The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #250 - Joey "CoCo" Diaz

00:00:03.000 Hey everybody, the fuck is going on? 0.99

00:00:07.000 Joe Diaz, what are you doing over there? 1.00

00:00:08.000 What's happening, baby?

00:00:09.000 What's up, baby?

00:00:10.000 The Joe Logan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com.

00:00:14.000 It's O-N-N-I-T, makers of Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune. 0.99

00:00:20.000 I say this the same way every day.

00:00:22.000 I know. 1.00

00:00:22.000 There's really no way around that, you fucks. 1.00

00:00:24.000 Try it. 0.99

00:00:25.000 Mix it up.

00:00:25.000 Just be like, I'm trying.

00:00:25.000 Hey, guys, go to Onnit.com.

00:00:27.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T. 1.00

00:00:29.000 Search around.

00:00:30.000 Yeah, use the code name Rogan. 0.99

00:00:31.000 Get yourself some fucking Alpha Brain. 0.99

00:00:32.000 Oh, I didn't take mine yet. 1.00

00:00:34.000 I gotta tell you.

00:00:34.000 It's over here.

00:00:35.000 Wouldn't you, like, remember to take yours if you're on Alphabet?

00:00:40.000 No.

00:00:41.000 Not if you have kids.

00:00:42.000 Oh, that's true.

00:00:43.000 I'm constantly distracted.

00:00:46.000 It's great, but constantly distracting.

00:00:47.000 Your place is very...

00:00:49.000 Like, I'm playful. 1.00

00:00:51.000 Like, the whole atmosphere of your house has become what used to be devil's asshole to fucking Alice in Wonderland. 0.99

00:00:59.000 It's amazing. 1.00

00:01:00.000 Devil's asshole, that's funny. 0.99

00:01:02.000 Well, I used to, especially when I lived by myself, I had all, like, crazy Asian art in my house. 1.00

00:01:09.000 It's like, most of my house is like... 0.99

00:01:11.000 Fucking piranhas. 0.99

00:01:13.000 I had piranhas for a while. 1.00

00:01:14.000 I had piranhas for a while. 1.00

00:01:14.000 In the fucking tank. 1.00

00:01:16.000 I'm up here Christmas. 1.00

00:01:17.000 Yeah, I forgot about that. 1.00

00:01:18.000 Looking at piranhas eating shit. 1.00

00:01:19.000 Fucking pit bulls fighting on the 4th of July. 1.00

00:01:22.000 Grab him, Joe Diaz. 1.00

00:01:24.000 Stick a finger in his ass. 1.00

00:01:25.000 Blood on the shirt. 1.00

00:01:27.000 You know.

00:01:28.000 And all of a sudden, now you walk in. 1.00

00:01:30.000 It's fucking Disneyland. 0.99

00:01:31.000 I know. 0.99

00:01:31.000 I love it. 0.99

00:01:32.000 Kids everywhere.

00:01:32.000 You're bumping into cars.

00:01:33.000 They're like, you want to make a car?

00:01:35.000 I mean, they're beautiful.

00:01:35.000 It's positive energy now.

00:01:37.000 Where it used to be like rape me. 0.99

00:01:41.000 Rape me now. 1.00

00:01:43.000 Well, listen, ladies and gentlemen, I've never claimed to be a balanced person.

00:01:48.000 Not by any stretch of the imagination.

00:01:51.000 The first time I went to the other house, I'm like, oh, can I get some in my refrigerator?

00:01:54.000 Go ahead.

00:01:56.000 Nothing.

00:01:56.000 There was old cold cuts in the bottom that hadn't been opened.

00:01:59.000 Nothing. 0.99

00:02:00.000 Well, when you lived by yourself, what the fuck was your place like? 0.99

00:02:03.000 Protein drinks. 0.99

00:02:03.000 This is when you didn't even think of a woman. 0.99

00:02:06.000 Nothing.

00:02:06.000 You lived like Charles Bronson in Hard Times.

00:02:09.000 You had a house that you only used one room and a pool table.

00:02:13.000 Everything else was wide open, you know. 0.98

00:02:15.000 And it was fucking just a blender, protein powder, and that's it. 0.99

00:02:19.000 You're hungry? 0.99

00:02:20.000 I order food.

00:02:21.000 I'm hungry.

00:02:22.000 Next thing you know, eight pizzas are showing up.

00:02:23.000 One time he came in from the Smiggly Wiggly.

00:02:26.000 Smiggly Wiggly.

00:02:27.000 Ugly Wiggly. 1.00

00:02:29.000 There was so much food, Brian.

00:02:31.000 It was four of us. 0.99

00:02:32.000 He fucking catered this thing. 0.99

00:02:34.000 He's like, eat, guys. 1.00

00:02:35.000 There was trays of food.

00:02:36.000 It's so good, though.

00:02:37.000 It's so good.

00:02:37.000 Have you never been to Huggly Wugglies, Brian?

00:02:39.000 Yeah.

00:02:40.000 I've been to Piggly Wigglies.

00:02:42.000 You've been there with me?

00:02:43.000 No?

00:02:43.000 Huggly Wugglies with you?

00:02:44.000 No.

00:02:45.000 Actually, I'm talking about Piggly Wiggly.

00:02:47.000 Huggly Wugglies is the barbecue place in Van Nuys.

00:02:50.000 Oh, no, I haven't. 0.99

00:02:51.000 Down the block from the sleaziest fucking strip club. 1.00

00:02:54.000 You get herpes at the door, dog. 1.00

00:02:56.000 Where I went with Phil Hartman.

00:02:58.000 Really?

00:02:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:03:00.000 Phil Hartman, man, the way he would look at pussy was like he was looking at a beautiful flower. 1.00

00:03:05.000 Like a girl had a beautiful flower that she was showing him. 1.00

00:03:08.000 And very childlike.

00:03:09.000 As if a young girl had a beautiful flower.

00:03:11.000 Like it wasn't even dirty. 1.00

00:03:13.000 The girl was like, she had her asshole on his face, and he had this big smile on his face. 1.00

00:03:17.000 He was high as fuck. 1.00

00:03:18.000 And I'll never forget that he's like, that is beautiful. 1.00

00:03:21.000 He goes, that is beautiful.

00:03:23.000 That is beautiful.

00:03:23.000 It was just so earnest and so, like, appreciative, and I swear it wasn't even remotely creepy.

00:03:31.000 It was nice. 0.52

00:03:32.000 He was looking at this dirty stripper, and he was so high and so in tune that he was just being really nice to her about it. 0.84

00:03:40.000 He was really happy, like, that's beautiful, that's beautiful. 0.79

00:03:43.000 Like, he wasn't creepy at all.

00:03:45.000 It was like if you were a woman in a strip club and you met him in that situation, you would have a good...

00:03:51.000 That was an enjoyable conversation for her.

00:03:53.000 There wasn't anything creepy or dirty about it.

00:03:56.000 You would want to go out and buy some battle ropes after watching this and getting out of this commercial.

00:04:01.000 Are you trying to do this commercial soon?

00:04:02.000 No.

00:04:03.000 That's the way our commercials always work.

00:04:06.000 Our commercials always work like this.

00:04:08.000 Yesterday our commercial was 17 minutes long.

00:04:12.000 That's part of the show.

00:04:14.000 This is part of the show.

00:04:15.000 People still get this.

00:04:16.000 They still get it on iTunes.

00:04:17.000 Yeah, I know.

00:04:18.000 Yeah.

00:04:18.000 It's so nice to have it on Sirius.

00:04:20.000 It is.

00:04:20.000 It's on Sirius.

00:04:21.000 Most of it's on Sirius.

00:04:22.000 I've been listening to a lot.

00:04:23.000 This part ain't. 1.00

00:04:23.000 This part ain't, bitch! 1.00

00:04:24.000 You see, you iTunes people, you Ustream people, this is on you. 0.99

00:04:27.000 You know, I don't want to say who I was listening to because I found out that...

00:04:31.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. I don't want to say who I was listening to, but I found out my new car has Sirius Radio. 1.00

00:04:38.000 And so I've been listening to this one person.

00:04:41.000 I don't get Opie and Anthony.

00:04:42.000 So I've been listening to this other channel.

00:04:44.000 And I'm sitting there going, you know what?

00:04:45.000 What we produce is so much more entertaining, I think.

00:04:50.000 And like our friends, like Ari Shafir and Tom Segura, what they produce...

00:04:54.000 Duncan, say it.

00:04:55.000 Say it.

00:04:56.000 No way.

00:04:56.000 Say it.

00:04:57.000 No way.

00:04:59.000 So, okay, Duncan even. 0.99

00:05:03.000 But all the things that we produce are so much more entertaining than fucking... 0.99

00:05:07.000 To us. 0.99

00:05:08.000 To us.

00:05:08.000 Well, I don't know, man.

00:05:09.000 This is a very specific vibe. 0.99

00:05:12.000 It's really interesting to me what's going on with some of these radio shows is because it's just the same shit every fucking day and they're just... 0.99

00:05:20.000 It's like a soap opera of people screaming at each other. 0.99

00:05:22.000 Let's get through this commercial.

00:05:23.000 This is kind of a good thing to talk about.

00:05:24.000 I know exactly what you're saying.

00:05:28.000 Whatever. 1.00

00:05:28.000 Go to Onik.com and check out some shit. 1.00

00:05:31.000 What are alpha brain? 1.00

00:05:33.000 Alpha brain is a nootropic.

00:05:34.000 And what nootropics are is a very controversial field of vitamins and nutrients being able to enhance brain function.

00:05:42.000 There is some evidence.

00:05:43.000 There's a very detailed website on honor.com where it goes over all of the different scientific aspects of each individual ingredient.

00:05:54.000 Like I said, it is a controversial thing.

00:05:56.000 It gets a lot of people up in arms.

00:05:58.000 But I firmly believe in nutrition, and I firmly believe in supplementing nutrition.

00:06:03.000 And I know it's aided me, and I know AlphaBrain does.

00:06:06.000 Most certainly aids me.

00:06:07.000 I absolutely enjoy the effects.

00:06:09.000 It's not a placebo by any stretch of the imagination.

00:06:12.000 And to make sure that people don't think it is, the way we have it set up is if you order 30 pills, you get a 100% money back guarantee.

00:06:18.000 You don't even have to return the product.

00:06:20.000 You just say, it sucked, give me my money back, it's over.

00:06:24.000 We just don't want anybody to feel ripped off.

00:06:27.000 So that's how we have it set up.

00:06:28.000 We also have Justin battle ropes and kettlebells.

00:06:33.000 We're starting to sell fitness equipment. 1.00

00:06:34.000 All the shit that I use. 0.99

00:06:36.000 All the shit that is really the kind of stuff that you see MMA fighters use. 1.00

00:06:41.000 Strength and conditioning videos. 0.99

00:06:43.000 Body weight.

00:06:44.000 Full body exercise.

00:06:47.000 Movements like clean and press and Hindu squats and chin-ups and things where you move your body around plus weight.

00:06:55.000 You know, these Turkish get-ups. 1.00

00:06:57.000 These things are amazing for your core strength.

00:07:00.000 It's just what kettle balls are, it's basically like a cannonball with a handle on it.

00:07:04.000 One of the coolest exercises is you just lying down on your back and standing up with that thing and then bringing it down to your back and then standing up with it again. 0.98

00:07:14.000 It is fucking hard. 0.99

00:07:16.000 Try doing that shit with a 70-pound kettlebell. 1.00

00:07:18.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:07:19.000 To balance that bitch out, straighten your arm out. 1.00

00:07:22.000 You engage muscles in a way that you almost never do by traditional weightlifting. 0.98

00:07:28.000 It's really a weird type of working out, and I enjoy it.

00:07:32.000 It's my favorite strength and conditioning exercise as far as applicable strength for jiu-jitsu and for anything athletic.

00:07:42.000 Anything where you have to move things around when you have a body that's used to moving it around, itself around, plus weight in really awkward ways, you develop a very strong body.

00:07:51.000 And there's a lot of videos online.

00:07:53.000 We have summitonit.com.

00:07:54.000 We're going to produce some videos and take you guys through a really good strength and conditioning workout.

00:08:00.000 I think that would be a great thing for us to do, too.

00:08:03.000 Just so you can get a sense of, like, what kind of benefits you can get from it.

00:08:06.000 Especially if you see some of these, like, really fit dudes that are, you know, like these, like, Steve Maxwell-type dudes that have been doing it their whole lives that are in there.

00:08:14.000 Yeah, Maxwell, I think, is, like, close to 60. And he looks fucking phenomenal. 0.95

00:08:19.000 And he's a big advocate of kettlebells. 0.91

00:08:22.000 Battle ropes, what these are, you might have seen them, Brock Lesnar use them in one of the countdown shows.

00:08:27.000 They're these giant ropes that you would tie a ship down with.

00:08:31.000 They're like 40 feet long.

00:08:32.000 And they have these capped ends. 0.99

00:08:35.000 And you grab a hold of them and you whip these motherfuckers through the air. 0.99

00:08:38.000 And you can do these different... 0.99

00:08:41.000 Sequences of movements, like in sprints. 0.99

00:08:43.000 You do them for like sprints of 30 seconds, and then you relax for 20 seconds, and then sprints of 30 seconds, and holy fuck, is it brutal. 0.99

00:08:51.000 I mean, it is some old school caveman type shit throwing ropes around, man. 0.99

00:08:56.000 And when you throw ropes around, it's a real wild thing, man. 0.99

00:09:01.000 Everything's working kind of together, but it's all like one big unit. 0.90

00:09:07.000 Your whole body whipping these ropes, and they're all unbalanced and shit, and you're correcting for them all the time, and moving them, and whipping them left, and whipping them right. 0.99

00:09:16.000 It's fucking wild, man. 1.00

00:09:18.000 It burns you out quick! 0.99

00:09:20.000 Like, you would think, I could probably do that for half an hour. 1.00

00:09:22.000 The fuck you can. 1.00

00:09:23.000 The fuck you can. 1.00

00:09:24.000 30 seconds into doing that shit, you want to die. 1.00

00:09:27.000 It's amazing. 1.00

00:09:28.000 It's a great workout. 1.00

00:09:30.000 So, go check all that shit out. 0.99

00:09:31.000 Use the code name ROGAN. You get 10% off of any of the supplements, including Hemp Force, which just gets released today. 0.99

00:09:39.000 today the most fucking delicious hemp protein you've ever tasted in your life this is the top level shit it's all natural and it's even naturally sweet and it's sweetened with stevia raw cocoa and super nutritious this stuff is phenomenal for you and uh it's fucking expensive i'm gonna be honest with you um it's it's expensive to make it's expensive to get but it's the shit Well, it's because of the hemp. 0.97

00:10:05.000 The hemp farms, there's only like three farms in Canada. 0.99

00:10:08.000 Because our country's fucking retarded when it comes to certain plants, hemp is illegal. 1.00

00:10:15.000 Even though hemp is not psychoactive, you can't get high from it. 1.00

00:10:19.000 Hemp is illegal.

00:10:21.000 Well, hemp is a tremendous source of protein.

00:10:23.000 And even though we're allowed to buy hemp products in this country, like hemp protein, which we import from Canada, even though you're allowed to buy it, you can't grow it here. 0.99

00:10:33.000 So it's really stupid. 0.95

00:10:36.000 The farms have limited production, they can't keep up with the demand, and we can't do anything about it. 0.99

00:10:43.000 It's not like we just pay some American farmers to start growing hemp here and put people, put American workers, you know, to work.

00:10:50.000 That's like a Mitt Romney type thing.

00:10:52.000 You know? 1.00

00:10:53.000 We need hemp farms, you fucking twats. 1.00

00:10:57.000 Anyway, go get some hemp for us. 1.00

00:10:59.000 It's fucking delicious. 0.99

00:11:00.000 It is really the best tasting hemp protein shit I've ever had. 1.00

00:11:05.000 It's hemp with this stevia to it, and it's really delicious. 0.98

00:11:09.000 Use the codename Rogan, and you can save 10% off if it's not as bad, but it ain't cheap. 0.98

00:11:13.000 But that's life, bitches. 1.00

00:11:15.000 Expensive shit is expensive. 1.00

00:11:17.000 Joey Diaz is here. 1.00

00:11:19.000 Tighten the fuck up. 0.96

00:11:20.000 Strap it down.

00:11:23.000 Joey's here.

00:11:24.000 Let's get the party started.

00:11:26.000 The Joe Rogan experience.

00:11:29.000 Train by day!

00:11:30.000 Joe Rogan podcast by night!

00:11:31.000 All day!

00:11:35.000 People behave.

00:11:38.000 People behave.

00:11:40.000 Mad Flavor is here.

00:11:41.000 What, baby?

00:11:42.000 What's going on, my brother?

00:11:44.000 I can't call it.

00:11:45.000 Getting ready for Denver this weekend. 0.99

00:11:46.000 Paramount motherfucking theater. 0.98

00:11:48.000 If you're in Cincinnati, go check out my man Duncan Trussell. 0.99

00:11:51.000 Duncan Trussell is going to be at Go Bananas in Cincinnati all weekend.

00:11:56.000 Have you never done Go Bananas?

00:11:57.000 That place is great.

00:11:58.000 That place is pretty cool.

00:11:59.000 That's great.

00:12:00.000 I did that place back in the 90s, man.

00:12:01.000 I only did it once, but I enjoyed it.

00:12:03.000 It's a real old-school comedy club. 1.00

00:12:06.000 That place is shit. 1.00

00:12:07.000 Denver Paramount Theater this weekend. 1.00

00:12:09.000 Friday night. 0.99

00:12:10.000 UFC 1 motherfucking 50. This Friday, the best show is going to be Joey Diaz, Joe Rogan, and Brendan Walsh. 0.96

00:12:18.000 That's what we just said.

00:12:20.000 No, I was just reinforcing it. 1.00

00:12:24.000 Are you talking shit about Duncan again, goddammit? 1.00

00:12:28.000 Let it go, son. 1.00

00:12:28.000 What? 1.00

00:12:29.000 Yeah, that's what you're doing by saying that's the best show to go see, not to go see the one in Cincinnati.

00:12:33.000 No, I was just reinforcing that your guys' show, in my opinion... 0.99

00:12:36.000 Is the best show in the fucking world. 0.94

00:12:38.000 I love all three of those comics and putting them together. 0.98

00:12:42.000 I love Brendan Walsh.

00:12:42.000 He's hilarious.

00:12:44.000 We just did the Bone Zone last night and that is a fun thing for me to do.

00:12:48.000 It's fun doing the Bone Zone.

00:12:51.000 That's how awesome I think.

00:12:52.000 Who did it last night with you guys?

00:12:54.000 We just do it.

00:12:55.000 We don't ever have a guest really.

00:12:57.000 Just you and him and somebody else.

00:12:58.000 Randy Litke and Davey Johnson.

00:13:00.000 Yeah, they're very funny guys.

00:13:01.000 They're very smart guys too.

00:13:02.000 They have a cool sense of humor, you know.

00:13:05.000 Brent is a very funny stand-up too.

00:13:07.000 Very funny.

00:13:07.000 I'm looking forward to this.

00:13:08.000 We're going to have a good fucking time. 1.00

00:13:09.000 Fuck yeah, I can't wait to eat some green chili and shit. 1.00

00:13:11.000 I love that stuff. 1.00

00:13:12.000 I love Denver.

00:13:13.000 I love all that stuff.

00:13:14.000 Does it feel weird to you going there right after the tragedy?

00:13:18.000 I haven't gone to see the movie yet because I don't want to sit there and go, this is what these poor ass people have seen or this is what they got scared.

00:13:26.000 I didn't even think of that angle.

00:13:29.000 I never thought about it like that.

00:13:31.000 The tragedy was a bad thing.

00:13:33.000 It was over four weeks ago.

00:13:34.000 Can you imagine that?

00:13:36.000 Something like that hitting close to home.

00:13:38.000 What do you, um, when you start, you know, seeing people that are trying to do, uh, copycat crimes now?

00:13:45.000 Like, didn't you say that someone got arrested?

00:13:47.000 Yeah, in Ohio.

00:13:48.000 In Ohio, somebody came up with, like, a knife, a gun, ammo. 0.99

00:13:51.000 Knife, fucking everything, hammers, this guy, you know. 1.00

00:13:53.000 There's crazy fucking people out there, gentlemen. 1.00

00:13:55.000 This is where the real cynical people, the really cynical, crazy conspiracy people, this is where they start thinking that the government is doing this. 1.00

00:14:04.000 And that they're doing this on purpose because they want to disarm Americans.

00:14:07.000 Because they know that everything's going to fall apart and they don't want people to have guns.

00:14:11.000 I mean, that sounds completely ridiculous, but if you were going to write a movie about how some super corrupt multinational corporations figure out a way to control the whole world, you'd probably write it like that.

00:14:25.000 You'd probably have everything wired and hooked up like that, right?

00:14:28.000 If you throw in the jab of Alex Jones, I am his witness.

00:14:31.000 In Houston at the UFC, he told me to my face that in two years, there was going to be TSA security at parks and movie theaters.

00:14:39.000 And I was right there when he told me that.

00:14:42.000 He told me that to my face, we're sitting outside of the UFC. And we're just talking about different things.

00:14:47.000 But you could say, what is it? 0.99

00:14:49.000 Is it just a natural thing that because there's a lot of crime, because there's a lot of despair, the economy's in the toilet, it's a natural thing that things pop off and crazy people do shit like this?

00:15:01.000 Or do you want to follow the conspiracy theory point where they think that they're doing this on purpose because they've engineered the collapse of the dollar, they know that the world economy is going to implode, and they don't want people to be armed? 0.85

00:15:15.000 They want to be able to maintain power.

00:15:17.000 I wasn't looking at it like that.

00:15:18.000 I'm a very cynical person.

00:15:19.000 I was looking at it as a business angle.

00:15:21.000 You know what? 1.00

00:15:22.000 Fucking shoot somebody in a movie theater. 1.00

00:15:24.000 They got to put security in 2 million thousand movie theaters across the fucking country. 1.00

00:15:28.000 The next is parks, whatever. 0.99

00:15:30.000 But then I come to my senses. 0.99

00:15:31.000 senses I wake up and I put the joint down and I go that bad things happen every fucking day. 0.93

00:15:35.000 Yeah, but you know, that's... 0.98

00:15:37.000 They don't happen here, they happen in India, they happen somewhere.

00:15:39.000 That is, though, if you were a government and you were evil and you were trying to control the people, that is what you do.

00:15:45.000 You organize attacks.

00:15:47.000 And it's been pointed out before that the American public has tried to do this.

00:15:52.000 Excuse me, the government has tried to do this.

00:15:57.000 The Operation Northwoods was written where it was an idea that they were going to fake attacks on American civilians to get us to go to war with Cuba.

00:16:04.000 They were going to blow up a jetliner and say there was people in it.

00:16:08.000 They were going to arm Cuban friendlies to attack Guantanamo Bay. 0.60

00:16:12.000 That's like a real thing that they were going to do to try to get us into a war with Cuba. 0.99

00:16:17.000 So when you find out about conspiracies, like crazy things like that, where you're like, wow, like, they would fake shit? 0.99

00:16:22.000 Like, they're allowed to fake... 0.99

00:16:24.000 Like, when that came out, that should have been a huge piece of news.

00:16:28.000 That should have been something where, you know, everyone demanded there should be hearings on this.

00:16:33.000 It should be, like, brought out in front of the public.

00:16:36.000 People should be in the streets, like, screaming about this.

00:16:39.000 Like, how is this possible?

00:16:41.000 How were they not prosecuted?

00:16:42.000 they were really going to risk American lives and have Americans killed just to further their agenda.

00:16:47.000 They were going to fake an act of war in order to get us into war because they thought they knew better than us. 1.00

00:16:52.000 But was this just one dumb fuck that just did, like, hey, this is my idea, and they're like, all right, come on, stop. 0.99

00:16:58.000 Well, it was signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff. 1.00

00:17:00.000 Thank you.

00:17:01.000 Is the Joint Chiefs of Staff, did they have a meth problem at the time and they got like new ones like the next day?

00:17:07.000 Brian, I think they used to rock it like that all the time.

00:17:10.000 That's why when, you know, these conspiracy nuts come out and they say, hey, we believe that this guy was brainwashed and someone got a hold of him and they did an experiment with him and he's like a Manchurian candidate. 0.99

00:17:22.000 It sounds fucking completely ridiculous. 0.99

00:17:24.000 It sounds completely ridiculous. 1.00

00:17:25.000 But... 0.94

00:17:26.000 If they were willing to do that other stuff, why wouldn't they be willing to do that?

00:17:31.000 If they really could do that?

00:17:32.000 Can you imagine if they figured out a way to reprogram people if it wasn't science fiction?

00:17:37.000 You don't think they would do it?

00:17:39.000 Of course they would do it! 0.85

00:17:41.000 If the government really did find some super sophisticated way where they could just say, pumpkin, to you, and you fucking snap and wire yourself up with grenades and run into a room full of important people and blow yourself up, you don't think they would do that? 0.98

00:17:55.000 Of course they would! 0.98

00:17:56.000 That's a great way to do it. 1.00

00:17:58.000 You get some idiot who's willing to do that for you and have him walk in and pull the trigger. 1.00

00:18:01.000 It's amazing. 1.00

00:18:02.000 I haven't really focused on the Colorado thing as much because it's just fucking negative. 0.99

00:18:06.000 And anything that goes into my mind, my mind as a fucking criminal, I want to know what the fuck happened. 0.99

00:18:12.000 I want to know where the system went wrong. 0.99

00:18:13.000 Now, you've heard, I've been here before, and I told you about Colorado.

00:18:17.000 We both discussed Colorado. 0.99

00:18:19.000 I've lived in New York, California, I hang out with gangsters, and the craziest motherfuckers I know are in the mountains. 0.99

00:18:25.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:18:26.000 Okay.

00:18:26.000 Now, let's just leave that.

00:18:28.000 You know, I've been reading bits and pieces like he was going to a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

00:18:32.000 I don't know.

00:18:32.000 Yeah.

00:18:33.000 Now, she alarmed somebody.

00:18:35.000 She warned somebody.

00:18:36.000 The psychotherapist?

00:18:37.000 Right.

00:18:37.000 This is what I heard.

00:18:38.000 Is this true or is this not true?

00:18:40.000 Who did she warn? 0.94

00:18:41.000 Who did she warn and why weren't these people? 1.00

00:18:44.000 Why wasn't this fucking lunatic contacted? 0.99

00:18:46.000 Then the other side of me says, I understand. 1.00

00:18:48.000 We can't react to every fucking call to police. 0.99

00:18:51.000 There's a guy up here waving a gun. 1.00

00:18:53.000 Is he hurting anybody?

00:18:54.000 No, we cannot respond to every call because of the budgets and whatever.

00:18:59.000 So who dropped this? 0.99

00:19:01.000 This is a kid that bought thousands of rounds of ammunition at a local fucking place. 0.99

00:19:06.000 The guns are all legit. 1.00

00:19:07.000 Like I told you, in Colorado, bro, you can buy a fucking bazooka. 1.00

00:19:11.000 Hey, Brian, does your dog eat cat shit? 1.00

00:19:14.000 Get her out of there. 1.00

00:19:15.000 She's in my fucking cat's litter box. 1.00

00:19:17.000 Get her, get her, get her. 1.00

00:19:19.000 Jesus Christ, dude.

00:19:20.000 No, she's out. 0.98

00:19:21.000 This is what fucks with me a little bit. 1.00

00:19:23.000 Shut that door, man. 1.00

00:19:24.000 This is what fucks with me. 0.99

00:19:25.000 Sorry, folks. 0.96

00:19:26.000 Sorry, folks.

00:19:26.000 This is a real show.

00:19:27.000 This is how it works. 0.98

00:19:28.000 This is what fucks with me. 0.94

00:19:30.000 Where did the system fail? 1.00

00:19:32.000 That this kid got fucking helmets and tear gas. 1.00

00:19:36.000 Where did the fucking system fail? 1.00

00:19:38.000 It failed somewhere. 1.00

00:19:39.000 And where did he get the money?

00:19:40.000 They said that the speculation was that he used his scholarship money.

00:19:44.000 Is that what it is?

00:19:44.000 Yeah.

00:19:44.000 I didn't know you could just use your scholarship money for other shit.

00:19:47.000 I thought you had to pay for school. 0.98

00:19:48.000 He would, true.

00:19:49.000 He would, true.

00:19:50.000 But when you get a scholarship, are you, like, responsible for that money?

00:19:53.000 Like, say if you got $20,000 for a scholarship, do you actually have to spend that money on the college?

00:19:59.000 Or could you, like, get a hold of it?

00:20:01.000 Well, my Gerber baby insurance that I got for myself when I was 17, I bought baby Gerber insurance.

00:20:09.000 No, but I guess the Gerber insurance...

00:20:11.000 I don't know what you did.

00:20:14.000 You apply for a college.

00:20:16.000 You get a grant.

00:20:17.000 You get a grant.

00:20:18.000 Financial aid, you got to pay back.

00:20:20.000 They'll give it to you. 1.00

00:20:21.000 Once you got one fucking loan going, they'll give you whatever the fuck you want. 1.00

00:20:24.000 They'll keep giving it to you. 1.00

00:20:25.000 Plus, I forget all the...

00:20:28.000 Pell Grant, you don't have to pay back.

00:20:30.000 That's a grant.

00:20:31.000 But all those loans, you got to pay back.

00:20:33.000 I'm going to tell you something.

00:20:34.000 You sign up for college.

00:20:35.000 Let's say your parents are not that well off.

00:20:37.000 You sign up for college, they cover the tuition, and you reach out and you can get all these grants available to you. 0.98

00:20:42.000 There's a lot of fucking money out there available to you. 0.98

00:20:44.000 Right. 0.99

00:20:45.000 Especially for what he was going to school for.

00:20:47.000 You know, especially for what he was going to school for.

00:20:50.000 This kid was a genius, wasn't he? 1.00

00:20:52.000 Psycho fucking something. 0.99

00:20:53.000 I don't even know. 1.00

00:20:53.000 A doctor. 1.00

00:20:54.000 I don't know what the fuck he was going to school for. 0.99

00:20:55.000 They give you the loot. 1.00

00:20:57.000 They give you the loot, bro.

00:21:00.000 I was taking college money when I was going to the University of Colorado and buying cars with it.

00:21:05.000 Curbing them.

00:21:06.000 Like seeing like a Volkswagen for $800.

00:21:08.000 I'd sell it for $1,200.

00:21:10.000 That's what I was doing with my financial aid money.

00:21:12.000 what you do is you sign up for 18 credits and you get money for 18 credits but right before the school season starts you cut it down to 9 and you pocket that Gitas by the time they know what the fuck is going on and they send you a letter in the mail the Gitas is gone it's at the happy hour go deal with the bartender and the coke dealer that might be the greatest word ever Geetus. 0.93

00:21:31.000 Geetus.

00:21:33.000 Yeah.

00:21:33.000 Geetus.

00:21:34.000 G-E-E-T-U-S. 0.99

00:21:36.000 Geetus.

00:21:37.000 See, I always thought it was geeturs.

00:21:39.000 Nah, geeturs is if you live in Florida and you hate alligators. 0.99

00:21:41.000 This is geetus, cocksucker. 1.00

00:21:45.000 I think I heard people call it geeturs, though. 0.99

00:21:48.000 Nah, that's on the South.

00:21:50.000 Gitas? 1.00

00:21:50.000 Gitas and shit. 1.00

00:21:52.000 That was, uh, my friend Johnny used that term. 0.99

00:21:55.000 Gitas.

00:21:55.000 Yeah, when he was talking about gambling money.

00:21:58.000 My God.

00:21:59.000 Gitas.

00:21:59.000 Gotta get that Gitas.

00:22:00.000 Gotta get that Gitas. 1.00

00:22:02.000 I feel bad for what happened in Colorado. 1.00

00:22:04.000 It was a fucked up city. 0.99

00:22:05.000 But I want to know where he got... 1.00

00:22:06.000 I want to know how he learned to light the fucking smoke screen first. 0.99

00:22:10.000 Well, he was a genius. 1.00

00:22:11.000 He could have figured that out online. 1.00

00:22:13.000 I mean, do they teach you this shit online? 1.00

00:22:14.000 I'm scared to even fucking look. 1.00

00:22:16.000 You could figure out the plans to build a nuclear bomb online. 1.00

00:22:20.000 Are you serious?

00:22:21.000 Yeah, sure.

00:22:21.000 I'm pretty positive.

00:22:23.000 Yeah.

00:22:23.000 I bet if you were smart enough, you had access to...

00:22:26.000 Wasn't there a kid who was trying to build a nuclear bomb in his backyard?

00:22:30.000 There's a million right now that are trying to do that.

00:22:32.000 But no, there was a kid who got arrested.

00:22:33.000 Yeah, but I mean, it's in the news all the time.

00:22:35.000 He was building a nuclear bomb in his backyard.

00:22:37.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:22:37.000 That sounds like horseshit. 0.99

00:22:39.000 I gotta hold on. 1.00

00:22:40.000 Nuclear bomb.

00:22:40.000 Oh, I see what you're saying.

00:22:41.000 So you can learn all this shit online, how to wire somebody's... 1.00

00:22:44.000 I mean, that thing he did at home, where he wired his house with bombs and fucking liquids and all that shit. 1.00

00:22:50.000 He learned that online. 0.99

00:22:51.000 That's what you guys are fucking trying to tell me. 0.99

00:22:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:22:54.000 Yeah, this kid fucking... 1.00

00:22:55.000 This kid was some dangerous nut, man. 1.00

00:22:59.000 He tried to build a nuclear bomb in his mom's shed. 0.97

00:23:03.000 There was a kid who really did.

00:23:04.000 Yeah, but was he, I mean, like, try.

00:23:06.000 Did he think he was trying?

00:23:08.000 Like, was he using, like, real materials or was he using, like, Cheerios?

00:23:11.000 Oh, no, no.

00:23:11.000 I see.

00:23:12.000 No, he was using real materials.

00:23:14.000 That's how they got him.

00:23:15.000 Apparently, they keep a very close eye on all the plutonium of the world.

00:23:21.000 You know, it's very hard to get.

00:23:23.000 Plutonium.

00:23:23.000 And we know whatever it is, whether it's plutonium or whatever it is that they use, that they need to make some sort of a nuclear weapon.

00:23:32.000 We know what that stuff is, supposedly.

00:23:35.000 And then we keep an eye on it.

00:23:36.000 But Jesus Christ.

00:23:38.000 Marty McFly can get it.

00:23:39.000 Anyone can get it. 1.00

00:23:40.000 If this fucking kid can make this shit in his yard, you know, I mean, what is he, that much smarter than everybody else? 1.00

00:23:46.000 The shit that fucked my world up was when the night I was watching Discovery and they showed you how to make speed on fucking Discovery. 1.00

00:23:53.000 They showed you how to make steroids, speed, and something else. 1.00

00:23:57.000 The steroid guys lived right here in Sherman Oaks or something.

00:24:00.000 that had like, you know, like outlawed things on their faces and they show how they cook them on the stove and stuff. 1.00

00:24:06.000 This is a crazy asshole. 1.00

00:24:08.000 They pulled him over. 1.00

00:24:09.000 This is the guy's name.

00:24:10.000 His name is David Hahn.

00:24:11.000 He was 17 years old.

00:24:12.000 The police pulled him over.

00:24:15.000 They found radioactive materials in the trunk of his car.

00:24:17.000 His mother's property was cleared up by the Environmental Protection Agency 10 months later as a super fun cleanup site. 0.99

00:24:24.000 This motherfucker, like really did, and he was like, he came really close. 0.99

00:24:33.000 Wow. 1.00

00:24:36.000 He made his own nuclear reactor. 1.00

00:24:38.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:24:41.000 He attained his Eagle Scout rank in the Boy Scouts shortly after his reactor was dismantled. 0.99

00:24:48.000 The Boy Scouts still let him have an Eagle Scout. 1.00

00:24:50.000 I let him run the fucking party. 1.00

00:24:53.000 He's not gay. 1.00

00:24:54.000 I give him the scout troop, whatever the leader.

00:24:56.000 His name was David Hahn.

00:24:58.000 It says, while his reactor never reached critical mass, Hahn attracted the attention of local police who found radioactive materials.

00:25:05.000 Huh.

00:25:05.000 Be careful with that chocolate bar, Joe.

00:25:07.000 So I guess he came really close.

00:25:08.000 Did you just eat that whole chocolate bar?

00:25:09.000 No.

00:25:10.000 Oh my God.

00:25:11.000 I was getting popular.

00:25:12.000 I just want to let you know, ladies and gentlemen, that's not just a regular chocolate bar Joey Diaz just participated in.

00:25:16.000 I know, that's the one that you said was the highest you've ever done a podcast. 0.93

00:25:19.000 It's the most ridiculous ever. 0.60

00:25:20.000 Was it Whammy Bar from L.A. Speedway? 0.98

00:25:22.000 It didn't, there's no, I didn't need to be talking.

00:25:25.000 There's no need for me to be talking.

00:25:27.000 I don't need to be talking.

00:25:28.000 I can just look and nod.

00:25:29.000 When you're that baked?

00:25:30.000 Oh, please.

00:25:30.000 I just nod to death.

00:25:34.000 Well, we want you to talk.

00:25:36.000 Chocolate milk.

00:25:36.000 We don't want you to go into...

00:25:37.000 Big glass of water.

00:25:38.000 You know, the essentials.

00:25:41.000 We don't want you going into the chocolate hole. 0.99

00:25:43.000 Fucking great fights this week. 0.99

00:25:44.000 Thank you for the tickets. 0.99

00:25:45.000 Unbelievable.

00:25:46.000 Amazing fights.

00:25:47.000 In a long, long time.

00:25:49.000 And I think, I was thinking about it, I think they should do just as many LA fights as they do Vegas. 0.99

00:25:54.000 Because it's really the same shit. 0.99

00:25:56.000 The same people kind of miss and go. 1.00

00:25:58.000 You know?

00:25:59.000 And it was fun.

00:26:00.000 It was positive. 0.98

00:26:02.000 The fights were fucking great. 0.98

00:26:03.000 Joe Lozon, Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:26:05.000 If I could come back and recycle myself, I'd come back as Joe Lozon.

00:26:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:26:10.000 Seriously, I love that jujitsu shit like that. 0.95

00:26:12.000 Everything he did was awesome. 0.97

00:26:14.000 And Jamie Varner was awesome too, man.

00:26:16.000 That guy's made a huge comeback.

00:26:18.000 He just didn't have enough time to get into condition for this fight, I think.

00:26:21.000 Is that what it was?

00:26:21.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:26:22.000 Yeah, I think he took it on short notice.

00:26:24.000 It's a tough fight.

00:26:25.000 Joe Lozon is one of the best.

00:26:27.000 He's a dangerous kid.

00:26:29.000 He's got a lot of tools.

00:26:30.000 One thing I love about Joe Lozon is when they match him up.

00:26:33.000 Just by who, like if they match him up against somebody who's a great striker, the better the striker, I know Joe Lozon has a better chance of winning.

00:26:40.000 This is the craziest thing.

00:26:41.000 Really?

00:26:42.000 Because if you hit him and he gets on his back, he attacks you from his back. 1.00

00:26:45.000 He don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:26:46.000 He fucked up a couple people. 1.00

00:26:47.000 Let me get Melvin Gillard too. 0.99

00:26:52.000 Melvin keeps talking, saying that Joe Lozon got lucky, but let me tell you something.

00:26:57.000 When someone wants to punch you in the face, and they do punch you in the face, that's not luck.

00:27:02.000 That's what he wanted to do, and that's what he did.

00:27:05.000 There's no lucky punches.

00:27:07.000 To say it's a lucky punch is one of the craziest things people could ever say.

00:27:11.000 When you rush in like that, like he did with his face exposed, with a good fighter, a guy is going to snap off a jab on you.

00:27:18.000 I think he probably underestimated Lowe's on striking.

00:27:21.000 You know, his striking, Melvin's striking is so good and so fast.

00:27:24.000 He's really good, yeah.

00:27:24.000 He's so fast, man.

00:27:26.000 When you watch him put combinations together, you go, God damn! 0.99

00:27:29.000 His technique is clean. 0.99

00:27:30.000 He's got a lot of power in his hands.

00:27:32.000 And I think he's just got a little overconfident. 1.00

00:27:34.000 And Lozon is not to be fucked with. 0.99

00:27:36.000 40 fights or something, isn't he? 1.00

00:27:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:37.000 He's had like 44 fights or something.

00:27:39.000 Lozon is a beast, dude.

00:27:40.000 That was an awesome fight.

00:27:41.000 He's smart.

00:27:42.000 That's the most dangerous thing about Joe Lozon, is he's smart.

00:27:45.000 And then I'm looking for...

00:27:46.000 And Anthony Pettis knocked Joe Lozon out in the first round of the fight.

00:27:50.000 And he hasn't fought since then.

00:27:51.000 I'm looking forward to seeing him fight again.

00:27:53.000 I think he got injured, though.

00:27:55.000 Pettis?

00:27:55.000 Yeah.

00:27:56.000 Yeah.

00:27:57.000 They're trying to set something up with him and Cowboy Cerrone if Cerrone gets by Gallard.

00:28:01.000 Even if he doesn't get by Gallard, it'd still be a great fight.

00:28:03.000 And my man got hurt, Kaczek is out against Ellenberger.

00:28:06.000 Yeah, he's got a disc, a bulging disc.

00:28:08.000 People are always like, why are all these fighters getting injured?

00:28:12.000 Well, they're in the business of... 0.96

00:28:14.000 Their business is getting really good at fucking people up. 0.98

00:28:17.000 That's what they're doing. 0.99

00:28:18.000 So, and the only way to get really good at fucking people up is you gotta practice fucking people up all day. 0.99

00:28:23.000 And while you're practicing fucking people up, people get fucked up. 1.00

00:28:26.000 Did you fucking... 1.00

00:28:26.000 How happy were you? 1.00

00:28:27.000 I mean, it's impartial. 0.98

00:28:29.000 I was happy as fuck, and I gave him out of respect, Mike Swick. 1.00

00:28:33.000 I gave out Mike Swick out of respect, 7-1, motherfucking three bitches! 1.00

00:28:37.000 And I'll tell you what, before that, DeMarcus looked fantastic. 1.00

00:28:39.000 Yeah, DeMarcus always brings it.

00:28:41.000 He always brings it.

00:28:41.000 Yeah, he just caught him.

00:28:42.000 He caught him perfect, man.

00:28:43.000 When he caught that leg and dropped that right hand on him, man, it was perfect placement.

00:28:48.000 He did it so fast.

00:28:49.000 Like, DeMarcus just, he just went out with that first shot, and then Swick tagged him two more times before the ref got to him. 0.97

00:28:55.000 And the fucking Karate Kid in beta was a great fight. 0.98

00:28:58.000 Dude, Lyoto Machida is a scary guy. 0.99

00:29:01.000 You gotta get a hold of that guy.

00:29:04.000 And that's no picnic either.

00:29:05.000 He's got great wrestling and great use of his body.

00:29:08.000 He did a lot of sumo when he was a kid, which sounds silly, right?

00:29:11.000 But they're really good at throwing people off in certain directions and pushing forward and planting yourself. 0.93

00:29:19.000 He's got amazing tricks that he does inside with little leg trips and shit like that.

00:29:25.000 It'd be interesting to see him versus, look, if Henderson somehow or another beats Jon Jones, seeing him, Lyoto Machida versus Henderson, I would really like to see that fight.

00:29:38.000 That would be crazy.

00:29:40.000 I would love to see that fight because they're both kind of on the small side for light heavyweight.

00:29:44.000 Lyoto weighed 201. Henderson's usually somewhere around there.

00:29:48.000 Even when he fights at 205, he usually weighs around 200-ish.

00:29:51.000 You know, I think that would be an incredible fight.

00:29:55.000 Henderson Jones is going to be a crazy fight too, man.

00:29:58.000 If Henderson wins, he's like the greatest mixed martial arts fighter of all time, if you really look at it.

00:30:03.000 If you look at it, like, as far as accomplishments, the guy wins two different titles in Pride, in two different weight classes, and then he holds them at the same time.

00:30:12.000 Comes over to Strikeforce, wins a title in Strikeforce. 0.98

00:30:15.000 He has He's a knockout over heavyweights Like Fedor Emelianenko Guy knocked out Fedor You know what I mean Dan Henderson is a motherfucker dude That guy is a motherfucker You can never sleep on that guy Let's see if he figures out Jon Jones Let's see if he figures out anybody, man. 0.98

00:30:31.000 He's got that... 0.99

00:30:32.000 He's got that one weapon that's so retarded strong. 0.99

00:30:36.000 His right hand is so powerful. 0.97

00:30:38.000 And he has this crazy confidence in it.

00:30:40.000 And he takes an amazing shot.

00:30:43.000 He's so tough. 0.99

00:30:44.000 So he'll wade through some shit to get to you and clip you with that thing. 0.99

00:30:48.000 And just put the lights out, man. 1.00

00:30:51.000 He's dangerous, man. 1.00

00:30:53.000 He's fucking dangerous. 1.00

00:30:55.000 And I think he's more dangerous at 205 than he is at 185. I think especially as you get older, it's hard for a guy like that to cut all that weight. 1.00

00:31:02.000 You know, I think when he doesn't cut weight, he's one of the rare guys that can do it.

00:31:06.000 Fights effectively at 205. I think when he doesn't cut that weight, I think maybe he feels a little bit healthier.

00:31:13.000 Out of so many years of doing that shit, man, that's like one of the worst aspects of fighting is the weight cutting. 0.99

00:31:19.000 It's sad. 1.00

00:31:20.000 It drives me nuts.

00:31:21.000 Because the sport is always supposed to be about being healthy.

00:31:25.000 It's supposed to be about your body being tuned in in the best possible way for combat.

00:31:32.000 But it's really not. 0.98

00:31:33.000 Because the 24 hours before you fight, you fuck it up. 0.98

00:31:37.000 Hardcore. 0.98

00:31:38.000 You suck all the water out of it so you can fight in a lower weight class. 0.99

00:31:41.000 It's this weird fucking silly thing that's still around. 0.99

00:31:47.000 It shouldn't be a factor. 0.99

00:31:49.000 It should be...

00:31:49.000 Really, honestly, it is a part of the sport.

00:31:54.000 There's probably no getting rid of it at this point without some sort of a radical restructuring of the way people look at martial arts.

00:31:59.000 But I think that it's almost like it's not in the proper spirit of martial arts and competition.

00:32:07.000 I feel like...

00:32:08.000 I feel like you have to do it today if you're a professional because everyone's doing it.

00:32:13.000 And if you want to fight against guys your size, there's only one way to do that.

00:32:16.000 You're going to have to fight against the scale as well.

00:32:20.000 You're going to have to cut weight and you're going to have to go in because everybody else is doing it.

00:32:24.000 Otherwise, you're not going to win.

00:32:25.000 You're not going to beat a 190-pound guy if you really weigh 170. If he's just as skilled as you, that extra 20 pounds, even though it fucked his organs up and might I've almost shut his kidney down, and he had to get reinflated with IVs.

00:32:38.000 He's probably still going to beat you, because he's a bigger guy.

00:32:41.000 He's got more mass, especially if he can get you to the ground.

00:32:43.000 He'll have more strength.

00:32:45.000 He'll have more to push around.

00:32:47.000 And when they refuel themselves with IVs, they can do it pretty well with IVs, where in 24 hours, it's worth it for them.

00:32:55.000 But it's still bad for your body, and it's unfortunate, I think.

00:32:59.000 I hate the idea that those people have to do that. 0.99

00:33:03.000 It sucks. 0.91

00:33:04.000 What are you gonna do? 1.00

00:33:05.000 It's part of the fucking game. 1.00

00:33:06.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:33:07.000 Yeah.

00:33:07.000 We gotta go to Starbucks and write jokes.

00:33:09.000 They gotta lose fucking weight. 1.00

00:33:10.000 I know, but wouldn't it be better if they all just fought their weight class? 1.00

00:33:13.000 I think a perfect utopia of mixed martial arts would be everybody fights in whatever the fuck they weigh. 0.98

00:33:20.000 And we find out what everybody weighs. 0.98

00:33:22.000 Just naturally.

00:33:23.000 This is what you weigh when you're in shape.

00:33:25.000 What do you weigh when you're like a... 0.62

00:33:26.000 Like when dog fighting shape.

00:33:28.000 When they used to fight dogs.

00:33:29.000 You know they used to weigh them in? 1.00

00:33:30.000 Do you know that shit? 1.00

00:33:31.000 No. 1.00

00:33:32.000 Yeah.

00:33:32.000 The really light ones, just the ones they want.

00:33:35.000 You know, like, see these big giant pitbulls that everybody has today?

00:33:38.000 These people have bred these things to make them really big and crazy.

00:33:42.000 But I had a friend who had, like, one of the really small game ones.

00:33:45.000 It was a crazy little animal, man.

00:33:47.000 It was a really small...

00:33:48.000 They don't even look like...

00:33:49.000 They're really small.

00:33:50.000 It was like 35 pounds, 38 pounds.

00:33:52.000 Do they make teacup pitbulls? 1.00

00:33:53.000 They do.

00:33:54.000 Are you serious?

00:33:55.000 No, barely.

00:33:55.000 Basically.

00:33:56.000 You can get a 20-pound...

00:33:59.000 There's some really small ones, but those little tiny ones are crazy.

00:34:03.000 They don't look like pit bulls.

00:34:05.000 We're used to seeing them with the really boxy, muscular heads and huge shoulders.

00:34:11.000 Those are the pit bulls you see on the streets.

00:34:13.000 They're amazing looking dogs.

00:34:14.000 Like the ones they used in Angel Heart to bite Mickey Rourke. 1.00

00:34:17.000 The two little fucking pitbulls in New Orleans. 1.00

00:34:20.000 Watch that movie. 1.00

00:34:21.000 Yeah, were they real little ones?

00:34:22.000 You'll look at them and go, oh, that's weird.

00:34:23.000 It was 87. Yeah.

00:34:25.000 So nobody really knew about the fucking pitbull. 0.99

00:34:26.000 We were still stuck on Doberman Benches and German Shepherds and Golden Retrievers. 0.99

00:34:30.000 Yeah, some people knew about it.

00:34:32.000 And when they made that movie, when they sent the mob guy to beat him up in that movie, the devil, whoever beats him up in Angel Heart, that's what he had, these little tiny pitbulls.

00:34:40.000 Are you serious?

00:34:58.000 Really?

00:35:00.000 Yeah.

00:35:01.000 Yeah, there was a movement for that.

00:35:03.000 Yeah, what was that movement?

00:35:05.000 Like three guys in Compton?

00:35:06.000 No, I think it was pretty legit, man.

00:35:10.000 Yeah! 1.00

00:35:11.000 Make this motherfucker! 1.00

00:35:13.000 I wish I could remember this totally, but I haven't had pitballs in years, so I forgot all the propaganda. 1.00

00:35:21.000 American animal...

00:35:22.000 By the way, tonight we have an amazing show at the Ice House.

00:35:25.000 There's still some tickets left.

00:35:27.000 Yeah, how many are left?

00:35:28.000 I think there's like 40. Okay, if you've ever been there, the Ice House is like one of the best clubs in the world.

00:35:36.000 Isn't it, Joey? 0.99

00:35:37.000 How great is that fucking place? 1.00

00:35:38.000 Listen, I don't give a fuck if they did this show in a barn, you fucking momos. 1.00

00:35:42.000 It's Dom Herrera, Tom Rhodes, Joe Rogan, Doug Benson, and fucking Red Band. 1.00

00:35:47.000 $15. 1.00

00:35:48.000 Cancel what the fuck you're doing. 1.00

00:35:50.000 Tell your grandmother to suck your dick. 1.00

00:35:52.000 Call 626-577-1836 and get those tickets now. 1.00

00:35:57.000 I'm talking about Tom Rhodes, Joe Rogan, fucking Herrera, and Doug Benson.

00:36:02.000 Bert Kreischer. 0.92

00:36:03.000 Bert Kreischer.

00:36:04.000 Just those four. 1.00

00:36:05.000 It's like $50 and a blowjob to fucking get the fuck in. 1.00

00:36:08.000 So get your shit together, you fucking momos. 1.00

00:36:11.000 That's a great show at the Ice House. 1.00

00:36:13.000 That should be sold.

00:36:13.000 I'm in Orange County.

00:36:15.000 By the time I get back, I won't get back until about 11, 30, 12. I'm going to a sandwich place tonight in Orange County named Roscoe's.

00:36:24.000 It's a fucking sandwich. 1.00

00:36:25.000 You look excited about a sandwich. 1.00

00:36:26.000 Look at you.

00:36:27.000 Love it.

00:36:27.000 No, no, no.

00:36:27.000 I'm not excited about it as much as they do comedy at the sandwich place now.

00:36:32.000 Oh, really?

00:36:32.000 And they serve beer.

00:36:33.000 They have beer and wine.

00:36:34.000 No booze. 1.00

00:36:35.000 But it's fucking sandwiches. 1.00

00:36:37.000 Like old school sandwiches. 1.00

00:36:39.000 Right. 0.99

00:36:39.000 And you go down there and you do fucking 30 minutes. 0.99

00:36:41.000 They give you a little dough. 0.99

00:36:42.000 A little pumpernickel. 0.99

00:36:42.000 And they get the fuck out of there. 0.99

00:36:44.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:36:44.000 That's it. 0.99

00:36:44.000 But I like it. 0.99

00:36:45.000 They got like 90, 100 people. 0.97

00:36:46.000 And it's really fucking cool. 0.89

00:36:48.000 But on the way back, I'll stop up there. 0.99

00:36:49.000 I'll try to shoot the 101. It's fucking hot. 0.99

00:36:52.000 That's what it is, dawg. 1.00

00:36:53.000 This is brutal.

00:36:54.000 Thank God we're on a plane Friday, comp. 0.97

00:36:56.000 It's going to be a hundred and motherfucking ten on Friday. 0.84

00:36:58.000 It was a hundred and fourteen. 0.90

00:37:00.000 Or thirteen or something like that.

00:37:01.000 When?

00:37:02.000 On my way here.

00:37:03.000 Come on! 0.61

00:37:04.000 Yeah, listen.

00:37:05.000 They said that this July was the hottest July ever.

00:37:08.000 In the country.

00:37:09.000 The whole country.

00:37:09.000 Ever.

00:37:10.000 Okay, that's what I heard.

00:37:12.000 Yeah, ever.

00:37:13.000 Yeah.

00:37:14.000 I know they did.

00:37:15.000 They talked about it in LA. I tweeted it today.

00:37:18.000 I retweeted it because it was ridiculous.

00:37:19.000 It's pretty bad when I have to leave my air conditioning on full blast at home just so my cats don't die. 0.77

00:37:25.000 Yeah.

00:37:25.000 Yeah, you do, right?

00:37:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:37:28.000 It's hot as fuck. 0.98

00:37:29.000 They're on the floor. 0.99

00:37:29.000 They haven't fucking moved. 0.99

00:37:30.000 No beds, no nothing. 0.98

00:37:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:37:32.000 They're on the floor getting that fucking cool wood. 0.99

00:37:35.000 Last night in my bedroom, I couldn't get it freezing. 0.99

00:37:37.000 It's usually freezing.

00:37:38.000 It was cold.

00:37:39.000 Yeah, me too.

00:37:39.000 But it wasn't freezing last night.

00:37:41.000 It was cold enough for me to fall asleep.

00:37:42.000 But I got up to pee like at 4. I'm like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

00:37:46.000 Usually I got the blanket on, a hooded sweatshirt. 0.99

00:37:48.000 I know.

00:37:48.000 You too.

00:37:48.000 That's weird.

00:37:49.000 Fucking igloo. 0.99

00:37:51.000 But last night was it's tough. 1.00

00:37:52.000 It's been a hot fucking weekend. 0.98

00:37:53.000 And you didn't feel the earthquake last night either? 0.99

00:37:55.000 I was at Flappers.

00:37:57.000 Oh, really?

00:37:57.000 And then when I was driving home, I seen all the cop cars.

00:38:01.000 And then when I came in, people were on Facebook.

00:38:03.000 There was an earthquake. 0.99

00:38:04.000 I don't feel that shit. 1.00

00:38:05.000 Yeah, a lot of people called me a pussy because I felt it. 1.00

00:38:08.000 I was at the ice house and it was like a huge jolt and then like a sway. 0.99

00:38:12.000 And the whole building made like this crackly noise.

00:38:16.000 And I'm like, okay, I'm getting the fuck out of here because this building's way like, you know, when's the last time this building's been checked?

00:38:22.000 Checked, you know?

00:38:24.000 If you look, they have those things already in the walls.

00:38:26.000 The retrofits?

00:38:27.000 Yeah, the retrofits.

00:38:28.000 They have 50. The outside of it, it's just retrofit, retrofit, retrofit, retrofit.

00:38:33.000 So I'm thinking, if there's ever an earthquake here, run the fuck out of this building. 0.54

00:38:38.000 It might collapse. 0.96

00:38:39.000 Yeah, it might collapse.

00:38:40.000 This building's not...

00:38:40.000 Whenever there's an earthquake and you have bricks, it's not that the bricks are going to fall apart, but they shift.

00:38:47.000 And then that shift, you hear that shit? 0.99

00:38:50.000 That is traumatizing. 1.00

00:38:51.000 That is traumatizing.

00:38:52.000 I lived in Hollywood.

00:38:53.000 I lived in a brick building.

00:38:54.000 I heard that a couple times. 0.99

00:38:55.000 People were calling me pussies and stuff. 1.00

00:38:57.000 Like on Twitter, me like, you're a fag pussy pussy. 1.00

00:38:59.000 And I'm like, alright, you could be in Malibu, which is a lot farther away from where I was to the earthquake. 1.00

00:39:07.000 And be like, oh yeah, I didn't feel anything, you pussy. 1.00

00:39:10.000 But that, what I felt last night, was fucking jolting. 1.00

00:39:13.000 You feel it? 0.98

00:39:14.000 I didn't feel it.

00:39:15.000 I forgot.

00:39:16.000 This is earthquake stuff underneath me.

00:39:19.000 This is earthquake weather.

00:39:20.000 It smells like an earthquake out there.

00:39:23.000 Yeah, it gets so hot.

00:39:24.000 It smells it the last two days.

00:39:25.000 I am only hoping that since nobody ever predicts things correctly, that because you're saying it's earthquake weather that you're wrong.

00:39:31.000 Well, it's because it's so hot.

00:39:32.000 It's so hot.

00:39:33.000 I'm telling you right now.

00:39:34.000 That's why the earthquake last night happened around 10 at night or whatever. 0.92

00:39:37.000 Yeah, it's too fucking hot. 0.67

00:39:38.000 Because the ground gets so fucking hot and then at night it gets cold and that, you know, shift. 0.93

00:39:44.000 What? 0.91

00:39:44.000 That's earthquake juice. 0.91

00:39:45.000 Did you just make that up?

00:39:46.000 No, no, that's not.

00:39:46.000 Like, if there's earthquake seasoning, that's what it's made of.

00:39:49.000 Like, hot and cold.

00:39:51.000 Neil deGrasse Tyson.

00:39:52.000 I love it.

00:39:53.000 I'm going to try to get that dude on the podcast.

00:39:55.000 Neil deGrasse Tyson, the scientist.

00:39:57.000 We're going back and forth.

00:39:59.000 Dude, get Mr. Wizard. 0.99

00:40:00.000 Mr. Wizard, who's that?

00:40:01.000 I would love that, dude.

00:40:02.000 Mr. Wizard's a real one?

00:40:04.000 We're going to get Dr. Steve, too, from the Opie and Anthony channel.

00:40:07.000 Guy's fascinating.

00:40:08.000 I listened to his show the other day on Sirius, and I found out why chocolate kills dogs.

00:40:13.000 It's the caffeine.

00:40:15.000 It's caffeine and chocolate.

00:40:17.000 Apparently, chocolate has caffeine in it.

00:40:18.000 And the caffeine and chocolate just jacks dog's bodies. 1.00

00:40:21.000 So don't give your dog Starbucks.

00:40:23.000 Or cat.

00:40:23.000 You can't give your cat chocolate either.

00:40:26.000 Yeah, that's good to know.

00:40:27.000 Avocados or something.

00:40:28.000 John Rollo told me, there's something else you can't give a cat.

00:40:31.000 You and John Rollo, most unlikely cat owners ever.

00:40:34.000 I guess me too.

00:40:35.000 I talk to John Rollo all the time about cats.

00:40:37.000 He's excited.

00:40:38.000 He's just got something else to do with cats.

00:40:40.000 He's got the billboards.

00:40:42.000 I'm going to go see him.

00:40:43.000 I'm going to go to Baltimore and see him.

00:40:45.000 I'm pretty excited.

00:40:47.000 Yeah, we haven't had a UFC in that area.

00:40:49.000 We haven't had like a Baltimore UFC. Baltimore's not doing so good, right?

00:40:55.000 You know, when I first got into comedy, one of the clubs that gave me work as an MC was a Baltimore club.

00:41:00.000 You remember the improv down there?

00:41:01.000 Did you ever do that?

00:41:01.000 No.

00:41:02.000 They had a good improv.

00:41:03.000 They had improv down in this kind of crazy area where there's like a lot of different clubs.

00:41:07.000 You know, it's like there's little patches of fun places in this world where people figure out how to do something right.

00:41:15.000 But there's something cool about when you go to a place and like all these different places all empty out into a common place, like a courtyard area. 0.95

00:41:23.000 As long as everybody can keep their shit together. 0.97

00:41:25.000 Baltimore, that's also, I think, wasn't it the same place where that dude got knocked unconscious and they fucking filmed it and they took his clothes off and made a video of it? 0.99

00:41:35.000 Wasn't that Baltimore show? 0.93

00:41:36.000 I think it was.

00:41:38.000 They shot the wire there.

00:41:40.000 They shot the wire, yeah. 1.00

00:41:42.000 Baltimore's a heavy-duty fucking city. 1.00

00:41:43.000 It's a heavy-duty fucking city. 1.00

00:41:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:45.000 They got some wild shit there. 1.00

00:41:47.000 The stadium's great. 0.99

00:41:48.000 The stadium a couple times is great.

00:41:50.000 The government is going to want to disarm Baltimore. 1.00

00:41:52.000 Yeah, there's some crazy motherfuckers. 1.00

00:41:54.000 Baltimore, Philadelphia. 1.00

00:41:56.000 That's where you give those people guns, because they'll shoot anybody in Philadelphia. 0.99

00:42:00.000 Philadelphia was the only stadium that they had a fucking jail in the stadium, the football stadium. 0.99

00:42:05.000 Hey, did you see that? 0.99

00:42:06.000 That coach got, you know, my condolences to the guy from Philadelphia, the coach, Ryan, his son died. 0.99

00:42:13.000 He was on our fucking show a couple years ago, bro. 0.98

00:42:16.000 He was on our show? 1.00

00:42:17.000 That kid came to our show.

00:42:18.000 The kid who just died, the coach of the Philadelphia Eagles, he came to our show and was talking to us in the back room in Atlantic City.

00:42:26.000 That was when the guy, Tim Sylvia, and what's his name, the coach from Iowa, and the farmer, they were all down there because somebody was fighting.

00:42:36.000 We were down there, IFL. We were down there to do a show.

00:42:40.000 That weekend when I got off stage, he came up to me all juiced up, the kid.

00:42:44.000 He's like, dog, whatever you need, we got you covered here. 1.00

00:42:46.000 My father's the coach of the fucking Eagles. 1.00

00:42:48.000 All I got to do is make a call, bitch. 1.00

00:42:50.000 Wow. 0.99

00:42:50.000 So the other day when I saw that, I was like, wow, that kid, unless he has other kids, but that was, he had the shirt and the hat. 0.99

00:42:56.000 He was very, uh, so my condolences to the fucking, uh, I remember looking down in the crowd and Henzo Gracie was there laughing his ass off. 0.96

00:43:06.000 That's the place? 0.97

00:43:07.000 Yeah, at that place.

00:43:08.000 That was when the IFL, Henzo had something to do with the IFL. Me, you, Kate, a lot of us win.

00:43:14.000 Hari.

00:43:15.000 Yeah.

00:43:16.000 The IFL was an interesting idea.

00:43:17.000 The whole team thing, it's an individual sport.

00:43:22.000 The whole team thing really didn't work.

00:43:24.000 It's like stand-up.

00:43:25.000 It's just me. 1.00

00:43:25.000 You want a mic, bitch. 1.00

00:43:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:43:27.000 You can't do teams of stand-up. 1.00

00:43:28.000 You come in and we tag team.

00:43:30.000 You say that, but we kind of do have a team.

00:43:33.000 We're the team death squad.

00:43:35.000 I mean, it really is a team.

00:43:36.000 Right?

00:43:37.000 I mean, that's, it is a team.

00:43:40.000 You know, if we really think about it, all the people that we have in our inner circle that we consider death squad.

00:43:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:48.000 Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like a team, you know?

00:43:51.000 I mean, if anybody is...

00:43:52.000 In most cases, stand-up is not like that.

00:43:55.000 But with us, I think this is very much like a whole group of us.

00:44:00.000 We're all identified by our friends, you know?

00:44:05.000 Holla. 1.00

00:44:05.000 Holla, bitches. 1.00

00:44:07.000 So now we got Denver this week. 1.00

00:44:08.000 Denver and we got Vegas. 0.98

00:44:10.000 Frankie motherfucking Edgar against Henderson. 0.98

00:44:12.000 Donald Cerrone. 1.00

00:44:14.000 That's a good fucking card too, Joe Rogan. 1.00

00:44:15.000 That's a great card. 1.00

00:44:17.000 You know me, dog.

00:44:20.000 There's certain people you want in your life and there's certain people you don't want in your life.

00:44:23.000 I don't ever want a problem with Frankie Edgar.

00:44:26.000 I love that guy.

00:44:27.000 Great guy.

00:44:28.000 I love Henderson.

00:44:29.000 I love both of them. 1.00

00:44:31.000 The fucking time when he grabs his leg and he throws that kick. 0.99

00:44:33.000 He jumps up and throws that kick? 1.00

00:44:34.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:44:35.000 He's got ridiculous legs. 0.99

00:44:38.000 He's got legs for like a 185 pounder. 0.99

00:44:41.000 And he's a 155 pound guy.

00:44:42.000 He's got weird legs. 1.00

00:44:44.000 He's just a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:44:46.000 He's a tough, tough kid, man. 1.00

00:44:48.000 He fights really good guys and it makes them look not so good.

00:44:51.000 You know what I mean?

00:44:51.000 He keeps doing it over and over again.

00:44:53.000 You know? 0.99

00:44:54.000 I also saw that fucking cut to my man Rory McDonald in Toronto. 0.99

00:44:59.000 Huge. 1.00

00:45:00.000 30-something stitches that took him down to the fucking bone. 1.00

00:45:03.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:45:04.000 I want to see a rematch of Pettis and Benson Henderson, too. 0.99

00:45:08.000 Holy shit, that was a great fight. 0.88

00:45:10.000 And you know how much Henderson would get up for that rematch. 0.97

00:45:13.000 But this fight this weekend is going to be amazing, because I'll tell you what, that Edgar kid, Frankie Edgar, finds a way. 0.99

00:45:19.000 That motherfucker finds a way. 0.99

00:45:20.000 He's a little dog. 1.00

00:45:22.000 He's got a mind that is like, he don't like losing, you know?

00:45:26.000 And he comes back stronger.

00:45:28.000 He comes back stronger than ever.

00:45:29.000 He's such a unique guy. 0.99

00:45:31.000 He looks like a fucking Rain Man out there. 1.00

00:45:33.000 He dribbling. 1.00

00:45:33.000 I'm like, what the fuck's Rain Man doing? 1.00

00:45:35.000 You want to giggle? 0.99

00:45:36.000 He'll light you the fuck up. 1.00

00:45:37.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:45:38.000 I just watched him and Grey made it, the second one, the third one again the other day. 1.00

00:45:42.000 Yeah.

00:45:42.000 You gotta be able to keep that pace up too, man.

00:45:45.000 You gotta be able to keep pace with him. 0.98

00:45:47.000 He'll drag you into some deep fucking conditioning water. 0.98

00:45:50.000 That guy can do that for an hour and a half. 0.99

00:45:53.000 He's one of the best conditioned guys in the sport.

00:45:55.000 And one of the reasons for that is what we talked about earlier.

00:45:58.000 Frankie Edgar doesn't cut weight. 1.00

00:45:59.000 Doesn't cut weight, yeah.

00:46:00.000 That guy weighs 155 pounds.

00:46:01.000 I love it.

00:46:02.000 I love it when he can win.

00:46:04.000 I love it when he can win.

00:46:05.000 But when he loses, and he loses because a guy's bigger than him, it makes you think, like, man, I wish you could do it at 155. I hope you could do it at 155, but, you know, maybe 145 is your weight loss.

00:46:18.000 It sucks. 0.98

00:46:18.000 If he goes to 145, that could be one of the greatest fights in MMA history, him against fucking Aldo. 0.98

00:46:25.000 I've said that since day one. 0.93

00:46:26.000 I'm pushing for it.

00:46:27.000 I love it at 145. In Vegas, something neutral.

00:46:30.000 Yeah, but you can't count him out, man.

00:46:32.000 You can't count him out.

00:46:32.000 No, no, no, never.

00:46:33.000 I don't count him out by any stretch of the imagination.

00:46:35.000 He can win, man.

00:46:36.000 I don't want him in my future, in my past, him looking for you. 1.00

00:46:40.000 You don't need that in your fucking life, man. 1.00

00:46:41.000 I don't need that shit in my fucking life. 1.00

00:46:44.000 The fact that if I see him, and then I see him six months later, I look forward to seeing what's improved, what's gotten better. 1.00

00:46:51.000 Because it's gonna be better.

00:46:52.000 He's gonna be better.

00:46:53.000 He's gonna do something better.

00:46:54.000 He's gonna have some move that you didn't expect coming, some lead right hand that you didn't see coming.

00:46:58.000 He's gonna shift his weight a little bit differently.

00:47:01.000 He's gonna do something better.

00:47:02.000 He's gonna have a little bit more conditioning. 1.00

00:47:04.000 He's not like an asshole that takes time off and gets fat. 0.99

00:47:09.000 That's 40 years in their genes, those kids from downtown. 1.00

00:47:12.000 Of just scrapping. 1.00

00:47:14.000 Because the other half is the Guidos and all that stupidity. 0.99

00:47:18.000 But the other half, a lot of people don't know, is those kids have to go to like Brick Township, like where Mike Dolce went. 0.99

00:47:23.000 They gotta go to these schools and they group four schools.

00:47:26.000 Group four schools, you play black schools that are six for four.

00:47:31.000 And here's Frankie Edgar wrestling against these schools.

00:47:34.000 And they wrestle at weight categories, but it's the same thing.

00:47:36.000 If Frankie wrestled at 135, that guy that he wrestled against was a lot bigger than he was.

00:47:41.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

00:47:42.000 Wrestling was the most ridiculous. 1.00

00:47:43.000 In the summers, those guys from up north, the kids I grew up with, would go down south, and they walk all over that fucking shore. 0.99

00:47:50.000 And eventually those kids... 0.99

00:47:51.000 It's 40 years of torture that every summer they gotta fight somebody fucking bigger. 0.99

00:47:56.000 And they do it. 0.96

00:47:57.000 And there rides down there. 0.99

00:47:58.000 If you've ever been down there, there's a fight every fucking night. 0.96

00:48:01.000 And it always includes a Guido from up there against a regular guy from down there. 0.99

00:48:07.000 And the regular guy always takes him the fuck out. 0.65

00:48:09.000 Guido shows up with his buddies all juiced up. 0.96

00:48:12.000 Take off the shirt.

00:48:13.000 I've been training. 0.84

00:48:14.000 And those guys down the shore will light you the fuck up.

00:48:17.000 And he's one of those guys. 0.75

00:48:18.000 I said it to him all the time.

00:48:20.000 He used to light people up at Mr. Breakfast.

00:48:21.000 That's the hangout down there.

00:48:23.000 They all go down there with no shirts on and the gold.

00:48:26.000 They eat breakfast.

00:48:27.000 How you doing?

00:48:27.000 How's my bicep?

00:48:28.000 These are guys that don't even work on their legs.

00:48:31.000 They don't even care.

00:48:32.000 They don't even care about their stomachs.

00:48:33.000 They don't care about their lats.

00:48:35.000 They just work on their biceps, their chest, and maybe a little trapezoid muscle.

00:48:39.000 Isn't that hilarious?

00:48:40.000 It's hilarious.

00:48:41.000 And they juice with no supervision.

00:48:43.000 Vinny, Vinny, come here. 1.00

00:48:44.000 Hold the fucking needle. 1.00

00:48:45.000 How much am I supposed to put in there? 1.00

00:48:46.000 I don't know.

00:48:47.000 Did he tell you?

00:48:48.000 Nah, just fill it up.

00:48:50.000 How big you want to get? 1.00

00:48:51.000 I want fucking my arms to be fucking huge. 1.00

00:48:54.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:48:55.000 So shoot the whole fucking thing. 1.00

00:48:57.000 Nah, but what if I die? 1.00

00:48:58.000 Shoot it. 1.00

00:48:59.000 Shoot it. 1.00

00:48:59.000 We'll get more tomorrow. 1.00

00:49:00.000 That's how they are.

00:49:00.000 They don't read instructions.

00:49:02.000 They don't read nothing.

00:49:03.000 They don't know about...

00:49:04.000 What's that?

00:49:05.000 Cycles?

00:49:05.000 No.

00:49:06.000 They don't know about cycles.

00:49:07.000 Vinny, how many of these do I eat?

00:49:08.000 All of them.

00:49:09.000 How many in there?

00:49:10.000 30?

00:49:10.000 You gotta eat like 10 of them.

00:49:12.000 You got a headache?

00:49:13.000 You know, that's their mentality. 1.00

00:49:15.000 And they live and they snort blow and they fucking drink and whatever. 0.99

00:49:19.000 They don't have no... 1.00

00:49:20.000 You know, we talk about medications and supervisions and shit. 1.00

00:49:24.000 Those kids in Jersey don't give a fuck about... 0.99

00:49:26.000 Well, you know, in other countries, you could just buy steroids over the counter. 0.99

00:49:29.000 In, like, South America, there's a lot of places where you could just buy steroids.

00:49:32.000 Mexico! 1.00

00:49:33.000 Don't these kids go down there and fucking buy D-ball? 1.00

00:49:35.000 Mexico, yeah. 1.00

00:49:36.000 Come on.

00:49:36.000 That's not even South America.

00:49:37.000 That's North America. 0.56

00:49:39.000 That's crazy.

00:49:39.000 That's 65 miles, my friend.

00:49:41.000 Isn't that nuts? 1.00

00:49:42.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

00:49:42.000 What is it? 1.00

00:49:43.000 Red Band.

00:49:43.000 120 miles.

00:49:45.000 And we got fucking Jews. 1.00

00:49:46.000 What's crazy is that right here on that border, you got all this military. 1.00

00:49:51.000 You got the Air Force Base.

00:49:54.000 What is it?

00:49:55.000 What is it down there?

00:49:56.000 The Marines?

00:49:56.000 The Marines.

00:49:57.000 The Navy's down there.

00:49:59.000 Because the Navy.

00:50:00.000 Myanmar, right?

00:50:01.000 It's amazing down there.

00:50:03.000 There's a lot of military down there. 0.99

00:50:04.000 But they don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:50:05.000 They could put the whole military down there. 1.00

00:50:07.000 These Mexicans will dig a tunnel. 1.00

00:50:08.000 Yeah, but think about that. 0.98

00:50:10.000 But think about it.

00:50:11.000 There's all this military and then surrounding all that military, you know what it is?

00:50:15.000 Some of the richest people on Earth.

00:50:18.000 Those people that live on that island, Coronado Island, those are some incredibly wealthy people.

00:50:24.000 Donald Rumsfeld lives on that island, bro.

00:50:26.000 Think about that.

00:50:27.000 Wrap your head around that.

00:50:28.000 So this is like super...

00:50:30.000 He probably lives in like 10 different houses all over the world with all the money he's gotten.

00:50:34.000 But this one area, you go on like...

00:50:38.000 If you like Google real estate, like La Jolla, like look in La Jolla.

00:50:42.000 La Jolla is amazing.

00:50:44.000 Amazing. 0.99

00:50:44.000 Fucking incredible. 0.99

00:50:45.000 The most spectacular houses. 0.99

00:50:48.000 Multi, multi, multi-million dollar houses.

00:50:52.000 20 minutes away from Tijuana.

00:50:53.000 It's hell.

00:50:54.000 20 minutes away. 0.96

00:50:56.000 Hell, hell, hell.

00:50:56.000 And that's not an exaggeration at all.

00:50:58.000 Hell.

00:50:59.000 You can get in your car and you can literally drive for 20 minutes from San Diego.

00:51:03.000 It's crazy beautiful, though.

00:51:04.000 I mean, have you been down there like on those islands?

00:51:06.000 I love it.

00:51:07.000 I love San Diego, man.

00:51:08.000 I love San Diego.

00:51:09.000 Let's get to the crazy beautiful San Diego on the Mexico side. 0.99

00:51:13.000 As soon as you cross into Mexico, guys, right there, that's fucking scary. 1.00

00:51:17.000 It's scary. 0.99

00:51:18.000 It goes from the 5 to dirt roads.

00:51:20.000 Well, it goes from, there's an immediate lack of a feeling of a net, okay?

00:51:26.000 Because there's a net when you're walking around San Diego.

00:51:28.000 There's a net of society and civilization and culture.

00:51:32.000 And like the biggest...

00:51:32.000 And trust people more.

00:51:34.000 Like military base there to protect you.

00:51:36.000 I mean, you don't have the police when you live there.

00:51:39.000 You have like one of the biggest military bases protecting you while you're there.

00:51:43.000 Yeah.

00:51:43.000 It's safe still to live there.

00:51:45.000 In San Diego.

00:51:45.000 No, I know, for sure.

00:51:47.000 But what I'm saying is that when you walk through to Tijuana, there's this feeling like the net's been removed.

00:51:52.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

00:51:52.000 Like, all of a sudden, I'm seeing all these beggars and all this weirdness on the street and all these people.

00:51:57.000 What do you want, Joey?

00:52:00.000 What are you doing?

00:52:00.000 Are you looking?

00:52:02.000 You have your ass right in front of my face, bro. 1.00

00:52:04.000 Respect. 0.99

00:52:06.000 It's just that when you do cross that border, it's a very bizarre feeling that you're only 20 minutes away from the place where all of the law doesn't apply.

00:52:16.000 All of it is gone.

00:52:17.000 It's all gone.

00:52:18.000 And now you have to live with this rinky-dink set of laws from this other country. 0.97

00:52:23.000 And, you know, you might run into a cop who says that you were speeding and you just got to give him money because that's how they roll down there. 0.99

00:52:29.000 And who knows how many fucking people are involved in doing illegal shit and moving drugs around. 0.99

00:52:36.000 It's right there. 1.00

00:52:36.000 20 minutes away. 1.00

00:52:38.000 I mean, it's way scarier than the ghettos in America, isn't it? 1.00

00:52:42.000 Wouldn't you say the Tijuana is scarier than the ghettos? 1.00

00:52:44.000 Well, fuck, because there's no... 1.00

00:52:45.000 Listen, the ghettos, the cops are always five minutes away. 1.00

00:52:47.000 But one thing, though, I know tons of people that go to Tijuana all the time.

00:52:52.000 Do you really?

00:52:53.000 I don't know anybody that goes to, like, Harlem all the time.

00:52:56.000 You really know tons of people who go to Tijuana all the time?

00:52:59.000 Yes, that go there all the time.

00:53:00.000 Well, I'll tell you what.

00:53:01.000 Anthony Bourdain went recently on his show, and I really enjoyed that show.

00:53:04.000 It was cool because he met with a lot of cool Mexicans that live in Tijuana that were sort of giving him the real deal on how everything went down there and took him to a bunch of different bars.

00:53:14.000 And it didn't seem to me to be as dangerous as I thought it was or as dangerous as everybody always publicizes it.

00:53:22.000 But you've got to realize that it could get that way at any moment. 0.99

00:53:28.000 You're partying in a country where shit is just way different. 0.99

00:53:32.000 It's just way different. 0.99

00:53:33.000 And you can get lucky and do it a thousand times in a row, or you can get unlucky and you be there when some drug lord's trying to make a point. 0.99

00:53:40.000 Like some dude's trying to move product and someone's trying to block him, so he decides to light his fucking nightclub on fire. 0.99

00:53:46.000 They do shit like that. 0.99

00:53:47.000 Like in Tijuana, not in Tijuana, in Cancun, there was a... 1.00

00:53:52.000 They sell coke on the beach.

00:53:54.000 Do they really?

00:53:56.000 They sell coke on the beach.

00:53:57.000 Weed, coke, heroin.

00:53:58.000 Are you talking about sandals, Tijuana? 1.00

00:54:00.000 No, they come up to you and sell your fucking blow on the beach. 0.99

00:54:03.000 Well, you know what's been decriminalized? 0.99

00:54:05.000 Everything's been decriminalized in Mexico, which is really weird.

00:54:08.000 That's awesome.

00:54:09.000 You can get acid in Mexico.

00:54:10.000 I am scared.

00:54:11.000 By the way, it doesn't mean it's legal.

00:54:13.000 It's not legal.

00:54:14.000 It's decriminalized.

00:54:15.000 Yeah, and that's the difference.

00:54:16.000 You know why that is?

00:54:17.000 You know why that is?

00:54:19.000 Why? 0.99

00:54:19.000 So when you do get caught with it, you gotta pay out the ass. 0.99

00:54:21.000 Is that what it is? 0.99

00:54:22.000 Sure.

00:54:23.000 Ah, it's not legal, my friend, but...

00:54:26.000 Maybe if you had a couple extra thousand on you, maybe...

00:54:30.000 Is that what they're saying?

00:54:31.000 We could...

00:54:32.000 We could work something out, my friend.

00:54:34.000 Yeah, they don't want violence.

00:54:35.000 They want to keep this business going.

00:54:36.000 And it should be an understanding that I just got to give you a little bribery.

00:54:39.000 Yeah, I would be down with that if I thought it was safe.

00:54:42.000 I love every aspect of copping in my day.

00:54:46.000 I used to go to Harlem.

00:54:47.000 I'd go at four in the morning.

00:54:48.000 I like dark buildings. 1.00

00:54:49.000 I like all that shit. 1.00

00:54:50.000 I ain't going to Mexico. 1.00

00:54:52.000 No.

00:54:53.000 It's not. 0.99

00:54:54.000 I don't need drugs that fucking bad. 0.98

00:54:55.000 That's a complete different realm. 0.99

00:54:57.000 That's a complete different realm.

00:54:59.000 You could go down there. 0.91

00:55:00.000 I know people have gone in and gotten beat the fuck up. 0.53

00:55:02.000 Okay, right here.

00:55:03.000 Tijuana. 0.89

00:55:03.000 We've gotten beaten the fuck up. 0.89

00:55:04.000 We have a friend from the comedy store.

00:55:06.000 We have a friend.

00:55:07.000 That's gotten beaten up one time.

00:55:08.000 A friend who makes mistakes. 0.68

00:55:10.000 At a hooker house down there. 1.00

00:55:11.000 No, no, no. 1.00

00:55:11.000 He went down and he got beat the fuck up. 1.00

00:55:13.000 Don't beat you. 0.99

00:55:14.000 You want to get beat up in Tijuana?

00:55:15.000 We have a friend who went there?

00:55:16.000 Yeah.

00:55:16.000 What does his friend look like?

00:55:17.000 You want to get beat up in fucking Tijuana? 1.00

00:55:19.000 Is he Asian? 1.00

00:55:20.000 No. 1.00

00:55:20.000 Well, one of those idiots, yeah. 1.00

00:55:21.000 They were on that run. 1.00

00:55:23.000 You know, I don't want to go. 1.00

00:55:24.000 I never went down there for drugs and I was a fucking junkie. 0.99

00:55:26.000 I think that it's over a border and a thousand bad things could happen to you. 1.00

00:55:31.000 Yeah, you could fuck up. 1.00

00:55:32.000 A thousand bad things could happen to you. 1.00

00:55:34.000 I know Anthony Bourdain walked around for a day surrounded by white people with cameras.

00:55:39.000 Okay?

00:55:40.000 That's a big difference in you and me walking around.

00:55:42.000 And all we need is one Mexican to say, hey, ain't that the dude from Factor de Fiel? 1.00

00:55:49.000 And all of a sudden they come over, hey, follow us to a party.

00:55:53.000 And we're doomed.

00:55:54.000 And then you're kidnapped.

00:55:55.000 And you're kidnapped.

00:55:56.000 So, you know, I mean, you're the one that turned me on to Phoenix.

00:55:58.000 Yeah.

00:55:59.000 That's number one.

00:56:00.000 Kidnapping capital.

00:56:01.000 What do you think that comes into Phoenix from down there?

00:56:04.000 Yeah.

00:56:04.000 And in Phoenix, the whole deal with Phoenix is it's all about drugs.

00:56:07.000 That's what they believe.

00:56:08.000 It's about rival drug dealers, people kidnapping each other.

00:56:12.000 There's more kidnappings in Phoenix than there is in any other state.

00:56:15.000 Any other.

00:56:15.000 All those border towns.

00:56:17.000 Laredo. 1.00

00:56:17.000 They fucking light shit on fire in Laredo constantly. 1.00

00:56:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:21.000 El Paso, you gotta be careful. 1.00

00:56:23.000 People from Mexico shoot at the American side sometimes too, which is really crazy.

00:56:27.000 People report that their building got hit by a bullet from Mexico. 0.99

00:56:31.000 I know people who have gotten down there to get Valiant and Oxycontin and shit like that. 0.86

00:56:36.000 I've never dealt with them, but I know they've gotten down there.

00:56:39.000 But I know millions of people go down there for the juice.

00:56:43.000 Now, let me ask you something about the juice in Mexico.

00:56:45.000 Is this Mexican juice?

00:56:46.000 Or is this still the juice that you get here and they just sell it over the counter in Mexico?

00:56:50.000 That's the question I want to know.

00:56:51.000 I have no idea.

00:56:53.000 Like, is it the deck of the roblin when I go to Germany, that I get in Germany, that you shoot it?

00:56:58.000 That you get from the doctor? 0.65

00:56:59.000 Yeah, the doctor!

00:57:00.000 They want to make you very large shoulders.

00:57:03.000 Is it the same D-ball?

00:57:04.000 You're not worried about your health.

00:57:06.000 That's what I'm worried about. 0.99

00:57:07.000 If you go to fucking Mexico and buy 60 D-balls, are they D-ball or are they D-ball plus? 0.99

00:57:13.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:57:13.000 I've never bought any pharmaceuticals while in Mexico. 1.00

00:57:16.000 Oh, so you've been down there?

00:57:17.000 Yeah, I've been to Mexico.

00:57:18.000 I've been to Cancun.

00:57:20.000 I've been to...

00:57:21.000 Where else have I been?

00:57:22.000 I've been to Tijuana, but only very briefly.

00:57:24.000 Have you been to Cabo?

00:57:24.000 No.

00:57:25.000 I'm one other place in Mexico.

00:57:26.000 I only go to Cabo.

00:57:27.000 I heard that was...

00:57:27.000 Oh, I went to where Chichen Itza is.

00:57:30.000 I went to see the ruins in Chichen Itza.

00:57:33.000 So that was in Mexico, too.

00:57:35.000 But this was before Mexico had so much problems.

00:57:39.000 Yeah, back then, I did an MTV Spring Break thing from Cancun.

00:57:42.000 Wow.

00:57:42.000 When I was on Fear Factor.

00:57:45.000 Do you have that on tape somewhere?

00:57:46.000 No.

00:57:47.000 It was just like, here's this band.

00:57:50.000 Here comes this band.

00:57:52.000 You wearing a wine shirt?

00:57:54.000 I don't wonder what I was wearing.

00:57:56.000 I might have went shirtless because I'm so swole. 1.00

00:57:58.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:58:00.000 You did a Sandler. 1.00

00:58:01.000 I don't think I did, though.

00:58:02.000 I don't think I went shirtless.

00:58:03.000 If I did, how dare I? We're outside.

00:58:06.000 It's fun.

00:58:07.000 It was fun, but I didn't know who any of the bands were.

00:58:09.000 Even back then, I still was in the dark.

00:58:12.000 I still went with all the new bands.

00:58:14.000 It's so hard to reach me. 0.99

00:58:16.000 If you were trying to sell me some shit, I don't listen to the radio. 0.99

00:58:21.000 Do you ever listen to Ben Folds? 0.99

00:58:23.000 I want to know if you would like Ben Folds.

00:58:25.000 I wonder if you would like Ben Folds.

00:58:26.000 I'm so far behind.

00:58:28.000 You've got to think that every year a new couple of bands come along.

00:58:31.000 And if they're good, they stick around.

00:58:33.000 And there's no way you can keep in track with all of them. 0.99

00:58:36.000 If someone, a great song will be playing, I'll go, who is this fucking band? 0.98

00:58:40.000 It's awesome. 0.99

00:58:40.000 What's this song? 0.99

00:58:41.000 And then someone will tell me.

00:58:42.000 And I'm like...

00:58:43.000 I've never heard of them.

00:58:44.000 They have the number one album in the country.

00:58:46.000 They've been the number one band for two years.

00:58:48.000 And I'm like, wow.

00:58:49.000 I missed their whole...

00:58:51.000 I'm completely out of the loop.

00:58:53.000 This guy named Ben Folds, he used to be in a band called Ben Folds 5. And then he left the band.

00:58:59.000 And he has this CD that he lives in Australia now.

00:59:04.000 And he has kids and family.

00:59:05.000 And he moved there.

00:59:07.000 And now he released an album that he played every single instrument on the CD and then combined them into one.

00:59:14.000 And it is some of the best music-wise.

00:59:18.000 What kind of music is it?

00:59:19.000 It's just jammy, a lot of pianos.

00:59:24.000 It's jammy.

00:59:25.000 If I play you a song, you'll be like, oh, I've heard this before. 0.97

00:59:29.000 He does a song like, Rock in the Suburbs, you know, and shit like that. 1.00

00:59:32.000 I bet I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. 0.98

00:59:35.000 But I would love to see if you got into that, or if you hated it, kind of like a Grateful Dead kind of thing. 0.99

00:59:41.000 I never hated the Dead, I just couldn't get into it.

00:59:43.000 To me, it was almost like I was out of tune with it.

00:59:46.000 I couldn't get, I don't know.

00:59:48.000 They say you have to get into it.

00:59:50.000 Here's the way that Dead is to me.

00:59:51.000 I like Working Man's Dead.

00:59:53.000 I like On the Mountain, Fire on the Mountain, a couple songs.

00:59:56.000 I went to see them with Santana and Public Enemy. 0.88

00:59:59.000 I don't fuck around at Red Rocks, but their whole repertoire is so much. 0.86

01:00:04.000 It's the fans that always startled me, Doug. 0.98

01:00:07.000 I lived in Boulder.

01:00:09.000 They pull up with a bus. 0.99

01:00:09.000 They haven't showered in a fucking six months. 0.99

01:00:11.000 You know, they're following this band. 1.00

01:00:13.000 You're looking at them.

01:00:14.000 Are they really dirty? 0.97

01:00:15.000 Are they hippies? 0.99

01:00:16.000 Half of them are trust funders hiding it.

01:00:18.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:00:18.000 Like, oh, fuck corporations. 1.00

01:00:21.000 But meanwhile, that's how they're living off dad's fucking credit card. 1.00

01:00:25.000 Sneaking showers. 0.99

01:00:26.000 Meanwhile, they drive a Beamer, but they hide it around the corner.

01:00:29.000 Oh yeah, Boulder's very unique. 0.99

01:00:31.000 A lot of kids get to Boulder and they're anti-fucking corporation, anti-money. 1.00

01:00:36.000 Meanwhile, your dad owns fucking Pepsi. 1.00

01:00:38.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:00:39.000 Get it together, you dumb little fuck, before I smack you. 1.00

01:00:42.000 There's a lot of that rebelling from their successful father as well. 1.00

01:00:46.000 Fuck him! 1.00

01:00:47.000 But meanwhile, you got an Audi and you haven't worked the whole time. 1.00

01:00:50.000 And you're buying big bags of weed.

01:00:52.000 So cut it out.

01:00:53.000 There's a weird balance between your parents being successful and your parents being a good parent.

01:00:59.000 Because if the parent is really successful, they probably have to work a lot.

01:01:02.000 And if they work all the time, constantly, they're probably not going to be around as much, so they're not going to be as good of a father. 0.98

01:01:09.000 And if you're going to dedicate more time to your work than you are to your kids, your kids are probably going to grow up to fucking resent you. 0.95

01:01:16.000 And that's what happens. 0.97

01:01:17.000 You get a lot of these trust fund, liberal...

01:01:20.000 He was there for me.

01:01:22.000 He never went to Nenheim Ballet.

01:01:24.000 Check your balance on your account. 1.00

01:01:26.000 What's in the fucking account? 1.00

01:01:28.000 Did you ever need anything? 1.00

01:01:29.000 No, then shut the fuck up, cocksucker. 1.00

01:01:31.000 I have a friend that I grew up with, and every time he had three beers, my father never went to none of my football games. 1.00

01:01:37.000 Really?

01:01:38.000 Look at the nice sneakers you had. 1.00

01:01:39.000 You had a fucking 300ZX in fucking high school, your first car, and you're still bitching about your fucking parents? 1.00

01:01:45.000 You know, they can't do everything, bro. 1.00

01:01:47.000 You cannot be the perfect parent.

01:01:48.000 You cannot. 1.00

01:01:50.000 All you could do is fucking try. 1.00

01:01:52.000 Because somebody's not going to be happy with your fucking job. 1.00

01:01:55.000 I would hope that you could teach your children to not think like that. 0.99

01:01:58.000 I would hope that you'd be able to teach your children to not blame your parents for every little aspect of your life.

01:02:05.000 It would be nice if your parents, everybody's parents, were around a little bit more, but...

01:02:08.000 What is that sound?

01:02:13.000 You guys hear some sound?

01:02:15.000 I think it's Joey Diaz's phone.

01:02:16.000 Is that your phone, Joey?

01:02:17.000 I think, but I had it off.

01:02:20.000 Yeah, that's right. 1.00

01:02:22.000 Which one of my bitches is calling me and shit. 1.00

01:02:25.000 Who is calling me? 1.00

01:02:25.000 Was it a phone call? 1.00

01:02:27.000 Because it was like muffled in the distance. 0.96

01:02:29.000 It was confusing the shit out of me. 0.82

01:02:31.000 I got a text from Joey Diaz the other day.

01:02:33.000 I did too.

01:02:33.000 It's amazing.

01:02:35.000 Joey Diaz is texting.

01:02:36.000 I'm at the movie theater.

01:02:37.000 No, no, no.

01:02:38.000 I'll tell you what happened.

01:02:39.000 That's what you're going to do.

01:02:40.000 You're going to start tweeting like that. 0.99

01:02:42.000 Like a stripper. 1.00

01:02:43.000 Went to Ralph's.

01:02:45.000 OMG, it's packed in here.

01:02:47.000 No, no, no.

01:02:47.000 This is what happens.

01:02:49.000 When you call this number, right?

01:02:51.000 Let's say you call me.

01:02:53.000 Sometimes I'm in my pocket.

01:02:55.000 It's in your pocket.

01:02:56.000 So when I go in, there's a thing on the bottom that slides up and it gives you all these excuses to press.

01:03:03.000 So when people call you, so I don't know what I'm pressing.

01:03:06.000 Right.

01:03:06.000 So sometimes people call me back and go, dog, I called you, you sent me back, you went through, where'd you go see?

01:03:10.000 What are you talking about?

01:03:11.000 You just text me, you were at the cinema.

01:03:13.000 You think Joey Diaz says I'm at the cinema? 0.99

01:03:15.000 I would say I'm at the movies, cocksucker. 1.00

01:03:17.000 Call me later. 0.99

01:03:18.000 The cinema.

01:03:18.000 The cinema, yes.

01:03:19.000 Right or wrong? 1.00

01:03:20.000 That's the one I always press, is fucking cinema. 0.99

01:03:23.000 Like, there's a bunch of them, I'll show it to you. 0.99

01:03:25.000 So people keep thinking, oh, Joey, text me, he's texting. 0.96

01:03:28.000 Don't get too fucking done. 0.97

01:03:28.000 That's so funny. 0.97

01:03:29.000 Don't get carried away, cocksuckers. 1.00

01:03:31.000 Well, you actually sent me a real text. 0.97

01:03:32.000 Yeah, you know who taught me? 0.99

01:03:33.000 Fucking, I had to ask the kid's daughter to teach me how to text on my phone. 1.00

01:03:37.000 Really? 1.00

01:03:37.000 She's five. 1.00

01:03:39.000 Really? 1.00

01:03:39.000 She's fucking five. 1.00

01:03:40.000 I'm like, I don't know how to text on it. 0.99

01:03:42.000 Kid took the thing from me.

01:03:43.000 She goes, who do you want to text?

01:03:45.000 She went through the whole thing. 1.00

01:03:46.000 She hit applications, went through the fucking messaging. 0.99

01:03:49.000 What kind of phone do you have there, Joey? 0.99

01:03:51.000 What is that, an Android phone? 0.99

01:03:53.000 Galaxy 4, whatever the fuck it is. 0.97

01:03:54.000 How old is that one? 0.97

01:03:55.000 Six months?

01:03:56.000 Six months.

01:03:57.000 It's crazy how much phones are progressing, how quick.

01:04:01.000 They get that Galaxy S3 that just came out, and my friend Matt has it. 0.86

01:04:06.000 I was fucking around with it the other day. 0.95

01:04:07.000 It's amazing, man. 1.00

01:04:08.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:04:09.000 It's amazing. 1.00

01:04:10.000 First of all, it's fast as shit. 0.99

01:04:12.000 Like, it's really smooth. 0.99

01:04:13.000 When you go back and forth between the menus, and when you open things up, the speed of it is really fast.

01:04:19.000 The pictures are beautiful.

01:04:21.000 The video is beautiful. 0.99

01:04:23.000 The screen is fucking beautiful. 0.98

01:04:24.000 It's huge, man. 0.98

01:04:26.000 You start watching videos on it or watching anything on the internet on it.

01:04:31.000 It's nice to have Flash, too.

01:04:33.000 It's kind of interesting.

01:04:34.000 Interesting to see.

01:04:35.000 Very nice. 0.99

01:04:36.000 They have some badass fucking phones now. 1.00

01:04:38.000 Flash can eat my asshole. 1.00

01:04:39.000 Very nice. 1.00

01:04:40.000 Flash is getting worse and worse and worse.

01:04:43.000 It's gotten to the point now where my computer, and I found out this does it on Alienware, this does it on every computer that uses Flash, where it will load up a Flash movie, and then your whole computer just kind of freezes for like a second, and then it kind of catches back up.

01:04:58.000 That's Flash!

01:04:59.000 If you look at your computer CPU monitor and then you do that, you'll notice it goes up to 100% from like 10%.

01:05:08.000 How is a dual core, whatever, triple core, fast top of the line computer like that? 0.98

01:05:15.000 It can't handle a fucking flash? 0.94

01:05:18.000 I don't know enough about computing to say if that's right. 1.00

01:05:21.000 Eat AIDS. I don't think you can eat AIDS. I think if someone could give you a bowl of AIDS, you could be fine.

01:05:27.000 So let's put Flash on your fucking phone. 1.00

01:05:30.000 I don't think AIDS goes in that way. 1.00

01:05:31.000 A bowl of AIDS. How long is this?

01:05:33.000 Could you just scoop up a bowl of AIDS? What do you think? 0.99

01:05:35.000 What color would it be?

01:05:36.000 I'd say yellow.

01:05:37.000 A bowl of yellow AIDS. Why don't we enjoy and let Flash onto our phone?

01:05:42.000 That seems like a good idea.

01:05:44.000 Why don't you just change the subject like everybody else? 1.00

01:05:47.000 Go with the flow, you fuck. 1.00

01:05:49.000 This Flash thing. 1.00

01:05:50.000 He's obsessed with it.

01:05:51.000 But what's Flash?

01:05:52.000 It's just a program that you run on Android phones that you can't run on Apple iPhones.

01:05:58.000 It's essentially web animation.

01:06:01.000 It looks like little videos.

01:06:02.000 YouTube used to use it, but a lot of what they use now is HTML5, and they also have it directly for the iPhone.

01:06:09.000 So anytime you click on a YouTube video, you have a YouTube application that opens up, so it recognizes most new videos pretty quickly.

01:06:17.000 It's like, hey, my phone also has a floppy disk and the iPhone doesn't, so...

01:06:21.000 Well, yeah, I definitely think that it works really seamlessly on the iPhone. 0.75

01:06:28.000 Like when I go to YouTube videos and shit like that, it works pretty fucking smooth. 0.61

01:06:32.000 And it would have to be... 0.94

01:06:33.000 I would have to be really impressed with how well it worked on the Droid to think about switching over just because of that.

01:06:39.000 I tell you, the hottest thing...

01:06:41.000 Hottest thing in Mac technology...

01:06:43.000 No, I'm just kidding.

01:06:43.000 The hottest thing right now I think is cool...

01:06:47.000 is the new operating system.

01:06:50.000 The new operating system, new Mac OS, has screen sharing on it, So you can just hit this button.

01:07:02.000 And any TV that has Apple TV, it sends your monitor to the TV now.

01:07:07.000 So if you want to work on a 70-inch resolution screen on your laptop or whatever, you just hit this button and it will flip it to your TV. So I'm sitting there watching YouTube or doing websites and watching videos on my big TV. Yeah.

01:07:25.000 All of our brains are going to break.

01:07:27.000 The integration, the technological integration, it's just getting too crazy.

01:07:32.000 It's getting nuttier and nuttier.

01:07:34.000 Joe Rogan, I got to give you something.

01:07:35.000 I forgot I got a video for you.

01:07:37.000 What is it?

01:07:38.000 What is it?

01:07:43.000 Pink Floyd.

01:07:45.000 Live at Pompeii.

01:07:47.000 Echoes.

01:07:48.000 Yeah? 0.98

01:07:50.000 They fucking go out in that arena in Pompeii. 0.99

01:07:55.000 Put it on real quick. 0.99

01:07:57.000 Tell me what it is again.

01:07:58.000 Pink Floyd live at Pompeii.

01:08:00.000 Just put echoes.

01:08:01.000 Pink Floyd echoes and they'll say live at Pompeii.

01:08:03.000 And click it up and fast forward the video to like...

01:08:07.000 Two minutes.

01:08:09.000 Pink Floyd Echoes Part 1?

01:08:11.000 Yes.

01:08:11.000 Live at Pompeii.

01:08:12.000 Oh, Live at Pompeii.

01:08:13.000 Hold on. 0.99

01:08:14.000 Now, who the fuck went to Pompeii? 0.99

01:08:16.000 Anybody even know what Pompeii is? 0.99

01:08:17.000 Live at Pompeii.

01:08:18.000 Here it is.

01:08:18.000 Part 1. Is it in Pompano?

01:08:20.000 No, it isn't in Pompano.

01:08:22.000 And how far do I go in?

01:08:23.000 Go in like two minutes into the video.

01:08:25.000 Well, I can't do it.

01:08:26.000 This is...

01:08:27.000 It also has a...

01:08:29.000 I can go to you to stream and shut this off.

01:08:31.000 Hold on a second.

01:08:32.000 It's got what?

01:08:33.000 I gotta go to Ustream and shut off the volume.

01:08:35.000 You gotta see the, and I seen this movie as a kid on acid, and the other night somebody sent it to me, and I went to YouTube, and I had to watch it three times in a row.

01:08:43.000 Okay, where do I tune into it?

01:08:44.000 Go two minutes into it. 1.00

01:08:46.000 Like, let it set, and then just watch these motherfuckers. 1.00

01:08:49.000 I mean, this is... 1.00

01:08:51.000 It's some Greek statues.

01:08:55.000 Oh yeah, this is, they're out there, dog. 1.00

01:08:59.000 If you had a fucking time machine... 1.00

01:09:01.000 This is really cool, bro. 1.00

01:09:02.000 If you had a time machine, what culture would you go back and watch?

01:09:04.000 With the Greeks. 1.00

01:09:05.000 The Greeks? 0.68

01:09:06.000 Why's that? 0.98

01:09:08.000 How fucking cool was it? 0.99

01:09:09.000 They had that Colosseum where Bruce Lee fought just so many fucking things. 0.99

01:09:13.000 I think that's Rome, brother. 0.98

01:09:15.000 Rome?

01:09:15.000 Whatever.

01:09:15.000 Same thing.

01:09:16.000 The Romans, the Corinthians.

01:09:17.000 I'm confused, dog.

01:09:19.000 Who's the Corinthians? 0.58

01:09:20.000 They're the wasps.

01:09:22.000 That's who they became.

01:09:23.000 The Romans became the Italians. 0.99

01:09:25.000 The Corinthians?

01:09:26.000 Who'd the Corinthians become? 0.84

01:09:27.000 Yeah, white people. 0.99

01:09:28.000 Wasp. 0.69

01:09:28.000 Is it French? 0.69

01:09:29.000 No, they're the ones Jesus talked to first.

01:09:31.000 Remember Jesus told the Corinthians?

01:09:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:09:34.000 I thought they were fucking white people. 1.00

01:09:36.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:09:36.000 Like Anglos. 1.00

01:09:37.000 I don't know.

01:09:38.000 I've rejected all my teachings of my youth.

01:09:42.000 Let me have some of your parents.

01:09:43.000 But he's...

01:09:45.000 Yeah, this is a weird thing.

01:09:48.000 Why are they in Pompeii?

01:09:49.000 They're doing a live album.

01:09:50.000 Just give it a minute. 1.00

01:09:52.000 Listen to this fucking music, though. 1.00

01:09:54.000 They're like on a steaming island. 1.00

01:09:56.000 Oh my god, it's amazing.

01:09:58.000 Pictures of Greek gods.

01:10:01.000 I would pick ancient Egypt.

01:10:03.000 I would pick Egypt over Greece. 0.84

01:10:06.000 But I think Greece would be pretty dope too. 0.99

01:10:08.000 But I would like to, right when the pyramids were being built, I would love to have gone to see what the fuck they were living like. 1.00

01:10:15.000 They keep finding shit. 0.99

01:10:17.000 They keep pushing back the date of civilization later and later and later. 0.99

01:10:22.000 They found tools recently and proof that civilization is at least 20,000 years older than they thought it was.

01:10:31.000 That's a big jump. 0.97

01:10:32.000 20,000 years is a big goddamn jump. 0.94

01:10:36.000 And they're still finding stuff all the time. 0.97

01:10:39.000 Who knows how much stuff is still buried in Turkey.

01:10:41.000 Turkey is where they found Troy.

01:10:45.000 Turkey is where they found Gobekli Tepe.

01:10:48.000 Turkey's where they found that statue in The Exorcist.

01:10:51.000 Yeah, that's right. 1.00

01:10:51.000 The two dogs are fighting out in the fucking wilderness. 1.00

01:10:53.000 Bro, you watch that again. 1.00

01:10:55.000 I'm telling you, I always talk about it because it's such a well-made movie.

01:10:58.000 Oh, yeah.

01:10:58.000 When he's in Arabia or in Africa, because that's in Africa.

01:11:01.000 That's where the devil lives.

01:11:03.000 The devil lives in Africa?

01:11:04.000 Yeah.

01:11:04.000 How do you know?

01:11:05.000 Because, bro, everybody lives in Africa. 1.00

01:11:08.000 All that shit started in Africa, bro. 1.00

01:11:10.000 Really? 1.00

01:11:10.000 It all started. 1.00

01:11:11.000 This whole party started in Africa.

01:11:13.000 If you look back, look at it. 1.00

01:11:15.000 It all started in fucking Africa. 1.00

01:11:16.000 Brian, where's your dog, man? 1.00

01:11:19.000 You shut that door so she can't eat cat shit? 1.00

01:11:24.000 Okay. 1.00

01:11:24.000 I just want to make sure she doesn't eat cat shit. 1.00

01:11:26.000 Because that's rude. 0.99

01:11:28.000 It's grass.

01:11:29.000 Oh, there was another thing they found recently, man.

01:11:32.000 I wanted to talk about this.

01:11:33.000 They found evidence that a mass amount of people were killed in London in the 1500s by a volcano.

01:11:43.000 London volcano deaths.

01:11:46.000 I was in the middle.

01:11:48.000 I was running out the door when I read this.

01:11:52.000 And, um...

01:11:53.000 I didn't get a chance to really look at it, like, deep in there.

01:11:57.000 But this is, apparently, it's a recent discovery.

01:11:59.000 And what they've decided is that, um...

01:12:05.000 They found thousands of skeletons in mass graves in London's East End.

01:12:09.000 And they believe that many were victims of a 13th century volcanic eruption.

01:12:15.000 Hmm.

01:12:16.000 Isn't that nuts? 1.00

01:12:16.000 That's fucking crazy. 1.00

01:12:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:12:19.000 They found, um...

01:12:21.000 Wow, this is amazing, man.

01:12:23.000 The skeletons were uncovered next to...

01:12:26.000 Wow, this is a weird word.

01:12:28.000 Spitalfields?

01:12:29.000 Spitalfields?

01:12:30.000 Spitalfields Market.

01:12:32.000 When the new...

01:12:33.000 New Spittle Square.

01:12:36.000 What?

01:12:37.000 What kind of a name is that?

01:12:38.000 New Spittle Square?

01:12:40.000 Um, development was started 20 years ago. 1.00

01:12:43.000 So I guess they started digging and they found this shit. 0.83

01:12:46.000 And now a 10-year ecological investigation by the Museum of London has discovered that the likely cause to be volcano, which led to world temperatures cooling down and crops failing, resulting in a mass starvation. 0.99

01:13:00.000 Holy shit.

01:13:02.000 10,500 skeletons dating from the 12th to the 16th century were uncovered by the archaeologists, including mass burial pits that had scientists baffled because the radiocarbon dating didn't match known events in medieval England like the Black Death or the Great Famine. 0.99

01:13:19.000 That's incredible.

01:13:20.000 This is 1258. There was a colossal volcano in 1258. Wow!

01:13:28.000 This is amazing, man.

01:13:31.000 So this is a new discovery that such a massive global natural disaster has been identified in a small area of East London.

01:13:41.000 That's incredible, man. 0.99

01:13:44.000 That is amazing shit. 0.99

01:13:48.000 Yeah, we don't know too much. 1.00

01:13:49.000 You know?

01:13:50.000 When they really talk about history, like what we really know about the past, man, we don't really know that much. 0.96

01:13:55.000 We don't know dick. 0.99

01:13:56.000 We just make a fucking assumption. 1.00

01:13:57.000 We dig, we dig, we dig. 1.00

01:13:59.000 And every other week we come up with a new fucking assumption. 0.99

01:14:01.000 It's amazing how much we're finding. 1.00

01:14:02.000 And that fucking tape of Mars either. 0.99

01:14:04.000 That looks kinky to me too. 1.00

01:14:05.000 You don't think that's real?

01:14:07.000 Nah, it's fine. 0.99

01:14:07.000 And who gives a fuck? 0.99

01:14:09.000 You're gonna go to Mars now? 1.00

01:14:10.000 Now $14 billion with all the shit we got going on in this fucking country? 1.00

01:14:14.000 Mars for what? 1.00

01:14:15.000 Who gives a fuck about Mars? 1.00

01:14:17.000 I'm sitting there going, this is Fugazi, this fucking tape. 1.00

01:14:19.000 They made this in Burbank. 0.99

01:14:21.000 Well, this is what I think.

01:14:22.000 I think, first of all, yeah, they did go, and it's awesome.

01:14:25.000 And when you spend money on scientific innovation for space travel, you're dealing with the cream of the crop of people that are trying to figure out how to manipulate space and matter and transport things and how to...

01:14:41.000 I mean, you're dealing with the most...

01:14:44.000 The most knowledgeable scientists on Earth strive to be- Then how come they get gas for $2?

01:14:51.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:14:52.000 Joey, come on.

01:14:53.000 I mean, I'm serious, but this is what I'm saying to you. 0.99

01:14:54.000 You're being silly. 1.00

01:14:55.000 No, no, no, but I'm just talking from the- It does all this shit! 1.00

01:14:59.000 I know, but what's it got to do with the fucking price of eggs? 1.00

01:15:01.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:15:02.000 We got fucking AIDS, we got diseases, we got fat kids running around. 1.00

01:15:06.000 What the fuck do I give a fuck if a thing lands in Mars? 1.00

01:15:09.000 That doesn't mean- Definitely we should pay attention to those things. 0.99

01:15:11.000 It doesn't mean we shouldn't go and explore the universe. 0.98

01:15:15.000 I know, but little by little, we're fucking dying here, dawg. 0.99

01:15:18.000 This country's fucking dying. 1.00

01:15:20.000 We got time. 1.00

01:15:21.000 I don't give a fuck what goes on at Mars. 0.99

01:15:22.000 I don't give a fuck what goes on in London either in 1529. I'm from the church of what's happening now, motherfucker. 1.00

01:15:28.000 If you care about that shit, you got too much fucking time on your hands, guy. 1.00

01:15:32.000 Fucking Mars! 1.00

01:15:33.000 What they got to do? 1.00

01:15:34.000 We got houses shutting the fuck down. 0.94

01:15:36.000 You got billions of dollars to go to Mars? 0.99

01:15:39.000 I don't give a fuck about Mars. 0.98

01:15:40.000 Why don't you get this excited about the wars? 0.99

01:15:42.000 Because that costs a thousand times more than going to Mars. 0.99

01:15:43.000 Bro, I don't get excited about none of that shit because it doesn't have to... 1.00

01:15:45.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:15:46.000 They've been fighting for 10 years and I'm still paying $5 for fucking gas, guy. 1.00

01:15:51.000 The money we're spending on the war is a billion. 1.00

01:15:54.000 Billions!

01:15:54.000 Billions and billions of dollars.

01:15:55.000 Garbage! 1.00

01:15:55.000 Every fucking year! 1.00

01:15:56.000 So now we got to spend more fucking money on going to Mars? 1.00

01:15:59.000 It's bad enough for fucking Afghanistan! 1.00

01:16:01.000 That Mars thing is a positive thing. 0.99

01:16:03.000 The Mars thing, they're going to get innovation out of this project that's going to aid them in everything else.

01:16:08.000 It's going to eventually lead to, who knows what kind of space travel eventually we're going to have.

01:16:13.000 We're never going to go and I'm never going to go. 0.99

01:16:14.000 So who gives a fuck? 0.98

01:16:15.000 It got nothing to do with us. 0.99

01:16:16.000 That's what the problem with us is. 0.99

01:16:17.000 We care about shit that got nothing to fucking do with us. 0.99

01:16:20.000 This is why I care about it, because it's cool as fuck. 0.99

01:16:22.000 When that thing lands on Mars and starts taking pictures and sending it through the sky, and I see a room full of people who've worked on nothing but this for years, and they're cheering. 0.98

01:16:31.000 I think it's fucking awesome. 0.98

01:16:32.000 The only time I cheer, I guess when somebody scores, and I pick up an envelope, it's a fucking... 0.98

01:16:35.000 Alright, you're going to jump up and down because somebody landed in Mars. 1.00

01:16:39.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:16:39.000 Like a bunch of fucking geeks that they were with blue shirts on and shit. 1.00

01:16:43.000 Jumping up and fucking down. 1.00

01:16:44.000 But Joey, that's their art. 0.99

01:16:44.000 That's what NASA is. 0.99

01:16:46.000 NASA is all the geeks of the world put together.

01:16:48.000 And I appreciate travel.

01:16:50.000 You know, ten years ago we hung out for years and you would talk about the moon landing was fake. 0.99

01:16:54.000 Now all of a sudden you're happy about fucking Mars, guy. 0.99

01:16:56.000 Come on, man. 0.99

01:16:57.000 Come on.

01:16:58.000 Are they all connected? 0.81

01:17:00.000 I'm sick and tired of Martians, vampires, and all this waste of thought that goes out every day. 0.86

01:17:05.000 It's waste of thought. 0.96

01:17:07.000 We got bigger things to fry.

01:17:09.000 Gas is $5 a tank. 1.00

01:17:10.000 We got this Milt Romney guy who's a fucking commie cocksucker wasp. 1.00

01:17:15.000 Fuck from Idaho or Utah, wherever the fuck he's from, against Obama. 1.00

01:17:19.000 The only thing that's going on good day is his wife because she's making fat kids get fucking skinny. 1.00

01:17:23.000 That's it. 1.00

01:17:24.000 I mean, what the fuck? 1.00

01:17:25.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:17:26.000 We don't even have a president. 1.00

01:17:27.000 We don't even have somebody to vote for the next four years. 0.98

01:17:29.000 And we're worried about fucking Mars Joe Rogan. 0.98

01:17:31.000 Really? 0.99

01:17:32.000 About fucking what happened in England in 1529? 0.98

01:17:34.000 We need to fucking know what's going to happen in the next three years. 0.99

01:17:37.000 You know what, dog? 0.99

01:17:38.000 You're right.

01:17:39.000 I'm about to have a baby. 0.98

01:17:40.000 And I'm fucking scared. 0.98

01:17:41.000 Because what is he going to have in 40 years? 0.96

01:17:43.000 What are we going to have? 1.00

01:17:43.000 We're going to be getting fucked in the ass by Arabs. 1.00

01:17:45.000 By a bunch of white people. 1.00

01:17:47.000 We landed on Mars! 0.98

01:17:49.000 Go see if the Arabs are jumping up and down. 1.00

01:17:51.000 They're fucking going, wait till we get those wipes. 1.00

01:17:53.000 If they get excited like that about landing on Mars, wait till they sniff this Arab asshole as they're sucking my dick. 1.00

01:17:59.000 Does my daughter have to learn Spanish? 1.00

01:18:02.000 Or does she have to learn fucking Arab in the next 20 fucking years? 1.00

01:18:05.000 That's what I'm worried about, dog. 1.00

01:18:07.000 Does my kid have to go to school with 80 fucking foreigners? 1.00

01:18:10.000 That's what I worry about. 1.00

01:18:11.000 So fuck Mars, bro. 1.00

01:18:12.000 I don't want to hear about fucking Mars and a bunch of fucking waspy fucked with glasses jumping up and down because we landed on Mars. 1.00

01:18:19.000 There's a fucking mortgages upside down in this country. 1.00

01:18:22.000 Fucking people are homeless. 1.00

01:18:23.000 I understand that, Joey, but are you going to stop doing stand-up? 1.00

01:18:25.000 No.

01:18:26.000 I'm not going to stop doing nothing.

01:18:27.000 So why would they stop putting that rover on Mars?

01:18:30.000 But what's Mars got to do with the price of eggs?

01:18:31.000 Joey, that's what they do.

01:18:33.000 That's what they do.

01:18:34.000 I know that, but what's it got to do with the price of eggs?

01:18:35.000 Their art is creating something Their art is creating something that can fly through fuckin' space for a year.

01:18:43.000 That's great! 0.97

01:18:43.000 Land on your fuckin' time! 0.97

01:18:45.000 When I go to the hockey and they pay me, these motherfuckers are using my money to go to fuckin' Mars. 1.00

01:18:51.000 They take a half of your fuckin' check and they take half of my fuckin' check to go to Mars, motherfucker? 1.00

01:18:55.000 Do you get angry when they take that money and they go to war? 1.00

01:18:58.000 I don't even think about it, but war is something that...

01:19:01.000 There's a lot more of that.

01:19:01.000 Well, war, we need war!

01:19:03.000 We're fine.

01:19:04.000 How much money do we make by going to Mars?

01:19:06.000 What are we going to put on Mars?

01:19:07.000 What are we going to put on Mars?

01:19:09.000 How are we going to make?

01:19:10.000 How are we going to pick up an envelope?

01:19:11.000 There ain't a Jew that's happy right now about what's going on in Mars. 1.00

01:19:15.000 This podcast is sponsored by ear doctors all across America.

01:19:18.000 The conspiracy is... 1.00

01:19:19.000 Fuck that shit! 1.00

01:19:20.000 Black helicopters have hired Joey Diaz to make people blow their eardrums out! 1.00

01:19:25.000 That pisses me the fuck off! 0.99

01:19:27.000 It's a conspiracy! 0.99

01:19:28.000 We have so many things going on in this country.

01:19:31.000 Schools are closing. 0.99

01:19:32.000 Fucking... 1.00

01:19:33.000 He's immoral! 1.00

01:19:35.000 Inhuman bastards! 1.00

01:19:36.000 And we gotta go to fucking Mars to give a fuck? 1.00

01:19:39.000 Joey, I support your hubris on this. 1.00

01:19:42.000 No, no, no.

01:19:42.000 And listen, bro, I don't mind.

01:19:43.000 We gotta send three Puerto Ricans over there to stab an Arab. 1.00

01:19:46.000 That's what needs to be done. 1.00

01:19:47.000 They're gonna blow up a fucking building. 1.00

01:19:49.000 Or three black guys to stab an Arab. 1.00

01:19:50.000 That's what needs to be done. 1.00

01:19:51.000 War is money. 0.99

01:19:53.000 The fucking bottom line, the square root of war, guy, is Gidus. 0.99

01:19:57.000 And we've all known that. 1.00

01:19:58.000 Gidus.

01:19:59.000 That's the square root of money.

01:20:00.000 I don't see any Gidus, and that's going to Mars, except taking a bunch of rich people and charging them to take them to Mars is a cool trick. 0.75

01:20:06.000 Well, let me explain to you. 0.99

01:20:07.000 Every fucking drone that's flying in Pakistan and taking out Al-Qaeda, if you believe in that shit, Bill's a master. 1.00

01:20:14.000 I agree. 1.00

01:20:15.000 By scientists.

01:20:16.000 Beautiful!

01:20:17.000 And I'm with them! 0.92

01:20:17.000 If you want to argue about keeping people safe, the best way to keep people safe, look, I'm not saying that I advocate drones because a fuckload of civilians have died from the use of drone attack, but if they eventually get that shit wired to the point where they can kill everybody they want to kill, that's where, it's the scientists that are involved in making that shit are the same scientists that are involved in making all sorts of different spacecrafts and aircrafts. 0.92

01:20:41.000 And I love them that they're making the spacecraft. 0.93

01:20:43.000 It's technology, man. 0.98

01:20:43.000 You want to kill somebody, I want to see the bullet that I don't need a gun for. 0.98

01:20:47.000 I just got to go like this, and it hits you and your head blows up. 1.00

01:20:49.000 I appreciate the scientists, but not right now, billions of dollars to go to fucking Mars. 0.99

01:20:54.000 Joey, that is a tiny fraction of what our military budget is. 0.95

01:20:59.000 It's a tiny faction.

01:21:00.000 But the military is fighting for our freedom.

01:21:01.000 What does Mars have to do with us?

01:21:04.000 Is a Martian going to come back to Vegas? 1.00

01:21:05.000 Joey, that's a crazy thing to say.

01:21:08.000 The military is fighting for our freedom?

01:21:10.000 Is that why we're in countries that have absolutely nothing to do with us?

01:21:13.000 Is that why we invaded them?

01:21:15.000 Come on, man.

01:21:15.000 That's crazy talk.

01:21:16.000 There's two sides to that fucking flag, brother. 1.00

01:21:18.000 You know we're good and we're bad. 1.00

01:21:19.000 We've got to kill some motherfuckers. 1.00

01:21:20.000 You've got to break a fucking few omelets to fucking make an omelet. 1.00

01:21:23.000 You've got to break some eggs to make a few omelets. 1.00

01:21:25.000 Whatever they're doing, it's a lot better than fucking they're selling drugs. 1.00

01:21:29.000 The CIA sells coke. 0.99

01:21:30.000 At least they're making money.

01:21:31.000 Mars ain't got nothing to do with it.

01:21:32.000 Here's the big thing, Joey.

01:21:34.000 Mars ain't got nothing to do with it.

01:21:34.000 Every time they send something to Mars or do these missions, they're also doing hundreds of experiments.

01:21:41.000 And these experiments are experiments that we can't do down on Earth. 0.85

01:21:47.000 And a lot of these experiments lead to other things that do help us out, like cures for cancer and fucking time travel. 0.98

01:21:55.000 Well, let's get the cue of the fucking gas to be $1.50. 0.99

01:21:57.000 It's going to come a point in time, if we follow the path that we're on right now, where we might not be living on this fucking planet anymore, where human beings might pollute this motherfucker to the point where we're going to want to escape. 0.99

01:22:09.000 And what they're going to do is they're going to send shit to Mars to terraform, just like they did in the movie Aliens. 0.99

01:22:14.000 And they're going to put a fucking fake atmosphere on Mars, and that's going to be a little escape colony. 0.99

01:22:19.000 Can I ask you a question? 0.99

01:22:21.000 What you got to do with us? 1.00

01:22:22.000 You'll be dead. 1.00

01:22:23.000 I'll be dead. 1.00

01:22:24.000 I don't care. 1.00

01:22:24.000 You'll be fucking dead. 1.00

01:22:25.000 You know what has to do with it? 1.00

01:22:26.000 I'm alive right now.

01:22:27.000 And when something lands on Mars, I get geeked out. 1.00

01:22:30.000 I want to see that shit. 0.99

01:22:31.000 It's amazing. 1.00

01:22:31.000 I get creeped out looking at the photos. 1.00

01:22:33.000 I'm like, that land, has that ever been seen before?

01:22:36.000 Has there been people that have walked on that? 0.99

01:22:38.000 Looks like fucking Arizona. 0.93

01:22:39.000 Well, you know, it does look like Arizona, but you know, there's a real theory that's a fascinating theory that Mars used to inhabit life and that it used to have an atmosphere, but it was hit by an asteroid. 0.97

01:22:50.000 And that's one of the reasons why they want to keep sending things there and get their tests, because if it was a planet that supported life like ours, but then it was hit by an asteroid, we realize that we've had mass extinctions on this planet, at least two of them that were caused by asteroids.

01:23:06.000 You know, hundreds of millions of years ago and then 65 million years ago.

01:23:09.000 They know that there's been some just doozies that have landed.

01:23:12.000 But it's possible that one could land that just kills the whole thing.

01:23:15.000 And that's a wrap.

01:23:16.000 Let me ask you something, bro.

01:23:17.000 What's that dog to do with you?

01:23:19.000 Can you sell an asteroid?

01:23:20.000 Can you bring an asteroid to a check, cash, and send a dog? 1.00

01:23:23.000 I'm here to get my fucking money! 1.00

01:23:25.000 Fucking asteroid! 1.00

01:23:25.000 Who are you going to vote for this year? 1.00

01:23:27.000 I mean, I don't want to...

01:23:28.000 Do you feel I'm going to write in Doug Stanhope?

01:23:30.000 Yeah, that's what I was thinking of doing.

01:23:31.000 Yeah, I'm going to write in Doug Stanhope.

01:23:32.000 I mean, do you see what's going on in this country?

01:23:36.000 Do you see what's going on in this country, Joe Rogan? 0.99

01:23:39.000 You're a fucking intelligent guy. 1.00

01:23:41.000 I'm a fucking momo, and I know that both of them are bums. 1.00

01:23:45.000 You're an intelligent guy. 1.00

01:23:46.000 You just looked me at my face and told me, you're not confident about anybody who's running for press in this country. 1.00

01:23:52.000 You and another fucking... 1.00

01:23:53.000 A million people feel that way. 1.00

01:23:55.000 Well, this is the real problem.

01:23:56.000 We feel that way. 0.99

01:23:57.000 They're gonna have to restructure this whole fucking thing. 0.99

01:24:00.000 The way this thing works now, first of all, getting people to office is absolute horseshit. 0.99

01:24:05.000 This whole electoral college, that might have worked when there was a hundred fucking farmers out there in the middle of Pennsylvania and that's it. 1.00

01:24:12.000 That shit is not gonna fly anymore. 1.00

01:24:14.000 That's stupid. 1.00

01:24:15.000 The electoral college is ridiculous. 1.00

01:24:17.000 It should be one person, one vote. 0.89

01:24:18.000 One adult, one vote. 0.99

01:24:19.000 You should be able to vote online, you fucks. 0.99

01:24:21.000 It should be real simple. 0.97

01:24:23.000 You should be able to register with a personal ID number, like your credit card information.

01:24:28.000 There should be some steps that you have to go to to authenticate Authenticate.

01:24:35.000 Authenticate your identity.

01:24:35.000 And then as soon as they authenticate you, as soon as they get you and they identify you, then you should be able to vote.

01:24:40.000 It shouldn't be some crazy electoral college and you have to go to some place and register and it's difficult to get in line to vote.

01:24:50.000 You've got to wait and get off work and you're, well, I'm going to go vote, so I've got to leave now and beat the rush.

01:24:55.000 Come on. 0.99

01:24:55.000 They're still sending me shit. 0.99

01:24:57.000 I've had a felony since 1987 and they're still fucking up sending me shit to vote, though. 1.00

01:25:01.000 That's funny. 0.99

01:25:02.000 Every year.

01:25:02.000 And they send me jury duty.

01:25:04.000 I gotta go down there for every fucking month and fucking argue with those people, though. 0.99

01:25:08.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

01:25:09.000 They send me jury duty.

01:25:10.000 I go, did you do a background check?

01:25:11.000 Yes, we did.

01:25:12.000 You're eligible for jury duty.

01:25:13.000 Can you believe I had to pay an attorney?

01:25:14.000 You're eligible for jury duty? 1.00

01:25:15.000 Bro, can you fucking 19 felonies and I'm eligible for fucking jury duty? 0.99

01:25:18.000 You had to pay an attorney to get you out of that? 1.00

01:25:21.000 Well, I had to lie because I had to tell him I had a movie.

01:25:23.000 I was going somewhere else.

01:25:24.000 So you got to do what you got to do.

01:25:25.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:25:28.000 Sorry about that. 0.97

01:25:29.000 That chocolate bar fucked me up. 0.75

01:25:31.000 It's alright, man. 0.97

01:25:32.000 I know what you're doing.

01:25:33.000 You're just having fun.

01:25:34.000 Nah, nah, nah.

01:25:35.000 Have you watched the Olympics? 1.00

01:25:36.000 Fuck no. 1.00

01:25:37.000 We talked about that. 1.00

01:25:38.000 I watched these little men fly through the air barefoot.

01:25:41.000 I watched a little wrestling.

01:25:43.000 I can't watch the basketball.

01:25:46.000 I watched the gymnastics a little bit.

01:25:47.000 It's interesting when it's happening.

01:25:49.000 What I like about the Olympics is that it becomes sort of a national festivity.

01:25:55.000 Everybody's rooting for us and excited.

01:25:58.000 Apparently the boxing team had the worst showing ever.

01:26:01.000 The boxing team didn't medal at all. 1.00

01:26:02.000 It was really fucked up. 0.98

01:26:03.000 It's like the first time ever. 0.98

01:26:05.000 Because everybody's doing MMA. Nobody's boxing no more.

01:26:07.000 I wonder if that's what it is.

01:26:08.000 That's it. 1.00

01:26:08.000 People said, fuck it. 1.00

01:26:09.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:26:10.000 I ain't doing it. 0.99

01:26:11.000 You know what?

01:26:12.000 I bet you're right.

01:26:12.000 But I was watching wrestling today when I was at the Y. Wrestling was on this afternoon.

01:26:16.000 So I didn't really understand what was going on.

01:26:18.000 Now, what happened with the judo Cuban guy?

01:26:21.000 He hit the ref or something?

01:26:22.000 A Cuban guy? 0.76

01:26:23.000 Yes.

01:26:24.000 A Taekwondo guy kicked the ref in the face. 1.00

01:26:25.000 Are you serious?

01:26:26.000 Yeah.

01:26:27.000 I saw this basketball game where somebody just, like, he seriously just ran into the guy and pretty much almost punched the guy's ball out of him. 0.93

01:26:35.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people getting fucking uptight. 0.75

01:26:38.000 I mean, you think about the pressure involved in being in the Olympics. 0.95

01:26:40.000 You represent your whole country and flying through the air.

01:26:44.000 Whoop, whoop, whoop.

01:26:47.000 I'm just trying to land perfect.

01:26:49.000 And that all your life has been built up for this moment.

01:26:52.000 To practice all for this one moment.

01:26:55.000 Just hurling yourself through the air.

01:26:57.000 Flipping. 0.99

01:26:58.000 It's gotta be a great fucking feeling. 0.99

01:26:59.000 It's gotta be insane. 0.99

01:27:00.000 It's gotta be a great feeling to win a medal.

01:27:03.000 It's just gotta be a great feeling to just be able to go to the Olympics. 1.00

01:27:05.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:27:06.000 And just to win a silver. 1.00

01:27:08.000 Whatever the fuck you want. 0.99

01:27:09.000 Do you think you could drop Michael Phelps off in the middle of the ocean and he would find a way to get to the shore? 1.00

01:27:13.000 Yeah.

01:27:14.000 How long do you think it would take that guy to drown?

01:27:17.000 Three days.

01:27:18.000 Seven days?

01:27:19.000 Seven days?

01:27:20.000 I think he could do two days.

01:27:22.000 No.

01:27:23.000 Two days of swimming?

01:27:24.000 He's a super athlete, man.

01:27:26.000 He's a super athlete, and it's salt water.

01:27:29.000 The ocean's got a little buoyancy.

01:27:31.000 Yeah.

01:27:33.000 Imagine if you get dropped off, okay?

01:27:35.000 To your right in one mile is an island.

01:27:38.000 To your left in 2,000 miles is the shore.

01:27:42.000 And where do you go?

01:27:44.000 Do you go left?

01:27:44.000 Do you go right?

01:27:45.000 Could you imagine? 1.00

01:27:46.000 You're like, fuck, I don't know which way to go. 0.99

01:27:47.000 But you don't know where the island is. 1.00

01:27:49.000 You don't know.

01:27:50.000 You're in the middle, all you see.

01:27:51.000 You could get in a spot in the water where all you see is water.

01:27:54.000 And could you imagine that decision?

01:27:56.000 Go left or go right?

01:27:58.000 How do you trust your instincts?

01:27:59.000 How do you not second guess yourself?

01:28:01.000 Do you tune yourself into true north? 1.00

01:28:02.000 How do you know where the fucking land is? 1.00

01:28:05.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:28:06.000 That build the shit. 1.00

01:28:07.000 And they tell them that you have... 1.00

01:28:08.000 And they have systems.

01:28:09.000 Like, there's people that have done it and have failed and gone back.

01:28:12.000 And these guys are like the people who come over and help you.

01:28:15.000 Like, this is what you got to do.

01:28:16.000 You got to go down.

01:28:17.000 You got to leave it when the tide is high.

01:28:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:28:20.000 You know, you just don't get in the fucking ocean and swim. 0.99

01:28:22.000 They have, like, a whole process. 0.99

01:28:24.000 You have to go in the tide is high.

01:28:25.000 Isn't that a Blondie song?

01:28:27.000 When the tide is high and I'm gonna walk in a...

01:28:31.000 I want to be your number one.

01:28:36.000 Number one.

01:28:40.000 So think about that. 0.99

01:28:42.000 That's why when you always said to me that Nick Diaz swims to whatever the fuck, Alcatraz, I got to tell you, that's one of the roughest waters. 0.99

01:28:49.000 That's one of the coldest waters. 0.95

01:28:51.000 One of the most shark-infested waters because you could be in a pool and it's 60 degrees, right? 1.00

01:28:56.000 But once you jump in the fucking ocean... 0.98

01:28:58.000 I don't know how cold the ocean is. 1.00

01:29:00.000 Dirty, maybe? 1.00

01:29:01.000 It's cold as fuck. 1.00

01:29:02.000 I don't fucking know. 1.00

01:29:02.000 It's not dirty because then it would be ice. 1.00

01:29:03.000 But I know that it fucking makes you slow down. 0.97

01:29:06.000 It does something to your joints and to your muscles. 0.98

01:29:09.000 It contracts your lungs, too.

01:29:11.000 When you get in cold water, it's really hard to breathe.

01:29:16.000 You know that dude who's a WWE star, The Miz?

01:29:20.000 Do you know who he is?

01:29:20.000 I think he was on Real World or something like that, one of those shows.

01:29:24.000 But then he was a pro wrestler, and he came on Fear Factor once. 0.98

01:29:28.000 And I'm telling you, man, we had a lot of people on Fear Factor, but this motherfucker was the most fit guy we ever had on Fear Factor, period. 0.98

01:29:35.000 Like, no doubt. 0.98

01:29:36.000 He would do, like, hundreds of those bodyweight squats, and he was a wrestler.

01:29:41.000 And, like, the dude was, like, in serious, serious condition.

01:29:43.000 In cold water. 0.98

01:29:45.000 It was fucking freezing out in cold water. 1.00

01:29:47.000 This motherfucker jumped into a tank and did all this shit and moved all this for 2 minutes and 20 seconds. 1.00

01:29:54.000 Everybody else had to go up for air and go back down, go up for air and go back down. 1.00

01:29:58.000 This dude just went, just jumped in and did the whole fuck while it was freezing cold water. 0.99

01:30:04.000 That dude never smoked the joy of his life. 1.00

01:30:05.000 He's eating wheatgrass and running hills.

01:30:08.000 Let me tell you something, when I drowned at the Y that time, that's how I almost drowned because that's what got me.

01:30:13.000 What?

01:30:14.000 Down at the Y. What happened?

01:30:16.000 Well, fucking seven years ago. 0.99

01:30:17.000 I saw the longest yard, bro. 0.99

01:30:18.000 What?

01:30:18.000 I never told this.

01:30:19.000 I fucking tell the bit on stage. 0.98

01:30:21.000 That's a true story, bro. 0.99

01:30:22.000 You never told me?

01:30:22.000 You never told me.

01:30:23.000 You know, when I was embarrassed and I went to the Y one day and I asked the guy to train me and I got on the treadmill, I could only do three minutes.

01:30:29.000 Wow.

01:30:29.000 And he sat me down and he goes, dog, A, you gotta quit smoking and B, you gotta lose weight.

01:30:32.000 He goes, you're gonna hurt your joints if you walk on the treadmill.

01:30:35.000 He goes, go in the pool.

01:30:36.000 I'm like, you're a genius.

01:30:37.000 The pool's nothing.

01:30:38.000 So I would go early and go in the training pool, which is 90 degrees.

01:30:42.000 Right.

01:30:42.000 The water.

01:30:43.000 You're in the water.

01:30:44.000 Oh, when you go in 90 degree water, you got to look at you. 1.00

01:30:46.000 You're doing back shit. 0.99

01:30:48.000 You're flipping underwater. 1.00

01:30:49.000 You're like fucking splash. 1.00

01:30:51.000 You're throwing sidekits. 1.00

01:30:52.000 You're throwing punches like Muhammad Ali. 0.99

01:30:54.000 But one day I went, and it was fucking the afternoon. 0.97

01:30:58.000 So I had to go into the Olympic pool. 0.98

01:30:59.000 You got to go sign your name.

01:31:01.000 I thought, you know, I've been swimming for two weeks.

01:31:03.000 You know, I can do this.

01:31:04.000 I got this.

01:31:05.000 That's what I went for. 0.99

01:31:06.000 I had swam and bowed in the master swimming program, so I thought it just took a couple weeks to get the shit back to you. 0.99

01:31:12.000 I didn't know, bro. 0.98

01:31:13.000 I signed up and I jumped in the middle lane at the YMCA in the Olympic pool. 0.98

01:31:19.000 That water's like fucking 42 or whatever it is. 0.95

01:31:21.000 As soon as I hit Joe Rogan, everything just froze. 0.99

01:31:24.000 And my fat little legs were moving.

01:31:26.000 But I wasn't moving. 0.71

01:31:27.000 I was just spinning around in circles.

01:31:29.000 Because I think once the water gets cold, it's even harder to maneuver in there.

01:31:33.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:33.000 It's really hard.

01:31:34.000 I hadn't done it in a while.

01:31:36.000 Your body freezes up.

01:31:37.000 Listen, bro.

01:31:38.000 In Boulder, I'm the witness to this.

01:31:39.000 In Boulder, she does that class outside year-round.

01:31:42.000 What class?

01:31:43.000 The Master Swimming Program is done outside.

01:31:45.000 Oh, wow.

01:31:46.000 So when you get there on your bicycle, they shovel.

01:31:50.000 Oh yeah!

01:31:51.000 So you run from the...

01:31:53.000 So that's the pools outside.

01:31:54.000 I still got a change inside in Boulder.

01:31:56.000 Right. 1.00

01:31:57.000 Those crazy fucking wasps walk from that hut to the pool in the snow. 1.00

01:32:01.000 They just part the fucking snow. 1.00

01:32:04.000 You know that. 1.00

01:32:05.000 They make a path from the house to the house.

01:32:07.000 And the pool's heated?

01:32:08.000 The pool is heated.

01:32:10.000 So they're just climbing the pool.

01:32:11.000 That sounds awesome.

01:32:13.000 The pool's not that heated, not jacuzzi.

01:32:15.000 This is Boulder.

01:32:16.000 You know, this is Jane. 0.99

01:32:17.000 This lady was crazy. 1.00

01:32:18.000 It is, even if the water is heated still. 0.98

01:32:20.000 It's still.

01:32:21.000 When your head gets wet and you pop your head out and it's 10 degrees outside, even if the water's 90 degrees, it still sucks at death. 0.98

01:32:27.000 You see that fucking steam coming off that water. 0.99

01:32:29.000 But... 0.99

01:32:30.000 I jump into this wire, and I go into the middle, and I'm trying to get out of there, Joe, and these two Mexican kids are like, Mister, can we help you? 1.00

01:32:36.000 I'm like, fuck yeah. 0.98

01:32:37.000 So they try to pull me out, and they can't pull me out. 1.00

01:32:39.000 So they go, we'll get you.

01:32:41.000 We'll save you.

01:32:41.000 And all of a sudden, they brought a hoist in.

01:32:44.000 So a hoist is what they put in the middle of the thing.

01:32:46.000 They wanted me to swim back into the middle.

01:32:48.000 I was going to go in there with my fat little orca body, and they were going to pull me out like they pulled orca.

01:32:52.000 That's a hoist, right? 0.92

01:32:52.000 Right. 0.92

01:32:53.000 And I'm like, dog, I'm drowning here.

01:32:55.000 I can't go back to the middle.

01:32:57.000 And all of a sudden, they press.

01:32:58.000 They call the ambulance.

01:32:59.000 So the ambulance came, but I didn't sign.

01:33:01.000 I ain't paying the 1800. I ran out of there before. 0.56

01:33:04.000 I'm happy I got the fuck out of there before the ambulance came. 0.76

01:33:07.000 As they were coming in with the thing, I was walking out. 0.98

01:33:10.000 Wow.

01:33:11.000 And I never went back to the Y for about six months. 0.98

01:33:13.000 I was so fucking embarrassed. 0.97

01:33:14.000 I almost drowned at the Hollywood Y, bro. 0.99

01:33:17.000 Wow.

01:33:17.000 Just unprepared.

01:33:18.000 Just went into that water, and it was cold, and my lungs just fucking froze. 0.94

01:33:23.000 Stopped.

01:33:23.000 How often are you working out now?

01:33:25.000 Four, but I'm not swimming.

01:33:27.000 Did you change anything about your diet when we did that Mike Dolce podcast?

01:33:31.000 Yeah.

01:33:31.000 But, you know, I like the Dolce stuff, but I don't like a lot of weird vegetables.

01:33:36.000 I never have, and I'm not going to eat them. 0.95

01:33:38.000 I'm not going to really fucking eat them, you know? 0.98

01:33:40.000 I eat them, man. 0.98

01:33:41.000 What I have done that's really been good is I finally got the sparkles of water in my kitchen.

01:33:46.000 Yeah.

01:33:47.000 And I don't drink soda.

01:33:48.000 Good.

01:33:49.000 That's beautiful.

01:33:50.000 That's beautiful.

01:33:51.000 You know, water, this is what you gotta get in your head, too. 0.98

01:33:54.000 Water tastes fucking good. 0.98

01:33:55.000 Water tastes good. 0.99

01:33:56.000 It tastes good.

01:33:57.000 Water tastes real good.

01:33:57.000 You know, it's not like you need a soda.

01:34:00.000 Like, sometimes water tastes better than a soda.

01:34:02.000 Like, you just, in your head, the soda's like the naughty thing.

01:34:05.000 But a meatball sandwich, you gotta get a beer with.

01:34:07.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:34:08.000 Like, if we're gonna get a sausage sandwich right now, we gotta get a Heineken. 0.99

01:34:11.000 You know, there's certain things that you gotta get a cocktail with or a fucking something. 0.99

01:34:17.000 Water doesn't taste good. 0.99

01:34:19.000 With some stuff.

01:34:19.000 There's no taste to water.

01:34:20.000 Well, when you're talking about for enjoyment for food, yeah, for sure.

01:34:24.000 But, like, as far as, like, a clean taste, if water was rare, and, you know, it may very well be someday.

01:34:31.000 It may very well be someday that in our future generations we fucked up so bad that water becomes, like, valuable.

01:34:36.000 I looked up what you told me. 0.89

01:34:37.000 You can only drink soda.

01:34:38.000 I did look up what you told me.

01:34:40.000 We were in trouble.

01:34:41.000 As far as what?

01:34:42.000 They're leasing out these rivers, bro.

01:34:44.000 Yeah.

01:34:44.000 Remember, we discussed this on the plains.

01:34:45.000 For water. 0.98

01:34:46.000 I think they leased out, I don't know, how many fucking rivers in 2009? 0.98

01:34:50.000 For bottled waters. 0.98

01:34:51.000 For bottled water.

01:34:52.000 Yeah, well, it's so funny if you think about water, because, you know, new water hasn't been made for millions of years.

01:34:59.000 Yeah, right. 0.98

01:35:00.000 We're fucking drinking water that Jesus pooped out at one point. 0.98

01:35:05.000 The water just gets recycled and recycled and stuff like that. 0.98

01:35:09.000 It actually comes here in asteroids, too.

01:35:11.000 It comes here in comets.

01:35:12.000 When you see a comet flying across the sky, that trail, that's melting ice.

01:35:17.000 That's what that is.

01:35:18.000 So we get really small amounts of water from...

01:35:21.000 Well, when the Earth was born, we had been hit by many, many different asteroids and many bodies from outer space, but very likely we'd been hit by giant slabs of ice from outer space, and that the water that we have on this Earth comes from other planets.

01:35:36.000 And that everything in this world is extraterrestrial because the whole planet has been created by things that have come from other planets that have been sucked into it.

01:35:48.000 It's not like, you know, it wasn't like there was a thing and it was the Earth.

01:35:52.000 No, the thing, the Earth, was nailed by asteroids.

01:35:54.000 The moon was created because it was hit by another planet. 1.00

01:35:57.000 Like, a lot of shit has hit it. 0.99

01:35:59.000 And comets have hit the Earth, apparently, and dropped water. 0.99

01:36:02.000 And that's, like, where all the water comes from.

01:36:04.000 Yeah, but isn't it like on fire when it's entering the earth?

01:36:07.000 Yeah, it's too big. 0.72

01:36:09.000 You know, you're talking about a piece of ice that's who knows how many fucking miles wide, and it actually survives re-entry. 0.59

01:36:16.000 I mean, try to wrap your head around that. 0.69

01:36:18.000 Try to wrap your head around a piece of ice that can survive re-entry.

01:36:22.000 How big does that have to be?

01:36:23.000 This guy, you know, when you live in Boulder, you know, you do all that.

01:36:26.000 You know, you smoke your dope, and you go to a lot of hippie things.

01:36:30.000 Let me just say one thing.

01:36:31.000 It might not survive the entry.

01:36:32.000 It might burn up in the atmosphere and become storms. 0.99

01:36:34.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.97

01:36:35.000 I don't know how many of them actually do land, but I do know that the water that we have is from a lot of it, they believe, is from, like, Pansperia, the idea that comes from asteroids and shit. 0.99

01:36:43.000 So you can almost say that our waters could be being, like, ingredients added to it from aliens. 0.83

01:36:51.000 Well, you could be.

01:36:52.000 If water did come here, it could have had biological entities frozen inside of it. 0.97

01:36:57.000 That's how they give us the firmware upgrades, is from fucking comet water. 0.95

01:37:01.000 They're like, alright, we're gonna... 0.95

01:37:02.000 Yeah, well, that could be that that's what asteroids are, is like the reset button.

01:37:05.000 Software updates.

01:37:06.000 It's a reset button.

01:37:07.000 That's why they had to get rid of the dinosaurs.

01:37:09.000 They got too crazy.

01:37:10.000 Like, maybe the dinosaurs would be a good idea.

01:37:12.000 It'd be like tigers.

01:37:13.000 We'd kind of keep control of them, but still maintain some sort of a civilization. 0.96

01:37:16.000 But T-Rex just got way too fucking big. 0.94

01:37:19.000 You know, this giant, huge lizard just running through villages, eating people. 0.98

01:37:22.000 So they had to just jack them all.

01:37:24.000 Start fresh.

01:37:25.000 Boom.

01:37:26.000 Meteor impact.

01:37:27.000 Now one of those geniuses in bold, I took a course one time in evolution. 0.88

01:37:32.000 Just some shitty three credit thing. 0.95

01:37:34.000 And this guy was saying that the world was a lot fucking bigger in circumference? 0.97

01:37:39.000 Diameter? 0.95

01:37:40.000 I mean...

01:37:41.000 But over the years, you were saying all the hits...

01:37:44.000 It's gotten down.

01:37:46.000 Really?

01:37:46.000 It gets smaller?

01:37:47.000 That's what he was feeling.

01:37:48.000 That's what his theory was.

01:37:50.000 Their theory, whatever.

01:37:51.000 This is 20 years ago.

01:37:52.000 Right, right.

01:37:53.000 But he was saying, think about it.

01:37:54.000 He goes, we're the bottom.

01:37:56.000 He goes, even when we walk around Bold and all those mountains, we're at the bottom of that.

01:37:59.000 That was bigger at one time.

01:38:01.000 Yeah.

01:38:02.000 You know, these people, whatever, felt that it was bigger.

01:38:05.000 We've just been getting hit for the last million years.

01:38:08.000 Well, what's really creepy is when you look at the moon.

01:38:10.000 Because the moon doesn't have anything up there.

01:38:11.000 It's just this one surface color.

01:38:13.000 You know, it doesn't vary that much. 0.99

01:38:15.000 So when you look at it, all you're seeing is these fucking craters. 0.99

01:38:18.000 There's no atmosphere. 0.99

01:38:20.000 So they don't get burnt up.

01:38:22.000 So you just see, doom, doom, doom, everywhere.

01:38:24.000 The whole thing is just pockmarked, like that dude's face from...

01:38:28.000 What's that dude's name?

01:38:29.000 James Olmos.

01:38:30.000 That's the guy.

01:38:31.000 Yeah.

01:38:32.000 I mean, come on, man.

01:38:34.000 If...

01:38:36.000 If that's how many are coming at us, all those holes that are on the moon, if that's how many are coming at us, some of those are big.

01:38:44.000 There's some really big craters.

01:38:46.000 When was the last time we got here?

01:38:47.000 They don't know, but speculation has been the most recent big one, they think, was about somewhere around 12,000 years ago.

01:38:56.000 10,000 to 12,000 years ago.

01:38:58.000 Because they found all of this, it's a type of molten rock that occurs during nuclear tests, and it also occurs during meteor impacts.

01:39:08.000 And they found it all over the world, at the same core level, when they do soil samples.

01:39:16.000 Then they go down to between 10,000 and 12,000 years, I believe it is, somewhere in that range.

01:39:21.000 That's where they keep finding it, all over the earth.

01:39:23.000 And that's also significantly when the end of the Ice Age sort of is.

01:39:30.000 It's sort of coinciding with the same time.

01:39:33.000 Like 10,000 years ago, that's when people were making their way across here from Russia and the Bering Strait.

01:39:40.000 The whole ice age of 10,000 years ago ended abruptly, and a lot of animals died in mass extinction events, like woolly mammoths, saber-toothed tigers, died in mass graves.

01:39:51.000 And the speculation is that was the last big meteor shower, and that somewhere around 10,000 to 12,000 years ago, most of civilization got fucked sideways.

01:39:59.000 So we started all over again.

01:40:00.000 again a lot of people started all over again and that explains a lot of things explains um a lot of uh ancient buildings that nobody knows how the fuck they built them it's most more most likely that we had went on a we had gotten a very high level of sophistication i say we they the people in a bunch of different shit but um we went in a totally different path once we rebuilt and then our path when we rebuilt was a little bit more lost and became more technological in nature 0.99

01:40:28.000 But you can't deny the shit that they built. 0.97

01:40:30.000 Just the stuff they built in Greece. 1.00

01:40:32.000 You know, just look at the Acropolis and the Parthenon. 1.00

01:40:35.000 You think these motherfuckers built that shit thousands and thousands of years ago on top of some shit that was from thousands of years before that? 1.00

01:40:42.000 It might have been a super advanced culture that got fucked up by meteors. 1.00

01:40:45.000 Just because I get a little fucked up. 0.99

01:40:46.000 All this stuff that they have in Greece now. 0.96

01:40:48.000 Was this also part of Greek mythology, like Medusa?

01:40:51.000 Like when I watched Clash of the Titans.

01:40:53.000 I'm just asking you guys. 0.99

01:40:54.000 When the fuck was Clash... 1.00

01:40:55.000 Not the shit they came out with, the original. 1.00

01:40:57.000 With Mark Hamill, whatever that motherfucker's name is. 1.00

01:41:00.000 The original Clash of the Titans. 0.98

01:41:01.000 When was all that around?

01:41:03.000 I think if I had to guess what the Greek gods were all about, I would have to guess... 0.94

01:41:07.000 You have to have, first of all, some sort of an explanation for storms and, you know, we don't have to deal with too much fucking weather here in sunny California. 0.95

01:41:17.000 We're getting pretty soft because of that. 0.98

01:41:19.000 But if you live on the East Coast and you've been anywhere near a hurricane, you know how goddamn terrifying Mother Nature can be.

01:41:26.000 And if you're living in Greece, I'm assuming they get some sort of storms. 0.98

01:41:30.000 I'm assuming that their leaders would have to have some sort of an explanation of what the fuck is going on. 0.52

01:41:35.000 And I think it's a form of expression in creativity. 0.92

01:41:37.000 They figured out a way to create Thor and Zeus and create this whole mythology behind it.

01:41:43.000 And it was probably just to calm everybody the fuck down and keep everybody together.

01:41:47.000 They probably had to have some sort of an explanation.

01:41:50.000 What is the lightning?

01:41:51.000 What is this?

01:41:52.000 Okay, okay.

01:41:53.000 It's a guy named Thor.

01:41:54.000 He's the god of thunder.

01:41:55.000 Okay?

01:41:56.000 He's up there.

01:41:57.000 He's shooting lightning bolts down. 1.00

01:41:59.000 He's actually in a fight with his brother, who's a dick. 0.99

01:42:02.000 His brother's name is Loki. 1.00

01:42:03.000 Loki wants to run shit. 1.00

01:42:05.000 And he's an asshole. 1.00

01:42:06.000 Alright, so what about Gladiator? 1.00

01:42:07.000 And then there's Zeus.

01:42:09.000 Wasn't that when Zeus was around?

01:42:10.000 Odin.

01:42:11.000 And then there's Odin.

01:42:12.000 Gladiator?

01:42:13.000 Was that when Zeus was around?

01:42:14.000 Yeah, I don't know. 0.99

01:42:14.000 I'm fucking asking you. 0.99

01:42:15.000 That's not even the same country. 0.99

01:42:16.000 That's Rome.

01:42:18.000 That's the Roman gladiators. 0.78

01:42:20.000 Greek mythology.

01:42:22.000 Yeah, what's his face?

01:42:23.000 The actor.

01:42:23.000 That was his last great movie, right?

01:42:26.000 That was the best one he ever did.

01:42:28.000 Yeah.

01:42:28.000 That was the best.

01:42:29.000 That was iconic.

01:42:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:42:30.000 That puts him in the list of all...

01:42:32.000 What the fuck is his name? 0.99

01:42:33.000 Russell Crowe. 0.99

01:42:33.000 That puts him in the list of all-time greatest movie stars. 0.99

01:42:36.000 There's a handful, five or ten dudes, he's right in there. 0.99

01:42:39.000 That was a great fucking movie. 0.98

01:42:40.000 I loved him in that movie. 0.99

01:42:41.000 You know what else he was great in?

01:42:42.000 That cigarette movie.

01:42:44.000 Yes!

01:42:45.000 The Insider?

01:42:46.000 Yes, he was great in that.

01:42:48.000 That guy can really abandon himself into a part.

01:42:51.000 He's one of those few dudes that can really abandon himself.

01:42:54.000 Pacino was in that too, right?

01:42:56.000 The Insider, yes.

01:42:57.000 Pacino.

01:42:57.000 Yeah, was he?

01:42:58.000 Pacino plays the reporter from 60 Minutes.

01:43:00.000 Oh, that's right.

01:43:01.000 And his boss was Glenn whatever. 0.99

01:43:03.000 He's fucking good. 0.98

01:43:05.000 Yeah, I still appreciate the fuck out of a great movie like that, but it's hard to find a good one. 0.96

01:43:11.000 It's hard to find them like that, you know?

01:43:15.000 You ever go back and watch a movie from the 70s when they were really art pieces?

01:43:19.000 They had big art pieces.

01:43:21.000 Like Le Mans.

01:43:22.000 Did you ever see Le Mans?

01:43:23.000 Steve McQueen?

01:43:24.000 Yeah.

01:43:24.000 I watched that recently.

01:43:25.000 Le Mans is fucking crazy. 0.98

01:43:26.000 Nobody even talks for the first 15 minutes of that movie. 1.00

01:43:29.000 It's a bunch of shit happening where you watch this guy live in his life. 0.99

01:43:33.000 I mean, he's driving his car. 0.99

01:43:34.000 He doesn't say anything.

01:43:35.000 He goes to the locker room.

01:43:37.000 He doesn't say anything.

01:43:38.000 I mean, it's like you're watching everything go out.

01:43:40.000 It's telling you a story without a single word.

01:43:42.000 It's really fascinating.

01:43:44.000 And I think if you're going to use the visual medium of movie, that is one of the coolest ways to tell a story because that is the one thing that you cannot achieve in writing.

01:43:55.000 I mean, if you say that it can never live up to the writing, well, this is where we're showing you things with no dialogue whatsoever.

01:44:02.000 You know, like painting, that's like one of the best ways you can create with a visual medium.

01:44:07.000 You know, to not even use the words. 0.99

01:44:09.000 Just show me some shit. 0.99

01:44:10.000 Why do you always bait me into this conversation? 1.00

01:44:12.000 Because you know where it's going to go.

01:44:13.000 Where's it going to go?

01:44:14.000 It's going to go back to the best movies.

01:44:15.000 When were they made?

01:44:16.000 You know, if you watch...

01:44:17.000 The best songs, when were they made?

01:44:19.000 When they didn't really know what they were doing yet.

01:44:21.000 But those movies, Lamont, if I put Lamont on for fucking Red Band, Red Band will throw me out of his house. 0.91

01:44:28.000 Because Red Band is part of, you know, today we want it fast. 0.97

01:44:33.000 Like, if you watch anything from the 70s, it's a tough fucking follow. 0.99

01:44:37.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:44:38.000 The Godfather's easy, The Exorcist is easy, but Hollow Vest was one. 0.99

01:44:43.000 They did not have Twitter attention spans.

01:44:45.000 No, they didn't have it.

01:44:46.000 And that's what you have to understand.

01:44:47.000 So when we tell you, you know, I watched your movie the other day.

01:44:50.000 Great movie.

01:44:50.000 The Friends of Eddie Coyle.

01:44:52.000 What a crazy fucking movie. 0.99

01:44:53.000 And still, if you're with the wrong people in the room, they're going to go, Joey, you got to change it before I fucking follow you. 1.00

01:44:58.000 I learned that from Anthony Bourdain, too. 0.95

01:45:00.000 I was watching his show on Boston.

01:45:02.000 He did a show on Boston.

01:45:03.000 I grew up in Boston, so I was excited by it.

01:45:06.000 It was pretty interesting.

01:45:07.000 He decided to hang out mostly in South Boston. 0.97

01:45:09.000 Hung around in weird little places where you get lobster sandwiches and little boxing gyms and shit. 0.95

01:45:15.000 But then he brought up that movie. 0.94

01:45:16.000 I had never heard of it.

01:45:17.000 Robert Mitchum movies.

01:45:18.000 What is this?

01:45:19.000 From the 70s?

01:45:19.000 73. Yeah, tremendous movie.

01:45:21.000 Tony Santos.

01:45:22.000 If you watch that movie, there's a lot of character actors.

01:45:24.000 There's some character actors.

01:45:26.000 But those movies...

01:45:27.000 They're pieces of art.

01:45:28.000 What's the movie when we discuss this?

01:45:30.000 When Charles Bronson comes out and he goes, did you bring a horse for me?

01:45:35.000 No.

01:45:36.000 Well, one horse, you know, too many. 1.00

01:45:39.000 Yeah, you fucked up. 1.00

01:45:39.000 What does he say? 1.00

01:45:40.000 Yeah, well, no, you brought one too many.

01:45:43.000 Yeah.

01:45:43.000 No, you're one too...

01:45:44.000 That takes 15 fucking minutes, that scene. 0.99

01:45:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:45:47.000 You would go, Joey, it changes.

01:45:48.000 Well, he gets off the train, the bell rings, the crow flies... 0.99

01:45:56.000 If you want to go back to movie badasses, all-time great movie badasses, in my opinion, no one can fuck with Charles Bronson. 1.00

01:46:06.000 You can't fuck with Charles Bronson. 0.99

01:46:07.000 Movie badasses, legitimate, real movie badasses, you know, as far as, like, a guy who you really believed. 1.00

01:46:13.000 I believed him in hard times, okay?

01:46:16.000 You know...

01:46:17.000 I believe Clint Eastwood a little bit, but he did comedies like Every Which Way But Loose.

01:46:21.000 And when you do those, there is a little something lost. 0.98

01:46:26.000 Charles Bronson never did a stupid comedy that wasn't that funny. 0.99

01:46:29.000 But Stallone has. 0.99

01:46:30.000 Stallone had that...

01:46:31.000 The one with his mother.

01:46:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:46:33.000 Stopping My Mom Will Shoot. 1.00

01:46:34.000 Yeah, Stopping My Mom Will Shoot. 1.00

01:46:36.000 What was the other one he did?

01:46:37.000 I don't know.

01:46:37.000 What was the one with Kurt Russell?

01:46:38.000 He was a cop and they were both in jail.

01:46:41.000 Yeah.

01:46:41.000 And it's one of the worst movies of all time.

01:46:43.000 The dialogue is so bad in that movie with him and Kurt Russell that people, like, replay it.

01:46:47.000 They do it as, like, theater art, as a performance art.

01:46:50.000 Because the lyrics, the words, rather, the dialogue is so bad.

01:46:55.000 The one he did with his wife.

01:46:56.000 Brigitte Nielsen? 0.97

01:46:57.000 Yeah.

01:46:58.000 Go ahead.

01:46:59.000 I don't shop here anyway.

01:47:00.000 Was that Cobra?

01:47:02.000 Cobra.

01:47:02.000 Oh, and he had the craziest car.

01:47:05.000 This guy, he can't have a regular car.

01:47:07.000 I want him to have the oldest car you can get.

01:47:10.000 It's got to have glass.

01:47:12.000 It's got to be an old car.

01:47:13.000 He had this old shitbox car and he's like racing people that are in like modern cars.

01:47:18.000 You know, like catching them and come on, man.

01:47:21.000 You know, he made good movies. 1.00

01:47:22.000 Those old fucking torpedoes. 0.99

01:47:23.000 You know when he made good movies when he was young? 1.00

01:47:25.000 Fist was good.

01:47:27.000 Yeah.

01:47:27.000 The Lords of Flashbush.

01:47:29.000 Yeah, that was his first.

01:47:30.000 That was his first movie.

01:47:32.000 Henry Winkler.

01:47:32.000 How much for the ring?

01:47:34.000 Go outside, ladies. 1.00

01:47:35.000 Let me talk to this guy.

01:47:36.000 He talked to the guy.

01:47:37.000 What was the one when he was the fighter?

01:47:39.000 Not Rocky.

01:47:40.000 Well, look at Stallone. 1.00

01:47:42.000 He can act his fucking ass off. 1.00

01:47:44.000 He just does a lot of shitty movies. 1.00

01:47:46.000 Well, they paid him. 1.00

01:47:47.000 He was slinging dick. 0.99

01:47:48.000 What's the one where he arm wrestled? 0.99

01:47:50.000 Oh, I don't remember that one.

01:47:52.000 Over the Top.

01:47:54.000 What was the one where he went to jail and he broke himself out with the car?

01:47:58.000 Him and the kid from King of Queens.

01:47:59.000 They had the car.

01:48:00.000 The kid from King.

01:48:01.000 Yeah, the Italian kid that used to hang out with Kevin James in that.

01:48:04.000 There's a skinny kid in that.

01:48:06.000 Go look it up.

01:48:06.000 He did a movie that came out.

01:48:08.000 I was in the halfway house.

01:48:09.000 91, 92. What's the guy?

01:48:11.000 I don't know, but Stallone did a movie where he goes to jail and in there they work on a car.

01:48:16.000 Remember they worked on a car and the car was fast and it brought him back and Please, please, look it up because I'm not going to make it home.

01:48:24.000 The car brought me back!

01:48:25.000 Go ahead, please.

01:48:26.000 Why am I going to look up?

01:48:27.000 What did you just say?

01:48:28.000 What did you even just say?

01:48:29.000 A movie? 0.97

01:48:31.000 Just go to fucking Sylvester Stallone and look at 1990 and see what movie came out and you can see everything we're talking about. 0.99

01:48:37.000 Here, put on my glasses. 0.99

01:48:39.000 I can't do this. 1.00

01:48:40.000 I want to know what this fucking movie is. 0.99

01:48:42.000 I don't care enough to get specific. 0.99

01:48:44.000 If you think...

01:48:45.000 That movie you think is bad, the one with karate, with the kid, the bouncer, you've got to watch this one.

01:48:50.000 Oh, Roadhouse?

01:48:51.000 Yeah.

01:48:51.000 Roadhouse is amazing.

01:48:52.000 Don't say Roadhouse is bad.

01:48:54.000 Roadhouse is not bad.

01:48:55.000 Roadhouse is so bad, it's good.

01:48:57.000 That's why Roadhouse is so bad.

01:48:59.000 Roadhouse is my favorite hotel movie.

01:49:02.000 If I'm flipping through the channels, out of respect, if Roadhouse comes on, I keep it on.

01:49:06.000 If I'm just flipping through the channels and any other movie comes on, I'll see what else is on.

01:49:10.000 I'll keep changing.

01:49:12.000 Listen, Machete...

01:49:13.000 It's the worst movie that you leave on because it's so bad.

01:49:17.000 When he takes the wire, when he takes the guy's intestines and he flies out the door.

01:49:21.000 First of all, why would you watch that?

01:49:22.000 Because I'm high and I can't find the remote in the hotel room.

01:49:26.000 And I got a lot of friends that are Mexican.

01:49:28.000 So I got to watch the movie.

01:49:29.000 Is it maybe Lock Up?

01:49:30.000 Lock Up.

01:49:30.000 Thank you.

01:49:31.000 He works on the car and then the warden tells him, if you fix the car, I'm going to shut your parole off.

01:49:38.000 So he has to beat up the warden.

01:49:40.000 It's like the longest girl for cars. 1.00

01:49:41.000 Yeah.

01:49:42.000 Trust me.

01:49:42.000 I tried to watch the new...

01:49:44.000 Ari and I tried to watch the new Sherlock Holmes movie. 0.99

01:49:47.000 And we were like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

01:49:49.000 What did they do? 1.00

01:49:50.000 What did they do?

01:49:50.000 Did they just put this together in a week?

01:49:52.000 It was so clunky.

01:49:55.000 The plot was clunky.

01:49:57.000 The dialogue was like...

01:49:59.000 Sherlock Holmes is one of those characters that was cool if it was a book, you know, back in the old days.

01:50:05.000 But now it's like, hey, do you want to see a movie with the Hardy Boys?

01:50:07.000 You know what it is, man? 0.99

01:50:08.000 They fucked up. 1.00

01:50:10.000 Yeah, Robert Downey Jr. They got it right in the first one. 1.00

01:50:12.000 I thought the first Sherlock Holmes movie was good.

01:50:14.000 But the latest one was like, what are you doing?

01:50:17.000 It's like a parody.

01:50:18.000 It was not good.

01:50:19.000 That new movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Spencer Slime.

01:50:23.000 The Expendables?

01:50:24.000 The Expendables.

01:50:24.000 It's going to be awesome.

01:50:25.000 You think so?

01:50:26.000 Of course it is.

01:50:27.000 God, it looks so horrible.

01:50:28.000 If you want to go see that kind of movie, it's going to be awesome.

01:50:30.000 It looks horrible.

01:50:31.000 I never saw the first one.

01:50:31.000 Well, you've got to know what that is.

01:50:33.000 That's like a chimp driving a muscle car. 1.00

01:50:36.000 It's just crazy to watch.

01:50:38.000 I saw the preview in Arnold Schwarzenegger.

01:50:40.000 He goes, I'm back.

01:50:41.000 And I'm like, are you kidding me? 1.00

01:50:42.000 He's really fucked up. 1.00

01:50:43.000 Of course. 1.00

01:50:43.000 He'll say that, man. 1.00

01:50:44.000 If you're in the theater and he gets out there and he locks and loads, and he goes, I'm back.

01:50:49.000 You'll go, yes!

01:50:51.000 Especially if you were 14. You live in Ohio still.

01:50:54.000 Think about that.

01:50:54.000 If you were 14 and you were back in Ohio, would you not go crazy for this movie?

01:50:58.000 No, I'd be like, who the fuck is Arnold Schwarzenegger? 1.00

01:51:00.000 I don't give a shit about this dude anymore. 1.00

01:51:01.000 Oh, he's in that shitty movie I saw on HBO that one time? 0.99

01:51:03.000 No. 0.97

01:51:04.000 If you watch Terminator right now, who cares?

01:51:08.000 They got Transformers.

01:51:10.000 No, I'm just saying with kids like 13-year-olds. 0.99

01:51:11.000 Fucking Terminator's good. 0.99

01:51:13.000 We think it's good, but kids will not think that's good. 0.99

01:51:18.000 I watched Superman the other day, and I watched Return of the Batman, or whatever, the one with Michelle Pfeiffer and Danny DeVito as the Joker.

01:51:30.000 How bad was it?

01:51:31.000 That was horrible.

01:51:32.000 Almost awful to watch.

01:51:34.000 Was that Michael Douglas?

01:51:35.000 Michael Douglas.

01:51:36.000 No, not Michael Douglas.

01:51:37.000 I used to think in my head, no, Michael Keaton was the best Batman.

01:51:40.000 I like Michael Keaton. 1.00

01:51:41.000 I watched that shit. 1.00

01:51:42.000 It was the biggest pile of shit ever. 1.00

01:51:44.000 I can't believe I ever thought that movie was good. 1.00

01:51:46.000 Then I watched Superman. 1.00

01:51:47.000 I was like, this is the dumbest, cheesiest fucking movie ever. 1.00

01:51:51.000 Didn't they put Richard Pryor in Superman 2? 1.00

01:51:53.000 One of them.

01:51:54.000 Three or four.

01:51:55.000 Three, I think it was.

01:51:55.000 But Superman 2, like, a part was, like, this one girl, like, Lois Lane, like, he pushed over the edge or something like that, and then he jumped over the edge, and then he...

01:52:06.000 Went and got her?

01:52:07.000 Got her.

01:52:07.000 But then he's, like, they didn't explain, like, he was Clark Kent, or what's his name?

01:52:12.000 Character Clark Kent, right?

01:52:13.000 Uh-huh.

01:52:14.000 He was Clark Clinton when he jumped off, when he supposedly changed his clothes while he was falling, and then put his clothes somewhere, and then grabbed her. 0.98

01:52:21.000 It was so many dumb things like that.

01:52:23.000 Well, Superman was supposed to be able to move faster than the speed of light, so he could do that, Brian. 0.97

01:52:26.000 I know, but it was really horribly done.

01:52:29.000 Well, I'm sure.

01:52:30.000 Green screen flying over, and you're just sitting there like, that's so fake.

01:52:34.000 I'm out of this movie, because your guys are obviously not flying right now.

01:52:38.000 It was that bad.

01:52:39.000 So anyways, you see a 13-year-old kid watch that movie, he's never going to get into that.

01:52:44.000 Yeah, well, one thing that kids get today, though, that they never got before is you get a history of cinema, like, in a full form.

01:52:52.000 Like, they get to see a vast difference between, like, King Kong from the 1930s and a movie of today.

01:52:58.000 I mean, it's amazing.

01:52:59.000 If you watch, if you're a kid today and you watch, like, old movies... 0.98

01:53:03.000 It's got to be a real mindfuck. 1.00

01:53:05.000 Like, how stupid were people that they thought that was cool? 1.00

01:53:08.000 We've seen it a little bit, because I remember when I was a kid, growing up, I was really into special effects from monster movies and Harryhausen. 0.99

01:53:16.000 I think that guy's...

01:53:16.000 Harry...

01:53:17.000 What is that his name?

01:53:18.000 Whatever the guy's name was, that was the animation dude who did King Kong and Rick Baker. 0.97

01:53:24.000 He did American Werewolf in London and really cool special effects type shit.

01:53:30.000 I remember thinking it's amazing from the 1930s to the 1980s. 0.84

01:53:34.000 Look at how much better they've gotten through the 1970s.

01:53:38.000 I remember thinking that.

01:53:38.000 Wow, they were terrible back in those King Kong days.

01:53:41.000 But you look at it now, and through our lifetimes, things have reached critical mass.

01:53:46.000 They've gotten really crazy to the point where you're seeing artificial, like, everything.

01:53:51.000 Like, you're seeing asteroid impacts, alien invasions, all these different things in movies that look incredibly realistic.

01:53:57.000 I mean, incredibly realistic, like, undiscernible.

01:54:01.000 Like, you don't know what's fake and what's real.

01:54:03.000 I watched Aliens the other night.

01:54:06.000 It doesn't hold up.

01:54:07.000 No?

01:54:08.000 No, no.

01:54:08.000 It's a good movie.

01:54:09.000 The suspense still holds up, but there's a scene where the fucking spaceship is flying through the clouds, and it looks so bad, it looks like a Saturday Night Live episode. 0.97

01:54:20.000 It looks like Toontz's the cat is driving the spaceship. 0.96

01:54:23.000 I miss Toontz's.

01:54:24.000 It didn't even look remotely real. 0.96

01:54:26.000 I was like, this is so fucking, it so takes me out of this movie. 0.98

01:54:29.000 Like, it's so clunky. 0.98

01:54:31.000 You know, the other night I went to do comedy and I got home. 0.98

01:54:34.000 And as I walk in the fucking door, I sit down to see who's on Letterman and who's on Leno. 0.98

01:54:39.000 It's the first thing I do. 0.99

01:54:40.000 And something, I scroll down to HBO and it's Mr. Majestic.

01:54:45.000 That's when they break Charles Bronson's watermelons.

01:54:49.000 So I have a friend that's a big Charles Bronson fan.

01:54:53.000 I call him, I go, bro, it's 1230 here in California.

01:54:57.000 I was gonna go to bed, but I guess not.

01:54:59.000 Mr. Majestic's on me.

01:55:00.000 He's asleep. 1.00

01:55:01.000 He goes, dog, what the fuck? 1.00

01:55:03.000 He goes, that's my favorite. 1.00

01:55:05.000 Charles Bronson's gonna be killing white people. 1.00

01:55:07.000 Call me in the morning. 1.00

01:55:08.000 He just hangs up on me.

01:55:10.000 I timed it. 0.98

01:55:11.000 He started beating up white people at the 16 minute mark. 0.96

01:55:14.000 He's classic. 1.00

01:55:15.000 The first thing he did is he hit some dude in the dick with a shotgun, hit his buddy, and then the guy was playing music on the speaker and he shot the fucking speaker to get the Mexicans off the thing. 1.00

01:55:25.000 I fell asleep. 1.00

01:55:26.000 It was too fucking slow. 0.97

01:55:27.000 Again, that was one of those movies that was great in 1980. You had to watch it. 0.98

01:55:31.000 But you watch it now.

01:55:32.000 And it's funny because when I first moved to Colorado in Aspen, They only have KSPN 12, one station.

01:55:37.000 And it was just getting started.

01:55:39.000 They played that movie three times a week.

01:55:41.000 It was a 6 o'clock movie.

01:55:43.000 So I watched it.

01:55:43.000 I was broke.

01:55:44.000 I would watch it every night.

01:55:45.000 So I know that movie front and back.

01:55:48.000 It's just, you're right.

01:55:49.000 Just Hard Times alone.

01:55:50.000 Hard Times, Death Wish.

01:55:52.000 The Mechanic.

01:55:53.000 There was a couple movies he made. 0.99

01:55:56.000 You know, that story I heard about when they did The Magnificent Seven, and they all got together, and they said, listen, dog, we can't let this fucking Yul Brynner steal our fucking heat. 0.99

01:56:04.000 We're Americans. 0.99

01:56:05.000 This guy's the fucking, what movie did he make, The King and I? Yeah. 1.00

01:56:09.000 And they were like, are you kidding me?

01:56:10.000 Where's Yul Brynner from?

01:56:11.000 Yul Brynner's like from some other country.

01:56:13.000 Is he? 1.00

01:56:13.000 So this was an American movie, and there was, you know, Steve McQueen, James Colbert, Charles Bronson, and they're like, let's torture this motherfuckers. 1.00

01:56:21.000 So they would torture him. 1.00

01:56:22.000 They would fucking abuse him. 1.00

01:56:23.000 Call him up from the Formosa and try to wake him up in the middle of the night. 1.00

01:56:27.000 We're coming to get you and hang up on him and shit. 1.00

01:56:28.000 Really? 1.00

01:56:29.000 Yeah, man.

01:56:29.000 They got together.

01:56:30.000 They're like, dog, there's no way this motherfucker's going to come over here and steal this movie from us. 1.00

01:56:35.000 So they were fucking with him, really? 1.00

01:56:37.000 Where'd you read this? 1.00

01:56:37.000 I heard it. 1.00

01:56:38.000 I heard them talking about it on TV. They were telling a biography one time.

01:56:42.000 Wow.

01:56:43.000 You know, they didn't...

01:56:44.000 George C. Scott insinuated it.

01:56:46.000 George C. Scott went over and he's like, bro, you guys gonna let some foreigners steal your movie? 1.00

01:56:49.000 Fuck this motherfucker. 1.00

01:56:51.000 George C. Scott did that? 1.00

01:56:52.000 George C. Scott, you know, he was the fucking... 0.99

01:56:53.000 He was the lit. 0.99

01:56:54.000 He was in The Hustler, right?

01:56:56.000 Wasn't George C. Scott in The Hustler?

01:56:58.000 No, he's in the one about cards with Steve McQueen, the Cincinnati kid.

01:57:02.000 Look up the hustle.

01:57:03.000 I think he is.

01:57:04.000 Yeah, he always played in those heavy movies.

01:57:06.000 Yeah, he was, man. 1.00

01:57:07.000 No, he was always a heavy in those fucking movies. 1.00

01:57:08.000 I'm pretty sure. 1.00

01:57:09.000 Because he was... 1.00

01:57:10.000 Yes, he was always a heavy in those fucking movies. 0.99

01:57:14.000 Because he was a friend of mine's brother-in-law or something like that. 0.99

01:57:20.000 Have you seen the trailer for the new Superman movie called Man of Steel?

01:57:25.000 There's a new Superman movie?

01:57:26.000 Yeah, it comes out in 2013. Come on, for real?

01:57:28.000 Russell Crowe, the guy that was in Gladiator, plays Superman's dad.

01:57:35.000 See, that's a faux pas. 0.99

01:57:37.000 You can't beat fucking Marlon Brando with Superbad. 0.99

01:57:40.000 Yeah, that's the one. 0.99

01:57:42.000 And I'll tell you who else was really good in Superman.

01:57:46.000 What's his name?

01:57:46.000 Gene Hackman.

01:57:47.000 Gene Hackman was good in it, yeah.

01:57:48.000 Thank God, Superman.

01:57:50.000 Yeah, he played Burt Gordon.

01:57:52.000 George C. Scott played Burt Gordon.

01:57:54.000 George C. Scott is a Hustler.

01:57:55.000 Sure, he played a heavy...

01:57:56.000 You owe me money! 0.99

01:57:57.000 Yeah, he's always a fucking heavy Burt. 0.99

01:57:59.000 Yeah, he was great in that movie. 0.98

01:58:01.000 That's another movie, The Hustler.

01:58:02.000 What is it? 0.97

01:58:03.000 I think it was 63 or some shit like that. 0.93

01:58:05.000 That's another movie that was... 0.96

01:58:07.000 It's like you've got to really have an attention span to watch that movie.

01:58:10.000 It's a different sort of thing.

01:58:12.000 There was a lot of subtlety back then.

01:58:14.000 Like a guy would walk in and look at the clock, and then look at a guy who worked there, and the guy who worked there would go over and change the clock.

01:58:21.000 They wouldn't say a word.

01:58:22.000 The guy would look at him, Jackie Leason looks at his watch, looks at him, and the guy just changes the clock.

01:58:26.000 You know what I mean?

01:58:27.000 There was subtlety to movies back then.

01:58:29.000 Well, they gave you imagination.

01:58:31.000 A director in the 60s, 70s, and the beginning of the 80s, he gave you...

01:58:37.000 He let your mind run away with it.

01:58:39.000 You know, and I always say that scene in The Godfather and Marlon Brando goes down.

01:58:42.000 The director would have showed him.

01:58:44.000 This director pulled it back and let the wind blow. 1.00

01:58:47.000 And he showed the fucking things from the fruit. 1.00

01:58:50.000 They're shaking. 1.00

01:58:50.000 They didn't show Marlon Brando. 1.00

01:58:51.000 The beauty of it is he didn't shoot Marlon Brando straight.

01:58:54.000 He shot it this way.

01:58:55.000 So Marlon Brando was dead somewhere in that corner.

01:58:59.000 That's your imagination.

01:59:00.000 You're already judging.

01:59:01.000 Like, where is he?

01:59:02.000 He just died of a heart attack.

01:59:03.000 Where is he?

01:59:03.000 You're trying to look.

01:59:04.000 He didn't give it to you.

01:59:05.000 That was artistic.

01:59:06.000 That was artistic.

01:59:07.000 It was a different... 1.00

01:59:08.000 You know, that guy's a great fucking director. 0.98

01:59:10.000 And today, we have a few couple directors, but not that show you that imagination, bro. 1.00

01:59:15.000 When you leave there, fucks with your head a little bit.

01:59:17.000 Well, I think what's going on now, too, is that there's so much money involved in making a movie, and there's so many different people involved in their opinions. 0.99

01:59:24.000 When you get a $100 million investment in some crazy-ass movie, unless you're James Cameron, where you could just run the show. 1.00

01:59:31.000 A guy like James Cameron, he fucking tells everybody what to do, he's an asshole. 1.00

01:59:36.000 That's what he has to do. 1.00

01:59:37.000 This is the only one way to make a Titanic. 0.99

01:59:39.000 You have to have one guy who's powerful as fuck with a crazy vision, because otherwise you're going to butcher it. 0.97

01:59:43.000 You're not going to make an avatar. 0.99

01:59:44.000 You've got to have one guy who puts this whole We're good to go. 0.99

02:00:09.000 They're going to be the funny shit that our kids laugh at. 1.00

02:00:12.000 Like, how stupid is this? 1.00

02:00:12.000 It's like, have you ever watched Missing in Action? 1.00

02:00:14.000 All praise be to Chuck Norris.

02:00:15.000 You ever watched Missing in Action? 0.99

02:00:17.000 There's a goddamn horrible movie. 0.99

02:00:19.000 But they're awesome. 1.00

02:00:20.000 They're awesome in their horribleness.

02:00:21.000 But, bro, Charles, let me tell you something. 0.99

02:00:23.000 In all respect, the fucking homie made some good movies. 1.00

02:00:26.000 Chuck Norris? 1.00

02:00:27.000 Chuck Norris made some very good movies.

02:00:29.000 What was that one cop movie that he made that was super legit?

02:00:32.000 Oh, in Chicago.

02:00:33.000 Yes, hold on a second.

02:00:34.000 I'm going to pull that up.

02:00:35.000 Yes, with that other dude.

02:00:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:00:38.000 When he...

02:00:39.000 Eighty three Code of Silence.

02:00:42.000 Code of Silence.

02:00:42.000 That is a legit movie.

02:00:44.000 And he was a bad motherfucker in that movie. 0.99

02:00:48.000 I'll put his performance in that movie up with anybody. 0.99

02:00:51.000 He played a legit guy.

02:00:53.000 Yeah, but he had two martial arts ones before that.

02:00:55.000 He barely even used much karate in that movie. 0.97

02:00:57.000 He had to kick a couple dudes' asses, but that was a real movie. 0.98

02:01:00.000 In the pool hall. 0.98

02:01:01.000 He's the first guy ever, before Steven Seagal, in that movie, that he put the cool ball in the thing and started hitting people with it.

02:01:08.000 Really?

02:01:08.000 Steven Seagal stole it.

02:01:09.000 Out for justice, you know, where's Bobby Lupo later on?

02:01:13.000 But double check, but please tell me the name of Chuck Norris' earlier movies.

02:01:17.000 This is Code of Silence was in 85. 85, okay.

02:01:20.000 That was a good movie.

02:01:21.000 What's before Code of Silence, baby?

02:01:22.000 Invasion USA, Delta Force. 1.00

02:01:25.000 That's garbage. 0.99

02:01:26.000 Oh, actually those are after it. 0.96

02:01:27.000 Before that, I'm sorry.

02:01:28.000 Oh, Lone Wolf McQuaid.

02:01:30.000 Yes, and what's before?

02:01:31.000 But Lone Wolf McQuaid was still a karate movie.

02:01:34.000 Because that was David Carradine and Chuck Norris would go at it at the end in the big fucking ultimate finale karate scene that you knew Chuck Norris was going to win because it's his movie.

02:01:44.000 There was no drama in that victory. 0.56

02:01:46.000 Oh, there was a bunch, man.

02:01:47.000 Forced Vengeance, Silent Rage, An Eye for an Eye, The Octagon.

02:01:52.000 He had The Octagon before the UFC. That's 1980. A Force of One.

02:01:57.000 That was a good one, too.

02:01:58.000 That was a good one.

02:01:59.000 Good Guys Wear Black.

02:02:00.000 That's a good one.

02:02:02.000 I'm telling you.

02:02:02.000 That was a good one, man.

02:02:03.000 Chuck fucked some people up in the beginning. 0.87

02:02:05.000 Yeah, and then way back, the first movie he ever had was 68, The Green Berets and The Wrecking Crew. 0.89

02:02:12.000 He was like a party guest.

02:02:13.000 He had a tiny-ass role. 0.99

02:02:15.000 And then in 72, he was in The Way of the Dragon, bitches. 1.00

02:02:20.000 And that was it. 0.98

02:02:22.000 That launched him.

02:02:22.000 In the beginning, bro, he had more longevity.

02:02:26.000 Because Seagal, you tapped out on Seagal after the Brooklyn movie. 1.00

02:02:30.000 Once somebody shot Bobby Looper, you're like, I'm not putting up with this fucking guy. 0.98

02:02:33.000 It's Good Guys Wear Black that really launched him. 1.00

02:02:34.000 Yeah, Good Guys Wear Black is a really good fucking guy. 0.97

02:02:36.000 You look at his career, there's like a couple years where he didn't do any movies. 0.99

02:02:40.000 He had 72, 73, 74, and then 75, 76, and then 76. So between 75 and 77 he didn't work, and then he did Breaker Breaker.

02:02:50.000 I wonder if he was fighting.

02:02:51.000 No, no, no.

02:02:52.000 That's when he sold Tang Soo Do.

02:02:54.000 When was he fighting?

02:02:56.000 Before 72. Really?

02:02:57.000 Yeah, look it up.

02:02:58.000 Before Bruce Lee.

02:02:59.000 Let me tell you something about Chuck Norris.

02:03:01.000 You know, people joke about Chuck Norris. 0.99

02:03:02.000 Chuck Norris, back in his day, was a legit bad motherfucker. 1.00

02:03:06.000 Look at his body and fucking wear the dragon. 1.00

02:03:08.000 He was joking. 1.00

02:03:08.000 He was a legit bad motherfucker back then. 1.00

02:03:11.000 I mean, the level of martial arts back then, you know, there was a few guys that were representing the top level of martial arts. 0.99

02:03:19.000 He was one of them.

02:03:20.000 Benny Urquidez, he was one of them.

02:03:22.000 There was a few of those guys back then, and Chuck Norris is legit.

02:03:25.000 You know, every time I see Benny, I get happy.

02:03:27.000 He's a great guy.

02:03:28.000 Every time I see Benny, I get happy.

02:03:30.000 I gotta tell you that.

02:03:31.000 Have you met Gene LaBelle yet?

02:03:32.000 Uh, no, but his gym is right down the corner from me.

02:03:35.000 He's a great guy, too.

02:03:35.000 Is he at the gym every day?

02:03:36.000 Don't let him get you in a headlock.

02:03:38.000 No.

02:03:38.000 Is he at the gym every day?

02:03:39.000 Oh, I don't know.

02:03:40.000 I don't know his schedule.

02:03:41.000 By the way, I stopped by Eddie's school last night, and I gotta tell you something. 0.97

02:03:45.000 Rhonda Rousey's very fucking strong. 1.00

02:03:47.000 Oh, she's a beast, man. 1.00

02:03:49.000 She's very fucking strong. 1.00

02:03:50.000 She's a Tapper, dude. 1.00

02:03:51.000 I was watching her. 1.00

02:03:52.000 First of all, he was teaching some high-level shit last night. 0.99

02:03:55.000 He was on a roll last night. 0.99

02:03:56.000 I went yesterday in the daytime and last night.

02:03:59.000 Yeah?

02:03:59.000 He's been on a roll lately.

02:04:00.000 He's been on a roll. 1.00

02:04:01.000 But last night, he was teaching some high-level shit to her. 0.99

02:04:04.000 And when she packs that foot over... 1.00

02:04:07.000 Damn! 1.00

02:04:08.000 Oh, she has powerful legs, man. 1.00

02:04:09.000 She's a powerful lady. 1.00

02:04:09.000 I love her. 1.00

02:04:10.000 She has a great armbar, too.

02:04:11.000 Her armbars are nasty, man. 1.00

02:04:12.000 She's a strong woman, guys.

02:04:14.000 She gets a hold of your arm. 0.92

02:04:15.000 She doesn't just know how to get an armbar. 1.00

02:04:19.000 She knows how to correct as you're correcting.

02:04:21.000 So she knows to anticipate.

02:04:23.000 Like, here, for instance, this is a way to get a person an armbar.

02:04:26.000 You've got to extend their arm like that.

02:04:28.000 So if you think that someone's going to try to armbar you, the first thing you do is turn your hand this way.

02:04:32.000 And the reason why you turn your hand this way is because then you straighten it out.

02:04:36.000 You force it to do what they want.

02:04:37.000 They want to straighten your arm out.

02:04:38.000 So you turn it like that and then go like this.

02:04:40.000 So that way when they pull on the arm, it's going to go with the joint.

02:04:44.000 It's going to bend.

02:04:45.000 And then that's their job to try to turn it back around.

02:04:48.000 She's a master at adjusting that arm bar. 1.00

02:04:52.000 Like, making sure that once she locks a hole in that arm, she rolls with them, she flips them.

02:04:57.000 Like, if you watch her fight with Misha Tate, or if you watch a lot of her victories, one of the girls, she dislocated her arm, and the girl said she didn't tap, and her arm was jacked.

02:05:04.000 She jacks everybody's arms. 0.99

02:05:06.000 And she's just a master at adjusting. 1.00

02:05:08.000 As soon as she locks that thing up, first of all, the speed that she locks it up is nasty as fuck. 1.00

02:05:13.000 Her technique is pinpoint. 0.99

02:05:15.000 Everything's perfect.

02:05:16.000 And she's a master at adjusting. 0.78

02:05:18.000 So once she grabs a hold of that arm, you start flopping around.

02:05:21.000 But she knows where you're going to go.

02:05:22.000 You know why? 0.99

02:05:23.000 Because she puts arm bars on people every fucking day of the week. 1.00

02:05:26.000 So she knows exactly what to do. 0.99

02:05:28.000 There's certain positions that when you get used to, you know how a guy can get out of them.

02:05:33.000 You know the defense.

02:05:34.000 Like if you first learn a rear naked choke and you've never choked a guy before, you know, a guy gets a hand on the chin and he turns and the next thing you know he's out and you don't even know what happened.

02:05:41.000 But if you get good at it, you know what a guy can do to get out. 0.98

02:05:45.000 And so you stop all that shit from happening. 0.99

02:05:47.000 You anticipate it. 0.99

02:05:48.000 The more you roll, the more mat time you get, the more reps you get, the more time you spend actually choking people, the better you get at that.

02:05:54.000 There's just no way around it.

02:05:56.000 Well, Ronda has got to that point, that master point.

02:05:59.000 You know, there's a point that someone gets to with certain moves.

02:06:02.000 Like with Cody McKenzie, it's that crazy guillotine he gets people in.

02:06:05.000 With Ronda, it's that nutty arm bar, man. 1.00

02:06:07.000 And she's got a lot of other techniques, and her defense is good too, because Misha Tate is also a bad motherfucker. 0.99

02:06:12.000 And Misha Tate got her back, and she got out of that. 0.98

02:06:14.000 You know, it shows you that her defense is good as well.

02:06:17.000 Who's Misha Tate fighting next?

02:06:19.000 Oh, let me see.

02:06:20.000 I think she's...

02:06:21.000 Ron is fighting Sarah Kaufman.

02:06:23.000 I love Misha Tate, man.

02:06:25.000 I follow her on Twitter.

02:06:27.000 I love women's fighting, man. 1.00

02:06:28.000 I didn't used to love women's fighting. 1.00

02:06:29.000 No, no, no.

02:06:30.000 Now it's to a different level.

02:06:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:06:32.000 Let's see.

02:06:33.000 What does her should say next opponent? 1.00

02:06:36.000 Hold on.

02:06:37.000 I saw a great movie to watch last night while smoking shitloads of weed. 1.00

02:06:42.000 It's the most trippiest fucked up movie I've ever seen. 0.99

02:06:45.000 It's called Funky Forest. 0.99

02:06:47.000 Okay, hold on a second because I want to answer that question.

02:06:48.000 Her name is Julie Kedzie.

02:06:50.000 That's who she's fighting.

02:06:52.000 Misha Tate's fighting Julie Kedzie and it's in a strike force and it's in August.

02:06:55.000 They're fighting August 18th.

02:06:58.000 Her boyfriend just fought in the UFC and won.

02:07:00.000 Brian Carraway.

02:07:02.000 I'm sorry.

02:07:04.000 She's fighting also Ronda.

02:07:06.000 Yeah, Ronda Rousey's fighting Sarah Kaufman. 1.00

02:07:09.000 That same night.

02:07:10.000 Is it the same night?

02:07:10.000 Yeah, can you please check?

02:07:11.000 I think it's August something.

02:07:13.000 I don't think so.

02:07:14.000 I think Ronda's fighting another time.

02:07:16.000 So there's two different strike forces?

02:07:18.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:07:20.000 I'm not sure.

02:07:21.000 I feel like Ronda's fight is the next month, I believe.

02:07:27.000 Let me check, though.

02:07:29.000 Ronda Rousey.

02:07:31.000 So what happened, Ryan?

02:07:32.000 You got it high?

02:07:35.000 There's a movie called Funky Forest, The First Contact, and it's a hilarious movie.

02:07:40.000 And you got baked?

02:07:40.000 And so it's a crazy movie?

02:07:41.000 No, it's just a great movie to watch when you're super stoned around mushrooms. 0.98

02:07:45.000 If you go on Google or on YouTube, you can watch clips of it, and if I showed you it, you'd fucking freak the fuck out. 0.93

02:07:52.000 Oh, okay, it is August 18th. 0.88

02:07:54.000 It's the same card.

02:07:54.000 Yeah, it's the same card.

02:07:55.000 I knew she was fighting.

02:07:57.000 That's crazy.

02:07:58.000 That means there's going to be two big women's fights on one card. 1.00

02:08:00.000 I thought they would space it out.

02:08:01.000 Space it out.

02:08:02.000 That's awesome.

02:08:04.000 Well, you know what, man?

02:08:05.000 The reality is, Rhonda is such a badass that there's been a lot of attention on the women's MMA movement now, where there wasn't just a year or two ago, when Gina Carano stopped fighting, when she stepped out, and Rhonda, the other two, Rhonda has, like, stepped up the cyborg, like, a bunch of times. 1.00

02:08:21.000 If you've never seen, if you don't know what the fuck we're talking about, there's a woman named Cyborg. 0.90

02:08:24.000 If you were a chick and you were fighting, what would be your biggest nightmare? 0.99

02:08:28.000 Well, your biggest night would be a woman who's not attractive, who looks like a man, who's built like a man, and she knows how to fuck people up. 1.00

02:08:34.000 And I ain't saying that. 0.99

02:08:35.000 Yeah.

02:08:35.000 I don't want to go to war with Cyborg.

02:08:37.000 And that's almost exactly what Cyborg is.

02:08:39.000 And she tested positive for testosterone and male hormones or whatever she had taken, whatever banned substance that she had taken.

02:08:47.000 I think it was Anivar, but I don't remember.

02:08:49.000 But whatever it was, it's some sort of a steroid, which is what everybody had accused her of everywhere. 1.00

02:08:55.000 Anyway, so Ronda Rousey sent her, you have a dick, you dick. 1.00

02:09:00.000 She sent a picture of Gina Carano, Cyborg did, because Ronda Rousey said that she was a cheater. 1.00

02:09:07.000 So she sent a picture of Gina Carano with her face busted up after Cyborg beat her up. 1.00

02:09:12.000 And she said, you have a dick, you dick. 1.00

02:09:15.000 Which is pretty fucking funny. 0.99

02:09:17.000 And it was just, if you really think about it, if she really was cheating, and that's what she did once she was cheating, like, if she really was, I mean, there's really not that many, we talked about it on the podcast, we even had a doctor, we had Dr. Steve call up and explain it to us, is it possible to look like that without some sort of enhancement? 0.85

02:09:33.000 He doesn't believe it is. 0.99

02:09:34.000 He doesn't think it's physiologically possible for a woman to be built like that unless someone along the line has been taking some shit. 0.99

02:09:41.000 If you look at those really fit CrossFit girls, those really in-shape women, they look fucking tremendous. 1.00

02:09:47.000 But they look like women. 1.00

02:09:48.000 They have good arms, and they're thick, and they have big legs and everything like that, but they have a much more feminine look to their musculature. 0.90

02:09:56.000 There's a certain level that some women have gotten, and Cyborg's one of them. 1.00

02:10:02.000 What's the joke you used to do about the fucking Noah's Ark? 1.00

02:10:06.000 It was a retarded boy. 1.00

02:10:08.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:10:08.000 A retarded boy could look at a woman on steroids and tell you something right there. 1.00

02:10:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:10:12.000 Okay, you could see it. 0.99

02:10:13.000 As soon as you see the neck and the fucking jawline and, I mean, her upper body was, I mean, she had traps. 1.00

02:10:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:20.000 Shit traps, guys. 1.00

02:10:20.000 Big ones. 1.00

02:10:21.000 Okay? 0.99

02:10:21.000 So, I mean, I understand when a woman burns fat, her titties get smaller. 0.99

02:10:25.000 Yeah.

02:10:25.000 But it's harder for a woman to have muscle definition because they have an extra layer of fat and all that stuff.

02:10:31.000 But you could see, I'm no endocrinologist, and I could tell that bitch did something. 1.00

02:10:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:36.000 She did a lot more than to see a, what is it, a GNC shake and a fucking weed pill. 1.00

02:10:42.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

02:10:42.000 She did something. 0.99

02:10:43.000 Well, she could have took it to the shit that used to be legal at GNC. Like, she could have gotten on some MAG-10 or something like that. 0.99

02:10:48.000 Was that stuff stronger?

02:10:49.000 Oh, yeah. 0.98

02:10:50.000 It was ridiculous. 0.93

02:10:51.000 GNC made that? 0.87

02:10:52.000 Yeah, they banned it.

02:10:53.000 They used to have it.

02:10:54.000 I took it.

02:10:54.000 It's called MAG-10.

02:10:55.000 I took it.

02:10:56.000 You took it?

02:10:57.000 Yeah.

02:10:57.000 Did it work?

02:10:58.000 It was popular in Ohio.

02:10:59.000 Did it work?

02:10:59.000 It seemed like it.

02:11:00.000 If you were lifting weights, you would notice. 1.00

02:11:02.000 If you, like, did it and lifted weights, I gained a lot of weight on that shit. 0.99

02:11:06.000 I think we used to take it for other reasons. 0.99

02:11:07.000 What other reasons would you have?

02:11:08.000 I don't remember, but...

02:11:09.000 Maybe I did take it when I was working out.

02:11:11.000 I just wanted to be yoked.

02:11:13.000 I remember when they got rid of it.

02:11:14.000 It pissed me off.

02:11:15.000 Yeah, they got rid of it because it was like a steroid.

02:11:17.000 It's like taking a steroid.

02:11:19.000 And I'm not saying you could get big without juicing, but she was at the point where you knew something was going on.

02:11:25.000 Her face started looking... 0.92

02:11:26.000 Like, very masculine, too.

02:11:28.000 And what's really crazy is there's a video of her from her first fight ever.

02:11:31.000 And if you go back to her first fight ever, she looked like a woman.

02:11:33.000 She was built very differently.

02:11:35.000 If you look at it, like, she's still badass.

02:11:37.000 She's still going to war with some chicks. 1.00

02:11:39.000 She's thrown down.

02:11:39.000 She's a shoot-box fighter.

02:11:41.000 But she looks like a woman. 0.56

02:11:43.000 Her body looks like a woman. 0.99

02:11:44.000 It's kind of shocking, the difference.

02:11:45.000 Because she looks...

02:11:46.000 She's scary now. 1.00

02:11:48.000 She looks like, you know, she would fuck you up, man. 1.00

02:11:50.000 When did she come back? 1.00

02:11:50.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:11:51.000 She might not ever come back.

02:11:52.000 Who knows?

02:11:53.000 You know?

02:11:53.000 I don't know.

02:11:54.000 Yeah, she'll come back.

02:11:55.000 She's got to go after her.

02:11:56.000 Yeah, but I mean, they have to...

02:11:57.000 When she comes back, then she has to have a hearing to try to get her license back. 1.00

02:12:01.000 You know, it's not as simple as you come back.

02:12:03.000 Once you come back, you do the...

02:12:04.000 Once you do the suspension, you're good.

02:12:07.000 I don't know if that's necessarily the truth.

02:12:08.000 I'm not sure.

02:12:09.000 You have to still subpoena the NACA... Well, I think you have to get licensed.

02:12:13.000 Because I think that, like Chael Sonnen, when they had to fight Anderson Silva, he had to get licensed in Nevada.

02:12:17.000 And that was part of the thing.

02:12:18.000 It wasn't just that Chael Sonnen had been banned for X amount of months.

02:12:23.000 He also had to get licensed.

02:12:25.000 So I don't know the whole process.

02:12:28.000 I think...

02:12:29.000 I think, you know, there's a difference between a woman doing performance-enhancing drugs and a man doing them, in my opinion. 0.85

02:12:37.000 When a woman starts introducing things that just don't exist in that level ever in her body, you know, it's a different thing to that than a guy taking, like, testosterone replacement therapy to try to be like a young man again. 0.68

02:12:51.000 It's really kind of tricky.

02:12:54.000 It's almost like you can't go down that slippery path.

02:12:58.000 We talked about the weight cutting thing.

02:13:00.000 If everybody has to weight cut, man, that kind of fucks things up.

02:13:03.000 It would be better if everybody didn't have to weight cut.

02:13:05.000 It would be nice if that was the reality.

02:13:07.000 Well, if women start taking male hormones, that is a mess. 1.00

02:13:11.000 That ruins the whole idea of the woman's sport. 1.00

02:13:14.000 If you...

02:13:15.000 If you have women taking male hormones, that's not women fighting anymore. 1.00

02:13:19.000 That's a hybrid.

02:13:21.000 That's a woman-man hybrid. 0.99

02:13:23.000 A woman with male hormones. 1.00

02:13:24.000 You're fucking the whole tree of life up there. 1.00

02:13:27.000 This isn't just you trying to reclaim lost youth. 0.99

02:13:31.000 You're creating a thing that's not quite a woman anymore. 0.96

02:13:35.000 That's what that is. 0.99

02:13:36.000 You're adding some shit to a woman that doesn't belong there. 1.00

02:13:39.000 And I think that has to be taken very seriously. 1.00

02:13:42.000 But you've seen those bodybuilders for years.

02:13:44.000 Those women have been doing it for years. 1.00

02:13:46.000 Oh, it's so sad.

02:13:46.000 It's so sad.

02:13:47.000 And that's what they have to do, right?

02:13:48.000 Because that's what that sport demands.

02:13:50.000 Look, it's all about body dysmorphia at that point. 1.00

02:13:53.000 When you're involved in bodybuilding, it's just like when you see a woman, and no disrespect to anybody who has this, your tits are too big and you're crazy. 1.00

02:14:02.000 You just get like a thousand cc's and they're like, I want to get another 200. Like, What are you doing? 0.99

02:14:07.000 Stop it! 0.99

02:14:08.000 Like, have you ever seen those videos on these people that can't stop getting bigger and bigger tit implants? 0.96

02:14:12.000 They're crazy.

02:14:13.000 That's how bodybuilders are. 0.97

02:14:14.000 And they get this body dysmorphia, and they just, it's not about looking good.

02:14:18.000 Like, if you go back to, like, the Frank Zane days, you know, you go back to, like, before steroids, you know, that guy was in tremendous shape, and he was proportioned, and it was all about making your body, working hard to get your body in proportion.

02:14:30.000 Then it became about steroids, and then the Arnold Schwarzenegger era, and then forward into the Lee Haney era.

02:14:37.000 It became about these cartoonish, monstrous human beings.

02:14:42.000 It became straight body dysmorphia.

02:14:46.000 As soon as they figured out how to add drugs into the equation, everything got completely wacky, and women started getting wacky too. 1.00

02:14:53.000 Which one was Frank Zane?

02:14:54.000 There's a woman who lives down the street from me, and I won't say her name, but she was a very successful female bodybuilder back in the day. 0.99

02:15:00.000 And now she looks like she's paid a price for it, man.

02:15:05.000 It's sad when you see her.

02:15:06.000 She has a lot of masculine characteristics that she shouldn't have. 1.00

02:15:10.000 She looks like she fucking hijacked her system. 1.00

02:15:13.000 She morphed herself. 1.00

02:15:16.000 She morphed herself and turned herself into a man, basically. 1.00

02:15:18.000 It's fucking crazy, man. 1.00

02:15:20.000 It's crazy. 1.00

02:15:21.000 She wears makeup, she tries to be woman-y, but you know what she used to look like and what she did to herself. 1.00

02:15:27.000 She turned herself into some sort of a masculine creation. 0.94

02:15:30.000 And even when they get off this stuff, they still maintain some masculine features.

02:15:34.000 It's really strange.

02:15:36.000 You know, their body grows.

02:15:39.000 Everything gets big.

02:15:40.000 You know, it's a very unfortunate thing that someone decided that that looks good for women. 1.00

02:15:45.000 They take in some crazy shit that makes you closer to a man. 0.98

02:15:49.000 Because a fit woman, it's beautiful to look at a fit woman. 0.99

02:15:53.000 And to not accept that a fit woman is going to look different than a fit man is craziness.

02:15:58.000 A fit woman, a woman who's in great shape and works out. 0.99

02:16:01.000 Like I said, those CrossFit girls, that's sexy as fuck, man. 1.00

02:16:04.000 Those girls have incredible bodies. 1.00

02:16:05.000 Incredible.

02:16:05.000 But they look like a girl.

02:16:07.000 They look like a woman who's in great shape.

02:16:10.000 You go to NoHo CC, the chicken there goes to the cross train.

02:16:14.000 My God. 1.00

02:16:16.000 My fucking God. 1.00

02:16:17.000 She's got a body that don't fucking... 1.00

02:16:19.000 Well, Ronda Rousey doesn't like the fact that her arms are real big. 1.00

02:16:22.000 Like when she came on the podcast, like, oh, everyone's going to see I'm all yoked.

02:16:25.000 You know, I kind of want to cover my sleeve.

02:16:27.000 We were like, what are you talking about?

02:16:29.000 Her body's sensational.

02:16:30.000 It's sensational.

02:16:32.000 Great thighs.

02:16:32.000 But she...

02:16:35.000 But she's so strong that to, like, a guy who doesn't exercise or doesn't work out, like Brian, she's very intimidating. 1.00

02:16:42.000 She would fuck him. 1.00

02:16:42.000 She wouldn't ever let him be on top. 1.00

02:16:44.000 Like, how are you going to get on top with Ronda Rousey?

02:16:46.000 You're not, okay? 1.00

02:16:47.000 She's going to fuck you. 1.00

02:16:49.000 She'll fuck you first. 1.00

02:16:50.000 She weighs 145. Well, 135 now when she fights. 1.00

02:16:53.000 I got the best defense for her.

02:16:54.000 I bet you she's ticklish. 1.00

02:16:55.000 I'll find the ticklish spot.

02:16:56.000 And no matter what, she will still laugh.

02:16:58.000 Just stop talking. 1.00

02:16:59.000 She'll rape you. 1.00

02:16:59.000 She's got a great laugh. 1.00

02:17:00.000 Do whatever she wants to you.

02:17:01.000 I seen her thighs last night. 1.00

02:17:03.000 I was like, God.

02:17:04.000 Yeah, she's got an incredible body. 1.00

02:17:06.000 Sexy thighs.

02:17:07.000 But that's a woman's body. 1.00

02:17:08.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:17:09.000 There's no doubt about it.

02:17:10.000 That's a woman's body. 1.00

02:17:11.000 There's nothing creepy about that. 1.00

02:17:13.000 The only time it gets creepy is when you do creepy shit. 1.00

02:17:15.000 When you do creepy shit, that's when your body starts looking creepy. 1.00

02:17:18.000 There's just no way around that, man. 1.00

02:17:19.000 You can't take male hormones and be still a sexy woman. 0.95

02:17:23.000 That's just weird.

02:17:24.000 But the dudes in that bodybuilding world that like those type of chicks, they get into that, man. 1.00

02:17:29.000 They like it. 0.97

02:17:30.000 Ah, she's a freak! 1.00

02:17:31.000 My girl's a freak! 1.00

02:17:32.000 You gotta see her quads! 1.00

02:17:33.000 Honey, show them your quads! 1.00

02:17:34.000 And they have this fucking spray tan leg that's like black as coal and they'll flex their dirty painted toes. 1.00

02:17:42.000 Ugh! 1.00

02:17:43.000 And you'll see some striations in that thigh.

02:17:46.000 They're like, what are you doing?

02:17:48.000 Why is that there?

02:17:49.000 Why do you have this...

02:17:50.000 Why is there no fat on your leg? 0.99

02:17:52.000 Why can't I see all the fucking ligaments in the... 0.99

02:17:56.000 With muscle fibers under there. 1.00

02:17:58.000 I remember the fucking monkey shrinks. 1.00

02:17:58.000 Like, I've always looked at them. 1.00

02:17:59.000 That little pussy gets all tiny and the asshole gets flat. 1.00

02:18:03.000 Yeah, the chest pulls in. 1.00

02:18:05.000 You go to suck a tit and it's hard. 1.00

02:18:07.000 Right away, you gotta be fucking tripping. 1.00

02:18:08.000 Because when they start juicing, they get the same thing in here as guys get from doing, like, close grip bench presses and all that. 0.99

02:18:15.000 This starts to get little fucking things inside their chest. 0.99

02:18:18.000 That's disgusting, I love it. 1.00

02:18:20.000 And all of a sudden, they have little titties. 0.99

02:18:22.000 I looked at them like, I've been to one of those contests.

02:18:24.000 Years ago, my buddy competed, so I went.

02:18:26.000 And I was watching these chicks going, look at those, you know, look at their bodies. 1.00

02:18:30.000 But at least even, could you save the monkey?

02:18:33.000 Could you save the monkey?

02:18:35.000 Because all that muscle surrounds it.

02:18:36.000 Well, they grow clits, bro. 1.00

02:18:38.000 The monkey shrinks up, the clits, everything shrinks up. 1.00

02:18:41.000 The clit grows, Joey.

02:18:42.000 Have you ever seen? 1.00

02:18:43.000 Oh, it grows like a dick. 1.00

02:18:45.000 Oh, dude, it grows like a dick. 1.00

02:18:47.000 No, no, listen, I pull the fucking chick's pants off, and she got one of those tight little hammers. 1.00

02:18:51.000 I'm fucking out of that. 1.00

02:18:52.000 I'm telling you, it grows like a dick. 1.00

02:18:54.000 You've seen it? 1.00

02:18:54.000 Yeah, I've seen it online. 1.00

02:18:55.000 I've never seen it in real life.

02:18:56.000 You've never seen it?

02:18:57.000 No, no, in real life, I've never had...

02:18:59.000 I dated this one girl who was a bodybuilder when I was like 20, and she was from New Hampshire. 1.00

02:19:04.000 This bitch was loked out. 1.00

02:19:06.000 I was 21, because I was doing comedy. 1.00

02:19:08.000 She was a fucking Vienna sausage. 1.00

02:19:10.000 First girl ever. 1.00

02:19:11.000 I've heard about that, but I've never seen it.

02:19:12.000 I'd die, bro.

02:19:13.000 This girl wasn't like that. 1.00

02:19:14.000 She was natural.

02:19:15.000 This was, you know, 1988, whatever it was.

02:19:19.000 I don't think too many chicks were doing it that way. 1.00

02:19:20.000 But she was just so fucking down. 1.00

02:19:24.000 This girl was crazy. 1.00

02:19:25.000 We had sex. 1.00

02:19:26.000 She was on her period, and she sucked the blood off my dick. 1.00

02:19:29.000 That's how crazy this bitch was. 1.00

02:19:31.000 Good girl. 1.00

02:19:31.000 I was like, yeah, but you're on your period. 1.00

02:19:33.000 She just looked at me and started sucking it. 1.00

02:19:35.000 I was like, whoa! - Whoa! 0.99

02:19:38.000 God! 0.99

02:19:39.000 Damn! 1.00

02:19:40.000 That's a rare girl. 1.00

02:19:41.000 You don't have my fucking faint. 0.99

02:19:42.000 That's a rare girl. 1.00

02:19:43.000 Did she lick the clots and everything off your dick? 1.00

02:19:46.000 Like the big black blood clots? 1.00

02:19:48.000 There was no black blood clots, fortunately. 0.99

02:19:49.000 It was just a lot of red, but she didn't give a fuck, dude. 1.00

02:19:52.000 She just started sucking it. 1.00

02:19:54.000 She was down. 1.00

02:19:54.000 When you fuck a girl in the muffler, you put it in her fucking mouth. 1.00

02:19:59.000 Who first invented that? 1.00

02:20:00.000 You're like, am I happy she's my girlfriend or am I sad?

02:20:04.000 Like, am I sad? 1.00

02:20:05.000 Do I just stuff it up her fucking ass? 1.00

02:20:07.000 Whatever's good, you should be happy. 1.00

02:20:08.000 Did you want to do that?

02:20:09.000 Did it feel good?

02:20:10.000 Did she get off on it?

02:20:11.000 Then you should both be happy. 0.99

02:20:12.000 It's disgusting. 0.94

02:20:13.000 Only if she's clean, it's not that disgusting. 0.99

02:20:15.000 It's disgusting.

02:20:15.000 She's got to wash it all out, though.

02:20:16.000 She's got to go to work. 1.00

02:20:17.000 I've heard stories of people who fucking kick in the ass and have shit on their dicks and shit. 1.00

02:20:21.000 That's never happened to me because I'd fucking faint. 1.00

02:20:24.000 I'd wake up and beat the girl. 1.00

02:20:26.000 Mercifully, for having a dirty ass. 1.00

02:20:28.000 It's just scaring me like that. 1.00

02:20:30.000 I was fucking like the time in Seattle when I put the bottle in the girl's pussy. 1.00

02:20:34.000 You put a bottle in a girl's pussy? 1.00

02:20:36.000 What? 1.00

02:20:36.000 I was at the same chick I found. 1.00

02:20:38.000 The same chick I found.

02:20:39.000 The same chick I found. 1.00

02:20:39.000 The aluminum foil in her asshole. 1.00

02:20:40.000 That same chick we were in Seattle. 1.00

02:20:42.000 And I was drinking, you know, a Gallo Brothers wine cooler.

02:20:46.000 And I started rubbing the bottle around her little monkey. 1.00

02:20:48.000 She was a stripper. 1.00

02:20:49.000 And then I pulled her little thing and I started working the fucking bottle inside her little monkey. 1.00

02:20:54.000 Joe, you know how dangerous that is? 1.00

02:20:55.000 That's how Fatty Arbuckle killed a girl. 1.00

02:20:58.000 Let me tell you the fucking story, Fatty Arbuckle. 1.00

02:20:59.000 I'm fucking working this bottle on her little monkey, right? 1.00

02:21:02.000 And I'm down there about to lick the fucking click. 1.00

02:21:04.000 And next thing I hear, the suction of the bottle had sucked the period out of her. 1.00

02:21:10.000 This brown vampire blood from Blade shot into this... 0.64

02:21:17.000 It was a little darker. 0.88

02:21:18.000 Like, it was just disgusting.

02:21:20.000 Bro, I fainted. 0.73

02:21:21.000 Because in my mind, I cut her with the bottle.

02:21:23.000 Oh, no! 1.00

02:21:24.000 I'm like, I cut this bitch. 1.00

02:21:25.000 So you fainted for real? 1.00

02:21:26.000 I went down.

02:21:27.000 She had a woke baby.

02:21:28.000 She was giggling.

02:21:28.000 Oh, my God.

02:21:29.000 She's a nasty fucking animal. 1.00

02:21:31.000 She didn't give a fuck. 1.00

02:21:32.000 I mean, about a month earlier, I pulled the fucking little aluminum foil out of her ass. 1.00

02:21:36.000 That was the same girl? 1.00

02:21:37.000 Same chick in Seattle, bro. 1.00

02:21:38.000 That was a year and a half of fucking great freaky stories. 0.99

02:21:42.000 How many things do you stick in a girl? 1.00

02:21:43.000 Bro, you know, she was a fucking savage. 1.00

02:21:45.000 You only live once. 1.00

02:21:46.000 Have you You're dating a savage and you're not in love with her. 1.00

02:21:49.000 You try to do shit to her until she breaks up with you, right? 1.00

02:21:52.000 It is amazing how much people vary. 1.00

02:21:54.000 And like that girl that would suck the blood off your dick. 1.00

02:21:57.000 That's so variable. 1.00

02:21:58.000 You know, like the real freakiness.

02:22:00.000 Like when you meet someone, what they're down for, what they're not.

02:22:03.000 You know?

02:22:03.000 You ever date a girl?

02:22:04.000 You just start dating and she jerks you off on her tongue while she's looking you in the eye. 1.00

02:22:09.000 And you're like, whoa, what? 0.99

02:22:11.000 We just started hanging out and you're opening with this?

02:22:15.000 Nothing. 1.00

02:22:15.000 Like, God damn! 1.00

02:22:17.000 Where the fuck is this going? 1.00

02:22:18.000 You turned me on to something that I almost called you at 4 in the morning, called you a cocksucker 20 times, because it was one of the most devastating things I've seen in my life, and I'm not being funny right now, guys. 1.00

02:22:28.000 And how you sick motherfuckers watch that shit is beyond me. 1.00

02:22:31.000 I finally watched that Sasha Gray video that you referred to me when the 20 guys are fucking up. 1.00

02:22:37.000 And she's got a dick in her ass. 1.00

02:22:39.000 But the funny thing about the video is there's extras in the video. 1.00

02:22:42.000 And they're just standing around jerking off with their dicks. 1.00

02:22:44.000 Waiting. 1.00

02:22:45.000 And I'm sitting there going, Joe Rogan is a fucking lunatic for making me watch this shit. 1.00

02:22:51.000 Sasha Gray looks like they beat her. 1.00

02:22:53.000 Like she sucked and fucked 20 guys. 1.00

02:22:56.000 Like she's sweating. 1.00

02:22:57.000 That's all sweat.

02:22:58.000 Like it looks like she was in a workout.

02:22:59.000 They were punching her.

02:23:00.000 She's a fascinating chick because she's very smart. 1.00

02:23:02.000 Have you met her?

02:23:03.000 No.

02:23:04.000 No, it's interesting though.

02:23:05.000 I've heard her be interviewed.

02:23:06.000 I've read some of her interviews.

02:23:08.000 She's definitely very smart.

02:23:10.000 But so is Dana D'Armand, you know?

02:23:11.000 She's smart too.

02:23:12.000 She's weird.

02:23:13.000 She's day two?

02:23:14.000 No, Dana D'Armand, the girl that's done our podcast before. 1.00

02:23:16.000 She's done a lot of crazy shit too. 1.00

02:23:18.000 And she's been on our podcast. 1.00

02:23:19.000 She's a nice girl.

02:23:20.000 The other night, yeah. 1.00

02:23:22.000 She was saying she puts things in her ass and everything. 1.00

02:23:23.000 Oh, she's crazy. 1.00

02:23:24.000 I retweeted one of her lines one time. 1.00

02:23:27.000 It said, someone asked me, what is the craziest thing that's ever been in my ass? 0.99

02:23:30.000 Answer, cat toys. 1.00

02:23:32.000 The bitch had cat toys in her ass. 1.00

02:23:33.000 She asked me more cat toys. 1.00

02:23:35.000 She's crazy. 0.98

02:23:36.000 She's crazy. 0.99

02:23:37.000 But she's fun. 1.00

02:23:38.000 Look, all I give a fuck... 1.00

02:23:39.000 Oh, I give a fuck. 1.00

02:23:41.000 Are you nice? 1.00

02:23:42.000 Dude, when I meet you, are you a nice person?

02:23:43.000 Are you nice?

02:23:44.000 Can we get along?

02:23:45.000 And I meet her, she's always friendly.

02:23:47.000 You know, I'm a judge.

02:23:48.000 She's nice.

02:23:48.000 She's friendly.

02:23:49.000 She's nice to be around.

02:23:50.000 I bet she's very nice, but I'm going to be worried about her.

02:23:52.000 Yeah.

02:23:53.000 Well, I would be worried. 0.97

02:23:54.000 I'm always worried psychologically when I see someone do one of those crazy movies where, you know, those 15 dudes jerking off in your eyeballs. 0.80

02:24:02.000 It's like, what is that like? 0.76

02:24:04.000 And I was really disturbed.

02:24:07.000 I'm like, this is crazy.

02:24:08.000 People tell me I'm dirty on stage. 1.00

02:24:10.000 You've got to see this shit. 1.00

02:24:12.000 And people watch. 1.00

02:24:13.000 There's a market for that.

02:24:14.000 I didn't invent that. 1.00

02:24:16.000 People pulling her hair and they're fucking pissing on her. 1.00

02:24:18.000 And they're putting shit in her mouth. 1.00

02:24:20.000 I almost cried. 1.00

02:24:21.000 I almost started fucking crying. 0.99

02:24:23.000 I felt that fucking emotional. 1.00

02:24:25.000 Wait until you have a daughter. 1.00

02:24:26.000 And then you watch it.

02:24:28.000 Yeah.

02:24:30.000 I watched that stuff.

02:24:31.000 Why would you watch that with your daughter? 0.92

02:24:32.000 No, I'm not saying watch it with your daughter. 0.62

02:24:34.000 I'm saying think about the fact that you have a daughter and that your daughter could grow up to be that girl.

02:24:39.000 By the way, I was going to tell you.

02:24:40.000 But here's the other problem.

02:24:42.000 She likes it.

02:24:43.000 She says she likes it.

02:24:44.000 I don't want it. 1.00

02:24:46.000 But if you had to tell me, hey, somebody offered Sam Tripoli a movie and he's going to do it and he gets to fuck 15 hot girls. 1.00

02:24:57.000 Sam Tripoli would do that. 1.00

02:24:59.000 Is it bad for Sam Tripoli if he's lying there and 15 girls are shoving their pussy in his face? 1.00

02:25:04.000 Is that bad? 1.00

02:25:04.000 No, it's not bad. 1.00

02:25:05.000 So why is it bad that she fucks 20 dudes? 1.00

02:25:08.000 Well, it's only bad, really, because in our mind it's bad that you shouldn't like that. 0.99

02:25:12.000 But she says she likes it.

02:25:13.000 How much would they pay Sasha Gray?

02:25:15.000 I don't know, man.

02:25:17.000 Brian would know more than anybody.

02:25:18.000 He's friends with all those chicks. 1.00

02:25:19.000 Nowadays, they're not getting paid. 0.99

02:25:23.000 They're not getting that much money like Sasha Gray for fucking $16. 1.00

02:25:26.000 I know a girl that just did her first anal. 1.00

02:25:31.000 Her first anal. 1.00

02:25:32.000 I know this girl. 1.00

02:25:33.000 She's like a pretty new up-and-comer.

02:25:37.000 Up-and-comer.

02:25:38.000 You'd think she would get a lot of money for her first time, but it was like $1,000.

02:25:42.000 How funny is that, up-and-comer?

02:25:44.000 She's an up-and-comer, yeah. 0.99

02:25:45.000 She's fucking, she's gotta scale the great heights. 1.00

02:25:47.000 Oh, it's come with a year, though. 0.99

02:25:49.000 Yeah, but I'm saying, the idea of like, where are you gonna go? 1.00

02:25:51.000 A thousand bucks to get fucked in the ass. 1.00

02:25:54.000 That's what I'm saying, but if this was like, if this was like, 15 years ago. 1.00

02:25:58.000 A thousand people see it.

02:25:59.000 Oh, a lot more than a thousand.

02:26:01.000 So wait a second.

02:26:01.000 What if it's good?

02:26:02.000 A thousand bucks.

02:26:06.000 You pay for your hair and makeup.

02:26:10.000 You pay for your fake tan.

02:26:11.000 Really?

02:26:12.000 Yeah.

02:26:13.000 You pay for your AIDS test. 0.86

02:26:15.000 Butthole cleaning. 0.99

02:26:17.000 You gotta douche yourself too. 0.85

02:26:19.000 Yeah.

02:26:20.000 What is it called? 1.00

02:26:21.000 A thousand dollars to get fucked in the ass. 1.00

02:26:23.000 Yeah, you gotta take an enema too. 1.00

02:26:24.000 You gotta clean out your butthole. 1.00

02:26:25.000 What I don't get is how guys are still guy porn stars. 1.00

02:26:29.000 Because you know that has to be like zero money, guy porn stars.

02:26:34.000 They must be paying them a couple hundred bucks at least. 0.99

02:26:36.000 For a lot of guys, man, like, I know dudes who've done porn, and it was like, you know, I didn't want to work at fucking McDonald's. 0.96

02:26:42.000 So I could do this, and I could make 500 bucks. 0.98

02:26:45.000 Like, there's some desperate people out there, and they fucked some girls on film, you know? 0.96

02:26:49.000 Like Tyler, our friend Tyler Knight that we had on the show. 0.99

02:26:52.000 Fucking great guy. 0.98

02:26:53.000 Normal, regular dude. 0.99

02:26:55.000 And he's out of the business now.

02:26:56.000 I think he's writing books.

02:26:57.000 Writing books and he's got an actual real job job.

02:26:59.000 He's like a corporate dude.

02:27:00.000 But he deployed for life?

02:27:01.000 Oh, yeah.

02:27:01.000 Yeah, he probably has to hire.

02:27:02.000 Can he make money?

02:27:03.000 I mean, do you make money?

02:27:04.000 You know, I think you make enough to pay your bills. 0.99

02:27:08.000 You know, you can get by if you live cautiously and you do a lot of fucking. 0.98

02:27:13.000 I don't think you're getting rich. 0.99

02:27:15.000 Unless you're like a famous guy.

02:27:17.000 Listen, you call me, you go, Joe, are you busy this afternoon?

02:27:19.000 No, not really.

02:27:19.000 What's up?

02:27:20.000 Listen, I want you to come home when you fuck this chick and come on her face. 1.00

02:27:22.000 I'll give you a scale of six. 1.00

02:27:24.000 I'm there.

02:27:24.000 That's not bad.

02:27:25.000 I'm going to fucking come on somebody's face. 1.00

02:27:27.000 But to get fucked in the ass for a thousand dollars, that's just wrong. 1.00

02:27:31.000 I would want at least 10 G's, 15 G's. 1.00

02:27:34.000 Well, the whole world changed.

02:27:36.000 You know, the whole world of porn completely changed.

02:27:38.000 When?

02:27:38.000 When they stopped selling DVDs.

02:27:40.000 DVD sales disappeared when the internet came along.

02:27:43.000 They just disappeared.

02:27:44.000 They dried up completely.

02:27:45.000 Remember when Laws Erwick was saying the sky is falling because they had figured out a way to download things off the internet?

02:27:52.000 That was back when people weren't even that good at it.

02:27:55.000 Napster, file sharing and shit like that. 0.99

02:27:56.000 Now the fucking game is over. 1.00

02:27:59.000 The game's over. 1.00

02:28:00.000 So there's no more money in porn DVDs anymore.

02:28:03.000 I wouldn't be surprised if it diminished by 95%.

02:28:07.000 So people rent those?

02:28:09.000 They used to.

02:28:10.000 But now nobody rents them.

02:28:12.000 Now they can sell them, I guess, to direct TV and cable where you can buy videos to go.

02:28:19.000 Because if you flip through those late night channels, it's like $10 a movie or something like that, or $9 a movie.

02:28:24.000 And they're always there.

02:28:25.000 They always have videos.

02:28:26.000 So someone's buying content.

02:28:28.000 So I'm guessing they're selling something to someone somewhere, but it's nothing like the roaring 20s of porn that they had that they experienced out here for a couple decades. 0.97

02:28:37.000 For a couple decades, it was like, even though it was not respectable, there was people that had these giant-ass fucking houses and drove Ferraris, and the neighbors would be like, well, who's that guy? 0.98

02:28:47.000 Oh, he's in porn. 0.99

02:28:48.000 He's in porn. 1.00

02:28:49.000 But it was like, he was so rich, he didn't care that this scumbag was living next door to you. 0.99

02:28:54.000 But this guy was like a porn guy, and he would drive around in a Ferrari, and he was making millions. 0.98

02:28:58.000 And they would laugh at all these people that weren't in the porn business.

02:29:01.000 Listen, we make it, you buy it, okay?

02:29:03.000 I sell it, you pretend you don't buy it, but you do buy it.

02:29:06.000 And that's why my house is so big, baby.

02:29:09.000 Well, that guy doesn't exist anymore.

02:29:11.000 That guy doesn't exist. 0.99

02:29:12.000 Now it's like these hustler dudes who are sticking a camera in a girl's asshole and filming these audition tapes where girls meet them in conference rooms and they fuck them on a couch and Come on their face and make them sign a waiver and it's all like Gonzo style. 0.99

02:29:27.000 That's what's big in porn now. 1.00

02:29:31.000 The movies that they used to try to make, they used to try to make porn movies. 0.98

02:29:36.000 The Devil and Mrs. Jones was a porn movie. 0.68

02:29:39.000 Behind the Green Door with Marilyn Chambers, that was a porn movie. 0.97

02:29:43.000 Deep Throat was a porn movie. 0.97

02:29:45.000 Deep Throat was a porn movie.

02:29:47.000 People went to see it.

02:29:49.000 There's a photo of Johnny Carson waiting in line to go see Deep Throat.

02:29:55.000 Deep Throat was a pornographic movie. 1.00

02:29:57.000 The chick was sucking dicks. 1.00

02:29:58.000 But it still was a movie, and it was an artistic movie. 1.00

02:30:01.000 That shit doesn't exist anymore. 0.99

02:30:03.000 That was back then when, if you made porn, it was like, you have the only copy of it. 1.00

02:30:08.000 For someone to get it, they have to get it from you.

02:30:12.000 When you made Deep Throat, there's only one way to get Deep Throat.

02:30:14.000 You've got to get it from the guy who made it.

02:30:15.000 Is he going to make more copies of it?

02:30:17.000 How do I get it?

02:30:18.000 There wasn't even VHS tapes then.

02:30:20.000 You couldn't even see something again whenever you wanted to.

02:30:23.000 That's why when I saw Star Wars when I was a little kid, the thing was you'd go see Star Wars like 10 times.

02:30:28.000 I saw Star Wars, I think it was like 10 or 13 times or something crazy like that.

02:30:31.000 But that's what everybody did.

02:30:32.000 You know why?

02:30:33.000 Because you couldn't get a DVD. There was no DVDs.

02:30:36.000 There was no VHS. Once the movie was gone, it was over.

02:30:39.000 Yeah, it was over.

02:30:40.000 Now we're in the exact opposite.

02:30:42.000 Now, I'm sitting here talking to you, and all I have to do is go, oh yeah?

02:30:47.000 Well, let me go to iTunes real quick.

02:30:49.000 What, The Godfather?

02:30:51.000 Order, and I'm getting it.

02:30:53.000 And then while you're talking, I press play, and I'm watching The Godfather.

02:30:58.000 That quickly. 0.69

02:30:59.000 I mean, it's ridiculous, the saturation now.

02:31:01.000 What year did you go to New York?

02:31:04.000 I started comedy in 88 and I met Sussman.

02:31:07.000 I think it was 90 I met Sussman.

02:31:09.000 89 or 90. Was the porn thing still big in New York?

02:31:12.000 42nd Street?

02:31:13.000 Yeah.

02:31:14.000 They hadn't cleaned it up yet.

02:31:16.000 Yeah.

02:31:16.000 It was scary.

02:31:17.000 It was a dangerous world back then.

02:31:19.000 It was a different world.

02:31:20.000 The 80s, 42nd Street was dirty, man.

02:31:23.000 It was like, you didn't go down there. 1.00

02:31:25.000 It was like, there was like porn theaters and it was hustlers and hookers. 1.00

02:31:30.000 It was fucking amazing. 0.99

02:31:31.000 Yeah, and they had those weird signs, and the signs would say what dirty movies play in. 0.98

02:31:37.000 It would be right there as you're driving by.

02:31:39.000 There was a lot of them.

02:31:40.000 Peep shows, and my friend Johnny used to go to peep shows when he was on crack. 0.85

02:31:45.000 He said that smoking crack, he goes, you could never get a hot on, but you were always horny. 1.00

02:31:50.000 So I'd go, and these fucking dirty bitches, they'd be right behind a glass, and I'd pay them, and they'd be right in front of me with their dirty ass, and I'd be jerking off, and I couldn't get a hot on. 1.00

02:31:59.000 But he goes, but I'd be there all day when I was smoking crack. 1.00

02:32:02.000 Somehow or another, the people that are smoking crack, they get on those heavy amphetamines, smoking those things, they want to watch a lot of porn.

02:32:11.000 It's like a big thing from meth people.

02:32:13.000 A lot of meth people like to watch porn. 0.52

02:32:15.000 I guess it's because they just want to go super dirty. 0.99

02:32:18.000 They're just dirty. 1.00

02:32:20.000 You want to get your dick sucked. 1.00

02:32:22.000 I never liked porn, but when I lived in Aspen and Boulder, and I would pick up chicks like they would like porn, And I'd say, get it. 1.00

02:32:29.000 You know, I'm not going to watch it. 1.00

02:32:30.000 I'm just going to snort coke and fucking get my dick sucked. 1.00

02:32:33.000 When you get cocaine evil, cocaine evil is horrible. 1.00

02:32:37.000 Because that's how you get your hips moving in the chair. 1.00

02:32:40.000 Like as she's talking to you, talking about sucking your dick. 1.00

02:32:43.000 Joe Rogan, your hips start to move the way I am. 1.00

02:32:46.000 Like my things will be gyrating. 0.91

02:32:47.000 You're just looking at a porno.

02:32:48.000 You know, I've seen girls gyrate in their chairs while they're coked up. 1.00

02:32:53.000 Wow.

02:32:54.000 Like gyrate. 1.00

02:32:54.000 Like fucking like a savage. 1.00

02:32:56.000 Like just get all fucking. 1.00

02:32:57.000 I like all that shit as far as. 1.00

02:32:59.000 Let me tell you something. 1.00

02:33:00.000 I would make a chick. 1.00

02:33:01.000 If the chicks did some of my coke, she was sucking my dick till that dick got hard. 1.00

02:33:05.000 You understand me? 1.00

02:33:06.000 You know, you get freaky. 1.00

02:33:08.000 It's things you want to do, but you can't because you got dead dick. 1.00

02:33:12.000 Why are you so freaky, though, if your dick's not working? 1.00

02:33:14.000 Because you just, I don't know. 1.00

02:33:15.000 You just want it.

02:33:16.000 Do you experience this, too?

02:33:17.000 You want what you can't get.

02:33:20.000 What happened?

02:33:21.000 Because I know you had a coke thing for a while.

02:33:22.000 What did you get into?

02:33:24.000 You get hard-ons when you snort a coke?

02:33:25.000 I never had a problem not getting a hard-on, ever, with any drug or anything.

02:33:29.000 I find that very hard to believe. 0.84

02:33:30.000 I think once when I was sick, I tried to masturbate when I had a really high temperature in it. 0.91

02:33:35.000 I couldn't do it. 0.97

02:33:36.000 Once when you're six, you couldn't get it up.

02:33:37.000 What do you consider up?

02:33:38.000 Is your up like a spongy sort of marshmallow? 1.00

02:33:40.000 No, I'm talking about like if I get blackout drunk, I have a harder dick than if I didn't have a drunk. 1.00

02:33:45.000 Okay, next time you get blackout drunk, I'm going to take a picture of your dick. 1.00

02:33:47.000 So you're going to get it hard. 1.00

02:33:49.000 You defy the laws of physiology.

02:33:51.000 That doesn't even make sense.

02:33:52.000 I don't know.

02:33:53.000 Seriously.

02:33:54.000 Almost everybody has a problem. 0.96

02:33:56.000 Not only can I have the biggest hard arm when I'm drunk, I also last stupid and long amounts of time, like an hour and a half. 0.96

02:34:03.000 That's normal. 0.95

02:34:04.000 That's because you don't feel as much.

02:34:05.000 That happens with me, too.

02:34:07.000 I think that's normal.

02:34:08.000 When you're drunk, you don't really get off that good.

02:34:10.000 I've never had...

02:34:12.000 It's such a difference, man. 0.99

02:34:13.000 People don't smoke weed, don't even know what it fucking feels like. 0.98

02:34:16.000 When you get high with your woman, and you know, especially if you really love a chick, you've been there a while, you're like really close, you're not fighting, there's no bullshit, there's no animosity, no weirdness, no need, no extra need that's hovering over every fucking conversation you have. 0.99

02:34:36.000 There's a lot of bad relationships out there, Joey Diaz. 0.99

02:34:38.000 But if you got a good one, if you got a good one, you smoke weed with your lady and make out, have some sex. 0.99

02:34:43.000 I tell you, it's incredible. 1.00

02:34:45.000 It feels 20 times better. 0.98

02:34:48.000 Like no bullshit. 0.99

02:34:49.000 When you get high and you just hang out with a chick, it's so much fucking better, even than drinking. 1.00

02:34:54.000 Drinking always fucked enough for me. 1.00

02:34:55.000 They got that fucking wine breath and shit. 1.00

02:34:57.000 I like that. 1.00

02:34:58.000 I don't like that.

02:34:59.000 I don't like alcohol.

02:35:00.000 I like it.

02:35:01.000 I don't like alcohol.

02:35:01.000 I like whiskey breath, because you know what?

02:35:03.000 That's a chick that's going to make some fucking mistakes. 1.00

02:35:05.000 We're going to do something crazy. 1.00

02:35:07.000 You can talk her into some shit. 1.00

02:35:09.000 I grew up in a bar. 1.00

02:35:10.000 I like the smell of alcohol.

02:35:12.000 I like it if you can keep it together.

02:35:13.000 I like a good drunk.

02:35:15.000 Oh, I don't mind the drunk.

02:35:16.000 I like a drunk that can keep it together.

02:35:17.000 We're going to be hanging out with a drunk tonight.

02:35:19.000 You're going to hang out with a drunk tonight?

02:35:20.000 Bert Kreischer.

02:35:21.000 Oh, I love Bert.

02:35:22.000 I love that guy.

02:35:23.000 I might drink tonight because I haven't drank in a week. 0.99

02:35:25.000 He came on the podcast yesterday and I was just thinking, what a fucking positive guy. 0.87

02:35:29.000 You know, when we were talking about this whole death squad thing about all of us, one of the most beautiful things is the friends that we've made and that we've formulated this. 0.95

02:35:37.000 Group of really nice people.

02:35:39.000 We could trust all of them.

02:35:40.000 You know, like Burt Kreischer, I trust that guy.

02:35:42.000 I love Burt.

02:35:42.000 I trust him to like always be nice.

02:35:45.000 I trust him to always...

02:35:46.000 I always want to hug him.

02:35:47.000 He's always great to talk to.

02:35:49.000 He's a good human being.

02:35:50.000 You know, there's so many good human beings.

02:35:52.000 Brian Callen, same way.

02:35:54.000 He's a great human being. 0.98

02:35:56.000 I fucking love Brian Callen. 0.98

02:35:58.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

02:35:59.000 Did we find our brand?

02:36:01.000 We've made our brand.

02:36:02.000 We've formulated our brand.

02:36:03.000 Yeah, what's that from?

02:36:05.000 We made our brand last Friday.

02:36:06.000 Yeah, what was that from?

02:36:07.000 That was the NIT Improv with that kid.

02:36:09.000 Oh, who was?

02:36:10.000 Thank God you didn't show. 0.99

02:36:11.000 Oh, yeah, that guy was fucking beating our ear in. 1.00

02:36:14.000 Talking nonsense, fucking showbiz terms to us. 1.00

02:36:17.000 We got trapped. 1.00

02:36:18.000 We got trapped in a weird conversation.

02:36:20.000 But you guys really have established your brand.

02:36:22.000 You know, I think you guys have done an amazing job of establishing your brand.

02:36:26.000 I'm like, you are speaking.

02:36:29.000 Buzzwords!

02:36:30.000 It's crazy.

02:36:32.000 Because I wish that everybody at one time got to see New York City in the 80s.

02:36:38.000 Just to see that.

02:36:39.000 Just to see that.

02:36:39.000 Let me tell you something.

02:36:40.000 I used to go to those peep shows as... 1.00

02:36:43.000 To kill time, I worked on 52nd Street, and when you're 13, you go to see a piece of pussy. 1.00

02:36:49.000 It was the raunchiest. 0.99

02:36:51.000 First off, where do they hire the guy to go in there with the mops? 0.97

02:36:55.000 Because you walk out, and he's right in there with a mop, and that mop picks up that load of sperm. 0.98

02:37:00.000 You come on the floor.

02:37:01.000 There's no tissues in those places.

02:37:03.000 You know, when I was a kid, I fought in a really big karate tournament, Madison Square Garden. 0.99

02:37:08.000 Yeah, yeah, Iron Banks and all that shit. 0.88

02:37:09.000 Yeah, there was a big karate tournament. 0.93

02:37:11.000 I was like, maybe 16. I was still in high school.

02:37:14.000 Did you walk over there?

02:37:15.000 I don't remember.

02:37:16.000 I don't remember much, man.

02:37:17.000 I remember there was a lot of fights, and I definitely got tagged in the head a few times.

02:37:20.000 Oh, but you didn't go over to the beach shows?

02:37:22.000 No, no, I didn't do any of that back then.

02:37:25.000 I didn't even believe in pleasure back then.

02:37:28.000 I thought that if I needed pleasure, I was weak.

02:37:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:37:30.000 When I was 16, I didn't even want to fuck. 0.99

02:37:32.000 Until I got my first girlfriend. 1.00

02:37:33.000 Then we started fucking like rabbits. 0.99

02:37:34.000 I was totally right. 0.99

02:37:36.000 Distracted the shit out of me for a little while.

02:37:38.000 But I didn't... 0.99

02:37:39.000 I tried to avoid sex. 1.00

02:37:40.000 I wouldn't even fuck my girlfriend in the school. 0.99

02:37:42.000 Because, you know, I used to teach at my martial arts school. 0.99

02:37:45.000 So I was in high school. 0.99

02:37:46.000 And I had keys to this fucking building in downtown LA. Boston. 0.99

02:37:50.000 Boston, rather.

02:37:51.000 Not even downtown Boston.

02:37:52.000 But...

02:37:53.000 It's this building in Boston.

02:37:54.000 I would teach there.

02:37:55.000 I mean, I would go there.

02:37:56.000 And I would also like to go there because I had my car back then.

02:38:00.000 I would like to go there and work out when I knew that everybody was asleep.

02:38:03.000 I had this crazy thing where I wanted to work out when I knew that everybody that I was fighting was asleep.

02:38:09.000 That's when I would go there, like 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock in the morning.

02:38:11.000 I would start my workouts. 1.00

02:38:12.000 And I was dating this freak bitch. 1.00

02:38:15.000 And she would go with me. 1.00

02:38:16.000 She wanted to fuck all the time. 1.00

02:38:17.000 She was dirty. 1.00

02:38:18.000 She was so dirty. 1.00

02:38:19.000 I dated a few really dirty girls when I was young, but this one was just down, down, DTF all day. 1.00

02:38:27.000 She was just crazy. 0.99

02:38:28.000 It's amazing when you first start fucking when you're like 15 and 16. That's why I always loved that song Night Moves, that Bob Seger song, because that reminded me of this chick. 1.00

02:38:38.000 Because me and this chick were just awkward, and we were in love with each other, supposedly, but not really. 0.97

02:38:44.000 What it really was like, we would just go on these horrendous fuck rampages to try to escape our reality through a relationship, through intense sex, and, you know, just the awkwardness of growing up. 0.96

02:38:57.000 But that Night Move song. 0.99

02:38:58.000 I remember Pussy made me get left back in the sixth grade. 0.99

02:39:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:39:03.000 Let me tell you about that.

02:39:04.000 The sixth grade?

02:39:05.000 Wait, what is the sixth grade?

02:39:06.000 That's 12, right?

02:39:07.000 In the sixth grade.

02:39:08.000 How old is that?

02:39:08.000 I was in love with this girl in New York.

02:39:10.000 How old is that?

02:39:11.000 12. She was a skinny little fucking Cuban chick. 1.00

02:39:13.000 And her father lived downstairs. 1.00

02:39:15.000 The mother was hot. 1.00

02:39:16.000 And every afternoon she would say to me, because, you know, I don't know why.

02:39:19.000 She'd go, listen, I could date you, but we can't date till school ends.

02:39:23.000 That's when my mom says I could date boys.

02:39:24.000 So we had to do it.

02:39:25.000 And I hung out with her brother.

02:39:26.000 Her brother and me didn't like each other.

02:39:28.000 And every afternoon I'd bring her over to my house.

02:39:30.000 I'd put on earth, wind and fire. 0.99

02:39:32.000 Can't Hide Love off the fucking, the live album. 0.99

02:39:35.000 And we dry hump over and over to that song. 1.00

02:39:39.000 I would suck a little funnel titties. 1.00

02:39:41.000 And then finally, like they had those little funnel titties in the sixth grade. 0.99

02:39:45.000 The best was my mother hated when she would be in the room. 1.00

02:39:48.000 Like my mother would come home and go, what the fuck is she doing in your room? 1.00

02:39:51.000 Open the goddamn door. 1.00

02:39:52.000 Respect me. 1.00

02:39:53.000 Respect me.

02:39:54.000 And I would go, come on, come on, huh? 1.00

02:39:55.000 Yeah, what was the open-the-room shit? 0.99

02:39:57.000 And one day, my mother paid one of the guys from the bar to go over there and get a ladder. 1.00

02:40:02.000 My mother and her, I'm dry-humping the girl, and I'm hearing this shit in my backyard. 1.00

02:40:06.000 I'm like, I'm not gonna fuck. 1.00

02:40:07.000 I'm dry-humping this bitch. 1.00

02:40:09.000 And I'm dry-humping this bitch. 1.00

02:40:11.000 And all of a sudden, I hear, dunk, dunk, dunk. 1.00

02:40:13.000 And all of a sudden, I hear, oh, pssh.

02:40:15.000 My mother paid the guy like 50 bucks to get a ladder and tell her what we were doing in there.

02:40:20.000 But the ladder fell.

02:40:23.000 They had to take him to the hospital.

02:40:25.000 He broke like a finger.

02:40:26.000 Broke far off a ladder.

02:40:27.000 It's no joke. 1.00

02:40:27.000 This chick's pussy, bro, by the first time. 1.00

02:40:29.000 Like it was like she told me I couldn't kiss her. 1.00

02:40:32.000 Like we couldn't make out and shit to her. 1.00

02:40:34.000 But this is crazy. 0.99

02:40:35.000 Because we weren't going to make out until the day after school. 1.00

02:40:38.000 But she was going to let me lick her little pussy. 1.00

02:40:40.000 And I remember the first time I smelled this pussy. 1.00

02:40:43.000 I was like in the sixth grade. 1.00

02:40:44.000 I fucking just went numb. 0.99

02:40:46.000 It was like my ears. 0.99

02:40:47.000 You know, before Michael Corleone shoots Salazzo out of the train, but it's really his deafness from your... 0.79

02:40:53.000 I didn't know, Joe Rogan.

02:40:55.000 My head was hot.

02:40:56.000 And I just licked... 0.94

02:40:57.000 You smell my hand. 0.71

02:40:58.000 Did it smell like this?

02:40:59.000 Your face gets all red. 1.00

02:41:01.000 Remember the first time you fucked? 1.00

02:41:02.000 Your face would get red to eat. 1.00

02:41:04.000 And I remember eating a pussy, and I was done, dog. 1.00

02:41:07.000 Done. 1.00

02:41:07.000 I had to eat a pussy every fucking day. 1.00

02:41:09.000 That's what you did? 1.00

02:41:10.000 Every day.

02:41:11.000 Every day I talk her into coming over. 1.00

02:41:13.000 Do you think that started your worldwide, lifelong obsession with pussy eating? 1.00

02:41:18.000 With pussy eating? 1.00

02:41:18.000 Nah. 1.00

02:41:18.000 Is it this one girl? 1.00

02:41:19.000 It sounds like it is.

02:41:20.000 It sounds like it's a positive moment for you. 0.99

02:41:21.000 But I wouldn't need her ass or nothing. 1.00

02:41:22.000 I was scared of the asshole. 1.00

02:41:23.000 Stop that. 1.00

02:41:24.000 I was in the sixth grade.

02:41:25.000 I was in the sixth grade.

02:41:26.000 And then what happened was we got caught playing hooky, so it was like endless love.

02:41:31.000 But our parents told us we couldn't hang out with each other no more. 0.98

02:41:33.000 It was fucking crazy. 0.99

02:41:34.000 I was going to burn the house down and everything. 0.99

02:41:35.000 And then I got sent to summer school because I wouldn't do homework, bro.

02:41:39.000 That's all I would think about.

02:41:40.000 I would eat her until 6.

02:41:42.000 I would go home and eat dinner, and then we'd get on the phone until 2 in the morning. 1.00

02:41:45.000 You know, it was fucking Donnie and Marie type shit. 1.00

02:41:47.000 Right. 1.00

02:41:48.000 Kids, you know.

02:41:48.000 And our parents didn't let us hang out.

02:41:51.000 And I got thrown.

02:41:52.000 I was supposed to get to summer school at 8.30. 1.00

02:41:54.000 So, in fact, I had to go over there instead to eat her pussy because by that time she let me stick it in her a little bit. 1.00

02:42:01.000 Fingers? 1.00

02:42:01.000 And I would go fingers and like all that. 1.00

02:42:03.000 No, was she touching your dick at all? 1.00

02:42:05.000 No. 1.00

02:42:05.000 No? 1.00

02:42:06.000 I was such a Catholic little fag prude then. 1.00

02:42:08.000 Really? 1.00

02:42:09.000 I didn't want to touch my dick. 1.00

02:42:10.000 Really? 1.00

02:42:10.000 If she touched my dick, I didn't want it in my life. 1.00

02:42:13.000 Did you get boners? 1.00

02:42:14.000 I got boners. 1.00

02:42:15.000 I got big dicks I wanted to fuck. 1.00

02:42:16.000 But in those days, when I was from the age, listen, I got to tell you some guys. 1.00

02:42:21.000 From the age of 12 to about 17, if a girl grabbed my dick, I'd tell her to get dressed and leave. 1.00

02:42:27.000 Really? 1.00

02:42:27.000 I was one of those fucking momos. 1.00

02:42:29.000 I didn't want blowjobs. 1.00

02:42:30.000 I was looking for a wife. 1.00

02:42:32.000 Really?

02:42:32.000 Yeah, I'm looking for a woman.

02:42:34.000 I don't want a chick that sucks my dick. 1.00

02:42:35.000 That means she's a whore. 1.00

02:42:37.000 And then I remember the first time I got my dick sucked bonafide. 1.00

02:42:41.000 My buddy Louie Donato, I still remember him. 1.00

02:42:43.000 He's like, dog, I got this massage place.

02:42:45.000 You got to come up there and help me do security.

02:42:47.000 I'm like, I'm 18, dog.

02:42:49.000 I'm like, how much are you going to pay me? 1.00

02:42:50.000 He's like, I can't pay you nothing, but I have the chick suck your dick. 1.00

02:42:52.000 So I just wanted a blowjob. 1.00

02:42:54.000 So I didn't tell him the truth. 0.99

02:42:55.000 I went up there one day.

02:42:55.000 I go, I'll do security, dog.

02:42:57.000 I stood there. 1.00

02:42:58.000 I go, one of these chicks are going to suck your dick. 1.00

02:42:59.000 He goes, whenever you want. 1.00

02:43:00.000 So this chick took me in the back. 1.00

02:43:01.000 She had a lawn. 1.00

02:43:02.000 I'll never forget that she sucked my dick. 1.00

02:43:03.000 And then she goes, you can cut in my hair. 1.00

02:43:05.000 Dog, I left there fucking mummified. 1.00

02:43:08.000 He's like, go ahead. 1.00

02:43:10.000 You got to work the door for a few hours.

02:43:11.000 I just went home.

02:43:12.000 It took like three showers.

02:43:13.000 I didn't talk about it.

02:43:14.000 I kind of cried.

02:43:16.000 Like, bro, when I was a young kid, I was a prude.

02:43:18.000 I was very prudish.

02:43:19.000 Did you come in her hair?

02:43:20.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:43:21.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:43:23.000 Who are you kidding? 1.00

02:43:24.000 I'm not that much of a proof.

02:43:25.000 You know, when somebody lets you come in their hand, and it's their idea... 0.99

02:43:29.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:43:30.000 You know, I'll come in your hair. 1.00

02:43:31.000 But I didn't like it.

02:43:32.000 Like, at that time, I really didn't like that stuff.

02:43:34.000 I don't know why.

02:43:34.000 I don't even know why.

02:43:35.000 It was really weird. 0.99

02:43:36.000 I was a prude till fucking a long time, dog. 1.00

02:43:40.000 Then I didn't give a fuck. 1.00

02:43:42.000 Well, you probably saw vice. 1.00

02:43:43.000 You saw so much vice as a kid.

02:43:45.000 You saw so many things that you were like, I'm gonna avoid all these problems. 0.99

02:43:49.000 I'm gonna avoid all this shit that I see around me. 0.98

02:43:51.000 I see chaos. 1.00

02:43:52.000 I see death.

02:43:53.000 I see loss.

02:43:55.000 I'm gonna avoid all this vice. 1.00

02:43:56.000 That's the only thing that makes sense if you didn't want a girl touching your dick. 1.00

02:43:58.000 You were obviously rejecting vice. 1.00

02:44:00.000 Oh, I didn't want nothing. 1.00

02:44:01.000 I wanted to fuck and suck. 1.00

02:44:03.000 I was the captain. 1.00

02:44:05.000 What? 0.99

02:44:07.000 Yeah, but you didn't want them to touch your dick at all, but you didn't do anything to them. 0.99

02:44:10.000 Were you worried about doing something? 0.99

02:44:13.000 What were you worried about? 1.00

02:44:14.000 I was worried about that they were dirty if they touched my dick. 1.00

02:44:17.000 If a woman grabbed your dick, she was dirty. 1.00

02:44:19.000 She was crazy. 1.00

02:44:20.000 You know how people who don't smoke pot look at people who smoke pot? 0.98

02:44:23.000 They see hallucinations.

02:44:26.000 They see the devil!

02:44:27.000 I've had some conversations with really rational people.

02:44:30.000 I've had that.

02:44:31.000 You tell them you smoke pot and they blow a fuse.

02:44:34.000 They don't know how to talk to you anymore.

02:44:35.000 You see the hiccup in their system.

02:44:38.000 What?

02:44:39.000 You smoke pot?

02:44:39.000 You know what happened with that girl years later?

02:44:42.000 What are you doing?

02:44:43.000 Me and that girl became really good friends. 0.99

02:44:45.000 That girl that we were dry humping and shit. 1.00

02:44:48.000 I think like two years later we became good friends. 1.00

02:44:51.000 We were fucking backyard buddies. 0.99

02:44:52.000 We shed a backyard. 0.99

02:44:54.000 And I had a friend of mine who stole bicycles.

02:44:57.000 And he would always put them together and go, hey, come here.

02:44:59.000 Drive this for a couple days.

02:45:00.000 Let me know what you think. 0.99

02:45:02.000 And you drive and then come back and go, you know, the steering wheel's fucked up. 0.99

02:45:05.000 You got to tighten or whatever. 0.93

02:45:06.000 He was a mechanic, John.

02:45:07.000 Right.

02:45:08.000 So he gave me this 10-speed one.

02:45:09.000 He goes, bro, take it.

02:45:10.000 Take it.

02:45:11.000 Let me know what you think.

02:45:12.000 So I take it.

02:45:12.000 I'm playing.

02:45:13.000 And it was a bunch of kids.

02:45:14.000 I was in the seventh grade because I got left back.

02:45:17.000 She was now in the eighth grade.

02:45:18.000 I was in the eighth grade and she was a freshman.

02:45:20.000 That's what it was.

02:45:21.000 And we were all playing on the same block and she took the bike.

02:45:25.000 Somebody said, go to the store.

02:45:27.000 She took the bike.

02:45:27.000 And I go, where's the bike?

02:45:28.000 And they said, New Yorker took it.

02:45:30.000 She's going to the store.

02:45:31.000 This was a block that was circular.

02:45:33.000 What do you call those blocks?

02:45:34.000 Cul-de-sacs?

02:45:34.000 Cul-de-sacs.

02:45:35.000 And the middle has like an island?

02:45:36.000 Yes.

02:45:37.000 So I was on one side of the street playing two-hand football, and she was riding the bike this way.

02:45:42.000 So me and my friends started running at her.

02:45:45.000 Bro, the steering is loose. 0.99

02:45:47.000 But she thought we were going to fucking chase her. 1.00

02:45:50.000 Right? 0.99

02:45:51.000 Like we were chasing to take the bike away from her.

02:45:53.000 I'm like, no, take the bike.

02:45:54.000 But the steering was loose.

02:45:55.000 Don't make a turn.

02:45:56.000 So she's giggling, bro. 1.00

02:45:59.000 The fuck? 1.00

02:45:59.000 And she went to make the turn. 1.00

02:46:01.000 She flew over it. 0.83

02:46:02.000 Landed.

02:46:03.000 We got up.

02:46:04.000 She went home.

02:46:05.000 The next day, I walked to school.

02:46:07.000 And they're like, come here for a second.

02:46:08.000 Remember your girlfriend?

02:46:09.000 She's in critical condition. 1.00

02:46:10.000 She landed on the head and got a blood clot in the middle of the fucking night. 1.00

02:46:14.000 She had to shave her head. 1.00

02:46:15.000 Let me tell you how good looking this girl was. 1.00

02:46:17.000 She's still one homecoming queen with the bald fucking head, though. 1.00

02:46:20.000 So what'd they do? 1.00

02:46:21.000 They have to open our skull?

02:46:22.000 They have to open her skull. 0.97

02:46:23.000 And the weird thing was that she was always flat-chested. 1.00

02:46:25.000 After I bumped her head, her tits got gigantic. 1.00

02:46:29.000 A bump to the head made her tits. 1.00

02:46:31.000 But it was really bad because our families were mad at each other. 1.00

02:46:35.000 And I remember one day, her brother was like a dick. 0.99

02:46:37.000 He didn't like me. 0.99

02:46:38.000 And him and his father came over my house, liked to talk to me.

02:46:41.000 But my stepfather was in the yard.

02:46:43.000 That's the first time I seen him pull a gun on somebody in Jersey.

02:46:46.000 Like, I never seen him pull a gun on somebody in Jersey.

02:46:49.000 That's the time he went out there and he goes with that.45. 1.00

02:46:52.000 These motherfuckers got back in their Corvette. 1.00

02:46:54.000 And they turned around because they knew my dad had a reputation, but not in Jersey. 1.00

02:46:58.000 He was like, not in Jersey.

02:46:59.000 This is his house.

02:47:00.000 He didn't want any problems.

02:47:01.000 He would hide his guns in his yard so they wouldn't be in his house.

02:47:05.000 We were out there mowing the lawn.

02:47:07.000 We seen the white Corvette, bro.

02:47:09.000 And I go, Dad, that's the guy.

02:47:11.000 New Yorker Reese's father.

02:47:12.000 My dad looked at me.

02:47:13.000 He didn't even hesitate.

02:47:14.000 He just bent right over.

02:47:15.000 You lived a Martin Scorsese movie, dude. 1.00

02:47:18.000 That was fucking crazy. 0.98

02:47:19.000 It would be a good Martin Scorsese movie, too. 0.99

02:47:22.000 Martin, get on it.

02:47:23.000 By the way.

02:47:24.000 Get on it.

02:47:25.000 Holla at Joey Diaz. 0.99

02:47:27.000 Holla at me, cock lickers. 1.00

02:47:28.000 I love you, motherfuckers. 1.00

02:47:29.000 Tonight, it's almost sold out. 1.00

02:47:30.000 The Ice House in Pasadena. 0.99

02:47:32.000 It is going to be a goddamn spectacular extravaganza of a show. 1.00

02:47:36.000 We got Randy Lipke is hosting this bitch. 1.00

02:47:38.000 We got Tom Rhodes all up in this motherfucker. 1.00

02:47:40.000 We got Dom Herrera. 1.00

02:47:42.000 Holla at your boy. 0.81

02:47:44.000 We got Sam Tripoli.

02:47:46.000 We got Brian Redband.

02:47:47.000 Who else?

02:47:48.000 Doug Benson. 1.00

02:47:48.000 Doug Benson's all up in this bitch. 1.00

02:47:50.000 Bert Kreischer. 1.00

02:47:51.000 Bert Kreischer.

02:47:52.000 Taking a cab up there because you don't want to drive.

02:47:54.000 Yeah, Bert's got a car. 1.00

02:47:55.000 Bert takes a fucking car. 1.00

02:47:56.000 Yeah, he's got a car service so he can just throw down. 1.00

02:47:59.000 And me.

02:48:00.000 So we're all up there tonight.

02:48:01.000 That's crazy.

02:48:02.000 An insane lineup.

02:48:03.000 It's a tremendous lineup.

02:48:04.000 For $15.

02:48:05.000 $15. 1.00

02:48:06.000 They should add three fucking shows to it. 0.99

02:48:07.000 And by the way, we do it all the time. 0.99

02:48:08.000 And it's fun as fuck and we love it. 0.78

02:48:10.000 We love doing shows there in Pasadena. 0.97

02:48:13.000 When Joey and I have a big show this weekend in Denver at the Paramount Theater, these shows get us fired up for it.

02:48:19.000 This is how you tune in.

02:48:21.000 This is how you tune up. 0.99

02:48:22.000 Last week was fucking incredible, man. 0.99

02:48:24.000 So was the improv, man. 0.99

02:48:25.000 The improv was fucking incredible. 0.98

02:48:27.000 That Friday night was amazing. 0.99

02:48:29.000 And Amy Schumer was great, too.

02:48:31.000 She was awesome, man. 0.83

02:48:32.000 She was awesome. 0.98

02:48:32.000 I got a slow fucking debt. 0.98

02:48:34.000 I couldn't get them until the end. 0.98

02:48:36.000 They didn't like me in the beginning.

02:48:37.000 Really?

02:48:37.000 They weren't our regular people.

02:48:39.000 Really?

02:48:39.000 Yeah, that club's kind of uncomfortable for me, honestly.

02:48:43.000 I always do good, you know.

02:48:44.000 Sometimes I do good.

02:48:44.000 That's exactly the same.

02:48:46.000 That's so crazy.

02:48:47.000 That was a little weird.

02:48:47.000 Oh, my God.

02:48:48.000 You know what it is?

02:48:48.000 You start off first.

02:48:50.000 So going up first is always harder.

02:48:52.000 Going up first is a weird thing.

02:48:53.000 You got to get them in the groove.

02:48:55.000 They're not losing enough.

02:48:56.000 You should have asked me.

02:48:57.000 Nah, I went up there too fast. 0.96

02:48:58.000 You were sick.

02:48:59.000 You were sick then.

02:49:00.000 I went up there too fast.

02:49:01.000 You would start thinking about the last set you had there.

02:49:04.000 Oh, no, I have my new, because of that club, and because of my last set there, I have 10 minutes of clean material now.

02:49:10.000 Well, that's good.

02:49:11.000 Yeah.

02:49:11.000 You should always have just tools.

02:49:13.000 Yeah.

02:49:13.000 You can just whip out.

02:49:14.000 Throw that in the back.

02:49:15.000 Yeah.

02:49:15.000 It's not even just, they just don't know you.

02:49:18.000 Like, your comedy is so weird, and if someone knows you, then it makes sense.

02:49:22.000 But it's like, uh, there's so many comics that that's the case.

02:49:25.000 Like, when someone, like, not that you're Mitch Hedberg, but Mitch Hedberg used to bomb all the fucking time if people didn't know him.

02:49:31.000 Then once they knew him, then people would come to see it, you know? 1.00

02:49:34.000 But you're a fucking weirdo, dude. 1.00

02:49:35.000 And people don't know why you're throwing cum on the wall in a hotel room. 1.00

02:49:38.000 Like, the fuck is this idiot doing? 1.00

02:49:40.000 Doesn't even make sense. 1.00

02:49:41.000 You know, you're a grown man.

02:49:42.000 You're not 12 years old. 1.00

02:49:43.000 You know, like saying some cutesy shit. 1.00

02:49:45.000 You're almost 40 and you're talking about throwing loads like Spider-Man on the walls. 1.00

02:49:49.000 That's right. 0.99

02:49:49.000 And people are like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99

02:49:52.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

02:49:52.000 So until they know you from the podcast, that's a tough pill to swallow, son. 0.99

02:49:56.000 But once they know you, they're like, oh, silly Red Pan. 0.99

02:49:59.000 Oh, silly. 0.90

02:50:00.000 And also tonight we have the Ice House Chronicles that goes off about 10-ish. 0.99

02:50:05.000 We usually do it about a half an hour before the podcast, and if you want to tune into that, it's going to be right here on this motherfucker, right here on this Ustream channel, bitches. 1.00

02:50:14.000 Brian, you've got to rename these. 0.94

02:50:15.000 All these that say Joe Rogan Live, I thought you were going to go back and rename these.

02:50:18.000 That would take forever.

02:50:19.000 Yeah, well, you've got to do that, dude.

02:50:21.000 You've got to do that.

02:50:21.000 You can't just have Joe Rogan Live and not know on Ustream.

02:50:24.000 Who uses Ustream now?

02:50:26.000 A lot of people do, dude.

02:50:27.000 Why don't they use Vimeo?

02:50:28.000 Stop.

02:50:29.000 Or YouTube.

02:50:30.000 They use this too.

02:50:31.000 I don't know why.

02:50:33.000 The amount of people that re-watch it on Ustream instead of YouTube or Vimeo is like.0007%.

02:50:42.000 That's not true.

02:50:43.000 Not only is that not true, you don't know.

02:50:45.000 And there's a lot of people that take clips off of these things.

02:50:48.000 Off of YouTube and Vimeo.

02:50:49.000 It's hard for them to find with the...

02:50:51.000 No, it's not off YouTube.

02:50:52.000 It's also on Ustream.

02:50:54.000 A lot of these have a lot of views, man.

02:50:55.000 A lot of these have a lot of views.

02:50:57.000 I know, and it happens before it goes up on Vimeo.

02:51:00.000 Once it's on Vimeo, the amount of people, once it's on Vimeo and YouTube, like.0000007.

02:51:05.000 That's all good, but it still has thousands of views.

02:51:07.000 Yeah, because it happens before.

02:51:08.000 But Brian, they still need to be labeled.

02:51:11.000 They need to be labeled.

02:51:12.000 We've talked about this before.

02:51:13.000 You can't just not label them.

02:51:15.000 That's just crazy.

02:51:16.000 What should happen is when I label it at the end of every podcast, it should save the label, but for some reason it doesn't.

02:51:23.000 Yeah, there is a glitch, but we still have to label them.

02:51:26.000 Anyway. 1.00

02:51:26.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:51:27.000 Get it together, cocksuckers. 1.00

02:51:28.000 Get it together, cocksuckers. 1.00

02:51:29.000 No, Brian, this is the Ustream. 0.97

02:51:32.000 Just say, just watch the Ustream.

02:51:33.000 You said that. 1.00

02:51:34.000 Yeah, you fucked up, pal. 0.99

02:51:35.000 If there's any reason to watch it on Ustream, there's no reason to watch it on Ustream when it's on Twitter. 1.00

02:51:41.000 Brian, if they want to watch it on Ustream, they should be able to watch it on Ustream.

02:51:45.000 It's on Ustream.

02:51:46.000 It needs to be labeled.

02:51:47.000 Anywhere it is, it needs to be labeled.

02:51:49.000 You can't just watch it and find out who the guest is. 0.95

02:51:52.000 That's silly.

02:51:52.000 We need to label it.

02:51:54.000 I think everybody on Twitter would agree.

02:51:57.000 I think the majority of people are probably watching it on YouTube or Vimeo.

02:52:00.000 No, they're watching it right now on Ustream, and they might go back to it and watch it again.

02:52:04.000 Thousands of people do. 0.93

02:52:05.000 This is a silly conversation, Brian.

02:52:07.000 Yeah, I asked you to do it, and you didn't do it. 0.86

02:52:09.000 That's all it is.

02:52:10.000 Now you told me to start doing it, and I have been doing it the whole time.

02:52:13.000 I said we have to go back and relabel them, too, Brian.

02:52:15.000 Yeah, that's insane how long that will take.

02:52:19.000 Oh my god, that's a job, Brian.

02:52:20.000 That's what part of having a job is.

02:52:22.000 Don't forget to come to the Ice House.

02:52:23.000 You're not even doing those videos anymore.

02:52:25.000 You told me to stop recording so we have time, right?

02:52:28.000 To give you more time. 1.00

02:52:30.000 To give you more time for shit. 1.00

02:52:31.000 To give you more time for other shit that you need to do. 1.00

02:52:35.000 I'll hire somebody to do that. 0.98

02:52:37.000 I'll pay him 20 bucks to do it.

02:52:39.000 Okay, good.

02:52:39.000 And Brendan Walsh, we're doing a tremendous show.

02:52:41.000 Make sure you go. 0.92

02:52:42.000 You know this is a silly conversation, right?

02:52:44.000 Thank you very much.

02:52:44.000 A lot of people have to do things in their job they don't want to do.

02:52:46.000 I know, but what I'm saying is, if you go to JoeRogan.net, where everyone goes to watch an old episode of...

02:52:52.000 Brian, I know your point.

02:52:52.000 I know your point, but the bottom line is, it's on the internet, on Ustream.

02:52:57.000 This is the channel where people watch the show live when they want to watch the show live, and none of those things are labeled.

02:53:03.000 Right.

02:53:03.000 But what I'm saying is, if you're going, hey, I want to watch Joe Rogan and Joey Diaz right now, I'm going to go to Joe Rogan's website.

02:53:09.000 Oh, there it is.

02:53:10.000 Oh, cool.

02:53:12.000 I'm going to go to ustream.tv backslash Joe Rogan.

02:53:16.000 Yes, they would, because that's where they watch it live.

02:53:18.000 You don't think they bookmark that?

02:53:19.000 They watch it live all the time. 0.94

02:53:20.000 I know it sucks, and I know I'll have somebody do it, but I'm just saying, it's really ridiculous to watch it on an inferior... 0.72

02:53:30.000 The version on Vimeo? 0.94

02:53:33.000 Beautiful.

02:53:33.000 The version on YouTube?

02:53:35.000 Beautiful.

02:53:35.000 Both of those are easily on your phones, on your DVD players, on your TVs.

02:53:40.000 I totally understand that.

02:53:42.000 I totally understand that.

02:53:43.000 However, it is there, and people do watch it, so it needs to be labeled.

02:53:46.000 There's one guy somewhere in Iowa.

02:53:48.000 There's a lot of people, dude.

02:53:49.000 There's thousands of views on all these videos.

02:53:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:53:50.000 All that shit counts. 0.99

02:53:52.000 That's right now. 1.00

02:53:52.000 Okay. 1.00

02:53:54.000 That, maybe, and a little bit in the future.

02:53:55.000 But they need to know what they're watching.

02:53:57.000 It's not that big a deal, man.

02:53:58.000 It's not.

02:53:59.000 You're not working in Malaysia. 1.00

02:54:00.000 I know. 1.00

02:54:01.000 Fucking farming yaks. 1.00

02:54:03.000 Right, Joe Diaz? 1.00

02:54:04.000 Talk to this kid.

02:54:04.000 Tell him.

02:54:05.000 Straighten him out.

02:54:05.000 Bro, he's a good man.

02:54:06.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:54:06.000 I don't understand what's going on.

02:54:07.000 and all I know is tomorrow night, Friday night, Paramount Theater, 8 o'clock, Brendan Walsh, Joe Rogan taking off the fucking hooks, Joey Diaz, Ready to Rock, Stone to the Gills, and then we're at the Mandalay Bay Event Center, the whole fucking Dead Squad crew, the Flying Jew, Duncan Trussell, Joey Diaz, and my man, the fucking Duncan Trussell, Joey Diaz, and my man, the fucking headliner, Joe Rogan, where else we going, Doug? 0.96

02:54:28.000 The Mandalay Bay one's going to be big. 0.96

02:54:31.000 We're doing the weigh-ins.

02:54:33.000 Ladies and gentlemen, where the weigh-ins are for the UFC, it seats like, I think it's like 3,000 people.

02:54:39.000 That's what we're doing.

02:54:40.000 We're doing, when they block it off for the weigh-ins, that's the area we're going to do comedy at.

02:54:44.000 And it was the idea of Mandalay Bay, because we used to do that theater that they had, what was the show?

02:54:49.000 The Lion King.

02:54:51.000 And they changed that.

02:54:53.000 They're doing a new Michael Jackson-type thing, and they're building it up right now.

02:54:57.000 So that thing is closed, so it was their idea to do that.

02:55:00.000 So this is the first time we're ever doing this.

02:55:02.000 We're going to do the Mandalay Bay Theater.

02:55:05.000 And that's August 31st.

02:55:06.000 And again, that's Ari Shafir, Joe Diaz, Duncan Trussell, and me. 0.98

02:55:11.000 So it's going to be fun as fuck. 0.99

02:55:11.000 And if you're not doing nothing next Wednesday, you're in Nashville, Chattanooga, fucking Atlanta, fucking Michigan, Mississippi. 0.99

02:55:17.000 I'll tell you what. 0.99

02:55:18.000 I'm coming to Nashville.

02:55:20.000 Zaney's Wednesday, 8 o'clock, 615-269-0221. 1.00

02:55:25.000 Get your fucking tickets now. 0.99

02:55:26.000 There's a couple of them left here. 1.00

02:55:28.000 We need to do pay-per-view Joey Diaz storytelling shows.

02:55:32.000 Those shows that you're doing?

02:55:33.000 That's a good idea. 1.00

02:55:34.000 Put that shit up. 1.00

02:55:35.000 Put that shit up. 1.00

02:55:36.000 Well, you know, it was like number 29 today on iTunes. 0.99

02:55:38.000 How many of those have you done so far?

02:55:40.000 I got five of them.

02:55:41.000 The one that we just taped, I got a problem with.

02:55:43.000 The one before wasn't that good, so we scrapped it.

02:55:45.000 And their audios?

02:55:46.000 And their audios, yeah.

02:55:47.000 I'm putting them up on iTunes. 0.97

02:55:48.000 Those are fucking great. 0.97

02:55:49.000 That's beautiful. 1.00

02:55:50.000 Testicle testaments. 1.00

02:55:51.000 What do I give a fuck? 1.00

02:55:52.000 Beautiful. 1.00

02:55:53.000 Beautiful.

02:55:53.000 I just want people to get this.

02:55:54.000 This one's good.

02:55:55.000 It's a kidnapping story.

02:55:56.000 So the first one, I hit you hard. 1.00

02:55:58.000 I don't fuck around. 1.00

02:55:59.000 Okay, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99

02:56:00.000 So it's 10 to 7 right now on the West Coast.

02:56:03.000 And at 10 o'clock, so three hours from now, we will have the Ice House Chronicles.

02:56:08.000 And you can watch it live on this Ustream channel that Brian thinks that nobody goes to.

02:56:11.000 No, they watch it live.

02:56:13.000 Ustream's awesome for live broadcasting.

02:56:15.000 I know. 0.99

02:56:15.000 I'm fucking around, dude. 0.99

02:56:16.000 I love you guys. 0.98

02:56:17.000 We love all you guys.

02:56:19.000 Thank you very much for all the positive Twitter messages and all the positive Facebook messages. 0.98

02:56:24.000 You guys are cool as fuck. 0.65

02:56:25.000 I made a commitment to start using Facebook again. 0.99

02:56:27.000 I'm going to write longer blog posts and shit and just put them up there. 1.00

02:56:30.000 You guys are the shit. 1.00

02:56:31.000 We have the coolest crowds in the world that come to these shows and don't think we don't appreciate it because we talk about it all the time. 1.00

02:56:37.000 Brian talks about it all the time.

02:56:38.000 I do.

02:56:39.000 We get on the phone after shows sometimes and we can't believe it.

02:56:42.000 We're the luckiest people alive. 0.99

02:56:43.000 In the fucking world. 0.99

02:56:44.000 And we appreciate you guys and we support you guys 100%. 0.99

02:56:47.000 The reason why we're doing this is because we love to do it and we love it because you guys love it.

02:56:51.000 It all feeds itself and it all marches on the beautiful life that we live.

02:56:57.000 Use the mind, ladies and gentlemen.

02:56:59.000 Find the direct path.

02:57:02.000 Thanks to Onnit.com.

02:57:03.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself off 10%.

02:57:08.000 Save yourself off?

02:57:09.000 10% off Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune. 0.99

02:57:12.000 Shroom Tech Sport is this shit if you work out hard. 0.99

02:57:15.000 Take it, son. 1.00

02:57:15.000 It's about quarter-sips mushrooms and B12. Take a B12 supplement if you're a vegan. 1.00

02:57:20.000 Otherwise, it makes your brain shrink.

02:57:21.000 Anyway, that's it.

02:57:23.000 That's it for this week.

02:57:24.000 We'll see you guys soon.

02:57:25.000 We love you guys.

02:57:26.000 Next week, we've got a whole lot of people.

02:57:27.000 I'm not sure if Dice Clay's still doing it, but I believe Jamie Kilstein's coming in. 0.99

02:57:31.000 We've got a lot of shit happening, folks. 0.65

02:57:32.000 We'll see you soon. 0.92

02:57:33.000 We love you guys.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 08, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #250 - Joey "CoCo" Diaz

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript