The Joe Rogan Experience - April 03, 2021


Joe Rogan Experience #1629 - Lara Beitz

Topics
work ethic shared psychotic disorder alcoholism getting high at the airport date rape drugs rohyphenol drug effects food addiction meditation stand-up comedy covid在学校传播
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Lara Beitz
Mentioned
Laura Beats Unstoppable Jamie Laura Bites Joey Diaz Duncan Trussell Rohypnol Roseanne Barr Dude The Comedy Cafe Sebastian Maniscalco Frank Castle Tim Dillon Austin James Irvin Barry Joe Rogan Podcast Eliza Schlesinger Tony Hinchcliffe Whitney Houston Dan Sullivan Stacia Patwell and 55 more
Joe Rogan Experience #1628 - Eric Weinstein Joe Rogan Experience #1630 - Dan Crenshaw

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 36 minutes

Words per minute

181.46

Word count

28,317

Sentence count

3,414

Harmful content

Misogyny

59

sentences flagged

Toxicity

611

sentences flagged

Hate speech

36

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

On this week's episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, the boys are joined by a new co-worker at The Sunset Strip Comedy Club, who happens to be a stand-up comedian and friend of Joe's. They talk about what it's like to work at a comedy club on the Sunset Strip, what it s like to live in Los Angeles, and what it was like growing up in New York. They also talk about the recent riots in LA, and the recent shut down of the economy by the city government. They also get into the latest news in the world of LA, including the recent shooting of a woman at a gas station, and some of the craziest things they've seen in the past 24 hours in the city, including a woman being put down on her face on the sidewalk while being robbed, and a man being pepper-sprayed by the police. And, of course, there's a story about a woman getting pepper-poured by the cops and being taken to the ER because of it, and how she's not a fan of pepper spray, and why it's a good thing she doesn't like it. Joe also talks about how he doesn't want to move to LA anymore, because it's not as fun as it used to be, and he's not sure if he should even be here at all, but he's going to move here anyway, so why not try it out anyway? and much, much more! Enjoy, Joe and Joe! (and don't forget to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and subscribe to our podcast, Apple Podcast. . Subscribe, rate, review, and tell us what you think of the show! and we'll be listening to it in the next episode of JOE ROGAN PODCAST! Subscribe to JOE JOGAN EPISODE by clicking the JOB JOBRAN EXPERIENCES by day and JOBE RODAN Podcast by night, by night all day, all day long! Thank you for listening to JOBORRAN! by day, Joe Rogan Podcasts by Night All Day All Day by Night, by Night by Day, All Day, Joe Rogans Podcast by Night! by Night Night by Night all Day, By Night by By Night, All By Day, by Day by Day! - All Day By Night All By Night By Night - By Day by Morning by Night

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.
00:00:02.000 Check it out.
00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day.
00:00:07.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.
00:00:08.000 All day.
00:00:14.000 Hello.
00:00:15.000 Hello.
00:00:16.000 Welcome.
00:00:17.000 Thank you.
00:00:17.000 What's happening?
00:00:18.000 Thank you for having me.
00:00:18.000 So you said you're in town working at, it's called the Sunset Strip Comedy Club?
00:00:21.000 Yeah.
00:00:21.000 Is this the first weekend?
00:00:22.000 Yes.
00:00:23.000 That's open?
00:00:24.000 Whoa.
00:00:24.000 Yeah.
00:00:25.000 Yeah.
00:00:25.000 How'd you hear about it?
00:00:25.000 That's awesome.
00:00:26.000 They hit me up.
00:00:28.000 So they just started?
00:00:30.000 This is opening weekend.
00:00:30.000 Where's it at?
00:00:30.000 Yeah.
00:00:32.000 I don't know.
00:00:33.000 Oh, wow.
00:00:34.000 You don't even know where you're going.
00:00:35.000 No.
00:00:35.000 Did you just get here today?
00:00:36.000 I got here yesterday.
00:00:38.000 Did you walk around?
00:00:39.000 I walked a little bit.
00:00:41.000 Did you get any brisket?
00:00:42.000 Not yet.
00:00:43.000 That's tonight.
00:00:44.000 What did you do when you got here?
00:00:46.000 I went and got halal and then I went swimming.
00:00:49.000 Oh, okay.
00:00:50.000 Cool.
00:00:52.000 Check it out.
00:00:53.000 Yeah.
00:00:54.000 Wander around.
00:00:55.000 Who are you working with?
00:00:58.000 Fahim, Anwar, and Amir K. And I can't remember the rest of the lineup, but...
00:01:06.000 Yeah, that's it.
00:01:07.000 Yeah, Fahim did some shows with me and Chappelle at Stubbs, too.
00:01:11.000 There it is.
00:01:12.000 Is this the place?
00:01:12.000 Yep.
00:01:13.000 Where's it at, Jamie?
00:01:14.000 Downtown, 3rd Street.
00:01:15.000 Okay.
00:01:16.000 East side, I think, because it's East 3rd Street.
00:01:17.000 Nice.
00:01:18.000 Does it say how many people it seats?
00:01:19.000 It does not.
00:01:21.000 Nice.
00:01:22.000 Yeah, the guys who run it have been really great.
00:01:25.000 They've been really nice. 0.98
00:01:25.000 That's fucking awesome. 0.98
00:01:26.000 I'm excited. 0.98
00:01:27.000 And they love you.
00:01:28.000 What does Tim Dillon have to do with that?
00:01:30.000 Tim Dillon's on their page there. 0.99
00:01:32.000 Is he talking shit about them? 0.98
00:01:33.000 I think he's talking about the Austin scene. 1.00
00:01:36.000 Yeah, he's out here too.
00:01:38.000 Are you going to move here, Laura?
00:01:40.000 Not today, you know?
00:01:43.000 Are you thinking about it?
00:01:44.000 Never say never.
00:01:44.000 We'll see.
00:01:45.000 Never say never?
00:01:45.000 Are you considering it?
00:01:47.000 I mean, before this year, I would have said that I never wanted to leave L.A., but I also couldn't have imagined them shutting Hollywood down until further notice.
00:01:57.000 So I don't know what is going to happen next.
00:02:00.000 The district attorney, I think that's who it is, killed the gang task force, too.
00:02:05.000 That's the new thing, because apparently there's not enough crime.
00:02:08.000 He's like, how do we make it worse? 0.99
00:02:10.000 Let's kill the gang task force. 1.00
00:02:12.000 Is that the same task force that was like the dirty one? 0.99
00:02:17.000 The rampart one?
00:02:18.000 Oh, I don't think so.
00:02:19.000 I think that's a different one.
00:02:20.000 Maybe.
00:02:21.000 I don't think so, though.
00:02:23.000 Maybe it was dirty.
00:02:24.000 Maybe I'm looking into it the wrong way.
00:02:26.000 Just wondering.
00:02:27.000 I might be looking at it the wrong way.
00:02:27.000 You might be right.
00:02:29.000 I mean, if no one can leave their apartments anyway, what difference does it really make, you know?
00:02:35.000 My friend Eddie almost got jumped at a gas station two nights ago. 0.99
00:02:38.000 Damn. 0.99
00:02:39.000 Yeah, he pulled into a gas station and he got out of his car and some guy started walking backwards towards his car with hoodies on. 0.99
00:02:47.000 And he was like, what is going on here? 0.99
00:02:50.000 And then he's like, I'm getting back in my fucking car. 0.99
00:02:52.000 And then they just ran up to his car and he locked the car and took off. 0.99
00:02:56.000 Damn, I've been making people walk me to my car after shows because I accidentally caught a preview for the local news. 0.98
00:03:03.000 And it was like a woman being put down on her face on the sidewalk while two dudes robbed her. 0.99
00:03:08.000 And I was like, well, I can't forget that I've seen that image now.
00:03:12.000 So I guess I don't go places by myself anymore.
00:03:14.000 That's the thing that happens when you shut down the economy.
00:03:18.000 Not only did they shut down the economy, but they also handicapped the police officers.
00:03:25.000 Cops are terrified to arrest anybody.
00:03:27.000 I was talking to a friend that's a fireman who's friends with cops, and they were all discussing this, apparently, that they just don't know what to do.
00:03:36.000 They're scared to arrest people.
00:04:00.000 I've seen that.
00:04:04.000 Yeah, I'm laughing because I was with Dylan Sullivan last night and we walked to get food and there were like a bunch of junkies around and they kept just like appearing and I was getting really nervous and then we saw a cop car Across the street and we're like let's go be by the cop and we walked over to stand by the cop and I was like this is not very this is that's not a very popular mindset right now 0.94
00:04:34.000 to go and be near the cops yeah and I pictured someone spray-painting like fuck the police and me like doing a carrot mark and saying fuck yeah the police because we got so excited to see them we're like oh thank god the cops are here where were you at?
00:04:49.000 6th and a different street Yeah, there's that area around where the Vulcan Gas Company is that's a homeless shelter. 0.99
00:04:56.000 That's where we were.
00:04:57.000 We were parked right outside of Vulcan Gas Company.
00:05:00.000 Yeah.
00:05:01.000 Yeah.
00:05:02.000 One of the guys there tried to steal one of my security guy's car. 1.00
00:05:05.000 Damn. 0.99
00:05:07.000 The whole place down there is so weird. 1.00
00:05:09.000 It's funky.
00:05:11.000 And even though it's kind of like semi-dangerous, but their version of danger is just so different than the LA danger.
00:05:17.000 It's kind of cute danger.
00:05:19.000 You know, it's like just crazy homeless people.
00:05:22.000 It didn't feel cute.
00:05:23.000 And with all due respect, you're a lot more muscular than I am. 1.00
00:05:27.000 I don't think that people will fuck with you as fast as they'll fuck with me. 1.00
00:05:30.000 Well, you never know. 1.00
00:05:31.000 It's easy to get a gun here.
00:05:32.000 It's a different animal.
00:05:33.000 Yeah, we were parked before an alley, and people just started coming out of the alleys, and I was like, we gotta go somewhere else. 0.92
00:05:43.000 Well, COVID fucked everything up.
00:05:43.000 Yeah.
00:05:47.000 The pandemic fucked everything up. 0.74
00:05:48.000 It did not fuck up Austin. 0.98
00:05:49.000 It just fucked up Austin less than it... 1.00
00:05:53.000 Fucked LA up. 1.00
00:05:54.000 LA is fucked. 1.00
00:05:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:05:56.000 It's not just fucked. 1.00
00:05:57.000 I tell people about it, and they're like, come on, you're exaggerating. 1.00
00:06:00.000 And then they go, and then they call me and go, holy shit, dude. 0.96
00:06:03.000 It's unrecognizable. 0.99
00:06:04.000 Well, and it's fucked because if you're going to shut everything down, you have to give us a lot of money because rent is so obscene there that I think it's unimaginable for anyone who lives anywhere else to... 0.99
00:06:18.000 In the country. 0.99
00:06:18.000 I mean, it's so expensive. 0.99
00:06:20.000 I've been on unemployment for a year, which I've never applied for unemployment before in my entire life.
00:06:26.000 Like, you know how hard I work.
00:06:27.000 I'm not a handout person.
00:06:29.000 But if you're going to shut all the comedy clubs, like, and I was applying for jobs that I didn't even want on Indeed just to try to make some money because my unemployment covers less than half of my rent.
00:06:41.000 And I'm just like, what do you expect me to do?
00:06:44.000 And if I'm in a position where I, every month, am I going to be, how am I going to not be homeless?
00:06:51.000 I just can't imagine people who have it so much worse than I do.
00:06:55.000 Yeah, and there are a lot of people like that.
00:06:57.000 And there's also, like, it incentivizes people to do crime. 0.94
00:07:00.000 It really does, because they're like, I need to fucking get by. 0.57
00:07:03.000 I've got to figure this out.
00:07:05.000 And so people that were maybe on the cusp of trying to be a good person and maybe fell back into a life of crime.
00:07:11.000 It's just...
00:07:11.000 It's not good.
00:07:12.000 It's just...
00:07:13.000 The problem is when you have mayors and governors and these people that don't...
00:07:18.000 They don't have a vested interest in the economy booming.
00:07:21.000 Like, it doesn't matter to them.
00:07:23.000 Like, they get paid regardless.
00:07:26.000 You know?
00:07:26.000 So if their paycheck was dependent upon the economy...
00:07:32.000 Say if the governor and the mayor got paid a percentage of the gross revenues for the state, like 0.001% or whatever the fuck it is. 0.89
00:07:42.000 This is how you make your living. 0.84
00:07:43.000 Everybody has to do well.
00:07:44.000 And if you develop policies and you enact laws and legislations and rules, especially during this pandemic, that cripple businesses.
00:07:55.000 There's a way to keep businesses open and still keep people safe.
00:07:58.000 They've done it.
00:07:59.000 They've done it in other places.
00:08:00.000 But California, Florida's the crazy one, right?
00:08:00.000 Right.
00:08:04.000 We always look at Florida like those people are out of their mind. 1.00
00:08:06.000 They're crazy. 1.00
00:08:07.000 They're fucking alligators and hanging out in the streets. 1.00
00:08:10.000 But Florida has less COVID cases per capita. 1.00
00:08:13.000 They have less deaths per capita, and they're wide open.
00:08:16.000 Well, and we're not at the...
00:08:17.000 It's not last April anymore.
00:08:20.000 25% of Americans have received at least one shot of the vaccine.
00:08:20.000 Exactly.
00:08:25.000 The most vulnerable populations got the vaccine first, which doesn't make sense to me, but I'm not a doctor or a virologist.
00:08:32.000 Like, it makes sense on one level, and then it's very confusing to me on another level.
00:08:37.000 I'm like, I would think we would want to try it on...
00:08:39.000 Healthy people first, but that's neither here nor there.
00:08:41.000 They tested it on people before they tried it on the old folks. 0.99
00:08:44.000 The idea is the old folks are less likely to survive it if they get it. 1.00
00:08:48.000 Yeah.
00:08:49.000 But this was like the finish line, I thought. 0.99
00:08:53.000 I thought when the vaccine's out, we're going to pop shit back open. 0.99
00:08:57.000 That's what they did here. 0.99
00:08:59.000 And that's what they're doing in a lot of states.
00:09:00.000 That's what they did in Arizona.
00:09:02.000 The problem is, California, they've been feeding off that fear porn for like a full year, and they don't want to let it go.
00:09:09.000 I mean, they almost want the virus to be completely eradicated.
00:09:12.000 And the real fear is that what happens when the flu comes around?
00:09:15.000 What happens when a less dangerous virus comes around?
00:09:18.000 Are you going to reenact the same rules?
00:09:20.000 Are you going to just keep the economy crippled?
00:09:22.000 It's going to be Mad Max.
00:09:23.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:09:24.000 That fucking place is gonna be all tents and guns and fucking dogs and it's gonna be chaos. 0.99
00:09:29.000 It's really gnarly and it's interesting to me how little people allow for like incorporating new information and changing your mind about stuff especially at this point because there are people who still are like comics shouldn't be doing shows. 0.99
00:09:45.000 You know what?
00:09:46.000 Those people all don't do shows.
00:09:48.000 You ever notice that?
00:09:49.000 Those people, you shouldn't do shows? 1.00
00:09:50.000 You motherfuckers never did shows. 1.00
00:09:52.000 Those are all people that their career sucked and they weren't that good. 1.00
00:09:56.000 And they want people to stay home because part of them didn't like the fact that people were doing so many shows and doing so well.
00:10:03.000 There's not a lot of really good, successful comics that are saying people shouldn't be doing shows.
00:10:08.000 It's generally scrubs.
00:10:10.000 Yeah, for sure.
00:10:11.000 It's people who did it as a hobby.
00:10:13.000 And I don't think that you should get to have that opinion if you're not a professional comedian.
00:10:19.000 Like, what are you doing?
00:10:20.000 Unless you also are talking that way to all of your friends who have been working in offices.
00:10:25.000 And unless you have a better idea for someone than doing shows.
00:10:29.000 Like, I don't know how you can...
00:10:32.000 Expect people not to feel differently about this when we have more information.
00:10:38.000 We know more about this disease.
00:10:38.000 Yes.
00:10:40.000 We know more about how it's transmitted.
00:10:41.000 We know more about how deadly it is.
00:10:43.000 Yeah.
00:10:44.000 And it's interesting because there's so much misinformation that is being given to us.
00:10:51.000 We know that you don't have to be six feet apart and wear masks and be outside.
00:10:58.000 If you're outside, you're probably not going to give it to other people.
00:11:01.000 At all.
00:11:02.000 Yeah.
00:11:02.000 And if you're inside, you can wear masks.
00:11:05.000 You can do it and be safe.
00:11:07.000 They've been doing shows all across the country.
00:11:10.000 They haven't had these mass outbreaks that come out of these shows.
00:11:13.000 It hasn't happened.
00:11:14.000 Yeah.
00:11:15.000 Absolutely.
00:11:16.000 I mean, I did Vegas and I wore my mask when I wasn't on stage and I didn't get sick.
00:11:22.000 And so it's kind of like the more stuff I did and didn't get it, the more I was like, wait, this isn't...
00:11:28.000 I was under the impression that if I left my house, I was going to die.
00:11:32.000 Yeah, that's what they want you to think.
00:11:34.000 Have you been taking vitamins?
00:11:36.000 Obviously, you look great.
00:11:37.000 You lost a ton of weight.
00:11:39.000 You're super healthy.
00:11:39.000 Thank you.
00:11:40.000 I'm very proud of you.
00:11:41.000 Thank you so much.
00:11:42.000 It's really cool.
00:11:42.000 That's amazing.
00:11:43.000 Yeah, I take a lot of vitamins, including vitamin D. Are you taking D with an ionophore, like quercetin or curcumin or any of those things?
00:11:52.000 I don't know.
00:11:53.000 Okay, let me get you some quercetin, because quercetin increases the efficacy of zinc.
00:11:59.000 It gets it into your bloodstream better.
00:12:01.000 So D3, zinc, and an ionophore, particularly quercetin.
00:12:07.000 There's been studies done on quercetin and the way it impacts people's health with quercetin and zinc with COVID-19.
00:12:15.000 I'll send you a link.
00:12:16.000 Cool.
00:12:16.000 Thank you.
00:12:17.000 I mean, they told us that there was a virus killing obese people.
00:12:17.000 Yeah.
00:12:21.000 I was obese at the beginning of the pandemic, and so I lost weight.
00:12:25.000 Yeah.
00:12:26.000 To not be obese anymore.
00:12:27.000 And now I'm in a healthy weight range.
00:12:29.000 And they made obese people eligible for the vaccine.
00:12:32.000 And I wasn't eligible for the vaccine. 0.98
00:12:34.000 I was like, are you fucking kidding me? 0.99
00:12:35.000 Can't you wear like a fat suit? 1.00
00:12:37.000 Go get vaccinated?
00:12:38.000 I got vaccinated as a food worker.
00:12:41.000 I gave them my comedy store tax form.
00:12:44.000 And the lady was like, do you handle food? 1.00
00:12:46.000 And I was like, yeah, I do.
00:12:48.000 I handle food every day.
00:12:49.000 So I didn't...
00:12:50.000 I handle food too.
00:12:51.000 I didn't lie, but I didn't super tell the truth.
00:12:55.000 But we're not at the point now where we're just vaccinating the people who are most vulnerable.
00:13:00.000 Those people have had it for the most part.
00:13:03.000 Now we're back to ranking members of society from the most to least important.
00:13:07.000 And there's no one I can talk to about that and be like, well, listen, I'm getting on a plane.
00:13:12.000 I'm going to be flying.
00:13:14.000 I can't plead my case, but I can give them my tax form and get the vaccine.
00:13:19.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing when they tell you that your business is not essential.
00:13:19.000 So that's what I did.
00:13:23.000 And that's a weird thing.
00:13:24.000 It's like you're not worthy of the vaccine yet.
00:13:29.000 I get it with vulnerable people.
00:13:30.000 That does make sense to me.
00:13:32.000 And I do get it with frontline workers.
00:13:34.000 But after that, it's like, how do you decide who's getting this?
00:13:34.000 I get it.
00:13:38.000 It feels pretty essential to me.
00:13:40.000 Comedy's essential.
00:13:42.000 I think it's mental health.
00:13:43.000 I think it's very good for people.
00:13:45.000 Making people laugh is...
00:13:48.000 To me, I've gone to comedy shows and walked out and felt better.
00:13:51.000 I just took a drug.
00:13:52.000 Oh my god, yeah.
00:13:54.000 I didn't do stand-up for seven months and then did a show again and it was like I came back to life.
00:14:03.000 What was the first place you worked?
00:14:06.000 I don't remember what it was called.
00:14:08.000 Where was it?
00:14:09.000 In LA? Yeah.
00:14:10.000 Did you practice your stuff?
00:14:13.000 Did you go over your material?
00:14:14.000 How did you approach the show?
00:14:15.000 Well, I had written a lot of new material.
00:14:19.000 I had been writing in quarantine, but so much of that made no sense because it was written by an insane person because I lost my mind in my home. 0.74
00:14:30.000 So I'm writing shit that's specific to my apartment and also writing stuff about something that was on the news in March.
00:14:38.000 So by the time I went on stage and went and looked through it, I was like, this can never be seen by anybody. 0.94
00:14:44.000 So I did some stuff that was like new and then I did some old stuff.
00:14:50.000 People say it's like learning to ride a bike.
00:14:52.000 It's like learning to ride a bike and then not walking and then standing up and your legs have atrophy.
00:14:59.000 Like that first set was people were laughing and I had fun but I wouldn't try to sell it to HBO or anything, you know?
00:15:09.000 Yeah.
00:15:10.000 My first set I did...
00:15:11.000 What happened?
00:15:13.000 I just lost all sound.
00:15:17.000 I lost...
00:15:18.000 Oh, it just came back.
00:15:19.000 How weird.
00:15:21.000 Ghosts.
00:15:21.000 I could hear you the whole time.
00:15:22.000 Oh, that's so strange.
00:15:24.000 My first set I did the Houston Improv with Moses and Hinchcliffe.
00:15:30.000 And we did it in July.
00:15:32.000 But then I got paranoid that I was going to give it to somebody.
00:15:35.000 I was like, what if I get it and give it to somebody?
00:15:37.000 I wasn't as worried about getting it as I was giving it to somebody.
00:15:42.000 So I said, let me just take some time off.
00:15:43.000 And then I didn't do it again until Chappelle asked me to do these shows out here. 0.99
00:15:49.000 And I was like, fuck, alright, I'm living out here. 0.98
00:15:52.000 He's coming out here. 0.99
00:15:52.000 I'm going to do some shows. 0.99
00:15:53.000 And as soon as I started doing those, I'm like, fuck, I'm back. 0.98
00:15:56.000 That's exactly what happened to me. 0.97
00:15:58.000 I did that one show, and then the next night I did another one, and on the way to that show that night, I had this feeling that I hadn't felt in forever, and it was the joy of going to do it.
00:16:10.000 And I remembered that I used to have that feeling every single night when I would go to the comedy store, or when I would go do a show.
00:16:17.000 Because I never...
00:16:19.000 I never took it for granted.
00:16:21.000 I was always excited.
00:16:23.000 I was always happy.
00:16:24.000 I always looked around.
00:16:25.000 No, you always were. 0.97
00:16:26.000 I always looked around at the mountains and was like, damn, I'm in LA. I loved it. 0.89
00:16:32.000 It's happening.
00:16:33.000 You're doing it.
00:16:34.000 So I came back to life.
00:16:37.000 And I don't know. 0.98
00:16:38.000 It's interesting to me because it's like the same people who on National Suicide Day will post about How important mental health is and come talk to me if you ever feel sad this that and the other and now a year in it's like why are people not talking about mental health and why are those same people saying like you're a piece of shit if you go see your friends you know what I mean because like people are killing themselves They're killing themselves in record numbers.
00:17:03.000 Swartzen has a friend who works as a sheriff and said that they would get like one suicide a week back in the day and now they're getting five a week. 0.89
00:17:13.000 And they were just overwhelmed by the number.
00:17:17.000 It might have been one a month and now it's five a week.
00:17:19.000 But it's just, they're overwhelmed.
00:17:21.000 People are, they're not counting that in terms of like the amount of people that have drug overdoses and die because they're depressed.
00:17:27.000 They're not counting that.
00:17:29.000 And they think about the deaths and the toll.
00:17:31.000 And they're not counting like how many people's lives have gone from, you know, they created a business, they worked hard for years and years, and then it's just been taken away from them through no fault of their own.
00:17:43.000 Through no fault of their own.
00:17:44.000 And there's no severance for that.
00:17:48.000 My friend Katie is a nurse in Chicago, and I have been in contact through this whole thing.
00:17:56.000 And it was, I mean, her hospital was teeming with COVID patients.
00:18:00.000 She said now it's teeming with alcoholics who are having DTs, people who lost their jobs in September and And have been drinking themselves to death all day in their homes.
00:18:09.000 She said that she's never seen DTs this bad.
00:18:13.000 Like she said, it's crazy how many people are dying of alcoholism there.
00:18:17.000 Because they did.
00:18:18.000 They stopped having AA meetings.
00:18:20.000 Well, they're on Zoom.
00:18:22.000 They're on Zoom, but you have to have the password.
00:18:26.000 You have to know a guy.
00:18:27.000 And it's also just not the same thing.
00:18:30.000 And it's so inaccessible that it's costing people their lives.
00:18:34.000 Yeah, it's the undiscussed aspect of the pandemic.
00:18:40.000 You know, it's uncomfortable for people.
00:18:42.000 When they think about the cost of the pandemic, they want to think about how many people are going to get sick, how many people are going to be in the ICU. That's something we have to absolutely consider.
00:18:50.000 But you also have to consider what happens when you shut down...
00:18:53.000 The entire economy.
00:18:54.000 What are the other repercussions?
00:18:55.000 And here's the big question, because this is the big experiment.
00:18:59.000 How long is it going to take before LA bounces back? 0.99
00:19:02.000 Because LA is a big fucking city. 0.99
00:19:05.000 And where's the money going to come from? 0.99
00:19:07.000 Where are you going to have the money to open up all those businesses? 1.00
00:19:09.000 They lost 75% of their restaurants.
00:19:11.000 How is the store and the improv, how are they going to stay open for another year like this? 0.99
00:19:16.000 Because those goofy, draconian motherfuckers that are keeping that place locked down, they're not going to let it open. 0.99
00:19:22.000 They're going to maybe let them do some outside shows eventually. 0.98
00:19:25.000 But right now, indoor shows are out of the question.
00:19:29.000 So how long is it going to take?
00:19:30.000 It's going to take unless people specifically talk about that in the recall for Gavin Newsom, specifically talk about comedy clubs.
00:19:37.000 Until they do that, they're not going to...
00:19:39.000 People are specifically talking about restaurants.
00:19:41.000 So they opened up restaurants again.
00:19:42.000 He's panicking.
00:19:43.000 Because they're worried about him getting recalled.
00:19:46.000 Because they've gathered enough votes now.
00:19:48.000 Isn't the comedy store classified as a restaurant?
00:19:51.000 No, it's not.
00:19:52.000 No, it's not.
00:19:53.000 What makes a restaurant?
00:19:54.000 I mean, they serve food there.
00:19:55.000 What's a restaurant?
00:19:56.000 Yeah, I think you need 51% of your money to come from food and drinks versus ticket prices.
00:20:04.000 Something like that.
00:20:04.000 Something wacky along those lines.
00:20:06.000 But it was when comics were doing sets in the window.
00:20:12.000 Yeah.
00:20:12.000 I don't know what classifies it as a restaurant, but the problem is the live performance.
00:20:18.000 And the idea of comedy is you're all laughing.
00:20:20.000 So when you're like, they're telling people not to scream at Disneyland.
00:20:25.000 Do you know that?
00:20:26.000 Yeah.
00:20:26.000 Yeah.
00:20:26.000 They told me when you go on rides, don't scream.
00:20:28.000 Like, okay.
00:20:30.000 I'm going to mime it.
00:20:31.000 I'm going to...
00:20:33.000 That's so... 0.89
00:20:34.000 They also tell you to keep your arms and hands down and no one ever fucking does that. 0.70
00:20:37.000 No one ever does that, right. 0.92
00:20:38.000 Yeah, I hope people scream instead of protest.
00:20:40.000 They're probably going to stop people from screaming, though.
00:20:42.000 They're probably going to tell people.
00:20:43.000 Because, you know, look, they don't want an inspector to come there and say, hey, people are screaming, we're going to shut this place down. 0.95
00:20:50.000 Disneyland's been closed for a fucking year, and they're losing some insane amount of money. 0.95
00:20:54.000 It's like $300 million a day or something crazy. 0.99
00:20:57.000 Yeah.
00:20:58.000 It's nuts.
00:20:59.000 I might have made that number. 1.00
00:21:00.000 I pulled that right out of my ass. 0.99
00:21:02.000 How much money is Disneyland losing per day while Disneyland's being closed? 1.00
00:21:06.000 I think it might be $100 million.
00:21:08.000 I really do.
00:21:10.000 Isn't that what it costs for a churro at Disneyland?
00:21:13.000 Isn't a churro at Disneyland $100 million?
00:21:15.000 It's less than that.
00:21:16.000 It's less than that.
00:21:18.000 Yeah, there's gotta...
00:21:19.000 Let's guess.
00:21:21.000 I say $100 million.
00:21:22.000 What do you say?
00:21:24.000 I'll say $50 million.
00:21:26.000 Okay.
00:21:26.000 I like what you're doing.
00:21:27.000 Price is right.
00:21:28.000 Let's go.
00:21:29.000 I just have no idea.
00:21:31.000 $100 million seems...
00:21:32.000 If you guessed a million, I would have been like, maybe...
00:21:35.000 I would have probably guessed half of that.
00:21:36.000 That just seems like so much money.
00:21:38.000 It's way more than a million.
00:21:39.000 Disneyland is huge. 0.98
00:21:41.000 And it's really fucking expensive. 0.93
00:21:43.000 And then you got Disneyland and California Adventure all in the same park. 0.97
00:21:46.000 I can count on one hand the amount of times I've had more than $2,000 at once in my life.
00:21:51.000 So I don't have a concept of what a million dollars is.
00:21:55.000 It's a lot of money.
00:21:56.000 But it's not a lot of money if you're running Disneyland. 0.99
00:21:58.000 I mean, that's probably their fucking rent. 0.97
00:22:02.000 What do you got, Jamie? 0.99
00:22:03.000 It's giving me just Disney's overall...
00:22:04.000 Disney's a gigantic company, so it's not breaking it down just for Disneyland, unfortunately.
00:22:08.000 Did you write, Disneyland is losing...
00:22:10.000 Yes, yes.
00:22:11.000 So now I'm looking...
00:22:12.000 How much is Disneyland's daily revenue?
00:22:12.000 Per day?
00:22:15.000 No, no, no.
00:22:16.000 Just say, how much is Disneyland losing per day?
00:22:18.000 It's adding it all together with Disney, the company, and how much they lost in China, and Orlando, and the TV channels, and all that stuff.
00:22:24.000 Did you write Disneyland?
00:22:25.000 Yes. 1.00
00:22:26.000 Fuckers. 1.00
00:22:27.000 I know there was an article. 1.00
00:22:29.000 Jamie will get it.
00:22:30.000 I know you will.
00:22:31.000 I have faith.
00:22:32.000 There's gotta be like a middle ground, you know? 0.97
00:22:36.000 Yeah, like let people do whatever the fuck they want. 0.98
00:22:38.000 Like let people do whatever the fuck they want. 0.98
00:22:41.000 And like put those little dots where people can stand a little bit further apart. 0.97
00:22:44.000 I think we should have been doing that anyway.
00:22:46.000 I've always thought handshaking was disgusting.
00:22:48.000 I think we should all stop shaking hands for the rest of our lives.
00:22:51.000 When I was looking back at my old material, I found two separate bits I tried to write about how shaking hands is nasty.
00:22:59.000 What?
00:23:00.000 Before COVID, I didn't even realize I felt that strongly about it, except that I did.
00:23:05.000 I was always like a fist bumper or like, better yet, don't touch me. 0.99
00:23:09.000 After shows, you don't have to fucking touch me, dude. 0.99
00:23:12.000 I've had men kiss me on my mouth after shows. 0.99
00:23:16.000 I've had people grab my stomach after shows.
00:23:19.000 People put their hands on me and try to touch me, and I'm like, it's germs.
00:23:24.000 Men have kissed you on your mouth?
00:23:25.000 How many?
00:23:27.000 One.
00:23:28.000 Took me a while to add that up.
00:23:30.000 Well, I tried to fish.
00:23:32.000 I was like, I mean, men have kissed me on my face. 0.99
00:23:34.000 One guy kissed me on my mouth, but I was pushing him off of me and yelling, stop, what the fuck are you doing? 0.97
00:23:40.000 And like the people with him were like laughing. 1.00
00:23:43.000 And I was like, what the fuck is your problem? 1.00
00:23:45.000 I snapped on him. 1.00
00:23:46.000 I yelled at him.
00:23:47.000 And then I didn't shake anyone's hands after that.
00:23:50.000 That's the difference between being a woman comic and being a male comic. 1.00
00:23:53.000 Dudes have never tried to kiss me.
00:23:54.000 I've never had a guy try to kiss me.
00:23:56.000 I honestly don't even believe you.
00:23:58.000 I feel like dudes have tried to kiss you.
00:24:00.000 I feel like you've probably been kissed on the mouth by more women after your shows.
00:24:03.000 30 or 40 guys.
00:24:04.000 A couple women have tried to kiss me. 1.00
00:24:05.000 There you go.
00:24:06.000 But it's not threatening.
00:24:07.000 That's the difference.
00:24:08.000 It's not dangerous.
00:24:08.000 That's just because you're into it.
00:24:09.000 Just because you're into it doesn't mean...
00:24:11.000 No, it's not dangerous.
00:24:12.000 They can't really rape me.
00:24:14.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:24:16.000 I feel threatened on your behalf, but I respect your right to feel safe.
00:24:20.000 Thank you very much.
00:24:21.000 I appreciate you feeling threatened on my behalf.
00:24:23.000 But my point is, like, a woman is not physically scary to me.
00:24:26.000 Yeah.
00:24:27.000 Where a man is physically scary to a woman. 0.63
00:24:29.000 Here it goes.
00:24:30.000 Deep info.
00:24:32.000 Okay, here it goes.
00:24:34.000 12 million per day.
00:24:35.000 Wow, I'm way off.
00:24:36.000 Yeah.
00:24:37.000 That's just for Disneyland, though.
00:24:39.000 $12 million per day based on $200 million.
00:24:44.000 Coronavirus closures cost Disneyland $7.9 million per day and Disneyland California Adventure $4.1 million per day. 0.98
00:24:52.000 Damn, I didn't realize.
00:24:54.000 So when you start adding it all up, it starts getting to be more and more. 0.98
00:24:57.000 Walt Disney World in Florida lost $25 million per day.
00:25:00.000 It's way bigger though.
00:25:01.000 Oh, interesting.
00:25:02.000 Magic Kingdom, $8.8 million per day.
00:25:05.000 Animal Kingdom, $5.8 million per day.
00:25:07.000 Epcot, $5.2 million.
00:25:09.000 And Hollywood Studios, $4.8 million.
00:25:12.000 Okay, I was way off.
00:25:14.000 I was gonna go with a billion a day.
00:25:15.000 How about that?
00:25:16.000 A billion?
00:25:17.000 So what is it, 14?
00:25:19.000 14 million a day?
00:25:19.000 Is that what it said?
00:25:21.000 That's still a shitload of money.
00:25:23.000 Add that over 365 days and you got a lot of cheddar.
00:25:27.000 So that's three...
00:25:29.000 250 million a week.
00:25:30.000 Yeah.
00:25:31.000 Yeah.
00:25:32.000 That's billions. 1.00
00:25:33.000 Damn. 1.00
00:25:34.000 Billions of dollars. 1.00
00:25:35.000 Just because someone told them they have to shut up.
00:25:38.000 I mean, they would have definitely lost money, period.
00:25:40.000 There's no way to not lose some money.
00:25:42.000 Everybody lost some money, but to lose that much money is just preposterous.
00:25:46.000 Well, and then if you think about those workers, think about how much they could possibly be collecting in unemployment, and it's got to be a hundred bucks a week.
00:25:56.000 I mean, it's got to be so low if they were minimum wage workers.
00:26:00.000 Because you just get a fraction of that.
00:26:02.000 And where can you live on $100 a week?
00:26:05.000 Where can you pay rent?
00:26:06.000 What closet can you rent?
00:26:09.000 I'm not talking about having your own apartment.
00:26:11.000 I'm saying where can you live for that amount of money?
00:26:13.000 You can't.
00:26:14.000 You can't.
00:26:15.000 You have to live with your parents and you have to hope they can pay their mortgage.
00:26:18.000 It's interesting, like, what we just did there is basically what's happening in California in terms of fear of COVID. Like, when there's a person that ramps it up so high, like $100 million a day, you came at $50 million a day.
00:26:35.000 Right?
00:26:36.000 That was your estimate after I came in with $100 million a day.
00:26:38.000 Meanwhile, we're both way off.
00:26:41.000 That's, in a sense, in California, everyone's like, we're all going to die.
00:26:46.000 Everyone's going to die.
00:26:47.000 And then if you're reasonable, you're like, no, only like 30% of us are going to die.
00:26:51.000 And then you're like, wait a minute, it's not even that.
00:26:53.000 30% would be wild.
00:26:55.000 That's what the bubonic plague killed.
00:26:57.000 Well, that was what a lot of people were seriously worried about.
00:26:59.000 Really?
00:27:00.000 I've had people express to me today that 5% of people that get COVID die.
00:27:04.000 I'm like, bro, that's not possible.
00:27:06.000 That's not true.
00:27:08.000 It's not true.
00:27:08.000 It's less than 1%.
00:27:09.000 And then you also have the problem of die from COVID or die with COVID because most people who die have an average of 2.6 comorbidities.
00:27:20.000 And I think they've recently elevated that.
00:27:22.000 I think it's more than that now.
00:27:24.000 Which means they have either diabetes or some other cancer, some other disease that makes them extremely vulnerable.
00:27:31.000 Then they get COVID and then they die of it.
00:27:33.000 Doesn't mean you should minimize the fact they died and COVID definitely killed them because if it wasn't for COVID, they would have probably stayed alive.
00:27:39.000 But they were not doing good already.
00:27:42.000 And that's a lot of us.
00:27:43.000 That's the problem. 1.00
00:27:44.000 And they don't fucking say shit about that. 1.00
00:27:46.000 They don't say shit about, you should take vitamins. 0.99
00:27:48.000 You should exercise. 0.98
00:27:49.000 Like, you took it upon yourself to lose weight.
00:27:52.000 And that's really important because almost 80% of the people that were hospitalized from COVID were obese.
00:27:59.000 Almost 80%.
00:28:00.000 It was like 78%.
00:28:01.000 That's what my friend Katie said.
00:28:04.000 You know, I asked her what she was seeing in Chicago.
00:28:07.000 And she said that it was obese men and people of color. 0.98
00:28:12.000 People call her it because of vitamin D. Really?
00:28:15.000 Yeah, because darker folks, their melanin actually protects them from the sun but makes them generate less vitamin D. My friend who's a doctor worked in New York and he said he would experience, when they were testing folks, he would experience some folks that were black that had undetectable levels of vitamin D. I think? 1.00
00:28:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:28:39.000 I think?
00:28:54.000 Well, what they should have been is given vitamin D, you know?
00:28:57.000 I mean, and not just given vitamin D, but everybody should have been told from the beginning.
00:29:01.000 Like, vitamin D plays a critical role.
00:29:03.000 84% of the people that were in the ICU with COVID were deficient in vitamin D. Only 4% had sufficient levels of vitamin D. People that were in the ICU with COVID. And that's a big problem with the entire country because human beings aren't designed to be indoors.
00:29:19.000 This is not normal.
00:29:20.000 To be covered with clothes. 1.00
00:29:21.000 We're supposed to be outside doing shit. 0.99
00:29:23.000 That's how the human body evolved over hundreds of thousands of years. 0.98
00:29:27.000 So this whole environment that we're living in is terrible for the generation of vitamin D. The only other way to get vitamin D is to take it in pill form.
00:29:37.000 That's the only other way.
00:29:38.000 You either get it from the sun, your body generates it, or you have to take it.
00:29:41.000 There's no other way to get it.
00:29:42.000 It's actually a hormone.
00:29:44.000 Vitamin D is a hormone.
00:29:45.000 It's not even really a vitamin.
00:29:46.000 It's a crazy and it's responsible for so many things.
00:29:49.000 It's responsible for brain function, muscle growth, your immune system.
00:29:54.000 But they don't tell you that.
00:29:56.000 You don't see Gercetti on TV saying, folks, this is what we found out.
00:30:01.000 Look at these charts and statistics about people that have suffered from it.
00:30:05.000 It's really important to take vitamin D. They didn't say that.
00:30:08.000 Yeah, I did all that.
00:30:09.000 I went outside and I started taking it and I lost weight.
00:30:14.000 I didn't want to...
00:30:15.000 And I haven't gotten it.
00:30:17.000 Good.
00:30:19.000 Aren't you happy you lost weight?
00:30:20.000 Don't you feel like lighter?
00:30:21.000 I feel lighter.
00:30:22.000 That's exactly how I feel.
00:30:24.000 Like you're moving around?
00:30:24.000 Yeah, dude.
00:30:25.000 Well, it's like...
00:30:27.000 It's equivalent to like eight bags of potatoes.
00:30:29.000 And if I think about what it would be like to carry that around in a backpack like through an airport and then get to set it down.
00:30:37.000 Take one of those 45 pound plates. 0.99
00:30:39.000 That's a heavy fucking weight. 0.99
00:30:41.000 Like you put on a barbell, one of those big ones. 1.00
00:30:45.000 That's what you lost.
00:30:46.000 My ankle weights and my hand weights together are 20 pounds.
00:30:50.000 And if I think about carrying that times two, or even across a room, I would be tired.
00:30:58.000 And that's what you were doing.
00:30:59.000 And I feel so much...
00:31:02.000 I mean, I had had back pain from the time that I was a teenager.
00:31:02.000 Better.
00:31:06.000 I'd had joint pain.
00:31:07.000 And I thought that I was just going to have it for my whole life because I didn't think I was heavy enough that it was affecting my joints.
00:31:14.000 And that pain is all gone.
00:31:18.000 And it makes sense to me.
00:31:19.000 Because again, if I carry around a heavy bag through an airport, my back will hurt at the end of the day, if I do that right now.
00:31:25.000 And to have to carry that weight around everywhere I go, everything I do, even just sitting, having that extra weight, I just don't want it back.
00:31:35.000 And I think part of it might be, because I stopped eating flour and sugar, which I've heard are inflammatory as well, so I think part of it might be that.
00:31:42.000 But the other thing is just getting to set down the weight.
00:31:45.000 I feel awesome.
00:31:46.000 I think both are factors, yeah, for sure.
00:31:48.000 It's just logical that the weight's a factor, but for sure sugar and flour and any processed foods like that cause inflammation.
00:31:48.000 I mean, definitely.
00:31:56.000 So what did you do for exercise?
00:31:59.000 I play tennis and swim and I do workouts that Stacia Patwell created.
00:32:06.000 She was a comic, she ran a show at the store and she's a trainer and she started doing these classes on Zoom for female comics and a bunch of us have had before and after transformations where like a bunch of fat comics have gotten hot because of her workouts and She's onto something dude.
00:32:27.000 She's so fucking funny and she can like work you out for an hour where I'm just like laughing. 1.00
00:32:33.000 I feel like I'm hanging out with a friend and she has this specific brand of tough love where she'll like she'll call she'll call me a pussy like right before I'm about to drop out of a plank and she'll be like the world has enough pussies. 1.00
00:32:45.000 Don't be a bitch. 1.00
00:32:46.000 Don't bitch out. 1.00
00:32:47.000 What is her name again? 0.99
00:32:48.000 Stacia Patwell.
00:32:50.000 S-T-A-S-I-A-P-A-T-W-E-L-L. Does she have an Instagram?
00:32:53.000 Yeah, and her Instagram is just that.
00:32:55.000 It's all one word.
00:32:56.000 Jamie will find it. 1.00
00:32:57.000 She's a fucking monster, and she called her thing School of Thought. 1.00
00:33:01.000 T-H-O-T. Oh, T-H-O-T, that's hilarious! 1.00
00:33:03.000 School of Thought! 0.98
00:33:04.000 She's a beast, dude. 1.00
00:33:05.000 Is that her right there? 1.00
00:33:06.000 Yeah, she has the transformations in her highlights. 0.98
00:33:09.000 All right. 0.81
00:33:10.000 She's so fucking funny, dude. 0.98
00:33:12.000 She's nostalgic for Boston in the 90s right now. 0.98
00:33:15.000 Yeah, she'll yell at you in her, like, Long Island accent and something about it. 0.99
00:33:21.000 I wouldn't tolerate half the shit she says to me from... 1.00
00:33:25.000 Someone that wasn't funny. 1.00
00:33:27.000 Oh, there I am.
00:33:28.000 Look at that.
00:33:29.000 Oopsie doopsie.
00:33:30.000 Bitsy's in a bra.
00:33:31.000 Uh-oh.
00:33:32.000 Go to the far right.
00:33:32.000 Look at her.
00:33:33.000 Dude, you lost so much weight.
00:33:35.000 That's crazy.
00:33:36.000 Got my little cats in the background that I adopted so I wouldn't open my wrists in a bathtub.
00:33:40.000 There we go.
00:33:41.000 There she is.
00:33:42.000 I did not know I was that fat.
00:33:44.000 Boy, do I have egg on my face.
00:33:46.000 What did you think?
00:33:51.000 I thought I had 25 pounds to lose.
00:33:54.000 And so I set, I mean, I'm comfortable talking about numbers.
00:33:58.000 So my top weight was 180. I set my goal weight at 155. And now I'm 142.5.
00:34:04.000 And I'm not, I'm in a healthy weight range.
00:34:07.000 So if my body stops like easily losing weight, then I'll be like, okay, this is the weight that my body wants to be.
00:34:13.000 But I'm still losing weight and it's not protesting.
00:34:17.000 I'm certainly not starving myself.
00:34:19.000 That's awesome.
00:34:20.000 Yeah.
00:34:21.000 So it was just a matter of eating the right food and just forcing yourself to do rigorous exercise.
00:34:26.000 Yeah.
00:34:27.000 I joined a support group for overeaters and I weigh, measure, and write down every single thing I put in my body and eat balanced portions that were given to me by a dietician.
00:34:40.000 So I measure out like...
00:34:42.000 Protein, grains, fruits and vegetables, fats.
00:34:45.000 And then my goal that I try for is to be in a caloric deficit of about 250 calories a day, which averages out to about a half a pound a week of weight loss.
00:34:57.000 And I don't do it perfectly, but that's enough where I'm not starving all the time.
00:35:02.000 I'm satiated, so it's sustainable, but I'm also steadily losing weight.
00:35:09.000 I haven't had pizza in a year.
00:35:12.000 I haven't had any added flour, any added sugar in 10 months.
00:35:18.000 Well, you're a disciplined person.
00:35:20.000 I really admire your work ethic.
00:35:22.000 I know I've told you this before, because you would come to the store with your notebooks.
00:35:26.000 I'm like, look at you. 0.99
00:35:27.000 Your notebook is like, you're fucking like meticulous. 1.00
00:35:30.000 Like all your shit would be like super written out. 1.00
00:35:32.000 And so many comics are so impulsive and sort of scatterbrained and they don't focus. 1.00
00:35:39.000 And I really admire that you're focused.
00:35:41.000 I always admired that.
00:35:43.000 I thought it was cool.
00:35:44.000 Thank you so much.
00:35:44.000 I admire that about you too.
00:35:46.000 So that means so much coming from you.
00:35:48.000 I admire your work ethic.
00:35:50.000 Yeah, I pretty much like took the energy that I had been putting into stand-up and just applied that same thing to this. 0.97
00:35:58.000 Because it's like, if you really want to do something, why fuck around? 0.97
00:36:02.000 Why waste the effort? 0.99
00:36:03.000 Like, what would be the point?
00:36:05.000 And I spent so long trying to like...
00:36:10.000 Yeah.
00:36:33.000 Yeah.
00:36:35.000 Yeah.
00:36:48.000 I mean, yeah.
00:37:06.000 If you could take the energy, the good that you feel from losing weight and getting healthy and just somehow or another put it in a VR. Put it in someone's head.
00:37:17.000 Just fucking feel this. 0.99
00:37:19.000 Just feel this. 0.99
00:37:19.000 Ready? 0.99
00:37:19.000 Put it on. 0.99
00:37:20.000 Like, oh my god, I feel so good.
00:37:21.000 You can get there.
00:37:22.000 You can get there.
00:37:24.000 But the problem is everybody wants to get there so quick.
00:37:26.000 They want to get there immediately.
00:37:28.000 They want to take a pill.
00:37:29.000 They want to listen to Dr. Oz.
00:37:30.000 They want to get there quick. 0.99
00:37:31.000 You can't fucking get there quick. 0.97
00:37:33.000 It doesn't work. 0.98
00:37:34.000 And the crazy thing is you've got to get sick the same way or you've got to get better the same way you got sick.
00:37:41.000 It takes time to get overweight and it takes time to lose weight.
00:37:45.000 You're not going to just starve yourself and lose it all because your body is going to go into deficit.
00:37:50.000 You're going to freak out.
00:37:51.000 Your metabolism is going to crash.
00:37:53.000 Then when you eat, you're going to pack it on quick because your body is going to be like, oh my God, we might starve to death.
00:37:58.000 I have to slow my metabolism down.
00:38:00.000 I think a huge part of it too is like the action has to be the reward.
00:38:00.000 Yeah.
00:38:05.000 So like I love doing my workouts because she makes me laugh.
00:38:09.000 It's built right into my routine.
00:38:11.000 I eat my oatmeal.
00:38:12.000 I meditate and then I do one of her workouts and it feels good.
00:38:17.000 It feels good for my body and the same thing with food.
00:38:22.000 Like I don't eat Most of my favorite foods from before anymore.
00:38:27.000 But I love everything I do eat because I've learned how to cook stuff.
00:38:32.000 Brown rice, vegetables, proteins.
00:38:34.000 I've learned how to cook food the way that it tastes good to me.
00:38:38.000 And so I'm not doing workouts I hate.
00:38:40.000 I'm not eating food that I hate.
00:38:41.000 And so it's sustainable.
00:38:44.000 That's awesome. 0.68
00:38:46.000 You got crazy.
00:38:47.000 It's sustainable. 0.99
00:38:51.000 Everybody gets electrocuted.
00:38:53.000 Yeah, it's good to see.
00:38:54.000 I'm very happy for you.
00:38:55.000 Thank you. 0.98
00:38:56.000 You got that heavy fucking Midwest accent, that Chicago accent, right? 0.99
00:39:00.000 Is that where you're from? 0.99
00:39:01.000 Where are you from?
00:39:02.000 I'm from Milwaukee.
00:39:03.000 Yeah, it's that same thing, that Midwest.
00:39:05.000 You know, just like you could tell, you know?
00:39:08.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:39:09.000 I mean, it's funny.
00:39:12.000 I don't hear it, you know?
00:39:14.000 I think you have it less now than when I met you.
00:39:17.000 How long have you been at the store?
00:39:20.000 I got passed seven months before COVID. Here's a good story.
00:39:26.000 Laura was on stage once and Bert Kreischer and I were coming from...
00:39:31.000 We did a show in the main room.
00:39:32.000 Then we had a couple of cocktails in the Comedians Bar.
00:39:34.000 And we're hanging out.
00:39:35.000 We were walking by.
00:39:36.000 And just on a whim, we decided to walk into the OR. And you were fucking slaying. 1.00
00:39:43.000 And there was like maybe... 1.00
00:39:45.000 I don't know.
00:39:46.000 How many people were in there?
00:39:47.000 15?
00:39:47.000 10?
00:39:48.000 Something like that.
00:39:49.000 And it doubled by the time your set was over.
00:39:52.000 And we were howling.
00:39:54.000 And I remember we came up to you afterwards.
00:39:55.000 I even put it on my Instagram.
00:39:57.000 I put it on my Instagram how funny you were.
00:39:59.000 And then Adam got super excited because he loves you.
00:40:03.000 Adam Egan.
00:40:03.000 We were all talking about it.
00:40:05.000 But those moments are so important to me.
00:40:09.000 When you see someone in front of a small crowd...
00:40:12.000 That is on late at night. 1.00
00:40:15.000 And that fucking audience has seen everything. 0.99
00:40:18.000 They've been there, a lot of those people have been there from the beginning of the night. 1.00
00:40:20.000 So they've been there from 8 o'clock.
00:40:22.000 And here we were, what was it, like 1 or something like that?
00:40:25.000 Yeah.
00:40:25.000 It was late.
00:40:26.000 And here we were at 1 a.m. 0.77
00:40:29.000 and you were killing. 0.81
00:40:31.000 And I was like, wow.
00:40:33.000 That's...
00:40:34.000 That's...
00:40:36.000 That's the real thing.
00:40:37.000 Those are the moments of the beginning.
00:40:41.000 Those are the roots of a real career.
00:40:43.000 Thank you so much.
00:40:45.000 It's so funny because I am so glad that I didn't know that you and Burt were watching.
00:40:51.000 Because I remember that set.
00:40:55.000 And I remember I was trying new stuff.
00:40:57.000 And I remember talking to audience members...
00:41:00.000 Like, I tried a punchline and it didn't work.
00:41:02.000 And I remember having a conversation with them about it and being like, did that not work?
00:41:07.000 Did you not get it?
00:41:08.000 Like, do you not know what I meant?
00:41:10.000 Or did you get it and you didn't think it was funny?
00:41:13.000 And they were like, we don't really know what you're talking about.
00:41:15.000 And so I explained it and then changed that joke or cut that joke.
00:41:21.000 But I would never, if I knew you guys were watching...
00:41:24.000 I would have done a polished 15 minutes.
00:41:27.000 I would have done my best material.
00:41:30.000 So, thank you.
00:41:32.000 I mean, you're very generous and you're very kind because that wasn't like a... 0.67
00:41:37.000 It was not a TV-ready set I was fucking around. 0.88
00:41:39.000 It didn't have to be. 0.98
00:41:40.000 It was late night at the store.
00:41:41.000 You're better off not doing a TV-ready set because they've already seen everything polished.
00:41:46.000 That was one of the good things about it.
00:41:46.000 They want real.
00:41:48.000 He's like, why didn't that fucking joke work? 0.99
00:41:51.000 And you were just loose. 1.00
00:41:53.000 You were loose and you were angry and it was raw.
00:41:57.000 We were laughing hard.
00:41:59.000 We laughed really hard.
00:42:01.000 Thank you.
00:42:01.000 We both talked about it afterwards.
00:42:03.000 I'm like, damn, she's fucking good. 0.99
00:42:05.000 I still love comedy. 1.00
00:42:07.000 I still love watching new people.
00:42:10.000 I still love it.
00:42:12.000 I've been doing it for so long, but I still love watching the process.
00:42:18.000 I still love Kill Tony.
00:42:19.000 I love watching those new people do one minute. 0.99
00:42:21.000 I love when they kill. 0.99
00:42:23.000 I love it. 0.65
00:42:25.000 It reignites my passion for it.
00:42:29.000 Yeah, I was talking to Dylan Sullivan about that last night about how the OR was so fun because you can watch...
00:42:40.000 People be so funny and you can watch them bomb, being hilarious at like one in the morning. 0.99
00:42:47.000 And those are my two favorite things about stand-up, are watching people be hilarious and then separately watching them eat shit is hilarious. 0.96
00:42:54.000 To watch someone tell a joke to a bunch of people and have no one laugh, it's hilarious. 0.98
00:43:00.000 It's hilarious.
00:43:01.000 That makes me the most uncomfortable.
00:43:03.000 Oh my God.
00:43:04.000 The worst thing is when you go on the road and you don't pick your opening acts.
00:43:08.000 I started bringing people on the road with me for two reasons.
00:43:11.000 One, because I wanted someone to hang out with selfishly.
00:43:15.000 Also, I wanted my friends to get work.
00:43:17.000 I got to a point where I could hire people to come with me.
00:43:22.000 When someone is terrible and they go on before you, you get confused.
00:43:26.000 You're like, oh my god, maybe comedy doesn't work.
00:43:28.000 Maybe it's not real.
00:43:29.000 Maybe nothing's funny.
00:43:30.000 Like sometimes you'd be in like Florida or something like that and Tampa, and not to single out Tampa, but someone would go on stage and they'd be so bad.
00:43:39.000 I worked at one time with this guy who's the middle act was so bad that I was baffled.
00:43:43.000 I was like, I don't think there's anything funny.
00:43:46.000 Like I had to close myself.
00:43:46.000 There's nothing funny.
00:43:48.000 Have you ever been to Tampa? 0.99
00:43:50.000 The fucking green room's on the third floor. 0.99
00:43:50.000 No. 0.99
00:43:53.000 So there's three floors. 0.99
00:43:54.000 So I would close myself in the green room and then have to time out when this fucking guy was getting off stage and then run down to the bottom because I couldn't listen. 1.00
00:44:04.000 Because if you listen to a bad act, it'll fuck your head up. 0.99
00:44:08.000 It really will. 0.99
00:44:10.000 Because your timing will be off.
00:44:11.000 There's a thing called...
00:44:13.000 I don't know if this is real, but I read about it once.
00:44:15.000 No, I didn't read about it once.
00:44:17.000 Someone was talking about it.
00:44:18.000 I never researched it.
00:44:19.000 It's called Allophrenia.
00:44:21.000 And the idea was that if you talk to someone who's schizophrenic, Like if you talk to them long enough, it's possible that you could start exhibiting signs of schizophrenia.
00:44:31.000 So I think the conversation was someone was talking about visiting someone in the hospital and that there's been cases where people go to visit people who are schizophrenic and they spend time with that person and then the staff starts looking at them and goes,
00:44:46.000 hey, are you okay?
00:44:47.000 Like, you start acting fucking weird, because you're around this person. 0.99
00:44:50.000 Maybe it's someone you love or care about, and you're there with them, and they're out of their fucking mind. 0.99
00:44:56.000 And the idea... 0.99
00:44:58.000 Look up allofrenia, see if that's real. 0.67
00:45:00.000 Yeah, it's called a shared psychotic disorder.
00:45:02.000 There we go.
00:45:02.000 It changes it, too.
00:45:03.000 Okay.
00:45:06.000 A shared psychotic disorder is a rare type of mental illness in which a healthy person starts to take on the delusions of someone who has a psychotic disorder such as schizophrenia.
00:45:15.000 For example, let's say your spouse has a psychotic disorder and as a part of that illness believes aliens are spying on them.
00:45:22.000 What?
00:45:22.000 Hey!
00:45:23.000 Why is this so fucking specific? 0.95
00:45:26.000 Trying to tell me something, Jamie? 0.98
00:45:27.000 If you have a shared psychotic disorder, you'll start to believe in the spying aliens, but apart from that, your thoughts and behavior are normal.
00:45:34.000 People with psychotic disorders have trouble staying in touch with reality and often can't handle daily life.
00:45:39.000 The most obvious symptoms are hallucinations, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:45:42.000 So...
00:45:44.000 I almost feel like that happens when you watch bad comedy. 0.97
00:45:47.000 Like, you will absorb whatever fucking craziness that makes them think that material's any good. 0.98
00:45:54.000 And it scares the shit out of me. 0.99
00:45:55.000 Something new?
00:45:57.000 It can happen in groups of people.
00:46:00.000 Groups of people.
00:46:01.000 So cults.
00:46:02.000 Or being in a comedy show and watching it together.
00:46:05.000 That reminds me of another phenomenon.
00:46:08.000 They did a study called Being Sane in Insane Places where a person who was sane checked into a mental hospital and they had to end the study early because the psychological damage that the person endured was so great that it became unethical.
00:46:24.000 So he would be like...
00:46:25.000 He would just ask a nurse, like, hey, could I have a piece of paper to, like, write something down?
00:46:29.000 And she would be, like, patient, engaged in writing behavior.
00:46:32.000 Like, everything.
00:46:33.000 Or he would be, like, hey, could I talk about, like, grounds privileges?
00:46:38.000 And the nurse would be, like, hi, James, it's nice to see you.
00:46:41.000 And then walk away.
00:46:43.000 And the dude started to go insane. 1.00
00:46:45.000 And the way that I connect that to that is, like, the audiences then expect you to suck. 0.99
00:46:50.000 The audiences treat you the way that they treat him. 0.99
00:46:52.000 Right. 0.98
00:46:53.000 the shitty comedian and that's the worst part people know who you are they know you're funny people don't know who I am and so at the time when I was in Tampa they didn't know me either because that's the bitch is when is when people see a comedian who sucks and then another comic gets on stage they don't know who you are either they assume you're at the level of the person who just went up yeah they're upset they're not gonna laugh at your stuff that are plus they're not warm And they've had a few drinks, 0.98
00:47:18.000 and they're just like, what the fuck am I doing with my night? 0.98
00:47:21.000 It worked all day? 0.99
00:47:21.000 Yeah, it's brutal. 0.99
00:47:22.000 And some mediocre shitheads on stage spouting out nonsense? 1.00
00:47:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:47:27.000 Yeah, well, you've got to think also, when you think about that study, what's it like living with an insane mother or father?
00:47:33.000 Right?
00:47:34.000 Like, that's got to rub off on people.
00:47:38.000 There's probably people that don't have whatever it is that causes...
00:47:43.000 A mental disorder. 1.00
00:47:44.000 But then they live with someone who does and that someone imparts that on them just by virtue of living in this house where you're with a fucking insane person. 1.00
00:47:54.000 Yeah, absolutely. 0.96
00:47:55.000 I think it also happens with homeless people.
00:47:59.000 I think that there are people who have been getting treated like they're crazy for so long that it drives them crazy.
00:48:06.000 Because I can't imagine asking someone for something or talking to someone and having the person just like fix their eyes and keep walking, you know?
00:48:17.000 Yeah.
00:48:18.000 I had a really good friend when I lived in New York who was semi-homeless.
00:48:22.000 He was homeless sometimes and not other times.
00:48:24.000 He was a pool hustler.
00:48:26.000 And I actually met him in a pool hall.
00:48:28.000 And he became literally one of my best friends and stayed on my couch a lot of times.
00:48:31.000 And sometimes he would stay on my couch.
00:48:33.000 He would snore so loud because he hadn't slept in days.
00:48:35.000 It was crazy.
00:48:37.000 And I moved to LA. He stayed in New York.
00:48:40.000 And I didn't see him for a while.
00:48:42.000 And then I went to New York to do this thing.
00:48:46.000 And I went to do this TV thing, and he came to meet me there.
00:48:51.000 And I just, in my mind, it was me hanging out with my friend Johnny.
00:48:56.000 It was normal.
00:48:57.000 But for him, one of the things that he was saying to me, he goes, dude, I gotta tell you, man, this is...
00:49:03.000 Because there was a bunch of crew and all that.
00:49:06.000 He goes, this is the only time in years where people have been nice to me.
00:49:09.000 He goes, because I'm with you, I'm hanging around, everybody's nice to me. 0.98
00:49:13.000 And then it made me think, oh, this guy gets treated like shit everywhere because he's basically sleeping in flop houses or these hostels or anywhere he can if he can get the money. 0.98
00:49:22.000 He had a... 0.97
00:49:23.000 Serious drug problem it wound up killing him and I remember I never forgot that like he was saying like This is crazy man like people would be nice to me here like no one's ever nice to me I remember thinking like why is no nice to you you're a great guy and then I I'm like how fucking weird is my thinking like I'm doing a,
00:49:43.000 you know, I was friends with this guy.
00:49:45.000 I was a struggling comedian.
00:49:47.000 He was a pool hustler.
00:49:48.000 And then years later, I'm on a TV show.
00:49:50.000 And I come to New York to film this TV show and I hang out with my old friend.
00:49:54.000 But he's still the same guy doing the same kind of things.
00:49:56.000 And maybe even worse off.
00:49:58.000 Because his health is failing and he's deep, deep into the drugs.
00:50:02.000 And, you know, we're hanging out.
00:50:04.000 And, you know, he's like, I can't believe it.
00:50:06.000 This is like the only time anyone's ever been nice to me.
00:50:08.000 It's been a long time since people have been nice to me.
00:50:10.000 And I'd be like, whoa.
00:50:11.000 Like, imagine going through your day all day long. 1.00
00:50:15.000 People are barking at you, treating you like shit. 1.00
00:50:18.000 You're staying in these homeless shelters or flop houses with all these other crazy people and they're yelling at you. 1.00
00:50:25.000 Damn. 1.00
00:50:27.000 So... 1.00
00:50:27.000 It's heavy. 1.00
00:50:29.000 Do you have, like, successful person's guilt?
00:50:33.000 Like, is it weird for you to see people from your past?
00:50:37.000 No.
00:50:38.000 That's cool.
00:50:39.000 No.
00:50:40.000 You can't.
00:50:41.000 Gotta keep moving.
00:50:42.000 Can't worry about that.
00:50:44.000 Because for sure I've been like super fortunate.
00:50:47.000 For sure.
00:50:48.000 No doubt about it.
00:50:49.000 But I also work pretty hard.
00:50:50.000 It's like I know that I've been very lucky.
00:50:54.000 But I also know that I've taken advantage of moments and made the best out of them.
00:51:00.000 Because I'm obsessive and I work real hard.
00:51:04.000 And I think a lot of people have learned from that.
00:51:06.000 I think I've showed a lot of people that are in my life, and a lot of people are like, you've got to work.
00:51:11.000 That's how you get things done in this life.
00:51:13.000 You can get by on talent, and you can get by on brashness.
00:51:18.000 There's a lot of things that you can pull off in this world where you can kind of skirt the system, but really you're better off working too.
00:51:26.000 Even if you have all those things, and I've always kind of been impulsive and kind of crazy, but I also work.
00:51:32.000 I work really hard at everything I do.
00:51:34.000 I've always done that.
00:51:36.000 Because of that, I don't really feel that guilty.
00:51:39.000 But I do feel obligated to help.
00:51:43.000 Especially as I've gotten more and more successful, I've felt more and more obligated to help.
00:51:47.000 I'm always trying to help friends.
00:51:49.000 I'm always trying to help people.
00:51:51.000 That's one of the things that I've tried to do really well with this podcast is boost people's signal that I think are really good and really funny or interesting or whatever.
00:51:58.000 I think it's very important to me.
00:52:00.000 Yeah, I have the vast majority of my Instagram followers because of you, because of that Instagram post that you did.
00:52:07.000 Wait until after this.
00:52:07.000 That's hilarious.
00:52:11.000 Let me tell you one more story about my friend.
00:52:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:52:15.000 I was on a television show called News Radio and I was on it for, it was 99 episodes we wound up doing, right?
00:52:22.000 But two of them I wasn't on.
00:52:25.000 One of them was the pilot and the other one was another episode where I had one part but it didn't work.
00:52:31.000 So they cut it out.
00:52:32.000 It was an ensemble cast.
00:52:33.000 There was eight people in the cast.
00:52:35.000 So my friend was arrested, and they put him in a mental institution.
00:52:40.000 So he's in this mental institution, and he's watching TV. He's like, yo, yo, yo, my boy's on this show.
00:52:47.000 My boy's on this show.
00:52:48.000 I'm going to show you my friend.
00:52:49.000 So he's watching news radio.
00:52:51.000 It was the one episode where I wasn't on.
00:52:54.000 So it gets to the end of the episode.
00:52:58.000 He goes, bro, I'm in paper slippers. 1.00
00:53:00.000 He goes, I'm in this fucking mental institution with all these legitimate crazy people. 1.00
00:53:05.000 He goes, I'm not crazy. 1.00
00:53:06.000 I'm just on drugs, right? 1.00
00:53:08.000 And I'm hanging out with these fucking crazy people. 1.00
00:53:10.000 And at the end of the TV show, the credits roll, and you weren't on the fucking episode. 1.00
00:53:15.000 And they're like, yo, go get your medication. 1.00
00:53:18.000 Go get your fucking medication. 1.00
00:53:19.000 You don't know anybody on TV. We were crying and laughing. 1.00
00:53:23.000 We thought it was so funny.
00:53:25.000 The one episode where he was in a mental health institute.
00:53:28.000 He was only in it for a week.
00:53:30.000 That one episode was the one episode where I wasn't on the show.
00:53:34.000 That's hilarious. 0.98
00:53:36.000 That sucks. 0.99
00:53:36.000 He could have just been like, no, I know that guy. 0.99
00:53:41.000 Like a different dude.
00:53:42.000 When he died, it was like as sad as I've ever been in my life.
00:53:46.000 It was so sad.
00:53:48.000 I found out from my friend Tommy, who I'm still friends with, lives back in Connecticut, and he told me, and I was just devastated.
00:53:55.000 I just couldn't believe it.
00:53:56.000 I hadn't talked to him in a couple of weeks, and he died of an overdose somewhere.
00:54:03.000 It's horrible.
00:54:04.000 It's just so sad.
00:54:05.000 Just so, just like, gripping sad, where you're just like, there's nothing I could ever have done.
00:54:10.000 I tried so hard to get him off drugs so many times, you know, and this is like back when I didn't even smoke pot back then.
00:54:17.000 I would just like occasionally have a drink, but I was like pretty, like, straight edge.
00:54:21.000 I was like, like super obsessed with being successful and working out all the time, and he was my crazy drug addict friend, you know?
00:54:30.000 Yeah.
00:54:31.000 I'm so sorry.
00:54:33.000 And there is nothing that you can do to save someone else from their own addiction.
00:54:39.000 No.
00:54:40.000 No, there's nothing you can do.
00:54:41.000 I mean, you just hope.
00:54:43.000 You hope that one day, like, you know, people, they take turns in life where they say, I'm not doing that anymore.
00:54:49.000 I'm not gambling.
00:54:49.000 I'm not doing that anymore.
00:54:50.000 I'm not doing whatever it is.
00:54:52.000 You know, I'm not doing coke. 0.99
00:54:53.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 0.99
00:54:55.000 Sometimes people just stay, they just hit these plateaus and then they're done with it, you know? 1.00
00:55:00.000 I always hoped.
00:55:01.000 And I always hoped.
00:55:02.000 I always hoped that he would just one day go, I'm done. 0.98
00:55:06.000 I'm going to get my shit together, you know? 0.99
00:55:08.000 Yeah. 0.97
00:55:09.000 And there's no predicting who's going to get it and who's not.
00:55:13.000 There are people who go in and out of recovery and then one day it clicks.
00:55:19.000 My dad was quitting stuff for my whole life and...
00:55:24.000 And eventually got sober in jail when I was 12 and was sober for the rest of my life.
00:55:30.000 He was sober for the next 12 years until he died when I was 24. And I don't think that anyone ever really expected him to stop drinking, you know?
00:55:39.000 So it's like worth having hope for people, but also...
00:55:44.000 My mom didn't argue him into finally quitting drinking.
00:55:48.000 I didn't beg him into finally quitting drinking.
00:55:51.000 Nobody convinced him except for his own misery of losing his family and then being in jail.
00:56:01.000 You used to party hard.
00:56:06.000 Yeah.
00:56:07.000 Yeah.
00:56:09.000 What made you...
00:56:13.000 Do you think it's a genetic thing?
00:56:15.000 Yeah, I do.
00:56:16.000 I think it's a genetic thing.
00:56:17.000 I think that there also can be an environmental component.
00:56:21.000 I know that some things that I liked about it were it made me feel comfortable talking to people.
00:56:29.000 Crowds have always been kind of draining for me, large crowds, especially if it's like people I don't know.
00:56:35.000 Um, and I felt like I could talk to guys for the first time when I started drinking, but then I couldn't stop drinking once I started drinking, so I would be, like, laid out on a bathroom floor with the guys I liked, like, stepping over me to pee,
00:56:53.000 you know?
00:56:53.000 It just got real...
00:56:55.000 That's how it always went!
00:56:56.000 I'd feel... 0.96
00:56:57.000 There'd be like a moment in the night where I was like, oh yeah, I'm fucking hot. 0.99
00:57:03.000 And then I'd have like throw up in my ear and be fucking pissing someone's futon. 0.93
00:57:08.000 So it just was always real rough and there was a period of time for like years where I woke up and started drinking and drank all day and was a blackout drinker every night. 0.97
00:57:19.000 And then I actually had a boyfriend and I I quit drinking for him and then I started again and it just was always like it always went back to the same place like I tried quitting I tried quitting every year since I started.
00:57:39.000 I started drinking pretty much daily when I was 17 and then got sober when I was 29 and haven't had a drink or a drug since.
00:57:46.000 But my bottom wasn't when I stopped.
00:57:50.000 When I stopped was just when I was done.
00:57:55.000 It's an interesting thing.
00:57:56.000 But my last drink was actually just like a couple sips of a friend's beer.
00:58:00.000 And then I just was like...
00:58:02.000 Something clicked and I knew I couldn't do it by myself.
00:58:06.000 And I was willing to accept help.
00:58:08.000 I was willing to do anything.
00:58:11.000 I was willing to do whatever it took.
00:58:13.000 And so I did.
00:58:15.000 I got help.
00:58:16.000 It was free.
00:58:17.000 What year was this around?
00:58:20.000 January 21st, 2014. Wow.
00:58:23.000 You know it by the day.
00:58:25.000 That's great.
00:58:25.000 Yeah.
00:58:26.000 I only have like a, other than the birth of my children in my head like that, I have like the day I started comedy, the day I was married, that kind of shit. 0.98
00:58:36.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:58:37.000 But that's a big one.
00:58:38.000 I don't know when I started comedy and I don't know when you got married, but that's my date.
00:58:43.000 I started comedy August 27, 1988. And I think back to that day all the time because I almost pussied out.
00:58:52.000 Wow, yeah, me too.
00:58:53.000 Do you almost buzz it out?
00:58:54.000 Yeah.
00:58:55.000 What happened with you?
00:58:56.000 I called...
00:58:58.000 You had to call the comedy club ahead of time to ask for a spot.
00:59:02.000 Which comedy club?
00:59:02.000 The Comedy Cafe in Milwaukee.
00:59:04.000 I don't think it's with us any longer.
00:59:06.000 I think it has passed away.
00:59:07.000 But...
00:59:09.000 Yeah, you called ahead of time to get a spot on the open mic, and then you could do a set for five to seven minutes.
00:59:16.000 And so I typed my set out word for word on the computer, practiced it in front of a full-length mirror a million times, and wanted to cancel.
00:59:27.000 But I would have had to cancel to cancel, and I'm not a bitch, so I did it. 0.94
00:59:31.000 You were drinking back then? 0.54
00:59:33.000 Yeah.
00:59:35.000 Oh yeah.
00:59:35.000 Oh yeah.
00:59:36.000 Oh yeah.
00:59:37.000 Yeah, I used to go on stage blackout drunk.
00:59:42.000 I would not have any of the success that I have right now if I hadn't stopped drinking because I would blackout.
00:59:50.000 And yeah, I went on and I told my jokes, and some of them hit and some of them didn't, but I got the fix.
00:59:59.000 I got that feeling of telling a joke to a room full of people and having them laugh at it, and I've been hooked ever since.
01:00:04.000 How did you remember your material if you were blackout drunk?
01:00:06.000 I wasn't blackout drunk at that moment.
01:00:09.000 Oh, other times?
01:00:11.000 I don't know.
01:00:12.000 And sometimes I didn't. 0.97
01:00:13.000 I mean, I fucked up a lot, you know? 0.97
01:00:15.000 There were times where I, like, went on stage and I would repeat my jokes that I had just said. 0.97
01:00:20.000 I would ask my friends, like, how did my set go? 0.99
01:00:21.000 And they'd be like, you are shit-faced, you know? 1.00
01:00:25.000 Like, you're drunk. 1.00
01:00:27.000 It looked like you were really drunk, you know?
01:00:30.000 I knew, generally, if I couldn't remember it, that it probably wasn't that good.
01:00:36.000 Generally?
01:00:37.000 Yeah.
01:00:37.000 Generally, I'm like, well...
01:00:39.000 But I mean, that's like the difference between then and now.
01:00:42.000 And it's like what you were talking about.
01:00:43.000 Now, if you have an opportunity, you make the most of it.
01:00:46.000 Now, if I have an opportunity, I make the most of it.
01:00:49.000 I show up early.
01:00:50.000 I'm polite and professional.
01:00:52.000 And like, nobody wets their pants.
01:00:54.000 And I maybe get another shot of the thing later.
01:00:57.000 You know, you get to move on to like the next level on to the next step.
01:01:01.000 Back then, I remember in Milwaukee, there was a headliner who thought I was funny and wanted to see if he wanted to bring me on the road.
01:01:08.000 And so he got me a feature set at a show, a one-nighter.
01:01:14.000 And I went and did it and got blackout drunk and don't remember anything he said to me on the ride home, but I do know he never brought me on the road with him.
01:01:29.000 You know?
01:01:30.000 Like, I know I'm not on tour with him right now.
01:01:33.000 Is he on tour?
01:01:35.000 I don't know.
01:01:36.000 I don't know.
01:01:37.000 I don't think I've spoken to him since.
01:01:42.000 Maybe he'll see this.
01:01:44.000 Maybe he will.
01:01:45.000 His name was James Irvin Barry.
01:01:47.000 All right, James Urban Barry.
01:01:48.000 He was very nice.
01:01:49.000 I was very drunk.
01:01:50.000 It was not his fault. 0.98
01:01:52.000 It's a weird thing, that genetic propensity for alcoholism, because I've seen it in people where their parents are drunks and they just can't fucking help it. 0.96
01:02:01.000 I've seen it.
01:02:01.000 And some people like to think that it's all willpower, but I'm not so sure.
01:02:06.000 I don't have that thing.
01:02:07.000 I can have a drink or two and I can not drink for a month.
01:02:11.000 It doesn't bother me.
01:02:12.000 But I've seen it. 0.99
01:02:13.000 Where, like, one drink and then they get fucking shark eyes. 0.99
01:02:16.000 It's like, plink! 0.99
01:02:17.000 They flip over.
01:02:19.000 Like, you know, gerbils?
01:02:20.000 You ever look in a gerbil's eye?
01:02:21.000 No, I never looked in a gerbil's eye.
01:02:23.000 They're dead.
01:02:23.000 Look in their eyes.
01:02:24.000 They're dead eyes.
01:02:25.000 Like, some people, their eyes just black out.
01:02:29.000 They get glazed over.
01:02:30.000 And they're not there anymore.
01:02:31.000 Oh, Charles's not here anymore.
01:02:33.000 Charles is gone. 1.00
01:02:34.000 Now this fucking shark boy. 1.00
01:02:37.000 Their eyes just glass over. 0.99
01:02:39.000 Yeah, I mean, I was never there when it happened, but that's exactly how my friends describe me.
01:02:43.000 They'd be like, I looked at you last night and you weren't there.
01:02:46.000 That's exactly how they describe me.
01:02:48.000 It's what it seems like when someone's blacked out drunk.
01:02:52.000 It's such a weird thing.
01:02:56.000 Some human beings, like, for whatever it is, with alcohol, it sinks.
01:03:00.000 Like, that was always, like, the big problem with Native Americans. 1.00
01:03:03.000 They would give them alcohol.
01:03:05.000 And Rhonda Patrick was explaining, Dr. Rhonda Patrick was explaining this to me, that there's actually a gene.
01:03:11.000 Yeah.
01:03:12.000 And that some folks, depending upon their ancestry, if their ancestors grew up without alcohol, they would have no protection from...
01:03:24.000 Is that true?
01:03:25.000 Fun enough that's true.
01:03:26.000 That is true.
01:03:27.000 It seems like I'm bullshitting.
01:03:27.000 Is that right?
01:03:29.000 I always have to pause.
01:03:30.000 That is true.
01:03:31.000 And I believe it's less of an enzyme that your liver produces that helps you process alcohol.
01:03:37.000 Women have less of it as well. 1.00
01:03:38.000 But Native Americans, yes.
01:03:40.000 Yeah, because they didn't have that as a part of their ritual.
01:03:45.000 So it's for thousands of years.
01:03:46.000 Oh, it's this thing.
01:03:47.000 That's what it is.
01:03:49.000 Even though you can hear me, I can't hear me. 1.00
01:03:51.000 It's this fucking... 0.99
01:03:52.000 Hello. 1.00
01:03:53.000 Hello. 1.00
01:03:56.000 Jamie, this thing's a piece of shit. 1.00
01:03:58.000 Do we have another headset? 1.00
01:03:59.000 You want this?
01:04:01.000 Yeah, let me try that one.
01:04:03.000 Oh, there it goes.
01:04:05.000 It came back.
01:04:06.000 I think it's probably this little deck more than it is the headset itself.
01:04:14.000 Yeah, it's a weird one.
01:04:15.000 It's a weird pot too. 0.99
01:04:16.000 I've seen some people, they smoke pot and they just lose their fucking marbles. 0.99
01:04:20.000 There's this guy named Alex Berenson. 1.00
01:04:23.000 He wrote a book called Tell Your Children.
01:04:25.000 And I had him on with this guy who's a cannabis doctor from Canada, Mike Hart.
01:04:31.000 And they were debating whether or not cannabis is...
01:04:34.000 Tell Your Children is basically about some people, when they smoke marijuana, have psychotic breaks and schizophrenic episodes.
01:04:43.000 And I've seen it. 0.99
01:04:44.000 I know people that have lost their fucking marbles with weed. 0.99
01:04:47.000 And I know at least one guy whose whole life went on a downward spiral after Joey Diaz gave him an edible. 0.99
01:04:55.000 Like, legitimately.
01:04:57.000 On the podcast, by the way.
01:04:58.000 But he has crazy edibles.
01:05:00.000 I don't even feel like that's fair to edibles because I hear him talk about the milligrams and I see normal people's reactions to it.
01:05:07.000 Oh, yeah.
01:05:08.000 I've taken his edibles.
01:05:09.000 He like tricks people into taking them, doesn't he?
01:05:12.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:05:12.000 He lies about what the dosage is.
01:05:15.000 He's such a savage. 0.68
01:05:16.000 He's such an interesting person.
01:05:18.000 He would take an edible that's 500 milligrams and he would take it out of the wrapper and put it in a wrapper that's 50 milligrams.
01:05:27.000 It's so rude.
01:05:29.000 It's so rude. 1.00
01:05:30.000 That's so fucked up. 1.00
01:05:32.000 That would ruin someone's like, he's done it, he did it to Tom on like an airplane, didn't he? 1.00
01:05:38.000 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:05:39.000 Tom was so mad at him.
01:05:41.000 Yeah. 0.91
01:05:42.000 I want to start drugging people.
01:05:45.000 That's funny. 0.85
01:05:46.000 It's only funny when it's Joey.
01:05:47.000 You'd have to go along with it.
01:05:49.000 You don't think I could pull it off?
01:05:50.000 You definitely could pull it off.
01:05:51.000 But I'm just saying, if you're not doing the drugs yourself, the thing about Joey is he's doing the same dose.
01:05:57.000 He's dosing you, but he's also taking exactly what you're taking and more.
01:06:02.000 I think I could pull it off more because I don't do drugs because anytime I get like a gift box from a weed company, I give it to my friends and I feel like I could easily be like, oh here and have one that says it's like 10 milligrams and like ruin Frank Castillo's week.
01:06:18.000 Yes, you could.
01:06:20.000 Frank could probably take it.
01:06:22.000 Steve.
01:06:23.000 Okay.
01:06:24.000 Frank Castillo could take it though.
01:06:27.000 He knows how to smoke some weed.
01:06:29.000 I know he smokes a lot of weed.
01:06:30.000 He could put it away.
01:06:32.000 He'll be alright. 0.99
01:06:33.000 I don't know if he could put it away without making a fool out of himself. 0.95
01:06:36.000 He smokes a lot of weed, but he also will not be able to process anything that you're... 0.94
01:06:42.000 He doesn't wear it well.
01:06:43.000 He doesn't wear it like a gentleman.
01:06:45.000 I'll say that.
01:06:46.000 Wear it like a gentleman.
01:06:49.000 Yeah, Joey...
01:06:50.000 The thing about Joey is, though, it's not just dosing you.
01:06:53.000 He'll dose himself.
01:06:54.000 Like, he takes what you're taking.
01:06:57.000 Like...
01:06:57.000 Yeah, but he's built like a brick house.
01:07:00.000 Yeah.
01:07:00.000 I mean, he...
01:07:01.000 Yeah, he's 300 pounds.
01:07:03.000 Call me the other day, Joe, I'm down to 290. Congratulations!
01:07:07.000 Ha ha ha ha! 0.99
01:07:11.000 But he could, just all that mass, he could put away some fucking Chibichus and those stars of death. 1.00
01:07:16.000 Those are 250 milligrams. 0.99
01:07:18.000 That's a big dose.
01:07:19.000 And he would just down two, three of them.
01:07:22.000 I've seen it.
01:07:22.000 It's like shocking.
01:07:24.000 I've seen him eat three of them.
01:07:25.000 And you're like, you get nervous.
01:07:27.000 I gotta get out of here.
01:07:29.000 Isn't like 10 milligrams a respectable dose?
01:07:32.000 Or like 30? 1.00
01:07:32.000 For a pussy. 1.00
01:07:35.000 Isn't that like the normal range for someone who's got a family and is trying to fuck his wife on a Friday night? 1.00
01:07:40.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
01:07:41.000 Like a normal person.
01:07:43.000 Yeah, if you don't...
01:07:44.000 He's not normal.
01:07:46.000 Joey's not normal.
01:07:47.000 But the thing we always would do is get dosed up when we get on planes.
01:07:51.000 Getting on planes, getting high was always the real way to go.
01:07:54.000 Dude, your material about getting high and going to the airport and flying gives me panic attacks.
01:08:02.000 It's so true! 0.99
01:08:04.000 There's nothing I would less want to do than be fucked up at an airport. 0.99
01:08:08.000 But that's the point. 0.99
01:08:09.000 The point is it makes it an adventure.
01:08:11.000 So instead of it being this boring thing that you have to do, now you're barely keeping it together. 0.98
01:08:18.000 It's like trying to walk a tightrope while you're blindfolded, with one eye blindfolded, and one arm's tied behind your back, and you've got a fucking splinter in your foot. 0.96
01:08:29.000 I'm never bored at the airport. 0.98
01:08:30.000 I'm always overstimulated at the airport.
01:08:33.000 I'm always overwhelmed.
01:08:34.000 There are so many people doing so many different things from so many walks of life.
01:08:38.000 There's so much going on.
01:08:40.000 You've got to be alert.
01:08:41.000 You have to be alert?
01:08:42.000 You've got to go through the lines and stuff.
01:08:43.000 People tell you what to do.
01:08:45.000 There's very little margin for error before a TSA agent will correct your behavior. 0.99
01:08:50.000 That's why it's fun to be stupid high when you're doing that because you have to keep it together. 0.99
01:08:56.000 But one time, me and Duncan, we were going to film a television show, and we got fucking obliterated. 0.99
01:09:04.000 Same thing, ate giant edibles, went to the airport, totally missed our flight. 0.74
01:09:07.000 We were talking.
01:09:08.000 Me and Duncan, we could talk for hours.
01:09:10.000 Me and Duncan were just sitting there in the airport, and then we realized, dude, when's our flight?
01:09:14.000 And we looked up, and our flight had already left.
01:09:17.000 No!
01:09:17.000 Our flight was claw gone!
01:09:20.000 That's so stupid. 1.00
01:09:20.000 It's just a classic stoner move. 1.00
01:09:22.000 So we had to take another flight.
01:09:23.000 We flew all night.
01:09:25.000 And then we went to work in the morning with no sleep.
01:09:28.000 We had to film the show with zero sleep.
01:09:29.000 And the show that we were filming was about the Center for Disease Control in Galveston, Texas.
01:09:34.000 So we're down in Galveston.
01:09:36.000 Like, still high.
01:09:37.000 Right?
01:09:38.000 Like, no sleep at all.
01:09:40.000 Trying to stay awake.
01:09:41.000 Drinking coffee.
01:09:42.000 Talking to this guy who's telling us everyone's going to die.
01:09:44.000 So this guy was talking to us about...
01:09:47.000 We were talking about weaponized diseases.
01:09:50.000 And his, essentially, the guy at the Center for Disease Control was telling us, it's not weaponized diseases I'm concerned with.
01:09:56.000 It's live.
01:09:57.000 It's just viruses mutating and jumping from livestock to people.
01:10:01.000 And he's explaining that to us.
01:10:02.000 And we were so high.
01:10:04.000 And then we were in this building where they were working with Ebola and all these...
01:10:08.000 I mean, the Center for Disease Control at Galveston, they work with some of the worst hemorrhagic viruses and all these...
01:10:15.000 Terrifying diseases. 0.99
01:10:16.000 They're all in this fucking building in Texas. 0.99
01:10:19.000 And they have these crazy ventilation systems and people are in spacesuits and they're walking around dealing with these things. 0.99
01:10:25.000 Yeah.
01:10:26.000 It's all down there.
01:10:27.000 So here's Duncan and I. Missed our flight.
01:10:29.000 High as fuck. 1.00
01:10:31.000 Wandering around Galveston. 1.00
01:10:33.000 Next to a vial of Ebola.
01:10:36.000 Trying to stay awake.
01:10:36.000 Listen to this guy talking about how everyone's going to die.
01:10:38.000 I'm like... 0.97
01:10:39.000 What makes that story, like, just get funnier and funnier the longer I picture it is thinking about how many times they say the name of the fucking flight in the airport before it They announced that we're going to start boarding to Galveston. 0.95
01:10:59.000 Boarding has started to Galveston. 0.97
01:11:02.000 We're pre-boarding to Galveston.
01:11:03.000 Now first class to Galveston.
01:11:05.000 They say the name of the flight 20 times.
01:11:08.000 How did neither one of you hear it that many times?
01:11:11.000 It's worse.
01:11:12.000 Jamie is right where the gate was.
01:11:15.000 We weren't far away.
01:11:18.000 We were right there.
01:11:19.000 We were just talking.
01:11:20.000 Dude, did you see this thing?
01:11:22.000 Like, Duncan's telling me about some documentary he saw.
01:11:24.000 Why didn't anyone prod you?
01:11:27.000 It was just us.
01:11:28.000 We didn't have, like, people that were going with us.
01:11:30.000 But I mean, someone working at the gate. 0.92
01:11:33.000 No one working at the gate gave a fuck about us. 0.96
01:11:33.000 Nope. 0.96
01:11:37.000 By the time I went to the lady, that flight's long gone. 1.00
01:11:41.000 Shit! 0.99
01:11:44.000 She's like, not only did it leave, it left two hours. 1.00
01:11:46.000 We've also boarded and a different flight left.
01:11:50.000 Yes, we had to fly to Houston and then we had to drive from Houston to Galveston.
01:11:54.000 It was a disaster.
01:11:55.000 It was hilarious though.
01:11:57.000 But it's funnier that way to think about it. 0.92
01:12:00.000 Just think about how ridiculous it was.
01:12:01.000 How far is Houston to Galveston? 0.72
01:12:03.000 I don't remember.
01:12:03.000 I want to picture every part of this process.
01:12:05.000 You renting a car, one of your high asses driving it in the middle of the fucking night. 1.00
01:12:10.000 Yeah, I think by the time we got there we probably weren't too high. 1.00
01:12:14.000 We're definitely a little high.
01:12:15.000 But we tried to sleep on the plane.
01:12:17.000 Maybe we had like 30 minutes of sleeping in the hotel or something like that when we got there.
01:12:23.000 But not much.
01:12:24.000 It was a disaster.
01:12:30.000 Yeah, that's one of the reasons why people think pot's bad for you, you know?
01:12:34.000 Yeah.
01:12:34.000 Yeah.
01:12:35.000 Because they miss flights, because you get forgetful.
01:12:37.000 When I would get high, and I used to get high every day, even though it gave me horrible panic attacks. 0.99
01:12:46.000 horrible panic attacks gave me panic panic attacks and it gave me puke burps and I would smoke with like the guy I had a crush on like the guys I had a crush on and would get high as hell would be so aware of like every molecule of my body would be so self-conscious and then would start like deeply belching and the guy's like oh what the fuck It was fucking hell. 0.98
01:13:10.000 I would drive and I would go 14 miles an hour. 0.94
01:13:14.000 I would stop at a stop sign for half an hour.
01:13:18.000 I just couldn't be sure of the distance.
01:13:20.000 And I was like, well, maybe that car is far away.
01:13:24.000 Maybe it's close.
01:13:25.000 Your guess is as good as mine.
01:13:27.000 But I do know that I would rather wait for it to pass than go now and have it hit me.
01:13:34.000 I just couldn't tell.
01:13:35.000 Oh my god, it was...
01:13:38.000 It was hard.
01:13:39.000 It made life really hard.
01:13:40.000 Puke burps.
01:13:41.000 That's not good.
01:13:43.000 And mints don't cover that up either.
01:13:45.000 Deep.
01:13:45.000 Basie.
01:13:47.000 Mortifying.
01:13:48.000 All the time.
01:13:50.000 All the time.
01:13:53.000 Was it a weird adjustment?
01:13:55.000 Becoming sober?
01:13:57.000 It was like pretty immediately awesome.
01:13:59.000 I didn't realize how hard it was to maintain like a lifestyle of active addiction for as long as I did. 0.97
01:14:07.000 Man, it was just a load off to stop having to be fucked up 100% of the time. 0.95
01:14:12.000 It really was. 0.99
01:14:13.000 So your body just bounced right back.
01:14:14.000 I don't know about my body.
01:14:17.000 My relationship with stand-up changed a lot.
01:14:22.000 Before I would go on stage, I would try to drink as much as I could fit in myself because I was so nervous.
01:14:32.000 Now I just get nervous.
01:14:34.000 It never made the nerves go away.
01:14:37.000 It just made me be nervous that I was going to look drunk. 0.99
01:14:41.000 So I was still nervous when I went out, but I was like, I hope I don't look fucked up. 0.98
01:14:44.000 And now I'm just nervous. 0.98
01:14:46.000 It's weird because I have really bad stage fright, but I also...
01:14:50.000 I don't care that much.
01:14:51.000 I'm just so used to it that I just walk through it and I'm just like, oh, this is the part of my lizard brain that makes my heart pound out of my chest as if I'm gonna go to war right now.
01:15:03.000 It's such a weird nervousness too.
01:15:05.000 I think I like it.
01:15:07.000 I hate it.
01:15:08.000 I feel sick.
01:15:09.000 I get dizzy.
01:15:10.000 But I think I'm addicted to it.
01:15:13.000 Because my resting heart rate is 47. Really?
01:15:18.000 Is that low?
01:15:18.000 Yeah, it's really low.
01:15:19.000 Has it always been that low?
01:15:20.000 No, it's low now that I'm in shape.
01:15:22.000 And if I work out, I can get it up to like 100. When I'm working out, it's around 100. Wow.
01:15:27.000 When I go on stage, it will go up to 140. And so on my Fitbit, you can see like a spike.
01:15:35.000 Like you could look at the chart and you would know what nights I had shows.
01:15:38.000 You would know how many sets I did.
01:15:40.000 It just like, yeah, my heart pounds out of my chest.
01:15:43.000 I think you get addicted to overcoming it.
01:15:46.000 Like the feeling of elation when it's over and you do well.
01:15:50.000 Yeah.
01:15:50.000 Yeah.
01:15:51.000 So there's like those three highs.
01:15:52.000 There's like the high before you go up, which I feel like I'm going to be sick.
01:15:57.000 I only know that I'm not going to throw up or faint because it hasn't happened.
01:16:01.000 Yeah.
01:16:02.000 And then there's the high of, like, being on stage and it going well.
01:16:06.000 And then there's the high after of, like, the relief and of having had a good set.
01:16:10.000 And that, I think, is...
01:16:12.000 I like the one on stage and I really like the one after, too.
01:16:15.000 Yeah, it's...
01:16:17.000 It doesn't go away.
01:16:19.000 Do you still get nervous?
01:16:20.000 Yeah.
01:16:21.000 Yeah.
01:16:22.000 You don't...
01:16:23.000 I've never noticed that.
01:16:25.000 You've never seemed nervous to me.
01:16:27.000 I can handle it.
01:16:29.000 I know what the feeling is.
01:16:30.000 I can't handle it.
01:16:31.000 I know what the feeling is.
01:16:33.000 If I hadn't done the work, though, like if I'm not prepared, I've had shows where I kind of just sort of showed up and went on stage.
01:16:40.000 It was not good.
01:16:42.000 The difference between having an hour or two to go over my material and think about what I'm going to do, you don't have to do that, right?
01:16:50.000 But if you do that, you definitely feel better and your performance improves.
01:16:54.000 Shows it.
01:16:55.000 And those are the nights where new material gets born.
01:17:00.000 When I go, I like spend a couple of hours and go over my notes and really, not just write, but go over what I'm going to do.
01:17:07.000 Like there's different stages, right?
01:17:09.000 There's like writing new stuff, but then there's also going over your stuff.
01:17:12.000 Like sitting there and going, oh, I haven't done that one in a while.
01:17:15.000 Like, oh yeah, ooh, that will tie into this. 0.98
01:17:17.000 And then sometimes, like if I have a big show, like an arena, when I do arenas, I write my shit out.
01:17:23.000 So I'll get there way early, and I have index cards, and I write out bits, and I'll write out key parts of the bits. 0.99
01:17:29.000 I'll go over my whole fucking act. 0.93
01:17:31.000 I'll be there for an hour and a half writing on index cards. 0.99
01:17:33.000 So that way, like, I got it drilled into my head.
01:17:36.000 Even though I've done this set hundreds of times, or at least a hundred, you know, whatever.
01:17:41.000 I'm in shape comedy-wise.
01:17:43.000 I'm ready. 0.96
01:17:43.000 I still, I want to be super fucking ready. 0.96
01:17:47.000 I want to be warmed up, ready to go.
01:17:50.000 Yeah, and that's so soothing to me.
01:17:52.000 What I'll do when I'm at a show, just before I go up when I'm nervous, I'll write out my set list and I'll do it over and over.
01:18:00.000 If I don't have anything else I need to write, I'll just keep writing it because it helps me memorize and it also calms me down.
01:18:06.000 It makes me feel like I'm doing something.
01:18:09.000 My very low, like, manageable, easy action, low bar goal that I set for myself is 30 minutes of writing stand-up a day.
01:18:18.000 Because if you do that, like, that's a new hour a year.
01:18:22.000 Because 30 minutes a day is, if we say, like, three pages, three times seven, 21 pages a week.
01:18:28.000 And I'm talking about my, like, double-spaced notebook pages.
01:18:31.000 And usually in a half an hour, I can crank out six.
01:18:33.000 So three is, like, being very conservative.
01:18:36.000 That's 21 pages a week.
01:18:38.000 Times 52 weeks.
01:18:40.000 That means that just like 1 20th of what I write has to be usable on stage.
01:18:46.000 1 20th.
01:18:47.000 And that's about what it is.
01:18:49.000 I would say about a 20th of what I write is usable long term on stage.
01:18:55.000 Most of what I write gets thrown out.
01:18:58.000 Burr said once, five minutes a week.
01:19:02.000 Or five minutes a month, rather.
01:19:04.000 If you do five minutes a month, you've got an hour in a year.
01:19:07.000 Yeah, so that's about a minute a week.
01:19:08.000 If you look at it that way, you're like, oh, yeah, that's doable.
01:19:11.000 Yeah.
01:19:11.000 That's totally doable.
01:19:12.000 It's totally doable.
01:19:13.000 But how many people don't even do that?
01:19:15.000 Yeah, everybody doesn't.
01:19:17.000 That's the thing.
01:19:17.000 The problem with comedy is that no one tells you that you have to do stuff.
01:19:23.000 Yeah.
01:19:23.000 Like, comics are their own boss because they really can't not be their own boss because most of us are dysfunctional.
01:19:29.000 Yeah.
01:19:29.000 But the problem with that is, like, you're not a good boss of yourself.
01:19:33.000 If you're a good boss, you'd be like, hey, you fuck. 1.00
01:19:33.000 Right. 1.00
01:19:35.000 This is your project.
01:19:36.000 Get it done.
01:19:37.000 Yeah.
01:19:37.000 Or you're fired.
01:19:38.000 You're fired, Jetson.
01:19:39.000 A lot of us flunked out of school.
01:19:42.000 A lot of us were class clowns.
01:19:44.000 You know what I mean?
01:19:45.000 And it is such a simple thing.
01:19:47.000 I also think that we're like impatient.
01:19:50.000 And part of the writing is like, I set a timer for myself.
01:19:54.000 And then if I'm like on a roll, if I'm working on something and I'm enjoying, I'll certainly work longer than 30 minutes.
01:20:00.000 That's just to get me seated with my notebook and a pen in front of me.
01:20:05.000 But when I do that, then a lot of that time is spent just me staring off into space trying to think of something to say.
01:20:12.000 A lot of it is spent just doing free association writing.
01:20:16.000 It's not all spent writing a juicy, great new bit.
01:20:22.000 And I think that comedians... 0.94
01:20:23.000 They dread writing because they don't want to deal with writing shit and they don't want to deal with staring off into space not being able to think of anything so they try to think of something before they sit down to write and that's not what works for me personally. 0.99
01:20:39.000 And they have a laptop so then they just start fucking going on YouTube or watching porn or looking at websites or Louis C.K. told me he has a laptop that's not even connected to the internet. 0.99
01:20:55.000 That's smart.
01:20:55.000 Yeah, the Wi-Fi is disabled.
01:20:58.000 That's smart.
01:21:00.000 Yeah, I tried to write on a laptop again recently because it just is more efficient and I can't...
01:21:10.000 I can't do it.
01:21:11.000 Really?
01:21:12.000 Yeah.
01:21:12.000 It's too fast.
01:21:14.000 I need to be able to slow down because it gives my brain time to think of more things.
01:21:19.000 And it's also hard.
01:21:21.000 Can you type good with those nails?
01:21:22.000 You got some serious nails. 0.99
01:21:23.000 I can't do jack shit with these nails. 0.98
01:21:24.000 I've never had nails this long in my life. 0.99
01:21:26.000 I know.
01:21:27.000 They seem odd for you.
01:21:28.000 They don't feel right.
01:21:29.000 There was a miscommunication with my nail tech.
01:21:33.000 Really?
01:21:33.000 And they weren't supposed to look like this.
01:21:35.000 Dude, your hands look slimmer.
01:21:38.000 That's because my nails are comedically oversized.
01:21:41.000 No, but your hands look slimmer, too.
01:21:43.000 Like, you haven't just lost weight in your body.
01:21:45.000 You've lost weight in your hands.
01:21:46.000 I've lost a couple notches on my watch.
01:21:48.000 I won't lie to you.
01:21:50.000 But it's your hands themselves.
01:21:51.000 Thank you.
01:21:52.000 Yeah, I didn't realize I had...
01:21:56.000 Such a fat body.
01:21:59.000 I've lost two inches of height. 0.57
01:22:03.000 I think I lost an inch of fat off the top of my head and an inch of fat off my feet.
01:22:12.000 How do you lose height?
01:22:14.000 I don't know.
01:22:15.000 Maybe you had fat in between your discs.
01:22:19.000 Straighten out your posture.
01:22:20.000 I thought I was 5'7".
01:22:21.000 I don't know who I was kidding, but then I measured myself.
01:22:24.000 Then I got into like a healthy weight range for someone who's 5'7".
01:22:28.000 And I was like, I still feel like I'm a little bit fat here.
01:22:31.000 And I measured myself and I had 10 more pounds of this. 1.00
01:22:35.000 I was like, son of a bitch. 1.00
01:22:36.000 So that was... 1.00
01:22:38.000 Yeah, I've been 5'5 this whole time.
01:22:39.000 What did the nail lady say to you? 0.98
01:22:41.000 I wonder what my agents think when like, because I definitely was doing slates and saying, Hi, I'm Laura Bites.
01:22:47.000 I'm 5'7.
01:22:47.000 I'm based in Los Angeles.
01:22:49.000 And then one day I just started being like, Hi, I'm Laura Bites.
01:22:52.000 I'm 5'5.
01:22:53.000 I'm based in Los Angeles.
01:22:54.000 And you're like, what happened?
01:22:55.000 I'm like, what happened?
01:22:56.000 I shrunk.
01:22:56.000 I measured myself.
01:22:57.000 Yeah.
01:22:58.000 Yeah.
01:22:58.000 Yeah, maybe your whole body just shrunk.
01:23:00.000 You want to talk more about my nails, you said?
01:23:02.000 Yeah, what was the communication error?
01:23:04.000 I would like them to be oval and this color.
01:23:08.000 And she was like, what length? 1.00
01:23:10.000 And I said, medium.
01:23:12.000 And they're pointy.
01:23:14.000 And I would call these long.
01:23:15.000 Yeah, but not for a hoe. 1.00
01:23:18.000 It took...
01:23:20.000 I don't know how to take that.
01:23:22.000 Well, if you wanted, like...
01:23:24.000 I don't want to be a hoe. 1.00
01:23:26.000 I just wanted to have nice nails.
01:23:28.000 But they're fake, right?
01:23:30.000 Yeah.
01:23:31.000 Fake nails. 0.96
01:23:31.000 I don't know. 0.96
01:23:32.000 I had to look at them for that long.
01:23:34.000 It's a whole prop.
01:23:36.000 Yeah, I, you know, I'll tell you what, I got a hair in my eye.
01:23:42.000 And you couldn't get it out with the nails?
01:23:44.000 I couldn't get it out.
01:23:47.000 My friend who took me was like, oh, do you wear contacts? 1.00
01:23:51.000 Oh shit, those are going to be a bitch to get out. 1.00
01:23:54.000 And I managed, you know? 0.99
01:23:57.000 But then I got a hair in my eye, and I was like, am I going to have to, like, call someone?
01:24:02.000 Like, I can't get it out.
01:24:03.000 I could see it, and I couldn't...
01:24:05.000 Yeah, I don't know how...
01:24:07.000 Can you put a Q-tip in your eyeball?
01:24:09.000 I guess you could.
01:24:10.000 That's sketchy.
01:24:12.000 I just brushed it with my finger, and then eventually I got it out.
01:24:17.000 Yeah, it wasn't...
01:24:18.000 Was it an eyelash or an actual hair?
01:24:20.000 It was a hair.
01:24:21.000 How long was it?
01:24:23.000 That long?
01:24:24.000 Couldn't it, like, couldn't, wasn't part of it hanging out?
01:24:27.000 Where you could just kind of get it?
01:24:28.000 If part of it was hanging out, I would have gotten it.
01:24:30.000 So the whole hair?
01:24:31.000 Yeah, it was, it like wrapped and went up and I was trying to drag it out and it went like more into my eye.
01:24:40.000 What were you doing that it got so in your eyeball there?
01:24:42.000 I was petting my cat.
01:24:43.000 Oh, it's a cat hair.
01:24:45.000 Oh, that makes sense.
01:24:45.000 Yeah.
01:24:46.000 That makes sense.
01:24:47.000 Yeah, that's gonna cost me.
01:24:49.000 That's gonna cost me some gentleman admirers.
01:24:51.000 Cats?
01:24:52.000 Yeah.
01:24:53.000 Yeah, but it was a calculated risk.
01:24:53.000 You think so?
01:24:56.000 I had no companionship for like months of quarantine, and I was like, I just gotta adopt some cats.
01:25:03.000 And honestly, it took a lot of the pressure off, because I was like really wanting a companion, and now I'm like, I'm good.
01:25:09.000 I'm good for a while longer.
01:25:11.000 I got cats.
01:25:11.000 Is that a thing where guys don't like girls with cats?
01:25:14.000 I think it's a thing.
01:25:15.000 I also have read that 30% of men are allergic to cats.
01:25:20.000 And I think that there's definitely like a stereotype of like a single woman with cats. 1.00
01:25:24.000 I think also a lot of people let the litter box get pissy and their house smells like piss.
01:25:29.000 I clean the litter box twice a day.
01:25:32.000 Part of my morning routine, part of my bedtime routine.
01:25:35.000 Yeah, I believe you.
01:25:36.000 I've seen the way you write.
01:25:37.000 Yeah.
01:25:38.000 Double spaces.
01:25:39.000 Yeah.
01:25:40.000 Are you OCD? My dad was, and it's genetic.
01:25:40.000 Very orderly.
01:25:45.000 Oh, is it really?
01:25:46.000 OCD's genetic?
01:25:47.000 Yeah, I haven't been...
01:25:49.000 I don't know, because I don't know what it's like to be in a regular person's brain.
01:25:55.000 I know that I have tendencies, I'll tell you that.
01:25:57.000 I don't know what it's like to be in a regular person's brain.
01:26:00.000 Yeah.
01:26:00.000 Yeah, I don't know if there are regular people.
01:26:04.000 Laura, I don't think that's a real thing.
01:26:05.000 I mean, like, without OCD. Oh, okay.
01:26:08.000 I don't know.
01:26:09.000 I've never been in another brain.
01:26:11.000 Good point.
01:26:12.000 So I don't know.
01:26:13.000 Yeah.
01:26:14.000 Do you wash your hands incessantly?
01:26:15.000 I don't wash my hands incessantly.
01:26:17.000 I do think about things that I've touched.
01:26:22.000 Although I just pretty much...
01:26:24.000 Well, that's the handshake thing, right?
01:26:26.000 Yeah, that grosses me out.
01:26:29.000 Has it always grossed you out?
01:26:31.000 Yeah.
01:26:32.000 Your whole life?
01:26:33.000 I don't know.
01:26:34.000 Probably not before I knew what germs were and stuff.
01:26:37.000 Although, yeah.
01:26:37.000 Yeah.
01:26:39.000 And I don't know what that is.
01:26:41.000 I don't know if that's because I'm being touched by another person.
01:26:44.000 I don't know if it is the germs.
01:26:46.000 I think it's both.
01:26:48.000 I think that, especially now, having not shaken hands very much for a while, I think that it is strangely intimate to hold another person's Hand. 0.99
01:26:58.000 People like touch their penises with their hands. 1.00
01:27:00.000 That's what I hear. 1.00
01:27:01.000 That's like so fucked up that you would even expect me to hold that. 1.00
01:27:05.000 So gross. 1.00
01:27:07.000 And they probably don't even wash their hands. 0.96
01:27:08.000 Maybe they do.
01:27:09.000 Maybe they don't. 1.00
01:27:10.000 Even if they do, then they touch a door that was touched by someone who touched their penis and didn't wash their hands. 0.99
01:27:16.000 And maybe I don't want to touch that. 0.98
01:27:17.000 So I keep a hand sanitizer in my purse and I'll go for it before I eat.
01:27:21.000 I get it. 0.99
01:27:22.000 Yeah, I'm not too worried about a girl touching her vagina and then touching my hand. 1.00
01:27:27.000 Well, girls don't touch their vaginas to use the restroom. 1.00
01:27:31.000 To pee? 1.00
01:27:31.000 Some of them do. 1.00
01:27:32.000 They check it.
01:27:33.000 No, they don't.
01:27:34.000 They open up, look in there.
01:27:35.000 No, they don't.
01:27:37.000 Put a mirror in front of it.
01:27:38.000 Take a picture.
01:27:39.000 Send it to their friends.
01:27:41.000 That's a separate issue.
01:27:42.000 Oh.
01:27:44.000 Okay.
01:27:46.000 Yeah, germs are weird, right?
01:27:48.000 It is weird that you can get germs from someone's hands.
01:27:50.000 You're touching their body.
01:27:52.000 You're literally an ecosystem of germs.
01:27:55.000 You touch someone's body and you get...
01:27:57.000 I used to never...
01:28:01.000 Worry about that like I used to do Shows and after the show shake everyone's hand and take pictures with hundreds of people I would do like I did the Chicago theater It was like hours and hours of people in line taking pictures We were all laughing and just taking pictures of people for hours and just shook everybody's hand Wow,
01:28:19.000 and now you think about that today like God Recipe for so many diseases like how did you not get sick?
01:28:25.000 But I think it boosts your immune system.
01:28:27.000 Mm-hmm Oh, I'm sorry.
01:28:29.000 No, go ahead.
01:28:30.000 I would just be so exhausted by that.
01:28:32.000 That's such a long time.
01:28:34.000 Does that drain you?
01:28:35.000 Are you an extrovert?
01:28:36.000 Do you feel recharged by that?
01:28:38.000 No, I just felt thankful that people would come to the show.
01:28:43.000 I stopped doing it, though, because too many really crazy people would come, and it started getting...
01:28:49.000 Started getting to the point like, yeah, this could go sideways.
01:28:52.000 Yeah, dude, your crazy fans have hit me up, so I can't even imagine what you have seen.
01:28:58.000 How'd they hit you up?
01:29:00.000 I'm even afraid to say it, because what if they're watching, because they for sure are.
01:29:05.000 Okay, you have to say it.
01:29:06.000 We'll talk later.
01:29:06.000 They've hit me up in my DMs.
01:29:09.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:29:10.000 And they want me to say stuff to you.
01:29:12.000 Okay.
01:29:13.000 Please don't.
01:29:18.000 Don't tell Joe about that time I kissed you in the mouth. 1.00
01:29:20.000 No, it's like dumb shit. 1.00
01:29:21.000 It's like they want your number and stuff. 1.00
01:29:23.000 Like, obviously.
01:29:24.000 Well, that's reasonable.
01:29:26.000 Yeah.
01:29:28.000 Yeah, it's weird.
01:29:29.000 The fan thing is weird.
01:29:31.000 You must deal with like, you know, I don't want to say who it is, but there's a girl that used to go to the comedy store that stopped putting her name down on the list because she had this one rabid fucking stalker that wouldn't stop. 0.99
01:29:45.000 And it made me so angry, you know, that she was so nervous that she had to take her fucking name off of the lineup. 0.97
01:29:52.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:29:52.000 Well, there's a man there who had to do the same thing. 0.99
01:29:54.000 Really?
01:29:55.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:29:56.000 God damn. 0.99
01:29:58.000 But that's a thing, you know? 1.00
01:30:00.000 Yeah.
01:30:00.000 I hope that that doesn't happen to me, at least for like a long time.
01:30:05.000 I hope I get to enjoy some time where that's not that.
01:30:09.000 Yeah.
01:30:10.000 Did you ever have people come up to you that say like, I go to all your shows or...
01:30:15.000 Yeah, I like it.
01:30:18.000 You know, I've just had like sweet fans, you know?
01:30:21.000 That's cool.
01:30:22.000 Something that has happened that I'm like so tickled by and confused and is so weird to me is like...
01:30:30.000 There have been guys who have seen me and are too nervous to ask me for a picture, or are too nervous.
01:30:37.000 There have been two now, so not a ton, but where they're too nervous to talk to me.
01:30:44.000 And one of them I saw, and the other one told me at a later show that he stood and was ready to introduce himself, but then got too nervous.
01:30:55.000 And the idea that people would be too nervous to meet me is very flattering to me at this point.
01:31:01.000 It's way better than the forced kiss, though.
01:31:03.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:31:04.000 Yeah, I've had crazy shit happen. 0.93
01:31:06.000 I had someone grab my stomach. 0.95
01:31:08.000 I was drugged at a show.
01:31:10.000 What?
01:31:10.000 I was roofied while working a club.
01:31:13.000 When you were sober?
01:31:15.000 Yeah.
01:31:16.000 Whoa.
01:31:17.000 Where was this?
01:31:17.000 Yeah.
01:31:19.000 It rhymes with crappers.
01:31:22.000 Crappers.
01:31:23.000 Oh, in Burbank? 1.00
01:31:25.000 Holy shit! 1.00
01:31:27.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00
01:31:28.000 It was gnarly.
01:31:29.000 How long ago?
01:31:30.000 It was two years ago, maybe three.
01:31:34.000 Time is weird now.
01:31:34.000 I don't know.
01:31:35.000 Two or three years ago.
01:31:37.000 Yeah, I was like, fine.
01:31:40.000 And I was in the green room.
01:31:42.000 Do you have any idea who did it?
01:31:43.000 I have no idea who did it.
01:31:44.000 And I even called to see if they had because they have what looks like a surveillance camera in the green room.
01:31:50.000 And I called to see if they would like check the footage.
01:31:53.000 And she said that that's the one that's like not hooked up.
01:31:56.000 Oh, great.
01:31:56.000 Mm-hmm.
01:31:57.000 She said that famous people felt it was too intrusive, so they disconnected it. 0.99
01:32:01.000 And she wasn't like, but we'll reconnect it because I totally give a shit. 0.99
01:32:05.000 She gave me the third degree. 0.99
01:32:07.000 She was just like, you have no idea who did it?
01:32:10.000 Well, if it was me, I would want to know.
01:32:11.000 So you have no idea.
01:32:13.000 Did you accept any drinks from anyone? 1.00
01:32:14.000 God damn. 0.99
01:32:15.000 Yeah, one of the comics got me a Diet Coke because he was going to get himself a Coke and I asked him if he would get me a Diet Coke and then hours later this happened. 1.00
01:32:24.000 Like, he didn't drug me.
01:32:26.000 It wasn't one of the comics, you know.
01:32:28.000 I mean, I don't know.
01:32:30.000 I don't know who it was, but it was...
01:32:35.000 I went in like a second from being totally fine to being on drugs.
01:32:41.000 Like, I know what it feels like to be on drugs. 0.99
01:32:43.000 I fucking love being on drugs. 0.98
01:32:44.000 And I actually had a great night besides... 0.99
01:32:48.000 How violated I felt.
01:32:49.000 Because I was like four years sober at that point.
01:32:52.000 And I was just like, dude, I went home.
01:32:54.000 I stayed up until three o'clock in the morning with my roommate.
01:32:57.000 I like ate ice cream and laughed on the balcony.
01:33:00.000 I had the time of my life.
01:33:02.000 I was like, how did I ever stop doing drugs? 0.98
01:33:05.000 This is fucking awesome. 0.98
01:33:07.000 It felt like opiates. 0.99
01:33:09.000 And yeah, and then the next day...
01:33:13.000 Are you sure it was a roofie?
01:33:14.000 Did you get tested?
01:33:15.000 No, I didn't get tested.
01:33:16.000 And the next day I had a hangover for over 48 hours.
01:33:20.000 Are you sure it wasn't ecstasy or molly?
01:33:23.000 I have no idea what it was.
01:33:25.000 Why do you think it's a roofie though?
01:33:26.000 Because I did some Googling and the date rape drugs, it's the most common ones feel like painkillers.
01:33:37.000 And I've only ever taken two pills of Vicodin for my hand.
01:33:45.000 How was your hand?
01:33:47.000 My hand's great.
01:33:48.000 Yeah, this was before.
01:33:50.000 This was one of my failed surgeries.
01:33:53.000 And it felt like that.
01:33:55.000 It felt like those two pills of Vicodin.
01:33:59.000 So it felt like a painkiller.
01:34:01.000 And that's supposedly what roofies are like. 1.00
01:34:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:34:03.000 Yeah.
01:34:04.000 And it didn't feel like ecstasy.
01:34:06.000 Have you done ecstasy?
01:34:07.000 Yeah, I've done ecstasy.
01:34:10.000 I don't know.
01:34:11.000 No, it didn't feel like ecstasy.
01:34:12.000 My experience with ecstasy is I felt like hot and then I felt cold and I felt really cool.
01:34:17.000 I felt like I was so cool.
01:34:19.000 And I didn't feel like I was so cool on this.
01:34:21.000 I just felt like cool daddy.
01:34:22.000 I felt like I was cool.
01:34:24.000 I felt like I looked cool walking.
01:34:26.000 I thought roofies make you not know where you are or what you're doing.
01:34:30.000 I mean, I don't know.
01:34:32.000 And I also think that roofies interact with alcohol.
01:34:34.000 And I think that I did not have any alcohol in my system.
01:34:38.000 So I think that that's why I was fine.
01:34:40.000 I think that's why I was able to stay up.
01:34:42.000 I also don't know what the dose was.
01:34:44.000 I was a bigger girl.
01:34:46.000 I might have not finished my drink.
01:34:47.000 I mean, you know, there's all kinds of stuff.
01:34:49.000 I don't know.
01:34:50.000 That's kind of crazy that someone is running around just dosing comedians.
01:34:55.000 It's actually happened to a lot of people.
01:34:57.000 Because I had some bits about it that I was doing for a while.
01:35:00.000 And I had a lot of people come up to me and tell me that they'd had the same thing happen.
01:35:05.000 Men and women.
01:35:06.000 Yeah, I've talked to guys and girls that have said they've been dosed.
01:35:09.000 Yeah.
01:35:10.000 Yeah, it's spooky. 0.96
01:35:11.000 Yeah, I mean, I know men who have been raped with the date rape drug. 0.62
01:35:14.000 By a guy or girl? 0.90
01:35:15.000 By a girl.
01:35:17.000 Hmm, did they really though?
01:35:19.000 I mean, I think so. 0.99
01:35:20.000 If they had a drink and don't remember what happened after that and woke up naked next to a fucking crazy chick who did the same thing to their friends. 0.99
01:35:27.000 Oh. 0.99
01:35:28.000 So she just does it to people? 1.00
01:35:28.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:35:30.000 Yeah.
01:35:31.000 I don't understand.
01:35:31.000 Wow.
01:35:32.000 You think girls don't have to do that. 1.00
01:35:33.000 How it works anyway.
01:35:35.000 Unless someone's mentally ill and it's a control thing and it's a power thing and it's because the person has no control or no power. 0.73
01:35:43.000 I totally believe it.
01:35:44.000 Yeah.
01:35:44.000 Yeah.
01:35:45.000 Because also, I mean, why would they make that up?
01:35:49.000 Why would a guy, you know, why would a guy make that up?
01:35:51.000 People make things up.
01:35:52.000 Maybe he's just trying to commiserate with you.
01:35:53.000 I hadn't told him this.
01:35:55.000 Oh, so he told you first?
01:35:57.000 Yeah.
01:35:58.000 And then you're like, well, guess what happened to me?
01:35:59.000 No.
01:36:01.000 I don't remember my story in any way in relation to his story.
01:36:05.000 Let's find out what the effects of, is it Rohypnol?
01:36:10.000 How do you say it?
01:36:11.000 Rohypnol.
01:36:12.000 Rohypnol?
01:36:15.000 Let's find out what the effects are.
01:36:17.000 Can I run and use the restroom?
01:36:18.000 Oh, hell yeah.
01:36:18.000 Okay, cool.
01:36:19.000 Want to take your headphones off first?
01:36:21.000 Yeah, I'm good.
01:36:24.000 You know where it is, right?
01:36:26.000 Yeah.
01:36:26.000 Okay.
01:36:30.000 What's it got?
01:36:31.000 You ever been roofied, Jamie?
01:36:33.000 I don't think so.
01:36:34.000 You probably wouldn't even notice it.
01:36:36.000 No. 1.00
01:36:37.000 If somebody tried to dose you with weed, it'd be their fucking loss. 0.99
01:36:40.000 It'd be a waste of money. 1.00
01:36:41.000 Ha ha.
01:36:41.000 You'd be like, ha ha.
01:36:42.000 For people who don't know, Jamie is impervious to edibles for whatever reason.
01:36:48.000 He can get high if he smokes weed.
01:36:51.000 But you've eaten about a thousand milligrams at one point in time?
01:36:53.000 According to the last time I brought this up, I may lack...
01:36:56.000 Our WebMDs in my DMs told me I may lack an enzyme of some sort in my liver.
01:37:03.000 I may want to try...
01:37:05.000 Crack?
01:37:08.000 Something to bond it to.
01:37:09.000 Sort of like vitamin D needs something.
01:37:11.000 Maybe that goes into lacking something.
01:37:14.000 I don't know.
01:37:15.000 Do you miss it?
01:37:17.000 I've heard the stories of you and everyone saying what happens to them when they've eaten X. I'm like, hmm, weed doesn't do that to me.
01:37:24.000 I wonder what that's like.
01:37:26.000 Let's see.
01:37:26.000 And I just am like, I don't feel anything.
01:37:29.000 Heavy doses of weed might as well be acid.
01:37:33.000 It's like, I mean, without the visuals, it's a heavy psychedelic.
01:37:36.000 You know what it does?
01:37:37.000 If you close your eyes.
01:37:39.000 Like, a heavy dose of weed, when you close your eyes, you have like a light show. 0.99
01:37:44.000 Like this crazy, for me, I always describe it as like, I've seen neon cartoons fucking. 0.96
01:37:52.000 One time, I remember I took an edible and went on a plane, and I closed my eyes, and I was just watching this cartoon play out. 0.99
01:38:00.000 It was like old-timey, early Mickey Mouse days kind of cartoons, but they were neon, and everyone was fucking. 0.99
01:38:08.000 All the cartoons were fucking. 1.00
01:38:10.000 Dogs were fucking people. 1.00
01:38:11.000 People were fucking mice. 1.00
01:38:13.000 Completely different than your description of DMT, obviously. 0.99
01:38:17.000 Yeah, way different.
01:38:18.000 Is it different than mushrooms, then?
01:38:20.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:38:21.000 For me, mushrooms have always been...
01:38:24.000 I see iconic imagery. 0.91
01:38:27.000 I see pyramids and Mayan ruins and hieroglyphs and shit like that.
01:38:34.000 And weird visualizations and geometric patterns. 0.53
01:38:38.000 Yeah.
01:38:39.000 I always feel like I can see the fiber of life appearing before me.
01:38:45.000 It shows me some key...
01:38:49.000 You know how when you would play Quake, I don't know if you ever played it before, where you turned off all the textures?
01:38:56.000 Did you ever do that?
01:38:57.000 Yeah, if people didn't do it, it's Chanel.
01:38:58.000 You know how guys like will make maps and you could go to the like especially like Quake 2 and Quake 3 Quake 2 in particular you could go and see how they were making the maps and it's almost like oh you see the structure of everything it's like when I've taken mushrooms there's been times where I thought I had a better understanding of the structure Of the things that I was seeing.
01:39:20.000 Whether it's people or buildings or even outside and trees and everything just like looked, I understood it more.
01:39:27.000 Like I could see it more.
01:39:29.000 I don't get that with weed.
01:39:31.000 With edible weed I just get this like Bizarre exposure to reality like really bizarre like all like hyper aware of all of my vulnerabilities hyper aware of Of everything hyper aware of just so that one time I went did 1300 milligrams.
01:39:52.000 I was at a concert where 1300. It's so hard.
01:39:54.000 You were in a dome and there were visuals like you're explaining.
01:39:57.000 Maybe that would have done something.
01:39:58.000 But I do remember a very specific moment during it.
01:40:00.000 I was focusing on something in the background of the music.
01:40:04.000 And I was asking all my friends, do you hear that? 0.99
01:40:06.000 And they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
01:40:08.000 I'm like... 0.99
01:40:08.000 There's a sample in the background there. 0.99
01:40:10.000 It's like a melody I've heard when I was younger or something.
01:40:15.000 I was freaking out.
01:40:16.000 I was like, no one hears this?
01:40:17.000 And then for three, four, five months before that song ever came out fully, I could never hear it again, and I always wondered.
01:40:23.000 Then I finally figured out what it was, and it was like this sample from the fabulous Johnson Brothers or something.
01:40:30.000 Oh, and it's like way behind.
01:40:32.000 It's like deep in the background of the music.
01:40:34.000 I just heard it.
01:40:35.000 The layers of sound that they put together with some songs.
01:40:39.000 It's like you don't fully appreciate it until you hear it breaking, pulled apart.
01:40:45.000 There's some cool videos some young DJs have made on TikTok.
01:40:48.000 Oh, she's probably locked out. 1.00
01:40:50.000 Did you get locked out?
01:40:51.000 Yeah, she shut the door too, if I just realized.
01:40:53.000 Doing that, showing how Drake's producer has taken this Whitney Houston four-second sample, reversed it, pitched it up really high, and then they slowly fade into the song you recognize.
01:41:08.000 You're like, I never knew that was Whitney Houston.
01:41:10.000 How would I have ever gotten there?
01:41:11.000 But they show you in like 30 seconds.
01:41:13.000 It's really cool.
01:41:14.000 We're talking about music, man.
01:41:18.000 Cool.
01:41:19.000 Here's the rohyphenol stuff, just so she's back.
01:41:22.000 Side effects.
01:41:23.000 What is rohyphenol?
01:41:25.000 Why is rohyphenol called a date rape drug?
01:41:28.000 Amnesia is an expected pharmacological effect of benzodiazepines.
01:41:32.000 Oh, rohyphenol is a benzodiazepine?
01:41:36.000 Rohypnol causes partial amnesia.
01:41:39.000 Individuals are unable to remember certain events that they experience while under the influence of the drug.
01:41:45.000 However, this effect is particularly dangerous when Rohypnol is used illicitly to aid in sexual assault.
01:41:52.000 Victims may not be able to clearly recall the assault of the assailant.
01:41:56.000 How is it taken?
01:41:57.000 It can be taken by mouth?
01:41:59.000 Whole tablet?
01:42:01.000 Rohyphnol is not approved for medical use or manufactured in the United States and it's not available legally.
01:42:07.000 Really?
01:42:08.000 So, maybe it wasn't that.
01:42:12.000 Because it says it causes amnesia.
01:42:15.000 Maybe someone did give you a painkiller.
01:42:17.000 Yeah, I really don't know.
01:42:19.000 Somebody dosed you.
01:42:21.000 Okay, drowsiness, sleep, dizziness, loss of motor control, decreased reaction time, impaired judgment, lack of coordination, slurred speech, confusion, aggression or excitability, loss of memory of events while under the influence,
01:42:38.000 stomach disturbances, respiratory depression at higher dosage.
01:42:41.000 Yeah, I experienced zero of those.
01:42:43.000 But aren't there, if you look it up, aren't there other things that people drug people with?
01:42:48.000 Well, it sounds like a painkiller if you've had painkillers and it was like when you were on a painkiller.
01:42:54.000 Yeah, that seems like a really reasonable way to connect the dots. 0.99
01:42:59.000 Yeah, because I think that's the whole reason why assholes give it to people. 0.98
01:43:03.000 It's because they can't remember anything. 0.99
01:43:05.000 Yeah.
01:43:06.000 Yeah. 0.95
01:43:07.000 Yeah, I was talking about, like, being sober in my set, and so I wondered if someone was just fucking with me.
01:43:12.000 I didn't feel like, I mean, I know that I wouldn't know, but I didn't feel like anyone was targeting me to, like, rape me because... 0.95
01:43:22.000 They were ineffective.
01:43:23.000 Yeah, they were ineffective.
01:43:25.000 I just went and got my check.
01:43:25.000 Yeah, maybe.
01:43:26.000 I called my friend and was like, I need you to pick me up right now.
01:43:29.000 And then I got my check.
01:43:31.000 But you stayed awake.
01:43:32.000 And then I got picked up.
01:43:33.000 Yeah.
01:43:33.000 See, that's the thing.
01:43:34.000 You stayed awake and you remember it.
01:43:35.000 What do I know?
01:43:36.000 But I've never...
01:43:37.000 The only painkillers I've ever taken is I had knee surgery and I got a morphine drip when I was in the hospital. 0.96
01:43:45.000 Damn, that sounds awesome. 0.96
01:43:46.000 It was wild. 0.99
01:43:47.000 Yeah.
01:43:47.000 Because you could just hammer it anytime you want.
01:43:49.000 Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
01:43:49.000 Yeah.
01:43:50.000 And just...
01:43:51.000 I've seen my mom on morphine and it looks like a good time.
01:43:54.000 I mean, she had had surgery.
01:43:55.000 She wasn't just like on the couch.
01:43:57.000 Yeah, me too.
01:43:58.000 I was on this perpetual motion machine because it was ACL surgery.
01:43:58.000 Yeah.
01:44:03.000 So they want you to keep your knee moving.
01:44:06.000 So it straightens your knee and straightens it out and bends it and straightens it out.
01:44:10.000 And it's just constantly going...
01:44:12.000 While I'm in bed, post-surgery, throbbing, just...
01:44:17.000 Hammering that morphine thing.
01:44:18.000 It's pretty wild.
01:44:20.000 I've done that.
01:44:21.000 But I had another knee surgery, and they gave me something.
01:44:27.000 It was either Vicodin's or Percocet's. 0.97
01:44:29.000 I can't remember, but I took one, and I felt so stupid. 0.81
01:44:33.000 I was like, I'd rather be in pain.
01:44:35.000 This does not react well with me at all.
01:44:38.000 Yeah, I had those two pills and then I have turned that down every other time because I'm addicted to it.
01:44:48.000 I mean, let's be honest.
01:44:50.000 It's just the way that my brain works.
01:44:53.000 But even when you got dosed, you didn't start using again.
01:44:57.000 No.
01:44:58.000 You understand.
01:44:59.000 There's another drug that people apparently say is also a date rape drug, GHB, and that does have some similar effects as you sort of say.
01:45:09.000 Yeah, that's a liquid one too, right?
01:45:11.000 Yeah.
01:45:12.000 I've heard of people getting dosed with that too.
01:45:14.000 Okay.
01:45:15.000 Increases levels of dopamine in the brain?
01:45:17.000 That sounds right to me.
01:45:18.000 Yeah.
01:45:21.000 Loss of inhibition.
01:45:23.000 They start within 5 to 20 minutes, taking the drug 3 to 4 hours.
01:45:27.000 It lasts.
01:45:28.000 GHB causes a loss of inhibition, relaxes people, boosts their sex drive, and promotes feelings of euphoria.
01:45:33.000 But side effects include memory lapses, drowsiness, clumsiness, dizziness, or headache, lowered temperature, tremors, nausea, and diarrhea.
01:45:42.000 Did you poop your pants at all?
01:45:43.000 I didn't poop my pants.
01:45:45.000 I had a wicked hangover.
01:45:47.000 I had a hangover for over 48 hours.
01:45:49.000 Did you get hangovers when you would take pills back in the day?
01:45:54.000 I was never like a pill person.
01:45:57.000 I got hangovers from alcohol every single day.
01:46:00.000 So when you had like your hand surgery, did you worry about taking pain medication?
01:46:04.000 I just took ibuprofen.
01:46:07.000 Yeah?
01:46:07.000 Yeah.
01:46:09.000 That's good.
01:46:10.000 Because I wouldn't have.
01:46:11.000 I thought about it, but it wasn't worth it.
01:46:15.000 If I had, I mean, I definitely believe in letting doctors do their jobs.
01:46:19.000 And if I had, you know, a spinal surgery or a knee surgery or something else where the doctor was like, no, you need some serious painkillers, then I would take them.
01:46:27.000 But if it's something where, like, I have the choice.
01:46:30.000 Yeah, I do know guys have done that and started using again.
01:46:33.000 I do too.
01:46:34.000 I do too. 1.00
01:46:34.000 It's scary shit, right? 1.00
01:46:36.000 Because you don't want to be in fucking agony from a surgery, but then it's like, you don't want to also go off the deep end and ruin your life too. 1.00
01:46:43.000 The problem is opening the door, right? 0.99
01:46:45.000 I'm guessing.
01:46:46.000 Yeah.
01:46:47.000 You know, I'm not an addict, but I would imagine the problem is opening the door.
01:46:51.000 And letting those pills in again.
01:46:51.000 Yeah.
01:46:54.000 Yeah, they suggest having someone else hold on to them and, like, dose them to you where you can't, like, find them or get to them.
01:47:03.000 But the thing is, like, addicts are smart about getting their hands on drugs that they need, you know, that they want.
01:47:10.000 So it's like, even if it starts off like that... 1.00
01:47:13.000 People are easy to talk into shit, too. 0.99
01:47:15.000 Like, I feel like if I had someone give me my medicine, had a friend dosing it out to me, and then I was like, you know what? 1.00
01:47:22.000 This is getting to be a pain in the ass. 0.99
01:47:23.000 I'm not, like, loving this. 0.99
01:47:24.000 I'm not worried about it.
01:47:26.000 I can just take them.
01:47:27.000 That would be the end of the conversation, and they would give them to me.
01:47:29.000 Wheel your way in.
01:47:30.000 Absolutely.
01:47:31.000 Next thing you know, you're lying on your couch.
01:47:38.000 Lying on my couch, relaxing.
01:47:40.000 Cats are walking on your face.
01:47:46.000 It's that simple.
01:47:48.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:47:49.000 Fucking weird. 0.99
01:47:50.000 Human beings are so weird when it comes to substances to perturb our consciousness. 0.99
01:47:54.000 Like people love to do it.
01:47:56.000 They love to find something.
01:47:57.000 And you know with you maybe now it's working out or maybe it's like going on stage.
01:48:02.000 Like there's part of it is just the the art form that you love and the thrill of performing and make people happy and laugh.
01:48:08.000 But there's probably a little bit of a drug thing there too.
01:48:11.000 Oh with me it's still the food.
01:48:14.000 The food is...
01:48:15.000 I think about food all day long.
01:48:18.000 I have a constant countdown clock till the next time that it's time for me to eat.
01:48:23.000 And the only difference...
01:48:24.000 You have a countdown clock on your phone?
01:48:25.000 In my head.
01:48:26.000 I'm always thinking about it.
01:48:26.000 Oh.
01:48:28.000 I get sad while I'm eating every time I eat because the meal's gonna end.
01:48:33.000 I spend the whole time I eat bummed out because it's going to end.
01:48:37.000 And then I'm constantly counting down to the next time I get to eat.
01:48:41.000 And it was like that before.
01:48:42.000 It was like that when I was eating whatever I wanted to.
01:48:45.000 The only difference is I'm not eating 20 times a day now.
01:48:48.000 You know what I mean?
01:48:49.000 So you just always have loved food.
01:48:51.000 Yeah.
01:48:52.000 I mean, yeah.
01:48:55.000 It's interesting, because with addiction, it's less about enjoying than wanting.
01:49:00.000 I've always wanted a lot of food.
01:49:03.000 From the time I... I mean, there are pictures of me as a baby stuffing the biggest bite in my face that I could.
01:49:11.000 I was born fat.
01:49:13.000 I mean, I just have...
01:49:15.000 Yeah, from the time I was a little kid.
01:49:17.000 I think I just liked getting out of reality from the time I was a little kid.
01:49:23.000 I was a daydreamer, and then I was an eater, and then I was a drinker, you know, and now I like meditate and try to be present.
01:49:33.000 But I also have a life that I like more now than I liked my life when I was a little kid, so I can be present now.
01:49:39.000 What kind of meditating do you do?
01:49:40.000 I do 20 minutes a day where I just meditate.
01:49:46.000 I mean, I focus on my breath.
01:49:48.000 Sometimes I'll do a body scan.
01:49:51.000 A body scan?
01:49:52.000 Yeah.
01:49:53.000 You can start at your tips of your toes or the top of your head.
01:49:57.000 And then just focus in on, like, relax your scalp.
01:50:02.000 Relax your forehead.
01:50:03.000 Relax your eyes.
01:50:05.000 Relax your nose.
01:50:06.000 And you just spend time on every part of your body.
01:50:10.000 Just relaxing it is what I do.
01:50:13.000 Did you learn this method from someone?
01:50:16.000 Yeah, but I can't remember who or when, but something that really changed the way that I looked at meditation was Jimmy Shin, who I'm sure you know, or you don't at all, and that's fine too.
01:50:29.000 He ran shows at the Comedy Store, and he and our friend Greg were talking to me about it, and they said that You can have your thoughts racing the entire time you're meditating and have that still be a perfect meditation.
01:50:46.000 Because I was always obsessed with like, I'm doing it wrong.
01:50:49.000 I suck at this.
01:50:51.000 I keep thinking stuff. 0.99
01:50:52.000 I can't do this.
01:50:53.000 It's too frustrating.
01:50:54.000 And then I would quit.
01:50:56.000 And once I accepted that I could think the whole time, then I was ready to like do it.
01:51:04.000 Because I'm such a perfectionist that the idea of being bad at something, like I don't want to do it.
01:51:09.000 And...
01:51:11.000 Now I really like it.
01:51:12.000 And now when I have a thought come into my head, as they do, I imagine it just like releasing out through my chest like steam and just going up.
01:51:21.000 I meditate lying on my back.
01:51:24.000 Do you ever do breathing exercises?
01:51:26.000 I hate breathing exercises.
01:51:29.000 I've done them and I don't like them.
01:51:29.000 Really?
01:51:31.000 Why don't you like them?
01:51:32.000 I've done like, because they make me panic.
01:51:35.000 I don't like them.
01:51:36.000 They make me feel like I'm short of breath.
01:51:40.000 They do.
01:51:40.000 They make me feel like I'm short of breath.
01:51:42.000 I've done the one where you breathe in through the nostril and then breathe out through it and then do that.
01:51:47.000 Covering each nostril, is that what you're saying?
01:51:49.000 Yeah.
01:51:50.000 I don't like counting for the, because then I just get to, I don't like it.
01:51:55.000 Yeah, that's my favorite.
01:51:56.000 I like counting.
01:51:58.000 No, I feel like I can't get enough breath then.
01:52:00.000 I do two different ways.
01:52:02.000 I either do box breathing, which is like five seconds in, hold for five, and then release for five.
01:52:10.000 I do it in this cycle.
01:52:12.000 Or I do six seconds in, six seconds out.
01:52:17.000 That's the one I do the most because that's the one I do in the sauna.
01:52:20.000 Mm-hmm.
01:52:21.000 Why I don't do five and five.
01:52:24.000 I don't know.
01:52:24.000 It's just like I started doing just six in and six out and I found a way where if I do it on a regular basis and just thinking about my breathing I can get into this weird trance.
01:52:34.000 And a couple of times I've done it where I think I've achieved like some bizarre psychedelic state.
01:52:40.000 And I haven't been able to do it recently.
01:52:43.000 Like last time I did it was months ago, but I still do the breathing thing, but I think maybe I'm using it too hot.
01:52:49.000 I think maybe if I lower the temperature to like 170 instead of like 185, I'll be able to relax a little bit more and I'll be able to achieve that state again.
01:52:58.000 Because I think the times I've achieved the state, I was using a sauna that didn't get as hot. 0.95
01:53:03.000 Damn, and you don't faint? 0.99
01:53:05.000 No. 1.00
01:53:06.000 No, I've been doing it a long time, though.
01:53:08.000 I've had a sauna at my house.
01:53:09.000 I used to have a sauna at the old gym or the old studio in LA. It has a gym attached to it with a sauna.
01:53:17.000 And so I would do a sauna all the time.
01:53:20.000 And I would crank it to like 200, 220. Wow.
01:53:23.000 Have you ever fainted just as a person in life?
01:53:26.000 Wow.
01:53:26.000 No.
01:53:27.000 No, no, no.
01:53:28.000 I've never fainted.
01:53:29.000 Cool.
01:53:29.000 That's really hot.
01:53:30.000 Yeah, I'm obsessed with...
01:53:32.000 Um, control.
01:53:34.000 I don't think I'd be into fainting.
01:53:36.000 I've never even been knocked unconscious.
01:53:38.000 You've never been knocked unconscious?
01:53:40.000 Nope.
01:53:41.000 Wow!
01:53:42.000 That's crazy!
01:53:43.000 How not?
01:53:44.000 I don't know.
01:53:45.000 Wow!
01:53:47.000 You've been knocked unconscious?
01:53:48.000 No, but I'm not a fighter.
01:53:50.000 I never fought professionally.
01:53:53.000 I thought you were going to say, like, oh, I get knocked unconscious all the time.
01:53:56.000 No, I've fainted a lot.
01:53:57.000 I've never been knocked unconscious, though.
01:53:59.000 I've been dropped where, like, my legs gave out.
01:54:02.000 The last fight that I had, the last kickboxing fight, I got hit with a left hook, and my legs just stopped working, and they went like this.
01:54:07.000 Weak!
01:54:08.000 Whoa.
01:54:08.000 It was weird.
01:54:09.000 Like, they shut off.
01:54:10.000 Did salvia.
01:54:11.000 That's a crazy feeling.
01:54:12.000 It's a crazy feeling when your legs just clock out.
01:54:15.000 Salvia is so strange.
01:54:17.000 That's one of the strangest drugs.
01:54:19.000 You used to be able to buy salvia at head shops. 0.98
01:54:22.000 I don't know if you still can, but I was like, and I remember doing it, going, this is fucking bananas. 0.93
01:54:27.000 You could just get this at the store. 0.94
01:54:29.000 Because they missed it.
01:54:30.000 You know?
01:54:31.000 They just didn't regulate it.
01:54:33.000 There was so many drugs that were, like, completely illegal. 1.00
01:54:36.000 And this one that was like, holy shit! 0.97
01:54:38.000 There's a video of Ari, okay? 0.99
01:54:40.000 Ari Shafir did salvia at Brian Redband's house.
01:54:44.000 And they made a video out of it.
01:54:45.000 And Ari was only under for ten minutes.
01:54:47.000 He swears to God that he lived months of a different life doing salvia.
01:54:52.000 He had friendships.
01:54:54.000 He had relationships.
01:54:56.000 He lived for months.
01:54:58.000 And I don't think he's lying.
01:55:00.000 No, I don't think so either.
01:55:01.000 I'm telling you, when you see him next, ask him the question, ask him about it, and he'll tell you.
01:55:06.000 It is a wild story, because he describes it in deep depth.
01:55:10.000 He's like, I'm telling you, man, I was living there.
01:55:14.000 I was living for months and months, and then I came out of it, and I was like, oh my god.
01:55:18.000 And he was like, how long has I gone?
01:55:20.000 They're like 10 minutes. 1.00
01:55:21.000 I was like, what the fuck? 0.99
01:55:23.000 Like, he lived another life for months. 1.00
01:55:28.000 The way he describes it, it's too vivid.
01:55:31.000 I believe him.
01:55:32.000 Oh, absolutely.
01:55:33.000 And hallucinations is her.
01:55:35.000 Watch, he's going to hit it.
01:55:37.000 He takes his big giant hit.
01:55:41.000 And then he sits back.
01:55:44.000 And look at him.
01:55:48.000 He's just hanging on there.
01:55:53.000 And then eventually...
01:55:55.000 Yeah, there he goes.
01:55:57.000 He was thinking it didn't do anything, but eventually it just takes hold of him.
01:56:01.000 Remember that did happen?
01:56:01.000 He took one hit and it didn't hit, so he does it again.
01:56:04.000 Oh, that's what it is, right?
01:56:05.000 He took the second hit and now he's gone.
01:56:07.000 Now he's gone.
01:56:08.000 So this is one minute into a four minute video?
01:56:11.000 Yeah.
01:56:12.000 By the time we're two minutes in, he's freaking out.
01:56:14.000 Put the mic closer?
01:56:15.000 Yeah.
01:56:18.000 Look at Tripoli.
01:56:19.000 Look at Tripoli.
01:56:21.000 He lived a whole life there.
01:56:23.000 Help me.
01:56:28.000 Stop yelling.
01:56:30.000 Stop yelling.
01:56:30.000 Stop yelling.
01:56:30.000 Stop yelling.
01:56:30.000 Stop yelling.
01:56:32.000 Please don't bring it up.
01:56:33.000 Please help me get up right now.
01:56:36.000 You're bleeding at Tripoli.
01:56:38.000 Like a Tripoli with the sunglasses on. 0.99
01:56:40.000 That is so hilarious.
01:56:41.000 He does not want that.
01:56:43.000 That is so hilarious.
01:56:45.000 That was when Red Band had the studio at his house.
01:56:48.000 So he's talked about this on Theo Vaughn's podcast.
01:56:50.000 He also wrote it out.
01:56:52.000 That's on a Reddit post from a long time ago, but probably the more recent him talking about it.
01:56:57.000 So he talked about the months that he felt like he was...
01:56:59.000 He explained it, yeah.
01:57:01.000 Like, he lived...
01:57:02.000 Like, I don't think it's true, but I don't not think it's true.
01:57:06.000 Well the thing about hallucinations is they occur in the same part of the brain as sight.
01:57:12.000 So if you hallucinate you are seeing the thing.
01:57:15.000 So I absolutely believe that a drug could unlock a door in the brain that's best left locked and he could have all those experiences and fully have had them.
01:57:26.000 Time is an illusion.
01:57:29.000 I fainted in the high school cafeteria once and Was shooting through space with stars coming at me for years.
01:57:38.000 I mean, just for years.
01:57:40.000 And I opened my eyes and saw the blue streamers.
01:57:44.000 And I knew where I was right away, but I couldn't believe I was still there.
01:57:50.000 So I haven't had it where I had other experiences, but I've had that feeling of a lot of time passing and then coming back and feeling like I traveled through time, essentially.
01:58:02.000 Is that the only time you've ever fainted?
01:58:03.000 No, I fainted a bunch.
01:58:04.000 Really?
01:58:05.000 Yeah.
01:58:05.000 What makes you faint?
01:58:07.000 I fainted from low blood sugar.
01:58:10.000 I fainted from getting too hot.
01:58:12.000 I fainted from getting too nervous.
01:58:16.000 I fainted from drugs.
01:58:18.000 And I think that's it.
01:58:20.000 Nervousness has made you faint?
01:58:21.000 Yeah, I fainted after I gave a speech in high school.
01:58:25.000 Yeah.
01:58:26.000 And I think there was one other time I fainted from being nervous.
01:58:31.000 Yeah.
01:58:33.000 Wow.
01:58:33.000 At least you didn't faint before.
01:58:36.000 I wish I'd fainted before.
01:58:38.000 I wouldn't have to give this speech.
01:58:40.000 I delivered my first line and then my first line was, I am a servant.
01:58:44.000 And I forgot everything else.
01:58:46.000 And then I fainted.
01:58:48.000 Yeah.
01:58:50.000 I was so pissed. 0.97
01:58:52.000 I practiced so fucking hard for that thing. 0.93
01:58:54.000 And then I just, everyone looking at me and I blacked out. 0.88
01:58:58.000 Don't you think, though, that kind of prepared you for doing stand-up?
01:59:01.000 Like having such a crazy experience of nervousness and like you got your first dose of what it's like to face that fear.
01:59:09.000 I think it's a miracle that I've never...
01:59:12.000 Because I threw up before a piano recital when I was a little kid, too.
01:59:16.000 And I think it's a miracle that I've never fainted or thrown up before a show.
01:59:21.000 It is a miracle.
01:59:22.000 Because I've been so much more nervous before shows because they've actually mattered.
01:59:26.000 They've been important.
01:59:28.000 My piano recital, I wasn't going to get into Juilliard if I played Simple Gifts well when I was seven, you know?
01:59:36.000 Maybe that's why you didn't faint or throw up, because it matters to you.
01:59:42.000 It's like this part of you that's like, this isn't just nervous, it's also important.
01:59:47.000 I do feel unstoppable with comedy.
01:59:50.000 Unstoppable is a good word.
01:59:52.000 Yeah, I feel like it's my destiny.
01:59:53.000 That should be the name of your first special.
01:59:55.000 I like that.
01:59:56.000 Laura Beats Unstoppable. 1.00
01:59:57.000 Laura Bites. 1.00
01:59:58.000 Bites.
01:59:59.000 Like biting.
01:59:59.000 Bites.
02:00:00.000 Did I say your name wrong?
02:00:02.000 No, it's just so much worse if it's Laura Bites.
02:00:06.000 That's why I want you to know.
02:00:07.000 It's so much worse.
02:00:09.000 I've said it right, but I've said it wrong too.
02:00:11.000 Yeah.
02:00:11.000 Just the way it's spelled.
02:00:13.000 Yeah.
02:00:14.000 It looks like Bites.
02:00:17.000 Yeah, it's awful.
02:00:20.000 It's the worst name.
02:00:21.000 It's not.
02:00:23.000 It's not the worst name.
02:00:24.000 It's only okay for a comedian.
02:00:26.000 I couldn't do anything else.
02:00:27.000 That's not true.
02:00:28.000 You could be like a CEO of a bank.
02:00:30.000 Lara Bites. 1.00
02:00:31.000 Why not?
02:00:33.000 You could be a teacher.
02:00:34.000 You could be Miss Bites. 0.86
02:00:35.000 Oh my god.
02:00:36.000 A teacher is the last thing I would be.
02:00:37.000 Your kids would make fun of you.
02:00:39.000 I would have to spend my entire...
02:00:41.000 That would be such a purgatory to spend the beginning of my life and then the rest of my life being made fun of by kids in school.
02:00:47.000 Would it be though?
02:00:49.000 If you're a nice teacher...
02:00:51.000 Your kids will roast you anyway. 0.99
02:00:53.000 They're kids.
02:00:54.000 Yeah.
02:00:55.000 That's true.
02:00:56.000 Laura bites. 1.00
02:00:57.000 They'll definitely do it behind your back.
02:00:58.000 Yeah.
02:01:00.000 Have you thought about changing your name?
02:01:02.000 Like Laura Mencia or something?
02:01:03.000 Yeah, dude. 0.95
02:01:04.000 I really planned to get married at some fucking point here when I was a kid, but I guess that's not going to happen. 0.96
02:01:12.000 I was going to change my name so fast. 0.97
02:01:14.000 I'm 36. Dude, you can still pull it off.
02:01:17.000 I could still get married? 0.99
02:01:18.000 Well yeah, I'm not fucking dead. 0.98
02:01:20.000 That's what I'm saying. 0.98
02:01:20.000 80 year olds get married. 0.98
02:01:22.000 You're saying like I was saying you couldn't.
02:01:23.000 Now you're arguing with me.
02:01:25.000 But I can't change my name now though.
02:01:32.000 Okay.
02:01:33.000 You mean for stand up?
02:01:34.000 Yeah.
02:01:34.000 You certainly could.
02:01:37.000 What are you talking about?
02:01:39.000 I don't know.
02:01:42.000 What if tomorrow you just were like Joe Johnson? 1.00
02:01:46.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99
02:01:47.000 Maybe I will. 0.99
02:01:48.000 Maybe I'll change it.
02:01:50.000 To spite me?
02:01:51.000 No.
02:01:51.000 To be Joe Johnson?
02:01:52.000 I'm going to be Laura Bites.
02:01:54.000 I'm going to change my name.
02:01:55.000 I would be so pissed if you did that. 0.85
02:02:00.000 Just make me un-Google-able.
02:02:02.000 You could absolutely do that, too.
02:02:05.000 Just make me un-Google-able.
02:02:06.000 Just change my name.
02:02:08.000 People are like, what are you doing?
02:02:09.000 Proving a point.
02:02:12.000 I guess.
02:02:13.000 Yeah, I mean, Eliza is just Eliza now.
02:02:16.000 She was Eliza Schlesinger forever.
02:02:18.000 Yeah, when did she- Sebastian Maniscalco?
02:02:20.000 Not anymore.
02:02:21.000 Just Sebastian.
02:02:23.000 I guess that's true.
02:02:24.000 You could just be Laura.
02:02:25.000 But everyone calls me Laura.
02:02:26.000 Oh.
02:02:27.000 But it's L-A-R-A. It's Laura.
02:02:29.000 It's Laura?
02:02:30.000 Yeah.
02:02:31.000 Yeah, my sister's name's Laura.
02:02:32.000 I know the difference.
02:02:33.000 Yeah.
02:02:34.000 Thanks, I appreciate that.
02:02:35.000 Why don't you just call yourself Laura? 0.83
02:02:37.000 There's no other Laras. 0.99
02:02:38.000 I guess that's true.
02:02:39.000 That's what I'm talking about.
02:02:40.000 I don't know.
02:02:41.000 I don't know if I... Please welcome Laura!
02:02:46.000 Yeah, but that seems...
02:02:48.000 I don't know.
02:02:49.000 Do you think I got it? 0.92
02:02:50.000 Yeah, I don't want to shit on Sebastian or Eliza because I have a lot of respect for both of them. 0.93
02:02:56.000 Right. 0.97
02:02:56.000 Well, Roseanne pulled it off. 0.97
02:02:59.000 Yeah.
02:02:59.000 She used to be Roseanne Barr.
02:03:00.000 But that's Roseanne. 0.95
02:03:01.000 I don't have Roseanne energy.
02:03:04.000 Yeah.
02:03:06.000 I guess I could cut it.
02:03:08.000 But how would I begin that?
02:03:10.000 Today?
02:03:11.000 Just change my Instagram?
02:03:13.000 Right now.
02:03:13.000 At Lara?
02:03:14.000 Just Lara.
02:03:15.000 It's too short.
02:03:16.000 L-A-R-A. No, it's perfect. 0.97
02:03:17.000 I bet if you looked on Instagram right now, before the show airs, I bet you could get it.
02:03:22.000 I bet nobody has Lara.
02:03:24.000 Maybe.
02:03:26.000 Jamie?
02:03:26.000 Jamie?
02:03:27.000 Checking.
02:03:27.000 I don't know how to really check.
02:03:28.000 L-A-R-A. Just at L-A-R-A. If you search it, though, it's searching for...
02:03:32.000 Better not be some fucking dumb bitch. 1.00
02:03:34.000 I think there's lots of sluts who have my name. 1.00
02:03:37.000 There is a verified account, actually. 0.93
02:03:40.000 Really?
02:03:40.000 What?
02:03:41.000 God damn it. 0.99
02:03:41.000 Who are they? 0.99
02:03:42.000 It's Lara. 0.99
02:03:43.000 I don't fucking know. 0.98
02:03:44.000 What does she do? 1.00
02:03:44.000 Let's see. 1.00
02:03:46.000 Ruins my plan, I guess.
02:03:47.000 She's an artist, musician.
02:03:48.000 Shout out to Lara. 0.92
02:03:49.000 Wow, she looks cool.
02:03:50.000 Yeah.
02:03:50.000 Spanish.
02:03:52.000 Damn. 1.00
02:03:52.000 Well, that's that. 1.00
02:03:53.000 That settles that.
02:03:54.000 I don't know.
02:03:54.000 She's hot and she wears glasses.
02:03:57.000 It's a win-win.
02:03:59.000 Wait, is that?
02:04:00.000 That's her handle? 0.99
02:04:01.000 Yeah.
02:04:02.000 At Lara. 0.99
02:04:03.000 Damn it. 0.99
02:04:04.000 How about that? 1.00
02:04:05.000 She's got 102,000 followers, Lara. 1.00
02:04:06.000 Damn. 0.99
02:04:07.000 Well, I guess there you have it. 1.00
02:04:10.000 Maybe when you blow up, you can buy it from her. 1.00
02:04:12.000 So there's a bitch. 1.00
02:04:13.000 What about bites? 1.00
02:04:17.000 What about just bites?
02:04:19.000 You sell appetizers.
02:04:22.000 Yeah, it's, um...
02:04:23.000 When you have, like, Schlesinger, Manasako, those are tough names.
02:04:28.000 Yeah.
02:04:28.000 Yeah.
02:04:30.000 I always wonder how many people have searched Laura Bites, like L-A-U-R-A-B-I-T-E-S after my shows or something.
02:04:38.000 I wonder how many potential fans have just fallen through the cracks.
02:04:42.000 Well, they'll get it now that we talked about it for 10 minutes.
02:04:46.000 At least some of them will.
02:04:49.000 When you do your first special, I think Unstoppable is really like a genuinely good name.
02:04:55.000 It's funny.
02:04:56.000 I really like that.
02:04:58.000 Unstoppable.
02:04:59.000 Yeah.
02:04:59.000 Why do you feel unstoppable?
02:05:02.000 Because I'm not...
02:05:05.000 I've never been good at anything else.
02:05:07.000 And everything else I've tried to do...
02:05:11.000 The door has shut in my face.
02:05:13.000 You know what I mean?
02:05:13.000 And with comedy, the doors are just open.
02:05:17.000 It just keeps working out.
02:05:18.000 Stuff keeps happening.
02:05:19.000 The next thing keeps happening.
02:05:21.000 Everything points to this being what I'm supposed to do.
02:05:25.000 There have been other things I've wanted in my life.
02:05:27.000 I wanted to get married and have kids.
02:05:30.000 You can still do that.
02:05:32.000 You keep saying that.
02:05:33.000 Yeah, but I don't want it anymore.
02:05:35.000 I don't care about it anymore.
02:05:36.000 I want it back then.
02:05:39.000 Okay.
02:05:41.000 Yeah.
02:05:42.000 What if you meet some new guy now?
02:05:44.000 I don't know.
02:05:45.000 Post-COVID. How?
02:05:46.000 I don't know.
02:05:47.000 Likes cats.
02:05:50.000 I don't know. 0.99
02:05:51.000 I like not having to run shit by another person. 0.99
02:05:55.000 I like being able to make my food the way that I like it and season it the way I like it and not have to worry about fucking Bozo's high blood pressure or the fact that he doesn't like fucking fish or what he wants to watch, what he wants to do. 0.99
02:06:09.000 And also there's just like... 0.98
02:06:11.000 I feel like I talked to you at the store about this before COVID. Like...
02:06:17.000 There's the issue of the fact that the relationships I've been in since doing stand-up, I've had the same fight over and over with my boyfriends, which is they're just like, I can't always be your last priority. 0.96
02:06:27.000 And I'm like, well, you can't come before any of the shit that you come after. 0.90
02:06:31.000 So I don't know what to tell you. 0.97
02:06:33.000 That leaves us in quite a position.
02:06:36.000 Because you're, you know, like you are my fifth priority.
02:06:39.000 And that's the best I got.
02:06:41.000 And it's just, yeah, fifth.
02:06:45.000 Stand up, working out, eating food, sleeping, boyfriend.
02:06:50.000 It comes even before friends and family, which frankly isn't healthy, but I'm willing to offer that.
02:06:57.000 But that's the best I can do.
02:07:00.000 That's very honest though.
02:07:02.000 You can't come before all my basic needs.
02:07:04.000 Well, it's sad when someone gives up those priorities and then puts a guy in first place and it winds up not working out and you've wasted so much time.
02:07:12.000 Yeah, dude.
02:07:13.000 Well, and this is also like, you know, when I was in Chicago and like working 40 plus hours a week at a day job, doing 34 shows in a month at night, so like literally bringing my comedy clothes with me to work, changing in the bathroom into like a mini skirt,
02:07:29.000 and then like seeing my co-workers and being like, oh, I'm going.
02:07:33.000 They must have just thought I like partied a lot because I always...
02:07:36.000 Went from work to a show, and then getting home, and it's 11, 12, sometimes 1, and having to, you know, put some food in my face and go to sleep and wake up at 6 and do it the next day. 0.99
02:07:51.000 Like, I'm sorry that I can't pencil in date night, motherfucker. 0.99
02:07:55.000 Like, I'm tired as hell. 0.99
02:07:57.000 You know?
02:07:58.000 And they would get mad.
02:07:59.000 And I for a while would be like, if you want to see me like come to a show.
02:08:03.000 And so I can't fault them when the fact is like I was unavailable.
02:08:10.000 What about dating a comedian?
02:08:11.000 Is that out of the question?
02:08:13.000 I mean, do you know any?
02:08:15.000 You know what I mean?
02:08:16.000 I know some comedy couples that work.
02:08:19.000 Tom and Christina, right?
02:08:21.000 Yeah, totally.
02:08:21.000 That works great.
02:08:24.000 Natasha Leggero, Moshe Kasher, that works great.
02:08:27.000 Yeah.
02:08:28.000 Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarlane, that works great.
02:08:31.000 Those are three really funny couples where they're all really funny.
02:08:35.000 Yeah.
02:08:35.000 And it works.
02:08:36.000 Yeah.
02:08:36.000 I mean, it's possible, but my friends who do comedy who are as funny as I am can date women who are way hotter than I am.
02:08:48.000 And so they do that.
02:08:50.000 They date women who are way younger and hotter than I am. 1.00
02:08:53.000 Because women love it when guys are comics, but I can't date anyone any hotter than ever.
02:09:00.000 You know what I mean?
02:09:00.000 And you can't date anyone who's not as funny as you either.
02:09:03.000 I can date someone who's, I can for sure, I plan to date someone who's not as funny as me.
02:09:09.000 I only date people who aren't as funny as me, as a matter of fact. 0.99
02:09:13.000 Yeah, fuck yeah. 0.99
02:09:14.000 There's like five, there's like five dudes who are funnier than I am. 1.00
02:09:19.000 And the half of them are fucking mentally ill, incredibly damaged, emotionally unavailable. 1.00
02:09:25.000 You know comics, you know? 1.00
02:09:26.000 Wait a minute, you just say half of them?
02:09:28.000 Only half of them?
02:09:30.000 You're optimistic.
02:09:32.000 You're looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.
02:09:34.000 I would date a comedian.
02:09:36.000 I would date a comedian if he was also the other things that I want someone to be, which is not a drug addict and not a bum.
02:09:45.000 Nice to me.
02:09:46.000 Good communicator.
02:09:49.000 That's probably it.
02:09:51.000 Disciplined.
02:09:52.000 Someone you respect.
02:09:53.000 Yeah.
02:09:54.000 But I'm flexible on that.
02:09:56.000 I don't necessarily have to...
02:09:58.000 You'd be okay with him half-assing his career?
02:09:59.000 If he's doing a good job...
02:10:01.000 The job of half-assing it?
02:10:03.000 No.
02:10:05.000 No, because someone who half-asses it isn't going to sympathize with what I'm doing. 0.98
02:10:10.000 Right.
02:10:11.000 That's what I'm saying.
02:10:11.000 The thing is, like, you are really dedicated.
02:10:15.000 Yeah.
02:10:15.000 I can't be with someone who's going to get in my way.
02:10:17.000 Yeah, I've seen you before you go on stage. 1.00
02:10:19.000 You're going over your shit. 1.00
02:10:20.000 You're, like, really... 1.00
02:10:21.000 Yeah.
02:10:22.000 It's all that matters to me.
02:10:24.000 So that's why.
02:10:25.000 It's all that matters to me.
02:10:27.000 Everything else is like, take it or leave it.
02:10:29.000 A guy, if it happens, it happens.
02:10:32.000 And that's really reaffirmed for you after this pandemic, right?
02:10:36.000 Yes.
02:10:37.000 Yeah, everything else I could do without.
02:10:39.000 Everything else I could live without.
02:10:40.000 So how many years did you do it before the pandemic?
02:10:44.000 Like ten.
02:10:45.000 Ten years.
02:10:46.000 Yeah.
02:10:47.000 That's the thing is, like, for a lot of comics, like, that's such a big year.
02:10:51.000 The year where, like, when you're getting your shit together and you just started working and you're really kind of moving and shaking and going on the road and then all of a sudden the year's gone and you're like...
02:11:01.000 Starting up the engine again and moving. 0.55
02:11:05.000 No momentum anymore.
02:11:07.000 You have to start from scratch in a lot of ways.
02:11:09.000 Obviously not scratch, but you're getting your feet on the ground again and getting back in comedy shape.
02:11:14.000 It's a rough year for a lot of folks.
02:11:17.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:11:18.000 But it's happening, and it's going to keep happening.
02:11:24.000 I think it's going to be fine for me. 1.00
02:11:26.000 A lot of people are super fucked. 0.99
02:11:27.000 I think I'll be fine. 0.99
02:11:30.000 I think you're right, though. 1.00
02:11:31.000 I think a lot of people deserve to be fucked, though. 0.99
02:11:34.000 There's a lot of people that were kind of half-assing comedy to begin with. 1.00
02:11:37.000 Yeah.
02:11:38.000 And this just knocked them down, and they might not get up.
02:11:40.000 Yeah, and I know a lot of people who are like...
02:11:45.000 I don't know if I want to keep doing stand-up.
02:11:48.000 Maybe I want to do something else.
02:11:49.000 And I'm just like, then it's great that you got this opportunity to find out that you don't want to do stand-up anymore.
02:11:54.000 I know a bunch of people who quit, who are like, I think I actually want to do this instead.
02:11:59.000 And I think that that's fine.
02:12:01.000 Tim Dillon said it best.
02:12:02.000 We were talking about it.
02:12:03.000 He goes, it might be a good thing to weed a few people out.
02:12:06.000 That's exactly how he talks.
02:12:09.000 Not a bad thing.
02:12:11.000 Not a bad thing.
02:12:12.000 Yeah, 100%.
02:12:12.000 And it's better to get weeded out when you're a few years in than when you're a few decades in.
02:12:18.000 Dude, I've been getting...
02:12:19.000 I don't know why.
02:12:19.000 I've gotten two messages in like the last week from kids.
02:12:23.000 One was from a 12-year-old and the other one was from a 17-year-old.
02:12:27.000 And both of them were these adorable little messages that are just like, Hi, my dream is to be a stand-up comedian.
02:12:34.000 Do you have any advice for someone who's starting out in comedy?
02:12:37.000 And it was all I could do not to be like, Don't do it.
02:12:40.000 Do something else.
02:12:42.000 Do something else.
02:12:44.000 You're probably too healthy for this job.
02:12:46.000 If you're sending a nice, respectable message to an established comedian and you're 12...
02:12:55.000 Little sweethearts, though.
02:12:56.000 Good for them. 1.00
02:12:57.000 Good for you, you little fuck. 1.00
02:12:58.000 It made me think of my nephew. 1.00
02:13:00.000 And I responded and I was nice.
02:13:02.000 Because I was like, if my nephew wrote a message to a comedian and wanted a response, I would want someone to respond to him.
02:13:10.000 You know what I mean?
02:13:11.000 That's very nice of you.
02:13:13.000 I'm nice to kids.
02:13:13.000 I'm not that nice to adults.
02:13:14.000 Adults, I'm like, yeah.
02:13:16.000 If I think somebody could really be funny, I give them a shot.
02:13:19.000 I'll talk to them and I'll tell them, yeah, listen, you just gotta do it.
02:13:23.000 But if you're gonna do it, you gotta really do it.
02:13:24.000 It's not an easy thing to do.
02:13:27.000 There's a reason why...
02:13:29.000 The real numbers, I don't know.
02:13:32.000 I would guess.
02:13:32.000 I'm just going to take a wild guess.
02:13:35.000 I don't think there's 500 of us in this country.
02:13:39.000 Right.
02:13:39.000 Like real, legitimate, professional stand-up comedians that make a living doing comedy.
02:13:43.000 I don't think there's 500. I think there's a lot of people that are trying it.
02:13:47.000 There may be a few thousand trying it.
02:13:49.000 That are out there hustling, trying to make it happen.
02:13:51.000 But ones that actually make it, there might be 500. Let's be real generous and say there's 1,000.
02:13:57.000 There's 330 fucking million people in this country. 0.97
02:14:00.000 There's 1,000 professional comedians? 1.00
02:14:03.000 That's nuts.
02:14:05.000 It's akin to...
02:14:07.000 There's specialties in...
02:14:11.000 Yeah.
02:14:21.000 How many of these people sell out a club?
02:14:23.000 The number gets smaller.
02:14:25.000 How many can sell out a theater?
02:14:26.000 The number gets real small.
02:14:27.000 Really small.
02:14:28.000 How many can sell out an arena?
02:14:29.000 There's like 20. Five dudes.
02:14:31.000 I don't know.
02:14:31.000 Maybe 10. When I say dudes, I mean people.
02:14:34.000 Yeah, humans.
02:14:35.000 It's not that many.
02:14:36.000 It's like, to get to the level of being a legitimate professional...
02:14:41.000 It takes so much trial and error, and the emotional pain of bombing is so fucking ruthless on your self-esteem and how you feel about life.
02:14:49.000 And some people just can't take the hit.
02:14:52.000 But if you can take the hit, if you can keep going, and if you're like you, or you're like, I feel unstoppable.
02:14:59.000 You're like, I feel unstoppable. 0.98
02:15:00.000 I am fucking unstoppable. 0.99
02:15:01.000 That's what I'm saying. 0.97
02:15:02.000 I'm your friend.
02:15:03.000 And I've bombed more times than I could possibly estimate.
02:15:05.000 I've had people say no to me more times than I could possibly estimate.
02:15:08.000 I've not gotten stuff more times than I could possibly estimate.
02:15:12.000 But it's just like with the writing. 0.99
02:15:15.000 If 1 20th of it works, guess what, bitch? 1.00
02:15:17.000 I got a new minute. 0.99
02:15:19.000 If 1 20th of it works, then guess what? 0.99
02:15:22.000 I'm passed at that club or I'm on that show or fucking whatever. 0.95
02:15:28.000 And it's crazy how many people who have been doing this for years are still looking for shortcuts. 0.99
02:15:33.000 I can't imagine what you get hit with.
02:15:36.000 Because I get so many messages.
02:15:38.000 Every time I got passed at a club in Hollywood, I got so many messages from people who were like, how'd you get passed?
02:15:44.000 Who do I email?
02:15:45.000 I'm going to move there.
02:15:46.000 And I'm just like, the answer 100% of the time is I did the open mic enough to be in front of the booker and I had a good set.
02:15:54.000 I don't know a shortcut.
02:15:56.000 I've waited outside of comedy clubs. 0.59
02:15:59.000 I waited outside of the Laugh Factory in Chicago for fucking two weeks in the freezing cold, left work early to stand out there for an hour to go up on the open mic and do a clean three minutes the next week. 0.99
02:16:12.000 Like, I could go on and on and on, but I followed the fucking process. 0.98
02:16:17.000 I didn't know a guy, you know? 0.95
02:16:19.000 And we have this idea that, like, Especially in the Midwest or in places that are not the coast, people have this idea where it's all about who you know.
02:16:30.000 But what they don't tell you is like, but you meet those people by working hard and showing up and being tenacious and not quitting.
02:16:37.000 And being funny.
02:16:38.000 And being funny.
02:16:39.000 You have to be good.
02:16:40.000 You have to be undeniable.
02:16:42.000 That's what I tell people.
02:16:43.000 Like, what's the secret?
02:16:44.000 Be undeniable.
02:16:45.000 And if you're not undeniable, become undeniable.
02:16:48.000 That's what you have to do.
02:16:49.000 Like, that's how you'll get work.
02:16:50.000 That's how all these things will happen.
02:16:52.000 I get annoyed when people ask me to be on my podcast or when people ask me if they can open for me.
02:16:57.000 I'm like, I don't even know you.
02:16:59.000 Like, no, you can't open for me.
02:17:01.000 That's so crazy. 0.98
02:17:02.000 I got fucking Joey Diaz and Ari Shafir and Duncan Trussell and Tony Hinchcliffe and Ian Edwards. 0.99
02:17:08.000 I got savages opening up for me. 1.00
02:17:10.000 Murderers.
02:17:11.000 You want to open up for me? 1.00
02:17:13.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00
02:17:15.000 Just go get your shit together. 1.00
02:17:17.000 Go get it. 1.00
02:17:17.000 But you don't just go around asking. 1.00
02:17:20.000 People ask you.
02:17:21.000 That's my best advice to people.
02:17:23.000 Just be undeniable.
02:17:26.000 And it's possible.
02:17:27.000 You can do it.
02:17:28.000 Or you can't.
02:17:29.000 I mean, I don't know who you are.
02:17:31.000 I don't know what your level of resolve is.
02:17:33.000 I don't know what your personality is.
02:17:35.000 It's not something I recommend to people.
02:17:37.000 I tell everybody to have a podcast.
02:17:39.000 Like, go get a podcast.
02:17:41.000 Go do it.
02:17:41.000 It might work out.
02:17:42.000 Shit, I was terrible in the beginning. 1.00
02:17:43.000 Just keep going. 1.00
02:17:44.000 It might work out.
02:17:45.000 It's easy.
02:17:46.000 I think it's like that trifecta that you referred to before of, like, a little piece of luck, hard work, and talent.
02:17:53.000 And if you have the hard work and talent, we all get enough little pieces of luck along the way.
02:17:59.000 Yeah.
02:17:59.000 That we're ready for it, you know?
02:18:02.000 I've been lucky to have bookers watching me when they've been watching me, but I backed it up with talent and working my ass off.
02:18:11.000 Yeah, and you made the talent.
02:18:13.000 Like, I'm sure you were terrible in the beginning.
02:18:15.000 We were all terrible. 0.99
02:18:15.000 I was fucking terrible. 0.99
02:18:17.000 Of course. 1.00
02:18:17.000 The audacity that I had when I was 21 to think that I could be a professional comedian, I want to go back in time and smack myself in the face. 1.00
02:18:25.000 Like, who the fuck are you? 1.00
02:18:27.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:18:27.000 I didn't think I could. 1.00
02:18:28.000 I did not expect to make it this far.
02:18:30.000 I started it as a hobby.
02:18:31.000 I'm as shocked as you are. 0.98
02:18:33.000 I mean, I can't fucking believe that. 0.98
02:18:34.000 I can't believe it. 0.95
02:18:36.000 I made fun of guys in Milwaukee who were talking about becoming professional comics.
02:18:40.000 I was like, you'll no sooner be a professional comedian than I will turn Italian.
02:18:46.000 Like, it's just not...
02:18:47.000 You're not.
02:18:48.000 You know?
02:18:49.000 I thought that that was for someone else.
02:18:51.000 But it's like...
02:18:53.000 Just one little action at a time.
02:18:55.000 One little thing at a time.
02:18:57.000 Yeah.
02:18:58.000 I started out with Fitzsimmons.
02:19:00.000 We started like a week apart from each other.
02:19:02.000 I love him too.
02:19:03.000 I was with both of you the last night.
02:19:05.000 Last night the store closed?
02:19:06.000 Yeah.
02:19:07.000 So sad.
02:19:09.000 Yeah.
02:19:09.000 I don't think it's ever going to be the same.
02:19:11.000 I was with you guys when you found out that your kids' schools were canceled through the end of the year.
02:19:15.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:19:16.000 It was fucking horrifying. 0.98
02:19:17.000 It's so weird because they didn't mind not getting up for school early and not having to drive, but they were a little weirded out. 0.99
02:19:24.000 But after a couple weeks, you could see it wear on them, like staring in front of a fire.
02:19:27.000 And then I saw how bad the teachers were doing it.
02:19:30.000 And how uninspired they were.
02:19:31.000 It was so infuriating.
02:19:33.000 Listening to these teachers, I mean, just not caring at all.
02:19:37.000 They didn't have to.
02:19:38.000 And the kids were so disconnected.
02:19:40.000 I was like, we gotta get out of here.
02:19:42.000 And in Texas, one of the great things was they actually go to school here.
02:19:47.000 Yeah.
02:19:48.000 When they found out they can go to school, they were like, what?
02:19:51.000 And both my kids caught COVID. Yeah.
02:19:54.000 One kid got it from an after-school sports activity, and then she gave it to my wife, and she gave it to my other kid, and it was nothing.
02:20:02.000 Yeah.
02:20:02.000 They had a headache for a day, you know, because for kids, it's nothing.
02:20:05.000 Yeah.
02:20:05.000 I get it that the teachers wouldn't want to get it, but now, especially now, like, oh my God, you can get vaccinated.
02:20:12.000 You can...
02:20:13.000 We know about health and wellness and...
02:20:16.000 But moving here has been amazing.
02:20:19.000 It's a different thing.
02:20:21.000 Yeah, my sister's family has had it.
02:20:24.000 My sister works at the school.
02:20:26.000 They all live in northern Wisconsin.
02:20:28.000 And they all got it.
02:20:31.000 Her husband got it.
02:20:32.000 He was on the couch watching football for a day.
02:20:35.000 Like, they were all sick a little bit.
02:20:38.000 You know what I mean?
02:20:39.000 I mean, it really depends on what your health is like when it happens to you. 0.98
02:20:42.000 You know, some people, they get it when they're really run down, and then they're fucked, and it's not good. 0.91
02:20:47.000 But some people, they get it when they're feeling great, and just, oh... 0.98
02:20:50.000 My real estate agent had it.
02:20:52.000 She didn't even know she had it.
02:20:53.000 She had to get tested three times.
02:20:54.000 She's like, are you sure?
02:20:55.000 She went in again.
02:20:56.000 She was trying to go to a wedding in St. John's.
02:20:58.000 And they just kept testing her.
02:21:00.000 They tested her three times.
02:21:01.000 She's like, I guess I got it.
02:21:02.000 She just stayed home for a week. 0.94
02:21:05.000 That's so weird.
02:21:06.000 Nothing.
02:21:06.000 Not a single symptom.
02:21:07.000 Nothing.
02:21:09.000 Yeah, it's wild.
02:21:10.000 I guess my nephew actually is having more health problems, but I don't know the details of them.
02:21:16.000 Post?
02:21:17.000 Post?
02:21:18.000 How far away from the infection?
02:21:22.000 Like, after.
02:21:24.000 How long after?
02:21:25.000 Just now?
02:21:26.000 Just recent?
02:21:27.000 Yeah, they had it in the last month.
02:21:30.000 There's a lot of things you could tell him that he could take to help.
02:21:33.000 A lot of it is inflammation.
02:21:35.000 It helps.
02:21:36.000 Fish oil helps.
02:21:38.000 CBD helps for a lot of people.
02:21:40.000 There's a lot of different vitamins and nutrients that can help bring your immune system back into line again.
02:21:48.000 Yeah.
02:21:49.000 So many people don't even take vitamins, which is really crazy to me.
02:21:51.000 I don't understand how you can go through life without taking vitamins.
02:21:55.000 Yeah, I don't know why not.
02:21:56.000 I mean, it seems like an easy enough thing to...
02:21:58.000 Unless you're totally broke.
02:22:00.000 You know, but even then, like, how much is a multivitamin?
02:22:02.000 How much do you spend on cigarettes?
02:22:03.000 How much do you spend on booze, you know?
02:22:05.000 Yeah, well, and I feel like that is lumped in with, like, I consider it, like, a food cost.
02:22:10.000 Like, it's one of those things where it's not negotiable for me.
02:22:12.000 It's nutrients for my body, you know?
02:22:17.000 Unstoppable, Laura.
02:22:19.000 That's gonna be the name of your special.
02:22:20.000 Yeah.
02:22:21.000 Or something funny.
02:22:22.000 Yeah, it's weird because they had it where my sister...
02:22:27.000 Half her family had it and the other half didn't get it.
02:22:31.000 Yeah.
02:22:32.000 And then a few more of them got it.
02:22:34.000 She has four kids.
02:22:35.000 Yeah, it's weird.
02:22:36.000 So it wasn't even...
02:22:38.000 In the actual household.
02:22:40.000 And I've heard crazy things, like I lived with someone who swore that the COVID molecules hung in the air for up to an hour after a person walked by.
02:22:51.000 Who said that?
02:22:53.000 My old roommate.
02:22:54.000 The roommate I had at the beginning of this.
02:22:55.000 Someone who was terrified?
02:22:56.000 Yeah, she was terrified she wasn't leaving the place. 0.98
02:22:59.000 And I thought that no one was leaving their apartments, and I stayed inside for three months, didn't touch another human being, didn't fucking do anything.
02:23:06.000 I went on a hike with someone, and they both got super mad at me, and I was like, I'm going to move out.
02:23:11.000 And I told them the next day, so it was a separate conversation, but I was like, I'm moving out.
02:23:15.000 So you went on a hike, and your roommate got furious?
02:23:17.000 Yeah.
02:23:18.000 Wow.
02:23:20.000 We had an advantage that we were testing everybody at the studio.
02:23:24.000 We're testing every day.
02:23:25.000 I've been tested hundreds of times.
02:23:27.000 I've been tested a lot too.
02:23:29.000 And when I have worked weekends, like when I worked a weekend in Vegas and it was indoor, and I quarantined before and after and I got tested.
02:23:39.000 I flew to Wisconsin and I quarantined before and after and got tested.
02:23:43.000 Didn't go around other people until I'd been tested.
02:23:46.000 You know?
02:23:46.000 And so that's what I'm talking about, where it's like, I think that you can be careful and still live a little bit of life so that we don't all end up killing ourselves.
02:23:55.000 Some people don't want to not be scared, though.
02:23:58.000 I think that there definitely is...
02:24:03.000 I think that part of what was keeping my roommates inside was agoraphobia.
02:24:08.000 I think they just didn't want to leave the house.
02:24:09.000 I think they had other anxiety issues.
02:24:11.000 And I think that this was an excuse or this was part of it.
02:24:16.000 Yeah, well, it has been a testing moment for a lot of folks for their mental health.
02:24:24.000 Yeah.
02:24:27.000 I don't know.
02:24:29.000 I don't know.
02:24:30.000 When did you...
02:24:32.000 I was nervous at first.
02:24:34.000 At first, I was really scared.
02:24:36.000 At first, like, when I remember me and my family went to this grocery store, people weren't even wearing masks yet.
02:24:43.000 We're stocking up on food.
02:24:45.000 That was back when Fauci was telling people not to wear masks because they didn't have a good enough supply.
02:24:50.000 So he was lying and saying, masks aren't important.
02:24:52.000 Don't wear a mask.
02:24:53.000 I was like, well, you don't wear a mask?
02:24:55.000 Yeah.
02:24:56.000 After a while, I was like, wear two masks.
02:24:58.000 I'm like, what happened?
02:24:59.000 What happened?
02:24:59.000 What's happening?
02:25:01.000 We were stocking up on food, and everybody looked spooked.
02:25:04.000 Like, all the people looked spooked.
02:25:06.000 Because nobody knew what it was.
02:25:08.000 So in the beginning, I didn't know what it was.
02:25:09.000 And then a couple of my friends got it.
02:25:12.000 And it was not that big.
02:25:13.000 It was, you know, people that were like my age that were healthy, they got it.
02:25:17.000 They coughed a little bit.
02:25:19.000 And then, you know, a couple months later, I knew quite a few people that had it.
02:25:23.000 And I'm like, well, this obviously is not what I thought it was.
02:25:27.000 And then I started relaxing.
02:25:29.000 Like I said, I did a set in July.
02:25:31.000 But then I was worried about giving it to someone else that wasn't healthy.
02:25:33.000 That was my fear.
02:25:34.000 So I was like, I can't do this.
02:25:36.000 Plus, I was doing the podcast all the time.
02:25:38.000 It just wouldn't be fair.
02:25:40.000 So my priority was just do the podcast, wait for the dust to settle, wait for it all to either get herd immunity or go away, and just keep being pretty...
02:25:51.000 I was pretty careful.
02:25:52.000 But then after like 9, 10, I started getting annoyed at people.
02:25:57.000 That we're still scared.
02:25:58.000 I'm like, why are you at the same level of fear?
02:26:00.000 Like, this is driving me crazy. 0.99
02:26:01.000 And how come you haven't done anything about your fucking health? 0.99
02:26:04.000 We've been locked up for 11 months. 1.00
02:26:05.000 You're still eating fucking donuts every day and waiting for a vaccine. 1.00
02:26:09.000 Like, what are you doing? 1.00
02:26:10.000 What are you doing?
02:26:12.000 100%.
02:26:12.000 Yeah, and then I'm mad at everybody who's not scared anymore.
02:26:17.000 Jesus.
02:26:18.000 Fat Twitter got so mad at me.
02:26:20.000 I tweeted something to the effect of like just saying what happened?
02:26:30.000 You know, I was obese at the beginning of this.
02:26:33.000 They said a virus is killing obese people.
02:26:35.000 So I lost weight and now obese people are eligible for the vaccine.
02:26:40.000 And I'm not.
02:26:41.000 And people were like, this comedian would rather fat people die than wait her turn for the vaccine. 1.00
02:26:47.000 This comedian hates fat people. 0.95
02:26:50.000 They just like came after me. 1.00
02:26:52.000 I'm like, where the fuck did you come from? 1.00
02:26:54.000 Where the fuck did you come from? 1.00
02:26:56.000 They came from the same place that your roommate came from. 1.00
02:26:58.000 They're fucking scared. 0.99
02:27:00.000 And when you're fat, you are more vulnerable so you're probably more scared. 1.00
02:27:04.000 Also, you're stuffing food down your face and you know you're doing harm to your health.
02:27:08.000 And you're just looking to shame people and get angry and blame people.
02:27:13.000 There's a lot of people that it becomes a sport to just attack people and pile onto them on Twitter.
02:27:18.000 And to completely distort what you're saying.
02:27:21.000 What you're saying should be like a message of hope.
02:27:24.000 Like, hey, here's me.
02:27:26.000 I mean, you put it all out there, too. 1.00
02:27:27.000 You got your fucking stomach hanging out. 1.00
02:27:29.000 You're showing all these pictures. 1.00
02:27:31.000 You're not shy at all.
02:27:32.000 You're saying, look, here's me at the beginning.
02:27:34.000 Here's me now.
02:27:35.000 Like, just a human.
02:27:38.000 There's nothing special.
02:27:40.000 Just a regular human who put in the work.
02:27:42.000 Yeah.
02:27:43.000 You can do it too.
02:27:44.000 Well, and I see a lot of body positivity posts in my Instagram feed, and the narrative is, you can be living your absolute best life and be morbidly obese.
02:27:57.000 And I haven't had that experience, you know?
02:28:02.000 I can't- I like how you just phrased that.
02:28:03.000 I haven't had that experience.
02:28:06.000 Yeah.
02:28:06.000 I feel better and I don't think that that is me worshiping thinness.
02:28:10.000 I feel better.
02:28:11.000 And also, like, fat people do get treated worse than thin people in this society.
02:28:16.000 I thought that we didn't make eye contact with strangers as a culture and so many more people look at me now.
02:28:24.000 So many more people look me in the eye now.
02:28:27.000 Like leaving my apartment complex to walk to my car just out in the world. 0.96
02:28:31.000 And that fucking feels better. 0.93
02:28:33.000 That's aside from like the physical weight loss. 0.99
02:28:36.000 It feels better to be treated better.
02:28:39.000 And that's kind of bittersweet because I also am getting a lot more attention from men, which makes me kind of hate them.
02:28:45.000 But I also...
02:28:46.000 Get it!
02:28:47.000 Because the one physical attribute that's universally attractive across all cultures is a smaller waist-to-hip ratio because it indicates that a woman is fertile but not currently pregnant.
02:28:58.000 Men are attracted to women who look like they could get pregnant in the same way that, like, we look towards bright colors because it might be a piece of fruit on a tree.
02:29:08.000 Right.
02:29:09.000 It's just genes.
02:29:10.000 Exactly.
02:29:10.000 Yeah.
02:29:11.000 And so that's not people being dicks unless you're, you know... 0.95
02:29:15.000 I know, but people want to pretend that it is. 0.96
02:29:16.000 They want to look past what we understand about evolutionary biology and apply some shallow intention to it.
02:29:23.000 But it's just natural.
02:29:25.000 Yeah, it pisses me off because so many of the people who are so easily offended and so quick to attack other people are people where I'm like, you're on my side.
02:29:34.000 We're on the same side.
02:29:38.000 Why are you fighting with me when you didn't have my back when people were calling me fat in my comments? 0.99
02:29:43.000 If you're really for body positivity, where the fuck were you then? 0.99
02:29:48.000 You weren't supporting me. 1.00
02:29:50.000 You know, you came out of nowhere to shit on me as soon as I got thin. 0.97
02:29:54.000 Like, where have you been? 0.99
02:29:56.000 Where have you been?
02:29:58.000 You know?
02:29:59.000 Yeah.
02:29:59.000 Now, it's a weird time because there's a lot of people's opinions that get broadcast to a lot of people now.
02:30:06.000 And a lot of those people, you wouldn't really probably care about their opinions if you were just talking to them. 0.97
02:30:13.000 But when they get together in these little bully groups and they go and attack them, this comedian wants fat people to die and would rather them die. 0.99
02:30:22.000 For sure. 1.00
02:30:23.000 They're just crazy. 1.00
02:30:24.000 Just mentally ill people. 1.00
02:30:26.000 Which is something she would never say to me if she met me. 0.99
02:30:30.000 Of course not.
02:30:31.000 It's not even real life. 0.99
02:30:33.000 It's just like some bizarre portal where people can just blow shit through and splatter someone's face. 0.98
02:30:41.000 It's like you have a rock and you see a glass window and you just want to throw it. 0.98
02:30:45.000 It doesn't make any sense.
02:30:47.000 It's like the way people communicate on Twitter. 0.99
02:30:49.000 It's like, are you really that outraged that a girl is expressing that she used to be fat and she lost weight and now she can't get the fucking vaccine because they're giving it to fat people? 0.99
02:30:58.000 You're really that upset? 0.99
02:30:59.000 That's what's pissing you off? 1.00
02:31:01.000 There's a lot of shit in the news, honey. 1.00
02:31:03.000 Go out there. 1.00
02:31:04.000 Go out there.
02:31:05.000 Pay attention.
02:31:05.000 Pay attention to the world.
02:31:06.000 There's a lot of fucked up things going on. 0.98
02:31:08.000 If that's what's occupying your time and then you're replying and going back and forth for hours about this and probably checking your phone incessantly... 0.99
02:31:17.000 We're good to go.
02:31:38.000 In real life.
02:31:40.000 Yeah, we're not that different.
02:31:42.000 I know that that's cheesy and it's a cliche, but everything is just in such a pressure cooker.
02:31:48.000 There has to be a solution.
02:31:49.000 I mean, what do you think it is? 0.95
02:31:51.000 I think people should stay the fuck out of those kind of situations. 0.92
02:31:56.000 Don't communicate with people that way. 0.96
02:31:58.000 It's a terrible way of communicating.
02:32:00.000 It's the worst way to...
02:32:04.000 Express an idea.
02:32:05.000 It leaves so much to interpretation.
02:32:07.000 It's so limited.
02:32:08.000 And it's not how human beings are designed to communicate.
02:32:11.000 We're designed to do it like this.
02:32:12.000 It's one of the best things about podcasts.
02:32:14.000 Is what you and I are doing is not much different than what we would be doing if we were just sitting across a dinner table talking.
02:32:21.000 Right.
02:32:21.000 We would just be talking.
02:32:22.000 Just like this.
02:32:24.000 Looking at each other in the eye.
02:32:25.000 That's how people are supposed to talk.
02:32:27.000 That's how you find out who a person really is.
02:32:29.000 That's how you find out how they really express ideas. 0.98
02:32:32.000 This shit where you're just writing things out and tweeting things and you're doing it so people like you or pay attention or you're virtue signaling or you're trying to attack people and you're misrepresenting their original opinion and you know you are. 0.99
02:32:48.000 You're just doing it because you can. 1.00
02:32:50.000 Or you're doing it because you think that somehow or another they've said something that offends your group because you've got this tight group of people that also like to be fat. 0.95
02:32:58.000 It's nuts. 0.95
02:33:00.000 It's crazy.
02:33:01.000 You're doing it to win.
02:33:03.000 There's a guy named Alan Levinovitz and he's been on the podcast before and he had a really great expression.
02:33:08.000 He said it's like processed information.
02:33:10.000 And much like processed food is bad for you, Processed information is bad for you, too.
02:33:15.000 And he was saying that Twitter and these kind of things, that's what it is.
02:33:20.000 It's processed information.
02:33:22.000 And that resonated with me so hard because I'm like, oh, of course.
02:33:26.000 That is exactly what it's like.
02:33:28.000 Because real food is like, you know, real food.
02:33:31.000 You know, like meat and vegetables and stuff that's supposed to be good for you.
02:33:34.000 And it's got vitamins.
02:33:35.000 And it's not some...
02:33:37.000 It's a thing that's pumped full of preservatives and it'll last on a shelf for 10 years. 0.98
02:33:42.000 That's what's shitty for you. 0.85
02:33:44.000 Processed seed oils. 0.99
02:33:45.000 That's what's shitty for you. 0.92
02:33:47.000 And that's what gets people super unhealthy. 0.97
02:33:49.000 Well, this processed information gets people super mentally unhealthy.
02:33:53.000 Totally.
02:33:54.000 Well, and like...
02:33:56.000 We have relationships with people at the store who do not agree with us politically.
02:34:00.000 Like I have friends who I don't agree with politically, and it has never turned into a screaming match. 0.98
02:34:07.000 It's never turned into us just insulting each other or calling each other pieces of shit. 0.95
02:34:11.000 It hasn't even turned into us yelling at each other. 0.97
02:34:16.000 And that's what's so hard about it.
02:34:18.000 And I have relatives too.
02:34:20.000 We don't see eye to eye politically, but we love each other.
02:34:24.000 And we don't just fight when we see each other.
02:34:28.000 I have plenty of friends that I don't agree with politically.
02:34:31.000 After my first TV set, I swore that I would never read YouTube comments again.
02:34:37.000 And I intend to keep that promise to myself.
02:34:39.000 Yes.
02:34:40.000 It's just not productive.
02:34:41.000 It doesn't do anything good.
02:34:42.000 I don't internalize the positive feedback.
02:34:44.000 I memorize the negative feedback for the rest of my life.
02:34:49.000 And it's just useless.
02:34:51.000 Yeah.
02:34:52.000 It's not good for you.
02:34:54.000 What's his face? 1.00
02:34:58.000 Fucking Hannibal Lecter. 1.00
02:35:00.000 Fuck's his name. 1.00
02:35:02.000 Anthony Hopkins, thank you. 0.99
02:35:04.000 He had a statement that's really interesting.
02:35:07.000 He goes, I don't read what other people think about me because it's not my business.
02:35:12.000 Yeah, I really like that principle.
02:35:14.000 What other people think of me is none of my business.
02:35:18.000 Laura, I've got to wrap this up.
02:35:19.000 Thank you so much.
02:35:20.000 Thank you for having me.
02:35:21.000 Always a pleasure.
02:35:23.000 If you want to move here, we're going to have a beautiful comedy club soon.
02:35:26.000 I do want to move here.
02:35:28.000 No, I don't.
02:35:30.000 Do what you want to do.
02:35:31.000 It's going to be an awesome place.
02:35:33.000 Tell everybody where you're at again.
02:35:36.000 Sunset Strip Comedy Club.
02:35:37.000 Yeah.
02:35:38.000 And then May 6th through 8th, I'm going to be at Comedy at the Carlson in Rochester, New York.
02:35:45.000 And August 12th through the 14th, I'm going to be at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Royal Oak, Michigan.
02:35:51.000 And do you have larabeats.com?
02:35:52.000 Do you have a...
02:35:53.000 No, I have Instagram at larabeats.
02:35:55.000 Spell it.
02:35:56.000 L-A-R-A-B-E-I-T-Z. Okay. 1.00
02:35:59.000 Thank you so much.
02:36:00.000 My pleasure.
02:36:01.000 Always good.
02:36:02.000 Bye.
02:36:02.000 Bye, everybody.