The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1695 - Andrew Schulz

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:13.000 And...

00:00:14.000 Hello, Andrew.

00:00:15.000 Hello, Joe.

00:00:16.000 Welcome to Texas.

00:00:17.000 Oh, thank you so much.

00:00:18.000 It was good running into you last night.

00:00:20.000 It was so much fun.

00:00:20.000 Last night was great.

00:00:21.000 It was, right?

00:00:22.000 I choked you out, dude.

00:00:23.000 How about that spot?

00:00:24.000 That golden tiger spot?

00:00:25.000 Can we talk about me choking you out?

00:00:26.000 Can we talk about my...

00:00:27.000 You tried a couple of times.

00:00:28.000 It was interesting.

00:00:29.000 Yeah.

00:00:30.000 You got a hold of my neck.

00:00:31.000 But did you think I had power?

00:00:32.000 Do you think I had, like, real choke power?

00:00:34.000 You could develop it.

00:00:37.000 I think you developed some real choke power.

00:00:38.000 I got a shot immediately, dude.

00:00:40.000 We're 30 seconds in.

00:00:41.000 I just got trashed immediately.

00:00:42.000 You've got a good build for jiu-jitsu.

00:00:43.000 You're a tall guy.

00:00:44.000 You've got long limbs.

00:00:45.000 Okay.

00:00:46.000 That's really good for jiu-jitsu.

00:00:47.000 If you see some of the greatest of all time, like Hodger Gracie, he's got these really long arms.

00:00:53.000 Yeah, there's a lot of guys like that.

00:00:55.000 Okay, okay, okay.

00:00:56.000 Probably your estima, same build, long limbs.

00:00:59.000 I'll be honest, I thought it would be easier.

00:01:01.000 Because I've never tried to choke somebody.

00:01:03.000 So then when you let me do it, I'm like, alright, I got this easy.

00:01:06.000 And then I was going to take it easy on you.

00:01:07.000 I wasn't going to really get you out of there.

00:01:10.000 And I was shocked how I couldn't get under your chin.

00:01:16.000 Yeah.

00:01:17.000 That shocked me.

00:01:18.000 Why does that shock me?

00:01:19.000 I figure your chin is here.

00:01:20.000 I just get the arm under.

00:01:22.000 And then once I'm under the chin, it's over.

00:01:23.000 That's how it looks like in all the fights.

00:01:25.000 You should try to Gordon.

00:01:26.000 I would definitely take out Gordon.

00:01:27.000 Gordon was there.

00:01:28.000 Shouts at Gordon.

00:01:29.000 Shouts at Gordon. 0.99

00:01:30.000 And I was nice to him, but I was going to choke the shit out of him. 0.99

00:01:32.000 I told him that. 0.99

00:01:33.000 I did tell him that.

00:01:34.000 You told him today, too. 0.98

00:01:35.000 I told him today, and I said, and I pulled him aside, and I was like, listen, I understand your girl's here, and out of respect for her, I'm not going to choke the shit out of you. 0.99

00:01:41.000 But he was getting his blood test, and I almost choked the shit out of him. 0.99

00:01:43.000 I told him. 0.98

00:01:44.000 I didn't say it.

00:01:46.000 I think if I sneak up on him, and I kind of just jump on him, then I think I might have a chance.

00:01:51.000 You should try jiu-jitsu.

00:01:52.000 I think you would like it.

00:01:52.000 Let's do it!

00:01:53.000 I'm down, man.

00:01:54.000 You'd enjoy it.

00:01:55.000 I'm down, because everything else is falling apart.

00:01:56.000 There's a lot of places in New York City.

00:01:58.000 Yeah, there's the one that you guys were talking about. 0.99

00:02:00.000 But that place, they got a lot of fucking staph infections there. 0.99

00:02:04.000 I keep hearing about people catching staph. 0.99

00:02:05.000 Because in the basement...

00:02:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:02:08.000 You want a place that gets some sunlight.

00:02:11.000 So where should I go?

00:02:12.000 Well, it's a great place for training, though.

00:02:14.000 As far as learning, it's one of the best places ever.

00:02:17.000 Yeah.

00:02:18.000 Yeah, I'm down to try it.

00:02:19.000 I keep talking to guys about it, and they say, like, I think it was Ronnie Chang said it, you know, Ronnie Chang, comedian?

00:02:24.000 Yeah, he's hilarious. 0.98

00:02:25.000 He's fucking brilliant. 0.93

00:02:26.000 Love that dude. 0.91

00:02:26.000 And he's like, it's cool because it's one of these things where, like, you can give maximum effort. 0.91

00:02:32.000 Yes.

00:02:34.000 In boxing, you can't go 100%.

00:02:35.000 You're going to hurt somebody, or somebody's going to hurt you.

00:02:37.000 But it gets to the point where you tap out, and then you get this great workout, but you're giving everything you got.

00:02:43.000 You know what's good about that, too?

00:02:44.000 If you're ever in a real altercation, you're used to people resisting 100%.

00:02:49.000 Because if you're a karate guy, and you're used to point touching each other, did you see that karate thing in the Olympics?

00:02:55.000 I was about to bring it up.

00:02:56.000 It was unbelievable.

00:02:57.000 The guy loses.

00:02:59.000 He wins, but he loses.

00:03:01.000 How do you feel proud?

00:03:02.000 You get knocked out in the gold medal matchup, and you win the gold, and the other guy's disqualified?

00:03:08.000 He's disqualified for hitting you too hard. 0.99

00:03:11.000 And here's the thing that was fucked up. 0.98

00:03:13.000 It's not like he was standing there. 0.98

00:03:14.000 He kind of leaned in to the kick.

00:03:17.000 He bent over and the dude caught him, so it's kind of on you a little bit too.

00:03:21.000 Yeah, let's watch it. 1.00

00:03:22.000 Let's watch it because it's so dumb. 0.99

00:03:25.000 A friend of mine sent that to me. 1.00

00:03:27.000 Look at this.

00:03:29.000 Here it is.

00:03:30.000 Look at this.

00:03:30.000 He bends over.

00:03:32.000 Yeah.

00:03:33.000 And to be honest, it's a counter.

00:03:34.000 The guy throws a straight left.

00:03:36.000 He counters with the kick, catches him, and then he's just fake sleeping.

00:03:40.000 Get out of here, dude.

00:03:41.000 He's sleeping.

00:03:44.000 Oh, he thought he won, too.

00:03:45.000 Poor guy.

00:03:46.000 Well, he should have won in a real-world scenario.

00:03:49.000 In any other rational sport that's a combat sport, he won.

00:03:52.000 That's the problem with Olympic combat sports is they try to take the violence out of it.

00:03:56.000 But what doesn't make any sense is you could win by knockout in Taekwondo.

00:03:59.000 Oh, I didn't know that...

00:04:00.000 And it's in the same thing.

00:04:01.000 Ah!

00:04:02.000 It's in the Olympics, too.

00:04:03.000 Like, why...

00:04:04.000 Why this specifically?

00:04:06.000 Why do you have karate and taekwondo? 0.97

00:04:09.000 The only difference is you're allowed to punch in the face in this.

00:04:13.000 Is it point karate?

00:04:15.000 Is that what it is?

00:04:16.000 I heard it was kumite.

00:04:17.000 I don't know though.

00:04:18.000 Kumite is the Japanese word for sparring.

00:04:21.000 Okay, so yeah, that doesn't make sense.

00:04:23.000 I just heard someone saying it while I was watching.

00:04:24.000 I think that's the word for sparring.

00:04:26.000 I think that's what it means.

00:04:27.000 I mean, they got all the different types of swimming, so I guess you're going to have all the different types of martial arts, you know?

00:04:32.000 You gotta do things to stack the medals, right? 0.94

00:04:33.000 Like, if you're good at some shit, like America, we're good at running, so we're just gonna, okay, 400. 75-kilogram Kumite final. 0.98

00:04:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:40.000 So dumb. 1.00

00:04:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:44.000 Ridiculous. 0.79

00:04:45.000 Oh, so they have individual demonstrations like kata, and then they have one-on-one kumite. 0.99

00:04:51.000 That's the most ridiculous one. 0.99

00:04:53.000 I'm not trying to shit on this guy. 1.00

00:04:54.000 He'd probably kick my ass. 1.00

00:04:55.000 But the guy won a gold medal for dancing. 1.00

00:04:57.000 Getting KO'd.

00:04:58.000 Oh, yeah, for the kata.

00:04:59.000 For the kata.

00:05:00.000 But it was just choreography.

00:05:02.000 Well, you could win for gymnastics.

00:05:05.000 Yeah, but gymnastics isn't a fight.

00:05:08.000 I see martial arts as fighting, right? 0.99

00:05:11.000 In order to be good at it, you have to be able to do that shit on someone. 0.99

00:05:14.000 The kata thing is like you would have to learn those to get your belts. 0.99

00:05:18.000 Like you'd have a kata for one specific one that you had for blue belt, a specific one you had for green belt.

00:05:24.000 I remember when I did taekwondo as a kid, we had that.

00:05:27.000 Yeah.

00:05:28.000 Yeah, I hated those.

00:05:30.000 What, the taekwondo?

00:05:31.000 This stuff.

00:05:32.000 Yeah.

00:05:33.000 The forms.

00:05:35.000 Poomsay.

00:05:36.000 America won the gold.

00:05:37.000 This guy won the first ever karate medal in men's kata.

00:05:42.000 The first ever for America or the first ever time they handed it out?

00:05:48.000 America's first ever. 0.98

00:05:49.000 Oh my god, this is so ridiculous. 0.99

00:05:50.000 Look at his face. 1.00

00:05:51.000 The intensity.

00:05:52.000 He's so serious.

00:05:53.000 Yeah.

00:05:54.000 The thing is, it's not a bad thing to practice movement.

00:05:59.000 It's almost kind of like a form of yoga in a way.

00:06:03.000 You're practicing moving your body, and if you get really good at doing those katas, it'll probably enhance your ability to move, which will enhance your ability to spar.

00:06:12.000 But you're not giving anybody a medal for shadowboxing. 0.98

00:06:15.000 Good fucking point. 0.99

00:06:17.000 That'd be ridiculous. 1.00

00:06:18.000 Good fucking point. 1.00

00:06:19.000 And imagine you were walking around. 1.00

00:06:20.000 I'm a boxing gold medalist.

00:06:22.000 A gold medal for shadowboxing.

00:06:25.000 Or hitting the cobra bag.

00:06:29.000 A bagwork gold medal would be better than this.

00:06:34.000 Because we could at least see something land.

00:06:36.000 Air kicks.

00:06:37.000 This poor guy just got back to America with his gold medal and we're just trashing him.

00:06:41.000 They were going against each other though.

00:06:43.000 Oh, and this guy won.

00:06:44.000 How do you do that?

00:06:45.000 They judge it.

00:06:46.000 They judge the karate.

00:06:49.000 The kata, rather.

00:06:50.000 Yeah, we used to have those in tournaments.

00:06:52.000 In Taekwondo tournaments, they would have the kata version, or the, I forget what they called it.

00:06:57.000 I think it's called poomsae, they call it Korean.

00:06:59.000 And then they would have the sparring part. 1.00

00:07:02.000 You'd have to wait around while these dummies threw fucking air kicks and shit. 1.00

00:07:07.000 Air kicks, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:07:08.000 Is Taekwondo trash?

00:07:09.000 It's good to learn in terms of kicking dynamics and movement and flexibility and leg dexterity.

00:07:17.000 You definitely can use some of the kicks in MMA if you know how to do the other things.

00:07:23.000 But why is there no MMA like Taekwondo, dude?

00:07:25.000 There are.

00:07:27.000 There's a bunch.

00:07:28.000 There's a bunch that use those type of techniques, but they know how to do everything else.

00:07:33.000 Like karate.

00:07:35.000 The best representative of karate is Wonderboy. 1.00

00:07:37.000 Am I seeing shit? 0.99

00:07:39.000 Yeah, there's a shooting star. 1.00

00:07:40.000 Oh my god.

00:07:41.000 Pretty dope, right? 1.00

00:07:42.000 Yeah, it's good, but I thought I was seeing shit. 0.99

00:07:43.000 By the way, how good are these fucking coffee drinks? 0.99

00:07:44.000 Yeah, these are good. 1.00

00:07:45.000 Shots to your man.

00:07:46.000 Shots to your man. 1.00

00:07:47.000 Oh, fuck! 1.00

00:07:47.000 Happy birthday! 1.00

00:07:49.000 Jamie reminded me it was your birthday.

00:07:50.000 Thank you very much.

00:07:51.000 I have a present for you.

00:07:52.000 Oh, do you really?

00:07:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:07:53.000 I was waiting until we started to give you.

00:07:55.000 Okay.

00:07:55.000 Here's my present for you.

00:07:56.000 This is a gift.

00:07:59.000 Is it your shirt?

00:07:59.000 No, this is for you.

00:08:01.000 It's not mine at all.

00:08:02.000 This is for you.

00:08:03.000 You want it?

00:08:03.000 Shouts to pound for pound for making it.

00:08:05.000 Bohemia Grove?

00:08:06.000 Shouts to pound for pound for making it for us.

00:08:10.000 1999, Bohemia Grove.

00:08:11.000 It was a great year.

00:08:12.000 It was a great year for the Grove, 1999. There we go.

00:08:16.000 Pound for pound is good stuff.

00:08:17.000 But I figure you would like this.

00:08:18.000 Happy birthday.

00:08:24.000 That's good quality, man.

00:08:27.000 Boy tears.

00:08:28.000 Boy tears.

00:08:29.000 They soak them in boy tears over at the Grove, and then they give them.

00:08:33.000 How old?

00:08:34.000 54?

00:08:34.000 54. How does it feel?

00:08:36.000 I feel good.

00:08:36.000 Yeah?

00:08:37.000 Yeah.

00:08:37.000 You're doing good.

00:08:38.000 Pretty fucking good. 0.99

00:08:38.000 You were fucking celebrating last night, bro. 0.99

00:08:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:41.000 Well, that's why I ate so much, too.

00:08:42.000 Oh, my God, dude.

00:08:42.000 It's birthday food.

00:08:43.000 Just an animal.

00:08:45.000 Just an animal.

00:08:46.000 That golden tiger.

00:08:48.000 I gotta tell you something, man.

00:08:50.000 Okay.

00:08:50.000 After this morning, I can't hear any more New York slander on the pod after what I saw this morning at our place.

00:08:57.000 What'd you see? 1.00

00:08:58.000 A fucking naked guy... 1.00

00:09:01.000 With a string thong, broke into our complex, where we're staying right here, with a knife. 1.00

00:09:07.000 Hmm.

00:09:08.000 This morning.

00:09:09.000 Well, that's called suicide by cop. 0.99

00:09:11.000 He's trying to die. 0.52

00:09:13.000 Everybody has a gun here.

00:09:14.000 I gotta show you this video. 0.98

00:09:15.000 If a guy broke in with a knife and wearing a thong, he wants to die.

00:09:18.000 Bro, he stole a Maserati earlier.

00:09:20.000 Really?

00:09:21.000 Parked at our place.

00:09:22.000 And then, look at this.

00:09:24.000 And then just is... 0.99

00:09:26.000 Trying to get in butt ass naked, shredded by the way, in amazing shape. 0.99

00:09:31.000 Really? 0.99

00:09:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:09:34.000 I like how you can see it from the pool.

00:09:35.000 That's pretty dope.

00:09:37.000 Is this an Austin thing here?

00:09:40.000 I'm hearing a lot of New York slander about how dangerous New York is.

00:09:43.000 This isn't dangerous, it's just fun.

00:09:46.000 Alright, fair enough.

00:09:46.000 Did anybody get hurt?

00:09:47.000 No.

00:09:48.000 People are getting shot left and right in New York. 0.99

00:09:50.000 They're beating the fuck out of people. 0.96

00:09:51.000 I watch videos. 1.00

00:09:52.000 If you're Asian, you have problems. 1.00

00:09:54.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:09:55.000 Asians were going through it.

00:09:56.000 For a little bit.

00:09:57.000 They were definitely going through it.

00:09:58.000 Yeah, they were going through it.

00:09:59.000 Miranus got cracked.

00:10:01.000 He did, but he had it coming, though.

00:10:03.000 Like, that guy had it coming, bro. 1.00

00:10:04.000 Shrinking them fucking kids and shit, dog. 1.00

00:10:06.000 Yeah, that's not good. 1.00

00:10:07.000 You can't be shrinking kids, Joe.

00:10:09.000 Honey, I shrunk the kids. 1.00

00:10:10.000 What a fucking movie. 1.00

00:10:12.000 Nah, but New York is fine, man. 1.00

00:10:13.000 It's not fine.

00:10:14.000 It's fine.

00:10:15.000 I'm there.

00:10:16.000 It's doomed.

00:10:17.000 It's beautiful. 0.86

00:10:18.000 Even the governor's sexually groping people. 0.98

00:10:21.000 That's Italian, bro. 0.90

00:10:22.000 That is being Italian, Joe. 0.86

00:10:24.000 You're disrespecting Italian culture. 0.99

00:10:26.000 Isn't that an amazing excuse?

00:10:27.000 It's the greatest excuse ever.

00:10:28.000 Amazing excuse.

00:10:29.000 I'm not a pervert.

00:10:30.000 I'm Italian.

00:10:31.000 I'm Napoledon.

00:10:34.000 This is our culture.

00:10:37.000 Joe, this is our culture.

00:10:38.000 Did you see Kyle Dunnigan's take on it?

00:10:40.000 No, what did he do?

00:10:41.000 Oh my God.

00:10:42.000 Kyle Dunnigan.

00:10:43.000 He's got great stuff.

00:10:44.000 Shout out to Kyle, man.

00:10:45.000 Shout out to Kyle Dunnigan and Kurt Metzger.

00:10:47.000 And Kurt, too.

00:10:48.000 I'm having them both come on together.

00:10:50.000 Oh, God bless.

00:10:50.000 They have one of the best shows that's ever existed.

00:10:53.000 First of all, they do that Biden sitcom.

00:10:57.000 Have you seen that?

00:10:58.000 No, no, I haven't seen that.

00:10:58.000 The Fresh Prez?

00:10:59.000 No, no. 0.99

00:10:59.000 Oh my god, it's fucking amazing. 0.99

00:11:01.000 Because it's all face swaps. 0.98

00:11:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:03.000 So he's got Biden and the face swaps.

00:11:04.000 Yeah.

00:11:05.000 And now he's got...

00:11:06.000 Oh, I love it.

00:11:07.000 It's right with Ben Shapiro on his lap.

00:11:08.000 Oh, Ben.

00:11:09.000 Look at AOC. Yeah.

00:11:11.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.98

00:11:13.000 But it's the new one that he did with Cuomo. 0.97

00:11:17.000 What'd he do?

00:11:17.000 Give me some volume.

00:11:18.000 He's got this thing.

00:11:19.000 It's the Andrew Cuomo Rock and Chart Show.

00:11:22.000 With me.

00:11:22.000 Like here.

00:11:23.000 Andrew Cuomo.

00:11:29.000 Oh, I did see this.

00:11:30.000 Oh, I did see this.

00:11:35.000 When I was a boy, I would watch Howdy Doody.

00:11:38.000 One day, I received a gift.

00:11:41.000 It was a Howdy Doody dog.

00:11:43.000 It was my favorite toy to play with.

00:11:45.000 Until the day I found something more fun to play with. 1.00

00:11:49.000 My penis. 1.00

00:11:51.000 Sit back, relax, and take me in. 1.00

00:11:54.000 I'll entertain and teach you.

00:11:55.000 That's a real win-win.

00:11:57.000 It's the Governor Andrew Cuomo Rocky Chalk Show.

00:12:04.000 Welcome to the show.

00:12:06.000 We'll be getting to the controversy and my imminent arrest in a minute for some housekeeping.

00:12:13.000 I have decided to ditch Mitch and go with a young hip sidekick, the king of Staten Island, Pete Davidson.

00:12:22.000 Pete, what's happening?

00:12:25.000 Uh, nothing, I guess.

00:12:29.000 Fascinating. 0.60

00:12:32.000 I have been accused of touching women's privates. 1.00

00:12:35.000 Not true.

00:12:36.000 I'm Italian.

00:12:38.000 We talk with our hands, and all that my hands were saying was, what time is it?

00:12:45.000 And sometimes, when you hear your family.

00:12:50.000 Make sense?

00:12:55.000 When you're here, you're family.

00:12:59.000 I love it.

00:13:00.000 You gotta admit, that's an all-time excuse, though. 0.94

00:13:03.000 It's a ridiculous thing to say.

00:13:05.000 And the video that he put up, did you see the video where he's like grabbing- No, I didn't see it. 0.93

00:13:08.000 Oh, Cuomo, I think it was like at the press conference, he put up this video of him like touching all the people.

00:13:15.000 He goes, I've touched men.

00:13:17.000 And there's a picture of him kissing a guy.

00:13:19.000 I've touched women.

00:13:20.000 I've touched powerful people.

00:13:22.000 He's holding Bill Clinton's face as he's like kissing him on the cheek.

00:13:25.000 And it was like a really, it was interesting defense because at the start I'm like- Let me see that.

00:13:29.000 Can I see the video?

00:13:30.000 You know what I'm talking about, Jamie?

00:13:31.000 See, I kiss and touch everyone.

00:13:32.000 Cuomo shows gallery of him kissing men, women, LGBTQ. He was snitching on himself.

00:13:39.000 He's like, you think I touch people?

00:13:40.000 Of course I touch.

00:13:41.000 And he just put all the different people he's touched, but it looked kind of innocent.

00:13:45.000 Look.

00:13:45.000 Let's see this.

00:13:46.000 Give me some volume.

00:13:50.000 He's narrating.

00:13:51.000 Oh, my God.

00:13:53.000 Oh, we've got three seconds.

00:13:55.000 Two, one, and...

00:13:57.000 Here we go.

00:13:59.000 Raised against me questions that have sought to unfairly characterize and weaponize everyday interactions that I've had with any number of New Yorkers.

00:14:11.000 The New York Times published a front page picture of me touching a woman's face at a wedding and then kissing her on the cheek.

00:14:24.000 That is not front page news.

00:14:27.000 I've been making the same gesture in public all my life.

00:14:34.000 I actually learned it from my mother.

00:14:37.000 That's her fault. 0.97

00:14:40.000 I learned how to be a pervert from my mom. 0.99

00:14:43.000 It's a long line of perverts. 0.98

00:14:44.000 Nothing more.

00:14:46.000 Indeed, there are hundreds, if not thousands of photos of me using the exact same gesture.

00:14:54.000 I do it with everyone.

00:14:57.000 Black and white, young and old, straight and LGBTQ. Powerful people.

00:15:09.000 Look at this!

00:15:11.000 Clinton went nose to nose.

00:15:13.000 There's Eskimo kissing. 0.88

00:15:15.000 People who I meet on the street.

00:15:18.000 After the event, the woman told the press that she took offense at the gesture.

00:15:25.000 And for that, I apologize.

00:15:29.000 Another woman stated that I kissed her on the forehead at our Christmas party and that I said, Ciao Bella.

00:15:41.000 Now, I don't remember doing it, but I'm sure that I did.

00:15:46.000 I do kiss people on the forehead.

00:15:49.000 I do kiss people on the cheek.

00:15:52.000 I do kiss people on the hand.

00:15:55.000 I do embrace people.

00:15:57.000 I do hug people.

00:15:59.000 Men and women.

00:16:02.000 I do on occasion say, ciao Bella.

00:16:07.000 On occasion, I do slip and say sweetheart people.

00:16:12.000 I do tell jokes, some better than others.

00:16:17.000 I am the same person in public as I am in private.

00:16:23.000 You have seen me do it on TV through all my briefings and for 40 years before that.

00:16:29.000 I try to put people at ease.

00:16:32.000 I try to make them smile.

00:16:34.000 I try to connect with them.

00:16:36.000 And I try to show my appreciation and my friendship.

00:16:41.000 I now understand that there are generational or cultural perspectives that, frankly, I hadn't fully appreciated.

00:16:53.000 And I have learned from this.

00:16:56.000 Now, the state already has an advanced sexual harassment training program for all employees, including me.

00:17:04.000 But I want New York State government to be a model of office behavior.

00:17:09.000 And I brought in an expert.

00:17:13.000 So this is all before he resigned?

00:17:16.000 Yes.

00:17:16.000 That was the last-ditch effort.

00:17:18.000 Like, we were supposed to see that and be like, you're okay.

00:17:20.000 But it's more than that that he's accused of.

00:17:23.000 No, the accusations are crazy, right?

00:17:25.000 The accusations that he was trying to like finger girls, right?

00:17:27.000 Yeah, like that, like Ciao Bella.

00:17:29.000 Did someone get upset at that?

00:17:31.000 Maybe.

00:17:33.000 I don't know.

00:17:33.000 I think that's a little bit crazy.

00:17:35.000 I mean, he is like an older Italian guy, so there's going to be a certain amount of... 0.96

00:17:38.000 Ciao Bella, why is that offensive?

00:17:39.000 It means hello beautiful.

00:17:40.000 Yeah, why is that offensive?

00:17:41.000 I don't know.

00:17:42.000 Or goodbye beautiful.

00:17:43.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:17:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:45.000 So you're Italian.

00:17:46.000 Yeah.

00:17:47.000 I mean, how do you resist?

00:17:50.000 Touching?

00:17:50.000 Yeah, like, how does that Italianist not come out?

00:17:53.000 I don't know.

00:17:53.000 When you're around pitch?

00:17:54.000 I have a little bit of Irish in me.

00:17:55.000 Oh, that's what it is.

00:17:57.000 You just go like this when you see some girls.

00:17:59.000 That's 25% standoff in me.

00:18:01.000 I don't...

00:18:02.000 But yeah, he's being an old guy. 1.00

00:18:04.000 He's fucking... 1.00

00:18:04.000 What is he? 1.00

00:18:05.000 70 years old?

00:18:05.000 I don't want to defend it.

00:18:06.000 If it was just that...

00:18:07.000 That'd be fine. 1.00

00:18:08.000 I think there's some serious shit. 1.00

00:18:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:10.000 And maybe he was trying to hit on a girl. 1.00

00:18:12.000 He was trying to get his dick wet a little bit. 1.00

00:18:13.000 Do you know the whole story with the lady who was... 1.00

00:18:15.000 She's the attorney general, right?

00:18:16.000 The one who prosecuted this?

00:18:19.000 Patricia James is her name?

00:18:20.000 Yeah.

00:18:20.000 Do you know she was in another party and he made her denounce her party in order to come over to work for him and then she immediately went after him?

00:18:29.000 Whoa.

00:18:35.000 It's heavy.

00:18:36.000 So he's got like a history of making women do things they don't want to do.

00:18:39.000 Well, I don't know if you made her, you know, I think it's a political thing.

00:18:41.000 You probably would do it for a guy too. 0.98

00:18:43.000 Busting balls. 0.79

00:18:44.000 But yeah, it's just so interesting. 0.71

00:18:47.000 I don't know.

00:18:48.000 Because you see that, you're like, yeah, this is how old people were.

00:18:50.000 Like old people were way more tactile. 1.00

00:18:52.000 At least like Mediterranean folks. 1.00

00:18:53.000 Yeah, they were very touchy.

00:18:54.000 That's fine.

00:18:55.000 And I don't think that's, and I think that's a lot of like the Biden thing. 1.00

00:18:57.000 Like, you know, like the Biden sniffing kid shit. 0.99

00:18:59.000 I don't like that. 1.00

00:19:00.000 You wouldn't let him sniff your kid?

00:19:02.000 That bothers me.

00:19:03.000 I'd let him sniff my kid.

00:19:04.000 Really?

00:19:05.000 100%.

00:19:05.000 Because you don't have any kids.

00:19:06.000 Once you have kids, you're like, why are you sniffing my kid?

00:19:09.000 Your father instincts would kick in.

00:19:12.000 Let me think.

00:19:13.000 Plus, I don't think you'd remember if it's a kid or not.

00:19:16.000 I think he'd be confused.

00:19:18.000 Just in the moment, he's like, this is a full- Maybe he thinks it's like a smaller person.

00:19:20.000 That's it, yeah.

00:19:21.000 I'm just sniffing midgets. 0.91

00:19:23.000 Dude, that's one of my favorite pastimes, dude.

00:19:25.000 I'm a midget sniffer, dude.

00:19:27.000 If I see a midget, I gotta smell them, dude. 1.00

00:19:29.000 They smell so delicious.

00:19:31.000 I just don't think, like, I think that thing is way bigger a deal than it needs to be.

00:19:36.000 The sniffing?

00:19:36.000 Yeah, like, the cognitive ability is the thing that scares me.

00:19:39.000 Not sniffing kids.

00:19:40.000 Right.

00:19:41.000 Just keep the kids away from them.

00:19:42.000 I think the sniffing kids in public is part of the cognitive decline.

00:19:46.000 Like, he doesn't recognize that people don't like that.

00:19:48.000 But you don't think it's just him being 200?

00:19:50.000 Look at him. 0.98

00:19:51.000 Oh, that one on the side is fucked up at the bottom, right? 0.99

00:19:54.000 I mean, it looks like he's, like, pulling... 0.98

00:19:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:56.000 They're all fucked up. 1.00

00:19:57.000 Yeah, that one, she's really uncomfortable. 1.00

00:19:59.000 They're working away from them.

00:20:00.000 Yeah.

00:20:01.000 They're distorting their facial expressions.

00:20:03.000 Yeah.

00:20:03.000 It's very strange.

00:20:04.000 But why would they smell like that?

00:20:05.000 Like, why would they come in smelling like that, Joe?

00:20:07.000 Why would they wear perfume that day? 0.95

00:20:09.000 Why would they smell so good?

00:20:10.000 Why would they do that?

00:20:11.000 They want to be sniffed.

00:20:12.000 Am I a victim blamer?

00:20:13.000 Maybe. 1.00

00:20:14.000 Holy shit, dude. 1.00

00:20:15.000 Maybe. 0.99

00:20:16.000 But just for sniffing.

00:20:17.000 It's like...

00:20:18.000 It's the worst...

00:20:19.000 I mean, if that's the worst thing that happens to you, you get sniffed?

00:20:22.000 Yeah, like, you can get over a sniff.

00:20:24.000 Yeah, you should.

00:20:25.000 And I think it's an older person thing. 1.00

00:20:26.000 I think the Cuomo stuff that was messed up is probably he was trying to finger these girls or grabbing titties or just being a real, like, scumbag. 0.99

00:20:32.000 And I'm just not surprised, like, anybody, like... 0.99

00:20:36.000 That wants to be in a position of power uses their power shitty.

00:20:40.000 Yeah, especially that kind of thing, like a governor or president. 0.99

00:20:44.000 It used to be, back in the JFK days, that's why you became president, so you could fuck everybody. 0.99

00:20:51.000 Was JFK the last one? 0.99

00:20:55.000 I don't know.

00:20:56.000 That's a good question.

00:20:57.000 Who do you think?

00:20:58.000 Well, Clinton, obviously.

00:21:00.000 But was he really getting it in?

00:21:01.000 Clinton got busted.

00:21:02.000 Yeah, but he wasn't getting it in like that.

00:21:03.000 I think he was getting it in.

00:21:04.000 I think he was getting it in.

00:21:05.000 I think Clinton was getting it in. 1.00

00:21:06.000 I think he had people that can keep their fucking mouth shut. 1.00

00:21:08.000 If you don't fuck with Monica Lewinsky and then Pamela Anderson the same week. 1.00

00:21:12.000 No offense to Monica, but if you're fucking with Monica, like the chick that just works down the hall. 1.00

00:21:16.000 I think Clinton would fuck anybody who's locked in a room with him. 1.00

00:21:19.000 Interesting. 1.00

00:21:19.000 I think he's one of them cats. 1.00

00:21:22.000 Really?

00:21:22.000 You think he'll ever go down or he dies first?

00:21:26.000 I think if he was going to go down, he would have already gone down.

00:21:29.000 Yeah.

00:21:30.000 I mean, do you remember when Trump had all those women that accused him of rape?

00:21:34.000 It was one of the most hilarious things that I've ever seen. 0.99

00:21:36.000 Crazy, because Hillary tried to talk some shit about him, and he's like, oh really? 0.99

00:21:41.000 Check this out. 1.00

00:21:42.000 And he brought those girls front row. 1.00

00:21:45.000 If he's not going down for that...

00:21:49.000 Yeah.

00:21:49.000 If he hasn't gone down for that, what's he going down for?

00:21:52.000 Yeah, it's kind of tricky. 0.99

00:21:53.000 It would have to be some murder shit. 1.00

00:21:55.000 Some house of cards shit. 1.00

00:21:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:58.000 I don't know.

00:21:58.000 I just feel like people stop caring.

00:22:00.000 It's weird.

00:22:01.000 We only have a certain tolerance for caring. 0.99

00:22:03.000 We really cared about the Epstein shit for a minute. 0.99

00:22:05.000 Everybody's wearing t-shirts and hashtag this and that. 0.99

00:22:08.000 Epstein isn't dead or whatever.

00:22:10.000 He didn't hang himself.

00:22:11.000 He didn't hang himself.

00:22:11.000 Yeah.

00:22:12.000 And now we're like, okay.

00:22:13.000 It's like the UFO thing.

00:22:14.000 We were really all about it, and then the government was like, yeah, there might be some, and then we're like, okay, give us what we need.

00:22:19.000 It's actually pretty dangerous if you think about the fact that you got this guy Who is a key witness in one of the most high-profile sex trafficking things ever. 0.90

00:22:32.000 If what they accused him of is accurate, and that he really did involve heads of state, politicians, scientists, celebrities, and he brought them all to Fuck Island, and he filmed them. 0.83

00:22:47.000 If that's real... 0.94

00:22:50.000 If he really did have this giant fucking Rolodex of people that he could call and go, hey, you know, I got this video. 0.97

00:23:01.000 I don't want to release it, but I also want $150 million. 0.98

00:23:05.000 Yeah, might need to cough that up.

00:23:07.000 Who was that one guy who was the hedge fund guy that it turned out that they found that he had given Epstein $150 million?

00:23:15.000 Yeah.

00:23:16.000 This is like the most recent one that came out.

00:23:19.000 He's like a big... 1.00

00:23:20.000 Ah, fuck. 1.00

00:23:20.000 What is this guy's name? 1.00

00:23:22.000 Leon Black.

00:23:23.000 Leon Black.

00:23:24.000 Super rich cat.

00:23:25.000 And this guy is also in the news today.

00:23:26.000 He's in the news today?

00:23:28.000 A Russian model claims Wall Street billionaire Leon Black flew her to Palm Beach to satisfy the sex needs of Jeffrey Epstein.

00:23:36.000 I just typed in Epstein's name in Google and there's like five different stories that popped up within the last like 24 hours.

00:23:42.000 But why do you think we don't care, Joe?

00:23:43.000 Like why do you think we stop caring?

00:23:45.000 It's not that we don't care.

00:23:46.000 It's that there's so many things to care about.

00:23:49.000 You can't care about everything. 0.98

00:23:50.000 You can't care about UFOs and climate change and Epstein and Jelaine Maxwell or whatever the fuck. 0.97

00:23:56.000 How do you say her name? 0.99

00:23:57.000 I don't know, but she's got the heavies, bro.

00:24:00.000 Did you see the picture of her and the chick who... 1.00

00:24:02.000 Big Tatas? 0.99

00:24:02.000 Super heavies. 0.99

00:24:04.000 Did you see the picture of her and the chick from the Atlantic?

00:24:05.000 No.

00:24:06.000 Jamie, can you bring this up?

00:24:08.000 I mean...

00:24:09.000 Imagine if she got them done while she was on trial. 0.99

00:24:12.000 Brilliant move.

00:24:12.000 Imagine?

00:24:13.000 Brilliant move.

00:24:14.000 No, no, no, no.

00:24:15.000 It's her and the girl from the Atlantic.

00:24:16.000 She's in full bikini, super heavies, just out. 1.00

00:24:19.000 In bikini?

00:24:20.000 Bikini. 0.92

00:24:21.000 Go woman from the Atlantic. 1.00

00:24:23.000 You didn't see this?

00:24:24.000 Like...

00:24:26.000 Is it the upper right hand corner?

00:24:28.000 No, no, no.

00:24:30.000 No?

00:24:34.000 Was she...

00:24:34.000 No, no, you'll see.

00:24:36.000 I don't know.

00:24:36.000 She was like...

00:24:37.000 Anyway, but it was like stupid. 1.00

00:24:39.000 It was wild. 1.00

00:24:39.000 It was like... 1.00

00:24:40.000 She looks like she would have been a very attractive lady. 0.99

00:24:42.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:43.000 She was a total piece, man.

00:24:45.000 Total, total piece.

00:24:46.000 What do you think happened with that?

00:24:48.000 What was that weird relationship?

00:24:49.000 Because she would get the girls, right?

00:24:52.000 Yeah.

00:24:52.000 She would groom them?

00:24:54.000 Yeah, it was...

00:24:55.000 I don't know.

00:24:56.000 I guess maybe it was a lot easier when there was a girl there.

00:24:57.000 Remember that porn series, Bang Bus?

00:25:00.000 Do you remember that one?

00:25:01.000 They were in Miami, they just had a bus, right?

00:25:04.000 And they were like, pick up girls off the street. 0.97

00:25:06.000 Everybody was paid and shit, but they made you think they were picking girls off the street. 0.99

00:25:09.000 There was always a chick in the bus. 1.00

00:25:11.000 And that just calmed everything down. 1.00

00:25:13.000 It's not a bunch of fucking horny dudes, a guy with a huge dick, you get in the bus to get a ride wherever you need to go, and then you just start fucking, right? 0.99

00:25:20.000 There was a girl there who would help kick the game. 1.00

00:25:23.000 And it made it so much calmer, so much safer.

00:25:26.000 Even watching it, you're like, I feel way better that there's a woman here.

00:25:29.000 If there wasn't a woman here, this would be dangerous. 1.00

00:25:31.000 But this girl's here and she's making sure everything's okay. 0.99

00:25:34.000 It's like a dude being a pimp is way more gross than a woman being a madam. 1.00

00:25:40.000 Right. 1.00

00:25:40.000 For some fucking reason. 1.00

00:25:41.000 Right. 0.99

00:25:41.000 It's almost like the madam is easing everybody's discomfort and taking care of everything. 0.99

00:25:45.000 She's got their side.

00:25:46.000 She's making sure that she's that motherly role. 0.76

00:25:49.000 But realistically, she's the most savage. 0.99

00:25:51.000 Because she probably knows how to manipulate them in ways that guys never do. 1.00

00:25:55.000 And I think you have that shit. 1.00

00:25:57.000 Didn't the Buddy Ranch have some madam that kept all the girls in check? 1.00

00:26:00.000 Probably.

00:26:00.000 And he was just smoking them out, but she was the one that was really doing the due diligence.

00:26:05.000 So that's probably what they were doing.

00:26:07.000 I don't know, man.

00:26:08.000 Well, New York City has decriminalized prostitution.

00:26:10.000 Yeah, but it's always been.

00:26:12.000 Really?

00:26:12.000 I mean, like, they're not arrested.

00:26:15.000 There was a whole fucking HBO show about, like, picking up pussy on the street. 1.00

00:26:18.000 Like, in Hunts Point. 1.00

00:26:19.000 Yeah, but that's...

00:26:20.000 Like, none of those girls got arrested.

00:26:21.000 No, they arrested those girls sometimes. 1.00

00:26:23.000 They would bring them in.

00:26:24.000 $50.

00:26:24.000 Hey, what were you doing?

00:26:25.000 I wasn't doing anything.

00:26:26.000 But I think it's on the books now.

00:26:27.000 That's what's different.

00:26:28.000 It's official.

00:26:29.000 I think, like, weed is decriminalized, too.

00:26:31.000 But I guess what I'm saying is, like, I don't know.

00:26:33.000 Like, in New York, like, what is it?

00:26:34.000 You're not allowed to jaywalk.

00:26:36.000 Right.

00:26:36.000 But like, we're gonna jaywalk.

00:26:38.000 So there's certain things that they don't bust you on. 0.99

00:26:40.000 Like the cops don't bust your balls. 0.99

00:26:41.000 Yeah, but in LA, they bust you for jaywalking. 1.00

00:26:42.000 Yeah, but LA sucks. 1.00

00:26:44.000 Ooh. 1.00

00:26:44.000 Shots fired. 1.00

00:26:45.000 Is that a hot take?

00:26:46.000 That's a little bit of a hot take, but other people share it.

00:26:49.000 Do you think so?

00:26:50.000 But not you.

00:26:52.000 That's why I moved.

00:26:53.000 We were having dinner with Newsom last night, remember?

00:26:56.000 Remember when we went bowling with Newsom and Pelosi?

00:26:58.000 Did you see the Newsom video with him losing his temper?

00:27:02.000 Oh, it's great.

00:27:02.000 I love it.

00:27:03.000 Be passionate.

00:27:04.000 He's clearly under fire.

00:27:05.000 I think he realizes it's coming down.

00:27:07.000 He's out of here, right?

00:27:08.000 That Larry Elder fella.

00:27:10.000 That Larry Elder fella is a smooth talker, conservative radio host, smooth talker.

00:27:17.000 The radio guys, bro.

00:27:18.000 And people like him.

00:27:19.000 They like him a lot.

00:27:20.000 He's very popular.

00:27:21.000 He's got a huge national show.

00:27:23.000 Yeah.

00:27:24.000 I mean, he's been around for a long time.

00:27:27.000 When he decided to step in...

00:27:30.000 They were all upset.

00:27:31.000 Caitlyn Jenner, I'm sure, was upset.

00:27:32.000 Yeah, what's the deal with her? 0.99

00:27:33.000 She had it.

00:27:34.000 You think she had it?

00:27:35.000 No, she had no chance.

00:27:37.000 Never?

00:27:37.000 No.

00:27:38.000 She's a male Kardashian.

00:27:40.000 She's a what? 1.00

00:27:40.000 Female. 1.00

00:27:41.000 She's a male Kardashian. 1.00

00:27:44.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:27:45.000 Is she? 1.00

00:27:46.000 I don't know.

00:27:46.000 It's a grab at attention.

00:27:49.000 You don't actually think she can do it?

00:27:50.000 She's a conservative.

00:27:51.000 She's a conservative.

00:27:52.000 I think a lot of people like the idea of a conservative transsexual.

00:27:55.000 Yeah, because it makes you feel comfortable with your political beliefs.

00:27:59.000 Yeah, and you know, transsexual people being in the public eye a lot more now, and particularly her, she's like the main one, would be interesting.

00:28:10.000 The first ever transsexual governor.

00:28:12.000 I'm sure California would love to elect the first ever transsexual governor and claim the throne as the most progressive state of all time.

00:28:22.000 Yeah.

00:28:23.000 Because they're pretty much there right now.

00:28:24.000 You think they are?

00:28:26.000 I mean, it's got to be the most politically correct state.

00:28:30.000 Yeah.

00:28:31.000 In terms of, like, adopting the woke ideology, no one adopts it more heavy and hardcore than California.

00:28:36.000 I guess I'm so just, like...

00:28:38.000 Over it?

00:28:39.000 I'm just out of the loop, you know?

00:28:41.000 Like, it's...

00:28:43.000 I don't know.

00:28:43.000 It's weird.

00:28:44.000 It's like one of these things...

00:28:44.000 I remember when we moved back to New York, you know, I started doing shows again, and it was, like, for the first time, and, like...

00:28:50.000 It was the first time in four months that I did shows for a crowd that kind of groaned and had pushback on ideas or words.

00:28:58.000 Because you've been in Miami.

00:29:00.000 I've been in Miami.

00:29:00.000 And we've been on the road and I've been performing for my guys, right?

00:29:04.000 We're good to go.

00:29:24.000 Would all act the exact same way as the people at my shows if they were in that environment.

00:29:29.000 This is just an unfamiliar environment for them.

00:29:31.000 They're at the Comedy Cellar, but they're there with their co-workers.

00:29:34.000 They might not want their co-workers to know that they find trans jokes funny or homophobic jokes funny or racist jokes funny.

00:29:40.000 There's a level of discomfort.

00:29:42.000 You think it's unique because they're with their co-workers?

00:29:43.000 That's unique to New York City?

00:29:45.000 I think it's like you know how you should be and you know how you should be in public and you also know how you are.

00:29:53.000 And I think the great thing, at least that I've been able to experience, is people get to be who they are at these shows, right?

00:29:59.000 So, like, everybody knows that everybody could get it.

00:30:02.000 Any race, religion, anybody...

00:30:03.000 If you're trans, you're gonna get it. 1.00

00:30:05.000 Everybody's getting it at the shows.

00:30:06.000 So everybody submits to that when they walk in.

00:30:08.000 They're okay.

00:30:09.000 But when you're at the random show with people that they don't even know in the lineup, you know, everybody's doing 15-minute spots, you don't know what behavior you should have.

00:30:17.000 So you go in there going, okay, I gotta be appropriate like I'm appropriate at work.

00:30:21.000 And it's up to us to either make the jokes funny enough so that they can kind of let loose a little bit.

00:30:27.000 And that is on us.

00:30:28.000 I'll take that.

00:30:28.000 But also create a culture at the club where the club is like, hey, you're allowed to laugh.

00:30:33.000 It's okay to laugh.

00:30:35.000 It's okay.

00:30:35.000 Because I guarantee every one of those people, if they came to one of my shows, would just fall in line.

00:30:39.000 They just fall right the fuck out.

00:30:40.000 Because they would be there with your fans.

00:30:43.000 And people would understand it.

00:30:44.000 Exactly.

00:30:45.000 That's the one good thing about having your own show where people know what to expect.

00:30:49.000 But it's also the one good thing about being in a place like the cellar or the store where you're dealing with 15 people a night where you can't get away with that.

00:30:58.000 And so you need to...

00:30:59.000 You need the balance.

00:31:00.000 You need to figure out how to finesse people that might not agree with your ideas.

00:31:03.000 100%.

00:31:04.000 It allows you to structure your jokes in a way where you make them more palatable with the same ideas and the same jokes, but you figure out a way to ease them in better.

00:31:14.000 Yeah.

00:31:14.000 That's the game.

00:31:15.000 Yeah.

00:31:16.000 That's the game.

00:31:16.000 That is the game.

00:31:17.000 I guess one of the...

00:31:19.000 The benefits of having some visibility or people know about me and they know about you like they understand your perspective is like there's an expectation when you walk on stage like I used to always be like I used to always be jealous of comics that like looked a certain way when they walk on stage and they could just acknowledge it.

00:31:36.000 Look funny. 0.98

00:31:36.000 Yeah and it's like everybody's thinking the same thing you walk on stage satisfied go and I hated the first few minutes because Because nobody knows the fuck I am when I walk on stage. 0.98

00:31:46.000 Every Jewish person thinks I'm Jewish. 0.99

00:31:48.000 Every Italian thinks I'm Italian.

00:31:49.000 Right?

00:31:50.000 I have the people like, why is he kind of talk? 0.85

00:31:51.000 He's using like slang words and shit like that. 0.55

00:31:53.000 Nobody knows. 0.99

00:31:55.000 So it would like a few minutes, I have to really hit them with a fucking haymaker where they're like, okay, he's funny. 0.99

00:32:00.000 I'll get on board. 0.99

00:32:01.000 And it's nice now to be at the point where it's like, okay, can we just tell some fucking jokes? 0.99

00:32:05.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:32:06.000 I don't want to prove myself to you.

00:32:08.000 That's not the ego thing that I get off on. 1.00

00:32:09.000 I get off on us all coming together and having some fun on some fucked up shit. 1.00

00:32:12.000 Right. 1.00

00:32:13.000 Right?

00:32:14.000 I guess there are some people who, they really like proving the crowd wrong.

00:32:18.000 And it's like, buddy, you're gonna get to a point in your career where the crowd is gonna like you.

00:32:22.000 Yeah.

00:32:22.000 It's not win over.

00:32:24.000 The goal is not be like, oh, I didn't think he was funny.

00:32:26.000 He was.

00:32:26.000 You know, that's a fear that a lot of people have.

00:32:28.000 They're gonna get soft because of that. 0.98

00:32:30.000 Because they're gonna have their own crowd.

00:32:32.000 That was...

00:32:32.000 You're as hard as you are.

00:32:34.000 That's true.

00:32:34.000 Come, you know what I mean?

00:32:35.000 Some accountability. 0.73

00:32:36.000 Like, you know if the joke's trash. 0.74

00:32:37.000 Right.

00:32:38.000 Like, we've all been on the road.

00:32:39.000 You should know.

00:32:39.000 We hear something and we're like...

00:32:41.000 Alright, that got too big a laugh.

00:32:43.000 Right.

00:32:43.000 I need to work on that for me.

00:32:45.000 Right, right, right.

00:32:47.000 It's one of those things where it's like, you're not performing for the back room.

00:32:51.000 I don't believe in that.

00:32:53.000 You perform for the people who are there, but you think about it a little.

00:32:56.000 Well, you know if you're doing something that's hack.

00:32:59.000 Yes.

00:32:59.000 You know where you're taking a shortcut or you're doing a cheap laugh.

00:33:03.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:33:05.000 But I think you need to do all kinds of different places.

00:33:08.000 And I think doing those store-type shows, the seller-type shows, where they're not there to see you.

00:33:14.000 They're there to see everybody.

00:33:15.000 Pop in.

00:33:16.000 Pop in.

00:33:17.000 See the crowd. 0.99

00:33:17.000 15 different fucking comics on the lineup. 0.99

00:33:19.000 And who's to say what percentage are there to see Andrew Schultz? 0.98

00:33:23.000 There might be like 10 of them.

00:33:24.000 There might be 20 to see this guy, 5 to see this guy.

00:33:27.000 You know what?

00:33:28.000 You don't know.

00:33:29.000 So those shows are a good part of your...

00:33:32.000 It's like if you're a cross-trainer.

00:33:34.000 If you're a fighter and you're training for your sport, you're not just sparring.

00:33:38.000 You've got to do some road work.

00:33:40.000 You've got to lift a little weights.

00:33:41.000 You've got to do some hard cardio, some wind sprints.

00:33:45.000 You know what's the best, really? 0.98

00:33:47.000 One of the best things ever is those weird fucking shows where there's like 20 people in the audience. 0.97

00:33:51.000 They are the best for you. 0.98

00:33:52.000 Dude, there's a show...

00:33:55.000 Will Silvins, the comic in New York, and he runs it at the upstairs room at the cellar, and it's just called New Jokes.

00:34:00.000 And he does it, and it's similar to Jeremiah's Stand Up on the Spot.

00:34:05.000 Stand Up on the Spot, but it's not like where they just throw something at you and then you do it, right?

00:34:10.000 You do any new ideas you have, but my favorite part of it is afterwards Will comes up with you.

00:34:15.000 And you kind of talk about the bits together in front of a crowd.

00:34:19.000 And all of a sudden, you're like, I'm finding tags.

00:34:23.000 I'm finding a different angle that I didn't see.

00:34:25.000 Sometimes you're too close to a joke.

00:34:27.000 You're trying to make it work because it's right in front of you.

00:34:30.000 And if it was somebody else's joke, if it was your friend's joke, you'd be like, bro, what about going this way?

00:34:35.000 There's something about being so close to it that it almost limits creativity a little bit.

00:34:40.000 You're like, the laugh is almost there.

00:34:42.000 I'm going to kind of grind this.

00:34:43.000 I'm going to grind this.

00:34:44.000 But the reality is, The laughs is a completely other direction.

00:34:47.000 And being up there and riffing back and forth, I forgot how fun that was in front of 30 people.

00:34:55.000 Not that many people.

00:34:56.000 40 people or something like that.

00:34:57.000 But having that live feedback, I was like, this is the most fun way to write.

00:35:00.000 At least for me.

00:35:01.000 Yeah, that's the thing about those kind of shows where you're improvising on the spot.

00:35:06.000 They got a show out here called The Riff, and what they use is cards.

00:35:09.000 The audience will fill out index cards, like Obama's Super Spreader Party.

00:35:15.000 You write things down on it, and then they take these things, they pull them out of this box, and they stick them on this wheel, just randomly, and then they spin the wheel, and it'll land on one of the things.

00:35:27.000 And you grab the card and you're like, okay.

00:35:30.000 Yeah.

00:35:30.000 And then you start talking.

00:35:31.000 Nancy Pelosi's chin.

00:35:32.000 Yeah.

00:35:32.000 And then you start talking about that.

00:35:34.000 You're like, okay.

00:35:34.000 And then you have a bit that you riff right off of that.

00:35:38.000 Oh, Pelosi. 0.99

00:35:38.000 It's fucking great, man. 0.99

00:35:39.000 I love those kind of shows. 0.99

00:35:41.000 Those are very, very valuable shows.

00:35:43.000 Yeah.

00:35:43.000 Nah, it's good to do stand-up again.

00:35:45.000 Dude, I think I was telling you this, but I was in Miami and it was so nice, I couldn't write anything.

00:35:51.000 Yeah, you were having too much fun.

00:35:54.000 I didn't realize it back then, like what I initially pushed back against.

00:35:58.000 Like really every single joke is pushing back against somebody being outraged at something I don't think they should be outraged by.

00:36:05.000 And there's a lot of that in New York.

00:36:07.000 It's non-stop.

00:36:08.000 It's non-stop.

00:36:09.000 Everybody's upset.

00:36:10.000 I'm walking down the street, some girl calling me a murderer because I don't have a mask.

00:36:13.000 You know what I mean?

00:36:13.000 Really?

00:36:14.000 Oh, multiple times.

00:36:15.000 Multiple times.

00:36:16.000 Now?

00:36:16.000 In my neighborhood.

00:36:17.000 No, not now.

00:36:18.000 But like back during the pandemic before we left.

00:36:21.000 So walking down the street outside.

00:36:23.000 Walking a golden doodle.

00:36:24.000 I'm a good person.

00:36:24.000 I have a dog.

00:36:25.000 I have a golden doodle dog.

00:36:26.000 I'm not a bad guy, right?

00:36:28.000 If I have a golden doodle, right?

00:36:29.000 Yes.

00:36:29.000 I'm soft.

00:36:31.000 That's like an effeminate dog. 0.66

00:36:32.000 Sweetie.

00:36:32.000 It's a sweet dog.

00:36:33.000 It's beautiful.

00:36:33.000 I love her.

00:36:34.000 It's amazing. 0.99

00:36:37.000 Murderer.

00:36:37.000 I couldn't fathom what she called that.

00:36:40.000 Murderer.

00:36:40.000 And I was like, what?

00:36:42.000 And she was like, murderer. 1.00

00:36:45.000 Murderer. 0.60

00:36:46.000 Yeah.

00:36:46.000 See, I can't live in a place like that.

00:36:48.000 Yeah.

00:36:49.000 Yeah.

00:36:49.000 I don't need that in my life.

00:36:50.000 But for jokes, like that thing, let me tell you, if comedy clubs were open that night, some fun would have been had or a giant bomb.

00:36:59.000 An epic night would have happened because of that.

00:37:02.000 Something special.

00:37:02.000 Maybe a bomb, maybe a crush.

00:37:04.000 It will be remembered.

00:37:05.000 Yeah.

00:37:06.000 For good or bad reasons. 0.99

00:37:07.000 But that type of shit, like pushing back. 0.99

00:37:09.000 I need more calm, I think, than you do. 1.00

00:37:12.000 Ugh.

00:37:12.000 I need chaos.

00:37:14.000 I thrive in chaos, Joe.

00:37:15.000 I'm from New York.

00:37:17.000 This is what moves me.

00:37:18.000 Like, I try to go on vacation with my girl.

00:37:21.000 And we went to...

00:37:22.000 After the last time I came here.

00:37:23.000 Went to Hawaii.

00:37:24.000 Went to Lanai.

00:37:25.000 Yeah.

00:37:26.000 And I almost died, by the way.

00:37:28.000 What happened?

00:37:28.000 I almost drowned.

00:37:29.000 What?

00:37:29.000 Yeah.

00:37:30.000 For real?

00:37:30.000 I did drown, actually.

00:37:31.000 Yeah.

00:37:32.000 What do you mean?

00:37:32.000 I was surfing.

00:37:34.000 Yeah, that was crazy.

00:37:35.000 What happened?

00:37:37.000 Well, the whole time I was trying to surf.

00:37:38.000 I grew up surfing, right?

00:37:39.000 When I was here, I went to Waco.

00:37:40.000 I surfed Waco, amazing place.

00:37:43.000 And I was trying to organize surfing on the island of Lanai.

00:37:45.000 Lanai is the one island that's like blocked from northern swells.

00:37:49.000 So there's no surf.

00:37:50.000 The one island.

00:37:51.000 I didn't realize this.

00:37:52.000 I'm like, we're going to Hawaii.

00:37:52.000 There's going to be surf, right?

00:37:53.000 Of course.

00:37:55.000 I go to the hotel.

00:37:56.000 Can I get a surfboard?

00:37:56.000 They're like, no, we really don't recommend.

00:37:58.000 This is only for experts and that kind of stuff.

00:38:00.000 And I'm like, I've been surfing my whole life.

00:38:01.000 I'll be okay.

00:38:01.000 So I find a way.

00:38:02.000 I asked a million different people.

00:38:04.000 I finally find a way.

00:38:05.000 Contact this guy, Lanai, who's from Lanai.

00:38:07.000 He's a celebrity out there in Hawaii.

00:38:10.000 And good friends with BJ Penn.

00:38:12.000 Oh.

00:38:13.000 Yeah, who was one of the most horrifying stories, by the way, of getting caught in a wave pool.

00:38:17.000 Yeah, I heard about that.

00:38:17.000 I mean, this was...

00:38:18.000 Jesus Christ.

00:38:20.000 So I finally get a surfboard.

00:38:22.000 They drop it off at the hotel.

00:38:24.000 And the hotel's like, please, you shouldn't surf.

00:38:25.000 And I'm like, it's going to be fine.

00:38:27.000 They have once in a decade waves while I'm there.

00:38:31.000 This never happens.

00:38:32.000 It's supposedly flat the whole time in the winter.

00:38:33.000 Once in a decade right outside of the hotel.

00:38:36.000 Okay?

00:38:36.000 Hmm.

00:38:38.000 I don't know how to relax.

00:38:39.000 I don't know how to just sit on a thing and relax.

00:38:42.000 I can't do that, right?

00:38:43.000 My girl learned that about me when we went there.

00:38:45.000 So I'm like, let me just go surf.

00:38:47.000 I surf the first day, fun.

00:38:48.000 Surf the second day, fun.

00:38:49.000 I go one more day, I'll surf, and then we'll just do activities for the rest of the time.

00:38:53.000 I go out there, I catch a few waves.

00:38:55.000 The waves are breaking off of this point, right?

00:38:57.000 So that means that there's reef here, and there's some rocks, and the wave wraps around the rocks, and the rock starts to break, and then they go.

00:39:04.000 You take off on the wave really close to the rock, okay?

00:39:08.000 And what I was basically doing is watching the locals take off, and I was just taking off a little bit further outside than them.

00:39:15.000 I'm like, if that's where they take off, I go a little outside, I'll be okay.

00:39:19.000 I went out.

00:39:20.000 It was only two of us.

00:39:21.000 Every day there'd be like four of us.

00:39:22.000 It was like nobody surfing.

00:39:23.000 It was unbelievable the luck that I got. 0.99

00:39:26.000 It's just me and another white dude from like North Carolina or some shit. 0.61

00:39:30.000 So I don't know exactly where the takeoff is. 0.92

00:39:32.000 So I'm a little bit deeper.

00:39:33.000 Big one comes in.

00:39:34.000 I'm like, okay, I got this.

00:39:35.000 I go, paddle, pop up.

00:39:37.000 I fall on the takeoff, right?

00:39:39.000 Not a big deal.

00:39:40.000 Fall on waves all the time.

00:39:41.000 I'm getting thrashed around a little bit.

00:39:43.000 It's like head high waves.

00:39:44.000 Nothing like that crazy, but like I get thrashed.

00:39:46.000 I try to go to the surface.

00:39:48.000 I can't. 0.99

00:39:50.000 What the fuck is going on here, right? 0.99

00:39:51.000 I didn't even really care about my breath when I first went in because I'm not intending on being down for that long. 0.99

00:39:56.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:39:57.000 It's a little tumble.

00:39:59.000 I just went off the way of nothing.

00:40:00.000 Try to go up.

00:40:01.000 I can't.

00:40:01.000 Try to go up.

00:40:02.000 I can't.

00:40:03.000 I try to pierce the surface and I exhale right before.

00:40:11.000 Right?

00:40:12.000 Because you, I don't know, it's just, naturally, you just go, exhale here, and then breach.

00:40:17.000 Right?

00:40:17.000 Yeah.

00:40:18.000 So I exhale, I have no air left.

00:40:20.000 I'm still under.

00:40:21.000 My board or leash wrapped around the coral bed underneath.

00:40:26.000 Okay?

00:40:26.000 I can't go up.

00:40:28.000 I'm literally going, my girl's watching on the beach, in my mind.

00:40:30.000 So many things are passing through my mind.

00:40:32.000 I'm like, is she gonna watch me die?

00:40:33.000 Is she gonna, how long have I been under here?

00:40:35.000 I have no more air left.

00:40:36.000 I take a breath of water. 0.99

00:40:37.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:40:38.000 I thought you'd die then. 1.00

00:40:40.000 And in that moment, I had this weird pinpoint focus.

00:40:44.000 It was the weirdest thing I've ever experienced.

00:40:46.000 It was like, you're not going to die.

00:40:49.000 You're going to figure this out.

00:40:50.000 When I was surfing, oh this is crazy, when I was surfing here in Waco, I went out to dinner with the Geiselman brothers and Kevin Schultz.

00:40:59.000 They're surfers.

00:41:00.000 The Geiselman brothers, one of them was telling me a story, I think it was Evan, about when he got his board wrapped around coral.

00:41:08.000 He said, you don't bend at the waist to go undo the leash.

00:41:13.000 You actually pull your knee up because your legs are stronger than your core. 0.99

00:41:17.000 Or whatever the fuck it was. 0.96

00:41:18.000 I don't know exactly what it was. 0.99

00:41:20.000 In this moment, there was probably one second, I had the whole conversation play in my head.

00:41:25.000 It was the weirdest thing.

00:41:26.000 Everything was so slow, but it was like, I don't know what it was.

00:41:29.000 And I remember the conversation from dinner after we surfed, having Mexican food in Waco.

00:41:34.000 And in that moment, I pull my leg up.

00:41:37.000 And as I pull my leg up to take off the leash, something pops and I just get pushed up out of the water. 0.95

00:41:44.000 It was fucking unreal, dude. 0.89

00:41:45.000 I was like kicking the coral with my feet. 0.99

00:41:47.000 The bottom of my feet were all black and blue.

00:41:49.000 Like, it was crazy.

00:41:52.000 And I went back out and I surfed three more waves and then I came in.

00:41:55.000 What happened to BJ Penn?

00:41:57.000 He was surfing at, I don't want to say which one because he didn't say it, but he was surfing at a wave pool and the way the wave pools work is there's a...

00:42:04.000 When you say a wave pool and those artificial ones?

00:42:07.000 Artificial wave pool, yeah.

00:42:08.000 And what happened was he, in these wave pools, he was like in the initial stages, right?

00:42:13.000 So I think everybody was giving like a trial run before they put it out there.

00:42:16.000 And the way it works is there's this like engine room that sucks in water right and then shoots the water back out and that's what starts the wave right so you suck in the water there's a there's a depression in the water level and then you push it back out and all that water coming out at the same time creates a hump it hits more shallow water starts to break he's really close to the wall waiting to surf The suction happens.

00:42:42.000 Sucks him into the engine room.

00:42:45.000 He doesn't just get sucked underwater. 0.99

00:42:47.000 He gets sucked underwater into the room!

00:42:51.000 He's stuck in the room, Joe!

00:42:54.000 Bro, I'm reading this story.

00:42:56.000 I hit him up on Instagram.

00:42:58.000 I was like, dude, I can't believe what I just read. 0.99

00:43:00.000 He's stuck in the fucking room as water's coming in, right? 0.98

00:43:04.000 Filling up, bouncing him all around. 1.00

00:43:05.000 He doesn't know where the fuck he's going. 0.96

00:43:07.000 And then the water shoots out and then he has a second to breathe. 0.98

00:43:10.000 Water comes back in.

00:43:11.000 He's like, it was something out of a Saw movie.

00:43:13.000 It's like a torture technique.

00:43:15.000 He's like, the only reason I stayed alive is my kids.

00:43:18.000 And he said he credited fighting.

00:43:20.000 He goes, I've been in so many situations where it was like...

00:43:24.000 Where he thought about quitting.

00:43:26.000 Thought about quitting, but also like these brutal physical situations.

00:43:29.000 Right, where he knows how to endure.

00:43:30.000 Where he knows how to endure.

00:43:33.000 But can you imagine the fear?

00:43:35.000 You can't see anything.

00:43:36.000 Water's everywhere.

00:43:38.000 All of a sudden, you're locked.

00:43:39.000 You're like, am I locked in this thing?

00:43:40.000 I can't get out.

00:43:41.000 And then all the water gets sucked out.

00:43:42.000 You're like, okay, I can breathe.

00:43:43.000 So how did he get out?

00:43:44.000 I guess they stopped it, and they went down there.

00:43:46.000 And I guess they grabbed it.

00:43:47.000 So they knew he was in there?

00:43:48.000 I think, yeah.

00:43:49.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:43:50.000 Yeah, I can't speak for him, but I think that's what happened.

00:43:53.000 And now they've put grates there.

00:43:55.000 And now there's grates at all the wave pools, so that would never happen. 0.99

00:43:58.000 But the fact that they let people surf without the fucking grates? 0.99

00:44:00.000 Imagine getting sucked down a tube. 0.99

00:44:02.000 You see all the bruises on them? 1.00

00:44:04.000 Wild shit, man. 1.00

00:44:05.000 Like infections and shit? 1.00

00:44:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:07.000 But that's fucking Mario Brothers shit. 1.00

00:44:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:10.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

00:44:11.000 A game.

00:44:12.000 Like Saw.

00:44:13.000 Literally.

00:44:14.000 Yeah.

00:44:15.000 Wow.

00:44:15.000 Gnarly, right?

00:44:16.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:44:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:19.000 Yeah, heavy shit, man. 1.00

00:44:20.000 That's heavy. 1.00

00:44:21.000 Heavy shit. 1.00

00:44:22.000 But yeah, I guess I need to keep doing things. 1.00

00:44:24.000 See?

00:44:25.000 Take that, North Korean lady. 1.00

00:44:26.000 That's a real story about struggle. 1.00

00:44:33.000 That was the most entertaining, depressing fucking podcast, bro. 0.99

00:44:37.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:44:38.000 Do you think it's all real?

00:44:40.000 Oh, it's 100% real.

00:44:41.000 She's so small from lack of food.

00:44:46.000 Not all of her, Joe.

00:44:48.000 Yeah, well I think that was after the fact.

00:44:50.000 I think a doctor was involved.

00:44:53.000 You think so?

00:44:53.000 Yeah.

00:44:54.000 Shaking her hand.

00:44:56.000 I almost started making my girl eat rats after I saw her, dude. 1.00

00:44:59.000 I saw her talk on that podcast.

00:45:01.000 All I ate is rats.

00:45:02.000 I was like, oh, did ya?

00:45:03.000 It was mostly grasshoppers.

00:45:06.000 Grasshoppers?

00:45:06.000 Whatever, fry them up, dude.

00:45:08.000 Yeah, I get it.

00:45:12.000 She came out of North Korea stacked! 1.00

00:45:14.000 Yeah, she's... 0.99

00:45:15.000 Definitely.

00:45:18.000 She's like 80 pounds. 1.00

00:45:20.000 But you believe all of it.

00:45:20.000 Yeah.

00:45:20.000 Because you know there's some discrepancy in the stories, apparently.

00:45:23.000 How so?

00:45:24.000 I was reading some article, and it said she'd mixed things up, and her mom was saying this, and her mom was saying they really had it, they were balling in North Korea. 0.99

00:45:34.000 She had a fucking Chanel bag and shit like that. 1.00

00:45:36.000 No one's balling in North Korea. 1.00

00:45:38.000 That's what the mom said.

00:45:40.000 No one is balling in North Korea.

00:45:42.000 There's no way.

00:45:43.000 It doesn't happen.

00:45:44.000 There's no one bawling in North Korea.

00:45:46.000 They're starving to death.

00:45:48.000 How do we know we don't go?

00:45:49.000 First of all, the lady's 80 pounds. 1.00

00:45:51.000 She's a grown woman that's 80 pounds. 1.00

00:45:52.000 Koreans are not the biggest. 0.98

00:45:54.000 Yeah, but the way she's built is like, it's odd.

00:45:58.000 And I think it's a malnutrition thing.

00:46:00.000 I believe it.

00:46:01.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:46:02.000 What don't you agree?

00:46:03.000 I just heard, I'm reading this article saying like, because she's I guess on a show in South Korea that is full of people who got out.

00:46:10.000 Yes.

00:46:10.000 Right?

00:46:11.000 And like...

00:46:11.000 They were calling her like the Paris Hilton of North Korea.

00:46:14.000 Yeah.

00:46:15.000 And so...

00:46:16.000 She talked about that on the podcast.

00:46:17.000 Yeah.

00:46:18.000 So, um...

00:46:19.000 I don't know.

00:46:20.000 I don't know.

00:46:20.000 There are a couple different discrepancies of stories between what her mom said and- What did her mom say that was- There's an article.

00:46:27.000 I forget what it is.

00:46:28.000 I think the diplomat put out an article.

00:46:29.000 One thing you have to think about is that there's a tremendous amount of propaganda that gets released by the North Koreans.

00:46:37.000 It's particularly to discredit people that have escaped.

00:46:40.000 Not many have escaped.

00:46:41.000 And they can't escape now because they set up landmines.

00:46:45.000 Whoa.

00:46:46.000 If you get past the fence, you blow up.

00:46:49.000 Whoa.

00:46:50.000 Like, if you try to run, you get through the fence. 1.00

00:46:53.000 If they don't shoot you and they do try to shoot you, you're going to step on a landmine and fucking blow up. 0.99

00:46:58.000 Yeah, it's wild, man. 0.99

00:46:59.000 But again, we don't know what it's like over there because we haven't gone.

00:47:02.000 Every single person who's escaped tells the same story.

00:47:06.000 They all talk about the camps, and they all talk about how if your grandfather's done something, you'll be born in these camps, and that you have multiple generations of guilt.

00:47:15.000 Get punished for the crime, yeah. 0.99

00:47:17.000 All that shit is real. 1.00

00:47:18.000 Okay, it's real. 1.00

00:47:20.000 Yeah, the fact that he murdered his own uncle, and he does blow people up with missiles.

00:47:26.000 They have had public executions where he literally will have someone tied up, and they shoot a missile at him.

00:47:32.000 You can do that with cows, I think, in Cambodia.

00:47:35.000 You can shoot a rocket launcher at a cow.

00:47:37.000 Really?

00:47:37.000 Yeah.

00:47:38.000 They allow you to?

00:47:38.000 Yeah.

00:47:39.000 Or you could pay for it?

00:47:40.000 No, it's like you pay for it.

00:47:40.000 It's like a carnival thing.

00:47:41.000 It's a fun thing?

00:47:42.000 Yeah.

00:47:42.000 Jesus Christ.

00:47:43.000 Yeah.

00:47:44.000 But I could see them doing it with people in North Korea. 0.79

00:47:46.000 I know that someone in North Dakota sent me this thing where they were shooting What's that?

00:47:53.000 Prairie dogs.

00:47:54.000 They hate prairie dogs because prairie dogs create holes in the ground and horses step in the holes and snap their legs.

00:48:01.000 So they were shooting prairie dogs with 50 caliber guns, which is a bullet like the size of your fist.

00:48:07.000 I like that.

00:48:08.000 I like that.

00:48:09.000 That's American.

00:48:10.000 Bro, they just literally evaporate.

00:48:13.000 I think that that's cool.

00:48:15.000 Do you?

00:48:15.000 I think that that's cool.

00:48:16.000 I'm into it.

00:48:17.000 I also wonder if this girl... 1.00

00:48:20.000 I wonder if it's like a bit.

00:48:24.000 You know how a bit works and you just keep on adding to it?

00:48:26.000 And she's just cultivating the best bit. 0.99

00:48:29.000 Like, yes, it's fucked up in North Korea. 0.99

00:48:30.000 All these things happened. 1.00

00:48:31.000 Maybe it's not fucked up. 0.96

00:48:32.000 I don't know, right? 0.99

00:48:33.000 It's fucked up there. 0.99

00:48:35.000 What if it's okay? 1.00

00:48:36.000 What if it's Cleveland?

00:48:38.000 You don't think it's possible?

00:48:39.000 You don't think it's possible it's Cleveland?

00:48:40.000 I know we got an Ohio boy here, but like, is it possible it's just Cleveland?

00:48:44.000 You know, there's been documented cases of cannibalism there.

00:48:48.000 Have you been to Cleveland?

00:48:49.000 Where people eat people.

00:48:51.000 Didn't the guy have the girl in the basement that they had kids with?

00:48:54.000 Three girls in a basement you're having kids with? 0.99

00:48:57.000 That's crazier than cannibalism. 0.63

00:48:59.000 No, it's not crazier than cannibalism, but it's also crazy. 0.71

00:49:04.000 I would eat a human before I'd have three girls in a basement and have kids with them. 1.00

00:49:09.000 That's a good point.

00:49:09.000 Right?

00:49:10.000 Especially a person that's already dead.

00:49:13.000 Yeah.

00:49:13.000 Like a person drowns, and then you're really hungry.

00:49:16.000 And you eat it.

00:49:16.000 You pull them out of the water, and you're like, well, I am hungry.

00:49:19.000 Yeah.

00:49:20.000 Yeah, that's a lot.

00:49:22.000 Yeah, that's a lot.

00:49:23.000 Again, I don't know.

00:49:24.000 I've never been a human.

00:49:25.000 I don't want to do it.

00:49:26.000 It really depends on how the person died, right?

00:49:27.000 Like if you're in that...

00:49:28.000 What's that movie where they crashed a plane? 0.99

00:49:31.000 They scoop out of that guy's butt with a spoon. 1.00

00:49:34.000 Wait, what? 1.00

00:49:35.000 What?

00:49:35.000 That's what they did.

00:49:36.000 They scooped his butt with a spoon, went into the butt cheeks, pulled his pants down, and just dug in there with a spoon to take scoops of his ass. 1.00

00:49:44.000 I thought that was a Cuomo thing. 1.00

00:49:50.000 I'm Italian! 1.00

00:49:54.000 I scoop your ass. 1.00

00:49:56.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:49:57.000 I mean, like, I'm sure she went through some fucking absolutely horrible shit, but we have this, like, hard-on for North Korea. 1.00

00:50:01.000 I don't understand it. 1.00

00:50:02.000 Because it's a brutal dictatorship that keeps its people starving.

00:50:06.000 Aren't they all?

00:50:07.000 No, that's the worst.

00:50:08.000 Like, how many of them are there?

00:50:09.000 That's the worst.

00:50:09.000 Really?

00:50:10.000 Yeah, it's the worst one.

00:50:11.000 And it's kept afloat by China.

00:50:14.000 There's a lot that's documented about North Korea that's undeniable.

00:50:17.000 Their atrocities are pretty intense, especially the camps, the way they have these camps set up.

00:50:24.000 If you see the video of them crying when Kim Jong-un died, or Kim Jong-il, Kim Jong-un's dad, Kim Jong Il died, and if you didn't cry hard enough, you get sentenced to six months of hard labor.

00:50:42.000 Whoa.

00:50:42.000 So these people are wailing in the streets, like performatively wailing for days.

00:50:49.000 Like, it's wild.

00:50:50.000 See if you can find videos of people...

00:50:52.000 You need to watch this.

00:50:53.000 Watch this.

00:50:55.000 Oh, there's no sound?

00:50:57.000 I mean...

00:50:59.000 Yeah, that's what I hear.

00:51:00.000 Put this on. 1.00

00:51:00.000 I'm such a fucking skeptic, Joe. 1.00

00:51:02.000 Is there sounds? 1.00

00:51:03.000 Yeah.

00:51:04.000 They're just crying forever.

00:51:06.000 You have to keep crying.

00:51:08.000 Yeah.

00:51:09.000 Some nice jackets.

00:51:11.000 Look at this.

00:51:12.000 She's got a scarf. 0.51

00:51:14.000 It's pretty nice.

00:51:14.000 Look at this, man.

00:51:20.000 I see a lot of teeth, Joe.

00:51:22.000 I see a lot of teeth.

00:51:24.000 Now she's got all her teeth. 1.00

00:51:27.000 Clean streets.

00:51:28.000 Look at this, man.

00:51:30.000 She's getting down on her knees, man. 1.00

00:51:31.000 She's really putting in the work.

00:51:33.000 Yeah.

00:51:34.000 Oh, yeah, she wants it.

00:51:35.000 I mean, this is the thing.

00:51:36.000 It's like it never ends.

00:51:37.000 It's performative.

00:51:38.000 Yeah.

00:51:38.000 It goes on and on and on and on.

00:51:41.000 And you have to exhibit a very high level of mourning.

00:51:45.000 She's got fur on her jacket, Joe.

00:51:46.000 It's not real fur.

00:51:48.000 Still faux fur.

00:51:50.000 She's got her hair dead. 0.99

00:51:51.000 She does.

00:51:51.000 She got her hair dead.

00:51:53.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:51:54.000 I'm just saying, they're going to salons and shit. 0.99

00:51:56.000 What's going on here? 0.99

00:51:57.000 I think there might be...

00:51:58.000 What if this is propaganda? 0.98

00:51:59.000 What if this whole thing, like, what if South Korea is paying people to say some wild shit about North Korea so that we think North Korea is crazy? 0.98

00:52:07.000 What if it's South Korean propaganda? 0.99

00:52:09.000 I don't think so.

00:52:10.000 What do you think about that?

00:52:11.000 I think you're in some strange territory.

00:52:15.000 I like your watch.

00:52:16.000 Oh, thank you.

00:52:16.000 What is that?

00:52:17.000 A little AP. Nice.

00:52:19.000 How do you say that?

00:52:21.000 I don't know how to pronounce it, dude. 0.97

00:52:22.000 I'm a total fraud.

00:52:26.000 It's a beautiful watch, though.

00:52:27.000 Thank you, man.

00:52:28.000 Yeah, I just fell apart in Miami, and I just started doing all this stuff.

00:52:31.000 I started balling.

00:52:32.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:52:33.000 You look like you were balling a little down there.

00:52:35.000 I thought you were going to stay there.

00:52:36.000 I was hoping you were going to stay there.

00:52:37.000 You wanted me to stay.

00:52:38.000 Yeah, I did.

00:52:38.000 I like what you were doing down there, and I felt like you could change the comedy scene in Miami.

00:52:43.000 It would have been good.

00:52:44.000 You would have invited other degenerates to move down there, too.

00:52:48.000 I know.

00:52:48.000 And they would all move down there and start wearing these Hawaiian shirts and big straw hats.

00:52:56.000 We leaned in, huh? 1.00

00:52:58.000 Look at this asshole! 1.00

00:52:59.000 How many buttons are unbinded? 1.00

00:53:01.000 Look at it!

00:53:01.000 I love it.

00:53:02.000 I love it.

00:53:03.000 I love it.

00:53:04.000 You know where I think we're gonna go?

00:53:07.000 This is what I want to do.

00:53:08.000 I really liked going there.

00:53:09.000 I'm curious about your take on this.

00:53:11.000 So, I was thinking of doing some shows in Europe, right?

00:53:16.000 Obviously, if things are open or whatever, maybe come next summer.

00:53:19.000 So I was like, what if we spent like a month and a half in like Italy and then did the shows on the weekends and then podcasts and stuff during the week?

00:53:29.000 So it was almost like a shorter version of what we did in Miami.

00:53:32.000 You definitely could do that.

00:53:34.000 It'd be fun, right?

00:53:35.000 Yeah, you could do that anywhere.

00:53:36.000 How big is your crew?

00:53:37.000 How many people do you travel with? 1.00

00:53:39.000 Yeah, I mean, I came with a fucking basketball team today. 0.99

00:53:41.000 Yeah, you can't do that. 0.99

00:53:42.000 Yeah, I know, my bad.

00:53:43.000 We've got insurance rules, COVID rules.

00:53:47.000 There's probably, like, maybe, like, it would be eight to ten of us or something like that.

00:53:51.000 Yeah. 0.94

00:53:51.000 Just get, like, a big villa or some shit. 0.94

00:53:52.000 Why do you have so many people that you travel with? 0.97

00:53:55.000 Well, we're doing the shows this weekend.

00:53:57.000 Dallas-Houston.

00:53:58.000 So you have comics.

00:54:00.000 So there's comics.

00:54:01.000 Who do you have with you?

00:54:03.000 Mark opens for me.

00:54:04.000 Mark is the guy who co-wrote and co-created the Netflix special.

00:54:07.000 Brilliant guy.

00:54:08.000 Hilarious comic.

00:54:09.000 Mark Gagnon.

00:54:10.000 And Alex does video.

00:54:12.000 You met Alex.

00:54:13.000 Alex directed the special.

00:54:14.000 Vala is a new guy that we got on.

00:54:16.000 That's not even his name, but we call him Vala.

00:54:18.000 And so he's doing this documentary about the tour that we're doing.

00:54:24.000 And he also does a lot of video stuff for us.

00:54:26.000 And then my boy Dove, the truffle, we call him the truffle.

00:54:31.000 What does he do? 0.98

00:54:32.000 He's our truffle pig. 0.95

00:54:36.000 He finds the money, Joe. 0.98

00:54:38.000 He finds the money?

00:54:40.000 He finds the money.

00:54:40.000 How does he find the money?

00:54:41.000 He truffles it, man.

00:54:43.000 He just finds the deals, bro.

00:54:44.000 So he's the guy that gets the deals.

00:54:45.000 He gets the deals, dude. 0.99

00:54:46.000 So he's the truffle pig. 0.99

00:54:47.000 He's the truffle pig. 0.96

00:54:48.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:54:48.000 Okay. 0.96

00:54:49.000 You gotta have a truffle pig, Joe. 0.99

00:54:50.000 I understand.

00:54:50.000 You know?

00:54:51.000 Okay.

00:54:53.000 Yes, exactly.

00:54:54.000 Steve Bannon?

00:54:55.000 No, it's in a cage.

00:54:56.000 Oh, it's in a cage.

00:54:58.000 It's like Steve Bannon.

00:55:00.000 Come on, tell me he doesn't look like Steve Bannon.

00:55:02.000 Sorta.

00:55:02.000 A lot.

00:55:03.000 Yeah.

00:55:04.000 With the hair?

00:55:04.000 Steve Bannon's got a weird thing going on with the hair.

00:55:07.000 Do you think Bannon does acid?

00:55:09.000 I've been looking at him with his hair.

00:55:10.000 I'm like, why the long hair? 1.00

00:55:12.000 You have this conservative fucking hound. 1.00

00:55:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:14.000 He's an odd-looking guy. 1.00

00:55:16.000 Very odd.

00:55:16.000 The skin is weird.

00:55:17.000 Very odd.

00:55:18.000 Very odd.

00:55:18.000 Yeah.

00:55:18.000 Like, he boozes a lot.

00:55:20.000 Maybe he knows too many things.

00:55:21.000 Definitely boozing. 0.99

00:55:22.000 Yeah.

00:55:23.000 Like, maybe he knows too many things.

00:55:24.000 Yeah, they all know too many things.

00:55:25.000 It's like you have to be...

00:55:26.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:55:27.000 Yeah.

00:55:27.000 Come on.

00:55:28.000 That guy gets hammered.

00:55:29.000 Yeah.

00:55:29.000 That's Tim Dillon's dad.

00:55:30.000 100%.

00:55:30.000 Yeah.

00:55:33.000 Look at that.

00:55:35.000 Tim Dillon, fully vaccinated, got the cooties.

00:55:38.000 Can we say it?

00:55:39.000 Yeah.

00:55:39.000 Okay.

00:55:40.000 He knows it?

00:55:40.000 Okay, good.

00:55:41.000 Can you tell me not to say it?

00:55:41.000 God.

00:55:43.000 Dude, get better, Tim.

00:55:45.000 We can't have you all dealt it up, man.

00:55:47.000 He must be protected.

00:55:48.000 He must be protected.

00:55:49.000 We have to protect him.

00:55:50.000 We have to protect him.

00:55:50.000 That guy is a national treasure.

00:55:52.000 Yeah, he's great. 0.99

00:55:52.000 Did you see the fucking latest? 0.99

00:55:55.000 The articles? 0.99

00:55:56.000 People are freaking out in Australia.

00:55:57.000 Oh, it's so funny. 1.00

00:55:58.000 Because they're just talking shit about Australia. 0.99

00:55:59.000 It's so funny. 1.00

00:56:00.000 It's like they used to be in lockdown.

00:56:01.000 They like it because they could just get drunk in their backyard.

00:56:05.000 People in Australia are like, what is he saying?

00:56:07.000 How dare he?

00:56:08.000 But here's the thing, man.

00:56:09.000 They've had nine deaths since like last October.

00:56:12.000 Right. 0.99

00:56:12.000 Their lockdowns are fucking preposterous. 0.99

00:56:14.000 And that's what happens when you take guns away from people. 0.99

00:56:16.000 Yeah.

00:56:17.000 Wait, wait, wait.

00:56:18.000 Take guns away from the citizens.

00:56:19.000 They took all their guns in the 90s.

00:56:20.000 Yeah.

00:56:21.000 American comedian jokes.

00:56:22.000 Us is hilarious. 0.93

00:56:23.000 Australians love lockdowns because they're lazy descendants of criminals who don't want to work and restrictions aren't that bad. 1.00

00:56:30.000 It's amazing. 0.51

00:56:31.000 Because they just want to get hammered in their backyards. 0.91

00:56:33.000 I love it.

00:56:34.000 I love it.

00:56:35.000 Every time that they take him seriously and they print it in a newspaper or an article.

00:56:40.000 Look at this.

00:56:41.000 Dylan has a point, as opinion polls consistently show overwhelming support for lockdown-happy premieres like Western Australia's Mark McGowan.

00:56:50.000 Even Daniel Andrews, at the heart of Victoria's five-month outbreak last year, approved of his ultra-harsh stage four lockdown. 1.00

00:56:59.000 It's fucking dumb. 0.99

00:57:01.000 So they're back to lockdown in Australia. 1.00

00:57:03.000 They're not just lockdown.

00:57:05.000 They're crazy lockdown.

00:57:06.000 My buddy Michael Chavello, who's from there, he lives there, he told me that every time he goes there, he has a 14-day quarantine.

00:57:13.000 That's Izzy.

00:57:14.000 Yeah, very similar.

00:57:16.000 But Chavello does a lot of traveling because he works for 1FC. He's the 1FC color commentator.

00:57:21.000 He does my job for 1FC. Well, he actually is like the play-by-play guy.

00:57:26.000 Okay.

00:57:27.000 Either way, point being, he's a commentator for One FC, and he's gone back and forth there so many times that he has to, every time he goes, I think he told me he spent like some insane amount of time over the last year and a half.

00:57:42.000 Just quarantined.

00:57:43.000 Why go back?

00:57:45.000 Well, he has to.

00:57:46.000 It's his job.

00:57:46.000 His kids and stuff?

00:57:47.000 His kids.

00:57:47.000 He's got a wife.

00:57:48.000 Yeah.

00:57:48.000 That's the tricky thing.

00:57:49.000 It's like, you know, like, every time Izzy fights, it's so funny to watch his Instagram after.

00:57:54.000 Yeah.

00:57:54.000 Because he's just locked in a hotel room with these other MMA guys going absolutely nuts.

00:57:59.000 Yeah.

00:57:59.000 And you see it happen.

00:58:00.000 Well, it doesn't make sense.

00:58:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:58:01.000 Like, this 14-day shit. 1.00

00:58:03.000 Like, why 14 days? 1.00

00:58:04.000 Yeah, we work after 10, right?

00:58:06.000 Bro, it should be a few.

00:58:08.000 They should just test you.

00:58:09.000 Yeah.

00:58:10.000 They should test you.

00:58:11.000 Are you negative?

00:58:12.000 How you feeling?

00:58:12.000 Get you out of here.

00:58:13.000 Test you five days later.

00:58:14.000 Are you negative?

00:58:15.000 How you feeling?

00:58:16.000 Yeah.

00:58:16.000 Feeling good?

00:58:16.000 Looking good?

00:58:17.000 Yeah.

00:58:18.000 Did you work out today?

00:58:19.000 Yeah.

00:58:19.000 How you feel?

00:58:20.000 After five days, like, what the fuck are we doing? 0.99

00:58:22.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:58:23.000 You know?

00:58:23.000 I have a question.

00:58:25.000 What's the lambda?

00:58:28.000 Variant.

00:58:29.000 That's a good question.

00:58:30.000 I don't know.

00:58:30.000 Have you learned about that yet?

00:58:31.000 The fear is that the vaccines don't work on it at all.

00:58:37.000 Yeah, that's what I've heard.

00:58:40.000 Uh-oh.

00:58:41.000 That's no bueno.

00:58:43.000 Well, it's a respiratory virus.

00:58:45.000 Might have to sell this watch, Joe.

00:58:47.000 You'll be fine.

00:58:48.000 You'll be fine.

00:58:50.000 No.

00:58:51.000 Yeah, because I keep hearing this thing about the lambda.

00:58:53.000 Let me tell you something about my buddy who got COVID. Yeah.

00:58:56.000 He got on the monoclonal antibodies.

00:58:59.000 Okay. 0.51

00:58:59.000 And he said literally the first day he started feeling a little shitty. 0.51

00:59:03.000 He said, man, oh, I hope I don't have it. 0.61

00:59:04.000 He got tested.

00:59:05.000 Found it has COVID. There's places in Austin where you can go to get monoclonal antibodies.

00:59:10.000 Okay. 0.52

00:59:10.000 Killed it. 0.52

00:59:11.000 Like the day he got tested, he found out he got the monoclonal antibodies, never had another symptom.

00:59:18.000 Huh.

00:59:18.000 Yeah.

00:59:19.000 Amazing.

00:59:19.000 Huh.

00:59:20.000 But he's a young guy.

00:59:21.000 He's like 30-ish.

00:59:22.000 Yeah.

00:59:23.000 He's in his 30s, real fit, works out a lot.

00:59:25.000 That's the tricky thing about COVID is like, I feel like it's like the opposite of...

00:59:34.000 Crypto?

00:59:34.000 How do I phrase this?

00:59:37.000 You know how our risk tolerance is greater when there's a really great reward?

00:59:43.000 Does that make sense?

00:59:44.000 Yeah.

00:59:45.000 All my friends were having money in crypto.

00:59:48.000 I don't know anything about investing. 1.00

00:59:49.000 I'm a fucking baboon when it comes to money. 0.99

00:59:51.000 I'm like Scrooge McDuck. 1.00

00:59:52.000 I just put it in a fucking bank. 1.00

00:59:53.000 I don't know what happens with it. 1.00

00:59:55.000 I'm bad with it.

00:59:55.000 But they were making all this money in crypto, and I was like, well, this is worth investing because there's 10x return, 100x return, 1,000x.

01:00:02.000 I will risk the money because there's a massive potential return, right? 0.99

01:00:08.000 And I literally, I did it like the day before the shit collapsed. 0.99

01:00:11.000 I put too much money in, and then it collapsed. 0.99

01:00:13.000 And then it collapsed.

01:00:15.000 I put money in. 0.99

01:00:16.000 I had this guy, Anthony Pompliano, on the fucking podcast. 0.99

01:00:18.000 He's the big Bitcoin guy, just jerking off Bitcoin all the time. 0.99

01:00:21.000 He's actually entertaining.

01:00:22.000 He's a sweet guy. 1.00

01:00:23.000 But he's a piece of shit. 1.00

01:00:25.000 He lost me a lot of money. 1.00

01:00:25.000 But he's a sweet guy. 1.00

01:00:26.000 I like him.

01:00:27.000 Is it his fault, you think?

01:00:28.000 Or your fault?

01:00:29.000 It's my fault. 1.00

01:00:29.000 I'm a fucking idiot. 1.00

01:00:30.000 I got greedy. 1.00

01:00:31.000 You went on the podcast and talked about it, so it probably jacked the price up.

01:00:35.000 I brought him on the pod.

01:00:37.000 And then people were like, now's the time to sell right after your pod. 0.99

01:00:40.000 I fucking caused it. 0.97

01:00:41.000 I caused the crypto debt. 0.99

01:00:42.000 Because it probably went up to a good height.

01:00:43.000 I think crypto gets to a certain height and people are like, now!

01:00:47.000 And then boom, it crashes.

01:00:48.000 That's the thing, I was thinking about crypto.

01:00:50.000 Well, I'll make this risk tolerance thing, but then I'm curious about it.

01:00:52.000 So it's like... 1.00

01:00:54.000 There's such a high reward like even with you like all the shit you do like you're always like I'm a Mexican science experiment You always say that shit to me, right? 1.00

01:01:01.000 And it's like because there's high reward you can do all these things You don't know if they're fucking FDA approved, but the reward that comes with them is huge, right? 1.00

01:01:10.000 You could live forever.

01:01:11.000 I don't know I think the tricky thing for people with the vaccine is like I think most people are not afraid of COVID so they're like it's only risk You

01:01:42.000 see what I'm saying?

01:01:42.000 You're saying I take it and I still might be able to get it?

01:01:45.000 Like, if you want us to risk, you've got to give us big upside.

01:01:48.000 And I feel like it works with crypto because there's potential big upside. 0.99

01:01:51.000 But the vaccine, you've got to convince motherfuckers there's something. 0.97

01:01:54.000 And unfortunately, it's not enough upside to go, you'll help your neighbor. 0.99

01:02:01.000 You know what I mean?

01:02:02.000 Like, that's not enough for us.

01:02:04.000 Yeah, but if you're still able to catch it, and you're still able to transmit it... 0.88

01:02:08.000 That's what, there's no fucking upside. 0.63

01:02:09.000 It's confusing. 0.96

01:02:11.000 But do you see what I'm saying?

01:02:12.000 Like, I think that's the trepidation for a lot of people, especially the ones who haven't taken it yet.

01:02:16.000 It's just like, I don't see why this is beneficial, but I do see why it's potentially risky.

01:02:22.000 Have you known anybody that had a bad side effect?

01:02:25.000 From the virus?

01:02:26.000 Vaccine.

01:02:26.000 Oh, the vaccine?

01:02:27.000 No, not a single person.

01:02:28.000 Really?

01:02:29.000 No.

01:02:29.000 Interesting.

01:02:30.000 Why, have you?

01:02:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:02:31.000 Oh, really?

01:02:32.000 Mm-hmm.

01:02:32.000 I don't know.

01:02:33.000 What happened?

01:02:33.000 Heart attacks.

01:02:35.000 Turned gay? 1.00

01:02:37.000 That's a positive side effect in my book, you piece of shit. 1.00

01:02:40.000 I never said it was bad. 1.00

01:02:41.000 Yeah, you did.

01:02:42.000 Did I? That's what you said.

01:02:43.000 Didn't you hear him?

01:02:44.000 Oh, I thought you said hard side effect. 0.99

01:02:51.000 Dude, what if you just turned gay until the antibodies wear off? 0.99

01:02:54.000 Fine. 0.99

01:02:54.000 Three months. 0.99

01:02:55.000 Three months of gay, dude? 1.00

01:02:56.000 Eddie Bravo and I were joking around about that once. 0.88

01:02:59.000 Like, imagine if that was like a side effect of an MMA fight. 0.97

01:03:01.000 If he got KO'd, you were gay. 0.99

01:03:04.000 You were gay until you got it back. 1.00

01:03:06.000 There's some rubber guard. 0.98

01:03:09.000 I'll show you something flexible, Eddie.

01:03:11.000 Imagine if, like, sexuality was something that you could literally, like, beat into somebody.

01:03:18.000 Yeah.

01:03:19.000 Well, I mean...

01:03:20.000 Yeah, sexuality, no. 0.62

01:03:22.000 But imagine it was?

01:03:23.000 Like, that would put higher stakes on a fight.

01:03:25.000 Yeah.

01:03:25.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:26.000 Dude, super high. 1.00

01:03:27.000 You get knocked out and you're just- Like, your wife would be like, I can't fucking believe you're gay. 1.00

01:03:30.000 Like, baby, listen. 1.00

01:03:32.000 I'm gonna get knocked out again.

01:03:33.000 It's only like six months. 0.97

01:03:34.000 I'm gay for six months.

01:03:39.000 This is how we solve everything.

01:03:42.000 Can you imagine? 0.98

01:03:42.000 Dude, you do six months, six months gay. 0.98

01:03:45.000 Six months gay. 0.99

01:03:46.000 Or it can be punishments and stuff like that. 0.99

01:03:50.000 If you're gay and you commit a crime, six months straight, bro. 1.00

01:03:53.000 You're fucking pussy for six months, dude. 1.00

01:03:55.000 Tell that to your husband. 1.00

01:03:56.000 No, that doesn't make any sense.

01:03:57.000 I'm saying you actually become gay or straight. 0.60

01:03:59.000 But just for the punishment, just for the time.

01:04:02.000 We were talking outside about, I had this conversation with a guy where I was saying, imagine if gender dysphoria could be cured with a pill.

01:04:10.000 Do you think people would take it and not be trans?

01:04:12.000 He goes, no, they were thinking of it as genocide.

01:04:15.000 Just from everything I've heard from trans people, I don't know because what I've heard from them is this is the best solution they have for the problem. 1.00

01:04:26.000 Right?

01:04:27.000 They're like, I feel like I'm in the wrong body. 0.98

01:04:29.000 There's not some shit to fix that. 0.97

01:04:31.000 So I gotta get the right body because that's the best fix. 0.98

01:04:35.000 Right.

01:04:36.000 Right?

01:04:36.000 So if there's a pill that fixes it, you don't think they're taking it?

01:04:40.000 Well, the pill would make them be comfortable with the gender of their birth. 0.70

01:04:44.000 Yeah.

01:04:45.000 Maybe they wouldn't.

01:04:47.000 Because maybe in their mind, they should be a woman. 0.93

01:04:50.000 If the pill lets them be comfortable being a man, maybe they wouldn't like it.

01:04:55.000 That's what he was saying.

01:04:56.000 What Jesse was saying, they would think of it as genocide. 0.99

01:05:00.000 Like you're killing off all the transgender people by creating this medical solution. 1.00

01:05:06.000 Bro, that's literally the plot line for one of the Marvel movies for X-Men. 0.98

01:05:10.000 Literally, X-Men.

01:05:11.000 Really?

01:05:11.000 Yeah.

01:05:12.000 But yeah, that's one of the plot lines.

01:05:13.000 Remember the movie, I forget which one it was, where there was a guy who was curing the mutants, and he was going around, he was like shooting them with serum, and then they lose their mutant powers.

01:05:22.000 That's right. 0.59

01:05:23.000 I thought there was a gay thing in there.

01:05:25.000 No, they're not turning Wolverine gay.

01:05:28.000 Have you seen Suicide Squad?

01:05:29.000 No, good. 0.99

01:05:30.000 It's fucking great. 0.98

01:05:31.000 Really? 0.99

01:05:31.000 The new one. 0.99

01:05:32.000 That guy James Gunn.

01:05:33.000 The new one's way better than the last one.

01:05:35.000 James Gunn is a beast.

01:05:36.000 It's really good.

01:05:37.000 Who directed the first one?

01:05:39.000 I don't think James Gunn.

01:05:40.000 Snyder?

01:05:41.000 Who was the first one?

01:05:42.000 The first one was kinda wack.

01:05:44.000 Was it Snyder?

01:05:46.000 No?

01:05:47.000 It was kind of whack?

01:05:48.000 I didn't watch it.

01:05:49.000 The first one was kind of whack.

01:05:50.000 I didn't watch it.

01:05:51.000 But the second one's legit. 0.99

01:05:52.000 But the fucking new one is amazing. 0.99

01:05:54.000 That guy is talented, bro. 0.99

01:05:55.000 I think he's the guy that did Guardians of the Galaxy.

01:05:57.000 Exactly.

01:05:58.000 And he got canceled.

01:05:59.000 Yes.

01:05:59.000 Because he had a bunch of tweets about like...

01:06:01.000 Jokes.

01:06:02.000 Pedophile jokes.

01:06:02.000 Yeah.

01:06:03.000 Yeah.

01:06:03.000 Like from 10 years ago.

01:06:05.000 But they collected all of them.

01:06:06.000 That's the thing.

01:06:06.000 Like if you collect everything over a decade and put it all together on like one image, it looks wild.

01:06:11.000 Yeah.

01:06:12.000 But if you space it out with everything else you tweeted...

01:06:14.000 But they eventually rehired him. 1.00

01:06:16.000 Because the motherfucker was undeniable. 0.99

01:06:17.000 He played for the Ops. 1.00

01:06:19.000 I think he did a DC movie.

01:06:21.000 And it was nice!

01:06:23.000 So they were like, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.

01:06:26.000 Is that what he did?

01:06:27.000 He did a DC movie?

01:06:27.000 What movie was that?

01:06:31.000 You gotta talk in front of that microphone. 1.00

01:06:33.000 Yo, Jamie, you used to know shit, dawg. 1.00

01:06:35.000 I thought he was a professional. 1.00

01:06:36.000 You got that Pfizer?

01:06:38.000 Yo, you got that Pfizer, Jimmy.

01:06:40.000 No, you got natural immunity, bro.

01:06:41.000 Oh, you got natural immunity?

01:06:41.000 Strong natural immunity.

01:06:43.000 Really?

01:06:43.000 Actually, Suicide Squad is a DC movie.

01:06:45.000 That's what it was.

01:06:46.000 Yeah.

01:06:46.000 Because he's O? Jamie?

01:06:48.000 Yeah.

01:06:49.000 You're O-H? You're O-H? I'm telling you, bro.

01:06:56.000 I'm telling you.

01:06:56.000 North Korea can't be worse than Ohio, man.

01:06:59.000 I'm being dead serious, dog.

01:07:01.000 You haven't been to Ohio lately.

01:07:02.000 I go to Ohio all the time.

01:07:04.000 How often do you go to Ohio?

01:07:05.000 Once or twice a year.

01:07:06.000 Okay.

01:07:06.000 It's been two years, though.

01:07:07.000 It's been two years, Joe.

01:07:10.000 Listen, bro.

01:07:10.000 It's been two years, dude.

01:07:12.000 If you think guys are running around in thongs and shit with knives out here in Austin, see what's happening in Ohio, bro. 0.99

01:07:18.000 The guy with the thong seems like he's just having a good time. 1.00

01:07:21.000 He's probably in a band.

01:07:22.000 He was having a great time.

01:07:23.000 Well, you were in Cleveland.

01:07:24.000 That's different.

01:07:24.000 I wasn't...

01:07:25.000 I like Cleveland.

01:07:26.000 No, Cleveland's fine.

01:07:27.000 Cleveland's great.

01:07:28.000 You know the craziest place that I went to in America?

01:07:31.000 St. Louis.

01:07:32.000 Yeah?

01:07:33.000 That was the first time that I saw poverty in America that I didn't know that we had.

01:07:39.000 I was like blown away.

01:07:41.000 I was baffled.

01:07:42.000 I was on my way to the airport and I just saw a neighborhood and I was like...

01:07:46.000 If you make it out of this neighborhood, that is the greatest accomplishment that a human being could possibly do. 0.99

01:07:51.000 I mean, the guy who was driving me used to own a Domino's in the neighborhood, got shot four times because they were just robbing a fucking Domino's.

01:07:59.000 So the neighborhood is so dangerous, it can't support commerce. 0.96

01:08:01.000 And when there's no commerce, there's no jobs.

01:08:03.000 So there's nothing.

01:08:04.000 The gas stations were closed.

01:08:06.000 It was Sunday.

01:08:08.000 Church wasn't open.

01:08:09.000 Things boarded up.

01:08:10.000 I mean, it was unbelievable the level of poverty.

01:08:12.000 And I was just like, oh, okay, okay.

01:08:15.000 Things are going on here.

01:08:17.000 Things are going on here that are like, it's just incredible.

01:08:20.000 Incredibly different.

01:08:21.000 How do you fix that?

01:08:22.000 Bro, you can't. 0.99

01:08:23.000 If it's so dangerous, like the delivery guys were getting shot all the fucking time. 0.96

01:08:27.000 Like, if you can't put money into it, Like, if there's no opportunity, there's no place where a kid can work when he's 16, you know, or a kid can get a job when he finishes high school. 0.68

01:08:38.000 How do you fix that?

01:08:39.000 Did you see that all the cops in Chicago turned their back on the mayor?

01:08:44.000 Lightfoot?

01:08:45.000 Lori Lightfoot?

01:08:46.000 Yeah.

01:08:46.000 How is she not Native American, bro?

01:08:47.000 That name would be fire.

01:08:48.000 Right?

01:08:49.000 Lori Lightfoot?

01:08:50.000 Right.

01:08:51.000 Dude.

01:08:52.000 That's a good point.

01:08:53.000 I think.

01:08:54.000 I think she could go with that.

01:08:55.000 She could be in like one of them superhero movies as like some crazy North Native American superhero character. 1.00

01:09:02.000 Yes!

01:09:03.000 I like that.

01:09:04.000 Yeah.

01:09:05.000 Okay, but what happened?

01:09:05.000 So the cops said, nah.

01:09:06.000 Well, you know, a female cop who just gave birth like two months ago. 1.00

01:09:11.000 She's just got off maternity leave.

01:09:13.000 She got gunned down.

01:09:15.000 And Lori Lightfoot gave some terrible, terrible speech about it.

01:09:20.000 What'd she say?

01:09:21.000 It was a terrible statement.

01:09:22.000 Like, very unsupportive.

01:09:25.000 Find a statement. 0.81

01:09:27.000 It was disgusting.

01:09:29.000 It was like, we've got a problem with gun violence.

01:09:34.000 And we also have a problem with the police, but we have a problem with gun violence.

01:09:38.000 It was very dismissive of this lady who got gunned down in cold blood.

01:09:43.000 You see that video?

01:09:44.000 There's a video this last week or two weeks ago of there was some sort of a fender bender.

01:09:49.000 People got in an argument.

01:09:50.000 They pulled this guy out of the car and they shot him and the wife in the face, like right in front of everybody.

01:09:55.000 Where is this?

01:09:56.000 Chicago.

01:09:57.000 Chicago is wild.

01:09:58.000 Chicago's wild. 0.88

01:10:00.000 And now it's starting to kind of creep into where the white folks live.

01:10:04.000 Oh, really?

01:10:04.000 And now all of a sudden it's a problem.

01:10:06.000 Oh, is it?

01:10:06.000 When people are getting shot on, what's that main street in Chicago?

01:10:09.000 The Loop or something like that?

01:10:11.000 The Western Loop or whatever it is?

01:10:13.000 That's when there's real problems.

01:10:15.000 People getting shot in the loop?

01:10:16.000 You like to move those things around, don't you?

01:10:18.000 Yeah, always.

01:10:19.000 It makes a lot of noise.

01:10:20.000 Why?

01:10:20.000 Does it bother people?

01:10:21.000 They get upset.

01:10:22.000 Oh, you do that thing where you mute it.

01:10:25.000 You mute it? 0.99

01:10:25.000 No, you press like a button over here when you're coughing and shit. 0.99

01:10:28.000 This is like you have a tick. 0.99

01:10:29.000 Yeah.

01:10:30.000 You like when I'm walking.

01:10:31.000 I don't like sitting still, bro.

01:10:33.000 You know what I mean?

01:10:34.000 I don't like sitting still, dog.

01:10:35.000 I don't like it, dude.

01:10:36.000 I do it for a living.

01:10:37.000 You sit down, you like to cross your legs and move around.

01:10:40.000 Dude, I get excited. 1.00

01:10:40.000 I'm having fucking black rifle coffee. 1.00

01:10:42.000 Like, you decide to give me this. 0.99

01:10:44.000 There's a lot of caffeine in this.

01:10:45.000 300 milligrams.

01:10:47.000 I was chilling.

01:10:47.000 I was relaxed.

01:10:48.000 These are veterans. 0.99

01:10:49.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:10:50.000 They don't. 1.00

01:10:51.000 They're wild people.

01:10:52.000 Yeah.

01:10:52.000 300 milligrams, they're like, let's go.

01:10:54.000 Yeah.

01:10:55.000 What's this guy's name again?

01:10:56.000 Evan Hafer.

01:10:57.000 Evan.

01:10:58.000 Yeah.

01:10:59.000 Okay, that's wild.

01:10:59.000 Okay, what were we saying?

01:11:02.000 COVID's not real, I think you said.

01:11:03.000 Yeah, COVID. You were saying COVID's not real?

01:11:05.000 No, no, no.

01:11:05.000 You said that.

01:11:06.000 It makes you gay. 1.00

01:11:07.000 It makes you gay. 1.00

01:11:07.000 COVID does make you gay, though. 1.00

01:11:09.000 100%, dude. 0.99

01:11:10.000 You're shoving things in different parts of your body you never thought you would.

01:11:15.000 COVID will get you poked up, bro.

01:11:17.000 So you're in town for, you're doing San Antonio?

01:11:20.000 No, I'm doing Dallas and Houston.

01:11:23.000 Dallas and Houston?

01:11:24.000 Yeah.

01:11:24.000 What are you doing down there?

01:11:25.000 Which clubs?

01:11:25.000 I'm doing the Toyota Music Factory in Dallas.

01:11:29.000 Nice.

01:11:29.000 And the Bayou Music Center in Houston.

01:11:33.000 Oh, those are good spots.

01:11:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:11:35.000 Those are good spots.

01:11:35.000 I've done both of those.

01:11:36.000 Yeah.

01:11:37.000 I did the Bayou.

01:11:38.000 It's a great spot.

01:11:39.000 Yeah.

01:11:40.000 Yeah.

01:11:40.000 I think I was talking to them who said they saw you do a show there.

01:11:43.000 It was fucking crazy. 0.99

01:11:44.000 It's fucking fun, man. 0.99

01:11:45.000 Yeah, I'm excited, man. 0.99

01:11:45.000 Houston's fun. 0.99

01:11:46.000 But Dallas is fun, too.

01:11:47.000 Yeah.

01:11:47.000 I love it here, man.

01:11:48.000 Texas is the shit. 1.00

01:11:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:50.000 I found my spot.

01:11:51.000 You think so?

01:11:51.000 Mm-hmm.

01:11:52.000 I'm not sold on Austin.

01:11:53.000 You don't have to be.

01:11:55.000 There's plenty of people here.

01:11:56.000 Come visit occasionally.

01:11:59.000 No, no, I'm shooting the special here. 0.99

01:12:02.000 I was gonna do it in LA, but I just couldn't trust that they would keep the shit open.

01:12:06.000 I have a show there September 11th at the Forum. 0.83

01:12:09.000 I have no idea if it's gonna happen or not.

01:12:11.000 They force everybody to take the jab before they get in there, which makes no sense.

01:12:15.000 Like what New York is doing, you have to be vaccinated.

01:12:18.000 Okay, but you're still spreading it.

01:12:20.000 Talk to Timmy. 1.00

01:12:21.000 Yeah, I know, poor fucking guy. 1.00

01:12:23.000 Vaccinated and sick. 1.00

01:12:24.000 Yeah.

01:12:25.000 I know 13 people now.

01:12:26.000 He's number 13. 13 people.

01:12:28.000 That have been vaccinated and got it.

01:12:29.000 I read this article with, like, we have no idea how leaky these vaccines are, meaning how many people who get vaccinated still catch it.

01:12:37.000 Well, let me give you some data.

01:12:39.000 But Timmy's a bigger guy.

01:12:41.000 Yes, that's why it scares me.

01:12:43.000 Because I know a lot of people that were small that got it.

01:12:46.000 Okay, that's the thing.

01:12:48.000 So you're small, in shape.

01:12:49.000 What if the lambda comes through?

01:12:51.000 What if that lambda comes through?

01:12:53.000 Let's find out if that is the case.

01:12:54.000 Is that supposedly true, that it doesn't?

01:12:58.000 You know, one thing, here's interesting.

01:13:00.000 A bunch of people I was around got the COVID, and I didn't.

01:13:05.000 But I did have a day where I was feeling kind of weird.

01:13:07.000 And you bullied it out of you.

01:13:09.000 I worked out, and I was like, something feels odd.

01:13:12.000 So I just got like a light sweat.

01:13:13.000 I've done this twice now.

01:13:14.000 But this time, afterwards, I got blood work done, like a week or so afterwards.

01:13:20.000 And my level of monocytes was elevated.

01:13:24.000 What's that?

01:13:25.000 It indicates you fought off a viral infection.

01:13:28.000 So you...

01:13:29.000 So I had it at the door. 1.00

01:13:30.000 And the bouncer's like, not today, bitch. 1.00

01:13:33.000 Not today. 0.99

01:13:34.000 And you think that's the peptides?

01:13:35.000 I think it's a lot of things.

01:13:38.000 Peptides, I'm sure, help.

01:13:39.000 I think testosterone replacement therapy helps.

01:13:42.000 I think staying physically fit...

01:13:43.000 Are you on TRT? Oh, yes.

01:13:45.000 I gotta get on this shit. 1.00

01:13:46.000 I talked to you about this on the podcast. 1.00

01:13:48.000 You were like, we're gonna get on it.

01:13:50.000 Lambda is mutations that are concerning, but this variant remains quite rare in the U.S. despite being around for several months.

01:13:57.000 Yeah, well, these people sneaking in at the border.

01:14:00.000 It's difficult to know for certain how transmissible Lambda is and how well the vaccines work.

01:14:08.000 So far, it seems the Lambda is more transmissible than the original.

01:14:12.000 Where's it from?

01:14:13.000 Can we ask that?

01:14:14.000 Or is that wrong?

01:14:14.000 It's from Lambda.

01:14:15.000 It's from Lambda.

01:14:16.000 It's definitely from the land of Lambda.

01:14:18.000 Peru?

01:14:19.000 Where is it?

01:14:19.000 Peru.

01:14:20.000 Peru?

01:14:20.000 Okay.

01:14:21.000 Yeah.

01:14:22.000 Yeah.

01:14:22.000 Okay.

01:14:23.000 There you go.

01:14:24.000 Yeah.

01:14:25.000 I don't know, man.

01:14:26.000 I don't know.

01:14:27.000 What is the deal with people that go through the border?

01:14:32.000 Because I was watching this video where someone was showing me a line of family members that were in cars waiting to pick up people that were released from detainment centers after they had crossed the border illegally.

01:14:46.000 Asylum.

01:14:47.000 In America, is it all people that receive asylum?

01:14:51.000 If they're saying they're seeking asylum, I guess maybe they could prove that they are. 1.00

01:14:54.000 How many people are allowed to come through that have asylum, and do they test those people?

01:14:59.000 I have no clue.

01:15:02.000 I bet they don't.

01:15:04.000 So you think that Lambda's coming through the border?

01:15:07.000 I think if you get enough people coming through the border and you don't test them, it just makes sense that some of those people are probably sick with all kinds of stuff.

01:15:17.000 That's kind of interesting because I think in order to come into America, you need to have a COVID test, a negative COVID test.

01:15:24.000 Like if you're coming from Europe, you need to have negative COVID tests. 0.97

01:15:26.000 If you're coming legally.

01:15:27.000 So if you're coming illegally, you don't think that they test them in any way?

01:15:31.000 I don't think they do.

01:15:32.000 Let's find out. 0.94

01:15:33.000 It is ridiculous, but I remember watching a politician talk about it. 0.90

01:15:38.000 It might have been our governor, Greg Abbott. 0.94

01:15:40.000 He might have been talking about it.

01:15:42.000 Man, wheels.

01:15:43.000 If they're coming illegally, how would they test them? 0.81

01:15:45.000 Well, they do have them in detainment centers.

01:15:47.000 They get scooped.

01:15:48.000 But they've got to test them in there because...

01:15:50.000 I don't think they do.

01:15:52.000 I mean, that'd be crazy, Joe.

01:15:53.000 Let's ask, do they test illegal immigrants when they capture them and put them in detainment centers? 0.60

01:16:00.000 Capture's a bad word, right?

01:16:01.000 It is, but it is a bad word, but it's more fun.

01:16:03.000 But if they have to be a fugitive to be captured, these people are just folks trying to get a better life.

01:16:08.000 That is true.

01:16:09.000 That is true.

01:16:09.000 But if you were going to go out that day, do you want to detain folks trying to get a better life or capture people?

01:16:15.000 If that was your job and you were getting psyched up...

01:16:17.000 Capture.

01:16:18.000 Capture.

01:16:19.000 Because it makes you feel like you're doing a good thing.

01:16:21.000 Babe, I gotta go.

01:16:21.000 I gotta go capture some guys.

01:16:22.000 You're not a piece of shit who's just trying to stop folks from having a better life. 0.99

01:16:26.000 The Tacoma Processing Center does test people. 1.00

01:16:30.000 The Tacoma, Washington?

01:16:31.000 I just typed in...

01:16:32.000 That's way up north, dog.

01:16:34.000 That's Washington State.

01:16:35.000 Yeah, that's Canadians.

01:16:35.000 They're catching Canadians.

01:16:36.000 I understand that.

01:16:37.000 Canadians don't even have COVID. Yeah, they can't get it.

01:16:39.000 But the border just opened there also.

01:16:41.000 In Tacoma?

01:16:42.000 No, the northern border just opened.

01:16:43.000 Tacoma and Idaho.

01:16:45.000 Right, the northern border.

01:16:45.000 Oh, yeah, they've had Canada locked down, bro.

01:16:47.000 The border that people are concerned about...

01:16:50.000 The last thing they're concerned about is Canadians coming to America.

01:16:52.000 I know, but don't people come in through the Canadian border when it was open?

01:16:55.000 They go to Mexico, or Mexicans, I've heard, go up to Canada and come down through the northern border.

01:17:00.000 They probably did in the past, but I believe it's very difficult to even fly into Canada up until...

01:17:04.000 Yeah, these people don't have the money to fly. 0.88

01:17:06.000 Like, they're not doing international flights.

01:17:08.000 Yeah, they're walking through a river, Jamie.

01:17:10.000 I just typed in, Testing Entertainment Center, and that's the first story that popped up.

01:17:14.000 I find you so offensive.

01:17:15.000 You're in sensitivity to these people and their plight.

01:17:18.000 He goes straight to the whitest place in the world.

01:17:22.000 Tacoma, Washington. 1.00

01:17:24.000 Disgusting, bro. 0.99

01:17:24.000 Tacoma's not a state. 0.99

01:17:25.000 Really disgusting, dude. 0.91

01:17:27.000 That comedy club out there is supposed to be really fun. 0.89

01:17:30.000 It's great.

01:17:30.000 I did it.

01:17:31.000 Yeah.

01:17:31.000 I did it back in the day.

01:17:32.000 I've only worked Tacoma once.

01:17:33.000 Yeah.

01:17:34.000 I'm not a big fan of the Northwest.

01:17:35.000 You're not?

01:17:36.000 No.

01:17:36.000 Portland, I think, might be the worst city on the planet.

01:17:39.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:17:40.000 I would blow up Portland. 0.97

01:17:41.000 I'd gladly blow up Portland. 0.82

01:17:43.000 Is it because of Antifa?

01:17:44.000 No.

01:17:45.000 I actually like them.

01:17:47.000 Anybody doing destruction of Portland, I support.

01:17:49.000 What bothers you so much about Portland? 1.00

01:17:50.000 Just some fucking cunt in a restaurant. 1.00

01:17:53.000 One lady? 1.00

01:17:53.000 It was really mean to me. 1.00

01:17:53.000 It was one lady. 1.00

01:17:54.000 And then the rest of them are just soggy.

01:17:56.000 They're just like...

01:17:56.000 They are soggy.

01:17:56.000 It's like white people need fucking like religion or something.

01:17:59.000 They need sun. 1.00

01:18:00.000 They need sun.

01:18:01.000 There's no sun.

01:18:02.000 There's no like check on them.

01:18:04.000 There's no like...

01:18:05.000 At least like... 0.99

01:18:05.000 There's no sun in fucking Boston. 0.99

01:18:07.000 But at least you got like God looking down like... 1.00

01:18:09.000 Can you kind of be fucking decent? 0.99

01:18:10.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

01:18:11.000 Yeah, but there's plenty of...

01:18:12.000 Are they?

01:18:13.000 Yeah, it's not that bad.

01:18:14.000 Well, whatever they need. 1.00

01:18:15.000 They need some shit. 1.00

01:18:16.000 They need some fucking shit because it's just like rude, depressed, like, and weirdly enough the comedy crowds there are great because I think those are the people that are like, yeah, it sucks here. 1.00

01:18:26.000 Just make us laugh, please. 1.00

01:18:27.000 Yeah? 0.97

01:18:28.000 Dude, I went into this fucking restaurant, it was me and the boys, and they didn't have any seating, so I asked the lady behind the counter who worked there, I was like, hey, could you recommend another place for us to go eat, you know, some seating or something like that? 0.98

01:18:40.000 And she was like, yeah, sure, do you have a phone? 0.98

01:18:43.000 And I go, yeah, I take out the phone, and she's like, Google it.

01:18:50.000 Whoa.

01:18:52.000 She's trying to be snarky.

01:18:54.000 I mean.

01:18:54.000 That's a lack of vitamin D. That's what that is.

01:18:56.000 Is that?

01:18:57.000 She's depressed.

01:18:57.000 Yeah.

01:18:58.000 I mean, unbelievable you could treat another human like that.

01:19:00.000 Yeah.

01:19:01.000 Right?

01:19:01.000 I'm just asking you.

01:19:02.000 I'm just asking for a favor.

01:19:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:19:04.000 And it was just like, yeah, just fucking everybody like- A lot of people think it's okay to be a cunt. 1.00

01:19:07.000 Yeah, it's not okay. 1.00

01:19:08.000 No.

01:19:09.000 It was just rude.

01:19:09.000 And I had no comeback to- Especially when you were nice to her.

01:19:11.000 I was super nice.

01:19:12.000 Hey, could you recommend?

01:19:13.000 I'm in your city.

01:19:14.000 You know, you come to New York, I want you to have a good time.

01:19:16.000 You know, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna be a good ambassador of the city.

01:19:18.000 Yeah.

01:19:19.000 Set up a reservation for you somewhere.

01:19:20.000 Tell you where to get a good slice of pizza, you know?

01:19:22.000 Right.

01:19:23.000 Can you recommend another city?

01:19:23.000 Look it up on your phone.

01:19:25.000 Just Google it.

01:19:25.000 That's what she said.

01:19:26.000 Wow.

01:19:27.000 And I was so caught off guard, I had no comeback. 1.00

01:19:28.000 I just fucking slumped and walked out like a bitch. 1.00

01:19:31.000 And I think I didn't like that about myself here. 1.00

01:19:32.000 Oh, so now you hate Portland.

01:19:34.000 Yeah.

01:19:35.000 It's probably a decent place.

01:19:36.000 It's like if you get beat up somewhere in high school, you never want to go back.

01:19:39.000 Never want to go back.

01:19:40.000 No.

01:19:40.000 Yeah.

01:19:40.000 But I will go back and just trash it.

01:19:43.000 Yeah, it'll be fun.

01:19:44.000 Do you ever work there?

01:19:44.000 Yeah, I was working there.

01:19:46.000 But do you ever go back since then?

01:19:48.000 I will. 1.00

01:19:48.000 And you're going to fuck with them? 1.00

01:19:50.000 Oh yeah. 1.00

01:19:50.000 It's going to be fun. 1.00

01:19:51.000 Their mayor is the most useless mayor of all time. 0.99

01:19:53.000 What's the deal? 1.00

01:19:54.000 He's hilarious.

01:19:55.000 He was supporting Antifa and he would go on the street with them and he would go march with them. 0.98

01:20:01.000 And then they started tear gassing his house and fucking lighting his apartment building on fire. 0.98

01:20:05.000 He had to move. 0.98

01:20:06.000 And then finally, now he turned the other way and he's like, turn these people in, turn them into the cops. 0.99

01:20:13.000 I'm like, bitch, you defunded the cops. 1.00

01:20:14.000 Like you were on their side, stupid. 1.00

01:20:16.000 He's like super progressive and they're like, not progressive enough. 1.00

01:20:20.000 We want your resignation.

01:20:21.000 Because you can't, these people are not being reasonable.

01:20:25.000 There's not a discussion to be had.

01:20:26.000 They want to burn it to the ground. 1.00

01:20:27.000 They're losers. 1.00

01:20:29.000 That's the thing they don't get. 1.00

01:20:30.000 People think they want change.

01:20:31.000 They don't want change.

01:20:32.000 They want to complain.

01:20:33.000 People like complaining.

01:20:34.000 There's a lot of value in complaining.

01:20:36.000 These people have had no success in their life ever.

01:20:39.000 So they see structures.

01:20:41.000 They see courthouses.

01:20:43.000 They see the mayor's apartment building.

01:20:45.000 They want to burn it all to the ground. 1.00

01:20:47.000 They're all these dumpy losers that look like bowling pins with hats on. 1.00

01:20:52.000 They're gross people. 1.00

01:20:53.000 And they want to light everything on fire. 0.99

01:20:55.000 This is how I felt the whole time I was there.

01:20:58.000 Keep going.

01:20:59.000 This is great.

01:21:00.000 Horrible posture.

01:21:01.000 Nobody there has a good posture.

01:21:02.000 I had a buddy of mine, this is a funny story, who moved there and he was teaching jujitsu.

01:21:07.000 He was running Tenth Planet Portland.

01:21:10.000 And I went there to do a show and I go, how do you like it here? 0.92

01:21:14.000 And he goes, dude, I fucking love it. 0.66

01:21:15.000 I go, really? 0.98

01:21:16.000 I go, the rain doesn't bother you?

01:21:18.000 He goes, no.

01:21:19.000 He goes, not at all, man. 0.96

01:21:20.000 I fucking love it. 0.97

01:21:21.000 I really enjoy it here, man. 0.98

01:21:23.000 He goes, the people are really cool.

01:21:24.000 Everything's really green.

01:21:25.000 I think it's a great trade-off.

01:21:26.000 I'm like, wow, interesting.

01:21:28.000 You know, hang out with him at my show.

01:21:30.000 Then I see him a year and a half later in L.A. And I go, what are you doing here, man?

01:21:34.000 He goes, I couldn't take it anymore. 0.99

01:21:35.000 The fucking rain was killing me. 1.00

01:21:36.000 I go, you son of a bitch. 1.00

01:21:38.000 I go, you were selling it. 1.00

01:21:39.000 You were selling it because you were trying to sell yourself. 0.94

01:21:42.000 So you were trying to suck me into it. 0.99

01:21:44.000 That drives me nuts. 0.93

01:21:46.000 Because when I tell somebody I like something, I've considered it deeply. 0.98

01:21:51.000 Like if I tell someone I love Austin, I fucking love this place. 0.69

01:21:55.000 You love it. 0.98

01:21:55.000 I'm not lying. 0.98

01:21:56.000 You love it.

01:21:57.000 I've never felt more at home.

01:21:58.000 Really?

01:21:59.000 I slip right in like a glove.

01:22:01.000 Snap.

01:22:02.000 Okay.

01:22:02.000 Perfect.

01:22:03.000 Love it here.

01:22:04.000 Restaurants are amazing.

01:22:05.000 People are friendly.

01:22:07.000 Great comedy.

01:22:08.000 You could do everything you want here.

01:22:09.000 Play a jujitsu.

01:22:10.000 Tidy up a little.

01:22:11.000 It could be tidied up a little bit.

01:22:12.000 Well, every place could be tidied up a little bit.

01:22:14.000 This one could be a little bit more tidied up.

01:22:15.000 How about you, New Yorker?

01:22:16.000 New York is clean, bro. 1.00

01:22:17.000 How about that fucking place? 1.00

01:22:18.000 New York is clean, bro. 1.00

01:22:19.000 Yeah, well, they got rid of all the tents in front of the courthouses out here today.

01:22:22.000 Or a couple days ago.

01:22:23.000 That's what I'm talking about.

01:22:23.000 All down Cesar Chavez.

01:22:25.000 They cleaned all the tents.

01:22:26.000 Tidying up.

01:22:27.000 Putting those folks in hotels.

01:22:28.000 Yeah.

01:22:29.000 The mayor is actually implementing plans.

01:22:32.000 I like this.

01:22:33.000 He's actually trying to make...

01:22:34.000 He said that's his number one prerogative in the next year and a half that he's in office is to clean up the homeless problem.

01:22:41.000 He goes, there's like 2,000, 3,000 homeless people.

01:22:44.000 He goes, that's workable. 0.99

01:22:46.000 He goes, when it gets to where LA is, LA's fucked. 0.98

01:22:48.000 Why so many here? 0.99

01:22:50.000 I don't understand it.

01:22:50.000 They all come here?

01:22:52.000 It's a good spot.

01:22:53.000 It's a good place to be.

01:22:54.000 There's other places in Texas?

01:22:55.000 You can beg.

01:22:56.000 They're progressive.

01:22:57.000 This is a progressive city.

01:22:58.000 Okay.

01:22:59.000 Very open-minded city.

01:23:00.000 Yeah, because...

01:23:01.000 They're kind.

01:23:02.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:23:02.000 You know?

01:23:03.000 Not a bad place to be homeless.

01:23:04.000 Yeah.

01:23:05.000 Yeah.

01:23:06.000 I found a group, Vera.org, that says they're studying the testing at ICE detention centers, and they're not doing a lot, apparently.

01:23:14.000 Of course.

01:23:15.000 But they're not sharing the information.

01:23:17.000 They're not sharing what they're doing.

01:23:18.000 Let me rephrase that.

01:23:19.000 They're not sharing what they're doing.

01:23:20.000 Of course, because there's so many people that are positive.

01:23:21.000 I guarantee you.

01:23:22.000 Well, that's, yeah, the first test they did, almost half the people they tested were...

01:23:26.000 So they did one test in May of 2020. ICE reported having tested 2,781 people in his custody with 1,461 positive tests at just 60 of more than the 200 facilities.

01:23:41.000 So they're letting in.

01:23:42.000 So Greg Abbott, the governor, the great governor of the state of Texas, was correct.

01:23:46.000 They're letting in thousands and thousands of people who are positive with COVID. Now, are they holding them there until they're negative?

01:23:55.000 The next part says that by day 60, 20% of the people will have contracted it.

01:24:00.000 So if they didn't have it, they're going to get it.

01:24:02.000 They're going to get it.

01:24:02.000 Oh, and even if you're negative when you get it day one...

01:24:05.000 You're going to get it because you're connected to all these people.

01:24:08.000 They're shoved into these rooms where they're trying to stop people from filming it.

01:24:11.000 That's a great argument.

01:24:12.000 Have you seen that?

01:24:12.000 They're trying to stop them from filming it.

01:24:14.000 Like Ted Cruz is down there.

01:24:16.000 They said, you can't film this.

01:24:17.000 And he goes, you can't just tell me what I can and can't film.

01:24:20.000 But the Biden administration doesn't want to be connected to holding kids in cages the way the Trump administration was.

01:24:26.000 But the Trump administration at least let people go down there and film it and complain about it.

01:24:31.000 Whereas the Biden administration is like, well, we don't see it.

01:24:34.000 We don't see it.

01:24:35.000 It's not happening.

01:24:36.000 They won't let you film it.

01:24:37.000 Who do you think is...

01:24:38.000 Making the decisions in the Biden administration. 1.00

01:24:41.000 Some fucking masked marvel that lives in the basement. 1.00

01:24:44.000 It's the bankers. 1.00

01:24:47.000 It's not Biden.

01:24:50.000 106% of Americans have been vaccinated with 380 billion people.

01:24:54.000 He's out of his mind.

01:24:55.000 I love it when he says numbers.

01:24:57.000 Because I know it's going to be crazy.

01:24:58.000 Anytime there's numbers, my ears perk up.

01:25:00.000 Like, go for it.

01:25:01.000 Go for it.

01:25:02.000 All two billion Americans have been vaccinated.

01:25:04.000 We're like, let's go!

01:25:06.000 He said, more than 106% of Americans have been vaccinated. 1.00

01:25:09.000 That's not even possible, you fuck! 1.00

01:25:11.000 I love it! 1.00

01:25:12.000 I love it!

01:25:13.000 Let's go!

01:25:14.000 He's so lost.

01:25:16.000 People go, well, you have to understand, he stutters.

01:25:18.000 No!

01:25:19.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:25:21.000 It's so clear.

01:25:23.000 It's so clear. 1.00

01:25:24.000 You guys are so full of shit. 1.00

01:25:25.000 You're so partisan. 1.00

01:25:27.000 You're so pro-democrat.

01:25:29.000 You wanted Trump out so bad.

01:25:31.000 You voted a man on death's door. 0.67

01:25:34.000 He's got one foot on a skateboard and one on a banana peel.

01:25:37.000 What does he say?

01:25:39.000 Unvaccinated.

01:25:41.000 So we have to get more people vaccinated.

01:25:43.000 Going from the beginning, Jamie?

01:25:45.000 Of the unvaccinated.

01:25:49.000 So we have to get more people vaccinated.

01:25:52.000 I said, well over, what's the number again?

01:25:56.000 I remind myself, 350 million Americans have already been vaccinated.

01:26:03.000 They're doing fine.

01:26:05.000 Please report the past week we've seen of the un...

01:26:09.000 Yeah, talk to Tim Dillon, bro.

01:26:11.000 Do you remember when he said he was talking about...

01:26:15.000 Light him up.

01:26:16.000 Light him up.

01:26:17.000 Yeah.

01:26:18.000 I had a little drink of tequila, actually.

01:26:21.000 Let's do it.

01:26:21.000 I actually brought them for you.

01:26:23.000 Oh, you brought tequila?

01:26:25.000 It's your birthday, bro.

01:26:26.000 Let's drink out of these cups.

01:26:27.000 Let's do it.

01:26:28.000 Dude, I got cigars with my face on them.

01:26:30.000 Pow.

01:26:30.000 Oh, I want a Joe Rogan experience cigar.

01:26:32.000 I'll get you a box.

01:26:33.000 Please.

01:26:33.000 I'll get you a box.

01:26:34.000 Actually, that'd be great.

01:26:35.000 These are from Foundation Cigars.

01:26:37.000 Shout out to them.

01:26:38.000 Okay.

01:26:40.000 Okay.

01:26:40.000 Okay, man.

01:26:41.000 Chuka tequila?

01:26:42.000 You're a tequila guy? 0.99

01:26:43.000 Yeah, if I can just fucking open it. 0.98

01:26:45.000 No, I like tequila, man. 0.98

01:26:46.000 Here, I'll snip that one for you.

01:26:48.000 You can take that one.

01:26:48.000 Oh, thank you, dude.

01:26:49.000 Switch?

01:26:50.000 Yeah.

01:26:51.000 Which one?

01:26:51.000 No, you just snip that one.

01:26:53.000 Thank you.

01:26:54.000 Are you off the weed?

01:26:56.000 Am I off the weed?

01:26:57.000 What am I, a communist?

01:26:58.000 No. 1.00

01:26:59.000 You fucking want me to be miserable? 1.00

01:27:01.000 Bro, this is Sundays. 1.00

01:27:03.000 I love these fucking guys. 1.00

01:27:04.000 I met this guy at Waco. 1.00

01:27:06.000 Oh, did you really?

01:27:07.000 I was surfing with him.

01:27:08.000 Oh, the Waco place.

01:27:10.000 Yeah, and they gave me...

01:27:11.000 Here, try that. 0.63

01:27:12.000 And they gave me...

01:27:13.000 I think I'm cheating on Ron.

01:27:15.000 Ron White.

01:27:17.000 Oh, it's all good, Ron.

01:27:18.000 Number one.

01:27:18.000 It smells good.

01:27:19.000 I like a very plain bottle.

01:27:20.000 Dude, it's plain.

01:27:21.000 Yeah.

01:27:21.000 I love it.

01:27:22.000 Simple branding.

01:27:24.000 Simple.

01:27:24.000 I always tell him, I was like, I feel like I'm walking down like a random beach after a long night of partying.

01:27:28.000 You know that scene in like a movie where it's just one guy with his shirt unbuttoned and there's just a glass bottle, old school style.

01:27:34.000 Pour yourself some of that.

01:27:35.000 Gang. 0.66

01:27:37.000 Okay.

01:27:39.000 Cheers, my brother.

01:27:40.000 Cheers, brother.

01:27:41.000 Okay.

01:27:41.000 To Italy.

01:27:42.000 To Italy.

01:27:44.000 Mmm.

01:27:46.000 Okay.

01:27:46.000 Woo!

01:27:47.000 We lighten these up?

01:27:48.000 Yeah.

01:27:49.000 Yeah.

01:27:51.000 Ugh.

01:27:52.000 Tequila is always tequila.

01:27:54.000 Yep.

01:27:55.000 You know?

01:27:56.000 How do I do this?

01:27:59.000 Oh, okay.

01:27:59.000 That's it.

01:28:00.000 Now, why did you do the cut in like that?

01:28:03.000 Why did you do the Pac-Man thing?

01:28:04.000 Oh, it's this one that does it.

01:28:06.000 Okay.

01:28:06.000 This thing, it's built in.

01:28:08.000 I like it that way.

01:28:09.000 I feel like you get more.

01:28:11.000 Mmm! 0.89

01:28:11.000 You get a better pull. 0.89

01:28:13.000 You know?

01:28:14.000 Mmm.

01:28:16.000 That's good.

01:28:22.000 There we go. 1.00

01:28:25.000 That's a good fucking cigar, right? 1.00

01:28:26.000 That's a nice cigar. 1.00

01:28:27.000 Now, I'll be honest, I'm a complete fraud.

01:28:29.000 I don't know anything about cigars, but...

01:28:31.000 I know very little. 0.97

01:28:33.000 I know what I like, but I don't know shit about it. 0.65

01:28:36.000 I've talked to people and they try to explain to me the blends. 0.88

01:28:39.000 It's a Connecticut leaf on the wrapper.

01:28:44.000 I know it tastes good.

01:28:45.000 Why is it that Cuban cigars are like the elite cigars?

01:28:49.000 It's a type of soil.

01:28:50.000 There's soil in this one particular area.

01:28:52.000 But a lot of the Cubans that used to grow in this one particular area, they left and they went to Dominican Republic and went to Nicaragua.

01:29:02.000 And there are some people, I don't know enough to tell you if this is true, there's some people that swear that what the mystique of Cuba, you know, there's still cigars that are amazing that come from Cuba, he said, but they're just as good from Nicaragua and from Dominican Republic.

01:29:18.000 But it's just the idea of like getting something you can't get.

01:29:22.000 It's like there's wealthy Chinese people that want to drink rhino horn tea. 0.92

01:29:30.000 It's like a thing.

01:29:31.000 We have rhino horn.

01:29:33.000 Please come into my study and drink rhino horn.

01:29:37.000 And I was like, wow, we are gangsters. 1.00

01:29:39.000 We are fucking capitalists. 1.00

01:29:41.000 We're pillaging. 1.00

01:29:43.000 We're out here eating endangered species.

01:29:45.000 I like how you did an English accent.

01:29:46.000 We have rhino horn.

01:29:48.000 Yeah.

01:29:49.000 Why is it you can't do that?

01:29:51.000 What, a Chinese accent?

01:29:52.000 Why are there certain accents that you're allowed to do?

01:29:55.000 Well, how come you can say Englishman, but you can't say Chinaman?

01:29:58.000 Why can't you say Chinaman?

01:30:00.000 Because it's bad.

01:30:01.000 No, if he's a man from China, he's a Chinaman. 0.64

01:30:03.000 He's an Irishman.

01:30:04.000 No problem at all.

01:30:04.000 No Irish people get offended.

01:30:06.000 Say, look at that fucking Chinaman. 1.00

01:30:09.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:30:09.000 You say, look at that fucking Irishman. 1.00

01:30:11.000 You're like, yeah, look at him. 1.00

01:30:12.000 Look at him go.

01:30:13.000 I always thought that way about like tranny. 1.00

01:30:16.000 Because we say tranny for transmission. 1.00

01:30:19.000 Right?

01:30:20.000 So it's like, I don't understand why it's a bad word.

01:30:22.000 Cabbie, cab driver.

01:30:23.000 Cabbie, cab driver.

01:30:24.000 It's just shortened.

01:30:25.000 Yeah, I don't think it should be hateful.

01:30:26.000 The idea is that you need to treat it with respect.

01:30:28.000 But here's the thing about all those things.

01:30:29.000 But the accent, explain the accent thing to me.

01:30:31.000 Like, why can I make fun of an Italian? 1.00

01:30:33.000 Why can I do...

01:30:34.000 You can't do Chinese. 1.00

01:30:35.000 I can do Jamaican.

01:30:37.000 You can do Jamaican, yeah.

01:30:38.000 And that's a different race. 0.99

01:30:39.000 Right, but you can't do black. 0.99

01:30:42.000 Like black American, kind of racist. 1.00

01:30:44.000 Yeah, because it's implying like all black people talk like that. 0.99

01:30:48.000 You're implying all Jamaicans talk like that?

01:30:50.000 Well, all Jamaicans have a Jamaican accent. 0.94

01:30:53.000 Yabon.

01:30:53.000 I don't know if it's like that.

01:30:55.000 Jamaican accent is like universally okay.

01:30:57.000 Yeah.

01:30:58.000 For even white people to do.

01:30:59.000 White people can do it. 0.98

01:31:00.000 You can do it.

01:31:01.000 I think that you can do Mexican still.

01:31:03.000 I think you can do Mexican accent still.

01:31:05.000 Yeah, you can still do it.

01:31:05.000 But Asian, for whatever reason, has become racist.

01:31:08.000 Yeah. 0.91

01:31:08.000 Indian, I think, is borderline. 0.91

01:31:10.000 Like, you can kind of do it, but it's like getting there.

01:31:12.000 I think if you, like, wobble your head, it's bad.

01:31:13.000 They pulled it off of The Simpsons.

01:31:15.000 What?

01:31:15.000 Apu.

01:31:16.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous. 0.99

01:31:17.000 And my Indian friends tell me that they think that's ridiculous. 0.93

01:31:19.000 That he was actually a really positive character.

01:31:22.000 Positive character.

01:31:23.000 He owned a business.

01:31:24.000 Like my boy Akash.

01:31:25.000 I do a podcast with.

01:31:26.000 You know Akash.

01:31:26.000 And he was like, yeah, it's absurd.

01:31:28.000 I finally saw someone who looked like me.

01:31:30.000 That's the thing. 0.99

01:31:31.000 Stop doing this shit for people that don't ask for it. 1.00

01:31:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:31:33.000 Like, white people are trying to be fucking good people, and these different groups are not asking for it. 1.00

01:31:38.000 I think that's the best... 0.99

01:31:40.000 You know how they say, like, you need diversity in the boardroom or whatever like that? 0.99

01:31:42.000 Only so white people stop being so fucking white about it. 0.99

01:31:46.000 Right. 1.00

01:31:46.000 But here's the problem. 1.00

01:31:48.000 If you get diversity in the boardroom, everybody's looking to move up.

01:31:51.000 And unscrupulous people would recognize the fear...

01:31:56.000 And the opportunity.

01:31:57.000 And they'll take advantage of it and say, I'm offended.

01:32:01.000 I think there should be more diversity on this board.

01:32:05.000 I think there should be more representation.

01:32:07.000 Why is there not more representation at the elite levels of executive?

01:32:11.000 And then all of a sudden they get a promotion.

01:32:13.000 And then they find themselves complaining their way to the top.

01:32:16.000 You can kill your way to the top.

01:32:17.000 In corporate world today, in a lot of corporate worlds today, they have to address diversity.

01:32:23.000 Because they're busy polluting rivers in Ecuador.

01:32:27.000 They gotta distract you. 0.99

01:32:29.000 So look at all the lesbians we hired. 1.00

01:32:37.000 It's so true. 0.98

01:32:39.000 It's so true. 0.84

01:32:41.000 Dude, it's a smoke screen.

01:32:43.000 It's a full smoke screen.

01:32:44.000 It's a smoke screen. 1.00

01:32:44.000 Do you think Halliburton with a fucking rainbow flag, do you think they give a fuck? 1.00

01:32:49.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:32:49.000 They just paint the missiles rainbow? 1.00

01:32:53.000 Well, it's not gay weddings we're blowing up. 0.99

01:32:56.000 It's just straight patriarchal weddings. 0.99

01:32:59.000 We're using rainbow missiles in Yemen because those people have traditionally been anti-homosexual. 0.95

01:33:08.000 Confetti when it hits. 0.62

01:33:09.000 Dude, can we talk about how like...

01:33:13.000 When you get an invite to a Yemeni wedding, you gotta love that person.

01:33:17.000 Right, you gotta be safe.

01:33:18.000 No, no.

01:33:19.000 You gotta wanna go.

01:33:21.000 You're not a plus one at a Yemeni wedding, dude. 0.99

01:33:23.000 Right.

01:33:24.000 I think the problem is driving to the wedding party, too.

01:33:28.000 Because there's always a convoy of off-road vehicles, and they're like, why take a chance?

01:33:33.000 Do you think that they were part of that?

01:33:35.000 Because they were like, I just don't want to invite everybody to the wedding. 0.99

01:33:37.000 Obama, can you just blow up a few of these, and now I don't have to invite my second cousins and shit? 0.99

01:33:42.000 Do you think? 0.99

01:33:45.000 I'm planning a wedding now, and the list is tough.

01:33:48.000 It keeps going up.

01:33:49.000 My girl's stressing me, and I don't have the luxury that many people have where they get to just say, you probably don't want to come.

01:33:55.000 It might blow up.

01:33:56.000 Right, right.

01:33:57.000 I see what you're saying.

01:33:58.000 Yeah.

01:33:59.000 Dude, do you know that the number of people that were killed just during the Obama administration that were innocent by drones?

01:34:07.000 He was the GOAT. Yeah.

01:34:08.000 Drone Strike Go, dude!

01:34:10.000 Steph Curry with it!

01:34:11.000 Trump might have got close.

01:34:13.000 You think?

01:34:13.000 I think he did.

01:34:14.000 But was it weddings, though?

01:34:16.000 It was everything.

01:34:17.000 I mean, like... 0.99

01:34:17.000 They just blow shit up, man. 0.99

01:34:19.000 It's indiscriminate bombing. 0.99

01:34:20.000 It's this weird bombing where they're like...

01:34:22.000 Do you know a lot of it is done on metadata?

01:34:25.000 So, let's say, if your cell phone...

01:34:27.000 Okay.

01:34:38.000 Okay.

01:34:46.000 And they know that you've been using that phone.

01:34:48.000 Don't blow up the whole building.

01:34:49.000 So they'll leave it in a school.

01:34:51.000 They do some of that stuff on purpose.

01:34:53.000 So why don't they do it with their enemies?

01:34:54.000 Why don't you put a phone at somebody's... 1.00

01:34:56.000 Like if some guy's marrying your childhood crush, put your fucking cell phone with them. 1.00

01:34:59.000 I bet they do. 1.00

01:35:00.000 Kaboom! 0.99

01:35:01.000 I bet people have done that.

01:35:02.000 But what they have done is done it with schools and hospitals.

01:35:05.000 Where they've left...

01:35:09.000 Oh, yeah.

01:35:22.000 The bodegas in Brooklyn, a lot of them.

01:35:23.000 Oh, yeah? 1.00

01:35:24.000 Yeah, and they are some tough motherfuckers. 1.00

01:35:27.000 You have to be. 1.00

01:35:28.000 You do not fuck with Yemen. 1.00

01:35:30.000 Because they're kind of hood with it, too. 1.00

01:35:31.000 They came to America, and the culture that they experienced was like Brooklyn hood culture, right? 0.98

01:35:37.000 And they open it anywhere.

01:35:40.000 Brownsville, it doesn't matter. 1.00

01:35:41.000 They will go into wildest neighborhoods, open that shit up, and not give a fuck. 0.99

01:35:46.000 Do you remember Prince Nassim Hamed? 1.00

01:35:48.000 Of course!

01:35:49.000 Was he Yemenite?

01:35:49.000 Yeah.

01:35:50.000 There was another guy that fought out of New York. 0.99

01:35:52.000 I'm forgetting his fucking name. 0.99

01:35:53.000 I'm pretty sure. 1.00

01:35:54.000 He fought recently.

01:35:54.000 He fought Kodo.

01:35:55.000 Oh.

01:35:56.000 Do you remember that kid?

01:35:58.000 Yes.

01:35:59.000 I'm forgetting his name, but I didn't know Nassim Ahmed was...

01:36:02.000 I'm pretty sure.

01:36:03.000 I'm pretty sure he was from Yemen.

01:36:04.000 What a legend that guy was, man. 1.00

01:36:06.000 What a fucking talent. 1.00

01:36:07.000 What a fucking... 1.00

01:36:08.000 And what a style. 1.00

01:36:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:36:10.000 The dancing, the hands low, and he would leap at you with fucking flying uppercuts and take your head off. 1.00

01:36:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:36:16.000 And then he got exposed as he started to fight the more technical guys.

01:36:19.000 I think Barrera was the first guy that really...

01:36:21.000 But he was so brilliant.

01:36:24.000 And he's the reason why these 135-pound guys can make millions.

01:36:27.000 Without him?

01:36:28.000 He's born to many parents, but he's not from there.

01:36:31.000 Yeah, he's from England, but still culturally.

01:36:33.000 But he was so brilliant, man.

01:36:35.000 I remember I would always watch boxing with my pops.

01:36:37.000 My dad was a big boxing fan, but he would go to cover boxing.

01:36:41.000 He used to work for NBC back in the day.

01:36:44.000 And producing a noose. 1.00

01:36:46.000 And he would go to Ali's camp and shit. 1.00

01:36:48.000 And he'd go to all these camps. 0.99

01:36:50.000 So he was a big boxing fan.

01:36:52.000 And I remember watching fights with him.

01:36:54.000 We would watch Hamed. 0.70

01:36:55.000 He fought.

01:36:55.000 Who did he fight?

01:36:56.000 He fought Barrera.

01:36:58.000 Kevin Kelly.

01:36:59.000 I remember the Kelly fight at Madison Square Garden.

01:37:02.000 He finished Kelly.

01:37:03.000 And Kevin Kelly was nice.

01:37:04.000 He had that style where he would kind of shake his gloves.

01:37:06.000 Southpaw.

01:37:07.000 Kevin was the first guy to give him real problems.

01:37:10.000 Yeah.

01:37:10.000 He clipped him.

01:37:11.000 Yeah.

01:37:11.000 But he was just so athletic.

01:37:13.000 Nomad could crack.

01:37:14.000 Yeah.

01:37:15.000 God, he could crack.

01:37:16.000 Yeah.

01:37:16.000 He had crazy power.

01:37:18.000 And it was all from the legs, man.

01:37:19.000 His legs were like tree trunks.

01:37:21.000 Yeah.

01:37:22.000 Pacquiao has a lot of that.

01:37:24.000 He's got tree trunks.

01:37:25.000 What do you think about that? 1.00

01:37:26.000 The fucking Errol Spence fight. 1.00

01:37:27.000 I know. 1.00

01:37:28.000 Here he is.

01:37:28.000 Look at him.

01:37:29.000 Look at this shit, man. 1.00

01:37:30.000 He was so fun to watch, man. 1.00

01:37:32.000 He was so fun to watch.

01:37:34.000 He had those crazy leopard skin pants, like he kisses biceps. 0.55

01:37:37.000 Yeah.

01:37:38.000 I mean, look at this.

01:37:39.000 And he had no biceps. 0.97

01:37:39.000 I mean, the thing is, too, like the guy would knock everybody the fuck out and he didn't look like a KO artist if you looked at his body. 0.97

01:37:46.000 But look at his style. 0.94

01:37:48.000 Look at that.

01:37:49.000 The leaping in with the punches. 1.00

01:37:51.000 I mean, it's wild shit, man. 0.99

01:37:52.000 That's the thing that's super rare about him and also rare about Pacquiao. 0.99

01:37:55.000 It's like, usually guys that bounce in and out like that can't crack.

01:37:58.000 Yeah.

01:37:59.000 But he was the wildest, man.

01:38:01.000 Look at the dancing and everything.

01:38:02.000 He was so fun to watch, man.

01:38:04.000 Yeah.

01:38:05.000 That's beautiful.

01:38:06.000 Yeah, it's interesting.

01:38:07.000 Boxing's in an interesting place.

01:38:09.000 It is.

01:38:10.000 It's an interesting place.

01:38:11.000 I like what Logan and Jake are doing.

01:38:14.000 I'm very bummed out at this Pacquiao fight.

01:38:17.000 He's fighting...

01:38:18.000 Oh, it's Spence.

01:38:18.000 Who is he fighting now?

01:38:19.000 Ugas.

01:38:20.000 He's going to fight Ugas.

01:38:21.000 Still be fun to watch Pacquiao fight.

01:38:23.000 Yeah, of course.

01:38:24.000 It'll still be fun.

01:38:24.000 But you want to see him go up against that young blood.

01:38:26.000 And Errol Spence is a fucking monster, bro. 1.00

01:38:28.000 He's very, very good. 1.00

01:38:29.000 He is great.

01:38:30.000 Did you see that Ferrari crash that he was in?

01:38:32.000 Bro, that was unbelievable.

01:38:33.000 Wild.

01:38:34.000 No seatbelt saved him.

01:38:36.000 That's right.

01:38:37.000 No seatbelt saved him.

01:38:38.000 He got launched out of the car.

01:38:39.000 That's right.

01:38:40.000 It's better for some reason if you get launched out.

01:38:44.000 Depends on where your head lands.

01:38:45.000 That's true.

01:38:47.000 But yeah, I've heard this before, like, they also said this, like, sometimes the drunk people end up living.

01:38:53.000 Because they're so relaxed.

01:38:54.000 Yep.

01:38:54.000 Yeah.

01:38:56.000 So no seatbelt and be drunk.

01:38:58.000 You watch the video of the crash?

01:38:59.000 Yeah, the crash is wild.

01:39:00.000 This is it?

01:39:01.000 Yeah, watch this.

01:39:02.000 Ay yi yi.

01:39:04.000 Yeah, so he just fell off.

01:39:06.000 That looks like blood, doesn't it?

01:39:08.000 Oh my God.

01:39:08.000 Jesus Christ, watch that again.

01:39:10.000 Oh my God, dude.

01:39:13.000 Yeah, I mean, unreal.

01:39:14.000 So I guess he has a detached retina, they're saying.

01:39:16.000 Yeah, I wonder what it's from.

01:39:17.000 You think it's from this?

01:39:18.000 Sparring, probably.

01:39:20.000 I think he got a cliff sparring.

01:39:22.000 First of all, how do you get a 458 or 488, Ferrari 488?

01:39:28.000 How do you not learn how to drive when you have one of those?

01:39:31.000 How about learn how to drive, bro?

01:39:33.000 Have you bought anything new, car-wise?

01:39:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:35.000 Talk to me.

01:39:36.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:37.000 Talk to me.

01:39:38.000 I have a Gunther Works Porsche.

01:39:40.000 It's an all-carbon fiber, 1995 993, with a 450 horsepower engine.

01:39:49.000 It's super light because it's all carbon fiber.

01:39:51.000 Okay.

01:39:52.000 The most agro car I've ever had.

01:39:55.000 It's wild.

01:39:57.000 It's a wild car.

01:39:58.000 It's all air-cooled, and there's no sound deadening in it at all.

01:40:02.000 Yeah.

01:40:03.000 So it's like, brah, brah.

01:40:06.000 I love it.

01:40:07.000 It's wild.

01:40:08.000 A wild car.

01:40:09.000 That's it right there.

01:40:10.000 That's my car.

01:40:11.000 I spiraled when I was in Miami and I bought a...

01:40:14.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:40:14.000 Yeah, it's beautiful. 0.92

01:40:15.000 Gaze.

01:40:16.000 Gaze upon that.

01:40:16.000 The wide body.

01:40:17.000 The hips.

01:40:18.000 Yeah.

01:40:20.000 Yeah.

01:40:21.000 Yeah, it's gorgeous.

01:40:23.000 I just stare at it sometimes, like for hours.

01:40:25.000 Yeah, it's gorgeous.

01:40:25.000 I'll sit down in my garage and just stare at it.

01:40:28.000 Yeah, that's beautiful.

01:40:30.000 Yeah, when I was in Miami, I started looking at these old speedsters. 0.99

01:40:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:37.000 Arthur Wors is doing a new speedster.

01:40:38.000 Can I see?

01:40:39.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:40.000 They just did the first one.

01:40:41.000 What year, though?

01:40:42.000 993, it's 1990s.

01:40:44.000 I think the last of the 993s was like 95 or 96. I'm talking about like 57, 58, 59. Look at that, son.

01:40:53.000 It's beautiful.

01:40:55.000 How dare you just call it beautiful.

01:40:57.000 It's a beautiful car.

01:40:58.000 Click on that. 1.00

01:40:58.000 Let me get some other angles of that bitch. 1.00

01:41:01.000 There you go. 1.00

01:41:02.000 Look at that.

01:41:03.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:41:05.000 God damn, that's beautiful. 1.00

01:41:07.000 Methane is, that's a wild looking beast. 1.00

01:41:10.000 All carbon fiber, too.

01:41:12.000 The thing about these things is, look, my Tesla is faster than all these things.

01:41:18.000 Yeah.

01:41:18.000 All these things.

01:41:19.000 But...

01:41:20.000 It's different.

01:41:21.000 It's different.

01:41:22.000 That's tactile.

01:41:23.000 That thing, you feel everything.

01:41:25.000 You feel...

01:41:26.000 But isn't the Tesla...

01:41:28.000 Tesla's like a Honda Accord.

01:41:29.000 No, no, no.

01:41:30.000 It is, bro.

01:41:31.000 It's a rocket ship.

01:41:31.000 It looks like a Honda Accord.

01:41:33.000 You've driven one?

01:41:33.000 Yes.

01:41:34.000 Yes.

01:41:34.000 When did you drive?

01:41:35.000 Which one?

01:41:36.000 Not the biggest four-door.

01:41:39.000 Three?

01:41:39.000 I guess it was a three.

01:41:40.000 My boy Alex has one.

01:41:41.000 Okay.

01:41:41.000 And we actually drove to Boston and slept on the way.

01:41:45.000 Because he did this thing where, I don't even know if you should, but you can hang something off of the steering wheel because you need to show that you have like...

01:41:50.000 Oh, good job.

01:41:50.000 Because someone walks in front of the car, then they die.

01:41:52.000 Well, if you're on the highway, ideally you're not walking. 1.00

01:41:54.000 Unless we're in fucking Austin and a guy in a thong is running around with a knife on a fucking highway. 0.99

01:41:57.000 Unless someone is trying to escape from the ice. 1.00

01:42:00.000 In Boston.

01:42:00.000 They don't want to get tested.

01:42:01.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:42:03.000 Those big camps in Boston keeping all the fucking Portuguese. 1.00

01:42:10.000 But yeah, it was just like, it's nice, but it's also a Honda Accord. 0.99

01:42:12.000 So you guys both went to sleep, for real?

01:42:14.000 All three of us, yeah, we went to sleep.

01:42:15.000 And the car just drove itself.

01:42:17.000 It just drove itself, yeah.

01:42:18.000 Dangerous.

01:42:19.000 Yeah.

01:42:20.000 Yeah, dangerous.

01:42:21.000 But cool.

01:42:21.000 I like the self-driving thing.

01:42:23.000 But if you don't have the self-driving, it's a Honda Accord.

01:42:26.000 That one.

01:42:27.000 Well, I have the S. The S is pretty sweet.

01:42:30.000 It is.

01:42:30.000 Really comfortable.

01:42:31.000 Very nice and smooth inside and very minimalist.

01:42:34.000 I love it.

01:42:35.000 I don't know.

01:42:35.000 Like, that's a car.

01:42:36.000 The Porsche is a car.

01:42:37.000 That's a ride.

01:42:38.000 He also doesn't have that fast one, though.

01:42:41.000 The Tesla.

01:42:41.000 Yeah, no, I remember being in it, too.

01:42:43.000 You're missing something.

01:42:44.000 Am I? Yeah, 100%.

01:42:46.000 I don't know.

01:42:46.000 He's got the X. Oh, okay.

01:42:47.000 He's got the X, which is like a spaceship.

01:42:50.000 Okay.

01:42:50.000 Jamie's got the X. He's got the gull-wing doors.

01:42:52.000 They pop up.

01:42:53.000 Ah.

01:42:53.000 It doesn't go as...

01:42:54.000 But is that one where it's a little bubbly?

01:42:55.000 It doesn't...

01:42:56.000 His doesn't go as...

01:42:57.000 You're missing out on the whole...

01:43:00.000 Immediate torque experience.

01:43:02.000 And meanwhile, the new one, the plaid buries mine.

01:43:04.000 The plaid makes mine look slow.

01:43:06.000 That's the one with the steering wheel that shows the sides.

01:43:08.000 What a brilliant idea.

01:43:09.000 How has nobody done that before?

01:43:10.000 Well, they have, but it's only been like formula racing cars.

01:43:13.000 I love it. 0.95

01:43:14.000 And maybe a few like Paganis or some shit like that. 0.97

01:43:16.000 Some crazy exotic. 0.91

01:43:18.000 That's another thing I got into.

01:43:19.000 1.9 seconds, zero to 60. That's great.

01:43:22.000 You know what that is?

01:43:23.000 That's a roller coaster.

01:43:24.000 Yeah, that's great.

01:43:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:43:27.000 It makes my car, which is preposterous, seem slow as fuck. 0.99

01:43:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:43:31.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:43:33.000 I guess for me, it's just the way it looks.

01:43:34.000 I started looking at all these old vintage cars. 0.99

01:43:37.000 I was looking at the old Jags and shit. 0.99

01:43:40.000 I could see you in an old Jag with one of them long noses. 0.99

01:43:43.000 Yeah, the XKEs. 0.96

01:43:44.000 With the wire wheels.

01:43:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:45.000 The wire spoke wheels.

01:43:47.000 It's so classy, dude. 0.99

01:43:47.000 I bought a fucking replica Speedster. 0.99

01:43:52.000 We did? 1.00

01:43:52.000 They're building it for me right now. 1.00

01:43:53.000 Look at you.

01:43:55.000 Now we're talking.

01:43:56.000 Pizza what?

01:43:57.000 Which year?

01:43:58.000 1958. Oh, Porsche?

01:44:00.000 Yeah.

01:44:01.000 Oh! 0.60

01:44:01.000 Yeah. 0.60

01:44:02.000 So that's a...

01:44:03.000 What is that?

01:44:04.000 356?

01:44:05.000 Is that what they are?

01:44:07.000 What is that?

01:44:07.000 356, yeah.

01:44:08.000 Yeah, that model is...

01:44:09.000 That's a beautiful car.

01:44:10.000 It's stunning.

01:44:11.000 It's the most beautiful car I've ever seen.

01:44:12.000 Who's making that?

01:44:12.000 Vintage Speedsters.

01:44:14.000 The guys that are in Arizona.

01:44:15.000 And it's a replica. 0.99

01:44:16.000 I'm not paying half a million dollars for a fucking... 0.99

01:44:17.000 Right. 0.99

01:44:18.000 I'm not Seinfeld here.

01:44:19.000 Right.

01:44:19.000 But it was the most beautiful car I've ever seen.

01:44:22.000 And I'm not super attached to the culture of cars just yet. 0.58

01:44:25.000 But I'm like, this is so fucking stunning. 0.82

01:44:27.000 You're gonna. 0.94

01:44:27.000 You're wearing an AP watch. 0.94

01:44:28.000 We're moving there.

01:44:29.000 We're moving there.

01:44:30.000 We're moving.

01:44:30.000 Things are going well.

01:44:31.000 Look at this.

01:44:32.000 That's a Testarossa.

01:44:33.000 Yeah, that's a crazy car.

01:44:34.000 What's up, virgins? 0.98

01:44:35.000 Yeah.

01:44:38.000 Did you drive a Testarossa around?

01:44:40.000 No, that was the Alexanders out there in Miami would let me take theirs around for this video we were doing, but this was so funny.

01:44:46.000 So that car right there, this is how powerful, it's a 12-cylinder, right?

01:44:48.000 That car, you don't need to put the gas, you don't even need to press the gas when you throw it in first gear.

01:44:53.000 You just need to take off the torque.

01:44:55.000 Take off the brake.

01:44:57.000 Sorry, sorry.

01:44:58.000 Clutch.

01:44:58.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:44:59.000 I know nothing about cars.

01:45:00.000 I grew up with a metro car.

01:45:00.000 Oh, so it's a stick shift?

01:45:02.000 Yeah, of course.

01:45:03.000 Thank God.

01:45:04.000 The new ones aren't.

01:45:05.000 Really?

01:45:05.000 They don't make them anymore.

01:45:06.000 Not even with the paddles?

01:45:07.000 Nope.

01:45:08.000 Well, that's not a stick shift, son.

01:45:10.000 That's a paddle.

01:45:11.000 That's an automatic. 0.99

01:45:12.000 A real car, you put your left foot in, you put your right hand, put that fucking car in gear, and you go like a man. 0.99

01:45:19.000 What about those F1 cars? 0.99

01:45:20.000 Are those not real ones? 0.98

01:45:21.000 Listen, they're race cars, but if you want the tactile experience of driving, like, fuck, wow, Shifting yourself is where it's at. 0.95

01:45:33.000 Ferrari stopped that. 0.95

01:45:34.000 Porsche is the only exotic car manufacturer that still allows you to buy a manual transmission.

01:45:41.000 Will you race them?

01:45:43.000 Like take him to a track, not really race him, but like, and just go.

01:45:47.000 This is the Track of the Americas, what is it called here?

01:45:50.000 Circuit of the Americas here?

01:45:52.000 Yeah, Tommy Segura took his car out there.

01:45:53.000 Did he?

01:45:54.000 Yeah, he said it's awesome.

01:45:55.000 Yeah.

01:45:55.000 They teach classes.

01:45:57.000 You can learn how to drift.

01:45:58.000 A buddy of mine was out there learning how to drift.

01:46:01.000 Yeah.

01:46:01.000 I got really into that F1 during the pandemic.

01:46:05.000 I watched that Drive to Survive.

01:46:06.000 Those cars are moving fast.

01:46:08.000 But also the culture behind it. 1.00

01:46:10.000 They're all fucking kids. 1.00

01:46:11.000 They're so competitive. 1.00

01:46:12.000 Yeah, they're psychos.

01:46:13.000 They're psychos, dude. 0.91

01:46:14.000 Yeah, they're psychos.

01:46:15.000 It's awesome.

01:46:16.000 Did you see that documentary Senna?

01:46:18.000 Yeah.

01:46:18.000 About Ayrton Senna.

01:46:19.000 It's amazing.

01:46:20.000 Yeah.

01:46:21.000 I mean, it was just crazy.

01:46:22.000 It's also so crazy that, like, it's so unfair.

01:46:24.000 It's like baseball.

01:46:25.000 Like, there's one team that's the Yankees, you know, and then the other teams, they just can't compete.

01:46:29.000 Like, Williams can't compete.

01:46:30.000 So if they get, like, ninth place, they're going crazy.

01:46:33.000 The guy's crying, right?

01:46:34.000 Yeah, because you finally get points.

01:46:35.000 I guess first top ten teams get, like, points or top ten positions.

01:46:39.000 What's the number one team?

01:46:40.000 It was Mercedes, but now Red Bull is fighting.

01:46:43.000 For it.

01:46:44.000 And Red Bull is not obviously a car maker. 0.95

01:46:45.000 They make sports drinks, like energy drinks, but they just have so much fucking money and they're just dumping into this.

01:46:50.000 We're talking about hundreds of millions of dollars to make a car. 0.97

01:46:52.000 And it's all branding.

01:46:54.000 And Mercedes did it for years. 1.00

01:46:55.000 So it's worth it for advertising.

01:46:56.000 If you watch that Red Bull car, wow!

01:47:00.000 I guess.

01:47:00.000 Have you ever seen the difference between a GT car and an F1 car going around the same circuit?

01:47:06.000 No.

01:47:06.000 It's so striking.

01:47:08.000 Why?

01:47:09.000 Because a GT car is like a 911 GT3, right? 1.00

01:47:12.000 A fast fucking car. 0.97

01:47:13.000 But the comparison between one of those going around a circuit and an There's a video. 0.99

01:47:17.000 If you Google GT car versus F1 car comparison.

01:47:24.000 But is it top speed that's the difference?

01:47:27.000 No.

01:47:27.000 Watch the left.

01:47:29.000 That's GT car.

01:47:29.000 Watch the right.

01:47:30.000 That's the formula car.

01:47:31.000 Look at the difference.

01:47:33.000 See that?

01:47:34.000 Watch this.

01:47:36.000 Yeah.

01:47:36.000 Yeah, you get used to that.

01:47:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:47:39.000 No, I need to go try that shit. 1.00

01:47:41.000 That is wild shit, man. 1.00

01:47:43.000 I mean, you have to be fucking wild. 1.00

01:47:45.000 What do you think those guys are on? 0.99

01:47:46.000 You think they're taking Adderall?

01:47:48.000 Adderall?

01:47:48.000 Have to be.

01:47:49.000 Yeah.

01:47:49.000 Wouldn't you?

01:47:50.000 I would.

01:47:51.000 I don't want to die.

01:47:51.000 Are you on Adderall?

01:47:52.000 No.

01:47:53.000 I've never tried it.

01:47:54.000 Really?

01:47:55.000 No.

01:47:55.000 Best drug I've ever had.

01:47:56.000 Really?

01:47:56.000 Yeah.

01:47:57.000 I never did it until I went to Burning Man, and I fucking loved it. 0.57

01:47:59.000 And I did it just to stay up. 0.81

01:48:00.000 I was like, let me just be efficient.

01:48:02.000 But it was amazing.

01:48:02.000 Like, in a good mood, you want to talk to people.

01:48:05.000 Let me be efficient.

01:48:05.000 I'm at Burning Man.

01:48:06.000 Let me be efficient.

01:48:07.000 Listen, I want the whole time.

01:48:08.000 I want to see the sunrise.

01:48:09.000 I want to see the sunset. 0.99

01:48:10.000 You know, I'm going to have to- What a fucking funny statement. 0.98

01:48:13.000 I'm here at Burning Man. 0.98

01:48:14.000 I want to be efficient.

01:48:15.000 I want to do things, Joe.

01:48:16.000 I don't like sitting around.

01:48:17.000 I don't like doing nothing, okay?

01:48:18.000 I want to be out here. 0.99

01:48:19.000 I want to be making shit happen. 0.94

01:48:21.000 Do you ever do comedy on Adderall? 0.96

01:48:22.000 No.

01:48:23.000 I don't even drink.

01:48:24.000 Really?

01:48:25.000 I never drink before I go on stage.

01:48:26.000 I never did.

01:48:27.000 I didn't drink for years.

01:48:29.000 And I'm glad I didn't...

01:48:31.000 I don't like any crutch.

01:48:32.000 I want to feel the nerves.

01:48:33.000 I want to feel anxiety. 1.00

01:48:34.000 I want to fucking feel some shit, man. 0.99

01:48:37.000 It was a weird thing we were talking about. 0.99

01:48:40.000 Comedy is the coolest thing where it's...

01:48:43.000 Maybe...

01:48:43.000 I hate making the analogies with fighting, but this one might make sense.

01:48:47.000 But like...

01:48:49.000 If I'm super stressed out with everything else going on in life, I can't wait to be on stage.

01:48:54.000 Because it requires all of my cognitive ability.

01:48:57.000 Yes. 1.00

01:48:58.000 So I don't think about all the other fuck shit that I've got to do. 1.00

01:49:01.000 And I wonder if fighting is kind of similar to that. 1.00

01:49:03.000 You don't have time to worry about bills.

01:49:05.000 You don't have time to worry about flights or these other things.

01:49:07.000 When you're in the middle of a fight or when you're doing comedy or when you're surfing, that was also the same thing.

01:49:11.000 It's like, I've got to be ready. 0.99

01:49:12.000 Is that a fucking shark? 0.99

01:49:13.000 Is there a sec coming in? 1.00

01:49:15.000 For a lot of people, though, personal problems...

01:49:17.000 Mm-hmm.

01:49:37.000 And that he was putting all his attention on the fight and was ignoring her.

01:49:41.000 So she would act up and flirt with other guys and he would get mad and she would storm off and like, I'm going out.

01:49:48.000 I need to clear my head. 1.00

01:49:48.000 You're a fucking asshole. 1.00

01:49:49.000 You're ignoring me. 1.00

01:49:50.000 And he would go, what the fuck? 1.00

01:49:51.000 I got a big fight coming up. 1.00

01:49:52.000 And she would leave and start fights and she would not answer.

01:49:56.000 We can't say.

01:49:57.000 Okay.

01:49:58.000 But it's not one.

01:50:00.000 There's many of them.

01:50:01.000 It's a type of gal. 1.00

01:50:03.000 Some fighters pick the type of lady that is really attracted to the idea of getting attention because she's a fighter's girlfriend. 1.00

01:50:13.000 So it's not just that they like the guy, but they like the guy because she's now a fighter's girlfriend and it gives her extra juice.

01:50:23.000 Some clout.

01:50:25.000 Those gals, they're the worst when the guy loses. 1.00

01:50:29.000 Because they'll get on the guy like, what the fuck was that? 1.00

01:50:32.000 Like, that kind of shit. 1.00

01:50:33.000 Like, what are you doing? 1.00

01:50:34.000 Like, you gotta take your fucking training seriously. 1.00

01:50:37.000 Fuck out. 1.00

01:50:38.000 It's a part of the sport. 1.00

01:50:39.000 I knock guys out.

01:50:40.000 Sometimes I get knocked out. 1.00

01:50:41.000 You're swinging fucking hammers at each other. 1.00

01:50:44.000 You don't know what you're talking about. 1.00

01:50:45.000 You're fucking with my head. 1.00

01:50:47.000 I've seen all that. 1.00

01:50:48.000 I've seen guys in bad relationships and how their fucking career starts to... 0.99

01:50:52.000 And sometimes they have babies with these chicks. 1.00

01:50:55.000 Forget it. 1.00

01:50:55.000 And then they're fucked. 1.00

01:50:56.000 It's over. 0.99

01:50:57.000 Yeah, we were talking about that yesterday, but like, because you said you're like, I really love that you don't post your girl, like my fiancé, right?

01:51:05.000 And people, I don't know, they probably say this with you too, they're like, it's your choice. 0.98

01:51:11.000 They can't fathom that our ladies don't care about the fucking attention. 1.00

01:51:17.000 They just can't fathom that they might not want to go through the cruelty and scrutiny of the internet when they're not even trying to be famous. 0.99

01:51:24.000 Well, I have friends whose girls get mad if they don't post them. 1.00

01:51:27.000 Bro.

01:51:28.000 They get mad.

01:51:29.000 As if that's the way you show love, by sharing you with a bunch of strangers on the internet.

01:51:34.000 And then they look to see how many likes they got, and then they look to see how many new followers they got on their account.

01:51:39.000 Yeah, that's a problem.

01:51:40.000 After he posted them.

01:51:40.000 That's a problem.

01:51:43.000 Well, it's a weird world today where so many people want attention.

01:51:47.000 Yeah, I'm so fucking lucky in that regard. 0.65

01:51:50.000 She just does not want it at all. 0.74

01:51:53.000 That's beautiful.

01:51:54.000 And she said it really interesting. 1.00

01:51:56.000 She's like, I'm not trying to be famous, so I don't want to deal with the fuck shit that you have to deal with because you're a public figure. 1.00

01:52:04.000 Like, they can make fun of your nose, right? 1.00

01:52:06.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:52:07.000 Say whatever the fuck you want about my nose, say whatever the fuck you want about my fucking hair, whatever it is, but I'm using this and leveraging this to do shows and to do other things. 0.99

01:52:15.000 Right. 1.00

01:52:16.000 She's getting her masters.

01:52:17.000 Right. 1.00

01:52:18.000 She doesn't need you to comment on her fucking body. 1.00

01:52:21.000 Right. 1.00

01:52:21.000 So I think that's the smart decision. 1.00

01:52:23.000 Why take that on?

01:52:24.000 Well, you know that thing opposites attract.

01:52:28.000 Like, sometimes they don't.

01:52:31.000 But sometimes they do.

01:52:32.000 Sometimes it works.

01:52:33.000 So you get one person who's like this loud extrovert and then the person who compliments them is calm and controlled and doesn't need any attention at all and it's just cool just reading a book.

01:52:45.000 Sometimes you're better off with that kind of balance and that they can appreciate that you're different than them.

01:52:52.000 The big thing in relationships is that one person doesn't try to control the other person. 0.99

01:52:58.000 You let that person be who the fuck they are. 0.98

01:53:01.000 The worst relationships that I've ever seen is when someone gets involved with a person and they look at them like a project. 1.00

01:53:07.000 I'm gonna fix you.

01:53:08.000 I'm gonna change the way he dresses.

01:53:09.000 Yeah.

01:53:10.000 Like once one lady, one of my wife's friends, said about me, you let him wear those fanny packs?

01:53:16.000 Let him! 0.99

01:53:18.000 Let him! 1.00

01:53:20.000 I want to talk to your fucking husband. 1.00

01:53:21.000 Let him. 1.00

01:53:22.000 My friend got a gift from his girl, and it was like, those cards.

01:53:28.000 You know, like, this is good, you turn this in, this is good for a back rub, this is good for this.

01:53:32.000 And one of the cards said, this is good for a morning surfing session.

01:53:36.000 And I'm like, you can't decide if you want to go surfing?

01:53:41.000 Yeah, what is that?

01:53:42.000 Why do I have to ask you permission to go surf? 0.99

01:53:45.000 But you know, it's like, here's a blowjob, here's whatever, and you get to put it in. 0.97

01:53:48.000 But the idea that you couldn't just decide if you want to surf that morning. 0.98

01:53:52.000 Yeah.

01:53:53.000 It's a little bit...

01:53:54.000 Yeah.

01:53:56.000 But I don't know.

01:53:58.000 I don't know.

01:53:58.000 How did you...

01:53:59.000 How did you set that up?

01:54:02.000 How do you set up with your wife? 1.00

01:54:05.000 How long have you guys been together?

01:54:07.000 Our vibe together is 100% natural.

01:54:11.000 That's why it works.

01:54:12.000 When do you spend time together?

01:54:13.000 All the time.

01:54:15.000 Today after I get out of here.

01:54:16.000 Okay, so you guys will go?

01:54:17.000 We'll go on a dinner for my birthday.

01:54:18.000 Of course, for your birthday.

01:54:20.000 That's a big one because we have children.

01:54:22.000 We do date nights.

01:54:23.000 Tuesday night is day night.

01:54:25.000 I love them.

01:54:25.000 Can't do it.

01:54:26.000 I sit down, we have a glass of wine.

01:54:28.000 The best.

01:54:29.000 We eat dinner together, we talk and laugh.

01:54:31.000 It makes you closer.

01:54:32.000 It's nice.

01:54:33.000 Phone goes off.

01:54:34.000 Yeah, because we don't travel without the kids, really, very much.

01:54:37.000 Occasionally I'll do like a Vegas, like I'll take her with me to Vegas for the UFC, but that's like one night.

01:54:41.000 I'll fly in Saturday morning, we'll hang out, we'll go to dinner, we'll go to the fights, and then she'll come back with me.

01:54:46.000 But it's like...

01:54:48.000 You gotta enjoy each other's company.

01:54:50.000 And sometimes people don't after a while, and then they stay together, and then they can't wait to get to the golf course. 0.98

01:54:56.000 Just let me get the fuck away. 1.00

01:54:58.000 Let me get away. 1.00

01:54:59.000 Sometimes I feel like there are certain activities that are built around getting away from your wife.

01:55:03.000 Like golf, I think, is getting away from your wife.

01:55:05.000 Ice fishing.

01:55:09.000 No woman wants to do that. 1.00

01:55:13.000 She's not going to go. 1.00

01:55:15.000 We're just inventing activities to get away from our fucking wives. 1.00

01:55:19.000 Bro, she's going to follow me on a golf course? 1.00

01:55:21.000 Where's the pond?

01:55:21.000 Is it frozen over?

01:55:23.000 Oh, that's hysterical.

01:55:26.000 Yeah!

01:55:26.000 What is it?

01:55:27.000 A fantasy football draft.

01:55:29.000 Like, I don't need to be with my boys for a digital event.

01:55:32.000 Dungeons& Dragons.

01:55:33.000 Make it so nerdy that no girl wants to be. 1.00

01:55:35.000 They won't come!

01:55:35.000 They're not even playing Dungeons& Dragons!

01:55:37.000 They're just hanging out drinking Bud Lights!

01:55:39.000 That's hysterical!

01:55:42.000 Oh, what other activities are we doing just to get some free time?

01:55:45.000 Well, some women like hunting, which is really interesting. 1.00

01:55:49.000 One of the things I've found about elk hunting, some guys go hunting with their wives.

01:55:52.000 Yeah.

01:55:53.000 Their wives actually enjoy it. 1.00

01:55:54.000 Yeah.

01:55:55.000 Yeah, I don't know if my...

01:55:57.000 Yeah, maybe my...

01:55:58.000 I don't think a lot of chicks out there ice fishing. 1.00

01:56:00.000 I'm sure there's some, but I think ice fishing might be the one, because girls golf. 1.00

01:56:05.000 Like a buddy of mine and his wife, they golf together.

01:56:08.000 Mmm...

01:56:09.000 But, like, I think that's one of the reasons why guys like to do the business deal thing on the golf course.

01:56:14.000 You know?

01:56:15.000 We're doing business on the golf course.

01:56:17.000 Sorry, babe.

01:56:17.000 There's no way you can come.

01:56:18.000 Yeah.

01:56:19.000 This is business.

01:56:20.000 Do you let your wife come onto your shows? 0.51

01:56:22.000 Yeah, sure. 1.00

01:56:22.000 If you're working out shit in the city. 1.00

01:56:24.000 If she wants to. 0.99

01:56:25.000 Yeah.

01:56:26.000 But she generally... 0.98

01:56:26.000 She likes to come to shows. 0.98

01:56:28.000 But generally, like, I don't have to...

01:56:30.000 There's not, like, a let.

01:56:32.000 Like, whatever she wants to do.

01:56:34.000 Whatever you want to do.

01:56:34.000 I like her.

01:56:35.000 No, I know you like her.

01:56:36.000 I love her.

01:56:36.000 I mean, I should say I love her.

01:56:37.000 She'll go mad. 1.00

01:56:38.000 But I enjoy hanging out with her.

01:56:40.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:56:42.000 She's fun. 0.93

01:56:43.000 We have a good time.

01:56:44.000 I guess there's certain things like, I don't know, like if I'm working stuff out, I kind of like to just be in my own.

01:56:48.000 I don't even like my friends coming to shows if I'm working stuff out.

01:56:50.000 Oh, right, right, right.

01:56:50.000 I know what you're saying.

01:56:51.000 Yeah, like workout spots.

01:56:53.000 That's different.

01:56:55.000 That's a different thing.

01:56:55.000 There's a weird thing where in me like- You need to be in your head before you go up too and look at your notes.

01:57:00.000 You can't be like, do you need a drink?

01:57:01.000 I'm not taking care of her.

01:57:02.000 And I think there's a part of me still which is like, I like impressing her. 1.00

01:57:05.000 Like, this is so stupid. 1.00

01:57:07.000 I know what you're saying. 1.00

01:57:08.000 I'm fucking 37 years old, but sometimes I'll be doing a set and I'll look over and I'll see if she's laughing. 0.99

01:57:13.000 Right. 0.99

01:57:13.000 And I think I like that because I'm like, I want to impress her still. 0.99

01:57:17.000 I want her to find me funny or whatever.

01:57:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:57:20.000 But I'm looking at this like, I've achieved a lot of really cool stuff in my life and there's still this one person in the crowd that I look over and if she's smiling at the joke, I feel corny even fucking saying this, but if she's smiling at the joke, I'm like...

01:57:31.000 But it's not corny.

01:57:33.000 It's normal.

01:57:34.000 But it is true. 0.90

01:57:35.000 I don't know.

01:57:35.000 It's normal.

01:57:36.000 She's dope. 1.00

01:57:37.000 It's normal. 0.74

01:57:37.000 But that's the key. 0.74

01:57:39.000 You found someone that you really enjoy being with.

01:57:41.000 And sometimes people don't. 0.96

01:57:42.000 They settle or they get accustomed to these fucking tumultuous relationships where you're constantly fighting. 0.99

01:57:49.000 That'll fucking ruin anything you're trying to do, man. 0.98

01:57:52.000 You're trying to create things. 0.99

01:57:53.000 You're trying to do a sport. 0.99

01:57:55.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 0.99

01:57:57.000 Yeah, I think my parents had such a good relationship that it almost ruined me because that was the expectation. 1.00

01:58:06.000 You know when your parents are fighting all the time and shit, you're like, oh, as long as I'm just getting there.

01:58:11.000 If I'm fighting a little less than my parents, then this must be a good relationship. 0.92

01:58:14.000 I had a chick who I dated in the past, and her and her father, or her parents, rather, her father and her mother used to fight physically. 0.59

01:58:23.000 They used to hit each other.

01:58:25.000 And that was the first girl that ever took a swing at me.

01:58:28.000 What?

01:58:29.000 Grace.

01:58:30.000 We were in the middle of Italian.

01:58:32.000 It was the last one I dated.

01:58:34.000 This is a culture, Joe.

01:58:34.000 The last one I dated.

01:58:35.000 Joe, it's a culture.

01:58:36.000 They grabbed the face.

01:58:37.000 They kiss.

01:58:39.000 They do it.

01:58:40.000 When you hear your family.

01:58:43.000 Ha! 1.00

01:58:45.000 She took a fucking swing at me. 1.00

01:58:47.000 I saw it coming. 1.00

01:58:48.000 I couldn't believe it while it was coming.

01:58:50.000 This is when I was fighting too.

01:58:53.000 It didn't matter.

01:58:54.000 I saw her hand come back.

01:58:55.000 Whatever was happening.

01:58:56.000 It was not going to get to me in time.

01:58:58.000 I was like, is this really going down?

01:59:01.000 I saw the hand moving towards me.

01:59:03.000 I was like, what?

01:59:05.000 What?

01:59:06.000 Now, what did you say?

01:59:08.000 I clenched.

01:59:10.000 No, no. 1.00

01:59:10.000 What did you say to make her slap the shit out of you? 1.00

01:59:12.000 Probably deserved it. 1.00

01:59:16.000 I was 21. I was stupid as fuck. 1.00

01:59:19.000 But it wasn't even... 1.00

01:59:20.000 It was like I'd never had someone take a swing at me before.

01:59:22.000 Yeah.

01:59:23.000 It was wild.

01:59:24.000 Yeah, you gotta check that kick, bro.

01:59:26.000 Yeah.

01:59:26.000 Because if you check the kick and then just leg snaps, Connor style, that's not on you.

01:59:31.000 You were defending yourself.

01:59:32.000 Good luck proving that in court.

01:59:34.000 She's got a broken leg and she's screaming. 0.99

01:59:36.000 Yeah.

01:59:37.000 I have a friend whose girl scratched herself up and then said to the cops that he attacked her.

01:59:43.000 No.

01:59:44.000 Yeah, she scratched herself up.

01:59:45.000 She started scratching herself up. 0.99

01:59:47.000 And he's like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99

01:59:50.000 How do you get out of it? 0.99

01:59:52.000 I don't remember.

01:59:53.000 I don't remember.

01:59:54.000 I don't remember what happened. 1.00

01:59:56.000 You've heard about those NBA players, NBA, not players, but like the chicks who will take the roofie before they fuck? 1.00

02:00:03.000 Oh, God. 1.00

02:00:04.000 They'll take it themselves.

02:00:06.000 Now it's in their system.

02:00:07.000 Oh, God.

02:00:09.000 Then they go, this guy raving.

02:00:10.000 Well, there are for sure bad people out there, male and female, right?

02:00:14.000 Of course.

02:00:14.000 There are men who roofie women.

02:00:15.000 Of course.

02:00:15.000 I've had multiple friends who someone drops something in their drink.

02:00:19.000 Really?

02:00:19.000 At clubs, yeah, yeah.

02:00:21.000 Where they're like, something's wrong, their friends rescue them, and they get home, they don't remember what the fuck happened. 0.80

02:00:26.000 They're like, somebody put something in your drink.

02:00:27.000 I've had multiple friends tell me this happened. 0.98

02:00:30.000 But- The world of like the NBA world where they're like, you know, these guys are making fucking preposterous amounts of money. 0.95

02:00:41.000 And they have diamond-crusted watches and they're driving on Lamborghinis and there are predators.

02:00:47.000 There are girls that realize, if I can get that guy to knock me up, I have guaranteed income. 1.00

02:00:52.000 I have guaranteed large amounts of money.

02:00:55.000 And it's a real concern.

02:00:56.000 And also the other stuff, like false accusations.

02:01:00.000 You would think that's not real, but there's some people that are willing to do that. 1.00

02:01:04.000 So it's like all this believe all women shit. 1.00

02:01:06.000 Some women steal UPS packages off your porch. 1.00

02:01:09.000 Don't believe them.

02:01:11.000 Okay?

02:01:11.000 Some women are in jail for murder.

02:01:13.000 Some women are in jail for thievery and fucking all kinds of things. 1.00

02:01:18.000 And Ghislaine Maxwell, you gonna believe her? 1.00

02:01:19.000 Yeah.

02:01:20.000 Look at her.

02:01:20.000 She's child trafficking.

02:01:21.000 Yeah, being a piece of shit doesn't have a gender. 1.00

02:01:23.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:01:24.000 And there's some women I think that know how to work successful dudes. 1.00

02:01:27.000 Oh, yeah.

02:01:28.000 Oh, yeah.

02:01:29.000 Stroke their ego.

02:01:30.000 Yeah.

02:01:30.000 Yeah, maybe they'd go to see you and laugh at everything.

02:01:33.000 Like, you look over and she's like, oh my god, Andrew, you're so funny!

02:01:37.000 Yeah.

02:01:37.000 While she's pulling her idea out.

02:01:43.000 She's trying to get knocked up. 1.00

02:01:44.000 Be right there, babe! 0.97

02:01:44.000 She's in there with the tongs. 0.97

02:01:46.000 She's like...

02:01:49.000 For sure.

02:01:51.000 Do you know any guy that's got set up like that before where a girl said she can't get pregnant?

02:01:55.000 Don't worry.

02:01:56.000 Don't worry.

02:01:56.000 I can't get pregnant.

02:01:57.000 I know guys from the league.

02:01:59.000 I have some friends that work in the NBA and they've told me there's specific people that they have to talk to to investigate these things.

02:02:05.000 I know.

02:02:06.000 Because it comes to the team first.

02:02:07.000 Oh, really?

02:02:08.000 Yeah.

02:02:09.000 So, like, they'll go to the team and they'll be like, listen, I have a situation.

02:02:12.000 This girl's saying that, you know, I got her pregnant or this girl's saying a different thing.

02:02:16.000 Oh, so the team knows how to handle it because it's so common?

02:02:18.000 Of course.

02:02:18.000 I mean, you're talking about billion-dollar industries.

02:02:20.000 Like, you're crazy if you don't think billion-dollar industries have fixers.

02:02:24.000 Like, there's so much money.

02:02:25.000 You sign.

02:02:26.000 Like, there's a team of people, I imagine, that make sure... 0.98

02:02:32.000 That there are girls that aren't saying that they are fucking these very famous dudes that are on these teams. 0.98

02:02:38.000 Right. 0.98

02:02:38.000 Because either all of them are faithful. 0.98

02:02:42.000 Right?

02:02:42.000 What did you just say?

02:02:43.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:02:44.000 You okay?

02:02:44.000 Yeah.

02:02:45.000 Or, they're getting some pussy and then people are staying quiet. 1.00

02:02:49.000 You know? 0.98

02:02:49.000 Like they're, I mean, sometimes I'm baffled at like how certain people can manage the side chicks. 0.98

02:02:56.000 Like, I don't think Drake has had one scandal, but we know he's fucked so many girls. 0.97

02:03:04.000 Right, but he's single. 0.98

02:03:05.000 He's single, but at the same time, like, there's not a single girl that's like, I need something.

02:03:09.000 There's not a single girl that's like, yo, like, I could say that you stopped calling me. 1.00

02:03:14.000 I could say you're a piece of shit. 1.00

02:03:15.000 No girl ever says anything bad about this guy. 1.00

02:03:17.000 So he's probably a good guy or he knows how to make an exit.

02:03:24.000 Or he looks like a very strategic dude.

02:03:27.000 Maybe he's picking people and going, okay, this girl knows what time it is. 1.00

02:03:31.000 She doesn't look like a fucking psychopath. 1.00

02:03:33.000 I think a lot of dudes, when they first start getting pussy, and this is the problem with entertainment, is a lot of fucking losers in this shit, and they first start getting some pussy once they get famous. 1.00

02:03:42.000 If you didn't get pussy before you're famous, you're going to be in some shit. 1.00

02:03:46.000 It's not possible. 1.00

02:03:47.000 If you got pussy before you're famous, then pussy is not this, like, crazy thing for you. 1.00

02:03:51.000 And I think that, like, some of those guys who never got any pussy and then they start getting it, I think they resent women a little bit because of it. 1.00

02:03:57.000 Right, because now you like me. 1.00

02:03:59.000 Oh, now you like me. 1.00

02:03:59.000 Where were you when I was in high school and I was a fucking loser getting stuffed into lockers? 1.00

02:04:03.000 And now you don't even believe they like you. 1.00

02:04:05.000 Because why would you?

02:04:06.000 No girl like you before.

02:04:07.000 Right.

02:04:08.000 So now you have that little bit of resentment.

02:04:10.000 You have that massive insecurity because, oh, what happened if I fall off?

02:04:13.000 They're going to stop liking me. 1.00

02:04:14.000 Whereas if you got pussy first, you're like, oh, no, I know how to get laid. 1.00

02:04:17.000 Like, I know how to be charming. 1.00

02:04:18.000 I could go into a bar and maybe strike a conversation. 1.00

02:04:20.000 We got some shit in common. 0.99

02:04:21.000 Okay, we can go hook up or do something. 1.00

02:04:23.000 But that's a different level of insecurity, and that's why you see these fucking scumbags, man. 1.00

02:04:27.000 Yo, there's a lot of weird shit, man. 1.00

02:04:29.000 Like, even with all this... 1.00

02:04:31.000 Like, have you seen all these fucking, like, little, like, child actors that end up doing, like, the fucking pedophile shit? 1.00

02:04:36.000 Or, like, the... 1.00

02:04:37.000 What is it?

02:04:38.000 That guy, um... 1.00

02:04:39.000 What the fuck is that guy? 1.00

02:04:40.000 Drake Bell or some shit like that? 1.00

02:04:42.000 Like... 0.96

02:04:42.000 What's that? 0.96

02:04:43.000 There's this guy.

02:04:44.000 He was from this show, Drake and Josh, or something like that.

02:04:46.000 He just got caught up, like, sending...

02:04:47.000 You know what this is?

02:04:48.000 Like, sending pictures or something.

02:04:49.000 This happened recently.

02:04:51.000 And there's been multiple people.

02:04:52.000 And I'm starting to wonder.

02:04:54.000 I'm like... 0.99

02:04:56.000 Does something happen to you being in fucking Hollywood at a young age? 0.99

02:05:01.000 I think if you get caught in the wrong circles, that's 100% real. 0.99

02:05:06.000 Isn't there a whole documentary about it called An Open Secret?

02:05:10.000 What's this?

02:05:11.000 Isn't that an open secret?

02:05:12.000 That's what it is, right?

02:05:13.000 I think An Open Secret is about child predators in Hollywood.

02:05:18.000 About people that prey on...

02:05:20.000 What if they're not preying on them sexually?

02:05:22.000 What if they're just so abusive to them emotionally? 1.00

02:05:26.000 You have a fucking nine-year-old. 1.00

02:05:27.000 You're like, you need to work 12 hours a day. 1.00

02:05:29.000 Well, you're not skinny enough.

02:05:31.000 Hey, you're gaining too much weight. 0.99

02:05:33.000 And you're going through all this fucked up weird trauma from adults. 0.99

02:05:37.000 You just stop trusting anyone. 0.99

02:05:38.000 I know a guy who was in a movie at a young age, and it was a big movie, and in the movie there was a very emotional scene where his father was supposed to die, and so before the scene, the guy who plays his father started treating him like shit, and saying mean things to him, 0.97

02:05:55.000 and abused him, and before that was like real tight with him. 0.99

02:05:59.000 Was abusing him and saying horrible shit to him and saying that no one likes him. 0.98

02:06:03.000 And so then the scene starts and this kid is like weeping and crying. 0.99

02:06:08.000 And they make him go through with the scene. 0.99

02:06:10.000 See, that's the type of shit and you know that happens. 0.99

02:06:12.000 You know that happens when they're six. 1.00

02:06:13.000 They wanted to do that to get the best performance out of the kid.

02:06:17.000 But the problem was this kid had this sort of mentor relationship with his older actor. 0.99

02:06:22.000 And then the older actor is shitting on him. 0.93

02:06:25.000 Just to make him feel terrible when he goes into this scene. 1.00

02:06:28.000 And they can't decipher, like, the difference between that shit? 1.00

02:06:30.000 He was seven. 1.00

02:06:31.000 Yeah.

02:06:32.000 I mean, even that Haley Joel Osment, you know what I mean?

02:06:34.000 I mean, he seems kind of all right now.

02:06:36.000 Who's that? 0.99

02:06:36.000 The guy from the fucking Ghost movie, whatever, Sixth Sense. 0.99

02:06:39.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:06:41.000 He probably still believes in ghosts.

02:06:43.000 He's six years old.

02:06:45.000 Like, how old was he when he was in a...

02:06:47.000 Like, you're a kid.

02:06:48.000 You don't know what you believe in, what you don't believe in.

02:06:49.000 I believe in Power Rangers.

02:06:50.000 Like, you can believe in anything.

02:06:51.000 And you're telling this kid...

02:06:54.000 You know, he's like a professor at a community college now.

02:06:57.000 Well, I mean, do you see how far you go away from entertainment?

02:07:00.000 Someone told me that. 0.99

02:07:01.000 It's rare these motherfuckers are in it when they're kids and they choose to stay in it. 1.00

02:07:05.000 Right. 1.00

02:07:06.000 Right, like something happens.

02:07:07.000 Something has happened to them. 0.99

02:07:08.000 I'm not saying they're all getting diddled, but something has happened, like what you were describing, like that type of emotional fucking abuse. 0.98

02:07:13.000 And I know there's systems in play and... 0.96

02:07:17.000 Which one, someone that was a child actor that's a professor at a community college now, and someone was telling me about it, and I was like, you know what's interesting?

02:07:26.000 It's like, we think it's sad, but we wouldn't think it's sad if we just knew a guy was a professor at a community college.

02:07:32.000 We'd be like, oh, that's a normal job.

02:07:33.000 I don't think it's sad.

02:07:34.000 No.

02:07:35.000 I just think something happens to them, Joe.

02:07:36.000 I think it's like...

02:07:37.000 Well, here's what happens to them.

02:07:39.000 You're not supposed to get famous when you're a kid.

02:07:41.000 There's no way you're going to develop normally.

02:07:43.000 It's impossible.

02:07:45.000 You're going through... 1.00

02:07:46.000 Look, I've interviewed a few childhood stars and they're all fucked up. 0.99

02:07:50.000 Really? 0.98

02:07:50.000 They're doing their best to get through it. 0.98

02:07:52.000 And a lot of them are like, Miley Cyrus is a really cool person.

02:07:56.000 Yeah.

02:07:56.000 Demi Lovato, a very cool person.

02:07:58.000 I enjoy talking to them.

02:07:59.000 But it's undeniable that that process of being massively famous at a young age fucks your developmental cycle up.

02:08:08.000 Yeah.

02:08:09.000 Because you've got to learn how to deal with people when you're anonymous.

02:08:12.000 You're just a person.

02:08:13.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:08:14.000 You don't want them to treat you like you're something special for no fucking reason. 0.94

02:08:17.000 Yeah, because you don't have to earn that treatment. 0.96

02:08:19.000 Right.

02:08:20.000 Like being kind to a human being, like helping somebody.

02:08:22.000 Yes.

02:08:22.000 You earn that connection.

02:08:24.000 Right.

02:08:24.000 Now you don't have to earn it anymore.

02:08:25.000 You also learn that, oh, if I make people feel good, they feel good, and then I feel good, and that develops a real friendship, and then you You can call on that person, and you have real genuine love with them, and you develop this understanding of human relationships. 0.86

02:08:41.000 But if you're always the fucking Mac Daddy when you're seven years old, and you're the guy on the set, what is this? 0.88

02:08:48.000 Oh, that's right. 0.99

02:08:50.000 That's right.

02:08:50.000 He began his career, and that's right.

02:08:52.000 And now he's a professor at a college.

02:08:55.000 Yeah, I mean, the kid is three years old, and they're like... 1.00

02:08:57.000 That must have been a fuck. 1.00

02:08:59.000 You're in a hotel, it's full with blood, and people are trying to kill you. 1.00

02:09:01.000 At three years old. 1.00

02:09:02.000 And Kubrick, who's a fucking crazy person. 1.00

02:09:06.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:09:06.000 Genius. 1.00

02:09:07.000 Massive, genius, crazy person. 0.99

02:09:09.000 Yeah. 0.84

02:09:10.000 Who used to do complex mathematics in his spare time.

02:09:12.000 That was his little side hobby.

02:09:14.000 Super smart. 1.00

02:09:15.000 I wonder what that shit... 1.00

02:09:16.000 Because I see all these, like... 1.00

02:09:18.000 I see a lot of these celebs right now that come out as non-binary, I think is the term.

02:09:24.000 I might be getting this wrong.

02:09:25.000 Demi Lovato did that and they wrote in an article.

02:09:27.000 It was hilarious.

02:09:27.000 It was after she was on my podcast.

02:09:29.000 All of a sudden, she's a they. 1.00

02:09:31.000 And she said in the article, sometimes they misgender themselves.

02:09:37.000 Again, go to Libs of TikTok. 1.00

02:09:39.000 That page that I showed you on Twitter, it's the best. 0.99

02:09:42.000 It's like the most nonsensical fucking cuckoo talk. 0.99

02:09:46.000 But the non-binary shit, my boy Mark was saying this, he was like, it's the least investment to be different. 1.00

02:09:53.000 Right. 0.99

02:09:53.000 It's the least investment to get like woke points. 0.99

02:09:56.000 At least back in the day when you came out as gay, you had to suck some dicks, man, or you had to fuck guys or something like that. 1.00

02:10:01.000 You had to prove it. 1.00

02:10:02.000 You have to do something.

02:10:03.000 Non-binary is just like, hey guys, I'm part of the community, so you can't say anything bad about me, but I will do absolutely nothing.

02:10:10.000 And guess what?

02:10:11.000 You don't call me she.

02:10:13.000 You know my name. 0.99

02:10:13.000 I'm fucking famous. 0.99

02:10:15.000 It's the least amount of work to get all the victim points. 0.99

02:10:19.000 Like, you just say, I'm non-binary.

02:10:21.000 And what does it mean?

02:10:22.000 You don't change your life at all?

02:10:24.000 I don't know.

02:10:25.000 My gender is male or female.

02:10:26.000 Sometimes I like watching baseball. 0.82

02:10:28.000 Sometimes I like fingering myself.

02:10:29.000 Whatever it is.

02:10:30.000 And the gender changes constantly.

02:10:32.000 Constantly.

02:10:32.000 But there's no investment.

02:10:34.000 So I'm just looking at this shit and I'm just like, yo, are you doing this because you actually feel non-binary? 0.99

02:10:39.000 Are you doing this because it's the most convenient way to get some woke points? 0.99

02:10:43.000 Like, how are you?

02:10:44.000 That's it.

02:10:45.000 It's also very, very self-indulgent.

02:10:48.000 Very self-indulgent.

02:10:49.000 You're acquiring massive amounts of attention.

02:10:51.000 The whole world has to change the way that they refer to you, and you have to change nothing.

02:10:57.000 There was a girl on the libs of TikTok that had beads, different color beads that she would wear that indicated which gender she identified with and how she was feeling, because her gender changed multiple times per day.

02:11:12.000 It's like a mood ring.

02:11:12.000 So she'll wear the beads, different color beads, to let everybody know where she's at.

02:11:17.000 I almost feel like it's like people have social anxiety, and they're just trying to create that for other people.

02:11:22.000 Well, I think it's the culture of the climate today with social media where people indulge this kind of nonsense.

02:11:30.000 So when normal kids would just pretend that they're psychic, now these kids are pretending that they're a million different genders in one day.

02:11:39.000 Yeah.

02:11:40.000 Yeah.

02:11:41.000 It's wild. 0.98

02:11:42.000 I don't fucking know. 0.98

02:11:43.000 How are they going to get through this? 0.99

02:11:45.000 I don't know, man.

02:11:47.000 I don't...

02:11:48.000 Usually capitalism takes its course.

02:11:51.000 But I think Douglas Murray, who's a brilliant guy...

02:11:55.000 The English dude, right?

02:11:56.000 The English guy. 0.89

02:11:57.000 He's very interesting because he's conservative, but he's also gay. 0.99

02:12:01.000 And he fucks people up in debates with logic and reason. 0.97

02:12:05.000 And he's a brilliant writer. 0.60

02:12:06.000 And he wrote...

02:12:08.000 Madness of Crowds, which is a great book about it.

02:12:10.000 But one of the things he said when we were doing a podcast together, he said, at the end of every empire, gender becomes a big subject.

02:12:19.000 And the transitioning of genders and the dissolving of traditional gender roles becomes a big part of the end of every empire. 0.97

02:12:29.000 Whether it's the Romans or the Greeks, they become obsessed with gender.

02:12:33.000 And I'm like, why do you think that is?

02:12:35.000 I don't know if he had an answer, but people that, they think that maybe it's like life is too easy, so they try to look for things to nitpick on.

02:12:46.000 Or what if we're pushing comfort?

02:12:48.000 Like, with luxury comes comfort, right?

02:12:52.000 Alright, maybe there are some people that are confused about this kind of stuff. 0.99

02:12:55.000 I don't know what the fuck it is. 0.94

02:12:56.000 I can't tell you because I don't have it. 0.98

02:12:57.000 But, like, we're just trying to make as many people comfortable as possible, right?

02:13:00.000 We got really comfortable mattresses, sofas.

02:13:03.000 We have, you know, sort of mental illness awareness.

02:13:05.000 We're trying to make as many people feel comfortable in society as we can.

02:13:09.000 And then it pushes towards gender.

02:13:10.000 And maybe people feel more comfortable identifying as one or the other, whatever it is.

02:13:15.000 But I think it's just a function of luxury. 0.99

02:13:17.000 Like, I don't think there's fucking trans bathrooms in a refugee camp. 0.99

02:13:21.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

02:13:22.000 It's just too much going on for you to even focus on that.

02:13:26.000 You're trying to survive.

02:13:27.000 Is there a trans community in North Korea?

02:13:29.000 No, but there was a trans community with Native Americans.

02:13:33.000 And I think Indians too.

02:13:34.000 Don't they have like...

02:13:35.000 India Indians? 0.81

02:13:36.000 Yeah, India Indians. 1.00

02:13:38.000 I think there's like a specific people, like you actually can't be...

02:13:42.000 If they come up and ask you for money, you got to do it.

02:13:45.000 It's just bad luck if you don't do it or something like that.

02:13:48.000 The Thai's, the ladyboys in Thailand is always the best thing. 1.00

02:13:51.000 They're the best.

02:13:52.000 Which is amazing, right?

02:13:53.000 Better looking than the chicks. 0.98

02:13:55.000 Really? 1.00

02:13:55.000 When I was over there, because they put fucking effort in. 1.00

02:13:57.000 I wasn't drunk. 0.99

02:13:58.000 I didn't take any down, but I went around.

02:14:01.000 Look, I was in Singapore.

02:14:02.000 There's a mall.

02:14:03.000 Shane Smith from Vice, one of the episodes that he did, this is when Vice was viled.

02:14:08.000 How much did Vice change, bro? 0.98

02:14:09.000 Vice got fucking neutered. 1.00

02:14:11.000 Dude, they gender switched. 1.00

02:14:13.000 Vice is super woke now.

02:14:14.000 They got bought out.

02:14:14.000 Yeah, they got bought out.

02:14:16.000 They got bought out and then they went super woke.

02:14:19.000 What is this?

02:14:19.000 There you go!

02:14:20.000 How do you say that?

02:14:22.000 Hijra? 0.99

02:14:22.000 H-I-J-R-A. Whoa, did you just do an Indian accent, dude? 0.99

02:14:26.000 Hijra? 0.99

02:14:26.000 Did you just do an Indian accent, bro? 0.99

02:14:28.000 No, I did. 0.81

02:14:29.000 That is racist right there, bro.

02:14:30.000 Really?

02:14:30.000 Oh my god.

02:14:31.000 In the Indian subcontinent, Hijra are eunuchs, intersex people and transgender people. 1.00

02:14:38.000 Also known as Aravani, Aruvani, Jagpapa, or Chakakaka.

02:14:45.000 Okay, that is their version of the libs of TikTok.

02:14:49.000 They have the libs of TikTok out there.

02:14:50.000 They have a bunch of different names for that.

02:14:51.000 But yeah, the Native Americans had it. 0.69

02:14:54.000 Look, it's clearly a thing.

02:14:57.000 Transgender people, it's clearly a real thing.

02:15:00.000 And anybody that says it's not, it's existed throughout history.

02:15:04.000 There's always been people like that.

02:15:05.000 But what Douglas Murray, I think, was saying was that some of them aren't really that.

02:15:11.000 They're just latching on to this need to get attention or to be special or to stand out.

02:15:20.000 Community, too.

02:15:21.000 And to be a victim in a world where there's not that many victims anymore.

02:15:25.000 You're not experiencing real adversity or, you know, real discrimination.

02:15:29.000 So you create discrimination against yourself.

02:15:31.000 And we will believe some things that aren't there.

02:15:33.000 We're capable of doing that.

02:15:34.000 For sure.

02:15:35.000 QAnon.

02:15:36.000 Psychics.

02:15:37.000 Psychics. 0.99

02:15:37.000 Yeah, QAnon's just like conservative trannies. 0.99

02:15:41.000 That's really all they are, right?

02:15:42.000 They're just like, it's okay, I'll believe it, that's fine.

02:15:49.000 I don't know.

02:15:51.000 What happened to those boys?

02:15:52.000 QAnon guys?

02:15:53.000 Yeah, are they around still? 0.99

02:15:54.000 They're all in fucking jails right now, waiting for hearings. 0.99

02:15:56.000 Are they really? 1.00

02:15:57.000 January 6th.

02:15:57.000 Oh, dude.

02:15:58.000 That was legendary. 1.00

02:15:59.000 I don't even blame them for that shit, because if you believe the shit they believe, what took you so long? 1.00

02:16:04.000 Oh, they believe that there's someone... 1.00

02:16:06.000 People that's all lizard.

02:16:06.000 They're drinking baby blood.

02:16:08.000 Why did you wait until that day if you believed that that's what these politicians were doing?

02:16:12.000 If you really, truly believed it with all your heart. 0.99

02:16:16.000 Or you were skeptical and you wanted to be part of a community and it was exciting and we all love learning about new, weird, wild shit. 0.94

02:16:24.000 When we were with Duncan last night and Duncan was like, do you think that there's a black rock underneath Manhattan and that's why the aura? 0.97

02:16:30.000 And I was like...

02:16:31.000 And I was like, yeah.

02:16:32.000 Now that you said it, I believe it.

02:16:34.000 Keep going.

02:16:35.000 Tell me more about this.

02:16:36.000 That's all I care about.

02:16:37.000 Duncan is the best.

02:16:38.000 He's the best.

02:16:39.000 I've just seen him on stage last night. 0.91

02:16:41.000 Killing.

02:16:41.000 Yeah.

02:16:42.000 His skin looks incredible.

02:16:43.000 Yeah, he's healthy.

02:16:44.000 Like, really good.

02:16:45.000 He's eating well.

02:16:46.000 Yeah, he's eating well.

02:16:47.000 Some lotions or anything?

02:16:48.000 I don't know.

02:16:49.000 I'll ask him.

02:16:49.000 Yeah, but it looked really good.

02:16:51.000 But he's happy.

02:16:51.000 He's married.

02:16:51.000 He's got children now.

02:16:53.000 He loves it.

02:16:54.000 He's moving to Austin, too.

02:16:56.000 I know.

02:16:56.000 You're getting them all out of here.

02:16:57.000 I need to have some kids, Joe.

02:16:59.000 Yeah, then you want to move here.

02:17:00.000 Couple years. 1.00

02:17:01.000 Have your fucking babies wander around those assholes in New York. 1.00

02:17:03.000 Dude, I was a baby wandering around with assholes in New York. 1.00

02:17:05.000 Yeah, look what happened. 1.00

02:17:06.000 Bill's character, okay?

02:17:07.000 This is what you need.

02:17:08.000 You need to have kids in struggle. 1.00

02:17:10.000 They need to see fucked up shit, I believe. 1.00

02:17:12.000 You can have them running around a fucking yard over here. 1.00

02:17:14.000 You give me your kids. 1.00

02:17:15.000 I'll take them to New York for a couple weeks.

02:17:17.000 Yeah, give me your kids. 1.00

02:17:17.000 I'll take them pig hunting. 1.00

02:17:19.000 I would actually do that.

02:17:20.000 Yeah, let's go.

02:17:20.000 If it's from the helicopter.

02:17:21.000 Let's go.

02:17:22.000 Yeah.

02:17:22.000 Let's go.

02:17:25.000 I think that's fine.

02:17:26.000 I don't know.

02:17:27.000 Maybe I have a soft spot in my heart for New York, but I just think that like...

02:17:30.000 No, I do too.

02:17:31.000 I love New York, but I don't want to live there.

02:17:33.000 I can understand why people don't want to live there. 0.97

02:17:34.000 And I can only live there because I'm like fucking Bane. 0.95

02:17:36.000 Like I grew up in it, right? 0.97

02:17:37.000 So like all the things that you see on TV, like the people mugging each other and stuff.

02:17:41.000 I was born here.

02:17:42.000 I was born in the darkness, bro.

02:17:44.000 Born in the darkness. 1.00

02:17:46.000 You're not going to fuck me up in New York. 1.00

02:17:47.000 That's my city. 1.00

02:17:47.000 These are my people. 1.00

02:17:48.000 Right. 1.00

02:17:49.000 Like tourists are going to get fucked. 1.00

02:17:50.000 Are you going to stay there forever? 1.00

02:17:52.000 What if it keeps slipping?

02:17:53.000 What if they hire someone worse than de Blasio next?

02:17:55.000 Oh, I'll be in Los Angeles in a couple years, for sure.

02:17:58.000 Really?

02:17:59.000 No, no.

02:17:59.000 Why would you go there?

02:18:00.000 I would go towards warmth.

02:18:01.000 Unless Larry Elder wins.

02:18:02.000 If Larry Elder goes, are you moving back?

02:18:04.000 Well, he actually texted me that.

02:18:07.000 He said if he becomes governor, you're going to want to come back to California.

02:18:10.000 I'm like, maybe in 10 years.

02:18:12.000 There's a reason why Cali, especially LA, exists.

02:18:15.000 Yeah, the weather's amazing.

02:18:16.000 It was a show business hub.

02:18:18.000 But there's too many people, bro.

02:18:19.000 It's a lot of people.

02:18:20.000 Yeah.

02:18:21.000 I don't need the same kind of conflict that you do, that kind of turmoil.

02:18:26.000 But it's in the bits!

02:18:28.000 Yeah.

02:18:29.000 I see it.

02:18:30.000 I'm watching you.

02:18:30.000 Yeah, but I got my own turmoil.

02:18:32.000 It's already inside.

02:18:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:18:33.000 I like quiet.

02:18:35.000 I need quiet. 1.00

02:18:36.000 I don't need these fucking dogs barking all day long in my head. 1.00

02:18:40.000 I need quiet. 1.00

02:18:42.000 I need to calm it down, you know?

02:18:44.000 I found my own mitigation methods.

02:18:47.000 Which is?

02:18:48.000 Strain.

02:18:49.000 I have to exercise.

02:18:50.000 I have to torture myself.

02:18:52.000 I have to get an ice bath for 20 minutes.

02:18:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:18:54.000 I have to do fucked up shit to force my mind to overcome. 1.00

02:18:59.000 I have to overcome. 1.00

02:19:00.000 But my overcoming is like real struggle.

02:19:04.000 I don't need to be annoyed with people.

02:19:06.000 That doesn't mean anything.

02:19:07.000 I don't like that.

02:19:08.000 I need to be close to death. 1.00

02:19:11.000 Either almost get strangled or almost get my fucking head kicked off. 1.00

02:19:16.000 That's my thing. 1.00

02:19:18.000 To find my peace, I have to put myself into horrific scenarios.

02:19:24.000 Yes.

02:19:24.000 Whether it's self-imposed or otherwise.

02:19:26.000 Yes.

02:19:26.000 And the self-imposed ones are my favorites.

02:19:28.000 Because I can choose to do it when I don't have to.

02:19:32.000 Because I don't have to do that. 0.99

02:19:33.000 I can just fucking lay back and eat Cheetos for the rest of my life. 0.99

02:19:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:19:36.000 If I wanted to. 0.99

02:19:37.000 If someone's punching you, you have to survive because they're going to knock your ass out. 0.99

02:19:41.000 But if you're in a fucking ice bath, if you're running, or if you're doing one of these cardio exercises, it's like, I'm deciding to tap out. 0.99

02:19:48.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:19:48.000 You decide if you're a bitch or not. 1.00

02:19:50.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:19:51.000 Yeah, there's a different type of euphoria that comes from that.

02:19:53.000 Exactly.

02:19:54.000 I was working out in Miami with this guy, Jordan, the muscle doc. 0.99

02:19:57.000 He's fucking great. 0.97

02:19:58.000 I love him. 0.98

02:19:58.000 I saw your hands, bro. 0.98

02:19:59.000 Looking pretty good.

02:20:00.000 Oh, thanks, man.

02:20:01.000 Thanks, man.

02:20:01.000 I used to do a little boxing back in the day.

02:20:04.000 You know what I mean?

02:20:04.000 I'm going to have to call out somebody.

02:20:06.000 I'm calling out Ben Shapiro right now on this podcast.

02:20:08.000 Wow.

02:20:09.000 Does he get to keep the yarmulke on when he boxes? 1.00

02:20:10.000 I'm going to pop it right off his fucking head. 0.99

02:20:12.000 But if you're going to fight and you wear a yarmulke, do they let you keep it on? 1.00

02:20:15.000 Rubber band under the chin.

02:20:18.000 It's like a cartoon, dude.

02:20:19.000 One uppercut that's just boop boop.

02:20:25.000 Who do we get to fight?

02:20:27.000 Who do we have celebrity fight? 0.99

02:20:29.000 What about Chris Cuomo?

02:20:32.000 Chris Cuomo's probably still got it.

02:20:34.000 Still got it?

02:20:35.000 Yeah, he's in good shape.

02:20:36.000 Still got what?

02:20:37.000 He's in good shape.

02:20:38.000 He's got some muscles.

02:20:39.000 He's good for a couple minutes.

02:20:40.000 Did you know he got busted using fake weights?

02:20:42.000 No.

02:20:42.000 Yeah, I bought into it.

02:20:44.000 I thought he was just really strong. 0.99

02:20:45.000 That's how dumb I am. 0.94

02:20:48.000 And then a bunch of people pointed out, and then this guy, Derek from MorePlatesMoreDates.com. 0.84

02:20:53.000 I was watching a video of his today.

02:20:54.000 I love that video.

02:20:55.000 I love his channel, rather. 0.83

02:20:57.000 He pointed out, like, there's no fucking way those were real weights because they said 100 pounds on them. 0.76

02:21:02.000 And to, like, pick up a 100-pound weight like it's nothing. 0.96

02:21:04.000 He was like, they're like 40-pound weights disguised as 100-pound weights.

02:21:07.000 Yeah.

02:21:08.000 Which is... 0.98

02:21:09.000 One of the dumbest things you can do and try to pass off fake weights with all these internet sleuths. 0.99

02:21:17.000 They have nothing but time. 0.98

02:21:19.000 They think everything's fake.

02:21:20.000 So they examine everything.

02:21:22.000 What is this?

02:21:23.000 Fitness fighter Andrew Schultz and Mathis Riley from the Chilla Vista student organization.

02:21:28.000 What is this?

02:21:29.000 Schultz serendipitously landed punches to Riley's head.

02:21:32.000 I had a fight in college.

02:21:34.000 A real fight?

02:21:34.000 I mean, it was in a ring.

02:21:36.000 There were some people there.

02:21:37.000 Bringing the fight to a close.

02:21:38.000 Shout out to Duke's Boxing, man.

02:21:40.000 So what was this when you were in college?

02:21:42.000 There's a thing that my university, I went to the University of California, Santa Barbara, they did a thing called- Did they have boxing?

02:21:46.000 They had a fight night.

02:21:47.000 The only time I've ever fought was in front of thousands of people.

02:21:50.000 And it was some frat kid would fight some kid from- It was put on by this frat.

02:21:55.000 From El Barrio?

02:21:56.000 What?

02:21:56.000 From El Barrio.

02:21:57.000 Honestly, yeah.

02:21:58.000 So they would have guys who were actually in like boxing gyms would fight like a guy was in a frat.

02:22:02.000 Oh, I bet they loved that.

02:22:03.000 It was amazing.

02:22:04.000 Because of the guys that would actually work out.

02:22:05.000 Were you in a frat?

02:22:05.000 What were you?

02:22:06.000 No, no, I wasn't a frat. 0.99

02:22:07.000 But I was fighting this other guy who came in with no fucking shoes on. 0.99

02:22:10.000 No shoes? 0.99

02:22:11.000 Yeah, he didn't even start to fight when the bell rang.

02:22:13.000 I was in my corner.

02:22:14.000 He just came at me.

02:22:15.000 Was it the homeless guy with the knife?

02:22:15.000 It was the homeless guy with the knife.

02:22:16.000 And that makes perfect sense.

02:22:17.000 And listen, my bad.

02:22:18.000 I'm sorry I had to embarrass you in front of all those people.

02:22:21.000 He had no shoes on?

02:22:22.000 No, he had no shoes on.

02:22:23.000 And we just had a fight.

02:22:24.000 It was cool.

02:22:25.000 So he boxed with no shoes on?

02:22:26.000 I didn't box.

02:22:26.000 No, he did.

02:22:27.000 He boxed with no shoes on?

02:22:28.000 Yeah, I had the Roy Jones Jr. Jordans.

02:22:30.000 Do you remember when Roy Jones had his own Jordans?

02:22:33.000 Y'all must have forgot.

02:22:35.000 And it was cool, man.

02:22:36.000 I had a fight.

02:22:37.000 I had Roy in here, and there's one thing I want to tell him.

02:22:40.000 I never forgot.

02:22:42.000 I never forgot.

02:22:43.000 What did he say?

02:22:44.000 Oh, man, he loved it.

02:22:45.000 He loves that I give him the props because I was a giant, still am, a giant Roy Jones Jr. fan.

02:22:52.000 Legend.

02:22:52.000 Back in the day, man, when his fights were going on, you were just waiting to see how someone would survive.

02:22:57.000 It wasn't whether or not they're going to beat Roy Jones.

02:22:59.000 It's like, how are you going to survive?

02:23:01.000 How are you going to survive that speed?

02:23:02.000 That athleticism.

02:23:04.000 It's so funny.

02:23:05.000 We had him on a podcast.

02:23:07.000 Did you?

02:23:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:23:08.000 He's really sweet.

02:23:10.000 He's the most approachable.

02:23:11.000 He's a great guy.

02:23:11.000 Yeah, he's a great guy.

02:23:13.000 I was like, did you ever worry about losing something in the ring?

02:23:17.000 Did you ever worry about getting hit and then not walking out there the same?

02:23:20.000 And he goes, I'll be honest with you, Andrew.

02:23:23.000 I never walked in a ring with that much anyway. 0.97

02:23:26.000 And I just fucking burst out laughing. 0.96

02:23:29.000 He was like, I ain't got that much sense. 0.98

02:23:30.000 It is what it is.

02:23:31.000 Well, you know, it's sort of...

02:23:32.000 He's not quite being straight there.

02:23:36.000 Because there was an issue with Gerald McClellan, who was his rival.

02:23:41.000 Gerald McClellan, at the time, was a cronk fighter.

02:23:43.000 And he was one of the elite of the elite. 1.00

02:23:46.000 He was a fucking murderous puncher. 0.99

02:23:48.000 And he had a fight with Nigel Benn. 1.00

02:23:50.000 A famous fight where he fucked Nigel Benn up. 0.98

02:23:53.000 Nigel Benn... 0.96

02:23:54.000 British guy?

02:23:54.000 Yeah.

02:23:54.000 Yes.

02:23:55.000 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

02:23:56.000 An animal. 1.00

02:23:57.000 Such a fucking warrior. 1.00

02:23:58.000 Nigel Benn took all the punches in the first round. 1.00

02:24:00.000 Kronk is Detroit.

02:24:01.000 Emmanuel Stewart.

02:24:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:24:03.000 So Nigel Benn got knocked out of the ring.

02:24:06.000 Out of the ring.

02:24:07.000 Like, lit up in the first round.

02:24:09.000 It is a famous fight, but endured and kept going.

02:24:13.000 And then Nigel Benn wind up starting to land on Gerald because Gerald used to have a brutal weight cut to make 175 pounds.

02:24:20.000 He used to torture himself.

02:24:22.000 And then Nigel winds up catching Gerald McClellan and cracking him.

02:24:27.000 And then McClellan, at one point in the fight, takes a knee.

02:24:31.000 He takes a knee like a standing eight count, but stays down for the ten count.

02:24:35.000 And everybody's like, what is going on?

02:24:37.000 And then the announcers are like, I can't believe he quit.

02:24:40.000 I can't believe he quit.

02:24:41.000 I mean, it was a really crazy scene, man.

02:24:45.000 This is the first round, right?

02:24:46.000 Gerald McClellan, look at him on the right hand side. 1.00

02:24:48.000 A fucking monster, bro. 1.00

02:24:51.000 A power puncher. 1.00

02:24:52.000 I mean, Gerald McClellan fucked everybody up. 0.99

02:24:55.000 Nice long arms. 0.99

02:24:56.000 Oh my god, he was such a puncher.

02:24:58.000 And he was such a KO artist.

02:25:02.000 So, Gerald McClellan takes the 10 count on his knee and the announcers are like, what is going on here?

02:25:09.000 We can't believe this is happening.

02:25:10.000 I can't believe he's quitting.

02:25:11.000 And then collapses.

02:25:12.000 No.

02:25:13.000 And then winds up having bleeding on the brain, and he's never the same again.

02:25:17.000 He's still alive today, but he's blind.

02:25:19.000 He never fought again after this fight.

02:25:21.000 This was it.

02:25:22.000 If you go further in the round...

02:25:25.000 This is the end, where Gerald McClellan is, he's still swinging, but Nigel Benn is still there, man. 0.89

02:25:31.000 And Nigel Benn was a really, really fucking tough guy, and a fantastic puncher.

02:25:37.000 And he eventually got to Gerald, and Gerald wore out, and then when he took that knee, he collapsed in his corner afterwards. 0.94

02:25:48.000 See, this is like, see, go to where he collapses.

02:25:54.000 Let's see it here.

02:25:55.000 Like, look, he's not feeling it.

02:25:57.000 Like, something's going on.

02:25:58.000 And he had bleeding on his brain.

02:25:59.000 And Nigel Brennan is just cracking him, teeing off on him.

02:26:03.000 And you can see Gerald is like, he's trying to endure.

02:26:06.000 Survive it.

02:26:07.000 See, right there.

02:26:08.000 So he takes it, he takes a knee, and look at it, he's holding his head.

02:26:12.000 He's trying to deal.

02:26:13.000 So he takes a 10 count.

02:26:15.000 And he doesn't get up.

02:26:18.000 And everybody was freaking out.

02:26:19.000 Like, how is he not getting up?

02:26:23.000 And so Nigel Benn's like, yeah!

02:26:25.000 So Jerry McClellan goes back to his corner, he can barely walk, and then he collapses. 0.99

02:26:29.000 And it was a huge tragedy because they were always setting up this fight with Roy Jones Jr. Roy Jones Jr. was the fucking man. 1.00

02:26:37.000 He was the fucking man. 0.99

02:26:39.000 And Roy Jones Jr. had this one rival who was also very dangerous. 1.00

02:26:44.000 And I think they fought the amateurs as well.

02:26:46.000 Gerald McClellan.

02:26:47.000 I just remember Tony being this big rival for Roy. 0.99

02:26:50.000 Yeah, but Roy fucked him up. 0.96

02:26:52.000 And James Toney was terrifying back then. 0.97

02:26:55.000 Oh my God.

02:26:55.000 People forget.

02:26:56.000 Oh my God, he was so good.

02:26:57.000 He was so good.

02:26:58.000 He was so good.

02:26:59.000 And stylistically, he was so interesting.

02:27:01.000 He'd stand right in front of you.

02:27:02.000 He had this great head movement.

02:27:04.000 Really, before Floyd, I mean, obviously this is an older style, but that ability to shoulder roll.

02:27:10.000 And he was just terrifying.

02:27:11.000 And he was so big.

02:27:13.000 Like, I think later in his career, what did Tony fought?

02:27:15.000 Heavyweight.

02:27:15.000 Even up to heavyweight.

02:27:16.000 Knocked out Holyfield.

02:27:17.000 That's right.

02:27:19.000 Knocked out Holyfield as a heavyweight.

02:27:20.000 So he was cutting to get down.

02:27:22.000 He weighed 168 when he fought Roy Jones, and then he knocked out Holyfield as a heavyweight.

02:27:26.000 Oh, look at Roy, man.

02:27:27.000 But when Roy beat James Toney, that was like his first big test.

02:27:31.000 That was unbelievable.

02:27:32.000 Because everybody was like, see, both of them are like 26, 25. Look at that.

02:27:35.000 Whoa.

02:27:37.000 Amazing.

02:27:38.000 Amazing fight.

02:27:39.000 Do you ever think about...

02:27:40.000 I was watching Connor with his leg snap, and I'm like...

02:27:46.000 Is this going to happen to more guys?

02:27:49.000 Are we going to see more of this?

02:27:50.000 100%.

02:27:51.000 Okay.

02:27:51.000 Yeah, we've seen so many of them.

02:27:53.000 Of course it's going to keep happening.

02:27:55.000 Chris Weidman, Anderson Silva.

02:27:57.000 And you can go back down the line.

02:27:59.000 And why?

02:27:59.000 Corey Hill was the first one I ever saw.

02:28:02.000 No one had seen that before.

02:28:04.000 I'd only seen it on video.

02:28:06.000 I'd never seen it in real life.

02:28:08.000 When he threw a kick and the opponent checked it.

02:28:11.000 I forget who he's fighting. 0.99

02:28:12.000 And it snapped his fucking leg in half. 0.99

02:28:15.000 And the referee didn't realize it. 0.99

02:28:16.000 And so he went down and the referee hadn't noticed it.

02:28:21.000 And the other guy was beating him up and I got up and I was yelling.

02:28:25.000 I took my headphones off and I was yelling, stop the fight!

02:28:29.000 Stop the fight! 0.99

02:28:30.000 But it's like, I don't know if the ref could even hear me because it's a crowded arena and now he's down and the other fighters pounding on him.

02:28:37.000 So I was like, see who was fighting him.

02:28:39.000 I'm trying to remember who was fighting.

02:28:41.000 Corey Hill, leg break.

02:28:43.000 I just wonder.

02:28:45.000 It's like you see it happening more and more and then with the leg kicks seeming to play more of a role.

02:28:52.000 It's going to happen.

02:28:55.000 We've seen it happen so many times.

02:28:57.000 It happened with Anderson Silva.

02:28:59.000 It happened with Chris Weidman.

02:29:01.000 Legs breaking, arms breaking.

02:29:03.000 It's part of the sport.

02:29:05.000 It's gonna happen.

02:29:06.000 I've gotten into it.

02:29:07.000 I was a boxing purist.

02:29:09.000 Have you been live?

02:29:10.000 To an MMA fight in Miami.

02:29:14.000 In the Hilton, it was like a small local one.

02:29:18.000 And I'm telling you, this pains me to even admit it because I'm just such a big boxing fan.

02:29:24.000 But in order to really appreciate boxing, you kind of need to understand the sport.

02:29:28.000 It's like jujitsu or one of those things.

02:29:31.000 I don't really get it.

02:29:32.000 I don't know enough.

02:29:33.000 You know what I mean?

02:29:34.000 But I'm sure if I knew a lot, I'd notice every little bit of nuance.

02:29:37.000 It's almost like soccer.

02:29:38.000 You know how they can appreciate not scoring?

02:29:40.000 The whole thing is almost scoring.

02:29:41.000 You're like, ooh, that was a good almost score.

02:29:45.000 But when I see MMA, I can watch two guys I don't even know.

02:29:51.000 Never heard of them once.

02:29:53.000 It is by far the most engaging fight sport.

02:29:57.000 Because you don't even need to know the guys.

02:29:59.000 Dale Hart.

02:30:00.000 Dale Hart and I got hammered one night in the bar.

02:30:03.000 Oh, my God.

02:30:04.000 Before or after?

02:30:06.000 Oh, after.

02:30:07.000 After that.

02:30:08.000 But this was the first time...

02:30:10.000 Dale showing a lot of head a little bit.

02:30:11.000 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

02:30:14.000 Oh, God.

02:30:15.000 They're still scrambling.

02:30:17.000 And he's not tapping?

02:30:19.000 Oh, God, that's gnarly, dude.

02:30:22.000 Yeah, look at his leg.

02:30:24.000 So I... You didn't hear it.

02:30:31.000 Oh, his legs broken!

02:30:34.000 Oh, stop, stop! 0.98

02:30:40.000 Yeah, that's just gnarly dude. 0.99

02:30:46.000 I've seen so many people get fucked up. 0.99

02:31:00.000 Are you immune to it? 1.00

02:31:02.000 I'm a little numb to people getting injured, for sure.

02:31:06.000 There's no way...

02:31:07.000 You know, I've talked about this before, but if you looked at all of human history, the amount of people that have seen people get the fuck beaten out of them, I am in the upper, like, 1% in all of time.

02:31:19.000 Yeah, you and, like, Genghis Khan. 0.95

02:31:20.000 Well, he's seen people get fucked up in a different way. 0.97

02:31:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:31:23.000 That's chopped their legs off and light them on fire and use them on a catapult, like... 0.99

02:31:28.000 Have you ever listened to Dan Carlin's Hardcore History?

02:31:32.000 No.

02:31:32.000 Listen to me, man.

02:31:34.000 Wrath of the Khans. 0.99

02:31:35.000 It's a five-part series on Hardcore History about Genghis Khan, and it is fucking amazing. 0.89

02:31:44.000 It's amazing.

02:31:45.000 I was obsessed with Genghis Khan for like three years after this.

02:31:49.000 Why, why?

02:31:49.000 He killed 10% of the population on Earth.

02:31:52.000 That's a lot.

02:31:52.000 He and his people killed so many people, they changed the carbon footprint of human beings.

02:31:58.000 No.

02:31:58.000 Yeah.

02:31:59.000 They killed 50 million people at a time where there weren't that many people.

02:32:03.000 There was probably 500 million people on all of Earth.

02:32:06.000 He killed 50 million people during his time.

02:32:09.000 There's a story about this guy that was traveling to China.

02:32:14.000 He was...

02:32:15.000 I forget what...

02:32:17.000 It was some...

02:32:20.000 Some Arab nation. 0.99

02:32:22.000 And they were traveling to China to meet and see if they could do business and do some trading and shit and see what it was like. 0.97

02:32:31.000 And as he got close, he saw what he thought was a snow-capped mountain in the distance. 0.93

02:32:37.000 And as they got closer, they realized that it was a pile of bones and that Genghis Khan and his warriors had come in in Jin China.

02:32:47.000 They killed everyone.

02:32:49.000 They killed a million people and stacked their bodies on top.

02:32:54.000 And they had abandoned the road along the way because there were so many rotting corpses in the road that the wheels were sinking into the muck and they couldn't travel.

02:33:05.000 This was...

02:33:06.000 I forget who it was.

02:33:08.000 I'm trying to remember.

02:33:13.000 The Shah of... 0.96

02:33:14.000 The Shah of some way. 0.86

02:33:16.000 See, he slaughtered every person there.

02:33:19.000 By some estimates, 1,748,000 people were killed.

02:33:22.000 Jesus Christ.

02:33:22.000 They were beheaded and their skulls were piled into pyramids.

02:33:26.000 A request by Genghis Khan's daughter to ensure that no one got away with a simple wounding.

02:33:31.000 What compelled him?

02:33:33.000 Was it religion? 1.00

02:33:35.000 He was a fucking conqueror, man. 1.00

02:33:38.000 But what is the motivation? 1.00

02:33:41.000 Are you doing this for God?

02:33:42.000 What is the purpose?

02:33:44.000 His name was Timogen, right?

02:33:46.000 And he was...

02:33:47.000 From the time he was young, he grew up with these...

02:33:53.000 These people that lived in this area of Mongolia where it was just a hard place to live.

02:34:01.000 Just hard people.

02:34:03.000 And he killed his own brother when he was a young boy because his brother was stealing fish from him.

02:34:09.000 And so him and his other brother, they ambushed the older brother and lit him up with arrows.

02:34:15.000 And the mother was furious at him.

02:34:17.000 But that was like from the time he was little, he was a murderer.

02:34:20.000 Yeah.

02:34:20.000 I'm just curious, like, what inspires somebody to do that?

02:34:23.000 I understand, like, inspiration from God, right?

02:34:27.000 I think it's the time.

02:34:29.000 I need to expand.

02:34:31.000 People were brutal murderers back then.

02:34:33.000 It was normal.

02:34:34.000 And the way they lived.

02:34:36.000 They also had, like, extreme disdain for anyone who lived in houses.

02:34:40.000 They all lived in tents.

02:34:42.000 They lived in these felt tents.

02:34:44.000 And they were nomads.

02:34:45.000 And they traveled. 1.00

02:34:46.000 And they would, you know, pack up their shit and move. 0.99

02:34:49.000 So that was just their thing to do. 0.99

02:34:50.000 Yeah, that was the thing.

02:34:51.000 That 1.7 million people he killed was because his son-in-law was killed.

02:34:55.000 Wow.

02:34:56.000 By an arrow.

02:34:57.000 That's a different one.

02:34:59.000 He did this multiple times, by the way.

02:35:01.000 But Jin China is the one where it was the Shah, the Khwarizmian Shah. 0.88

02:35:06.000 That's who it was.

02:35:07.000 Uh-huh.

02:35:07.000 And this guy on the way there, he sees something in the distance.

02:35:11.000 Oh, look at that snow-covered mountain.

02:35:13.000 Nope.

02:35:13.000 Pile of bones.

02:35:14.000 A million people dead.

02:35:16.000 Stacked on top of each other.

02:35:18.000 He did it multiple times.

02:35:19.000 During his time, during his lifetime, they killed more than 50 million people.

02:35:24.000 I mean, just think about this.

02:35:25.000 A million people, right?

02:35:27.000 Stacked on top of each other.

02:35:28.000 Will you meet a million people in your life?

02:35:30.000 I think I already have.

02:35:31.000 You've shook hands with a million people?

02:35:32.000 No.

02:35:33.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:35:35.000 A million is so much.

02:35:36.000 Yeah, it's a lot.

02:35:37.000 It's a thousand thousand.

02:35:39.000 A thousand thousand.

02:35:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:35:41.000 You have to murder and then place- Their bodies. 0.99

02:35:44.000 In the same place. 0.89

02:35:45.000 When in human history are there a million people together?

02:35:48.000 Now we have cities, but back then- This is how wild they were.

02:35:51.000 There was talk that on some of these campaigns, when they would run out of food, they would decide who they were going to kill out of their soldiers and then eat them.

02:36:03.000 And that's how they fed the rest of their troops.

02:36:05.000 So do you think this guy is a psychopath? 0.98

02:36:08.000 Oh, for sure.

02:36:09.000 But everybody was back then.

02:36:11.000 The standards of the time were different.

02:36:13.000 Like murder was commonplace.

02:36:15.000 Seeing people get their legs cut off and seeing people get slaughtered.

02:36:19.000 But he was exceptionally cruel.

02:36:21.000 And one of the things that they would do with people that they captured was they would light their bodies on fire and use them as catapults.

02:36:27.000 And launch their flaming bodies onto the roofs of these, because they had thatched roofs in these buildings. 0.97

02:36:34.000 And they would light their buildings on fire with flaming bodies.

02:36:37.000 Dude, I'm telling you this, this Dan Carlin, he's got an amazing podcast.

02:36:43.000 It's called Hardcore History.

02:36:44.000 It's one of the best podcasts.

02:36:46.000 To call it a podcast is unfair.

02:36:48.000 Because it's a documentary. 1.00

02:36:49.000 Because assholes like you and me, we do podcasts. 1.00

02:36:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:36:51.000 This guy doing research. 1.00

02:36:52.000 What he does is like, it's an oral... 0.92

02:36:56.000 An oral presentation of historical events in an incredibly theatrical way.

02:37:02.000 It's amazing.

02:37:03.000 Do you ever think about if you could go back in history and just be a voyeur?

02:37:07.000 I would like to do that.

02:37:08.000 I would love to have seen that time.

02:37:10.000 That's the time?

02:37:11.000 To me, what it's like when these people would just ransack a city and light everything on fire and slaughter everyone. 0.99

02:37:18.000 Slaughter everyone.

02:37:19.000 It's one of those things that you hear these stories and you're like, So much of the development of successful countries is geography.

02:37:27.000 If you didn't have some water between you and Genghis Khan, it was over. 0.84

02:37:32.000 It was over. 0.98

02:37:33.000 So you look at what we call the first world, it's like, how much of that shit is literally just mountain range, water? 0.99

02:37:40.000 Luck. 0.99

02:37:42.000 It's luck!

02:37:43.000 Yeah, a lot of luck.

02:37:44.000 English people dominating the world is luck. 1.00

02:37:47.000 Well, look at Afghanistan. 0.99

02:37:49.000 Explain fucking Afghanistan to me. 1.00

02:37:51.000 First of all, Afghanistan is rich in resources. 1.00

02:37:54.000 Rich in lithium, natural gas.

02:37:56.000 It's a very valuable place to control.

02:37:58.000 So this is why everybody's been beefing over Afghanistan forever.

02:38:00.000 Exactly.

02:38:00.000 That's why Russia tried to conquer them, and then we armed the...

02:38:06.000 Kurds, right?

02:38:08.000 Yeah.

02:38:08.000 No, it was the...

02:38:09.000 What the fuck would... 0.99

02:38:13.000 What did they call themselves back then? 0.99

02:38:15.000 What were the Afghanis back then?

02:38:17.000 Before they became the Taliban, they were... 0.99

02:38:21.000 God, I fucking had a mental blank. 0.98

02:38:24.000 So maybe afterwards it was the Kurds, but I know at a certain point in time... 0.99

02:38:27.000 Yeah, that's different, though.

02:38:29.000 That's a different part of...

02:38:30.000 I mean, there are Kurds, and the Kurds were a different part.

02:38:34.000 I'm trying to think of the religion... 0.99

02:38:38.000 Goddammit. 0.99

02:38:39.000 Sunnis?

02:38:40.000 No, no, no, no.

02:38:40.000 Hold on.

02:38:41.000 I'm not going to do it.

02:38:42.000 It's not going to work.

02:38:43.000 I can't remember.

02:38:44.000 But when we armed them, when they were fighting against the Russians, we helped them.

02:38:54.000 And we supported them.

02:38:56.000 And then, in turn, what we tried to do is we tried to control and stop Russia from taking over. 0.71

02:39:05.000 So we armed their freedom fighters, and then the CIA trained Osama bin Laden, and he worked for us, and then eventually decided that we're the devil, and then turned sides.

02:39:17.000 But it's all about resources.

02:39:20.000 We're not that concerned with that area.

02:39:22.000 Otherwise, we'd be in North Korea.

02:39:23.000 If we're really worried about human rights, we'd be in North Korea. 0.99

02:39:27.000 What is the fucking... 0.99

02:39:29.000 Thank you. 0.99

02:39:31.000 Mujahideen.

02:39:31.000 Yeah, so we armed the Mujahideen, and they later became the people that fought against the United States.

02:39:38.000 They later became the Taliban.

02:39:41.000 And they're running it back now.

02:39:43.000 Well, now they're retaking over Afghanistan because we're pulling out, and it's a disaster, a horrific disaster.

02:39:50.000 Yeah.

02:39:51.000 And this is what all the Special Forces guys have always warned against.

02:39:55.000 There's like, the moment you pull out, they're going to kill all the people that helped us, and then they're going to take over the country.

02:40:00.000 So then what is the solution to that?

02:40:02.000 Well, guys like Evan Hafer said that having all those troops in there is not the way to go. 0.96

02:40:08.000 That really, with a trained group of commandos, they could go in there and fuck shit up in a much more precise and tactical way and take care of situations. 0.99

02:40:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:40:19.000 But... 0.99

02:40:21.000 When you want to get all tinfoil hat, here's what happens.

02:40:25.000 I love it.

02:40:25.000 When you get real tinfoil hat, there's people that say, listen, the military-industrial complex wants conflict because that's the only way they're going to make money.

02:40:32.000 And when it seems ridiculous that we're over in a country wasting money and putting soldiers' lives at risk, it doesn't make any sense why we're there.

02:40:40.000 Yeah.

02:40:40.000 So what you do is you back out and you let these people regroup and you let them try to take over again.

02:40:49.000 I guess we got to go back.

02:40:50.000 I guess we got to go back.

02:40:51.000 And then they maybe do something and attack us.

02:40:54.000 Maybe we let it happen.

02:40:56.000 Maybe we let planes fly into the World Trade Center. 0.65

02:40:58.000 That's the real tinfoil hat people.

02:41:01.000 Again, ladies and gentlemen, this is not me.

02:41:03.000 But the real tinfoil hat people, they believe that this is the reason why we're involved in these little, like you sacrifice your rook, right?

02:41:11.000 And then you bring in the queen. 1.00

02:41:13.000 And start fucking shit up. 1.00

02:41:14.000 And that is... 1.00

02:41:15.000 If you are the military industrial complex, and you make untold trillions of dollars over decades and decades, fucking shit up all over the world... 1.00

02:41:26.000 Peace is your greatest enemy. 1.00

02:41:28.000 Yeah.

02:41:28.000 You don't want that.

02:41:29.000 Yeah, peace.

02:41:30.000 You lose a lot of money during peace.

02:41:32.000 And for soldiers...

02:41:33.000 They become very conflicted because they do realize that in order to protect the freedom over here, you do have to engage with the enemy over there.

02:41:41.000 But then you get guys like Schmedley Butler, who in the 1930s wrote a book called War is a Racket.

02:41:47.000 It was a paper, actually.

02:41:49.000 And his paper was detailing all of his campaigns that he's involved with, that he thought he was doing the right thing to defend freedom, but really he was making things safe for bankers, and he talked about it in great detail.

02:42:04.000 Schmedley Butler wrote that in, what was it, 1935, War is a Racket.

02:42:10.000 It's an amazing piece of historical reference, because this guy was writing about this.

02:42:18.000 Almost 100 years ago.

02:42:20.000 That's it.

02:42:21.000 I spent 33 years in active military service, and during that period of time, I spent most of my time as a high-class muscle man for big business, for Wall Street, and the bankers.

02:42:31.000 In short, I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism.

02:42:35.000 Schmedley Butler.

02:42:36.000 That's the thing that's weird.

02:42:37.000 I've been trying to understand money.

02:42:39.000 Again, I'm a complete baboon when it comes to it, but the more I start to understand, it's not exactly this supply and demand thing.

02:42:46.000 I thought it was just supply and demand.

02:42:48.000 I thought that's what it was.

02:42:49.000 It's a little bit of that.

02:42:50.000 It's a little bit of it, but there's still this ability to operate on debt.

02:42:54.000 And the interesting thing about war, from what I was reading, is that when there's a war, there's an endless supply of lending, because you can't go broke during a war.

02:43:04.000 You just keep on printing, because if we don't win this, we lose everything.

02:43:08.000 And as long as there's money in circulation, as long as there's liquidity, The way that this was explained to me by this guy, James Weissman, I think his name is, but he was just like, printing money doesn't necessarily devalue the money.

02:43:20.000 What will fuck up our economy is if we stop spending.

02:43:23.000 We need to keep moving.

02:43:24.000 We're like a shark.

02:43:25.000 You need to keep swimming.

02:43:26.000 That's how you breathe.

02:43:27.000 You swim.

02:43:27.000 So give people money.

02:43:28.000 Let them buy some fucking TVs at Best Buy. 1.00

02:43:30.000 Let them go out to eat. 1.00

02:43:31.000 Let them do these things.

02:43:32.000 We'll keep going.

02:43:34.000 Letting it grind to a halt is the problem.

02:43:36.000 And I wonder if, like, I look at all these conflicts and I'm like, okay, war, I guess it's just unlimited spending.

02:43:41.000 And I look at, like, the places that we're having war, which seems so peculiar.

02:43:45.000 And I'm like, I think there is a spending component, but I also think it's an oil component. 0.57

02:43:49.000 It's like, are we trying to create conflict so motherfuckers can't make, like, an oil pipeline so they're dependent on, like, us to get oil to different parts of the world? 0.83

02:43:58.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:43:59.000 I mean, I just think that there's a lot of, like, high-level chess going on in these types of situations and, like, The more I dig into it, like the sadder I fucking get about it, you know, because...

02:44:10.000 I don't know if sad is the right word, but the more depressing it is.

02:44:13.000 Because I know that there's people out there risking their lives because they're like, I need to save America and I'm willing to die.

02:44:19.000 I'm willing to not be with my family.

02:44:21.000 I'm willing to really risk it all.

02:44:23.000 Yeah.

02:44:23.000 And then you look into what they may be risking it for.

02:44:26.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:44:27.000 There's a lot of virtuous risks as well.

02:44:29.000 But sometimes you look into it and you're like, hey, that ain't fair, bro.

02:44:32.000 Right.

02:44:33.000 It's not fair.

02:44:34.000 They use those people as pawns.

02:44:35.000 Yeah.

02:44:36.000 Yeah, they use them as pawns.

02:44:37.000 They use them as pawns on a giant global chess game that's about controlling resources.

02:44:41.000 And that's what Afghanistan's always been about. 1.00

02:44:44.000 It's been about controlling resources. 0.92

02:44:48.000 I mean, I'm sure it's also been about stopping fundamentalist psychopath terrorists.

02:44:55.000 But is that the excuse to control the resources?

02:44:57.000 Depends on who you're talking to. 0.95

02:44:58.000 If you're talking to soldiers, they're trying to stop the fundamentalist psychopath terrorists. 1.00

02:45:02.000 These motherfuckers are stealing 12-year-old girls. 1.00

02:45:05.000 They're fucking raping them. 1.00

02:45:06.000 They're making them sex slaves. 1.00

02:45:07.000 They're going out there to stop that. 0.99

02:45:08.000 But the bankers are going, oh, there's new fundamentalists?

02:45:11.000 Are they operating on land with oil?

02:45:13.000 We like this.

02:45:14.000 When you get the Dick Cheneys of the world involved, things get very murky. 0.99

02:45:18.000 So that's the thing that I'm curious about these motherfuckers, right? 1.00

02:45:22.000 Like, who's making these decisions, man? 0.99

02:45:25.000 I don't want to go...

02:45:26.000 We're never going to find out. 0.99

02:45:27.000 The only way we're going to find out is we're going to put on the fucking robes and go to Bohemian Grove. 1.00

02:45:31.000 You got the fucking shirt. 1.00

02:45:33.000 I got the shirt. 1.00

02:45:33.000 You're ready to go. 1.00

02:45:36.000 Next time I go to eat with Alex Jones, I will.

02:45:38.000 You have to do it.

02:45:39.000 But isn't there part of you before you go, Joe, like, old man?

02:45:42.000 Me? 1.00

02:45:42.000 Don't you wish you could go into a room and motherfucking... 1.00

02:45:45.000 Right before, like, day before you die, you're fucking 102 years old, day before you die, don't you want someone to bring you into a room? 1.00

02:45:50.000 Yeah, with a suicide vest. 1.00

02:45:51.000 That's it. 1.00

02:45:51.000 And then you fuck, done. 1.00

02:45:52.000 Boom. 1.00

02:45:53.000 And blow them all up, but at least you fucking knew. 1.00

02:45:55.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:45:56.000 I wonder how compartmentalized it all is. 0.98

02:45:59.000 I wonder how many people actually know horrific shit that their corporations or their business is involved with. 0.99

02:46:07.000 And this is the shit that Eisenhower tried to warn us about. 1.00

02:46:09.000 Wow, what did he say? 1.00

02:46:10.000 Did you never see that video?

02:46:11.000 No.

02:46:11.000 You need to see this.

02:46:12.000 Pull up, Eisenhower, upon leaving office, We're going to grab your headphones because you need to hear this whole thing.

02:46:18.000 Upon leaving office, Eisenhower gave one of the most chilling speeches that any...

02:46:25.000 In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex.

02:46:37.000 You've got a Bernie Sanders one here, bro.

02:46:40.000 I was trying to find the shortest one so it doesn't apply a bunch of other stuff.

02:46:42.000 It is from the National Park.

02:46:45.000 I come to you with a message of leave-taking and farewell.

02:46:48.000 The speech did not get very much attention.

02:46:50.000 When a new president is coming to power...

02:46:52.000 Okay. 1.00

02:46:54.000 Unfortunately, there's a lot of assholes who want to talk over Eisenhower. 0.99

02:46:57.000 So this is the end of his term? 1.00

02:46:59.000 Yeah.

02:47:00.000 Yeah, that's it.

02:47:01.000 You got it, Jamie?

02:47:02.000 Okay.

02:47:03.000 Throughout his term, he was a famous general. 1.00

02:47:10.000 Eisenhower was the fucking man. 0.95

02:47:12.000 And upon leaving, and this is 61, so it's post-World War II, that was ended 13 years ago or so, and he recognized that the military-industrial complex was looking for conflicts so they could make money. 0.99

02:47:28.000 And he was trying to warn the American people about this. 0.97

02:47:31.000 So imagine this guy's leaving office, and for him, the most important thing to say to the American people is you have to be fucking careful. 0.97

02:47:39.000 Before you press play? 0.93

02:47:41.000 Yeah.

02:47:43.000 He's not remembered with rose-colored glasses.

02:47:46.000 No.

02:47:46.000 Or lenses or whatever that expression is.

02:47:48.000 He's kind of remembered poorly. 0.99

02:47:50.000 They kind of shit on his presidency. 1.00

02:47:51.000 And I wonder if that's what the fuck they do to the people that question the authority, the people that are really in charge. 1.00

02:47:57.000 Any president that pushes back against these powers that be, I wonder if they just shit on them in the history books. 0.99

02:48:03.000 Is Eisenhower remembered poorly? 0.92

02:48:04.000 He's not remembered well.

02:48:06.000 Really?

02:48:06.000 He's not remembered as this heroic savior or anything.

02:48:08.000 I mean, I can't name a single fucking thing Eisenhower did. 0.96

02:48:12.000 I mean, didn't Eisenhower read us through the war? 0.99

02:48:15.000 I don't want to do the whole, as a president, I don't want to do the whole, like, we go against the fucking banks and shit, or the Fed, but what is his face that took out the Fed? 0.99

02:48:24.000 What is his name? 0.99

02:48:24.000 Jackson? 0.99

02:48:25.000 Yeah.

02:48:25.000 Jackson's just remembered as a racist.

02:48:27.000 That's his only, but he also took out the Fed.

02:48:30.000 Right.

02:48:31.000 Listen to this.

02:48:35.000 Programs.

02:48:37.000 Balance between our essential requirements.

02:48:40.000 Yeah, bring it from the beginning.

02:48:42.000 Throughout America's adventure in free government, our basic purposes have been to keep the peace, to foster progress in human achievement, and to enhance liberty, dignity, and integrity among peoples and among nations.

02:48:56.000 Progress toward these noble goals is persistently threatened by the conflict now engulfing the world.

02:49:03.000 It commands our whole attention, absorbs our very beings, global in scope, atheistic in character, Ruthless in purpose and insidious in method.

02:49:15.000 Unhappily, the danger it poses promises to be of indefinite duration.

02:49:21.000 To meet it successfully, there is call for not so much the emotional and transitory sacrifices of crisis, but rather those which enable us to carry forward steadily, surely, and without complaint, the burdens of a prolonged and complex struggle With liberty,

02:49:41.000 the stake.

02:49:42.000 Crises there will continue to be.

02:49:45.000 In meeting them, whether foreign or domestic, great or small, there is a recurring temptation to feel that some spectacular and costly action could become the miraculous solution to all current difficulties.

02:49:59.000 But each proposal must be weighed in the light of a broader consideration.

02:50:04.000 The need to maintain balance in and among national programs.

02:50:10.000 Balance between our essential requirements as a nation and the duties imposed by the nation upon the individual.

02:50:18.000 Balance between actions of the moment and the national welfare of the future.

02:50:24.000 Good judgment seeks balance in progress.

02:50:27.000 Lack of it eventually finds imbalance and frustration.

02:50:33.000 You and I, my fellow citizens, need to be strong in our faith that all nations under God will reach the goal of peace with justice.

02:50:43.000 May we be ever unswerving in devotion to principle, confident but humble with power, diligent in pursuit of the nation's great goals.

02:50:55.000 What is this?

02:50:56.000 It's not even a thing.

02:50:58.000 Wait, that wasn't it? 1.00

02:50:59.000 Then you had to listen to the shitty fucking music. 1.00

02:51:02.000 But that wasn't it? 1.00

02:51:03.000 That was only part of it.

02:51:04.000 That was only part of it, but it was a good part.

02:51:06.000 It was a good part beside the whole worry about the influence of the military-industrial complex.

02:51:13.000 Okay, here it is.

02:51:14.000 Hit me with it.

02:51:15.000 Okay.

02:51:16.000 The councils of government we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex.

02:51:25.000 The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

02:51:33.000 That's what we're dealing with. 0.99

02:51:35.000 I mean, that guy was trying to explain to people that we need balance because there's a bunch of people that just want to make money by starting wars, and that's real shit. 0.99

02:51:48.000 Yeah, I feel like people make, I don't know, that's my biggest issue with America right now, is that motherfuckers are willing to sell their souls for any amount of money. 0.99

02:51:56.000 Like, it doesn't matter. 0.99

02:51:58.000 You sell influence to any other country.

02:51:59.000 If China wants to buy up something, they want to buy- You talking about John Cena?

02:52:04.000 John Cena.

02:52:05.000 Who else?

02:52:05.000 Who else had to apologize?

02:52:06.000 The John Cena one was wild, though.

02:52:08.000 Yeah.

02:52:09.000 I mean, come on, John.

02:52:10.000 He's talking Chinese.

02:52:11.000 Come on, John.

02:52:12.000 He was speaking fluent Mandarin.

02:52:14.000 Fluent?

02:52:14.000 Amazing.

02:52:15.000 Bending over?

02:52:15.000 Yeah.

02:52:16.000 Bending over.

02:52:17.000 So sorry.

02:52:17.000 I was so tired.

02:52:18.000 Is that what he said?

02:52:19.000 I was so tired.

02:52:20.000 He said I was tired?

02:52:21.000 Yeah.

02:52:22.000 I was so tired.

02:52:23.000 I was doing press.

02:52:24.000 I respect China so much.

02:52:26.000 So, so much.

02:52:27.000 So much respect.

02:52:28.000 But that's the thing. 0.95

02:52:28.000 We're so fucking greedy that the second anybody offers you some money, you'll take it immediately. 0.95

02:52:33.000 Do you know what the money was, though? 0.97

02:52:34.000 What was it?

02:52:35.000 They made 160-something million dollars in the box office for the opening weekend for Fast and Furious 9. 134 of it was from China.

02:52:46.000 Is that...

02:52:47.000 That's a lot of money, son.

02:52:49.000 It's a lot of money, but you have to understand, like, it's a movie about car crashes and obviously...

02:52:53.000 They translate in China.

02:52:56.000 This is why.

02:52:57.000 That's not what I'm saying.

02:53:00.000 I'm saying it's an action movie.

02:53:02.000 They don't do our comedies.

02:53:04.000 Our comedies are worthless over there.

02:53:05.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:53:06.000 You need to do action movies.

02:53:07.000 Everybody knows what the fuck that's going on. 0.88

02:53:10.000 Is there ever a price where you'll just say no? 0.98

02:53:13.000 You know what I mean?

02:53:15.000 I see it all the time.

02:53:16.000 You see it happening with buildings and stuff in New York.

02:53:18.000 It's like foreign investment comes in.

02:53:20.000 And I understand that.

02:53:21.000 But also when it comes to movies, I think AMC let China buy up a certain percentage of it.

02:53:25.000 And what happens if they start saying, we're not going to show any movies?

02:53:29.000 I think about this with the algorithms too.

02:53:33.000 All you have to do to change culture is limit the dollar.

02:53:37.000 So if AMC goes, we're not going to put any movie that's critical of China in our movie theaters, you're just not going to make it.

02:53:44.000 Just like what happened with comedy on TV. There's a certain part of my success is that comedy got so neutered on TV that when I just started throwing shit out on YouTube, people were like, Oh yeah, this is funny!

02:53:55.000 It's actually real funny. 1.00

02:53:57.000 Wild shit. 1.00

02:53:58.000 Yeah, wild shit is actually funny. 1.00

02:53:59.000 Wild shit. 1.00

02:54:00.000 And I worry about this shit like when I see the algorithms on the social media platforms, if you start taking down things for bullying or even if it's in the guise of comedy. 1.00

02:54:09.000 I think YouTube does a good job of this because like when we had Alex on, on YouTube, we put a disclaimer. 0.99

02:54:13.000 We're like, this is all fake.

02:54:14.000 This is all for, you know, fun.

02:54:16.000 And they left it up and it was cool the second time we hung around.

02:54:19.000 But I was like, I'm looking at like...

02:54:20.000 What do you mean the second time?

02:54:21.000 When we had Alex back on, we put a big disclaimer.

02:54:23.000 So the first time they pulled it?

02:54:24.000 They pulled it, yeah.

02:54:25.000 Did you ever edit it?

02:54:26.000 The part that he said?

02:54:27.000 What did he say? 1.00

02:54:27.000 Like Bill Gates is the devil or some shit? 1.00

02:54:29.000 No, no. 1.00

02:54:29.000 I think he was like, Corona causes cancer. 1.00

02:54:33.000 No, the vaccine causes cancer.

02:54:34.000 Is that what he said?

02:54:35.000 Like 60 seconds in.

02:54:37.000 Really?

02:54:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:54:38.000 Why didn't you just edit that part out and put it back up?

02:54:40.000 I didn't even think. 0.95

02:54:41.000 It was so silly. 0.97

02:54:42.000 Like, we were all dressed silly. 0.94

02:54:43.000 Like, everything was a joke. 0.60

02:54:44.000 We're doing this as a joke.

02:54:44.000 But they went wild on it.

02:54:46.000 But I guess my point is, like, if TikTok says you can't say these certain words on the platform, right?

02:54:50.000 They ban a lot of people off of TikTok.

02:54:52.000 They ban a lot.

02:54:53.000 And they ticked out videos for certain words.

02:54:55.000 But all of a sudden, if you want success...

02:54:58.000 You're gonna have to start curating your comedy based on those rules.

02:55:01.000 You get to dictate what the rules are for comedy. 0.99

02:55:04.000 And then we're in the same fucking situation as we were when Comedy Central was putting out fucking nonsense for years. 0.99

02:55:09.000 Right. 0.99

02:55:09.000 So it's like, that's too much control, man. 0.99

02:55:12.000 Like, I don't know. 0.99

02:55:14.000 When you look at the social media shit, If everybody's on it, is it like water? 0.99

02:55:22.000 What is that called? 1.00

02:55:23.000 A utility?

02:55:24.000 Right.

02:55:25.000 Do we start looking at it like a utility?

02:55:27.000 I believe so.

02:55:28.000 I think we should.

02:55:29.000 I think if we want to look at things fairly, it has to be a utility.

02:55:32.000 I think there's one thing, if someone wants to dox you and tell people where you live and show photos of your kids and go after Andrew's kids, that's wrong.

02:55:40.000 And that should be illegal.

02:55:42.000 But other than that, you should be able to talk.

02:55:46.000 You should be able to express yourself.

02:55:48.000 Yeah.

02:55:48.000 And the problem today is we're finding there's a lot of stuff that gets censored that turns out to be correct.

02:55:53.000 Here's one, the lab leak theory.

02:55:55.000 Yeah.

02:55:56.000 For a long time, if you had that lab leak theory, you were racist.

02:55:59.000 They called me racist after the Netflix special.

02:56:02.000 I made fun of everybody.

02:56:03.000 Wait a minute.

02:56:04.000 The Andrew Schultz takes over America or whatever it's called?

02:56:07.000 Yeah, Schultz saves America.

02:56:08.000 That? 0.97

02:56:08.000 I literally had a couple jokes about the thing coming from China and I have these fucking nerd bloggers that of course nobody looks at and I didn't lean into it. 0.97

02:56:15.000 I didn't make a whole fucking hoopla about it. 0.98

02:56:17.000 But they're like, oh, this is racist. 1.00

02:56:18.000 This is xenophobic shit. 1.00

02:56:19.000 How could you say this at the other? 1.00

02:56:21.000 But here's the thing.

02:56:22.000 That's their job. 1.00

02:56:23.000 They suck. 1.00

02:56:24.000 But their job is to suck. 1.00

02:56:26.000 They appeal to people who, you know, they're the libs of TikTok. 0.99

02:56:30.000 That's their crowd.

02:56:32.000 And this is a real market.

02:56:34.000 And they might not even really think that way.

02:56:37.000 They might decide that to think like that is a viable business option.

02:56:41.000 Yeah.

02:56:41.000 There's a lot of that going on.

02:56:43.000 A lot of people capitalizing on the woke shit, and they're basically sociopaths. 1.00

02:56:47.000 They don't care about the other people on the other end. 1.00

02:56:50.000 They don't care about you because you're doing great.

02:56:52.000 He's got a Netflix series.

02:56:53.000 His podcast is killing it. 1.00

02:56:55.000 Fuck him. 1.00

02:56:55.000 Let's go. 1.00

02:56:56.000 I don't like his mustache.

02:56:57.000 They go after you.

02:56:59.000 Yeah.

02:57:00.000 I'm just saying, I don't know.

02:57:00.000 I think that's too much power and I worry creatively.

02:57:03.000 Not to be artsy about it, but I want new young comics to come up and I want them to fucking say what they find funny.

02:57:09.000 And I want new versions. 0.99

02:57:10.000 I want to eventually look at my comedy and I see these young guys and I go, man, my shit is dated. 1.00

02:57:15.000 These young motherfuckers are killing it. 1.00

02:57:16.000 Like, push me. 1.00

02:57:17.000 Push me.

02:57:18.000 Push me. 1.00

02:57:19.000 Don't do some neutered bullshit because you want your clip to kill on TikTok. 1.00

02:57:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:57:24.000 Right? 0.52

02:57:24.000 That's going to drive me fucking crazy, but if the algorithms stop allowing it, that's what it's going to be. 0.52

02:57:28.000 Let me tell you something about Spotify. 0.99

02:57:30.000 They never fuck with me once. 0.98

02:57:31.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

02:57:32.000 It's everybody around Spotify that wants to fuck with you. 1.00

02:57:35.000 It's all these bloggers. 1.00

02:57:36.000 No, I don't even know if the worker shit is real, but I'm saying the bloggers, they always go for the company. 0.99

02:57:40.000 They're like, Spotify, how could you allow this? 0.99

02:57:43.000 You know why?

02:57:43.000 Because it's the number one podcast on earth, still.

02:57:45.000 Damn right. 0.95

02:57:45.000 Still. 0.95

02:57:46.000 Damn right. 0.93

02:57:46.000 Even coming over to Spotify. 0.93

02:57:47.000 Damn right. 0.95

02:57:48.000 Still. 0.94

02:57:48.000 Yeah. 0.94

02:57:49.000 And now Spotify's the number one place for podcasts, too.

02:57:51.000 Bro, you know what's so weird?

02:57:52.000 I was...

02:57:53.000 Breaking points, you know, Sagar and Crystal.

02:57:57.000 I wanted to sign up.

02:57:59.000 I signed up for their thing because you can pay money to get the thing early, right?

02:58:02.000 I just want to support them.

02:58:02.000 I love them.

02:58:03.000 Yeah, me too. 0.96

02:58:03.000 I think they're fucking great. 0.96

02:58:04.000 Love them. 0.98

02:58:04.000 And I love Sagar's new teeth. 0.98

02:58:05.000 You got great new teeth, Sagar.

02:58:06.000 Okay. 0.99

02:58:07.000 Yeah, he looks like fucking Tekashi 6ix9ine with those things. 0.98

02:58:10.000 So I go to sign up and... 0.98

02:58:13.000 So I gotta sign up, right?

02:58:15.000 And my first, and this is the power of getting a massive podcast, my first instinct was, where do you listen to your podcast?

02:58:22.000 My first instinct was not to do Apple Music or Apple Podcasts.

02:58:26.000 It was to go to Spotify.

02:58:28.000 That's why they paid you.

02:58:29.000 So that I go, well, I guess I listen to things on Spotify, right?

02:58:32.000 And obviously there's other reasons to pay you, but the reason, right? 0.99

02:58:35.000 It's like, how do I think the place you listen to shit is now Spotify? 0.99

02:58:41.000 And they didn't have it fucking listed. 0.99

02:58:43.000 They didn't have Spotify listed? 0.99

02:58:44.000 They had a million other fucking things listed on this. 0.96

02:58:46.000 There's a whole email, so they've got to fix that. 0.96

02:58:48.000 They should fix that.

02:58:48.000 But that's simple.

02:58:49.000 But that behavioral thing, me just opening and looking for the green Spotify icon, that's the game changer.

02:58:57.000 Well, the game changer is that Spotify has recognized that everybody else is censoring people.

02:59:01.000 And one of the things that Daniel Ek said, he's a brilliant guy, he said, we have millions of content creators on Spotify and we don't attack the rappers for their lyrics and we don't attack Joe Rogan for whatever he says.

02:59:15.000 We give him creative control and he's never violated any of our terms of agreements.

02:59:19.000 That's the funniest thing about like, I mean, I know there's a lot of controversy with this DaBaby thing going on, but like all these festivals pretending like they give a fuck about what the artists say. 0.99

02:59:27.000 Yeah, they're Halliburton with the fucking rainbow flag. 0.98

02:59:29.000 It's the same thing. 0.99

02:59:30.000 We care about being inclusive. 0.86

02:59:32.000 Dropping rainbow bombs on Yemen. 0.99

02:59:35.000 We care about a safe environment. 1.00

02:59:36.000 Everybody in the crowd's on fucking Coke and Molly just touching each other, grabbing fucking girls' tits. 1.00

02:59:41.000 Get the fuck out of here, dude. 1.00

02:59:43.000 It's just such bullshit. 1.00

02:59:46.000 That's why I'm back in New York, Joe. 1.00

02:59:47.000 Because you like the conflict. 1.00

02:59:49.000 I love the fucking conflict. 1.00

02:59:50.000 I get it. 1.00

02:59:51.000 I get it.

02:59:51.000 Well, I want you to be there, but I also want you to just take over Miami.

02:59:55.000 I think that's your move.

02:59:56.000 Yeah, maybe.

02:59:57.000 I like the Andrew with the straw hat on.

02:59:59.000 Yeah, I got it.

03:00:00.000 But you've taken some of that with you. 1.00

03:00:01.000 Look at his fucking shirt. 1.00

03:00:02.000 I'm out of here, bro. 1.00

03:00:03.000 The legend.

03:00:04.000 I'm out of here. 1.00

03:00:05.000 Motherfucker killed himself before Me Too could take him, man. 1.00

03:00:07.000 Shouts to Hugh Hefner, dog. 1.00

03:00:08.000 I know he made it.

03:00:09.000 Dude, he got out right in time.

03:00:11.000 He made it to the end.

03:00:13.000 Oh, they would have come for him, for sure.

03:00:14.000 Game over.

03:00:15.000 Game over.

03:00:17.000 I mean, that was a wild time.

03:00:19.000 Did you ever go to the mansion?

03:00:20.000 Yeah, I went to the mansion a couple times.

03:00:23.000 As crazy as they said?

03:00:24.000 No, I was only there for events.

03:00:26.000 I was there for, I believe it was Strikeforce.

03:00:29.000 Strikeforce had...

03:00:31.000 I think I was trying for us.

03:00:32.000 Maybe the lead XC. One of the smaller MMA shows had an event at the Playboy Mansion.

03:00:39.000 I went there for that.

03:00:40.000 We did Fear Factor from the mansion once.

03:00:43.000 And then I hosted the Marijuana Policy Project, had an event at the mansion as well.

03:00:50.000 And that was a weird one.

03:00:53.000 Why was it weird?

03:00:54.000 It was just weird.

03:00:55.000 It's like...

03:00:56.000 It's just...

03:00:57.000 It's weird.

03:00:58.000 You know, because it's...

03:01:01.000 The whole thing was kind of corny.

03:01:03.000 You would go there and everything was old, but it wasn't old cool.

03:01:09.000 It was old like a house you would buy, but it was in a good lot, so you would tear it down.

03:01:14.000 And then redo everything.

03:01:15.000 The kitchen was old.

03:01:16.000 It feels like you're in Orlando. 1.00

03:01:17.000 Dial phones and shit. 0.99

03:01:19.000 It was Strike Force? 1.00

03:01:20.000 Yeah.

03:01:20.000 Yeah, I went for that.

03:01:22.000 It was interesting, you know?

03:01:24.000 Ugh, life, man. 0.99

03:01:26.000 But, you know, the whole fucking pipe and the smoking jacket thing, but back in the day, he was the guy that had the Playboy Club, and it was on television, and he would introduce people to different artists and musicians. 1.00

03:01:45.000 It's just such a weird thing, like naked girls. 1.00

03:01:50.000 And girls wanted it. 1.00

03:01:52.000 They would get Playboy bunny tattoos.

03:01:54.000 That bunny on your shirt?

03:01:56.000 Millions of girls. 1.00

03:01:57.000 Cheesy broads got that shit tattooed on their butt cheeks? 1.00

03:02:00.000 Millions. 1.00

03:02:01.000 Joe, millions.

03:02:02.000 A lot.

03:02:03.000 I wonder if it's like...

03:02:07.000 Now, girls can do OnlyFans on Instagram. 1.00

03:02:10.000 Yeah.

03:02:11.000 This is a weird observation, but Hooters, the talent has kind of fell off a little bit.

03:02:16.000 Of course.

03:02:16.000 But you've noticed that?

03:02:17.000 I don't go, but I would imagine.

03:02:19.000 Okay.

03:02:20.000 Neither do I. But the talent's kind of fallen off a little bit.

03:02:25.000 Well, the food's not the best.

03:02:26.000 The food's not the best.

03:02:27.000 And then the girls can go on OnlyFans. 0.96

03:02:29.000 They can go on Instagram. 0.92

03:02:30.000 And make a shit pile of money just showing their feet. 0.98

03:02:32.000 Exactly. 1.00

03:02:33.000 Show their feet and their butthole. 1.00

03:02:35.000 Take your feet out of those fucking Skechers or whatever they were wearing. 1.00

03:02:38.000 Stick a carrot up your ass with bunny ears on and you'll make so much more money than you ever would in Playboy. 1.00

03:02:46.000 Dude, it's so true. 0.99

03:02:48.000 The OnlyFans thing is wild because I've talked to people that are on the OnlyFans.

03:02:51.000 I'm like, how much money are you making?

03:02:53.000 Just tell me. 0.97

03:02:54.000 Fucking $10,000 a month, $100,000 a month, $50,000 a month. 0.98

03:02:58.000 And they're just taking pictures. 0.99

03:03:00.000 And they're regular girls. 0.97

03:03:01.000 No one knows who they are.

03:03:02.000 And they're making a million a year.

03:03:04.000 But I also think about the girl who goes...

03:03:06.000 Because I think in the back of every hot girl's head, they're like, I could make millions of dollars stripping, but I choose not to. 0.84

03:03:12.000 And there's a couple that have started with OnlyFans, and it didn't work out.

03:03:16.000 Oh, really?

03:03:17.000 The average is only $180 a month.

03:03:19.000 What?

03:03:20.000 $180?

03:03:20.000 So for every girl that's getting $10,000, there's one that's getting...

03:03:24.000 180 bucks?

03:03:25.000 So imagine you show the goods in your whole life.

03:03:27.000 You were like, I'm above this.

03:03:29.000 And then it's $180 a month.

03:03:31.000 One shift, waiting tables at the store.

03:03:34.000 Yeah.

03:03:35.000 How does one become famous on OnlyFans, right?

03:03:38.000 That's the question. 0.93

03:03:39.000 That's the social climbing shit that I'm not... 0.98

03:03:41.000 I don't even want to call it social climbing, but like... 0.98

03:03:45.000 I find it very hard to engage creatively with people that I don't respect.

03:03:50.000 And some people are really good at it.

03:03:53.000 Like they find other people that are like popping and they can like insert themselves in.

03:03:57.000 And I just can't do it.

03:04:01.000 There's a couple guys in the top 15. You gotta pull the microphone down so people can hear you.

03:04:04.000 A couple guys in the top 15 earners.

03:04:06.000 Yeah, they're making money.

03:04:07.000 A couple guys?

03:04:07.000 Yeah.

03:04:08.000 What are they doing? 1.00

03:04:08.000 Showing cock? 1.00

03:04:09.000 Bro. 1.00

03:04:10.000 How much money do you think it's showing cock? 1.00

03:04:12.000 Tyga makes a lot, I think, I heard. 0.98

03:04:13.000 Tyga?

03:04:14.000 Yeah, he's got a piece.

03:04:15.000 And then Aaron Carter is on there.

03:04:16.000 He might.

03:04:17.000 He apparently has a piece, though.

03:04:18.000 I don't know why I know that. 1.00

03:04:19.000 He shows his cock? 1.00

03:04:20.000 I think so. 1.00

03:04:21.000 I'm not checking.

03:04:22.000 I don't know what else you pay for.

03:04:23.000 Well, that must be on Reddit as well, right?

03:04:24.000 Don't they leak?

03:04:25.000 They definitely leak. 1.00

03:04:26.000 That's the fucked up shit. 1.00

03:04:26.000 Is Reddit is OnlyFans for free? 1.00

03:04:29.000 I feel so bad saying this, but if ever there's a friend of mine that's on OnlyFans or someone I kind of know from the peripheral, I go right to Reddit and it's there, dude.

03:04:38.000 So is Reddit or is OnlyFans for people that don't know how to use the real internet?

03:04:42.000 Yeah, you're just old.

03:04:43.000 It's for boomers. 0.99

03:04:45.000 Or you're in love with a girl and you want to support her.

03:04:48.000 That's the thing, if she's showing it.

03:04:49.000 There's a lot of those guys that become super fascinating with those girls and then they want to meet them.

03:04:54.000 Do you know that it's all rigged?

03:04:56.000 I spoke to this OnlyFans Girls. 1.00

03:04:58.000 They have people who text the guys.

03:05:01.000 Oh.

03:05:01.000 So these chicks, this is the game, right?

03:05:04.000 The girls go with a company. 1.00

03:05:05.000 The company takes all their pictures, populates their OnlyFans.

03:05:08.000 Oh, there's a new company that does that.

03:05:09.000 There's companies that do this, right?

03:05:10.000 They're like an agency.

03:05:11.000 They take like 25%.

03:05:12.000 They take all your pictures, fly to LA, do all the things, and then they have people who interact with your fans and talk sexy to them and say, I can't wait to see you. 0.99

03:05:22.000 So they keep you engaged and then you fucking fall in love with them. 0.99

03:05:24.000 Oh, boy. 1.00

03:05:25.000 And then the girls don't got to do shit. 1.00

03:05:27.000 Wow. 1.00

03:05:28.000 Yeah.

03:05:28.000 That's sad.

03:05:29.000 That makes me sad.

03:05:31.000 Those guys are getting hustled.

03:05:32.000 They are.

03:05:32.000 But are they?

03:05:33.000 I think they know it. 1.00

03:05:35.000 It's like the catfish shit. 1.00

03:05:36.000 It's like you know it's fake, but you like the fact that someone's talking to you, saying they love you. 1.00

03:05:40.000 The solution is a video.

03:05:42.000 The girl has to make a video. 0.98

03:05:43.000 She's got to make a video directly to you. 0.93

03:05:44.000 Hi, Mike. 0.97

03:05:45.000 I really appreciate you jerking off to my feet. 1.00

03:05:52.000 The next one that I take, that carrot is gonna be up my ass for you. 1.00

03:05:56.000 You're only gonna see green. 0.99

03:05:57.000 Yeah.

03:05:58.000 You're just gonna see the carrot, the green, and my feet. 1.00

03:06:02.000 I like the feet shit, though. 0.99

03:06:03.000 I'm not gonna lie. 0.99

03:06:04.000 I like pretty feet.

03:06:05.000 You made a lot.

03:06:06.000 Busted feet are sad.

03:06:07.000 What is this? 0.99

03:06:08.000 Tyga's genitals netted him 7.9 million. 0.99

03:06:11.000 There you go. 0.99

03:06:11.000 He's doubling down on OnlyFans. 0.99

03:06:14.000 Wow.

03:06:15.000 Is Tyga still doing music?

03:06:19.000 I don't know.

03:06:20.000 But when you got it like that, like...

03:06:22.000 7.9 million just showing his hog?

03:06:25.000 Bro, making money you find out what you really love.

03:06:27.000 How much...

03:06:28.000 Why is the game slipping?

03:06:29.000 Why is he nodding on this?

03:06:31.000 Why?

03:06:31.000 Because he got a piece, right?

03:06:32.000 He's a giant hog. 0.96

03:06:33.000 He's got an arm in there. 0.99

03:06:34.000 But he's medium swole. 1.00

03:06:35.000 Like, I don't think that's fake saw.

03:06:36.000 Medium swole?

03:06:37.000 I think he's...

03:06:38.000 I don't think it's hard enough where it's facing up, but I think he warms it up to the point...

03:06:42.000 It doesn't matter.

03:06:43.000 He's got a piece.

03:06:44.000 He's got a piece, dude.

03:06:45.000 He's got a piece.

03:06:46.000 Bro.

03:06:46.000 It's one of them pythons that swallows alligators.

03:06:49.000 It's a problem.

03:06:50.000 You fill that thing up with water, you go to the gym. 0.98

03:06:52.000 That's a hog. 1.00

03:06:52.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

03:06:53.000 He's got a nice one.

03:06:54.000 He's got a hog.

03:06:54.000 He's got like a shin bone in there.

03:06:58.000 Give that shit to Connor. 1.00

03:06:59.000 Just replace it. 1.00

03:07:03.000 Just replace Connor with fucking the game's me, dude. 1.00

03:07:06.000 Show me the game's hog. 1.00

03:07:12.000 I'm a 54-year-old man.

03:07:14.000 I turned 54 today.

03:07:15.000 And this is my respectable job that I have with a large corporation.

03:07:19.000 God bless America. 1.00

03:07:20.000 Show me his penis, please. 1.00

03:07:22.000 How could you be angry? 1.00

03:07:24.000 That's stupid. 1.00

03:07:25.000 It doesn't matter if it's hard. 1.00

03:07:27.000 It's stupid, bro. 1.00

03:07:28.000 It's a giant hog. 1.00

03:07:29.000 Yeah, dude. 0.63

03:07:29.000 That man's got a giant hog. 0.63

03:07:31.000 Look at how he's grabbing it in the left one.

03:07:33.000 The one on the left? 1.00

03:07:34.000 I mean, that's like a fucking Budweiser can. 1.00

03:07:37.000 What the fuck is he grabbing? 1.00

03:07:38.000 Yeah, it's a problem. 1.00

03:07:39.000 Yeah.

03:07:40.000 It's a problem.

03:07:41.000 I mean, Jesus.

03:07:42.000 Yeah.

03:07:43.000 How many girls do you think contacted him after they saw that? 0.94

03:07:46.000 Oh, dude, that's why they're doing it.

03:07:47.000 A hundred thousand?

03:07:48.000 Yeah, immediately.

03:07:48.000 Easily.

03:07:49.000 Yeah, probably.

03:07:49.000 But what girl can, I mean, can take that?

03:07:51.000 A lot of girls.

03:07:52.000 You think? 0.99

03:07:52.000 Dirty ones. 0.99

03:07:53.000 Really?

03:07:54.000 Yeah, they're used to it.

03:07:54.000 I don't know if you get used to that.

03:07:56.000 I bet they do.

03:07:57.000 You think?

03:07:57.000 Yeah, they have babies.

03:07:58.000 Babies' heads are huge. 1.00

03:07:59.000 Yeah, but the fucking, what is it called? 1.00

03:08:06.000 People fist people. 1.00

03:08:07.000 Come on, man.

03:08:08.000 I don't buy that, dude.

03:08:09.000 You don't buy fisting?

03:08:10.000 You need to watch Tom Segura's videos.

03:08:12.000 Wait, he has it?

03:08:13.000 Yeah, Tom Segura has cultivated these guys fisting each other where they have anal prolapses and then they pull the prolapses out and rub them against each other. 0.98

03:08:22.000 Bro. 0.96

03:08:23.000 Where is he watching this?

03:08:24.000 He does it on your mom's house lives. 1.00

03:08:26.000 Those your mom's house lives are the wildest fucking thing on the internet. 1.00

03:08:32.000 Because it's shit he could never get away with showing on the podcast. 0.99

03:08:36.000 But people pay for it and then they put it up and then he has a website where you download it and you get up to like a month afterwards or whatever. 0.99

03:08:43.000 It's fucking crazy.

03:08:45.000 I actually am bummed out because he invited me to be on one, but I'm elk hunting when it's going down. 1.00

03:08:52.000 I'm like, shit! 0.99

03:08:54.000 I'm like, when's the next one? 0.99

03:08:56.000 I'm like, dude, I'll cancel a gig for that.

03:08:58.000 Let me in.

03:08:59.000 I want to watch Prolapse Anus.

03:09:01.000 It's not just that. 0.99

03:09:02.000 It's like he finds the wildest shit online. 1.00

03:09:05.000 But that's smart. 1.00

03:09:05.000 It's like you're giving people a reason why they should tune in. 1.00

03:09:08.000 It's a genius show.

03:09:09.000 It's genius. 1.00

03:09:10.000 It's fucking genius. 1.00

03:09:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

03:09:12.000 And he does it once a month, and he has a whole infrastructure dedicated to it to make sure that it downloads smooth, and they've built sets, and they hire producers.

03:09:22.000 They hire people that used to work for SNL and shit, and know how to run shows. 0.97

03:09:27.000 Wild! 0.99

03:09:28.000 You kind of need that.

03:09:28.000 Tom's a genius.

03:09:29.000 Yeah.

03:09:29.000 And he moved out here to Austin, Texas.

03:09:31.000 Yeah, he did.

03:09:32.000 Yeah, he did.

03:09:33.000 His wife murdered it last night.

03:09:35.000 Christina Pazitzky.

03:09:36.000 Oh my God, she's funny.

03:09:39.000 Murdered it to the point where everybody was like, eyebrows raised like, whoa!

03:09:43.000 She was killing. 0.95

03:09:44.000 I gotta check out Christina, man.

03:09:46.000 I gotta check out Christina. 0.98

03:09:47.000 Last night was a wild show.

03:09:48.000 We had David Lucas.

03:09:49.000 Love David.

03:09:50.000 Shouts to David.

03:09:51.000 Shout out to David Lucas.

03:09:52.000 Love you, bro.

03:09:53.000 Warmed it up.

03:09:54.000 And then Christina Pazitsky murdered it. 1.00

03:09:56.000 And then Duncan Trussell murdered it.

03:09:58.000 And then Tony Hinchcliffe murdered it.

03:09:59.000 It was a wild show.

03:10:01.000 So that was all before I got on.

03:10:03.000 It was crazy at the Vulcan.

03:10:05.000 Yeah.

03:10:06.000 This is a fun place, man.

03:10:07.000 Yeah.

03:10:08.000 And there's no one to say no here.

03:10:10.000 And I hear there's a new place opening soon.

03:10:12.000 Oh, yeah.

03:10:12.000 We're real close.

03:10:13.000 That's what I hear.

03:10:14.000 Rumors on the streets.

03:10:15.000 Yeah.

03:10:16.000 Inspections were done today.

03:10:17.000 Or they were done on Saturday, rather.

03:10:19.000 We'll have an announcement shortly.

03:10:21.000 But it's going to be wild.

03:10:23.000 Mmm.

03:10:24.000 Woo! 0.99

03:10:25.000 Alright, it's 419. Let's wrap this bitch up. 1.00

03:10:28.000 God bless. 0.99

03:10:28.000 Andrew Schultz, next time I see you, you'll be filming your special at the Paramount. 0.99

03:10:32.000 Damn right. 0.69

03:10:32.000 I will be in attendance for that, sir. 0.69

03:10:34.000 God bless you.

03:10:35.000 I'm very excited for that.

03:10:35.000 Shout out to Virginia.

03:10:37.000 Yeah, that's right.

03:10:37.000 We got a shout out.

03:10:38.000 Can we say that?

03:10:39.000 Okay, yeah.

03:10:40.000 Shout out to you, Virginia. 1.00

03:10:40.000 My wife's friend. 1.00

03:10:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:10:42.000 She got the hots for Andrew.

03:10:43.000 You got a great taste, okay?

03:10:44.000 With all due respect, you have great taste.

03:10:46.000 Excellent taste.

03:10:47.000 I'm a happily fiancéed man.

03:10:49.000 He's a happily almost married man.

03:10:50.000 A happily almost married man.

03:10:51.000 Yes.

03:10:52.000 Ladies and gentlemen, this podcast is over.

03:10:55.000 Peace.

03:10:56.000 God bless you all.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 12, 2021

Joe Rogan Experience #1695 - Andrew Schulz

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript