The Joe Rogan Experience - April 23, 2020


Joe Rogan Experience #1462 - Kurt Metzger

Topics
Falun Gong Contact movie and gold record disc Operation Paperclip freedom dictatorship social justice warriors quiverfull analogy shoebill Adam Sandler movies tiger sex cult eating shoe leather schoolgirl fantasy Holland kickboxers Bruce Lee martial arts portrayal MKUltra experiments Operation Blueberry Bliss Portland weirdos car accident syphilis autopsy acid manipulation experiments marijuana
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Kurt Metzger
Mentioned
Dude Jesus Christ Bernie Jamie Kilstein Joey Diaz Melania Trump Michelle Obama Joe Biden Anderson Cooper Bobby Lee Bob Dylan Tom Rhodes Marilyn Manson Gene LaBelle Tracy Morgan Owen Smith Ed Hardy Screech Vegas Pete McGillicuddy and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1461 - Owen Smith Joe Rogan Experience #1463 - Tom Green

Episode Stats


Length

3 hours and 17 minutes

Words per minute

193.09

Word count

38,186

Sentence count

5,029

Harmful content

Misogyny

228

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,369

sentences flagged

Hate speech

163

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this week's episode, the boys talk about a new disease that's been making the rounds in the medical community, and a guy who grew up in a cult. They also talk about why they don't want to join a cult, and why they think it's a good idea to leave the one you're in now. Also, the guys talk about how to deal with cults, and what it's like to be in a religious cult. And, of course, there's a little bit of everything else, too. This episode was brought to you by Gimlet Media. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, tyops, and tyops again. Art: Mackenzie Moore Music: Hayden Coplen Editor: Patrick Muldowney Editor: Will Witwerth ( ) Editor: Ben Koppel ( ) Music: Jeff Perla ( ) Audio Engineer: Mike McLennon ( ) Editor: Christian Blanchard ( ) Mixing: Matthew McConaughey ( ) Editing: Patrick McDonough ( ) and Ben Kuchta ( ) Special thanks to Kaitlyn ( ) for the intro and outro music, and for the production of the theme song "Goodbye Outer Space" by Ian Dyer ( ) Weezer ( ) Our adlibs ( ) ( ) Thanks to our sponsor, and our sponsor "The Good Lord" ( ), and thanks to our patron( ) for making us laugh and cry ( ) Please rate us a song ( ) Thank you for listening to us out loud and making us feel good! Thank you so much more than we can't help us out with your support and we can do it. and we hope you enjoy this episode. (A little bit more of your support us out here in the next episode, we'll get a little more like that we can be a little better next week. Thank you, thank you for your support of us out there and we'll try to make it better than that in the rest of the place we can see you in the best of our day to help us make it like that you can do more of our best of your day to make us feel like we can help us do our best in our best on the next day and we're not doing our best, more of a day to be a better than this, we get it like this

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:01.000 And we're live.
00:00:02.000 Hey.
00:00:03.000 Look at you.
00:00:03.000 Smoking a blunt.
00:00:04.000 I know.
00:00:05.000 This is your celebratory blunt. 1.00
00:00:07.000 Holy shit, dude. 0.99
00:00:08.000 I'm still a little bit... 0.99
00:00:09.000 That felt like getting an AIDS test.
00:00:13.000 But you're clean.
00:00:14.000 You're good.
00:00:14.000 I know.
00:00:16.000 But you knew you were healthy.
00:00:17.000 You feel good.
00:00:18.000 Yeah, I haven't felt like I had something.
00:00:20.000 So you were worried you were one of the asymptomatic people.
00:00:22.000 Yeah.
00:00:23.000 They said as many as 60 to 70% could be asymptomatic.
00:00:27.000 Right, so I was like, I don't have it, but now I've got to drive all the way back.
00:00:30.000 That's why it's such a creepy disease.
00:00:32.000 There was an Anderson Cooper thing we were talking about earlier, where the mayor of Las Vegas was on with Anderson Cooper, and he was describing to her how one asymptomatic person can go to a restaurant, and it showed this chart of all the people that got infected by this one.
00:00:50.000 How did they get infected?
00:00:51.000 Just the air?
00:00:52.000 Just the air, yeah.
00:00:53.000 So he's trying to tell...
00:00:55.000 This is completely theoretical.
00:00:56.000 First of all, I don't know.
00:00:59.000 The people that are saying this from China, I mean, maybe they touched the same things.
00:01:06.000 Maybe there was a bunch of different factors.
00:01:07.000 I don't know.
00:01:08.000 I'm guessing it was just because of the air. 0.99
00:01:10.000 But I don't trust a goddamn thing they're saying that's coming from China. 0.98
00:01:14.000 If they're saying something, it's been approved by the government. 0.99
00:01:18.000 Right.
00:01:19.000 You know what I mean?
00:01:19.000 What's that paper?
00:01:21.000 The Epoch Times?
00:01:23.000 Epoch?
00:01:23.000 Yeah, Epoch Times.
00:01:25.000 What is that?
00:01:26.000 It's like, they'll be critical of China.
00:01:27.000 But I think the guy that owns it is a Falun Gong guy.
00:01:31.000 Oh.
00:01:32.000 So I've seen criticism.
00:01:33.000 What is the difference?
00:01:34.000 Well, Falun Gong is that persecuted Tai Chi religion in China.
00:01:39.000 Oh, really? 1.00
00:01:40.000 China's fucking crazy, dude. 1.00
00:01:41.000 Epoch Times is a multi-language newspaper founded in 2000 by John Tang and a group of Chinese Americans associated with the Falun Gang spiritual movement. 1.00
00:01:50.000 So who is he again?
00:01:52.000 I don't know who John Tang is.
00:01:54.000 No, no, no.
00:01:54.000 Falun Gong?
00:01:55.000 Falun Gong.
00:01:57.000 It's like Tai Chi, but I guess China considers it a cult.
00:02:01.000 What?
00:02:01.000 So they crack down on them like they're Uyghurs.
00:02:04.000 Oh, no. 1.00
00:02:05.000 Yeah, and it's just like meditation shit. 0.98
00:02:10.000 Qigong exercises with a moral philosophy centered on tenets of truthfulness, compassion, and forbearance. 1.00
00:02:15.000 Holy fuck, I might have to join. 0.99
00:02:17.000 I know. 1.00
00:02:18.000 I've been looking for a good cult.
00:02:19.000 The epic times, guys.
00:02:20.000 I've been saying this for years.
00:02:21.000 I want a good cult. 0.99
00:02:23.000 Come up with a good one that doesn't try to fuck me, doesn't take all my money, and it's not like one guy gets to bang everybody's wife. 1.00
00:02:31.000 Okay, stop banging your wife. 1.00
00:02:33.000 I'm going to bang your wife. 1.00
00:02:34.000 They always play out like that. 1.00
00:02:36.000 They do that gorilla, that fucking classic chimpanzee dominance thing where you lose face and balls. 0.99
00:02:43.000 Well, I would have said Jehovah's Witnesses was a good cult. 1.00
00:02:47.000 Because I'm not really bitter at Jehovah's Witnesses.
00:02:49.000 Well, let's tell everybody who doesn't know, because people might not be aware of your background.
00:02:53.000 You grew up as a Jehovah's Witness. 0.99
00:02:55.000 You're one of my friends that has the most rock-solid rules on not tolerating horse shit. 1.00
00:03:03.000 Because when people start bullshitting and saying nonsense, you're always the guy that's like, I know where this goes. 0.99
00:03:09.000 Yeah, well, for something like that, I'm hyper...
00:03:12.000 I am very, like, hypersensitive to culty.
00:03:16.000 Yeah.
00:03:16.000 I just don't want to go along with a thing because you have to go along with it.
00:03:19.000 Right.
00:03:19.000 And, like, come on, we're doing this.
00:03:21.000 That attitude is important.
00:03:23.000 Well, I just...
00:03:25.000 That's the reason I left...
00:03:27.000 Jove's Witnesses.
00:03:27.000 Of course.
00:03:28.000 I didn't want to have that.
00:03:29.000 Then, when I got out in the world, you can't escape it. 0.99
00:03:33.000 All these people that claim to be secular, that jump down your throat online or something like that, it's all the same shit, but they just got rid of the Jesus. 0.99
00:03:42.000 Yeah, they got rid of the higher power. 0.99
00:03:43.000 The love of Jesus Christ, they just got rid of that.
00:03:46.000 It's a pattern, right?
00:03:48.000 It's a pattern.
00:03:49.000 Yeah, I guess a set of habits.
00:03:51.000 It's comforting.
00:03:52.000 A comforting routine, I guess.
00:03:53.000 But it's, I mean, the thing when people do it to people.
00:03:57.000 It's almost like whether they're doing it because you're not a believer in Jesus, or you're doing it because you're not a vegan, or you're doing it because you don't support gender pronoun freedom.
00:04:07.000 Whatever it is.
00:04:08.000 That hardcore, you can sort of fit that mind into a bunch of different slots.
00:04:14.000 Yeah, this is what I do believe from religious people.
00:04:17.000 There is a human need for what religion fails.
00:04:19.000 And it's like, you know, hey, great, you got rid of Saddam, but now who's taking over?
00:04:24.000 I'm not so gung-ho on the, like, we need to get rid of, like, the Bill Maher level of atheism. 0.87
00:04:30.000 He's like, grow up or die.
00:04:32.000 That, like, I think he's not understanding, you know, some people need that. 1.00
00:04:38.000 And it's nothing to do with smart or stupid. 0.97
00:04:40.000 It's just a very deep feeling of belonging. 1.00
00:04:44.000 And if you don't get it from God, there's going to be, you know, there's worse shit to get it from. 0.99
00:04:50.000 Yes. 0.99
00:04:51.000 Yes.
00:04:51.000 There's some moral tenets if you really adopt Christianity.
00:04:56.000 Some of my favorite people are Christians and pretty hardcore Christians, people that I really like.
00:05:01.000 Here's one.
00:05:02.000 Listen, if you ever met a Christian, they're delightful.
00:05:04.000 It's just they're like unicorns.
00:05:06.000 There's probably like three of them.
00:05:07.000 The rest of the people are on a football team.
00:05:09.000 You know who's a real Christian in an admirable sense of the word?
00:05:13.000 It's Chris Pratt.
00:05:15.000 Guardians of the Galaxy guy?
00:05:16.000 Yeah, I've heard that.
00:05:17.000 I've never met him.
00:05:17.000 He's one of the nicest guys I've ever met.
00:05:19.000 He's so nice and genuine and right there with everyone.
00:05:23.000 Right.
00:05:23.000 He's very religious.
00:05:24.000 But I'll tell you what, man, if that's what it is, it's like if following those tenets the way that guy does, it turns you into that kind of a person.
00:05:34.000 He's an admirable person.
00:05:35.000 That's how you're supposed to...
00:05:36.000 It's not supposed to be...
00:05:37.000 You know, you're preaching at people.
00:05:39.000 Your behavior is supposed to be the witness.
00:05:41.000 Right.
00:05:42.000 And so people that come into it, a lot of times that's why they do.
00:05:44.000 They go, well, I saw this guy.
00:05:45.000 I'm like, if that's what that is, I want to be that.
00:05:47.000 You know what it's like?
00:05:48.000 It's like they've got to abandon the goofy stories.
00:05:51.000 If they just came out and said, listen, it's our belief that living in this way With this belief in a higher power and that holds you to a higher standard of behavior.
00:06:00.000 If all of that along with these tenants, you know, loving thy neighbor and treating each other as brothers and sisters as if we were all one.
00:06:09.000 Just all that.
00:06:11.000 You just got to stop saying someone came back from the dead.
00:06:13.000 You got to stop saying that.
00:06:14.000 Well, even those goofy stories, which I always would say that when I left.
00:06:22.000 A lot of them still work as metaphors, you know?
00:06:25.000 Yes, yes.
00:06:26.000 The ones that...
00:06:28.000 There's people at all levels of smarts, and they all need a thing to get on board.
00:06:33.000 So some people need a goofy story to get on board.
00:06:35.000 Like I said, I don't think that's the linchpin that's harming it.
00:06:38.000 I think it's just...
00:06:40.000 I don't believe that it transforms people's hearts. 0.94
00:06:42.000 Like, there's people that I saw when I was in Jehovah's Witnesses that they had a fucked up life that they turned around. 0.84
00:06:48.000 Okay? 0.54
00:06:49.000 But I don't think that that...
00:06:51.000 It fundamentally changed anything but their behavior.
00:06:53.000 They were just who they were, and this gave them a window to be, you know, like a good person.
00:06:58.000 Well, it's sometimes just a scaffolding.
00:06:59.000 You just need something to sort of build on, hold on to.
00:07:03.000 A structure.
00:07:03.000 A lot of people never had a structure.
00:07:04.000 Right, right, right.
00:07:04.000 So, you know, but if you're a psychopath, it's not going to change you into a not a psychopath.
00:07:09.000 Right. 0.99
00:07:10.000 It's going to be horrible because you're going to apply your psychopathic tendencies to the religion. 1.00
00:07:14.000 Well, and you see that, right? 0.93
00:07:15.000 I mean, the worst of the evangelists, that's what you're seeing, right?
00:07:18.000 You're seeing a con man who's found a tool that's beyond reproach.
00:07:23.000 Well, some of them are just like, you know, they're like, almost like, same as Marilyn Manson when he, you know, he had his thing that he did, Marilyn Manson, but he was ultimately like a guy that's going to play golf like Alice Cooper, like...
00:07:36.000 Hey man, I'm doing a show here.
00:07:38.000 That's what those guys...
00:07:39.000 Steve Martin made that movie...
00:07:41.000 What is it called?
00:07:42.000 Where he's...
00:07:43.000 Leap of Faith?
00:07:45.000 He plays like a TV preacher.
00:07:47.000 And he...
00:07:47.000 Because he saw this documentary about a real guy named Marjo...
00:07:52.000 Who copied Mick Jagger.
00:07:53.000 So he would go to these churches and do moves like Jagger for these old ladies. 0.98
00:07:58.000 And he would talk about it.
00:08:00.000 And he was just openly saying how it was a scam.
00:08:03.000 Anything you're making money off of like that, it doesn't go together. 1.00
00:08:06.000 That's how you know automatically the guy's full of shit because he's making a ton of money off it. 0.99
00:08:11.000 If they're a preacher. 1.00
00:08:12.000 Yeah, you're not supposed to get rich.
00:08:14.000 How come Jesus didn't get rich?
00:08:15.000 Right.
00:08:15.000 And especially when you get like arena rich.
00:08:18.000 Like you're buying arenas.
00:08:19.000 Yeah, right.
00:08:20.000 Like what's that guy's name?
00:08:21.000 The Joel guy?
00:08:23.000 Joel Osteen?
00:08:24.000 Yeah.
00:08:24.000 See, these guys come out of nowhere.
00:08:26.000 He's trying to do the least harm.
00:08:27.000 They're like pop singers.
00:08:28.000 They're like pop singers.
00:08:29.000 I don't know about them until they get so huge that they break through the public vernacular.
00:08:33.000 It's like pop singers.
00:08:34.000 Like I just learned who Billie Eilish was.
00:08:37.000 I didn't know this whole time.
00:08:39.000 I'm like, she doesn't know who, Van?
00:08:41.000 My sister had to inform me about Adele.
00:08:43.000 She goes, you know that song, Hello?
00:08:45.000 I go, no, I don't know that song.
00:08:46.000 You never had heard it just like...
00:08:48.000 No.
00:08:49.000 No, I've been fortunate to dodge a lot of...
00:08:53.000 Not her, not in a bad way against her.
00:08:55.000 I think she's got an amazing voice.
00:08:56.000 Don't get me wrong. 1.00
00:08:56.000 But you just haven't seen a lot of horse shit. 1.00
00:08:58.000 Dude, I'm old. 0.99
00:08:59.000 You're very talented.
00:09:00.000 I'm an old white guy who likes rap music and classic rock.
00:09:06.000 Hey, I'm just an old one.
00:09:07.000 I like my classic rock.
00:09:09.000 I like Led Zeppelin.
00:09:10.000 I like...
00:09:12.000 Oh, yeah, right.
00:09:13.000 So you knew who Van Halen was, not like Billie Eilish.
00:09:15.000 Oh, yeah.
00:09:16.000 Of course.
00:09:17.000 Dude, Van Halen.
00:09:18.000 But it's just like, at a certain point in time, I'm taking in too much music.
00:09:22.000 I don't have time for all this new stuff.
00:09:23.000 Yeah, well, there's an age where I was like, weren't we just talking about a different something I didn't care about?
00:09:31.000 Well, you know what's interesting about music is our lifetimes and our parents' lifetimes are the first times in human history where people had music collected where they could listen to it over and over and over again.
00:09:43.000 Our grandparents were probably the first.
00:09:46.000 My grandparents came over from Italy and from Ireland in the early 1900s.
00:09:51.000 So when they were coming over here, I guess they had record players, but how prevalent were they?
00:09:56.000 And what kind of music did they have?
00:09:57.000 I thought they had to stand around the window of a rich person's house, like a slave cranks the handle.
00:10:05.000 But, like, where was the recordings?
00:10:07.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:10:07.000 Like, they weren't that prevalent.
00:10:09.000 There certainly were some.
00:10:11.000 You know, they had recorded music before then.
00:10:13.000 But it's not like it was on your phone.
00:10:15.000 Didn't we send, you know that gold record we sent into space that has, like, a picture of, like, a transphobic picture of a man and a woman?
00:10:23.000 Does it have a dress?
00:10:24.000 Does a woman have a dress? 1.00
00:10:25.000 The woman has a dress and there's just those two. 1.00
00:10:27.000 Doesn't she just have breasts? 1.00
00:10:29.000 Do you know what the image looks like? 0.96
00:10:31.000 Oh, dude, it's hilarious.
00:10:32.000 And then the music, like some blues guy, like old Catfish Willie or something.
00:10:38.000 Something like that.
00:10:39.000 Yeah. 0.94
00:10:40.000 So just got some cool shit to make us look interesting. 0.95
00:10:43.000 Here's our drawing. 0.96
00:10:44.000 Yeah.
00:10:45.000 It's on gold because we're flossing.
00:10:47.000 This is what we're into, dude.
00:10:48.000 They sent it on a gold plate, you know.
00:10:49.000 It was like a gold record.
00:10:51.000 Yeah, it's on a gold plate, but the drawings made me laugh because they're all like stick figures.
00:10:56.000 I watched that movie Contact the other night.
00:10:59.000 With Jodie Foster?
00:11:00.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:11:01.000 Fuck, it's amazing. 1.00
00:11:02.000 Dude, I forgot how good it was. 1.00
00:11:04.000 Holy shit, is that a good movie? 0.99
00:11:06.000 A lot of it's good, but you weren't annoyed that the aliens are like, we're going to look like your dead father because you couldn't handle... 0.99
00:11:13.000 No.
00:11:14.000 I can handle seeing aliens.
00:11:17.000 Is it?
00:11:19.000 But there's images of males and females.
00:11:22.000 You've got to flip it over to the B-side.
00:11:24.000 Yeah, there it is on the other side.
00:11:26.000 Yeah, where's the man and woman? 0.61
00:11:28.000 Oh, there you go. 1.00
00:11:30.000 There's two tits on the bottom. 1.00
00:11:31.000 Where? 0.99
00:11:33.000 Where is it?
00:11:34.000 Isn't it in there, though?
00:11:35.000 Yeah, I thought there was.
00:11:38.000 Maybe it's something else we're thinking of?
00:11:41.000 I don't know.
00:11:41.000 But I swore there were images on that thing.
00:11:45.000 Of what humans look like.
00:11:46.000 So why is different discs have different images?
00:11:48.000 There's not more than one disc, is there?
00:11:50.000 Are we sending mixed messages to them?
00:11:55.000 Something's coming up, but it's not a picture on the gold thing. 0.61
00:11:58.000 Are there titties on this record?
00:12:00.000 What do they look like? 0.76
00:12:01.000 Is it recognizable?
00:12:03.000 It's like someone just drew it, though, on a piece of paper.
00:12:06.000 And like I said, this is on there.
00:12:07.000 The Pioneer plaque?
00:12:09.000 Okay.
00:12:10.000 Well, whatever it is, in the movie Contact, they got that recording and they sent it back to Earth.
00:12:16.000 Yeah.
00:12:17.000 And that movie, like...
00:12:19.000 It had a cool, like, how it might go down thing about it.
00:12:22.000 So much about it was cool.
00:12:24.000 It's just the end.
00:12:25.000 The end was like, come on, man.
00:12:26.000 And the guy who blew himself up, like the religious dude who blew himself up, like that was a little cartoon. 0.58
00:12:30.000 I swear.
00:12:31.000 I thought you were just going to say the guy who blew himself.
00:12:33.000 I'm like, well, that was an interesting part.
00:12:36.000 Spoiler alert.
00:12:37.000 Yeah, who was the guy that blew himself up?
00:12:39.000 I think it's Gary Busey's son.
00:12:42.000 Jake Busey, that's right.
00:12:43.000 Yeah, he's great in it.
00:12:44.000 I met that guy recently.
00:12:45.000 And also the idea that, you know.
00:12:48.000 He's great in this movie.
00:12:49.000 This was like a piece of paper called Pioneer 10. Oh, that's it.
00:12:51.000 That's it right there.
00:12:52.000 This was not the same as that gold thing.
00:12:54.000 Okay.
00:12:54.000 This was 72. The gold thing was 73. Oh, okay.
00:12:57.000 Well, this was the first then.
00:12:58.000 And then the record was a different thing.
00:13:01.000 Okay, we conflated the two.
00:13:03.000 So go to the image again.
00:13:04.000 Let me see the image.
00:13:05.000 Let me see the guy's dong.
00:13:07.000 Go to the one on the left.
00:13:08.000 That one right there.
00:13:09.000 Yeah, make that one big.
00:13:12.000 Is that what they're gonna think dongs are? 1.00
00:13:14.000 He's like, hi, here's my dick. 1.00
00:13:15.000 And she's like... 1.00
00:13:16.000 Now, most human dicks don't come past the balls. 1.00
00:13:19.000 And I like how they had the woman built like a real woman. 1.00
00:13:22.000 She's not like a porn star woman. 1.00
00:13:24.000 Well, where's her penis? 1.00
00:13:25.000 Gave her a little bit of an ass. 1.00
00:13:26.000 Her penis? 1.00
00:13:27.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:13:28.000 He's like, hi. 0.99
00:13:29.000 Where's penis women on here? 1.00
00:13:31.000 Isn't that a... 1.00
00:13:32.000 I mean, it's a weird...
00:13:33.000 Yeah, if they show up and think we're down to party and everybody's all bundled up...
00:13:37.000 Well, that image is showing us how ridiculous we, like, assume the aliens would think our clothes are.
00:13:44.000 Yeah, what if the aliens send theirs back and they're fully clothed? 0.51
00:13:47.000 And like, why did you guys... 1.00
00:13:48.000 Why did you send me a dick pic, you fucking weirdos? 1.00
00:13:51.000 It's an intergalactic dick pic. 1.00
00:13:55.000 We actually sent a dick pic to space. 1.00
00:13:57.000 It's an intergalactic dick pic. 0.99
00:13:58.000 And it's an unnecessary dick pic too. 0.99
00:14:00.000 No one looks like that when they're waving to you. 0.99
00:14:03.000 That's sending a bad message.
00:14:06.000 Like, hi, I'm naked.
00:14:07.000 Here I am. 1.00
00:14:08.000 No, you'd be covering your dick and balls like, hey man, where the fuck did you come from? 1.00
00:14:13.000 Can't just look at my dick and balls. 1.00
00:14:15.000 This is weird. 1.00
00:14:15.000 I like that they didn't really put a vagina. 1.00
00:14:17.000 They just put, like, here's the important parts. 0.85
00:14:19.000 Right. 0.99
00:14:19.000 Well, you see the penis? 0.99
00:14:21.000 Clearly. 1.00
00:14:22.000 And the vagina's like... 1.00
00:14:22.000 And then she Barbie dolled. 1.00
00:14:23.000 They Barbie dolled the... 0.95
00:14:24.000 The woman's little Barbie dolled. 0.97
00:14:26.000 Where's her pubes? 1.00
00:14:27.000 Where's everybody's pubes? 0.98
00:14:28.000 Is this on a porno set? 0.99
00:14:30.000 This is a porno set. 0.98
00:14:31.000 How come they got hair in their head?
00:14:33.000 They don't have hair in their box.
00:14:34.000 Well, when was this sent out?
00:14:35.000 They probably did have hair. 1.00
00:14:36.000 72. Hairy as fuck. 1.00
00:14:38.000 This is misleading. 1.00
00:14:40.000 This is misleading.
00:14:41.000 So they were very futuristic back then when they drew that.
00:14:43.000 They were really into porn.
00:14:44.000 They were way ahead of their time.
00:14:46.000 And why does the guy have such Caucasian hair? 0.97
00:14:48.000 That's my other question.
00:14:49.000 Right, right.
00:14:50.000 What percentage of the population has hair that looks like that?
00:14:54.000 It looks like a young gnome Chomsky's hair.
00:14:59.000 It's just a weird image.
00:15:00.000 It's very weird.
00:15:02.000 Hi, aliens.
00:15:03.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:15:04.000 Here's my dick. 1.00
00:15:05.000 But also, it's weird in just that... 1.00
00:15:09.000 We're kind of acknowledging that superior intellects would think clothes are weird.
00:15:13.000 Is that what that is?
00:15:15.000 We're letting them know. 1.00
00:15:16.000 Underneath all our Adidas and our fucking jeans. 1.00
00:15:20.000 They must have argued about that, too. 1.00
00:15:21.000 They must have had a long conversation.
00:15:24.000 The people that are funding this are like, really? 0.98
00:15:27.000 We draw on a dick and send it out to the aliens? 0.98
00:15:31.000 Who is funding it? 0.99
00:15:32.000 I don't know.
00:15:33.000 I mean, who is making the call?
00:15:35.000 Sounds like the cowboy guy from The Simpsons.
00:15:37.000 It was probably a Nazi. 0.80
00:15:39.000 Oh, yeah.
00:15:41.000 Honestly, like legitimately.
00:15:42.000 That's right.
00:15:43.000 Didn't we get all like Wernher von Braun?
00:15:45.000 Oh, yeah.
00:15:46.000 Dude, Wernher von Braun was a legit Nazi. 0.82
00:15:50.000 They used to hang the slowest Jews in front of his rocket factory in Berlin. 0.97
00:15:54.000 Yeah.
00:15:55.000 Jesus!
00:15:55.000 Oh, dude.
00:15:57.000 The Simon Wiesenthal Center said that if he was alive, they'd prosecute him for crimes against humanity.
00:16:01.000 What do you mean the slowest?
00:16:02.000 Do they have a race? 1.00
00:16:02.000 They had some thing where they would make everybody work faster and harder by killing the slowest guys, the slowest girls, whoever the Jewish prisoners, and they would hang them. 1.00
00:16:18.000 I remember him from a Disney thing about rocket science. 0.98
00:16:21.000 He was a part of Operation Paperclip.
00:16:23.000 There he is, right there.
00:16:24.000 And Operation Paperclip imported all these Nazi scientists to run NASA. I knew that, but I didn't know... 0.95
00:16:32.000 He's a part of that.
00:16:32.000 I thought he was always like, no, I wasn't with those guys.
00:16:35.000 Bro, look at him, chilling.
00:16:37.000 Go to that picture again.
00:16:38.000 Hold on, sorry.
00:16:39.000 Just stop and think about that.
00:16:41.000 This dude was a Nazi in Germany during World War II. Comes back and he's running our space program with his feet up on a desk. 0.85
00:16:50.000 Do you want to go to space or you want to get hung up on people's Nazi pads? 0.53
00:16:54.000 For real, that's what it does. 0.99
00:16:55.000 You want to get a dick pic to space or not? 0.99
00:16:58.000 They got this genius bilingual motherfucker to come over here and show us how rockets are done. 1.00
00:17:03.000 They were ahead. 0.99
00:17:04.000 They were ahead with rockets.
00:17:05.000 They were ahead with engineering.
00:17:06.000 Attell goes, they're all ahead with science because they plug an extension cord into a Jew to try to invent a computer. 1.00
00:17:15.000 Attell.
00:17:17.000 I miss him.
00:17:18.000 He's the guy that, like, I don't want him to not be doing stand-up.
00:17:21.000 Oh, I know.
00:17:22.000 For this downtime.
00:17:23.000 You know, he's...
00:17:24.000 I don't know anybody who does as many sets as Dave.
00:17:27.000 Oh, dude, I like calling, because I always know what Tim Cole, because he's got, there's no, you know, it says no number, and it's like a really ungodly hour, like...
00:17:35.000 He was killing me, dude.
00:17:36.000 He wanted to make a prank show called Prankistan, where it's just Middle Easterners doing pranks on people. 1.00
00:17:43.000 The most inappropriate pranks.
00:17:49.000 He shouldn't be taking time off.
00:17:52.000 When do you think we'll be able to do stand-up again?
00:17:55.000 I was going to ask you. 1.00
00:17:56.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:17:58.000 That's the problem, right? 1.00
00:18:00.000 When everyone can get a test for COVID-19?
00:18:02.000 No, the problem is when...
00:18:04.000 You think that'll be it?
00:18:06.000 I don't know.
00:18:07.000 I didn't realize that the tests were so...
00:18:10.000 They're around.
00:18:11.000 I thought...
00:18:12.000 Is it just in some states they don't have the tests?
00:18:13.000 Well...
00:18:14.000 Some places don't have them, and there's that.
00:18:18.000 There's also that there's some tests that are FDA approved and some aren't.
00:18:23.000 And why that is the case, I'm not going to speculate because I really wouldn't know what I'm talking about. 0.99
00:18:28.000 Probably whoever fucking... 0.99
00:18:30.000 Could be. 1.00
00:18:30.000 I would be pretending if I knew. 1.00
00:18:32.000 Whoever flew on the Epstein plane with the FDA guy.
00:18:36.000 But the company I use is, they're very confident that their tests work, and they say, even though they're not FDA approved, it's for your well-being, for your own knowledge.
00:18:47.000 Is it that they're incorrect mostly with false positives, or they won't tell you and you did have it?
00:18:52.000 I don't know.
00:18:53.000 It's a good question.
00:18:54.000 Because if it's false, if they tell you that you had it and you didn't, that's not quite as bad.
00:18:57.000 Yeah.
00:18:58.000 It's a little more safe than sorry than a...
00:19:00.000 The doctor said they've had many positives.
00:19:03.000 They've had plenty of positives.
00:19:04.000 And a lot of people that just had like a little bit of a cough for a few days and went away and it turned out to be positive.
00:19:11.000 Really?
00:19:11.000 Yeah, and some people with no symptoms at all.
00:19:13.000 Okay, so if you just had a cough and went away in a few days, does that mean you don't get...
00:19:19.000 That's a good question, right?
00:19:20.000 Does that mean that you're immune?
00:19:22.000 No one knows.
00:19:23.000 They don't know.
00:19:24.000 They really don't know.
00:19:25.000 It's a new disease.
00:19:27.000 Whenever something's new, it's like there's guesswork going on.
00:19:30.000 It's like, who knows?
00:19:31.000 They don't really exactly know.
00:19:33.000 They know a few things about it.
00:19:35.000 They're learning more.
00:19:36.000 Aren't they getting lots of help from China?
00:19:38.000 There's plenty of help.
00:19:40.000 The lady, the Las Vegas mayor, Anderson Cooper.
00:19:45.000 So Anderson's explaining this to her.
00:19:47.000 And he's in a restaurant in China.
00:19:50.000 She's like, China! 1.00
00:19:51.000 This is Las Vegas, Nevada!
00:19:53.000 This isn't China! 1.00
00:19:58.000 He actually said to her, wow, that's very ignorant. 0.99
00:20:01.000 That's an incredible... 0.96
00:20:03.000 It was indicative of how those are, first of all, indicative of how those are not real conversations.
00:20:08.000 Yeah, right.
00:20:09.000 You're going to talk about something that complicated it shouldn't be.
00:20:12.000 You're over there.
00:20:13.000 I'm over here. 1.00
00:20:14.000 There's like a fucking thing in your ear. 1.00
00:20:16.000 You don't even see me. 1.00
00:20:18.000 And you're just talking into a camera, which is what a lot of those are.
00:20:21.000 He loves it.
00:20:22.000 Anderson Cooper is one of the ones that loves...
00:20:25.000 He loves, like, pretend performative, oh, I can't believe this, and he's like, keep it coming.
00:20:30.000 Yeah, keep it coming, baby.
00:20:33.000 What's it?
00:20:33.000 Don't remember him as Donald Sterling?
00:20:34.000 When Donald Sterling was like, when Magic had those aids, I used to pray for him and all that shit. 0.94
00:20:40.000 And I watch Anderson Cooper in the beginning go, warning, it might be kind of shocking. 0.95
00:20:44.000 Like, is it?
00:20:45.000 Like, it looked like he was holding in, jizzing his pants every time the guy would say another word.
00:20:49.000 Well, he's very good at his job.
00:20:51.000 He must enjoy some of that. 1.00
00:20:52.000 He must enjoy catching people saying stupid shit like that. 1.00
00:20:56.000 I mean, that's like what their whole job is. 1.00
00:20:57.000 This is Las Vegas, Nevada!
00:21:00.000 I mean, I do appreciate it.
00:21:02.000 What does that mean that disease doesn't spread the same way with people from Vegas?
00:21:06.000 First of all, people from Vegas are from the whole world. 0.97
00:21:08.000 That's what's ridiculous. 0.92
00:21:10.000 Look, there's a ton of Chinese people gamble a lot. 1.00
00:21:12.000 A lot!
00:21:13.000 Like, there's probably in Vegas before anywhere.
00:21:16.000 Bro, they build casinos to the standards of Chinese people. 1.00
00:21:22.000 Like, if there's things that are not feng shui, like, here's an example.
00:21:27.000 The MGM. He had to walk in through the mouth of a lion.
00:21:30.000 They don't have black people in? 0.99
00:21:30.000 And they were like, check, please. 0.99
00:21:32.000 We're not walking through a lion's mouth. 1.00
00:21:34.000 They had to change the fucking facility. 1.00
00:21:37.000 Yes, it's bad luck! 1.00
00:21:39.000 You can't walk into a fucking lion's mouth. 1.00
00:21:41.000 It does make sense, by the way. 1.00
00:21:42.000 It totally makes sense.
00:21:44.000 What? 1.00
00:21:44.000 What are you, stupid? 1.00
00:21:45.000 I have that superstition now that you mentioned it. 1.00
00:21:48.000 Especially if you're gambling?
00:21:48.000 Yeah.
00:21:49.000 And you're like, come on, babe, I'm going to take these motherfuckers down. 1.00
00:21:51.000 And then you're walking through a lion's head. 1.00
00:21:53.000 You're like, goddammit, it's a trap. 1.00
00:21:55.000 I'm so stupid. 1.00
00:21:56.000 I walked into the lion's mouth figuratively. 1.00
00:21:58.000 Can they make it like a dragon's head or like a better luck animal?
00:22:00.000 I don't think you're allowed to walk through an animal's head.
00:22:02.000 That means the animal's eating you.
00:22:03.000 They're more sensible about it than we are.
00:22:05.000 What if it's a very lucky dragon and it's eating you?
00:22:08.000 That's gotta be good.
00:22:09.000 Yeah, it's like you gotta be in the belly of the beast in order to get the magic. 0.97
00:22:13.000 No, they're not dumb. 0.99
00:22:14.000 They're not gonna go through that fucking lion's mouth on their way to a den of gambling, trying to win money from this multi-billion dollar machine. 1.00
00:22:21.000 Maybe if you didn't slaughter every rare animal to get a fucking six-inch boner, you wouldn't have these bad luck problems. 1.00
00:22:29.000 Dude, can you imagine that whole rhino horn thing? 1.00
00:22:33.000 Like you're over some dude's house and you're like...
00:22:36.000 Would you like some rhino tea?
00:22:38.000 That's what it was, right? 1.00
00:22:40.000 The principle is literally just because it has a fucking horn that looks kind of like a dick. 1.00
00:22:44.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:45.000 Don't have anything dick-like on your person as an animal in China because somebody will be like that. 0.99
00:22:50.000 Somebody's got to snort powder of that. 0.99
00:22:52.000 Well, I talked to a friend of mine about this.
00:22:55.000 He knows a lot about Chinese culture.
00:22:57.000 And what he said was that it's not really that they think it's going to give them a boner, because they know about Viagra, but it's that it shows that you have this.
00:23:07.000 So it's a very difficult thing to get.
00:23:09.000 Did you ever go there?
00:23:10.000 I've never been to China.
00:23:11.000 I've been to Taiwan, though.
00:23:13.000 Taiwan is very different, I think.
00:23:14.000 I've never been to Taiwan, but I went to the, you know, mainland, the big island of China.
00:23:19.000 Yeah.
00:23:19.000 And it was the most materialistic, like, you know, having big labels on your clothes.
00:23:26.000 There's all these fake Ed Hardy jackets that I guess are very expensive. 0.98
00:23:29.000 And it would have, like, remember Minnie Pearl that had that big price tag on her fucking head? 0.98
00:23:34.000 It was, like, that big. 0.98
00:23:35.000 And it would be hanging off a very obviously not Ed Hardy jacket.
00:23:39.000 Dude, there's a sneaker where it's in style to wear the label. 0.96
00:23:42.000 We had a shit fit about it on this podcast. 0.92
00:23:45.000 What's it called again, Jamie? 0.99
00:23:48.000 Off-white shoes.
00:23:49.000 Yes, there you go.
00:23:50.000 Thank you.
00:23:50.000 It's a giant plastic tag.
00:23:53.000 I hope it's a GPS tracker that just tracks dummies.
00:23:57.000 It might be.
00:23:58.000 Look at all these dummies with these tags on their feet. 0.95
00:24:01.000 Let's see what they do. 1.00
00:24:02.000 The people that keep that shit on their feet. 1.00
00:24:04.000 Let's see what they do. 1.00
00:24:05.000 That's the biggest insult you could say to someone.
00:24:07.000 It's like, I heard you're poor.
00:24:09.000 That's a terrible, terrible insult there.
00:24:12.000 Why would it say, I heard you're poor?
00:24:15.000 It's just a way that people insult each other.
00:24:17.000 Like, oh, you're poor.
00:24:18.000 That's the meanest thing you can say.
00:24:20.000 I mean, it's probably not the meanest.
00:24:22.000 Go walk in a tiger mouth is the meanest.
00:24:27.000 You're talking about in China. 0.61
00:24:28.000 So if someone says, I heard you're poor, that's like the worst insult they can say to you.
00:24:33.000 Calling you poor.
00:24:34.000 The I heard part is just...
00:24:36.000 That's just how it came out.
00:24:36.000 Just calling you poor is like the ultimate insult.
00:24:39.000 Yeah, so everything...
00:24:40.000 It's like an 80s movie bully...
00:24:43.000 You know what's important about that?
00:24:46.000 Whether it's North Korea or China, it's important for us to realize that there's styles of living that work.
00:24:54.000 And one of the big ones that works is freedom.
00:24:57.000 Yeah, right.
00:24:58.000 And this is the best place for that freedom style of living is right here.
00:25:02.000 And then you realize that in this same day and age, not a small country, but a country with three times as many people as us can be controlled by a military dictatorship.
00:25:14.000 Well, dude, I was shocked.
00:25:15.000 It sounds like a weird thing to say, but I was shocked by how much more freedoms they had.
00:25:20.000 And I don't mean... 1.00
00:25:21.000 You're not free to like, hey, fuck you, the government. 1.00
00:25:24.000 You're not at all. 1.00
00:25:24.000 Don't even go home. 1.00
00:25:25.000 At all?
00:25:25.000 Yeah.
00:25:25.000 If you said anything like that, they would come after you.
00:25:28.000 No, when I did comedy, you'd say, any political shit you want, just nothing about China. 0.98
00:25:32.000 And at the time, I was like, I don't know anything about China, so fine. 0.97
00:25:35.000 So...
00:25:36.000 But you could just smoke wherever, like the hospital.
00:25:40.000 You could, like my friend, we went to go eat at some hot pot place.
00:25:45.000 That was like the only Chinese food I had was hot pot, it's called.
00:25:48.000 And we couldn't find parking. 0.97
00:25:49.000 And he fucking parked on some stairs, like the front stairs to a building. 0.99
00:25:53.000 He just parked like that. 0.99
00:25:54.000 And I was like, are you allowed to park here?
00:25:56.000 And he goes, it's fine that it's late.
00:25:57.000 The cops went home.
00:25:58.000 The cops just go home at night.
00:26:00.000 Jesus Christ.
00:26:01.000 Yeah, so that's why they had to have that.
00:26:03.000 So, you know, it is like 1984-ish, but that social credit system where they can't possibly police that many people.
00:26:11.000 The cities I went to were like three New York City cities all next to each other in a row.
00:26:16.000 Like, it's enormous. 0.99
00:26:18.000 It's like fucking Judge Dredd. 0.98
00:26:21.000 It looked like going to the future is what it looked like. 0.99
00:26:23.000 Everybody had a mask on.
00:26:24.000 I got a theory, man.
00:26:26.000 And my theory is, if you look at all the old, old cultures, like so many of the old, old cultures, except for parts of Europe, but a lot of the old Asian cultures, they still, like they've been around, like what country's been around longer than China?
00:26:42.000 Yeah, that's a massive point of pride.
00:26:43.000 It's like you get an inverse kind of, like in America's, it's like new money compared to old money, like the...
00:26:51.000 My point was, I wonder if after a certain amount of years, even a real valid democracy eventually gives in to the weight of people's instincts to control each other.
00:27:05.000 I wonder if China's the most controlling, but it's the longest surviving country, right? 1.00
00:27:11.000 Somebody told me that they've had the same government this entire time.
00:27:17.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:27:21.000 Yeah.
00:27:36.000 Like, greed is good if it has that feeling about, you know what I mean?
00:27:40.000 And also, I was shocked how good the comics were.
00:27:44.000 Really?
00:27:45.000 Yeah, well, all the streaming stuff is there.
00:27:48.000 So, you know, whatever.
00:27:49.000 They've seen all your comedy.
00:27:50.000 So they have like, I was just surprised.
00:27:53.000 Like, oh, this is like, they get how to do stand-up.
00:27:56.000 So, were they expats?
00:28:00.000 Were they people that lived there?
00:28:01.000 The shows I did where there were expats and also people from there.
00:28:05.000 Wow.
00:28:06.000 That's cool.
00:28:07.000 But it's got to be a tricky tightrope to walk doing stand-up in China.
00:28:11.000 Dude, not...
00:28:12.000 Well, I had nothing to say about China.
00:28:14.000 I didn't know any of Winnie the Pooh stuff at the time.
00:28:16.000 Yeah, but I mean, for someone who does stand up there in China, like locals... 1.00
00:28:21.000 You have to more...
00:28:22.000 I think what you have to worry about is another business, because it's popular.
00:28:25.000 People like it, but let's say some guy down the block runs a bar.
00:28:28.000 Mm-hmm.
00:28:29.000 And he's jealous that you're getting business.
00:28:31.000 He can go to the interior ministry people and go, they're putting anti-communist propaganda out.
00:28:36.000 And then something with a buddy of mine.
00:28:37.000 And he knew people at the ministry.
00:28:40.000 And they go, listen, we know you weren't doing that.
00:28:42.000 But you just can't do shows for six months.
00:28:44.000 Because merely because someone reported it, we have to do that. 0.84
00:28:49.000 So that's the shitty thing.
00:28:51.000 This is one of the instinct that people have to do things like that. 0.85
00:28:54.000 It's one of the reasons why I got so upset when LA started offering rewards.
00:28:59.000 Snitches get wishes. 1.00
00:29:00.000 Snitch on social distancing violators.
00:29:04.000 So if someone is like high-fiving his neighbor or you go over to the next door neighbor's house, you have dinner or something like that.
00:29:11.000 People are snitching people out for money.
00:29:13.000 I was already reporting people for high-fives before this virus.
00:29:16.000 People are like, they're getting very into...
00:29:20.000 Well, don't you think they just figured out, like, the people like that?
00:29:23.000 Because when this is the first thing for his hit, people didn't...
00:29:26.000 It was funny watching, especially, like, the social jihadis trying to figure out what side of this they're on.
00:29:31.000 Right.
00:29:32.000 And they're like, well, I don't know.
00:29:33.000 So for a little bit they were like, okay, whatever Trump says, I'm against that.
00:29:36.000 And then now it's more on the, okay, you've got to social distance.
00:29:41.000 Enforcing it, it seems like that group went to that now.
00:29:45.000 Yeah.
00:29:45.000 And also policing who gets tested.
00:29:47.000 Yeah.
00:29:48.000 Well, it seems like this is the new thing now, right?
00:29:50.000 It's like, here's the new thing to be outraged about.
00:29:52.000 It's like, who is going outside without a mask?
00:29:56.000 Who is doing this without gloves on?
00:29:58.000 Well, you have to transfer your business.
00:30:00.000 Yeah.
00:30:00.000 Because that was a big business before this, and it's like, how do I adjust my business?
00:30:04.000 Because I don't think anyone is outraged.
00:30:07.000 Yeah, no one is outraged.
00:30:09.000 Do you think they aren't?
00:30:11.000 Or do you think they are foolishly focusing on things that are not as important Well, that's if you are serious about it.
00:30:20.000 But that's not the people that make a living off doing it.
00:30:24.000 If I see it in the media, then it's not sincere.
00:30:27.000 100%.
00:30:27.000 Well, there's a lot of that, for sure.
00:30:29.000 But there's a lot of things.
00:30:30.000 You can't rule out people actually being upset about something that's legitimately upsetting.
00:30:35.000 Unless you're making, it's almost like the thing we're talking about, the preacher thing.
00:30:38.000 If you're getting rich off it, I don't believe you.
00:30:40.000 Well, the problem is it's like a cry wolf thing.
00:30:42.000 It's like there are some things that, like, did you see the Elon Musk beef that he got in with someone who is a reporter for CNN? Yeah, why?
00:30:51.000 Okay, why are they so anti him?
00:30:54.000 I don't know.
00:30:54.000 I don't know, but it didn't make any sense because he said- That's the respirator thing.
00:30:59.000 Yeah, and he said, are you aware that there's a search function on Twitter?
00:31:02.000 And then they played little semantic games to- Well, he started retweeting these different nurses that are showing these respirators and they're like thanking him and smiling and holding up the Tesla sign and he showed all the different places that are getting these respirators and explained and they're still- They're not going to go back on it.
00:31:21.000 They're not retracting it.
00:31:22.000 Well, they're not technically respirators.
00:31:24.000 They're a different kind of thing.
00:31:25.000 And they are respirators, by the way.
00:31:26.000 It was different ones from different places, I believe.
00:31:29.000 It's ones hospitals asked him to get, and they are respirators.
00:31:32.000 They're non-invasive respirators. 0.99
00:31:33.000 It's bullshit. 0.99
00:31:34.000 They're CPAP machines. 1.00
00:31:35.000 But it's pumping oxygen into your lungs, right?
00:31:39.000 It's a type of a respirator, isn't it?
00:31:41.000 I don't know.
00:31:42.000 I don't have COVID-19.
00:31:43.000 I got tested.
00:31:44.000 Well, you just did.
00:31:45.000 Congratulations. 0.99
00:31:46.000 I'm talking out of my ass, but I do know that oxygen goes into those things. 0.99
00:31:51.000 I mean, that's the whole reason why sleep apnea people wear them. 0.99
00:31:55.000 No, they're a kind of ventilator.
00:31:58.000 And the hospital said, could you get these for us? 0.98
00:32:00.000 But out of all the shit to give someone a hard time about, it's like he's donating these things for free. 0.99
00:32:06.000 He trashed the media. 1.00
00:32:08.000 Didn't he on Twitter be like, doesn't the press suck? 0.99
00:32:11.000 It's like he wrote Cop Killer or something. 0.92
00:32:16.000 If you go on YouTube, this guy, Alec Bostwick, he's a reporter.
00:32:23.000 I caught a video of his where he's explaining it.
00:32:25.000 It's like cops.
00:32:26.000 The media's like cops.
00:32:27.000 And a PR person's your lawyer.
00:32:29.000 So you don't ever talk to the cops without a lawyer, you know?
00:32:33.000 Wow.
00:32:33.000 And we need journalists, we need cops, but the people that abuse it are corrupt, which is like a lot of them.
00:32:39.000 There's so many people doing it, right?
00:32:40.000 And there's different styles of doing it.
00:32:42.000 Well, there's a certain amount of, like, serve and collect where, so now these people, they were talking about COVID-19, like, they didn't know how to handle this for their business of, like, we gotta condemn people.
00:32:52.000 It's almost like a fossil fuel they're almost out of.
00:32:54.000 Right.
00:32:55.000 Of digging your tweets.
00:32:57.000 They're like, well, how far back do your tweets go?
00:33:00.000 And it's like, there's ones they're saving, like, okay, we have these old blackface pics of Tom Hanks or something.
00:33:08.000 What about these Indian baseball teams?
00:33:10.000 Yeah, right.
00:33:11.000 The Braves, the Indians. 0.99
00:33:13.000 Didn't somebody get mad at Adam Driver because of...
00:33:17.000 This one was crazy.
00:33:18.000 I didn't even know he was in the military, but he went and served in Iraq because after 9-11, he wanted to go fight against, you know, he said he had a vague, he goes, nothing against Muslims, but I had a feeling of, I want to go fight whoever attacked. 0.51
00:33:30.000 So, he's Islamophobic.
00:33:32.000 There's a whole Twitter.
00:33:34.000 Islamophobia thing, which is wild, dude.
00:33:36.000 That's how far disconnected Twitter is. 0.98
00:33:39.000 That section of Twitter that does that, that's how absolutely fucking break from reality.
00:33:46.000 Well, it's a new form of communication, and through this new form of communication, people have strengthened ideologies. 0.75
00:33:54.000 For good or for bad.
00:33:56.000 And I think that's just part of what that is.
00:33:58.000 That's part of what that is with the outrage Twitter, but it's also part of what that is with all the good stuff, like the scientific debate Twitter and people talking about different issues in the calm, collectible.
00:34:08.000 Can't throw out the baby with the bathwater.
00:34:10.000 There's a lot of good to what's going on with weird online social discourse, but you're definitely seeing people get enraged and inflamed more often.
00:34:21.000 Well, by the way, when you brought up the cult thing in the beginning, that's what it is.
00:34:26.000 That's a certain kind of cult, and you can't talk anybody out of being in a cult.
00:34:30.000 Especially when I was a deep believer, you wouldn't have shown me any evidence or anything that would have made me turn from my cult.
00:34:38.000 When people leave, it's because when you need it to do what it's supposed to do, it didn't do that for you.
00:34:45.000 When you needed it.
00:34:46.000 So that's how people leave. 1.00
00:34:47.000 They don't leave because you tell them they're stupid or any of that. 0.99
00:34:50.000 So all these Sakjas types are the same way. 1.00
00:34:53.000 As it fails for them, you can see people now like, I'm not doing it.
00:34:57.000 Jamie Kilstein is one of the first, right?
00:34:59.000 He's the best example, in my opinion, because he's been really honest about how gross he felt when he was attacking people on Twitter.
00:35:08.000 I talked to him after, yeah.
00:35:08.000 And he was like an ex-cult guy.
00:35:10.000 It was crazy.
00:35:11.000 Yeah, and then they went after him. 0.99
00:35:12.000 And he was like, oh shit, like... 0.98
00:35:14.000 No one's safe. 1.00
00:35:15.000 Well, so it's the running out of fuel for these fucking things. 0.99
00:35:19.000 It's the fossil fuel? 0.99
00:35:21.000 Yeah, I mean, they're just going to dig through all of it.
00:35:23.000 It's like polluting.
00:35:24.000 That's why they're going to like 83. 1983, you touch someone's vagina. 1.00
00:35:28.000 Who was 1983? 0.99
00:35:31.000 1983, the 1980s one was actually the guy from Star Trek got in trouble.
00:35:37.000 Who?
00:35:39.000 Picard?
00:35:39.000 No, no, no.
00:35:40.000 The guy who's always on Howard Stern's show.
00:35:44.000 Sulu?
00:35:44.000 Yes.
00:35:46.000 George Takei. 1.00
00:35:47.000 Wait, he grabbed a vagina, you said? 1.00
00:35:49.000 No, he grabbed someone's penis or something. 1.00
00:35:52.000 Oh, okay. 0.99
00:35:52.000 In 1983 or something like that. 0.99
00:35:54.000 Like, legitimately.
00:35:55.000 Like, talking about in the 80s.
00:35:56.000 I mean, it sounds about right.
00:35:58.000 Yeah.
00:36:00.000 He said it never happened.
00:36:02.000 But it's like if they run out of outrage, if people really run out of outrage and they go searching for it in old television shows.
00:36:10.000 There's a lot of movies that if you went searching for them, like outrage, you'd get really mad.
00:36:16.000 If you were looking, you watch...
00:36:18.000 Yeah, right.
00:36:18.000 Well, people are looking...
00:36:19.000 Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
00:36:21.000 Oh, yeah.
00:36:23.000 Who is mad about that?
00:36:24.000 Oh, part two?
00:36:25.000 Which is the one?
00:36:27.000 No.
00:36:27.000 The one where he goes to Africa?
00:36:28.000 I just watched that recently.
00:36:29.000 It wasn't Ace Ventura.
00:36:30.000 What was the one where Sean...
00:36:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:36:33.000 Yeah.
00:36:34.000 Was it Ace Ventura?
00:36:34.000 It was?
00:36:35.000 That was.
00:36:35.000 Right, where it turns out she was a guy.
00:36:37.000 Finkel is Einhorn.
00:36:38.000 Einhorn is Finkel.
00:36:38.000 Oh, no, that's part one, right?
00:36:40.000 That is, right.
00:36:40.000 That is part one.
00:36:42.000 All right.
00:36:42.000 Yeah.
00:36:43.000 There's so many old movies, man.
00:36:45.000 I watched Tommy Boy the other day.
00:36:46.000 There's so many movies that have scenes that you couldn't do now. 0.93
00:36:50.000 Fucking 30 Rock is all things you couldn't do now. 0.99
00:36:54.000 Yeah, no shit. 1.00
00:36:55.000 What happened? 0.99
00:36:57.000 You can't do them on the network. 0.98
00:36:59.000 This is part of the reason for the mad grab for outrage things is stuff like this or anything, YouTube or all that shit, is eating up their lunch. 0.98
00:37:09.000 And so they went all in selling to the fucking whatever the idea of a millennial on Twitter was. 0.99
00:37:16.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:37:16.000 That's what people were pandering to. 0.99
00:37:17.000 And they called it on South Park, dude.
00:37:19.000 Remember the episode of, what's his name, PC Principle, where they introduced PC Principle?
00:37:25.000 So there's a scene when there's two farmers like, well, PC's back.
00:37:28.000 How long do you think it's going to be this time?
00:37:30.000 He goes, six years. 0.99
00:37:31.000 And I'll be goddamned, it was back in 2015, and now this shit's petering out. 0.99
00:37:36.000 It's about six years. 0.99
00:37:37.000 Yeah, people get mad, and then it's like a jackrabbit thing.
00:37:41.000 There's populations of jackrabbits that go up and down every seven years.
00:37:45.000 It's very Ebola-esque.
00:37:49.000 It is.
00:37:50.000 Oh, that's right.
00:37:50.000 I think ideas can very well be like diseases.
00:37:53.000 And that, you know, they come and go.
00:37:56.000 And, like, big ones stick, you know?
00:37:58.000 Whether it's a religion or...
00:38:01.000 The ones that have...
00:38:02.000 Like, this is what I think is going to be in Ebola, ultimately, the...
00:38:06.000 The social justice thing is to burn itself out too much.
00:38:09.000 Well, too many people inside of it got attacked and felt what it was like to be misrepresented.
00:38:14.000 Yeah, and there's no fallback.
00:38:16.000 It's also not nice.
00:38:19.000 You're supposed to be the good person, right?
00:38:21.000 If you're a social justice warrior, one of the first things they think is that they're doing a good thing.
00:38:27.000 And that they have an intelligent philosophy, right? 0.99
00:38:32.000 It's not an idiot's way of looking at the world. 0.99
00:38:34.000 It's an intelligent way of looking at the world. 1.00
00:38:36.000 Right.
00:38:37.000 It's the only way.
00:38:38.000 It's called the truth.
00:38:39.000 Right.
00:38:39.000 Because they get ideologically driven.
00:38:41.000 But I don't think they realize that a big part, if you act that way and you're attacking people, I think you realize a big part of being a person is learning how to be nice to each other.
00:38:52.000 And if you just go out of your way to attack people, you don't ever get those people to change their mind.
00:38:57.000 What you do is you get those people mad at you.
00:38:59.000 You get those people sad.
00:39:01.000 They feel upset.
00:39:02.000 Well, that sounds like human interaction things, and these are internet people.
00:39:05.000 But you can't get them to listen to your opinion and take it seriously if you're disrespectful.
00:39:11.000 That's just a tenet of human beings.
00:39:12.000 Right.
00:39:14.000 Yeah, absolutely. 0.99
00:39:15.000 They're socially fucked up people that are engaging in these online wars. 1.00
00:39:20.000 Right. 0.99
00:39:21.000 And they're doing it for these little adrenaline bursts and these little dopamine hits.
00:39:25.000 I mean, that is why I do anything.
00:39:27.000 But they're addicted.
00:39:29.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:39:29.000 No, it's a weak ass. 1.00
00:39:31.000 But that's how you get like that is not having to look at someone and say anything, you know? 1.00
00:39:35.000 So it's just going to burn out because there's no, you know, like Christianity is a very, that's a corona that's going to be around. 0.96
00:39:44.000 It's been around a long time.
00:39:45.000 Yeah.
00:39:45.000 They got that game locked up.
00:39:47.000 Yeah.
00:39:47.000 They got their own country.
00:39:49.000 Coronavirus, you can get again.
00:39:50.000 If I wanted to become a Jehovah's Witness again, and I was like, you know what, I repent for whatever I did that took me out of this, then you can go in. 0.59
00:40:01.000 So I could become that again.
00:40:03.000 Do you know what I mean?
00:40:04.000 Jamie Kilstein can never be a social justice warrior.
00:40:06.000 You wouldn't let him back in.
00:40:08.000 Well, I saw people attacking him and misrepresenting him when he left.
00:40:11.000 I was like... 0.97
00:40:12.000 People told me he raped someone. 1.00
00:40:13.000 That's the shit that I had. 1.00
00:40:15.000 No one ever accused him of that. 0.99
00:40:17.000 And then even when he did leave, it's not like he attacked them.
00:40:22.000 What he was accused of is so crazy.
00:40:24.000 It's just that Jamie went all in, bashing other people.
00:40:29.000 My feeling is- He was accused of flirting with girls or something like that.
00:40:32.000 It's so much worse.
00:40:33.000 I mean, it's such a long story, but it's so crazy what the actual story is.
00:40:37.000 It's just that he went after people. 1.00
00:40:40.000 And so when you do that, people turn on you like, well, fuck you. 1.00
00:40:43.000 But you can't be like that. 1.00
00:40:44.000 If somebody comes out of a thing, you've got to be cool.
00:40:47.000 Yeah, that's how you would like people to be in real life, right?
00:40:51.000 In real life, I would like everybody to be real reasonable when they talk to each other and hang out with each other. 1.00
00:40:56.000 But on Twitter, for some reason, people that think they're reasonable people will say some shit that you would never say to someone in real life, because if you did, you'd be such a fucking asshole. 1.00
00:41:06.000 If you were just looking face to face and you said some of the things that some people would just write to random people on Twitter, you would be a fucking asshole. 1.00
00:41:15.000 But for some reason, it's like this escape clause where you can write it down. 1.00
00:41:20.000 You would think the cruelty would create a callousness to it.
00:41:24.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
00:41:25.000 But it's like people say they're crazy as shit, but then be hypersensitive to anything said. 1.00
00:41:31.000 Right. 1.00
00:41:32.000 Their direction.
00:41:32.000 Right, right.
00:41:33.000 That's a good point.
00:41:34.000 It's like we're like both punch each other and that's what we do.
00:41:36.000 It's not like that big a deal.
00:41:37.000 But they get more raw.
00:41:39.000 It's really like an unsatisfying cult to be in.
00:41:43.000 It's missing a thing.
00:41:45.000 And the big thing, if you want to be right, is you've got to be nice.
00:41:47.000 It's not a nice one.
00:41:49.000 It's not a reasonable one.
00:41:51.000 It's an attacking one.
00:41:53.000 And attacking at a lot of things that are very debatable.
00:41:56.000 And they just want you to state it as fact.
00:41:58.000 I think that's it.
00:41:58.000 There's no debate on this.
00:41:59.000 Yeah, there's a lot of things that are very debatable.
00:42:01.000 When it comes to any controversial issue, they're controversial for a reason.
00:42:07.000 A lot of them, there's debate.
00:42:11.000 There's debate that could be had.
00:42:12.000 Not if you can shut it right down.
00:42:14.000 Yeah.
00:42:15.000 That's what...
00:42:16.000 That's the...
00:42:17.000 Basically, let's say you were like, hey, something about this seems off and I have an issue with it.
00:42:23.000 You wouldn't raise your hand and say that in the...
00:42:26.000 Because in the Bible, you don't want to stumble your brother. 1.00
00:42:29.000 Right.
00:42:29.000 Like, what if your doubt or whatever you had...
00:42:32.000 Like, keep it to yourself.
00:42:33.000 You know, there's a time to discuss it.
00:42:34.000 I don't know when, but...
00:42:36.000 The worst thing could happen is you hurt someone else's faith by you saying the thing.
00:42:40.000 That's obvious.
00:42:41.000 That's in front of your face.
00:42:42.000 So that lets in all kinds of horrible...
00:42:46.000 What if you hear about like molestations or, you know, children's witness is actually the largest settlement in history.
00:42:52.000 Really?
00:42:53.000 For that.
00:42:53.000 Yeah.
00:42:54.000 And it's not because someone in a position of authority did it.
00:42:57.000 It's because they did what all these places do and didn't go to the cops.
00:43:00.000 They're like, we're going to handle it.
00:43:02.000 And that's, by the way, a bunch of church things.
00:43:03.000 Like, if this kind of kid diddling happens, and when it happens, it's really a morality issue of probably the kid.
00:43:11.000 Like, we have to see if they need to be married now. 1.00
00:43:14.000 That's the kind of...
00:43:15.000 Well, it's just old-ass Bronze Age, you know. 0.99
00:43:18.000 How crazy is the Catholic Church? 0.99
00:43:20.000 Is there another country that is like the Vatican? 0.93
00:43:23.000 The Vatican's like a country that's inside of Italy, right?
00:43:26.000 Yeah.
00:43:26.000 Isn't it essentially like a...
00:43:28.000 No, it's a sovereign nation.
00:43:30.000 And is the idea that so that no one can get kicked out?
00:43:33.000 Like they can't get extradited to the rest of the free world for crimes?
00:43:39.000 You know, I don't know.
00:43:39.000 I think it's like medieval...
00:43:40.000 It has to have something like that.
00:43:41.000 I think it goes back a long time.
00:43:43.000 But how weird is that?
00:43:45.000 I mean, how weird is that? 0.99
00:43:46.000 Like, if you've got a kid fucking priest and they're holed up in a church over there, you're supposed to leave them there. 0.98
00:43:51.000 I mean, it's probably the best place for them, right? 0.99
00:43:53.000 It's not a heavy kid population.
00:43:55.000 It's just a bunch of other...
00:43:58.000 All religions, by the way, have roughly as much as the Catholic Church. 0.75
00:44:02.000 Pedophiles? 0.80
00:44:02.000 Yes. 0.80
00:44:03.000 Really?
00:44:04.000 All of them.
00:44:05.000 Some more so.
00:44:06.000 It's just, you know, they actually kind of handled it more, and they didn't do a great job.
00:44:11.000 No.
00:44:11.000 But their reckoning came that it hasn't really come for a bunch of others on such a large...
00:44:16.000 But you don't hear about that with, like, Baptists or Lutherans?
00:44:19.000 Of course you do.
00:44:20.000 Really?
00:44:21.000 You should talk to...
00:44:23.000 My friend Brooke was in Quiverful.
00:44:26.000 What's a quiver full?
00:44:27.000 Remember the show, 19 and Counting?
00:44:29.000 No, I don't.
00:44:30.000 With the Duggar family?
00:44:31.000 Oh, that's right, yeah.
00:44:33.000 And it's like your quiver is supposed to be full.
00:44:37.000 Your quiver.
00:44:38.000 Yeah, you're just supposed to always be having kids. 1.00
00:44:40.000 There's a good analogy there, because if you're one of those assholes that has a 20-arrow quiver, that's a lot of weight to carry around. 1.00
00:44:46.000 I could fit 20 arrows in my wife's pussy now. 1.00
00:44:48.000 Well, it's like there's a quiver analogy, believe it or not, for archery and particularly for bow hunting. 1.00
00:44:53.000 Yeah, that probably goes back a long way.
00:44:55.000 You don't want to take too many arrows.
00:44:57.000 Like one of the best bow hunters I know, my friend John Dudley, he only takes four arrows.
00:45:02.000 That's it.
00:45:02.000 He only has four because it weighs your bow down.
00:45:04.000 He doesn't want a bunch of weight over here on the side of his bow.
00:45:07.000 So the analogy is to not have too many kids.
00:45:10.000 Yeah, if you have 19. Theirs is like, have 19 arrows.
00:45:13.000 I know, but it's a bad analogy.
00:45:15.000 But the idea, like, oh, I'm going to have 100 arrows.
00:45:19.000 Okay. 1.00
00:45:19.000 But you've got to carry those around, stupid. 1.00
00:45:21.000 Do you know who founded it? 1.00
00:45:22.000 And by the way, it's not its own religion.
00:45:24.000 It's a thing that if you're just like, you could be a Methodist and you're in that movement.
00:45:30.000 Do you know what I mean?
00:45:30.000 I think.
00:45:32.000 The founders are some dude who's still there and this chick who, a former feminist.
00:45:39.000 Yeah.
00:45:39.000 Who changed to this, like she went the other extreme.
00:45:43.000 That happens too sometimes.
00:45:45.000 People flip flop the other way.
00:45:47.000 If you thought you didn't like the hyper left kids, wait until they become Republicans how much you're not going to like them.
00:45:53.000 Oh, their kids are going to become Republicans for sure.
00:45:56.000 There's a lot of them are going to flip.
00:45:58.000 A lot of them are going to get older.
00:46:00.000 We were talking yesterday on the podcast, I did with Owen Smith, we were talking about farmers, how most farmers, a lot of them are Christian, and a lot of them are right wing.
00:46:11.000 Why is that?
00:46:11.000 A lot of them are right wing.
00:46:12.000 I was saying because they're no nonsense people. 1.00
00:46:15.000 Because they get up at 6 o'clock in the fucking morning every day, and they feed the chickens and milk the cows, and they have to do it every goddamn day. 1.00
00:46:23.000 They don't want to hear your bullshit. 1.00
00:46:24.000 They have no time for lazy people. 1.00
00:46:27.000 They think everybody's trying to make a fast buck.
00:46:29.000 And they're out there hustling every day.
00:46:32.000 Yeah, no, no. 0.95
00:46:33.000 If you've never been around it, people who've never been around it have the most TV, like dipshit Hollywood idea of what- Of a farmer. 0.92
00:46:40.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 0.84
00:46:41.000 Hard work. 0.99
00:46:42.000 Really fucking hard work. 0.99
00:46:43.000 Yeah, real strong. 0.99
00:46:44.000 Remember- Those are different kind of people.
00:46:46.000 You know Harris Stanton?
00:46:47.000 Did you know him?
00:46:48.000 He's a comic?
00:46:49.000 He was in an accident with Tracy.
00:46:52.000 Remember that?
00:46:53.000 When Tracy's tour bus got hit?
00:46:54.000 He was one of them?
00:46:55.000 Yeah, he's a lot.
00:46:56.000 I mean, he's not dead.
00:46:57.000 Oh, you're freaking out.
00:46:59.000 Harris, he's from South Carolina.
00:47:01.000 He used to be a... 0.99
00:47:01.000 He was going to play baseball or something and then hurt his fucking leg and became a comic. 0.99
00:47:05.000 But he fucking... 1.00
00:47:07.000 One of the strongest fucking people ever... 1.00
00:47:09.000 Because he used to do tobacco bales. 1.00
00:47:11.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:47:12.000 It was like southern tobacco farming.
00:47:14.000 So...
00:47:14.000 It's like, what are they, country strong?
00:47:16.000 It's crazy how strong they are.
00:47:17.000 Do you know how crazy that is?
00:47:18.000 That's actually a workout for CrossFit?
00:47:21.000 Yeah.
00:47:21.000 A kettlebell workout.
00:47:22.000 It's called the farmer's walk, or farmer's carry.
00:47:24.000 Did you see that?
00:47:25.000 You take a heavy kettlebell on each hand and you walk with it, so you do work.
00:47:28.000 Why don't you just get a job?
00:47:32.000 Wow, that is really...
00:47:33.000 I would just farm at that point.
00:47:35.000 Well, farmer strength is a real strength.
00:47:39.000 Like wrestlers always talk about farmer strength.
00:47:43.000 It's like an expression.
00:47:45.000 I mean, it sounds so close to retard strength, but... 1.00
00:47:48.000 But I get it.
00:47:49.000 But the idea is you're picking up bales of hay all day.
00:47:52.000 Like, they're doing things all day.
00:47:54.000 And instead of working out, which is like you burn yourself out in an hour.
00:47:58.000 No, that's the most tremendous...
00:47:59.000 They're just working.
00:48:00.000 My friend's dad drove a truck, you know, a tractor trailer.
00:48:04.000 And he had, like, Popeye forms.
00:48:06.000 Oh, yeah.
00:48:06.000 Because the shifter on his thing.
00:48:08.000 Oh, I'm sure.
00:48:09.000 It was fearsomely...
00:48:11.000 It was upsetting how strong his dad was.
00:48:14.000 And I just remember, like, everybody's dad had a job like that.
00:48:18.000 Well, think about some jobs like lumberjack.
00:48:22.000 Like a lumberjack, you immediately think of a giant man.
00:48:26.000 I think of a paper towel giant.
00:48:28.000 Yes.
00:48:29.000 For that job, he was a lumberjack, right?
00:48:32.000 The paper towel guy, was he a giant?
00:48:33.000 The brawny guy's not a giant.
00:48:35.000 Paul Bunyan is not the brawny guy.
00:48:37.000 Is the brawny guy a ripoff of the Paul Bunyan character?
00:48:40.000 Paul Bunyan's like the fairy tale or whatever.
00:48:42.000 But are we imagining the brawny guy incorrectly?
00:48:45.000 I have a feeling he's just a regular sized guy.
00:48:47.000 I think he's just a handsome... 1.00
00:48:48.000 He's the kind of guy men and women want to fuck. 1.00
00:48:50.000 That's right. 1.00
00:48:51.000 He's like a Marlboro Man type character. 0.96
00:48:54.000 He would be the guy that starts the orgy in the LSD camp. 0.70
00:48:58.000 Yeah, it's a regular dude. 0.91
00:48:59.000 Now he looks like Teddy from...
00:49:02.000 It's just a perspective thing.
00:49:04.000 Yeah, see?
00:49:05.000 That's what I'm saying.
00:49:06.000 Yeah, there we go.
00:49:07.000 I don't remember this guy.
00:49:08.000 The other guy with the mustache.
00:49:09.000 The guy with the mustache on the left-hand side?
00:49:11.000 Yeah, he's just a regular-sized guy with some trees behind him.
00:49:14.000 The guy in the top two, is that the same guy or is that different mustache guys?
00:49:19.000 The new guy is...
00:49:21.000 He died of HIV, sadly.
00:49:24.000 That's why we have this new...
00:49:26.000 I don't understand why they got rid of the old brawny guy and made a totally different guy a brawny guy.
00:49:31.000 This brawny guy looks like he lives in Long Island.
00:49:35.000 Yeah, he looks like Adam Carolla.
00:49:38.000 He owns a travel company.
00:49:43.000 He's got one of them second market ticket sales companies.
00:49:48.000 Strength has no gender.
00:49:51.000 What is that?
00:49:52.000 Is that a brawny commercial?
00:49:53.000 Please don't say that's real.
00:49:56.000 Strength has no gender.
00:49:58.000 That's true.
00:50:00.000 I guess...
00:50:02.000 Why are they in the...
00:50:04.000 Wow, it looks really like a lesbian book club of some kind. 1.00
00:50:08.000 There are definitely women that are stronger than some men.
00:50:11.000 So I get it, but...
00:50:13.000 First of all, I don't know why a paper towel would tell me anything.
00:50:17.000 Well, not only that, why is it assuming that I don't think that women are strong? 0.85
00:50:22.000 It's assuming it.
00:50:23.000 Well, it's not at you.
00:50:25.000 It says strength has no gender.
00:50:26.000 Okay, listen to this.
00:50:27.000 It's at women. 0.99
00:50:27.000 It's at women. 0.99
00:50:28.000 Okay, but listen, what if it was us?
00:50:30.000 What if it was a bunch of meathead-looking men standing there and said strength has no gender? 1.00
00:50:34.000 People would be like, hey, fuck you! 1.00
00:50:36.000 Right. 1.00
00:50:37.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:50:38.000 We know you're strong. 1.00
00:50:39.000 Stop.
00:50:40.000 Stop.
00:50:41.000 Women are strong, too. 1.00
00:50:42.000 Like, okay, I didn't say you weren't.
00:50:43.000 I just said strength has no gender, and here's me and my friend.
00:50:47.000 Somebody in marketing, that's like whoever does the marketing, they're like, who are the Don Drapers that go?
00:50:53.000 What do women want? 1.00
00:50:54.000 They're white. 0.99
00:50:55.000 They're angry. 0.94
00:50:56.000 They don't think they're strong.
00:50:57.000 Like, that's the purely the... 0.99
00:51:00.000 It's like the dumb dad on the sitcom thing. 0.95
00:51:02.000 That's just like a thing that's been going on for... 1.00
00:51:04.000 I don't know, forever that image, that insulting fucking... 0.99
00:51:07.000 Yeah, they're teaching you about life while they're selling you paper towels. 0.99
00:51:11.000 Because every woman is an engineer. 1.00
00:51:15.000 Go back to that picture.
00:51:16.000 I would feel so sold out if I was a guy, and I was really into brawny, because I kind of look like the brawny guy, and then I go to buy my brawny towels, and there's three chicks! 1.00
00:51:26.000 They stole their position!
00:51:29.000 If you felt like the brawny guy...
00:51:31.000 But literally, it's like pregnant men. 1.00
00:51:33.000 Okay, the brawny guy is a goddamn lumberjack. 0.99
00:51:36.000 I would assume most lumberjacks are probably big, strong men. 1.00
00:51:42.000 You don't think he became a gay kind of icon?
00:51:44.000 I mean, I understand what you're saying.
00:51:46.000 But the idea that they have three female lumberjacks. 0.69
00:51:48.000 Three! 1.00
00:51:49.000 Well, you gotta do the job of one man.
00:51:52.000 That was a lob.
00:51:54.000 A lob for the Grand Slam.
00:51:55.000 He has to jack the lumber of one full man. 0.97
00:51:59.000 This is going to take three of these strong ladies. 1.00
00:52:01.000 It's just, what are the percentages of women that are lumberjacks and what's the likelihood of three of them being on a team? 1.00
00:52:07.000 In that picture, he looks like a guy who's about to take a shit a lot. 1.00
00:52:11.000 And by the way, this is an ignorant question. 1.00
00:52:12.000 I'm aware. 0.97
00:52:13.000 If you're a female lumberjack and you're mad at me right now, I'm sorry.
00:52:16.000 I don't know anybody that's a female lumberjack. 1.00
00:52:18.000 I'm just asking questions.
00:52:20.000 I mean, they're wearing lumberjack clothes.
00:52:23.000 That's what a lumberjack wears.
00:52:25.000 Are you posing?
00:52:26.000 Is this stolen valor?
00:52:29.000 Is this stolen valor?
00:52:32.000 Are you pretending you're out there carrying trees?
00:52:35.000 You wearing a lumberjack shirt is stolen valor.
00:52:37.000 It's stolen valor.
00:52:38.000 These aren't lumberjacks.
00:52:39.000 These are models.
00:52:40.000 These are hot chicks. 1.00
00:52:41.000 With nice nails. 1.00
00:52:42.000 They're not out there carrying trees and shit. 0.98
00:52:45.000 You know, they could, by the way, I'll tell you what, the women that do do that job, I promise they're not going to put on the paper towels. 1.00
00:52:53.000 They're going to look like you! 1.00
00:52:56.000 Just fucking put a wig on the guy. 1.00
00:52:58.000 Look at that one lady with her sleeves rolled up. 1.00
00:53:00.000 Are you about to go to work?
00:53:01.000 Look at her.
00:53:02.000 Go to that picture.
00:53:03.000 Click on that.
00:53:04.000 She's got this really thin body, these really thin arms, and she's got her sleeves rolled up with her flannel shirt on in front of a bunch of trees. 0.69
00:53:11.000 Are you about to chop trees down, ma'am? 0.99
00:53:13.000 Because you weigh 90 pounds, you better get the fuck out of the way of those trees. 0.98
00:53:17.000 I think the idea is to make you feel like a lumberjack while you're wiping your counter down, is what they're trying to convey. 0.99
00:53:23.000 I think we need to be more respectful about what the fuck it means to be a lumberjack. 0.99
00:53:27.000 You would think that that would be romantic until you did that job eight hours a day, five days a week, and your fucking body's broken down because you're carrying logs on your shoulder and shit, and you're chopping at trees. 0.99
00:53:39.000 Oh my god. 1.00
00:53:40.000 Was your father a lumberjack?
00:53:41.000 No!
00:53:42.000 This is what I feel. 1.00
00:53:43.000 You can't pretend you're a goddamn lumberjack. 0.99
00:53:46.000 You can't take a hot model and cover her face with a little bit of coal powder and pretend she's a coal miner in West Virginia getting black lung. 1.00
00:53:54.000 You can't.
00:53:55.000 Because she's not.
00:53:59.000 That sounds like a great point.
00:54:00.000 Unless I believe you, you're not a lumberjack lady! 0.99
00:54:04.000 And that guy, okay, brawny, what if that was for Similac, and he was breastfeeding? 0.99
00:54:10.000 Dude, that would be fucking hilarious. 0.99
00:54:12.000 Just as likely as that lady being a lumberjack. 1.00
00:54:15.000 Just as likely that the brawny guy is breastfeeding. 0.99
00:54:20.000 Yeah, I think?
00:54:22.000 Yes.
00:54:23.000 Just as likely.
00:54:25.000 Lumberjack is a brutal, physical... 0.89
00:54:28.000 If a woman's doing it, that woman's going to be jacked. 1.00
00:54:31.000 She's going to be strong as fuck. 1.00
00:54:33.000 What's the one that... 0.99
00:54:34.000 Jean shirt.
00:54:34.000 I just left it with that.
00:54:36.000 What's the one that kicked off the whole...
00:54:39.000 Oh, the Gillette one. 0.98
00:54:41.000 The one that kicked off the whole fuck men advertising strategy. 0.97
00:54:46.000 What was that one? 1.00
00:54:47.000 You know, the fucking Gillette. 1.00
00:54:49.000 It was a while ago. 1.00
00:54:51.000 Did I miss it?
00:54:52.000 Did I miss some outrage?
00:54:53.000 Yeah, we talked about it.
00:54:54.000 You must have talked about it.
00:54:55.000 Which one was it?
00:54:56.000 It was about...
00:54:58.000 Is this the best a man can get? 0.77
00:55:01.000 And then they would...
00:55:02.000 And it was like, the Me Too movement.
00:55:05.000 Time's up.
00:55:06.000 The guy's looking in the mirror at himself, and then it cuts...
00:55:10.000 Oh, now I remember it.
00:55:12.000 Now I remember it.
00:55:13.000 Yeah.
00:55:13.000 It was preposterous.
00:55:14.000 I am pretty high, so...
00:55:15.000 No, no, no.
00:55:16.000 I remember it now.
00:55:17.000 I blocked it out like a childhood molestation.
00:55:19.000 Well, then there was like a fake debate.
00:55:23.000 All these people are like, I'm never buying Gillette. 0.99
00:55:25.000 You know, people are tweeting, they're throwing out their fucking Gillette razors. 0.99
00:55:28.000 And somebody told me, it's brilliant because it's to the women who are buying the razors. 0.99
00:55:33.000 But here's the thing.
00:55:34.000 The women that are buying, they're not into that either. 1.00
00:55:37.000 A woman that's buying razors for a man is also not into the fucking Gillette ad. 1.00
00:55:41.000 So whoever is in charge of the marketing, it's their entire like... 0.98
00:55:45.000 What do you think that is?
00:55:46.000 Do you think that's like someone who decides they're going to cash in on a movement and they just say maybe there's an opportunity here to make some money?
00:55:55.000 Oh, dude.
00:55:56.000 Okay, I totally forgot.
00:55:58.000 Do you remember?
00:56:00.000 Look at this. 1.00
00:56:01.000 Men with their fucking sitcoms. 1.00
00:56:03.000 Now, did you see what they just showed? 1.00
00:56:05.000 The guy put his hand on her shoulder. 1.00
00:56:07.000 It was a fucking sitcom where a white guy grabs his black maid's ass and it's all men in the audience going, ha ha ha, what fucking show was that? 1.00
00:56:16.000 The guy would just fucking grab his maid's ass and everyone's like, yay! 1.00
00:56:20.000 Is there a show like that? 1.00
00:56:21.000 Maybe Married with Children?
00:56:23.000 No.
00:56:23.000 Look at that.
00:56:24.000 Even then.
00:56:24.000 Let me see it again.
00:56:25.000 That's so fake.
00:56:28.000 That's such a bizarre dynamic.
00:56:30.000 You're right.
00:56:31.000 You're dead right because it's a recreation of something that didn't really happen.
00:56:34.000 What is that supposed to be an example of?
00:56:37.000 That's not even like a mashup of anything I've ever seen.
00:56:40.000 But it's like they made a fake TV show?
00:56:43.000 Yeah, it's like, here's an example of the type of shows you like.
00:56:46.000 No one was watching that.
00:56:48.000 But that's not even a show, right?
00:56:49.000 That's why it's so weird.
00:56:50.000 So it's like a straw man show. 0.99
00:56:52.000 The whole thing is a fucking straw man. 0.99
00:56:54.000 Right, but I mean, that's a weird way of doing it. 0.99
00:56:57.000 Is that what they were depicting?
00:56:59.000 Were they depicting a fake sitcom?
00:57:00.000 Yeah, fake sitcom.
00:57:01.000 It seemed like it, right?
00:57:02.000 I mean, it seemed like it was...
00:57:04.000 How weird is it that they don't have a real example?
00:57:08.000 How weird is that?
00:57:10.000 Yeah, how weird is that? 0.98
00:57:14.000 Not even a puppet did shit like that on one of the puppet sitcoms from the 90s. 0.97
00:57:18.000 And that's weird too. 0.97
00:57:19.000 That guy put his hand on that girl's shoulder and she had this weird look on her face like, oh my god. 0.56
00:57:24.000 I know, that's the craziest...
00:57:26.000 Like if a woman put her hand... 0.98
00:57:27.000 I thought it was a Joe Biden campaign.
00:57:29.000 If you were working with a woman and she put her hand on your shoulder like that, it would be nothing. 0.99
00:57:35.000 Right?
00:57:35.000 Right.
00:57:36.000 Yeah, well, it's not a good example to put in your ad.
00:57:41.000 Look, in a real situation, like, hey, I felt this weird thing.
00:57:44.000 I'm sure there could be a situation that someone puts their hand on your shoulder and it's weird, right?
00:57:47.000 Oh, yeah.
00:57:48.000 Not automatically.
00:57:49.000 Or that they insulted you and then they put their hand on your shoulder.
00:57:53.000 Why are you putting this... 0.99
00:57:54.000 The whole point that I can't get past is why the fuck is... 0.98
00:57:57.000 Why are you talking about this? 1.00
00:57:58.000 Why aren't you telling me how great your razors are, you fucks? 1.00
00:58:01.000 You should be begging me to buy your fucking razors, you fucking moron. 1.00
00:58:05.000 What are you doing? 1.00
00:58:06.000 Are you teaching people?
00:58:09.000 No, because then you talk about it on a podcast, right?
00:58:12.000 And then they're like, see, you've got engagement. 1.00
00:58:14.000 That doesn't mean people are going to buy this shit. 1.00
00:58:15.000 I'm not going to not buy it. 1.00
00:58:16.000 I just think some marketing person fucked up. 0.95
00:58:19.000 I don't think it's representative of the whole company. 0.99
00:58:21.000 It's some marketing person.
00:58:22.000 They decided they were going to hitch a ride onto the back of this movement.
00:58:29.000 A bunch of things did.
00:58:30.000 Yeah, for sure.
00:58:31.000 A ton of things.
00:58:32.000 Isn't that weird when they do that?
00:58:33.000 It's like, what? 1.00
00:58:34.000 You think I'm so stupid, I'm not going to know what you're doing that you're... 1.00
00:58:38.000 Because statistically you are that student. 1.00
00:58:40.000 They have some kind of research where they're like, yes, you are statistically.
00:58:43.000 It's like the letter from Nigeria to... 0.55
00:58:45.000 Well, it's like they're trying to be creative, right?
00:58:48.000 So they're like creative people that are making up these scenarios.
00:58:51.000 Like the commercials are like a little scenario.
00:58:53.000 Here's where they have a guy.
00:58:54.000 His bush is too hairy.
00:58:56.000 And he's posing for the picture.
00:58:58.000 They're going to send it to space. 0.99
00:59:00.000 But they want him to shave his sack and balls. 0.99
00:59:02.000 That's the guy... 1.00
00:59:04.000 I want to show...
00:59:06.000 This is what I want to show.
00:59:08.000 I want to show the guy going, well, we want to use you, but... 1.00
00:59:13.000 And the guy's like, fuck. 1.00
00:59:15.000 And then you see him in the bathroom holding his ball. 1.00
00:59:17.000 Did you see Joey Diaz's balls were on Twitch? 0.92
00:59:20.000 No. 0.97
00:59:20.000 The comedy store got in trouble and there's like a real violation. 0.97
00:59:24.000 What is it?
00:59:25.000 FTC or FD? What is it?
00:59:28.000 FTA might have violated him. 0.98
00:59:31.000 They do it at Comedy Store, a live fucking quarantine podcast. 1.00
00:59:35.000 How did he get to his balls? 1.00
00:59:37.000 Because he pulls them out. 1.00
00:59:38.000 He's bored. 0.99
00:59:39.000 So Joey Diaz just pulls his balls out and he's holding on to them like he's got two kitten heads in an old lady's pantyhose. 0.99
00:59:46.000 I mean, they're the biggest balls you've ever seen in your life. 1.00
00:59:49.000 Isn't that a violation of Twitch to fully have your balls? 0.99
00:59:52.000 Yeah, they got kicked off of Twitch. 0.99
00:59:53.000 It wasn't good.
00:59:54.000 But you've got to see the video.
00:59:56.000 The video's hilarious.
00:59:58.000 Can you find the video?
00:59:59.000 I have it on my phone.
01:00:00.000 I saved it.
01:00:01.000 Here's how good it was.
01:00:02.000 It was so good, I screen recorded it, because I'm like, this is going to go away.
01:00:07.000 They're going to pull this down, because people are communists, and they don't want to see something amazing.
01:00:11.000 So watch this.
01:00:14.000 So, look, that's a screenshot of someone filming it. 0.99
01:00:18.000 Dude, I thought he had fake balls as a joke. 0.97
01:00:21.000 Those are real. 0.99
01:00:22.000 I've seen them for years.
01:00:23.000 The first time I saw him was in 96. Yeah.
01:00:26.000 He's got a lot of ball skin, dude. 0.98
01:00:30.000 His balls are softballs. 0.99
01:00:31.000 They're softballs stuffed in a flesh-covered pantyhose. 1.00
01:00:37.000 Oh, my God.
01:00:37.000 Bert's got his shirt off.
01:00:39.000 Yeah, it's chaos.
01:00:40.000 It's chaos.
01:00:41.000 Yeah, I'll donate money. 1.00
01:00:45.000 Yeah, God damn. 0.99
01:00:46.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:00:47.000 Because I'm just thinking of the amount of distance of scrotum you need to flop them out that amount. 0.99
01:00:51.000 Those balls are preposterous. 0.99
01:00:54.000 He's obligated to take him out so you understand about... 0.99
01:00:57.000 So you get what he's saying.
01:00:58.000 He's not playing any games. 0.99
01:01:00.000 This is his real balls. 0.98
01:01:01.000 There it is. 0.99
01:01:02.000 This is a screen grab.
01:01:03.000 That's probably...
01:01:04.000 He'd go to jail for that or something.
01:01:06.000 Everybody got assaulted. 0.99
01:01:09.000 Well, I might have not said that until I saw the size of those balls. 0.99
01:01:13.000 Bert's in a trap. 0.99
01:01:15.000 Bert's trapped.
01:01:16.000 Never put his shirt back in?
01:01:17.000 Yeah, he's trapped in and I always have to take my shirt off thing.
01:01:21.000 Same thing happened at Dignitaro.
01:01:26.000 How many ladies... 1.00
01:01:28.000 Oh, that's even darker.
01:01:29.000 I forgot about Tig's...
01:01:31.000 Anyway.
01:01:34.000 Terrible person.
01:01:36.000 I know, I got so high.
01:01:38.000 Imagine...
01:01:39.000 Why can't women do that? 1.00
01:01:40.000 Is there a topless female comic? 1.00
01:01:42.000 Because you don't...
01:01:43.000 When Bird's taking a shirt off, it's not sexual, except if you're into bears.
01:01:49.000 Right, but is there a woman that could do that same kind of thing? 1.00
01:01:52.000 She has to be not attractive. 1.00
01:01:55.000 Hmm, but that's the whole Burt thing to be a guy you don't want to be that hot.
01:01:59.000 Yeah, well Burt's because his body's large I feel like it was braver of him to have his shirt off than anyone ever taking their shirt off. 0.94
01:02:09.000 No because it's part of the fun It's braver I'm saying is it brave because you don't have to applaud him for that You just want to but it accentuates the comedy Whereas a girl's big tits don't really accentuate the comedy like Burt's big belly accentuates the comedy I mean, 0.97
01:02:25.000 it's like you're hanging out at a pool with Bert laughing. 0.69
01:02:27.000 That's what the effect is he creates. 0.99
01:02:29.000 And a girl just pulls her tits out. 1.00
01:02:30.000 It's just weird. 1.00
01:02:31.000 If you're that kind of a fag guy, I mean, yeah. 1.00
01:02:35.000 I guess there better be like a baby on the end of it, I guess. 0.99
01:02:38.000 Well, women could do it. 1.00
01:02:40.000 We would just have to be accustomed to it. 0.99
01:02:42.000 The problem is, like, if a woman just pulls her tits out and starts telling jokes, we're not used to that. 1.00
01:02:46.000 If it was always like that, it would be just like you see on those old documentaries of, like, you know, somewhere in Africa, they don't have bras, and it's not a thing. 0.95
01:02:54.000 It would just be just like that.
01:02:55.000 Exactly.
01:02:56.000 Which is how human beings, all of us, used to be.
01:02:58.000 The whole planet, before anybody figured out how to put clothes on. 0.97
01:03:01.000 Look, if Joey Diaz's balls were out all the time, we all could... 0.58
01:03:05.000 Well, it sort of goes back to what we're saying about the couple that they drew on that little plaque that they shot off into space. 1.00
01:03:12.000 Boy, when the aliens find out about Joey Diaz's balls, they're gonna fucking... 1.00
01:03:16.000 Oh my god. 1.00
01:03:18.000 His dick and his balls. 1.00
01:03:19.000 That should have been sent to space. 1.00
01:03:22.000 That really should be sent to space to represent us.
01:03:27.000 What?
01:03:29.000 Did he show his hog?
01:03:30.000 No, it wasn't Joey.
01:03:31.000 Who else?
01:03:33.000 Earlier in the stream.
01:03:34.000 Earlier?
01:03:35.000 Yeah.
01:03:35.000 What happened?
01:03:36.000 Wait, there was a different guy's ball?
01:03:38.000 Is that Bobby Lee? 1.00
01:03:39.000 Bobby Lee showed his ass. 1.00
01:03:42.000 Outrageous. 1.00
01:03:43.000 Oh, so there's like a context for it. 1.00
01:03:46.000 He showed his whole asshole? 1.00
01:03:47.000 I mean, kind of. 1.00
01:03:47.000 You know, Bobby Lee's another get-naked guy. 1.00
01:03:50.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
01:03:50.000 He'll get naked. 0.99
01:03:51.000 I've seen Ari Shafir's balls and dick multiple times as well. 1.00
01:03:55.000 He'll pull everything out. 1.00
01:03:56.000 No, yeah.
01:03:57.000 Didn't Ari do something for Skankfest where he was on stage naked? 0.99
01:04:01.000 You know, Ari's trying to become a shirt-off guy. 1.00
01:04:03.000 He could.
01:04:04.000 He's always...
01:04:05.000 Well, he'll do it if he wants to, whether he can or not.
01:04:08.000 He does shirt-off walks, takes pictures of himself.
01:04:11.000 All the time.
01:04:11.000 Suns out, guns out, New York City.
01:04:14.000 Yeah, he walks around here with like...
01:04:16.000 I've never seen a guy take to New York better than Ari Shaffir. 0.99
01:04:19.000 Like a duck to water.
01:04:20.000 Just right in his little pond.
01:04:24.000 He's like, ah, found my spot. 1.00
01:04:25.000 Shit. 1.00
01:04:26.000 His many trips across Asia probably helped him prepare. 1.00
01:04:30.000 He loves New York.
01:04:32.000 Yeah, I'm sick of it, too.
01:04:33.000 I mean, I liked it for a long time, but I got very...
01:04:37.000 It's a different way of living, man.
01:04:39.000 I can't just have...
01:04:40.000 I don't want another winter that goes to April that I have to...
01:04:42.000 I can't do it.
01:04:44.000 I wonder how much of that has an impact, like, who gets the most colds and flus?
01:04:52.000 Is it people that live in the cold in the East Coast, or are they more accustomed to it so they get less of them, or is it people on the West Coast?
01:04:59.000 It's how tightly packed in you are to other people that are going to have, you know...
01:05:04.000 Right, that's probably why New York hits so hard. 0.99
01:05:06.000 It probably helps your immune system at a certain point, being in New York, because you're just bombarded with fucking... 0.91
01:05:11.000 That makes sense, that it would help your immune system, except for something you don't have an immunity to, like this coronavirus, which is why it was so bad in New York, right? 0.94
01:05:19.000 Because your immune system is probably accustomed to all those other things.
01:05:21.000 I believe you, I just have no...
01:05:23.000 I don't even know enough to know if that's... 0.99
01:05:26.000 Or it's when you take your balls out. 1.00
01:05:28.000 I don't fucking know. 1.00
01:05:28.000 I want to know at the end of the day what happened. 1.00
01:05:32.000 Everybody wants to draw a conclusion long before. 0.91
01:05:36.000 It would be awesome if they tested Joey Diaz's balls for Corona when they were testing. 0.95
01:05:40.000 He's patient zero. 0.99
01:05:42.000 You've got to squeeze him out like that so there's a drop of blood. 1.00
01:05:48.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
01:05:49.000 So, how long from Bobby taking his ass out? 1.00
01:05:53.000 That's a good question. 1.00
01:05:54.000 Which is more offensive, Bobby's asshole or Joey Diaz's balls? 1.00
01:05:58.000 It's hard. 1.00
01:05:59.000 I don't know if there's a...
01:06:00.000 Tough call.
01:06:01.000 Both equally are.
01:06:02.000 Well, one is way more impressive. 1.00
01:06:04.000 Bobby Lee's asshole is a regular-sized asshole. 1.00
01:06:06.000 Bobby Lee, same as... 1.00
01:06:10.000 Joey Diaz's balls are a thing of nature. 0.99
01:06:13.000 Like, wow. 0.99
01:06:14.000 You know, it's like when you see a bird, like a toucan that has a crazy beak. 1.00
01:06:18.000 Like, look at his fucking beak. 1.00
01:06:19.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:06:20.000 It is exactly like that. 0.99
01:06:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:06:22.000 Like an exotic bird.
01:06:23.000 Yeah, you see other birds, they have normal beaks.
01:06:26.000 Like, even an eagle, it's a normal beak.
01:06:28.000 Right? 1.00
01:06:29.000 But then you see like a fucking snake. 1.00
01:06:30.000 If it talked, it would be like, oh, he's one of those set of balls that talks. 1.00
01:06:33.000 Yeah, like a shoebill. 0.98
01:06:35.000 Yeah.
01:06:35.000 Like one of them big shoebills from Africa?
01:06:38.000 Have you ever seen one of those motherfuckers? 1.00
01:06:40.000 They call me the shoebill because I got huge balls. 1.00
01:06:42.000 My favorite ridiculous bird. 0.99
01:06:44.000 Oh, toucan's got a crazy one. 0.99
01:06:45.000 He's got a super bright one. 1.00
01:06:47.000 Tell me that doesn't get him some pussy. 1.00
01:06:49.000 It has to. 1.00
01:06:49.000 I don't know. 1.00
01:06:50.000 Look at that picture.
01:06:51.000 That's beautiful. 0.98
01:06:53.000 Goddamn, that's pretty. 0.98
01:06:55.000 I mean, come on. 0.91
01:06:56.000 How psychedelic is that bird? 1.00
01:06:57.000 Shit, I want to fuck that bird. 1.00
01:06:58.000 That bird is beautiful. 1.00
01:07:00.000 It really does look fruit flavored.
01:07:01.000 I thought the cereal was making that up. 0.98
01:07:03.000 Okay, if that wasn't real, if that wasn't a real thing, and someone drew that, we go, what is this, the new fucking Avatar monster? 0.97
01:07:11.000 What is that? 0.95
01:07:12.000 It does look like an Avatar monster.
01:07:14.000 It looks freakier than an Avatar monster. 1.00
01:07:16.000 Look how long that fucking beak is. 0.99
01:07:18.000 Do you think dinosaurs are like, that's probably all the dinosaurs with that kind of crazy punch? 1.00
01:07:22.000 100%.
01:07:23.000 I'm, by the way, 100% not capable of saying 100%.
01:07:27.000 I don't know what I'm talking about, but I think it's been confirmed that birds are like leftover dinosaurs, right?
01:07:35.000 What are those?
01:07:36.000 Look at that thing! 0.99
01:07:37.000 You know, they're like big doodos that are now terror birds?
01:07:42.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:07:43.000 We've talked about them a ton of times.
01:07:44.000 Too much, almost. 1.00
01:07:46.000 Can you imagine getting killed by something that's stupid looking? 1.00
01:07:48.000 They're like nine feet tall, dude. 1.00
01:07:50.000 The shoe bill is the one I was talking about earlier. 1.00
01:07:51.000 Look at that motherfucker. 1.00
01:07:52.000 That's alive today. 1.00
01:07:53.000 It's a kind of duck.
01:07:54.000 It's huge!
01:07:55.000 It's like five feet tall, and they're so evil-eyed. 0.98
01:07:59.000 I feel like Joey's balls look friendlier than that bird. 0.97
01:08:02.000 Look at that. 0.99
01:08:02.000 Imagine that thing, standing up, like, looking at you in the eye, moving towards you, thinking about eating you. 0.99
01:08:09.000 Yeah, I don't like the...
01:08:10.000 Around the eyes, I see.
01:08:11.000 He looks like Ray Liotta.
01:08:13.000 I don't like it.
01:08:15.000 Like the Ray Liotta that was here in the helicopters overhead. 1.00
01:08:18.000 Look at that eyes in that motherfucker. 1.00
01:08:21.000 Karen! 1.00
01:08:22.000 Karen, I needed that!
01:08:25.000 Karen, why? 1.00
01:08:28.000 Look at the fucking eyeball. 1.00
01:08:30.000 Look at the eyeball in that thing. 1.00
01:08:32.000 That thing doesn't give a fuck if you live or die. 1.00
01:08:34.000 That is like the sequel poster face. 0.99
01:08:36.000 Jesus Christ.
01:08:39.000 Now imagine that, but imagine it nine feet tall and that was those terror birds.
01:08:44.000 Get a picture.
01:08:45.000 Oh, wait, that's a bird that's alive now?
01:08:46.000 That's a bird that's alive right now!
01:08:48.000 Oh, I thought it was like a CG... No!
01:08:51.000 Dude, that...
01:08:51.000 I thought that was from one of those on Discovery where they make the fake...
01:08:55.000 Oh, right, right, right.
01:08:56.000 Like they reenact...
01:08:58.000 They did it with mermaids for some reason. 0.99
01:08:59.000 No, this is a real bird.
01:09:01.000 It's a real bird that lives...
01:09:04.000 Oh my god, that's real?
01:09:05.000 Yeah, it lives in the Congo.
01:09:07.000 It lives in Africa.
01:09:07.000 His face really does...
01:09:09.000 They're fucking big, man. 1.00
01:09:10.000 It really does look like a Reebok, his fucking head. 1.00
01:09:12.000 It's a monster. 1.00
01:09:14.000 There's a crazy video of one of them eating a snakehead fish.
01:09:19.000 Oh, really?
01:09:20.000 Oh, yeah, they're super carnivorous. 0.99
01:09:21.000 We're snakeheads the ones who are like, who will take all these snakeheads off our hands because there's so many fucking snakeheads? 0.99
01:09:26.000 Well, they're an invasive species over here. 0.99
01:09:28.000 So now we've got to bring in these shoebells. 1.00
01:09:29.000 Look at that fucking thing. 0.99
01:09:30.000 That's the fish. 1.00
01:09:32.000 Yeah.
01:09:32.000 And this thing snatches it up and gobbles it.
01:09:36.000 Oh.
01:09:36.000 And that thing breathes air.
01:09:38.000 And this motherfucker comes in and gets it. 1.00
01:09:39.000 Dude, that's a crazy dinosaur-looking face on that shoehead. 1.00
01:09:42.000 What's it called?
01:09:43.000 A shoehead?
01:09:43.000 Shoebill.
01:09:44.000 Look at him eating that.
01:09:46.000 That's great. 1.00
01:09:46.000 I mean, that is a fucking dinosaur. 1.00
01:09:50.000 That really looks like a fucking dinosaur. 0.99
01:09:52.000 Chewbills are metal is the name of the video, which is hilarious. 0.99
01:09:54.000 Because they are definitely metal.
01:09:56.000 I would think that was like an evil duck.
01:09:58.000 Yeah, you would think that's a fake thing.
01:10:00.000 It's a five foot tall bird.
01:10:02.000 Where do they live?
01:10:03.000 Those are in Africa. 0.93
01:10:05.000 Where?
01:10:05.000 Oh, well the documentary that I saw was they were talking about the Congo.
01:10:09.000 Look at his fucking shoulders and shit. 1.00
01:10:11.000 I don't know what part of Africa they live in. 1.00
01:10:13.000 Oh, in the Congo. 1.00
01:10:13.000 Goddamn, that's crazy. 1.00
01:10:15.000 Yeah, crazy. 1.00
01:10:16.000 Now imagine those fucking terror birds, man. 1.00
01:10:18.000 Dude, the eyes, it looks like a puppet they make, a realistic puppet for one of those discovery, walking with dinosaurs. 1.00
01:10:24.000 Yes. 0.99
01:10:24.000 Look, that looks like a goddamn animatronic. 0.99
01:10:27.000 It's so fake looking! 0.99
01:10:28.000 They should never do CG because puppets look more real.
01:10:32.000 I know.
01:10:33.000 Well, they have a real hard time with feathers and they have a real hard time with fur.
01:10:37.000 It's hard to get fur to look completely realistically.
01:10:40.000 I saw that new movie with Harrison Ford and the dog.
01:10:43.000 Is that a fake dog?
01:10:45.000 It's a fake dog.
01:10:46.000 It's so weird.
01:10:47.000 It's weird.
01:10:48.000 It's weird because it doesn't get past the uncanny valley.
01:10:50.000 I would never get past...
01:10:51.000 It's him looking and you're like, I know you're not looking at a dog, dude.
01:10:56.000 Call of the Wild, right?
01:10:58.000 Isn't that what it is?
01:10:58.000 Yeah.
01:10:59.000 It's all fake dogs, fake wolves.
01:11:01.000 There's a lot of fake everything.
01:11:02.000 Do you have a dog in real life that you could kind of fake it with?
01:11:04.000 No, man. 1.00
01:11:05.000 You gotta get these dogs to do very specific shit. 0.99
01:11:07.000 It's weird. 0.99
01:11:08.000 It's real close.
01:11:10.000 Real close, but not.
01:11:12.000 That was trying to put a little flourish in there, too.
01:11:15.000 You love this dog, though, man.
01:11:17.000 Okay, remember?
01:11:18.000 That's awful.
01:11:19.000 That looks like The Hobbit, dude.
01:11:20.000 And the dog!
01:11:21.000 Awful.
01:11:22.000 It's like, look right there.
01:11:23.000 There he is.
01:11:24.000 So it's always a little off.
01:11:27.000 Who's the person there?
01:11:28.000 They got like a dwarf to be the... 1.00
01:11:31.000 I mean, they didn't do shit, man. 1.00
01:11:33.000 This is all... 0.99
01:11:34.000 I mean, he's just staring at the ground, I guess.
01:11:36.000 Why would you animate...
01:11:37.000 Like a dog's a Bigfoot or something that we have to simulate.
01:11:41.000 Well, because they've got to get the dog to do very specific things.
01:11:44.000 By the way, Harrison Ford did look a little bit CG'd.
01:11:47.000 He probably was.
01:11:48.000 This is like a low-key flex.
01:11:50.000 The dog's going to save her.
01:11:51.000 They should have made it all animated if they were going to do that.
01:11:54.000 Yeah, right, right, the people too, right?
01:11:57.000 Then it would be kind of cool.
01:11:58.000 You're right, you're right.
01:11:59.000 Yeah, then it'd be like the Polar Express or something.
01:12:01.000 Yes, which is so creepy.
01:12:02.000 Yeah.
01:12:03.000 Like in the future, that is going to be a horror movie.
01:12:05.000 This is almost like Roger Rabbit if it wasn't funny.
01:12:08.000 The man acting with the animated animal.
01:12:12.000 Yeah.
01:12:12.000 The Call of the Wild.
01:12:14.000 Oh, so this is called The Call? 1.00
01:12:15.000 Fuck you. 1.00
01:12:16.000 I've never read the book, The Call of the Wild. 1.00
01:12:18.000 I did when I was a kid.
01:12:19.000 But this is very different than the book.
01:12:21.000 They took a lot of liberties, and there's a lot of things they changed.
01:12:26.000 Is it Disney? 0.96
01:12:28.000 I don't know who fucking made it, but it was really good. 0.98
01:12:31.000 20th century. 0.98
01:12:32.000 So, yes.
01:12:33.000 It was actually really good.
01:12:34.000 It was a good movie?
01:12:35.000 Yeah, it's a good movie.
01:12:36.000 Oh.
01:12:37.000 But in terms of like a family movie.
01:12:39.000 Oh, right.
01:12:40.000 See, I watch movies with my kids.
01:12:42.000 Right.
01:12:42.000 So there's a lot of movies that I watch that probably wouldn't...
01:12:44.000 I know.
01:12:44.000 I'll never see that because I don't have kids.
01:12:46.000 We've taken some chances on some movies that were, you know...
01:12:50.000 What turned out to be a mistake?
01:12:52.000 Well, not that it was bad, but that watching it with a nine-year-old, Jojo Rabbit, Oh, yeah, it's more serious.
01:12:59.000 This is about kids getting killed by Nazis.
01:13:01.000 Like, hey, maybe not right now.
01:13:05.000 So then we switched to Adam Sandler.
01:13:08.000 Also, we tried to watch the first season of Lost, but we put on the first episode of the first season, and when the guy gets sucked into the airplane engine...
01:13:20.000 They show that?
01:13:21.000 Yeah, my nine-year-old's like, cut! 1.00
01:13:24.000 Fuck this. 1.00
01:13:25.000 Stop this. 1.00
01:13:26.000 I'm not watching people get sucked into engines after a plane crash. 1.00
01:13:29.000 The fuck is wrong with you? 1.00
01:13:30.000 I'm nine. 1.00
01:13:31.000 She's right.
01:13:32.000 You're like, she's right.
01:13:32.000 The kid's right.
01:13:33.000 I haven't had to consider...
01:13:37.000 Because I'm a kid, so if I see my nieces...
01:13:40.000 You know what's a good safe bet?
01:13:41.000 It's Adam Sandler movies.
01:13:44.000 But, some of them are like, there's some really inappropriate scenes.
01:13:47.000 Yeah, which are the, like, the newer ones, or which are the ones that are like...
01:13:50.000 The best is Zohan.
01:13:52.000 Zohan's one of the funniest movies ever.
01:13:54.000 Oh yeah, I like the Zohan. 0.97
01:13:54.000 It is a fucking funny movie. 0.97
01:13:56.000 It is so funny. 0.99
01:13:58.000 Yeah, I like that movie.
01:13:59.000 It's like, the end, it was like... 0.73
01:14:01.000 Ridiculous. 0.69
01:14:02.000 Yeah, the singing thing. 0.98
01:14:03.000 Yeah, it was kind of preposterous.
01:14:05.000 But it was fun enough that I was like, you got me.
01:14:07.000 I'm going with you the whole ride.
01:14:08.000 You know?
01:14:09.000 I mean, it's just...
01:14:10.000 What else is a...
01:14:11.000 It's a funny movie, man.
01:14:13.000 Like an unapologetically, ridiculously funny movie. 0.99
01:14:16.000 Oh, his fucking Netflix. 0.99
01:14:18.000 Happy Gilmore. 1.00
01:14:18.000 Did you see his Netflix? 1.00
01:14:20.000 I didn't see it, no.
01:14:21.000 I heard it was very good.
01:14:22.000 Really good, dude.
01:14:22.000 Yeah, I heard it was very good.
01:14:23.000 Dana White loved it.
01:14:24.000 He's awesome, man.
01:14:25.000 I know him.
01:14:26.000 He's a great guy.
01:14:27.000 I've met him a few times.
01:14:28.000 He's a very, very, very nice guy.
01:14:30.000 But his movies are so unapologetically funny. 0.97
01:14:34.000 Like, just goes for all the ridiculous jokes. 0.95
01:14:37.000 Yeah, well, you get a... 1.00
01:14:40.000 Zohan is all of its dick jokes and sex jokes. 0.99
01:14:45.000 He got that blowback because on a talk show he said, I was just going on vacation with the last couple or something, right? 1.00
01:14:53.000 Oh, I wasn't paying attention.
01:14:54.000 He got blowback?
01:14:55.000 Yeah, because he said, the ones that aren't that good... 0.99
01:14:59.000 Like the ones that are good, I remember they're like, you know, like I remember Simpsons lines or what, you know, like fucking Billy Madison and all that shit. 0.91
01:15:06.000 He's got a bunch of people to remember. 0.95
01:15:08.000 Happy Gilmore.
01:15:09.000 Happy Gilmore is a classic.
01:15:11.000 That's Happy Gilmore.
01:15:12.000 But the ones that, I don't know if they didn't do well, like they're with, what's her name?
01:15:18.000 From E.T. Drew Banger?
01:15:20.000 Yeah, I think it's like those ones, but he said something like, the last few movies I've just gone on vacation.
01:15:26.000 Oh, he said that?
01:15:27.000 I think he probably didn't mean it like...
01:15:30.000 I don't think he meant he was phoning in.
01:15:33.000 Adam Sandler confirms that his movies are just paid vacations.
01:15:37.000 Also, he could just be being humble.
01:15:40.000 He could be just being funny.
01:15:42.000 And funny.
01:15:43.000 You know, because I've done that since 50 First Dates, Sandler explained.
01:15:50.000 It was written in another place.
01:15:51.000 I said, imagine if we did it in Hawaii, how great would that be?
01:15:55.000 And they said, yeah, that's a very artistic idea.
01:15:57.000 I've been doing that ever since.
01:15:59.000 So he's just saying he does his movies and vacations at the same time.
01:16:03.000 That's pretty wise.
01:16:05.000 Yeah, well, it sounds like it got made into a thing by an article.
01:16:08.000 You know what they are, dude?
01:16:09.000 They're like...
01:16:11.000 They're just funny, right?
01:16:13.000 He just tries to do the funniest thing. 0.99
01:16:15.000 And for whatever reason, some people have decided that that's dumb.
01:16:19.000 Because there's some movies that don't do that. 0.77
01:16:21.000 There's like Coen Brothers movies where more sophisticated humor that still gets you just as hard.
01:16:26.000 I like all his Coen Brothers movies, but I never thought of them as like...
01:16:32.000 Big Lebowski?
01:16:34.000 What's the bowling one?
01:16:36.000 Oh, Kingpin!
01:16:37.000 Yeah, that's Farrelly Brothers, right? 0.97
01:16:39.000 Yeah, and that holds up pretty fucking good. 0.99
01:16:41.000 Pretty fucking good. 0.95
01:16:41.000 That's a brilliant movie. 0.95
01:16:43.000 That's a brilliant movie.
01:16:44.000 You know what I saw fairly recently?
01:16:46.000 A friend of mine showed me, Withnail and I. Did you ever hear that?
01:16:49.000 No, what is it?
01:16:50.000 It's from like the 80s, and it's... 0.97
01:16:53.000 Fucking George Harrison from the Beatles like produced it. 0.98
01:16:56.000 It's a comedy fucking hilarious, dude. 0.99
01:16:58.000 Really? 0.93
01:16:59.000 I never I heard of the title but I never seen it and I don't remember in Wayne's World They had that guy who was like a roadie who would tell crazy stories Yes, that character they took from this movie and that's what he's doing.
01:17:10.000 It's the same actor.
01:17:11.000 Whoa, it's that guy's in it and this guy Does that help dude?
01:17:17.000 I had never seen it. 0.98
01:17:18.000 It was fucking hysterical Wow They're like out-of-work actors, and they live in this fucking rat-infested, you know, because they're alcoholics, and they go to the country to get away from their stress. 0.99
01:17:33.000 I don't want to spoil it. 0.99
01:17:34.000 It's really goddamn funny. 0.98
01:17:35.000 There's some great fucking old movies that slip through the cracks. 0.99
01:17:39.000 This one I like. 0.98
01:17:40.000 I like Blazing Saddles.
01:17:42.000 Really?
01:17:43.000 Yeah.
01:17:43.000 You could make that now.
01:17:45.000 I like it like that. 0.98
01:17:48.000 It really is fucking classic. 0.99
01:17:49.000 I heard of it, never watched it, but it's fucking funny. 0.99
01:17:52.000 I'll check it out. 0.96
01:17:53.000 I'll check it out.
01:17:54.000 Yeah, it's...
01:17:55.000 You know who still makes movies the same way?
01:17:58.000 It's Tarantino.
01:17:59.000 He still makes hyper-violent...
01:18:00.000 I liked that new one.
01:18:02.000 I enjoyed it.
01:18:03.000 I enjoyed it a lot.
01:18:04.000 Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
01:18:05.000 But I just have a foot fetish, so that's why I'm into it.
01:18:11.000 Yeah, it was pretty awesome, though.
01:18:12.000 Yeah.
01:18:13.000 Yeah, it was pretty awesome.
01:18:14.000 Did you see a Bruce Lee?
01:18:15.000 Do you believe the Bruce Lee?
01:18:16.000 What do you think that whole Bruce Lee thing is about?
01:18:18.000 Well, I've talked about it almost too much, but in the interest of keeping up this conversation, I don't think he's right. 0.99
01:18:28.000 He depicted Bruce Lee in a way that made him look like an asshole. 0.99
01:18:33.000 And I think Bruce Lee was very confident, but I don't think there's really any evidence that he was a dipshit. 0.98
01:18:38.000 And in that movie, they make him out to be kind of a dipshit, and there was a real instance, and this is what I've talked about before, Bruce Lee had relationships with people that were stuntmen in a positive way, and one of them was Gene LaBelle.
01:18:51.000 Gene LaBelle's a famous guy who was a judo champion who taught Bruce Lee a lot of judo moves, and they worked together in several movies, and But Gene LaBelle, if he had an actual fight with Bruce Lee the way Brad Pitt did, 0.90
01:19:07.000 Gene LaBelle would have killed him.
01:19:08.000 I mean, Gene LaBelle was a real, a gigantic man, a gorilla of a man.
01:19:13.000 Right.
01:19:13.000 He was a really strong guy who was also a judo champion.
01:19:15.000 I mean, his grappling's obvious. 0.93
01:19:17.000 It's like he had a gripe, or he just wanted to make Bruce Lee look like a dildo. 0.96
01:19:22.000 Yeah, that's the problem. 0.99
01:19:23.000 So there's Bruce Lee getting his ass kicked by this guy who's just a random tough guy. 0.98
01:19:29.000 And they get in this... 0.96
01:19:30.000 They don't tell you that Brad Pitt...
01:19:33.000 He was so tough he killed his strong wife on his boat.
01:19:36.000 What's that?
01:19:37.000 Remember he maybe killed his wife?
01:19:39.000 Who maybe killed their wife?
01:19:40.000 The Brad Pitt guy that beats up Bruce Lee.
01:19:42.000 Did he really? 0.91
01:19:43.000 In the movie, they suggested he killed her.
01:19:45.000 What was it from?
01:19:46.000 I'm not trying to remember that now.
01:19:49.000 That's why they didn't like him on the set.
01:19:51.000 Remember that Australian lady? 1.00
01:19:54.000 Goddammit, I forgot that plot point. 0.94
01:19:55.000 He was on the boat, and his wife's bitching him out, and he's just holding a spear gun, and then it never resolves.
01:20:01.000 But it was always rumored that he killed his wife, but nobody ever knew for sure.
01:20:04.000 That was like the...
01:20:06.000 So when he fought Bruce Lee...
01:20:08.000 He's like the Carole Baskin.
01:20:09.000 Yeah, he was a Carole Baskin, but with sharks.
01:20:16.000 This is from your mom's house, by the way.
01:20:18.000 People with a shirt.
01:20:20.000 Don't blame me.
01:20:22.000 I mean, she seemed like she did it, but I wouldn't want to weigh into that.
01:20:26.000 Yeah, I don't know if she did it.
01:20:26.000 I want to steer clear of tiger people and all their problems.
01:20:29.000 Good point.
01:20:31.000 Man, don't buy a Porsche. 1.00
01:20:33.000 If you want to get laid, get a fucking tiger. 1.00
01:20:35.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:20:37.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99
01:20:38.000 They all start like a little sex cult around themselves. 0.93
01:20:42.000 Yeah, like why is that, do you think?
01:20:44.000 Do you think because they're dealing with...
01:20:46.000 Because tigers, they're feeling... 0.81
01:20:47.000 I mean, I like shooting guns.
01:20:49.000 That's like a...
01:20:50.000 It's fun.
01:20:51.000 Like, walking a tiger must feel like whatever that is, like times a million. 0.99
01:20:56.000 That'd be like if you just hung out with a fucking shoebill that followed your commands. 0.99
01:21:02.000 Yeah, could you imagine? 1.00
01:21:02.000 You'd get an ego quick. 1.00
01:21:04.000 If you were dealing with giant cats all day, how freaked out you'd be?
01:21:10.000 Well, they're getting off on that this cat's not killing them when it easily could.
01:21:14.000 They're all getting off on that.
01:21:16.000 It's exciting to pee.
01:21:17.000 And plus, a lot of people just love animals, so you get to mix really primal feelings together.
01:21:23.000 Yeah.
01:21:24.000 That's why that lady got her arm bit off, but she's like, don't blame the tigers. 1.00
01:21:27.000 And she shouldn't. 0.99
01:21:28.000 It's her goddamn fault. 1.00
01:21:30.000 Then she went back to work there. 1.00
01:21:32.000 Yeah.
01:21:34.000 Once they have a taste...
01:21:35.000 It's he now.
01:21:38.000 That was a big part of the movie.
01:21:39.000 After the accident?
01:21:41.000 No.
01:21:42.000 She's transgender.
01:21:43.000 She's a he now. 1.00
01:21:44.000 Oh, really?
01:21:45.000 Yeah, that was a big part of the controversy that they had misgendered her.
01:21:48.000 They misgendered her in the television show. 1.00
01:21:50.000 Oh my god, I thought I had done a shit. 1.00
01:21:51.000 No, no, no. 1.00
01:21:53.000 But you did because you said she. 1.00
01:21:54.000 You fucked up, bro. 1.00
01:21:57.000 Hey, I'm as mad about this documentary as everyone else. 1.00
01:22:00.000 That was the information I had to work with. 1.00
01:22:03.000 Bro, that's a dark moment when a tiger takes your fucking hand. 1.00
01:22:06.000 And you see it. 1.00
01:22:07.000 But, okay, you know when they talk about, like, if a bear gets a taste for human, it's bad?
01:22:12.000 Like, if a tiger got taste for specifically my arm, like, I don't want to work with that tiger.
01:22:19.000 Oh, my God.
01:22:20.000 You know?
01:22:20.000 There's moments in that show, one of them, where the tiger's dragging him away by his foot.
01:22:25.000 Remember that?
01:22:26.000 Oh, yeah.
01:22:27.000 And he shoots the gun. 1.00
01:22:28.000 It's like, son of a fucking bitch! 1.00
01:22:29.000 You fucking bitch! 1.00
01:22:31.000 Remember? 1.00
01:22:31.000 The tiger lets go, but he's literally holding onto his foot and dragging him away. 1.00
01:22:38.000 Wow.
01:22:39.000 I didn't see that part.
01:22:40.000 Oh my god, dude.
01:22:42.000 In Tiger King?
01:22:43.000 I missed that one.
01:22:44.000 I haven't seen all of them.
01:22:45.000 I've seen most of it.
01:22:46.000 The thing grabbed his feet and was pulling him away.
01:22:49.000 But why?
01:22:49.000 And he...
01:22:50.000 They don't know.
01:22:51.000 Because it's being a tiger?
01:22:52.000 No, I mean...
01:22:53.000 I'm sorry.
01:22:54.000 What was the situation?
01:22:55.000 He was inside the cage with the tigers and everything was cool.
01:22:57.000 But then one of them grabs him by the foot.
01:23:00.000 It's checking out his feet.
01:23:01.000 Won't leave him alone.
01:23:02.000 And then grabs him by the foot and drags him away.
01:23:05.000 Do you mean the way he was?
01:23:07.000 So he's hitting at it with a stick, and then he pulls out a gun, and when he pulls out his gun, he shoots near it, and it lets go.
01:23:19.000 Oh, it's a loud noise.
01:23:20.000 Yeah, it's a loud noise, so it lets go. 1.00
01:23:23.000 But he starts screaming at him, fuck a bitch. 1.00
01:23:25.000 So he thinks that in the show, he said he thinks that someone put something on his shoes. 1.00
01:23:31.000 Oh.
01:23:32.000 Sardine oil.
01:23:33.000 Yeah, well, that was what the lady had said. 0.57
01:23:35.000 Like, to get a cat to eat Carol Baskin.
01:23:38.000 By the way, I don't know if she did.
01:23:40.000 This is just your mom's house.
01:23:41.000 They told me to wear it.
01:23:42.000 They forced me.
01:23:43.000 Do they have a little, in our opinion, Carol?
01:23:46.000 They should.
01:23:47.000 We put that on there.
01:23:48.000 I know, right?
01:23:52.000 Anyway, he almost had to shoot the cat.
01:23:54.000 He was pulling him away by his feet.
01:23:57.000 For some reason.
01:23:58.000 Just decided to pull his shoes off.
01:24:00.000 Maybe have some nice Jordans or something.
01:24:03.000 What size do you wear?
01:24:05.000 You know, I think it probably feels like if it smelled...
01:24:08.000 I would just imagine leather to a cat.
01:24:12.000 Unless it's really tan.
01:24:13.000 Smells like delicious beef jerky?
01:24:14.000 It smells like some kind of meat product.
01:24:16.000 Yeah.
01:24:17.000 Wouldn't it?
01:24:18.000 I mean, it's probably fun to bite.
01:24:21.000 I mean, dogs bite chews, but are they just biting it because it's soft and it feels good?
01:24:26.000 Or do they know it's leather?
01:24:29.000 I don't think they know it's leather.
01:24:32.000 That'd be crazy if they knew.
01:24:34.000 Oh, I know where this came from.
01:24:35.000 But I mean, they know it's some sort of an animal product.
01:24:39.000 Maybe.
01:24:40.000 I don't know.
01:24:41.000 I don't know a lot of stuff.
01:24:43.000 Like for a dog, like if you just had raw leather laying around, a dog would be like, why can't I just eat this?
01:24:51.000 I think this is food.
01:24:53.000 They'd walk up to him like...
01:24:54.000 I had two dogs.
01:24:55.000 I don't remember them being any particular way at leather.
01:24:57.000 No, but like shoes are things you wear so your smells on them, but you just have leather laying around.
01:25:03.000 Yeah, that, like if someone you sent out, yeah.
01:25:06.000 But don't people give their dogs leather chew toys, right?
01:25:09.000 I never did, so I don't know.
01:25:11.000 No?
01:25:11.000 Never?
01:25:12.000 No.
01:25:13.000 I think rawhide is leather.
01:25:15.000 It is?
01:25:16.000 Yeah.
01:25:17.000 I thought they were edible.
01:25:19.000 Yeah, they are edible.
01:25:21.000 It's edible leather.
01:25:22.000 Yeah, the leather is edible.
01:25:23.000 Leather is edible.
01:25:25.000 What?
01:25:25.000 Yeah, it's just really, really tough.
01:25:27.000 Like a jacket.
01:25:28.000 If you were starving, you could eat your jacket.
01:25:30.000 People in the Depression actually boiled their shoes and ate their shoes.
01:25:34.000 That was a real thing.
01:25:36.000 People ate shoes.
01:25:37.000 That's how much people were starving to death.
01:25:40.000 That was a real thing.
01:25:41.000 Jesus Christ.
01:25:41.000 Yeah, eating shoe leather was like when people would talk about the lowest point of people being desperate for food.
01:25:50.000 That's when I had to eat my shoes?
01:25:50.000 Jesus Christ.
01:25:51.000 I know, Jesus Christ, right?
01:25:53.000 Oh my God.
01:25:54.000 Yeah, that's real depression.
01:25:56.000 We would have been thankful for Bat Soup back in that day. 1.00
01:25:59.000 You know what Swartzen said to me?
01:26:00.000 What?
01:26:00.000 He said to us.
01:26:01.000 I'm in a group text with him.
01:26:03.000 He said a friend of his is a sheriff, and they said they used to deal with maybe one suicide a week, and now they're dealing with as many as five a day.
01:26:13.000 Where?
01:26:15.000 I probably shouldn't say.
01:26:16.000 In the Hollywood area?
01:26:17.000 No, you probably shouldn't.
01:26:18.000 Yeah.
01:26:19.000 Well, I mean, this is a very...
01:26:22.000 It's crazy.
01:26:23.000 Do you have a podcast or something?
01:26:26.000 People that are used to doing a...
01:26:27.000 Not doing stand-up feels very...
01:26:29.000 Very weird.
01:26:30.000 I'm disoriented with what day it is.
01:26:33.000 I didn't realize how much I was timing my life out from when I had spots.
01:26:38.000 Right.
01:26:39.000 And depended upon it.
01:26:41.000 Artistically, too, right?
01:26:43.000 Yeah, absolutely.
01:26:44.000 People have hit this weird breaking point.
01:26:48.000 We're like six weeks in, right?
01:26:49.000 And people are really antsy for things to open back up again.
01:26:53.000 So there's like an additional tension that seems to be in the air.
01:26:57.000 Maybe it's time for celebrities to sing us to sleep with us. 1.00
01:27:04.000 Don't stand so close to me.
01:27:08.000 Don't stand.
01:27:12.000 That's a creepy song.
01:27:14.000 Right?
01:27:15.000 Isn't that a song about...
01:27:16.000 I guess pre-COVID-19 it's creepy.
01:27:19.000 But don't stand so close to me.
01:27:20.000 Isn't it about like a teacher and a young girl?
01:27:23.000 Is that what it's about?
01:27:24.000 The subject of schoolgirl fantasy.
01:27:26.000 Well, if he was saying, come closer, schoolgirl, that would be worse.
01:27:29.000 She's hitting on him.
01:27:29.000 He's the teacher and she's hitting on him.
01:27:31.000 Here we go.
01:27:31.000 Young teacher, the subject of schoolgirl fantasy.
01:27:35.000 She wants him so badly.
01:27:36.000 Knows what she wants to be.
01:27:38.000 Inside her, there's no room.
01:27:40.000 Hmm.
01:27:41.000 This girl's an open page.
01:27:43.000 Bookmarking.
01:27:44.000 She's so close now.
01:27:46.000 This girl's half his age.
01:27:47.000 Don't stand so close to me. 1.00
01:27:49.000 Oh, because they're fucking. 1.00
01:27:50.000 Yeah, well, her friends are so jealous. 1.00
01:27:52.000 You know how bad girls get. 1.00
01:27:54.000 Sometimes it's not so easy to be the teacher's pet.
01:27:58.000 Temptation, frustration so bad it makes him cry.
01:28:01.000 Wet bus stop.
01:28:02.000 She's waiting.
01:28:03.000 His car is warm and dry.
01:28:06.000 Don't stand so close to me.
01:28:08.000 Loose talk in the classroom.
01:28:10.000 What? 1.00
01:28:11.000 Holy fuck. 1.00
01:28:13.000 Holy fuck. 1.00
01:28:16.000 He starts to shake. 1.00
01:28:17.000 He starts to cough.
01:28:18.000 COVID-19.
01:28:21.000 Too hurt, they try and try.
01:28:23.000 Strong words in the staff room.
01:28:25.000 The accusations fly.
01:28:26.000 It's no use.
01:28:27.000 He sees her.
01:28:28.000 He starts to shake.
01:28:29.000 He starts to cough.
01:28:30.000 Just like the old man in that famous book by Nabokov.
01:28:34.000 A Lolita.
01:28:34.000 Don't stand.
01:28:35.000 Don't stand so.
01:28:37.000 Keep going.
01:28:38.000 What else?
01:28:39.000 That's the whole song? 0.86
01:28:40.000 Okay, that song is a pedophile song. 1.00
01:28:43.000 That's a song about a guy getting tricked into fucking a 14-year-old. 1.00
01:28:47.000 Don't sing that one. 1.00
01:28:48.000 Would you say a guy getting tricked into fucking a 14-year-old? 0.99
01:28:51.000 That is a song about a guy who's getting lured in by a young Lolita. 0.99
01:28:55.000 I mean, that's what it's leading up.
01:28:57.000 She wants him so badly, you know?
01:29:00.000 And then it's not so easy to be the teacher's pet.
01:29:03.000 All right, they're all together.
01:29:04.000 They're in the car together.
01:29:05.000 It's raining out.
01:29:06.000 His car's warm and dry. 1.00
01:29:07.000 He's a criminal! 0.98
01:29:08.000 Dude, until you told me that, I've never in... 0.95
01:29:12.000 I don't know how long I've heard that song, like 30 years or however long it was around, thought that was what...
01:29:19.000 I've listened to it so many times, like not that I even saw it out, but just over and over again and never...
01:29:24.000 That's what it was.
01:29:26.000 That's why it doesn't matter about lyrics. 0.99
01:29:28.000 Dude, that shit used to go on. 0.99
01:29:30.000 When I was in high school, a Spanish teacher fucked my friend. 1.00
01:29:33.000 I went on in my school. 0.99
01:29:33.000 I knew someone that happened to. 0.99
01:29:35.000 The song was penned by Sting, who just happened to have a former career as a teacher before the rock stardom came calling.
01:29:40.000 Dude, I told a story about it on... 0.99
01:29:44.000 People used to fuck their students back then. 0.99
01:29:47.000 This girl that I knew was 17, and the guy was a young man. 0.99
01:29:53.000 He's a handsome young man.
01:29:54.000 He's one of my favorite teachers. 1.00
01:29:55.000 Anyway, they fucked! 0.99
01:29:58.000 I don't know what the rules were back then, but I'm pretty sure. 0.98
01:30:01.000 When I was in high school, a bunch of girls I knew were dating some guy that could probably have gone to jail.
01:30:08.000 But a few people...
01:30:10.000 I told a story on Ari's show...
01:30:13.000 I knew somebody who, like, he was in high school and hooked up with his geometry teacher, and they ended up being married.
01:30:19.000 When I was in high school, I dated a girl.
01:30:21.000 She was a very nice girl, but she was also naughty. 0.99
01:30:24.000 And this naughty girl fucked an older man who had a boat. 1.00
01:30:30.000 That sounds like such a good Billie Eilish song. 1.00
01:30:34.000 She fucked the guy or her and her friend fucked the guy. 1.00
01:30:36.000 Anyway, she was a naughty girl. 1.00
01:30:38.000 Older man who has a boat.
01:30:39.000 But a very nice girl.
01:30:39.000 She's adventurous.
01:30:41.000 And one of the things she said, it was like he gave her a hard time about it. 1.00
01:30:44.000 And she's like, motherfucker, I'll turn you into the police. 1.00
01:30:47.000 Oh, you know what? 1.00
01:30:48.000 We were doing a prom show years ago.
01:30:50.000 I don't know if they do that here, but in New York, the club's prom season.
01:30:54.000 A bunch of Long Island high schools go to comedy shows after their prom.
01:30:57.000 Yes, I did that at Dangerfields.
01:31:00.000 Yeah, right.
01:31:01.000 I worked at Dangerfields.
01:31:02.000 So one of the limo drivers, I don't know who asked him, like, do you ever, like, because by the way, the girls look like kids, like, like, it was crazy how much they look like kids to me, these high school kids.
01:31:14.000 Right.
01:31:15.000 There'd be a couple where you're like, oh, that looks like an older kid, but they all like kids.
01:31:18.000 But somebody asked the driver, one time a driver, a girl... 0.97
01:31:22.000 I don't remember if she was 16, he said, but she came on to him and they fucked and she goes, how much you make tonight? 0.79
01:31:28.000 And the guy was like, I don't know, like 500 bucks. 0.92
01:31:30.000 And she goes, I think you made 200 and took $300 off this thing.
01:31:35.000 Oh my God. 0.99
01:31:36.000 Yeah, like that's a really advanced fucking thing to do. 1.00
01:31:40.000 She stole 300 bucks and fucked him. 1.00
01:31:41.000 It's an interesting call because she like turned herself into a prostitute. 1.00
01:31:45.000 I just don't know why you would make that. 0.95
01:31:47.000 Although, remember To Catch a Predator?
01:31:51.000 Half those people seemed like they would go to anybody who had written back to them.
01:31:56.000 I got a theory about that, too.
01:31:58.000 About why guys are into high school kids.
01:32:01.000 Why? 0.56
01:32:01.000 I think there's some guys out there that hit a point in their life Like, maybe, like, right after they graduate, where their life got really fucked up, and it didn't go anywhere. 0.56
01:32:10.000 Yes, I've heard the Sting song. 0.67
01:32:14.000 It got really fucked up, and it didn't go anywhere, and they wanted to, like, relive their childhood. 0.97
01:32:19.000 Yeah, right. 0.97
01:32:20.000 Like, if I went back to high school, like, maybe they have a lot of regrets.
01:32:22.000 They got clowned a lot.
01:32:23.000 I knew then what I knew now.
01:32:25.000 They got beat up.
01:32:26.000 But it is that kind of thing, where it's like, you want to go back and be the hero.
01:32:30.000 There's a thing that makes you stuck in a certain moment.
01:32:33.000 Yeah.
01:32:33.000 Well, there's a thing with women, too.
01:32:35.000 That's why a lot of women wind up fucking high school boys, right? 1.00
01:32:38.000 Women that are teachers. 1.00
01:32:39.000 Like, how many times you heard that story?
01:32:41.000 I heard it growing up.
01:32:43.000 It's constant.
01:32:44.000 Yeah, I know somebody did it.
01:32:45.000 The funny thing is, they barely get arrested.
01:32:48.000 Like, most of the time, they don't do any time.
01:32:50.000 I saw one recently.
01:32:51.000 I think that's a lot of places. 0.98
01:32:52.000 She was fucking a 16-year-old boy, and they just said, don't do it anymore, and they gave her, like, one year probation. 0.98
01:32:58.000 Where was this? 0.99
01:32:59.000 I forget.
01:33:00.000 I forget.
01:33:00.000 They gave her a court order to knock it off.
01:33:02.000 It was probably like Kansas or something like that.
01:33:05.000 They're like, stop it. 1.00
01:33:06.000 Just stop fucking the guy. 1.00
01:33:08.000 People what you call farm strong out there. 1.00
01:33:10.000 But if it was a guy that was fucking a 15 or 16 year old guy. 0.98
01:33:14.000 We're just happy it's not a cousin. 0.99
01:33:15.000 Go.
01:33:16.000 We're just happy it's not a guy.
01:33:17.000 If a guy was doing it, they would want that guy locked up in a cage for sure. 0.58
01:33:21.000 It's interesting.
01:33:22.000 I mean, I agree with it.
01:33:24.000 It makes sense.
01:33:25.000 But it's still, it's kind of crazy.
01:33:28.000 Yeah, I don't, man, I guess...
01:33:31.000 Dude, so many teachers blow their students. 1.00
01:33:33.000 I mean, it's just, the only ones you hear about are the ones where these pussies can't keep their mouths shut. 1.00
01:33:40.000 Well, I know somebody... 0.99
01:33:42.000 They have to go to their mom and go to the teachers and go to the cops.
01:33:46.000 You know what? 1.00
01:33:46.000 It depends if you're a fucking kid or not. 1.00
01:33:49.000 It depends on how old the kid is. 0.99
01:33:51.000 If I was like 16, when I was in high school, like 16, I was as kid of a 16-year-old as you can be because we were religious, so I had no...
01:33:59.000 Really, I mean... 0.94
01:34:01.000 So do you think that those are the guys that they try to fuck, or do you think they go after the young football player guys? 0.95
01:34:06.000 I think it's all kinds of different... 0.98
01:34:10.000 Like, if you're a crazy girl who wants to relive childhood, relive high school, so you go and get a job teaching high school boys... 0.98
01:34:17.000 I think somebody just strikes your fancy, and they probably never thought it would be like that.
01:34:21.000 I think it's like some pure, you know...
01:34:24.000 Maybe they think like, when I was in high school, that boy wouldn't give me the time of day if I was in high school with him. 0.99
01:34:30.000 But now I can fuck him, because I'm 32 and I'm the teacher. 0.99
01:34:33.000 Do you think it's that thought through? 1.00
01:34:35.000 A hundred percent.
01:34:35.000 It's all planned out.
01:34:36.000 There's journals and schematics.
01:34:38.000 Oh, is there journals?
01:34:40.000 They got a map of how they want it to go down and all the friends are connected in one of those little circles with all the lines that come out with different names.
01:34:48.000 Who was the one that they made that movie about with Nicole Kidman? 0.89
01:34:53.000 I mean, there's a real story of someone where some, you know, the teacher got the kid to kill her husband.
01:34:58.000 Oh, right.
01:34:59.000 That was...
01:35:00.000 And then, uh...
01:35:01.000 That was, uh, was that in New Hampshire?
01:35:03.000 Where was that?
01:35:03.000 Yeah.
01:35:04.000 Then there's a documentary about her where, like, made... 0.99
01:35:06.000 It's a fucking crazy story. 0.98
01:35:09.000 Was that... 1.00
01:35:10.000 Was that Pam Smart? 0.99
01:35:12.000 Yes, Pam was smart. 1.00
01:35:13.000 Yeah, I remember that, man.
01:35:15.000 Everybody had jokes about that.
01:35:18.000 Yeah, everybody does.
01:35:19.000 In 88, when I was just starting to do stand-up, it was right around then that it happened when I was an open-miker.
01:35:26.000 So everybody had like Pam Smart jokes. 0.67
01:35:30.000 To die for.
01:35:33.000 What did the real Pam Smart look like? 1.00
01:35:34.000 Not that good.
01:35:36.000 Well, keep in mind that's imprisoned for a while.
01:35:38.000 Well, it's just not fair. 0.97
01:35:39.000 Yeah, she's pretty cute with some fucked up Revere hair. 1.00
01:35:43.000 Look at her hair. 0.97
01:35:44.000 Go back to that picture again.
01:35:45.000 What year is that?
01:35:47.000 What year of hair was that?
01:35:49.000 Because I remember that when like...
01:35:50.000 That's in the 80s for sure, girls in here like that. 1.00
01:35:53.000 Everybody had Peg Bundy here? 0.99
01:35:54.000 Yep.
01:35:55.000 In the 80s.
01:35:56.000 Yeah.
01:35:57.000 To Die For was 95. Yeah, you're not...
01:35:59.000 It's hard to fuck with a 1995 Nicole Kidman. 1.00
01:36:04.000 Right? 0.99
01:36:04.000 That's what year it was? 0.99
01:36:05.000 Yeah.
01:36:06.000 Here's another version of it too with Helen Hunt.
01:36:08.000 I'm not as good.
01:36:09.000 Oh, yeah.
01:36:10.000 It's fine.
01:36:11.000 It's more accurate.
01:36:13.000 But I think like...
01:36:14.000 Well, Nicole Kidman was supposed to be just a character based on her.
01:36:18.000 But it's funny, right?
01:36:19.000 Because if you're doing an actual real-life story, you would really...
01:36:24.000 If you had a teacher that looked like Nicole Kidman, it would change the narrative. 0.91
01:36:29.000 Like, there's a weirdness...
01:36:31.000 No, it 100% does. 0.98
01:36:32.000 Yeah, because there's a weirdness if it's a big, fat lady. 1.00
01:36:34.000 Right? 0.98
01:36:34.000 If it's a big, fat lady... 0.98
01:36:35.000 Dude, the guy that I knew... 0.71
01:36:35.000 The guy that I knew, the teacher was hot. 0.71
01:36:38.000 And everybody was like...
01:36:39.000 Everybody was like, oh, that kid's looking pretty cool.
01:36:41.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:36:42.000 What were you saying?
01:36:43.000 It was like...
01:36:45.000 Loosely based on that movie.
01:36:46.000 Loosely based.
01:36:47.000 Inspired.
01:36:47.000 Yeah.
01:36:48.000 So here's the problem with that.
01:36:50.000 If like Salma Hayek, like hot Salma Hayek from Dust to Darkness, that one, Inner Prime, remember when there was another foot thing with Tarantino?
01:37:00.000 Oh yeah, he takes a shot off her feet. 1.00
01:37:02.000 Yeah, he takes a shot off her feet. 1.00
01:37:03.000 No, when you hear it and then you look back, you're like, wait a minute, there's a 20 minute foot scene in every... 1.00
01:37:09.000 Fucking Kill Bill! 0.99
01:37:10.000 She's like, now wiggle your toes. 1.00
01:37:12.000 It's like, camera hangs on toes for a while until they move.
01:37:16.000 If that Salma Hayek. 0.97
01:37:17.000 Until I come.
01:37:19.000 She was so hot. 1.00
01:37:20.000 If that Salma Hayek wanted to fuck your 16-year-old boy, what kind of a chance does he have of saying no? 1.00
01:37:25.000 He's got zero chance of saying no. 0.99
01:37:27.000 I mean, there's probably mythological creatures based on that.
01:37:29.000 Look at her.
01:37:29.000 Look at how hot she was.
01:37:30.000 Yeah, right. 1.00
01:37:31.000 Get the fuck out of here, man. 0.99
01:37:32.000 She was so smoking hot and still is. 1.00
01:37:34.000 She's still hot as fuck. 1.00
01:37:36.000 Yeah, even without a foot fetish, that foot thing is like, oh, I would do that. 1.00
01:37:39.000 Yes, exactly.
01:37:40.000 Exactly.
01:37:41.000 She's beautiful.
01:37:41.000 Now, imagine if she is the teacher and some 15-year-old, 16-year-old boy, the teacher, let's not say it's her.
01:37:50.000 Let's say it looks like it could be her cousin or something like that, but really hot, just as hot as her.
01:37:55.000 Let's not say it's her.
01:37:56.000 Let's not be disrespectful. 0.87
01:37:57.000 If someone on an equal scale of hotness to Salma Hayek fucks your 16-year-old boy, what chance does he have of saying no to that? 0.64
01:38:05.000 How about zero? 0.70
01:38:06.000 Some might consider that beyond consent.
01:38:12.000 I think that's the entire idea of it being a kid.
01:38:15.000 The thing about it is, if he was 18, you'd be psyched for him.
01:38:21.000 Just two more years.
01:38:22.000 If he just lived 24 months and he was cooked better.
01:38:27.000 Somebody said it to me.
01:38:28.000 Maybe Annie said it to me.
01:38:29.000 If it is just a year, why can't you wait a year or something?
01:38:33.000 I think it's arbitrary. 0.99
01:38:38.000 Grown women that want to fuck 17-year-olds don't have a year to wait. 1.00
01:38:41.000 Those bitches are all crazy. 1.00
01:38:43.000 They don't. 1.00
01:38:43.000 That's right. 1.00
01:38:44.000 They don't have any time.
01:38:45.000 That's right.
01:38:46.000 They don't have no time to wait.
01:38:47.000 Oh my goodness.
01:38:48.000 They have credit card debt. 1.00
01:38:49.000 There's fucking ex-boyfriends trying to chase them down. 0.99
01:38:52.000 I was going to say, how will a high school student help your credit card debt? 1.00
01:38:55.000 You know, some of those women are married. 1.00
01:38:57.000 Some of those women are married to guys. 1.00
01:38:58.000 I think a lot of the people are married. 1.00
01:39:00.000 And they wind up fucking their students. 1.00
01:39:03.000 I was never around that. 1.00
01:39:04.000 I never experienced that as a kid, where a teacher, a female hot teacher fucked any of my friends. 1.00
01:39:10.000 Yeah, no, I never had that. 0.94
01:39:13.000 There was a gym teacher and somebody in my school, I remember.
01:39:16.000 Oh, a female gym teacher? 0.99
01:39:17.000 No, it was a male gym teacher and somebody else.
01:39:19.000 That makes sense.
01:39:20.000 I think he just got fired.
01:39:21.000 Just now.
01:39:22.000 You know, I could be wrong, but I think the guy that the school had a weight room, you know, he'd go to after school. 0.94
01:39:29.000 And the guy, I remember hearing some shit like that about the guy that was like ran the weight room. 0.93
01:39:33.000 He's one of the gym teachers. 0.99
01:39:35.000 I remember he was very, always very grabby and like, I didn't think it was just, it was very Joe Biden-y, like shoulder rubs and you know, like, I got hairy legs!
01:39:47.000 He just wanted to press your leg hair down and then you'd press his leg hair down.
01:39:51.000 No big deal.
01:39:52.000 Just press his leg hair down.
01:39:54.000 Everybody likes the kids playing with their leg hair.
01:39:57.000 It's fun.
01:39:58.000 Yeah.
01:39:58.000 Totally normal to talk about too if you're running for president.
01:40:03.000 Dude, that fucking... 0.99
01:40:04.000 Is that from the Corn Pop thing? 1.00
01:40:06.000 What?
01:40:06.000 Is that the Corn Pop speech?
01:40:07.000 I think it is.
01:40:08.000 Yeah.
01:40:09.000 The thing about I got hairy legs.
01:40:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:40:11.000 And something about going by the pool.
01:40:14.000 Yeah, no, he was a... 0.98
01:40:15.000 He was a lifeguard, and he fucking stared down the local gang leader, Corn Pop. 0.95
01:40:21.000 Is that what the story is? 0.98
01:40:23.000 Yeah, and he had a chain, and then instead of fighting, they became friends.
01:40:27.000 And he was like, I'm sorry I called you Esther Williams.
01:40:30.000 In front with razor-wielding gangster named Corn Pop.
01:40:33.000 Yeah, they used to rust their razors in a rain barrel.
01:40:35.000 That's a real story?
01:40:36.000 That's the whole story.
01:40:38.000 It's the same with the pool.
01:40:39.000 I only heard the legs in the pool part, I think.
01:40:43.000 I didn't know about this other guy, because now I might need to hear this.
01:40:46.000 Are we allowed to play this?
01:40:48.000 Is this news?
01:40:49.000 How does this work?
01:40:51.000 Okay, let's hear the audio.
01:40:52.000 Let's hear what it says.
01:40:54.000 And I was one of the guards, and there was a three-meter board. 0.98
01:40:59.000 If you fell off sideways, you landed on the darn cement over there. 0.98
01:41:05.000 And Corn Pop was a bad dude. 1.00
01:41:06.000 Whoa, is there a laugh track on this motherfucker? 1.00
01:41:07.000 Corn Pop was a bad dude. 1.00
01:41:09.000 And he ran a bunch of bad boys.
01:41:11.000 And I did.
01:41:12.000 And back in those days, to show how things have changed, one of the things you had to use, if you used pomade in your hair, you had to wear a bathing cap.
01:41:21.000 And so he was up on the board, wouldn't listen to me.
01:41:23.000 I said, hey, Esther, you, off the board, or I'll come up and drag you off. 1.00
01:41:27.000 Well, he came off, and he said, I'll meet you outside.
01:41:30.000 My car, this was mostly, these were all public housing behind it.
01:41:35.000 My car, there was a gate out here.
01:41:36.000 I parked my car outside the gate.
01:41:39.000 And I, he said, I'll be waiting for you.
01:41:41.000 He was waiting for three guys in straight racers.
01:41:44.000 Not a joke.
01:41:45.000 There's a guy named Bill Wright Mouse, the only white guy, and he did all the pools.
01:41:50.000 He was the mechanic.
01:41:52.000 And I said, what am I going to do?
01:41:53.000 He said, come down here in the basement where mechanics, where all the pool filter is.
01:41:59.000 You know, the chain, there used to be a chain that went across the deep end.
01:42:03.000 And he cut off a six-foot length of chain.
01:42:05.000 He fold up.
01:42:05.000 He said, you walk out with that chain.
01:42:08.000 And you walk to the car and say, you may cut me, man, but I'm going to wrap this chain around your head. 0.51
01:42:14.000 I said, you're kidding me.
01:42:16.000 He said, no, if you don't, don't come back.
01:42:18.000 And he was right.
01:42:19.000 So I walked out with the chain.
01:42:22.000 And I walked up to my car.
01:42:24.000 And in those days, remember the straight razor?
01:42:27.000 You'd bang them on the curb, get them rusty, put them in a rain barrel, get them rusty.
01:42:33.000 And I looked at him, but I was smart then.
01:42:36.000 I said, first of all, I said, when I tell you to get off the board, you get off the board, I'll kick you out again, but I shouldn't have called you, Esther Williams. 1.00
01:42:43.000 I apologize for that.
01:42:45.000 Pause this for a second.
01:42:46.000 Pause this for a second.
01:42:47.000 Do you know who Esther Williams is?
01:42:49.000 Oh, we're almost done.
01:42:50.000 We're almost done.
01:42:50.000 Go ahead.
01:42:51.000 Keep it going for a second.
01:42:52.000 It's only a few more seconds to go.
01:42:53.000 It's going to work.
01:42:54.000 He said, you apologize to me?
01:42:56.000 I said, I apologize for that.
01:42:58.000 Not for throwing you out, but I apologize for what I said.
01:43:01.000 He said, okay.
01:43:02.000 He closed his straight razor and my heart began to beat again. 1.00
01:43:12.000 How polite were those children being, by the way, during that fucking... 0.99
01:43:15.000 That was one of the things I was going to say when I paused it. 0.99
01:43:18.000 No one's paying attention to him.
01:43:19.000 All those kids are talking.
01:43:20.000 They all went to a happy place.
01:43:22.000 They're all just talking.
01:43:23.000 This guy's running for president, and they're behind him, and he's on stage.
01:43:26.000 Was this a president stump thing?
01:43:29.000 I thought it was something else.
01:43:30.000 I don't know what it is, but he's running for president while this is going on, for sure.
01:43:34.000 Oh, he was.
01:43:35.000 Look, there's that thing, the city of...
01:43:37.000 Where is it?
01:43:38.000 Because it says it on that little city symbol that's on the front of the podium, Delaware.
01:43:43.000 So who've set this up where you have a bunch of kids on stage behind him not paying attention while he gives this long-winded story about razor blades and chains and...
01:43:54.000 Basically, they apologize to each other and then...
01:43:57.000 It's crazy that he's a presumptive...
01:44:00.000 It's crazy to run him. 1.00
01:44:01.000 It's absolutely fucking crazy. 0.97
01:44:03.000 It's weird, man. 0.98
01:44:04.000 It's weird.
01:44:05.000 You know what's interesting?
01:44:07.000 It was interesting talking to Owen Smith yesterday because I love Owen.
01:44:11.000 He's a...
01:44:12.000 Really brilliant comedian.
01:44:15.000 One of the best guys I know.
01:44:17.000 And we were talking about it and he said, Biden makes me feel like things would be normal again.
01:44:24.000 I think he's saying the people that go We'll go for Biden, and that's not a small amount of people.
01:44:31.000 Yeah, there's like some Obama rubbed off on him, but Biden was never a guy who was going to get elected before that.
01:44:36.000 He's certainly not now.
01:44:38.000 It's just trying to get that feeling back, and it's not coming back. 1.00
01:44:42.000 They got to fuck in. 1.00
01:44:43.000 But you've never seen a greater example of team loyalty? 1.00
01:44:49.000 Yeah.
01:44:49.000 Than this.
01:44:50.000 This one right here.
01:44:51.000 That's what this is.
01:44:52.000 100%.
01:44:52.000 Because no one on the left wants to talk about these crazy long-winded speeches and things that don't make any sense.
01:44:59.000 The lefties, I learned about it watching, I think, Jimmy Dore.
01:45:03.000 The people on the left, this is why they lost. 0.99
01:45:06.000 I mean, I say that they lost when fucking Nanette came out. 1.00
01:45:09.000 But, like, people on the left didn't want him. 0.99
01:45:15.000 No.
01:45:15.000 And they weren't on board Bernie.
01:45:17.000 Like, Bernie's saying, hey, go along with.
01:45:20.000 People were following Bernie because of what they thought his policies would be, not necessarily like a cult of personality. 0.99
01:45:26.000 So they don't give a shit if Bernie says vote for Biden. 0.99
01:45:28.000 They were voting for way more lefty shit and not the normal feeling. 1.00
01:45:33.000 In fact, they hate those. 1.00
01:45:35.000 The real lefties can't stand like an Owen Smith Democrat.
01:45:40.000 Above all else.
01:45:41.000 They wanted it changed.
01:45:43.000 The real lefties want everything changed. 1.00
01:45:46.000 Yeah, the Republicans had to have their thing where Trump just trashed.
01:45:49.000 He trounced them when he came in, right? 1.00
01:45:50.000 And they're like his bitch now. 1.00
01:45:54.000 And so they had that fight. 1.00
01:45:55.000 There's no one...
01:45:57.000 Bernie was never going to do that with the Democrats.
01:45:59.000 But isn't it crazy that it's all about likability and electability?
01:46:03.000 Like, that's really what it's all about.
01:46:06.000 If people like you, they'll give you a chance.
01:46:07.000 A simple, clear message.
01:46:08.000 Dude, a simple, clear message.
01:46:11.000 See, the Biden thing, you're right, that people just want to feel normal again.
01:46:15.000 I don't know how you...
01:46:16.000 That was Owen's...
01:46:17.000 Take.
01:46:17.000 That was how he felt.
01:46:19.000 Him personally.
01:46:20.000 Yeah.
01:46:20.000 If they could make that into a slogan, I just want to feel normal again, that would be like a MAGA for them.
01:46:26.000 But somebody's got to come up with that.
01:46:28.000 Well, dude, you've got to look back in time and you look at history and all the mistakes that were...
01:46:37.000 That's what you're reading about when you're reading about lost wars and invasions that went terrible.
01:46:42.000 You're hearing about trials and errors and mistakes. 0.99
01:46:45.000 Well, that's when you see people's fucking principles. 0.99
01:46:49.000 Because, I mean, especially with Biden, the thing of all the people that were crowing about believe her and all that shit that are like, well, you can't believe... 0.99
01:46:58.000 Sometimes people are lying. 0.97
01:47:00.000 Oh, are they now?
01:47:01.000 When it came after him, yeah.
01:47:03.000 That's really despicable, man.
01:47:05.000 Well, there's only a few people out there that don't do that, that are in the media, that are in that sort of... 1.00
01:47:12.000 The media loves this shit more than... 1.00
01:47:14.000 I mean, how they hate Trump when it's like 90% their fucking fault. 1.00
01:47:21.000 There's a lot of different things going on, man. 0.99
01:47:23.000 Did you see Annihilation?
01:47:23.000 Some of it is like sports.
01:47:25.000 It's like you want your team to win.
01:47:27.000 It's a lot of that.
01:47:27.000 I think that's a huge amount of that.
01:47:28.000 Huge amount of that.
01:47:29.000 You know that movie Annihilation with Natalie Portman?
01:47:32.000 Yeah, that was the one where they, that was by the same guy who made Ex Machina, right?
01:47:38.000 Yes.
01:47:39.000 Yeah, that was really good.
01:47:40.000 Remember the end and Natalie Portman?
01:47:43.000 Don't spoiler alert for everybody.
01:47:44.000 This is quarantine.
01:47:45.000 People can see that movie now.
01:47:47.000 Alright, well, when you see it, they've had enough time to watch it.
01:47:53.000 I'm just kidding.
01:47:54.000 There's a thing of her that's rainbow-colored that's like a duplicate of her.
01:47:58.000 Right, right, right.
01:47:59.000 And she's trying to run.
01:48:00.000 It's pressing her against the door.
01:48:01.000 She's fighting it.
01:48:02.000 And then she stops for a minute, and then she gives it a grenade and pulls it and gets away. 1.00
01:48:08.000 The more she would fight it, it would give equal reaction back at her.
01:48:11.000 Right.
01:48:12.000 That's what these people... 1.00
01:48:13.000 It's like Trump's your fucking reflection and you hate it. 1.00
01:48:15.000 And the more they fight it, the more it presses them back up against the door. 1.00
01:48:20.000 And they're never going to figure out how to just give him the grenade and pull the pin and walk away.
01:48:26.000 Because they can't like...
01:48:28.000 He definitely makes mistakes, but they are also so wrapped up in everything that he does...
01:48:36.000 In a way that they distort even things that probably turn out to be a good idea.
01:48:40.000 He plans for that.
01:48:41.000 He does that every... 0.99
01:48:42.000 The people that just could get ruined by one minor thing, you're like, I'll do a thing every fucking day. 0.96
01:48:49.000 And what are you going to do? 0.90
01:48:50.000 And people, like...
01:48:52.000 A bunch of people just don't follow him.
01:48:54.000 It's genius, dude.
01:48:57.000 If you hate his guts, you can't say it wasn't very smart.
01:48:59.000 But people are so wound up.
01:49:01.000 This is...
01:49:02.000 Look...
01:49:04.000 Anytime you get too emotional about things, your view of things get distorted.
01:49:09.000 It's one of the things that happens in fights all the time. 1.00
01:49:11.000 You see, fighters talk shit to each other, right? 1.00
01:49:14.000 And one of the reasons why they talk shit to each other is because they're trying to get the other person emotionally invested in the fight. 1.00
01:49:20.000 Right. 0.99
01:49:20.000 They're trying to get them angry and pissed off where they're going to do something irrational, they're not going to be logical. 0.99
01:49:25.000 Right.
01:49:26.000 That's what you're seeing.
01:49:27.000 You're seeing that with him. 0.89
01:49:29.000 Instead of them analyzing it, it's like everything is a personal affront, and he's like a demon that must be slain.
01:49:36.000 That's people that vote for a feeling.
01:49:37.000 That Obama feeling, that's why it's such an offense.
01:49:40.000 It's not about anything Obama did or didn't do.
01:49:43.000 It's the feeling that people got.
01:49:44.000 It's been offended, and they want that back.
01:49:48.000 Always said about him, like, forget about his policies.
01:49:50.000 Like, he was a great statesman.
01:49:52.000 The way he would talk would be like...
01:49:54.000 Yes, that's the thing.
01:49:54.000 Yes.
01:49:55.000 He was reserved, and he was articulate and smooth, and when you would hear him talk, like, that's an excellent representation of the United States.
01:50:03.000 Yeah, right.
01:50:04.000 Like, perfect.
01:50:05.000 That's one of our top dudes.
01:50:07.000 Makes sense.
01:50:08.000 Yeah, right.
01:50:08.000 Yeah.
01:50:09.000 And, like, even-keeled, didn't get angry.
01:50:12.000 I expect certain bourgeois norms.
01:50:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:50:15.000 Whereas, like, the thing with Trump is that he's, you know, like you said, he's not really a politician, so he's just being the guy he's always been.
01:50:24.000 And everybody's like, I thought you were going to be a president, though.
01:50:26.000 I thought you were going to act like we need—because you want to be called POTUS. I thought people got him for specifically the opposite of that.
01:50:33.000 It's like, and that shit's done now. 0.99
01:50:34.000 So people still want the West Wing or whatever the fuck, like— That's what it is. 0.99
01:50:40.000 It's like you're West Wing kind of people. 0.98
01:50:42.000 If you want reform, real reform, you should be kind of happy that he exposed it.
01:50:46.000 What I think it exposes is how not rigged it is. 0.99
01:50:49.000 Because if someone controlled it, no fucking way. 0.97
01:50:53.000 They only control some of it. 1.00
01:50:55.000 Yeah, based on the fucking of Bernie and him getting in. 0.98
01:51:00.000 Not that Bernie was going to win. 1.00
01:51:01.000 The fucking of Bernie, though, it's crazy. 0.99
01:51:03.000 It's like you're watching in real time. 1.00
01:51:05.000 Bernie's not fit to be president.
01:51:05.000 Listen, if you get bulldozed like that, you're not fit.
01:51:08.000 You're right.
01:51:09.000 I think he's a genuinely good man, which is why he's unfit to be the president.
01:51:13.000 This is not a job for that.
01:51:15.000 Well, this is one of the reasons why they're so scared of Tulsi Gabbard. 0.94
01:51:19.000 It's because she doesn't lay down like that. 0.98
01:51:21.000 Yeah.
01:51:22.000 Once she had that moment with Kamala Harris in the debates. 0.99
01:51:26.000 Oh, yeah.
01:51:27.000 That was great, by the way. 0.98
01:51:28.000 It was fucking amazing. 1.00
01:51:29.000 Instead of saying, wow, this lady's dynamic, they're like, oh shit, we can't really control her. 1.00
01:51:35.000 She's going to attack our top lady. 1.00
01:51:38.000 She's going after people. 1.00
01:51:39.000 She's saying things that if you want your team to win, you're not going to give up those cards so early.
01:51:48.000 Well, there's an internal thing you've got to settle with, all the people that are actual left that are mad, and they want their Trump.
01:51:55.000 And so they're not going to go along with the same, because I think a lot of liberals don't get that the lefties hate you more than they hate a Nazi.
01:52:05.000 They hate you more than any right-winger, just a regular liberal.
01:52:08.000 That's who they want to get. 0.99
01:52:10.000 That's why they turn on Ellen or whoever the fuck, because they're waiting to have a reason to turn on you. 0.99
01:52:15.000 Right. 0.99
01:52:16.000 No one's going to pass the purity test.
01:52:18.000 No one.
01:52:19.000 They're just looking for something.
01:52:21.000 And I think that, again, it goes back to the thing, like, that's not nice.
01:52:26.000 Like, if all your...
01:52:28.000 You're constantly attacking...
01:52:29.000 Now's not the time to be nice, Joe.
01:52:31.000 Now's the time for rage.
01:52:32.000 Yeah.
01:52:33.000 There was someone that...
01:52:35.000 Someone wrote something about...
01:52:37.000 Oh.
01:52:39.000 That guy from CNN. What's his name?
01:52:41.000 Brian...
01:52:42.000 Stelter.
01:52:43.000 Stelter.
01:52:43.000 The one who looks like Divine out of drag.
01:52:45.000 That's that guy.
01:52:46.000 He wrote something about angry journalism.
01:52:53.000 I forget what he wrote, but it was widely criticized.
01:52:56.000 Why?
01:52:56.000 Well, because it was like, basically, he's admitting that this is, like, you're not doing journalism.
01:53:01.000 This is like editorial.
01:53:04.000 It's an editorial take.
01:53:06.000 Yeah, that's a direct, very, yeah.
01:53:06.000 Yeah, it's like you're calling for activism more than you're calling for reporting the news.
01:53:12.000 And you believe that you're correct, so you're going to, like, push your idea.
01:53:17.000 I mean, this is what, when we go to the news, what we really want is someone who's going to tell us exactly what happened without any political bend to it.
01:53:24.000 That's what we really want.
01:53:25.000 And we expect, by the way, I still, even saying that, I still expect I'm probably going to see a little bit of it.
01:53:31.000 People figure in there's probably going to be that.
01:53:33.000 And when I was a kid, it was like that, but not near to now, where it's become like a catty gossip mixed with news. 0.99
01:53:42.000 Yeah, now it's fucking bonkers. 0.98
01:53:44.000 Because women shared more online. 0.99
01:53:46.000 They're targeting the emotions of women. 0.99
01:53:48.000 That's specifically...
01:53:50.000 By design.
01:53:51.000 This is the same thing we're talking about with the Elon Musk thing.
01:53:54.000 How could you say that he didn't do that when he can show you all these tweets?
01:54:00.000 How can you accuse someone?
01:54:02.000 He's just out to get him, dude.
01:54:03.000 They have a thing for him.
01:54:04.000 The same thing, though, right?
01:54:06.000 Where are we in the news world now?
01:54:08.000 Some rapper talking about how the cops won't leave him alone.
01:54:10.000 He's like a guy like...
01:54:12.000 The cops are always going to bother him.
01:54:14.000 He just got on the bad side of it.
01:54:17.000 It's an institution.
01:54:18.000 And all these institutions, if you talk about it, they hate you.
01:54:21.000 They have it in for you.
01:54:23.000 It's crazy.
01:54:25.000 Think of a cop that's corrupt going, well, the thin blue line. 1.00
01:54:28.000 But you're a fucking dirty... 1.00
01:54:29.000 So that's how they are with Elon Musk? 1.00
01:54:32.000 So they are with a bunch of people.
01:54:34.000 That's so crazy. 0.99
01:54:35.000 It's not like so much about justice, let's say, as it is about processing and the system and shit. 0.99
01:54:39.000 That's their job, okay? 1.00
01:54:41.000 And that's what they fucking... 0.99
01:54:43.000 Did you find his quote? 0.99
01:54:45.000 A bunch of people had made a meme out of it and were passing it around.
01:54:49.000 It was him calling...
01:54:50.000 I forget the expression that he used, but I really wish I could remember, because I looked at someone's tweet about it or Instagram about it, and they were saying, finally, you're admitting what you really do.
01:55:05.000 Finally, you're admitting that your rage journalistic instincts are showing.
01:55:09.000 Oh, yeah, right.
01:55:10.000 It's rage journalism, you know?
01:55:13.000 They've been open like that for a while, I feel like.
01:55:16.000 We need somewhere that's going to give us the information, just clear, 100% dedicated to factual information, without any political bend at all.
01:55:26.000 No one's doing that.
01:55:27.000 Somebody will be like, it's not possible, so it might as well be my politics.
01:55:31.000 It's got to be possible.
01:55:32.000 It used to be possible.
01:55:33.000 Yeah.
01:55:34.000 It's got to be possible to just read the news.
01:55:37.000 Because if you look at every...
01:55:39.000 There's got to be some things...
01:55:40.000 Whoever does that will start getting views and...
01:55:43.000 You know what I mean?
01:55:43.000 Somebody who fills that niche, it will be successful.
01:55:47.000 Because there's going to be people who should be able to report on... 0.99
01:55:51.000 Maybe dumb shit that Trump tweets and also report on the really important things that are happening that are good for the economy. 0.99
01:55:59.000 They should just stop reporting on Trump's tweets. 1.00
01:56:02.000 Just try it. 1.00
01:56:03.000 Just fucking try it for a minute. 1.00
01:56:05.000 You're playing right into his hand, first off. 1.00
01:56:07.000 It's like annihilation.
01:56:09.000 Look what he said.
01:56:10.000 And then, while they do that, he gets a judge in or something.
01:56:15.000 He does that all the time.
01:56:16.000 It's very savvy, dude.
01:56:18.000 Oh, he's very savvy in a lot of ways.
01:56:19.000 It's like the fake, not sophisticated language that he uses.
01:56:24.000 It's almost like he uses that to kind of throw you off the trail.
01:56:27.000 Unlike Don King with crazy hair, he's got his own crazy hair.
01:56:31.000 It's almost like in some ways it throws you off the trail.
01:56:32.000 There's something about crazy hair that really...
01:56:35.000 It throws you off the trail.
01:56:39.000 There's no newspaper or no thing that I subscribe to where I don't get at least some political bias one way or the other.
01:56:48.000 You know what?
01:56:49.000 Just clearly mark the stuff that's editorial or this is not news.
01:56:53.000 Just mark it as that.
01:56:54.000 There has to be.
01:56:55.000 And have news.
01:56:56.000 And then the news, you save one for the part that it goes.
01:56:59.000 Everybody just do their job. 0.92
01:57:01.000 You don't have to fucking, to the Daily Show, I blame a lot of this on the Daily Show, not because it was bad, a whole bunch of people, that became news for them. 0.98
01:57:10.000 Right. 0.99
01:57:11.000 And so then all the other ones were like, why don't we have a Daily Show, but more news than comedy.
01:57:17.000 That's so true.
01:57:18.000 People, it's terrible.
01:57:20.000 It's terrible.
01:57:20.000 That's such a good point that I never even considered.
01:57:23.000 I mean, I didn't make it up.
01:57:24.000 Somebody must have said it.
01:57:25.000 I'm sure.
01:57:26.000 Someone said it, but it's a great point.
01:57:28.000 It's right.
01:57:29.000 That's news for a lot of kids.
01:57:31.000 Like college kids, they're barely paying attention.
01:57:33.000 They're flipping through Comedy Central and Jon Stewart's in there telling them what's going on in a hilarious way, in a hilarious way.
01:57:39.000 Dude, Trevor Noah want, like, that's a different generation because I would just be like, why is it?
01:57:43.000 By the way, I know him.
01:57:45.000 I met him before.
01:57:45.000 Like, I like him.
01:57:46.000 But I'm just like, why do you have some guy that shows not an American?
01:57:52.000 What is with a guy with a foreign accent here?
01:57:54.000 It's beautiful.
01:57:55.000 All these shows that are like the American, it's always someone not from here. 1.00
01:58:00.000 That's interesting.
01:58:01.000 Like John Oliver.
01:58:02.000 Same thing.
01:58:03.000 And I even like him.
01:58:04.000 I like him a lot.
01:58:05.000 He's hilarious. 0.98
01:58:05.000 They seem to have a fucking, what do you call it? 0.98
01:58:09.000 I don't have that kind of feeling of like... 0.99
01:58:13.000 I always have a level of that. 1.00
01:58:15.000 Like, who the fuck are you? 1.00
01:58:16.000 Right. 0.99
01:58:17.000 Like, I can't imagine going to England and doing a political show about their politics.
01:58:21.000 That's true.
01:58:22.000 I can't even fathom that.
01:58:23.000 That is kind of funny.
01:58:25.000 So, that's just like a thing that...
01:58:28.000 This is the only country I think you could probably do it.
01:58:32.000 No, didn't Tom Rhodes do it?
01:58:34.000 Holland?
01:58:36.000 Yeah.
01:58:36.000 He had a show in Holland that wasn't even the Tom Rhodes show.
01:58:39.000 He had to play a character.
01:58:41.000 The character was a talk show host.
01:58:43.000 He couldn't just be a talk show host?
01:58:46.000 No, no, no.
01:58:46.000 So instead of Tom Rhodes, he'd be like, I'm Pete McGillicuddy.
01:58:50.000 But then it's a talk show.
01:58:52.000 It was like the Pete McGillicuddy show starring Tom Rhodes or something like that.
01:58:56.000 Not Pete McGillicuddy.
01:58:57.000 What was the name of it?
01:58:58.000 Kevin Masters.
01:58:58.000 That's right.
01:58:59.000 Kevin Masters show starring Tom Rhodes.
01:59:01.000 It wasn't like a sitcom though, right?
01:59:03.000 No, but it was like a talk show host where, or a talk show rather, where he would play a guy that was different than him.
01:59:10.000 Named Kevin Masters.
01:59:11.000 I mean, did that what they did or did they just call it the Kevin Masters show and he would say, I'm Tom Rhodes?
01:59:16.000 I don't know.
01:59:17.000 Oh, is it like a joke?
01:59:18.000 I don't know.
01:59:19.000 It's a joke you could only pull off in Holland. 0.83
01:59:22.000 And when everybody's high on mushrooms and tired from going to the whorehouses. 1.00
01:59:27.000 Yeah, you're pretty much right.
01:59:29.000 Is that what it is?
01:59:30.000 Kevin Masters was a generic American name the producers used to fill in until they find an actual host.
01:59:34.000 Holland's a fascinating place, man.
01:59:37.000 It's a fascinating place because it was one of the first places where people go to get high.
01:59:40.000 I haven't either.
01:59:40.000 But it's also the place that produced some of the best kickboxers ever.
01:59:45.000 Why did I? I kind of knew that for some reason.
01:59:47.000 A shitload of them came out of Holland, man. 1.00
01:59:48.000 Holland is like the motherland for badass kickboxers.
01:59:53.000 Like, when you hear about a kickboxer, you hear about him from Holland, it's like hearing about a jiu-jitsu black belt who's from Brazil.
01:59:57.000 You're like, whoa!
01:59:59.000 Like, Holland has...
02:00:00.000 Yeah, why is that?
02:00:01.000 Dude, they're animals, man.
02:00:02.000 Doesn't Belgium have a lot of, like, Van Damme kind of people, too?
02:00:04.000 I'm sure they do.
02:00:05.000 I don't know anything about Belgium, but I do know a lot about Holland.
02:00:08.000 A guy in a horizontal striped shirt?
02:00:09.000 Right.
02:00:10.000 They can do flips and...
02:00:12.000 With black and white checkered vans on.
02:00:19.000 Yeah, Holland has also really large people.
02:00:23.000 I think the average height for a man is six feet tall.
02:00:26.000 Is that right?
02:00:26.000 Yeah, women are really big there, too.
02:00:28.000 They have a bunch of great heavyweight kickboxing champions, like Peter Ertz.
02:00:33.000 He came out of Holland.
02:00:35.000 There's so many of them.
02:00:36.000 Ernesto Hust.
02:00:37.000 Ernesto Hust is one of the most brilliant and beautiful technicians of all time.
02:00:43.000 He came out of Holland.
02:00:44.000 Is kickboxing, that and jiu-jitsu, is that the two in MMA? Is that like the things everybody basically just have to know?
02:00:54.000 Yeah, you have to know wrestling, too.
02:00:57.000 But wrestlers have to know submissions as well.
02:01:00.000 And everybody has to know stand-up because you're standing up.
02:01:03.000 But it depends.
02:01:04.000 There's a few guys.
02:01:05.000 Is it like stand-up comedy?
02:01:06.000 No, no.
02:01:08.000 Everyone has to do stand-up.
02:01:11.000 Two different types of stand-up.
02:01:12.000 When you say stand-up, you mean striking.
02:01:14.000 I got my judo, and I got a spot at the store.
02:01:17.000 That's hilarious.
02:01:18.000 I didn't even think about it that way.
02:01:20.000 In my mind, I have two different types of stand-up that I don't even...
02:01:23.000 I just say it.
02:01:24.000 You gotta work on your stand-up.
02:01:26.000 People do say that.
02:01:28.000 You gotta work on your stand-up.
02:01:30.000 Isn't that funny? 1.00
02:01:31.000 Holy shit. 1.00
02:01:32.000 It's striking. 0.99
02:01:32.000 You gotta work on your striking. 0.99
02:01:33.000 Oh, striking, that's right.
02:01:34.000 Yeah, that's what it means.
02:01:35.000 But it basically means stuff that you do on your feet.
02:01:37.000 He's been working a lot on his stand-up.
02:01:40.000 I remember seeing it on a Star Trek episode or any kind of sci-fi where they're trying the martial arts of the future.
02:01:48.000 This martial art is the culmination of all.
02:01:51.000 And they did it on Star Trek.
02:01:53.000 This is their future martial arts.
02:01:54.000 It's nothing like MMA. I don't remember that at all.
02:01:56.000 It's ridiculous. 0.97
02:01:58.000 It was like a ridiculous high-kicking... 0.98
02:02:00.000 Well, that's where Bruce Lee was brilliant. 0.94
02:02:03.000 Bruce Lee kind of figured it out.
02:02:05.000 Bruce Lee, in a lot of his movies, sort of depicted mixed martial arts fights.
02:02:11.000 Do you think in real life that Bruce Lee could beat Brad Pitt?
02:02:14.000 Yeah.
02:02:16.000 I don't think he would have fought anybody, man.
02:02:18.000 Not like that.
02:02:19.000 If you get back to that story about Quentin Tarantino's depiction of him, I don't think he would have done that.
02:02:24.000 I don't think he would have behaved like that.
02:02:26.000 He wasn't a buffoon.
02:02:27.000 He was a tough guy.
02:02:30.000 I'm sure he was very confident.
02:02:32.000 When you read the things that he wrote and when you see the interviews that he gave where he talks about things, he was a very deep thinker.
02:02:39.000 He wasn't a buffoon.
02:02:41.000 He would talk about things in a very profound way.
02:02:44.000 I didn't like how they portrayed Charles Manson either in that movie.
02:02:49.000 Dude, you gotta read this.
02:02:51.000 You gotta read this book.
02:02:52.000 You can't even get it right now.
02:02:54.000 It's Tom O'Neil's Chaos, Charles Manson, the CIA, and the Secret History of the 60s.
02:03:00.000 I listened to the audio version of it. 0.96
02:03:02.000 He gave me this, but the fucking podcast I did with him blew my mind. 0.98
02:03:06.000 Oh, really? 0.99
02:03:07.000 Yeah, these things are crazy.
02:03:09.000 But this one, this one's even more crazy because it's all about these psychiatrists that were experimenting on hippies with acid. 0.99
02:03:17.000 Isn't that why the Unabomber fucking... 1.00
02:03:19.000 Yes. 0.99
02:03:19.000 Because they did a hippie experiment on him when he was like a teenager. 0.99
02:03:23.000 He was part of the Harvard LSD studies.
02:03:25.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:03:26.000 That's fucking crazy, dude. 1.00
02:03:27.000 Dude, they did it to a lot of people. 0.99
02:03:28.000 That's what this book ultimately turned out to be about.
02:03:32.000 Tom O'Neil wrote this over 20 years.
02:03:34.000 It took 20 years for him to put all this together.
02:03:36.000 He started as a small story.
02:03:38.000 I think it was like a 5,000 word story for Vanity Fair.
02:03:41.000 Or no, Premiere.
02:03:42.000 Premiere Magazine.
02:03:43.000 And that magazine eventually went under.
02:03:45.000 And then he got a book deal and he missed a deadline.
02:03:48.000 Because he kept diving deeper and deeper into MKUltra and CIA. Yeah, dude.
02:03:52.000 Oh, it's crazy.
02:03:53.000 Did, uh...
02:03:54.000 This book is a mind blower because it's all factual.
02:03:58.000 He's got 60 pages of references and citations at the back of it.
02:04:02.000 I will totally listen to this book since I can't get it.
02:04:05.000 They sold out.
02:04:08.000 They didn't prepare.
02:04:09.000 Have you ever read the manifesto, the Unabomber manifesto?
02:04:12.000 No, I didn't.
02:04:12.000 It's crazy how...
02:04:14.000 How almost reasonable it sounds.
02:04:17.000 Like technology is going to be a problem.
02:04:19.000 It's very weird.
02:04:20.000 I don't see the connection of where he blew these people up.
02:04:23.000 The point you all agree with, but they're so rational, it sounds like he came from the future and he had to make those bombs.
02:04:31.000 I bet that's what he thought.
02:04:32.000 It reads like that.
02:04:34.000 It's wild, dude.
02:04:35.000 There's a guy named Jolly West that's a part of these MKUltra experiments, and he's connected to the Manson family and all these other different people.
02:04:43.000 But why the Manson family?
02:04:45.000 Because Charles Manson was a guy that, for sure, they gave him acid in prison.
02:04:50.000 At least the way they're describing the possibility, he was even talking about certain doctors, and he has the last name, the doctor is the last name, but the doctor is a part of this program, and doctors that treated him while he's in prison, and he comes out of prison, and there's evidence that he gets released over and over and over again every time he violates parole.
02:05:08.000 Someone on high wants him out on the streets, and he's got a large supply of acid, and he's got very sophisticated techniques that he's utilizing that he learned in jail.
02:05:18.000 Sophisticated techniques of how to brainwash hippies on acid. 1.00
02:05:22.000 Get them to fuck each other. 1.00
02:05:23.000 By the way, if you're just a very manipulative criminal, you can figure out how to manipulate hippies on acid. 1.00
02:05:31.000 You certainly can. 0.97
02:05:32.000 You don't need training for that.
02:05:33.000 But we're talking about within two years, he's got to murder in people.
02:05:36.000 I think the pimp lessons he learned helped him do that.
02:05:39.000 The disassociation with reality through LSD, through constant trips, daily trips, he got so much acid for brainwashing.
02:05:49.000 I'm just saying, I'm sure he did that.
02:05:51.000 I don't know that he did it for the CIA. I could easily see him, for his own reasons, brainwashing people with that acid.
02:05:57.000 Let me clarify.
02:05:58.000 When I say he was a part of a CIA experiment, I don't mean he did what he did for the CIA. What I mean is they let him do what he was doing and they encouraged him and helped him and gave him drugs.
02:06:11.000 That's like the story of...
02:06:12.000 Yes.
02:06:12.000 That's very believable.
02:06:13.000 If you're letting this guy keep getting released every time he robs a car or someone's house or when you think he's going to somehow or another be locked up and you want him out on the street doing this thing.
02:06:25.000 And they were trying to discredit the hippie movement and the anti-war movement back there.
02:06:29.000 And that's part of the way they did it.
02:06:31.000 They infiltrated these groups in one way or another.
02:06:33.000 And one of them would be to take a guy like him.
02:06:36.000 Yeah, like the old Mary Hill boat lift when they dropped a...
02:06:40.000 Cuba emptied their prisons into America. 1.00
02:06:42.000 Yeah, fuck you. 1.00
02:06:44.000 Yeah, that's a... 1.00
02:06:45.000 Yeah.
02:06:46.000 Well, that's a pretty well-known thing, the thing about the drugs.
02:06:48.000 Like, well, it was just, you know...
02:06:50.000 Yeah, it's a pretty well-known thing.
02:06:51.000 It'll weed out the weak elements of society and we'll get a lot of information.
02:06:55.000 Well, it's also, they didn't exactly know what would happen when you dose people up with acid back then.
02:06:59.000 There was a lot of experiments.
02:07:00.000 We got a lot of great info from that Nazi guy, and it's not so easy to get those... 0.75
02:07:05.000 I'm sure the Nazis were a part of those programs too, right? 0.92
02:07:09.000 I mean, when they start doing that. 0.98
02:07:11.000 That Japanese guy who's like worse than fucking Mengele, I can't remember what it's called. 1.00
02:07:17.000 It's so crazy the shit this guy did to people. 1.00
02:07:19.000 And they wanted to know what he learned from his human medical experiments. 1.00
02:07:25.000 So they let him off.
02:07:26.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
02:07:27.000 I wish I remember the name of it.
02:07:29.000 It's a Japanese... 1.00
02:07:30.000 But it's mostly done to Chinese prisoners.
02:07:34.000 But, like, you know, cold and pressure and all... 0.99
02:07:37.000 Like, it's fucking grisly, dude. 0.98
02:07:40.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:07:40.000 And it's just... 0.99
02:07:41.000 He did so many amoral, like, experiments.
02:07:45.000 There's knowledge that helped humanity that they got...
02:07:49.000 Same reason we can go put that great cold in the record in space.
02:07:53.000 These people have useful knowledge.
02:07:55.000 Yeah, isn't that crazy?
02:07:57.000 So, educate yourself if that's...
02:08:00.000 They're like, look, it's more important that you tell us how many pounds of pressure it takes to crush a little kid's head Yeah, we did not know that, officially.
02:08:08.000 Yeah, officially.
02:08:09.000 Tell us what you got.
02:08:11.000 Jesus Christ, just let him go.
02:08:13.000 Imagine being that guy who killed, like, hundreds of people and they just let you go.
02:08:19.000 Imagine you, like, eating ice cream at a diner. 1.00
02:08:22.000 Just fucking sitting by yourself. 0.99
02:08:24.000 I doubt you have to eat either. 1.00
02:08:25.000 Drinking a cup of coffee, eating ice cream.
02:08:27.000 Nobody even knows.
02:08:28.000 And you're like, thank you, I'd like one more, please.
02:08:30.000 Didn't they have that, uh, oh, here it is, Shiro Ishii, that's the guy.
02:08:33.000 That's the guy.
02:08:34.000 Jesus Christ.
02:08:36.000 He led in development and application of biological weapons at Unit 731. And how do you say that word?
02:08:43.000 Manchukuo?
02:08:46.000 Manchukuo?
02:08:47.000 How do you say that?
02:08:48.000 Manchukuo?
02:08:49.000 The U and the O together?
02:08:51.000 How do you say that?
02:08:52.000 Probably just sneeze it, basically.
02:08:54.000 Manchukuo.
02:08:55.000 Manchukuo.
02:08:58.000 Anyway, however we say it, during the Second Sino-Japanese War from 1937 to 1945, including the bubonic plague attacks on Chinese cities, oh my god, and the planned attack against the United States.
02:09:15.000 In Operation Cherry Blossoms. 0.99
02:09:17.000 Holy fuck, man. 1.00
02:09:18.000 Oh, isn't that the one where they would send the balloons across the country? 1.00
02:09:22.000 Yeah, it didn't.
02:09:23.000 Yeah, it didn't work.
02:09:24.000 Or they'd use bats or something.
02:09:25.000 What were they going to do with the Operation Cherry Blossoms at night?
02:09:29.000 Imagine just like, this is my plan.
02:09:33.000 Operation Cherry Blossoms at night.
02:09:35.000 Bio-warfare.
02:09:36.000 They're gonna drop the blind plague, color of smallpox.
02:09:40.000 Oh my god.
02:09:41.000 Oh my god.
02:09:42.000 So they were gonna do that to America in balloons?
02:09:45.000 Is that what they're gonna do?
02:09:47.000 And to come at us through our most vulnerable way, our love of balloons?
02:09:53.000 Yeah, no one would ever want them.
02:09:55.000 Who would resist? 1.00
02:09:55.000 Isn't that a fucking song? 1.00
02:09:57.000 99 red balloons go by. 1.00
02:09:59.000 That was about Shiro Ishii, 99 Luftballons.
02:10:03.000 That was a big song when I was in high school.
02:10:07.000 Yeah.
02:10:08.000 The girl was cute. 1.00
02:10:09.000 Yeah.
02:10:09.000 Okay, these killed six American civilians near Bly, Oregon.
02:10:13.000 I thought they didn't kill anyone.
02:10:14.000 Crashed into a farm in Medford, Oregon, and caused a short circuit on the power lines supplying electricity for the nuclear reactor.
02:10:23.000 Cooling pumps in the Manhattan Project's production facility. 0.99
02:10:26.000 Holy shit, dude. 0.99
02:10:28.000 Did you know that? 1.00
02:10:29.000 What were they dropping on him?
02:10:30.000 They had balloons with bombs attached to him.
02:10:33.000 But was it supposed to be with plague or something?
02:10:35.000 Well, I don't know.
02:10:35.000 Jamie said that was part of it.
02:10:37.000 But what I did hear on...
02:10:39.000 There was an episode they did about this on one of my favorite podcasts, which is...
02:10:43.000 Radio Lab.
02:10:44.000 Radio Lab did a whole series or a whole episode, rather, about these balloons that people would find, these non-detonated balloons.
02:10:52.000 And I think people accidentally blew themselves up a couple of times.
02:10:56.000 Wow.
02:10:56.000 Yeah.
02:10:56.000 I think people found them and then they found out after the war about the project.
02:11:02.000 But I think a bunch of them made it here.
02:11:04.000 And some of them went off and some of them didn't go off.
02:11:06.000 It says contaminated fleas.
02:11:09.000 They were dropping contaminated fleas.
02:11:12.000 Oh my god.
02:11:12.000 That's so dark.
02:11:15.000 Jesus Christ.
02:11:16.000 I'm so glad we're friends with Japan now.
02:11:19.000 That's such a dark move.
02:11:21.000 In China, all the bad guys, I'd watch the local TV, so everything is about a mean Japanese general and a brave Chinese.
02:11:31.000 Really?
02:11:32.000 Yeah.
02:11:33.000 Oh, my God. 0.97
02:11:33.000 Nazis are a pop culture. 0.97
02:11:39.000 Go to, like, we always use as a villain. 0.54
02:11:42.000 Japan is that, too.
02:11:43.000 China.
02:11:44.000 Well, you and I had this conversation about, you don't have to say a person's name, but someone saying, why isn't it okay to punch Nazis?
02:11:53.000 Like, you know that conversation?
02:11:55.000 Yeah, right, right.
02:11:55.000 I've had that same conversation with people.
02:11:57.000 And you and I were both like, yeah. 0.97
02:11:59.000 By all means, punch a Nazi, but I want to just see your Nazi detector. 0.98
02:12:03.000 Yes, exactly. 0.99
02:12:03.000 When you're Nazi-dowsing to find these Nazis, I can't just go off your word like, no, I'll handle it. 0.99
02:12:10.000 Dude, I read someone calling Ben Shapiro a Nazi.
02:12:14.000 There's a guy, I think maybe you were going to have him on, but I like him. 0.98
02:12:17.000 He's a guy on YouTube that reviews comic books that he fucking got... 0.93
02:12:20.000 It's crazy what they did to him. 0.98
02:12:23.000 Oh, I've heard the story.
02:12:24.000 I've heard the story.
02:12:25.000 What is it called?
02:12:26.000 Something Comics?
02:12:26.000 What is it?
02:12:28.000 It's called...
02:12:29.000 It's called...
02:12:32.000 I don't know.
02:12:33.000 His name's your boy Zack.
02:12:34.000 I forget.
02:12:36.000 What is his...
02:12:38.000 Comics Matter is what your boy Zack is the name of the channel.
02:12:41.000 And so what happened with him?
02:12:42.000 What was the story?
02:12:44.000 He made him into like some kind of... 0.95
02:12:45.000 He was crazy. 0.98
02:12:46.000 He made him into some kind of Nazi. 0.98
02:12:47.000 I mean, he's the most reasonable.
02:12:49.000 The reviews are so utterly reasonable.
02:12:51.000 Okay?
02:12:52.000 Where...
02:12:53.000 And by the way, guy gives credit to people when he thinks they're good.
02:12:57.000 Like, there's nothing...
02:12:57.000 If you actually looked at what he said, there's nothing there at all.
02:13:01.000 But because he mocks the dumb shit they do in comics now, they made him... 1.00
02:13:05.000 They're like, he's a white nationalist. 1.00
02:13:07.000 He has a lawsuit because they did that to him.
02:13:10.000 Injecting social justice warrior credos into comic books now, right?
02:13:15.000 Well, there's a little power.
02:13:16.000 There's a little fiefdom of Portland weirdos that, I guess, run comics now.
02:13:21.000 I didn't know this.
02:13:22.000 Fiefdom of Portland weirdos is the best description.
02:13:24.000 Besides blame the Daily Show, I blame Portlandia for the other half of problems, just so you know. 0.99
02:13:30.000 Before you guys fucking unleash Cthulhu out of there. 0.99
02:13:35.000 Oh, we're going to have some laughs and fucking... 1.00
02:13:37.000 Dude, that's so true. 1.00
02:13:40.000 They are the...
02:13:41.000 That is the liberal epicenter.
02:13:43.000 That's Mecca.
02:13:44.000 Like, the comedy store is Mecca for comics.
02:13:45.000 That's Mecca for social justice warriors. 1.00
02:13:47.000 And it's like in a really annoying...
02:13:49.000 Like, I didn't know...
02:13:50.000 I did a comedy show at Stonewall one time in...
02:13:54.000 You know, Stonewall, like the historic, like where the gays fought the cops in the village.
02:13:57.000 Where is that?
02:13:58.000 In New York.
02:13:58.000 Okay.
02:13:59.000 And I thought it was going to be a good show because, you know, this is back in the days of, you know, where Joan Rivers was like a gay icon.
02:14:06.000 You know, like...
02:14:07.000 Right.
02:14:07.000 So I assumed it would be a great crowd.
02:14:08.000 It was awful.
02:14:09.000 Really?
02:14:10.000 Yeah, and the guy who was combing my hair was like, no, dude, you don't go... 0.99
02:14:12.000 That's not where like cool gays are at fucking Stonewall. 1.00
02:14:15.000 That's like some dipshit... 1.00
02:14:17.000 Living out their worst fantasy of being gay. 1.00
02:14:20.000 So I didn't even realize. 0.98
02:14:21.000 It's like going to Hate Street in San Francisco.
02:14:23.000 Oh, today. 1.00
02:14:24.000 Yeah, you're like, jerk off. 1.00
02:14:26.000 It's not 67, fuckface. 1.00
02:14:28.000 Yes. 0.99
02:14:29.000 So I think there's a lot of that setting in.
02:14:31.000 Right.
02:14:32.000 They're trying to bring it back.
02:14:33.000 Yeah.
02:14:34.000 Ugh. 0.92
02:14:36.000 Yeah, anytime there's a place where hippies, it's like, that's a fire. 0.94
02:14:40.000 I miss hippies.
02:14:41.000 Okay, it'll burn out.
02:14:42.000 Hippies were a lot more fun. 0.99
02:14:45.000 Right, but they burn out.
02:14:47.000 It burns.
02:14:48.000 It's like there's no fuel there.
02:14:49.000 It eventually...
02:14:50.000 It goes away.
02:14:51.000 The kind of new-ish thing to me of that is the Twitter, like, certain groups just got marketed to based on lazy following, like, ooh, what does Twitter say?
02:15:03.000 Like, that should never be an article anymore.
02:15:04.000 Like, Twitter is saying, that should never be a thing I need to know about, ever.
02:15:08.000 Well, that's what we're, yeah. 0.98
02:15:09.000 So that got catered to so much, it created a bubble around people that's fucking crazy, and they're getting fed it still just to sell them products, and this virus is gonna fucking pop that bubble. 0.99
02:15:23.000 It's like bad real estate right now, being a fucking, being woke. 0.99
02:15:27.000 There's a real estate market that is gonna... 1.00
02:15:29.000 Being upset about stupid shit when real shit's going down is always out of fashion. 1.00
02:15:32.000 Yeah, the value's way down. 1.00
02:15:34.000 Yeah, it's out of fashion.
02:15:35.000 Well, that's where it came from in the first place.
02:15:37.000 It came from not enough real problems.
02:15:39.000 Yeah.
02:15:40.000 That's right.
02:15:41.000 I don't think it's the end of the world.
02:15:42.000 And it also came from people.
02:15:42.000 No.
02:15:45.000 Same thing.
02:15:45.000 I never could get emotional about who's president.
02:15:48.000 I was in a Doomsday cult, dude. 0.97
02:15:50.000 I thought I was going to kill all of you by now, was how I absolutely thought. 0.65
02:15:57.000 Any minute now, so people think that's the end of the world. 0.99
02:16:02.000 They say that, but...
02:16:03.000 Have you ever seen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt?
02:16:05.000 Yeah, I like that show.
02:16:06.000 That's a funny show.
02:16:07.000 Do you really?
02:16:09.000 Yeah, the first episode of that?
02:16:11.000 I mean, I didn't live underground with Jon Hamm, but certainly that mindset, yeah. 0.99
02:16:18.000 It's a funny fucking show. 0.95
02:16:19.000 It's just communal reinforcement keeps you in things. 0.98
02:16:21.000 And also, the people around me were nice.
02:16:25.000 I'm not bitter about it.
02:16:26.000 It's just like, I can't ever be, or don't stumble your brother.
02:16:32.000 It's not any kind of courage or anything.
02:16:34.000 I'm compulsive.
02:16:35.000 Well, for a guy like you, it's always important for a guy like you to talk about it.
02:16:40.000 Especially a guy like you, who's all the way out and is now a comic.
02:16:43.000 Because people need to understand that it's a trap that you can get sucked into.
02:16:48.000 It's like a pattern of behavior and thinking, and you get this confirmation from all the people that you're around.
02:16:55.000 Everybody's doing the same thing.
02:16:56.000 We all could get sucked into it.
02:16:57.000 I think I'm only less susceptible to that now just because of growing up in that.
02:17:04.000 So because it's such an obsessive thing to me, I'm more likely to see it where it's not than not see it.
02:17:10.000 But some people are not going to understand that.
02:17:14.000 If you didn't grow up in a religion where you had to do it, you have no idea.
02:17:20.000 You don't understand religious people. 0.61
02:17:22.000 And it shocks me at the level that people don't understand religion.
02:17:25.000 It's almost like we need another word.
02:17:27.000 For what?
02:17:27.000 Because you know what you're saying that social justice warrior behavior, in a lot of ways, it gets very religious.
02:17:32.000 Yeah.
02:17:33.000 And it gets religious also for Republican conservative type of behavior.
02:17:37.000 That gets very religious, too.
02:17:39.000 I can tell you a religion when it becomes called woke.
02:17:43.000 That sounds like a religion.
02:17:45.000 Anything that you get devoted to, where you said it, that team thing, like, well, we got to stay on the team.
02:17:52.000 Have you ever had a conversation, like, here's an example, with a right-wing person who doesn't believe in climate change?
02:17:57.000 Yeah, I used to always argue with Nick...
02:17:59.000 DePaulo?
02:18:02.000 Yeah, when we were doing...
02:18:04.000 He doesn't believe in climate change?
02:18:05.000 Come on.
02:18:05.000 No, not about that, but DePaulo is always like, we'd be on that lucky...
02:18:09.000 What was the Hulu thing that Louie had? 0.92
02:18:11.000 Jeez, I'm so fucking high. 0.97
02:18:12.000 Louie. 0.99
02:18:14.000 Horse and Pete.
02:18:15.000 Oh, oh, oh.
02:18:16.000 So Nick, he's awesome to hang out with waiting to shoot something.
02:18:20.000 He was awesome. 0.99
02:18:22.000 But arguing about political shit, he gets like... 0.99
02:18:24.000 He gets heated. 0.99
02:18:25.000 And he's like, what do you, love Obama?
02:18:28.000 It immediately goes to that.
02:18:31.000 But yeah, but you know, I like him.
02:18:35.000 I think I wouldn't want him not to say what he thinks.
02:18:39.000 What'd he say?
02:18:41.000 I don't know something about Obama. 1.00
02:18:43.000 I don't know, some stupid guinea pig. 1.00
02:18:46.000 You should be able to say whatever you want to say. 1.00
02:18:49.000 I have no issues engaging people like that.
02:18:52.000 I'm used to knocking on strangers' doors.
02:18:53.000 So nobody wanting to talk about their thing threatens me in any way.
02:18:58.000 Like, proselytizing does not bother me.
02:19:01.000 It would bother me if I'm not allowed to hear it.
02:19:05.000 Because I don't need someone to tell me what I can...
02:19:07.000 Do you think there's less examples of that on the right than there are on the left?
02:19:10.000 Of people with sort of compulsive speech?
02:19:15.000 I think that the people that whoever needs to worry about are all the people that aren't too far to one or the other.
02:19:22.000 Right.
02:19:23.000 I agree. 0.99
02:19:25.000 There's every degree, every goddamn thing. 0.99
02:19:28.000 There can't just be two parties, which is the good one and then the immoral, evil ones. 0.99
02:19:34.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:19:35.000 It's ridiculous. 0.99
02:19:36.000 That's crazy. 1.00
02:19:37.000 By the way, 68 fucking genders and only two sides of politics. 1.00
02:19:43.000 That's fucking incredible. 0.99
02:19:45.000 It's so true. 0.99
02:19:46.000 It's so true. 0.84
02:19:48.000 Yeah, so that's what happened to that guy, your boy Zack. 1.00
02:19:52.000 He got fucking, you're with us or you're a Nazi. 1.00
02:19:55.000 Yeah, that's the problem. 1.00
02:19:56.000 They want compliance.
02:19:57.000 It's a game.
02:19:58.000 It's not just people that have an ideology and some people agree with it and some people don't.
02:20:03.000 It's a game of compliance.
02:20:04.000 Wait, did you see the New Mutants thing?
02:20:09.000 Mutants?
02:20:09.000 The New Mutants, the Marvel?
02:20:12.000 No.
02:20:13.000 Dude, Marvel's reboot of the New Mutants.
02:20:16.000 Yeah.
02:20:16.000 You said it earlier, the new comics that they're making, remember?
02:20:19.000 Right, but what is the new Mutants?
02:20:21.000 Not that, it's not, it's, what is it called?
02:20:23.000 Did you mean the TV show, the new Mutants?
02:20:24.000 Not the new, I'm sorry, not the new Mutants, the new Warriors.
02:20:28.000 Have you seen the most, the most woke?
02:20:30.000 No.
02:20:31.000 What is this?
02:20:31.000 You're going to think it's a joke.
02:20:33.000 Really?
02:20:33.000 Yeah, so this is the kind of thing he would be laughing at, okay?
02:20:36.000 Because I haven't read comics since I was a kid.
02:20:40.000 Yeah, I like comic book movies.
02:20:42.000 Everybody likes the movies, but it should be easier than ever to give kids the comics.
02:20:47.000 Okay, what is this?
02:20:49.000 Okay, we have talked about this.
02:20:50.000 Snowflake and Safe Space.
02:20:52.000 So this is some kind of trolling, but basically they've been doing this in comics for the last...
02:20:57.000 It's like a nerdy...
02:20:58.000 Here's what happened. 0.96
02:20:59.000 Comics and Star Wars and all that shit was nerdy guys that don't get laid stuff at one point. 0.97
02:21:05.000 And then it became kind of cool to be a nerd. 0.98
02:21:08.000 And then it became a hot property.
02:21:09.000 And so then it got claimed by...
02:21:11.000 The Cthulhu Portland thing?
02:21:14.000 That's what comes of it.
02:21:15.000 This.
02:21:16.000 Unironically.
02:21:17.000 Look how unironically they swapped the gender colors. 0.98
02:21:21.000 Blue and pink. 1.00
02:21:22.000 Yeah, people that are fucking... 0.99
02:21:24.000 I don't even know... 0.99
02:21:27.000 Whose jurisdiction this is?
02:21:28.000 But people were mad at this.
02:21:29.000 The people they were trying to pander to were like, I don't dress like this.
02:21:33.000 You better not. 0.99
02:21:35.000 It's ridiculous. 0.98
02:21:36.000 If you dress like that, even people that don't want to make fun of you will start making fun of you. 0.99
02:21:40.000 Well, it just looks like I would give up.
02:21:42.000 I'm like, I can't mock you better than you're doing yourself.
02:21:46.000 Like, what?
02:21:46.000 Okay.
02:21:47.000 I mean, if I was like, hey, why don't you make fun of the stupidest woke comic you could think of, that would be my character. 0.99
02:21:54.000 Bro, her bulge is bigger than his bulge, too. 0.99
02:21:56.000 Have you noticed that?
02:21:57.000 Well, how do you know that's the woman? 0.75
02:21:59.000 Well, I'm assuming the one that's in the blue with the hips like a woman is the woman, and the one that's built like a man, I'm assuming that's a man. 0.79
02:22:05.000 It's a trick question.
02:22:06.000 Neither of them are a woman. 1.00
02:22:07.000 She's got a bigger dick. 1.00
02:22:08.000 It's a trick question. 1.00
02:22:10.000 The answer is, you're a piece of shit. 1.00
02:22:12.000 You fucking pig. 1.00
02:22:13.000 You cisgendered ass fuck. 1.00
02:22:17.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:22:19.000 Oh, wait.
02:22:19.000 Then here's...
02:22:20.000 Well, B negative isn't as funny as...
02:22:22.000 Oh, wait.
02:22:22.000 Where's the girl with the backpack?
02:22:23.000 That's the other one. 0.99
02:22:25.000 Oh, holy shit. 1.00
02:22:26.000 Screen time. 1.00
02:22:27.000 He has goggles over his eyes.
02:22:28.000 Because he was exposed to his grandfather's internet gas.
02:22:31.000 His grandfather's experimental.
02:22:33.000 Really? 1.00
02:22:35.000 She's fucking hot. 1.00
02:22:37.000 That's the old. 1.00
02:22:37.000 That's the old warriors. 1.00
02:22:39.000 Oh, those are the old ones?
02:22:40.000 Oh, those back in the good days. 1.00
02:22:42.000 Shit. 1.00
02:22:43.000 Where's the girl with the backpack? 1.00
02:22:44.000 I don't know.
02:22:45.000 Come on.
02:22:45.000 Go back up to the top.
02:22:46.000 This is boring.
02:22:47.000 This is the main...
02:22:48.000 Oh, no.
02:22:49.000 That's not a superhero.
02:22:49.000 What do you think her power is?
02:22:51.000 Her power is eating cake. 0.99
02:22:52.000 No.
02:22:53.000 What?
02:22:53.000 It's a magical backpack that has unlimited snacks.
02:22:56.000 No, I'm making that up.
02:22:57.000 She just has a magical backpack. 0.80
02:22:59.000 Oh, my God.
02:23:00.000 A pocket dimension with seemingly infinite space, which she could pull out useful or random objects.
02:23:07.000 Okay.
02:23:07.000 So look at the drawing.
02:23:08.000 It's not always under her control, though.
02:23:10.000 She claims to get her power from God, but not the God you're thinking of.
02:23:14.000 Jesus Christ, I can't do this.
02:23:16.000 But look at the drawing.
02:23:18.000 Let me see the drawing again.
02:23:19.000 Look her in the eyes while you say that.
02:23:21.000 She looks strong.
02:23:22.000 She can carry a lot of stuff on her back. 0.99
02:23:24.000 A magical backpack.
02:23:26.000 She eats too much.
02:23:27.000 You can't be a superhero when you eat too much.
02:23:29.000 It's like, you know how Wendy from Wendy's got real big when they showed her again?
02:23:33.000 This is like what happened to Dora the Explorer.
02:23:35.000 She got older and ballooned up.
02:23:39.000 I guess they want something that represents some people.
02:23:43.000 That's a luxury.
02:23:45.000 That's like when you have the luxury of being like...
02:23:47.000 Like Gillette...
02:23:49.000 Are you good enough to get Gillette?
02:23:52.000 As opposed to being like, please buy our thing.
02:23:54.000 We're beneath you. 1.00
02:23:55.000 We're a fucking razor company. 1.00
02:23:57.000 That's what this is. 1.00
02:23:58.000 Fuck you to the people that are into that shit, which you can only do in a good economy. 1.00
02:24:03.000 Like now, people better love your shit. 1.00
02:24:05.000 You don't get to just troll them. 1.00
02:24:06.000 Right.
02:24:07.000 Good point.
02:24:08.000 It's going to be harder to sell things.
02:24:10.000 Or troll me and make me laugh.
02:24:11.000 I will give it to that guy who made that up.
02:24:14.000 Right, well that's where the benefit of bad things actually comes in sometimes.
02:24:18.000 Like some of the best things are bad things that are good by accident.
02:24:22.000 Yeah, like what?
02:24:23.000 Like that The Room movie?
02:24:25.000 You see that movie?
02:24:26.000 Yeah, I used to introduce that movie in New York.
02:24:30.000 I did it for a promo thing for Comedy Central first, but then I'd never seen the movie, so I kept going back and hosting it.
02:24:37.000 And then we made a fake sequel to it.
02:24:39.000 This guy, George Glass, and he knew Tommy, so Tommy would leave me these long messages. 0.99
02:24:44.000 It's fucking... 1.00
02:24:45.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
02:24:46.000 That's how long ago this was.
02:24:47.000 And the guy who played...
02:24:49.000 Oh, hi, Mark.
02:24:50.000 Greg, his name is...
02:24:52.000 He wrote that book that they made in the movie. 0.99
02:24:54.000 That guy's cool as shit. 0.99
02:24:55.000 The guy who plays Mark? 0.99
02:24:56.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:24:58.000 But the other guy, the one who got a blowjob and he had like... 0.99
02:25:01.000 He goes, shiver me timbers or something. 0.99
02:25:04.000 Because he left me underwears in your...
02:25:07.000 Remember that guy? 1.00
02:25:08.000 And he gets a blowjob on... 1.00
02:25:10.000 What's his name? 1.00
02:25:12.000 Weezo's couch.
02:25:13.000 God, I don't remember that.
02:25:15.000 Yeah, I remember every character.
02:25:16.000 I saw it a bunch of times.
02:25:17.000 I don't think I've ever seen it all the way through.
02:25:19.000 Oh, dude.
02:25:20.000 I think I've only seen scenes.
02:25:22.000 I've never gone...
02:25:23.000 No, I never went to...
02:25:24.000 It has like...
02:25:26.000 Well, at the time, I don't know if it does now, but it had that Rocky Horror Picture Show kind of thing, which I never did that.
02:25:31.000 So at movie theaters, people would go and group watch it?
02:25:33.000 But this movie, group watching it, it feels like right to yell at it.
02:25:37.000 I swear to God.
02:25:38.000 I thought it was like a...
02:25:40.000 I'm like, I'm not going to get it.
02:25:41.000 Immediately, it was like, oh, I really understand this.
02:25:45.000 And people yell.
02:25:47.000 Sometimes they'll have a band playing and like...
02:25:49.000 Yeah, it was great. 0.98
02:25:50.000 It was fucking awesome. 0.90
02:25:51.000 But the Rocky Horror Picture Show, they do that because they actually like it. 0.97
02:25:55.000 Yeah, but...
02:25:56.000 This is a different vibe, right?
02:25:57.000 Yeah, it's very hard. 1.00
02:25:58.000 I mean, he's genuinely a fucking maniac. 1.00
02:26:02.000 And hard to deal with. 1.00
02:26:03.000 I had to have...
02:26:04.000 Dude, I had my girlfriend and another friend dress kind of like slutty and distract him so he wouldn't see the parody thing we made before we showed it. 0.84
02:26:12.000 And leave.
02:26:13.000 Look at the reviews.
02:26:17.000 Yeah.
02:26:18.000 But that, dude, nobody, listen, to make a thing that's watchably bad is like, that's a beautiful thing that can only rarely happen.
02:26:26.000 Yeah, it's interesting.
02:26:27.000 Like, The Room is so unfeasibly bad, it has become a cult hit.
02:26:33.000 Trust me, this is the worst movie you will ever see ever in your entire life, ever.
02:26:38.000 But it's like...
02:26:40.000 But it's amazing because it's real.
02:26:41.000 When they say worst, they have to be...
02:26:43.000 I mean, watchable where it's not boring.
02:26:46.000 That's the thing.
02:26:47.000 Right.
02:26:47.000 It's just not boring.
02:26:48.000 It's just crazy.
02:26:49.000 So I think that's like a real lightning in a bottle.
02:26:52.000 It's the worst movie because they're trying to make a good movie.
02:26:55.000 It's not the worst movie to watch.
02:26:58.000 I think it's the best to go to a theater of people.
02:27:02.000 The best?
02:27:03.000 The best?
02:27:04.000 People are shouting at the screen, because you have cancer.
02:27:08.000 The old lady with cancer. 0.74
02:27:10.000 It's such a crazy movie.
02:27:13.000 When did you see it?
02:27:16.000 I've only seen it on, I guess it was DVD at the time, and I only watched part of it, and then I had to shut it off.
02:27:22.000 I'm like, I can't do this.
02:27:23.000 I remember that.
02:27:24.000 I remember those billboards, Jamie.
02:27:26.000 When I lived here early in the Hollywood days, right after they made this movie, I would drive around and see that billboard.
02:27:32.000 It was up there forever.
02:27:34.000 Forever.
02:27:35.000 He had The Room, the movie.
02:27:37.000 And we were like, ah, theroommovie.com.
02:27:39.000 You'd drive by it.
02:27:40.000 Like, what year was that?
02:27:42.000 I'm trying to remember.
02:27:43.000 I might have made it up because I've seen this, but I feel like I've seen it in person.
02:27:48.000 Really?
02:27:49.000 He might have had it up.
02:27:50.000 He might have had it up still.
02:27:52.000 He had a billboard up forever.
02:27:54.000 Yeah.
02:27:55.000 What year was the movie made, though?
02:27:57.000 2003, it said.
02:27:58.000 What?!
02:27:59.000 How's that possible?
02:28:00.000 Well, I missed it.
02:28:02.000 I would have thought it was way earlier than that.
02:28:05.000 There's also multiple billboards.
02:28:06.000 There's one where it was coming soon.
02:28:07.000 How old is he?
02:28:08.000 Nobody knows.
02:28:09.000 I never saw the top one coming soon.
02:28:11.000 How old is he?
02:28:12.000 I don't know.
02:28:12.000 He looks like an older fella.
02:28:15.000 But there's a couple movies like that.
02:28:17.000 Like Showgirls is a movie like that.
02:28:19.000 I don't remember it.
02:28:21.000 I just vaguely remember it.
02:28:22.000 It's a good one.
02:28:24.000 Is that the end of Elizabeth Berkley after that?
02:28:29.000 It's hard to bounce back from some of those movies.
02:28:32.000 Because the movie is so bad or because it was, you know...
02:28:35.000 Who knows, man. 0.99
02:28:37.000 She went from Saved by the Bell to being a dirty girl. 1.00
02:28:41.000 So did Screech. 0.97
02:28:42.000 They brought back Saved by the Bell?
02:28:44.000 Yeah, Slater.
02:28:45.000 Look at this.
02:28:46.000 Wow.
02:28:46.000 Still looks good.
02:28:47.000 Looking good, freak.
02:28:49.000 They just made it.
02:28:50.000 Mario Lopez looking good.
02:28:52.000 Everybody's looking good.
02:28:53.000 So what are they coming back as the parents?
02:28:56.000 Yeah, like Zack is...
02:28:58.000 Back in the neighborhood?
02:28:58.000 I don't know.
02:28:58.000 There's a bunch of jokes referring to it and there's a bunch of new jokes about like iPads and blah blah blah.
02:29:02.000 Are they gonna let Screech back in?
02:29:04.000 I don't think so. 0.55
02:29:05.000 Screech was out there doing porn. 0.61
02:29:06.000 No, Screech is like...
02:29:06.000 I wrote a book about them.
02:29:07.000 I don't think that...
02:29:08.000 Oh, he was meaning the book, right?
02:29:09.000 Behind the bell or something?
02:29:10.000 Something like that.
02:29:11.000 Screech was doing stand-up.
02:29:13.000 There was Skippy from Family Ties.
02:29:15.000 Remember when he was doing stand-up?
02:29:16.000 Yes.
02:29:16.000 You know who lived with him?
02:29:18.000 Judah, Friedlander, was his roommate.
02:29:20.000 Oh, that's right.
02:29:21.000 Yeah, and he said Skippy would just be in his room.
02:29:24.000 He would smoke pot all day, and then he would come out and be like, did you eat my...
02:29:28.000 He goes, I'm going to have a sandwich, and I'm not going to touch it for a while, but I want that sandwich.
02:29:35.000 And he would always come out freaked out about missing a call to something.
02:29:38.000 What happened to him?
02:29:38.000 Does he still do stand-up now or no?
02:29:40.000 I don't know.
02:29:41.000 Now I'm Skippy with nuts?
02:29:43.000 I used to remember.
02:29:44.000 That was his thing?
02:29:44.000 Is that what it said?
02:29:46.000 He would go, yeah, like he's dirty now, like Skippy with nuts. 0.71
02:29:49.000 Get it.
02:29:50.000 I don't know.
02:29:52.000 He would always be there.
02:29:54.000 I never met him, I don't think.
02:29:55.000 Maybe I met him one time, but he would always be on the wall.
02:29:58.000 Like, come in next week.
02:29:59.000 Escape you from Family Times.
02:30:00.000 I remember that was the first guy that I worked in a club where he worked.
02:30:03.000 And I was like, oh yeah, that guy from TV. He's coming next week.
02:30:07.000 Yeah.
02:30:07.000 Oh, who?
02:30:08.000 I met at TV. You know the first guy I remember I saw from TV and comedy where I saw him in the club was the legendary Wid.
02:30:15.000 Do you remember that guy?
02:30:16.000 I remember that guy.
02:30:17.000 Yeah.
02:30:17.000 Yeah.
02:30:18.000 We saw him walking down the street.
02:30:20.000 It was me and Big J were doing the laugh house.
02:30:23.000 What was his schtick?
02:30:25.000 He was a prop guy from the 80s.
02:30:27.000 That's right.
02:30:27.000 He used to be on Making Me Laugh all the time.
02:30:29.000 People don't know that before Carrot Top, prop guy was a genre.
02:30:35.000 Yeah, prop guy.
02:30:36.000 I don't like when they get political prop.
02:30:40.000 You just had all MAGA props.
02:30:42.000 Pulling out signs, and it's all like that scene in the NXS video.
02:30:47.000 You keep throwing them aside.
02:30:49.000 When is prop comedy?
02:30:50.000 Remember that Bob Dylan scene?
02:30:52.000 One of the old Bob Dylan.
02:30:53.000 Oh, my God.
02:30:54.000 The lady had the placards, and she's throwing them up in the air. 1.00
02:30:56.000 Or did Bob Dylan have the placards?
02:30:58.000 He had it.
02:30:58.000 It's like a couple different people.
02:31:00.000 Yeah.
02:31:01.000 They've done that more than once, right?
02:31:02.000 The people hold up signs.
02:31:04.000 Yeah.
02:31:07.000 It was real whatever. 0.99
02:31:08.000 I didn't find it to be shit, but I know it's a legendary thing of throwing your placards. 0.99
02:31:15.000 Yeah, Jesus Christ. 0.99
02:31:18.000 Yeah, there it is, Bob Dylan.
02:31:21.000 Oh yeah, right.
02:31:22.000 Oh, I'm thinking of U2. Didn't Bono do this after?
02:31:26.000 He might have done it too.
02:31:27.000 Maybe in tribute.
02:31:28.000 I'm thinking of the U2 thing.
02:31:29.000 I'm pretty sure NXS did it.
02:31:31.000 I've never seen Bob.
02:31:32.000 I had no idea Bob Dylan did this.
02:31:34.000 He was the first.
02:31:35.000 I only saw the remake.
02:31:38.000 He would do it to the lyrics to his song.
02:31:41.000 What?
02:31:42.000 Bring cue cards everywhere?
02:31:44.000 Subterranean Homesick Blues.
02:31:48.000 That's actually him singing the words.
02:31:50.000 So he's doing a music video but refusing to sing.
02:31:53.000 He's just holding up these pieces of paper that have all the different lyrics on them.
02:31:58.000 Yeah, no, I never saw this version.
02:32:00.000 Yeah, it's good.
02:32:01.000 We can't play the music, unfortunately.
02:32:03.000 Who did the thing that I'm thinking of?
02:32:04.000 I think NXS did it.
02:32:06.000 Was it?
02:32:07.000 Yeah, I think it was NXS. NXS, who's the lead singer, is one of those dudes that choked himself to death jerking off. 0.99
02:32:15.000 Yeah, it wasn't on purpose. 0.97
02:32:17.000 It was one of those guys.
02:32:17.000 Are you sure?
02:32:17.000 No, no, I'm asking.
02:32:19.000 Well, who knows?
02:32:20.000 Once you're dead, you can't ask you questions. 0.99
02:32:22.000 Dude, somebody told me, because a lot of these musicians are ex-heroin addicts, so the only thing that's close to the endorphins of that is a good choke jerk. 1.00
02:32:32.000 Choke slash jerking off. 1.00
02:32:33.000 Yeah, choke jerk. 0.99
02:32:34.000 So they do that. 0.99
02:32:35.000 It's something very specific.
02:32:35.000 That's it at the top, Jamie.
02:32:36.000 That was it.
02:32:37.000 Ten different videos here that did it.
02:32:39.000 A lot of people did it.
02:32:39.000 Oh, these are all different people that did it in different songs?
02:32:42.000 Yeah.
02:32:43.000 Oh.
02:32:43.000 Rapper Molly Mall.
02:32:44.000 Okay, go up to the NSX one.
02:32:47.000 Well, I've never seen...
02:32:48.000 This is the one you're thinking of.
02:32:49.000 The top one.
02:32:50.000 Yeah, that's right.
02:32:52.000 This one's pretty famous.
02:32:53.000 Mediate.
02:32:54.000 Yeah, that's right.
02:32:56.000 I'm thinking...
02:32:56.000 Wow.
02:32:57.000 Dude, I actually had no idea Bob Dylan did that first.
02:33:02.000 You didn't know?
02:33:03.000 I only know an existing.
02:33:05.000 Oh, yeah.
02:33:06.000 Bob Dylan was the original.
02:33:07.000 Do you think that this guy...
02:33:08.000 Was he a heroin guy?
02:33:09.000 Is that why he was... 0.99
02:33:13.000 It's like you burn out your pleasure centers of your brain so you need some intense like an explosion of Sensation from a choke jerk.
02:33:22.000 I never thought of it until you brought it up, but it totally makes sense Right, if you knew you couldn't shoot up anymore and you wanted to get that rush.
02:33:31.000 He wanted to make this as an invention, like a Shark Tank invention, which he means dead serious invention.
02:33:36.000 It makes me laugh.
02:33:37.000 It's a belt.
02:33:38.000 It lets go. 0.98
02:33:40.000 It's got a sensor in case you gotta jerk off to your belt. 0.92
02:33:44.000 It has a sensor to just release you when you... 0.98
02:33:47.000 But if it lets you go in your unconscious, you might bang your head off the floor and die anyway.
02:33:53.000 Well, some things are worth a risk, okay?
02:33:57.000 It almost makes you want to try it.
02:34:00.000 That's such an embarrassing way to die, though.
02:34:02.000 I know, it's too...
02:34:04.000 There was a preacher that died.
02:34:05.000 He had a wetsuit on.
02:34:06.000 He died doing that.
02:34:07.000 Oh yeah, who was that?
02:34:08.000 I remember that. 1.00
02:34:09.000 He had a giant dildo up his ass. 1.00
02:34:11.000 What's the wetsuit for? 1.00
02:34:12.000 The wetsuit's the cold is coming. 0.71
02:34:13.000 Does it get messy with that dildo? 0.61
02:34:14.000 The cold is coming. 0.98
02:34:15.000 Is it?
02:34:16.000 No, I'm just jerking.
02:34:17.000 I'm just guessing. 1.00
02:34:18.000 I would bet it was like a compression hold on that butt plug, the dildo. 1.00
02:34:24.000 So he's got this dildo up his ass. 1.00
02:34:26.000 And then the wetsuit squeezes... 1.00
02:34:28.000 And the wetsuit sucks it all in place so it can't go anywhere. 1.00
02:34:30.000 So his ass can't shit it out. 1.00
02:34:32.000 I mean, is it that hard to lose a dildo in your ass that you need a wetsuit? 1.00
02:34:35.000 I think your ass would want to shit it out immediately, and I think he's probably... 1.00
02:34:39.000 Oh, and then the tension formed by that. 1.00
02:34:41.000 He's probably been to other rodeos, and so he's realized what gets him thrown off the horse.
02:34:45.000 Yeah, I didn't think he just started at wetsuit level.
02:34:48.000 Wetsuit with a dildo.
02:34:49.000 That was his first time in the wetsuit.
02:34:51.000 And a noose.
02:34:52.000 Wow.
02:34:52.000 And he's a preacher.
02:34:54.000 That's a lot.
02:34:55.000 It's a lot happening.
02:34:56.000 A lot of conflicting evidence.
02:34:58.000 This guy has seen God.
02:34:59.000 You know what?
02:35:00.000 I believe him more than ever.
02:35:01.000 Yeah, imagine God called to him and said, listen, I'm going to bring you to me, but you've got to do it in a humiliating way.
02:35:07.000 That's the closest you can get.
02:35:11.000 Imagine if God, look, didn't God try to get people to kill their sons? 0.59
02:35:17.000 Oh, you're talking about...
02:35:18.000 What was the story?
02:35:20.000 Abraham and Isaac.
02:35:21.000 Yeah.
02:35:22.000 It's to see if you would do it. 1.00
02:35:24.000 If you kill your son. 1.00
02:35:26.000 It's not? 1.00
02:35:26.000 Yeah, it's not. 1.00
02:35:27.000 It's a creepy game God was playing.
02:35:28.000 Didn't actually go through with it, but it's a creepy game. 0.99
02:35:32.000 Yeah, well, you know, you're not a fucking... 0.99
02:35:35.000 Right. 0.99
02:35:35.000 You're not like a cave Jew from the Bronze Ages. 0.99
02:35:41.000 Imagine that same God today, but he's only around occasionally.
02:35:44.000 And he comes down and he talks to his preacher. 0.98
02:35:46.000 The fucked up thing is the view of your son as property. 0.99
02:35:49.000 See, this is the old world. 0.99
02:35:51.000 It's like, God will give you 10 more sons.
02:35:53.000 That's in Job.
02:35:54.000 That's back when you owned your family. 0.62
02:35:58.000 And by the way, if you didn't own them, somebody would kill them or do something awful.
02:36:01.000 That's just how it was. 0.98
02:36:02.000 Yeah, people are terrible. 1.00
02:36:03.000 I don't judge none of their shit, but here's the reverse of that. 1.00
02:36:07.000 I'm not taking any judgment. 0.99
02:36:08.000 What if Moses saw you doing that? 0.99
02:36:10.000 It's not his fucking business. 1.00
02:36:12.000 But imagine if God was real, but God only came down occasionally and tried to get people to do fucked up things like kill their son. 0.99
02:36:20.000 Imagine if one time he came down- Like he was like a Steve-O in his early prankster. 0.99
02:36:25.000 He was like an impractical joker.
02:36:28.000 Well, he's like Banksy.
02:36:29.000 Nobody knows what he looks like, but everybody's pretty sure he exists.
02:36:32.000 So he comes down occasionally.
02:36:35.000 He's not into giving large-scale advice, but occasionally.
02:36:38.000 He goes down and talks to this preacher and says, I want to thank you for believing in me.
02:36:42.000 I know you're a true believer, and I'm going to bring you to heaven.
02:36:45.000 But, you know, you have too much ego. 0.99
02:36:48.000 You hold on to too much ego, and I want to humiliate you in death. 0.98
02:36:52.000 This sounds like the original script of Prometheus. 0.89
02:36:58.000 This is what he was originally going for.
02:37:02.000 Prometheus is a weird one, right?
02:37:04.000 I kind of like it. 0.98
02:37:05.000 It's very stupid, but I like it. 0.99
02:37:06.000 I don't like it as much as I like the next one. 0.99
02:37:08.000 The next Alien movie was really good.
02:37:10.000 Covenant?
02:37:11.000 I like that one, too.
02:37:12.000 I love that one.
02:37:13.000 I know people didn't like it.
02:37:14.000 That was a good one.
02:37:15.000 It also features Jussie Smollett before The Allegations.
02:37:18.000 It does?
02:37:18.000 Yes.
02:37:19.000 He's in it.
02:37:20.000 He is?
02:37:20.000 Who is he in it?
02:37:21.000 He's one of the dudes in the ship. 0.99
02:37:23.000 Is he a guy who fucking... 0.99
02:37:24.000 He's one of the dudes. 1.00
02:37:25.000 Did he go to the cops and say a white alien popped out of his back?
02:37:28.000 It popped out of my back and it said, this is a MAGA ship.
02:37:32.000 This is MAGA country. 0.61
02:37:35.000 Welcome to MAGA country. 0.55
02:37:38.000 This is a MAGA system.
02:37:39.000 You're about to enter. 0.99
02:37:42.000 Yeah, he was one of the dudes piloting the ship with, what the fuck's his name? 0.98
02:37:49.000 Kenny... 0.98
02:37:49.000 Oh, right. 0.98
02:37:50.000 Yeah, the comic, the hilarious guy.
02:37:52.000 From the Foot Fist way.
02:37:55.000 Danny McBride.
02:37:57.000 Yeah, he's on it too.
02:37:58.000 He's hilarious in it.
02:38:00.000 Yeah, I like it, dude.
02:38:01.000 Yeah, so there's Jussie Smollett.
02:38:02.000 I know.
02:38:03.000 Wow. 1.00
02:38:04.000 It's a fun fucking movie. 1.00
02:38:05.000 Hey, look, he got jacked. 1.00
02:38:06.000 Bam.
02:38:09.000 What is that, Cinemorgue?
02:38:12.000 Is that in the movie?
02:38:13.000 Is that a scene in the movie where he got jacked?
02:38:15.000 Oh my god.
02:38:15.000 How did he audition for that part?
02:38:17.000 Did that go right through the back of his head?
02:38:19.000 Yes.
02:38:20.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
02:38:21.000 Now, I want you to imagine a cock coming out the other end of your bar. 1.00
02:38:24.000 Like, I don't have to. 0.99
02:38:25.000 My favorite part in that movie is when the one lady locks the lady and the infected guy inside that room after the thing bursts out. 0.52
02:38:35.000 Oh yeah, that was cool, dude.
02:38:37.000 Woo! 0.99
02:38:37.000 That was a heavy fucking scene, man. 0.99
02:38:40.000 That was a heavy scene. 1.00
02:38:42.000 That was a really good scary horror movie scene. 0.99
02:38:45.000 Yeah, that was genuinely a fucking good... 0.97
02:38:47.000 And that alien that they made at the end? 0.95
02:38:49.000 That one that you're showing a picture of, Jamie?
02:38:51.000 That thing was...
02:38:52.000 That was more in the beginning, that guy.
02:38:53.000 No, no.
02:38:54.000 He was...
02:38:54.000 Towards the end, I think, he was the combination alien that the artificial intelligence got.
02:38:59.000 Okay, see the dark one there?
02:39:01.000 I thought that...
02:39:01.000 Oh, oh, oh.
02:39:02.000 That's the one that came out later that stowed away.
02:39:05.000 Yeah, that bit the girl's shoulder off. 1.00
02:39:08.000 Remember?
02:39:09.000 Oh, yeah.
02:39:09.000 Remember that?
02:39:10.000 Yeah.
02:39:10.000 But I thought this one was like it would eat...
02:39:13.000 It wanted to eat them.
02:39:15.000 Yeah, it was trying to eat them.
02:39:16.000 Yeah, that's what it looked like.
02:39:19.000 That's what it looks like when it came chasing after that lady. 0.99
02:39:21.000 Oh, Prometheus.
02:39:22.000 I'm sorry.
02:39:22.000 I thought you were talking about Covenant.
02:39:23.000 No, I am talking about Covenant.
02:39:24.000 Remember when they were downstairs in the other David's place?
02:39:28.000 That was a black alien. 0.89
02:39:30.000 Was it?
02:39:31.000 I thought it was white.
02:39:32.000 No, that's what comes out of your back. 0.51
02:39:34.000 The white one in the beginning.
02:39:35.000 But I thought there was a white one in that movie that...
02:39:38.000 It might have been one that comes running in at the end.
02:39:41.000 It looked like that.
02:39:42.000 It's lighter skinned.
02:39:43.000 Yeah.
02:39:44.000 Remember that, Jamie?
02:39:45.000 I'm not making anything up.
02:39:46.000 I didn't see this movie.
02:39:47.000 There was a scene towards the end where they realized that this artificial intelligence guy had started breeding these aliens together and combining their DNA with people, with other things.
02:40:01.000 And it came and jumped out and got her.
02:40:04.000 Where he put its arms up, the alien, like he did like a hand wave and it went like that.
02:40:09.000 No, it came in and bit her.
02:40:10.000 The Joey Diaz hand wave, space wave.
02:40:13.000 It came running out and it bit her on the shoulder.
02:40:18.000 Look at that. 1.00
02:40:18.000 This alien looks like Joey Diaz's balls. 1.00
02:40:20.000 I don't think this is the scene. 0.99
02:40:22.000 It's when he's downstairs in that artificial...
02:40:26.000 There's a pink one.
02:40:26.000 It sounds like a pink one.
02:40:28.000 It was a weird color.
02:40:29.000 It was like a whitish color.
02:40:30.000 And it was down when he was in the dwelling where that guy would draw and do all scientific experiments.
02:40:36.000 Oh, no, no.
02:40:36.000 A face hugger got him.
02:40:38.000 Well, there was another one.
02:40:39.000 There was a full-grown alien down there.
02:40:41.000 Anybody who's like a real alien fan is probably so mad at us right now.
02:40:44.000 Yeah, this is it.
02:40:45.000 I can feel it.
02:40:46.000 This is it.
02:40:46.000 Oh.
02:40:48.000 I think.
02:40:49.000 Oh, he gets mad that someone shot it.
02:40:50.000 See, it's kind of a white thing.
02:40:51.000 It's called a neomorph, I guess. 0.97
02:40:53.000 Yeah.
02:40:54.000 They killed it.
02:40:56.000 And he's all mad.
02:40:58.000 He goes, hey.
02:41:00.000 What is this?
02:41:01.000 The music was not.
02:41:02.000 What is that music that goes with it?
02:41:07.000 Okay.
02:41:08.000 Yeah, that's it.
02:41:11.000 So there's a scene, but there's a scene where it gets a girl. 0.99
02:41:14.000 I think.
02:41:15.000 I'm pretty sure.
02:41:17.000 I think it was, yeah.
02:41:18.000 See?
02:41:18.000 So it's kind of a pale looking thing.
02:41:20.000 No, it is that.
02:41:20.000 Lack of entertainment in the last 15 minutes, ladies and gentlemen.
02:41:23.000 I forgot which healing it was.
02:41:24.000 I know, it's romantic with this song.
02:41:26.000 Well, that was a cool part of the movie, that he had been there for so long, he'd been experimenting with these aliens and making different kinds.
02:41:33.000 Yeah, right.
02:41:33.000 Yeah.
02:41:34.000 And it was also interesting, too, the difference between the new version where they had cut out creativity and the old version where he was...
02:41:42.000 Wait, they cut out creativity?
02:41:43.000 In the artificial intelligence guys.
02:41:45.000 You know, there's always like...
02:41:46.000 Oh, yeah, right, right, right.
02:41:48.000 A robot guy.
02:41:49.000 Yeah, there's always a robot guy.
02:41:50.000 He tried to kiss himself or something.
02:41:51.000 He's like, I love you.
02:41:53.000 That's what it looked like, Jamie.
02:41:55.000 That's exactly what it looked like. 1.00
02:41:56.000 Now I can suck my own dick, finally. 1.00
02:41:59.000 That right there. 1.00
02:42:00.000 You just had it.
02:42:01.000 Bang.
02:42:02.000 So, that's what it looked like.
02:42:03.000 And then it came out, and its whole mouth opens up, and it bit her shoulder.
02:42:08.000 It, like, took a giant chunk out of her.
02:42:09.000 If I remember correctly, I'd be...
02:42:10.000 I was very scared.
02:42:12.000 What is all that different lighting over it?
02:42:15.000 Dude, those...
02:42:16.000 I don't know.
02:42:16.000 That's a good question.
02:42:17.000 Those are some of my favorite movies.
02:42:19.000 Yeah, no, I like it. 1.00
02:42:20.000 I just wish he showed the fucking engineer. 0.99
02:42:22.000 I don't like they space it out in other... 0.99
02:42:26.000 You know, extra movie.
02:42:27.000 And he has really something about somebody with like a space Judy. 0.99
02:42:32.000 Someone like that haircut that fucking fights aliens. 0.99
02:42:36.000 It's up to this last space Judy to fucking... 1.00
02:42:40.000 Rolling Stones are playing in the background somehow. 0.99
02:42:42.000 Is that what it was?
02:42:42.000 Yeah.
02:42:43.000 And that music? 1.00
02:42:44.000 Are we fucked now? 0.99
02:42:44.000 No, I wasn't playing the sound. 0.99
02:42:46.000 Oh, good.
02:42:47.000 It's, I mean, the series of movies, some of the best horror and science fiction movies of all time.
02:42:53.000 You gotta go back to the original one.
02:42:55.000 That original Alien holds up.
02:42:57.000 Yeah, it's great.
02:42:58.000 Holds up. 0.97
02:42:59.000 That's a 1979 movie about aliens and space, and it fucking holds up. 0.99
02:43:04.000 Yeah. 0.96
02:43:05.000 I mean, it's still, the technology looks goofy.
02:43:08.000 Like the little...
02:43:09.000 It's going off in the background. 0.98
02:43:10.000 All their computers in a fucking older. 0.99
02:43:12.000 They don't know what they're doing. 0.99
02:43:13.000 Nothing looks worse than like a 90s tech movie, like Hackers or something.
02:43:17.000 Like, ooh, is this a Pentium?
02:43:18.000 Back to the Future.
02:43:20.000 Yeah, but what were they right about, Back to the Future? 1.00
02:43:23.000 They were probably right about a lot of shit, right? 0.99
02:43:26.000 Wasn't Trump president in Back to the Future 2? 1.00
02:43:28.000 Was he?
02:43:28.000 Am I wrong?
02:43:29.000 Imagine.
02:43:30.000 I think he was president of The Simpsons.
02:43:31.000 The Simpsons predicted it, yes.
02:43:34.000 There's a great video about how accurate the Simpsons were about so many different things.
02:43:39.000 Yeah.
02:43:40.000 And that Matt Groening must be some sort of a time traveler.
02:43:43.000 I think he just said whatever the most hilarious thing he could think of was.
02:43:48.000 It turned out to be true. 0.92
02:43:50.000 13 Simpsons predictions that could not come true, but still could.
02:43:54.000 All right, let's see.
02:43:55.000 Oh, that have not come true, but still could.
02:43:57.000 Ivanka 2028. Ivanka 2028 is probably 100% going to happen.
02:44:02.000 If it said Melania, then I would go, oh, time travel.
02:44:05.000 Do you think people step up Melania and Michelle Obama together?
02:44:08.000 Melania, the hottest first lady we've ever had? 0.88
02:44:10.000 Woo! 0.99
02:44:10.000 She's for sure the hottest. 0.99
02:44:12.000 Any argument will start a fight.
02:44:14.000 Right?
02:44:15.000 Who's a close second to Melania Trump? 1.00
02:44:18.000 I mean, it's not even fair to...
02:44:20.000 It's not fair.
02:44:21.000 Yeah.
02:44:21.000 No, it's not fair.
02:44:22.000 But Melania and Michelle Obama together. 0.96
02:44:25.000 Unstoppable ticket.
02:44:26.000 Michelle probably was the most... 0.89
02:44:28.000 Unite the parties.
02:44:29.000 Wait, oh yeah, Laura Bush was a... 1.00
02:44:33.000 She was not bad.
02:44:33.000 It was not bad.
02:44:34.000 Pretty lady.
02:44:36.000 Hillary Clinton when she was younger. 1.00
02:44:38.000 Fucking Barbara Bush was like, it was like a legendary joke how unfuckable the first lady was. 1.00
02:44:42.000 The entire 90s, there was like something where a guy would punch Barbara Bush in the face full on. 1.00
02:44:48.000 Remember that naked gun?
02:44:49.000 Yeah, there were so many jokes about it.
02:44:51.000 OJ would be falling down the stairs.
02:44:52.000 People loved it, dude.
02:44:54.000 There were so many jokes about Barbara Bush.
02:44:57.000 Dude, she was like, she was legendarily ugly when I was a kid. 1.00
02:45:03.000 I understood she was the first lady, and also she was one of the ugliest first ladies. 1.00
02:45:08.000 It just came through over and over again on all media.
02:45:12.000 So this is all the first ladies? 0.99
02:45:13.000 Not all of them, it's just a picture of...
02:45:15.000 Do they mock her on every format of whatever?
02:45:18.000 They did. 0.90
02:45:19.000 She was declared ugly. 1.00
02:45:20.000 They did, it was like... 0.73
02:45:23.000 Yeah.
02:45:24.000 Nancy Reagan was always really good.
02:45:26.000 Oh, Jackie O, though, was one of the first ones where you could see a bush in her thing. 1.00
02:45:29.000 Oh, really?
02:45:30.000 Yeah, remember?
02:45:30.000 There was pictures of Jackie and Hustler.
02:45:32.000 You could see her bush?
02:45:33.000 Yeah.
02:45:33.000 Yeah, Hustler.
02:45:33.000 They got a bunch of money off that.
02:45:34.000 That's how Larry Flink got rich.
02:45:36.000 Yeah.
02:45:36.000 Wow.
02:45:36.000 Like, if it came out, like, fucking...
02:45:38.000 Really? 1.00
02:45:39.000 Yeah.
02:45:39.000 Why did I forget that?
02:45:40.000 He spent a bunch of money on that house that he was going to make to get kicked out of in Ohio.
02:45:44.000 Really?
02:45:45.000 Yeah, they thought it was going to be like a Playboy Hustler mansion, Playboy Mansion thing.
02:45:48.000 Oh! 0.60
02:45:49.000 They're like, get out of here.
02:45:50.000 Well, he did open up some casinos.
02:45:51.000 He did.
02:45:53.000 Nancy Reagan used to get Ronald Reagan to listen to astrology.
02:45:56.000 Yeah, right.
02:45:57.000 She had a White House astrologer.
02:46:00.000 They would run all the decisions by the astrologer.
02:46:02.000 Do you believe in astrology?
02:46:03.000 Of course.
02:46:04.000 Do you do astrology?
02:46:05.000 Oh, every day.
02:46:06.000 All day.
02:46:06.000 I don't.
02:46:07.000 In fact, I'm doing it right now.
02:46:08.000 I'm a Gemini and we're skeptics.
02:46:13.000 Oh, first ladies never married to presidents? 1.00
02:46:16.000 Never married.
02:46:17.000 The other women? 0.99
02:46:18.000 Oh, the side pieces.
02:46:19.000 Wait a minute, but they were still considered the first lady? 0.98
02:46:22.000 No, no, no.
02:46:23.000 This is just a trick.
02:46:26.000 National First Lady's Library. 1.00
02:46:29.000 Turn that over, you son of a bitch. 1.00
02:46:31.000 We are the society, the side piece society of... 1.00
02:46:35.000 It's like the sons and daughters of the revolution.
02:46:41.000 I can't wait for a woman to become president just so we can see what we call the guy. 1.00
02:46:47.000 Is that not settled? 0.99
02:46:48.000 Unless she's a lesbian, which would be even better. 1.00
02:46:51.000 I hope that we find out that you have to love pussy to run the country. 1.00
02:46:55.000 Whether you love pussy and you have one, or you love pussy... 1.00
02:46:59.000 That's how I would run if I was a lesbian. 1.00
02:47:00.000 Like, hey, we all know it's important. 1.00
02:47:02.000 You have to be willing to eat pussy. 1.00
02:47:04.000 We all love pussy. 1.00
02:47:07.000 Wait, is this... 1.00
02:47:08.000 What am I looking for?
02:47:11.000 The weed.
02:47:12.000 The weed gotcha.
02:47:13.000 I thought he was posting it on the screen.
02:47:16.000 The elation for your coronavirus test and then the weed together.
02:47:19.000 Can I tell you something?
02:47:21.000 An AIDS test was not as stressful.
02:47:23.000 Really?
02:47:24.000 Yeah, I didn't feel as...
02:47:26.000 It's, um...
02:47:29.000 It's probably... 0.99
02:47:32.000 It's just because it was a long car ride, so I'm just like, oh shit. 0.98
02:47:35.000 It's probably the most stress-inducing thing any of us have had to go through except for the people that have been to war or first responders or people that have experienced real violence. 0.97
02:47:49.000 I find it strangely calming because it's so beyond my control.
02:47:54.000 It's so beyond.
02:47:56.000 Yeah.
02:47:56.000 You had Barry Crimmins on here one time, didn't you?
02:47:58.000 Sure, yeah.
02:47:59.000 So we were on a tour together.
02:48:00.000 We almost died in this car accident.
02:48:02.000 Really?
02:48:03.000 Yeah, the car we were in, we were on black ice.
02:48:05.000 Who was driving? 0.99
02:48:07.000 This dude, I won't say his name, but anyway, he was fucking... 0.99
02:48:14.000 So he's driving. 0.99
02:48:15.000 I'm in the passenger seat.
02:48:16.000 Barry is behind the driver.
02:48:18.000 And we were going about 65 on the highway, which wouldn't be too bad except it's black ice because it's winter.
02:48:24.000 And he was trying to pass this tractor trailer.
02:48:27.000 So as we're going, the car starts wobbling.
02:48:31.000 Oh, my God. 0.99
02:48:32.000 So I remember I said, what the fuck, three times? 0.99
02:48:35.000 This is how much time there was. 0.98
02:48:37.000 I didn't, like, duck or anything because I saw the trailer. 0.97
02:48:40.000 We just started—my side started going under the fucking— Oh, my God. 0.95
02:48:44.000 So I just remember going, well, I guess I'm dead. 0.94
02:48:46.000 And then at the very last second, it spun because it was wobbling.
02:48:52.000 And then the back where no one was sitting, that got grabbed and the window blew in.
02:48:56.000 And then we spun into the middle of the highway.
02:48:59.000 It was crazy, dude.
02:49:00.000 But afterwards, I remember that me and Barry, I felt like high.
02:49:03.000 I remember you telling me the story.
02:49:04.000 The driver was weeping, by the way.
02:49:06.000 I felt high.
02:49:07.000 And the reason was, it was so out of my control.
02:49:11.000 I mean, it was so...
02:49:12.000 Because I was definitely sure my head was going to come off.
02:49:13.000 I just went like that.
02:49:15.000 Oh, my God.
02:49:16.000 And it felt so out of my hands.
02:49:18.000 I was like, oh.
02:49:19.000 It felt like a...
02:49:22.000 I thought I was going to die all kinds of times, but usually it was like, you know, I mixed some kind of drugs or I did something where, you know...
02:49:28.000 It made sense.
02:49:29.000 So some...
02:49:30.000 I think I was trained from, you know, end of the world kind of feelings since birth from being in that day.
02:49:37.000 And I think I just have them where it relaxes me more than...
02:49:41.000 What would they tell you the end of the world would be?
02:49:43.000 You know, whatever everybody says.
02:49:46.000 What do you mean?
02:49:46.000 Like when you say it was an end of the world cult.
02:49:49.000 What did they think?
02:49:51.000 Oh, a doomsday cult.
02:49:52.000 That God's revelation is going to happen in Armageddon.
02:49:57.000 God's going to destroy the wicked system of things.
02:50:00.000 It has an appeal to it.
02:50:01.000 Oh, for sure.
02:50:02.000 And then set up a reasonable...
02:50:04.000 That the righteous will survive.
02:50:04.000 Of course.
02:50:05.000 Well, Jehovah's Witnesses, some people live on earth in a Garden of Eden restored paradise.
02:50:12.000 Have you ever seen the literature?
02:50:13.000 They show that.
02:50:14.000 I believe it's paintings of Hawaii.
02:50:15.000 No.
02:50:16.000 You ever go to Hawaii?
02:50:17.000 It's beautiful.
02:50:17.000 It's gorgeous.
02:50:18.000 That's what their heaven is.
02:50:20.000 Maybe that's the moon.
02:50:21.000 That's what the guy painting it in the things I saw.
02:50:23.000 When I finally went to Hawaii, I was like, oh, that's what I thought of paradise my entire life of, you know, the Garden of Eden.
02:50:31.000 Hawaii looks like that.
02:50:32.000 Imagine if Hawaii was all that was left. 0.63
02:50:35.000 Like, there's enough people.
02:50:36.000 And that's a volcano.
02:50:37.000 There's enough people.
02:50:38.000 But imagine if that's it.
02:50:40.000 Well, there'd be a lot of meth, I'll tell you that.
02:50:42.000 How many people, like, Hawaii is supposedly, I think, the spot in the world that's the furthest away from other spots.
02:50:51.000 Like, it is completely isolated in the middle of the ocean. 0.98
02:50:55.000 It's like the Earth's vagina. 1.00
02:50:57.000 It's lush. 0.99
02:50:59.000 It's gorgeous, right?
02:51:00.000 It's amazing.
02:51:01.000 But I think it's also five hours by plane to anywhere.
02:51:06.000 I think the closest you can get is Guam or places like that, but it's really isolating.
02:51:11.000 It shocked me.
02:51:12.000 I got there at night when I went to Kauai, which I heard is the good one to go to.
02:51:17.000 Kauai's awesome.
02:51:18.000 I've never been, but it's gorgeous. 0.98
02:51:19.000 It was pitch black when I got there at night, and then I woke up and it looked like fucking... 0.97
02:51:23.000 Jurassic Park. 0.99
02:51:24.000 It was crazy.
02:51:25.000 That's where they filmed Jurassic Park.
02:51:26.000 I was on a cliff.
02:51:27.000 It was like every kind of biome in one spot.
02:51:31.000 It's magic.
02:51:32.000 At least from the photos.
02:51:34.000 I've been to Maui.
02:51:35.000 I've been to the Big Island.
02:51:36.000 Five days is perfect.
02:51:38.000 Do you go crazy after that?
02:51:40.000 Dude, it would become a beautiful hell that your only joy in life besides methamphetamine would be showing new people that come to the island.
02:51:50.000 The movie, weren't they on Hawaii in the show Lost?
02:51:52.000 They're desperately trying to get out.
02:51:54.000 Well, they're one on an island like Hawaii.
02:51:57.000 But they filmed it, I thought, in Hawaii.
02:51:59.000 Oh yeah, for sure they did, right?
02:52:00.000 Yeah, and you're ready to go after, unless like, it was like a place you go after you die, it felt like.
02:52:05.000 Well, some people go to like Maui, and they live there.
02:52:10.000 I've seen Dog the Bounty Hunter, I know.
02:52:14.000 Oh, I know.
02:52:15.000 Steven Tyler lives there.
02:52:16.000 A bunch of you.
02:52:17.000 Pierce Brosnan lived up the block from where I stayed.
02:52:19.000 Did he really?
02:52:20.000 Yeah, I think the climate kind of destroys property, so it's very expensive, the upkeep of owning a home there.
02:52:27.000 Dude, I was just reading about Malibu, how much beach Malibu's losing, and they're trying to do all these different things to try to save the beach.
02:52:35.000 Like a beach comb over from another beach.
02:52:37.000 They're doing...
02:52:38.000 As they don't acknowledge there's a problem.
02:52:41.000 Much like I do with my hair for many years.
02:52:44.000 They're literally calling it beach Botox.
02:52:47.000 Really?
02:52:48.000 Yes.
02:52:48.000 Why?
02:52:49.000 Because it doesn't last.
02:52:51.000 It's like a little quick fix.
02:52:53.000 So they pour all this sand into this area and then the ocean swats it away.
02:52:59.000 I thought they have a way to make artificial sand dunes that work.
02:53:02.000 They have a way to do some walls, but the thing about it is it affects other beaches.
02:53:09.000 So if you put up a beach wall over here, it's going to affect the beach of the people down there. 1.00
02:53:15.000 And so they're like, hey, fuck you. 1.00
02:53:17.000 You're going to ruin our beach because you want more beach. 1.00
02:53:19.000 Because there's only a certain amount of water.
02:53:21.000 The problem is the water is rising.
02:53:25.000 The water is starting to take over.
02:53:27.000 So then everybody should have extra water.
02:53:31.000 Well, they're saying by 2100, it's going to move all the way through.
02:53:34.000 There's going to be none of those houses.
02:53:36.000 This is what the story was saying.
02:53:38.000 That by 2100, there'll be no more beach.
02:53:41.000 None of those houses will exist.
02:53:43.000 The beach will be in a totally different spot.
02:53:45.000 The water will get so high that it just starts taking over everything. 0.98
02:53:49.000 No shit. 0.98
02:53:50.000 Yeah, man. 1.00
02:53:51.000 I'm telling you, China felt like going to the movie Blade Runner.
02:53:54.000 I bet it did.
02:53:55.000 I wouldn't go now.
02:53:56.000 It seems tensions are high now.
02:53:58.000 Yeah, well, I was there before the 2016 election, just before it, and they were into Trump.
02:54:03.000 Oh, really?
02:54:04.000 Yeah, because he's like a business.
02:54:05.000 That whole thing of your name on everything, Chinese people love that.
02:54:09.000 Like, they get him.
02:54:11.000 Do you know what I mean?
02:54:11.000 Like, I don't know now how it is, but they were all about him because he's a businessman.
02:54:17.000 He was successful.
02:54:17.000 He's a businessman.
02:54:18.000 That's how they fucking... 0.99
02:54:19.000 Well, he definitely... 0.99
02:54:21.000 It's not commies, what I'm saying.
02:54:23.000 He definitely rubbed them the wrong way with this, right?
02:54:26.000 Oh, with...
02:54:27.000 No, they don't even have a...
02:54:28.000 Dude, if the country of China goes, hey, that's racist, they're... 1.00
02:54:32.000 They're purely playing on American, like, dippy kind of shit. 1.00
02:54:37.000 Like, they don't have any feelings like that. 1.00
02:54:39.000 Do you just see what they're doing with black people there? 0.97
02:54:41.000 They're kicking them out now. 0.99
02:54:42.000 They put it on them, you know, instead of the bat soup or whatever everybody said, they're like, oh, it's because it spreads because of black people. 1.00
02:54:49.000 Are they trying to say that it's because of black people? 0.78
02:54:51.000 Because they also said it was because of Americans. 0.99
02:54:54.000 Yeah, they're like fucking Romulans do whatever whatever it takes to make a narrative the government controls like here It's a bunch of corporations pushing what they want. 1.00
02:55:03.000 They're the fucking guy the head guy the papers pushes Winnie the Pooh agenda I think they just passed a law saying that the Chinese guys can't go online and play video games with people in other countries Yeah, well, Russia has some laws like that, too, where you couldn't get certain American foods because of the fucking, 0.99
02:55:20.000 you know, after they went to Crimea, there was like a... 0.99
02:55:23.000 Oh, an anti-American sentiment?
02:55:25.000 But the government was like, yeah, America's alright.
02:55:27.000 I watched that interview you did with, what's his name?
02:55:31.000 Snowden.
02:55:31.000 Yeah, it was interesting, but I thought it really stuck out about how it blows up Putin, because Putin could be failing if not for, same way Trump wins, if not for the constant, like, this guy's the devil and the boogeyman, and it gives them status.
02:55:46.000 You know how smoking commercials where they go, quit smoking, and they say they don't work because all it does is put the word smoking in your head.
02:55:54.000 Right. 0.98
02:55:54.000 That's what they've been doing for fucking five... 0.98
02:55:57.000 That makes sense. 1.00
02:55:58.000 Don't Trump, but all you hear is Trump.
02:55:59.000 Well, that was Trump's...
02:56:07.000 I think it's a habit of doing that on purpose.
02:56:13.000 I think that's something he's done for many years.
02:56:16.000 But I think with them, they didn't even know what was going on until they were checkmated. 1.00
02:56:20.000 Because they're fucking greedy. 0.99
02:56:22.000 They were making money off of it. 0.99
02:56:24.000 Yeah.
02:56:24.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:56:25.000 Yeah, it's a great thing. 1.00
02:56:26.000 People want to see the dumb shit that he says. 1.00
02:56:28.000 They want to get outraged. 1.00
02:56:29.000 They tune into it.
02:56:30.000 Well, also, I mean, maybe next time we'll crack down on comedy. 1.00
02:56:33.000 People want to hear someone not observe Stupid rules. 0.99
02:56:38.000 They want someone to ace Ventura, but their hand in your food plate and your monocle falls out. 1.00
02:56:44.000 So that used to be my job, but now my job is being an ally or some shit. 0.99
02:56:51.000 And Trump gets to do everybody's job of just saying whatever crazy shit he wants. 0.99
02:56:55.000 He gets to be Tracy Morgan now. 0.99
02:56:57.000 And Tracy Morgan has to watch it. 1.00
02:56:59.000 That's the system that we have.
02:57:01.000 That's a good way of putting it. 1.00
02:57:03.000 Nobody tells Tracy Morgan, stop saying crazy shit. 1.00
02:57:05.000 He's the one guy who can't be stopped for not... 1.00
02:57:10.000 And by the way, why shouldn't he say crazy shit? 1.00
02:57:12.000 You could say the most reasonable shit in the world and somebody will... 1.00
02:57:15.000 The shit with you with Bernie where they're like... 1.00
02:57:19.000 He better... 1.00
02:57:20.000 What is he supposed to do?
02:57:21.000 Like throw away your...
02:57:23.000 Not even direct endorsement?
02:57:25.000 All he said is I'll probably vote for him.
02:57:28.000 Yeah, like he was supposed to like denounce you.
02:57:31.000 I swear to God I read this.
02:57:32.000 I know.
02:57:32.000 I have a huge bit about it now.
02:57:34.000 I almost don't want to go into it because I'm hoping that comedy will return.
02:57:38.000 I'll be able to do this.
02:57:38.000 You gave me like 10 new minutes.
02:57:40.000 You got to guard your precious bits.
02:57:42.000 No!
02:57:42.000 You never know!
02:57:43.000 In this COVID-19 to save the real bangers.
02:57:45.000 Are we going to really go back to comedy?
02:57:48.000 Like, what's a comedy club going to be like when it returns?
02:57:50.000 And when I asked you, when do you think we're going to...
02:57:52.000 Like, I was going to ask you.
02:57:53.000 Well, that's when it becomes a problem, right? 0.96
02:57:55.000 Because none of us fucking have an idea. 0.98
02:57:57.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:57:57.000 We're all... 0.99
02:57:58.000 I got a podcast, so I guess that's my only...
02:58:01.000 Basically, I got a podcast.
02:58:03.000 I'm going to start farming tigers, is what I have going on. 1.00
02:58:08.000 I want my pussy handled. 1.00
02:58:11.000 Plenty of tigers, so I don't got to worry about getting pussy. 1.00
02:58:13.000 I'll get pussy. 1.00
02:58:14.000 That's the move, right? 1.00
02:58:16.000 If you have tigers, people will fuck you. 1.00
02:58:18.000 See that guy, the fucking tiger guy? 1.00
02:58:19.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:58:19.000 And he does yoga? 0.99
02:58:20.000 He does yoga and tigers? 1.00
02:58:21.000 That guy, that guy fucks. 1.00
02:58:23.000 Oh, the guru guy? 1.00
02:58:24.000 Yeah.
02:58:25.000 What does he call himself?
02:58:26.000 Bhagavang Jiga? 0.99
02:58:27.000 Dude, any white guy calling themselves Bhagavita fucking... 1.00
02:58:30.000 Oh, God, that's hilarious. 1.00
02:58:33.000 What does it mean?
02:58:34.000 How do you fall for that? 1.00
02:58:35.000 That blows my fucking mind. 1.00
02:58:36.000 Same way you fall for Manson, same way you become a social justice warrior. 1.00
02:58:40.000 Same shit. 1.00
02:58:41.000 People want to belong. 1.00
02:58:42.000 Your mom kicked you out for having a pot pipe?
02:58:44.000 That's how.
02:58:44.000 That too.
02:58:46.000 There was an FBI raid at your house because you bought drugs in the parking lot of the fast food restaurant you worked at.
02:58:53.000 Doc Antle.
02:58:54.000 There he is.
02:58:54.000 Boggy Von Antle.
02:58:55.000 Boggy Von.
02:58:56.000 Look at the girls. 0.99
02:58:57.000 Hey, Boggy Von.
02:58:57.000 I know.
02:58:58.000 Looking good, bro.
02:58:59.000 Congratulations to you.
02:59:01.000 He looks good in a tie.
02:59:02.000 Nice bow tie.
02:59:03.000 The beautiful thing about that show is that those are real people and this is real life.
02:59:08.000 And it's like, oh, that's there too.
02:59:10.000 I kind of get why the Chinese are grinding up tigers now for dickpack. 1.00
02:59:14.000 I mean, obviously it works. 1.00
02:59:15.000 I don't even know why I was criticizing But you could keep the tiger alive and get the same pussy. 1.00
02:59:20.000 That's all I'm saying. 0.99
02:59:20.000 That's what it is. 0.99
02:59:21.000 Yeah.
02:59:22.000 Do they have tiger bones or something like that?
02:59:25.000 Is that one of their ailments?
02:59:27.000 What do they use tigers for?
02:59:28.000 You've heard the Chairman Mao, his old sayings of...
02:59:31.000 His physician wrote a book after he died.
02:59:34.000 No, what did he say? 0.97
02:59:36.000 He was filthy. 0.98
02:59:37.000 He had syphilis. 0.99
02:59:39.000 He wouldn't brush his teeth.
02:59:40.000 And the doctor was like, listen, you've got to brush your teeth.
02:59:42.000 And I swear he got to go, does the tiger brush his teeth?
02:59:47.000 What do you even have to say?
02:59:48.000 That's like saying, this is New Orleans.
02:59:51.000 This is Las Vegas, Nevada.
02:59:53.000 This is not China. 0.85
02:59:55.000 Traditional Chinese medicine, tiger bones are believed to help cure conditions like rheumatism and arthritis, along with erectile dysfunction.
03:00:02.000 Rhino horns. 1.00
03:00:02.000 Oh my god, you put a rhino horn in your ass, you rub some tiger powder on your fucking balls. 1.00
03:00:06.000 And you're ready to go, baby! 1.00
03:00:09.000 Yeah, back when they all had syphilis and they just died of it, and it rotted their skin out, their teeth would fall out. 0.99
03:00:14.000 That's so fucking... 0.98
03:00:15.000 You see the Johnny Depp movie where he gets the nose fall off syphilis? 1.00
03:00:18.000 Oh, what was that movie?
03:00:20.000 The Libertine.
03:00:21.000 No.
03:00:22.000 Yeah, it's really like...
03:00:23.000 No, I didn't see that one. 0.64
03:00:24.000 I don't really kind of remember it, but I know at the end he's all fucking syphilitic, and it looks like... 0.95
03:00:30.000 He looks like a Dead Men Tell No Tales, Pirates of the Caribbean ghost. 0.98
03:00:34.000 Oh, God.
03:00:35.000 But that was a common thing, because you would just get syphilit.
03:00:37.000 Look at his eyeball, too.
03:00:39.000 He's got a dead eye.
03:00:40.000 He's got makeup on, the wig.
03:00:42.000 That's how people lived.
03:00:43.000 Imagine what they stunk like back then.
03:00:45.000 I know.
03:00:45.000 That's a thing I have.
03:00:47.000 Rotting, syphilitic.
03:00:50.000 With a wig on, sweating under the wig, makeup, cake skin, and ugh.
03:00:55.000 Just imagine.
03:00:56.000 No soap.
03:00:58.000 A pair of boots from...
03:00:59.000 And you've got open sores probably all over the place because of the syphilis.
03:01:03.000 If you lost your nose, it's not all you're losing. 1.00
03:01:05.000 You've got holes all over your fucking body. 1.00
03:01:08.000 Is that right? 1.00
03:01:09.000 You get like new nose holes besides...
03:01:10.000 Not just nose holes, dude. 1.00
03:01:12.000 Go to syphilis wounds, like syphilis autopsy, your fucking head falls. 1.00
03:01:17.000 Hey, more holes to fuck, or is that syphilis talk? 1.00
03:01:20.000 No, no, no, not like that. 1.00
03:01:21.000 Not like full holes.
03:01:22.000 No, I know.
03:01:23.000 Like holes in your skin, like where you could see your skull.
03:01:25.000 I know.
03:01:26.000 It was making me feel gross, and I wanted to change this.
03:01:30.000 Like, yes.
03:01:31.000 Is it really like that?
03:01:32.000 Yeah.
03:01:33.000 Do you know that that's where the whole powdered wig thing came from?
03:01:36.000 No.
03:01:37.000 Yeah, it came from people that had syphilis.
03:01:39.000 Particularly two, I believe there was French gentlemen who were royalty that were young and they contracted syphilis and their hair fell out and they started wearing wigs.
03:01:47.000 Look at that guy's face. 0.99
03:01:48.000 Holy shit. 1.00
03:01:49.000 Look on that one. 1.00
03:01:50.000 That's what happens to your face in syphilis. 1.00
03:01:53.000 Whose pussy did he eat? 1.00
03:01:54.000 Oh my god. 1.00
03:01:55.000 He looks like a little kid too.
03:01:57.000 His lips are gone, his nose is gone.
03:02:00.000 How would that be?
03:02:00.000 It just rots your skin out and leaves holes in your head.
03:02:04.000 Oh my god, dude.
03:02:05.000 Yeah.
03:02:07.000 Horrendous.
03:02:08.000 A powder wig's not gonna fix that. 0.98
03:02:10.000 No, so what happened? 0.99
03:02:11.000 Look, you get holes in your skin and shit. 1.00
03:02:13.000 Look at that guy's head. 1.00
03:02:14.000 Oh, no, put a wig on. 0.98
03:02:15.000 Look at that. 1.00
03:02:15.000 Look at that shit. 1.00
03:02:16.000 Get your wig. 1.00
03:02:17.000 I take it back. 1.00
03:02:18.000 Burning through his fucking head into his brain. 1.00
03:02:21.000 A nice comfortable wig on top of that. 1.00
03:02:24.000 That must feel fucking amazing. 1.00
03:02:26.000 These wealthy guys were like the shit. 1.00
03:02:28.000 What does it say? 1.00
03:02:29.000 Syphilis?
03:02:30.000 What is it?
03:02:31.000 All these men have it.
03:02:31.000 I believe syphilis, too.
03:02:33.000 By the way, syphilis or gonorrhea, that came from the New World.
03:02:37.000 Did it? 0.99
03:02:38.000 You know how, like, their flu that killed all the fucking... 0.99
03:02:40.000 Well, they brought back, uh... 0.99
03:02:42.000 Really?
03:02:43.000 Yeah, either gonorrhea or syphilis.
03:02:44.000 So it came from Native Americans?
03:02:46.000 Montezuma's Revenge.
03:02:47.000 Oh, wow.
03:02:48.000 Is that true?
03:02:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:02:50.000 Holy shit. 1.00
03:02:50.000 I mean, I assume. 1.00
03:02:51.000 That's what killed Al Capone, too, right?
03:02:53.000 Didn't it?
03:02:54.000 They say that, but there's a new movie coming out with Bane in it.
03:02:57.000 What's his name?
03:02:58.000 Oh, yeah.
03:02:59.000 Ed Hardy.
03:02:59.000 And he plays a syphilitic...
03:03:01.000 No, Tom Hardy. 1.00
03:03:01.000 Ed Hardy said the same shit. 1.00
03:03:03.000 Have you seen the Ed Hardy... 1.00
03:03:06.000 Ed Hardy?
03:03:07.000 I love Tom Hardy.
03:03:08.000 How dare you?
03:03:09.000 Yeah, Tom Hardy's gonna play as syphilitic, but this movie seems to be about that he was faking it.
03:03:14.000 Oh! 0.60
03:03:15.000 But I don't know. 0.99
03:03:16.000 Who fucking knows? 1.00
03:03:17.000 When someone's dead for 50 years, you can make up shit about them. 1.00
03:03:21.000 Yeah, stuff gets... 0.98
03:03:21.000 It's like, who cares? 0.98
03:03:22.000 Start making up what happened.
03:03:24.000 It sounded like he had...
03:03:25.000 I mean, I could believe he probably had syphilis.
03:03:27.000 Of course he had syphilis.
03:03:28.000 He probably had everything.
03:03:30.000 And I don't think he was getting enough meth.
03:03:31.000 At least JFK and Hitler were getting their meth. 0.95
03:03:35.000 Yeah, cocaine injections and testosterone shots.
03:03:39.000 What is this, the trailer?
03:03:41.000 Yeah, it's Neil Brandon.
03:03:41.000 Neil Brandon!
03:03:43.000 Look at Neil Brandon!
03:03:45.000 Al Capone.
03:03:47.000 Based on true events.
03:03:48.000 But you could just say that based on true events. 0.99
03:03:50.000 You could kind of fucking do whatever you want. 0.96
03:03:52.000 Yeah, true. 0.98
03:03:53.000 Do you just mean events?
03:03:55.000 Yeah, just something happened.
03:03:56.000 That's what events are, things that happened.
03:03:58.000 There was a guy who lived in the house and everything else was made up.
03:04:03.000 Yeah, Al Capone was a guy.
03:04:04.000 So the big wig thing came from these guys who were rich guys who wore these powdered wigs.
03:04:09.000 That's what a big wig is. 0.98
03:04:11.000 Yeah, and then other people wanted to copy them.
03:04:14.000 And so it became fashion.
03:04:15.000 A lot of them had syphilis.
03:04:17.000 And the more expensive your wig would be, the bigger it would be.
03:04:20.000 So that's why those guys were called big wigs. 0.75
03:04:22.000 No, because you'd have a lot of hair in it.
03:04:26.000 You gotta really distract from the rest of the part down here.
03:04:28.000 You're falling apart.
03:04:30.000 Legitimately.
03:04:31.000 Oh my god, dude. 1.00
03:04:31.000 And then they were still fucking. 1.00
03:04:32.000 Hoping their dick wouldn't rot off, but still fucking. 1.00
03:04:35.000 I think a lot of times the dick would rot off, wouldn't it? 1.00
03:04:38.000 That's what they looked like. 1.00
03:04:40.000 People just turned into cheese gradually back then?
03:04:42.000 Yeah, they just had holes in their face. 0.71
03:04:44.000 That guy has a hole in his face.
03:04:45.000 Aw, dude.
03:04:46.000 Look, the painter made him flattering, right? 0.99
03:04:50.000 That's the worst fucking part! 1.00
03:04:51.000 Yeah, look at that hole in his head. 1.00
03:04:53.000 That is a hole, right? 0.59
03:04:54.000 He's underselling.
03:04:54.000 Make the hole.
03:04:55.000 Idealize the hole in my face.
03:04:57.000 That's not a mole, right?
03:04:59.000 No.
03:04:59.000 It's huge.
03:05:00.000 Pull it up.
03:05:01.000 Make it larger.
03:05:03.000 So this guy has a syphilitic hole.
03:05:05.000 Is that a word?
03:05:06.000 Yeah, syphilitic. 0.97
03:05:07.000 Hole in his face.
03:05:09.000 And other than that, it looks great.
03:05:11.000 With his rosy lips.
03:05:12.000 Looks like he's got some lipstick on.
03:05:15.000 Nice outfit.
03:05:16.000 That's how foundation and... 1.00
03:05:19.000 If you were a royalty back then, you probably fucked all the peasants. 0.99
03:05:23.000 Right? 1.00
03:05:24.000 No, you would fuck a cousin and then whoever attends to your cousin in the castle. 1.00
03:05:29.000 Well, you would breed with a cousin, but you'd probably fuck a bunch of people on the sneak tip too, right? 1.00
03:05:34.000 Yeah, probably. 1.00
03:05:35.000 Yeah, you're a royal, and you've got a hole in your face, and you know how much time, right?
03:05:39.000 How much time do you think you've got left when you can see your teeth on the side?
03:05:42.000 Well, that's what Chairman Mao did. 0.99
03:05:43.000 He fucking stepped up his... 0.99
03:05:45.000 Stepped up his horn? 1.00
03:05:46.000 The guy told him he was sterile, and Chairman Mao took it to mean erectile dysfunction, but he just meant, no, I meant you can't have kids.
03:05:52.000 He goes, oh, I'm sterile, am I? And he just spread a whole bunch of...
03:05:57.000 And the girls were proud of it. 0.99
03:05:58.000 They would say, I caught the fucking... 1.00
03:06:00.000 I caught syphilis from Chairman Mao. 1.00
03:06:01.000 Yeah, because that's a fucking cult and a half. 1.00
03:06:06.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:06:06.000 Now that to your mom's house shirt. 1.00
03:06:08.000 I got syphilis from Chairman now. 0.52
03:06:10.000 Have a hoe with like half her face hanging out. 1.00
03:06:13.000 Yeah, dude.
03:06:15.000 It's crazy, the details.
03:06:17.000 Can you imagine that they were proud?
03:06:19.000 Is that real?
03:06:20.000 Like, I'm proud I lost my lips.
03:06:22.000 Listen, didn't the chick from Smallville get a brand of some guy from like a multi-level, not even a cult, like a multi-level marketing seminar? 1.00
03:06:31.000 She's like, oh yeah, no, brand my ass. 1.00
03:06:35.000 Right. 1.00
03:06:36.000 Right, it was like that vitamin company.
03:06:38.000 That guy did that without any tigers.
03:06:40.000 He did that completely tiger-free.
03:06:42.000 How did that guy do that?
03:06:43.000 He got women to be his tigers. 0.98
03:06:45.000 They would go out and get other women. 1.00
03:06:47.000 I make them feel comfortable.
03:06:48.000 What do you think?
03:06:50.000 Was there acid involved?
03:06:51.000 Was there any kind of drugs involved?
03:06:53.000 No, just group manipulation.
03:06:54.000 That's it?
03:06:55.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:06:56.000 Acid, that's why it's so stupid, those experiments, because I feel like somebody could have told you that. 0.99
03:07:02.000 That's just like a seasoning on top of something that's already there. 0.99
03:07:06.000 Right.
03:07:07.000 There's not a drug that puts a thing there that wasn't there.
03:07:10.000 It lets something out that was in there, you know?
03:07:14.000 I don't know if you're right.
03:07:16.000 I don't know if you're right about acid.
03:07:18.000 Religion gets to who you are. 0.95
03:07:20.000 If something you're devoted, it's something that gets to who you are.
03:07:23.000 I'm sure.
03:07:23.000 That's why people can't leave because that would be like I wouldn't exist anymore.
03:07:27.000 Because this is what I am.
03:07:29.000 I'm sure that's true without any acid and without drugs.
03:07:32.000 But I do think that they showed that you can do things to people if you get them daily acid and manipulate them.
03:07:42.000 I think it was a pretty sophisticated... 0.99
03:07:44.000 Yeah, I'm sure you can disorient people and fucking... 0.96
03:07:46.000 Well, they even thought they're pretty sure that they were able to get people to do things. 0.97
03:07:51.000 Like, get people to commit murder, get people to do things that would never do those things.
03:07:56.000 I mean, well, I'm sure that it doesn't help.
03:08:00.000 I just don't, like, Ted Kaczynski, like, I can see, that looks like something getting out of hand.
03:08:05.000 Like, our acid experiment created a thing we didn't anticipate.
03:08:08.000 Not that that was the end goal.
03:08:10.000 Right, right, right.
03:08:11.000 I agree with you.
03:08:13.000 Yeah, I think with Kaczynski, what happened was he just made sense, but he made sense in a way that people were like, yeah, but you don't blow up the guy who's making the circuit boards.
03:08:20.000 No, that's the issue.
03:08:21.000 It's just like, hey, I don't get why... 0.98
03:08:25.000 Okay, great, the trains run on time, but why would you have to kill 6 million Jews?
03:08:28.000 Like, how does one correlate to the next? 0.93
03:08:31.000 Right.
03:08:31.000 You know, like, that's why I said it seems like it came from the future.
03:08:35.000 So, you're like, that's exactly what's going on right now.
03:08:39.000 And he knew ahead of time.
03:08:40.000 Well, you've got to think, you've got a brilliant guy, and then you dose him up with acid at Harvard.
03:08:45.000 Right.
03:08:46.000 Yeah, right.
03:08:46.000 So he probably thinks, hey, I made it to Harvard.
03:08:49.000 He's all scrambled up, and he's still smart, but it's all, like, faulty.
03:08:54.000 What was it, A Brilliant Mind, that movie?
03:08:56.000 Yeah, right.
03:08:57.000 Yeah, Russell Crowe, remember? 0.90
03:08:59.000 Was it that brilliant for him to figure out to go hit on the ugly chick, so the hot chick... 1.00
03:09:03.000 He won a fucking Nobel Prize for that. 0.99
03:09:05.000 I don't think that was the point. 0.99
03:09:06.000 Hit on the 7 over the 10 was his big...
03:09:09.000 Remember when he went crazy?
03:09:11.000 In the movie, yeah.
03:09:12.000 Yeah.
03:09:12.000 Well, I think that if you just gave him acid, he probably would have gone crazy too.
03:09:15.000 I think there's a lot of people...
03:09:16.000 Well, they say that acid does that if you have mental...
03:09:18.000 It can definitely get to a...
03:09:20.000 Yeah.
03:09:21.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:09:21.000 You can shake that shit loose. 1.00
03:09:22.000 Yeah. 1.00
03:09:23.000 So can pot. 0.67
03:09:24.000 Isn't that what the guy from the Beach Boys said happened?
03:09:27.000 Because he smoked so much pot?
03:09:28.000 Which one?
03:09:28.000 The one that hung out with the Mansons?
03:09:30.000 Because one of the Beach Boys, Brian Wilson, he hung out with the Mansons. 0.96
03:09:34.000 He's in the book.
03:09:34.000 A lot.
03:09:36.000 He's a lot in that book.
03:09:37.000 But he had a guru who was his own personal NXIVM guy for a while.
03:09:41.000 And he said he smoked pot and wouldn't come out of his house.
03:09:45.000 I'm not surprised.
03:09:47.000 Yeah, he blamed marijuana.
03:09:48.000 But yeah, marijuana is not like a...
03:09:51.000 A panacea of medicine for all your problems. 0.99
03:09:54.000 Well, not only that, marijuana can fuck you up if you're not ready for it. 0.99
03:09:59.000 It can, especially now. 0.99
03:10:00.000 I don't know.
03:10:01.000 I like to find good mids again.
03:10:04.000 You don't want to get too deep sometimes.
03:10:07.000 I think in this podcast, there was many times where I don't know what we were talking about. 0.99
03:10:11.000 Yeah, because I smoked a fucking blunt. 0.99
03:10:14.000 By the way, it was to get at that tobacco in the leaf. 1.00
03:10:17.000 Of course.
03:10:17.000 You want it.
03:10:18.000 Yeah. 0.95
03:10:18.000 I was like, why don't I hit this bunny? 0.95
03:10:20.000 That delicious tobacco.
03:10:22.000 That sweet, sweet nicotine.
03:10:23.000 Soothing me and celebrating no COVID-19.
03:10:25.000 Yeah.
03:10:28.000 How worried about you are you?
03:10:31.000 How worried about all this are you?
03:10:33.000 Is it something you get anxiety over?
03:10:35.000 Are you really just relaxed?
03:10:36.000 I mean, I need those road dates to pay my rent, so that's worrying.
03:10:40.000 Yeah.
03:10:41.000 But I'm not worried like the end of the world.
03:10:43.000 I mean, I just don't even have that.
03:10:45.000 I wonder what's going to happen in terms of the restructuring of society when things bounce back.
03:10:51.000 It's going to be like China, dude. 1.00
03:10:52.000 It'll be just like China. 0.99
03:10:53.000 A bunch of people.
03:10:53.000 It'll look like Naruto.
03:10:55.000 Everybody's got a mask on like everybody's a ninja.
03:10:58.000 That's why I saw a bunch of people in masks.
03:11:00.000 It looked like Blade Runner, kind of.
03:11:02.000 It's just going to be like that.
03:11:03.000 I'm worried about that.
03:11:03.000 That's not going to be good for us.
03:11:06.000 Well, I mean, hopefully it helps with this whole COVID virus.
03:11:11.000 I hope it does help.
03:11:13.000 I hope there's something better even.
03:11:14.000 I hope there's some sort of medication comes out of this.
03:11:17.000 Well, at a certain point, it'll be like...
03:11:20.000 Like a Tamiflu.
03:11:21.000 If it doesn't deliver on the amount of deaths that it's promised, then people, that's what people will be like, all right, come on.
03:11:26.000 Yeah.
03:11:26.000 No, I think you're right.
03:11:29.000 Yeah, I just wonder.
03:11:30.000 I wonder how long that's going to take.
03:11:32.000 Like, seeing how Vegas wants to reopen, and then Anderson Cooper talking about that lady. 0.98
03:11:37.000 Do you see their ads where they're like, hey, listen, Vegas, don't even worry about Vegas.
03:11:41.000 Right now you just quarantined.
03:11:43.000 Vegas is still here.
03:11:45.000 They're still advertising.
03:11:46.000 Like, don't forget about Vegas.
03:11:48.000 I saw an ad like that for a car.
03:11:50.000 They just showed an empty road.
03:11:51.000 Don't even worry about driving.
03:11:53.000 Stay home.
03:11:54.000 Dodge.
03:11:55.000 I forget what it was.
03:11:56.000 I despise ad people.
03:11:58.000 Like, whoever the Don Drapers are.
03:12:00.000 The same guy that made that Gillette ad?
03:12:02.000 No, it was a Czech.
03:12:03.000 It was an Australian, like... 1.00
03:12:04.000 Oh, really? 0.98
03:12:05.000 There's a whole new, like, crop of, like, young-ish, you know, kind of, like, feminist drivel. 1.00
03:12:12.000 But it's, like, in ads.
03:12:14.000 It's, like, you know...
03:12:15.000 Woke ads?
03:12:16.000 Yeah, but that's how you know woke was going.
03:12:20.000 Because once it's commodified, like, hey, kids, you're woke, right?
03:12:22.000 We're a corporation. 0.99
03:12:23.000 Like, now that corporations had it, it's been dead for a fucking... 0.99
03:12:27.000 Right. 0.99
03:12:28.000 It's corporate-created punk rock.
03:12:29.000 Yeah, it's horrid. 0.94
03:12:32.000 That makes it gross.
03:12:33.000 Like, when it was some granola kid spouting, it was more hilarious.
03:12:37.000 Yeah.
03:12:37.000 Remember, like, everything you hear about colleges, like, ah, those kids.
03:12:40.000 But they all, a lot of them came out in the real world and...
03:12:43.000 What's interesting to me about the thing, almost as much as the kids themselves, is the intelligent adults who should know better that want those kids to push the radical ideas because they thought of those kids as almost like the soldiers on the far left.
03:12:57.000 Throw them onto the beaches of Normandy.
03:12:58.000 And they don't understand that they're the first ones to go.
03:13:01.000 The people that think like that, they have no idea they're more despised than anybody on the right. 1.00
03:13:06.000 They hate a fucking... 1.00
03:13:08.000 Jon Stewart-era liberal more than any? 1.00
03:13:11.000 I mean, they're calling them boomers.
03:13:15.000 Those are all Gen Xers. 0.96
03:13:16.000 They're not boomers, but that's how the disdain. 0.98
03:13:18.000 Yeah, and the ones that are really forcing compliance, they want to reshape the world.
03:13:22.000 They want to reshape the way people behave.
03:13:23.000 I know people personally that are like good friends that are like, their feeling is like, I just want it to be like Biden.
03:13:30.000 Because it'll just, then they're going to calm down.
03:13:33.000 Like, no, they're not going to calm down because they got a little taste of power.
03:13:36.000 Yeah, they're going to want full socialism.
03:13:43.000 It's kind of funny because a lot of them don't. 0.99
03:13:45.000 A lot of them are just like fucking silly upper middle class kind of twits that are pretending that they're fucking so, but they don't want the first thing about it. 0.99
03:13:54.000 Who's that guy that got the adpocalypse on fucking YouTube from Vox? 1.00
03:13:58.000 Remember that? 0.99
03:13:59.000 Yes, yeah.
03:14:00.000 Like, that guy, he's a rich kid.
03:14:02.000 It comes out, he's a rich kid.
03:14:03.000 Yeah.
03:14:03.000 So that's who does...
03:14:04.000 They're not really socialists.
03:14:06.000 They like the feeling.
03:14:07.000 They like the Che Guevara kind of t-shirt feeling they get.
03:14:10.000 Yes.
03:14:10.000 And then they also like the good life.
03:14:12.000 Yes. 0.99
03:14:13.000 That's why it's all silly kind of people. 1.00
03:14:15.000 The people I know that spout that shit, most of them have money. 1.00
03:14:18.000 I've never... 1.00
03:14:18.000 I can't think of anybody not doing... 1.00
03:14:20.000 Because they don't have real problems, so they think everyone's a bigot. 0.99
03:14:23.000 Imagine, I mean, imagine caring about fucking... 0.99
03:14:25.000 You see Joaquin Phoenix talking about dairy, like... 0.99
03:14:29.000 Can you just imagine bringing up milk or like charging on the stairs?
03:14:33.000 That's right.
03:14:33.000 I really knew Bernie was unfit to be president when they took his mic twice.
03:14:37.000 Two elections.
03:14:37.000 Oh, the Black Lives Matter people?
03:14:39.000 First those girls took his mic, then two white girls. 1.00
03:14:41.000 You let few black girls do it, guess what? 1.00
03:14:44.000 Now white girls are going to do it. 1.00
03:14:46.000 Your president has to hold his mic.
03:14:48.000 Yeah, you can't let him take your mic.
03:14:50.000 Oh, maybe it was something really important.
03:14:52.000 To stop milk. 1.00
03:14:53.000 Bro, how shit is his security? 1.00
03:14:56.000 You think, I mean, holy shit. 1.00
03:14:58.000 How bad are they? 1.00
03:15:00.000 How bad is the security? 1.00
03:15:01.000 He should have had an all-female, you know, like a slick motherfucker, I have a female defense force to fucking crack him in there, to talk about milk, to run on, like, Bernie, stop the dairy. 1.00
03:15:11.000 He's from fucking Vermont. 1.00
03:15:13.000 He's not going to stop the dairy. 1.00
03:15:15.000 Are you fucking high? 1.00
03:15:16.000 The land of cheese hippies? 1.00
03:15:19.000 That's, the dairy's going to be fine.
03:15:21.000 Listen, up in Vermont, man, you need that cheese just to stay alive in the winter. 0.99
03:15:25.000 Just imagine giving a shit about milk like that. 0.99
03:15:28.000 Imagine thinking that you need to interrupt the president, a guy who you probably want to be president. 0.99
03:15:33.000 You've got to interrupt his campaign speech to get your ideas crossed.
03:15:35.000 I feel like you didn't get enough vitamin D milk as a kid to help you be balanced.
03:15:40.000 Yeah.
03:15:40.000 You've got to eat meat.
03:15:42.000 Because they're topless. 0.93
03:15:43.000 By the way, don't do your message topless because I don't care what the message is. 0.99
03:15:46.000 I'm just looking at your tits now. 1.00
03:15:47.000 For sure. 1.00
03:15:48.000 It's not helping your... 0.99
03:15:50.000 Yeah, if that's your argument about Derry, you might really just want everybody to see your tits. 0.99
03:15:55.000 Yeah. 0.99
03:15:56.000 The older protester kept her shirt on. 1.00
03:15:59.000 Right.
03:15:59.000 Yeah.
03:16:00.000 She probably didn't even know the one was doing tits. 1.00
03:16:03.000 Oh, we're doing tits great. 1.00
03:16:04.000 She was probably in the moment. 0.99
03:16:06.000 I just was thinking last night, maybe, I pulled my tits out to really make a point. 0.99
03:16:10.000 She was like how Ari Shafir would do it if he was always have a reason to take your shirt off. 1.00
03:16:15.000 Yes.
03:16:16.000 She Shafir'd it. 1.00
03:16:16.000 She Shafir'd it. 1.00
03:16:18.000 Dude, it's already 7 o'clock. 1.00
03:16:20.000 Oh shit, really? 0.99
03:16:21.000 Yeah, we flew by. 1.00
03:16:22.000 Well, we got very high.
03:16:23.000 We did get really high.
03:16:24.000 That was tremendous, that blunt, dude.
03:16:27.000 I know.
03:16:27.000 This is Speedweed.
03:16:28.000 Shout out to Gino.
03:16:29.000 Oh yeah.
03:16:29.000 I hope they make a comeback.
03:16:30.000 Man, I miss that fucking... 0.99
03:16:31.000 That's why I was doing my podcast. 0.99
03:16:33.000 Yeah, well, you know...
03:16:35.000 We'll be, hopefully, be back in moving order soon.
03:16:40.000 When?
03:16:40.000 I don't know.
03:16:41.000 But hopefully, everybody out there, thank you for listening.
03:16:44.000 Yeah, thanks.
03:16:44.000 Thank you for watching.
03:16:45.000 Hope everybody's good.
03:16:46.000 Oh, wait.
03:16:46.000 Can I say my podcast?
03:16:47.000 Oh, yeah.
03:16:48.000 And tell people your Twitter and all that jazz.
03:16:50.000 Yeah, I'm on Instagram, Kurt Metzger Comedy.
03:16:53.000 And my podcast is Can't Get Right on Gas Digital.
03:16:57.000 And I'm doing these things with Kyle Dunnigan.
03:16:59.000 If you can go on Kyle Dunnigan's Instagram, we're trying to make a sketch show out of it.
03:17:04.000 But he has a mailing list where you can get the info when we set up.
03:17:09.000 Is it on his Instagram mailing list or his website?
03:17:13.000 It's on his website.
03:17:15.000 Is that KyleDunigan.com?
03:17:17.000 Hold on, I'll tell you.
03:17:21.000 Let's see.
03:17:22.000 Link to my website.
03:17:23.000 He didn't say his website.
03:17:24.000 It's Kyle Dunn again.
03:17:25.000 Okay, he doesn't say it?
03:17:26.000 Just a link to my website? 1.00
03:17:27.000 If you go to Instagram, you know Kyle shit. 0.99
03:17:29.000 He makes you Google him. 0.99
03:17:30.000 But he really, when Bill Maher didn't know who he was, that really set off a chain reaction.
03:17:35.000 Did it?
03:17:35.000 Oh, yeah.
03:17:36.000 Yeah, that bit's hilarious.
03:17:38.000 That video's hilarious.
03:17:39.000 Alright, that's it.
03:17:41.000 Alright, bye everybody.
03:17:42.000 Thanks.
03:17:43.000 Thank you. 0.97
03:17:44.000 Dude, that's fucking big. 0.98