The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1364 - Brian Redban

00:00:04.000 Hello, Brian.

00:00:04.000 Hello, Joe.

00:00:05.000 What are you doing?

00:00:06.000 Just hanging.

00:00:07.000 Yeah, you're not sober, are you?

00:00:09.000 This isn't sober October for you.

00:00:10.000 Oh, no.

00:00:11.000 You're not doing it?

00:00:12.000 Nah.

00:00:12.000 You can get high.

00:00:13.000 I'll watch.

00:00:13.000 Okay.

00:00:14.000 Can I blow it on you?

00:00:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:00:16.000 I don't think that counts.

00:00:18.000 Oh, this is a joint.

00:00:21.000 Oh, really?

00:00:21.000 Yeah, that's all weed.

00:00:22.000 That's Mike Tyson's weed.

00:00:24.000 Oh, sweet.

00:00:25.000 Yeah.

00:00:26.000 Look at this.

00:00:26.000 I got a torch.

00:00:28.000 Cigar torch.

00:00:29.000 I could smoke a cigar with you.

00:00:30.000 Oh, sweet.

00:00:31.000 That's legal.

00:00:31.000 Ari and I were thinking that when we started Sober October, we started smoking cigars, we were thinking maybe that will disqualify us and we can just quit.

00:00:39.000 Yeah, what does...

00:00:40.000 Kabucha has alcohol.

00:00:43.000 Kabucha?

00:00:43.000 Yeah.

00:00:44.000 But it can't really get you drunk.

00:00:46.000 You stay sober.

00:00:46.000 You'd have to drink a case of it to even catch a buzz.

00:00:49.000 Yeah.

00:00:50.000 But if you scheduled a doctor's appointment, like a dentist appointment, they gave you some pills or something.

00:00:54.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:00:55.000 You get lit up.

00:00:56.000 Okay?

00:00:57.000 Yeah, like, what if you get surgery?

00:00:58.000 Like, what if somebody got their appendix taken out?

00:01:00.000 Yeah, are you allowed to do any kind of, like, medication or medicine?

00:01:04.000 No, you have to die.

00:01:07.000 There's no real rules for that.

00:01:13.000 I mean, look, it's not... 0.99

00:01:14.000 The thing about this contest that's really stupid is there's no consequences. 0.98

00:01:19.000 Not even a friendly penalty of, like... 0.99

00:01:21.000 No, there's nothing.

00:01:22.000 Open for someone.

00:01:23.000 I could have a glass of wine right now.

00:01:25.000 Nothing could happen.

00:01:26.000 Yeah.

00:01:26.000 Oh, no, I lost.

00:01:27.000 Yeah.

00:01:28.000 Oh, my God, I lost.

00:01:30.000 I'll tell you what, though.

00:01:31.000 I've been getting a lot of messages from people that are inspired, and it makes me feel real good.

00:01:36.000 I reached out to some dude yesterday on Instagram because he lost... 0.99

00:01:40.000 Something like 200 fucking pounds. 0.99

00:01:42.000 I mean, it's crazy. 0.99

00:01:44.000 That's the dude who had the scars all over because he got the extra skin removed after he lost all the weight.

00:01:50.000 It's amazing.

00:01:52.000 Sober October, you know, sometimes you just have to have a thing like that where everybody goes, I'm going to do it too.

00:01:58.000 And then it gives you the reason, like a motivation to get going.

00:02:02.000 Sometimes that's all people need, man. 1.00

00:02:04.000 Yeah, I just got over the keto thing, so now I'm just like, fuck that. 0.99

00:02:09.000 I feel like I'm free again, like I can have normal food again. 0.99

00:02:15.000 That's hard to do, man.

00:02:16.000 Keto's hard to do.

00:02:17.000 It kind of got to me to the point where now I'm doing the opposite.

00:02:21.000 I'm just like, I want to eat everything, because I've been wanting to eat pizza for so long, and...

00:02:26.000 Like Catholic school girls. 0.99

00:02:27.000 Tell them to stay away from tech and they can't wait to get a hold of one.

00:02:30.000 100%.

00:02:31.000 That's what it is.

00:02:32.000 People don't like being told what to do.

00:02:34.000 They don't like being forced into something that they don't enjoy.

00:02:39.000 That's why school is ineffective.

00:02:41.000 That's why so many things don't work.

00:02:44.000 But the keto thing, the problem with it is...

00:02:48.000 I think it's a healthy thing for a lot of folks.

00:02:51.000 If you have epilepsy, apparently it's the thing because it can stop your seizures.

00:02:56.000 There's people that have epilepsy, they get ketogenic and it just kicks it off.

00:03:01.000 You don't get seizures anymore.

00:03:04.000 But it's boring.

00:03:06.000 Every now and then I want pasta.

00:03:07.000 And also fruit.

00:03:09.000 I like fruit.

00:03:10.000 That was the biggest one for me.

00:03:11.000 Just fruit.

00:03:12.000 Like watermelon.

00:03:13.000 You know how great just having some watermelon in the morning is?

00:03:15.000 Oh my god.

00:03:16.000 It's the most delicious fruit ever, I think.

00:03:18.000 Like a good, perfect watermelon on a hot day.

00:03:21.000 My god.

00:03:22.000 It's amazing. 0.99

00:03:24.000 You know, it's a fucked up fruit, though, because it's only racist fruit. 0.99

00:03:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:03:29.000 You know?

00:03:30.000 It's like the only fruit that's attached to racism.

00:03:32.000 There's no other fruit where you can make fun of someone for eating and it's like racist. 0.99

00:03:38.000 Have you ever had that durian shit? 1.00

00:03:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:03:40.000 It's good. 1.00

00:03:41.000 It's not bad, right?

00:03:43.000 But God, it smells weird.

00:03:44.000 It smells horrible.

00:03:45.000 Have you had it, Jamie?

00:03:47.000 They have it in Thailand.

00:03:48.000 In Thailand, they love it.

00:03:49.000 I tried it in Thailand.

00:03:51.000 It's like this weird...

00:03:52.000 It's like spiky looking.

00:03:53.000 Yeah, spiky on the outside.

00:03:54.000 Then the inside, it's kind of mango-like.

00:03:57.000 Sort of like a pale mango.

00:04:00.000 It's not my favorite, but I tried it. 1.00

00:04:02.000 But god damn, it smells like dog shit. 1.00

00:04:04.000 It smells so bad that they ban it in a lot of hotels. 1.00

00:04:07.000 Because people will go into hotels, and folks that come from a culture where they eat that stuff all the time, they'll bring bags of it, and the whole family's eating that stuff, and it wafts down the hallway, and people are like, what in the fuck? 0.98

00:04:19.000 It says it smells like Limburger, or it has been compared to Limburger. 0.77

00:04:23.000 Yeah, it's got a weird smell.

00:04:25.000 You can't take it on public transportation in some places either.

00:04:28.000 Yeah, it stinks.

00:04:30.000 It's weird, but it tastes good.

00:04:32.000 My friend did that fasting diet.

00:04:34.000 What's that?

00:04:35.000 Not fasting.

00:04:36.000 The one where you only eat a small part of the day.

00:04:40.000 Yeah, I do that.

00:04:41.000 Intermittent fasting.

00:04:42.000 He woke up sleepwalking one night.

00:04:49.000 Found out on his Nest cams, like his security cameras, he goes into the bathroom, passes and falls down, and hits his head, and he showed a picture of just blood everywhere in his bathroom.

00:05:00.000 Goes back to bed, didn't even know about it.

00:05:02.000 Wakes up and he sees blood everywhere.

00:05:04.000 Checks his cameras, finally he's sleepwalking.

00:05:06.000 A couple days later, he starts having seizures, like out of the blue.

00:05:10.000 Goes to the doctor, and the doctor says it's because of that, that diet he was doing.

00:05:13.000 His brain was starving...

00:05:15.000 That's what that doctor said. 1.00

00:05:17.000 That doctor's making shit up. 1.00

00:05:19.000 Yeah, you think that? 1.00

00:05:19.000 Yeah, that guy needs to go to a neurologist. 1.00

00:05:21.000 He's probably got a fucking brain tumor. 1.00

00:05:23.000 One thing, though, I did know is that when I was on keto, I sleptwalked a lot. 1.00

00:05:29.000 And I think it was my body trying to find sugar.

00:05:32.000 Really?

00:05:32.000 Yeah, because I never sleepwalk because I have cameras in my living room.

00:05:37.000 I can't do this on this.

00:05:38.000 Yeah, I know.

00:05:38.000 It's kind of weird.

00:05:40.000 But when I was on keto, I sleptwalked maybe 10 times.

00:05:43.000 Since I've been off, I haven't sleptwalked once.

00:05:45.000 Can you say sleptwalked?

00:05:46.000 Is that the right word?

00:05:47.000 Sleptwalked?

00:05:48.000 Sleepwalked.

00:05:48.000 When you talk about past tense, is it sleepwalked or slepwalked?

00:05:54.000 Sleptwalked.

00:05:56.000 What is it?

00:05:57.000 It's sleepwalked.

00:05:58.000 I would say sleepwalked.

00:06:00.000 Yeah, it's probably sleepwalked.

00:06:01.000 But I don't think I've ever heard anybody say it past tense.

00:06:03.000 You can't past tense the first part of the compound word?

00:06:07.000 Oh, it's a weird one.

00:06:08.000 It's a weird one.

00:06:10.000 Slept?

00:06:10.000 I slept well last night, but I slept walked.

00:06:13.000 Yeah.

00:06:14.000 I did some sleepwalking.

00:06:15.000 You could say that.

00:06:17.000 Sleepwalking?

00:06:19.000 Yeah, but I think that's kind of interesting.

00:06:20.000 I wonder if it was my body craving sugar so bad that it woke me up.

00:06:24.000 Because I was going through the cupboards trying to find sugar.

00:06:27.000 Oh, well that makes sense.

00:06:28.000 Yeah, but I don't remember any of it.

00:06:31.000 How long were you keto for?

00:06:32.000 Seven months.

00:06:33.000 Yeah?

00:06:34.000 Eight months.

00:06:35.000 Hmm.

00:06:36.000 The intermittent fasting is a good move.

00:06:37.000 Because I think most of the time...

00:06:39.000 Look, for me, I eat when I'm bored.

00:06:41.000 I do it all the time.

00:06:42.000 Like, when I come home from the store and I'm writing, I just start eating.

00:06:45.000 And then I'm like, what am I doing?

00:06:47.000 Because I try to do intermittent fasting.

00:06:49.000 So that means...

00:06:50.000 If I come home and it's midnight and I'm writing and I start eating, that means I can't eat until 2 in the afternoon the next day.

00:06:56.000 And then just don't wake up until 2 in the afternoon.

00:06:58.000 I don't do that.

00:06:58.000 I can't.

00:06:59.000 I gotta work.

00:06:59.000 I got stuff to do.

00:07:00.000 I have kids.

00:07:01.000 I have responsibilities.

00:07:03.000 I'm not like a Peter Pan like you.

00:07:05.000 Right.

00:07:06.000 No, I think that would be the diet that makes the most sense, because I already seem to only eat once a day.

00:07:12.000 It's not healthy, though, to eat once a day.

00:07:14.000 No, it's not.

00:07:16.000 You should get a nutritionist. 0.82

00:07:17.000 You got some cash.

00:07:19.000 You should hire a trainer and get a nutritionist. 1.00

00:07:21.000 Yeah.

00:07:22.000 I'm thinking about going back to Weight Watchers.

00:07:23.000 I'm almost at my fattest level.

00:07:25.000 No.

00:07:25.000 I want to get really fat.

00:07:27.000 No.

00:07:27.000 You said that before.

00:07:30.000 You were on a strategy before.

00:07:31.000 I'm like, you keep saying you're going to lose weight.

00:07:33.000 You're like, I know what I'm doing.

00:07:33.000 I'm going to get really big, and then I'm going to lose weight.

00:07:35.000 I'm like, what?

00:07:36.000 What?

00:07:37.000 Because I always forget to take the before photo, and then I'm like halfway through a diet, I'm like, goddammit, now I'm just, I gotta quit this.

00:07:42.000 Now I'm normal.

00:07:43.000 Now it's like, oh yeah, but you didn't look that bad before you dieted.

00:07:45.000 Right, right.

00:07:46.000 I got my big fat beard on.

00:07:47.000 Just this beard, it looks like I gained 20 pounds.

00:07:49.000 Yeah, just shave the beard at the end.

00:07:51.000 It's sort of like when people get a tan, and they're after photos, and they look more ripped.

00:07:54.000 Yeah, 100%.

00:07:56.000 Like before, after.

00:07:57.000 Like the after, you just tan, bro.

00:07:58.000 Tan with better lighting.

00:08:00.000 Yeah.

00:08:01.000 Yeah, I follow a lot of bodybuilder girls, and I don't know why it's disturbing to me, but when they start cutting down weight, and then you see them, like, monitoring their food and watching their portions and shit, and they're getting leaner and leaner, it bothers me. 0.64

00:08:15.000 Like, I get nervous.

00:08:17.000 Why?

00:08:17.000 I don't know.

00:08:18.000 I'm like, it's just like, don't do that. 0.98

00:08:20.000 Like, ugh, just fucking... 0.94

00:08:21.000 Why? 1.00

00:08:23.000 Like, what are you doing?

00:08:24.000 Just losing all your fat?

00:08:25.000 Just so you can get on stage and squeeze everything?

00:08:28.000 Mm-hmm.

00:08:30.000 And pose...

00:08:31.000 I get it, you know?

00:08:33.000 But I don't...

00:08:34.000 See, I don't think that looks the best.

00:08:37.000 That's why I don't understand.

00:08:38.000 That's what weirds me out.

00:08:39.000 I don't think it looks the best.

00:08:41.000 Especially for ladies. 0.99

00:08:42.000 When you're, like, super shredded.

00:08:44.000 It just doesn't...

00:08:45.000 I don't even like when they have those man shoulders.

00:08:48.000 You know, where you see, like, a really beautiful girl and then she takes off her cardigan or whatever and you're like, oh, she has, like, her frame looks like a man.

00:08:54.000 That doesn't bother me.

00:08:55.000 That means she's durable.

00:08:57.000 Ha ha ha!

00:09:00.000 It bothers me when they get shredded.

00:09:02.000 I don't know why.

00:09:03.000 It seems like they're suffering.

00:09:05.000 It seems like a mistake.

00:09:07.000 You know what I mean?

00:09:08.000 I guess this is probably what it is.

00:09:11.000 I guess I connected to anorexics.

00:09:13.000 Because anorexics legitimately freak me out.

00:09:16.000 There was this one girl that I used to do yoga with. 0.99

00:09:19.000 And it was so sad, man.

00:09:21.000 It was so sad. 1.00

00:09:23.000 She would come in and everyone would be like, fuck! 1.00

00:09:26.000 She was like 80 pounds. 1.00

00:09:28.000 Her whole body was bones.

00:09:29.000 She was just bones.

00:09:31.000 Joaquin Phoenix and the Joker. 1.00

00:09:33.000 What the fuck did he do to get down to that? 0.99

00:09:34.000 He lost 50 pounds. 1.00

00:09:35.000 And his shoulder looked all fucked up, too. 0.98

00:09:37.000 Well, he was just posing in weird ways to... 0.98

00:09:40.000 I mean, he nailed that role, dude.

00:09:42.000 He really...

00:09:43.000 He hasn't seen it.

00:09:43.000 I didn't want to shoot too much.

00:09:44.000 No spoilers.

00:09:45.000 So you think I should go to the theater for this one?

00:09:49.000 No, you can watch it at home.

00:09:50.000 Okay.

00:09:50.000 I mean, when's it coming out at home?

00:09:51.000 You'd have to wait.

00:09:52.000 It just came out, so you just have to wait.

00:09:54.000 Oh, there's a new thing, apparently, where you can get home movies at home.

00:09:59.000 What?

00:10:00.000 Home movies at home.

00:10:00.000 Torrance.

00:10:01.000 You can get theater movies.

00:10:02.000 No, not even Torrance.

00:10:03.000 You can get it, like, legitimately, and you pay quite a bit of money.

00:10:07.000 Really?

00:10:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:08.000 There's some new thing.

00:10:10.000 Yeah, that should be a thing.

00:10:12.000 Like, you pay...

00:10:12.000 How many people would you normally go to a movie with?

00:10:15.000 Like, four people?

00:10:16.000 Each ticket's about 20 bucks nowadays.

00:10:18.000 Yeah.

00:10:18.000 Pay 60 bucks so you can rent it for 24 hours?

00:10:21.000 That would be the shit. 0.99

00:10:22.000 I wanted to do the opposite. 0.99

00:10:24.000 I was trying to look up to see how much it would cost to rent Interstellar, to have a screening at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood.

00:10:31.000 That was the coolest movie and sound I've ever seen, and I want people I know to experience that.

00:10:37.000 Oh, right, right, right. 0.73

00:10:38.000 Because it was fucking so awesome. 0.98

00:10:41.000 Do you look up how much it is? 0.93

00:10:42.000 You can do screenings there.

00:10:44.000 I think you'd have to figure out how much it costs to rent the print of the movie.

00:10:47.000 Yeah, it used to be 35mm prints when I was a projectionist.

00:10:51.000 People would rent, like, hey, we just rented Back to the Future for our company picnic. 0.98

00:10:55.000 And as a projectionist, you would get it in the mail with all the other films, and you're like, what the fuck? 0.87

00:11:00.000 Why is Back to the Future here? 0.83

00:11:01.000 I don't think it's that much.

00:11:02.000 I think it's only a couple hundred, actually.

00:11:03.000 Why don't we have a JRE movie night?

00:11:05.000 That'd be perfect.

00:11:06.000 We rent a movie theater. 1.00

00:11:07.000 That would be the shit. 1.00

00:11:09.000 Where would we go, though? 1.00

00:11:10.000 Big theaters?

00:11:11.000 I don't know.

00:11:11.000 You know where you want to go?

00:11:12.000 You want to go to one of them Cineopolis.

00:11:15.000 Cineopolis?

00:11:16.000 They have drinks?

00:11:17.000 Yeah, they have drinks and food and the seats lean back.

00:11:20.000 You get an assigned seat.

00:11:21.000 We could do those.

00:11:22.000 Yeah, we should find out.

00:11:23.000 We could want to watch those movies like that Roar movie with the tigers or the lion with the tigers. 1.00

00:11:27.000 Oh, some stupid movies? 1.00

00:11:29.000 Well, according to Joey Diaz, the new Rambo is Roadhouse times a million. 1.00

00:11:34.000 He goes, Joe Rogan, you gotta see this fucking movie. 0.99

00:11:37.000 I was crying laughing. 1.00

00:11:38.000 I was crying laughing.

00:11:40.000 He goes, it's Roadhouse times a million.

00:11:43.000 It seems like it. 0.98

00:11:44.000 It looks ridiculous. 1.00

00:11:45.000 Well, he's a thousand years old and he's fucking everybody up. 1.00

00:11:48.000 I also read it was low budget, though. 0.97

00:11:50.000 Like, really, like, what?

00:11:51.000 That's surprisingly low budget.

00:11:53.000 Maybe he's decided he's going to keep all his money.

00:11:56.000 When you're that age, how old is Stallone now?

00:12:00.000 Is he 77?

00:12:02.000 Let's guess.

00:12:03.000 How old?

00:12:04.000 74. Do you think he's older or younger than Arnold Schwarzenegger?

00:12:09.000 I think he's older.

00:12:11.000 How old is he, Jamie?

00:12:12.000 I want to say 72, but I'd go with a year older.

00:12:15.000 Let's try.

00:12:16.000 I'm saying 76. 74. 73. 73. Just turned 73 July 6th.

00:12:21.000 Okay.

00:12:22.000 So when you're 73, you got to feel like at the most, if everything goes amazing, you got 30 years. 0.99

00:12:31.000 And the last 10, you ain't going to remember shit. 0.98

00:12:33.000 So you got 20 years to burn through a big-ass pile of cash. 0.99

00:12:37.000 What are you going to do?

00:12:38.000 You going to spend it all on Rambo movies?

00:12:40.000 Yo! 1.00

00:12:41.000 There's a fucking dog over here! 1.00

00:12:44.000 What is that picture? 1.00

00:12:45.000 He's got a fake coyote on a golf course.

00:12:47.000 Why does he have a fake coyote on a golf course? 0.99

00:12:50.000 Is that to keep birds away or some shit? 0.99

00:12:53.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:12:53.000 Whatever. 0.99

00:12:53.000 To protect them. 0.99

00:12:54.000 Hey! 0.99

00:12:54.000 Don't come get me! 0.99

00:12:56.000 What is he doing?

00:12:57.000 Hey! 0.99

00:12:59.000 Playing around.

00:12:59.000 He's got some skinny legs, man.

00:13:01.000 Take that picture of his legs again.

00:13:04.000 That is crazy.

00:13:04.000 That makes me nervous that he can walk upstairs.

00:13:08.000 Why is his leg so skinny?

00:13:09.000 That looks like an injury or something.

00:13:11.000 Like his leg has shrunk.

00:13:13.000 Doesn't that look weird?

00:13:14.000 I mean, he doesn't even look like he has any body right there.

00:13:17.000 He's so jacked, though.

00:13:18.000 Apparently in that movie, he's super jacked.

00:13:20.000 He might have like knee and back problems, though.

00:13:22.000 When you got back problems, man, your legs shrink.

00:13:25.000 This was me when I was younger! 0.99

00:13:27.000 I was fucking jacked! 0.98

00:13:32.000 I know a dude who's got a severe back problem and one of his legs is like shriveled up because his nerves aren't firing correctly. 0.99

00:13:39.000 He went to Germany apparently and he got a bunch of discs replaced and it just didn't work well.

00:13:46.000 And he's just got all sorts of inflammation and scar tissue and his nerves are blocked off. 0.98

00:13:51.000 He had a bunch of fucked up discs. 0.82

00:13:54.000 So he went and he got a bunch of them replaced in one shot and stayed over there for a few months. 0.99

00:13:59.000 And now his body's just fucking up, like left and right. 0.99

00:14:03.000 When you get Rick, real back problems are fucking scary as shit. 0.99

00:14:07.000 I sent Dean Del Rey to Lifespan Medicine to deal with his neck. 0.99

00:14:12.000 Dean Del Rey's got a bulging disc so bad, he's like, Dude, I worry when people bump into me!

00:14:18.000 When people bump into him, he's in pain.

00:14:20.000 Oh yeah, I thought he had a stroke!

00:14:22.000 Yeah, like if you pass by him and accidentally bump into him a little bit, he's like, ah!

00:14:28.000 He gets a stinger.

00:14:30.000 From headbanging or?

00:14:32.000 No, from a motorcycle crash.

00:14:34.000 Some messed up lady nailed him on his bike. 1.00

00:14:35.000 Oh, like left over from a few years ago. 0.98

00:14:37.000 Yeah, he got fucked up pretty bad and it's not getting any better. 0.98

00:14:40.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:14:41.000 It was so weird because he's like, I quit riding bikes after that.

00:14:45.000 But then he got a bike like six months later. 0.99

00:14:46.000 I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? 1.00

00:14:48.000 You almost died. 1.00

00:14:50.000 Well, I think for Dean, he's trying to make some...

00:14:52.000 He bought a nice car, like a Porsche.

00:14:54.000 He had a great deal on it.

00:14:55.000 And then he flipped it.

00:14:57.000 I mean, not flipped it, like died in a crash.

00:15:00.000 Like Kevin Hart style.

00:15:01.000 He just turned it over and made some money off of it.

00:15:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:15:06.000 And so I think that's when he bought a bike.

00:15:08.000 But yeah, I guess people who love bikes, man, they think it's worth a risk. 1.00

00:15:14.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:15:15.000 Out here, I can't believe that there's not more of those scooter deaths everywhere. 1.00

00:15:19.000 I know, right?

00:15:20.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:15:20.000 Dude, those things are goddamn fast. 0.98

00:15:22.000 When we were in Denver, they're everywhere. 0.95

00:15:24.000 And everybody's riding those electric scooters all over the place.

00:15:27.000 You know, like, is that really how you want to go out?

00:15:29.000 You didn't try mine yet, did you?

00:15:31.000 No, is it fast?

00:15:32.000 24 miles an hour?

00:15:33.000 Dude, yours looks pretty good.

00:15:34.000 It's way faster than those bird scooters. 1.00

00:15:36.000 Do you trust that shit? 1.00

00:15:37.000 I don't trust that shit anymore. 1.00

00:15:38.000 I flipped over my bike a couple years ago and I'm like, that's a message. 1.00

00:15:44.000 I know too many people that are broken.

00:15:46.000 My friend broke both of his arms on one of those scooters.

00:15:48.000 He flipped and he landed on his arms.

00:15:50.000 Both of his arms.

00:15:51.000 And he had to have his mom live with him for like a couple months because he couldn't do anything.

00:15:56.000 When I was doing Zookeeper with Kevin James, I did a lot of my own bike riding and I fucking wiped out hard because I didn't realize that if we were in this scene where he was beside me and I was trying to hit him with a flag and he was beside me on his bike and I was holding on to the handlebars with my left hand which is your front wheel.

00:16:19.000 So when I hit the brakes on my left hand, I just went flying over the top of the handlebars.

00:16:23.000 I didn't do it just once either. 0.95

00:16:25.000 I fucking wiped out pretty hard. 0.98

00:16:27.000 Like, here, watch. 0.99

00:16:28.000 It shows it in slow-mo, right?

00:16:29.000 DVD extra, right here.

00:16:31.000 Hey, watch.

00:16:31.000 Ba-boom!

00:16:32.000 Yeah.

00:16:33.000 That's a pretty good wipeout.

00:16:35.000 Yeah, that's exactly what I did on my bike.

00:16:37.000 I flipped over, like, exactly like that.

00:16:39.000 But I got lucky.

00:16:41.000 Didn't get hurt.

00:16:43.000 But it's just luck. 1.00

00:16:44.000 You land on your arm wrong, your elbow goes backwards, and then you're fucked. 0.99

00:16:48.000 That was just you grabbing the wrong brake, right? 0.99

00:16:51.000 Yeah.

00:16:51.000 I just went over the handlebars.

00:16:54.000 But bikes, you could get fucked up. 0.98

00:16:57.000 When I was in Utah recently, we were driving down the road And we saw this lady fall on her bike. 0.98

00:17:04.000 She was across the street on the other side, and she was trying to do something.

00:17:09.000 And she just got tangled up in her pedal and just dumped over and landed on one arm, tried to post on her left arm and snapped her arm. 1.00

00:17:18.000 And then she couldn't get up.

00:17:19.000 She was screaming, so we went over and pulled over.

00:17:22.000 And...

00:17:24.000 People don't know how to deal with injuries.

00:17:27.000 So people are like, okay, let's take your backpack off.

00:17:29.000 I go, don't touch her.

00:17:30.000 I go, she has a broken arm. 0.99

00:17:32.000 Listen to me.

00:17:33.000 Don't touch her.

00:17:34.000 And I'm like, listen, we're going to get you a hospital.

00:17:37.000 We're going to get you an ambulance.

00:17:38.000 And it was lucky that she was like a block away from the police station.

00:17:42.000 But people want to do things.

00:17:44.000 They want to like, okay, let's take her arm and put it in a splint. 1.00

00:17:48.000 Let's tape it up.

00:17:49.000 No, no, no. 1.00

00:17:50.000 Don't do shit. 1.00

00:17:51.000 Don't do shit. 1.00

00:17:51.000 Neck injuries also? 1.00

00:17:53.000 Like car accidents?

00:17:54.000 People are not even...

00:17:55.000 Well, Kevin Hart's accident, they pulled him out of the car, and then they took him to his house.

00:18:01.000 And he had three broken vertebrae.

00:18:04.000 Yeah, don't do that.

00:18:06.000 Don't touch anybody.

00:18:07.000 You can just yank someone the wrong way after an injury and make them way, way worse.

00:18:14.000 This lady's arm was so obviously broken. 1.00

00:18:16.000 The cops didn't even notice it.

00:18:17.000 The cops came over...

00:18:18.000 And they're like, oh, so how's everything right now?

00:18:21.000 Are you feeling okay?

00:18:22.000 Anything wrong?

00:18:22.000 I go, she's got a broken arm.

00:18:24.000 He's like, where's the arm broken?

00:18:25.000 I go, look at her left arm. 0.54

00:18:26.000 He's like, oh. 0.99

00:18:27.000 Like, look, her fucking left arm was so broken. 0.99

00:18:31.000 It's like, when you see someone's broken bones, and unfortunately, I'm really used to it. 0.99

00:18:37.000 I see so many injuries from fights, you know, from the UFC. I'm so used to seeing breaks and things broken.

00:18:43.000 I just looked at her and I'm like, yep, that's what that is.

00:18:46.000 Her elbow was like, her arm went straight and her elbow went back. 1.00

00:18:50.000 I'm like, we're not moving.

00:18:51.000 Don't take her backpack off.

00:18:53.000 But she started hyperventilating.

00:18:57.000 She had never broken anything.

00:18:58.000 She was 50. She's like, I've never broken a bone before.

00:19:00.000 I'm like, it's not a bad one.

00:19:01.000 It's just an arm.

00:19:02.000 You're going to be alright.

00:19:04.000 Put it in the cast.

00:19:05.000 Six weeks from now, you're going to be laughing at this.

00:19:07.000 People sign your cast.

00:19:08.000 You'll have a funny story.

00:19:10.000 It's just a broken arm.

00:19:12.000 Have you ever broken an arm, Jamie?

00:19:14.000 Knock on wood, I have not broken a bone.

00:19:16.000 No bones?

00:19:17.000 Nothing.

00:19:17.000 What about you?

00:19:18.000 Same here.

00:19:19.000 We got that Ohio water.

00:19:20.000 Good dairy.

00:19:22.000 Yeah, not dairy.

00:19:23.000 That's what it is.

00:19:24.000 Ohio dairy.

00:19:25.000 That and no contact sports.

00:19:29.000 Big football state, Camacho.

00:19:31.000 Did you play football?

00:19:32.000 Yeah.

00:19:32.000 Not in high school, but up to high school.

00:19:35.000 Up to high school?

00:19:35.000 Yeah.

00:19:36.000 Well, when you're a little kid, it seems like you can just get fucking plowed over and you bend and bounce back up. 0.89

00:19:40.000 Yeah, they throw you into each other. 0.96

00:19:41.000 The dads will just grab you and just smack you into each other.

00:19:44.000 But kids are so light.

00:19:46.000 They're so light and they just bounce off each other.

00:19:48.000 When we talk about bikes...

00:19:50.000 Have you seen this before?

00:19:51.000 I'm going to play this video, but... 1.00

00:19:52.000 Fuck this, yes. 1.00

00:19:53.000 What is this? 1.00

00:19:54.000 It's called the, like, Mountain of Hell.

00:19:56.000 There's another name for it, too.

00:19:57.000 I can't remember.

00:19:57.000 Like, Mountainocalypse or something like that.

00:19:59.000 They start in France on the top of the Alps.

00:20:02.000 2,000 bikers.

00:20:04.000 Is that snow?

00:20:05.000 Yeah, it's on the top of a glacier.

00:20:06.000 You end up going, like, 5,000 feet downhill.

00:20:09.000 It's like a mile or two down.

00:20:11.000 And you're riding on ice?

00:20:12.000 Yeah, these are the guys in front, but here in a second when they have to turn... 0.94

00:20:16.000 It creates this fucking insane pileup of people that you can't avoid.

00:20:23.000 So you have to be in front. 0.99

00:20:24.000 Oh my god.

00:20:26.000 It'll happen here in a second.

00:20:27.000 Here's the first one, and then it just causes a major pileup.

00:20:31.000 Bing! 0.98

00:20:32.000 Bang! 1.00

00:20:33.000 Boom! 0.99

00:20:34.000 And then dudes are trying to dive out of the way.

00:20:36.000 Yeah.

00:20:37.000 And you're just going downhill.

00:20:38.000 It's like on a ski slope, but everyone's on mountain bikes, for those that are listening.

00:20:41.000 Oh! 0.60

00:20:42.000 Now, oh!

00:20:43.000 It's like ants.

00:20:45.000 And then dudes are braking early to try to avoid it, and they're just wiping out at the top.

00:20:49.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:20:51.000 What a stupid thing to do. 1.00

00:20:53.000 When you know that that many people are going to crash, look at this guy on the outside, trying to go, fell on his own. 1.00

00:20:58.000 Some guys haven't made it down there yet.

00:20:59.000 They're still at the top.

00:21:00.000 Yeah, and they're going to try to figure out a path.

00:21:03.000 But you can't really hit the brakes, right?

00:21:05.000 You're on ice.

00:21:05.000 You're going downhill on ice.

00:21:06.000 So I don't know how that works. 1.00

00:21:08.000 This is so dumb. 0.99

00:21:09.000 Look at that. 1.00

00:21:10.000 Boom! 0.99

00:21:11.000 But if you make it out of there, you're safe.

00:21:13.000 And you get to win.

00:21:14.000 What do you win?

00:21:15.000 There might be some money at the end.

00:21:17.000 I don't know.

00:21:17.000 It's like doing Sober October.

00:21:19.000 For you and croissant.

00:21:21.000 You get a croissant.

00:21:22.000 Yeah, it's just like Sober October. 1.00

00:21:24.000 It's just stupid. 1.00

00:21:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:25.000 With the best thing, I really believe the best thing about Sober October is it inspires people that actually do have a problem. 1.00

00:21:31.000 Burt Kreischer.

00:21:32.000 Inspires people to...

00:21:33.000 Burt Kreischer?

00:21:34.000 Here's a crazy thing that Burt Kreischer told me.

00:21:36.000 Because you know Ari Shaffir and him had a little bit of an incident with some MDMA. I don't know if you know about that.

00:21:41.000 Bert said that ever since taking that MDMA, he has zero desire to drink.

00:21:46.000 He said it really cleaned it out and that he heard that when you take ecstasy, that ecstasy kills your desire to drink.

00:21:53.000 That it does something to you that makes drinking seem really silly.

00:21:56.000 And he said he's super focused.

00:21:57.000 It probably was actually, honestly, a really good thing for him if he hadn't done it in a while because there is positives for doing it.

00:22:04.000 I mean, circumstances were not the best.

00:22:06.000 The circumstances were the worst.

00:22:08.000 At home with his kids, Ari dosing them.

00:22:10.000 But he said that he feels amazing and that he really does feel focused and clear.

00:22:17.000 That's great.

00:22:18.000 If Ari would have done it to me, I wouldn't have cared as much. 1.00

00:22:22.000 Yeah, but your body's like a fucking petri dish. 1.00

00:22:25.000 I know. 1.00

00:22:25.000 I was wondering, because I did his podcast the day before. 1.00

00:22:28.000 You wonder if he's going to dope you?

00:22:30.000 I know.

00:22:30.000 I was wondering if he did, and then it was like, oh, that didn't work, because we ended up podcasting.

00:22:35.000 You were hoping.

00:22:36.000 Red man's sitting around hoping he's getting drugged.

00:22:39.000 But it was a four-hour podcast, and I'm like, did I? Because we did smoke a lot of weed, but I'm like, did I? Maybe I was dope.

00:22:45.000 Nah.

00:22:46.000 Nah.

00:22:47.000 Well, I remember I gave Chris McGuire some weed, and he was sure that it was laced with something.

00:22:52.000 Yeah.

00:22:52.000 You know, he was just like, this is not regular weed.

00:22:54.000 There's something in this.

00:22:56.000 He was, like, really paranoid that there was something in it, you know?

00:23:00.000 If you're not used to this California weed, and you don't smoke a lot, and then you're like, oh, all right, I'll have a couple.

00:23:07.000 Come on, guys!

00:23:08.000 You know, and you get peer pressured into it.

00:23:11.000 Yeah. 0.89

00:23:11.000 Well, I had something the other day that fucked me up. 0.89

00:23:13.000 It was because they don't tell you, especially when you're at the comedy store and everyone's just passing joints and stuff.

00:23:18.000 This one person was one of those weed fanatics where he had put Keefe on it and whatever oil, THC oil, like it had like three things on it. 1.00

00:23:26.000 Those guys can fuck off. 1.00

00:23:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:27.000 Those guys, they give you these joints and it looks golden when you open it up. 1.00

00:23:32.000 It's just got so much keef and all the oils and the hash oil. 0.98

00:23:38.000 That's ridiculous. 0.65

00:23:39.000 Why do you want to get that high? 0.99

00:23:41.000 What is wrong with them?

00:23:42.000 Their tolerance, I guess.

00:23:45.000 You know, like, I can't...

00:23:46.000 I don't understand it, because I could take two hits with the shittiest joint and be like, you know what?

00:23:49.000 That was great. 0.58

00:23:49.000 I'm fine. 0.58

00:23:50.000 If you ever do Be Real Smokebox, be very careful.

00:23:53.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:54.000 I've been asked to...

00:23:55.000 Please be careful.

00:23:57.000 Because you've got to drive home after that, and you don't even know where you are.

00:24:00.000 If it wasn't for navigation systems, I'd still be living in downtown LA. I would have never figured out how to get home.

00:24:05.000 That's what the Tesla comes in for.

00:24:07.000 Let it drive for you.

00:24:09.000 Yeah.

00:24:10.000 It's like...

00:24:11.000 These guys just smoke all day, every day.

00:24:14.000 And to them, that's their baseline.

00:24:16.000 Like, their normal is just being super-duper high.

00:24:19.000 So they're used to it.

00:24:20.000 Like, we got so high before we even got into the car.

00:24:24.000 You know, and then you get into the car with the cameras in it.

00:24:27.000 And they do, like, this podcast.

00:24:29.000 And you're like, it's surreal.

00:24:30.000 It's like an out-of-body experience.

00:24:32.000 Yeah.

00:24:33.000 And you feel really paranoid and really worked up.

00:24:36.000 Like, ugh.

00:24:37.000 Yeah, no thanks. 1.00

00:24:38.000 I don't like that shit. 1.00

00:24:39.000 I don't like that. 1.00

00:24:40.000 Why even bother doing that?

00:24:42.000 No one likes that.

00:24:43.000 They do.

00:24:44.000 How do you like that?

00:24:45.000 Obviously somebody likes that.

00:24:46.000 How?

00:24:47.000 There's people that like that.

00:24:48.000 Yeah.

00:24:49.000 They put the leaf blowers full of weed and just blow it on each other.

00:24:52.000 There's tons of videos of that going on.

00:24:53.000 Those high times conventions and cannabis cups.

00:24:57.000 They take a leaf blower and they pump a bong up.

00:24:59.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:24:59.000 It's ridiculous. 0.98

00:25:02.000 I mean, but this is like, these are the arguments for weed being illegal. 1.00

00:25:06.000 It's like, look at these idiots. 1.00

00:25:08.000 It's also butt chugging. 1.00

00:25:10.000 Butt chugging.

00:25:10.000 Butt chugging, so.

00:25:11.000 But the thing is like, it's weird.

00:25:14.000 It's like, we have this line of personal responsibility, right?

00:25:17.000 You can go to any bar, and they don't check to see if you've already been drinking.

00:25:22.000 They don't know what your tolerance is.

00:25:24.000 They don't know anything.

00:25:24.000 You get any bar, you give me two shots of Jack Daniels and Grey Goose on the rocks.

00:25:29.000 They just give it to you.

00:25:31.000 Bang! 1.00

00:25:32.000 Nobody cares.

00:25:33.000 They just think you can figure it out.

00:25:35.000 How much of a responsibility does a bartender actually have? 0.95

00:25:38.000 A lot.

00:25:39.000 Do they?

00:25:39.000 Yeah.

00:25:39.000 They can go to jail, too.

00:25:41.000 The bartender can.

00:25:42.000 If they don't stop you.

00:25:42.000 Depending on the state, I think, yeah.

00:25:44.000 That, to me, is so ridiculous. 0.81

00:25:46.000 I don't think the bar... 0.97

00:25:47.000 I think...

00:25:48.000 If you get over served and they can prove it, you're just as responsible if he drives home drunk and kills somebody.

00:25:55.000 Well, if you know someone's going to drive, the problem is, I was talking about this on stage once, that the real problem with drunk driving is not that people can't drive when they're drunk.

00:26:06.000 The problem when you're drinking is you don't know...

00:26:09.000 If you can drive or not.

00:26:10.000 You don't know how drunk you are because you're drunk.

00:26:13.000 You might have three drinks and you might fail a drunk driving breathalyzer, but you might be able to drive perfectly.

00:26:22.000 But if you have four drinks or five drinks, you might think it's okay to have six or seven.

00:26:27.000 You don't know where you are.

00:26:29.000 You don't know where you are on the spectrum of drunk or not drunk when you're really drunk.

00:26:34.000 That's part of being drunk. 0.99

00:26:35.000 You don't know what the fuck's going on. 0.98

00:26:37.000 That's why the consent issue when you're really drunk is weird. 0.99

00:26:43.000 Some people like to get drunk and have sex, and then some people say, well, you should never have sex with someone when they're drunk because they can't consent because they're drunk.

00:26:53.000 Okay, but then that's like 90% of all people having sex. 0.68

00:26:57.000 How many people have sex while they're drunk? 0.83

00:27:00.000 I only have sex when I'm drunk. 0.87

00:27:03.000 I have to be drunk. 0.71

00:27:05.000 I'm dealing with a bunch of stuff.

00:27:10.000 Deal with a bunch of stuff.

00:27:12.000 Yeah.

00:27:13.000 Well, I think autonomous cars, that's going to be very interesting, how they deal with alcohol in autonomous cars.

00:27:22.000 Because if you have a drunk mode, say if you have a Tesla in 2026, and it has the option to be completely autonomous, it drives on its own, or you can go manual.

00:27:37.000 So it detects that you're drunk.

00:27:39.000 It says, Mr. Redman, you are intoxicated.

00:27:42.000 We would like to drive.

00:27:44.000 And then you have to let it take you.

00:27:46.000 Do you think there's going to be a coming point in time where drunk driving doesn't apply because your car is going to drive you home?

00:27:54.000 It makes the final decision for you.

00:27:56.000 I'm all for it.

00:27:58.000 It wouldn't be hard to have a breathalyzer on a car.

00:28:01.000 They do that now.

00:28:02.000 Yeah, I have a friend who, he got arrested for a DUI, like more than one, and he had to blow into his thing on his work van.

00:28:12.000 He had to blow into his little thing before it would let him start the car.

00:28:15.000 This is another demolition man coming full circle again, because there's that scene where he gets in and he makes the car, he's like, give me control. 0.99

00:28:23.000 And she's like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:28:24.000 You're gonna drive? 1.00

00:28:25.000 He's like, yeah, manual control, give me that shit, and he chases after it. 0.99

00:28:29.000 What year was Demolition Man supposed to be in? 0.99

00:28:31.000 Now, I think.

00:28:32.000 I'll double check.

00:28:34.000 I might need to watch that again.

00:28:38.000 They're doing that THC breathalyzer next year.

00:28:42.000 What are they going to find out?

00:28:43.000 Supposedly it detects if there's THC, like if you have smoked in the last, whatever, three hours.

00:28:49.000 The problem with that is, there's, I don't, They've done studies that show that people drive well when they're high.

00:28:59.000 You know, they have done studies.

00:29:01.000 There's been these tests, and they're not, you know, it's not randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled studies, but they have done some studies when they show that people drive well high.

00:29:13.000 I know they have.

00:29:14.000 Look at me!

00:29:16.000 2032 is when I take it.

00:29:17.000 2032 is not far away!

00:29:19.000 That's actually pretty close.

00:29:20.000 He gets frozen for 36 years and wakes up in 2032. Oh, wow.

00:29:24.000 Isn't that funny?

00:29:25.000 What they used to think is going to be going on.

00:29:29.000 You know, like, yeah, in 2000, they'll just be able to freeze you.

00:29:33.000 Wasn't that Back to the Future that was like 2017 or something like that?

00:29:36.000 Back to the Future 2?

00:29:37.000 Yeah.

00:29:37.000 And then you look at it, you're like, that's...

00:29:39.000 Yeah, when they came back.

00:29:41.000 Yeah, the second one, Back to the Future 2. Yeah.

00:29:45.000 I don't know.

00:29:45.000 Nobody ever gets it right.

00:29:47.000 They get a couple things right, but everybody thinks we're going to be way more advanced than we are.

00:29:52.000 Remember Space 1999?

00:29:54.000 Do you remember that?

00:29:55.000 1999?

00:29:55.000 What's that?

00:29:56.000 That was a TV show.

00:29:57.000 They thought that 1999, we were just going to be flying around in spaceships and living on the moon.

00:30:03.000 They're always wrong.

00:30:04.000 What year was the Jetson supposed to be?

00:30:06.000 Way off.

00:30:07.000 That's a good question.

00:30:08.000 That was like 1950. What year was that supposed to be?

00:30:13.000 Yeah, the Jetsons, they had flying cars.

00:30:16.000 But, see, the problem with three dimensions is you've got to keep people locked into grids.

00:30:21.000 Because that way, you can keep them from just going up or down or left or right randomly like birds and slamming into each other.

00:30:27.000 That's probably how it's going to be, though.

00:30:29.000 It's probably going to be automated.

00:30:30.000 You can only do it with the Tesla driving.

00:30:33.000 Right, right.

00:30:34.000 If it goes flying, you mean?

00:30:36.000 Mm-hmm.

00:30:36.000 Do you think they'll have that?

00:30:37.000 Yeah, because they would have to stay in a grid.

00:30:39.000 There would have to be some kind of traffic to that grid.

00:30:42.000 People can't be flying all over, like you say, all over the place.

00:30:46.000 So they'll have to have lanes in the sky.

00:30:48.000 But by that time, we're probably not going to have any control of it.

00:30:52.000 It's probably all going to be...

00:30:53.000 Probably, right?

00:30:54.000 Yeah.

00:30:55.000 Well, that's why helicopters are so weird.

00:30:57.000 Because helicopters, if you get a pilot's flight...

00:30:59.000 When I went up with Burr, I was surprised at how much freedom you have.

00:31:04.000 We were flying around downtown LA. It was like, let's go here.

00:31:07.000 Take a left in the sky.

00:31:09.000 Go right.

00:31:09.000 Go down.

00:31:10.000 Go up.

00:31:11.000 Go around here.

00:31:12.000 We were really close to buildings.

00:31:14.000 And you'd be amazed at how many buildings in downtown LA have helicopter pads on the roof. 0.91

00:31:19.000 And so you land on the roof, you get out, you open a door, you go downstairs, you avoid all the bullshit. 0.87

00:31:25.000 Apparently that's the move in New York City. 0.93

00:31:28.000 Tommy Bunz was saying that, right?

00:31:30.000 I think it's called, yeah.

00:31:31.000 That's what it's called?

00:31:32.000 Uber has helicopter now.

00:31:34.000 In New York City.

00:31:35.000 Uber helicopter. 1.00

00:31:36.000 Can you imagine some chatty Uber driver that's flying a fucking helicopter and won't shut up? 0.99

00:31:42.000 That's what Kobe Bryant did when he first got his first big contract. 0.99

00:31:45.000 I heard he moved down to Orange County and would just fly a helicopter every day to practice downtown.

00:31:50.000 Imagine flying a helicopter to a store.

00:31:53.000 It'd be sick.

00:31:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:31:54.000 If you just go Super Bowl or Kevin Hart style, put a fucking helicopter pad on the roof of the store. 0.99

00:32:00.000 I do one on the high, right? 0.99

00:32:01.000 No?

00:32:02.000 Oh no, they have a rooftop bar up there.

00:32:04.000 Yeah.

00:32:05.000 I mean, the next door?

00:32:07.000 When was the last time it was the Hyatt?

00:32:09.000 You weren't even living here.

00:32:10.000 Yeah, it wasn't that long ago.

00:32:12.000 Yeah, it's been a while.

00:32:13.000 I stayed there when it was the Hyatt.

00:32:15.000 Really?

00:32:16.000 Yeah.

00:32:16.000 But it might have been 10 years ago before I actually lived here.

00:32:19.000 Yeah, that's probably what it was.

00:32:20.000 Yeah, it seems like it's been...

00:32:21.000 What was it when that dude jumped off of it?

00:32:24.000 That was a long time.

00:32:25.000 That was way before our time.

00:32:27.000 Well, it was the 70s, I think, because it was during the strike when people didn't get paid.

00:32:33.000 To do comedy at the store.

00:32:35.000 And the guy who jumped off, they said he wasn't even good. 0.95

00:32:38.000 It's like one of those guys that's like, I'm going to fucking do this for everybody. 0.87

00:32:43.000 And everybody's like, hey man, you're not even really working. 0.95

00:32:46.000 You know what I mean?

00:32:48.000 There's always those guys.

00:32:49.000 That's one of the weird things about the store.

00:32:53.000 There's comics that are hanging around there that are all working.

00:32:56.000 And then there's a few people that will never work.

00:33:00.000 And you know they'll never work.

00:33:02.000 And they know they'll never work.

00:33:04.000 But they're kind of comics because they've done it a few times.

00:33:07.000 Right.

00:33:08.000 They're more just there for the bar.

00:33:09.000 They're there for the hang.

00:33:10.000 The hang.

00:33:11.000 Yeah.

00:33:12.000 But it gets weird, right?

00:33:14.000 All of a sudden, they're in your conversation.

00:33:16.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people like that.

00:33:18.000 But luckily, lately, there hasn't been as many, I don't think.

00:33:22.000 Because I think they've been kind of getting called out more by other comics.

00:33:26.000 Wow, this kid's weird.

00:33:28.000 Can you imagine if that was the case with other occupations?

00:33:33.000 CEOs of corporations would hang out with people who want to be CEOs, but they never really started a business, and they're all just hanging out together.

00:33:39.000 Yeah.

00:33:41.000 It's one of the weird things about art. 0.87

00:33:44.000 Anybody can create it and no one's to say that someone who sucks can't just figure it out.

00:33:52.000 There's nothing stopping you from figuring it out.

00:33:55.000 But something is.

00:33:56.000 Something keeps you from figuring it out, but you don't know what it is.

00:34:01.000 How many comics do you know that used to suck and that became good?

00:34:05.000 I know a few. 0.92

00:34:06.000 I know quite a few.

00:34:08.000 I know some of them.

00:34:10.000 Some of them who struggled early in the day and you're like, wow, I don't know about this guy.

00:34:15.000 I hope he makes it.

00:34:16.000 And then, look, Sebastian had a hard time.

00:34:18.000 Sebastian used to have a hard time.

00:34:20.000 Now he's one of the biggest comics on the planet Earth. 0.99

00:34:22.000 He's fucking huge. 0.90

00:34:24.000 My friend Mark Delegrate sent me a picture of Sebastian on stage. 0.99

00:34:27.000 At Boston Garden.

00:34:29.000 In the round.

00:34:30.000 18,000 people.

00:34:31.000 And I'm like, look at him!

00:34:32.000 Look at him!

00:34:34.000 I remember when he was first starting out.

00:34:37.000 He's like a great success story.

00:34:39.000 He really is.

00:34:40.000 Because he was a waiter at the Four Seasons.

00:34:42.000 He was waiting tables.

00:34:44.000 And also doing stand-up at night.

00:34:46.000 You see him...

00:34:47.000 He makes me laugh. 0.99

00:34:50.000 He's fucking hilarious. 0.90

00:34:51.000 You see him at the MTV Music Awards this year? 0.97

00:34:54.000 Yeah, that was a mistake.

00:34:56.000 I could have told him that was a mistake before he did it, though.

00:34:57.000 But it's still funny, like, he's coming out to, like, he's like, hey, these, you know...

00:35:02.000 I don't know.

00:35:02.000 That's like a bad hire.

00:35:06.000 It doesn't make sense.

00:35:07.000 Nobody wants to do it. 0.98

00:35:08.000 Who the fuck wants to do it? 0.98

00:35:09.000 Jesselnik's not going to do it. 0.99

00:35:10.000 Who the fuck's going to do it? 0.97

00:35:12.000 Who are you going to get to do it? 0.99

00:35:13.000 Jeff Ross?

00:35:13.000 Would he do it?

00:35:14.000 Yeah, he'd definitely do it.

00:35:16.000 He'd probably do it.

00:35:16.000 I mean, you could probably get some comics to do it.

00:35:18.000 Jeff could probably pull it off.

00:35:20.000 That's like his kind of gig. 1.00

00:35:22.000 Fucking around, talking shit, writing jokes about it. 1.00

00:35:25.000 But Sebastian is like... 1.00

00:35:27.000 He's Sebastian.

00:35:28.000 That's his thing.

00:35:29.000 His thing is being Sebastian.

00:35:31.000 Kind of old school, you know?

00:35:33.000 That's his joke.

00:35:34.000 Like, these phones!

00:35:35.000 You know, whatever.

00:35:37.000 But you don't want to see him host something.

00:35:40.000 You want to see him do an hour set.

00:35:42.000 You want to see him do his set. 0.99

00:35:44.000 You don't want to see him host some fucking malarkey award show. 0.98

00:35:48.000 A bunch of music that you know he doesn't listen to. 1.00

00:35:50.000 He's probably listening to The Temptations every night and shit. 0.98

00:35:53.000 You know? 0.99

00:35:54.000 Who does he listen to?

00:35:55.000 Probably goes to bed to Frank Sinatra.

00:35:57.000 Springsteen, dude.

00:35:58.000 What are you talking about?

00:35:58.000 I did it my way.

00:36:02.000 On repeat.

00:36:03.000 Yeah, he probably plays it over and over again.

00:36:05.000 Yeah.

00:36:06.000 The summer winds came blowing in.

00:36:10.000 Did you see the Phil Hartman documentary?

00:36:12.000 No.

00:36:12.000 That was interesting.

00:36:13.000 I didn't know a lot of it.

00:36:16.000 You're in it a little bit.

00:36:18.000 I didn't know a lot of things.

00:36:19.000 One thing I didn't know is how they gave you...

00:36:43.000 That was one of the weirdest moments of my life.

00:36:48.000 You know getting phone calls that that he's dead the phone just kept ringing people just kept calling and friends and loved ones and family members and It was just it didn't seem real like who would kill that guy?

00:37:02.000 He was the nicest guy.

00:37:05.000 I wish you had met him He was so cool like fucking everybody liked that guy And he used to like to get high and go to strip clubs Yeah He used to like to get high and go to strip clubs, 0.89

00:37:20.000 get high and ride around in his boat. 0.97

00:37:22.000 I went to a strip club with him.

00:37:24.000 Do you remember which one?

00:37:26.000 I think it was Bob's Classy Lady. 0.90

00:37:28.000 I think that's what it was called.

00:37:29.000 I don't think it's around anymore.

00:37:31.000 But he had an appreciation for these young ladies that was like... 1.00

00:37:39.000 It was almost childlike.

00:37:43.000 But it wasn't creepy.

00:37:44.000 He was like, God, you're beautiful.

00:37:46.000 Because he was high.

00:37:48.000 He was like, you look amazing.

00:37:50.000 This is incredible.

00:37:51.000 He was having a good time.

00:37:54.000 He was a really, really unique character.

00:37:57.000 I remember there was a guy who was...

00:37:59.000 Some guy was blackmailing him.

00:38:02.000 And some guy had filmed him at a strip club with his wife.

00:38:08.000 And his wife was getting a lap dance.

00:38:11.000 And he was getting a lamp dance too.

00:38:13.000 And the guy was like, he wrote some really creepy letters saying that this was going to violate the policies.

00:38:18.000 Because, you know, Phil had had endorsements and commercial deals and he was doing movies and stuff like that.

00:38:23.000 He was just blowing up.

00:38:24.000 Got a Ferrari.

00:38:25.000 You know, he was blowing up.

00:38:26.000 And this guy had went to his house and nailed this VHS tape in an envelope to his garage door.

00:38:38.000 And I was with him on a phone call.

00:38:41.000 So Phil's like, I'm going to talk to him right now.

00:38:43.000 Come in my room.

00:38:44.000 So I went in his dressing room.

00:38:46.000 And the guy calls me and goes, Hey!

00:38:48.000 What's going on, buddy?

00:38:49.000 He was talking to the guy like the guy was his friend.

00:38:52.000 And they were setting the guy up.

00:38:54.000 And Phil was going to give him, I forget what the money was, tens of thousands of dollars.

00:38:59.000 Meet me at this place and I'll meet you there.

00:39:01.000 And he had these...

00:39:06.000 For lack of a better term, he had someone who's a dangerous person meet this guy and let him know in no uncertain terms that his life was going to take a terrible turn for the worst if he continued down this path.

00:39:22.000 But it was...

00:39:23.000 It was weird to see, like, someone trying to exploit him. 0.99

00:39:27.000 And the guy was so dumb, he actually met with Phil. 0.98

00:39:29.000 Like, Phil knew who the guy was. 1.00

00:39:31.000 Like, he saw his face, you know, he was there with the guy.

00:39:34.000 And the guy was like, look, you know, I just need some money.

00:39:37.000 And Phil's like, look, I get it, it's no big deal, you know?

00:39:41.000 It's just...

00:39:42.000 It's weird when you see someone trying to prey on...

00:39:45.000 They think that's their way out.

00:39:47.000 Like, this is my way out.

00:39:48.000 I'm just going to get this guy to give me some money, and I'm going to put it all together.

00:39:51.000 You get it, Phil.

00:39:52.000 I mean, I just need some money.

00:39:54.000 He's like, I get it, buddy.

00:39:55.000 No big deal.

00:39:56.000 He was just playing this guy along until the dangerous men came and talked to him.

00:40:03.000 Wow.

00:40:03.000 They also...

00:40:04.000 Really focused a lot on the wife, which I didn't really know much about, about how she wanted to be an actress also.

00:40:09.000 And like she was trying to get Phil to like put her into shows and do that, you know, stuff like that.

00:40:16.000 She was very resentful of him.

00:40:18.000 Yeah.

00:40:19.000 She would insult him.

00:40:20.000 Like insult him publicly.

00:40:22.000 Like, uh, it was just really gross.

00:40:24.000 It was sad.

00:40:27.000 But he didn't think he should get divorced because he felt like it was bad for his image.

00:40:31.000 He was, like, really concerned about his image because he was, like, this squeaky clean family guy who was, you know, I mean, it was really starting to take off for him.

00:40:40.000 See, Phil didn't really make it until he was older in life.

00:40:44.000 Like, I don't think he got on Saturday Night Live until he was in his, like, late 30s.

00:40:49.000 Might have been older than that.

00:40:51.000 And when he was on news radio, I think he was, like, 46. Yeah.

00:40:55.000 Yeah, so he was like, he had worked as a graphic artist, you know, he, that, did you see that album cover that's out there, Pinned to the Wall?

00:41:05.000 Yeah.

00:41:05.000 That's him.

00:41:06.000 Yeah.

00:41:06.000 He drew that.

00:41:07.000 Yeah, he's drawn a few amazing things.

00:41:09.000 I was very surprised about that.

00:41:11.000 He's a super versatile guy.

00:41:13.000 He could do a lot of different things.

00:41:15.000 And his work ethic was amazing.

00:41:18.000 Like, he would have a binder.

00:41:20.000 And his scenes, he would have different color tabs for each scene.

00:41:25.000 And he would go over his notes and go over his lines.

00:41:29.000 Like, I'd never seen anybody do it before.

00:41:30.000 Like, none of us did.

00:41:31.000 None of the rest of us did.

00:41:33.000 Like, the only one who's like him, like, Stephen Root was even more different than him.

00:41:37.000 Because Stephen Root was a character.

00:41:39.000 Like, he played Jimmy James.

00:41:41.000 And he, in real life, is like the sweetest, most normal guy.

00:41:46.000 But when he was playing that character, like, he would become this Jimmy James guy.

00:41:51.000 And you'd be like, oh!

00:41:52.000 It was spooky.

00:41:53.000 Like, you've seen him in a million, like, what is the movie?

00:41:55.000 Milton.

00:41:56.000 Yeah.

00:41:57.000 Stapler.

00:41:57.000 Yeah.

00:41:58.000 What is that movie?

00:41:59.000 Office Space.

00:42:00.000 Let me blow the piece down.

00:42:01.000 He was great in that new western, too.

00:42:04.000 What is it?

00:42:05.000 The Ballad of Scruggs?

00:42:07.000 Buster Scruggs?

00:42:08.000 What is it called?

00:42:10.000 It's a Coen Brothers thing, right, isn't it?

00:42:12.000 Yeah.

00:42:13.000 It's really weird.

00:42:14.000 Have you seen that?

00:42:14.000 No, I haven't seen it.

00:42:15.000 It's very weird.

00:42:16.000 It's very weird.

00:42:17.000 It's really good.

00:42:18.000 But it's like, whoa, alright.

00:42:21.000 Just weird, you know?

00:42:23.000 But Stephen Root is in it.

00:42:24.000 It's amazing.

00:42:27.000 He's just a real actor, you know?

00:42:28.000 He's amazing.

00:42:30.000 One of those dudes.

00:42:31.000 I would never do a sitcom again, ever.

00:42:33.000 But I'm so glad I did do it.

00:42:35.000 Like, I learned a lot.

00:42:36.000 And it was a great experience.

00:42:38.000 Did you see Andy Dick got arrested again?

00:42:40.000 Yeah.

00:42:41.000 Even if you and Tommy weren't buddy cops, you wouldn't do that?

00:42:45.000 Going around shooting people with guns?

00:42:46.000 I'd do a sketch.

00:42:48.000 Yeah, who cares about TV anymore, right?

00:42:52.000 I don't watch any TV shows, except for the South Parks and the cartoons and stuff. 0.94

00:42:58.000 But there's not a sitcom I give a fuck about, you know?

00:43:00.000 They don't really exist anymore. 0.93

00:43:02.000 I caught up on Mexican Joker last night. 0.99

00:43:03.000 It's great, right?

00:43:04.000 I was trying to catch up because I saw they have a new one tonight.

00:43:07.000 They got controversy with China for it.

00:43:09.000 Those are the guys that still, to this day, I look forward to watching every week.

00:43:15.000 They go hard in the paint.

00:43:16.000 Do you see the response that Trey did to China?

00:43:19.000 No.

00:43:21.000 Jamie, did you see it?

00:43:23.000 So yeah, Trey did an official response to China and that's what...

00:43:29.000 Explain to everybody what happened.

00:43:31.000 South Park had an episode that kind of made fun of the president of the NBA's response to China that was in the news recently.

00:43:43.000 It's about how Hollywood...

00:43:46.000 It edits their films.

00:43:47.000 Iron Man 3 has a whole 12-minute scene that they added just for the Chinese release.

00:43:54.000 They make things to make China happy so they can make more money because there's so many millions of people in China.

00:44:00.000 What did they add?

00:44:01.000 It was a scene of an Asian doctor.

00:44:07.000 I think they were taking out the thing in his chest and saving...

00:44:12.000 We're good to go.

00:44:30.000 And of course, you know, they got banned from China.

00:44:32.000 China scrubbed the whole internet free of everything.

00:44:35.000 Official apology to China from Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

00:44:38.000 Like the NBA, we welcome the Chinese censors into our homes and into our hearts. 0.99

00:44:42.000 We too love money more than freedom and democracy.

00:44:45.000 How do you say XI? Xi, I think.

00:44:47.000 Xi?

00:44:49.000 Doesn't look just like Winnie the Pooh at all.

00:44:51.000 Tune into our 300th episode this Wednesday at 10. Long live the great Communist Party of China. 0.95

00:44:57.000 May this autumn's sorghum harvest be bountiful.

00:45:01.000 We good now, China? 0.91

00:45:03.000 Oh my god, he's the best.

00:45:05.000 He's the best.

00:45:06.000 They are the best.

00:45:07.000 They are the best.

00:45:08.000 I love them.

00:45:09.000 They're the best.

00:45:10.000 We too love money.

00:45:12.000 Say that?

00:45:12.000 Put the exact quote again.

00:45:14.000 What does it say?

00:45:16.000 We too love money more than freedom and democracy.

00:45:19.000 I like how he said also, G doesn't look just like Winnie the Pooh at all.

00:45:25.000 I'm just adding that just.

00:45:29.000 300th episode.

00:45:30.000 I love it.

00:45:31.000 We welcome the Chinese censors into our homes and into our hearts. 0.99

00:45:35.000 Like the NBA. Well, the NBA thing is a weird one, right?

00:45:38.000 Like the guy, he's like super social justice warrior-y.

00:45:42.000 He's always criticizing this and that when it came to China.

00:45:45.000 He's like, everything's really good over there.

00:45:47.000 Oh, the commissioner of the NBA? Yeah, what did he say?

00:45:50.000 I don't know what he said necessarily.

00:45:51.000 He definitely soft-pedaled.

00:45:53.000 Yeah, he's flowing over there now to have a meeting about it.

00:45:56.000 Yeah, and there's a chance even that I heard that he could even get fired from this.

00:46:00.000 Because that's how much money that NBA as a company is going to be losing from China.

00:46:07.000 Now, what is the big deal about China?

00:46:08.000 They just like basketball?

00:46:10.000 Or is it just a giant market?

00:46:11.000 Just so many people.

00:46:13.000 Yeah, they've got them hook-lined on basketball since Yao Ming back 15 years ago got in there.

00:46:19.000 What about Lin Sanity?

00:46:21.000 Is that still going on?

00:46:23.000 He signed to play over there this year, actually.

00:46:26.000 What happened with him?

00:46:27.000 He took off. 0.99

00:46:28.000 He was kicking ass for a very short period of time. 0.98

00:46:30.000 He had a very good NBA career. 0.98

00:46:33.000 He just won an NBA title with the Toronto Raptors.

00:46:36.000 But how can people stop talking about him?

00:46:39.000 It was a hype train that happened, and he had a very good run of like 10-12 games.

00:46:44.000 Part of it was he was in New York with the New York media train, the Knicks.

00:46:48.000 They weren't very good.

00:46:49.000 They're still not very good now, but it all got wrapped up in all that kind of.

00:46:54.000 And then he got sent off to another team, and once you're in a small market, everyone kind of forgets about you.

00:46:59.000 The whole China thing is very strange, man. 0.89

00:47:01.000 We got hit up by someone from Huawei who wants to come on the podcast.

00:47:05.000 Yeah.

00:47:06.000 I'm like, no thanks.

00:47:07.000 I'm good.

00:47:08.000 Oh, the phones?

00:47:09.000 Drop some phones off for us?

00:47:10.000 Yeah.

00:47:10.000 Drop some phones off.

00:47:11.000 Jesus.

00:47:12.000 Listen to everything you do.

00:47:13.000 Follow you home. 1.00

00:47:14.000 That shit's really interesting. 1.00

00:47:16.000 That'd be like one of those phones you leave at work and you wake up in the morning and sit on your sink. 1.00

00:47:19.000 Hey. 1.00

00:47:20.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:47:21.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:47:21.000 What's going on here? 1.00

00:47:23.000 Hey, man.

00:47:24.000 That'd be like a Black Mirror episode. 0.98

00:47:26.000 Those Huawei phones are fucking badass, though. 0.98

00:47:29.000 That's the thing. 1.00

00:47:31.000 They're not as good as this shit. 1.00

00:47:32.000 No. 1.00

00:47:33.000 Here's the deal, okay?

00:47:34.000 I gave a thorough examination. 0.91

00:47:37.000 I went from the iPhone XS Max, whatever the fuck the last one was, and then I got a Note 10. And then I got the new one, the iPhone 11 X Max Pro, fuck your mother, 1.00

00:47:52.000 whatever it is. 1.00

00:47:53.000 The Note can't fuck with it at all. 0.97

00:47:56.000 The Note's just not as good. 0.99

00:47:58.000 It's clumsy.

00:47:59.000 They're not as good.

00:47:59.000 They're clunky.

00:48:00.000 Their keyboard sucks. 0.99

00:48:02.000 Worst keyboard ever made. 1.00

00:48:04.000 I don't understand why people don't bitch about that more. 1.00

00:48:06.000 You could add those other keyboards, but they're all...

00:48:09.000 They're a little bit better, but Apple just got the keyboard down.

00:48:12.000 Down.

00:48:13.000 It's like you don't realize how much better Apple's keyboards are until you try, and this is only on their phones. 1.00

00:48:19.000 Their laptops are dog shit. 1.00

00:48:21.000 Wow. 1.00

00:48:21.000 Their laptops' keyboards are so bad, I got a 15-inch one. 1.00

00:48:25.000 There's companies that take the old ones, the old 15-inch ones from like 2012, and they put a SSD card in it, or they put a solid-state hard drive in it and update the processor and update the graphics.

00:48:38.000 They update everything.

00:48:39.000 And they give you like one terabyte of storage.

00:48:41.000 But they basically put all modern internal components into the old shell.

00:48:45.000 So you get the real keyboard.

00:48:47.000 A keyboard that you can actually feel the keys.

00:48:49.000 You actually feel where they are.

00:48:50.000 And you feel them moving around. 0.99

00:48:51.000 The new keys, those flat fucking keys, are just so bad. 0.98

00:48:55.000 You're going to hate the future of MacBook Pros. 0.98

00:48:58.000 So you might as well just switch over right now.

00:49:00.000 Because it definitely is going to become a screen on the bottom as a keyboard.

00:49:05.000 What?

00:49:05.000 Yeah, they're definitely going to use...

00:49:08.000 Whatever feedback.

00:49:10.000 Taptic feedback?

00:49:10.000 Yeah, so it feels like you're tapping on the screen, but you're actually just going to have a whole screen in the box.

00:49:16.000 They pulled that pressure sensitive off the new iPhones.

00:49:20.000 Yeah.

00:49:20.000 So it's just long press now.

00:49:21.000 I hate that.

00:49:22.000 It's not pressing because no one used it.

00:49:24.000 Yeah, nobody used it.

00:49:25.000 I used it.

00:49:26.000 I'm one of the few people, because there's one thing that they haven't replaced yet.

00:49:30.000 Like, a lot of the other things you hold down, it does what it used to do.

00:49:33.000 But I don't know if a lot of people didn't even know about it, but when you're on the keyboard and you just, like, hold your thumb down, you used to be able to use it as, like, a mouse, like a cursor.

00:49:42.000 So if you're trying to, you know, be accurate...

00:49:45.000 But you can still do that with the space bar.

00:49:47.000 You can still do it, not just the keyboard.

00:49:48.000 You hold the space bar down.

00:49:49.000 Okay, never mind.

00:49:49.000 Or just the thing.

00:49:51.000 Yeah.

00:49:51.000 It's the space bar.

00:49:52.000 People don't know.

00:49:53.000 Explain that because it's pretty dope.

00:49:55.000 The space bar, when you hold the space bar down, you can move that cursor around anywhere you want.

00:50:00.000 It's really nice.

00:50:01.000 Yeah, when you're typing or anything like that, it's like having a mouse in a thing.

00:50:06.000 Thanks, man.

00:50:07.000 I was so bummed about that.

00:50:10.000 That was really pissing me off.

00:50:13.000 Well, they do a lot of things that you don't know what they do.

00:50:16.000 A lot of people don't know how to make a screenshot or how to do screen record.

00:50:20.000 There's a lot of things that people don't know how to do.

00:50:23.000 I mean, it's a really complicated device, and most people use like three-tenths of what it's capable of.

00:50:30.000 But they're so much better than Android phones right now.

00:50:33.000 I mean, maybe I'm wrong.

00:50:33.000 Maybe Huawei has a better keyboard.

00:50:35.000 But the Samsung keyboard, in comparison to Apple, there's no competition.

00:50:40.000 There's so much...

00:50:42.000 They're so less accurate.

00:50:44.000 And their prediction of what you're going to say next is so bad.

00:50:48.000 It just doesn't work good.

00:50:50.000 The Note's camera was very good.

00:50:53.000 The Note 10, I like the camera a lot.

00:50:55.000 I like the focus video.

00:50:56.000 You can pretty much do the portrait mode, but in video mode, which you can't do on the iPhone, which sucks.

00:51:02.000 Yeah, that's better.

00:51:02.000 That's one thing that the Note does better.

00:51:04.000 That pen, I never use that thing.

00:51:07.000 Yeah, me neither.

00:51:08.000 It's cute.

00:51:08.000 I like having it around.

00:51:09.000 I like showing people, look, you can take a picture with it.

00:51:11.000 You press the button.

00:51:12.000 It works like a remote control.

00:51:14.000 Never used it once.

00:51:14.000 Yeah.

00:51:15.000 Did you see the new Essential phone that got leaked yesterday?

00:51:18.000 No, I like this.

00:51:19.000 I think I've talked about this before, how I wouldn't mind a thinner, skinner, longer phone.

00:51:24.000 Skinner?

00:51:25.000 This is just leaked, so we don't know.

00:51:26.000 Slept walked.

00:51:29.000 What is that?

00:51:29.000 It looks like a remote control.

00:51:31.000 That's the phone?

00:51:32.000 It's a central phone 2. Can you show the video of it?

00:51:35.000 Because there's a video of it that's really cool when he's like scrolling through the...

00:51:41.000 He's scrolling through the operating system, one of the videos.

00:51:44.000 Yeah, it's a new Android operating system they have put on the phone.

00:51:47.000 I don't know if it's going to have things removed from it.

00:51:50.000 So is it their own thing?

00:51:52.000 I think it's proprietary for them.

00:51:55.000 Is that a camera?

00:51:56.000 Yeah, the back is a camera. 1.00

00:51:57.000 That's a huge fucking camera. 0.99

00:51:59.000 That's going to be one of the best cameras ever. 0.99

00:52:01.000 Well, it's a really small phone.

00:52:02.000 So if that iPhone camera was on something so thin, that would look huge too.

00:52:07.000 It's a very thin thing.

00:52:10.000 It seems like it's almost half the size, width-wise, of your iPhone.

00:52:16.000 Why would you want that?

00:52:17.000 I don't get that.

00:52:18.000 Different.

00:52:19.000 Options are good.

00:52:21.000 Hand cramping.

00:52:22.000 Hand cramping.

00:52:22.000 How wide the phone is.

00:52:25.000 I'm constantly trying to lean over.

00:52:27.000 That's so weird.

00:52:29.000 An Apple TV remote size looks like.

00:52:31.000 Yeah, it's exactly what it looks like.

00:52:33.000 I like that.

00:52:33.000 Do you?

00:52:34.000 I really do.

00:52:35.000 Well, I'll tell you what, though.

00:52:36.000 Who had...

00:52:37.000 Was it Dan Aykroyd?

00:52:38.000 Who had the old iPhone in here the other day?

00:52:40.000 Oh, Commander Fravor.

00:52:41.000 David Fravor had an iPhone 4 with the flat sides.

00:52:47.000 The metal.

00:52:47.000 Yeah, the metal sides.

00:52:48.000 It's so small.

00:52:50.000 He was showing me pictures on it.

00:52:51.000 I was squinting to see the picture.

00:52:53.000 They're so little.

00:52:54.000 But it's so tiny.

00:52:55.000 It just fits in your hand.

00:52:57.000 Yeah, that's what I like.

00:52:58.000 Because my hand's sore.

00:52:59.000 It hurts.

00:52:59.000 I bet it's...

00:53:01.000 At night, it feels like I've been typing all day, you know, or stretching it out.

00:53:06.000 Is it really that big of a deal?

00:53:08.000 My hands are way smaller than yours, though.

00:53:10.000 Yeah, but if you just got a smaller iPhone, just get the small one.

00:53:14.000 I could barely reach over halfway.

00:53:18.000 It's pretty big. 1.00

00:53:19.000 But when you're watching YouTube videos, it's the shit. 0.99

00:53:21.000 I'll tell you what, that is one thing that, yeah, I have a hard time getting all the way over there, too. 0.99

00:53:26.000 You guys have the max, right?

00:53:27.000 The big one?

00:53:28.000 Yeah.

00:53:28.000 Yes.

00:53:30.000 My girlfriend has the smaller one.

00:53:31.000 Yeah, the smaller one.

00:53:32.000 I like that better.

00:53:33.000 My girlfriend has that size. 0.99

00:53:35.000 That might be the move.

00:53:36.000 Because it used to be a bigger deal.

00:53:38.000 There was a camera stabilization for going to the smaller to the bigger one.

00:53:42.000 Do we have any pop sockets here?

00:53:44.000 We have the Jerry Popsockets.

00:53:46.000 Give me one of them things.

00:53:47.000 Nikki Glaser stole it. 0.98

00:53:48.000 Did she?

00:53:48.000 Well, I gave it to her.

00:53:50.000 I thought there were more of them around.

00:53:51.000 Well, then that's not stealing, Jamie.

00:53:53.000 Sorry, Nikki.

00:53:53.000 She took it with some weed.

00:53:55.000 Oh.

00:53:56.000 We gave her about five pounds of weed. 0.98

00:53:58.000 I hope she didn't try to fly back with that.

00:54:00.000 Imagine if she got arrested. 0.99

00:54:02.000 She has a new special, right?

00:54:03.000 Yes, it's out right now.

00:54:04.000 It's hilarious.

00:54:05.000 That's why I let her take it. 0.99

00:54:06.000 That lady's fucking funny. 1.00

00:54:07.000 She's great. 1.00

00:54:08.000 She's very funny.

00:54:09.000 But Popsockets, my point was, if you have a Popsocket, it's way easier. 0.99

00:54:13.000 You could text like a motherfucker with a Popsocket. 1.00

00:54:16.000 Just slide that bitch right in there like that. 1.00

00:54:18.000 Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. 0.99

00:54:20.000 My new favorite thing, Joe, is Apple Watch now allows you to record voice memos on your watch.

00:54:26.000 So when you're doing stand-up, it's right there.

00:54:29.000 So it's a perfect recording because it's right next to your mouth.

00:54:34.000 One thing, though, is to turn your phone on airplane mode before you do it.

00:54:38.000 Because then it sometimes switches to the phone mic.

00:54:42.000 So what I do is I put them both on airplane mode.

00:54:44.000 So then I have audience and...

00:54:46.000 and then voice right next to it so if i wanted to mix it i would have almost a perfect sounding stage recording so it's two separate recordings in the same show yeah so if you keep your phone on your on the stool you're recording the audience and then you have your voice right next to you have to sync them up yeah you just whatever garage okay wow that actually sounds badass yeah that actually makes sense like a real reason to have an iphone watch Yeah.

00:55:12.000 I like it.

00:55:13.000 Also, you can monitor your sleep now.

00:55:15.000 You wear it, or I guess it's coming soon, but you could wear it and tell us how many times you wake up and it tells your heart rates and stuff like that.

00:55:20.000 I already have that with this thing.

00:55:21.000 I have this whoop strap.

00:55:23.000 This thing is amazing.

00:55:24.000 This thing, it doesn't just measure that.

00:55:27.000 It measures heart rate variability.

00:55:29.000 It measures...

00:55:31.000 All the disturbances, how much REM sleep you had, how deep your sleep was.

00:55:35.000 It also measures, because of heart rate variability, it measures how much you've recovered from your workout.

00:55:40.000 It measures how many calories you burned. 0.97

00:55:42.000 I mean, the application that comes with it, this WHOOP application, is fucking incredible. 0.98

00:55:46.000 I mean, it takes a long time to learn all this shit, but there's so much data that you get off of these things. 0.98

00:55:52.000 And it gives you these little things to fill out, little questionnaires that let you know, like, here, my recovery today is only 16%. 0.98

00:55:59.000 But I just got done running, though.

00:56:01.000 Oh, so it's not a watch at all.

00:56:02.000 It's just a strap.

00:56:03.000 No, it's just a strap.

00:56:04.000 Oh, I like that.

00:56:04.000 It doesn't tell you the time at all.

00:56:06.000 It has no readout on it, nothing.

00:56:08.000 You just keep it on you.

00:56:09.000 Oh, that's badass.

00:56:10.000 Because it looks cool, too. 1.00

00:56:11.000 Yeah, and it measures all your shit. 1.00

00:56:13.000 It measures your recovery, your strain. 1.00

00:56:16.000 It's got a sleep coach.

00:56:17.000 And so here with Sober October, we're all wearing them.

00:56:20.000 So we all get to see...

00:56:21.000 Oh, that's badass.

00:56:22.000 Today Burt burnt the most, well, how was he number one when he burnt 1,700 calories and I burnt 1,800?

00:56:29.000 Is it alphabetical order?

00:56:31.000 No, no.

00:56:32.000 It says 12 point, his day strain is 12.2, mine's 12.1, even though my activity was harder than his.

00:56:40.000 Oh, look at this.

00:56:41.000 It's on the internet.

00:56:42.000 They have a website, SoberOctober.com.

00:56:44.000 Yeah, you can track it and watch it. 1.00

00:56:46.000 No shit! 1.00

00:56:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:47.000 I'm a big fan of this strap.

00:56:50.000 This thing is really, really effective. 0.97

00:56:52.000 It's pretty fucking amazing. 0.96

00:56:53.000 Maybe Ari's wearing Burt's strap for him because he felt bad. 0.98

00:56:57.000 No.

00:56:57.000 Burt's not even talking to Ari.

00:56:59.000 They're not talking right now.

00:57:00.000 Oh, that's just for recovery.

00:57:01.000 It depends on what you're looking at, I guess.

00:57:03.000 Yeah, I mean, there's a bunch of different metrics that you can read.

00:57:05.000 Oh, sleep.

00:57:06.000 Look, so you can read your strain, your recovery.

00:57:09.000 You can read your performance, like how many calories you're burning, how much you've recovered, how efficient your body is.

00:57:17.000 It just lets you know where you stand physically.

00:57:20.000 It also lets you know whether or not you should push it or whether or not you should slack off.

00:57:24.000 Look, worse sleep. 1.00

00:57:25.000 Look at all that shit, man. 1.00

00:57:26.000 It's incredible. 1.00

00:57:27.000 Worse sleep, Bert.

00:57:28.000 Oh, of course.

00:57:30.000 He's haunted by Ari.

00:57:32.000 The memories of Ari drugging him, keeping him awake at night. 1.00

00:57:36.000 Fucking Ari! 1.00

00:57:37.000 I was going to tell you, on the iPhone, something I didn't notice that you were getting close to was that they added in the Health app your headphone audio levels. 0.99

00:57:45.000 So it tracks how loud you're listening to stuff over time.

00:57:49.000 And it tells you when you're in a good or bad audio listening range. 0.98

00:57:52.000 Like if you're listening to shit too loud, you're starting to damage your hearing. 0.91

00:57:55.000 So this then gets into the Apple Watch. 0.99

00:57:58.000 If you turn it on on your watch, it listens to the ambient sound.

00:58:02.000 So if you're in an environment like in a city where it's too loud, It adds that into your audio health.

00:58:08.000 It gives you warnings also.

00:58:09.000 Because one thing I've been doing lately at the comedy store, you know the back, back, back place where you smoke the weed?

00:58:14.000 You can download an audio meter that tells you how loud it is.

00:58:19.000 And so I downloaded it a long time ago.

00:58:21.000 It is so bad back there when there's a lot of people back there that it's like, emergency, get out of that area.

00:58:27.000 It's bad for your eyes.

00:58:28.000 Or ears.

00:58:28.000 It's like a bar.

00:58:29.000 Yeah, I know, but it's way higher.

00:58:31.000 Well, yeah, you've got a bunch of comics back there.

00:58:33.000 And it echoes off the...

00:58:34.000 Oh, that's true too, right?

00:58:36.000 The concrete and everything?

00:58:37.000 I would say though...

00:58:39.000 Allowing them to listen to all these microphones, you're just giving them access to listen to you everywhere now.

00:58:46.000 What are they going to listen to? 1.00

00:58:46.000 Shit? 1.00

00:58:47.000 Fuck? 1.00

00:58:49.000 Yeah, you're plotting against the government, Jamie? 1.00

00:58:52.000 What are you worried about?

00:58:54.000 There's an article that went around recently about this stuff called a mesh network that's created with some of these cameras on people's doors.

00:59:03.000 There's a test that happened in the LA basin.

00:59:05.000 700 cameras gave them access to almost the entire LA area.

00:59:09.000 Whoa.

00:59:10.000 Because of the way that they link to each other.

00:59:12.000 And there's, like, some, like, watchdog people are saying that, like, even if you're smart enough to, like, not do this, the person next to you might not be, or your neighbor might not be, they might have it on, and just because your proximity is close enough, your iPhone knows that your iPhone's next to it.

00:59:26.000 And it just goes, oh yeah, you were here, Joe was there.

00:59:29.000 Yeah, you can't, it's gonna be really hard to pull shit off in the future.

00:59:33.000 And it seems like with all these Nest phones and Ring phones, or, you know, not Ring phones, Ring cameras and Net cameras, Nest cameras that people have on their front doors, After a while, everywhere you go, you're going to be filmed.

00:59:44.000 They passed a law, I think, today that the California body cameras that cops use can't be used for facial recognition.

00:59:53.000 The ACLU got a law passed through that said that won't be able to happen or something like that.

00:59:58.000 Too bad, but we would have caught a lot more people.

01:00:01.000 That seems weird because that seems like when you would want to use it.

01:00:06.000 It's when you're a cop looking for bad guys.

01:00:07.000 It's like...

01:00:08.000 Yeah, but I think what's happening right now that I've been reading is third-party companies are getting access to that stuff, and they can buy it.

01:00:17.000 And that's where some of the discrepancies, because it's just happening too fast.

01:00:20.000 There aren't laws in place to stop some of these things from happening.

01:00:22.000 I just think there's lots of gray area that people can maneuver in.

01:00:27.000 It seems to be just a matter of time before you have surveillance everywhere.

01:00:33.000 Everywhere you go.

01:00:34.000 Everywhere.

01:00:35.000 Everything is available to everyone.

01:00:38.000 Except inside your house.

01:00:39.000 Like, people are going to tinfoil up the inside of their bedrooms just to try to keep people out. 0.99

01:00:43.000 And then you have the fucking television that probably has a webcam on it. 0.99

01:00:47.000 You know? 1.00

01:00:48.000 People are probably watching you fuck, Jamie. 0.99

01:00:49.000 They do watch, they listen to the, some TVs have that stuff on to listen to what's going on in your house and what your, they cross-references, audio signals. 0.99

01:00:57.000 Alexa is serious, all of that is.

01:00:59.000 Yeah, they're listening to everything. 0.98

01:01:00.000 I mean, even contractors who work for Alexa and Apple Pods and all that shit. 0.76

01:01:06.000 Or, I think Apple's one of the ones... 0.95

01:01:09.000 Is that Apple as well?

01:01:11.000 Because Apple's pretty damn strict on privacy, which is kind of interesting.

01:01:14.000 It's one of the reasons why Apple Maps is not very good.

01:01:17.000 Because they don't collect data on everybody the way Google does.

01:01:21.000 The benefit of the Google data collection is you get really detailed analytics on everything.

01:01:29.000 And so they know exactly what's going on.

01:01:31.000 That's why something like Waze works so well.

01:01:33.000 Because there's so many different people giving up information.

01:01:36.000 I mean, it shows you where the slowdowns are and where the cops are.

01:01:42.000 There's benefits to it.

01:01:44.000 It's super effective.

01:01:45.000 But the drawbacks are you're going down this weird road where these companies are selling your information.

01:01:52.000 That's what Google is.

01:01:54.000 Is a company that provides you data, they provide you information, but they're also selling your data.

01:01:59.000 They're constantly selling what you're interested in.

01:02:02.000 Like, if you ever went, like, say, like you're interested in a watch.

01:02:05.000 Like, I want to get a new watch.

01:02:06.000 Let me look at watches. 0.99

01:02:07.000 Every fucking time you go to any website now, those Google ads will be a watch. 0.99

01:02:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:02:13.000 It's weird. 0.99

01:02:14.000 It's like they're just tempting you.

01:02:17.000 Come on, Jamie.

01:02:18.000 I was listening to a podcast about the beginning of the history of the internet.

01:02:22.000 It's called Mintcast.

01:02:24.000 This was a couple months ago.

01:02:25.000 But he was talking about how when ARPANET was starting up in the 60s, there were a lot of protests about just even turning it on because people knew that it was going to be a surveillance system, sort of like what is happening now.

01:02:36.000 Really?

01:02:37.000 Yeah.

01:02:37.000 Even back then?

01:02:38.000 It doesn't work if people aren't using it, kind of.

01:02:42.000 It needs to spread and grow, and that personal computing is sort of tied in and came along the perfect time for this to grow more, and phones is even the next evolution of it.

01:02:55.000 Now, but doesn't it make life better?

01:02:57.000 I mean, there's pros and cons, right?

01:02:58.000 And the cons we're all terrified of.

01:03:00.000 But isn't it amazing that you could just Google things?

01:03:04.000 Yeah.

01:03:04.000 Like, you know, like, I said something the other day that I thought was a line in a movie.

01:03:08.000 I was like, is that a line in a movie?

01:03:10.000 And my wife is just Googling it. 1.00

01:03:11.000 And she's like, nope, nope, nope, nope.

01:03:13.000 Like, how crazy is that?

01:03:14.000 You can just find out.

01:03:16.000 Like, in a movie. 0.99

01:03:17.000 Like, how many goddamn movies are there? 0.98

01:03:20.000 You just type in something in quotes, and it'll say, oh, that was from The Shining. 0.99

01:03:24.000 And then, bam.

01:03:25.000 The lyrics for every song are on the internet.

01:03:27.000 Every song.

01:03:28.000 Every song.

01:03:29.000 It's just the pros...

01:03:32.000 I think, at least right now, outweigh the cons.

01:03:35.000 It's just we all wonder where it's going.

01:03:37.000 That's what's scary.

01:03:38.000 What's scary is the unknown.

01:03:40.000 You know, what's scary is this unknown surveillance state aspect of it all.

01:03:48.000 It's better, though.

01:03:50.000 There are benefits. 0.99

01:03:51.000 I've bought some of the ads I've gotten shit for. 0.97

01:03:54.000 I do it all the time. 0.97

01:03:56.000 Well, John Carmack had an interesting take on that.

01:03:59.000 Carmack is the guy who created Quake and Doom and all those games, and he was talking about Oculus, and we were talking about technology and people being addicted to their phones.

01:04:07.000 He's like, yes, but it makes your life better.

01:04:10.000 His take on it was, but people's lives are improved because of this technology.

01:04:16.000 Yes, people do get addicted to being on the screens, but one of the reasons why is because it seems better to them than not being on the screens.

01:04:24.000 There's benefits.

01:04:25.000 It's making their life more enjoyable.

01:04:28.000 I'm like, okay, but you're...

01:04:29.000 I see how you're looking at it that way.

01:04:32.000 But that's, you know, convenient when you're in technology to look at it that way.

01:04:36.000 But the people that look at it, like, in terms of, like, human beings and our connection with each other, like, how much of it is getting eroded?

01:04:43.000 Because so much...

01:04:44.000 I mean, how many times do you and I, unless we see each other at the store, how many times do we talk on the phone?

01:04:49.000 Like, I called you up the other day.

01:04:50.000 I'm like, hey, what's up?

01:04:51.000 How you doing?

01:04:52.000 I was like the first phone call of 2019. Yeah.

01:04:54.000 I've been doing that to people.

01:04:56.000 I called Santino yesterday.

01:04:57.000 I'm like, I just want to talk on the phone, man.

01:04:59.000 Can we talk on the phone?

01:05:00.000 I think it's good to talk on the phone.

01:05:02.000 I don't think people talk on the phone enough.

01:05:04.000 I definitely don't.

01:05:06.000 We're lucky too in that our job, we go out at night and we see each other.

01:05:10.000 We all see our friends.

01:05:11.000 We talk.

01:05:13.000 There's a lot of folks who don't do that.

01:05:15.000 They see each other at work during the day and then at nighttime they're sitting at home watching TV or staring at their phone and their interaction is severely limited.

01:05:24.000 Our business is a social business.

01:05:27.000 We're always out.

01:05:29.000 We're always out and about and talking to people and interacting with people.

01:05:33.000 But I think some folks today, because of this technology, they're socially a bit stunted.

01:05:38.000 And that's what I worry about.

01:05:40.000 Yeah, I see it.

01:05:41.000 100%.

01:05:41.000 I mean, it's weird that how it's...

01:05:44.000 When texting came out, everyone's like, who's texting?

01:05:46.000 And that's kind of taken over from more people.

01:05:48.000 I know a lot of people that don't...

01:05:50.000 Answer the phone anymore.

01:05:51.000 And email addresses.

01:05:52.000 I think that's kind of on the way out.

01:05:54.000 Who emails anymore?

01:05:55.000 Unless it's like work or something like that.

01:05:57.000 I mostly text or I mostly message each other.

01:06:00.000 I saw some girl complaining about people FaceTiming her.

01:06:03.000 And she was like, did you FaceTime me for no reason?

01:06:08.000 She goes, that's like just knocking on my door without telling me you're coming over.

01:06:11.000 Don't just FaceTime me.

01:06:13.000 She was angry.

01:06:14.000 Don't be FaceTiming me.

01:06:16.000 People FaceTime people now, though.

01:06:18.000 That's a thing.

01:06:20.000 Like, Chappelle's FaceTiming.

01:06:21.000 Really?

01:06:22.000 Yeah, he FaceTimes.

01:06:23.000 That's the new talking with the phone open on speakerphone.

01:06:25.000 Yeah.

01:06:27.000 Killer Mike FaceTimes. 1.00

01:06:28.000 He FaceTimed me while I was taking a shit. 0.98

01:06:30.000 Did you answer? 0.99

01:06:32.000 Yes.

01:06:32.000 I was watching Santino Live.

01:06:34.000 He's a man.

01:06:34.000 I'm a man.

01:06:35.000 Santino was live on his Instagram and I popped in and he tried to make me join him.

01:06:39.000 I just woke up and I was very haggard and it was dark. 0.99

01:06:43.000 I was like, no, I'm not joining your shit. 0.99

01:06:44.000 My eyes aren't even open. 0.99

01:06:46.000 I can't do this.

01:06:46.000 Don't be scared, Jamie.

01:06:48.000 Don't be scared of your looks.

01:06:49.000 You're a wonderful looking man. 0.98

01:06:50.000 Do you know how many ugly people would be happy to look like you? 0.98

01:06:52.000 No, thank you. 0.96

01:06:54.000 Yeah, I think you and Joey and my parents are the only ones that I answer phone or FaceTime.

01:06:59.000 I'm calling people every day now.

01:07:01.000 I call a lot of people.

01:07:02.000 I always call my wife.

01:07:03.000 I hardly ever text her.

01:07:04.000 But I'm trying to call more people.

01:07:08.000 I think it's a move that's a healthy move.

01:07:11.000 You get a real conversation, a little back and forth, a little laughter, you know, joke around with each other. 0.86

01:07:16.000 Texting is just so fucking impersonal, so bland, open to interpretation. 0.56

01:07:21.000 Do you use the voice memo thing that the text messages allows you to use? 0.97

01:07:26.000 No!

01:07:26.000 You know who does that, man?

01:07:27.000 Alex Jones.

01:07:28.000 He'll send me these long...

01:07:29.000 Joe Rogan, what's going on right now with the deep state?

01:07:31.000 What they're trying to do with Trump? 0.99

01:07:33.000 He'll send me these long fucking voicemail messages that come in a text message. 0.99

01:07:38.000 You know, voice memos. 0.99

01:07:40.000 And they go away, too.

01:07:41.000 They go away after a few days.

01:07:43.000 I save them every time.

01:07:45.000 Self-destruct.

01:07:46.000 They have a save button.

01:07:52.000 Yeah.

01:07:52.000 People are into those, though.

01:07:53.000 Those little voice memos.

01:07:54.000 I don't know why.

01:07:55.000 Get to hear the voice.

01:07:56.000 I guess.

01:07:57.000 No back and forth.

01:07:58.000 That's true.

01:07:59.000 But my voicemail is always full, so that's a sneaky workaround.

01:08:03.000 I keep my voicemail full.

01:08:05.000 Get out of here with that thing. 0.97

01:08:06.000 Yeah.

01:08:06.000 No spoiler alert, but screening phone calls over answering machines popped up in that movie, and that was like a thing that I kind of forgot you used to be able to do.

01:08:15.000 You'd be like, hey, no, no, no, I'm here.

01:08:17.000 Yeah, you would let it go to, hey, what's up, Joe?

01:08:22.000 Not here right now.

01:08:23.000 Leave a message.

01:08:24.000 You'd probably say something cool.

01:08:26.000 You'd have some cool music, like some white snakes playing in the background.

01:08:31.000 I get so many scam calls every day now that I spend most of my time just going through my missed call list and then Googling the phone number to see if it's a scam call or not.

01:08:40.000 Is there a way to block that?

01:08:41.000 Isn't there a robocall blocker?

01:08:43.000 Well, the new iPhone thing lets you block numbers that you don't have saved so it goes straight to voicemail.

01:08:48.000 That's key.

01:08:49.000 Because if you don't have it saved, then you'll just check the voicemail later or see that they called.

01:08:54.000 Yeah, I don't check any voicemails. 0.98

01:08:56.000 All my shit's off, though. 0.93

01:08:57.000 I have it on silent mode, do not disturb, everything. 0.99

01:09:01.000 I have to just make sure I check it every 15 minutes or so.

01:09:05.000 Well, for me, I'm glad I got the note because I wanted to know what the dark side was like.

01:09:11.000 I watch a lot of tech videos on phones and stuff like that, and I was like, well, maybe Android has caught up.

01:09:17.000 Maybe it is better.

01:09:19.000 It's not.

01:09:19.000 It's still clunky.

01:09:20.000 It's a fucking keyboard. 1.00

01:09:21.000 It's good for watching YouTube. 1.00

01:09:23.000 It's good for Googling stuff.

01:09:25.000 It's good for Google Maps.

01:09:26.000 It's really good for Google Maps.

01:09:27.000 Google Maps on Android is native to Android, so it's actually slightly better than it is for iPhone.

01:09:34.000 But that's it.

01:09:36.000 They've got to have a...

01:09:37.000 When you connect it to your car, there's like an Android thing?

01:09:40.000 Android Play, Auto, yeah.

01:09:41.000 Yeah, something like that. 0.69

01:09:42.000 It's okay, but a lot of car manufacturers don't even fuck with it. 0.98

01:09:46.000 BMW doesn't even fuck with it. 1.00

01:09:48.000 They use Apple CarPlay, and if you have an Android, you can go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:09:52.000 They don't care. 0.99

01:09:52.000 My Honda has both, which I thought was cool. 0.99

01:09:55.000 It has the Apple Play and the Android Play.

01:09:58.000 Yeah, a lot of the aftermarket ones have both.

01:10:00.000 I've never tried Android Auto.

01:10:02.000 That's one bad thing about Tesla, though, huh?

01:10:04.000 Yeah.

01:10:04.000 I mean, he needs to do something because there's no messaging app on the Tesla.

01:10:08.000 But I think that's better. 0.99

01:10:09.000 That way you don't fuck with it while you're driving. 0.99

01:10:11.000 Yeah, but it's nice just to be at least like, hey, you got a text message. 0.99

01:10:15.000 You know, or any...

01:10:16.000 It doesn't have anything.

01:10:17.000 I guess.

01:10:18.000 I don't know, man.

01:10:19.000 I just...

01:10:20.000 I think it's something... 0.94

01:10:21.000 There's something good about not fucking with that at all while you're driving. 0.87

01:10:24.000 You know, if you can look at your phone if you want to, it's still there. 0.88

01:10:27.000 Yeah.

01:10:27.000 But that big-ass, beautiful screen, it's worth it.

01:10:29.000 I like it, though, when, you know, in Honda, you just hit a button and it just reads your text to you.

01:10:35.000 Oh, yeah, like auto.

01:10:37.000 Yeah.

01:10:37.000 Yeah, yeah, Apple CarPlay.

01:10:38.000 Yeah.

01:10:39.000 Yeah, that does that.

01:10:39.000 I have that on my Toyota.

01:10:41.000 See, the thing about Tesla is, though, their navigation system is so superior.

01:10:46.000 What I love about it is it works like a phone, because it's all connected to the internet, so you can say to it, hey, navigate to Tom's Barbecue, and it'll just...

01:10:58.000 Bang! 1.00

01:10:58.000 And it'll just take you to Tom's Barbecue. 1.00

01:11:00.000 And it says, like, would you like to go on autopilot? 0.99

01:11:02.000 Like, fuck yeah, I would. 0.99

01:11:04.000 You press autopilot. 1.00

01:11:05.000 Would you like us to change lanes? 1.00

01:11:06.000 Fuck yeah, change lanes, bitch. 1.00

01:11:07.000 It'll change lanes for you. 1.00

01:11:09.000 I mean, it's so superior in, like, its application.

01:11:14.000 Like, the way it, first of all, the screen is enormous.

01:11:19.000 So you're looking at the entire grid of the city, basically, and you see where you're going a mile away.

01:11:26.000 Sometimes you're looking at a little screen on a phone, and you're like, is this next or is it the next block?

01:11:31.000 Is it this one or the next one?

01:11:32.000 With a Tesla, there's no confusion.

01:11:34.000 And you get on the front screen on your dashboard, you see a part of what's coming up next.

01:11:41.000 The zoom, it's the closest part.

01:11:43.000 Like, oh, there's the left right there.

01:11:44.000 Dude, it's so good.

01:11:45.000 It's so good.

01:11:46.000 And then driving it. 1.00

01:11:47.000 Other cars feel stupid, don't they? 1.00

01:11:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:49.000 I tried to drive my Civic the other day and it sucks. 1.00

01:11:52.000 This used to be the coolest car to drive, like fun, and now it just seems so dumb. 1.00

01:11:56.000 They're dumb. 1.00

01:11:57.000 They're dumb. 1.00

01:11:58.000 He's got me. 1.00

01:11:59.000 I am Tesla for life because of this.

01:12:02.000 I don't know enough about all these analysts that are predicting that Tesla's going to be doomed.

01:12:06.000 Like some guy said that Tesla's going to lose 80% of its stock or go away, like some financial analyst.

01:12:14.000 They've been saying that forever.

01:12:15.000 What are they basing that on?

01:12:17.000 I've read that stuff too.

01:12:20.000 We're good to go.

01:12:42.000 Right?

01:12:43.000 It just knows it's electric, and it goes into the socket.

01:12:45.000 Like the charging port thing?

01:12:46.000 Right?

01:12:47.000 I don't know how that works.

01:12:48.000 I think that's a...

01:12:49.000 Well, the one at the airport is just electric.

01:12:51.000 You ever use the one at the airport?

01:12:53.000 Yeah, it's slow.

01:12:53.000 You've got to put on the little adapter.

01:12:54.000 But who cares?

01:12:55.000 When you're going to the airport, you leave your car parked, and you plug it in, you come back, it's fully charged.

01:13:00.000 Wait, there's one in the middle?

01:13:02.000 LAX? Oh, yeah!

01:13:03.000 Oh, LAX? They don't know much.

01:13:05.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:05.000 Are they open?

01:13:05.000 Like, a lot of them open?

01:13:06.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:07.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:08.000 That's a game changer.

01:13:08.000 Well, it's hard to get them sometimes because a lot of people have electric cars now, but I got one the other day.

01:13:13.000 I was at the airport the other day.

01:13:15.000 Everyone got mad that you have to pick up your taxis and Ubers now, like in a satellite lot or take a shuttle over there? 0.95

01:13:21.000 Dude, that sucks. 0.91

01:13:21.000 Well... 0.91

01:13:22.000 They need that for the goddamn comedy store. 1.00

01:13:24.000 Those dorks always park right in front of the driveway. 1.00

01:13:26.000 You can't get in or out, and it's a nightmare. 0.96

01:13:28.000 Yeah, it's out of control.

01:13:29.000 And they get mad at you. 1.00

01:13:30.000 Like, you're not supposed to be here, stupid. 1.00

01:13:32.000 Yeah, it's out of control. 1.00

01:13:33.000 Assholes. 1.00

01:13:34.000 But, look, at least less people are drunk driving. 1.00

01:13:37.000 The congestion...

01:13:40.000 To fix anything there is a great idea.

01:13:42.000 So I don't know like what you complain about them doing anything.

01:13:44.000 At least they're trying.

01:13:45.000 Less traffic definitely is great. 0.96

01:13:47.000 It just sucks.

01:13:48.000 You mean at LAX? Yeah, yeah. 0.96

01:13:49.000 It's just the worst.

01:13:50.000 It's terrible.

01:13:50.000 Well, I came home from Italy with my family at 11 o'clock at night and it was bumper to bumper.

01:13:57.000 It's the worst at night.

01:13:58.000 It was so bad.

01:13:59.000 I couldn't believe how many people were at LAX. It's so bad.

01:14:02.000 And then you go to like Salt Lake City and it's just smooth sailing.

01:14:07.000 Yeah.

01:14:08.000 You know, you go to a smaller town, airport. 0.99

01:14:11.000 Salt Lake City is a goddamn hidden gem, kids. 0.99

01:14:14.000 5 o'clock at night. 0.99

01:14:16.000 5 o'clock p.m.

01:14:17.000 Tuesday night.

01:14:18.000 Nobody's on the road.

01:14:19.000 It's just smooth sailing.

01:14:21.000 They don't have traffic.

01:14:22.000 Their traffic is non-existent.

01:14:24.000 The Mormons scare everyone away. 1.00

01:14:26.000 Like, it's beautiful.

01:14:28.000 The weather's gorgeous.

01:14:29.000 They're surrounded by mountains.

01:14:31.000 But everyone's like, ah, these Mormons. 1.00

01:14:33.000 And they get scared off.

01:14:34.000 And they don't move there.

01:14:36.000 Yeah, I think Salt Lake's great.

01:14:38.000 I mean, the only bad thing is the snow, right?

01:14:40.000 Whatever.

01:14:41.000 Did you fart?

01:14:41.000 No, that was my lips.

01:14:44.000 You get a four-wheel drive. 1.00

01:14:46.000 Just get a truck, you know, and fucking, you know, stay home when it snows. 0.99

01:14:51.000 When Tesla releases their truck... 1.00

01:14:53.000 They are coming out soon. 0.99

01:14:54.000 I sent Elon a picture of a truck, and I said, hey man, this looks fucking dope. 0.81

01:14:58.000 He's like, that's not really our truck. 0.85

01:15:00.000 Our truck is more...

01:15:01.000 He said, what was his words?

01:15:03.000 It's more Blade Runner-esque.

01:15:05.000 Yeah.

01:15:05.000 That's what he said.

01:15:07.000 It's more than that picture?

01:15:08.000 The picture that I think you're talking about, the black one, that's already pretty Blade Runner-y.

01:15:14.000 But that, I could tell, is fake.

01:15:15.000 Because if he's going to make a truck, he has to have more of a bed space in the back, right?

01:15:19.000 I think he's trying to make something...

01:15:21.000 Yeah, that's fake. 0.99

01:15:22.000 But that looks fucking dope, man! 0.99

01:15:25.000 That looks pretty Tron, too. 0.99

01:15:26.000 I like the lights.

01:15:27.000 Oh my god, it looks amazing.

01:15:28.000 But I think whatever he's doing is going to look even doper than that.

01:15:32.000 But no one has seen it.

01:15:34.000 He's somehow or another been able to keep it under wraps.

01:15:39.000 How many people have trucks in the United States?

01:15:42.000 That's going to be a game changer.

01:15:44.000 I'm surprised that he hasn't released it yet.

01:15:46.000 And it's American.

01:15:48.000 That's an American product.

01:15:51.000 It's a weird thing. 0.99

01:15:52.000 People are like, yeah, I like fucking engines and Ford and Chevy. 0.99

01:15:56.000 They think that's American. 1.00

01:15:57.000 Well, guess what else is American?

01:15:58.000 Tesla.

01:15:59.000 That's an American invention.

01:16:00.000 It's American.

01:16:02.000 And it's good for the environment.

01:16:03.000 Don't you love the outdoors?

01:16:04.000 Yes, you do.

01:16:05.000 Good. 1.00

01:16:06.000 Get a fucking electric car. 1.00

01:16:07.000 Drive around in that. 0.99

01:16:08.000 Yeah, it's the best part.

01:16:10.000 It's going to be interesting to see what it looks like.

01:16:12.000 Have you got solar at your house yet? 0.96

01:16:14.000 Have you ever tried to fuck with the Tesla solar? 0.93

01:16:16.000 We were going to get the Tesla roof panels, but our roof has the wrong pitch. 0.98

01:16:21.000 For whatever that means.

01:16:22.000 Oh, direction?

01:16:23.000 Yeah, so we have another setup.

01:16:25.000 Another solar panel.

01:16:26.000 Oh, badass.

01:16:26.000 Yeah.

01:16:27.000 But the...

01:16:28.000 I think solar is in California.

01:16:30.000 It's a silly thing to not have.

01:16:32.000 It's like you can get all your power from the sky.

01:16:36.000 It should be the law.

01:16:38.000 Every house has to have...

01:16:40.000 Well, I think it's a matter of time.

01:16:41.000 Tesla has these solar panels that act as tiles.

01:16:45.000 They look like roof tiles.

01:16:46.000 They look really good.

01:16:47.000 They look like real nice roof tiles.

01:16:49.000 But I think they didn't have that 10 years ago.

01:16:52.000 And 10 years from now, they'll probably have something even more efficient.

01:16:54.000 The real problem is battery capacity.

01:16:56.000 Battery capacity is the thing that holds back these electric cars.

01:17:00.000 And they think they're going to be able to fix that, too.

01:17:02.000 And they think with new battery technology, you're going to be able to get more mileage and you'll be able to charge far quicker.

01:17:20.000 It's too quiet.

01:17:24.000 It doesn't matter. 1.00

01:17:24.000 When you drive it once, you're like, holy fuck. 1.00

01:17:27.000 When you realize how fast they are, it's like time travels. 0.99

01:17:31.000 It just goes...

01:17:32.000 It just cuts the distance between spaces in a way that no other car can do.

01:17:38.000 I've never seen another car that...

01:17:40.000 And it does that without being obnoxious.

01:17:42.000 Like it doesn't go...

01:17:45.000 It doesn't make some crazy loud noise.

01:17:47.000 It just goes.

01:17:48.000 Whoosh!

01:17:49.000 Elon should definitely have an update where it makes your car's speakers match with your acceleration so you feel like you're inside a rumbling car while you're driving down.

01:17:59.000 They have that with some cars, but people get mad at it.

01:18:02.000 Apparently, the new Corvette pipes fake sound into the car.

01:18:06.000 Right. 0.96

01:18:06.000 When they make cars that are turbocharged, when you have forced induction with turbocharged, these turbos, they make the engine sound shitty. 0.96

01:18:17.000 Like a naturally aspirated engine is the loudest, most rumbly kind of an engine.

01:18:22.000 And when you have turbocharges, it mutes the sound of the engine.

01:18:25.000 I don't know why.

01:18:26.000 I guess it's because of all the forced air.

01:18:29.000 They don't sound as good.

01:18:31.000 So what they've been doing is they've been forcing fake sound.

01:18:34.000 BMW does that.

01:18:36.000 When you're driving the car and you hear the cool acceleration sound, it's kind of fake.

01:18:40.000 It's coming in through your speakers, which is really weird.

01:18:43.000 They're about to release a fart horn also on the test list.

01:18:46.000 Yeah, I heard about that.

01:18:47.000 That's a great idea.

01:18:48.000 I saw this video today and you started mentioning something that triggered it.

01:18:51.000 Have you seen this yet?

01:18:52.000 It says solar, a game changer for technology developed in San Antonio to pull water from humid air.

01:18:58.000 So this guy, Moses West, he was retired and it took him four years.

01:19:02.000 He developed this machine called AWG. I'm trying to find out what that stands for, but it's a big machine that literally makes drinking water from the air at very low cost, he said.

01:19:12.000 Lower cost than groundwater.

01:19:14.000 Whoa.

01:19:15.000 He already has them in Puerto Rico, the Bahamas, and Flint.

01:19:17.000 I think he's made 12 of them so far.

01:19:19.000 I've talked about this with my dad before, because I have a humidifier, and it does the same thing.

01:19:24.000 I have to empty out the water container out of it every night.

01:19:28.000 A dehumidifier, I'm sorry.

01:19:29.000 Right.

01:19:29.000 And it has this big tank that when I use it, I have to throw it out.

01:19:33.000 And I was like, that just pulls from the air.

01:19:35.000 And I was like, Dad, why can't you drink it?

01:19:36.000 And he says it's still water, so you can't...

01:19:40.000 You can't drink still water, right?

01:19:42.000 Still water?

01:19:43.000 You know what... 1.00

01:19:44.000 Like pond water kind of shit? 1.00

01:19:46.000 No, like the... 1.00

01:19:46.000 Puddle water? 1.00

01:19:47.000 It's not still water.

01:19:48.000 The water you can buy...

01:19:49.000 Oh, distilled.

01:19:50.000 Distilled water.

01:19:51.000 Right.

01:19:51.000 Yeah, it's not good for you.

01:19:52.000 You got to add electrolytes to it.

01:19:54.000 The science behind the technology is simple condensation, the same principle that creates beads of water on the outside of a cold glass of water on a hot, humid day.

01:20:02.000 The warmer and more humid the air outside, the better his machine is able to condense the water...

01:20:08.000 We're good to go.

01:20:19.000 It's like an endless source of water.

01:20:20.000 It's a water generator.

01:20:22.000 That's really cool for places that are humid. 0.99

01:20:23.000 I wonder if that would work in LA, though, because it's dry as fuck here. 0.98

01:20:26.000 Right. 0.98

01:20:26.000 Do they have any water in the air here? 0.98

01:20:28.000 They must have some.

01:20:29.000 Yeah.

01:20:30.000 I looked on the other day.

01:20:31.000 It's 62% humidity outside.

01:20:33.000 I was like, this is...

01:20:34.000 Oh.

01:20:34.000 That's Ohio levels.

01:20:35.000 That's crazy.

01:20:36.000 Right now it is?

01:20:37.000 It was just the other day.

01:20:37.000 It must have been...

01:20:38.000 Cloudy day?

01:20:39.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:20:40.000 So on a regular day, but is it ever 0% humidity?

01:20:43.000 It's not.

01:20:44.000 No, it's lower, but it's still not.

01:20:46.000 Like, I always thought it was zero, but it's not always.

01:20:49.000 Well, if what he's saying makes sense, right?

01:20:51.000 Like, you've always been able to take a glass with ice and a drink, and you get condensation on the outside of it.

01:20:58.000 Always.

01:20:59.000 Right.

01:20:59.000 So all they would have to do is, I mean, if that works on a hot day in L.A., they could get water out of the air.

01:21:08.000 That's amazing.

01:21:09.000 This is new, as far as I know.

01:21:12.000 It's probably not a brand new technology.

01:21:13.000 He just figured out how to make it viable.

01:21:16.000 God, I love smart people.

01:21:19.000 I'm so glad they're real.

01:21:21.000 I'm so glad they're out there fixing things.

01:21:23.000 I'm really hoping, and I've talked to many technologists that believe this as well, that technology is going to be the solution for our environmental problems.

01:21:33.000 That they're going to be able to pull carbon out of the air.

01:21:35.000 Is this it right here?

01:21:36.000 That's the machine?

01:21:36.000 That's him, yeah.

01:21:38.000 Next here, it cuts him, like, filling it up.

01:21:39.000 What is this gentleman's name?

01:21:40.000 Moses West.

01:21:42.000 Powerful Moses West.

01:21:43.000 Yeah.

01:21:43.000 Figured it out.

01:21:44.000 And that's like a truck container.

01:21:46.000 Like, it looks like the...

01:21:47.000 Look at that.

01:21:48.000 There it is.

01:21:49.000 Yeah.

01:21:50.000 That's crazy.

01:21:50.000 It looks like one of those things on the...

01:21:52.000 Like a caboose on a train.

01:21:54.000 What's a caboose?

01:21:55.000 No.

01:21:55.000 Cab?

01:21:56.000 Which one's the cargo holder?

01:21:59.000 I don't know.

01:21:59.000 What are those?

01:22:00.000 It's like the front's the engine, right?

01:22:02.000 Yeah.

01:22:02.000 What's all those ones in the back?

01:22:04.000 What are those called?

01:22:04.000 The locomotive's the front, right?

01:22:06.000 Yeah.

01:22:07.000 What?

01:22:08.000 Yeah, caboose is the bottom. 0.99

01:22:10.000 Look at all that water they're getting out of the fucking air. 0.98

01:22:13.000 Texas man plans to take water machine to the Bahamas. 0.99

01:22:16.000 Dude, the Bahamas is really depressing.

01:22:19.000 Have you paid attention to the devastation in the Bahamas?

01:22:22.000 From the hurricane?

01:22:23.000 Yeah.

01:22:23.000 You know, Eve Edwards is from the Bahamas.

01:22:26.000 So he went down there and he's helping out.

01:22:28.000 And I looked at some of the video footage of the devastation down there.

01:22:33.000 The Bahamas essentially got wiped out.

01:22:35.000 I mean, they got crushed by that hurricane.

01:22:37.000 Yeah, the airport was...

01:22:38.000 Disappear, just gone.

01:22:39.000 Yeah, pull up some footage.

01:22:41.000 Have you ever been to Bahamas?

01:22:42.000 No, I've never been.

01:22:43.000 Have you?

01:22:44.000 Yeah.

01:22:44.000 What's it like?

01:22:45.000 Very beach.

01:22:46.000 It was the only place where everyone was trying to sell you drugs everywhere.

01:22:50.000 I was at Pizza Hut, and the guy goes, here's your pizza.

01:22:53.000 And I went to Pizza Hut for some reason.

01:22:54.000 I don't know why.

01:22:55.000 Because I was like, oh, I want American, poor, cheap pizza. 1.00

01:22:59.000 And the guy goes, here's your pizza.

01:23:00.000 I go, do you want to buy any Coke?

01:23:01.000 And I'm like, no.

01:23:02.000 Whoa.

01:23:04.000 Pizza and Coke.

01:23:05.000 I figured if you're the type of guy who gets pizza in the Bahamas, you're the type of guy who does Coke.

01:23:10.000 Look at what it looks like, man. 1.00

01:23:12.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:23:14.000 Look at that one on the right, the far right, the big picture. 1.00

01:23:17.000 Go large with that.

01:23:18.000 Look at that, man.

01:23:19.000 That's insane.

01:23:21.000 I mean, it essentially wiped out the island.

01:23:24.000 See, when you're in the path of hurricanes on a regular basis like that, And you're stuck there.

01:23:30.000 That's got to be such a helpless feeling.

01:23:32.000 You know the destruction's coming basically every year.

01:23:37.000 It wasn't this bad 10 years ago, right?

01:23:41.000 All these people probably were like, yeah, we had a hurricane once 20 years ago. 0.98

01:23:45.000 But now it seems like they're just getting fucked every year. 0.78

01:23:47.000 Well, part of it is because of climate change, the Atlantic Ocean. 0.97

01:23:51.000 The Atlantic Ocean is a warm ocean, right?

01:23:53.000 That's why we don't get hurricanes out here in the Pacific, because the water's cold.

01:23:57.000 The pros and the cons.

01:23:58.000 The pros are...

01:23:59.000 We don't get hurricanes.

01:24:00.000 The cons are it's cold to swim in.

01:24:02.000 But to me, I'll take that all day.

01:24:05.000 I don't swim in the ocean that much. 0.99

01:24:06.000 Hurricanes seem to come every fucking year. 0.99

01:24:09.000 The side benefit of Tesla is that they could drive underwater. 0.99

01:24:11.000 Did you see those videos of Tesla?

01:24:13.000 Not submerged, but crazy.

01:24:17.000 Really?

01:24:17.000 Because it's airtight.

01:24:18.000 Tesla's are airtight because they have the nuclear bomb mode for the air conditioning.

01:24:24.000 You know what I'm talking about?

01:24:25.000 The radiation mode?

01:24:26.000 Nuclear bomb mode?

01:24:27.000 So they have the filtration system, at least in the X. I think it's in the S, too.

01:24:33.000 It's so airtight that if the air quality's bad or whatever, you could do the...

01:24:39.000 I forget the name of it.

01:24:40.000 It's not called nuclear bomb mode, but it's the nuclear symbol.

01:24:43.000 Like fallout mode?

01:24:44.000 Yeah.

01:24:44.000 And it makes it so no air, it's only filtering the air that's inside the cabin, and it's airtight so that if there's bad gas outside...

01:24:52.000 How long would it take before you run out of oxygen, though?

01:24:54.000 I don't know.

01:24:55.000 Right?

01:24:56.000 Yeah, good question.

01:24:57.000 Because there's only so much air in there.

01:24:58.000 If you just breathe in air and blow out carbon dioxide, it wouldn't eventually fill up?

01:25:02.000 Or maybe it's filtering the air because the filters can...

01:25:06.000 It's like wearing a gas mask.

01:25:07.000 It's filtering new air into it.

01:25:09.000 Yeah, what is it called here?

01:25:11.000 Does that really work like that?

01:25:12.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:25:15.000 I remember I was watching an episode of Top Gear and they were saying that the air that comes out of a Porsche 911 Turbo is actually cleaner than the air it sucks in in downtown LA. So if you drive around a 911 Turbo in LA, the exhaust fumes are actually cleaner than the air it pulls in.

01:25:33.000 Bioweapon defense mode is what Elon Musk calls it.

01:25:39.000 Bioweapon defense mode.

01:25:41.000 It's the advanced air filter systems to the point that Automaker has been making incredible claims about it.

01:25:48.000 Now, does it filter out carbon monoxide?

01:25:50.000 Like, can it give you a continuous supply of oxygen while the battery's charged?

01:25:54.000 Let's see.

01:25:55.000 When those fires were going on, I remember he was tweeting something about they were being used as escape vehicles to get people out because they had such good HEPA filters on them, yeah.

01:26:05.000 Oh.

01:26:06.000 Hmm.

01:26:07.000 That makes sense.

01:26:09.000 Yeah, having been in those fires myself, it's stunning how weird it gets when you're seeing, like, fire everywhere and then the air is just everywhere you go.

01:26:18.000 It's just filled with smoke.

01:26:19.000 The worst I ever saw was one year we were filming Fear Factor and the entire ride home for more than 50 miles.

01:26:26.000 The whole right side of the highway was on fire.

01:26:28.000 I thought it was more water than that, but there's some other videos.

01:26:30.000 That's a lot of water, bro.

01:26:31.000 What's so funny, he makes a wave that attacks this reporter.

01:26:34.000 Look, he's like...

01:26:37.000 That's a weird feature.

01:26:40.000 Because you remember those karmas, those Fisca karmas, they blew up at the dock because the dock got overrun with water and they all started exploding? 1.00

01:26:48.000 Yeah, that's fucked up. 0.99

01:26:49.000 Yeah, they didn't figure that out. 0.99

01:26:52.000 It's going to be interesting to see who steps into the electric car world.

01:26:57.000 Like now that Porsche has got this really sweet looking new car that's coming out.

01:27:01.000 But apparently it doesn't have as many miles, doesn't go as many miles as a Tesla.

01:27:05.000 And it's not as fast as a Tesla.

01:27:07.000 Which is weird.

01:27:08.000 But that's weird.

01:27:10.000 Like you're Porsche.

01:27:11.000 Why don't you have a faster car than Tesla?

01:27:14.000 How did they do that?

01:27:15.000 Why would they release a car that's not as fast?

01:27:17.000 I think they all can agree that Elon's 10 years past all the car makers right now.

01:27:23.000 Oh, he's 10 years ahead.

01:27:25.000 Well, it makes sense.

01:27:27.000 I think Apple's going to have something pretty cool.

01:27:30.000 If Apple really does finally release their electric car, you know that's going to be the iPhone of cars.

01:27:37.000 Do you think they're really doing that?

01:27:38.000 I really do.

01:27:39.000 I think Elon even said that they are.

01:27:41.000 I haven't heard of that.

01:27:43.000 They could buy someone, maybe, or put their name on something, but for them to get in a car, it seems pretty tough for Tesla to do it, to make their own cars.

01:27:51.000 No, I think they're teaming up with Volkswagen, and it's going to be an Apple car or something like that.

01:27:57.000 It seems like an insane waste of time.

01:28:00.000 Let's just go buy a Tesla.

01:28:02.000 Apple has so much money though.

01:28:04.000 It's amazing how much money that- They could buy Tesla.

01:28:06.000 Yeah, they definitely could.

01:28:08.000 It's amazing how much money that company has just stored up.

01:28:11.000 They could.

01:28:12.000 They could buy Tesla and just turn them into apples.

01:28:15.000 Easily.

01:28:16.000 That'd be great.

01:28:17.000 If Elon wanted to sell, I don't think he wants to sell.

01:28:19.000 I think he wants to prove everybody wrong.

01:28:22.000 When everybody says that the company's going to go out of business, it's going to lose 80% of its market share.

01:28:27.000 I don't know how he does everything.

01:28:30.000 That's what doesn't make any sense to me.

01:28:31.000 How does he do that and...

01:28:33.000 Pay attention to the tunnels they're digging under LA, and pay attention to SpaceX, and pay attention to SolarCity. 0.98

01:28:41.000 How the fuck can one guy have so many different irons in the fire? 0.97

01:28:46.000 A lot of assistants, I bet. 0.99

01:28:47.000 I'm sure.

01:28:49.000 But how does he rest?

01:28:51.000 How do you rest when you have that many different things going on? 1.00

01:28:55.000 That shit ain't good. 0.99

01:28:57.000 The most busy you've ever been, how many podcasts were you doing? 1.00

01:29:01.000 uh there was a point where with yours and death squad i was probably doing like 11 a week i was pretty much only doing podcasts i ruined all my relationships God damn. 0.77

01:29:15.000 Yeah, see, that is just not wise, right? 0.80

01:29:18.000 That's just too much.

01:29:19.000 It's too much to do.

01:29:21.000 When people do that, when they just take on too many different...

01:29:24.000 I've thought about other stuff, like doing other stuff.

01:29:27.000 I've had offers to do other stuff, and I start thinking about it.

01:29:29.000 Maybe I can find time for that.

01:29:30.000 And then I give myself coaching.

01:29:33.000 I'm like, what would you tell yourself? 0.99

01:29:34.000 I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you? 0.98

01:29:36.000 You're not doing anything else. 0.99

01:29:38.000 You can barely do all the stuff you're doing now.

01:29:41.000 I think for me too, as I get older, especially like right now in my life, my leisure time is very important to me.

01:29:47.000 Like it means something.

01:29:48.000 And I don't mean leisure like sit around doing nothing, but like hobbies.

01:29:52.000 Like stuff that I do.

01:29:53.000 Like lately I've been shooting guns.

01:29:55.000 Yeah, I was jealous, man.

01:29:56.000 Dude, you should come with us.

01:29:57.000 I'm thinking about buying a gun.

01:29:58.000 You should get a gun.

01:29:59.000 You want to come with us tomorrow? 0.89

01:30:01.000 Wait a minute.

01:30:01.000 What's today?

01:30:02.000 Wednesday.

01:30:03.000 I might be going tomorrow.

01:30:04.000 We'll talk afterwards.

01:30:05.000 Okay.

01:30:05.000 But I'm going soon.

01:30:08.000 Cool.

01:30:08.000 You should come.

01:30:09.000 It's fun.

01:30:10.000 It's fun.

01:30:11.000 You learn how to shoot a gun.

01:30:12.000 You're doing the tactical stuff.

01:30:13.000 That looks fun.

01:30:14.000 It is fun.

01:30:16.000 It's like a video game.

01:30:17.000 But some people get mad.

01:30:19.000 A lot of mad comments.

01:30:20.000 Why?

01:30:20.000 Just get mad.

01:30:21.000 They don't want you shooting guns.

01:30:23.000 Stop it.

01:30:25.000 Stop it.

01:30:25.000 Think of the children.

01:30:27.000 Stop it.

01:30:28.000 Blanks. 0.99

01:30:29.000 Well, we're not shooting blanks.

01:30:30.000 I know.

01:30:30.000 We're shooting real bullets.

01:30:31.000 Of course it was.

01:30:31.000 But there's also a game that you can get we're going to get for this studio.

01:30:36.000 It's a real pistol.

01:30:38.000 It looks like a real pistol.

01:30:39.000 It has a six-pound pull, so it feels like a real pistol when you pull the trigger.

01:30:43.000 And it's like that techno-hunt thing, where you've got a laser beam that shoots out, and it even makes a noise like a gun.

01:30:50.000 Like, bang, bang, bang!

01:30:51.000 And you're shooting zombies.

01:30:52.000 No way!

01:30:53.000 Yeah.

01:30:53.000 And it's heavy, like a pistol, so you have to hold it like a pistol.

01:30:57.000 Dope.

01:30:57.000 Yeah.

01:30:57.000 Dude.

01:30:58.000 That's badass.

01:30:58.000 Does it keep score and whatnot?

01:31:00.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:01.000 It tells you how many civilians you shoot, how many zombies you got.

01:31:03.000 Because sometimes people come running around the corner and it's a zombie and then there's a civilian behind them.

01:31:07.000 You got to make sure not to shoot. 0.98

01:31:08.000 Are you guys rolling around and shit out there or are you just standing still in that area? 0.99

01:31:11.000 We're not in a movie, bro. 0.99

01:31:12.000 I know, but I don't know how much fun you guys are having.

01:31:15.000 No.

01:31:16.000 No. 0.99

01:31:17.000 I don't think it's a good idea to have dummies like me roll around with a gun in my hand. 0.98

01:31:21.000 That's true. 0.96

01:31:22.000 Somebody told me to buy a Glock 19. That was the gun to buy.

01:31:25.000 It's a great gun.

01:31:25.000 All right, cool.

01:31:27.000 Before you do anything, you should learn how to shoot.

01:31:29.000 I've shot before.

01:31:31.000 I've gone a few times with you.

01:31:32.000 Yeah, for rifles, right?

01:31:34.000 Oh yeah, but I've shot in Burbank at a shooting place.

01:31:38.000 Oh, they have a place near you?

01:31:39.000 Yeah, it's right down the street.

01:31:40.000 It's fun, man.

01:31:42.000 It's fun.

01:31:42.000 We should have a JRE shooting range somewhere.

01:31:45.000 Hell yeah.

01:31:47.000 We all went before to that thing.

01:31:49.000 Yeah, we shot all the hard drives.

01:31:50.000 Yes, that was fun, man.

01:31:52.000 That was fun, wasn't it?

01:31:54.000 It was.

01:31:54.000 Rifle shooting is fun, but pistol shooting, when you're holding in your hand, it's way more difficult.

01:32:00.000 Is it?

01:32:01.000 You think it's more difficult?

01:32:01.000 More difficult to aim.

01:32:03.000 Yeah, because he gave me a rifle, and I shoot rifles so much, or I have shot them so much, it's easy.

01:32:09.000 You just have trigger discipline.

01:32:10.000 You just don't yank the trigger, just pull, pull, pull, pull, pull, bang, and let it go off like a surprise shot, and I hit everything I aimed at.

01:32:17.000 And he was like, okay, you've shot that before.

01:32:19.000 But like pistols, I've only shot pistols at a range with no instruction.

01:32:24.000 I don't really, I didn't know what I'm doing at all.

01:32:26.000 And once you learn like how to grip it, how to hold it, how to aim, like you don't really hold that hard with your right hand.

01:32:32.000 Most of the pressure is with your left.

01:32:34.000 And the grip is very, it's not intuitive.

01:32:37.000 You have to learn it.

01:32:38.000 It's something that you have to be taught correctly.

01:32:41.000 And there's so many people there that are like, They shoot in competitions.

01:32:45.000 And so when you watch them do it, you're like, oh, wow, Jesus Christ.

01:32:49.000 Like, there's levels to this.

01:32:51.000 There's guys that can pull their gun out and shoot four shots inside of a second.

01:32:55.000 Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang! 0.91

01:32:56.000 In a second. 0.54

01:32:57.000 Pull, draw, pull, shoot. 0.78

01:32:59.000 Four shots inside of a second. 0.56

01:33:00.000 That's crazy. 0.98

01:33:01.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous. 0.99

01:33:03.000 But they're just begging for someone to break in their house. 0.99

01:33:05.000 There's people like that out there. 0.99

01:33:07.000 There's people like that where you break in their house, you've fucked with the wrong person. 0.98

01:33:13.000 Well, Tent City's growing, so I think I need to get one. 1.00

01:33:15.000 You just need to move.

01:33:17.000 LA's going to be a giant homeless encampment. 0.95

01:33:19.000 It really is.

01:33:20.000 If you looked at the spread, if it was a disease, a deadly disease that was killing everybody, and you saw patient zero, and then it spread to two people, four people, six people, ten people...

01:33:30.000 Now LA has more than 60,000 homeless people.

01:33:34.000 And every single underpass that you go to, you see camps now.

01:33:38.000 It's not like it used to be.

01:33:39.000 It's a totally different animal now.

01:33:41.000 It's like The Walking Dead, man, where it seems like it's growing...

01:33:45.000 Laurel Cannon, when you're going to Laurel Cannon off the 101, it used to be pretty normal.

01:33:50.000 Last night or two nights ago when I went through it, there was no sidewalk anymore.

01:33:55.000 If somebody had to walk on that sidewalk, good luck.

01:33:59.000 You're going through Ewok Village. 1.00

01:34:00.000 Yep, and needles and all kinds of fucked up and human shit. 1.00

01:34:04.000 I mean, human shit's all over downtown LA. I've seen a lot of people shit like that. 1.00

01:34:07.000 And that's nothing compared to San Francisco. 0.99

01:34:26.000 How do you fix that?

01:34:27.000 If you think that if there's something that LA needed to fix, out of all the things that LA complains about, the homeless problem is one of the most insurmountable problems.

01:34:37.000 What do you do to curb that?

01:34:39.000 How do you get these people homes?

01:34:41.000 How do you clean these people up?

01:34:42.000 How do you get them off drugs?

01:34:43.000 How do you get them off the streets?

01:34:44.000 How do you make it not a public nuisance?

01:34:46.000 How do you make it so people aren't scared to go down streets?

01:34:49.000 Because there's certain streets in downtown LA where you see the street.

01:34:52.000 Like, you're at the beginning of the mouth of the street and you're looking down the street like, I'm not walking down there.

01:34:56.000 Like, this is terrible.

01:34:58.000 They need to open up the mental hospitals again.

01:35:00.000 Whenever they closed them down, what, in the 70s or the 80s?

01:35:03.000 That's what caused all this.

01:35:04.000 They don't have those anymore.

01:35:06.000 It definitely was a problem, but it seems like it's gotten way worse, right?

01:35:10.000 Like, think about what it used to be 10 years ago.

01:35:14.000 Now think about what it is now.

01:35:15.000 I mean, this 10 years ago, it was still decades after they closed down the mental institutions.

01:35:19.000 They changed the standards.

01:35:21.000 So what it was, was they had certain standards where...

01:35:24.000 You would be institutionalized.

01:35:25.000 And they changed those standards under the Reagan administration and just sent these people out into the streets.

01:35:29.000 And everybody thought it was like really cruel because here you're just releasing these people with all these like severe mental health problems and just releasing them out into the street.

01:35:39.000 That was a long time ago.

01:35:41.000 Something has happened recently.

01:35:43.000 I guess it's the economy. 0.98

01:35:45.000 I mean, I don't know what it is, but another thing you're seeing around this area is mobile homes, like those campers, like Winnebago's, fucking everywhere. 0.94

01:35:56.000 People just get enough money to get one of them mobile homes. 0.92

01:35:59.000 They just park it on the street, and they live in those things.

01:36:02.000 Which is just like a mobile camp. 0.99

01:36:05.000 And you get these gypsies that hang out and they cook on the sidewalk and shit. 1.00

01:36:09.000 We used to have them here. 0.99

01:36:10.000 They were hanging out and sunbathing on the lawn out here. 0.99

01:36:14.000 And the owner of the building is like, get the fuck out of here. 0.98

01:36:17.000 What are you guys doing? 0.98

01:36:18.000 This isn't a park.

01:36:20.000 Go to the park.

01:36:21.000 You know what's worse?

01:36:22.000 Sovereign citizens.

01:36:23.000 What is that?

01:36:24.000 There's people that don't drive.

01:36:25.000 They travel.

01:36:27.000 And they don't follow the rules.

01:36:29.000 If you watch Live PD, they have...

01:36:31.000 One every episode.

01:36:33.000 Two every episode.

01:36:34.000 They'll get pulled over and they won't even roll down the window and they're like, I don't have to follow your rules, sir.

01:36:40.000 They never have driver's license or insurance.

01:36:44.000 People that don't think taxes apply to them.

01:36:46.000 They don't think the law applies to them. 1.00

01:36:48.000 But that's grown so big recently that it's so many people now that do this shit. 0.99

01:36:53.000 And it's the most... 0.99

01:36:55.000 Gross is like, if you watch on Live PD... What is Live PD? Live PD is cops nowadays, but I think it's way better.

01:37:02.000 Why is it way better?

01:37:03.000 Because it's live.

01:37:04.000 It's like four hours long and the hosts are...

01:37:06.000 It's live?

01:37:07.000 Like live in the moment?

01:37:08.000 Yeah, they're like in seven different cities.

01:37:09.000 They have a whole control center.

01:37:10.000 Like, all right, we got a speeding going on here.

01:37:12.000 We got a, oh, there's a chase going on here.

01:37:14.000 Let's go live over here.

01:37:14.000 Yeah, it's my favorite.

01:37:16.000 And they also have it in Columbus, Ohio, where they used to, but they just got rid of it.

01:37:20.000 Yeah.

01:37:20.000 I didn't even know this was a thing.

01:37:22.000 And so, these sovereign citizens, what are they saying?

01:37:25.000 They get pulled over and they say, I don't have to listen to you?

01:37:27.000 Yeah.

01:37:27.000 They pretty much say, your rules don't apply.

01:37:29.000 They'll be like, give me your driver's license.

01:37:33.000 I'm going to take you to jail for just a seatbelt violation.

01:37:36.000 Give me your license.

01:37:37.000 They won't.

01:37:37.000 I don't need to give you a license, sir.

01:37:39.000 They have this shit they keep on repeating. 0.99

01:37:42.000 And they all go to these websites and they're reading it on their phone. 1.00

01:37:45.000 Sir, I don't have to, you know, do this and that and this.

01:37:49.000 And then they finally have to, like, break their window and just drag them out and arrest them just for a seatbelt violation.

01:37:54.000 Some people are smart and do know what they're talking about, though, but other people have just, like, watched another video and are like, oh, I don't have to listen to this guy.

01:38:00.000 I'm a YouTuber.

01:38:01.000 There's something uniquely satisfying about watching that get pulled over by the cops and he knows exactly what his rights are and the cops are fucking up and he calls the cops on different codes and laws and the constitution and then he winds up driving off.

01:38:14.000 I've seen that before.

01:38:15.000 Yeah.

01:38:16.000 They pull over the DA on accident and they're like, whoops.

01:38:19.000 Yeah.

01:38:20.000 Or that woman. 0.99

01:38:22.000 Who was it?

01:38:23.000 New York. 0.99

01:38:24.000 She was some kind of high up person that got pulled over and she starts yelling at the cops and shit. 1.00

01:38:30.000 She lost her job the next day. 0.99

01:38:31.000 Oh yeah, I saw that. 0.99

01:38:33.000 That was ridiculous. 0.97

01:38:34.000 She was trying to throw her weight around. 0.98

01:38:35.000 She didn't realize she was on camera. 1.00

01:38:37.000 Being a bitch. 1.00

01:38:37.000 Corruption, man. 1.00

01:38:38.000 That's corruption. 1.00

01:38:39.000 You're a citizen, bitch. 1.00

01:38:41.000 Everybody needs to realize. 1.00

01:38:42.000 There was one where a judge got pulled over and they let him slide, but he got in trouble afterwards as well.

01:38:47.000 Because it's on camera.

01:38:48.000 And then someone finds that video and it's like, hey man, you're our citizen.

01:38:51.000 You're like us.

01:38:52.000 If you're speeding or something like that and they pull you over, you can't get out and act like you own these cops. 0.99

01:38:59.000 I mean, you've got to give your fucking driver's license. 0.99

01:39:03.000 You've got to show them your identification. 0.99

01:39:06.000 If you're doing something that's an infraction or a violation, that's the whole reason why we have cops.

01:39:11.000 Do you want everybody just driving 150 miles an hour with no ID and masks on?

01:39:15.000 No.

01:39:15.000 So you have to have rules.

01:39:16.000 So these are the rules. 0.91

01:39:18.000 If you do something that breaks the law, they've got to be able to pull you over and give you a fucking ticket and incentivize you to drive correctly and also find out if maybe you're running from the cops. 0.68

01:39:29.000 So they pull you over, they get your ID, they go, hey man, you've got a murder warrant out for you, so please step out of the car with your hands up. 0.72

01:39:35.000 I mean, this is the whole reason why we have cops in the first place.

01:39:38.000 These people that think they don't have to pay taxes and the laws don't apply to them.

01:39:42.000 It's all unconstitutional.

01:39:44.000 Good luck with that case.

01:39:45.000 Good luck with that.

01:39:46.000 Ask Wesley Snipes how that worked out.

01:39:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:39:48.000 They put Wesley in fucking jail for a long time. 0.99

01:39:51.000 Lauren Hill, too. 1.00

01:39:52.000 From the goddamn Fugees. 1.00

01:39:54.000 They put her in a cage for like a year, right? 1.00

01:39:57.000 How long did she go to jail for? 0.98

01:39:58.000 And it was a taxes thing, too, man.

01:40:01.000 They get these wacky...

01:40:03.000 Whether it's an attorney or a tax professional or some wacky advisor tells them they don't have to pay taxes.

01:40:10.000 And they read some internet thing and says, actually, it's unconstitutional.

01:40:13.000 It's only supposed to apply during wartime.

01:40:16.000 I'm like, listen. 1.00

01:40:18.000 Pay your fucking taxes. 1.00

01:40:19.000 Okay? 1.00

01:40:20.000 You can protest all you want.

01:40:21.000 You think it's unjust.

01:40:22.000 That's good. 1.00

01:40:23.000 They will put you in a fucking jail. 0.99

01:40:25.000 And if you're a famous person that's trying to pull that off, especially a famous rich person, look, it's not good, but it is what it is. 1.00

01:40:32.000 They're going to make an example of you.

01:40:33.000 Yeah.

01:40:35.000 How long did she go to jail for? 0.98

01:40:37.000 Three months?

01:40:38.000 That's it?

01:40:39.000 She only went to jail for three months?

01:40:40.000 Can't tell.

01:40:41.000 Hmm.

01:40:42.000 So she was released from a federal prison, women's low security all-female facility. 1.00

01:40:48.000 Just the fact they put her in a fucking cage is crazy. 0.99

01:40:52.000 Like, is she a danger to the public? 1.00

01:40:54.000 Like, what is going on here?

01:40:55.000 She owes you money? 0.99

01:40:56.000 How come that's the one money that you can't just pay back?

01:40:59.000 You know, you can't just pay it back.

01:41:00.000 How come I can't just pay it back?

01:41:02.000 Nope, not good enough.

01:41:03.000 Yeah, you still have to pay it back.

01:41:04.000 And yet they take away your ability to earn a living for a long time.

01:41:08.000 Like, Wesley Snipes, how long was he in jail for?

01:41:10.000 He was in jail for like a solid year.

01:41:13.000 A whole year behind bars, put a halt to his career, and all because he owed some taxes, because he had some wacky dude that was telling him he didn't have to pay taxes.

01:41:22.000 How long?

01:41:23.000 He had a three-year sentence.

01:41:25.000 Three years.

01:41:26.000 Imagine that, man.

01:41:28.000 Because of money. 1.00

01:41:29.000 They lock you in a goddamn cage. 1.00

01:41:31.000 It's not like he stole money. 1.00

01:41:33.000 It's not like he held up a bank.

01:41:35.000 It's not like he was a violent person that was a danger to society.

01:41:38.000 No, he owed some taxes.

01:41:40.000 He made money.

01:41:41.000 Yeah.

01:41:41.000 And they're taking his money.

01:41:43.000 Yeah.

01:41:43.000 He made money, but he didn't give his share up to the government.

01:41:46.000 So the government decided to lock him in a cage to punish him and to make a statement to everybody else.

01:41:51.000 It's also like you pay taxes, you get taxed on your paycheck, and then you get sales taxed.

01:41:57.000 You're getting taxed how many times, you know?

01:41:59.000 Getting taxed a lot.

01:42:00.000 Ten times.

01:42:01.000 Well, then that's why places like Nevada people like.

01:42:04.000 Because in Nevada, you don't have to pay state taxes.

01:42:06.000 So you can save a lot of money.

01:42:08.000 Florida, same thing.

01:42:10.000 Like I know a dude who moved to Florida because he was going to sell his business.

01:42:13.000 So he's like, look, I'm going to move to Florida and establish residence in Florida for a few years and then sell my business.

01:42:18.000 So I'm a Florida resident and then I don't have to pay nearly as much money.

01:42:22.000 If you own a big business, it can save you a ton of money.

01:42:26.000 It's just weird that it's different everywhere you go.

01:42:29.000 Some places just don't have state tax.

01:42:32.000 You don't have to pay.

01:42:34.000 Montana has different taxes.

01:42:36.000 Colorado has different taxes.

01:42:38.000 Everybody's got a different setup, different amount that you have to pay for this and that.

01:42:44.000 There's a weird thing that a lot of the big corporations have their headquarters in Delaware for some reason.

01:42:49.000 It's like some weird tax law for that.

01:42:51.000 A nice little tax haven.

01:42:54.000 Well, isn't that why the Juice moved to Florida?

01:42:57.000 Didn't OJ move to Florida because they couldn't take his pension that way?

01:43:00.000 Well, he owes money based off the lawsuit.

01:43:02.000 Right.

01:43:03.000 For the civil suit, yeah.

01:43:04.000 But he has a pension.

01:43:05.000 Right, from the NFL. Yeah.

01:43:06.000 That they can't take or something. 0.99

01:43:07.000 Right, they can't fuck with that pension. 0.99

01:43:09.000 Dude, I gotta tell you, watching him on Twitter every day is one of the strangest things. 0.99

01:43:15.000 And him talking about football...

01:43:18.000 So there's certain things, like if you're a guy who went to jail for embezzlement and you got out, but you're a football fan and you still talk about football, okay, you're just talking about football.

01:43:27.000 But if you're a double homicide guy, you killed two people with a knife, and then you got away with it, but everybody knows you did it, and then you're talking about football.

01:43:37.000 Hey, Twitter world.

01:43:38.000 What is he saying?

01:43:39.000 Run your studs.

01:43:40.000 He's talking about fantasy football all the time.

01:43:42.000 Let me hear some of this.

01:43:43.000 Go from the beginning.

01:43:46.000 Well, the fifth week is in the can and some things are beginning to reveal themselves.

01:43:50.000 One, the Dallas Cowboys may not be who we thought they were.

01:43:54.000 The Buffalo Bills defense is for real.

01:43:58.000 They are great.

01:43:59.000 Teddy Bridgewater is more than a seat holder.

01:44:03.000 If and when the time that Drew Brees decides to move on.

01:44:06.000 It's just so strange.

01:44:07.000 What if you just give an MMA, like, picks?

01:44:11.000 Right?

01:44:12.000 What if somebody gets out?

01:44:14.000 Stylebender was great this weekend.

01:44:15.000 Yeah, that would be weird.

01:44:17.000 Hey.

01:44:18.000 Yeah.

01:44:19.000 Well, I mean, obviously he was a great football player in his day.

01:44:22.000 So it kind of makes sense that he's talking about football, but it is strange.

01:44:25.000 And then if you look in the comments, it's all knife emojis.

01:44:29.000 And you really cut me up with that one, Juice. 0.98

01:44:32.000 His choice of words sometimes almost make me feel like that he's doing some shit on purpose, though. 0.98

01:44:39.000 I don't think so, Matt. 0.98

01:44:40.000 I think it's psychology.

01:44:41.000 Look at that.

01:44:43.000 South Park.

01:44:44.000 South Park.

01:44:45.000 Covered in jizz.

01:44:46.000 It's so strange. 0.81

01:44:47.000 Just grabbing knives.

01:44:48.000 Yeah.

01:44:49.000 I mean...

01:44:50.000 Man.

01:44:51.000 It's like you're never getting away from that.

01:44:53.000 700 replies.

01:44:55.000 It's never going to go away.

01:44:56.000 Right?

01:44:57.000 I mean, that's who he is.

01:44:58.000 At least now he's wearing sunglasses in every pick.

01:45:02.000 It's so strange, though.

01:45:05.000 Every video.

01:45:06.000 Hey, look at him.

01:45:06.000 He had sunglasses inside, took him off.

01:45:08.000 He's got his glasses.

01:45:09.000 Those are reading glasses.

01:45:09.000 He's got them in his hand, but it's all like jovial football talk.

01:45:14.000 So strange.

01:45:16.000 It's just, what a weird time we're at where a guy is a murderer and he's on Twitter.

01:45:24.000 Yeah, allegedly.

01:45:25.000 He's on Twitter and just talking about football.

01:45:29.000 What do you think he gets out of that?

01:45:31.000 Why do you think he thinks that's a good idea?

01:45:34.000 Does he just miss attention?

01:45:38.000 I don't think he has anything going for him.

01:45:40.000 He has to do that to promote signings. 1.00

01:45:44.000 Do you think he does that shit at the mall in Vegas? 1.00

01:45:50.000 I don't know what the fuck he does. 1.00

01:45:53.000 What does OJ do for money? 1.00

01:45:55.000 Pete Rose type shit. 1.00

01:45:56.000 He just gets that pension, right? 1.00

01:45:58.000 Yeah, he might be trying to build his Twitter account to a point where he could use it for that.

01:46:03.000 How many people do you have on it right now?

01:46:04.000 He's almost up to a million.

01:46:06.000 It's a 916,000.

01:46:08.000 Yeah, well, it's one of those things where it's kind of an oddity, right?

01:46:11.000 It's like an attraction.

01:46:12.000 He's going to be boxing Screech any day now. 0.90

01:46:16.000 He's really old, and he doesn't move that good, but he's got killer instinct.

01:46:21.000 Yeah.

01:46:23.000 I liked him on Naked Gun.

01:46:26.000 Look, he's, you know, before the murders, he was a beloved person.

01:46:30.000 It's just such an unusual...

01:46:33.000 Like, society today is so strange across the board.

01:46:37.000 You know, like, look at us.

01:46:39.000 We're wearing NASA costumes.

01:46:40.000 Millions of people are watching.

01:46:41.000 Like, what are we doing?

01:46:42.000 But what's the matter?

01:46:43.000 According to this TMZ article, I guess, it says that what he originally owed to the Goldman family due to 22 years of interest is over $100 million now.

01:46:54.000 Mmm.

01:46:55.000 Mmm.

01:46:56.000 So...

01:46:57.000 And they can't make him pay, huh?

01:46:58.000 Well, that's like why I guess he can't really work, because they just take all of that money.

01:47:03.000 So...

01:47:03.000 Any autograph signings he does probably would get...

01:47:05.000 They take all the money.

01:47:06.000 Stolen right away.

01:47:07.000 So how does he live?

01:47:08.000 He has to have like a certain allowance?

01:47:10.000 I guess that NFL pension.

01:47:12.000 Or he has a friend who gives him money.

01:47:14.000 Right.

01:47:14.000 I don't know.

01:47:15.000 Probably has like a...

01:47:16.000 I don't know.

01:47:17.000 How would he do that?

01:47:18.000 Like, what would he do with his Twitter?

01:47:21.000 The strange thing is, like, do you think that this is a calculated effort to try to start a social media business?

01:47:27.000 Or do you think this is just him just trying to connect with people?

01:47:31.000 Someone has to be in his ear.

01:47:32.000 There's no way he just figured out Twitter.

01:47:35.000 He's just bored and was like, what's this Twitter thing?

01:47:37.000 Let me download an app.

01:47:37.000 He has somebody pushing him to do it, for sure.

01:47:39.000 Read an article.

01:47:42.000 He's got to be the oddest guy on Twitter.

01:47:44.000 Him and John McAfee.

01:47:46.000 That John McAfee guy?

01:47:47.000 Is he still running around?

01:47:48.000 Oh yeah, he's like halfway trolling people.

01:47:51.000 It's hard to tell what he's doing.

01:47:53.000 What he's doing seems to be almost like some of it's very theatrical.

01:47:57.000 Remember when we interviewed him when he was on the run?

01:48:00.000 We interviewed him remotely when he was on the run for murder, and he was saying that it was all nonsense, and I was asking him about meth.

01:48:07.000 Like, how much meth?

01:48:07.000 Are you really smoking meth?

01:48:09.000 I read an article that showed that you had a meth lab that you built in your backyard, and he's like, that was all fiction.

01:48:16.000 Remember?

01:48:17.000 Yeah.

01:48:17.000 He was like, that was a prank.

01:48:19.000 I was trolling people.

01:48:20.000 I believe that.

01:48:22.000 You think so?

01:48:22.000 Yeah.

01:48:23.000 I don't know.

01:48:23.000 He's old school.

01:48:24.000 He's an old school troll. 0.91

01:48:25.000 I don't think he was cooking it. 0.94

01:48:27.000 I don't think he was straight up breaking bad in his backyard.

01:48:30.000 Where was he in Belize?

01:48:31.000 Like, where was he?

01:48:31.000 Somewhere really weird.

01:48:32.000 Something like that.

01:48:33.000 But someplace where it all went sideways on him, right?

01:48:36.000 Didn't his neighbor wind up getting murdered?

01:48:38.000 That's why he was on the run, right?

01:48:39.000 Yeah.

01:48:40.000 What a character.

01:48:41.000 I wonder what happened to that.

01:48:42.000 What a character. 0.99

01:48:42.000 The guy was a fucking antivirus mogul, you know? 0.99

01:48:46.000 I mean, that's McAfee. 1.00

01:48:48.000 McAfee antivirus.

01:48:49.000 He was like Norton and McAfee.

01:48:52.000 Those were the two big names in antivirus.

01:48:54.000 I wonder what Norton's up to right now.

01:48:56.000 He's probably hanging out in McAfee's old place in Belize, smoking his leftover meth. 0.99

01:49:04.000 Those dudes who fucking escape society and go and move to some small island and get some little native girlfriends. 0.99

01:49:12.000 That's a weird move, right? 0.99

01:49:13.000 That's a great move.

01:49:14.000 Do you think you'd ever see yourself doing that?

01:49:16.000 Hell yes.

01:49:17.000 You could podcast from an island somewhere.

01:49:18.000 As soon as that's possible being hologram style anywhere, you could have somebody on as a guest as a podcast, but in hologram form.

01:49:28.000 Well, listen, if we decided to set up a studio on an island somewhere...

01:49:33.000 And do the podcast from an island somewhere.

01:49:36.000 We'd have to fly some guests in, right? 0.91

01:49:38.000 Like, say if there's a few of us, we just talk shit about the news, all the things that are going down, the Trump impeachment, this and that. 0.96

01:49:44.000 We all did it from an island somewhere. 0.96

01:49:46.000 And occasionally we fly people in.

01:49:49.000 Say if you do it on Lanai, right?

01:49:53.000 Everybody flies in the Four Seasons, stay in a nice place.

01:49:57.000 It has to be somewhere where there's no hurricanes, though.

01:49:59.000 They don't get too many hurricanes out there.

01:50:01.000 Catalina Island.

01:50:01.000 It sounds like what Jeffrey Epstein pitched to get people on his plane to come up.

01:50:05.000 It does.

01:50:06.000 Yeah, come on now. 0.88

01:50:07.000 We're just having a conversation on the island.

01:50:09.000 Yeah, but we're not banging any kids.

01:50:11.000 We're just trying to relax.

01:50:12.000 He's still alive anyway, so we can just go to his island.

01:50:14.000 Do you think he's still alive?

01:50:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:50:15.000 Really?

01:50:16.000 Yeah, he's on that island.

01:50:17.000 How funny is it that people just stop talking about the fact that guy got whacked?

01:50:21.000 For sure they whacked that guy. 1.00

01:50:24.000 I mean, out of all the things that I'm sure about that I don't know, this is one that I'm most sure.

01:50:32.000 I'm most sure they murdered that guy.

01:50:34.000 He knew so much.

01:50:36.000 From so many different people.

01:50:37.000 And all the things that went wrong.

01:50:39.000 Even Michael Shermer, who is like a professional skeptic who doesn't believe in anything.

01:50:43.000 He found out that the cameras were broken and that they weren't working on the day the guy got offed.

01:50:50.000 He's like, oh, maybe this is a conspiracy.

01:50:52.000 You think?

01:50:54.000 You think? 1.00

01:50:55.000 Clinton flew to his fucking island 26 times. 1.00

01:51:00.000 He flew with Epstein. 1.00

01:51:01.000 Well, I don't know if he flew to his island, but he flew on Epstein's jet 26 different times.

01:51:07.000 They held El Chapo there for quite a long time and nothing happened to him.

01:51:11.000 What?

01:51:11.000 At that same facility.

01:51:13.000 Oh, did they really?

01:51:13.000 Yeah, like no one had died there for like 26 years or something like that since the 90s, what I heard.

01:51:18.000 They whacked that guy. 0.57

01:51:20.000 The most hilarious thing is, did you ever see who his cellmate was?

01:51:24.000 No. 1.00

01:51:25.000 His cellmate was a fucking gorilla. 1.00

01:51:28.000 Really? 1.00

01:51:29.000 Like, the biggest guy you could ever imagine being in your cell.

01:51:32.000 Like, the guy looked like...

01:51:33.000 Like, if you were going to have a movie about the worst possible cellmate you could ever have, it would be this guy.

01:51:39.000 Look at this guy. 0.99

01:51:40.000 Look at the fucking size of the guy! 1.00

01:51:42.000 I'm so glad he's white. 1.00

01:51:43.000 And he's a former cop. 0.97

01:51:44.000 A former cop built like a brick shithouse.

01:51:48.000 I mean, he's enormous.

01:51:51.000 What is that guy's name?

01:51:52.000 Nicolas Tartaglione or something.

01:51:54.000 Yeah, he was a bad cop.

01:51:56.000 The cop went bad.

01:51:56.000 But when you look at the size of him, you're like, come on, man.

01:51:59.000 That's really his cellmate.

01:52:01.000 That's what he looked like before he went in.

01:52:03.000 Look at that bad dog. 0.99

01:52:05.000 And that's him now?

01:52:06.000 Yeah.

01:52:07.000 Wow. 0.99

01:52:08.000 He's fucking huge. 1.00

01:52:11.000 A huge, gigantic, muscled-up dude was his cellmate. 0.99

01:52:14.000 And was he there when he got offed?

01:52:17.000 No.

01:52:18.000 He wasn't there?

01:52:18.000 No.

01:52:19.000 What a convenience.

01:52:19.000 He was there the first time he committed suicide.

01:52:22.000 Oh, the first time he tried?

01:52:24.000 Yeah.

01:52:24.000 He saved him.

01:52:25.000 What did this ex-cop do?

01:52:26.000 He killed four people in a bad coke deal.

01:52:29.000 Whoopsies.

01:52:31.000 No big deal.

01:52:33.000 Whatever, whatever.

01:52:34.000 A bad coke deal.

01:52:37.000 But how funny is that, that that's his cellmate?

01:52:41.000 Like, what do we got?

01:52:41.000 What do we got?

01:52:42.000 Well, we got a murderer that's built like a brick shithouse. 0.99

01:52:44.000 Let's put him in there with him. 0.99

01:52:45.000 He got some wet cocaine.

01:52:47.000 He's transferred out the eve of his suicide.

01:52:50.000 Like, hey, Vincent.

01:52:52.000 And then they had the doctor picture with Ghislaine Masquell at the In-N-Out and Studio City.

01:52:58.000 Yeah.

01:52:58.000 It was just like, well, they put that out, disappeared, made the news.

01:53:01.000 Right.

01:53:02.000 Doctor photoshopped for some reason.

01:53:04.000 Where's that lady? 1.00

01:53:05.000 No one knows.

01:53:06.000 They didn't even know where she was at the time, and then that picture came out.

01:53:09.000 They thought she was in Boston or something.

01:53:11.000 Out of all the high-profile cases, out of all of them, that's got to be the most strange, right?

01:53:18.000 This guy has an island.

01:53:20.000 On the island, he has a building that's painted in the colors of the Israeli flag.

01:53:30.000 They think he's a Mossad agent.

01:53:31.000 He's some sort of intelligence agent.

01:53:34.000 The reporter that said that he was released earlier was given a sweet deal because he was intelligence.

01:53:39.000 That's not been verified, right?

01:53:42.000 Right.

01:53:42.000 That came from one article, the Vanity Fair thing.

01:53:45.000 Right.

01:53:46.000 That got repeated a lot, but I don't know that...

01:53:50.000 We don't know if it's substantiated.

01:53:53.000 The whole thing, though.

01:53:55.000 Jesus Christ.

01:53:56.000 What a crazy story.

01:53:57.000 This is the strangest time because every day there's new things coming at you so hard and fast.

01:54:03.000 You can't keep up with it.

01:54:04.000 This was his drone.

01:54:05.000 There was someone flying a drone over his island.

01:54:07.000 They stopped three weeks ago, I guess, but almost every day there was updated drone footage for some reason.

01:54:13.000 I don't know how this person was getting it there.

01:54:14.000 They must have had a boat.

01:54:15.000 But yeah, he paid something like $50,000 extra to have a cement truck delivered there a couple months before he got arrested.

01:54:23.000 What? 0.98

01:54:23.000 He had a cement truck shipped out to his island, and they think some shit got buried in that tunnel or something. 0.98

01:54:29.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:54:29.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

01:54:30.000 So they have footage on this island pre-raid and post-raid of the FBI making it there?

01:54:36.000 Yeah, there was one last week or two weeks ago where they supposedly saw him sitting in a Jeep.

01:54:42.000 Yeah, they thought so.

01:54:43.000 It was just like a worker from the island. 0.53

01:54:45.000 Yeah.

01:54:46.000 There's going to be so many stories about this, but we're never going to know.

01:54:49.000 It's going to be one of those things that's like the Kennedy assassination or something, where decades will go by, you'll hear all these crazy different stories, people write books about it, but you'll never really know exactly what happened.

01:55:00.000 Hey, we should get this island.

01:55:02.000 What happens to this island?

01:55:03.000 Like, what happens to it?

01:55:03.000 How much do you think an island costs?

01:55:05.000 It's probably going to be cheap because no one wants to live on a pedophile island, so this could be the place, Joe.

01:55:10.000 Yeah, it could be.

01:55:10.000 I mean, this helicopter stops there.

01:55:14.000 Look at that beautiful water.

01:55:16.000 I don't know if that's really smart.

01:55:18.000 Doesn't seem like a good move.

01:55:20.000 It seems like you want to do like what Roseanne did.

01:55:23.000 You get a place on an island that is already populated.

01:55:27.000 A bunch of nice people.

01:55:28.000 You establish yourself as a valuable member in the community.

01:55:31.000 And then you set up a little camp there.

01:55:34.000 Imagine the big island.

01:55:35.000 The big island might be the move. 1.00

01:55:37.000 Set up a fucking studio on the big island. 1.00

01:55:41.000 Hell yeah. 1.00

01:55:42.000 What do you think?

01:55:43.000 Let's do it.

01:55:43.000 It's not a bad idea, right?

01:55:45.000 Tech Observatory?

01:55:46.000 Can we do it up there where they let us?

01:55:47.000 No, they won't even let them build a new telescope.

01:55:50.000 What if we take a tent and a microphone up there?

01:55:52.000 No, they'll get mad at you.

01:55:53.000 You're littering.

01:55:54.000 Temporary.

01:55:55.000 No!

01:55:55.000 All right.

01:55:56.000 No, you don't want to be up there anyway.

01:55:57.000 There's no air.

01:55:58.000 So that's really hot.

01:55:59.000 It's like 11,000 square feet.

01:56:01.000 Red Band would be blacking out.

01:56:03.000 We need to have something like near Kona, like where the Four Seasons is.

01:56:10.000 See?

01:56:10.000 Again, the Four Seasons.

01:56:11.000 Bring oxygen with us.

01:56:12.000 I'm Four Seasons minded.

01:56:13.000 Oxygen basement.

01:56:14.000 Fly people into the Four Seasons.

01:56:15.000 We rent a suite at the Four Seasons, set it up as a studio.

01:56:18.000 Yes.

01:56:19.000 Sounds great.

01:56:19.000 We have to have an escape oxygen, like, basement we can go to just in case of a hurricane or something crazy happens.

01:56:25.000 An oxygen basement?

01:56:26.000 Or, like, an escape room.

01:56:27.000 We could Airbnb it out to other podcasters that need to vacation.

01:56:31.000 Not anyone, but, like, your friend.

01:56:32.000 Like, a good friend of yours. 1.00

01:56:34.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:56:34.000 They would ruin it. 1.00

01:56:36.000 Eh, maybe.

01:56:36.000 Farts.

01:56:37.000 Come on, Ari's gonna go there and fill it with NBMA. All the seal and the water be broken. 1.00

01:56:43.000 Yeah, trust me.

01:56:44.000 Bad idea.

01:56:45.000 He's going to put acid on all the doorknobs.

01:56:47.000 Someone who can go meditate there quietly.

01:56:49.000 Someone like that.

01:56:50.000 Sam Harris goes on those things where you don't talk for 10 days. 0.99

01:56:53.000 Get the fuck out of here with all of that. 0.97

01:56:56.000 He comes back. 0.99

01:56:57.000 He still seems the same.

01:56:58.000 I don't get it. 1.00

01:57:00.000 These guys, they go on these fucking retreats. 1.00

01:57:02.000 I mean, I'm sure there's a benefit. 1.00

01:57:04.000 I'm sure there's a benefit to silent meditation, but you can take it and stuff it deep in your ass. 1.00

01:57:09.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:57:10.000 I like talking to people, man. 1.00

01:57:12.000 There's not enough time in this life.

01:57:13.000 You don't like to meditate?

01:57:14.000 I do meditate for 10 minutes every day.

01:57:16.000 10. 10 minutes.

01:57:19.000 That's not much.

01:57:20.000 It's not much.

01:57:20.000 I cancel it out when I do yoga.

01:57:23.000 I don't meditate on yoga days because I feel like yoga is basically meditation anyway.

01:57:27.000 It's like a strain.

01:57:28.000 And meditation all combined.

01:57:30.000 And I cancel it out on days I get in the tank.

01:57:32.000 But other than that, it's beneficial.

01:57:34.000 It definitely helps me, man.

01:57:36.000 I got too much just bouncing around inside my head.

01:57:39.000 But it's controllable.

01:57:42.000 I just need to get out ahead of it.

01:57:46.000 Like today.

01:57:47.000 Today I went for a nice run.

01:57:49.000 I went running with the dog.

01:57:51.000 And I feel great.

01:57:52.000 Because I got it all out of the system.

01:57:55.000 I did what I had to do.

01:57:58.000 Come here to do a podcast with you.

01:58:00.000 Everything's wonderful.

01:58:01.000 Life is beautiful.

01:58:02.000 It's all falling into place.

01:58:04.000 But when it's not, and there's loose ends that need to be sealed up, and I'm behind on this, I don't think good.

01:58:14.000 If I don't take care of all the things that I'm supposed to take care of, I do not enjoy my time.

01:58:20.000 To me, I've found that that's a painful lesson that took forever to learn.

01:58:25.000 That if I don't have all my...

01:58:28.000 Ducks in a row, and my T's crossed, and my I's dotted.

01:58:32.000 I'm not happy.

01:58:33.000 There's just too much things to think about, too much anxiety.

01:58:36.000 I think that's what's going on with a lot of people. 0.96

01:58:39.000 I think there's a lot of people out there that just don't have their shit together, and they don't ever just say, look, before I do anything else, I gotta get... 0.98

01:58:47.000 Like, Jordan Peterson talks about this. 0.99

01:58:48.000 He says, just clean your room.

01:58:50.000 Start with that.

01:58:51.000 You can clean your room.

01:58:52.000 And most people don't.

01:58:54.000 You keep your room a mess, and then your life's a mess.

01:58:56.000 And there's an analogy there.

01:58:58.000 There's a metaphor there.

01:58:59.000 Whatever other word you would like.

01:59:02.000 You know what I'm talking about, Brian.

01:59:04.000 Yes.

01:59:05.000 So now that you're not keto, what are you doing with your diet?

01:59:08.000 Are you trying to be healthy?

01:59:09.000 No, not really.

01:59:11.000 No, but it definitely has made me understand sugar more.

01:59:16.000 Are you still smoking cigarettes?

01:59:17.000 I'm vaping a lot more, but yeah.

01:59:19.000 How much cigarettes do you smoke a day?

01:59:21.000 Half pack.

01:59:23.000 Yeah.

01:59:24.000 But I don't smoke in my car, so my cigarette has gone down.

01:59:29.000 Because of that?

01:59:30.000 Because of that, like 75%.

01:59:31.000 That's good.

01:59:32.000 Yeah.

01:59:33.000 What would you think if we decided to do that as a project?

01:59:35.000 Hire you a trainer and hire you a nutritionist. 0.85

01:59:38.000 Would you be down with that?

01:59:39.000 Sure.

01:59:40.000 Like film it as a project?

01:59:42.000 Yeah.

01:59:43.000 What would you like, what do you weigh now?

01:59:44.000 You don't have to tell everybody, but what would you like to get down to?

01:59:48.000 Well, see, that's the problem.

01:59:49.000 When I got down, what, like 15 years ago or 13 years ago, whenever that, when I, whatever, I think that was like 65 pounds or something, and I just thought I looked like I had AIDS or something.

02:00:01.000 Well, you're just used to yourself looking big.

02:00:03.000 Yeah, but I think some people, like, they have a body shape or look that looks way better with a little chub on them than they do if they look, I don't know.

02:00:13.000 You know what Joey Diaz said when he lost a lot of weight?

02:00:16.000 Remember when he lost a lot of weight? 1.00

02:00:17.000 My fucking head looked too big. 0.99

02:00:18.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

02:00:19.000 But you know what that is?

02:00:20.000 It's like you've got to build up your body.

02:00:22.000 Because something happens to people when they gain weight, your head gets bigger.

02:00:26.000 It's like when people get really heavy, their head gets bigger.

02:00:31.000 Yeah.

02:00:47.000 Now when you're 450 pounds, you're carrying weight everywhere you go.

02:00:51.000 So everything's got to be thick. 0.99

02:00:53.000 Like I always said, if Ralphie May wound up losing all that weight, he'd be able to kick a hole through a fucking wall. 0.99

02:00:58.000 Because that guy's carrying around 500 pounds everywhere he goes. 0.99

02:01:01.000 His leg muscles had to be gigantic. 0.99

02:01:04.000 Like underneath all that, his legs must have been fucking huge. 0.98

02:01:09.000 So if you could just... 0.99

02:01:12.000 Put some muscle on while you're losing the fat.

02:01:15.000 See, that's the difference.

02:01:16.000 When you were on that...

02:01:18.000 You look great then, dude. 1.00

02:01:20.000 Look at you, sexy bitch. 1.00

02:01:22.000 How did you think you looked bad then? 1.00

02:01:24.000 That's an okay picture.

02:01:26.000 Stop it.

02:01:27.000 You're a handsome, beautiful man.

02:01:29.000 How good does he look, Jamie? 0.98

02:01:31.000 You look fucking great there. 0.97

02:01:34.000 I was thinking more of the time when the photo of me and you with that weed guy that died at the 420 Awards. 0.99

02:01:41.000 I just looked like an eight.

02:01:43.000 That's when I was at my lowest.

02:01:45.000 The weed guy that died?

02:01:46.000 The one that has all the... 1.00

02:01:47.000 Shit, I can't even think of his name. 1.00

02:01:49.000 He has weed named after him. 1.00

02:01:50.000 He's very famous.

02:01:51.000 Oh, Jack Herrera.

02:01:53.000 Jack Herrera.

02:01:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:01:53.000 Stroke.

02:01:54.000 Yeah.

02:01:55.000 We were hanging out with him.

02:01:56.000 Me and you.

02:01:57.000 And I just...

02:01:58.000 That's when I was at my...

02:01:59.000 I think I was like 160, 155 or something like that.

02:02:03.000 I don't even remember. 0.77

02:02:04.000 But I just looked like a sick dog.

02:02:06.000 Didn't you feel so light, though, when you move around?

02:02:08.000 I guess so.

02:02:08.000 Like, you could just get places quicker.

02:02:10.000 Like, oh, lighter.

02:02:11.000 Definitely had more energy, that's for sure.

02:02:13.000 Dude, you can do this.

02:02:15.000 What would you think about doing this as a project?

02:02:17.000 Like, we'll announce it on the podcast, we'll start it off.

02:02:20.000 Would you be into doing something like that?

02:02:21.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:02:23.000 Eventually.

02:02:24.000 Not like this month, because I have to go to Australia.

02:02:27.000 Why would I start it now?

02:02:28.000 Well, I have to go to Australia.

02:02:30.000 I'm going to be out of the country.

02:02:31.000 When are you going back?

02:02:32.000 Are you doing Kill Tony out there?

02:02:33.000 Yeah, doing Kill Tony.

02:02:36.000 So this month, I'm on the road.

02:02:38.000 Okay.

02:02:38.000 Well, I'm busy being sober this month, too.

02:02:41.000 It's very difficult for me. 0.94

02:02:43.000 It's fucking surprisingly easy. 0.76

02:02:45.000 It's not hard at all. 0.98

02:02:47.000 I do enjoy a glass of wine with a steak.

02:02:50.000 I do miss that.

02:02:51.000 I like a glass of wine, but it's not that important.

02:02:55.000 It's like a tradition thing.

02:02:57.000 I'm missing something to look forward to.

02:03:00.000 A nice glass of red wine with a steak like a gentleman.

02:03:04.000 I think it's only hard when I'm at the comedy store.

02:03:07.000 Everybody's drinking.

02:03:08.000 It's almost impossible.

02:03:09.000 I do like a shot of whiskey before I go on stage, too.

02:03:13.000 I like that.

02:03:15.000 But I can't.

02:03:18.000 It's almost over.

02:03:19.000 Yeah, it's halfway.

02:03:21.000 It's not even halfway.

02:03:22.000 It's the 10th.

02:03:22.000 One-third.

02:03:23.000 The ninth?

02:03:24.000 Yeah.

02:03:24.000 One-third.

02:03:25.000 Yeah.

02:03:26.000 It's been easy.

02:03:27.000 The weed part's easy.

02:03:28.000 It's really easy.

02:03:29.000 The show's been great.

02:03:31.000 I had a great time last night.

02:03:31.000 I did three shows.

02:03:33.000 I'll tell you one thing, though, that Jeremiah show is not as easy.

02:03:36.000 Stand up on the spot.

02:03:38.000 It's not as easy when you're not high.

02:03:39.000 That's true.

02:03:40.000 When you're high, you can just ramble about nonsense.

02:03:42.000 You come up with bits.

02:03:43.000 I've come up with so many bits from that show, but not when I'm sober. 0.98

02:03:48.000 Last night was basically useless.

02:03:50.000 That's the only show that I purposely do shots, drink, smoke a bunch of weed before I go on.

02:03:56.000 Usually I don't like to get that stoned before I go on stage.

02:03:58.000 No, that's the perfect show to be out of your head.

02:04:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:01.000 He really should listen to you, though, and rename it Thunder Pussy. 1.00

02:04:04.000 That was the best name. 0.99

02:04:05.000 When you called it Thunder Pussy, it was the perfect name for that. 1.00

02:04:07.000 I need to make a new show called Thunder Pussy. 0.98

02:04:11.000 I mean, it's not like he's the only one who's ever done a show that has people just making things up. 0.82

02:04:16.000 And I used to do that at the end of my shows, remember?

02:04:18.000 I used to have people call out, but they would call out things to talk about.

02:04:21.000 And they would yell out subjects, and I would just ramble about them.

02:04:24.000 And occasionally, the reason why I would do it is occasionally, like one every two or three shows, I'd come up with an idea that actually would come up and become a bit.

02:04:33.000 I just remembered something.

02:04:35.000 We were in Dallas last weekend for Kill Tony, and there was a bisexual on stage, and he was talking about how he's bisexual.

02:04:41.000 And a lot of times when people are on stage and on this show, I'll be on my computer typing in bisexual on Spotify or something to see what comes up.

02:04:49.000 And you come up number one or number two on Spotify.

02:04:52.000 If you just type bisexual, it's you. 0.97

02:04:53.000 And so I point to Tony while we're interviewing the guy, and he goes...

02:04:57.000 Like that, I'm like, you know what?

02:04:58.000 I'm going to try to just play.

02:05:00.000 Like, I can't hear anything.

02:05:01.000 Right.

02:05:02.000 So, like, I'll just play, like, because I do sound effects on that.

02:05:05.000 Was it that bit that I used to have?

02:05:06.000 The old one.

02:05:07.000 Don't believe in bisexual men? 0.97

02:05:08.000 Yeah, shiny happy jihad. 0.89

02:05:09.000 And so, I just randomly, like, with my eye, look, oh, it looks like Joe's, you know, yelling something here.

02:05:14.000 And it would be like... 0.95

02:05:15.000 Crafty gay guys! 1.00

02:05:18.000 Or something like that. 0.92

02:05:18.000 And so I started mixing in just random, like picking things. 0.92

02:05:23.000 And then there's a part of the joke where I think you're talking about if you were the gay, the bisexual guy.

02:05:29.000 Because there was one where it was like...

02:05:31.000 So, yeah, I experimented once in a while.

02:05:36.000 That was a different bit.

02:05:37.000 That was a different bit.

02:05:38.000 It's one on Shiny Happy Jihad. 0.99

02:05:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:05:40.000 But it worked so hard.

02:05:42.000 Dude, people were on the floor because it sounded like you were just in the back of the room screaming.

02:05:47.000 Oh, like yelling it out, heckling. 0.64

02:05:49.000 That's a funny thing to, like, if you have one minute on stage, the first thing you're going to talk about is being bisexual.

02:05:54.000 Yeah.

02:05:55.000 Isn't it funny how, like, that becomes, like, for people's identity?

02:05:58.000 Like, their sexuality becomes an important thing about their identity that they want to blur it out to everyone.

02:06:03.000 But, like, if you're heterosexual, nobody does that.

02:06:06.000 Because it's the norm, you know?

02:06:07.000 It's the norm.

02:06:08.000 You don't feel like you have to get it out of the way.

02:06:10.000 You don't say, well, my name's Brian, I really like girls.

02:06:12.000 Right?

02:06:14.000 Everybody would be like, what?

02:06:15.000 Yeah, I'm heterosexual.

02:06:16.000 Yeah.

02:06:17.000 What?

02:06:18.000 But if you say you're bisexual, people are like, oh my god, you're adventurous.

02:06:22.000 Yeah.

02:06:23.000 Exotic.

02:06:23.000 People always tell you when they're bisexual.

02:06:25.000 At least guys.

02:06:26.000 Yeah.

02:06:26.000 Or girls.

02:06:28.000 They love telling you.

02:06:29.000 But it's like a thing they do to get attention.

02:06:31.000 It's like, you know, certain girls, they're always around guys, they just talk about their guy problems.

02:06:36.000 And it's like, oh, groan.

02:06:37.000 I know what you're doing.

02:06:38.000 You're like fishing for saviors. 0.99

02:06:40.000 You're fishing for some guy to come along and send you some dick and fix your problem. 1.00

02:06:45.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

02:06:46.000 Like, some girl's like, God, these guys I date, they just never want to have sex.

02:06:50.000 You know those little bait traps that girls set up? 1.00

02:06:53.000 And you're like, oh my god, who's going to fall for this one?

02:06:57.000 Stop! 1.00

02:06:58.000 You know?

02:06:59.000 You know how it goes, Brian.

02:07:00.000 Of course I do.

02:07:02.000 Hey man, it's 2 o'clock.

02:07:03.000 I've got to wrap this up.

02:07:05.000 Tickets for Australia, are they still available?

02:07:07.000 Yeah, there's some left.

02:07:10.000 Desquad.tv?

02:07:11.000 San Francisco next weekend.

02:07:14.000 You guys at Cobbs?

02:07:14.000 Four shows.

02:07:15.000 Cobbs.

02:07:16.000 Oh, Friday and Saturday?

02:07:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:07:18.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:07:18.000 Two shows each night. 1.00

02:07:19.000 Oh, damn. 0.99

02:07:19.000 It's Kill Tony Mania. 0.99

02:07:21.000 Oh, that's fun.

02:07:21.000 Are you doing stand-up too or just doing Kill Tony?

02:07:23.000 This we're just doing Kill Tony because it's like our yearly...

02:07:28.000 Oh, okay, cool.

02:07:29.000 Is there a lot of comics up in San Francisco?

02:07:30.000 Yeah, and there's a lot of comics that just come down or come up for this.

02:07:34.000 Oh, yeah, for sure, right?

02:07:35.000 From all over the area.

02:07:37.000 Okay, Red Band on Twitter, Red Band on Instagram, anything else?

02:07:42.000 Nope, that's it.

02:07:43.000 Check me out on Ari Shaffir's podcast.

02:07:44.000 I just did a Skeptic Tank.

02:07:46.000 Bye, everybody!

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 09, 2019

Joe Rogan Experience #1364 - Brian Redban

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript