The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1813 - Tony Hinchcliffe

00:00:11.000 And we're up!

00:00:15.000 All day, I've been trying to recover from yesterday, drinking with Stan Hope.

00:00:20.000 Oh, yeah.

00:00:20.000 He's a fun one to hang out with, huh?

00:00:22.000 We did a podcast, like, right when he was coming out of the pandemic, and I think I was probably sober, or mostly sober, during the podcast, and it just didn't, it just felt off.

00:00:34.000 It felt clunky.

00:00:35.000 And he felt like that, too.

00:00:36.000 So I'm like, this one, I'm gonna make sure we do it right.

00:00:39.000 And I just got blasted.

00:00:41.000 With him. 0.99

00:00:42.000 We just drank whiskey and got fucked up and talked for like, how long was it? 0.98

00:00:48.000 Three and a half hours. 0.99

00:00:49.000 Wow.

00:00:49.000 And a couple of pee breaks and just obliterated.

00:00:53.000 I don't remember half what we talked about.

00:00:55.000 He's so fun.

00:00:56.000 Yeah.

00:00:56.000 Last night was incredible.

00:00:58.000 Last night was insane.

00:00:59.000 Yeah.

00:00:59.000 First of all, let's tell everybody you're going to be in Phoenix this weekend at Stand Up Live, which is an awesome club.

00:01:06.000 And maybe I'll drop in on Friday because I'm going to be there for the UFC. Beautiful.

00:01:11.000 Let's have some fun.

00:01:12.000 We'll have some fun.

00:01:13.000 The great and powerful William Montgomery will be there as well. 0.98

00:01:16.000 And then last night, we do a show at Vulcan, and who goes on stage with us but motherfucking Roseanne Barr. 1.00

00:01:25.000 Wow. 0.99

00:01:26.000 What a clinic.

00:01:28.000 She hadn't been on stage in years.

00:01:30.000 In years.

00:01:31.000 And she killed just as hard as anybody. 1.00

00:01:34.000 God, the round of applause she got when she went up there.

00:01:36.000 Natural freak talent.

00:01:38.000 Killing the whole time.

00:01:40.000 Getting little tiny standing ovations throughout.

00:01:44.000 Totally like the way she moved, the way she talked, her pacing, her timing felt so natural and conversational.

00:01:51.000 But she wasn't even planning on going up.

00:01:53.000 Yeah.

00:01:53.000 This is what's crazy.

00:01:54.000 She hadn't gone on stage in years.

00:01:56.000 And she did it. 0.97

00:01:57.000 And then afterwards, she felt fucking great. 0.97

00:02:00.000 She was hanging out in the green room. 0.94

00:02:02.000 She was all fired up.

00:02:03.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:02:03.000 And she's like, I want to fucking move here! 0.98

00:02:06.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:02:07.000 She's the best.

00:02:08.000 She belongs here.

00:02:09.000 She's the vibe. 0.84

00:02:10.000 Yeah, well her daughter lives here.

00:02:12.000 So I think we got a real good shot of getting her here.

00:02:14.000 I hope so.

00:02:16.000 Oh my god.

00:02:16.000 She is...

00:02:18.000 I mean...

00:02:19.000 House Night was special.

00:02:20.000 It really was.

00:02:21.000 Doug Stanhope, Ron White, you, Hans Kim, Roseanne Barr, and me.

00:02:27.000 Yep. 1.00

00:02:28.000 What a fucking lineup. 1.00

00:02:29.000 What a fucking lineup. 1.00

00:02:30.000 So fun. 0.99

00:02:31.000 Hey, you want to know something funny about this picture?

00:02:33.000 You see that bottle that Stanhope has of mineral water?

00:02:35.000 Well, there's cigarettes in there.

00:02:36.000 You see that?

00:02:37.000 Yes.

00:02:37.000 A few minutes after this picture was taken, he took a huge gulp of that, forgetting that it was an ashtray.

00:02:45.000 And he handled it so funny.

00:02:47.000 He made sure everybody knew, and he made a funny face.

00:02:50.000 And, like, he really milked it like a real comedian.

00:02:54.000 Ha ha ha!

00:02:54.000 We found out yesterday Stanhope had COVID and he never even knew.

00:02:58.000 He goes, I've been dealing with COVID-like symptoms for the last 30 years.

00:03:07.000 That's 30 years of being hungover.

00:03:09.000 30 years of being hammered mostly every day.

00:03:13.000 The rare breed.

00:03:15.000 You know how many comedians fail because he drinks on stage?

00:03:19.000 There's so many comedians that think they can drink on stage and do good because of him.

00:03:24.000 Or they could be like him.

00:03:25.000 Yeah.

00:03:26.000 But they don't have a point.

00:03:28.000 He writes.

00:03:29.000 The thing about Doug Stanhope is Doug Stanhope may be a guy who loves to drink. 1.00

00:03:34.000 Fuck, maybe. 1.00

00:03:35.000 He's a guy who loves to drink. 1.00

00:03:36.000 But he also loves to write.

00:03:38.000 He writes a lot.

00:03:39.000 He's got a laptop, sits down with it, he makes notes, drinks coffee, smokes cigarettes, writes.

00:03:45.000 He is dedicated to being a comic and a writer.

00:03:48.000 He writes.

00:03:50.000 And that's a lot of the guys that go on tour and try to emulate that thing, they leave out part of it.

00:03:57.000 They leave out that part.

00:03:59.000 I've been into this audiobook by Steven Pressfield, The War of Art.

00:04:04.000 I just finished it and now I'm on his other book that he has that's a similar sort of vein.

00:04:08.000 It's called Turning Pro.

00:04:10.000 But one of the things in Turning Pro, it's like talking about the things that people do to distract them from the work.

00:04:17.000 And that one of the things they'll do is that a lot of people who, they romanticize the lifestyle of being like a rock and roll star, right?

00:04:26.000 Out on the road, but they're doing the drugs, and they're boozing and partying.

00:04:34.000 That's part of the lifestyle, but what they're not doing is the writing.

00:04:37.000 They're not doing the work.

00:04:39.000 They're not being a pro.

00:04:40.000 They're just distracting themselves with the nonsense aspects of it, the partying aspects of it, not the getting better at the art form aspects of it.

00:04:49.000 Stanhope has a good balance.

00:04:50.000 He writes a lot.

00:04:52.000 You see him and he's got points.

00:04:54.000 There'll be something new about anything that's going on that's pertinent, that's in the news.

00:04:59.000 He's got new bits.

00:05:01.000 Yeah.

00:05:03.000 What you're saying sort of reminds me of Dave Attell, who, you know, I feel like amongst comedians is considered one of the best in the world right now.

00:05:12.000 Well, the best of all time.

00:05:13.000 Yeah.

00:05:14.000 And, you know, he was the party guy forever.

00:05:18.000 Yeah.

00:05:19.000 Right?

00:05:19.000 The insomniac going out up everywhere.

00:05:22.000 And I remember...

00:05:24.000 I mean, well, first of all, he's sober now, but I remember when I got to work at the comedy store, when I started working there 15 years ago, I was also working to make extra money at a coffee shop right next to it.

00:05:39.000 I would work really, really, really early mornings, like this 6 a.m.

00:05:43.000 to 11 a.m.

00:05:44.000 shift, because then I would go work phones at the comedy store all day and then at the comedy store at night.

00:05:48.000 So I was just working all day.

00:05:50.000 Anyway, there was a lot of times where I would be at the comedy store until 2.30 a.m.

00:05:55.000 And Attell, if he was visiting from New York, would be there, you know, watching or going up or hanging out or both.

00:06:02.000 And I would work these shifts four hours later at Starbucks and he would be there reading the newspaper with a notebook, like literally grinding and grueling out the work.

00:06:13.000 Not on his cell phone reading, like absorbing actual paper, you know, reading material and kicking out writing immediately.

00:06:22.000 Like someone who's about to start.

00:06:25.000 Not like someone who's a 20, 30 year veteran of the game.

00:06:29.000 And he takes it that seriously and it shows continuously throughout his work.

00:06:32.000 You know, everybody that is great is doing the work.

00:06:37.000 Yeah, there's no substitute.

00:06:38.000 There's no substitute in the universe rewards you.

00:06:42.000 Like, life rewards you for the amount of effort you put into something.

00:06:45.000 The amount of tension and focus you put into something will be represented in how good you get at it.

00:06:51.000 It doesn't mean that everybody starts from the same place.

00:06:54.000 Some people have more natural talent.

00:06:56.000 Some people have more natural insight.

00:06:57.000 Some people are just funny-er when they start.

00:07:01.000 But it is really about the amount of time and focus you put in and how much better you get.

00:07:05.000 There's a lot of people that have maybe a natural personality for stand-up, but they're lazy.

00:07:10.000 Yeah.

00:07:26.000 It's just time.

00:07:27.000 It's time and focus.

00:07:27.000 I think that would apply to everything.

00:07:29.000 I think it would apply to fucking playing the guitar or writing books or whatever the fuck you're doing. 0.99

00:07:34.000 It's time and effort. 0.99

00:07:36.000 Time and effort and there's no substitute for those things.

00:07:38.000 And thinking.

00:07:39.000 And being, you know, really thinking.

00:07:41.000 Like being honest about what you're doing.

00:07:43.000 Looking at it and go, God, is this good?

00:07:45.000 Let me look at this again.

00:07:46.000 Let me look at this with fresh eyes.

00:07:48.000 Let me go walk around the block and think about it.

00:07:51.000 That's part of it, too.

00:07:52.000 One of the things that Pressfield talked about is also something that Stephen King would talk about, is that he would write and then he would go for walks.

00:07:59.000 After the writing, which is very common amongst writers.

00:08:02.000 They like to go for walks afterwards and review the notes in their head.

00:08:06.000 And Pressfield would take a little recorder with them, but obviously you could use your phone and just use the voice memos and just talk into your phone and say, you know, I have this thing about page five.

00:08:16.000 I feel like this is off or chapter six is, you know, a little flat.

00:08:20.000 Maybe this is a new solution.

00:08:23.000 Yeah.

00:08:24.000 Walking helps a lot, no doubt.

00:08:25.000 It's one of those things that we would do in the writer's room, a bunch of sloppy, lazy, bum writers in the roast writer's room. 1.00

00:08:34.000 We would have to take a break because the blood just circulates around your head all day.

00:08:40.000 And then after four or five hours, especially after lunch, you have to get the things rolling again.

00:08:45.000 So yeah, it changes perspective.

00:08:46.000 But most importantly, it just really gets the blood flowing.

00:08:49.000 Especially after lunch if you're eating bread.

00:08:52.000 Yeah. 0.73

00:08:52.000 Guys who eat sandwiches, like big sub sandwiches for lunch, they're useless after lunch. 0.73

00:08:57.000 It's so true. 0.84

00:08:57.000 And I remember we used to literally order from a place called, I don't know if it still exists in LA, but it was called It's All About the Bread. 0.84

00:09:04.000 And it was the thickest... 0.96

00:09:06.000 Because it was Jeff Ross' show, basically, in his office, and we know, like, anybody that knows anything about Jeff knows he doesn't give a fuck about what he eats. 0.96

00:09:15.000 Like, he's always smashing food. 0.94

00:09:17.000 He has the fastest metabolism out of anybody in the world.

00:09:20.000 How's that possible?

00:09:21.000 I don't know.

00:09:22.000 But he's so big.

00:09:23.000 He's big.

00:09:24.000 That goes to show you how much he eats.

00:09:26.000 I mean, the man is always snacking on something.

00:09:28.000 Really?

00:09:28.000 Yeah.

00:09:29.000 He just burns it by whatever, thinking all the time or whatever's going on.

00:09:34.000 But, uh...

00:09:35.000 Oh, so there was just no, there was no like, let's eat something healthy today. 0.99

00:09:39.000 Because like, he doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:09:42.000 So we used to order from this place. 0.99

00:09:43.000 It's all about the bread.

00:09:44.000 And we would all crash so hard.

00:09:46.000 We would have to drink seven cups of coffee to even come back from it.

00:09:50.000 But it was like a drug.

00:09:51.000 It's like doing like bread heroin or something in the afternoon time.

00:09:55.000 Yeah, sandwiches are the worst for that.

00:09:58.000 Yeah.

00:09:58.000 Like a big sub-sandwich, because you think about it, like, when do you ever eat a piece of bread that big?

00:10:03.000 Right.

00:10:03.000 Never.

00:10:04.000 And then a piece of bread that big stuffed with meat and cheese and fucking mayonnaise and shit. 1.00

00:10:09.000 And this was like a baguette. 1.00

00:10:10.000 I remember the exterior was hard.

00:10:12.000 It was like very textured, like tough, and tons of bread in between the starting point and that hard outer shell.

00:10:19.000 Your body has to break all that down.

00:10:22.000 It's just glue in your stomach, just clogging up your brain.

00:10:29.000 But meanwhile, if Jeff eats something like that, he turns into the Incredible Hulk for like 25 minutes after that.

00:10:37.000 Everybody's just dying of laughter about anything, whatever happens.

00:10:40.000 He's a special guy.

00:10:43.000 So he just gets excited about the food and that makes him happy and then he's funnier.

00:10:49.000 100%.

00:10:49.000 Yeah.

00:10:50.000 Stan Hope and I were talking about this yesterday because Stan Hope had no idea that he had COVID. We were talking about this, I remember, in the brief flashes that I can remember of our drunken conversation.

00:11:01.000 I was like, I wonder how much of a factor stress plays into people getting sick.

00:11:04.000 Because how is he okay?

00:11:06.000 Stan Hope chain smokes, drinks constantly.

00:11:10.000 He's basically my age, a couple months older than me.

00:11:13.000 And nothing's wrong with him.

00:11:16.000 Allegedly.

00:11:17.000 Hasn't been to a doctor in years.

00:11:19.000 Like, in forever.

00:11:21.000 He goes, why would you go? 0.99

00:11:22.000 They just fucking give you bad news. 1.00

00:11:23.000 And he goes, just fucking live until it breaks. 1.00

00:11:26.000 That's like his thought process. 1.00

00:11:28.000 Just live until his body breaks.

00:11:30.000 It was interesting watching him go face to face with Ron White last night.

00:11:35.000 And the first thing that Ron said to him was, Doug, I'm sorry.

00:11:40.000 I couldn't fight the fight anymore for us drunks.

00:11:44.000 He was apologizing to Doug for having to back out of the game.

00:11:48.000 You know, Ron, after 50 years of daily tequila drinking, he's like, I wish I could still be in the fight with you, my friend.

00:11:56.000 Meanwhile, here's the thing.

00:11:58.000 Just like Dave Attell, Ron White is better than ever.

00:12:01.000 Yeah.

00:12:02.000 Ron White is on fire right now.

00:12:05.000 He's always been a great comic, but I've never seen him better.

00:12:07.000 And I think the same about Dave Attell.

00:12:09.000 Dave Attell, when he stopped drinking, I remember his booze in days.

00:12:12.000 He was always great, but he's better now.

00:12:15.000 He's better now.

00:12:16.000 And there's a thing where people think that the booze is what helps them.

00:12:20.000 It makes them loose, and it makes them relaxed.

00:12:22.000 Yeah.

00:12:23.000 Yeah, I mean, it could kind of help a little bit.

00:12:25.000 It could get you loose.

00:12:27.000 It can.

00:12:28.000 But not if it's a problem.

00:12:30.000 Not if it's an alcohol problem.

00:12:32.000 Not if, like, you need to drink all the time.

00:12:34.000 Or you need to be drunk for you to be able to go on stage.

00:12:38.000 That's not...

00:12:39.000 None of those things are good. 1.00

00:12:40.000 And the thing is, it wrecks your fucking body, man. 1.00

00:12:44.000 It wrecks your body. 1.00

00:12:45.000 It takes away all of your vitality.

00:12:49.000 And so when it takes away your vitality, your energy to create is compromised. 0.98

00:12:54.000 Your energy to just live life and to have inspired thoughts, you're fucking hurting all the time. 0.68

00:13:00.000 Which is even more impressive how Stan Hope and Ron White were so good for all those years. 0.91

00:13:05.000 Yeah, it sort of goes both ways.

00:13:06.000 I feel like there's almost kind of an art, and we see this, right, with a lot of these guys, that I think there's almost something to the art of getting wasted and laying in bed the next day thinking about what's next.

00:13:24.000 I'm not positive of what Chappelle's writing process is at all, but I have a feeling that he's thinking about stuff while recovering the next morning because when else would he do it?

00:13:34.000 And by morning, I mean basically afternoon, right?

00:13:37.000 Because he goes hard in the paint.

00:13:39.000 He has a lot of fun.

00:13:40.000 Yeah.

00:13:42.000 We see it on stage all the time.

00:13:44.000 At the comedy store, he would just plow through bottles of Corona.

00:13:47.000 Another Corona, another Corona, another Corona, and he stays in the zone.

00:13:50.000 He's hilarious, but obviously he's not coming up with this stuff right off the top of his head in the moment.

00:13:56.000 The magician always has his stuff set up.

00:13:59.000 Right.

00:14:00.000 So, like, there's almost something to it.

00:14:02.000 And I'd be interested to know, maybe you know what Doug's process is, but it seems like laying in bed that next morning with a hangover and thinking of something that really stands out to you might sort of be good for that art form.

00:14:14.000 Because if you can make it funny then, if you could think about it then with a headache and your body's sore and you don't want to get out of bed, then it must be funny.

00:14:23.000 Right?

00:14:23.000 Does that kind of make sense?

00:14:25.000 Kind of.

00:14:25.000 What Doug does, one of the things that Doug does is his podcast.

00:14:30.000 And Doug's podcast is basically, I mean, occasionally he has guests on, but oftentimes it's just him and his buddies, right?

00:14:38.000 So they're all hanging around the house and they have, you know, they're at the fun house and they have the setup there.

00:14:44.000 And it's basically Doug holding court talking about things.

00:14:47.000 And in a similar vein to the way Bill Burr creates on his podcast, because Bill Burr is one of the most prolific comics, and I'm pretty sure the way he writes is he thinks about stuff, he has things that piss him off, and then he goes on his podcast and rants about them.

00:15:02.000 And in that ranting, the constant ranting, he creates these things that are like, oh, there's like a glimmer of light in that.

00:15:08.000 There's like a beacon of hope in this bit.

00:15:10.000 Let me turn that into an actual routine.

00:15:13.000 And then I've seen him on stage, and I've seen stuff that I've listened to him talk about on his podcast, he then brings to the stage, and he refines it, and he makes it better.

00:15:24.000 Yeah, he's incredible.

00:15:25.000 I once made an interesting rookie mistake when I was, again, back when I was a door guy at the store.

00:15:34.000 I had never spoken with him before, really.

00:15:37.000 And I had never said anything to him.

00:15:39.000 And he said hi to me one night after he performed on stage.

00:15:42.000 And it absolutely killed so hard.

00:15:46.000 I can't remember what the news story was at the time, but something had just happened days earlier and he was killing for 10 minutes about it.

00:15:54.000 And he came up and he said hi as I'm on the stool on his way to his car in the parking lot.

00:15:58.000 I'm working the back door.

00:16:00.000 And since he said hi to me, I decided to engage and I said something like, hey man, I just want to let you know that was amazing up there.

00:16:07.000 It's crazy how easily you could take something that just happened and And kill with it like that.

00:16:17.000 And he goes, easy.

00:16:20.000 I'm like, yeah.

00:16:21.000 He goes, there's nothing easy about that.

00:16:22.000 I've been writing every day since that happened for the last three days from 9 to 4 p.m.

00:16:28.000 I've been writing.

00:16:29.000 So while you've been doing whatever you've been doing, like nothing is easy.

00:16:32.000 There's nothing easy about it.

00:16:33.000 I sat down and I wrote all that.

00:16:35.000 He taught me an amazing lesson.

00:16:38.000 It was really cool.

00:16:39.000 I was just trying to give him this compliment, and instead he gave me a really, really great insight on how that world works.

00:16:47.000 And you see it with the last dance, Jordan practicing all the time, staying after practice, arriving early to practice.

00:16:55.000 It's a constant.

00:16:56.000 The same with the Tiger Woods documentary.

00:16:58.000 You find out, oh, all he does is practice.

00:17:00.000 All these people that do all these things, it's work.

00:17:04.000 That's also another book that I've finished again recently that I've reread is Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers.

00:17:10.000 Same thing.

00:17:11.000 Putting in the time, like what makes someone exceptional?

00:17:15.000 What makes someone stand out from anyone else?

00:17:17.000 And one of the things he talked about is the Beatles and how often the Beatles would play when they were in Hamburg, that they would play eight hours a day.

00:17:24.000 And they were constantly playing.

00:17:25.000 They were constantly playing. 0.95

00:17:26.000 So when they went back to Liverpool years later, they're like fucking phenomenally better. 0.96

00:17:30.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:17:31.000 Yeah, it's just time.

00:17:32.000 Time and effort and inspiration and being fired up to do something.

00:17:37.000 You know, we were talking about this yesterday that one of the things that happened during the pandemic was a lot of people realized that comedy was almost taken away from everybody.

00:17:45.000 Because it was for a little bit.

00:17:46.000 There was no comedy for a little bit.

00:17:48.000 And that time, it made you really sit and reflect.

00:17:51.000 Like, comedy's been a weekly part of our lives except for rare occasions.

00:17:56.000 Like, rare occasions where you take a little bit of a time off, you know?

00:18:01.000 Yeah, our friends The Nether Hour, they totally started everything that they did together during the pandemic.

00:18:08.000 They had never even played together.

00:18:11.000 Really?

00:18:11.000 Those guys?

00:18:12.000 And they're like, you're a bass player, you're a...

00:18:14.000 No way!

00:18:15.000 That's crazy, because those guys are so good together.

00:18:19.000 Yeah.

00:18:20.000 And they have all those original songs and they are writing and performing all the time.

00:18:25.000 But when you said that thing about the Beatles in Hamburg, it made me think of that because they were locked in together every single day.

00:18:32.000 And all they had were their instruments.

00:18:34.000 So what else did they have to do?

00:18:37.000 That was it.

00:18:38.000 That's where it's at, man.

00:18:39.000 It's just getting obsessed with stuff.

00:18:42.000 We've been doing so many shows lately.

00:18:44.000 Didn't you feel that way in Colorado after we had done four shows on a weekend?

00:18:49.000 We're getting locked in.

00:18:51.000 Because we're just doing so many sets, so much stage time, and so many people, so many different crowds you're experiencing.

00:18:59.000 So we did Sunday, we did Tuesday, Wednesday, and then we flew out to Colorado and did Friday and Saturday in Colorado.

00:19:06.000 So just bang, bang, bang, bang.

00:19:08.000 And you did Monday, too, because Kill Tony.

00:19:10.000 Yeah.

00:19:11.000 So bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

00:19:13.000 It's like, you know, we're so lucky, dude. 0.99

00:19:16.000 Comedy is a fucking amazing thing. 0.96

00:19:18.000 It really is an amazing thing. 0.99

00:19:19.000 So much fun. 0.99

00:19:21.000 So this fucking Dave Chappelle thing is crazy. 0.99

00:19:23.000 Last night, I guess it was, someone attacked him at the Hollywood Bowl. 0.99

00:19:28.000 He's fine.

00:19:29.000 I checked in with him today.

00:19:30.000 He was laughing about it.

00:19:31.000 He's in good spirits.

00:19:34.000 There's a video, actually.

00:19:35.000 He was laughing right afterwards.

00:19:37.000 Yeah.

00:19:38.000 Because Jamie Foxx apparently had a cowboy hat and he jumped on stage to help.

00:19:41.000 Ha ha ha ha. 0.99

00:19:42.000 Jimmy Fox with a cowboy hat jumped on stage to fuck that dude up. 1.00

00:19:47.000 The guy was five foot... 1.00

00:19:49.000 That arm's broken, by the way. 0.99

00:19:52.000 The arms fucked. 0.99

00:19:54.000 It's also like the way they led him into the, like when he got into the actual stretcher, you could see he's fucked. 1.00

00:20:01.000 It's so funny. 0.97

00:20:02.000 You can tell the type of beat up that somebody is when they're getting kicked on the ground from different angles by different people.

00:20:09.000 It's a different type of like beat up look.

00:20:13.000 Yeah.

00:20:14.000 You could tell that that left side of his face was the side that was either on the ground or totally away from everything.

00:20:21.000 And the other side was getting punched.

00:20:22.000 Just everything swollen on the one side. 1.00

00:20:25.000 Yeah, he's fucked. 1.00

00:20:26.000 That guy. 1.00

00:20:27.000 Jesus Christ.

00:20:28.000 You could tell.

00:20:29.000 You can always tell because you saw the actual video?

00:20:32.000 I saw the video.

00:20:33.000 First of all, Dave Chappelle has good hips.

00:20:36.000 Yeah.

00:20:36.000 Because the guy shoots in on him.

00:20:38.000 Yeah, he almost sprawled on him.

00:20:39.000 And he kind of turned with him.

00:20:40.000 He kind of kung-fued him. 0.99

00:20:42.000 Yeah.

00:20:42.000 He came a little like Hedo.

00:20:44.000 Have you watched the video?

00:20:45.000 As the guy's coming in, he's coming in this way and Dave kind of like turns a little. 0.98

00:20:50.000 And it's balls too. 0.94

00:20:51.000 Chappelle's a big boy. 0.99

00:20:52.000 Bigger than you think he is. 0.99

00:20:54.000 Well, the guy's crazy, clearly. 0.99

00:20:56.000 There's something wrong with him. 1.00

00:20:57.000 Look at this.

00:20:58.000 And I mean, there's just no way to describe how not expecting that you are when you're on stage.

00:21:04.000 Yeah.

00:21:05.000 Look at him, he just runs away.

00:21:08.000 And then the comedian clicks in and he comes back because he's like, wait, it's my mic right now.

00:21:13.000 Look at this guy running.

00:21:15.000 Oh my god, that guy's never tackled anybody in his life.

00:21:18.000 Now, Chappelle almost makes it clear out all the way.

00:21:22.000 Yeah, almost.

00:21:23.000 If he just had a little training.

00:21:25.000 See, that was all an instinct.

00:21:27.000 If he just had a little training. 0.68

00:21:28.000 Imagine if he just punted that dude in the head when he went down.

00:21:31.000 Yeah, one of those Masvidal knees.

00:21:33.000 There is no security in the front row at this thing. 0.99

00:21:37.000 There should have been someone there that was scanning the audience for fucking weirdos. 1.00

00:21:41.000 They're ready to sprint. 1.00

00:21:44.000 Crazy.

00:21:44.000 Well, we live in strange times, man.

00:21:46.000 I mean, after the Chris Rock thing, that was one of the things I was worried about.

00:21:50.000 I was like, people are thinking they're going to start smacking comedians now if they don't like what they're saying.

00:21:55.000 And what I'm thinking or what I'm worried about is, you know, people think that's justified.

00:22:02.000 Like, people keep using the same things.

00:22:05.000 I saw an article.

00:22:06.000 They said his transphobic statements. 0.99

00:22:10.000 They're not fucking statements. 0.99

00:22:12.000 They're jokes. 0.98

00:22:13.000 They're not jokes that are transphobic either.

00:22:15.000 They're jokes that feature trans people. 0.99

00:22:18.000 They're not transphobic jokes.

00:22:20.000 His whole bit in that last special that everybody was mad at is essentially a love letter to his friend that killed herself because she was supporting him and she got attacked on stage. 0.99

00:22:31.000 The idea that that in somehow or another is transphobic just because he's talking about a trans person is fucking crazy. 0.99

00:22:37.000 Right. 0.98

00:22:38.000 And they just don't want to be talked about.

00:22:41.000 That's essentially what it is. 0.93

00:22:42.000 Like they're saying it's transphobic if you're even mentioning trans people as a subject, which is bonkers.

00:22:50.000 Yeah, because it's really the opposite, right?

00:22:52.000 That means that they're equal.

00:22:54.000 If you're being included in an American free conversation and obviously a comedy set, Like that means that you're part of the everything else.

00:23:04.000 You're now...

00:23:05.000 Yeah, I mean, of course, everything's part of the everything else.

00:23:09.000 But it's like, if there's stuff that you cannot discuss at all, because it's so hot, the subject can't be brought up.

00:23:17.000 Well, this is a nonsense way of communicating.

00:23:20.000 You can't communicate like that.

00:23:21.000 Right.

00:23:22.000 You can't say people can't discuss topics or discuss something that is prominent in culture right now.

00:23:29.000 I mean, there's a lot of discussions about trans rights and about use of bathrooms and about, you know, trans kids and the White House talks about it.

00:23:41.000 And Jen Psaki was doing an interview and she was crying about it, sort of misrepresenting what the don't say supposedly don't say gay bill in Florida, which isn't don't don't say gay. 0.86

00:23:52.000 You know, it's a weird time because we have to be able to look through the fog.

00:23:57.000 The fog of the anger that we have for the opposite.

00:24:02.000 Or the anger we have for the opponent.

00:24:04.000 Because the way that the Democrats and the way that Republicans look at it today...

00:24:11.000 There's us and there's them.

00:24:12.000 And it's so polarized that anytime something comes up, anything, these subjects, you want to find out what side is on what side of the issue.

00:24:23.000 Is my side on this is okay?

00:24:26.000 Or is my side on this is a bad thing?

00:24:30.000 And that's a lot of what happens with these subjects.

00:24:32.000 Instead of just being able to look at things and just honestly discuss things, things get fit into this polarized lens.

00:24:40.000 Like, somehow or another, Biden was talking about that today.

00:24:44.000 He was talking about He was talking about the Roe vs.

00:24:48.000 Wade thing, and he said something like, what's next?

00:24:53.000 Are we going to stop LBGTQ kids from going to classes with regular kids? 1.00

00:24:59.000 And then he said, this MAGA group is the most extreme political group in US history.

00:25:07.000 So look at the way he connected those.

00:25:10.000 See if you can find that video.

00:25:12.000 I believe...

00:25:13.000 I can send it to you if you can't find it.

00:25:17.000 You got it?

00:25:18.000 It is.

00:25:19.000 Okay.

00:25:19.000 But let me see if it says the whole thing he says about LGBTQ kids first, because that's what he says first.

00:25:26.000 I can send it to you, Jamie.

00:25:28.000 I have a...

00:25:29.000 Okay, let me hear it here.

00:25:31.000 Here it goes.

00:25:33.000 State changes the law saying that children who are LGBTQ can't be in classrooms with other children.

00:25:42.000 Is that is that legit under the way that the decision is written?

00:25:46.000 What are the next things that are going to be attacked?

00:25:49.000 Because this mega crowd is really the most extreme political organization that's existed in American history.

00:25:56.000 Okay, no, that is that's a crazy connection.

00:26:00.000 What he just did is a crazy connection.

00:26:02.000 He went from Roe versus Wade, which I don't know what's happening with that.

00:26:09.000 I don't know if that's real.

00:26:11.000 It's supposedly something was leaked that said they're gonna overturn Roe vs.

00:26:14.000 Wade.

00:26:15.000 I don't, you know, I don't think that's been substantiated.

00:26:18.000 Has that been substantiated?

00:26:19.000 I believe it's still, yeah, it was leaked and I don't...

00:26:23.000 It's not substantiated though, right?

00:26:24.000 As far as like an official decision, yeah, I don't think so.

00:26:26.000 Right.

00:26:27.000 So you have something that has to do with abortion rights.

00:26:30.000 So it's women's rights. 1.00

00:26:31.000 And then how does he connect that to MAGA? Like, how does that, like, look at that way he did that.

00:26:38.000 Like saying that you cannot have an abortion, or abortion's not a federally protected thing under Roe vs.

00:26:46.000 Wade anymore.

00:26:46.000 Going from that to saying, what if they decide to keep LBGTQ kids out of classes to this MAGA crowd, the most extreme political organization in American history.

00:26:58.000 Like, what?

00:26:59.000 How did you get there?

00:27:01.000 Right.

00:27:01.000 How did you get to MAGA? Yeah, because that's the slogan of his opponent.

00:27:05.000 I guarantee you there's some never-Trump Republicans that are pro-life.

00:27:08.000 I guarantee you.

00:27:09.000 There's people that don't like the way Trump behaves and talks, and they don't think that he's a God-fearing Christian, and there's a lot of those folks out there.

00:27:17.000 A ton of them.

00:27:17.000 There's a lot of those folks.

00:27:18.000 This idea that everybody falls into this...

00:27:20.000 It's all the MAGA. It's all the same.

00:27:24.000 If you have any Republican viewpoints, or if you have any conservative viewpoints, that's a sneaky way of connecting Any conservative viewpoints with Trump, which is like, you know, half the people are going to hate it.

00:27:37.000 If you can convince half the people that any idea is a Trump idea, they will immediately hate it.

00:27:46.000 Half the people, right?

00:27:47.000 If they're not paying attention, they're just reading headlines.

00:27:49.000 Half the people will categorize that.

00:27:51.000 That's a Trump idea.

00:27:52.000 That's a MAGA thing.

00:27:53.000 It's kind of an amazing way to dismiss things now.

00:27:56.000 You know, because it used to be people could be conservative.

00:27:59.000 They could be like William F. Buckley and they could have conservative debates on television with Gore Vidal and people would think it was normal.

00:28:04.000 There's a conservative, there's a liberal, they're discussing issues.

00:28:06.000 It's cool to see what resonates with me more.

00:28:10.000 Not anymore, baby.

00:28:12.000 Not anymore.

00:28:12.000 Because now, because of this whole Trump thing and the MAGA thing, they have, it's not just conservative versus liberal.

00:28:20.000 It's like you can put it into this cult of personality, this Trump box, and then you get a 50% return rate on your investment. 0.98

00:28:28.000 Half the people are going to be like, this is, fuck that, that's a Trump thing. 0.99

00:28:32.000 That's a MAGA thing. 0.99

00:28:34.000 Yeah, it's super weird.

00:28:36.000 It's crazy.

00:28:37.000 I think that he may have said that because maybe he's, you know, preemptively and always, I think he's always going to have to worry about the next election.

00:28:46.000 I think he's having a hard time keeping sentences.

00:28:51.000 Yeah.

00:28:51.000 I think he's having a hard time keeping thoughts straight in his head.

00:28:54.000 And this is...

00:28:55.000 If you know forget about What my feelings are about them putting this guy into the position that he's in which I think was insane I was saying it was insane a couple years ago He's a lot worse now, but the thing that gets me is that this is It's this is just a guy is a human being and we're watching a human beings wiring not work right anymore We're watching bulbs fade out And I think he's having a real hard time putting sentences together.

00:29:21.000 Just as a human, you know, like watching him.

00:29:24.000 I feel bad for the guy because I feel like, imagine being in that position and this is his moment in the sun.

00:29:31.000 The lights are on.

00:29:31.000 The preparation's been done.

00:29:33.000 All the fucking rehearsals for this. 1.00

00:29:35.000 The cue cards are written. 1.00

00:29:37.000 He's ready to give the speech and he's just...

00:29:39.000 Barely keeping it together.

00:29:40.000 And not only does he never improvise and never go off the script or never, you know, tweet a crazy feeling that he has about something or anything instinctual that's actually him.

00:29:52.000 I mean, we can feel that.

00:29:53.000 Anybody can notice that.

00:29:54.000 But they're using, like, all these little tricks.

00:29:57.000 I thought to myself the other day, because I was watching one where he just got out of the helicopter, and it's chaos behind him.

00:30:05.000 Right?

00:30:05.000 You know how they do these?

00:30:07.000 Why do they do that?

00:30:08.000 So the parties can't yell questions.

00:30:10.000 No, I'm serious.

00:30:12.000 If he can't hear, then he really can't hear.

00:30:15.000 If he seems overwhelmed, it's because of the sound of the chopper.

00:30:19.000 But I'm like, that's how he is in a quiet room on a fake set behind a podium, struggling to answer this, that.

00:30:26.000 But they do that a lot.

00:30:28.000 Right on the runway, I know.

00:30:29.000 They did it with Trump too.

00:30:31.000 Yeah, but I think it's a little tricky.

00:30:33.000 I think that's what they do when they want to give someone a little bit of an escape, a little bit of an excuse.

00:30:39.000 Well, for the longest time, he would just walk away.

00:30:41.000 Remember?

00:30:42.000 Yeah.

00:30:42.000 They would just ask him questions.

00:30:44.000 And then there was no press conferences.

00:30:46.000 And I feel bad for that Jen Psaki lady. 1.00

00:30:49.000 And everybody says she's shrill and the way she communicates. 0.77

00:30:53.000 But whatever.

00:30:54.000 Imagine having that job. 1.00

00:30:56.000 Fuck that job. 1.00

00:30:57.000 Because she has to debate with people more than the president does. 1.00

00:31:00.000 She has to go back and forth with the press. 0.97

00:31:02.000 And sometimes she says things in confidence. 1.00

00:31:04.000 But just like being on a fucking podcast. 0.98

00:31:07.000 Sometimes you say things and you think it's true while you're saying it. 0.98

00:31:10.000 It turns out it's not, and you represent the President of the United States, and no one's fact-checking you in real time, and it's all happening live on television.

00:31:18.000 Yikes! 1.00

00:31:19.000 Fuck that job. 1.00

00:31:20.000 Everybody who gets it hates it. 1.00

00:31:21.000 The only one was good at?

00:31:23.000 The last lady with Trump.

00:31:26.000 What's her name?

00:31:26.000 Kylie McEnany?

00:31:28.000 Oh, yeah.

00:31:28.000 How do you say her name?

00:31:29.000 Kaylee.

00:31:30.000 Kaylee McEnany.

00:31:31.000 She's the best.

00:31:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:32.000 She's the goat at that shit. 1.00

00:31:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:34.000 Because she would have fucking receipts. 1.00

00:31:36.000 She had like tabs on her notebook. 0.99

00:31:38.000 She would pull right to like when she knew they were coming with a gotcha.

00:31:41.000 Actually, if you would have done your research before asking that question, you would know.

00:31:45.000 She took large dumps on Jim Acosta's head. 1.00

00:31:50.000 Just like, get out of here.

00:31:52.000 It's a funny sort of arena, that press and press secretary.

00:31:58.000 It's like someone speaking for the president, and supposedly these reporters are speaking for the people.

00:32:05.000 It's wild.

00:32:06.000 It's wild that that's how we figure out what's getting done and what's happening.

00:32:13.000 You have to talk to the press secretary.

00:32:15.000 Such an old school system for something. 1.00

00:32:18.000 But it's all this gotcha shit. 1.00

00:32:19.000 The whole thing is gotcha. 1.00

00:32:21.000 The press wants to get her and make her look stupid and she wants to show them that she's the girl boss and I have all the facts. 1.00

00:32:31.000 And here we are. 0.99

00:32:32.000 She doesn't even circle back anymore.

00:32:34.000 Did you notice that?

00:32:35.000 She stopped circling back.

00:32:37.000 Have you noticed?

00:32:38.000 I read something about it.

00:32:40.000 It's funny to hear.

00:32:41.000 I read something about it.

00:32:42.000 I forget.

00:32:43.000 Maybe it's an article or something.

00:32:45.000 And they said something about Jen Psaki not circling back anymore.

00:32:49.000 I said, oh yeah, that was her thing.

00:32:51.000 Circle back.

00:32:52.000 Did she say, like, we'll circle back on that?

00:32:54.000 She doesn't say that anymore.

00:32:56.000 And I think because people started making fun of it.

00:32:59.000 And then also, B, because she doesn't want to circle back. 0.59

00:33:02.000 Because she would already circle back on those other things.

00:33:04.000 Because there was a lot of things she was supposed to circle back on. 0.99

00:33:06.000 She probably has a fucking to-do list that's a mile long. 1.00

00:33:09.000 Look at all the circle back stuff I have to get to. 1.00

00:33:11.000 How long is she circling back before she was in the mainstream media? 0.82

00:33:15.000 Because that's when she couldn't circle back anymore.

00:33:18.000 I just Googled it.

00:33:20.000 There's like enough stuff that it's a thing on Etsy.

00:33:22.000 You can buy circle back merchandise.

00:33:24.000 Oh my God, that's hilarious.

00:33:26.000 Oh my God, I need one.

00:33:28.000 Oh, they got Circle Back Trump 2024. Super Saki. 1.00

00:33:33.000 These are great.

00:33:35.000 Gotta give her credit for breaking that glass ceiling. 1.00

00:33:37.000 They normally don't give redheads a position like that. 1.00

00:33:41.000 Is it a glass ceiling if it's for redheads? 1.00

00:33:44.000 I don't know.

00:33:44.000 But redheaded girls do not have the stigma that redheaded guys do.

00:33:48.000 That's true.

00:33:49.000 Redheaded guys struggle, unless they're Canelo. 1.00

00:33:52.000 That's a good looking redhead. 1.00

00:33:53.000 That's a great point.

00:33:53.000 But he became Canelo because he's a redhead.

00:33:56.000 You know those Mexican kids picking on him all day. 1.00

00:33:59.000 A white redheaded Mexican. 0.61

00:34:00.000 La Rose.

00:34:01.000 Yeah.

00:34:03.000 You know, Louis C.K.'s Mexican. 0.78

00:34:06.000 Oh yeah.

00:34:07.000 Did you know that?

00:34:07.000 Yeah.

00:34:07.000 Yeah, Louis C.K. was actually born in Mexico.

00:34:11.000 Yeah.

00:34:11.000 He's actually more Mexican than Carlos Mencia is.

00:34:13.000 He talks about that in his specials.

00:34:14.000 Oh, really?

00:34:15.000 Yeah.

00:34:16.000 His most recent one?

00:34:17.000 No, no, no.

00:34:18.000 It was like two specials ago.

00:34:19.000 Wow.

00:34:20.000 Two or three specials ago.

00:34:22.000 I think he did.

00:34:23.000 I know he's talked about it on stage four.

00:34:25.000 He's definitely said it before.

00:34:26.000 Because he was actually born in Mexico.

00:34:30.000 Yeah.

00:34:30.000 That's what we should all be paying attention to, by the way, ladies and gentlemen.

00:34:33.000 And this is not saying from a person who's xenophobic.

00:34:37.000 I'm not worried about Mexican immigrants.

00:34:39.000 I'm worried about Mexican cartels. 0.83

00:34:42.000 I'm worried about the people that stay in Mexico. 1.00

00:34:44.000 Like, Mexico is crazy right now.

00:34:46.000 I pay attention to quite a few news pages that are covering the cartel wars, and it's wild, man.

00:34:53.000 It's wild.

00:34:54.000 There's all kinds of shootings down there.

00:34:56.000 Oh yeah.

00:34:57.000 There's shootings in Mexico all the time now, and there's basically gigantic, multi-billion dollar drug rings, and they're going to war with each other.

00:35:07.000 And there's a lot of them, folks, because there's a giant market for fentanyl and cocaine and marijuana and everything else that's illegal in the United States.

00:35:17.000 That comes up from Mexico and because of our drug laws, this is what finances these organized crime gangs.

00:35:25.000 And now they've gotten so big and they're ruthless.

00:35:28.000 They don't have laws that they have to uphold. 0.96

00:35:31.000 It's not like, you know, being a part of Raytheon or being a part of fucking, you know, some other American corporation. 0.91

00:35:38.000 This is a gang that has billions of dollars. 1.00

00:35:42.000 It's a fucking drug gang that has billions of dollars. 1.00

00:35:45.000 And who knows how many sneaky connections with corrupt officials that allow it to exist? 1.00

00:35:52.000 Who knows how many people are profiting so that this stuff gets into America and keeps being distributed to America?

00:35:58.000 And it's right there and nobody's talking about it.

00:36:02.000 All anybody talks about is the poor people that are trying to sneak across for a better life and how horrible it is that some people don't want them to come across and how compassionate these people that want to help them are.

00:36:14.000 That's what the main focus is on.

00:36:16.000 But there's also like terrorists sneaking in.

00:36:18.000 They've caught terrorists.

00:36:20.000 Right.

00:36:20.000 Yeah.

00:36:21.000 I mean, that's how they're...

00:36:22.000 Oh, yeah, they're coming.

00:36:23.000 It's a great way to do it.

00:36:24.000 Yeah, totally.

00:36:25.000 I was in Miami last weekend or two weeks ago and hung out with my really good friend who I've known for years and years.

00:36:33.000 He's Cuban.

00:36:34.000 And he's like, come over Saturday, bring the whole crew.

00:36:40.000 And I did.

00:36:42.000 We all went, me, William, and we...

00:36:47.000 His mom made us this amazing Cuban dinner at this amazing house that they've had forever in Florida.

00:36:52.000 It's been in their family for three decades or whatever.

00:36:55.000 And it's just the coolest, most homestyle meal.

00:37:00.000 And they have a...

00:37:02.000 They have a couple cousins who just came from Cuba there.

00:37:07.000 And we're talking with them.

00:37:09.000 And the rest of the family, mom and my friend, are sort of semi-translating things that they don't get in between.

00:37:17.000 Because we're talking about it.

00:37:19.000 And they said that they had to go through five countries.

00:37:23.000 So they had to whatever over to...

00:37:28.000 What is it considered?

00:37:29.000 South America?

00:37:30.000 Right?

00:37:31.000 What's below...

00:37:32.000 Well, Cuba's not connected to anything.

00:37:35.000 Right.

00:37:35.000 No, not Cuba.

00:37:36.000 They had to go due west and come up that way.

00:37:41.000 And they said they had to go through five countries.

00:37:43.000 So what's south of Mexico?

00:37:46.000 Brazil, right?

00:37:47.000 Where are we?

00:37:48.000 Yeah.

00:37:49.000 So they came through Mexico?

00:37:50.000 Is that what you're saying?

00:37:51.000 I thought you were saying Cuba.

00:37:52.000 Yeah.

00:37:52.000 They're from Cuba.

00:37:53.000 Right.

00:37:54.000 But to get to America.

00:37:55.000 They came through Mexico.

00:37:56.000 They had to go through Mexico, but to get to Mexico, they had to go through blank, through blank, blank, blank.

00:38:02.000 They had to start all the way down there.

00:38:04.000 There it is.

00:38:05.000 You know, that's what that whole convoy was.

00:38:07.000 You remember that giant...

00:38:09.000 What would they call it?

00:38:10.000 They didn't call it a convoy.

00:38:11.000 What would they call it when people were coming up from Mexico?

00:38:14.000 They were watching...

00:38:15.000 Caravan?

00:38:16.000 Caravan?

00:38:17.000 So, show that again.

00:38:19.000 That map, please.

00:38:20.000 When you look at that, these people were coming up.

00:38:23.000 See where Mexico is?

00:38:24.000 People were coming up from Guatemala, from Honduras.

00:38:28.000 They were getting all these people, and they were walking all the way up into Mexico.

00:38:33.000 Now, How do you think something like that happens?

00:38:36.000 How do you think you get all these families and, you know, kids and parents and everyone all together to just start walking up there?

00:38:43.000 If we all walk, we're gonna make it.

00:38:45.000 Like, how does that work?

00:38:47.000 I can't even begin to fathom.

00:38:49.000 Who puts that together?

00:38:51.000 Is that organizers?

00:38:52.000 Is there like a clandestine purpose for something like that?

00:38:57.000 Is there someone pulling the strings behind that going, listen, we're going to organize and we're going to get all these people and just bum rush the fence.

00:39:04.000 We're going to talk them into it.

00:39:06.000 Give them food and water and take care of them along the way.

00:39:10.000 And we're going to make a lot of press available to this.

00:39:13.000 So they're going to come in and take photos and videos.

00:39:15.000 We'll get it all up on the internet and get it all up on YouTube and in the news.

00:39:19.000 And then people will know.

00:39:21.000 I mean, how do these people know each other in different countries?

00:39:25.000 Are they talking online?

00:39:26.000 Are they all getting together on Reddit and they're trying to figure out where to meet?

00:39:29.000 What are they doing?

00:39:30.000 Yeah.

00:39:31.000 How is this happening?

00:39:32.000 Who organizes that?

00:39:34.000 And where'd it go?

00:39:35.000 Just stopped.

00:39:36.000 One of the things that I found extra interesting was the fact that they had to pay...

00:39:41.000 There's a certain...

00:39:42.000 There's like a ticket fee for America.

00:39:44.000 Basically, once they stop you at the thing, what I found out from hanging out with this family, this Cuban family in Miami, was that...

00:39:54.000 It's a ticket.

00:39:55.000 It's like $15,000.

00:39:56.000 I'm like, so what makes the difference?

00:39:59.000 So basically you have to have a family member, someone that you can call that's here, like the cousin in Miami, and say, yes, that is my cousin.

00:40:09.000 I will take care of them.

00:40:10.000 I'll give them a start.

00:40:11.000 I have an extra bedroom they can stay in.

00:40:14.000 Okay, you can pay the $15,000 to get them over the other end.

00:40:19.000 Right.

00:40:20.000 So...

00:40:21.000 Really, that's the price that America is saying this is the ticket.

00:40:27.000 Did you say $15,000?

00:40:28.000 I'm pretty sure it's $15,000.

00:40:30.000 That's a lot.

00:40:31.000 Yeah.

00:40:32.000 If you get hit with that, can you get hit with it more than once?

00:40:34.000 Yeah.

00:40:35.000 They had to pay 30 because they have two cousins.

00:40:37.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:40:38.000 Right.

00:40:39.000 So it happens quick.

00:40:40.000 So what if you get busted a second time?

00:40:44.000 Like, is this once you're over here and you pay that fee, now you have to worry about being deported, right?

00:40:49.000 How often do people get deported?

00:40:51.000 Let's find that out.

00:40:52.000 How many people get deported?

00:40:53.000 Let's just guess.

00:40:54.000 How many people get deported from the United States every day?

00:40:58.000 Every day?

00:40:59.000 Let's guess.

00:41:02.000 I would say 1,000 a day.

00:41:04.000 1,000 a day?

00:41:05.000 That might be high.

00:41:06.000 That might be high.

00:41:07.000 I'm going to say 500 a day.

00:41:11.000 But how many people come in every day, illegally?

00:41:17.000 I'd say 1,001.

00:41:20.000 I'd say it's more than 1,000.

00:41:22.000 I'd say it's more than 1,000 a day.

00:41:24.000 Coming in per day has to be at least 2,000.

00:41:30.000 Yeah, I think that's probably about right.

00:41:32.000 But how do they know?

00:41:33.000 Because if they know, if they can count them, they should catch them.

00:41:37.000 If you're just counting them as they run across the border, like, hey, that's not helping.

00:41:41.000 You have a bad system.

00:41:46.000 It's like, how do you...

00:41:48.000 How do they do that?

00:41:51.000 I don't know.

00:41:52.000 But it's very strange that we're connected with a country that's so completely different.

00:41:59.000 I mean, you just walk...

00:42:02.000 A certain amount of minutes from San Diego and everyone's in a different country.

00:42:07.000 Speaking Spanish, everything's different. 0.86

00:42:10.000 ICE deportations fell in April to lowest monthly level on record enforcement data shows.

00:42:16.000 A year ago.

00:42:17.000 A year ago.

00:42:17.000 What did it say?

00:42:18.000 It was just under 3,000 people for the month.

00:42:22.000 Oh, 3,000 deportations.

00:42:24.000 For the whole month.

00:42:26.000 Yeah, but that's still...

00:42:28.000 3,000 deportations.

00:42:30.000 That's a lot.

00:42:34.000 What were we thinking?

00:42:35.000 A day?

00:42:36.000 We were thinking a thousand a day?

00:42:37.000 Is that what you...

00:42:38.000 It was 3.2 million during Obama's...

00:42:41.000 A day?

00:42:42.000 No, no.

00:42:42.000 A month?

00:42:43.000 The eight years.

00:42:44.000 Oh.

00:42:44.000 Eight years.

00:42:45.000 That's why I was going to start doing the math.

00:42:47.000 Oh, so it went way up.

00:42:49.000 So it went way up.

00:42:53.000 During his entire administration, so for eight years, it was three million?

00:42:56.000 This data says about two million were deported between 2009 and 16 during the presidency of...

00:43:04.000 This is a very bad sentence.

00:43:08.000 Bush, comma, about two million people were deported, comma, while between 2009 and 2016. So it's written bad.

00:43:16.000 Okay, and so now, what did you say it was?

00:43:19.000 It was 2,900 a month?

00:43:20.000 Yeah.

00:43:21.000 So I guess...

00:43:22.000 So it's 36,000 a year.

00:43:25.000 Yeah.

00:43:28.000 Could be a quarter million for eight years?

00:43:30.000 That's way under.

00:43:31.000 It's like 10%.

00:43:32.000 It's way under.

00:43:33.000 So I guess I'm confused.

00:43:35.000 And also, how accurate is this?

00:43:39.000 I was going to ask you when you were getting into it.

00:43:41.000 What reasons deported to where?

00:43:45.000 On a plane?

00:43:47.000 Right.

00:43:47.000 And what I was going to say is, is it lower because of the pandemic?

00:43:53.000 That's what I thought that was going to say, but it was...

00:43:55.000 I don't know.

00:43:56.000 Because clearly...

00:43:58.000 Well, during the pandemic is also when there was the whole... 0.99

00:44:00.000 the scandal about the whole people at the border in cages and shit and all that weirdness. 0.91

00:44:10.000 Do you remember the Mike Pence one? 0.98

00:44:11.000 That one always weirded me out, man.

00:44:13.000 Mike Pence is down at the border, and all those folks that were immigrants are in cages, and he's walking around, and he's, like, not making eye contact with them, and it looks...

00:44:23.000 It looks very strange.

00:44:24.000 See if you can find that.

00:44:25.000 It struck me as very strange.

00:44:28.000 Because it didn't strike me.

00:44:30.000 I don't know what his mindset was.

00:44:36.000 Watch this.

00:44:37.000 Take a look at this.

00:44:44.000 He said we get three tacos a day.

00:44:47.000 So look.

00:44:48.000 Look at Pence.

00:44:49.000 He's looking at the lighting.

00:44:50.000 Yeah.

00:44:51.000 Like he's looking like above these people's heads.

00:44:54.000 He's not looking at them at all.

00:44:56.000 He's just like scanning them as a group and he's got his arms crossed and he's having a conversation with this cop.

00:45:04.000 He said, you don't have the space.

00:45:05.000 We have watchtowers up here.

00:45:06.000 The watchtower is so close to pick anyone that gets rowdy so we can pull them out quickly.

00:45:12.000 So they have watchtowers, and they have these people, like, how many dozens in there, fenced into a cage, and Pence isn't even looking at them.

00:45:21.000 Look at, he's got his back turned to it.

00:45:23.000 That's weird, man.

00:45:24.000 Isn't that weird?

00:45:25.000 Like, wouldn't you be... 0.95

00:45:27.000 You would be, first of all, maybe he feels disrespectful staring at those people, because it is kind of fucked that they can't get out and you're staring at them. 0.95

00:45:34.000 It's kind of weird. 0.88

00:45:34.000 It's probably got weird energy. 0.88

00:45:36.000 But...

00:45:38.000 As a human being who's seeing these other human beings that have been captured, wouldn't you feel empathy? 0.98

00:45:43.000 Wouldn't you feel like, wow, this is a fucked up situation? 0.96

00:45:47.000 What are these guys running from that it's worth getting arrested here? 0.99

00:45:50.000 What is life like for them?

00:45:52.000 What are they escaping?

00:45:54.000 It's so much worse than this, that they're willing to take this chance. 0.96

00:45:57.000 And our standards and our understanding of what life should be Is so elevated in America that if you look at some of the poorest places in Mexico, they're fucking right there, man. 0.89

00:46:10.000 They're not far at all. 0.74

00:46:11.000 Just outside of Tijuana, some incredibly poor areas.

00:46:14.000 And you think, like, if you know you're stuck there and you're not going to ever get out and this is just going to be your life forever...

00:46:21.000 You'll take some wild ass chances.

00:46:23.000 But for a guy like Mike Pence, that's not a neighborhood that exists in his mind. 0.92

00:46:28.000 You know what I mean?

00:46:29.000 That's not like a place that he can go to.

00:46:31.000 Like, oh yeah, I remember when I was a kid and we had a dirt floor and we would try to catch wild chickens because we had no food for dinner and we were thinking about how to sneak over into America someday.

00:46:42.000 That's what's going on in these people. 0.96

00:46:44.000 And there's fucking thousands of them coming across every day. 0.99

00:46:47.000 Oh, that was the other thing. 1.00

00:46:48.000 How many illegal immigrants do they estimate coming to America each day?

00:46:53.000 Because a lot of...

00:46:54.000 Republicans talk about...

00:46:56.000 It's weird.

00:46:56.000 Republicans talk about it a lot and Democrats want to pretend it's no big deal.

00:46:59.000 I think the same article is saying that there is 50,000 detained on any given day.

00:47:05.000 So I don't know.

00:47:06.000 It goes up and down and it stays at 50. 50,000 a day.

00:47:10.000 No, no, no.

00:47:11.000 50,000 detained.

00:47:12.000 Not like...

00:47:13.000 Oh, not like arrested.

00:47:14.000 Oh, I see.

00:47:16.000 Incarcerated.

00:47:17.000 Currently incarcerated.

00:47:18.000 50,000 per day.

00:47:20.000 How many new ones are coming in, do you think?

00:47:21.000 How many people are keeping those cages?

00:47:23.000 What do they do when the cages get full?

00:47:25.000 Guess what?

00:47:25.000 It's your lucky day, Tony.

00:47:27.000 We can only keep 50,000 in this cage.

00:47:29.000 So you are 50,001, so we're going to give you a bus ticket to...

00:47:34.000 Tacoma.

00:47:35.000 Go to Washington State.

00:47:37.000 Nearly 6,000 undocumented immigrants apprehended daily at US-Mexican border in April. 1.00

00:47:43.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:47:45.000 6,000 a day. 1.00

00:47:47.000 That's bigger than the crowd that we had in Colorado.

00:47:53.000 Wow.

00:47:53.000 For each show a day.

00:47:55.000 Damn. 1.00

00:47:56.000 That many people. 1.00

00:47:58.000 Oh my goodness.

00:47:59.000 That's wild, dude.

00:48:00.000 That's a lot of people.

00:48:04.000 Crazy times.

00:48:05.000 That's a good way to look at it, right?

00:48:06.000 Because we've done 6,000 seat arenas and theaters and you could see it in your head what 6,000 looks like.

00:48:13.000 You know? 1.00

00:48:14.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:48:16.000 But of course they are. 1.00

00:48:17.000 Of course they're doing that.

00:48:19.000 Anybody that doesn't think they should be doing that, you don't live there.

00:48:23.000 If you lived there, you would think you should be doing that.

00:48:28.000 100%.

00:48:29.000 Recently, an average of around 1,500 people daily have evaded law enforcement at the border.

00:48:35.000 The number of so-called gotaways that the agency detects through a variety of technological and other tracking efforts, according to the official.

00:48:44.000 I don't like the way they're saying that.

00:48:45.000 I know.

00:48:46.000 What do you got? 1.00

00:48:47.000 Fucking satellites watching the border? 1.00

00:48:52.000 It's all... 0.99

00:48:54.000 I mean, if you were...

00:48:56.000 Of the Tim Foyle hat.

00:48:59.000 You know, if you were of that persuasion, you would look at this and you'd go, you guys, why haven't you fixed that?

00:49:05.000 Do you want people to come across?

00:49:07.000 Do you want it to be easy?

00:49:08.000 Is that how the drugs get over here?

00:49:10.000 Like, what is...

00:49:11.000 How do the drugs get over here?

00:49:14.000 They bust them with tunnels every now and again, which are wild.

00:49:18.000 The one that they found in Tijuana, did you see that one?

00:49:21.000 It was the most sophisticated drug tunnel they've ever discovered.

00:49:25.000 It had lights.

00:49:28.000 Where did it go to?

00:49:30.000 I'm not sure.

00:49:31.000 There's quite a few of them, though.

00:49:32.000 They find them all the time.

00:49:34.000 Because you have to realize the amount of money that the cartel has, or the cartels, excuse me, have.

00:49:39.000 There's so many of them.

00:49:41.000 And they're selling billions and billions of dollars worth of drugs every year.

00:49:44.000 They're selling fentanyl, and they're selling fake Xanax, and they're selling...

00:49:49.000 And, you know, it's just...

00:49:51.000 There's a never-ending thirst to escape your normal state of consciousness.

00:49:55.000 And all they have to do is get us the supplies.

00:49:58.000 And they can have helicopters and hippos and tanks.

00:50:02.000 Machine guns.

00:50:03.000 Crazy.

00:50:04.000 It's a tunnel.

00:50:05.000 I don't know how long it was.

00:50:06.000 Record long tunnel found on U.S.-Mexico border.

00:50:09.000 How long was it?

00:50:10.000 Does it say?

00:50:11.000 I was trying to find more information about...

00:50:15.000 It's so funny how easy it is to get into Mexico.

00:50:17.000 You're just like, hi.

00:50:18.000 You just wave.

00:50:24.000 Hi.

00:50:25.000 Mariana Van Zeller, she's a woman that, she's been on my podcast a couple of times, and she has this show.

00:50:32.000 What's her new show called?

00:50:33.000 Trafficked?

00:50:34.000 Trafficked, yeah.

00:50:35.000 And 180 foot long subterranean tunnel found in Mexicali, Baja, California, near the border.

00:50:44.000 Wow.

00:50:46.000 But she, what was I going to say about her? 0.99

00:50:51.000 God damn it. 1.00

00:50:52.000 Drugs. 1.00

00:50:52.000 Mexico. 1.00

00:50:53.000 I know.

00:50:53.000 Traffic.

00:50:54.000 I'm trying to remember what my point was. 1.00

00:50:57.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:50:58.000 I lost it. 1.00

00:50:59.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:51:01.000 It's Mike Tyson marijuana. 1.00

00:51:02.000 I blame the Mike Tyson marijuana.

00:51:04.000 That stuff's strong.

00:51:05.000 Ridiculously strong.

00:51:07.000 It's very good. 0.97

00:51:11.000 Goddammit, I don't remember what my point was. 0.74

00:51:13.000 My point was something about marijuana and getting it into the country, drugs.

00:51:19.000 How easy it is to get in to Mexico?

00:51:22.000 Oh, that's what it was.

00:51:23.000 Thank you.

00:51:24.000 One of the episodes, she worked with these dirty cops, and they were bringing guns to the cartel from California.

00:51:34.000 So these dirty cops were selling, and they had been selling for years, AK-47s, machine guns, pistols, everything, selling it to the cartel.

00:51:44.000 And so she films these people.

00:51:46.000 They're all blurred out.

00:51:47.000 They open up the trunk of their car, and it's filled with illegal guns.

00:51:52.000 That they've confiscated and then they sell and then these dirty cops drive through the border into Mexico and they make millions of dollars selling these guns to the cartels It's wild dude. 1.00

00:52:05.000 It's wild because it's so easy to get into Mexico So you just have a truckload of fucking illegal guns nobody gives a fuck go through Go ahead. 0.99

00:52:15.000 Hi! 1.00

00:52:16.000 Enjoy your tacos.

00:52:17.000 You know?

00:52:19.000 Have fun in Tulum.

00:52:20.000 Just wave.

00:52:21.000 It's wild.

00:52:22.000 It's crazy.

00:52:22.000 You just get right through.

00:52:23.000 But coming back up, they check your asshole with a microscope. 1.00

00:52:25.000 Right. 1.00

00:52:26.000 You know? 1.00

00:52:26.000 They fucking cut your tires open and find cocaine in them. 1.00

00:52:29.000 They have dogs sniff your car. 1.00

00:52:31.000 You know?

00:52:32.000 Yeah.

00:52:34.000 They find a seed. 1.00

00:52:35.000 They find something, those dogs, man, those fucking dogs that they use for those, they have a dog that's like, they're specific to a smell. 1.00

00:52:44.000 So whatever that smell is, that dog's getting a treat. 1.00

00:52:46.000 So if it's fentanyl, they just move around that car and they're like, this fucking trunk is dirty! 0.99

00:52:53.000 And then pull you over and you're done. 0.99

00:52:55.000 There's so many people trying to get into the United States border every day in that line.

00:53:00.000 It's such a slow-moving line.

00:53:02.000 But the one in New Mexico, whew, just trunks full of guns.

00:53:07.000 Incredible.

00:53:08.000 Because that's how they get their guns.

00:53:10.000 You've got to think, man, if you're working for the police, and you're a dirty cop, and you know people that are in the cartel, or you know a connection to someone who's in the cartel, and they tell you, hey, I'll give you $50,000 for an AK-47.

00:53:25.000 You're like, what?

00:53:27.000 When you're talking about someone who has that kind of money, it's like Jeff Bezos type money, but they're just selling fentanyl.

00:53:33.000 And they need AK-47.

00:53:35.000 So I could give you a lot of money for it.

00:53:37.000 What does it cost normally?

00:53:38.000 Five grand?

00:53:38.000 I'll give you ten times that.

00:53:40.000 That's all they'd have to do.

00:53:41.000 And people would get together and they'd go, look, we got one trunk full.

00:53:45.000 That's half a million dollars. 0.99

00:53:46.000 Let's fucking go. 1.00

00:53:47.000 Let's fucking go. 1.00

00:53:48.000 Cash. 1.00

00:53:49.000 Yeah.

00:53:49.000 Cash.

00:53:50.000 And we could do this once a month. 0.98

00:53:51.000 And the next thing you know, we're making fucking six million dollars a year. 0.98

00:53:54.000 Come on. 0.99

00:53:55.000 Oh, I don't know.

00:53:56.000 What about what if we get caught?

00:53:58.000 You know, there'll be those kind of conversations, but a lot of people must be doing it.

00:54:03.000 I wonder how they get their stuff.

00:54:04.000 I bet a lot of it comes from China, right?

00:54:06.000 Like, that's where a lot of the fentanyl chemicals come from. 0.99

00:54:09.000 The stuff that they use to make fentanyl, all the precursors and all that shit. 0.98

00:54:14.000 That stuff comes from China. 0.98

00:54:16.000 But China probably works with them.

00:54:18.000 Like, I think there's probably people in China that most certainly would do business in Mexico to sell illegal drugs to the United States.

00:54:27.000 Wouldn't you?

00:54:28.000 No doubt.

00:54:29.000 Why not?

00:54:29.000 You could poison your enemy from right underneath it, like literally in its basement.

00:54:34.000 Like poison the enemy by just getting more and more fentanyl and more and more hard drugs into the kids.

00:54:41.000 No doubt.

00:54:42.000 Meanwhile in China, you get on TikTok and they're showing athletic achievements, science accomplishments.

00:54:47.000 You know, they're showing people, you know, how to create and how to be inspired and how to really contribute to your country. 0.98

00:54:56.000 Their big moves, the big movies rather, are all movies where a Chinese guy kicks the shit out of an American. 1.00

00:55:03.000 Is that true? 0.99

00:55:04.000 Are we the bad guy over there?

00:55:05.000 Yes.

00:55:06.000 Oh, man.

00:55:07.000 We're not just the bad guy.

00:55:09.000 In Spider-Man, the recent Spider-Man, when they tried to send it over to China, China did not want the scene where they fought on the Statue of Liberty.

00:55:20.000 They didn't want the Statue of Liberty in there.

00:55:22.000 Like, take it out of the movie.

00:55:25.000 Did they take it out?

00:55:27.000 And Marvel's like, no.

00:55:28.000 Marvel said, no.

00:55:29.000 We're drawing a line in the sand.

00:55:30.000 Ooh.

00:55:32.000 Because China dictates a lot of stuff in terms of what gets done in movies.

00:55:37.000 They change scripts for the way that Chinese people, if they say they're not going to buy this or they're not going to allow it in their market, because they cannot allow a movie. 0.99

00:55:49.000 If there's a movie that the Chinese government doesn't approve of, they go, fuck that movie. 0.99

00:55:53.000 And that's it. 1.00

00:55:54.000 You don't get in.

00:55:55.000 And then, if you're a movie business, the amount of money...

00:55:59.000 One thing we found after John Cena apologized to China in Mandarin, we looked it up.

00:56:04.000 The amount of money that that movie made opening weekend...

00:56:08.000 In China was the vast majority of the money.

00:56:12.000 It was something like they made $160 million opening week and 140 of it was from China.

00:56:19.000 And I was like, oh no.

00:56:22.000 You hear that and you go, oh wow.

00:56:25.000 Yeah.

00:56:25.000 Okay.

00:56:26.000 Anybody will apologize in Mandarin.

00:56:28.000 Oh, I'll learn Mandarin. 0.98

00:56:29.000 I'll learn the shit out of some Mandarin. 1.00

00:56:31.000 What does it say here? 0.98

00:56:32.000 Domestic. 0.83

00:56:33.000 Is this from that movie?

00:56:35.000 So this is like total.

00:56:37.000 Is that opening week?

00:56:38.000 Or that's total domestic?

00:56:39.000 It's just total.

00:56:40.000 Okay.

00:56:41.000 So it says worldwide...

00:56:43.000 Yeah, so this was early on.

00:56:44.000 Worldwide, it says 721. At one point in time, the...

00:56:48.000 If you look up when John Cena apologized opening weekend profits China, because that was when...

00:56:57.000 So either way, that...

00:56:59.000 It wasn't open anywhere else there.

00:57:00.000 Oh, is that what it is?

00:57:01.000 Right, but that's also another reason why he has to apologize to China, because that's all their money. 1.00

00:57:05.000 If they pull it out of China, they're fucked. 0.99

00:57:08.000 But actually, you know what? 1.00

00:57:09.000 At this point in time...

00:57:11.000 I feel like if something like that happened, and they pulled it out of China, and everybody heard they pulled it out of China, and then it became like a big thing, it'd probably be amazing publicity.

00:57:22.000 It has it broken down by country.

00:57:24.000 China was $215 million of opening weekend screens, 240,000.

00:57:31.000 Wow.

00:57:32.000 So opening weekend was $128 million, whereas the whole thing was like 140 or 160. I forget the whole number.

00:57:42.000 The whole entire opening weekend, most of it was coming out of China.

00:57:47.000 But that doesn't make sense if China was open and the rest of the world wasn't.

00:57:50.000 What movie is it again?

00:57:51.000 Fast and Furious.

00:57:53.000 Right.

00:57:53.000 That's what's crazy.

00:57:54.000 It's like, look how much money that movie makes in other countries.

00:57:58.000 Except Uruguay.

00:57:59.000 Uruguay gave it like $18,000.

00:58:01.000 Scroll up a little bit.

00:58:03.000 No, back to where it was.

00:58:04.000 So it was 18 grand.

00:58:06.000 Oh, Switzerland.

00:58:07.000 Italian-speaking Switzerland.

00:58:08.000 It only made 18 grand.

00:58:11.000 Wow.

00:58:12.000 Italian-speaking Switzerland?

00:58:14.000 What? 0.99

00:58:15.000 How that is so fucking specific? 0.99

00:58:18.000 Five screens. 0.98

00:58:18.000 Yeah, five screens. 0.98

00:58:20.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

00:58:21.000 But it's funny how those movies, those shoot-em-up explosion, fuck you, look at my biceps movies, those movies kill it in other countries. 1.00

00:58:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:58:31.000 People love that shit. 1.00

00:58:33.000 Die Hard's world famous. 1.00

00:58:35.000 Oh my god.

00:58:36.000 Well, but Die Hard was still world famous in America.

00:58:39.000 Die Hard's kind of a holiday movie.

00:58:41.000 You know?

00:58:41.000 It's a Christmas movie.

00:58:42.000 A lot of ways.

00:58:43.000 It's kind of like a little bit of the Scrooge aspect of it.

00:58:46.000 You know? 1.00

00:58:47.000 You got a guy who's like losing his family because he's a piece of shit and realizes it and saves the day and becomes a hero in the end. 1.00

00:58:55.000 Let's get the hero's journey all written into it. 1.00

00:58:57.000 There's some tricky little secret Christmas movies out there.

00:59:00.000 Do you know Edward Scissorhands is a Christmas movie?

00:59:02.000 Really?

00:59:03.000 Really?

00:59:03.000 Yeah.

00:59:04.000 It's like a Christmas movie.

00:59:06.000 I can't remember why I know that, but I remember the last time I saw it, I'm like, this is crazy.

00:59:12.000 This is a Christmas movie.

00:59:13.000 You know what's great?

00:59:14.000 It's A Nightmare Before Christmas.

00:59:15.000 Yeah.

00:59:16.000 That's a great movie.

00:59:17.000 You want to know what's really great, though?

00:59:19.000 And I can't remember.

00:59:20.000 I think we talked about this.

00:59:21.000 I can't remember whether you said you saw it or didn't see it, but Mel Gibson plays Santa Claus.

00:59:27.000 No, I haven't seen it.

00:59:28.000 Is it really good?

00:59:30.000 I can't wait until next Christmas only to watch this movie in like a Christmassy vibe again.

00:59:36.000 And I just saw it this past one and it is so cool.

00:59:39.000 It's like he actually plays like the most badass Santa of all time who's actually, you know, at the North Pole and is a real guy.

00:59:48.000 Dude, it's the coolest.

00:59:49.000 It is like John Wick meets Christmas.

00:59:53.000 Yeah, I saw the preview for it.

00:59:55.000 It looked pretty funny.

00:59:56.000 And the way that they have just enough Christmas magic in it mixed with all these crazy guns.

01:00:02.000 And he has a serious threat.

01:00:04.000 Like, military-grade threat.

01:00:07.000 Santa Claus drives a red old pickup truck.

01:00:09.000 That's Santa Claus?

01:00:10.000 Dude, it's so cool.

01:00:12.000 They made him like a real guy.

01:00:15.000 I'm glad Mel Gibson made a comeback. 0.99

01:00:18.000 I was bummed out at him getting arrested and saying a bunch of wild shit about Jews. 0.98

01:00:24.000 I love that dude. 0.99

01:00:25.000 I love his work.

01:00:26.000 He's a hell of a movie maker. 0.75

01:00:28.000 I mean, he's a crazy dude, but I think you need to be crazy to be that good of an actor. 0.79

01:00:34.000 Watch him in Braveheart and tell me what sane guy you want playing that role. 0.98

01:00:38.000 There's certain moments that could be achieved in film only through mad men and mad women.

01:00:45.000 You need wild people.

01:00:47.000 Watching Roseanne last night made me feel that at a thousand miles an hour, right?

01:00:54.000 I'm thinking to myself, well, this It's been a while since she's done it.

01:00:59.000 She's one of the goats. 0.99

01:01:01.000 But it's been a while since she's done it. 0.99

01:01:04.000 And also, people say she's crazy. 1.00

01:01:08.000 You know what I mean?

01:01:09.000 And she's up there so this could go off the rails quick.

01:01:12.000 And it made every single second that much more enjoyable. 0.99

01:01:15.000 Because you're like, holy shit, she's doing it. 0.99

01:01:17.000 Oh my god, she's got it. 0.99

01:01:18.000 And then at one point, not to give anything away, but she ends up saying, I'm crazy.

01:01:23.000 And you're like, oh my god, she knows.

01:01:25.000 It's just that vibe...

01:01:26.000 Of great pure stand-up comedy where you're like, oh my god, she's saying what we're all thinking at the moment that we're thinking it.

01:01:34.000 And like, you know, just brilliant flow.

01:01:37.000 Crazy, man.

01:01:38.000 No, she's awesome. 1.00

01:01:40.000 But she is insane. 0.99

01:01:41.000 But in a good way.

01:01:42.000 But yeah, like, but with acting, it's also, it's not, it's a different kind of thing, right?

01:01:48.000 Because you're pretending that you're really emotionally connected to this scene that you're having with this other person.

01:01:54.000 You're screaming at them and like, Like Daniel Day-Lewis.

01:01:58.000 The guy's gotta be out of his mind.

01:01:59.000 Gotta be out of his mind.

01:02:01.000 Like, for him to play that I Drink Your Milkshake guy in There Will Be Blood, for him to play that guy, that guy is one of the most complex, terrifying, and yet sympathetic characters.

01:02:13.000 Like, what an insane character.

01:02:15.000 And the way he played it, believable for every second of every frame of every part of the movie that you show.

01:02:24.000 It was amazing. 0.98

01:02:25.000 Like, think of fucking Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross when he reads off that Coffees for Closers. 0.99

01:02:34.000 That's a mean man right there. 0.99

01:02:36.000 That's a guy like, play that. 1.00

01:02:39.000 That's a motherfucker who knows how to be mean. 1.00

01:02:42.000 Like, that's mean for real. 1.00

01:02:44.000 You know, like, he's pulling into some...

01:02:48.000 I mean, Kevin Spacey was mesmerizing in House of Cards.

01:02:51.000 I don't think you can get a person who's not crazy to play crazy as good as an Alec Baldwin can play crazy.

01:02:59.000 Down.

01:03:05.000 Coffee's for closers only. 1.00

01:03:09.000 You think I'm fucking with you? 1.00

01:03:13.000 It's young, handsome Alec Baldwin. 1.00

01:03:15.000 Look at him. 1.00

01:03:16.000 I am not fucking with you. 1.00

01:03:18.000 I'm here from downtown. 1.00

01:03:20.000 I'm here for Mitch and Murray.

01:03:22.000 And I'm here on a mission of mercy.

01:03:29.000 Your name's Levine. 1.00

01:03:33.000 You call yourself a salesman, you son of a bitch? 1.00

01:03:37.000 I don't gotta listen to this shit. 1.00

01:03:38.000 You certainly don't, pal. 1.00

01:03:40.000 Because the good news is you're fired.

01:03:43.000 The bad news is you've got all you've got just one week to regain your job, starting with tonight.

01:03:50.000 Starting with tonight's sit.

01:03:54.000 Oh.

01:03:55.000 Have I got your attention now?

01:04:00.000 Good.

01:04:03.000 Because we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest.

01:04:07.000 As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado.

01:04:10.000 Anybody want to see second prize?

01:04:13.000 Second prize, a set of steak knives.

01:04:16.000 Alright, we get it.

01:04:18.000 It's not as good as I thought it was.

01:04:21.000 I guess you gotta see it in the whole context of the movie.

01:04:24.000 I felt like it was...

01:04:25.000 I haven't seen it in so long.

01:04:28.000 But it's also just part of it.

01:04:29.000 It gets heated up towards the end.

01:04:32.000 But to be one of those people...

01:04:35.000 Whether it's Mel Gibson or any of these actor types that are just insanely good in a movie. 0.58

01:04:41.000 You gotta be a little crazy.

01:04:43.000 Insanely good. 0.98

01:04:44.000 Makes you wonder what we don't know.

01:04:45.000 You know what I mean?

01:04:47.000 Yeah.

01:04:49.000 These people, like, I mean, even that!

01:04:51.000 Talk about insane and doing good in a movie.

01:04:53.000 I didn't see the movie, but...

01:04:56.000 Clearly, one of the most obvious signs of mental illness that we've seen lately, publicly, is Will Smith, in my opinion, slapping Chris Rock from the front row, walking over and doing that.

01:05:08.000 And then 30 minutes later, he won Best Actor.

01:05:11.000 Yeah.

01:05:11.000 So I think that's exactly what we're talking about here, right?

01:05:14.000 Exactly what we're talking about.

01:05:16.000 Exactly.

01:05:16.000 Yeah.

01:05:17.000 I mean, he's an amazing actor.

01:05:18.000 Yeah.

01:05:19.000 Right?

01:05:19.000 I mean, he shows emotion in his films.

01:05:21.000 It's so real.

01:05:23.000 Yeah.

01:05:23.000 So wild.

01:05:24.000 The guy's probably always on the verge of crying.

01:05:26.000 Yeah.

01:05:26.000 He's probably a mess.

01:05:27.000 Yeah.

01:05:28.000 And, I mean, the way his wife smiled after Chris Rock got slapped, the whole thing was just, oh my god.

01:05:38.000 Like, he's under a spell.

01:05:39.000 He's being captured by witchcraft.

01:05:44.000 It's creepy. 1.00

01:05:45.000 He's the fucking one of the biggest movie stars ever. 1.00

01:05:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:48.000 And lives in hell. 1.00

01:05:50.000 Television stars ever.

01:05:51.000 And lives in hell.

01:05:52.000 You see that video where she was following him around the house, like filming him?

01:05:56.000 And he's like, don't use me for clout.

01:05:57.000 My social media is like very important to me.

01:05:59.000 And she turns the camera herself like...

01:06:02.000 Like, as if...

01:06:03.000 And she put that up. 1.00

01:06:04.000 As if people are not going to watch that and go, are you fucking crazy? 1.00

01:06:07.000 Here's another example. 1.00

01:06:09.000 Johnny Depp's and Amber Heard's trial.

01:06:11.000 Like, whoa.

01:06:13.000 You feel jealous that some people are movie stars?

01:06:17.000 Do you?

01:06:17.000 Yeah?

01:06:18.000 You want to know what they're like behind the scenes?

01:06:20.000 Yeah.

01:06:20.000 And when this one witch convinces this super millionaire to not sign a prenup?

01:06:25.000 So she can weasel all the money out of him and throws a fucking glass bottle and cuts his finger off, beats him up and then goes to the press and tells everybody that Johnny beat her. 1.00

01:06:35.000 Lies and says that she had to use a specific makeup to cover up all the abuse that he gave her. 1.00

01:06:41.000 And the makeup company says, we didn't even make that makeup back then. 0.99

01:06:45.000 She got so specific, which is something that people who are full shit do. 0.99

01:06:48.000 They add a lot of unnecessary details. 0.99

01:06:51.000 If she just said I had to put makeup on to cover up, she'll have like a very specific makeup. 0.98

01:06:55.000 She's on the stand right now.

01:06:56.000 Oh, let me hear this.

01:06:58.000 Give me something.

01:06:58.000 This is live.

01:06:59.000 I have no idea what they're talking about.

01:07:00.000 Give me something.

01:07:03.000 That, you know, I didn't...

01:07:05.000 I didn't...

01:07:08.000 Internalize like I didn't make that big of a deal of it.

01:07:10.000 I'm you know, I've kind of pride myself on being tough and You know, I don't make a big deal out of You know smaller injuries and I know that sounds horrible because it and hard maybe to understand but I mean my best way to cope with it is I kind of You know,

01:07:36.000 minimize it, make sure no one, make sure he knows that I'm tough and can't knock me down and make a joke of it, clearly.

01:07:50.000 Make light.

01:07:53.000 I'm going to...

01:07:54.000 Michelle, if you can take this one down and...

01:07:58.000 I've seen enough.

01:07:59.000 Yeah.

01:08:00.000 She was examined by some psychologist that said she may have some sort of borderline personality disorder.

01:08:08.000 That was like during the trial.

01:08:10.000 Was it Johnny Depp's guy or was it an independent person that examined her?

01:08:16.000 Because it was Johnny Depp's guy, I tell you, with a little grain of salt.

01:08:20.000 In this article on NPR, she spoke on her own behalf after her legal team presented a clinical psychologist who said she was diagnosed with panic disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder.

01:08:29.000 That's something different.

01:08:30.000 Yeah, that's different.

01:08:31.000 This is a couple of days ago.

01:08:34.000 Some said they diagnosed her.

01:08:38.000 So, Depp is suing her for $100 million in defamation.

01:08:42.000 He won't let it go.

01:08:43.000 This has been going on for years.

01:08:44.000 He won't let it go.

01:08:45.000 He's hounding her.

01:08:46.000 Now he's actually got her on stage. 0.97

01:08:48.000 And the thing is, on the stand, you see how crazy she is, and also you get to hear the recordings of how crazy she is. 0.99

01:08:56.000 Like, the recorded audio of them fighting is fucking hell. 1.00

01:09:00.000 It's hell. 1.00

01:09:01.000 It's just straight hell. 0.97

01:09:03.000 You just imagine being trapped in that Fucked up relationship just going oh my god and So everybody now knows the truth. 0.91

01:09:13.000 They now know this isn't like some like Some nice person was involved in this mean person the mean person hit the nice person and the nice person is just trying to get by That's not what's going on.

01:09:23.000 No.

01:09:24.000 This was like two insane people involved in a relationship where Johnny was famous from the time he's 20 years old, right?

01:09:31.000 Like how?

01:09:33.000 How do you figure that out?

01:09:34.000 How do you navigate life like that?

01:09:36.000 What are your tools that make you different than everybody else who's ever been famous when they're really young? 0.99

01:09:41.000 Because they all develop fucked up. 0.97

01:09:43.000 And then her. 0.99

01:09:44.000 Psychologists hired by Johnny Depp testified that Amber Heard has borderline personality disorder.

01:09:49.000 Shannon Curry said she believes Heard was grossly exaggerating when asked about having PTSD symptoms.

01:09:56.000 Of course.

01:09:58.000 That's a thing that people can just say, like anxiety.

01:10:01.000 I have anxiety.

01:10:02.000 Who doesn't? 1.00

01:10:02.000 Who the fuck doesn't have anxiety? 1.00

01:10:04.000 Right. 0.99

01:10:04.000 And what are you doing with your time? 0.99

01:10:06.000 Are you just laying around your house all day?

01:10:08.000 Yeah, no wonder you have anxiety.

01:10:10.000 That's not good.

01:10:10.000 That's not normal.

01:10:11.000 Like, if you go to the gym every day and, you know, you take a class and you work out hard or you go for a mile run and you fucking do some sit-ups and push-ups and then you have anxiety? 0.76

01:10:20.000 Let's talk. 0.58

01:10:21.000 Because you might actually have anxiety.

01:10:23.000 But if you're just laying around...

01:10:26.000 I know people that say they have anxiety, and I'm like, what'd you do today?

01:10:30.000 Nothing.

01:10:31.000 Couldn't get off the couch.

01:10:32.000 What?

01:10:33.000 How'd you get here?

01:10:33.000 On my phone all day.

01:10:35.000 How'd you get here if you couldn't get off the couch?

01:10:36.000 How were you here?

01:10:38.000 You got off the couch.

01:10:39.000 Well, I couldn't earlier.

01:10:40.000 Oh.

01:10:42.000 Well, I guess you're powerless.

01:10:44.000 Couldn't get off the couch. 1.00

01:10:46.000 You could get off the fucking couch. 1.00

01:10:47.000 You just tell yourself when you go to bed, go to bed at whatever time you go to bed. 1.00

01:10:51.000 Say, I'm going to get up at whatever time.

01:10:53.000 I'm going to eat breakfast at this time.

01:10:55.000 And then at that time, I'm going to exercise.

01:10:58.000 And just do it.

01:10:59.000 Just do it. 1.00

01:11:00.000 Sucks. 0.98

01:11:01.000 Don't want to do it. 0.98

01:11:01.000 I know. 0.98

01:11:02.000 Just go through the motions.

01:11:03.000 Don't even have to go through it that hard.

01:11:05.000 Just get a sweat going.

01:11:06.000 Get going.

01:11:07.000 I guarantee you.

01:11:09.000 Once you start moving, it'll be easier.

01:11:11.000 And once you start sweating, it'll be easier.

01:11:13.000 And then, then, and only then, tell me how you really feel.

01:11:17.000 Because you don't even know how you feel.

01:11:19.000 You know how you feel when you don't do anything. 1.00

01:11:21.000 You know how you feel when you don't do anything and you lay around and you feel like shit? 0.99

01:11:24.000 Yeah, duh. 0.99

01:11:25.000 I do too. 1.00

01:11:26.000 I feel like shit. 0.99

01:11:28.000 I do things every day. 1.00

01:11:29.000 But if I don't do things every day, I'll feel like shit. 0.95

01:11:32.000 That's how it works for people. 0.93

01:11:33.000 That's what makes a person.

01:11:34.000 I like to live both sides of it sometimes.

01:11:37.000 Well, you like a little relaxation, but you work hard.

01:11:39.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:11:40.000 Today I have scheduled a...

01:11:41.000 It's May 4th, so there's a special Star Wars hot yoga going down tonight.

01:11:47.000 Downtown Austin that I'm going to be taking part in.

01:11:50.000 No shame in my game.

01:11:52.000 May the 4th be with you.

01:11:52.000 That's right.

01:11:53.000 I forgot about that.

01:11:55.000 That's today.

01:11:55.000 I'm pumped about that.

01:11:57.000 That's been fun lately.

01:11:58.000 Hot yoga is crazy, man.

01:12:00.000 Yeah, it is crazy.

01:12:02.000 Hot yoga is the best.

01:12:03.000 It is a miserable, miserable hour in which, just like any workout, that first 10 minutes is like, what am I doing?

01:12:10.000 This was a mistake.

01:12:11.000 And then something clicks in and it just...

01:12:14.000 And if you can make that 30, you know, that last 30 minutes.

01:12:18.000 Yeah.

01:12:19.000 Last 30 minutes is rough.

01:12:20.000 Yeah.

01:12:21.000 We do a 90-minute yoga class, and it's 105 degrees. 0.98

01:12:24.000 The last 30 minutes is fucking rough. 0.98

01:12:26.000 And you're dripping. 0.99

01:12:28.000 Continuous drips.

01:12:29.000 I looked the other day, and there was a moment where I saw five drops come off me at once.

01:12:36.000 Whatever I was doing, and I'm like, maybe I'm going too hard.

01:12:40.000 Maybe this is too much.

01:12:42.000 And then immediately I'm like, nah, come on.

01:12:44.000 Let's go.

01:12:44.000 What, are you going to die?

01:12:46.000 Do you bring a hydro flask with you filled with ice water?

01:12:49.000 Just a regular bottle of water.

01:12:51.000 Yeah?

01:12:51.000 Yeah, it does.

01:12:51.000 It gets warm throughout.

01:12:53.000 Dude, listen to me.

01:12:53.000 I wish I should do something better.

01:12:55.000 I got, when I used to go to Bikram's in Agora, I got one of these 64-ounce hydro flasks.

01:13:01.000 It's this big-ass jug.

01:13:02.000 And I fill it up with ice.

01:13:04.000 Yeah.

01:13:04.000 And then I fill it up with water.

01:13:05.000 And it's so fucking hot in there, the ice melts in the water. 0.82

01:13:09.000 And the water is perfectly cold. 0.94

01:13:11.000 It's like a perfect balance of having enough ice and enough water and keep it in there.

01:13:16.000 Dude, that's the move. 0.87

01:13:17.000 Because it's too fucking hot. 0.98

01:13:19.000 You need cold water. 0.97

01:13:21.000 Or you're going to have less effort.

01:13:23.000 I want to put out maximum effort.

01:13:24.000 So when I have some water, I want to have a little cold water.

01:13:27.000 Or a little ice in my water.

01:13:30.000 I'm more used to it now though because of sauna.

01:13:33.000 Like I can do a yoga session easier now than ever before.

01:13:38.000 Just I'm so used to being under heat exposure that 105 degrees doesn't feel that bad.

01:13:43.000 Like my body can get back to normal easier.

01:13:46.000 It's weird like that.

01:13:46.000 Your body's adaptable to heat.

01:13:48.000 They also turn on the humidity in those things, though.

01:13:51.000 There's an extra oomph to it.

01:13:53.000 In the hot yoga room?

01:13:55.000 Yeah.

01:13:55.000 There's been a couple times where they're like, the heat's working today, but the humidity machine is off.

01:14:00.000 Oh.

01:14:00.000 It's getting repaired, and it was a noticeable difference.

01:14:04.000 Easier.

01:14:05.000 Oh yeah, with just heat.

01:14:08.000 When you add humidity, which this place is like, I go to the place that's like famous for being torturous. 0.74

01:14:14.000 Like you're supposed to like, they want to kill you.

01:14:16.000 And you're supposed to sort of take breaks throughout.

01:14:19.000 And they tell you that it's okay.

01:14:20.000 Like don't go passing out to be a legend.

01:14:22.000 You know what I mean?

01:14:23.000 Like, take a break if you need it.

01:14:26.000 And uh...

01:14:28.000 What was I just saying?

01:14:29.000 Yoga.

01:14:30.000 Hot yoga.

01:14:30.000 Yeah.

01:14:31.000 Torture.

01:14:31.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:14:32.000 Mike Tyson wheat.

01:14:33.000 Yes, exactly.

01:14:34.000 This is Mike Tyson's wheat.

01:14:35.000 It really, really is crazy.

01:14:37.000 It's called the toad.

01:14:38.000 Yeah.

01:14:39.000 I feel like the guy that sat behind him on that airplane right now.

01:14:43.000 Beat up.

01:14:45.000 Yeah.

01:14:46.000 But, yeah, hot yoga for yourself.

01:14:48.000 It's very good.

01:14:49.000 It's one of the best things ever.

01:14:52.000 And it also, like, if you can get through it, man.

01:14:54.000 I used to go there and there was this old lady that would go. 0.99

01:14:57.000 And I think she was, like, deep into her 70s.

01:15:01.000 And that lady was tough as nails. 1.00

01:15:03.000 She went through every fucking class. 1.00

01:15:05.000 She was there every day I was there. 1.00

01:15:07.000 She was always doing it.

01:15:08.000 All the dudes in the class, they're like older guys that look young.

01:15:12.000 So I'm like, I have to be doing this right.

01:15:16.000 This has to be the correct move.

01:15:18.000 These guys all seem happy.

01:15:19.000 They seem zen.

01:15:20.000 They're not annoying.

01:15:21.000 It's like, you know.

01:15:22.000 So you have to be resilient to be able to get through one of those classes.

01:15:27.000 With that said, I have the craziest pet peeve.

01:15:30.000 You're not supposed to talk in a yoga room, you know?

01:15:32.000 And sometimes people will be talking.

01:15:35.000 I don't like that.

01:15:35.000 Oh, it drives me crazy.

01:15:37.000 Don't talk.

01:15:37.000 Oh my god.

01:15:39.000 It's almost like Curb Your Enthusiasm style because I'm deciding, do I want to say, shh?

01:15:45.000 Do I want to say, hey?

01:15:47.000 I'm trying to figure out.

01:15:48.000 And then I say nothing and the instructor comes in and I'm like, I let them get away with that.

01:15:53.000 It sort of bothered me.

01:15:55.000 Oh, you mean the beginning of the class before the class?

01:15:57.000 Yeah, right before the class.

01:15:58.000 And it even says on the door, like you're entering a silent zone or whatever it says.

01:16:02.000 There's a yoga word for it, whatever.

01:16:05.000 Yeah.

01:16:06.000 But it is so annoying.

01:16:08.000 That's not good.

01:16:09.000 Yeah.

01:16:10.000 The worst is when someone starts asking you questions.

01:16:12.000 So then they start forcing you into a conversation while you're trying to be in your calm, zen mind, getting ready for your yoga class.

01:16:19.000 Because getting ready for a yoga class is a lot like getting ready for jiu-jitsu.

01:16:23.000 You've got to warm up a little. 0.99

01:16:24.000 You've got to prepare yourself because you're going to go through some shit. 0.99

01:16:26.000 You've got to get ready. 0.99

01:16:28.000 You've got to psychologically prepare yourself. 0.98

01:16:30.000 If someone's like, hey man, did you see fucking Yellowstone last night? 0.99

01:16:34.000 Ugh. 0.99

01:16:35.000 Ugh.

01:16:37.000 And it's even worse if they're not talking to you, kind of.

01:16:40.000 Because in there, it's affecting you just as much as if they were talking to you. 0.98

01:16:43.000 But now you get to hear two dumb sides of a conversation. 0.90

01:16:47.000 Like, no, I didn't see Yellowstone, but I DVR'd it. 0.58

01:16:51.000 My DVR's not working right now.

01:16:53.000 I'm like, what is going on here? 0.72

01:16:55.000 Are you people crazy?

01:16:56.000 Like, if you're talking here, you must be talking everywhere 100% of the time continuously. 0.94

01:17:01.000 About nothing.

01:17:02.000 Movie theaters, people that talk in movie theaters.

01:17:05.000 Ooh, that's another one.

01:17:06.000 Oh, that's a rough one.

01:17:07.000 And not just that, but they text in movie theaters, so their phone lights up.

01:17:11.000 So you see them in front of you, and you see a phone lighting up, and you're like...

01:17:16.000 That's the thing about going to a movie theater is it makes a movie better if everybody's good.

01:17:21.000 Especially a comedy.

01:17:22.000 I remember I went to see Something About Mary.

01:17:25.000 We saw it in the movie theater.

01:17:27.000 And it was...

01:17:28.000 Steve Sharippa said it best.

01:17:30.000 He said they were killing like a comic was on stage.

01:17:33.000 That's what the new Jackass movie was like in theaters.

01:17:36.000 Oh my god.

01:17:37.000 And I kept thinking it throughout the whole time.

01:17:39.000 The first five minutes in, I'm like, wow, this feels like a stand-up show.

01:17:42.000 It has beats, continuous, absolute continuous beats, moments that are funny.

01:17:47.000 I need to see it.

01:17:48.000 Some moments to different people.

01:17:51.000 It's so epic because they have a budget now.

01:17:53.000 Like they get to do whatever they want now. 0.99

01:17:57.000 I can't believe that Johnny Knoxville, after breaking his dick, still does those stunts. 1.00

01:18:02.000 His dick's broken, right? 1.00

01:18:05.000 I don't want to give anything away, but chaos happens in this one. 1.00

01:18:08.000 Doesn't he need to use a pump on his dick because he broke it in one of those stunts? 1.00

01:18:12.000 Well, I don't know about that. 1.00

01:18:13.000 Did you hear that?

01:18:14.000 Yes, yes.

01:18:15.000 A pump?

01:18:15.000 To pump out what?

01:18:16.000 To get his dick hard. 1.00

01:18:17.000 Really? 1.00

01:18:18.000 Yes.

01:18:20.000 Whoa.

01:18:21.000 Yeah, something went wrong.

01:18:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:25.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:18:26.000 Bro, they get hurt. 1.00

01:18:27.000 Like, real hurt, for real.

01:18:29.000 Like, hit by bulls hurt.

01:18:32.000 Stomped. 1.00

01:18:33.000 You know, the kind of hurt where you could die. 0.99

01:18:35.000 Johnny Knoxville, on the time he broke his penis, so much has been said about so little. 0.99

01:18:43.000 What a great line! 0.99

01:18:47.000 Stunt performer tried to perform a backflip on a motorcycle in 2007 when the bike flew into the air and landed on his crotch. 0.98

01:18:55.000 The subsequent injury to his penis meant that he had to use a catheter for three and a half years. 1.00

01:19:03.000 Holy fuck, dude. 1.00

01:19:09.000 Wow. 1.00

01:19:09.000 I broke my gym dog a number of years ago. 1.00

01:19:12.000 He calls his dick his gym dog. 0.99

01:19:14.000 I broke my gym dog a number of years ago. 1.00

01:19:17.000 It's been well documented.

01:19:18.000 So much has been said about so little.

01:19:20.000 The injury was no close call to adding.

01:19:22.000 The doctor said a couple of centimeters down, it would have been out of commission.

01:19:26.000 But I've had two children since then, so it's in great working order. 0.99

01:19:30.000 Okay, so the thing about him having a pump is bullshit. 0.99

01:19:33.000 So it's the catheter. 1.00

01:19:35.000 It's like one of those things.

01:19:36.000 Look at him up there.

01:19:37.000 That's the new one.

01:19:39.000 Oh, gee, he gets hit by a bull in the new one?

01:19:40.000 Yeah.

01:19:41.000 Because they pay homage to the time that the bull knocked him out before in this time.

01:19:46.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:19:47.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:19:48.000 Yeah, spoiler alert. 1.00

01:19:49.000 This time it's worse.

01:19:50.000 No, I don't want to hear that.

01:19:51.000 But it's great.

01:19:52.000 It's great, though. 1.00

01:19:53.000 He's out of his fucking mind, man. 1.00

01:19:54.000 Look at Wee Man's face when this is happening in the corner. 1.00

01:19:59.000 Jesus Christ.

01:20:00.000 This is so unnecessary.

01:20:02.000 Those guys, I'm telling you, this one is a masterpiece.

01:20:06.000 I'm sure.

01:20:07.000 I've heard nothing but good things.

01:20:09.000 Nothing but good things.

01:20:10.000 Jesus Christ, man.

01:20:12.000 What were you talking about before we talked about John Cassidy?

01:20:15.000 Uh, comedies.

01:20:17.000 Comedy movies.

01:20:18.000 Oh, yeah, seeing something in a movie theater, it's like you get that thing of, like, going to see a comic in a club.

01:20:23.000 We're all laughing together, this contagious laughter, you know?

01:20:27.000 But the problem is, like, some people just, especially in this day and age where people are so damn addicted to their devices, they can't not look at their phone for an hour and a half.

01:20:36.000 They have to check their phone.

01:20:37.000 They have to be texting in the middle of it, and they don't even have night mode on, so they turn the phone on.

01:20:43.000 It's blinding white, and you see it all around you while you're watching.

01:20:47.000 You have to kind of, like, ignore this half of your eyesight.

01:20:50.000 And out here in Austin, there's...

01:20:52.000 Almost exclusively only theaters that have waiters and waitresses.

01:20:58.000 It's really different here.

01:21:00.000 It's an Alamo draft house tradition that sort of started here and now the other places all do it.

01:21:07.000 So when that happens...

01:21:10.000 It even gets a little bit crazier because now people pull out their phones to look at their receipt or to look at the menu or to look at their bill or whatever.

01:21:18.000 And so it happens.

01:21:19.000 And they do that 15 minutes before the movie ends or whatever.

01:21:23.000 So it's sort of comedy clubby in that way, movie theaters here.

01:21:27.000 You almost need like a chin strap type baseball hat deal.

01:21:31.000 Yeah, that'd be good.

01:21:33.000 A little shelf that comes up.

01:21:34.000 Yeah.

01:21:35.000 Just like how a baseball hat blinds out the sun.

01:21:37.000 You need a chin strap deal so you can watch a movie without looking at anybody's phone.

01:21:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:21:42.000 Like, I don't want to see your bullshit. 1.00

01:21:43.000 Something that comes up to, like, right here. 0.99

01:21:45.000 So you can just watch the whole screen and nothing but the screen.

01:21:48.000 It's actually not a bad idea.

01:21:49.000 But you know if you did that, someone would leave their phone on and they wouldn't be able to get to it.

01:21:53.000 Sorry, the shelf is up right now.

01:21:55.000 Just be ringing.

01:21:56.000 They make these goggles for basketball so that when you dribble, you don't look down.

01:22:01.000 That would probably be the exact same thing.

01:22:03.000 Interesting.

01:22:04.000 Is that for drills?

01:22:06.000 Yeah, it cuts off like half your vision.

01:22:07.000 Have you ever done it?

01:22:09.000 Whoa.

01:22:10.000 That sounds like a yes.

01:22:12.000 I mean, these didn't exist when I was like 12 and needed to practice dribbling like this.

01:22:16.000 There was something very close to it, but not quite like that.

01:22:19.000 Huh.

01:22:21.000 That's interesting.

01:22:22.000 Well, that seems to be a thing that would benefit from just like consistent repetition, dribbling, like knowing the exact reaction the ball's going to have so you know where it's going to be when you're moving around.

01:22:35.000 You know, yeah, you don't want to look at that, I would imagine.

01:22:38.000 And I imagine you could get away without, like a guy who's really good at cards.

01:22:42.000 They can right in front of you.

01:22:44.000 They just have a feel for it.

01:22:45.000 They don't have to think about it. 0.99

01:22:47.000 That's what's so amazing about people, is that we can learn shit. 0.99

01:22:50.000 You know? 0.99

01:22:50.000 That's really amazing. 0.99

01:22:52.000 Like, when you watch someone who's really good at something, and you watch they learn, especially if it's something that you can't do, like fucking gymnastics or something, watch them perform some floor routine, and you go, wow! 0.95

01:23:03.000 Like, look what you figured out how to do with your body. 0.94

01:23:06.000 Like, how weird is that?

01:23:08.000 Or, you know, someone who's, like, really good at anything athletic that's weird, like...

01:23:14.000 David Blaine is teaching magic now.

01:23:16.000 Oh boy.

01:23:16.000 You can buy his class online.

01:23:18.000 I think you have to become a sorcerer.

01:23:20.000 I think he's legitimately a sorcerer.

01:23:23.000 David Blaine was so talented it's kind of creepy.

01:23:27.000 His magic, like he did it right in front of us in the green room, we were watching him like a hawk. 0.98

01:23:32.000 I didn't see a goddamn thing. 0.99

01:23:33.000 Did you see anything? 1.00

01:23:34.000 Again, I was trying.

01:23:36.000 I thought I knew when he was going to do it, where he was going to do it.

01:23:39.000 I set myself up in an angle. 0.99

01:23:40.000 I felt like I was being a dick. 0.99

01:23:41.000 I was like, I want to know. 1.00

01:23:43.000 Couldn't fucking tell. 1.00

01:23:44.000 Jamie was like on that shit like a hawk on a power line. 1.00

01:23:47.000 You couldn't tell. 1.00

01:23:49.000 Could not tell.

01:23:50.000 I saw David Copperfield flying when I was a kid. 1.00

01:23:52.000 I was like, look at the fucking string, Dad. 0.99

01:23:53.000 Look, it fucking ruins it. 1.00

01:23:55.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:23:56.000 Yeah, there's an old Teddy Bergeron joke about going to see Peter Pan.

01:24:03.000 And there's a little kid and he's going to see Peter Pan.

01:24:05.000 It's like, wow, this is amazing.

01:24:07.000 Look, Peter Pan's flying.

01:24:09.000 And he goes, and there's always someone in the audience going, he's on a wire!

01:24:13.000 He's on a wire!

01:24:15.000 Look, Santa Claus isn't real and he's on a wire!

01:24:19.000 Ha ha ha!

01:24:21.000 That's hilarious.

01:24:23.000 It's true.

01:24:24.000 It's like people want to see behind the curtain.

01:24:27.000 Who'd you say?

01:24:28.000 Teddy Bergeron.

01:24:29.000 Do you know who Teddy Bergeron is?

01:24:30.000 Is that the guy that hosted Hollywood Squares or something?

01:24:32.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:24:35.000 That's Todd Bergeron?

01:24:36.000 No.

01:24:37.000 What's his name?

01:24:38.000 He's got a very similar name, too.

01:24:40.000 He hosted Dancing with the Stars or something, right?

01:24:42.000 Didn't he?

01:24:44.000 He was Tom.

01:24:47.000 Tom Bergeron?

01:24:49.000 Yeah, he was on television in Boston when I lived in Boston.

01:24:53.000 He was like a local television personality.

01:24:55.000 And then he became national when he was on...

01:24:57.000 He was Dancing with the Stars, right?

01:24:59.000 Isn't that what he hosted?

01:25:00.000 And he hosted that, like, forever.

01:25:02.000 Yeah, Hollywood Squares first.

01:25:04.000 Yes.

01:25:04.000 So, oh, he did host that as well.

01:25:06.000 So, Teddy Bergeron was one of the first guys to come out of Boston that really cracked on The Tonight Show.

01:25:15.000 He was brilliant.

01:25:16.000 But Teddy liked to party.

01:25:20.000 And I don't mean like to party.

01:25:21.000 Teddy liked to go into other dimensions and wake up on a park bench.

01:25:25.000 Wow. 0.98

01:25:25.000 And he just would get fucked up and mess things up. 0.98

01:25:31.000 And in his prime, though, like, damn, he was good. 0.99

01:25:36.000 I saw him when I was an open miker, and I had only done comedy, like, I think once or twice. 0.98

01:25:40.000 And I went to an open mic, and I was waiting, and he, you know, dropped in to do, like, ten minutes.

01:25:45.000 So he dropped in to do ten minutes, and I was almost like, I should just quit.

01:25:49.000 I should quit.

01:25:49.000 He was so polished.

01:25:51.000 It was so smooth.

01:25:52.000 All of his bits were so well thought out.

01:25:55.000 I was like, wow.

01:25:56.000 He's so good.

01:25:57.000 But substances.

01:26:00.000 Yeah, that's him.

01:26:01.000 Play some of that.

01:26:02.000 That guy likes to party?

01:26:04.000 Basically, the two years were spent trying to figure the people out there because they're somewhat different.

01:26:09.000 I remember one night I was playing my stereo really loud about three in the morning, blaring through the room, and a little old lady that lives in the next apartment started banging on my door. 0.83

01:26:18.000 What the hell's the matter with you?

01:26:21.000 Turn the bass up! 0.97

01:26:28.000 Sure.

01:26:28.000 But I'm back in New York, East Coast, where people are normal.

01:26:31.000 A little too normal.

01:26:32.000 Too formal here.

01:26:33.000 So I dress tonight like this because it's an officious city.

01:26:37.000 Today, someone asked me for the correct time.

01:26:39.000 Hadn't heard that in a long time.

01:26:40.000 Excuse me, young man.

01:26:41.000 Have you got the correct time?

01:26:42.000 I have a meeting.

01:26:43.000 I need the correct time.

01:26:44.000 As opposed to what?

01:26:45.000 The incorrect time?

01:26:47.000 I mean, who wants to know that?

01:26:48.000 Bright, sunny day.

01:26:49.000 Man's walking along a beach.

01:26:50.000 Have you got the incorrect time?

01:26:51.000 It's midnight.

01:26:52.000 Thank you.

01:26:59.000 Pause.

01:27:00.000 That's not good.

01:27:01.000 Yeah, it's not quite how we remember.

01:27:03.000 Little Glen Gary, Glen Ross vibes there.

01:27:06.000 No, way worse.

01:27:07.000 You know what it is? 0.99

01:27:08.000 It's like, that's a Tonight Show set, and you gotta fucking water everything down. 0.98

01:27:12.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:27:14.000 That's four years before I even saw him.

01:27:16.000 You gotta see him in the clubs.

01:27:19.000 He was a great comic.

01:27:23.000 Those Tonight Show sets are the worst.

01:27:25.000 You're standing out there.

01:27:26.000 You don't even have a microphone.

01:27:27.000 It's not a comedy club audience.

01:27:29.000 You're moving your hands around because you don't know what to do with them because you're not holding a mic.

01:27:33.000 Right.

01:27:33.000 It's the opposite of a real club with phones locked up.

01:27:36.000 It's the opposite of it.

01:27:37.000 What's worse, because you're not even really at a club.

01:27:41.000 You're at a TV taping.

01:27:43.000 So there's this artificial pressure.

01:27:45.000 Right.

01:27:45.000 It's daytime.

01:27:46.000 People don't realize.

01:27:47.000 It's like four in the afternoon.

01:27:48.000 That's also 1980s comedy.

01:27:50.000 The thing about 1980s comedy is you have to put it in the context of 1980s.

01:27:55.000 You really do.

01:27:56.000 I mean, obviously you have guys in the 80s that were producing stuff that's like top of the food chain, like Pryor and Eddie Griffin, or Eddie Griffin, sure.

01:28:04.000 I don't know when he started, actually, but I met Eddie Murphy.

01:28:07.000 And then also, of course, Kinison.

01:28:09.000 And Kinison and then Dice Clay.

01:28:11.000 So Kinison is like 85, 86, he pops.

01:28:15.000 So you gotta think of that.

01:28:17.000 Like, that's when people change what they thought of as comedy.

01:28:20.000 And it's wild when you go back and watch...

01:28:23.000 Like, I wouldn't tell any of those jokes.

01:28:24.000 And if you were telling those jokes, I'd be like, get rid of that one. 0.99

01:28:27.000 That one sucks. 1.00

01:28:27.000 Get rid of it. 1.00

01:28:28.000 Get rid of it.

01:28:29.000 But it's like...

01:28:30.000 And I'd be like, I thought so.

01:28:32.000 Thank you.

01:28:33.000 But it's one of those things that's like, back then, I'd be like, those are solid jokes.

01:28:38.000 If we were living in the 80s. 1.00

01:28:39.000 We were idiots. 1.00

01:28:41.000 Nobody knew any better. 1.00

01:28:42.000 Yeah.

01:28:43.000 Like the culture has changed so much and so many more people contribute into like the conversation about what's good and what sucks and what's interesting and what's cliche and... 0.91

01:29:00.000 It's such a fucking accelerated time for the change in human culture. 0.63

01:29:06.000 I don't know if we really recognize how accelerated it is. 0.96

01:29:10.000 I think it's happening so fast and it's a part of us while it's happening.

01:29:14.000 So it just seems normal.

01:29:15.000 Just normal.

01:29:16.000 Normal day. 0.96

01:29:17.000 But if you go back and look at it over the context of like from 1984 to today, like holy shit, what a difference. 0.89

01:29:24.000 What a monumental difference in the world, how much it's changed since 1984. I mean, it's not that long ago, man. 0.87

01:29:35.000 You know, it's 38 years.

01:29:37.000 It's not that long, but it might as well be a thousand.

01:29:41.000 It might as well be from another time.

01:29:44.000 Weird, blurry television images and That's how old I am.

01:29:49.000 And that's what's crazy.

01:29:51.000 I feel like...

01:29:52.000 What year were you born?

01:29:53.000 84. Wow.

01:29:55.000 And I feel like people...

01:29:57.000 I don't know.

01:29:59.000 I just feel like I got to sort of live it all.

01:30:01.000 Because I remember there being rotary phones.

01:30:03.000 And I remember when this thing, the internet, was starting.

01:30:08.000 Yeah.

01:30:12.000 Crazy.

01:30:12.000 What a wild time.

01:30:14.000 I remember when VHS tapes came out.

01:30:16.000 That's how old I am.

01:30:18.000 Wow.

01:30:18.000 I remember when people couldn't watch TV unless you were at home when the show aired.

01:30:23.000 Right.

01:30:24.000 And then they came out with this thing where you could tape things.

01:30:27.000 Yeah.

01:30:27.000 And play it back later.

01:30:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:30:29.000 I remember that.

01:30:30.000 I mean, I was very young, but, like, yeah, I had one of those, like, rock-solid, big-ass TVs that you couldn't do anything with.

01:30:37.000 You needed a dolly or multiple people or whatever.

01:30:40.000 I remember there were VHS tapes and then you could hook two VCR players together and you could copy tapes.

01:30:52.000 So then they came out with a thing There was like a little hole in the back of the tape that wouldn't let you copy it.

01:31:00.000 But then people figured out all you have to do is put a piece of tape over that little hole, and then you can copy it, right?

01:31:07.000 Is that how it worked?

01:31:08.000 Is my memory accurate?

01:31:10.000 It's like the first copyright protection.

01:31:13.000 It was like a tab that was removed, right?

01:31:15.000 Oh, you'll never be able to copy now.

01:31:17.000 I'll pull this little piece of plastic out.

01:31:19.000 And you could just duct tape over it, and then it would be good to go.

01:31:23.000 It's almost like there was a little thing, and if it set into that little hole that it left, it wouldn't record. 0.99

01:31:28.000 What am I, a little fucking baby? 0.99

01:31:31.000 That thing! 1.00

01:31:31.000 That's the little tab! 1.00

01:31:32.000 I do remember it!

01:31:33.000 Snap that tab off like a gangster. 1.00

01:31:35.000 Fuck you! 1.00

01:31:36.000 This thing's done! 1.00

01:31:38.000 No one's ever getting in here.

01:31:40.000 Another one I thought of recently was how cool it was to have a Walkman with a CD in it and how often those would skip.

01:31:46.000 And how like that skip delay, there was like three second skip delay.

01:31:49.000 You had to either turn it on or off.

01:31:51.000 Lord knows why it just wouldn't automatically be on all the time.

01:31:54.000 Oh, I remember because it would drain your battery a little bit faster.

01:31:58.000 If you had the skip protection on all the time.

01:32:00.000 So you'd really only want to use it if you were working out or whatever.

01:32:03.000 And it would skip all the time.

01:32:05.000 Everything would skip all the time.

01:32:06.000 If you hit any bump, it would skip.

01:32:08.000 It would skip in your car.

01:32:09.000 Remember those days?

01:32:10.000 Yeah.

01:32:11.000 ESP. It was electronic skip protection, but like, it's...

01:32:13.000 That's it. 0.93

01:32:14.000 You could see the future, so it wasn't fucking... 0.97

01:32:16.000 Yeah. 0.53

01:32:17.000 The thing is, like, they figured out how to make it so that you could play a CD in your car and it won't skip, though.

01:32:23.000 How'd they do that?

01:32:26.000 How'd they do that?

01:32:27.000 I don't know.

01:32:28.000 Is it just better reading?

01:32:29.000 Does it hold it in place better?

01:32:31.000 Yeah, I would have to.

01:32:32.000 Without looking it up, I'd go, yeah, it probably was a more expensive CD player that had stabilization in it.

01:32:37.000 But I think, do they still make CD players?

01:32:40.000 Yeah.

01:32:41.000 That is wild.

01:32:42.000 Who's got CDs laying around?

01:32:43.000 I was just thinking about that today. 0.99

01:32:45.000 You'd have to carry a case, and people would break into cars to steal your fucking CD case. 0.95

01:32:50.000 Yeah, I remember the case would be clear plastic, and you'd have the CD cover on one side and the actual CD on the other side, so you could see. 0.96

01:33:01.000 Ooh, Bob Seger, Night Moves.

01:33:03.000 I used to go to the library. 0.89

01:33:04.000 When I first got out of high school and moved to Los Angeles, I would go to the actual freaking library.

01:33:12.000 I remember getting the Eagles' greatest hits and not knowing much about the Eagles at all and being like, oh, this will be a good get.

01:33:20.000 I remember checking it out.

01:33:21.000 Oh, you could check out music from the library?

01:33:24.000 Yeah.

01:33:25.000 In 2003, 2004, 2005. With the right library card, you can get movies, download movies that aren't on Netflix or HBO. Really?

01:33:36.000 Yeah.

01:33:37.000 They're not?

01:33:38.000 Where are they?

01:33:38.000 What are they on?

01:33:39.000 I don't know.

01:33:40.000 Like independent movies or something?

01:33:42.000 Or they just don't have the license form right now, so they're not on there today, but they've been on there.

01:33:46.000 They're just not always on there, and you can have access to them.

01:33:48.000 Same with music.

01:33:49.000 You can download music from the library.

01:33:51.000 How does it work with things where something is over a certain amount of years old and doesn't have copyright protection anymore?

01:33:58.000 Very confusing and it has to do with Disney. 0.98

01:34:01.000 He set that shit up. 1.00

01:34:02.000 He did? 1.00

01:34:03.000 Yep.

01:34:03.000 He didn't want people to take over Mickey Mouse because that's kind of like what he took.

01:34:07.000 Those first stories were all...

01:34:10.000 Public domain stories almost.

01:34:11.000 And then they just added a character and rewrote the story.

01:34:13.000 Like Snow White, now it's a really, really, really old story.

01:34:16.000 But they did the cartoon version of it.

01:34:18.000 So then, before he died, I want to say it's 50s, 60s, got some stuff through Congress that It added 27 years or something.

01:34:27.000 It's like a date.

01:34:27.000 It's like 25, 27 years past the death of the person who was the original copyright holder.

01:34:32.000 And then a couple years later, they added that you could add your child or something like that to be the holder.

01:34:37.000 So then it's 27 years after their death.

01:34:40.000 Very confusing, but that's how Sting got the money for that, all the money from the Puff Daddy song.

01:34:46.000 It gets into copyright lawyer stuff.

01:34:48.000 You know when you see photos of Walt Disney at Disneyland, all of his cigarettes are photoshopped out?

01:34:55.000 Oh.

01:34:56.000 So you see him there standing there like this.

01:34:59.000 Wow.

01:34:59.000 In all these pictures, he's sitting around like this, but he's got his two fingers like this, but there's nothing in his hand.

01:35:05.000 Whoa.

01:35:05.000 Yeah.

01:35:06.000 Because he died from lung cancer.

01:35:08.000 Oh, wow.

01:35:08.000 He died from smoking cigarettes.

01:35:10.000 Damn. 1.00

01:35:10.000 Smoked himself to death. 1.00

01:35:11.000 Wow.

01:35:12.000 And he wasn't that old either.

01:35:15.000 I want to say he was in his 60s.

01:35:18.000 Yeah, see how his hand?

01:35:20.000 See his hand right there?

01:35:23.000 Wow.

01:35:24.000 Yeah, and look at his hand right there.

01:35:26.000 They photoshopped the cigarettes out.

01:35:28.000 He always had a cigarette in his hand.

01:35:29.000 Three packs a day.

01:35:31.000 Yeah, man.

01:35:32.000 Homeboy was pumping.

01:35:33.000 He had a lot of energy.

01:35:34.000 That's pretty much continuous.

01:35:36.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:35:38.000 Where that finger is.

01:35:40.000 Look at his finger, where the cigarette should be.

01:35:44.000 Wild, right?

01:35:45.000 Right there.

01:35:47.000 He always had a cigarette on him.

01:35:50.000 How old was he when he died?

01:35:52.000 I don't think it was that old, man.

01:35:55.000 Oh, Tom Hanks played him?

01:35:57.000 Yeah.

01:35:57.000 Look, Tom Hanks just put his fingers together like Disney did, but he didn't have a finger.

01:36:01.000 He didn't have a cigarette in there.

01:36:02.000 Saving Mr. Banks.

01:36:04.000 Starring Tom Hanks as Walt Disney.

01:36:05.000 So he was doing...

01:36:07.000 Scott, stop moving.

01:36:08.000 Sorry.

01:36:08.000 The two-finger point and the smoking too even made it into Saving Mr. Banks.

01:36:14.000 So Tom Hanks is doing the two-finger pointing like as if he had a cigarette in his hand.

01:36:18.000 But Tom Hanks' character doesn't have a cigarette in his hand.

01:36:22.000 Why would he play Walt Disney and not have a cigarette?

01:36:24.000 If Walt Disney constantly smoked.

01:36:26.000 Because movies are weird about cigarettes now.

01:36:29.000 It's like an actual warning. 1.00

01:36:30.000 That's so dumb. 1.00

01:36:32.000 You talking about it. 1.00

01:36:33.000 What?

01:36:34.000 I was talking about it.

01:36:34.000 I wonder who pays to it.

01:36:35.000 2014?

01:36:37.000 That's me.

01:36:38.000 I'm in this article.

01:36:39.000 Wait, what?

01:36:40.000 It's me.

01:36:40.000 I'm talking about it in 2014. Oh, that's hilarious.

01:36:44.000 Oh, you know why?

01:36:45.000 Because I went with my kids and we realized we have this guy Shout out to Flander who was a He's not just a guide there.

01:36:57.000 He's like a historian He knows a lot about Walt Disney and Disney World and all the Disney Franchise movies and he's the one explain it to me.

01:37:04.000 He showed me all the photos.

01:37:06.000 He's like look at his fingers.

01:37:07.000 I was like, whoa How old was he when he died?

01:37:12.000 See if you can find how he died, but he died from cancer sticks Bummer yeah, I mean It is an enjoyable thing, though.

01:37:25.000 What a rush when you don't do it for a while and then you have a cigarette right before a show.

01:37:30.000 The second cigarette doesn't help, though.

01:37:32.000 I realize that.

01:37:33.000 It's one cigarette.

01:37:34.000 It's only one cigarette before a show.

01:37:36.000 He was 65. He was 65. That's pretty good.

01:37:40.000 He was 66. You say that until you're 64. That's a good point.

01:37:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:45.000 And then you'd be like, fuck. 1.00

01:37:47.000 And then you see this, like, Tim Kennedy had some guy's dad on his Instagram page a few months ago. 0.99

01:37:54.000 And he's like, this is my friend's dad.

01:37:56.000 He's 70. Guy was ripped.

01:37:59.000 70. Six-pack.

01:38:01.000 Looked great.

01:38:02.000 Looked 50. Working out.

01:38:04.000 Like, doing, like, some fucking crazy circuit with those Navy SEAL guys. 0.98

01:38:08.000 Did you see Danny Elfman at Coachella? 0.99

01:38:10.000 No. 0.79

01:38:12.000 Freak musician. 0.80

01:38:14.000 What's this?

01:38:14.000 All these old people racing, this guy's 70. He ran a 13 and a half second, 100 meter dash.

01:38:20.000 What?

01:38:21.000 That's very fast.

01:38:22.000 Let me see this.

01:38:23.000 Let me see this.

01:38:25.000 How old are all these guys?

01:38:27.000 I don't know how old.

01:38:28.000 That guy in the front is 70?

01:38:30.000 Yeah.

01:38:30.000 Oh my god, look at him go.

01:38:32.000 Holy shit, dude. 1.00

01:38:35.000 Wow. 1.00

01:38:38.000 That's very fast. 1.00

01:38:40.000 Holy shit! 1.00

01:38:44.000 Holy shit! 1.00

01:38:50.000 Okay. 0.99

01:38:51.000 Masters, 70 and older. 1.00

01:38:54.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

01:38:56.000 Is that their age? 1.00

01:38:57.000 Yes.

01:38:58.000 82?

01:38:59.000 Yes.

01:39:00.000 What?

01:39:03.000 That might be their numbers.

01:39:05.000 No, he's 82. Give him the number.

01:39:08.000 It says 70. No, it says he's 70 years old.

01:39:11.000 How long can he do that, man?

01:39:12.000 He might be able to do it in 10 years.

01:39:14.000 You're the guy flying.

01:39:15.000 That's crazy.

01:39:17.000 A lot faster than I could ever run, ever, in my whole life.

01:39:20.000 How fast do you think you could run one now? 0.99

01:39:22.000 My knee's fucked. 0.99

01:39:23.000 I can't really run like that right now until this thing gets better. 0.99

01:39:27.000 We should race.

01:39:28.000 I have a problem.

01:39:29.000 Is that I know that, like, if I kick really hard with his knee, it winds up getting hurt again, and I don't care.

01:39:37.000 When I'm hitting the bag, I don't care. 0.90

01:39:39.000 I just want to smash it. 0.98

01:39:41.000 I just want to whop. 0.69

01:39:42.000 Just the ability to do that is so fun.

01:39:44.000 It's so hard to resist, but I've got to resist right now.

01:39:48.000 I've just got some stem cells shot into it and ways to well hooked me up and took care of my knee and some IV stem cells and some BPC-157 and they're trying to fix whatever's going on there.

01:40:00.000 And it's definitely feeling better.

01:40:02.000 I had a treatment that was only a couple of weeks ago.

01:40:05.000 It's feeling a lot better.

01:40:06.000 So I've got to be nice to it.

01:40:07.000 So no running.

01:40:09.000 But I've been doing a lot of stuff with my legs.

01:40:10.000 I can do a lot of stuff that doesn't hurt.

01:40:12.000 I just have to make sure that anything that tweaks it or makes it feel weird, I'm just going to leave it alone.

01:40:18.000 I think I can get it back to where it was.

01:40:21.000 Yeah, we went to the gym a couple weeks ago.

01:40:24.000 That was good.

01:40:25.000 What did we do?

01:40:26.000 The boxing gym.

01:40:27.000 Oh, that's right.

01:40:28.000 Yeah.

01:40:28.000 Took you to a boxing gym.

01:40:29.000 Did you enjoy it?

01:40:32.000 Hell yeah.

01:40:33.000 There's no better workout than that.

01:40:35.000 I mean, that's one.

01:40:36.000 I used to go to Wildcard in Hollywood, and there were times that I threw up in the garbage can.

01:40:44.000 It's just a workout that you get lost in it, and even though it's only, whatever, two or three minute rounds, it's... 0.98

01:40:50.000 Three minutes when you're hitting mitts hard or hitting a bag hard is a long fucking time. 0.90

01:40:56.000 It's a long time if you're pitter-pattering the bag, if you're just going like this. 0.97

01:41:00.000 Like, have you ever watched Floyd Mayweather hit the bag? 0.66

01:41:02.000 Crazy.

01:41:02.000 Floyd Mayweather doesn't hit the bag hard most of the time.

01:41:04.000 Most of the time, he just goes like this.

01:41:06.000 But it's continuous.

01:41:08.000 He never stops punching.

01:41:09.000 And then, whap, whap! 0.99

01:41:11.000 And then he continuously punches, like, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

01:41:14.000 Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang! 0.91

01:41:16.000 Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

01:41:17.000 When you watch him do it, it's an unusual rhythm that I never saw before him.

01:41:21.000 Watch how he does this.

01:41:22.000 Look.

01:41:23.000 Give me some volume.

01:41:26.000 Look at this.

01:41:36.000 So he's been doing this for, he'll do this for like 10-15 minutes.

01:41:40.000 Like it's not just like, he doesn't do 3 minute rounds.

01:41:43.000 He'll do as long as he feels like it.

01:41:45.000 But look how he punches.

01:41:46.000 So he gets a lot of touching it.

01:41:48.000 He's not killing the back.

01:41:50.000 What he's doing is continuously hitting it.

01:41:53.000 Continuously hitting it.

01:41:55.000 One good thing about a boxing gym, too, is you watch people that actually know what they're doing and you realize, like, how hard someone can hit you.

01:42:04.000 It's horrifying.

01:42:05.000 Yeah.

01:42:06.000 When you watch someone smash a bag or smash pads and you go, oh, Jesus Christ.

01:42:11.000 You know?

01:42:12.000 And you're in a gym like that gym with real boxers and kickboxers and MMA fighters.

01:42:17.000 Yeah, I got to watch Manny Pacquiao workout in his prime back then.

01:42:22.000 That's amazing.

01:42:22.000 And holy smoke, so much of it stood out.

01:42:25.000 The speed, the fucking snap. 0.99

01:42:27.000 There's just a different... 1.00

01:42:29.000 Yeah. 0.89

01:42:48.000 Vibrating the only way that you knew that he was jumping the rope was a he was it was coming back around and be his calf muscles would Flare out like that they would go from they were ridiculous.

01:42:58.000 They would just go from I don't know they're huge.

01:43:01.000 Yeah, he's known for his legs It's interesting because there's so many like athletes like him Prince Nassim Hamed There's quite a few guys that are known for having like really ridiculous leg strength and And you realize, like, oh, well, punches come from the legs.

01:43:16.000 Like, that's a big part of it.

01:43:18.000 And the movement, like, between him and Nassim Hamed, one of the things they both shared in common is their ability to, like, cut angles and move so quickly.

01:43:26.000 You know, Manny could just, like, he could zip zap, and a lot of it was his footwork.

01:43:31.000 I mean, his footwork and his leg dexterity.

01:43:33.000 And he was always running hills and always doing jump rope.

01:43:36.000 I think he's done, right?

01:43:37.000 Did he retire officially?

01:43:40.000 Look at the size of those calves. 0.97

01:43:41.000 Jesus Christ.

01:43:43.000 To have calves like that is...

01:43:45.000 I mean, that is a massive benefit.

01:43:48.000 Because to be able to move quickly and lightly on your feet is everything in a boxing match.

01:43:53.000 To be able to move in and out and move away from things, move side to side.

01:43:59.000 He's a weird guy, too, in that he's so nice.

01:44:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:02.000 Like, he's so fucking nice, and yet he's a straight-up killer. 0.98

01:44:05.000 It's like eight-division world champion, at least... 0.99

01:44:09.000 So nice.

01:44:10.000 Yeah.

01:44:11.000 So cool.

01:44:11.000 So sweetheart of a guy.

01:44:12.000 Yeah.

01:44:13.000 Nice to everybody.

01:44:14.000 To everybody.

01:44:14.000 Just all smiling and everything like that.

01:44:17.000 But there's a guy who's got a fucking entourage to feed. 1.00

01:44:22.000 Bro. 0.99

01:44:23.000 We did a thing with Tosh and I did it for his show.

01:44:27.000 I forget what I did.

01:44:29.000 Something like I took him with me to a boxing gym and hung out with Manny Pacquiao.

01:44:34.000 And Manny Pacquiao punched him in the face.

01:44:36.000 Like, it was part of the sketch.

01:44:38.000 And he, you know, he hit him and Tosh would fall down.

01:44:41.000 I go, you gotta hit him harder than that. 0.71

01:44:42.000 You gotta hit him a little harder. 0.98

01:44:43.000 Just actually hit him a little bit. 0.98

01:44:45.000 Just a little bit. 1.00

01:44:45.000 And Tosh is looking at me like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:44:48.000 I'm like, you gotta let him hit ya. 1.00

01:44:51.000 So I guess I'm giving him advice.

01:44:54.000 That's Joe with the beard days.

01:44:56.000 Wow.

01:44:59.000 I'm telling him how to hold a mouthpiece in his mouth.

01:45:05.000 I don't know what I'm wearing there.

01:45:06.000 I'm wearing some kind of silver suit.

01:45:09.000 Here it goes.

01:45:20.000 I mean, he's just touching him, too.

01:45:23.000 I think that's probably the second time he hit him.

01:45:27.000 We had him hit him a little harder.

01:45:29.000 Tosh is a real, he's a sport.

01:45:31.000 He went in there and troopered it out, took one for the team.

01:45:35.000 But it was his idea, not mine.

01:45:37.000 Wow.

01:45:37.000 Yeah.

01:45:38.000 Balls.

01:45:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:45:40.000 Fuck getting punched by that guy. 1.00

01:45:41.000 I think he's done though, right? 1.00

01:45:43.000 Isn't Manny Pacquiao retired?

01:45:44.000 I think so.

01:45:44.000 I think so, but I mean all these boxers, I mean they're just always one payday away from a return.

01:45:51.000 Well, it's that and it's also, I think...

01:45:54.000 I'm trying to be president right now.

01:45:55.000 Ah, president of the Philippines.

01:45:56.000 Temporary retirement.

01:45:58.000 Listen, they might do something to him.

01:46:01.000 Be careful, bro.

01:46:02.000 Philippines don't play. 1.00

01:46:04.000 If he wanted to keep fighting, though, what's going on today with athletes, as long as they're not testing them, you can get away with a lot of wild shit. 0.98

01:46:14.000 And there's always been shenanigans with certain boxing matches, like what they test and what they don't, whether they bring in Vada or whether they just sort of fucking fly in under the radar and try to piss clean the day of the fight and who's in whose pocket. 0.65

01:46:28.000 You can get away with competing way later if you're doing things.

01:46:33.000 Who was the guy that cemented his gloves against...

01:46:36.000 Margarito.

01:46:38.000 Yeah.

01:46:39.000 Yeah, he...

01:46:40.000 Against Miguel Cotto. 1.00

01:46:44.000 He fucked Miguel Cotto up. 0.99

01:46:46.000 And then Sugar Shane Mosley's team caught something in his gloves. 0.99

01:46:52.000 Caught something in his wraps when they were backstage.

01:46:54.000 And they found that he was putting plaster of Paris...

01:46:58.000 Inside his wraps.

01:46:59.000 So what that means is like where his wraps are, he had it coated in plaster.

01:47:05.000 So then you would add water to it, and then it would harden.

01:47:08.000 So from the time he gets his hands wrapped to the time he goes out there, he's got hard, like a hard sheath over his knuckles, like a plaster sheath.

01:47:19.000 So he's got this, the wraps, and he's got whatever this plaster-like material.

01:47:24.000 Tell me what that material was.

01:47:26.000 Is that right?

01:47:26.000 It was a, this says it was a powder, a plastic powder that once got water on it or sweat, it would harden up.

01:47:32.000 So he would do that and then get it wet and then fuck people up like he had bricks in his hands. 1.00

01:47:39.000 He fucked people up, man. 1.00

01:47:40.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:47:41.000 That kind of power that, I mean, if you, it's so rare to have that kind of power, but some guys actually do, like Deontay Wilder actually has that kind of bricks in your hand power. 0.98

01:47:48.000 And it's such a big advantage and if you have bricks in your hand power like Margarito has power and on top of that he's put plaster all over his knuckles Yeah, he's just brutalizing people and then sugar Shane found out about his team found out about it before the fight so he went out there with regular Gloves on and regular wraps thinking he was gonna be able to fight sugar Shane and cheat I'm pretty sure sugar Shane fucked him up yeah sugar Shane Fucked him up. 0.97

01:48:15.000 He fucked him up so bad that Margarita had to get eyeball surgery. 0.88

01:48:18.000 And after that, Margarita's like one eye was like never the same. 0.96

01:48:22.000 It was like questionable whether or not he should have been allowed to fight.

01:48:25.000 I believe he had a...

01:48:26.000 I think he had an artificial retina put in.

01:48:30.000 I think it was one of those deals.

01:48:31.000 Which is wild, man.

01:48:33.000 They do that now.

01:48:34.000 I was watching a commercial about that online where this guy was replacing people's retinas with an artificial retina.

01:48:44.000 And that you could see, like glasses.

01:48:47.000 It's like they just cut yours out and put a new one in.

01:48:49.000 I was like, what?

01:48:51.000 But the thing about it is, they were saying that you might get haloing at night.

01:48:56.000 Like I know a guy who had LASIK surgery, and he can't drive at night.

01:49:01.000 What happens?

01:49:02.000 He had a problem.

01:49:04.000 He had a rare but prevalent reaction.

01:49:08.000 I mean, I don't know if it's prevalent.

01:49:09.000 Rare, but it's one of the side effects of LASIK is haloing.

01:49:13.000 Whereas if you see lights at night, the lights, you don't just see the light.

01:49:17.000 You see like a halo around the light.

01:49:19.000 And that halo around the light obscures things that you might not be able to see, like as you're driving.

01:49:24.000 So he can't drive at night. 0.97

01:49:27.000 That's gotta suck. 0.99

01:49:28.000 It's gotta suck. 1.00

01:49:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:49:29.000 Find out about that, like haloing under LASIK. I mean, maybe he got it a long time ago, and maybe the new way's better. 0.99

01:49:38.000 Ari got LASIK. Really?

01:49:40.000 And then his eyes got worse.

01:49:43.000 Oh.

01:49:43.000 Because he got older.

01:49:45.000 So his eyes kept getting worse.

01:49:46.000 So it was fixed for a while.

01:49:48.000 But knowing Ari, he probably got the cheapest LASIK. This is bullshit. 1.00

01:49:50.000 I had a fucking Groupon. 1.00

01:49:52.000 I paid $25 for that LASIK. Yes, eye glare and halos are a common issue that patients experience after they receive LASIK surgery. 0.99

01:49:59.000 In fact, glare after LASIK is an extremely frequent side effect that you might have to deal with following this procedure.

01:50:07.000 In the event that you see different kinds of halos and glares following LASIK, you should know that this is normal. 0.99

01:50:14.000 You might also see glare taking the shape of starbursts.

01:50:18.000 Starbursts are not a ring surrounding lights like the more common forms of glare.

01:50:24.000 Starbursts look more like a glow that disperses itself around the light instead. 0.99

01:50:29.000 So that kind of shit is not good. 1.00

01:50:33.000 That's fucking terrible. 1.00

01:50:36.000 Why do they appear? 0.99

01:50:37.000 Okay.

01:50:38.000 We'll create a flap in the uppermost.

01:50:39.000 So this is a Lasix vision website where they're trying to sell you Lasix.

01:50:45.000 We'll create a flap in the uppermost portion of your cornea when we perform Lasix surgery. 0.99

01:50:49.000 The uppermost portion of your cornea is the epithelium.

01:50:52.000 We'll lift up this flap so that we can adjust the entire contour of your cornea using a surgical laser after we make the epithelial flap. 0.94

01:51:00.000 Once we have finished altering the shape of your cornea, we put the epithelial flap back down.

01:51:06.000 Your eyes need some time to adapt to the new shape of your cornea after we make the epithelial flap and put it back down.

01:51:12.000 If you see halos near bright lights, this is simply a step in your eye's healing process. 0.93

01:51:17.000 You may also see halos close to bright objects as your eyes go through the process of healing and adjusting to your cornea's new shape.

01:51:24.000 Well, for my friend, he didn't start off getting glare.

01:51:28.000 He got it later.

01:51:31.000 You should know that halos are a type of glare in vision that temporarily changes your vision following LASIK. You would see halos primarily at night after LASIK. Halos are usually more common in low light conditions and they look like bright circles surrounding sources of light like streetlights and headlights.

01:51:49.000 Even though we commonly call halos a side effect of LASIK, they're not exactly a side effect as we usually use that term.

01:51:55.000 Instead, halos are a normal sign that your eyes have started recovering That's not what my friend is having. 0.72

01:52:03.000 My friend had it years and years ago, and he recently developed Halos.

01:52:09.000 So, I don't know.

01:52:10.000 It's crazy.

01:52:11.000 The side effects on things are insane.

01:52:14.000 Well, the fact that they're...

01:52:14.000 That's a big deal.

01:52:16.000 That means you can't drive at night.

01:52:18.000 That's a giant deal.

01:52:19.000 Yeah.

01:52:20.000 Like, if you had a choice between wear glasses or not drive at night, I would say, I'm gonna wear glasses.

01:52:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:24.000 Fuck you talking about? 1.00

01:52:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:26.000 Not drive at night.

01:52:26.000 It's fun driving at night.

01:52:28.000 It's no big deal, bro.

01:52:28.000 Just take Ubers, and everywhere you go, it'll be psychedelic.

01:52:31.000 All the lights will be, like, glowing.

01:52:33.000 Imagine going to Vegas if you halo, like, everywhere you go. 1.00

01:52:36.000 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

01:52:37.000 Oh, no.

01:52:38.000 You're outside in the neon.

01:52:41.000 Everything's got a halo around it.

01:52:43.000 What does that look like?

01:52:44.000 Do they have an image, like, a representation of what LASIK halos look like to someone who is suffering from them?

01:52:52.000 I want to see that.

01:52:55.000 There's eye drops that my doctor gave me to try.

01:52:59.000 He's like, try these out.

01:53:00.000 I go, what are they?

01:53:01.000 He's like, look, that's what it looks like. 0.99

01:53:04.000 So these folks can't see shit. 0.99

01:53:08.000 And that's just those headlights, right? 0.99

01:53:10.000 As they get closer and they take up your entire field of vision, It's going to obscure some of the things you're seeing.

01:53:18.000 I wonder if they make glasses that limit the halo effect.

01:53:21.000 That would be ironic.

01:53:24.000 Wouldn't that be ironic?

01:53:26.000 You have to wear glasses to eliminate the halo?

01:53:29.000 Like yellow glasses, like Hunter Thompson type glasses?

01:53:37.000 Yeah, there's got to be glasses.

01:53:38.000 Do they make it?

01:53:39.000 They make glasses to see golf balls on the field.

01:53:42.000 Right, but see if they do that. 1.00

01:53:45.000 Glasses to remove halos.

01:53:49.000 Because if they do that, well then you go, well that's not that big a deal.

01:53:53.000 You just wear your halo glasses when you drive at night.

01:53:57.000 What do you think?

01:53:58.000 Think they do?

01:53:59.000 I mean, I don't think it doesn't.

01:54:02.000 Maybe just regular sunglasses would help, right?

01:54:06.000 Find out for us, young Jamie.

01:54:10.000 Seems like, yeah, it seems like polarized lenses or something like that.

01:54:13.000 Polarized lenses are great.

01:54:15.000 You ever use those when you go fishing?

01:54:16.000 Oh, it's great.

01:54:17.000 They cut out all the glare.

01:54:18.000 You can see in the water.

01:54:19.000 You see where the fish are.

01:54:20.000 Really? 0.99

01:54:21.000 Yeah, you lift them up and you don't see shit. 0.98

01:54:22.000 You put them on, you see the shadows of the fish swimming around. 0.99

01:54:25.000 Oh, wow.

01:54:25.000 Wow.

01:54:26.000 Yeah, they're pretty dope.

01:54:26.000 Seems like that would help a lot.

01:54:27.000 Oh, it helps a lot.

01:54:28.000 Yeah.

01:54:29.000 Yeah, it's a big deal.

01:54:29.000 I was looking.

01:54:30.000 I'm about to buy for the same purpose.

01:54:32.000 Once you're out there, you can't see your ball a lot of the time.

01:54:34.000 I forgot you guys are competitive.

01:54:36.000 Let me tell you.

01:54:37.000 Oh, yeah.

01:54:38.000 Jamie's been whacking that ball, son.

01:54:40.000 Jamie's got a spooky drive.

01:54:42.000 But what Jamie knows is that it's not exactly a test of strength.

01:54:45.000 I mean, he can hit the ball very hard and very far.

01:54:49.000 Does it make you jealous?

01:54:52.000 No.

01:54:52.000 It should.

01:54:53.000 No, because we're not talking about it.

01:54:55.000 It makes me jealous.

01:54:55.000 And I don't even play golf.

01:54:57.000 A big part of the game, Joe, is where you hit the ball.

01:55:00.000 Yeah, yeah, you can get that eventually.

01:55:02.000 It's like if somebody kicked really hard, but they didn't kick you.

01:55:06.000 Yeah, but no, [...

01:55:08.000 The smile just went off.

01:55:10.000 What he's saying is how I approach martial arts.

01:55:13.000 I learned how to kick hard first, and then I learned how to kick people.

01:55:17.000 Kick hard first, then you figure out where to kick them.

01:55:19.000 Well, you kick hard first and kick fast, and then it's about closing distance and fainting.

01:55:24.000 Golf's a little bit different.

01:55:26.000 No, no, it's less complicated.

01:55:28.000 Kicking someone's way more complicated than the ball that doesn't move. 1.00

01:55:30.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:55:31.000 Don't ever say that. 1.00

01:55:32.000 There's not a chance in hell that it's easier to hit a golf ball that it's not easier to hit a golf ball than to just kick somebody. 0.99

01:55:38.000 There's not a chance in fucking hell. 1.00

01:55:40.000 You know how smart golfers are and how dumb fighters are? 1.00

01:55:43.000 You know. 1.00

01:55:44.000 You don't know what you're talking about.

01:55:45.000 What I'm saying is, it's super difficult to kick someone.

01:55:49.000 It's super easy to hit a golf ball.

01:55:51.000 Whether you hit a golf ball perfectly, that's a different story.

01:55:54.000 How do you mean it's easy to hit a golf ball?

01:55:56.000 Because it's right there.

01:55:57.000 It's not moving anywhere.

01:55:59.000 It's right there.

01:55:59.000 Well, neither is the bag that you're kicking.

01:56:01.000 We're talking about a person. 0.72

01:56:02.000 Kicking a person.

01:56:04.000 That's what we're talking about. 1.00

01:56:05.000 That's what you're saying, like, fighters are dumb. 0.99

01:56:07.000 Like, to be able to close the distance and land. 0.99

01:56:09.000 I don't think fighters are dumb. 1.00

01:56:10.000 I'm just saying, no, they're dumb compared to golfers. 1.00

01:56:13.000 Did you hear him say it? 1.00

01:56:13.000 He said dumb fighters, not all fighters are dumb. 1.00

01:56:15.000 You don't think the Stylebender is smarter than John Daly? 1.00

01:56:17.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

01:56:21.000 I mean... 1.00

01:56:21.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

01:56:22.000 They're both... 1.00

01:56:23.000 No, that's a tough one.

01:56:24.000 I bet he could survive a night partying better than Stylebender.

01:56:28.000 Well, of course, Stylebender's healthy.

01:56:30.000 I mean, that's not a diss to Stylebender.

01:56:32.000 I'm just saying, John Daly's all there.

01:56:34.000 He's got a lot of great stories.

01:56:35.000 Very funny guy.

01:56:36.000 I'm sure.

01:56:36.000 Very present.

01:56:37.000 Zero brain damage.

01:56:39.000 A lot of liver damage.

01:56:40.000 No hangovers.

01:56:42.000 Doesn't feel hangovers.

01:56:44.000 Ever?

01:56:44.000 Ever.

01:56:45.000 How's that possible?

01:56:46.000 That's what he said.

01:56:46.000 I was going to show you the video earlier.

01:56:48.000 He's got...

01:56:50.000 He's a professional.

01:56:51.000 Isn't it amazing that you can be a full-on alcoholic and excel at golf? 0.99

01:56:57.000 Doesn't that throw your fucking idea of intelligence and strategy and all that away? 0.99

01:57:02.000 Like, you don't even have to have control of your body. 1.00

01:57:04.000 You can be an alcoholic.

01:57:05.000 Okay, the greatest fighter of all time is Jon Jones.

01:57:08.000 I rest my case.

01:57:10.000 Yeah, but Jon Jones never showed up high.

01:57:13.000 You don't think...

01:57:14.000 You're so funny right now.

01:57:16.000 This is like our pro wrestling talks.

01:57:18.000 When you take a stand on something, you will say the craziest stuff.

01:57:22.000 Nick Diaz has showed up and fought high.

01:57:24.000 When he fought Gomi, he was high. 0.95

01:57:26.000 They suspended him for a long time.

01:57:28.000 He tested positive through the roof of his marijuana levels.

01:57:33.000 When he fought Gomi, he was high. 0.95

01:57:36.000 He got Gomi in a gogoplata, which is a crazy move to pull off in MMA. Super fucking rare. 0.98

01:57:42.000 If you watch how he sets it up, he gets hit by Gomi. 1.00

01:57:46.000 I think Gomi even fractured his cheek. 0.98

01:57:48.000 He goes into the guard. 1.00

01:57:50.000 Gomi was a fucking powerful puncher. 0.99

01:57:53.000 Because Gomi would throw punches the way a pitcher would throw a fastball, because he was a baseball player. 0.99

01:57:59.000 So Gomi had like that whip from throwing basketball, baseball rather. 0.93

01:58:03.000 Did I say basketball?

01:58:04.000 I said baseball, right?

01:58:05.000 Like you would throw a fastball.

01:58:06.000 And he would apply that whip to punching. 0.99

01:58:08.000 And he cracked Nick and had this big fucking cut on his cheeks. 0.99

01:58:12.000 Cheeks swole up. 0.99

01:58:13.000 And they went to the ground and Nick wrapped him up in a gogoplata.

01:58:18.000 And put his arm, his arm trapped in one leg, shin underneath the neck.

01:58:25.000 And then Gable grips behind the neck and pulls down and it's death.

01:58:29.000 It's a crazy move to get somebody in in the first place. 1.00

01:58:31.000 Even crazier when you're high as fuck. 1.00

01:58:33.000 And he was fighting high. 1.00

01:58:36.000 Wasn't that sort of the same thing?

01:58:38.000 John Jones to Cormier.

01:58:39.000 I beat you after a weekend of cocaine.

01:58:41.000 The double champ.

01:58:44.000 Well, that was the week before.

01:58:46.000 He said a weekend of cocaine.

01:58:47.000 He didn't beat him after.

01:58:49.000 He didn't do cocaine that week.

01:58:52.000 He did it the week before the fight.

01:58:54.000 And on top of that, he wasn't fighting on coke.

01:58:57.000 Nick Diaz was fighting high.

01:59:00.000 John parties a lot, but if you look at John without a shirt off and you look at John Daly without a shirt off, you're not making any confusion.

01:59:07.000 I mean, yes, if we're having a beauty pageant.

01:59:10.000 No, no, [...

01:59:13.000 If you want to decide, hey, one of these guys is an athlete, and one of these guys plays a game drunk, which one do you think it is?

01:59:23.000 Yeah, you got me there.

01:59:27.000 I mean, I don't think that he's not awesome at golf. 0.99

01:59:30.000 He's a fucking amazing golf player. 0.99

01:59:31.000 There's no doubt about it. 0.99

01:59:32.000 I've watched videos of John Daly play.

01:59:34.000 He's incredible.

01:59:35.000 I think it's just amazing that a guy could be known for being addicted to essentially a drug and just on it all the time and plays on it.

01:59:44.000 Smokes cigarettes and drinks Coca-Cola.

01:59:46.000 Drinks Diet Coke, like 16 Diet Cokes a day.

01:59:49.000 Yeah.

01:59:51.000 But, you know, there's been pool players like that, too.

01:59:53.000 Like Steve Mizorak, before he died.

01:59:56.000 Steve Mizorak was an enormous guy.

01:59:58.000 And he was, like, one of the best players in the world.

02:00:00.000 He was way overweight.

02:00:01.000 There's another guy, Buddy Hall, who was also, like, one of the best players of all time.

02:00:05.000 He's one of the best players of all time and in his early days.

02:00:08.000 According to his book, I've got a rare copy of his book, The Rifleman.

02:00:15.000 It's like Rags to Riches, The Rifleman.

02:00:17.000 I forget what it was.

02:00:18.000 It's an old book that was self-published.

02:00:20.000 So it's like the font size is one size on one page and smaller on the next page.

02:00:25.000 It's totally janky.

02:00:26.000 But it's a dope book.

02:00:27.000 It's like a cool book to own.

02:00:29.000 Because it's rare.

02:00:30.000 It's hard to find them. 0.99

02:00:31.000 They sell them on forums and shit. 0.97

02:00:32.000 They're real expensive. 0.87

02:00:33.000 But back in the early days...

02:00:35.000 Is this John Daly?

02:00:36.000 Yeah, but he's got a case of beer on his cart with me.

02:00:39.000 Yeah, I like you better than him.

02:00:40.000 I like your swing better.

02:00:41.000 I like the case of beer, though. 0.98

02:00:43.000 His swing's pretty fucking good. 0.97

02:00:44.000 Light beer. 0.98

02:00:44.000 So he's hanging out. 0.98

02:00:46.000 Him and Shane Gillis.

02:00:47.000 They're cut from the same cloth. 0.81

02:00:48.000 Yes.

02:00:49.000 They really are.

02:00:50.000 Big drinkers.

02:00:50.000 Shane Gillis on the podcast, 15 Miller Lights.

02:00:54.000 Bud Lights.

02:00:55.000 15 Bud Lights.

02:00:55.000 Yeah, he did 11 on Kill Tony, which is only an hour and 45 minutes.

02:01:00.000 What a fucking animal. 0.99

02:01:01.000 I think his drink per minute time is even higher. 1.00

02:01:03.000 But meanwhile, he's losing weight.

02:01:05.000 Yeah.

02:01:06.000 Yeah, he's working out all the time.

02:01:07.000 Sends me pictures of him flexing.

02:01:08.000 He looks good.

02:01:09.000 Wow.

02:01:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:01:10.000 Yeah, he's hired a fucking trainer. 1.00

02:01:12.000 He got inspired. 1.00

02:01:13.000 Something clicked in him.

02:01:15.000 He got inspired.

02:01:16.000 I love it.

02:01:17.000 I'm worried about him.

02:01:18.000 Why?

02:01:19.000 Because that's a lot.

02:01:20.000 He's drinking 15 beers in a three-hour podcast. 1.00

02:01:22.000 Like, holy fuck, dude. 1.00

02:01:24.000 I mean, we were with Stan Hope last night. 1.00

02:01:27.000 Look at him.

02:01:27.000 Looks good.

02:01:29.000 That's one of the funniest men alive right there.

02:01:31.000 No doubt.

02:01:32.000 One of the funniest men alive.

02:01:34.000 When I worked with him in Irvine, I finally got to watch his whole set when me, him, and Monty Franklin did Irvine. 0.99

02:01:42.000 God damn, he killed me. 0.97

02:01:44.000 Monty was very funny too. 1.00

02:01:46.000 But I had seen Monty before.

02:01:47.000 I had never seen Shane do like a full set. 0.99

02:01:51.000 It was fucking great. 0.99

02:01:52.000 His Trump is off the charts. 0.99

02:01:56.000 That Trump impression is so good.

02:01:58.000 It's the best, because he's got great lines, like great stand-up comic lines with an amazing impression.

02:02:06.000 So he can't stop laughing.

02:02:08.000 He's the best.

02:02:09.000 It's a good time for comedy, buddy.

02:02:11.000 Yeah.

02:02:12.000 It's a good time.

02:02:13.000 It's a good time. 0.99

02:02:14.000 Shout out to our boy Hans Kim, because Hans Kim went up in front of a fucking arena. 0.98

02:02:18.000 This kid's been, he was homeless two years ago. 0.99

02:02:22.000 Gets on Kill Tony.

02:02:24.000 He was living in his van four to six months ago.

02:02:27.000 Living in his van four to six months ago.

02:02:29.000 Gets on Kill Tony.

02:02:32.000 Becomes a regular on Kill Tony.

02:02:34.000 Shows incredible work ethic like we were talking about before.

02:02:37.000 Just putting in the time and the effort.

02:02:38.000 Who puts in the time and effort more than Hans?

02:02:40.000 Nobody.

02:02:41.000 Nobody.

02:02:41.000 Sometimes I'll look over my shoulder to see what he's doing on his phone and he's always on a spreadsheet.

02:02:47.000 Going over the bed.

02:02:48.000 Staring at jokes, rewriting jokes, taking out a word, adding a word. 1.00

02:02:53.000 It's a fucking animal. 1.00

02:02:53.000 He's not doing anything else. 1.00

02:02:55.000 No bullshit. 0.98

02:02:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:56.000 He's an animal. 1.00

02:02:57.000 Yep. 1.00

02:02:58.000 Murdering on stage. 0.66

02:02:59.000 Yeah, he's coming for everybody's jobs.

02:03:01.000 He's there.

02:03:03.000 He's doing everything that we talked earlier about, which is obsessing hours a day, being a crazy person, and he loves it.

02:03:12.000 He lives for it.

02:03:13.000 So Duncan did Colorado with us, and then after Colorado, Duncan, you know, came to my house.

02:03:18.000 We're all hanging out, and he was like, dude, I'm so inspired now.

02:03:23.000 I'm so ready.

02:03:24.000 He goes, I needed those shows.

02:03:25.000 I needed to see, like, first of all, I needed to see you guys.

02:03:28.000 You're tight, and you guys have been doing stand-up, like, so much.

02:03:31.000 And he goes, and I'm, like, trimming the fat off this, and now I'm excited.

02:03:34.000 I want to write more.

02:03:35.000 I want to perform more.

02:03:36.000 He's like, God, I feel so good.

02:03:38.000 He goes, it's so exciting.

02:03:39.000 And he's moving to Austin.

02:03:41.000 Yeah.

02:03:42.000 Yeah, we're going to have Duncan here too. 0.99

02:03:44.000 What a fucking lineup we're going to have, buddy. 0.99

02:03:46.000 It's crazy. 1.00

02:03:47.000 Come on, man.

02:03:47.000 It's literally the dream lineup.

02:03:50.000 Ron White.

02:03:51.000 Maybe we could talk Roseanne into it. 0.59

02:03:52.000 She's coming.

02:03:53.000 I told Stan I would buy an apartment for him.

02:03:55.000 I go, come here.

02:03:56.000 Just come here.

02:03:57.000 Come here whenever you want.

02:03:57.000 I'll get you an apartment.

02:03:59.000 Joey Diaz is going to come on a regular basis.

02:04:01.000 We're going to do...

02:04:02.000 Oh, that's something we're doing.

02:04:04.000 Tickets just went on sale for.

02:04:05.000 Atlantic City.

02:04:07.000 Friday and Saturday, June 3rd and 4th.

02:04:11.000 Joey Diaz, Tony Hinchcliffe, and me.

02:04:15.000 We're at the Hard Rock.

02:04:17.000 Right?

02:04:17.000 Is that what it is?

02:04:18.000 It's like a new arena.

02:04:20.000 New arena at the Hard Rock.

02:04:22.000 In Atlantic City.

02:04:24.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:04:24.000 That's going to be fun! 0.71

02:04:27.000 And yeah, we got Joey back on stage again.

02:04:30.000 This is all so exciting.

02:04:32.000 It's so fun, man.

02:04:33.000 The beautiful thing about having something almost taken away from you, like the way everybody felt about stand-up, is that when it comes back, you're so excited and invigorated.

02:04:43.000 Like last night, I was so excited.

02:04:45.000 Yeah.

02:04:46.000 I was so excited to go on stage.

02:04:48.000 I couldn't wait.

02:04:49.000 I mean, we had such a lineup last night.

02:04:52.000 Hans Kim, Doug Stanhope, Roseanne Barr, Ron White, you and me.

02:04:58.000 I mean, the show's five assassins deep before I ever even get on stage.

02:05:03.000 Yeah.

02:05:03.000 That's a crazy lineup.

02:05:05.000 Amazing.

02:05:06.000 Amazing.

02:05:06.000 That's a crazy lineup anywhere.

02:05:09.000 I think we have the best crowds.

02:05:10.000 Yeah.

02:05:11.000 They're the best crowds.

02:05:12.000 They're so fun.

02:05:13.000 They're so enthusiastic.

02:05:14.000 It's all word of mouth.

02:05:15.000 Doesn't have that weird LA, New York, we're judging you vibe.

02:05:19.000 It's the we came out to have fun.

02:05:21.000 Came out to have fun.

02:05:22.000 Yeah, they're not coming out because they're in the industry.

02:05:25.000 You know, there's people that would sit in a crowd in LA and you know they wanted to be an actor or they think they're going to be on a reality show.

02:05:31.000 There's so much ego.

02:05:32.000 There's so much...

02:05:33.000 I mean, everybody has ego, but it's not just ego.

02:05:36.000 It's like... 0.98

02:05:39.000 There's like a clout-chasing status-y fucking thing to it, like who's the coolest guy in the room. 0.97

02:05:46.000 You know those people that go in and look for cool people and they're barely talking to you and then they walk away from you? 0.98

02:05:52.000 Yeah.

02:05:52.000 And you're like, oh, okay.

02:05:55.000 Right.

02:05:55.000 Ew.

02:05:56.000 Nobody does that here.

02:05:57.000 Uh-uh.

02:05:58.000 Here they just talk.

02:05:59.000 It's like normal. 0.99

02:06:00.000 That fucking, that machine that comedy has been connected to for so long has ruined so many potential great comics because it's turned them into like some sitcom-y person. 0.99

02:06:13.000 Yep, watered down, cleaner version of their funniest self. 0.99

02:06:17.000 Not just cleaner, but like...

02:06:20.000 Censored.

02:06:20.000 Right.

02:06:21.000 Certain subjects are not worth discussing.

02:06:23.000 It's too hard.

02:06:24.000 I mean, think about some of your best bits.

02:06:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:06:27.000 There's subjects that people don't want to fuck with at all. 0.99

02:06:30.000 Right. 0.99

02:06:31.000 Like, there's certain comedians, if you fuck with those subjects at all, you will get banned from television shows. 0.99

02:06:36.000 Nobody will want to work with you. 0.99

02:06:37.000 Nobody will want to have anything to do with you.

02:06:39.000 That's why I love it, being my bread and butter.

02:06:42.000 Yeah.

02:06:42.000 It's so fun.

02:06:43.000 There's a market for it, buddy.

02:06:45.000 I was going to say, and the market is swinging around.

02:06:46.000 The market's right here.

02:06:47.000 Me.

02:06:48.000 I want to pay for it.

02:06:49.000 I want to watch it.

02:06:50.000 If I was an audience member, that's what I want to say.

02:06:53.000 You don't have to be espousing your every virtue and political belief on stage.

02:06:59.000 You can lie if it's funny.

02:07:01.000 Say something funny that's not true.

02:07:03.000 I'm just trying to laugh.

02:07:04.000 Right.

02:07:05.000 Like, I can get my intellectual discourse out in other forms.

02:07:08.000 I don't need it in my comedy.

02:07:10.000 My comedy, I just need funny.

02:07:11.000 I mean, if it's brilliant and creative funny, great. 0.99

02:07:14.000 But if it's brilliant but not funny, eh, you might want to tighten up that bitch. 1.00

02:07:19.000 Right. 0.99

02:07:19.000 Might want to throw little jokes in there. 0.99

02:07:21.000 Yeah.

02:07:22.000 Last night was fun because I just got to ride that crazy wave that was in the room.

02:07:26.000 The energy.

02:07:28.000 And that's a lot of it.

02:07:31.000 Yeah. 0.92

02:07:31.000 It was fucking awesome. 0.92

02:07:33.000 It was awesome. 0.99

02:07:34.000 Hans Kim always starts it off crazy, but that was insane.

02:07:38.000 Yeah.

02:07:39.000 Well, he's a great guy to get it started off, too, because he's so structured.

02:07:43.000 He gets you into a rhythm very quickly where you're laughing.

02:07:45.000 Set up punchline.

02:07:47.000 Set up punchline.

02:07:47.000 They're all really good, funny.

02:07:50.000 There's no fat in his material.

02:07:52.000 Economy of words is excellent.

02:07:54.000 It's just, you know, it's cool to see comedy outside of any other system.

02:08:00.000 Just comedy by itself.

02:08:02.000 You know, it's comedy supported by just live comedy.

02:08:04.000 Like, that's where it's at its best.

02:08:06.000 It's when it's connected to all those other things.

02:08:08.000 Like, your potential to do other shows, or agents' opinions, or managers' opinions.

02:08:14.000 That's one of the things that we were going over this weekend was like opinions that people have given guys like Duncan or you or just terrible ideas that they've given you like what you should be doing with your career and where you're messing up and that those things that told you not to do wind up being the best things you ever do.

02:08:30.000 Yeah.

02:08:32.000 Got to be untethered from the system.

02:08:35.000 I feel bad for a lot of the people that I started with.

02:08:39.000 They never changed their goals.

02:08:44.000 When I started, I was part of the last group of being on The Tonight Show and getting a Comedy Central half hour is the ultimate.

02:08:55.000 Like, obviously a one-hour HBO special, but those weren't even really being given out.

02:09:00.000 Comedy Central one-hour special's the top, but people were still striving to be on Conan or The Tonight Show when I very first started.

02:09:09.000 And that is a specific kind of set, as we just saw when we tried to watch...

02:09:14.000 Todd Bergen, whatever, right?

02:09:17.000 Teddy Bergeron.

02:09:17.000 Yeah, Teddy Bergeron.

02:09:18.000 That was like, you know, a lot of setup, very like odd segues.

02:09:23.000 1984. He had some really good bits.

02:09:25.000 That just wasn't it.

02:09:26.000 That wasn't a good set.

02:09:27.000 But my point is, is like a lot of the people that I started with got good at those types of sets.

02:09:36.000 TV sets.

02:09:37.000 TV sets.

02:09:38.000 Yeah.

02:09:39.000 And...

02:09:42.000 It's just safe.

02:09:43.000 You could see it on TV. So why would people buy tickets?

02:09:45.000 But there's some guys that are great at that, like Brian Regan, who has that kind of everything's safe on television, but it's brilliant.

02:09:51.000 Yeah.

02:09:51.000 And it's hilarious.

02:09:52.000 Or Jim Gaffigan, same deal.

02:09:55.000 Right.

02:09:55.000 All safe for television, but brilliant.

02:09:58.000 Right.

02:09:58.000 Yeah.

02:09:59.000 And then after those two, which we all name when these come up, there is a long drop-off.

02:10:04.000 Who else is out there that's like super squeaky clean that's really good?

02:10:09.000 Who else?

02:10:12.000 In that vein, in that vein, I would say they're the two guys.

02:10:17.000 Brian Regan and Gaffigan are the two guys. 0.61

02:10:22.000 They are the squeaky guys that murder.

02:10:24.000 Well, actually, no, you gotta say Sebastian, too.

02:10:28.000 That's who I was thinking.

02:10:29.000 Yeah, you gotta factor in Sebastian, because Sebastian's squeaky clean, and he murders.

02:10:33.000 Like, Sebastian, you could bring your grandmother, you could bring your uncle, you could bring your dad, you could bring anybody. 1.00

02:10:38.000 And if you're on the East Coast, that fucking guy's killing it. 0.98

02:10:43.000 He sold out four shows in Madison Square Garden. 1.00

02:10:45.000 That's just preposterous.

02:10:47.000 Like, what?

02:10:48.000 What?

02:10:50.000 That's outrageous.

02:10:50.000 He's so cool.

02:10:51.000 He's very cool.

02:10:53.000 And that's about it.

02:10:56.000 Yeah.

02:10:56.000 Who else?

02:10:57.000 Name another one.

02:10:59.000 Nate?

02:10:59.000 Nate Bargazzi?

02:11:00.000 Oh, Nate Bargazzi.

02:11:02.000 Nate is hilarious.

02:11:03.000 Very clean.

02:11:04.000 That's good.

02:11:04.000 Good catch.

02:11:06.000 Nate, that's about it.

02:11:07.000 Is that it?

02:11:09.000 Are we done?

02:11:10.000 I literally can't think of it.

02:11:12.000 There's a few wizards.

02:11:13.000 But the thing is, Nate and Gaffigan, if you talk to them offstage, they have the same sense of humor offstage.

02:11:19.000 It's that sort of dry, hilarious, but clean view of things that's very funny.

02:11:28.000 There's not a lot of those guys.

02:11:30.000 Mm-mm.

02:11:31.000 Yeah.

02:11:32.000 Was, uh...

02:11:34.000 Dane Cook was clean, I guess, right?

02:11:36.000 No, he had swears.

02:11:37.000 Yeah.

02:11:38.000 He swore. 0.94

02:11:39.000 Yeah, he definitely had sex material. 0.87

02:11:41.000 He had swears. 0.86

02:11:42.000 He was just regular.

02:11:44.000 There's not a lot of guys that commit to that completely clean thing, you know?

02:11:49.000 You know, Jay Leno is a great example.

02:11:52.000 Someone who's, like, completely clean.

02:11:53.000 Fluffy?

02:11:54.000 Oh yeah, Gabriel's super clean. 0.99

02:11:57.000 Who fucking sells out more than him? 0.99

02:11:59.000 He sells out Dodger Stadium. 1.00

02:12:01.000 Twice.

02:12:02.000 Oh my god.

02:12:04.000 And it's not like he's not around LA all the time as well.

02:12:09.000 Do you know Fluffy has a whole garage filled with VW bugs?

02:12:15.000 No.

02:12:16.000 Yeah, he doesn't collect cars.

02:12:18.000 He collects one kind of car over and over and over and over again.

02:12:23.000 Yeah, it's the weirdest thing.

02:12:24.000 It's the weirdest thing to collect.

02:12:25.000 He has a whole warehouse filled with these reconditioned VW bugs.

02:12:33.000 Look at this.

02:12:34.000 How incredible is that?

02:12:35.000 Why would he have so many of these bugs?

02:12:38.000 I don't get it.

02:12:40.000 What is it about this one particular...

02:12:43.000 Oh, he's got a nice Firebird, too.

02:12:45.000 But it's all...

02:12:45.000 It's weird.

02:12:47.000 $3 million VW bus collection. 1.00

02:12:49.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:12:51.000 How weird is that? 1.00

02:12:52.000 How many VW buses he has?

02:12:54.000 Come on.

02:12:55.000 Yeah, it's interesting.

02:12:56.000 I wonder if they're different. 0.99

02:12:57.000 Bro, that's bizarre as fuck. 0.98

02:12:59.000 He's got a whole warehouse filled with VW buses. 0.99

02:13:03.000 Look at his warehouse. 1.00

02:13:05.000 Warehouse is fucking dope. 1.00

02:13:07.000 Look how crazy that is. 1.00

02:13:09.000 Look at the Fluffy Museum.

02:13:11.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:13:13.000 So he's got a massive ass warehouse filled with like artwork and shit. 0.99

02:13:18.000 What is he saying about those paintings? 0.99

02:13:19.000 Give me some volume on this.

02:13:20.000 Fluffy Museum to resemble the personal favorite buses.

02:13:24.000 Volkswagen buses because I don't have a cocaine problem and I needed somewhere to spend the money.

02:13:27.000 Honestly.

02:13:28.000 I talked to Jay Leno and Jay told me, he says, you know what?

02:13:31.000 He says, people are going to tell you to invest your money certain ways.

02:13:34.000 He goes, but with me, he goes, I like the cars because first of all, If they're classic, it is an investment.

02:13:40.000 It's an investment you can enjoy.

02:13:41.000 So you can drive them, and when you sell them, they'll be worth more.

02:13:44.000 Each one of these is valued somewhere between $100,000 to $200,000.

02:13:49.000 Now, I have no intention of selling, but at the end of the day, as soon as I'm gone, and when I mean gone, this is going to be turned into a museum for the city of Long Beach.

02:13:58.000 Wow.

02:13:59.000 I like that Firebird, too.

02:14:01.000 I need to get one of those and grow me a Burt Reynolds mustache.

02:14:03.000 Yeah.

02:14:04.000 Yeah.

02:14:05.000 Dye it black. 0.77

02:14:05.000 Maybe get a toupee. 0.77

02:14:07.000 Whoa.

02:14:07.000 Maybe a cowboy hat.

02:14:08.000 Let's do it.

02:14:10.000 I'm ready. 1.00

02:14:11.000 You see a Firebird, you want to be fucking Burt Reynolds. 0.99

02:14:14.000 Look at that Firebird. 0.99

02:14:16.000 You want a classic, though.

02:14:19.000 Oh, it's signed by Berger.

02:14:20.000 Oh, wow.

02:14:22.000 There is.

02:14:22.000 That's me.

02:14:23.000 I need that look.

02:14:24.000 That's how I feel when I put on my cowboy hat.

02:14:26.000 That seems like a conversion.

02:14:28.000 I don't...

02:14:29.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

02:14:31.000 That's a real one.

02:14:32.000 I think that might be a conversion.

02:14:34.000 See what it says.

02:14:35.000 I have a feeling that that is a new...

02:14:37.000 See what it says, like, right there.

02:14:39.000 Give me some volume.

02:14:44.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

02:14:51.000 Yeah, if I scuff it at Starbucks, I'm gonna cry.

02:15:01.000 That's a Camaro.

02:15:03.000 It's a modern Camaro that they redid to make it look like a Pontiac Firebird.

02:15:06.000 Because the Pontiac doesn't exist anymore, and Pontiac was a GM car.

02:15:10.000 So if you go back to 1968, the Pontiac Firebird shared in common a lot of parts with the Camaro of that year.

02:15:18.000 If you looked at them, it's very similar body shape.

02:15:21.000 They just had a little bit of a difference in the rear taillight assembly and a little bit of difference in the grille and the front bumper and all that jazz and the hood.

02:15:28.000 But a Firebird and a Camaro were almost interchangeable.

02:15:34.000 So with this new one, they take it.

02:15:37.000 Since Pontiac doesn't exist anymore, they take it and they send it to a company and the company converts it.

02:15:41.000 That's why I was looking at that.

02:15:42.000 I'm like, that thing looks too modern.

02:15:44.000 It was his first car.

02:15:46.000 1968 Volkswagen Transporter that served as his first car when he was 17 years old.

02:15:51.000 That's amazing.

02:15:52.000 Got 80 of them now.

02:15:53.000 That's crazy!

02:15:55.000 80!

02:15:56.000 80 VW bugs. 0.99

02:15:59.000 The problem with those is you need a specific motherfucker to buy those. 1.00

02:16:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:16:04.000 You know, you buy a bunch of Corvettes, everybody wants a Corvette.

02:16:07.000 Right.

02:16:07.000 You buy a bunch of those things and people go...

02:16:10.000 Uh, yeah, it's cool.

02:16:11.000 I guess.

02:16:12.000 Yeah.

02:16:13.000 I guess.

02:16:14.000 And if you're gonna get one, why would you get an expensive one?

02:16:17.000 But you know what that shows me? 0.99

02:16:18.000 That Fluffy doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:16:19.000 Right. 0.99

02:16:20.000 Because he's not trying to impress anybody with his VW bugs.

02:16:22.000 He likes them.

02:16:23.000 He's buying them because he likes them.

02:16:25.000 It's a way to make sure your business manager doesn't steal your money.

02:16:28.000 Invest in bugs.

02:16:29.000 Yep.

02:16:30.000 You gotta sell those though, dude.

02:16:32.000 Maybe I'm wrong.

02:16:33.000 Maybe it's easy to sell them.

02:16:35.000 But maybe it's not easy to sell 80 of them.

02:16:38.000 There's a sweet chance Amy's got.

02:16:40.000 Yeah, so that's a real one.

02:16:41.000 That looks like a real Trans Am to me.

02:16:44.000 The one to the right, that's a Charger.

02:16:46.000 The one in front's a Challenger.

02:16:48.000 That Trans Am to the right lower corner, where you only see the front fender, that's the conversion one.

02:16:53.000 So that's basically the only one that really drives well and handles well.

02:16:58.000 Because it handles like modern Camaros.

02:17:00.000 They make a modern Camaro...

02:17:03.000 I think, what is it, the LT1, I think is their killer Camaro. 0.86

02:17:07.000 They make a modern Camaro with 600 plus horsepower. 0.99

02:17:10.000 It's fucking preposterous. 0.99

02:17:11.000 Do you know why they call it a Trans Am? 1.00

02:17:13.000 It's a type of race.

02:17:15.000 It's like a car that was...

02:17:18.000 It's a model named after a type of car for racing, I believe.

02:17:22.000 I think it's like a Trans Am race. 0.86

02:17:25.000 What is it?

02:17:26.000 Because there's IROC, right? 0.77

02:17:28.000 International Race of Champions was an IROC Trans Am.

02:17:31.000 That was a type of Trans Am that was like all the Guidos had back when I lived in Boston. 1.00

02:17:37.000 Guys who had an IROC, like, oh, he's the shit. 0.99

02:17:39.000 Look, he's got his IROC. It sounded good when they pulled up. 1.00

02:17:45.000 There we go.

02:17:46.000 The bomb diggity back then.

02:17:48.000 Yeah, I don't know much about cars.

02:17:50.000 I just know that I'm now obsessed with Corvettes.

02:17:53.000 Well, you have a C8, which is the absolute best Corvette that's ever been made. 0.99

02:18:00.000 The new Corvette is a fucking masterpiece. 0.99

02:18:03.000 It's so good, dude. 1.00

02:18:04.000 It brings me so much joy on a daily basis that it's crazy.

02:18:08.000 I can imagine.

02:18:10.000 I love your car.

02:18:12.000 I'm so happy you got it. 1.00

02:18:13.000 I like to sit in it and just fucking... 0.97

02:18:15.000 The way they have contoured that dashboard and have this panel to the right with all the buttons on it, and then you're holding that steering wheel, you're locked in, and I'm like, Mike! 0.98

02:18:25.000 God, this thing is good.

02:18:27.000 Legit race style, like rectangle wheel, whatever that's called.

02:18:30.000 They should make it in a six-speed manual, though.

02:18:33.000 They should have a few of those as an option, Corvette. 0.96

02:18:35.000 Just please.

02:18:36.000 I know it's not as fast, 0-60, but we're not in a race.

02:18:40.000 It's about enjoyment.

02:18:42.000 And for someone like me who loves a manual transmission, the enjoyment of a manual transmission is so much better than just paddle shifts and just...

02:18:51.000 Or keeping it in drive and just driving around.

02:18:54.000 I mean sure that's better in terms of like speed and efficiency, but part of what's fun about a vehicle is your engagement with it.

02:19:00.000 You know, you're shifting.

02:19:01.000 It's putting that clutch in and pushing it forward.

02:19:04.000 But only with a six-cylinder engine.

02:19:07.000 What is the other engine?

02:19:09.000 A four-cylinder?

02:19:09.000 Must be, right?

02:19:10.000 I just saw that and clicked on it so you get that info, but...

02:19:12.000 Oh boy, that's good.

02:19:15.000 Good for them.

02:19:16.000 That's smart because they want to make something that's exciting.

02:19:19.000 The new Z car.

02:19:20.000 I don't know what number they're calling the new Z car, but the new Z car comes in a manual. 1.00

02:19:25.000 These fucking guys that make these cars. 0.99

02:19:27.000 Look, I know you want to make them the fastest zero to 60, but you also want to make it fun to drive. 1.00

02:19:34.000 And fun to drive for a lot of people like myself is manual.

02:19:38.000 Manuals are more fun.

02:19:39.000 It's like quite a bit more fun.

02:19:40.000 When I drive my Chevelle, and I'm driving that thing, it's, man, I'm shifting. 0.99

02:19:44.000 I feel like I'm in a fucking movie. 0.98

02:19:51.000 That shifting of the gears yourself, it's like, ah! 1.00

02:19:53.000 So exciting.

02:19:55.000 So exciting.

02:19:56.000 You know?

02:19:57.000 Yeah, I can live without it.

02:19:58.000 It keeps me.

02:20:01.000 I like both hands on the wheel and hitting the gas and focusing solely on not spinning out.

02:20:07.000 That's good, too.

02:20:07.000 Yeah.

02:20:08.000 Well, your car is also supremely balanced.

02:20:11.000 Yep.

02:20:11.000 Like, when you open up that back trunk, you see that engine sitting right there behind the passenger, or behind the driver, rather.

02:20:18.000 Like, right in front of the back wheels.

02:20:21.000 Wow.

02:20:21.000 Total game changer.

02:20:22.000 Our buddy got us good because he knew I was going to buy that.

02:20:25.000 Oh, yeah.

02:20:26.000 Well, you should.

02:20:27.000 Corvette ZR1 could pack 850 horsepower from twin turbo V8. I'll do you one better.

02:20:32.000 They have an electric hybrid four-wheel drive Corvette coming out.

02:20:38.000 Yeah.

02:20:39.000 It's going to be electric hybrid four-wheel drive Corvette.

02:20:43.000 Electric?

02:20:44.000 Yep.

02:20:44.000 They've been practicing in the snow.

02:20:46.000 It's a hybrid, like the new NSX. The new NSX has a combustion engine that's very powerful.

02:20:51.000 And then on top of that, it has electric engines that add instantaneous acceleration to the wheels.

02:20:59.000 Electric Corvette confirmed.

02:21:01.000 Hybrid arriving in 2023. And this, they don't know exactly what's going on because they're just seeing like test mules run.

02:21:08.000 But one thing they know about these test mules is that they're spinning off the front tires. 0.97

02:21:12.000 So they're watching them driving snow and shit and spinning off the front tires. 0.95

02:21:16.000 Unless there's been more information that's leaked. 0.99

02:21:17.000 But that's clear.

02:21:18.000 I don't know why they cover it up with the design, like they camouflage it, because we already know what the regular one looks like now.

02:21:26.000 Like before, when we didn't know what it looked like, it made sense that they were covering it up.

02:21:30.000 Let me see what the pictures look like, they're fake covered up pictures.

02:21:33.000 So it's wider, it looks like, see the fenders, how they're flared out?

02:21:37.000 See like with the rear fender and the front fender, how it looks like they're more bulbous?

02:21:40.000 It's because they go out further sideways, which means it's got a wider track, so it has wider tires on it. 0.99

02:21:46.000 I bet it's going to be a fucking monster. 0.98

02:21:47.000 Because that platform that they're building it on, that platform is so good. 0.99

02:21:52.000 They did a drag race with a C8 Corvette.

02:21:55.000 See if you can find this.

02:21:56.000 C8 Corvette versus Shelby GT500. Now, a Shelby GT500 has 700 plus horsepower.

02:22:06.000 The Corvette has 495. The Corvette's faster.

02:22:10.000 Ooh, I like that.

02:22:12.000 Isn't that wild?

02:22:12.000 It feels like it.

02:22:13.000 It's weight.

02:22:14.000 It's because it's a fiberglass car.

02:22:15.000 It's weight.

02:22:16.000 It's fairly lightweight.

02:22:17.000 It's also the distribution of the weight is right over the rear wheels.

02:22:20.000 It's in the center, right?

02:22:21.000 But it's good.

02:22:22.000 So it gets plenty of traction.

02:22:24.000 It's one of the things that makes Porsches move so fast is their weight.

02:22:28.000 The engine weight is right over the rear wheels.

02:22:30.000 That's a rear engine car.

02:22:32.000 The Corvette is even more balanced than that.

02:22:34.000 The Corvette's a mid-engine car, like the Cayman.

02:22:37.000 The Cayman is probably the best balanced out of Porsches, but they make it a little bit underpowered because the 911 is their bread and butter.

02:22:44.000 That's like the classic, iconic vehicle.

02:22:46.000 Yeah, I rented a car in LA when we were there a few weeks ago for the weekend, and I realized...

02:22:53.000 I feel so much safer in my Corvette.

02:22:56.000 Being able to have the ability to accelerate out of a problem feels like twice as much as just being able to brake.

02:23:05.000 You know what I mean?

02:23:05.000 You need both, but you can definitely avoid things.

02:23:09.000 Your car's nimble.

02:23:10.000 Yes.

02:23:11.000 That means a lot. 0.99

02:23:12.000 If you can get away from some shit that's going down. 1.00

02:23:14.000 Because if you're in a truck, like a big, heavy, wobbly truck, and you have to turn fast, you're fucked. 1.00

02:23:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:23:20.000 You know?

02:23:21.000 You're in one of those cars.

02:23:22.000 You might be able to avoid something that somebody might not be.

02:23:25.000 I don't know if there's one you were looking for, but I found a few.

02:23:28.000 There's one on Hennessy's page.

02:23:29.000 Oh, well, the thing about Hennessy, oh, is Hennessy doing it?

02:23:33.000 Because he takes that Corvette, the regular Corvette, and wait for it, ready? 0.99

02:23:37.000 Makes the motherfucker a thousand horsepower. 0.99

02:23:40.000 Oh. 1.00

02:23:41.000 Yeah.

02:23:42.000 Imagine your car, but a thousand horsepower.

02:23:44.000 Look how fast that Corvette is going. 0.92

02:23:46.000 And one of the reasons is because the tires don't hook up that quick on the GT500 because it doesn't have the weight in the back.

02:23:55.000 And I used to say, well, at least the GT500, you can get it in a stick shift, but you can't even get it in a stick shift anymore. 1.00

02:24:00.000 Everything is moving to fucking stupid automatics. 1.00

02:24:05.000 Everything. 1.00

02:24:07.000 But the C8's just a superior car.

02:24:10.000 Superior looks, superior design, superior handling.

02:24:14.000 It's the best Corvette of all time.

02:24:15.000 And, bonus, if you're a golfer, it literally fits a golf bag perfectly in the back trunk.

02:24:23.000 The front trunk I use for everything.

02:24:25.000 There's nothing more fun than popping the hood and pulling out a gym bag and going to work out or whatever.

02:24:31.000 But the back specifically, the back slot, so you see your engine that you just drove 25 minutes to a golf course and you can sort of feel the heat if you drive like a maniac like I like to drive.

02:24:44.000 Out here on these Texas lawless streets.

02:24:47.000 Right behind you.

02:24:48.000 You feel it right behind you.

02:24:49.000 And when you crack open that trunk, you feel the heat of the engine and it's just enough for literally a golf bag.

02:24:56.000 Like it is that size.

02:24:57.000 Do you want to go to a racetrack with that car?

02:24:59.000 Hell yeah.

02:25:00.000 Let's do it.

02:25:00.000 I could set that up.

02:25:02.000 I know a guy.

02:25:03.000 Okay, sweet.

02:25:04.000 Yeah.

02:25:04.000 I know a guy.

02:25:06.000 We could set up some hot laps and do some shit. 0.99

02:25:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:25:11.000 Yeah.

02:25:12.000 Tommy's done it out here a bunch.

02:25:13.000 You know, Tommy's a freak for cars.

02:25:15.000 Tommy has a, I don't know, is he talking?

02:25:17.000 Well, I'm telling anybody.

02:25:19.000 I was going to say, I don't know if he keeps this a secret, but he bought a Cayman, and he had it sent down to this place in Florida that converts it into 560 horsepower. 0.99

02:25:29.000 So it's a manual transmission, 560 horsepower Cayman, and it's a fucking demon. 0.96

02:25:35.000 He brought it to my house, and just the sound of it, I was like, oh my God, dude, this sounds glorious. 0.99

02:25:40.000 Yeah.

02:25:40.000 It sounded so good.

02:25:42.000 As he was driving off, I just cupped my ears.

02:25:45.000 That's what we're going to miss with electric cars.

02:25:49.000 Yeah, that's the part.

02:25:50.000 I'm not really that pumped about the thought of an electric Corvette.

02:25:55.000 Have you driven a Tesla before?

02:25:57.000 Yeah, I just don't see.

02:26:01.000 I don't know.

02:26:02.000 Listen.

02:26:03.000 My car?

02:26:04.000 You want to have a race? 0.85

02:26:05.000 Yeah, no, I know. 1.00

02:26:06.000 My Tesla that I have out there, that fucking family vehicle, that thing will leave you in the dust. 0.98

02:26:11.000 I know, but it's so quiet and... 0.99

02:26:13.000 It's silent.

02:26:14.000 ...lame. 0.91

02:26:14.000 It's like a nerd in class. 0.91

02:26:16.000 It's like driving an iPhone.

02:26:18.000 You have to charge it.

02:26:19.000 It just seems too pure.

02:26:24.000 It seems like too good of a thing.

02:26:26.000 Too good of a thing?

02:26:27.000 I like smoking cigarettes and burning oil.

02:26:31.000 Give me a hot cup of coffee throw a shot of espresso in that coffee Yeah, but if you compare that to manual transmissions and old muscle cars, then you understand me, because that's what I like.

02:26:43.000 I go all the way.

02:26:44.000 I like cars that are almost completely just unpractical or impractical, and then a car that's from the future, like my Tesla.

02:26:54.000 I love driving that car. 0.97

02:26:55.000 The only thing I don't like is I don't have a fucking horn on the steering wheel. 0.99

02:26:59.000 The steering wheel doesn't have a horn in the center. 0.99

02:27:01.000 The horn's a button.

02:27:03.000 Yes.

02:27:04.000 Apparently, for the new ones, they moved the horn to the center.

02:27:07.000 It's the only thing I don't like about it.

02:27:08.000 I can get used to the buttons being the directional changers on buttons.

02:27:13.000 The stalk's the best, though. 0.99

02:27:14.000 Why fuck with perfection? 1.00

02:27:16.000 That stalk for changing, like, that way goes left, that way goes right. 1.00

02:27:20.000 We've been doing that forever.

02:27:21.000 It's so easy to do.

02:27:23.000 Why would you remove that?

02:27:24.000 But in their infinite wisdom to put everything minimalist and, you know, make everything buttons that's on the steering wheel, they removed everything.

02:27:31.000 The turning?

02:27:33.000 Signal?

02:27:33.000 Buttons.

02:27:34.000 Really?

02:27:34.000 Yes.

02:27:34.000 On the Tesla?

02:27:35.000 Yes.

02:27:36.000 See what I'm talking about.

02:27:37.000 That's not good.

02:27:38.000 Not only is it not good, you don't know if you're hitting the left or the right until you look down.

02:27:42.000 That's what it looks like now.

02:27:43.000 That's what my steering...

02:27:44.000 I'll show you outside. 0.97

02:27:45.000 If you want to drive it though, you'll throw your car in the garbage.

02:27:48.000 No, I will not.

02:27:50.000 It's so much faster than your car.

02:27:51.000 It seems like you're time traveling.

02:27:52.000 I mean, I can't imagine going faster than how fast I already go.

02:27:56.000 How about twice as fast?

02:27:58.000 What are you talking about?

02:27:59.000 That car's twice as fast as your car.

02:28:01.000 Well, I mean, it can't be twice as fast.

02:28:03.000 That's what you're saying until you hit the gas.

02:28:04.000 No, come on, Joe.

02:28:06.000 I'm telling you.

02:28:07.000 That car goes zero to 60 in 1.9 seconds.

02:28:11.000 Where?

02:28:11.000 Where can you do that at?

02:28:12.000 Wherever no one's looking.

02:28:16.000 60 isn't even violating the speed limit.

02:28:18.000 You can merge onto an on-ramp.

02:28:20.000 When you merge onto an on-ramp on a highway, you instantaneously go the speed limit.

02:28:24.000 Shoo! 1.00

02:28:25.000 Going zero to 60 silently isn't...

02:28:29.000 It's like if a tree falls in the forest.

02:28:33.000 Going to zero to 60 without the sound of an engine.

02:28:36.000 No, it's not.

02:28:37.000 It's not.

02:28:38.000 It's not at all. 1.00

02:28:39.000 It's like you hit the gas and you go, oh shit! 1.00

02:28:42.000 And you go flying. 1.00

02:28:44.000 Dude, if you're a passenger, I'll have your shit in your pants. 1.00

02:28:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:47.000 No, you drove me once. 1.00

02:28:48.000 We drove from the Hollywood Improv to the Comedy Store.

02:28:51.000 That's the old one.

02:28:52.000 Oh.

02:28:52.000 The new one's even faster.

02:28:53.000 Are you serious?

02:28:54.000 A lot faster.

02:28:55.000 I remember that one.

02:28:56.000 I remember specifically the feeling of the back of my head being smushed against the passenger seat.

02:29:01.000 This new one is almost a full second faster 0-60.

02:29:05.000 It's so fast.

02:29:07.000 It's about a half a second fast.

02:29:10.000 Well, what is it?

02:29:11.000 The old one, I think, was 2.5 seconds zero to 60, something like that.

02:29:16.000 So it's six tenths.

02:29:18.000 Six tenths of a second faster zero to 60. Think of that.

02:29:21.000 That's how fast it is.

02:29:23.000 It's insane.

02:29:25.000 It's so fast.

02:29:26.000 It's effortless. 0.97

02:29:27.000 Like, if you want to go around something, if some shit's going on, just go... 0.92

02:29:31.000 And you're just there. 0.92

02:29:32.000 You're there like instantly.

02:29:34.000 And nothing...

02:29:35.000 It's like you're...

02:29:36.000 But doesn't it go like, beep, beep, beep, there's cars in the right lane.

02:29:39.000 Or something like that.

02:29:41.000 Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

02:29:43.000 Seems like it would beep a lot.

02:29:44.000 Like a lot of alerts.

02:29:46.000 Because it knows what's going on.

02:29:47.000 My Corvette, it's like, if you want to wrap it around a tree, bro, you're going to have to buy another one.

02:29:52.000 Is that what it says?

02:29:52.000 No.

02:29:53.000 It says nothing.

02:29:54.000 It says...

02:29:54.000 I love your car.

02:29:56.000 Either way.

02:29:57.000 I love it.

02:29:57.000 I just love that they still make cars like that.

02:30:00.000 I love that...

02:30:01.000 I mean, this is a weird time for cars.

02:30:03.000 Because it's that transition between the combustion engines and the electric engines.

02:30:07.000 They're saying right now that some cars is the last they're going to offer of a certain car before they go electric.

02:30:13.000 So quite a few cars are just going to fade out or become electric.

02:30:17.000 Like Cadillacs.

02:30:19.000 Cadillac is putting out... 0.97

02:30:21.000 They have a four-door sedan that you can buy that's fast as fuck that has a manual transmission. 0.98

02:30:29.000 It's crazy. 0.94

02:30:30.000 I'm like, who are you marketing this for?

02:30:32.000 It's weird.

02:30:33.000 It's a weird car.

02:30:34.000 It's...

02:30:35.000 I forget what it's called.

02:30:37.000 Something wing?

02:30:38.000 Something wing?

02:30:40.000 But it's a preposterous car.

02:30:44.000 Like, it's so strange.

02:30:45.000 It's like fast as an M5. It's four doors.

02:30:49.000 And it has a stick shift and a clutch.

02:30:51.000 You're like, what?

02:30:51.000 What is this?

02:30:53.000 It's weird.

02:30:54.000 What is it called?

02:30:56.000 Some new Cadillac four-door manual transmission supercar.

02:31:03.000 It's a truck?

02:31:04.000 No.

02:31:05.000 Oh.

02:31:05.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:31:06.000 It's a sedan.

02:31:07.000 Blackhawk.

02:31:08.000 Blackwing.

02:31:08.000 That's right.

02:31:09.000 I was saying wing.

02:31:09.000 Is wing?

02:31:10.000 Blackwing? 0.79

02:31:10.000 What does it look like? 0.79

02:31:11.000 Is it shaped like a sports car or like a luxury car?

02:31:14.000 No.

02:31:14.000 Like a luxury car.

02:31:15.000 Wow. 1.00

02:31:16.000 A luxury car that's fast as fuck. 1.00

02:31:18.000 And here's the thing. 0.99

02:31:19.000 It has four doors and a manual transmission.

02:31:22.000 Okay.

02:31:22.000 Here's something that I've noticed lately, because again, not only did I get a rental in LA, but I also had a, what is it, a borrow car here from the dealership that gave me this Porsche brand new 2022 luxury automobile.

02:31:36.000 And the luxury of the Corvette?

02:31:40.000 Exceeds the luxury of these luxury cars.

02:31:42.000 What did you have?

02:31:43.000 What kind of luxury car did you get?

02:31:44.000 A Porsche.

02:31:46.000 Taycan?

02:31:47.000 No, that's the electric one, right?

02:31:49.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

02:31:50.000 That's the new Cadillac.

02:31:52.000 That's a wild-looking Cadillac.

02:31:55.000 That is cool. 0.99

02:31:56.000 It's really fast as fuck, too. 0.98

02:32:00.000 They should bring back some of those old ones. 0.99

02:32:02.000 Those old boat body, those thick boys. 0.95

02:32:05.000 Yeah.

02:32:06.000 Well, the thing about that car, your car, is the suspension is a magnetic adjustable suspension.

02:32:13.000 And so the suspension is attached to a computer, and the computer reads the road. 0.97

02:32:18.000 So if the road is fucked up, it smooths out the fucked up parts. 0.95

02:32:22.000 And if the road is flat, it stiffens the suspension, so it helps your handling. 0.98

02:32:27.000 And when it gets disturbed, I mean, it does calculations, like some insane speed of calculations that recognizes...

02:32:35.000 The terrain and the differences of terrain.

02:32:36.000 The magnetic ride suspensions that GM vehicles are using now, the Cadillac uses it, and the Corvette uses an even more sophisticated version, I think.

02:32:44.000 It's insane.

02:32:45.000 My Corvette, if you push the button, it raises the front five inches, which is critical everywhere.

02:32:52.000 LA was crazy.

02:32:54.000 Really crazy.

02:32:55.000 Because some of these parking lots, they're just not built properly.

02:32:59.000 But doesn't it remember?

02:33:00.000 If you press another button.

02:33:02.000 So really easy right thumb on the wheel thing to remember.

02:33:07.000 So it could be a one-time thing.

02:33:09.000 Or you press that button again, so like every time I go to my coffee shop, which has a weird lip on the front, it raises all the way, and it stays raised until I'm out.

02:33:20.000 And then, once you're, whatever, 40, 60 feet away from your GPS remembered spot, it lowers itself.

02:33:27.000 Wow.

02:33:28.000 Yeah, it is the best because it was so annoying.

02:33:32.000 Even just the 2019 because it sounds worse than it is.

02:33:38.000 It's just plastic, but that scrape would just...

02:33:41.000 You can't be cool pulling in a car when it's scraping.

02:33:45.000 Not at all.

02:33:47.000 And what I noticed is always like the passenger saying like, oof!

02:33:52.000 Like that's the part that was more annoying because it's like they think that I just did something in my car.

02:33:57.000 Ruined your car.

02:33:57.000 Right.

02:33:58.000 Yeah.

02:33:59.000 Yeah.

02:34:00.000 It's only a matter of time before all cars are autonomous.

02:34:05.000 I would say it's probably 20 years. 0.55

02:34:07.000 I would say within 20 years from now, you're not going to see anybody driving their car on the road, unless they're nuts. 0.99

02:34:11.000 It's fluffy, driving around one of his fucking VW buses. 0.98

02:34:14.000 I think most people are going to be driving some sort of an autonomous vehicle. 0.98

02:34:19.000 You get in it, you program your directions, and it goes, and we're going to realize that they're safer and going to reduce accidents in an incredible way.

02:34:28.000 Probably going to eliminate them.

02:34:30.000 When you get everybody on the system, and they're all in those things, but you know what freaks me out?

02:34:36.000 When the Ukraine invasion happened, when it first happened, a lot of people were saying that Elon Musk should shut off all the Teslas that are in Ukraine.

02:34:47.000 And I was thinking, like, wait a minute.

02:34:49.000 He could do that?

02:34:50.000 Yeah, of course he could do that.

02:34:51.000 And I was like, ooh, that's not good. 0.99

02:34:52.000 It's not good to have someone have the ability to shut off your fucking car when you're on the highway. 0.99

02:34:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:34:57.000 They could just shut it off? 0.99

02:34:58.000 Yeah.

02:34:59.000 You know, they can do that if you're in a chase in some vehicles.

02:35:02.000 In some vehicles, like, I think it's OnStar.

02:35:07.000 It may be, look up this.

02:35:09.000 Does OnStar have the ability to shut off a car if it's being stolen?

02:35:14.000 They have to.

02:35:15.000 So if it's not just if it's being stolen, that also means if they're in pursuit of you. 1.00

02:35:19.000 So if you're in that C8 Corvette and some cops are chasing after you in some fucking shitbox, stupid fucking Ford Explorer, they're going to keep up with you? 1.00

02:35:28.000 Good luck. 1.00

02:35:29.000 You're going to be taking quarters like this.

02:35:32.000 You're going to be gone.

02:35:33.000 OnStar's stolen vehicle assistance can help counteract.

02:35:37.000 Okay, here it is.

02:35:38.000 A member has filed a police report and once authorities have confirmed conditions are appropriate, an OnStar advisor can send a signal to disable the stolen vehicle's engine and gradually slow the vehicle to an idle speed to assist police in recovering the vehicle.

02:35:55.000 Wow!

02:35:56.000 So you have to file a police report.

02:35:59.000 But that's like, how long does that take?

02:36:02.000 And all those high-speed chase videos we've seen, I feel like I've never seen, and they're like, oh, and OnStar got them, and the car stopped.

02:36:08.000 Yeah, they had different cars.

02:36:09.000 But click on that bottom part that said, how do you disable OnStar?

02:36:13.000 Go back onto it.

02:36:15.000 How do thieves disable OnStar?

02:36:18.000 Right there?

02:36:19.000 Search for?

02:36:20.000 Bottom?

02:36:21.000 I clicked on, it's right here.

02:36:22.000 Oh, oh, sorry, sorry.

02:36:23.000 The only way to completely eliminate OnStar is to physically disconnect the module from your vehicle.

02:36:28.000 Other than the OnStar system and its related services, automatic crash response and emergency services, no other system in the vehicle should stop working when you disconnect the module. 0.98

02:36:37.000 Oh, well, fucking, I just... 0.97

02:36:39.000 Grab that thing with a pair of pliers and we're good to go. 0.99

02:36:41.000 Coppers, see ya! 1.00

02:36:42.000 That onstar's the shit. 1.00

02:36:44.000 Is it? 1.00

02:36:44.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:36:45.000 When you have to use it and they do it, you're like, wow.

02:36:48.000 It's great if you lock your keys in your car.

02:36:49.000 They'll just open your car for you.

02:36:51.000 You make a phone call and they open your keys.

02:36:53.000 And you're like, yeah, I'm right here.

02:36:55.000 And they're like, okay.

02:36:56.000 And you hear, thoop.

02:36:57.000 You hear that lock unlock.

02:36:59.000 It's so cool.

02:37:00.000 That is so trusting.

02:37:00.000 Big brother, though.

02:37:01.000 Yeah.

02:37:02.000 So trusting the man to look over you.

02:37:05.000 I never thought about that OnStar thing.

02:37:07.000 So that's in my car for sure.

02:37:08.000 So they already, the thing I'm most worried about with the electric car is being able to shut everything down.

02:37:13.000 They can already do that to me. 0.99

02:37:14.000 Well, grab that module with a pair of pliers and yank that fucker right out of the dash. 1.00

02:37:18.000 You don't need your OnStar. 0.99

02:37:19.000 Yeah, I'm going to keep it.

02:37:21.000 I like it.

02:37:22.000 It's convenient.

02:37:22.000 I think the odds of me locking my keys in my car are better than me getting in a police chase.

02:37:27.000 Yes.

02:37:28.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:37:30.000 For sure.

02:37:31.000 Yeah.

02:37:32.000 No, it's modern conveniences.

02:37:34.000 They're pretty special.

02:37:35.000 But there's something also to no conveniences.

02:37:40.000 There's something to just...

02:37:42.000 Driving old things.

02:37:44.000 I think when you get some cash, as you become a wealthy comedian, you're going to start collecting some cars.

02:37:50.000 I can see you.

02:37:52.000 We're going to have to get you into an old muscle car.

02:37:54.000 What do you think you would look good in?

02:37:55.000 I think you'd look good in a 1969 Corvette.

02:37:59.000 Is that what Ron has?

02:38:01.000 Ron has a Corvette.

02:38:02.000 No, Ron has C1. You know mine?

02:38:04.000 I have a C2. So I have a 65. And Ron has a...

02:38:09.000 I think he has a late 50s.

02:38:11.000 He's a beautiful car.

02:38:13.000 Yeah, whatever that is.

02:38:14.000 See if you can find Ron White's Corvette.

02:38:15.000 I'm sure it's...

02:38:16.000 It's a 56. Is it?

02:38:18.000 That's gorgeous.

02:38:19.000 Whatever that thing is, is the dream.

02:38:22.000 Yeah, my friend Casey is working on it right now.

02:38:25.000 He's putting fuel injection in Ron's car.

02:38:29.000 That's it.

02:38:30.000 That's it.

02:38:31.000 That's it right there.

02:38:32.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

02:38:32.000 That's so nice. 0.92

02:38:34.000 God, that's nice.

02:38:35.000 His has a trunk.

02:38:36.000 You open it up, there's a bar in it.

02:38:38.000 Yep.

02:38:39.000 And now you open it up, it just has a bag of dirt with mushrooms growing in it.

02:38:47.000 It's a great car, though. 0.98

02:38:48.000 The guy who built it did a fucking fantastic job. 0.97

02:38:51.000 Is that someone driving it? 0.99

02:38:52.000 Kurt Busch.

02:38:54.000 A NASCAR driver?

02:38:55.000 Yeah, NASCAR champion.

02:38:56.000 Is he going to give it a beat ride?

02:38:58.000 Braun in true form with his cigar.

02:39:01.000 Let's see this.

02:39:03.000 Listen to the sound of that. 0.99

02:39:05.000 That's what you can't fuck with an electric car. 0.99

02:39:07.000 That echoey, kind of tinny, muscle car sound, like that sound. 0.99

02:39:13.000 I love that sound.

02:39:15.000 Listen to that.

02:39:17.000 Look at that car, Ron White. 1.00

02:39:19.000 God damn it. 1.00

02:39:21.000 That's a hell of a car. 0.99

02:39:22.000 One of the coolest humans on planet Earth.

02:39:24.000 I love him to death.

02:39:26.000 He's one of those guys that, like, he's a good poster boy for getting sober.

02:39:33.000 Yeah, I can't imagine there really being a better one because that's a guy that we only saw with a drink in his hand forever.

02:39:39.000 He sells tequila.

02:39:40.000 He's got a tequila company.

02:39:42.000 Yeah.

02:39:43.000 Number one tequila.

02:39:44.000 He shells for it after.

02:39:46.000 Shells for it.

02:39:47.000 Yeah.

02:39:48.000 Yeah.

02:39:50.000 He's one of the big reasons why I moved out here.

02:39:52.000 We had so much fun.

02:39:53.000 Me too.

02:39:54.000 The way he talked to me about it.

02:39:55.000 But he moved out here long before the pandemic.

02:39:57.000 He was telling me how great it was.

02:39:58.000 And I was like, really?

02:39:59.000 You love it that much?

02:40:00.000 He goes, well, I'm going to be in LA every now and then.

02:40:02.000 I'm going to come and do the store.

02:40:03.000 But man, it's just a better life for me out here.

02:40:06.000 Because, you know, he's a golfer.

02:40:07.000 Golf and live music.

02:40:09.000 Yes, yes.

02:40:10.000 Getting to having the option to go see multiple different types of shows a night.

02:40:18.000 Is unbelievable.

02:40:19.000 Yeah.

02:40:19.000 The bands that we get to see.

02:40:21.000 The energy.

02:40:23.000 Yeah.

02:40:24.000 Yeah, it's good for the soul.

02:40:27.000 It is, right?

02:40:28.000 And it feels like...

02:40:29.000 I don't know, man.

02:40:30.000 We had a good thing going on in LA, but it feels better now.

02:40:34.000 It really does.

02:40:35.000 It feels like...

02:40:36.000 The only thing that's missing is guys like Diaz being around on a regular basis.

02:40:40.000 Right.

02:40:40.000 But we have enough guys that are around on a regular basis that are really killing it.

02:40:45.000 It feels like something special.

02:40:47.000 It's exciting.

02:40:49.000 And you know what else is exciting?

02:40:51.000 Stand Up Live this weekend, ladies and gentlemen. 0.97

02:40:53.000 In Phoenix, Arizona, Tony motherfucking Hinchcliffe, William Montgomery. 0.97

02:40:57.000 Tickets available. 1.00

02:40:57.000 Go to standuplive.com or whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

02:41:00.000 Tony Hinchcliffe on Instagram. 0.98

02:41:02.000 Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter.

02:41:03.000 Look at that.

02:41:04.000 That must be the McVader, right?

02:41:05.000 He did that.

02:41:06.000 It's too good for anybody else.

02:41:07.000 Yeah, he does all my stuff.

02:41:09.000 Thursday, I'm at the Copper Blues Live, which I guess is in like Northern Phoenix or something like that.

02:41:14.000 Oh, never even heard of it.

02:41:15.000 Yeah, it's a new club from those guys who are the best.

02:41:19.000 That's one of the best clubs in the country, stand-up live.

02:41:22.000 Yes, it's an amazing club.

02:41:23.000 It's an amazing club.

02:41:24.000 It's a great spot, too.

02:41:27.000 It's a big-ass place, man.

02:41:29.000 Huge.

02:41:31.000 I'll probably be there Friday, hang out with you, and Saturday is the UFC. You're going to come for some of the fights.

02:41:36.000 I'm going to try, yeah.

02:41:37.000 Phoenix, Arizona, we'll see you soon.

02:41:40.000 And Atlantic City, I think there's tickets available for Saturday.

02:41:45.000 I think Friday's gone, but there's some tickets available for Saturday for Atlantic City.

02:41:48.000 We're going to have some fun with Joey Diaz.

02:41:51.000 Tony Inchclef, I love you.

02:41:52.000 You're the best.

02:41:53.000 So much fun.

02:41:54.000 Love you, too.

02:41:54.000 We've been having a good time, man.

02:41:55.000 Thank you.

02:41:55.000 Great time.

02:41:56.000 We've been having a lot of fun.

02:41:56.000 Hell yeah.

02:41:57.000 All right.

02:41:57.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 05, 2022

Joe Rogan Experience #1813 - Tony Hinchcliffe

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript