The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #1834 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:18.000 We won't trash you while you're gone.

00:00:19.000 I might. 1.00

00:00:21.000 Take a shit. 1.00

00:00:22.000 Are we ready? 1.00

00:00:23.000 Oh, that wasn't on?

00:00:24.000 That was the opening, man.

00:00:27.000 That was gold.

00:00:28.000 Were you recording when I said that?

00:00:30.000 Yeah, but I don't know what camera was on.

00:00:33.000 That's fine.

00:00:34.000 That's fine.

00:00:34.000 I'm just telling you.

00:00:35.000 If I leave in the middle of the podcast, I'm like, oops, be right back, boys.

00:00:39.000 I shard my pants in the pool yesterday.

00:00:40.000 I just want to let everybody know that I... Did you?

00:00:42.000 Yeah.

00:00:43.000 He sharded in the pool? 0.95

00:00:44.000 No, right next to it.

00:00:45.000 What?

00:00:46.000 It was like...

00:00:47.000 And I just sat there.

00:00:48.000 Oh, no.

00:00:48.000 No.

00:00:49.000 Where was this?

00:00:50.000 Hotel?

00:00:50.000 Yeah.

00:00:51.000 In the Four Seasons?

00:00:52.000 Oh no, that's not a good place to shark.

00:00:55.000 Actually, it was great.

00:00:56.000 That's a respectable establishment.

00:00:57.000 You get back in the pool.

00:00:58.000 I did not get back in the pool.

00:01:00.000 He let it wash itself out.

00:01:02.000 He gave it a quick wipe.

00:01:03.000 It's a giant bidet.

00:01:04.000 He gave it a quick wipe.

00:01:06.000 I had that tight underwear that kept it all in.

00:01:07.000 The sheath underwear that kept it all in.

00:01:10.000 Is this number three or four?

00:01:12.000 Protect our parts.

00:01:13.000 Four.

00:01:14.000 Four?

00:01:14.000 Four.

00:01:14.000 Gentlemen, come on.

00:01:15.000 We're fucking rolling here. 0.99

00:01:17.000 We're rolling here. 1.00

00:01:21.000 I'm dickless. 0.91

00:01:23.000 He used to problems. 0.96

00:01:25.000 Because they're coming.

00:01:27.000 Oh, that's strong.

00:01:31.000 Alright, I'm keeping track. 1.00

00:01:32.000 You guys always give me shit about not drinking enough. 0.99

00:01:34.000 You don't get fucked up at all on this, dude. 1.00

00:01:35.000 This is one cup of buffalo drinks. 0.99

00:01:37.000 You've been partying with the Kreischer. 1.00

00:01:40.000 Yeah.

00:01:40.000 Both of you have been partying with the Kreischer.

00:01:42.000 No, he hasn't yet.

00:01:43.000 He's about to go.

00:01:44.000 I've done it in the past, but I'm going next week on the fully loaded.

00:01:47.000 I can't wait.

00:01:47.000 Your mustache seems like you're losing hair here.

00:01:49.000 It's the reverse hit.

00:01:50.000 Don't worry about it, dude.

00:01:52.000 That's how not racist I am.

00:01:54.000 He hiles like this.

00:01:55.000 He goes down.

00:01:59.000 What is going on with this?

00:02:00.000 Did you do it on Paris?

00:02:01.000 Don't worry about this.

00:02:03.000 It's very Asian. 0.91

00:02:05.000 It's like an old Asian guy. 0.99

00:02:06.000 Fu Manchu.

00:02:08.000 You should be sitting on a box peeling something.

00:02:09.000 It's like John Wayne when he played Genghis Khan.

00:02:12.000 Oh, that was great.

00:02:14.000 That's the closest they get to Asians, so like, eh. 1.00

00:02:16.000 I'll tell you what, I'm on a roll all the way to Beijing.

00:02:20.000 Have you ever seen John Wayne play Genghis Khan?

00:02:23.000 They didn't even try.

00:02:24.000 No.

00:02:24.000 He's just a white dude.

00:02:25.000 He's like, I'm Genghis Khan.

00:02:26.000 Put some eye makeup on him a little.

00:02:28.000 There's a couple.

00:02:29.000 Andy Rooney, was it?

00:02:30.000 He did the Breakfast at Tiffany's.

00:02:32.000 Oh, hello. 1.00

00:02:33.000 All that shit. 1.00

00:02:34.000 Oh, did he? 1.00

00:02:34.000 Yeah, it was bad. 1.00

00:02:35.000 They didn't use Asians, so they just had Whitey do the voice. 0.98

00:02:39.000 What about the guy who played the detective?

00:02:41.000 That old school detective?

00:02:42.000 There was a white guy who played a Chinese detective.

00:02:45.000 Do you remember that one, Jamie?

00:02:46.000 What that was called?

00:02:47.000 Mickey Rooney.

00:02:48.000 Wow!

00:02:49.000 There he is!

00:02:50.000 Oh, Mickey Rooney, not Andy.

00:02:51.000 Wow!

00:02:53.000 Look at that.

00:02:54.000 That was the best picture.

00:02:56.000 Charlie Chan.

00:02:58.000 Do you guys remember Charlie Chan?

00:03:00.000 Charlie Chan was like in the 1950s, I think it was.

00:03:03.000 There was a guy who played like the smartest detective and it was a white guy who played, there it is, completely white guy who they fucked with his eyes and made him look Chinese. 0.97

00:03:15.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:03:16.000 That's fucked up. 0.99

00:03:18.000 Yeah, they used to do that. 0.99

00:03:19.000 But where are you at on the trans?

00:03:21.000 You can't play a trans person now, unless you're trans, which seems weird. 1.00

00:03:26.000 You should get a fucking pass if you suck a dick. 1.00

00:03:29.000 That's all you gotta do? 1.00

00:03:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:03:31.000 But a lot of trans women still have sex with women. 1.00

00:03:38.000 That's true. 1.00

00:03:39.000 And they keep their dicks. 1.00

00:03:41.000 They're lesbos. 1.00

00:03:41.000 Which I recommend you keep your dick. 1.00

00:03:43.000 Yes! 1.00

00:03:44.000 You know, I've been paying attention to the operations.

00:03:47.000 I went down a rabbit hole.

00:03:49.000 Because I had a guest who had a friend who had an operation, and it was a disaster.

00:03:54.000 They transitioned, and then she started explaining to me all the issues that happened with it, including growing hair inside, because they tucked inside, and then you grow hair inside.

00:04:06.000 Oh boy.

00:04:06.000 Probably feels good.

00:04:07.000 I mean, I don't think so.

00:04:09.000 And then what?

00:04:10.000 Oh, stubble.

00:04:11.000 Yeah, and then she turned me on to this video of this person talking about all the infections that they get because they've had the operation, the transition operation. 0.99

00:04:20.000 So they recommend, like she was recommending, like keep, you know, you can still be a woman, just keep your cock. 1.00

00:04:25.000 Have you watched trans chick with dick porn? 1.00

00:04:28.000 Because it's pretty great. 1.00

00:04:29.000 Have I not watched it? 1.00

00:04:31.000 It's pretty good because you get the dick and two women. 1.00

00:04:35.000 Yeah, but then you're kind of whacking off to somebody with a dick. 1.00

00:04:38.000 Yeah, that's an issue. 1.00

00:04:39.000 But aren't you always? 1.00

00:04:40.000 If you're watching a guy fuck a girl? 1.00

00:04:41.000 No, I'm not really. 1.00

00:04:42.000 It's the least gay of porn, because you got a girl. 0.99

00:04:45.000 Exactly. 0.98

00:04:45.000 No, no. 0.98

00:04:46.000 Same amount of tics. 1.00

00:04:47.000 Fucking a girl. 1.00

00:04:47.000 Same amount of tics, added tits. 1.00

00:04:49.000 Yeah, it's double girls. 1.00

00:04:50.000 Double tits. 1.00

00:04:51.000 Yeah, it's double girls. 1.00

00:04:51.000 I'm not judging, but then you're whacking off to a guy with a dick's tits. 1.00

00:04:56.000 I'm okay with that. 1.00

00:04:57.000 That's fine.

00:04:58.000 But you're not.

00:04:58.000 Don't look at those.

00:04:59.000 Yeah, but then what's the point of enjoying that? 0.99

00:05:02.000 Look at the other tits. 1.00

00:05:02.000 It nullifies the argument of, oh, two tits. 1.00

00:05:04.000 But wait, what if it's a fat guy? 1.00

00:05:06.000 Fucking a chick. 1.00

00:05:07.000 There's also double tits. 1.00

00:05:09.000 Good point. 0.99

00:05:09.000 It is annoying when they focus on the dude too much in a porn. 0.99

00:05:12.000 That's how John Burnett died.

00:05:12.000 Right.

00:05:12.000 And you're like, get off that.

00:05:14.000 Go to the chick. 1.00

00:05:14.000 Like, why are you showing his face when he comes? 1.00

00:05:16.000 Like, ew.

00:05:17.000 Oh, that's a buzzkill.

00:05:18.000 Yeah, they kind of got rid of that.

00:05:21.000 They kind of got rid of that.

00:05:22.000 I hate that.

00:05:22.000 I don't know.

00:05:23.000 Oh, oh, oh, oh.

00:05:25.000 That's so true.

00:05:26.000 What is that?

00:05:26.000 Who made that choice in the director's cut?

00:05:29.000 Maybe the guy wants his time.

00:05:30.000 Maybe he's like a sitcom star.

00:05:32.000 Like, I'm not getting enough screen time.

00:05:34.000 Yeah.

00:05:35.000 It must be them.

00:05:36.000 Their production company.

00:05:37.000 Oh, that's probably it. 0.99

00:05:39.000 I have the best cum face. 0.99

00:05:39.000 Everyone should know. 0.99

00:05:40.000 Because those are the people that made all the money.

00:05:43.000 It's like the people that produced it.

00:05:45.000 I used to have a guy in my neighborhood that lived right down the street from me during the golden days when they sold DVDs.

00:05:51.000 This guy was balling out of control.

00:05:52.000 He had a fat Mercedes, lived in a beautiful house, and he was making all this money.

00:05:57.000 But then, no, no, no, he was making his own.

00:05:59.000 He was a producer.

00:06:00.000 But then digital came along. 0.99

00:06:02.000 The internet came along and took the fucking legs out of that company. 0.99

00:06:06.000 That business went kaput. 0.98

00:06:08.000 I mean, the government bailed out all kinds of companies.

00:06:13.000 There was never a peep about bailing out the porn industry.

00:06:17.000 Mmm, interesting.

00:06:18.000 Good.

00:06:19.000 But everybody's pretending. 0.62

00:06:21.000 Porn is a weird thing.

00:06:23.000 People pretend they don't watch it.

00:06:24.000 Yeah.

00:06:25.000 But it's literally billions of people watching.

00:06:27.000 The biggest company.

00:06:28.000 Billions.

00:06:29.000 The biggest industry.

00:06:29.000 They show the views now.

00:06:30.000 My mom doesn't watch it.

00:06:31.000 It's like 8 million, 9 million.

00:06:32.000 Every video.

00:06:33.000 Yeah.

00:06:34.000 A 65 percenter gets 8 million. 0.90

00:06:35.000 And you can share porn.

00:06:37.000 Yeah, like, look at the views on a YouTube video versus a YouPorn video.

00:06:42.000 Pull them up! 0.98

00:06:42.000 They must be off the charts. 0.98

00:06:44.000 It's different.

00:06:44.000 Like, unless you're watching a Justin Bieber video, which gets giant numbers or, you know...

00:06:49.000 Hundreds of millions?

00:06:49.000 Yeah, something like that.

00:06:51.000 But just for an average video, what are the odds?

00:06:55.000 I mean, what's the difference?

00:06:57.000 The difference must be gigantic.

00:06:58.000 Yeah.

00:06:59.000 There's no, like, 10,000 view.

00:07:01.000 Right.

00:07:01.000 Exactly.

00:07:02.000 Yeah.

00:07:02.000 Yeah, there's a lot of, like, 2,000 videos.

00:07:04.000 Did you ever get a porn and it just went up?

00:07:05.000 You're like, 250 views!

00:07:06.000 And as soon as you're done with it, 4 million.

00:07:08.000 Right.

00:07:10.000 But how do they make money?

00:07:11.000 It's all free!

00:07:12.000 I don't know.

00:07:13.000 And there's millions and millions of videos.

00:07:15.000 Well, no, no, no.

00:07:16.000 I think porn websites probably make money by selling your data.

00:07:21.000 Oh! 0.60

00:07:23.000 Maybe.

00:07:24.000 Premium subscriptions and selling your data.

00:07:26.000 Data is a thing that nobody saw coming, but it's one of the biggest commodities in the world.

00:07:30.000 Huge.

00:07:31.000 Because they figured out a way.

00:07:32.000 Have you ever seen when you use a browser, like Brave Browser or something like that, and it shows you how many people are trying to track you that it blocks?

00:07:43.000 I've never even heard of that.

00:07:43.000 That's terrifying.

00:07:44.000 Oh my god.

00:07:45.000 I do private browsers only now.

00:07:47.000 It's a good move.

00:07:49.000 Brave is my favorite.

00:07:50.000 Every time you go to a kayak and try to look at prices, and then you go back a minute later, it's up.

00:07:55.000 Because they know you just searched, so you want this trip.

00:07:58.000 And you're like, come on.

00:07:59.000 Also, they curate your searches.

00:08:02.000 We found that out during the pandemic.

00:08:04.000 There's a doctor that died right after taking the jab.

00:08:09.000 I was trying to look up the story, what his deal was, did he have a previous heart condition, what happened.

00:08:15.000 I could not find it on Google.

00:08:17.000 I researched the guy's name on DuckDuckGo, instantly found it.

00:08:21.000 Wow.

00:08:21.000 Whoa, what does that mean?

00:08:22.000 They're hiding it.

00:08:23.000 They're hiding the data.

00:08:24.000 Whoa.

00:08:25.000 They curate the search results.

00:08:26.000 That's 100% true.

00:08:27.000 They curate search results.

00:08:28.000 And at least when they say the first one's like, ad, ad, ad, you're like, alright, at least you're saying the ad thing so I know what you're doing.

00:08:33.000 But then it's like, what they'll allow to be seen first.

00:08:36.000 And they do it with Lyft and Uber.

00:08:37.000 You go to Lyft and you're like, oh, that's too much.

00:08:39.000 Let me check Uber.

00:08:40.000 And they know where you're going already.

00:08:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:42.000 Scary.

00:08:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:43.000 Damn. 1.00

00:08:44.000 I didn't know they were doing all that. 1.00

00:08:45.000 Oh, they're all in cahoots.

00:08:47.000 It's convenient in some ways.

00:08:48.000 It's convenient in some ways.

00:08:50.000 The ads represent the things that you're interested in.

00:08:52.000 Sure.

00:08:53.000 So it's like, oh, I need those shoes.

00:08:54.000 Oh, perfect. 0.99

00:08:55.000 But in another way, it's like, how the fuck do you know I need those shoes? 0.96

00:08:58.000 You know what I mean? 0.83

00:08:59.000 But it's also like, it doesn't allow you to be exposed to other kinds of shoes.

00:09:02.000 Right.

00:09:03.000 So you can't broaden your horizons ever.

00:09:06.000 But it's more effective for the advertiser. 0.99

00:09:09.000 If you're selling, say, workout equipment, and there's a guy who's constantly looking up CrossFit classes, that's the guy you want to sell to, because he's the guy that's interested in that shit. 0.92

00:09:19.000 So it's very effective for the people that are advertising, but it's... 0.87

00:09:23.000 The problem is it's like they're selling your data.

00:09:26.000 They're making fucking untold billions of dollars and they're also influencing elections, influencing policy. 0.64

00:09:33.000 They're doing all this stuff with the money that they get from your data. 0.96

00:09:37.000 It's a very sneaky thing because nobody ever saw it coming.

00:09:40.000 We all thought, you know, you go Google something, oh, it's just a free way to find out what the answer to my question is.

00:09:47.000 But you didn't realize...

00:09:48.000 Because it used to be that way.

00:09:49.000 Yeah.

00:09:49.000 You didn't realize that you are actually the commodity.

00:09:52.000 You're the thing that's valuable.

00:09:54.000 Yeah, apparently Johnny Depp put a lot of dough into social media, and that helped everybody realize that Herd was a coos. 1.00

00:10:01.000 Wow.

00:10:02.000 I don't think that's what happened.

00:10:04.000 Oh, that's what I heard.

00:10:06.000 I donated.

00:10:07.000 Do you feel bad for Herd at all?

00:10:09.000 Well, she lied.

00:10:10.000 She definitely lied.

00:10:11.000 Yeah, I feel bad for anybody who gets in that. 0.98

00:10:13.000 It's like they're both losers out of it.

00:10:15.000 How did she get drawn into that? 0.93

00:10:16.000 Does she have to go to court? 1.00

00:10:18.000 She's being hot. 0.99

00:10:19.000 No, I mean, did she have to do that? 0.91

00:10:21.000 She had to.

00:10:23.000 He sued her.

00:10:23.000 He sued her for defamation.

00:10:25.000 She said he hit her.

00:10:26.000 She wrote an article, which turned out she didn't write the article.

00:10:29.000 The ACLU wrote the article.

00:10:30.000 What?

00:10:31.000 Yeah.

00:10:31.000 The ACLU ghost wrote the article in exchange for her donating money that she never gave them.

00:10:37.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:38.000 She pledged it.

00:10:39.000 Pledged.

00:10:40.000 Pledge.

00:10:40.000 Pledge is not a promise.

00:10:41.000 It's a cleaner.

00:10:42.000 Did you see that woman interviewing her after the fact?

00:10:45.000 She did an interview after the court was over, and it was even worse.

00:10:49.000 No, I didn't see it.

00:10:49.000 It was even worse.

00:10:50.000 What was the lady's name who went after her? 1.00

00:10:52.000 Camille Vasquez?

00:10:53.000 No, no, no.

00:10:54.000 That's the lady who is the lawyer. 1.00

00:10:57.000 I got a crush on her.

00:10:58.000 She's very hot. 0.99

00:10:59.000 Hit me up, Camille. 1.00

00:11:00.000 I can't believe you know all this shit. 1.00

00:11:01.000 Offset the hotness of Amber Heard. 1.00

00:11:03.000 What's that?

00:11:03.000 Offset the hotness of Amber Heard.

00:11:05.000 Right, but being hot and natural.

00:11:07.000 Right.

00:11:07.000 And really smart.

00:11:08.000 Yes. 0.98

00:11:09.000 Really smart and not taking any bullshit. 0.98

00:11:11.000 And we all want her to fall in love with Johnny, secretly, right? 0.98

00:11:14.000 I think they got a thing.

00:11:15.000 So here it is.

00:11:16.000 What's the lady's name? 0.99

00:11:17.000 Camille Vasquez.

00:11:18.000 Savannah Guthrie.

00:11:19.000 So Savannah Guthrie, you know, she wouldn't let her up the hook. 0.99

00:11:22.000 It looks like he's punching her right now. 1.00

00:11:24.000 She's about to thumb her butthole. 1.00

00:11:28.000 Oh, she's good, too. 0.99

00:11:29.000 Not bad.

00:11:30.000 Older chick. 1.00

00:11:31.000 But it's just like, I don't know what she was thinking taking this fucking interview. 0.99

00:11:36.000 She wants to reclaim her. 0.99

00:11:37.000 She's saying, look how wrong the justice system is. 0.77

00:11:41.000 It didn't work at all.

00:11:42.000 It was the worst.

00:11:43.000 It made it worse.

00:11:44.000 She's a good actress. 0.94

00:11:45.000 No.

00:11:46.000 In the moment.

00:11:46.000 No, she's not.

00:11:47.000 She's not.

00:11:47.000 That's the problem.

00:11:48.000 Crocodile tears.

00:11:49.000 She's really hot, but she's not a good actress. 1.00

00:11:52.000 She's just not.

00:11:53.000 No.

00:11:54.000 I have a saying about the Me Too movement.

00:11:56.000 It's believe all women, believe no actress. 1.00

00:11:59.000 I like it.

00:12:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:00.000 They're all just fucking... 1.00

00:12:01.000 Actress too. 1.00

00:12:02.000 They're all fucking crazy. 1.00

00:12:03.000 Well, there's some that are cool. 1.00

00:12:06.000 You know, they exist.

00:12:07.000 You should have a grain of salt whenever they say something like that. 0.99

00:12:10.000 Chris Pratt's cool as fuck. 0.99

00:12:11.000 Well, that's an actor. 0.99

00:12:12.000 Yeah, and they're trying to destroy him. 1.00

00:12:13.000 Scott Eastwood, cool as fuck. 0.99

00:12:16.000 Pratt's the man. 0.99

00:12:17.000 He's a great guy.

00:12:18.000 I mean, a great guy.

00:12:19.000 I've hung out with him.

00:12:20.000 Oh, really?

00:12:20.000 I've gone elk hunting with him.

00:12:22.000 Whoa.

00:12:22.000 I hung out with him in Hawaii just randomly.

00:12:24.000 That's probably why they're trying to get him.

00:12:25.000 Ran into him in Hawaii.

00:12:26.000 Yeah, he's very Christian.

00:12:27.000 Anything those people say publicly, though, you've got to be like, you're involved in your image.

00:12:32.000 It's like you can't trust anything.

00:12:34.000 But the Christian thing... 0.99

00:12:36.000 They're like, he hates gays. 1.00

00:12:37.000 His religion hates gays. 0.99

00:12:38.000 But so does a lot of the Muslim stuff. 0.99

00:12:41.000 So why don't you go after them? 0.99

00:12:42.000 They don't like the gays. 1.00

00:12:43.000 And they throw the rock at the lady. 1.00

00:12:45.000 And, you know, there's all kinds of stuff going on.

00:12:48.000 Yeah, that's what you got. 0.98

00:12:49.000 They throw the gay rock at the lady. 1.00

00:12:51.000 They hit them with rocks. 0.99

00:12:52.000 I can't say that.

00:12:55.000 But I'm just saying, it's like, how come you don't get mad at everybody?

00:12:58.000 Well, it just exposes the weirdness of woke, because it's not consistent or logical.

00:13:03.000 It doesn't make any sense sometimes.

00:13:05.000 Right.

00:13:06.000 It's just some team.

00:13:07.000 Well, yeah, it is. 0.81

00:13:09.000 It's also people that are cowards, and they're terrified of someone coming after them, so they want to be on the right side that's the most aggressive. 0.51

00:13:16.000 And the most aggressive side is the woke side. 0.91

00:13:18.000 But will it flip?

00:13:19.000 It's flipping.

00:13:20.000 It's flipping already if you look at the elections.

00:13:22.000 I mean, there's places that were, like, historically Democrat that are going red now.

00:13:27.000 Because people are freaked out.

00:13:29.000 They're freaked out at schools.

00:13:30.000 They're freaked out about ideology.

00:13:32.000 They're freaked out about the workplace.

00:13:34.000 Gas prices.

00:13:35.000 And also, like, look at what happened with SpaceX.

00:13:37.000 SpaceX just, a bunch of employees just organized to try to, they wanted to do something about Elon Musk, try to get Elon Musk to step down from SpaceX, literally something he found.

00:13:48.000 They were saying that he's damaging them by being on Twitter, and they were trying to get people to sign this petition.

00:13:56.000 Are you crazy going after your boss publicly?

00:13:58.000 They fired the people, and they said that they were bullying people to try to get them to sign a petition that they didn't want to sign. 0.62

00:14:04.000 Oh, right.

00:14:05.000 Which is what they do.

00:14:07.000 They scare people.

00:14:07.000 You should sign this.

00:14:08.000 You should sign it.

00:14:09.000 Yeah, be on the right side of history.

00:14:10.000 They thought they could push him out.

00:14:12.000 What he's doing with Twitter is wrong.

00:14:16.000 They were doing this, they protested Louie at some comedy club, all the local comics, and then when it was over, like, don't support this club, and then afterwards they signed up for spots at the club, and the owner was like, no.

00:14:28.000 You guys told people not to support my business. 0.99

00:14:30.000 Yeah, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:14:31.000 It is bullying. 1.00

00:14:32.000 It is bullying.

00:14:33.000 It is bullying.

00:14:34.000 I mean, it's the same exact kind of feeling that the person gets when they're being attacked.

00:14:39.000 You just think you're justified in doing so.

00:14:41.000 Right.

00:14:42.000 You know, you're not trying to have a dialogue or a discussion with someone.

00:14:44.000 You know, you're literally trying to attack their livelihood and you're trying to do it in this like really weird way.

00:14:49.000 Can I tell you what I'm feeling?

00:14:51.000 I'm not interested in hearing from you.

00:14:53.000 Yeah.

00:14:53.000 Oh.

00:14:54.000 Yeah.

00:14:55.000 Yeah, can I defend myself a little?

00:14:56.000 Nope. 1.00

00:14:57.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:14:58.000 It's your time to shut up. 1.00

00:14:59.000 You're a white man with a reverse Hitler mustache drinking Bud Lights. 1.00

00:15:03.000 I'm not sure what could be more woke. 0.98

00:15:06.000 Reverse Hitler. 0.89

00:15:07.000 Reverse Hitler mustache. 0.72

00:15:08.000 You're going the other way.

00:15:09.000 That was Milo's best moment, was when he told those girls, like, you can't talk, we're talking about women. 0.95

00:15:13.000 And then when they were like, we're talking about men right now, you need to shut up.

00:15:15.000 He gave them the go away. 1.00

00:15:17.000 It was like, damn! 1.00

00:15:18.000 They were so mad. 1.00

00:15:19.000 They shut that guy down, huh?

00:15:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:15:22.000 Interesting.

00:15:22.000 Wouldn't let him speak, wouldn't let him be.

00:15:24.000 I mean, now, I mean, he's like Marjorie Taylor Greene's intern.

00:15:29.000 No.

00:15:29.000 Who's that?

00:15:30.000 Yes.

00:15:30.000 That's hilarious.

00:15:31.000 She's fucking nuts. 1.00

00:15:32.000 She's cuckoo. 1.00

00:15:33.000 She's out of control. 0.98

00:15:34.000 She's QAnon nuts. 0.99

00:15:35.000 Who is that?

00:15:36.000 Alex Jones told me he was partying with her.

00:15:39.000 They all went to dinner and had drinks.

00:15:40.000 He said she's wild.

00:15:41.000 I believe it. 1.00

00:15:42.000 She does anal, no doubt about it. 1.00

00:15:43.000 She's wild, dude. 1.00

00:15:44.000 You think so? 0.99

00:15:44.000 Oh, she's a freak. 0.99

00:15:45.000 Ass to mouth, yes or no? 0.99

00:15:47.000 Easily. 1.00

00:15:47.000 Jewish space laser right up the pooper. 1.00

00:15:50.000 What did you say?

00:15:51.000 Jewish space lasers? 0.87

00:15:52.000 Didn't she say the Jews had space lasers? 0.93

00:15:54.000 She said that publicly, the Jews have space lasers. 0.58

00:15:56.000 I got some friends that succumbed to Q also.

00:15:59.000 Really?

00:15:59.000 No, they don't.

00:16:00.000 Yeah, they believe Q. Now they're like, fuck. 1.00

00:16:04.000 It is anti-pedophile, so they got that. 1.00

00:16:06.000 Did you see that documentary?

00:16:08.000 The HBO documentary?

00:16:09.000 On QAnon?

00:16:10.000 Yeah, what is it?

00:16:11.000 Enter the Storm?

00:16:13.000 Marjorie Taylor Greene, space laser, and the age-old problem of blaming the Jews.

00:16:17.000 Oh my god.

00:16:18.000 You never saw that?

00:16:19.000 No!

00:16:20.000 This was huge! 1.00

00:16:21.000 This is sick fucking math. 1.00

00:16:24.000 Why conspiracy theorists always end up pointing the finger at Jews. 1.00

00:16:28.000 Because we're dominant.

00:16:29.000 Why that's a problem for the GOP. Explain this, Ari.

00:16:31.000 Why are Jews so goddamn smart? 1.00

00:16:33.000 You told me this once. 0.99

00:16:35.000 Genetically.

00:16:35.000 No, but there's a thing about the disproportionate amount of Jews who've won Nobel Prizes.

00:16:40.000 It's really spectacular.

00:16:41.000 Is that right?

00:16:42.000 European Jews.

00:16:43.000 Our culture values education hard, and we're just like, look, we're not great athletes. 1.00

00:16:51.000 But you've got to fire under your ass, too, because of what happened. 0.99

00:16:53.000 So you've got to make hay while the sun's not holocausting. 0.99

00:16:56.000 Yeah, but they were winning Nobel Prizes even before that. 0.99

00:16:58.000 Fire under your ass might not be the best way to describe what happened. 1.00

00:17:03.000 Yeah, I don't know, because the Sephardic Jews aren't as successful. 1.00

00:17:06.000 They're not as smart.

00:17:07.000 They're still pretty smart, not as smart. 0.97

00:17:08.000 It is interesting that every conspiracy theory does end at Jews. 0.88

00:17:11.000 At Jews. 0.99

00:17:11.000 Yeah, I wonder why that is. 0.99

00:17:13.000 The simple ones.

00:17:13.000 They control the weather.

00:17:14.000 The really dopey ones. 0.89

00:17:15.000 I wonder why that is. 0.97

00:17:16.000 Because they're too smart.

00:17:17.000 Maybe because that's where you guys are, dude.

00:17:18.000 Maybe you are back there.

00:17:19.000 But they're so smart, I think people get jealous.

00:17:21.000 Yeah.

00:17:22.000 It validates. 0.91

00:17:22.000 They're evil. 0.91

00:17:23.000 Fucking Einstein, right? 1.00

00:17:24.000 We stick to ourselves. 0.99

00:17:25.000 We do well.

00:17:26.000 Right?

00:17:26.000 I mean, think about how many European Jews.

00:17:28.000 I mean, they've actually done a study on it.

00:17:32.000 It's so preposterous when you look at the actual number of European Jews versus the general population of the world and the number of European Jews that have won Nobel Prize. 0.90

00:17:41.000 It's off the charts. 1.00

00:17:42.000 They're killer. 0.88

00:17:42.000 No, yeah. 0.88

00:17:44.000 But meanwhile, the whites, the real whites, not like the whites like me, the real whites. 0.97

00:17:49.000 I'm a guinea. 0.98

00:17:50.000 I'm a weird white. 0.98

00:17:51.000 But those whites, like the Marjorie Taylor Greene whites, they always want to blame the Jews. 0.86

00:17:55.000 What is that exactly? 0.95

00:17:57.000 Jealousy!

00:17:58.000 I had Holtzman talking about it once.

00:17:59.000 Jealousy!

00:17:59.000 What are we talking about?

00:18:00.000 On stage he goes, some Jewish lady who was in the audience goes, why do people hate the Jews?

00:18:03.000 She goes, I don't know.

00:18:04.000 She goes, well, you'd think if everybody hated me, I'd ask a couple questions.

00:18:07.000 That's a good point.

00:18:09.000 It's true.

00:18:09.000 Oh, it's been so funny.

00:18:12.000 But it's weird because you can't always tell who's a heeb, you know? 1.00

00:18:15.000 I mean, for you, it's obvious.

00:18:16.000 You're like a cartoon character. 1.00

00:18:18.000 You're crazy looking, dude. 1.00

00:18:20.000 You're like an R. Crumb cartoon. 1.00

00:18:22.000 If you hate Asians, you hate black people, you can spot them. 1.00

00:18:25.000 With Jews, you've got to be like, what's your last name? 1.00

00:18:26.000 You ever see the R. Crumb cartoons about Jews?

00:18:29.000 The Genesis? 0.58

00:18:29.000 Oh, pull them up! 0.58

00:18:30.000 R. Crumb.

00:18:30.000 You know R. Crumb.

00:18:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:32.000 He did a whole thing in the Bible.

00:18:33.000 Bro, R. Crumb, I watched his documentary.

00:18:36.000 They did a documentary on him in, like, 99, 98, somewhere like that.

00:18:39.000 And I've seen it before, but I watched it again the other day. 0.99

00:18:43.000 Holy shit was his stuff nuts. 1.00

00:18:46.000 He had some stuff about this family that, you know, stays together because they fuck. 1.00

00:18:51.000 And, like, in the cartoon, it's like the guy mouth-fucking his daughter. 1.00

00:18:56.000 He went hard. 0.99

00:18:57.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:18:58.000 Wait, who is this guy?

00:18:59.000 R. Crumb is a cartoon.

00:19:00.000 No, I know.

00:19:01.000 Yeah, but what do I know him for?

00:19:03.000 He did Genesis, but he was already famous when he decided to do the Bible.

00:19:06.000 But he has this big buxom figures.

00:19:08.000 Wait, what?

00:19:08.000 He did Genesis?

00:19:09.000 He's a very famous underground comic book guy who, back in the day, he dropped acid, and then all of a sudden he started doing these really weird, surrealist cartoons. 0.99

00:19:24.000 And the women all had giant legs and giant asses. 1.00

00:19:27.000 That's his thing. 1.00

00:19:28.000 And so a lot of women were really happy that he did this because he made them hot.

00:19:34.000 Because he was a superstar back in the 70s.

00:19:38.000 He was on late night chalk shows.

00:19:39.000 What?

00:19:40.000 Oh yeah, he's a really, really interesting guy.

00:19:42.000 Who would not stand...

00:19:44.000 He moved to France.

00:19:45.000 The laid back...

00:19:47.000 He moved to France, but if he lived today, he would last for like five minutes before he'd be cancelled.

00:19:52.000 Look at how he's banging that girl and choking her. 0.99

00:19:54.000 That's hot. 0.99

00:19:55.000 It's wild, but they're always giant women. 1.00

00:19:57.000 It's like Dan Portnoy.

00:19:59.000 They would always like watch.

00:20:01.000 He would carry them around on his back, or she would rather carry him around on her back.

00:20:07.000 He's a really weird guy.

00:20:08.000 Ooh, N-word.

00:20:09.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that.

00:20:10.000 There's a lot of, oh my god, heavy racism and some of this stuff.

00:20:14.000 But he was mocking that racism, but if you just take it in, you know, see how he's like riding this girl's back?

00:20:21.000 That was his thing.

00:20:22.000 Like in the documentary, he actually has this big girl and he's like riding her back.

00:20:27.000 He's ahead of his time.

00:20:27.000 He's doing thick.

00:20:28.000 See if you can find...

00:20:29.000 Yeah, really.

00:20:29.000 Thick women.

00:20:30.000 Thick with four C's. 1.00

00:20:31.000 Fucking doing good. 1.00

00:20:32.000 See if you find the one he did on the Jews. 0.99

00:20:34.000 Because he did this cartoon on the Jews, and that's what you look like, Ari. 0.94

00:20:37.000 Oh.

00:20:37.000 So he was published.

00:20:39.000 This wasn't like a backdoor thing.

00:20:40.000 He was huge.

00:20:41.000 Really?

00:20:42.000 Huge.

00:20:43.000 Wow.

00:20:43.000 I would whack off to that back then.

00:20:45.000 Sure.

00:20:46.000 Pre-internet.

00:20:47.000 That's all we got.

00:20:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:20:48.000 I'd be whacking off to that. 0.99

00:20:48.000 I was jerking off to Hoffer Teacher. 0.99

00:20:51.000 Got it made, got it made, got it made. 0.97

00:20:53.000 That was a hot video.

00:20:54.000 I'm hot for teacher.

00:20:55.000 That was a hot video.

00:20:56.000 What is that?

00:20:58.000 I don't know.

00:20:59.000 He did one.

00:21:01.000 He put it up.

00:21:01.000 I don't know.

00:21:03.000 Seems like it was the right time.

00:21:05.000 Hebe. 1.00

00:21:06.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:21:07.000 Did he draw all these? 1.00

00:21:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:21:09.000 Some of these aren't great.

00:21:10.000 Some of them, he's in trouble.

00:21:11.000 Some of them, if anybody ever dig... 0.99

00:21:13.000 Some of these are pretty fucking bad. 0.97

00:21:15.000 See that? 0.99

00:21:15.000 The Get Whitey one over there? 0.99

00:21:17.000 That Get Whitey one, left-hand side? 1.00

00:21:20.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, that one too.

00:21:21.000 The right one, yeah.

00:21:23.000 See that one over there?

00:21:24.000 The far right?

00:21:25.000 Let's not even say anything.

00:21:26.000 Let's just keep moving.

00:21:28.000 Let's shut this screen off.

00:21:29.000 This isn't how I wanted to get started on this guy.

00:21:31.000 It's too early.

00:21:32.000 This is our three situation.

00:21:33.000 You're not finishing those beers.

00:21:37.000 Are you really keeping up with Shane with beer?

00:21:39.000 No, I'm just drinking.

00:21:39.000 I'm just drinking.

00:21:40.000 Oh, you're trying to keep up with him.

00:21:42.000 I'm just drinking.

00:21:42.000 Atta baby.

00:21:43.000 You have three beers in ten minutes.

00:21:44.000 No.

00:21:45.000 You're doing good.

00:21:46.000 You're doing good. 1.00

00:21:46.000 Guys, can't a fucking grown adult drink? 1.00

00:21:49.000 I took six weeks off drinking? 1.00

00:21:50.000 I know.

00:21:51.000 I'm trying to drink.

00:21:51.000 We won't be into the case.

00:21:53.000 I very admire, I very much admire your work ethic, the way you handled preparing for your special.

00:21:59.000 It was very impressive.

00:22:00.000 He didn't do anything.

00:22:02.000 I offered him weed.

00:22:03.000 He said nay.

00:22:04.000 He said nay to the weed.

00:22:05.000 Wow, nay to the weed.

00:22:07.000 Why?

00:22:07.000 I drank some N.A.'s while I was here in Austin.

00:22:09.000 Not alcohol!

00:22:09.000 Doing a week at the creek.

00:22:11.000 That's all for show.

00:22:13.000 No, no.

00:22:13.000 He did it.

00:22:14.000 No, he did it.

00:22:14.000 I was trying to get my skin looking good for my special.

00:22:16.000 It looks good.

00:22:17.000 Is that what the idea was?

00:22:18.000 Dude, I saw myself in a bathroom in Vail, and it was bad.

00:22:22.000 That's booze.

00:22:23.000 It sits in you.

00:22:24.000 Just flask it all day and drink it all night.

00:22:26.000 Not sleeping. 0.74

00:22:27.000 The fat face, it's real.

00:22:28.000 With the booze. 0.91

00:22:29.000 Oh, yeah.

00:22:30.000 Puffed up.

00:22:30.000 Tell Bert.

00:22:31.000 Tell Bert.

00:22:32.000 Someone tell Bert.

00:22:34.000 Speaking of which, can you throw over that BT? Yeah.

00:22:37.000 Woo, you're getting in.

00:22:38.000 There you go.

00:22:38.000 Look at this kid.

00:22:39.000 No, no, don't, don't, don't, don't.

00:22:41.000 Come on, I played Little League.

00:22:46.000 That's a JRE special bottle.

00:22:49.000 They made us a barrel.

00:22:52.000 Buffalo Trace made us a barrel.

00:22:54.000 Oh, nice.

00:22:55.000 That's cool.

00:22:56.000 So we're drinking JRE Buffalo Trace and smoking JRE Foundation cigars. 1.00

00:23:01.000 Those Foundation cigars are the shit. 1.00

00:23:04.000 They're fucking very good, right? 1.00

00:23:04.000 We're taking a trip out there. 1.00

00:23:05.000 We got invited to go see the farms and stuff.

00:23:07.000 Oh, yeah, Nick's awesome.

00:23:09.000 What they're doing over there is really cool.

00:23:11.000 When he made me a cigar, I was very skeptical.

00:23:14.000 I was like, you're making me a cigar?

00:23:15.000 Oh, me too.

00:23:15.000 I thought it was a novelty cigar.

00:23:16.000 Yeah, but it's a damn good cigar. 0.97

00:23:19.000 I go right to him. 1.00

00:23:20.000 He knows his shit, you know? 1.00

00:23:22.000 Cigars are like wine or anything else. 1.00

00:23:24.000 Like Bobby.

00:23:25.000 Bobby Kelly, yeah. 1.00

00:23:26.000 They really know their shit. 1.00

00:23:27.000 They really know. 1.00

00:23:28.000 I'm getting into cigars.

00:23:29.000 I struggle with them.

00:23:31.000 They do.

00:23:31.000 I don't love them.

00:23:32.000 I don't love them.

00:23:33.000 I'm working on it.

00:23:34.000 It's a fun, just chill moment.

00:23:36.000 I took Reggie Conquest.

00:23:37.000 We were at Buffalo.

00:23:38.000 And I was like, let's get a cigar.

00:23:39.000 He's like, okay.

00:23:40.000 And I got him a nice smooth one.

00:23:41.000 And he goes, I thought this was like 200 bucks each.

00:23:44.000 I'm like, dude, it's $11 for a nice one.

00:23:46.000 There's some great cigars that are very reasonably priced.

00:23:49.000 No, I'm not worried about the price.

00:23:50.000 I always inhale it.

00:23:52.000 Cigars are great for men and they're great for women you can't trust. 1.00

00:23:57.000 Monica Lewinsky. 1.00

00:23:59.000 That's pretty good.

00:24:00.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:24:00.000 T-shirt!

00:24:01.000 Women want to smoke cigars and hang out with the boys. 1.00

00:24:04.000 Yeah, that's a problem.

00:24:05.000 Yeah, I don't have any girlfriends.

00:24:07.000 Oh, you don't have any girlfriends?

00:24:08.000 Yeah, you don't like women? 1.00

00:24:09.000 I'll make that for you. 1.00

00:24:10.000 That makes two of us, idiot. 1.00

00:24:14.000 Idiot. 1.00

00:24:16.000 Idiot's funny. 1.00

00:24:17.000 Somebody said that once, like, never trust a girl who doesn't have girlfriends. 1.00

00:24:22.000 That's true.

00:24:22.000 But the older they get, they lose all their friends.

00:24:25.000 Well, let's reverse that.

00:24:26.000 They really don't have friends.

00:24:27.000 But let's reverse that.

00:24:28.000 Never trust a man who doesn't have men friends.

00:24:30.000 Totally.

00:24:31.000 That's way worse.

00:24:31.000 Way more.

00:24:32.000 Way more. 1.00

00:24:33.000 That's either a gay guy or just a pervert. 1.00

00:24:35.000 Right. 1.00

00:24:36.000 Yes, he's a white knight.

00:24:37.000 Because a woman could be friends with her husband or her boyfriend and just go out with her boyfriend or her husband's buddies, and that seems reasonable to me. 0.80

00:24:45.000 But a guy who only hangs out with his girlfriend and his girlfriend's girlfriends... 1.00

00:24:51.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:24:52.000 You don't have any guy friends? 1.00

00:24:53.000 I'd excuse it if you're trying to fuck them all. 0.99

00:24:56.000 But not if it's just about your friends. 0.99

00:24:58.000 If it's a long, slow game? 0.99

00:24:59.000 No, that's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:25:01.000 You should have friends to go back to. 0.99

00:25:02.000 Anybody doing any long game is...

00:25:04.000 I'm out.

00:25:05.000 What?

00:25:06.000 I don't like it.

00:25:06.000 Long game works.

00:25:09.000 That's because you're a big, funny guy.

00:25:11.000 You're a big, tall, funny guy.

00:25:13.000 And there's a type of girl who goes for a guy like you. 0.99

00:25:15.000 Yeah, it's fat chicks. 1.00

00:25:17.000 LAUGHTER His girlfriend's very beautiful. 0.99

00:25:21.000 Beautiful, cool lady. 1.00

00:25:24.000 I can't believe you said that about my lady, dude. 1.00

00:25:26.000 She's beautiful.

00:25:27.000 He said she's beautiful. 1.00

00:25:28.000 Nah, that's fucked up, dude. 1.00

00:25:29.000 I mean, great in bed. 0.99

00:25:30.000 What do you think she found out about your stuff?

00:25:35.000 Well, now I know you don't know her.

00:25:42.000 Comedy, baby!

00:25:43.000 She's gonna be excited about that.

00:25:45.000 I like how you went with the little phone. 1.00

00:25:46.000 You're a fucking animal. 1.00

00:25:47.000 I need a pocket. 1.00

00:25:48.000 That shit comes out of my pocket. 1.00

00:25:49.000 I can't get my thumb all the way up. 1.00

00:25:51.000 The iPhone mini?

00:25:52.000 I love it.

00:25:52.000 This is the mini.

00:25:53.000 I'm jealous.

00:25:54.000 Yeah, the 5 was the best size.

00:25:56.000 That's all you need.

00:25:56.000 And they finally went back to it.

00:25:57.000 Exactly.

00:25:57.000 This thing disappears in my hand.

00:25:59.000 That's perfect.

00:26:00.000 Look at how little that is.

00:26:00.000 So perfect.

00:26:01.000 You've got a crazy gorilla monkey pox hand. 1.00

00:26:03.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:26:06.000 Look at that! 1.00

00:26:07.000 You're gonna climb the Empire State.

00:26:09.000 They don't fit most of my body.

00:26:11.000 I think I didn't get enough food when I was small. 0.99

00:26:13.000 Yeah, you got fucked up proportions, dude. 0.98

00:26:15.000 Can you wear gloves? 1.00

00:26:17.000 For real, you look like a gorilla up on stage. 1.00

00:26:19.000 Someone in my ancestor fucked a monkey. 1.00

00:26:21.000 You're a silver hack. 1.00

00:26:26.000 He can't help himself!

00:26:28.000 He can't stop.

00:26:28.000 Get the man of Mastrami Rubin.

00:26:30.000 He has to say, he word associates and has to say.

00:26:34.000 So the other night we went out to Stubbs, last night, got barbecue.

00:26:38.000 The waitress goes, pardon my reach, and reached over and goes, Jack Reacher!

00:26:44.000 He says it, dude.

00:26:45.000 It's crazy.

00:26:46.000 I don't know what else to say.

00:26:47.000 I got nothing else to say.

00:26:48.000 You don't have to say anything.

00:26:49.000 I guess you're right.

00:26:51.000 He just has to say it.

00:26:53.000 Reach around.

00:26:56.000 Chug that. 0.94

00:26:57.000 So tell me about...

00:26:58.000 He's already hammered. 0.99

00:26:59.000 So tell me about these fucking... 0.99

00:27:01.000 We got as many hours as we want, boss. 1.00

00:27:03.000 We don't have a boss.

00:27:05.000 That's right.

00:27:06.000 No bosses.

00:27:06.000 Tell me about...

00:27:07.000 We don't have any bosses.

00:27:09.000 We got through life. 0.99

00:27:10.000 Me and Norm were talking about it last night at the fucking pool at the fucking nice hotel. 0.99

00:27:13.000 This is sweet, bro. 1.00

00:27:14.000 What a life!

00:27:15.000 This is sweet.

00:27:16.000 I had this conversation with my mom last night.

00:27:18.000 Because my mom was like, you work so hard.

00:27:21.000 And I go, I don't though, mom.

00:27:22.000 It's a trick.

00:27:23.000 I'm like, I really don't.

00:27:25.000 Everything I do, I love doing. 1.00

00:27:26.000 You got scheduling, but all you gotta do is show up and shoot the shit. 0.99

00:27:28.000 Yeah, but it's not hard. 1.00

00:27:30.000 Sit in a nice hotel, talk to my friends, shit in my pants. 1.00

00:27:33.000 I can't believe I missed the shit. 1.00

00:27:35.000 You left. 1.00

00:27:36.000 It might have been right after I left.

00:27:37.000 I was sitting there.

00:27:39.000 How long did you guys stay?

00:27:41.000 A good hour.

00:27:42.000 Oh, a good hour?

00:27:43.000 We bonded, yeah. 1.00

00:27:44.000 Fuck, I missed the bonding? 1.00

00:27:45.000 It was a hot bond. 1.00

00:27:46.000 Hot bond. 1.00

00:27:46.000 And a hot ass. 1.00

00:27:48.000 It was hot as shit out there. 1.00

00:27:49.000 The Westbury bonds. 0.98

00:27:50.000 It was funny.

00:27:51.000 Yeah!

00:27:52.000 Barry Bonds!

00:27:53.000 Saving Bonds!

00:27:54.000 Barry Bonds!

00:27:54.000 He's getting in on it!

00:27:55.000 Now we're talking!

00:27:56.000 It's easy.

00:27:57.000 Look, nobody's better off the cuff with road association than Hinchcliffe. 1.00

00:28:02.000 Hinchcliffe is a fucking monster at that shit. 1.00

00:28:05.000 You'll see tonight when you guys do... 1.00

00:28:06.000 You're not doing it?

00:28:07.000 Nah, I'm not smoking.

00:28:09.000 Can I just say, if everyone's in a circle and you're passing weed, people are like, no thanks.

00:28:14.000 Take it, hand it off.

00:28:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:28:17.000 You don't have to do it.

00:28:18.000 Just hand it off.

00:28:18.000 You don't call attention to yourself.

00:28:20.000 Did it right.

00:28:20.000 Yeah.

00:28:21.000 It's the first weed I smoked in fucking... 0.99

00:28:23.000 How long? 1.00

00:28:25.000 Five weeks?

00:28:26.000 What?

00:28:26.000 That'll put you on the moon, too.

00:28:28.000 That's real.

00:28:29.000 Do it!

00:28:30.000 And you promised you'd keep up with me on Bud Lights.

00:28:33.000 What did you promise?

00:28:34.000 You said it.

00:28:35.000 You saw him issue it.

00:28:36.000 I heard it.

00:28:36.000 He issued it.

00:28:37.000 I told him I'd give him $5,000 if he did.

00:28:39.000 It was basically a foc-po.

00:28:41.000 Witness.

00:28:42.000 Five grand, dude.

00:28:43.000 You can do it.

00:28:44.000 Is it a bet?

00:28:45.000 We got a bet going, boys.

00:28:47.000 My reward will be him trying.

00:28:50.000 I said I couldn't do it.

00:28:51.000 I paid $5,000 to see you.

00:28:53.000 I said if I could get to half as much of them, I would die.

00:28:55.000 But you gotta keep up with them tonight, too.

00:28:57.000 That's where it's the problem.

00:28:59.000 Yeah, you'll be ready to tap out.

00:29:01.000 I'm already ready.

00:29:02.000 I couldn't drink five cans of water.

00:29:06.000 I don't know how we did it.

00:29:07.000 That's my point. 1.00

00:29:08.000 That's what this shit is. 1.00

00:29:09.000 It's water. 1.00

00:29:10.000 You can drink a ton of it.

00:29:11.000 I mean, don't get me wrong. 1.00

00:29:12.000 If you drink a lot of it, you're gonna get fucked up. 0.98

00:29:15.000 What is the amount of alcohol in a Bud Light? 0.99

00:29:18.000 It's low.

00:29:19.000 It's like 3.5.

00:29:20.000 I think it's some.

00:29:21.000 Do you like the taste?

00:29:23.000 Yeah, I like it.

00:29:24.000 It's fine.

00:29:25.000 Yeah, it's not bad.

00:29:26.000 Cold.

00:29:26.000 I like it cold.

00:29:27.000 Ice cold.

00:29:28.000 Give me one of them.

00:29:29.000 I'll drink one of them.

00:29:29.000 Yeah!

00:29:31.000 It ain't no Chang.

00:29:34.000 Nice! 0.94

00:29:35.000 Gorilla hands, catching that banana.

00:29:38.000 You see the focus on that?

00:29:41.000 Oh yeah.

00:29:43.000 Well, you didn't play sports.

00:29:44.000 You were more of a fighter.

00:29:46.000 I played a little bit of baseball, and then leaving a baseball game is how I really got into martial arts.

00:29:51.000 Leaving a baseball game?

00:29:52.000 Yeah, I know.

00:29:53.000 I was leaving Fenway Park.

00:29:54.000 No, leaving Fenway Park and I was walking.

00:29:56.000 The fight broke out like usual?

00:29:58.000 No!

00:29:58.000 We were bored and it took too long to get on the tee because everybody was leaving, so the tee was crowded.

00:30:03.000 And so me and my friend Jimmy, we were like 14. And I walked up this street, and there was a karate school, a taekwondo school.

00:30:12.000 And I went up the stairs, and right when I was going up the stairs, there was this guy named John Lee.

00:30:16.000 Oh, yeah, get it, Jamie.

00:30:17.000 And he was a national champion.

00:30:19.000 He was training for the World Cup.

00:30:21.000 And I got to watch him prepare.

00:30:24.000 I just walked in as a bystander.

00:30:26.000 And I walked in at the peak of his training, at the top of his game, national champion.

00:30:33.000 I got to see what he could do. 0.99

00:30:34.000 I was like, holy fuck, I want to do that. 1.00

00:30:36.000 He was kicking his bag. 1.00

00:30:37.000 And I remember just being flabbergasted.

00:30:40.000 It's because of my love of baseball.

00:30:42.000 Baseball brought me into martial arts.

00:30:44.000 Isn't that wild?

00:30:45.000 The leg kick does make you want to do it.

00:30:47.000 It's a good look. 1.00

00:30:49.000 When any video you post, you fucking hit in the bag, I'm like, God damn. 1.00

00:30:53.000 No, you've never seen a leg kick until you see him kick Eleanor in the butt. 1.00

00:30:57.000 She would do it, and he would go... 0.99

00:30:59.000 Who is Elinor Kerrigan?

00:31:01.000 It would make this sound.

00:31:03.000 That was more of a loud noise than an actual...

00:31:07.000 She would just die laughing.

00:31:11.000 Elinor is so strong. 1.00

00:31:12.000 She'd grab me and do her pro wrestling shit. 1.00

00:31:15.000 Remember when we went to see her pro wrestle? 0.99

00:31:17.000 Were you with us?

00:31:18.000 What?

00:31:18.000 She wrestles?

00:31:19.000 She was a legit pro wrestler. 0.93

00:31:22.000 Easy rider.

00:31:24.000 What?

00:31:24.000 We went to Staples Center.

00:31:25.000 She was great.

00:31:26.000 Wow. 1.00

00:31:26.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:31:27.000 That's exciting. 1.00

00:31:27.000 Her thing was like, she would be a motorcycle rider, she would crush a pool ball in her hand. 1.00

00:31:32.000 That's hilarious.

00:31:33.000 It was so much fun.

00:31:35.000 Because she's hilarious. 1.00

00:31:36.000 Yeah.

00:31:36.000 She's hilarious.

00:31:37.000 She's cool.

00:31:37.000 And, like, there she is!

00:31:38.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:31:39.000 Look at that! 1.00

00:31:41.000 That's hardcore Irish Philly jeans right there, ladies and gentlemen.

00:31:45.000 Literally, jeans.

00:31:46.000 Yeah, she was in jeans. 0.97

00:31:47.000 Yeah.

00:31:48.000 It was really fun.

00:31:49.000 This is wild.

00:31:49.000 It was really fun.

00:31:50.000 Good for her.

00:31:51.000 And she's fantastic on the mic, too.

00:31:52.000 She was great on the mic. 0.96

00:31:53.000 But we went to all see her live. 1.00

00:31:55.000 Damn, look at these lesbians. 1.00

00:31:56.000 These girls go at it. 1.00

00:31:58.000 Yeah, Harley's Angels.

00:31:59.000 She was part of Harley's Angels.

00:32:00.000 I still got my shirt.

00:32:01.000 It was awesome.

00:32:02.000 What?

00:32:02.000 It was awesome.

00:32:03.000 Dude, I didn't... 0.98

00:32:04.000 Oh, kick to the head! 1.00

00:32:05.000 That looked real. 0.99

00:32:07.000 Good for her.

00:32:08.000 You know who's also gotten into pro wrestling?

00:32:10.000 Ron Funches.

00:32:11.000 No way.

00:32:12.000 Ron Funches did an actual pro wrestling match.

00:32:14.000 He had a singlet on.

00:32:16.000 It was on TV. The whole deal.

00:32:18.000 That was his normal bathing suit.

00:32:19.000 Ron is a giant pro wrestling fan. 0.99

00:32:23.000 So for him, this is probably like a fucking dream come true for him. 0.97

00:32:27.000 Is he in this? 0.99

00:32:28.000 Yeah.

00:32:29.000 What?

00:32:29.000 No way.

00:32:31.000 He came out of the robe and everything.

00:32:32.000 I mean, he was straight-faced.

00:32:34.000 He played it up.

00:32:35.000 The real deal.

00:32:36.000 Hammed it. 1.00

00:32:37.000 I love Blueberry.

00:32:38.000 Look at him!

00:32:41.000 Good for Rob. 1.00

00:32:42.000 No, he loves that shit. 1.00

00:32:43.000 He knows it. 1.00

00:32:44.000 He loves pro wrestling.

00:32:44.000 So for him, this is a giant deal, you know?

00:32:47.000 Oh my gosh.

00:32:48.000 Hey, give the guy credit. 0.99

00:32:51.000 Give the guy credit for fucking going out there like that. 1.00

00:32:53.000 He's the black pair. 1.00

00:32:56.000 Who's his manager, the judge?

00:32:58.000 What is that?

00:32:59.000 It looks like Paul Scheer, but I can't tell.

00:33:00.000 Oh, it's not a judge.

00:33:01.000 It's a priest. 1.00

00:33:03.000 Oh shit, they're squaring off. 1.00

00:33:05.000 Dude, he trained for this. 1.00

00:33:07.000 Yeah, for sure. 1.00

00:33:07.000 Goddamn. 1.00

00:33:08.000 Oh, that's a little gimme. 0.99

00:33:10.000 A little bit of a gimme there.

00:33:12.000 Joe.

00:33:13.000 That's what's good right there.

00:33:14.000 There you go. 1.00

00:33:16.000 Damn, he's probably so fucking tired. 1.00

00:33:19.000 I always thought he was wrestling with his sexuality. 1.00

00:33:21.000 He's so tired.

00:33:21.000 He thought he was wrestling with his sexuality.

00:33:24.000 Good for him.

00:33:27.000 Ron's the man.

00:33:27.000 That's funny.

00:33:29.000 That's great.

00:33:30.000 Who else is it?

00:33:30.000 Well, Tony's a giant pro wrestling fan.

00:33:33.000 They actually offered Hinchcliffe a job of writing for the WWE, but he didn't want to do it because he'd have to move to Connecticut.

00:33:39.000 Oh, right.

00:33:40.000 That's good.

00:33:40.000 He was like, I can't do this.

00:33:42.000 I don't want to do this.

00:33:43.000 Yeah.

00:33:44.000 Also, he would have been on call. 0.99

00:33:46.000 He would have fucked with his comedy. 0.98

00:33:49.000 Who's the more fun commissioner of any sports league? 0.98

00:33:52.000 Forget baseball, basketball.

00:33:53.000 It's either Vince McMahon or Dana White.

00:33:55.000 Both of them are right up there.

00:33:56.000 But Dana White, he's more authentic.

00:33:59.000 You know who else owns all the other leagues?

00:34:01.000 He has to be.

00:34:01.000 It's a real sport.

00:34:02.000 It's a real sport.

00:34:02.000 You guys.

00:34:03.000 Oh yeah.

00:34:04.000 We're good.

00:34:05.000 You guys get to the top of the league.

00:34:07.000 The commissioners.

00:34:07.000 Because we can't play.

00:34:08.000 You guys are busy playing.

00:34:10.000 We're busy running and taking profits. 1.00

00:34:11.000 Meet the Irish fucking guys. 1.00

00:34:13.000 That's right. 1.00

00:34:13.000 Enjoy the front lines. 1.00

00:34:15.000 We're out eating popcorn and drinking.

00:34:17.000 There was a lot of famous Jewish boxers in the beginning of the 20th century.

00:34:21.000 Yeah, you guys used to be tough before Dominicans got into it. 1.00

00:34:24.000 You had to be.

00:34:25.000 You were struggling.

00:34:26.000 They were tough.

00:34:27.000 Jews were tough. 1.00

00:34:27.000 It was Jews, and then it was a lot of Irish and Italians, and a lot of black people, and then a lot of Puerto Rican people, and then a bunch of Cubans and Mexicans and all that stuff. 1.00

00:34:38.000 But in the early, early days of the 20th century, there was a lot of Jews.

00:34:42.000 I liked when they said we were low class.

00:34:45.000 It's typically who has it worst at the time is doing the best at boxing.

00:34:50.000 Who needs it the most?

00:34:52.000 I like the days of when Max Schmeling fought whoever.

00:34:55.000 It's not about any talent. 0.91

00:34:56.000 It's like, the black man could never beat the white man. 0.89

00:34:59.000 He's like, that's how they're breaking it down. 0.89

00:35:01.000 Schmeling was the Nazi boxer, but he was forced into that position.

00:35:05.000 Apparently Schmeling was a nice guy, and Hitler propped him up because he was a German, and he knocked out Joe Louis in their first encounter.

00:35:13.000 And then when Joe Louis destroyed Schmeling in the rematch, it was like a giant victory for America.

00:35:18.000 Wow.

00:35:18.000 Schmeling salts.

00:35:19.000 Box it.

00:35:23.000 Help himself!

00:35:24.000 That's the crazy thing about sports. 0.99

00:35:26.000 Like, the whole country was racist, black people were gross, whatever. 1.00

00:35:30.000 But watching Joe Louis fight this German motherfucker, you got behind him. 1.00

00:35:34.000 They all got behind the black guy. 1.00

00:35:35.000 I think Joe was standing on something.

00:35:37.000 The height difference was not like that.

00:35:39.000 I think Joe was on the scale, getting weighed in.

00:35:45.000 That crowd knocked him out?

00:35:47.000 Yeah, he knocked him out in the first fight. 1.00

00:35:49.000 Damn. 1.00

00:35:50.000 Superior race. 0.99

00:35:51.000 You don't see that too often.

00:35:53.000 Joe was young.

00:35:55.000 He just knew.

00:35:56.000 Joe Lewis had some of the most perfect technique in the history of the heavyweight division.

00:36:01.000 The way he would throw a right hand, no telegraphing it at all.

00:36:05.000 He would just shoot it.

00:36:06.000 So just play the rematch.

00:36:08.000 That's pretty cool.

00:36:09.000 They're buddies when they're old there.

00:36:10.000 That's pretty nice.

00:36:11.000 Oh, there he is with Hitler.

00:36:13.000 Whoa! 1.00

00:36:15.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:36:16.000 His favorite boxer. 1.00

00:36:17.000 Hey, there he is with Adolf Hitler.

00:36:19.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:36:20.000 Wow.

00:36:21.000 Look how crazy that is.

00:36:23.000 Wow. 0.96

00:36:23.000 You gotta win or they'll kill you, you know? 0.96

00:36:25.000 You guys ever see the video of Hitler at the 36 Olympics tweaking on meth?

00:36:31.000 No!

00:36:32.000 It's amazing!

00:36:33.000 Pull it up! 0.91

00:36:34.000 He's just sitting there like rocking back and forth, like barely keeping together. 0.99

00:36:37.000 Owens is flying, he's like, God damn it! 0.98

00:36:40.000 He's gacked out of his way. 0.99

00:36:41.000 And notorious meth user.

00:36:43.000 Sure, they all were.

00:36:44.000 What?

00:36:44.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:36:45.000 That was like my favorite Bill Burr.

00:36:46.000 You didn't know that?

00:36:47.000 That was my favorite Burr bit.

00:36:48.000 He had a bit about Hitler?

00:36:50.000 Burr had a bit about Hitler, and then he's like, can you imagine getting in a limo with an even angrier Hitler after that race? 0.93

00:36:58.000 Right. 0.97

00:36:58.000 Like after he sat there and watched Owens fucking torch him. 0.97

00:37:01.000 He puts down his foam finger, and he's like... 0.99

00:37:04.000 Look at him there, tweaking.

00:37:06.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:37:08.000 Isn't that wild?

00:37:09.000 Wow. 1.00

00:37:10.000 Damn. 1.00

00:37:11.000 Because no one knew you had to hide it then. 0.99

00:37:12.000 They didn't even know what was going on.

00:37:14.000 They thought he was just really pumped up.

00:37:15.000 He was pumped up for the Olympics.

00:37:16.000 Look how crazy that is.

00:37:18.000 It's like Robin Williams before a gig.

00:37:19.000 Look how crazy that is.

00:37:21.000 What?

00:37:22.000 He did meth a lot?

00:37:23.000 Oh yeah, he did a lot of meth.

00:37:24.000 Is that why they were researching to make it like a perfect soldier?

00:37:27.000 Yes.

00:37:27.000 They realized that when people are on meth, they're fearless, they have crazy energy.

00:37:32.000 You probably know the story of Hitler confronting Mussolini.

00:37:35.000 Mussolini wanted to get out of the war, and Hitler was like, apparently he was so fatigued that he was at the point of exhaustion, and they shot him up with testosterone and meth. 0.95

00:37:46.000 And then he went straight to Mussolini and talked his fucking ear off for like five hours. 0.95

00:37:52.000 We're gonna start a bar. 0.99

00:37:53.000 We're best friends.

00:37:54.000 I love you.

00:37:55.000 Mussolini's.

00:37:56.000 Mussolini's.

00:37:56.000 It sounds good.

00:37:57.000 We're gonna do it. 1.00

00:37:58.000 Fuck it. 1.00

00:37:58.000 It's a pizza shop. 1.00

00:37:59.000 I got the idea.

00:38:00.000 I made a blueprint.

00:38:01.000 I love that.

00:38:01.000 And Mussolini was all in.

00:38:02.000 He's like, oh, okay.

00:38:04.000 I think that was Hitler's best friend. 1.00

00:38:06.000 I think he was like, Mussolini is the man.

00:38:09.000 You're charming on coke.

00:38:10.000 I could be wrong.

00:38:12.000 Well, I think it was just, he just beat him to death with his voice.

00:38:17.000 I think that was the story.

00:38:18.000 I don't know what he's saying, because I don't speak German, but when you listen to him talk, when he's addressing those giant crowds, I was like, who was a better orator?

00:38:26.000 America.

00:38:27.000 Trump.

00:38:27.000 But not even maybe.

00:38:30.000 Reagan, Trump.

00:38:30.000 But it's like, you can't do that kind anymore.

00:38:33.000 This is what I'm saying.

00:38:34.000 You can't do that angry.

00:38:37.000 No one will allow that.

00:38:38.000 Mussolini was nice.

00:38:39.000 El Duce, you ever see?

00:38:40.000 It's okay.

00:38:41.000 He would talk, and then he would stop and go, Oh, let's see Mussolini then.

00:38:44.000 Oh, pull him up.

00:38:45.000 I never watched.

00:38:46.000 I think Hitler's probably better, so we'll watch Mussolini first. 0.97

00:38:50.000 And Hitler will be the closest. 0.98

00:38:51.000 You know who else is the best? 1.00

00:38:52.000 Fucking Churchill, dude. 0.99

00:38:54.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:38:54.000 Churchill ruled. 1.00

00:38:56.000 Before we bring it up, Churchill, they had to bring him out of the fucking... 0.99

00:38:59.000 He was just drinking whiskey. 1.00

00:39:01.000 He was a fucking loser. 1.00

00:39:02.000 They literally have a cigar named after him, Churchill. 1.00

00:39:04.000 They brought him out of the bullpen. 0.99

00:39:06.000 They were like, you're the only dude in England that can talk shit. 0.99

00:39:09.000 At this level. 1.00

00:39:10.000 Really?

00:39:10.000 It's incredible, dude.

00:39:11.000 How was Mao?

00:39:12.000 Was Mao any good?

00:39:13.000 He was good.

00:39:14.000 He drank a lot.

00:39:15.000 He drank a lot.

00:39:16.000 But he would go hard.

00:39:17.000 He looked like he would go hard.

00:39:18.000 He had a schedule.

00:39:19.000 Oh, yeah. 0.92

00:39:19.000 It's like a, not Hunter S. Thompson type, but it's that type of thing where it's like, morning whiskey, I'll type something fucking after, like 9 a.m. 0.92

00:39:29.000 whiskey. 0.94

00:39:29.000 Yep. 0.94

00:39:30.000 It's crazy.

00:39:30.000 You know who else does that is Queen Elizabeth.

00:39:32.000 She has like a gin and tonic, then a gimlet, and then a, you know, like Four Loko or whatever, but she's She has a schedule with booze. 1.00

00:39:41.000 She's dead.

00:39:41.000 Well, when you're that old, she didn't know.

00:39:44.000 Early on.

00:39:44.000 Oh, yeah.

00:39:45.000 She survived.

00:39:46.000 You think it's a prop?

00:39:47.000 Replaced her? 0.94

00:39:47.000 Duncan thinks that the Biden that fell off the bike yesterday was a fake Biden. 0.94

00:39:51.000 That's a fucking young man, dude. 1.00

00:39:52.000 No. 1.00

00:39:52.000 You think it's a body double? 1.00

00:39:53.000 Did you see his fucking body? 1.00

00:39:55.000 Pull it up. 1.00

00:39:55.000 Let's see. 1.00

00:39:56.000 He's got a nice bod.

00:39:57.000 Yeah, Biden has nice legs.

00:39:59.000 He has nice legs.

00:40:00.000 Don't hate.

00:40:00.000 I think you're hating.

00:40:01.000 I couldn't have been happier to watch that guy fall.

00:40:05.000 That's how high gas prices are.

00:40:07.000 I'll be honest.

00:40:07.000 He is the gift that keeps giving.

00:40:09.000 If you're not a Biden fan...

00:40:10.000 I haven't seen it yet.

00:40:11.000 Let's see it.

00:40:12.000 It's fun.

00:40:13.000 Wait, you haven't seen this?

00:40:14.000 That's him! 0.99

00:40:15.000 Holy shit, dude. 0.99

00:40:16.000 I think that's him, dude. 0.99

00:40:17.000 Watch the video of him falling.

00:40:18.000 Yeah, it's definitely him.

00:40:18.000 It's the video of him falling.

00:40:20.000 He looks pretty toned.

00:40:22.000 It's so sad.

00:40:23.000 He says, I'm good.

00:40:23.000 Wait, he's already wearing...

00:40:24.000 He's not wearing knee pads.

00:40:26.000 I think above it is the video.

00:40:27.000 That's it.

00:40:28.000 It's so sad.

00:40:29.000 Should have had a knee pad. 0.97

00:40:30.000 I hope it's just a wobble.

00:40:31.000 He didn't have any knee pads.

00:40:32.000 No, he goes down hard.

00:40:33.000 Can I see?

00:40:33.000 What's a wobble story?

00:40:35.000 No, no wobble, dude.

00:40:36.000 He's got good legs.

00:40:37.000 What does he hit, grass?

00:40:38.000 Beautiful.

00:40:38.000 That's why I'm kind of amazed that he falls down so much, because if you look at his legs, they look pretty sturdy.

00:40:43.000 So he gets there and... 0.99

00:40:45.000 Oh, that'll fuck you up. 1.00

00:40:46.000 No, we didn't see it! 0.99

00:40:50.000 Fake.

00:40:50.000 He couldn't stop.

00:40:52.000 Every time you fell, that many people would help you up.

00:40:55.000 There's plenty of other videos.

00:40:57.000 Look at that guy smiling because he got it.

00:40:58.000 That guy was so happy.

00:41:00.000 You see the excitement in his thumbs?

00:41:02.000 No matter what, you see somebody fall off a bike, you're happy.

00:41:06.000 Yeah, come on. 0.77

00:41:07.000 But when they're that old, it becomes really funny.

00:41:10.000 Like if a 20-year-old guy falls like that, it's not as funny as a 79-year-old guy falling like that.

00:41:14.000 The president.

00:41:15.000 The president coming up and being like, hey everybody.

00:41:18.000 Who falls more than him?

00:41:19.000 Because it used to be they used to joke around about Gerald Ford being clumsy.

00:41:22.000 That's right. 0.72

00:41:23.000 That was the last guy that they talked about being a klutz.

00:41:25.000 What do you mean, that's right?

00:41:26.000 He fell a lot.

00:41:27.000 That was his thing.

00:41:28.000 Gerald Ford?

00:41:28.000 Yeah, he would fall walking up the Air Force One stairs.

00:41:31.000 You don't know?

00:41:31.000 No.

00:41:31.000 You didn't know that?

00:41:32.000 Well, here he goes.

00:41:33.000 Here he goes. 1.00

00:41:34.000 Stupid ass. 1.00

00:41:34.000 There he goes. 1.00

00:41:34.000 He's down. 1.00

00:41:35.000 Oh, he couldn't stop.

00:41:35.000 He was stopped.

00:41:36.000 What was that? 0.96

00:41:37.000 Well, his foot got stuck in the little fucking pedal thing, and he thought he was going to lean his weight on his right leg, but he had already tried to get his foot out of the pedal thing, and he already committed to going down. 0.98

00:41:47.000 He's like, here he goes. 0.98

00:41:48.000 I'm fine.

00:41:48.000 He shook it up.

00:41:49.000 It's hilarious.

00:41:50.000 He's talking to kids now.

00:41:51.000 I'm fine.

00:41:52.000 By the way, who's he talking to?

00:41:53.000 He got up well, too.

00:41:55.000 That's a hard fall.

00:41:56.000 I think he's talking to a young'un. 1.00

00:41:57.000 He's all right.

00:41:58.000 He does love the young'uns. 0.64

00:41:59.000 He does love the young'uns. 0.64

00:41:59.000 He'll smell them. 0.64

00:42:00.000 He smells their hands.

00:42:01.000 Is that Bob Saga behind him?

00:42:03.000 Bob's dead. 1.00

00:42:03.000 Shut up. 1.00

00:42:04.000 It's funny, before it was like, did he get assassinated? 1.00

00:42:07.000 Oh no, it's Biden.

00:42:08.000 He just took a spill.

00:42:09.000 Yeah, Biden, it's such a, that'd be so funny to be like the PR people on that and be like, we're gonna get you, you're gonna be riding a bike.

00:42:16.000 Everybody's saying you're not spry.

00:42:17.000 Right.

00:42:18.000 Here we go. 0.60

00:42:18.000 Speaking of assassinating. 0.60

00:42:19.000 I was like, damn it, I'm fired. 0.99

00:42:20.000 Speaking of assassinating, you know, Hinckley just got out of jail. 0.99

00:42:23.000 He's doing shows. 0.96

00:42:24.000 Hinckley's the goat, dude.

00:42:25.000 Well, he's doing shows, but the first venue that had him in Brooklyn, they canceled.

00:42:30.000 I saw that.

00:42:30.000 Because they were getting so many death threats.

00:42:32.000 I had tickets.

00:42:32.000 Who?

00:42:33.000 Old people? 1.00

00:42:35.000 I would see Hinckley.

00:42:36.000 It'd be hilarious.

00:42:36.000 He's a good musician.

00:42:38.000 His songs are pretty solid.

00:42:39.000 Wait, what?

00:42:40.000 Yeah, pull him up.

00:42:41.000 Alright, pull him up.

00:42:41.000 He had a lot of time.

00:42:42.000 Hell yeah.

00:42:43.000 He had a lot of time to work.

00:42:44.000 No, Hinckley's good at singing?

00:42:45.000 It's solid, yeah.

00:42:46.000 It's like singer-songwriter type stuff.

00:42:48.000 You're not thinking about Manson?

00:42:49.000 No, no, no.

00:42:50.000 Marilyn?

00:42:51.000 No, Manson has good songs.

00:42:52.000 Here we go.

00:42:52.000 Oh, really?

00:42:53.000 Here we go.

00:42:53.000 Let's get some.

00:42:54.000 Let's get some John Hinckley.

00:42:57.000 He looks like Favre from Super Troopers.

00:43:03.000 No way.

00:43:08.000 He's been in jail for 40 years.

00:43:11.000 The shower, the mess hall.

00:43:15.000 Alright dude, no lead up.

00:43:17.000 Alright dude, let me hear what you got.

00:43:20.000 Cut to it.

00:43:21.000 He's still on Spotify.

00:43:24.000 You're in my dreams most every night.

00:43:28.000 You're still looking fine.

00:43:31.000 Bob Dylan.

00:43:32.000 Yeah, he's got a lot of Bob Dylan influence.

00:43:35.000 He's got 60s in him.

00:43:39.000 You can drug test his eyes.

00:43:41.000 Yeah, dude.

00:43:42.000 I guess that MKUltra worked.

00:43:45.000 They got him.

00:43:47.000 Do you think that's what they did?

00:43:49.000 What is that?

00:43:50.000 Do you think he was like one of the Manchurian candidates? 1.00

00:43:52.000 That song sucks. 0.99

00:43:53.000 You know what's crazy? 1.00

00:43:54.000 That song was fucking crazy. 0.99

00:43:55.000 I've never heard of it in my life. 0.99

00:43:56.000 Maybe it is a better one.

00:43:57.000 Can't We Get Along?

00:43:58.000 He's got a song called Can't We Get Along?

00:44:00.000 Oh please, play it.

00:44:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:05.000 Shout out to Jodie Foster. 0.92

00:44:08.000 What up?

00:44:09.000 Jodie, I'm still here for you. 0.95

00:44:10.000 I don't believe in lesbians. 1.00

00:44:13.000 Everybody's fighting here and there. 0.97

00:44:16.000 This is terrible.

00:44:18.000 Play the best Charles Manson song.

00:44:19.000 Play the best Charles Manson song on Spotify.

00:44:22.000 It's good.

00:44:24.000 I think it's time we do.

00:44:28.000 Can't we get along all day long?

00:44:32.000 Starts with me and you.

00:44:34.000 That's like John Caparulo.

00:44:35.000 Yes!

00:44:36.000 Yeah, a little bit.

00:44:37.000 He's got the jam, so for real.

00:44:39.000 Tell you, this is solid.

00:44:40.000 This is good folk.

00:44:41.000 Now that you know Tinkley, it's funny.

00:44:43.000 Yeah, it's not good.

00:44:44.000 And he's going to get laid.

00:44:45.000 There's a woman who's into every kind of guy. 0.99

00:44:47.000 100%.

00:44:48.000 And he's going to get laid. 1.00

00:44:49.000 The kind of guy who has the balls to shoot at Reagan. 1.00

00:44:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:51.000 They should fuck him. 1.00

00:44:52.000 And hit him. 1.00

00:44:52.000 I'd fuck him. 1.00

00:44:53.000 And outlive him. 1.00

00:44:54.000 And outlive him.

00:44:56.000 Yeah!

00:44:57.000 How many years did he get?

00:44:58.000 41. 41 years.

00:45:00.000 That's not bad.

00:45:00.000 How did they decide on that?

00:45:01.000 Okay, look at your game, girl. 0.98

00:45:02.000 Look at your game, girl! 1.00

00:45:05.000 I hate your garbage, man! 1.00

00:45:09.000 Yeah, he rules. 1.00

00:45:10.000 He rules.

00:45:11.000 Free swastika. 0.89

00:45:12.000 Well, you know the whole story behind Manson.

00:45:14.000 Manson actually thought he was going to get a recording deal with Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys.

00:45:20.000 They became tight.

00:45:22.000 I believe it's Brian Wilson.

00:45:23.000 Yeah, he was tight.

00:45:24.000 He knew music producers.

00:45:26.000 They think it had something to do...

00:45:28.000 I forget the details, but it had something to do with one of the murders.

00:45:31.000 He was threatening people.

00:45:32.000 They were like, hey, man...

00:45:33.000 I know it's pre-cancer culture, but you can't be murdering a bunch of people.

00:45:37.000 This is not bad.

00:45:38.000 This is not that bad.

00:45:38.000 Let me hear more.

00:45:46.000 Three million.

00:45:51.000 Half the Holocaust. 0.86

00:45:57.000 Allegedly.

00:45:58.000 Allegedly.

00:46:01.000 That's good.

00:46:02.000 That's good 60s music.

00:46:03.000 That's not bad.

00:46:04.000 It's very 60s.

00:46:04.000 Listen to the whole album.

00:46:05.000 It's great.

00:46:06.000 I recommend it.

00:46:07.000 Okay, that's a wrap.

00:46:07.000 I'll Spotify now.

00:46:08.000 That's a wrap.

00:46:09.000 That's not that good either. 0.99

00:46:11.000 When you hear about the MKUltra shit, it's wild. 0.98

00:46:13.000 Did you ever read Chaos? 1.00

00:46:14.000 I don't know enough about it.

00:46:16.000 No, I haven't.

00:46:17.000 You gotta read Chaos by Tom O'Neil. 0.98

00:46:19.000 He's actually Greg Fitzsimmons' next-door neighbor for like 20 fucking years. 0.97

00:46:24.000 It's a crazy story. 0.98

00:46:25.000 Fitzsimmons is the one who told me about the guy.

00:46:27.000 He said, hey, I got this neighbor. 0.99

00:46:28.000 He's been working on this Charles Manson book for 20 fucking years. 0.99

00:46:31.000 It's been his obsession. 0.99

00:46:33.000 It's ruined his life.

00:46:34.000 He had to give money back to publishers because he didn't finish the book because he developed so much material.

00:46:41.000 Because he got into it from the perspective of, like, it was an anniversary thing, the anniversary of the murders, and he was writing this book.

00:46:48.000 It's called Chaos.

00:46:48.000 I can't recommend it enough.

00:46:50.000 It's a fucking fantastic book. 0.98

00:46:51.000 And so as he's writing the book, he realizes, like, oh my god, the whole story... 0.98

00:46:56.000 It was originally an article, and then he turned it into a book.

00:46:58.000 But he's like, the whole story of Manson's wrong.

00:47:01.000 But what's really about is the CIA giving LSD to hippies.

00:47:05.000 And he was one of the guys they experimented with.

00:47:07.000 It was all part of the MKUltra experiments. 0.68

00:47:10.000 100% there was some fuckery involved in Manson because he kept getting out of jail easy.

00:47:16.000 And the sheriffs would all say the same thing. 0.95

00:47:19.000 It was above my pay grade.

00:47:20.000 They had to let him out.

00:47:21.000 So he was involved in murders.

00:47:24.000 He was involved in robbery. 1.00

00:47:25.000 All kinds of crazy shit. 1.00

00:47:26.000 They let him out of jail. 1.00

00:47:27.000 And they were just giving him acid?

00:47:29.000 Not only did they give him acid, they taught him how to use acid to manipulate people and convince them to commit murders.

00:47:38.000 The CIA trained Charles Manson, I think, allegedly, maybe not, maybe somebody who was a rogue agent in the CIA. This is not official government policy.

00:47:47.000 They would never allow this.

00:47:48.000 They're gonna get you.

00:47:49.000 Somebody did it.

00:47:57.000 They took that out.

00:47:59.000 No, we're going to keep that in.

00:48:00.000 Because the book is amazing.

00:48:02.000 I think it's the old CIA. I think the CIA back then in the 60s, during that MKUltra period, there were different animals.

00:48:08.000 Joe, how about Whitey Bulger?

00:48:10.000 Oh yeah!

00:48:11.000 That's FBI though.

00:48:12.000 That's FBI. No, no, no.

00:48:13.000 He was MKUltrad.

00:48:15.000 Really?

00:48:15.000 He was MKUltrad.

00:48:16.000 What does that mean?

00:48:17.000 He was in Alcatraz and they were like, hey, this is for schizophrenia.

00:48:22.000 We're testing this drug.

00:48:24.000 We'll lessen your time if you do this.

00:48:26.000 I didn't know that.

00:48:27.000 He did.

00:48:27.000 Oh my god.

00:48:28.000 Juror who helped convict crime boss Whitey Bulger feels guilty after learning he was in MKUltra. 1.00

00:48:34.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:48:35.000 Whitey Bulger wrote to a juror who convinced him that he would be dosed with LSD, monitored by a physician, and repeatedly asked leading questions like, would you ever kill anyone? 1.00

00:48:47.000 No way.

00:48:47.000 Over 50 times.

00:48:49.000 Wow.

00:48:50.000 You know who else?

00:48:51.000 High doses.

00:48:52.000 You know who else?

00:48:53.000 What?

00:48:54.000 Ted Kaczynski.

00:48:55.000 What?

00:48:55.000 Ah, smart guy.

00:48:56.000 Ted Kaczynski was a part of the LSD studies at Harvard.

00:48:58.000 Yeah, shut it down.

00:48:59.000 They tortured him.

00:49:00.000 They tortured him. 1.00

00:49:01.000 They did all kinds of wild shit to him and fucked with his head. 1.00

00:49:04.000 And he was an already broken man. 1.00

00:49:06.000 Yeah.

00:49:06.000 There's a great documentary on Netflix about him.

00:49:09.000 About Ruby Rose and all that. 0.97

00:49:11.000 Well, the Kaczynski one, it's all about the Unabomber, but it's like how fucked up his childhood was. 0.76

00:49:16.000 He had some kind of weird disease when he was a baby, and so they put him in this hospital where they didn't touch him at all for months. 0.75

00:49:23.000 Wow! 1.00

00:49:24.000 That's Nazi shit! 1.00

00:49:25.000 Didn't touch him. 1.00

00:49:26.000 They didn't touch him at all because he had this, the parents weren't allowed to visit him, and when he came out of that...

00:49:31.000 Oh, I thought that was an experiment.

00:49:33.000 His development...

00:49:34.000 No, no, they experimented on him later with LSD, but this was just a fact that he was just sick, and they took him to this hospital to take care of him, and when they did, they didn't allow his parents to visit him, and no one handled him. 0.96

00:49:45.000 So when he was a little fucking baby, no one was taking care of him. 0.95

00:49:48.000 All the emotional attachment to people, they literally created a sociopath. 0.99

00:49:52.000 Yeah.

00:49:54.000 Because his brother is the one who turned him in.

00:49:56.000 His brother's a normal guy.

00:49:58.000 That's what we did at Big J. We're MKUltra.

00:50:00.000 True.

00:50:01.000 No, you MKUltra'd him.

00:50:02.000 By the way, you ever see what happened to that cop in Oklahoma City?

00:50:06.000 No.

00:50:07.000 The shooter? 1.00

00:50:08.000 No, this big fucking black dude. 1.00

00:50:11.000 He was like the first cop on the scene. 1.00

00:50:13.000 Boy, did they suicide that guy.

00:50:15.000 What are you talking about?

00:50:16.000 Who?

00:50:17.000 There's a cop that was like first on the scene at Oklahoma City that like...

00:50:21.000 Timothy McVeigh?

00:50:22.000 The bombing?

00:50:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:23.000 But they...

00:50:24.000 they said it was a suicide.

00:50:27.000 Terrence Yeeke...

00:50:28.000 Don't look into that.

00:50:29.000 Don't look into that dude's autopsy.

00:50:30.000 ...was the sergeant at Oklahoma City Police Department who was one of the first responders at the site of the Oklahoma City bombing, rescuing at least four people.

00:50:36.000 He died a year after his rescue service.

00:50:40.000 Yeeke was found to have committed suicide.

00:50:42.000 They found...

00:50:43.000 Why not believe it?

00:50:46.000 Look up his autopsy if you can.

00:50:48.000 It's wild.

00:50:49.000 What do you think?

00:50:50.000 A year later he was talking?

00:50:51.000 Well, just find an article that says he...

00:50:53.000 And don't find any that refutes it, please.

00:50:55.000 So he was at the...

00:50:55.000 He was at the bombing and then...

00:50:57.000 He saw what really happened.

00:50:59.000 Apparently he got into the...

00:51:00.000 Apparently the first thing he said to his wife was like, they're not telling the story at all of what happened. 0.99

00:51:06.000 And then he got fucking... 0.97

00:51:07.000 Well, you know, there was multiple bombs allegedly removed from that building. 0.99

00:51:12.000 And when you look at the way the building blew up, this is like one of the granddaddies of conspiracy theories, is the Oklahoma City bombing.

00:51:20.000 There's more to the story.

00:51:21.000 Because if you look at the building itself, what does it say there, Jamie?

00:51:25.000 Okay, when you look at the building itself, they said it was a fertilizer bomb, which they do make. 1.00

00:51:31.000 They're real.

00:51:31.000 And that they parked this truck at the base of the building and blew it up.

00:51:34.000 But if you look at the building, the building's blown outward.

00:51:37.000 Like, it's blown out. 0.97

00:51:39.000 Now, I'm obviously not a fucking bomb expert, but I talked to one. 0.98

00:51:42.000 You should see your act. 0.99

00:51:44.000 He can't stop himself!

00:51:48.000 Keep going.

00:51:49.000 Need some levity.

00:51:51.000 It did need levity.

00:51:53.000 If you look at the images of the building, if you look at the images of... 1.00

00:52:02.000 You're a fucking animal. 1.00

00:52:03.000 You can't be stopped. 1.00

00:52:05.000 Jack Ranger.

00:52:08.000 But I'm interested in the story.

00:52:09.000 I want to hear this.

00:52:10.000 Look at it.

00:52:11.000 Look how it's blown out.

00:52:12.000 Now imagine a truck at the base of the building causing all that damage and the way it's blown outward. 0.80

00:52:19.000 Now, it might be how a bomb would, if you had a fertilizer bomb at the bottom of the building, but what this guy was explaining to me, and again, I don't even remember his fucking name, but the guy was telling me, it was like, fertilizer bombs aren't that strong. 0.95

00:52:33.000 They're strong, they can kill a lot of people. 0.91

00:52:35.000 He goes, but they don't do that kind of damage to a structure.

00:52:38.000 This was his perspective.

00:52:40.000 He felt like there was more to the story.

00:52:42.000 I think there was stuff in there.

00:52:43.000 There's always more.

00:52:44.000 I forget what it was.

00:52:45.000 Google bombs were removed from Oklahoma City building.

00:52:52.000 Add juice to that.

00:52:53.000 Because there was a story.

00:52:54.000 You didn't want to see that autopsy.

00:52:56.000 We'll get to that too.

00:52:57.000 We'll get to the autopsy.

00:52:58.000 But there was a story in the news and on TV about they removed several bombs.

00:53:03.000 This is people that were at the scene right after it happened.

00:53:06.000 So before all the propaganda got into place, allegedly, tinfoil hat securely fastened, they had these guys saying that they were on television, that they were removing bombs from the building.

00:53:17.000 Unexploded bombs. 0.95

00:53:18.000 The news does fuck up. 0.97

00:53:20.000 Every now and then. 0.97

00:53:20.000 But why would they not cover that? 0.97

00:53:22.000 No, but they might have fucked up there. 0.98

00:53:24.000 That might not be true. 0.99

00:53:25.000 No, but it happens a lot, especially with a school shooting or something where they're like, we've heard there's a second shooter that was apprehended.

00:53:30.000 Exactly.

00:53:31.000 And then the conspiracy people latch onto that.

00:53:33.000 Exactly.

00:53:34.000 They'll be like, they said that.

00:53:35.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:53:36.000 It was some fucking local fucking Fox local... 1.00

00:53:38.000 Well, that was a big thing with the 9-11 thing, with Tower 7. The way Tower 7 went down... 1.00

00:53:44.000 What's Tower 7?

00:53:45.000 All I hear about is that for 20 years.

00:53:46.000 I'll be honest.

00:53:47.000 What you guys did to Tower 7 was a little out of pocket, dude.

00:53:50.000 You guys were in the building.

00:53:51.000 That was brazen.

00:53:51.000 We could've, and we did.

00:53:52.000 I thought there were two towers.

00:53:53.000 That was brazen.

00:53:54.000 Tower 7 is a building that was near the Twin Towers and it went down.

00:54:00.000 It looks like a controlled demolition.

00:54:01.000 What?

00:54:02.000 But if you look at the long version of the video, it's different.

00:54:06.000 See, the long version of the video, you see that it collapses in the center before it all collapses all around it.

00:54:11.000 The way they do a controlled demolition is they hit these bombs and they go off in order on all these floors.

00:54:19.000 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

00:54:20.000 And the building pancakes down. 0.96

00:54:21.000 Like casinos.

00:54:22.000 What happened with September 11, when you look at the way Tower 7 falls, it falls just like in controlled demolition, but the inside of it collapses first, because there was these crazy fires inside the building, and it destroyed the structure from the inside, because there was diesel tanks in the basement,

00:54:39.000 apparently.

00:54:39.000 So what was that?

00:54:40.000 How did those go off?

00:54:41.000 From the heat from the other one?

00:54:42.000 It wasn't a go-off.

00:54:43.000 It was everything started collapsing, and when the top levels collapse, everything just goes down.

00:54:49.000 And the structure just fell apart.

00:54:51.000 But it all fell apart at the same time.

00:54:53.000 From what?

00:54:54.000 Like, why did the first explosion happen?

00:54:55.000 Alright, stop playing, Dom.

00:54:56.000 Again. 1.00

00:54:57.000 You did it, you motherfucker. 1.00

00:54:59.000 Your uncle was there. 1.00

00:55:00.000 I'm neither a bomb expert or a structure expert.

00:55:02.000 I don't know how to make structures.

00:55:03.000 What did the Tower of Seven people say?

00:55:04.000 What's their excuse?

00:55:05.000 Why did that one go down when it wasn't hit by a plane?

00:55:07.000 I'm telling you the official story.

00:55:08.000 The official story is there was a lot of damage to the building, and then there was fires in the basement.

00:55:12.000 From what?

00:55:13.000 There was diesel. 0.98

00:55:13.000 From the fucking two giant buildings falling right next to it. 0.98

00:55:17.000 Fucking 9-11, dude. 1.00

00:55:17.000 Oh. 1.00

00:55:18.000 Plane planes should hit buildings.

00:55:20.000 But they didn't hit this plane!

00:55:23.000 Two eyewitnesses inside the Murrah Building who attest that they observed bomb squad personnel removing undetonated explosive devices from the building after the initial blast.

00:55:44.000 But here's the thing. 0.99

00:55:46.000 If you're an eyewitness, and this is a problem, whenever anything happens, it's fucked. 0.97

00:55:49.000 And this is what I was saying about September 11 with Tower 7. Whenever anything happens, it's fucked, everybody's memory's a mess. 0.99

00:55:57.000 It's a mess. 0.98

00:55:58.000 You have no idea what's going on.

00:55:59.000 If you've seen a bunch of people die and a building collapsed, you hear explosions, you think Yeah.

00:56:04.000 You think that a guy fleeing his deli is a terrorist.

00:56:07.000 It's like no one knows exactly what they're feeling because it's such a novel event.

00:56:11.000 It's such an unusual event that never occurs.

00:56:15.000 That all of your senses are on fire and you're terrified and you're also shocked.

00:56:22.000 Your memories aren't good.

00:56:23.000 Yeah.

00:56:23.000 You can't trust them.

00:56:24.000 It's one of the worst times.

00:56:25.000 That's the problem with eyewitnesses after someone gets assaulted.

00:56:29.000 No, Jamie, it's important.

00:56:30.000 You read it.

00:56:31.000 You're like, yo, you need to read this.

00:56:33.000 So here is this.

00:56:33.000 This is the guy who was the first responder on the scene.

00:56:38.000 What was his name again?

00:56:39.000 Yeeky.

00:56:40.000 Yeeky.

00:56:40.000 Very Yeeky.

00:56:41.000 This is Yeeky.

00:56:41.000 Okay, he ran back and forth into that concrete mass of bricks and mortar all day long, continued beyond exhaustion, far into the night.

00:56:48.000 He scraped and crawled and dug until his fingers bled and then kept digging some more.

00:56:53.000 On a cadre of heroes that day, Terry's performance was outstanding.

00:56:58.000 On May 11th, the following year, he was scheduled to receive the Medal of Valor from the Oklahoma City Police Department.

00:57:04.000 He never got it.

00:57:04.000 He was murdered.

00:57:05.000 Okay, why are they saying murdered?

00:57:06.000 They said suicide.

00:57:09.000 The official report said suicide, in quotes, in anyone who believes an ANFO bomb destroyed Murrah.

00:57:16.000 I don't know what that means.

00:57:17.000 Fertilizer, I guess.

00:57:18.000 Bomb destroyed Murrah.

00:57:29.000 Now, that's unbelievable.

00:57:45.000 What appeared to be rope burns on his neck, handcuff bruises to his wrists, and muddy grass embedded in his slash runes strongly indicated that he has some sort of help in traversing this final distance.

00:57:57.000 Was that corroborated or is this a Tripoli site?

00:57:59.000 This is like one of those like...

00:58:01.000 A Tripoli site! 0.51

00:58:01.000 This is the original Jesse Smollett. 0.51

00:58:03.000 What is suicide?

00:58:04.000 Bro, it's riflewarrior.com.

00:58:06.000 It's the most prestigious establishment in all the internet.

00:58:09.000 Oh, you don't check Rifle Warrior? 1.00

00:58:10.000 Bro, Rifle Warriors is shit. 1.00

00:58:12.000 Good coffee. 1.00

00:58:12.000 You don't check Rifle Warrior? 1.00

00:58:13.000 Let's go full on, yeah.

00:58:15.000 It's fair.

00:58:16.000 What do they have to get in?

00:58:17.000 Look at this.

00:58:17.000 The bullet's entrance wound was in the right temple above the eye.

00:58:21.000 It went through the policeman's head and exited in the area of the left cheek near the bottom of the ear loop.

00:58:26.000 The trajectory was 40 to 45 degrees angle above his head.

00:58:32.000 There were no powder burns.

00:58:33.000 No weapon was ever reported as found at the scene, but independent investigation speculated that Yeeke shot himself with a standard police issue Glock 9mm or.357 Magnum.

00:58:44.000 His head would have been far more destroyed than he apparently was.

00:58:47.000 Oh, if he shot him with that. 0.90

00:58:49.000 So he didn't shoot him with that.

00:58:51.000 So they think they might have shot him with like a.22.

00:58:54.000 Which makes sense.

00:58:55.000 The mob!

00:58:56.000 Anyway, I don't know what that means at all, but boy did they kill that guy.

00:58:59.000 Look at this.

00:59:00.000 Although Yeeke incident occurred some 30 miles away in a different jurisdiction, the investigation was quickly taken over, taken out of the hands of the El Reno police and the Canadian County Sheriff, and turned over to the Oklahoma City Police Department and the FBI. No homicide investigation was ever conducted,

00:59:19.000 and there was no autopsy. 0.98

00:59:21.000 Well, then what the fuck did we just look at? 0.98

00:59:23.000 That's what I was just going to say. 0.99

00:59:24.000 I was like, how did they get this then?

00:59:25.000 But maybe they did one after the fact.

00:59:27.000 Of course they did an autopsy.

00:59:28.000 Yeah.

00:59:28.000 The police maybe didn't do an autopsy.

00:59:30.000 Yeah, what does that mean?

00:59:30.000 How did they not do an autopsy?

00:59:32.000 I don't know anything.

00:59:32.000 Jews don't do autopsies.

00:59:33.000 They don't? 0.98

00:59:34.000 Nope.

00:59:34.000 What do you do when someone dies?

00:59:36.000 You bury them.

00:59:37.000 You go, oh, God.

00:59:38.000 You don't have to do an autopsy.

00:59:40.000 You do an autopsy.

00:59:40.000 Exactly.

00:59:41.000 You do an autopsy for criminal shit. 1.00

00:59:43.000 What happens? 1.00

00:59:43.000 You touch dairy and meat? 1.00

00:59:44.000 Something like that?

00:59:45.000 You got to bury the plate.

00:59:47.000 Or just implode?

00:59:48.000 Yeah.

00:59:48.000 Yeekies are good shoes.

00:59:50.000 I got some of those.

00:59:50.000 Yeezies?

00:59:51.000 Thank you.

00:59:54.000 Where'd you get those shorts, bro?

00:59:55.000 These are chubbies. 1.00

00:59:56.000 They send me free shit. 1.00

00:59:58.000 These are Jurassic Park. 1.00

00:59:58.000 Dinosaurs on them. 1.00

00:59:59.000 It works for them.

01:00:00.000 Kind of fresh.

01:00:00.000 It works for them.

01:00:01.000 I got decent thighs.

01:00:02.000 Dinosaurs and leaves.

01:00:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:00:05.000 Thank you, chubs.

01:00:07.000 I'll take anything free you send me, I'll wear it.

01:00:10.000 Don't say that.

01:00:10.000 I'm going to get everything.

01:00:11.000 Bring on the BLM, FUBU, I'll wear it. 0.58

01:00:16.000 Remember FUBU? I do remember.

01:00:18.000 For us, by us.

01:00:20.000 It was big.

01:00:20.000 Where'd it go?

01:00:22.000 It's not popular.

01:00:23.000 Probably you guys took it.

01:00:24.000 Yeah, we probably invested in it. 0.99

01:00:26.000 There's some shit that gets so big that Ed Hardy's out. 0.99

01:00:29.000 Right. 1.00

01:00:30.000 It gets so big it's cool to hate.

01:00:32.000 It afflictions.

01:00:34.000 Yeah, affliction was big.

01:00:36.000 That's exactly what happened to Dane Cook.

01:00:38.000 Yeah.

01:00:38.000 Too big.

01:00:39.000 Everybody cool and then he's like, I don't know.

01:00:43.000 Some other things.

01:00:44.000 We'll leave it there.

01:00:45.000 Some other things.

01:00:46.000 He's around.

01:00:47.000 Where's the popularity weighing, though, on a thing?

01:00:49.000 It just goes to like, wow, what?

01:00:51.000 I think it's like it's overexposure. 0.99

01:00:55.000 Once you see people you fucking hate wearing it, you're like, oh, this sucks. 0.98

01:00:58.000 When a thing is so blatantly trendy. 0.99

01:01:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:01:02.000 You remember the fucking trucker hats? 0.99

01:01:04.000 What was that company? 0.99

01:01:05.000 Van Dutch.

01:01:06.000 Yes, Van Dutch.

01:01:07.000 Remember that?

01:01:08.000 They were gigantic. 0.99

01:01:10.000 Like, you weren't anybody if you didn't have a fucking Van Dutch hat on. 0.99

01:01:12.000 You had to have that trucker hat on and go to that premiere, and you looked like a fucking superhero. 0.99

01:01:17.000 It looked cool. 0.99

01:01:18.000 They tapped into what people thought was cool for a minute.

01:01:20.000 Yeah.

01:01:21.000 What was that? 0.98

01:01:22.000 Remember Juicy on the Ass was big? 1.00

01:01:24.000 All that shit. 1.00

01:01:25.000 That was the beginning of the fat asses. 1.00

01:01:27.000 That was a good time. 1.00

01:01:28.000 Juicy on the Ass was pretty fun. 1.00

01:01:29.000 I'm fine with that. 0.96

01:01:30.000 Instrumental.

01:01:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:01:31.000 It was instrumental, because I, you know, coming from a guy with a flat ass, a Hank Hill. 0.99

01:01:36.000 Same. 0.99

01:01:36.000 I could never wear a Juicy. 0.99

01:01:38.000 No.

01:01:39.000 Well, guys aren't wearing them.

01:01:40.000 Girls are wearing them. 1.00

01:01:41.000 I know, but I'm thinking about the girls with the Hank Hills.

01:01:44.000 Remember when you would see a guy out with a Juicy? 1.00

01:01:47.000 What are you doing?

01:01:49.000 I don't think I ever saw a guy with the juicing.

01:01:52.000 We've seen him.

01:01:53.000 Some people are like, I'll do it too.

01:01:55.000 Well, that's pretty funny.

01:01:57.000 Guys, give it a shot.

01:01:58.000 They're not doing ironic.

01:01:59.000 It's funny to wear it.

01:02:00.000 You should get some juicy shorts. 1.00

01:02:03.000 That would be a style change.

01:02:06.000 Here's a question.

01:02:07.000 Are guys still sagging?

01:02:09.000 What's sagging?

01:02:10.000 Sagging their pants?

01:02:11.000 No.

01:02:13.000 Yeah, for sure, I've seen that.

01:02:14.000 Only the reels.

01:02:15.000 The reels.

01:02:16.000 Because a lot of white guys were trying to pull it off, and it was...

01:02:19.000 I did it.

01:02:20.000 Only the reels.

01:02:20.000 I grew up in a tough black neighborhood, and I sagged.

01:02:24.000 And all these white guys would give me shit. 1.00

01:02:28.000 He's going to post that on Instagram. 1.00

01:02:30.000 What happens if you don't sag?

01:02:32.000 You just wanted to fit in.

01:02:34.000 I feel like back in the day it was all about fitting in, not standing out, and now it's all about standing out.

01:02:38.000 Standing out is the fitting in.

01:02:40.000 But standing out is the fitting in as well.

01:02:41.000 I guess so.

01:02:42.000 Yeah, you're becoming typically unique.

01:02:44.000 I just wanted to get by and not get yelled at.

01:02:46.000 Yana says that great bit. 0.89

01:02:47.000 He's like, if I walk down the street and a bunch of guys called me a fag, he's like, I got off easy.

01:02:52.000 But now, that's like the biggest problem on the planet. 0.91

01:02:55.000 That's a good bit.

01:02:56.000 So true.

01:02:57.000 So true.

01:02:58.000 Yeah, that's it?

01:02:59.000 You're just going to yell out an insult?

01:03:01.000 Yeah.

01:03:02.000 I got off easy.

01:03:02.000 You don't have to go to the hospital?

01:03:03.000 Right, right.

01:03:04.000 But isn't it amazing how fads change a body type?

01:03:08.000 Yeah.

01:03:08.000 Like, you look at Paris Hilton in 2005. Bone thin.

01:03:11.000 Bone thin, no ass! 1.00

01:03:13.000 Just flat, and now you gotta have an ass. 1.00

01:03:15.000 That was for the ladies, though. 1.00

01:03:16.000 Because Kim Kardashian blew up bigger than her, and she had that big ass. 1.00

01:03:20.000 That's for the men. 1.00

01:03:21.000 Totally.

01:03:22.000 But now it's for the ladies, too. 0.85

01:03:23.000 Now I think they understand.

01:03:24.000 It's like the grade is shift.

01:03:26.000 Yes. 1.00

01:03:27.000 No one knew that people liked big asses until... 1.00

01:03:31.000 Who was it? 0.99

01:03:31.000 Was it J-Lo? 0.99

01:03:32.000 Black guys. 0.80

01:03:33.000 Who brought it in? 0.93

01:03:34.000 They brought it in.

01:03:35.000 Baby got back.

01:03:36.000 Yeah.

01:03:37.000 That was for sure a part of it. 0.99

01:03:39.000 But it's like, for a long time, women in the 70s, they didn't have asses. 0.99

01:03:44.000 No. 0.99

01:03:44.000 No one cared. 0.99

01:03:46.000 In the 90s.

01:03:47.000 Go watch a movie.

01:03:48.000 Actually, watch a movie.

01:03:50.000 What was her name?

01:03:51.000 Jessica Simpson?

01:03:52.000 Yeah.

01:03:52.000 Remember?

01:03:53.000 She was like the hottest lady. 1.00

01:03:54.000 She did that fucking zero ass. 1.00

01:03:56.000 Wow. 1.00

01:03:56.000 It's all tits. 1.00

01:03:57.000 Dude, I just watched Jessica Simpson's fucking... 1.00

01:04:01.000 Dukes of Hazzard music video. 1.00

01:04:03.000 It's not as hot as you think.

01:04:05.000 Really?

01:04:06.000 Dukes of Hazzard music video?

01:04:07.000 She was Daisy Duke.

01:04:08.000 What?

01:04:09.000 In the remake.

01:04:10.000 In the movie.

01:04:10.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:04:11.000 I jerked off to that. 0.96

01:04:12.000 Well, that's pretty nice. 1.00

01:04:12.000 Shut up, dude. 1.00

01:04:13.000 That's great! 1.00

01:04:14.000 Hold on.

01:04:14.000 Wait a minute.

01:04:15.000 That's not good enough for you, Shane?

01:04:16.000 Guys?

01:04:16.000 How many beers have you had?

01:04:17.000 Dang gummit. 1.00

01:04:19.000 Danggummit, what the fuck are you saying? 1.00

01:04:21.000 We're talking Dukes of Hazzard. 1.00

01:04:23.000 Her sister's hot too, by the way. 1.00

01:04:25.000 I'm sure.

01:04:25.000 Which one?

01:04:26.000 Ashley, the lip sync queen. 0.99

01:04:28.000 Oh my god, remember that moment when the fucking lip sync went out of SNL? I was watching it live. 0.99

01:04:33.000 Oh, and everyone's like, what?

01:04:35.000 This whole thing is fake?

01:04:36.000 Oh yeah.

01:04:37.000 Do you think that a music engineer did that on purpose?

01:04:40.000 No way.

01:04:40.000 What a great move.

01:04:41.000 Very possibly.

01:04:42.000 What a great move that would be. 0.90

01:04:43.000 Good troll. 0.81

01:04:44.000 What a great move that would be. 0.89

01:04:45.000 That'd be nice. 1.00

01:04:45.000 Fuck this bitch. 1.00

01:04:46.000 Just be like, you know this person sucks? 1.00

01:04:48.000 The industry, you know, maybe you're like, really an Elvis Costello fan or something. 1.00

01:04:51.000 Or if she was a cunt to him or something, and then he's like, you know what? 0.99

01:04:54.000 I'm just gonna ruin it. 1.00

01:04:55.000 I don't know, let's hold it up.

01:04:56.000 Hold on, you'll see.

01:04:57.000 You don't think she's hot, right?

01:04:59.000 You don't think she's hot. 0.99

01:04:59.000 No, I think she's incredibly hot. 0.99

01:05:01.000 That's not good enough for you.

01:05:02.000 Wait till you see the group and the dancers with her. 0.98

01:05:05.000 That's not good enough for you.

01:05:05.000 I get it, Shane.

01:05:06.000 Willie Nelson's there.

01:05:07.000 Oh, dude, that's not good enough for you.

01:05:09.000 It's a little surprising. 0.99

01:05:10.000 She's so fucking hot! 1.00

01:05:12.000 Oh my goodness, boys. 0.99

01:05:13.000 Very hot.

01:05:15.000 Shane's not impressed.

01:05:16.000 That don't impress me much.

01:05:20.000 You don't like that?

01:05:24.000 That's not good enough for you?

01:05:25.000 No, watch the girls with her. 1.00

01:05:27.000 Also, no one has an ass. 1.00

01:05:28.000 Just watch. 1.00

01:05:29.000 It's crazy to think that back then they're like, I gotta get rid of my big ass. 1.00

01:05:32.000 Well, they didn't have big asses. 1.00

01:05:35.000 Some preposterous asses today. 1.00

01:05:37.000 Even the black chick! 1.00

01:05:38.000 Thank you.

01:05:39.000 Wow.

01:05:41.000 It's crazy.

01:05:42.000 Don't you guys feel differently than you did 20 seconds ago?

01:05:45.000 I'm with you.

01:05:46.000 Hey, turns out Shane might have been right.

01:05:47.000 Fun fact.

01:05:49.000 This shot in Baton Rouge when I was at LSU, and Johnny Knoxville would go to the bar every night.

01:05:54.000 I don't know if I should be saying this, but he would go to the bar every night and Clean up!

01:05:58.000 And he had chlamydia.

01:05:59.000 Don't tell anybody.

01:06:00.000 Everybody in Baton Rouge got chlamydia.

01:06:03.000 Because he just ran it through.

01:06:05.000 Wow.

01:06:06.000 Good times.

01:06:06.000 Is that one of those things you can't get twice?

01:06:09.000 Oh, you can get it twice.

01:06:10.000 You can get chlamydia twice.

01:06:13.000 It's not like a chicken pox party?

01:06:15.000 That was the original COVID thing.

01:06:17.000 Like, uh, no, trust me, you can't get it twice.

01:06:18.000 Not one of those girls ever saw the bottom of a squat rack. 1.00

01:06:21.000 Not one of them.

01:06:21.000 None of them were underneath a squat rack.

01:06:23.000 No.

01:06:24.000 Girls today are different. 0.99

01:06:25.000 They're different, and it's not that long ago.

01:06:27.000 They all have muscles.

01:06:28.000 It's not that long ago.

01:06:29.000 I like the muscle.

01:06:30.000 I like it.

01:06:31.000 A little bit of muscle. 0.99

01:06:32.000 I remember when I was in Philly, I lived near Drexel, and Matt had a fucking pass to go into Drexel's gym, and I would go in there and see there's young Asians working on their asses. 1.00

01:06:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:06:44.000 And I tried to warn the populace. 0.99

01:06:46.000 I said, there's a wave of thick Asians headed our way. 1.00

01:06:50.000 And I don't think we're built for it, dude.

01:06:51.000 Charlie's coming.

01:06:52.000 I don't think we would be able to survive this. 0.94

01:06:54.000 Because I'll strangle my girlfriend to death. 0.99

01:06:57.000 I went to China and Asians will just squat to sit. 1.00

01:07:01.000 That's like how they relax. 1.00

01:07:02.000 And shit. 1.00

01:07:02.000 They just squat. 1.00

01:07:03.000 And shit. 1.00

01:07:04.000 They go down there and they're like, eh, as long as I'm down here. 1.00

01:07:05.000 But you see a guy just smoking, squatting on the sidewalk like this.

01:07:08.000 Yeah, yeah, like a full squat.

01:07:10.000 Yeah.

01:07:11.000 Comfortable.

01:07:11.000 Dude, women are hotter than they've ever been right now.

01:07:13.000 Can you squat lower than that comfortable?

01:07:15.000 No.

01:07:15.000 That's what they said then, though.

01:07:17.000 They're hot.

01:07:17.000 Can you do that?

01:07:18.000 Is that comfortable?

01:07:19.000 That's not bad.

01:07:19.000 That's not bad?

01:07:20.000 I mean, give me five minutes.

01:07:21.000 That's like a general mobility test. 0.97

01:07:24.000 Whether or not you can go ass to grass.

01:07:27.000 Whether you can sit ass to heels on the ground. 1.00

01:07:29.000 Oh, fuck no. 1.00

01:07:30.000 That's hot. 1.00

01:07:30.000 You can't do that? 1.00

01:07:31.000 No, my knees would be...

01:07:32.000 Banged up.

01:07:33.000 You, uh, were you pushing the sled out there?

01:07:35.000 Looks like your knees are alright.

01:07:36.000 They're alright.

01:07:37.000 I'm working on it.

01:07:38.000 Can you do it?

01:07:39.000 Yeah, sure. 1.00

01:07:40.000 Oh shit! 0.99

01:07:41.000 Ari's built like... 1.00

01:07:42.000 Well, Ari has long asses. 1.00

01:07:45.000 You're built like Gollum. 1.00

01:07:46.000 Leave your knees forward, you're fine.

01:07:47.000 No matter how weak your knees are, just go further for the forward.

01:07:48.000 No, but some people, they just don't have the range of motion in their knees.

01:07:51.000 You're built like Gollum, dude.

01:07:53.000 You look like Gollum.

01:07:54.000 Yeah!

01:07:55.000 Ew, you got an Audi? 1.00

01:07:56.000 This is every fucking Chinese person. 1.00

01:07:58.000 Good car. 1.00

01:07:59.000 That's not everyone.

01:08:00.000 Why do they do that with their shirt?

01:08:03.000 That's a thing, they roll their shirt off?

01:08:05.000 Chinese bikini. 0.86

01:08:05.000 They do that? 0.86

01:08:06.000 Yeah, Chinese bikini. 0.99

01:08:07.000 So in China they roll their shirts off?

01:08:09.000 Yeah, the bros do.

01:08:10.000 I wasn't just making that up.

01:08:11.000 The bros do.

01:08:12.000 The dudes do and it's not gay at all. 1.00

01:08:13.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

01:08:13.000 Fat dudes. 1.00

01:08:14.000 That's just a thing? 0.98

01:08:15.000 Fat dudes will walk around like that. 1.00

01:08:16.000 I was taking my shirt off day one. 0.95

01:08:17.000 Ripped six.

01:08:18.000 Chinese bikini. 0.86

01:08:19.000 I can see your C-section scar.

01:08:23.000 Chinese bikini? 0.99

01:08:28.000 That sounds like a sex move, a Chinese bikini. 1.00

01:08:31.000 How many of your stories did you put on specials from China? 0.93

01:08:35.000 Did you put any of those stories on specials? 0.93

01:08:37.000 The Shit Scott story on This Not Happening? 0.73

01:08:40.000 I did... 0.99

01:08:41.000 Who could forget?

01:08:43.000 What?

01:08:44.000 What are you talking about?

01:08:46.000 When I got back, I was not here.

01:08:48.000 We were just riffing, talking about it.

01:08:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:08:50.000 You have some amazing shit stories in China. 1.00

01:08:53.000 Really? 1.00

01:08:54.000 That guy made a video of it, a cartoon of it.

01:08:57.000 Oh, Polytoon.

01:08:58.000 Yeah, Polytoon's awesome.

01:09:00.000 Love that guy.

01:09:00.000 He's awesome.

01:09:00.000 Love that guy.

01:09:01.000 He was like, how are the bathrooms?

01:09:03.000 And it's like, oh.

01:09:04.000 I was like, horrific.

01:09:06.000 It's just a hole, right?

01:09:07.000 Just a hole.

01:09:08.000 So my brother was in the Peace Corps.

01:09:10.000 We went to visit him.

01:09:11.000 I'm talking village, Africa, huts, like, all in. 0.99

01:09:15.000 Everybody's, you know, beating women, and the women are just doing that cornmeal shit all day, and then there's a lady doing her hair. 1.00

01:09:21.000 It was crazy. 0.99

01:09:23.000 So I went to visit him.

01:09:24.000 Nightmare.

01:09:25.000 He did it for two years!

01:09:26.000 I don't know how he did it, but I was like, where's the bathroom?

01:09:30.000 And I'm wearing a full dashiki, the whole thing.

01:09:32.000 Because you gotta fit in.

01:09:33.000 You were trying to fit in.

01:09:35.000 Yeah!

01:09:35.000 I got AIDS. And I go to the bathroom, and it's a hole just in the ground, and I shit in it, and I nailed it perfectly, and right when my turd hit the water, roaches came out!

01:09:48.000 So you're in the most vulnerable position of your life, shitting, and then you're like, there's like 900 roaches coming out of the hole. 0.99

01:09:53.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:09:54.000 Good times. 0.99

01:09:55.000 Dude, I had food poisoning in Myanmar, had to go in all fours, barf into one of those holes, and then go back to fucking diarrhea-ing into it. 1.00

01:10:02.000 And then back, hands and knees. 1.00

01:10:05.000 Damn. 1.00

01:10:06.000 Callan told me he was in China, and he was shitting into a hole, and he realized there was pigs underneath there. 1.00

01:10:12.000 That's probably a big victory for those pigs, though. 1.00

01:10:14.000 They eat the shit. 1.00

01:10:15.000 It's a cycle. 1.00

01:10:16.000 They're having fun. 1.00

01:10:17.000 They eat shit anyway. 1.00

01:10:19.000 They eat shit all the time. 1.00

01:10:21.000 True, and then we eat those pigs. 1.00

01:10:22.000 And we eat ass. 1.00

01:10:23.000 Wild pigs eat cow shit all the time. 1.00

01:10:27.000 Really? 1.00

01:10:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:10:28.000 They find them on farms.

01:10:29.000 They eat cow dung.

01:10:31.000 They eat everything.

01:10:31.000 Why not?

01:10:32.000 They eat everything.

01:10:32.000 It's all nature.

01:10:34.000 Cycle.

01:10:36.000 I mean, that is, listen, that's rats. 1.00

01:10:39.000 Rats eat a ton of shit. 1.00

01:10:41.000 They eat a lot of dog shit. 1.00

01:10:43.000 Rats, uh, like, besides bio-aggression, they're one of the best dog shit cleaner-uppers. 1.00

01:10:50.000 Interesting. 1.00

01:10:51.000 I got pissed so bad, bro.

01:10:52.000 Already?

01:10:53.000 This is how it works, dude. 1.00

01:10:55.000 Damn. 1.00

01:10:56.000 What a wuss. 1.00

01:10:57.000 It's that weak Jew bladder. 1.00

01:11:00.000 Hold on, I had another thing. 0.99

01:11:02.000 Rats is another group that helps.

01:11:04.000 You know what's funny? 1.00

01:11:05.000 When he was telling that shit story, I was like, I know a guy who shit in Africa. 1.00

01:11:11.000 You started telling him, I was like, you're the guy! 1.00

01:11:13.000 Oh, that was me?

01:11:14.000 I've told you that before?

01:11:15.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:11:15.000 That story fucked me up. 0.98

01:11:17.000 I did a week there, I wanted to kill myself. 0.99

01:11:18.000 The mosquitoes, the The food and everything.

01:11:21.000 Dude, going with your family?

01:11:21.000 Did you have to take malaria medication?

01:11:22.000 I did.

01:11:23.000 Yeah?

01:11:24.000 Did it protect you?

01:11:25.000 Mosquitoes have killed more people on earth than any war or anything. 0.99

01:11:28.000 I'd be so mad if my brother was in the fucking Peace Corps and then my family was like, we're visiting him. 0.99

01:11:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:11:35.000 I'd be like, dude, no we're not.

01:11:36.000 I'm glad I went.

01:11:37.000 I mean, I was 20, so I was young enough to...

01:11:40.000 But we went to Morocco, Marrakesh, Fez.

01:11:43.000 We did the whole Africa and then we went there.

01:11:46.000 Morocco is not... 0.76

01:11:46.000 It's beautiful. 0.76

01:11:48.000 The full Africa. 0.82

01:11:49.000 No, no.

01:11:49.000 That's a nice...

01:11:50.000 I think it's probably as good as it gets.

01:11:52.000 They don't have catalytic converters there, so there's just a fog like six feet in the air.

01:11:57.000 You just see this dirty air.

01:11:59.000 It's gross.

01:12:00.000 It just hovers above you. 1.00

01:12:02.000 Goddamn. 0.99

01:12:02.000 And you couldn't drink the water. 0.99

01:12:03.000 I went to Mexico City.

01:12:04.000 Flying into Mexico City, it looked like there was a fire.

01:12:07.000 I took photos of it.

01:12:08.000 I put it on my Instagram.

01:12:09.000 I'm like, this is...

01:12:10.000 See if you can find it.

01:12:11.000 It's so crazy.

01:12:12.000 Like, this is a normal day.

01:12:13.000 I asked the people.

01:12:14.000 I'm like, this is a normal day?

01:12:15.000 They're like, this is a normal day.

01:12:16.000 Whoa.

01:12:17.000 That's a major city, like a pretty cool city.

01:12:20.000 It's giant. 0.97

01:12:20.000 They don't give a fuck about traffic lights. 0.97

01:12:22.000 Oh, really? 1.00

01:12:23.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:12:24.000 That's just a suggestion. 1.00

01:12:25.000 Right.

01:12:26.000 They don't care. 1.00

01:12:27.000 Red light, fuck it, I'm going. 1.00

01:12:28.000 Damn. 1.00

01:12:29.000 I mean, every intersection was jammed up. 1.00

01:12:31.000 Look at that.

01:12:32.000 That's a photo I took.

01:12:34.000 Jesus.

01:12:34.000 Yeah, it's pretty gray.

01:12:35.000 I said it's like LA on steroids.

01:12:36.000 What year is that?

01:12:37.000 How long ago was that?

01:12:39.000 396 weeks.

01:12:40.000 Gee, that's a weird way to measure it.

01:12:42.000 2014. Look at that smart motherfucker. 1.00

01:12:45.000 Autism, baby. 1.00

01:12:46.000 Look at you.

01:12:46.000 No, it says it.

01:12:47.000 Yeah.

01:12:48.000 Yeah.

01:12:49.000 Wild.

01:12:49.000 Oh.

01:12:53.000 That's crazy that these people are breeding this in.

01:12:55.000 Not only that, but they're also at, I think it's 7,000 feet above sea level.

01:13:00.000 It's very high.

01:13:02.000 So you have low oxygen and you have high smog.

01:13:06.000 Really crazy.

01:13:07.000 It's probably one of the worst air quality places on Earth.

01:13:11.000 I had a headache.

01:13:13.000 From the moment I got there, I was like, whoa.

01:13:15.000 Well, LA was bad, but they cleaned it up.

01:13:17.000 Yes.

01:13:18.000 That was in the 70s.

01:13:19.000 But that's unleaded gasoline versus leaded gasoline.

01:13:22.000 This is crazy.

01:13:23.000 When they first had these engines, and they were using gasoline, the engines were like ping, and they'd make all those, like, how do we stop this from happening?

01:13:32.000 They'd go, oh, we'll just put lead in the gasoline. 0.98

01:13:35.000 And then somewhere along the line, they'd go, hey, we did blood tests on people, and everyone's got lead poison.

01:13:41.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:43.000 Like, they figured out the leaded gasoline was fucking up everybody.

01:13:47.000 Didn't someone tell us this whole story on the podcast?

01:13:51.000 Or was this someone who talked to me off the podcast?

01:13:55.000 They might have.

01:13:56.000 I don't remember.

01:13:57.000 You're 78. Don't you feel like things have changed?

01:14:01.000 You used to see a lot more retarded people, I feel like. 1.00

01:14:04.000 You used to see a lot more...

01:14:05.000 Now it's just all autism and ADD and stuff like that.

01:14:08.000 But I feel like you saw the kid with one foot longer than the other.

01:14:11.000 That's gone. 0.99

01:14:12.000 Oh, you mean real fucked up. 0.99

01:14:14.000 It was like fucked up people. 0.99

01:14:15.000 I thought you meant like Down syndrome. 0.99

01:14:16.000 There's that too.

01:14:17.000 They're kicking around.

01:14:18.000 Really?

01:14:18.000 I feel like I used to see more.

01:14:19.000 You see way less.

01:14:20.000 You see way less.

01:14:21.000 Well, you know what?

01:14:22.000 Well, that's...

01:14:22.000 I mean, if you follow the right accounts, you see more of them.

01:14:26.000 But I just feel like we've changed illnesses.

01:14:30.000 Well, we're going to get to the point within our lifetime where you can genetically engineer diseases away. 0.91

01:14:35.000 They're already starting to do that.

01:14:36.000 Cancer!

01:14:37.000 They fixed it.

01:14:37.000 Yeah, well, in China, they've developed...

01:14:40.000 They figured out a way...

01:14:41.000 This is a funny one.

01:14:42.000 China's lying constantly. 0.86

01:14:43.000 That's why this is a funny one.

01:14:45.000 This is one where they engineered out HIV in these people, but made them way more intelligent in the process.

01:14:53.000 Whoops.

01:14:53.000 Sorry.

01:14:54.000 Wait, what?

01:14:55.000 Yeah.

01:14:55.000 See if we can find that.

01:14:57.000 China keeps fibbing. 1.00

01:14:58.000 Yeah, they're doing some shit. 1.00

01:15:00.000 They're like, oh, COVID's done here? 1.00

01:15:01.000 They're doing some shit. 0.99

01:15:02.000 Remember that? 0.99

01:15:03.000 They did it like month seven.

01:15:05.000 They were like zero cases.

01:15:07.000 China has 0.0.

01:15:07.000 Now it's back up.

01:15:08.000 How about the Uyghurs? 1.00

01:15:09.000 They just take the Muslims and bring them to some spot. 1.00

01:15:12.000 Nobody knows what the fuck is going on. 1.00

01:15:14.000 We're going to re-educate you. 0.99

01:15:15.000 Total media blackout.

01:15:17.000 Yeah, we're going to re-educate you.

01:15:18.000 You know what we did?

01:15:19.000 Yes.

01:15:19.000 You know what we did kind of skip over as far as how funny it was during COVID was trying to just netting dudes.

01:15:26.000 Just netting them. 1.00

01:15:28.000 Dudes trying to run and get hit with a fucking net. 1.00

01:15:30.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:15:31.000 China's CRISPR twins may have had their brains inadvertently enhanced.

01:15:35.000 What?

01:15:37.000 Whoopsies.

01:15:37.000 Didn't mean to do that.

01:15:38.000 New research suggests that a controversial gene editing experiment to make children resistant to HIV may also have enhanced their ability to learn and form memories.

01:15:48.000 I mean, that's great.

01:15:49.000 They did it on purpose. 1.00

01:15:50.000 Damn! 1.00

01:15:51.000 And those, I believe, Google this, I believe those doctors were arrested. 1.00

01:15:54.000 Like, what are you doing?

01:15:57.000 I think they went to jail.

01:15:58.000 I mean, they were probably arrested and executed, and they were like, write that down, what you learned.

01:16:03.000 If memory serves me correct, which it doesn't always, but I think they let them out.

01:16:07.000 That's because you're not a CRISPR twin.

01:16:09.000 That sounds like it.

01:16:10.000 You can tell the guy who discovered COVID, right?

01:16:12.000 Did they?

01:16:13.000 Yeah, the guy who discovered COVID was like...

01:16:15.000 Oh, really?

01:16:16.000 They killed him?

01:16:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:18.000 The creator of the CRISPR babies has been released from a Chinese prison.

01:16:21.000 Ah!

01:16:24.000 Heijiangkui created the first gene-edited children.

01:16:27.000 Pretty good.

01:16:28.000 The price was his career and his freedom.

01:16:31.000 Or...

01:16:31.000 When was he arrested?

01:16:32.000 How long did he even spend in jail?

01:16:34.000 He works for the government.

01:16:35.000 Right.

01:16:35.000 The CRISPR twins sounds like a group that sells more to me.

01:16:38.000 He was in jail for three years for making it superhuman.

01:16:40.000 We were at the Funny Bone last week.

01:16:41.000 CRISPR Twins sold out.

01:16:42.000 CRISPR Twins, they're black MAGA guys. 1.00

01:16:44.000 Shit rules. 1.00

01:16:46.000 They're adding shows. 0.98

01:16:47.000 They're getting shadow banned on Instagram. 1.00

01:16:49.000 Shit's fucking great, though. 1.00

01:16:51.000 CRISPR Twins. 1.00

01:16:52.000 They're killing it.

01:16:53.000 That would be it.

01:16:54.000 We're CRISPR. We're not black, but we're kind of CRISPR. BT. Buffalo choice.

01:16:59.000 Hit me fatty. 0.57

01:17:00.000 There you go, Mark. 0.99

01:17:01.000 I'm trying to show you, creeps. 1.00

01:17:03.000 Last time you had two sips made me look like a goddamn fool. 1.00

01:17:07.000 Can I get another ball of ice? 1.00

01:17:09.000 Yeah, we can definitely get more ice.

01:17:11.000 Why did you decide to go hard this time? 0.99

01:17:12.000 Well, I feel like you guys were saying, ah, I phoned it in, I phoned it in, so I wanted to show you that I'm going to shit blood. 0.93

01:17:18.000 You're doing great. 0.98

01:17:18.000 It's that autism. 0.98

01:17:19.000 And then you take a piss and you're back to 100%.

01:17:22.000 Yeah.

01:17:23.000 Oh, the piss was great.

01:17:23.000 I wanted that for about an hour.

01:17:24.000 That piss feels so good. 0.90

01:17:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:17:26.000 Once you started talking about going to fucking crazy places, I was like, I can't go yet. 0.99

01:17:29.000 Well, I have a benefit in holding my piss in today because I'm dehydrated because I went into the sauna. 1.00

01:17:34.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:17:34.000 So I'm probably good. 0.99

01:17:36.000 Schwitz.

01:17:36.000 I'm probably good for a while.

01:17:37.000 Why am I fancy Schwitz? 0.98

01:17:38.000 I could not fucking sleep last night. 0.99

01:17:40.000 I maybe got an hour sleep last night. 1.00

01:17:42.000 Shut up. 0.99

01:17:43.000 No. 1.00

01:17:43.000 It's a fucking terrible story. 1.00

01:17:45.000 I had jock itch. 1.00

01:17:47.000 I've had it.

01:17:47.000 Not jock itch, but like crazy jock itch.

01:17:50.000 It's a nightmare.

01:17:51.000 I'm like, I'm going to ignore this. 0.99

01:17:52.000 And then I started pinching the skin around my balls, pinching it. 0.82

01:17:55.000 It's like it scratched so much I wanted to claw at it, so instead I pinched my ball skin, and then I got up and I put defense soap, the salve on it, because I know what it is. 0.74

01:18:06.000 It's like foot fungus.

01:18:07.000 It's the exact same thing.

01:18:09.000 I thought it was dryness.

01:18:10.000 Outside, all day yesterday, in the yard, I was shooting arrows, I was swimming in the pool, I had wet underwear, I wore them around, and I probably developed- Your paris were soaked.

01:18:20.000 I got a yeast infection.

01:18:21.000 It happens.

01:18:21.000 That's what it is.

01:18:22.000 Yeah, it's a jock itch.

01:18:23.000 It's the same thing as a ringworm.

01:18:26.000 Dude, I had it for a month, and the only thing that worked, I put cultures on there. 0.99

01:18:30.000 You always hear, like, hey, you gotta put yogurt on your dick, which didn't work. 0.98

01:18:34.000 Are you guys doing shotgun these? 0.99

01:18:35.000 Is that what you understand?

01:18:36.000 You gotta get a...

01:18:36.000 Tough acting, ten acting.

01:18:38.000 Yeah, there's medicine.

01:18:38.000 That's what it was.

01:18:39.000 Tough acting, ten acting.

01:18:40.000 It worked. 1.00

01:18:41.000 It burned like a motherfucker. 1.00

01:18:43.000 I would run around the house like, ah! 1.00

01:18:44.000 That's what that is.

01:18:45.000 But it works.

01:18:46.000 Dude, the last, like, five summers...

01:18:50.000 I get it.

01:18:51.000 It's a hell.

01:18:52.000 It stinks, dude. 0.91

01:18:53.000 Are you guys trying to shotgun? 0.99

01:18:54.000 Yeah, we'll shotgun one. 0.97

01:18:55.000 Here, let me take the shotgun one and then I'll piss. 0.98

01:18:58.000 Go piss first. 0.91

01:18:59.000 You want a minute?

01:19:00.000 Yeah.

01:19:00.000 Gather yourself.

01:19:01.000 Prepare yourself.

01:19:03.000 Shotgun.

01:19:04.000 Shotgun wedding.

01:19:06.000 But anyway, so this was like as I lay down, and I don't know why it kicked in when I was sleeping, because I never noticed it at all when I was walking around.

01:19:14.000 That's when you feel it.

01:19:14.000 The itch is so bad.

01:19:16.000 My balls were, it was basically like a couple of inches above the taint. 0.95

01:19:21.000 It was ruthless. 0.99

01:19:22.000 It was just the skin.

01:19:23.000 You just kind of like squeeze it for a second.

01:19:24.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:19:25.000 I was pinching my, it was, I wanted to claw my balls off. 0.99

01:19:29.000 Yeah, same. 0.99

01:19:30.000 I thought it was always you gotta just shower again and get whatever it is off.

01:19:33.000 Put some lotion on or something.

01:19:34.000 No, that doesn't work.

01:19:35.000 I had been walking around all day.

01:19:37.000 We had Father's Day, Family Day, so we were hanging out in the pool, we were doing things outside, and then I shot arrows, and it was like 95 degrees out, and I kept the same underwear on, so it developed some funk down there.

01:19:48.000 You get the wet panties, it's over. 0.52

01:19:50.000 So I put the salve on it, and after a while it went away.

01:19:52.000 But Jesus Christ, I wanted to claw myself.

01:19:55.000 Oh, yeah.

01:19:56.000 I couldn't sleep.

01:19:56.000 And then, I guess because of that agitated state, I started having crazy thoughts.

01:20:03.000 And then I'm like, well, don't think that.

01:20:04.000 And then I tried to go to sleep.

01:20:06.000 Like what? 0.99

01:20:06.000 Oh, just wild apocalyptic shit about what would it take. 0.99

01:20:13.000 I was sitting in my bed going, what would it take for society to completely collapse? 0.99

01:20:18.000 And I was like, all it would take is the power going out.

01:20:20.000 Oh, yeah.

01:20:21.000 Like how many days?

01:20:22.000 For a year.

01:20:23.000 A year? 1.00

01:20:23.000 Yeah, we're fucked. 1.00

01:20:25.000 We're already in apocalypse. 1.00

01:20:26.000 I was at a blackout in New York once, and within about two days, you could hear glass shattering, looting, babies crying.

01:20:33.000 It's so quick.

01:20:35.000 The structure of society, the fabric goes down.

01:20:38.000 It's just primal.

01:20:38.000 It's just like, I gotta survive.

01:20:39.000 I gotta eat.

01:20:40.000 Especially because they happen all the time in the summer.

01:20:43.000 Yes!

01:20:43.000 The heat!

01:20:45.000 Everybody's already out late at night.

01:20:47.000 How quick did you go during COVID to be like, I gotta get something to protect my house.

01:20:51.000 They're gonna come door to door. 0.67

01:20:52.000 Gun sales went through the roof during COVID. Who, me?

01:20:56.000 Yeah, did you go to that place?

01:20:57.000 Dude, I live in that place.

01:20:59.000 I'm in that place every day. 1.00

01:21:02.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:21:04.000 As soon as they were like, we're shutting this city, that's hilarious. 1.00

01:21:06.000 I was the first guy to move out of LA. I was like, I'm done.

01:21:09.000 I was like, this is not sustainable.

01:21:11.000 I go, I know where this goes.

01:21:12.000 Look at Bill Burr.

01:21:13.000 Yeah.

01:21:13.000 If you just play it down the rabbit hole, immediately like, well, if they're out of food, they need food, oh, at some point they're just going to use force.

01:21:20.000 It's not even a food thing, man.

01:21:21.000 They're going to come to my door for groceries.

01:21:23.000 Lack of law.

01:21:24.000 It didn't get to food.

01:21:25.000 Food was available.

01:21:26.000 It was a lack of law.

01:21:27.000 Yes.

01:21:28.000 And people had, like, during the George Floyd protests, when people walked on the streets just smashing windows, going into people's houses, it was wild.

01:21:36.000 Wild.

01:21:37.000 What were you saying about Bill?

01:21:37.000 Well, he just got a helicopter license for that reason.

01:21:39.000 He's like, I'm up, I'm out.

01:21:41.000 That's all that is.

01:21:42.000 Right.

01:21:42.000 Take off.

01:21:43.000 You gotta understand that this whole thing is like fucking barely glued together with chewing gum. 0.99

01:21:49.000 I know. 0.98

01:21:49.000 So I was thinking about that last night. 0.98

01:21:51.000 Which is a problem.

01:21:52.000 Wow, yeah.

01:21:53.000 Because you can go to that place.

01:21:54.000 If one thing happens, it just goes down from there.

01:21:57.000 It was Father's Day, so I had a couple of margaritas. 0.94

01:22:01.000 And my balls itched. 0.96

01:22:03.000 And then I'm just laying there. 0.99

01:22:06.000 That's what's on me.

01:22:07.000 I take sleeping pills, man.

01:22:08.000 I can't sleep.

01:22:10.000 I'm embarrassed that I take sleeping pills.

01:22:12.000 Generally, I can jerk off, and then I can go to sleep. 0.62

01:22:14.000 But this time, I couldn't pull it off.

01:22:16.000 I jerked off, but I couldn't pull off going to sleep. 0.85

01:22:19.000 Caitlyn Jenner pulled it off. 0.84

01:22:20.000 Wah, wah, wah.

01:22:22.000 I think she had help.

01:22:25.000 It's funny, we turned on her. 0.66

01:22:27.000 Like, she was cool, and then they're like, ah, you're a Republican, so we hate you also.

01:22:31.000 Wild, right?

01:22:32.000 It was, yeah, she could do no wrong.

01:22:33.000 Yep.

01:22:34.000 Just for being her.

01:22:35.000 But that shows politics Trump's identity.

01:22:38.000 I was gonna tell you another conspiracy theory.

01:22:40.000 What were we talking about?

01:22:41.000 What were we talking about right before this?

01:22:43.000 I was gonna save it for when Shane came back.

01:22:45.000 A really recent one.

01:22:47.000 Balls itching.

01:22:48.000 Balls itching.

01:22:49.000 Shooting arrows.

01:22:50.000 Before that.

01:22:51.000 Queefs. 0.82

01:22:52.000 Nick Cannon.

01:22:53.000 Nick Cannon.

01:22:55.000 He's got a lot of kids.

01:22:56.000 He's got a lot of kids.

01:22:57.000 They tried to shut him down, dude.

01:22:59.000 He's too powerful. 0.97

01:23:00.000 Jew jokes. 0.96

01:23:01.000 Oh, this is what it is. 0.79

01:23:02.000 Yay! 0.99

01:23:03.000 We got it back!

01:23:03.000 This is what it is.

01:23:04.000 The terrorist attack you've never heard of.

01:23:06.000 A bunch of guys in 2013 broke into where this power plant is, I guess.

01:23:15.000 I'll pull it up.

01:23:16.000 Jamie knows it.

01:23:17.000 So it just came out where people...

01:23:18.000 I forget who brought it up to me, but then I started reading on it.

01:23:21.000 This is wild.

01:23:22.000 These guys had a tactical attack on these generators. 0.99

01:23:26.000 They came in and, with guns, took out like seven multi-million dollar generators and did it in a way where they knew what the fuck they were doing. 0.98

01:23:36.000 They all had masks. 0.98

01:23:37.000 Tactical gear.

01:23:38.000 Here it is.

01:23:39.000 April 16, 2013, a team of highly skilled gunmen opened fire on the Metcalf Power substation in San Jose, California.

01:23:46.000 In just under 10 minutes, they disabled 17 Transformers and caused $15 million in damage.

01:23:53.000 This is the most important terror attack you've never heard of.

01:23:56.000 What's the motive there?

01:23:58.000 What's their goal?

01:23:59.000 Nobody knows.

01:23:59.000 No one was ever arrested.

01:24:01.000 What?

01:24:02.000 Yes.

01:24:02.000 What was this?

01:24:03.000 I just found out about this like a week ago.

01:24:06.000 Whoa.

01:24:06.000 When is this thread?

01:24:07.000 When did this come out?

01:24:09.000 2013. The thread was June 6th.

01:24:12.000 Okay.

01:24:12.000 Snipers?

01:24:13.000 Two weeks ago, I found out.

01:24:14.000 I sent it to you.

01:24:16.000 Yeah.

01:24:16.000 You sent it to me?

01:24:17.000 Yep.

01:24:17.000 Okay.

01:24:18.000 Did someone talk about it on the podcast?

01:24:19.000 No, I was talking to you about it here before the show.

01:24:22.000 Oh, that's right.

01:24:22.000 That's right.

01:24:23.000 What?

01:24:24.000 Yo, Jamie's down, by the way.

01:24:26.000 This is wild.

01:24:26.000 Look at this.

01:24:27.000 Yo, Jamie's based.

01:24:28.000 So look at this.

01:24:29.000 1258 a.m.

01:24:30.000 Fiber optic lines were cut not far from U.S. Route 101 outside of San Jose.

01:24:35.000 The substation loses internet and phone service.

01:24:39.000 107 a.m.

01:24:57.000 What?

01:25:03.000 Fire away. 1.00

01:25:03.000 This is organized shit. 1.00

01:25:05.000 PG&E received an alarm. 1.00

01:25:06.000 Wait, go back to the video.

01:25:08.000 Let me see the video again.

01:25:08.000 Now that I know what it's talking about.

01:25:10.000 Good for them.

01:25:10.000 This is impressive.

01:25:11.000 So the flashlight's there, and then they open fire.

01:25:14.000 These are feds, bro.

01:25:15.000 Ah.

01:25:16.000 Yeah.

01:25:18.000 And then they just shoot at these Transformers.

01:25:20.000 What is the goal?

01:25:22.000 What is the motive?

01:25:23.000 They've got to have a reason to do this.

01:25:39.000 Is this why gas is so high?

01:25:41.000 No.

01:25:42.000 No, it's because of Russia. 1.00

01:25:43.000 It's the Putin price hike, you fucking communist. 1.00

01:25:45.000 Yeah, it's definitely Putin. 1.00

01:25:46.000 Putin price hike.

01:25:47.000 Obviously.

01:25:48.000 Remember they were trying that for a few days?

01:25:51.000 Biden said that with all capital letters.

01:25:53.000 The Putin price hike.

01:25:55.000 But they were saying it like it was, you know...

01:25:58.000 100%.

01:25:59.000 Officers arrived and found everything quiet, unable to get past the locked fence, and seeing nothing suspicious, they left.

01:26:06.000 Let's see this guy's account.

01:26:07.000 Who's woman did this? 1.00

01:26:09.000 Let's look into him.

01:26:12.000 The person, Will Miranda?

01:26:13.000 Let's see who this guy is.

01:26:17.000 You want to fact check now?

01:26:18.000 Let's see if he's a new account.

01:26:23.000 That's very smart, actually.

01:26:25.000 Look, only 30,000 followers.

01:26:26.000 New York City.

01:26:28.000 Since when?

01:26:30.000 September 2016. Four years ago, it was pretty late.

01:26:34.000 They could have had him in a dormant state, waiting to activate him.

01:26:39.000 I like Will.

01:26:40.000 It seems alright.

01:26:42.000 Let's go.

01:26:43.000 Is there other corroborations?

01:26:46.000 About the story?

01:26:47.000 I'm not good at shotgunning.

01:26:48.000 About the story.

01:26:48.000 We could look that up.

01:26:49.000 Some of these links are...

01:26:52.000 To us!

01:26:54.000 You gotta do them.

01:26:57.000 So how do you do this?

01:26:58.000 You stab the bottom and then you crack the top.

01:27:01.000 I don't know how to do it.

01:27:03.000 I just give it to somebody who grew up that way.

01:27:05.000 You put a hole.

01:27:06.000 Do you put a hole in the top?

01:27:07.000 Yeah.

01:27:08.000 Okay.

01:27:09.000 Here we go, folks.

01:27:11.000 Do the game.

01:27:12.000 That's a very nice knife. 0.99

01:27:14.000 Don't fuck it up. 0.99

01:27:17.000 Perfect squirter. 0.99

01:27:20.000 That knife's ruined.

01:27:22.000 Hey, you ruined my knife.

01:27:23.000 And that's it?

01:27:24.000 Don't we have a cheap knife?

01:27:25.000 Oh, you go like this?

01:27:25.000 Get a cheap knife.

01:27:26.000 Use this one, use this one.

01:27:27.000 Do you do this down?

01:27:28.000 I got one.

01:27:29.000 It can cut through ten, bro.

01:27:30.000 What did you say you drew what down?

01:27:32.000 Wait, what did you say you drew what down?

01:27:34.000 You said do this down?

01:27:36.000 Well, keep the...

01:27:37.000 Okay.

01:27:38.000 Oh, right, right, right.

01:27:39.000 So you can shotgun.

01:27:41.000 Okay.

01:27:41.000 So just do it.

01:27:42.000 So you punch to the top.

01:27:44.000 We did this before, right?

01:27:45.000 I know, but he didn't at all.

01:27:49.000 I know women feel. 1.00

01:27:51.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:27:52.000 Oh, nice.

01:27:54.000 Oh, jeez, man.

01:27:56.000 Wait, wait, wait.

01:27:57.000 Don't open it.

01:27:58.000 Did you open it?

01:27:59.000 By the way, you drink out of the hole.

01:28:01.000 Drink out of the hole.

01:28:02.000 Oh, you drink out of the hole.

01:28:02.000 Wait, you're too high.

01:28:04.000 You've got to get the bottom.

01:28:05.000 I'll figure it out.

01:28:06.000 Go, Mark.

01:28:07.000 Like here.

01:28:07.000 Mark.

01:28:08.000 Good, good, good.

01:28:08.000 Get it.

01:28:13.000 And then you crack it, and you finish it.

01:28:15.000 You drink it out of the hole.

01:28:16.000 Out of the hole.

01:28:17.000 One, two, three, go.

01:28:26.000 Oh, that sounded a little heavy.

01:28:29.000 Oh my god.

01:28:33.000 Jamie.

01:28:33.000 Just checking.

01:28:35.000 Fantastic.

01:28:35.000 How dare you?

01:28:37.000 How dare you?

01:28:38.000 Yeah, we're gonna need more beer, Jamie.

01:28:42.000 Jamie's got a shotgun one.

01:28:43.000 Can we get a camera on you?

01:28:45.000 Hey, before you do this, don't ruin all of our equipment. 1.00

01:28:50.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:28:51.000 It's for the troops, Jamie. 0.99

01:28:53.000 It squirts.

01:28:54.000 In the trash can.

01:28:55.000 Do it for the queen. 0.99

01:28:56.000 Do it for Al-Qaeda. 1.00

01:28:58.000 Jamie, do it on camera so we can see.

01:29:00.000 You want the tomahawk?

01:29:02.000 We're all looking.

01:29:03.000 No, at the buttons.

01:29:04.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:29:05.000 I don't know what camera I left it on.

01:29:06.000 Don't let Ari push buttons. 1.00

01:29:08.000 Damn, that'll wake you up. 0.99

01:29:08.000 Why don't you go figure out what camera is on? 0.99

01:29:10.000 The right one.

01:29:11.000 Can you see them?

01:29:12.000 Perfect, of course you need.

01:29:13.000 Okay, ready?

01:29:14.000 Go.

01:29:15.000 Yeah, J-Mo! 0.97

01:29:16.000 Pull it up! 0.91

01:29:18.000 That a baby! 0.91

01:29:19.000 Wow! 1.00

01:29:20.000 He sucked that shit! 1.00

01:29:21.000 I told you he was bass! 1.00

01:29:22.000 Woo! 1.00

01:29:23.000 Holy shit! 1.00

01:29:24.000 I told you he was bass! 1.00

01:29:25.000 Yo! 1.00

01:29:26.000 Eddie's jacked as fuck! 1.00

01:29:27.000 This podcast is over! 1.00

01:29:28.000 Jamie's in shape, bro!

01:29:29.000 We got a gym here!

01:29:31.000 Look at that!

01:29:32.000 Look at the guns, kid!

01:29:32.000 You look hot!

01:29:33.000 You're gonna fuck Red Band! 1.00

01:29:36.000 You're going to titty fuck Redman. 1.00

01:29:40.000 Tonight, kill Tony. 1.00

01:29:42.000 Tonight, that's going to be a rough one. 0.99

01:29:44.000 You're not doing it?

01:29:45.000 That's going to get ugly.

01:29:46.000 We're doing it.

01:29:47.000 I'm irresponsible, I'll probably do it.

01:29:48.000 Yeah!

01:29:48.000 It'll be a bad choice for all of us.

01:29:50.000 Yeah.

01:29:51.000 Oh, it fills you up.

01:29:53.000 That woke me up.

01:29:54.000 That's how fun.

01:29:55.000 Hey boys, boys.

01:29:56.000 It's like you want to barf and then you don't.

01:29:58.000 We're on the job.

01:30:01.000 Yeah!

01:30:01.000 This is our job.

01:30:02.000 Come on.

01:30:03.000 We need a beer bong next time.

01:30:04.000 Remember when you were a kid?

01:30:05.000 Remember when you were a kid? 0.99

01:30:06.000 And you're like, well, what kind of fucking job am I going to have? 0.99

01:30:08.000 Who would have guessed? 0.99

01:30:10.000 UPS driver was my future.

01:30:12.000 Yeah, can you get a peg in here? 1.00

01:30:13.000 Damn, you would have been nuts. 1.00

01:30:15.000 Packages! 1.00

01:30:16.000 Hey! 0.99

01:30:17.000 Imagine if someone told you.

01:30:19.000 No door in the car.

01:30:20.000 Imagine if someone told you. 0.99

01:30:21.000 If they're like, Shane, you've got to keep fucking up. 0.99

01:30:24.000 Whatever you do. 1.00

01:30:25.000 Keep fucking up. 1.00

01:30:26.000 I was kicked out of school, suspended, expelled, and who knew it would work out. 1.00

01:30:31.000 If they were like, Shane, listen, you... 1.00

01:30:33.000 Those guys at West Point, they're like, if you drop out of West Point now, you're going to be a fucking loser. 1.00

01:30:39.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:30:40.000 Nice work, idiots. 1.00

01:30:41.000 Do you know how much of a loser I felt not going to college right out of high school? 1.00

01:30:44.000 I was going to take a year off.

01:30:48.000 That's actually smart.

01:30:49.000 That was me.

01:30:49.000 Did you travel at least?

01:30:51.000 No!

01:30:52.000 Everybody take a year off.

01:30:53.000 Yeah.

01:30:54.000 You're getting banged up, bro. 1.00

01:30:56.000 You heard that 5G's, you greedy motherfucker. 1.00

01:30:59.000 What's the 5G's? 1.00

01:31:01.000 I told him I'd give him five grand if he drinks as many beers as much.

01:31:03.000 Legitimately, this is zero chance. 0.51

01:31:05.000 He's gonna die.

01:31:06.000 How many are you at? 0.94

01:31:07.000 It's a trap.

01:31:07.000 He'll die for money.

01:31:09.000 Wait, you're at seven?

01:31:09.000 Ari will die for money.

01:31:11.000 He's hiding drinks.

01:31:12.000 I'm impressed.

01:31:13.000 No, he's not hiding drinks, dude.

01:31:14.000 I'm telling you.

01:31:14.000 Let me tell you something about Ari.

01:31:16.000 You hear how heavy that beer was?

01:31:18.000 Eight's enough.

01:31:19.000 Then I finished it.

01:31:20.000 And then what did I do with that information?

01:31:21.000 Octomon.

01:31:22.000 It's not just the information.

01:31:22.000 Yo, for real, for the bet, we're going to...

01:31:24.000 Let me tell you something about Ari you probably don't know.

01:31:26.000 I'm not doing it.

01:31:26.000 Ari is secretly very competitive.

01:31:30.000 I'm not even trying.

01:31:30.000 Really?

01:31:31.000 No, no, [...

01:31:32.000 Ari is secretly very, very competitive.

01:31:35.000 False information.

01:31:36.000 I found that out when I played in pool, and I found that out when I did jiu-jitsu with him. 0.98

01:31:41.000 I gave Ari jiu-jitsu lessons for a year as a Hanukkah present, and he started going, and the first time I trained with him, I was like, this motherfucker takes this serious. 0.98

01:31:54.000 You know what I got? 0.99

01:31:55.000 Good rear naked choke defense. 0.99

01:31:57.000 Once somebody's already back, which they were every day, I was in there fucking sliding the arms. 0.97

01:32:01.000 No, I remember you swept me once. 0.93

01:32:02.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:32:03.000 I was in Ari's guard and Ari swept me.

01:32:06.000 I was like, whoa.

01:32:08.000 Yeah, Ari choked you out, dude? 1.00

01:32:09.000 No, he swept me. 1.00

01:32:10.000 No, I know, but Ari beat your ass. 1.00

01:32:12.000 I did beat your ass. 1.00

01:32:12.000 I already fucked you up. 1.00

01:32:13.000 Listen, he swept me. 1.00

01:32:15.000 He swept me.

01:32:16.000 It's a point. 1.00

01:32:17.000 This old Jew beat your ass? 1.00

01:32:19.000 No, we were, look, At the time, I think it was a brown belt, and R was a white belt. 1.00

01:32:24.000 And so I was explaining what to do and what not to do, and he fucking... 0.99

01:32:29.000 White beats brown. 1.00

01:32:30.000 He got into it, man.

01:32:32.000 He didn't beat me.

01:32:33.000 All right.

01:32:33.000 Let's be serious.

01:32:34.000 It's not what I heard.

01:32:35.000 Joe.

01:32:35.000 You can't...

01:32:35.000 No one...

01:32:36.000 Sometimes during drills, you'd fight back, and I'd be like, well, hey, let me try hard.

01:32:40.000 And you'd be like, good job.

01:32:41.000 You did it.

01:32:42.000 Yeah.

01:32:42.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:32:43.000 Admit that while you had it, Joe was like...

01:32:51.000 I was impressed.

01:32:53.000 No, I told him right away.

01:32:54.000 I was like, dude, you really got that.

01:32:56.000 I didn't give you that.

01:32:57.000 You got that one.

01:32:57.000 He caught me off guard.

01:32:59.000 He caught me off guard, but he's hyper competitive. 1.00

01:33:02.000 Yeah, he's a psycho. 0.98

01:33:02.000 When we did that Sober October thing... 0.98

01:33:04.000 Number two, no steroid juice.

01:33:05.000 Number one, real...

01:33:06.000 Rob McGaugh.

01:33:07.000 Steroid doesn't increase your will, though.

01:33:09.000 I don't know, man.

01:33:10.000 You want a competition with steroids. 0.89

01:33:12.000 I want it with will.

01:33:13.000 Okay.

01:33:14.000 It's all about how long you keep your heart at 140 beats a minute.

01:33:17.000 It's not a weightlifting competition.

01:33:19.000 If it was a weightlifting competition, I'd agree with you.

01:33:21.000 Yeah, baseball's not a weightlifting competition.

01:33:24.000 No, no, no, no.

01:33:25.000 Wait, what's the argument?

01:33:25.000 Because it's the power to hit a ball.

01:33:27.000 Whether he used steroids to beat me in an athletic competition.

01:33:30.000 What was the competition?

01:33:31.000 We did a Silver October challenge.

01:33:33.000 And you did steroids to not do alcohol?

01:33:35.000 No.

01:33:36.000 I did testosterone replacement therapy, which I do always.

01:33:39.000 Like Hitler. 0.91

01:33:40.000 I kept doing it.

01:33:40.000 Yeah, same, but not as much meth.

01:33:43.000 He's methed out on tests. 0.96

01:33:45.000 I'm fucking doing this sober trying to wake up in the morning with no coffee. 0.94

01:33:48.000 I knew when we started that Ari was going to be the biggest threat. 1.00

01:33:51.000 Really?

01:33:51.000 I was like, this is crazy.

01:33:52.000 I thought Burt's pretty athletic.

01:33:54.000 No, no, no, no.

01:33:54.000 Burt's talker.

01:33:55.000 Burt's a liar. 1.00

01:33:56.000 Burt talks. 1.00

01:33:57.000 Uh-oh.

01:33:57.000 We were just talking about that diet.

01:33:59.000 Burt is tough.

01:34:00.000 Burt is tough.

01:34:00.000 Oh, wait.

01:34:01.000 This is like, so we did a podcast, and this is when, look how ripped he was.

01:34:04.000 Look how ripped he was. 0.99

01:34:05.000 Look at his fucking abs. 1.00

01:34:06.000 He looks like a survivor. 1.00

01:34:07.000 Give me some volume.

01:34:09.000 Give me some volume.

01:34:09.000 He really does.

01:34:10.000 When the champs got out, they were ripped.

01:34:11.000 Oh, he's in the yellow! 1.00

01:34:13.000 That's right, bitch. 1.00

01:34:14.000 I'm telling you I've been burling the freedom across the Rhine River. 1.00

01:34:17.000 I'll tell you what.

01:34:18.000 I will never do this again.

01:34:20.000 I will never do this again, but I'm really glad we did this.

01:34:23.000 Yeah.

01:34:23.000 This is so hard.

01:34:24.000 Fucking. 0.98

01:34:25.000 Bert claimed that I was cheating, and then we're like, let's do a hike together and see how many points we got. 0.99

01:34:29.000 He got way more points from me for the same hike.

01:34:31.000 Because he's exhausted.

01:34:32.000 Exhausted.

01:34:33.000 Yeah.

01:34:33.000 You look ripped, man.

01:34:35.000 You're chiseled.

01:34:36.000 Listen, we did a podcast.

01:34:38.000 After the podcast, Ari rode for an hour. 0.99

01:34:41.000 For one fucking hour. 0.99

01:34:42.000 It's 190 weeks ago, dude. 0.99

01:34:44.000 It's been a while.

01:34:45.000 You've had to a rough 190 weeks.

01:34:49.000 Well, it's just he got into crazy shape, but he just didn't keep going.

01:34:53.000 That's got a million and a half views there, Ari. 1.00

01:34:55.000 You got abs, dude.

01:34:57.000 Yeah, dude, Ari was shredded. 1.00

01:34:58.000 But here's what happened. 0.99

01:35:00.000 I still paid my fucking gym account for four years before I realized. 0.98

01:35:04.000 I was like, I haven't been back there once. 0.98

01:35:07.000 Here's what happened with Ari. 1.00

01:35:08.000 Ari realized that you can watch a movie while you're doing it, and it's way easier.

01:35:13.000 So he went to the gym and watched a movie and racked up these big numbers.

01:35:17.000 This is the beginning of the month where we're trying to figure it out.

01:35:20.000 24-hour gym. 1.00

01:35:21.000 I was like, this motherfucker. 1.00

01:35:22.000 These idiots would go to sleep thinking of their head. 1.00

01:35:24.000 You should have seen him today. 1.00

01:35:25.000 You wouldn't do the fucking hotel workout. 1.00

01:35:28.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:35:29.000 You've got to make a contest out of it. 1.00

01:35:33.000 You make a contest out of it, he's a psycho. 0.97

01:35:35.000 He's just not disciplined. 0.99

01:35:36.000 Look at this!

01:35:37.000 Yes!

01:35:38.000 You're right, the contest! 1.00

01:35:40.000 I'm telling you, he's a fucking psycho. 1.00

01:35:42.000 He was the big threat. 1.00

01:35:43.000 Good for you, man.

01:35:44.000 And then Tom got the flu.

01:35:46.000 So Tom was a big threat too, because Tom's got a strong mind.

01:35:48.000 Bert was never really gonna win.

01:35:50.000 I watched every one of your specials on a gym, beating you. 0.99

01:35:53.000 Except for the StereoJewsers. 0.95

01:35:55.000 Beating you. 0.98

01:35:56.000 In that thing.

01:35:57.000 I watched your specials, just running, watching them.

01:36:00.000 Segura's, Kreischer's, yours?

01:36:02.000 Run.

01:36:03.000 Run.

01:36:03.000 Win.

01:36:04.000 Win.

01:36:05.000 But you lost.

01:36:06.000 Yeah.

01:36:07.000 He blames the steroids.

01:36:09.000 That's my only chance.

01:36:11.000 It's a willpower thing.

01:36:12.000 It's a willpower thing.

01:36:13.000 It's like, how much time are you willing to stay on the thing? 1.00

01:36:16.000 And I said, I'll kill you all. 1.00

01:36:18.000 I said, I'm going to kill you all. 1.00

01:36:19.000 You're the biggest psycho. 1.00

01:36:20.000 But you had a problem. 1.00

01:36:21.000 I want to see where we can go.

01:36:23.000 I did seven hours on an elliptical machine. 0.99

01:36:26.000 No, shut up. 1.00

01:36:27.000 Yes, I did. 1.00

01:36:27.000 Seven hours? 1.00

01:36:28.000 Seven hours.

01:36:29.000 What about your kids?

01:36:30.000 I did it too.

01:36:30.000 What about his kids?

01:36:31.000 You got to hug your kids?

01:36:32.000 Do that!

01:36:33.000 You got to be a bad parent.

01:36:33.000 What about eight hours?

01:36:34.000 Nine to five.

01:36:35.000 I got up early in the morning.

01:36:36.000 Yeah, I did.

01:36:37.000 That's crazy!

01:36:37.000 I got up early in the morning and I did.

01:36:39.000 No, I did.

01:36:40.000 I did.

01:36:40.000 I watched John Wick a hundred times in a row.

01:36:43.000 By the way, I just re-watched it.

01:36:45.000 It doesn't hold up.

01:36:46.000 I set off the fire alarm in my gym from my sweat.

01:36:50.000 Sweating, that's right. 1.00

01:36:51.000 Shut up. 1.00

01:36:52.000 What does that mean? 0.99

01:36:52.000 We have a video of it. 0.99

01:36:53.000 How do you set off an alarm?

01:36:54.000 Find the video.

01:36:55.000 It was a bedroom that I converted into a gym, and I sweat so hard that I set off the fire alarm.

01:37:02.000 No, I'm not joking.

01:37:04.000 Look at the steam on the wall. 1.00

01:37:05.000 Holy shit, dude. 0.99

01:37:06.000 Look at the puddle on the floor. 1.00

01:37:07.000 It's like Auschwitz. 0.62

01:37:10.000 Auschwitz?

01:37:11.000 Look at this.

01:37:13.000 Good to have you back, Ari.

01:37:15.000 I hope that's in your special.

01:37:18.000 This is the first.

01:37:19.000 I set off the fire alarm with steam for a while.

01:37:22.000 It's real.

01:37:23.000 I set off a fire alarm.

01:37:24.000 I did that once with a queef. 1.00

01:37:26.000 So this was the...

01:37:27.000 We got into a heated battle at one point in time.

01:37:30.000 It was getting crazy where guys are putting up these big numbers, working out three, four hours a day. 0.98

01:37:35.000 And so I said, let's fucking go to deep water. 1.00

01:37:38.000 Damn. 1.00

01:37:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:39.000 He went hunting. 1.00

01:37:40.000 He got like 80,000 points in a fucking afternoon. 1.00

01:37:43.000 He was running all day. 1.00

01:37:44.000 You don't realize how hard it is.

01:37:46.000 Hunting when you're in the mountains is so hard on your cardio. 0.99

01:37:50.000 That's why the best guys like Cam Haynes, he's a fucking ultra endurance athlete. 0.85

01:37:54.000 That's why he's one of many reasons why he's the best at it. 0.94

01:37:57.000 Because he doesn't get tired.

01:37:59.000 You get so fucking tired when you're hiking in the mountains, and you have a backpack on, most of those guys do. 0.94

01:38:05.000 Elevation. 0.99

01:38:05.000 Yeah, and you're carrying a bow, and you're fucking going up these hills and trying to chase a four-legged animal that's running away from mountain lions. 0.99

01:38:12.000 So I was killing them with that. 0.99

01:38:14.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:38:14.000 But I was already ahead. 0.97

01:38:16.000 I was already dragging you guys into deep water.

01:38:18.000 Nope.

01:38:19.000 That's what got you ahead.

01:38:20.000 Eh.

01:38:21.000 Yep.

01:38:21.000 Yeah, I mean, it's not like it was the hardest group to drag into deep water.

01:38:25.000 I don't think so.

01:38:25.000 I don't think I was ever behind.

01:38:27.000 It's crazy. 0.98

01:38:28.000 It was kind of like the Skank Selection, where once Burt and Tom realized, like, oh, fuck, we're not gonna even come close. 0.98

01:38:34.000 And they were just both wanting to not be last. 1.00

01:38:36.000 I knew it was gonna be you, you fuck. 1.00

01:38:37.000 So who won? 1.00

01:38:38.000 I won.

01:38:39.000 Jesus Christ.

01:38:40.000 But I knew it was going to be.

01:38:41.000 I was stealing.

01:38:42.000 I was cheating.

01:38:44.000 But you wouldn't quit weed.

01:38:45.000 Remember that?

01:38:46.000 That was a big issue.

01:38:47.000 Oh, no, that was so Rob Tober.

01:38:48.000 Oh, sorry.

01:38:49.000 We talked him into it.

01:38:49.000 He was like, no, no, we're not throwing weed.

01:38:50.000 And we all started shitting on him. 1.00

01:38:51.000 He was like, oh, pussy, he's got a real problem. 1.00

01:38:55.000 Pray for Joe. 1.00

01:38:56.000 Pray for Joe is a big thing.

01:38:58.000 Don't get me started on the Bluetooth.

01:39:00.000 He can't get it up.

01:39:01.000 It got to a point where I was like, there's got to be a reason why I enjoy all this stuff.

01:39:07.000 Let's see what it's like.

01:39:09.000 Let's see what it's like to not for a month.

01:39:11.000 It's fun to push it, man.

01:39:12.000 Good for you guys.

01:39:13.000 I like your chin strap.

01:39:15.000 I'm trying.

01:39:16.000 Yeah, why are you doing that?

01:39:16.000 This is what you do with the mask.

01:39:19.000 You believe the science.

01:39:21.000 Yes, yes.

01:39:22.000 You believe the science.

01:39:23.000 I do.

01:39:23.000 Push-ups right now.

01:39:25.000 By the way, I think...

01:39:26.000 Fat people are beautiful.

01:39:27.000 I forgot. 0.98

01:39:27.000 I came on here to disapprove you, dude. 0.98

01:39:30.000 About what? 1.00

01:39:30.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

01:39:31.000 Oh, thank God. 1.00

01:39:32.000 The boosters.

01:39:33.000 The what?

01:39:33.000 You got the boosters?

01:39:34.000 Boosters.

01:39:34.000 Booze 2s?

01:39:35.000 Hell yeah, I got the boosters.

01:39:36.000 I got a bunch of them.

01:39:37.000 Boosters.

01:39:38.000 And now I'm doing pretty good.

01:39:40.000 You've lost weight.

01:39:41.000 You look good.

01:39:41.000 We have to remember before we go...

01:39:43.000 I got boosters.

01:39:44.000 I'm glad you do.

01:39:45.000 Before we...

01:39:45.000 We gotta do the Hitler and Mussolini videos.

01:39:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:48.000 We forgot those.

01:39:49.000 Oh, they're the best.

01:39:49.000 When you started talking, I thought history.

01:39:53.000 You gotta see Mussolini, dude. 1.00

01:39:54.000 You talk shit. 1.00

01:39:55.000 So what are you saying about boosters? 1.00

01:39:57.000 Oh, they're the best.

01:39:58.000 You like them?

01:39:59.000 Could you imagine?

01:39:59.000 I've gotten several.

01:40:00.000 How many have you got?

01:40:02.000 How many did you get?

01:40:03.000 Three.

01:40:03.000 You got three boosters?

01:40:05.000 Is there even allowed?

01:40:07.000 Is it like caviar, like it's an acquired taste?

01:40:09.000 It is, but once you get, yeah.

01:40:11.000 For real.

01:40:12.000 Once me and all my bros that get boosters hang out, we're all like...

01:40:15.000 Dude, this is so sick.

01:40:17.000 You're in sync.

01:40:18.000 We're never going to get the common cold again.

01:40:22.000 Oh, how dare you.

01:40:24.000 Wouldn't it be great to have a Mussolini-Hitler podcast? 0.98

01:40:27.000 That's what's a bummer about those old times.

01:40:29.000 They didn't have any footage. 1.00

01:40:30.000 No footage of that shit. 0.99

01:40:32.000 Well, here's what's weird. 1.00

01:40:32.000 Obama had a podcast. 1.00

01:40:33.000 And it tanked!

01:40:34.000 It didn't do well.

01:40:35.000 It was called Renegades. 1.00

01:40:36.000 It was him and fucking, uh... 0.99

01:40:38.000 Springsteen. 0.99

01:40:38.000 Bruce Springsteen. 0.99

01:40:39.000 Bruce Springsteen. 1.00

01:40:39.000 What the fuck is this? 1.00

01:40:41.000 That's him trying to get his. 0.99

01:40:42.000 He was like, this guy was cool.

01:40:43.000 Let's do a podcast together.

01:40:44.000 It was a fake factory worker and a president being like, we're renegades. 0.99

01:40:48.000 It's like, dude, shut up. 1.00

01:40:49.000 Half-white. 1.00

01:40:49.000 Listen, you gotta give it up. 1.00

01:40:51.000 You gotta give it up for some of Bruce Springsteen's music.

01:40:54.000 Oh, he's a killer!

01:40:55.000 Of course, of course, of course. 1.00

01:40:56.000 Born to run.

01:40:58.000 24 years old!

01:40:59.000 Come on, man. 0.70

01:41:00.000 He was an animal. 0.98

01:41:01.000 Of course he went crazy. 0.99

01:41:02.000 And not a Jew, by the way. 1.00

01:41:04.000 By the way, no fucking... 1.00

01:41:05.000 Why would you even read? 1.00

01:41:06.000 Well, Springsteen.

01:41:07.000 Oh, okay.

01:41:07.000 Well, the Jews have gotten a lot of props.

01:41:09.000 I.E.N., but okay.

01:41:10.000 Deservedly so on this podcast.

01:41:12.000 Yes.

01:41:13.000 We've given the Jews a lot of props. 0.90

01:41:14.000 Love the heat.

01:41:14.000 Yeah.

01:41:15.000 Good tribe.

01:41:16.000 Go with QAnon.

01:41:17.000 Hey.

01:41:18.000 Pretty good.

01:41:19.000 Dude, I've been done.

01:41:21.000 You're doing great.

01:41:23.000 What do you got, Aiden?

01:41:24.000 You got Aiden?

01:41:24.000 I was ready to quit at four.

01:41:26.000 I was like, oh, no, dude.

01:41:27.000 You're doing great.

01:41:28.000 I'm impressed.

01:41:30.000 It's scary.

01:41:31.000 Your eyes won't open.

01:41:32.000 We'll have a good time in life.

01:41:32.000 It's scary when you get to a point when you're like, I don't know if I can keep going.

01:41:36.000 Your eyes are shut.

01:41:37.000 We're getting old, man.

01:41:38.000 It's scary.

01:41:38.000 The hangovers.

01:41:39.000 They get rough.

01:41:40.000 Well, it's just like it's accumulated damage.

01:41:43.000 It's like getting punched in the face with little jabs every night.

01:41:46.000 Yeah.

01:41:47.000 Just not that bad.

01:41:49.000 Just to get thumped.

01:41:50.000 A little thump.

01:41:50.000 And just think how many years we've done it.

01:41:52.000 Over years and years.

01:41:54.000 After a while you get a little chinny. 1.00

01:41:55.000 You're like, fuck, it's hard to come back. 1.00

01:41:56.000 You get knocked out quick. 1.00

01:41:57.000 You get a three-bud light shark. 0.99

01:41:59.000 You know what's weird when you have a friend that's like a heavy boozer and you see one drink in and they're already fucked? 0.99

01:42:05.000 You're like, goddammit. 1.00

01:42:06.000 Bro, your liver is dog shit. 1.00

01:42:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:10.000 It's a very resilient organ.

01:42:11.000 I can't break down anything.

01:42:12.000 It's like a foreign substance.

01:42:13.000 Your liver is so tired.

01:42:16.000 I had Segura on my pot.

01:42:17.000 He gets a trainer every day.

01:42:19.000 He doesn't drink at all.

01:42:21.000 He's an animal. 0.80

01:42:22.000 I'm so impressed.

01:42:22.000 He looks so good.

01:42:23.000 He looks great.

01:42:24.000 He looks so good.

01:42:25.000 But is he having fun?

01:42:26.000 But is stand-up fun?

01:42:27.000 He's having fun.

01:42:28.000 Sober.

01:42:28.000 Yeah.

01:42:29.000 It is just fun.

01:42:30.000 Yeah, it's so fun.

01:42:31.000 Stand-up is just fun.

01:42:32.000 There's an old earthquake quote where they're like interviewing with some podcast in some interview and they're like, do you ever drink on stage?

01:42:38.000 He goes, well, stand-up comedy is one of the few professions that allow imbibing while you're performing.

01:42:46.000 Yeah.

01:42:46.000 And they're like, do you do that?

01:42:47.000 He goes, and I like to, yeah, avail myself of that opportunity.

01:42:52.000 And they're like, does it ever fuck up with stand-up?

01:42:53.000 He goes, absolutely.

01:42:55.000 Yeah.

01:42:57.000 It ruins weekends. 0.98

01:43:00.000 He's fucking hilarious. 0.99

01:43:01.000 So funny. 0.98

01:43:02.000 I was so happy to have him on the podcast because we've talked about him so many times and he's like the best comic that doesn't get what he deserves.

01:43:10.000 Killer.

01:43:10.000 In terms of like when he's murdering, he doesn't get the respect he deserves.

01:43:15.000 Destruction.

01:43:15.000 I think more people get it now that he has that Netflix special that just came out.

01:43:20.000 It was a Netflix, right?

01:43:21.000 Yeah.

01:43:21.000 It was like a half-hour special.

01:43:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:23.000 It was a Dave Chappelle Presents thing, right?

01:43:25.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:43:26.000 Dude, he's a monster. 0.98

01:43:27.000 But he had a monster. 0.99

01:43:29.000 That's him.

01:43:29.000 That's him on stage right now.

01:43:30.000 Oh, that's Moose.

01:43:31.000 What were you going to say, Shane?

01:43:33.000 Jamie with the terrible segues here.

01:43:34.000 Yeah, he was Moose.

01:43:36.000 The Tower 7 did go down because of that.

01:43:39.000 Who's the comic you had on?

01:43:40.000 You were talking about doing nothing.

01:43:41.000 I think it was Earthquake.

01:43:43.000 Doing nothing?

01:43:44.000 Yeah, you were talking about if I don't do anything all day, I'll feel terrible.

01:43:48.000 Oh yeah, probably.

01:43:49.000 And he was like, no, that's just nice.

01:43:54.000 As soon as he said it, I was like, yo, hell yeah, bro.

01:43:56.000 He's awesome.

01:43:59.000 We're both right.

01:44:01.000 We're absolutely both right.

01:44:03.000 He said Eddie Murphy should have won an Oscar because he played eight characters in The Clumps.

01:44:08.000 That's a good point.

01:44:09.000 Because no matter how, even if he thought his acting was mediocre, he was like, it's still not eight times worse than this.

01:44:17.000 Bro, do you ever see how good Eddie Murphy is still at stand-up?

01:44:21.000 No.

01:44:21.000 Do you ever see that speech that he gave?

01:44:23.000 What speech?

01:44:23.000 Let me tell you something right now.

01:44:25.000 If Eddie Murphy decided to just do stand-up.

01:44:29.000 Disagree.

01:44:30.000 Disagree.

01:44:30.000 He would be at the top of the heap.

01:44:32.000 Disagree! 1.00

01:44:33.000 You're crazy! 1.00

01:44:34.000 I'll tell you why. 0.99

01:44:36.000 He's all out of shape.

01:44:38.000 No way.

01:44:38.000 I want to show you something.

01:44:40.000 You have to do reps.

01:44:41.000 You have to bomb.

01:44:41.000 He's not willing to bomb.

01:44:42.000 I love you all.

01:44:43.000 I love you all.

01:44:44.000 I value your opinion.

01:44:45.000 I think you're 100% correct.

01:44:49.000 Here's my perspective.

01:44:50.000 If he was doing reps, he'd be even better.

01:44:52.000 Of course.

01:44:53.000 You have to do reps.

01:44:55.000 He's disrespectful.

01:44:56.000 You're absolutely correct. 0.98

01:44:58.000 But I'm saying, the level he's at without doing reps is so high that if he decided to do stand-up again, if you watch him give his speech, he gives a speech, he does a Bill Cosby impression, it's fucking magic, dude. 0.97

01:45:10.000 Okay. 0.92

01:45:11.000 His timing is sensational.

01:45:13.000 He's gifted.

01:45:14.000 He's gifted.

01:45:15.000 Nobody says he's not gifted.

01:45:15.000 I want you to be open-minded.

01:45:16.000 Nobody says he's not gifted.

01:45:17.000 No, no, no, no.

01:45:18.000 I'm open-minded, but you've got to practice.

01:45:20.000 Okay, let's hear it. 1.00

01:45:20.000 No, listen, you fucks. 1.00

01:45:22.000 Of course you have to practice. 1.00

01:45:24.000 Those two, not me, Joe.

01:45:26.000 Joe, I'm on your side, dude.

01:45:27.000 Let me tell you something.

01:45:28.000 Before we go further, Roseanne Barr went on stage after I don't know how many years at our show at the Vulcan like three weeks ago. 0.98

01:45:36.000 Really? 0.99

01:45:36.000 She fucking crushed. 0.99

01:45:38.000 No way. 0.99

01:45:38.000 She hasn't been on stage in years. 0.99

01:45:41.000 The nut lady? 1.00

01:45:42.000 She didn't know she was going to go up until ten minutes before she went up.

01:45:47.000 Stan Hope and Ron White talked her into doing stand-up.

01:45:50.000 That's awesome. 0.97

01:45:50.000 And she goes on stage and the audience goes fucking insane. 0.97

01:45:54.000 And she kills. 1.00

01:45:55.000 No way. 1.00

01:45:56.000 She kills. 0.99

01:45:57.000 She's self-deprecating. 1.00

01:45:58.000 She's talking about how crazy she is. 0.99

01:46:00.000 She's so loose. 0.98

01:46:02.000 Her timing is on.

01:46:03.000 And she hasn't done stand-up in years.

01:46:05.000 It does click in.

01:46:06.000 But here's what I'm saying.

01:46:07.000 As good as she is right then and there, she was an all-time great.

01:46:13.000 We forget.

01:46:14.000 Domestic goddess, yeah. 1.00

01:46:15.000 Roseanne's an all-time great.

01:46:17.000 So when you see her there, if she was doing regular reps, she'd be way better.

01:46:21.000 That's how good Eddie Murphy is.

01:46:22.000 Eddie Murphy is so good that if you see him in this speech, no reps at all. 0.99

01:46:28.000 But doing acting and, of course, hanging around with funny people and talking shit. 0.91

01:46:32.000 Yeah, but still different than being on stage. 0.94

01:46:33.000 Watch this.

01:46:36.000 It's 100% different than being on stage.

01:46:38.000 By the way, this is the worst environment ever for stand-up.

01:46:41.000 We agree?

01:46:41.000 You got that right.

01:46:42.000 This is the worst environment.

01:46:43.000 Weird crowd, though.

01:46:44.000 Weird crowd.

01:46:45.000 They're all into him.

01:46:46.000 And they love him already.

01:46:47.000 Yeah, they love him already.

01:46:49.000 But let's see.

01:46:50.000 We'll see.

01:46:51.000 We'll give a fair...

01:46:51.000 I mean, we're all agreeance.

01:46:53.000 He's a master.

01:46:54.000 I'd like to see him.

01:46:55.000 Okay, don't be a hater. 0.98

01:46:57.000 He's a beast.

01:46:58.000 I mean, he's one of the greats. 0.65

01:47:01.000 This is a tremendous honor.

01:47:02.000 Wonderful evening.

01:47:04.000 I'd like to thank the Kennedy Center, first of all, for celebrating me and honoring me in such a wonderful way and bringing my loved ones and my family here.

01:47:12.000 This is a super special, memorable night.

01:47:15.000 And thank you to all the comedians that came out and sang.

01:47:19.000 I mean, Sam Moore came out and sang, and Alabama Shakes was here.

01:47:23.000 We had a really, really, really special, special night.

01:47:29.000 It hasn't been lost on me that, you know, usually when people have evenings like this, a person is really, really old when they get these awards.

01:47:38.000 They'll let you wait.

01:47:39.000 Really, like, one of the greatest, funniest people of all time was George Carlin, and he received this award posthumously.

01:47:49.000 And he's funnier than all of us.

01:47:51.000 So to be standing here alive and looking like myself still...

01:47:59.000 They'll let you get really old.

01:48:06.000 And there was also some confusion about whether or not it was an award or a prize.

01:48:11.000 And actually, it's an award.

01:48:14.000 Even though they call it a prize, it's an award.

01:48:16.000 Because usually when there's a prize, there's money involved.

01:48:23.000 Killing.

01:48:23.000 Was that written?

01:48:25.000 Nah, it's all written.

01:48:27.000 No, no, it gets bad.

01:48:29.000 It gets way better.

01:48:29.000 Mark Twain award.

01:48:30.000 Kennedy said, that sounds like paper.

01:48:32.000 He's receiving an award.

01:48:33.000 Then they told me yesterday they raised 2.3 million.

01:48:36.000 I was like, yo, I'm in there.

01:48:40.000 Then I came down and they told me that, oh, there is no, it's a prize, but there is no money.

01:48:46.000 And I was like, oh.

01:48:51.000 So I think to clear up the confusion for future recipients, maybe you don't want to call it the Mark Twain Prize.

01:48:59.000 If you don't want to call it the award, maybe you could call it the Mark Twain Surprise.

01:49:07.000 Wordplay. 0.99

01:49:08.000 Crap. 1.00

01:49:09.000 Crap. 1.00

01:49:10.000 Now switch to Dave Chappelle's and watch a real comic. 0.99

01:49:13.000 He's still on.

01:49:13.000 He does his Bill Cosby thing.

01:49:15.000 Play Mussolini. 1.00

01:49:17.000 He's a killer. 1.00

01:49:18.000 That motherfucker kills. 1.00

01:49:20.000 But that still doesn't diminish how wonderful this is. 1.00

01:49:23.000 It's a wonderful, wonderful thing to be included.

01:49:25.000 At this point, I'm rooting for him.

01:49:27.000 I'm rooting for my memory to be correct.

01:49:29.000 It's wrong.

01:49:30.000 I think that was all off the cuff, which is still pretty good.

01:49:32.000 Paul Reiner.

01:49:35.000 Lily Tomlin.

01:49:37.000 Who else got this?

01:49:38.000 Bill.

01:49:38.000 Oh, Bill has one of these.

01:49:43.000 Did y'all make Bill give his back?

01:49:45.000 Ha, ha, ha, ha.

01:49:47.000 No, because I know there was a big outcry from people.

01:49:49.000 They was trying to get Billy to give his trophies back.

01:49:52.000 You know you up when they want you to give your trophies back.

01:49:56.000 Now he's being himself.

01:49:58.000 Yeah.

01:50:01.000 He should do one show where he just come out and just talk crazy now.

01:50:08.000 I would like to talk to some of the people who feel that I should give back my babies!

01:50:24.000 They bleeped out the bad words because you can't handle them.

01:50:29.000 Just because you may have heard recently that I allegedly put the pill in the people's chocolate!

01:50:43.000 I wish someone would come up to my house talking about, give up the trophy because you put the pill in the people's chocolate, you get...

01:50:49.000 No!

01:50:50.000 But I'm not giving back.

01:50:54.000 I wish this was uncensored.

01:50:55.000 Yeah.

01:50:56.000 And who is Hannibal Barriss?

01:51:07.000 Hannibal Barriss!

01:51:12.000 First of all, Hannibal is a caveman's name.

01:51:19.000 And you gonna just come on out and push over an apple cart to Hannibal? 1.00

01:51:23.000 If I ever see or meet this Hannibal Barrison person, I am going to try to kill this nigger! 1.00

01:51:33.000 Why didn't they beat that out? 1.00

01:51:36.000 How did they beat that out?

01:51:38.000 That's the only thing that's not beeped? 0.98

01:51:41.000 Well, he's black. 0.96

01:51:42.000 PBS. I think they felt like they didn't have the right.

01:51:46.000 I bet they felt like we don't have the right to disclose that.

01:51:50.000 I bet they did.

01:51:51.000 For real, it's PBS. Don't let the Kramer.

01:51:53.000 So, like, think about it.

01:51:54.000 The guy's not done any stand-up.

01:51:56.000 Alright, it was fine.

01:51:58.000 Nobody's like, that's amazing.

01:51:59.000 Nah.

01:52:00.000 Terrible environment. 1.00

01:52:01.000 Are you always an asshole? 1.00

01:52:03.000 I'm just saying. 1.00

01:52:04.000 Standing O. Of course, they're sick of fans.

01:52:07.000 Standing O, he's getting a fucking lifetime achievement award. 0.99

01:52:10.000 Go actually try it and do it for a while. 1.00

01:52:12.000 No fucking way. 0.99

01:52:13.000 Mark, you know you're on my side. 1.00

01:52:15.000 I'm on your side, too.

01:52:16.000 This is where you're wrong.

01:52:17.000 I'm on your side, too.

01:52:18.000 I know what you're saying.

01:52:20.000 But I'm saying that he's so talented, that's how good he is without doing it.

01:52:24.000 If he started doing it again, he would be a killer.

01:52:27.000 Everybody, like, for a lot of guys who hadn't done it in a long time, why are you so angry?

01:52:32.000 Because he, whatever.

01:52:33.000 Everyone talks about it.

01:52:34.000 He's like, oh, he's going to be amazing.

01:52:35.000 Well, do it then.

01:52:36.000 Didn't he sign a deal with Netflix?

01:52:37.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:52:39.000 That fell through.

01:52:40.000 He doesn't need it.

01:52:42.000 You've got to need it a little bit.

01:52:43.000 I think he probably might need it.

01:52:45.000 Maybe he knows.

01:52:45.000 You've got to go on stage every day for a year.

01:52:47.000 He's got a lot of residuals coming in.

01:52:50.000 He's fine.

01:52:52.000 Where would you go?

01:52:54.000 What do you do?

01:52:54.000 You go right to the clubs?

01:52:55.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:52:56.000 People are going to come to see you.

01:52:57.000 Where are you going to go?

01:52:57.000 You've got to play Iceland for a while.

01:52:59.000 You've got to drop in.

01:53:00.000 You've got to label it workout.

01:53:02.000 But every night for a long time.

01:53:04.000 Don't you think you've got to drop in?

01:53:06.000 Yeah, you've got to drop in.

01:53:07.000 He could never drop in, though.

01:53:09.000 But at least some level of like...

01:53:11.000 He could do it.

01:53:12.000 Some kids would be like, I kind of know who you're talking about.

01:53:14.000 Every single person.

01:53:16.000 They'd start tweeting when he's there.

01:53:18.000 Yeah, they'd tweet, but once he's there, if he's only going to do five, ten minutes, he can get away with a drop-in.

01:53:22.000 He'd do a real drop-in.

01:53:23.000 There might be a good move to do that.

01:53:25.000 Yeah.

01:53:26.000 Or, you know, go up on someone's show where it's introduced like you haven't done stand-up in forever, and you just go up there.

01:53:32.000 No, just go up all the time.

01:53:34.000 You can do the best you can do.

01:53:36.000 He's just famous.

01:53:37.000 He can't get an honest reaction, but he can get as close as he can get.

01:53:39.000 That's the hard part of him dropping in, because the first 5 to 10 are going to be forgiven.

01:53:43.000 But some 19-year-olds, I kind of know him.

01:53:46.000 You know what's weird?

01:53:47.000 When that happens, when someone's like a TV star, in the first 30 seconds, the audience is going nuts.

01:53:53.000 And then the material starts coming out.

01:53:54.000 Exactly.

01:53:55.000 And then it gets this weird place, like 30 seconds in, where you're like, oh no.

01:54:01.000 Great Colin Quinn joke.

01:54:03.000 Because also, they just saw three real, right now comics.

01:54:05.000 Yeah.

01:54:06.000 And then it's like...

01:54:07.000 Well, that's the beauty of stand-up.

01:54:08.000 You get five minutes of grace.

01:54:10.000 Oh, it's Jack Nicholson.

01:54:11.000 This is the Colin Quinn thing.

01:54:12.000 Jack Nicholson.

01:54:13.000 Oh, we love him.

01:54:14.000 He's beloved.

01:54:14.000 He's an American icon.

01:54:16.000 And then five minutes in, you're like, we're bored as shit. 0.99

01:54:18.000 Yeah, like, oh, yeah, Greg Burns is way better than this. 0.99

01:54:21.000 Like, this was not close.

01:54:23.000 Isn't that weird? 1.00

01:54:24.000 Like, comedy's a fucking strange bitch. 1.00

01:54:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:27.000 Such a weird art form. 1.00

01:54:29.000 Because it seems like we're just talking.

01:54:31.000 Yeah.

01:54:31.000 But it's chosen words, it's cadence, it's rhythm, it's so much put into it.

01:54:36.000 Cadence Owens!

01:54:41.000 Nicely done.

01:54:43.000 Oh my god, it's amazing.

01:54:44.000 It's so fun. 0.99

01:54:46.000 Jamie, where the fuck are the Bud Lights, dude? 0.99

01:54:49.000 Jesus, Jamie. 0.99

01:54:49.000 I didn't know you were out, but they're coming. 0.99

01:54:50.000 This should be in a second.

01:54:51.000 We're out.

01:54:52.000 We're way out. 1.00

01:54:52.000 Some of your fucking paid killers to go get some Bud Lights. 1.00

01:54:55.000 I'll double check. 1.00

01:54:56.000 I'll check.

01:54:57.000 Are you some drizzly?

01:54:58.000 I'm so high, I'm fascinated with the fact I can change the alien's light colors.

01:55:02.000 Oh, jeez.

01:55:03.000 You're that guy now?

01:55:04.000 He was always a toy guy.

01:55:07.000 Is that bad?

01:55:08.000 Is it bad to be that guy?

01:55:09.000 No, it's not bad.

01:55:09.000 What is that guy, the lights or the alien?

01:55:12.000 The alien.

01:55:13.000 Oh, man.

01:55:13.000 They're real.

01:55:14.000 Yeah, of course they're real.

01:55:16.000 They're real.

01:55:16.000 Illegals.

01:55:20.000 That's us in the future.

01:55:21.000 That's what that is.

01:55:22.000 Aliens?

01:55:23.000 Yeah, that's what we're going to look like. 1.00

01:55:24.000 Well, do you think they know about us and they're just like, these guys are idiots, or they're waiting? 1.00

01:55:29.000 I think if they're real, they know about us. 1.00

01:55:31.000 It depends on how long they've been around.

01:55:33.000 If you type infinite universes, some species is smart enough to get here.

01:55:38.000 And then they're leaving us alone.

01:55:40.000 There's so many possibilities out there.

01:55:42.000 But then you would think somebody would have invaded.

01:55:44.000 No.

01:55:45.000 With infinite possibilities, somebody would have invaded.

01:55:47.000 True.

01:55:48.000 The thing is, the way they describe it, when they talk about Type 1, Type 2, and Type 3 civilizations...

01:55:53.000 Diabetes.

01:55:56.000 I had this guy Michio Kaku, do you know the physicist?

01:55:59.000 That guy's brilliant.

01:56:00.000 He's amazing.

01:56:00.000 Brilliant!

01:56:01.000 Your mind blows every time you watch him.

01:56:03.000 And really, really good at explaining complicated things to people like us.

01:56:10.000 He can explain it in a way that's very clean.

01:56:13.000 Accessible.

01:56:13.000 Very digestible.

01:56:14.000 He's just brilliant at that.

01:56:16.000 About anything.

01:56:17.000 He's got this insane wealth of information.

01:56:20.000 There's a group of girls that like him, too, by the way.

01:56:22.000 Oh, I'm sure.

01:56:23.000 Oh, he's got to have groupies.

01:56:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:56:25.000 Scientist groupies.

01:56:26.000 He's a super genius. 1.00

01:56:27.000 Oh, I'd fuck Sam Harris. 1.00

01:56:28.000 I saw that once when you did your Scientology show, or scientific show. 1.00

01:56:33.000 Which one?

01:56:34.000 Where science show was.

01:56:36.000 Oh, you mean that thing, the 2040, the thing that we all did together in New York?

01:56:41.000 Yeah.

01:56:41.000 That we're talking about?

01:56:42.000 Yeah.

01:56:42.000 Where they're all the geniuses and then the groupies.

01:56:45.000 Yeah.

01:56:45.000 Geniuses.

01:56:46.000 Yeah, we would hang out at night with these geniuses.

01:56:48.000 They were like, oh, here's a look, here's a genius in this, here's a genius in that.

01:56:51.000 They go speak, but they're like cowboys in their field.

01:56:54.000 Whoa.

01:56:54.000 Yeah, they're super famous.

01:56:55.000 So everyone hangs out.

01:56:56.000 He's like women. 1.00

01:56:58.000 And boys, too.

01:56:59.000 Guys, too.

01:56:59.000 There's a lot of guy groupies.

01:57:00.000 I want to hear them.

01:57:02.000 Really?

01:57:02.000 They're so smart.

01:57:03.000 They're famous scientists.

01:57:05.000 Bud Light is making a ton of money off this ep.

01:57:09.000 They deserve it.

01:57:11.000 They've been around forever.

01:57:12.000 They're American. 1.00

01:57:12.000 It's a fucking American. 1.00

01:57:13.000 Solid beverage. 1.00

01:57:15.000 Hey, you remember when you had to order a Bud American?

01:57:18.000 No.

01:57:19.000 Just order in America. 0.87

01:57:20.000 Remember that song?

01:57:21.000 I miss that.

01:57:21.000 What?

01:57:22.000 No.

01:57:22.000 They were covering the flag.

01:57:24.000 What?

01:57:25.000 It's now renamed, Budweiser's renamed America.

01:57:28.000 Wow.

01:57:29.000 Wait, how long?

01:57:29.000 When was this?

01:57:31.000 2016-ish.

01:57:33.000 Wow.

01:57:33.000 You want a shotgun one more?

01:57:34.000 With Pikachu.

01:57:35.000 What happened with Pikachu?

01:57:36.000 That guy, the Asian guy. 0.90

01:57:36.000 I just enjoy drinking, though. 0.90

01:57:39.000 What happened with the white-haired guy?

01:57:41.000 Oh my god, look at this, America.

01:57:42.000 Yeah.

01:57:43.000 We tried.

01:57:44.000 We went to the beach at Dewey Beach going, like, can I get one America?

01:57:46.000 And they're like, what?

01:57:47.000 And you're like, all right, brother. 0.97

01:57:49.000 This peer pressure is ridiculous. 0.86

01:57:50.000 It's for real, though. 0.96

01:57:51.000 It's for the truth.

01:57:52.000 Unrelenting.

01:57:53.000 You never finished.

01:57:54.000 For real.

01:57:54.000 Shout out to the teams.

01:57:55.000 I forgot what I was talking about.

01:57:57.000 What was I saying?

01:57:59.000 You're talking about the scientist Asian guy. 0.87

01:58:01.000 Right.

01:58:01.000 How did we get to him?

01:58:02.000 We're talking about aliens, right?

01:58:03.000 Yes.

01:58:03.000 Oh, we get back on aliens?

01:58:05.000 Oh.

01:58:05.000 Well, he had a good thing with the Asian.

01:58:08.000 Well, he believes that... 0.99

01:58:10.000 Oh shit, I went through the bottom. 0.99

01:58:12.000 Please don't do that. 0.96

01:58:13.000 Sorry.

01:58:13.000 What are you doing at risk?

01:58:14.000 I believe that what they know about whatever the fuck these things are is so strange that, like, it doesn't follow known science.

01:58:25.000 He was saying, like, the videos that they can show you, the actual evidence of things moving, and when they track these things, the speeds that they move at, it defies science. 0.88

01:58:36.000 There's no heat signature. 0.99

01:58:38.000 Everything's fucked. 0.99

01:58:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:40.000 Jamie's in again.

01:58:41.000 He's an animal. 0.98

01:58:42.000 The kid's an animal. 0.99

01:58:43.000 Jamie's a moth.

01:58:44.000 Jamie's getting shotguns harder than everybody.

01:58:47.000 Oh! 0.60

01:58:49.000 Jesus!

01:58:49.000 I got the tomahawk.

01:58:51.000 Thank you, though.

01:58:51.000 Yeah, the tomahawk's nice, dude.

01:58:53.000 Go Cleveland Indians.

01:58:54.000 Wait, hold on.

01:58:55.000 Get the tomahawk, dude.

01:58:57.000 You gotta go down.

01:58:58.000 You gotta get the lid down, dude. 1.00

01:59:01.000 LFG, bitches. 1.00

01:59:02.000 Let's go. 1.00

01:59:03.000 Let's fucking go. 1.00

01:59:05.000 Gah! 1.00

01:59:05.000 It's so cold! 1.00

01:59:07.000 This is for real, though.

01:59:09.000 This is for the troops, dude.

01:59:09.000 Sorry.

01:59:10.000 Uno, dos, tres, go! 1.00

01:59:12.000 My hole sucks. 1.00

01:59:14.000 Damn it. 1.00

01:59:16.000 Gah! 1.00

01:59:22.000 Now, don't nobody say anything bad, dude. 0.97

01:59:26.000 When you said my hole sucks, I almost laughed in the middle of chugging. 0.92

01:59:31.000 Yeah, yeah, in the middle of it. 0.99

01:59:32.000 Bad hole.

01:59:36.000 We're having fun, dude.

01:59:37.000 This is what guys do.

01:59:39.000 Well, they used to before it became toxic.

01:59:43.000 Are we going to pee again?

01:59:45.000 Remember when guys used to have fun?

01:59:46.000 Yeah, I do.

01:59:47.000 It's every day for me.

01:59:49.000 Oh, dude, I do have to say.

01:59:50.000 I do have to say. 0.98

01:59:51.000 The fucking fully loaded tour is nice. 0.99

01:59:54.000 It's got to be amazing. 0.99

01:59:55.000 Can't wait. 1.00

01:59:58.000 The only problem with it is that little twink they have on the tour, that fucking man's dude. 1.00

02:00:03.000 I love man's! 1.00

02:00:05.000 Everything else is cool.

02:00:06.000 I don't know what you're talking about. 1.00

02:00:07.000 There's a guy, Bert has a group of dudes around, there's just one motherfucker. 1.00

02:00:12.000 What's the problem? 0.99

02:00:13.000 He's just a twink, and he loves Norman.

02:00:16.000 He's a queef, for sure. 1.00

02:00:17.000 Bro, he walked actually at the Vulcan.

02:00:19.000 He came, remember that dude?

02:00:21.000 He was chirping at you.

02:00:22.000 Oh, he was all over you! 0.76

02:00:23.000 He was?

02:00:23.000 And you had to shut him down.

02:00:24.000 You're like, who is this fucking guy? 0.99

02:00:25.000 Bert was like, what are you doing, man? 1.00

02:00:27.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00

02:00:29.000 Hey, let's not call this guy out on the podcast. 1.00

02:00:32.000 I promised him I would.

02:00:34.000 You promised him you would? 1.00

02:00:35.000 Yeah, last night he was talking shit, and I said, tomorrow I'm doing Rogan, I'm gonna fucking bury you, pussy. 1.00

02:00:41.000 You told him that? 1.00

02:00:42.000 Yeah.

02:00:44.000 Are you sure you want to do this?

02:00:46.000 I couldn't be more excited to do this.

02:00:48.000 For real, I'm certain.

02:00:50.000 He's a queef and a half. 1.00

02:00:51.000 Obviously, he's a good dude.

02:00:53.000 He's a great guy.

02:00:54.000 For real, he's a great dude.

02:00:56.000 Great guy. 1.00

02:00:57.000 This is where I wanted to kill him. 1.00

02:00:58.000 He likes little boys. 1.00

02:00:59.000 He does love boys.

02:01:02.000 Isn't that okay, though?

02:01:04.000 Well, he's fine.

02:01:06.000 He walked into the green room.

02:01:08.000 It should be okay.

02:01:09.000 He walked into the green room. 1.00

02:01:10.000 I was just on tour with these motherfuckers. 1.00

02:01:14.000 Right. 1.00

02:01:15.000 He did the European tour.

02:01:17.000 Norman did the Europe tour.

02:01:18.000 He walks in and he's like, Hey, how are you?

02:01:21.000 To me.

02:01:23.000 Never met me in his life.

02:01:24.000 He's like, Mark!

02:01:25.000 Hey! 0.99

02:01:27.000 Wait, what?

02:01:28.000 Dude, Manns...

02:01:29.000 He called you me?

02:01:30.000 Manns loves you.

02:01:30.000 No, no, no.

02:01:31.000 Oh.

02:01:32.000 Like, you and me were both in the green.

02:01:33.000 Oh, oh, oh! 1.00

02:01:34.000 His story sucks. 1.00

02:01:35.000 No, it's funny. 1.00

02:01:37.000 Wait a minute. 0.99

02:01:37.000 Doesn't it suck? 0.99

02:01:38.000 Sorry, I'm drunk. 1.00

02:01:39.000 His story sucks. 0.99

02:01:41.000 Yo, give me a second, Joe. 1.00

02:01:44.000 What's your problem?

02:01:45.000 I know.

02:01:45.000 For a guy who likes conspiracy theories and aliens, you don't really give us a shot.

02:01:50.000 There was a moment that I could just jump in and say this story sucks, and I knew it'd be funny to do it.

02:01:54.000 That's how I knew I did it. 0.95

02:01:56.000 I don't mean this story sucks.

02:01:58.000 I could have an open mind and really enjoy this story. 0.93

02:02:00.000 But that moment, I'm like, I think I can say this story sucks and it'd be hilarious. 0.92

02:02:04.000 And it'll break me down. 0.93

02:02:05.000 I'll be like... 1.00

02:02:05.000 What the fuck, Joe? 1.00

02:02:07.000 What the hell are you talking about? 1.00

02:02:08.000 And it worked.

02:02:08.000 We're gonna get back to Mussolini in a bit, folks.

02:02:10.000 Don't worry, we haven't lost our spot.

02:02:12.000 This is so much better without Ari.

02:02:14.000 Jesus, he's weighing us down.

02:02:15.000 By the way, he's gotta be wrecked. 1.00

02:02:18.000 Oh, these fucking Jews. 1.00

02:02:20.000 Yo, for real, Ari's gotta be wrecked, dude. 1.00

02:02:23.000 Do you think he's puking her? 0.94

02:02:24.000 No! 0.65

02:02:24.000 He's running the media out there. 0.65

02:02:26.000 He might be.

02:02:27.000 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 9, 10...

02:02:30.000 He didn't have that one?

02:02:31.000 I'm impressed.

02:02:32.000 He's gonna be wrecked.

02:02:33.000 That's double digits.

02:02:34.000 So he's had 10 beers.

02:02:35.000 Good for him, Dreidel.

02:02:36.000 We shotgunned, no, eleven, twelve.

02:02:38.000 One's mine, one's mine.

02:02:39.000 Two are down.

02:02:40.000 One is down.

02:02:41.000 Maybe even two is mine.

02:02:43.000 Eleven?

02:02:44.000 Maybe eleven.

02:02:45.000 Don't do me like that, though.

02:02:46.000 At least ten.

02:02:46.000 Let's say ten.

02:02:47.000 He's got ten beers down.

02:02:48.000 Go to the Burke tour.

02:02:49.000 That's insane.

02:02:50.000 Go to Fully Loaded.

02:02:51.000 We're doing Mississippi.

02:02:52.000 We're doing Greenville.

02:02:52.000 We're doing Bristol, Tennessee.

02:02:54.000 What's the website?

02:02:55.000 FullyLoaded.com?

02:02:56.000 I believe.

02:02:56.000 Pull it up.

02:02:57.000 That's a great name for a fucking tour, by the way. 1.00

02:02:59.000 And you gotta hand it to the motherfucker. 1.00

02:03:00.000 He's a mogul. 1.00

02:03:01.000 He's a fat mogul. 0.99

02:03:02.000 He's drunk and he's a mogul. 0.99

02:03:04.000 Imagine how good he would be if he was sober.

02:03:06.000 I know!

02:03:09.000 But his tickets would...

02:03:10.000 There it is.

02:03:13.000 Is Bert taking his shirt off on stage the single biggest move in the history of comedy?

02:03:19.000 I've never heard...

02:03:20.000 I said it last time.

02:03:22.000 Dude, the pop, it's my favorite thing.

02:03:24.000 When I'm with him, like, because when he gets...

02:03:27.000 First off, I've been going on right before him this whole time. 0.98

02:03:30.000 So I'm following fucking Big J and Dave Attell. 0.91

02:03:33.000 Oh, Dave Attell, the funniest guy. 0.99

02:03:35.000 And by the way, Jay's been murdering. 0.96

02:03:36.000 Jay's a beast. 0.99

02:03:37.000 Dave obviously murders. 1.00

02:03:38.000 Killer. 1.00

02:03:39.000 Both of them, killers. 0.99

02:03:40.000 And then I go on, and then I'm like, nice. 0.98

02:03:42.000 Good luck.

02:03:42.000 Yeah.

02:03:43.000 No, then I go on, and I'm like, that was pretty good. 0.93

02:03:46.000 And then, ladies and gentlemen, Burt Kreischer, and it's like, and I'm like, holy shit, I'm nothing. 0.99

02:03:53.000 It's wild. 0.99

02:03:54.000 And then, yo, the pop of him taking his fucking shirt off. 0.99

02:03:58.000 Oh, it's like the Beatles. 0.99

02:04:00.000 It really is.

02:04:01.000 And honestly, what's funny is when you're there, you're like, nice.

02:04:05.000 Yes, you're in. 1.00

02:04:06.000 As a fucking comedian, you want to sit there and be like, Oh, that's your fucking thing? 1.00

02:04:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:11.000 No, but he's funny too. 1.00

02:04:12.000 He's great!

02:04:13.000 When he does it...

02:04:16.000 Burt is a beautiful thing.

02:04:19.000 He's a beautiful thing.

02:04:20.000 He's an entity.

02:04:21.000 He's not normal.

02:04:22.000 Look at this!

02:04:23.000 This is what we've been doing, dude.

02:04:25.000 He's beautiful.

02:04:26.000 And here's the other thing.

02:04:27.000 Couldn't be a nicer guy.

02:04:29.000 The best.

02:04:30.000 Couldn't be a nicer guy.

02:04:31.000 He's a genuine sweetheart.

02:04:33.000 Loves comedy.

02:04:34.000 He's a genuine 100% sweetheart.

02:04:36.000 That's the thing.

02:04:36.000 None of it's me.

02:04:37.000 I protect that guy.

02:04:39.000 Those people are having so much fun.

02:04:40.000 I protect him.

02:04:41.000 He puts on a show.

02:04:42.000 I've had some conversations with him.

02:04:44.000 Those people are having so much fun.

02:04:45.000 The best.

02:04:46.000 Hold on, can I say this?

02:04:47.000 His kids miss him, but they're there.

02:04:51.000 They were there on Father's Day.

02:04:52.000 Can I say this?

02:04:53.000 This one's on a show.

02:04:54.000 That's an event.

02:04:55.000 You childless wonder.

02:04:56.000 Can I say this?

02:04:57.000 We're doing baseball fields, and it's like...

02:05:01.000 Who's going to kill?

02:05:02.000 He's out there drinking with people.

02:05:05.000 We're not getting a better show in the world in that show. 1.00

02:05:08.000 He's doing ice baths and fucking IVs. 1.00

02:05:10.000 Let's fucking go. 1.00

02:05:12.000 How did he outlive Norm Macdonald? 1.00

02:05:14.000 He's got a tell on.

02:05:15.000 He's got an ochre set on.

02:05:17.000 That's a special human being.

02:05:18.000 You too.

02:05:19.000 He's the real deal.

02:05:20.000 He drinks so hard.

02:05:21.000 You want to talk about, okay, I'm doing testosterone.

02:05:24.000 Bert has been drinking his whole life.

02:05:27.000 Hell yeah. 1.00

02:05:27.000 That's a giant disadvantage for performance, and yet he still has enough energy to do all the shit he does. 1.00

02:05:35.000 He's always going after it. 0.98

02:05:36.000 We were in the car with Cameron Haynes, and I was like, hey, Burt ran a marathon.

02:05:41.000 Hold on, you guys are all over the place.

02:05:43.000 And Cameron Haynes was like, that's a legit thing.

02:05:46.000 You can't deny that.

02:05:47.000 That's a legit thing. 1.00

02:05:48.000 Yeah, he ran a fucking marathon. 0.99

02:05:49.000 He's got the Mickey Mantle gene. 1.00

02:05:50.000 He really has it.

02:05:51.000 Although he died at 62. The guy has a drive.

02:05:54.000 And it's over.

02:05:55.000 This was the point, is the guy has a drive that belies his habits.

02:06:00.000 Yes.

02:06:01.000 Weird.

02:06:01.000 Like, his habits are insane.

02:06:03.000 Like, you just want to, like, go...

02:06:04.000 How do you have any energy to do anything? 1.00

02:06:06.000 You eat shit. 1.00

02:06:07.000 You drink vodka all day. 1.00

02:06:09.000 You're out of your fucking mind. 1.00

02:06:10.000 That's amazing. 1.00

02:06:11.000 I'm 10 years, 12, 20, whatever years younger than him.

02:06:14.000 I would be hungover.

02:06:15.000 I couldn't move.

02:06:16.000 And he would be on the elliptical with a Bud Light.

02:06:18.000 He's on the elliptical drinking wine.

02:06:20.000 He gets vitamin IVs.

02:06:23.000 Yep.

02:06:23.000 And he keeps going.

02:06:24.000 Keeps going.

02:06:25.000 That's a legit music festival.

02:06:27.000 Yeah.

02:06:28.000 For a comedy show night.

02:06:30.000 Wait till you see it.

02:06:31.000 How many hours is this show?

02:06:33.000 Yeah, how many hours is it?

02:06:34.000 The show is long, dude, but...

02:06:35.000 The intermission?

02:06:36.000 You have an intermission.

02:06:37.000 It's like a half hour?

02:06:38.000 That's what the Bricks do.

02:06:39.000 That means you hang out all day.

02:06:40.000 That means he's just putting on a day of entertainment.

02:06:43.000 Hell yeah! 0.95

02:06:43.000 That's a great idea. 0.95

02:06:44.000 Half hour intermission for a day.

02:06:46.000 Get more drinks.

02:06:47.000 So is it like, what's the total amount of time that people are performing?

02:06:49.000 Hold on, let me say this.

02:06:51.000 It's the party of the summer.

02:06:53.000 Yup.

02:06:54.000 Guys, he just tried to high-five you and you just didn't even...

02:06:57.000 Guys, hold on.

02:06:58.000 No respect for the first time.

02:07:00.000 No respect for the high-five.

02:07:02.000 The fully loaded tour?

02:07:03.000 Are you in promotion mode?

02:07:04.000 This is Shane Gillis promotion mode.

02:07:06.000 It's the party of the summer. 1.00

02:07:07.000 Who the fuck would have thought? 0.99

02:07:08.000 There's the clip. 1.00

02:07:10.000 Clip it. 1.00

02:07:11.000 Dude, I'm giving a fuck. 1.00

02:07:12.000 Yo, that tour stinks, dude. 1.00

02:07:14.000 I hate it.

02:07:18.000 It's a great idea.

02:07:20.000 What a great idea.

02:07:21.000 I'll throw you a bird in the middle of it. 1.00

02:07:23.000 It's the party.

02:07:24.000 Guys, it's the party this summer.

02:07:26.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:07:27.000 Another beer?

02:07:30.000 Oh, come on, Bristol! 1.00

02:07:32.000 Sell this shit out! 1.00

02:07:33.000 Look at this. 1.00

02:07:34.000 They're at the Bon Secours Wellness Arena.

02:07:37.000 Yo, the Bon Secours is gonna be lit, dude.

02:07:40.000 Thunder Valley Amphitheater.

02:07:42.000 We got Brian Simpson coming.

02:07:44.000 We need a black on that tour. 1.00

02:07:45.000 It's getting a little white. 0.99

02:07:46.000 Fucking hilarious. 0.97

02:07:47.000 I love Simpson. 0.98

02:07:48.000 I'm with Simpson July 1st at the MGM. That's a funny black. 1.00

02:07:53.000 Yeah.

02:07:53.000 Jesus Christ.

02:07:55.000 I mean a funny guy.

02:07:56.000 I'm going to do some time. 0.99

02:07:57.000 He's killer. 0.91

02:07:58.000 Joey Coco Diaz in Bristol, Tennessee. 0.78

02:08:00.000 He did my Coco.

02:08:01.000 He did my Creek Week.

02:08:02.000 Yo, I did those Atlantic City shows, and Joey, on the first night, you could tell he hadn't been in front of that many people for that long.

02:08:10.000 It had been a long time.

02:08:11.000 On the second night, he came out guns blazing.

02:08:15.000 I told him, I go, do whatever you want to do.

02:08:17.000 I go, you want to do a minute?

02:08:18.000 Do a minute.

02:08:18.000 You want to do a half hour?

02:08:19.000 Do a half hour.

02:08:20.000 Just do whatever you want to do.

02:08:21.000 Jesus.

02:08:22.000 We'll be ready. 1.00

02:08:23.000 He did seven minutes of fucking red-faced murder. 1.00

02:08:27.000 Red-faced murder. 1.00

02:08:29.000 Just fucking screaming. 1.00

02:08:31.000 He was bright purple on stage, spitting. 1.00

02:08:34.000 Ah! 0.81

02:08:35.000 Killing.

02:08:35.000 Seven minutes?

02:08:36.000 I've never seen him live.

02:08:37.000 I saw him at the main room once.

02:08:39.000 It was wild. 0.97

02:08:40.000 It was fucking awesome. 0.95

02:08:41.000 I'm gonna be on the tour with him. 0.57

02:08:42.000 Where did you see him?

02:08:43.000 I can't wait.

02:08:44.000 I've never seen him. 1.00

02:08:45.000 He's a fucking animal, man. 1.00

02:08:46.000 He's a fucking animal. 1.00

02:08:47.000 Oh, he's not there yet? 1.00

02:08:48.000 His fucking ass was out? 1.00

02:08:49.000 Yeah, his ass was hanging out right before he goes on stage. 1.00

02:08:51.000 It was me behind him filming him. 1.00

02:08:53.000 His ass is completely hanging out. 1.00

02:08:55.000 That's for your show. 1.00

02:08:56.000 Motherfuckers. 1.00

02:08:56.000 Yeah, that was in Atlantic City. 1.00

02:08:58.000 Literally, seven comics were just like, all they could do in their life was to get him back on stage.

02:09:02.000 Yeah.

02:09:03.000 Really?

02:09:04.000 We got him back.

02:09:05.000 And we also got him back where he realized, like, we've been working.

02:09:08.000 You know, we're all, like, everyone's tight.

02:09:10.000 Hans Kim is tight. 1.00

02:09:11.000 That kid is a fucking killer. 1.00

02:09:14.000 Really? 1.00

02:09:15.000 Hans Kim is a fucking killer. 1.00

02:09:17.000 I don't want to tell you his bits. 1.00

02:09:19.000 Dude, I'm telling you that.

02:09:21.000 I'll tell you afterwards, you're going to cry. 0.98

02:09:24.000 I don't want to fuck them up. 1.00

02:09:25.000 But he's a killer. 1.00

02:09:26.000 He was like Kiltoni last time with us. 1.00

02:09:27.000 And, you know, Tony's on fire right now.

02:09:30.000 Tony's a beast, dude. 0.99

02:09:31.000 Tony kills. 0.96

02:09:32.000 So we're all on this show together.

02:09:34.000 So it's a high-pressure show.

02:09:36.000 I saw you and Tony at the Ryman.

02:09:39.000 That must have been...

02:09:39.000 Oh, that was fun.

02:09:40.000 I met you.

02:09:42.000 I don't know what year that was.

02:09:43.000 I think that was 16 or something.

02:09:45.000 Yeah.

02:09:46.000 Yeah, 2016. I was running around Nashville.

02:09:49.000 I was like, let me pop it on this show.

02:09:50.000 And you guys ripped it.

02:09:52.000 That was a fun place.

02:09:53.000 That was a fun hang too, right?

02:09:55.000 Like those late night, talk till 3 in the morning hangs.

02:09:58.000 Yes!

02:09:58.000 You know?

02:09:59.000 That was a good fest. 0.99

02:10:00.000 As a comic, like those fun hangs after a show where you're just hanging out and just talking shit. 0.97

02:10:07.000 Because you don't have anywhere to go. 0.73

02:10:08.000 I can't leave those.

02:10:09.000 I'll stay till 5 in the morning. 0.99

02:10:11.000 You have like a fucking noon flight the next day. 0.99

02:10:12.000 Yes, exactly! 0.99

02:10:13.000 So just chill out.

02:10:14.000 You can't leave! 1.00

02:10:15.000 Talk shit. 1.00

02:10:15.000 It's such a good convo. 1.00

02:10:17.000 Ari's faded.

02:10:18.000 Sit on the couch.

02:10:19.000 Ari's on another planet. 0.99

02:10:22.000 The weed, the booze, and the liquor.

02:10:25.000 We got a tomahawk here. 0.65

02:10:27.000 Hell yeah.

02:10:28.000 This shows off the rails.

02:10:29.000 No, this isn't a throwing one.

02:10:31.000 This is from The Terminal List, that new Amazon series.

02:10:35.000 This is Jack Carr Tomahawk.

02:10:37.000 Uh-oh.

02:10:38.000 The Chris Carr character.

02:10:41.000 Hey, that wasn't bad.

02:10:43.000 That's something.

02:10:43.000 That was pretty good.

02:10:44.000 I was looking for it.

02:10:45.000 That was pretty good. 1.00

02:10:46.000 Did you see that video of that guy that jumps out of his fucking car with a hatchet and tries to kill the cop? 1.00

02:10:50.000 Pull it up. 1.00

02:10:51.000 No, fire that up.

02:10:52.000 What?

02:10:53.000 Hatchet?

02:10:53.000 This cop is standing there on the side of the road.

02:10:56.000 This guy pulls his car next to him, stops the car, and the cop is like, what the fuck is going on? 0.69

02:11:02.000 And the cop puts his hand on his gun, and the guy jumps out with a hatchet and runs at the cop. 0.92

02:11:08.000 Watch this.

02:11:09.000 Wow.

02:11:09.000 This is so wild.

02:11:10.000 So watch this.

02:11:11.000 Did he scalp him?

02:11:12.000 Look at him.

02:11:14.000 Hey.

02:11:15.000 Sorry.

02:11:15.000 A little scalp joke.

02:11:16.000 So watch this guy.

02:11:17.000 So he's sitting here.

02:11:18.000 He's talking to this person.

02:11:19.000 He's pulled over.

02:11:20.000 And this guy just stops the car.

02:11:22.000 The guy stops the car.

02:11:26.000 Opens the door.

02:11:26.000 Shuts the door.

02:11:28.000 And then the cop has got his hands on his gun. 1.00

02:11:30.000 And he jumps out with a fucking hatchet. 1.00

02:11:31.000 Oh my god! 1.00

02:11:33.000 Hatchet wound.

02:11:35.000 Bro, where was he headed? 1.00

02:11:37.000 He jumped out with a fucking hatchet. 1.00

02:11:39.000 Wait, but before this guy saw this, he was just out driving. 1.00

02:11:43.000 Right, what was he doing?

02:11:45.000 Where was he headed?

02:11:46.000 Did the cop put him down?

02:11:48.000 Hey, crime averted beast.

02:11:50.000 Show the whole video.

02:11:52.000 Show that murder.

02:11:54.000 Show that murder.

02:11:56.000 Yeah, the cop puts him down instantly.

02:11:58.000 But I mean, what if that cop wasn't prepared?

02:12:00.000 What if that cop panicked?

02:12:02.000 I mean, that guy jumped out with a hatchet.

02:12:04.000 Nurse hatchet. 1.00

02:12:05.000 What about, uh...

02:12:06.000 Jesus Christ!

02:12:08.000 What about the...

02:12:09.000 Everybody hates cops.

02:12:10.000 I feel bad. 1.00

02:12:11.000 They gotta deal with that shit. 1.00

02:12:12.000 Nobody talks about that kind of shit. 1.00

02:12:13.000 Nobody talks about that kind of shit. 1.00

02:12:14.000 The traffic stopping. 1.00

02:12:15.000 The guy with the fucking axe. 1.00

02:12:17.000 How wild is that video, man? 1.00

02:12:20.000 That's wild.

02:12:20.000 Let me see.

02:12:20.000 I want to see that fucking put down.

02:12:22.000 Well, Jamie will show it. 1.00

02:12:23.000 He'll find it.

02:12:24.000 It's all over Instagram and YouTube.

02:12:26.000 A bunch of people sent it to me.

02:12:28.000 It's so wild because imagine that split-second decision.

02:12:32.000 Is that a guy with a hatchet?

02:12:34.000 I know, right?

02:12:35.000 Is that a guy with a hatchet? 1.00

02:12:37.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:12:39.000 That's such a fucking weird moment in time where a guy with a hatchet has all of a sudden stopped his car and is running at you. 1.00

02:12:46.000 Yeah, we bitch about hecklers. 0.99

02:12:47.000 That's a whole other level. 0.96

02:12:48.000 Is this the full one?

02:12:49.000 Look at this.

02:12:51.000 He gets up casual.

02:12:52.000 He gets up casual like he's trying to throw it off.

02:12:56.000 Who drives with a backpack on?

02:12:57.000 Is that a juggalo?

02:12:59.000 Is this a video or is it just...

02:13:00.000 Oh, here it is.

02:13:01.000 Here it goes.

02:13:02.000 No, this is it.

02:13:02.000 I've seen this part.

02:13:04.000 So if they keep it running, you'll see the whole thing.

02:13:06.000 Who is this guy?

02:13:06.000 Where is he coming from?

02:13:07.000 He's got his hand on his gun.

02:13:09.000 He's got his hand on his gun. 0.99

02:13:10.000 He's like, what the fuck is going on? 0.98

02:13:11.000 And the guy runs out with a hatch. 0.99

02:13:12.000 He's already got it pulled and aimed.

02:13:14.000 He's like, dude, stop.

02:13:15.000 Show it to me!

02:13:16.000 I'm not a baby!

02:13:18.000 Come on! 0.61

02:13:18.000 I'm not a baby! 0.61

02:13:19.000 I want to see it!

02:13:20.000 By the way, what a crisp forward he rolled up in, dude.

02:13:24.000 Yeah.

02:13:24.000 Nice focus.

02:13:25.000 That thing was clean.

02:13:26.000 He pulled over, and that cop was like, wait, what?

02:13:28.000 There's another recent video.

02:13:29.000 He was ready. 0.97

02:13:29.000 There's another recent video of a guy getting shot, and there's this guy who was fucking with this dude who had a gun. 0.97

02:13:35.000 And the guy with the gun was saying, back off. 1.00

02:13:37.000 Like, get on the fucking ground. 1.00

02:13:39.000 He's like, put your gun down, bitch. 1.00

02:13:40.000 Fight like a man. 1.00

02:13:41.000 And the guy takes off his shirt, and he comes charging at the guy, and the guy shoots him.

02:13:44.000 What?

02:13:45.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:13:46.000 Are you nuts? 1.00

02:13:47.000 It's crazy. 1.00

02:13:48.000 Are you nuts? 1.00

02:13:48.000 Yes. 1.00

02:13:49.000 Yeah, for sure he's nuts. 0.99

02:13:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:50.000 Wow. 1.00

02:13:51.000 And for sure, it's the dumbest thing you could ever do with a guy with a gun. 0.99

02:13:55.000 What's in their minds, though, of like, I'm going to show the society? 0.97

02:13:59.000 Bro, he might have been on that same myth.

02:14:01.000 Ari, keep talking.

02:14:02.000 He might have been on that Hitler myth. 0.82

02:14:04.000 Hold on.

02:14:04.000 Let Ari speak.

02:14:05.000 I'm sorry.

02:14:06.000 Let the boys speak.

02:14:08.000 Do cops box? 0.80

02:14:09.000 Do they learn boxing?

02:14:10.000 They don't have to.

02:14:12.000 But jujitsu is the best thing for cops to learn.

02:14:15.000 Yeah!

02:14:16.000 You gotta learn that.

02:14:17.000 Easy, Ju.

02:14:17.000 You gotta learn jujitsu.

02:14:19.000 Ju-jitsu.

02:14:20.000 Ju-jitsu.

02:14:21.000 Hey, hey.

02:14:22.000 Ju-claw.

02:14:24.000 Remember that Ju-claw? 0.97

02:14:25.000 Yes, Ju-claw.

02:14:26.000 Ju-jitsu.

02:14:26.000 He moved after Jews, but he was like, spelled J-I-U, but we all know what it is.

02:14:30.000 Ju-jitsu-claw.

02:14:31.000 Ah, we know.

02:14:32.000 The Ju-claw.

02:14:33.000 Eddie Bravo.

02:14:34.000 So here it is.

02:14:35.000 Bang, bang, bang. 0.89

02:14:36.000 Oh, that guy was like, I'm gonna show the... 1.00

02:14:38.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

02:14:38.000 Well, I mean, that guy had it coming. 1.00

02:14:41.000 I don't know if anybody's had it coming more.

02:14:44.000 What a wild moment.

02:14:46.000 Who are you, he says.

02:14:47.000 I mean, what a weird moment in time.

02:14:51.000 For every time they reach for a hamburger shot, they just gotta show one of these.

02:14:56.000 After that, you've got to let the ticket guy go.

02:14:58.000 You're like, alright, I was going to give you a speeding ticket, but get out of here.

02:15:00.000 He's like, hey, how long do I got to sit here?

02:15:02.000 Imagine if you're a guy and this is your job.

02:15:05.000 Your job is that you occasionally might get attacked by a deal with a hatchet.

02:15:11.000 Imagine being the person getting my taillights out.

02:15:14.000 And he's like, wait, oh my god!

02:15:17.000 Defund the hatchet.

02:15:18.000 By the way, that guy performed perfectly.

02:15:21.000 The way he backed up, good footwork, excellent execution.

02:15:27.000 It's just a crazy situation, though. 0.99

02:15:29.000 I mean, what the fuck? 0.99

02:15:30.000 Who knows the back story? 1.00

02:15:32.000 No one saw that coming.

02:15:34.000 Maybe the back story, like, that's a guy trying to impress his girlfriend. 1.00

02:15:39.000 He was fucking that guy's wife. 1.00

02:15:40.000 Maybe Jodie Foster needed to get her pussy wet. 1.00

02:15:44.000 Maybe those songs need to be written. 1.00

02:15:46.000 And he was like, it's time for me to kill a cop with an axe.

02:15:48.000 The universe wanted me to go to jail for 40 years to create these songs.

02:15:53.000 What happened to Jodie Foster?

02:15:54.000 I'm not getting this.

02:15:55.000 No, the guy, Ed Hinkley, who shot Reagan.

02:15:59.000 John.

02:16:00.000 He was like, this is for Jodie Foster.

02:16:02.000 Oh, did he say that?

02:16:05.000 Jodie Foster from a taxi driver.

02:16:06.000 What?

02:16:06.000 He was like, that's how I'm defending.

02:16:08.000 He was obsessing Reagan.

02:16:09.000 I didn't know that.

02:16:09.000 He was obsessed with her, yeah.

02:16:11.000 Lesbian. 0.97

02:16:13.000 Would-be Reagan assassin John Higley Jr. apologizes to Jodie Foster for trying to tell the president.

02:16:19.000 By the way, Higley's a real sweetheart.

02:16:20.000 Yeah, the accused.

02:16:22.000 Imagine being Jodie Foster and knowing that that guy's out now.

02:16:25.000 I know, right?

02:16:26.000 Like, you've been, like, sleeping good for 22 years.

02:16:28.000 I wonder if you wrote her at a problem.

02:16:30.000 I'm going, like, hey, it's over.

02:16:33.000 I'm not going to do this.

02:16:34.000 But here's a real question.

02:16:37.000 I just want you to know I'm for real not doing this.

02:16:39.000 Okay, listen, after a few texts, you haven't responded, but I know this is your number.

02:16:43.000 I verified it.

02:16:44.000 Please look into your heart and give me the last chance to gain your love and respect. 0.99

02:16:49.000 Damn, all the women you're going to pick, Jody? 1.00

02:16:51.000 That's what she said. 1.00

02:16:52.000 At the time, though, Jody was a fox.

02:16:56.000 14-year-old Jody?

02:16:57.000 Top Jody. 0.99

02:16:58.000 If I was about to shoot a fucking president, I'd be like, yo, who's the hottest 14-year-old? 1.00

02:17:03.000 So he was 20-year-old? 1.00

02:17:04.000 Hannah Montana.

02:17:06.000 I got you.

02:17:07.000 Okay, acceptable answer.

02:17:08.000 But you admit it?

02:17:10.000 For real, can we admit that Hinckley did the right thing?

02:17:13.000 By shooting Reagan?

02:17:15.000 No.

02:17:16.000 No, that's illegal.

02:17:19.000 It's not the right thing to do with something illegal and shoot the president.

02:17:22.000 When it comes to gaining a 14-year-old's respect, you didn't need to shoot a president.

02:17:28.000 How old was she at the time?

02:17:29.000 Was she really 14?

02:17:31.000 I would do anything for you.

02:17:32.000 Let me prove it.

02:17:33.000 Was Jodie Foster 14?

02:17:35.000 No.

02:17:35.000 She was a little older by then.

02:17:36.000 Oh, he emailed Rolling Stone last year stating, I'm now... 0.99

02:17:39.000 Oh shit. 0.98

02:17:41.000 I can't believe you're right. 0.99

02:17:43.000 He emailed Rolling Stone last year stating, I'm now pursuing a music career, I write country songs mostly, and I've just finished two songs.

02:17:52.000 I'm hoping you'll take an interest in my music career.

02:17:56.000 Get on TikTok.

02:17:57.000 What's that guy?

02:18:00.000 There you go.

02:18:01.000 Are you stealing my empties?

02:18:04.000 What if he gets really good?

02:18:06.000 He's on the way! 1.00

02:18:07.000 What if he gets out of jail, and gets his shit together, and then all of a sudden starts killing it? 1.00

02:18:12.000 And the songs, you actually hear it on the radio, and you're like, fuck, this is good. 1.00

02:18:16.000 It's gonna happen. 0.97

02:18:17.000 Now here's a question.

02:18:17.000 When was the last time you listened to radio?

02:18:19.000 All the time.

02:18:20.000 Really?

02:18:21.000 Every time I get to rent a car.

02:18:22.000 Uber drivers.

02:18:23.000 Rent a car.

02:18:24.000 Just to see what it's like in the town?

02:18:26.000 Just flip, see what it hits you with.

02:18:29.000 Okay.

02:18:29.000 It's actually nice.

02:18:30.000 I like this.

02:18:30.000 It's nice.

02:18:31.000 I like it.

02:18:32.000 No playlist.

02:18:33.000 Just like, let me see.

02:18:35.000 Christian music.

02:18:36.000 Christian radio.

02:18:37.000 And they have good sound now, right?

02:18:39.000 Yeah.

02:18:39.000 Radio has good sound now, right?

02:18:40.000 No.

02:18:40.000 Don't they have some HD sound?

02:18:41.000 It's all shit. 1.00

02:18:42.000 Yeah, it's all real. 1.00

02:18:43.000 But it's the same as when you change channels on a TV. You're like, hey, Shawshank's on.

02:18:47.000 It's exciting.

02:18:48.000 When you're in a hotel and you have to watch the movie.

02:18:51.000 Exactly.

02:18:51.000 You're like, this is the best movie of all time.

02:18:53.000 It's nice.

02:18:53.000 But here's the question.

02:18:54.000 Radio used to be a bad...

02:18:56.000 It's great.

02:18:58.000 What do you guys go to when you're driving in a rest of the car?

02:19:01.000 What do you guys go to?

02:19:02.000 Is that even listening to me?

02:19:03.000 Is it the sound quality?

02:19:05.000 Yeah, it's great.

02:19:05.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:19:07.000 He's Israel. 0.94

02:19:07.000 But is it as good? 0.94

02:19:08.000 It's fine.

02:19:09.000 It's totally fine.

02:19:10.000 But when you're playing radio in the car, what do you go to?

02:19:13.000 What do you go like, oh, this stops me.

02:19:14.000 Classic rock.

02:19:15.000 Harder than it looks, right?

02:19:16.000 Hip-hop.

02:19:18.000 You drink these many Bud Lights.

02:19:20.000 He's belligerent!

02:19:22.000 Everybody's sitting around being like, I could drink that many.

02:19:25.000 I know.

02:19:25.000 Here's a pedestrian trying.

02:19:26.000 You're a warrior.

02:19:27.000 So belligerent.

02:19:28.000 I hope you're not a moil. 1.00

02:19:30.000 You gotta cut the wrong dick. 1.00

02:19:33.000 If you're this drunk, you're going to cut the whole thing off. 1.00

02:19:36.000 By the way, you can't win this bet.

02:19:37.000 No way.

02:19:38.000 I'm going to make sure you can't win.

02:19:40.000 I was ready to quit at four.

02:19:42.000 I'm impressed, though.

02:19:42.000 Listen to your voice, please.

02:19:43.000 You're ten.

02:19:44.000 I was ready to quit at four.

02:19:45.000 Quit now.

02:19:46.000 Quit now.

02:19:47.000 You can't talk.

02:19:48.000 You sound like Harvey Weinstein now.

02:19:50.000 He can talk so good with all that booze in his system.

02:19:53.000 That's what's crazy.

02:19:54.000 He weighs around ten pounds at least.

02:19:58.000 What was that?

02:19:58.000 Fat?

02:19:59.000 No.

02:20:00.000 Was that a fat joke?

02:20:00.000 10 pounds.

02:20:01.000 He said 10 pounds.

02:20:03.000 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. I knew you were going to get nasty.

02:20:07.000 Shane, don't be what you hate in other people.

02:20:09.000 Oh, Joe. 1.00

02:20:11.000 Shut up. 0.99

02:20:15.000 For real, my favorite, one of my buddies hit me up and was like, the first time you did Rogan, I was like, uh... 0.98

02:20:22.000 Joe, is that funny? 0.99

02:20:25.000 Literally, the next time I was like, shut the fuck up! 1.00

02:20:29.000 Thank God. 1.00

02:20:31.000 Imagine being in a place where no one tells you to shut the fuck up. 0.98

02:20:35.000 That's a scary place. 0.95

02:20:36.000 That's a scary place for a lot of these guys.

02:20:37.000 You're close, bro.

02:20:39.000 Well, you must see it with other queefs out there who just blow you. 1.00

02:20:42.000 You just gotta keep doing comedy.

02:20:44.000 Yeah.

02:20:45.000 Keep doing stand-up.

02:20:46.000 I gotta be honest, Seinfeld, I was in with him, and I think I got too queefy, and I think he bailed.

02:20:52.000 No.

02:20:52.000 Oh, really?

02:20:53.000 Yeah.

02:20:53.000 You want to say that on this?

02:20:54.000 You broke up in a relationship?

02:20:55.000 The worst thing is to be a fan to some comic.

02:20:58.000 Good choice.

02:20:58.000 What happened?

02:20:59.000 What'd you do wrong?

02:21:00.000 I think I just texted him too much, and I was too complimentary.

02:21:03.000 Oh, you got weird. 0.99

02:21:05.000 He would hit me with shit, and I was like, I agree, but he wanted me to not agree. 1.00

02:21:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:21:09.000 And I think I got too...

02:21:10.000 You got nervous.

02:21:11.000 Yeah, it's like a supermodel.

02:21:13.000 Yeah, it's hard.

02:21:14.000 Yeah.

02:21:14.000 It's hard when you meet people that you super, super admire.

02:21:17.000 Yeah.

02:21:17.000 And become friends with them.

02:21:18.000 I had an issue with that with Bourdain.

02:21:20.000 I felt really cozy.

02:21:21.000 Really?

02:21:21.000 Yeah.

02:21:22.000 When I'm mad at him, I really said this to him. 1.00

02:21:25.000 You should kill yourself. 0.99

02:21:26.000 I said, hey man, really nice to meet you. 1.00

02:21:28.000 My wife says you're my boyfriend.

02:21:31.000 Oh! 1.00

02:21:34.000 What a fucking dork! 1.00

02:21:37.000 What a fucking dork! 1.00

02:21:42.000 Because I would always watch No Reservations. 1.00

02:21:45.000 And my wife is like, oh, you're watching your boyfriend?

02:21:47.000 She thought it was funny.

02:21:49.000 Oh, no wonder he ended it.

02:21:51.000 No, no, that's how I became friends with him.

02:21:53.000 You want to hear a rough one?

02:21:54.000 He was cool. 0.99

02:21:55.000 He could handle my fuck-up, my dorkiness. 0.98

02:21:58.000 You want to hear a rough one this week? 0.98

02:21:59.000 He was nice.

02:21:59.000 He was great.

02:22:00.000 This is a rough one.

02:22:01.000 Okay, go ahead.

02:22:02.000 This is a rough one this week.

02:22:04.000 Jack Harlow, the rapper, DM'd me on Instagram and was like, you're hilarious.

02:22:09.000 And I was like...

02:22:11.000 I panicked.

02:22:13.000 I love Jack Harlow. 1.00

02:22:15.000 Jack Harlow's the shit. 1.00

02:22:16.000 I was like, just so you know, I screenshot this and said this to my girlfriend like, this is a cool thing. 1.00

02:22:22.000 Come on! 0.61

02:22:23.000 No, hold on. 0.99

02:22:25.000 Thank Christ for fucking unsend on Instagram. 0.99

02:22:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:22:29.000 I had 15 minutes to unsend it.

02:22:31.000 Really?

02:22:32.000 Yeah, you can unsend.

02:22:33.000 I didn't know that.

02:22:34.000 Yeah, unsend.

02:22:36.000 Boys, all those DMs to those girls. 0.99

02:22:39.000 Unsend.

02:22:42.000 Unsend, fellas. 0.99

02:22:43.000 Can you pull back a dick pic from time and space? 1.00

02:22:45.000 Yeah, you could. 1.00

02:22:45.000 Shh! 1.00

02:22:48.000 What if they make a screenshot?

02:22:50.000 What if they're on their phone 24-7 with notifications on?

02:22:53.000 And they get a screenshot. 1.00

02:22:55.000 Ari, you're the last person to worry about your dick being out there. 1.00

02:22:58.000 I saw that podcast you did the other day where you took your dick out, you took your shirt off, then you pulled your dick out and you sat down in front of... 1.00

02:23:04.000 Did you continue the podcast with your dick out? 1.00

02:23:06.000 Entire podcast. 1.00

02:23:07.000 Two hours.

02:23:08.000 Two hours. 0.99

02:23:09.000 Sweet dick out. 1.00

02:23:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:23:10.000 He took his pants off.

02:23:11.000 He wronged me. 1.00

02:23:12.000 He's got a great dick. 1.00

02:23:13.000 I think HR wants to have a conversation with you. 1.00

02:23:17.000 Dude, you ever see that sculpture of Donald Trump? 0.99

02:23:20.000 They put it in fucking Central Park. 1.00

02:23:23.000 Tiny dick? 1.00

02:23:24.000 For real, that's my body. 1.00

02:23:29.000 What is this?

02:23:30.000 There's a sculpture in Central Park?

02:23:32.000 What are you talking about?

02:23:32.000 I was like, that's actually not that bad.

02:23:34.000 A jokey sculpture about his body? 1.00

02:23:37.000 Tiny penis and a fat guy. 1.00

02:23:39.000 No, let me see. 1.00

02:23:41.000 That was a big thing.

02:23:42.000 Yeah, pull it up.

02:23:43.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.

02:23:46.000 Oh my god.

02:23:47.000 That is hilarious.

02:23:49.000 They put that up.

02:23:50.000 It is so funny.

02:23:52.000 It's so funny that the people that want you to accept other people's bodies...

02:23:57.000 Is that Gerard behind them?

02:23:58.000 Body shaming.

02:23:59.000 ...will body shame this guy when convenient.

02:24:02.000 That's how it goes.

02:24:03.000 Isn't that weird?

02:24:03.000 We pick and choose.

02:24:04.000 That is really kind of crazy.

02:24:06.000 Yeah.

02:24:06.000 Because you're not really about being kind and compassionate.

02:24:12.000 You're only about being kind and compassionate with people that agree with you.

02:24:15.000 If people disagree with you or if you think of them as an existential threat, it's not saying that you shouldn't think of Trump as an existential threat, that's not what I'm saying, but I'm saying when you think of that person as a threat, you conveniently abandon all your values,

02:24:33.000 all humility, all humanity.

02:24:35.000 All kindness, all compassion. 1.00

02:24:37.000 Damn. 1.00

02:24:38.000 You just attack him for having a little dick. 1.00

02:24:40.000 It's the one thing that you can't control over almost anything. 0.99

02:24:44.000 It's the base value system. 1.00

02:24:46.000 Like, ha-ha, you suck. 1.00

02:24:47.000 Your body sucks. 1.00

02:24:48.000 Look at that. 1.00

02:24:49.000 This guy's holding his finger there.

02:24:51.000 Yuck, yuck, yuck.

02:24:51.000 He doesn't believe that.

02:24:53.000 But he does believe that.

02:24:55.000 That's a funny joke. 1.00

02:24:57.000 Meanwhile, I bet Trump has a regular dick. 1.00

02:25:00.000 Trump's got a hog, dude. 1.00

02:25:01.000 Stormy Daniels was alright with it. 0.99

02:25:02.000 Stormy Daniels said it was a bell.

02:25:06.000 Bells?

02:25:08.000 He had a stroke.

02:25:09.000 It's the booster.

02:25:11.000 The middle of a punchline.

02:25:14.000 There you go. 1.00

02:25:16.000 Yeah, Trump's fat. 0.99

02:25:18.000 Everybody's fat now. 0.98

02:25:19.000 But he has so much energy.

02:25:22.000 I think he's on like a fraction of what Hitler was on. 0.88

02:25:25.000 Just a load.

02:25:26.000 We got it evened out.

02:25:28.000 Wait, we'll see Mussolini and Mao.

02:25:31.000 Mussolini and then Hitler. 0.56

02:25:32.000 Bring it up.

02:25:33.000 Let's go Mussolini first.

02:25:44.000 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 1.00

02:25:45.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:25:46.000 Jamie, you know what's going to be better? 1.00

02:25:47.000 It's Where Brooklyn At, Hitler, Mussolini.

02:25:50.000 What?

02:25:51.000 I mean, it was one of the oldest videos, so it's probably not funny now, but if you type in Where Brooklyn At, it's the Biggie Tupac freestyle.

02:26:01.000 You'll see.

02:26:03.000 It used to be funny.

02:26:04.000 Couldn't we just watch what we were watching?

02:26:05.000 I thought we were watching Mussolini.

02:26:06.000 No, I promise you that stuff.

02:26:08.000 But I wanted to see it.

02:26:08.000 Hitler vs.

02:26:09.000 Mussolini Freestyle.

02:26:10.000 Okay, let's see it.

02:26:11.000 Let's see it. 0.99

02:26:12.000 Goddammit, Shane. 0.99

02:26:12.000 That interrupted. 0.99

02:26:13.000 What are you going to do?

02:26:15.000 Just let it play out.

02:26:16.000 All right.

02:26:28.000 He's not as good as Hitler. 0.93

02:26:29.000 You guys are going to be bummed when you find out I was right.

02:26:31.000 No, we're going to go to that afterwards, Knucklehead.

02:26:34.000 I dare you call me a Knucklehead, dude. 1.00

02:26:37.000 Call me a fucking Knucklehead, dude. 1.00

02:26:39.000 Knucklehead! 1.00

02:26:40.000 He's going to get through his Cosby moment.

02:26:49.000 Back then, they were probably just freaked out that someone could get their voice amplified.

02:26:53.000 Right.

02:26:55.000 For real?

02:26:55.000 Yeah.

02:26:56.000 Like, what?

02:26:57.000 How are we hearing him?

02:26:58.000 He's far away.

02:26:59.000 You know how wild that must have been?

02:27:00.000 You have to really stop and think about that.

02:27:02.000 Well, what year are we in?

02:27:03.000 40s?

02:27:04.000 This is the 40s, right?

02:27:05.000 Uh, it's the probably 20s?

02:27:07.000 Yeah, maybe 30s.

02:27:08.000 20s?

02:27:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:27:11.000 One of these clips said he was like the first non-American talking movie, like, picture.

02:27:15.000 Oh, so this is way...

02:27:17.000 I don't know exactly what you're listening to.

02:27:19.000 So let's go to Hitler. 0.90

02:27:22.000 This is basically a fully loaded set.

02:27:24.000 It's outdoors.

02:27:25.000 Hitler's the best one. 1.00

02:27:28.000 He's the GOAT. Out of all of the horrible human beings that have given evil speeches, he's the GOAT. He's the fucking titty bass. 0.99

02:27:45.000 Because he's the first guy like this that has been amplified. 1.00

02:27:53.000 This is what we're saying.

02:27:57.000 This is the first guy like this that's been amplified.

02:28:00.000 I think that has a giant factor in it.

02:28:02.000 If you think about what he talked people into doing, he's trying to get out of there.

02:28:06.000 I see where this is going.

02:28:08.000 I'm running.

02:28:11.000 Props to the one dude out there like...

02:28:14.000 You never hear about that guy.

02:28:17.000 It's weird.

02:28:18.000 But, Jamie, there's some other speeches of Hitler, too, right?

02:28:20.000 I know, I was just trying to find one.

02:28:21.000 Hang on the rooftop.

02:28:23.000 Let's find one more.

02:28:23.000 What about Brooklynette?

02:28:24.000 There's some ones that are like, what crazy dynamic.

02:28:28.000 I'll go with that.

02:28:29.000 By the way.

02:28:29.000 But, like, out of evil people.

02:28:32.000 Yeah, hold on.

02:28:33.000 Okay, is this it? 1.00

02:28:35.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:28:37.000 Oh, now he's bringing up Hitler. 1.00

02:28:43.000 I don't know.

02:28:44.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:28:45.000 Shane, you son of a bitch. 1.00

02:28:48.000 That's funny. 1.00

02:28:52.000 That's funny.

02:29:20.000 This is amazing.

02:29:43.000 It's a good set. 1.00

02:29:54.000 Damn! 0.99

02:29:57.000 That looked just like it. 1.00

02:30:01.000 Oh my god, it's incredible.

02:30:15.000 Now they gotta end it.

02:30:31.000 Wow!

02:30:32.000 That's incredible.

02:30:33.000 I want you to imagine for a moment a world where Biggie and Tupac never have a feud.

02:30:41.000 And they just link up and are fun with each other and promote each other.

02:30:48.000 And tell each other about how great each other is.

02:30:50.000 That's one good thing.

02:30:51.000 Imagine a world like that.

02:30:52.000 Did you watch the documentary on Biggie?

02:30:54.000 No.

02:30:55.000 It's fun, because he's like, why are we fighting?

02:30:57.000 I don't get it.

02:30:58.000 But it's just such an East Coast, West Coast thing, and there was no internet.

02:31:01.000 There was no connection.

02:31:02.000 It always seemed like Biggie was a softer one.

02:31:04.000 Super fat and soft.

02:31:06.000 Right, right, right.

02:31:06.000 But Drew Rock went to art school.

02:31:09.000 So did Hitler. 0.97

02:31:10.000 You ever see the video of Biggie on the corner at like 17?

02:31:15.000 Biggie standing on the corner at 17?

02:31:17.000 Pull that up. 0.99

02:31:18.000 Killing.

02:31:18.000 Because it's one of the greatest videos of any performer.

02:31:20.000 If you think about performers...

02:31:22.000 Like, about, like, raw, unedited.

02:31:24.000 Give me this.

02:31:25.000 Let me hear this.

02:31:26.000 Bed-Stuy.

02:31:27.000 I lived there for a minute.

02:31:30.000 Seventeen.

02:31:33.000 Look at that rock and the polo. 0.97

02:31:38.000 It's just a fat guy. 1.00

02:31:40.000 But how good is this fucking flow? 1.00

02:31:42.000 They're just like Schultz now. 1.00

02:31:48.000 Killing on the corner.

02:31:54.000 I will say this. 0.98

02:31:55.000 Come on, man.

02:31:56.000 Listen to this. 1.00

02:31:57.000 Nothing better than killing it as a fat person. 1.00

02:31:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:32:00.000 For real. 0.99

02:32:02.000 But listen to how good his fucking flow is. 0.99

02:32:04.000 Seven million views. 0.99

02:32:07.000 Less than the whole cost.

02:32:10.000 No more.

02:32:11.000 True.

02:32:14.000 That's what I meant.

02:32:15.000 Yeah.

02:32:16.000 What happened before?

02:32:17.000 Yeah!

02:32:20.000 But it's so good.

02:32:22.000 This is before TikTok.

02:32:23.000 The writing is so good.

02:32:24.000 He's an unknown.

02:32:24.000 He's completely unknown.

02:32:25.000 He's 17. He's on a street corner.

02:32:27.000 It's some guy.

02:32:28.000 He's in front of a grocery store.

02:32:30.000 And he's smashing on a corner.

02:32:32.000 Smashing.

02:32:33.000 Smashing.

02:32:34.000 Biggie does rule. 0.99

02:32:35.000 He rules. 0.58

02:32:35.000 You ever see those Jews partying videos where they re-dub it? 0.58

02:32:39.000 What? 0.92

02:32:39.000 No. 0.92

02:32:40.000 It's just Jews partying. 1.00

02:32:41.000 No, hold on.

02:32:42.000 Hold on.

02:32:43.000 I've shouted him out.

02:32:44.000 Eggs Tyrone, dude.

02:32:45.000 Eggs Tyrone.

02:32:46.000 Let's see it.

02:32:47.000 Eggs Tyrone.

02:32:48.000 Last time we were on, I shouted out Eggs Tyrone.

02:32:50.000 Are you saying eggs or eggs?

02:32:52.000 Are you saying eggs or eggs?

02:32:52.000 Eggs.

02:32:53.000 Eggs.

02:32:53.000 Eggs Tyrone, bro.

02:32:55.000 Eggs Tyrone.

02:32:55.000 I've heard of that guy.

02:32:56.000 I've seen some of his videos.

02:32:58.000 Barstool just reposted him and didn't credit him.

02:33:02.000 They should credit him.

02:33:03.000 Portnoy's a Jew. 0.97

02:33:04.000 I've seen that.

02:33:05.000 Another one! 0.99

02:33:06.000 Another one! 0.99

02:33:07.000 Let's see it.

02:33:08.000 It's just Drew's parting to techno music.

02:33:11.000 Or to rap music.

02:33:12.000 It was techno. 1.00

02:33:13.000 Eggs put the fucking... 1.00

02:33:14.000 Let me hear this. 1.00

02:33:15.000 Which one should I do?

02:33:15.000 No, no, no, that one!

02:33:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:33:17.000 Goat.

02:33:19.000 Pretty sure this is Drew with Downs.

02:33:20.000 You don't see that.

02:33:26.000 Now, what would be the real song, Ari?

02:33:29.000 It was, uh, techno.

02:33:30.000 That was techno, yeah.

02:33:31.000 Oh, okay.

02:33:32.000 No, ex-tyrone.

02:33:33.000 So, is this real dancing?

02:33:36.000 No!

02:33:36.000 I mean, yeah, it's real dancing.

02:33:37.000 But this is not for this song?

02:33:39.000 No.

02:33:40.000 Well, okay, Ari, what song would they be dancing to?

02:33:46.000 No.

02:33:47.000 What about Yanis Mahou or whatever?

02:33:51.000 For real you play any of these, they rule.

02:33:54.000 Wait a minute.

02:33:56.000 Isn't that not...

02:33:58.000 Why is she wearing a burka? 1.00

02:34:00.000 Error.

02:34:00.000 Do you not understand what's happening here?

02:34:02.000 He just remixes this crazy shit and it matches! 0.99

02:34:05.000 These people are not dancing to these songs. 1.00

02:34:08.000 It matches!

02:34:08.000 They're dancing to completely different songs.

02:34:10.000 Beats or beats?

02:34:13.000 I just got it.

02:34:14.000 From the lowest tables.

02:34:16.000 Mark Norman, slow on the tape.

02:34:18.000 Here we go, here we go.

02:34:20.000 Sorry, I'm out of the drinking.

02:34:22.000 You wouldn't yet.

02:34:23.000 Three, five, now. 1.00

02:34:25.000 Coward. 1.00

02:34:26.000 Coward. 0.99

02:34:27.000 But Ari, I'm curious as to what do you think that song was that the guys were dancing to? 1.00

02:34:33.000 Some fucking song. 1.00

02:34:34.000 Some fucking juice song. 1.00

02:34:36.000 Oh, some... 1.00

02:34:36.000 It's one of the juice-ups. 1.00

02:34:38.000 No, no, no.

02:34:39.000 He's getting after it, though.

02:34:40.000 That guy looks like he's really feeling good.

02:34:42.000 The Haka Flocka loves it. 0.97

02:34:43.000 Get the one in the back of the bus.

02:34:45.000 That's the best one.

02:34:46.000 All right, listen, boys.

02:34:47.000 I have to piss, so I'm going to leave for a moment.

02:34:49.000 And I take no responsibility for anything from this point until I return.

02:34:57.000 It's all on you guys.

02:34:58.000 That guy actually does play techno.

02:35:01.000 Go to the back of the bus.

02:35:02.000 The one in the back of the bus.

02:35:04.000 The Jews in the back of the bus was the best one. 1.00

02:35:06.000 You're thinking of Rosa Parkstein.

02:35:08.000 Yes, that's what I was going to say.

02:35:09.000 This channel or the other one?

02:35:11.000 All right.

02:35:12.000 Edward.

02:35:13.000 All right. 0.62

02:35:14.000 Just Google the Jews back of the bus. 1.00

02:35:17.000 Mark, dude, that's not cool.

02:35:19.000 Ah, don't scare me.

02:35:21.000 Mark, a line was crossed.

02:35:22.000 Mark, even joking about it's not cool.

02:35:24.000 Yeah.

02:35:25.000 It's just the three of us.

02:35:26.000 How do you think you're doing, dude?

02:35:27.000 Oh, goodbye.

02:35:29.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:35:33.000 Wow, you're fucking belligerent. 1.00

02:35:34.000 I got nothing. 1.00

02:35:35.000 You stink. 0.99

02:35:36.000 We might be drunk. 0.99

02:35:37.000 Tuesdays with stories.

02:35:38.000 Out to lunch.

02:35:39.000 Shane Gillis on YouTube.

02:35:41.000 It doesn't matter, dude.

02:35:50.000 Can you hand me the water?

02:35:52.000 I haven't had any water in about six months.

02:35:55.000 Take me the water there, will you there?

02:35:56.000 How you doing?

02:35:58.000 Harry, how are you doing?

02:36:01.000 Jamie.

02:36:01.000 Where are we at right now?

02:36:02.000 A lot of people joke around and say, Bud Lights, that's not that much.

02:36:07.000 What are we at?

02:36:08.000 Boy, oh boy.

02:36:08.000 Does it catch up to you?

02:36:10.000 Five?

02:36:12.000 10. Hold on.

02:36:14.000 14. I'm hurting.

02:36:17.000 I'm hurting.

02:36:17.000 I can feel it.

02:36:19.000 We got a show tonight.

02:36:20.000 We're doing Kill Tony.

02:36:21.000 Oh, Kill Tony. 0.95

02:36:22.000 By the way, that's going to get ugly. 1.00

02:36:24.000 Tony Hinchcliffe. 1.00

02:36:26.000 What a gay guy that I should hate. 1.00

02:36:31.000 Turns out, he does kind of rule. 1.00

02:36:34.000 Kills on stage. 0.99

02:36:35.000 Boy, oh boy, does that guy kill. 0.98

02:36:37.000 Hell of a car. 0.99

02:36:39.000 That car stinks.

02:36:41.000 That car bothers me.

02:36:45.000 He was like, Shane, do you want to look at my Corvette?

02:36:48.000 They were like, check this out.

02:36:49.000 I can start it from far away.

02:36:50.000 He's like, I can start it from here in the green room. 1.00

02:36:53.000 I'm like, dude, you're a dork. 1.00

02:36:55.000 You're a dork. 1.00

02:36:56.000 Yo, he's a dork, but man. 1.00

02:36:59.000 That motherfucker kills, dude. 1.00

02:37:01.000 He's a dork. 1.00

02:37:02.000 He does well on stage. 1.00

02:37:03.000 That's all I care about.

02:37:04.000 We were just talking about Tony.

02:37:05.000 I was listening.

02:37:06.000 I was listening.

02:37:07.000 I've never heard anybody do a better Tony Hitchfield impression.

02:37:10.000 Give me another one.

02:37:12.000 Give me another one.

02:37:12.000 Tell me about the Corvette.

02:37:14.000 Hold on.

02:37:15.000 First of all, this is how Tony talks to me every day.

02:37:17.000 He's like, you know, New York's not great.

02:37:20.000 Oh my God.

02:37:21.000 The food scene in Austin is the best in the world.

02:37:25.000 We get it, you like Dave Attell.

02:37:27.000 That was actually the best joke he's not ever had.

02:37:30.000 The shoes? 0.99

02:37:30.000 That joke fucking killed, bro. 0.99

02:37:32.000 That was a good joke. 1.00

02:37:32.000 Good joke. 1.00

02:37:33.000 Because that roast, Lewis's roast.

02:37:37.000 Ooh.

02:37:38.000 I went in on him.

02:37:39.000 A little bit.

02:37:40.000 Yeah, you went hard.

02:37:41.000 I didn't know it was mean.

02:37:42.000 You went hard.

02:37:43.000 It was mean.

02:37:43.000 He went hard.

02:37:44.000 It was real mean.

02:37:45.000 Shane went hard. 0.99

02:37:46.000 I was watching that in a hotel like, damn. 1.00

02:37:48.000 Jesus, Shane. 1.00

02:37:49.000 How could you have any idea what the fuck you're saying when you're 15 beers deep? 1.00

02:37:54.000 Right now? 0.99

02:37:55.000 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16. You're 16. You gotta start starting this podcast two hours in and then put the first two hours on the back.

02:38:09.000 Listen to Slurry McFuckstick over there. 0.60

02:38:11.000 I'm doing it right now!

02:38:12.000 You gotta start starting these podcasts two hours in and then put the first two hours on the back.

02:38:24.000 It is hard to talk when you drink a little.

02:38:26.000 Palsy?

02:38:27.000 First two hours on the back.

02:38:28.000 Yeah, brilliant.

02:38:29.000 Write it down.

02:38:31.000 Rewind, dude.

02:38:32.000 I didn't speak for the first 45 minutes.

02:38:35.000 I noticed.

02:38:36.000 It's good to have you on the pod.

02:38:38.000 Yeah, bro.

02:38:39.000 It's good to have you. 1.00

02:38:40.000 Shut up, Mark. 1.00

02:38:42.000 You bitch. 1.00

02:38:45.000 Can I just say while I'm drunk and high, I'm so happy we do these. 1.00

02:38:48.000 Yeah!

02:38:49.000 Dude, these are so fun.

02:38:50.000 They make me so happy.

02:38:52.000 Because they're so wild.

02:38:53.000 This is what we would really do. 0.99

02:38:56.000 If you allowed us to do whatever we'd want to talk shit, this is what we'd do. 0.98

02:39:00.000 This is exactly how we'd do it. 1.00

02:39:01.000 We'd get high, we'd get drunk, we'd talk shit. 1.00

02:39:04.000 Hell yeah. 1.00

02:39:05.000 This is just guys talking, dude.

02:39:06.000 Shaking things up.

02:39:07.000 It's what we used to do.

02:39:08.000 It's what people used to do.

02:39:10.000 It was fun.

02:39:10.000 Michael J. Fox.

02:39:11.000 But, you know, to be able to do it in this day and age, it's like, how dare you?

02:39:16.000 Sorry, I like MJF. He's a great guy.

02:39:19.000 Great guy, cute, little, shaky, alive.

02:39:20.000 Back to the Future was an awesome movie.

02:39:23.000 He's still going.

02:39:24.000 Still going.

02:39:25.000 Still going.

02:39:25.000 Good for him.

02:39:26.000 A lot of people have tapped out.

02:39:27.000 If you told me he was dead two years ago, I'd be like, wait, I missed it?

02:39:31.000 There's a lot of that.

02:39:32.000 People are dying.

02:39:33.000 You just go, ah, how about that?

02:39:34.000 Betty White died.

02:39:37.000 Right?

02:39:37.000 Two years ago.

02:39:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:39:39.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:39:40.000 Damn, you did fucking good, bro. 1.00

02:39:43.000 Good. 1.00

02:39:43.000 He's sleeping at the mic. 1.00

02:39:46.000 I'm telling you.

02:39:46.000 That's pretty good.

02:39:47.000 He's hugging it like a dick. 1.00

02:39:48.000 I'm telling you. 1.00

02:39:48.000 He's fucking competitive. 1.00

02:39:50.000 I wanted to get to half. 1.00

02:39:51.000 What a stupid psycho. 1.00

02:39:53.000 You definitely got half. 1.00

02:39:55.000 We would gamble a little bit with Ari, and I would give him a certain amount of balls. 0.84

02:39:59.000 I had to make the nine ball, but he could make the seven, eight, or the nine.

02:40:03.000 Seven wilds?

02:40:03.000 Yeah, and he would win a lot.

02:40:05.000 Not wild.

02:40:05.000 7, 8, 9, not wild.

02:40:06.000 Yeah, it's a lot of balls.

02:40:08.000 I'll never forget the first time I did this podcast and you and me played pool after. 0.92

02:40:12.000 Oh, that's a power move.

02:40:13.000 He rocked me in pool.

02:40:15.000 Rocks you.

02:40:16.000 He doesn't go like, hey, you want to have a pool?

02:40:17.000 He's like, let me make sure you're okay.

02:40:19.000 He's like, no, no, I'm going to try to work with you.

02:40:22.000 Bro, I was literally, there was a moment I was like, which one should I aim for?

02:40:26.000 And he was like, It's a competitive game. 0.98

02:40:29.000 I was like, yo, you're a monster. 0.96

02:40:34.000 Yeah, you're competitive. 1.00

02:40:36.000 And then he left and I was just like, what the fuck did I do on that last one? 0.98

02:40:40.000 How about with the antibodies? 0.97

02:40:41.000 He's like, look at my antibodies.

02:40:44.000 That was my favorite thing, dude.

02:40:45.000 Nobody's got him better than Jamie, though.

02:40:47.000 I tapped Jamie.

02:40:48.000 Really?

02:40:48.000 By the way.

02:40:49.000 To this day, they're like a fat Sharpie line.

02:40:52.000 I'm not kidding.

02:40:54.000 He's got superhuman antibodies.

02:40:57.000 You gotta understand this, but let me put it in perspective.

02:41:01.000 Jamie got COVID in October of 2020. Jamie got COVID once in October of 2020. And Jamie, for whatever reason, retains these wild antibodies, and he keeps getting a new line like he fought it off, but he never gets sick.

02:41:17.000 He keeps fucking Chinese chicks. 1.00

02:41:22.000 I've been drinking. 1.00

02:41:24.000 You know what's funny? 0.99

02:41:25.000 I don't think fucking is enough anymore. 0.99

02:41:27.000 I think they recommend other activity. 1.00

02:41:29.000 Ass-eating. 0.93

02:41:31.000 Fecal matter has been implanted into other folks and it improves your gut biome, so there's that. 1.00

02:41:38.000 Eat fecal matter?

02:41:39.000 Be healthy?

02:41:39.000 No, not eating it.

02:41:40.000 They usually use a suppository. 0.99

02:41:41.000 They stuff it up your butt. 0.99

02:41:43.000 By the way, I used to wet the bed. 0.99

02:41:44.000 I think.

02:41:44.000 No, I'm wrong.

02:41:45.000 No, no, no.

02:41:46.000 I think I should take pills.

02:41:47.000 I think you have to take a pill.

02:41:48.000 Hold on, you wet the bed?

02:41:49.000 I used to wet the bed as a kid.

02:41:51.000 I was wrong.

02:41:51.000 And my dad is so scary and old school that he's like, you're not peeing for hours.

02:41:56.000 I'm going to hold a stopwatch.

02:41:57.000 I haven't peed, by the way.

02:41:59.000 I haven't peed.

02:41:59.000 I got a bladder like an old camel.

02:42:02.000 True.

02:42:03.000 Yeah.

02:42:04.000 I already looked like a camel.

02:42:05.000 It's because he had four drinks, dude.

02:42:06.000 Fecal transplantation.

02:42:07.000 I better put down whiskeys.

02:42:08.000 This is my favorite.

02:42:10.000 Look at this.

02:42:10.000 And I shotgunned two beers.

02:42:12.000 Look at the ounces.

02:42:12.000 This is more alcohol.

02:42:15.000 But he's a normal person size. 0.98

02:42:18.000 You're bigger and Ari is just an animal. 1.00

02:42:21.000 Look at what it says.

02:42:22.000 Fecal transplantation is the transfer of stool from a healthy donor into the gastrointestinal tract for the purpose of treating recurrent C. diviculi colitis.

02:42:33.000 I had a virus.

02:42:35.000 Ari's going.

02:42:35.000 Where are you going with that booze bottle?

02:42:39.000 Don't piss in the bottle, you son of a bitch! 1.00

02:42:41.000 He's going to recycle that juice. 1.00

02:42:42.000 He always pisses in the bottle.

02:42:43.000 You know what's nice?

02:42:44.000 Tell him to go to the bathroom. 0.95

02:42:45.000 We knew this was going to happen.

02:42:46.000 You can hear you, but he's not going to.

02:42:48.000 He can hear us in the bathroom.

02:42:50.000 Isn't it fun? 1.00

02:42:50.000 He's going to stuff his dick in that bottle. 1.00

02:42:52.000 We knew he was going to die. 1.00

02:42:54.000 Oh, he's done.

02:42:55.000 Shane, that's not fair.

02:42:56.000 For real?

02:42:57.000 For real, we were walking and he was like, when we were walking to the barbecue place, he was like, I'll drink as many as you tomorrow.

02:43:06.000 And I was like...

02:43:06.000 That's so crazy to say.

02:43:09.000 Okay.

02:43:10.000 That's so crazy to say.

02:43:11.000 I was going to take it easy. 0.99

02:43:14.000 He's going to go to an old folks home and die with Cuomo.

02:43:18.000 But he took 10 years off his life tonight.

02:43:21.000 That's pretty funny.

02:43:22.000 He really did.

02:43:22.000 And then we got to go do another show.

02:43:24.000 Do you hear how he's struggling with words?

02:43:29.000 He's like in a wrestling match with his lips.

02:43:34.000 It's so not fair. 1.00

02:43:36.000 It's like if I pulled him aside and told him that he could do this, I would be a real piece of shit. 0.99

02:43:42.000 Imagine if I'm like, dude, you can do it. 1.00

02:43:44.000 I know you.

02:43:46.000 Imagine?

02:43:47.000 But you just let him try.

02:43:49.000 You're a bad friend.

02:43:50.000 You should have told him.

02:43:51.000 I'm a bad friend?

02:43:52.000 An enabler.

02:43:53.000 You should have said, Ari, I love you.

02:43:54.000 I love you.

02:43:55.000 It's just not an ego thing.

02:43:56.000 Let's let it go.

02:43:57.000 I mean, I'm impressed that he's done this much.

02:43:59.000 That's not impressive.

02:44:00.000 That's liver damage.

02:44:01.000 That's crazy.

02:44:02.000 Well, for him, he's 78. You know, this is good.

02:44:05.000 He's back.

02:44:06.000 He's on Social Security.

02:44:07.000 He's back.

02:44:07.000 Uh-oh, he's back.

02:44:08.000 You didn't even pee.

02:44:09.000 Hold on.

02:44:09.000 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16. Is it like a...

02:44:19.000 But you can't keep piss, right?

02:44:21.000 It'll smell horrible.

02:44:22.000 You can't store it somewhere.

02:44:24.000 You look like the bad guy in the Smurfs. 0.98

02:44:25.000 Ari, please don't tell me you took a bottle of your piss and stuffed it into the cabinet. 1.00

02:44:29.000 It's out there.

02:44:30.000 Where is it?

02:44:31.000 It's right outside.

02:44:32.000 I'm sorry.

02:44:33.000 Why'd you take the bottle?

02:44:34.000 Why'd you pee in that bottle?

02:44:35.000 Why didn't you just go to the bathroom? 0.98

02:44:36.000 I don't know.

02:44:37.000 I got more if you need it.

02:44:38.000 I don't know!

02:44:39.000 Okay, from now on, do me a favor and just go to the bathroom. 1.00

02:44:41.000 Fair enough.

02:44:42.000 Did you piss on the floor a little bit?

02:44:44.000 No.

02:44:44.000 Don't lie.

02:44:45.000 Come on, not even a dribble? 0.97

02:44:47.000 That'll suck. 0.85

02:44:47.000 Did you blot it on your pants? 0.85

02:44:49.000 Not at all.

02:44:50.000 How'd you stop your stream?

02:44:53.000 I don't buy it. 0.98

02:44:54.000 Full piss.

02:44:55.000 I love that this podcast started out with like, woke culture's got a swing, right? 0.97

02:44:59.000 Jamie's going to sniff the carpet. 1.00

02:45:01.000 Jamie's like a fucking bloodhound. 1.00

02:45:03.000 He's out there sniffing. 1.00

02:45:04.000 He's got a jug of piss. 0.80

02:45:06.000 There's a jug of a half-sized bottle of Buffalo Trace filled with piss. 0.98

02:45:11.000 It was a lie. 0.98

02:45:11.000 What is wrong with you? 0.98

02:45:13.000 And it's a big-ass bottle. 0.97

02:45:14.000 That was a giant bottle.

02:45:16.000 Big bottle.

02:45:17.000 Jesus, Harry.

02:45:18.000 That's not necessary as a grown adult.

02:45:22.000 Come on.

02:45:23.000 You pay taxes.

02:45:23.000 You're respectable.

02:45:25.000 You pay taxes.

02:45:26.000 What was I talking about before?

02:45:27.000 We're crazy.

02:45:28.000 Why use the bathroom?

02:45:30.000 Why are you at your friend's studio?

02:45:32.000 Why are you just pissing a bottle?

02:45:34.000 I don't know where I am.

02:45:35.000 I thought this was Marin.

02:45:37.000 You're sober as a judge.

02:45:38.000 No, no.

02:45:40.000 You've watched me. 1.00

02:45:42.000 You had a sip, you coward. 1.00

02:45:44.000 And I've done two shotguns. 1.00

02:45:47.000 Ari's sleeping.

02:45:48.000 Ari's dead, bro.

02:45:50.000 Ari's dead. 0.73

02:45:51.000 He was chasing that five grand.

02:45:53.000 Yeah, they're going to get you another liver, Ari. 1.00

02:45:55.000 You hang in there.

02:45:57.000 You're just chasing it, boy.

02:45:58.000 The liver's very resilient.

02:46:02.000 Yeah, your lever is like Hiroshima right now, son.

02:46:04.000 Oh, yeah.

02:46:05.000 Your lever's getting bombed on.

02:46:07.000 It's like Drakow.

02:46:09.000 I think that's a camp.

02:46:10.000 Drakow, not Drakow.

02:46:12.000 Oh, Drakow. 0.98

02:46:13.000 Sorry.

02:46:13.000 Sorry to your dad.

02:46:15.000 What'd you say?

02:46:16.000 I said, even while drunk.

02:46:17.000 Yeah.

02:46:18.000 What is this?

02:46:19.000 Oh, sorry.

02:46:19.000 I don't play a pistol.

02:46:20.000 It's a security camera. 1.00

02:46:21.000 You got it on camera, you fucking idiot. 1.00

02:46:24.000 I'm selling your dick to the highest bidder. 1.00

02:46:27.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:46:28.000 What? 1.00

02:46:29.000 What do you think?

02:46:30.000 You're in a low security place? 1.00

02:46:32.000 Oh, that's some fucking... 1.00

02:46:33.000 Don't you see all the train killers running around this place? 1.00

02:46:36.000 What's that guy's name who got busted on E.T. television?

02:46:40.000 What?

02:46:44.000 Why are you pissing in my hallway is a better question. 1.00

02:46:48.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

02:46:51.000 Why are you recording in the hallway when I can piss there? 1.00

02:46:55.000 Because you never know who's coming to the fucking hallway, Ari. 0.99

02:47:00.000 You don't think someone's going to be pissing out there. 1.00

02:47:02.000 Your behavior's not normal.

02:47:05.000 It's not against the law.

02:47:08.000 There's security cameras.

02:47:10.000 That's your...

02:47:12.000 That's your Ray Rice video. 0.98

02:47:13.000 It's the hallway in my place of work, not the place where you piss.

02:47:17.000 What are you guys doing?

02:47:19.000 That was so quick, dude.

02:47:20.000 Obviously you piss in the hallway. 0.99

02:47:22.000 Why do you have foreskin? 0.99

02:47:26.000 Didn't you make a covenant with God, dude? 1.00

02:47:29.000 I know, what the fuck? 1.00

02:47:30.000 He wasn't ready. 1.00

02:47:31.000 I saw your dick. 1.00

02:47:32.000 He was noncommittal. 1.00

02:47:33.000 What's that guy's name?

02:47:33.000 Pat something.

02:47:35.000 He was on E, or A&E, or ET. What happened?

02:47:38.000 He went drunk and he did like a Mel Gibson.

02:47:42.000 Give it a gook there, J-Lo. 1.00

02:47:44.000 By the way, props to Mel Gibson.

02:47:46.000 Pat Roberts.

02:47:47.000 Oh, oh, oh.

02:47:49.000 Pat Buchanan.

02:47:50.000 Pat O'Reilly.

02:47:51.000 No, close.

02:47:52.000 Pat O'Reilly, maybe. 1.00

02:47:54.000 Irish motherfucker. 1.00

02:47:56.000 Hold on. 1.00

02:47:57.000 There's a video of him.

02:48:01.000 Pat O'Brien.

02:48:03.000 Pat O'Brien.

02:48:03.000 Maybe we shouldn't all drink on these.

02:48:05.000 Yeah, we'll probably not play that.

02:48:07.000 Oh, okay, okay.

02:48:08.000 I guess, uh...

02:48:09.000 It's public.

02:48:10.000 Did he call somebody and leave a message?

02:48:11.000 Yeah, and he was just hammered.

02:48:14.000 He had a real problem, and that's what Ari... 1.00

02:48:15.000 Look at Ari! 1.00

02:48:16.000 He's out to lunch!

02:48:20.000 Imagine thinking that he could keep up with you.

02:48:24.000 And he smoked weed, though.

02:48:26.000 But here's what's really crazy, Shane, is your ability to just power through with perfect elocution.

02:48:34.000 Thank you.

02:48:35.000 We gotta get Ari to a bathroom before he pukes. 1.00

02:48:37.000 You gotta imagine he didn't smoke weed, though!

02:48:41.000 He didn't even smoke weed!

02:48:42.000 Don't grab the mic like that, no one can understand what you're saying.

02:48:44.000 He didn't even smoke weed!

02:48:46.000 All of a sudden he becomes a rapper.

02:48:48.000 Don't act like it's nothing!

02:48:49.000 Don't ruin the JRE experience, dude.

02:48:53.000 Wow, he's going to keep drinking.

02:48:56.000 Interesting.

02:48:56.000 So much from my theory about European Jews.

02:48:59.000 I thought you guys were tough. 0.97

02:49:01.000 Tough as hell, dude. 0.98

02:49:02.000 What the hell, man? 0.92

02:49:03.000 But it was the intelligence. 0.94

02:49:05.000 There's water there.

02:49:05.000 You can still go if you drink water.

02:49:09.000 You can keep going.

02:49:09.000 But if you have to throw up...

02:49:11.000 All the 14, 15, 16-year-olds out there...

02:49:15.000 You gotta coast.

02:49:16.000 Epstein's Island.

02:49:17.000 Shout out to all the 15-year-olds.

02:49:20.000 Shout out to 15-year-olds.

02:49:21.000 Kevin Spacey.

02:49:22.000 You gotta coast.

02:49:22.000 The one thing I wanna teach you is, you're drinking, you gotta coast.

02:49:26.000 You already feeling buzzed.

02:49:27.000 Drink water.

02:49:29.000 Play R. Kelly.

02:49:31.000 I'm telling you, coast.

02:49:34.000 I believe I can fly.

02:49:35.000 I feel like we should all snap at that.

02:49:38.000 Sage words from Ari Shapiro.

02:49:39.000 I don't know if you guys know this.

02:49:41.000 I didn't know it.

02:49:43.000 The last one we did, they were like, I don't know if you guys know this, you guys did R. Kelly last time.

02:49:48.000 Yeah.

02:49:49.000 Oh, that's embarrassing.

02:49:51.000 What do you mean?

02:49:52.000 It is embarrassing. 1.00

02:49:53.000 When we get together, we talk about the same shit. 1.00

02:49:56.000 Hey, listen, listen, listen. 1.00

02:49:58.000 Hey, listen, listen.

02:49:59.000 He brings up elk every week.

02:50:01.000 Don't read.

02:50:03.000 Anything.

02:50:03.000 Don't listen.

02:50:05.000 This is the greatest thing I do. 1.00

02:50:07.000 I've done a lot of shit. 0.99

02:50:08.000 This is the greatest thing I do. 1.00

02:50:09.000 Post and ghost.

02:50:10.000 Post and ghost.

02:50:11.000 Here we go.

02:50:11.000 Real talk.

02:50:12.000 Jamie.

02:50:13.000 We're gonna keep going.

02:50:14.000 No!

02:50:15.000 We're gonna keep going.

02:50:16.000 He's farting into the microphone.

02:50:19.000 Listen to me. 1.00

02:50:20.000 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

02:50:23.000 No one gives a fuck. 1.00

02:50:25.000 This is better. 1.00

02:50:26.000 It's better to talk about the same shit. 1.00

02:50:28.000 It's better to talk about whatever the fuck you want to talk about when you're talking about it. 1.00

02:50:32.000 Whether that's something you already brought up or not. 0.99

02:50:34.000 Who fucking cares? 0.94

02:50:35.000 This is one of the greatest music videos of all time. 0.99

02:50:38.000 Real talk. 0.98

02:50:39.000 We made this a regular part of this motherfucking podcast than soapy. 0.99

02:50:47.000 Every time we get fucked up, we're like, yo, play RK. Yo, play it. 0.99

02:50:51.000 We're just trying to establish with you.

02:50:56.000 Don't play this again. 1.00

02:50:58.000 Shut the fuck up, Norman. 1.00

02:51:00.000 We gotta mix it up. 1.00

02:51:01.000 Listen to this.

02:51:06.000 Hold on, please.

02:51:08.000 Oh, we've heard it.

02:51:15.000 It's pretty funny.

02:51:17.000 Give me that Barocca. 0.67

02:51:23.000 Don't hate on the timing, bro.

02:51:25.000 The timing was amazing.

02:51:28.000 I know you've heard it before, Mark Norma, but you gotta...

02:51:31.000 We gotta mix it up.

02:51:34.000 Yeah, occasionally.

02:51:35.000 But sometimes not.

02:51:36.000 No, it's nice. 0.99

02:51:36.000 It's nice that every single time we get hammered, we go back to fucking... 0.99

02:51:40.000 To R. Kelly. 0.99

02:51:41.000 We're like, yo, fire up R. Kelly.

02:51:43.000 Yeah.

02:51:44.000 Imagine what it was like before people were filming.

02:51:48.000 Imagine how decadent people were back in, like, the old Shakespearean play days.

02:51:53.000 Better time.

02:51:54.000 Nothing was recorded. 1.00

02:51:55.000 Like, Sinatra was just doing crazy shit. 0.99

02:51:58.000 He was hitting women and all this stuff, and he never got in trouble. 0.98

02:52:01.000 What are you showing us, Jamie?

02:52:02.000 Got you in the closet.

02:52:03.000 Don't do it! 0.88

02:52:04.000 Don't do the midget! 1.00

02:52:06.000 Don't you fucking do it! 1.00

02:52:10.000 Don't do it, Jamo! 1.00

02:52:13.000 Jamie!

02:52:14.000 That guy's dead.

02:52:15.000 Jamie's hammered.

02:52:17.000 I know.

02:52:17.000 What a bummer, man.

02:52:18.000 I know.

02:52:19.000 That's a chick from... 1.00

02:52:20.000 It's always sunny.

02:52:22.000 Great actor.

02:52:22.000 Is she?

02:52:25.000 Is it Artemis?

02:52:29.000 Wait a minute.

02:52:30.000 Here we go.

02:52:32.000 It still holds up.

02:52:36.000 Look at the cabin.

02:52:43.000 No space bits.

02:52:50.000 It's nuts.

02:52:50.000 It's nutty.

02:52:51.000 How is that thing?

02:52:52.000 And it goes away.

02:52:54.000 Oh, God.

02:52:54.000 Well, they held it for the next one.

02:52:56.000 I didn't know that. 0.98

02:52:57.000 I wish he wasn't a sex criminal. 0.99

02:52:58.000 It's a shame. 0.99

02:52:59.000 Hold on.

02:53:00.000 He's a brilliant man.

02:53:02.000 It's just so crazy.

02:53:03.000 He's an artist.

02:53:04.000 He's an artist.

02:53:06.000 He does what he wants.

02:53:07.000 It's like parody without knowing that you're making a parody.

02:53:10.000 Yes, exactly.

02:53:11.000 There's something genius about it.

02:53:13.000 Is that?

02:53:14.000 There's something.

02:53:14.000 But do you think he knew that it was funny?

02:53:17.000 No.

02:53:17.000 That's why it's so good.

02:53:19.000 You don't think so?

02:53:20.000 He doesn't know.

02:53:21.000 I mean, there's a little comedy.

02:53:23.000 Is that Bushuk Bill or not? 0.97

02:53:24.000 No.

02:53:25.000 We did that already.

02:53:26.000 This is all reruns.

02:53:27.000 I don't remember anything.

02:53:29.000 This is a rerun.

02:53:29.000 Well, you had 85 beers.

02:53:31.000 Fair.

02:53:32.000 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 beers in.

02:53:40.000 I'm impressed.

02:53:41.000 That is insanity.

02:53:41.000 Good for you, man.

02:53:42.000 At your age, and you're...

02:53:45.000 Please stop, because you're going to have to throw up.

02:53:47.000 I will stop. 0.97

02:53:48.000 Puke on the show. 0.57

02:53:49.000 Puke on the show. 1.00

02:53:50.000 Don't try to keep up with this fucking animal. 1.00

02:53:51.000 This guy doesn't even lose his ability to form sentences. 1.00

02:53:55.000 He's fine.

02:53:56.000 He's got a problem.

02:53:57.000 He's fine.

02:53:59.000 I've had a couple shots.

02:54:00.000 Does he have a problem or do we have a problem?

02:54:02.000 No, he has no problem.

02:54:03.000 Like if a guy's running marathons and we like run around the block and we get tired.

02:54:08.000 Yeah, who has a problem really?

02:54:10.000 Who has a problem?

02:54:10.000 The guy who doesn't run marathons has a problem.

02:54:12.000 The marathon guy seems like he's fine.

02:54:14.000 It's me.

02:54:15.000 But if he doesn't drink a Bud Light every four hours, I think he might crumble.

02:54:19.000 But he seems fine.

02:54:21.000 He's fine.

02:54:22.000 You can't say that these rules apply to normal people.

02:54:25.000 Not to him, not to Bert. 0.97

02:54:27.000 He's really fucking funny. 0.97

02:54:29.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:54:29.000 Like, that guy, we did Irvine, the improv together. 0.97

02:54:33.000 It was the first time I worked with him.

02:54:34.000 I saw him do a long set. 0.98

02:54:36.000 He's fucking funny. 0.98

02:54:37.000 He made me laugh. 0.99

02:54:38.000 He made me laugh hard. 1.00

02:54:39.000 If that's what it takes, Stephen King made his best shit when he was smoking cigarettes and doing coke. 1.00

02:54:44.000 Who? 1.00

02:54:45.000 Stephen King.

02:54:46.000 Oh, yeah, that's right. 1.00

02:54:47.000 His best shit. 1.00

02:54:47.000 He was getting hammered. 1.00

02:54:48.000 At the cellar, when everyone's just like equal, next person, next person, he's...

02:54:53.000 Rush. 1.00

02:54:53.000 He's a killer. 1.00

02:54:54.000 He's an animal. 1.00

02:54:55.000 Great comic.

02:54:55.000 We had him at the Vulcan.

02:54:57.000 Well, you guys were all there. 1.00

02:54:58.000 He's a fucking animal. 1.00

02:54:59.000 How does Will Smith feel now, though? 1.00

02:55:02.000 How does he feel now?

02:55:04.000 Can you imagine Will Smith after all this?

02:55:06.000 How does he feel?

02:55:07.000 Terrible.

02:55:08.000 He's like, I shouldn't have done it.

02:55:10.000 100%.

02:55:11.000 I think there's an article that was talking to Samuel Jackson backstage saying that he couldn't believe he did it right after he did it.

02:55:17.000 Really? 1.00

02:55:18.000 Yeah, it's like he just, he lost his shit, man. 1.00

02:55:21.000 He's fucking some chick. 1.00

02:55:22.000 He's fucking some chick and he's like, I gotta do it. 1.00

02:55:25.000 But how do you deal with that later? 1.00

02:55:27.000 We've all been yelled at online and had that, and that It hurts.

02:55:30.000 It hurts your feelings.

02:55:31.000 I think there's a danger to being that popular.

02:55:35.000 There's a real danger to having that much charm and all these people love you and you feel like you can almost get away with anything.

02:55:43.000 And then you add that to whatever complications that relationship brings and you get this weird combination Also, Chris Rock had a history of very mild but hilarious jokes about Jada.

02:55:57.000 Very mild, very mild, but hilarious.

02:55:58.000 It's like, shut up, who cares?

02:56:00.000 That's not a reason. 0.99

02:56:01.000 How belligerent he is!

02:56:03.000 It's not a reason.

02:56:04.000 No, no, no, I'm definitely not saying it's a reason.

02:56:07.000 It might be a reason for action.

02:56:08.000 It's not a justified reason.

02:56:11.000 Right.

02:56:11.000 But there was obviously some sort of a conversation because...

02:56:15.000 Will Smith laughed and Jada Pinkett did not and she looked at him and then he went on stage.

02:56:20.000 He made like this split second decision. 1.00

02:56:24.000 He's a bitch defending his fucking dumb cunt. 1.00

02:56:28.000 That was Ari Shafir, and he is under the influence of drugs. 1.00

02:56:32.000 And just like he's not willing to consent to sex, he's not willing to consent to these words.

02:56:36.000 He laughed!

02:56:36.000 He had a great time!

02:56:36.000 And he's like, oh, fuck.

02:56:38.000 She's dumb, fucking cunt. 1.00

02:56:39.000 Unhappy. 1.00

02:56:40.000 I gotta go slap this dumb guy who's way weaker than me, because my dumb fucking bitch is unhappy. 1.00

02:56:47.000 You're like my dad at a soccer game. 1.00

02:56:49.000 He's gonna keep going.

02:56:50.000 He's 15 drinks in, he's gonna keep going.

02:56:52.000 A lot of guys think they can drink Bud Lights.

02:56:56.000 Look at this guy.

02:56:57.000 How are you so good?

02:56:59.000 He's fake Sinatra right now.

02:57:01.000 A lot of guys sit around and go, man, Bud Light, what's that, water?

02:57:05.000 Ooh-wee.

02:57:06.000 You find out.

02:57:08.000 Well, he had whiskey too, man.

02:57:10.000 Not enough.

02:57:11.000 Oh, okay.

02:57:12.000 But weed!

02:57:13.000 He had weed.

02:57:14.000 What are you, 17?

02:57:15.000 16?

02:57:16.000 I can't count.

02:57:17.000 I'm seeing double.

02:57:18.000 But Will Smith, we've all had a drunk night where you go, oh, what did I say?

02:57:22.000 I don't think he was drunk, man.

02:57:23.000 I know, I'm just saying.

02:57:24.000 I think he just blew a fuse and didn't, you know, sometimes you just... 0.99

02:57:28.000 Imagine being a guy who's going there to win the fucking Academy Award and you think you're untouchable. 0.99

02:57:33.000 But the after effect. 0.99

02:57:35.000 We've all had a drunken night where you're like, I texted that? 1.00

02:57:37.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:57:38.000 I fucking suck. 1.00

02:57:39.000 I hate myself. 1.00

02:57:40.000 It must be horrendous. 0.72

02:57:41.000 It's gotta be horrendous.

02:57:42.000 Horrendous.

02:57:43.000 But I think that if he just admits that and talks about it in a really open and honest way, people will embrace that and forgive him and they'll be- Just say it.

02:57:52.000 Say your story.

02:57:53.000 Say that was wrong.

02:57:55.000 Way wrong.

02:57:55.000 They'll connect with him as a human.

02:57:56.000 Yes.

02:57:57.000 Yes.

02:57:57.000 Because that was like a human moment.

02:57:59.000 It was a human moment.

02:57:59.000 Totally.

02:58:00.000 It's a weird place to be, to be a guy like Will Smith and to have the gall to go on stage and smack one of the greatest comics ever and then just sit down and then say, leave my wife's name out of your fucking mouth. 1.00

02:58:11.000 That's crazy. 1.00

02:58:12.000 Crazy.

02:58:13.000 He clearly blew a fuse. 0.94

02:58:15.000 And his interface where he connected with the way the world looks at him was way off.

02:58:22.000 Way off.

02:58:23.000 Way off.

02:58:24.000 That was a crazy thing to do.

02:58:25.000 That was so insane.

02:58:27.000 Yeah.

02:58:27.000 And now the Elijah whatever guy, the Chappelle tackle guy.

02:58:32.000 He's in jail.

02:58:33.000 Yeah, well, he tried to murder his roommate.

02:58:35.000 That's right.

02:58:35.000 Yeah, in December.

02:58:36.000 A separate thing?

02:58:37.000 Yeah, separate. 1.00

02:58:38.000 What a fucking idiot. 1.00

02:58:40.000 I know. 1.00

02:58:40.000 Well, he was a problem. 1.00

02:58:42.000 Just move out. 1.00

02:58:46.000 Maybe you should fucking move out. 1.00

02:58:47.000 You should fucking move out. 1.00

02:58:52.000 Have you ever had a roommate and be like, fuck you! 1.00

02:58:55.000 No, fuck you! 1.00

02:58:56.000 Just put your shit back over there! 1.00

02:58:59.000 I'm doing it for you! 1.00

02:59:00.000 Roommates can be awesome.

02:59:03.000 They can be awesome, though.

02:59:04.000 They can be.

02:59:04.000 It's fun.

02:59:05.000 But the problem is when they're awesome, you ain't getting shit done. 0.94

02:59:07.000 You got that right. 0.99

02:59:09.000 If you live in a house full of dudes and you're all having a good time, you're not getting a goddamn thing done. 0.96

02:59:14.000 I lived in a house with five guys in college. 0.97

02:59:16.000 We had a poker night every Monday.

02:59:18.000 We had a hot tub. 0.97

02:59:19.000 It was fucking awesome. 1.00

02:59:20.000 Sucked and fucked. 1.00

02:59:20.000 But nobody did shit. 1.00

02:59:21.000 Nobody did the dishes. 0.98

02:59:23.000 Those years fly by.

02:59:24.000 Those years fly by.

02:59:25.000 If you've got a thing you're trying to do, they're great.

02:59:28.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:59:29.000 But if you have a thing you're trying to do, like comedy or something like that, and you live in a house where it's really fun.

02:59:33.000 Forget about it.

02:59:34.000 It's hard.

02:59:35.000 It's hard to be disciplined.

02:59:38.000 It is.

02:59:39.000 I'm more of a disciplined guy myself.

02:59:42.000 I'm a big disciplined guy.

02:59:43.000 Ari, you're a big disciplined guy.

02:59:45.000 Well, he's disciplined himself into 15 beers.

02:59:47.000 Absolutely.

02:59:47.000 Push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups.

02:59:49.000 All day, every day, you get massive gains.

02:59:54.000 Are you a fan of creatine, or do you just like to eat kosher?

02:59:58.000 Dude, you're unfocusing yourself for massive gains. 1.00

03:00:03.000 Holy shit. 0.99

03:00:05.000 This is the only time Ari has ever been drunk publicly, by the way. 0.99

03:00:10.000 Finally!

03:00:10.000 I don't think he's ever been this hammered publicly.

03:00:13.000 Throw it! 0.99

03:00:15.000 You almost hit a camera, man. 0.98

03:00:17.000 I'm more of a dirty bulk guy myself. 0.98

03:00:19.000 I like it. 0.94

03:00:19.000 You barely missed that camera. 0.94

03:00:21.000 Ari, I'm a big dirty bulk guy, dude. 0.94

03:00:24.000 Dirty bulk? 0.99

03:00:25.000 Shane's getting jacked, son. 0.98

03:00:27.000 Jacked. 0.88

03:00:27.000 Shane gets more eloquent as he drinks beers. 0.88

03:00:31.000 His standard is 9, so anything above or below 9 is like, what's the difference?

03:00:36.000 16 is less than 0 below 9. Right now, Michael Lehrer is making fun of the way you talk.

03:00:42.000 Who? 0.97

03:00:44.000 Michael Lehrer, the goat. 0.97

03:00:46.000 The goat. 0.95

03:00:47.000 You'll see him tonight, dude.

03:00:47.000 That guy's got courage.

03:00:48.000 Who's that?

03:00:51.000 He's hilarious.

03:00:53.000 He's funny.

03:00:54.000 He's got Lou Gehrig's, right?

03:00:55.000 Tell me one more, someone in a wheelchair, who's funnier than him.

03:00:59.000 Stephen Hawking.

03:01:01.000 He cheated on his wife.

03:01:02.000 Well, did he?

03:01:04.000 Yes!

03:01:05.000 Pull it up! 0.91

03:01:06.000 Well, he definitely liked ladies. 1.00

03:01:08.000 Which is fascinating.

03:01:10.000 You know who explained that to me?

03:01:12.000 Eric Weinstein.

03:01:13.000 He said there's people who can't move their body, but they still get aroused.

03:01:16.000 And then there's people who don't feel anything.

03:01:18.000 And he couldn't move his body, but he still got aroused.

03:01:20.000 My girlfriend feels nothing.

03:01:23.000 But wait, pull up the honking, man.

03:01:25.000 He cheated on his wife.

03:01:26.000 Girlfriend.

03:01:27.000 Hey, I want to ask you something about that little BMW you have. 1.00

03:01:30.000 I love that fucking car. 0.99

03:01:31.000 Is that a 2002? 1.00

03:01:32.000 02, 1973. It runs like a fucking champ! 1.00

03:01:37.000 It's such a beautiful little car. 1.00

03:01:38.000 Shout out to the two dudes you didn't drink today.

03:01:41.000 I drank.

03:01:41.000 I've been drinking.

03:01:42.000 I love cars, man.

03:01:43.000 I've been wanting to talk to Norman about this ever since I saw his Instagram pictures.

03:01:47.000 I should have brought it up.

03:01:48.000 I love that car.

03:01:50.000 I like cars!

03:01:52.000 Norman does too!

03:01:53.000 That's a beautiful little car, man.

03:01:55.000 Guys, seriously.

03:01:57.000 This car is a perfect size car.

03:02:00.000 It's intimate.

03:02:01.000 It feels like you're in a toy.

03:02:03.000 That's right!

03:02:03.000 You're driving it around.

03:02:05.000 It's like you're in a ride.

03:02:06.000 Mark Norman is in a ride.

03:02:07.000 And it's not particularly fast.

03:02:09.000 It doesn't handle all that great.

03:02:11.000 Not great.

03:02:11.000 But what it does is, it represents this weird connection between a person and a machine.

03:02:18.000 You got that right.

03:02:18.000 And it put BMW back on the map.

03:02:22.000 Look at this!

03:02:24.000 You don't understand. 1.00

03:02:25.000 Look at this fucking car. 1.00

03:02:26.000 This is a dope-ass little car. 1.00

03:02:28.000 Thank you! 0.59

03:02:29.000 I love it.

03:02:30.000 I love to drive shtick on this car, by the way.

03:02:33.000 I got a boner looking at these videos.

03:02:34.000 I was thinking about getting one myself.

03:02:37.000 Yeah, you drive through the village.

03:02:38.000 It's such a great little car.

03:02:40.000 You ever hop in a 2018 Chevy Cruze?

03:02:43.000 Hit the next page.

03:02:47.000 I'm geeking out.

03:02:48.000 You guys don't understand what this is.

03:02:49.000 This is a beautiful little car. 1.00

03:02:53.000 It's just gay as fuck. 1.00

03:02:55.000 I'm not gay. 1.00

03:02:57.000 So I drive a fucking Chevy Cruze, dude. 1.00

03:03:00.000 What's a Chevy Cruze? 1.00

03:03:02.000 Google Chevy Cruze, dude.

03:03:04.000 We talked about this too, didn't we?

03:03:05.000 No, I don't think so.

03:03:07.000 I think we did.

03:03:07.000 I think it's another repeat.

03:03:10.000 He looks great.

03:03:12.000 I think it's like a hybrid, right?

03:03:14.000 Oh boy, it's nice.

03:03:17.000 Chevy Cruze?

03:03:18.000 That's like a rental car.

03:03:19.000 That's where you get at the rental.

03:03:20.000 It's a tight little ride.

03:03:22.000 Top level rental car.

03:03:23.000 Listen, Mark Norman is in like a time machine when he's driving that car around.

03:03:27.000 Dude, I'm all over it.

03:03:28.000 It's so fun to shift it.

03:03:29.000 It's good time.

03:03:30.000 It's no cruise. 1.00

03:03:32.000 That's a fucking vehicle. 1.00

03:03:33.000 That's a Ted Cruz. 1.00

03:03:34.000 Oh, what a nice ride.

03:03:36.000 That's what you like?

03:03:37.000 And by the way, do you hate Apple Play?

03:03:39.000 Let me ask you a question.

03:03:40.000 Do you hate life?

03:03:42.000 I know you make some money, so I want to show you something.

03:03:47.000 Pull up a 2022 Shelby Mustang GT500. Uh-oh.

03:03:54.000 This is what you need in your life.

03:03:55.000 No, I'm big into it.

03:03:58.000 Look at me.

03:03:58.000 And look at that.

03:04:00.000 Uh-oh.

03:04:01.000 This is like 900 horsepower?

03:04:03.000 That's a Cobra. 1.00

03:04:04.000 900 fucking horsepower! 1.00

03:04:07.000 Who needs that? 1.00

03:04:08.000 Shane, listen to me.

03:04:09.000 Do you want to have fun?

03:04:10.000 Do you want to be in a car where every time you hit the gas, you're alive?

03:04:14.000 You feel it?

03:04:15.000 You don't have to drive fast. 1.00

03:04:16.000 You just know you're riding a fucking American-made dragon. 1.00

03:04:21.000 You're riding an American-made dragon around the city. 1.00

03:04:24.000 What were you about to say, Mark?

03:04:25.000 Why are you driving a golf cart?

03:04:29.000 He needs a Tesla.

03:04:31.000 Because after the beers, it can drive itself.

03:04:33.000 You're good to go.

03:04:34.000 I would recommend a driver and not drive drunk with a Tesla.

03:04:39.000 But I would say that if you're going to drive a car sober, this is what you need in your life, Shane Killis. 0.99

03:04:45.000 You need a goddamn Mustang. 0.99

03:04:46.000 Oh, he's got a helmet on. 1.00

03:04:47.000 A real one.

03:04:47.000 Look at that.

03:04:48.000 He has to.

03:04:49.000 That thing goes zero to 60 in three seconds. 0.99

03:04:50.000 It's a retarded guy drive. 1.00

03:04:52.000 That's a preposterously fast vehicle, and it's fun. 0.83

03:04:56.000 It's fun.

03:04:57.000 I don't like new cars. 1.00

03:04:58.000 The thing you drive is boring as fuck. 1.00

03:04:59.000 New cars are boring. 1.00

03:05:00.000 Click on that silver with the black stripes and the right-hand corner.

03:05:03.000 Yeah, look at that.

03:05:05.000 Yeah, it's like a woman. 0.98

03:05:07.000 Imagine pulling up to that every day, Shane Gillis, instead of that bullshit economical vehicle that you have while you're pretending you're not killing it on the road. 0.97

03:05:14.000 Yeah. 0.83

03:05:14.000 Get yourself a real American vehicle. 0.83

03:05:18.000 There you go.

03:05:19.000 You pretend.

03:05:20.000 That's funny.

03:05:21.000 What are you guys throwing money at each other?

03:05:22.000 How dare you, dude.

03:05:23.000 That's a Mike Tyson jacket label.

03:05:27.000 You're sober as a bird, dude. 1.00

03:05:29.000 You're a coward. 1.00

03:05:30.000 Look at the bro. 1.00

03:05:33.000 Ari's having our crumb dreams. 0.96

03:05:35.000 That's what a bro does.

03:05:36.000 He's like a blues musician.

03:05:37.000 You're on heroin. 0.99

03:05:38.000 This is bleeding gums anal over here. 0.99

03:05:41.000 Have you ever been around a guy on heroin before? 0.99

03:05:43.000 My sister was addicted to heroin. 1.00

03:05:45.000 Oh, no.

03:05:46.000 Really?

03:05:47.000 Yeah.

03:05:47.000 What was that like?

03:05:48.000 Real bummer.

03:05:51.000 Really?

03:05:52.000 Is she clean now?

03:05:53.000 Does she put out?

03:05:54.000 Yo, definitely.

03:05:55.000 She's doing heroin. 1.00

03:05:56.000 Yeah, I guess the alleyway.

03:05:58.000 But for real, she also had cancer and heroin. 1.00

03:06:02.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

03:06:03.000 Jesus. 1.00

03:06:04.000 Beat both. 1.00

03:06:05.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

03:06:06.000 Shout out. 1.00

03:06:06.000 The Gillis peasant jeans. 1.00

03:06:08.000 Yo.

03:06:08.000 Those strong peasant jeans.

03:06:09.000 That peasant jeans, dude.

03:06:11.000 That's what it is, man.

03:06:11.000 That's real.

03:06:11.000 She's like, nothing can kill us.

03:06:12.000 They survived the plague.

03:06:13.000 That's why they're here.

03:06:14.000 Beat heroin and cancer.

03:06:16.000 And COVID. All three at the same time, bro.

03:06:20.000 Oh my god.

03:06:21.000 Nothing. 1.00

03:06:22.000 Holy shit. 1.00

03:06:23.000 Nothing to a monster, dude. 0.99

03:06:25.000 Isn't that funny?

03:06:26.000 Some people are just more sturdy.

03:06:27.000 You got that right.

03:06:29.000 I mean, it's just genes.

03:06:31.000 It's genetic.

03:06:31.000 It's all genetic.

03:06:32.000 For some people, for sure.

03:06:33.000 They can just get through stuff.

03:06:37.000 Isn't it crazy to think about, back in the old days, people just died.

03:06:41.000 Most people just died.

03:06:42.000 You had to be strong.

03:06:44.000 Well, think about how many people are alive today.

03:06:46.000 People have been around for a long time.

03:06:47.000 Think about how long it took us to get so safe.

03:06:50.000 Yeah.

03:06:50.000 Are you going to puke, Ari?

03:06:52.000 No.

03:06:54.000 Don't let him hit you with things.

03:06:55.000 And don't retaliate either, because your hand-eye coordination is going to be blocked by my headphones.

03:06:59.000 Please, please, please.

03:07:00.000 Sorry.

03:07:01.000 By the way, for real, cancer, COVID, and heroin.

03:07:03.000 Good for her.

03:07:04.000 Peace.

03:07:05.000 Praise Allah.

03:07:07.000 Insahu Allah.

03:07:09.000 Sounds like Ari trying to order. 1.00

03:07:11.000 Ari's watching that Hitler video play out in his head.

03:07:14.000 What? 1.00

03:07:14.000 Fuck! 1.00

03:07:15.000 Fuck! 1.00

03:07:16.000 Yes, you've got to stand up for your people, man. 1.00

03:07:19.000 We're going to play another Hitler video. 0.81

03:07:21.000 Jamie, find him.

03:07:22.000 No, what about now?

03:07:23.000 I just want to see one.

03:07:25.000 I feel like we watched one of Kinnison's early videos.

03:07:29.000 I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:07:29.000 You gotta see the one where he's on HBO. I've never seen Mal.

03:07:33.000 With the...

03:07:33.000 I've never seen Mal.

03:07:34.000 The Dangerfield?

03:07:35.000 I never have either.

03:07:36.000 Okay, let's hear this one, though.

03:07:38.000 Hear this.

03:07:39.000 35 million views.

03:07:40.000 Give me it.

03:07:42.000 Give me some volume.

03:07:43.000 35 million views.

03:07:44.000 Listen to this.

03:07:49.000 If you look at the way he's moving his hands and clenching his fists...

03:07:55.000 The passion.

03:07:56.000 I mean, undeniably evil dude. 0.97

03:07:59.000 That guy was sick of you. 1.00

03:08:01.000 But the fucking energy. 1.00

03:08:03.000 That guy was done with you guys, dude. 1.00

03:08:04.000 The energy in his words.

03:08:06.000 Now let's see Mal.

03:08:07.000 Let's see Mal talk.

03:08:08.000 Yeah, I don't know much about Mal.

03:08:09.000 What?

03:08:11.000 You know what's funny about Mal?

03:08:12.000 Are there videos of Mal?

03:08:13.000 There's one part.

03:08:13.000 Well, Mal's the death.

03:08:15.000 There can't be videos of Mal.

03:08:17.000 The death numbers under Mal are like 50 million.

03:08:21.000 What did Mal do?

03:08:21.000 Wait a minute.

03:08:22.000 What year are we talking about?

03:08:24.000 I don't know what Mal does.

03:08:26.000 There's no videos of Mal?

03:08:27.000 Yeah, they are.

03:08:28.000 Really?

03:08:28.000 Yeah, dude.

03:08:29.000 He was post-World War II. What?

03:08:32.000 World War II. He was post-World War II. If Ari dies, can I have his shoes?

03:08:42.000 Yeah, he's hurting.

03:08:43.000 Yeah, this is what happens, dawg. 1.00

03:08:45.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

03:08:47.000 Shane keeps drinking. 1.00

03:08:48.000 This is what happens, player.

03:08:50.000 Oh, he's done.

03:08:50.000 He's done.

03:08:51.000 Ari. 1.00

03:08:51.000 Oh, shit, he's down. 1.00

03:08:52.000 If you're gonna throw up, please leave the room. 1.00

03:08:54.000 Now, puke in the cooler. 0.98

03:08:55.000 Wow.

03:08:56.000 Puke in the cooler, boy.

03:08:57.000 Cue Hawk down. 1.00

03:08:58.000 Holy shit, he's done. 0.99

03:09:00.000 Hey, we gotta keep an eye on him. 1.00

03:09:02.000 What if he dies?

03:09:03.000 Will you feel bad?

03:09:04.000 Yeah, of course.

03:09:06.000 You can't die of alcohol poisoning for Bud Light.

03:09:09.000 Jamie's hilarious.

03:09:09.000 Jamie's like, give me some water.

03:09:10.000 Give him some water.

03:09:11.000 That's not going to help at this point.

03:09:12.000 Nah, he's done.

03:09:14.000 Oh, here's Mal.

03:09:14.000 Here's Mal.

03:09:15.000 Listen.

03:09:18.000 What's he saying?

03:09:20.000 That's bullshit. 1.00

03:09:20.000 Oh, what is this? 1.00

03:09:21.000 Didi Garofalo?

03:09:27.000 Let me hear. 1.00

03:09:29.000 I do look like a fucking... 1.00

03:09:30.000 Oh, he bombed. 1.00

03:09:31.000 Nah, he's trapped.

03:09:32.000 Back it up again and give me some volume so I can hear Mao at his finest.

03:09:36.000 Yeah, hold on.

03:09:38.000 Let me get these two for the next.

03:09:40.000 He's already cleared them out. 0.81

03:09:42.000 Yeah, are you going to puke in there?

03:09:43.000 It's coming any second. 0.60

03:09:44.000 Where's Mao?

03:09:45.000 I don't know, Ari's going to puke. 1.00

03:09:46.000 That's a big crowd there.

03:09:48.000 Ari! 1.00

03:09:49.000 Uh-oh, Ari's done. 1.00

03:09:54.000 He might puke.

03:09:54.000 No, no, no, really.

03:09:55.000 Don't throw up in here.

03:09:57.000 Don't puke in here, Ari. 1.00

03:10:05.000 Oh, let's get him an IV! Jesus, Ari. 0.90

03:10:09.000 Ari, some guys can't handle their bloodlines.

03:10:12.000 Ari, I would say that I'm disappointed in you, but I'm not.

03:10:15.000 This is exactly what I expected. 1.00

03:10:16.000 That was an honorable fucking death. 1.00

03:10:18.000 Yeah, like Mao. 0.99

03:10:19.000 You're like one of those guys that fought Tyson in the 80s, Ari.

03:10:24.000 Yes!

03:10:25.000 You gave a value to Bruce Seldon.

03:10:27.000 You thought you had a shot!

03:10:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:10:29.000 And then you saw him and you're like, fuck! 1.00

03:10:31.000 But the Bud Lights were spanks. 1.00

03:10:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:10:35.000 Yes!

03:10:37.000 Well, no, the Bud Lights were Tyson, really, right?

03:10:39.000 The Bud Lights took him out.

03:10:40.000 Hold on.

03:10:40.000 Let me get a picture.

03:10:41.000 Let me get this dude.

03:10:42.000 Yeah.

03:10:43.000 This is probably his worst defeat ever.

03:10:47.000 Losing to me in Sober October was a given.

03:10:49.000 That was going to happen. 1.00

03:10:50.000 Damn. 0.99

03:10:51.000 But losing to you in a drinking challenge, I think for whatever weird delusion, he thought through sheer will he could power down enough Bud Lights to keep up with you. 1.00

03:11:01.000 Plus weed, plus some whiskey. 1.00

03:11:03.000 He's fucked. 0.99

03:11:03.000 Yeah, but it's very little whiskey. 0.99

03:11:04.000 But look at how calm Shane is.

03:11:07.000 This is the most shocking thing about all of it.

03:11:08.000 It puts it in perspective as he cracks open a new one.

03:11:12.000 He can still talk.

03:11:14.000 Shane, what do you think we should do about Ukraine?

03:11:17.000 You know what?

03:11:18.000 I think we should keep sending them billions and billions of dollars.

03:11:23.000 Meanwhile, the grass...

03:11:25.000 Oh, man, he's throwing up!

03:11:27.000 Oh! 0.60

03:11:28.000 Is he puking?

03:11:29.000 Oh! 0.75

03:11:32.000 Mad Mal disease. 1.00

03:11:35.000 Damn. 1.00

03:11:36.000 What a podcast. 1.00

03:11:38.000 That's a lot of latkes. 1.00

03:11:40.000 Make sure you keep it in the bucket, okay, Paul?

03:11:42.000 We call him Dr. Dreidel.

03:11:45.000 I got some paper towels. 1.00

03:11:47.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

03:11:48.000 I'm going to pull it by your left shoulder. 1.00

03:11:53.000 That's a lot of...

03:11:55.000 This brings me back to the old Fear Factor days, kids.

03:11:58.000 Not bacon.

03:11:59.000 What a podcast.

03:12:01.000 I've been here before.

03:12:02.000 I've seen more people puke than 99% of the population. 1.00

03:12:06.000 Oh, poor bastard. 1.00

03:12:07.000 Oh, that's a lot of yak. 1.00

03:12:11.000 Hip-hop hooray. 1.00

03:12:12.000 Damn, that made me want to puke. 0.99

03:12:14.000 Is the door still open from before? 0.99

03:12:16.000 I just opened it up, yeah.

03:12:16.000 You opened it for the smell?

03:12:18.000 Well, it is 440, and we have been at this for a while.

03:12:22.000 Have we?

03:12:24.000 Not a man of Shevitz. 0.99

03:12:25.000 You want to keep going? 0.94

03:12:28.000 I think we should keep going while he pukes. 0.51

03:12:30.000 We got a lot to talk about. 1.00

03:12:32.000 You son of a bitch with your chin strap. 1.00

03:12:34.000 I like how you're Attel-ing it. 1.00

03:12:35.000 You're Attel-ing it through the entire show. 0.99

03:12:38.000 Attel still wears that motherfucker around his chin. 1.00

03:12:40.000 Really? 1.00

03:12:41.000 Occasionally I see photos on his Instagram.

03:12:43.000 Everybody else is maskless and he's got a chin strap on. 0.99

03:12:46.000 Damn, well, you know, he's getting up there. 0.99

03:12:47.000 I think he wants to be respectful. 0.99

03:12:49.000 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

03:12:51.000 He's such a nice guy.

03:12:52.000 Great guy.

03:12:53.000 He did it the other night on stage, and I was like, I think he's doing it as like a joke.

03:12:58.000 Oh, like he pulls it down?

03:12:59.000 He always says, I'm going to raw dog this.

03:13:01.000 And it kills.

03:13:03.000 That's hilarious.

03:13:04.000 I don't want to give away his act. 1.00

03:13:05.000 You already did, bitch. 1.00

03:13:06.000 Ah, shit. 1.00

03:13:07.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

03:13:08.000 He's the funniest guy I saw. 1.00

03:13:10.000 I don't know if I've told this story.

03:13:11.000 Funniest thing I ever saw a tell do.

03:13:13.000 We're at the cellar.

03:13:14.000 There's these two Hispanic women in the front row. 1.00

03:13:16.000 They're not laughing.

03:13:17.000 And everybody's warning everybody else, like, watch out.

03:13:20.000 These two women are going to stone face you. 1.00

03:13:22.000 Whatever.

03:13:22.000 Nobody tells a tell.

03:13:23.000 He puts a cigarette out.

03:13:24.000 He runs on stage and he goes, oh, what happened, ladies?

03:13:27.000 Did Selena die again?

03:13:30.000 They lost it.

03:13:31.000 The crowd lost it.

03:13:32.000 The comics lost it.

03:13:33.000 It was a beautiful moment.

03:13:35.000 There he is.

03:13:36.000 He's one of the best ever, man.

03:13:38.000 He's like one of those hidden treasures, right?

03:13:42.000 He is. 0.98

03:13:42.000 Because I think we sing his praises as much as possible, but I don't think the general public is truly aware of how goddamn good he is. 0.98

03:13:50.000 Agreed. 0.82

03:13:51.000 He's one of the best of all time, right?

03:13:53.000 Oh, funniest guy on the planet.

03:13:55.000 He's so good.

03:13:56.000 On stage, off stage.

03:13:57.000 Especially at the cellar where he'll just roast you if you're just walking around.

03:14:03.000 Also loved by everybody.

03:14:04.000 He saw me one night going to the bathroom, walking out, and he was like, Shane must have had a good set.

03:14:12.000 He's still hanging out. 1.00

03:14:13.000 I was like, oh, this motherfucker. 1.00

03:14:16.000 Yeah, he gets you. 1.00

03:14:17.000 Ari is trying to contribute while his face is in his own puke.

03:14:20.000 Whatever. 0.77

03:14:21.000 Whatever he says.

03:14:23.000 I wish I could see him. 1.00

03:14:25.000 Fuck off. 1.00

03:14:25.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

03:14:26.000 Fuck off. 1.00

03:14:27.000 All right. 1.00

03:14:28.000 Can we get Ari some metal? 1.00

03:14:29.000 It's basically 5 p.m., and I think you guys need to try to attempt something with this gentleman before the Kill Tony tonight, which is only in a few hours.

03:14:39.000 I don't know what we're going to be able to do to help him.

03:14:41.000 Yeah.

03:14:42.000 Maybe get some food in the boy.

03:14:44.000 Food is good.

03:14:45.000 Food.

03:14:46.000 Okay.

03:14:48.000 What are your upcoming dates?

03:14:53.000 Where are you at?

03:14:54.000 I'm in Australia in August.

03:14:58.000 Australia.

03:14:59.000 Are you worried they're going to hold you as a prisoner?

03:15:01.000 Because of your thoughts on COVID? Maybe.

03:15:05.000 They're actually the gayest. 1.00

03:15:08.000 I don't think it's a gay. 1.00

03:15:10.000 I think it's authoritarian. 0.99

03:15:13.000 Yeah, but that authoritarianism is gay. 0.99

03:15:15.000 Yeah, like Dom. 0.99

03:15:17.000 Submissive.

03:15:18.000 Tom Herrera.

03:15:19.000 Tom Herrera! 1.00

03:15:21.000 Oh, he's still throwing up in the goddamn cooler. 1.00

03:15:25.000 ShaneGillis.com? 1.00

03:15:26.000 Still yakking?

03:15:27.000 Yeah.

03:15:29.000 ShaneGillis.com?

03:15:30.000 Some guys can't do it.

03:15:32.000 ShaneMGillis.com?

03:15:33.000 What's a count, though?

03:15:35.000 What's a count, though? 1.00

03:15:37.000 Shut the fuck up, Ari. 1.00

03:15:39.000 You can't drink any more beer. 1.00

03:15:41.000 How many of those are yours, Jamie? 0.97

03:15:43.000 He's got a bottle of piss and a bucket of puke. 0.99

03:15:47.000 Shane, bottle of piss, bucket of puke. 0.99

03:15:50.000 That's how we end this. 0.99

03:15:51.000 Mark Norman, where are you going to be?

03:15:52.000 Hey, hey, I'm all over the road.

03:15:54.000 Irvine Improv.

03:15:56.000 MarkNormanComedy.com.

03:15:57.000 We might be drunk.

03:15:58.000 Tuesdays with stories.

03:15:59.000 We're all over the road.

03:16:00.000 Check it out.

03:16:01.000 I'm gay. 0.97

03:16:01.000 Selling baby formally after the show. 0.97

03:16:03.000 You're a great follow on Instagram as well.

03:16:06.000 Oh, thank you, man.

03:16:06.000 Very funny follow on Instagram.

03:16:08.000 A lot of clips.

03:16:09.000 Don't be mean about the baby.

03:16:11.000 Is he throwing up again?

03:16:12.000 Yeah.

03:16:13.000 It's a big one.

03:16:14.000 We're going hard.

03:16:15.000 I believe it's ari-shafir.com.

03:16:18.000 He's special.

03:16:19.000 He just finished filming.

03:16:20.000 Yes.

03:16:20.000 I heard it went great.

03:16:21.000 I heard it went better than the amount of puke that just came out of his fucking mouth. 1.00

03:16:24.000 I can smell the yak! 1.00

03:16:25.000 Yeah, I smell it too.

03:16:27.000 I did warn him, though.

03:16:29.000 Did I not warn him that he was going to throw up?

03:16:30.000 I told him he was going to throw up, though, right?

03:16:32.000 I'm like, if you're going to throw up, let me know.

03:16:33.000 He didn't.

03:16:34.000 I saw it coming about an hour ago.

03:16:35.000 Jamie, thank God you're on the ball, because imagine if that bucket was not there.

03:16:38.000 Well, he didn't use the bucket.

03:16:39.000 He used the cooler.

03:16:40.000 The cooler, whatever, bucket.

03:16:42.000 I tried.

03:16:43.000 Okay, I just heard another...

03:16:44.000 Oh my...

03:16:46.000 For real, though.

03:16:48.000 July 1st, I'll be at the MGM Grand Garden Casino with Hans Kim, Brian Simpson, and Tony Hinchcliffe.

03:16:58.000 I love Simpson.

03:16:59.000 That should be real fun.

03:17:00.000 JoeRogan.com.

03:17:01.000 Fully loaded, too.

03:17:02.000 Fully loaded.

03:17:04.000 I am happy to...

03:17:06.000 A lot of guys were talking like, oh, that's just Bud Light.

03:17:09.000 Anybody can do it.

03:17:10.000 Turns out...

03:17:12.000 It's a little harder than it looks.

03:17:14.000 It's a good point.

03:17:15.000 You gave the boy a thrashing.

03:17:16.000 A sound thrashing.

03:17:18.000 It's just water, man.

03:17:19.000 It's all water.

03:17:19.000 The amazing thing is how you've maintained your composure.

03:17:23.000 I'm probably more composed now.

03:17:24.000 Earlier I was a little silent.

03:17:26.000 Yeah, you're more yourself with a couple of BLs.

03:17:30.000 You're an impressive creature.

03:17:32.000 That's it.

03:17:32.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Protect Our Parks 4 is in the books.

03:17:36.000 Where are the shirts?

03:17:37.000 Yeah, we've got to get a make soon.

03:17:41.000 Seriously, one of the most fun things I ever do.

03:17:43.000 I love it.

03:17:44.000 Thanks for having us.

03:17:45.000 I love you guys.

03:17:46.000 I love you too, Ari.

03:17:47.000 Good luck, Ari.

03:17:49.000 Ari's dead. 0.73

03:17:50.000 Ari, you want to say goodbye to everybody? 1.00

03:17:52.000 Hey, how'd that park go that you protected, you dumbass? 1.00

03:17:55.000 That's it. 1.00

03:17:56.000 Wrap it up.

03:17:57.000 Close on that.

03:17:58.000 Good night.

03:17:59.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 21, 2022

Joe Rogan Experience #1834 - Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand

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