The Joe Rogan Experience - August 13, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #251 - Bryan Callen

Topics
alpha brain nootropics mad cow disease and animal cannibalism guns and control marijuana laws comedy brotherhood TSA professionalism and politics war and military intervention in Iraq dating advice Going for what you want stand-up comedy American Comedy Company Wendy Donald Cerrone Alienware MMA computers
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Bryan Callen
Mentioned
Brian Callen Joey Diaz Donald Cerrone Tom Cruise Obama Anderson Silva Drunk Arnold Jamie Kilstein Bert Kreischer Anthony Cumia Jesus Christ Gene Simmons Will Sasso Alex Jones Dos Santos Saddam Steven Pressfield Robin Williams Nate Marquardt Brian Redband and 71 more
Joe Rogan Experience #250 - Joey "CoCo" Diaz Joe Rogan Experience #252 - Jamie Kilstein

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 53 minutes

Words per minute

205.85

Word count

23,326

Sentence count

2,416

Harmful content

Misogyny

50

sentences flagged

Toxicity

686

sentences flagged

Hate speech

36

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

On this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, the boys are on the air, and it's a doosey one. Joe and Brian are trying to figure out how to record a podcast, and they need help with it, but they can't seem to figure it out. They also talk about the new hemp protein powder, and how to get into jiu jitsu, and Brian talks about the worst workout he's ever done. Joe also talks about how much he loves battle ropes, and why they are the most manly things you can do in the gym. Also, we talk about how you can get in better shape with kettlebells, and what you should be doing to keep them in good shape for a long, long time. Joe also gives us some tips and tricks on how to stay in shape and stay in jiujitsu shape, and we talk a little bit about how to keep your ass in shape in general. Enjoy! -Joe Rogan and Brian Rogan Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Art by Cody Johnston. If you like what you hear on the pod, please leave us a review on Apple Podcast or wherever else you re listening. We re listening to the pod. Thank you so much for listening and supporting the pod... we really appreciate it. -The Joe Rogans Experience Podcast. XOXO -Jon & Brian Rogans Podcast and the crew at Onnit nk Thanks for listening, Jon Rogan & the support we get from you. Jon Rogans and the support us. Brian and Christina Pazitzky . Jon and the boys at On Nit nk and the rest of the podcast and the guys at Onnite. -- Thank you for all the support and love you all for all your support and all the love and support we ve gotten so far this past week, we appreciate you all so much, thank you for making this podcast. Thank you, Jon and all of the support, Jon & Brian and the work you do so much love you back and support us back and love ya back and back and more! - Thank you Jon and Back and back again for all of your support, bye. and much more. Love ya back, bye Jon and back, see you soon, bye!

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 This should be actually happening.
00:00:12.000 It says live and recording. 1.00
00:00:13.000 But I'm a fucking idiot. 1.00
00:00:16.000 So I don't know if that's true. 1.00
00:00:19.000 If this is all bad, ladies and gentlemen.
00:00:21.000 I did not plan this out this well.
00:00:23.000 And I'm trying to do this myself.
00:00:25.000 Just me and my man Brian. 0.96
00:00:27.000 But I really need my little buddy Red Band to help me out with the technical shit. 0.99
00:00:32.000 Because I don't know what the fuck is going on. 0.87
00:00:33.000 So I gotta go online to see if it is actually online. 1.00
00:00:37.000 No, I don't want to go social with your fucking Facebook. 0.99
00:00:41.000 It seems like it's on. 0.99
00:00:43.000 We're on, we're live?
00:00:44.000 Yes!
00:00:45.000 Fantastic.
00:00:46.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. 0.99
00:00:50.000 Onnit.com has a bunch of new shit in it. 0.98
00:00:53.000 First of all, the hemp protein powder, which is sensational. 0.99
00:00:57.000 Very delicious.
00:00:59.000 I use it.
00:00:59.000 Do you use it?
00:01:00.000 Yep. 1.00
00:01:00.000 The hemp protein is the shit. 1.00
00:01:01.000 I've got to give you some of this hemp force stuff. 1.00
00:01:03.000 It's sweetened with stevia.
00:01:05.000 Oh, really?
00:01:05.000 And, yeah, it's got raw cocoa in it.
00:01:07.000 I'm not a good spokesman for protein powder.
00:01:09.000 That's not like, look at Brian Callen.
00:01:11.000 He took a shot.
00:01:11.000 Dude, what do you do?
00:01:12.000 Do you dance?
00:01:14.000 Do you dance in the rain?
00:01:15.000 He's got a dancer's physique.
00:01:16.000 If you want a dancer's physique, try hemp protein powder. 1.00
00:01:19.000 Brian Callen.
00:01:20.000 He's a dancer in the rain.
00:01:24.000 That's the commercial for hemp protein powder, me dancing in the rain.
00:01:28.000 Because I look good wet when rain pitter-patters off my body.
00:01:31.000 Have you ever tried battle ropes?
00:01:34.000 You mean the ropes?
00:01:36.000 I have some at my house.
00:01:39.000 You call them battle ropes.
00:01:40.000 I call them muscle ropes, dude. 1.00
00:01:42.000 Dude, they're the shit. 1.00
00:01:43.000 That's the new thing. 1.00
00:01:44.000 We just started selling them at Onnit.
00:01:47.000 That's one of the other items. 0.96
00:01:49.000 People are like, it's so fucking expensive for a rope. 0.83
00:01:51.000 I'm telling you, it's not. 0.96
00:01:53.000 It's as cheap as you can buy.
00:01:54.000 You cannot buy battle ropes online cheaper than the ones we're selling. 0.99
00:01:58.000 Ropes are fucking expensive. 0.97
00:01:59.000 When you're getting 40 feet of giant, thick-ass rope, it's not cheap. 0.99
00:02:04.000 And it comes out to be like $100 or something like that.
00:02:07.000 The same thing as kettlebells.
00:02:08.000 The kettlebells that we're selling, they're not cheap.
00:02:10.000 But here's the deal. 0.99
00:02:12.000 First of all, they fucking will last you forever. 0.99
00:02:15.000 You don't ever need other gym equipment. 1.00
00:02:17.000 You need a chin-up bar and some fucking kettlebells. 0.99
00:02:19.000 If you want to be in some badass shape, those kettlebells will last you for a lifetime. 0.99
00:02:24.000 For a lifetime, you will be able to have...
00:02:26.000 There's so many different exercises you can do with kettlebells. 0.74
00:02:28.000 Just looking off of YouTube, there's fucking hundreds of different things you can do. 1.00
00:02:33.000 These cannonballs with handles on them are the shit. 1.00
00:02:37.000 They're fucking the most manly shit ever for working out. 1.00
00:02:40.000 You feel like you're some crazy Russian dude. 1.00
00:02:43.000 The worst workout I ever did was I had to push a weighted sled, then do the battle ropes. 0.98
00:02:49.000 I call them muscle ropes, and then do kettlebells.
00:02:52.000 Wrestling, all of it, I've never in my life, jiu-jitsu, I've never, ever wanted to die.
00:02:57.000 By the way, it was a six-and-a-half-minute workout.
00:03:00.000 Oh, here comes Brian.
00:03:02.000 He must know we're online now.
00:03:03.000 Six-and-a-half-minute workout.
00:03:04.000 Let's do this online with him.
00:03:07.000 Hey, little fella. 1.00
00:03:11.000 Oops.
00:03:12.000 There we go.
00:03:13.000 Hey, little fella. 1.00
00:03:15.000 We're on the air right now.
00:03:17.000 What, are you sleeping?
00:03:20.000 How dare you?
00:03:22.000 I'm in a panic because I can't get...
00:03:24.000 I guess it doesn't matter, but I can't get that dissolve thing to work where you can't see the text at the bottom of the screen.
00:03:34.000 Yeah, you know how you can make the text fade out?
00:03:36.000 How do I do that?
00:03:37.000 Should I sing background music while you do the technical stuff?
00:03:42.000 Okay.
00:03:44.000 Right click on the scene that you're on.
00:03:46.000 Okay.
00:03:49.000 Edit shot.
00:03:55.000 It's a really nice contrast.
00:04:00.000 Hit an X on it.
00:04:04.000 See, I don't see that.
00:04:06.000 That's where it's confusing.
00:04:10.000 No, it's just you.
00:04:12.000 I was trying to put Brian's name up because it's your name on it.
00:04:19.000 Oh.
00:04:20.000 So what should I do?
00:04:25.000 The last one is Christina Pazitzky and it's got like names on it.
00:04:30.000 Oh, the last scene on the far right.
00:04:32.000 Yeah, that one's just me now.
00:04:34.000 ...from Brian to me.
00:04:42.000 I'll be sexy.
00:04:44.000 ...with what I'm on.
00:04:50.000 Thank you for bearing with us in this technical break, ladies and gentlemen.
00:04:53.000 I'm going to keep singing a song about Joe Rogan.
00:04:55.000 Oh, okay.
00:04:57.000 Well, we'll have to deal with this.
00:04:59.000 the text, there's no way to get rid of that text on the screen.
00:05:03.000 See, I don't see that, though.
00:05:18.000 When I'm trying to do that, it's not letting me do that. 0.99
00:05:25.000 Ladies and gentlemen at home, this is boring as fuck, I'm sure. 0.97
00:05:29.000 Yeah, it shows logic camera, logic camera, built-in eyesight. 0.99
00:05:34.000 Those are the options.
00:05:35.000 I'm singing background music, dude.
00:05:37.000 Built-in input.
00:05:39.000 There shouldn't be anything on it?
00:05:41.000 He should have been a gymnast.
00:05:42.000 He should have been a gymnast. 0.99
00:05:43.000 I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, dude. 0.99
00:05:45.000 We're going to have to have you get in there. 0.99
00:05:47.000 This is a good job security for you. 0.99
00:05:51.000 The whole show goes to shit without Redman. 0.99
00:05:55.000 Okay. 1.00
00:05:57.000 Alright, well now for some reason it says Eddie Bravo.
00:06:00.000 I must have changed it.
00:06:01.000 I don't mind being Eddie Bravo.
00:06:02.000 Okay, this is Eddie Bravo now.
00:06:04.000 Well, we're just giving plugs to our friends.
00:06:06.000 There it is.
00:06:09.000 I'll be at the American Comedy Club in San Diego this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, everybody.
00:06:16.000 I'll be at the American Comedy Club in San Diego this Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
00:06:19.000 Yeah, I should turn on my volume.
00:06:20.000 Are you talking, Brian?
00:06:22.000 I'm just giving...
00:06:23.000 I'm talking to Brian Callen.
00:06:25.000 He's talking on the podcast at the same time.
00:06:27.000 I'm singing songs about you.
00:06:28.000 His name is Joe Rogan.
00:06:30.000 He's got a wide back.
00:06:31.000 We're just trying to see if this thing is actually online.
00:06:33.000 He's got long eyelashes.
00:06:37.000 And he's really flexible.
00:06:39.000 He can do impressions.
00:06:40.000 Nobody knows that.
00:06:42.000 Here's Joe Rogan.
00:06:44.000 He's really muscular.
00:06:46.000 Got a wide face.
00:06:48.000 A wide face and a short neck. 1.00
00:06:49.000 Which means he can take a punch to his fucking nose better than you can. 1.00
00:06:55.000 His name is Joe Rogan. 1.00
00:06:58.000 Joe Rogan.
00:07:01.000 John Rogan.
00:07:02.000 I'm trying to come up with other words.
00:07:04.000 Oh yeah, okay.
00:07:04.000 It's working.
00:07:06.000 It's working.
00:07:06.000 Alright, buddy.
00:07:07.000 I'll see you tomorrow.
00:07:08.000 Jamie Kilstein.
00:07:09.000 Later.
00:07:10.000 Bye.
00:07:11.000 Can I plug my gig this weekend? 0.98
00:07:13.000 Oh, dude, we're going to plug the shit out of your gig this weekend.
00:07:15.000 Let's not do it here, because this is only the commercials. 0.96
00:07:18.000 Let's do it when we get to the podcast.
00:07:19.000 Keep going. 1.00
00:07:20.000 We're going to plug the fuck out of you, son. 1.00
00:07:21.000 I like it. 0.99
00:07:22.000 Ladies and gentlemen, the Joe Rogan Podcast.
00:07:24.000 What is it called?
00:07:25.000 The Experience?
00:07:26.000 Something like that? 0.99
00:07:27.000 I don't know what the fuck this is. 0.99
00:07:29.000 The Joe Rogan Experience. 0.99
00:07:29.000 Why label it? 0.99
00:07:30.000 Do I have to label?
00:07:31.000 Maybe I'm going to not label them anymore.
00:07:33.000 I'm going to stop calling it the Joe Rogan Experience.
00:07:35.000 I want to call my podcast the Man Thoughts.
00:07:37.000 The problem is if you don't label it, you can't sell t-shirts.
00:07:40.000 That's right.
00:07:41.000 Well, you got to make your bumper stick money, dog.
00:07:43.000 You ain't got no label, dog.
00:07:45.000 Don't take Man Thoughts.
00:07:46.000 That's mine.
00:07:46.000 I got Man Thoughts by Brian Callen.
00:07:48.000 I like it.
00:07:48.000 It's sexy.
00:07:49.000 It sounds powerful.
00:07:50.000 I'm going from Brian Callen's show to Man Thoughts. 0.99
00:07:52.000 And you should be you doing fucking battle ropes. 0.98
00:07:54.000 That should be like your avatar. 0.99
00:07:56.000 Exactly.
00:07:56.000 Just you with battle ropes.
00:07:58.000 Dude, look at that guy.
00:07:59.000 Swinging him around.
00:07:59.000 Look at Brian Kellen.
00:08:00.000 Does he play golf or what? 1.00
00:08:01.000 Fucking Conan the Barbarian. 1.00
00:08:03.000 People are calling you dehydrated Joe Rogan because we pranked the crowd. 0.99
00:08:07.000 I think it's Will Sasso.
00:08:08.000 Will Sasso.
00:08:09.000 Will Sasso on the 10-Minute Podcast.
00:08:12.000 That's my podcast, by the way.
00:08:13.000 He goes, you're like Joe Rogan before you add the water.
00:08:18.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:08:20.000 We fucked around with the crowd. 0.98
00:08:22.000 You could watch the video of it. 0.97
00:08:23.000 I actually put the video of it on YouTube.
00:08:25.000 Oh yeah, it was great.
00:08:26.000 Yeah, I'll talk about that when we're done with this commercial.
00:08:29.000 Anyway, go to Onnit.com, check out the kettlebells, check out the battle ropes, the new hemp protein pouty.
00:08:36.000 What is that?
00:08:37.000 What kind of a spokesman am I? Jesus Christ!
00:08:40.000 I haven't had my alpha brain, ladies and gentlemen.
00:08:42.000 I haven't.
00:08:42.000 I'm going to have some right now.
00:08:44.000 I take them right before I do the show.
00:08:46.000 I don't even know if it helps.
00:08:47.000 Well, you know what?
00:08:48.000 At least you do your own products.
00:08:50.000 You use kettlebells, muscle ropes, and you take your own products.
00:08:53.000 Here, here.
00:08:56.000 There they are, ladies and gentlemen.
00:08:57.000 Dude, I take it because it's awesome.
00:09:00.000 If they were on my own product, I'd still take it.
00:09:02.000 I'm addicted to it.
00:09:03.000 So is Lorenzo Fertitta, the owner of the UFC. He's addicted to this shit. 1.00
00:09:07.000 Every time he sees me, he goes, dude, this fucking alpha brain's incredible. 1.00
00:09:10.000 Because when you fly around a lot, one of the things that happens, I'm taking them. 0.99
00:09:16.000 How many did you take, for God's sake?
00:09:18.000 Four.
00:09:19.000 I'm a savage. 1.00
00:09:20.000 You're an extremist. 0.99
00:09:21.000 I am a little bit.
00:09:22.000 Right?
00:09:22.000 I might be a little crazy.
00:09:23.000 You're my canary in the coal mine, dude.
00:09:25.000 Everything you do, I'm always like, is it safe?
00:09:27.000 Is it safe?
00:09:29.000 Podcast?
00:09:29.000 Is it safe?
00:09:30.000 Alright, I'll do it now.
00:09:31.000 Stand up?
00:09:32.000 I guess I'll do it again.
00:09:34.000 We'll talk about this later. 0.99
00:09:35.000 This is a fucking commercial, Brian Callen. 0.99
00:09:38.000 It's for goddamnonit.com. 1.00
00:09:40.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. And what is alpha brain that I just took?
00:09:44.000 It's a combinatory sort of a supplement.
00:09:48.000 It's all a bunch of different nootropics.
00:09:50.000 And what nootropics are is nutrients that have been shown to have a positive effect on brain function.
00:09:55.000 And you can go to Onnit.com and there is a plethora of information on this subject.
00:10:01.000 And look at Google, too, because it's a controversial subject.
00:10:04.000 And, you know, some people are not into it.
00:10:06.000 And, you know, they don't want to believe that supplements can help them.
00:10:09.000 And that's fine.
00:10:10.000 I am not pushing it on anybody that's not interested.
00:10:13.000 But if you're a person that does supplement your vitamins and you're a person like me who absolutely knows that it affects your health, it does.
00:10:21.000 I sometimes don't get enough nutrients from my food.
00:10:25.000 In a perfect world, we would all be eating mineral-rich vegetables, and we would all be getting the perfect amount of water, and we would all be having the best food ever and grass-fed diet, but the reality is it doesn't always fucking work out that way, and a lot of things get affected by not supplementing.
00:10:42.000 I think it has most certainly enhanced my health.
00:10:47.000 And the supplements that I've been most interested in are nootropics.
00:10:51.000 And this, along with Neuro-1, which is Bill Romanowski's formula, that was the one I first discovered.
00:10:57.000 Bill Romanoski, a great middle linebacker.
00:10:59.000 He had problems with concussions.
00:11:00.000 Yes, he did.
00:11:01.000 And he developed this series of supplements to aid himself.
00:11:06.000 It was his idea to aid himself. 0.99
00:11:08.000 And I took a shit because No Name, who's a radio DJ in San Francisco a few years back, he was raving about this guy. 0.99
00:11:15.000 The formula was pretty interesting. 0.99
00:11:17.000 He has a little caffeine in it, I believe, which I didn't want in AlphaBrain.
00:11:22.000 I think caffeine is something that's kind of tricky.
00:11:25.000 It absolutely can help your brain function, but I don't think it should be in anything unless it's obvious.
00:11:29.000 You know what I mean?
00:11:30.000 Like caffeine, I think, should be in coffee.
00:11:32.000 Caffeine should be in energy drinks.
00:11:33.000 Because you can take something with a lot of caffeine and feel like, wow, this is what's working. 1.00
00:11:36.000 Well, you fuck up and you don't read the label and you take it while you're taking coffee and you have a goddamn heart attack. 0.99
00:11:40.000 That was what ephedrine did. 1.00
00:11:42.000 Yeah, right?
00:11:43.000 A lot of those people that are running those diet pills.
00:11:46.000 All this stuff that we're talking about here, folks, is all vitamins.
00:11:50.000 It's nothing that you have to worry about.
00:11:51.000 It's nothing that's dangerous.
00:11:52.000 And the thing with Honor is we want to make sure that nobody ever feels ripped off.
00:11:56.000 So your first 30 pills, it's 100% money-back guarantee.
00:11:59.000 You don't even have to return the product.
00:12:01.000 That's how confident, one, we are of the product and we know that you're going to enjoy it.
00:12:04.000 And two, the ethics of this company is nobody wants anybody to feel ripped off.
00:12:10.000 We want to sell you. 1.00
00:12:12.000 The best shit that we can find. 1.00
00:12:14.000 The best supplements as far as health and athletic performance and the best nutrients we can find. 0.99
00:12:21.000 The best lifting equipment that we can find.
00:12:23.000 We use Troy Kettlebells.
00:12:24.000 They're the best in the world.
00:12:25.000 They're perfect.
00:12:26.000 You can't get anything better.
00:12:28.000 They're the highest quality available. 0.99
00:12:29.000 They will fucking last through the apocalypse. 1.00
00:12:31.000 You buy those bitches, you're done. 1.00
00:12:33.000 You're done. 1.00
00:12:34.000 You have them forever.
00:12:35.000 They will never wear out. 1.00
00:12:36.000 They're cast iron fucking cannonballs. 0.99
00:12:39.000 They're awesome. 0.98
00:12:40.000 So, this stuff is not cheap, but we're selling it at the most reasonable rate that we can, and we're trying to provide everybody with the best possible products that we can.
00:12:51.000 That's the ethics of Onnit, and that's what we're all about.
00:12:54.000 And if you use the code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off all supplements. 0.97
00:12:58.000 All right, you dirty freaks. 0.91
00:12:59.000 Brian Callens here, and I don't I don't know how to turn the music on. 0.98
00:13:06.000 It's the podcast.
00:13:07.000 Just think of like heavy guitars and wind blowing my hair back. 1.00
00:13:10.000 It's the fucking podcast. 0.99
00:13:12.000 Yeah, it's the Brian Callens on the podcast with Joe Rogan. 1.00
00:13:15.000 That was a very interesting dance right there.
00:13:17.000 Yeah, I'm bringing it back. 0.96
00:13:19.000 It was like a gay Kenyan dance. 1.00
00:13:20.000 I'm bringing back some shit from the 70s, some acid. 0.99
00:13:23.000 Do you know that if you cook in cast iron, it's an excellent way of getting iron in your diet, which I didn't know? 0.98
00:13:29.000 Yes, yes.
00:13:30.000 They say steaks in cast iron.
00:13:32.000 You sear a steak in cast iron.
00:13:33.000 But then you can get too much ferrous oxide in your diet, and you have to be careful.
00:13:37.000 So Tim Ferriss says in his book that a lot of these guys will actually take a day and eat no iron.
00:13:43.000 Really?
00:13:44.000 Yes, to bring their iron levels down.
00:13:45.000 So there it is.
00:13:47.000 Wow.
00:13:47.000 Ferris is fascinating.
00:13:49.000 We've been going back and forth.
00:13:50.000 He's going to come back on the podcast again.
00:13:52.000 I need him on my podcast.
00:13:52.000 Well, let's do it.
00:13:53.000 Let's hook it up.
00:13:54.000 He's a great guy.
00:13:55.000 I've got to get him on because I had a conversation with him after I read his book and I loved him and he just knows so much.
00:13:59.000 Yeah, he's apparently got a lot of stuff cooking and he's in the middle of writing a book as well.
00:14:04.000 Man, I love talking to him.
00:14:06.000 I just love talking to dudes that are just filled with information.
00:14:10.000 Like Rob Wolf, the Paleo Solution author.
00:14:14.000 What was that like? 0.98
00:14:14.000 Fucking great. 0.98
00:14:16.000 You know, because I'm reading... 0.98
00:14:17.000 The guy's filled with information.
00:14:18.000 It's controversial.
00:14:20.000 Well, but I just read the China study.
00:14:23.000 I talked to you about it, which is about...
00:14:25.000 He's a very, very credible science, and he looks at a lot of science.
00:14:27.000 It says a plant-based whole food diet is the best way to go.
00:14:31.000 The problem is that I think, like we talked about, if you're doing sports and lifting, personally, I went about a week eating just a whole food plant-based diet.
00:14:42.000 I ate a steak the other day.
00:14:43.000 I woofed it down.
00:14:45.000 I inhaled it.
00:14:46.000 It was literally like...
00:14:47.000 I've never felt better, man.
00:14:51.000 I just need some meat sometimes.
00:14:52.000 I don't think that you can have the same diet for every person.
00:14:56.000 I don't think everybody needs a steak.
00:14:59.000 There's a lot of chicks out there that don't need a steak. 1.00
00:15:01.000 They really don't.
00:15:02.000 There's a lot of dudes that don't need a steak.
00:15:04.000 Jamie Kilstein's coming on the podcast tomorrow.
00:15:06.000 He's a vegan.
00:15:07.000 He's healthy.
00:15:07.000 He's happy.
00:15:08.000 And he loves it.
00:15:09.000 He's real fitness. 0.99
00:15:10.000 He's always constantly doing martial arts, jujitsu and shit. 0.99
00:15:13.000 And he's a vegan. 0.99
00:15:14.000 He weighs eight pounds, but he's a vegan.
00:15:16.000 I'm not kidding.
00:15:17.000 He weighs eight pounds.
00:15:18.000 Well, I always look at it.
00:15:18.000 I always look at it.
00:15:19.000 You can't find too many Olympic athletes who are vegans.
00:15:22.000 No.
00:15:22.000 Well, Mac Danzig, who's also going to do the podcast.
00:15:25.000 We're going back and forth.
00:15:26.000 I love that dude.
00:15:27.000 He's a really, really interesting guy.
00:15:29.000 Who is he?
00:15:29.000 He's a UFC fighter who's a vegan.
00:15:30.000 He's also a photographer.
00:15:32.000 And, you know, he works.
00:15:34.000 His reasons are that he loves animals.
00:15:36.000 Yeah, I respect that.
00:15:38.000 And I respect that as well.
00:15:39.000 Look, I love animals too.
00:15:40.000 There's a cycle of life.
00:15:42.000 And I think factory farming is horrific, but I think wild game.
00:15:45.000 I think that's where it's at. 0.99
00:15:47.000 I think in a perfect world, we would buy meat from hunters and that would be a new fucking industry. 0.98
00:15:52.000 We'd have to make sure that people weren't poaching. 0.98
00:15:54.000 Buy meat from hunters. 0.99
00:15:55.000 I think you should be able to hunt a lot of them because deer are fucking everywhere. 0.99
00:16:00.000 The idea that there's a... 0.99
00:16:01.000 They're glorified cows, dude.
00:16:02.000 And we can grow more of them, too, by the way.
00:16:04.000 We can grow more of them.
00:16:06.000 But my point is, when they're wild and they're running around and then you just hunt them and kill them, I think, first of all, the whole thing is way more humane because they lived the real life.
00:16:16.000 They lived a real life.
00:16:18.000 The deers never lived a better life.
00:16:20.000 They have one life.
00:16:21.000 Forage for food, stay alive.
00:16:23.000 If you do that, you've won.
00:16:24.000 They're also, by the way, they are food in the wild.
00:16:26.000 Of course!
00:16:27.000 That's why they're there!
00:16:29.000 Joseph Campbell always said that one of the problems with the original peoples and their mythology was that they would look around at nature and realize that life ate life.
00:16:39.000 And if you look at a lot of, whether it's Native Americans or whatever, the traditions of killing animals, they were always fairly, most cultures were always very uneasy with killing an animal. 0.99
00:16:50.000 Which is why when you killed an animal, there was a ritual around that.
00:16:53.000 There was usually prayer said.
00:16:55.000 There were rituals.
00:16:55.000 Because human beings were like...
00:16:56.000 They felt a connection.
00:16:57.000 Yeah, were taken.
00:16:58.000 And when you actually have to kill something with a spear or a bow and arrow or a knife, and you feel its heartbeat and you smell that animal, that's very intimate.
00:17:06.000 It's physically intimate.
00:17:08.000 And almost all...
00:17:11.000 Almost all Aboriginal cultures had, all that I can think of, had sort of a ritual around that.
00:17:19.000 They would say prayers, they'd do all kinds of things, because it makes sense.
00:17:23.000 What we've become is so removed from our food.
00:17:25.000 We're so removed with factory farming and things.
00:17:28.000 It feeds a lot of people, gets a lot of protein, and people don't go hungry anymore.
00:17:31.000 I always remind people 30 years ago, I mean half of India, A lot of China went through major famines, and certainly most of Africa, but now that's becoming more and more a relic of the past.
00:17:44.000 It's because we've become very efficient at getting food to a maximum number of people, but there's a huge disconnection.
00:17:51.000 So when you eat a pig, when you eat bacon that's been in a gestation crate and goes crazy because it's chewing on the bars, you're not really thinking about it, man.
00:18:00.000 I'm just hungry. 0.65
00:18:01.000 You're not thinking it's a pig.
00:18:02.000 You're thinking it's just a piece of ham.
00:18:03.000 We've actually given these really euphemistic names to meat. 1.00
00:18:07.000 Having said that, I eat crap. 0.98
00:18:09.000 Isn't that cute? 0.99
00:18:09.000 Yeah, it is. 0.99
00:18:11.000 We do that.
00:18:12.000 Beef, ham.
00:18:13.000 Yeah.
00:18:13.000 You don't think of it.
00:18:14.000 Veal.
00:18:15.000 Veal.
00:18:16.000 If you ever go to a farm, though, and you're playing around with the lambs and the goats and playing around with them, but you realize, oh, wow, man, that thing is a living, breathing creature that is reacting to me and reacting to its environment.
00:18:30.000 I've got to lock this door.
00:18:31.000 I forgot to lock this door.
00:18:32.000 Keep talking.
00:18:33.000 It's an interesting thing.
00:18:35.000 If you talk to farmers who are around animals, they're very tuned and keyed into animals and nature on a way that most of us are not.
00:18:46.000 They just have to be.
00:18:47.000 They're very aware of the cycles.
00:18:48.000 They're very aware of all the things.
00:18:49.000 You talk to dairy farmers, there was a mad cow scare and this woman was being interviewed because they had to kill all our cows.
00:18:55.000 In front of her.
00:18:57.000 And then they had to burn the cows. 0.94
00:18:58.000 That was a government policy in Britain at the time because these prions were very dangerous. 0.98
00:19:02.000 So they took out the whole herd.
00:19:04.000 And she was so devastated because she knew her cows.
00:19:10.000 Every one of her cows she knew had its own personality, had its own name, and she had her own relationship. 1.00
00:19:16.000 For me, I went, it's a fucking cow. 1.00
00:19:18.000 Really? 1.00
00:19:19.000 And it was devastating for her.
00:19:20.000 Well, she was going to butcher those cows, or were they dairy cows? 1.00
00:19:23.000 No, one of them had mad cow disease, and the law at the time, this is about 10 years ago, they had to put down the whole herd.
00:19:30.000 Right.
00:19:31.000 So, but was she raising these cows for butchering? 0.99
00:19:33.000 No, dairy.
00:19:34.000 They were dairy cows, and they were also, I believe some of them were for butchering as well, but this was a dairy farm for the most part. 0.78
00:19:41.000 So did they feed the cows fucked up things? 1.00
00:19:44.000 Did they feed them like cow meat? 0.85
00:19:47.000 Apparently, what happened with the development of these prions in the central nervous systems of cows...
00:19:54.000 I'm not a scientist, but from what I read, I remember you could eat... 0.90
00:19:58.000 If you had a cow that had mad cow disease, it wasn't eating the muscle meat that fucked you up. 0.94
00:20:02.000 It was when you ate the... 0.99
00:20:03.000 Brain tissue.
00:20:04.000 Yeah, the brain tissue, spinal cord.
00:20:05.000 And they would ground that up into hot dogs and things like that.
00:20:08.000 And you can take those prions, they're called prions, I think, and you can heat them up to 500 degrees and they still don't die.
00:20:15.000 Yeah.
00:20:15.000 And you can still get the mad cow disease.
00:20:17.000 So you can't, it's not the, you can't sterilize.
00:20:19.000 I think it's more than a thousand degrees.
00:20:21.000 It's crazy.
00:20:22.000 And so apparently that came from the fact that you had cows cannibalizing their own tissue because when you slaughter cows, there are certain parts, I guess, that you don't necessarily need.
00:20:33.000 You take 5% of that, you put it into the slop and they'll eat it.
00:20:36.000 They were doing that with chickens. 1.00
00:20:38.000 That's so fucked. 1.00
00:20:38.000 It's become illegal now. 1.00
00:20:39.000 But what's fucked up about it is if they could do it with pigs, that's okay. 0.99
00:20:43.000 Pigs actually are omnivores. 0.99
00:20:46.000 But you're doing it with cows, like you're just jacking his whole system.
00:20:50.000 But not just that.
00:20:50.000 The reason you don't want an animal cannibalizing itself is because it leads to these really weird pathogens.
00:20:57.000 Yeah, these prions, right?
00:20:59.000 It's why actually in the book of Leviticus...
00:21:00.000 Prions or prions?
00:21:01.000 I think it's called prions.
00:21:02.000 But the book of Leviticus you were talking about in your show...
00:21:05.000 Yeah.
00:21:06.000 The book of Leviticus is actually a book in the Old Testament that goes into really stark detail about what you can eat and what you can't.
00:21:14.000 And in the Old Testament, they always talk about the fact that you can't eat animals or prey.
00:21:19.000 So you can't eat a leopard or an osprey, an eagle, a hawk.
00:21:24.000 Why?
00:21:25.000 Because those animals eat other animal protein.
00:21:28.000 And you still don't find people eating leopard meat.
00:21:32.000 I think they eat mountain lions.
00:21:35.000 I think mountain lion steaks.
00:21:37.000 You can actually eat bear and stuff like that, but you wouldn't do it.
00:21:38.000 There's a reason we don't.
00:21:39.000 It's a rarity, and we say, I think they do, because for the most part, no culture has ever eaten the protein, except for fish.
00:21:46.000 But a lot of animals that eat other animals, apparently it's not healthy.
00:21:50.000 It kind of makes sense, if you think about it.
00:21:53.000 Yeah.
00:21:53.000 Well, it's also, they probably taste creepy.
00:21:56.000 Yeah, well, I've heard that when you eat bear meat, it's really oily and really, like, gamey and oily.
00:22:03.000 But bears are mostly herbivores, actually, unless you're talking about polar bears, which are complete meat eaters.
00:22:09.000 Yeah, we were actually just talking about this, about going hunting.
00:22:12.000 We were saying that I didn't want...
00:22:14.000 Steve Rinella asked me to go hunting with him to go bear hunting.
00:22:16.000 And I was like, I don't want to kill a bear, man.
00:22:18.000 I don't want to eat it.
00:22:20.000 If it's not something that I really want to eat...
00:22:22.000 I like venison. 0.93
00:22:23.000 I'll kill a deer.
00:22:23.000 I love venison.
00:22:24.000 I like ducks.
00:22:25.000 My mouth waters when I see it.
00:22:26.000 My dad and I went to Alaska to go hunt bear.
00:22:31.000 He goes, I want to hunt bear.
00:22:32.000 I go, I'm not hunting bear.
00:22:33.000 He goes, why not?
00:22:34.000 I go, well, because I don't want to kill a bear.
00:22:36.000 Oh, and by the way, either do you.
00:22:38.000 Somebody talked you into it?
00:22:39.000 He goes, well, I'm talking to a guy.
00:22:41.000 I go, well, what do you do?
00:22:42.000 He'd already bought a rifle.
00:22:43.000 That's how susceptible.
00:22:44.000 He's like, the guy was like, come bear.
00:22:46.000 I'll buy a rifle.
00:22:47.000 He bought like literally like a Like a $12,000 rifle, something crazy, with the scope and everything.
00:22:51.000 So we go there, and I go, I'll go to Alaska with you, but we'll go fishing.
00:22:54.000 He goes, I'll call you right back.
00:22:56.000 He calls me, yeah, you're right.
00:22:57.000 I don't want to kill a bear either.
00:22:58.000 Let's go fishing.
00:22:59.000 So he buys a crazy amount of fishing equipment. 1.00
00:23:01.000 We go there, we didn't catch one fish, not one fucking fish. 0.99
00:23:04.000 Really? 0.99
00:23:04.000 What? 0.99
00:23:05.000 We're not fishermen.
00:23:05.000 We lost all the lures.
00:23:07.000 We literally lost all the- You know how to tie knots?
00:23:09.000 I don't know how to do any of it.
00:23:10.000 So he just took chances like that?
00:23:12.000 We went out there.
00:23:13.000 We paid all this money for this guide.
00:23:14.000 Gotta learn some good knots, man.
00:23:16.000 That's important.
00:23:16.000 The guide comes back and he goes, we don't have any more lures.
00:23:20.000 And he goes, but you had a whole thing of them.
00:23:22.000 He goes, yeah, we lost them.
00:23:23.000 He goes, what do you mean?
00:23:24.000 We were casting over the lake into the trees.
00:23:27.000 He literally goes like this.
00:23:29.000 He goes, how'd you lose all the lures?
00:23:32.000 I don't know.
00:23:33.000 We never caught one fish.
00:23:34.000 And then he goes, I want to sight my rifle.
00:23:37.000 He brings his rifle.
00:23:38.000 I want to sight it.
00:23:39.000 So the former Marine wants to sight his rifle.
00:23:41.000 So he lies down and he's showing us how to shoot prone, right?
00:23:44.000 Problem is when you're in the Marines, you're shooting military weapons. 0.97
00:23:47.000 They don't have the kind of recoil that a.370 or whatever the fuck it was that can kill an elk from half a mile away from it. 0.73
00:23:52.000 So he's like, he's got his face right up against the scope, and he's like, all right, here.
00:23:57.000 And I'm like right behind him, right?
00:23:59.000 And I'm like, all right. 0.98
00:24:00.000 He goes, I'm gonna shoot that log. 0.97
00:24:01.000 I go, do it. 0.99
00:24:02.000 So I'm right behind him, and I don't know if you've ever heard a fucking elephant gun go off when you're close to it. 0.99
00:24:08.000 It was so loud that I practiced, I think I shat my pants a little bit, like a little duty flat on my ass. 0.99
00:24:14.000 My face, the sound, it was like a fire stick. 0.99
00:24:18.000 So he goes to shoot, and he goes, he shoots, I'm right behind him, and it was so loud, I went, Jesus!
00:24:23.000 It hit me. 1.00
00:24:25.000 I fall back on my ass. 1.00
00:24:26.000 He looks up. 1.00
00:24:27.000 He's got this really deep, round cut in his eye because the scope came back and hit him in the eye. 0.99
00:24:34.000 So for the rest of the fucking Alaska Drip, we're walking around like a couple of losers. 0.99
00:24:38.000 I'm like, don't stand next to me, bro. 1.00
00:24:40.000 You look like such a fucking tourist. 1.00
00:24:42.000 He has this huge cut around his eye like half a raccoon. 1.00
00:24:46.000 That is hilarious.
00:24:46.000 I'm like, I don't know who that guy is.
00:24:47.000 I know he looks like me, but he ain't my dad.
00:24:49.000 I'm like...
00:24:49.000 How are you supposed to shoot that through the scope?
00:24:51.000 Are you supposed to back way up?
00:24:53.000 Yeah!
00:24:54.000 I don't know.
00:24:55.000 It's a.370 or whatever.
00:24:56.000 Or do you just have to brace it better?
00:24:58.000 You've got to brace it better.
00:24:59.000 I shot it six times and I couldn't shoot it anymore because I literally don't have the meat in my shoulder.
00:25:03.000 It hurt that bad. 0.54
00:25:04.000 Jesus, man.
00:25:04.000 Like the kick is that bad.
00:25:06.000 And one of the tricks you do when you don't have earplugs is keep your mouth open when you shoot a gun that loud because the sound has somewhere to go.
00:25:13.000 Oh, my God.
00:25:14.000 Mistake rookies make is they keep their mouth closed.
00:25:16.000 Really?
00:25:17.000 Yeah, so you keep your mouth open and loose.
00:25:19.000 It's one of the rare times in life where you're supposed to keep your mouth open.
00:25:22.000 That's what I was told, by the way. 0.99
00:25:22.000 Any soldiers out there, maybe I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. 0.99
00:25:25.000 But that's what the guy told me, this guy named Swede. 0.99
00:25:28.000 And he said, keep your mouth open, that's how you do it.
00:25:30.000 Because he was shooting, no problem.
00:25:31.000 I was like, doesn't that hurt?
00:25:32.000 The sound was so loud it hurt my face.
00:25:34.000 Forget my ears.
00:25:35.000 Do you think...
00:25:59.000 You know, with this raging gun control debate in this country, do you think that there's any possible way you could make this a safe world with guns?
00:26:13.000 Here's what I always say about gun control.
00:26:14.000 It's what I talk about with my stand-up.
00:26:16.000 Speaking of which, I'll be at the American Comedy Club this Thursday.
00:26:19.000 It's Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
00:26:20.000 That's down in San Diego.
00:26:22.000 San Diego.
00:26:22.000 Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
00:26:24.000 And Saturday, that's right. 1.00
00:26:25.000 Oh, shit, bitches. 1.00
00:26:26.000 That's right. 1.00
00:26:26.000 I can't wait. 1.00
00:26:26.000 Amazing club, by the way. 1.00
00:26:28.000 We did a desk watch show there. 0.99
00:26:30.000 We had a fucking great time, man. 0.99
00:26:32.000 We did a weekend. 0.99
00:26:33.000 We did two shows.
00:26:33.000 I'm doing all new stuff.
00:26:34.000 I'm excited about my new hour.
00:26:36.000 But one of the things I always say, one of the things I was talking about with gun control...
00:26:40.000 Is gun control in this country, in my opinion, will never work in terms of what people are calling for because I think that men like their guns not because they're shiny and they go boom. 0.99
00:26:51.000 I actually really believe most men own guns because it's for them, and certainly for me, a feeling that at least I can protect my family if the shit hits the fan. 0.97
00:27:02.000 Because a golf club or a sharp stick ain't gonna do it. 0.99
00:27:04.000 I want an arsenal in case.
00:27:06.000 And I think most men go, when a politician says...
00:27:09.000 And they have good points, but if a politician says, we want to take your gun away, Americans in particular go, I don't fucking, I don't know, because you're not going to be there when somebody tries to break into my house at four in the morning.
00:27:20.000 I could call 911, but the feeling of a phone in my hand versus my Mossberg 20 gauge, you know, pump action shotgun feels a lot better to me.
00:27:27.000 The real problem is that guns are out there.
00:27:30.000 That's the real problem.
00:27:31.000 If guns didn't exist, then you having a gun would be a different issue.
00:27:35.000 But here's where the debate actually lies for me, after this terrible tragedy with the Batman thing.
00:27:39.000 I do think, and the NRA, from what I can understand, isn't that cooperative with this, I do think there's a debate to be had about the lethality of weapons.
00:27:48.000 Do you need a drum that holds a hundred rounds?
00:27:51.000 I don't think so. 1.00
00:27:52.000 Do you need a fucking elephant gun? 1.00
00:27:54.000 Right. 0.99
00:27:54.000 I don't think that you necessarily need an assault weapon that goes through a car engine or goes through buildings. 0.99
00:28:00.000 But you know what?
00:28:01.000 All the law-abiding people out there, like my friend Anthony Cumia from the Opie and Anthony show who's a gun nut, why shouldn't he be allowed to have them?
00:28:08.000 It doesn't bother me at all that he has one.
00:28:10.000 I own guns and I agree.
00:28:13.000 Anthony has a.50 caliber.
00:28:15.000 He has one of those cannon things.
00:28:18.000 I don't know.
00:28:19.000 I mean, I think that there was a politician on, he said this about it, and it was really kind of, he was honest, it was really interesting.
00:28:23.000 He said, what can we do about these madmen? 0.72
00:28:26.000 And he said, unfortunately, in a society like ours, that's free and as big as we are, you can't ultimately do anything about a lone, crazy, demented human being who is, whatever he is, schizophrenic. 0.73
00:28:39.000 I think, though, the debate lies, can you, though, create a situation where you can keep very lethal...
00:28:47.000 Efficient weapons like machine guns out of their hands.
00:28:50.000 That seems to be the debate. 0.75
00:28:52.000 I mean, I don't think you're ever going to stop crazies from getting guns and shooting people.
00:28:56.000 But it'd be nice if they got just a Glock as opposed to an AR-15 with a drum of 100 rounds.
00:29:03.000 Now, this is where the conspiracy theory kicks in, is where all these people believe that the government has brainwashed people like this Joker guy to go and commit these things so they can clamp down on gun control.
00:29:15.000 And that when you see, what is this, Eric Holder, you see like, first of all, the nonsense of them selling illegal guns to Mexico and having those guns be used on American Border Patrol agents in murder of border... 0.97
00:29:30.000 They're retarded. 1.00
00:29:31.000 That was actually a way to track weapons. 1.00
00:29:34.000 Whatever! 0.98
00:29:35.000 They sold guns, man. 1.00
00:29:37.000 I think that is the dumbest idea in the history of dumb ideas. 0.99
00:29:41.000 I don't know the details, but it doesn't sound very good. 0.99
00:29:43.000 Well, Alex Jones, of course, put your tinfoil hat on, believes that they did that shit on purpose and they're making money off of it and they wrapped it up in a ridiculous, completely implausible plot. 0.98
00:29:54.000 Like a completely implausible plan. 0.98
00:29:56.000 Yeah, the problem with a guy like Alex Jones, in my opinion, is whenever you talk about the government, the government is so diversified with so many different interests.
00:30:02.000 There are so many people that actually are against gun control in government and passionate about it.
00:30:06.000 There are a lot of people in government that are very for gun control.
00:30:09.000 I think there's a lot of debate even within the U.S. Army and the FBI and the CIA about what we should do about everything.
00:30:16.000 I think you're misunderstanding his tone, though.
00:30:18.000 What he's saying is it's a much more sinister thing than the government itself.
00:30:22.000 What he's talking about is like the World Banks and the New World Order getting together and physically engineering a situation where they can clamp down on people to take away their guns because they're worried about the economy going into the toilet and then, you know, when they're passing things like the NBA... It's giving a lot of credit to our group of people.
00:30:42.000 When they're passing things like the NDAA, when they pass things like that, you realize, well, they are slowly but steadily taking our rights away in a place, in a time where it's really not necessary.
00:30:53.000 There's no personal attacks.
00:30:55.000 I mean, there's no attacks going on here in America.
00:30:58.000 I would agree with you on that, but I think it's a little bit more insidious and a little bit more subtle than that.
00:31:06.000 I actually think that It's kind of what the Founding Fathers warned about a long time ago.
00:31:11.000 A lot of times, human beings will invent laws that take their own power away in the name of things like safety, in the name of...
00:31:19.000 Look at the Patriot Act.
00:31:20.000 Right.
00:31:21.000 You know, those kinds of things, where before you know it, there is a...
00:31:26.000 I keep telling you about this.
00:31:27.000 My father, I did a podcast with my dad on the Brian Callen Show, and he was talking about how he spent a lot of time in government, a lot of time down there, watched how it really works.
00:31:36.000 It's not that politicians are bad.
00:31:38.000 It's not that, you know, Republicans are Democrats.
00:31:40.000 A lot of people have good ideas. 0.98
00:31:41.000 They're trying to get shit done. 0.93
00:31:42.000 Obama is not a socialist. 0.98
00:31:44.000 It's government in the business of intent.
00:31:47.000 You're in the business of intent.
00:31:48.000 You have a law and you have an intention.
00:31:51.000 The problem when you have an intention is that there are so many different interests that you have to appease to get that law whole and passed.
00:31:59.000 And what happens is What you intended usually has other consequences, which would make sense.
00:32:06.000 And I think what we have to worry about is, like what you're talking about, where we start losing our own power, but it's almost like it happens without us even realizing it.
00:32:15.000 Like, you pass a law that seems to be a good law, it has other unintended consequences.
00:32:20.000 Right.
00:32:21.000 And whenever you do anything that compromises people's freedom and liberty, then you have to say, well, what is the end game in this?
00:32:29.000 Because this seems like even in the name of safety, you're going to clamp down on freedom and liberty and safety isn't going to be worth nearly as much.
00:32:35.000 You have to really look at that.
00:32:37.000 My father was talking about corporations, and he at one point ran the biggest investment bank in the world.
00:32:42.000 I heard it was an amazing podcast, by the way.
00:32:43.000 A lot of people really, really enjoyed it.
00:32:45.000 I was so proud of it.
00:32:46.000 You can get it on BrianCallum.com.
00:32:49.000 If I wasn't so selfish, I would listen to it.
00:32:51.000 Yeah, well, no.
00:32:53.000 This I think you'd really like, though.
00:32:54.000 I will listen to it, for sure.
00:32:56.000 He's so fair.
00:32:57.000 He's just about personal liberty, but he also understands that he's very moderate about that stuff.
00:33:03.000 You know, he's somebody who talks about, for example, whatever your intention, whatever your intention, as government grows, and both sides are responsible, Democrats, Republicans, it's human.
00:33:16.000 As a government grows with tax revenue or whatever it is, what happens with corporations, they behave just like you and I would, which is I've got to lobby my government so I can get a favorable outcome here because everybody else is doing it.
00:33:31.000 So pretty soon you've got everybody feeding out of or influencing the government trough.
00:33:37.000 You can't do business otherwise.
00:33:38.000 You can't be in business as a bank without having very strong ties to the government.
00:33:44.000 You can't.
00:33:45.000 You just can't.
00:33:47.000 And therein lies the argument.
00:33:49.000 So no matter what you say, yes, you need government.
00:33:52.000 Yes, there are good ideas out there.
00:33:55.000 But just be aware that regardless, the bigger it gets, even if its intentions are good, the argument goes you're going to lose some of your liberties.
00:34:06.000 You're just going to.
00:34:08.000 That seems at least to be what history says.
00:34:10.000 And it seems to be that it's so easy to let something grow completely unnecessarily out of control.
00:34:17.000 If you wanted to, you could micromanage every single aspect of society in order to create new jobs.
00:34:22.000 If you wanted to create new jobs and give more people the work of, you know...
00:34:29.000 Well, look, we were just talking about this this weekend.
00:34:31.000 Now, explain to me how in any way...
00:34:36.000 Making hemp, weed, marijuana illegal.
00:34:40.000 Marijuana is illegal.
00:34:40.000 You and I were hanging out at a bar this weekend.
00:34:43.000 And I remember I said, and there was somebody acting up and they were drunk. 0.70
00:34:46.000 And I said, I've never been bothered by a pothead like that.
00:34:50.000 But it's always somebody who's drinking.
00:34:52.000 Now, alcohol causes way more damage.
00:34:55.000 We all know the story.
00:34:56.000 Well, the facts are as clear as day.
00:34:58.000 But why is marijuana...
00:35:01.000 Why are those laws, those federal laws, so difficult to repeal?
00:35:04.000 Well, I'll tell you why, in my opinion.
00:35:06.000 And it goes back to what you brought up.
00:35:08.000 There's a lot of money in enforcing marijuana laws. 0.99
00:35:13.000 There's a lot of money.
00:35:14.000 Talk to the DEA. You've got a lot of people whose jobs depend on this stuff.
00:35:20.000 It's not anybody's fault.
00:35:22.000 It's what happens, man.
00:35:23.000 We are all... 0.98
00:35:24.000 Anytime you have a critique of somebody, just realize if you were in their position, you'd probably be the same goddamn way. 0.88
00:35:30.000 Hopefully not, but that's what happens.
00:35:33.000 That's why we need clear-cut laws to protect people from their own instincts, to protect human nature.
00:35:37.000 For you, a person who's outside of it, objectively looking at the situation from...
00:35:42.000 A knowledgeable point of view.
00:35:44.000 You can sort of engineer what is and what isn't legal.
00:35:48.000 We have to avoid this so you can't take money.
00:35:50.000 We have to avoid that so you can't do this.
00:35:53.000 Unless you stick by some well-thought rules, you need a scaffolding for humanity to grow on.
00:36:02.000 And when you give people power with no scaffolding, Yeah.
00:36:07.000 I never argue any more about a Democratic or Republican platform.
00:36:11.000 I never do that.
00:36:12.000 My argument always centers on one thing, which is, hey, look, you got your political point of view.
00:36:16.000 That's great.
00:36:17.000 You got your criticisms.
00:36:19.000 We all agree we need some government.
00:36:21.000 You just need some government.
00:36:22.000 Yeah, we need some moral boundaries.
00:36:23.000 We need some engineering of our culture.
00:36:26.000 Sure.
00:36:26.000 You need law and order.
00:36:27.000 You need roads.
00:36:27.000 You need But we need way less than we have.
00:36:30.000 Well, there you go.
00:36:30.000 And so then the question becomes, how much less do we need?
00:36:33.000 A lot less.
00:36:34.000 Okay.
00:36:34.000 And that's where the debate should...
00:36:36.000 That's what we should talk about.
00:36:37.000 Why?
00:36:37.000 And why?
00:36:38.000 What is the objective?
00:36:39.000 To preserve personal freedom, personal liberty.
00:36:42.000 If they had less laws and more cops, the world would be a way better place.
00:36:47.000 And if the cops were paid better and treated better by people... 0.96
00:36:51.000 If more people got their shit together so they didn't look at the cop as like someone who's gonna come and arrest you for doing shitty things, just don't be doing shitty things. 0.94
00:37:00.000 If we could figure out a way to elevate our society to the next level. 0.98
00:37:06.000 I think there could be a way.
00:37:08.000 I was just reading an article about...
00:37:10.000 But my thoughts of a cop is like a security person, like a friend.
00:37:15.000 Let's put it this way. 0.99
00:37:16.000 Instead of thinking of cops as someone who's coming to bust you or someone who's going to take your shit, if you had good cops in a community, it's like if you had a fucking fort and your buddy was the guy who had to watch the door with the gun because there's crazy Indians or who knows what the fuck could happen. 1.00
00:37:35.000 You need that. 1.00
00:37:36.000 Like, that shit is very important. 1.00
00:37:37.000 You have to have somebody guarding the wall. 1.00
00:37:39.000 And somewhere along the line, it stopped being that, and it became an us versus them.
00:37:44.000 The society versus the cops.
00:37:47.000 I do think, though, that a lot of police forces, that's not lost on a lot of cops and a lot of the brass.
00:37:54.000 For example, in New York, I read an article that crime is down since the 90s by 80%.
00:38:01.000 Yeah, that's amazing.
00:38:02.000 A lot of it had to do, and mostly, mostly in black and Hispanic neighborhoods. 1.00
00:38:06.000 Mostly Giuliani came in and just cut the bullshit. 0.99
00:38:09.000 Yeah, and it was Bratton and their notion of a quality of life laws. 0.98
00:38:13.000 They said if somebody graffitis a wall, they probably do other things that are bad too.
00:38:16.000 So we're going to start enforcing those small crimes because they lead to bigger crimes, that kind of notion.
00:38:22.000 And it's interesting how many people were so down on Giuliani doing that and really upset that he's ruining New York.
00:38:28.000 New York's the best.
00:38:28.000 I was in New York.
00:38:29.000 I shot a movie there three weeks ago or whatever.
00:38:32.000 It's better than...
00:38:34.000 I mean, my family's from there.
00:38:35.000 It's better than I've ever seen the city in my life.
00:38:37.000 That's incredible.
00:38:38.000 It's incredible.
00:38:39.000 It's a better place to be than anywhere.
00:38:42.000 It's the best I've ever seen it.
00:38:43.000 It's the better place to be than anywhere in the world?
00:38:45.000 Well, in some ways.
00:38:47.000 I don't want to get carried away.
00:38:47.000 What's the greatest part about it to you?
00:38:50.000 Accessibility to everything that's everything and feeling safe doing it.
00:38:55.000 First of all, you've got the Lower East Side, which is totally different than the Lower West Side, which is totally different than the Upper West Side, which is totally different than Midtown, which is totally different than the Upper East Side.
00:39:03.000 And there's an experience to be had in all quadrants of Manhattan.
00:39:06.000 You can get there in 15 minutes by cab or less or by subway.
00:39:11.000 And most importantly, you no longer walk around New York feeling like you're going to get mugged or anything else.
00:39:17.000 See, that's the feeling that people still have about Manhattan, is that weird feeling of worrying about being mugged.
00:39:24.000 Sure, because it's so big.
00:39:25.000 But if you look at the statistics, the police have done an amazing job of policing.
00:39:31.000 And you know who else has done a really good job?
00:39:32.000 I can't remember our police chief here in L.A., but...
00:39:36.000 They've done a really good job, really good job at controlling gang violence in this, and it's almost impossible in such a huge area, but they've done a really innovative job, you know, comparatively.
00:39:48.000 They've learned a lot from the gang explosions in the 80s and the 90s, and they've done a really good job in a lot of places. 0.96
00:39:55.000 It's kind of fucked when you really wrap your head around it. 0.78
00:39:57.000 That should be the laws that people are concentrating on. 1.00
00:40:00.000 What is causing that kind of shit? 0.99
00:40:02.000 I know what it's causing. 1.00
00:40:03.000 I have an opinion on that.
00:40:05.000 Gangs?
00:40:05.000 I think a lot of it starts with...
00:40:07.000 No family.
00:40:08.000 Exactly.
00:40:08.000 I talked to a principal in Kansas City.
00:40:10.000 I said, what would you do about education?
00:40:11.000 And I wanted to get into a talk about it.
00:40:13.000 And he said, nothing.
00:40:14.000 Our schools are great. 1.00
00:40:15.000 Our parents are fucked up. 1.00
00:40:17.000 If they had good parents, it'd be fine. 1.00
00:40:18.000 I was like, ooh, jeez.
00:40:19.000 I never thought of it.
00:40:20.000 He goes, my school's great.
00:40:21.000 I just got parents that don't, they're not present.
00:40:23.000 They got three kids they can't take care of. 0.86
00:40:26.000 And it comes down to that.
00:40:27.000 There's a lot of that, man.
00:40:28.000 There's a lot.
00:40:29.000 I think gangs are about kids who just want to feel significant and belong to something.
00:40:32.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:40:33.000 Everybody has the need to belong to a team or a tribe.
00:40:36.000 That's why we call ourselves a death squad.
00:40:39.000 That's why I love being a part of 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu.
00:40:43.000 When you become a part of a team, you feel stronger. 1.00
00:40:50.000 So some kid who's out there on his own, his family just fucking sucks and his whole life has been shit, and he's there with some dude who will shoot a dude for him. 0.99
00:40:59.000 That's kind of what the podcast is too, isn't it? 1.00
00:41:01.000 Yeah.
00:41:05.000 Joe did a show this weekend in Denver, and that crowd was so unbelievable.
00:41:11.000 It was like a rock star. 0.99
00:41:12.000 I went out as Joe, and I was like, what's up, you fucking freaks? 0.99
00:41:16.000 Yeah, we wanted to see how long it would take before people realized. 0.99
00:41:18.000 They thought it was me, and they must have been like, what the hell?
00:41:20.000 Joe got skinny and a little taller with a beard.
00:41:22.000 That's weird, but anyway.
00:41:24.000 But they went crazy, and then watching all those people line up just to take a picture with you.
00:41:29.000 They feel like they belong to an experience.
00:41:33.000 They feel like they belong to something.
00:41:35.000 I do my 10-minute podcast.
00:41:38.000 I notice a lot of young men, they go on to that kind of humor.
00:41:43.000 They like the silliness that we do because it's kind of like recess.
00:41:48.000 When you create a following and you create a core group of people, it makes them feel like they belong to something.
00:41:54.000 I think that's why they root for a team.
00:41:55.000 You have an experience with it.
00:41:57.000 It's the same kind of thing. 1.00
00:41:58.000 Well, this is an even more intimate experience because you're in people's fucking heads, man. 0.99
00:42:03.000 That's why people get so annoyed if you say something over, repeat things, or if you do something they don't like. 0.99
00:42:08.000 People are allowing you the most intimate input into their brain. 0.65
00:42:15.000 You're in the fucking earbuds and you're literally playing inside their ear and you're talking inside their head and if you're annoying, that's a mindfuck, but if you are really genuinely on a good path and you really are genuinely promoting Other people to be on a good path to and just brotherhood. 0.91
00:42:36.000 You know, Tom Rhodes sent me a text today that was a really fucking awesome text because Tom just did the Ice House Chronicles show that we do at the Death Squad at the Ice House. 0.99
00:42:45.000 Yeah.
00:42:46.000 The Ice House is an amazing old comedy club, and we've been doing these shows, and we're going to do one this Friday night, where we have all these comics go up, it was Dom Herrera, you know, this week it's Greg Fitzsimmons, Joey Diaz, Joey's on all the time, Bert Kreischer was there this week, I mean, these shows are fucking incredible, okay? 0.87
00:43:02.000 And we're hanging around in the back room and we're doing a podcast and it's me and Kreischer and Tom Rhodes and Dom Herrera and Brody Stevens and we are laughing our fucking dicks off. 0.95
00:43:15.000 It's so fun.
00:43:16.000 It's like the stuff we always did but now hundreds of thousands of people But what Tom said, he goes, I really love the feeling of comedy brotherhood.
00:43:27.000 And that's really what it was.
00:43:29.000 It's like we have a comedy brotherhood.
00:43:31.000 And we really genuinely like each other, love each other, and want each other to succeed and are happy when each other succeeds.
00:43:40.000 That's the one thing that's missing in our group.
00:43:43.000 Is that weird comic neurosis that often exists where people can't be happy with other people's success.
00:43:48.000 Just bitter, bitter like narcissistic or bitter kind of like damaged like islands.
00:43:53.000 That's what you'd get a lot with like stand-up comics.
00:43:55.000 Well, they haven't been told, man.
00:43:57.000 It's like learning jujitsu wrong or learning to play the guitar wrong.
00:44:03.000 You haven't been told the way to manage your mind.
00:44:05.000 And what you don't realize is that even though you are separate from other people, you're really not.
00:44:12.000 And you get something from them, positive or negative.
00:44:16.000 And that affects you.
00:44:18.000 And if you can generate positive feelings in other people, then you will get more positive feeling in your own life.
00:44:26.000 You know what's really weird?
00:44:27.000 I'm reading this book called The Sociopath Next Door, written by this Harvard psychiatrist.
00:44:32.000 Yeah, I read an excerpt about that where they were saying some frightening numbers.
00:44:37.000 Well, sociopaths, you were just talking about connection and how important it is and the feeling you get from when you move other people and you get moved from other people.
00:44:46.000 Most of us who are normal, we get this.
00:44:49.000 Sociopaths...
00:44:50.000 They don't even get that from their own children.
00:44:52.000 They don't even get...
00:44:53.000 They could be very successful, but they don't get any satisfaction out of getting the adulation.
00:45:00.000 The only thing that they usually get pleasure from is winning and controlling other people's reactions.
00:45:07.000 Isn't that wild?
00:45:09.000 So the idea is, whatever they can do, power over people is what gets them off and winning.
00:45:14.000 That's the only thing that gives them the satisfaction because they can dominate. 0.99
00:45:17.000 I think we know comics like that.
00:45:19.000 There are a lot of people like that.
00:45:20.000 I think we know one, at least.
00:45:22.000 And it's usually the ones that are in trouble for being unoriginal.
00:45:27.000 It's the desire for conquest supersedes everything.
00:45:32.000 Right. 0.99
00:45:32.000 And they really don't have any problem fucking people over. 0.99
00:45:35.000 Right. 0.99
00:45:35.000 And that's where it gets really weird. 0.99
00:45:37.000 Every time I've ever fucked anybody over in my life, it is left a bad feeling. 0.50
00:45:42.000 Like, we were talking before the show about stealing material. 0.98
00:45:46.000 And I said, when I was an open-miker, I totally stole.
00:45:50.000 I stole Greg Fitzsimmons' stuff.
00:45:52.000 We stole it on purpose.
00:45:53.000 We spoke about it to each other. 1.00
00:45:55.000 We said, like, dude, if I'm on the road and I'm bombing, I'm doing your shit. 0.99
00:45:58.000 We made agreements with each other. 1.00
00:46:00.000 But even though I told those people his joke, and it wasn't my joke, I still felt like I was full of shit. 1.00
00:46:06.000 And it, like, fucked with me for years. 0.99
00:46:09.000 Do you know what I do every time now? 0.99
00:46:10.000 I do stand-up.
00:46:11.000 My buddy Sam Brown, who was a great comic, died of pancreatic cancer about two months ago.
00:46:15.000 And I was really close to him.
00:46:17.000 I knew him for 20 years.
00:46:18.000 And he was the first headliner I'd ever seen who would crush.
00:46:20.000 He was from Boston.
00:46:21.000 And now every show, I steal one of his jokes.
00:46:26.000 It's like my little homage to him.
00:46:27.000 I just put it in there.
00:46:28.000 I just kind of slide it in.
00:46:30.000 That's funny.
00:46:31.000 I wrote on his deathbed.
00:46:33.000 Unfortunately, he couldn't talk, but his wife read it to him.
00:46:37.000 I said, listen, man, you're one of the greatest comics.
00:46:40.000 You always made me laugh.
00:46:41.000 If there's any way I can have your material, I mean, you don't need it. 0.98
00:46:44.000 I fucking wrote that. 0.92
00:46:45.000 And she read it to him, but I don't think he was able to, I don't think he was conscious about it. 1.00
00:46:49.000 I hope he could hear it, and I hope I made him laugh before he died.
00:46:51.000 Yeah.
00:46:52.000 Because I literally, by the way, I recorded two podcasts with him.
00:46:55.000 One, he knew he was dying on my podcast.
00:46:58.000 So it's pretty cool.
00:47:00.000 Pretty moving. 1.00
00:47:01.000 You can do my shit if I die. 1.00
00:47:03.000 I'll do your shit. 1.00
00:47:05.000 That's what I want to do for my friends. 1.00
00:47:06.000 I'll send you some of my notes.
00:47:07.000 He had great bits, man. 0.99
00:47:10.000 He had fucking great bits. 1.00
00:47:12.000 He would talk about how small his dick was. 1.00
00:47:13.000 I'll be behind the grid going, dude, no, no, you fucked the order up. 1.00
00:47:16.000 I'll screw your jokes up, man.
00:47:18.000 Your jokes would be hard to steal though because like I was watching you this weekend and one of the things I loved was it was almost like you were, you were, you were, because I know a lot of this stuff is new and so so much of it was just you kind of having an experience.
00:47:30.000 It's like what I like about your stand-up is you're always kind of having an experience and you're doing it For you and you're working something out and you're looking at how weirdly, how weird we are structured as a society, our minds are, why we do things that make no sense, why contextually something makes sense but then it doesn't in this case.
00:47:49.000 And it was so fun to watch because I was like, you know, the comedy is almost secondary to the experience.
00:47:55.000 Yeah, yeah, it's funny, yes.
00:47:57.000 But you're almost like...
00:47:58.000 I really think people are watching you kind of have your own very authentic and unique experience, verbal experience.
00:48:07.000 That's what I felt like.
00:48:08.000 I come away with a very different perspective.
00:48:10.000 It's very inspiring to me because I start writing differently.
00:48:13.000 Really?
00:48:13.000 Yeah, when I see you, I go...
00:48:15.000 It's a really nice...
00:48:16.000 It's what I love about having friends that inspire me, which you've always done.
00:48:22.000 That's who your friends should be.
00:48:24.000 I have friends that are wonderful that I play grab ass with, but then you have friends that really inspire you to be better and push you just by their example.
00:48:33.000 Well, they make you better. 0.94
00:48:35.000 They make you better.
00:48:36.000 You make me better.
00:48:37.000 Good, I like hearing that.
00:48:38.000 Unquestionably.
00:48:38.000 We all make each other better.
00:48:40.000 Your bar has always been...
00:48:42.000 I don't know how to describe where you place the bar, but I always would watch you, and I've seen you at your best. 1.00
00:48:49.000 I've seen you when your shit is fucking so tight, and you're just a machine gun. 0.99
00:48:54.000 I remember when you were younger, I'd never seen... 1.00
00:48:56.000 You did something to a crowd in New York, I remember.
00:48:58.000 I was with Patty Jenkins. 1.00
00:49:00.000 You were a fucking machine gun! 1.00
00:49:03.000 It was like, literally, these New Yorkers, like all these comics got on them, and then Joe Rogan gets up, and it was literally like, we were like looking at each other going, what the fuck is, what the fuck is this? 0.99
00:49:10.000 And it was, what it was was somebody who had never taken a day off, and had only been working on being as authentic with their experience, and what a lot of people don't know about your early stuff is you were so good at impressions, you did all of it.
00:49:22.000 It was funny, but really true. 0.97
00:49:24.000 So for me, it was just literally like a fucking tsunami. 0.99
00:49:27.000 We were like, Jesus Christ! 0.99
00:49:30.000 That's how you do stand-up.
00:49:31.000 That's how you do it. 1.00
00:49:32.000 Good luck anybody trying to follow that fucking ball of fucking energy, because you just come on like... 1.00
00:49:38.000 There were certain bits that I couldn't follow myself. 1.00
00:49:41.000 Oh my gosh.
00:49:42.000 I had to do them last. 0.99
00:49:43.000 And you were so physical, like muscular, but really flexible, like you do weird shit. 0.98
00:49:48.000 Like fall into the splits. 0.98
00:49:49.000 I remember one time we had a meeting.
00:49:51.000 Remember that we were pitching a TV show and we're sitting on a couch and it's like, I think it was with Eric Tannenbaum and like big producers and you go, and we were talking about martial arts and you go, yeah, I'm flexible.
00:50:01.000 And I was like, yeah, I'm flexible too.
00:50:03.000 And you go, yeah, but you can't do this. 0.98
00:50:04.000 And you grabbed your ankles and fucking pulled them up and you did the splits in the air. 0.99
00:50:09.000 And we were all like, what the fuck is that? 0.99
00:50:11.000 What is that? 1.00
00:50:11.000 He's like made of rubber. 1.00
00:50:12.000 And you used to bring that shit to the stage and it's just really wild to watch you kind of Continue to grow and change your expression, you know? 0.99
00:50:21.000 Well, you just keep adding information to the pile. 0.99
00:50:26.000 You keep adding your learned experiences.
00:50:29.000 So if you're still into it, you know, you don't diminish your focus.
00:50:35.000 My focus is a real wrestling match because I... Like in Steven Pressfield's books, he talks about distractions and different things.
00:50:44.000 I certainly battle with those things.
00:50:47.000 But I also battle with other things that I enjoy, like what he calls distractions, that I think make me better.
00:50:55.000 I think the better I get at pool, this seems really strange, but the better I am at comedy.
00:51:00.000 And right now, I've never been better at comedy, and I've never been better at pool.
00:51:04.000 Like, I've got this weird thing going on where I can tune in. 0.97
00:51:10.000 To me, it seems to be about tuning in to whatever the fuck I'm trying to do. 0.97
00:51:17.000 Whether it's jujitsu, whether it's pool, but it's stand-up comedy. 0.80
00:51:21.000 But I have to have that same sort of intensity and energy.
00:51:25.000 And if I dwindle, if I drop below a certain level, I can't rely on my learned experiences with stand-up.
00:51:34.000 I can't rely on the past.
00:51:36.000 I have to constantly be maintaining a certain amount of current interest.
00:51:41.000 Well, that's what I was going to say.
00:51:42.000 What I think the secret to your success is, and I always try to tell people this because people get very frustrated and discouraged by the process of accomplishment because there are so many plateaus and you're always, always, like a lot of people, well, this didn't work out and I'm not good at it.
00:51:56.000 And I'll just say this to everybody because I've been pretty successful and I have people come up to me and when you do a show they want to take pictures and they look at you as a success in this business.
00:52:08.000 And you, being one of my closest friends, you had a critique of my recent special on Showtime, which I wasn't very happy with.
00:52:14.000 But what was great about it is you said, hey, Brian, you could be way better than you are. 0.98
00:52:20.000 Now, I shot a fucking Showtime special. 0.99
00:52:21.000 A lot of people are like, whoa, you shot a special. 0.99
00:52:23.000 I'm not working on my second.
00:52:24.000 But you said, you're putting a little too much English on the ball, okay? 0.97
00:52:29.000 A little too slick playing around.
00:52:31.000 And what that does, and of course, I know that.
00:52:34.000 It's a trick.
00:52:34.000 Of course, absolutely.
00:52:35.000 Yeah, I've done it.
00:52:36.000 I look back at my old stuff where I did that.
00:52:38.000 It's the grossest feeling of all time.
00:52:39.000 But that's okay because what it means is that no matter where you are in your career, you've always got to be assessing.
00:52:44.000 You've always got to be taking yourself to task and kind of taking a look at yourself objectively and going, I've got to work a little harder.
00:52:53.000 I'm watching my last special that I edited. 0.96
00:52:55.000 It's the best shit I've ever done, and I can't even watch it. 1.00
00:52:57.000 I was like, oh, I look so stupid. 1.00
00:52:59.000 I can't watch me! 1.00
00:53:00.000 I fucking talk too much. 0.99
00:53:02.000 Even when I stumble through like one, I'll fuck up the one word, you know, I'll have one little stumble in there, and it's just like watching a puppy get hit with a hammer. 0.99
00:53:14.000 The first time I saw myself on camera was when I was a wrestler when I was 14. And I walked out on the mat and I used to think I was the baddest guy on the planet. 0.93
00:53:23.000 I looked at this video and I went, well, who the fuck is the kid with rickets? 1.00
00:53:29.000 Who the fuck is that? 1.00
00:53:30.000 It was me. 1.00
00:53:31.000 I've never been more devastated.
00:53:32.000 I was like, I'm that skinny in a singlet?
00:53:35.000 I'm never wrestling again. 0.99
00:53:36.000 I'll go out in a burka before I fucking go out in a singlet. 0.99
00:53:39.000 That's an affront. 0.99
00:53:42.000 My buddy wrote a book.
00:53:44.000 Which I told you, you should have them on your podcast.
00:53:46.000 His name is Hunter Motz.
00:53:47.000 He wrote a book called A Straight A Conspiracy.
00:53:49.000 He speaks 10 languages fluently, this kid.
00:53:51.000 Graduated from Harvard with a biochemistry degree.
00:53:54.000 And I said, why'd you write the book?
00:53:55.000 He said, well, I said, how do you learn 10 languages fluently?
00:53:58.000 And he's fluent.
00:54:00.000 And he said, oh, it's because I know I can do it and everybody who learns languages or math thinks they can't because they have an emotional context around it.
00:54:08.000 That's all.
00:54:09.000 And I went, what does that mean?
00:54:10.000 He said, I'm writing a book about it.
00:54:11.000 I'll tell you about it later.
00:54:12.000 I had him on my podcast.
00:54:13.000 He wrote a book called The Straight A Conspiracy.
00:54:16.000 And if you look at all the science around learning, which he did, one of the things that they find for sure is that people have these myths about themselves.
00:54:26.000 I'm not a math person.
00:54:27.000 I am a math person.
00:54:28.000 I'm artistic.
00:54:28.000 I'm not artistic.
00:54:29.000 I'm musical.
00:54:30.000 I'm not musical.
00:54:31.000 If you actually look at the science that's being done about learning and why some people are very good at some things and others are not.
00:54:37.000 I'm talking broad scope here.
00:54:39.000 What you find is that the emotional context with which they learn something has everything to do with whether or not they're going to excel at that.
00:54:48.000 Everything.
00:54:49.000 So in other words, whatever emotional state you approach learning something, growing at something, It means everything.
00:54:57.000 It's what it's all about.
00:54:59.000 If you are in a pleasant environment where somebody makes it fun for you, you're going to learn it.
00:55:05.000 Why are a lot of Asian people, so the stereotype goes, Chinese people are good at math and a lot of Americans aren't.
00:55:11.000 I'll tell you why.
00:55:12.000 If you read Malcolm Gladwell's book, The Outliers, and my buddy's book, Straight A Conspiracy, It has to do with a culture that says, well, yeah, this math problem is really hard, and I guess I'll be here for the next two and a half hours.
00:55:25.000 Americans are like, I'm not going to sit here for two and a half hours. 1.00
00:55:28.000 I got shit to do. 1.00
00:55:30.000 This is fucking really hard. 1.00
00:55:32.000 Guess what? 0.99
00:55:32.000 Not a math person. 0.99
00:55:33.000 And then your parents go, yeah, he's not good at math.
00:55:35.000 Isn't it fascinating, though, that the culture that is the least inclined to do that hard work is the culture that has the best art?
00:55:45.000 Well, we also have the best math and science, surprisingly, because we have immigrants who come here. 1.00
00:55:50.000 Just competition, too.
00:55:51.000 And the competition's fierce.
00:55:52.000 And the possibilities are pretty intense.
00:55:55.000 I also happen to believe that that is the reason we're so good at art and things is because we place emphasis on the individual.
00:56:03.000 It's your individual expression is what you can benefit from, and we have freedom to do it.
00:56:06.000 You can't be expressive.
00:56:08.000 Can you imagine having your podcast in Russia?
00:56:10.000 I can't even imagine having my podcast in America in a few years.
00:56:14.000 That's what's really a problem. 0.88
00:56:15.000 What's really a problem is the more you get shit like this National Defense Authorization Act, the more these different laws are passed that slowly but surely take away your right to say certain things. 0.97
00:56:26.000 They just outlawed protests at military funerals. 0.98
00:56:29.000 The government has recently reinstated propaganda.
00:56:33.000 They're allowed now, they haven't been since the 1940s, to actively use propaganda on the American people.
00:56:41.000 That's legal now. 0.68
00:56:42.000 And all this shit is going on while the internet is growing, while people's access to information is just flying at them. 0.97
00:56:51.000 It's like this desperate, last-clawing attempt at a dying culture to hold on to power. 1.00
00:56:57.000 And it's disgusting.
00:56:58.000 It's disgusting that anybody would ever allow the government to use propaganda, meaning mislead lie and distort the truth for the public. 0.95
00:57:10.000 In order to emphasize their point that you would give that power to the government is so beyond sick.
00:57:16.000 But as long as you realize that that is always going to be the case and that you have to always be aware of that.
00:57:22.000 The problem is that it's happening, though.
00:57:24.000 The problem is that it's a trend.
00:57:25.000 It's happening.
00:57:26.000 And it takes a lot to stop a trend.
00:57:28.000 It takes a lot to back it up.
00:57:30.000 You know why?
00:57:30.000 How do you stop it?
00:57:31.000 Do you write to your representative?
00:57:32.000 I mean, what happens after a while is I start to feel like I'm not represented.
00:57:36.000 I start to feel like if I'm not a corporation with a lot of money to buy lobbyists, I don't have a way of influencing my government.
00:57:43.000 For example, New York Times ran an article recently about, I travel a lot, as do you, and when you walk through the two boxes where you put your feet and you Yeah, you put your hands up in your hand.
00:57:55.000 Yeah, I'm not talking about the phone board that goes around you.
00:57:57.000 I'm talking about the two boxes you walk through.
00:57:59.000 Well, that's radiation.
00:58:01.000 And the New York Times wrote an article, and it was about a week ago, if you guys want to look it up, about the fact that they actually aren't too sure how much radiation you're getting.
00:58:08.000 They think it might be one-tenth of a chest x-ray in some cases.
00:58:11.000 More importantly, they don't maintain them as well.
00:58:14.000 They had some crazy number of maintenance requests, many of which were not met.
00:58:19.000 You're putting your trust into the TSA. They're probably good people doing the best they can and in some ways they do a great job.
00:58:24.000 But the fact that I didn't know that I was being blasted with radiation no matter how small, not doing it.
00:58:29.000 I don't do that.
00:58:30.000 I have them pat me down.
00:58:32.000 Does anybody ever get creepy with you when you ask for a pat down?
00:58:35.000 I was hoping they would, but they didn't.
00:58:38.000 Not to mean creepy sexually.
00:58:39.000 No, no, no.
00:58:41.000 Because Graham Hancock, who's a guy I've had on the podcast before, he's from England.
00:58:46.000 He came to America and he didn't trust the radiation of the machine.
00:58:49.000 He said they violently, like, almost assaulted him.
00:58:52.000 Oh, really?
00:58:52.000 No, I know.
00:58:52.000 Yeah, he said it was very rape-like.
00:58:54.000 They grabbed his cock, like, the whole deal. 1.00
00:58:56.000 No, they were really polite to me, actually. 0.99
00:58:58.000 They went, all right, no problem, you know.
00:58:59.000 I think it's who you get.
00:59:01.000 You might get some guy who doesn't like English people.
00:59:04.000 Dude has an accent.
00:59:05.000 He's like, I'm not going to go through there.
00:59:07.000 I'm actually impressed with the TSA and how professional a lot of them are.
00:59:11.000 I'm actually impressed with how courteous they are. 1.00
00:59:12.000 You're such a fucking Fox News contrarian. 0.99
00:59:15.000 I would have known that you were going to say that. 1.00
00:59:16.000 What about TSA? Cunts? 0.98
00:59:18.000 You know what? 0.91
00:59:19.000 Actually, statistically, the TSA... Because I like everybody.
00:59:21.000 Because I like everybody.
00:59:22.000 I have no, like, result.
00:59:23.000 By the way, just for the record, everybody, I violate all my rules in the show.
00:59:28.000 I don't believe, as an actor, I should be talking about anything, including politics, but I can't help it.
00:59:33.000 I'm like, anyway...
00:59:33.000 As an actor?
00:59:34.000 How could you say as an actor?
00:59:35.000 I mean, as a comic, as a comic.
00:59:36.000 You're a comic.
00:59:37.000 If you're a comic, you should be able... 0.57
00:59:38.000 You know that ridiculous idea that you should be able to talk about anything except religion or politics? 0.68
00:59:43.000 Yeah. 0.95
00:59:43.000 Well, that alone is just like a cry, or a call, rather, to a middling state of mind. 0.95
00:59:51.000 Well, the bummer is that every time I... To a non-communication, you know?
00:59:54.000 And I think if you're not politically committed to some extent, then it's at your own peril.
00:59:59.000 If everybody wants to be ignorant about what's going on in their world and politics, then good luck trying to change anything, and more importantly, good luck being able to see what's happening before it does. 0.99
01:00:08.000 Most people don't have the fucking... 0.99
01:00:10.000 Time, man. 1.00
01:00:11.000 That's part of the problem.
01:00:12.000 Most people have lives.
01:00:13.000 They have jobs and children and all that other stuff that goes along with them, hobbies.
01:00:17.000 But you have time to develop a philosophy.
01:00:18.000 You don't have to worry about the minutiae.
01:00:20.000 My point is that what you were saying earlier is that they don't feel like they're being represented, so they don't feel like their efforts put into it have any great reward.
01:00:31.000 There's a lot of people, I think a good percentage, more than half, that feel completely alienated from the system.
01:00:37.000 And that's a conservative estimate.
01:00:39.000 If you say that half the people in this country feel alienated from the system, that's a failing system, no matter how you look at it.
01:00:45.000 And the problem is people don't feel rewarded for investing in a failing system. 0.96
01:00:50.000 When a guy like Obama gets the Nobel Peace Prize and then sends 30,000 more fucking troops to Afghanistan and everybody's like, Jesus Christ, man. 0.97
01:00:59.000 Like, what kind of system is this? 0.99
01:01:02.000 Who would have said that that's okay?
01:01:04.000 Who would have wanted their sons to go?
01:01:05.000 Who would have wanted their brother to go?
01:01:07.000 Right. 0.99
01:01:07.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99
01:01:08.000 That's nonsense. 1.00
01:01:09.000 That's craziness.
01:01:10.000 But yet it's happening.
01:01:11.000 So we don't feel represented.
01:01:14.000 I wonder if Obama himself feels in a lot of ways like a listless play thing.
01:01:20.000 I wonder.
01:01:20.000 You know what I mean?
01:01:21.000 I bet you his biggest complaint is the fact that he doesn't have any power at all.
01:01:25.000 I bet you that he knows that if he makes one decision, he's going to appease 50% of the people and piss off the other 50%.
01:01:32.000 I mean, it's got to be a strange job if you just stop and think about who you are before you become president.
01:01:37.000 If you take out all the nonsense, the tinfoil hat stuff about the Illuminati running things, and let's just pretend for a brief moment that maybe elections are real, okay?
01:01:47.000 And maybe Obama is just a regular dude who became a senator, who's a regular dude who ran for president, who activated a big...
01:01:57.000 Wellspring of hope in this people and then they put him into office and then once he gets in there then he has to deal with these international banks.
01:02:04.000 He has to deal with things like Halliburton.
01:02:06.000 He has to deal with people like Dick Cheney, Rumsfeld.
01:02:10.000 Think about all the people that were in power before him.
01:02:12.000 Think about all the people that he has to communicate with. 1.00
01:02:14.000 Think about all the shit that went down in that office. 0.99
01:02:17.000 Think about all the people that died all over the world because of the actions of the group of people he replaced. 1.00
01:02:24.000 And think about what that must feel like to step into those shoes and then all of a sudden you realize you are at the helm of a murder machine.
01:02:31.000 You are at the helm of a thing that is in every single part of the world.
01:02:36.000 Not only that, it's also a huge octopus that is not being run by one particular...
01:02:40.000 No, it's being pilfered by a bunch of different interests, but they're profiting in massive, massive amounts on war itself.
01:02:48.000 Boeing and Raytheon and all those companies that make a lot of money off of what what they what eisenhower called the industrial military industrial and so as a as a president do you feel like you know when you get in there you just slowly try to put on the brakes i mean how much control does a guy have because it doesn't seem like much i think we deviated much from bush to obama at all and in fact they cracked down on secrecy issues and cracked down on prosecuting people for leaking information and And Obama was very much
01:03:18.000 about the drone program, special forces program.
01:03:21.000 He made a joke about using the drones if someone tried to date his daughters.
01:03:26.000 He made a joke in one of those, you know they do one of those functions where he does one-liners?
01:03:30.000 Obama got up there and he made a joke about if you were dating his daughters, he has one word for you.
01:03:36.000 Drones.
01:03:37.000 Jesus.
01:03:38.000 Yeah.
01:03:38.000 Well, it's kind of funny.
01:03:40.000 But not when you're the president.
01:03:41.000 That's not when thousands of civilians have been murdered by drones.
01:03:46.000 Thousands of innocent civilians.
01:03:49.000 I don't know what the number is now, but it was in the thousands.
01:03:52.000 Someone sent me all the statistics on Twitter.
01:03:54.000 They've killed a lot of bad guys.
01:03:56.000 But again, it was what we were talking about with factory farming.
01:03:59.000 When you have people in Nevada and Florida who go to a room and they kill people who are a thousand miles away via camera and with these drones.
01:04:09.000 Think about that.
01:04:10.000 My joke was the war hero in 20 years is going to be the chubby guy with huge thumb muscles that smells like Doritos and weed.
01:04:16.000 He's a gamer.
01:04:17.000 He's being hooked up on Alpha Brain.
01:04:19.000 There is a psychological component when you're removing yourself from the actual...
01:04:25.000 When you're a Marine, you're drawing a bead, you're shooting a guy, and you're running, and you see the guy die and stuff.
01:04:30.000 when you're in a room in your country and you go home after operating these drones and killing whatever it might be, maybe it's one person, maybe 25, whatever it is, or you drop a 1,000-pound bomb on, shoot a hellfire missile, whatever comes out of those things, that's kind of really, that raises a lot of questions. that's kind of really, that raises a lot of questions.
01:04:49.000 It raises a lot of questions when we're this removed from the actual experience of killing.
01:04:54.000 And what we were talking about earlier, it's all connected.
01:04:57.000 The sociopath does not have that feeling of connection and only feels pleasure when they win.
01:05:02.000 And what is war but completely sociopathic behavior?
01:05:06.000 And what is friendship other than non-sociopathic behavior?
01:05:10.000 The connection that you get with people being the most important thing.
01:05:14.000 We were talking about when we were doing this podcast that we've created an environment.
01:05:20.000 It's not as simple as this is a show.
01:05:22.000 It's a bunch of people tuning into the show and getting like a positive thing out of it and having conversations like this.
01:05:28.000 And these conversations take place in their head and they experience it.
01:05:33.000 They learn from it.
01:05:35.000 It gives them hope.
01:05:36.000 It gives them a mindset that they can accomplish something with. 0.97
01:05:40.000 Do you know how many fucking people I've had come up to me and go, dude, since I've listened to your podcast, I've lost 70 pounds. 0.97
01:05:46.000 I've started drinking kale shakes. 1.00
01:05:47.000 They come to me every fucking show. 0.99
01:05:49.000 It's incredible. 0.99
01:05:50.000 It's also important when you have a debate and we have a discussion like we do to actually take a look at where to place the focus.
01:05:58.000 For example, there are a lot of people in the military who are doing these things that never agreed with the war in the first place.
01:06:08.000 We have a civilian government that controls the military, that makes these decisions for the military.
01:06:12.000 The military just carries out orders.
01:06:14.000 That's how our government works.
01:06:16.000 The military has a job to do.
01:06:17.000 If you send them into a war zone, they're going to get the job done. 1.00
01:06:20.000 And a lot of guys, I know, I went to Afghanistan, but I know enough people in the armed forces.
01:06:26.000 A lot of men in the armed forces and women have an ideology that they believe in. 0.97
01:06:31.000 It's this country, it's the things that they'll do, and they come in, they're loyal servants, they risk their fucking lives, and they go do their job. 0.89
01:06:37.000 And a lot of them get maimed, they lose their arms, they lose their friends, and everything else. 0.90
01:06:41.000 I think that when you start to look at how this war's gone over the past 11 years, and I'm talking about Afghanistan and Iraq.
01:06:47.000 You've got to be very, very conscientious about not only how this really started, who were the architects, who was the intellectual force, who was the argument behind it, how did this happen, how did this turn into a huge snowball, and the reason you should know about that is because your lives and other people's lives depend on it in the future.
01:07:09.000 Yeah, we just don't feel like they do now.
01:07:11.000 We'll get ourselves into another situation.
01:07:13.000 It's not weird, though.
01:07:15.000 That's what's really going on.
01:07:16.000 I'm sorry?
01:07:16.000 It's not we're going to get ourselves into another situation.
01:07:19.000 Somebody else is going to do it.
01:07:20.000 Well, my buddy, I think I put it on Red Band's thing, on Best Squad, but my buddy who I interviewed, who's a special forces guy, who's a real, I don't know what he does, but I know he's very much involved.
01:07:32.000 He was the baddest guy I ever knew growing up.
01:07:34.000 And he said, he just said about the war effort, he watched what's happening, he'd been in Iraq for, I guess, seven years, and he said, Iraq is a country now, we've created a mini Saddam and this guy Maliki. 0.93
01:07:46.000 He's a Shiite.
01:07:48.000 He's got police squads that report directly to him.
01:07:52.000 So we go into Iraq, there's this notion that, well, he's got the fourth largest army in the world.
01:07:57.000 We've got to stop him from dropping a weapon in al-Qaeda's hands.
01:08:00.000 Those are the arguments and stuff.
01:08:01.000 What we've done in some ways, if you look at Iraq, with the exception of Kurdistan and stuff, is that we've really destroyed that country. 1.00
01:08:08.000 A lot of people are dead.
01:08:09.000 And we've put into place somebody who is keeping his people or has the potential of keeping his people. 0.69
01:08:15.000 In the same kind of oppression, technically, as Saddam did. 0.84
01:08:19.000 Now, what is the objective?
01:08:21.000 What are we doing?
01:08:22.000 Was this worth it? 1.00
01:08:23.000 Was it worth killing all those people?
01:08:25.000 Was it worth all those soldiers who didn't come back and many more who were wounded?
01:08:28.000 That's the question.
01:08:29.000 And more importantly, what lessons can be learned?
01:08:32.000 What do we have to learn from Iraq and Afghanistan?
01:08:36.000 What do we have to learn so we don't get ourselves into the situation again?
01:08:39.000 Sometimes war is inevitable, man.
01:08:41.000 It is.
01:08:41.000 That wasn't an inevitable one.
01:08:43.000 That was one that we got tricked into.
01:08:45.000 Okay.
01:08:46.000 But how do we not get tricked the next time?
01:08:49.000 Well, we have the internet now.
01:08:50.000 I think we have a completely different sort of playing field than what existed back when Bush and Cheney dragged us into the Iraq War.
01:08:58.000 I think the internet has evolved far past where it is.
01:09:01.000 That's why things like WikiLeaks are so terrifying to the powers that be. 1.00
01:09:05.000 It's real hard to get away with shit. 0.98
01:09:07.000 Even with the internet, though, there's so much countervailing information, too. 1.00
01:09:10.000 Like, you get one argument and you get another.
01:09:11.000 Yeah, but that's just debate.
01:09:13.000 I'm talking about straight information.
01:09:16.000 I think that the access to information is ultimately changing the world that we live in.
01:09:21.000 And it's happening so quickly.
01:09:22.000 And these kind of conversations really weren't commonplace when we were kids.
01:09:27.000 When we were 16 and 17, our parents weren't having these kind of conversations.
01:09:30.000 They just weren't.
01:09:32.000 It's a different world.
01:09:33.000 We know more about how things work. 0.94
01:09:36.000 And because of that, it makes it harder and harder to accomplish fuckery. 0.97
01:09:40.000 It's still going on right now, but ultimately it's got to die off.
01:09:45.000 In order for us to have any sort of religious society, we're going to have to evolve past that and realize, just as you and I realize as friends and as members of our community, that it's not necessary.
01:09:57.000 And that kind of energy that you put out to control people and to profit from other people's losses Is totally non-beneficial to you as well.
01:10:10.000 Just because you're pulling it off into the guise of a corporation doesn't mean that you are immune to the negative rebound of that.
01:10:18.000 Because you're not.
01:10:19.000 And you want to call it karma.
01:10:20.000 You want to call it what goes around comes around.
01:10:23.000 Whatever you want to call it.
01:10:23.000 It's real.
01:10:24.000 I have experienced it.
01:10:26.000 I am walking proof of it.
01:10:28.000 My whole life is proof of it.
01:10:30.000 I have been...
01:10:32.000 The negative things that I've ever done in my life, I have felt...
01:10:38.000 In great deep detail and rebounded as much as possible to turn that terrible feeling into positive energy.
01:10:48.000 And that is why I've been a happy person my whole life.
01:10:52.000 But do you think that's because, because I always wonder, I try to help people, a friend of mine who's going through a tough time now, and I realize that one of the reasons that he's Going through a hard time is he's not in any way actually really confronted and asked himself what he wants.
01:11:07.000 Yeah, you can't get a guy to do that though.
01:11:10.000 But don't you think that part of your success is the fact that you've always been able to see in Technicolor what you wanted and what you wanted to be or...
01:11:18.000 Well, you know what it is?
01:11:21.000 First of all, it's just pressing forward.
01:11:24.000 That's constant. 0.96
01:11:24.000 That constant need to write new shit, to do different things, that constant need to be in motion, the constant need to be doing something, whether it's doing jujitsu or playing pool or writing more jokes or getting on stage, that forward momentum... 0.96
01:11:40.000 That is a constant. 0.97
01:11:41.000 That is the reason why I've done everything.
01:11:45.000 That's like passion, right?
01:11:46.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:11:46.000 And you can transfer it.
01:11:48.000 It's like the Miyamoto Musashi quote.
01:11:49.000 Once you understand the way broadly, you can see it in all things.
01:11:52.000 It's like the idea that once you lock on to what it is to really focus and get good at something, But it's also that it's really satisfying to accomplish things.
01:12:02.000 It's really satisfying to write things.
01:12:04.000 It's really satisfying to do shows.
01:12:05.000 I don't even know why I did it, but I've always wanted to play the drums, so I've been taking drums for a year now.
01:12:11.000 It's actually changed not only my comedy, but my sports. 0.97
01:12:15.000 I pick up on shit really fast now. 0.99
01:12:17.000 Wow. 0.99
01:12:18.000 Because with the drums, I'm having to do something, one thing with my foot, one thing with this and one thing with this and one with this.
01:12:23.000 So my brain is...
01:12:24.000 Firing.
01:12:25.000 It's firing.
01:12:26.000 So it's changed the way I read.
01:12:27.000 It's changed the way I do stand-up.
01:12:29.000 It's really wild.
01:12:31.000 It's a really good mental...
01:12:32.000 And I'm listening differently.
01:12:33.000 I'm never going to be in a band, by the way.
01:12:35.000 Right, but you're just enjoying it.
01:12:36.000 I'm just enjoying it.
01:12:37.000 I love that.
01:12:37.000 I think that's very important to life.
01:12:39.000 And I think a lot of people, like, there's like a lot of people that have falsely rewarded being a lazy cunt. 0.98
01:12:46.000 And they're like, I'd rather just sit in front of the TV, chill with my beers, watch TV. Let me tell you something. 0.99
01:12:52.000 This is the real reality of life.
01:12:54.000 If you don't earn something, you won't appreciate it.
01:12:59.000 It's why people win the lottery and they lose all their money within a year.
01:13:02.000 When you earn something, you appreciate it.
01:13:05.000 It is a golden, steadfast rule of life.
01:13:10.000 And if you're laying around on the couch watching TV and you haven't done anything to deserve that-- It doesn't feel good.
01:13:16.000 It doesn't feel good.
01:13:17.000 It doesn't. 1.00
01:13:18.000 You feel like a fucking loser. 1.00
01:13:19.000 But when I do something, if I write and I blast out three or four hours of really good shit and I'm like, yes, I feel good. 1.00
01:13:27.000 I feel fired up. 0.95
01:13:29.000 I can't wait to do a show.
01:13:30.000 I can go watch TV and I can enjoy it. 1.00
01:13:32.000 I can go watch Mountain Men and I enjoy watching these fucking guys. 0.99
01:13:36.000 Here's what I think works for me. 0.99
01:13:38.000 I sit down and I go like this.
01:13:39.000 I go, what do I want to do and what am I going to regret not doing when I'm 90?
01:13:45.000 I say to myself, I go, what do I really want to do?
01:13:47.000 And I go, and what do I want to do in three months or six months and stuff like that?
01:13:50.000 And then I literally, I structure my day, and I think you can do this no matter who you are.
01:13:54.000 You structure your day so you go, you wake up every morning, you go, what action?
01:13:58.000 Just one action, maybe two actions, whatever.
01:14:00.000 What action can I take today just to get a little closer to that That goal.
01:14:05.000 I just want it just to get a little closer.
01:14:07.000 Whatever it is.
01:14:08.000 Maybe it's 20 minutes of practicing your takedowns or whatever it might be.
01:14:11.000 I want to get my black belt in jiu-jitsu.
01:14:13.000 I want to be able to play drums in a band.
01:14:15.000 Whatever it might be.
01:14:16.000 I want to be able to speak a language. 0.99
01:14:18.000 Who the fuck's calling me during my podcast? 1.00
01:14:20.000 God damn it. 1.00
01:14:22.000 It's Brian Redband. 0.99
01:14:23.000 Maybe he's calling to tell me that the show's down.
01:14:28.000 Hey, Boo, you're live on the air.
01:14:29.000 His mic's out?
01:14:35.000 out.
01:14:37.000 It's really quiet.
01:14:38.000 Well, he keeps backing up.
01:14:39.000 That's what it is.
01:14:41.000 Yeah.
01:14:43.000 Sorry, guys.
01:14:44.000 Oh, really? 1.00
01:14:44.000 Yeah, you can't be talking back there all casual, bitch. 1.00
01:14:47.000 Okay, I gotta get in. 0.99
01:14:47.000 Thanks, Brian. 0.99
01:14:48.000 This is technical information delivered via telephone, ladies and gentlemen.
01:14:52.000 Brian Redband on the scene.
01:14:54.000 Follow him, Redband on Twitter.
01:14:56.000 Alright, buddy.
01:14:56.000 And me, Brian Callen.
01:14:58.000 At Brian Callen on Twitter.
01:14:59.000 I respond to all my Twitters.
01:15:01.000 By the way, I wasn't saying anything very important.
01:15:04.000 But this idea that we were talking about before of community, of all influencing each other in a positive way, that gets lost in big numbers.
01:15:15.000 And the problem is we could have a great tribe of like 50 people and keep it together and have the most awesome utopia.
01:15:22.000 As I've heard Boulder described, Boulder is like a really small mountain community, but it's so small, it really almost is like a functional working utopia.
01:15:31.000 But I think that we could do that, it's possible to do that as a country.
01:15:35.000 We just have to get more people...
01:15:38.000 In tune to thinking correctly.
01:15:40.000 And most people are just never taught how to think.
01:15:44.000 They're never taught that they can manage their consciousness.
01:15:46.000 They've never been taught that there are patterns that a mind can go down that's self-destructive, completely self-destructive, and also totally unnecessary.
01:15:56.000 And you have to learn, like, all the times I've blown my cool for nothing, and still do, I mean, I might be in my car, Retard! 0.99
01:16:03.000 And hit the horn and fucking pass somebody. 0.98
01:16:05.000 It's just so pointless. 1.00
01:16:07.000 So stupid. 1.00
01:16:08.000 I freaked out today at the airport. 1.00
01:16:09.000 And it's almost always a sign that I'm doing too much.
01:16:11.000 It's always a sign of some sort of external stress it's affecting, you know, whatever it is.
01:16:16.000 But when you can see that, if you can see that, and if you can go in the right direction, if we could fucking influence a giant group of people to go in the right direction...
01:16:29.000 Then you really can change something.
01:16:32.000 You really can change people.
01:16:34.000 That starts with individuals really asking themselves what they want.
01:16:37.000 It starts with inspiration.
01:16:39.000 It doesn't always start with individuals asking themselves what they want.
01:16:42.000 Sometimes it starts with inspiration where you realize there's no difference between them and me. 0.97
01:16:47.000 They were losers too. 0.99
01:16:48.000 I've been a loser. 1.00
01:16:50.000 I've been a fucking failure in my life. 1.00
01:16:53.000 Hardcore. 1.00
01:16:55.000 I've had people say, did you ever bomb on stage?
01:16:57.000 I'm like, oh my Christ, did I bomb?
01:16:59.000 I've bombed so hard.
01:17:01.000 I've bombed so hard.
01:17:02.000 No one who ever watched me that day would have ever thought that I could ever be funny.
01:17:07.000 Ever.
01:17:07.000 I had a girl send me a short film.
01:17:10.000 Her name is Diana.
01:17:12.000 And she sent me a film.
01:17:14.000 And she wrote basically a movie, a short film about her experience with a guy.
01:17:20.000 On a date.
01:17:21.000 And the guy was me.
01:17:22.000 She never told me that, but she sent it to me.
01:17:24.000 And all the lines the guy was saying were lines I had said to her.
01:17:30.000 And let me tell you something, man.
01:17:31.000 I called her up and I went, Diana, I go, I'm so sorry. 1.00
01:17:34.000 I was such a fucking arrogant prick. 0.99
01:17:37.000 I was such a dick because I didn't even understand. 1.00
01:17:39.000 You were a woman and I had a projected notion of what you were, what you thought. 1.00
01:17:43.000 And I thought I was so much smarter than you were. 1.00
01:17:46.000 And you were looking at me like I was a guinea pig in a fucking maze. 1.00
01:17:49.000 Like a rat in a maze. 1.00
01:17:51.000 Literally like, look at this monkey. 1.00
01:17:53.000 Talk to me like I'm an idiot. 1.00
01:17:54.000 Trying to fuck me. 1.00
01:17:55.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00
01:17:56.000 And he's just hitting me with all these things and he's just a dick. 0.99
01:17:59.000 Literally, I looked at it and I was just appalled. 0.99
01:18:01.000 I was appalled at who I was.
01:18:03.000 And it's just because I didn't know any better.
01:18:05.000 I just didn't.
01:18:05.000 I had preconceived notions of what women were, preconceived notions of how they thought, preconceived notions of what a man was supposed to be.
01:18:12.000 And they're all fucked up. 0.98
01:18:13.000 By the time you get to your 20s and you're having experiences with women, these are not. 0.99
01:18:19.000 First of all, social experiences when you're involving people that are sexually attracted to each other are very complicated.
01:18:24.000 They're very awkward.
01:18:25.000 There's plenty of room for misunderstanding.
01:18:28.000 There's plenty of room for offending people, putting out bad vibes, being too forward, being too...
01:18:34.000 It's a very strange sort of a situation anyway.
01:18:38.000 So we're not good at navigating it. 1.00
01:18:41.000 When you're young, especially, you say the dumbest fucking shit. 1.00
01:18:45.000 And most of the time, you fucking hate yourself after it's over. 1.00
01:18:49.000 You didn't want to do that. 0.99
01:18:51.000 It's like you being thrown in a Major League Baseball game and someone telling you to hit that ball. 1.00
01:18:56.000 That fucking thing's flying at me! 1.00
01:18:58.000 That's exactly right. 1.00
01:18:59.000 You're really not prepared for that extreme experience.
01:19:02.000 There's no manual for life.
01:19:04.000 Well, not only that.
01:19:05.000 I don't know how much your parents taught you, but how much did your parents teach you about dating?
01:19:10.000 Nothing.
01:19:11.000 Zero! 0.90
01:19:11.000 I was just talking about that with my son. 0.90
01:19:13.000 I wasn't really taught women the complexity of the female psyche. 0.98
01:19:18.000 I'm definitely going to have to have a talk with my son about that.
01:19:20.000 Oh yeah, that's going to be...
01:19:22.000 It's so important to try to...
01:19:27.000 Actually raise a kid that can understand what's next on the horizon.
01:19:32.000 Give them like a little heads up of like, this is what I went through. 0.94
01:19:35.000 That would fucking help a lot. 0.99
01:19:37.000 But when it comes to dating, my fucking parents didn't give me any dating advice. 0.99
01:19:41.000 Also because you're also given a very weird archetypal notion of what masculinity is too. 0.99
01:19:47.000 That's also like being...
01:19:48.000 I didn't even know what a man defined was.
01:19:51.000 It was difficult.
01:19:51.000 I had an example.
01:19:52.000 To everybody, it's different.
01:19:54.000 That's what I mean.
01:19:56.000 This is what I believe a man is.
01:19:57.000 A person who does what he wants and what makes him happy as long as he's not hurting other people. 0.97
01:20:02.000 Who actually follows through and does what he wants as opposed to someone who's someone's bitch. 1.00
01:20:06.000 Let me tell you something. 1.00
01:20:07.000 If you're a gay guy and you're not out there blowing guys because you're worried about what other people think, you're somebody's bitch. 1.00
01:20:13.000 Right. 1.00
01:20:13.000 Whether you realize it or not, you're the bitch of all the prejudiced people that want to stop people from being gay. 1.00
01:20:19.000 And if you're a man, you'll go out there and suck some cock. 1.00
01:20:22.000 That's reality. 1.00
01:20:23.000 That's true.
01:20:24.000 Because that's what life is.
01:20:25.000 What I like, you probably don't.
01:20:27.000 But it's my right to like what I like.
01:20:29.000 And being a man is going after what you like. 0.99
01:20:32.000 And if you want to fucking take the easy way out and take some job that you know you can do instead of pursue a career in writing books or pursue a career racing horses, whatever the fuck you're compelled to... 0.97
01:20:44.000 Steven Pressfield in Going Pro had the best example. 0.98
01:20:47.000 He said, you may have your degree in comparative literature, you may have a PhD in comparative literature and teach comparative literature, but guess what?
01:20:53.000 You should have written a novel.
01:20:54.000 So that's just a form of high-tech procrastination.
01:20:57.000 So you're right.
01:20:58.000 It's really a question of Going for what you want. 0.99
01:21:01.000 A real man can be a guy who fights in the cage or a guy who's a nurse in a fucking hospital. 0.82
01:21:08.000 Whatever it is that you're doing, whatever you're supposed to do, wherever you're supposed to place your energy, giving, helping, and growing. 0.96
01:21:16.000 That's what we need to teach kids.
01:21:17.000 There's no better or worse.
01:21:20.000 If you're supposed to be a carpenter, if you really enjoy it.
01:21:23.000 I have a buddy who's a carpenter back home. 0.99
01:21:25.000 He fucking loves it. 0.98
01:21:26.000 He loves buildings. 0.99
01:21:27.000 He loves the art of putting together a great room.
01:21:30.000 He loves it when it's done.
01:21:32.000 He loves that he can...
01:21:33.000 You look in this room and it's all mapped out.
01:21:35.000 You're following the architect's plans.
01:21:37.000 You're laying down things. 0.99
01:21:38.000 Next thing you know, three months later, whatever it is, look at the fucking awesome kitchen you guys. 1.00
01:21:42.000 Holy shit! 1.00
01:21:43.000 He gets a deep feeling of satisfaction from that. 1.00
01:21:46.000 And he makes a good living.
01:21:47.000 He's got a good company doing that.
01:21:48.000 But it's because that's what he's passionate about.
01:21:51.000 It's because he actually enjoys his work. 0.97
01:21:53.000 And it doesn't matter if it's that or if it's being in a fucking band or if it's being a stand-up or whatever it is. 1.00
01:21:59.000 If you don't follow that shit, that's when you're fucking yourself, man. 1.00
01:22:04.000 Our dear friend Sam Sheridan said... 1.00
01:22:07.000 He goes, I was talking about how I was watching UFC. Every time I watched it, a little part of me dies because I want to be a fighter.
01:22:12.000 No, you don't.
01:22:13.000 No, I know.
01:22:14.000 But that's what he said.
01:22:14.000 He goes, Brian, you are supposed to and have always been supposed to be a stand-up comic, dude.
01:22:21.000 You found what you're supposed to do.
01:22:22.000 You were not supposed to be a fighter or anything else.
01:22:25.000 Do you remember when you weren't doing comedy?
01:22:26.000 Yeah.
01:22:27.000 I remember you told me, you go, you're missing out on the best thing in the world.
01:22:29.000 What are you doing?
01:22:30.000 I got back into it because of you.
01:22:32.000 But I also, I remember watching Dane Cook back in the day and I was like, that dude is crushing a room and I want, I got to get back into this.
01:22:38.000 You wanted a crush.
01:22:40.000 I just loved, I loved it.
01:22:41.000 I was like watching him have so much fun.
01:22:42.000 Why did you stop?
01:22:44.000 I don't know, because I'm crazy.
01:22:46.000 Well, you weren't doing real stand-up when I first met you. 0.99
01:22:48.000 I couldn't get spots, and I was like, fuck it, and I was trying to be an actor. 0.97
01:22:52.000 We first started hanging out, you had this act that was like, you had taken every alternative act that you saw and tried to duplicate it. 0.98
01:23:00.000 And I remember talking to you about it, going, that isn't even you, man.
01:23:02.000 What are you doing? 0.99
01:23:03.000 You're going up there, and you're doing what these fucking weirdo, judgmental dorks want you to do. 1.00
01:23:11.000 You're doing what you think they're going to enjoy from you. 0.98
01:23:14.000 That's what's so satisfying to me now, especially about the stuff I'm doing now.
01:23:17.000 You're being yourself.
01:23:18.000 This weekend at the American Comedy Club.
01:23:20.000 San Diego.
01:23:21.000 Amazing club, by the way.
01:23:22.000 And it's filled with great comedy.
01:23:24.000 If you're living in San Diego, San Diego finally has a real comedy club.
01:23:29.000 And in Chicago, August 23rd.
01:23:31.000 They have national headliners there every weekend.
01:23:33.000 The Comedy Store in La Jolla is a great club, but you could get fucked there and they could send down one of those old school headliners from the 1970s that hasn't written a joke in 100 years and doesn't work anywhere else other than the Comedy Store.
01:23:43.000 They'll send those down to La Jolla on account. 0.64
01:23:45.000 I don't know if they're still doing that, but back in the day, you would look at the lineup and go, oh my god, no, that's the headliner?
01:23:52.000 No!
01:23:53.000 You almost wanted to call the people and go, please, just stay on.
01:23:56.000 Because that show would be so bad, they would never want to go see stand-up comedy again.
01:24:00.000 No, and it's true.
01:24:01.000 As you get older and if you're trying to do something, what happens, I think, what's supposed to happen as you become a comic is you start stripping away all that other stuff and more and more of who you really are is kind of expressed.
01:24:14.000 That's what's so satisfying to me, you know?
01:24:17.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:24:18.000 You're learning how to talk on stage.
01:24:20.000 Yeah.
01:24:20.000 Instead of, you were just like, when I first met you, you were doing this fake thing.
01:24:25.000 Pouring rabbits out of hats. 0.99
01:24:26.000 And then you became just this really silly guy. 1.00
01:24:28.000 It was really silly. 1.00
01:24:29.000 But I was always weirded out by the fact that you were so silly, but then we would have these deep, fucking intense conversations. 0.99
01:24:34.000 And I was like, where's that on stage? 0.99
01:24:36.000 And then I thought about it.
01:24:37.000 I'm like, well, you know, that's a choice.
01:24:38.000 That's an artistic thing.
01:24:40.000 Like, look at Hedberg, one of my favorite comics ever.
01:24:43.000 And there's no message in that.
01:24:44.000 It was all silliness.
01:24:45.000 And there's nothing wrong with that. 0.99
01:24:46.000 I'm a silly goose. 0.97
01:24:48.000 There's a large part of me that's always, I can't help it. 0.91
01:24:50.000 But it's funny that you're so intense often.
01:24:52.000 It's like there's a real balance to that.
01:24:54.000 And it's a good quality that you have that is missing in a lot of men where they somehow or another equate weakness with silly.
01:25:01.000 Yeah, because I think the biggest mistake a man can make is taking himself seriously.
01:25:07.000 Don't take yourself too seriously, man.
01:25:08.000 There's always somebody faster, stronger, funnier, better, smarter. 0.96
01:25:11.000 Just do only what you can do and always don't be afraid to fucking take the pressure off yourself, man. 0.96
01:25:17.000 Don't be afraid to kind of just make fun of yourself. 0.93
01:25:20.000 There's nothing wrong with it.
01:25:21.000 There's a lot of power in that.
01:25:23.000 Yeah, you don't understand that when you try to not take the hits, that the rebounds double, triple the effect.
01:25:30.000 Because you're not learning.
01:25:32.000 Not only are you not taking the hit, but you're not learning from the hit.
01:25:36.000 Because every time you take the hit, it makes you better. 0.99
01:25:38.000 You gotta take the hit emotionally, you gotta take the hit psychologically, you gotta take the hit with your ego, you gotta fucking fail in life. 0.98
01:25:45.000 It's an important ingredient to success. 0.98
01:25:49.000 Don't you agree?
01:25:50.000 I 100% agree with that.
01:25:52.000 As you were talking, I was thinking about the other thing you get from it, which is when you allow yourself to be a little bit of a silly goose or you allow yourself to be vulnerable or whatever it is and make fun of yourself, what will happen is that people around you feel safer.
01:26:10.000 Yes.
01:26:10.000 And what they'll do is they won't be on their guard.
01:26:12.000 Because a lot of times we come at a situation, if you come at a situation from a power angle or whatever, that person's guard will go up immediately and you won't see who they really are.
01:26:20.000 Well, think about this. 0.99
01:26:21.000 How disappointing is it when you meet someone and you have like a level of adulation for them, you know, they're famous, you're a fan, and they're a dick. 0.98
01:26:30.000 The rebound is stunning. 0.97
01:26:33.000 Yeah, it is.
01:26:34.000 It's stunning and hurtful.
01:26:36.000 I mean, it's incredible.
01:26:37.000 But on the other side, when you approach someone and they're like really normal and nice, what a warm feeling that is.
01:26:44.000 Because you're coming at them in an unfair way.
01:26:48.000 It's like we had Bert Kreischer on the Ice House Chronicles and he was talking about his experience with Gene Simmons. 1.00
01:26:52.000 And apparently he did that show, The X Show, and Gene Simmons was a fucking complete cunt to him. 0.97
01:26:58.000 And Gene Simmons told him not to talk, told him he wouldn't be interviewing him, that he was going to make this girl interview him. 0.99
01:27:04.000 And he was a huge Kiss fan before this.
01:27:07.000 So when this happened, it was completely devastating to Burt.
01:27:11.000 And having Burt relay this, and then having all of us share experiences, like I was talking about, I met Robin Williams last week.
01:27:18.000 But he was like real normal, like real nice guy. 0.99
01:27:20.000 But it was still, it was fucking Robin Williams. 0.99
01:27:22.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:27:23.000 You know what I mean?
01:27:23.000 He didn't have to be normal.
01:27:24.000 He didn't have to be a nice guy.
01:27:26.000 It could have been weird because when you meet someone like that, there's a weird imbalance.
01:27:30.000 If you're talking to Tom Cruise, I don't care how many gay jokes you have in the back of your head, those won't pop into your head when you meet them. 0.99
01:27:35.000 You'll be like, holy shit, I hope he likes me. 0.99
01:27:37.000 I did a reading with him for three hours and I spent an hour and a half with him at a party and believe me, I was like, maybe he'll be my best friend. 0.99
01:27:45.000 And by the way, and by the way, I'm a straight guy.
01:27:48.000 I think he's straight, actually. 1.00
01:27:49.000 Shut your fucking mouth. 1.00
01:27:50.000 But all I know is I'm looking at him going, he's a really good looking guy. 1.00
01:27:53.000 I was like, you know what?
01:27:54.000 He's Tom Cruise.
01:27:54.000 I mean, we're really, we're talking.
01:27:56.000 We're having a good conversation.
01:27:57.000 If Tom Cruise wanted to like, he was like, hey, I'll be your best friend.
01:28:00.000 You make out with me for 10 minutes.
01:28:01.000 I'd be like, I got to think about it.
01:28:03.000 Would you make out with Tom Cruise?
01:28:04.000 I'd have to think about it because then I could be best friends with him.
01:28:06.000 Well, I think that is, hold on, hold on.
01:28:08.000 Would I make out with Tom Cruise?
01:28:11.000 1,000% as a straight man.
01:28:13.000 You know why?
01:28:14.000 Because I'd be able to tell you about it. 0.99
01:28:15.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 0.99
01:28:17.000 Are you kidding? 1.00
01:28:18.000 What?
01:28:19.000 Yeah.
01:28:19.000 For the record.
01:28:20.000 For the record.
01:28:21.000 Open mouth.
01:28:22.000 I'd be like, Tom, come over here.
01:28:23.000 By the way, he's kind of pretty.
01:28:24.000 He's kind of pretty.
01:28:25.000 So yes, I would.
01:28:26.000 Would you enforce your weight on him a little bit and press him backwards just to make him a little bend to your will a little bit?
01:28:32.000 Without question.
01:28:33.000 But I'd also be looking.
01:28:34.000 You'd be the first phone call I'd make.
01:28:37.000 You'd be the first phone call I'd make.
01:28:38.000 I'd go, dude, sit down for a second.
01:28:39.000 I've got something to tell you.
01:28:41.000 I'm a straight man.
01:28:42.000 I bub-slapped, and I mean bub-slapped for 10 minutes with Tom Cruise.
01:28:47.000 And his hands were roaming.
01:28:48.000 We can make that happen with John Travolta.
01:28:50.000 We just have to put you in the proximity.
01:28:51.000 Can't do it.
01:28:52.000 You wouldn't do it with John?
01:28:53.000 No, no. 0.99
01:28:53.000 Because he's too gay. 0.99
01:28:54.000 He's gay, yeah. 0.99
01:28:55.000 I can't. 0.55
01:28:55.000 I'm not going to make out. 0.55
01:28:56.000 It's like when my agent sent me a thing to audition for Queer as Folk, which was that show on Showtime.
01:29:02.000 And the first thing was I have to be making out with this guy.
01:29:05.000 I was like, listen.
01:29:06.000 I call my agent and I go, look, I'm not a homophobe.
01:29:08.000 I'm really not.
01:29:08.000 And I'm actually in favor of gay marriage and all that.
01:29:11.000 I go, but you've got to know who I am.
01:29:14.000 I'm Brian Callen and I'm a straight guy. 0.99
01:29:16.000 And if you think I'm waking up every fucking morning at 6 a.m. 1.00
01:29:19.000 and going to set and making out with some dude after getting rid of my coffee breath, you're out of your fucking mind. 1.00
01:29:25.000 And there's not enough money that I would do that with. 1.00
01:29:27.000 Here's the problem.
01:29:29.000 This is one of the reasons why I wouldn't be into doing it.
01:29:31.000 It's not that I'm not open-minded, but I don't like watching guys kiss.
01:29:35.000 So, I don't want to do a movie where guys kiss.
01:29:38.000 I'm squeamish about it.
01:29:39.000 Because that's not my kind of movie.
01:29:39.000 I'm squeamish about it.
01:29:40.000 You wanted me to do a movie where I turned into a werewolf?
01:29:42.000 I'm down.
01:29:43.000 I never saw Brokeback Mountain, actually.
01:29:45.000 I saw it.
01:29:45.000 It was awesome.
01:29:46.000 I had a great five-minute bit about it. 0.99
01:29:47.000 It was fucking awesome. 0.99
01:29:48.000 Fucking hilarious. 0.98
01:29:49.000 I laughed through so much of that movie. 0.98
01:29:51.000 A child, you know why?
01:29:52.000 Because I enjoyed it.
01:29:53.000 And people were, there was a lot, I had this conversation with somebody like, you know, like, well, you know, it's because of your narrow-minded point of view that you didn't enjoy it. 0.97
01:29:59.000 I enjoyed the fuck out of it. 0.98
01:30:01.000 I bet I enjoyed it more than you. 0.97
01:30:03.000 Yeah.
01:30:03.000 Okay, because I enjoyed it as, even if, yes, it is a beautiful love story and it is sad and oddly romantic.
01:30:09.000 Yeah.
01:30:09.000 It's still also hilarious.
01:30:11.000 I enjoyed both aspects of it. 0.99
01:30:13.000 I'm not close-minded or homophobic, but I enjoyed the love thing that they had going on, but I also enjoyed giggling like a fucking schoolchild every time they were kissing each other. 0.98
01:30:22.000 In your bit, I remember you were like, two men making out is in fact hilarious. 0.98
01:30:26.000 Yeah, it's hilarious.
01:30:28.000 There's nothing wrong with it being funny.
01:30:30.000 It's not like I'm telling you not to do it. 1.00
01:30:31.000 But if you're telling me there should be less funny in the world, you can go fuck yourself. 1.00
01:30:35.000 Exactly. 1.00
01:30:35.000 And if you're telling me that what you want to do, if I think it's funny, hurts you, I think you're a bitch. 1.00
01:30:41.000 Okay? 1.00
01:30:42.000 Because if you start making fun of having sex with girls, I'm not going to get hurt. 0.99
01:30:48.000 Well, you're a majority. 0.99
01:30:49.000 They're a minority. 0.99
01:30:50.000 Get the fuck over it. 1.00
01:30:51.000 If you like fucking guys, you should laugh your ass off when dudes talk about you fucking guys. 1.00
01:30:56.000 Because that's what you enjoy. 1.00
01:30:58.000 Humor is the greatest fucking equalizer. 0.99
01:31:00.000 Speaking of which, you'll kill me, but I have to go to the 10-minute podcast. 1.00
01:31:03.000 The 10-minute podcast can go fuck itself, dude. 0.98
01:31:05.000 I know, but I've got to do it because they're waiting for me and I've got to be there at 7. Yeah, you're going to be late. 0.99
01:31:08.000 You're going to be late more. 0.98
01:31:09.000 I'm already going to be late and they're going to kill me. 0.94
01:31:11.000 They'll be fine.
01:31:11.000 No, they're not.
01:31:12.000 They'll be fine.
01:31:13.000 We're on the internet, man.
01:31:15.000 Listen, we have to keep it rolling for a little while longer.
01:31:17.000 I've got to go do the 10-minute podcast.
01:31:18.000 We have so much to talk about you being in the American Comedy Company in San Diego this weekend.
01:31:21.000 Yes, I'll be at the American Comedy Club.
01:31:23.000 Comedy.
01:31:24.000 It's American Comedy Company.
01:31:26.000 Isn't it?
01:31:26.000 That's what it's called, right?
01:31:27.000 Or is it the American Comedy Club?
01:31:29.000 You might be right.
01:31:29.000 It's the American Comedy Club in San Diego.
01:31:31.000 Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
01:31:32.000 And I'll be at the Chicago Improv, everybody.
01:31:35.000 Chicago Improv, August 23rd, 24th, 25th. 0.85
01:31:37.000 Now you're confusing the fuck out of people, dude.
01:31:39.000 Don't ever say more than one.
01:31:41.000 Just one, right?
01:31:41.000 Just one.
01:31:42.000 It's American Comedy Company.
01:31:44.000 Oh, it is?
01:31:45.000 Yes, American Comedy Company.
01:31:46.000 I can't wait.
01:31:46.000 It's in San Diego, California.
01:31:49.000 Thursday, Friday. 0.99
01:31:49.000 It is a fucking awesome club. 0.99
01:31:51.000 It's one of those really low-ceiling, intimate clubs that, you know, like the Comedy Works in Denver, like the old Comedy Connection. 0.99
01:32:01.000 I love the Comedy Works in Denver.
01:32:02.000 Oh, yeah.
01:32:02.000 It's as good as it gets.
01:32:04.000 Me and Doug Benson and Brendan Walsh, we were in town, and you were there, too, at the Paramount, and one of the things we were saying, we were walking by the Comedy Works, like, There's no better club.
01:32:14.000 There's never been a better club invented than the Comedy Works in Denver.
01:32:16.000 It's perfect size.
01:32:18.000 It's the perfect height.
01:32:19.000 The chairs don't move.
01:32:21.000 Nobody can move their chair under your foot.
01:32:23.000 The chairs are locked in place.
01:32:24.000 There's a table in between each chair. 1.00
01:32:26.000 Sit the fuck down. 1.00
01:32:27.000 Here's the show. 1.00
01:32:28.000 Everybody's packed in there.
01:32:29.000 The wait staff's awesome.
01:32:31.000 The shows are fantastic.
01:32:32.000 You walk by the Comedy Works.
01:32:33.000 You look and you see one headliner after another.
01:32:36.000 National name after national name.
01:32:37.000 And she's an individual.
01:32:39.000 She's not like the improv.
01:32:40.000 She's not a part of a giant corporation. 1.00
01:32:42.000 Wendy is She's the shit. 1.00
01:32:43.000 She's great. 1.00
01:32:43.000 I love that lady. 1.00
01:32:44.000 She's great. 1.00
01:32:44.000 If you're listening, Wendy, you're the shit. 1.00
01:32:46.000 You are the best. 1.00
01:32:46.000 We love you. 1.00
01:32:47.000 We had a great time. 0.99
01:32:48.000 That club is fucking tremendous. 0.98
01:32:49.000 And she's got another one, the landmark one. 0.99
01:32:51.000 I had such a good time.
01:32:52.000 I had such a good time there.
01:32:53.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:32:53.000 Well, Denver is a fucking awesome period, and the Paramount was awesome, too. 0.97
01:32:57.000 And thanks to everybody that came out to the show. 0.94
01:32:57.000 You know what I've always wondered? 0.94
01:32:58.000 I've always wondered, this is going to sound so weird, but I've always wondered, like, with a building like that, with all that laughter over all those years, And then you take something terrible like the torture chambers of Abu Ghraib or something that Saddam kept all his people in and stuff.
01:33:14.000 I wonder what the composition of the walls are.
01:33:17.000 I wonder if there's anything that permeates.
01:33:19.000 I mean, this is hocus-pocus bullshit, but I've always wondered if in some ways the material, like of the organic material, like the wood, would be a different kind of composition than in a torture chamber or something. 0.87
01:33:32.000 I wonder. 0.98
01:33:33.000 All that positive energy versus all that negative energy.
01:33:36.000 Do you ever see that message in the water documentary?
01:33:41.000 Yeah, that turned out to be a fraud.
01:33:42.000 Is that a fraud? 1.00
01:33:43.000 It was all bullshit. 1.00
01:33:44.000 Really? 1.00
01:33:44.000 It killed me. 1.00
01:33:44.000 It was all fucking horse shit. 1.00
01:33:46.000 God damn it. 1.00
01:33:46.000 Yeah, I looked into it. 1.00
01:33:47.000 I was like, oh, you guys were lying to me in that fucking movie. 0.99
01:33:49.000 They lied? 1.00
01:33:50.000 The whole thing was lying? 1.00
01:33:51.000 Yeah, fuck you who made that movie. 1.00
01:33:52.000 Those cunts. 1.00
01:33:54.000 Well, I know that there's places like the Ice House is a perfect example, that there's been so much laughter in that place that it feels good going in. 0.97
01:34:03.000 I don't know if that's my personal association, though, and it very likely could.
01:34:06.000 If you led me into that place from the outside blindfolded and I thought I was in a bakery and, you know...
01:34:11.000 Well, no, you know what?
01:34:12.000 It's all association because my friend, how about this?
01:34:14.000 My friend's a surfer, was a competitive surfer, right?
01:34:18.000 When she hears waves, for most of us waves are like relaxing, her heart starts beating really fast, she gets really nervous.
01:34:24.000 Well, yeah, that totally makes sense.
01:34:26.000 Waves, she gets scared and competitive and she can't relax.
01:34:30.000 She's in fight mode because she knows that she's about to attack a wave. 0.99
01:34:33.000 Well, you know, when I was a kid, for years, I couldn't go to fights because I didn't like the way I felt.
01:34:39.000 That's right.
01:34:39.000 I got real nervous.
01:34:40.000 Me too.
01:34:40.000 I would think that I was supposed to fight next.
01:34:43.000 It was just a weird part of me.
01:34:45.000 I would try to enjoy it, but until I was in my 30s, until I had really resolved the fact that I was no longer going to compete, I would get nervous every time I'd go to a live event.
01:34:56.000 This was the first UFC I've ever been to where I was totally relaxed.
01:34:59.000 Really?
01:35:00.000 I would go to UFCs.
01:35:01.000 The reason I don't go to UFCs, I can always get tickets from you.
01:35:03.000 And by the way, congrats to Donald Cerrone, who came to my stand-up. 0.99
01:35:06.000 That motherfucker's so awesome. 0.99
01:35:08.000 He's so awesome. 0.99
01:35:09.000 And he's a good guy.
01:35:11.000 What a round.
01:35:12.000 That was 70 seconds of craziness, man.
01:35:13.000 One of my favorite things, I was doing stand-up, and they came to the Comedy Works in Denver, and I could see Donald Cerrone's hat going up and down, laughing at my jokes. 0.99
01:35:20.000 And after he goes, dude, my fucking abs. 0.99
01:35:22.000 You gave me a fucking ab workout. 1.00
01:35:24.000 Him and Nate Marquardt. 1.00
01:35:25.000 He's ripped like an underwear model, too. 0.68
01:35:26.000 Yeah, he's a stud.
01:35:27.000 The girls I was with, like my friend's wife and my girl, they were looking at Donald.
01:35:33.000 They were literally like, my friend's wives, they were like, that guy, I just want to touch him. 1.00
01:35:37.000 Yeah, they just wanted some cowboy dick. 1.00
01:35:39.000 They were inappropriate around him. 1.00
01:35:40.000 Because he's a handsome fuck. 1.00
01:35:41.000 Isn't that weird when guys' wives get creeper on dudes like right in front of them? 1.00
01:35:45.000 Yeah, when you've got an alpha male like fucking Donald Trump. 0.99
01:35:48.000 Well, it's not just that. 0.99
01:35:48.000 It's when you have such a disrespectful relationship that a lot of people engage in this like, I'll insult you. 0.99
01:35:53.000 They're so over their relationship.
01:35:54.000 Yeah, well, a lot of people have that weird, I'll insult you, you'll insult me, and you go back and forth a little bit.
01:36:00.000 You're not in each other's corners.
01:36:01.000 You're not looking out for each other.
01:36:03.000 You've got a bad relationship, and you haven't worked it out, and you're not trying to. 0.99
01:36:08.000 You're just stuck in this little fucking insult. 0.99
01:36:10.000 And when they're around men, man, they'll grope on you. 1.00
01:36:12.000 I've had women take pictures and squeeze my ass. 1.00
01:36:13.000 They would come out to me going, I want to talk to him, say hi to him, I want to meet him. 1.00
01:36:16.000 I'm like, your husband's right there. 1.00
01:36:18.000 She's like, look at his ass, look at his ass. 1.00
01:36:19.000 They were all over him. 1.00
01:36:20.000 Well, those kicks that he throws, that's where you have to develop that big, juicy ass. 1.00
01:36:24.000 Stud that he is. 1.00
01:36:24.000 Stud that he is. 1.00
01:36:26.000 Fucking straight. 0.99
01:36:27.000 What a fight that was. 1.00
01:36:27.000 Holy shit, that was a crazy fight. 1.00
01:36:29.000 And it was right when I just got done saying that he has to be very careful. 1.00
01:36:32.000 He can't get overconfident because Melvin can fuck you up with one punch. 0.99
01:36:35.000 Yeah, because he's so explosive. 0.99
01:36:37.000 Oh my god, that left hook Melvin landed too. 0.98
01:36:40.000 And Donald kept it together because he got fucking rocked. 0.97
01:36:44.000 When were you okay after that punch? 0.98
01:36:46.000 And he goes, right now.
01:36:47.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:36:48.000 He was not okay.
01:36:49.000 And he still threw the kick.
01:36:50.000 See, that's how confident he is in his ground game is one of the things about Cerrone.
01:36:54.000 I love that. 0.99
01:36:55.000 He'll fucking let those kicks fly, man. 0.99
01:36:57.000 Because if you take him down, man, his chances are he's going to threaten you from the bottom. 0.99
01:37:01.000 He doesn't get ground and pounded.
01:37:02.000 And he threatens dudes with triangles and arm bars.
01:37:05.000 He's not just long.
01:37:06.000 He goes for it, man.
01:37:08.000 He attacks.
01:37:08.000 He attacks on the ground.
01:37:09.000 So he's not holding back.
01:37:11.000 So he's willing to throw.
01:37:12.000 Even after getting tagged like that, he still throws a head kick.
01:37:16.000 But 55 is such a...
01:37:18.000 I want to see him fight Jose Aldo.
01:37:20.000 At 55. Yeah, well, Aldo is most likely going to move to 55 eventually.
01:37:24.000 He's still young.
01:37:25.000 He's only 25, and he's having a hard time making weight.
01:37:27.000 Although he's had less of a hard time of it lately because he cut back on the weightlifting.
01:37:32.000 He was bulking up in between fights and putting on mass, and then the cut was harder for him.
01:37:39.000 55 is just a division of kids.
01:37:42.000 Pillars.
01:37:42.000 Oh, yeah.
01:37:43.000 Well, so is 45, man.
01:37:44.000 It's all tough.
01:37:45.000 And every weight class is growing.
01:37:47.000 You know, like, 35 is growing now.
01:37:49.000 There's, like, this Eric Perez kid that fought this weekend.
01:37:52.000 There's, like, it's constant. 0.98
01:37:54.000 There's so many fucking good fighters, man. 0.95
01:37:57.000 The whole, like, division, like, the whole UFC, like, every single division is expanding and getting deeper and deeper and deeper. 0.98
01:38:06.000 The heavyweight division is getting deeper and deeper and deeper.
01:38:08.000 They're going to have Cain Velasquez versus Junior Dos Santos on New Year's Eve.
01:38:12.000 Really?
01:38:12.000 Didn't they fire?
01:38:13.000 They fought already.
01:38:14.000 Dude, it's going to be on the 29th or the 30th.
01:38:16.000 Didn't they fire already?
01:38:16.000 Yeah, they're going to have a rematch.
01:38:17.000 Oh, boy.
01:38:18.000 Yeah, after Cain destroyed Bigfoot.
01:38:20.000 Cain just ran through Bigfoot Silva.
01:38:22.000 Just cut him up, blasted him on the ground. 0.89
01:38:25.000 Dos Santos is such a good boss. 1.00
01:38:26.000 Oh, he's scary!
01:38:29.000 I'm glad I'm not a fighter, man.
01:38:31.000 Every time you step in that octagon, you're going to war.
01:38:33.000 Every single time.
01:38:34.000 It's what we talked about earlier.
01:38:35.000 It has to be what you really want to do.
01:38:38.000 It has to be what you're really driven to do.
01:38:40.000 It has to be your calling. 0.98
01:38:42.000 And if it's not your calling, you better get the fuck out of there because there's a guy like Junior Dos Santos on the other end of the ring. 0.98
01:38:46.000 And it is his calling. 0.99
01:38:47.000 When Anderson Silva steps in that cage, he doesn't wish he was in a fucking marachi band. 0.99
01:38:51.000 You know, mariachi, whatever. 1.00
01:38:54.000 He's ready to fuck you up. 1.00
01:38:55.000 That's what he's there for. 1.00
01:38:55.000 That's what he does. 1.00
01:38:56.000 He's not supposed to be doing anything else.
01:38:58.000 Yeah, I just, you know...
01:39:00.000 The margin for error now is so small with these guys.
01:39:04.000 They're so good, some of these guys.
01:39:05.000 The level is insane.
01:39:06.000 The speed difference between, when I was watching, the speed difference between Cerrone and Gallard and the fights before was astronomical.
01:39:15.000 Well, they were both throwing haymakers, you know, and that is part of it, is that they were throwing the kill.
01:39:21.000 They knew each other very well.
01:39:22.000 Yeah, I can't believe Gallard went down that.
01:39:24.000 That was such a vicious thing.
01:39:25.000 He was really hurt.
01:39:26.000 Well, Donald hit him absolutely perfectly.
01:39:28.000 He clanged him with the left shin to the head.
01:39:31.000 He likes that left high kick with the switch.
01:39:33.000 He throws that so well to the head, man.
01:39:36.000 It's such a powerful shot.
01:39:37.000 A lot of guys don't throw it that hard, so there's dudes that stand there, and they'll take one of those on the gloves.
01:39:43.000 They'll kind of recognize that it's coming, but they'll still try to avoid it.
01:39:47.000 You can't do it to Anderson.
01:39:50.000 Rich Franklin tried the high switch kick on Anderson. 0.85
01:39:53.000 Anderson sees it coming, knows what you're going to do, and just...
01:39:55.000 Bends.
01:39:56.000 It slides off your shoulder and he looks right at you. 1.00
01:39:58.000 He's the fucking Matrix. 1.00
01:40:00.000 He's incredible. 1.00
01:40:01.000 But Cerrone's got so much power in it and he's got so much dexterity with his legs.
01:40:06.000 It just clang!
01:40:07.000 It's almost like it's shocking how quick it gets there.
01:40:10.000 He seems so confident in this fight, too.
01:40:12.000 Oh, man.
01:40:12.000 And he was very confident.
01:40:13.000 And then the right hand he landed afterwards was just a bomb.
01:40:17.000 It was just pinpoint.
01:40:18.000 It was like...
01:40:19.000 Boom! 0.99
01:40:20.000 It was like flying at him, all his power, directly on the jaw, and that was the knockout.
01:40:25.000 Who fights Henderson next?
01:40:26.000 Nate does.
01:40:27.000 Nate Diaz does.
01:40:28.000 Oh boy, I love Nate.
01:40:29.000 Yeah, that's going to be incredible.
01:40:30.000 I love Nate Diaz.
01:40:30.000 Yeah, well that was a tough fight, man.
01:40:32.000 A lot of people thought Frankie Edgar won that fight.
01:40:34.000 Almost unanimously, the professionals on Twitter thought that he won that fight.
01:40:39.000 He's the toughest guy at that, he's the toughest small guy in the world. 1.00
01:40:42.000 Frank Geiger's a motherfucker, dude. 0.96
01:40:44.000 I thought he won the fight afterwards by decision, but I would have to honestly go back and watch it again and actually score it with my mouth shut to make an accurate assessment of whether or not my feelings after the fight are over are accurate. 0.99
01:41:00.000 I'm really careful about saying what I think when it's a real close fight like that until I actually sit down and watch it as if I was scoring it.
01:41:07.000 Because if you're watching it as a commentator, you're also involved in it, you're trying to be entertaining, I'm trying to explain what's going on.
01:41:15.000 In order to do that and do a really effective calculation of whether or not one person won or the other, especially when it's close.
01:41:24.000 Because the fight unquestionably was close.
01:41:27.000 There's no doubt about it.
01:41:28.000 It was a very close fight.
01:41:30.000 No doubt about it.
01:41:31.000 The people who thought Henderson won it agree with that.
01:41:33.000 The people who thought Edgar won it agree with that.
01:41:35.000 It was a tightly contested fight. 1.00
01:41:37.000 So to really watch that and judge it, you've got to really shut your fucking mouth and sit there with a pad. 1.00
01:41:42.000 And you've got to know the game. 1.00
01:41:43.000 And you've got to mark things down.
01:41:44.000 The best would be if the judges had access to the information that Goldie and I have access to.
01:41:50.000 We have access to all the takedowns.
01:41:52.000 At the end of the round, we have a thing that comes up.
01:41:55.000 This was fairly recently.
01:41:56.000 In the last few fights.
01:41:57.000 Who's taking stock of that?
01:41:59.000 Who does it?
01:42:00.000 It's UFC staff.
01:42:01.000 So the production staff is counting everything.
01:42:04.000 They're counting strikes and there's a whole segment of the show where they'll go to effective strikes, take down attempts, submission attempts.
01:42:12.000 So we get to look at hard numbers as well as our gut feeling about things.
01:42:17.000 Sometimes a guy will land little pity-pat shots, and he'll land a bunch of them, but the other dude lands one haymaker.
01:42:23.000 Well, that haymaker's worth more than those pity-pat shots. 1.00
01:42:25.000 So sometimes numbers don't necessarily mean...
01:42:28.000 But it's good to have that information to add in addition to your calculations on how you feel about it, just watching it.
01:42:35.000 So you need almost more than you watching it on your own, because I'm not just watching it.
01:42:39.000 I'm getting fed information as I'm watching it.
01:42:42.000 That's ideal for a judge. 0.96
01:42:44.000 Not that it would really, you know, I just, not that it wouldn't help to clean house and just get people in and know what the fuck is going on in an actual fight.
01:42:51.000 That certainly would be, but I also think they need access to information the way we have.
01:42:56.000 They finally gave them monitors.
01:42:57.000 They get monitors now, which is very nice.
01:43:00.000 I'm surprised they finally gave them monitors.
01:43:02.000 Yeah, not everywhere, but we've done it in certain places.
01:43:05.000 To re-watch things in slow motion would strike me.
01:43:06.000 Very important.
01:43:07.000 Very important as well as to have angles on shots.
01:43:10.000 You know, sometimes it looks like a guy landed when really the guy fell.
01:43:13.000 The guy slipped.
01:43:15.000 It's not an easy job.
01:43:17.000 No, it's not.
01:43:17.000 It's very hard.
01:43:18.000 And it's not rewarded when they're good at it.
01:43:20.000 No. 0.99
01:43:21.000 It's only critiqued when they suck at it. 0.99
01:43:23.000 You know, I swear to God, man, when I have a weekend like this weekend where we did the show at the Paramount and we did the comedy works in Denver and meet all these cool people and everything, it really does feel like this crazy fucking dream life, man. 0.98
01:43:36.000 It's so fun.
01:43:37.000 Everything is so fun.
01:43:39.000 You've earned it and you've created...
01:43:41.000 Nobody earns this, dude.
01:43:43.000 Nobody deserves this. 1.00
01:43:44.000 This is some crazy, lucky shit. 1.00
01:43:46.000 It ain't just that you earned it, because it didn't even exist before. 0.99
01:43:49.000 It's not like you say you earned being the UFC commentator.
01:43:51.000 Yeah, but you've always been successful.
01:43:52.000 But you know what I'm saying?
01:43:53.000 Before I was the commentator, other people had done it, but I'm saying, when I was a young man, thinking about this as an aspiration, this job didn't even exist.
01:44:02.000 That's just fortunate.
01:44:04.000 I remember when you got it.
01:44:05.000 I remember when you were like, hey, I'm going to do the UFC, and I came down with you, and I met Tank Abbott back then, and I was like, jeez.
01:44:11.000 It's so fortunate, though.
01:44:12.000 Jeff Blatnick?
01:44:13.000 Yeah, Jeff Blatnick.
01:44:15.000 Great guy.
01:44:15.000 Great guy.
01:44:16.000 Love that guy.
01:44:17.000 Olympic gold medalist.
01:44:18.000 And it's so strange to have that kind of a life.
01:44:24.000 It's so strange to have all these cool friends and to have this dream weekend.
01:44:29.000 I remember when we were all hanging around, you and me and Joey Diaz and Brendan Walsh and Doug Benson.
01:44:34.000 We were eating after the show, after the UFC. We were laughing.
01:44:37.000 Drinking good wine.
01:44:38.000 Drinking good wine, eating sliders and buffalo wings and just killing it.
01:44:43.000 All of us laughing at each other. 0.93
01:44:45.000 I mean, that's like, we're so fucking fortunate, man. 0.95
01:44:50.000 We're so fortunate. 0.95
01:44:51.000 You're like, we're so lucky we get to do what we do.
01:44:53.000 We're so fortunate.
01:44:54.000 In every aspect.
01:44:56.000 In the friends that we have and our occupations.
01:44:59.000 It's amazing.
01:45:00.000 It's completely amazing.
01:45:01.000 But to do what we did to get this posse of comedians together for that show at the Paramount, that is really important.
01:45:09.000 It's one of the things that we were talking about before you got there.
01:45:11.000 I was thanking them for coming.
01:45:14.000 And I was like, you guys, there might be 2,000 people out there for this show, but if you guys weren't with me, it wouldn't be half as fun.
01:45:20.000 Literally, it wouldn't even be You have somebody to share it with.
01:45:22.000 You have a fraternity you can share it with, you know?
01:45:24.000 I love watching Joey Diaz get offstage with a giant smile on his face.
01:45:27.000 I know.
01:45:28.000 Just laughing his ass off.
01:45:29.000 Ha ha ha ha ha!
01:45:31.000 High-fiving me!
01:45:32.000 He's so authentic and original.
01:45:33.000 We had some really good talks, man.
01:45:34.000 He's the best.
01:45:36.000 Listen, I've...
01:45:36.000 But I love what I was saying.
01:45:38.000 I'm getting going anywhere, bitch. 1.00
01:45:38.000 If I don't leave now... 1.00
01:45:39.000 We're here for another ten minutes, at least.
01:45:40.000 Ten minutes.
01:45:40.000 Just ten minutes.
01:45:41.000 I gotta get out of here.
01:45:42.000 Ten minutes.
01:45:43.000 I'm supposed to be there in ten minutes. 1.00
01:45:44.000 They can suck it. 1.00
01:45:45.000 They can suck it. 1.00
01:45:45.000 No, because they're my... 1.00
01:45:46.000 It's the ten-minute podcast.
01:45:48.000 Without you, that's not a good show.
01:45:49.000 I know, but I gotta...
01:45:51.000 No, it's actually...
01:45:52.000 They're gonna wait.
01:45:52.000 They're gonna be fine.
01:45:52.000 By the way, go to the 10-Minute Podcast and listen to Drunk Arnold that Will Sasser does.
01:45:56.000 If you don't laugh your ass off, to me, it's the best impression of all time.
01:45:59.000 And it's the funniest thing I've ever done.
01:46:01.000 It's a funny one.
01:46:02.000 It's not even me.
01:46:03.000 Arnold is like...
01:46:04.000 I hardly do my Arnold impression anymore because too many people do it. 0.92
01:46:07.000 His Arnold is so fucking hilarious.
01:46:10.000 We have some... 0.95
01:46:11.000 I'm really proud of some of the things we did on that show.
01:46:13.000 I mean...
01:46:13.000 I like the idea.
01:46:14.000 It's a great idea. 0.98
01:46:15.000 It's fucking great. 0.98
01:46:16.000 Ten minutes. 0.99
01:46:16.000 It's quick. 0.99
01:46:16.000 Sassu and Delia do some fucking characters on there. 0.99
01:46:19.000 Forget me. 0.99
01:46:19.000 I did an ostrich expert, but that doesn't matter. 0.99
01:46:22.000 It's some of the funny shit. 0.99
01:46:24.000 I gotta go. 0.99
01:46:24.000 What's an ostrich expert? 0.99
01:46:25.000 I love you.
01:46:26.000 My name is Ushu Unduli, and ostrich are my specialty.
01:46:32.000 And the great question is, if an ostrich is a bird, why can he not?
01:46:40.000 And that's all I talk about for 10 minutes.
01:46:43.000 This is what we need to work with you.
01:46:44.000 We need to get Renato de Alonja with you together with your Brazilian Jiu Jitsu rapist character and make something happen.
01:46:51.000 Because that rapist character, there's two of the funniest moments in my life that I've experienced in my whole life. 0.82
01:46:58.000 One of them is Joey Diaz on the Alex Jones Show, where they fucked up and told Joey Diaz that he didn't have to worry about swearing because this part is on the internet. 0.99
01:47:06.000 And Joey Diaz just opened up a can of Cuban whoop-ass. 1.00
01:47:11.000 He was telling a story about going through the TSA with weed tucked under his balls and about how those fucking machines, they don't scan shit. 1.00
01:47:19.000 And, you know, this is your fucking tax dollars at work. 1.00
01:47:21.000 And Alex Jones is going crazy. 1.00
01:47:23.000 He goes, check yourself before you wreck yourself. 1.00
01:47:26.000 Big dicks in your ass is bad for your health. 1.00
01:47:28.000 Joe Diaz, Facebook, Twitter, stay black! 1.00
01:47:32.000 And he literally wrecked the room. 0.98
01:47:34.000 I'm crying laughing.
01:47:36.000 And by the way, we got it all on video.
01:47:39.000 I gotta see this.
01:47:40.000 People that say I'm exaggerating, it's all online.
01:47:42.000 Joey Diaz and the Alex Jones Show is a hundred versions of it on YouTube because it's so phenomenal.
01:47:47.000 I gotta see this. 0.95
01:47:48.000 There was that and there was you in the hotel room when we were I think I just got the job at the UFC, and we would all come out to the fights, and it's a fucking great guys event. 0.99
01:48:01.000 I mean, it's so barbaric, man, to go to, fuck, did you see that fight? 1.00
01:48:05.000 Holy shit, that was crazy. 1.00
01:48:06.000 And afterwards, we eat steaks and shit. 1.00
01:48:08.000 It was just such a boy party weekend. 0.98
01:48:10.000 I remember you and I actually went and looked at Randy Couture, and we're like, look at him, look at him. 1.00
01:48:13.000 It's a fucking animal. 0.99
01:48:14.000 Look at that, it's Randy Couture. 1.00
01:48:15.000 Yeah.
01:48:16.000 He had a swollen knee.
01:48:17.000 I was like, jeez.
01:48:17.000 We were upstairs and we were barbecued.
01:48:20.000 We were so high.
01:48:21.000 And, you know, we just have this group of really funny people hanging out together.
01:48:25.000 So we're just making each other laugh. 0.99
01:48:27.000 And Brian goes into this explanation, like a jiu-jitsu seminar on how to fuck guys. 0.99
01:48:32.000 I was basically doing Hensou because I was training at Hensou's. 0.98
01:48:35.000 And, of course, I have nothing but the utmost respect for Hensou.
01:48:38.000 Oh, of course.
01:48:39.000 But I was basically doing his character, you know.
01:48:41.000 Come on, guys.
01:48:42.000 Okay, like that, you know.
01:48:44.000 When I take a guy... 0.94
01:48:45.000 Take a guy like that, put him to the mouth like that. 1.00
01:48:47.000 Put him to my mouth. 1.00
01:48:48.000 Put him to my dick. 1.00
01:48:50.000 There's like the way all the parts of your speech were all off. 0.99
01:48:54.000 That's on the internet somewhere.
01:48:54.000 I don't know where it is.
01:48:55.000 Well, it was on Eddie Bravo's video, but it was like a window.
01:48:59.000 It was like one of those things.
01:49:01.000 He put it on his video, but he put it on there as a fortune cookie.
01:49:05.000 You know what I'm talking about?
01:49:06.000 Is that what it's called?
01:49:07.000 We have to find it.
01:49:09.000 Whatever.
01:49:09.000 So he put it on there.
01:49:11.000 Is that what it's called?
01:49:12.000 A fortune cookie?
01:49:13.000 I don't know. 0.99
01:49:13.000 Whatever the fuck it's called. 0.99
01:49:15.000 When someone puts something on their DVD and you go and find it. 0.99
01:49:19.000 So he put it on there.
01:49:20.000 You had to press a couple different things for it to come up. 0.97
01:49:23.000 It was one of those stupid things that people did before they realized that extra content, you should let people watch it. 1.00
01:49:27.000 Let people watch that shit, yeah. 1.00
01:49:28.000 And so Eddie had that. 1.00
01:49:29.000 He thought it would be really funny.
01:49:30.000 And I also think he was worried about it was so dirty, like connecting it to his thing.
01:49:36.000 I think he would do it now because I'm mastering the system.
01:49:39.000 Yeah, but you've got to be careful when you're building a brand or whatever.
01:49:41.000 And if you're interested in that, go to 10thplanetjujitsu.com because Eddie's got this whole web series called Mastering the System and a lot of that is with Hanato Aranja who is this...
01:49:51.000 I don't want to tell you the whole story because I don't want to give up the joke.
01:49:54.000 Well, we'll do it.
01:49:55.000 But you've got to get together with him and...
01:49:57.000 We'll do it.
01:49:58.000 I'm coming back on the podcast.
01:49:59.000 And teach guys how to kiss guys. 1.00
01:50:00.000 I want to thank you guys. 0.99
01:50:01.000 Dude, fuck yeah, man. 0.99
01:50:02.000 You can come out on the podcast anytime you want. 1.00
01:50:04.000 I'll do extra ones for you.
01:50:05.000 If I have a full week, we'll do one at night.
01:50:08.000 We'll always do it anytime you want, man.
01:50:09.000 I'm sorry I have to leave early today.
01:50:11.000 It's no worries, man.
01:50:12.000 Thank you, everybody. 1.00
01:50:13.000 But you should tell those guys to fuck themselves and stay here for a little while longer. 1.00
01:50:16.000 We are. 1.00
01:50:16.000 We're on the internet right now. 1.00
01:50:18.000 This is as good as it gets.
01:50:19.000 Tweet me at Brian Callen.
01:50:20.000 What we're doing right now is as good as we do.
01:50:22.000 Tweet me at Brian.
01:50:23.000 B-R-Y-A-N. And we are doing it. 1.00
01:50:25.000 C-A-L-L-E-N. Now it's a game for me. 1.00
01:50:27.000 Joe Rogan, I love you.
01:50:27.000 I love you, too.
01:50:28.000 Don't leave.
01:50:29.000 I gotta go.
01:50:30.000 They're waiting for me.
01:50:30.000 But I can't.
01:50:31.000 I gotta let you out of the house, man. 0.99
01:50:32.000 This is fucking... 0.99
01:50:32.000 I love you. 0.99
01:50:33.000 There's animals out there.
01:50:33.000 Security.
01:50:34.000 I'm leaving.
01:50:34.000 I'm leaving.
01:50:34.000 Hold on.
01:50:35.000 Let me end this.
01:50:36.000 Alright.
01:50:36.000 This podcast is over, ladies and gentlemen.
01:50:38.000 Go see Brian this weekend in San Diego at the American Comedy Company.
01:50:41.000 And go to the American Comedy Company.
01:50:43.000 Support it. 0.99
01:50:43.000 It's great that San Diego finally got a real fucking comedy club. 0.99
01:50:46.000 And it is a badass one. 0.98
01:50:48.000 Thank you to Alienware MMA. Follow them on Twitter.
01:50:51.000 Alienware MMA on Twitter.
01:50:52.000 Alienware sponsors through Sucker Punch Entertainment a lot of fighters. 0.94
01:50:57.000 We really appreciate the shit out of that.
01:50:59.000 So we started using Alienware computers for all of our podcasts. 0.98
01:51:03.000 And if you're into gaming, they're fucking fantastic. 0.53
01:51:05.000 They're really awesome. 0.99
01:51:07.000 They sent us this 18-inch laptop, and it's fucking tremendous. 0.61
01:51:11.000 If you want to play games on them, the graphics, the speed, they're really incredible. 0.93
01:51:16.000 They're pricey, but they're really worth it.
01:51:18.000 They're incredible gaming computers.
01:51:20.000 And we thank them for supporting us because we love the fact they hooked us up with computers.
01:51:25.000 We love them as a company.
01:51:26.000 And we love the fact that they support MMA fighters.
01:51:28.000 We think it's a ballsy move.
01:51:29.000 And I really appreciate the fact that Dell, a big company, has the guts through Alienware, which they own, to step in and sponsor fighters.
01:51:37.000 I think that's beautiful.
01:51:37.000 And so we support people who support MMA. Thanks to Onnit.com as well.
01:51:41.000 Go get yourself some battle ropes and kettlebells so you can be manly like Brian Callen.
01:51:46.000 Like me.
01:51:46.000 Throw that rope around.
01:51:47.000 Get yourself a dancer's physique. 0.99
01:51:49.000 I love you, America!
01:51:50.000 Get some alpha brain.
01:51:51.000 Feed your brain with some nutrients. 1.00
01:51:52.000 And get your shit together, you dirty bitches. 1.00
01:51:54.000 Look, we love you. 1.00
01:51:55.000 We appreciate the podcast tweets and emails and all that shit. 0.65
01:52:00.000 Literally, my life would not be as rich and interesting if it wasn't for how much positive energy we've gotten back from you people.
01:52:13.000 How much that is inspirational, how much that makes us want to do more and make it better and put out more content.
01:52:22.000 And I appreciate the fuck that all you guys are using this podcast to make your commute more interesting. 0.87
01:52:28.000 To entertain you when you're on a plane. 1.00
01:52:32.000 Whatever the fuck you're using it for. 0.99
01:52:33.000 When you're at the gym. 0.99
01:52:34.000 I think it's awesome.
01:52:35.000 I love the connection that we have.
01:52:38.000 And thank you for all the positivity.
01:52:40.000 It inspires me to no end. 0.99
01:52:43.000 And that's it, you dirty freaks. 0.98
01:52:44.000 Tomorrow we will have Jamie Kilstein on, my favorite, well, not my favorite vegan. 0.98
01:52:49.000 He's one of my favorite vegans.
01:52:51.000 He's my favorite vegan lefty comedian that weighs eight pounds.
01:52:55.000 He's a great guy, though, and he's a very smart guy, and he has this, besides his strange ideality, he's got his heart in the right place.
01:53:01.000 He's a good human, and he'll be here tomorrow.
01:53:03.000 And then we have Andrew Dice Clay on Wednesday.
01:53:06.000 On Thursday, we have two podcasts on Thursday. 1.00
01:53:13.000 You leaving, you dirty bitch? 1.00
01:53:14.000 They're the best. 1.00
01:53:15.000 You can find them on Twitter.
01:53:17.000 I gotta go.
01:53:17.000 Alright, take care people.
01:53:18.000 Big kiss.