The Joe Rogan Experience - August 20, 2020


Joe Rogan Experience #1528 - Nikki Glaser

Topics
asteroid impact alien manipulation theory mules protests spike hospital cases peer pressure lazy eyes fetish getting on plane dating apps porn addiction gangbangs porn addiction Parkinson's patient wins lawsuit ketamine therapy exercise and scheduling video games ringside timer crying and vulnerability dates
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Nikki Glaser
Mentioned
Ellen DeGeneres Drew Michael Yeo GlaxoSmithKline Rogers Gang Bert Bert Kreischer Rhonda Patrick Jerry Seinfeld George Carlin Amy Winehouse Jesus Christ Neil Brennan Tom Segura Mark Norman Lady Gaga Jay Leno Senji Zoom and 47 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1527 - David Blaine Joe Rogan Experience #1529 - Whitney Cummings & Annie Lederman

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 32 minutes

Words per minute

196.08

Word count

29,938

Sentence count

3,453

Harmful content

Misogyny

115

sentences flagged

Toxicity

596

sentences flagged

Hate speech

52

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian Joe Rogan is back after a long break. He talks about how he's feeling the effects of not being able to perform, how he feels about comedy clubs in general, and what he's looking forward to in the near future. Also, he talks about why he shaved his head in support of a friend who has cancer and why he thinks it's a good idea to shave your head in honor of someone you care about. And he asks a question about the future of stand-up comedy clubs and what it's like to be a comedian in New York City now that there are so many options for people who don't want to go out and do standup anymore. Joe also talks about what it was like growing up in a Jewish household and how he dealt with the trauma of growing up with a Jewish father and a Jewish mother, and how that affected his comedy career. Finally, he asks the question, what's the worst thing a comedian can do after a break from comedy? and the answer is, nothing! at least he knows what to do now that he doesn't have to go to work in a bar anymore, which is a good thing, because comedy clubs are running out of money and people aren't going to be able to afford what they used to do it the old fashioned way. This episode was produced and edited by David Fincher and Sarah Abdurrahman. The opinions expressed in this episode are our own opinions and not those of our own. We do not own the rights to any of the music used in the songs used in this podcast. . We are not affiliated with any of these songs used or produced by any of them. or any of our songs used without permission. Thank you for any credit given or provided by our patrons. , and we do not claim any other credit for any other source of funding or credit given to the other artists unless otherwise expressed in the song was given to us by a third party. If you'd like to support us, we'd really appreciate the support we've gotten so far, we really appreciate it. Thank you very much, really really appreciate your support and appreciate the love and support we have received from the music provided by you. and we really do appreciate it, it really means a lot, it's very much appreciates it. We really appreciate you, really means it, really helps us, really deeply.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Three, two, one.
00:00:01.000 Hello, Nikki.
00:00:02.000 Hello, Joe Rogan.
00:00:04.000 So I saw your tweet.
00:00:05.000 This is how this all came about.
00:00:06.000 And you said you were going to shave your head in solidarity for a friend who has cancer.
00:00:11.000 And then you're like, actually, there's no friend.
00:00:13.000 And I was like, oh, no.
00:00:15.000 Nikki's going crazy. 0.99
00:00:16.000 Yeah, I'm going off to the fucking deep end is what I said. 1.00
00:00:19.000 Yes. 0.99
00:00:20.000 I think we all are.
00:00:21.000 And I've been trying to check in on everybody because all of us comedians have not had our medicine.
00:00:29.000 That's a good point.
00:00:31.000 We're junkies.
00:00:32.000 We're laugh junkies.
00:00:33.000 We really are.
00:00:35.000 I didn't realize how much...
00:00:37.000 I mean, I knew I missed it, but I did one weekend in Houston a month or so ago.
00:00:42.000 And then right away, I was like, oh my god, I got my fix.
00:00:46.000 And then talking to all these people that are doing...
00:00:49.000 Mark Norm's doing shows in a park.
00:00:52.000 Burt Kreischer's doing drive-ins.
00:00:54.000 I'm doing them too.
00:00:55.000 Are you?
00:00:56.000 Yeah, I'm going out next weekend.
00:00:58.000 What is it?
00:00:58.000 Have you done them yet?
00:00:59.000 No.
00:01:00.000 I'm terrified.
00:01:01.000 So you haven't done any stand-up since March?
00:01:02.000 Well, no, I've done stand-up.
00:01:03.000 I've been sneaking around.
00:01:04.000 I mean, I did Salt Lake City.
00:01:06.000 I went out there in July and did Wise Guys.
00:01:09.000 How was that?
00:01:09.000 Because they were doing it really responsibly.
00:01:10.000 It was good.
00:01:12.000 It was fine.
00:01:13.000 I mean, it felt good to be on stage, but it felt weird.
00:01:15.000 Like, I need to be going out every night to feel really good.
00:01:18.000 You know, it had been so many months that I just, I need to get some momentum.
00:01:22.000 I need to work out a little bit.
00:01:24.000 So it felt like I was getting my sea legs back.
00:01:26.000 But I had good shows.
00:01:28.000 And the room is just, it's just, they're not seating the room like the way comedy is supposed to be seated, which is everyone bunched together as close to the stage as possible.
00:01:37.000 It's like, it's the worst seated.
00:01:40.000 The seating for comedy shows now is like a terrible club.
00:01:44.000 You know you go to a club and they don't know how to seat and they just let people sit wherever they want.
00:01:47.000 It's like a shitty open mic when you first started.
00:01:49.000 That's the way it feels like now.
00:01:50.000 Because everyone has to be spread out, so it's never going to feel as good as it felt before.
00:01:57.000 With a sold-out crowd, and no matter how good the laughs are, them spread out in a big room.
00:02:03.000 They didn't spread them out too much in Houston, I'm going to be honest with you.
00:02:06.000 I don't know what they did in Houston.
00:02:08.000 They said it was 75% capacity when we were there, and I'm like, I don't know.
00:02:12.000 I know that's what they say!
00:02:13.000 I don't want to walk around with a clicker and start counting heads, but it was a lot of folks in there.
00:02:18.000 No, I did one gig like that in St. Louis that I felt like...
00:02:22.000 Okay, I don't I don't feel good about this.
00:02:24.000 I did it because I Wanted I was far enough from everyone to feel good about it But I felt bad that maybe the audience Got there and was like we were sold a different Yeah idea of what this would be because we get in there and we're seated a little bit too close But wise guys in Salt Lake they did it really like if I felt good about being there I didn't feel like anyone was gonna get sick.
00:02:44.000 How many did they see?
00:02:46.000 It was definitely like a third capacity.
00:02:50.000 I mean, the guy is just struggling to stay open.
00:02:52.000 They all are.
00:02:53.000 It's so sad, but it didn't feel good.
00:02:56.000 All the loans are drying up.
00:02:58.000 All the relief is drying up.
00:03:00.000 Are there going to be comedy clubs to even go to after all of this?
00:03:04.000 It's a real good question.
00:03:05.000 I'm nervous.
00:03:06.000 It's a real good question.
00:03:07.000 There's going to be a lot less.
00:03:09.000 And then what happens?
00:03:11.000 Because a lot of bars are going under too.
00:03:13.000 So it's not like you're going to be able to replace them with bar shows.
00:03:15.000 Because who knows how many bars are going under?
00:03:18.000 I know.
00:03:18.000 Who knows how many restaurants are going under?
00:03:20.000 New York City, I think it's something like 4,000 businesses are done.
00:03:25.000 That is so crazy.
00:03:26.000 In Manhattan.
00:03:28.000 I think that was the number, and I read that a month and a half ago.
00:03:31.000 It's got to be more by now.
00:03:32.000 Oh, for sure.
00:03:32.000 4,000.
00:03:33.000 I mean, I haven't been there since before COVID, even though I have an apartment there, and I just hear it's just...
00:03:39.000 I don't want to be there.
00:03:40.000 Yeah, I have a good buddy of mine who lives there still. 0.99
00:03:42.000 He's been there the whole time, and he says it's a fucking war zone. 0.99
00:03:45.000 He said it's terrifying. 0.99
00:03:46.000 He said, first of all, there's so much violence.
00:03:48.000 There's so much crime.
00:03:48.000 He has a friend that's a cop as well.
00:03:51.000 And, you know, he sent me the sheet of all the things that happened that night.
00:03:55.000 And it's just nuts.
00:03:56.000 Like so many shootings.
00:03:57.000 And the shootings are off the charts.
00:03:58.000 So like back to like the 1970s times, like when Times Square was a junkie war zone.
00:04:04.000 They had it figured out for a couple years there.
00:04:06.000 Yeah.
00:04:07.000 Well, I don't know what...
00:04:10.000 We were talking about James Altercher wrote a piece about New York City's dead and it's not coming back.
00:04:15.000 It's a sobering read. 0.97
00:04:17.000 It's in the Post today or yesterday, but it's a fucking sobering read. 0.97
00:04:22.000 Because you read it and it's not hyperbole. 0.97
00:04:24.000 Everything he's saying makes sense.
00:04:26.000 Yeah.
00:04:27.000 There's no reason for me to go back there.
00:04:30.000 I've been considering going back just because you don't want to abandon this city that you like so much and people that are staying there are saying, like, everyone left.
00:04:39.000 Do you own your apartment?
00:04:40.000 No, thank God.
00:04:41.000 But I signed on for a year lease that started March 1st.
00:04:46.000 Oh, yikes.
00:04:48.000 The most expensive apartment.
00:04:50.000 Truly paying three times the rent that I've ever paid.
00:04:53.000 Because I was supposed to have a really good year because I was going on a theater tour that ended.
00:04:56.000 So I'm out a lot of money every month.
00:05:00.000 I'm trying to find a sublease.
00:05:01.000 We keep lowering the rent.
00:05:03.000 I mean, I'm just out a year.
00:05:05.000 That was a thing in Altucher's piece.
00:05:07.000 It said that the New York City rental rates have gone down 50%.
00:05:10.000 Which is crazy.
00:05:12.000 It's crazy.
00:05:13.000 I was looking for an apartment in January and February.
00:05:16.000 If I would have waited a month, I could have saved so much.
00:05:19.000 So yeah, I've got an empty place there.
00:05:20.000 My assistant's just living there, and all my stuff is just sitting there in storage.
00:05:25.000 I don't know what to do.
00:05:25.000 I don't know where to go.
00:05:26.000 At least your assistant's there.
00:05:28.000 Yeah, it's nice.
00:05:29.000 Someone's there.
00:05:31.000 It must be weird for her, too, because it's an empty city.
00:05:35.000 It's weird moving around there.
00:05:37.000 Yeah, it is.
00:05:38.000 I don't know what you do all day. 0.86
00:05:42.000 Because that's the thing about living in New York is that you have a shitty small apartment because you're just out doing stuff all the time. 0.84
00:05:48.000 Now you can't do anything. 0.98
00:05:49.000 So you're just in a shitty apartment. 0.97
00:05:51.000 I mean, my apartment's pretty nice. 0.98
00:05:54.000 I never got to step foot in it.
00:05:58.000 But apparently it's nice.
00:05:59.000 Same building Atel lives in, I guess.
00:06:01.000 You guess?
00:06:02.000 You never asked him?
00:06:03.000 Well, she just told me.
00:06:04.000 I think I saw Atel the other day, so I think he's in there.
00:06:07.000 Anybody buying cigarettes?
00:06:10.000 There was a bunch of podcasts that I've done about apocalyptic disasters and downfall of civilizations and the Mayans and the Egyptians and asteroid impacts.
00:06:23.000 And we're right on course.
00:06:24.000 No, but I was always looking at those going, wow, it's fascinating.
00:06:28.000 That's fascinating.
00:06:28.000 But I never thought in my life that I would see something relatively minor in terms of the amount of destruction it's done to human life.
00:06:40.000 It's worse than a flu, but it's not like the pandemic of 1918 or any of these other horrific disasters that have happened.
00:06:48.000 But to see such an effect...
00:06:51.000 That it has on our civilization.
00:06:52.000 You go, well, what if there was like an asteroid impact?
00:06:55.000 Or what if there was a solar?
00:06:57.000 How much worse would it be?
00:07:00.000 A lot worse!
00:07:02.000 Yeah, I think it's...
00:07:03.000 I'm so scared.
00:07:04.000 I've always thought that we were gonna live to see the end.
00:07:08.000 Did you really?
00:07:09.000 I do think that.
00:07:10.000 Why?
00:07:10.000 People always go, why?
00:07:11.000 Nikki, every generation thinks they're gonna live to see the end and it never happens, you know?
00:07:16.000 And I go, well, someone's gonna be around for it.
00:07:19.000 There will be people here when the asteroid hits, when the supervolcano erupts, when...
00:07:26.000 The aliens land.
00:07:27.000 When the aliens land.
00:07:29.000 Or when they tell us that they've been here a while, when they finally reveal that they've been here.
00:07:34.000 Is that what you think?
00:07:35.000 I don't know.
00:07:35.000 What do you think?
00:07:36.000 I think so.
00:07:37.000 They're here.
00:07:38.000 Yeah.
00:07:38.000 I think if there was an island that had chimps that were figuring out dynamite, we'd keep a close eye on them.
00:07:46.000 If there's a bunch of advanced chim- Right now, we have primates, lower primates. 0.99
00:07:53.000 We have monkeys, we have chimps, we have gorillas, and then we have humans.
00:07:57.000 There's nothing in between that used to be there, right?
00:07:59.000 But what if we found an island, and it did have Australopithecus, and maybe they had spears, or maybe they had some primitive weapons, and we were keeping an eye on them, and someone had figured out dynamite.
00:08:14.000 They would be studying them so closely.
00:08:16.000 But they wouldn't stop them in their tracks?
00:08:19.000 Why would they stop dynamite?
00:08:20.000 Like, let them watch.
00:08:21.000 Let's see what happens.
00:08:22.000 I think they wouldn't.
00:08:24.000 They're just going to watch us destroy ourselves before they even...
00:08:26.000 No, I think nuclear weapons is where they stepped in.
00:08:30.000 And if you pay attention to the timeline of UFOlogy, when you look at the UFO history of sightings and of, like, the really big sightings, all of them came post the Manhattan Project.
00:08:44.000 Oh.
00:08:45.000 So I think once we started detonating nukes, they were like, yo, these monkeys are lit.
00:08:50.000 Like, what are they doing? 1.00
00:08:51.000 These fucking crazy assholes, they found a spot in Nevada, and they're just detonating bombs all the time to see how they work. 1.00
00:08:58.000 But why are they just kind of being seen sometimes, slipping up, we see them, and then sometimes they're not? 1.00
00:09:07.000 What's going on there with sightings?
00:09:09.000 Why are they messing up?
00:09:10.000 I don't think they are messing up.
00:09:12.000 They want us to know that...
00:09:13.000 I don't think they're terribly concerned about us seeing them, but I don't think they visit that often.
00:09:19.000 I was just reading about this scientific research.
00:09:23.000 It was Forest Galante had this scientific research where they found this mouse that they thought had been extinct since 1968. It's this weird sort of kangaroo-like tiny rodent.
00:09:35.000 It has like kangaroo legs and it bounces around.
00:09:38.000 And, you know, this is something that people will go and they'll study.
00:09:43.000 But they didn't find it since 1968. So how many people are studying it?
00:09:47.000 Not that many, right?
00:09:48.000 Right.
00:09:48.000 So how many aliens?
00:09:50.000 There's a little fucker. 1.00
00:09:50.000 Look at him. 1.00
00:09:51.000 It's so cute.
00:09:53.000 Adorable.
00:09:54.000 Look at his little anteater nose.
00:09:56.000 Yeah, I know.
00:09:57.000 And they thought that this...
00:09:59.000 They thought this guy was gone.
00:10:00.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:10:01.000 And now he's back.
00:10:02.000 So it says, imagine a creature the size of a rat related to an elephant with the legs of a kangaroo that's been lost to science since 1968. That's the Somali Senji, an adorable elephant shrew recently discovered in...
00:10:17.000 Boy, say that word.
00:10:17.000 Djibouti.
00:10:18.000 Djibouti?
00:10:20.000 Djibouti.
00:10:20.000 Djibouti.
00:10:21.000 Researchers from Duke Lemur Center Association, Djibouti, Nature and the Cal Academy found that the Somali Senji not only still exists, but appears to be doing well, with population numbers appearing to be quite high.
00:10:36.000 My point is, how many people were looking for that thing?
00:10:39.000 It was a small handful of scientists.
00:10:41.000 How many aliens would come here?
00:10:43.000 How many?
00:10:43.000 Oh yeah, you're right.
00:10:44.000 Small handful.
00:10:45.000 Yeah, not that many.
00:10:47.000 We're that little mouse.
00:10:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:10:49.000 I think so.
00:10:51.000 I think we're probably more interesting than the mouse because obviously we have the ability to manipulate matter.
00:10:56.000 Pretty cute.
00:10:56.000 Pretty cute.
00:10:57.000 Adorable.
00:10:58.000 I could have watched that thing scamper about all day.
00:11:01.000 We are dangerous.
00:11:02.000 We have the ability to destroy all life on the planet. 0.99
00:11:05.000 Like, if Russia shot at us and we shot at them and then China jumped in and said, fuck it, it's over, and everybody just started pressing the nuke buttons, this whole planet would be wiped out of life. 0.99
00:11:15.000 We'd be relegated to bacteria. 1.00
00:11:18.000 Right.
00:11:19.000 Quickly.
00:11:20.000 What does it matter to them if we destroy ourselves?
00:11:23.000 They need us for something.
00:11:25.000 This is the question.
00:11:27.000 Why are we so different from all the other animals on the planet?
00:11:31.000 Why?
00:11:32.000 If you talk to evolutionary biologists, there's a clear path between lower hominids and human beings. 0.92
00:11:37.000 But it's not a path that you could detail every single step of the way.
00:11:41.000 And there's some giant holes.
00:11:42.000 And one of the big holes is the size of the human brain.
00:11:45.000 The human brain doubled over a period of two million years, which is apparently, if you talk to biologists, the biggest mystery in the entire fossil record.
00:11:53.000 They have no idea why.
00:11:55.000 Because not only is it...
00:11:57.000 Crazy thing that an organ doubles in size over a period of two million years But it's the very organ that came up with the idea of evolution in the first place It's the it's the organ that thinks is the organ that recognizes consciousness It's the organ that recognizes creativity and allows people to invent things and and you know and Innovation and all the different things that are responsible for all the crazy The crazy technology that separates human beings from all the other animals all comes from this one thing,
00:12:27.000 the human mind.
00:12:28.000 And this human brain is the one organ that baffles scientists.
00:12:32.000 They have no idea what happened.
00:12:34.000 There's all these theories about, well, maybe it was psychedelic drugs, like that was Terence McKenna's theory, that it was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms.
00:12:44.000 And then it's other people's theory that it was, well, we figured out fire, we started cooking our food, so we had more access to nutrients, and then hunting made people more clever, and so the more clever ones survived, and the ones that had the larger brain size, that mutation was favored,
00:13:01.000 and natural selection favored larger brains, and then we started...
00:13:04.000 Another theory is that we're manipulated. 0.99
00:13:08.000 Another theory is that these aliens came here Eons ago and they found these primitive primates and they started genetically manipulating them and they created human beings now what makes it interesting to me is That human beings are so different everywhere so different We're we're like dogs In that all dogs can fuck each other and make baby dogs. 0.98
00:13:38.000 Right. 0.99
00:13:39.000 And all people can fuck each other and make baby people. 1.00
00:13:42.000 But we look so different. 1.00
00:13:44.000 Like, Shaquille O'Neal can have sex with a 4'10 Chinese lady and make a baby. 1.00
00:13:51.000 Yeah, he can. 1.00
00:13:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:13:52.000 If you looked at animals, a Great Dane can have sex with a Chihuahua, if it's possible, or a Bulldog, and make... 0.89
00:14:01.000 Like, if you looked at a wolf... 0.97
00:14:03.000 And you looked at a poodle.
00:14:05.000 You'd go, there's no way that's the same thing.
00:14:07.000 Right.
00:14:07.000 But it is the same thing.
00:14:09.000 It is the same thing.
00:14:10.000 So why are we different than dogs?
00:14:11.000 But why is it the same thing?
00:14:12.000 It's the same thing because we manipulated them.
00:14:15.000 Oh, yeah.
00:14:16.000 That's the only reason why there are German Shepherds. 1.00
00:14:19.000 We forced them to fuck each other. 1.00
00:14:21.000 Yeah, we made them that way. 1.00
00:14:22.000 We made them through manipulation.
00:14:24.000 We slowly but surely turned them, and we don't even know how.
00:14:28.000 So someone breeded us.
00:14:30.000 Right.
00:14:30.000 Someone very possibly could have done something to human beings which changed us from these lower hominids and turned us into a bunch of different versions of what we call human beings.
00:14:42.000 Right.
00:14:43.000 I mean, that's my moral theory.
00:14:46.000 No, that's not.
00:14:47.000 But it's an odd thing.
00:14:49.000 Like, do you know that most hybrids, like even bass, like there's bass where like a largemouth bass will breed with a smallmouth bass and they'll make this hybrid.
00:14:59.000 But the hybrids aren't viable. 0.97
00:15:01.000 They don't become a separate species. 0.55
00:15:02.000 That's the thing about like donkeys.
00:15:04.000 Like a donkey? 0.98
00:15:05.000 Is it a mule has sex with a horse and that creates a donkey? 1.00
00:15:10.000 Or is it a horse has sex with a donkey and that creates a mule? 1.00
00:15:16.000 I think it's a mule has sex with a horse and creates a donkey. 1.00
00:15:19.000 But donkeys are sterile. 0.99
00:15:21.000 They're sterile.
00:15:21.000 Most hybrids are sterile.
00:15:23.000 The difference between a donkey, okay.
00:15:25.000 Donkeys are a different species than a horse, same family.
00:15:27.000 Mules, on the other hand, are a cross between a horse and a donkey.
00:15:30.000 Okay, that's it.
00:15:31.000 So a mule is a cross between a horse and a donkey.
00:15:34.000 But they're not, they're sterile.
00:15:36.000 They don't breed.
00:15:38.000 So why even have a mule?
00:15:40.000 Why do we need it?
00:15:42.000 Because they're better for riding.
00:15:44.000 Okay.
00:15:45.000 They're more durable.
00:15:46.000 Like in the Wild West, they like to cross those two.
00:15:50.000 And then people would, like a lot of the cowboys from the Wild West, like even some of the Texas Rangers, they rode mules.
00:15:58.000 Okay.
00:15:58.000 So the donkey and the horse is with bread.
00:16:00.000 So they are viable to ride and to be a better transport.
00:16:07.000 Hold on a second.
00:16:09.000 How does it...
00:16:11.000 Go back to where, which one is it again?
00:16:14.000 Okay, horse and a donkey makes a mule.
00:16:17.000 Yeah, so mules are more durable than horses.
00:16:20.000 They require less water.
00:16:22.000 They can last longer.
00:16:24.000 Mules gets its athletic ability from a horse and its intelligence from a donkey. 0.86
00:16:28.000 So mules were what a lot of these Wild West guys would prefer, actually.
00:16:35.000 Okay.
00:16:36.000 Mules have smoother muscles than horses.
00:16:38.000 Think of a football player's muscle build compared to that of a ballerina's. 0.96
00:16:42.000 Both are very strong, but a mule has greater physical strength for its size and more endurance.
00:16:47.000 A mule gets its athletic ability from its horse and intelligence from a donkey.
00:16:51.000 Well, let's just get rid of horses and donkeys. 0.99
00:16:53.000 Mules sound like they're the best of both.
00:16:55.000 Problem is, you can only make a mule with a horse and a donkey. 0.99
00:16:58.000 Oh, because mules can't have sex with each other. 1.00
00:17:01.000 Right. 0.99
00:17:01.000 But we can, which is weird. 0.99
00:17:03.000 We can have sex with mules. 1.00
00:17:04.000 Yes. 1.00
00:17:04.000 Well, no. 1.00
00:17:05.000 But we can have sex with each other. 0.99
00:17:07.000 Like, you know, we can have sex with people that don't look anything like us. 0.99
00:17:10.000 Yes, and make something that can have sex. 1.00
00:17:12.000 Yes. 0.72
00:17:12.000 Like, if you looked at certain people, you would assume that they're, like... 0.72
00:17:16.000 If you looked at Yao Ming, the giant tall dude, and you looked at a small man from Ecuador, you would assume there's no way that's the same species. 1.00
00:17:26.000 If you were from another planet and you had no idea what a human is, you'd be like, oh, this is a different thing.
00:17:31.000 But it's not a different thing.
00:17:33.000 It's just a different version of that same thing.
00:17:36.000 But like a liger, which is a cross between a tiger and a lion, they don't breed.
00:17:40.000 They can't breed. 1.00
00:17:41.000 They have useless sperm. 1.00
00:17:43.000 What about bulldogs and like all those dogs that have really... 1.00
00:17:46.000 They can breed.
00:17:47.000 They can breed.
00:17:47.000 Yeah.
00:17:47.000 Well, they're just fucked.
00:17:49.000 They just manipulated them and made their nose fucked up and they can't walk. 1.00
00:17:52.000 They come out with like asthma. 0.99
00:17:53.000 I know.
00:17:54.000 They can't breathe.
00:17:55.000 They're always...
00:17:56.000 They look so troubled.
00:17:57.000 It's terrible. 1.00
00:17:57.000 Poor little fuckers. 1.00
00:17:57.000 I feel so sad for them. 1.00
00:17:59.000 It's a terrible thing, but someone made them that way.
00:18:01.000 They selected for that.
00:18:03.000 You know, and then also, you know, obviously people, their bodies adapted to, like, people that are really white.
00:18:10.000 Well, the reason why they're white is because people originated in Africa, made their way to places where there's no sun, and so their body developed this sort of, like a solar panel for vitamin D. That's why people are so white. 0.99
00:18:24.000 They're white because it's easier. 0.85
00:18:25.000 This is one of the reasons why African-Americans have a real issue with vitamin D. Because if you live in a place like, say, Seattle or New York City where there's not a lot of sun, African-Americans, their bodies are designed to protect themselves from the sun, which is why they have so much melanin.
00:18:40.000 But it makes it harder to absorb vitamin D, particularly when you're wearing all these clothes and it's cold out and it's cloudy.
00:18:46.000 So it's incredibly important for them to supplement with vitamin D when they're in these climates where it's very cloudy.
00:18:53.000 Now, how do you get your D? I take it.
00:18:55.000 I go outside.
00:18:56.000 Yeah, I go outside too, but I take it.
00:18:58.000 I take vitamin D every day.
00:19:00.000 Like a pill?
00:19:01.000 Yeah, I take 5,000.
00:19:02.000 Yeah, I take a gel cap.
00:19:03.000 It's 5,000 IUs.
00:19:05.000 I take it twice a day.
00:19:06.000 Vitamin D is very important with COVID. But isn't the absorption of D dependent on how much iron you have?
00:19:13.000 I just feel like it just goes through you unless you have all the other stuff.
00:19:16.000 You do need the other stuff.
00:19:18.000 Well, you need fat.
00:19:19.000 Most of these vitamins, they're fat-soluble.
00:19:24.000 Some of them are water-soluble, but they digest better with food because that's really normally where you're getting them other than D, which is where you get from the sun.
00:19:33.000 But Dr. Rhonda Patrick, she explained it to me in a really interesting way.
00:19:36.000 She said it really is a hormone.
00:19:38.000 Vitamin D is, we call it a vitamin and you can take it as a supplement, but it is a hormone.
00:19:43.000 And it's responsible for so many different things in the body and particularly for the immune system.
00:19:47.000 And when you don't have vitamin D in your system, your immune system is very vulnerable.
00:19:52.000 Yeah.
00:19:52.000 So they were saying that there's all these studies that correlated with this.
00:19:56.000 They're saying that out of people that were in the ICU for COVID, more than 80% of them in multiple studies had insufficient levels of vitamin D and only 4% had sufficient levels.
00:20:08.000 Okay.
00:20:08.000 Which is really crazy.
00:20:09.000 Well, then there we go.
00:20:10.000 Yeah, vitamin D, zinc, and vitamin C, they're saying, are the three most significant vitamins for dealing with COVID. Are you scared of getting it, giving it?
00:20:22.000 Giving it.
00:20:23.000 Giving it.
00:20:23.000 Yeah, me too.
00:20:24.000 I'm scared of giving it to my wife's mom or a guest.
00:20:28.000 I would feel horrible.
00:20:29.000 Yeah.
00:20:29.000 So I'm tested.
00:20:31.000 Yeah.
00:20:31.000 So much.
00:20:32.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:20:33.000 Goddammit, I get tested a lot. 1.00
00:20:34.000 Yeah.
00:20:35.000 Yeah.
00:20:35.000 Every week.
00:20:35.000 I just...
00:20:36.000 You and I both did it.
00:20:37.000 That was fun.
00:20:38.000 Yeah.
00:20:38.000 But I mean, I've had...
00:20:39.000 This is my fourth test this week.
00:20:42.000 Whoa.
00:20:42.000 Yeah.
00:20:43.000 Yeah.
00:20:44.000 Yeah.
00:20:44.000 Because I did the thing at the comedy store.
00:20:46.000 So I got tested then during the day.
00:20:48.000 And then I got tested again.
00:20:50.000 You know, I just...
00:20:51.000 I've been tested...
00:20:52.000 I don't know how many times I've been tested since the whole thing started.
00:20:55.000 But I'm fortunate that I could have, you know, the concierge MD service.
00:20:59.000 Right.
00:20:59.000 Right.
00:21:02.000 What'd you do at the Comedy Store the other night?
00:21:03.000 I saw people hanging out.
00:21:05.000 It's for the documentary for Showtime.
00:21:07.000 Oh, yeah.
00:21:07.000 Yeah, it was interesting.
00:21:09.000 Yeah, really fun.
00:21:10.000 Was it fun to hang out again?
00:21:11.000 It was fun.
00:21:12.000 That was the most fun.
00:21:13.000 I saw pictures and I was like, oh, man. 0.99
00:21:14.000 Yeah, it was like Whitney and Annie Letterman and Bill Burr and Jay Leno was there and Paul Rodriguez and we were all just laughing and talking shit. 0.95
00:21:23.000 Even Jay Leno's coming out. 0.95
00:21:24.000 He misses doing... 1.00
00:21:24.000 I heard him say fuck. 1.00
00:21:25.000 Really? 1.00
00:21:26.000 Oh, yeah.
00:21:27.000 He was trying out jokes on us, too.
00:21:29.000 Yeah, he was happy to be out.
00:21:31.000 We were all happy to be out.
00:21:33.000 Yeah.
00:21:34.000 I thought it was a TBT, the pictures from that.
00:21:36.000 I was like, oh, the old days.
00:21:37.000 What?
00:21:38.000 That's two nights ago?
00:21:39.000 Yeah.
00:21:40.000 Yeah.
00:21:41.000 Two nights ago.
00:21:42.000 I miss it.
00:21:43.000 Yeah.
00:21:43.000 They're going to survive, right?
00:21:45.000 Who fucking knows? 0.97
00:21:46.000 I don't know how the laugh factor is going to survive. 0.99
00:21:48.000 Right.
00:21:49.000 The laugh factor is struggling already and the improv was struggling already. 0.96
00:21:52.000 I mean, these people, they're getting loans, these businesses and stuff, but I mean, how many fucking businesses need loans? 0.93
00:21:59.000 All of them. 0.77
00:22:00.000 I think they should have just opened it up and let people come if they wanted to come.
00:22:04.000 Let people work if they wanted to work.
00:22:06.000 Wear a mask.
00:22:08.000 Check everybody.
00:22:09.000 Check their temperature when they come in the door.
00:22:11.000 When you go to Texas, if you go to a restaurant, they just check your temperature.
00:22:15.000 They check your temperature, you wear a mask when you come in, they distance all the tables out, and they stay open.
00:22:20.000 And they're not making a lot of money.
00:22:21.000 They're not making as much money as they used to.
00:22:23.000 They don't have nearly as many tables open, but they stay open.
00:22:25.000 You've got to give businesses the option to work.
00:22:28.000 Give people the option to work.
00:22:30.000 Give people the option to go out if they want to go out. 0.97
00:22:32.000 This idea that they're just going to tell us what's best for us, but they're not telling us what's best for us, because they're not telling us all the shit that we were just talking about with vitamins. 0.90
00:22:41.000 There's no talk of that. 0.91
00:22:43.000 No one knows anything.
00:22:44.000 I'm getting all of this from you right now.
00:22:47.000 There's nowhere it's all you can just one place go and get everything you need to know.
00:22:50.000 People get pissed at me for repeating these things, but listen, I'm repeating these things because people don't hear it.
00:22:56.000 You're not going to hear it anywhere else.
00:22:57.000 If you've heard it from me 30 times, I'm sorry.
00:23:00.000 It just means you like the podcast.
00:23:02.000 You listen a lot.
00:23:03.000 But the reality is there's not a lot of other sources where you're getting this information.
00:23:08.000 So I try to put it out as much as possible.
00:23:10.000 And I try to direct people to folks like Rhonda Patrick, who will tell you exactly what the studies are.
00:23:16.000 And she sent me something recently.
00:23:18.000 There's another correlation study between vitamin D and COVID and how vitamin D, the actual mechanisms of how vitamin D protects you and it protects your immune system from COVID. Yeah.
00:23:27.000 Vitamin D, Zinc, C, but you should take all those things.
00:23:31.000 You should drink a fuckload of water.
00:23:32.000 How many vitamins do you take? 0.99
00:23:33.000 Are you taking just like fistfuls every morning?
00:23:36.000 What's your regimen?
00:23:37.000 I take a bunch of different things.
00:23:38.000 There's a supplement called Athletic Greens.
00:23:40.000 I take that.
00:23:41.000 It's really good.
00:23:42.000 First of all, that's really easy because you just pour it into a bottle of water and I shake it up and I just drink it.
00:23:47.000 Yeah.
00:23:47.000 You know, and it tastes good.
00:23:48.000 So that's really easy for me.
00:23:49.000 And that covers basically everything.
00:23:51.000 But I always supplement with D. And I always supplement with large amounts of C. Because those are two...
00:23:58.000 And zinc.
00:23:59.000 Because those are...
00:23:59.000 C, zinc, and D are the ones that are directly connected to the immune system for COVID. But C is...
00:24:06.000 If you have colds, C is one of the best for keeping everything...
00:24:12.000 That's why things like emergency and all those things exist.
00:24:16.000 C is just a great one for your overall immune system and taking care of yourself when you're sick.
00:24:21.000 But I just think having levels of all those things, like fish oil, that's a giant one.
00:24:26.000 Yeah.
00:24:27.000 Inflammation-fighting, CBD, I take that every day.
00:24:29.000 I take CBD every day.
00:24:31.000 Yeah.
00:24:31.000 We have CBD drinks, these CBD kill cliffs.
00:24:34.000 Do you like CBD? I need...
00:24:36.000 No, I mean, I like smoking weed, and I feel like I get enough from that.
00:24:39.000 I'm sure you do.
00:24:40.000 You get a lot.
00:24:41.000 I mean, I just quit smoking weed two weeks ago.
00:24:44.000 What?
00:24:44.000 When?
00:24:44.000 Why?
00:24:44.000 Because I just am trying to figure out my mental health and get a...
00:24:49.000 Figure out what the hell is wrong.
00:24:50.000 I mean, that's why I'm sitting here right now is because I was having a very tough time and I tweeted something Kind of crazy that I wanted to shave my head because I really do like I just feel like something Something needs to change.
00:25:06.000 I need to do something wild.
00:25:07.000 I don't know why I'm compelled my hair has been falling out I think just from stress and I'm just like I'm tired of pulling chunks of hair out It's just it's distressing really that you're losing that much hair I mean, well, I've just started only washing my hair once a week.
00:25:20.000 So when I do wash it, it's like so much comes out.
00:25:22.000 Because it's been a week of just no strands coming out.
00:25:25.000 And you lose 100 hairs a day.
00:25:26.000 So once a week I wash my hair and it just feels like I'm just, you know, that I was in a fight or something.
00:25:34.000 And I just put it on the wall.
00:25:37.000 And it stresses me out so much.
00:25:40.000 And so I was like, I'm just going to shave it.
00:25:42.000 And I'm not going to.
00:25:43.000 But I did...
00:25:45.000 Just kind of want to put out a tweet that just sometimes when I'm feeling depressed, I just need to let people know or just kind of synthesize my feelings through that way.
00:25:55.000 And I don't do it to like make anyone concerned about me, but really meant a lot to me that you reached out to me and I was completely taken aback by it that you you sensed my dilemma.
00:26:06.000 Well, I know you.
00:26:07.000 And so there was something when you were saying, also, there's no friend.
00:26:12.000 And I was like, huh, let me just reach out to Nikki.
00:26:15.000 It was so nice.
00:26:16.000 And then it turned into this.
00:26:19.000 I mean, when I tweeted it, I was just like, don't put this out there.
00:26:23.000 I hate when people tweet, like, cries for help.
00:26:25.000 And then...
00:26:26.000 What was a funny cry for help, at least?
00:26:27.000 Thank you.
00:26:28.000 I try to at least be funny with them.
00:26:30.000 But it just really irritates me.
00:26:32.000 It's like, just reach out to your friends if you need help.
00:26:34.000 Don't put out a tweet that makes everyone worried about you.
00:26:36.000 So a couple people reached out to me like, hey, are you okay?
00:26:40.000 But it was yours that it really touched me because we don't like text regularly.
00:26:44.000 But that was like, it was just such a real...
00:26:50.000 Well, you know I care about you.
00:26:52.000 I know.
00:26:52.000 That really meant a lot to me.
00:26:53.000 And I was going through a really fucking bad time last week. 0.66
00:26:57.000 This time last week, I was not in a good place. 0.92
00:26:59.000 Thankfully, I came out of it.
00:27:00.000 But I keep getting hit by depression, like, in a major way.
00:27:05.000 I've been trying to reach out to a lot of friends lately over the last two months.
00:27:09.000 Like, just send a...
00:27:10.000 What's up, man?
00:27:11.000 You good?
00:27:11.000 It's really nice of you.
00:27:12.000 Just a nice little...
00:27:14.000 Just, hey, how are you?
00:27:15.000 And a lot of hugs.
00:27:17.000 There's so many people that haven't been hugging.
00:27:19.000 No one's touching each other anymore.
00:27:21.000 It's weird, you know?
00:27:22.000 So...
00:27:22.000 And no one can see each other smile when they hang out.
00:27:25.000 They're wearing masks.
00:27:26.000 I mean, we all feel so disconnected.
00:27:28.000 I'm living with my parents in St. Louis.
00:27:30.000 My whole social life was comedy.
00:27:33.000 I didn't really have friends outside of it.
00:27:36.000 The only thing that saved me is this.
00:27:38.000 Me too.
00:27:39.000 Like, doing podcasts and Zooming with people and doing different...
00:27:43.000 Just FaceTiming, thank God for it, but it's...
00:27:47.000 I miss the connection. 0.98
00:27:49.000 Where the fuck would we be with no cell phones and no FaceTime? 0.99
00:27:52.000 Where the fuck would we be with no Skype? 0.99
00:27:55.000 Where would we be? 0.99
00:27:55.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:27:57.000 That is giant for me, FaceTiming.
00:27:59.000 Just being able to like, just see people, what's up?
00:28:02.000 And see their smile.
00:28:03.000 Yes.
00:28:03.000 What's up, we doing?
00:28:04.000 We need it.
00:28:05.000 And yeah, and it's weird to just hang out with my nieces and nephews, and they're like three and one, and we have to wear a mask around them, and they can't even see your smile, you can't touch them.
00:28:17.000 That's really bad for kids too.
00:28:19.000 That's really weird for kids.
00:28:20.000 They must be like, why is my aunt not touching me anymore?
00:28:22.000 I can't hug my...
00:28:24.000 If I even get close to my grandparents, I hear, no, no, no, no, no.
00:28:27.000 It's like, this is going to be scarring.
00:28:30.000 But the weird thing about it is, if everybody's just tested, why can't you just hang out?
00:28:36.000 Like, what are we worried about?
00:28:38.000 Like, invisible ghosts that come in and invade people's bodies?
00:28:42.000 If you don't have it, you don't have it.
00:28:44.000 Yeah.
00:28:44.000 But you worry that between the time you got tested and the time you're seeing that person, you might have gone to the gas station and touched a nozzle.
00:28:51.000 But you're not getting it that way.
00:28:52.000 They don't think you get it that way anymore.
00:28:54.000 From surfaces.
00:28:54.000 I know.
00:28:55.000 We've wasted so many Clorox wipes.
00:28:56.000 Yeah.
00:28:57.000 They've kind of abandoned that.
00:28:58.000 Have you noticed?
00:28:59.000 They don't even talk about hand sanitizer anymore.
00:29:01.000 Gloves, hand sanitizer?
00:29:02.000 No, no one cares about that anymore.
00:29:03.000 It's just a mask.
00:29:04.000 It's just a respiratory issue.
00:29:07.000 It's just coming out of your mouth and into someone else's mouth.
00:29:10.000 I'm so annoyed.
00:29:11.000 I flew here from St. Louis the other day.
00:29:15.000 And just sitting at my gate.
00:29:17.000 And it's mandatory to wear a mask on the plane now.
00:29:20.000 But people, before they get on that plane, they're just sitting there without their mask on at the gate. 1.00
00:29:25.000 Just trying to stir up shit. 0.99
00:29:28.000 Just trying to get away. 1.00
00:29:30.000 Because everyone around you is wearing a mask.
00:29:32.000 How could you not wear one?
00:29:34.000 Do you think that's what they're doing?
00:29:35.000 Yeah, they want to prove that they're not falling for it, and they're better than you, and it's so deliberate, and it makes me sick, and it's hard because I want to shoot them a dirty look, but they can't really see how much I hate them on my face because it's covered by a mask! 1.00
00:29:51.000 So I really try to squib my eyes just like, you motherfucker. 1.00
00:29:54.000 I was so furious the other day. 1.00
00:29:56.000 Just people with the loose mask down by their nose.
00:29:58.000 I had a driver the other day that had his nose exposed and I just am like, hey, can you pull it up over your nose?
00:30:04.000 It's the only way it works.
00:30:04.000 Like, do I really have to?
00:30:05.000 You haven't seen that meme yet with the guy with his dick out? 0.99
00:30:08.000 Like, how has that not gotten to you that that's how you wear a mask? 0.99
00:30:11.000 People just, it's...
00:30:13.000 I don't know.
00:30:15.000 Everyone, I'm staying in Marina del Rey, everyone walking outside is wearing a mask, which I think is a little much just like walking down the sidewalk.
00:30:23.000 You don't need it when it's sunny out.
00:30:25.000 What?
00:30:26.000 Yeah, the disease, the virus dies instantly when it's exposed to sunlight.
00:30:32.000 Okay, why don't we know that, Joe?
00:30:35.000 I don't know, but Brett Weinstein, who's a biologist, sent me this paper where they showed that it dies instantly or almost instantly when it's in contact with Fake sunlight, like ultraviolet light, and also actual sunlight. 0.99
00:30:52.000 So when you're in sunlight, if you're outside, that's why closing the beach is so fucking stupid. 0.99
00:30:58.000 It's sunny. 1.00
00:30:59.000 You're not at risk.
00:31:00.000 As long as you're not in someone's face, you're not going to get it.
00:31:03.000 And did they see a spike after the protests?
00:31:06.000 Yes, for sure.
00:31:07.000 There was a spike after that.
00:31:08.000 100%.
00:31:09.000 It has to be.
00:31:10.000 But that was in the sunlight outside.
00:31:12.000 What?
00:31:13.000 Did they stop as soon as it turns dark out?
00:31:16.000 No, that's true.
00:31:17.000 Of course not.
00:31:17.000 Oh, right.
00:31:18.000 They were out in the dark. 0.99
00:31:18.000 When people were saying that to me, I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
00:31:21.000 Is everybody Cinderella? 0.99
00:31:23.000 Oh my God, I'm going to be picking up a pumpkin.
00:31:25.000 So if we can just protest and gather outside when it's light out.
00:31:29.000 But even then, people are screaming, right?
00:31:32.000 It's different circumstances.
00:31:34.000 That's just like spewing droplets everywhere.
00:31:36.000 If you don't have a mask on and you're screaming and other people are screaming, and then there's people yelling at each other so they're in each other's faces.
00:31:43.000 There's like very little chance you're not going to get some spread if you've got what, you know, I forget, was it Ben Shapiro said?
00:31:51.000 It was like having a music festival in every city for three weeks in a row.
00:31:55.000 I mean, it really was.
00:31:57.000 It's like you constantly had protests.
00:31:59.000 So if you have that many people, it's not a coincidence that it spiked right afterwards, but nobody wants to say it because nobody wants to be insensitive.
00:32:07.000 Yeah, no one talked about it.
00:32:08.000 I remember the protests going on and we were all like, oh, we'll see you in three weeks.
00:32:11.000 And then I don't remember hearing about the spike that happened. 0.99
00:32:14.000 It's a fucking for sure spike. 0.96
00:32:15.000 That's when everything got shut down in L.A. Everything got shut down. 0.99
00:32:18.000 The hospitals got filled again.
00:32:20.000 There's the cases rose.
00:32:22.000 It has to be.
00:32:24.000 Either it's contagious or it's not.
00:32:26.000 If it's contagious and you get a bunch of people together, they're going to give it to each other.
00:32:30.000 There's no way around it.
00:32:32.000 It's not saying that it's not a good cause and that it wasn't important to protest.
00:32:36.000 Yeah, all those things are true.
00:32:37.000 But understand that that's what happened.
00:32:40.000 I don't think you should stop people from protesting, but I also don't think you should stop people from working.
00:32:44.000 I don't think you should stop people from going to the gym.
00:32:46.000 You should give people the opportunity to do whatever they want to do.
00:32:49.000 That's what America's supposed to be about.
00:32:51.000 The problem is the hospitals, the ICU beds and all that stuff.
00:32:56.000 Respirators.
00:32:57.000 But they don't even use respirators anymore.
00:32:58.000 One of the things they're finding with respirators is the vast majority of the people that put on respirators died.
00:33:03.000 Yeah, because when you're at that point...
00:33:05.000 Not necessarily.
00:33:07.000 According to Michael Yeo's doctor, he told him, if I put you on a respirator, you're going to die because your body's going to stop working.
00:33:14.000 Because it doesn't need to anymore.
00:33:16.000 Because it breathes for you.
00:33:16.000 Right.
00:33:17.000 So it'll stop fighting.
00:33:18.000 And then when you get off the respirator, it's hard for your body to breathe.
00:33:22.000 Yeah, so they thought you needed respirators.
00:33:25.000 Right, that was the big thing.
00:33:26.000 Right, now they've adjusted that position.
00:33:28.000 They don't think it's a good idea to put people on respirators anymore, unless they're really bad, like they're about to die.
00:33:34.000 Right.
00:33:35.000 Yeah.
00:33:36.000 That's life support.
00:33:37.000 Yes, exactly.
00:33:38.000 So now they use more like CPAP machines, which are just...
00:33:42.000 That's what you wear when you have sleep apnea.
00:33:45.000 Yes.
00:33:45.000 So instead of breathing for you, it just introduces more oxygen into your system.
00:33:49.000 Okay.
00:33:51.000 There's so many things that we thought in the beginning that aren't...
00:33:54.000 But the mask thing, it's like, I don't care if you're sitting at my gate and you don't believe in masks and you think we're all so crazy and we're all just sheep wearing masks...
00:34:03.000 Just everyone around you is doing it.
00:34:05.000 Just do it.
00:34:06.000 Just to be polite, even if you don't believe. 1.00
00:34:09.000 Because like I was saying, walking today outside and seeing people with masks on, I was kind of like, I think this is kind of stupid. 0.94
00:34:15.000 But I felt like, out of respect for them, I'm going to wear a mask. 0.87
00:34:19.000 Even though I don't think I really need to be wearing it, I'm going to do it.
00:34:23.000 So that's all I ask people to do.
00:34:26.000 If I go over to someone's house and they...
00:34:30.000 They want me to take my shoes off, but I don't really believe in doing that.
00:34:33.000 I'm still going to do it because they do it.
00:34:35.000 Yeah.
00:34:36.000 Just to be nice.
00:34:37.000 Yes.
00:34:37.000 Sure.
00:34:38.000 And I mean, and I just think the peer pressure, have you, I've, early when this was happening, I was like getting invited to like, Social distance barbecues and things like that when they were like just trying it out and going over to these things and under the understanding that we're all going to stay six feet apart and wear masks and then you get there and people are hugging and people are close and you just kind of feel peer pressured into doing it.
00:35:01.000 Well, people go back to the normal patterns.
00:35:03.000 Normal patterns is, especially when people are drinking.
00:35:06.000 Yeah, the drinking, yeah. 0.97
00:35:08.000 Like, you know what's fucked up? 0.99
00:35:09.000 It was like the Trump rally. 0.98
00:35:10.000 When he had that big rally, when he had it in the stadium and no one was wearing a mask.
00:35:14.000 Oh my God.
00:35:14.000 And then Herman Cain died.
00:35:15.000 I know.
00:35:17.000 And they were like, well, it could have been many of the place he was.
00:35:21.000 Or it could have been that one place with 10,000 people all in one place.
00:35:25.000 Yeah.
00:35:26.000 Yeah.
00:35:27.000 But I mean, even I go into these parties being like, I'm going to keep my distance.
00:35:31.000 I'm only going if it's done right. 0.99
00:35:33.000 And then I get there and you feel so stupid being the only one who has a mask on. 0.99
00:35:38.000 And you feel it's hard to stand up for yourself sometimes. 1.00
00:35:41.000 I'm like, fine, spit in my mouth.
00:35:43.000 I guess we used to do that.
00:35:44.000 Well, if there was these tests where you could do it instantaneously and then, you know, you could just have them at comedy clubs.
00:35:51.000 Yes.
00:35:52.000 You just have people take a test as they're walking through the door.
00:35:54.000 Aren't those coming out soon?
00:35:56.000 The White House has them.
00:35:57.000 Really?
00:35:58.000 Yeah.
00:35:58.000 Like immediate tests?
00:35:59.000 Yeah, my friend went to the White House and they test them and you have it within a couple of minutes.
00:36:04.000 Alright, well, that'll solve a lot of issues.
00:36:06.000 That would be everything.
00:36:07.000 If you just had, like, a giant, you know, a line where everybody's spread out by six feet, you test them, all on the line, you know, you write your name down, or you have to register, maybe the show's at eight, you have to show up at seven and get tested,
00:36:22.000 and then you'd be there at eight.
00:36:24.000 Like, it'd be inconvenient, but it's way better than having no show.
00:36:27.000 And then you could go there, and no one could have a mask, and you'd have a regular club, and have the place packed.
00:36:33.000 It's possible.
00:36:34.000 I can't believe I took that for granted so much.
00:36:39.000 You just always thought you'd be able to do that.
00:36:42.000 I thought anything else could happen in my career, I'll always have Stan to fall back on.
00:36:47.000 Well, everybody thought that.
00:36:49.000 How many people didn't have a podcast?
00:36:51.000 I know, I know.
00:36:52.000 If I didn't have a podcast, first of all, I'd be bouncing off the walls. 0.97
00:36:57.000 I wouldn't know what the fuck to do.
00:36:59.000 And then I would be at a point where I was thinking, hey, I've got to make a living. 0.96
00:37:02.000 What do I need to do to make a living?
00:37:04.000 Maybe I need to get a regular job.
00:37:05.000 How many comics are getting jobs?
00:37:07.000 A lot of them.
00:37:08.000 And you can't get a job in show business because they're not filling anything.
00:37:11.000 So just...
00:37:12.000 So what would you do?
00:37:13.000 Teach?
00:37:14.000 I would have to...
00:37:15.000 I'd go to...
00:37:15.000 No.
00:37:16.000 I can't even teach martial arts because gyms are closed.
00:37:19.000 Right.
00:37:19.000 It's like, what would I teach?
00:37:21.000 And if you teach, you got to do it over Zoom now to be a teacher.
00:37:25.000 Nobody wants to...
00:37:26.000 Oh my God.
00:37:27.000 If you want to get paid to teach over Zoom, good luck.
00:37:30.000 Nobody wants to pay for that.
00:37:31.000 Yeah.
00:37:32.000 Well, I mean, I'm...
00:37:33.000 Thank God for podcasting. 0.99
00:37:37.000 Thank God, you know, I'm trying to write a goddamn book. 0.99
00:37:40.000 Have you written a book? 0.99
00:37:42.000 No.
00:37:43.000 Why haven't you written a book?
00:37:44.000 Well, I got a deal to write a book once.
00:37:45.000 Of course you have.
00:37:46.000 And the editors were so annoying, I gave them their money back.
00:37:49.000 Really?
00:37:50.000 Yeah.
00:37:51.000 Just like, hey, do you have these pages yet?
00:37:53.000 Well, they base it on some stuff that I wrote on my blog that was sometimes funny, but weird, just thoughts that I had.
00:38:03.000 But then once I started turning in stuff, they're like, we want to transcribe your stand-up. 0.94
00:38:09.000 Because Jerry Seinfeld did that, and fucking, who else did it? 0.98
00:38:14.000 George Carlin. 0.99
00:38:16.000 And I'm like, look, George Carlin did it because he needed money.
00:38:18.000 He broke taxes, and I don't know why Seinfeld did it.
00:38:21.000 They probably just paid him, and he said, okay.
00:38:23.000 And I'm like, I'm not doing that.
00:38:25.000 If I want to write a book, it's supposed to be consumed in book form.
00:38:29.000 Stand-up is supposed to be consumed on stage.
00:38:32.000 They're different things.
00:38:33.000 It really helped me, though, reading those stand-up, kind of transcribed stand-up books when I first started stand-up to, like, read jokes and, like, learn the craft of writing a joke and the consolidation of words.
00:38:44.000 Like, I turned to those books where, like, people would just take stand-up and write it down.
00:38:49.000 But, yeah, beyond that, from a comedian, I think they...
00:38:51.000 It's an easy way out.
00:38:53.000 To repeat, when I first started doing stand-up, one of the things that I used to do is I would do other people's bits for my friends.
00:39:01.000 Like I'd do a Kinison bit or a Richard Pryor bit for one of my friends, and that sort of got me into the rhythm of stand-up.
00:39:08.000 And then I read that Hunter S. Thompson, when he was learning how to write, he would literally write down The Great Gatsby, line for line.
00:39:17.000 So he would sit there and retype The Great Gatsby just so he can get an idea of the rhythm of the prose.
00:39:25.000 Yeah, I've been doing that recently with stand-up.
00:39:29.000 I've stepped away from watching stand-up, but I've been watching it again just because I need to remember how to do it and why I love it.
00:39:36.000 And so much I think of...
00:39:39.000 Who I became as a stand-up started out just like trying to copy people and just trying to figure out how do you do this and watching it so much and ending up sounding like a mixture of all the people that I loved so much.
00:39:52.000 Yeah, that's always weird, right?
00:39:54.000 The beginning you're always like a copy of the people you admire.
00:39:58.000 Yeah, I mean, I still look at some of the things I do and I'm like, oh, you picked that up from Silverman.
00:40:04.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:40:05.000 You picked that up from Gaffigan.
00:40:08.000 Yeah.
00:40:09.000 Hedberg.
00:40:09.000 I mean, you're just a mixture of everyone that you love and then eventually you Gain some autonomy and you figure out stuff that works for you and who is truly you.
00:40:18.000 But even my own personality before I did stand-up is all based upon me ripping off the popular girls the way they talked and the way they acted.
00:40:28.000 Of course.
00:40:29.000 There was one girl that had, like, kind of a lazy eye in my high school who, like, was really hot and, like, all the guys liked. 0.98
00:40:36.000 And I started, like, kind of, like, having...
00:40:39.000 I would just do it.
00:40:40.000 I would just try to, like...
00:40:45.000 It would just happen because I was trying to get any way for people to like me.
00:40:50.000 There was another girl who talked like a baby and I would just start talking like this.
00:40:55.000 People liked her because she was hot, not because her voice was like a baby. 1.00
00:40:59.000 If I listen to someone too much, I start sounding like them and copying them.
00:41:06.000 It's a real problem.
00:41:07.000 That's why sometimes I can't watch some of the stand-ups I love because I just start sounding like them.
00:41:12.000 I can't help it.
00:41:13.000 I used to date a girl who had kind of a lazy eye and she was really hot. 1.00
00:41:16.000 And I had like a fetish for lazy eyes for a while.
00:41:19.000 Where do we go?
00:41:20.000 She had like one slightly lazy eye.
00:41:23.000 And I just thought it was really hot afterward. 0.89
00:41:26.000 Because she was a freak. 0.80
00:41:27.000 So like I just associated lazy eyes.
00:41:29.000 What was she a freak? 1.00
00:41:29.000 Like what would she do? 1.00
00:41:30.000 She was just really horny. 0.68
00:41:31.000 Oh yeah. 0.98
00:41:31.000 She was just really sexual. 0.98
00:41:33.000 Like all the time? 0.58
00:41:34.000 Just wanted it all the time or wanted to do weird stuff?
00:41:36.000 Yeah, she wanted to get stuffed. 0.93
00:41:37.000 Yeah, she was just really horny. 1.00
00:41:40.000 That's so fun.
00:41:40.000 Yeah.
00:41:41.000 And I was 21. So you were down.
00:41:43.000 She was older than me too.
00:41:44.000 So it was interesting.
00:41:46.000 How much older?
00:41:47.000 A couple years.
00:41:48.000 Like she was 25 when I was 21. When you were young, what was the oldest you went?
00:41:53.000 Did you ever...
00:41:53.000 I think I dated a girl who was 35 when I was like 23. Okay.
00:41:58.000 One in a couple days would have... 1.00
00:41:59.000 Yeah, but it's usually like you're just getting used by some chick who wants to get gorilla fucked. 1.00
00:42:07.000 It's usually some woman who's tired of like dating guys who work in an office or something. 0.99
00:42:12.000 She goes and finds some savage. 0.99
00:42:13.000 See, I have young guys coming after me and I feel like they're using me so that they can just like somehow have a story about like fucking an older woman. 0.98
00:42:23.000 And I don't want to be that like... 0.98
00:42:25.000 That's interesting.
00:42:26.000 I don't want to be used.
00:42:27.000 Why wouldn't you just think they're attracted to you because you're confident and intelligent?
00:42:31.000 Because I think it's some weird fetish they have where they had a speech therapist that they got boners for, and I remind them of her.
00:42:42.000 Why wouldn't you just not think that you're sexy?
00:42:44.000 Why wouldn't you just assume that?
00:42:46.000 I don't know, because I just don't look at myself that way.
00:42:50.000 There are certain times where I do feel really sexy and I can feel that way, but generally when someone's into me, I go, what's going on here?
00:42:59.000 What do you want?
00:43:00.000 Because it can't be that you want to have sex with me. 0.98
00:43:02.000 Even though I know I'm an attractive girl and I work on being attractive, it's not like I don't think I'm a dog. 0.97
00:43:08.000 You're suspicious.
00:43:09.000 Yeah, I'm suspicious.
00:43:11.000 And you want to know why? 0.93
00:43:12.000 Because sometimes I'm fucking right. 0.92
00:43:14.000 And especially since I've gotten a little bit more famous, that happens. 0.91
00:43:19.000 And because as I've gotten a little slightly more famous, my self-esteem has risen a bit in terms of just I like myself.
00:43:28.000 And I'm like, oh, maybe this guy does like me for me.
00:43:30.000 And then it happens that they just want an autograph from you.
00:43:35.000 Or they want...
00:43:38.000 Honestly, someone wrote me that today, a guy that has been interested in me and asking me out a ton, and he just wrote me today like, hey, I heard you're going to be on Rogan.
00:43:48.000 If there's any chance you could get an autograph from him, that would be so cool.
00:43:51.000 Thank you.
00:43:52.000 And I just wrote back, no.
00:43:53.000 Like, just no with nothing else, and it felt so good!
00:43:58.000 No, and you don't even bother putting a period.
00:44:00.000 No, I didn't say no, I'm sorry.
00:44:01.000 No, I don't feel comfortable doing that.
00:44:04.000 No.
00:44:04.000 No.
00:44:05.000 But that's happened before.
00:44:08.000 So you worry that they look at you as being someone who's got a high profile and maybe if they connect themselves to you, it can help their life in some way. 0.98
00:44:17.000 They'll get to fuck other girls in their social circle because they said they fucked a girl that was on Celebrity Game Night playing badminton with Bob Saget. 0.99
00:44:28.000 I mean, that's how I feel. 0.99
00:44:30.000 And I'm not wrong.
00:44:32.000 Like, this does happen.
00:44:34.000 There was another instance where a guy got a picture with me.
00:44:38.000 And I do think he likes me, but he got a picture with me.
00:44:40.000 And I guess we both weren't wearing masks in the picture.
00:44:43.000 I guess we were too close to each other.
00:44:45.000 And he couldn't post the picture because...
00:44:47.000 He felt like it would be a bad look for me.
00:44:49.000 We're not wearing masks, but we were like, for me, I was like, we're far enough apart, but do what you want.
00:44:54.000 And he's like, so I'm not going to post it.
00:44:57.000 And I was like, okay, that's totally fine.
00:44:58.000 And then he's like, but I would really like to see you again.
00:45:01.000 Like, I really liked hanging out with you.
00:45:02.000 I'd love to take you out sometime.
00:45:03.000 And I was like, hey, I just don't think I'm in a point in my life where I want to be dating right now.
00:45:07.000 And he goes, well, can we just meet up to get a picture?
00:45:09.000 Okay.
00:45:10.000 No!
00:45:12.000 So it happens.
00:45:13.000 Ew.
00:45:14.000 It happens a lot.
00:45:15.000 Can we meet up just to get a picture?
00:45:18.000 I just want to let everybody know I know you.
00:45:21.000 Yeah.
00:45:21.000 And then what I see is him getting that picture and then going back to show the girls that he really wants to bang.
00:45:28.000 They're his age at some party and he's like, I got a picture with Nikki Glaser and they're like, we don't know who she is.
00:45:33.000 What is she like?
00:45:34.000 Ew! 0.98
00:45:34.000 She's like 36 and then they all make fun of me and that's the thing I have in my head. 0.98
00:45:40.000 And I watched her special.
00:45:41.000 It wasn't even funny. 1.00
00:45:43.000 I just see them all making fun of me and how pathetic that I am that I fucked a younger kid. 0.99
00:45:50.000 I shouldn't say the word kid. 0.99
00:45:51.000 How old is he?
00:45:52.000 I think he's like 25, which is not...
00:45:54.000 That's not that bad!
00:45:55.000 For a guy, that's standard.
00:45:58.000 He's going to love that I'm talking about him.
00:46:00.000 I really want to change the subject.
00:46:01.000 Ugh.
00:46:03.000 Isn't that the worst part?
00:46:04.000 To talk about these people, then they're so excited.
00:46:07.000 I'm going to get a text as soon as I'm out of here.
00:46:09.000 Hey, I didn't know there was some animosity between us.
00:46:12.000 I swear, I really did want to spend time with you.
00:46:15.000 I think you're really...
00:46:15.000 I wanted to take a picture with you just because I think you're awesome.
00:46:18.000 I just wanted to document the fact that I know you.
00:46:20.000 There was this guy on a plane a couple weeks ago and I met him at my gate and usually when I fly I just like put on my headphones and like sleep mask and I just try to stay.
00:46:34.000 I don't want anyone talking to me.
00:46:35.000 Mouth mask and sleep mask.
00:46:36.000 You're gone.
00:46:37.000 Oh my god.
00:46:37.000 And face shield.
00:46:39.000 I've been wearing the shield too.
00:46:41.000 Don't Yeah, I want to make a statement that like, I hate all of you not wearing a mask.
00:46:47.000 And now I have to doubly protect myself and look what you've made me do.
00:46:52.000 I want to send that message.
00:46:53.000 I love wearing the shield. 0.97
00:46:54.000 At first, I felt stupid. 0.67
00:46:55.000 Now I feel cool.
00:46:56.000 And if anyone's going to judge me, they can't recognize me.
00:46:58.000 They can't even see me in there.
00:46:59.000 So it's great.
00:47:00.000 So usually, but when I fly even pre COVID, I would just always kind of I just didn't want anyone talking to me.
00:47:06.000 I've been caught in conversations on planes with people.
00:47:10.000 Brutal.
00:47:11.000 It's brutal.
00:47:11.000 And I learned the hard way.
00:47:12.000 But like years and years ago.
00:47:14.000 Some people just don't stop.
00:47:15.000 And you can never close your eyes.
00:47:17.000 You can never relax.
00:47:18.000 And you do close your eyes and they still talk.
00:47:21.000 Or you put your sleep mask down and they're talking and you have to lift it back up.
00:47:24.000 And you just have to eventually say, I just don't want to talk.
00:47:26.000 But this one guy sat next to me at my gate.
00:47:30.000 And I feel bad because he heard me talk about him on Whitney's podcast and he felt really bad that this happened, but whatever.
00:47:37.000 But I want to just tell you that it happened.
00:47:40.000 I was sitting at my gate.
00:47:41.000 It was a hot guy sat down next to me.
00:47:43.000 And I took off my headphones.
00:47:45.000 I made my head accessible.
00:47:47.000 I kept my mask on, but I took out my headphones to be like, if you want to talk to me, you definitely could.
00:47:51.000 And I did...
00:47:53.000 I said, there was like some, I don't know, there was a gate announcement that was kind of funny and I just like muttered something to myself like making fun of the woman talking, trying to get this guy to like laugh or just spark up a conversation.
00:48:05.000 And he was just like, hey, I'm a big fan.
00:48:07.000 And I was like, really?
00:48:08.000 I was like, oh my gosh, thanks.
00:48:10.000 I was like, what do you know me from?
00:48:11.000 Like, what do you, he's like, I love your show.
00:48:14.000 And I'm like, what show?
00:48:15.000 And he's like, your podcast.
00:48:16.000 And I was like, oh, this guy knows me because my podcast, it's like, I do it every day.
00:48:19.000 It's really like, It's like reading my diary.
00:48:22.000 I don't even like my friends to listen to it.
00:48:23.000 It's just too much.
00:48:24.000 So I was like, oh, this guy accepts me for me, and he likes it.
00:48:28.000 He's tall, hot.
00:48:29.000 I can't see half of his face, but he's cute.
00:48:32.000 He looks good.
00:48:33.000 What you see looks good.
00:48:34.000 Yeah, and I never, ever meet guys out in public.
00:48:37.000 I've never been someone that has chatted up a guy at my gate or on the plane.
00:48:42.000 It just never happens to me.
00:48:43.000 And so I'm like, yes!
00:48:45.000 We start chatting up.
00:48:47.000 And it's going really well, and I'm flying southwest, so there's no boarding order.
00:48:55.000 No, there is.
00:48:57.000 I'm the first to board, but there's no seat assignment.
00:49:00.000 So he says to me, save me a seat next to you.
00:49:03.000 Let's continue this conversation on the plane.
00:49:06.000 So I'm getting on the plane, and I'm like, listen, I want to sleep.
00:49:08.000 I need to sleep, and I was going to...
00:49:11.000 I gotta find a husband. 1.00
00:49:13.000 And this might be the one.
00:49:14.000 Like, I gotta put myself out there.
00:49:16.000 I've been so closed off for so many years.
00:49:18.000 So I get on that plane.
00:49:20.000 And we're chatting.
00:49:21.000 We're having, like, a really good time.
00:49:22.000 He's, like, funny and nice and interesting.
00:49:25.000 Similar interests.
00:49:27.000 And, you know, he lives on the West Coast, but I'm like, I can move anywhere.
00:49:31.000 Like, I'm down.
00:49:32.000 Let's do this.
00:49:33.000 And it's flirty, but it's not like there's nothing over the top.
00:49:38.000 But I was just like, I kept thinking, I didn't see a ring on his finger.
00:49:41.000 There's no mention of a girlfriend.
00:49:44.000 And then finally, I'm like, we need to switch this to, like, a flirty kind of—we need to talk about dating or something to get us in that kind of vein of conversation.
00:49:53.000 And I said something like, so have you been dating during COVID? And this is two and a half hours into the flight.
00:49:57.000 And he's like, oh, well, I have a girlfriend who I live with.
00:50:01.000 And I was just—I almost started crying because— Not because I was like, oh, this guy, I thought I was going to be with him, but because I just could have been sleeping that entire time.
00:50:13.000 And I wasted this entire...
00:50:15.000 I don't want to talk to anyone.
00:50:17.000 But there's no other way to know.
00:50:19.000 You could have mentioned her five minutes in.
00:50:22.000 But why?
00:50:22.000 If he just thought that you thought that he was a fan and he wanted to talk to you.
00:50:27.000 Why would I want to talk to a fan for that long?
00:50:33.000 Why?
00:50:33.000 Maybe just because he's an interesting person and you're bored.
00:50:36.000 How would he know that you were tired?
00:50:38.000 No, it wasn't his fault.
00:50:39.000 It wasn't his fault.
00:50:40.000 It was my fault to get my hopes up.
00:50:42.000 But that's too far into a conversation to not talk.
00:50:46.000 You're talking to a girl who you know is single.
00:50:49.000 You sound like a guy.
00:50:51.000 Age-appropriate.
00:50:52.000 You do.
00:50:52.000 You sound like a guy.
00:50:53.000 I do?
00:50:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:50:54.000 Yeah, it's not fair. 0.99
00:50:54.000 I'm talking to her for fucking two hours. 0.99
00:50:57.000 That's too long. 0.99
00:50:57.000 And then finally she says, I have a boyfriend I live with. 0.99
00:50:59.000 Yeah, that's bullshit. 1.00
00:51:00.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:51:00.000 I bought you three drinks already. 1.00
00:51:02.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:51:03.000 I'm that guy.
00:51:04.000 Don't waste my time.
00:51:05.000 Don't waste my money.
00:51:06.000 If you have a girlfriend...
00:51:08.000 It's just...
00:51:09.000 I was really ticked off.
00:51:11.000 But he's a fan, though.
00:51:12.000 You are a public person.
00:51:14.000 I didn't realize that was what was going on.
00:51:17.000 You are a professional comic.
00:51:17.000 But Nikki, you have fans.
00:51:19.000 You sell out all over the country.
00:51:22.000 I know.
00:51:22.000 You're a real comedian.
00:51:24.000 It had been many months since I had been on stage.
00:51:27.000 I've been living with my parents for four months.
00:51:29.000 I forgot who I was.
00:51:31.000 Oh, that's so funny.
00:51:31.000 And I was so excited.
00:51:33.000 I was so sad.
00:51:34.000 And I continued the conversation because then I go, you know what, Nikki, why can't you just get to know someone?
00:51:39.000 And relationships fail.
00:51:40.000 He has a girlfriend.
00:51:42.000 It's not like he's married.
00:51:42.000 I don't know.
00:51:43.000 I'm sorry.
00:51:44.000 His kids are going to grow up.
00:51:45.000 They're going to get out of the house eventually.
00:51:47.000 Yes.
00:51:47.000 Whatever.
00:51:48.000 You can wait years.
00:51:50.000 It's no big deal.
00:51:51.000 I'll plant that seed.
00:51:52.000 If a guy has a girlfriend, I don't...
00:51:53.000 Dig a hole, drop a seed.
00:51:55.000 I'm not going to outwardly flirt with a guy or try to break up a relationship.
00:51:59.000 I mean, I would never do that.
00:52:02.000 But if a guy has a girlfriend, I'll still have a flirty conversation because most things don't last.
00:52:07.000 Most things don't last.
00:52:09.000 Well, everything doesn't last.
00:52:10.000 Well, yeah, that's true, too.
00:52:12.000 Everything.
00:52:12.000 Your life.
00:52:13.000 But if a guy's married, then I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to have no hope here.
00:52:17.000 I saw a story about a couple that dated when they were in high school, and then they got married.
00:52:23.000 They married other people, broke up, the whole deal, went through lives, and then got married again when they were in their late 70s.
00:52:32.000 That is sweet.
00:52:33.000 I like that.
00:52:35.000 It's kind of adorable.
00:52:35.000 Yeah, it is kind of adorable.
00:52:37.000 They decide, like, what? 0.95
00:52:38.000 We've been fucking around all this time. 0.98
00:52:40.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:52:41.000 What have we been doing?
00:52:41.000 I know.
00:52:42.000 I feel like, you know, I've been circling the same guy for a really long time.
00:52:48.000 How long?
00:52:48.000 Like a shark?
00:52:50.000 Yeah.
00:52:50.000 Or like a cat?
00:52:52.000 Like that extinct mouse.
00:52:59.000 Yeah, I've only really had one actual relationship, and we got back together back and forth for like five or six years, broke up and got back together, broke up and got back together,
00:53:15.000 and then we haven't been together for over three years now, but we slept together for a while even after that, but we haven't slept together for a year and some change.
00:53:26.000 And oddly enough, he just moved back to St. Louis, too.
00:53:30.000 We both met in New York City, and he's living with his parents, too.
00:53:33.000 Oh, perfect.
00:53:34.000 As we're both looking to what we're going to do next. 0.93
00:53:37.000 Yeah, you think it is perfect, but he won't have sex with me. 0.87
00:53:40.000 What? 0.98
00:53:40.000 I know. 0.98
00:53:41.000 He won't?
00:53:42.000 Because I think he, like...
00:53:43.000 Is gay? 0.73
00:53:44.000 ...cares about me. 0.98
00:53:45.000 Wow.
00:53:46.000 And like doesn't want to upset me because I tend to have sex with someone and then I get my hopes up a little bit.
00:53:53.000 I mean I got my hopes up on a plane in a conversation with a guy.
00:53:56.000 I was like planning our future together.
00:53:57.000 What were you thinking?
00:53:58.000 What was like the ultimate goal?
00:54:00.000 Like you're seeing the babies, you're seeing the whole thing?
00:54:02.000 No, it's just like he was talking about his family and I was picturing meeting them.
00:54:05.000 And he mentioned moving to San Diego and I was kind of annoyed because I'm like, we haven't even talked about San Diego yet.
00:54:11.000 I'm not even joking you.
00:54:13.000 He mentioned some things and I'm like, well, you don't even know that I want to go there, but I would.
00:54:18.000 But that's weird that he would just say that.
00:54:21.000 So, yeah, I mean, I... I really do.
00:54:25.000 As soon as I start talking to a guy, I start picturing our future.
00:54:29.000 I picture walking down the aisle to him.
00:54:32.000 Yeah, I get ahead of myself.
00:54:33.000 Well, that's better than the opposite.
00:54:35.000 The opposite is never thinking you're ever going to be in a relationship, and every guy you talk to never imagining that it's ever going to go anywhere.
00:54:43.000 Yeah, yeah, no.
00:54:44.000 At least I have some hope.
00:54:45.000 Yeah, you're hopeful.
00:54:46.000 I do have hope.
00:54:47.000 Yeah, you're hopeful.
00:54:49.000 So this guy cares about you, so he won't hook up with you because he doesn't want to get your hopes up. 0.88
00:54:55.000 Yeah, it's really nice because every time we hang out together, I'm always like, can we please just have sex? 0.65
00:55:03.000 I haven't had sex in 17 months now. 0.95
00:55:07.000 It's so long, Joe.
00:55:08.000 He won't just hook you up?
00:55:10.000 No, well we...
00:55:11.000 I know. 0.93
00:55:12.000 He's terrible. 0.98
00:55:14.000 I mean, I could get laid. 1.00
00:55:18.000 There are guys that would gladly fuck me, but I just don't feel comfortable having random sex. 0.99
00:55:25.000 I'm not good at it. 1.00
00:55:26.000 I need to really like someone.
00:55:28.000 And he just knows how to get it done, and we've done it so many times.
00:55:30.000 It just feels like it would be so easy.
00:55:32.000 Yeah, it would be.
00:55:33.000 But he's right.
00:55:35.000 I probably would think, oh my god, we're going to be something.
00:55:38.000 We're going to get back together, and then my heart would get broken again.
00:55:40.000 So it might not be worth it.
00:55:41.000 What does he do?
00:55:42.000 He works in radio.
00:55:44.000 He was a producer, a behind-the-scenes producer.
00:55:48.000 We met on a show that I had on MTV, and then we created a show together on Comedy Central, and then that show got canceled, and then we got canceled, and now he's on the radio in St. Louis.
00:56:00.000 He's like a broadcaster now.
00:56:03.000 At least he's a good guy.
00:56:05.000 He is a good guy.
00:56:06.000 He's thinking about it that way.
00:56:07.000 Yeah, it's really nice. 0.93
00:56:07.000 Because most guys, if a girl's like, can we please have sex? 0.93
00:56:11.000 Like, that's it? 0.99
00:56:12.000 Just sex? 0.87
00:56:13.000 Yeah, that's it. 0.85
00:56:15.000 Yeah.
00:56:15.000 And I've said that before so many times.
00:56:17.000 Like, that's all I want.
00:56:19.000 I don't want anything more than that.
00:56:20.000 That's so not true, though.
00:56:22.000 You get to learn.
00:56:23.000 Men have to learn that that's not really true. 0.99
00:56:26.000 I mean, I've only had a couple times ever in my life, but I was younger and stupid where a girl said, I just want sex. 0.99
00:56:32.000 But then after you give it to them, they... 0.99
00:56:35.000 Generally, that's not really the case.
00:56:37.000 No, it's not.
00:56:38.000 Because I think women develop intimacy bonds with men in a different way.
00:56:42.000 Like we were talking earlier about, not that I think, I know, right?
00:56:46.000 It's generalizing, but we're talking about using.
00:56:50.000 Men do not care if you use them. 1.00
00:56:53.000 It means zero. 0.98
00:56:54.000 If a woman is like, I just want to use you for sex, guys are like, okay. 1.00
00:56:58.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:56:59.000 There's no negative connotation. 1.00
00:57:02.000 If you are walking by a girl and her friends, and she used you for sex, and she tells her friends, yeah, I fucked that guy just for the sex. 1.00
00:57:11.000 He's going to be psyched. 1.00
00:57:14.000 He's not going to feel bad, but if a girl walks by and a guy's hanging out with his friends, and is like, yeah, I just use her for sex, she's going to be like, ugh. 0.99
00:57:22.000 She's going to feel terrible. 0.87
00:57:24.000 The guy wouldn't feel bad at all, unless he's really weird.
00:57:27.000 Obviously, we're generalizing again.
00:57:29.000 Sure.
00:57:29.000 But most men are not going to have an issue with that.
00:57:32.000 I don't know. 0.96
00:57:32.000 I just got kind of horned up when you said, when I pictured passing a guy and someone said I just used her for sex. 0.96
00:57:38.000 That kind of was exciting to me. 0.83
00:57:40.000 You got excited about that?
00:57:41.000 Because he doesn't want anything.
00:57:42.000 I'm scared of intimacy in a big way.
00:57:45.000 So I do like the idea of just being used and like, oh, someone just doesn't want to get to know me.
00:57:51.000 The problem is, if you get rocked, right, and it's fun, and you enjoy it, and you actually have a good time.
00:57:56.000 Well, you gotta assume, too, if you're having sex with someone, you don't hate them.
00:57:59.000 Yeah.
00:57:59.000 You like them as a person.
00:58:01.000 I know, that's the problem. 0.99
00:58:01.000 You have to like someone to have sex with them, and then when you have sex with them, then now you like them and you had sex with them. 0.99
00:58:06.000 And then here's the other problem. 0.98
00:58:08.000 If you like them more than they like you, then you get upset.
00:58:12.000 Like, a lot of times people, when they get rejected by someone, they feel pain.
00:58:17.000 They feel pain of either being rejected or neglected, and then they associate that pain with something negative that the person has done, even if they haven't really done anything negative.
00:58:25.000 And then they get angry at that person.
00:58:26.000 Yep.
00:58:27.000 And you're like, I didn't do anything.
00:58:28.000 That's what this guy's avoiding. 0.99
00:58:29.000 You know, you just used me for sex. 1.00
00:58:30.000 And you're like, ah! 1.00
00:58:31.000 Yep.
00:58:32.000 No, we had sex.
00:58:35.000 It's not even like I would feel like I was getting used, but I would just be so disappointed.
00:58:39.000 Like, why don't you want more with me?
00:58:40.000 Why wouldn't you want to marry? 0.86
00:58:42.000 Why don't you want to spend time with me all the time?
00:58:44.000 Why don't you want to be my man?
00:58:46.000 And that's the problem.
00:58:48.000 But what he does do that makes me feel great is like, he always says, I want to make it clear. 1.00
00:58:53.000 I want to fuck you so bad. 0.99
00:58:55.000 He'll tell me all the things that I need to hear that essentially just kind of Get you juiced up. 1.00
00:59:01.000 Yeah, like it makes me feel as good as if I got dicked down.
00:59:05.000 Okay, so he says all the things I want to, but the problem is...
00:59:08.000 Yeah, like you look so good, this is what I do to you, this is what I want to do.
00:59:11.000 I like to smash it.
00:59:12.000 Yes, and then I leave feeling like, oh, okay, like, still got it. 0.59
00:59:16.000 That's good, that's good.
00:59:17.000 So it is good.
00:59:18.000 Sounds like a good guy.
00:59:19.000 He is a good guy.
00:59:20.000 And, um... 1.00
00:59:22.000 Not like that asshole on the fucking plane. 1.00
00:59:24.000 No, that guy was so good too. 1.00
00:59:25.000 That poor guy wrote to me.
00:59:26.000 Because we exchanged numbers.
00:59:28.000 Because like I said, plant that seed.
00:59:30.000 His relationship might fall apart.
00:59:32.000 Especially now that you've talked about it on two different podcasts.
00:59:34.000 I know.
00:59:34.000 He's going to text me again.
00:59:36.000 Bob, is that you?
00:59:37.000 I know.
00:59:37.000 I need to talk to you.
00:59:39.000 If his girlfriend is listening, I just want to say he did nothing inappropriate.
00:59:42.000 He never flirted me.
00:59:43.000 There was nothing he did that if he were my boyfriend, I'd be like, he shouldn't have done that.
00:59:47.000 So he behaved like a true gentleman, did not flirt with me.
00:59:51.000 I read into it way too much.
00:59:54.000 But, I mean...
00:59:56.000 What are you going to do?
00:59:58.000 I don't know what I'm going to do.
00:59:59.000 I'm on Raya.
01:00:02.000 Raya is a dating app for celebrities, right?
01:00:05.000 I like a blue checkmark, and it's not because I like guys that are famous, because they're famous and I want to be famous.
01:00:11.000 Maybe it has a little bit to do with that.
01:00:13.000 I'm not going to say it has nothing to do with that.
01:00:16.000 There's something hot about a guy being extremely successful and other people thinking that he's cool.
01:00:22.000 Okay, yes, I'll give you that.
01:00:23.000 I think it's because I can know them before I go into the date.
01:00:28.000 I can watch their stuff.
01:00:29.000 I feel like I'm already acquainted with them.
01:00:32.000 That's why I like a blue checkmark.
01:00:34.000 I can get to know you before I go on a date.
01:00:36.000 I don't like going into these things blind.
01:00:40.000 So that's why I like a blue check. 0.99
01:00:42.000 But there's no one in St. Louis that's on the goddamn app. 0.99
01:00:45.000 No one? 0.99
01:00:46.000 No.
01:00:46.000 Not one person?
01:00:49.000 Really, honestly, no.
01:00:50.000 There's no one in St. Louis on them.
01:00:52.000 Where are they all?
01:00:52.000 New York and L.A.? Yeah.
01:00:53.000 Or like Stockholm.
01:00:55.000 I mean, it's all over the globe.
01:00:57.000 It's global.
01:00:58.000 And so I'm connecting with some guys on that.
01:01:01.000 And then I just always get so busy when I come here.
01:01:03.000 I don't want to go on a first date with someone.
01:01:05.000 I just want to hang out with my friends that I haven't seen in forever.
01:01:07.000 I've been into this book lately.
01:01:09.000 It's called Irresistible.
01:01:10.000 It's about addictions.
01:01:11.000 I downloaded it because I saw you recommend it and oh my god.
01:01:15.000 It's heavy, right?
01:01:16.000 Yeah.
01:01:17.000 I'm really scared.
01:01:19.000 One of the things I was thinking about when I was going through it is dating apps.
01:01:25.000 That's kind of the same thing.
01:01:26.000 People are addicted to those.
01:01:27.000 They have to be.
01:01:28.000 How many people are having these random encounters because of dating apps?
01:01:34.000 How many people are...
01:01:35.000 It's like swiping left.
01:01:37.000 Which one is good?
01:01:38.000 Right is good.
01:01:39.000 Right means you like them.
01:01:40.000 Yeah.
01:01:41.000 So do you go to the right?
01:01:42.000 You swipe them right.
01:01:44.000 So you go right.
01:01:45.000 You go right.
01:01:46.000 So you go from left to right.
01:01:48.000 Yes.
01:01:49.000 They're in the middle and then you swipe them right.
01:01:51.000 Or you swipe them left.
01:01:52.000 And that means you like them. 1.00
01:01:55.000 Left means, no, you're garbage. 1.00
01:01:57.000 I never want to see you again. 1.00
01:01:58.000 And right means, let's do it.
01:01:59.000 And sometimes you go too fast on the left.
01:02:01.000 Because sometimes you're just like, oh, what does this app think of me? 0.99
01:02:03.000 What if you fuck up and you go, oh, I should have went right on that guy. 0.99
01:02:06.000 Can you go back? 1.00
01:02:07.000 I feel like Rose on the Titanic and Jack just fell into the abyss.
01:02:10.000 I really feel like my husband.
01:02:12.000 I'm just like, what did I do?
01:02:13.000 Because sometimes you go too fast.
01:02:15.000 Because sometimes I'm just like, ugh.
01:02:17.000 It could have been the one.
01:02:18.000 And then you lay in bed going, what if it was him?
01:02:20.000 Ah!
01:02:21.000 And you can't go back?
01:02:22.000 You can.
01:02:23.000 You can shake the app very gently.
01:02:25.000 Shake it?
01:02:25.000 Yeah, you just go like, because at first I was going like, bring it back!
01:02:31.000 And it wouldn't work, because people told me, just shake it, it'll come back.
01:02:34.000 And it wouldn't work, but then I realized you have to do one solid, you have to be in control of yourself.
01:02:41.000 And then it'll come back.
01:02:42.000 And then you see him wearing a tank top and you swipe him left again. 0.97
01:02:46.000 You're like, oh my god, ew, disgusting. 0.83
01:02:47.000 Tank tops are gross? 0.94
01:02:49.000 No, I just find something about a guy that I can be like, I can't deal with that.
01:02:54.000 He'll say his dog is his best friend.
01:02:57.000 My mom thinks I'm a catch or you know some part of his personality is based on a food he loves just anything kind of deplorable like that or like I love to get lost in a good book or just something just shut up I love I want to I want to cook for you whenever a guy writes that I'm just like oh you're poor I get I mean like you take me to a restaurant I don't want to watch you cook Let's just go sit down and I don't want to watch you have to,
01:03:26.000 like, just because you got, you know, one of those meal kit delivery services, I have to sit and watch you chop cilantro and talk about your connection with your nephew that I'm never going to remember because we're never going to see each other again.
01:03:38.000 Just take me to a restaurant.
01:03:41.000 I don't know.
01:03:41.000 These guys are just trying their best.
01:03:43.000 I just get so angry at these apps.
01:03:45.000 It's so funny, the thing that gets mad that gets you mad that cooks.
01:03:49.000 Yeah, I get mad at guys that cook. 0.99
01:03:52.000 Eventually cook for me, but just shut up. 0.98
01:03:55.000 I don't care. 0.97
01:03:57.000 And I don't cook.
01:03:58.000 It's not like I'm going to take care of that.
01:04:00.000 So I guess I would like a guy who cooks.
01:04:02.000 More like a guy who just, like, I don't know what I want.
01:04:07.000 This isn't fair to anyone.
01:04:09.000 I don't know what I want.
01:04:11.000 I want a guy who I already know and I can hang around with and then develop a crush on and then I decide when we're going to take it to the next level.
01:04:19.000 You just want to be the boss?
01:04:21.000 Kind of.
01:04:22.000 I want to be the one to be like, okay, now we can, even though I tend to like it when guys make the first move and kind of are a little bit aggressive. 0.99
01:04:30.000 So you don't know what the fuck you want. 0.99
01:04:30.000 I'm all over the place, John. 0.99
01:04:33.000 I don't know what the fuck I want. 0.96
01:04:36.000 I got a guy who texts me. 0.99
01:04:38.000 I'm crying over here.
01:04:40.000 So am I. Nothing can come out.
01:04:43.000 I'm crying.
01:04:45.000 It's not disrespectful laughter.
01:04:47.000 No, it's...
01:04:48.000 I know.
01:04:49.000 It's sad.
01:04:51.000 I got a guy right now who...
01:04:53.000 He's like a...
01:04:54.000 I would say...
01:04:56.000 We're talking an A-lister here.
01:04:58.000 Yeah.
01:04:59.000 One of my first.
01:05:00.000 Not my first, but he's definitely up there.
01:05:04.000 I've known about him for years, been a fan.
01:05:06.000 And we connected, and... 0.97
01:05:09.000 He just wants to sext with me and have FaceTime sex and stuff like that. 0.97
01:05:14.000 That's what he wants to do. 0.99
01:05:15.000 Without physical sex?
01:05:16.000 Well, he lives in Los Angeles and I live in St. Louis.
01:05:20.000 Whenever I'm available or in his area, he doesn't seem to want to meet up.
01:05:25.000 Oh.
01:05:25.000 It's just always...
01:05:27.000 He checks in on me every couple weeks and is just like...
01:05:30.000 Have you been intimate with this person?
01:05:32.000 No.
01:05:32.000 Oh, even weirder.
01:05:34.000 Met him one time in person and then it went right to texting.
01:05:36.000 That's weird.
01:05:38.000 Someone who, that's weird.
01:05:40.000 I know!
01:05:41.000 I don't like it either.
01:05:42.000 I'm like, can we hang out in person and then maybe I can virtually jerk you off or whatever you want me to do?
01:05:50.000 Walk you through?
01:05:52.000 Whatever it is you're doing to yourself But I mean I just made the mistake of getting him off one time when he was texting like he always texts me at like 3 a.m And it's just like how are you feeling like just checking in on my well-being in the middle of the night and um It's nice.
01:06:10.000 I really do think he cares about me, but there's some kind of weird...
01:06:14.000 We both have intimacy issues.
01:06:16.000 We've declared that to each other.
01:06:17.000 Something's going on there.
01:06:18.000 And we can't even see each other.
01:06:19.000 I mean, I lived in St. Louis with my parents, and he's here.
01:06:23.000 But you're here right now.
01:06:24.000 I know.
01:06:25.000 I didn't let him know I was here, but I didn't tell him.
01:06:28.000 He's going to find out.
01:06:31.000 When you talk about him on this podcast and millions of people hear about it.
01:06:34.000 No, no one will know.
01:06:36.000 No one will know.
01:06:37.000 He'll know.
01:06:38.000 He'll know.
01:06:38.000 Good.
01:06:39.000 You're listening.
01:06:40.000 Aren't you friends with Nikki?
01:06:41.000 Yeah.
01:06:42.000 She's on the podcast talking about...
01:06:44.000 No, no, no.
01:06:44.000 I don't think he tells anyone.
01:06:45.000 I doubt he's told anyone that we're friends or texting.
01:06:48.000 I bet he tells one guy.
01:06:49.000 Maybe one guy.
01:06:50.000 Yeah, well, let him know.
01:06:51.000 Let your friend know that I'm talking about him.
01:06:53.000 Tell your friend.
01:06:55.000 I do.
01:06:55.000 I like...
01:06:56.000 He's...
01:06:58.000 Well, we did this one thing.
01:07:01.000 The other night. 0.90
01:07:02.000 Because he texts me and then he wants to like have sex and I'm just, it takes me a little bit of time to get like really horny for someone. 0.91
01:07:09.000 He just wants to jump into it. 0.97
01:07:11.000 Right.
01:07:12.000 I would just like to maybe just talk on the phone, get to know each other.
01:07:15.000 How about go out?
01:07:17.000 Like a regular person.
01:07:18.000 Right.
01:07:19.000 I would like that too.
01:07:20.000 Go on a date.
01:07:21.000 One time, pre-COVID, he was in New York, and I was like, let's meet up.
01:07:24.000 And he was like, are you flirting with me?
01:07:26.000 And I was like...
01:07:27.000 Oh, this has been going on a while.
01:07:28.000 I guess, yeah.
01:07:29.000 So COVID's five, six months, right?
01:07:31.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:07:32.000 Jesus.
01:07:32.000 It's just off and on.
01:07:34.000 It's every couple months this guy remembers that I exist.
01:07:36.000 It's...
01:07:38.000 Like me.
01:07:38.000 There's no future here.
01:07:40.000 He watched my special and he was like...
01:07:41.000 I think before my special he didn't think much of anything and then he watched my special and I talked so much about sex.
01:07:47.000 He thinks that I'm super, super sexual even though I haven't had sex in so long.
01:07:51.000 I don't even know... 0.87
01:07:53.000 Well, I think you're sexual but also sensitive.
01:07:56.000 That's what's going on.
01:07:57.000 It's not that you're not sexual.
01:07:59.000 You're sensitive.
01:08:00.000 You don't want to get hurt.
01:08:01.000 And you're also smart and you've lived on this planet long enough to know what fucks you up and what doesn't.
01:08:08.000 So you're careful.
01:08:10.000 Yes!
01:08:10.000 It's not that you're not sexual.
01:08:12.000 Okay, I like that. 0.98
01:08:13.000 You're pretty sexual. 0.84
01:08:14.000 Really? 0.98
01:08:15.000 Yeah, I would say you're very sexual. 0.95
01:08:17.000 Oh, good.
01:08:17.000 I haven't felt that way.
01:08:19.000 I haven't hooked up in so long.
01:08:21.000 I don't get horny that much.
01:08:22.000 Yeah, but you obviously talk about it a lot.
01:08:23.000 Yeah, but you're not around someone.
01:08:26.000 Yes.
01:08:27.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:08:28.000 If I was around someone, like, uncomfortable, if I had someone to have sex with, I'd be like your old lazy-eyed lady from back in the day. 1.00
01:08:40.000 I would be getting... 0.97
01:08:41.000 Yeah, I can get addicted to sex pretty quick when I'm in a relationship and, like, having it.
01:08:47.000 It's just an easy way to tap out.
01:08:49.000 And forget your feelings.
01:08:50.000 That was also part of the book about Irresistible.
01:08:54.000 It even talks about sex addictions and gambling addictions.
01:08:57.000 I couldn't really get into that book because I got distracted by my phone again.
01:09:01.000 I'm reading it on my phone as I'm learning that I'm addicted to my phone.
01:09:06.000 So that was a part of it. 0.98
01:09:09.000 I feel like so many guys are sex addicts. 0.99
01:09:11.000 A lot that I deal with and have relationships with or communicating with, I'm just like, oh, this guy's a sex addict. 0.99
01:09:18.000 And a lot of them are famous. 0.88
01:09:22.000 I think that creates... 0.70
01:09:24.000 I mean, you can have sex with anyone you want when you're famous. 0.53
01:09:27.000 Yeah, that's part of the problem. 0.99
01:09:28.000 Really, really hot chicks. 0.99
01:09:29.000 Really hot chicks. 1.00
01:09:30.000 They throw themselves at you and you become a woman. 1.00
01:09:33.000 And they're sex addicts. 1.00
01:09:33.000 You're like the woman. 1.00
01:09:34.000 You're the one who's being pursued.
01:09:35.000 Oh, right.
01:09:36.000 Yes.
01:09:37.000 And so that's the problem with famous guys is they're too busy with really, really hot chicks constantly being thrown at them.
01:09:44.000 They don't really need to have a relationship. 0.61
01:09:47.000 I mean, that's the appeal of having a relationship for a lot of guys, I think, is just having a regular person to have sex with.
01:09:52.000 That's definitely one of it. 0.87
01:09:54.000 And then there's also this book is talking about porn addicts and gambling addicts.
01:10:01.000 And then it's really all the same thing.
01:10:03.000 It's like your body and your brain gets fixated on particular activities and those particular activities occupy your mind so much and then it becomes a detriment to your life.
01:10:15.000 And it's with video games, it's with sex, it's with porn, it's with gambling, it's with drugs.
01:10:21.000 And they used to think that they're different things.
01:10:25.000 And obviously drugs have physical consequences, like heroin and alcohol.
01:10:30.000 Alcohol is one of the worst to get off of.
01:10:32.000 Because when you get off of alcohol, people who are legitimate alcoholics, they can die if they go cult Amy Winehouse.
01:10:39.000 That's how she died.
01:10:40.000 No, bulimia.
01:10:42.000 I don't know if that's true.
01:10:43.000 No one talks about it.
01:10:44.000 Well, let's Google that.
01:10:45.000 Look it up, because her documentary, she was puking her brains out at the end, and that can cause cardiac arrest like that. 1.00
01:10:53.000 And so I think, I mean, it could have been a mixture of both, but I do think her bulimia had a huge... 1.00
01:10:59.000 I listen to fucking her shit so often. 1.00
01:11:03.000 She's on my regular playlist. 1.00
01:11:05.000 She's in so much pain, you can hear it in her voice.
01:11:08.000 It was such a beautiful voice, such an interesting voice.
01:11:11.000 Even when she's singing about going to rehab, you know?
01:11:14.000 Amy Winehouse killed by bulimia, not drugs, says her brother.
01:11:17.000 Yeah.
01:11:18.000 Drink and drugs took their toll, but eating disorder fatally weakened Amy.
01:11:22.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00
01:11:23.000 Some serious shit. 0.99
01:11:24.000 But what is the coroner's result, though? 1.00
01:11:30.000 Do they say?
01:11:31.000 But the thing is, the brother would know.
01:11:34.000 Yeah.
01:11:34.000 I just think that that gets swept under the table so much, eating disorders, when really that is...
01:11:41.000 And you know, COVID is killing a lot of people with eating disorders too, people that on the other side of that, food addicts who can't stop eating and obesity.
01:11:51.000 It makes you so much more susceptible to COVID. I only know that because I've dabbled in all of those things before and it's terrible.
01:12:02.000 I'm a definite addict and I gotta watch it.
01:12:05.000 But the sex addict thing, I just think that's one that's unchecked for so many people and so acceptable. 0.96
01:12:13.000 Porn addiction, I can't get off without watching porn. 0.98
01:12:17.000 You can't get off at all without watching porn? 0.99
01:12:19.000 No, not even close.
01:12:20.000 I wouldn't even try if my internet was down.
01:12:23.000 We had a power outage the other day at my house, and it was just like, okay, well, that's... 0.96
01:12:26.000 I would be screwed without porn. 0.98
01:12:28.000 I couldn't do it. 0.99
01:12:29.000 I mean, I would figure out a way.
01:12:30.000 I think I would...
01:12:32.000 Manage, but if my toys aren't working and aren't plugged in and if I don't have porn, I'm just not getting off.
01:12:38.000 I've never been someone who can do it manually and with my imagination.
01:12:41.000 It's really a problem because the porn I watch is like not good.
01:12:46.000 What kind? 0.94
01:12:47.000 Joe.
01:12:49.000 Joe, Joe, Joe.
01:12:51.000 Nicky, Nicky, Nicky!
01:12:53.000 Dude, it's bad.
01:12:54.000 Like what kind?
01:12:56.000 Stepmom stuff?
01:12:57.000 No.
01:12:58.000 That's tame.
01:12:59.000 Are you kidding me?
01:13:00.000 Gang rape? 0.86
01:13:01.000 Yeah?
01:13:02.000 Really? 0.99
01:13:03.000 I mean, I got a threat on a DM from just some fucking troll a while back that was like, if I put out a hit on the dark web for you to be gang raped and paid the guys $100,000 to do it, I could make that happen, 0.99
01:13:18.000 and you know someone would accept that. 0.99
01:13:20.000 And I was like, joke's on you that that's my fantasy.
01:13:26.000 I don't really mean that.
01:13:27.000 Please do not do that.
01:13:28.000 But I was also like, no, that's, I'm not joking.
01:13:31.000 Like that tends to be the stuff that I watch is like really aggressive gang bangs and like women tied up. 1.00
01:13:37.000 I pay for my porn because I feel so bad what's happening to the women in it. 0.99
01:13:41.000 I hope that they are being compensated for it.
01:13:44.000 So I pay like 30 bucks a month for kink.com. 0.99
01:13:47.000 I'm watching really fucked up stuff. 0.97
01:13:50.000 And I've always been into being tied up. 0.98
01:13:55.000 I'm someone who doesn't feel like I deserve pleasure without having pain.
01:14:00.000 I don't ever celebrate anything.
01:14:02.000 I can only celebrate or relax if I put in so much work that I'm just dead.
01:14:07.000 It's really hard for me to enjoy myself in life.
01:14:11.000 I always have to punish myself first.
01:14:14.000 And so orgasms are not something that I feel I feel it's hard for me to give myself one and let myself have that much.
01:14:21.000 It's too much.
01:14:23.000 It's like Christmas.
01:14:24.000 You're like, you have to wait a year for Christmas.
01:14:26.000 You can't give yourself Christmas every day.
01:14:28.000 So I feel I like to be tied up and forced to have Christmas.
01:14:33.000 Jesus Christ.
01:14:34.000 That's what I tend to like.
01:14:37.000 You have to do this.
01:14:38.000 And because I don't like losing control either.
01:14:41.000 And the orgasm is the most you can lose control.
01:14:44.000 I just feel like...
01:14:46.000 I don't like being that out of control and I don't know what's gonna happen. 0.99
01:14:49.000 I'm scared I'm just gonna like shit everywhere or something. 0.99
01:14:52.000 I'm totally scared of shitting everywhere. 0.99
01:14:55.000 I am! 0.99
01:14:57.000 Is no one else scared of that when they come? 0.97
01:15:01.000 I don't think I've never shit everywhere we're saying something that you regret or like just do it I don't know having a Kramer moment when I'm just kidding no just I'm terrified of what might happen that's why I only have sex with people that I like trust so much so that if I shit on them they wouldn't I know that that guy wouldn't hate me right and like wouldn't tell people And that's why you're willing to let them tie you up. 0.98
01:15:24.000 You trust them so much. 0.99
01:15:25.000 Because if they tie me up and I shit, okay? 1.00
01:15:28.000 That's my biggest fear. 1.00
01:15:30.000 Yeah!
01:15:31.000 It wasn't my fault.
01:15:32.000 You tied me up.
01:15:33.000 I did no choice.
01:15:34.000 Oh my god.
01:15:35.000 Yeah, so if you're forced, then you have...
01:15:39.000 Yeah, then it's not your fault what you did or what you said.
01:15:43.000 So do you ever watch regular porn or is it always tied?
01:15:46.000 No, never. 0.99
01:15:47.000 I go to kink.com, I go to anal, I go to bondage, I go to gangbangs. 0.99
01:15:53.000 My problem is I do not like the women to be abused. 1.00
01:15:57.000 But you can't find gangbangs where the woman's being treated nicely. 1.00
01:16:00.000 You can't find one where they're just like, good job!
01:16:03.000 You're taking on so much.
01:16:05.000 I've talked about this in my special, but I thought after talking about it in my special and saying, can I please get a respectful gangbang?
01:16:11.000 Porn would listen and heed my request and make her gangbang when they're proud of her for her tenacity and her strength during this really arduous journey.
01:16:30.000 I'm not kidding you. 0.97
01:16:34.000 I watch porn with half the screen covered up because I don't like what they do to her head, but I like what they're doing to the rest of her. 0.99
01:16:43.000 They're so mean, choking her, doing a fish hook. 0.97
01:16:47.000 I don't like any of that, but I like the idea of gangbangs.
01:16:50.000 I like the idea of a girl being used and taken advantage of. 1.00
01:16:55.000 And I do feel guilty about all this because I'm a feminist.
01:16:58.000 Obviously I love women and I want us to feel empowered and I'm so sad for these women. 1.00
01:17:02.000 But that's what gets me off.
01:17:05.000 What a conundrum.
01:17:07.000 Yeah!
01:17:07.000 I don't want to be fisted, Joe!
01:17:10.000 But that's all that gets me off is watching women get fisted! 1.00
01:17:16.000 I like that now!
01:17:17.000 And I don't have any interest in having that done to me.
01:17:21.000 Why do you like it?
01:17:22.000 Or so I say.
01:17:22.000 I don't know.
01:17:27.000 Oh my god, thank you!
01:17:28.000 This might be the most fun podcast ever.
01:17:31.000 Oh my god, Joe, thank you. 0.97
01:17:32.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.55
01:17:33.000 I don't know what I'm even saying, but yeah, dude, I'm watching... 0.99
01:17:36.000 I'm crying!
01:17:36.000 I'm watching, like, it just is a slippery slope, dude.
01:17:40.000 It just gets...
01:17:42.000 You know, you go from just like slight bondage where a girl's tied up and a guy's maybe like doing some stuff to her with a wand and like fingering her and choking her a little bit and then it's just like seven guys riding pig on a girl's head and making her oink.
01:18:03.000 And spitting on her.
01:18:05.000 Did you bookmark those?
01:18:06.000 I mean, I have a file.
01:18:09.000 I have an email that I send to myself.
01:18:12.000 It's called Porn I Like, and I just keep sending myself the next...
01:18:15.000 Anytime I come from a video, I send it to myself so I can go back.
01:18:18.000 And I can also see my...
01:18:21.000 My descendants into depravity through the years.
01:18:24.000 I can see where I started and where I'm at and how it happened.
01:18:27.000 How long has this email chain been going on for?
01:18:29.000 It's been going on since 2017 is when I started it.
01:18:31.000 So I have a good backlog.
01:18:34.000 But what I like about this is that usually the girl is... 1.00
01:18:38.000 I don't like to see a girl in distress.
01:18:40.000 As soon as I think that she's not having a good time, I get out of it.
01:18:45.000 Because a lot of these girls are having a good time. 1.00
01:18:47.000 They like to be pushed to the limit.
01:18:50.000 One of my favorite porn actresses, and I just want to give her a shout out because she does brilliant work, is Kristen Scott. 1.00
01:18:56.000 And one of the best videos is called School of Seduction.
01:19:00.000 I think that's what it's called.
01:19:02.000 Or no. 0.99
01:19:03.000 Oh fuck, what is it called? 1.00
01:19:05.000 There's like this academy that these girls go to where they learn to be sluts. 1.00
01:19:12.000 And they have to like graduate and there's like five days where they go to the school and they're tied up and they're just like fucked by a bunch of people and they're made to like plank and get fucked at the same time as they're planking and it's just like they get they just they have to do what you say when someone tells you you have to do something you have to be like oh I guess I have to do it it's not my fault that I'm a whore and they I just like that that's what I'm into Because I think I have so much guilt associated with wanting to be sexual or wanting to feel sexual that if someone's making 0.99
01:19:42.000 me do it, then suddenly it's not my fault.
01:19:44.000 So do you think that's why you like bondage and gangbanks because it's out of the person's control?
01:19:49.000 Yeah.
01:19:49.000 Yeah.
01:19:49.000 And I was looking into like, because I was feeling guilty about having like, I don't have rape fantasies.
01:19:54.000 I don't have that.
01:19:55.000 But a lot of women do. 1.00
01:19:56.000 So many women do. 1.00
01:19:57.000 And it's actually called, it's not a rape fantasy because you're not fantasizing about actually being raped because that's not consensual.
01:20:05.000 You want consensual, it's called CNC, consensual non-consent.
01:20:09.000 That's what it's called.
01:20:10.000 And I'm kind of into that.
01:20:13.000 That's an interesting phrase.
01:20:15.000 Consensual non-consent.
01:20:16.000 I know.
01:20:17.000 It's kind of murky.
01:20:18.000 But saying rape fantasy is just not...
01:20:21.000 Right. 0.99
01:20:22.000 You don't want to be raped by someone you don't want to have sex with. 0.99
01:20:25.000 You want to be raped by someone you're really attracted to, but you want to give in to it, so you want it to happen. 0.97
01:20:31.000 So it's sort of kind of rape, but not really rape, because you actually want it to happen. 0.98
01:20:35.000 You want it to mimic...
01:20:37.000 You want it to be like role-playing rape. 0.81
01:20:39.000 Yeah.
01:20:40.000 But you could stop it at any time because you have a safe word and you have all these things.
01:20:44.000 So it isn't rape.
01:20:46.000 So women that go, I have a rape fantasy and think that's quirky about themselves. 1.00
01:20:49.000 You really don't.
01:20:50.000 You don't want that.
01:20:51.000 No one wants that.
01:20:53.000 And so, yeah, that's what it's called is consensual non-consent is what so many women are into. 1.00
01:21:00.000 And I read about it on Reddit because I'm in the subreddit sex and it's just a very common thing that women want in bed. 0.99
01:21:06.000 Women like to be choked. 1.00
01:21:08.000 They like to be bossed around. 0.98
01:21:09.000 They like their hair pulled.
01:21:10.000 They like, you know...
01:21:11.000 But they only like it to be done by people they want it to be done by.
01:21:15.000 Yes, yes.
01:21:16.000 That's where it gets weird, right?
01:21:17.000 I want to make that very clear.
01:21:18.000 Yeah.
01:21:18.000 Yeah.
01:21:19.000 Although, there are some times that I... There are some times that...
01:21:25.000 You know, in some of these porns where the guy is like, I'm not attracted to him, and I wouldn't want his dick inside me, but I definitely like when they treat you like a car they're working on, and they just use tools on you, and there's no dicks involved. 0.99
01:21:36.000 That appeals to me. 0.99
01:21:38.000 That's a very popular one.
01:21:40.000 Like, if there was a place you could go, like a body shop, and just get worked on.
01:21:44.000 Yep.
01:21:45.000 I would love it.
01:21:46.000 If there was a place you could go where... 1.00
01:21:49.000 Guys would just massage your vagina and use tools on you and you'd be totally down with that. 1.00
01:21:55.000 Yeah, as long as there's no cameras and no one would ever talk about that I was there. 0.99
01:21:58.000 I mean, I'd be talking about it on here the next week, but as long as it was up to me.
01:22:03.000 You could wear a mask and your sleep mask as well.
01:22:05.000 Oh yeah, that's good.
01:22:06.000 I could wear a mask.
01:22:06.000 You could wear both masks.
01:22:07.000 Okay, yeah.
01:22:08.000 And just lay there and have them eat you out.
01:22:11.000 No, I don't want them. 0.90
01:22:12.000 A mouth.
01:22:13.000 You don't want the mouth. 0.96
01:22:14.000 Maybe.
01:22:15.000 I don't know.
01:22:16.000 Maybe you have to go there a couple of times and you get bored with dildos? 1.00
01:22:19.000 I don't.
01:22:22.000 No, dildos are so good. 0.86
01:22:26.000 Dildos and toys are amazing.
01:22:29.000 I like a wand. 0.98
01:22:30.000 I don't even think I could have regular sex without also a vibrator, too. 0.98
01:22:35.000 Yeah, I want penetration and I want something else, too. 0.99
01:22:39.000 Wow. 1.00
01:22:43.000 What's the longest time you've taken without any masturbation or sex? 0.99
01:22:47.000 Months and months. 0.99
01:22:48.000 I can go months without masturbating. 0.90
01:22:52.000 But when I get hooked on it, it's the same way I abstain from pot. 0.63
01:22:56.000 Right now I've gone 12 days, but if I sparked one up right now, I'd be doing all the time until I go cold turkey.
01:23:03.000 And I quit.
01:23:04.000 So I went a really long time without it.
01:23:08.000 During the quarantine and then I haven't hooked up with I haven't had sex since for you know a year and a half at this point and I've hooked up a couple times in that in that time with guys but I've always stopped it before I've even had like been even close.
01:23:28.000 I just knew I wasn't gonna come so I was just like just let's stop.
01:23:31.000 When you were talking about like gang bangs and stuff, your hands, you had like a death grip on your knuckles and you're like bringing your hands back and forth.
01:23:41.000 You're going over in your head.
01:23:42.000 I'm like, Jesus.
01:23:43.000 Oh my God.
01:23:44.000 I know.
01:23:45.000 I get really intense about it.
01:23:46.000 Yeah, you were very intense about it.
01:23:48.000 Yeah.
01:23:48.000 For sure.
01:23:50.000 Well, I feel really bad even admitting that that's what I'm into.
01:23:55.000 Well, you shouldn't feel bad.
01:23:57.000 That's what you're into.
01:23:58.000 Look, you're not a bad person.
01:23:59.000 You're a good person.
01:24:00.000 Thanks, Joe. 0.99
01:24:01.000 And you're into weird shit. 1.00
01:24:02.000 But that's okay. 1.00
01:24:03.000 I'm not the only one.
01:24:05.000 Oh, there's a website.
01:24:07.000 Yeah.
01:24:08.000 Kink.com is not supported by Nikki Glaser alone.
01:24:10.000 No, they aren't.
01:24:11.000 Could you imagine?
01:24:12.000 It's like there was a chart.
01:24:13.000 It's like, look, it's all Nikki.
01:24:15.000 You know, we thought we had subscribers.
01:24:17.000 This one lady. 1.00
01:24:18.000 She's out of her fucking mind. 1.00
01:24:20.000 There's a whole industry based her on this one broad. 1.00
01:24:22.000 They kind of make more, too, because I am running out of videos to watch because it's hard for me to go back and watch old ones.
01:24:27.000 So I've been going back and going because they've been around forever.
01:24:30.000 And I went back like, you know, 68 pages and there's stuff from like pre 9-11.
01:24:36.000 I'm like, I can't watch this woman from 2000 take on six guys. 0.99
01:24:40.000 20 years later, now she's 80. Yeah, because I just picture her now.
01:24:42.000 Like, where?
01:24:43.000 Where did her life take her?
01:24:45.000 That's the problem, right? 0.94
01:24:46.000 So you think about what happened to them that allowed them to be that person in the gangbang with pig written on their face. 0.98
01:24:52.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:24:53.000 That's the problem.
01:24:54.000 That's the problem.
01:24:54.000 And that's why a lot of videos on kink.com have a pre-interview and a post-interview.
01:24:59.000 So you see the girl go, I'm really looking forward to this gangbang today.
01:25:03.000 I've wanted to do this for so long.
01:25:05.000 It's been a goal of mine.
01:25:07.000 I'm really into this.
01:25:08.000 I don't like this.
01:25:09.000 You know, you see them consent to all of it and then it happens.
01:25:11.000 And then they have the post one where they're like shivering in a towel with like wiping pig off their forehead.
01:25:18.000 And they're like, that was fun!
01:25:20.000 And you see them and there's always a post interview to, you know, prove they survived.
01:25:25.000 Oof.
01:25:27.000 Rough.
01:25:28.000 Do you get criticized for talking about this stuff by other women? 1.00
01:25:34.000 I will after this, for sure.
01:25:36.000 But no, generally not, because I think I'm not alone.
01:25:40.000 Because you went so far with this one, you think?
01:25:41.000 Why do you think you will with this one?
01:25:43.000 Because you got really deep into it?
01:25:46.000 Um...
01:25:48.000 Just because you have a bigger audience, more people are going to hear it.
01:25:52.000 That's why.
01:25:53.000 But you're not alone.
01:25:54.000 And I think there's probably a lot of women that are listening to this right now that go, yes! 1.00
01:25:58.000 Same!
01:25:59.000 Yeah.
01:25:59.000 Same.
01:25:59.000 I just tend to, with my addictions, I tend to go from...
01:26:03.000 They get bad quickly.
01:26:06.000 Like, they...
01:26:07.000 So they start off mild?
01:26:08.000 Yeah, these are all progressive things.
01:26:11.000 Eventually, you'll get there with porn if you watch it long enough.
01:26:15.000 It might take someone else thousands of years to get where I got in a shorter amount of time.
01:26:20.000 But it all is leading to...
01:26:22.000 I mean, it gets gross.
01:26:23.000 That's why these things exist.
01:26:25.000 You don't start off liking...
01:26:27.000 Like a woman with a boot on her head like that's not something that like you go to you just slide there eventually. 1.00
01:26:34.000 Well, that's the thing about porn in general if you go back and you watch old porn Old porn was just people on dates It was!
01:26:44.000 If you go back and watch porn from the 80s, it's basically two people are hanging out and the one's like, God, I'm just so tense.
01:26:53.000 I've got such a headache. 0.84
01:26:55.000 And the guy's like, hey, let me rub your neck.
01:26:56.000 And rubbing the neck.
01:26:58.000 And it's like, oh, that feels so good.
01:27:00.000 I'm so hot.
01:27:01.000 I need to take my shirt off.
01:27:02.000 And they take their shirt off and then they start making out and then...
01:27:07.000 That would do nothing for me now.
01:27:10.000 But that's what it is. 0.79
01:27:11.000 It's basically just people having sex.
01:27:14.000 Normal people in normal situations.
01:27:17.000 And then there's something about where people need to escalate.
01:27:22.000 Everything has to like, okay, I've seen that.
01:27:25.000 Now I need to see more.
01:27:26.000 And that's what points to the fact that it's an addiction.
01:27:32.000 I've never been into anything other than just sex.
01:27:36.000 That's so good.
01:27:37.000 Luckily. 1.00
01:27:38.000 The only porn that I've ever watched is just girls with big asses. 1.00
01:27:42.000 Just sexy girls. 1.00
01:27:44.000 That's as fetishy as you get.
01:27:49.000 I've never been into any of that.
01:27:52.000 No choking, nothing.
01:27:54.000 It gets so weird, Joe.
01:27:55.000 It is weird.
01:27:56.000 There's so much weird stuff out there.
01:27:58.000 But I'm not into choking in real life either.
01:28:01.000 Never been into that anyway.
01:28:03.000 Yeah, I don't know why guys are into it.
01:28:05.000 I don't know that I'd want a guy to want to do that to me.
01:28:11.000 It's dangerous.
01:28:12.000 Yeah, yeah, but...
01:28:13.000 Because if you escalate, so think about the escalation in porn.
01:28:17.000 Well, what if a guy is into choking girls and then he gets bored with just regular choking. 1.00
01:28:21.000 I know.
01:28:21.000 It's like, I want to use a rope.
01:28:22.000 Like, I promise I'm not going to hurt you.
01:28:24.000 I'm just going to use a rope.
01:28:25.000 Now, what if it's just like a wire?
01:28:27.000 Yeah.
01:28:28.000 Like, I'm not going to, it's just make a little mark on you. 0.60
01:28:30.000 Okay, what if I blindfold, what if I hit you?
01:28:32.000 Like, and then things get weird. 0.97
01:28:34.000 What if I... By murder.
01:28:36.000 Yeah, and then it leads...
01:28:37.000 I mean, I was watching that Golden State Killer documentary, and that's what that guy did.
01:28:40.000 He started just doing break-ins, and then that wasn't really itching it, the scratch, or scratching the itch anymore.
01:28:46.000 Then he moved on to rapes, and that was doing good for a while, and then slowly he started murdering.
01:28:52.000 Like, it didn't just start out murder.
01:28:53.000 You saw his progression.
01:28:55.000 It's like, yeah, this stuff can get really scary.
01:28:57.000 I mean, I like being...
01:28:59.000 I think being choked is nice because...
01:29:01.000 I mean, you were talking about it with David Blaine yesterday, like...
01:29:03.000 It feels good to like lose consciousness and like come out of it and be pushed to that brink of like there's something euphoric about it.
01:29:13.000 Yeah, I think there's the euphoric thing about getting choked out is like as the brain like rushes back to consciousness.
01:29:19.000 Yeah.
01:29:22.000 Yeah.
01:29:38.000 They were talking about Parkinson's drugs.
01:29:40.000 This is really interesting.
01:29:42.000 Because Parkinson's medication, apparently what it does is it spikes dopamine.
01:29:47.000 And it also has a lot of really weird side effects.
01:29:51.000 People get addicted to gambling.
01:29:53.000 They give away all their stuff.
01:29:56.000 There's a drug called Re-Equip and GlaxoSmithKline wound up paying this guy somewhere in the equivalent of like $600,000 because he was a straight heterosexual man with no problems with gambling and he had Parkinson's. 0.98
01:30:13.000 And he got on this re-equipped drug and he became a gay sex and gambling addict. 1.00
01:30:18.000 And he started having risky gay sex. 1.00
01:30:21.000 Like really risky. 1.00
01:30:22.000 Like he would contact people on Craigslist and meet in alleys and shit. 0.98
01:30:26.000 And he was just gambling all his money away. 0.98
01:30:28.000 But so much so that he won in court.
01:30:32.000 Suing them.
01:30:33.000 See if you can Google this story.
01:30:35.000 It's re-equip.
01:30:37.000 And the man, I believe he's from Ireland.
01:30:41.000 And he won in court.
01:30:43.000 Because he wasn't a gay man. 0.99
01:30:45.000 He was a straight man.
01:30:46.000 Right.
01:30:49.000 I mean, I never even thought about it before. 1.00
01:30:52.000 And then he became a gay sex and gambling addict. 1.00
01:30:55.000 I had him in my act for a while. 1.00
01:30:57.000 Right.
01:30:58.000 I had the story in my act for a while.
01:31:00.000 Because apparently he would snap out of it in the middle of doing stuff.
01:31:05.000 Oh, yeah. 0.98
01:31:06.000 Parkinson's patient wins lawsuit over gay sex addiction. 0.94
01:31:10.000 A French man, who also is French. 0.98
01:31:13.000 See, I don't trust French people. 1.00
01:31:15.000 Look at his name.
01:31:16.000 Didier.
01:31:17.000 That's too close to diddler.
01:31:18.000 Didier Jambard, 52, of Nantes, France, sued the pharmaceutical giant GlaxoSmithKline in 2011, claiming the drug re-equip caused him to lose 82,000 euros gambling on the internet. 0.97
01:31:32.000 He said he also became addicted to gay sex and risky sexual encounters.
01:31:36.000 He said he was raped after starting the drug in 2003 and attempted suicide eight times. 0.99
01:31:41.000 Good lord.
01:31:42.000 It's a great day, Jean Ber, who was accompanied by his wife during the emotional ruling, told the French press agency.
01:31:49.000 It's been a seven-year battle with our limited means for recognition of the fact that GlaxoSmithKline lied to us and shattered our lives.
01:31:57.000 Parkinson's disease destroys neurons deep within the brain that releases the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine.
01:32:03.000 Re-equip belongs to a class of drugs called dopamine antagonists, or agonists.
01:32:09.000 That relieve Parkinson's symptoms such as shaking, stiffness, slowness, and trouble balancing by activating dopamine receptors.
01:32:16.000 But the drugs have side effects that, while rare, can be serious.
01:32:21.000 Yeah.
01:32:22.000 But it's a weird thing.
01:32:23.000 It's like, even if you have the urge to do it, you are not in control of your own actions when you just go out and- I gotta take ReQuip.
01:32:30.000 Finally give me some permission to do some stuff that I've always wanted to do.
01:32:37.000 I wonder if it works on people who don't have Parkinson's.
01:32:42.000 What does it do to people who don't have Parkinson's?
01:32:45.000 I mean, that's terrifying.
01:32:47.000 I would always hear that in the side effects of drugs, like if you are suddenly gambling out of nowhere, and you're like, what is that?
01:32:55.000 This is a drug for heartburn.
01:32:57.000 And if I'm going to start gambling out of nowhere, but it's totally it's scary.
01:33:02.000 These drugs, I mean that I'm trying to get on a new antidepressant because I'm just been so just I'm tired of having these low lows that just don't aren't necessary and are just scary sometimes because the things I think.
01:33:16.000 And the things I... I just have these thoughts that come in that can't stop and they just can't work.
01:33:21.000 I can't be funny when I'm depressed.
01:33:23.000 So I got to get back on something.
01:33:24.000 But I'm so scared of all these weird side effects and the things that it might make me do.
01:33:30.000 Rightly so.
01:33:31.000 And so, I mean...
01:33:32.000 How long have you been on antidepressants?
01:33:34.000 I mean, I was on them for years and years.
01:33:36.000 Ever since I was like, I got anorexic when I was like 18. And then I was so depressed from that because it just like starts eating your brain that I got on stuff.
01:33:46.000 And then ever since then, I've been I've struggled with depression.
01:33:48.000 I think even before then, I was a really depressed kid.
01:33:51.000 I look at pictures and I'm just like staring despondently into a corner, like on holidays.
01:33:56.000 I'm like, oh, I was just depressed.
01:33:57.000 And so Now I'm looking into maybe having ADHD because it's often misdiagnosed in women because women don't really have the hyperactivity part of it and it just makes us kind of depressed and have low self-esteem and messy and all the things that I am.
01:34:14.000 Do you worry though about like messing with your brain chemistry with these drugs that like maybe they don't have the right stuff that they're giving you and it might be causing other problems or exacerbating the current ones?
01:34:27.000 No, because I've been off them for a while now.
01:34:30.000 How long have you been off them?
01:34:32.000 For a couple months.
01:34:33.000 So you're not on anything right now?
01:34:34.000 And I've gone through years of not being on stuff.
01:34:36.000 Are you exercising?
01:34:38.000 Yeah, every day.
01:34:39.000 What do you do?
01:34:39.000 I run four miles a day.
01:34:41.000 Oh, okay.
01:34:41.000 So you're getting a lot of exercise.
01:34:42.000 Yeah, I do.
01:34:43.000 I try to exercise a lot. 0.99
01:34:45.000 But it's still fucking with you? 0.99
01:34:46.000 And I eat healthy. 1.00
01:34:47.000 Yeah, man. 0.96
01:34:48.000 I just get, all of a sudden, I just get these fucking thoughts that come in and then I'm depressed for like four days so badly that I just, I could file for disability as a comedian because I cannot be funny. 0.99
01:35:00.000 My brain doesn't work. 0.98
01:35:02.000 You can file for disability?
01:35:03.000 I should be able to.
01:35:05.000 Yeah, I guess.
01:35:05.000 Because I can't do the thing that I... I mean, I feel disabled.
01:35:09.000 I feel like that's when I start thinking, okay, I got to find a new job.
01:35:12.000 I can't do this.
01:35:13.000 I can't be broadcasting every day.
01:35:15.000 I have nothing interesting to say.
01:35:16.000 That's not true at all.
01:35:18.000 Everything you said today has been very interesting.
01:35:21.000 Thank you.
01:35:21.000 Well, I'm not in a bad place today.
01:35:23.000 I'm actually out of it.
01:35:24.000 I don't know.
01:35:25.000 It just comes on like four days out of the month.
01:35:27.000 When did you start?
01:35:27.000 Did you wake up?
01:35:28.000 You felt like I'm in a good place?
01:35:29.000 Oh, today?
01:35:30.000 No, I've been in a good place since Saturday.
01:35:32.000 I woke up on Saturday and I snapped out of it.
01:35:34.000 But, you know, when I sent out that tweet, the tweet that led to me even being here was because I was just suffering for like four or five days with like really bad depression where, you know, I called Gary Goleman.
01:35:48.000 Do you know what he went through?
01:35:49.000 Yeah, he's been through serious, serious depression.
01:35:52.000 I had a text drafted to Neil Brennan.
01:35:54.000 I wanted to talk to other guys that have had to go places.
01:36:00.000 Neil actually did ketamine therapy.
01:36:02.000 I know, yeah.
01:36:03.000 He told me it was wild.
01:36:25.000 It's wild.
01:36:26.000 Ketamine apparently has a big effect on people that are depressed.
01:36:32.000 And some people are taking it in like a spray, like a mist.
01:36:36.000 I don't know if it's nasal spray.
01:36:38.000 Yeah.
01:36:38.000 Or just like a body splash?
01:36:40.000 Fucking Whitney has something like that. 0.99
01:36:41.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:36:42.000 I mean, it's just...
01:36:44.000 I don't think it's a body splash.
01:36:46.000 You just spray it in front of you and walk through it like a perfume?
01:36:49.000 It's either in your nose or your mouth.
01:36:50.000 It's like a ketamine mist.
01:36:52.000 Like a very low dose of ketamine.
01:36:54.000 Like a micro dose of ketamine.
01:36:55.000 Well, I'm going to talk to him about it too, but it's so funny because when I'm in it, I'm so in it, and then when I'm out of it, I just forget that it can get that bad, and I don't even think about it.
01:37:05.000 I forget that it can get so bad.
01:37:06.000 And there's no triggers that are making it bad or good?
01:37:10.000 You know, right now, things are really not...
01:37:12.000 are very uncertain.
01:37:13.000 My career's going great by all...
01:37:17.000 Yeah, by all indications, I should not be depressed.
01:37:20.000 I have a loving family, I have my health.
01:37:24.000 But you say your career's going great, but everyone's career hit a wall.
01:37:28.000 All of us that are comics, we hit a wall.
01:37:30.000 And Mark, the only one who's touring regularly is Bert, and he's depressed right now.
01:37:34.000 He's fucking told me he just did 19 shows or 15 shows in nine days. 0.98
01:37:39.000 He goes, I'm fucking exhausted. 0.99
01:37:40.000 I gotta stop. 0.81
01:37:41.000 And he goes, and his agency's trying to push him to organize a summer tour or a fall tour now.
01:37:46.000 I think that Bert is a lot like me, that if he does stop and stops working, it will be so much worse than it was.
01:37:54.000 Well, he'll freak out, and he loves to drink, too.
01:37:58.000 Bert's got a lot of different things that he's sort of...
01:38:01.000 And kind of whatever is going on in his head that he's trying to squash, he does it with a lot of different things.
01:38:09.000 Whether he works a lot or he just, I mean, he tours and he tours.
01:38:12.000 He tours.
01:38:13.000 Burt will tour in a bus and hit a different place every night.
01:38:17.000 And then it used to be that he would invite people to go out and drink with him.
01:38:21.000 Yeah.
01:38:22.000 He has this expectation to fulfill as the party animal.
01:38:25.000 And so he is always, I mean, I feel for him always having to be on and be that guy and be shirtless and be down to party.
01:38:34.000 Well, he was doing a special and they were handing him shots and he was like, I can't do shots.
01:38:38.000 I'm doing my special.
01:38:39.000 Right. 1.00
01:38:40.000 And they're like, fuck you! 1.00
01:38:41.000 Drink! 1.00
01:38:42.000 And he's like, you're ruining my special.
01:38:45.000 I'm filming a special here. 1.00
01:38:46.000 This is for fucking Netflix, you idiots. 1.00
01:38:48.000 What are you doing? 1.00
01:38:49.000 He was mad. 1.00
01:38:50.000 But there's part of me that goes, maybe he should be fucked up. 1.00
01:38:53.000 If he's done all of the preparation for this, he's been fucked up. 0.99
01:38:58.000 Why the night you tape your special, would you do things differently? 0.94
01:39:01.000 Yeah, I don't do anything differently when I take specials.
01:39:04.000 Do you get depressed?
01:39:07.000 No.
01:39:07.000 You never felt that?
01:39:09.000 I mean, maybe like very low-level depression.
01:39:11.000 Yeah, that's great.
01:39:13.000 But I work out like a terrorist.
01:39:15.000 I know.
01:39:16.000 And what is that about?
01:39:18.000 I think I'm very primitive.
01:39:20.000 I think my brain, like my genetics, I think I come from a long line of savages.
01:39:27.000 And I think the only way I feel good, really feel good, is to do very violent things.
01:39:33.000 Yeah, yeah, push yourself. 0.97
01:39:35.000 I need to, I run hills, I beat the fuck out of a heavy bag, I throw kettlebells around.
01:39:40.000 But do you enjoy it in the middle of it? 0.90
01:39:42.000 You're actually loving pushing yourself.
01:39:45.000 Love it.
01:39:46.000 How much do you love it when you're done?
01:39:48.000 Isn't that the best feeling?
01:39:50.000 I enjoy it while I'm doing it, but I get to a place where I don't enjoy it.
01:39:54.000 I have to hit that place.
01:39:56.000 You have to push yourself down.
01:39:57.000 I don't work out to where, oh, it feels pretty good.
01:40:02.000 There's none of that.
01:40:03.000 I want to see you walking a mall someday.
01:40:06.000 Doing a gentle mall With tiny little weight hand weights.
01:40:13.000 I walk with my dog.
01:40:14.000 We do hills.
01:40:15.000 I put a weight vest on.
01:40:17.000 Of course you do!
01:40:18.000 I have a thing called an Atlas Trainer.
01:40:21.000 It's a backpack that I put Olympic weights on the back of it.
01:40:25.000 You know how you have a plate, a barbell?
01:40:27.000 Yeah.
01:40:28.000 So, like, the dumbbell plates go over it, and then I screw in this collar, and I have, like, an Olympic plate on my back.
01:40:36.000 And so I do a hike with those on with the dog.
01:40:40.000 And do you take days off, though?
01:40:43.000 Yeah, I take days off, yeah, to recover.
01:40:45.000 Yeah.
01:40:46.000 I don't need...
01:40:46.000 Is that hard to do?
01:40:48.000 No, no.
01:40:48.000 I don't think I'm addicted to exercise.
01:40:51.000 No, you seem to have a healthy...
01:40:53.000 But I'm careful.
01:40:54.000 Lifestyle with everything.
01:40:55.000 I can get addicted to everything.
01:40:56.000 Okay, you can?
01:40:57.000 Oh yeah.
01:40:58.000 I had a real problem with video games in the past.
01:41:00.000 Oh! 0.60
01:41:01.000 Like eight hours a day.
01:41:02.000 Like even more.
01:41:03.000 How interesting and irresistible is it that people who make those video games don't even let themselves play them?
01:41:08.000 Oh yeah.
01:41:08.000 How about that World of Warcraft story?
01:41:10.000 Jesus Christ.
01:41:10.000 How about the one kid who was a football player who lost his – basically his life fell apart, fell out of school, everything just – it can happen.
01:41:18.000 So you used to be that way?
01:41:20.000 Yeah. 0.87
01:41:20.000 We fucking set up a local area network in the back and we have all these computers back there that we set up and I had to stop playing them. 0.87
01:41:27.000 Because we would be in here and I would be playing five, six hours a day after podcasts. 0.97
01:41:31.000 Right.
01:41:31.000 And it was like for months.
01:41:33.000 And I'm like, stop!
01:41:34.000 And I had to get out of here.
01:41:35.000 I'd be sweaty. 0.98
01:41:36.000 My adrenaline would be all fucked up. 0.80
01:41:38.000 Oh, so recently you've dealt with... 0.58
01:41:39.000 Was it like a year and a half ago?
01:41:41.000 Yeah, maybe two years ago.
01:41:43.000 What about drinking for you?
01:41:44.000 What about drugging?
01:41:46.000 No, no.
01:41:48.000 Never compulsive.
01:41:50.000 The problem with drinking is it always has a negative physical effect.
01:41:55.000 Yes. 0.99
01:41:56.000 So I'm not into things that fuck with my body. 0.98
01:41:58.000 So when I do something negative, then it fucks with my real addiction, which is the exercise addiction. 0.97
01:42:04.000 So if I have an addiction at all, physical addiction, it's an exercise addiction.
01:42:09.000 But it's not an addiction like, I have to do it, if I don't do it, I freak out.
01:42:12.000 It's like if I don't do it, I don't feel good.
01:42:14.000 Yes.
01:42:15.000 Like, I like to be calm.
01:42:16.000 I like to feel good.
01:42:18.000 I like to be friendly.
01:42:19.000 I like to feel, like, even.
01:42:21.000 I don't feel even if I don't work out.
01:42:24.000 If I don't work out for four or five days, I just feel, like, real tense and, like, short trigger, like, short fuse.
01:42:32.000 What's something that sets you off when, like, your wife can sense it, your kids can sense it, if you haven't worked out?
01:42:38.000 Like, what's something that you'll...
01:42:39.000 I don't let myself get to that.
01:42:41.000 Oh, that's good.
01:42:41.000 Yeah, I don't let myself get to that.
01:42:43.000 How do you stop yourself?
01:42:45.000 Meditation?
01:42:46.000 Yeah, I definitely do a lot of meditation.
01:42:48.000 Meditation, flow tank, sauna.
01:42:50.000 I do a lot of breathing exercises in the sauna.
01:42:53.000 I do a lot of that.
01:42:54.000 But I just know me.
01:42:55.000 I know me.
01:42:56.000 And I don't like me when I don't work out.
01:42:58.000 I don't like that guy.
01:42:59.000 Yeah, I don't like me if I don't meditate, and I don't let myself get away with not doing that.
01:43:05.000 Since the time I've been a young boy, I've been doing savage things.
01:43:11.000 My whole life I've been in martial arts, so my body's just like, what are we hitting today?
01:43:17.000 Like, come on, what are we choking?
01:43:19.000 Come on, we gotta go!
01:43:20.000 And if I don't do that, my body's like, any day now, we're going to war. 0.99
01:43:26.000 Like, shit is about to happen. 0.99
01:43:27.000 It's going down. 1.00
01:43:28.000 So your body starts getting...
01:43:29.000 And it's like a battery.
01:43:30.000 Like, you're storing up all this energy.
01:43:32.000 And if you don't release it, it's like it's overflowing.
01:43:35.000 It's coming off the top.
01:43:37.000 And so I exercise just to maintain homeostasis.
01:43:42.000 To maintain balance.
01:43:45.000 Just to have clarity.
01:43:48.000 Yeah, you're just the best version of yourself if you're pushing yourself.
01:43:52.000 100%.
01:43:53.000 I am the nicest person I can be when I exercise a lot.
01:43:58.000 Now, what if you go through a time where you don't get a lot of exercise in and you just can't fit in your schedule?
01:44:02.000 Why wouldn't I just exercise?
01:44:03.000 I don't know.
01:44:03.000 What does that mean?
01:44:04.000 Fit into my schedule?
01:44:05.000 What does that mean?
01:44:06.000 You figure out a way.
01:44:07.000 You wake up earlier.
01:44:07.000 That is the schedule.
01:44:09.000 What, do I forget to eat?
01:44:11.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:44:12.000 Do I forget to eat?
01:44:12.000 No, no, no.
01:44:13.000 Do I forget to sleep?
01:44:14.000 I don't forget to sleep. 0.99
01:44:15.000 So why the fuck would I forget to exercise? 0.98
01:44:17.000 Yeah, it's just an excuse. 0.99
01:44:18.000 I don't think I've ever gone more than a week in my life without exercising.
01:44:20.000 Yeah.
01:44:21.000 I mean, doing something.
01:44:22.000 I have to.
01:44:23.000 Unless I've been injured.
01:44:24.000 Unless I have a bad injury, like a surgery or something like that.
01:44:27.000 What about stand-up addiction?
01:44:29.000 I think I definitely have a stand-up addiction.
01:44:33.000 I feel like if I have any depression at all, it's this low-level lull from not doing stand-up for all these months.
01:44:43.000 It's a lull.
01:44:44.000 And then I realized it when I did the improv in Houston.
01:44:48.000 Yeah.
01:44:48.000 And it was like, oh my God, we're back.
01:44:51.000 And I said, like, fuck it, dude. 0.99
01:44:53.000 I went with Brian Moses and Tony Hinchcliffe, and we were like, dude, let's fucking just keep doing this. 1.00
01:44:58.000 Let's just keep traveling around the country, any place that wants to have us.
01:45:00.000 And then I started thinking, I got really high, and I started thinking, what if I gave it to somebody?
01:45:05.000 What if I got it and I gave it to somebody?
01:45:06.000 And then I'm like, I can't do that.
01:45:07.000 That was the thing that I feared.
01:45:09.000 What I feared the most is giving it to somebody.
01:45:12.000 Or giving it to a guest that gets really sick.
01:45:15.000 I know.
01:45:15.000 That's the fear.
01:45:17.000 That's why outdoor shows only.
01:45:18.000 Some people that are getting it, it fucks them up for months.
01:45:21.000 I know.
01:45:22.000 People don't ever recover.
01:45:24.000 People still haven't recovered that got it back in March.
01:45:26.000 Right.
01:45:26.000 They still have fatigue.
01:45:27.000 They can't get out of bed.
01:45:29.000 Yeah.
01:45:29.000 Their hair's falling out.
01:45:31.000 I mean, these side effects, they could last, who knows, forever.
01:45:35.000 It's really scary. 1.00
01:45:36.000 It's a weird fucking disease. 0.99
01:45:38.000 It's a weird disease that doesn't really make sense, because it's not like any other disease. 1.00
01:45:42.000 Everybody who gets the flu, it's real similar.
01:45:46.000 It's not like one person gets the flu and it's nothing, where another person gets the flu and they can't smell anything for six months.
01:45:53.000 People are losing their sense of smell.
01:45:55.000 I know.
01:45:56.000 They lose their sense of taste for months.
01:45:58.000 Michael Yeo got it real bad where he was hospitalized.
01:46:01.000 Oh, I didn't know that.
01:46:03.000 He's still suffering from fatigue two months later.
01:46:07.000 He would get tired walking up a flight of stairs. 0.89
01:46:09.000 So you get lung scarring and all kinds of weird shit happens. 0.74
01:46:13.000 Yeah.
01:46:13.000 Okay.
01:46:14.000 And you're not scared of getting it?
01:46:15.000 No. 1.00
01:46:17.000 But what about all that shit? 1.00
01:46:18.000 You're just scared of giving that to someone. 1.00
01:46:20.000 Yeah.
01:46:20.000 You just feel like your body's gonna be okay.
01:46:22.000 Yeah.
01:46:23.000 Yeah, I'll be okay.
01:46:24.000 Do you get the flow?
01:46:25.000 Yeah, but barely.
01:46:27.000 Yeah.
01:46:28.000 I do so much, though.
01:46:30.000 I do, like, IV vitamin drips all the time, and I'm on all these vitamins and constantly working out.
01:46:36.000 I mean, I can get sick, but I don't get sick much.
01:46:38.000 And when I get sick, it goes by pretty quick.
01:46:41.000 Yeah, me too.
01:46:42.000 But I'm...
01:46:44.000 I'm keeping my body healthy.
01:46:46.000 I eat elk meat and all this healthy food, and it's like your body...
01:46:52.000 If your body's in tune and your body's healthy and your immune system is strong, that's the whole point of having a strong immune system.
01:47:00.000 It's supposed to be able to fight things off.
01:47:02.000 And I haven't gotten like a real cold in years because I take care of myself and I do a good job.
01:47:09.000 But if I was working on a television show and I was not getting good sleep or I was traveling a lot and I was not getting good sleep and that's when it can hit you.
01:47:18.000 And that's what hit Michael Yeo.
01:47:19.000 Yeah, he was just overworking.
01:47:40.000 With his family, kids in the car, screaming, yelling, and then he hangs out with his wife's family in Vegas and then flies back the same day.
01:47:48.000 So two in front, which is four hours there, four hours back, then auditions the next day and auditions the day after that.
01:47:54.000 So he's practicing for auditions, getting ready, stressed out, then it hits him.
01:47:58.000 Boom! 0.99
01:47:59.000 Hits him hard.
01:47:59.000 Oh, yeah.
01:48:00.000 I mean, that used to be the way I lived my life, too.
01:48:03.000 Meanwhile, he gave it to his mom.
01:48:05.000 His mom kicked it in a day. 0.87
01:48:06.000 Oh, really?
01:48:07.000 One day, yeah.
01:48:08.000 Because she wasn't sick.
01:48:09.000 She wasn't worn out.
01:48:10.000 So her immune system did its job.
01:48:12.000 What about you in sleep?
01:48:13.000 What's your...
01:48:14.000 I sleep.
01:48:15.000 You're good at it.
01:48:15.000 I sleep.
01:48:16.000 You never had to take anything?
01:48:18.000 No.
01:48:18.000 What do you do?
01:48:19.000 What's your kind of routine to wind down?
01:48:21.000 I lay down.
01:48:23.000 Do you keep the phone out of your bed and like...
01:48:25.000 Yeah, I don't.
01:48:25.000 I mean, occasionally I'll have the phone by the bed.
01:48:28.000 I'll look at it right before I go to bed, but I just conk out.
01:48:30.000 Are you monitoring your screen time after reading this book?
01:48:33.000 Yes.
01:48:34.000 Well, I was monitoring my screen time already.
01:48:36.000 Can you get sucked into Instagram?
01:48:38.000 I mean, what's your app that you just get?
01:48:40.000 No, YouTube.
01:48:41.000 I like watching videos.
01:48:42.000 Yeah.
01:48:43.000 It's distracting.
01:48:44.000 Yeah.
01:48:44.000 I just get bored.
01:48:45.000 Is that what you do when you work out?
01:48:48.000 What, YouTube?
01:48:48.000 Yeah, like when you're on a treadmill or something, what are you doing?
01:48:51.000 Are you just in the moment trying music?
01:48:53.000 Maybe I'll watch fights.
01:48:55.000 If I'm watching something, I'll watch fights.
01:48:57.000 Or I listen to a book and I work out.
01:49:00.000 But most of I was wondering, picturing you reading a book, do you just sit in a chair and flip through a book?
01:49:07.000 How does Joe Rogan read a book?
01:49:09.000 Most of the reading I do is audiobooks.
01:49:11.000 Most of it is me not reading.
01:49:14.000 Reading is scientific articles.
01:49:16.000 I read things that you can't get in audiobooks.
01:49:20.000 But most of the information that I get from books is either driving or in a sauna.
01:49:27.000 I like listening in a sauna.
01:49:28.000 I put AirPods on.
01:49:29.000 You can use AirPods in a sauna, even at 180 degrees.
01:49:33.000 Jesus!
01:49:33.000 They don't conk out.
01:49:34.000 How long are you in there?
01:49:35.000 30 minutes.
01:49:36.000 Okay.
01:49:37.000 But that's another thing.
01:49:38.000 It's like I keep escalating that. 0.99
01:49:39.000 It used to be 20 minutes, and now I moved it like, oh, don't be a pussy, make it 25 minutes. 1.00
01:49:44.000 And then it's like 30, and I'm not satisfied with 30, so now it has to be 31. Yeah, so you understand my porn thing. 0.99
01:49:49.000 Oh, yeah. 0.89
01:49:50.000 Oh, yeah.
01:49:51.000 I just don't have the porn thing that way.
01:49:53.000 My porn is like, if I watch porn, it's normal. 1.00
01:49:55.000 It's people that are horny, they fuck. 0.99
01:49:57.000 Or it's like, oh, we probably shouldn't be doing this. 1.00
01:50:01.000 You know, like that kind of porn. 0.72
01:50:02.000 Right. 0.81
01:50:02.000 You know, like... 0.81
01:50:03.000 Stuff like that, but nothing crazy.
01:50:05.000 Okay.
01:50:06.000 Yeah, but I get it.
01:50:08.000 Like, I get all of it.
01:50:10.000 Like, the video game thing, I get more than anything, because I've had, like, real issues with video games.
01:50:14.000 Well, that's nice to hear that even recently you've struggled with that, because you seem to be someone who doesn't have to deal with it.
01:50:20.000 But it's all because I'm calculated about it.
01:50:23.000 That's all it is.
01:50:24.000 And as soon as you see it starting to affect your well-being, you quit it.
01:50:30.000 You can't...
01:50:31.000 Quit.
01:50:31.000 And then we played again.
01:50:33.000 When we had the guys who make Doom, we had them come in here and we played for a day.
01:50:36.000 And even that day, I was like, I got out of here all shaky.
01:50:39.000 I was like, I can't do that again.
01:50:40.000 I don't do that again.
01:50:42.000 Do you feel like you're white-knuckling it? 0.94
01:50:44.000 Do you feel like, God damn it, I'm missing out. 0.86
01:50:46.000 But you have just amazing discipline. 0.97
01:50:48.000 Well, the video games are so addictive because they're so immersive.
01:50:52.000 And the one we're playing is Quake Champions.
01:50:53.000 So you put these headphones on, like if Jamie was playing with me, if he was over here, I could hear him over here.
01:50:58.000 I could hear him walking.
01:50:59.000 And the graphics are so incredible.
01:51:01.000 And it's a three-dimensional game, right?
01:51:03.000 So you're running down these hallways, and people are shooting rockets at you, and you're jumping up off these things, and you're running through the water, and people are chasing you.
01:51:10.000 That's so fun!
01:51:12.000 It's exciting!
01:51:12.000 That's as good as going on a hike.
01:51:14.000 No.
01:51:17.000 Why?
01:51:17.000 Because, first of all, because you could do it all day.
01:51:21.000 No vitamin D. No vitamin D. You're doing it all day, right?
01:51:25.000 Yeah, it doesn't stop.
01:51:26.000 You could play for hours and hours and hours, and you get exhausted afterwards, and it becomes a compulsion.
01:51:30.000 Like, you leave here, you're driving, you're thinking about, oh, he shouldn't have shot me then.
01:51:33.000 Yes. 0.99
01:51:34.000 I should have got him, and that time I fucked up. 0.99
01:51:36.000 I shouldn't have gone into the lava. 0.99
01:51:37.000 I should have gone that way.
01:51:38.000 You have all these crazy thoughts in your head about the game, and it's like...
01:51:42.000 They're really fun.
01:51:44.000 That's the problem.
01:51:45.000 They're really good.
01:51:47.000 But, for me at least, they waste too much time and I get too sucked in and then it becomes unhealthy.
01:51:53.000 Right.
01:51:54.000 Because it becomes an addiction.
01:51:55.000 Like, you can only exercise so much.
01:51:57.000 You know?
01:51:58.000 Especially like the way I'm doing it.
01:52:00.000 Yeah, tell us how much that is because you definitely hit...
01:52:02.000 An hour and a half a day.
01:52:04.000 Yeah, that's it.
01:52:05.000 That's it.
01:52:05.000 No more than that.
01:52:06.000 These people that are at the gym for four hours at a time, I'm sorry, that's an addiction.
01:52:10.000 Maybe.
01:52:11.000 Unless you're training for something.
01:52:13.000 How are you doing it?
01:52:14.000 You can't hit the bag for four hours.
01:52:17.000 Right.
01:52:17.000 I guess people are kind of like moseying about.
01:52:19.000 I'm doing like, I do rounds.
01:52:21.000 So I'll set the timer for three minutes.
01:52:23.000 It's like a timer.
01:52:24.000 It's like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
01:52:25.000 It goes off and it lets you know every 30 seconds.
01:52:28.000 So I have this ringside timer and it's as an interval timer.
01:52:31.000 So every 30 seconds it gives you a bing.
01:52:34.000 It gives you a bing.
01:52:35.000 Like a curves gem.
01:52:36.000 Right, sort of.
01:52:37.000 So in 30 seconds, you know you're sprinting for 30 seconds, and then you're doing it at a slower pace for the next 30 seconds, and then you're sprinting again, and there's a red light, and then there's a yellow light.
01:52:50.000 And a red light is when it's time to stop, the yellow light is when you calm, and then a blue light is go.
01:52:56.000 So it has these three lights.
01:52:58.000 So go means sprint, yellow means coast, red means stop.
01:53:02.000 And so it's like this interval thing.
01:53:03.000 Very regimented, you know exactly when you're done, So when I'm doing, especially rounds in the bag, you can only do it so much because your body breaks down.
01:53:12.000 Because during the blue time, it's just chaos.
01:53:16.000 It's 30 seconds of just assault.
01:53:18.000 You can't keep that up.
01:53:20.000 It's just too crazy.
01:53:22.000 It's just...
01:53:22.000 And then when it's over, and then the next 30 seconds, it's calmer.
01:53:27.000 It's like you're just sort of getting your heart rate down and just going through the techniques and moving.
01:53:32.000 And then the blue light comes on again.
01:53:34.000 And it's like...
01:53:36.000 So you can only do it for so long.
01:53:39.000 But when it's over, I'm like, Ah, chirp, chirp, chirp, birds, and love, and everybody's my friend.
01:53:45.000 Yeah, I feel good that way after a hard workout, too.
01:53:48.000 I mean, you need it.
01:53:50.000 You get the endorphin rush, but you also, you beat the demons down.
01:53:55.000 That's the thing, is all the aggression just goes out of me.
01:53:58.000 Like, all the pent-up stress.
01:54:00.000 And I just think that my body's conditioned to do this.
01:54:03.000 It's been doing it for so long that if I don't do it, it just like goes, when is it coming?
01:54:07.000 When's it coming?
01:54:08.000 Yeah.
01:54:08.000 When's the war?
01:54:09.000 When's the chaos?
01:54:11.000 When's it coming?
01:54:12.000 Do you cry ever?
01:54:16.000 I cry for happy things most of the time.
01:54:19.000 I cry when I'm happy for people.
01:54:20.000 But I cry if I think about people that I miss and stuff like that.
01:54:26.000 I definitely cry.
01:54:28.000 I cry a lot for things that make me happy.
01:54:33.000 Really?
01:54:34.000 That's cute.
01:54:35.000 I cry for people.
01:54:36.000 I cry when I'm happy for people.
01:54:39.000 But yeah, I cry.
01:54:40.000 I feel that.
01:54:41.000 I'm not scared of emotions.
01:54:44.000 That's nice.
01:54:45.000 I'm scared of weakness.
01:54:48.000 I don't like weakness, but I don't think crying is weakness.
01:54:51.000 I think it's weak to not want to cry.
01:54:54.000 It's weak to not want to embrace the full spectrum of life.
01:55:00.000 You know, life is filled with beautiful things and amazing things, and it's also filled with horrible things.
01:55:05.000 Like, they're all there.
01:55:07.000 And to deny that, I think, is to deny reality, and that is to be delusional.
01:55:12.000 I'm afraid of being delusional more than I'm afraid of crying.
01:55:15.000 I think it's really important that you just said that you cry and you think it's important.
01:55:19.000 Because I think so many people that listen to you do not...
01:55:22.000 So many men don't cry, Joe.
01:55:24.000 You know that.
01:55:25.000 They do, I think.
01:55:26.000 They just don't want people to know.
01:55:28.000 Well, maybe they don't, but I just don't think they'll allow themselves to.
01:55:31.000 And I put myself in that category.
01:55:33.000 Like, it's really hard for me to cry.
01:55:35.000 Like, I have to be talking to someone about my—I have to have it kind of mirrored back to me, my emotions, so that I have license to cry.
01:55:43.000 But it's not something that comes naturally to people, but I think it's important to do.
01:55:48.000 I cried on the podcast just real recently.
01:55:51.000 Really?
01:55:51.000 Yeah, there was a guy on, Josh Dubin, he's a lawyer, and they were talking about the Innocence Project.
01:55:57.000 He works with the Innocence Project, and they got this poor man who is an immigrant.
01:56:03.000 I believe he's from Guatemala who was unjustly accused of murder and they got him out and they were just going through the whole story about how the prosecutors were trying to keep him in jail even though he knew he was innocent and they finally got him released and they're talking about this thing and I just started crying.
01:56:18.000 Yeah.
01:56:19.000 This poor guy is thinking about this guy who makes his way to America to try to do better for himself and it winds up getting caught up in this fake murder accusation and yeah.
01:56:31.000 Yeah.
01:56:32.000 I cried about that.
01:56:32.000 Yeah.
01:56:33.000 I think men need to cry more. 1.00
01:56:37.000 Is that another one of your folders?
01:56:40.000 Yeah.
01:56:41.000 Men crying and then...
01:56:42.000 I'm seriously turned on by men crying.
01:56:43.000 I love it.
01:56:45.000 Can I really put that out there?
01:56:47.000 The one time my ex-boyfriend cried in front of me...
01:56:49.000 You got hot.
01:56:51.000 I was blowing him while he was still sniffling.
01:56:55.000 His tears were hitting me on the head.
01:56:58.000 I'm not joking you.
01:56:59.000 I felt so inappropriate doing it, but I was like, this is so hot that you are opening up and you are emoting and that I don't have to deal with these feelings in another way, which is you being mad at me or you bottling up your anger.
01:57:11.000 These feelings have to come out somewhere.
01:57:13.000 It just was so erotic to me to see a guy so vulnerable, so sensitive.
01:57:18.000 I think it's very weak of people to be afraid of feelings.
01:57:23.000 Yes.
01:57:23.000 There's nothing wrong with feelings.
01:57:24.000 Feelings can't kill you. 0.99
01:57:26.000 There's something wrong with being a bitch, though. 1.00
01:57:28.000 There's a difference. 0.99
01:57:29.000 This is what's important.
01:57:30.000 There's something wrong with being weak.
01:57:32.000 There's something wrong with shirking your responsibility or not doing the things that you know you're supposed to do because you want to cry and wallow away all your day and feel sorry for yourself.
01:57:44.000 Yeah.
01:57:45.000 I do not support people feeling sorry for themselves.
01:57:48.000 Because there's a perspective.
01:57:51.000 Particularly with men.
01:57:52.000 There's a perspective.
01:57:53.000 You can change your perspective.
01:57:55.000 You can just take action and do things.
01:57:58.000 There's nothing wrong with feeling sad.
01:58:00.000 There's nothing wrong with feeling emotional.
01:58:01.000 But there is something wrong with feeling sorry for yourself. 0.98
01:58:04.000 And there's a lot of men who feel sorry for yourself for no fucking reason. 0.97
01:58:08.000 Really? 0.96
01:58:08.000 But I think feeling sorry for yourself is important. 0.96
01:58:12.000 Why?
01:58:12.000 Because...
01:58:15.000 That allows you to feel those feelings, to say, you know what, I had a shitty childhood, or I had a shitty mom, and I got a fucked up deal. 1.00
01:58:26.000 That guy from Guatemala that came here, he should feel sorry for himself. 1.00
01:58:31.000 His life got...
01:58:32.000 I don't know if he should feel sorry for himself.
01:58:35.000 I definitely think he should feel the pain of what happened to him.
01:58:38.000 I mean, there's no way he can't.
01:58:40.000 And I definitely think that he should feel happy that he's been released and that these wonderful people worked really hard to get him out. 0.99
01:58:47.000 And then I also think he should feel some anger that these motherfuckers wanted to keep him in jail when they knew he was innocent. 0.97
01:58:53.000 I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with all those things. 0.99
01:58:55.000 But to be...
01:58:56.000 To just be paralyzed by that and not do anything and then use it as an excuse to never live your life? 1.00
01:59:01.000 Fuck that. 1.00
01:59:03.000 That's the difference. 1.00
01:59:04.000 And that is a choice.
01:59:05.000 And that is also something that you learn as a man.
01:59:08.000 There's people that you can count on and there's people that are gonna fall apart.
01:59:14.000 And there's a difference.
01:59:15.000 There's moments in your life where you can be dwarfed by that moment, or you can rise to the occasion.
01:59:22.000 And who you are, forever, is dependent upon how you react to those moments. 1.00
01:59:27.000 And you could just decide, I can't, everything's just too hard, and you just be a bitch. 1.00
01:59:33.000 Or you can go, yeah, this is hard, but I'm gonna do it anyway. 0.99
01:59:36.000 I'm going to get through this.
01:59:37.000 And then you learn, oh, I could do it.
01:59:40.000 Oh, I could move forward.
01:59:41.000 And the people that learn that, they need to tell other people that they learned that.
01:59:46.000 And then other people can learn it as well.
01:59:49.000 It's a reaction to pain, a reaction to bad feelings.
01:59:54.000 But to take action, to be a person who actually recognizes that these feelings are normal, but you still have to keep going.
02:00:04.000 You still have to move on with your life.
02:00:05.000 That's the difference.
02:00:06.000 That makes sense.
02:00:08.000 There's too many people that just use whatever happens in their life as an excuse for why they're a failure.
02:00:14.000 Or use it as an excuse for why other people do well.
02:00:18.000 Well I can't because this happened when I was young. 0.99
02:00:21.000 Just fucking get up and go. 0.99
02:00:25.000 Just go. 0.99
02:00:25.000 I think you can do that after you acknowledge, like, you can let yourself feel sorry for yourself a little bit. 0.99
02:00:31.000 Don't sit in that too long.
02:00:32.000 But if you always, because I think I'm just speaking more to myself because I've had to actually seek out therapists who teach me how to feel sorry for myself because so much of me is like, what are you complaining about?
02:00:44.000 Look at your life.
02:00:45.000 Come on.
02:00:46.000 You don't have anything to cry about.
02:00:47.000 Don't feel sorry for yourself.
02:00:48.000 Don't do that.
02:00:49.000 And then I never get to feel sad.
02:00:51.000 I How do the therapists teach you that?
02:00:53.000 They go, my God, that sounds really hard.
02:00:55.000 And I go, well, people have it worse.
02:00:57.000 It's fine.
02:00:58.000 No, let's go back.
02:01:00.000 You were scared then.
02:01:01.000 You didn't get the support you needed.
02:01:03.000 That's not fair.
02:01:05.000 That sucks that that happened to you. 0.94
02:01:06.000 Will you feel that? 0.91
02:01:07.000 Will you feel that you needed more support back then when you didn't get it and you were scared and you didn't know any different because you were a little girl?
02:01:15.000 They take me back there and they go...
02:01:16.000 Feel sorry for her.
02:01:18.000 Feel sad for that girl.
02:01:19.000 And I have to go back and kind of let myself feel sorry for myself.
02:01:23.000 And is there a relief in doing that?
02:01:25.000 Yeah.
02:01:25.000 I think it allows me to stop pushing all my feelings down and being like, I gotta be brave.
02:01:31.000 I can't complain because what are you crying about?
02:01:34.000 You have a roof over you, Ed.
02:01:36.000 You have parents who love you.
02:01:37.000 But once they do that, is there a build-up afterwards, like a build-back-up, where they're like, okay, now that you've acknowledged the fact that you're validated or you have valid feelings and that there's a reason why you felt fucked over, there's a reason why you felt abandoned, now that you've,
02:01:52.000 like, let's look at positive aspects of Nikki Glaser.
02:01:56.000 Let's look at life.
02:01:58.000 Let's have some perspective.
02:01:59.000 Do they do that?
02:02:00.000 We haven't gotten there yet because we haven't covered all the Trump.
02:02:02.000 That's the worry.
02:02:03.000 My worry is that there's merchants.
02:02:06.000 That there's something very valuable in selling pity.
02:02:13.000 There's something very valuable in dwelling on these moments of your life that have been bad.
02:02:19.000 And I think there's something...
02:02:21.000 In what you're saying that is valid before you were dealing with this, where you're saying, look at your life.
02:02:27.000 You've got it better than a lot of people.
02:02:29.000 What are you complaining about?
02:02:31.000 Not that you should look at it that way, but that there are positive and negative ways to look at things.
02:02:37.000 The thing about having a bad childhood and having bad childhood experiences Is that it makes you a more interesting and resilient person.
02:02:49.000 And that is undeniable.
02:02:51.000 And that, I think, is something that it's very difficult for people to come to grips with.
02:02:56.000 When they look at their childhood and they look at bad aspects of their life, they want to dwell on it.
02:03:00.000 I'm like, okay, get that out of your system.
02:03:03.000 Then I want you to look at it this way.
02:03:05.000 That has given you a depth that most people don't possess.
02:03:10.000 Yeah.
02:03:11.000 And that's why you're interesting.
02:03:12.000 I know. 0.98
02:03:13.000 Everyone that I know who's interesting has had some fucked up childhood. 0.93
02:03:16.000 And as a parent, it's weird because I want to protect my children from adversity. 0.84
02:03:20.000 But yet, all of my favorite people have come from adversity. 1.00
02:03:24.000 They're so fucked up. 1.00
02:03:25.000 I know. 1.00
02:03:25.000 It's very complicated. 1.00
02:03:26.000 And that's got to feel...
02:03:28.000 Because you want to make the best...
02:03:29.000 You want your kids to be funny.
02:03:31.000 You want them...
02:03:32.000 Yeah, that's usually the case.
02:03:33.000 It's like whenever I see someone who's just like...
02:03:36.000 Sometimes you meet someone who's stunning, but they're also funny, and you're like, what?
02:03:40.000 How?
02:03:41.000 And then you're like, oh, you were molested.
02:03:43.000 Okay, now that makes sense.
02:03:44.000 Exactly. 0.99
02:03:44.000 You had to go through something fucking awful to develop a personality. 0.99
02:03:50.000 So you're right. 0.98
02:03:51.000 I'm so grateful for those times when I was little and scared and confused and felt abandoned and all of these things.
02:03:59.000 And I had great parents who did...
02:04:01.000 They couldn't have done better.
02:04:02.000 But I was just a sensitive child who needed a little bit more.
02:04:06.000 But I don't think it's serving me anymore to just suck it up and say, what are you so sorry about?
02:04:15.000 What are you so sad about?
02:04:16.000 You shouldn't be so sad.
02:04:17.000 Because I really struggle with that.
02:04:18.000 That's why I keep asking, are you depressed, Joe?
02:04:21.000 Do you know anyone?
02:04:22.000 I need to find people who are depressed that My life is so good, though.
02:04:25.000 The problem is if I was depressed, it would be really disheartening for everybody that has a life that's not as fortunate.
02:04:32.000 Right, but I think my depression is chemical.
02:04:36.000 I think it's just like my brain.
02:04:38.000 I was born that way.
02:04:39.000 There's nothing my parents could have done differently to make me not suffer with depression. 0.99
02:04:44.000 I have to feel sad, like, oh, that sucks that I have a brain that tells me to kill myself. 0.98
02:04:51.000 Once a quarter. 0.91
02:04:53.000 And that I have to have those thoughts, and I think those thoughts are right, and I know that I'm not ever going to act on those thoughts, but it sucks that I even have to have them.
02:05:01.000 Is there a correlation, though, between how well your life is going, like when your life is going great, and how good you feel?
02:05:08.000 No.
02:05:09.000 No.
02:05:09.000 Oh, man.
02:05:10.000 Oh, it's the best my life has gone is some of the worst times I've ever had.
02:05:13.000 That's where there's a real solid argument for the chemical imbalance, right?
02:05:18.000 Because there's some people that I know that have had depression, but they've only had it when their life was in the shitter.
02:05:23.000 Like when a girl left them or when they lost a job or things started going, then they got depression.
02:05:29.000 And I'm always like, hmm, what is the difference between depression and not doing well so you feel bad?
02:05:35.000 Yes.
02:05:35.000 There's a difference.
02:05:36.000 Yeah, I think so. 1.00
02:05:37.000 The chemical depression that you're discussing, that's the real shit. 1.00
02:05:40.000 That's like the real mental, like there's like a clogged pipe or something. 1.00
02:05:46.000 Yeah.
02:05:46.000 It's not going through.
02:05:48.000 And it doesn't, and you look at your life and you look at everything that's going on and you just, it doesn't make sense why you feel so sad or why you feel like such a fraud or why you feel like you should kill yourself.
02:06:00.000 I mean like...
02:06:00.000 Right.
02:06:01.000 What?
02:06:02.000 What is that?
02:06:03.000 I don't know.
02:06:03.000 And the thoughts are so...
02:06:06.000 They're not even like... 0.50
02:06:08.000 I sit down and go, I want to feel sad and think of ways to kill myself. 1.00
02:06:11.000 I'll just be sitting there and I'll be like, kill yourself. 1.00
02:06:14.000 I don't hear voices, but they're not thoughts I want to have. 0.99
02:06:19.000 I don't like to wallow in it.
02:06:21.000 I compare it to getting a cold.
02:06:26.000 I feel it coming on. 0.99
02:06:27.000 I'm like, oh shit, there's a thought and I don't know what to do. 0.98
02:06:29.000 Do you get these right when you close your laptop after kink.com? 0.98
02:06:32.000 Yeah.
02:06:34.000 Usually that's what I'm feeling pretty good That's what I'm feeling the best is after I've done that I don't have that depression that people have of like regret I mean I'm disgusted about talking about all these things that I'm into when and I and and Honestly, I only masturbate once every two weeks.
02:06:49.000 So this isn't like an addiction for me It's just but when it comes on a freight train.
02:06:54.000 Yeah when I open my laptop It's time to go.
02:06:57.000 I am going into...
02:06:58.000 War.
02:06:59.000 ...anal graduate three.
02:07:01.000 Like, just women who are going through some kind of master's course. 0.99
02:07:06.000 Tom Segura sent me a video the other day.
02:07:08.000 I'll show it to you if you like.
02:07:09.000 But I don't remember what I sent him, but he sent me a video of this young lady... 0.99
02:07:13.000 Probably they were just saying, hey, how are you? 0.99
02:07:15.000 ...laying on her back, and she's just punching herself in the vagina. 1.00
02:07:19.000 What? 1.00
02:07:20.000 Okay, you need to see.
02:07:21.000 And it's just going in. 0.87
02:07:25.000 And I'm like, what in the hell? 1.00
02:07:28.000 I have learned so much about the plasticity of vaginas and assholes from kink.com. 1.00
02:07:34.000 It doesn't seem like it should be real. 0.99
02:07:38.000 Yeah, a lot can go on.
02:07:40.000 A lot can fit up there that you just can't even believe.
02:07:45.000 There's just something so, like, oh my god.
02:07:47.000 Whoa! 0.71
02:07:48.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
02:07:49.000 Oh my god, it looks like she's playing that Price is Right game where you punch through. 0.99
02:07:53.000 She just keeps going in there. 1.00
02:07:54.000 Oh my god, she's so angry.
02:07:57.000 Her face?
02:07:58.000 Oh my god!
02:08:00.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
02:08:02.000 No, no, no, no, no.
02:08:04.000 She keeps doing it for a long time, too, by the way.
02:08:06.000 It's a long video.
02:08:07.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:08:08.000 Tom, if you ever need something fucked up to look at, holler at Tom. 0.99
02:08:12.000 Okay. 0.99
02:08:13.000 Tom Segura. 1.00
02:08:13.000 Yeah, Tom and Christina are into some weird shit. 1.00
02:08:16.000 He's got his finger on the pulse of all that's wrong. 1.00
02:08:17.000 Did you see the one of the balls being shit out of the ass? 1.00
02:08:20.000 Yes. 1.00
02:08:20.000 That was kind of weirdly beautiful. 1.00
02:08:24.000 Well, very unusual.
02:08:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:08:26.000 First of all, to have balls that will make it all the way to your ass is weird. 1.00
02:08:30.000 And then not just make it all the way to your ass, but go inside, like tucked inside like he's laying eggs. 1.00
02:08:36.000 The stuff he puts on Twitter. 1.00
02:08:38.000 And filmed it?
02:08:39.000 And filmed it!
02:08:40.000 Had to set up a camera?
02:08:41.000 Yeah, I mean that guy's practicing.
02:08:43.000 That girl that was just violently fisting herself had to like prop up her camera across the room and then go scoot back. 1.00
02:08:50.000 Or somebody else is filming it.
02:08:52.000 Oh yeah, that's true. 1.00
02:08:52.000 But the guy with the balls up his ass, apparently he lets guys fuck him in the ass with his balls in his ass and his favorite thing is fucking guys while he has his own balls in his ass. 1.00
02:09:05.000 Yeah, okay. 1.00
02:09:07.000 Hey, listen, you can't judge.
02:09:10.000 I certainly can't.
02:09:12.000 It makes me feel less alone that there are people out there that are into weirder stuff than I am. 0.99
02:09:16.000 There's people into weird shit. 0.98
02:09:17.000 The weirdest thing about human sexuality is the spectrum of it. 0.99
02:09:21.000 One thing that you would say to another person would turn them on, another person would never call you again. 1.00
02:09:27.000 You fucking freak. 1.00
02:09:28.000 Yep. 1.00
02:09:29.000 They'd run away from you.
02:09:30.000 I know.
02:09:30.000 And you don't know.
02:09:31.000 And that's why so much of stuff on Kink.com, I'm just like, get off of her feet.
02:09:35.000 I don't need you to be doing that. 0.97
02:09:37.000 That hurts her nipples. 1.00
02:09:39.000 Take those off her nipples. 1.00
02:09:40.000 All the extra stuff I just want very... 1.00
02:09:42.000 I wish I could just...
02:09:44.000 I need to just produce my own porn, I think. 0.85
02:09:46.000 Maybe that's your future. 0.93
02:09:48.000 Possibly.
02:09:48.000 I mean, I don't really want to be in it, but I would like to get behind the camera and make the videos that I'm craving.
02:09:54.000 Isn't the thing about porn, though, is that, like, the girls never really make the money. 1.00
02:09:58.000 It's always the producer and, like, the reason why people are tuning in is for the girl.
02:10:04.000 Yeah.
02:10:04.000 But the girl's never the one who's getting rich.
02:10:07.000 It's always the people...
02:10:08.000 But I don't know if anybody's getting rich anymore.
02:10:11.000 I mean, maybe...
02:10:12.000 I guess they must be.
02:10:13.000 They must be making some money.
02:10:14.000 Only fans.
02:10:15.000 Yeah.
02:10:16.000 Yeah, but that goes to the girls, right? 1.00
02:10:18.000 Right.
02:10:18.000 Mostly?
02:10:19.000 Yeah.
02:10:19.000 But when I first bought, not the house I'm living in now, but another house in the past, I had a neighbor who was balling out of control.
02:10:28.000 He always had these really nice Mercedes-Benz parked in his driveway and Porsches and shit. 0.99
02:10:33.000 And he always was wearing big fat watches and shit. 1.00
02:10:36.000 And he was a porn producer. 1.00
02:10:38.000 And he was laughing about how much money he made from porn.
02:10:42.000 But then the internet came along, and it was so quick.
02:10:47.000 It was so quick where the internet killed his business.
02:10:50.000 Because this is, you know, we're talking about, I guess it was like the 90s, the early 2000s.
02:10:56.000 He was making all this money, and it was DVD sales.
02:10:59.000 Right.
02:11:00.000 And then all of a sudden the internet came along and online porn and bandwidth just kicked up to the point where you could actually stream it.
02:11:06.000 And they foreclosed in his house.
02:11:08.000 And I'll never forget that.
02:11:09.000 I'll never forget finding out that that guy was losing his house.
02:11:13.000 And I was like, wow.
02:11:15.000 Because that guy was always like... 0.98
02:11:16.000 So flashy, like everything was like gold chains and he had a fucking silver tooth and he was doing coke all the time and always had girls over his place. 0.99
02:11:25.000 He was just making so much money and it was from selling porn. 0.97
02:11:29.000 But it was not, the girls weren't making that money. 1.00
02:11:31.000 There's like, I mean there's been a few girls I'm sure that have made a lot of money in porn, but it's real rare. 0.99
02:11:37.000 It is rare, there's like, you know.
02:11:40.000 Yeah, it's not the girls that I'm seeing on kink.com.
02:11:43.000 In fact, there's a great documentary on Netflix called Hot Girls Wanted that talks about...
02:11:48.000 Oh, I heard about that.
02:11:49.000 I haven't seen it.
02:11:50.000 Dude, it's so upsetting.
02:11:52.000 These girls, they find these girls, they post ads on Craigslist, and they find girls that are fresh out of high school that just want to get out of their small town, and they're promised to make a thousand bucks a day.
02:12:02.000 You know, if you do like six shoots, maybe.
02:12:05.000 And they burn out within like four months and they shoot all these videos that are up forever.
02:12:13.000 Forever.
02:12:14.000 And then they get really sick.
02:12:18.000 They get too much use down there and they have to go to the doctor and they have different...
02:12:24.000 Abrasions and certain things and that's how they get...
02:12:26.000 Then they're doing really fetishy type stuff where there's one girl that is in it that has to do with a brutal session, which King.com has a lot of brutal videos, which I hate that word in porn because that's usually like... 0.75
02:12:38.000 You just see girls that you're like, oh, she could not have left that shoot feeling empowered about herself no matter what.
02:12:45.000 I mean, it's just so sad what they say and do to these girls.
02:12:49.000 And in that movie, there was one girl that was like... 0.90
02:12:52.000 Yeah, I went to a brutal session today and I had to...
02:12:56.000 And you could just see like the life lost in her eyes.
02:13:00.000 And these girls just last... 1.00
02:13:01.000 I mean, a year is a really long time for them to last.
02:13:03.000 And they think it's going to be like this glamorous life.
02:13:06.000 I mean, they're so young, but that's...
02:13:08.000 Well, when you're 18 years old, you're basically a kid.
02:13:12.000 Yeah.
02:13:12.000 You're not really...
02:13:13.000 I mean, you're an adult only on paper.
02:13:15.000 And in size.
02:13:17.000 But you're a kid.
02:13:18.000 Your mind's not formed yet.
02:13:20.000 And your ideas of what's okay and what's not okay, they're not balanced. 0.98
02:13:25.000 And they pay for your plane ticket to go to Miami and live in this house with a bunch of other porn stars. 1.00
02:13:30.000 And it's like this shitty fucking apartment with the producer who lives with you and you're taking care of his dog. 0.99
02:13:35.000 I mean, that documentary is really incredible and makes you second guess where your porn comes from. 1.00
02:13:43.000 That's why I gotta pay for mine. 0.71
02:13:44.000 But it's also the way people look at you forever. 0.99
02:13:47.000 If you have a sexual relationship with a person and someone does crazy shit to you, that's just what you wanted and you both did it and that's okay. 0.98
02:13:59.000 Maybe people will laugh, but they don't have to see it all the time, right? 0.99
02:14:02.000 The thing about porn with a woman is... 1.00
02:14:05.000 If a woman does some crazy gangbang or something like that, that's always going to be there. 1.00
02:14:09.000 And some guy is like, hey, that girl that you're going to marry, check out this link.
02:14:14.000 And someone sends you this link and you go, oh my god.
02:14:17.000 And you see her as if she's right there right now doing this.
02:14:22.000 I know.
02:14:22.000 You don't see her as if there's a person who made a mistake when she was 18 and did this thing, but now she's 30 and you love her.
02:14:30.000 No, you still, she's broken and damaged. 0.82
02:14:33.000 Hopefully you can get over that.
02:14:35.000 Hopefully.
02:14:36.000 But a lot of people aren't strong enough to do that.
02:14:40.000 A lot of people, they won't be able to rationalize or objectively look at this and go, listen, she made some mistakes.
02:14:48.000 Some people, you know, some people went to jail for shoplifting and then, you know, they realize you shouldn't steal.
02:14:54.000 And then, you know, they get out and then they live a normal life.
02:14:57.000 No one goes, oh yeah, but look, you're a shoplifter forever.
02:15:00.000 Right. 0.84
02:15:01.000 Right.
02:15:01.000 Although, you know, I relate to some of these porn actresses just in the sense that I've said things and done things on stage or like that.
02:15:11.000 I'm like, oh, no, that's always going to.
02:15:13.000 I mean, like even today, I mean, someone's going to my husband someday might watch this.
02:15:18.000 Yep.
02:15:18.000 And be like, look what you were into and what you admitted.
02:15:22.000 Yeah, but you are a grown woman. 1.00
02:15:25.000 You're not a child.
02:15:27.000 Right.
02:15:27.000 But a man who's into that, like who's into you, would go, she's just being honest.
02:15:34.000 I'm just being honest.
02:15:35.000 I think that's what I just try to be.
02:15:37.000 That's empowered. 0.98
02:15:39.000 I mean, it really, it's kind of fucked up to be empowered that way. 0.97
02:15:42.000 Because, you know what I mean? 0.99
02:15:43.000 Because people are like, wait a minute, you're empowered by watching girls get gang raped and gagged and fucking pissed on and stuff? 0.99
02:15:49.000 I made that part out. 0.99
02:15:52.000 Gang banged.
02:15:54.000 Gang banged.
02:15:54.000 Sorry about that.
02:15:55.000 No, no, no.
02:15:56.000 But I'll get there.
02:15:58.000 But you're a grown woman. 1.00
02:16:00.000 You can find a man who recognizes and respects you for what weird shit you're into as a grown woman. 0.99
02:16:06.000 But when you're 18 years old, you're not even a grown up. 1.00
02:16:10.000 I know.
02:16:11.000 You're just not.
02:16:11.000 You're a person who's legally responsible for yourself because you're an adult.
02:16:16.000 It's fucking weird. 0.99
02:16:17.000 It's a weird thing because even just regular porn, just regular sex, it's strange that we all want to have sex, but no one wants to see the person that they have sex with having sex with someone else on film. 1.00
02:16:32.000 I know. 0.92
02:16:34.000 Even though you know that they have had sex before.
02:16:37.000 You're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I can't hear you.
02:16:39.000 But no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:16:42.000 It would be interesting to hear, I mean, how boyfriends of people who have done porn, I mean, I think some guys can just handle it, and they can be okay with it.
02:16:51.000 Some guys like it.
02:16:52.000 I like hearing about, if my ex-boyfriend, not porn, but if he made sex tapes with other girlfriends. 0.84
02:17:01.000 You'd want to watch them? 0.98
02:17:02.000 Oh.
02:17:03.000 I would.
02:17:04.000 Yes.
02:17:05.000 Yeah, I love it.
02:17:06.000 We got to put these in a bank vault.
02:17:07.000 I would watch them all the time.
02:17:10.000 I would want to hear about them all the time.
02:17:11.000 I'm really into that.
02:17:12.000 I really love hearing about ex-girlfriends or even, you know, I hate to even say this because it just sounds... 0.68
02:17:22.000 It's ridiculous, and maybe I'm not into it anymore, but the last time I had a boyfriend years and years ago, I wanted him to go have sex with other girls and tell me about it. 0.67
02:17:31.000 Really? 0.99
02:17:31.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:17:33.000 And Dr. Drew has told me that there's something wrong with me, that that's what I like.
02:17:38.000 There's something wrong with Dr. Drew.
02:17:39.000 How about that?
02:17:40.000 Yeah, maybe.
02:17:41.000 Yeah.
02:17:41.000 He's not perfect.
02:17:43.000 He's not.
02:17:43.000 No.
02:17:45.000 But I, yeah, I like that.
02:17:48.000 What did he say was wrong with you?
02:17:49.000 He said that Nikki, he made me look him in the eyes and tell him I'm enough.
02:17:54.000 Nikki.
02:17:55.000 You are enough.
02:17:56.000 Nikki, look at me.
02:17:57.000 You are enough.
02:17:58.000 You are enough.
02:17:59.000 Settle down, bro.
02:18:01.000 I don't want my boyfriend to bang someone else because I don't think that I can be enough.
02:18:08.000 It's because I like...
02:18:10.000 You think it's hot.
02:18:10.000 I just think it's hot.
02:18:11.000 And I don't feel threatened by it.
02:18:14.000 I really don't because most of the time if you let your boyfriend bang someone else, They don't really want to.
02:18:21.000 It's almost like giving them a license takes away the fun of cheating.
02:18:27.000 So it's kind of hard to find guys that are into this.
02:18:29.000 And I don't always want this.
02:18:30.000 Not now.
02:18:30.000 Listen to this podcast.
02:18:31.000 They're going to come floating in your DMs.
02:18:33.000 I've been saying this for years and no one's hitting me up.
02:18:36.000 Guys actually don't like this because they want their women to only want them.
02:18:40.000 And it's not that I don't want them. 1.00
02:18:45.000 I'm very turned on by guys who other girls want to fuck. 0.99
02:18:49.000 I like having a guy being like, he's mine, and you can't have him. 1.00
02:18:54.000 I get him. 1.00
02:18:55.000 And I know you want to fuck him, but you can't. 1.00
02:18:57.000 But actually, you can. 1.00
02:18:58.000 And he's going to tell me about it later.
02:19:00.000 And you're going to think that you're going to steal him from me, but you're not.
02:19:02.000 We're going to talk about you behind your back later on.
02:19:05.000 And I want her to have a really good time.
02:19:07.000 Dr. Drew is right now just screaming, taking his headphones off.
02:19:10.000 Nikki, you're enough! 0.99
02:19:12.000 You are enough!
02:19:13.000 I know I'm enough, but I just...
02:19:16.000 How did you guys resolve the conversation?
02:19:20.000 Well, he was the one that told me that I need to go see a therapist that helps me feel my feelings.
02:19:25.000 I found my therapist because Dr. Drew was like, you need to go to an emotionally focused therapist because you don't feel your feelings and you need to find someone who really mimics your feelings back to you.
02:19:35.000 Mimics.
02:19:36.000 Yeah, because I don't really let myself get sad or get mad.
02:19:41.000 I'm always running from one thing to the next because I don't like to feel at all.
02:19:48.000 Interesting.
02:19:49.000 Yeah.
02:19:50.000 But he just said that compulsion to have...
02:19:55.000 But it's always been there.
02:19:57.000 Whenever I'm with a guy, I want to hear about, like, when was the last time you hooked up?
02:20:00.000 What happened?
02:20:01.000 What did you do?
02:20:02.000 I want to know all those things.
02:20:03.000 And they think it's a trap.
02:20:04.000 They're like, oh, you're going to get jealous and this is going to lead to fights later on.
02:20:09.000 But I want to hear about it and talk about it.
02:20:12.000 I don't know.
02:20:13.000 It really does it for me.
02:20:16.000 It's a weird thing.
02:20:17.000 And he rejects that.
02:20:19.000 Yeah, he thinks that it means that I have low self-esteem, which I'm not denying.
02:20:25.000 I do.
02:20:26.000 But that's not what it is.
02:20:28.000 But I don't think that's where...
02:20:29.000 I mean, maybe that's where it comes from, but it does...
02:20:32.000 I don't think it is. 0.82
02:20:32.000 I think it's a sexual kink. 0.82
02:20:34.000 Yeah, it's not. 0.99
02:20:35.000 I'm not a cuck. 1.00
02:20:36.000 I'm not in the corner like, you're fucking my boyfriend! 1.00
02:20:39.000 Like, sad about like... 1.00
02:20:40.000 Can a girl be a cuck? 1.00
02:20:42.000 Yeah. 0.95
02:20:43.000 I didn't know a girl could be a cop. 1.00
02:20:45.000 I'm sure they could.
02:20:45.000 I mean, it makes sense.
02:20:46.000 Well, if you're just like, I want to stop fucking my boyfriend. 1.00
02:20:50.000 Like, I can see that. 0.99
02:20:50.000 But no, I'm like in the corner like, do it. 0.99
02:20:53.000 And I don't even want to be involved.
02:20:54.000 I'm just like, ha ha, I love it.
02:20:56.000 She's getting it.
02:20:58.000 Wow.
02:20:58.000 And I'm not jealous.
02:21:00.000 I don't know why I'm not jealous. 0.97
02:21:01.000 First of all, I've been fucked by enough guys who haven't wanted to be with me afterwards. 0.99
02:21:06.000 So I don't think that my boyfriend's going to fuck someone and be like, I need to marry her. 1.00
02:21:09.000 If anything, he's going to be like, I need to get away from this chick. 1.00
02:21:11.000 Like, it'll...
02:21:13.000 Make him... 1.00
02:21:14.000 Not want to fuck her anymore. 1.00
02:21:16.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
02:21:17.000 That usually does it. 0.78
02:21:19.000 Based on my experience, when you have sex with a guy, he doesn't really want to hang out with you afterwards.
02:21:23.000 That is hilarious. 1.00
02:21:24.000 So the way to keep your man is to let him fuck other girls. 1.00
02:21:27.000 That way he won't want to be with them anymore. 1.00
02:21:28.000 Yes, and if he does want to be with them, go be with them!
02:21:32.000 I don't want to keep you from that.
02:21:34.000 But I have a lot of self-esteem in terms of, like, I'm a cool chick.
02:21:39.000 I feel like, yeah, I'm a lot, as you said on the last podcast, and I've never gotten them out of my head.
02:21:43.000 No!
02:21:46.000 That bothered you when I said you were a lot?
02:21:48.000 It didn't bother me, but I felt seen.
02:21:51.000 Joe Rogan, I felt seen.
02:21:53.000 I just felt like, wow, he...
02:21:56.000 I don't know.
02:21:59.000 I didn't know what to think of you.
02:22:03.000 Before we have hung out, and we really only hung out on the podcast, which is like a real hang.
02:22:09.000 I mean, this is no different than if we were alone together and just hanging out as comics.
02:22:14.000 But yeah, I just felt like, my God, you showed me a part of myself that I was maybe denying because I just picture myself like, I'm such a cool chick.
02:22:24.000 I'm so fun and easy.
02:22:25.000 Why does anyone like me?
02:22:26.000 And then you go, you're a lot.
02:22:28.000 And it was just like... 1.00
02:22:30.000 Fuck! 1.00
02:22:30.000 Like, maybe I'm not the total package that I think I am, and that's okay. 1.00
02:22:35.000 I'm a lot.
02:22:35.000 A lot is not bad.
02:22:37.000 It's not.
02:22:38.000 Okay.
02:22:39.000 No, it's not.
02:22:40.000 When I say you're a lot, it's like, whoa, there's a lot going on there.
02:22:43.000 It's not bad.
02:22:44.000 But am I enough?
02:22:46.000 Are you enough?
02:22:47.000 Look at me.
02:22:48.000 Say you're enough.
02:22:50.000 Nikki, you're enough.
02:22:52.000 You make me look at you and say, say you're a lot.
02:22:54.000 Say you're a lot.
02:22:55.000 I'm a lot, Joe.
02:22:56.000 Say you're a lot.
02:22:57.000 I'm a lot.
02:22:57.000 You know you're a lot.
02:22:58.000 I didn't know.
02:22:59.000 You've said you're a lot the whole podcast.
02:23:01.000 Because, well, now I know I'm a lot.
02:23:02.000 Yeah.
02:23:03.000 Oh, you didn't know until I said it?
02:23:04.000 I had no idea.
02:23:05.000 Jesus.
02:23:05.000 I thought I was kind of easy going and chill, but I am totally not, and I'm a lot.
02:23:10.000 I am chill.
02:23:11.000 I'm really fun.
02:23:12.000 And I let my boyfriend bang other people, or I would be into discussing that happening.
02:23:18.000 But, yeah, I'm a lot.
02:23:20.000 And that's okay.
02:23:21.000 It's okay.
02:23:22.000 For sure.
02:23:23.000 Yeah, you're fun.
02:23:24.000 You're hilarious.
02:23:25.000 I can be really fun.
02:23:26.000 I think that's also, it has to be a part of why you're such a good comic.
02:23:30.000 It has to be.
02:23:31.000 It has to be.
02:23:32.000 Those two things have to be connected.
02:23:34.000 Yes.
02:23:35.000 All that madness comes out in the creativity and it comes out in your writing and it comes out in your performance.
02:23:41.000 That's part of why it's so good.
02:23:43.000 Thanks, man.
02:23:45.000 But you have to know that, right?
02:23:47.000 I didn't! 0.72
02:23:48.000 Anybody who does what we do is crazy.
02:23:49.000 Yeah.
02:23:49.000 There's no way around it.
02:23:50.000 We're all crazy. 0.68
02:23:52.000 My crazy is different than Doug Stanhope's crazy, which is different than... 0.84
02:23:57.000 You just keep going down the line.
02:23:58.000 Everybody's got their own... 0.57
02:23:59.000 Allie Wong's got her own crazy. 0.97
02:24:00.000 Everyone's got their own crazy.
02:24:02.000 Yeah, insecurity.
02:24:03.000 Yeah.
02:24:05.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:24:06.000 But for you, when it comes together, it makes great comedy.
02:24:10.000 Yeah, I'm intense.
02:24:11.000 Yes, and it does.
02:24:13.000 I'm really intense.
02:24:14.000 I am.
02:24:15.000 You are! 0.99
02:24:16.000 And I'm already going over things I've said here, and I'm like, I am never going to find a fucking husband. 1.00
02:24:22.000 You will. 0.99
02:24:22.000 Not true. 0.99
02:24:23.000 I will.
02:24:24.000 100%.
02:24:25.000 Thanks, man.
02:24:26.000 Yeah.
02:24:26.000 No doubt.
02:24:28.000 Yeah.
02:24:28.000 This guy right now listening to this going, I need to find her!
02:24:32.000 Yes, I'm going to get hit up a lot on this thing.
02:24:34.000 I knew she was out there.
02:24:36.000 Thank you.
02:24:38.000 The person I end up with will take me as I am.
02:24:42.000 I can't change for anyone anymore.
02:24:44.000 I've been doing that too much.
02:24:46.000 Will I get the Tonight Show after this interview?
02:24:49.000 Good, you don't want it. 0.99
02:24:51.000 What the fuck would you want to do with that thing? 0.99
02:24:53.000 I mean, I would like to host a late night talk show someday. 0.99
02:24:56.000 Well, if you did, you should be doing it on the internet.
02:24:59.000 No one should ever try to censor you.
02:25:02.000 No way.
02:25:03.000 What makes you fun and interesting and special is you.
02:25:07.000 All of you.
02:25:08.000 All of you that you showed here. 1.00
02:25:10.000 Not some weird Procter& Gamble version of you that's going to sell tampons on some late night bullshit show. 1.00
02:25:16.000 Get the fuck out of here with that. 1.00
02:25:18.000 That would be a waste of you. 1.00
02:25:19.000 If you had to do the Ellen DeGeneres show, it would be a fucking waste of you. 1.00
02:25:24.000 Right. 0.99
02:25:24.000 If they get rid of Ellen because she's so mean, and they bring in Nikki Glaser, and you have to pretend you give a fuck about dancing for all these people. 0.99
02:25:30.000 I like dancing! 0.98
02:25:31.000 I bet you do, but you'd also like to talk about getting gagged. 0.85
02:25:34.000 I know, but they'll never give me that show because I've admitted these things.
02:25:38.000 But that is what you should talk about.
02:25:41.000 I know, but I could be more than those things.
02:25:43.000 But you are more than those things.
02:25:45.000 I could save that for here.
02:25:46.000 Uh-uh.
02:25:46.000 No, you are all those things.
02:25:48.000 You can do other things here as well.
02:25:51.000 Right.
02:25:51.000 Not I mean here as in the internet.
02:25:52.000 Yes, yes.
02:25:53.000 You can do other things.
02:25:55.000 You can talk about everything you want to talk about.
02:25:57.000 Not just little segments that you have to save parts of it, the parts that are disturbing for some people.
02:26:04.000 Save that for the people that get it.
02:26:05.000 For my Patreon.
02:26:06.000 Subscribe.
02:26:07.000 I was going to say that.
02:26:08.000 I was going to say Patreon.
02:26:09.000 I'm a late night host with this Patreon. 1.00
02:26:11.000 That world is fucked. 1.00
02:26:13.000 That world of censored... 1.00
02:26:16.000 One of the reasons why the Ellen thing is so fascinating to people, people probably know that she's mean. 1.00
02:26:23.000 You know that's not all she thinks about and talks about when she's doing that show.
02:26:28.000 Right. 0.99
02:26:28.000 If we found out that Jimmy Fallon was secretly doing heroin and fucking guys, he'd be like, I knew it! 0.99
02:26:34.000 I knew you couldn't be that same guy all the time. 0.98
02:26:38.000 It's just too...
02:26:40.000 But that's what people want.
02:26:41.000 Why is that the way it is then?
02:26:44.000 I don't think they do want it.
02:26:46.000 Then why aren't advertisers investing in people who are being honest in...
02:26:51.000 Well, they are.
02:26:52.000 Well, now they are.
02:26:53.000 On podcasts.
02:26:53.000 Yeah.
02:26:54.000 I have a lot of ads.
02:26:55.000 No, I know you do.
02:26:56.000 You're leading the charge.
02:26:59.000 This is mainstream now.
02:27:01.000 The world of television, the censored view of things, it's not viable anymore.
02:27:09.000 Because it's not real humans.
02:27:11.000 So that's why the ratings are terrible.
02:27:14.000 The ratings are terrible because it's not compelling.
02:27:16.000 Because you only scratch the surface of human potential, of a human personality, of human interest.
02:27:22.000 You dabble in this very shallow pool.
02:27:25.000 And you go, oh, we're swimming!
02:27:27.000 Look at us in here swimming.
02:27:28.000 Stand up!
02:27:29.000 Stand up!
02:27:29.000 It's ankle high!
02:27:31.000 You're not swimming. 0.99
02:27:32.000 You're lying on your stomach in a fucking kiddie pool where other people are jumping into the ocean of ideas. 1.00
02:27:38.000 And that's the difference. 1.00
02:27:39.000 But don't we risk getting in so much trouble?
02:27:42.000 With who?
02:27:44.000 I mean...
02:27:44.000 Yeah, some ads...
02:27:46.000 Look, I'm sure...
02:27:47.000 I know for a fact I've said things on this podcast where I've lost sponsors.
02:27:51.000 But then more of them come in.
02:27:52.000 They take their place.
02:27:54.000 Yeah.
02:27:54.000 Like, you're not a bad person.
02:27:56.000 You're a good person.
02:27:57.000 That's what I keep going back to because sometimes I feel like a bad person.
02:28:00.000 You're not a bad person.
02:28:01.000 About the things I talk about.
02:28:02.000 No, you're not.
02:28:03.000 No, there's nothing about you that's a bad person.
02:28:05.000 Okay.
02:28:05.000 You're just honest.
02:28:07.000 About the way your brain works.
02:28:08.000 And everybody's brain works differently.
02:28:10.000 We're all weird.
02:28:11.000 We're all weird and different.
02:28:12.000 But you don't know who's weird.
02:28:14.000 That's why the Ellen thing is so interesting to people.
02:28:16.000 Because like, ooh, she's mean.
02:28:18.000 She's secretly mean.
02:28:20.000 So she pretends to be nice, but she's mean. 1.00
02:28:23.000 You know?
02:28:24.000 Like if somebody...
02:28:26.000 Just pretends to be this version of someone that we see in a Mary Poppins movie or we see in some sort of a Disney television show.
02:28:35.000 That's what freaks people out.
02:28:38.000 Why is that person that...
02:28:40.000 I think Mr. Rogers was really like that.
02:28:43.000 I do too.
02:28:44.000 I think we were getting...
02:28:45.000 He was honest.
02:28:46.000 Yes.
02:28:46.000 That was his honest, true self.
02:28:47.000 That really was him.
02:28:49.000 But that's so rare. 0.99
02:28:50.000 But if you found out that Mr. Rogers was a secret cunt, and you like to spit on people at red lights, you'd be like, what? 1.00
02:28:56.000 Mr. Rogers? 0.99
02:28:57.000 That's why people are freaking out about Ellen. 0.99
02:28:59.000 Because it was just the opposite of what we thought.
02:29:01.000 It's a scam.
02:29:03.000 Yeah.
02:29:04.000 People feel deceived.
02:29:05.000 It's also a tyranny of being the one person who's in charge of this whole empire and all these people, hundreds of people work around and are like, Ellen, can I get your tea?
02:29:13.000 Ellen, would you like crackers?
02:29:14.000 Ellen, would you like this? 1.00
02:29:15.000 Shut up! 1.00
02:29:16.000 Get away! 1.00
02:29:16.000 Get away from me! 1.00
02:29:17.000 Yeah.
02:29:18.000 I'll have to say, for people who don't know, Joe Rogan off the show is...
02:29:25.000 You're like, exactly, I was trying to make a joke, but I'm like, there is no joke to be made.
02:29:29.000 You're exactly the same.
02:29:31.000 I don't think I could be, I don't think I could fake it that long.
02:29:36.000 Right. 0.99
02:29:37.000 I've done 1,500 and whatever the fuck of these things. 0.97
02:29:41.000 Look, I've displayed bad behavior. 1.00
02:29:44.000 I've displayed anger and stupidity. 1.00
02:29:47.000 I've said stupid shit. 1.00
02:29:48.000 Have you said stuff you've regretted? 1.00
02:29:50.000 Oh, fuck, for sure. 1.00
02:29:51.000 You leave sometimes and you're like, God, why did I say that? 1.00
02:29:53.000 Oh, yeah.
02:29:54.000 Have you made rules for yourself?
02:29:56.000 Really?
02:29:56.000 Yeah, we get high afterwards and I think about things I said.
02:29:58.000 I know, that's why I'm scared to get high later.
02:30:01.000 It's the thinking about being mean to people.
02:30:04.000 That's a problem.
02:30:04.000 To people or like talking about people?
02:30:07.000 Yeah, just that it's going to hurt someone's feelings.
02:30:09.000 I know, that's what I freak out about too.
02:30:11.000 Well, there we go.
02:30:13.000 People who are actually mean don't worry about hurting people's feelings.
02:30:17.000 They just say it and they don't go back and go, oh no, what did I say?
02:30:20.000 That's the mark of actually being a good person.
02:30:23.000 Yeah, you say honest things that actually hurt people and then I get high and I go, oh, I shouldn't have said it that way.
02:30:29.000 But I really did mean it at the time, but I don't want to hurt that person.
02:30:31.000 I just want to take that out.
02:30:33.000 And do you apologize?
02:30:34.000 I have apologized before.
02:30:36.000 Yeah.
02:30:37.000 I've done all those things.
02:30:38.000 When you're doing what we're doing, and we're three hours in now, right?
02:30:44.000 It's 3.38 right now.
02:30:45.000 Jesus. 0.56
02:30:46.000 Crazy. 0.99
02:30:46.000 Time flies. 0.99
02:30:47.000 It really does.
02:30:47.000 When we're doing what we're doing, we have no script.
02:30:51.000 I mean, we only shared a couple of text messages.
02:30:53.000 I didn't even talk to you on the phone until I saw you again.
02:30:56.000 No, there's no guest prep.
02:30:57.000 I'm not getting interviewed before here.
02:30:59.000 What do you want to talk about?
02:31:00.000 And you have a list of things.
02:31:01.000 Yeah, we go wild.
02:31:02.000 I know anything can happen.
02:31:03.000 I was, like, trying to prepare for this.
02:31:05.000 Like, what am I going to talk to Joe about?
02:31:06.000 And I go, drop that!
02:31:08.000 There's no agenda.
02:31:09.000 Well, if we did that, there's no way you would have been so wild the way you do.
02:31:14.000 No, exactly.
02:31:15.000 So, you're going to...
02:31:18.000 This is a...
02:31:21.000 You're thinking out loud.
02:31:22.000 So what should I do, Joe?
02:31:23.000 I really came here.
02:31:24.000 I need advice from you in a real way.
02:31:28.000 What you just said to me really meant a lot, by the way.
02:31:31.000 I needed to hear, A, I'm not a bad person for the things I said.
02:31:33.000 I shouldn't regret anything I say today because I'm already second-guessing that.
02:31:41.000 You're a very funny comic.
02:31:43.000 Thank you.
02:31:44.000 That felt good too.
02:31:45.000 I am going to be in Pittsburgh next Thursday and then New Jersey.
02:31:49.000 What are you doing in Pittsburgh?
02:31:50.000 You're doing a drive-in?
02:31:50.000 I'm doing a drive-in theater in Butler, Pennsylvania this coming Thursday.
02:31:55.000 Kink.com!
02:31:56.000 Yes!
02:31:57.000 Yell it out!
02:31:57.000 Tell us!
02:31:58.000 Please come see me.
02:31:59.000 My dad's opening for me.
02:32:01.000 I'm bringing my dad to open for me.
02:32:02.000 He's a musician.
02:32:03.000 Okay. 0.91
02:32:03.000 We're singing a song together that's fucking hilarious that we're writing. 0.91
02:32:07.000 I'm so excited. 0.86
02:32:08.000 That's awesome.
02:32:08.000 We're doing a parody of Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper's Shallow, where we're talking about me living under his roof.
02:32:14.000 It's so good.
02:32:14.000 He's a really good musician, and I can do a pretty good Lady Gaga, and so I'm really working on that.
02:32:21.000 So yeah, please can I plug my dates?
02:32:23.000 I have four dates.
02:32:24.000 They can come see me.
02:32:25.000 August 27th through 30th.
02:32:27.000 Sing some songs.
02:32:28.000 Go to...
02:32:29.000 What's the website?
02:32:30.000 NikkiGlazer.com.
02:32:31.000 I got four dates coming up.
02:32:33.000 All outdoor shows.
02:32:34.000 Pittsburgh, New Jersey, Massachusetts, and Connecticut.
02:32:38.000 Alright.
02:32:38.000 Be nice to each other, people.
02:32:40.000 Much love.
02:32:41.000 Bye.