The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1093 - Owen Benjamin, Kurt Metzger

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00:05:32.000 All right, folks, I got two guys today on the podcast.

00:05:35.000 Two ridiculously aggressive, hilarious guys, Owen Benjamin and Kurt Metzger.

00:05:41.000 Both very good stand-up comics, both that have had some very controversial moments on the internet.

00:05:47.000 And I just thought it'd be funny to have the two of them together to talk about the consequences of getting the people all riled up online.

00:05:58.000 Either way, very funny guys, very good guys.

00:06:00.000 Please give it up for Kurt Metzger and Owen Benjamin.

00:06:04.000 Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

00:06:06.000 The Joe Rogan experience.

00:06:08.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

00:06:12.000 We're here in the podcast on day one of the robots attacking the people.

00:06:18.000 It started in Tempe, Arizona.

00:06:20.000 Someone's killed by a self-driving Uber.

00:06:23.000 I'm not buying those things.

00:06:24.000 What the self-driving Ubers?

00:06:26.000 I'm not ready for this yet.

00:06:27.000 No chance.

00:06:28.000 It's not ready.

00:06:29.000 Dude, I'm not ready for planes.

00:06:30.000 They should have those things on a closed course over a long period of time, you know, and then let them drive around cities.

00:06:36.000 Yeah, we got to build some trust.

00:06:38.000 Yeah, I'm not trusting.

00:06:40.000 We gotta have some obstacle courses.

00:06:41.000 Self-driving Uber kills Arizona pedestrian.

00:06:45.000 There's all these cops.

00:06:46.000 This is hilarious.

00:06:47.000 Is that an Uber car or a cop car?

00:06:49.000 Those are all Ubers.

00:06:50.000 They look like cop cars.

00:06:51.000 What's the thing on the roof?

00:06:53.000 The camera that lets it drive?

00:06:56.000 Dude, fuck all that.

00:06:57.000 Yeah.

00:06:58.000 Not to say that a guy couldn't have done that, and not to say that this person, whoever it was, who knows what the circumstances were.

00:07:05.000 Sometimes accidents are unavoidable, right?

00:07:07.000 I mean, there are certain times where someone makes an error.

00:07:11.000 We don't know.

00:07:12.000 But I just feel better if it's a person making an error for some strange reason.

00:07:17.000 I think Uber and Lyft would have like a gang war. 0.59

00:07:17.000 Same here. 0.59

00:07:20.000 They probably would.

00:07:21.000 Yeah.

00:07:21.000 If you let the algorithms take over, it's over.

00:07:23.000 They probably fuck with each other, don't they?

00:07:25.000 Like, the Uber guy's super aggressive, isn't he?

00:07:27.000 Didn't they get in trouble for doing the fake calls?

00:07:30.000 Oh, that's fake.

00:07:31.000 Causing problems.

00:07:32.000 Find out if that's real.

00:07:33.000 Is that real?

00:07:34.000 Is that a real story?

00:07:36.000 Or there was like allegations, I think, because they were probably getting sued, sued each other, or whatever.

00:07:40.000 So I don't know if it ever came out.

00:07:42.000 Yeah, I know there was allegations that they were like making fake calls, right?

00:07:45.000 Is that what it was?

00:07:46.000 Fake requests.

00:07:47.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:07:48.000 And just bailing last minute.

00:07:48.000 Fake requests.

00:07:49.000 Dude, you got the right idea.

00:07:51.000 Living up in the middle of nowhere.

00:07:52.000 You got the right idea with that.

00:07:52.000 Yeah.

00:07:54.000 We just got Uber, but it's only two dudes and I have both their numbers.

00:07:58.000 So you just call them.

00:07:59.000 Yeah, you can just call them.

00:08:00.000 That's actually cool.

00:08:02.000 How many people are in your town?

00:08:03.000 A little, like 2,400.

00:08:06.000 As long as you know how to drink.

00:08:07.000 That's a fucking good place to live.

00:08:08.000 Oh, well, the currency's beer.

00:08:10.000 That's the thing, though, is everyone can do everything, but no one wants to work.

00:08:13.000 It's pretty hilarious.

00:08:14.000 Look at this.

00:08:15.000 Uber's Dirty Tricks Quantified.

00:08:17.000 Rival counts 5,560 canceled rides.

00:08:21.000 That's in 2014.

00:08:22.000 Is that real?

00:08:23.000 That's right when it started.

00:08:24.000 Is that definitely?

00:08:25.000 It's on CNN, so it can't be fake news.

00:08:31.000 I've never canceled an Uber.

00:08:32.000 I feel like really bad about it.

00:08:34.000 About never canceling?

00:08:35.000 No, I mean, if I canceled, I'd want to tell the guy.

00:08:38.000 I'd be like, hey, man.

00:08:38.000 Yeah.

00:08:39.000 There should be a way if you have to cancel to give the guy a tip.

00:08:42.000 That's a good move.

00:08:43.000 You know, like, say, I have to, like, super last-minute cancel.

00:08:46.000 This guy's already on his way over here.

00:08:48.000 Let me throw him 30 bucks. 0.76

00:08:49.000 Or at least a five-star.

00:08:49.000 Exactly.

00:08:50.000 At least something.

00:08:51.000 Something.

00:08:52.000 Give him some money.

00:08:53.000 Give him five bucks.

00:08:54.000 Give him five bucks for a canceled ride.

00:08:56.000 That's not bad, right?

00:08:58.000 That's more than fair.

00:08:59.000 You're setting them back a few minutes.

00:09:01.000 You don't get anything back when they fuck with you, though, so I don't know.

00:09:05.000 You son of a bitch.

00:09:06.000 But who are these people that are fucking with you?

00:09:08.000 Is it the rare Uber driver?

00:09:10.000 Every Uber I've ever been to was a dream.

00:09:12.000 I've never had a single problem.

00:09:14.000 Have you Uber X ever, though?

00:09:16.000 That's the truck?

00:09:17.000 No, that's just like random people with cars.

00:09:19.000 Oh, right, right, right.

00:09:20.000 No, I always do the one with like, it's basically limo drivers that are like off-duty.

00:09:24.000 Yeah, those are awesome.

00:09:25.000 If you ever Uber X, it can get a little dicey.

00:09:27.000 Oh, yeah.

00:09:28.000 Like you're just with a random chick that's having a meltdown.

00:09:30.000 Oh, yeah.

00:09:31.000 Yeah, I can imagine.

00:09:32.000 I mean, she's cool.

00:09:33.000 It's not like it's a big thing, but it's just like, you know, I can't pay my DSL bill this month.

00:09:38.000 And you're like, lady, I'm right here.

00:09:40.000 It's a very small car.

00:09:42.000 Yeah, there's people that just, they're working their life out, but say if they're on like a hundred level game, they're on level one and they're bouncing into the walls over and over again.

00:09:54.000 And they just don't seem like, in order for you to give them real advice, you'd have to basically move into their house.

00:10:00.000 Yeah.

00:10:00.000 You'd have to like give a full revamp of the way they look at things.

00:10:04.000 You'd have to go, okay, stop.

00:10:05.000 Okay, first of all, what are all these pills?

00:10:08.000 Second of all, what are you eating?

00:10:10.000 Third of all, like, why do you talk to people like that?

00:10:12.000 Like, if you talk to people like that, they're not going to want to talk to you.

00:10:14.000 Like, you're upset that they don't like you.

00:10:16.000 But then you act in a way that's very unpleasant to be around.

00:10:19.000 And then you'd have to go through every mistake this person's made.

00:10:19.000 Right.

00:10:23.000 And then you'd have to find out.

00:10:24.000 It's almost all shitty parenting.

00:10:25.000 It's like plumbing.

00:10:26.000 Yeah.

00:10:27.000 You have to back down to the root system.

00:10:27.000 Yeah.

00:10:29.000 Oh, look, the roots got into the pipes. 0.82

00:10:31.000 Or, you know, oh, look, it cracked because the earth shifted and you're losing all this water down here.

00:10:36.000 Yeah, you just start screaming when you feel threatened at all.

00:10:39.000 Like, that may be a thing from your childhood.

00:10:40.000 Yeah.

00:10:41.000 There's a lot of that out there.

00:10:42.000 There is.

00:10:43.000 I wanted to talk to you about social media.

00:10:45.000 Okay.

00:10:45.000 Because I love you.

00:10:47.000 I love you too.

00:10:47.000 I think you're a very good guy.

00:10:48.000 I really do.

00:10:49.000 But you are the worst representative of yourself on social media.

00:10:53.000 I'm a bad lawyer of myself.

00:10:55.000 It's a bad form of getting out tricky ideas.

00:10:59.000 It's a bad form.

00:11:01.000 It's just not good.

00:11:02.000 I mean, now it's, what is it, 280 now, 280 characters?

00:11:04.000 It's better than it was.

00:11:06.000 140 was very rough.

00:11:08.000 Like 140, you'd have to, you know, you have to really think about what you're saying.

00:11:12.000 It's like you're yelling as you're falling into a well.

00:11:14.000 You have like one sentence.

00:11:16.000 But you are, without a doubt, addicted.

00:11:20.000 And I know you bailed on your phone for a while and you went to a flip phone.

00:11:24.000 But I see these manic tweets from you and I just want to go hang out with you and go, dude, what are you doing?

00:11:30.000 Like, why are you constantly tweeting and attacking people?

00:11:35.000 Sometimes the chaos helps me.

00:11:37.000 I mean, you're right.

00:11:38.000 Right.

00:11:39.000 Like, I'm not challenging that statement, but like, I see it as almost like an idea sonar where you're just like.

00:11:45.000 I get that.

00:11:46.000 I get that, but I get that because I know you.

00:11:48.000 And I know you're a really good dude in real life.

00:11:50.000 So when I see this online and I see these blurting out post, just outbreak posts, they're just like, like you got mental diarrhea.

00:11:50.000 Thanks, man.

00:12:02.000 Let me see if I can throw the word nigger in here for a goof. 1.00

00:12:05.000 Let me see if I can say something that's going to piss people off.

00:12:08.000 And it's just, there's this weird thing you're doing, like this Jesselnik thing.

00:12:12.000 Like you just decided to attack Anthony Jeselnick.

00:12:14.000 No, I'll tell you this.

00:12:15.000 Did he attack you?

00:12:16.000 No, what happened was someone said that they had heard he said I was alt-right, which is like the new thing.

00:12:22.000 People can believe that.

00:12:23.000 They could believe that you were alt-right.

00:12:25.000 But if someone tells them and they read one of your outrageous tweets, just one or two of them, they would go, oh, this guy's an alt-right comedian.

00:12:33.000 And then they see you with certain people that you've had podcasts with and talked to that might also be lumped in.

00:12:38.000 I mean, ridiculously so, like Jordan Peterson.

00:12:40.000 They lump him into doesn't make any sense, but they do it.

00:12:44.000 Like, I mean, look, I've had people on that people think are alt-right.

00:12:48.000 I mean, people are fucking crazy.

00:12:50.000 I mean, there's people out there that think Ben Shapiro is anti-Semitic.

00:12:55.000 That's how nobody knows.

00:12:55.000 No, I know.

00:12:56.000 There's no logic at all.

00:12:58.000 Like, right now, Martin Luther King Jr. would be Considered alt-right by certain crazy people.

00:13:03.000 He would probably have adjusted his views, don't you think?

00:13:06.000 I mean, his views would probably change knowing all that we know about people today.

00:13:10.000 And he would be a different person.

00:13:12.000 You got to think, that guy growing up in the 1950s and then being into the 60s as the most important civil rights activist of all time, he was dealing with a completely different world, man.

00:13:24.000 I mean, there was no social media.

00:13:27.000 There was not much consolidated power.

00:13:29.000 It was probably very difficult to get people to march once they started sticking dogs on people and blowing fire hoses on them.

00:13:34.000 I mean, you had to be, you had less protection then.

00:13:38.000 He'd had to be more rigid and conservative then, just because people would have to be just very careful.

00:13:46.000 We talked about this recently.

00:13:48.000 I guess it was with, was it Danielle Bolelli we were talking about, about how recently slavery was.

00:13:53.000 Was it him?

00:13:53.000 Was it Danielle?

00:13:54.000 Might have been.

00:13:55.000 Either way, that's a crazy small amount of time.

00:13:59.000 Crazy.

00:13:59.000 200 years ago.

00:14:00.000 And it's been existed for like tens of thousands of years.

00:14:03.000 And that there's more slavery in the world today because there's more people alive.

00:14:08.000 But there's less percentage of people that are slaves.

00:14:08.000 It's kind of tricky.

00:14:12.000 Right.

00:14:12.000 So it's kind of misleading when people say there's more slavery.

00:14:15.000 There's way more people.

00:14:17.000 Yeah.

00:14:17.000 That's a good point.

00:14:18.000 Way, way, way, way, way more people.

00:14:18.000 There's more everything.

00:14:21.000 And there's way more crazy people, and now they all have internet access.

00:14:24.000 Yeah, because I was looking at this thing where they were trying to trace, you've heard about that new species of human that they found, I think around somewhere in the range of seven or eight years ago.

00:14:35.000 Deinosians, I think they call them. 1.00

00:14:37.000 They found them in Russia.

00:14:39.000 And what they are is, you know, when there was Neanderthal and Homo sapiens, there was another one.

00:14:44.000 And then this other one bred.

00:14:47.000 Apparently they think there was many different kinds of humans.

00:14:50.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

00:14:51.000 But what the thing that fucking freaked me out, they were talking about how long ago this was, like 70,000 plus years ago, that they were talking about one era.

00:15:00.000 And then they were talking about the amount of people that were alive then.

00:15:02.000 And they said something around the area of 100,000 humans.

00:15:06.000 Total amount.

00:15:07.000 That's on the 405 right now.

00:15:09.000 Just fuck that on the 405 between here and like West Hills.

00:15:13.000 Yeah.

00:15:14.000 Probably more.

00:15:15.000 And that's why we have such a vicious instinct.

00:15:18.000 Because at that point, it's just, I think it got down to like 10,000 people at one point.

00:15:18.000 Yeah.

00:15:24.000 Yeah, that's just what I was reading the article about.

00:15:26.000 It was also talking about in Sumatra, and we talked about this recently.

00:15:30.000 There was a gigantic super volcano that blew up.

00:15:33.000 Right.

00:15:33.000 And it fucked the earth up for like a thousand years.

00:15:36.000 And we had to survive that.

00:15:37.000 And now we're trying to survive Twitter storms.

00:15:37.000 Yeah.

00:15:39.000 But we have those same instincts, the same instincts that are like, if you can't eat your dog right now, you're going to die.

00:15:46.000 So anyway, with the Jesnik thing, so I just went on his and he had already blocked me and I had never written anything to him.

00:15:46.000 Right.

00:15:53.000 So I just posted that and said he has liposuction in his ass because I thought that was funny.

00:15:58.000 Because I didn't want to go too big.

00:16:01.000 Like, who gives a shit if he blocks you?

00:16:03.000 I just thought it was funny.

00:16:04.000 Right, but you're attacking him publicly.

00:16:06.000 This is the thing.

00:16:07.000 It's like you have like, how many thousands of Twitter followers do you have?

00:16:10.000 Like, 120,000?

00:16:11.000 That's a lot of fucking people.

00:16:12.000 So a lot.

00:16:13.000 But he's a strong man.

00:16:14.000 Like, there's dudes that have messed with me way crazier recently.

00:16:17.000 He's a strong man.

00:16:19.000 Like, that's got a sting.

00:16:21.000 There's got to be like this disturbance of peace and tranquility for no reason.

00:16:25.000 Just because he blocked you.

00:16:27.000 When do you give a shit if you block?

00:16:28.000 I hope he blocked.

00:16:29.000 Jesner, I like you.

00:16:31.000 Go block me, buddy. 0.82

00:16:32.000 I love him.

00:16:32.000 He's a good guy.

00:16:33.000 He's a great joker, actually.

00:16:34.000 He's a funny guy, man.

00:16:35.000 This is the problem.

00:16:36.000 I'm a colleague of his.

00:16:38.000 I'm at the comedy store with him all the time.

00:16:40.000 We go on back and forth next to each other all the time.

00:16:44.000 And, you know, you should attack someone when they do something really bad.

00:16:50.000 But you know what I'm saying?

00:16:51.000 I do know what you're saying.

00:16:52.000 Like, the sheathed sword until you absolutely need it.

00:16:54.000 I'm all about that.

00:16:56.000 I wasn't like full attack mode, though.

00:16:58.000 I thought I was being playful.

00:17:00.000 The war has started.

00:17:01.000 You're talking about him getting lipo suction, talking about him being gay, and you're talking about, you said a bunch of different things.

00:17:07.000 No, but that's after he said I was altruist.

00:17:09.000 In response, he said that I'm an alt-right third-rate piano comic.

00:17:13.000 And I was like, dude, I just did a lipo-suction joke.

00:17:17.000 But the thing is, I'm not even mad at the guy at all.

00:17:20.000 I want then, you, again, do a terrible job of representing yourself.

00:17:24.000 That's a good point.

00:17:25.000 Because it seems to me even, I had a texture.

00:17:27.000 I'm like, what are you doing?

00:17:28.000 I know.

00:17:28.000 By the way, I just want to give you a compliment.

00:17:30.000 I love that you're more critical offline.

00:17:33.000 Like, you're one of the few people right now in this world that's like, oh, what the fuck are you doing?

00:17:38.000 But online, you're chill.

00:17:40.000 And so many people are the opposite.

00:17:41.000 They attack online and apologize in the DM.

00:17:43.000 And you're, I just wanted to say that that's good leadership qualities.

00:17:46.000 Oh, well, that's very nice for you.

00:17:48.000 But I'm not trying to be a leader.

00:17:49.000 I just try to be a good person.

00:17:51.000 I think if you have an issue with someone, you should talk to them in person if you can, if not on the phone.

00:17:58.000 But that one-on-one.

00:17:59.000 Like this idea that you should automatically blurt out what you think about someone's public mistakes to the rest of the world to state your position.

00:18:08.000 Like there was a lot of the request to state your position after Louis C.K. got in trouble.

00:18:12.000 Right, right.

00:18:13.000 I have no idea what actually happened.

00:18:16.000 If the way the women are telling it is 100% true, then I think it's fucking gross and disgusting. 1.00

00:18:23.000 And I'm sad.

00:18:24.000 I'm sad that he had that in his head, that he wanted to do that.

00:18:27.000 I'm sad that the girls had to experience it.

00:18:29.000 It's an uncomfortable thing.

00:18:30.000 But I don't know that.

00:18:32.000 And I've heard stories about people thinking it was funny, too.

00:18:35.000 You know, there was like this weird thing going on.

00:18:37.000 The tribal stuff, where it's like, what side are you on?

00:18:41.000 But people were like, the Louis C.K. instance was the first instance that I can recall where people were demanding a response, like a public response about something.

00:18:49.000 Well, I noticed that in entertainment with Trump, it's like the lack of talking about Trump is now seen as endorsements.

00:18:55.000 Like when Taylor Swift just didn't get involved in the chaos, people were calling her like alt-right.

00:19:01.000 Yeah, man, there's so many people just waiting, waiting to pull the trigger.

00:19:07.000 And they're doing so in such a fucking insane and ridiculously misrepresentative way.

00:19:13.000 There was something about Jordan Peterson, man.

00:19:15.000 Jordan Peterson going to speak somewhere.

00:19:19.000 And there was these people sending emails that he was a Nazi and a fascist and a racist and transphobic.

00:19:26.000 But they're just hurling these nuclear bombs of words with literally no thought whatsoever about the consequences of using these words to describe someone who's absolutely clearly not that.

00:19:40.000 It's when someone can't argue another side, that's how they shut down the conversation.

00:19:40.000 Of course.

00:19:45.000 But here's my point: is that it elevates this manic misrepresentation of reality because they've agreed to not look at it realistically.

00:19:53.000 They've agreed.

00:19:54.000 Who cares if he's not a Nazi? 0.89

00:19:55.000 We're going to fucking call him a Nazi.

00:19:57.000 And in doing that, you're escalating what's like, there's a mob mentality, right?

00:20:02.000 It's part of what's going on.

00:20:03.000 One of the things that happens in mob mentality is people start murdering people, you jump in.

00:20:08.000 If people are killing people and you're trying to get away and a guy's running at you with a knife, you're going to fucking kill him.

00:20:12.000 That's what people do.

00:20:13.000 It's a normal thing.

00:20:14.000 It happens with mob mentality, too.

00:20:16.000 That happens with these kind of arguments.

00:20:18.000 The same kind of thing.

00:20:19.000 People can just decide they don't care if you're right.

00:20:22.000 They're going to call you a fucking racist.

00:20:24.000 They're going to call you a Nazi.

00:20:25.000 They're just going to keep saying it until you believe it 100%.

00:20:28.000 Like this fucking Nazi. 0.74

00:20:30.000 Jesus, it's Kurt Metzger, ladies and gentlemen.

00:20:32.000 Good to see you, pal.

00:20:33.000 Thanks for coming, man.

00:20:34.000 Yeah, thanks.

00:20:36.000 Pull up.

00:20:37.000 Yeah.

00:20:38.000 You got him on camera there?

00:20:38.000 You can get him in there?

00:20:39.000 Good.

00:20:40.000 Beautiful.

00:20:40.000 Good to see you, buddy.

00:20:41.000 What's up, bud?

00:20:42.000 Oh, well, this room is separately heated.

00:20:44.000 This is its own little air conditioning and thermostat system.

00:20:48.000 Oh, my God.

00:20:48.000 I saw the sauna.

00:20:49.000 The sauna is looking good.

00:20:51.000 Yeah, this part was built.

00:20:52.000 This was not a room.

00:20:53.000 So this room is created like a radio studio.

00:20:55.000 Like, same deal.

00:20:56.000 Thick walls, all insulated and shit.

00:20:58.000 It's only a little bit more.

00:20:59.000 It's a nice end of the world bunker.

00:21:00.000 Yeah, buddy.

00:21:01.000 It's all concrete and cement and shit.

00:21:03.000 And there's a fan that sucks pot smoke out.

00:21:05.000 So if people are getting high, he just wait.

00:21:09.000 What's the matter?

00:21:10.000 What about it?

00:21:10.000 So play music.

00:21:12.000 Oh, shit.

00:21:16.000 It's a very scenic drive here.

00:21:17.000 I have music on in the middle.

00:21:19.000 Well, today it is, man.

00:21:20.000 LA, when it rains out, it's like nothing else.

00:21:22.000 It's beautiful.

00:21:23.000 It just gets so green.

00:21:24.000 Like that drive over by when you're going over the 405, when you're coming over the top of the hill.

00:21:30.000 Holy shit.

00:21:30.000 It's stunning.

00:21:31.000 Dude, this area is sick.

00:21:32.000 Like, I can't stand West Hollywood area now.

00:21:34.000 There's too many people.

00:21:35.000 Too many people.

00:21:36.000 This is too many people, too.

00:21:38.000 I really would like to do what you're doing.

00:21:40.000 What you're doing, I think, is ideal.

00:21:42.000 What are you doing, Owen?

00:21:42.000 Did you return to the land of giants to my wildlings?

00:21:48.000 We just yell at each other and it's all good.

00:21:49.000 Did you return to Lilliput as the god of those little people?

00:21:52.000 I brought home new information and gold and silk.

00:21:56.000 Where do you live again?

00:21:57.000 In the Adirondack Mountains in northern New York.

00:21:57.000 You told me.

00:21:59.000 Oh, wow.

00:22:00.000 I get a boner just thinking about that.

00:22:02.000 I love it.

00:22:02.000 Wow.

00:22:03.000 Take my special though.

00:22:04.000 The idea of it sounds amazing.

00:22:05.000 Except for where you are.

00:22:06.000 It's got a lot of ticks that have lime. 1.00

00:22:09.000 Well, it gets too cold in the winter to really have that, but it just started coming a little bit because it's like negative 40 where I live in the winter.

00:22:09.000 Lines.

00:22:17.000 Jesus Christ, son.

00:22:18.000 Yeah.

00:22:19.000 Negative 40 for real?

00:22:20.000 Negative 40 for like a while.

00:22:21.000 That's why I got the sauna because I just fire up and then go outside nude and roll around and it's just crazy.

00:22:26.000 Negative 40.

00:22:28.000 Yeah.

00:22:28.000 I don't think I've felt that before.

00:22:30.000 It's so remarkable where it's just you go outside and you think, if I didn't have clothing, I have 10 minutes to live.

00:22:37.000 Yeah.

00:22:37.000 And it's just this wild feeling.

00:22:39.000 Well, you know, I do that cryotherapy chip, which is a lot colder, but it seems fake.

00:22:42.000 Like the dancing millionaire does.

00:22:44.000 Who's the dancing millionaire?

00:22:45.000 The guy on YouTube, that Italian guy that's...

00:22:47.000 He puts YouTube videos of him dancing.

00:22:49.000 He's like, he's got a dancer.

00:22:51.000 He's like, that 50-year-old guy dances on boats.

00:22:53.000 Yeah.

00:22:54.000 Oh, John Lucavacci.

00:22:56.000 Yeah, he's friends with Zach Efron.

00:22:58.000 Oh, he's friends with everybody.

00:23:00.000 That guy's hilarious.

00:23:01.000 He's a DJ.

00:23:02.000 Yeah, he does everything.

00:23:03.000 He's the heir to a vitamin fortune or something.

00:23:06.000 Is that what he is?

00:23:08.000 Is his grandfather named?

00:23:09.000 Like a forma company.

00:23:10.000 Gary Centrum.

00:23:12.000 He's a funny dude you manage.

00:23:14.000 Gian Lucas Centrum.

00:23:16.000 You know the Centrum fortune?

00:23:17.000 That guy's living a fun life.

00:23:19.000 You know, he's like an Italian version of Dan Bilzerian in a lot of ways.

00:23:23.000 Yeah, right.

00:23:23.000 That's like a thing, like that old buff rich guy thing.

00:23:26.000 Yeah, but he's like Bilzerian's in his 30s. 1.00

00:23:28.000 Like this guy's that guy's only in his 30s?

00:23:30.000 I thought he had a heart attack and shit.

00:23:32.000 He did, but it was from doing a lot of Coke and doing, he did a lot of shit.

00:23:36.000 He told the story.

00:23:37.000 He was up for like two days.

00:23:38.000 Yeah.

00:23:39.000 I want to be the dancing thousands.

00:23:41.000 This guy, John Lucavacci.

00:23:42.000 It's hilarious.

00:23:43.000 Oh, this guy's a dancing thousand.

00:23:45.000 And he's a guy who's doing weird stuff with his pants that are very feminine.

00:23:48.000 Like he's like, look at those shorts.

00:23:50.000 Well, he's Italian.

00:23:51.000 If a dude, yeah, but be honest.

00:23:52.000 If a dude that was wearing shorts like that came up to you and started talking to you in a men's room, you'd go, hey, buddy, let me get past you and get through that door. 1.00

00:24:00.000 We're going to have a problem.

00:24:01.000 No, those shorts are more of an obvious, like, it's a...

00:24:09.000 It's not so much the shorts, it's the tattoos that were.

00:24:11.000 Well, he's got tattoos everywhere.

00:24:13.000 Everywhere.

00:24:14.000 It's his whole body.

00:24:15.000 And he just had another one.

00:24:16.000 He had himself saying shush on his back.

00:24:20.000 He's got a new one called the Shut the Fuck Up Tattoo.

00:24:23.000 It's him going like shush on his back.

00:24:25.000 I guess, if I would have to guess, if I wanted to decipher that, people are talking shit behind his back.

00:24:30.000 So this way he's always facing them, going shush.

00:24:34.000 It's pretty hilarious.

00:24:34.000 I like when people get tattoos to, you know, like it's a power.

00:24:38.000 Like you got eyes on the back of your head in prison.

00:24:40.000 Look at this.

00:24:40.000 All that writing.

00:24:41.000 That's it.

00:24:42.000 Look at all that writing.

00:24:45.000 He's a weird guy.

00:24:46.000 It doesn't look like the stop talking behind my back shush.

00:24:49.000 It looks like, I just fucked your mom. 1.00

00:24:50.000 Don't tell anybody.

00:24:52.000 It's also kind of passive-aggressive to have font that small.

00:24:55.000 Yo, who's going to take the time to read his back?

00:24:57.000 Yeah, you got to be all the dudes that are fucking him. 1.00

00:25:00.000 Hey! 0.99

00:25:02.000 Fucking help, bitch. 1.00

00:25:03.000 The guy's got such a great body.

00:25:04.000 I got to stop from coming.

00:25:05.000 So I read the weight of buttons on his back.

00:25:08.000 He does a lot of body weight exercise.

00:25:10.000 Well, he freezes himself.

00:25:11.000 That's why I brought it up because I saw him on a video freezing himself.

00:25:14.000 He's got to do it all the time.

00:25:15.000 You want to do it after the show?

00:25:17.000 What does it do?

00:25:18.000 It jacks up your norepinephrine, norepinephrine levels.

00:25:23.000 It produces something called cold shock proteins that are radical inflammation fighters.

00:25:30.000 It's fantastic for people that have like arthritis or aches and pains.

00:25:36.000 There's a lot of older folk that go to the place that I go to that go all the time, and they said it's just changed their life.

00:25:42.000 Like people with like hip issues.

00:25:44.000 Yeah, because your body goes into this thing and if you do doubles, I like to do a double. 0.97

00:25:44.000 Really? 0.97

00:25:49.000 It means I go in for three minutes, I warm up for about 10 minutes, and I go in for another three minutes.

00:25:53.000 How much is it to do it a lot?

00:25:54.000 It's a good question.

00:25:55.000 I'll find out.

00:25:56.000 I don't know.

00:25:56.000 It's not cheap.

00:25:57.000 Yeah, because I only saw this fucking Jilliana. 1.00

00:26:00.000 But if you think about how much money you spend, you just starve naked with Owen, whatever.

00:26:04.000 Oh, you can go to his place.

00:26:05.000 Just go to my mountain, man.

00:26:06.000 It's the whole thing all the time.

00:26:08.000 What it is, is your body has to feel like it's going to die.

00:26:10.000 And when your body feels like it's going to die, it freaks out and produces these anti-inflammation properties.

00:26:15.000 It's basically.

00:26:16.000 Is that right?

00:26:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:17.000 It's like me and Twitter.

00:26:18.000 Same thing with the sauna.

00:26:19.000 You know, Barry Crimins has just died.

00:26:21.000 So me and him went on tour, okay, like last year.

00:26:25.000 Just last year, yeah.

00:26:26.000 That guy saved my life.

00:26:27.000 Man, I was like in a bad way when that guy called me.

00:26:29.000 But anyway, we got in a car, this guy driving on black ice in Pennsylvania.

00:26:34.000 He tries to pass a tractor trailer.

00:26:36.000 You know, some people don't want to be behind trailers.

00:26:39.000 So he goes to pass it, and we're doing like 60.

00:26:42.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:26:43.000 Which is, it's under the speed limit, but it's black ice, you know?

00:26:46.000 So we were going next to this.

00:26:48.000 It felt like a jet engine sucking the car in.

00:26:51.000 It was just wobbling.

00:26:52.000 And so I'm in the passenger seat.

00:26:53.000 Barry was behind the driver.

00:26:56.000 And we just get sucked into under the trailer.

00:26:59.000 Under the trailer.

00:27:00.000 Yeah.

00:27:00.000 So my head, I mean, I already got my head cut off.

00:27:02.000 And I had time to say, what the fuck, three times.

00:27:04.000 I didn't duck.

00:27:05.000 I just went, what the fuck?

00:27:06.000 What the fuck?

00:27:07.000 And then I was like, oh, I guess I'm dead.

00:27:08.000 I just remember thinking that.

00:27:10.000 And then we swerved.

00:27:11.000 And then the back end, like my hip, started going away from the trailer.

00:27:15.000 And the back end got caught instead where no one was sitting.

00:27:18.000 That got pulled in.

00:27:19.000 The windows blew in and then it drug us a little bit and spit us out and we spun and it landed in the median.

00:27:19.000 Okay.

00:27:25.000 Dude, that's insane.

00:27:27.000 And the driver was weeping.

00:27:27.000 It was.

00:27:30.000 Oh my God.

00:27:31.000 And me and Barry were like, I swear to God, like high.

00:27:33.000 Like, I have never felt, I could do that once a year.

00:27:37.000 It was like a vacation to me.

00:27:38.000 I swear to God, like, it, but I had to be, I was like, sure.

00:27:42.000 I mean, I guess it's my brain think I'm going to die, but I'm sure my body thought it was too.

00:27:45.000 But it felt fucking amazing, dude.

00:27:48.000 I never felt anything like that.

00:27:49.000 Like, being sure you're going to die, and then you just don't.

00:27:51.000 Well, that happens to vets sometimes when they come back.

00:27:53.000 They don't want to admit it, but they got addicted to war.

00:27:56.000 Yeah, right.

00:27:57.000 That's a Hurtlocker.

00:27:58.000 Like in Hurtlock.

00:27:59.000 Yeah, I was just thinking of that.

00:28:00.000 Oh, that's 100% legit.

00:28:01.000 They also, there's a good Sebastian Younger book about that.

00:28:04.000 I read that based on your pod.

00:28:05.000 Tribe, yeah.

00:28:06.000 And these people, that's like the closest they ever feel to each other is when they're in the middle of a war zone.

00:28:10.000 That's like me on Twitter, man.

00:28:13.000 We were talking about his Twitter outbursts and how I think they're poor representation of who he is as a person.

00:28:18.000 Wait, so I don't understand, did you settle the, I'm not even mad at the guy.

00:28:23.000 Even though he was a blessing to him.

00:28:25.000 Nothing.

00:28:26.000 He just blocked him.

00:28:26.000 He blocked him on Twitter, so he decided to.

00:28:28.000 Are you sure he blocked you?

00:28:29.000 He definitely blocked him.

00:28:30.000 Yeah.

00:28:31.000 So I just said something that he had wiped on his ass.

00:28:33.000 I didn't think that he was that crazy.

00:28:36.000 That's a good question.

00:28:37.000 I mean, I'm not, whatever.

00:28:38.000 It seems like it's not worth it, and he was never a fat guy.

00:28:41.000 No, that's what made it so funny.

00:28:42.000 I mean, it is crazy.

00:28:43.000 Like, if it was like, because he's a really handsome man, so it's like, that is so funny to me.

00:28:48.000 Wait, so he did do that?

00:28:49.000 No, no.

00:28:50.000 I don't know.

00:28:50.000 He just made it up.

00:28:51.000 He just made it up.

00:28:52.000 Oh, yeah, because that seems like a very extreme.

00:28:54.000 It's just a funny insult.

00:28:55.000 How many comics, if you had a guest, have had Lipo in their ass overall?

00:28:59.000 I would.

00:29:00.000 If I had like a friend that was like, hey, dude, I do Lipo.

00:29:04.000 Do I just do like a friend?

00:29:07.000 You have to wear like this crazy compression clothes afterwards.

00:29:10.000 Oh, really?

00:29:11.000 Do you really?

00:29:12.000 Dude, it's not a joke.

00:29:13.000 Can I probably use fucking surgery?

00:29:16.000 Yeah, right.

00:29:17.000 They're numbing your shit up, and they're going in with a goddamn pipe that's got a vacuum attached to it, and they're roughing you up and sucking chunks of yourself.

00:29:25.000 You have to do a joke about that, about how violent it was.

00:29:28.000 It's fucking violent.

00:29:29.000 They're mad at how fat you are.

00:29:31.000 It probably doesn't work because you don't change your habits either.

00:29:33.000 Well, it did work, but listen, you're going to get fat again.

00:29:36.000 Like, it'll make you look good for a little bit, but if you don't change how you eat, you're in your static state right now where you're at.

00:29:43.000 You're getting fatter.

00:29:44.000 Most people.

00:29:45.000 Most people, if they're overweight, they're getting more overweight.

00:29:48.000 They're not steady at whatever the fuck it is, 50 pounds over.

00:29:52.000 They keep going because it's the same pattern of behavior.

00:29:55.000 So if you get yourself sucked down, and I know people have done this, got yourself sucked down with the vacuum down to a good, legitimate size, they just balloon back up.

00:30:04.000 And a lot of times there's a lot of unevenness.

00:30:07.000 Yeah, I heard people get fat in weird places because they took out like a little out right around the wiener.

00:30:12.000 I feel like I got a quarter inch in there that isn't being moved.

00:30:14.000 It's just too fat.

00:30:15.000 But it's also, I think, they're saying your butt can get lumpy.

00:30:21.000 Fucking wouldn't be smooth.

00:30:22.000 Yeah, like at least if you got a natural layer of fat, it's like a smooth, it feels right.

00:30:27.000 I believe exercise doesn't work.

00:30:29.000 I've seen people like, no, you understand.

00:30:30.000 I can't develop pectoral muscles.

00:30:32.000 I had to do it.

00:30:33.000 Sugar.

00:30:34.000 I would like to say nonsense.

00:30:35.000 That's it.

00:30:35.000 It is nonsense, right?

00:30:36.000 That's nonsense.

00:30:37.000 It's nonsense.

00:30:37.000 Some guy's like, I can't do it.

00:30:39.000 Nah, that's not true.

00:30:40.000 It was on his talk shows where these guys did peck implants.

00:30:42.000 Yeah, I knew a dude who had one of those.

00:30:44.000 I knew a dude who had peck implants.

00:30:46.000 And how did it end up for him?

00:30:47.000 Not so good, man.

00:30:48.000 Yeah.

00:30:48.000 Not so good.

00:30:49.000 That sounds real bad.

00:30:50.000 He wound up killing himself.

00:30:51.000 Because of something else.

00:30:53.000 Here it is.

00:30:53.000 Oh, here's Lipo.

00:30:55.000 Jesus Christ.

00:30:57.000 Yeah, right?

00:30:58.000 What in the holy fuck?

00:31:00.000 Yeah, I'd be scared what's under the fat in my ass.

00:31:02.000 I don't know what's under there.

00:31:04.000 This step limits blood.

00:31:05.000 Like blood lost.

00:31:06.000 There might be a whole lot.

00:31:07.000 Look at this.

00:31:07.000 This is a weird shape.

00:31:08.000 This limits blood loss and maximizes post-op comfort.

00:31:12.000 And what they're doing is going in on this person's stomach and just sucking tubes of it out.

00:31:17.000 But here's the thing.

00:31:18.000 This guy's not even that fat.

00:31:20.000 Yeah.

00:31:20.000 No, that's to get rid of the funny little bit, right?

00:31:22.000 All this guy or gal.

00:31:24.000 I don't know.

00:31:24.000 We're only looking at a bit of a bunch of people.

00:31:25.000 You're saying Josenek was already hot.

00:31:27.000 He just was getting a little bit of a hat.

00:31:28.000 It's just a handsome guy that's like so irreverent.

00:31:30.000 I think that's really funny.

00:31:31.000 Look how it works.

00:31:33.000 Look at the little fucking edges on the thing.

00:31:35.000 Oh, this is disgusting, this thing.

00:31:38.000 Look how, like, you see, like, when he was going back it up a little, Jamie?

00:31:42.000 Those little things, those holes, they're like little knives, man.

00:31:45.000 Like a little bit more.

00:31:46.000 Yeah, this is violent.

00:31:47.000 This can't be good for you.

00:31:48.000 Look at the little knives in the end.

00:31:50.000 It's like a cat's dick.

00:31:52.000 So he's just scooping it out of there.

00:31:54.000 Is this a woman or a man?

00:31:56.000 I don't know.

00:31:57.000 It's someone who's not that fat.

00:31:58.000 It's a woman.

00:31:59.000 Whoever the fuck this is, if they just got on a carb-free diet.

00:32:03.000 For like a couple weeks.

00:32:04.000 It's not even a lot of fun.

00:32:05.000 That looks like not that long of weight to lose.

00:32:08.000 I know a lady who didn't need it and got it done. 1.00

00:32:11.000 She literally didn't need it.

00:32:12.000 I don't know her that well, but I remember her friends saying how much extreme discomfort she was in because she had to wear essentially like this, these tights. 0.99

00:32:12.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:32:20.000 So these super tight compression pants everywhere to keep all your ass fat together. 1.00

00:32:20.000 Man, that's right. 1.00

00:32:27.000 Isn't it amazing, David?

00:32:29.000 It's so intense.

00:32:30.000 It's so intense.

00:32:31.000 Like when I was having my ass fat loosened.

00:32:34.000 Well, I had a hair transplant.

00:32:35.000 That was the dumbest thing I've ever done.

00:32:37.000 That's like David Feldman.

00:32:38.000 That's what he did.

00:32:38.000 I have this giant scar in the back of my head.

00:32:40.000 It looks like a smile.

00:32:41.000 I wonder if that's a piece of meat.

00:32:43.000 My joke, you get like a scar from it.

00:32:45.000 Yeah, my joke was that it's like taking people from a town where everybody's healthy and moving them into a town where everybody's dying.

00:32:52.000 The only ones that were left are like the new recruits.

00:32:54.000 The hair that was supposed to be up there, those are falling out.

00:32:58.000 So where do you get it from?

00:32:59.000 They take it from the back of your head.

00:33:00.000 They take a strip off the back of your head.

00:33:02.000 Now the way they do it, in a lot of places, they do it differently.

00:33:04.000 They do one individual follicle at a time.

00:33:07.000 I just was scared that I was going bald.

00:33:09.000 I was like, what can you do?

00:33:11.000 And they tell you they could fix it.

00:33:12.000 They're like, oh, great.

00:33:13.000 I'll just get it fixed.

00:33:14.000 But it doesn't really fix it.

00:33:15.000 No.

00:33:16.000 Because that's fucking, what's his name?

00:33:16.000 Well, how come?

00:33:18.000 Joel McGale from Sue.

00:33:20.000 Because I remember him from those Burger King commercials where he had less hair than I do.

00:33:23.000 And now he's got Dragon Ball Z hair.

00:33:26.000 Well, it's like real thick.

00:33:28.000 It's almost like more thick than they start with sometimes.

00:33:30.000 Did he have a killer transplant or is that just a guy?

00:33:32.000 He's a great guy.

00:33:33.000 No, he didn't.

00:33:34.000 You remember the Burger King commercial, right?

00:33:36.000 I do not.

00:33:36.000 Nobody does.

00:33:37.000 It was when the office was getting popular, not the American one.

00:33:40.000 And Burger King had these commercials that were kind of like the office, and he was like the wise.

00:33:45.000 I can't picture one Burger King commercial.

00:33:46.000 I don't have thicker hair.

00:33:47.000 That works better.

00:33:48.000 Every bald guy's fucking hair.

00:33:50.000 Every celebrity suddenly has more hair, I remember.

00:33:52.000 People with thick hair follicles can get away with it.

00:33:56.000 Like, my hair would have looked way better, but I have thin hair.

00:33:59.000 The hairs themselves are thin.

00:34:00.000 So if someone has thick hair, they could have some pretty dramatic result if it's the right kind of thinning.

00:34:05.000 What age did you do it?

00:34:06.000 30?

00:34:07.000 No, not even.

00:34:08.000 Not even 30, yeah.

00:34:09.000 But what did you tell when you're 30 when you did it?

00:34:10.000 Yeah, I think I was 28.

00:34:12.000 Well, I just started acting on TV and I was panicking because my hair was seriously falling out.

00:34:17.000 And I was like, this shit is going quick.

00:34:19.000 And I was like, well, where's it going to go?

00:34:21.000 And just get thicker pubes. 1.00

00:34:25.000 Well, I was like, I knew that part of the reason why I was making money was the way I looked.

00:34:31.000 I mean, I was doing stand-up and I was acting in these shows, but I wasn't an ugly dude.

00:34:37.000 And it helped.

00:34:38.000 I was getting certain kind of roles, like boyfriend roles.

00:34:41.000 That's like something that a chick has to go through. 1.00

00:34:43.000 Yeah, you panic because you're like, well, this is how I'm making money and I never made any money before.

00:34:47.000 So all of a sudden, I went from being completely broke and being a super struggling comic.

00:34:52.000 Like if I got lucky, I was making $300 a week.

00:34:55.000 $350 a week was a big week.

00:34:57.000 Is that bad for a week guy?

00:34:59.000 It's perfect if you're a 25-year-old guy, which is what I was trying to make it as a comic.

00:35:03.000 Then I went from that to making fucking shitpiles of TV money.

00:35:07.000 You're like, how do I not make it?

00:35:08.000 I am not getting rid of this.

00:35:10.000 I got to figure out a way to keep this rolling.

00:35:11.000 But if I should have just shaved my head, I just didn't know.

00:35:14.000 Didn't know the freedom.

00:35:15.000 The freedom.

00:35:17.000 Even if I grew like a thick head of hair, I guarantee you I'd still shave my head.

00:35:21.000 I don't want to go to a barber.

00:35:23.000 I had a really nice lady who used to cut my hair too. 1.00

00:35:25.000 She's fun. 0.93

00:35:25.000 I loved her. 0.93

00:35:26.000 She's fun conversations, but I'd have to go to her fucking place. 1.00

00:35:29.000 And she'd have to come.

00:35:30.000 I mean, no, dude.

00:35:31.000 Dude, I'd wake up every four days.

00:35:32.000 I go.

00:35:34.000 What did you remind me of, dude?

00:35:36.000 Because you're talking about that chilling procedure, but I was on some JB Smoothie said this dinner show where it'd be like a couple athletes and a couple comics.

00:35:45.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:45.000 And I, and I don't really follow sports, but these guys were interested.

00:35:49.000 He was a hockey player in some football player.

00:35:51.000 Michael I am.

00:35:52.000 They're talking about all these treatments they would get, you know?

00:35:54.000 And most of them start out as beauty treatments for rich fucking Hollywood women. 1.00

00:35:59.000 And then they trickle down to athletes.

00:35:59.000 Really?

00:36:01.000 Wow.

00:36:02.000 Is that something like that?

00:36:03.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:36:03.000 Cryo?

00:36:04.000 I swear to God, they were talking about cryo that way, like it was for fucking hot chicks. 1.00

00:36:09.000 Because they're kind of, like, a hot chick's a kind of athlete, right? 1.00

00:36:11.000 Like, you start out, and then you go like, oh, she gets red shoe.

00:36:14.000 She's like, yeah, and then you blow your arm out.

00:36:16.000 Like Kathleen Turner blew her face out from that drug. 0.88

00:36:21.000 What drugs was she on? 1.00

00:36:22.000 Steroids for arthritis.

00:36:24.000 No way.

00:36:25.000 She didn't want to be, she wanted people to know about some illness because she thought she got less work. 1.00

00:36:28.000 So she just was like, took all the jokes about how she looked like a man.

00:36:31.000 She just took all the jokes to work and then finally came out. 1.00

00:36:33.000 Which I got them like, hey, good for you, man, if you got work at it.

00:36:36.000 Because you know, people are terrified of people find out for a sick.

00:36:39.000 I mean, going from being an insanely hot woman to being gross, that is a change of everything. 0.56

00:36:39.000 Yeah. 0.56

00:36:46.000 That's a change of everything.

00:36:47.000 It's like character.

00:36:48.000 For sure.

00:36:49.000 It's a character building.

00:36:50.000 It's like a rich guy losing all his money.

00:36:52.000 You find out who really liked you the whole time, you know?

00:36:54.000 Yeah.

00:36:55.000 It changes how you interface with the world.

00:36:57.000 Like a beautiful woman interfaces with the world like the most popular celebrity possible.

00:37:02.000 Like a beautiful woman is like Tom Cruise everywhere she goes. 1.00

00:37:04.000 It's like Michael Costa has a bit about that.

00:37:06.000 Also, it's almost the same amount of danger, too, of you got to watch who's coming up on you, like how famous person was.

00:37:13.000 Wait worse, though.

00:37:14.000 For girls, you think way worse.

00:37:16.000 Way crazier.

00:37:17.000 But listen, men are dangerous, and that's why we have a system called the patriarchy to help protect women. 1.00

00:37:22.000 Michael Costa has a bit about.

00:37:24.000 We had a great system to protect women from the dangers of men called patriarchy. 0.74

00:37:27.000 And we threw it away.

00:37:29.000 We threw it away because of colleges.

00:37:31.000 Listen, I think it's important to talk about patriarchy because I feel that young 20-year-old women need their own Illuminati to talk about, you know? 1.00

00:37:37.000 Yeah, totally in their failures on.

00:37:39.000 Is that going on?

00:37:40.000 Yeah, it's like it's Illuminati for girls. 0.83

00:37:42.000 Finally.

00:37:44.000 It's patriarchy.

00:37:44.000 Conspiracy theory.

00:37:46.000 Well, this is what you ask for the set definition.

00:37:48.000 There isn't one.

00:37:48.000 Isn't that suspicious?

00:37:49.000 The same with racism.

00:37:50.000 There is one in the dictionary, but that's not the acceptable one.

00:37:53.000 Ask just any online feminist, what does it mean? 1.00

00:37:55.000 There's no it means you're my ex-boyfriend named George.

00:37:59.000 You're a click of mean girls, is that patriarchy? 1.00

00:38:02.000 Men are in a position of power.

00:38:03.000 That's the patriarchy.

00:38:03.000 Right.

00:38:04.000 But men have been in the workplace for hundreds of years more than women.

00:38:08.000 There's a real problem with the idea that all of a sudden it should be caught up.

00:38:11.000 But what about you?

00:38:12.000 I actually hear this shit where somebody goes, and people wonder where all the female comedians are. 1.00

00:38:18.000 Who said that?

00:38:19.000 Dude, there were people talking about it when Louis got shellacked by that fucked up article.

00:38:23.000 People were saying that shit about, you know, how come there's not an equal number of female comedians to males? 0.94

00:38:28.000 Well, because women are treated better in our society. 1.00

00:38:31.000 If there's ever an equal amount of female comedians, you know women are being abused way more than ever. 1.00

00:38:36.000 Because you don't get in this job from a happy...

00:38:40.000 You get laughs because you're fucked up.

00:38:42.000 So I hope there's not a lot of women in it. 1.00

00:38:44.000 That would mean they're being raped more. 1.00

00:38:46.000 There's that, but it is also, it's just from a female perspective, if a chick's funny, it's harder because something happened to her. 1.00

00:38:54.000 They can't, but they can't talk about certain things.

00:38:56.000 Like no man wants to see a woman on stage telling politics stories or politic jokes. 1.00

00:39:02.000 If it's funny, you know, you say that.

00:39:04.000 Liz Winstead did create a Moby Daily Show.

00:39:07.000 Maybe you.

00:39:08.000 But most people in the audience for a woman started. 0.99

00:39:12.000 I won't rule out anything.

00:39:14.000 I won't say any premise is hacky, just punchline.

00:39:17.000 So if your premise is airline fucking peanuts, that's fine.

00:39:19.000 Tell me what your punchline is.

00:39:20.000 Maybe your punchline justifies it.

00:39:23.000 I won't rule out any premises.

00:39:25.000 I'm the opposite.

00:39:26.000 Premises are hacky.

00:39:26.000 I don't either.

00:39:27.000 But people probably don't want to hear it.

00:39:30.000 It's like, look, if you can get people to listen to some shit that they basically don't want to hear, like, oh, great.

00:39:35.000 Like, this is when I used to do the black rooms when I started.

00:39:38.000 Listen, I'm totally in agreement with you.

00:39:39.000 I'm totally in agreement with you.

00:39:40.000 We're not talking about Cape Man coffee.

00:39:43.000 We're not talking caffeine.

00:39:44.000 I feel wired as fuck right now.

00:39:45.000 Dude, I'm wicked wired from that.

00:39:47.000 How much caffeine is you?

00:39:47.000 270 milligrams.

00:39:48.000 How many did you drink?

00:39:49.000 Oh, my God.

00:39:50.000 Well, I just started sipping one, but I'm like, I just want to drink.

00:39:52.000 But there's a second one that's empty.

00:39:53.000 Did you black out and suck that one drink?

00:39:55.000 I just drank one.

00:39:56.000 What the fuck is this?

00:39:58.000 Dude, it's a damn thing.

00:39:59.000 I'm not talking about me.

00:40:00.000 I'm talking about most people that they're going to, when a woman goes on stage and does stand-up, most people that are going to be in the audience, there's men that are just not going to want to hear you talk about politics.

00:40:09.000 There's men that are not going to want to hear you talk about sex. 0.99

00:40:11.000 It's harder for a woman. 1.00

00:40:13.000 I think it's a harder position.

00:40:15.000 Being a stand-up comic for a woman is just harder. 0.98

00:40:17.000 So I think if it's harder, you're naturally going to see less people doing it, and then there's naturally less people inclined to do it.

00:40:23.000 But it's just like female MMA. 1.00

00:40:25.000 Most women are not going to do it, but guess what? 1.00

00:40:26.000 A lot of women do it. 1.00

00:40:27.000 If you're the type that does it, you fucking do it.

00:40:29.000 But there's no fucking...

00:40:33.000 Why aren't there an equal number of women than men? 1.00

00:40:34.000 Don't say that, right?

00:40:36.000 They're not really fans of...

00:40:39.000 Remember, I don't think that's it.

00:40:41.000 I think it's because it's an untenable argument.

00:40:43.000 You can't say there should be an equal amount of women fighting as men because it's not. 1.00

00:40:43.000 What? 1.00

00:40:48.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:40:49.000 Well, it's getting punched in the face.

00:40:50.000 That's one area.

00:40:51.000 That's one area where we agree.

00:40:54.000 It's one area we get to, we go, oh, yeah, well, men are, they do this better.

00:40:57.000 Right.

00:40:57.000 This is they do it more.

00:40:58.000 They're doing it constantly.

00:41:00.000 And there's some elite female athletes in MMA. 1.00

00:41:02.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:41:03.000 Of course.

00:41:03.000 Rival the elite athletes of men.

00:41:05.000 They used to be men.

00:41:05.000 They had the operation.

00:41:06.000 They're seeing way more men.

00:41:07.000 Fucking way more.

00:41:08.000 I mean, it's not even a matter of time.

00:41:09.000 Same with basketball in WSP.

00:41:10.000 It's punching sport.

00:41:11.000 I hope so.

00:41:12.000 Right, but this is what my point is.

00:41:14.000 The same as stand-up.

00:41:15.000 Yeah, because stand-up's another getting punched in the face sport to me.

00:41:18.000 It's super fucking difficult.

00:41:20.000 You take an emotional beating.

00:41:21.000 Some people don't want to do it.

00:41:22.000 It's not a judgment call.

00:41:23.000 It's not like you're better or you're worse than that.

00:41:25.000 I think it picks you because the people that left that I started, Right.

00:41:32.000 And people that stage, I can't believe you're still here.

00:41:35.000 It's clearly a calling and not a beating.

00:41:38.000 Some people just decide, too, they've had enough.

00:41:40.000 They don't want to get off this fucking ride.

00:41:42.000 You know, there's a lot of guys that were like big time touring headliners.

00:41:45.000 They got to a point and they're like, fuck this.

00:41:47.000 They usually go to Vegas or something.

00:41:48.000 Yeah, yeah, they do that.

00:41:49.000 Or they just fucking get some sort of a writing job.

00:41:52.000 Some guys get writing jobs.

00:41:54.000 Or they start doing tree work like me.

00:41:56.000 They move to the middle of their work and freeze outside.

00:41:58.000 Just start cutting down trees.

00:42:00.000 You know, I like the Writers Guild, but...

00:42:20.000 Outside of that, your job is what you choose to do with your life.

00:42:23.000 When boys grow up playing with fucking trucks and superheroes, and girls grow up playing with dolls, and they obviously are more inclined in this direction, and men are more inclined in that direction, that we expect them to meet at any interest, and that we would force it?

00:42:38.000 And force it ruins it.

00:42:39.000 It also ruins it for women. 1.00

00:42:41.000 It makes them think that they should do jobs that they might not enjoy, and then they get really depressed.

00:42:45.000 Yeah, or they think that they need to prove themselves by doing a man's job.

00:42:48.000 Exactly.

00:42:49.000 Instead of just doing what they actually enjoy doing.

00:42:51.000 Well, I mean, you know, it's funny when I was a camera, my mom wanted to work, and she got a job, and then she was mad because she wanted to stop working.

00:42:57.000 Yeah.

00:42:58.000 But, I mean, it just depends on the level of need, right?

00:43:02.000 Like, if there's, like, a war or a bad economy or something, guess what?

00:43:04.000 You're going to go get a job.

00:43:06.000 Yeah, but that's a different thing, right?

00:43:07.000 That's different than the...

00:43:08.000 During war, like, everybody was sort of bonded together because, you know, they had to make shit constantly.

00:43:13.000 Well, there seems to be a much more of a...

00:43:16.000 You know, I was talking about my girlfriend.

00:43:17.000 My girlfriend's a comic. 0.97

00:43:18.000 Like, I realized...

00:43:20.000 This even ties in with this Jazz Night thing because I realized, like...

00:43:24.000 Or she realized that, like, half the bad things that happened to her in the last four years were social media related.

00:43:29.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:43:30.000 Or maybe all of it.

00:43:32.000 I'm thinking about it, like...

00:43:33.000 If I think of all the bullshit, like, stress on my life that I had in you, it's from fucking social media.

00:43:37.000 I know, but it is real, though.

00:43:38.000 Like, I've had a couple theaters canceled on me recently.

00:43:40.000 I have people trying to ruin my life.

00:43:42.000 Oh, dude.

00:43:42.000 I mean, strangers, like, set out, I'm going to ruin your life.

00:43:46.000 Like, where I was like, wow, you got a lot of...

00:43:47.000 Oh, dude, it costs money now.

00:43:49.000 It's crazy.

00:43:50.000 That's one reason why...

00:43:51.000 What did you get theaters canceled for?

00:43:52.000 Well, I booked two art schools.

00:43:55.000 I just paid them to rent it, like, the area, and I sold it out myself, and then they would just cancel saying that I do hate speech or something.

00:44:02.000 What art school?

00:44:03.000 There's one, Merritt, in Chicago, and then Brooklyn School of Music just canceled on me, and I had to switch it that day.

00:44:08.000 Chicago and Brooklyn, though, are, like, hotbeds.

00:44:11.000 Well, first of all, Chicago is filled with social jihadis.

00:44:13.000 And I thought I was safe.

00:44:14.000 Like, I'm a piano player.

00:44:16.000 I never say SGW.

00:44:17.000 Social jihadis.

00:44:18.000 No, dude, and I thought that was, like, my safe spot.

00:44:21.000 I'm like, dude, I'm a piano player, man.

00:44:23.000 Chicago is so full of, like...

00:44:25.000 Dude, everywhere is everywhere.

00:44:26.000 It's like the nothing from the NeverEnding Story.

00:44:28.000 It's just, like, everywhere now.

00:44:29.000 Well, you know, dude, if you go to these underserved markets, like, Detroit's right there.

00:44:32.000 There's people that want to see you in Detroit.

00:44:34.000 You go to, like...

00:44:34.000 Bro, I'll go to Detroit in a heartbeat.

00:44:35.000 Detroit is fucking amazing.

00:44:37.000 I love Detroit, man.

00:44:38.000 I'm in track.

00:44:39.000 Is that the fucking area I was in?

00:44:40.000 No, I did this place small.

00:44:42.000 Some rock club.

00:44:43.000 Dude, it was tremendous.

00:44:44.000 Yeah, I had a great time in Detroit.

00:44:45.000 I did that.

00:44:46.000 Fillmore.

00:44:47.000 I did two shows there.

00:44:48.000 It was fucking amazing.

00:44:49.000 I opened for Schwartz in there, like, seven years ago.

00:44:51.000 Fucking fun, man.

00:44:51.000 It was sick.

00:44:52.000 They appreciate you.

00:44:53.000 Well, it's easy to forget...

00:44:54.000 They're happy to be there.

00:44:55.000 ...you know, this horse shit.

00:44:57.000 Because there's this cult that these people are in that's in Hollywood and New York and...

00:45:00.000 Yeah, it's a total religion.

00:45:01.000 That's just there.

00:45:01.000 It's not...

00:45:02.000 If you're in the rest of the country, people aren't...

00:45:04.000 You know, this is the thing that you get fooled with social media is you think this is, like, reality.

00:45:08.000 No, but it is everywhere, but they don't like it.

00:45:10.000 That's the difference.

00:45:10.000 Like, Hollywood can have people being like, oh, no, this is great.

00:45:13.000 But it is in other colleges, and, like, all of college kids write me that they have to sign a white privilege contract at, like, their college.

00:45:21.000 Yeah, I've seen that.

00:45:22.000 What does that mean?

00:45:23.000 But at least they...

00:45:23.000 It means they acknowledge their white privilege.

00:45:25.000 privilege which is basically i don't know something that happens usually before genocide or whatnot but wait but you acknowledge your white privilege it means that you have it easier.

00:45:32.000 That's amazing.

00:45:32.000 I've never heard of that.

00:45:33.000 Bro, it's unreal.

00:45:34.000 Well, they're giving kids in certain schools, they're giving kids lectures on gender and that how some people are gender fluid, meaning that they can switch back and forth from male to female at any time.

00:45:43.000 Like at what point in time do we go, okay, maybe that's true, but what's the odds that that's nonsense?

00:45:50.000 The odds that are overwhelming.

00:45:53.000 I mean, it might be someone with some sort of a psychological disorder where they do bounce back and forth between being a man and a woman.

00:46:00.000 But at what point in time can we recognize that this is a psychological disorder?

00:46:03.000 And this is just not a natural state of being, like having red hair. 1.00

00:46:06.000 By the way, also, I don't give a shit.

00:46:07.000 I know, it's not a reality thing, man.

00:46:09.000 Why does that involve me?

00:46:10.000 But why do you have to teach kids that are not afraid of that?

00:46:12.000 People fighting to be, you know, they go like, well, white is considered default. 0.85

00:46:16.000 I'm like, well, that's because it's a majority white population.

00:46:18.000 Like, default doesn't mean...

00:46:22.000 Fighting by default?

00:46:22.000 What do you mean?

00:46:23.000 That doesn't make any sense.

00:46:24.000 Like when people go, flesh-colored band-aids are white, which I don't even know if that's still true.

00:46:29.000 No brown band-aids.

00:46:30.000 It's literally a matter of population.

00:46:32.000 Why are you fighting to be default or the boring...

00:46:39.000 I didn't want to be in the main.

00:46:41.000 Dude, my hype shit.

00:46:43.000 I can't go on a fucking roller coaster.

00:46:44.000 Well, the answer to the band-aid thing is very easy.

00:46:46.000 At the time that band-aids were invented, there was a far greater population of white people.

00:46:51.000 Yeah, no shit.

00:46:52.000 There's more now.

00:46:53.000 Would they say within 30 years, white people are going to be the minority?

00:46:56.000 I think they're also freed out, too.

00:46:58.000 Looking forward to it.

00:46:59.000 Damn way.

00:47:00.000 Like, is my kid white?

00:47:01.000 I don't even know.

00:47:02.000 Your kid is definitely not white. 0.71

00:47:03.000 Well, yeah, he kind of fish and your kid's half Mexican. 1.00

00:47:05.000 Yeah.

00:47:06.000 So can I smoke this in here, by the way?

00:47:07.000 Yeah, sure.

00:47:08.000 Is that marijuana?

00:47:08.000 I'd rather you not.

00:47:09.000 Yeah.

00:47:10.000 What do you got going on there?

00:47:11.000 Some little glass pipe?

00:47:12.000 Yeah, it's a chillum.

00:47:14.000 A chillum.

00:47:15.000 It's like a fish concert pipe.

00:47:15.000 That's what these are.

00:47:17.000 I thought a chillum was that thing they do with hash.

00:47:20.000 Maybe.

00:47:20.000 I'm not sure, but that's what it is.

00:47:21.000 I mean, it's just the same thing.

00:47:23.000 So it's just a one-hitter.

00:47:24.000 Yeah.

00:47:24.000 We got joints here if you want to spark a joint.

00:47:26.000 I do want to spark a joint.

00:47:28.000 I think it's because of student debt that all this shit's happening.

00:47:30.000 Because of what?

00:47:31.000 Student debt?

00:47:32.000 No.

00:47:32.000 It's because of a lot of fucking...

00:47:38.000 The economy tanked.

00:47:39.000 All of a sudden, there's money to be made.

00:47:41.000 And there's $60,000 in debt for underwater vagina ballet, and then they have to justify it somehow.

00:47:45.000 It's crazy.

00:47:45.000 First of all, if you are an expert in underwater vagina ballet, that's a marketable skill to me.

00:47:50.000 Yeah.

00:47:51.000 You should not be broke at all.

00:47:53.000 Underwater vagina ballet. 0.77

00:47:55.000 The social media, if you notice, the news media start taking cues from gossip shit.

00:48:00.000 So TMZ is almost a quaint old respectable thing now.

00:48:00.000 Okay?

00:48:04.000 Dude, the onion is the most valid smoke out of the werewolf, right?

00:48:07.000 Dude, that's exactly what I'm saying.

00:48:09.000 I'm going to smoke out of this waiting for you to get to it.

00:48:11.000 Sorry.

00:48:11.000 That's okay.

00:48:12.000 But you know, fucking up.

00:48:14.000 You just keep drinking crack until I want to get it.

00:48:16.000 Whenever Gawker and fucking BuzzFeed, basically the print media starts going out of business.

00:48:21.000 All of a sudden, gossipy bullshit and all the social jihadi.

00:48:24.000 It makes a lot of money.

00:48:25.000 It makes a lot of money.

00:48:26.000 Everything's got to be outrage or uplifting.

00:48:28.000 Click.

00:48:29.000 Yeah, and my friend works in, she don't know more, but my friend Aaron, yo, you knew her from when you came on Race Wars at Syria.

00:48:36.000 Oh, yeah, I remember Aaron.

00:48:37.000 Yeah, she used to be managing editor at Jezebel, okay?

00:48:40.000 She would get sick at these fucking generations she spawned with her fucking stuff. 1.00

00:48:45.000 Just to sell shit, too.

00:48:46.000 That's the thing.

00:48:46.000 It isn't like a big plan.

00:48:48.000 It's just like to sell Geico ads.

00:48:50.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:48:52.000 There's now these people, whatever these problems are, they're claiming they don't want them solved.

00:48:56.000 They clearly want to have the conflict going on forever because they make a living on it.

00:49:00.000 There's people that just make, they're all on Patreon.

00:49:02.000 They're basically clergy.

00:49:03.000 They're clergy of this jihadi shit, and they're always on Patreon with a handout who help me go to schools and tell kids about fucking, you know. 1.00

00:49:12.000 Hit the werewolf. 0.88

00:49:13.000 Jenoquefs or whatever.

00:49:14.000 I know.

00:49:14.000 They got to make problems where there aren't any problems.

00:49:17.000 But I think it's because of our instinct to run away from a lion is stronger than towards a banana.

00:49:22.000 Let me offer an alternative point of view.

00:49:24.000 Think about how often you get into bullshit arguments online and you're a successful comedian who's married with children.

00:49:30.000 Now, think of yourself as being 20 years old at college, talking shit, writing a blog, whatever, decided you're going to take down all these monsters.

00:49:40.000 It's a natural inclination to do.

00:49:42.000 And it's also natural to pick a fucking side.

00:49:44.000 It's natural to decide.

00:49:45.000 You see people aggressive in one direction.

00:49:47.000 I'm going to be on the other side and say, fuck those people.

00:49:49.000 Look at this.

00:49:50.000 I'm just smoking the manliest pipe in the world.

00:49:51.000 Don't mind me.

00:49:52.000 How dope is that?

00:49:53.000 SV pipe design on Instagram.

00:49:56.000 Like talking about fucking society and shit, smoking a werewolf pipe.

00:50:00.000 Go on, Mr. Ogle.

00:50:02.000 But you can't default on any of these loans.

00:50:04.000 It's a trillion-dollar debt.

00:50:05.000 Well, that's a giant issue.

00:50:06.000 Those kids are getting fucked because it's a hustle.

00:50:09.000 They tell you you have to do it.

00:50:10.000 And in some jobs, you do have to do it.

00:50:12.000 But you should probably think about what the fuck you want to do with your life ultimately before you do it.

00:50:18.000 I don't think it's a bad idea to travel overseas, to experience some things, take some jobs, and then get some life experiences that, you know what, I'm leaning towards being a this.

00:50:28.000 Or what interests me is that.

00:50:31.000 Take the time to find out what gender you are.

00:50:33.000 Don't let your birthflow be.

00:50:34.000 Find out if you bounce.

00:50:35.000 Dude, I spent 50 grand on a history education that I could have gotten from Dan Carlin for nothing.

00:50:40.000 Grab that letter.

00:50:41.000 Or Daniel.

00:50:43.000 Oh, dude, yeah, he's on.

00:50:44.000 History on fire.

00:50:45.000 History on fire.

00:50:46.000 Spartacus is sick.

00:50:46.000 He's a bad motherfucker, that Danielle Balilli.

00:50:49.000 I don't know anything about him.

00:50:50.000 He's a history podcast guy.

00:50:52.000 Well, you just have committed to not reading books by white males for the next month.

00:50:57.000 Just read more books of people of color.

00:50:59.000 You can read books by white people, but the way I suggest, I suggest a five-to-one ratio. 0.94

00:51:04.000 People of color makes no sense. 1.00

00:51:05.000 What does a Nigerian, a Filipino, and like a Sri Lankan have in common?

00:51:10.000 There was something.

00:51:12.000 Jordan Peterson tweeted real recently.

00:51:14.000 It was a HuffPost editor that was talking about her ultimate goal of getting more contributions being white or less contributions being white, more contributions by people of color and women. 0.99

00:51:26.000 And she had like this whole breakdown in numbers, like the numbers that they've achieved of how they're still working on it of getting rid of the white voice. 0.83

00:51:35.000 Just be the white woman's work that he's never done. 1.00

00:51:38.000 That's the bottom line.

00:51:39.000 White women do so much. 1.00

00:51:40.000 'Cause I don't know any black people, by the way, Dude, I can't think of a single black person in my life that has ever demanded I say any of it or agree or this news.

00:51:54.000 This new identity shit.

00:51:55.000 It's never the shit that they're claiming.

00:51:56.000 I'm 40, though, so this is like people like, I guess, my age and not.

00:51:59.000 It's generational, dude.

00:52:01.000 yeah, if you were in the 20s, if you were hanging out with 20-year-old kids, you'd be experiencing this.

00:52:05.000 Well, now they went full circle.

00:52:07.000 But they're trying to say that your dick doesn't matter, though.

00:52:09.000 With the racism, I can't even believe it's at a point where people with a straight face push segregation under the guise of anti-you know what I mean?

00:52:17.000 Like all that safe space.

00:52:18.000 This is a colored space.

00:52:20.000 I'm like, you know, we had that in the 50s and shit.

00:52:22.000 Well, that's the Soviet Union.

00:52:23.000 They do everything the opposite.

00:52:25.000 It's double speak.

00:52:26.000 Tolerance is authoritarianism.

00:52:28.000 Well, yeah, but wait, say it again.

00:52:31.000 It's all the opposite.

00:52:31.000 I'm saying that.

00:52:32.000 It's double speak.

00:52:33.000 Where if you say tolerance, that means authoritarianism.

00:52:35.000 No, it's what is enforced tolerance.

00:52:38.000 Yeah, they solve the tolerance.

00:52:40.000 Yeah, it becomes like a mandatory behavior pattern that you're supposed to be.

00:52:42.000 Like hate speech is free speech.

00:52:44.000 It just doesn't.

00:52:45.000 Who decides hate?

00:52:46.000 Once you got, being a stupid cult, I got, I have an obsession.

00:52:50.000 Well, explain to people because people haven't heard me on your show before, they don't know about you.

00:52:54.000 He's a Jehovah's Witness, which I never thought of as a cult, honestly.

00:52:57.000 I never called them a cult, and I never really had an anger towards it.

00:52:59.000 But when I think about it, you know, they didn't help my fucking, it didn't help my fucking family.

00:53:03.000 It only hurt.

00:53:04.000 And that's the thing with these religions. 0.97

00:53:05.000 They never help.

00:53:06.000 And that's what this shit is.

00:53:07.000 See, some religions, I think, can help certain people.

00:53:10.000 I don't believe they don't.

00:53:11.000 Especially the people who are not.

00:53:11.000 The parts that helped were fucking the nicest people on the planet.

00:53:14.000 What I'm saying is the parts that helped were parts I didn't need the religion for.

00:53:18.000 You didn't, but you have an accelerated mind.

00:53:20.000 I mean, I saw people have their lives.

00:53:22.000 I saw a guy who was at meth head.

00:53:24.000 I remember this in my church, and he had like bad teeth and shit.

00:53:26.000 And then his whole family came in.

00:53:28.000 And all of a sudden, he had new teeth, and they were like a happy news.

00:53:30.000 I see what an atheist is.

00:53:31.000 That's what that too, though.

00:53:33.000 I see atheists like that. 1.00

00:53:34.000 Go ahead.

00:53:34.000 Oh, sorry.

00:53:35.000 I wanted to hear that story because that's what I'm talking about.

00:53:37.000 Yeah, no, I've seen that happen.

00:53:39.000 I don't think I'm an atheist at all.

00:53:41.000 I have no idea.

00:53:42.000 So when you were under that truck, so when you were in that accident, did you contemplate like, oh my God, I might be going to heaven or I might be going to hell?

00:53:50.000 Or you're like, yes, I'm dead.

00:53:52.000 I didn't even have time for that until we were spending it.

00:53:54.000 Just like, this is the end.

00:53:55.000 But I'll tell you why it felt good was it was so out of my control what was happening.

00:53:59.000 I mean, not one part of it, because usually I think I'm going to die because I fucking did something.

00:54:02.000 Right.

00:54:03.000 But like, it was so out of my hands that it was comforting.

00:54:07.000 Like, I was like, oh, there's nothing.

00:54:09.000 It's just your time when it's your time, man.

00:54:11.000 And it's nothing my fault.

00:54:13.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:54:14.000 I'm like, oh, that's right.

00:54:17.000 Versus me, I'm like, I shouldn't have tweeted that.

00:54:19.000 Is there stabbing?

00:54:20.000 I think that's, this is the creepy part because Jehovah's Witnesses and that guy with the teeth, he had a way to come back in. 1.00

00:54:28.000 Or my ex-girlfriend that got caught shoplifting because all white girls shoplift. 1.00

00:54:30.000 I don't know if you know that.

00:54:31.000 They do.

00:54:32.000 Because no one would ever believe it was them.

00:54:33.000 Passwords.

00:54:34.000 Winona Ryder was the queen of shoplifting white girls. 1.00

00:54:36.000 Because who would think she would do that? 0.96

00:54:37.000 I would ask, but they all do it.

00:54:40.000 They all do it?

00:54:40.000 And they all have it.

00:54:42.000 Almost all white girls. 1.00

00:54:43.000 Unless they're, I mean, my church, I'm sure there were sincere people that didn't shoplift.

00:54:46.000 That is a white girl fucking thing to do to shoplift birthdays. 1.00

00:54:51.000 A gal I don't know.

00:54:52.000 Have you seen tests?

00:54:53.000 A gal I used to date had a real issue. 1.00

00:54:55.000 Yeah.

00:54:56.000 She was a real addicted shoplifter. 1.00

00:54:58.000 She got arrested hundreds of dollars of clothes.

00:55:01.000 She would go and change into different things, put things on under her clothes and walk out with them.

00:55:06.000 Well, my ex got caught and she had to go to, and I didn't even know, like, I don't even know why she didn't tell me.

00:55:10.000 She was like, I didn't want to tell you.

00:55:11.000 I'm like, I don't care.

00:55:12.000 But she got caught and had to do community service.

00:55:14.000 I think in like Harlem.

00:55:15.000 And she was afraid to do it.

00:55:16.000 But she said, like, people were walking up and like thanking her for like, you know, picking up trash with an orange vest because people just skip out on it.

00:55:23.000 And once you do the service, they wipe it from your record.

00:55:25.000 Basically, it's like you just got caught.

00:55:27.000 You're offered a way back where you don't have it on your record.

00:55:30.000 It's not a mark.

00:55:31.000 That's the thing that could work for somebody that's not going to be like, so religion has that.

00:55:35.000 If I want to go back and be Jehovah's Witness, I could go, listen, I was wrong. 1.00

00:55:38.000 I miss being part of the truth, blah, blah, blah.

00:55:41.000 And I can get back in.

00:55:43.000 These people have created a religion where they catch you in some minor mistake and they throw you to your banished Kramer Island or whatever.

00:55:50.000 And they're fucking proud of it.

00:55:52.000 And the only way you can move ahead is to catch someone else.

00:55:54.000 So it's like it's so much worse than religion because there's no love or forgiveness of any kind.

00:56:00.000 It's this empty black.

00:56:01.000 And the only thing that matters is you're part of the right identity.

00:56:05.000 I mean, it's basically just a racism as religion.

00:56:08.000 But they use shame.

00:56:09.000 And that's why the only way out of it is to not care.

00:56:12.000 Because shame is the only way to control people.

00:56:14.000 Where they go, you're a big one.

00:56:15.000 But there's other ways.

00:56:16.000 You could control me other ways.

00:56:17.000 No, no, for the social justice warrior religion.

00:56:20.000 The way to do it is shame.

00:56:22.000 I think it's important what you're saying is that that it follows the same sort of patterns.

00:56:28.000 That these bitches should find Jesus, they'd be happier? 1.00

00:56:31.000 No.

00:56:33.000 Yeah, gluten-free is culture.

00:56:34.000 You know Jesus Christ will fucking...

00:56:36.000 I mean, it's like what you experience as a Jehovah Witness is the same thing. 0.54

00:56:41.000 We were talking before you got here about them trying to cancel Jordan Peterson speeches, and these people were sending these emails, and professors were sending emails calling him a racist and a Nazi and saying he's a fascist and all these different things.

00:56:54.000 And what I'm saying is that when you ramp up the fake reality to the point where you're saying things you know aren't true.

00:57:02.000 You think you're doing it for the right reason.

00:57:03.000 They do it purposely.

00:57:04.000 They do it purposely.

00:57:05.000 They think they're doing it for the right reason.

00:57:06.000 But if they really are, they're really not a fan of Jordan Peterson.

00:57:10.000 They would realize how crazy it is to say he's racist, how crazy it is to say he's transphobic or anything.

00:57:15.000 He's not a Nazi by any stretch of the imagination.

00:57:18.000 He just doesn't tolerate nonsense.

00:57:20.000 That's all it is.

00:57:21.000 And they want nonsense.

00:57:22.000 Of course.

00:57:23.000 So they're proving him right by calling him a Nazi.

00:57:25.000 You're right.

00:57:26.000 Well, it's just, look, this is why I think that it'll just burn itself out eventually because you can't keep throwing, they throw people, they throw all their people away.

00:57:35.000 You had Jamie Kilstein on recently.

00:57:37.000 I never.

00:57:38.000 But they stick around like the hunchback in 300. 1.00

00:57:40.000 You know, they're like, can I get back in?

00:57:43.000 They don't really throw that out.

00:57:44.000 And I know that guy from when I started comedy, okay?

00:57:47.000 Yeah.

00:57:47.000 And Jamie was always like, I think I talked like a while ago, I talked about, but it was like, you know, he was always a dude that felt small.

00:57:54.000 I always got the impression his girlfriend made up most of most of most of him when I knew him.

00:57:59.000 That he met this girl he was married to and she put all that shit.

00:58:02.000 She turned him into who he was.

00:58:04.000 Because he's just like a low self-esteem dude.

00:58:07.000 I mean, I can relate to that.

00:58:09.000 I can relate to a lot of that shit of where someone's like, all right, somebody feels bad and they want to be part of a group.

00:58:13.000 But that's what I'm just fascinated.

00:58:14.000 Like, how do you, for yourself, like, how do you like make all, and he's telling me all his personal experience, like, some shit I won't share, but like he can, but it sounded like being in a fucking religion.

00:58:24.000 And like, when it went, like, there's purity tests.

00:58:27.000 There's literally like purity tests.

00:58:28.000 Yeah.

00:58:29.000 Have you heard outside ideas?

00:58:30.000 You better not have listen to Tori Peters.

00:58:32.000 Dude, it sounded so much like we were supposed to guard our hearts and like not even read certain things.

00:58:38.000 You know, like, And if we had doubts, not say them because you might stumble your brother out of the faith.

00:58:44.000 Wow.

00:58:45.000 And that's the worst thing there is.

00:58:46.000 Like, okay, just put your question aside because God forbid you say something that puts doubt in Owen and then he falls out of the truth.

00:58:52.000 It's a clever little tactic.

00:58:53.000 That's what I do.

00:58:54.000 So they all do.

00:58:55.000 So the reason they got to crack down on bullshit like comedy or whatever the fuck or your Facebook or who give if you give a shit about something somebody tweeted, I mean, you must be fucking stupid, but that's all of America.

00:59:06.000 Well, it hurts.

00:59:06.000 Cognitive dissonance hurts, where it's like, Donald Trump is Hitler, now give him all your guns.

00:59:11.000 Man.

00:59:11.000 Like, that hurts your brain.

00:59:13.000 And so when someone shows up.

00:59:15.000 I'm sorry.

00:59:15.000 Say that again.

00:59:16.000 So the smoking pot.

00:59:17.000 So a lot of these same people have been all year have been trying to convince everyone that Donald Trump's being run by the Russians and he's Adolf Hitler.

00:59:26.000 And then the government should have all your guns.

00:59:30.000 It's the same with being pro-free market, but not acknowledging.

00:59:32.000 I've smoked yourself stupid.

00:59:33.000 Yeah, I really like it.

00:59:34.000 Both of us did.

00:59:36.000 I've certainly smoked myself stupid.

00:59:38.000 You know what Donald Trump is to me?

00:59:39.000 He's the guy.

00:59:40.000 He's the perfect, first of all, the perfect president of America.

00:59:43.000 This is, there's never been, and I mean for whatever party you're in, he is your avatar, man.

00:59:49.000 He is the fucking, like everybody that can't thinks they can do a job that they can't do, but they saw something on TV, like, I could probably do that better.

00:59:57.000 Like, it's high time we didn't have an expert, just a guy like me.

01:00:02.000 Like, he's the candidate of the volunteer fireman, of the gender studies professor, of the fucking, the, the vine star that became a comedian.

01:00:11.000 Like, all these people that like think they could just walk into some fucking, he is that. 0.80

01:00:11.000 Yeah. 0.80

01:00:15.000 Well, that's our DNA.

01:00:16.000 It's the people being like, the earth is flat.

01:00:18.000 Give me a boat.

01:00:19.000 Is there a golden pussy? 1.00

01:00:20.000 I'm going across the ocean.

01:00:21.000 Like, my truth and all that shit.

01:00:23.000 Like, dude, I don't know if you can't from Lewis and Clark.

01:00:26.000 Like, dude, the original fucking two-man comedy duo.

01:00:29.000 Wait, wait, wait, like the people that No shit.

01:00:32.000 Like, I'm the blood relative of that guy.

01:00:34.000 How'd you know that?

01:00:35.000 Did you go to one of those genealogy reports?

01:00:37.000 No, my dad told me.

01:00:39.000 He just knew.

01:00:39.000 Oh, wow.

01:00:40.000 That's crazy.

01:00:41.000 Who told him?

01:00:42.000 It might be one of those Warren Pocahontas things. 1.00

01:00:45.000 I took the genealogy test.

01:00:46.000 It turns out I'm gay.

01:00:49.000 Is that dead, Dan?

01:00:50.000 How crazy is that Elizabeth Warren lady? 1.00

01:00:52.000 Oh, she's insane. 1.00

01:00:54.000 She won't take an ancestry test. 0.97

01:00:56.000 She won't take away.

01:00:56.000 Oh, dude, it's the most classic.

01:00:58.000 You know, I will say this, though.

01:00:59.000 I had a guy on Racewars a long time ago.

01:01:02.000 What the name?

01:01:02.000 What the fuck is his name?

01:01:03.000 Sean?

01:01:04.000 Oh, what?

01:01:04.000 Let me ask you this.

01:01:05.000 Yeah.

01:01:05.000 But while we're on this Elizabeth Warren thing, do you care about whether or not she's really Native American?

01:01:12.000 You found out she's not.

01:01:13.000 Well, she brought it up for a while.

01:01:15.000 She took a job.

01:01:16.000 Like, she robbed these people.

01:01:17.000 Wait, what job?

01:01:18.000 Well, she's teaching at Harvard.

01:01:19.000 Teaching at Harvard.

01:01:20.000 She got like one of those.

01:01:21.000 She got a scholarship for being Native American.

01:01:23.000 She got a scholarship, too.

01:01:24.000 Well, how much Native American is she? 1.00

01:01:26.000 She pulled a Sean King.

01:01:27.000 132nd.

01:01:28.000 Yeah, but you have to understand something.

01:01:30.000 And I didn't know this.

01:01:31.000 That shit of blood quantum...

01:01:33.000 Native Americans didn't have... 1.00

01:01:38.000 I go, Joe Rogan's my son.

01:01:40.000 He is now 100% part of my thing.

01:01:42.000 No matter what his blood, they didn't get hung up on that.

01:01:44.000 That only came about to divvy up benefits, you know, after we were.

01:01:49.000 Like the real evil shit we did to natives was in modern times. 0.99

01:01:52.000 Back then, I don't, I mean, that's what everybody did back then.

01:01:54.000 I don't give a fuck.

01:01:55.000 But in modern times.

01:01:56.000 You're absolutely right, dude.

01:01:57.000 But in modern times, they did some very evil shit with them.

01:01:59.000 But the blood quantum, that was what they're kind of cool about the most Native nations is they didn't get hung up on your amount of blood.

01:02:08.000 When you're in the family, so you could be one.

01:02:09.000 Like Johnny Depp, when he said he got brought in the tribe so he could play Tonto, that's a legit thing traditionally in Native America.

01:02:17.000 They were much cooler about racial shit. 0.54

01:02:19.000 Like Europeans kind of brought that nonsense over more. 1.00

01:02:24.000 They used to kidnap people and people would stay with them.

01:02:26.000 They kidnaped it.

01:02:27.000 The Sebastian Younger is a better vibe.

01:02:29.000 The Sebastian Younger book detailed how many people would leave Western society and join the Native Americans.

01:02:35.000 Yeah, I didn't know how much it was like separate countries.

01:02:38.000 See, if they teach American history, that's what they should start at the very first, whatever countries were here, and then just move up through America because it's thousands of years of shit.

01:02:46.000 Count them.

01:02:47.000 They don't even count them.

01:02:48.000 Dude, it's really interesting shit.

01:02:49.000 Like, I didn't know how populated it was.

01:02:52.000 Dude, they were considered fauna in Canada until the 60s.

01:02:55.000 Or it might have been Australia, but they were considered fauna.

01:02:58.000 I think that might be Australia.

01:03:01.000 Yeah, it's Australia.

01:03:02.000 Oh, the Aborigines, they have a terrible story. 1.00

01:03:05.000 In the 1950s, they kidnapped the Aborigine babies and made them raised by white people. 0.99

01:03:12.000 They took the babies from Aborigine families. 1.00

01:03:15.000 It's like, where'd you get that baby?

01:03:16.000 It's like, I don't know.

01:03:16.000 They did it like a concerted effort.

01:03:18.000 They were going to try to civilize these people.

01:03:21.000 They decided they were going to civilize these people.

01:03:23.000 My buddy Adam Greentree lives over there.

01:03:26.000 Yeah, he's born and raised, and he works in mining companies.

01:03:30.000 So he deals with all these different Aborigines, and they all have different languages.

01:03:34.000 They're called a mob, like instead of a clan or a town.

01:03:38.000 Oh, really?

01:03:39.000 They call themselves a mob.

01:03:40.000 Really?

01:03:40.000 Yeah, and they might have a totally different name for things as a guy that lives five miles away.

01:03:47.000 Right, yeah.

01:03:48.000 Like five miles away, there's a bunch of totally different names, and those people stick to themselves, and these people stick to theirselves.

01:03:53.000 So there are these like bands of them, hundreds of them, all over the place.

01:03:57.000 And all these different languages are all, they're losing all of them.

01:04:01.000 They're going to lose all these languages if these people get assimilated because they're not really written down in a lot of cases.

01:04:06.000 Right.

01:04:07.000 Yeah, dude, did you see that lady? 0.99

01:04:09.000 It was on some fucking discovery, maybe?

01:04:11.000 You know, one of them fucking things.

01:04:12.000 But the oldest human language, I think, is Kaesong people.

01:04:16.000 They got wiped out by the Zulus back in the day. 1.00

01:04:18.000 Like, Shaka Zulu conquered them. 0.98

01:04:20.000 But the Kaesong, their language is like the oldest thing they can find, supposedly.

01:04:25.000 K-A-E song, S-O-N-G, I think. 1.00

01:04:28.000 Whoa.

01:04:29.000 But so this old, there's one of this old ass lady who knew something about like the word, and it was like, well, she's like, they come from animal noises. 1.00

01:04:36.000 Like the lion goes, brah!

01:04:38.000 And then the words they got came from mimicking.

01:04:40.000 It was interesting as fuck, but it's such cradle of civilization shit.

01:04:46.000 But the K-Song, I think, I think it's like their language is the oldest proto. 0.91

01:04:51.000 Well, you know, monkeys have a language that's different, different sounds for different things.

01:04:56.000 Like, watch out, there's a lion is a different noise than watch out, there's an eagle.

01:05:00.000 And these biologists, or what would they be?

01:05:03.000 Will they be if they're studying monkeys?

01:05:05.000 Primatologists, I guess?

01:05:06.000 These primatologists set up these speakers and played the sound of watch out, it's an eagle.

01:05:11.000 And all the monkeys fucking ducked and went running down the tree.

01:05:14.000 And they played watch out, there's a lion, and they're all looking down.

01:05:17.000 So they have a language?

01:05:18.000 They have a language.

01:05:19.000 They have a language.

01:05:20.000 And they play tricks on each other.

01:05:21.000 Like one guy will say, hey, watch out, there's a lion.

01:05:24.000 And they all run up the tree and he gets the food.

01:05:27.000 By the way, I told it.

01:05:28.000 I told it tell I was coming on.

01:05:30.000 He goes, oh, you goes, you guys get all pothead excited about the same still learning championship.

01:05:35.000 Exactly.

01:05:36.000 Exactly, we do.

01:05:37.000 I'm never going to stop either.

01:05:39.000 I don't give a fuck what anybody says.

01:05:40.000 You can't shame me into getting not geeked out about super volcanoes and shit.

01:05:44.000 I'm going to freak out about it.

01:05:45.000 I don't care.

01:05:45.000 It's wicked, exciting.

01:05:46.000 It's funny.

01:05:47.000 Super volcanoes?

01:05:48.000 I would love to.

01:05:49.000 Oh, we already talked about one before you got here that killed most of the people 70,000 years ago.

01:05:55.000 We were talking about how 70,000 years ago there was only 100,000 people.

01:05:58.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:59.000 Is this a rook still a thing that said that when they trace the genes back, it comes from a population of about 600 people?

01:06:05.000 Yeah, like small genes in the world.

01:06:08.000 I mean, there was probably many times during our history where we dwindled down to a very small number, too.

01:06:08.000 Yeah.

01:06:14.000 Yeah.

01:06:15.000 It's crazy.

01:06:16.000 It was really cold, too.

01:06:17.000 Oh, fuck, man.

01:06:18.000 In half of North America under more than a mile of ice.

01:06:21.000 And we made it through.

01:06:22.000 We can make it through Twitter, guys.

01:06:24.000 We can make it to Twitter, but you got to leave Anthony Jesswink alone.

01:06:29.000 This is how much weed has steered me off.

01:06:31.000 Of course.

01:06:32.000 Here's the point.

01:06:33.000 Do you know how many people in the last two weeks, and I mean, having conversations about dire shit in their lives, or like so-and-so unfollowed me on Instagram, and it was weighing on them?

01:06:43.000 Right.

01:06:43.000 Like, why did so-and-so unfollow me?

01:06:45.000 How come you don't follow me on something?

01:06:47.000 And I'm like, dude, the greatest thing, that media shit storm, man, because I feel like I did everything you can do on social media by having that happen.

01:06:54.000 I got to the limits of social media for myself.

01:06:56.000 I haven't banned out of it.

01:06:57.000 I'm so glad.

01:06:58.000 I'm so glad.

01:06:59.000 I mean, I put shit to promote on it, but I was telling you that, like, I'm so glad not to be talking to people on fucking social media.

01:07:06.000 The idea that I would give a shit, and that's like adults, man, like grown adults.

01:07:11.000 They unfollowed me on Instagram.

01:07:14.000 Like, just think of it, dude, who gives a shit if Jesnik blocked you on Twitter.

01:07:17.000 I mean, just funny.

01:07:19.000 I know we're all cyborgs.

01:07:20.000 It's definitely not funny.

01:07:21.000 I was too aggressive, but it's not even that funny.

01:07:23.000 But there's no context.

01:07:24.000 There's no context on Twitter.

01:07:26.000 So it doesn't matter.

01:07:27.000 There's no way to take it right because it's not being said.

01:07:29.000 You could say it to somebody and they go, oh, I get what he's saying.

01:07:32.000 And let's say even he got the context.

01:07:34.000 You're trying to be funny.

01:07:35.000 Someone else is going to make it something it's not.

01:07:38.000 That's what they do.

01:07:38.000 It's such...

01:07:40.000 It didn't even occur to me, dude, how much like...

01:07:43.000 Like, like, people that shouldn't even be allowed to make fucking eye contact with me that I'm having discourses with and shit online.

01:07:50.000 You shouldn't be allowed to find contact with me.

01:07:51.000 No, like, I mean, just the, because you're getting your head.

01:07:54.000 Dude, I had people like threatening crazy.

01:07:57.000 Whatever the shit you hear some fucking college speaker complain about, 10 times over I had coming at me from, I'm going to rape and murder your niece. 1.00

01:08:06.000 Well, it's explained for most people that don't know what to do.

01:08:09.000 I did a terrible thing where I said, hey, if you get raped, maybe go to the cops on the way to posting it on Facebook that UCB has determined guilt in a rape case.

01:08:19.000 I'm merely suggesting.

01:08:20.000 Hit the brakes.

01:08:21.000 No one knows what the fuck you're talking about.

01:08:23.000 So let's just explain the story.

01:08:24.000 Dude, this cop is so strong.

01:08:26.000 It's very strong.

01:08:27.000 He's off the charts.

01:08:28.000 No, I only had one and a quarter, and it is fucking strong.

01:08:32.000 It's crank.

01:08:33.000 I'm trying to counteract it with this indico.

01:08:34.000 I just want people to understand the story.

01:08:37.000 There was a guy that was accused of rape, and you had decided they shouldn't be tried in the court of public opinion on social media.

01:08:43.000 Right.

01:08:44.000 And what you said is why.

01:08:45.000 And you said that I'm not sure if you're not.

01:08:46.000 It's my friend.

01:08:46.000 First of all, not somebody's my friend.

01:08:48.000 Not somebody, no, not even defending him.

01:08:50.000 I'm defending anybody.

01:08:51.000 Like, how is this fucking cool that this is going to be tried on fucking Facebook?

01:08:56.000 Someone is sending around a message that so-and-so has been found.

01:09:00.000 UCB, the noted clown college, has done an internal investigation and determined so-and-so is guilty of rape.

01:09:07.000 So if you have any information, come in.

01:09:08.000 That's on Facebook.

01:09:09.000 Did they really say it that way?

01:09:11.000 It was first in an online woman group, then it got leaked onto regular Facebook.

01:09:15.000 But is it, but is a representative of the UCB that said that they didn't?

01:09:20.000 It was some fucking girl on her own. 1.00

01:09:22.000 Oh, I found out that it wasn't.

01:09:23.000 Well, that's a big difference, right?

01:09:24.000 But she did it under the umbrella of UCB.

01:09:27.000 Did she do it under the UCB Twitter page or Facebook page, rather?

01:09:30.000 I have no idea.

01:09:30.000 It was from Twitter or something.

01:09:32.000 Well, whatever it is, I mean, she could have found it.

01:09:33.000 I just found it from Mike Che.

01:09:34.000 I saw it on Mike Che's page.

01:09:35.000 It wasn't even the thing I found.

01:09:37.000 The problem is if you're saying the UCB did it and they didn't, that's the problem.

01:09:43.000 No, no, no.

01:09:44.000 Okay.

01:09:44.000 She said that.

01:09:46.000 But you said the UCB determined that it was rape.

01:09:50.000 I saw a post that said that.

01:09:52.000 Right.

01:09:52.000 And this is from a person.

01:09:54.000 The UCB didn't say it.

01:09:54.000 But she said it.

01:09:56.000 No, it's not their official word at all.

01:09:57.000 Okay.

01:09:57.000 Right.

01:09:58.000 Yeah, bro, let's be very clear about that.

01:09:58.000 So it's just a person who's a person.

01:10:00.000 They never claimed that.

01:10:01.000 It was a person who I think was like a rape counselor or something or somebody to deal with like this.

01:10:06.000 It was like a rapey job.

01:10:06.000 There's a bunch of people.

01:10:07.000 So something happened between performers.

01:10:11.000 Something happened between performers and this one guy was being accused.

01:10:14.000 And you said he should, just real simple, without knowing who's guilty or not.

01:10:19.000 You said he shouldn't be tried.

01:10:21.000 Here's what happened.

01:10:21.000 A guy that opened for me somewhere was friends with him and go, hey, can he call you?

01:10:26.000 Now, first question, why I call me?

01:10:29.000 What am I a noted rape investigator on Facebook?

01:10:31.000 I think just because I was somebody that yelled, this is me not being aware of what's building up.

01:10:35.000 I just yell out on Facebook about stuff and I had a following.

01:10:38.000 So it's almost like a, oh, like, can he talk to you and then throw your weight behind?

01:10:43.000 You know, I think it was like, but I'm, you know, I didn't look at it as shit at Facebook like that.

01:10:48.000 Like it was like not, I didn't understand like how people were looking at my Facebook.

01:10:54.000 But anyway, I talked to the guy on the phone and he told me something I think was a lie.

01:10:54.000 It's ridiculous.

01:11:00.000 I mean, you know, obviously I can't say one or the other, but looking back, I think what he told me is a lie, that people were accusing him because he didn't book them on his show, which just doesn't really make a lot of sense.

01:11:10.000 Comedy women were that quick to pull the trigger on a rape accusation. 1.00

01:11:14.000 You look at how evil they would have to be.

01:11:17.000 Oh, he won't book me?

01:11:18.000 He fucking raised me.

01:11:19.000 Do you know how crazy that accusation is?

01:11:21.000 I can believe they would be involved in comedy, but that many at once together.

01:11:25.000 It's like, light me at eight minutes.

01:11:27.000 Make it 10 or else we got a rape on our hands. 1.00

01:11:29.000 Well, but so quick.

01:11:30.000 But my point was, if this dude's guilty, this is worse because what you've done is handed somebody a lawsuit.

01:11:35.000 You can't defame someone like that.

01:11:37.000 And it's like, like, you could just get sued for that.

01:11:39.000 And also, this is.

01:11:40.000 You have to be convicted before you're allowed to say that, like, legally.

01:11:44.000 But to me, it's not, I mean, it's like they're taking the campus thing of like where we're going to have a college campus kick you out of school for that rape you committed.

01:11:52.000 Dude, what you said was undeniably hard.

01:11:54.000 No, I'm sorry.

01:11:55.000 It's okay.

01:11:55.000 But that's not a punishment.

01:11:57.000 That's not a punishment for rape is you get kicked out of school. 0.86

01:12:00.000 This is gender studies bullshit trickling down into real life.

01:12:03.000 Okay.

01:12:04.000 So the colleges, I assume, let that go on because they don't want to be known as a school where your daughter could get raped.

01:12:10.000 So they let these little groups pretend to have power and do a little tribunal, and then everybody's happy.

01:12:15.000 But meanwhile, a rapist got expelled.

01:12:17.000 That's their punishment.

01:12:18.000 Great job.

01:12:19.000 It sounds like the Catholic Church transferring people.

01:12:21.000 It doesn't sound any different.

01:12:22.000 So this is someone, so to me, that was just like a garbage ass.

01:12:26.000 If this guy's dangerous, go to the fucking cops.

01:12:29.000 So then I'm getting all these people come to me about like, don't you dare tell a victim to go.

01:12:35.000 I don't know you're a victim yet, though.

01:12:37.000 That's the thing.

01:12:37.000 Like when a victim says they're a victim, if you don't believe them, you're calling them a liar.

01:12:41.000 We have to make sure you are a victim before we say one way or the other.

01:12:44.000 So we're getting ahead of ourselves.

01:12:46.000 But this is just basic due process shit.

01:12:48.000 I guess the argument is because historically, this is like the argument coming against me from Feminist Lane.

01:12:54.000 Historically, women are not believed, which, by the way, by who? 0.97

01:12:59.000 Other women? 1.00

01:13:00.000 Because what my experience is, is any woman close to me that says she got raped, I probably believe her. 1.00

01:13:05.000 And every man I know.

01:13:06.000 In fact, I know women that get dudes into fights over shit like that, especially if you're in like white trash town where I grew up around. 1.00

01:13:12.000 Like, women are the ones that don't believe other women. 1.00

01:13:15.000 Men are the only people stupid enough to believe women most of the time. 0.99

01:13:18.000 Okay, so that's already a bullshit thing that women aren't believed. 1.00

01:13:22.000 There's lynching.

01:13:23.000 Rosewood, remember that shit?

01:13:24.000 That was because a white woman was just believed, and then there's a bunch of lynchings of black people. 0.99

01:13:29.000 Well, I think there's got to be instances.

01:13:31.000 We should be very measured about this because there's got to be instances in which women weren't believed.

01:13:35.000 Of course, but it doesn't matter.

01:13:37.000 It has nothing to do with the idea.

01:13:38.000 The idea is that you can't believe them every time.

01:13:40.000 Well, the larger point is that.

01:13:41.000 You have to look at it as an individual case.

01:13:44.000 Every case is individual, and you look at it because that's fair.

01:13:48.000 It doesn't matter.

01:13:49.000 Let's say no woman in history has ever lied about rape once.

01:13:53.000 Well, you still have to have due prophecy in case it happens once.

01:13:56.000 I'm not getting sacrificed to the state for the good of the fucking, you know what I mean?

01:14:00.000 If that shit happens in me.

01:14:01.000 And it does happen.

01:14:03.000 It's easier than you think.

01:14:04.000 It happens when you have something to lose like you're famous or in custody cases.

01:14:09.000 Rape case.

01:14:10.000 Yeah, and how many news stories of this going uncritically believed?

01:14:14.000 When, by the way, was someone not believed in the media?

01:14:17.000 And it turned out, I see a lot of people getting believed who lied.

01:14:20.000 None of it matters, though, because, like I said, that has no bearing on my individual anything.

01:14:25.000 Like, if I'm a victim.

01:14:26.000 We've clear double standards as of like when we'll just believe you and when will be super scammed.

01:14:32.000 You know, Barry, Barry Crimmons, like, because he, you know, if you haven't seen that documentary, anybody listening, Call Me Lucky is really great.

01:14:39.000 So I, because he, because that guy's kind of heroic, what he did with AOL.

01:14:43.000 He basically, he was raped when he was four, which, I mean, that's crazy what that would do to somebody.

01:14:49.000 And he, I think he talked about it on stage first or something.

01:14:52.000 And he ended up, when the internet was first becoming a nationwide thing, he was, there was child pornography everywhere.

01:15:00.000 Like pedophiles would buy AOL by the hour if you were rich, and you could just freely trade child pornography.

01:15:06.000 So he had to testify before Congress, the Senate, and AOL had a lawyer there because they didn't want to change their policy, which was three strikes and you're out for child pornography.

01:15:16.000 That's in the beginning.

01:15:16.000 They actually, with a straight face, like we have a firm three strikes and you're out policy.

01:15:20.000 Isn't that crazy that that was only like 1995 or 96 or something like that, wasn't it?

01:15:24.000 Dude, it's one of the best parts of the documentary because Barry's like, well, he told me is like the guy says three strikes you're out and goes, yeah, listen, I love baseball too, but I love baseball more than anybody.

01:15:34.000 But the senators and congressmen were tripping over themselves in a manly display of being ignorant of technology or something.

01:15:42.000 Barry really is like a quotable dude, like the shit says, but they go, well, I don't know what all this internet is.

01:15:48.000 I just know that pornography is bad.

01:15:50.000 Like some of them didn't know where the fuck they were.

01:15:52.000 Robert Byrd is just like with the scourge of pornography.

01:15:55.000 We're here for the scourge of pornography.

01:15:58.000 And at one point in the doc, he was talking about how it was almost like the other lawyer against him and it was who had better stage presence.

01:16:04.000 That's hilarious.

01:16:05.000 Yeah, where he was just clearly a better speaker.

01:16:07.000 Like this really expensive lawyer was just like a shitty opener.

01:16:11.000 And Barry's just such a happy former and Barry got to talk.

01:16:16.000 Yeah, and it was just a lot of fun.

01:16:17.000 He just testified.

01:16:18.000 You know, he went over his time or he went over his time.

01:16:20.000 Barry did.

01:16:22.000 So they had to change.

01:16:23.000 But anyway, I wrote to him after that.

01:16:25.000 I saw the documentary.

01:16:26.000 I was like, wow, that guy is fucking.

01:16:27.000 Maybe he cry, man.

01:16:28.000 I was like crying from that documentary.

01:16:30.000 Well, anyway, so when the shit like all that shit came down on me, people were going to Barry to get him to denounce me.

01:16:39.000 Like I hardly knew him.

01:16:40.000 So he called me up and you have to realize a lot of this shit because he did real work helping people who rape victims, kids who were abilitable.

01:16:49.000 Like Batman shit, okay?

01:16:51.000 And basically, he fucking, this shit's turf.

01:16:55.000 If you're a feminist or whatever political thing, he goes, you understand this is turf to them. 1.00

01:16:59.000 They don't give a shit about an actual victim.

01:17:01.000 So, like, it's, you know, you'll try to do something good or help someone.

01:17:05.000 And if you go to one of these groups, they grab it and they use it as their little symbol or whatever.

01:17:09.000 It's never about an individual person.

01:17:11.000 I talked to this woman at this woman when the height of things coming down to me for saying go to the cops and not Facebook.

01:17:17.000 And all these people are like, no, like the system has failed.

01:17:19.000 Well, I don't know that.

01:17:21.000 You didn't go to the system.

01:17:22.000 So how do you know?

01:17:23.000 also you're a white woman I think it'll She wanted to get in touch with me. 1.00

01:17:31.000 Some other creep inserted herself, like some blogger chick who initially, basically they baited me with these nonsense arguments. 0.98

01:17:37.000 That's what I'm saying to watch on there because nobody's talking to you on there, like having a chat, or that's what I learned.

01:17:43.000 They're baiting you to get you to say something that they can say, I took down such and so.

01:17:49.000 And there's no, I'm from this dumb cult, so I'm sincerely interested in being a chatty Kathy.

01:17:55.000 Me too.

01:17:55.000 Like a little cunt.

01:17:56.000 And people are not sincere.

01:17:58.000 They want to make a name for themselves, Baiting you into doing something to get you in trouble.

01:18:02.000 And they will fucking fuck with you with shit you can't believe you'd be in trouble for saying, such as go to the police and not fucking Facebook if you're raped.

01:18:10.000 So this woman called me in the thick of it. 1.00

01:18:12.000 I don't know her name still, okay?

01:18:13.000 Because she didn't really know anything about me.

01:18:15.000 They're telling her I'm a rape apologist, which thank you for putting that next to my name online for all time.

01:18:20.000 I have now crazies just come pop up around.

01:18:23.000 It's just to put rape by your name. 0.99

01:18:24.000 It will explain what happened at the improv the other night.

01:18:27.000 Oh, this was a few months ago.

01:18:28.000 I need to see what I'm saying.

01:18:28.000 I didn't know about it.

01:18:29.000 Someone after this.

01:18:30.000 Some woman I've never met in my life.

01:18:32.000 Did they want to choose you right after it happened?

01:18:34.000 I couldn't believe it.

01:18:34.000 I think I texted you.

01:18:36.000 My manager's assistant texts me a picture of somebody with giant glasses.

01:18:39.000 I feel like you told me in person.

01:18:41.000 I might have, but she goes, do you know this person?

01:18:43.000 I thought it was like someone from Tim and Eric.

01:18:45.000 Like, she was asking me about a cat.

01:18:46.000 I don't know what.

01:18:47.000 I go, no, why?

01:18:48.000 I go, Tim and Eric personality.

01:18:49.000 That kind of weird looks just like.

01:18:51.000 She went in the improv and said, Kurt Metzger raped me.

01:18:54.000 I'm here to confront him.

01:18:56.000 And yeah, they said she was visibly not right.

01:18:59.000 Like it wasn't like...

01:19:02.000 It's brutal.

01:19:03.000 But that's because they make these little shitty names like that.

01:19:07.000 What the fuck is that?

01:19:08.000 There's no such thing as that.

01:19:09.000 Okay?

01:19:10.000 No one's pro fucking rape. 0.96

01:19:12.000 Can you imagine if there's someone out there going, what's a little rape? 0.96

01:19:15.000 Yeah, no, this is not.

01:19:16.000 I've never met that guy.

01:19:19.000 Could you imagine that there's a person out there that's doing that?

01:19:22.000 That's going, what?

01:19:22.000 It's rape.

01:19:26.000 Yeah, same thing.

01:19:27.000 Yeah, if you don't accept every tenant of fucking white girl Taliban feminism, then you love rape. 1.00

01:19:33.000 That's the fucking argument.

01:19:35.000 It's like arguing with a girlfriend that you should have dumped three years ago.

01:19:38.000 It's a bad relationship, except you're not dating.

01:19:40.000 Why is it so hostile?

01:19:42.000 Because they're going, we don't even need...

01:19:47.000 You know what I think?

01:19:49.000 I think part of it is social media.

01:19:52.000 Of course it is.

01:19:52.000 Because you're not really communicating with me.

01:19:54.000 I think all of it is social media.

01:19:56.000 So all these attacks and shit are anti-social.

01:19:56.000 Yeah.

01:19:59.000 They're like weird.

01:20:01.000 They're not the way people would talk.

01:20:03.000 Well, it's tricking these girls into thinking they're going to have their little angry black guy moment. 1.00

01:20:07.000 But here's the thing.

01:20:08.000 You're not like black people. 1.00

01:20:10.000 You're not like a suppressed, marginalized minority.

01:20:13.000 I don't know where they're getting that from.

01:20:14.000 You are absolutely not an identity of women together. 1.00

01:20:17.000 And here's how I know.

01:20:18.000 They proved it at the women's march when they kicked the pro-life women out. 1.00

01:20:22.000 See, black people have to take all their garbage black people they have to take in their movement. 1.00

01:20:26.000 Because they still don't, though.

01:20:27.000 But black people have to. 1.00

01:20:28.000 They're forced to bargain like a minority. 0.96

01:20:31.000 Women are half the population.

01:20:31.000 I get that.

01:20:33.000 And at that fucking women's march, they kick out the pro-life women. 1.00

01:20:37.000 That's a luxury you have when you're not an oppressed minority. 0.93

01:20:40.000 That's when you have it pretty good.

01:20:41.000 We don't know what minority.

01:20:43.000 We don't know what?

01:20:43.000 Like, what does minority mean?

01:20:44.000 Like, being 6'7, I'm one in 10,000.

01:20:48.000 You know what I mean?

01:20:49.000 You know how weird is that?

01:20:50.000 Asians, that story, though, that's crazy that they kick out women. 1.00

01:20:52.000 You didn't know that?

01:20:53.000 No, I did not.

01:20:54.000 Just see if you can find that, Jamie.

01:20:55.000 Yeah, they go get out.

01:20:56.000 I want to see some footage.

01:20:57.000 I mean, I would be surprised if they were like kicking out.

01:20:59.000 They're like China women. 1.00

01:21:00.000 Yeah, like, you're not an oppressed minority if you can afford to kick out the pro-life women. 1.00

01:21:04.000 It's a crazy march.

01:21:06.000 It's a crazy time, too.

01:21:07.000 I mean, unobjectively, with no political leanings, left or right.

01:21:11.000 It's crazy when they're kicking out the people that are saying, don't kill the babies.

01:21:15.000 It's true.

01:21:15.000 I know.

01:21:16.000 I mean, let's just look at what it is.

01:21:18.000 I mean, I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, but what is a board?

01:21:21.000 You are aborting something that will eventually be a baby.

01:21:23.000 These are people that fundamentally refuse to acknowledge.

01:21:26.000 It's like watching people that should get divorced argue.

01:21:29.000 Like, the argument, I've tried to argue this patiently, because my mother doesn't hate women. 1.00

01:21:33.000 She's a Christian lady that thinks it's murder. 1.00

01:21:35.000 I think, hey, maybe you're killing a baby.

01:21:37.000 I don't give a fuck.

01:21:38.000 It's not my baby.

01:21:39.000 Go do what you want.

01:21:41.000 The anti-the pro-choice area.

01:21:43.000 Super people.

01:21:44.000 I don't care.

01:21:45.000 I don't give a fuck.

01:21:46.000 Like, listen, if you're the kind of person that can do it, then maybe you should do it.

01:21:50.000 You know?

01:21:51.000 Like, I don't give a shit.

01:21:52.000 It's not a fucking That's a good concern.

01:22:00.000 But, you know, conversely, also, if you have your kid, I also don't give a fuck about your kid.

01:22:03.000 I don't have kids.

01:22:04.000 I just don't.

01:22:05.000 I don't want anything bad to happen to you, but I'm just saying I'm not like...

01:22:11.000 You're so jacked up.

01:22:12.000 Why is the Women's March excluding pro-life women? 1.00

01:22:15.000 Well, this is the week.

01:22:16.000 Now, wait, are they again?

01:22:17.000 You should find someone that's saying that they're talking about it, but the things we're killing.

01:22:20.000 Listen, the bottom line is they go, and I've talked a million times to people that talk about it.

01:22:24.000 They go, it's either someone, they're always emotional, the person you're talking to.

01:22:28.000 And it's, A, they want to control my body as a woman.

01:22:31.000 That's why they're anti-abortion.

01:22:33.000 Like, no, they think it's baby murder.

01:22:34.000 No, they want to control my.

01:22:35.000 Then you talk to the other people, like, they want to have an immoral lifestyle and blah.

01:22:38.000 Like, no, that's not really.

01:22:39.000 It's a little gets broken down into that one sentence, a woman's right to choose. 1.00

01:22:43.000 Like, you don't even say to choose what?

01:22:43.000 Right.

01:22:45.000 Like, keep going.

01:22:46.000 Like, they cut it off because it sounds uncomfortable.

01:22:49.000 It's a woman's right to choose to abort a baby. 1.00

01:22:54.000 Right.

01:22:54.000 And I think it is.

01:22:55.000 That's not my right.

01:22:56.000 That's for me.

01:22:57.000 If I got pregnant, I would decide if I'm fucking avid and I couldn't care that I'm like, no, I'm going to decide.

01:23:01.000 Yeah, it's your decision.

01:23:02.000 I can only put myself in someone's shoes if that's what I'd want, so that's why I'm forced.

01:23:07.000 But Roe v. 0.55

01:23:08.000 Wade is a very excellent compromise, by the way.

01:23:11.000 Late-term abortion.

01:23:12.000 See, the late-term abortion is fucking gross.

01:23:14.000 And I understand if it's some miserable fucking defect, fine.

01:23:19.000 But if you look at the numbers, and it's very hard to get accurate abortion numbers because it's so politicized, the late-term abortions are not, as I would have thought, because of deformities.

01:23:27.000 It's a lot of times they either didn't know they were pregnant or just hit, like, it's kind of shitty.

01:23:32.000 Bro, it's that wrong, man.

01:23:36.000 But like I said, if you as a mother could do that that late, maybe you shouldn't raise a kid, you know?

01:23:42.000 But early on, I don't think you're murdering anything.

01:23:45.000 Like, if you do it early, I think you, you know.

01:23:47.000 It is a slippery conversation, though.

01:23:49.000 And this is what people who are ideologically attached to that left-wing dogma, they're not willing to have this conversation.

01:23:58.000 So if you have these pro-life women, they don't want to have a dialogue. 1.00

01:24:02.000 Like, their mind is completely made up.

01:24:04.000 Well, they better, listen, here's my other thing is, just be consistent.

01:24:06.000 If you're pro-life, because the Catholic Church is at least consistently pro-life, they're anti-death penalty.

01:24:11.000 Okay, they're pro-life.

01:24:12.000 They were against the Iraq war.

01:24:14.000 Like, okay, go down the line.

01:24:15.000 They're against birth control.

01:24:16.000 Yeah, because you're supposed to bring more life in.

01:24:18.000 So at least your teaching is consistent.

01:24:21.000 I can't stand these people that are like, no, if you want to have your right-wing, no social welfare state, do you're going to have to fucking allow abortion?

01:24:29.000 Because you're going to have To help take care of these fucking kids. 1.00

01:24:31.000 Are you willing to do that?

01:24:32.000 Some of them are, but a lot of them are not.

01:24:34.000 And by the way, if we went and blew up Iraq, there's Christians that want to do this. 1.00

01:24:38.000 There's Chaldean Christians there, okay? 0.75

01:24:39.000 They're like the original fucking Christians. 1.00

01:24:42.000 They have babies that they're collateral damage, you call them, and that's fine. 0.99

01:24:46.000 It happens.

01:24:47.000 But, okay, what's the difference between that and some woman in New York, the collateral damage of on the way to her career, she doesn't want to have a baby? 1.00

01:24:54.000 If you accept that, us dropping bombs on somebody's fucking pregnant wife and killing their unborn baby because it's convenient for us, then shut the fuck up about someone getting an abortion here because you're a hypocrite.

01:25:03.000 Be pro-life down the line.

01:25:05.000 But that's a very good rant and true.

01:25:07.000 Yeah, I can't go on Facebook anymore.

01:25:09.000 I'm getting trouble.

01:25:10.000 But it's a very good rant.

01:25:11.000 I mean, what you're saying is right.

01:25:13.000 The people are very convenient.

01:25:15.000 It's very inconsistent.

01:25:17.000 I think you're absolutely right.

01:25:18.000 I'm bitter for my religion because I'm like the sucker that would believe it, and then it would dawn on me later on.

01:25:23.000 Oh, yeah, we don't actually do that.

01:25:24.000 We're just, you know, chip on your shoulder because of that.

01:25:28.000 And you and I have had this conversation a bunch of times because you'll say, I know what these people are trying to do with their words.

01:25:33.000 I remember this shit from when I was Jehovah's Witnesses.

01:25:36.000 Scientists' words.

01:25:37.000 It's the same thing.

01:25:37.000 I'm a suppressive person now.

01:25:39.000 Right.

01:25:39.000 Or an apostate.

01:25:40.000 Jehovah's Witnesses, I was an apostate.

01:25:41.000 I'm always an apostate because a group thing.

01:25:43.000 This should be an ally special title.

01:25:45.000 Well, because, dude, I get.

01:25:46.000 That's a good title for a special.

01:25:48.000 Ooh, I like it, dude.

01:25:48.000 Apostate?

01:25:50.000 The 12 apostates.

01:25:52.000 I get fucking really upset by that group, like, don't stumble your brother.

01:25:57.000 Once the truth is just telling the truth, it's not in the interest of the group to tell the truth, that's really upsetting.

01:26:04.000 It just really gets under my fucking skin.

01:26:06.000 It's like what we're talking about.

01:26:06.000 Well, it should.

01:26:08.000 It brings back the same thing with this Jordan Peterson thing.

01:26:10.000 When they're calling him a Nazi and they're calling him a transformer.

01:26:12.000 Who is Jordan Peterson by the way?

01:26:14.000 He's a professor at the University of Toronto.

01:26:15.000 It's become very famous for battling against social justice warrior ideology online.

01:26:21.000 Specifically, them imposing in one of their bills in Canada, you have to use someone's specified gender pronouns.

01:26:29.000 And if you don't do it, it could be thought of as like a human rights violation.

01:26:35.000 Well, they have those human rights courts.

01:26:37.000 Yes, the human rights councils up there.

01:26:39.000 Oh, council.

01:26:40.000 Council, right?

01:26:40.000 It's a very different thing.

01:26:41.000 They don't have freedom of speech.

01:26:43.000 So woman who goes, free speech is kind of an American thing. 0.76

01:26:46.000 We don't really know what it is.

01:26:47.000 But we talked about it.

01:26:48.000 It is.

01:26:49.000 What if your pronoun's like faggot? 1.00

01:26:52.000 Like, do you have to say that?

01:26:54.000 Because that would also be hate speech.

01:26:56.000 It's like this weird.

01:26:56.000 So don't call me my name.

01:26:57.000 But you mean from that word, so it can't be a pronoun.

01:27:01.000 But what if that's your identity?

01:27:02.000 There's some control over what the pronouns would be.

01:27:05.000 Like, you could probably say you're a stormtrooper, right?

01:27:08.000 You could probably get crazy, but you probably can't say you're a faggot. 0.95

01:27:12.000 But what if that's your identity?

01:27:13.000 Like, who's to say what your identity is?

01:27:15.000 Well, your identity cannot be an offensive word because your identity is lashing out and hurting other people.

01:27:20.000 What if you identify as white cis male?

01:27:23.000 That's it.

01:27:24.000 I'm a white cis chicken.

01:27:25.000 By the way, I got no problem.

01:27:26.000 I'll call you whatever the fuck you want.

01:27:28.000 I got no issue with that.

01:27:28.000 It's no issue.

01:27:29.000 I'll call you, but it's about being forced, though.

01:27:30.000 No, but it's about being forced.

01:27:32.000 And he was saying he was battling against it very early on.

01:27:37.000 And almost everything he said would happen is happening now in terms of this overreaction culture.

01:27:43.000 Well, how come, by the way, how come that's, remember Jamie Kilstein had, I kept asking him about it, that white boy blues song he did on MSN?

01:27:51.000 And he goes, I don't know what cis means.

01:27:53.000 And I go, Jamie, I know you got to put everything on the white males now. 0.70

01:27:56.000 That's like the religion.

01:27:57.000 But do you honestly believe anyone outside of a young white male knows what the fuck cis means?

01:28:02.000 Like when I used to live in Washington Heights in New York, I want you to go out and talk to any Dominicans on the corner and go, do you know you're a cis male, right?

01:28:08.000 And ask them if they know what the fuck that means.

01:28:09.000 They'll stab you.

01:28:10.000 You have to be a white. 1.00

01:28:11.000 It's a super recent thing.

01:28:12.000 Yeah, like you're supposed to adopt it.

01:28:15.000 Like, okay, I'll tell you what you want, but why do you get to pick my title?

01:28:18.000 And it's also nonsense words.

01:28:20.000 It's a Marxist, that's what Marxism does.

01:28:22.000 You create power, and then you have power words.

01:28:24.000 It's compliance.

01:28:25.000 And if you agree to nonsense, that's one step closer to dominance.

01:28:28.000 That's always religion. 0.96

01:28:30.000 Everyone knows, yeah.

01:28:32.000 But it is really like a religion.

01:28:33.000 It's a consensus-based religion, which is really...

01:28:39.000 Why is it that people fall into that so easy?

01:28:41.000 Because they hate themselves.

01:28:42.000 It's a compliment.

01:28:44.000 Barry told me about that.

01:28:44.000 I didn't understand the level.

01:28:46.000 People fucking hate themselves.

01:28:48.000 That's why they're online creating these new identities and shit.

01:28:51.000 Okay.

01:28:52.000 And if you don't hate yourself, They all did different things to try to ruin your life.

01:29:03.000 Like there'd be people posing, the alt-right guys like to be a fake you and then go to people that you kind of know.

01:29:09.000 Like John Daly, who I'm like, I know him, but I don't know him where it's like, and then as you say some fucked up shit, and then they think, like, that's Daley.

01:29:17.000 John Daly, the golf guy?

01:29:18.000 No, the dude from Croll's show.

01:29:19.000 He's a pretty funny dude, actually.

01:29:20.000 He's on the, he always is in shit.

01:29:23.000 John Delaney?

01:29:24.000 Daly.

01:29:25.000 You've seen him in shit, trust me.

01:29:26.000 He's got like a square head.

01:29:27.000 Okay.

01:29:28.000 But he's funny, whatever.

01:29:30.000 But they would go at him, fake me.

01:29:32.000 Oh, when Pat and Oswald's wife died, somebody as me sends him a thing with his dead wife photoshopped in the Ghostbusters poster.

01:29:39.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:29:40.000 I'm like, can you do your shitty on, because they all, my whole thing was you don't know what's funny.

01:29:44.000 So don't, if I tell you, you know, it was that whole joke thief shit there.

01:29:48.000 I'm like, listen, I was there, and also I know comedy, and I know better than you jerk off at home.

01:29:53.000 So if I tell you, just think I know better.

01:29:56.000 I'll just put it that way.

01:29:57.000 Maybe that's arrogant, but I just been doing it for 20 years and you never had the balls to get on stage.

01:30:00.000 So I think I just know better.

01:30:01.000 They're outraged.

01:30:02.000 You're fighting with someone who's not even here.

01:30:04.000 No one even knows what you're fighting over right there.

01:30:06.000 You just started some joke thief fight.

01:30:09.000 No one has any idea what the fuck you're saying.

01:30:10.000 All right, guys, is when I defended Amy.

01:30:12.000 Right.

01:30:13.000 Amy, and I had people like lecture, and I'm like, don't listen, don't presume to tell me shit.

01:30:19.000 But they're outraged.

01:30:20.000 But the same as the social jihadis, they all think they can.

01:30:23.000 The same reason I became a comic.

01:30:24.000 I could do that.

01:30:26.000 But at least I did it.

01:30:27.000 If you get on stage and do it, I'll give it to you.

01:30:29.000 But these people think they can do your job.

01:30:30.000 But hold on a second.

01:30:31.000 In their defense, they're looking at a film that shows time after time bits.

01:30:36.000 That Gavin made to specifically fuck her because she said, I play a racist Republican. 0.96

01:30:41.000 What?

01:30:42.000 The little YouTube video where they took movies, fucking the show, which by the way, she doesn't write the show. 0.95

01:30:48.000 It was ridiculous.

01:30:49.000 And it was exactly what the fucking SJWs did to me, where they don't like your, they think you have an agenda they got to destroy.

01:30:56.000 So they create this fucking, you know, like a smear job.

01:31:00.000 But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.

01:31:02.000 Wait a minute.

01:31:03.000 There were bits that were exactly the same as the best.

01:31:05.000 You mean very mediocre bits that anyone would have thought of?

01:31:08.000 Dude, relax.

01:31:10.000 Relax.

01:31:10.000 I drank two caveman nitros and you're talking to me this way.

01:31:14.000 I do.

01:31:14.000 I knew this.

01:31:15.000 But you're drinking.

01:31:16.000 I think I'm going to run through the wall and leave a curt-shaped imprint.

01:31:20.000 You're jacked.

01:31:21.000 Because you know, It's Kool Aid.

01:31:22.000 You got to get some Kool Aid.

01:31:23.000 Caveman Nitro.

01:31:24.000 But you're arguing against someone who's not even here.

01:31:27.000 Well, I was trying to bring up why they were going at me.

01:31:29.000 That's why.

01:31:29.000 But the problem with what you're saying is they have evidence.

01:31:33.000 They're looking at one bit, and it's exactly the same as the point.

01:31:36.000 If I look at the evidence and I come to a different conclusion, let's go with my conclusion because I was there.

01:31:41.000 What about due process?

01:31:42.000 And the guys who established it.

01:31:45.000 That's not enough.

01:31:46.000 That's not enough.

01:31:46.000 That's not enough to convince someone.

01:31:48.000 Oh, just trust me.

01:31:49.000 Do you think we just have to do that?

01:31:50.000 But isn't that like some authoritative sheriff type shit?

01:31:53.000 Just trust me.

01:31:54.000 Hey, I'm not going to them to be the sheriff.

01:31:56.000 Let's go ahead and get it.

01:31:58.000 I'm not going to them.

01:31:59.000 They're coming to me.

01:32:00.000 But you're saying.

01:32:01.000 I was going to say.

01:32:02.000 Just trust me.

01:32:03.000 I'm watching this video.

01:32:04.000 I'm watching these jokes.

01:32:06.000 They're being repeated.

01:32:07.000 You're saying just trust me.

01:32:08.000 What jokes are you talking?

01:32:09.000 I'm talking about sketches people claimed were taken, which is nonsense.

01:32:13.000 I was in the room.

01:32:14.000 I was the fucking cop of the room with that shit.

01:32:16.000 Okay, but that doesn't mean anything.

01:32:17.000 No one watched Mad TV in the room.

01:32:18.000 I'm sorry.

01:32:18.000 Stop.

01:32:19.000 That doesn't mean anything.

01:32:20.000 Because the bits still got on the air.

01:32:22.000 See what I'm saying?

01:32:22.000 Like, you might not.

01:32:23.000 But it didn't happen intentionally.

01:32:25.000 It doesn't matter.

01:32:25.000 That's what you have to say.

01:32:26.000 That's not what you said.

01:32:27.000 I did say that.

01:32:27.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:32:28.000 But that's not a joke fever.

01:32:30.000 But you can't say that these people don't have actual examples of the same bits over and over again.

01:32:37.000 If it's parallel thinking, that's fine.

01:32:39.000 But it has to be.

01:32:40.000 That's what I said.

01:32:41.000 But you didn't really.

01:32:42.000 See, the whole thing about this is the same thing.

01:32:44.000 Either now or at the time.

01:32:45.000 I'm very confused.

01:32:47.000 I'm very confused.

01:32:48.000 The whole thing from the top down.

01:32:50.000 Look, I don't give a shit about it, by the way.

01:32:52.000 But if they see the evidence, you have to be real clear.

01:32:57.000 I was non-confrontational when you're handling something like that.

01:33:01.000 Dude, I won't, first of all, number one, the larger issue is I never should be on social media talking to any of these fucks at all, explaining it.

01:33:07.000 I don't owe any of you, anybody listening, if you have a question or a judgment, I don't owe you an explanation for shit.

01:33:14.000 I understand.

01:33:14.000 I don't know where the fuck you got the idea that I do.

01:33:17.000 So I was wrong that I even fucking had an answer at all because you have people, hey, joke thief.

01:33:23.000 Really, that's the word about me that I'm a joke thief.

01:33:26.000 From some know-nothing, and they just want to see I'll talk back to them.

01:33:30.000 Most of these animals can't believe what you're speaking about.

01:33:32.000 They think that you did steal it.

01:33:33.000 And you've got to explain how this was parallel thinking.

01:33:36.000 There's going to be a bunch of people.

01:33:37.000 Many times I did.

01:33:38.000 I know, but a lot of people haven't heard it.

01:33:40.000 And you're blurting it out like that.

01:33:42.000 someone's arguing you in the room.

01:33:44.000 Oh, I'm just trying...

01:33:46.000 First of all, guys, here's one thing I want to make clear.

01:33:49.000 I am pro-rape. 0.89

01:33:50.000 Yeah, you're like a rape apologist.

01:33:52.000 I'm pro-rape.

01:33:53.000 I'm rape.

01:33:54.000 I'm only apologize for one thing, and that's rape.

01:33:57.000 Yeah.

01:33:57.000 No, dude.

01:33:58.000 I'm only bringing up why I was getting shit.

01:34:00.000 I was getting shit for defending Amy from these alt-right deals.

01:34:03.000 I understand.

01:34:03.000 Right.

01:34:04.000 But it's also because you're confronting them.

01:34:06.000 Like, you're confrontational.

01:34:08.000 Yeah, I like that.

01:34:08.000 So I was like Owen.

01:34:10.000 I like being online.

01:34:11.000 And also, it seemed like of no consequence to me.

01:34:15.000 I'm like, I got all this other shit going on.

01:34:17.000 I can, with one hand, sit here and answer your dumb shit.

01:34:19.000 I was like cocky.

01:34:20.000 I understand.

01:34:21.000 I understand.

01:34:22.000 But what I'm saying is from the perspective of someone who's a stand-up fan.

01:34:26.000 My hand is trembling from these nitros.

01:34:28.000 That's crazy.

01:34:29.000 It's got some serious shit in there.

01:34:30.000 What the fuck is in this?

01:34:31.000 270 milligrams of caffeine.

01:34:33.000 You probably had some coffee earlier, too.

01:34:35.000 Yes.

01:34:36.000 See, you do Twitter like me where you think it's almost like the candy crush of words.

01:34:40.000 And then before you know it, I just pissed off Uber or some shit.

01:34:43.000 Listen, I'm speaking as a nitro caveman to you right now.

01:34:46.000 You're ready to start a small.

01:34:47.000 What I'm saying, though, is like as a person who's a fan of comedy, like, and I am a fan of comedy, when I see, like, if I was never a stand-up and I saw this all going down and I was a Kurt Metzger fan, I would want Kurt Metzger to explain to me what happened.

01:35:05.000 I would want your specific words on this because you were a writer over there.

01:35:10.000 So like as a fan, I would want to know, I think Kurt Metzger is a hilarious, creative comedian.

01:35:15.000 I want to know how this happened.

01:35:17.000 Hey, nobody said my sketches were stolen.

01:35:19.000 For you to say it defensively, to brush it off and say that you know better than you.

01:35:24.000 Oh, you know what?

01:35:25.000 I'll tell you why, because the way someone would come at me would be immediately like, why are you speaking to me this way?

01:35:31.000 So you're already defensive.

01:35:33.000 You're already defensive.

01:35:35.000 As soon as I have somebody coming at me a certain way, like just your natural mode.

01:35:38.000 Of course.

01:35:38.000 Right, yeah.

01:35:40.000 Naturally.

01:35:40.000 Dude, I found out that that's one reason why people think I'm a psycho is because I'll react to that and no one else sees that guy.

01:35:45.000 Yeah, they don't, that's pretty much it.

01:35:46.000 But at least you're a psycho from reading your Twitter.

01:35:49.000 All they'd have to do is read your tweets.

01:35:51.000 But wait, hold on.

01:35:53.000 Because I got way off track of what I was trying to get to.

01:35:54.000 But just what you said.

01:35:56.000 That girl, so what I'm saying, hey, go, maybe go to the cops and don't on Facebook announce a rape verdict. 0.99

01:36:03.000 I'm not going to even say her name because these people benefit every time I fucking mention them.

01:36:06.000 This girl writes this idiotic blog at me. 1.00

01:36:08.000 We have a back and forth.

01:36:09.000 I mock the stupid language of her stupid.

01:36:12.000 She said, asking for any details of what happened is like re-raping the victim.

01:36:17.000 Just believe.

01:36:18.000 So I go, that's like re-raping.

01:36:18.000 And I go.

01:36:19.000 I said the word rape hole in a post, mocking her language. 1.00

01:36:23.000 Okay.

01:36:24.000 She deletes her comments, takes what I wrote, and goes to these chicks that say they're like, look what he said about you. 1.00

01:36:30.000 So yeah.

01:36:32.000 Nobody cares what anyone's saying to you.

01:36:35.000 You're the person that they've heard of.

01:36:37.000 So they only care what you say.

01:36:38.000 And there's no context.

01:36:39.000 They just go, he said raphole.

01:36:41.000 Go ask somebody what I did that's wrong.

01:36:44.000 They won't be able to tell you.

01:36:45.000 And they'll go, he said something raphole.

01:36:47.000 That's all they have.

01:36:48.000 Is that proven?

01:36:49.000 Do you have screenshots of the original tweets?

01:36:54.000 No, because then people complained.

01:36:57.000 Not only could I not, because I don't delete anything that I put up.

01:37:00.000 Right.

01:37:01.000 Facebook has removed all of that.

01:37:02.000 Facebook's removed all that because the people, I am offended, so I can't even go back and show any of it.

01:37:07.000 Facebook took it down.

01:37:08.000 Oh, wow.

01:37:09.000 But even if she didn't take fucking shit off, it doesn't matter.

01:37:12.000 Like, nobody's reading her shit.

01:37:13.000 They don't give a fuck what she's saying.

01:37:15.000 They're like, oh, the writer for Andy Schumer show is saying it.

01:37:18.000 And that's what all these people can't believe.

01:37:20.000 It's so easy to access you and fucking have you get a reaction to them.

01:37:25.000 And they're amazed.

01:37:26.000 They can't believe it.

01:37:27.000 They're like, I can talk to the fucking man in the TV.

01:37:30.000 And they've built an industry around it.

01:37:32.000 So if you speak to them at all, you're a sucker, dude.

01:37:35.000 If you have any emotion about this, I mean, you're a fucking sucker.

01:37:38.000 Just don't get suckered.

01:37:39.000 That's all I'm saying.

01:37:40.000 Same thing happened to me with the Black Panther stuff, because I was just doing the reverse of any marketing I've ever seen.

01:37:44.000 I've seen the Black Panther.

01:37:45.000 Well, Black Panther was a warful Black Panther.

01:37:47.000 Yeah, It was like, finally, a movie with black people for black people.

01:37:50.000 So I was just like, there's no white people in it, pass. 0.96

01:37:53.000 Who do I relate to?

01:37:54.000 Who said that, really?

01:37:55.000 Because I know what you're talking about.

01:37:56.000 Dude, it was all over.

01:37:57.000 That was like the whole thing.

01:37:58.000 And then a couple people, like Jeffrey Wright, the actor, and Don Cheadle, they started reacting like I was serious.

01:38:04.000 And I started being like, this is satire, man.

01:38:07.000 I'm just doing black mirrors.

01:38:08.000 Did you feel guilt?

01:38:09.000 Did you feel like a little cool that you got Don Cheadle?

01:38:11.000 Jeffrey?

01:38:12.000 Did he say something?

01:38:13.000 What did he say to you?

01:38:14.000 He was like, how do you think it feels to be?

01:38:16.000 How do you think it feels?

01:38:16.000 I'm like, dude.

01:38:17.000 What?

01:38:17.000 Finish the sentence.

01:38:18.000 Oh, sorry, man.

01:38:18.000 I'm a little jacked up, too.

01:38:19.000 His energy got me really going.

01:38:21.000 Oh, you drank two of these?

01:38:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:38:22.000 What a mistake.

01:38:24.000 They're like, how would you feel watching, you know, growing up as a black man and watching only white movies?

01:38:28.000 And I was like, dude, I had Michael Jordan on my wall.

01:38:32.000 I love Carl Malone.

01:38:33.000 You like kung fu movies, by the way?

01:38:34.000 He's still got a point.

01:38:35.000 He's still got a point.

01:38:36.000 I mean, the problem is that he didn't take it as satire.

01:38:40.000 It's a funny thing.

01:38:40.000 Right.

01:38:41.000 I'm not mad at him, by the way.

01:38:42.000 The problem is, but he's right too.

01:38:44.000 But the problem is you weren't being serious.

01:38:48.000 You were cracking a joke about how people are reacting to this movie, saying they love it because they're black and it's black.

01:38:54.000 Dude, I'm at the worst level of being known where I have reach, but I'm not famous enough where people are like, he's a comedian.

01:39:01.000 No, you brought that up when I got fucked.

01:39:03.000 It's like not famous enough to be like fine.

01:39:06.000 Right.

01:39:06.000 But famous enough to get fucked over.

01:39:08.000 Like, I'm big enough where someone wants to hunt me, but like, no one's like, oh, Owen Benjamin, the comedian.

01:39:08.000 Right.

01:39:13.000 Some of them are like, oh, he must work for a college HR department.

01:39:16.000 By the way, did you see The Black Panther?

01:39:18.000 No.

01:39:19.000 I haven't seen it yet.

01:39:20.000 You know, it's fine.

01:39:21.000 You know what I thought?

01:39:21.000 It's pretty fucking good, though.

01:39:22.000 What?

01:39:23.000 Annihilation?

01:39:24.000 I want to see that, yeah.

01:39:25.000 Dude, that's a trippy-ass movie.

01:39:26.000 Well, don't spoil it, but.

01:39:27.000 Yes, I won't, but it's from that ex-Machina guy, the guy who made ex-Claws.

01:39:30.000 I didn't see it.

01:39:30.000 I watched that.

01:39:31.000 But by the way, if this was such a racially uplifting movie, first of all, his first name wouldn't be Black, The Black Panther.

01:39:38.000 That wouldn't be.

01:39:38.000 But it's been the Black Panther forever.

01:39:40.000 Yes, it's like a fucking exploitation.

01:39:42.000 It's like saying Shaft is like Selma.

01:39:45.000 When do you think they came up with the Black Panther?

01:39:48.000 60s.

01:39:48.000 In the 60s.

01:39:49.000 In the 60s, 30s.

01:39:50.000 By the way, Panthers are black already.

01:39:52.000 You don't need to specify that unless you're letting me know the guy under the suit is black.

01:39:56.000 Well, you know what it actually is?

01:39:57.000 It's a jaguar.

01:39:58.000 It's a jaguar that has spots everywhere instead of just some spots.

01:40:02.000 No, I did not know.

01:40:02.000 Some jaguars.

01:40:04.000 They're not really totally black.

01:40:06.000 Like a Black Panther's kind of, it's not like scientific nomenclature.

01:40:09.000 Like Obama.

01:40:11.000 Blah!

01:40:13.000 I thought it was a pushwall.

01:40:14.000 I know, they always talk about pushwalls.

01:40:15.000 You find black jaguars.

01:40:18.000 If you see the really black ones, you could still see some faint outlines of those jaguar little dots and circles.

01:40:25.000 It's kind of funny how David Attenborough does almost make it seem like Black Panthers are more hostile.

01:40:29.000 They're like, the Black Panther stalking his prey while the snow leopard is as elusive as he is graceful.

01:40:34.000 They're all jaguars.

01:40:35.000 They're all jaguars.

01:40:37.000 Yeah, I think the black ones probably evolved to be more successful hunting at night because you can't see a goddamn thing at night in the jungle.

01:40:46.000 You don't know what black is, I would imagine.

01:40:48.000 You've been in the jungle?

01:40:49.000 No, but I've been to the Pacific Northwest into those essentially rainforests up there.

01:40:56.000 There's some parts of the Pacific Northwest that are insane at night, too.

01:40:59.000 Like you can't believe how dark it gets because you don't see shit.

01:41:02.000 You just hear trees.

01:41:03.000 It's dark at noon.

01:41:05.000 When you go through the woods, it's dark.

01:41:07.000 Like you won't get a tan.

01:41:09.000 It could be fucking noon now.

01:41:10.000 It could be 85 degrees out and it's dark walking through those woods because this canopy of leaves and super dense tree growth.

01:41:18.000 Like it's dark as fuck.

01:41:19.000 And at night, you must just hear these crazy noises.

01:41:22.000 Oh, yeah, man.

01:41:23.000 Like, elks sound intense.

01:41:25.000 They're intense.

01:41:26.000 And you just hear the sound of like a dude waiting for me.

01:41:26.000 Yeah.

01:41:28.000 What's my point about it being dark there?

01:41:30.000 Port the Black Panther. 0.56

01:41:30.000 I know what I'm talking about. 0.56

01:41:32.000 So the ones most likely in the jungle, it's the same situation.

01:41:32.000 Black Panther.

01:41:36.000 And the ones that are the darkest are the less likely to be seen and more likely to be successful.

01:41:41.000 Because they're attack ambush predators.

01:41:44.000 They sneak up on things and jack them.

01:41:46.000 And that's what they do, to deer and fucking people. 0.97

01:41:48.000 Well, that spirit is what the king of Wakanda has come into him to become the Black Panther.

01:41:53.000 I thought it was technology.

01:41:54.000 That's actually pretty cool.

01:41:55.000 The suit is, I think, one of the coolest parts of the movie because it builds up force and hits you back.

01:42:00.000 It's pretty dope.

01:42:01.000 But then his other part of his power is they have this shit they make from flowers and he lays down and they I swear to God they give him a purple drink.

01:42:09.000 He drinks a purple drink.

01:42:11.000 And that's where he gets his other powers.

01:42:11.000 Oh Jesus Christ.

01:42:13.000 Oh Jesus Christ.

01:42:15.000 Is that from the comic book too, the purple drink?

01:42:17.000 I'm like, when they make this, are they even, It's written by Jewish guys. 0.94

01:42:27.000 As long as no whites were involved. 0.98

01:42:29.000 It was an exploitation comic.

01:42:31.000 It's two old Jewish guys wrote it.

01:42:32.000 Yeah, it's from the 70s.

01:42:33.000 Like, that's when it came out.

01:42:35.000 So to put it out, like, finally, you know, that's fine.

01:42:38.000 Let's get the origins of the Black Panther comic book.

01:42:40.000 By the way, Luke Cage, that was already out, and that was a fucking awesome.

01:42:44.000 I think that was a black Superman. 0.94

01:42:46.000 If they were like, what would it get a Superman?

01:42:48.000 Almost like the old joke, but it's fucking great.

01:42:51.000 I thought Luke Cage was great.

01:42:52.000 Luke Cage gets to fuck Jessica Jones.

01:42:54.000 Yeah.

01:42:55.000 Yeah.

01:42:55.000 A little interracial romance going on up in that Netflix.

01:42:58.000 He has to super fuck her because they're both super fucking each other. 1.00

01:43:01.000 They're both monsters.

01:43:03.000 She would grind your pelvis to dust. 1.00

01:43:04.000 He's fighting gentrification.

01:43:06.000 Well, she sees him beat the fuck out of some dudes in a bar and realizes that he's one of them and that she's been, she's a mutant and he's a mutant.

01:43:13.000 They get together and mutant sex and fucked up the bed. 0.98

01:43:16.000 Spoiler alert.

01:43:18.000 It's almost like when Coke had fucked the shit out of her. 0.79

01:43:21.000 Spoiler alert.

01:43:22.000 He can lay pipe the way he looks like.

01:43:24.000 He could lay pipe.

01:43:29.000 He looks like a guy who could lay pipe the way he lays pipe.

01:43:32.000 You look at him and you go, I bet that guy fucked up.

01:43:34.000 How many movies with sex scenes was there a rumor that they really were having sex on camera?

01:43:38.000 And Mickey Rourke was a big one in that movie Angel Heart.

01:43:40.000 And it's never been true one time that rumor.

01:43:42.000 Ever.

01:43:42.000 It's not true at all.

01:43:43.000 Angel Heart?

01:43:43.000 That's never true.

01:43:44.000 I think of Donald Sutherland in that Killer Midget movie. 0.79

01:43:47.000 They say Mickey Rourke really banged Kim Bessinger in nine and a half weeks.

01:43:51.000 But he did.

01:43:52.000 Did he?

01:43:52.000 I don't know.

01:43:53.000 Wasn't there?

01:43:54.000 I like to believe.

01:43:56.000 I mean, you're so anti-religion, you don't even want to believe rumors.

01:44:00.000 You don't believe rumors.

01:44:03.000 You don't want to believe rumors.

01:44:03.000 You don't even believe rumors.

01:44:05.000 I'm not buying it too.

01:44:06.000 I'm a trick one.

01:44:06.000 Bullshit.

01:44:09.000 Jehovah's Witness.

01:44:10.000 Let me tell you this, Todd.

01:44:11.000 It's like that.

01:44:12.000 I stepped out of crack.

01:44:13.000 My mom's back was fine.

01:44:15.000 I still don't even believe it.

01:44:16.000 That was my first, by the way, my first joke ever.

01:44:18.000 Yeah.

01:44:18.000 It was similar to that.

01:44:19.000 Really?

01:44:20.000 And then you stole it?

01:44:21.000 Does it for me?

01:44:21.000 No, I did it for black people.

01:44:24.000 When I was 11, this guy in my block named Uncle Charlie, they used to rape me every day.

01:44:28.000 And he would go, if you ever tell anybody what I did to you, I'm going to kill your parents.

01:44:32.000 And I told everybody.

01:44:33.000 Is this your first joke?

01:44:34.000 Yeah.

01:44:35.000 I told everybody, and he never killed my parents.

01:44:37.000 You know, I thought we had a deal.

01:44:40.000 That's hilarious.

01:44:41.000 I said, all black. 0.96

01:44:43.000 Now, can I tell you how much all black audiences do not enjoy that joke at all from a fucking weird-looking white guy? 0.53

01:44:52.000 They're not into laughing at that.

01:44:54.000 Namas.

01:44:54.000 They're different.

01:44:55.000 Yeah.

01:44:56.000 Yeah.

01:44:57.000 But I will say, best thing could that was started out in those rooms because there was a crowd.

01:45:01.000 It wasn't other comics that were waiting to get on.

01:45:03.000 It was a fucking audience.

01:45:05.000 And it kind of, you couldn't be precious.

01:45:05.000 Yep.

01:45:08.000 You had to fucking perform, you know?

01:45:09.000 Like, you couldn't be one of these like hang-in-the-back pockets.

01:45:12.000 Oh, dude, you can't draw back on the, you got to perform.

01:45:15.000 You got to perform.

01:45:16.000 And so, and you don't have to fucking talk black or that.

01:45:16.000 Yeah.

01:45:19.000 You just be very confident in your own whatever, and the crowd would go with it.

01:45:23.000 Yeah.

01:45:24.000 Just be funny.

01:45:25.000 Just be funny.

01:45:26.000 If you bring a notebook, they see it as like weakness.

01:45:28.000 They're like, fucking notebook.

01:45:29.000 I see it as weakness.

01:45:30.000 To do your home.

01:45:32.000 Yeah, but there's some rooms where they're like, oh, that means it's like brand new.

01:45:35.000 His writing.

01:45:36.000 It was lunar.

01:45:37.000 He's working on shit today.

01:45:38.000 What's the worst is when someone pretends they're reading their notes and they do the same bits over and over again.

01:45:44.000 Like you can't, you just pretended.

01:45:46.000 You just looked in that book and like what else?

01:45:50.000 What else?

01:45:51.000 This one, what else?

01:45:53.000 What else?

01:45:54.000 And it was good, what else?

01:45:55.000 Someone who does that.

01:45:56.000 I'm like, I could do your act.

01:45:58.000 Well, it's just like people in the audience are like, hey, don't do that.

01:46:01.000 You know Jay, right, Big Jay?

01:46:03.000 Sure.

01:46:03.000 Yeah.

01:46:04.000 We hear these people call them Bataya comics.

01:46:06.000 They're like, but I do this Bataya comedy. 0.96

01:46:10.000 That big pause where they're not really saying anything.

01:46:14.000 They just like spinning the wheels, trying to get some traction.

01:46:18.000 Yeah, there's some new thing that I think people have mistaken laughter for like support.

01:46:25.000 Did you say that to me?

01:46:26.000 They mistake it for applause?

01:46:27.000 They've confused laughter and applause between the same thing.

01:46:30.000 That's how you know it's an ideology versus laughter.

01:46:32.000 Like laughter is when someone relates, applause is when someone agrees.

01:46:35.000 Well, there's too many people that are trying for applause.

01:46:37.000 That's what my point is.

01:46:38.000 Like, you're supposed to...

01:46:39.000 This is only supposed to be funny.

01:46:40.000 Like, when you're just trying to, like, say a bunch of shit and memorize it and say it real fast, and then to get a big applause at the end, like, that's...

01:46:49.000 I was like, dude, I'm not trying to change policy.

01:46:52.000 I'm just trying to get a laugh.

01:46:53.000 When I was a kid, I remember Eddie Murphy.

01:46:55.000 Do you remember when Eddie Murphy was the biggest comedian in the world?

01:46:58.000 Yeah.

01:46:59.000 And it's funny when in the 80s, I remember watching Stand-Up.

01:47:01.000 It seemed more integrated or something.

01:47:04.000 In the 80s?

01:47:05.000 And I swear to God, when the evening at the improv and comic strip live were on TV, remember those being on like Friday night.

01:47:11.000 That's when I used to watch stand-up comedy when I was like 11 or 12.

01:47:14.000 Right.

01:47:14.000 And then the nine, like, I remember when Def Jam came out, and I remember it was like a lot, and also racially a lot of shit seemed more segregated.

01:47:21.000 And it was like, I think the beginning of just marketing to specific, you know what I mean?

01:47:25.000 Like, oh, here's an all-black show. 0.76

01:47:27.000 And they had jokes on Seinfeld about it, like that Seinfeld's market was being eaten away with Def Jam, his mother saying it to him.

01:47:34.000 And I didn't think of that, but that was the beginning.

01:47:36.000 So the internet now, it's like everybody can get just specifically, you know, I liked how it was like kind of grab bag when I'd watch stand-up.

01:47:43.000 It would be like you'd see like a ventriloquist.

01:47:46.000 You'd see like, you know, Eddie Murphy kind of person and like some fucking real dry person.

01:47:51.000 There'd be like Elliot.

01:47:52.000 That's a good point.

01:47:53.000 It was more mixed on its own.

01:47:55.000 And, you know, I'll tell you the solution.

01:47:58.000 I think we should do some of those like Rodney Dangerfield type specials.

01:48:02.000 Like how Rodney would do a special.

01:48:04.000 Shows I'm thinking of also.

01:48:05.000 But that's what we should do.

01:48:05.000 Yeah.

01:48:07.000 But I think because also a lot of us, you know, if you're going to put out a special, it takes you a couple fucking years or a year solid to have the material locked down and ready to rock and roll.

01:48:17.000 But if you're going to do 15 minutes.

01:48:19.000 I think year minimum, by the way.

01:48:21.000 Sometimes that's not enough.

01:48:21.000 I agree.

01:48:23.000 I agree.

01:48:23.000 I've been doing a year and a half in between specials, and I think that's the right amount of time.

01:48:27.000 Yeah.

01:48:28.000 Yeah.

01:48:29.000 I got a nice juicy now going on my specialty.

01:48:31.000 I just did two in six months.

01:48:32.000 Listen, free is not bad either because that shit gets hammered down like a samurai.

01:48:36.000 Well, I was going to do my hour with Louie on selling on his website, and then he got fucking shit.

01:48:40.000 What are you going to do?

01:48:42.000 What are you going to do?

01:48:43.000 My point is, like, if there's more of those 15-minute sets, like, you could come up with a 15-minute set in a couple of months.

01:48:49.000 Right.

01:48:49.000 You know, I mean, you really could.

01:48:50.000 And it would be locked in.

01:48:52.000 Right.

01:48:53.000 And so if you were doing something like that, you could do that, like, get a, prepare a set over like three or four months and have, hey, you know, we're going to be filming.

01:49:03.000 We'll film some of them here.

01:49:05.000 We'll film some of them like three months later.

01:49:07.000 So you'll know, you'll have it all locked in.

01:49:09.000 You'll know when to go.

01:49:10.000 You know, I do that with White Precious.

01:49:12.000 I couldn't, I didn't have a booking agent for the road.

01:49:14.000 Like I had switched managers and the stage is like, we can't take him until he fucking does the hour.

01:49:20.000 But I'm like, I need to work the hour out.

01:49:22.000 So I had to do it in 15-minute chunks around the city and just do a lot of city spots.

01:49:27.000 Which is, I'm happy with how it came out, but I mean, it was so fucking nerve-wracking because I'm like, I know I'm not preparing this properly.

01:49:27.000 Oh, wow.

01:49:34.000 Right, right, right.

01:49:34.000 Because I have to do these 15-minute chunks of the material.

01:49:37.000 Yeah, really, why didn't you schedule yourself on the road in like small classes?

01:49:41.000 I had been writing a lot, and I just like, like I said, switch managers and I didn't have an agent of book.

01:49:47.000 And I didn't know how easy it was to like book you.

01:49:49.000 You know, at this point, once I, all these people were like, you know, I banished to Kramer Island.

01:49:54.000 I couldn't get them to do shit for me.

01:49:56.000 I found out it's actually very easy to go book yourself.

01:49:59.000 Yeah.

01:49:59.000 People actually wanted to book me.

01:50:01.000 It turns out not everybody's in this dipshit cult the way it seems when you're like online a lot.

01:50:07.000 Well, I just think if you can clearly explain yourself and you can, like, see, I used to go.

01:50:15.000 I need a chance.

01:50:16.000 Yeah, they could do it without you.

01:50:17.000 They don't need you present to fucking set you up as whatever.

01:50:20.000 I thought you could.

01:50:21.000 Oh, then they'll go, Kurt, what did you say?

01:50:23.000 They don't even bother with that.

01:50:24.000 Well, they don't care.

01:50:25.000 A lot of people just want to burn you.

01:50:27.000 The entire media is based on this conflict now.

01:50:30.000 And Patrice used to say, like, they always need us to be at war.

01:50:33.000 So they need men versus women. 1.00

01:50:35.000 They always need that going on.

01:50:36.000 It's hard.

01:50:37.000 all the time.

01:50:38.000 What district are you?

01:50:39.000 Most days, you talk about the people that sell that piece of shit.

01:50:43.000 Did you watch that documentary about Gawker and Hulk Hogan?

01:50:46.000 No, I did not.

01:50:47.000 Oh, my God.

01:50:47.000 It's on Netflix.

01:50:49.000 You've got to see it because it's amazing.

01:50:52.000 It's very heavily skewed to make you feel bad for Gawker.

01:50:56.000 It actually makes you go, are you shitting me, Gawker?

01:50:56.000 But it doesn't.

01:51:00.000 It makes you feel bad for Cosby.

01:51:01.000 It's like, dude, you can't sell me that.

01:51:02.000 I feel bad for fucking Dawkins.

01:51:04.000 Why do you think it's designed to make it?

01:51:06.000 Because they're like, so Hulk Hogan, basically, because Gawker, this is how the news media, like that despicable shit they did to Louie and the New York Times, which shouldn't.

01:51:15.000 The New York Times is now a fat girl's diary, basically. 0.92

01:51:17.000 Like, they never should have been allowed.

01:51:19.000 My girlfriend made that up.

01:51:20.000 I didn't make that up.

01:51:20.000 That's very funny.

01:51:21.000 And he said, that's funny.

01:51:23.000 And he's very funny.

01:51:24.000 But that's what it is.

01:51:25.000 And nonsense?

01:51:26.000 I mean, like, dude, if you read the article, there's no crime.

01:51:29.000 People just make up what, like, what did Louis do?

01:51:31.000 I used to ask, like, when that shit happened to him, I go, what did Louis do wrong?

01:51:35.000 And they go, well, one time at work, my boss grabbed my tit.

01:51:38.000 I have my ex-girlfriend says to me, I'm like, I'm sorry, I asked you what Louis did.

01:51:42.000 It's not about that.

01:51:43.000 We're going to use him as a fucking symbol.

01:51:45.000 Because what did he do wrong?

01:51:46.000 Ask for consent for non-contact.

01:51:50.000 Like, what are you talking about?

01:51:52.000 Like, why would that have to come out?

01:51:53.000 And why would that be anybody's business?

01:51:55.000 It's to make him look like he's a Weinstein for comedy.

01:51:58.000 Like Harvey Weinstein, right?

01:51:59.000 And by the way, Harvey Weinstein, that's the old casting couch, which I'm like, good, get rid of that shit.

01:52:04.000 But they try to paint Louis up, a stand-up comic, as if he's a producer-director.

01:52:08.000 Like, it is a conflict of interest.

01:52:10.000 If you have a producer, come to my room.

01:52:11.000 They're like, hey, but another comedian at a festival, it's reasonable to think you might be fucking because you're not on a different, at the power level, we're comedians.

01:52:20.000 We don't work for a corporation together.

01:52:22.000 Okay, we're each an independent company, and the companies can fuck with each other also.

01:52:26.000 So do you think that what it was is just a weird thing that he liked to do and what they made it out to be is like a surprise.

01:52:32.000 They made it look like he's a fucking predator and there was no such anything.

01:52:38.000 He never surprised people, jerking off.

01:52:40.000 Now, I'm going off what Louie told me.

01:52:41.000 And by the way, I believe Louie, by the way.

01:52:44.000 Oh, my God.

01:52:45.000 You're supposed to believe women. 1.00

01:52:46.000 There's a whole new thing.

01:52:48.000 What kind of an imbecile?

01:52:49.000 Tommy, too?

01:52:49.000 I mean, first of all, there's no woman on this earth who's stupid enough to just believe women.

01:52:54.000 Like, women know way better. 1.00

01:52:55.000 So I'm just, what imbecile?

01:52:57.000 People.

01:52:57.000 Yeah.

01:52:58.000 Who's like, oh, I just, the fact that you're a woman is not exhibit A. But you do have to say, it's not evidence.

01:53:03.000 But you do have to admit it's kind of weird to just do like an impromptu whack off sesh.

01:53:07.000 Yeah, it is weird.

01:53:08.000 Unless like, you know, let's say you were talking about sex shit back and forth.

01:53:11.000 It's not so like Weinstein, but it's just like you start whacking.

01:53:13.000 That's a point that you told me.

01:53:15.000 That's a point that you told me.

01:53:16.000 Tell me.

01:53:16.000 To the Elias of Omission.

01:53:18.000 First of all, just, well, I'll just go off the article because I don't know what trouble I'll get in saying what I'm saying.

01:53:22.000 Don't say anybody's name.

01:53:23.000 But just read, listen, just read the fucking article, okay?

01:53:26.000 There's nowhere where it says, then he suppressed, it says, hey, will you watch me masturbate?

01:53:31.000 Somebody said no.

01:53:32.000 You didn't masturbate.

01:53:33.000 They went and said something reported or whatever, supposedly.

01:53:35.000 And by the way, the story of that that I know more about, it's despicable how they frame that.

01:53:40.000 The guitar comic thing, absolutely despicable how they frame that.

01:53:44.000 What's the guitar comic?

01:53:45.000 That's so off.

01:53:46.000 Did anybody read the article?

01:53:49.000 Nobody did, right?

01:53:50.000 Nobody reads the article.

01:53:50.000 I don't read the near attention.

01:53:51.000 I just read the headline.

01:53:52.000 I don't think I read it.

01:53:53.000 Of course not.

01:53:54.000 He literally did nothing.

01:53:55.000 If you read, never mind what I would know personally, just read the article.

01:53:59.000 Nobody bothered to.

01:54:00.000 So all this nonsense that everybody put out of him surprise whacking off, that's not even in there, okay?

01:54:06.000 Like, the first one is the guitar duo that people thought were Garfunkel and Oates because all these young kids can't imagine anything happening before.

01:54:13.000 Who?

01:54:14.000 The guitar duo that Louis supposedly jerked off.

01:54:16.000 You don't remember this?

01:54:17.000 No.

01:54:17.000 That's why they're the guitar duo that Louie jerked off in front of?

01:54:22.000 The New York Times audience.

01:54:22.000 See, dude, I saw some of the headlines and saw some people commenting online.

01:54:27.000 That's okay.

01:54:28.000 Just let me ask.

01:54:29.000 What do you guys think Louis did that he got in trouble for?

01:54:31.000 He asked someone to masturbate if he could masturbate in front of them and then did it.

01:54:34.000 They said yes, and he did it.

01:54:36.000 That's it.

01:54:36.000 Essentially.

01:54:37.000 And then asked it to people who said no, and they felt very uncomfortable and they had to work with him.

01:54:42.000 That is the sexual harassment aspect of it.

01:54:44.000 That's the difference.

01:54:45.000 Like if you're on a TV set.

01:54:47.000 That's the only one that I went, I read and went, wow, that's crazy.

01:54:49.000 But you were telling me something.

01:54:52.000 You know what?

01:54:54.000 He could say what he wants.

01:54:56.000 You don't want to explain what you want.

01:54:57.000 I'm not going to take shit.

01:54:58.000 So he told me in confidence.

01:55:00.000 No need to.

01:55:01.000 But I'll just say to the story.

01:55:03.000 Yeah, but there's a flat-out agenda here.

01:55:07.000 To ruin a guy who, I know it doesn't help his case.

01:55:07.000 What's the agenda?

01:55:13.000 People don't even know the ruins of Mexico.

01:55:15.000 This is like the Taliban, this shit now. 0.76

01:55:17.000 Like, they have to erase.

01:55:18.000 I bet New York.

01:55:19.000 New he's a fucking Buddhist statue that has to be exploded.

01:55:22.000 Do you understand?

01:55:23.000 We now have to take all these unfunny people, okay, for political reasons, and you can't have evidence of someone being funny that fits in the wrong group.

01:55:31.000 That's the Stalin can't have that.

01:55:33.000 There's no Stalin channel.

01:55:34.000 So they gotta kill his fucking leg.

01:55:35.000 See, patriarchy is like every man that ever achieved anything.

01:55:38.000 They gotta remove it.

01:55:39.000 So we're gonna throw Louie away.

01:55:42.000 Louis CK.

01:55:42.000 We're gonna throw him away with Harvey fucking Weinstein as if that's remotely the same.

01:55:47.000 I'm sending you right now, Jamie.

01:55:49.000 You gotta put this shit up.

01:55:50.000 You're gonna cry.

01:55:52.000 Yeah, no, you're right in some ways that there's a Taliban going on.

01:55:57.000 But if a guy like Harvey Weinstein existed, you know, there was a real fucking problem for a lot of people.

01:56:03.000 For sure.

01:56:04.000 100%.

01:56:05.000 In fact, Hollywood's fucking despicable.

01:56:07.000 Both things.

01:56:08.000 What you're saying is true, and that's true.

01:56:11.000 But the idea that another comedian, because back when this happened at Aspen, Louis was not a fucking, he was a comedian who was a few more years ahead than these two girls that were also comedians.

01:56:21.000 I've been at festivals and had sex with comedians.

01:56:24.000 This is outrageous.

01:56:25.000 Yeah, but have you not broadcast on the internet?

01:56:28.000 Or fucked even industry and shit at a festival in a girl protesting. 1.00

01:56:30.000 I'm all these girls attractive and you were attracted to them and you guys had consensual sex?

01:56:34.000 Is that what you're saying?

01:56:36.000 Yeah, rape. 1.00

01:56:36.000 What in the fuck, dude? 1.00

01:56:38.000 Or as it's known now, rape. 0.96

01:56:39.000 Look at this guy.

01:56:41.000 88% of white wealth is due to that.

01:56:44.000 To get a t-shirt on.

01:56:46.000 I hope that that's not really his shirt.

01:56:48.000 I hope somebody thinks he's a fucker and they Photoshop that shit on his shirt.

01:56:53.000 Maybe that's like a shit.

01:56:54.000 But do you see how fucking despicable?

01:56:56.000 Because first of all, what does that have to do with me at all?

01:57:00.000 Let's say if I earned something and 80%, I'm not in that.

01:57:03.000 When you throw those numbers up, I want to see studies.

01:57:05.000 I want to see 88%.

01:57:07.000 Well, that's a very specific number.

01:57:10.000 Do you not notice the fucking shit that this is a white, this is how you know this is a white, young white woman-led fucking movement, the social jihadis. 0.59

01:57:18.000 They're just fighting for the right to do to white men what they've always done to black men. 0.78

01:57:22.000 Which is like, he scared me, I want him fired.

01:57:24.000 Well, it's also.

01:57:25.000 They're not just screw uping all the men.

01:57:27.000 So congratulations.

01:57:28.000 You get to be like an N-word now.

01:57:30.000 Well, it's also toxic femininity, where it's like a lot of women's instincts are based around keeping a toddler away from like light sockets. 1.00

01:57:37.000 So it's like whatever they do, it's all good.

01:57:39.000 It's not good.

01:57:40.000 But don't you feel an instinct to do that too as a man?

01:57:42.000 Hold on.

01:57:42.000 Keep going.

01:57:43.000 I feel like I would keep a toddler away from a light socket.

01:57:46.000 All right.

01:57:48.000 Women are more designed in general to take care of very young children and men are more like seven onward where it's like, if you fall down, you hurt yourself and you learn your lesson. 0.96

01:57:57.000 Now get out there. 1.00

01:57:58.000 What is the design that makes them do that?

01:58:00.000 What?

01:58:02.000 You mean ergonomically designed?

01:58:04.000 No, emotionally wired to do that.

01:58:07.000 Once my wife first had a baby, I really was like, oh, this makes perfect sense.

01:58:12.000 That's why they have breasts. 1.00

01:58:13.000 Yeah, feed a baby. 1.00

01:58:14.000 Exactly.

01:58:15.000 Yeah, well, I don't think that's...

01:58:19.000 It's kind of like a lot of this SJW mentality is that safe space.

01:58:23.000 Like if there's a group of people, there's nothing they could possibly have done wrong.

01:58:27.000 Like protect at all costs.

01:58:29.000 I see what you're saying.

01:58:29.000 It's almost maternal.

01:58:30.000 Exactly.

01:58:31.000 It's like how tactical.

01:58:31.000 Yeah.

01:58:32.000 They're not maternal.

01:58:33.000 I mean, like, this is the thing that makes me laugh.

01:58:35.000 Yeah, that's the point I was making.

01:58:37.000 You want a mother society, but you killed your babies, didn't you? 0.99

01:58:40.000 It's an edifice.

01:58:41.000 It's Oedipus.

01:58:42.000 Mothering jobs. 0.98

01:58:42.000 So maybe you shouldn't, so you don't abort us. 0.98

01:58:44.000 Well, maybe they didn't kill their babies.

01:58:46.000 Like, you throw in the ones that got abortions in, and they're all contaminated.

01:58:50.000 I'm talking about these things.

01:58:51.000 They talk about the clergy.

01:58:53.000 Yeah, let me be specific.

01:58:54.000 The online feminist clergy.

01:58:56.000 Do you have to have an abortion to get in a club? 1.00

01:58:58.000 You do.

01:58:58.000 That's what we got.

01:59:00.000 You have to show your receipt.

01:59:01.000 Dude, it's a hunch card.

01:59:02.000 Lena Dunham is the classic, because I feel bad for her.

01:59:04.000 It's like, she's like, I just want to be good in my church.

01:59:09.000 The guy who worked for me didn't commit rape.

01:59:11.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

01:59:12.000 He did.

01:59:12.000 Dude, this is communism.

01:59:13.000 This isn't harmless.

01:59:14.000 The bodies stack.

01:59:15.000 Like, the number one death of the 20th century was your own government.

01:59:19.000 My own.

01:59:20.000 Wait, wait.

01:59:20.000 Who are you talking to?

01:59:21.000 Who's me?

01:59:21.000 Me?

01:59:23.000 People is in us, like humankind.

01:59:24.000 Your own government is the.

01:59:26.000 Yeah, 60 million Russians, 60 million Chinese, and you got Hitler. 0.87

01:59:32.000 Dude, I'm so high.

01:59:33.000 Are we in Russia?

01:59:34.000 What do you mean by that?

01:59:35.000 Who are you talking?

01:59:36.000 When you say your own government.

01:59:38.000 Like, equity, inclusivity, all that stuff, it all leads to like the way to make a forest equal is with an axe.

01:59:44.000 That's it.

01:59:45.000 And the tallest nail gets hammered down.

01:59:46.000 Like, these are all, and we're starting to enter like upside down world.

01:59:50.000 And the right-wing tyranny is more sexy.

01:59:56.000 That's why you hear about Hitler because he's an evil guy, but at least he had like great boots and shit. 0.89

02:00:00.000 But like Stalin is a bean counter. 0.52

02:00:02.000 That's why he has way bigger death count.

02:00:04.000 We never hear about it because he's just like, let them starve.

02:00:07.000 I thought Stalin, what I always read about Stalin was he was kind of like a meathead and Lenin was like the intellectual.

02:00:13.000 And Stalin was like the muscle that kind of crept up, but he was just like a fucking, you know, am I wrong in that? 0.63

02:00:19.000 That's what I know of Stalin.

02:00:20.000 Lenin was a little bit of both.

02:00:22.000 He was an ideologue.

02:00:23.000 Did you read the shit of the classified from Russia that stuff Stalin had them working on?

02:00:28.000 No.

02:00:28.000 He wanted to make these guerrilla human hybrid soldiers.

02:00:31.000 Oh, I did read that.

02:00:32.000 This is when they couldn't say no to Stalin, like the later years, where whatever he said, you're like, okay, Stalin. 0.77

02:00:36.000 Can you imagine?

02:00:37.000 He goes, make guerrilla soldiers that don't have to eat very much.

02:00:39.000 And they're like, well, guerrillas actually eat all day.

02:00:41.000 It might not be.

02:00:42.000 But do it.

02:00:44.000 Yeah, if you stop guerrilla soldiers that don't eat very much.

02:00:46.000 Half-man, half-gorrilla soldiers so that they wouldn't have to eat a lot.

02:00:49.000 I mean, it's crazy to shit.

02:00:51.000 Whoa.

02:00:51.000 Well, if you stopped clapping first, he killed you.

02:00:53.000 And there was this one time where there's nine straight minutes of everyone clapping.

02:00:57.000 And like, cause the people knew that the first one to stop is going to die.

02:01:02.000 And someone finally passed out and they killed him.

02:01:04.000 Yeah, because that's how far compliance goes.

02:01:07.000 It's just, they keep getting you to comply, comply, comply.

02:01:11.000 And that's the question I want to know about guns and abortion.

02:01:13.000 It's like, where's the line?

02:01:16.000 Because if you can't determine it, someone's going to look for it.

02:01:19.000 When, like you were saying, like, when do you think it's okay or not okay to have an abortion?

02:01:23.000 Roll V. Wade is a good fucking comic system.

02:01:26.000 So you think one day guns, too, like that on both sides.

02:01:30.000 There's an unreasonable argument on both sides.

02:01:32.000 They're not willing to give it up at all, right?

02:01:34.000 You know what's funny, man?

02:01:34.000 On both sides.

02:01:35.000 Because like I said, I don't care about all you kids.

02:01:38.000 However, I don't get why Such an aggressive opening statement.

02:01:45.000 Like, they're like, I'm very sorry.

02:01:46.000 There's absolutely nothing that can be done.

02:01:48.000 But if you're a gun lover or just shooter or know anything about guns and someone says AR-15 and they don't realize an A-10 is the same gun except with bigger bullets or an SKS or that automatic guns are already illegal and they want to like ban something they don't understand, like there is no such thing as an assault rifle.

02:02:07.000 That doesn't make any sense.

02:02:08.000 Well, you call it an assault rifle.

02:02:11.000 Wait, what sign are you coming down?

02:02:12.000 That's all the noise you're making with your mouth.

02:02:14.000 Who cares?

02:02:15.000 The point is there's guns that you can shoot a bunch of people real easy with.

02:02:18.000 Yeah, but like what I'm saying is assault AR-50. 0.54

02:02:23.000 They know what's going on.

02:02:24.000 There's a gun.

02:02:24.000 It's killing people.

02:02:25.000 Like all this other stuff is nonsense.

02:02:27.000 And people get lost up in the minutiae of it.

02:02:29.000 Like, you know, they don't know the right names.

02:02:30.000 What's a bump stock?

02:02:31.000 Dude, do you think, like, I was in South Dakota not long ago, and the dude I was hanging out with was like a doomsday prepper, right?

02:02:37.000 He's a guy that worked at a club.

02:02:38.000 But he's like a nice guy.

02:02:40.000 Is his name canned peaches?

02:02:44.000 That's so corny.

02:02:48.000 He's like, don't call me that, guys.

02:02:50.000 We have so many canned peaches.

02:02:52.000 How many cans are you going to need?

02:02:54.000 40 years worth.

02:02:55.000 This shit doesn't go bad, bro.

02:02:57.000 Peaches are good when there's an apocalypse.

02:02:57.000 It's good food.

02:02:59.000 Fucking canned peaches, like in someone's basement.

02:03:01.000 How long does that shit last?

02:03:03.000 A while.

02:03:04.000 Like years.

02:03:05.000 Does it last years?

02:03:06.000 Yeah, they're designed for like the apocalypse.

02:03:08.000 There's like 50 shits.

02:03:09.000 That's what they all do.

02:03:10.000 They canned.

02:03:10.000 This guy's so strong.

02:03:11.000 Dude, because he was doing it for Jesus' reasons.

02:03:15.000 This guy, I swear to God told me he's a Christian, but he's not a good Christian. 0.99

02:03:18.000 Oh.

02:03:19.000 What did he do wrong?

02:03:21.000 I didn't pry, but he's not going up in the first pickup.

02:03:25.000 Oh, he'll have to second round.

02:03:28.000 Well, the good thing about the Christians is You could always, even on the fucking buzzer, on the buzzer, accept Jesus. 1.00

02:03:36.000 Hold on.

02:03:37.000 Not during the Great Tribulation that he was planning to live through, which was what the stockpiles were for.

02:03:43.000 He was going to have to live through that and then get caught up in the second pickup.

02:03:48.000 He won't be the disappearing out of his clothes guy.

02:03:50.000 The problem with where both of us live, you and I, is if the shit does hit the fan, we're kind of fucked.

02:03:56.000 There's too many people.

02:03:57.000 Too many people in Manhattan, too many people out here.

02:04:00.000 It ain't good.

02:04:01.000 This is no bueno.

02:04:02.000 You really want to be like, I mean, I did carry that with my family.

02:04:05.000 Not in the winter, but yeah.

02:04:06.000 Yeah, but in the winter.

02:04:08.000 Look, if you don't have laws, you're going to go out and you could whack 30 fucking deer and stack those fuckers up in your garage.

02:04:14.000 Like, there's deer all over the place up there.

02:04:16.000 You are going to have to get it.

02:04:17.000 You just hunt them freshwater.

02:04:19.000 You're going to hunt them with your car, not even wanting to.

02:04:22.000 Because it got so high.

02:04:23.000 It got so cotchy.

02:04:25.000 Well, in some places, they allow you to pick that deer up and take it home and eat it.

02:04:29.000 Like after you hit it with your car.

02:04:31.000 They should, for sure.

02:04:32.000 But the thing is that they were saying, like, what if people were targeting the deer?

02:04:35.000 Like, you know how much it costs the damage that a deer does to your fucking car?

02:04:40.000 Like, they destroy your car.

02:04:41.000 Thousands of dollars of damage.

02:04:43.000 Who the fuck is going to do that?

02:04:44.000 And that's a lot of driving.

02:04:46.000 Yeah.

02:04:46.000 For a deer that you could buy a tag for for like 50 bucks.

02:04:49.000 And kill with like a knife.

02:04:51.000 Like deer in my yard would literally just be eating my flowers and just look at me like, bitch, you know this is the village. 0.99

02:04:57.000 And I'm like, dude, when I lived in Boulder, when you get out in the town of Boulder, you'll see a fucking giant mule deer sitting on the side of the road eating.

02:05:08.000 Big ass buck, giant antlers, just sitting there. 0.78

02:05:12.000 And you can get out of the car and go, motherfucker, are you for real?

02:05:14.000 And this thing will just be looking at you, just eating.

02:05:17.000 They're so convinced that no one's going to eat them.

02:05:20.000 They just wander through the city.

02:05:22.000 It's fucking amazing.

02:05:22.000 It's amazing.

02:05:24.000 I was just in Denver.

02:05:26.000 Buller's about an hour outside.

02:05:27.000 Maybe less.

02:05:29.000 Maybe a little less than an hour.

02:05:30.000 It's a cool little mountain community.

02:05:32.000 Very, very quiet.

02:05:33.000 I love it up there.

02:05:33.000 The chickens are the best, though.

02:05:34.000 They just give you an egg a day.

02:05:35.000 I'll tell you what's hilarious.

02:05:36.000 I had not seen the guy with the Oakleys on top of his fucking sun vibe.

02:05:43.000 The homeless white kids with the dog and shit. 0.84

02:05:46.000 I haven't seen it in a while.

02:05:47.000 That is some juicy dirt bag in Denver?

02:05:51.000 No, outside.

02:05:52.000 It's like the mountain.

02:05:53.000 I was under the mountain, like a South Park town.

02:05:58.000 Yeah, that's where Evergreen is.

02:06:00.000 Evergreen is where they grew up.

02:06:01.000 Trey and Matt Parker grew up in Evergreen.

02:06:03.000 Evergreen's fucking amazing.

02:06:05.000 It's amazing.

02:06:06.000 Just like outside of Denver, like just outside.

02:06:08.000 Evergreen has a population of elk that's 100 strong that walk through the middle of the fucking city.

02:06:14.000 A buddy of mine lives there, my friend Brian Caul.

02:06:16.000 He put a bunch of videos on his Instagram.

02:06:19.000 His Instagram is the Gritty Bowman, or it might be Gritty Bowman.

02:06:22.000 He's got a podcast called Gritty.

02:06:23.000 Dude, when you see those things in person, even like a horse.

02:06:26.000 I don't know the last time you saw like a live horse, but like they look like a fucking dinosaur to you if you've been in the city long enough.

02:06:31.000 You're like, I can't believe there's a giant fucking animal looking at me.

02:06:34.000 I mean, that's.

02:06:35.000 Look at that.

02:06:36.000 That looks prehistoric.

02:06:37.000 Yeah, those are elk.

02:06:38.000 That's gritty.

02:06:39.000 I don't know who that gentleman is, but that's one of his buddies that got one of those.

02:06:42.000 But he's got some videos on his Instagram somewhere of his town.

02:06:47.000 He lives in Evergreen, I believe.

02:06:49.000 And these gigantic fucking deer just walking through his yard.

02:06:53.000 Wow.

02:06:54.000 By the way, what are the odds on his Facebook?

02:06:57.000 It says his two loves are bow hunting and Barack Obama.

02:07:00.000 What are the odds?

02:07:01.000 A thousand percent.

02:07:03.000 Does horn size have to do with hammer size?

02:07:05.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

02:07:06.000 Like they just have hammers on them.

02:07:07.000 The bigger the elk, the bigger the antlers, the older, if they keep it.

02:07:11.000 Like, she's trying to get rid of it.

02:07:12.000 This is in her yard.

02:07:13.000 They just wander into people's yards.

02:07:15.000 And that's a female, but that's probably a 300-pound animal. 1.00

02:07:18.000 It's a big ass fucking animal.

02:07:20.000 You know, man, I'm a little, because I love shooting, but I'm like, I think I'd be a little queasy.

02:07:26.000 I just don't want to clean my hunt.

02:07:27.000 Like, that's what I want to hunt.

02:07:28.000 You get used to it.

02:07:29.000 It's not a good thing.

02:07:30.000 Yeah, but even fishing I never did.

02:07:32.000 It's a different thing than fishing.

02:07:32.000 Right.

02:07:33.000 It's way more intimate.

02:07:34.000 Yeah, fishing, like, I don't feel any remorse.

02:07:38.000 It's way more intimate.

02:07:38.000 Oh, always.

02:07:39.000 Always.

02:07:40.000 You're blooded now.

02:07:41.000 I don't feel any remorse when I kill a fish.

02:07:43.000 Hey, where, by the way, did the Donner Party die in Colorado?

02:07:46.000 Nevada.

02:07:47.000 They were Nevada, not Colorado.

02:07:48.000 No, they were in, wasn't it, the Sierra Nevadas?

02:07:51.000 Is that where they died?

02:07:52.000 Because I drove through there on the way back.

02:07:53.000 I just remember.

02:07:54.000 I think it was Nevada.

02:07:55.000 You know the Donner Party?

02:07:56.000 Yeah, how long before you eat a guy?

02:07:58.000 None.

02:07:58.000 Me?

02:07:58.000 Yeah.

02:07:59.000 I mean, I'm not doing this.

02:08:01.000 No chance.

02:08:03.000 Look, what kind of fucking life is this going to be?

02:08:05.000 Am I getting this story?

02:08:06.000 He's already dead though.

02:08:07.000 He's already dead.

02:08:08.000 Hold on, am I getting a story wrong?

02:08:09.000 They got trapped in the snow and they had to eat each other out.

02:08:12.000 They had to eat each other out all winter.

02:08:14.000 They had to come in each other's mouths. 0.96

02:08:15.000 They've just eaten each other's dicks.

02:08:17.000 Isn't true?

02:08:18.000 This is where father and son, mother and daughter, eating each other out.

02:08:21.000 Just print it online and it'll be so.

02:08:23.000 It was a tragedy.

02:08:24.000 And any correction of it will be ignored.

02:08:26.000 They ate each other out for months.

02:08:28.000 The entire winter months.

02:08:29.000 He's an eat out apology.

02:08:31.000 They just had a standing 69, constant.

02:08:35.000 Just they rotated each other.

02:08:37.000 The bush size back then to eat through.

02:08:39.000 They must have had huge bushes.

02:08:39.000 Oh, man.

02:08:41.000 It was a cold winter.

02:08:42.000 Chaos.

02:08:43.000 There's some dicks that wouldn't make it through that bush. 0.54

02:08:45.000 Yeah, probably a lot of them.

02:08:46.000 Just like you could have a four or five inch bush.

02:08:49.000 Especially like super hairy turkeys.

02:08:51.000 I've never seen measuring the bush.

02:08:54.000 Like, I got a five-inch bush.

02:08:57.000 It's like turkeys.

02:08:58.000 Turkeys have beards. 1.00

02:08:59.000 They have these long-ass beards.

02:09:00.000 And the longer the beard, like the more desirable the turkey is.

02:09:03.000 Is that really?

02:09:04.000 Oh, that picking balls on their nose is a beard?

02:09:04.000 Yeah, it's like a turkey.

02:09:06.000 No, no, no, no.

02:09:07.000 Down here, it grows like right off of their neck area, like where the neck hits the chest.

02:09:12.000 It's this long thing that's called a turkey beard.

02:09:14.000 Yeah, they're like dinosaurs.

02:09:15.000 I feel like there's like a whole cock and balls on their nose.

02:09:17.000 No, that's like they got all that stuff, but I forget what that red shit's called.

02:09:20.000 It looks like a disease.

02:09:21.000 It's all fucked up, too.

02:09:22.000 Yeah, what is that shit?

02:09:23.000 The red stuff.

02:09:25.000 It's like gristle or grumpy.

02:09:26.000 Yeah, like when you see a rooster, like a rooster's, what do you call the fucking red thing?

02:09:32.000 You never know, man.

02:09:33.000 I have no idea what to call the red thing.

02:09:34.000 I have no reason to know that.

02:09:36.000 Yeah.

02:09:37.000 But turkeys will fuck you up, too.

02:09:38.000 They'll fuck you up.

02:09:39.000 I do turkeys.

02:09:42.000 You gotta do a joke about that.

02:09:43.000 And it sounds like I have this personal issue with turkeys because I saw a PBS thing about turkeys.

02:09:47.000 They will never be a friend, a turkey.

02:09:49.000 Did you see where the guy lived with turkeys?

02:09:51.000 No.

02:09:51.000 He fucking My Life is a Turkey.

02:09:54.000 If you can find it, it's fucking up.

02:09:55.000 Did he identify as a turkey?

02:09:56.000 Is that what was going on?

02:09:57.000 He was with them from when they hatched.

02:09:59.000 They would follow him around.

02:10:00.000 The second they hit puberty, they turn into prehistoric dinosaur vicious fucking, they're gone.

02:10:05.000 Except his favorite stayed with him.

02:10:08.000 Turkey Boy, his favorite turkey.

02:10:10.000 Stayed with him.

02:10:11.000 Yeah, and then one day they're by a log.

02:10:12.000 And this is what's amazing.

02:10:14.000 You should watch this as soon as possible.

02:10:15.000 I hope I'm not remembering this wrong height, but I swear to God.

02:10:18.000 So Turkey Boy one day just fucking turned on him and attacked him and went for his eyes. 1.00

02:10:22.000 They go for your eyes.

02:10:23.000 His favorite turkey, Turkey Boy, who was like, I thought that was going to be it.

02:10:26.000 And Turkey Boy wouldn't know. 0.94

02:10:27.000 He went for his eyes.

02:10:28.000 Jesus.

02:10:30.000 And they show a reenactment with another, like, it's like an actor turkey.

02:10:34.000 I don't know how they did it.

02:10:35.000 Is it in the union?

02:10:36.000 It's fucking amazing.

02:10:37.000 I bet they did it because turkeys just go for your fucking eyes. 0.97

02:10:40.000 Yeah, you don't need a lot of training.

02:10:41.000 And they probably knew.

02:10:42.000 My life is a turkey.

02:10:42.000 But my joke is, like, because you know how big a live turkey is?

02:10:45.000 They're huge.

02:10:45.000 They're the size of Cat Williams.

02:10:47.000 And it's like, and his buddies probably didn't get, like, very.

02:10:52.000 Stupid joke.

02:10:53.000 They probably weren't too compassionate when they're like, why did he turn on me?

02:10:57.000 Like, I shouldn't have trusted turkey.

02:10:58.000 And they're like, yeah, it's a fucking turkey, man.

02:11:00.000 Well, you think about a chicken.

02:11:01.000 Chickens are ruthless.

02:11:02.000 And then now think about a turkey.

02:11:04.000 Turkeys are giant chickens.

02:11:06.000 That's what they are.

02:11:06.000 They haven't been bred at all.

02:11:08.000 They're like in the trees.

02:11:09.000 Where my grandfather lived in Thanota, Sassau, Florida, before he died, there was all these feral cats and chickens on their property.

02:11:16.000 And he'd feed them.

02:11:17.000 He'd put this big feeder out.

02:11:18.000 It was amazing how they formed a little society.

02:11:20.000 Because it would be kitten.

02:11:21.000 It would be cat, chicken, cat.

02:11:23.000 They didn't have any interaction.

02:11:24.000 They just all came and ate the food.

02:11:25.000 That's amazing.

02:11:26.000 Yeah, I mean, you're watching.

02:11:27.000 That's just crazy.

02:11:28.000 And they weren't like-It's amazing that the cats didn't kill the little chickens.

02:11:30.000 Not even at all a little bit.

02:11:32.000 That's crazy.

02:11:33.000 There was just plenty of food.

02:11:33.000 That's super rare that a feral cat can keep it together like that.

02:11:37.000 I would have never thought that until I was watching them do it.

02:11:39.000 You ever see the numbers-It looked like a Disney movie.

02:11:39.000 It was adorable.

02:11:41.000 What?

02:11:41.000 You ever see the numbers of birds that feral cats kill in America every year?

02:11:44.000 No.

02:11:45.000 It's in the billions.

02:11:46.000 Do we need them to do it?

02:11:47.000 The bee.

02:11:47.000 No.

02:11:47.000 Probably.

02:11:48.000 You know, when you think about it, we probably do.

02:11:50.000 Because in Israel, they're like rats. 0.78

02:11:51.000 My ex-Israeli, she told me they're like cats or not.

02:11:55.000 Same with Egypt. 0.84

02:11:56.000 I lost a chicken to a coyote last night.

02:11:58.000 I had to finish the chicken off with my hands.

02:12:00.000 Yeah.

02:12:00.000 You have chickens?

02:12:01.000 We had a coyote in the yard.

02:12:02.000 Caught it in the yard while the chickens were out.

02:12:04.000 What do you-Jumped up on the top of the chicken coop and jumped over.

02:12:07.000 And it chased a couple of them and bit one of them.

02:12:10.000 And knocked some feathers loose.

02:12:10.000 Wow.

02:12:12.000 But one of them, it actually got and killed.

02:12:14.000 It's wild there's coyotes here.

02:12:15.000 Oh, dude.

02:12:16.000 It's a crazy thing to be around, man.

02:12:18.000 To watch that thing-They're in New York, too, by the way.

02:12:20.000 Watch that thing jump to the roof of this chicken coop like it was nothing. 0.92

02:12:23.000 I'm talking about a six-foot jump.

02:12:25.000 And it's so elegant.

02:12:26.000 It's kind of beautiful.

02:12:27.000 And watch the way they did it.

02:12:29.000 It was a bummer that it killed a chicken.

02:12:30.000 And I had to scare it off.

02:12:31.000 And now we know that they're targeting the chickens.

02:12:34.000 Because it's happened more than once.

02:12:35.000 Last time it happened was like two years ago, though.

02:12:37.000 Wow.

02:12:37.000 They'll keep coming back.

02:12:38.000 I lost all ten.

02:12:38.000 They'll come back.

02:12:39.000 I lost all ten once.

02:12:39.000 They know where the chickens are.

02:12:40.000 To coyotes?

02:12:41.000 A fisher cat and a raccoon, I believe.

02:12:44.000 So you guys are both chicken farmers?

02:12:45.000 Is that what I'm understanding?

02:12:46.000 Dude, you get an egg a day per hen.

02:12:48.000 Yeah.

02:12:48.000 Not always, but close.

02:12:50.000 In the winter, someone's holding out.

02:12:51.000 One of these bitches are holding out. 1.00

02:12:52.000 I'll bet.

02:12:52.000 Do you ever cut them open to get all the eggs at once?

02:12:54.000 That's what I would do.

02:12:55.000 Jesus Christ, bro.

02:12:56.000 Dude, we could have 20 eggs right now if I cut this chicken open. 0.81

02:13:00.000 Come on.

02:13:00.000 Fuck this chicken.

02:13:01.000 Yeah.

02:13:02.000 I don't feel bad about killing chickens.

02:13:03.000 It's like fish.

02:13:03.000 I don't kill them, but they're pets to me.

02:13:06.000 I don't eat them.

02:13:07.000 They're my pets that give me-Yeah, as pets, they're kind of smart, aren't they?

02:13:09.000 Well, for me, it was the roosters.

02:13:10.000 There's four.

02:13:11.000 I got videos of them following me around because I give them treats.

02:13:11.000 They follow me around.

02:13:14.000 So I walk around the backyard and it's like I'm the fucking Pied Piper of chickens.

02:13:18.000 It's kind of hilarious.

02:13:20.000 Do you have roosters, though?

02:13:21.000 I'm going to see of me carrying my daughter's bunny walking and all these chicks are following me. 1.00

02:13:25.000 I'm like a mini Beastmaster.

02:13:26.000 Like a way gayer Beastmaster.

02:13:28.000 Are you going to get a ferret?

02:13:31.000 That's what they don't tell you in Beastmaster.

02:13:33.000 How bad his house smells?

02:13:34.000 Beastmaster on the Bravo channel.

02:13:35.000 When you feed them, especially when I give them these little worm treats, these dried meal worms, they fucking love these things.

02:13:41.000 They go crazy for them.

02:13:42.000 Really?

02:13:43.000 That's how I get them back into their chicken coop. 0.88

02:13:45.000 They have a pretty big chicken coop, but when they wander the yard and I want to get them back, I take their worms and shake them.

02:13:50.000 Really?

02:13:51.000 They come running to me.

02:13:52.000 It's adorable.

02:13:53.000 And then I give them a little treat every time so that they know that every time I shakey, shakey, shakey, it's time for a treat.

02:13:58.000 And they're so carnivorous.

02:14:00.000 You've never seen something attack worms with the kind of passion and vigor that the chickens do.

02:14:06.000 They just go.

02:14:06.000 No, I've seen it.

02:14:07.000 It's terrifying.

02:14:08.000 Dude, they'll eat chickens. 1.00

02:14:09.000 They're dinosaurs.

02:14:09.000 They eat little chickens.

02:14:09.000 Oh, yeah.

02:14:10.000 If you see...

02:14:12.000 Shit.

02:14:14.000 Oh, the fighting roosters.

02:14:16.000 I went to Hawaii, by the way.

02:14:17.000 Well, roosters are way different than hens.

02:14:19.000 No, I know.

02:14:19.000 They'll rape the shit out of anybody.

02:14:21.000 Yeah.

02:14:21.000 And they also just...

02:14:23.000 I mean, they're fucking crazy.

02:14:24.000 I thought we were about to say the same thing.

02:14:25.000 I'm like, oh, you have a different point than me.

02:14:26.000 But in Hawaii, there had been a hurricane and these people had chickens like that that I got.

02:14:31.000 So on the street corners, it made me laugh.

02:14:33.000 It would look like a pimp.

02:14:34.000 It'd be like one rooster and then a bunch of hens behind him. 0.87

02:14:37.000 And he would just like...

02:14:38.000 He's got earners?

02:14:38.000 ...prow the corner.

02:14:39.000 And he was a wild chicken?

02:14:40.000 He's in Kauai.

02:14:40.000 Every corner, I just see roosters like...

02:14:42.000 Oh, wow.

02:14:42.000 Wild chickens.

02:14:43.000 But I keep fucking forgetting why I brought this up.

02:14:47.000 Maybe because I've been swimming...

02:14:48.000 You're talking about roosters in Hawaii.

02:14:49.000 Yeah, well...

02:14:50.000 Rapey roosters.

02:14:51.000 Birds being killers.

02:14:52.000 A billion birds.

02:14:53.000 You know, cockfights, right?

02:14:54.000 Yes.

02:14:54.000 Cockfights.

02:14:55.000 Because, you know, it's like when they go to rescue the fighting roosters, I didn't know they'd just kill them.

02:15:00.000 Because that's all they want to do is fight.

02:15:02.000 So they just fucking...

02:15:03.000 If they bust one of those rings up, they just put the...

02:15:05.000 Like, just let them fucking fight if that's what they're into, you know?

02:15:08.000 This doesn't seem like...

02:15:09.000 I know.

02:15:09.000 It's not like a grandma.

02:15:10.000 It's like they get them adopted or something.

02:15:11.000 They just fucking put them down.

02:15:12.000 Well, here's the thing.

02:15:13.000 They were bred for it.

02:15:14.000 There's championship bloodlines.

02:15:14.000 Yeah.

02:15:15.000 Like, there's a reason why these things do it.

02:15:17.000 What is it saying?

02:15:18.000 If that's what they exist to do, then I would say let them do it.

02:15:21.000 They're showing us wild chickens in Walmart in one of these fucking shopping cart return bar things.

02:15:21.000 But it's not like a...

02:15:27.000 And they're covered with chickens.

02:15:28.000 This is crazy.

02:15:29.000 It's in Hawaii.

02:15:30.000 Yeah, in Kauai.

02:15:31.000 That's nuts, man.

02:15:32.000 There's wild chickens.

02:15:33.000 Now, what's the word on killing those?

02:15:35.000 Can you...

02:15:36.000 If you want some chicken soup and you don't have a lot of money, are you allowed to just whack one of those?

02:15:40.000 I hope so.

02:15:41.000 Look at all of them.

02:15:42.000 That's crazy.

02:15:42.000 They don't have any predators.

02:15:43.000 See, Hawaii is a really bananas place when it comes to wildlife.

02:15:47.000 Because they introduce a bunch of things.

02:15:48.000 You know those noni birds? 1.00

02:15:49.000 They used to have these birds called noni birds.

02:15:51.000 And they were so docile.

02:15:53.000 The natives would just pick them up and crack them and eat them. 1.00

02:15:55.000 It's like dodo birds were like that, too.

02:15:56.000 And they just ate them extinct because these birds had no fear.

02:15:59.000 Right.

02:16:00.000 Well, they brought a bunch of shit over there, but they didn't bring predators for it. 0.99

02:16:04.000 So they have these wild pigs that are just running around everywhere.

02:16:07.000 They have to hunt them down.

02:16:08.000 But pigs are very...

02:16:10.000 Because aren't pigs like...

02:16:11.000 in south america that was not not just disease but the conquistadors brought pigs that fucked up the the crops the natives had everything else fucks everything up pigs turn you know you guys watch all that pig shit right they turn wild and get tusks and hair what do you mean you guys are gonna watch what jamie pulled up here the last major contributor to the kawaii chicken population is always a shocker even to people who have lived here all their lives kawaii's wild jungle fowl is protected under state law,

02:16:37.000 like all birds of Hawaii, the MOA is protected as an important part of nature.

02:16:42.000 Oh, God, that's a terrible idea because that means nothing's going to eat them.

02:16:46.000 So, if nothing's going to eat them, they don't have any predators.

02:16:48.000 That means they're going to get disease.

02:16:50.000 Not yet.

02:16:51.000 You can have abortions up until 40 weeks out there, too, but you can't touch the chickens. 0.85

02:16:55.000 If you have food for them, they're just going to keep breeding.

02:16:58.000 The real question is, do you have food for them?

02:16:59.000 Because if there's just a law of nature, if there's no predators, their population is going to mess up.

02:17:04.000 And you have been out of Kawaii.

02:17:05.000 Oh, yeah.

02:17:06.000 That's awesome.

02:17:07.000 Did you go to Secret Beach that no one's supposed to know about, but it's on every map?

02:17:12.000 I've never done that.

02:17:12.000 Oh, wait a minute.

02:17:15.000 I've been to Oahu is Hawaii.

02:17:18.000 That's like Kauai.

02:17:19.000 Kauai is where I went and did that Nepali Coast tour that Marin told me he did it, but he took a helicopter.

02:17:26.000 But I did on a ramp.

02:17:27.000 I did stand up in Kauai?

02:17:28.000 No, my cousin got married.

02:17:30.000 She lived in Auckland.

02:17:30.000 It's like impossible to do stand-up in Hawaii.

02:17:32.000 It's like rich kids.

02:17:34.000 If you're like a rich kid that drops out, you do it in Hawaii.

02:17:37.000 Let's say you're from here and you're some rich kid or someone to Williamsburg or whatever.

02:17:40.000 That's Hawaii.

02:17:42.000 Because you've got to be rich.

02:17:43.000 The houses, I guess, it's expensive because the upkeep, because the houses degrade slowly.

02:17:48.000 A lot of white people live in there or what?

02:17:49.000 A lot of cultural appropriation?

02:17:52.000 Yeah, South Park had a funny thing about it.

02:17:54.000 But look, if you go there, you rent a house, don't go to a resort.

02:17:58.000 But also, like, the natives kind of, and it is the only place I ever go where I'm like, you know, I feel like a white guilt.

02:18:04.000 Like, Alaska, I was like, there's no way this was better before we got here.

02:18:08.000 But Hawaii, I felt like, oh, I hope we didn't fuck this up, you know, because it was, I mean, I couldn't believe it.

02:18:13.000 I found out later, because Jehovah's Witness publications have like these paradise, you know, would you like to live in a place like this?

02:18:20.000 And I found out later they were based on Hawaii, where I went, because I got there at night, and so I didn't know what it looked like.

02:18:26.000 And I woke up in the morning, and it looked like the shit that I was told, like, after I'm again, God will make the earth.

02:18:32.000 It looked like fucking Jurassic Park.

02:18:32.000 So I'm like, what?

02:18:33.000 It was crazy.

02:18:34.000 Like, these birds flying and we were like on a cliff.

02:18:36.000 It was crazy, dude.

02:18:38.000 It's so pretty.

02:18:39.000 I've used all the waterfalls are, like in Maui.

02:18:42.000 It's up to you.

02:18:42.000 You took these helicopter through it.

02:18:43.000 It's fucking insane.

02:18:44.000 And can I tell you something?

02:18:45.000 Five days is plenty.

02:18:47.000 I was doing it two extra days.

02:18:48.000 I'm like, listen, I have plans in life.

02:18:50.000 Like, as soon as I'm dead, I'll come live here.

02:18:52.000 There's no, but that's where you go if you're like, oh, I'm going to drop out of society.

02:18:55.000 Yeah, there's no time to do it.

02:18:57.000 I used to live in Key West playing piano for tips.

02:18:59.000 And I literally was like, I got, it was like the island of Pinocchio.

02:19:03.000 You know, I'm like, if I don't leave now, this is Hotel California for me, baby.

02:19:06.000 I was like 23 just playing piano for tips, and it was just everything was going so it was the same day every day.

02:19:06.000 Yeah, right.

02:19:12.000 No.

02:19:13.000 Drunk cigarette breath.

02:19:15.000 Just like, I'm here to escape my life.

02:19:18.000 42 years old, still kind of hot.

02:19:20.000 It was too humid.

02:19:21.000 Like, it was a lot of movement.

02:19:22.000 Too humid.

02:19:23.000 That's true, right?

02:19:24.000 Too much humidity.

02:19:25.000 The skin hangs in real good.

02:19:26.000 You see a lot of really hot 50-year-olds in Florida.

02:19:29.000 They got that moisture.

02:19:32.000 I don't know why.

02:19:33.000 Yeah, you got to moisturize.

02:19:34.000 Moisture.

02:19:35.000 Yeah, because dryness does fuck up your skin.

02:19:37.000 Oh, for sure.

02:19:37.000 The sun.

02:19:38.000 Hawaii seemed different too, like less awful.

02:19:40.000 It's beautiful.

02:19:41.000 Yeah, like where I live is so dry.

02:19:42.000 Like, I'm 21 years old right now.

02:19:44.000 I'm aging really fast.

02:19:46.000 Hawaii is one of those places where you're like, wow, how is this America?

02:19:50.000 We flew five hours across the ocean to get here.

02:19:54.000 This is America.

02:19:55.000 Like, what?

02:19:56.000 It's just that, dude, if you live there, I think if you just, if I had lived there, it would eventually become a kind of beautiful hell, and my only joy would be showing visitors around and crystal meth.

02:20:06.000 What if I offered you, what if somebody offered you a residency at like the four seasons in Maui and it was serious cash?

02:20:14.000 What does that mean?

02:20:15.000 Kurt Metzger doing stand-up every weekend.

02:20:17.000 People come down there.

02:20:18.000 I don't know.

02:20:19.000 Let's do a three-year contract, Kurt.

02:20:20.000 What do you think?

02:20:22.000 Three years, okay.

02:20:23.000 Yeah, you would do like basically what some serious cheddar.

02:20:28.000 For three years?

02:20:28.000 Yeah, for three years.

02:20:29.000 I think that's more palatable than a job at SNL.

02:20:32.000 What does that mean?

02:20:34.000 Comedy's tough in Hawaii, though, because there's no pain.

02:20:37.000 Dude, I said the same thing.

02:20:39.000 In fact, I don't know if you know Russ Maneve.

02:20:42.000 No.

02:20:42.000 Okay, he's a funny comic, but he.

02:20:44.000 I know the name.

02:20:44.000 I told a joke of his.

02:20:46.000 I got myself unlaid at this wedding.

02:20:48.000 It was like my cousin was about to get married.

02:20:53.000 But, you know, Russ had a joke about Dolphins' blowhole.

02:20:57.000 He goes, you know, Blow.

02:20:58.000 He goes, don't fuck.

02:20:59.000 He goes, guys, don't fuck them in that hole. 0.55

02:21:02.000 But if you do, hold on.

02:21:06.000 And you got a 69, too, right?

02:21:08.000 When I said that, dude, this girl had her, I mean, it was like it was already touching my shoulder and shit.

02:21:13.000 And I said that, and her hand, like, pew, like shot off because, like, I didn't know they have to worship dolphins as a god there.

02:21:19.000 There he is.

02:21:20.000 It's like it, it's like it tells joke.

02:21:22.000 It's a funny joke.

02:21:22.000 They killed me.

02:21:23.000 They got mad?

02:21:24.000 They got mad?

02:21:25.000 She got mad because it's like they're a joke about fucking shit.

02:21:28.000 Dude, it's like the ultimate.

02:21:29.000 If you're a girl that makes her own jewelry, it's the best place you could live.

02:21:32.000 Jade?

02:21:33.000 No, with colorful seashells.

02:21:34.000 They got these seashells that are a gemstone.

02:21:38.000 They're like these rainbow shells.

02:21:39.000 They're the only seashell you can insure at Lloyds of London.

02:21:43.000 Which island was he on?

02:21:44.000 Kauai.

02:21:46.000 I got my girl, my ex at the time I got, brought her some necklace. 0.70

02:21:49.000 I mean, because, you know, I brought back all this coffee.

02:21:52.000 You spend all this money there, like, and you come back and you're like, this shit you can't wear in society.

02:21:56.000 This is some fucking shirt.

02:21:57.000 That's shit.

02:21:58.000 I brought these handbags.

02:21:59.000 Like, I'm cheap.

02:22:00.000 Yeah, like, what the fuck are you doing?

02:22:02.000 That's hilarious, dude.

02:22:04.000 But it's also, there's a terrible thing if you're trapped on an island with a bunch of lamers. 1.00

02:22:09.000 Like, they could try to get you to be lame.

02:22:11.000 Like, if you've got a bunch of boring people and you're stuck on it, like, that's cool.

02:22:14.000 That's that show lost.

02:22:15.000 Yeah, they're lame.

02:22:16.000 Think of that show lost.

02:22:18.000 Yeah, go to a bar.

02:22:19.000 It's all about locals and, like.

02:22:20.000 That's fine if the locals are cool.

02:22:22.000 If you get lucky and get a bunch of cool locals, that must be awesome.

02:22:22.000 Right.

02:22:26.000 But if your locals are all dipshits, you got to fucking.

02:22:31.000 Here's what's annoying.

02:22:32.000 There's a bunch of local celebrities that are like, usually it's a fat guy that can sing.

02:22:36.000 And like, he's real cocky.

02:22:38.000 And I was like, you know, it's cool.

02:22:40.000 That's your Hawaiian guy. 0.96

02:22:42.000 But it's like, the dude's, I'm like, you know, I'm going, the guy comes in, does all these covers are like four non-blondes, like, hey, hey, Jesus.

02:22:50.000 I'll say, hey, it's a big fat guy singing that.

02:22:53.000 And I'm like, hey, hey, good job, man.

02:22:55.000 I was going to be like, okay.

02:22:56.000 I'm like, you know, I'm just being nice until I met you, dumb cover, fat. 0.97

02:22:59.000 I was like, you don't have to act Like, you know, this is years ago.

02:23:01.000 I remember.

02:23:02.000 I'm like, that was cocky.

02:23:04.000 I'm like, yo, for a guy that's going to die at 50, you're pretty cocky.

02:23:06.000 Whoa.

02:23:07.000 You're being really negative about this guy.

02:23:08.000 They're all either in the most beautiful, like the engineers from Prometheus or 800 pounds.

02:23:14.000 Like the Samoan. 0.72

02:23:16.000 The engineer from Prometheus.

02:23:18.000 Like this incredible.

02:23:19.000 Because my in-laws are.

02:23:20.000 That's a great description of like the perfect, ridiculous, unattainable body.

02:23:24.000 Yeah, no, these dudes are fucking, like, because, you know, Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons do, it does very well in island places with Pacific Islanders.

02:23:33.000 Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons do very well.

02:23:35.000 That's why Brigham Young University has all these big Samoan fucking linebackers. 1.00

02:23:39.000 Because they're Mormons.

02:23:40.000 Yeah, and they have big family.

02:23:41.000 They're into big families naturally.

02:23:43.000 So it just lends itself to their, you know.

02:23:46.000 That's my favorite cult, even though they're one of the most preposterous ones in terms of like what their background origin story is.

02:23:52.000 Yeah.

02:23:53.000 When you find out about Joseph Smith being 14 and 1820, and he writes about golden tablets that contain the lost work of Jesus and only you could read them because he had a seer stone.

02:24:02.000 I love that.

02:24:03.000 Why?

02:24:03.000 Because it's such a great...

02:24:05.000 It's so bad.

02:24:07.000 I can't be the first person to say this, but the only reason you're like, fuck that is because it's too recently.

02:24:11.000 Well, no.

02:24:12.000 If you added a thousand years to it, no one could debate it.

02:24:15.000 Well, sorta, but a 14-year-old.

02:24:18.000 He was 14?

02:24:19.000 Yes.

02:24:19.000 Oh, I didn't know that.

02:24:21.000 Wow, that's like when I think of Biggie and Tupac.

02:24:23.000 I'm like, they were like 23.

02:24:24.000 They were kids.

02:24:25.000 Well, all 14-year-olds are full of shit.

02:24:27.000 They're practicing what they can get away with.

02:24:29.000 They make a lot of people.

02:24:30.000 Who believes 14-year-olds?

02:24:31.000 Yeah, but he's like high-level full of shit.

02:24:34.000 Well, he wasn't just high-level full of shit.

02:24:35.000 He was probably like a compulsive liar, probably pathological.

02:24:40.000 And he was ultimately a con man.

02:24:42.000 I mean, that's what he became.

02:24:43.000 Dude, do people, this is what you don't realize these con men is like, how do they do it?

02:24:46.000 It's like people are so complicit in that.

02:24:49.000 And there's people addicted to that bullshit being conned.

02:24:52.000 And they will, it's some Ben Franklin quote, right, about like quacks, patients are the biggest liars or some shit. 1.00

02:24:57.000 Like they, it's such a bizarre drug dealer situation, the con man and connie a lot of times.

02:25:04.000 There's this drug they're after.

02:25:05.000 And I know people that compulsively have to be conned or sold or at least.

02:25:10.000 You see that with psychics and people who love psychics.

02:25:13.000 Yeah.

02:25:14.000 They will convince themselves.

02:25:15.000 They'll convince themselves that this person has some secret information about them and they were so right.

02:25:20.000 They were so right about my dad.

02:25:21.000 Mike Epps has a great joke.

02:25:23.000 Mike Epps is never faded, underrated.

02:25:25.000 With the silver suit he's got on?

02:25:27.000 I haven't seen it.

02:25:27.000 No, that's one of the best hours.

02:25:29.000 He's a funny dude.

02:25:30.000 Dude, that makes me...

02:25:32.000 I'm trying to write that down.

02:25:33.000 Is it on Netflix?

02:25:34.000 Yeah.

02:25:34.000 It's one of the funny things.

02:25:36.000 Say the name again?

02:25:36.000 Like underrated, never faded or some shit.

02:25:40.000 He's in Detroit.

02:25:41.000 But he had like old ladies, like Pastor Glesson played around too many times. 1.00

02:25:47.000 Old ladies break out of catching the spirit. 1.00

02:25:51.000 They done sent that prayer three times now.

02:25:52.000 That's bullshit.

02:25:54.000 Yeah, see, I can't do it.

02:25:57.000 I was talking about like, these are old ladies that go to church. 1.00

02:26:00.000 I know that old lady, like, if they go to church and they want to pay money to the Jesus man, but even they know what this is a little bit, you know?

02:26:08.000 So when the guy's not doing his end of conning him the right way, they're not completely helpless.

02:26:13.000 They're like, oh, this is a bullshit.

02:26:15.000 They want that Marjo, that documentary is about that, that guy that Steve Morton made his preacher leap of faith is based on that.

02:26:23.000 And the dude doesn't believe in God, and he's making his moves based on Mick Jagger.

02:26:27.000 And he's like, they want him to hit note.

02:26:29.000 He's getting resentful because they want him to be a hack and he wants to try out new stuff.

02:26:33.000 And they don't, you know?

02:26:34.000 That's how I took it.

02:26:35.000 If you watch it, it's very interesting.

02:26:37.000 I'm fascinated by TV preachers.

02:26:40.000 Oh, yeah, man.

02:26:41.000 I think they're amazing.

02:26:42.000 I mean, some of them are so blatantly ridiculous.

02:26:45.000 Did you ever see the ones that were put together, the Jim Baker, who's the dude who made a bunch of, Duncan's friend made a bunch of really funny videos with Jim Baker using all that survival stuff?

02:26:56.000 He just had incredible edits of real moments with Jim Baker talking about his survival food and like how you can use the buckets of survival food as like John Tanny.

02:27:08.000 Yeah.

02:27:08.000 A bottom of a table.

02:27:10.000 So you eat there and you lift it up and the survival food, that's where you store it.

02:27:13.000 His survival food is a little bit more difficult.

02:27:14.000 See, I've seen him with that.

02:27:15.000 He's got people sitting on it like it makes a good chair.

02:27:18.000 I'm sitting there and you're sitting on a chair filled with survival food.

02:27:20.000 Yeah, they're sales.

02:27:21.000 It's all sales.

02:27:23.000 This video this guy put together, it's fucking hilarious because it's all like some of the most ridiculous things that he said.

02:27:28.000 Did you know he spliced their story?

02:27:30.000 Because they got kind of run out by.

02:27:32.000 Yeah, because of Jessica Hahn.

02:27:34.000 Well, no, I know, but he set up, it was a power grab.

02:27:37.000 Maybe it's in the eyes of Tammy Faye, that documentary.

02:27:39.000 Oh, yeah?

02:27:40.000 Because they were con artists that also got conned by that fucking guy who was from the Faith Coalition or something.

02:27:46.000 Oh, really?

02:27:47.000 I lived down south at that.

02:27:48.000 Well, not, I lived in Statesville, North Carolina at that time when he was big.

02:27:51.000 That's not like South South.

02:27:52.000 But there's like a certain melody to get people to say like, yeah, like Farrakhan does it.

02:27:57.000 Where he's like, and America sucks.

02:27:59.000 Look at this.

02:28:00.000 And they're like, yeah, America sucks.

02:28:01.000 Basta.

02:28:02.000 Yeah, well, I don't even know.

02:28:04.000 Jim Baker looks different now.

02:28:06.000 Now he's all bald.

02:28:07.000 What does that mean?

02:28:10.000 Why is it saying Basta?

02:28:12.000 Oh, were they speaking in tongues?

02:28:15.000 Oh, yeah, that's stopping Italian. 0.98

02:28:17.000 He's got a bunch of videos on Jim Baker.

02:28:20.000 He's got a ton of videos on him.

02:28:22.000 I think homeboy might be obsessed.

02:28:24.000 But he puts together these ridiculous edits of the Jim Baker show.

02:28:28.000 Preparedness and survival.

02:28:30.000 Here it is.

02:28:31.000 This is like this.

02:28:32.000 They've got a show for me.

02:28:33.000 Dude, I love when rednecks adopt Hebrew shit. 1.00

02:28:37.000 Like it's their shit.

02:28:38.000 Oh, yeah.

02:28:38.000 I'm going to blow a chauffeur now.

02:28:41.000 Dude, my religion, we said all these Jew words we didn't know how to say.

02:28:44.000 And then I dated a girl who spoke Hebrew and didn't understand how off all my pronunciations were of everything. 0.96

02:28:50.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:28:51.000 So yours was straight from the Jehovah's Witnesses. 0.95

02:28:54.000 I had a My Book of Bible stories where a guy's reading the tape.

02:28:57.000 So I would pronounce these words.

02:28:58.000 It's just how Americans pronounce Bible words.

02:29:02.000 And the shit's not for us.

02:29:04.000 It's for the people that...

02:29:07.000 I mean, a lot of these words are like thousands of years old.

02:29:10.000 Yeah, well, Hebrew, though, they recreated it when the nation of Israel was formed.

02:29:13.000 It's kind of interesting.

02:29:14.000 They had to re-re.

02:29:15.000 It was like a lost language that had to be rebuilt.

02:29:18.000 Rebuild it?

02:29:19.000 Wow.

02:29:19.000 Yeah.

02:29:20.000 From the ground up.

02:29:22.000 Well, I guess not from the ground up.

02:29:23.000 I don't know.

02:29:24.000 They had to put it.

02:29:25.000 But now it's a fluently spoken language and it was like dead for a while.

02:29:29.000 Yeah, well, there's two different Hebrews, right? 0.98

02:29:30.000 There's ancient Hebrew.

02:29:31.000 It's different, right?

02:29:33.000 Yeah.

02:29:33.000 I guess, yeah.

02:29:34.000 Ancient Hebrew, the letters are also numbers.

02:29:36.000 There's no numbers in ancient Hebrew, it's real weird.

02:29:38.000 Yeah, I don't think they use it anymore, but that's like the original Bible.

02:29:42.000 I mean, like, how many people use ancient Hebrew to see if you can find a video what ancient Hebrew sounds like.

02:29:47.000 Well, my ex's parents are Hebrew scholars, so they want to hear what it sounds like.

02:29:53.000 Like, Hebrew. 0.93

02:29:54.000 It sounds like phlegm noises.

02:29:55.000 It all sounds like weird fucking sound.

02:29:57.000 Here's an example.

02:29:58.000 What is that about that sound?

02:30:00.000 It's just, you know.

02:30:01.000 But I mean, think about it.

02:30:02.000 Like, Chinese has a very specific sound.

02:30:04.000 Germany is very sound.

02:30:04.000 Chinese sounds Italian.

02:30:06.000 Have you been to China?

02:30:07.000 No, I've never been to China.

02:30:08.000 I've been to Japan, though.

02:30:09.000 It's worth going.

02:30:10.000 It's a lot of like shh sounds.

02:30:12.000 Let me hear this shit.

02:30:17.000 That sounds like Latin a little better.

02:30:22.000 It sounds like what?

02:30:24.000 Wow.

02:30:26.000 Look at that.

02:30:27.000 Look at the writing.

02:30:28.000 That's how crazy it looks.

02:30:31.000 It looks like Lord of the Rings elf language, doesn't it?

02:30:33.000 It does.

02:30:34.000 Like ancient languages like Sanskrit look so crazy. 0.99

02:30:39.000 If this was on a spaceship, you would think it would be like that.

02:30:42.000 Look at that.

02:30:43.000 If that was on a spaceship, etched into the side of the spaceship, you'd be like, holy shit, it's a fucking alien language.

02:30:48.000 Look, I mean, I don't know what any of those things are.

02:30:50.000 I don't know what one of those numbers is.

02:30:52.000 I don't know what the fuck those words are, those letters.

02:30:55.000 That's an alien language.

02:30:57.000 That's, to me, almost more alien than a lot of Asian languages. 0.99

02:31:01.000 That looks crazy.

02:31:03.000 Well, that's a reason to kind of doubt that somebody's translating it right.

02:31:08.000 It's just like, oh, you looked at that gibberish and you saw that. 1.00

02:31:11.000 Well, scholars, you know, the whole thing with that is that these ancient, ancient, ancient languages, like all these stories came from these ancient languages.

02:31:20.000 Like if you go way, way, way back to ancient Somer, like the Epic of Gilgamesh, there's all these Noah's Ark similarities.

02:31:27.000 There's a lot of stuff in all these ancient stories.

02:31:29.000 It's all probably points to some real shit that happened.

02:31:33.000 For sure.

02:31:34.000 But along the way, just like what you're talking about with social justice warriors and how they behave like it's a religion, there's like a natural compulsion for people to be on a group and have that group have a very clear.

02:31:46.000 They have to work their way up to atheism if they want it, because that's like almost a luxury, I think.

02:31:50.000 Yeah, I think you're right.

02:31:51.000 And I don't know how to just, but I'll tell you what, I will say with the DMT shit, I did get like more of a, oh yeah, there's more than something else there.

02:32:04.000 And it's crazy.

02:32:06.000 Because, you know, I read about that shit in high school.

02:32:09.000 I read some work about that guy that is the big DMT guy.

02:32:12.000 Terrence McKenna?

02:32:13.000 Yeah, because I think he projects a lot of his own horse shit into it.

02:32:16.000 That stuff, the feeling.

02:32:17.000 That mechanic does or the.

02:32:27.000 Yes.

02:32:28.000 And that is such, there's something so terrifying about that, but it's also like, wow, that's great.

02:32:32.000 And you just, you feel like there has to be, just based on the shit you would see.

02:32:38.000 Even if it's just shit in your head, you're like, why would that even be in my head?

02:32:41.000 It's entirely possible that whatever the fuck consciousness is can pass from this stage into another stage.

02:32:47.000 And the only reason why I would hesitate to say that's exactly what happens is because there's no proof one way or another.

02:32:53.000 But it's not.

02:32:54.000 See, all that pineal gland shit is not proven.

02:32:56.000 They don't know that DMT comes from the bottom of the street.

02:32:58.000 They can't handle it anymore.

02:32:59.000 They do now.

02:33:00.000 Yeah, they do now.

02:33:01.000 Yeah, the Cottonwood Research Foundation, they did a series of tests with rats, and they proved that live rats have DMT produced by the pineal gland.

02:33:10.000 Now it doesn't necessarily mean that humans do too, but they're pretty sure they do.

02:33:13.000 Did you like that?

02:33:14.000 They also know that your lungs produce it and your liver produces it.

02:33:17.000 That's a fact.

02:33:18.000 Really?

02:33:18.000 Yeah.

02:33:18.000 So your body's producing DMT, 100%.

02:33:21.000 Did you know that, or did you like those H.P. Lovecraft kind of horror stories?

02:33:25.000 Oh, I love those things.

02:33:26.000 And there's a movie made out of one of them.

02:33:27.000 It's all about his pineal gland.

02:33:29.000 He's taking something that makes his pineal gland swell up.

02:33:31.000 Which one is that?

02:33:31.000 What movie is that?

02:33:32.000 It stars the guy from Reanimator.

02:33:35.000 It's not Reanimator.

02:33:38.000 I'm feeling it now.

02:33:39.000 I kind of remember what you're talking about.

02:33:41.000 But I'll tell you the creepy, the thing is DMT has the creepy.

02:33:43.000 I saw it the creepy because that's totally worth doing.

02:33:46.000 But the thing that's, you know, whatever, people say they meet entities, right?

02:33:50.000 But I don't know if that shit is meeting entity.

02:33:52.000 But I'll tell you the thing that just sticks with me that I'm like, how in the fuck is that possible is the shapes that I could see were, I was well aware that they were a bit more than three-dimensional shapes.

02:34:04.000 And it's so crazy to look at that and perceive it.

02:34:07.000 And I'm like, how on earth could I perceive this shape?

02:34:10.000 And when I can't, and you can't come back with it.

02:34:12.000 Like, you know what I'm saying?

02:34:13.000 But you know how you see it, though, in someone's art?

02:34:15.000 Like, have you ever seen Alex Gray's art?

02:34:17.000 Yeah, that's awesome.

02:34:18.000 You haven't seen it?

02:34:18.000 No.

02:34:19.000 No, it isn't.

02:34:20.000 Pull up Alex Gray.

02:34:21.000 He's a psychedelic artist.

02:34:22.000 I mean, all of his stuff is basically tryptamine-based art.

02:34:25.000 Is it going to not fit?

02:34:27.000 Because sometimes it's a fair thing.

02:34:28.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

02:34:29.000 He's brilliant.

02:34:30.000 His stuff's fucking amazing.

02:34:31.000 Because that is something.

02:34:32.000 His stuff's fucking amazing.

02:34:33.000 Oh, yeah, that thing. 0.55

02:34:34.000 For tools.

02:34:35.000 That's one of them.

02:34:36.000 But yeah, he draws the covers for Tool albums.

02:34:39.000 There's a ton of them, like that one.

02:34:40.000 That one in specific.

02:34:41.000 That is DMT.

02:34:42.000 That's DM.

02:34:43.000 That's DMT.

02:34:44.000 That is DMT.

02:34:45.000 Wow, that is hardcore DMT.

02:34:46.000 Hardcore DMT.

02:34:47.000 When you do DMT, you see that.

02:34:49.000 And you see that in a way where it's so much more spectacular than anything you ever see under normal consciousness.

02:34:56.000 Is your body there?

02:34:58.000 It's not a body thing.

02:34:59.000 You're not thinking about yourself.

02:35:00.000 But you're yourself close.

02:35:01.000 I mean, I'm myself.

02:35:02.000 Like, you look around.

02:35:02.000 Yeah, you're yourself.

02:35:04.000 Dude, if you open your eyes.

02:35:05.000 Here's what's crazy.

02:35:06.000 So if you close your eyes, it's like they're open somewhere else.

02:35:10.000 And then when you open your eyes, you see reality overlaid over this.

02:35:14.000 Tell me this one didn't influence the Egyptians. 0.98

02:35:16.000 Click on the one your cursor's on.

02:35:17.000 No, I. Tell me that didn't influence the Egyptians. 0.94

02:35:20.000 What, this painting?

02:35:21.000 No, these kind of tripped me.

02:35:22.000 Well, did they have images?

02:35:24.000 Did they have DMT?

02:35:25.000 100%.

02:35:26.000 Yeah, there was one of the things that John Anthony West did was he was going over the Temple in Man.

02:35:32.000 The Temple in Man is one of the structures.

02:35:33.000 It's in Egypt.

02:35:37.000 And it shows different parts of it are supposed to represent different corridors of the body, like different chakras of the body.

02:35:44.000 And that there was some evidence that the eye of Horus is really the pineal gland.

02:35:50.000 Oh, really?

02:35:50.000 And that's what that symbol is.

02:35:52.000 Like, see if Google pineal gland, eye of Horus.

02:35:58.000 They think that They're so similar in the way they're shaped.

02:36:02.000 It's entirely possible that that's what that.

02:36:04.000 It's a very alternative thing.

02:36:06.000 But look how it looks, how the thing looks on the right, the actual pineal gland, and look at the eye on the left.

02:36:11.000 Whoa.

02:36:11.000 Yeah.

02:36:12.000 See that wing off the side and the way it drops down right from the eyeball?

02:36:16.000 Boy, that's fucking similar.

02:36:19.000 It's entirely possible that they figured that out somewhere along the line, that through yogic breathing methods or some sort of psychedelic drugs they found, that they were achieving a hallucinogenic state, and they were able to somehow or another isolate where that state is being initiated.

02:36:37.000 And if it's being initiated endogenously by your body, like through psychedelic breathing, that's probably where it's being produced.

02:36:43.000 Now listen, I don't want to sound like an Amos Schumer defender, but that looked coincidental to me.

02:36:48.000 It could be.

02:36:49.000 Parallels.

02:36:50.000 It could be.

02:36:50.000 I think certain patterns were close over and over again.

02:36:53.000 But that pattern is pretty fucking close.

02:36:56.000 It might be coincidental.

02:36:56.000 You might be right.

02:36:58.000 But the fact that a straight line drops down right before the eye showed again, the straight line drops down right below the eye showed it.

02:37:03.000 But they didn't know what the fucking brain did in Egypt. 0.69

02:37:05.000 That's the thing.

02:37:06.000 They did surgery on people in Egypt.

02:37:08.000 Look at this thing on the right.

02:37:08.000 Yep, but I see it.

02:37:10.000 First of all, I thought Egypt thought the mind was in the heart, and that's why they pulled the useless brain out through the nose when they mummified you. 1.00

02:37:18.000 They only know their intent.

02:37:19.000 You know what I mean?

02:37:20.000 Because the embalming techniques.

02:37:22.000 Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean they didn't respect the brain.

02:37:23.000 The brain kept.

02:37:24.000 No, they didn't think.

02:37:25.000 Look, they didn't know everything about the human body the way it was.

02:37:29.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:37:30.000 Why don't they attach significance to something in the brain if they don't think that's?

02:37:32.000 Because I think through psychedelic drugs.

02:37:34.000 I think when they were doing these heavy psychedelic drugs, which by the way, were absolutely being used by then.

02:37:39.000 By tons of people, but that I could believe.

02:37:42.000 Listen, dude, this is the thing where it really blew my mind because I was looking at the business.

02:37:46.000 You don't want to even believe rumors.

02:37:47.000 That's what's going on.

02:37:48.000 Again, no, I saw, do you ever look at somebody while you're on DMT at the smoke it?

02:37:53.000 No, I've always kept my eyes closed.

02:37:54.000 Okay, well, wow, two times close my eyes, and one time open my eyes and look at somebody, and they had six arms like a Hindu? 0.99

02:38:01.000 Yeah, somebody else just was just saying that.

02:38:02.000 I might have been telling you this at the comedy store.

02:38:06.000 What it is, is your time perception gets broken down.

02:38:09.000 And that's the craziness.

02:38:10.000 And so then motion looks like six arms.

02:38:13.000 Like Shiva.

02:38:14.000 Yeah, it looked like a Hindu thing.

02:38:15.000 And I'm like, wow, I imagine being on that stuff and you see something.

02:38:18.000 I mean, that looked to me so much like a vision from DMT, those six-arm kind of guys.

02:38:23.000 Dude, I collect that kind of art, like Buddhas and shit like that, like this kind of shit.

02:38:28.000 Because I saw this.

02:38:29.000 I saw this image, this exact image.

02:38:32.000 I mean, this has a third eye and everything.

02:38:35.000 The sculptor made this for me.

02:38:36.000 I don't remember his name.

02:38:37.000 Yeah, I wish I could remember it right now, but I don't.

02:38:40.000 But yeah, sculptor made that for me based on this vision that I had high on DMT.

02:38:45.000 I saw an infinite number of those.

02:38:47.000 Really?

02:38:47.000 I saw one hovering here, and then in every direction out from him, there was an infinite number of those, and they were all hovering and vibrating around me.

02:38:56.000 So it's like fractal.

02:38:57.000 It's 100% fractal.

02:38:57.000 Is it like fractal?

02:38:58.000 What do you think?

02:38:59.000 Geometric.

02:39:00.000 What do you think?

02:39:01.000 What do you think?

02:39:02.000 Having done it, what do you think now of DMT after, you know, I think I saw just a couple things, but I don't know how long ago they were of you talking about it with people.

02:39:13.000 But what's your opinion of it now as like, you know, what you're seeing?

02:39:18.000 Well, it could be anything.

02:39:19.000 I mean, it definitely could be some sort of an insane hijacking of your sensory nervous system, and it produces this spectacular psychedelic effect that's so profound, this hallucinogenic effect that's so profound that it literally is like a transcendent experience and changes your life.

02:39:37.000 It's totally possible that it's just a chemical thing.

02:39:42.000 But what's also possible is that life itself, that whatever the fuck life is, and especially whatever the fuck intelligent life is, is not understood.

02:39:48.000 What consciousness is, is not understood.

02:39:50.000 And this idea that things can only exist in this realm, that's not proven.

02:39:55.000 Also the fact that when those quantum physicist guys start breaking down the nature of reality and they come up with, I don't know how the fuck they do this, I'm just talking on my ass, but they come up with the idea that there's 11 dimensions.

02:40:06.000 Right.

02:40:07.000 And that they literally, I mean, and this is all changing and constantly evolving and moving and they're constantly adding to this.

02:40:13.000 It is entirely possible that there's a bunch of other shit that's around us all the time that's just not here and we don't have access to it.

02:40:20.000 And when you do DMT, you go into that other place.

02:40:24.000 That's entirely fucking unsettling, dude.

02:40:26.000 It's like, it's not like you're going.

02:40:28.000 It's like the shit's here.

02:40:29.000 Well, that's why you, as a skeptic, it's very important to hear from you.

02:40:33.000 Like a guy like that.

02:40:34.000 I'll tell you what, because I drew a shitty diagram of it.

02:40:37.000 But this is what it feels like if you ever do it.

02:40:40.000 Like, this little point, let's say this little point is you.

02:40:42.000 This is what I felt like.

02:40:43.000 And these lines I drew, that's like space time.

02:40:46.000 And you're at this little point that gets stabbed into space-time.

02:40:48.000 And all this shit, this is all the shit that makes you.

02:40:51.000 Like, it forms a point.

02:40:52.000 It's like closing your eyes and looking at all of this shit that's being a cross-section of your being.

02:40:58.000 Like everything being focused into making, if you could, like, just reverse look at it, it feels like that.

02:41:03.000 I always feel like it's lessons.

02:41:05.000 I always feel like it's lessons.

02:41:06.000 I always feel like it's time to go to school.

02:41:08.000 Sit down, sit down.

02:41:09.000 Here's what's going on.

02:41:10.000 One of the last ones, more profound ones, was a bunch of gestures that were all giving me the finger.

02:41:15.000 They were all circled around me, like, give me the finger.

02:41:15.000 Really?

02:41:17.000 Like, who named you?

02:41:19.000 That was your Twitter.

02:41:20.000 I'm trying to teach you about Twitter.

02:41:20.000 No, you know what I'm saying?

02:41:21.000 It's teaching, if you're tense, if you're tense, reacting negatively to this jester giving you the finger.

02:41:29.000 Like, how do you feel of yourself?

02:41:31.000 Are you in constant defensive mode?

02:41:33.000 And then when I sort of relaxed myself, they started wagging their finger back and forth like, yep, that's it.

02:41:39.000 That's it.

02:41:40.000 That's cool.

02:41:40.000 Very, very strange.

02:41:43.000 These things that you see but you can't define are constantly changing.

02:41:47.000 So if you try to like say, oh, it looked like a gesture, it probably did for a few seconds.

02:41:52.000 For a few seconds, it looked like a gesture, and then it imploded and became stars, and then it sucked in and became geometric patterns, and then became neon-colored worms that were making love to each other in a giant infinite bundle of yarn.

02:42:05.000 Like it becomes weirder and weirder shit all the time.

02:42:07.000 Is it hard to remember when you're done?

02:42:09.000 It's almost impossible.

02:42:10.000 Even me saying it, I'm kind of full of shit.

02:42:12.000 I'm kind of full of shit because I don't totally remember what I saw.

02:42:15.000 I remember what I remember to write down.

02:42:17.000 I remember what I repeated.

02:42:18.000 So I'm like going back on like my repeated versions of what I saw.

02:42:23.000 But I just, I remember like flashes of the intense, profound nature of the experience.

02:42:28.000 Is there emotions to it?

02:42:29.000 Like it's unraveling.

02:42:31.000 And when I came out of it the first time, I did this on New Year's the first time I did it.

02:42:36.000 And I fucking, I guess I was like weeping, but when I came out of it, because you just suddenly are awake, and I was so out of it, it was like not, I went from weeping to like, oh, hey, what's up?

02:42:46.000 Like, because I've been staring at some crazy thing that would look so beautiful to me.

02:42:51.000 But it was like coming out of a dream, I guess, almost.

02:42:54.000 What's that McKenna quote that I think what I'd be scared of is unearned wisdom?

02:42:58.000 I think McKenna said something like, be wary of unearned wisdom, where I don't know if I can handle looking at something that intense.

02:43:05.000 I was really in a low feeling state when I did it, and I didn't give a fuck, so I wanted to do it.

02:43:11.000 You pick up Slack, you know, that unearned wisdom thing.

02:43:14.000 I think I know what he's saying, and I think there's a real problem with people acting profound when they just learned something an hour ago.

02:43:22.000 He's saying I'm not a shaman?

02:43:24.000 No.

02:43:25.000 Are you not a qualified shaman?

02:43:26.000 There's a thing that people enjoy doing, and it's like jizzing out their knowledge.

02:43:33.000 Yeah.

02:43:33.000 You know, and a lot of that is unearned knowledge.

02:43:36.000 Like, there's a lot of people that don't really have a full, including me.

02:43:40.000 My mind balls are so full.

02:43:42.000 I'm not having a full understanding of the topic at hand.

02:43:46.000 You just jizz it out.

02:43:47.000 Yeah, jizz it, man.

02:43:49.000 But you, look, for sure, you learned a lot about yourself when you do those experiences.

02:43:52.000 I learned a lot about myself.

02:43:54.000 Learned a lot about how I interact with people.

02:43:56.000 I saw negative thoughts like expressed as like this dark green and black, like twisted sort of pattern.

02:44:04.000 And then when my thoughts went positive, it blossomed like the most beautiful flowers you can imagine.

02:44:09.000 It was crazy.

02:44:10.000 It was a lesson in thinking toxically.

02:44:15.000 And this is probably like 2008-ish, somewhere around then.

02:44:19.000 That was this particular experience that literally changed who I am.

02:44:24.000 Literally changed how I talk to people.

02:44:26.000 Literally changed how I feel about people.

02:44:28.000 Watching a negative thought being expressed is this dark pattern.

02:44:32.000 And then the positive thought just, I just let it go.

02:44:34.000 Like, oh, I see, I see.

02:44:35.000 I'm doing it to myself.

02:44:36.000 And then boom.

02:44:36.000 Right.

02:44:37.000 And then you just relax and enjoy.

02:44:39.000 Like, this is so beautiful.

02:44:40.000 And because you're looking at something so beautiful, that feeling of seeing beauty makes it more beautiful.

02:44:45.000 And it's just getting more.

02:44:46.000 And like tears are rolling down my eyes.

02:44:48.000 It was a stunning, stunning experience.

02:44:49.000 Dude, I honestly God, it's easier to do that now besides that, but I know what you mean.

02:44:54.000 I wish I could remember seeing it, though.

02:44:56.000 I remember it happened, and I remember the dark green and black, but it's so, I remember so little of what I actually saw.

02:45:03.000 It's a total recreation in my mind, which is a real problem with memory.

02:45:07.000 It's a real problem with regular memory.

02:45:09.000 Forget about something as spectacularly unique and odd as a psychedelic experience.

02:45:13.000 But just regular memory.

02:45:14.000 I mean, I try to think of what I did yesterday.

02:45:16.000 I know what I did.

02:45:17.000 Did you ever get the information?

02:45:19.000 Like, the last time I did it, this is what really blew me away is because my groph was saying, I was going, I won't forget.

02:45:25.000 And by the way, I forgot immediately.

02:45:26.000 It's like a joke.

02:45:27.000 When you think of a joke, you have to write it down.

02:45:29.000 You're supposed to talk into a microphone.

02:45:31.000 Like, talk into a recorder right away when you get out.

02:45:34.000 And then try to decipher that.

02:45:36.000 Let's say I feel like I can't talk.

02:45:38.000 I mean, usually I feel like I can't talk.

02:45:39.000 As soon as you can, though, what you should do is just use the voice app on your phone.

02:45:42.000 And as soon as you can talk, hit record and just ramble.

02:45:46.000 First of all, you're going to go, oh my God, I'm a fucking moron.

02:45:49.000 If you're sober, it's going to sound so stupid.

02:45:52.000 That's my favorite, like ayahuasca.

02:45:53.000 It's an inner journey and battle.

02:45:55.000 Yeah, on the inside.

02:45:56.000 On the outside, you're just puking and projectile shit at you.

02:45:59.000 Gibbering like an idiot.

02:46:00.000 That's a metaphor for Twitter.

02:46:02.000 There should be a way to get it.

02:46:03.000 No, but Twitter, not being on that shit, like, not being on fucking social media, the level.

02:46:09.000 Because at one point, I remember I would read like salon.com to fucking be annoyed.

02:46:15.000 I didn't notice it.

02:46:17.000 You were doing it on purpose?

02:46:18.000 You're seeing it.

02:46:19.000 I didn't realize how much I was like, am I like, it's like a conflict addiction and it becomes like some weird rush that people get.

02:46:27.000 Chernomasochism?

02:46:28.000 No, it's just a fucking thing of, especially if you have a manic kind of personality, it's easy to get.

02:46:28.000 Yeah.

02:46:34.000 Cortisol.

02:46:34.000 It's why I guess.

02:46:35.000 This is why you two share.

02:46:37.000 You share this.

02:46:38.000 You've overcome this.

02:46:39.000 He's in the grips of it.

02:46:40.000 He's in the grips of doing battle every day.

02:46:42.000 He puts on his photo.

02:46:43.000 Dude, it's ridiculous.

02:46:44.000 I can't believe.

02:46:45.000 I mean, the amount of energy that I would spend on there.

02:46:48.000 But I'm not saying don't put whatever you want.

02:46:50.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:46:51.000 Listen, post shit on Twitter, but don't look.

02:46:52.000 Who gives a shit what anybody says?

02:46:54.000 You've had issues with it.

02:46:54.000 But he has.

02:46:56.000 You and I talked about it where you would get in these Twitter beefs and you wouldn't be able to sleep.

02:47:00.000 It's the same thing that a Dixie at a gambling is actually losing. 0.84

02:47:00.000 That's cortisol. 0.84

02:47:03.000 Dude, I don't.

02:47:04.000 I can't.

02:47:04.000 Yeah.

02:47:05.000 That's not a smart thing to do with your time.

02:47:07.000 I can't see why that would be good for you.

02:47:10.000 I know you think you come up with material sometimes, with battling out with people.

02:47:14.000 I thought I was working.

02:47:15.000 If I did DMT, it would show me how to like this.

02:47:17.000 Yeah, it would show you like use Twitter to represent who you are.

02:47:21.000 It's just fucking hard to represent who you are.

02:47:23.000 It's hard in print.

02:47:24.000 It's very hard.

02:47:25.000 Especially me because my tone is so key with jokes.

02:47:25.000 It is.

02:47:28.000 And most people.

02:47:28.000 Yes.

02:47:29.000 With most people it is.

02:47:30.000 It's not like you're copywriting jokes going on there.

02:47:32.000 I promote where I'm going to be.

02:47:34.000 Make people fucking buy a ticket if they want to hear your little inside thoughts. 0.82

02:47:37.000 Someone's angry.

02:47:38.000 Dude, I can't believe what an idiot I was.

02:47:38.000 Yeah, man.

02:47:40.000 He's coming strong.

02:47:41.000 I thought it was like I was working.

02:47:43.000 I remember my ex would be like, will you fucking get off fucking Facebook?

02:47:47.000 I'm like, this is my job.

02:47:48.000 Okay.

02:47:48.000 Oh, wow.

02:47:49.000 Like in my head, that's like productive.

02:47:51.000 And see, sometimes I do write with it though.

02:47:54.000 Sure.

02:47:54.000 Like I will go through my Twitter and just be like, okay, what are the.

02:47:57.000 It's not copyrighted just so you know.

02:47:59.000 And also.

02:48:00.000 Yeah.

02:48:01.000 Also, you're just given people become accustomed.

02:48:05.000 See, all this inside baseball shit they do with stand up is making civilians. 0.63

02:48:10.000 Like you never heard that inside baseball?

02:48:10.000 What does that mean?

02:48:12.000 Like the insiders terms?

02:48:14.000 No.

02:48:14.000 What do you mean?

02:48:15.000 I was working on a pilot.

02:48:16.000 They go, we need more inside baseball.

02:48:18.000 Like Pete Holmes'show on HBO is about being a stand up.

02:48:23.000 So it's like an insiders.

02:48:24.000 Right.

02:48:26.000 Like that's how it's put out.

02:48:27.000 Which I'm against this showing the process shit everybody does.

02:48:27.000 Right.

02:48:31.000 And that's what I would do on.

02:48:32.000 I looked at Facebook almost like a diet.

02:48:33.000 Like I'm showing you.

02:48:35.000 I would go very clearly.

02:48:36.000 Nine out of 10 of these will suck.

02:48:38.000 Okay.

02:48:39.000 Not be worth reading at all.

02:48:40.000 And one in 10 will be funny maybe.

02:48:41.000 But you're not paying me for this.

02:48:43.000 So I'm just allowing you to see my process.

02:48:46.000 You know what I mean?

02:48:46.000 I'm thinking like it's a diary.

02:48:48.000 But you don't put your diary.

02:49:01.000 So you're like, how is this nothing writing about Dave Chappelle's hour that it's ho-hum?

02:49:06.000 Because I was reading some dickhead writing by Chappelle.

02:49:08.000 I'm like, where do you get the balls?

02:49:10.000 And it's because they're being made to feel like an insider.

02:49:13.000 The same as Trump is like an everyman fucking dip shit, you know, Joe fucking bag of donuts, like Dom Marrero called him.

02:49:21.000 That guy's like, yeah, guy like me that talks like me.

02:49:24.000 Do it.

02:49:24.000 Finally.

02:49:25.000 Everybody's about that now.

02:49:27.000 They hate like an elite or an expert.

02:49:30.000 A lot of experts have lied to people over the years.

02:49:32.000 We went on several terms.

02:49:35.000 Let's bring it back to the people that are writing.

02:49:38.000 So these people that are writing these things, a lot of them, they're in their 20s, and we would all have done the same thing, the exact same thing.

02:49:43.000 When you're in your 20s, I thought 22 years old.

02:49:45.000 That's right.

02:49:46.000 Yeah, you thought just like that.

02:49:47.000 When you were a writer, hold on.

02:49:48.000 When you were a writer, and if you were writing a blog for some sort of online publication and you decided to take an angle, this Dave Spell special is not that big a deal.

02:49:59.000 And then just go run with that. 0.61

02:50:01.000 You would probably do the exact fucking same thing.

02:50:03.000 There's a lot of people that do that.

02:50:04.000 Well, no, if I was a reviewer, like I told you, I'm a sucker.

02:50:06.000 So I would review it and say what I thought about the hour.

02:50:09.000 Right.

02:50:10.000 So that's not what's done.

02:50:11.000 And I know for a fact that's not how these people do it.

02:50:13.000 If you talk to them, they go, I got to say I don't like somebody's because I like them.

02:50:16.000 They have a political reason.

02:50:18.000 Right.

02:50:18.000 Yeah.

02:50:19.000 It's insane.

02:50:20.000 It's not, nothing is based on funny.

02:50:22.000 I mean, it was always like that, but now there's an added political element of not funny.

02:50:25.000 There's a whole la-la-land section of it.

02:50:29.000 There's a whole section where up is down and right is left and whatever the fuck you say becomes doctrine.

02:50:35.000 Well, people like to make Dane Cook a punchline that I haven't, and half the people that would do that, they haven't made me laugh even a little as much as Dane Cook.

02:50:42.000 So I'm wondering how it's like, it's a free shot.

02:50:44.000 It's like Caratop.

02:50:46.000 People who take a free shot at Caratop.

02:50:48.000 I don't even see these fucking punk millennials now doing the work of a Carrotop. 0.98

02:50:51.000 It's like he made props.

02:50:53.000 He built those props.

02:50:54.000 Yeah, Caratop is a funny guy.

02:50:55.000 He's funny.

02:50:56.000 Like, he's a good comic.

02:50:58.000 Like, if you go see a show, it's a silly, funny show.

02:51:00.000 But it has punchlines.

02:51:02.000 think they literally...

02:51:03.000 There's a new kind of comedy that doesn't have...

02:51:05.000 Set a punchline is not only...

02:51:08.000 Dude, it's post-modern.

02:51:09.000 That is the building block of the universe.

02:51:11.000 You think that you could...

02:51:13.000 Everything is coming.

02:51:14.000 It's postmodern comedy.

02:51:15.000 Well, you know what it is.

02:51:16.000 It's people that aren't good at it.

02:51:17.000 Right.

02:51:18.000 That's the new way.

02:51:18.000 They are in the press.

02:51:19.000 They're like, I'm funny.

02:51:20.000 Every shitty activist, by the way, will tell you they're a comedian.

02:51:23.000 But here's the thing.

02:51:24.000 Every single one of them.

02:51:24.000 If they like that style and they go, it's like someone saying to a jazz guitarist, dude, you can't play for shit because you can't play like Hendrix.

02:51:34.000 You know, but they don't want to.

02:51:34.000 Right.

02:51:36.000 They want to do this.

02:51:37.000 And I understand that, dude, I understand not.

02:51:40.000 Because I don't appreciate music or whatever, how I should appreciate it.

02:51:42.000 I totally get that.

02:51:43.000 But I don't think I could just walk and play guitar.

02:51:47.000 But it's now a different genre, though, because the whole thing is, according to me, it's all the lowercase I generation, like right out of Apple products.

02:51:53.000 Well, there's also an applied snobbishness where the people that are not doing the punchlines feel like what they're doing is somehow or another better than someone who does classic setup punchline sort of joke writing.

02:52:05.000 And that's ridiculous.

02:52:06.000 It's ridiculous because it's not better or worse.

02:52:08.000 And, you know, you don't get brownie points just because you're eclectic.

02:52:12.000 Just because you didn't know your alternative shit was old Steve Martin bits.

02:52:16.000 Well, Dennis Miller.

02:52:17.000 It's where it gets really funny.

02:52:19.000 Like Dennis Miller.

02:52:20.000 Dennis Miller was super alt in a lot of ways.

02:52:22.000 So he's like, he would be telling these setup punchlines about shit that you definitely didn't know what the fuck he was talking about.

02:52:28.000 And you would laugh anyway because you didn't want to be thought of as stupid.

02:52:31.000 There was a bunch of people that laughed at Dennis Miller's jokes.

02:52:33.000 They didn't have a fucking clue as to what he was saying.

02:52:36.000 Mark Twain did that.

02:52:37.000 Mark Twain had cancer.

02:52:39.000 No, Mark joke cancer.

02:52:40.000 Because Mark Twain wrote a whole book as a joke.

02:52:43.000 Which book was that?

02:52:44.000 I can't remember.

02:52:45.000 I remember this.

02:52:45.000 But I remember it was like having everybody review it and stuff, like it was real, and he was just laughing his ass off.

02:52:51.000 I mean, if you write the book, is it a joke at that point?

02:52:54.000 It just sounds like you wrote a book.

02:52:55.000 It's almost like you bang a guy as a joke.

02:52:57.000 Put in the effort.

02:52:59.000 You wrote it as a satire, and people took it as fact.

02:53:02.000 And it's like postmodern comedy.

02:53:03.000 That was one of my first jokes in college was, knock, knock, who's there?

02:53:07.000 Pineapple, who are you to say what funny is?

02:53:09.000 Oh, God.

02:53:11.000 Because it's true.

02:53:11.000 It's like a dot in a painting.

02:53:14.000 It's like childhood.

02:53:15.000 Tell me.

02:53:16.000 Listen, if you paid to see me, you can determine if I did my job or not.

02:53:20.000 Well, you have your take on it, and people have their take on it.

02:53:23.000 But there's certain guys that, you know, they're just funny.

02:53:26.000 Right.

02:53:27.000 And you could say, like, someone's saying, okay, like, perfect example, set up punchline.

02:53:31.000 Mitch Hedberg, if you say that's not funny, fuck you.

02:53:34.000 Yeah, you're lying.

02:53:35.000 Just fuck you. 1.00

02:53:36.000 Okay.

02:53:36.000 Right.

02:53:37.000 Because he's clever.

02:53:38.000 It's set up.

02:53:39.000 weird.

02:53:40.000 It's like, I mean, it's sort of classic funny.

02:53:43.000 it's usually for reasons outside of the, I've heard people say, like, I don't like a guy that sounds Jewy.

02:53:59.000 I'm like, okay, well, you had a fair, that's a fair critique.

02:54:02.000 Sure, but that's the case with music, too, right?

02:54:04.000 Like, you might not like Bob Dylan's voice.

02:54:06.000 Like, ew, I don't want to hear it.

02:54:08.000 And that's a legit concern.

02:54:09.000 That's a legit concern.

02:54:11.000 Dude, everybody can have their thing.

02:54:12.000 I got no issue with that.

02:54:13.000 Because comedy's not just what you're saying.

02:54:15.000 It's how you're saying it and how it sounds to people.

02:54:18.000 But why do you need to destroy?

02:54:19.000 See, this is why I understand, like, if you don't like somebody's fucking comment, it's fine.

02:54:23.000 But they're not.

02:54:24.000 Don't people agree with bands, though?

02:54:25.000 There's groups now that need to destroy.

02:54:27.000 They're like, but I can't trust for you to enjoy it because I don't know how.

02:54:31.000 You know, people want to take it.

02:54:32.000 Okay, but how is it different than shitting on people who like Nickelback?

02:54:35.000 It's kind of sad.

02:54:36.000 I don't shit on people who like Nickelback.

02:54:38.000 Well, you're a beautiful person.

02:54:39.000 But isn't that a real thing?

02:54:41.000 That's a real thing.

02:54:42.000 Well, it's cool.

02:54:42.000 It's kind of the same thing.

02:54:43.000 It's it's like we just decide.

02:54:44.000 Doesn't happen, but Louis, like, I just was pretending to enjoy the show.

02:54:48.000 You see people writing shit.

02:54:50.000 I'm like, are you bragging that you were that weak of a person that you were just going with a crowd and like a thing you didn't enjoy?

02:54:56.000 They're trying to hurt your feelings, and I think you know that as well as I do.

02:54:58.000 No, no, I know that.

02:54:58.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:54:59.000 I'm just reading that it's nonsense.

02:55:01.000 You're arguing with a nonsense person.

02:55:03.000 That's why don't go on social media, dude.

02:55:06.000 He just has these arguments with people that aren't even in his room.

02:55:08.000 He's like, and you fucking say to me that I'm the hitler, you don't even understand what I'm talking about.

02:55:13.000 You're not even aware of it.

02:55:14.000 I'm not saying it, bro.

02:55:15.000 I haven't had to argue with anybody.

02:55:16.000 This is my point.

02:55:17.000 I don't say, I read the shit and go, nothing.

02:55:20.000 Like, I save it for the Rogan Show, is what I'm saying.

02:55:22.000 But beautiful.

02:55:23.000 That's the way to go.

02:55:24.000 I say bring it to the Rogan show.

02:55:26.000 That's always a good move.

02:55:27.000 I love it.

02:55:27.000 I just listen.

02:55:29.000 It's fun as long as you don't get too caught up in it.

02:55:31.000 But the reality is, I had a friend who got into something online and it went sideways.

02:55:38.000 And my advice was, okay, you know what happens when it goes sideways, right?

02:55:44.000 So if there's a situation where you feel like it's going sideways and a bunch of people are going to attack you for no reason, step away.

02:55:49.000 Just step away.

02:55:50.000 Because if you engage, you are essentially trusting your emotional state to a bunch of people that have no concern for your well-being.

02:55:58.000 Like they want to attack you and hurt your feelings.

02:56:00.000 You're not going to plead it down to like, well, I was mildly upset with you.

02:56:05.000 Now they have this idea and you are the target.

02:56:07.000 And you, as a person who's in the public eye, as a celebrity, you know, this person is, you're thought of as someone who already has like some extra privilege.

02:56:18.000 You're thought of as someone who's already already stealing something from the rest of us.

02:56:22.000 You already get some easy free ride because of your talent or your notoriety or whatever the fuck it is.

02:56:27.000 So they feel like there's extra license to fuck with you.

02:56:31.000 Yeah, I've been guilty of that too, where I feel like someone's so big and powerful.

02:56:34.000 Like Jesselmeck.

02:56:35.000 Ah!

02:56:35.000 I'm not talking to...

02:56:39.000 I do see him as successful enough where in my mind I'm like, I'm not even engaging with a person.

02:56:44.000 It's like, I don't know.

02:56:46.000 I want you to send all your tweets to me first before you tweet.

02:56:48.000 I should have a delay.

02:56:50.000 You send them to me.

02:56:50.000 This is a delay.

02:56:52.000 I'll stop giving you the thumbs up or the thumbs down.

02:56:52.000 I'll use the delay.

02:56:54.000 No more tweeting.

02:56:55.000 Just text me.

02:56:56.000 I used to just send shit to Barry Crimmons directly for a while.

02:57:00.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:57:01.000 What I'm saying.

02:57:01.000 Same thing.

02:57:02.000 I give him power of attorney over whatever I want.

02:57:04.000 Only he has my password.

02:57:06.000 I don't even have to.

02:57:07.000 Listen, we're friends.

02:57:08.000 I don't want your password, but I do want you to send all your tweets to me first.

02:57:12.000 We should seriously try that.

02:57:13.000 That'd be so fun.

02:57:15.000 Well, let me tell you something about Barry because Barry was responsible for the environment I came up in.

02:57:20.000 I came up in Boston.

02:57:21.000 Barry Crimmon.

02:57:22.000 That's right.

02:57:22.000 He created that.

02:57:23.000 He didn't just create it.

02:57:24.000 He set a tone.

02:57:25.000 He said a no hacks, good writing, no thieves.

02:57:29.000 He set a tone.

02:57:31.000 And that tone was fucking rock solid.

02:57:34.000 And they were all these big fucking men.

02:57:36.000 Like Lenny Clark is a big guy.

02:57:38.000 Kevin Knox was a big guy.

02:57:40.000 They were manly men.

02:57:41.000 They weren't like these nerdy type skinny little comedians.

02:57:46.000 They were fucking savages.

02:57:47.000 They did Coke and they were punching each other all the time.

02:57:49.000 They never played taxes.

02:57:51.000 These fucking guys were animals.

02:57:52.000 And Barry Crimmons started the whole thing off.

02:57:55.000 He was so good and so smart and so well read and so aware of what's going on in the world.

02:58:00.000 He set a tone for the entire and everyone's scared of him.

02:58:03.000 I was terrified of him.

02:58:05.000 When that guy started reaching out to me and we became friends online, it was like way after I had already been on television and everything.

02:58:10.000 I was so happy.

02:58:12.000 I was like, Barry Crimmons likes me.

02:58:14.000 Yes.

02:58:14.000 He's like, I think you're one of the good guys and I think you're a hero.

02:58:16.000 And he said, tell me all this shit.

02:58:18.000 And I'm like, yes.

02:58:19.000 To me, it was like that was the dawn of comedy.

02:58:22.000 He was the fucking main guy that started it off.

02:58:26.000 Yeah, dude.

02:58:27.000 You have that with people.

02:58:28.000 I felt that way when you wrote to me, Matt.

02:58:30.000 Oh, that's nice.

02:58:31.000 Well, I knew what you're talking about.

02:58:33.000 Barry is like terrifying.

02:58:34.000 Yeah, he was terrible.

02:58:36.000 Well, he was so smart.

02:58:38.000 He was so well-versed in politics and what was going on.

02:58:41.000 Like he dared not bring up Guatemala or Nicaragua around him. 0.99

02:58:46.000 Don't talk about the conscience of Sandinistas.

02:58:48.000 He was like the last progressive.

02:58:50.000 He was a left-wing dude.

02:58:52.000 Right, but he believed it.

02:58:53.000 And he would say there's no...

02:58:55.000 We have just reactionaries.

02:58:56.000 And that is what America is.

02:58:57.000 all reactionaries.

02:58:59.000 Nobody's...

02:59:02.000 He was a masculine progressive, like an aggressive, fuck you, masculine progressive guy who was anti-racist, anti-sexual harassment, anti-obviously anti-sex abuse because of what happened to him.

02:59:14.000 It's a protector.

02:59:15.000 He would go on stage and he would have a fucking, like a professor's jacket on.

02:59:19.000 He'd reach into it and pull out a Budweiser.

02:59:21.000 Every time he had a Budweiser in his pocket that was like half a shtick.

02:59:25.000 He drank American beer and he'd put that shit right on the counter, like right in front of you.

02:59:29.000 It was like half of like what he did was he was this guy that was sick of all this fucking nonsense around him.

02:59:38.000 And he had like this real clear intention of like, this is what's going to be tolerated.

02:59:44.000 And his act was like that too.

02:59:45.000 And you'd go to watch him, you would literally, like, he was so powerful that you would change like your political leaning.

02:59:52.000 If you were in any way, that's what I liked about him is that.

02:59:56.000 I don't mind anybody's beliefs if they're like well thought out.

02:59:59.000 There's so much of a trend of trend being devoted to something.

03:00:06.000 And it's disgusting to you.

03:00:08.000 And I'm like, when you said that privilege thing you're talking about, like where people are taking an acknowledgment of privilege.

03:00:14.000 Did anybody read?

03:00:15.000 I'll go read your scriptures when you tell me about these ideas.

03:00:18.000 So the privilege checklist.

03:00:20.000 Have you ever read that?

03:00:21.000 The Peggy McIntosh privilege.

03:00:23.000 Who's Peggy McIntosh? 1.00

03:00:24.000 The one that kicked off this fucking amazing privilege concept of white privilege based on her ideas on male privilege. 1.00

03:00:32.000 Look up what it's called the unpacking, the invisible white privilege knapsack.

03:00:32.000 Oh, yeah.

03:00:38.000 I love when they say unpacking.

03:00:39.000 I can unpack that for you.

03:00:40.000 Well, first of all, the first white privilege is you call it a knapsack.

03:00:43.000 That's step one.

03:00:44.000 But it's clearly just this rich college lady's privileges that she just decides white privilege. 1.00

03:00:51.000 She's unpacking the invisible backpack.

03:00:53.000 Now, every fucking thing that when I used to read would go, please go and educate yourself.

03:00:58.000 Look, hold on, hold on, please.

03:00:59.000 Through the work to bring materials from women's studies into the rest of the curriculum, I have often noticed men's unwillingness to grant that they are overprivileged, even though they may grant that women are disadvantaged.

03:01:12.000 It's almost like she hates women in a way. 0.97

03:01:15.000 Well, this is a weird thing.

03:01:16.000 Well, no, see, this is the thing that's very important.

03:01:19.000 This kind of person thinks that your rights are fucking privileges, okay?

03:01:24.000 So most of the list is going to be things that are your basic human right, and that if, let's say you're not getting because you're not white, you should be getting them. 0.71

03:01:31.000 It's not that I shouldn't be able to move into a neighborhood I want, it's that you should be able to also.

03:01:35.000 But they're framing it as, no, you have undue privilege, it needs to be taken away.

03:01:40.000 It's a distorted way of looking at an actual problem.

03:01:42.000 The actual problem is real racism.

03:01:44.000 The actual problem is real sexism.

03:01:46.000 But instead of looking at that, look at the people that are lucky that they're not discriminated against.

03:01:51.000 It's a real thing.

03:01:51.000 You're calling them somehow or another, that they're somehow another perpetrators.

03:01:54.000 Yeah, it's a real fat chick way of looking at life. 1.00

03:01:56.000 You son of a bitch.

03:02:00.000 It's just a real young, shitty, young meme-girl way to look at the world.

03:02:04.000 And it's ironically social.

03:02:05.000 I'm happy as long as you're not happy.

03:02:07.000 Well, there's a great quote that socialists don't love the poor, they hate the rich.

03:02:11.000 That's a good quote.

03:02:12.000 And it's also, it's also.

03:02:14.000 Well, some people, look, Barry to me was a sincere dude, and I would listen to him.

03:02:19.000 And he would give you the shirt.

03:02:20.000 That's the other thing of that scene is Barry would not really have a lot of money because he'd be paying it to the comics.

03:02:25.000 And he really was a guy that was generous, generous, generous guy.

03:02:28.000 You know what I mean?

03:02:29.000 Legitimately generous with his adoration, generous with the way he promoted other comics, generous the way he helped people.

03:02:29.000 Legitimately.

03:02:37.000 But generous, like, you know, what he did for that scene.

03:02:41.000 He made that scene.

03:02:42.000 I mean, everybody will admit that.

03:02:44.000 There was a lot of great comics back then.

03:02:46.000 I mean, there was Stephen Wright, of course.

03:02:47.000 There was a lot of great, Don Gavin, who's one of the all-time, my all-time greatest.

03:02:52.000 There was all these great guys that were in that area, but this guy had something special, and he was by far the most well-read out of all of them.

03:03:00.000 And I think abused kids have two roads.

03:03:03.000 You either want other people to hurt, or you want to protect people.

03:03:06.000 Yeah, I think you're right.

03:03:07.000 And I think that sometimes early trauma can make you just so protective of the weak where you hate when someone takes advantage of vulnerability.

03:03:15.000 Barry was just.

03:03:17.000 This is the thing, is like somebody have a fucking principle.

03:03:19.000 The Jamie Kilstein thing, I had people write, write in shit.

03:03:22.000 This is like right around the time I ceased all Facebook answers because people are like, well, I guess you're happy, Jamie.

03:03:27.000 I'm like, why would I be happy?

03:03:28.000 Right, right, right.

03:03:29.000 Do you think there's a, like, I wouldn't wish that shit on anybody.

03:03:32.000 That fucking evil shit.

03:03:34.000 He had to keep me from killing myself, Barry Crimens.

03:03:36.000 He had to talk me down.

03:03:38.000 Dude, the shit that I had coming out on me, you can't even believe.

03:03:38.000 I was going to fuck.

03:03:42.000 Okay.

03:03:44.000 And what?

03:03:46.000 I'm not fucking getting into all the particulars ever again with people that publicly.

03:03:49.000 But suffice to say Barry fucking saved my fucking life.

03:03:53.000 He saved you with perspective.

03:03:54.000 He gave you a better perspective.

03:03:56.000 Yeah, I'm lucky I talked to him.

03:03:57.000 I am because I was in a fucking bad.

03:03:59.000 And when you're ready to do it, it's like nothing.

03:04:01.000 This is my ignorance.

03:04:03.000 This is my ignorance because I thought that you were brushing it off like nothing.

03:04:06.000 Well, I was so crazy.

03:04:08.000 Dude, you can't even talk about it.

03:04:09.000 On a podcast about it.

03:04:10.000 I heard you talk on a podcast about it.

03:04:11.000 When, when?

03:04:12.000 I don't remember.

03:04:13.000 It was a long time ago.

03:04:15.000 A long time ago.

03:04:16.000 Dude, I was getting fucked in ways that I couldn't even believe.

03:04:19.000 And it was becoming maddening.

03:04:19.000 Okay.

03:04:21.000 And then it was becoming like, it was just crazy, dude.

03:04:24.000 And, you know, I still can't get, I had to go start booking me.

03:04:27.000 I mean, technically I have an agent.

03:04:29.000 I don't know where they went, but it was like off.

03:04:31.000 I was off the fucking, you know.

03:04:35.000 I had no work.

03:04:36.000 I had a job lined up that I was supposed to get that I fucking couldn't.

03:04:40.000 They took it from you.

03:04:40.000 Yeah.

03:04:41.000 I mean, I would have just taken it to work for Shay anyway because I like Mike Chey.

03:04:48.000 I couldn't believe the amount of shit for something I don't think is controversial.

03:04:52.000 But it doesn't matter.

03:04:53.000 Once it's a slow day and somebody picks it up and grabs it, I can't believe someone would bring Amy into it.

03:04:59.000 I can't believe that's a thing.

03:05:01.000 Why do you say that?

03:05:01.000 I guess they did.

03:05:02.000 That's ridiculous.

03:05:03.000 Because how did somebody work for her?

03:05:05.000 But I didn't.

03:05:06.000 There was no show.

03:05:07.000 But the show, while the show was going on, you worked for her.

03:05:10.000 Because you probably was done.

03:05:11.000 She hadn't announced it wasn't happening.

03:05:12.000 No, it's just the rape.

03:05:13.000 Stop.

03:05:14.000 But it just happened.

03:05:15.000 The show just ended.

03:05:16.000 So all that time before then, you were writing for her.

03:05:18.000 You know why they would connect you to her.

03:05:20.000 It's crazy to think you don't.

03:05:21.000 What I don't get is why that would be valid.

03:05:22.000 No, no.

03:05:23.000 I get why these fucking social jihadis do it. 0.54

03:05:26.000 I don't get why normal people validate it ever.

03:05:28.000 Normal people.

03:05:29.000 It's outrageous to validate.

03:05:31.000 What do you mean?

03:05:31.000 Normal people.

03:05:33.000 Anybody fucking going, yes, this needs to be addressed.

03:05:36.000 Amy, will you please take the floor and address this adult man that's not your child?

03:05:41.000 I think they have to do that because she's thought of as a feminist and she's thought of as a powerful woman. 1.00

03:05:46.000 Well, that's because to have a guy working for her.

03:05:48.000 I'm in the jurisdiction.

03:05:50.000 Dude, that's what the difference is.

03:05:52.000 Because Jay, I was talking about a Jay, because he's like, I never get in any.

03:05:54.000 Because we say, I'm like, I was in, now I'm in the jurisdiction of them, because I'm right These fucking people in this religion believe that's their, like, you serve at our pleasure.

03:06:07.000 Right.

03:06:07.000 Okay.

03:06:08.000 And they, and they get validated whenever someone, and all these fucking dipshit liberals, okay, because I'm a liberal, dude.

03:06:14.000 All right, I don't know if I'm like the last of a fucking whatever, but they all just pandered.

03:06:19.000 They're like, well, it's for the best.

03:06:20.000 Don't stumble your brother.

03:06:22.000 Just, yeah.

03:06:24.000 There's a lot of people that are liberals that feel the exact same way.

03:06:26.000 They don't feel like they're really liberals anymore because of the far left has taken over like this space of what you can and can't say to the point where you're like, really on the outs.

03:06:34.000 Yeah, I'm not one of those.

03:06:36.000 I don't get how they don't see Trump as their guy.

03:06:38.000 Like that part baffles me.

03:06:40.000 Like how do you even like just stench just based on his small hands and pettiness and like well I think it's hilarious that they shit on the ship.

03:06:48.000 He's on the first female president and then they tell you not to body shame all the shit on the president's hands. 1.00

03:06:53.000 It's one of the most ridiculous body shavings ever because they're not even that small. 0.98

03:06:57.000 I mean they're not like outrageously small hands.

03:07:00.000 So like when they say it over and over again just to fuck with him like you are clearly body shaming.

03:07:05.000 It's not like you'll if you're making fun of his hair that's an obvious joke right every you can't ignore it.

03:07:10.000 But the hands like you're really going after him if you're making fun of his hands.

03:07:14.000 Dude, I can't believe people of course the whole thing.

03:07:19.000 Even like the hypocrisy with like if you see with like Weissen, it's like all these people were his best pal.

03:07:19.000 That's all it is.

03:07:24.000 Oh yeah, he's God.

03:07:26.000 And then he was.

03:07:27.000 Am I supposed to fall for this puppet?

03:07:29.000 Like I'm sorry, punch beat Judy this time.

03:07:32.000 People crying, but like, do you fall?

03:07:34.000 Do you cry pro wrestling?

03:07:35.000 This couldn't be more of a.

03:07:36.000 They don't care, though.

03:07:37.000 It's about power.

03:07:38.000 That's the thing that I had to figure out where it's like you can prove a contradiction and be like, Meryl Streep just called him God.

03:07:43.000 She's in the front.

03:07:45.000 You do that.

03:07:46.000 You engage with people online like crazy.

03:07:50.000 You go after people online and insult them like crazy.

03:07:52.000 You just did it with Jeff.

03:07:53.000 You just started, though.

03:07:55.000 You can do it if you feel like you want to or if someone blocks you.

03:07:58.000 Yeah, if somebody blocks you on Twitter, that's not an assault on you, but you just go forward.

03:08:02.000 I didn't have enough information.

03:08:03.000 But think about what you're saying people shouldn't do and then think about what you do and they're very similar.

03:08:10.000 You can't be above it.

03:08:10.000 Right.

03:08:11.000 I didn't want to take his work or say he's a bad comic.

03:08:13.000 You can't be above it and in it.

03:08:15.000 That's his bottom line.

03:08:17.000 He can't be.

03:08:18.000 Everybody is just fucking attacking everybody.

03:08:18.000 It's the same thing.

03:08:21.000 It's like social war, like cannibalism going on there.

03:08:26.000 People shouldn't have been allowed to speak to me.

03:08:28.000 Kelston invited that.

03:08:29.000 They took Him out.

03:08:30.000 Like, you can't.

03:08:32.000 Look, they went after fucking Bruno Mars.

03:08:34.000 Cultural appropriation.

03:08:35.000 Bruno Mars.

03:08:36.000 What was the cultural appropriation?

03:08:38.000 Because they're saying he's incorporating black music.

03:08:40.000 He's half Filipino.

03:08:42.000 He's half Jewish.

03:08:44.000 It's one of the biggest videos on that.

03:08:47.000 You've got to be kidding me.

03:08:48.000 No.

03:08:48.000 Bruno Mars.

03:08:49.000 They're attacking Bruno Mars for cultural appropriation.

03:08:51.000 And a bunch of black artists are defending him.

03:08:54.000 Like, what in the fuck?

03:08:56.000 Look at his hair.

03:08:56.000 He's brown.

03:08:58.000 Jesus Christ.

03:09:00.000 I mean, the whole thing is so ridiculous.

03:09:02.000 It's not like he's very much.

03:09:03.000 I've never heard of a brown guy getting that.

03:09:05.000 Dude, it's a new thing.

03:09:06.000 He's not brown enough. 0.98

03:09:08.000 He's not dark enough. 0.99

03:09:09.000 Not from Africa. 0.99

03:09:09.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 0.99

03:09:11.000 You can't be liberal enough.

03:09:13.000 We're going to get to like one state where some gender-fluid, transgender, like half-black hermaphrodite. 1.00

03:09:23.000 But they're not left-handed.

03:09:25.000 He's got right-hand privilege, bro.

03:09:27.000 Have you heard the other shit?

03:09:29.000 You know, a guy Bronham I had on Raze Wars who was like very funny and good on the show and like he had the worst philosophy.

03:09:34.000 I heard on Gnome's podcast, he talked about how the seller is like some white male club and it's not the seller's the most diverse.

03:09:42.000 You know, like if I had a writing in Cars or Comics, it would be very diverse because that's just who you hang out with.

03:09:46.000 I think that dude just talks a lot.

03:09:48.000 He says some shit that doesn't make any sense.

03:09:50.000 He went after me and who the fuck was he?

03:09:54.000 He was seemed very nice about it.

03:09:55.000 He took our conversation totally out of context.

03:09:58.000 We were talking about how many, when kids get molested, how many of those kids become molesters?

03:10:04.000 And we were trying to figure out like that is a real thing that does happen also where you get ingrained somehow or another into homosexual being aroused.

03:10:13.000 Homosexual aroused. 0.84

03:10:14.000 I hear of guys in prison having a, what do you call it?

03:10:19.000 Corruption.

03:10:20.000 A boner.

03:10:20.000 A boyfriend?

03:10:21.000 No, people get like, Yeah, but we're talking about like young people.

03:10:26.000 When young people are going through their development, if they get molested, it is entirely possible.

03:10:32.000 I saw 300.

03:10:33.000 But not even molested if they just have a sexual experience with a guy.

03:10:36.000 Yeah, that's right.

03:10:37.000 No, you can shape somebody's entire fucking shape.

03:10:39.000 It's like a record.

03:10:40.000 He just put it out that he said a bunch of tweets about like us wondering, like two straight guys wondering how many gay guys became gay because they got fucked when they were kids.

03:10:49.000 Like, well, that's not what we said, but that is a study.

03:10:53.000 That's a weird study.

03:10:54.000 And so I printed the, I copy and pasted the URL for an actual study on that.

03:11:00.000 Like how many times people are molested and they wind up becoming homosexual or becoming a molester themselves.

03:11:08.000 Those are two real distinct possibilities when you completely disrupt a child's sexual cycle.

03:11:14.000 Who's saying it's bad?

03:11:15.000 I'm not making a joke.

03:11:16.000 Just to give play off of your name, though.

03:11:18.000 That's what that is.

03:11:19.000 Because there's something that happens to people when they get sexually molested.

03:11:19.000 Exactly.

03:11:23.000 And most of it's really bad.

03:11:25.000 And hypersexuality is another one.

03:11:27.000 People become very sexual.

03:11:28.000 There's a lot of weird.

03:11:29.000 So we weren't in any way saying that gay people are only gay because of that.

03:11:34.000 I don't think it matters at all.

03:11:35.000 But it's been studied by scientists.

03:11:37.000 Yeah.

03:11:38.000 He don't give a shit about that.

03:11:39.000 It's just get his name attached to yours and get it.

03:11:41.000 That's why the seller thing.

03:11:42.000 I mean, I gladly would have him on my podcast.

03:11:45.000 It makes me more careful with what I say, though.

03:11:47.000 And I think that's the good thing about it.

03:11:49.000 So to leave, in the past, I've been way more careless with how I say things to think that it wouldn't be misconstrued, especially not weaponized.

03:11:58.000 Well, dude, apologies are not to the people that hate you because they want you dead and there's no it's for people that like you don't understand that don't understand that's what you apologize for the people that are against you are they're not comedy fans or fucking people but that's what you're learning too right so through this whole dark journey that you went on with all this bullshit you did learn that though so it's very valuable yeah no dude it's barry barry is very helpful to me and uh he's not just therapy but you going through all this and coming out on the other side uh the experience of doing it yeah

03:12:28.000 dude uh it made a lot of things that i kind of was told earlier that never made sense to me make a lot of like i remember last time i hung out patrice shit he said to me that i didn't understand the like kind of magnitude of what he was saying to me until then how so like what kind of stuff just about what a devil business this is and how easy you get fooled into the like brass ring it makes you a coward well they give you stuff to to let you know they could that's true but here's the thing i think that's less the case now and this is my case i think because

03:12:57.000 of the internet i think comics essentially have created a network of each other yeah that's exactly right think of the network of race wars or skeptic tank or donkey chussell family hour joey diaz is a church of what's happening now we're all in a network together dude i i learned uh uh that the main thing is that because i only really got work in his business because of comics it was not the industry of course but now but now this is really important more so than ever you can build your own thing yeah the network is a an organic network

03:13:27.000 instead of someone owning you or having a contract with you it's great they're like oh owen's fucking funny yeah like go see him oh gert's hilarious go see him you know make a special like and so then people listen to your podcast or they listen to your special oh this guy's fucking hilarious and we've told them the truth so many times that they believe and then the other thing about podcasts that i think is amazing and then just the internet in general with comics today is that everybody's supportive of each other when someone has a special coming out i see other people tweeting go check this out is

03:13:57.000 that right yeah all the time tommy segura is great about that so is ari but these people are you know nobody ever did that in the past there was no opportunity that i feel like if i like somebody's shit i kind of go out of my way to compliment to like balance out the amount of shit it's like bitcoin it's like decentralized currency now a little bit yeah it's a little bit and there's less of this golden ring so that the golden ring is just fucking acting okay that's what it is that's right and they confuse them and if it's not acting it's writing about acting it's just like writing the scripts of the complaints are casting complaints yes

03:14:27.000 not stand-up complaints it's not our world man the problem is we fuck up when we go to that world our world is inappropriate shit said behind closed doors making each other laugh i'm not a teacher i'm here to disrupt class i'm not here to help the class right we're we're in the green room doing mushrooms smoking pot drinking whiskey and then we go on stage and talk crazy shit this is our world our world is not the casting couch our world has nothing to do with auditions or this whole fucking acting like the the way actors talk to each 0.74

03:14:57.000 other and actors speak that's not our world we're not we're not me too in it we're not this is this is It's a different world.

03:15:04.000 We're the world trying to come up with shit that's funny so that people laugh because we like that.

03:15:10.000 One of the last things Barry said to me, because they want to take his special off of Louis site, which he wouldn't do, because Barry is like a stand-up dude that wouldn't go with the crowd's trendy horse shit.

03:15:20.000 He had principles.

03:15:21.000 But he's like, I'm so sick of the untalented hijacking of very real trauma to a lot of people to further their dumb career.

03:15:28.000 He's dead on about that.

03:15:30.000 It's people hijacking.

03:15:31.000 It's like people, because, you know, by the way, the stats on, when they go one in five people are rapes, okay, or women are raped.

03:15:38.000 I think that's probably just the amount of men that are raped and women could be double that, okay?

03:15:42.000 I think it's so prevalent just based on the people I know in my life, okay, that something happened to, it's weird for something not to have happened to you.

03:15:50.000 Did you see what Tim Dylan wrote about all this after the whole Louis thing went down?

03:15:55.000 Tim Dylan wrote a brilliant piece.

03:15:57.000 I think he wrote it on Facebook, but then he put it on Instagram and broke it up into pages so that you could keep turning through it.

03:16:02.000 But he's explaining how this is an opportunity for truly mediocre talent to chop down someone who was head and shoulders far better than them.

03:16:10.000 And they do so by claiming the moral hard ground, by virtue signaling, by going after him and attacking him and breaking down what he did.

03:16:10.000 Of course.

03:16:18.000 Or you could tell people's character by who wanted to get their little kick in.

03:16:22.000 Because the same thing when I watched happen to me, I was, but, you know, a lot of my friends are my friends, man.

03:16:27.000 I'm lucky.

03:16:28.000 Like, I'm not.

03:16:29.000 I lost respect for a lot of people during this whole thing.

03:16:31.000 And I'll tell you who they are.

03:16:32.000 As soon as we shut this fucking show down, I got to end this.

03:16:34.000 It's already 319.

03:16:35.000 Oh, shit.

03:16:35.000 Can I plug me special?

03:16:37.000 Fuck yeah, Owen Benjamin.

03:16:38.000 As long as you promise to leave Anthony Jeselnik alone.

03:16:41.000 Son of a bitch. 0.88

03:16:44.000 What are you going to do?

03:16:45.000 Plug you special.

03:16:45.000 Get it.

03:16:46.000 Hugepianist.com.

03:16:48.000 It's called How Dare Me.

03:16:49.000 Get it, Pianist, like he plays a fucking piano.

03:16:51.000 Yes.

03:16:52.000 All right, Sarah, go ahead.

03:16:53.000 Oh, I got an hour.

03:16:55.000 Oh, it's my website, hugepianist.com.

03:16:58.000 The name of it is How Dare Me, shot in my town that I live in.

03:17:03.000 I got an hour called White Precious on Comedy Central I made a while ago that people just now have seen.

03:17:07.000 So if you haven't seen it, see it.

03:17:09.000 I want to see it now.

03:17:10.000 When did they film this?

03:17:11.000 Dude, like fucking 2015?

03:17:14.000 And it's on Comedy Central.

03:17:15.000 Is it on Netflix or any of those places?

03:17:17.000 It's on Netflix.

03:17:19.000 It's probably pirated.

03:17:21.000 Yeah, go pirate it. 0.99

03:17:22.000 It's an album, too.

03:17:23.000 It's a CD.

03:17:24.000 Dude, I just realized you're like the Doug Stanhope of upstate New York.

03:17:27.000 You do stand-up in your town.

03:17:29.000 I do.

03:17:30.000 That's what Doug does.

03:17:31.000 That's what Doug does down in Bisbee.

03:17:32.000 Dude, a third of the whole population is.

03:17:34.000 There's fucking Yaakov Smirnoff.

03:17:36.000 It's his bransing.

03:17:39.000 There's a big Doug Paul Bunyan when you come to town.

03:17:42.000 What a crazy checkered plaid fucking.

03:17:44.000 Well, you're the Stanhope, Arizona.

03:17:47.000 Dude, one in three people came to the taping.

03:17:49.000 Like, that's a lot.

03:17:50.000 That's amazing.

03:17:51.000 Oh, I'm starting.

03:17:53.000 I do, because I moved here to LA, so I'm going to do a Racewars West Coast.

03:17:56.000 Oh, shit.

03:17:57.000 So it'll be more double the.

03:17:58.000 We just got to see.

03:17:59.000 I didn't know you totally moved here.

03:18:00.000 When did you totally move here?

03:18:01.000 Don't tell anybody where you live.

03:18:02.000 A few months ago.

03:18:03.000 I'm still looking for you.

03:18:04.000 They're going to storm the fucking improv main room.

03:18:06.000 All right, that's it.

03:18:07.000 Goodbye, everybody.

03:18:09.000 Oh, thanks to everybody who came out this weekend.

03:18:10.000 We had a great time.

03:18:11.000 Bye.

03:18:13.000 Folks, that was fun. 0.88

03:18:16.000 We're going to get through this.

03:18:17.000 I swear, humans, we're going to be better.

03:18:20.000 We're going to be better at being people.

03:18:23.000 Thank you to the sponsors.

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03:18:26.000 Go build yourself the website of your motherfucking dreams with Squarespace.

03:18:31.000 Go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

03:18:33.000 And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Joe to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

03:18:39.000 That's squarespace.com and enter the promo code Joe.

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03:18:51.000 Use the promo code JoeRogan, all one word, and $5 will go to you and $5 will go to Justin Wren's Fight for the Forgotten Charity.

03:18:59.000 And thanks also to stamps.com, one of the easiest, most reliable, and convenient ways to use the postal service.

03:19:07.000 Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, and type in J-R-E.

03:19:12.000 That's stamps.com and enter J-R-E.

03:19:16.000 Ta-da.

03:19:17.000 We did it.

03:19:18.000 We got through today.

03:19:20.000 Yay.

03:19:22.000 Got a lot of shit going on, folks.

03:19:24.000 A lot of really fun podcasts.

03:19:27.000 So, until then, thank you.

03:19:29.000 Thanks for everybody.

03:19:30.000 Thank you, people tuning in.

03:19:32.000 Thank you, all the nice people that have been coming to the shows.

03:19:34.000 We've been having a lot of fun.

03:19:37.000 That's it.

03:19:37.000 Thanks for now.

03:19:38.000 Love you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 19, 2018

Joe Rogan Experience #1093 - Owen Benjamin, Kurt Metzger

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript