The Joe Rogan Experience - October 31, 2018


Joe Rogan Experience #1192 - Tony Hinchcliffe


Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 16 minutes

Words per minute

180.0

Word count

24,600

Sentence count

2,804

Harmful content

Misogyny

145

sentences flagged

Hate speech

55

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Tony and Cliff talk about quitting smoking and how it s changed their lives and how they feel now that they re both non-smokers and non-drinkers. They also talk about the recent Sober October and what they would do if they were part of a "sober month" and if they wanted to join in on the fun. They also discuss the Johnny Carson story and how he went through a rough patch with his addiction to cigarettes and how that affected his relationship with his wife and kids. They talk about how he quit smoking and what it s like to be a non-cigarette smoker now that he s not smoking anymore and how much better they feel about their lives. And they talk about what they do to keep their bodies in shape and stay in shape. Enjoy the episode and don t forget to leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, Like, and Share the Podcast! Timestamps: 5:00 - How to quit smoking? 8:30 - How much does it help you feel better? 11:00- How does it affect your relationship with your body? 13:00 16:40 - How does quitting smoking affect your life? 17:30 18:20 - How do you feel about your health? 19:00 | How much do you like your life right now? 21:00 // 22:15 - What sober month? 26:40 27: How much money are you can you afford? 29: What is a good day? 32:30 | 32: What do you need? 33:00 / 33: What are you looking for? 35:00/35: What s your favorite thing to smoke? 36:30/40? 39:30 / 40:50/45? 41:00 What s a good deal? 45:00 Do you want to smoke again? 40:00 Can you smoke more? 47:40/46? 44:00 How much is your favorite kind of cigarette? 46:00 Are you going to smoke more than one pack of coke? 51:00 Is it better than a pack of cigarettes? 56:40 / 47:00 Should you smoke a pack a day or a pack size? 55:00 Would you like to try something new? 57:00 Have you ever smoked a pack?

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:01.000 Powerful young Tony and Cliff.
00:00:03.000 Hello.
00:00:04.000 I'm smelling this weed.
00:00:05.000 In 12 hours, I'll be free.
00:00:08.000 I'm excited for you, dude.
00:00:10.000 I didn't do shit for Sober October.
00:00:12.000 Did you stay drunk?
00:00:13.000 I didn't stay drunk.
00:00:15.000 I just had a drink or two pretty much every night.
00:00:18.000 Would you ever consider doing something like Sober October?
00:00:20.000 I mean, like, if, you know, if I was a part of it and, like, I got all that promotional push that everybody's giving themselves, hell yeah, for the business point.
00:00:28.000 That's the only reason why you do it?
00:00:30.000 That's the only reason I would do it.
00:00:31.000 I have no reason.
00:00:32.000 I'm in, you know, I'm in perfect shape.
00:00:35.000 Feel good about life.
00:00:36.000 Every day is good.
00:00:38.000 You know, I've been cutting back on things naturally.
00:00:41.000 Like, I'm done with my, like, college years of, you know, getting wasted at the store and things like that.
00:00:47.000 Like, it's like...
00:00:47.000 Well, you're also not smoking cigarettes anymore.
00:00:49.000 Right.
00:00:49.000 I'm off cigarettes, which helps a lot, by the way.
00:00:52.000 You know, I gotta say, for anybody out there that drinks and smokes, the two correlate.
00:00:57.000 You quit one, it's gonna help with the other big time.
00:00:59.000 I mean, I'm just saying, like, cutting back on smoking, because the two go so good together...
00:01:05.000 Yeah, you were finding that those pens weren't really helping you that much, huh?
00:01:09.000 The nicotine pens?
00:01:10.000 Oh yeah, no, I love them.
00:01:11.000 But did it help you quit?
00:01:13.000 Yeah.
00:01:14.000 Because you were saying that it's not the same.
00:01:16.000 It's not the same.
00:01:17.000 I mean, when you love cigarettes, and both of my parents smoked.
00:01:21.000 My mom quit when she got pregnant with me, and then started again like a year later, and she would smoke in the little house that I grew up in. 0.77
00:01:30.000 It was just always, my whole life, I was built to be a cigarette smoker.
00:01:35.000 Those two were probably smoking ciggies while banging, making me. 1.00
00:01:39.000 I just love cigarettes.
00:01:41.000 I even still love the nice gust of secondhand smoke.
00:01:44.000 Now that I'm a non-smoker, it blows my mind hearing people all those years say, oh, cigarettes stink.
00:01:50.000 I fucking love it.
00:01:52.000 Really?
00:01:53.000 Oh, I just love it.
00:01:54.000 It just makes me feel good.
00:01:56.000 It's weird, and I know because it's pure poison.
00:01:59.000 It just goes to show what a dark lord I am.
00:02:02.000 Is that you or is that just cigarettes in general have a grip on people?
00:02:06.000 It's a dark grip.
00:02:07.000 It really is.
00:02:08.000 It's so crazy because what else gives you nothing and takes everything?
00:02:12.000 And still, it's just this is my favorite part of the day, favorite part of the night, after sex, during coffee.
00:02:19.000 They said that Johnny Carson, when he was on his deathbed, was just rotting out from the inside.
00:02:23.000 He was just falling apart.
00:02:25.000 He was like, those goddamn cigarettes!
00:02:26.000 Yeah, it's one of the main reasons why I actually quit, was reading about Johnny.
00:02:31.000 Really?
00:02:32.000 Yeah, because it's sort of correlated.
00:02:33.000 I still go on runs every day, pretty much every day, short jogs and this and that to wake up and get the day started.
00:02:41.000 And there was a while there where I had a lot of like, Coughing up shit.
00:02:46.000 Not really coughing up shit, but it was sort of just like it was there.
00:02:50.000 And I'd have to clear my throat before going on stage, and it started to get...
00:02:54.000 It wasn't on stage, but it started to creep up during work hours.
00:02:58.000 It's like...
00:02:59.000 Joey Diaz just murked a room, and I'm next, and he's bringing...
00:03:04.000 You guys ready for your next command?
00:03:05.000 I'm like...
00:03:06.000 It's like, oh, I gotta get my shit together.
00:03:10.000 Did you ever cough up anything black?
00:03:12.000 No.
00:03:13.000 I've talked to people that have hawked up shit and it was black. 1.00
00:03:16.000 And they spit it on the ground and they saw black.
00:03:19.000 Like a black loogie.
00:03:20.000 Yeah.
00:03:21.000 And I was like, why did you quit immediately?
00:03:24.000 Yeah.
00:03:24.000 Like, no.
00:03:25.000 Six more years.
00:03:26.000 Yeah, but I read about Johnny and he was talking about, like, not only was that a major thing, like those damn cigarettes.
00:03:31.000 Like, he just kept repeating that on his deathbed.
00:03:33.000 But they also talk about, like, how...
00:03:36.000 He was swimming, which he loved to do, and he just couldn't do it anymore.
00:03:40.000 He was almost drowning all the time and stuff.
00:03:43.000 It was just like he was gone.
00:03:45.000 He just couldn't breathe.
00:03:46.000 That guy went through a rough patch.
00:03:50.000 Not just that.
00:03:51.000 Do you ever read the divorce settlements that Johnny Carson had to go through?
00:03:54.000 No.
00:03:54.000 He was one of the most famous divorce rapings where you just go, oh my god!
00:04:01.000 You find out how much he had to pay his ex-wife, you're like, oh Jesus!
00:04:04.000 Oh no.
00:04:05.000 He got taken.
00:04:08.000 Oh man.
00:04:09.000 Eddie Murphy had a bit about it.
00:04:10.000 Eddie Murphy had a bit about Johnny Carson's divorce in his act.
00:04:15.000 I think it was in Raw.
00:04:17.000 Did it on one of his specials?
00:04:18.000 Yes!
00:04:19.000 Wow.
00:04:20.000 It was that bad?
00:04:21.000 Geez.
00:04:21.000 This is on the National Enquirer, but it says $220,000 a month was not enough.
00:04:26.000 Wow.
00:04:27.000 Carson's wife rejects settlement and asks $220,000 a month in living expenses.
00:04:34.000 $17 million is not enough, she said.
00:04:37.000 What year does that say at the top left?
00:04:39.000 83 or 93. What did she look like?
00:04:42.000 She looks kind of hot there.
00:04:43.000 Like that dirty 40. That dirty 40 year old look. 0.81
00:04:47.000 I like that.
00:04:48.000 My goodness.
00:04:50.000 Back then that's like a million a month.
00:04:53.000 Closing on her.
00:04:54.000 That was the one he split up with?
00:04:56.000 He gives up fast life and is secretly seeing wife again.
00:05:02.000 Well, that's the Inquirer.
00:05:04.000 So that's the gal he was married to, that he had to give up 17 million bucks.
00:05:10.000 Oh, so he's married to her for a long time.
00:05:13.000 Well, how many times did he get married?
00:05:15.000 That seems like the same gal there.
00:05:17.000 World's most expensive divorce settlements.
00:05:21.000 Johnny Carson and Joanna Holland.
00:05:24.000 20 million.
00:05:25.000 That ain't shit now.
00:05:27.000 We were going over some last night or yesterday on the podcast.
00:05:31.000 Steve Wynn gave up a billion.
00:05:33.000 Oh! 0.60
00:05:35.000 Oh, what could she have possibly have done to earn that?
00:05:41.000 Nothing.
00:05:42.000 There's nothing she could have done.
00:05:44.000 She had that voodoo pussy, son. 1.00
00:05:45.000 Unless she had all the ideas and he's just not admitting it.
00:05:49.000 You should start a casino.
00:05:51.000 Maybe I'll start a casino.
00:05:55.000 You should have craps.
00:05:56.000 Maybe I'll open up a craps table.
00:06:00.000 Even then, how much is a consultation fee worth?
00:06:06.000 A billion.
00:06:07.000 Look at him, by the way.
00:06:10.000 He looks like he's wearing a mask.
00:06:12.000 He looks like it's Halloween 24-7.
00:06:15.000 Third divorce unlikely for Steve Wynn.
00:06:19.000 Poor guy.
00:06:20.000 Good lord.
00:06:21.000 You think a guy...
00:06:22.000 These guys just keep going in.
00:06:23.000 That's what's crazy.
00:06:24.000 They're like, no, no, she's the one.
00:06:26.000 Ugh.
00:06:26.000 No, no, it's never gonna change.
00:06:27.000 Yeah, he's got it all figured out.
00:06:29.000 No, no, she's the one.
00:06:30.000 Ugh.
00:06:31.000 Yeah, it's a strange thing.
00:06:34.000 You know, it becomes humorous.
00:06:37.000 Like, Elizabeth Taylor, who was stunningly beautiful when she was young.
00:06:41.000 Did you ever see Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
00:06:44.000 Uh-uh.
00:06:44.000 It's a must-see.
00:06:45.000 It's a great, great old movie.
00:06:47.000 But Elizabeth Taylor was probably in her 20s, I guess, when she did that, and she was just so beautiful.
00:06:54.000 But as she got older, like, she was...
00:06:56.000 Wow.
00:06:57.000 See if you can see...
00:06:58.000 That's a pretty good picture of her, but if you see, like, her whole body and everything, I mean, she was just a bombshell.
00:07:04.000 And she was a bombshell in, you know, what was it, the 50s or something like that?
00:07:08.000 Like, that picture of her black and white on the second level...
00:07:12.000 Where you see her body?
00:07:13.000 Yeah.
00:07:14.000 That's a real body too, dude.
00:07:16.000 There ain't no gym time there.
00:07:18.000 That's just straight up genetics and whiskey.
00:07:21.000 Look at them.
00:07:23.000 Look at them legs. 0.96
00:07:25.000 That's just biology.
00:07:29.000 But then towards the end, I mean, she had been married and divorced.
00:07:33.000 Don't show the old pictures.
00:07:34.000 Don't show the old pictures!
00:07:36.000 Stop it, Jamie!
00:07:41.000 Google Elizabeth Taylor amount of times married.
00:07:46.000 Because I believe she was married...
00:07:49.000 A lot.
00:07:50.000 Yeah, I want to say like seven or eight times.
00:07:54.000 No fewer than eight times.
00:07:55.000 Yeah.
00:07:56.000 She married a couple guys twice.
00:07:57.000 Eight marriages, only seven husbands.
00:07:59.000 She married Richard Burton twice.
00:08:01.000 She married a bunch of gay guys, too.
00:08:03.000 Huh.
00:08:03.000 Bam.
00:08:04.000 Allegedly gay guys.
00:08:05.000 Her first marriage, one of the heirs of the hotelier...
00:08:08.000 That's a weird word.
00:08:10.000 Hotelier?
00:08:11.000 Hotelier.
00:08:11.000 Hotelier, is that how you say it?
00:08:13.000 Conrad Hilton.
00:08:14.000 Ended in divorce after less than a year.
00:08:16.000 Yeah, she was a wild woman. 0.60
00:08:18.000 Wild woman. 0.74
00:08:19.000 She got paid for all those.
00:08:20.000 That's its own business, right?
00:08:21.000 Well, she was rich as fuck.
00:08:22.000 You know, she was really successful as an actress, so she probably had the money in a lot of them. 0.96
00:08:27.000 Because she was dating some guys that looked suspiciously homosexual.
00:08:31.000 You know, like Liberace homosexual. 0.93
00:08:33.000 Like, wait, what?
00:08:36.000 She paid a million dollars to play Cleopatra in 1963. Yeah, a million bucks in 1963 is probably like 20 million bucks today. 0.99
00:08:46.000 Google that.
00:08:48.000 What is a million dollars in 1963 worth today?
00:08:53.000 That's crazy they paid her that much money.
00:08:55.000 Damn, whoever her agent is, dig that motherfucker up. 1.00
00:09:01.000 DollarTimes.com says it's worth $8.1 million.
00:09:04.000 $8 million?
00:09:04.000 Yeah.
00:09:05.000 That's it?
00:09:05.000 So, yeah.
00:09:06.000 Wow, I thought it would be like 20. Annual inflation over this period was 3.88%.
00:09:11.000 That's, um, when you think of, like, who's the top paid female today? 1.00
00:09:16.000 Is it Jennifer Lawrence, maybe?
00:09:18.000 Probably, yeah.
00:09:19.000 Close.
00:09:19.000 Yeah.
00:09:20.000 What does she get?
00:09:21.000 She probably gets like 20, right?
00:09:22.000 Somewhere in that 15 to 20 range, probably, yeah.
00:09:24.000 So she shits on Elizabeth Taylor.
00:09:26.000 Mm-hmm.
00:09:26.000 Fucking Hunger Games, bitch!
00:09:28.000 Yeah.
00:09:28.000 What?
00:09:29.000 Yeah.
00:09:30.000 But anyway, she married a bunch of gay guys, I think.
00:09:33.000 See if you find out Elizabeth Taylor married gay guys.
00:09:36.000 Because that was always a stand-up comedy joke.
00:09:39.000 When I was first starting out, I remember a bunch of guys had jokes about Elizabeth Taylor.
00:09:45.000 I remember a chick had a joke about it, too. 0.96
00:09:48.000 About Elizabeth Taylor always marrying gay guys. 0.68
00:09:50.000 Not knowing that she's so old and fucked up on pills, she doesn't know the guy she's marrying are gay. 1.00
00:09:56.000 Yeah.
00:09:56.000 That's crazy.
00:09:58.000 I wonder why she would do that. 0.95
00:10:00.000 She probably won a companionship. 0.87
00:10:02.000 I think, in the end, there was rumors of substance abuse.
00:10:08.000 I mean, I'm peripherally associated with these news stories.
00:10:18.000 I don't really know them that well.
00:10:20.000 I just remember reading something about substance abuse and drinking and...
00:10:25.000 The end is always rough, man.
00:10:28.000 The end's rough for a lot of people, bro.
00:10:29.000 Yeah, those pain pills and everything get you.
00:10:32.000 It's happening.
00:10:33.000 That's the roughest of the rough, man.
00:10:35.000 The people who go out with those pain pill addictions.
00:10:37.000 We were talking about, Joey Diaz and I, we were talking yesterday about Prince.
00:10:42.000 He called me up and he was singing to me.
00:10:46.000 He was singing me that song.
00:10:48.000 Do you want him?
00:10:49.000 Or do you want me?
00:10:51.000 Cause I want you!
00:10:53.000 He's like, Purple Rain, cocksucker. 1.00
00:10:55.000 Joe Rogan, when was the last time you listened to Purple Rain?
00:10:58.000 He goes, I'm stoned as a motherfucker right now listening to Purple Rain.
00:11:01.000 Goddamn, Prince was good.
00:11:03.000 And I was thinking about it.
00:11:04.000 Prince was just one of the many greats that we lost to Pain Pills.
00:11:07.000 Just real recently.
00:11:08.000 Tom Petty.
00:11:09.000 Prince.
00:11:11.000 Who else?
00:11:12.000 We lost several...
00:11:13.000 Several...
00:11:15.000 Big name, powerful celebrities to pain pills.
00:11:19.000 Michael Jackson?
00:11:20.000 No, he was propofol.
00:11:21.000 He wasn't pain pills.
00:11:24.000 He was that shit that they used to put people under.
00:11:27.000 Yeah, but he was in like a lot of pain, right?
00:11:29.000 Wasn't that one of those things?
00:11:31.000 I don't think so.
00:11:31.000 I think he was just so fucked up in the head.
00:11:35.000 He had so much anxiety and he just couldn't sleep.
00:11:39.000 You know, he was just a mess, man.
00:11:42.000 What?
00:11:42.000 There's rumors that he was addicted to pain pills.
00:11:44.000 Michael Jackson?
00:11:45.000 Yeah, and he was working to make that big comeback thing at the time, too.
00:11:52.000 So they had him out there dancing and shit, looking like a bag of bones.
00:11:56.000 I'm pretty sure they said that the propofol is what killed him.
00:11:59.000 Yeah, because he couldn't sleep also.
00:12:01.000 Yeah, you need to sleep.
00:12:02.000 And what he was doing is just getting sedated every night.
00:12:06.000 I mean, that's the reason why his doctor went to jail.
00:12:08.000 He called it milk, right?
00:12:10.000 Can I have some more of the milk?
00:12:11.000 Oh, God.
00:12:13.000 I'm having a little trouble sleeping.
00:12:16.000 It sparked from that accident he got in when he got on fire.
00:12:19.000 Oh, that's right.
00:12:20.000 He caught his hair on fire.
00:12:21.000 He was getting medication for the pain from that.
00:12:22.000 Yeah.
00:12:23.000 Well, that's what happened to this guy that I know.
00:12:26.000 He hurt himself doing construction and then got on some pills, you know, because he had a back injury.
00:12:32.000 They put him on pills and then...
00:12:34.000 Life is over.
00:12:35.000 That's all it takes is one accident.
00:12:37.000 I've only taken a half of one pain pill one time, and I know the exact day that it happened because it was the day that the WWE Network came out.
00:12:47.000 I had my wisdom teeth pulled.
00:12:50.000 And they're like, take all these that you want.
00:12:52.000 I'm like, I don't really, you know, I'm very reactive to pills, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:12:56.000 But I was in a lot of pain, so I'm like, fuck it, I'll take a half of one.
00:13:00.000 And man, if I didn't go through that whole network's library that day, just with a smile on my face, drooling on myself, loving life.
00:13:08.000 Just watching all the old stuff that I watched as a kid.
00:13:12.000 Wow.
00:13:12.000 So fun.
00:13:14.000 See, it was the day the network came out.
00:13:16.000 It would be nice if pain pills didn't do anything bad to you.
00:13:19.000 They just fucked you up, but no physical harm.
00:13:23.000 No addiction.
00:13:25.000 No addiction, no physical harm.
00:13:27.000 People are addicted to washing their hands.
00:13:30.000 People are addicted to really weird shit.
00:13:32.000 There's always going to be people that are addicted to things in that they can't quit doing them.
00:13:37.000 But addiction in your bones.
00:13:40.000 Like those pain pills.
00:13:42.000 It felt so good.
00:13:44.000 I remember the feeling of just like, oh, this is the greatest feeling.
00:13:48.000 I could do this all the time.
00:13:51.000 This is incredible.
00:13:53.000 It's incomparable to even...
00:13:56.000 You know, drink or pot or anything like that.
00:13:58.000 It's just sit there and smile, just waves of heat.
00:14:03.000 I was real sick once, and I got a hold of that real NyQuil in the 90s.
00:14:07.000 It was the last time I took it.
00:14:09.000 The real NyQuil.
00:14:10.000 That stuff, I guess it was Codeine.
00:14:11.000 Was it Codeine that was in there?
00:14:13.000 Yeah, something like that, right?
00:14:14.000 It's the Susurp.
00:14:15.000 It was wonderful.
00:14:16.000 It was wonderful.
00:14:19.000 My pillow and my blanket were just cuddling me with love.
00:14:23.000 And I was just lying in bed with a stupid smile on my face watching TV. Just like, ah, I'm so happy.
00:14:31.000 They don't make that NyQuil like they used to.
00:14:33.000 You gotta get it from a doctor, a shady doctor.
00:14:36.000 Pseudephedrine is what it was called.
00:14:37.000 That's what it is?
00:14:37.000 Yeah, nasal decongestion.
00:14:39.000 I think, I mean, since it's what was taken out of it.
00:14:41.000 Hmm.
00:14:42.000 Why did I think, is it like codeine?
00:14:44.000 Is it a codeine?
00:14:45.000 We've done this before, right?
00:14:46.000 We've talked about this before.
00:14:47.000 I saw there's a THC liquid something or other being sold like in 1200 milligram, but it's sold in like a bottle that looks just like the propofil.
00:14:55.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:14:56.000 Yeah.
00:14:56.000 Somebody tried to give me some marijuana beer.
00:15:01.000 Mm-mm.
00:15:01.000 Yeah.
00:15:02.000 THC-infused beer.
00:15:03.000 I'm like, you get that shit the fuck away from me.
00:15:05.000 They're making CBD-infused beer soon.
00:15:07.000 Like, I think Coors or Budweiser or someone invested a shitload of money into it in Canada.
00:15:12.000 Or MGD. Wow.
00:15:15.000 Wow.
00:15:15.000 That's interesting.
00:15:17.000 Well, it would counteract the effects of alcohol somewhat.
00:15:20.000 Because one of the things about alcohol, right, is that it causes inflammation.
00:15:24.000 CBD perhaps could counteract the inflammation.
00:15:27.000 Yeah.
00:15:28.000 What am I, a scientist?
00:15:29.000 I don't mess around with any of that THC infused stuff.
00:15:32.000 I like the CBD, but THC, when it comes to anything other than smoking it, I do not play.
00:15:38.000 You know what I like, pal?
00:15:39.000 I like these.
00:15:40.000 I like joints that are wrapped in tobacco.
00:15:44.000 These backwoods jammies, these are my favorite.
00:15:46.000 Because they give you a little bit of elevation.
00:15:50.000 You get a little bit from the cigarette, the nicotine, the tobacco, and then you get the weed.
00:15:55.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:15:56.000 It's a combo.
00:15:57.000 Corona and Modelo.
00:15:58.000 Mmm.
00:15:59.000 Corona and Modelo was the first to take the plunge, investing hundreds of millions of dollars into a Canadian outfit in order to bring THC-infused brews to market in Northern Nation.
00:16:10.000 Now Molson Coors, the second largest brewer in the world, is reportedly getting into the game.
00:16:15.000 The game.
00:16:16.000 Yeah, that's what's going to be interesting is when Smirnoff starts investing in marijuana.
00:16:21.000 Because they're going to.
00:16:23.000 It's 100% legal in Canada now.
00:16:26.000 Canada is just like buying a beer.
00:16:29.000 Thank God, Canada.
00:16:31.000 You bad motherfuckers up there.
00:16:33.000 And you can travel in Canada and fly with it.
00:16:35.000 Yeah.
00:16:36.000 Well, I love you can fly at LAX with weed now.
00:16:38.000 Heck yeah.
00:16:39.000 Yeah.
00:16:39.000 They say whatever happens when you get there is on you.
00:16:42.000 Right.
00:16:42.000 Yeah.
00:16:43.000 Did you see the thing that they have in Vegas?
00:16:44.000 They have dispensary, like, or dispensers for marijuana, like, at the airport?
00:16:50.000 Uh-uh.
00:16:51.000 And then people are breaking into them, and they're stealing weed out of them.
00:16:54.000 They're like, give me that weed!
00:16:55.000 And they say they're not free weed boxes, you assholes.
00:16:59.000 Crossing international borders with cannabis is illegal.
00:17:02.000 It's at the airport there.
00:17:03.000 Yeah, but does that mean going back or landing?
00:17:08.000 Either.
00:17:08.000 I don't think you can bring it in or take it out, but they're saying, like, if you're at the airport, just make sure you're staying here.
00:17:13.000 Isn't that interesting?
00:17:14.000 Like, you can't even bring it in, even though it's legal there.
00:17:18.000 Yeah.
00:17:18.000 That's weird.
00:17:19.000 There's the box.
00:17:21.000 Yeah, there's the box.
00:17:22.000 Disposal for prescription and recreational drugs.
00:17:24.000 Is that in Canada?
00:17:25.000 This one's in Canada, but they have them in Denver also.
00:17:27.000 I have a photo of the exact same thing from Vegas.
00:17:30.000 I took a picture of it.
00:17:32.000 That's a company that's supposed to come around and pick the shit up and dispose of it.
00:17:36.000 Or you get your little skinny arm in there. 0.99
00:17:38.000 Oh my god, that is so funny.
00:17:39.000 It's a disposal.
00:17:40.000 All the times that last second I'm just throwing joint tubes into the...
00:17:45.000 Into the trash can.
00:17:46.000 Who would actually go up to that thing and throw it in there? 0.67
00:17:50.000 No one.
00:17:50.000 I remember being super fucked up.
00:17:54.000 Like pot only.
00:17:56.000 Toronto Air Cannabis Amnesty Cans.
00:18:01.000 That's hilarious.
00:18:02.000 This is just some guy laying on the ground with his mouth open at the bottom of that.
00:18:05.000 Oh my god, did you ever hear this story about a girl who was, she went into a porta potty and she thought she saw something like when she was sitting down and then she realized, like she heard like groans, she realized there was some guy in there inside the porta potty just laying there watching the shit come out and hitting him in the head.
00:18:26.000 With his mouth open while she's shitting and pissing on him.
00:18:30.000 Oh my god.
00:18:31.000 He had climbed in to the shit and piss.
00:18:34.000 That is so disgusting and hot at the same time for some reason.
00:18:37.000 The fact that a monster would lay there like that.
00:18:41.000 He's probably had a fucking snorkel.
00:18:43.000 Port-a-potty peeper, Luke Christo, suing Boulder for $99,999 or equal amount of gold coinage.
00:18:56.000 Oh my god.
00:18:57.000 He's from Boulder, Colorado.
00:18:59.000 He's suing Boulder?
00:19:01.000 So it happened in Boulder?
00:19:03.000 Yeah.
00:19:04.000 Yeah, Boulder's a trippy place, man.
00:19:06.000 People have been getting really high in Boulder for a long time, and there's no air up there.
00:19:11.000 So if you get super baked in Boulder, you could blow a fuse.
00:19:15.000 Look at that port-a-potty. 1.00
00:19:16.000 It's like built for that.
00:19:17.000 It looks like it's a float tank with a toilet on top.
00:19:22.000 You know what it's like?
00:19:23.000 It's like one of those first-class seats you get when you fly to Australia.
00:19:28.000 Oh yeah, a little pod.
00:19:29.000 Get a pod! 0.72
00:19:31.000 It says, what?
00:19:33.000 Yeah, it's getting weird.
00:19:34.000 I don't know.
00:19:35.000 Hold on.
00:19:36.000 Crisco has made his mark on the internet under a variety of monikers, including Omni Rainbow and Sky Orion, whose YouTube channel features clips, including this one, in which he demonstrates his thigh-rubbing technique.
00:19:51.000 The video's not there for some reason.
00:19:53.000 Yeah, I wonder why.
00:19:54.000 It's been pulled from the internet.
00:19:56.000 Whoa.
00:19:57.000 So this is the guy.
00:19:58.000 So he climbed in there to have people shit on him.
00:20:02.000 And how did he know that there was a girl?
00:20:04.000 His reward for such patience was the sight of a slender, black-haired, white man.
00:20:11.000 What?
00:20:11.000 I don't know.
00:20:12.000 Wait a minute.
00:20:13.000 Don't scroll.
00:20:14.000 Where are you going?
00:20:14.000 I didn't know what the hell they were talking about before.
00:20:15.000 But I'm reading that.
00:20:16.000 Go back.
00:20:17.000 A slender, black-haired, white man standing between 6'5 and 6'8 inches tall with cuts on his back and arms wearing only a pair of sweatpants.
00:20:27.000 What is this about?
00:20:28.000 Oh, so this is the security guard realized that he was doing something.
00:20:31.000 Scroll back up.
00:20:32.000 So it gets to that.
00:20:34.000 Figure out what the hell they were talking about.
00:20:35.000 Imagine like waiting there under the toilet in the port-a-potty for a hot chick to come in and just like Joey Diaz comes in like, oh, I'm excited about this.
00:20:43.000 Oh, I've been eating Cuban sandwiches all week, pig.
00:20:46.000 In June 2011, we noted that a woman attended the Hamann Festival, stepped into a portable laboratory, and when she lifted the toilet's lid, she saw something moving in the deep, dark depths below.
00:20:58.000 Cue shock, horror, and quick escape when she fetched a man and asked him to look inside.
00:21:03.000 He, too, saw some movement beneath a tarp inside the tank.
00:21:08.000 And after exiting the chamber, he heard the door lock behind them.
00:21:11.000 At that point, he summoned the security.
00:21:14.000 Okay, that's what happened.
00:21:15.000 And then they caught that guy.
00:21:17.000 So he's in there with a tarp, hiding under a tarp while people were shitting on him.
00:21:22.000 Look at his face.
00:21:23.000 Is that the mugshot?
00:21:24.000 Is there shit all over him?
00:21:26.000 Oh God, you son of a bitch.
00:21:30.000 It's like the it clown meets the shit clown.
00:21:33.000 Oh, look at this.
00:21:33.000 He sat down with Fox 31 for a jailhouse interview in which he referred to spying on urinating or defecating women, in quotes, the highest creature in the universe.
00:21:44.000 He maintained as, in quotes, praising God and said, in quotes, it sounds kind of weird, but I would just find my peace and go away.
00:21:56.000 Say, thank you, goddess, and go about my night.
00:22:00.000 Wow.
00:22:01.000 Isn't that the scariest part?
00:22:03.000 When you drop a deuce in the toilet and you hear the words, thank you, goddess, coming from the toilet.
00:22:07.000 Thank you, goddess, for your offerings.
00:22:10.000 He had other peepholes in other places around Boulder also.
00:22:13.000 A number of restaurants.
00:22:14.000 Just to know that someone like that is a real person.
00:22:17.000 You have to realize, sometimes you have to see someone like that to go, okay, I don't know everybody.
00:22:24.000 There's a long range.
00:22:29.000 If there's a chart of fucked up to totally normal, there's a lot of variables in there.
00:22:35.000 And there's a lot of people that just don't fit into your ideal...
00:22:39.000 Who knows?
00:22:40.000 We may know people that are into that type of thing.
00:22:43.000 We should set up a trap.
00:22:44.000 Did you say Earl Skakel?
00:22:45.000 What?
00:22:46.000 What did you just say?
00:22:47.000 No, I said we might know people.
00:22:48.000 Why did you say Earl?
00:22:50.000 What?
00:22:54.000 Jeff Ross?
00:22:55.000 Did you say Jeff Ross?
00:22:57.000 You son of a bitch.
00:22:58.000 Listen, don't do that off camera and expect me to keep secrets.
00:23:03.000 We should put one of those- Jeremiah Watkins does what?
00:23:11.000 Just kidding, folks.
00:23:13.000 We love those guys.
00:23:15.000 Just jokes.
00:23:16.000 Just jokes.
00:23:18.000 Yeah.
00:23:19.000 Do you think we do?
00:23:20.000 Do you think we know anybody who likes to get shit on?
00:23:22.000 Jim Norton.
00:23:24.000 Yeah.
00:23:24.000 Jim Norton will tell you about it.
00:23:25.000 We should put one behind the comedy store and see if anyone starts to look it up and down and lay down in it.
00:23:31.000 Start drooling.
00:23:31.000 Yeah.
00:23:33.000 You know, they had this test they did with men where they took men that were...
00:23:40.000 Before we get any further, I don't know who conducted these tests.
00:23:43.000 Jamie could probably find it.
00:23:44.000 They conducted tests where they put devices on penises. 0.97
00:23:49.000 Who talked about this?
00:23:50.000 Was it Christopher Ryan may have talked about this?
00:23:52.000 And maybe our friend Chris Ryan talked about this.
00:23:54.000 They put sensors on penises and they showed homophobic men.
00:24:01.000 Erotica.
00:24:02.000 And homosexual erotica in particular, like guys getting their dick sucked by guys, and they got aroused by it. 0.74
00:24:09.000 They put, like, these things on it.
00:24:11.000 So that's what we would need to do.
00:24:13.000 We'd need to, like...
00:24:14.000 Ah, that'd be the...
00:24:15.000 Homophobic men are aroused by gay male porn.
00:24:17.000 Here it is.
00:24:19.000 Homophobia is associated with sexual excitement by male-on-male sex.
00:24:23.000 Oh! 0.60
00:24:25.000 One study.
00:24:26.000 This is the greatest reality show ever in the making right now.
00:24:29.000 I know, right?
00:24:30.000 One study asked heterosexual men how comfortable and anxious they are around gay men.
00:24:35.000 Based on these scores, they then divided these men into two groups, men that are homophobic and men that are not.
00:24:41.000 These men were then shown three four-minute videos.
00:24:45.000 That's a long time to be sitting there watching a dude suck a dick.
00:24:48.000 One video depicted straight sex, one depicted lesbian sex, and one depicted gay male sex.
00:24:56.000 While this was happening, a device was attached to each participant's penis.
00:25:00.000 This device has been found to be triggered by sexual arousal, but not by other types of arousal, such as nervousness or fear.
00:25:08.000 Arousal often has a very different meaning in psychology than in proper usage.
00:25:15.000 I wonder what the device looks like.
00:25:16.000 It's just some dude's mouth.
00:25:18.000 Yeah, it's a dude's mouth.
00:25:19.000 I'm pretty sure this was a Japanese game show experiment of some kind.
00:25:23.000 Was it?
00:25:24.000 They had a guy get blown by another dude and he had to last a certain amount of time.
00:25:28.000 Oh, I did hear about that.
00:25:29.000 They kept him under a switch.
00:25:31.000 Wait a minute, he had to last without coming?
00:25:33.000 He had to go like four or five minutes or something like that.
00:25:35.000 Without blowing a load?
00:25:35.000 And he'd win a bunch of money.
00:25:36.000 And if a guy was sucking his dick. 0.56
00:25:38.000 People don't realize that before Fear Factor, Japanese game shows were on another level.
00:25:46.000 They were doing some fucking insane shit on Japanese TV. That was some of the early YouTube clips we used to watch, was Japanese game shows.
00:25:56.000 Those guys are always ahead of it.
00:25:59.000 Ninja Warrior.
00:26:00.000 Yeah.
00:26:01.000 Right.
00:26:01.000 Was that a Japanese show?
00:26:02.000 First?
00:26:03.000 I think so.
00:26:04.000 Ninjas and stuff, yeah.
00:26:05.000 Should be.
00:26:07.000 That's how it got on to the way it is because G4 had a contest for the first American to go over and do it.
00:26:13.000 And that just sort of snowballed from there.
00:26:16.000 And then they had that show that was kind of a version of it for America called Wipeout, right?
00:26:21.000 Remember that?
00:26:22.000 Because that was the same people that produced Fear Factor produced Wipeout.
00:26:26.000 And they had MXC, where they would like auto-dub them or do the voice dubs, and it would seem a little funny, but they'd be like the waiters versus the service staff, and it'd be almost a big joke.
00:26:35.000 Remember what I'm talking about?
00:26:36.000 No.
00:26:37.000 It was called MXC, like I don't remember the full name.
00:26:40.000 I'll pull up a video.
00:26:42.000 MXC. So anyway...
00:26:46.000 We put these sensors on Earl Skakel's dick and have someone take a shit in front of me. 1.00
00:26:54.000 Earl's like, what the fuck?
00:26:56.000 What did I do, guys?
00:26:57.000 Nothing!
00:26:58.000 Earl, we're sorry, we're just joking around.
00:26:59.000 Oh, that girl got hit in the head. 0.99
00:27:00.000 Now, here's the thing.
00:27:01.000 I can't help but thinking that that lady's running through shit now after we talked about it. 1.00
00:27:06.000 I don't see that as mud.
00:27:08.000 It's just a silly Japanese show, but here's the other one I was telling you about.
00:27:12.000 I can only find it on LiveLeak, but it is...
00:27:15.000 Gay versus straight blowjob challenge.
00:27:17.000 Oh my god.
00:27:18.000 So who's the gay guy?
00:27:20.000 The big guy, I believe.
00:27:22.000 The big guy's gay. 0.99
00:27:23.000 Yeah.
00:27:24.000 And the straight guy, wow.
00:27:26.000 And the gay guy says, those pants are hot. 0.97
00:27:30.000 And so this guy has to stand there, see if we can get Takuya.
00:27:34.000 Oh my god.
00:27:36.000 Of course, if he doesn't get hard...
00:27:39.000 See, he might not get hard like this.
00:27:41.000 What does the expression mean?
00:27:42.000 Oh my god.
00:27:44.000 Welcome to another episode of Win-Win.
00:27:46.000 Look at him.
00:27:47.000 Either you win money or you cum. 0.66
00:27:49.000 The sound of a high-speed vacuum puts his hand in his mouth.
00:27:52.000 His expression has changed dramatically.
00:27:55.000 Oh my god.
00:27:56.000 Wow.
00:27:57.000 It's always those fat guys that really suck the best dicks, I bet. 0.62
00:28:01.000 I love that you throw I bet at the end of that.
00:28:05.000 You have to say I bet.
00:28:06.000 I would imagine.
00:28:07.000 This guy took his shirt off.
00:28:10.000 What happened there?
00:28:12.000 He shot.
00:28:15.000 Thank you, I enjoyed that, he says.
00:28:17.000 Oh my god.
00:28:19.000 That poor guy.
00:28:19.000 Seems like we have a winner.
00:28:22.000 That poor guy just nutted in that dude's mouth. 1.00
00:28:25.000 He says, that's frustrating.
00:28:26.000 A lot came out, didn't it, he says.
00:28:29.000 It's so frustrating though.
00:28:30.000 Yeah, but a lot came out.
00:28:32.000 So the guy's telling him.
00:28:33.000 The guy's like, dude, you enjoyed that.
00:28:35.000 You came really hard.
00:28:36.000 He goes, it was very frustrating.
00:28:38.000 He's like, yeah, but a lot came out.
00:28:39.000 You came hard.
00:28:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but frustrating.
00:28:42.000 Don't like.
00:28:43.000 No, but you liked it at the time because a lot came out.
00:28:45.000 It only comes out if it feels good.
00:28:49.000 That is, they're evil.
00:28:51.000 That's fucking with a person's mind, you know?
00:28:55.000 That guy has to think about that shit for the rest of his life.
00:28:57.000 Oh, he's probably gay now. 0.99
00:28:58.000 He's probably on the other side of the game show, sucking the dick.
00:29:02.000 The reason why I would imagine fat guys suck dick better is because it involves food and gay sex at the same time. 1.00
00:29:07.000 It's a combination of things.
00:29:09.000 Like, fat people probably like things in their mouth, and then on top of that, gay sex. 1.00
00:29:13.000 And Asian, as well, Kobayashi is the hot dog eating champion. 0.72
00:29:18.000 I thought you were gonna go with a little dick. 1.00
00:29:21.000 Because you can get all of it.
00:29:23.000 Yeah.
00:29:23.000 Get the whole thing.
00:29:24.000 That too.
00:29:24.000 You're not choking.
00:29:25.000 Yeah.
00:29:26.000 You could deep throat it.
00:29:27.000 You could really go to town.
00:29:28.000 And it might not even make it to your throat.
00:29:30.000 Just deep mouth it.
00:29:32.000 Deep lip it.
00:29:33.000 I don't know.
00:29:34.000 That's a terrible stereotype, but I'm really embarrassed that you brought that up on this show.
00:29:38.000 Yes.
00:29:38.000 How dare you.
00:29:39.000 Indeed.
00:29:40.000 And if anybody knows things about stereotypes, it's Asians. 0.91
00:29:43.000 Yeah.
00:29:44.000 And Megyn Kelly.
00:29:46.000 That was an Asian stereotype.
00:29:50.000 I'll get it.
00:29:50.000 Oh, okay.
00:29:51.000 I get it.
00:29:51.000 Like Samsung.
00:29:52.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:29:53.000 I get it.
00:29:53.000 Yeah.
00:29:54.000 Yeah.
00:29:55.000 Megyn Kelly.
00:29:56.000 That's a crazy one.
00:29:57.000 That's a crazy one.
00:29:58.000 Because she said, I never really got it all the way.
00:30:01.000 She said that back in her day, people used to be black for Halloween.
00:30:05.000 She said, why can't you dress up as like Diana Ross? 1.00
00:30:09.000 She essentially said, what's wrong with wearing blackface?
00:30:13.000 She threw one in that's not even really bad.
00:30:19.000 She started with, why is it bad for a black person to dress up as a white person or a white person dress up as a black person?
00:30:26.000 Well, it's not.
00:30:27.000 Nobody says it's bad for a black person to dress up as a white person.
00:30:30.000 Dave Chappelle did it on his TV show forever.
00:30:32.000 Remember?
00:30:32.000 Yeah.
00:30:33.000 Did we do that?
00:30:33.000 Oh, yeah.
00:30:34.000 Nobody cared.
00:30:35.000 It's bad because they used to have minstrel shows.
00:30:38.000 Like, if she knew the history of it, like, you'd go back and watch Al Jolson.
00:30:42.000 Have you ever watched some of that stuff?
00:30:44.000 A little bit, but I mean...
00:30:46.000 We should watch some of that.
00:30:47.000 Okay.
00:30:48.000 The Al Jolson stuff?
00:30:49.000 I don't think we can.
00:30:50.000 Really?
00:30:50.000 Yeah, I mean...
00:30:51.000 What would happen?
00:30:52.000 Go to jail?
00:30:52.000 No, I'm just...
00:30:53.000 PC police?
00:30:55.000 YouTube?
00:30:56.000 What about White Chicks? 1.00
00:30:57.000 Remember White Chicks when the Wayans brothers... 1.00
00:30:59.000 Oh yeah!
00:31:00.000 They had that whole movie where they wore white faces.
00:31:02.000 Huge movie.
00:31:03.000 Nobody cares.
00:31:04.000 Heavily promoted movie.
00:31:05.000 Funny movie.
00:31:06.000 Yeah, you could be white.
00:31:09.000 Nobody cares.
00:31:09.000 So her saying that was very disingenuous.
00:31:12.000 It was just to cover her ass. 1.00
00:31:13.000 So that's Al Jolson.
00:31:14.000 The jazz singer.
00:31:15.000 The jazz singer Al Jolson used to wear blackface.
00:31:20.000 Oh no.
00:31:20.000 Yeah, and look at what he used to do with his lips.
00:31:22.000 He used to like make his lips cartoonishly exaggerated and he would sing, but he was like an obviously a white man singing in blackface as a black man. 0.57
00:31:34.000 It's really weird to watch and he would wear white gloves on.
00:31:38.000 Is it wrong that I feel weirder watching this than reading about the guy that was getting shit and pissed on?
00:31:43.000 Is it wrong that you came quicker than the guy getting his dick sucked by that guy?
00:31:51.000 Man.
00:31:52.000 Man.
00:31:53.000 That's crazy.
00:31:54.000 Pretty sure that was the first movie with sound also.
00:31:57.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:31:58.000 The first movie with sound was racist as fuck.
00:32:06.000 Well, you've got to realize the first movie with sound, was that probably 19...
00:32:10.000 27. 27?
00:32:11.000 Okay, so that is, what is that, 60 years after slavery?
00:32:20.000 After it was abolished, but it wasn't even really done when it was abolished, so yeah.
00:32:24.000 When was it done?
00:32:27.000 Arguably, it isn't with jails, but I mean, there were still- Oh, Jesus.
00:32:31.000 Jamie went deep with it.
00:32:32.000 Wow.
00:32:32.000 I'm just saying.
00:32:33.000 Well, yeah, but it was like, okay, we're still- They weren't all- But slaves weren't all immediately released.
00:32:38.000 Jamie, stop by Twitter.
00:32:38.000 You gotta cut them.
00:32:39.000 I'm just saying, but like, slaves weren't all immediately released, and once the law passed, they didn't just say, you're free.
00:32:44.000 That's a good point.
00:32:44.000 But what I meant was, when it was a- I just like, I don't know the date you were looking for.
00:32:49.000 It happened gradually over time, so.
00:32:52.000 Yeah, because of the Civil War, right?
00:32:54.000 Civil War ended in 1875?
00:32:56.000 Is that when it ended?
00:32:56.000 65. It ended at 65?
00:32:58.000 But the resolution to abolish slavery was passed.
00:33:02.000 Emancipation Proclamation.
00:33:03.000 Is that what 65?
00:33:04.000 64-ish.
00:33:05.000 I don't know the exact day I looked it up.
00:33:06.000 And then the Civil War ended just a couple years later, right?
00:33:11.000 Emancipation Proclamation, January 1st, 1863. 63. And then the war ended 1865. Yeah.
00:33:18.000 That's not that long.
00:33:19.000 Like, 60 years later, they're doing Meme!
00:33:23.000 Meme! 0.99
00:33:23.000 You ever heard it? 0.99
00:33:24.000 Uh-uh.
00:33:26.000 It's so weird.
00:33:27.000 Let's say it's weird watching old movies, period.
00:33:30.000 Yeah.
00:33:31.000 Like, the 1920s and shit.
00:33:32.000 It's like, it's so...
00:33:34.000 I watched King Kong with my kids.
00:33:36.000 I had them watch the original King Kong.
00:33:39.000 Wow.
00:33:39.000 And they were like, are we gonna be scared?
00:33:40.000 This was a few years back, like, when, um...
00:33:45.000 One was six and one was four.
00:33:47.000 We're nervous.
00:33:48.000 We're scared.
00:33:48.000 I go, don't be scared.
00:33:49.000 It's not scary.
00:33:50.000 Just trust me.
00:33:51.000 You're going to think it's funny.
00:33:52.000 They were laughing.
00:33:54.000 They thought it was so funny.
00:33:55.000 It looked so bad.
00:33:57.000 It looked so corny.
00:33:58.000 We're just cuddled up on the couch watching King Kong.
00:34:02.000 It looked so corny, like the claymation.
00:34:08.000 It's just weird that back then that was a horror movie.
00:34:11.000 Like, people would go to the movie like, that was terrifying.
00:34:13.000 Yes, it was.
00:34:14.000 I'm gonna go get a sandwich.
00:34:16.000 My goodness.
00:34:17.000 I'm gonna go get a coffee for a penny.
00:34:19.000 I saw the new Halloween movie the other day.
00:34:21.000 How was that?
00:34:22.000 It was awesome.
00:34:23.000 Really?
00:34:23.000 They actually did it.
00:34:25.000 They made a great movie, a great reboot.
00:34:28.000 It was awesome.
00:34:29.000 If you've ever enjoyed any moment or know anything about Michael Myers at all, it's unbelievable.
00:34:35.000 Wow.
00:34:36.000 Really great.
00:34:37.000 It's like modern day.
00:34:39.000 They make Jamie Lee Curtis a badass.
00:34:41.000 She's her age.
00:34:42.000 It's bothered her her whole life.
00:34:44.000 All anyone wants to talk with her about is that.
00:34:47.000 She lifted weights and shit? 1.00
00:34:48.000 She holds herself up in this big...
00:34:50.000 She builds a compound with fences and everything in case he ever...
00:34:55.000 She fucking comes back and she teaches herself how to shoot. 1.00
00:34:59.000 It's like real awesome, dude.
00:35:02.000 You fucking love it.
00:35:04.000 I couldn't believe it.
00:35:05.000 The rest of the night I was saying to my wife, I can't believe how great that movie was.
00:35:09.000 And she loved it too.
00:35:10.000 So it's like all around awesome.
00:35:12.000 What does Rotten Tomatoes say about it?
00:35:14.000 Those people are all crazy.
00:35:17.000 I don't listen to any of these people's opinions.
00:35:20.000 I went to a Yelp review the other day because there's this restaurant that I really like that's near my house.
00:35:26.000 And I said, I wonder how it gets reviewed on Yelp.
00:35:29.000 And it was like all five stars except one.
00:35:32.000 One, one star.
00:35:33.000 And it was like a crazy review where some woman was, she was yelling, she was complaining that tips, that if you tip on a credit card that they don't get it until the end of the week and then it gets taxed.
00:35:48.000 Is that how it always works?
00:35:50.000 Or do you get it at night?
00:35:51.000 Do they cash you out?
00:35:52.000 Depends on the restaurant.
00:35:53.000 Depends on the restaurant.
00:35:54.000 But I felt like that was probably common, that some restaurants will give you, with your weekly check, all of your tips for the week.
00:36:03.000 It's not typical.
00:36:03.000 Yeah, that would be if they're pooling, perhaps, all the tips of the week together and splitting it amongst everybody, which only a really, really, really good restaurant would do.
00:36:14.000 That seems like it doesn't encourage performance, though, right?
00:36:19.000 Well, at that level of restaurants, the performance is a given.
00:36:24.000 They're probably splitting vast sums of money because it's a full-blown machine.
00:36:28.000 Right, like a five-star restaurant.
00:36:29.000 Exactly.
00:36:30.000 I worked at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse coming out of high school, and I learned pretty much everything there is to know.
00:36:38.000 They make you...
00:36:39.000 Memorize a stack of cards.
00:36:41.000 You have to know everything, and the whole thing's a well-oiled machine.
00:36:43.000 I was a food runner, which basically means that I had to make sure that everything going to the tables was perfectly set up, because there's no fixing it once it leaves the door, right?
00:36:53.000 So you're basically the final approver of everything, and the server's just waiting at the table, or follows behind you.
00:37:00.000 You sit the tray down, and they do it, and you get 10% of all the server's tips.
00:37:30.000 Well, this restaurant's a very nice restaurant.
00:37:32.000 Yeah.
00:37:32.000 So anyway, I looked at this lady's one-star review.
00:37:35.000 Like one star out of five stars.
00:37:37.000 And I always have a big smile on my face when I see a one-star review.
00:37:40.000 Because that means this bitch is going to have a lot of one-star reviews if you go to her page. 1.00
00:37:45.000 So I went to her page.
00:37:46.000 It was all one-star reviews.
00:37:49.000 This fucking malcontent.
00:37:50.000 This monster.
00:37:51.000 It was just going everywhere and complaining about everything from fucking nail salons to movie theaters. 1.00
00:37:56.000 Like everything.
00:37:57.000 It's crazy.
00:37:58.000 I don't think trolls know that anybody is just one click away from them being completely exposed.
00:38:05.000 It's the same thing on Twitter or really anything, right?
00:38:09.000 You see someone say something crazy, you just click on their profile and it's...
00:38:14.000 All crazy.
00:38:14.000 All crazy.
00:38:15.000 All the time.
00:38:16.000 To everybody.
00:38:17.000 Yeah.
00:38:17.000 They're complaining about everything.
00:38:19.000 After Roseanne was on, I got a bunch of people that tweeted at me with these wacky conspiracies, like wacky mind control conspiracies.
00:38:31.000 And what it seemed to me to be, I'm not a professional, but if I had to guess, a wave of mentally ill people were contacting me.
00:38:41.000 And I was reading this, and I was like, Jesus Christ.
00:38:43.000 How many of these fucking people are out there that believe, like, the most nuttiest CIA-based mind control experiments and NSA, you know, tapping into everything in your home and listening to your conversations by listening to the vibrations off of your window panes?
00:39:01.000 Like, here's what people don't know.
00:39:03.000 Who's got time for that?
00:39:05.000 Here's the thing.
00:39:06.000 Do you really think there's enough people in the world to be paying attention to all the people in the world?
00:39:12.000 Does that make any sense to you?
00:39:14.000 It shouldn't.
00:39:15.000 There's no way everybody's watching everybody.
00:39:18.000 Right.
00:39:18.000 There's not enough people.
00:39:20.000 See?
00:39:20.000 Like, if you do something, like, say...
00:39:22.000 Tony Hinchcliffe runs for president.
00:39:24.000 Oh, they're gonna fucking watch you for sure.
00:39:26.000 They're gonna find out what- why is Tony Hinchcliffe running for president?
00:39:29.000 Who's backing him?
00:39:29.000 Is it George Soros?
00:39:31.000 Who's looking out for Tony Hinchcliffe?
00:39:33.000 You know, who's trying to- who's for- yeah, they'll check you out.
00:39:36.000 But the average person is like- remember that Mel Gibson movie, Conspiracy Theory?
00:39:41.000 Remember that?
00:39:43.000 He played a mentally ill person.
00:39:45.000 Who fell in love with Julia Roberts.
00:39:47.000 He was like a hot, mentally ill person. 0.96
00:39:49.000 And he just believed everything was a conspiracy theory.
00:39:54.000 I watched it the other day.
00:39:56.000 Like, out of nowhere.
00:39:56.000 It was on TV. And I said, let me watch this for a little bit.
00:39:58.000 And I was like, wow, how fucking wacky is this movie?
00:40:01.000 People that have schizophrenia don't realize that they're schizophrenic.
00:40:06.000 Exactly.
00:40:06.000 People with bipolar notice.
00:40:08.000 They might be aware that they're having an episode.
00:40:11.000 People OCD, they're OCD, ADD, ADD. Schizophrenia, it's game, set, match.
00:40:17.000 You start hearing the voices become a normal thing.
00:40:21.000 Like you think everybody can hear them and you're not really acknowledging them because they become so natural.
00:40:26.000 The schizophrenic person can be in a psych ward and say to their doctor, why am I here?
00:40:33.000 And that's a breakthrough.
00:40:34.000 Yeah.
00:40:35.000 Yeah.
00:40:36.000 Do you know Mark Maron heard voices in his head for over a year?
00:40:40.000 Oh my goodness.
00:40:41.000 After partying with Kinnison?
00:40:44.000 That's a hard Kennison party.
00:40:46.000 Yeah.
00:40:46.000 We're pussies.
00:40:47.000 Man.
00:40:48.000 We really are.
00:40:49.000 I was talking to Argus the other day at the back door.
00:40:54.000 And it's just like, my God, I literally said the words.
00:40:57.000 Like, I'm like, I wish I was, I wish I had started back when you started, man.
00:41:03.000 Really?
00:41:03.000 Because he was talking about we ended up getting off on this whole, I don't know how we got there, but we started off on this whole tangent about just, you know, sobriety and stuff.
00:41:13.000 And he's like, man, you know, back in my day.
00:41:17.000 And he was, I can't remember the exact dialogue, but it was just...
00:41:21.000 Yeah, I mean those guys were all, it was all just a blur.
00:41:24.000 I learned something from Argus.
00:41:26.000 You know, Argus runs like insane numbers of miles every day.
00:41:30.000 Like 12 miles, 15 miles a day.
00:41:33.000 The addict in him, the guy that loved getting wasted, that's his high now.
00:41:37.000 He talks about it all the time, his runner's high.
00:41:39.000 It's real, dude.
00:41:40.000 It's real.
00:41:41.000 I know now, because of this month.
00:41:44.000 This month, this sober October month, dude, I worked out no less than at least two hours.
00:41:49.000 That's a small workout.
00:41:51.000 A small workout where that's all I could get in was two hours.
00:41:54.000 The longest I did, I did six hours one day.
00:41:57.000 Good lord.
00:41:58.000 Six hours of insane cardio.
00:42:00.000 That's like both kill bills, dude.
00:42:01.000 I did seven hours of cardio in the last two days.
00:42:05.000 Between yesterday and the day before, seven hours of hard cardio.
00:42:08.000 Different stuff.
00:42:09.000 Running the hills with the dog.
00:42:11.000 Elliptical machine or the rowing machine?
00:42:12.000 You know you're competing with fat people, right?
00:42:15.000 No, I'm competing with myself.
00:42:17.000 First of all, my main competition is Ari Shafir.
00:42:20.000 And whether you realize it or not, Ari Shafir, even though he doesn't exercise, Ari has a strong mind.
00:42:26.000 He's a very strong mind.
00:42:28.000 Ari ran 15 miles the other day.
00:42:30.000 15 miles.
00:42:31.000 He rode 5 kilometers.
00:42:33.000 And then after he rode five kilometers, he did something else.
00:42:38.000 He rode his bike.
00:42:38.000 He rode a bike for a certain amount of miles.
00:42:40.000 How long did it take him to run 15 miles?
00:42:42.000 The whole thing, his whole workout was, I think, four hours.
00:42:46.000 Goodness, he's got that power Jew gene. 1.00
00:42:48.000 He's got that escape from concentration camp gene.
00:42:51.000 Dude, you saw how fucking hard he was going on the rowing machine?
00:42:54.000 He goes hard, dude.
00:42:56.000 He stayed in the 80% on the rowing machine for an hour.
00:42:59.000 I mean, he really did.
00:43:00.000 I saw him.
00:43:01.000 I was out there with him.
00:43:02.000 I filmed it.
00:43:03.000 I put it up on Instagram.
00:43:04.000 That's that point.
00:43:05.000 When Bert was making fun of him for being at 75 for just walking, isn't that him being out of shape?
00:43:10.000 It's not.
00:43:11.000 Because when Bert and him went walking, he was in way better shape than Bert.
00:43:14.000 See, Ari rides his bike in New York, and he walks a lot in New York, and even though he's not in great shape, like in terms of a guy who runs, in comparison to Bert, he's in fantastic shape.
00:43:25.000 When they went hiking together, Bert had to stop, like a bunch of times, like, we're going to stop, we're going to stop, and Ari was pissed off.
00:43:31.000 He's like, why do I have to stop, because you're fat?
00:43:33.000 Like, he's like yelling at him.
00:43:34.000 Yeah.
00:43:35.000 So he wanted to see what would happen if the two of them went out together and did the exact same hiking.
00:43:40.000 Because Bert was saying, oh, it's because you're not in shape, so your heart is always at 80%.
00:43:45.000 No.
00:43:46.000 Ari in a week is in way better shape than Bert is in his whole life of working out and drinking vodka every night.
00:43:52.000 Compared to Bert.
00:43:53.000 But compared to Bert.
00:43:55.000 But my point is, he was my real competition.
00:43:57.000 I was very much worried about him.
00:44:00.000 So, up until two days ago, everything seemed to be going good.
00:44:05.000 I was working out really hard, and it was hard.
00:44:08.000 It's hard to do three hours a day.
00:44:10.000 It's three and a half hours a day.
00:44:12.000 Two days in a row, it was three and a half hours a day.
00:44:15.000 But I started peeing and it started coming out dark.
00:44:19.000 Oh no.
00:44:20.000 Like iced tea.
00:44:21.000 Oh shit, this sounds like a guy at a port-a-potty's dream.
00:44:25.000 Oh, give me that sweet tea! 0.96
00:44:29.000 Oh, that sweet tea!
00:44:31.000 What does he say at the end?
00:44:33.000 Oh, bless you goddess. 0.98
00:44:35.000 Oh, bless you goddess for your sweet tea.
00:44:37.000 I was famished.
00:44:40.000 Yeah.
00:44:41.000 It didn't look good.
00:44:43.000 Oof.
00:44:44.000 And today I had to go to some thing at my kid's school.
00:44:47.000 We had some Halloween thing.
00:44:48.000 And I had to go up three flights of stairs.
00:44:51.000 Three long flights of stairs.
00:44:53.000 I got to the top.
00:44:54.000 First of all, I barely made it up the stairs.
00:44:56.000 I got to the top.
00:44:57.000 I was out of breath.
00:44:58.000 And my legs were shaking.
00:45:00.000 Whoa.
00:45:00.000 Three flights of stairs.
00:45:02.000 And I was like, okay.
00:45:03.000 I might have fucked something up.
00:45:05.000 Oh, man.
00:45:06.000 That was today?
00:45:07.000 That was today.
00:45:08.000 Jeez.
00:45:08.000 That was today.
00:45:09.000 What does it mean?
00:45:11.000 I think my body's breaking down.
00:45:14.000 I think I've got serious muscle breakdown.
00:45:17.000 To the point, my muscles are so sore that I'm ignoring that they're sore.
00:45:23.000 And even though they're really, really sore, I'm still doing three hours of cardio.
00:45:27.000 I limped up to the trail when I ran with my dog yesterday.
00:45:32.000 And then I ran two miles.
00:45:33.000 And then after I ran two miles, I did an hour and a half on the elliptical machine.
00:45:38.000 And then after I did an hour and a half on the elliptical machine, I did 45 minutes of kicking the bag.
00:45:43.000 Punching and kicking the bag.
00:45:44.000 I took two naps yesterday.
00:45:46.000 Two separate naps.
00:45:48.000 My point is, Argus taught me something by telling me about this high that you get from all this cardio.
00:45:55.000 And I was like, what kind of fucking nonsense is that?
00:45:58.000 I knew that there was an endorphin high, but I didn't think it was really specific.
00:46:02.000 But there's a very specific high that you get, and it's like, if you could take a pill that puts you in the state of mind that I am when I work out this much, everybody would take it.
00:46:13.000 And the world would be a better place.
00:46:14.000 Because you don't give a fuck.
00:46:16.000 You don't give a fuck about anything.
00:46:17.000 I mean, not that you don't care about people and friends and loved ones, but there's no anxiety.
00:46:22.000 There's no...
00:46:22.000 All the chatter, all the negative chatter that you get in your brain that you have to, like, push off and ignore, that shuts off.
00:46:29.000 It's gone.
00:46:30.000 Non-existent.
00:46:32.000 And I wonder how much of that is there because your brain is almost trying to create problems and conflict because you're not getting enough exercise.
00:46:41.000 Yeah.
00:46:42.000 Because your body's supposed to get a specific amount of exercise.
00:46:45.000 My dog is, I think, like eight months old or something now.
00:46:48.000 And I've learned a lot from having this dog this time.
00:46:52.000 Like, I didn't notice a lot of stuff with the other dogs that I've raised in the past.
00:46:56.000 Because with this one, it's very clear.
00:46:59.000 And I mean, they're all that way.
00:47:01.000 But if you don't work it out, and you don't take it and exercise it...
00:47:05.000 She's crazy. 0.60
00:47:07.000 She can be a nut. 1.00
00:47:08.000 And she shows you by being weird.
00:47:11.000 Not necessarily destroying stuff.
00:47:14.000 But, you know, just being weird.
00:47:17.000 Little things.
00:47:18.000 Nibbling at your finger a different way with just your little front teeth.
00:47:21.000 Sort of like telling you something.
00:47:23.000 Like, hey dude, I need to fucking get some exercise in.
00:47:26.000 And we're all that same way.
00:47:29.000 So our brain is going to make more complex ways for us to be freaked out.
00:47:34.000 Basically run for our lives, right?
00:47:37.000 Yeah, like if I don't just I mean again, I barely Do cardio, but I do do it pretty consistently, but it's short.
00:47:44.000 It's like a mile or two.
00:47:46.000 That's all you need.
00:47:46.000 Yeah, but and it cleanses the palate it's like ginger between sushi slices and And if I go without it, absolutely it compiles.
00:47:56.000 I'll wake up bitter and angry about something.
00:47:59.000 I'll see something on, you know, somewhere or something or work-wise and stress out about it and like, why this and that?
00:48:07.000 Stuff that doesn't make any sense at all.
00:48:08.000 Right.
00:48:09.000 Yeah.
00:48:09.000 And if you were in a good state of mind, you'd be like, eh, who gives a fuck?
00:48:12.000 Exactly.
00:48:13.000 But instead you'd dwell on it.
00:48:14.000 Yeah.
00:48:14.000 So your brain's like trying to come up with problems.
00:48:16.000 Yeah.
00:48:17.000 Because it wants us to do something.
00:48:19.000 My dog Marshall's like that hardcore.
00:48:21.000 Because Marshall's in shape.
00:48:22.000 Because he runs miles with me all the time.
00:48:25.000 So that dog's ready to go.
00:48:27.000 And so it's like, we're running, right?
00:48:28.000 We're running today?
00:48:29.000 I'm like, no, not today, dude.
00:48:30.000 I've got to work.
00:48:31.000 What the fuck am I going to do with myself?
00:48:33.000 He'll just start chewing socks and doing things that he's not supposed to do.
00:48:39.000 He's just a ball of energy.
00:48:42.000 At least he doesn't have like anxiety and negative chatter.
00:48:45.000 The complex human mind when it doesn't have enough energy output.
00:48:48.000 I always think of the brain as almost like a battery that has a lid on it and there's like energy is like flowing out of the battery and spilling over the sides and causing a mess.
00:48:57.000 Because you got to expand or expend a certain amount of energy every day in order to keep it clean.
00:49:03.000 Just keep everything going well.
00:49:04.000 Yeah.
00:49:05.000 Dude, I feel fucking great.
00:49:06.000 Other than the fact that I can't walk good.
00:49:09.000 Yeah.
00:49:10.000 But it's just, I went too hard.
00:49:11.000 It's just too hard.
00:49:12.000 But I wanted to get so far ahead.
00:49:15.000 My goal was to get so far ahead that no one could catch up.
00:49:19.000 I was like, they could do these big days every now and then.
00:49:23.000 I go, but it's hard to do a big day and then do another big day and then do another big day.
00:49:27.000 That's what's hard.
00:49:28.000 I'm like, that's where I'll get them.
00:49:30.000 I'll get them in the like, when you wake up, you're like, not today.
00:49:34.000 That's the day you gotta go.
00:49:36.000 Yeah.
00:49:36.000 That's like, I wanted to put some distance Between them.
00:49:40.000 So what I did was I did one day where I did six hours.
00:49:43.000 I did five hours in the morning, actually five and a half.
00:49:46.000 Then I did another hour at night.
00:49:48.000 So it was basically six and a half hours.
00:49:49.000 And I got a thousand points for the day.
00:49:51.000 And they were like, what?
00:49:53.000 A thousand thirty-five, actually.
00:49:55.000 Good God.
00:49:58.000 Like, I guarantee you that when Maren was hearing those voices during that Kinison time that he wasn't working out.
00:50:03.000 No, he doesn't work out now, I don't think.
00:50:05.000 Right.
00:50:05.000 It's easy for a comedian to not work out, and then when you factor that in that it's not a normal job, and you can go from your bed to your car to the venue to sit down at a table to wait till you go on stage, then you do that, you stand up,
00:50:21.000 I don't think that had anything to do with it.
00:50:23.000 I think it was cocaine.
00:50:24.000 They did so much cocaine, they were up for days.
00:50:27.000 Yeah.
00:50:27.000 That's what it was.
00:50:28.000 He broke his brain.
00:50:29.000 And physically not doing anything, right.
00:50:31.000 That too, but I mean, I think the big factor was the cocaine.
00:50:34.000 Doing cocaine with Kinesin, I think he just popped a fuse.
00:50:39.000 Can you imagine?
00:50:40.000 Fucking up for days and days, and Kinesin's like, where's the blow?
00:50:43.000 Where's the blow?
00:50:44.000 Oh, oh! 0.58
00:50:45.000 And you're like, I'm only 22, man.
00:50:47.000 I gotta get out of here.
00:50:48.000 I have a future.
00:50:48.000 I have a life.
00:50:49.000 Oh.
00:50:52.000 Do you know that he, Kinison, and Roseanne have something really serious in common?
00:50:57.000 They were both hit by cars when they were very young, and their personality radically changed.
00:51:03.000 Wow.
00:51:03.000 Yeah.
00:51:04.000 Yeah, and that was one of the things that I really wanted to cover with Roseanne when I had her on the podcast, because all these people were calling her a racist, and alt-right, and this and that, all these different things.
00:51:14.000 I'm like, listen, you don't understand this woman. 1.00
00:51:16.000 First of all, one of the greatest stand-up comics of all time.
00:51:19.000 Yep.
00:51:21.000 Mentally ill and talks about it openly and is very honest about her troubles and what happened She was committed to a mental institution for nine months after this car accident I mean she was hit in the fucking head by a car The car was driving the sunlight was in her face.
00:51:37.000 She couldn't see clipped her in the intersection sent her flying She was in intensive care for a long fucking time, in a coma for a long fucking time. 0.97
00:51:47.000 Came out of it, was fucked up, couldn't concentrate in school, and then they committed her to a mental institution for nine months.
00:51:53.000 Good lad.
00:51:54.000 I mean, that is a long time.
00:51:57.000 Yeah, the hood ornament spiked her fucking head, dude. 1.00
00:52:00.000 Yeah.
00:52:01.000 So when people are talking about her, like, this is all something that she planned out because she's an evil person, that's like saying to a person who has a broken leg, why are you limping?
00:52:11.000 Yeah.
00:52:12.000 It's really like that.
00:52:14.000 Like, one of the reasons why she was so brilliant as a comedian, other than she worked hard and she writes and, you know, she's got a great mind for it.
00:52:23.000 One of the reasons was...
00:52:25.000 She truly was like incredibly impulsive and Insane and this is what allowed her to say things that other people wouldn't say Especially back then like people have to realize when Roseanne Barr was huge She was huge before I ever did comedy. 1.00
00:52:43.000 She was huge.
00:52:45.000 When she was huge, there was no women like her. 1.00
00:52:47.000 No one.
00:52:48.000 She was fat. 1.00
00:52:50.000 She didn't give a fuck. 1.00
00:52:51.000 She would go on stage.
00:52:53.000 She would talk mad shit. 1.00
00:52:55.000 It would be hilarious.
00:52:56.000 She would kill.
00:52:57.000 She would kill, dude. 1.00
00:52:58.000 I remember watching her kill on HBO when I was probably 18 or something like that.
00:53:04.000 She's one of Mitzi's true, like, success stories, right?
00:53:09.000 Did you guys talk about that?
00:53:10.000 Her being on in the main room and then being on, like, Carson weeks later?
00:53:14.000 She booked Carson in one of her first spots.
00:53:16.000 I think we talked about that the first time.
00:53:17.000 We might not have.
00:53:19.000 Yeah.
00:53:19.000 It's hard to remember.
00:53:20.000 She's a comedy store, like, for comedy store fans and historians.
00:53:25.000 Like, she's, like, an anomaly.
00:53:26.000 Because I'm pretty sure her first ever spot as a paid regular was in the main room, which was a big deal at the time.
00:53:34.000 And from that spot, she got The Tonight Show like a week or two later.
00:53:38.000 Like she got booked from her first paid regular spot to The Tonight Show.
00:53:43.000 From The Tonight Show, got a sitcom deal.
00:53:45.000 Like was a huge overnight success.
00:53:48.000 So it all went like, bing, bing, bow!
00:53:50.000 Yeah.
00:53:51.000 One thing that she talked about the first time she did the podcast was that she lost her mind when all that was going on.
00:53:56.000 She's like, oh, I went crazy.
00:53:58.000 I lost my mind.
00:54:00.000 The kind of pressure to go from being a housewife in Denver to like a couple years later, being one of the biggest stars in the world.
00:54:08.000 Like that.
00:54:10.000 Yeah.
00:54:10.000 There's no...
00:54:11.000 Yeah, that's...
00:54:12.000 It takes...
00:54:13.000 It takes...
00:54:14.000 Yeah, that would drive anybody crazy.
00:54:17.000 The whole thing's crazy because also waiting for it's crazy and working towards it's crazy and the whole thing's crazy.
00:54:23.000 So to get it all at once, that seems crazier than anything because then you're like, oh my God, I'm not ready for this.
00:54:28.000 What am I going to do?
00:54:29.000 At least most of the time in show business, right?
00:54:31.000 It takes 10, 15, 20, 25 years.
00:54:34.000 Yeah.
00:54:35.000 So you're usually like, I've been ready for this.
00:54:38.000 Yeah.
00:54:38.000 Or you do all those years and then you're an overnight success like Tiffany Haddish.
00:54:43.000 Right.
00:54:43.000 Tiffany Haddish did a bunch of years and then out of nowhere she becomes a giant success.
00:54:48.000 Yeah.
00:54:48.000 But she prepared by doing all those years.
00:54:51.000 For Roseanne Barr it was like instantaneous.
00:54:55.000 The thing that bothered me most about all that stuff was how quickly everyone wanted to just cancel her, get rid of her, stop her from working ever again.
00:55:04.000 I don't want to hear her side of it.
00:55:06.000 There's no room for explanation.
00:55:08.000 There's no room for discussion.
00:55:10.000 There's no room for...
00:55:12.000 Just get rid of her. 1.00
00:55:13.000 Out! 0.58
00:55:13.000 We went from wanting to see people become stars, American Idol, America's Got Talent, to watching people's dreams get destroyed. 0.58
00:55:21.000 That's the new obsession.
00:55:23.000 The new thing is, we've seen people make it.
00:55:27.000 Let's watch the dream get crushed.
00:55:29.000 You're already rich?
00:55:30.000 Get out of here.
00:55:30.000 Get out of here, Trump.
00:55:32.000 Get out of here, Roseanne. 1.00
00:55:33.000 Get out of here, Kanye.
00:55:34.000 It's like these people, I mean, except for Trump, I mean Trump's its own thing, but like trying to like destroy people that are artists, it's the weirdest thing.
00:55:46.000 Well, it's people that are on the outside that are watching these people live these spectacular lives, and if something goes wrong, they're happy, because then that person has to be a regular person again, or even worse, they have to be a has-been, which people love.
00:56:00.000 People love a has-been.
00:56:01.000 Yeah.
00:56:02.000 Like, I remember one guy was shitting on Gary Coleman because Gary Coleman was a security guard.
00:56:07.000 I was having this conversation with him.
00:56:09.000 He was, like, laughing.
00:56:10.000 That Gary Coleman from Different Strokes, that was his show?
00:56:14.000 Was a security guard.
00:56:15.000 He's like, that fucking guy's a security guard now, man.
00:56:18.000 And I was like, okay.
00:56:19.000 But if you saw, like, a regular security guard, would you go, ha!
00:56:22.000 Yeah, that fucking guy's a security guard.
00:56:24.000 You wouldn't do that, right?
00:56:26.000 You'd go, oh, there's a security guard.
00:56:28.000 Hey, what's up, man?
00:56:29.000 Yeah, I'm going to Building 3. Here's my ID. He'd be normal, right?
00:56:32.000 But because he was famous, Being a security guard's a joke, and he's a loser.
00:56:38.000 Like, there was joy and glee in this guy describing how Gary Coleman, who was born, like, with a disease.
00:56:46.000 I mean, he's deformed. 0.98
00:56:47.000 He's this tiny person with a fucked up body.
00:56:50.000 His whole body's a mess.
00:56:52.000 I mean, he's physically a mess.
00:56:54.000 His health is fucked up.
00:56:55.000 This guy was...
00:56:58.000 Taking joy out of the fact that he was a security guard now.
00:57:01.000 It's like, wow, this is a weird tendency that people have to watch people that they think had it better than them fall.
00:57:09.000 Yeah, the guy that was bagging groceries from Whatchamacallits.
00:57:13.000 Oh yeah, from the Cosby Show.
00:57:15.000 Yeah.
00:57:15.000 Yeah, apparently Tyler Perry gave that guy a job.
00:57:21.000 Shout out to Tyler Perry.
00:57:24.000 Casted him as a grocery bagger in some movie.
00:57:27.000 Gave him double the money.
00:57:30.000 Yeah, no.
00:57:31.000 He said, I love the fact that the guy's hustling.
00:57:33.000 He's out there working.
00:57:34.000 There's no shame in working.
00:57:36.000 Right.
00:57:36.000 The fact that people are so obsessed with that, that there's a shame in it.
00:57:41.000 There's a shame in just having a job and working.
00:57:44.000 It's very strange.
00:57:46.000 It's very strange how people are attached to that.
00:57:49.000 You know, that they immediately think that this is something to mock and make fun of.
00:57:55.000 You know, I mean, it was almost universal.
00:57:57.000 So many people were doing stories on that guy bagging groceries.
00:57:59.000 Mm-hmm.
00:58:02.000 Yeah.
00:58:02.000 It's the age we live in, man.
00:58:04.000 People want to see people break.
00:58:05.000 If anybody's doing anything, there's a chance.
00:58:09.000 They're just waiting.
00:58:10.000 People are so mad.
00:58:11.000 Look, if Megyn Kelly, if we didn't know what her contract was, right?
00:58:16.000 If it was just some...
00:58:17.000 In fact, let's say we did know.
00:58:19.000 Let's say she was getting paid barely what we would ever guess, right?
00:58:23.000 Let's say she's getting paid, I don't know, $100,000 a year at her new job at NBC. She'd probably still have the job, right? 0.94
00:58:31.000 I mean, it's the whole crazy part is that we all know she got paid $68 million for three years for what?
00:58:38.000 Right?
00:58:39.000 That's the whole take.
00:58:40.000 So it's like, you know, let's get, you know, what people are watching.
00:58:44.000 Like, what'd you just say about Halloween costumes?
00:58:48.000 That's it.
00:58:48.000 We got her.
00:58:49.000 We got her.
00:58:51.000 Yeah.
00:58:51.000 Did you ever hear it?
00:58:52.000 Uh-uh.
00:58:53.000 Play it.
00:58:54.000 Megyn Kelly shit.
00:58:55.000 What do you guys have, like a button?
00:58:56.000 No, no, which comment, like the apology or the original comment?
00:58:59.000 No, the apology was hilarious.
00:59:01.000 This woman said that, some woman from Australia said that it seems like a hostage video.
00:59:05.000 The only thing that's missing is her holding up a newspaper with a date on it.
00:59:10.000 I retweeted it.
00:59:11.000 I'm like, it so does.
00:59:13.000 And then somebody else said, well, if you, there's one of the, one of the things about it that's so strange is how insincere it seems.
00:59:21.000 Like, forced.
00:59:22.000 Like, it's from a Forrester.
00:59:24.000 It's her apology.
00:59:25.000 Yeah.
00:59:25.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:59:26.000 The apology seems forced.
00:59:27.000 Yeah, no, I haven't seen that.
00:59:28.000 But the, but forget the apology.
00:59:30.000 Let's play the actual video.
00:59:31.000 It's actually, if I remember correctly, it's two comments.
00:59:33.000 She makes one and then they come back.
00:59:35.000 Oh, really?
00:59:35.000 It's like the second comment, I think, was the one that was the issue.
00:59:37.000 Oh, really?
00:59:37.000 What was the first comment?
00:59:40.000 Again, I don't remember.
00:59:42.000 There was a controversy on the Real Housewives of New York with Luann.
00:59:45.000 And she dresses Diana Ross.
00:59:47.000 And she made her skin look darker than it really is. 0.97
00:59:50.000 And people said that that was racist.
00:59:52.000 And I don't know, I felt like, who doesn't love Diana Ross?
00:59:55.000 She wants to look like Diana Ross for one day. 0.97
00:59:57.000 I don't know how that got racist on Halloween.
01:00:01.000 See, that's the first one.
01:00:05.000 But it's weird when you watch it now.
01:00:08.000 Like, you know, this is her demise.
01:00:11.000 Like, you're watching the stumble when she trips off the rock and falls off the cliff.
01:00:17.000 This is the stumble.
01:00:19.000 Like, I don't get it.
01:00:20.000 How is that racist?
01:00:22.000 Do you want to be Diana Ross?
01:00:23.000 Then play it again.
01:00:26.000 That was a wrap.
01:00:37.000 My favorite one of hers that she ever said was they were doing this thing on Fox News about Santa Claus, and someone had something about Santa Claus being black.
01:00:52.000 They did something about Santa Claus being black.
01:00:54.000 And she just went, well, Santa Claus is definitely white.
01:00:59.000 And she was like, I think she said it to kids, like, kids, Santa Claus is definitely right.
01:01:04.000 Or kids, Santa Claus is real, and he's definitely white.
01:01:07.000 I forget what the exact terminology was.
01:01:10.000 But she basically said Santa Claus is definitely white.
01:01:13.000 Like, Santa Claus isn't fucking real.
01:01:15.000 Okay, that's like saying Spider-Man's definitely white. 0.57
01:01:18.000 She didn't get fired from Fox for saying that.
01:01:20.000 She probably got a raise for saying that, right?
01:01:22.000 Yeah, they licked her toes.
01:01:22.000 Whole different thing at Fox.
01:01:24.000 Well, it was then.
01:01:25.000 They don't want her now.
01:01:26.000 Yeah.
01:01:27.000 She wanted to go back.
01:01:28.000 They're like, nah, we're good.
01:01:30.000 Yeah, they wouldn't even take her back.
01:01:31.000 The thing is, you can't go from being an ice princess in a conservative right-wing channel to being like Oprah.
01:01:39.000 She was trying to be like Oprah. 0.61
01:01:41.000 Yeah, I don't...
01:01:42.000 I'll never really get what NBC was thinking there.
01:01:45.000 They were thinking, cha-ching!
01:01:47.000 Get that paper!
01:01:48.000 They thought those people were just going to come over?
01:01:51.000 Yeah, that's exactly what they thought.
01:01:52.000 They thought she has a giant fan base. 0.82
01:01:54.000 But she had a fan base for sure.
01:01:56.000 Some came over.
01:01:57.000 But a lot of her fan base was because she was the beautiful conservative woman who was very tough, very articulate, very smart. 1.00
01:02:07.000 And they liked that.
01:02:08.000 She was an ice princess.
01:02:09.000 And she would shut people down if they were incorrect and she wouldn't let people talk over her.
01:02:14.000 She was powerful, kind of frightening in a hot way.
01:02:17.000 Yeah.
01:02:18.000 Woo! 0.99
01:02:19.000 Fox News has a bunch of those chicks just waiting. 1.00
01:02:22.000 Waiting in the helms.
01:02:24.000 You know what they're like?
01:02:24.000 They're like that closet in Ex Machina when the dude opens it up and sees all these robots with different skin and faces and...
01:02:32.000 They have so many of them.
01:02:34.000 Just teleprompters ready to roll with big letters so they can read it clearly.
01:02:39.000 We'll tell you what you like.
01:02:40.000 They're making a movie and these three are the anchors for Fox News.
01:02:46.000 Argo Robbie, Nicole Kidman, and Charlize Theron.
01:02:50.000 Wouldn't mind being on the other end of that porta potty.
01:02:55.000 How dare you?
01:02:57.000 See, you could get fired for that.
01:02:59.000 Imagine if you were on a show and you said that, that would be the end.
01:03:02.000 Like that.
01:03:03.000 This is a beautiful thing about podcasts.
01:03:05.000 Nobody gives a fuck that you said that.
01:03:07.000 It has zero consequences.
01:03:10.000 But let's pretend that you were on The Tonight Show and you were a guest and you're like, I don't like being in the end of that port-a-potty.
01:03:16.000 People would be like, oh!
01:03:20.000 Really?
01:03:21.000 Did he really?
01:03:23.000 That woman was just trying to go to the restroom. 1.00
01:03:26.000 You think that's funny?
01:03:28.000 It's crazy what's happening.
01:03:30.000 It's crazy.
01:03:31.000 I've noticed it a little bit in stand-up lately.
01:03:34.000 There's been a couple of these road trips.
01:03:36.000 I did something that you told me not to do, Joe Rogan.
01:03:39.000 You ready for this?
01:03:40.000 You told me not to do it years ago, and I did it. 0.87
01:03:43.000 And it was rough.
01:03:45.000 And I performed stand-up comedy in Connecticut.
01:03:51.000 Was I right?
01:03:52.000 You were right, dude.
01:03:53.000 I told you!
01:03:54.000 It's a place of despair!
01:03:57.000 It's really crazy.
01:03:59.000 So one of the things that happened was, is I noticed this really cool old guy stood out in the front middle of the audience, right?
01:04:07.000 And I'm like, you seem like out of place and cool as hell and old as fuck. 1.00
01:04:11.000 What's your story, dude?
01:04:12.000 Right?
01:04:13.000 And I noticed that there's this angry older lady, almost like Dana Carvey's church lady character sitting next to him.
01:04:21.000 And I go, and who's this angry lady that you're sitting next to? 1.00
01:04:26.000 She doesn't want to be here at all! 0.61
01:04:28.000 And he goes, that's my wife!
01:04:30.000 And they were the most...
01:04:33.000 Different seeming couple you could ever imagine.
01:04:35.000 This happy, smiling, laughing at everything guy and just this...
01:04:39.000 I mean, she was looking at me with hate. 0.67
01:04:41.000 Not just not having fun.
01:04:43.000 She hated me.
01:04:44.000 It could have been something that I talked about early on.
01:04:47.000 Maybe it was like a something about...
01:04:49.000 Probably your Amy Schumer joke.
01:04:50.000 Could have been that.
01:04:50.000 Could have been my Me Too joke.
01:04:52.000 Could have been my Trump misdirect joke that people...
01:04:57.000 You know what I mean?
01:04:57.000 Anyway.
01:04:58.000 And...
01:05:00.000 But I noticed next to them, there's this girl who seems even angrier than the mom.
01:05:06.000 And they're the only two angry people in the room.
01:05:09.000 And it's a gig at a casino in Connecticut.
01:05:12.000 Give me her face. 1.00
01:05:12.000 Just literally. 1.00
01:05:14.000 Literally, a modern day, if someone said to a bad actress, play angry, play angry, angrier, angrier, to a horrible actress, like that.
01:05:26.000 And I go, what's the problem?
01:05:33.000 I ignore it for like 45 minutes, right?
01:05:37.000 And I'm going on and on, but the mom's angry. 1.00
01:05:39.000 It turns out that the chick next to them is the daughter.
01:05:42.000 And they're basically mad because of whatever, whatever material or whatever.
01:05:47.000 And I end up, towards the end of my set, going off on the girl.
01:05:50.000 I go, take the scowl off your face.
01:05:55.000 I go, what are you doing?
01:05:56.000 Do you think that's going to affect me?
01:05:59.000 Lady, I'm getting paid the same amount whether you laugh or not.
01:06:03.000 And I'm back to L.A., back!
01:06:05.000 Back to the dream tomorrow!
01:06:06.000 You know what I mean?
01:06:07.000 Like, at this point, I'm just...
01:06:08.000 My fans are loving it, and they're the ones that stumbled into the wrong casino for the wrong show at the wrong time if they were looking for Christian puppet comedy or whatever.
01:06:18.000 And I said to her...
01:06:20.000 I go, you seem like an internet troll that just stumbled in here.
01:06:29.000 You seem like you're going to write about this.
01:06:32.000 You seem like the type of angry where you think you're going to change something or you're going to do something to my career.
01:06:40.000 That's the vibe I get from you.
01:06:42.000 I literally made the jokes.
01:06:43.000 The crowd's loving it, by the way.
01:06:45.000 You know what I mean?
01:06:45.000 Because they can tell, like...
01:06:47.000 Is she saying anything to you, or is she just staring at you?
01:06:49.000 There was one part where I go...
01:06:51.000 I go...
01:06:52.000 Because my goal...
01:06:53.000 The thing that...
01:06:55.000 The reason why I ignored them for a while was because I go, you seem like a tough lady to the mom, right?
01:07:01.000 I go, you seem tough, but I'm going to break you at some point during this set.
01:07:04.000 And when I do, I'm going to make sure this whole room knows.
01:07:07.000 I'm going to say, I gotcha.
01:07:09.000 And I'm not going to tell you when it's going to happen, but I'm going to make you laugh.
01:07:13.000 Anyway, 45 minutes later, I get to the point to where I had in my mind set up that there's no way she's not going to laugh at this.
01:07:22.000 And sure enough, I got a big smile out of her, right?
01:07:26.000 I won't say what the joke is.
01:07:27.000 I don't want to give anything away.
01:07:28.000 But I got the smile.
01:07:30.000 And I'm literally like...
01:07:31.000 And the whole crowd's already laughing.
01:07:33.000 And they can tell that I'm looking to watch to see if the lady breaks.
01:07:37.000 And she doesn't.
01:07:38.000 And I go, how in the...
01:07:40.000 I thought I was going to get you.
01:07:42.000 I thought...
01:07:42.000 I thought I was going to get you on that one.
01:07:44.000 How is it possible that you don't laugh at that?
01:07:47.000 Like, what do you do for fun, lady? 0.53
01:07:50.000 Like, at this point, I'm just all amped up.
01:07:52.000 And I go, what would I have to do to possibly make you laugh?
01:07:56.000 And that's finally when the angry daughter goes... 1.00
01:07:59.000 Be funny.
01:08:00.000 I go, oh no!
01:08:03.000 I've been killing for 52 minutes now!
01:08:07.000 You know what I mean?
01:08:08.000 At this point, whatever.
01:08:10.000 The 99.9% of the other audience is the witness at this point, and they're against this chick, right?
01:08:16.000 Because this chick's now just mad because whatever. 1.00
01:08:20.000 And I go, you seem like the type of girl that thinks that you can even affect An artist.
01:08:28.000 You know what I mean?
01:08:28.000 This is this little millennial, nerdy girl.
01:08:31.000 And sure enough, sure enough, I go on Twitter later that night.
01:08:37.000 At Mohegan Sun, you should not be promoting this comedian.
01:08:43.000 Two days later, my manager gets an email.
01:08:46.000 And he's like, dude, we got this email from some lady in Connecticut that said you were mean to her on stage.
01:08:54.000 I'm like, she wrote you a letter?
01:08:55.000 He's like, it's three paragraphs long.
01:08:57.000 I'm like, what is happening?
01:09:00.000 Like, I mean, what is happening in this world where someone's taking the time to write a letter to my manager, of all people, who, by the way, is laughing at the whole thing?
01:09:11.000 Imagine if your manager dumped you for that.
01:09:13.000 Enough.
01:09:14.000 Right.
01:09:15.000 One audience member in Connecticut.
01:09:16.000 Yeah.
01:09:17.000 We polled the crowd.
01:09:18.000 99% thought you were funny, but that's not good enough.
01:09:21.000 Yeah.
01:09:21.000 We need 100%.
01:09:22.000 But man, you were right, dude.
01:09:25.000 Connecticut is weird.
01:09:26.000 It's a weird place.
01:09:28.000 You could run into a person like that anywhere.
01:09:30.000 Yeah.
01:09:31.000 I mean, I've run into people like that at the store.
01:09:32.000 They sit in the front row with their arms crossed.
01:09:35.000 You're going to run into people like that everywhere.
01:09:36.000 But there's something about Connecticut where there's no real cities.
01:09:40.000 You've got Hartford, which is a land of despair.
01:09:43.000 And you've got New Haven, which is worse.
01:09:44.000 And it's just a highway between Boston and New York.
01:09:47.000 That's all it is.
01:09:49.000 Yeah.
01:09:49.000 Boston's great.
01:09:50.000 New York's great.
01:09:52.000 Connecticut's like, what the fuck are you doing here?
01:09:54.000 What's going on here?
01:09:54.000 It's become such a running joke that Lex Friedman, the scientist from MIT who's on here the other day to talk about artificial intelligence, he brought it up as a joke.
01:10:03.000 What did he say?
01:10:03.000 Do you remember what he said?
01:10:05.000 Something about...
01:10:06.000 I feel like he just wanted you to shit on it.
01:10:10.000 I don't remember exactly what he said.
01:10:11.000 Dude, I did so many gigs in Connecticut.
01:10:13.000 So many.
01:10:14.000 So many.
01:10:15.000 Because I lived in Boston and it was like an hour and a half drive.
01:10:19.000 Two hour drive.
01:10:19.000 You're in Connecticut.
01:10:21.000 We did a lot of gigs there, Greg Fitzsimmons and I. We did a shit ton of gigs in Connecticut.
01:10:25.000 We'd always leave going, what the fuck?
01:10:27.000 Yeah, what was that?
01:10:29.000 It was.
01:10:29.000 Some of them were good.
01:10:30.000 It felt dirty.
01:10:31.000 It's a gig I did purely for the money.
01:10:34.000 Some of them are good.
01:10:35.000 My good friend Tommy Jr. lives in Connecticut.
01:10:37.000 Those are good people in Connecticut.
01:10:39.000 It's not all bad.
01:10:42.000 But it's disproportionately bad.
01:10:43.000 That's the problem.
01:10:44.000 It's not that everyone in Connecticut is full of despair.
01:10:47.000 No.
01:10:48.000 There's a lot of people that live in, like, Hartford.
01:10:51.000 Not Hartford, but what's that area outside of New York City where all the rich people live?
01:10:56.000 Greenwich.
01:10:57.000 That's where Vince McMahon lives.
01:10:58.000 Super rich.
01:10:59.000 Like, estates.
01:11:00.000 Yeah.
01:11:00.000 Like, David Letterman has a spot out there.
01:11:03.000 I mean, like, you gotta drive, like, a mile to get to the property down their driveway.
01:11:08.000 The driveway's like a mile of, like, manicured lawns.
01:11:11.000 They have those Great Gatsby-type residences there.
01:11:14.000 Hell yeah.
01:11:14.000 A lot of pills.
01:11:15.000 A lot of people pilled up.
01:11:17.000 Yeah, look at these joints.
01:11:18.000 They're just the average houses, I guess.
01:11:20.000 Wow.
01:11:21.000 Look at these joints.
01:11:22.000 That's not real, but it's being built.
01:11:24.000 Damn.
01:11:25.000 Those are the apartment building, dude.
01:11:26.000 Let me see a house.
01:11:28.000 Let me see a house.
01:11:29.000 See, that's a house.
01:11:30.000 That's a Connecticut house.
01:11:32.000 Dude, there's insane amounts of finance money.
01:11:36.000 Like, that's Great Gatsby type shit.
01:11:39.000 Did you ever read The Great Gatsby?
01:11:41.000 I watched the movie.
01:11:42.000 I was supposed to read the book as a student.
01:11:45.000 The DiCaprio movie is actually pretty fucking good.
01:11:48.000 Yeah, really good.
01:11:49.000 Great soundtrack, too.
01:11:50.000 Yeah.
01:11:50.000 And it was weird, too, because, like, they took artistic license with, like, the way the automobiles worked and moved, and there was, like, a lot of flair to it that made it exciting.
01:12:00.000 Beautiful movie.
01:12:01.000 One of those ones where you gotta turn out the lights, make sure your color on your TV's right, and turn up the sound.
01:12:06.000 Yeah.
01:12:06.000 Yeah.
01:12:07.000 But that's that area.
01:12:09.000 That area of Connecticut is just unbelievably wealthy.
01:12:13.000 That area of Connecticut, and there's another area that's similar to that in Long Island, like that's the Hamptons.
01:12:19.000 The Hamptons in Long Island is all just insane wealth.
01:12:23.000 Just like Matt Lauer has a house out there that's like $16 million from all that Today Show money.
01:12:32.000 Holla! 1.00
01:12:33.000 Man.
01:12:34.000 He's doing it.
01:12:35.000 What is he going to do?
01:12:37.000 Do you think that guy can make a comeback?
01:12:40.000 I think...
01:12:41.000 No, I think...
01:12:42.000 No, I think he's going to be selling things any day now.
01:12:46.000 Like how Larry King now sells things on late night TV. You ever see that?
01:12:52.000 What is he selling?
01:12:53.000 Larry King's slinging fake products and stuff.
01:12:57.000 Larry King sells a show, so it's sort of a mixture of an advertisement...
01:13:02.000 Is this show on television or is it on the internet?
01:13:05.000 I think it's on the internet.
01:13:07.000 Seguro was just on it.
01:13:09.000 Really?
01:13:09.000 Yeah.
01:13:11.000 I'm talking about the...
01:13:12.000 I know what you're talking about.
01:13:13.000 The TV that looks like a TV show, but it's not a TV show.
01:13:17.000 It's really just a...
01:13:18.000 He's asking questions like he used to do, but it's just some guy like, yes, and another thing my prostate medicine can do.
01:13:25.000 Oh, right, right, right.
01:13:26.000 It's on the same set, that's why I'm saying that, I guess.
01:13:28.000 Here's the set of his show.
01:13:29.000 It's on Aura TV, but he shoots those commercials on that wooden background set.
01:13:35.000 Oh, okay.
01:13:36.000 So they just have a similar setup.
01:13:38.000 Yeah.
01:13:39.000 Who's that girl in the upper right-hand corner? 1.00
01:13:41.000 What is that?
01:13:42.000 What is that?
01:13:44.000 Trixie Mattel.
01:13:45.000 What?
01:13:46.000 What in the hell am I watching?
01:13:48.000 Fame drag queen. 1.00
01:13:49.000 What?
01:13:49.000 What?
01:13:50.000 Go full screen, please.
01:13:53.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:13:55.000 Look at her eyes.
01:13:56.000 That's insane.
01:13:58.000 Oh, shit.
01:13:59.000 Wait a minute.
01:14:00.000 What's going on there with the eyes?
01:14:01.000 I'm confused.
01:14:02.000 Lots of tense makeup.
01:14:04.000 But wait a minute.
01:14:06.000 Where are her actual eyes? 0.99
01:14:08.000 Somewhere.
01:14:08.000 Woah.
01:14:10.000 That's a drag queen? 1.00
01:14:11.000 Yeah.
01:14:13.000 She drew on extra lashes or something. 0.98
01:14:16.000 Yeah, but she also drew white underneath the eyes. 0.77
01:14:18.000 There you go.
01:14:19.000 And then black underneath.
01:14:20.000 Oh my god, that's insanity.
01:14:23.000 Those are the craziest eyes I've ever seen in my life.
01:14:26.000 And the eyebrows going way up.
01:14:27.000 Yeah, well, the black... 0.98
01:14:30.000 Triangles in the corners of the eyes, too.
01:14:32.000 That is the nuttiest makeup.
01:14:34.000 And look at the cheekbones, like how sculpted it is, where it has an abrupt line before the lower jaw.
01:14:40.000 It's like it's spray painted with a box.
01:14:41.000 She's like an insane person. 1.00
01:14:43.000 That's crazy.
01:14:43.000 Larry King's just trying to play it cool.
01:14:45.000 He can't even tell.
01:14:46.000 He's so blind.
01:14:47.000 He doesn't even know what he's looking at.
01:14:48.000 You look great.
01:14:52.000 Makeup's lovely.
01:14:53.000 So how long have you been a man?
01:14:54.000 I'm a woman!
01:14:55.000 I mean, how long have you been a woman? 0.64
01:14:57.000 I've always been a woman!
01:14:58.000 Oh yeah, yeah.
01:15:00.000 I forgot.
01:15:01.000 He was born in the 1900s, man.
01:15:04.000 He didn't know shit back then.
01:15:05.000 Larry King's watched it all happen, man.
01:15:08.000 Dude, Larry King went to the pokey.
01:15:10.000 The what?
01:15:11.000 The pokey.
01:15:11.000 The jail.
01:15:12.000 Larry King went to jail, son.
01:15:14.000 Really?
01:15:14.000 Yeah, there she is.
01:15:15.000 Whoa.
01:15:17.000 Whoa, look at that eye makeup, man.
01:15:19.000 God, she looks like a Pink Floyd album cover.
01:15:22.000 How is that even real?
01:15:23.000 But she's got a signature look, though. 0.79
01:15:25.000 I'll tell you that.
01:15:26.000 That's her look. 1.00
01:15:26.000 She wears all these pictures. 1.00
01:15:28.000 That triangle thing.
01:15:30.000 I'm scared to have her in here.
01:15:31.000 What does she look like without makeup? 1.00
01:15:32.000 Okay, right there.
01:15:33.000 What does she look like? 0.94
01:15:34.000 What do you think she looks like?
01:15:36.000 Probably like me.
01:15:37.000 Probably better looking than you.
01:15:39.000 Maybe.
01:15:40.000 I don't know.
01:15:40.000 Look into the camera, Tony.
01:15:43.000 Let me see.
01:15:45.000 Yeah, maybe.
01:15:47.000 Picture me with cat eyes.
01:15:49.000 They're not cat eyes.
01:15:50.000 If that was a cat, I'd shoot it right in the fucking head. 0.96
01:15:52.000 That's an evil cat. 0.82
01:15:55.000 What did Larry King go to jail for?
01:15:59.000 Went to jail for something.
01:16:00.000 It's a crazy...
01:16:00.000 It looks like he's all coked up in his mugshot photo.
01:16:04.000 He looks like a wild man.
01:16:05.000 Grand larceny.
01:16:07.000 Damn.
01:16:07.000 Yeah, look at him.
01:16:08.000 What is grand larceny?
01:16:09.000 Something bad.
01:16:11.000 Is that like money laundering?
01:16:13.000 Larry King was into some Ozark shit?
01:16:15.000 Tell me he doesn't look coked out of his mind.
01:16:19.000 Fucking Miami.
01:16:20.000 These whores. 1.00
01:16:21.000 God.
01:16:22.000 These whores, they had it coming. 1.00
01:16:23.000 Look at his sideburns.
01:16:25.000 He looks fucking amazing.
01:16:27.000 1971. Wow.
01:16:29.000 Yeah.
01:16:30.000 Baller.
01:16:31.000 Dude, I was four years old.
01:16:32.000 Larry King's getting arrested.
01:16:35.000 Damn.
01:16:36.000 Find out what he got arrested for.
01:16:37.000 What did he do?
01:16:38.000 Unable to pay back money he owned.
01:16:40.000 Oh, that's it?
01:16:41.000 Yeah.
01:16:41.000 Huh.
01:16:43.000 He owed a financier he was doing some work for where the judge threw out the larceny charge because the statute of limitations run out.
01:16:48.000 King pled no contest to one count of passing bad checks.
01:16:53.000 Damn.
01:16:53.000 It's not that bad.
01:16:55.000 Dade County, Florida.
01:16:56.000 Look how cool that shirt is, by the way.
01:16:57.000 They just don't make shirts like that.
01:16:59.000 Look, that's just white circles on a black-collared shirt.
01:17:03.000 You can get those from MeUndies.
01:17:06.000 They probably have shirts like that.
01:17:07.000 Could be blue.
01:17:09.000 Does MeUndies do shirts?
01:17:11.000 They do.
01:17:12.000 Wow.
01:17:12.000 Yeah.
01:17:13.000 Damn.
01:17:14.000 Yeah, they have lounge pants now and bralettes.
01:17:16.000 What's the promo code I should use?
01:17:18.000 It's Rogan.
01:17:20.000 MeUndies.com forward slash Rogan.
01:17:22.000 I love it.
01:17:25.000 Everybody was doing coke back then.
01:17:27.000 I gotta assume Larry King was on coke.
01:17:29.000 You've seen cocaine cowboys, right?
01:17:31.000 Yeah.
01:17:32.000 Fucking amazing.
01:17:33.000 Amazing.
01:17:34.000 Amazing documentary.
01:17:35.000 One and two.
01:17:36.000 Amazing.
01:17:37.000 When you just realize what...
01:17:39.000 Because you could be, especially if you're living in Ohio like you were, or out here in Los Angeles, you might not know the history of cocaine in Miami.
01:17:48.000 You might not know how fucking insane it was until you watch that documentary and you just go, what?
01:17:55.000 Yeah.
01:17:55.000 Or Narcos, or really, you know...
01:17:59.000 Narcos is good, but it's a lot of it is about another country.
01:18:01.000 Yeah.
01:18:02.000 Like, Cocaine Cowboys is almost all about America.
01:18:05.000 Yeah.
01:18:06.000 There's one part of Cocaine Cowboys that I'll never forget, where they said that the entire graduating class of the police academy was either murdered or went to jail.
01:18:22.000 They were all corrupt.
01:18:23.000 Everybody was doing coke.
01:18:24.000 There's more banks per capita in Miami, at least at the time, than anywhere else in the country, and it was all money laundering.
01:18:31.000 That's all it was.
01:18:33.000 Fucking hell.
01:18:34.000 My friend Steve Graham was going to school in Miami back then.
01:18:38.000 He was doing his residency in Miami.
01:18:40.000 He's an ophthalmologist, and he was there during the cocaine violence years.
01:18:46.000 So he was doing his residency, do emergency room work.
01:18:50.000 So he was there, people, bullet holes and fucking brains exploded.
01:18:54.000 He said it was crazy the amount of violence that you would see.
01:18:57.000 Just every night, people with bullet holes and gunshot wounds and knife wounds and fucking attacked with barbed wire and chaos.
01:19:06.000 And a lot of people with things up their ass.
01:19:09.000 Really?
01:19:10.000 Oh, yeah.
01:19:10.000 All kinds of things.
01:19:12.000 Light bulbs.
01:19:13.000 You know those twisty light bulbs?
01:19:15.000 Yeah.
01:19:15.000 They look like a pine cone?
01:19:16.000 Yeah.
01:19:16.000 Up the ass.
01:19:17.000 Can't get it out.
01:19:19.000 Why would, uh...
01:19:21.000 Why wouldn't they?
01:19:22.000 Why light bulbs?
01:19:23.000 Because it's warm.
01:19:24.000 Lube it up.
01:19:25.000 Shove it in there.
01:19:26.000 Start beating off.
01:19:27.000 Can't get it out.
01:19:28.000 Oh no.
01:19:29.000 Better get to the doctor.
01:19:31.000 How do you...
01:19:31.000 Well, drive slow.
01:19:32.000 I'll put my ass out the window.
01:19:36.000 I don't know, but he told me that that was one of the things they pulled out of a guy's ass.
01:19:39.000 A lightbulb.
01:19:41.000 One of them twisty lightbulbs.
01:19:42.000 Other things too, like G.I. Joe dolls, shit like that.
01:19:45.000 That's what happens when you have a bad idea.
01:19:47.000 A lightbulb appears in your asshole.
01:19:50.000 Instead of over your head.
01:19:58.000 That's hilarious.
01:20:00.000 That would be actually really fun.
01:20:02.000 A really fun thing in a movie.
01:20:04.000 Yeah.
01:20:05.000 You know?
01:20:06.000 Like a cartoon.
01:20:07.000 Boom! 0.99
01:20:07.000 I got a great idea. 0.99
01:20:09.000 I got a shitty idea.
01:20:16.000 Oh my god.
01:20:20.000 Yeah, thank god we're not doctors, huh?
01:20:22.000 Yeah, seriously.
01:20:23.000 You know how morose you would get every day you're dealing with people dying?
01:20:28.000 They just get too comfortable with it.
01:20:30.000 And you have to save them no matter what.
01:20:32.000 I was reading last night about the Jewish doctor who had the shooter of the temple in Pittsburgh.
01:20:41.000 He had to save his life.
01:20:43.000 He had to make sure that he's okay.
01:20:45.000 You know what I mean?
01:20:46.000 Sometimes you're just helping horrible human beings that just slaughtered some of your own people.
01:20:53.000 Now you're a Jewish doctor having to fix the guy. 1.00
01:20:56.000 Now in our world, Tarantino world, we like to think that, oh...
01:21:00.000 Oh, so sorry to accidentally.
01:21:02.000 Oh, it appears as though I haven't given you the right medicine.
01:21:05.000 You know what I mean?
01:21:06.000 But in real life, they have to just stitch him up and, you know.
01:21:11.000 Well, it also, I mean, that guy probably has a record in terms of, like, his success ratio.
01:21:17.000 He doesn't want to fuck it up for some asshole.
01:21:19.000 Right.
01:21:20.000 Ugh.
01:21:22.000 Ugh.
01:21:22.000 Yeah, it seems like being a doctor...
01:21:25.000 Would be very very hard like as a Mentally, it seems like racking up those losses and such a lack of control the human body EMT workers too.
01:21:36.000 Yeah, same kind of deal a buddy of mine told me Never date a female EMT worker.
01:21:41.000 I go why and he goes they're crazy He goes they've seen so much violence.
01:21:46.000 They just fuck everyone.
01:21:47.000 I go what and he goes Yeah, this is a bunch of female EMT workers that they work with. 1.00
01:21:51.000 They're just banging everybody. 0.95
01:21:53.000 Obviously.
01:21:53.000 It's not Every EMT female worker is just my asshole friend who's telling me this based on his very limited polling.
01:22:02.000 But my thought on it is, can you imagine how fleeting you would feel that life is if every day you're seeing people die?
01:22:10.000 Every day, you're dealing with car accidents.
01:22:12.000 You're showing up.
01:22:13.000 People's brains are splattered all over the highway.
01:22:14.000 Their legs are ripped off.
01:22:16.000 They've been run over by trucks every day, all day long.
01:22:19.000 And this is what he said.
01:22:21.000 He goes, first of all, no one's supposed to see that much death.
01:22:25.000 He goes, if you see that much death, it rewires the way your brain works.
01:22:29.000 He goes, you're supposed to see that very rarely, very rarely in life.
01:22:36.000 But we see it every day.
01:22:37.000 It's like something goes wrong.
01:22:38.000 And he goes, it's been my experience that some of these women, where that goes wrong, they're just wild. 1.00
01:22:45.000 They just fuck everybody.
01:22:47.000 God.
01:22:48.000 I go, why do you think they're doing that?
01:22:50.000 He's like, they're distracting themselves.
01:22:51.000 Trying to distract themselves from the violence.
01:22:54.000 Again, this is one asshole friend.
01:22:56.000 If you're listening to this, you're like, fuck Tony Hinchcliffe and Joe Rogan.
01:23:00.000 I can't believe you brought that up.
01:23:01.000 I'm an EMT worker.
01:23:02.000 I'm a mom.
01:23:02.000 I'm a great person.
01:23:03.000 I'm sure you are, ma'am.
01:23:05.000 I'm not talking about you.
01:23:05.000 But you used to fuck like an animal and you know it.
01:23:08.000 That's how those babies were made.
01:23:10.000 Wow.
01:23:11.000 How dare you.
01:23:13.000 It seems to make sense to me that female EMTs would be pretty horned up. 0.84
01:23:19.000 Cops, too.
01:23:20.000 Oh, for sure cops.
01:23:22.000 Yeah.
01:23:23.000 Yeah.
01:23:23.000 I watched a porno the other day.
01:23:25.000 Two female cops getting banged by the black guy they were supposed to arrest.
01:23:29.000 Of course that happens.
01:23:30.000 It must happen.
01:23:32.000 It happens with guards in jail.
01:23:35.000 Female guards. 1.00
01:23:36.000 Remember those guys that escaped?
01:23:38.000 One of them was banging the guard in upstate New York.
01:23:40.000 They flew to Canada.
01:23:41.000 They fleed to Canada.
01:23:43.000 Some fugly-looking female guard. 1.00
01:23:46.000 The dude was throwing dick her way. 1.00
01:23:48.000 The guard left with the prisoner?
01:23:50.000 Uh-huh.
01:23:51.000 Whoa.
01:23:52.000 Didn't she bring him the stuff to help him break out, right?
01:23:54.000 Yeah.
01:23:54.000 Like the hacksaw or some shit?
01:23:55.000 Yeah, and then she turned herself in. 0.93
01:23:57.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:23:57.000 She couldn't handle it anymore when the fucking...
01:23:59.000 The alarms were going off and the manhunt was underway.
01:24:02.000 Like, how did he get out?
01:24:03.000 She's like, I fucked him.
01:24:05.000 Wow.
01:24:07.000 Damn.
01:24:09.000 Imagine that.
01:24:10.000 You're a prisoner.
01:24:11.000 There it is.
01:24:12.000 Look at her.
01:24:13.000 I can't help it.
01:24:14.000 Joyce Mitchell denied parole after helping killer inmates escape New York prison.
01:24:20.000 She's going to jail herself. 1.00
01:24:21.000 That's the look of a lady that messed up after getting good dick. 1.00
01:24:25.000 There was a guy I used to spar with who was a security guard at jail, and that was fucking with his head, too.
01:24:32.000 He was just telling me about what the experience was like.
01:24:35.000 Like every day, you're just always dealing with these fucking people that they're never getting out of there. 0.77
01:24:42.000 Like he was in a maximum security penitentiary.
01:24:44.000 It's like they're never getting out of there.
01:24:46.000 Every day you're just dealing with horrible people in terrible circumstances and they know that you get to leave.
01:24:53.000 They know you get to leave.
01:24:54.000 But you're living with them most of the day.
01:24:57.000 He goes, yeah, I'm not a prisoner.
01:24:59.000 He goes, but my environment is surrounded by these people.
01:25:04.000 He's like, that affects you.
01:25:06.000 It's like, I never thought about it that way.
01:25:07.000 I always thought the guards have it okay.
01:25:09.000 It's just a job.
01:25:10.000 Whereas the inmates, you know, well, those poor bastards are stuck in there.
01:25:14.000 Well, you're in there with them for eight hours a day.
01:25:16.000 Most of the time, you're not controlling them.
01:25:19.000 Most of the time, you're just coexisting.
01:25:21.000 Yeah, who's behind the bars?
01:25:23.000 Which way is behind, right?
01:25:26.000 Right, right.
01:25:26.000 They're in a cell with a hallway filled with bars.
01:25:29.000 People, one person on the other side of each bar.
01:25:32.000 So are they.
01:25:32.000 Yeah.
01:25:33.000 Same exact thing.
01:25:34.000 Yeah.
01:25:34.000 And then they're wearing body armor and fucking they have clubs and they're always terrified that a riot's gonna break out.
01:25:39.000 You saw Whitey Bulger got killed?
01:25:41.000 He did?
01:25:42.000 Yeah.
01:25:42.000 When?
01:25:43.000 Yesterday in prison.
01:25:44.000 They transferred him in like first day.
01:25:47.000 First day.
01:25:48.000 Pull that story up.
01:25:49.000 A guy that hates rats killed him.
01:25:52.000 An Italian guy or like a gangster guy. 0.99
01:25:55.000 Really?
01:25:55.000 Yep.
01:25:56.000 I read the guy is obsessed with hating rats and hating people that beat women.
01:26:03.000 And I guess Whitey killed women. 1.00
01:26:05.000 Wow.
01:26:06.000 So this guy, the first chance he got killed.
01:26:09.000 Whitey Bulger met a violent end after a lifetime of brutality.
01:26:14.000 They tried to pull his eyes out of his skull.
01:26:17.000 Whoa.
01:26:18.000 I don't know if they were successful or not.
01:26:20.000 The thing I read didn't make it clear.
01:26:21.000 Hold on, make that larger so I can read that.
01:26:23.000 It doesn't really say much about it.
01:26:23.000 What does it say?
01:26:24.000 In a three-foot grave near a river not far from Boston, Pat McGonagall's body laid decaying, undisturbed, until his remains were found 20 years later.
01:26:32.000 Part of his pelvic bone, a fractured skull, and a decomposed brain matter.
01:26:37.000 It's all about the past.
01:26:39.000 All the different things that he's done.
01:26:40.000 Yeah.
01:26:41.000 Yeah.
01:26:42.000 No, he was a horrible fucking killer.
01:26:45.000 West Virginia, the day after he transferred.
01:26:47.000 You know, I used to train a guy that was one of his fucking mob henchmen.
01:26:52.000 A guy said to me once, he goes, if you were going to kill somebody, how would you kill them?
01:26:57.000 I was like, with my bare hands?
01:26:59.000 He goes, yeah.
01:26:59.000 I go, I probably hit him in the neck.
01:27:02.000 I was like, yeah.
01:27:04.000 I was like, okay.
01:27:06.000 See, it's not scary until you find out that's the end of the conversation.
01:27:10.000 I was 19 at the time, and I was teaching Taekwondo.
01:27:14.000 Wow.
01:27:15.000 And I was teaching this guy who, he was friends with a friend of mine who absolutely worked for Whitey Bulger, who wound up going to jail.
01:27:27.000 And they told me that this guy used to whack people.
01:27:32.000 I was like, oh, Jesus Christ.
01:27:33.000 And I was teaching him Taekwondo.
01:27:36.000 He was very serious.
01:27:39.000 He was very intense.
01:27:42.000 I was very aware that there was something different about him.
01:27:46.000 I was very aware.
01:27:47.000 He wasn't just a guy that was learning for exercise or self-defense, wanted to take a little classes, learn a little martial arts.
01:27:54.000 He was going to use it.
01:27:56.000 Like, he was a guy that was, in case he needed to use it.
01:27:59.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:28:00.000 Like, there's a mindset of someone who just wants to get better at a martial art, and there's a mindset of someone who's thinking about, okay, it's gonna come down, I'm gonna fucking get him right there!
01:28:09.000 Okay, and I'm gonna get him right there!
01:28:11.000 That guy was, like, when he would practice, there was a certain amount of focus and intensity that he had that was palpable.
01:28:20.000 Yeah.
01:28:21.000 Mobsters need to get better at that type of stuff. 0.97
01:28:24.000 You ever see, remember De Niro's kicks in Goodfellas?
01:28:27.000 Those just sloppy, those straight down, just mutt.
01:28:31.000 What's this?
01:28:32.000 Whitey Bulger's fader present?
01:28:33.000 Suspect that did it.
01:28:34.000 Yeah.
01:28:35.000 He was unrecognizable.
01:28:36.000 That's the guy who did it?
01:28:37.000 Here's the quote of, uh, bam, right there.
01:28:40.000 Mr. Bulger's eyes appeared to have been dislodged from his head, although it was unclear whether his attackers gouged him out or they were knocked out because he was beaten so severely in the attack.
01:28:50.000 This information was relayed by a senior law enforcement official who oversees organized crime cases.
01:28:57.000 Oh, that's what it was.
01:28:59.000 It was a padlock stuffed inside a sock.
01:29:02.000 Oh, that's what they beat him with?
01:29:03.000 Yep.
01:29:04.000 And they also pulled his eyes out of his head.
01:29:06.000 At least in part with a padlock that was stuffed inside of a sock.
01:29:10.000 At least two inmates were quickly sent to solitary confinement after Mr. Bulger was found.
01:29:15.000 According to three employees of the Federal Bureau of Prisons.
01:29:19.000 Wow.
01:29:21.000 Damn.
01:29:22.000 Yeah.
01:29:22.000 Well, couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
01:29:27.000 Whitey Bulger.
01:29:28.000 Do you know he won the lottery twice?
01:29:30.000 Really?
01:29:31.000 Yep.
01:29:31.000 Damn.
01:29:32.000 Not really.
01:29:33.000 Yeah.
01:29:34.000 Scam.
01:29:35.000 I mean, that was how he would show his income.
01:29:40.000 So someone else would win the lottery, and they would come to him.
01:29:43.000 And he would give them the money, and they would give him the lottery ticket, and he'd be like, look, I won the lottery.
01:29:48.000 Wow.
01:29:49.000 That's how I'm rich.
01:29:50.000 That's crazy.
01:29:52.000 Yeah.
01:29:53.000 Yeah, it's dark.
01:29:54.000 Like, they probably would find the person who won the lottery.
01:29:57.000 You know, they chased Dana White out of town. 0.66
01:29:59.000 Do you know that?
01:30:00.000 No.
01:30:01.000 Yeah.
01:30:01.000 Yeah, they wanted money.
01:30:03.000 They wanted payment from Dana White.
01:30:04.000 And Dana White got beaten up by them so severely that he had, like, tinnitus in his ears.
01:30:10.000 Fuck.
01:30:11.000 Yeah.
01:30:11.000 He had a jet out of town.
01:30:13.000 He moved to Vegas.
01:30:15.000 Wow.
01:30:16.000 Yeah.
01:30:16.000 Because they wanted a cut of the UFC. No, it wasn't the UFC. There was no UFC back then.
01:30:21.000 He was like a boxing trainer.
01:30:23.000 Oh.
01:30:23.000 I forget what he was doing, whether he was running a gym, but he had to leave town because of the mob.
01:30:29.000 That's why he left Boston.
01:30:31.000 Yeah, it was real, man.
01:30:33.000 I mean, this was all...
01:30:35.000 When I was a kid...
01:30:37.000 I mean, I got seriously into Taekwondo in 1982. That's when it became, like, 81, 82. That's when it really became, like, my whole life.
01:30:49.000 And that's right around the time where all that shit was going on.
01:30:53.000 And then in 1988, I became friends with a comedian who was...
01:31:00.000 His brother went to jail for being a part of Whitey Bulger's mob.
01:31:07.000 Yeah.
01:31:08.000 Crazy.
01:31:09.000 Yeah, it was like everybody knew somebody who was in some way connected to the mob.
01:31:13.000 In some way, you know?
01:31:16.000 There's one dude.
01:31:17.000 Wanna hear a crazy story?
01:31:19.000 There's one guy.
01:31:20.000 He's dead now.
01:31:21.000 I could talk about him.
01:31:22.000 His name is Richie.
01:31:23.000 And he went to jail while I knew him.
01:31:26.000 He was arrested for a murder that I don't think they ever got him on.
01:31:32.000 But this person who was killed wasn't just killed.
01:31:36.000 They broke every bone in his body with a hammer and kept injecting him with cocaine to keep him awake.
01:31:46.000 Yeah.
01:31:46.000 So he would black out from the pain and they would inject him with cocaine to wake him back up again.
01:31:53.000 And then they would break another bone.
01:31:54.000 They were breaking all of his bones with a hammer.
01:31:57.000 They cut his hands off, cut his head off.
01:31:59.000 They cut everything off.
01:32:01.000 And then when they found, you know, this broken heap of a body, he was somehow connected to this guy that I knew who sold coke.
01:32:10.000 And this guy had gone to jail and I knew him before he went to jail.
01:32:15.000 He was another guy from Taekwondo.
01:32:17.000 I knew him before he went to jail.
01:32:19.000 He was one person.
01:32:20.000 He was a young guy.
01:32:22.000 I was, I think when he went to jail, I was 16 and I think he was 20. And then when he got out of jail, It was...
01:32:31.000 I was 20, and he was 24. And he had scars all over his body where he tried to, like, sand off his tattoos.
01:32:41.000 He had tattoos all over his arms.
01:32:43.000 And I don't know what the tattoos were, whether they were racist or whether he just didn't want them anymore.
01:32:48.000 But he had, like, either acid burns or scars.
01:32:52.000 Like, however the fuck he tried to get the tattoos off, all over his arms.
01:32:55.000 Like, his arms are covered in scars.
01:32:57.000 And, um...
01:32:59.000 He wasn't good.
01:33:01.000 He wasn't like a talented martial artist, but he was insanely tough, like insanely aggressive and insanely tough.
01:33:10.000 And when you sparred him, you were fighting for your life, for your life.
01:33:15.000 He would come at me and try to fucking kill me.
01:33:19.000 I mean fucking kill you.
01:33:22.000 Throwing looping punches with every fucking ounce of his being.
01:33:26.000 And I'm moving around and I'm like, oh, we're fighting to the death here.
01:33:29.000 We're fighting.
01:33:30.000 This is not sparring.
01:33:32.000 We only sparred a couple of times before this, but...
01:33:35.000 One time he had me cornered.
01:33:37.000 He trapped me in a corner and hit me with a fucking bomb on the top of my head.
01:33:43.000 Just boom! 0.51
01:33:44.000 Like as hard as he could punch.
01:33:45.000 He was a strong guy.
01:33:46.000 He was quite a bit bigger than me too.
01:33:47.000 Irish guy? 0.79
01:33:48.000 I think he was Italian.
01:33:51.000 And I kicked him in the head so hard it broke his cheek, like his cheek shifted over.
01:33:58.000 His face, I wheel kicked him, so I hit him with my heel in his face and he dropped down, he collapsed, went down to his, like, went down like face first, got up on his all fours,
01:34:13.000 got back up again, wanted to keep going.
01:34:15.000 And I said, I go, Richie, I go, you gotta look in the mirror.
01:34:19.000 I go, come look in the mirror.
01:34:20.000 And he's like, oh, fuck.
01:34:22.000 I go, yeah, you can't spar anymore, dude.
01:34:24.000 He wanted to kill me.
01:34:25.000 He wanted to keep going.
01:34:26.000 He wanted to keep going.
01:34:27.000 After I basically kicked his face in half.
01:34:30.000 Jesus.
01:34:30.000 I hit him so hard.
01:34:32.000 It wasn't a sparring session.
01:34:33.000 It was an I'm trying to kill you, you're trying to kill me session.
01:34:36.000 And I remember setting him up, setting him up, setting him up.
01:34:39.000 BOOM! And I hit him with that thing and he face planted.
01:34:42.000 Most people would have just went out.
01:34:43.000 But he was so angry and so mean.
01:34:46.000 He was trying to get up.
01:34:47.000 It's fucking scary.
01:34:48.000 But that was the last time I sparred with him.
01:34:50.000 I'm like, we're not sparring anymore, dude.
01:34:51.000 I'm not fighting to death with some guy who I'm kind of friendly with.
01:34:55.000 I was friendly with him other than that.
01:34:56.000 Like, you would never guess.
01:34:59.000 Remember one time we went out?
01:35:01.000 It was me and him and these two girls, and they were like real weird, right?
01:35:05.000 And this one girl was like, Richie, when are we going to get this stuff?
01:35:10.000 I go, what stuff are you going to get?
01:35:12.000 And she's like, he's going to get us some coke.
01:35:14.000 I go, you don't want any coke.
01:35:16.000 She goes, fuck you! 1.00
01:35:19.000 I was trying to tell her she doesn't want coke.
01:35:24.000 She's like, that's why I'm here!
01:35:26.000 That's why I'm hanging out with this guy, stupid.
01:35:28.000 That's so funny.
01:35:30.000 It was one of the rare times I hung out with him outside of the gym.
01:35:33.000 He told me a story about how he had to fight off these guys with a broomstick in jail and how he's beating these guys to death with a broomstick.
01:35:43.000 There's a horrible story about him being forced to mop up something in the bathroom and these guys cornered him and he's just fucking attacking them with this broomstick and about how he got extra time for that.
01:35:57.000 I forget what he went to jail for.
01:35:59.000 I assume it was probably drug-related.
01:36:01.000 I don't remember what it was, but I remember just being so nervous about being connected to people like that, like knowing people like that from the gym.
01:36:10.000 Because there was people like that that always wanted to learn how to fight.
01:36:14.000 Because you're teaching martial arts, you're training, those guys would always come in.
01:36:21.000 Whenever it was time to spar, Scary times.
01:36:25.000 There was no pulling back.
01:36:27.000 If you were sparring with some friends, like I was sparring with my friend Leroy Rodriguez, a good friend of mine who was fast as lightning.
01:36:34.000 This Puerto Rican guy was a bad motherfucker. 1.00
01:36:36.000 But he would not hurt me.
01:36:37.000 We would spar.
01:36:38.000 We would go hard, but he would hold back from hurting you.
01:36:42.000 You could trust certain people.
01:36:44.000 When you were sparring, you knew it was just sparring.
01:36:47.000 There was other people.
01:36:48.000 It was to the death.
01:36:50.000 It was to the death.
01:36:51.000 Terrible.
01:36:53.000 Crazy.
01:36:53.000 Not only that, we did it over a fucking thin office carpet on top of concrete.
01:36:59.000 It was just office carpet on top of concrete, so when people would fall, their head would bounce off the concrete.
01:37:07.000 Oh, fuck that.
01:37:09.000 Yeah.
01:37:09.000 It was horrible.
01:37:11.000 Good lord.
01:37:12.000 That's the 80s, bro.
01:37:13.000 Shit was different.
01:37:14.000 Jeez Louise.
01:37:16.000 No good, man.
01:37:17.000 It was so terrible.
01:37:18.000 So terrible back then, man.
01:37:22.000 People couldn't get concussions back then or something?
01:37:25.000 Oh, they got them.
01:37:26.000 They got a lot of them.
01:37:28.000 Yeah, I remember people getting them when they were just fucked up for months and months at a time.
01:37:33.000 You get that kind of a concussion when you bounce your head off the ground and then, you know...
01:37:43.000 Just the impact of something like that.
01:37:45.000 It's so devastating, man.
01:37:48.000 It's just so bad for you.
01:37:50.000 There's a great video.
01:37:52.000 Not great, but kind of crazy.
01:37:56.000 If you go to Saxon Muay Thai on Instagram, there's a video of these two guys fighting in the parking lot.
01:38:05.000 And one guy is obviously a trained fighter, and he's fighting these gangbangers.
01:38:10.000 And he leg kicks one of them and then punches him in the face.
01:38:13.000 And this other guy's going, oh, you think you're going to kick homeboy?
01:38:16.000 You think you're going to kick homeboy?
01:38:18.000 And he goes, come on, kick me, motherfucker.
01:38:19.000 And he takes a puff of his cigarette, and he takes his shirt off like he's going to fight.
01:38:24.000 He has no idea how to fight.
01:38:25.000 And he's decided he's going to fight this guy who knows how to fight.
01:38:28.000 And this guy leg kicks him. 0.81
01:38:31.000 Drops him to the ground, he gets up, the guy shoots a double, lifts his legs up in the air, and drops him on his head, and he just goes out.
01:38:37.000 Yeah.
01:38:38.000 It's so...
01:38:39.000 There's something about watching someone's head bounce off concrete that is so fucking disturbing.
01:38:47.000 For sure.
01:38:48.000 It's just...
01:38:49.000 It's sadder than anything else.
01:38:52.000 Saxon Muay Thai?
01:38:54.000 You didn't see it?
01:38:55.000 Maybe somebody pulled it.
01:38:58.000 Let me see it.
01:38:59.000 I once had a concussion in a...
01:39:01.000 Let me see the page.
01:39:02.000 Scroll down a little bit.
01:39:03.000 Hold on.
01:39:04.000 Go to the top again?
01:39:06.000 Yep, that's it.
01:39:07.000 Scroll down a little bit.
01:39:10.000 Yeah, somebody must have pulled it.
01:39:11.000 I got a concussion in a wrestling match one time.
01:39:15.000 Maybe I'm wrong.
01:39:16.000 Maybe it wasn't Saxon.
01:39:19.000 I threw up Rice Krispie Treats everywhere.
01:39:21.000 I was out.
01:39:22.000 I was unconscious and I was throwing up Rice Krispie Treats because I had loaded up on those after weigh-ins.
01:39:28.000 The weigh-ins were like an hour before the match.
01:39:31.000 I had a peanut butter and jelly.
01:39:33.000 Back then, they had just debuted.
01:39:35.000 It was like a new thing.
01:39:36.000 The pre-made, super-processed Rice Krispie Treats that would just come in individual packages.
01:39:43.000 And after cutting...
01:39:45.000 You know, my weight cuts were horrible, horrible, horrible.
01:39:49.000 And so, like, I would just be eyeballing all this food all week, you know what I mean?
01:39:54.000 And, like, I remember I'd be so excited, whatever you had, what you'd be so excited for.
01:39:59.000 And I was way too excited about this whole box of Rice Krispie treats that I had.
01:40:03.000 And I probably had, like, four or five right before the match.
01:40:06.000 And just...
01:40:08.000 Boom.
01:40:08.000 Out like a light.
01:40:09.000 Some dude got my head wrapped up in his legs like it was almost like a double chicken wing.
01:40:20.000 My chest was on the mat.
01:40:22.000 I think he got me in double chicken wings and started to walk around my head.
01:40:27.000 So that I rolled over.
01:40:29.000 But I'm really bridgey and agile and have a long neck that I can bridge up on.
01:40:34.000 So when I bridged up on my neck and he's just now there's nothing he can do, he took his leg and swooped it and figure four'd my head.
01:40:43.000 So now I'm in a figure four with my head and double chicken wings.
01:40:46.000 But then once he did that, I bridged up again.
01:40:49.000 The crowd, I remember sort of being like, ooh, you know what I mean?
01:40:53.000 It's like, you're not pinning me.
01:40:54.000 And then he did this thing where he just bucked back like a bull, and my head just right into the mat, out like a light.
01:41:02.000 I was taken off on a stretcher to the hospital, that wrestling match.
01:41:06.000 It's the only time that ever happened.
01:41:07.000 How quick after that did you go back to wrestling?
01:41:10.000 Oh, probably a week or two.
01:41:13.000 Yeah, isn't that funny?
01:41:13.000 Our assistant coach's son had just died.
01:41:16.000 So that night was dedicated to him because he showed up.
01:41:21.000 We weren't expecting him to be there.
01:41:23.000 How did his son die?
01:41:24.000 It was like leukemia or something like that.
01:41:26.000 And we weren't expecting him to be there.
01:41:30.000 Our head coach gave us one of those pep talks like, Coach Burton's coming tonight, and if he's coming after his son dies, then you motherfuckers better not give up!
01:41:40.000 It was one of those super crazy, beyond all of our human potential, which is probably why I ended up in that position in the first place, because I'm just bridging for everything, including my assistant coach's son's spirit and all of this, you know what I mean?
01:41:54.000 Better not give up.
01:41:56.000 Right.
01:41:56.000 Oh, this is it.
01:41:57.000 This is the video.
01:41:58.000 Someone sent it to me on...
01:41:58.000 Oh, here it is.
01:41:59.000 It's on World Stock.
01:42:00.000 Boom, watch this.
01:42:01.000 He gets him with the leg kick, the guy gets up, and watch this.
01:42:04.000 Watch this.
01:42:09.000 Boom, strong leg kick. 0.88
01:42:10.000 Perfectly timed.
01:42:11.000 Watch this.
01:42:13.000 Watch this.
01:42:14.000 Oh.
01:42:15.000 Oh.
01:42:19.000 Out.
01:42:20.000 Wow.
01:42:20.000 Go from the beginning, though.
01:42:22.000 It's long.
01:42:23.000 It's two minutes long.
01:42:24.000 Yeah, but the beginning you see how the fight starts.
01:42:27.000 So this guy, the guy's like, come on, motherfucker, you want some of this?
01:42:30.000 He's got his shirt off.
01:42:31.000 And the guy's like trying.
01:42:33.000 He's by himself.
01:42:34.000 And he's like, dope, we'll do one-on-one, one-on-one, one-on-one.
01:42:37.000 He fought another dude first.
01:42:39.000 Did he?
01:42:40.000 Yeah.
01:42:40.000 Yeah, this guy.
01:42:41.000 This guy.
01:42:41.000 This is the guy he legs kicks.
01:42:43.000 And after he leg kicks this dude, the other guy says, come on.
01:42:49.000 That dude doesn't have a wife beater on. 1.00
01:42:51.000 Give me some volume on this.
01:42:55.000 Is it going to get taken down from you two?
01:42:57.000 I'm trying to keep it.
01:42:58.000 Oh, okay, okay.
01:42:59.000 You turn it down.
01:43:00.000 So the guy's like, come on, man.
01:43:01.000 So it's just one dude by himself with a bunch of other dudes, but he steps in.
01:43:06.000 This guy knows how to fight.
01:43:07.000 Look at this.
01:43:07.000 Throwing a jab, and then watch this.
01:43:09.000 Leg kick.
01:43:12.000 Oh, so they were going at it for quite a bit first.
01:43:14.000 A whole different guy.
01:43:15.000 No, no, no.
01:43:16.000 Yeah, but that's it right there.
01:43:18.000 Leg kick.
01:43:18.000 Boom!
01:43:18.000 Then he cracks him.
01:43:19.000 And so then the guy's, like, realizing he's in trouble, and so he starts backing away, and the guy's coming forward.
01:43:24.000 He's like, come on, bitch. 1.00
01:43:25.000 And so then the other guy afterwards goes, oh, you think you got a leg kick?
01:43:29.000 Got a leg kick?
01:43:29.000 So he comes back.
01:43:31.000 He's, like, tired of this dude walking away from him, and he's like, I fucked this dude up with one punch, and he wants it back up.
01:43:37.000 And so this guy goes, you want a leg kick?
01:43:39.000 You want a leg kick?
01:43:40.000 Here, right here.
01:43:52.000 This guy has no idea how to fight, which is hilarious.
01:44:01.000 Fat, not in shape.
01:44:03.000 Boom! 0.99
01:44:03.000 Leg kick. 0.99
01:44:04.000 But people are so ridiculous with this idea that they think they know how to fight.
01:44:09.000 BANG! Out cold.
01:44:13.000 But that's dark, man.
01:44:14.000 The banging the head, the back of the head off the concrete is dark.
01:44:17.000 Yeah, that's memory.
01:44:18.000 He's gone.
01:44:19.000 That fast.
01:44:20.000 That's a lot gone.
01:44:21.000 A lot gone with your head.
01:44:22.000 That's why I used to always get mad at those movies where people would get pistol whipped and nothing would happen.
01:44:27.000 Wake up like...
01:44:28.000 Somebody who liked you would pistol whip you because they needed to shut your mouth. 0.95
01:44:37.000 You can fucking die easily.
01:44:40.000 Or like they're trying to get information out of him like, where's the money hidden?
01:44:43.000 It's like, well now I don't remember.
01:44:45.000 And then when they would wake up, they'd have no problems.
01:44:47.000 They'd just be fighting.
01:44:49.000 They'd have no problems.
01:44:50.000 No coordination issues.
01:44:52.000 Meanwhile, your equilibrium would be so fucked, your legs wouldn't work right.
01:44:57.000 Have you ever been knocked out other than that?
01:45:01.000 Not really.
01:45:02.000 No, I've been in a lot of fights, but I've never been knocked out.
01:45:06.000 Only that wrestling match did it. 0.99
01:45:09.000 When you find out how vulnerable you are, the human brain, the way it's positioned in the head, all it has to do is get hit and yanked around.
01:45:19.000 I think I have what they would call a good chin.
01:45:23.000 You think so?
01:45:23.000 I've taken some real pun.
01:45:27.000 At least when I was younger.
01:45:28.000 It's been a long time.
01:45:30.000 Actually, I took a good fucking solid headbutt about 10 years ago from one of my drunk comedian buddies.
01:45:38.000 Oh, God.
01:45:40.000 Yeah.
01:45:40.000 There's a great video of this girl headbutting this guy unconscious outside of a bar.
01:45:44.000 You probably won't be able to find it.
01:45:46.000 But some guys fucking with her, and she's not big. 1.00
01:45:49.000 She's pretty small.
01:45:50.000 And she grabs this guy by the collar and just BANG! And the dude just crumples and drops to the ground.
01:45:57.000 Fucking awesome.
01:45:59.000 It's a real move, man.
01:46:00.000 This part right here, this is where people break their hands.
01:46:03.000 They break their hands on the top of the forehead all the time.
01:46:07.000 It's a super hard spot.
01:46:08.000 And if you smash someone on the jaw with that, that's one move that a chick actually can pull off. 1.00
01:46:13.000 If she really knows how to do it, grab someone's shirt and BANG! Yeah. 1.00
01:46:18.000 Hell yeah.
01:46:20.000 I've headbutted people.
01:46:22.000 Have you?
01:46:22.000 Yep.
01:46:22.000 I've never headbutted anybody in my whole life.
01:46:24.000 Really?
01:46:24.000 Yeah.
01:46:25.000 Oh, I've had to.
01:46:26.000 Because, you know, I mean, where I grew up, it was just fights, fights, fights.
01:46:31.000 That was just the whole thing.
01:46:33.000 Youngstown, Ohio.
01:46:34.000 You're damn right.
01:46:34.000 Everybody was a boxer.
01:46:35.000 That's why all the boxers...
01:46:37.000 Were you with me when Kelly Pavlik showed up?
01:46:39.000 Yeah.
01:46:39.000 That was awesome.
01:46:40.000 Right?
01:46:40.000 We all went out to dinner.
01:46:41.000 Yep.
01:46:41.000 Matt Brown, too.
01:46:42.000 Bunch of Ohioans.
01:46:43.000 How cool is hanging out with Kelly Pavlik?
01:46:45.000 Dude, for someone from Youngstown, that's as cool as it gets.
01:46:48.000 I've hung out with Boom Boom.
01:46:49.000 I had to knock out Kelly for the trifecta, and that was amazing.
01:46:53.000 We had a spread the size of this table.
01:46:56.000 That wasn't just any meal.
01:46:57.000 That was everything.
01:46:59.000 It's like, what do you want?
01:47:00.000 Because everything's on the table right now.
01:47:02.000 Yeah, we ate a lot of good food.
01:47:03.000 That was fun.
01:47:04.000 That was after the Schottenstein, right?
01:47:06.000 Wow.
01:47:07.000 Schottenstein?
01:47:07.000 That is crazy.
01:47:08.000 Is that it right?
01:47:09.000 You had it.
01:47:09.000 Schottenstein.
01:47:10.000 That was fun, man.
01:47:11.000 That was a fun show.
01:47:12.000 Oh, yeah.
01:47:12.000 Only show I've ever worn a football jersey on stage.
01:47:15.000 That was awesome.
01:47:17.000 That was so cool.
01:47:18.000 I fucking love Ohio.
01:47:19.000 I love Columbus.
01:47:20.000 Columbus is the anti-Connecticut.
01:47:22.000 Absolutely.
01:47:24.000 100%.
01:47:25.000 It's fun there, man!
01:47:27.000 The opposite of Connecticut.
01:47:28.000 I mean, people from Connecticut are like, why would I move to Columbus?
01:47:31.000 Just trust me.
01:47:32.000 Like, if I would have done that same show that I did in Connecticut, in Columbus, and there was a lady that looked that angry in the audience, one face looking at me, and I said, what are you so angry about? 0.99
01:47:42.000 She would answer the question.
01:47:44.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:47:45.000 She would tell you.
01:47:46.000 Yeah, you shouldn't have said that about the Me Too.
01:47:49.000 And then at least I'd be able to really, we'd go back and forth and I'd win her over.
01:47:54.000 But in Connecticut, they just stay staunch.
01:47:57.000 Oh, that's young Jamie's photograph.
01:47:58.000 Yeah.
01:47:59.000 Young Jamie, photographer extraordinaire.
01:48:01.000 Number 18 for the Ohio State Buckeyes.
01:48:04.000 Woo! 0.99
01:48:06.000 So what's going on with young Tony Hinchcliffe's career?
01:48:09.000 What's the latest?
01:48:10.000 I know you've been killing it with Kill Tony.
01:48:13.000 Kill Tony is on a whole nother level.
01:48:14.000 I've heard.
01:48:15.000 We're having a lot of fun.
01:48:16.000 It's a blast.
01:48:17.000 We're taking them all over the road.
01:48:19.000 The road shows are insane.
01:48:21.000 I heard that Toronto was insane.
01:48:23.000 Absolutely insane.
01:48:24.000 Absolutely insane.
01:48:25.000 We just did two shows in one night in San Francisco.
01:48:28.000 Kill Tony Mania. 0.94
01:48:29.000 Where'd you guys go?
01:48:30.000 Chaos.
01:48:31.000 Cobbs.
01:48:32.000 Two shows in one night on a Friday night.
01:48:34.000 Insanity.
01:48:35.000 The shows at home are crazy.
01:48:36.000 We have Whitney Cummings on Monday.
01:48:38.000 We have this new cool thing called the Apollo 13, which is this group of black people that come every Monday.
01:48:46.000 Really?
01:48:47.000 Basically, like, if any open-miker ever does, like, too racist of a joke, or if it's on the line or whatever, they're like, the judges, like, I'll, like, point to them, and it's like, uh, it's so funny.
01:48:58.000 We call them the Apollo 13, because I said that they're like, yeah, it's like they even have shirts made.
01:49:03.000 That's three of the members right there.
01:49:05.000 I love how you're always adding new elements and always mixing it up.
01:49:09.000 It is one of the best live podcast formats ever because it's so chaotic and you're guaranteed to either get good comedy or terrible comedy which equals great comedy.
01:49:23.000 Just to show you a span, this past Monday we started the show off with a former reality star that was horrible, right?
01:49:32.000 He wasn't funny.
01:49:33.000 He's been doing it 14 years, but he doesn't put any work into it.
01:49:36.000 No work ethic.
01:49:37.000 You know what I mean?
01:49:38.000 So it's like we roasted him and the crowd loves it because he's such an easily hateable guy.
01:49:43.000 And the last guy we pull out of the bucket comes out of the audience area wearing shorts and one of his legs is...
01:49:52.000 We're good to go.
01:50:21.000 We're basically, when it comes to that PC stuff that we were talking about earlier, I don't know if there's many places where the vent for that, where you can get a real barometer, because look, we have the Apollo 13, which they're called the Apollo 13 because it's like Showtime at the Apollo,
01:50:36.000 but there's like 13 of them, so I call them the Apollo 13, this group of black people.
01:50:41.000 So, like, for example, a few weeks ago, this one kid, like, it doesn't even seem like he's 21, closes on this horrible joke about Kanye, somebody needs to throw Kanye a banana or something like that in the whole place.
01:50:55.000 The whole place is in chaos, groaning, and the Apollo 13's standing up like, oh, hell no!
01:51:02.000 And it's like, you know, since it's such a live show, that's sort of like...
01:51:08.000 You know, if you make a racist joke that's not funny, you're gonna die, dude!
01:51:13.000 You know what I mean?
01:51:14.000 That's the worst type of...
01:51:16.000 Since there's a real live comedy crowd, you get a real good barometer for what's going on, and it makes it more exciting.
01:51:25.000 It's just so fun, what we're doing.
01:51:28.000 Keeping it refillable, like what you said.
01:51:30.000 Finding new ways to tweak it here and there.
01:51:33.000 Well, every time I go, I do it once every six months or something.
01:51:36.000 There's always a new element.
01:51:37.000 There's always something new.
01:51:39.000 And the fact that the background guys like Jeremiah and all those guys change outfits all the time and they're constantly doing new things.
01:51:46.000 It's just a ridiculous show.
01:51:48.000 And that's the king.
01:51:49.000 Dom Herrera is the fucking king.
01:51:51.000 Yep.
01:51:51.000 He is so good at that shit.
01:51:53.000 Oh my god.
01:51:54.000 Everybody's smiling but Red Band.
01:51:55.000 Look at him.
01:51:56.000 It's all sad.
01:51:57.000 So serious.
01:51:57.000 Someone stole his dog.
01:51:59.000 Fuck.
01:52:00.000 Dom Herrera is the king of that shit, though.
01:52:02.000 He really is.
01:52:02.000 He's so good at it.
01:52:04.000 He really is.
01:52:05.000 He did this thing a couple weeks ago where he said to a guy, he's like, I like how you don't try to do that whole funny thing.
01:52:14.000 Everybody else tries these punchlines, these comedy things.
01:52:17.000 Not you.
01:52:18.000 Different path altogether.
01:52:20.000 He's so great at that.
01:52:21.000 He just says it like he's giving a big compliment.
01:52:24.000 Well, it's the new thing.
01:52:24.000 It's the Hannah Gadsby path.
01:52:27.000 A lot of people are doing anti-comedy.
01:52:29.000 Catch up, Tony.
01:52:31.000 Yeah, I guess I will.
01:52:32.000 Fucking cisgendered white male piece of shit.
01:52:35.000 I'm the bad guy.
01:52:36.000 Yep.
01:52:37.000 But yeah, just doing a lot of stand-up, ramping up to hopefully make another special soon, and I feel good about things.
01:52:44.000 So we'll see what happens.
01:52:45.000 Life is good.
01:52:46.000 I'm pumped.
01:52:47.000 Beautiful.
01:52:48.000 Yeah.
01:52:48.000 Good to hear.
01:52:49.000 It's gonna be a naughty special, when and if it happens.
01:52:53.000 Naughty?
01:52:53.000 It's not gonna be like Nanette.
01:52:55.000 You're gonna be naughty?
01:52:55.000 Yeah.
01:52:56.000 Hmm.
01:52:57.000 We're going to talk about some things.
01:52:58.000 Are you planning on being naughty or are you just naughty all the time?
01:53:02.000 It's modern day naughtiness, man.
01:53:04.000 Late night naughtiness.
01:53:06.000 Built in the darkness of the comedy store.
01:53:09.000 I think this is a good time for comedy.
01:53:10.000 A lot of people are complaining about comedy right now.
01:53:12.000 They think somehow or another this is a bad time for comedy.
01:53:15.000 But Ari Shafir said it best. 0.69
01:53:16.000 He said, you know what's good about comedy right now?
01:53:18.000 Comedy is dangerous.
01:53:19.000 There's real consequences to saying fucked up things.
01:53:22.000 Oh, I agree 100%.
01:53:24.000 And it makes us...
01:53:26.000 Some comedians are leaning towards it, right?
01:53:29.000 Like, I don't want to talk about that.
01:53:31.000 I don't want to talk about that.
01:53:32.000 I don't want to talk about that.
01:53:34.000 And they're losing the fun because all of a sudden I get up there.
01:53:39.000 You know what I mean?
01:53:40.000 You have the whole...
01:53:41.000 All of a sudden, you're touching the untouchable.
01:53:44.000 Yes.
01:53:44.000 Ari is exactly right.
01:53:45.000 It's also...
01:53:46.000 There's fun in explaining yourself.
01:53:49.000 There's fun in navigating the waters.
01:53:51.000 Right.
01:53:51.000 Like, this is one of the things that I've made sure that I did.
01:53:54.000 I thought very...
01:53:56.000 I thought out very thoroughly when I did Strange Times, my last special.
01:54:01.000 I wanted to make sure I really thought out how I can pull these bits off and how I can make them...
01:54:09.000 Doug Stanhope said it best.
01:54:11.000 He said he looks at his material like a defense attorney.
01:54:14.000 As if he's defending his material.
01:54:17.000 That's a great way to look at it.
01:54:18.000 I look at my material like I'm a hater.
01:54:20.000 If I was a hater, how would I poke fun at that?
01:54:22.000 If I was someone who's looking to be offended, how would I... Get that out of the way.
01:54:27.000 Like, there were some bits that I did in the last one, in Triggered, that I changed a lot of what they were from the beginning to when I put them on film.
01:54:37.000 Because of the way audience members were reacting, I was like, well, clearly I'm having a problem with this where they're not...
01:54:44.000 I'm not even getting to the switch.
01:54:46.000 I'm not getting to the misdirect because they're upset before I get to the misdirect.
01:54:51.000 I'm not...
01:54:52.000 It'll be fine if they let me get to the end, but sometimes they would heckle or they would get upset, like one lady at the Comedy Store.
01:54:59.000 I had explained to her twice.
01:55:00.000 I go, listen, I'm saying it like this because I'm going to shit on myself afterwards.
01:55:04.000 This is what I'm saying, and this is what...
01:55:06.000 It was a bit about...
01:55:06.000 You remember that bit I used to do about...
01:55:10.000 Women can do everything men can do. 1.00
01:55:12.000 That's not true because men can't do everything some men can do.
01:55:16.000 That's why we have the Olympics.
01:55:18.000 Like the idea that everybody could do everything, that's ridiculous.
01:55:21.000 Because it was about the woman who guarded the White House.
01:55:23.000 I was like, I can't guard the White House.
01:55:27.000 You know how I know?
01:55:28.000 Because I met Shaquille O'Neal, and his dick is where my face is.
01:55:31.000 And I had explained to her, like, this is...
01:55:33.000 See, this is where I was gonna go with it.
01:55:35.000 If the White House is experiencing a Shaq attack, I'm the last guy to save the Earth. 0.99
01:55:39.000 Okay?
01:55:39.000 He's just too fucking big.
01:55:41.000 You know?
01:55:41.000 And I would...
01:55:43.000 I was trying to get to this, but I was...
01:55:46.000 This lady was getting upset at me before I was... 1.00
01:55:48.000 So I had to think.
01:55:49.000 I was like, okay.
01:55:50.000 If there's a drunk dummy, how do I keep the drunk dummy from popping off before I get to the misdirect?
01:55:56.000 So I had to restructure things, and I had to figure out a way to make it so that it's clear, and you just have to navigate the waters more carefully.
01:56:07.000 But you can still get just as much juice out of it, just as much comedy, and just as much shit that's forbidden, just as many taboo topics.
01:56:16.000 Just you have to be really clear.
01:56:19.000 You have to have good writing.
01:56:21.000 That's what's great about doing the clubs on the road before necessarily doing bigger venues or whatever, because you really can feel them.
01:56:31.000 You feel where those moments are.
01:56:33.000 Sometimes in a bigger venue, you're sort of taking a gamble.
01:56:40.000 You know what's going to get a laugh and what's not a laugh, but you can't really feel their...
01:56:46.000 You don't develop material in a big club.
01:56:48.000 Right.
01:56:48.000 Well, it's like a 10,000 seat room.
01:56:51.000 You don't develop material at like Air Canada Center, you know, the Scotiabank Arena that we went to.
01:56:57.000 Yeah.
01:56:57.000 You don't develop any material there.
01:56:59.000 You better have that shit solid.
01:57:01.000 Yeah.
01:57:01.000 You can't even have it memorized.
01:57:03.000 It has to be part of your, your, better than anything.
01:57:07.000 You have to know it better than you know anything.
01:57:09.000 But like, what is it?
01:57:10.000 The Funny Bone in Columbus?
01:57:11.000 Yeah.
01:57:12.000 That place.
01:57:13.000 You develop material there.
01:57:14.000 Comedy Works Denver.
01:57:15.000 You develop material there.
01:57:16.000 You develop material in clubs.
01:57:18.000 You have to have both.
01:57:19.000 I firmly believe that those guys who just do big places and they only play to their audiences, they're fucking themselves.
01:57:26.000 Totally.
01:57:27.000 It's like an athlete that doesn't strength train.
01:57:29.000 Or it's like, you know, someone who doesn't, they work out, but they don't watch their diet.
01:57:34.000 It's like, man, if you want the best results, you've got to do the whole thing.
01:57:38.000 They're out of touch.
01:57:39.000 I mean, you've got to do the whole thing.
01:57:42.000 Those people, let's just, I mean, I don't want to name any names.
01:57:46.000 Say it.
01:57:46.000 No, no, no.
01:57:47.000 I mean, but let's just say a guy that's super-duper famous goes to a theater, you know, one of those big legends, what they don't do is they don't experiment not being funny.
01:57:58.000 What they should do is they should have a secret five-minute experimental bit buried in their set that's purposely nothing funny about it, and run it.
01:58:07.000 And when they hear those laughs, that's when they'll realize, like, oh, shit.
01:58:12.000 Oh, shit.
01:58:14.000 They're laughing no matter what, because I have them trained.
01:58:17.000 Is that true?
01:58:18.000 If it's their fans and their dumb comedy fans...
01:58:21.000 I don't think they're going to laugh at things that aren't funny, but I think they're going to laugh harder at things that aren't as good.
01:58:26.000 I think they're going to want...
01:58:28.000 Like, I went to see a comic.
01:58:29.000 I'm not going to name any names.
01:58:30.000 Me and Joey Diaz went to see him.
01:58:32.000 Because we were playing in the place the next night.
01:58:35.000 And it was...
01:58:37.000 It was one of those situations where someone was doing their material for their audience and you could tell they hadn't been working out in the clubs.
01:58:43.000 You could just see it.
01:58:45.000 And the people wanted to laugh.
01:58:47.000 They wanted to laugh.
01:58:48.000 They were fans and they were with it.
01:58:50.000 That's the difference between that and say a set at the store when it's 11pm on a Tuesday night when they've already seen you and Joey Diaz and Ari and all these other killers.
01:59:01.000 You gotta be funny.
01:59:03.000 Actually funny.
01:59:04.000 It doesn't matter if you're Fill in the name.
01:59:09.000 Whatever fucking superstar.
01:59:10.000 You have to actually be funny.
01:59:11.000 They give you a minute or two to get settled in on stage.
01:59:14.000 They're clapping.
01:59:15.000 They're excited to see you.
01:59:17.000 Come with the fucking jokes.
01:59:19.000 Barely do they give you a minute.
01:59:21.000 Really, they really do.
01:59:24.000 It's really, truly 30 seconds.
01:59:26.000 Especially in the OR. It really is.
01:59:28.000 It really is.
01:59:30.000 It's so hard to recover from a spin-out.
01:59:33.000 So much easier to start strong and take chances and fizzle out than it is to...
01:59:38.000 Not start off on the right foot and get them going.
01:59:42.000 It's also because they're right on top of you in the OR. They're right there.
01:59:45.000 I mean, you could just high-five them.
01:59:47.000 And they know.
01:59:48.000 At that point, they know what's going on.
01:59:50.000 They know you better get to it.
01:59:54.000 They've already seen six of their favorite new comedians.
01:59:59.000 They're already waiting to Google the lineup after they go home.
02:00:02.000 They're like, oh my god, this is crazy.
02:00:05.000 And they know what the blue light in the corner means all of a sudden.
02:00:08.000 They're like, oh, this guy's got three more minutes.
02:00:10.000 He better fucking stick that landing.
02:00:14.000 They're not that dumb.
02:00:15.000 It takes, what, seeing two or three comedians in the original room, which is only 45 minutes, before you're trained.
02:00:21.000 And you know everything that's going on.
02:00:22.000 Ooh, here comes the piano guy.
02:00:23.000 Yeah.
02:00:24.000 There goes the light.
02:00:25.000 You see the piano guy walking to his seat.
02:00:27.000 Exactly.
02:00:28.000 Here he comes.
02:00:28.000 Exactly.
02:00:29.000 The weirdest place is the belly room.
02:00:32.000 That's the weirdest room.
02:00:33.000 I fucking love that room.
02:00:34.000 That room's so weird.
02:00:35.000 The birthplace of Kill Tony.
02:00:37.000 That's another thing that makes Kill Tony fun is it's like it was totally just it was a belly room baby and now you see this big man like having Kill Tony mania.
02:00:48.000 I drove a van of 14 people up there.
02:00:51.000 I saw a big giant picture up from Instagram.
02:00:54.000 It was one of the coolest things.
02:00:56.000 I can't remember who I was talking to last night but I said Yeah, and I said it was the coolest 24 hours of my life because I picked everybody up at the comedy store.
02:01:04.000 I go, be at the comedy store 9 a.m.
02:01:06.000 Friday morning.
02:01:07.000 I'm going to pick you up and I'm driving everybody back that night.
02:01:10.000 And I literally did.
02:01:12.000 I went and rented this big, cool, badass fucking luxury van.
02:01:16.000 So you did two shows in San Francisco and then you drove back that night?
02:01:19.000 Hell yes.
02:01:20.000 What time did you get home?
02:01:21.000 I think it was 7 or 8. Actually, it was like 8 a.m.
02:01:25.000 How'd you stay awake?
02:01:27.000 Um, first of all, after a Kill Tony, I'm a freak for like three or four hours, so I knew that.
02:01:33.000 So I'm like, that's gonna be easy.
02:01:34.000 And I was, cause like adrenaline, like hosting adrenaline, like I'm crazy about that show.
02:01:40.000 So it's like so much, like I'm looking at where Red Band's fingers are.
02:01:44.000 I'm trying to get the guest involved.
02:01:46.000 So you're wired.
02:01:48.000 You know, I'm thinking moves ahead the whole time.
02:01:50.000 I'm super wired.
02:01:51.000 So I knew I really just needed to survive the last two hours.
02:01:54.000 Whew.
02:01:55.000 And it was awesome, man.
02:01:56.000 Hot coffee, beef jerky, cold sugar-free Red Bull is enough for me.
02:02:01.000 My body was like, what the fuck are you doing when I got home?
02:02:06.000 Did you do a set Saturday night anywhere?
02:02:08.000 You're damn motherfucking right.
02:02:09.000 Main room, baby.
02:02:12.000 I slept from 11 a.m.
02:02:14.000 to like 6.30.
02:02:17.000 That's awesome.
02:02:18.000 It was so cool.
02:02:18.000 That's awesome.
02:02:19.000 But the really cool thing, as cheesy as this is going to sound, is taking those 14 people, all with different backstories, all from different years and different amounts of appearances.
02:02:31.000 Sarah Wineshank and Ali Mikofsky were regulars over the different years at different times.
02:02:38.000 All the fans know from seeing them each a hundred times on a hundred different episodes and this guy and this guy and this guy and this guy and the band and everybody was just on fire.
02:02:47.000 We met some of the best and worst people you can imagine in all of San Francisco.
02:02:53.000 In the history of the 303 episodes of the show, there's only been one guy that ever walked off the stage angrily that couldn't handle the heat.
02:03:03.000 That happened in San Francisco like two and a half years ago.
02:03:06.000 The same guy?
02:03:07.000 We didn't realize until he did it again that it was the same guy.
02:03:13.000 He walked off again?
02:03:13.000 He walked off.
02:03:14.000 I go, you know, the only other time that anyone's ever walked off in Kill Tony history was here in San Francisco.
02:03:21.000 And the crowd goes, and like 10, 15, 20 people stand up and literally go, that was the same guy!
02:03:28.000 I'm like, that was the same guy!
02:03:30.000 That was the same guy!
02:03:32.000 I mean, the...
02:03:33.000 The energy of the show and the fans and everything, man, it's so cool.
02:03:37.000 But yeah, I can't remember what made me get on this, but I drove everybody there and back, and it made it such a...
02:03:42.000 I was like the dad for a day, you know what I mean?
02:03:46.000 I bought everybody in and out on the way up there.
02:03:48.000 It was so cool.
02:03:50.000 Everybody was just so happy.
02:03:51.000 Look at that van.
02:03:52.000 Strawberry shakes.
02:03:53.000 That van is hilarious.
02:03:54.000 And that's the second row there.
02:03:57.000 It's me and Ali Mikofsky in the front on this picture.
02:04:01.000 Who's the fake John Reap in the back?
02:04:02.000 Oh, that's William Montgomery, and he's coming for everybody's jobs.
02:04:06.000 That guy is a genius.
02:04:11.000 He's like Andy Kaufman meets a fucking Tennessee trucker.
02:04:14.000 He's coming for everybody.
02:04:15.000 Everybody's going to know who that guy is eventually.
02:04:17.000 He's been doing it 11 years out of Memphis, Tennessee, and he just got here a few months ago, and he's just an improv guru.
02:04:25.000 He just goes.
02:04:26.000 He bullshits.
02:04:28.000 You can ask him anything.
02:04:30.000 And he's literally got like that comedy twitch muscle where he just riffs and it's the dumbest shit and the most glorious shit at the same time.
02:04:39.000 So this is the second row.
02:04:40.000 So you're ahead in the front here driving while Watkins takes his picture.
02:04:43.000 You got Aphrodite taking a nap.
02:04:45.000 Look at that fro. 0.97
02:04:46.000 Second row from the back, Ryan J.E. Belt, the house artist.
02:04:50.000 You got Josh, who decided to sit in the middle, the continuous grump.
02:04:54.000 He gets motion sickness, and he didn't sit next to a window for some reason, so that's a genuine frown on his face.
02:05:03.000 Mikey McKernan in the back left.
02:05:05.000 I mean all these people did amazing things.
02:05:08.000 It was just so incredible.
02:05:09.000 George and Christian slinging merch at the front.
02:05:12.000 I just love like grassroots created shows like that where it just started out as nothing and then it became what it is now.
02:05:20.000 I just love shit like that.
02:05:21.000 I love when people have an idea and they stick with it.
02:05:23.000 When are you gonna start doing the Golden Pony Hour again, speaking of which?
02:05:27.000 Uh, probably, uh, probably actually, uh, really soon.
02:05:31.000 I just gotta, I just gotta do it.
02:05:33.000 I have to, um, I have to figure out whether I want to do it at the comedy store or not, though, because it seems like, I don't know.
02:05:40.000 Why not?
02:05:41.000 You're really good with live audiences like that, off the cuff.
02:05:44.000 Why not have a show like that and do it in the belly room? 1.00
02:05:47.000 Do it on an off night in the belly room. 0.70
02:05:49.000 You know, you did one Monday night.
02:05:50.000 You were doing Monday night.
02:05:51.000 Yeah.
02:05:52.000 Find another, like, off time, 10 p.m., especially if you do it late night.
02:05:56.000 Like, some weird late night show.
02:05:58.000 Yeah, I think you're right, actually.
02:06:00.000 That might be the move.
02:06:01.000 Fuck yeah.
02:06:01.000 I think I need to do it in front of a live audience.
02:06:04.000 It's your forte.
02:06:05.000 Yeah.
02:06:05.000 I mean, you're great at that kind of stuff.
02:06:06.000 Yeah.
02:06:07.000 And to do it in a small, intimate room, like the belly room, and to build it back up, you can get a logo and a big sign behind you, the golden pony hour.
02:06:15.000 Yeah.
02:06:15.000 Maybe a gold suit.
02:06:16.000 Maybe you do every show with a gold suit on.
02:06:18.000 I like the way you're talking now.
02:06:20.000 I'm telling you, right?
02:06:22.000 I can fulfill the prophecy.
02:06:24.000 The prophecy.
02:06:25.000 What is the prophecy?
02:06:25.000 The mastermind.
02:06:26.000 Remember the mastermind?
02:06:27.000 No.
02:06:28.000 The pro wrestling manager.
02:06:30.000 The guy that writes everything and executes it.
02:06:34.000 You could do something like that.
02:06:35.000 Like have a cool backdrop.
02:06:37.000 You know, like some sort of a simple portable backdrop.
02:06:39.000 Look at that.
02:06:40.000 Oh, hell yes.
02:06:42.000 Oh, come on. 0.87
02:06:43.000 Gold lame.
02:06:44.000 It's for the cutout.
02:06:45.000 Oh, that's a star.
02:06:45.000 Stand up.
02:06:46.000 Like, the suit's only $40?
02:06:48.000 What's it made out of?
02:06:51.000 See if you can find one of them suits.
02:06:53.000 Gold lame.
02:06:53.000 What is that word, lame?
02:06:55.000 What does that word mean?
02:06:56.000 L-A-M-E? I've seen that word before and it's one of those words I never bothered to look up.
02:07:01.000 Lame.
02:07:02.000 Ah!
02:07:02.000 You said lame!
02:07:07.000 I don't know how to get that E up.
02:07:08.000 Hold on.
02:07:09.000 What does it mean?
02:07:11.000 LeMay suit.
02:07:12.000 Just type in suit.
02:07:15.000 Unable to walk normally.
02:07:16.000 No, that's lame, bro.
02:07:18.000 Oh, it does say that.
02:07:19.000 Well, I typed in the...
02:07:21.000 Here, fabric.
02:07:22.000 Oh, it's a type of fabric.
02:07:23.000 There it is.
02:07:25.000 Lame is a type of fabric woven or knit with thin ribbons of metallic fiber.
02:07:31.000 Oh, yeah.
02:07:33.000 That's your shit.
02:07:34.000 A fucking gold lame suit, dude.
02:07:37.000 That's what I'm gonna get.
02:07:38.000 Hold on.
02:07:39.000 Type in gold lame suit.
02:07:43.000 Here we go, baby.
02:07:45.000 $1,200 jacket?
02:07:47.000 Let me see.
02:07:48.000 No, we need to get some custom-made shit.
02:07:50.000 That's what we need to do.
02:07:52.000 If I hired someone to build you a suit, would you...
02:07:55.000 Yeah?
02:07:56.000 I'd wear the shit out of it.
02:07:57.000 Alright.
02:07:58.000 You kidding me?
02:07:58.000 There's someone out...
02:07:59.000 That shit was...
02:08:00.000 That's ridiculous.
02:08:01.000 That one's a little ridiculous.
02:08:03.000 Isn't it?
02:08:03.000 I don't know.
02:08:04.000 Any old iron sequined suit.
02:08:08.000 I mean...
02:08:08.000 That sequined, though.
02:08:10.000 There's, like, silver in there.
02:08:11.000 That shit's gonna get in your fucking clothes and stuff.
02:08:15.000 It'll get in the washing machine.
02:08:16.000 This looks like a Tony suit.
02:08:17.000 I think you need to get someone to make you one of them.
02:08:20.000 I think we need to hire a bodysuit? 0.95
02:08:24.000 What does it say?
02:08:25.000 It's a ninja suit?
02:08:27.000 Cosplay.
02:08:28.000 Oh, those poor cosplay people. 0.70
02:08:30.000 Oh, jeez.
02:08:32.000 Yeah.
02:08:33.000 We need to get someone to make you one.
02:08:35.000 Yeah, it needs to be tailored properly.
02:08:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:08:37.000 It's got to fit you.
02:08:38.000 We need to get David August.
02:08:41.000 That's the company that makes Conor McGregor suits.
02:08:44.000 They make my suits for the UFC. Really?
02:08:46.000 Yeah.
02:08:47.000 Oh, hell yeah.
02:08:48.000 I can't wear regular suits.
02:08:50.000 I'm not built like a normal person.
02:08:52.000 So look at that.
02:08:53.000 She's wearing one.
02:08:54.000 Hot bitch. 1.00
02:08:54.000 Woo! 1.00
02:08:55.000 Damn.
02:08:57.000 Yeah.
02:08:57.000 Okay.
02:08:58.000 So we're going to do that.
02:08:58.000 I'm going to hire David August to make you a gold lame suit that fits you perfectly.
02:09:04.000 Yes!
02:09:05.000 And this will be the launch.
02:09:06.000 And you've heard about it here, folks.
02:09:08.000 The launch of the Golden Pony Hour.
02:09:09.000 Live from the Comedy Store Wednesday nights.
02:09:12.000 Live from the Comedy Store in the belly room.
02:09:14.000 You can buy Elvis' suit.
02:09:15.000 No, I don't want to buy Elvis' suit.
02:09:16.000 He's been farting in it, taking pills.
02:09:18.000 There's probably pills in that pocket that'll kill you right now.
02:09:21.000 Oh, God.
02:09:23.000 Elton John.
02:09:25.000 Billy Joel and Elton John staying all together again.
02:09:27.000 Alright.
02:09:28.000 Yeah, so we'll do it.
02:09:29.000 Dude, I gotta finish my fucking act so we can get on the road again.
02:09:33.000 Yeah.
02:09:34.000 I'm excited.
02:09:35.000 What is it now?
02:09:35.000 It's October 31st.
02:09:37.000 Tomorrow's the first...
02:09:39.000 I'm going to start doing mushrooms immediately.
02:09:42.000 And I'm looking.
02:09:44.000 I have 35 minutes now.
02:09:45.000 35 minutes.
02:09:46.000 I've timed it out.
02:09:48.000 35 new minutes.
02:09:49.000 I can actually do a 35 minute set.
02:09:51.000 I did a 35 minute set.
02:09:53.000 I'm looking at...
02:09:56.000 January.
02:09:56.000 January, start booking dates.
02:09:58.000 I love it.
02:09:59.000 You're gonna start booking in January or booking for?
02:10:01.000 Booking for January.
02:10:02.000 So November, stay in LA. December, stay in LA. January.
02:10:07.000 Maybe we do like the comedy works in Denver in the fucking dead of winter.
02:10:11.000 What?
02:10:12.000 I think I'm going to London for the first time in the middle of February.
02:10:15.000 Oh shit.
02:10:16.000 Yeah.
02:10:16.000 You'll love it out there.
02:10:18.000 Yeah.
02:10:18.000 They're very polite.
02:10:19.000 Do you remember the first time that we did Stockholm and you thought that you weren't doing well because they're very polite in between sets?
02:10:25.000 And I had to say, no, no, no.
02:10:27.000 They listen.
02:10:28.000 They were laughing.
02:10:29.000 You're like, I felt like a bomb.
02:10:30.000 By the way, I didn't believe you.
02:10:31.000 I had to ask everybody around me.
02:10:36.000 I took what you said.
02:10:40.000 I believed you, but I didn't really believe you.
02:10:43.000 I thought you were just being nice.
02:10:47.000 It's like, oh, he's trying to give me a pep talk.
02:10:48.000 I would never do that.
02:10:50.000 Just know that.
02:10:51.000 I know.
02:10:52.000 If you ate shit, I'd tell you, dude, you can do better.
02:10:55.000 I know, but I know you wouldn't do that.
02:10:57.000 That's why it was crazy to me, because I'm like, either the world is different over here on the other side of the world, or...
02:11:05.000 They're fucking with me.
02:11:07.000 Two things to take into consideration.
02:11:08.000 One, it's their second language.
02:11:10.000 So it's basically, it's a novelty.
02:11:11.000 They're going out to see comedy, which is a novelty.
02:11:14.000 I'm sure they're Swedish comedians, but I'm sure the timing and the language is just very different, going from Swedish-style comedy to American-style comedy.
02:11:24.000 But they're just really polite.
02:11:26.000 So they would laugh, and then they would stop, and they would listen.
02:11:31.000 And you're like, it just felt like dead in between the bits.
02:11:33.000 I'm like, I'm telling you, man, you did great.
02:11:36.000 But then you saw it when they were doing it for my set.
02:11:39.000 And you're like, oh, that's how they really are.
02:11:41.000 I go, yeah.
02:11:42.000 I go, but they had a great time.
02:11:43.000 But they laugh, but there's not all this chatter in between the jokes.
02:11:48.000 They wait, and then they're laughing again, and they're laughing again.
02:11:51.000 But then your second set, we did two shows that night, you came out and you were comfortable.
02:11:55.000 Yeah.
02:11:56.000 You were fun.
02:11:56.000 Because I embraced it.
02:11:57.000 I stayed in the pocket instead of being like, what's going on?
02:12:01.000 Well, they are that way in England as well.
02:12:03.000 In England, they really appreciate the craft.
02:12:06.000 They really appreciate stand-up comedy.
02:12:08.000 And they really appreciate it as a show.
02:12:10.000 They're extremely polite when they watch shows.
02:12:13.000 I really enjoy performing there.
02:12:14.000 I like it a lot.
02:12:16.000 I haven't been there in a while, and I know I should go back.
02:12:18.000 And I will, I promise.
02:12:19.000 But the last time I was there, I was like, man, they're intelligent.
02:12:23.000 They're polite.
02:12:25.000 Like, the way they watch a show, like, they go to see a show, you know?
02:12:30.000 That place is great.
02:12:31.000 Manchester's great.
02:12:32.000 London's great.
02:12:34.000 Newcastle.
02:12:35.000 I did a lot of places in England at a good time.
02:12:37.000 You know what else is fucking great, but in a different way?
02:12:40.000 Wild?
02:12:40.000 Dublin.
02:12:41.000 You gotta do Dublin.
02:12:43.000 Dublin's chaos.
02:12:44.000 Yeah, I wanna go over there.
02:12:45.000 But you gotta get drunk.
02:12:48.000 Have they done a UFC there?
02:12:50.000 Yeah, they've done UFCs there.
02:12:51.000 Sure.
02:12:53.000 Has Conor fought there?
02:12:55.000 I'm sure.
02:12:57.000 I don't know if there's been a UFC in Dublin while he was huge though.
02:13:04.000 I don't know.
02:13:06.000 That's a good question.
02:13:07.000 Because they were gonna do like a soccer stadium over there.
02:13:10.000 When was the last time Conor fought in Dublin?
02:13:15.000 I don't know, man.
02:13:16.000 It seems like that would make sense.
02:13:19.000 Yeah, was it Cage Wars?
02:13:20.000 No, he did fight one UFC. UFC fight against Brandao.
02:13:23.000 Oh, Diego Brandao.
02:13:25.000 So that was like his first, second fight.
02:13:25.000 Yeah, okay.
02:13:27.000 Yeah, so I think it's, yeah.
02:13:30.000 Yeah.
02:13:31.000 His first one was in Stockholm, then Boston, then Dublin, and then every other one was in Vegas, except for two.
02:13:37.000 Yeah, now though?
02:13:39.000 Jesus Christ, that guy can't even walk in Dublin.
02:13:41.000 That guy can't go anywhere.
02:13:43.000 Ooh, that's something that we're about to do together.
02:13:45.000 We're going to go to Toronto.
02:13:47.000 Oh yeah, your girl's fighting. 1.00
02:13:48.000 My girl's fighting. 1.00
02:13:49.000 Guess who's undefeated with me next to the octagon?
02:13:53.000 Yawani and Jacek.
02:13:54.000 Damn right.
02:13:54.000 Guess who's about to be?
02:13:56.000 Remember when she got that strawweight championship, what'd she do? 1.00
02:13:59.000 She ran out of the octagon, came and took a picture with Tony.
02:14:01.000 And she tongue kissed you.
02:14:02.000 That's right.
02:14:03.000 Didn't she?
02:14:03.000 Yes.
02:14:04.000 Yeah, she reached into your pants and grabbed your maluk stick. 0.99
02:14:07.000 Yep.
02:14:09.000 And...
02:14:09.000 I believe that's what's gonna happen again.
02:14:12.000 No, she didn't do any of those things, folks. 1.00
02:14:13.000 We're just joking.
02:14:14.000 Yeah, we're kidding.
02:14:15.000 But she did jump out of the octagon and take a picture with... 0.71
02:14:17.000 Well, no, that's a different one.
02:14:19.000 Hey, Tony, I punch you in the face and you do nothing.
02:14:22.000 That one bottom right there. 1.00
02:14:24.000 Again and again and again and again.
02:14:26.000 Bottom right.
02:14:28.000 Yep.
02:14:29.000 Right there?
02:14:29.000 Boom.
02:14:30.000 Yeah, that's kind of it.
02:14:31.000 Oh yeah, she did.
02:14:32.000 She ran right out. 1.00
02:14:33.000 She came out and she pointed at me. 1.00
02:14:35.000 Yeah.
02:14:35.000 And goes, come over here.
02:14:36.000 Look at that.
02:14:37.000 With her belt on.
02:14:38.000 Yep.
02:14:39.000 That is hilarious.
02:14:41.000 Yeah, it's a tough fight, man.
02:14:42.000 She's fighting Valentina Shevchenko. 0.56
02:14:44.000 Valentina is a fucking murderer, man. 1.00
02:14:46.000 She is a monster. 1.00
02:14:47.000 However, I think not having to cut that extra 10 pounds is going to give Ioana a lot of pop and a lot of extra energy. 1.00
02:14:53.000 And we're going to see the old Ioana, you know what I mean?
02:14:57.000 Rose had her number, technically.
02:14:59.000 But that's the only person we've ever seen have her number.
02:15:02.000 So...
02:15:03.000 Yeah, she absolutely struggles to make 115 pounds. 1.00
02:15:06.000 Absolutely, undeniably, it's an agonizing weight cut for her.
02:15:10.000 I think it'd be better for her.
02:15:12.000 They have fought before, you know.
02:15:13.000 They fought two or three times in Muay Thai, and Valentina's won all the fights.
02:15:19.000 Yeah.
02:15:20.000 Valentina's a beast, man.
02:15:21.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:15:22.000 And she's bigger.
02:15:23.000 Valentina's coming down from 135 to 125. But I like it.
02:15:29.000 It's probably one of the more technical female MMA fights you're ever going to see. 1.00
02:15:33.000 In terms of like, you know, you want to be in world champion Muay Thai fighter, Valentina being, you know, at that same level.
02:15:40.000 They're just both super, super technical.
02:15:42.000 I'm pumped.
02:15:44.000 That's going to be fun.
02:15:45.000 Yeah.
02:15:45.000 Going to hang out in Toronto.
02:15:46.000 Hell yeah.
02:15:47.000 Woo! 0.99
02:15:47.000 All right. 0.99
02:15:49.000 Let's wrap this fucking thing up.
02:15:50.000 So Rocktober.
02:15:51.000 It's been a good time.
02:15:52.000 It's over.
02:15:52.000 Let me see the standings.
02:15:54.000 See if anybody made a wild push today to try to...
02:15:59.000 Does it end at midnight East Coast or West Coast?
02:16:03.000 Do you guys have...
02:16:04.000 Have you said that?
02:16:04.000 Yeah, East Coast because...
02:16:05.000 Oh, so it ends in six hours.
02:16:06.000 What's going on with my fucking phone?
02:16:08.000 Six and a half hours.
02:16:09.000 It won't let me open the phone.
02:16:12.000 Oh, great new bug, Apple.
02:16:14.000 Stuck in the notifications.
02:16:15.000 Look, the notifications?
02:16:16.000 Stuck in it.
02:16:17.000 The clock hasn't even shown up.
02:16:19.000 Look at that.
02:16:19.000 Wonderful.
02:16:20.000 Close it and then try it again.
02:16:21.000 Wonderful new bug.
02:16:22.000 Yeah, but what's up with that bug?
02:16:24.000 That's fucking terrible.
02:16:25.000 Oh, it's doing it again.
02:16:26.000 They had a button you could press.
02:16:27.000 Wonderful.
02:16:27.000 Wonderful new bug.
02:16:29.000 That's crazy.
02:16:29.000 You fucking piece of shit.
02:16:34.000 Good night, everybody.
02:16:37.000 Get that ready.
02:16:38.000 What a fucking stupid bug.