The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1409 - Joey Diaz

00:00:02.000 Get that picture of that fucking monkey I sent you this morning for breakfast. 1.00

00:00:05.000 Who sends you those type of pictures anymore? 1.00

00:00:08.000 The picture you sent me?

00:00:10.000 Yeah. 0.74

00:00:11.000 Of that girl's lovely private parts. 1.00

00:00:14.000 That's the best name for a vagina, a monkey. 1.00

00:00:18.000 I send them to everybody, too. 0.99

00:00:20.000 Presidents of corporations, cops on Monday.

00:00:22.000 Happy Monday.

00:00:24.000 They make their day.

00:00:25.000 Everybody's day is a lot better.

00:00:27.000 Start the day on the right foot.

00:00:29.000 Especially presidents of corporations. 0.96

00:00:31.000 Can you imagine if you had to work in a fucking office for your whole life, as old as we are now, if we were in an office since the time we were like 23, 24 years old, right out of school, just every day, buttoned down, Try not to say anything that's going to get you in trouble. 0.99

00:00:45.000 Just trying to fucking make it to 5 o'clock and then immediately go to a bar and talk shit with your friends and then do it all over again on Monday. 0.99

00:00:53.000 I time it so I know you're in a meeting. 0.99

00:00:57.000 I know that you're in a meeting with eight white dudes and they're real serious about, you know, numbers have to be out, statistics.

00:01:03.000 And all of a sudden your phone rings. 0.99

00:01:05.000 You fucking open it up. 1.00

00:01:07.000 It's a picture of a woman's vagina. 1.00

00:01:09.000 And it breaks up the whole morning. 0.99

00:01:11.000 You're like, thank God Joey Diaz exists because he understands what I'm going through.

00:01:16.000 That's tough.

00:01:17.000 That's tough.

00:01:17.000 Going to sales meetings.

00:01:18.000 I used to go to sales meetings and they'd talk about, dog, do you know I went to Anthony Robbins things?

00:01:23.000 Did you?

00:01:24.000 When I was a burglar, I went to Anthony Robbins things.

00:01:27.000 Did you be a better burglar? 1.00

00:01:28.000 No, and I ended up kidnapping a motherfucker. 1.00

00:01:30.000 He focused me. 1.00

00:01:31.000 I walked on the coals.

00:01:33.000 I was all in with Anthony Robbins.

00:01:34.000 You do know that.

00:01:35.000 Really?

00:01:36.000 Because I worked for a Subaru dealership, so Subaru paid for you to go to Anthony Robbins seminars.

00:01:43.000 So they would give me like three bills for the day for per diem.

00:01:46.000 I would go to Denver and do the Anthony Robbins seminar.

00:01:49.000 Dude, you should be a Subaru spokesperson.

00:01:52.000 Who's more loyal to Subaru than you?

00:01:54.000 Nobody. 1.00

00:01:54.000 You fucking love Subarus. 1.00

00:01:56.000 Love them. 0.99

00:01:57.000 Love them.

00:01:58.000 I just cannot...

00:02:00.000 Because you lived in Boulder.

00:02:01.000 I lived in Aspen.

00:02:03.000 Yes.

00:02:03.000 And I saw vans.

00:02:06.000 I saw every type of high-level car spin around.

00:02:10.000 And you just lose control.

00:02:12.000 Did you ever lose control in Colorado?

00:02:14.000 I didn't, but I did in Boston a bunch of times.

00:02:17.000 It wasn't fun for her. 0.62

00:02:18.000 It's not.

00:02:19.000 Whenever you're driving in snow, it's touch and go.

00:02:21.000 You could get patches of ice.

00:02:23.000 And in Colorado at night, you got a thing called black ice.

00:02:27.000 And, you know, I remember being, I worked at the Crestwood.

00:02:31.000 I was security.

00:02:32.000 And I had to pick people up at the airport at night. 0.68

00:02:35.000 And I fucking did everything I could to get out of that job because one night I was in a van with people doing the speed limit, no alcohol, you know me.

00:02:43.000 I just hit black ice and the thing started spinning and you don't know where you're gonna land. 0.98

00:02:48.000 You have no idea.

00:02:49.000 I was with McGuire once.

00:02:50.000 Chris McGuire and I were on our way to the airport in Ohio and we crossed over a bridge and bridge is where you get it because there's no ground underneath it so things freeze quicker.

00:02:59.000 We went over this bridge and just, whee!

00:03:02.000 Just got lucky.

00:03:03.000 Nothing happened.

00:03:04.000 We both went, alright.

00:03:05.000 You know, it stopped where we were facing the wrong way, but there was no one on the road because it was early.

00:03:09.000 We were headed back to the airport, and we just got packed in wine and just like, okay, I remember this.

00:03:14.000 I remember this.

00:03:14.000 Like, all of a sudden, you got no power.

00:03:16.000 You know, I love German technology.

00:03:18.000 I love the look of a lot of sport cars and everything like that.

00:03:21.000 But when I... There's been nights...

00:03:23.000 Ten years ago, I had a gig in Irvine.

00:03:26.000 And it was raining.

00:03:27.000 One of those January in California just coming down.

00:03:31.000 I mean, you couldn't see in front of you.

00:03:33.000 And cars are pulled over.

00:03:34.000 And I'm doing 75 in the Subaru.

00:03:36.000 Why is a Subaru so good at that?

00:03:38.000 Like, what is the big deal about Subarus?

00:03:40.000 When I first started with...

00:03:41.000 Like, I had never sold a car before.

00:03:43.000 I was a detailer.

00:03:44.000 And I became friends with the guy at Subaru. 0.99

00:03:47.000 And he would bust my balls every day. 0.93

00:03:49.000 His name was Peter Pinto from Florida. 0.99

00:03:52.000 Peter Pinto.

00:03:53.000 He was a little guy.

00:03:54.000 What are you doing watching cars?

00:03:56.000 From Florida, he went all the way up to Colorado?

00:03:58.000 Colorado to sell cars.

00:03:59.000 And he became mad.

00:04:01.000 And I got...

00:04:02.000 I was properly introduced.

00:04:04.000 In those days, they gave you $1,500 the first month and they trained you for two weeks on cars.

00:04:10.000 I knew nothing about the car.

00:04:13.000 When you had that car and the axle fell off, you got rid of it because you're not a car guy.

00:04:18.000 You're not going to get up on Saturdays and go to the store.

00:04:21.000 And find the piece from the 1966 Converter.

00:04:25.000 Some people have that as a hobby. 1.00

00:04:27.000 Those guys love that shit. 1.00

00:04:27.000 Tim Allen, Jay Leno, Gabriel. 1.00

00:04:30.000 I love them for that.

00:04:31.000 I don't have that gift.

00:04:33.000 So when I was introduced to the Subaru, I'm like, yeah, whatever. 0.99

00:04:36.000 It's just another fucking car. 0.99

00:04:39.000 And then I saw snowstorms. 1.00

00:04:42.000 And I saw how people reacted to Subarus. 0.99

00:04:45.000 In Boulder, it's either Subaru or a fucking 4Runner. 0.99

00:04:50.000 That's it. 0.99

00:04:51.000 I'm telling you that's it.

00:04:52.000 Once the snow drops, that September snowstorm, it's Subaru.

00:04:57.000 Subaru's the first car that has an engine sideways.

00:05:01.000 The engine isn't in like usual cars.

00:05:03.000 That was the secret about Subaru.

00:05:06.000 The engine's sideways.

00:05:07.000 I've seen a few engines like that, right?

00:05:09.000 What do they call that?

00:05:10.000 Inline?

00:05:11.000 Is that what it is?

00:05:12.000 Something like that.

00:05:12.000 No, inline is straight, right?

00:05:13.000 That's like a BMW. They have a word for it.

00:05:17.000 Subaru technology started there.

00:05:19.000 And then when I started selling Subarus, it had a GL-10 that I was really impressed with because what it let you do is...

00:05:25.000 If you went up Lee Hill Road, okay, and you made the left to go down into your property, and there was snow, you could press a button and the shock absorbers would fill up.

00:05:39.000 And your car would rise above so you could go through the snow.

00:05:42.000 So all those little things.

00:05:44.000 They had that way back then?

00:05:46.000 1988, 89, the GL10s.

00:05:49.000 The only knock Subaru had was that if you had a stick, you couldn't keep your hand on it.

00:05:55.000 You couldn't keep your hand on the stick.

00:05:57.000 Right, so if I'm driving a stick, boom, I'm in two, two, I'm in three, I gotta kept my hand off it.

00:06:03.000 I could only, the clutch cable.

00:06:05.000 That was the only knock they had.

00:06:07.000 So the clutch cable would break?

00:06:09.000 It would break if you kept your hand on it too long.

00:06:11.000 I had one of those break on me once.

00:06:13.000 Yes, so you have to go one, then two, then three, then four.

00:06:17.000 I had it actually break on me twice.

00:06:18.000 Once I got stuck in second gear and I managed to drive to a parking lot and get towed.

00:06:23.000 I had a 2005 or something like that.

00:06:27.000 2004, 2005 Porsche.

00:06:29.000 It just kept breaking.

00:06:32.000 The thing that kept breaking was that thing with the clutch and also the fuel pump.

00:06:37.000 See, that was a GL-10 sedan.

00:06:40.000 I'm talking about the wagon, the duded-up wagon.

00:06:42.000 It was just a brilliant automobile.

00:06:45.000 And then I started selling Toyotas.

00:06:47.000 Those things are still on the road, dude.

00:06:49.000 They're still on the road, guys.

00:06:50.000 And this is what I'm saying about the American dollar.

00:06:52.000 I like the Subaru because I respect what they do with the American dollar.

00:06:57.000 What do they do?

00:06:57.000 They give you a dollar's worth for a dollar.

00:07:00.000 Oh, right, right.

00:07:00.000 They really do.

00:07:01.000 For the American who's really looking for a fucking car to last. 0.99

00:07:05.000 I've gone into Douglas Toyota and have seen trucks with a half a million miles on them. 1.00

00:07:12.000 On a Toyota truck.

00:07:14.000 That says a lot.

00:07:15.000 When you're an American, you're a construction guy, you know, you're putting in bids and blah, blah, blah.

00:07:20.000 Do you know Matt Farah?

00:07:21.000 Do I know him?

00:07:22.000 Smoking Tire?

00:07:23.000 Do you know that dude?

00:07:23.000 No.

00:07:24.000 He's a big fan of yours.

00:07:25.000 He loves comedy.

00:07:26.000 He's got this great YouTube channel.

00:07:28.000 It's all about cars.

00:07:30.000 And they had a car, a Lexus, that they took to a million miles.

00:07:34.000 He had a million mile Lexus.

00:07:35.000 Now, who makes Lexus at the end of the day? 0.94

00:07:37.000 Toyota. 0.99

00:07:37.000 What the fuck are we talking about? 0.99

00:07:39.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 0.99

00:07:40.000 I've had three Lexuses over the course of my life.

00:07:43.000 Never had a single problem.

00:07:44.000 Zero problems.

00:07:44.000 They just work.

00:07:46.000 They always work.

00:07:47.000 They just work.

00:07:48.000 All cars are so amazing now.

00:07:49.000 It's like the bar is set so high that if you just get a Mustang GT, just a Mustang GT today, which is very reasonable. 0.99

00:08:00.000 I think a Ford Mustang GT, tell me how much one of those fucking things cost. 0.95

00:08:04.000 But it's got performance that you couldn't even imagine 20 years ago. 0.99

00:08:09.000 And it's probably under $50,000.

00:08:11.000 It's probably $40,000.

00:08:12.000 How much are those?

00:08:14.000 Starts at 26. 26!

00:08:16.000 26,000?

00:08:17.000 Is that for the regular Mustang or the GT? I typed in GT, but it says regular.

00:08:22.000 Okay, so I think the regular one might have a six-cylinder.

00:08:25.000 I'm not sure.

00:08:26.000 I think they still do that.

00:08:27.000 I might be wrong about that.

00:08:29.000 Premium Fastback starts at 39. Okay, and that's the one with the V8, right?

00:08:34.000 That's the Coyote V8. It's a five-liter V8. It's fucking wicked powerful, like 460 horsepower.

00:08:42.000 I mean, the power that you get with... 0.98

00:08:45.000 $40,000, $45,000 today.

00:08:47.000 It's just insane.

00:08:48.000 They keep getting better and better and better. 1.00

00:08:50.000 It's like, where are they going to go with these fucking things? 0.99

00:08:51.000 And the leases are great. 0.99

00:08:53.000 Oh, yeah.

00:08:53.000 The leases are great.

00:08:55.000 The deals they're giving you now, I mean, a buddy of mine just bought a car and he got a point and a half, whatever, interest rate, whatever, you know, for a point and a half mediocre credit.

00:09:08.000 It's a time to buy a car.

00:09:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:09:10.000 Get whatever the fuck you want. 0.98

00:09:11.000 All cars are good now. 0.99

00:09:12.000 That's the thing. 0.97

00:09:13.000 It's like, you can't make a shitty car anymore. 1.00

00:09:15.000 Like, America went through a time period where we just made dogshit cars. 0.99

00:09:19.000 And everybody knew that they broke. 0.88

00:09:21.000 And everybody was like, look, if you buy American cars, you're going to buy something that's going to cost the same amount, but it's not going to last as long.

00:09:27.000 And the Japanese just took the Germans. 0.96

00:09:29.000 They just took it over.

00:09:30.000 They took it over.

00:09:30.000 And then Lee Iacocca...

00:09:32.000 Brought it back with the K car.

00:09:34.000 You know what's the most hilarious country though for cars?

00:09:37.000 My people.

00:09:38.000 The Italians. 0.76

00:09:39.000 Don't get me started.

00:09:39.000 They never made a single car that's reliable.

00:09:41.000 Don't even get me started.

00:09:42.000 Remember we had the conversation about my buddy who had the Italian car.

00:09:46.000 He went crazy.

00:09:48.000 I'm going to keep it in my roots.

00:09:50.000 The car is still in his garage, bro. 1.00

00:09:54.000 Rusty, fucking the Bugatti or whatever the fuck. 0.99

00:09:57.000 Apparently the new ones you can drive. 1.00

00:09:59.000 Like a new one, they're actually reliable.

00:10:01.000 For two weeks.

00:10:02.000 No, no, no.

00:10:03.000 The new ones apparently.

00:10:04.000 It's like everything else.

00:10:05.000 They got to a point where they just had to have better electronics.

00:10:08.000 Do you remember the Triumph?

00:10:09.000 Yes, I do.

00:10:10.000 The Triumph.

00:10:11.000 We grew up on the Triumph, the thing by Volkswagen.

00:10:14.000 I don't remember that one.

00:10:16.000 The thing by Volkswagen.

00:10:17.000 Was that their little van thing?

00:10:18.000 It was a little van thing.

00:10:21.000 There's like 10 left.

00:10:22.000 If you got a thing, somebody will give you a million dollars.

00:10:25.000 Really?

00:10:25.000 They had a Subaru made a car called the Justy.

00:10:28.000 Oh, that's it?

00:10:28.000 Wow.

00:10:29.000 That's the thing.

00:10:30.000 Subaru made a car called the Justy, a three-cylinder.

00:10:33.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

00:10:34.000 Just to compete with Hyundai.

00:10:36.000 When Hyundai came out with the Muttmobile in 87, Hyundai changed the game.

00:10:41.000 Hyundai came out with the Astana or whatever that little four-door car is, 160, you know, 150 down, 150 a month, busted the car industry.

00:10:52.000 Subaru had to compete.

00:10:54.000 Everybody had to drop those tin cans just to compete. 0.98

00:10:57.000 There was a lot of people driving those Hyundais when they first came out. 1.00

00:11:00.000 Fuck it! 1.00

00:11:01.000 Because they were so cheap. 1.00

00:11:01.000 A buddy of mine got money. 1.00

00:11:03.000 $150 a month.

00:11:04.000 You know, all day long.

00:11:06.000 A buddy of mine got money that I used to drive, deliver papers with. 0.99

00:11:10.000 And he was telling me, he's like, look, these fucking Koreans, man, when they get into something, they know what they're doing. 1.00

00:11:16.000 Like, if they're going to jump into the car market, that's a disciplined group of people. 0.99

00:11:20.000 If they're going to jump into the car market, they're going to make a badass car. 0.68

00:11:23.000 They're very reliable.

00:11:24.000 Mitsubishi, for example.

00:11:27.000 People hate Mitsubishi.

00:11:29.000 Why do they hate Mitsubishi?

00:11:30.000 Because Mitsubishi made the parts that were in the Meg that the Americans went up against in World War II. Oh, really?

00:11:37.000 So if you try to sell a fucking... 1.00

00:11:39.000 Those guys are all gone. 1.00

00:11:42.000 Rest in peace.

00:11:43.000 But when you sold a car to a guy that did the reading on...

00:11:47.000 There were certain Chryslers. 1.00

00:11:49.000 That had Mitsubishi parts on it.

00:11:51.000 Ford had Mitsubishi parts on it because Mitsubishi is like the greatest, biggest thing of car parts.

00:11:58.000 So everybody has Mitsubishi parts on their car.

00:12:01.000 Something belongs to Mitsubishi.

00:12:03.000 So if you had a Mitsubishi, you were a bad person?

00:12:06.000 No, no, no, no.

00:12:07.000 So when most, some Americans, old school veterans, you know those guys that wear the jackets with the hat, when they come to see a car, if you show them a Chrysler, a certain type of Chrysler, they go, nah. 0.99

00:12:20.000 They got a Mitsubishi fucking tailpipe. 0.99

00:12:24.000 That makes sense. 1.00

00:12:25.000 That's how pissed off they were.

00:12:26.000 Of course.

00:12:27.000 Because the Megs would shoot down the Americans or something. 0.99

00:12:29.000 It was some historic thing.

00:12:32.000 But then Mitsubishi got into the business.

00:12:35.000 Mitsubishi busted along in like the 80s, the late 80s. 0.99

00:12:38.000 They came out with that fucking car, the Eclipse. 0.99

00:12:42.000 Remember the Eclipse? 1.00

00:12:43.000 I remember that. 1.00

00:12:44.000 Hot little fucking car. 0.99

00:12:46.000 I had a Mitsubishi at one point. 1.00

00:12:47.000 I had a Starion.

00:12:48.000 Remember that?

00:12:48.000 Yeah, I remember that I had a Mitsubishi because they were cheap.

00:12:51.000 You know, you go into Toyota plants to buy a Toyota and you're a mutt. 1.00

00:12:56.000 You didn't pay the water bill.

00:12:57.000 To speak to that, Dodge used to sell their version of the Starion.

00:13:02.000 It was the Conquest.

00:13:04.000 Dodge had the Conquest TSI, and it was their version of the Starion.

00:13:09.000 It was the same car.

00:13:10.000 It was one of the rare times in history where two car companies have the exact same car.

00:13:15.000 The exact same car.

00:13:17.000 One was the Conquest, one was the Starion.

00:13:19.000 That was it.

00:13:20.000 Yes.

00:13:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:13:22.000 That red one right there looks exactly like my buddy Jimmy Detelios.

00:13:25.000 My buddy Jimmy had one exactly like that.

00:13:29.000 When we were like 21. This is why it's very hard for a guy like me to fall for fads, especially for cars.

00:13:36.000 Because I've seen a lot of fads.

00:13:37.000 I remember the Suzuki Samurai. 1.00

00:13:39.000 How many motherfuckers killed the Suzuki Samurai? 0.99

00:13:42.000 It was like the scooter. 1.00

00:13:43.000 You know these jerk-offs at the scooters today thinking that they're cool?

00:13:47.000 The Suzuki Samurai came around and it started tipping over.

00:13:52.000 The thing started tipping over.

00:13:54.000 Well, people try to take corners with them as if it's like a sports car.

00:13:58.000 The thing weighed eight pounds.

00:14:00.000 I had friends tipping them over. 1.00

00:14:01.000 They were made of fucking tin. 0.99

00:14:03.000 And they were $150 down, you know, $150 a month. 0.99

00:14:08.000 And for fucking an extra $25, I had a guy with a fan. 0.98

00:14:11.000 Because he would die in these things. 0.99

00:14:13.000 People were dying. 1.00

00:14:14.000 What the fuck is that thing, James? 1.00

00:14:16.000 They sell these in the Studio City. 1.00

00:14:18.000 What is it?

00:14:19.000 It's an electric car that's like a one-seater.

00:14:21.000 It's a three-wheel, one-seater car.

00:14:22.000 Electra Mechanica?

00:14:24.000 Yeah, I don't know how to say it.

00:14:25.000 I think that's it.

00:14:26.000 Electra, yeah. 1.00

00:14:26.000 Dad, it's crazy, and it's a one-person car? 1.00

00:14:28.000 Yeah, it's a Canadian apartment car.

00:14:29.000 You know what's good about that car?

00:14:30.000 Bro.

00:14:31.000 It doubles as a casket. 1.00

00:14:33.000 That's what's great about that fucking car, that your family saves 10 Gs by a casket. 1.00

00:14:38.000 They just bury you in that fucking thing. 0.99

00:14:40.000 But if you think about it, if you have to get around everywhere, and it's just you most days, and something like this is cheap, what is the difference between being in that and being in a big truck with all that fucking empty space? 1.00

00:14:51.000 Because you look like a fucking idiot in that fucking thing. 1.00

00:14:55.000 You ever drive past one of these idiots, and you're at a light, and you actually look at him, and you're like, in his mind... 1.00

00:15:02.000 He's stinking. 1.00

00:15:03.000 He's the coolest guy in the fucking world. 1.00

00:15:05.000 That guy thinks he's fucking Ricky Gervais. 0.99

00:15:08.000 That guy's actually a cool looking one. 0.99

00:15:09.000 Look at that front hood scoop.

00:15:11.000 Joe, that's a casket.

00:15:13.000 Is that the headlight?

00:15:15.000 No, it's a hood scoop.

00:15:16.000 Is that their high beams?

00:15:17.000 What is that?

00:15:17.000 I don't think it looks like headlights, but...

00:15:19.000 I think that's actually a real hood scoop for some strangers.

00:15:22.000 There's a plastic piece over it.

00:15:23.000 Yeah, what is that?

00:15:24.000 Is that clear plastic over it?

00:15:25.000 Is that what I'm looking at?

00:15:26.000 Could be because it's inside, but I don't know.

00:15:28.000 So crazy.

00:15:29.000 That's like the RX-7.

00:15:30.000 The RX-7 was a casket for two.

00:15:32.000 Was it?

00:15:33.000 Remember the Mazda RX-7?

00:15:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:15:35.000 I fucking hated that car. 0.99

00:15:37.000 You know why, though? 0.99

00:15:38.000 Why?

00:15:38.000 Because I was coming home on January 1st, and I was one of the first people on the site.

00:15:45.000 And I was, I don't know, I don't want to say, I was tripping on something.

00:15:49.000 I was on some type of drug, but I wasn't over the hill.

00:15:52.000 I was still alert.

00:15:54.000 And we were like maybe the third car there.

00:15:56.000 And it was a Mazda that had hit a pole.

00:15:59.000 Head on, and it was split down the middle, all the way to the windshield.

00:16:04.000 And I could hear the girl yelling. 0.99

00:16:06.000 Oh my god.

00:16:07.000 And we were there.

00:16:08.000 The fire department came, ambulance, a couple heroes trying to get him out.

00:16:12.000 He was dead on arrival.

00:16:15.000 They saw the car and that's why I don't like those little cars.

00:16:19.000 They're caskets.

00:16:20.000 That's the caskets.

00:16:22.000 In those days and after that I never got an RX-7.

00:16:25.000 My buddy the devil had an RX-7.

00:16:27.000 Were they the ones with the rotary engine?

00:16:30.000 I don't know.

00:16:32.000 There's a sports car company that uniquely has a rotary engine.

00:16:36.000 It's a different kind of engine.

00:16:38.000 It's not like cylinders.

00:16:40.000 Is that it?

00:16:41.000 It is Mazda?

00:16:43.000 Yeah, they got a different kind of engine, John.

00:16:45.000 Mazda's a good car.

00:16:46.000 Dude, I drove one of the more modern Mazdas in like 2000, maybe? 0.99

00:16:53.000 No.

00:16:54.000 No, it was like 90s.

00:16:56.000 Okay, it was before I moved to California.

00:16:59.000 See, look at that thing. 0.98

00:17:00.000 That's how the engine works. 0.98

00:17:03.000 Instead of having a bunch of pistons, it's got this big fucking thing in the middle of it. 0.95

00:17:10.000 I wish I understood engines to know why this is that different. 0.93

00:17:14.000 No, regular engines have the things that go like this.

00:17:18.000 Pistons.

00:17:19.000 Real car people must be going crazy right now.

00:17:21.000 I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, it's been years. 0.99

00:17:23.000 They don't know shit. 0.97

00:17:24.000 So we're watching this video that says Mazda RX-7, rotary engine, how it works. 0.99

00:17:28.000 And it's describing how it works in a very strange video where you're watching this thing rolling around inside of an oval, it looks like, a big oval engine container.

00:17:38.000 It's very different.

00:17:41.000 But it's very fast.

00:17:43.000 It was the one that this guy had.

00:17:45.000 I guess, like I'm saying, I think it's 93 or something like that.

00:17:48.000 It was really fast.

00:17:49.000 And it really handled really well, too.

00:17:52.000 But it was a very light car.

00:17:55.000 These things are weird, man.

00:17:57.000 Like, rotary engine, that's weird.

00:17:59.000 Like, how come nobody else adopted that?

00:18:01.000 But it looks like a badass watch, you know?

00:18:04.000 See, I didn't have a car education.

00:18:07.000 But by selling cars in Boulder...

00:18:11.000 I learned a lot.

00:18:12.000 Now I forget that stuff, I'm not going to lie to you, because the level of intelligence in Boulder from the university, when they would come in, remember Boulder, at the end of the day, University of Colorado is where you're going to be an astronaut.

00:18:26.000 You know that.

00:18:26.000 Is that where it is?

00:18:27.000 Like, that's heavy duty Boulder.

00:18:30.000 They have like a whole thing back there.

00:18:32.000 So those people move into town between them.

00:18:35.000 And the Japanese that move there, they come to Subaru and they ask very intelligent questions.

00:18:41.000 Completely different than a guy like you, me, or Jamie would ask. 0.97

00:18:44.000 Are you saying we're dumb? 0.97

00:18:46.000 Yes, compared to what they'd ask. 0.98

00:18:49.000 Like what kind of questions?

00:18:51.000 You know, velocity, this, that, this, and I'd have to find these answers for them.

00:18:59.000 Because they were like astronauts.

00:19:00.000 I'd have to go in.

00:19:02.000 There was no computers in 88 like that I could go on.

00:19:06.000 So I'd have to go on a brochure.

00:19:08.000 And really go into it and then they'd take the calculator out.

00:19:13.000 Really?

00:19:13.000 Those type of people.

00:19:15.000 So that's why I remember learning as much as I could because they were so intelligent.

00:19:21.000 When they'd come over, especially the Japanese guys, they couldn't speak that good English. 1.00

00:19:26.000 But they would look at cars.

00:19:27.000 What's this?

00:19:28.000 What's the weight?

00:19:30.000 That's what's really amazing if you stop and think about the creation of cars and how they've evolved and they keep getting better.

00:19:35.000 For a long time they did it without the internet.

00:19:37.000 Long time.

00:19:38.000 Long time.

00:19:38.000 Some of the greatest cars ever created.

00:19:40.000 Pre-internet.

00:19:42.000 You know?

00:19:43.000 Just think about all the various forms of sports cars and 911s.

00:19:50.000 All those different Corvettes that came out. 0.99

00:19:52.000 All that shit was before the internet. 0.95

00:19:54.000 They were just looking at each other's pictures and looking at magazines and everyone was competing against each other to have the best handling car, the best looking car, best fuel efficiency. 0.99

00:20:04.000 Things kept shifting over the years.

00:20:05.000 Like for 10 years in America, they didn't make anything good.

00:20:09.000 For 10 years.

00:20:11.000 What were the years?

00:20:12.000 It was the years from American muscle cars.

00:20:15.000 When I say anything good, I mean like something that like...

00:20:18.000 A muscle car lover, other than the Trans Am.

00:20:20.000 The Trans Am is the exception to the rule. 0.97

00:20:22.000 Trans Am, they made some, you know, those Smokey and the Bandit cars that people to this day still want.

00:20:27.000 That was in the 70s.

00:20:29.000 But from the 1960s, like say 65-ish, To like 70, America couldn't be touched.

00:20:37.000 Those muscle cars were insane.

00:20:39.000 They just kept pumping out cooler and cooler shapes.

00:20:43.000 What did Steve McQueen drive?

00:20:45.000 He drove a 1968 Fastback Mustang. 0.99

00:20:48.000 Is that a bad motherfucker? 0.99

00:20:49.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:20:49.000 How bad of a motherfucker is that car? 1.00

00:20:51.000 It's a beautiful car. 1.00

00:20:53.000 The design is...

00:20:54.000 The back end of a 68 Mustang is one of the most underrated forms in all of automotive design.

00:21:00.000 That's a 68 Shelby.

00:21:02.000 That's different.

00:21:03.000 That's a GT500. It's a totally different shape.

00:21:06.000 The Shelby had a completely different set of rear taillights.

00:21:08.000 They had altered quite a bit about the Shelby, like the way it looks in the front end as well.

00:21:15.000 This regular 68 Mustang, it just has this beautiful like contoured rear end.

00:21:20.000 Look at that.

00:21:21.000 Look at that.

00:21:21.000 That green car.

00:21:22.000 That's like a real modern-looking, updated version of it.

00:21:26.000 Real pretty, you know?

00:21:27.000 With a phenomenal deep green paint job.

00:21:30.000 But look how good that rear looks.

00:21:32.000 That's what he drove. 1.00

00:21:33.000 That's what he drove, motherfucker. 1.00

00:21:34.000 Look at that. 1.00

00:21:35.000 That is Americana, baby. 1.00

00:21:37.000 Look at the tail end of that fucking vehicle, man, with the chrome and the chrome bumpers and the red headlights and the black behind. 1.00

00:21:46.000 Look at that fucking car, man. 1.00

00:21:48.000 No seatbelt. 1.00

00:21:50.000 Well, they had those ones around your waist.

00:21:52.000 Yeah, like in the back.

00:21:53.000 You had no seatbelt.

00:21:54.000 No, there's no seatbelt in the back. 1.00

00:21:55.000 You bounced around like a fucking rock back then. 0.99

00:21:57.000 How many horsepower? 1.00

00:21:59.000 Not that much!

00:22:00.000 Not that much, man.

00:22:01.000 A really powerful car back then had like 350 horsepower.

00:22:05.000 Like, let's find out.

00:22:06.000 What was the 1968 GT500 that was their most powerful one?

00:22:11.000 I'm going to imagine this had like 400 horsepower.

00:22:15.000 Say 1968, just Shelby GT 500 horsepower.

00:22:21.000 1968 Shelby GT. What they would do is they take it to Carroll Shelby.

00:22:26.000 Carol Shelby would take the regular Mustang and just juice it the fuck up. 1.00

00:22:30.000 More power, better handling, better looks.

00:22:34.000 Here it goes.

00:22:35.000 400. Perfect.

00:22:36.000 Now, who were they competing with?

00:22:39.000 This is Ford, right?

00:22:41.000 Yeah.

00:22:41.000 They were competing against the Camaro at this point because they made a larger car.

00:22:45.000 And the Corvette.

00:22:46.000 Sort of.

00:22:46.000 The Corvette was a little bit of a different category because it was a pure sports car where this car had back seats.

00:22:52.000 So that's a 400 horsepower.

00:22:55.000 So, compared to the Mustang of today, the regular GT, forget about the new one.

00:23:01.000 They have a new GT500 that has like 760 horsepower.

00:23:06.000 The new GT500 goes zero to 60 in like three seconds.

00:23:09.000 It's a monster car.

00:23:10.000 Which one were they making for that movie that just came out?

00:23:13.000 I didn't see it.

00:23:13.000 The Ford vs Ferrari.

00:23:14.000 Oh.

00:23:15.000 For the Le Mans.

00:23:16.000 I don't know.

00:23:17.000 I think that's what it was for.

00:23:17.000 I think, was that about race cars?

00:23:19.000 I didn't see that movie.

00:23:19.000 Yeah, it was about, it was Shelby.

00:23:21.000 It was him making that car, I think.

00:23:22.000 Like, they had two weeks to make it or two days to make it. 0.98

00:23:24.000 I don't fucking know. 0.97

00:23:25.000 I didn't see the movie. 0.99

00:23:26.000 Well, probably for the movie they juiced that up, right?

00:23:28.000 I don't know.

00:23:30.000 I thought they were race cars, though.

00:23:31.000 I didn't think they were like these kind of cars.

00:23:33.000 This is like a GT car.

00:23:35.000 I don't know, though.

00:23:36.000 I guess it's the GT500, maybe.

00:23:38.000 That's what that was for.

00:23:39.000 I think it's not even the GT500. I think it's the GT40, which is their race car.

00:23:44.000 I'm pretty sure I saw it in the...

00:23:46.000 I didn't see the movie.

00:23:47.000 I thought you would have known.

00:23:47.000 I thought you might have saw it.

00:23:48.000 I think it's a different GT. I think it's their actual race car, race car.

00:23:52.000 But the new one, this Shelby has a new GT500. It's a ridiculous car. 0.86

00:23:58.000 It's faster around tracks than the new Corvette. 0.96

00:24:01.000 They have a new Corvette, this crazy rear-engined, mid-engined Corvette.

00:24:06.000 It's their newest Corvette.

00:24:07.000 It's the best Corvette ever.

00:24:08.000 And this GT500 is even faster than that.

00:24:11.000 It's bonkers.

00:24:12.000 Yeah, GT40. Yeah, it's a different kind of car.

00:24:15.000 That's a car that's only for the racetrack. 0.84

00:24:18.000 These guys, you could buy a Shelby GT500 today.

00:24:22.000 You walk out of a dealer's showroom, hi, hi, do you know how to drive?

00:24:26.000 Yes, sir, here's my license. 1.00

00:24:27.000 You don't have to hardly know shit. 0.99

00:24:29.000 And they'll let you just drive home in one of the most preposterous automobiles ever offered to man. 0.99

00:24:37.000 You can just go right into a Ford dealership, and if you have the, I'm going to say a Shelby GT500 today, $80,000?

00:24:45.000 How much does that cost?

00:24:46.000 A brand new Shelby GT500. Wait, I gotta go pee real quick.

00:24:50.000 You gotta pee?

00:24:50.000 Already?

00:24:51.000 What happened?

00:24:53.000 Okay.

00:24:57.000 How much does one of those cost?

00:25:03.000 $72,900.

00:25:04.000 That's crazy!

00:25:05.000 760 horsepower.

00:25:07.000 So, for $72,000, $73,000, you can buy a car that is so fast.

00:25:14.000 If you really can know that there's a difference between the speed of that and then the next car after that, the next car that's more powerful, you really should be in jail.

00:25:23.000 That's kind of cool.

00:25:24.000 It has a...

00:25:25.000 LCD. Oh, it's dope as fuck. 1.00

00:25:27.000 Changing cluster for your screens. 0.99

00:25:30.000 Well, a lot of cars are doing that now because they can get so much more information in front of you instead of just the standard gauges.

00:25:36.000 But dude, there's still something about them.

00:25:38.000 Standard gauges.

00:25:39.000 Did you see the Mustang electric car?

00:25:41.000 Yes.

00:25:42.000 Not bad.

00:25:43.000 It's not bad at all.

00:25:43.000 It's like a fat Mustang, right?

00:25:45.000 Yeah.

00:25:46.000 It's interesting, right? 0.94

00:25:48.000 They're using the Mustang name for other shit now. 0.95

00:25:50.000 That's controversial. 0.95

00:25:51.000 That could cause a problem. 0.82

00:25:53.000 Why don't I just come up with another name?

00:25:55.000 That's not a Mustang.

00:25:56.000 You know that's not a Mustang.

00:25:57.000 That's an SUV. Yeah, what about it makes it a Mustang if it's electric?

00:26:00.000 Right.

00:26:00.000 Why are you doing that?

00:26:01.000 They're talking about doing that with Corvette, too.

00:26:04.000 That Corvette could branch off and become a brand like Cadillac is.

00:26:08.000 You know, Cadillac is a brand.

00:26:10.000 It's, you know, it's synonymous with luxury.

00:26:13.000 You think of Cadillacs, but it's a GM car.

00:26:17.000 And if they decide to take the Corvette model and just make it a brand, and so have dope SUVs, like fast, racy SUVs, fast, racy four-door sedans...

00:26:28.000 Hey, whatever sells cars, man, because...

00:26:30.000 Did you see that Tesla's now valued as much as GM and Ford together, combined?

00:26:35.000 Yeah, whoops, guys. 1.00

00:26:36.000 Fucking dummies, he's a super genius. 1.00

00:26:38.000 Just back off. 1.00

00:26:42.000 It's hilarious, right?

00:26:43.000 Yeah, it's still going up today, like...

00:26:45.000 Guy makes amazing cars. 1.00

00:26:47.000 He makes amazing fucking cars. 1.00

00:26:50.000 We're talking about Elon Musk. 1.00

00:26:51.000 Tesla is worth more today than...

00:26:53.000 What is it?

00:26:54.000 What's the stock?

00:26:54.000 GM and Ford.

00:26:55.000 It's over $500 now, but the market value is...

00:26:58.000 They're combined.

00:26:59.000 Yeah, and everybody was saying it was going to fall apart.

00:27:01.000 I think it's a beautiful car, guys, but I've got to give it more time. 0.99

00:27:04.000 Especially the self-driving shit. 0.96

00:27:06.000 My buddy has the... 1.00

00:27:07.000 It's beautiful.

00:27:09.000 He's got the electronic one.

00:27:11.000 Which one?

00:27:11.000 The one you plug in.

00:27:12.000 Which one, though?

00:27:13.000 I don't know.

00:27:14.000 Is it Tesla?

00:27:14.000 Yeah, that's gorgeous.

00:27:16.000 But he was telling me to go to San Diego.

00:27:18.000 You gotta stop in Common City and plug it in for 20 minutes and sit there like a bump on a log.

00:27:23.000 Yep, you do.

00:27:24.000 You know, there's just so many different charging places.

00:27:27.000 I took an Uber a couple weeks ago.

00:27:30.000 I got into a car that was just amazing that blew me away. 1.00

00:27:33.000 A fucking Honda Accord Hybrid. 0.99

00:27:38.000 So they're making everything. 1.00

00:27:40.000 Accord, they make some nice Accords.

00:27:42.000 Accords are beautiful.

00:27:43.000 You get in a Honda, you get in a...

00:27:46.000 Toyota sometimes.

00:27:47.000 Not Toyota as much, but Mitsubishi.

00:27:50.000 What's the other one?

00:27:51.000 Hyundai.

00:27:52.000 When you close the door, there's a lightness in the metal.

00:27:56.000 That's where you see the, you know, there's a lightness.

00:27:58.000 It closes a certain way. 0.99

00:28:00.000 When I get in your fucking Porsche and I close it, that makes a certain noise, you know? 0.99

00:28:05.000 It's a distinct noise. 0.99

00:28:06.000 You've never been in my little tiny one.

00:28:09.000 I got a 1993 964. It's a real light car, but the metal in it is so much thicker.

00:28:16.000 Thicker than any metal you've ever used today.

00:28:19.000 I like all that.

00:28:19.000 This door is like a chunk.

00:28:21.000 When you close the door, it's like a chunk.

00:28:23.000 You could feel the weight to it.

00:28:25.000 You feel when you tap the fenders, too.

00:28:27.000 There's no give.

00:28:28.000 It's a different structure.

00:28:30.000 Totally different.

00:28:30.000 So I was blown away even by the Honda Accord Hybrid, you know, what we're paying for gas.

00:28:36.000 I mean, it's just a great little car.

00:28:38.000 I'm looking at a couple different options.

00:28:40.000 I was in Huntington Beach.

00:28:41.000 You're thinking about going away from Subaru?

00:28:43.000 Adding something to my collection just because...

00:28:47.000 You need to get a Cadillac.

00:28:48.000 I've always said you need a Cadillac. 1.00

00:28:51.000 That Cadillac is a badass motherfucker. 0.99

00:28:53.000 You should be a Cadillac man. 0.99

00:28:54.000 That dude gave me a ride last week.

00:28:57.000 I was in Huntington Beach and I took a special Uber, an Uber special.

00:29:01.000 And it was that Cadillac.

00:29:02.000 And he told me exactly how he got it.

00:29:05.000 What the scam is with them, how to do it.

00:29:08.000 He hasn't had a problem.

00:29:10.000 The battery died, and that's their main knock.

00:29:14.000 The batteries died?

00:29:15.000 That one day you wake up, I gotta go to the comedy store, my battery's dead. 1.00

00:29:18.000 I'll fucking choke you, Joe Rogan. 1.00

00:29:20.000 I'll choke you. 1.00

00:29:21.000 I get in my Subaru, the battery's never dead. 0.95

00:29:23.000 I wonder if they're more reliable now.

00:29:25.000 I don't know anything about them.

00:29:27.000 I've never owned one, but I've rented a ton of them. 0.98

00:29:29.000 Fucking gorgeous. 0.98

00:29:29.000 That's a beautiful car. 0.98

00:29:30.000 And when you sit in it, you're tight.

00:29:31.000 What model is that?

00:29:33.000 CTS. That's a CTS? CTS-V. Is that what that is?

00:29:36.000 Yes. 1.00

00:29:37.000 That's a beautiful fucking car, man. 1.00

00:29:38.000 Look at that front end. 0.99

00:29:39.000 The design is just so, it's so interesting.

00:29:43.000 After I left here the last time, or the last two times, the guy reached out and said he would give me one.

00:29:48.000 You need a Cadillac!

00:29:49.000 For $5.60 a month, at least.

00:29:52.000 Take it!

00:29:53.000 Joey, I want to see you strolling around in a Cadillac.

00:29:56.000 I would love it.

00:29:57.000 Bumping Biggie.

00:29:58.000 Ha ha ha!

00:29:59.000 I can't do it. 0.96

00:30:01.000 And the Subaru I love that I have, but people are like, dog, why are you driving a lesbian car? 1.00

00:30:07.000 People always say that shit to me. 1.00

00:30:09.000 And it hurts my feelings. 1.00

00:30:10.000 Like, why are you driving a lesbian car? 1.00

00:30:12.000 Dog, it's not a lesbian car. 1.00

00:30:13.000 It's a fucking Subaru, man. 1.00

00:30:14.000 You love a reliable car. 1.00

00:30:15.000 I respect that about you.

00:30:17.000 I want to get in the car and start it.

00:30:19.000 I don't want to be in service.

00:30:20.000 I don't think these things are unreliable anymore.

00:30:22.000 You know, I got free service. 0.86

00:30:24.000 You know, the warranties they give you now are fucking, you know, Volkswagen, which nobody buys. 0.97

00:30:30.000 Look at that, Joey. 0.98

00:30:31.000 What is that?

00:30:32.000 That's a Cadillac.

00:30:35.000 CTSV. Look at that fucking car. 1.00

00:30:37.000 Is that the coupe? 1.00

00:30:38.000 I don't know.

00:30:38.000 Is that a four-door?

00:30:39.000 It's hard to tell because the picture's so dark.

00:30:41.000 Yeah, there's four doors on that.

00:30:42.000 That's a four-door?

00:30:44.000 That's two.

00:30:45.000 Yeah, see that little rear window?

00:30:47.000 That's not like a full window.

00:30:49.000 Wow, that's a beautiful car, man.

00:30:51.000 They make some killer... 1.00

00:30:52.000 You know what's a killer fucking car right now if you want an SUV? A Lincoln Navigator. 1.00

00:30:57.000 The new one is insane.

00:30:58.000 I wonder what happened to Lincoln.

00:31:00.000 Are they still in business?

00:31:01.000 They only make the Navigator and then they make one or two other luxury coupes.

00:31:09.000 Lincoln made some beautiful cars when I was a kid.

00:31:11.000 Their cars now are very nice.

00:31:12.000 Gorgeous.

00:31:13.000 Then they went away.

00:31:15.000 The Lincoln Continental was big.

00:31:17.000 They sold 10 million of those to limo drivers.

00:31:20.000 Then they stopped production on them, so I didn't know what was going on with Lincoln Continental.

00:31:25.000 They just tapped out. 1.00

00:31:26.000 You know what's the shit? 1.00

00:31:27.000 Is those 1965's with the suicide doors? 1.00

00:31:31.000 Come on, son.

00:31:33.000 You know?

00:31:34.000 I'm never that bold.

00:31:35.000 I could not buy one of those cars. 1.00

00:31:36.000 You go rolling around in one of those 1965 Lincoln Continentals with the suicide doors, like holy shit. 0.99

00:31:43.000 What did the Green Hornet drive? 0.99

00:31:45.000 Did he drive a Continental?

00:31:46.000 See what he drove, Jamie.

00:31:49.000 He used to get out and open the door sideways for whatever his name was.

00:31:55.000 The Black Beauty.

00:31:56.000 Chrysler Imperial Crown. 1.00

00:31:58.000 Beautiful fucking vehicle. 1.00

00:32:00.000 Let me see a picture of that. 1.00

00:32:02.000 1966 Chrysler.

00:32:04.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

00:32:08.000 We're looking at picture one, ladies and gentlemen, that looks like it has machine guns that poke out of the hood.

00:32:15.000 That was the Black Beauty. 0.97

00:32:17.000 Oh my god.

00:32:18.000 That's hilarious.

00:32:19.000 But I always like the way the doors open.

00:32:22.000 That's the car? 1.00

00:32:23.000 What a fucking car. 1.00

00:32:25.000 Who made that one? 1.00

00:32:26.000 No, that's a Resto mod.

00:32:29.000 Oh, is that the new Green Hornet?

00:32:31.000 Oh, the new one.

00:32:33.000 That was the new one with Seth Rogen, right?

00:32:35.000 Yeah, I didn't see that one.

00:32:37.000 No, I want another one where Bruce Lee drove.

00:32:39.000 Ooh, look at that one.

00:32:39.000 Look at that one.

00:32:40.000 People don't understand.

00:32:42.000 We're a little too young for it, but people don't understand what an impact Bruce Lee had when he was doing the Green Hornet.

00:32:48.000 When people saw him do martial arts moves the way he did on screen, people wanted to...

00:32:54.000 You have to think about how many people would watch a TV show back then.

00:32:59.000 Like, if you had a TV show, there's only like three different things to watch, right?

00:33:03.000 Like, if you had a TV show, you had the entire country watching one of three things.

00:33:08.000 And if you had a big show like the Green Hornet was...

00:33:11.000 The Green Hornet aired on Sunday nights.

00:33:13.000 So it was like stealing.

00:33:15.000 Yeah, everyone's home. 0.99

00:33:16.000 You either had Lawrence Welk on fucking Channel 7... 0.99

00:33:21.000 On ABC. Look at these things. 0.99

00:33:23.000 1968. You didn't see this.

00:33:25.000 Look at that guy drop.

00:33:26.000 And he just traumatized NBC. NBC was traumatized.

00:33:30.000 They only did six episodes. 1.00

00:33:31.000 Look how bad their fucking fight scenes are. 1.00

00:33:35.000 Look at these white guys faking punches. 1.00

00:33:38.000 Oh my god. 0.91

00:33:40.000 It's hilarious to see like old school bad TV like fight acting.

00:33:47.000 Like where you know the punch didn't hit them and their hair goes flying.

00:33:50.000 It's so weird!

00:33:52.000 Especially because we're not playing any of the volume, so we're just watching it.

00:33:56.000 So when you're watching with no volume, you get to really see how preposterous it is.

00:33:59.000 How many TV shows did that guy do?

00:34:03.000 Bruce Lee?

00:34:03.000 No, that Spanish dude did about a thousand episodes of different TV shows from the late 60s all through the 70s.

00:34:11.000 Who is he?

00:34:12.000 I don't know.

00:34:13.000 He's the guy that was starring...

00:34:15.000 Right there, right there?

00:34:15.000 Yeah, that guy.

00:34:17.000 Character actors were fucking so huge back then. 0.97

00:34:21.000 But Bruce Lee came on Sunday nights. 0.97

00:34:24.000 I still remember driving back from Miami with my family and being pissed because I missed Bruce Lee.

00:34:31.000 Then they canceled it.

00:34:33.000 You didn't see nothing about Bruce Lee again, bro.

00:34:36.000 How long was it between that and the big movies?

00:34:39.000 It was about a year and a half that...

00:34:42.000 Kung Fu movies were mainstream.

00:34:44.000 Five Fingers of Death came out.

00:34:46.000 No, yeah, Five Fingers of Death.

00:34:49.000 It was all about the iron palm technique.

00:34:51.000 The guy would look at you and his palm would turn pink.

00:34:55.000 And that started with that.

00:35:01.000 And then Fist of Fury came out.

00:35:03.000 But I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I went to see Fist of Fury in the movie.

00:35:06.000 I don't remember.

00:35:08.000 When Chinese Connection came out, that's what changed the ballgame. 1.00

00:35:12.000 But see, it pisses me off today, you know, when I see fucking people 20 years old talking about the impact of Bruce Lee or whatever. 0.97

00:35:20.000 First off, let's get this straight. 0.97

00:35:22.000 Bruce Lee was a tough guy, but he wasn't going to beat Muhammad Ali. 0.96

00:35:26.000 That was so silly. 0.94

00:35:27.000 He wasn't going to beat Muhammad Ali. 0.98

00:35:29.000 He was, you know, whatever.

00:35:30.000 Bruce Lee meant that the little guy had hope.

00:35:34.000 Bruce Lee gave the immigrant hope.

00:35:36.000 You know, that's what all these guys thought. 0.99

00:35:38.000 Well, Bruce Lee fucking, it changed everybody. 0.99

00:35:40.000 He put a little bounce in the step. 0.99

00:35:42.000 He changed martial arts.

00:35:43.000 He changed martial arts, but he gave you hope.

00:35:46.000 The movie theaters were packed.

00:35:48.000 Martial arts schools were packed. 1.00

00:35:50.000 Black people were going crazy because nobody sucked it anymore. 1.00

00:35:54.000 Did you see Dolomite yet? 1.00

00:35:55.000 No, I still haven't seen it.

00:35:56.000 No. 0.99

00:35:56.000 Again, you know, you got to watch these shits if I'm going to come on the show. 0.99

00:36:00.000 Because when Dolomite, did you see it? 0.99

00:36:03.000 The new one, you mean the new one?

00:36:05.000 Yeah.

00:36:06.000 First of all, our boy stole the show. 0.99

00:36:10.000 Our boy, the dude who you were going to fuck in MMA. Oh, Wesley Snipes? 0.99

00:36:14.000 Stole the fucking movie, okay? 1.00

00:36:16.000 Bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:36:17.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:36:18.000 Bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:36:19.000 You know, I'm sick and tired of these people going, well, what happened to him? 1.00

00:36:22.000 Nothing happened to him.

00:36:24.000 Well, David Tell.

00:36:26.000 What happened to David Tell? 1.00

00:36:27.000 David Tell is getting stronger every week while you're looking at some fucking idiot jumping up and down on Netflix. 1.00

00:36:33.000 David Tell is getting stronger and stronger. 1.00

00:36:36.000 When you go see David Tell, it's like people going crazy right now about Uncut Gems.

00:36:40.000 Adam Sandler's been around for 30 years. 1.00

00:36:43.000 He's got something for your ass. 1.00

00:36:45.000 It may not be goofy, jumping up and down and wetting you, but when he did... 1.00

00:36:50.000 Have you seen Uncle John's?

00:36:51.000 I heard it's great.

00:36:52.000 Just go for him, to cheer him on, to go, you know what?

00:36:56.000 Thank God. 0.99

00:36:57.000 Because people think that we're like fucking mooks as comics. 1.00

00:37:00.000 I'll hit you from fucking 90 different directions. 1.00

00:37:03.000 You could just act, bitch. 1.00

00:37:05.000 We could do it all. 1.00

00:37:06.000 And when we get 30 years under our belt... 0.99

00:37:09.000 We become weapons, like Jimmy Smith, like all these people that have been doing it for 30-plus fucking years. 0.99

00:37:16.000 Eventually, you're going to get fucking good at it. 0.99

00:37:18.000 So, you know, I still didn't see the Tarantino movie. 0.98

00:37:22.000 I saw The Joker.

00:37:23.000 Tarantino movie's amazing.

00:37:24.000 I saw it.

00:37:24.000 I won't say it out of disrespect for Bruce Lee.

00:37:27.000 I saw The Joker.

00:37:28.000 I just don't even want to go there with nobody.

00:37:30.000 I'm not in the mood. 0.99

00:37:31.000 If he didn't fucking live through it, I don't want to hear his fucking take on it. 0.99

00:37:35.000 It doesn't make sense. 0.99

00:37:37.000 It disrespected Shannon, so it means it disrespected me. 0.99

00:37:40.000 You disrespected my fucking pal, and now you know. 0.99

00:37:43.000 I don't even know Shannon Lee. 1.00

00:37:44.000 But if a bunch of these people got fired up, I watched The Joker.

00:37:48.000 I liked it.

00:37:50.000 The Joker was intense.

00:37:51.000 I liked The Joker.

00:37:52.000 It was intense.

00:37:53.000 I saw Uncut Gems.

00:37:56.000 During the break, I went to Christmas night. 0.99

00:37:58.000 My fucking girls went to sleep, so I slid over to the Lemley, ate three edibles, and my heart was beating with that fucking, because that movie, Joey Diaz, 83 to 84. Whatever you want to do, we're going to do. 0.99

00:38:11.000 What do you want to do?

00:38:12.000 Joe Rogan, listen, I got something coming next week.

00:38:15.000 Let me get 20 G's till next week.

00:38:17.000 There ain't no next week.

00:38:18.000 Jamie, don't say nothing to Rogan. 0.98

00:38:19.000 I need 10 to fucking put this number in. 0.98

00:38:22.000 And it just goes. 0.99

00:38:23.000 Think of your life from there. 1.00

00:38:24.000 You're borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and then you're telling Jesus to suck your dick. 1.00

00:38:29.000 It's non-stop. 1.00

00:38:33.000 People were like, don't get high and go see it. 1.00

00:38:35.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:38:36.000 I'm going deep to go see it. 1.00

00:38:38.000 I prepared like an 8 o'clock.

00:38:39.000 Who's in that?

00:38:39.000 Huh?

00:38:40.000 Who's in it? 1.00

00:38:41.000 Just Adam Sandler and a bunch of fucking whatevers. 1.00

00:38:43.000 It's just a movie. 1.00

00:38:44.000 Oh, the basketball player that you don't know.

00:38:48.000 Kevin Garnett.

00:38:49.000 Okay.

00:38:50.000 And it's nonstop.

00:38:52.000 So it's mostly Sandler.

00:38:54.000 And it's...

00:38:55.000 Bumping into, oh, what happened to my 30?

00:38:59.000 Oh, wow.

00:39:00.000 I'll catch you next week.

00:39:01.000 I gotta go. 1.00

00:39:02.000 Yeah, you motherfuck... 1.00

00:39:03.000 You know, it's fucking constant. 1.00

00:39:06.000 It's, you know, that life. 0.99

00:39:08.000 And then...

00:39:09.000 Is it an Academy Award winner? 0.99

00:39:11.000 I don't fucking know. 0.98

00:39:13.000 You know, I took it home. 0.99

00:39:14.000 I wore it for a couple days.

00:39:15.000 It's okay. 0.97

00:39:17.000 Is anything in a fucking Academy Award winner anymore? 0.97

00:39:21.000 I watched The Irishman. 0.99

00:39:22.000 You didn't see it yet either, so again, you go skiing for three hours.

00:39:26.000 What do you do on these flights? 1.00

00:39:28.000 You look at Ian Edwards, wait for him to go to sleep, and you go to sleep, you're fucked. 0.99

00:39:32.000 That's when I watch these three-hour movies. 1.00

00:39:34.000 I can't watch them at home.

00:39:35.000 I got a seven-year-old.

00:39:36.000 So you just watch them on flights?

00:39:38.000 On flights, I try to write.

00:39:40.000 Sometimes I've come up with some of my best bits while writing.

00:39:43.000 No, no, no.

00:39:43.000 That's after the movie.

00:39:45.000 It's a five hour and 51 minute flight.

00:39:48.000 That's true.

00:39:49.000 So I usually do a little, you know, I listen to music, I get tuned up, I eat whatever they give me. 0.87

00:39:54.000 I fucking put the movie on and I got the notebook right on the iPad.

00:39:58.000 So if something comes to me, you tighten it up and then you got the whole night that night in your hotel room. 0.99

00:40:04.000 But no, I like the Irishman.

00:40:05.000 Do you write on your iPad?

00:40:06.000 Yeah, lately.

00:40:08.000 Do you write on the screen or do you have one of those detachable keyboards?

00:40:11.000 I have the keyboard with the screen and I just type like I'm usually.

00:40:16.000 So that's where I put the final product now. 0.99

00:40:18.000 So now I have a notebook still where I fuck around and put different stupid ideas. 0.78

00:40:23.000 And then once the joke works, I put it on the iPad now and now I can add tags to it. 0.98

00:40:28.000 Oh, okay.

00:40:29.000 It's not like I used to before, so now I have.

00:40:32.000 But you're just typing on the iPad screen, just like a phone, right?

00:40:34.000 You don't have a keyboard that you attach to?

00:40:37.000 No, I have a keyboard.

00:40:37.000 Oh, you have a separate keyboard?

00:40:39.000 It closes, yeah.

00:40:39.000 Oh, okay.

00:40:39.000 The Apple one with the big screen.

00:40:41.000 Yes, okay.

00:40:42.000 It saved my life.

00:40:43.000 The best thing that ever happened.

00:40:44.000 When you do that, it's basically like a little laptop.

00:40:46.000 Listen to me.

00:40:47.000 No Twitter.

00:40:48.000 No Facebook.

00:40:50.000 No nothing.

00:40:51.000 I got YouTube, Netflix, Hulu, and that writing app.

00:40:56.000 That's it.

00:40:57.000 That's for the hotel room.

00:40:59.000 That's good for your hat, right? 1.00

00:41:00.000 Friday night, nobody fuck you. 1.00

00:41:02.000 If you Facebook me on Friday night and I'm on the road, you gotta suck my dick. 1.00

00:41:06.000 Twitter, the same thing. 1.00

00:41:07.000 I don't want to look at it on the road.

00:41:09.000 That's a distraction.

00:41:10.000 So on the road, I don't want to do podcasts.

00:41:12.000 I don't want to do nothing. 0.93

00:41:14.000 I want to lift a little bit, maybe go to a fucking local kickboxing school and do a workout. 0.88

00:41:20.000 But I want to focus on that riding. 0.97

00:41:21.000 Not six hours worth. 0.98

00:41:22.000 I ain't no fucking Hemingway. 0.97

00:41:24.000 Just to make little adjustments from the night before. 0.98

00:41:27.000 That's it.

00:41:28.000 Well, you know, you got this time when you're on the road and you can use it in a way that's going to help you.

00:41:36.000 It can be beneficial.

00:41:38.000 Or you can just use it.

00:41:40.000 One of two things, right?

00:41:41.000 You gotta figure out what's optimal for you when you're on the road.

00:41:45.000 For me, I always have better sets when I work out.

00:41:48.000 You have to work out.

00:41:49.000 Always.

00:41:50.000 You have to work out.

00:41:51.000 I don't like that weird fog that I feel when I fly into somewhere and then I just get ready for the show. 0.98

00:41:57.000 I'm like, God, it's fucking... 0.59

00:41:58.000 There's something about, like, it's hard to get everything going, but if you just get on an elliptical machine for 20 minutes, just listen to some good music, and just say, there's no option. 0.98

00:42:07.000 You have to do this. 0.97

00:42:09.000 Just fucking do this. 0.99

00:42:09.000 Once 10 minutes gets going, then you're sweating, you're having a good time. 0.99

00:42:12.000 Then you're fine.

00:42:13.000 Then you're good for 40 minutes or more.

00:42:15.000 We've been friends for 23 years.

00:42:16.000 You've been taking me on the road for 20 of those years.

00:42:19.000 We could not do what we were doing 20 years on the road today.

00:42:23.000 Not because I'm not calling you out, because you have children, you have a wife, You have a thousand other responsibilities.

00:42:30.000 So Tuesdays and Wednesdays are out.

00:42:32.000 Yeah, you can't do those shows anymore.

00:42:33.000 And Sunday's out, too.

00:42:34.000 Sunday's out, too.

00:42:36.000 It's also, it's like, you can get a lot out of that when you're in those early stages like we were, when we were learning how to do the road.

00:42:45.000 There's a lot you get out of those Wednesday through Sunday weekends, weeks.

00:42:49.000 You know why?

00:42:50.000 Because by Friday, you want to stab yourself in the throat from saying the same jokes. 0.95

00:42:54.000 Yep. 1.00

00:42:54.000 So you wake up Saturday morning and you run like a motherfucker. 1.00

00:42:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:57.000 Because Saturday you got three shows.

00:42:59.000 Remember, we went through this three-show pattern.

00:43:01.000 Three on Saturdays.

00:43:01.000 You were the one that said to me, we're not doing midnights no more.

00:43:04.000 It's not worth it.

00:43:05.000 Yeah.

00:43:05.000 It's the law of diminishing returns.

00:43:06.000 You don't even know what joke you fucking said by midnight. 0.99

00:43:08.000 Yep. 1.00

00:43:09.000 Even if you stayed sober.

00:43:10.000 You didn't smoke then.

00:43:11.000 We were sobers, judges.

00:43:12.000 You still out there. 0.98

00:43:13.000 You're like, did I fucking say this bit? 0.98

00:43:15.000 So that's just a burnout. 0.98

00:43:16.000 That's the law of diminishing returns.

00:43:18.000 Sundays...

00:43:20.000 People are tired.

00:43:21.000 They don't have the same reaction on Sunday.

00:43:23.000 You and I were never tired then.

00:43:25.000 But there was no children involved.

00:43:26.000 There was no serious girlfriends involved.

00:43:28.000 There was not a lot of...

00:43:29.000 The podcast wasn't involved.

00:43:31.000 There was a lot of different things then.

00:43:34.000 Now, my schedule has to be this.

00:43:36.000 You want me to tell you something? 0.98

00:43:38.000 I could fucking take the Friday flight to LA. I could take the Friday six-hour flight at 6 a.m., land in Kennedy at 2, and be at Town Hall ready to go at 8. But do I really want to do that? 0.98

00:43:49.000 Do I need to do that?

00:43:50.000 No.

00:43:51.000 So I'll take this at 6 a.m.

00:43:53.000 on Thursday, get to New York at 2, take a little nap.

00:43:56.000 At 4, go downstairs, do the elliptical, get two five pounds, shadow boxing, 10 minutes, because ain't nothing better for you than shadow boxing.

00:44:04.000 Breaks a tremendous sweat, a couple of upper jabs.

00:44:06.000 You go upstairs.

00:44:07.000 You're also moving.

00:44:08.000 You're bangling out in the shower.

00:44:09.000 You get yourself up and you go for a nice steak.

00:44:13.000 And you get to see the town.

00:44:15.000 And then I do what I learned from my brother Joe Rogan. 0.91

00:44:18.000 You leave a fucking huge tip so when they go out for employee night, the word gets out that Joe Rogan in town. 0.97

00:44:24.000 Friday morning you wake up, the show's sold out. 0.99

00:44:26.000 I don't even have to go do radio.

00:44:28.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:44:29.000 That's the plan.

00:44:30.000 And then you get up Friday and you go to a local kickboxing school.

00:44:34.000 How cool is that?

00:44:36.000 And they're looking at you like, Mr. Hogan, are you sure?

00:44:39.000 Yeah.

00:44:40.000 I'm doing the class.

00:44:42.000 I want to meet a few people.

00:44:44.000 You get more out of that than anything.

00:44:46.000 They talk to you. 0.97

00:44:47.000 They bust your balls a little bit, but then you get an Uber set to pick you up. 0.98

00:44:51.000 And you go back to the hotel and you actually got out and you were social before the show. 0.98

00:44:55.000 Now I could go back to that hotel room and sit in there for six hours and dig it.

00:44:59.000 You write for one.

00:45:00.000 You're throwing episodes of The Sopranos on for one.

00:45:03.000 You draw an episode or something else, then you go back to writing.

00:45:06.000 Maybe you take a nap, take a nice 20-minute shower, do a 7 o'clock show.

00:45:11.000 In case you sell out, you do the second show.

00:45:14.000 But if not, you're back in your room at 10.30.

00:45:17.000 A little room service.

00:45:19.000 You throw on a movie you haven't seen.

00:45:22.000 You eat an edible.

00:45:23.000 You're up at 5. You're at the airport at 6. You're back at LAX at 9. I want to see this documentary.

00:45:29.000 Sounds perfect.

00:45:30.000 That's what works for me now for me to be most effective.

00:45:34.000 You know, I could be a Gavone and go out there on Wednesdays, but by Saturday, I'm not going to be a good comic.

00:45:40.000 Yeah, I think we still put in the reps and putting the reps in town.

00:45:45.000 It's just about reps.

00:45:46.000 You know, as many reps as you can get.

00:45:48.000 The thing about The Road when you're doing those Wednesday through Sundays is that you're getting long reps.

00:45:52.000 You're getting like hour sets every show.

00:45:55.000 Which is great, too.

00:45:56.000 I mean, I'm not...

00:45:57.000 I think...

00:45:58.000 For me, as a...

00:46:00.000 Where we're at now, I want to give them 150% of every show. 0.99

00:46:05.000 Last night I went to the comedy store and I got two dick suckings right out of the way. 1.00

00:46:09.000 I mean, I sucked a bag of dick in the main room, and then I took that same original room and sucked another bag of dicks. 1.00

00:46:17.000 But I wanted to try new materials. 1.00

00:46:19.000 See, I was failing in the past.

00:46:20.000 I was going to all these other clubs and going, let me not... 0.99

00:46:23.000 Let me not try shit at the Comedy Store. 0.99

00:46:25.000 Listen, you bring everything to the chapel at the Comedy Store. 0.99

00:46:28.000 And let the pieces fall where they may.

00:46:30.000 It's 15 to get in.

00:46:31.000 You do know that.

00:46:32.000 And they're going to see 22 comics.

00:46:34.000 And they're going to see 22 comics that headline all over the world. 1.00

00:46:37.000 Yeah, so suck my dick. 1.00

00:46:38.000 I'm going to go up there and give you 150%. 1.00

00:46:39.000 But I'm going to go up there and try new shit. 0.99

00:46:42.000 Last night I was talking about that. 0.99

00:46:43.000 We've all as men at one time or another metooed somebody.

00:46:48.000 That's how you learn not to be a metooer. 0.87

00:46:50.000 Is by me tooing somebody one time.

00:46:53.000 And then you go, that wasn't right.

00:46:55.000 And then I'll never me too again.

00:46:57.000 For me, I was...

00:46:58.000 That's a weird adjective.

00:46:59.000 Oh, and I started out with it. 0.99

00:47:00.000 I opened up with it to really put myself in the fucking hole of debt. 0.98

00:47:04.000 Is that an adverb? 0.99

00:47:06.000 What is that?

00:47:07.000 Me tooing?

00:47:08.000 Is it a verb?

00:47:10.000 If you me-too somebody?

00:47:11.000 It has to be an adverb, yeah.

00:47:14.000 The only way you learn how to not be a me-tooer is by me-tooing. 0.65

00:47:20.000 You shoplifted candy when you were a kid, right?

00:47:22.000 Yes.

00:47:22.000 And your mother told you, smack me, she goes, that's not right.

00:47:25.000 Same thing with me-tooing. 1.00

00:47:27.000 This L.A. is a fucking... 1.00

00:47:29.000 Me Too was invented here. 1.00

00:47:31.000 They fucked Marilyn Monroe to death. 1.00

00:47:33.000 They fucked her to death. 1.00

00:47:34.000 Her vaginal thing looked like fucking that fucking embassy in Tehran, whatever they bombed. 1.00

00:47:39.000 What was that famous Fatty Arbuckle case where there was a... 1.00

00:47:43.000 This is disgusting people out here.

00:47:46.000 Between the Bikram documentary, did you see that one?

00:47:49.000 I didn't see that, yeah. 1.00

00:47:50.000 That filthy fucking animal getting women to suck that fucking 90 degree weather, six yoga session dick. 1.00

00:47:58.000 That's just cruelty to animals. 1.00

00:48:00.000 You could put you in jail for just sucking that dick. 1.00

00:48:02.000 You know, Harvey, all that shit happens here. 1.00

00:48:05.000 But as us, as men, We've all metooed somebody when you were a kid by mistake. 0.99

00:48:11.000 To me, I was in love with this lady named Faye. 0.99

00:48:14.000 She was 37, had big juicy tits. 1.00

00:48:17.000 She'd wear hot pants. 0.99

00:48:19.000 I was about 14. I had never even seen a vagina. 0.98

00:48:21.000 No titties, nothing. 0.97

00:48:23.000 And we used to play basketball, and our two dogs were blind.

00:48:26.000 She had French poodles.

00:48:28.000 And she had flip-flops, and she'd cross the street.

00:48:31.000 And she was so hot.

00:48:32.000 She was 38, and she had a husband that was like 60. He would just barely be alive like that dude from Texas that was fucking out of the cold. 0.98

00:48:40.000 And he would watch her, because he knew we were savage, so we were going to take her down. 0.98

00:48:45.000 She had two daughters, and the daughters were badass. 1.00

00:48:48.000 But one of my Goombas dated one of the daughters. 1.00

00:48:50.000 I never told them.

00:48:52.000 Every time I played basketball, Faye would come out and the game would just stop. 0.94

00:48:58.000 And she turned for us and the sun would shine through a halter.

00:49:01.000 Remember halter tops in the 70s? 0.99

00:49:03.000 And she had real yummy titties with the nipples sticking up. 1.00

00:49:06.000 And it drove me crazy. 0.99

00:49:08.000 I was 13, 14. I lived through that.

00:49:11.000 I'd see her in the winter with pants on. 0.97

00:49:14.000 She looked delicious. 0.99

00:49:16.000 And finally, summer of fucking 79, I'm getting all fucked up with some friends of mine. 1.00

00:49:22.000 We're drinking fucking nips. 0.99

00:49:24.000 We snorted some angel dust. 1.00

00:49:25.000 And we're listening to Led Zeppelin 2. If you're gonna fuck anybody, Led Zeppelin 2 is the album to get you... 0.99

00:49:31.000 It starts off with a whole lot of love. 0.99

00:49:33.000 That just gets your hips moving.

00:49:35.000 And then it goes into the lemon song.

00:49:37.000 And he's talking about squeeze me, baby, till the juice runs down my leg.

00:49:41.000 I'm like, that's it.

00:49:42.000 The juice is running down my leg tonight.

00:49:44.000 My mother was a flower chick. 1.00

00:49:46.000 She had flowers everywhere. 0.86

00:49:47.000 I put on like a shirt.

00:49:49.000 I swear to God, it had to be about 10. Because she would walk the dog at night, but the husband was 60. How old were you at the time?

00:49:53.000 15. The dog would sleep.

00:49:56.000 The husband would pass out by 8. So she would take the dogs out for the 10 o'clock.

00:50:02.000 The last, she would put them down and, you know, they were kind of blind French poodles. 0.99

00:50:06.000 And she would still wear the fucking tighty-whities. 1.00

00:50:09.000 You know, the Dixie Dukes. 1.00

00:50:12.000 Daisy Dukes.

00:50:14.000 This was in the 70s before Daisy even was invented.

00:50:17.000 She already had the Daisy on with the shirt.

00:50:19.000 And I remember being on that angel does hide in the weeds. 1.00

00:50:23.000 Like fucking, like fucking, and with the flowers. 1.00

00:50:26.000 I had flowers for her. 1.00

00:50:28.000 I was going to bring her flowers. 0.99

00:50:30.000 But my plan was to attack her. 0.81

00:50:32.000 Like, just jump her in the thing, throw it down, and get with the flowers. 0.99

00:50:35.000 This is how crazy that was.

00:50:36.000 You were going to attack her.

00:50:37.000 Like, I couldn't take it no more.

00:50:39.000 Like, I wanted to marry her. 1.00

00:50:41.000 Like, that's how fucked up I was. 0.99

00:50:43.000 And you were on Angel Dust. 0.99

00:50:44.000 And I was on Angel Dust.

00:50:45.000 It was whatever.

00:50:46.000 T.C. Crystal.

00:50:47.000 Call it what you want.

00:50:48.000 It's animal tranquilizer.

00:50:49.000 No matter how you look at it.

00:50:51.000 And I remember that I ran up on her, and she turned.

00:50:55.000 And she goes, Coco, what's going on?

00:50:57.000 And I just stopped, and I go, Faye, I'm in love with you.

00:51:00.000 And she's like, what are you talking about?

00:51:02.000 And I'm like, Faye, I've been in love with you for two years.

00:51:04.000 I want to run off with you. 1.00

00:51:05.000 Fuck my mother. 1.00

00:51:06.000 I'm like, let's get a job. 1.00

00:51:08.000 Let's leave. 0.94

00:51:10.000 And she's looking at me like I was retarded. 1.00

00:51:14.000 First off, she's looking at me like, this kid is fucking snapped. 1.00

00:51:17.000 And she goes, you've been drinking. 0.99

00:51:19.000 I'm like, I still love you.

00:51:20.000 Take the flowers.

00:51:22.000 And she goes, I'll tell you what, if I divorce my husband, I'll consider it.

00:51:27.000 And I was like, okay, I can live with that.

00:51:29.000 Can I give you a kiss?

00:51:30.000 And I kissed her on the cheek, and I could feel the heat going up my head.

00:51:35.000 And finally, as I went to turn away, I looked at her legs. 0.82

00:51:37.000 She had the juiciest legs in the world. 1.00

00:51:40.000 I go, can I touch your thigh? 0.80

00:51:42.000 And she goes, go ahead, Joe Rogan. 0.70

00:51:45.000 I touched like her kneecap. 1.00

00:51:46.000 And my dick just exploded with sperm. 1.00

00:51:49.000 I ran away like Steven Seagal. 1.00

00:51:52.000 You ever see Steven Seagal run? 1.00

00:51:53.000 He runs like a fucking retard. 1.00

00:51:55.000 Put that little limp. 1.00

00:51:56.000 You ever see Steven Seagal run?

00:51:57.000 There's a couple... 1.00

00:51:58.000 You ever see him run in fucking... 1.00

00:51:59.000 He runs very strange. 1.00

00:52:01.000 He's very tall.

00:52:02.000 What's the first one he did?

00:52:04.000 That's really good.

00:52:05.000 Above the law.

00:52:06.000 Look at him.

00:52:06.000 Look at how he runs.

00:52:07.000 He runs like a fucking retard. 1.00

00:52:09.000 Look at him. 1.00

00:52:10.000 Can you imagine...

00:52:12.000 He's just built odd.

00:52:14.000 He's just really tall.

00:52:15.000 He does run a little loose with the hands, which is kind of confusing.

00:52:20.000 Which one was this one?

00:52:22.000 That's above the law.

00:52:23.000 I think it's cutting all the things.

00:52:25.000 Oh, it's a bunch of different movies now because now he's got more hair.

00:52:27.000 Right, because people goof on him because of the way he runs.

00:52:31.000 He was married to Kelly LeBrock, dog, at one time.

00:52:35.000 Dude, at one time he was the man. 0.93

00:52:37.000 How many times did I jerk off to Kelly LeBrock in Woman in Red? 0.78

00:52:40.000 When Gene Wilder calls for her. 0.85

00:52:43.000 This is what it is.

00:52:44.000 His steps are too short, and his wrists flip around.

00:52:48.000 Because he's used to doing Aikido, right?

00:52:50.000 He's used to like, everything's like flowing.

00:52:53.000 Please, don't protect him with the Aikidos. 1.00

00:52:55.000 I'm just saying, that's what it is.

00:52:55.000 He runs like I have a fruitcake.

00:52:57.000 Don't throw Aikido in there.

00:52:59.000 Those Japanese people worked 3,000 years to put Aikido on the map.

00:53:04.000 And now you're going to set them back.

00:53:06.000 That poor Aikido school in Burbank has moved eight times.

00:53:09.000 They keep losing students. 1.00

00:53:10.000 They're down to two students wearing a schmock and a fucking sword. 1.00

00:53:14.000 Who's going to go for Aikido lessons now? 0.99

00:53:16.000 Someone who doesn't really want to fight, and you want to be able to passively get someone away from you, which is not realistic.

00:53:24.000 But the sword part! 0.95

00:53:25.000 The sword part could come up if shit hits the fan, if we go back and, you know, if we get knocked into the Stone Age for a nuclear war with Russia. 0.98

00:53:33.000 Why don't you give me this ear beat? 0.98

00:53:34.000 No, I need to join again.

00:53:36.000 No!

00:53:36.000 You need to learn how to dodge sticks.

00:53:39.000 Yeah, they moved.

00:53:40.000 They're in Burbank.

00:53:41.000 When I was a kid, I went to Aikido for about two weeks.

00:53:45.000 It's probably fun.

00:53:45.000 The guy's name was Richard Bowe.

00:53:47.000 He was supposed to be a big time in Guttenberg, New Jersey.

00:53:51.000 And he taught all that deflection stuff.

00:53:53.000 But Steven Seagal in Above the Law took it to a different level.

00:53:57.000 That throat slam, he's got the deflection throat slam. 0.99

00:54:03.000 That's fucking beautiful. 0.99

00:54:23.000 That move right there. 1.00

00:54:25.000 Oh, that pulls his throat out.

00:54:27.000 Yeah, that's when it got carried away.

00:54:30.000 That's when he just went over the top. 0.97

00:54:32.000 But in the first movie, in Above the Law, and the one when he fucked up the Jamaicans. 0.99

00:54:38.000 Oh yeah, which one was that? 0.97

00:54:40.000 With swords, sword fights.

00:54:42.000 And then Hard to Kill, that's the one that pissed me off.

00:54:46.000 You're in a coma for four years and two days later you're throwing sidekicks.

00:54:50.000 Yeah, and he's putting acupuncture needles all over himself and he fixes himself.

00:54:56.000 Jesus Christ.

00:54:58.000 Jesus Christ.

00:54:59.000 I loved it!

00:55:01.000 I loved it too.

00:55:02.000 I loved him too.

00:55:03.000 The thing about him, man, is I think in that first movie, it was one of the more unique martial arts movies.

00:55:12.000 Like, Above the Law, it's almost a shame that he made a bunch of movies that weren't as good, because if you go back to Above the Law, in terms of martial arts history, and Above the Law is a legitimate...

00:55:25.000 The historical movie in terms of martial arts movies.

00:55:29.000 Because it was the first movie where you got to see a real Aikido practitioner with a hybridized system of martial arts.

00:55:37.000 Like he was doing Aikido, but he was also throwing a lot of punches and knife hand strikes and a lot of strikes.

00:55:44.000 See if they showed the bodega scene and above the law.

00:55:47.000 But just play this out. 1.00

00:55:49.000 This guy, look, all the bullshit. 1.00

00:55:52.000 I mean, I've made fun of him as much as anybody. 0.99

00:55:55.000 But listen, his Aikido skills were very legit.

00:56:00.000 He was very legit.

00:56:01.000 Whether or not that stuff's real or not, that's a subject for debate.

00:56:05.000 Whether or not it's really effective when you look at other things like wrestling and jujitsu.

00:56:10.000 Is it the most effective way to grow?

00:56:12.000 Or judo?

00:56:12.000 Is it the most effective way?

00:56:14.000 No, it's not.

00:56:15.000 But no one knew that back then.

00:56:17.000 And he, at the time, in the 1980s and 90s, was a world-class martial artist.

00:56:24.000 He just had a style that ultimately didn't really prove to be the best style.

00:56:29.000 But so did I. I was doing Tiger.

00:56:31.000 No, no, no. 0.87

00:56:32.000 This is hard to kill.

00:56:34.000 A lot of people were doing kung fu.

00:56:35.000 A lot of people were doing things that they thought were legit, but they really, once the UFC came around, we found out, oh, this is not the best way to do it.

00:56:42.000 Now, this is 87. There's a kid in this scene that was just in the movie with Clint Eastwood, the mule.

00:56:49.000 He's been doing movies for fucking 30 years. 0.99

00:56:51.000 I can't. 0.99

00:56:52.000 Right now.

00:56:53.000 That dude with the tattoos. 0.99

00:56:54.000 How many fucking movies has he been a bad guy in? 1.00

00:56:57.000 Right there. 1.00

00:56:58.000 The second guy.

00:57:00.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:57:00.000 That guy's in every fucking bad guy movie. 1.00

00:57:02.000 Every movie. 0.99

00:57:02.000 He's great. 0.99

00:57:03.000 Who is he?

00:57:03.000 What's his name?

00:57:04.000 He used to live in Vegas, I heard.

00:57:06.000 He had some restaurant in Vegas.

00:57:08.000 I'm not even sure. 0.98

00:57:10.000 I love a good shitty drama. 0.98

00:57:13.000 A good shitty cop drama. 0.99

00:57:15.000 I love going back and watching some 1990s cop dramas. 0.97

00:57:20.000 They're fun.

00:57:21.000 Kojak.

00:57:22.000 Oh, Kojak. 1.00

00:57:23.000 I remember Kojak.

00:57:24.000 With the lollipop at the end.

00:57:25.000 How about Beretta?

00:57:26.000 Beretta. 1.00

00:57:29.000 How about that fucking... 1.00

00:57:30.000 You know which one was good, bro, that they gotta bring back? 1.00

00:57:33.000 What?

00:57:34.000 Wise guy.

00:57:35.000 What was wise guy? 1.00

00:57:36.000 The good-looking dude with the fucking... 0.99

00:57:38.000 He was undercover with the mafia, but he really was a cop from the CIA. Like a Donnie Brasco type situation? 0.99

00:57:45.000 He was a really good-looking dude.

00:57:47.000 Really a good-looking dude.

00:57:48.000 This is it right here? 0.99

00:57:49.000 He fucked people up. 0.99

00:57:51.000 No, this is a movie. 0.99

00:57:53.000 Wiseguy was a TV series.

00:57:55.000 Robert Wall, Robert, good-looking dude.

00:57:59.000 He came out with Paul Newman in Fort Apache, the Bronx.

00:58:05.000 Oh.

00:58:07.000 Wiseguy, the TV series.

00:58:11.000 What am I looking at here, Jamie?

00:58:13.000 Oh, that guy.

00:58:15.000 I remember that guy.

00:58:17.000 Yeah, you remember that dude. 1.00

00:58:18.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:58:20.000 Who was that dude? 1.00

00:58:23.000 Does it say?

00:58:24.000 No.

00:58:25.000 Not there.

00:58:26.000 See, go to just a regular search of it instead of watching the video of it.

00:58:29.000 That's right.

00:58:30.000 There were so many of these.

00:58:31.000 Remember Wings?

00:58:33.000 Wings.

00:58:34.000 And Jam Michael Vincent was on Wings.

00:58:37.000 Yeah.

00:58:37.000 Was he?

00:58:38.000 Sure, that's the one that put them all over the top.

00:58:39.000 No, no, no, no.

00:58:40.000 Wings was the TV show.

00:58:43.000 On NBC. Right?

00:58:44.000 Yeah.

00:58:45.000 Jan Michael Vincent wasn't in Wings. 0.99

00:58:47.000 Jan Michael Vincent was in some show about fuck Ken Wall. 0.99

00:58:51.000 Ken Wall. 0.96

00:58:52.000 Jan Michael Vincent was in some movie about a TV show about pilots in the air.

00:59:20.000 Four Seasons.

00:59:25.000 That guy in The Mechanic, if you go back to the original Charles Bronson version of The Mechanic, he was slated to be the next big superstar.

00:59:35.000 Right?

00:59:36.000 He did a movie for Disney with Kurt Russell called The World's Greatest Athlete. 0.93

00:59:42.000 And right there, he fucked things up. 0.55

00:59:45.000 He was a Disney guy first.

00:59:48.000 You don't remember The World's Greatest Athlete?

00:59:50.000 No.

00:59:51.000 He went to pick up the weights and his arms stretched. 1.00

00:59:54.000 Him and fucking, that was his first movie. 0.99

00:59:57.000 It was a Disney movie. 1.00

00:59:59.000 And then he went on to become Jan Michael and the mechanic.

01:00:06.000 Look, yeah, look at him, dog.

01:00:07.000 He was handsome.

01:00:09.000 Dog, he was the first Brad Pitt.

01:00:10.000 He was.

01:00:11.000 Look how gripped he is, too.

01:00:12.000 He was the original Brad Pitt. 0.62

01:00:14.000 Look at this science fiction where he's out sprinting black guys. 0.96

01:00:18.000 This is a science fiction movie.

01:00:20.000 This is a science fiction movie.

01:00:21.000 Well, this is why he was the world's greatest athlete.

01:00:23.000 With beautiful hair, this white guy is out sprinting.

01:00:28.000 Everyone else looks like they're straight out of Jamaica. 0.74

01:00:31.000 Right out of the Jamaica track team. 0.99

01:00:34.000 This is a ridiculous film. 0.64

01:00:36.000 Look how much further he is ahead than those guys who you know would beat him in a real race. 1.00

01:00:40.000 Even the black people cheering for him. 0.65

01:00:42.000 Even the brothers cheering for him. 0.99

01:00:44.000 He did look fucking fantastic back then, though. 0.94

01:00:47.000 Like, look what kind of shape that guy was in. 0.91

01:00:49.000 Look at the guy from Good Times, Howard.

01:00:52.000 This is a great movie.

01:00:53.000 This is one of his first movies that blew him up. 0.99

01:00:56.000 Then he got the mechanic and fucking... 1.00

01:01:00.000 That's how they're killing people today. 1.00

01:01:02.000 How about Good Times?

01:01:04.000 The TV show? 1.00

01:01:05.000 Remember that fucking show? 1.00

01:01:06.000 I saw her in an audition about 15 years ago. 1.00

01:01:09.000 Luanda, the neighbor. 0.99

01:01:11.000 I told her I fucking loved you when I was a kid. 0.98

01:01:15.000 Oh, that's awesome. 0.99

01:01:16.000 And she still looked good.

01:01:18.000 She was the neighbor lady, not the skinny daughter. 0.69

01:01:20.000 Pull up the cast of Good Times?

01:01:23.000 Dude, this show, J.J. Walker, still to this day, is known for one saying, dynamite.

01:01:31.000 And he won't say it unless you give him three grand.

01:01:36.000 Remember clubs are giving him $1,500 a week, and he's like, you want me to say dynamite?

01:01:41.000 Yeah, but give me the names of everybody.

01:01:45.000 Just go to all...

01:01:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:01:47.000 Look at that fucking show. 1.00

01:01:49.000 1974. First episode. 1.00

01:01:52.000 This was a show like every...

01:01:53.000 That was interesting, right?

01:01:55.000 It was because...

01:01:56.000 Janet Jackson as a little girl.

01:01:58.000 There was quite a few, even though there wasn't that many television shows, there was quite a few...

01:02:04.000 Big name black shows.

01:02:06.000 Sanford and Son, Good Times, The Jeffersons.

01:02:11.000 Like during that era, even though there weren't that many TV shows, there was quite a few.

01:02:15.000 What was the basketball show?

01:02:16.000 Oh, The White Shadow.

01:02:18.000 Tremendous.

01:02:19.000 Yeah, The White Shadow.

01:02:20.000 Tremendous.

01:02:21.000 Yeah, I forgot about that show.

01:02:24.000 Tremendous.

01:02:24.000 Yeah.

01:02:25.000 Dude, to this day, Sanford and Son is one of the best sitcoms of all time. 0.94

01:02:29.000 There's some fucking episodes of Sanford and Son that I'll listen to or I'll watch rather to this day and I'll still laugh at Red Fox. 0.99

01:02:37.000 He is so fucking raw and I wish network television would look at that and go, it's time for us to take the sticks out of our ass again. 0.99

01:02:48.000 They can't. 1.00

01:02:49.000 They're stuck.

01:02:50.000 Well, somebody has to do it first.

01:02:53.000 It's just gonna be their own demise.

01:02:57.000 We're comedians.

01:02:58.000 You're a comedian.

01:02:59.000 I'm a comedian.

01:02:59.000 I try real hard.

01:03:00.000 This was our early education.

01:03:03.000 This couldn't have been a better education than watching.

01:03:06.000 And here we're watching...

01:03:07.000 Remember, we're watching Paul Mooney write these lines.

01:03:11.000 Paul Mooney was one of the writers on this.

01:03:14.000 So we had Richard Pryor on one hand. 1.00

01:03:16.000 But then you had this sick fuck. 1.00

01:03:19.000 He hated Puerto Ricans. 1.00

01:03:20.000 I don't want no Puerto Ricans in my house. 1.00

01:03:24.000 He hated Julio the neighbor. 0.89

01:03:26.000 He hated Julio the neighbor.

01:03:28.000 You know, America...

01:03:29.000 This was Friday nights, and then it was followed by Chico in the matter.

01:03:32.000 Yes.

01:03:34.000 You know?

01:03:34.000 Freddie Prince.

01:03:35.000 CBS had their answer of fucking... 0.99

01:03:38.000 of Archie Bunker, which will never happen again. 0.99

01:03:42.000 Every year they try to do a different Archie Bunker.

01:03:44.000 They're never going to do it because it's not coming from the heart.

01:03:47.000 Yeah.

01:03:48.000 They can't sell it like he did.

01:03:49.000 That...

01:03:50.000 He does a scene when Sammy Davis Jr. has to kiss him. 1.00

01:03:57.000 Like, there's a scene of fucking... 1.00

01:03:59.000 When Sammy Davis... 0.99

01:04:00.000 What was the actor's name again?

01:04:02.000 Carol...

01:04:02.000 Carol O'Connor.

01:04:03.000 Carol O'Connor. 1.00

01:04:04.000 He grabbed Carol O'Connor and kissed him in the fucking lips. 1.00

01:04:09.000 That, you know... 1.00

01:04:10.000 So many different...

01:04:12.000 Yeah, right here. 1.00

01:04:13.000 All this shit. 1.00

01:04:14.000 You know what's crazy? 1.00

01:04:16.000 Carol O'Connor was like a great actor, an actor for his whole life, but he's known for sure more than anything for being Archie Bunker.

01:04:27.000 Right here, look at his face.

01:04:35.000 Yeah, like it was supposed to be funny that Archie Bunker was racist. 0.89

01:04:38.000 And by the way, just for the record, everybody always thought he was a black Jew. 0.67

01:04:42.000 You better throw Cuban in there too. 0.74

01:04:43.000 His mother was Cuban, Sammy Davis Jr. Really?

01:04:46.000 Yeah, his mother was Cuban, Afro-Cuban.

01:04:49.000 Now look at everyone laughing at him because Sammy Davis Jr. kissed him and he freaked out.

01:04:55.000 Look at everyone laughing at him. 1.00

01:04:57.000 You could, like, gay jokes, black jokes, white jokes, Puerto Rican jokes, they talk shit about everybody on that show. 1.00

01:05:06.000 You go back in TV now 10 years, and you're going to see the difference. 0.99

01:05:10.000 You go back in film, and there's some films that right off the start, they're offensive.

01:05:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:16.000 In today's world, they're very offensive.

01:05:19.000 I just saw something that was on, like, regular TV, and me and my wife were like, this wouldn't fly today.

01:05:26.000 It was just something that was on like at 9 o'clock.

01:05:28.000 It wouldn't fly.

01:05:29.000 Well, what about Ace Ventura, Pet Detective?

01:05:32.000 It was all about a guy who was trans.

01:05:35.000 A guy who was cross-dressing at the very least, like pretending to be a girl, but it turns out to be a guy the whole time.

01:05:42.000 And everyone's disgusted because they had kissed him thinking it was a girl.

01:05:47.000 So everyone's throwing up.

01:05:48.000 Like, you would never be able to do that today.

01:05:50.000 It would be transphobic.

01:05:52.000 People would freak out.

01:05:55.000 Do you remember that?

01:05:57.000 No.

01:05:58.000 There's that pretty lady who was in a bunch of movies back then but then just like went off the rails. 1.00

01:06:02.000 Sean Young.

01:06:03.000 Do you remember her?

01:06:04.000 She was in Blade Runner.

01:06:05.000 She was the beautiful young robot in Blade Runner.

01:06:09.000 She was in a bunch of movies, man.

01:06:11.000 But then she just went off the rails.

01:06:16.000 She's one of those Jen Michael Vincent type characters for a bit, I think.

01:06:20.000 Well, just the pressure of it all was just too much.

01:06:22.000 So this is the scene at the end of it.

01:06:25.000 Is that Courtney Cox with the gun?

01:06:27.000 Yeah.

01:06:28.000 And there's Sean Young.

01:06:29.000 That's that lady. 1.00

01:06:30.000 And so we find out in this scene that he's really or she's really a guy.

01:06:38.000 Or, I don't get it.

01:06:40.000 Or she's... 0.98

01:06:41.000 How do you say it today?

01:06:44.000 Back then you would say it's a guy pretending to be a girl.

01:06:47.000 But you don't say that anymore.

01:06:48.000 Now you say what?

01:06:50.000 She's trans? 1.00

01:06:51.000 But we're supposed to believe that she's got a giant hog under there. 1.00

01:06:55.000 Where's the scene?

01:06:56.000 Does this take forever?

01:06:57.000 Yeah, he's got to lead up to it.

01:06:58.000 He's explaining everything to them.

01:07:00.000 So he tells them all that that's a guy.

01:07:02.000 So this is like some bad guy that they've been looking for.

01:07:05.000 He's the famous kicker for the Miami Dolphins.

01:07:06.000 That's right.

01:07:07.000 That's right.

01:07:08.000 Oh, that's right.

01:07:08.000 That's right.

01:07:10.000 That's right. 1.00

01:07:11.000 And he's angry because he fucked up. 0.99

01:07:14.000 Yeah, all these cops know about this one game. 0.99

01:07:19.000 Yeah.

01:07:21.000 Boom.

01:07:22.000 There's the part.

01:07:23.000 So she's supposed to have it tucked in right there.

01:07:26.000 Right.

01:07:26.000 Or something.

01:07:27.000 And they all flip around.

01:07:28.000 And Tone looks in there too?

01:07:29.000 There's Captain Winky. 0.97

01:07:30.000 Now he's gonna turn her around so everybody can see that she's got a hog. 1.00

01:07:36.000 Turn her around. 0.74

01:07:42.000 What happens here?

01:07:44.000 Yeah, because it's the big reveal.

01:07:45.000 There it is.

01:07:48.000 Look at them all throw up.

01:07:52.000 Everyone's throwing up!

01:07:54.000 Tone Loke is cleaning his tongue up.

01:07:57.000 The dolphin's throwing up. 1.00

01:07:59.000 Everyone's throwing up because they saw a woman with a dick. 1.00

01:08:02.000 So let me ask you a question. 1.00

01:08:03.000 A couple weeks ago, Disney Plus premiered.

01:08:05.000 Two days later, people were throwing fits. 0.98

01:08:09.000 What do you want them to do to go back and take all this shit out of these old movies? 0.99

01:08:13.000 Well, that's a good question. 0.99

01:08:15.000 Is that what you want?

01:08:15.000 Do you ever go to Disneyland?

01:08:17.000 Yes.

01:08:17.000 You know that one ride?

01:08:19.000 What is it?

01:08:20.000 Splash Mountain?

01:08:21.000 Yes.

01:08:21.000 That Splash Mountain ride is based on a movie that you can't even watch anymore.

01:08:27.000 It was a really racist movie.

01:08:30.000 Well, Disney was racist, was he not?

01:08:32.000 I don't know.

01:08:33.000 Somebody said Disney.

01:08:34.000 I don't know.

01:08:35.000 I don't know.

01:08:36.000 But this Splash Mountain, it's called The Song of the South.

01:08:41.000 That was the movie.

01:08:42.000 And from what year is that, Jamie?

01:08:45.000 1946. 1946. Bro, people were different animals back then.

01:08:50.000 We're not even the same species.

01:08:51.000 What about the lady... 1.00

01:08:53.000 Who sang the national anthem at the Yankees.

01:08:57.000 Somebody found out that 30 years before that.

01:09:01.000 You didn't know about that?

01:09:03.000 No.

01:09:03.000 You gotta look this up.

01:09:05.000 She sang songs that were like totally racist, like spooky, get out of town. 1.00

01:09:09.000 Like shit like this. 1.00

01:09:10.000 Please look it up right now. 0.99

01:09:12.000 She sang the national anthem?

01:09:13.000 Right now.

01:09:13.000 So two ball fields took her version of the national anthem down.

01:09:20.000 You had to read the shit. 1.00

01:09:22.000 She was here. 1.00

01:09:22.000 Kate Smith's God Bless America out at Yankee Stadium over racist songs. 1.00

01:09:27.000 Listen to the song she sang.

01:09:29.000 Who's Kate Smith? 1.00

01:09:30.000 Some fucking fat chick from 1920. 1931 song? 1.00

01:09:34.000 Yeah, that's why darkies were born. 1.00

01:09:36.000 Wait a minute.

01:09:36.000 She sang this in 1931?

01:09:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:09:39.000 How old is this bitch? 1.00

01:09:41.000 Is she still alive? 1.00

01:09:43.000 It's like the recording of God Bless America from back then that they used to just play during the middle of the day.

01:09:47.000 Right, she sang that, but when did she... 0.95

01:09:49.000 When she was recorded in 1930-something.

01:09:51.000 But when did she sing the national anthem?

01:09:53.000 No, no, it's the God Bless America is what they're talking about here.

01:09:57.000 Okay, but when did she sing God Bless America?

01:10:00.000 1929, 1930-something, I don't know, back then.

01:10:03.000 But she also sang a song called That's Why Darkies Are Born. 1.00

01:10:06.000 I was confused.

01:10:07.000 I was thinking that you were saying that she sang it at the stadium.

01:10:10.000 Listen to the lyrics.

01:10:10.000 Someone had to pick cotton, someone had to pick the corn, someone had to be a slave, and somebody had to sing.

01:10:17.000 That's why darkies were born. 1.00

01:10:20.000 That, you know...

01:10:22.000 I mean, all these things...

01:10:24.000 The song, which has been called a satirical take on racism, was a big hit for Smith and also was recorded by Paul Robeson.

01:10:32.000 Hmm.

01:10:34.000 Hmm.

01:10:35.000 So she wrote and sang God Bless America.

01:10:38.000 So the version that you would hear, like, God bless America...

01:10:41.000 She sang it.

01:10:42.000 So it recorded it.

01:10:43.000 So the version that you would hear would be back then.

01:10:46.000 Right.

01:10:46.000 See, that's a...

01:10:48.000 That's why she gets weird.

01:10:50.000 You know, there's been a lot of great people over the years that have had some horrible ideas.

01:10:57.000 So you have to wonder, like, if we just cut out the guy... 0.93

01:11:01.000 I mean, how many different people who have invented incredible things that we use all the time were also really shitty human beings? 0.77

01:11:10.000 You know about that Fritz Haber guy. 0.79

01:11:12.000 He created this method to extract nitrogen from the atmosphere.

01:11:19.000 And then you use it as fertilizer.

01:11:21.000 Because the air, apparently you think of the air as oxygen.

01:11:23.000 It's not.

01:11:24.000 Most of what you're breathing in, most of what our air is, is 80-something percent nitrogen.

01:11:32.000 And so this guy figured out a way how to extract nitrogen from the air, and because of that, population boomed.

01:11:36.000 Because we had more food.

01:11:37.000 Because they could lay down more...

01:11:41.000 More fertilizer.

01:11:42.000 So he did something good.

01:11:43.000 Yeah, but he also invented gas.

01:11:46.000 He was the first guy to propose and implement a poison gas strategy against Europe. 0.90

01:11:55.000 When they were – when the UK and when the – whatever the whole group in – I guess it was World War I or II where they did that.

01:12:04.000 I want to say it's two, right?

01:12:05.000 Is it two?

01:12:08.000 Whatever war it was in, they were the first people to get...

01:12:12.000 So this guy, who had created the Haber method for extracting nitrogen, at the same time was wanted for war crimes because he figured out how to gas the enemy.

01:12:25.000 And he was working for the Nazis and he was a Jew. 0.77

01:12:27.000 The whole thing is crazy. 0.66

01:12:28.000 It gets even crazier.

01:12:29.000 They eventually start imprisoning Jews and kick them out of the country, and he's still there. 1.00

01:12:33.000 And so he eventually winds up leaving. 0.99

01:12:36.000 His tale is fucking crazy. 0.97

01:12:39.000 But that guy also invented the same gas they used to gas the... 1.00

01:12:44.000 Gas the Jews in concentration camps. 0.63

01:12:46.000 He invented it, but he invented it with a smell to it so you could detect it.

01:12:51.000 And they were going to use it as like, I think it was a pesticide or something like that.

01:12:54.000 You're talking about a monster here.

01:12:56.000 He's a chemist.

01:12:57.000 Like John Lennon.

01:12:58.000 He wrote Benny and the Jets, but he smacked Yoko. 1.00

01:13:01.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:13:01.000 No big deal.

01:13:02.000 He's a monster, but he's one of the... 1.00

01:13:04.000 That's a monster. 0.69

01:13:04.000 They say that 50% of the nitrogen in our bodies today are from the Haber Method. 0.69

01:13:08.000 50%.

01:13:09.000 Yeah.

01:13:09.000 So he invented something that literally changed the way people can eat.

01:13:14.000 I mean, it probably saved billions of lives.

01:13:17.000 I mean, I don't know.

01:13:18.000 I mean, I'm just guessing.

01:13:19.000 But I would imagine one of the biggest problems...

01:13:23.000 That people had back then was when you couldn't grow things places, when you didn't have enough food.

01:13:28.000 I mean, it was a real touch-and-go situation before refrigeration and then before, you know, large-scale trucking and agriculture everywhere like we have today.

01:13:37.000 And how much of the nitrogen that we use came because this guy figured out otherwise they would just use like dead fish and things like that.

01:13:44.000 They had to have like compost. 0.99

01:13:45.000 That's what fertilizer was.

01:13:47.000 Bones.

01:13:48.000 They would grind up bones. 0.99

01:13:50.000 But he's also a monster. 0.99

01:13:51.000 Also, you know, they figured through his work how to kill people with gas. 0.99

01:13:57.000 They just gassed entire troops. 1.00

01:14:00.000 Fucking crazy shit, man, when no one had never done that before. 1.00

01:14:03.000 I mean, you gotta think, back then, people would... 1.00

01:14:06.000 I mean, think about the war, the independence war, right?

01:14:09.000 The war for independence against England when the British would wear those crazy outfits with the white right across their chest.

01:14:17.000 They were perfect targets.

01:14:18.000 So they'd be walking to the forest and these hillbillies would just pick them out.

01:14:22.000 Because they were walking like they were in some sort of old-timey war.

01:14:25.000 They used to do wars like they had rules for war. 0.90

01:14:28.000 And those rules for engagement, and then when a general would lose, he would hand his sword over to the other men.

01:14:33.000 Sometimes they wouldn't even take it, because they were trying to be polite.

01:14:36.000 And they would have these rules, like gentleman rules, for killing people.

01:14:41.000 And then this guy came out with a method.

01:14:43.000 Hey, how about this? 1.00

01:14:44.000 How about we just gas these motherfuckers? 1.00

01:14:47.000 Just drop gas on them. 1.00

01:14:49.000 Kill everybody. 1.00

01:14:50.000 Just let them choke to death in their own blood. 1.00

01:14:53.000 Literally your body is just vomiting blood. 1.00

01:14:56.000 It's coming out of your eyeballs.

01:14:58.000 Everyone around you is dying from the same thing.

01:15:00.000 You're just hemorrhaging.

01:15:02.000 Just dying.

01:15:03.000 Because some genius scientist who also created a method to extract nitrogen.

01:15:08.000 Out of the air that fed millions of hungry people also figured out a way to do this. 0.99

01:15:17.000 It's fucked up. 1.00

01:15:18.000 It's fucked up. 1.00

01:15:19.000 You just freaked me out. 0.99

01:15:21.000 Yeah, well, sometimes great people have done horrible, horrible things.

01:15:27.000 But that guy invented something that we all use.

01:15:30.000 It's a tricky thing being a person.

01:15:33.000 People are slippery.

01:15:34.000 There's a lot of good and bad about us.

01:15:38.000 It depends how you use it, Joe.

01:15:40.000 Yes.

01:15:41.000 Depends how you use it.

01:15:42.000 Well, that's why being a comic is one of the most fulfilling things of all time.

01:15:47.000 Because people get something out of it. 0.99

01:15:49.000 If they go to see you, the reason why you're willing to eat dick is because you want to develop these bits and have them crush. 0.99

01:15:56.000 Get them to that point where when people come to see you and they pay money to see you, boom! 0.99

01:16:00.000 You lay them on them and they're like...

01:16:02.000 That feeling that you can do, that you can give to someone when you see someone just laughing so hard, it's one of the greatest feelings a person can ever experience.

01:16:12.000 And not a lot of people get to experience it.

01:16:14.000 Can you imagine how important laughter is in your life?

01:16:19.000 After a certain point, like it's your, it's like, you know, you need sleep.

01:16:25.000 Yeah.

01:16:26.000 You need food.

01:16:27.000 And if you really have a laughter, but you also have to learn how to laugh at yourself.

01:16:33.000 Yes.

01:16:34.000 And once you conquer that, your life changes completely.

01:16:38.000 Yeah.

01:16:38.000 That's 50%.

01:16:39.000 You know, the number one killer is stress.

01:16:42.000 That's the number one thing that could kill you, is you being stressed out.

01:16:46.000 But humor? 1.00

01:16:48.000 I mean, I love getting high at night, doing edibles, and finding stupid videos, and watching an old stand-up reel, and just laughing my fucking ass off. 0.99

01:17:00.000 I love it. 0.99

01:17:01.000 I love it.

01:17:01.000 I'm enjoying it more every day.

01:17:03.000 And when you have kids, you really laugh at the shit they talk about, you know? 0.99

01:17:08.000 Dude, I laugh at kids' movies. 0.99

01:17:10.000 I watched Dora the Explorer, the live action one.

01:17:13.000 The new one?

01:17:13.000 The new one.

01:17:14.000 Yeah, tremendous.

01:17:15.000 It's hilarious.

01:17:16.000 Tremendous.

01:17:16.000 There's some legit laughs in that movie.

01:17:18.000 I got bad news for you people.

01:17:21.000 I got bad news for you people.

01:17:22.000 The last couple of years I've gone to see maybe seven or eight mainstream films, but I've probably seen 20 kid films.

01:17:31.000 Yeah.

01:17:32.000 And I leave those films blown away. 0.97

01:17:34.000 You know what's fucking great? 0.97

01:17:36.000 Which one? 0.98

01:17:36.000 Jumanji. 0.98

01:17:37.000 I haven't seen one yet.

01:17:38.000 It's as good if not better than the first one. 0.98

01:17:41.000 The first one was fucking great. 0.98

01:17:42.000 Those movies are all... 0.97

01:17:43.000 At least you leave there feeling something.

01:17:46.000 You know, like... 0.99

01:17:47.000 Some of these movies I go watch, I'm like, what the fuck was that? 0.96

01:17:51.000 Jumanji hits a perfect balance between... 1.00

01:17:55.000 It's a family movie, but they don't treat you like you're a moron. 0.99

01:18:01.000 It's fun. 0.99

01:18:03.000 They're trapped in a video game, so it doesn't have to make sense.

01:18:05.000 It can be crazy.

01:18:06.000 So it is crazy. 0.99

01:18:07.000 But it's a fucking great movie. 0.99

01:18:10.000 It's a great movie. 0.99

01:18:11.000 Both of them are great.

01:18:12.000 They're fun.

01:18:13.000 You leave, you feel good.

01:18:15.000 You laugh your ass off. 0.67

01:18:16.000 You do feel good.

01:18:17.000 And they ride the edge perfectly of it being enjoyable for old people, but hilarious for kids.

01:18:24.000 Kids think Jumanji's hilarious.

01:18:26.000 So you can sit there and watch.

01:18:27.000 You know, I took my nine-year-old the other day.

01:18:29.000 We watched it for the second time.

01:18:30.000 Just me and her.

01:18:31.000 Laughing.

01:18:32.000 Bah! 0.97

01:18:33.000 I thought it was so funny.

01:18:34.000 The Rock is great.

01:18:36.000 Kevin Hart's great.

01:18:36.000 That chick who plays...

01:18:37.000 I don't want a spoiler alert in it because she plays more than one role for some strange reason.

01:18:42.000 I don't want a spoiler alert. 0.97

01:18:43.000 But she's fucking fantastic. 0.99

01:18:46.000 The Asian lady that was in Crazy Rich Asians. 1.00

01:18:48.000 What is her name?

01:18:49.000 Awkwafina. 0.94

01:18:50.000 Yeah.

01:18:50.000 How crazy is that name?

01:18:51.000 Did she make that name up?

01:18:52.000 She must have.

01:18:52.000 She's a rapper too.

01:18:54.000 She's a rapper? 1.00

01:18:54.000 Yes, she was also. 1.00

01:18:56.000 No.

01:18:56.000 Yeah.

01:18:57.000 Really?

01:18:57.000 Yeah.

01:18:58.000 No.

01:18:58.000 Well, that makes sense.

01:18:59.000 I can't say without giving it away why she's so good, but goddamn, she's hilarious. 1.00

01:19:05.000 I'll tell you what I like the most that has really given me a great bond with my daughter. 0.92

01:19:11.000 That some of these Pixar movies use music from our era.

01:19:17.000 You don't know how many times I'm in a car driving and I'm listening to classic rock and she's in the back singing. 0.92

01:19:26.000 And I'm like, my dick just got hard. 0.97

01:19:29.000 She knows my music. 0.99

01:19:31.000 That's hilarious.

01:19:33.000 She knows my music.

01:19:34.000 And it's because of those...

01:19:37.000 I don't know what Pixar movies are exactly, but they use music from our era.

01:19:43.000 And she'll go, Daddy, I know that song.

01:19:45.000 Let me see the video.

01:19:46.000 Well, they do that with some movies.

01:19:49.000 Like, Marvel did it the best with Guardians of the Galaxy.

01:19:54.000 Chris Pratt's character is into cool old songs.

01:19:58.000 Like, if you ride the ride at Disneyland, they have a Guardians of the Galaxy ride, and in it is all these cool songs.

01:20:05.000 Like, Jackson 5 or Slow Ride.

01:20:09.000 Like, crazy cool old school songs.

01:20:12.000 That play while he's going through his adventures.

01:20:15.000 So part of Guardians of the Galaxy, he's got headphones on.

01:20:18.000 What is that song he's listening to? 0.98

01:20:21.000 Yeah, he's got this one song, he's got an old school cassette Walkman, and he's got the headphones on and shit, and he's kicking the shit out of aliens while he's listening to this badass song. 0.72

01:20:32.000 But it's like, those old classics, there's something about songs that are from a different time that it's not just that it's a great song, but it's also that it's history.

01:20:43.000 Like, it's both things, you know?

01:20:44.000 The music my daughter listens to, I Wanna Kill Myself.

01:20:48.000 Hooked on a Feeling, that's it.

01:20:50.000 Blue Suede. 0.99

01:20:51.000 All that music drives me fucking crazy. 0.98

01:20:55.000 I like that one jam, you know. 0.90

01:20:57.000 What's the one that came with Miley Cyrus' father?

01:21:01.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:21:02.000 Old Town Road. 1.00

01:21:02.000 That must have killed your fucking house. 1.00

01:21:05.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:21:05.000 My kids wouldn't stop singing it. 1.00

01:21:06.000 They wouldn't stop.

01:21:07.000 My daughter was singing it.

01:21:08.000 I think that's the most popular single of all time.

01:21:12.000 Of all time.

01:21:13.000 That's amazing. 0.99

01:21:14.000 Fucking... 0.99

01:21:15.000 Now, you gotta remember one thing. 0.99

01:21:16.000 When I first stepped foot on the stage about a year later, Billy Ray Cyrus blew up.

01:21:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:21:23.000 I still remember doing open mic that followed a breakdance.

01:21:27.000 What was it called?

01:21:28.000 Line dancing class.

01:21:30.000 Yeah.

01:21:30.000 In Colorado, in Arvada, Colorado, on Sunday nights.

01:21:34.000 Don't tell my heart.

01:21:35.000 Yeah.

01:21:35.000 Icky, bricky heart.

01:21:36.000 People went nuts.

01:21:37.000 Yeah.

01:21:38.000 This is what I'm talking about.

01:21:39.000 I love when people go, oh, well, Billy Ray Cyrus, he's dead.

01:21:43.000 Really?

01:21:44.000 No. 1.00

01:21:44.000 He just showed up with a kid and blew up the fucking world. 1.00

01:21:49.000 35, 30 years later. 1.00

01:21:51.000 I'll tell you what, man.

01:21:52.000 His daughter is very talented.

01:21:55.000 His daughter hasn't even gotten started yet.

01:21:56.000 Very talented.

01:21:56.000 No.

01:21:57.000 She hasn't even gotten started yet.

01:21:58.000 Don't even worry about it. 0.99

01:21:59.000 If you listen to Jolene, you listen to her cover, Jolene, like, holy shit, man. 0.99

01:22:04.000 Bro, she sang some... 0.99

01:22:06.000 She sang... 1.00

01:22:08.000 When we leave here, put on fucking the tribute to Chris Cornell, what she sang, and you're gonna die. 1.00

01:22:16.000 You're gonna just say goodbye, say hello to heaven, and get goosebumps. 0.99

01:22:21.000 She hasn't even... 1.00

01:22:23.000 Let her go paint her hair, show her titties, show her pussy. 1.00

01:22:27.000 Get married a few times. 1.00

01:22:28.000 She's gonna get married a few times. 1.00

01:22:29.000 Have fun.

01:22:30.000 She's got enough dough in her last three lifetimes right now. 0.99

01:22:32.000 Yeah.

01:22:33.000 Let her go do her thing, but her true calling is going to come back, and she's going to level the music industry. 1.00

01:22:40.000 Yeah.

01:22:40.000 Because she's, yeah, say goodbye to heaven.

01:22:42.000 I think it's, yeah, say hello to heaven.

01:22:44.000 Temple of the dog.

01:22:46.000 Say hello to heaven.

01:22:48.000 Yeah.

01:22:49.000 I want to hear this later.

01:22:50.000 Bookmark that for me, Jamie.

01:22:52.000 God, I wish we could play music. 0.99

01:22:54.000 Yeah, she fucks them up. 1.00

01:22:55.000 Wouldn't that be great if we could just play music during the podcast? 0.98

01:22:58.000 Yeah, we gotta get some...

01:23:00.000 You have no idea how talented she is. 0.89

01:23:02.000 She's phenomenal. 1.00

01:23:03.000 I love her last album.

01:23:04.000 That song Malibu, have you heard Malibu? 1.00

01:23:07.000 It's a great fucking song. 1.00

01:23:08.000 She's just taking time off. 0.99

01:23:10.000 But she's a real artist.

01:23:12.000 You know, first she got on the I'm not gonna smoke dope like Pete Davidson. 1.00

01:23:15.000 And that shit lasted, you know. 1.00

01:23:17.000 I bumped into Pete Davidson. 1.00

01:23:19.000 Are you getting high again? 1.00

01:23:20.000 He goes, fuck yeah. 1.00

01:23:21.000 I think if the pussy's too good, I gotta be getting high. 1.00

01:23:25.000 You know, they go on that kick, they're not gonna smoke no more. 1.00

01:23:29.000 You know, you gotta do something.

01:23:30.000 I love the reefer.

01:23:31.000 I love it in the morning.

01:23:33.000 I got some strawberry cough the other day.

01:23:35.000 Oh my God.

01:23:37.000 Have you seen the Speedweed Box of Doom?

01:23:39.000 You gotta open that thing up.

01:23:41.000 It lights up like the suitcase in Pulp Fiction. 0.99

01:23:45.000 Well, Gino has some tremendous fucking... 0.99

01:23:48.000 And these little tobacco things, these little blunts. 1.00

01:23:51.000 Yes, the blunts.

01:23:51.000 I love them.

01:23:52.000 You're not a blunt guy, and I'm not a blunt guy.

01:23:53.000 I am a blunt guy now.

01:23:55.000 But I love his blunts.

01:23:56.000 Yeah.

01:23:57.000 Well, you know who turned me into a blunt guy?

01:23:59.000 It's Charlie Murphy.

01:24:00.000 Charlie Murphy, the first time I ever got high with him, he rolled a blunt.

01:24:04.000 And he would do it old school.

01:24:05.000 He would buy packages of Swisher Sweets. 1.00

01:24:08.000 He'd cut those fuckers open. 1.00

01:24:10.000 You know, a lot of guys break them open with their finger. 1.00

01:24:12.000 I don't remember if he broke it open with his finger, but Charlie knew how to roll a blunt.

01:24:15.000 Like, he would roll a blunt.

01:24:16.000 You know who else rolls a blunt?

01:24:17.000 Real good?

01:24:18.000 Luis Gomez. 0.99

01:24:20.000 Luis Gomez rolls a legit blunt, breaks down the tobacco, takes the fucking leaf out, flattens the leaf, rolls the weed inside of it. 0.99

01:24:30.000 Perfect blunt. 0.99

01:24:31.000 Like, skills.

01:24:32.000 Like, I admire dudes who can fix things, and I admire dudes who can roll a tight joint.

01:24:39.000 You know, like a dude who knows how to fix an engine.

01:24:41.000 Like, oh, carburetor is this and that.

01:24:43.000 We're just going to run the line.

01:24:45.000 We'll clear it out.

01:24:46.000 And then we'll add new spark plugs.

01:24:47.000 And I go, wow, I can't do that.

01:24:49.000 I got to hire a guy to do that.

01:24:50.000 I can't turn the wrench.

01:24:51.000 I'm not good at it.

01:24:52.000 I never learned.

01:24:54.000 I admire it. 1.00

01:24:55.000 I could fucking roll a nasty joint. 0.99

01:24:58.000 I admire that. 0.99

01:24:59.000 I can't do it.

01:25:00.000 The blunt's a special thing.

01:25:02.000 You gotta learn how to break down the tobacco paper.

01:25:04.000 And I cheat sometimes and buy the blunt wrap.

01:25:07.000 But it's just not the same.

01:25:08.000 You know, last week I called you after I did Bert's thing.

01:25:11.000 And he had a Cuban dude doing cigars.

01:25:14.000 And Bert said to him, let me ask you a question.

01:25:17.000 What if I gave you an ounce of dope? 0.75

01:25:19.000 Can you roll it up?

01:25:20.000 And he rolled it up in two cigars.

01:25:22.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:25:23.000 And they were fucking tremendous. 0.99

01:25:25.000 I mean, fucking tremendous. 0.99

01:25:27.000 Tommy Chong gave me this. 0.99

01:25:30.000 Yeah, it's too big.

01:25:31.000 That's just too big.

01:25:33.000 Listen, it's all cute.

01:25:35.000 It starts off cute.

01:25:37.000 Like, you burn, you know, you burn an inch of it or two.

01:25:42.000 I don't want to light it, though.

01:25:43.000 I'll miss it.

01:25:44.000 I like keeping it right here on my desk.

01:25:46.000 Because when I was a kid, when I was little, Big Bamboo, my stepdad had Big Bamboo, and I listened to it when I was like...

01:25:53.000 I mean, I couldn't have been more than nine.

01:25:56.000 I was nine years old and I was listening to that.

01:25:58.000 Did that have Sister Mary Elephant on it? 0.81

01:26:00.000 I don't remember.

01:26:01.000 I remember it.

01:26:02.000 I think Big Bamboo was the one where they're like, Dave's not here, man.

01:26:06.000 I think that was that one.

01:26:09.000 Just to know those guys. 0.99

01:26:11.000 How fucking genius was that? 1.00

01:26:12.000 Tommy Chong is a goddamn genius and so is Cheech. 1.00

01:26:14.000 That they still put a rolling paper in the thing in the album? 0.99

01:26:19.000 Yeah, the album was rolling paper.

01:26:20.000 Sister Mary Elephant.

01:26:22.000 Yes, Ralph and Herbie.

01:26:24.000 Let's make a dope deal. 1.00

01:26:25.000 That's right.

01:26:26.000 Let's make a dope deal. 1.00

01:26:28.000 If you want me to tell you something, this is why I got into podcasting.

01:26:33.000 This was my biggest appeal about podcasting, that guys like you and I grew up on listening to Pryor, Cheech and Chong, Carlin.

01:26:45.000 My albums of choice as a kid were, there were three by Richard Pryor, This one, and I liked Lenny Bruce Live from Carnegie Hall for some reason.

01:27:00.000 That's my album collection of stand-up comedy.

01:27:03.000 I love a bicentennial nigga. 0.99

01:27:06.000 The nigga's crazy. 1.00

01:27:07.000 Was it something I said? 0.99

01:27:09.000 That's Richard Pryor's best work.

01:27:11.000 Those are great, great albums.

01:27:12.000 That's Richard Pryor's best work.

01:27:13.000 Great, great albums.

01:27:15.000 Just raw and it makes you listen.

01:27:18.000 You know, this year was the first time since 1987 that the albums outsold DVDs.

01:27:25.000 They're making a big comeback.

01:27:27.000 Really? 0.99

01:27:27.000 We made a big fucking mistake 30 years ago. 0.99

01:27:30.000 We all drank the fucking Kool-Aid and it wasn't worth it. 1.00

01:27:33.000 There was some jerk-off people, you know, again. 1.00

01:27:35.000 What do you mean?

01:27:37.000 We were doing great with the album.

01:27:40.000 The music industry was doing great with a thing called the album.

01:27:43.000 Why?

01:27:43.000 Because you want to buy Kiss on Saturday?

01:27:45.000 This fucking guy wants to buy Led Zeppelin on Saturday and I want to buy REO Speedwagon. 1.00

01:27:51.000 You all got paper routes. 1.00

01:27:52.000 On Saturday, we got to walk down to the fucking record store, look around. 0.99

01:27:56.000 He changed his mind. 0.99

01:27:57.000 He went with Jethro Tull.

01:27:59.000 Then we went back to your house, because your mom worked on Saturdays, and we got two joints, and we rolled them up in the album.

01:28:05.000 It was a process.

01:28:06.000 You put the album on, and you rolled, and you read the lyrics, and you read the things that they put in it.

01:28:11.000 And they took that away from you.

01:28:14.000 The first dudes were the dudes who went to the real, the real.

01:28:19.000 Oh, real to real is the way to go.

01:28:21.000 I've heard of people, but I didn't know anybody personally.

01:28:23.000 Yeah, nobody was buying them.

01:28:25.000 Real to real is crazy. 0.99

01:28:25.000 I got to show up with a movie thing to listen to fucking Julius Priest. 0.99

01:28:29.000 And you got to spool it. 0.99

01:28:29.000 And you got to spool it and the whole thing. 0.99

01:28:31.000 So that went out fucking quick. 0.92

01:28:33.000 Then they switched to something else. 0.98

01:28:35.000 8-track?

01:28:36.000 No, the 8-track was already gone pretty much.

01:28:39.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:28:40.000 The 8-track started to move out.

01:28:41.000 Cassette was big.

01:28:43.000 Cassettes were big.

01:28:44.000 I remember mini discs.

01:28:45.000 What's that?

01:28:46.000 Mini discs?

01:28:46.000 Mini discs.

01:28:48.000 Mini discs.

01:28:50.000 Wow.

01:28:51.000 And then I remember the CD. But then, I still remember buying, like, movies.

01:28:57.000 Like, going to Amoeba, buying a movie. 0.99

01:29:00.000 Opening up the thing and it'd just be like an advertiser and a fucking CD. And that's when I stopped. 0.99

01:29:05.000 I go, this is what I'm getting for my money now. 0.99

01:29:08.000 So when I buy a fucking CD from a record label, I open it up and it's a CD. They don't even put time into the cover anymore. 0.98

01:29:16.000 When you buy Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here album, Jesus Christ, they must have put a year just into the cover.

01:29:24.000 The guy shaking the guy's hand at Warner Brothers and the other guy's lighting on fire.

01:29:29.000 They put time in.

01:29:30.000 So I think that, and everybody kept saying sound.

01:29:35.000 Well, the sound, CD did it. 0.98

01:29:37.000 Listen, just to put that fucking needle on there again, I wonder how many fucking turntables were sold in America last year for the album to come back. 0.98

01:29:48.000 And I have one in my office, and I go to two different places once a month. 0.99

01:29:53.000 Do you listen with headphones, or do you listen just to speakers?

01:29:55.000 When I listen in the office, I put them on with the speakers at the office.

01:30:02.000 When I listen to it at home, I got the headphones.

01:30:07.000 It's...

01:30:08.000 It's a different experience, right?

01:30:10.000 You're sitting down like you're watching a show, almost.

01:30:13.000 The thing about music when I'm streaming it is I'm almost always doing something.

01:30:19.000 I'm very rarely just listening to music.

01:30:22.000 I'm always listening to music while I'm driving or listening to music while I'm working out or while I'm flying.

01:30:27.000 I don't hardly ever just listen to music.

01:30:30.000 I sit down.

01:30:31.000 But when you have an album, when you have a record player, I think that It would definitely make you more inclined to treat it like an event, you know?

01:30:41.000 Just have a cup of coffee, smoke a joint, sit on the couch, just listen to it.

01:30:47.000 Just listen to it.

01:30:48.000 Listen to some bars, you know?

01:30:50.000 Listen, I get anxiety about 20 to 8 every night.

01:30:54.000 20 to 8?

01:30:54.000 20 to 8. Right around that same time?

01:30:57.000 Yeah, because for years, that's when I was thinking about how I was going to score Coke.

01:31:03.000 Ah.

01:31:04.000 So till this day, that's the PTSD I got.

01:31:07.000 At 7.30, I started getting anxiety.

01:31:09.000 I started getting itchy.

01:31:11.000 I gotta move.

01:31:12.000 I gotta make a move.

01:31:13.000 And what I finally, what I really wanted and intended to do was to maybe go to jujitsu at night.

01:31:19.000 But it's out of the question.

01:31:20.000 You know, my boy just got a 5.30 class.

01:31:23.000 I've been trying to make it for three weeks.

01:31:25.000 5.30 is just rough.

01:31:27.000 I'm a 10 o'clock in the morning type of guy.

01:31:30.000 12, the latest.

01:31:32.000 I used to always take the 8.30 class at night.

01:31:34.000 That's at this age.

01:31:38.000 It was hard to go on stage afterwards, too.

01:31:43.000 I don't mind all that.

01:31:45.000 After an hour and a half of rolling and everything? 0.99

01:31:48.000 You're not fucking killing yourself for an hour and a half. 0.99

01:31:51.000 You warm up, and you drill the technique, and then you fucking... 0.99

01:31:55.000 For me, I do three rolls, and I gotta go. 0.99

01:31:58.000 After that, I'm just...

01:31:59.000 It's a long diminishing.

01:32:01.000 Dude, when I was training at Tenth Planet...

01:32:03.000 All the time with Eddie's nighttime class, 830 class.

01:32:07.000 Yeah, a month.

01:32:08.000 Filled with murderers.

01:32:09.000 Murderers? 1.00

01:32:10.000 It was kill or be killed.

01:32:12.000 And then you'd go, oh, nice guys, so I don't want to meet it in a bad way. 0.64

01:32:14.000 No, no, no.

01:32:15.000 No one was hurting anybody.

01:32:16.000 They were just really good.

01:32:17.000 But you would go from that and then I'd go on stage.

01:32:20.000 I'd feel spent.

01:32:21.000 Sometimes I'd go on stage afterwards and I'd have flat sets because I was just too tired.

01:32:25.000 I was just too mellowed out.

01:32:27.000 I'd spend 90 minutes with guys on your back trying to strangle you and trying to It's just, you get there, you don't have the same pop.

01:32:35.000 Do you work out at night still?

01:32:37.000 I like to work out at all different hours of the day.

01:32:40.000 That's what I like to do.

01:32:41.000 When was the last time you worked out at night?

01:32:43.000 All the time.

01:32:44.000 Like three days ago, maybe?

01:32:46.000 What time?

01:32:47.000 Late.

01:32:48.000 10.30?

01:32:50.000 See, I could do that.

01:32:51.000 When people are asleep, that's what I like to do.

01:32:53.000 When people are asleep, I put fights on.

01:32:55.000 Put fights on. 0.99

01:32:56.000 Just, you know, got all the shit there. 0.99

01:32:58.000 I got kettlebells there. 0.99

01:32:59.000 I got a bar there.

01:33:01.000 I got chin-up bars.

01:33:02.000 I got, you know, things to do with that glute hand machine.

01:33:05.000 I do sit-ups off of that and back extensions.

01:33:07.000 I would just do like nine sets of kettlebells.

01:33:10.000 Like swings, cleans, a couple goblet squats.

01:33:14.000 And I'd be happy like at 10.30.

01:33:16.000 It's a zone.

01:33:17.000 At 7 o'clock, dog, 7.30, 8 o'clock, I got to rush.

01:33:21.000 But not, it's not really, it's kind of an exercise.

01:33:24.000 But I got to get out of the house.

01:33:26.000 So I usually go by the office.

01:33:29.000 I do two bonk hits and I listen to one side of an album.

01:33:32.000 I just pick an album.

01:33:34.000 Some nights it's comedy, some nights it's fucking rock music, and once the album is over, I shut it off, put the album back on the cover, and I get in the car and I go, I'm like, nothing happened. 0.60

01:33:44.000 Most of the nights I do that, I really don't have nothing to do. 0.90

01:33:48.000 So I got a half-hour window.

01:33:51.000 I put her in the tub, I leave, and by the time I come back, nobody knows nothing.

01:33:55.000 Let me ask you this.

01:33:57.000 Do you, when you're writing comedy, like when you're working on bits, are you...

01:34:05.000 How much time are you spending off stage and how do you do it?

01:34:10.000 Are you one of those guys that has an idea and you drive around? 0.99

01:34:13.000 I know a lot of guys don't even like writing shit down. 0.96

01:34:15.000 They just have an idea and they just bounce it around while they're driving around. 0.97

01:34:18.000 And then maybe they'll remember some bullet points or they'll bounce it off a friend and then they'll try to do it on stage.

01:34:23.000 How are you doing it?

01:34:26.000 Now because I'm very serious about it.

01:34:31.000 It starts with a pad and a piece of paper.

01:34:34.000 And pray to God that I could just remember the idea to get it out of me at the Comedy Store.

01:34:40.000 I just want to get the idea out.

01:34:43.000 Let's worry about the joke later.

01:34:47.000 So that's the first thing.

01:34:49.000 Right.

01:34:49.000 So you have a premise.

01:34:50.000 You get the structure of the premise.

01:34:51.000 Let me get this out. 1.00

01:34:53.000 I want to talk about that Netflix show, Don't Fuck With Cats. 0.99

01:34:56.000 I keep forgetting. 1.00

01:34:58.000 Don't fuck with cats. 1.00

01:35:00.000 That's rule number one that they told me when I moved from Cuba. 1.00

01:35:03.000 I threw a rock at a cat one day and a black guy goes, yo, don't fuck with them motherfuckers. 1.00

01:35:09.000 Some dude on the internet decided to fuck with cats. 1.00

01:35:12.000 And have you watched the series? 0.98

01:35:14.000 No.

01:35:15.000 It's going to blow your mind.

01:35:17.000 It's going to blow your mind.

01:35:18.000 It's a Netflix show?

01:35:20.000 Netflix 10 episode documentary. 1.00

01:35:22.000 It's called Don't Fuck With Cats? 0.99

01:35:24.000 What did you get me involved in, Joe Diaz? 1.00

01:35:26.000 It's called Don't Fuck With Cats? 1.00

01:35:27.000 Don't Fuck With Cats. 1.00

01:35:30.000 I think it's only three episodes. 1.00

01:35:32.000 I watched two of them last night, actually.

01:35:34.000 Is it good? 0.98

01:35:35.000 Yeah, it's like, remember the old school internet shit from the early 2000s where there was weird shit online? 0.98

01:35:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:41.000 People were discovering who the fuck was doing some of that and they fell down some fucking weird holes. 1.00

01:35:46.000 Oh, really? 1.00

01:35:47.000 This is crazy shit. 1.00

01:35:48.000 Yeah? 1.00

01:35:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:49.000 Disturbing as fuck. 1.00

01:35:50.000 Is it three episodes? 1.00

01:35:51.000 Because I watched two and a half.

01:35:53.000 I believe so, yeah.

01:35:53.000 I watched three of them.

01:35:54.000 Yeah, I think it's just three.

01:35:55.000 I thought it was more than that. 1.00

01:35:56.000 It's called Don't Fuck With Cats? 1.00

01:35:57.000 Don't Fuck With Cats? 1.00

01:35:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:59.000 That's it. 1.00

01:36:00.000 That's it. 1.00

01:36:02.000 Don't Fuck With Cats. 1.00

01:36:03.000 Because this is how the party starts. 1.00

01:36:05.000 Oh, my God.

01:36:08.000 Tremendous.

01:36:09.000 And you know who else was on TV last week?

01:36:11.000 The reason why I called you but I didn't want to tell you until afterward.

01:36:14.000 I wanted to talk to you about it on the show.

01:36:16.000 Our boy made a comeback.

01:36:18.000 He ain't gonna lie.

01:36:19.000 He got another week and a half left to live.

01:36:21.000 Who?

01:36:22.000 Michael Bowden made a comeback.

01:36:24.000 Because when the Epstein family...

01:36:26.000 Michael Badden.

01:36:26.000 Badden.

01:36:27.000 Yeah.

01:36:27.000 The Epstein family hired him to do a private...

01:36:29.000 Yes.

01:36:29.000 Did you watch it on 60 Minutes?

01:36:30.000 Yeah, I did.

01:36:31.000 Okay, that's my boy!

01:36:33.000 Yeah.

01:36:33.000 My boy!

01:36:34.000 I used to love that show.

01:36:35.000 Finally!

01:36:35.000 You and me both!

01:36:36.000 Oh my God, that awesome show.

01:36:37.000 Because I still remember having conversations with you about saying, you can't commit a crime with that guy around.

01:36:43.000 Oh, he's too good.

01:36:44.000 Because once he gets on it, the most memorable thing he ever busted was...

01:36:49.000 You ready for this, G? They found a torso in New Jersey that belonged to a woman.

01:36:54.000 The guy did a great job.

01:36:56.000 He cut her waist, he cut her arms, her head, and he threw her whole body into the ocean. 0.80

01:37:02.000 The sharks got everything except the torso.

01:37:05.000 Torso just washed up in seaside heights or some Jersey shore town.

01:37:10.000 You remember this episode?

01:37:11.000 I kind of remember that. 1.00

01:37:12.000 And then she fucking had fake tits. 1.00

01:37:15.000 Oh, that's right. 1.00

01:37:16.000 So he took the serial numbers from the tits, found out who she was. 0.88

01:37:20.000 But no, no, it gets better.

01:37:22.000 He went deep into the murky waters.

01:37:23.000 He also went into his stomach.

01:37:25.000 And the food that she had eaten hadn't been processed.

01:37:28.000 So there was a certain clam.

01:37:31.000 It was a certain type of clam that couldn't be found.

01:37:34.000 It wasn't there.

01:37:36.000 And it could have either been Boston or New Jersey.

01:37:38.000 I'm not putting the blame on nobody.

01:37:40.000 Right, right.

01:37:40.000 I remember this now.

01:37:41.000 So he found out her whereabouts and he found out, he called like every restaurant in that area to see who would have that specific type of clam. 0.96

01:37:51.000 And he fucking caught the killer because he paid for it with his credit card. 0.97

01:37:56.000 Whoa. 0.99

01:37:58.000 So he went and found out the specific clam and what restaurant in that area sold it.

01:38:04.000 And that's what she had in her stomach.

01:38:06.000 They weren't cherry stones or the other ones.

01:38:09.000 They were the other ones.

01:38:10.000 There was the most horrific story from that one.

01:38:13.000 One episode where they had this guy, I believe he was a doctor, and he was infatuated with this woman who was this patient.

01:38:19.000 And when she died, I think he had married her one time, or something like that.

01:38:25.000 He had some kind of relationship with her.

01:38:26.000 He dug up her body and kept it in his house. 1.00

01:38:30.000 And put a tube where her vagina is so he could still have sex with her. 1.00

01:38:34.000 And he was buying cases and cases of perfume. 1.00

01:38:38.000 And I think that's what tipped people off.

01:38:40.000 This guy was buying cases of perfume because she was rotting in his bed. 1.00

01:38:46.000 So he would cover her with perfume.

01:38:49.000 What was the name of that show?

01:38:51.000 Autopsy.

01:38:53.000 HBO Autopsy.

01:38:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:38:55.000 Fucking great show. 0.99

01:38:56.000 Great show, and it would come out like at one. 0.99

01:38:58.000 So he studies Jeffrey Epstein, and he finds out that there's breaks in Jeffrey Epstein's neck that he's never seen ever in a hanging, and only seen from strangulation, only seen from murders.

01:39:12.000 Did you see how they said that he hung himself?

01:39:15.000 Yeah. 0.92

01:39:15.000 Am I retarded? 0.92

01:39:16.000 Am I the only one that's missing this?

01:39:19.000 They're trying to find...

01:39:20.000 It's a four-foot wall.

01:39:22.000 Yeah.

01:39:22.000 And he threw himself against a wall and went down with, really?

01:39:25.000 Right. 0.99

01:39:26.000 The neck had blood, but the fucking thing didn't have blood on it. 1.00

01:39:30.000 It's such a horrible fucking thing. 1.00

01:39:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:33.000 The cops, the overtime, they had been working, the tapes got shut off.

01:39:37.000 How about the fact that they deleted the first tapes?

01:39:39.000 So he had an original attempt on his life, and then they had a second one.

01:39:45.000 And they can't find the tapes for the second one, and then they accidentally deleted the tapes from the first one.

01:39:51.000 I mean, it's not 1930. It's 2020. If they can get away with that in 2020, I mean, I don't know how far anyone's gonna track this down.

01:40:02.000 How far, like how motivated they are.

01:40:05.000 Well, the reason why he got arrested in the first place is because people did talk about it and they did get motivated to do something.

01:40:12.000 Because they're like, how does a guy get arrested for having sex with underage kids and then only get like 13 months?

01:40:19.000 And then during that 13 months, basically he was like, he just had to return at night.

01:40:26.000 Right?

01:40:26.000 He had the ability to travel and go wherever he wanted?

01:40:29.000 Yeah, he had 16 hours work release for the day.

01:40:31.000 He could go to his office.

01:40:33.000 Literally, all he had to do was sleep there every night.

01:40:35.000 So it was an inconvenience.

01:40:37.000 An inconvenience for him.

01:40:39.000 And everybody's like, what?

01:40:41.000 And then when you start thinking about the stories and the jet and the island and all the craziness, you're like, this is not a movie?

01:40:48.000 This is real?

01:40:49.000 This is not a movie.

01:40:50.000 There was an island where an intelligence agent would take...

01:40:57.000 Scientists and heads of state, and they would bang chicks? 1.00

01:41:01.000 That intelligence thing is...

01:41:03.000 I'll just say strong rumor, because it's only been mentioned by a few people, and that ABC report didn't mention it at all.

01:41:11.000 Maybe they left it out.

01:41:12.000 I don't think they can prove it.

01:41:13.000 When someone says something, is there a recording of that guy?

01:41:18.000 Remember the guy that said that he was told that Epstein was intelligence and he was above his pay grade?

01:41:22.000 Yeah, Acosta.

01:41:23.000 What's his name again?

01:41:26.000 Jim?

01:41:26.000 I don't know.

01:41:27.000 Jim Acosta.

01:41:28.000 Jim Acosta.

01:41:29.000 Jim Acosta.

01:41:29.000 He got fired, though, or he had to resign after they went and looked into this and he got rearrested.

01:41:36.000 I have not seen Bombshell.

01:41:37.000 Have you seen Bombshell?

01:41:39.000 That's that new Charisse Theron.

01:41:43.000 She plays Megyn Kelly, right?

01:41:46.000 Roger Ailes.

01:41:47.000 Yeah.

01:41:48.000 And it's all about the sexual harassment.

01:41:51.000 And I was watching...

01:41:52.000 The ladies watched it together, the actual women that lived it, and then they, afterwards, they talked about it.

01:42:01.000 They talked about what was real and what was not real. 0.99

01:42:03.000 But one thing that was real is Roger Ailes would make them stand in front of him and twirl around so they could see their ass, so he could see their ass. 0.99

01:42:11.000 So imagine, you're a woman, you get this job, you're going to be an anchor. 0.99

01:42:15.000 Like, I'm really excited to work for you, Mr. Ailes.

01:42:17.000 Thank you.

01:42:18.000 Alright, this is what I want you to do. 1.00

01:42:20.000 I want to see your ass. 1.00

01:42:21.000 I want you to spin around. 0.99

01:42:25.000 And so he, I mean, that's a weird, is that a real picture?

01:42:32.000 Photoshopped for press release.

01:42:34.000 Doesn't it look fake?

01:42:35.000 Doesn't it look like a fake picture?

01:42:36.000 They probably weren't all next to each other.

01:42:39.000 Hmm.

01:42:40.000 What is Megyn Kelly complaining about? 0.96

01:42:43.000 She was sexually harassed.

01:42:44.000 Oh yeah, everybody was.

01:42:46.000 At Fox?

01:42:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:42:48.000 Apparently this guy, Roger, that's his name, Roger Ailes, right? 0.97

01:42:51.000 What they're saying is that, you know, he would say, I want to see you naked, I want to see you in lingerie, I want to see naked pictures of you. 1.00

01:42:58.000 He was just a dirty old fat dude who just harassed the fuck out of all the women that worked there. 1.00

01:43:05.000 And that was how they did it. 1.00

01:43:08.000 Is that in the movie?

01:43:09.000 Yeah, that's in the movie.

01:43:10.000 Yeah, that's John Lithgow, right?

01:43:12.000 They put him in a fat suit, right?

01:43:13.000 They didn't make him get that fat.

01:43:14.000 I don't think so.

01:43:15.000 That's a lot of weight if he did. 1.00

01:43:16.000 Yeah, that's some heart attack shit. 0.99

01:43:17.000 He's a fairly healthy guy. 1.00

01:43:20.000 But that guy's dead, right?

01:43:23.000 Didn't he die?

01:43:23.000 I think Roger Ailes died.

01:43:25.000 I'm pretty sure.

01:43:29.000 Look at him.

01:43:31.000 Go back to those pictures.

01:43:33.000 Go back to images.

01:43:35.000 I mean, look at that one, the one in the middle.

01:43:38.000 Look at the one in the middle up top with his red tie out.

01:43:41.000 Yeah, right there.

01:43:41.000 Look at that.

01:43:43.000 I mean, if he was alone with her, what the fuck do you imagine he would say? 1.00

01:43:47.000 What kind of creepy shit do you imagine that dude would say? 1.00

01:43:51.000 Women always think like a guy like that that looks disgusting, that you would never have, like, I would never have sex with him. 1.00

01:43:57.000 He knows that. 0.99

01:43:59.000 A guy that's that rich and that powerful...

01:44:04.000 Like, and looks like that, he doesn't even probably know that he doesn't have any game.

01:44:08.000 Like, he probably thinks that he has game.

01:44:10.000 He probably thinks this is a part of why he became rich and famous in the first place.

01:44:14.000 These powerful men, before all this stuff went down, these guys that ran these gigantic companies, and this is just what they did.

01:44:23.000 So they all did.

01:44:24.000 And they got away with it.

01:44:25.000 Everybody knew, right?

01:44:26.000 I mean, how many companies are like...

01:44:28.000 Here's the big question.

01:44:29.000 How long has this been going on?

01:44:31.000 How long have men and women even been working together like that?

01:44:34.000 Doesn't Jordan Peterson talk about this?

01:44:36.000 That it hasn't really been that long.

01:44:38.000 Like, you know, in the 1800s, men and women didn't work together in offices like this?

01:44:44.000 I didn't watch Mad Men, but isn't that what that whole show is kind of about?

01:44:47.000 I think so.

01:44:48.000 That relationship between the secretaries and the wives and the husbands and... 0.90

01:44:53.000 It's real recent for people, for men and women to be alongside each other all day that you don't even know each other and you're in an office together.

01:45:01.000 Throughout all of human history, when people got together and worked together, they were a tribe.

01:45:05.000 They were a community. 0.96

01:45:06.000 It wasn't strange, random guys that just got hired by fucking HR to come down and sit next to you in your office and ask you questions about how you conduct yourself. 0.98

01:45:16.000 Like, who are you? 0.96

01:45:17.000 No, everybody in those days worked with people they knew, right? 0.97

01:45:21.000 Like, if you were in a blacksmith's office or a blacksmith's workshop, everybody fucking knew everybody.

01:45:28.000 They worked together. 0.94

01:45:29.000 One of my nieces just had to go... 1.00

01:45:34.000 And she got summoned to talk to somebody.

01:45:40.000 She's going to medical school now.

01:45:42.000 But where she got her regular degree.

01:45:47.000 A couple weeks ago she had to go. 0.99

01:45:49.000 She got a fucking letter in the mail and they asked her about this teacher and what she thought. 1.00

01:45:55.000 She had to spill her guts and they had to go and fucking get this teacher fired, you know. 1.00

01:46:01.000 He wasn't doing anything sexual, it was what he was saying. 1.00

01:46:04.000 Saying creepy shit? 0.99

01:46:05.000 He was touching him. 1.00

01:46:06.000 He was 60-something, you know.

01:46:09.000 He's probably been doing his whole life.

01:46:10.000 I had to confront him and, you know.

01:46:13.000 Well, that's what you have to think about priests, right?

01:46:16.000 They're still doing it, right?

01:46:18.000 They still keep getting caught.

01:46:20.000 But they've been doing that their whole life.

01:46:22.000 And the people before them did it to them.

01:46:24.000 And there's generation after generation after generation of child molester priests. 0.98

01:46:29.000 It's one of the craziest things that Catholics just accept. 1.00

01:46:35.000 Because most Catholics are not pedophiles.

01:46:38.000 Most Catholics are good people that want a bunch of great people to live together with certain rules, and they think if you abide by these rules, then you're doing the work of God.

01:46:48.000 But the people at the top, there's a certain percentage of them, I don't know what the number is, that are definitely pedophiles.

01:46:55.000 And it's a high number in comparison to every other job. 0.89

01:46:59.000 25% of dentists were pedophiles. 0.90

01:47:03.000 We would all have rotten teeth. 0.99

01:47:05.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:47:06.000 I mean, think about all the different professions.

01:47:08.000 Lawyers. 0.99

01:47:09.000 If 25% of lawyers were pedophiles, we'd light their buildings on fire. 1.00

01:47:12.000 The fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:47:14.000 But for some reason, I don't know what the percentage is. 1.00

01:47:16.000 I don't think it's 25% of priests.

01:47:18.000 What do you think it is? 1.00

01:47:19.000 Here's the fucking thing with the priest thing. 1.00

01:47:21.000 That kills me. 1.00

01:47:23.000 The priest thing worked pretty much.

01:47:26.000 It was a no, no...

01:47:29.000 I mean, we're talking about the 60s and 70s.

01:47:31.000 I did a Google search on the grammar school I went to.

01:47:36.000 Just a look.

01:47:38.000 Just a look.

01:47:38.000 I went to Sacred Heart School for Boys.

01:47:41.000 And one day I went on there, one night I was high, and I just went on a Google search and went down a foxhole and went on a couple Reddit pages of people saying different things.

01:47:52.000 And you know what?

01:47:53.000 I swear to God, there was nothing about Sacred Heart School for boys in there.

01:47:57.000 You couldn't find them.

01:47:58.000 But I looked up a different church that was close to my house, and it was 200 cases.

01:48:06.000 Nobody gets prosecuted, and they move you to another archdiocese, and you start your little charade again. 0.89

01:48:13.000 And then when you start, let's say you fuck up four fucking different states, like let's say you go from Jersey to Minneapolis to San Diego, then to Louisiana, then they ship you overseas. 0.80

01:48:27.000 Once too many letters start to come in about this situation, then they ship you overseas. 0.99

01:48:33.000 And they'll put you at the fucking Vatican or whatever. 0.98

01:48:36.000 That's what's got me fired up. 1.00

01:48:38.000 I grew up in this.

01:48:39.000 Did I get molested as a kid?

01:48:40.000 No.

01:48:41.000 Did a priest bother me?

01:48:42.000 No.

01:48:42.000 I wish I could sit here and tell you.

01:48:45.000 Was I an altar boy?

01:48:46.000 No.

01:48:46.000 I worked a bingo.

01:48:48.000 So I didn't really have much contact with the fucking priest. 0.99

01:48:52.000 You know, when I did Vinnie Brand's room, we did the stress factory. 0.99

01:48:57.000 One of my friends sat in the front row.

01:48:59.000 He was my neighbor.

01:49:00.000 He lived two doors down next to us.

01:49:02.000 And after the show, we were laughing.

01:49:03.000 And we were laughing about the pedophiles in the neighborhood, how we would torment them. 0.99

01:49:08.000 Like, we knew they were pedos. 0.98

01:49:09.000 We had a guy that played two-hand touch with us with no underwear on. 0.95

01:49:13.000 Puerto Rican Nelson.

01:49:15.000 And then his lure was ice cream. 1.00

01:49:18.000 We'd take the ice cream and then we'd tell him to go fuck himself. 1.00

01:49:20.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:49:21.000 We're not going back to your apartment. 1.00

01:49:22.000 We'll fucking kill you. 1.00

01:49:24.000 You knew. 1.00

01:49:25.000 They got pointed out. 1.00

01:49:26.000 The story I tell about New York about the fucking guy that used to chase little kids and shit like that. 1.00

01:49:33.000 That's a true story. 0.99

01:49:34.000 It's not a joke.

01:49:35.000 It's a joke on stage.

01:49:36.000 But that's a true story.

01:49:37.000 You knew who the kids, the people were in your neighborhood.

01:49:41.000 They had gotten called out in the 70s and 80s.

01:49:44.000 You knew. 1.00

01:49:44.000 Don't fuck with that dude. 1.00

01:49:46.000 You know, there's a cop in my neighborhood where I grew up. 1.00

01:49:50.000 I just found this out.

01:49:51.000 I just found this out.

01:49:54.000 That there's a cop in my neighborhood that was dear friends with that I grew up with.

01:49:57.000 He had two younger brothers that were twins.

01:50:00.000 One of the younger brothers went to jail for murder. 1.00

01:50:03.000 He killed this fucking gay guy. 1.00

01:50:06.000 What just came out was that that gay guy was molesting him. 1.00

01:50:09.000 He gave him a summer job when he was in the 8th grade and started molesting him. 0.87

01:50:15.000 And they still reduced the sentence.

01:50:17.000 He went back and murdered him as an adult. 1.00

01:50:21.000 He came back one day when he was 30, fucking murdered him. 1.00

01:50:24.000 I think they gave him six years from voluntary manslaughter. 0.99

01:50:27.000 He pleaded it down.

01:50:29.000 But this is, you know, it's...

01:50:32.000 You don't want to...

01:50:33.000 When it comes to my daughter, I don't trust nobody.

01:50:36.000 And you said a joke up on stage the one day that I know is not a joke. 0.89

01:50:40.000 I'll keep shooting you. 1.00

01:50:41.000 I'm going to keep shooting you. 1.00

01:50:43.000 And whoever, your mother, your wife, I'm going. 1.00

01:50:46.000 I'm going.

01:50:47.000 That's why it's better that...

01:50:49.000 Like Cuban parents. 1.00

01:50:50.000 You can sleep over here.

01:50:52.000 But we ain't sending my kid nowhere.

01:50:55.000 Because this is how it starts.

01:50:57.000 Did you watch Never Never Land?

01:50:58.000 No, I didn't.

01:50:59.000 Okay, Never Never Land is disturbing.

01:51:01.000 Now, what is it?

01:51:02.000 Escape from Never Land?

01:51:03.000 What are you talking about?

01:51:06.000 It's Monday.

01:51:07.000 That's something for the spirits.

01:51:09.000 Might have to let another joint. 0.98

01:51:10.000 Yeah, you have to get another joint because I'm ready to rock and roll here.

01:51:13.000 One of these blunts.

01:51:14.000 You got any more blunts?

01:51:15.000 Yeah, I got some more blunts.

01:51:16.000 I'll go grab one.

01:51:16.000 Hold on.

01:51:18.000 Sorry about that fart, Joe Rogan.

01:51:20.000 No worries, I've experienced it before.

01:51:21.000 No, I've had one of those whey protein...

01:51:24.000 I can't even...

01:51:31.000 I told you.

01:51:33.000 I'm sorry, I was looking for a percentage number.

01:51:36.000 I was trying to find the number of priests versus accusations, but Los Angeles, it seems like 10% of the priests, maybe?

01:51:43.000 Jesus Christ.

01:51:44.000 There's about 600 priests, and at least 70 of them or so have been accused. 0.99

01:51:48.000 Oh, God damn it. 0.97

01:51:50.000 That might be high. 0.99

01:51:51.000 It might be low.

01:51:51.000 I don't know.

01:51:52.000 That's a lot.

01:51:53.000 If that's the nationwide thing, imagine if that's the same.

01:51:56.000 It's mirrored or even worse.

01:51:57.000 It paid out $3 billion.

01:51:58.000 Have you seen it running an ad? 1.00

01:52:00.000 Have you been molested by a Boy Scout or a fucking priest? 1.00

01:52:04.000 Call this number. 1.00

01:52:05.000 It's never too late.

01:52:06.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:52:09.000 They paid out $3 billion?

01:52:12.000 $500 plus just in Los Angeles.

01:52:14.000 Oh my God.

01:52:17.000 10 years ago.

01:52:18.000 That was 10 years ago.

01:52:19.000 It's just crazy that no one ever says, hey, maybe this isn't really what God wants.

01:52:27.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:52:28.000 I mean, the people that are in the church, the people that are believers, the people that love to dress up nice and go and behave kind and see all the people in the community at the church, there's a good feeling that people get from going to church.

01:52:43.000 But the fact that it's connected to that, it's so insane that it's still there.

01:52:50.000 It's so insane that it hasn't been rooted out.

01:52:53.000 That this is still a giant problem.

01:52:56.000 And relatively few people are going to jail.

01:53:00.000 Like, relatively few.

01:53:01.000 Like, you know who they wanted?

01:53:03.000 They wanted that Ratzinger, that Pope Ratzinger.

01:53:07.000 That's one of the reasons why he had to step down, and one of the reasons why he stays in the Vatican.

01:53:11.000 I was reading some article about them bringing up charges, crimes against humanity against him.

01:53:17.000 That other countries wanted to do that because this guy used to ship kids or he used to ship priests to places where they wouldn't get in trouble like he had this one guy who was accused of molesting boys and so he shipped them to this place where he worked with deaf kids and he molested over a hundred deaf kids. 0.56

01:53:36.000 It's like, what did you do?

01:53:38.000 Like, you shipped a child molester to a bunch of people that wouldn't be able to talk about it well.

01:53:45.000 He'd be able to get away with it easier there.

01:53:47.000 If they settle the case, that means it doesn't get prosecuted, right?

01:53:50.000 So that's why they won't go to jail?

01:53:51.000 Is that why they haven't gone to jail?

01:53:53.000 Dude, I don't understand it.

01:53:55.000 I don't understand it either.

01:53:56.000 I'm looking up, there's reports on why aren't they going to jail, and I'm like, if you settle a case, you don't, like, they don't keep prosecuting you.

01:54:01.000 I just, I guess if you make a, like, the person decides to drop charges?

01:54:06.000 There was a guy in Boston, they were gonna fucking give $100,000, they were gonna put him under the jail.

01:54:13.000 There was some guy in Boston, I read about years ago, they were gonna put him under the jail. 0.88

01:54:17.000 Now I keep it simple.

01:54:19.000 I'm still a Catholic.

01:54:20.000 I just don't go to church.

01:54:22.000 I don't want to deal with none of those people.

01:54:23.000 I don't want to deal with none of them.

01:54:24.000 At any religious level, I don't want to deal with them. 0.61

01:54:27.000 The problem is whenever people get into a position where everybody, for the most part, is humble around them and scared of them and they have power.

01:54:38.000 I remember when my grandmother died.

01:54:40.000 We went to her funeral and the guy couldn't remember her name.

01:54:44.000 My grandmother's name was Josephine.

01:54:46.000 He kept calling her Geraldine.

01:54:48.000 And the priest who was delivering the service, we had to interrupt him, say, Josephine!

01:54:53.000 And he was, like, annoyed that they interrupted him.

01:54:56.000 He's like, yes, Josephine.

01:54:58.000 Like, he changed the name.

01:55:00.000 Like, he didn't even know her name.

01:55:03.000 And when he's there to deliver this God's message for the last, you know, last time, the family's going to view the body.

01:55:14.000 And he doesn't know her name.

01:55:15.000 And when he was corrected, he was angry at us.

01:55:19.000 Like, he had these gin blossoms all over his face.

01:55:22.000 He's just some weird old guy who got tricked into this very strange life, and now it's at its end. 0.99

01:55:31.000 And he's been living with robes on, supposedly being celibate his whole fucking life, while people kiss his ass and pretend that he's something special because he talks about the Word of God. 0.99

01:55:40.000 But you can just see in that one moment where he wasn't even embarrassed that he said the wrong name. 0.99

01:55:46.000 He was upset that people were correcting him.

01:55:49.000 Because you don't correct priests.

01:55:51.000 So he's used to that assault.

01:55:52.000 There's no one checking him.

01:55:53.000 There's no one checking them at all.

01:55:55.000 Everyone who goes there is in this state of worship, and they're the ones who deliver the Word of God dressed like wizards.

01:56:04.000 They're the only people in society that are allowed to dress like wizards in modern American society. 1.00

01:56:11.000 They dress like fucking wizards. 1.00

01:56:13.000 And we're like, yeah, that's how father dresses. 1.00

01:56:16.000 Father dresses like a wizard.

01:56:18.000 Do you know how people are going to look back at that and go, why didn't they think the outfits were weird? 0.78

01:56:23.000 Why didn't they think it was silly that this pedophile dresses up like a wizard and you're not supposed to say anything to him?

01:56:29.000 What is that? 0.88

01:56:30.000 Like, what is with the outfits? 1.00

01:56:32.000 The fact that all that shit's still around. 0.99

01:56:35.000 Like, there's nowhere in the Bible that says priests have to dress like that. 1.00

01:56:39.000 Nowhere.

01:56:40.000 There's nowhere.

01:56:43.000 The whole thing is so bizarre.

01:56:45.000 You're wearing stuff that made you look like you were very special to really poor people 500 years ago.

01:56:55.000 That's what you're wearing.

01:56:56.000 You're wearing stuff that would impress people that didn't know any better, that probably couldn't read.

01:57:01.000 And so before Martin Luther translated The scriptures so that people could read it like a phonetic language.

01:57:09.000 Before that, people had no idea what the priests were reading.

01:57:13.000 They just relied on the priest.

01:57:14.000 They relied on the priest to tell them what the Word of God was.

01:57:18.000 But now all of a sudden they could read it for themselves.

01:57:20.000 And Martin Luther was saying, you should probably interpret it yourself too.

01:57:23.000 And they were like, oh my God.

01:57:25.000 Were either of you old enough to go to church when it was still in Latin?

01:57:29.000 Oh, they would say some things?

01:57:31.000 They used to only be in Latin until like the 70s or 60s or something.

01:57:35.000 Really?

01:57:35.000 Yeah.

01:57:36.000 I remember they would say some things in Latin because I remember I'd be five years old going, what in the fuck are these people talking about? 0.83

01:57:42.000 What type of kid were you between the age of five and ten? 0.96

01:57:44.000 Oh.

01:57:45.000 Were you aggressive?

01:57:46.000 Were you quiet?

01:57:47.000 Were you introverted?

01:57:48.000 No, I was much more introverted.

01:57:49.000 Okay.

01:57:50.000 From the ages of 5 and 10, I went through white chains until I got hit in the head with a lunchbox.

01:57:55.000 But I believed.

01:57:57.000 I really did believe, Joe.

01:57:59.000 I really did believe.

01:58:00.000 I believed in God. 1.00

01:58:03.000 I believed that a ton of shit. 1.00

01:58:06.000 Then I got introduced to Catholic school and that just fucked me up completely. 1.00

01:58:11.000 Because I believed, but I didn't believe on the tail end of it. 0.99

01:58:14.000 If we're supposed to be loving, why is this nun smacking me? 1.00

01:58:19.000 Why is this nun hitting me with a fucking ruler? 1.00

01:58:21.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:58:22.000 And then I saw the anger in their heart, and it turned me off completely.

01:58:26.000 Like, I didn't like it.

01:58:28.000 Today, I'm still a Catholic in some ports. 1.00

01:58:31.000 When my body goes, I like to go to a fucking church, you know? 0.99

01:58:35.000 But I don't hold it. 0.99

01:58:36.000 I remember selling cars in Boulder. 0.96

01:58:41.000 And a guy came in, and we started talking, and he was 50, wasn't a good-looking guy, looked like that fucking guy, and he had like a 20-year-old chick with him. 1.00

01:58:51.000 And obviously, after taking him on a demo ride, I figured out that he could fuck her and shit. 1.00

01:58:57.000 No, I realized that he was fucking her. 1.00

01:59:01.000 She was like his receptionist or something. 0.99

01:59:03.000 But after when we got back, I also realized he was my father-in-law's friend.

01:59:07.000 Oh.

01:59:09.000 So I asked my father more about him.

01:59:11.000 He didn't say, he's on the board of the church with us.

01:59:13.000 He's a great man.

01:59:14.000 And I still remember him.

01:59:16.000 This was Sacred Heart Church in Boulder, Colorado.

01:59:19.000 In fact, that's the same church the head of the football team went to. 0.99

01:59:23.000 Bill McCarthy and all that shit. 1.00

01:59:24.000 I'd see his fucking family there. 1.00

01:59:26.000 And they'd all sit in the front of this fucking scumbag. 1.00

01:59:30.000 Would sit in the second pew with his fat fucking ugly wife. 1.00

01:59:34.000 You know, she had the ugliest fucking wife in the fucking church. 1.00

01:59:37.000 They would hit her with the net, with that money net. 1.00

01:59:40.000 They would just hit her with it. 1.00

01:59:41.000 Like, fuck you, she's ugly. 1.00

01:59:43.000 But the point was that... 1.00

01:59:46.000 I never respected it. 1.00

01:59:47.000 You're cheating on your wife and you're right there playing the fucking I'm a good guy. 1.00

01:59:53.000 That's a classic story. 1.00

01:59:54.000 You know what the classic story is? 0.99

01:59:55.000 The big one is the anti-gay pastor that turns out to be gay. 0.98

01:59:59.000 There's so many of them. 0.98

02:00:02.000 Wasn't there one where a guy got busted because he was trying to use an Arby's card?

02:00:08.000 Wasn't that the case?

02:00:10.000 That's a common one. 0.99

02:00:12.000 The anti-gay pastor that turns out to be gay. 0.97

02:00:14.000 Please let people preach the word of the Lord. 1.00

02:00:17.000 Yes, and say you've got to stay away from the gay folks. 1.00

02:00:20.000 Missouri church leader tried to pay for sex on Grindr with Arby's card. 1.00

02:00:27.000 Whoa! 0.92

02:00:29.000 Look, it's a hustle that they got away with probably forever.

02:00:35.000 They probably hid...

02:00:39.000 Like, who they were and what they were doing forever with this act and this smokescreen.

02:00:44.000 And you could kind of get away with it for a long time.

02:00:47.000 But that, you can't get away with that today.

02:00:52.000 Why are you so against gay people? 0.97

02:00:56.000 They have those camps where they send you to get anti-gay because you're gay. 0.98

02:01:00.000 They take in, they take the Lord into you. 1.00

02:01:02.000 They touch your dick is what they do. 1.00

02:01:04.000 People that have been to those Pray the Gay Away camps, they claim that guys were hugging them with full heart-ons behind them, telling them it's alright, that God loves them. 1.00

02:01:12.000 This guy was pressing his dick against this guy's buttocks. 1.00

02:01:16.000 Like, they made him sit, like, almost in a rear naked choke position, where the guy who's the counselor's behind you, with his dick against your back. 1.00

02:01:25.000 Like, hey, what are you doing? 1.00

02:01:27.000 Is this really God's plan?

02:01:28.000 There's a South Park episode about this.

02:01:30.000 Need to see.

02:01:31.000 Didn't see it. 0.98

02:01:32.000 That sucks. 1.00

02:01:33.000 Butters goes to pray the gay away camp. 1.00

02:01:36.000 Oh my god! 1.00

02:01:37.000 It's called Cartman Sucks.

02:01:39.000 It's from Season 11, Episode 2, 2007. Ah, perfect.

02:01:43.000 Yeah, there's been a lot of those.

02:01:45.000 There's been a lot of, like, real recounts, you know, recountings where people went to those camps and they're like, oh my god, everyone was gay. 0.99

02:01:52.000 It's like everyone was, like, even the counselors, the guys who were saying they were going to pray the gay away, they were just trying to fuck you. 1.00

02:01:59.000 I don't know how much fucking they do or how much they just hang on to your back with a heart on and pretend that nothing's going on. 1.00

02:02:05.000 I don't know what really goes on. 0.99

02:02:07.000 But whenever you got someone who's that adamant about it, you gotta wonder.

02:02:12.000 Anybody ever try to make a move on you?

02:02:14.000 Oh yeah.

02:02:15.000 When you were a kid?

02:02:16.000 Yeah, a couple times.

02:02:17.000 From five to how old?

02:02:19.000 The scariest one was when I was 13. When I was 13, I was in Boston.

02:02:24.000 One time it happened before, but a librarian saved me.

02:02:26.000 I was like eight.

02:02:28.000 I was in San Francisco, and I was really into monster books back then.

02:02:33.000 I was into monster movies and monster books, and I was looking at these books, and this creepy dude came over to me, and he said, you like monster books?

02:02:39.000 And I said, yeah.

02:02:40.000 And he said, well, I have monster books in my car.

02:02:43.000 Do you want to come see them?

02:02:44.000 I said, okay.

02:02:47.000 Eight years old. 0.98

02:02:47.000 I was dumb. 0.98

02:02:48.000 Started walking behind him and the librarian screams out, Joseph, you get away from him. 0.93

02:02:52.000 He just got out of jail.

02:02:54.000 I'm like, oh my god.

02:02:55.000 And the guy ran.

02:02:56.000 And I ran to the librarian and she hugged me and I was crying.

02:02:59.000 It was very scary.

02:03:01.000 When I was 13, I got in a car with a guy.

02:03:04.000 It was freezing out.

02:03:06.000 Bus wasn't coming.

02:03:07.000 I had the basketball.

02:03:09.000 I was at St. Michael's Gym.

02:03:10.000 I got on Kennedy Boulevard. 1.00

02:03:11.000 Next thing you know, fucking... 0.99

02:03:14.000 There's no number one bus. 1.00

02:03:16.000 I'm there fucking an hour and a half and ten below. 0.92

02:03:19.000 You know, guy pulls up. 0.98

02:03:20.000 You want a ride?

02:03:21.000 Yeah, get in there.

02:03:23.000 And I still remember how he acted.

02:03:26.000 Like, from the beginning, from the minute I got in, something wasn't right.

02:03:31.000 His energy wasn't right.

02:03:32.000 And he thought he had prey.

02:03:35.000 You know, he ran all hot and sticky.

02:03:37.000 He was like, we were 18, and we were taking a girl back to our apartment.

02:03:42.000 You know, we were kind of clumsy.

02:03:45.000 He was clumsy.

02:03:46.000 And at the light, he went for the ball.

02:03:48.000 He goes, you like playing basketball? 1.00

02:03:49.000 And he went for the ball, and then he touched my dick. 1.00

02:03:52.000 Like he slipped into the hole. 1.00

02:03:54.000 Oh, Kevin Spacey.

02:03:55.000 You like it? 0.98

02:03:56.000 And I was like, do I fucking like it? 0.99

02:03:58.000 And Joe Rogan, the door opened. 0.99

02:04:01.000 It was like God opened the fucking door and I just got out and ran. 0.99

02:04:05.000 He kept saying, come back. 1.00

02:04:06.000 I was just teasing you.

02:04:07.000 Come on, I'll give you a ride.

02:04:09.000 I was already home.

02:04:10.000 I was already at the top of Schutzen Park. 1.00

02:04:12.000 What did I give a fuck? 0.99

02:04:13.000 But that was basic. 0.99

02:04:14.000 And I always think about that.

02:04:15.000 Like why didn't...

02:04:17.000 People approach me.

02:04:19.000 I knew today, looking back, I still remember three guys.

02:04:22.000 I remember a high school teacher that would come on as a basketball guru.

02:04:28.000 And I found out, and I always thought a little weird about him.

02:04:31.000 I'm not married, you know. 1.00

02:04:33.000 And then years ago, somebody said, yeah, he was sucking kids' dicks at the field and shit. 1.00

02:04:39.000 I had a guy slow play me at a lake. 1.00

02:04:42.000 There was a guy that used to run around the lake and talk to us when we were fishing.

02:04:46.000 We were probably like 13. Me and my friend Josh, in particular, we would go to this one lake that was in our town.

02:04:54.000 And we'd fish there all the time.

02:04:56.000 And this dude would come by all the time and visit.

02:04:58.000 He was always friendly.

02:04:59.000 Started off real normal.

02:05:00.000 What are you guys up to?

02:05:01.000 Catching some fish?

02:05:02.000 Like, southern accent.

02:05:04.000 Seemed like an old gentleman.

02:05:07.000 Then a couple times he came when it was just me and Then he just sat down next to me and talked to me and I was naive.

02:05:15.000 I was 13 I just thought he was a real nice guy like almost like a older brother type figure It's gonna give you a good advice. 0.98

02:05:22.000 He talked about cool shit. 0.98

02:05:23.000 He was a teacher He got kicked out of his position for some unfair reason. 0.98

02:05:29.000 He wouldn't really be specific about it But he said, you know, they didn't like the way he taught And so anyway, this dude just becomes my friend, like nice and slow, nice and slow.

02:05:40.000 Brings me lunch.

02:05:41.000 I even went to his house once.

02:05:44.000 And then one day, I am fishing and he's drunk.

02:05:49.000 And he tells me he loves me.

02:05:52.000 And I think I said something like, I really like you too.

02:05:55.000 He goes, you know, there can't be love without sex.

02:06:02.000 And I remember thinking, what?

02:06:05.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:06:07.000 Like, what did he just...

02:06:08.000 What happened? 0.97

02:06:10.000 And then I remember thinking, what a dummy I am.

02:06:13.000 I thought this guy just liked me.

02:06:16.000 I was his buddy.

02:06:17.000 He's going to teach me things.

02:06:19.000 He just likes teaching people.

02:06:20.000 He's just really smart.

02:06:21.000 I had my hand on a knife.

02:06:23.000 I had a Swiss Army knife and them little red plastic ones, you know the ones?

02:06:26.000 With the can opener? 0.99

02:06:27.000 Yeah, they have all the kind of shit. 0.99

02:06:29.000 And all I was thinking is I put it in my hand, in my pocket, like I held on to it. 1.00

02:06:34.000 And I remember thinking, God damn it, I hope I don't have to fucking try to use this. 0.99

02:06:37.000 Because I was thinking, it's like, he was a big guy. 0.99

02:06:40.000 You know, I was 13. I don't know what I weighed, 120 pounds or something.

02:06:44.000 I'm like, fuck, this guy might beat the shit out of me and rape me here in the woods. 1.00

02:06:48.000 Like, he was bigger than me and he was always jogging. 1.00

02:06:50.000 You know, he wasn't in bad shape. 0.99

02:06:54.000 And he, uh, I told him to get the fuck away from me. 0.98

02:06:57.000 And he told me to not be upset. 0.99

02:07:00.000 And then I left.

02:07:01.000 I got away.

02:07:02.000 He didn't chase me.

02:07:05.000 He didn't want to be violent. 1.00

02:07:07.000 He wanted to trick me into fucking him. 1.00

02:07:09.000 He didn't want to rape me. 1.00

02:07:10.000 He wanted to trick me into fucking him. 1.00

02:07:12.000 I got real lucky that that was the case. 0.99

02:07:15.000 But then years later, I got a letter from him at my house.

02:07:19.000 That was creepy.

02:07:21.000 Because it showed up in the mailbox.

02:07:22.000 He had figured out where I moved to and sent me a letter.

02:07:27.000 And I'm like, whoa.

02:07:28.000 And it was like real, like friendly and professional.

02:07:32.000 Like a real professor, like a scholar.

02:07:35.000 I don't even remember if he ever apologized.

02:07:39.000 But it was real weird.

02:07:41.000 It was like, ooh, I dodged that bullet. 0.99

02:07:43.000 How many guys that are like that but aren't nice, they just want to get you close and then rape you? 1.00

02:07:49.000 That's much more likely, probably. 1.00

02:07:52.000 That is some horrific shit, man. 1.00

02:07:56.000 With Puerto Rican Nelson, I went to his house. 1.00

02:07:59.000 That's his name?

02:07:59.000 That's what we called him.

02:08:01.000 He was Puerto Rican, and his name was Nelson.

02:08:03.000 And he lived on Givinette Terrace.

02:08:05.000 He lived next to the Altinos, but in the back. 0.99

02:08:09.000 And I think he raped guys with a black dude. 1.00

02:08:12.000 Like, there was a black friend of his that would come over there, and then they'd give you beer and all that shit. 1.00

02:08:18.000 So he took you in as, you like pussy. 1.00

02:08:41.000 I'll get you weed. 1.00

02:08:45.000 And then he introduced our black friend to him. 1.00

02:08:48.000 And his black friend just looked fucking retarded. 1.00

02:08:51.000 Like his afro was cut weird. 1.00

02:08:53.000 He had weird hair.

02:08:55.000 And I remember him distinctively speaking about the Rock of Gibraltar.

02:09:00.000 How he had just come back from Africa.

02:09:02.000 And we were young kids.

02:09:03.000 Like, wow.

02:09:05.000 And then once he showed us the porn, it came out like a week later, somebody said, bro, that dude's no good.

02:09:15.000 I asked, what's his name? 1.00

02:09:16.000 He went over to the internet and he asked me if he could suck his dick. 1.00

02:09:20.000 So we're like, what do we do here? 1.00

02:09:22.000 Do we call the cops?

02:09:23.000 Or do we tell Carmine?

02:09:25.000 We're like, no, let's just play the guy.

02:09:27.000 Because he was selling us weed.

02:09:29.000 He was like a bartender in the city and would sell us weed.

02:09:32.000 And then he pursued the porno thing with us.

02:09:36.000 He's like, you guys don't understand. 1.00

02:09:38.000 And then he talked us into, he was like, I'm going to fuck my girlfriend. 0.99

02:09:42.000 Come over and listen. 0.99

02:09:44.000 And we would come over there at night and listen.

02:09:47.000 He would leave the window open. 1.00

02:09:48.000 And it was his girlfriend and him fucking. 1.00

02:09:50.000 And she would be saying, give me milk, daddy. 1.00

02:09:54.000 Give me milk, daddy.

02:09:55.000 And we'd like get creeped out and ran out of there one day. 0.99

02:10:00.000 And then one day we actually fucking went back. 0.92

02:10:03.000 Then he got normal. 0.96

02:10:05.000 I think with the misunderstanding with the one guy, he got normal.

02:10:09.000 Somebody checked him and he got normal.

02:10:13.000 And then the next summer was when he would come out and play football with us with a robe on with no underwear. 1.00

02:10:20.000 With just his dick out. 1.00

02:10:22.000 And we're like, what the fuck is this guy doing? 1.00

02:10:25.000 He went to desperate measures of perversion. 0.99

02:10:29.000 And I think Mrs. Zanotti said something to him. 1.00

02:10:32.000 You can't be doing that around here with your dick out. 0.99

02:10:34.000 And he's like, no, no, I just want to get exercise or something like he told us something weird. 1.00

02:10:38.000 And that was the end of that.

02:10:40.000 You know what's the classic relationship? 1.00

02:10:42.000 The classic relationship with crazy old gay guys is the crazy old gay guy and the young guy that's having sex with him for money, right? 1.00

02:10:54.000 There's a lot of those cases. 0.99

02:10:57.000 Is that more accepted in the gay community than it is in the straight community? 0.97

02:11:01.000 Because, like, in the straight community, if a guy is paying a girl for sex, it's prostitution. 0.97

02:11:07.000 And everybody's upset. 0.96

02:11:09.000 But is that how it is in the gay community? 1.00

02:11:12.000 Like, do guys give a fuck? 1.00

02:11:13.000 Like, how many gay prostitutes get arrested? 1.00

02:11:16.000 Is it even close to as many as straight ones? 0.86

02:11:19.000 Like, I would assume, like, no one's getting arrested.

02:11:23.000 Like, is that...

02:11:24.000 How many... 1.00

02:11:26.000 Gay prostitutes get arrested. 1.00

02:11:28.000 I think they do. 1.00

02:11:29.000 You think they do?

02:11:30.000 There's probably just less numbers, so it's probably proportionally smaller.

02:11:33.000 I would think there's a lot of them.

02:11:34.000 You think there's less of them?

02:11:36.000 Probably less than overall, just for the numbers.

02:11:39.000 Yeah.

02:11:40.000 We live in a place that's made of dreams. 0.87

02:11:42.000 When people fucking have dreams, they'll do anything for them. 0.98

02:11:46.000 Don't do anything from Joe Rogan. 0.97

02:11:48.000 I mean, look at all the situations we've discussed just today alone. 0.84

02:11:51.000 Harvey, Eric Epstein, Bikram, you know, Marilyn Monroe, that guy two weeks ago that two people died of speed in his house, that fucking nutcase in L.A. That same guy? 0.94

02:12:05.000 That's right, Ed Buck. 0.98

02:12:06.000 More people died there?

02:12:07.000 No, no, I'm just saying that he finally got arrested.

02:12:10.000 Oh, I thought, you know, we're living in a...

02:12:12.000 Oh, my God.

02:12:13.000 And it's such a shame that... 1.00

02:12:15.000 That's what you do for a living is fuck with people's dreams. 0.99

02:12:19.000 Well, I think that Ed Buck guy is probably just a serious addict who's got some money, right? 1.00

02:12:25.000 You know, taking a homeless guy. 0.74

02:12:27.000 And shooting him up with drugs. 0.97

02:12:28.000 Shooting him up with drugs.

02:12:31.000 When I first got here, the hot book was You'll Never Work In This Town Again. 0.99

02:12:35.000 And it was a hooker who fucking did a tell-all book about Don Henley calling her up to her house and they had a bend over and Don Henley would snort coke off their assholes and then get up and plug them once and sit back down and just sit there. 1.00

02:12:49.000 So you had to go to Don Henley's house, he had a fireplace, four women, and he would just say, bend over naked. 1.00

02:12:55.000 Goddamn Don Henley. 1.00

02:12:56.000 He would snort coke, get up, fuck you for a minute, and then sit back down and snort more coke. 1.00

02:13:02.000 You know, she told all those stories of different movie stars and shit like that. 1.00

02:13:06.000 I would be disappointed if he lived any other way. 0.98

02:13:09.000 I would think that if you're living back then, too, rock star back then, You almost were required to do something ridiculous. 1.00

02:13:16.000 Everybody was doing ridiculous shit. 0.99

02:13:18.000 There was no clean and sober rock stars back then, were there? 0.99

02:13:23.000 That hadn't even happened yet, where people cleaned up.

02:13:26.000 People clean up regularly now.

02:13:28.000 It's a big part of society.

02:13:30.000 People improve.

02:13:30.000 How many people cleaned up back in the day?

02:13:34.000 Right?

02:13:36.000 Artists?

02:13:37.000 Artists that were, like, really into drugs?

02:13:39.000 They just died.

02:13:40.000 They just died.

02:13:41.000 Yeah.

02:13:42.000 They didn't really know what it was.

02:13:43.000 Kurt, obviously, suicide or whatever, depending on which documentary you're into. 0.99

02:13:47.000 The creepiest fucking thing I saw was 1983. I went back to New York and I got a job at an electrical warehouse called Swift Electric. 0.99

02:13:58.000 And I had to load trucks.

02:13:59.000 My job was I'd get there in the morning, look at the bill of laden's, you know, put 12 fucking 12 feet pipe in your truck, wiring, screws. 0.99

02:14:09.000 And there was this one fucking driver, bro, that was 45 years old and his wife was 15. Whoa. 0.99

02:14:17.000 And he would bring her to work with her.

02:14:20.000 Jesus.

02:14:20.000 She'd be in the front seat.

02:14:21.000 She did not go to school.

02:14:24.000 She's 15. The owner knew.

02:14:25.000 Everybody knew.

02:14:26.000 If you looked at him, you could tell he wasn't all there.

02:14:29.000 Oof.

02:14:30.000 And I remember asking him once, like, is this your daughter?

02:14:32.000 And he goes, that's my wife.

02:14:34.000 I go, she's 15, 14. He goes, yeah, the parents sold it to me.

02:14:38.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:14:42.000 I forget what his name was or where he lived.

02:14:44.000 I know he lived in West New York.

02:14:45.000 He was a white dude from West New York.

02:14:48.000 But Don Johnson married Melanie Griffin before she was 18. Really?

02:14:53.000 Yeah, look it up. 0.99

02:14:55.000 Nobody said dick. 0.99

02:14:57.000 Look at your other boy. 1.00

02:15:00.000 That dude, they're going to throw him under the chair when they get rid of him. 0.51

02:15:04.000 Who?

02:15:05.000 R. Kelly.

02:15:07.000 If you think Howie Weinstein's in trouble...

02:15:10.000 At least Howie got some money.

02:15:12.000 Harvey.

02:15:12.000 Whatever.

02:15:13.000 Howie, Harvey.

02:15:14.000 At least he's got some money left.

02:15:17.000 R. Kelly's done. 0.98

02:15:19.000 And like, we were fucking, nobody said nothing. 0.99

02:15:21.000 R. Kelly used bribe to marry Aaliyah when she was 15, charges say. 0.97

02:15:26.000 He bribed a government employee in 1994 so that he could obtain a fake ID for the singer Aaliyah.

02:15:33.000 Yeah.

02:15:33.000 This is 20-something years ago, right?

02:15:36.000 He did this. 1.00

02:15:37.000 They're going to throw him under the fucking jail. 1.00

02:15:40.000 He was holding women captive, fucking with their heads. 1.00

02:15:43.000 You're not allowed to talk to your fucking parents. 1.00

02:15:47.000 And was it all that age? 1.00

02:15:48.000 Was it all like in the 15s?

02:15:50.000 That's what he's into?

02:15:51.000 Is that what he's into?

02:15:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:15:52.000 They got the video of him pissing on a chick, which I never saw.

02:15:55.000 I don't want to see it. 1.00

02:15:56.000 I mean, I have no fucking desire to see that shit. 1.00

02:15:59.000 What do you think that is? 1.00

02:16:00.000 You think he's basically like...

02:16:03.000 Well, I watched a little bit of his last week, and he comes across to you, his professionalism, listen, Some people know a wounded deal when they see one.

02:16:15.000 And that's what these women are saying, that his professional, his skill is the art of the wounded woman.

02:16:22.000 And then he plays wounded.

02:16:24.000 But then, you know, who do you talk to with that?

02:16:27.000 Within the first day, he'll tell you they got sexually harassed.

02:16:31.000 Not too many people.

02:16:32.000 So as soon as he starts with that, you start with your story about your uncle.

02:16:37.000 And he's gonna take care of you.

02:16:38.000 He's gonna do this and this.

02:16:39.000 That's how he went in. 1.00

02:16:41.000 The stories that these women are saying are just fucking crazy. 1.00

02:16:45.000 Like it's just other level fucking craziness. 1.00

02:16:51.000 Mind manipulation, you know, it's just deep, old-school pimp. 0.99

02:16:55.000 Remember you and I went to see American Pimp?

02:16:57.000 Yeah.

02:16:57.000 And we went to that barbecue place.

02:16:59.000 You took me to that good barbecue place next door to where American Pimp was the Hughes Brothers. 0.57

02:17:04.000 Just that mentality of spotting those type of women... 1.00

02:17:09.000 You know what's fucked up? 0.99

02:17:10.000 It's horrible, and I feel terrible about it, and it just makes me feel sick hearing the story. 0.98

02:17:14.000 But what makes me laugh is if we found out that J-Lo had been capturing 15-year-old boys and pissing in their face, we would think it was hilarious. 0.99

02:17:24.000 If J-Lo went to high school and she got all these sophomores and she brought them back to her place for a gangbang, we would think these kids had a good fucking time. 0.99

02:17:34.000 It's one of those big, giant differences. 0.98

02:17:38.000 Between the way we feel about men and women.

02:17:40.000 This R. Kelly thing is horrible. 1.00

02:17:42.000 But it is kind of funny that if R. Kelly was like a really beautiful woman, and she was doing the exact same thing to 15-year-old boys, making them live with her and eat her pussy and shit, we would think it's hilarious. 1.00

02:17:56.000 We would just think it's hilarious. 1.00

02:17:58.000 Madonna's doing it.

02:17:59.000 Yeah.

02:18:00.000 Madonna's doing it.

02:18:01.000 He does not read or write exceedingly well, except when it comes to amazing musical tracks, his attorney said.

02:18:09.000 Okay.

02:18:10.000 He doesn't read or write well.

02:18:12.000 That's sad.

02:18:14.000 The whole thing's sad.

02:18:15.000 But it is weird, our ideas of sex based on gender. 0.98

02:18:20.000 It's fucking very different. 0.94

02:18:21.000 We feel very different about that story. 0.99

02:18:24.000 There would be a hilarious story if there was some big-tittied freak singer who has a little sex cult and she brings 15, 16-year-old boys over. 1.00

02:18:35.000 We wouldn't really, we would be like, wow. 0.87

02:18:37.000 But we wouldn't feel like a crime got committed.

02:18:39.000 We'd be like, wow. 0.91

02:18:39.000 Listen, we're hypocrites because I make jokes of it on Twitter. 0.91

02:18:43.000 I see another 16-year-old teacher sucks a dick, you know. 1.00

02:18:47.000 But then you think, Jesus Christ, I have a daughter. 1.00

02:18:49.000 This swings both ways.

02:18:51.000 Right. 0.90

02:18:51.000 So we're hypocrites. 0.90

02:18:53.000 And we're hypocrites. 0.95

02:18:55.000 On who we, you know, for years we heard about Michael Jackson. 0.99

02:18:58.000 There's people that will look you in the fucking face and go, Michael Jackson never touched a kid. 0.98

02:19:03.000 There's people who will look you in the face today and say, O.J. Simpson didn't kill that bitch. 1.00

02:19:09.000 There's people that are going to think what they think, Joe Rogan. 0.99

02:19:14.000 Yeah, I don't obviously have any idea what happened with Michael Jackson.

02:19:19.000 But I would assume...

02:19:21.000 That there was something wrong just based on the way he behaved.

02:19:26.000 I would say, like, what other things are weird about the way you behave?

02:19:29.000 The way you talk is weird?

02:19:31.000 Like, everything about you is like you're so, so shattered by this whole fame thing and you're constantly getting plastic surgery to the point where nobody can even recognize you anymore.

02:19:42.000 I mean, we never saw that before.

02:19:43.000 That's the first superstar we ever saw that, like, literally became a different human being.

02:19:48.000 Like, changed his face.

02:19:49.000 Changed his nose.

02:19:50.000 Changed his chin.

02:19:50.000 Changed everything.

02:19:51.000 The complexion of his skin.

02:19:53.000 The color of his eyes.

02:19:54.000 Like, everything. 1.00

02:19:54.000 Just kept fucking with his face. 1.00

02:19:56.000 His nose would collapse. 1.00

02:19:57.000 And we were all aware of it.

02:19:59.000 We were like, whoa!

02:20:00.000 Joe Rogan, here's what you...

02:20:01.000 When you watch Never Never Land, I want you to watch it alone.

02:20:05.000 And I want you to watch it from the perspective of what you've seen as a comedian alone.

02:20:11.000 What is it actually called?

02:20:12.000 Escape from Neverland? 0.99

02:20:13.000 Whatever the fuck. 0.98

02:20:14.000 Never, Neverland. 0.99

02:20:15.000 I don't know.

02:20:16.000 Finding Neverland?

02:20:17.000 Don't worry. 1.00

02:20:17.000 I'll take the fucking napkin. 1.00

02:20:18.000 You know I'm not a pig. 1.00

02:20:19.000 I know the napkin's bothering you.

02:20:20.000 It doesn't bother me at all.

02:20:21.000 What I'm going to say to you is when you watch this movie, you're going to get it the same way I got it.

02:20:31.000 The lucky thing is that people like you and I didn't drink the Kool-Aid.

02:20:36.000 You and I have been at the store and you and I have had discussions and you and I have seen...

02:20:41.000 It's 2020. Whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

02:20:44.000 I know you since 97, 98. We've seen a thousand comics come and go. 0.99

02:20:52.000 Some of it is addiction.

02:20:54.000 Some of it is this lifestyle wasn't for them.

02:20:56.000 But there's a percentage of them that...

02:20:59.000 One day you were talking to them about writing jokes.

02:21:02.000 The next day they were talking to you about scripts and producing. 1.00

02:21:06.000 They just lost their fucking mind and drank the Kool-Aid. 0.99

02:21:10.000 And because they drank the Kool-Aid, now they come back to comedy. 1.00

02:21:14.000 And it's been four years that they've been playing their little fucking stupid charade. 1.00

02:21:17.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

02:21:18.000 And they lost all their steam.

02:21:19.000 They lost all their steam.

02:21:21.000 There's a lot of guys who are promising comics who wound up doing that.

02:21:24.000 And they wound up bringing these scripts to Comedy Central and all these different places.

02:21:27.000 I'm executive producing this and that and that and this.

02:21:29.000 And then it all dries up.

02:21:31.000 And then their act is not good anymore.

02:21:33.000 So when you watch this Never Neverland, you're going to see people who got caught up, Jerome.

02:21:41.000 People who lived in the Simi Valley, and one day Michael Jackson came to your house and paid your bills and said, you know, I'm going to take you guys on the road with me.

02:21:53.000 You're all included.

02:21:54.000 It starts off with the room down the hall, and then next thing you know, he's in the room next to you.

02:22:00.000 Now, there's no more rooms on levels in the same hotel, so you're in the hotel next door to you, but your son, your daughter really wants...

02:22:11.000 To sleep in Michael Jackson's room, daddy.

02:22:14.000 Because you're getting thrown money to go out to dinners.

02:22:20.000 A limo's picking you up to go see you two. 1.00

02:22:23.000 You're gonna leave your two daughters with fucking Michael Jackson. 1.00

02:22:28.000 They got caught up. 1.00

02:22:30.000 This town is about getting caught up. 1.00

02:22:33.000 I'm sure Marilyn Monroe didn't come to this town thinking she was going to be sucking Kennedy's dick, Savage and Connor's dick, and fucking the baseball player's dick. 1.00

02:22:44.000 You know, they passed her around. 1.00

02:22:46.000 She was sucking, she was passing mob information to the Kennedys and back and forth. 1.00

02:22:51.000 Did you ever think about fucking that? 1.00

02:22:53.000 I mean, not Marilyn Monroe. 1.00

02:22:55.000 Yeah, yeah, I too. 0.99

02:22:56.000 What the fuck, I am talking about one of them. 1.00

02:22:58.000 One of them was fucking Kennedy or she did or whatever. 1.00

02:23:01.000 Yeah, Maryland. 1.00

02:23:01.000 Maryland. 1.00

02:23:02.000 This town has been, you know...

02:23:04.000 It's always been that way.

02:23:05.000 We were talking about Fatty Arbuckle earlier.

02:23:07.000 And we look at what we pick and choose.

02:23:09.000 You don't think that nobody knew about Harvey Weinstein?

02:23:13.000 Nobody knew about Harvey Weinstein!

02:23:15.000 Nobody knew.

02:23:16.000 That's what you're telling me.

02:23:17.000 Have you seen the video where Ricky Gervais jokes around about them being friends with Harvey Weinstein in the last Golden Globes?

02:23:25.000 And then there's a whole series of people thanking Harvey, getting up there and thanking Harvey, all these, including people that have accused him of things, getting up there and thanking him and talking about how they wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Harvey Weinstein. 0.97

02:23:38.000 I mean, it's like fucking ten minutes long.

02:23:40.000 It's all these famous people thanking Harvey Weinstein. 0.98

02:23:43.000 Or God, LOL, and everybody's laughing.

02:23:46.000 People were just giving him so much praise.

02:23:49.000 All these super famous actors.

02:23:51.000 Daniel Day-Lewis.

02:23:52.000 Everybody.

02:23:53.000 You name it.

02:23:54.000 Everybody.

02:23:56.000 Faye Dunaway.

02:23:57.000 Whoever.

02:23:57.000 They're all up there thanking Harvey Weinstein.

02:23:59.000 He's amazing.

02:24:00.000 Harvey, you're incredible.

02:24:03.000 It's crazy if you stop and think about how recent that was.

02:24:08.000 And nobody knows nothing.

02:24:10.000 I don't think they knew, unless he did it to them, what it was.

02:24:16.000 I think there's an innocence to a lot of people's perceptions about people like that, is that both parties are in on it. 0.99

02:24:26.000 The girl wants to go to him because he is going to offer her a role in a movie, and he wants the girl to come to him because she's hot and he wants his dick sucked, and they both know it. 0.99

02:24:38.000 There's those cases. 0.99

02:24:40.000 But those are very different than the ones where he holds a girl down or he takes off his robe and she expected it to be a real script.

02:24:49.000 Those are very, very different things.

02:24:51.000 And I don't know if people knew about those.

02:24:55.000 I think they thought it was more of the former than the latter. 1.00

02:24:59.000 I think they thought it was more like creepy deals he made with actresses but kept his word and they sucked his dick. 1.00

02:25:04.000 But then when you get the other stories mixed and you go, okay, it's probably because They knew, I bet the people around him knew he's a pig, but probably didn't know what the worst accusations were. 1.00

02:25:19.000 You know? 0.95

02:25:21.000 Well, they just didn't want to know, Joe.

02:25:23.000 That too.

02:25:24.000 That could be it too.

02:25:25.000 They knew, but they didn't want to know.

02:25:28.000 They had to go to his parties, they had to eat at his meals, they had to attend his functions, but they didn't really pass a line.

02:25:36.000 Yeah.

02:25:37.000 There's those people too.

02:25:38.000 Right.

02:25:39.000 And then he made amazing movies too.

02:25:41.000 And in a way it's just as guilty.

02:25:43.000 If I tell you right now that I'm going to shoot Red Band and you sit here and I shoot Red Band, you get prosecuted. 0.97

02:25:54.000 Oh, that's right. 0.99

02:25:55.000 Yeah.

02:25:55.000 You get prosecuted.

02:25:56.000 You're like an accessory.

02:25:56.000 Your knowledge.

02:25:58.000 So, you know, when Epstein or Weinstein or whatever these fucking guys were doing what they were doing, you had to know. 0.98

02:26:07.000 I take you to a bar. 0.99

02:26:09.000 Within 20 minutes, you'll look at me and go, look at these guys doing blow in the bathroom.

02:26:14.000 Right or wrong?

02:26:15.000 True.

02:26:16.000 Right? 0.99

02:26:16.000 I go to fucking Dan Tanner's to eat and I see a guy. 0.99

02:26:19.000 I see a guy working a fucking... 1.00

02:26:21.000 I see a chick working a guy for the small nickel. 1.00

02:26:25.000 I even heard the guy look at him and go, 500?

02:26:30.000 It was that first row where you sit and the bar is right there.

02:26:33.000 About three, four months ago, it must have been...

02:26:36.000 You know, it's...

02:26:38.000 This is it.

02:26:39.000 Yeah.

02:26:40.000 Well, you remember when the guy from the Clippers got in trouble?

02:26:44.000 What's that guy's name?

02:26:45.000 The owner.

02:26:45.000 Yeah.

02:26:46.000 What was his name?

02:26:47.000 Sterling.

02:26:48.000 Sterling.

02:26:49.000 Donald Sterling.

02:26:51.000 Right.

02:26:51.000 When he got recorded...

02:26:55.000 It was the chick. 1.00

02:26:56.000 Yeah, it was a girl that he was banging.

02:26:58.000 But this girl, he had bought her a penthouse, he bought her a Ferrari, bought her a Bentley.

02:27:05.000 And she was, for him, super hot.

02:27:08.000 Like, look at her.

02:27:08.000 That is a pretty girl.

02:27:10.000 And he is a disgusting looking old man. 0.99

02:27:13.000 Right? 0.99

02:27:14.000 So, that was his uber side piece.

02:27:18.000 So he would just buy her everything.

02:27:20.000 But after a while, she's like, Eww.

02:27:23.000 Enough.

02:27:25.000 Eww.

02:27:28.000 Pretty hot though. 0.93

02:27:29.000 In like, that kind of trashy way.

02:27:33.000 Now is that a me too situation?

02:27:36.000 No, that's, listen.

02:27:37.000 He was clear and she was clear.

02:27:41.000 They were both doing it for very specific reasons. 1.00

02:27:43.000 He bought her a bunch of really nice shit, and he was rich, and she was hot. 0.99

02:27:48.000 And that's, is that her now? 1.00

02:27:50.000 What's that thing of her face?

02:27:53.000 Oh, that was back in the day when Peperazzi were going after her. 1.00

02:27:57.000 Let me ask you a question.

02:27:58.000 Let me ask you.

02:27:59.000 You bump into this broad. 1.00

02:28:00.000 Ah!

02:28:01.000 Okay, at the weed store.

02:28:04.000 Is it a me-too situation if you go, listen, are you working?

02:28:08.000 Let me ask you a question.

02:28:10.000 I think they have to come to you first. 1.00

02:28:12.000 What if, okay, 500 fell out of my pocket, you suck me. 1.00

02:28:17.000 Are you soliciting prostitution? 1.00

02:28:20.000 Are you soliciting an agreement?

02:28:22.000 Or is that a me-too situation?

02:28:24.000 It's all the above.

02:28:26.000 I think...

02:28:28.000 The only way people would be comfortable with it, and even then they probably wouldn't, like if you believe in people's rights, you have the right to do anything, well you also have the right to be a hoe. 0.99

02:28:38.000 If you wanted to be a hoe. 1.00

02:28:39.000 So if the only way would ever be okay is if she made it clear that she was willing to have sex for money and this was her choice and she could do it with her body, then people would probably leave you alone. 0.83

02:28:51.000 But even then they'd be mad at you. 1.00

02:28:52.000 They'd be willing to pay for sex, you fucking disgusting piece of shit. 1.00

02:28:56.000 You're supposed to pretend that you don't want to have sex with her and that you wouldn't be willing to pay for it. 1.00

02:29:02.000 It would only be okay in everybody's eyes if it was the woman's choice. 1.00

02:29:05.000 But every time we think about, if you think about sex for money, everybody, at least I do, I automatically think about sex trafficking, which is like the worst possible case scenario, right? 0.98

02:29:15.000 If you go to a prostitute that that prostitute is, that's a sex slave, right? 0.99

02:29:21.000 That was the thing that they got the craft guy. 1.00

02:29:23.000 They were using a false accusation against that guy that got jerked off. 0.84

02:29:27.000 You know the guy who owned the Patriots? 0.98

02:29:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:29:30.000 Guy's just trying to get jerked off. 1.00

02:29:32.000 Jesus Christ, leave him alone. 1.00

02:29:33.000 His wife died a bunch of years ago.

02:29:35.000 So he goes to this place. 0.99

02:29:36.000 They're just regular hookers. 1.00

02:29:38.000 They jerked him off, and then he got in real trouble, and they were trying to connect him to, like, sex slavery. 1.00

02:29:43.000 It turned out that wasn't the case. 1.00

02:29:44.000 These are just massage ladies that jerk you off. 1.00

02:29:48.000 Like, those are real, too. 0.99

02:29:48.000 They got them all over where I live. 0.99

02:29:50.000 I'm sure.

02:29:51.000 In the valley, all that old strip.

02:29:54.000 You gotta be careful what you walk into.

02:29:57.000 You gotta be careful. 0.98

02:29:58.000 The place I go to, which is fucking tremendous. 0.98

02:30:02.000 Look at this. 0.99

02:30:03.000 I mean, just to show you.

02:30:05.000 Look at that.

02:30:05.000 My punch card is full and I haven't even redeemed it.

02:30:08.000 Alright?

02:30:09.000 It's the Hung Foot Spa.

02:30:11.000 I go in there.

02:30:12.000 It's all guys and one chick. 0.98

02:30:14.000 And the chick is built like me. 1.00

02:30:17.000 And if you need a massage, they got like whatever down the street.

02:30:22.000 They got all the...

02:30:23.000 Thai massage?

02:30:28.000 Thai.

02:30:29.000 And what's the other one that's big?

02:30:30.000 Shiatsu?

02:30:30.000 No, it's a white new corporation.

02:30:34.000 Massage Envy? 0.55

02:30:35.000 Massage Envy.

02:30:36.000 All those places on this block. 0.98

02:30:38.000 Listen, you go give this little Chinese chick a junk for the 40 spot and then lay a $60 tip on her. 1.00

02:30:46.000 Because it's 40 for 45 minutes. 0.98

02:30:48.000 I give her a $60 tip.

02:30:49.000 She's on me for an hour. 0.99

02:30:50.000 I leave there fucking dizzy. 1.00

02:30:52.000 Really? 1.00

02:30:53.000 She's tremendous.

02:30:54.000 Tremendous.

02:30:55.000 They usually have the one... 1.00

02:30:56.000 They have a fucking happy... 0.99

02:30:58.000 I got turned on to this by a jiu-jitsu guy. 0.99

02:31:00.000 Do they do the elbow on your back and all that good stuff?

02:31:02.000 I got turned on to this by a guy, Alberto Crane.

02:31:04.000 He goes, bro, you...

02:31:05.000 You want the best massager in town?

02:31:06.000 I'll show you.

02:31:07.000 And I go, I live right across the street.

02:31:09.000 I live right around the corner from it.

02:31:10.000 I could walk there if I wanted to.

02:31:13.000 You go in.

02:31:13.000 There's some nights I go in on date night with my wife.

02:31:16.000 We go on a date and we take sweats.

02:31:18.000 And we switch there.

02:31:19.000 And we go and they pull your things. 0.99

02:31:21.000 They fucking put your feet in the buckets. 0.99

02:31:24.000 They rub you down. 1.00

02:31:25.000 They do your shoulders, your neck.

02:31:28.000 Sometimes I don't even want people rubbing my feet. 0.99

02:31:30.000 I got that fucking fungi toenail. 1.00

02:31:32.000 I don't want your little fucking Chinese hand on my fungi toenail. 1.00

02:31:36.000 They just spread it to other fucking poor people. 1.00

02:31:38.000 Oh, no. 1.00

02:31:38.000 So I said, fuck it. 1.00

02:31:39.000 Let me just go with you. 1.00

02:31:40.000 Imagine you were patient zero.

02:31:41.000 What's that?

02:31:42.000 You were patient zero. 0.99

02:31:44.000 If they're rubbing your feet and then it spreads to all these people and they have to fucking trace it back to you. 1.00

02:31:48.000 Yeah, I'm the motherfucker. 1.00

02:31:49.000 I got a fungi toenail. 1.00

02:31:51.000 I even got the Groupon to get it blowtorched.

02:31:55.000 Really?

02:31:55.000 Because you go up in the valley, and the lady comes, she sticks a thing under your nail, and they blow hot.

02:32:01.000 Another lady comes in, and they got masks. 1.00

02:32:03.000 It's hysterical.

02:32:04.000 And she comes in with cold air, like cryotherapy type air. 0.96

02:32:11.000 And the other chick comes with a blowtorch, and they try to blow the fungus away. 0.98

02:32:15.000 You got to smell that.

02:32:17.000 You gotta smell that.

02:32:19.000 So I did like six appointments where they tried to burn the fungus off.

02:32:24.000 Oh my god.

02:32:25.000 It doesn't work?

02:32:25.000 The toenail was on fire.

02:32:30.000 It doesn't work.

02:32:31.000 Let me show you.

02:32:32.000 No, it's spread to the other one now.

02:32:34.000 So now I got the big one and the one next to it, Louie. 0.99

02:32:37.000 And he is the ugliest thing in the world. 1.00

02:32:39.000 It's like one of those fucking hoops from an eagle. 1.00

02:32:43.000 Every time I go to jiu-jitsu, I try to hide it with a band-aid. 1.00

02:32:46.000 But it cuts right through the band-aid.

02:32:48.000 It's horrible.

02:32:49.000 I don't know what else to do.

02:32:50.000 I have to take a medication, but I don't know if my kidneys can handle it because of the blood pressure medication.

02:32:56.000 You have to take a fungi thing that zaps it.

02:33:00.000 But I took one and I tried to zap it and it still didn't kill it.

02:33:04.000 Is there anything you could apply topically or does it have to be a pill?

02:33:07.000 They talk.

02:33:07.000 I've done everything.

02:33:08.000 Really?

02:33:09.000 I've done everything.

02:33:09.000 The apple cinnamon cider.

02:33:12.000 The fucking Clorox. 1.00

02:33:14.000 I dipped it in. 1.00

02:33:15.000 I wrapped it in a fucking Clorox. 0.99

02:33:17.000 And it's great because I cut it. 0.99

02:33:20.000 What the best thing I do is I cut it.

02:33:22.000 Like some nights when I'm bored, I cut it.

02:33:23.000 And then I take the grinder to it.

02:33:26.000 And I grind it into like Coke powder.

02:33:28.000 And it grinds down.

02:33:29.000 You have to smell that powder to believe it. 0.86

02:33:32.000 It is so stinky. 0.96

02:33:34.000 And I just touch it. 0.98

02:33:35.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 0.99

02:33:36.000 And I have to wipe down the fucking counter and throw it away. 0.99

02:33:39.000 But I will grind those first two toes. 1.00

02:33:42.000 It's like a fucking thing. 1.00

02:33:44.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:33:47.000 Like you're sanding your toes.

02:33:50.000 Oh my god.

02:33:51.000 It's a sander that I got the extra rock for. 0.99

02:33:54.000 I had my wife go on Amazon and get like the fucking auto body. 1.00

02:33:57.000 Pumice stone? 0.99

02:33:58.000 Yeah.

02:33:59.000 Yeah.

02:33:59.000 Auto body.

02:34:00.000 This is auto body shit. 1.00

02:34:01.000 And I just fucking sand that fucking toenail down. 1.00

02:34:05.000 It's not even the toenail no more. 0.99

02:34:07.000 Oh my god.

02:34:07.000 I said, what are you going to do?

02:34:08.000 I don't even know.

02:34:10.000 Jesus Christ.

02:34:12.000 I don't know where I got it.

02:34:14.000 It's internal.

02:34:15.000 Oh, it's internal?

02:34:16.000 Yeah, because that's how the fungus is coming out of you.

02:34:18.000 Oh, so it's in your body and then it just comes out through your toes.

02:34:22.000 So it can come out other spots?

02:34:24.000 Yeah, but I'm not getting it on my nails or nothing like that.

02:34:27.000 It's just on that one fungi toenail. 0.99

02:34:29.000 What if it came out on your balls? 0.99

02:34:31.000 Dog, listen, I'm at the age you don't want to even go down. 1.00

02:34:34.000 You ever get to a point where you don't even want your wife to suck your dick? 1.00

02:34:39.000 It's a nightmare down there. 1.00

02:34:41.000 The turtleneck, the nutsack is fucking longer than death. 1.00

02:34:45.000 It's a fucking nightmare. 1.00

02:34:47.000 I don't know how women could suck an old man dick. 1.00

02:34:50.000 Because I look at my dick in the mirror when I go to Vegas, they got those good mirrors. 1.00

02:34:54.000 Because you never really look... 0.99

02:34:55.000 When you're at home, you look at your dick and it looks the way it does every day because you're used to that mirror. 0.99

02:35:00.000 It's not that you go away and you ever walk past fucking on a vacation or something when you're on the road working. 0.99

02:35:08.000 You walk past the mirror and it catches you like, I'm getting a little fat. 0.99

02:35:12.000 Like the real hotel mirrors don't fuck around. 0.99

02:35:15.000 It's the mirror of your house. 1.00

02:35:16.000 But when you look at you, at 56, my dick has been through hell. 1.00

02:35:21.000 It's got odors you haven't smelled. 1.00

02:35:24.000 It smells like Newark, Staten Island.

02:35:27.000 The pee is different.

02:35:28.000 Have you ever smelled your pee lately?

02:35:30.000 I'm trying not to.

02:35:31.000 Remember when the old Machida was saying, drink his pee? 0.89

02:35:33.000 I'll give him a shot of my pee. 1.00

02:35:35.000 This motherfucker, this will poison you. 1.00

02:35:38.000 When I wake up in the morning, that first dose of pee is the worst smelling thing in the world. 1.00

02:35:43.000 Before I go to bed, I drink water, a little bit of tart cherry juice, and I take a fucking baby aspirin because the high level after 50 is to get the heart attack between 5.30 and 12. I was making a mistake and taking the aspirin at 7. It's too late. 0.98

02:35:56.000 You can't have a heart attack.

02:35:58.000 If you take that before you go to sleep, it's better for you.

02:36:00.000 I gotta ask you this before we stop doing this.

02:36:03.000 Before the podcast, we were talking about the betting line for this weekend.

02:36:07.000 Right, sir.

02:36:08.000 For Connor and Cowboy.

02:36:09.000 Right, sir.

02:36:10.000 And what were you saying?

02:36:11.000 What were you saying about the over-under?

02:36:12.000 You guys are both talking about it.

02:36:13.000 You're talking about the over-under.

02:36:14.000 It's like one...

02:36:15.000 One and a half is the over and under.

02:36:18.000 So what they're doing right now is...

02:36:20.000 What they did, they did something spectacular.

02:36:24.000 For starters, when you gamble, you don't gamble on the event.

02:36:28.000 You have to look at what happened the week before and what's going to happen the week after that.

02:36:33.000 Now is the prime time if you're a gambler because you have college basketball, pro basketball. 1.00

02:36:38.000 You got action every day, bitch. 1.00

02:36:40.000 This is when people lose houses. 1.00

02:36:43.000 This time of the year is bad.

02:36:45.000 You got football playoffs. 0.99

02:36:48.000 Tonight's the fucking national game. 1.00

02:36:51.000 That's big. 1.00

02:36:52.000 LSU, Clemson, college football.

02:36:55.000 Tonight's big.

02:36:56.000 This is big money.

02:36:57.000 So tonight's big.

02:36:59.000 And then we have playoffs on Saturday, correct, sir?

02:37:04.000 Sunday.

02:37:05.000 So we got Conor McGregor.

02:37:07.000 So right now... 0.99

02:37:09.000 The fucking ESPN 2 made a tape where they just showed Conor. 0.98

02:37:12.000 Tonight, UFC preview airs at 8 o'clock or 6, and they'll show you both training camps and other people on the card or whatnot. 0.98

02:37:21.000 Everybody's forcing you to pork back Conor McGregor.

02:37:24.000 After this weekend, nobody, not even our man Jamie, had fucking the Tennessee Titans to beat Baltimore. 0.95

02:37:33.000 Nobody. 0.96

02:37:35.000 Nobody.

02:37:35.000 Everybody and their mother bet Baltimore.

02:37:37.000 Even John Rowell said something.

02:37:40.000 For John Rowell to say something, it was like it wasn't going to happen.

02:37:43.000 Baltimore had been on a hot roll.

02:37:45.000 Baltimore, and there was another upset too.

02:37:47.000 Kansas City beat the Texans in Kansas City.

02:37:51.000 They were down 24-0.

02:37:52.000 They were down 24-0.

02:37:53.000 Will you pull up the UFC card for this weekend so I can see who's on the card?

02:37:59.000 That's right.

02:38:00.000 There's the...

02:38:01.000 Okay.

02:38:02.000 So what...

02:38:04.000 Everybody's going to be trying to bet Cerrone.

02:38:08.000 What's the line at Cerrone right now?

02:38:09.000 So you can get what this is.

02:38:12.000 Plus 260. Plus 260. Over or under one and a half rounds.

02:38:17.000 But if I go over one and a half, what do I make?

02:38:20.000 I make a little more money, don't I? The under would be the little bit plus.

02:38:24.000 It's plus 105 for under.

02:38:26.000 So I guess the money is on the over right now.

02:38:29.000 It's minus 135. How can the fucking money be in the over? 0.99

02:38:34.000 It's very slight, though. 0.99

02:38:35.000 Okay.

02:38:36.000 Look at this.

02:38:37.000 Diego Ferreira is the favorite over Anthony Pettis.

02:38:42.000 That's an interesting fight right there.

02:38:44.000 So right there, they know something we don't know.

02:38:46.000 That's interesting.

02:38:47.000 Diego's very good.

02:38:48.000 He's a very good fighter.

02:38:50.000 Holly Holm, Rachel Peddington.

02:38:52.000 Yeah, that's a good fight.

02:38:53.000 She's Holly Holm's given, right?

02:38:55.000 Excuse me?

02:38:56.000 She's a favorite, Holly.

02:38:58.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:38:59.000 Rachel Peddington is tough, man.

02:39:02.000 She's very tough.

02:39:03.000 Pennington is one of those chicks that, like, she's had some last-second wins, like, against Ashley Evan Smith. 1.00

02:39:11.000 One of the, like, wildest endings in a female fight. 1.00

02:39:14.000 She gets her in a bulldog choke and chokes her unconscious with blood spraying out of her forehead. 1.00

02:39:20.000 It was a wild finish, man.

02:39:23.000 See if you can find that finish.

02:39:25.000 Ashley Evans-Smith, Raquel Pennington finishes Ashley Evans-Smith.

02:39:29.000 So right now, what does that look like, Donald Cerrone against Conor?

02:39:33.000 What's the money look like?

02:39:34.000 I don't understand the money line.

02:39:35.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:39:36.000 I would be just talking out of my ass. 0.99

02:39:39.000 Yeah, if you bet $100 on Calwood to win, and he wins the fight, you'd get $260. 0.99

02:39:44.000 So you'd collect $360.

02:39:46.000 And if you bet $100 on Conor?

02:39:48.000 You'd have to bet $320 to win $100 on Conor.

02:39:53.000 He's minus 320. The only way you can win this weekend is with Conor and you see Conor going in there and knocking him out in the first round in the under.

02:40:04.000 But if Conor, if Fucko wrestles him and it goes five rounds...

02:40:11.000 I don't see a lot of people betting Conor in the over.

02:40:14.000 Conor looks so good that people are expecting Conor to go in there and knock him right out.

02:40:20.000 This is Raquel Pennington's fight. 1.00

02:40:22.000 So just go towards the end of it.

02:40:25.000 It was a wild fight, man.

02:40:27.000 And Ashley Evans-Smith is the woman who beat Fallon Fox, the transgender fighter.

02:40:37.000 We're good to go. 0.50

02:40:49.000 She's locking her up in this bulldog choke. 1.00

02:40:51.000 And this is wild.

02:40:52.000 Look at blood.

02:40:53.000 It's spraying out of her head.

02:40:54.000 Oh, they don't show the finish.

02:40:56.000 UFC is sneaky like that.

02:40:57.000 They don't want you to see the tap or the knockout.

02:40:59.000 Like, I don't get it, guys.

02:41:01.000 I work for you.

02:41:02.000 I love you.

02:41:03.000 Show everybody the choke.

02:41:04.000 Why are you hiding the choke?

02:41:07.000 Anyway, maybe it's just a time constraint, but she got her in this bulldog choke. 1.00

02:41:11.000 Blood is squirting out of her head.

02:41:13.000 And then at the end of the buzzer, she lets go and the girl's out cold. 0.94

02:41:17.000 And it was just like, whoa!

02:41:19.000 It was like one of those fights.

02:41:20.000 It was, whoa! 1.00

02:41:21.000 Like when it's happening, you're like, holy shit! 0.99

02:41:24.000 You know, you see something that's just primal. 0.98

02:41:26.000 There's moments in fights that are just primal.

02:41:30.000 You know, and sometimes those moments are like, they're almost surreal.

02:41:32.000 Like, when Francis Ngannou knocked down Aleister Overeem.

02:41:36.000 Boom! 0.99

02:41:36.000 You're like, oh! 0.99

02:41:38.000 Just primal.

02:41:39.000 Just what?

02:41:40.000 Who cut his lip? 0.99

02:41:41.000 Who fucked up? 1.00

02:41:41.000 Oh, Rosenstreich. 1.00

02:41:43.000 Oh my gosh.

02:41:44.000 Rosenstreich is now going to fight Francis.

02:41:46.000 Jarzino, Rosenstreich, and Francis Ngannou.

02:41:49.000 Where?

02:41:51.000 Columbus, Ohio.

02:41:53.000 Goddamn, that's a crazy fight. 0.99

02:41:55.000 Ugh! 0.99

02:41:56.000 I almost wish more people knew how tough Rosenstreich is.

02:42:01.000 You see the fight with Aleister over him, and you go, well, Aleister was kind of out pointing him, and then he caught Aleister slipping, really with like 10 seconds left to go in the fight, and hit him with a bomb and broke his lip open.

02:42:13.000 That's true, but he still absorbed everything that Aleister threw at him.

02:42:18.000 Never looked like he got shook at all.

02:42:20.000 And we're talking about a guy in Alistair who's knocked out Junior Dos Santos, knocked out, you know, was the K-1 Grand Prix champion. 0.99

02:42:27.000 Fucking Grand Prix. 0.98

02:42:28.000 No, tremendous resume. 0.99

02:42:29.000 The way he knocked out Todd Duffy in Pride. 0.99

02:42:31.000 Fucking knocked out our boy. 0.99

02:42:32.000 Was it rising? 1.00

02:42:33.000 He kneed your boy there, fucking the Great White Hope. 1.00

02:42:38.000 You know, what's his name? 1.00

02:42:40.000 Mark Hunt?

02:42:40.000 No, he's not the Great White Hope.

02:42:42.000 He's a...

02:42:59.000 What do you see happening this weekend, G? This is what it seems to me.

02:43:15.000 It seems to me that Conor McGregor has an advantage in being able to close the distance and maybe a speed advantage.

02:43:25.000 This is a perceived thing based on seeing them fight different people.

02:43:30.000 Cowboy, when he's at his best, is remarkably well-rounded.

02:43:36.000 And I think he's more well-rounded than Conor.

02:43:39.000 I think Cowboy has a lot of tools that people forget about, particularly his takedowns are excellent. 0.93

02:43:46.000 Cowboy can submit the fuck out of you.

02:43:48.000 He submits a lot of people. 1.00

02:43:49.000 He's nasty off his back. 0.96

02:43:50.000 He's got wicked triangles. 0.98

02:43:52.000 I could see if this went to the ground.

02:43:56.000 Connor getting submitted by Cowboy in a triangle.

02:43:58.000 What I couldn't see is Cowboy getting submitted by Connor in a triangle.

02:44:03.000 I could see Cowboy submitting Connor.

02:44:06.000 I don't think it's impossible for Connor to submit Cowboy, but I don't see it.

02:44:14.000 Conor can win by knockout.

02:44:16.000 He's very fast. 0.99

02:44:17.000 His left hand is a fucking piston, and he's sneaky, and he's got nasty uppercuts, and he's got a killer instinct. 1.00

02:44:24.000 When he has you hurt, he fucking bombs on you. 1.00

02:44:27.000 And the Eddie Alvarez fight is the best example of that. 0.99

02:44:30.000 Eddie Alvarez was a world-class fighter, and Conor McGregor took it to him like no one has ever done in his career, tuned him up, made him look like he had no business in the cage with him.

02:44:40.000 Now, for Eddie, he said he just fought a bad fight, and I believe him.

02:44:43.000 Eddie's a world-class fighter.

02:44:45.000 But the point is, in go time, Conor McGregor handles pressure as much or better, as good as well or better, than anyone who's ever lived.

02:44:55.000 He handles pressure so well.

02:44:57.000 He catches Floyd Mayweather with an uppercut in a fight where he's so outclassed.

02:45:02.000 He has zero boxing matches and he's fighting the greatest boxer of all time in one of the biggest pay-per-view cards ever.

02:45:09.000 It's nuts, right?

02:45:11.000 So he can handle pressure.

02:45:12.000 He lost that fight because Floyd's a way better boxer.

02:45:16.000 But he handled the pressure.

02:45:17.000 The pressure against Aldo. 1.00

02:45:19.000 Talked so much shit for a year. 0.99

02:45:21.000 Going on tour together. 1.00

02:45:22.000 Tearing pictures of him.

02:45:23.000 Stealing his belt.

02:45:24.000 Gets in front of him, flatlines him in 13 seconds.

02:45:27.000 Perfect punch. 0.61

02:45:28.000 Perfect execution.

02:45:30.000 Measures him with one left hand before that.

02:45:32.000 Steps back.

02:45:33.000 He dives in with the left.

02:45:35.000 Bang! 1.00

02:45:35.000 Catches him coming in. 1.00

02:45:36.000 It's perfect.

02:45:38.000 Under pressure.

02:45:40.000 He's not the kind of grappler that Nurmagomedov is.

02:45:47.000 He's not in that category.

02:45:48.000 Does he have pressure on this fight?

02:45:50.000 Oh, he's got so much pressure.

02:45:51.000 He fought the guy who everyone's terrified of, and at least he made it into the fourth round, right?

02:45:57.000 Wasn't it a fourth round submission?

02:45:58.000 Yeah.

02:45:59.000 And he probably wasn't really prepared for that fight.

02:46:02.000 You think about how much time he'd been off of MMA, how much time he'd been working on just boxing and then spending all that money, because he made like $100 million.

02:46:10.000 The question for me is, who is Conor right now?

02:46:14.000 Is Conor McGregor the same guy that knocked out Dustin Poirier when he was a savage?

02:46:19.000 Is he the same guy that knocked out Diego Brandao?

02:46:23.000 Is he the same guy that knocked out Jose Aldo?

02:46:27.000 Is he the same guy who knocked out Eddie Alvarez?

02:46:29.000 Or is he just some new thing because of all this money and all this fame and all this attention and he likes to party?

02:46:35.000 What is he now?

02:46:37.000 If he's the same guy, physically there should be no reason why he isn't.

02:46:41.000 He hasn't taken any terrible beatings.

02:46:43.000 Even the Nurmagomedov fight, he stopped him with a choke. 0.99

02:46:47.000 If he is the same guy physically and he decides he wants to let the fucking world know that he can still do it and who gives a fuck how much money he has in the bank? 0.98

02:46:56.000 He wants to let the world know he's here to fuck people up and he's here to reclaim his crown. 0.99

02:47:00.000 If he goes into the fight with that attitude, I mean, we could certainly see a resurgence. 0.98

02:47:08.000 The question has always been whether or not a rich man has the motivation to work like a poor man.

02:47:13.000 And he's a very rich man.

02:47:16.000 We don't know.

02:47:17.000 Everybody's different.

02:47:18.000 Mayweather fought hard to the day he died.

02:47:20.000 Or, excuse me, to the day he retired.

02:47:22.000 And Mayweather, during his career, was rich, like, from...

02:47:27.000 A couple years in, he was rich.

02:47:29.000 He was rich.

02:47:30.000 So he was always rich.

02:47:31.000 And still fought like the best in the world and still trained like you have to train to be the best in the world.

02:47:38.000 What type of gaps was he taking in between fights, guys?

02:47:41.000 This has been a long gap before Normaga.

02:47:44.000 It's not fair.

02:47:45.000 Before Normaga Megawolf, it was a long gap.

02:47:49.000 It's true.

02:47:50.000 The game has evolved a lot.

02:47:52.000 You know, in a real world, like again, what you heard me telling Jamie was basically this.

02:47:59.000 In a real world, you know, Cerrone, what's he done in the last five fights, Cerrone?

02:48:07.000 He's had some ups and downs.

02:48:09.000 Ups and downs.

02:48:10.000 Lost to Gagey, lost to Masvidal.

02:48:14.000 Lost real bad to Darren Till.

02:48:16.000 The Darren Till one was a bad one.

02:48:18.000 So, out of the last five fights, he's two and three is what you're telling me.

02:48:21.000 Lost to Tony Ferguson. 0.70

02:48:25.000 Beat Al Iaquinta, though, and looked real fucking good doing it. 0.81

02:48:28.000 So, he's lost two. 0.93

02:48:30.000 The Gaethje fight...

02:48:34.000 And he beat Mike Perry, which was a really good fight for him.

02:48:38.000 Because Mike Perry is a big, scary guy.

02:48:40.000 Throws bombs.

02:48:41.000 So he beat him.

02:48:43.000 Lost to Leon Edwards.

02:48:44.000 I think he was sick coming into that fight, but, you know, lost either way.

02:48:48.000 And beat Yancey Medeiros in a wild fight. 1.00

02:48:50.000 So I'm just saying that in the real world, he should take him out.

02:48:54.000 People looking at him.

02:48:55.000 I don't think this is going to be that easy of a fight.

02:48:58.000 I like it.

02:48:58.000 I like the over.

02:49:00.000 I love D'Ova.

02:49:01.000 I can't pick a side yet, but I love D'Ova.

02:49:06.000 I could see everybody betting McGregor to win round one and something crazy happening.

02:49:13.000 I mean, in a perfect world, you know, maybe his chin's been a little suspect lately, Donald.

02:49:20.000 I don't know.

02:49:44.000 I don't think so.

02:49:45.000 So here we go.

02:49:46.000 Yeah, he beat Iaquinta.

02:49:47.000 He beat Alexander Hernandez.

02:49:49.000 That was a fantastic fight.

02:49:51.000 That was a fantastic fight.

02:49:52.000 You can't write this kid out. 1.00

02:49:53.000 Hernandez is a young, tough guy who's talking mad shit. 0.99

02:49:56.000 But there's a giant difference between, no disrespect, to a Hernandez and a Conor McGregor. 0.99

02:50:02.000 Yes.

02:50:02.000 Conor McGregor's used to those bright lights, man.

02:50:04.000 He shines.

02:50:05.000 He shines on those bright lights. 1.00

02:50:07.000 To me, the question is really just whether or not he has the motivation to train and fight like a fucking madman again. 0.99

02:50:14.000 Like he did when he was younger, when he was smashing people. 0.98

02:50:16.000 And for Cowboy, it's whether or not he can survive the early storm.

02:50:20.000 I think getting his leg kicks working would be very big because Conor likes to take that long stance.

02:50:26.000 Conor takes that long stance and he fights right leg forward.

02:50:29.000 He fights southpaw. 0.99

02:50:31.000 And if Donald can fuck up that right leg, he can figure out a way to attack that right leg. 1.00

02:50:36.000 Knees to the body coming in. 0.99

02:50:37.000 He's got to avoid the punches, though.

02:50:39.000 Yeah, if he's up there with, uh, who did I say he's with?

02:50:43.000 He's with Sergio Pettis' coach up there.

02:50:45.000 He's training.

02:50:46.000 Yeah, you said Duke Rufus.

02:50:47.000 Rufusport.

02:50:48.000 If he's at Rufusport for this camp, they're probably working on a lot of kickboxing.

02:50:54.000 But I guarantee Woodley and him are doing some wrestling takedowns.

02:51:00.000 Because he knows that's where the money's going to be.

02:51:01.000 Woodley has a big fight coming up.

02:51:03.000 Woodley's going to fight Leon Edwards.

02:51:05.000 And Leon Edwards is a dangerous man.

02:51:07.000 It's like, that's a big fight.

02:51:09.000 And Leon Edwards, for whatever reason, is not known as much as he is skillful.

02:51:15.000 You know, he beat Cowboy, like we said.

02:51:17.000 And he's the guy that got in that crazy brawl with Masvidal backstage.

02:51:20.000 Masvidal hit him with the two-piece and the soda.

02:51:23.000 But that guy's a tough, tough, tough guy.

02:51:26.000 Super highly skilled guy.

02:51:28.000 And Leon Edwards and Tyron Woodley, that's a very high stakes fight that a lot of people aren't talking about.

02:51:34.000 That's the fight for the number one contender.

02:51:37.000 Because if Tyron emerges, or if Leon emerges, and it's a big fight, and the fight goes well, that person is almost certainly...

02:51:48.000 At least considered, other than Masvidal, who's the fan favorite, and then the rematch.

02:51:55.000 Those are the two possibilities, the rematch with Colby and Usman.

02:51:59.000 Other than that, you want to see the winner of Tyron Woodley and Leon Edwards.

02:52:04.000 It just makes sense.

02:52:05.000 It makes sense that that would be the next one, or Masvidal. 0.83

02:52:09.000 That's how I would look at it.

02:52:10.000 I would look at it that way.

02:52:11.000 I would look at it like there's...

02:52:13.000 There's a lot of options.

02:52:15.000 There's a lot of options for that division.

02:52:17.000 And now Conor's talking about fighting Usman.

02:52:19.000 That would be bonkers. 0.93

02:52:21.000 So if Conor beats Cowboy and decides he feels great at this weight, he feels confident now and dedicated, he wants to make a run at the fucking champ, there's a big size difference between Usman and Conor. 0.98

02:52:36.000 Usman is a big person. 0.97

02:52:39.000 He's got a thick frame.

02:52:40.000 A lot of those 170 guys are big too.

02:52:43.000 Kobe's a big fella.

02:52:45.000 Kobe's a big fella.

02:52:46.000 Tillman's big. 0.99

02:52:47.000 So is fucking Masvidal big. 0.99

02:52:50.000 They're big at 170. There's somebody else at 170 that's deceiving as fuck too. 1.00

02:52:55.000 I think Masvidal's in the sweet spot. 0.99

02:52:57.000 He's not too big where he has to kill himself to make the weight.

02:52:59.000 But he can obviously knock out welterweights easily.

02:53:02.000 He's knocked out a lot of welterweights. 0.94

02:53:04.000 I mean, the Ben Askren one is fucking preposterous, but, of course, just even the beating that he was putting on Nate Diaz. 0.97

02:53:11.000 Masvidal can fuck people up at 170. I think him versus Conor would be insane. 0.99

02:53:18.000 You fucked me up, dog. 1.00

02:53:20.000 You fucked me up by not bringing back Duran with you. 1.00

02:53:23.000 You're just taking him back. 1.00

02:53:24.000 That fucked me up. 0.98

02:53:25.000 When I called you that morning, I thought you were telling me this. 0.95

02:53:28.000 I got Duran.

02:53:28.000 I'm going to put him up at the compound for a week.

02:53:30.000 You know, I went down a foxhole of his fights.

02:53:33.000 Oh, he was amazing.

02:53:34.000 About a month ago.

02:53:35.000 Just that whole era.

02:53:36.000 Yeah.

02:53:36.000 I've been turning people on just until that whole era.

02:53:39.000 The other day, we were talking about... 1.00

02:53:41.000 Because I got pissed off with that fucking... 0.99

02:53:45.000 Because he said he came to the United States on the pretension that he had won three national yoga competitions in India. 1.00

02:53:53.000 And I'm not that stupid. 0.94

02:53:54.000 I grew up on Wide World of Sports. 0.96

02:53:56.000 We learned everything on Wide World of Sports.

02:53:58.000 I saw a dude catch a bullet with his mouth on Aaron Banks's...

02:54:05.000 Karate tournament, Aaron Banks.

02:54:07.000 Karate tournament?

02:54:08.000 Yeah, every year in New York City, Aaron Banks.

02:54:10.000 He caught a bullet with his teeth?

02:54:12.000 Aaron Banks would hire, there was a dude, that's what he was known for, it's on YouTube.

02:54:17.000 Is that real?

02:54:18.000 I don't know how he did it, Joe.

02:54:20.000 They put a glass in front of the guy.

02:54:24.000 So a bullet goes through the glass?

02:54:26.000 22. He'd put a special mouthpiece on, and they'd shoot, and then the glass...

02:54:31.000 How close was the glass?

02:54:33.000 Watch.

02:54:34.000 Let me go pee real quick.

02:54:35.000 You watch.

02:54:36.000 Okay, play that for me.

02:54:37.000 Give me some volume.

02:54:41.000 Okay, so it's just music.

02:54:43.000 That's all right.

02:54:44.000 The guy's name is Ralph.

02:54:47.000 Can I see it?

02:54:48.000 Well, this is supposedly the video, I thought.

02:54:50.000 What's happening here?

02:54:51.000 Maybe not.

02:54:52.000 I'm just probably showing it in slow-mo.

02:54:55.000 There's got to be someone who snopes as this. 0.98

02:54:58.000 I believe Penn and Teller do it now.

02:55:02.000 They do it?

02:55:03.000 Yeah.

02:55:03.000 They catch a bullet in their teeth?

02:55:04.000 Uh-huh. 1.00

02:55:05.000 Well, Penn would be the first one to tell you it's bullshit. 1.00

02:55:10.000 I mean, that's... 1.00

02:55:13.000 Half of their shtick.

02:55:14.000 I should probably get him back in here. 1.00

02:55:16.000 Have him explain how the fuck someone catches a bullet in their teeth. 1.00

02:55:20.000 Bullshit might not be the way to do it, but there's a way to do it that's safer than shooting a gun at your teeth, I think. 1.00

02:55:28.000 I don't think they shoot a gun at your teeth. 0.99

02:55:30.000 Because I don't think you could do that a whole lot of times.

02:55:32.000 See, if a guy's doing that, he's doing it, I think I can do it, Dad.

02:55:35.000 Okay, give it a shot, son.

02:55:37.000 No, he's done it before, right?

02:55:38.000 If he's doing this bullet thing in front of people, I would assume that's not the first and only time he's catching a bullet in his teeth.

02:55:44.000 David Blaine did it, too.

02:55:45.000 Right, but you listening to me?

02:55:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:55:47.000 That means you have to practice.

02:55:48.000 How many times are you going to let a dude shoot you in the face?

02:55:51.000 How are you practicing that? 0.94

02:55:53.000 That's not real.

02:55:54.000 David Blaine did it with a metal cup in his mouth.

02:55:57.000 Oh, wow.

02:55:57.000 So the metal cup caught the bullet?

02:55:59.000 Another guy wore...

02:56:00.000 I think this guy that Joey watched had steel dentures.

02:56:03.000 Oh, my God.

02:56:04.000 Even if you had steel dentures, if somebody didn't shoot you in the face...

02:56:09.000 And you gotta make sure that they don't hit your lips.

02:56:11.000 Do you know how hard it is to not hit someone?

02:56:13.000 How close do you have to be?

02:56:15.000 Where you're with a pistol?

02:56:16.000 Is that what they're using?

02:56:17.000 You can absolutely assure...

02:56:19.000 Is that 357?

02:56:20.000 Oh, Jesus!

02:56:21.000 There's no way!

02:56:22.000 That can't be real.

02:56:24.000 One person died doing it.

02:56:25.000 Of course they did.

02:56:27.000 The most famous person that died while doing the trick always performed silently because he apparently spoke no English.

02:56:34.000 When his final performance of the trick went wrong...

02:56:37.000 And he was accidentally shot in the chest.

02:56:39.000 He exclaimed in perfect English, oh my god, something's happened.

02:56:43.000 Lower the curtain. 0.77

02:56:44.000 At his autopsy, it was discovered that he was not Chinese, but an American named William Robinson.

02:56:50.000 But that's a story for another day.

02:56:54.000 We're talking about a guy whose scam was he would let people shoot him and he would catch a bullet in his teeth.

02:57:01.000 His name was Chung Ling Su and he pretended he was Chinese but then he accidentally got shot in the chest.

02:57:06.000 The guy didn't shoot him in the mouth, shot him in the chest instead.

02:57:08.000 As he drops down, he said, oh my god, something's happened.

02:57:11.000 Lower the curtain in perfect English.

02:57:13.000 So the autopsy revealed that he was not Chinese but an American named William Robinson.

02:57:19.000 Can't do that today.

02:57:20.000 Cultural appropriation.

02:57:21.000 But even back then, That's a hilarious way to die.

02:57:28.000 Was this one of the guys that was catching bullets with his teeth?

02:57:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:57:31.000 There was a couple of those fucking lunatics. 1.00

02:57:33.000 So that's how I knew. 1.00

02:57:34.000 I grew up on Wide World of Sports.

02:57:35.000 They showed you everything.

02:57:37.000 But I got caught in a foxhole.

02:57:39.000 They had Hagler.

02:57:42.000 Hagelin Durant?

02:57:43.000 Mugabe.

02:57:44.000 Ooh, Hagelin Mugabe was amazing.

02:57:46.000 Because in those days, they used to do a pay-per-view on Saturday, and then you had to wait a week for Saturday.

02:57:55.000 No, next Saturday.

02:57:57.000 The following Saturday would be on Wide World of Sports if you could hold on. 0.99

02:58:00.000 But I still remember, dog, being a fucking kid on a Saturday and watching Doon Kung Kim and Mancini kick the fuck out of each other. 0.99

02:58:10.000 Because that was live on... 0.99

02:58:13.000 Was it ABC? Absolutely.

02:58:16.000 That was the reason why they changed the round number from 15 down to 12 after that guy died.

02:58:24.000 Where was that again?

02:58:25.000 This was in Las Vegas, Nevada.

02:58:27.000 It looks like it's outside, doesn't it?

02:58:30.000 Yeah, it is outside.

02:58:31.000 It's outside.

02:58:32.000 Yeah, I still remember this.

02:58:33.000 That's crazy.

02:58:34.000 Tim Ryan.

02:58:35.000 This had to be January or February of 83. Dude, this was a crazy fucking fight. 0.99

02:58:42.000 November of 82, like two months before that. 0.99

02:58:44.000 November of 82. Mancini was an animal.

02:58:48.000 Remember when he fought Alexis Arguello? 0.78

02:58:50.000 I think that's this right here. 0.74

02:58:51.000 The Korean guy, Duke Hong King, God rest his soul, wrote on a piece of wood before he went out to fight him, kill or be killed. 1.00

02:59:00.000 That guy was a tough motherfucker. 1.00

02:59:02.000 Ray Boom Boom Mancini. 1.00

02:59:05.000 Tough motherfucker. 1.00

02:59:06.000 This was 1979. He was 21 years old. 1.00

02:59:10.000 Is this the Dukku Kim fight?

02:59:11.000 So imagine he killed somebody when he was 21 years old in a fight.

02:59:14.000 That is hardcore, man.

02:59:17.000 That's a hard pill to swallow.

02:59:19.000 Probably both things, and then also probably how to make weight.

02:59:23.000 A lot of deaths in boxing apparently happen in the lower weight classes, and one of the reasons is that when these guys...

02:59:30.000 Actually enter into fights, a lot of times they're still dehydrated.

02:59:33.000 They would dehydrate themselves pretty bad in the weigh-ins to get to whatever weight class it was, like 134. But he probably weighs, you know, 134 and a quarter is what he weighed in.

02:59:45.000 He probably walks around like 150-ish or something like that.

02:59:48.000 And they dehydrate themselves, and it's very difficult to rehydrate the brain, apparently.

02:59:52.000 It's not as quick and easy as it is rehydrating the body, and even that takes some time.

02:59:58.000 So, most of the deaths in boxing have occurred, most of them.

03:00:02.000 It's still very dangerous, even for the heavyweight division.

03:00:04.000 There was a guy who went into a coma, a Russian guy, in a fight a few years back.

03:00:11.000 But in the lighter weight divisions, they think it's generally when people get more likely to die from fights.

03:00:20.000 And they think it might have something to do with cutting weight.

03:00:23.000 But it's also really skillful people punching each other in the head.

03:00:28.000 The Gerald McClellan fight is a good example that they always point to because Gerald McClellan, who was just a straight-up murderer when he was a light heavyweight, Really struggled to make weight, man, real bad.

03:00:40.000 And in one fight with Nigel Benn, Nigel Benn got off the deck, and it looked like he was out, and made it back into the ring, fought his ass off, and then started taking it to Gerald.

03:00:54.000 But this don't come right here again.

03:00:56.000 Yeah, and that was the end of the fight after Ray Mancini stopped him.

03:01:00.000 Everybody's all happy, but then the guy slides into a coma and winds up dying.

03:01:05.000 See, he's sitting there, like, so he's really battered.

03:01:10.000 They think, again, they think it might have something to do with cutting weight. 0.99

03:01:15.000 It's a fucking horrible, horrible way to go, man. 1.00

03:01:21.000 But kill or be killed, that's what he signed up for. 1.00

03:01:23.000 That's what he wrote before he went out there to fight him.

03:01:27.000 I mean, and he fought that way, too.

03:01:28.000 You know what I saw recently?

03:01:30.000 It was one of the wildest fights.

03:01:32.000 Roberto Duran and Sugar Ray Leonard won. 1.00

03:01:34.000 Holy shit. 1.00

03:01:35.000 Is it wild? 1.00

03:01:36.000 Oh my god.

03:01:37.000 I just watched it again the other day.

03:01:39.000 I think?

03:01:39.000 Yeah.

03:01:39.000 Toronto was the first one.

03:01:42.000 Louisiana was the second one.

03:01:44.000 Montreal.

03:01:45.000 Montreal.

03:01:45.000 Yeah.

03:01:46.000 That's a good one.

03:01:47.000 Montreal was the first one?

03:01:48.000 Yeah.

03:01:48.000 That's a really good one.

03:01:50.000 God damn it was good. 0.99

03:01:50.000 That's a really good one. 0.99

03:01:51.000 It was crazy.

03:01:53.000 There's some crazy.

03:01:53.000 Papina Cuevas.

03:01:54.000 There's some crazy fights on there.

03:01:56.000 These guys were so fast.

03:01:59.000 Both Leonard and Duran were so fast back then.

03:02:02.000 And Leonard was just...

03:02:04.000 I mean, he was America's darling Olympic gold medalist, handsome sweetheart of a guy.

03:02:09.000 And Roberto Duran was a straight-up savage who was sponsored by a cigarette company.

03:02:13.000 Look at that.

03:02:14.000 He's got a cigarette company logo on his back.

03:02:16.000 That was a cigarette company, wasn't it?

03:02:18.000 Looks like Marlboro.

03:02:20.000 I think he had a cigarette company sponsor him.

03:02:22.000 Either way.

03:02:23.000 Maybe it was just a design. 0.99

03:02:25.000 He was a monster.

03:02:27.000 And he just jumped on top of Sugar Ray Leonard and wouldn't let him breathe.

03:02:31.000 And Sugar Ray decided to try to fight his fight.

03:02:34.000 Squirt up to the fight.

03:02:35.000 Squirt up a little to the fight. 0.50

03:02:36.000 Sugar Ray just decided to try to engage him up close like this.

03:02:41.000 So they fought these kind of fights like this in the clinch. 0.97

03:02:43.000 Total fucking chaos kind of fighting which favors Duran. 0.99

03:02:48.000 Duran was just a relentless mauling animal. 1.00

03:02:51.000 You love that shit. 1.00

03:02:52.000 But see how he's like wrestling with him and fucking underhooking him and pushing him against the ring, staying in his face. 1.00

03:02:58.000 He's not giving him any chance to move. 0.96

03:03:01.000 And in the rematch, obviously Sugar Ray fought a totally different fight and got Roberto Duran to quit.

03:03:08.000 But it was an amazing fight.

03:03:11.000 And historically, one of the greatest boxing matches ever.

03:03:14.000 Just chaos.

03:03:16.000 As Sugar Ray Leonard had taken a chance, and his ego probably got the better of him.

03:03:20.000 Said, I'm going to beat you at your own game, or try to it.

03:03:22.000 And Duran just stuck to him like glue, and just ripped out his body, and stayed on him.

03:03:26.000 And then after it's over, Duran still pushed him away. 1.00

03:03:31.000 He was like, get the fuck away from me. 0.96

03:03:33.000 After the fight was over, Duran was still mad at him. 0.99

03:03:37.000 Great head movement, man.

03:03:38.000 It was in Montreal.

03:03:40.000 It was in Canada because a couple days before the fight, Duran bumped into Sugar Ray Leonard.

03:03:46.000 And Sugar Ray, being the nice guy that he is, had his wife with him and his kids.

03:03:51.000 And he goes, come on, let's go over and say hello to Roberto.

03:03:54.000 And he goes, Roberto, como esta? 1.00

03:03:56.000 And Roberto was like, get the fuck out of my face before I fuck your wife in the ass. 1.00

03:04:00.000 He said, read the book. 1.00

03:04:01.000 The book I gave you.

03:04:03.000 I believe it.

03:04:03.000 Read the book.

03:04:04.000 I believe it.

03:04:04.000 And it got into Sugar Ray's head so badly that that was how he beat him.

03:04:09.000 He said that to him. 1.00

03:04:10.000 I'm going to fuck your wife in the ass. 1.00

03:04:12.000 See? 1.00

03:04:13.000 Yeah.

03:04:13.000 Look, he comes running back at him and pushes him.

03:04:16.000 Watch this. 1.00

03:04:16.000 Look, put the fuck away from me. 1.00

03:04:19.000 See that shit? 1.00

03:04:20.000 He's an animal. 1.00

03:04:21.000 Still screaming at him. 1.00

03:04:22.000 Fuck you. 1.00

03:04:23.000 Screaming at him. 1.00

03:04:24.000 After a war.

03:04:26.000 Duran beat him. 0.99

03:04:27.000 Duran was a monster. 0.98

03:04:28.000 He was so angry. 0.99

03:04:30.000 Look at him.

03:04:31.000 Bro, even after all that fighting, still angry.

03:04:33.000 Look at Mama La Pinga. 1.00

03:04:35.000 That's what he's saying.

03:04:36.000 Mama La Pinga, yeah. 1.00

03:04:37.000 He was a fucking savage. 1.00

03:04:38.000 He was an intelligent savage. 1.00

03:04:40.000 Like a savage technician.

03:04:42.000 You know, his boxing was so beautiful.

03:04:45.000 Duran was like, he just knew how to nullify you.

03:04:48.000 Take away all, and put his will on you, man. 1.00

03:04:50.000 Animal. 0.99

03:04:52.000 I gotta wrap this up, Joey.

03:04:53.000 I got another podcast I gotta do.

03:04:54.000 I love you, brother.

03:04:55.000 I love you, too.

03:04:55.000 Thank you very much.

03:04:56.000 I won't see you this week.

03:04:58.000 When am I gonna see you again?

03:04:59.000 Tuesday?

03:04:59.000 Tomorrow night?

03:05:00.000 No.

03:05:00.000 I'm gonna be at Sam Tripoli's thing tomorrow.

03:05:02.000 Oh, I'll be there.

03:05:02.000 It's me and you.

03:05:03.000 Then I'm gonna be at the Improv at 10.30.

03:05:04.000 Oh, yeah.

03:05:05.000 Okay.

03:05:05.000 I'll see you then.

03:05:05.000 It's me and you.

03:05:06.000 And then I got Tabernacle next week.

03:05:09.000 Oh. 1.00

03:05:10.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

03:05:11.000 Atlanta. 1.00

03:05:11.000 I love that place. 1.00

03:05:12.000 That's why I did the special with you. 1.00

03:05:13.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

03:05:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:05:14.000 That's why I thought Brendan Schaub was gonna beat me up. 1.00

03:05:16.000 Ah!

03:05:17.000 I love you, brother.

03:05:17.000 I love you, too, man.

03:05:18.000 Good to see you, Jamie.

03:05:20.000 Make the right choice tonight.

03:05:22.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 13, 2020

Joe Rogan Experience #1409 - Joey Diaz

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript