The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #283 - Dave Attell

00:00:03.000 Sweet baby Jesus, we are back again.

00:00:08.000 Satisfaction, relief.

00:00:10.000 Tension fulfilled?

00:00:13.000 Exploded.

00:00:14.000 Whatever. 1.00

00:00:15.000 Listen, San Diego, you fucking savages were off the chain this weekend. 1.00

00:00:18.000 I want to thank the fuck out of every one of you. 1.00

00:00:20.000 It was amazing. 0.92

00:00:21.000 That was one of my favorite shows ever in San Diego.

00:00:24.000 Even with hecklers, it was great. 0.91

00:00:25.000 It was just a couple douchebags. 0.99

00:00:27.000 Somebody booed Joey. 0.96

00:00:28.000 What?

00:00:29.000 Booed Joey Diaz when he got on stage.

00:00:30.000 I think it's the same guy who heckled me later. 1.00

00:00:32.000 He yelled out, Bullshit! 1.00

00:00:34.000 Just some poor dude who probably signed up for the army when he was 18. Yeah. 1.00

00:00:38.000 There's a lot of those down there. 0.97

00:00:40.000 But the audience was fucking incredible. 0.99

00:00:43.000 God damn, I love San Diego. 0.99

00:00:44.000 That is one of the most underrated all-time cities. 0.99

00:00:48.000 It really is.

00:00:48.000 The place is incredible.

00:00:49.000 Except for their weed fear.

00:00:51.000 Well, it's because of the military thing.

00:00:53.000 They definitely have an issue with marijuana down there.

00:00:56.000 They shut down all the shops.

00:00:58.000 There's military everywhere down there.

00:01:00.000 It's crazy if you have military and weed.

00:01:02.000 Because then they start getting high and going, let's just run to Mexico, man. 0.88

00:01:05.000 It's right there. 1.00

00:01:06.000 Let's just fucking... 0.99

00:01:07.000 Let's get out of here. 1.00

00:01:08.000 Fuck this, dude. 1.00

00:01:09.000 I don't want to shoot anybody anymore. 1.00

00:01:12.000 Anyway, thanks everybody. 0.98

00:01:14.000 Fucking fantastic show. 0.97

00:01:15.000 This weekend, Montreal. 1.00

00:01:16.000 Sold out, bitches! 1.00

00:01:18.000 Suck it! 1.00

00:01:20.000 No tickets. 1.00

00:01:22.000 Tough shit. 1.00

00:01:22.000 You always sell out in Canada. 1.00

00:01:24.000 You should probably just get super big next time.

00:01:26.000 I should probably just move there.

00:01:27.000 That's what I should probably do. 0.98

00:01:28.000 Canada is fucking awesome. 0.96

00:01:30.000 Even in November, in Montreal, with Duncan Trussell, we are going to be there and eventually see Georges St-Pierre going to fight Carlos Condit. 1.00

00:01:42.000 Oh, shit, son! 0.99

00:01:43.000 What a wild weekend that will be. 1.00

00:01:47.000 This podcast, ladies and gentlemen, is brought to you by Ting.

00:01:50.000 Ting, one of our newest sponsors.

00:01:52.000 And what Ting is, ladies and gentlemen, is a fair and ethical mobile company.

00:01:58.000 What do I mean by that? 0.97

00:01:59.000 They don't have all the goofy fucking laws or rules, rather, set in place by a lot of these cell phone companies, especially the one... 1.00

00:02:06.000 That really bites my ass. 0.99

00:02:08.000 And that's the one where you have to pay money if you want to cancel your contract. 1.00

00:02:12.000 That shit to me is ridiculous. 1.00

00:02:14.000 That's like going to the supermarket and saying, I want to buy milk. 1.00

00:02:17.000 And them saying, well, if you want milk, you got to pay for your milk every day.

00:02:20.000 And when you no longer want to pay milk...

00:02:22.000 For milk, we have to get some extra money from you. 0.99

00:02:25.000 That's how I look at it.

00:02:26.000 I don't look at cell phone services or any other kind.

00:02:28.000 It's a good.

00:02:29.000 You're selling goods just like you're selling milk to me.

00:02:32.000 Maybe my logic is faulty.

00:02:33.000 Look, if you were smart, don't get me wrong, and you were sitting here and you wanted to argue that point with me, you'd probably win.

00:02:39.000 But my point is, it doesn't make any sense.

00:02:41.000 I know why they do it.

00:02:42.000 The reason why they do it is kind of tricky.

00:02:44.000 When you buy a cell phone from Verizon and it says $300, The phone costs more than $300.

00:02:51.000 So they sort of tack that money onto your bill.

00:02:54.000 And then if you try to cancel early, then you have to make up the difference and pay for what the phone really would have been.

00:02:59.000 A phone's like a good iPhone or something. 0.99

00:03:01.000 It's really fucking expensive. 0.97

00:03:02.000 It's like $600 to $700. 0.98

00:03:03.000 Ting doesn't have that set up. 0.99

00:03:05.000 The way Ting works is you want to cancel, just fucking cancel. 0.85

00:03:08.000 If you don't use all your minutes, like say if you have a higher plan with more minutes and you don't use it, they automatically bump you down to the next plan and your next bill and save you money. 0.93

00:03:20.000 Like, it is a very, very fair and ethical company.

00:03:23.000 And they work off this Sprint backbone.

00:03:26.000 So they have excellent cell phone service.

00:03:28.000 Joey Diaz has Sprint.

00:03:29.000 He's had Sprint for years. 1.00

00:03:30.000 If you try to take Sprint away from Joey Diaz who will fucking stab you, Give it back to me, cocksucker. 1.00

00:03:36.000 Fucking sprint cocksucker. 1.00

00:03:37.000 My shit never goes out. 1.00

00:03:38.000 I make calls from the fucking plane in the air. 1.00

00:03:41.000 He got a phone call in the air once. 1.00

00:03:43.000 I don't know how he did it, but we were sitting there in his fucking phone. 0.99

00:03:46.000 Joey never turns his phone off. 0.99

00:03:47.000 You know how they say turn your phone off on a plane?

00:03:49.000 He's never turned it off once.

00:03:51.000 He doesn't do it.

00:03:52.000 I always try to turn it on about 20 minutes before you land and see if I can get service.

00:03:57.000 A lot of times you can.

00:03:59.000 Yeah, a lot of times planes crash and people die. 1.00

00:04:01.000 You fucking techno weirdo. 1.00

00:04:04.000 Go to rogan.ting.com. 1.00

00:04:06.000 They will give you $50 off of your first Ting device.

00:04:11.000 And the devices are all top of the line. 0.98

00:04:13.000 They have a bunch of sick fucking Android phones, including the one that I have, the Samsung Galaxy 3, which I love. 0.98

00:04:21.000 And I have raved about this phone. 0.99

00:04:23.000 It is very hard to go back to an iPhone after you see that big, giant, luscious Samsung Galaxy S3 screen.

00:04:28.000 And by the way, they just outsold iPhones for the first time ever.

00:04:32.000 So the Galaxy S3 right now is the number one selling cell phone in America.

00:04:36.000 You know why?

00:04:37.000 Yeah, because the Chinese can't make the iPhone 5s quick enough. 1.00

00:04:40.000 They're rioting.

00:04:41.000 That's what it is.

00:04:42.000 Yeah, I know it is.

00:04:43.000 That's the truth.

00:04:44.000 I would tell the truth, man.

00:04:45.000 Look, Samsung did get that official lead, though.

00:04:49.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:04:49.000 It's like when James Irvin blew out his knee.

00:04:52.000 It's because they use American workers, right, Joe? 1.00

00:04:54.000 Exactly.

00:04:54.000 No, they don't.

00:04:55.000 No, they don't.

00:04:56.000 Nope.

00:04:57.000 I don't know if there's an ethical cell phone to buy, folks. 0.99

00:04:59.000 There's certain shit in this day and age you're going to have to ignore. 1.00

00:05:02.000 Unless you get a cell phone made in Montana out of fucking deer antlers and old scrap. 1.00

00:05:08.000 I don't think they fucking sell. 0.99

00:05:10.000 Joe, should I just pay for one of these Ting phones? 0.99

00:05:12.000 Should I just not wait for these guys?

00:05:13.000 Because they're obviously not listening to us.

00:05:16.000 Maybe they're down with the Wikipedia people.

00:05:19.000 Wikipedia people do not want to recognize Brian Redband as an official celebrity. 0.99

00:05:24.000 And I say that's bullshit. 0.61

00:05:25.000 Because they recognize a lot of people that are less famous than you. 1.00

00:05:28.000 Porn stars! 0.99

00:05:29.000 Every single porn star is in there. 1.00

00:05:30.000 There's something about...

00:05:32.000 They are not accepting this medium.

00:05:34.000 And this is a... 1.00

00:05:35.000 You fuckheads better come correct. 1.00

00:05:37.000 This is a legitimate medium, this internet. 1.00

00:05:39.000 Look at this.

00:05:39.000 I was in the newspaper.

00:05:41.000 You was in the newspaper.

00:05:42.000 Sort of.

00:05:43.000 It looks like Doug's...

00:05:44.000 Doug Benson to me.

00:05:45.000 But, you know, whatever, buddy.

00:05:46.000 I'm sure they printed your name.

00:05:47.000 Can I say something?

00:05:47.000 He looks like a missing child.

00:05:49.000 Have you seen this boy?

00:05:51.000 Oh, help me. 0.96

00:05:52.000 Benson, he went down to Tijuana to buy Valiums and we never saw him again.

00:05:58.000 Anyway, go to rogan.ting.com.

00:06:00.000 That's our sponsor.

00:06:01.000 Onnit.com is one of our other sponsors. 0.99

00:06:03.000 Onnit's got a bunch of new shit in, folks. 0.99

00:06:05.000 We finally got that. 0.98

00:06:07.000 We're selling that video that I used to talk about even back in the day before Onnit, the Extreme Kettlebell Cardio Workout.

00:06:12.000 Yeah.

00:06:13.000 We started selling that.

00:06:14.000 It's amazing.

00:06:14.000 We also started selling Blendtec blenders, which I just started using a couple of weeks ago.

00:06:18.000 I used to use a Vitamix, which is badass.

00:06:20.000 It's a very good blender.

00:06:22.000 But the Blendtec is even better.

00:06:24.000 It's incredible how much it just liquefies everything.

00:06:28.000 It's the most amazing blender that I've ever used.

00:06:31.000 We were selling it and giving away free hemp force protein powders, but Blendtec won't let us do that anymore.

00:06:37.000 It's like a violation of the...

00:06:38.000 Really?

00:06:38.000 Because we sell it really cheap anyway, yeah.

00:06:40.000 We sell it for $200 less, more than $200 less than the manufacturer suggested retail price.

00:06:46.000 Oh, so they're like, you can't sell that because then the competitors don't have...

00:06:49.000 Yeah, they don't have that advantage of getting the free hemp force. 0.75

00:06:51.000 Wow.

00:06:51.000 We give away a free hemp force.

00:06:53.000 You know what you should do?

00:06:53.000 You should have a coupon code that just, if you happen to buy a blender, you can put this coupon code in and it adds it for you.

00:06:59.000 So you're not selling it with it.

00:07:01.000 Yeah, I still think that's...

00:07:03.000 There's loopholes.

00:07:03.000 We sell it as long...

00:07:05.000 Maybe.

00:07:05.000 Look at you, Woody, a marketing genius?

00:07:06.000 Yes.

00:07:07.000 There's loopholes. 1.00

00:07:07.000 He's going to get us sued this fuck. 1.00

00:07:09.000 He doesn't even care. 1.00

00:07:10.000 Hemp Force is another product of Onnit, and I had some this morning.

00:07:14.000 It's the most delicious protein powder on earth.

00:07:16.000 It's made out of the... 0.53

00:07:17.000 Everything at Onnit is...

00:07:19.000 Onnit is essentially a supplement company, a health, nutrition, fitness company. 0.99

00:07:23.000 Everything we sell is literally the best shit we can find. 0.99

00:07:26.000 We said, what is the best blender? 0.99

00:07:28.000 They said, Blendtec.

00:07:29.000 Boom! 0.99

00:07:29.000 We got a Blendtec. 0.99

00:07:30.000 I didn't even have one when we did that deal. 0.99

00:07:33.000 We did it because of these videos where you see a Blendtec blender blend a fucking iPhone into powder. 0.98

00:07:38.000 Why would you do that? 0.99

00:07:39.000 Because they're amazing.

00:07:40.000 Because they just want to show you how wicked...

00:07:41.000 Maybe it was like an old phone.

00:07:43.000 My phone is dying, man.

00:07:45.000 Yeah, my new one's supposed to be on the way.

00:07:47.000 A five?

00:07:48.000 Yeah.

00:07:48.000 About time.

00:07:49.000 I got a five.

00:07:50.000 About time.

00:07:51.000 It's the Samsung Galaxy S3, son.

00:07:53.000 I wouldn't know about that.

00:07:54.000 Ting does not listen to the commercials. 1.00

00:07:56.000 Ting, what the fuck, Ting? 1.00

00:07:57.000 You're paying for these commercials. 1.00

00:07:58.000 Get Brian Redman a cell phone. 0.99

00:08:00.000 Ting's butt smells. 0.97

00:08:01.000 New Mood is another product of Onnit.com that's a fascinating product. 0.99

00:08:06.000 It's a 5-HTP and L-tryptophan product.

00:08:09.000 By calling it New Mood, it's really a legit name for it because it actually does change your mood.

00:08:17.000 It boosts your brain's output of serotonin.

00:08:20.000 It has two factors.

00:08:21.000 The way it's explained to me with my feeble, non-scientific mind is that one is 5-HTP, which converts to serotonin.

00:08:29.000 And there's also L-tryptophan, which converts to 5-HTP, which converts to serotonin.

00:08:36.000 So it gives you a time-released effect, as it's been explained to me.

00:08:40.000 But what I do know is the stuff really works.

00:08:42.000 It's great right before bed.

00:08:44.000 It makes you feel better. 1.00

00:08:45.000 Your brain is concocted of a bunch of different shit. 0.99

00:08:49.000 And we know that there's certain chemicals, especially when you're dealing with vitamins and supplements. 1.00

00:08:55.000 You're not dealing with anything dangerous.

00:08:56.000 There's no drugs.

00:08:57.000 There's not an SSRI. But it has a very similar effect.

00:09:00.000 In fact, a lot of people who are taking antidepressants, which essentially raise your brain's output of serotonin, the doctors tell you not to take 5-HTP as well.

00:09:10.000 They tell you that it's too much of it.

00:09:12.000 You'll literally develop too much serotonin.

00:09:14.000 What that says to me, I'm not a doctor, but it says to me is that you should be...

00:09:18.000 I have to tell you I'm not a doctor.

00:09:19.000 I think that's a Dom Herrera joke.

00:09:22.000 Dom, I didn't steal your joke, Dom.

00:09:24.000 What's going on?

00:09:25.000 I think it's telling you that you can get there with nutrition as well. 0.99

00:09:30.000 And I think with nutrition and exercise, there's a lot of people that feel like shit that would feel a lot better, David Tell. 0.99

00:09:34.000 I'm just saying! 0.99

00:09:35.000 I'm just saying!

00:09:36.000 What now?

00:09:37.000 Put away the cigarettes!

00:09:39.000 Get on it! 0.98

00:09:40.000 O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGENT and save yourself 10% off the number one supplement for men or something like that.

00:09:47.000 This is my new t-shirt.

00:09:48.000 This is the Gas Mask Chimpanzee Higher Primate t-shirt.

00:09:52.000 You can't see it.

00:09:54.000 But now you know for the rest of the podcast. 0.99

00:09:56.000 Yeah, now you know for the rest of the podcast what the fuck I'm wearing. 0.96

00:09:59.000 But we have three new designs in at Higher Primate. 0.97

00:10:02.000 And there's also...

00:10:04.000 What are you laughing at, man?

00:10:05.000 It's so funny.

00:10:05.000 Am I allowed to talk or no?

00:10:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:10:07.000 You can do whatever the fuck you want. 0.99

00:10:08.000 Son, you're David Tell. 0.99

00:10:09.000 No, I was going to say, what's the difference between the serotonin and the malotonin?

00:10:13.000 Melatonin is what puts you to sleep.

00:10:15.000 Melatonin is what relaxes you and puts you to sleep.

00:10:17.000 Yeah, that's great before sleep, too.

00:10:19.000 Serotonin is what actually makes you feel happy.

00:10:22.000 Oh, okay.

00:10:22.000 Yeah, like dopamine, serotonin.

00:10:24.000 I'm taking the wrong one.

00:10:27.000 Now I get it.

00:10:28.000 Okay.

00:10:29.000 You have a little tip to your filter.

00:10:31.000 This is Hunter S. Thompson for 2012. You want to shoot Lugers out in the parking lot? 1.00

00:10:35.000 I would love to. 1.00

00:10:37.000 Is that for your teeth?

00:10:39.000 Is that why you do it?

00:10:40.000 I do for my teeth, and I'm also trying to stop smoking, so I figure the further I get away from the cigarette, the more I will.

00:10:45.000 You need to get a real legit 100x Thompson one.

00:10:46.000 I need someone to smoke it for me, and I just do the second hand. 0.97

00:10:50.000 But yeah, you guys are very fucking observant. 0.82

00:10:54.000 Yeah, we're on top of the ball. 0.98

00:10:56.000 That's not the way you're supposed to say it.

00:10:57.000 We're on the ball.

00:10:58.000 We say we're on top of the ball.

00:10:59.000 We're on top of the ball.

00:10:59.000 Pumping it.

00:11:00.000 Fucking show, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

00:11:01.000 It doesn't start until I hear music. 1.00

00:11:03.000 It doesn't officially start until Brian cues the track.

00:11:07.000 And then, then we move.

00:11:09.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.

00:11:10.000 Check it out.

00:11:11.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:11:13.000 Showing my day.

00:11:14.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.

00:11:16.000 All day.

00:11:19.000 Powerful Dave Attell.

00:11:20.000 What's up?

00:11:21.000 My brother.

00:11:21.000 Welcome back.

00:11:22.000 Thanks for having me, Joe, man.

00:11:23.000 Dude, please.

00:11:24.000 This is a pleasure.

00:11:25.000 Every time I come to LA, I'm always hoping, like, can I hang with Joe?

00:11:28.000 And we're doing it.

00:11:29.000 Thank you.

00:11:30.000 Thank you for doing it, man.

00:11:31.000 You know, it's one of the coolest things about being a professional comedian is you get to hang out with other professional comedians.

00:11:37.000 Yes.

00:11:37.000 You know, I talked to Stanhope once, and he was drunk, of course.

00:11:43.000 That's Doug.

00:11:44.000 That's our Dougie.

00:11:45.000 He just got back from the road, and he was like, you know what, man?

00:11:48.000 He goes, I could quit stand-up, but I couldn't quit hanging out with stand-ups.

00:11:51.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:11:52.000 That's how I feel too, man.

00:11:54.000 I mean, we're so lucky that we have...

00:11:57.000 I couldn't imagine if I had to deal with like...

00:11:59.000 If I had just worked with a bunch of people who weren't funny and hung out with only a bunch of people who weren't funny.

00:12:04.000 Oh, with drag. 0.98

00:12:05.000 You'd be such a drag. 0.99

00:12:06.000 Is there anything worse than non-funny people?

00:12:10.000 Well, I just know that every time I talk to Doug, who we both think is amazing, he's...

00:12:16.000 Half in the bag and he's at an airport bar.

00:12:18.000 He's like the last airport bar drunk I know in America.

00:12:22.000 Yeah, he doesn't play.

00:12:24.000 But people who aren't funny, don't get offended.

00:12:27.000 I don't mean if you're not funny and you try to be funny.

00:12:31.000 That's what I mean.

00:12:31.000 There's nothing worse than that.

00:12:32.000 If you're not funny, you just gotta accept that shit. 1.00

00:12:34.000 Although, that's bullshit, really, because how the fuck do you ever become funny? 1.00

00:12:37.000 I mean, everyone was not funny at one time. 0.99

00:12:40.000 Yeah, well, I think it's harder.

00:12:42.000 It's harder because of the phones.

00:12:43.000 Everybody's on their phone all the time.

00:12:44.000 So it's like, Very little connection.

00:12:46.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:12:47.000 Everybody's like looking at stuff.

00:12:48.000 You think it's harder to be funny today than it was back in the day?

00:12:52.000 I don't know.

00:12:52.000 I think that like for me personally, my funny stemmed from a lot of awkward situations where I was like, how the fuck am I going to get out of this?

00:12:58.000 And then like I said something and they laughed and then I fucking bolted.

00:13:02.000 So I don't know about you, but that really helped me in my earlier years of like, hey, it's good to have a sense of humor, you know? 0.56

00:13:08.000 And then as you become a comic, then you realize there's other guys like that, you know?

00:13:11.000 And then like, you know, we kind of all gelled together.

00:13:13.000 And we also have like a Perspective on things that a lot of other people don't like a lot of people are looking for like happiness and fulfillment and closure Yeah I think as a comic you kind of like roll with the way things are and just see the humor in it you know?

00:13:25.000 Yeah I also at this point I feel like I have this massive obligation to continue to put out You know, when you have fans and you really appreciate them and they tell you, oh my god, we have the best time.

00:13:37.000 We love you.

00:13:37.000 You know, Keith, don't ever stop doing this.

00:13:39.000 Like, wow.

00:13:39.000 All right.

00:13:40.000 I can't.

00:13:40.000 I can't stop.

00:13:41.000 I gotta work harder because of it.

00:13:44.000 I mean, I used to not believe that when people used to say that, you know, that they do it for their fans.

00:13:48.000 But you really have to.

00:13:49.000 That's the only way you can do it.

00:13:50.000 You gotta do it for them.

00:13:52.000 Well, how cool is it when a guy comes up to you and says, like, dude, I love this joke or like you know you didn't do that joke that I love and like it's like joke that you like and you're like oh man there is a reason to do this yeah somebody somebody's listening you know I like that do you still love stand up the art form do you still like watching it well you know we I think we went to this last time it's like I don't consider myself an artist I mean I consider pretty much everybody else I know an artist to some degree but I have very few tools in my toolbox and one of them is midget and dick jokes and I That tool 0.99

00:14:22.000 has really been used a lot.

00:14:24.000 It doesn't matter.

00:14:25.000 I don't know.

00:14:25.000 I feel like I'm more tricky than I am funny.

00:14:28.000 I do take a lot of chances, but I don't really...

00:14:31.000 I don't know.

00:14:32.000 I feel like after doing it 26 years that I should...

00:14:35.000 Have it more together than I do, and I don't, you know?

00:14:38.000 You know, Stanhope used you as an example in saying why...

00:14:42.000 What not to do.

00:14:43.000 Someone was teaching a comedy class, and he was talking about how confidence is, like, one of the most important things.

00:14:50.000 You have to know you're funny.

00:14:51.000 And then he used you as an example. 1.00

00:14:53.000 He said, that is the dumbest fucking example ever. 1.00

00:14:54.000 It's not true. 1.00

00:14:55.000 There's no, like, hard, fast rules, because look at a towel. 1.00

00:14:58.000 You know, he's brilliant and never believes it.

00:15:01.000 I don't.

00:15:02.000 You don't believe it, but you're one of my favorite comedians.

00:15:04.000 Well, I really come at it from the point of like, I work really off of negativity.

00:15:08.000 So I think that that's kind of like my zone. 0.98

00:15:11.000 That's sort of like my power, my, you know, Iron Man fucking thing in my chest. 0.98

00:15:15.000 So you have to hate even your own act in order for it to work. 0.99

00:15:18.000 Oh, there's so much hate.

00:15:20.000 I have to fly in a day early to pick up all the hate that I know I have.

00:15:25.000 What does that come from?

00:15:26.000 What does it all come from?

00:15:27.000 I don't know.

00:15:28.000 I mean, it's like, you know, first of all, like, you know, it's kind of a great I don't know how you roll with a very cool crowd of excellent fans.

00:15:56.000 Really, you call your own shots, and I just look up to you, man.

00:15:59.000 I mean, I'd bow to you, but I'd probably end up blowing you. 0.99

00:16:02.000 Well, that's ridiculous. 0.96

00:16:04.000 Too early in the podcast. 0.56

00:16:06.000 You're one of my favorite comedians.

00:16:08.000 There's only a few guys that I will go out of my way to see, and you're certainly one of them.

00:16:12.000 Oh, thanks, man.

00:16:13.000 But one of the things that we do different than anybody else is that we go on the road with each other.

00:16:18.000 If we go on the road, it's Brian, it's me, it's Ari, it's Duncan, it's Joey.

00:16:24.000 It's a family.

00:16:25.000 It's essentially a family. 0.99

00:16:26.000 So if we go to eat, we go to eat a fucking thousand times a year. 0.99

00:16:30.000 It's normal. 0.99

00:16:31.000 Yeah, that's great.

00:16:31.000 Mostly all Fogo to Chow.

00:16:33.000 Yeah, we've eaten at Fogo de Chao's in almost every city in the country.

00:16:37.000 You know those Brazilian steakhouses?

00:16:39.000 Have you ever eaten at Fogo de Chao?

00:16:40.000 No, I've never.

00:16:41.000 Hit me to it.

00:16:41.000 What is it?

00:16:42.000 Oh, it's the most amazing creation of culinary excellence.

00:16:45.000 They give you like a little puck, like a hockey puck looking thing.

00:16:49.000 Of meat.

00:16:49.000 No, no, no.

00:16:50.000 This is a chip.

00:16:51.000 It's like a coaster.

00:16:53.000 Yeah, a coaster, yeah.

00:16:54.000 And it's green on one side and red on the other side.

00:16:56.000 And when it's green, they keep coming with the meat.

00:16:58.000 Oh, I've been to one of those, but in Brazil.

00:17:01.000 Oh, in Brazil, yeah.

00:17:02.000 Yeah.

00:17:02.000 It's called a chuhascaria.

00:17:04.000 Wow.

00:17:05.000 Chuhascaria. 1.00

00:17:06.000 They come with just fucking skewers of meat that's cooked over open flames. 0.99

00:17:10.000 I didn't know you were a meat guy. 0.99

00:17:12.000 I thought you were very organic and all that kind of stuff.

00:17:15.000 Well, I eat mostly grass-fed meat.

00:17:17.000 My goal is to ultimately eat grass-fed meat and game.

00:17:21.000 Game, really?

00:17:21.000 I want to eat wild game.

00:17:23.000 What would be your ultimate animal to eat?

00:17:25.000 Of all the animals that ever lived.

00:17:27.000 Deer are delicious.

00:17:28.000 No, but of all the ones that ever lived.

00:17:29.000 Oh, like if I can go back in time.

00:17:31.000 Yeah, like a dinosaur.

00:17:32.000 Yeah, I would like to have a dinosaur steak.

00:17:34.000 Could you imagine what a T-Rex steak would be like?

00:17:36.000 Like T-Rex tenderloins?

00:17:37.000 Tadactyl wings?

00:17:39.000 Well, you can eat alligators.

00:17:41.000 I mean, people eat alligators on a regular basis.

00:17:43.000 The swamp people. 1.00

00:17:44.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:44.000 They eat it all the time for breakfast.

00:17:45.000 Yeah.

00:17:46.000 I've had it.

00:17:47.000 It's not bad.

00:17:48.000 They say it tastes like chicken.

00:17:50.000 It definitely...

00:17:50.000 It doesn't taste like chicken.

00:17:51.000 No, it tastes like alligators.

00:17:52.000 That's what alligators taste like. 1.00

00:17:53.000 It tastes like evil, swampy... 1.00

00:17:55.000 It's an evil fucking... 1.00

00:17:56.000 It's a dinosaur. 1.00

00:17:56.000 It's a dinosaur, isn't it? 1.00

00:17:57.000 Angry monster.

00:17:58.000 Yeah, it's like the panda of the dinosaurs.

00:18:00.000 They're 200 million years old in that shape.

00:18:02.000 They haven't changed.

00:18:03.000 Wow.

00:18:04.000 So they existed more than 130 years before the big asteroid hit that killed all the dinosaurs.

00:18:12.000 They had already been around 130 million years in this form.

00:18:15.000 So we see them wandering around. 0.88

00:18:17.000 They're like the rats of the water world. 0.78

00:18:20.000 The lizard world. 0.95

00:18:21.000 Yeah, they'll eat anything, right? 0.91

00:18:22.000 They're monsters.

00:18:23.000 What's even scarier than them is that they've got pythons in Florida going through the alligator areas now.

00:18:30.000 Feral, wild.

00:18:31.000 And now the pythons have started eating alligators. 1.00

00:18:33.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:18:34.000 I'd love to see that. 1.00

00:18:35.000 Now, that would be an ultimate fight.

00:18:36.000 He's got to pull up the python eating the alligator.

00:18:39.000 We've talked about this in the podcast before because it's just the most crazy thing ever.

00:18:42.000 These snakes have no natural predators.

00:18:45.000 I would have bet on the alligator.

00:18:46.000 I would have thought so, too. 1.00

00:18:47.000 I thought no matter how big the fucking snake is, it's not going to eat an alligator. 0.99

00:18:51.000 Yeah, yeah, exactly. 1.00

00:18:52.000 A snake is like all just fucking nothing. 0.99

00:18:54.000 No bones, no nothing. 0.99

00:18:55.000 But snakes are so gangster. 0.99

00:18:57.000 Snakes do not give a fuck. 0.99

00:18:58.000 And the python, he's not poisonous. 1.00

00:19:00.000 He's just a wrapper.

00:19:01.000 He wraps around you. 0.95

00:19:02.000 Yeah, he crushes you and bites you. 0.81

00:19:03.000 That's the point of the rapper. 0.53

00:19:04.000 See that? 1.00

00:19:05.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

00:19:06.000 That's a 20-foot python with the alligator coming out of its body. 1.00

00:19:09.000 Oh, my God!

00:19:10.000 The tail burst through the body, and the thing died. 1.00

00:19:12.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:19:13.000 Look at the size of that thing. 1.00

00:19:15.000 That thing is fucking enormous. 0.98

00:19:17.000 I mean, it's really hard to imagine how big that must be in real life. 0.99

00:19:21.000 If you were out there on that water, it's wide around like a man's waist. 0.99

00:19:26.000 It's fucking huge! 0.99

00:19:28.000 That would be the ultimate Christmas card to send to somebody you hate. 1.00

00:19:33.000 Thinking of you. 0.99

00:19:34.000 May your alligator get eaten by a python. 1.00

00:19:37.000 Your agent. 0.99

00:19:38.000 Your agent. 1.00

00:19:40.000 We have this weird thing about keeping those fucks alive, too. 1.00

00:19:43.000 There's these people in Florida right now that are working really hard to bring back the crocodile, the American crocodile. 0.99

00:19:49.000 Well, isn't that the alligator?

00:19:50.000 No, crocodile's a different species.

00:19:52.000 It's more aggressive.

00:19:53.000 They have a longer, pointier snout, and they're more aggressive and explosive.

00:19:57.000 And one of them just ate a dog in the Keys, in the Florida Keys.

00:20:00.000 That is the worst.

00:20:01.000 Pulled a dog off a dock.

00:20:02.000 Losing a dog to a croc, that's going to be the worst. 0.67

00:20:05.000 Yeah, a monster!

00:20:06.000 But in Australia, that's going to happen like every three minutes or something.

00:20:09.000 Well, they have scarier crocs.

00:20:10.000 They have the big crocs. 0.70

00:20:11.000 American crocs are not that big.

00:20:12.000 What isn't scary in Australia?

00:20:14.000 Yeah, right?

00:20:14.000 I mean, really, honestly.

00:20:15.000 You go in the ocean, there's the Great White, you're hanging out, there's an alligator.

00:20:18.000 Then there's the dogs, the dingoes.

00:20:20.000 Yeah.

00:20:20.000 Wow, it just stinks.

00:20:22.000 Yeah, Australia. 0.95

00:20:22.000 And you can only live in a certain part of it. 0.95

00:20:24.000 Exactly. 0.98

00:20:24.000 The whole middle kind of sucks. 0.98

00:20:26.000 The whole middle's death. 1.00

00:20:27.000 It's just fucking the bush. 1.00

00:20:29.000 It's just death. 1.00

00:20:30.000 What a great place to disappear.

00:20:31.000 There's got to be like no cell phone service there.

00:20:33.000 Yeah, if you wanted, if you were like some dude who could survive and you were down with trying to live in the woods, you could escape to Australia and they wouldn't even go looking for you.

00:20:43.000 They'd be like...

00:20:44.000 Well, Joe, man, I was in New York during the...

00:20:47.000 Hurricane Sandy and we were talking this a little bit before the show but like you got a doomsday prep.

00:20:53.000 I mean like unfortunately I prepped for the wrong doomsday.

00:20:56.000 Which one did you prep for?

00:20:57.000 I don't know.

00:20:58.000 Invasion of Clowns.

00:21:00.000 I don't know.

00:21:00.000 Like I prepped for a good one.

00:21:02.000 A good one but annoying like clowns would be everywhere and we have to fight them off with like water guns and stuff like that. 0.98

00:21:08.000 Clown them rappers. 0.98

00:21:08.000 Yeah exactly. 0.98

00:21:09.000 And this was like just fucking it was like apocalyptic. 0.99

00:21:12.000 It really was. 0.99

00:21:13.000 That's hilarious.

00:21:14.000 I mean, no power.

00:21:16.000 Did you expect it to be like that, or was it way crazier than you expected?

00:21:20.000 You know, the thing about New York, though, is since 9-11, our first responders are top-notch.

00:21:25.000 They really step up.

00:21:27.000 They know what to do.

00:21:27.000 They got plans and all that kind of stuff.

00:21:29.000 But nobody, I guess, expected New York City tsunami wave hitting us, knocking out power for two weeks.

00:21:36.000 And then there's Staten Island and Jersey, where they got it even harder.

00:21:40.000 But You take the power out of New York City and you got Somalia, basically. 0.99

00:21:44.000 It's just a freaky, weird, scary town.

00:21:46.000 Yeah, it's really strange when you see how easy the film that covers...

00:21:53.000 Civilization can be removed and people are savage.

00:21:56.000 It just becomes survival.

00:21:58.000 You really have to worry about survival because the first responders are excellent, don't get me wrong, but they're overwhelmed.

00:22:05.000 The sheer number is impossible to deal with.

00:22:07.000 There was parts of the city where I was just walking around and it was just dark.

00:22:11.000 And, like, guys would roll up on you like you can't see them.

00:22:14.000 And I'm pretty good, like, knowing what's happening.

00:22:16.000 And guys would roll up on me and I'm like, whoa, this is like a Chuck Norris.

00:22:19.000 You know that scene in every Chuck Norris movie where he's, like, in the factory?

00:22:21.000 Right, right, right.

00:22:22.000 And it's like, you know, a box knocks over.

00:22:23.000 Yeah.

00:22:24.000 It was like that kind of thing.

00:22:25.000 Like, just...

00:22:25.000 Weird, scary faces and just sounds.

00:22:28.000 Yeah, what is it like to walk around a street at night with no lights on at all?

00:22:32.000 Gun.

00:22:32.000 Say it.

00:22:32.000 No gun.

00:22:33.000 No gun? 1.00

00:22:35.000 I was like, fuck, what am I going to find him with? 1.00

00:22:37.000 Sarcasm? 1.00

00:22:37.000 What's going on here? 1.00

00:22:38.000 So you were walking to where you had to go, to and fro in your neighborhood, and there was no lights on for days.

00:22:45.000 No lights.

00:22:46.000 Where I lived, there was lights.

00:22:48.000 But we did shows at the Kamisola, which is in the village.

00:22:50.000 They had no lights up until almost the last day.

00:22:52.000 And we were doing shows to Generators, which is kind of cool in a way, but bad, because it went out when I was on.

00:22:57.000 But it went out, and all these flashlights and candles started popping out of the crowd.

00:23:02.000 It was like that scene in Requiem for a Dream.

00:23:04.000 You know that scene where they're like, ass to ass, the flashlights on the check, and all that kind of stuff? 0.53

00:23:08.000 So it was really a freaky show, but it was a good show.

00:23:11.000 But when you're walking around the streets, you're like, okay, this is like, what can I fight whoever comes at me with a weapon?

00:23:19.000 And there's a lot of homeless...

00:23:21.000 People coming off of their meds, too.

00:23:23.000 So they have the extra evil in them.

00:23:26.000 Oh, that's right.

00:23:27.000 Because they can't get their meds because there's no power.

00:23:29.000 It was like zombie style.

00:23:30.000 It was zombie. 1.00

00:23:31.000 It was Walking Dead kind of shit. 1.00

00:23:33.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

00:23:33.000 That's scary as fuck. 1.00

00:23:35.000 Now, was there a lot of that? 0.99

00:23:36.000 Was there a lot of muggings?

00:23:38.000 I think there was.

00:23:40.000 There was some looting.

00:23:41.000 There was some whatever.

00:23:42.000 But it wasn't like Katrina.

00:23:43.000 Because I talked to guys who were in Katrina.

00:23:44.000 And everybody was like, this is our Katrina. 0.99

00:23:47.000 It's like, fuck no. 0.99

00:23:48.000 Katrina was like, The end of the earth. 1.00

00:23:50.000 That was the end of the world there.

00:23:52.000 That was like weeks and weeks and weeks, no help, you know, and no power, and it was hot and all that stuff.

00:23:57.000 In New York, it was a little bit better than that, that's for sure.

00:24:00.000 It's better than that, but it still lets you know what can go wrong in the biggest city in the world.

00:24:06.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:24:07.000 When that happens, when the biggest city in the world gets essentially shut down for two weeks, that's a real eye-opener.

00:24:12.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:24:13.000 And, you know, like people trying to get into the city, and they had to do, you know, like buses and All the trains were like, exactly.

00:24:19.000 Somebody should kayak through these tunnels just to do it, to say like I did it.

00:24:23.000 I didn't even think about what it must be like at night with no power.

00:24:27.000 I didn't even think about it.

00:24:28.000 It must have been so strange.

00:24:29.000 I would have stayed inside.

00:24:30.000 I would not have left.

00:24:33.000 It's kind of like, how do you see where you're going?

00:24:35.000 It's scary.

00:24:36.000 Unless it's a full moon, how do you see where you're going?

00:24:38.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:24:39.000 You know, the scariest thing I saw was when I was driving around, like I was in a cab, And cabs, by the way, were incredibly hard to get at that point.

00:24:47.000 But there was like a candle in a window of a project.

00:24:50.000 And I'm like, this is what it's going to look like after a nuclear winter.

00:24:53.000 Just like one holdout guy in a project somewhere like Charlton Heston in the Omega Man kind of thing.

00:25:02.000 And I was like, this is it.

00:25:04.000 This is what it looks like.

00:25:06.000 It freaked a lot of people out.

00:25:08.000 But then I think the gas thing freaked them out even more. 0.94

00:25:11.000 The fact they couldn't get gas for their generators and cars and shit. 0.56

00:25:14.000 They're online for like 12, 15 hours. 0.95

00:25:16.000 Yeah, I talked to a friend who said he was online.

00:25:19.000 It was 2.30 in the afternoon.

00:25:20.000 He had been there since 6 in the morning, and he still hasn't gotten gas yet.

00:25:23.000 Oh, easily, easily, yeah.

00:25:25.000 That's crazy.

00:25:25.000 We never, we never, I don't think even the government, local, whatever, state thought like, there's going to be a gas problem, you know, and nobody was ready, so.

00:25:34.000 Wow.

00:25:35.000 You need that gas for the generators, too, so.

00:25:37.000 Jesus Christ, especially in the places...

00:25:39.000 Am I bringing everyone down?

00:25:39.000 But it was bad.

00:25:40.000 Did you get any material from it at all?

00:25:42.000 Oh yeah, I got tons.

00:25:43.000 I mean, the whole idea of basically doing shows...

00:25:48.000 In New York, the top of the line guys who pull the most pwn are the hedge fund guys, the club DJ, the male model who's bi or whatever...

00:25:59.000 But that week, it was all like renaissance fair skills, like candle maker, blacksmith, you know, any guy who could hook a bike up to a light, you know, he would get like, you know...

00:26:09.000 Definitely.

00:26:09.000 At least a reach around.

00:26:11.000 I watched that Yukon Man show.

00:26:12.000 Have you ever seen that show?

00:26:13.000 Those shows are important.

00:26:14.000 They have generators that work on water flow.

00:26:18.000 So they take a generator.

00:26:20.000 They set it up at their camp.

00:26:20.000 They have a fish camp.

00:26:22.000 And they put this generator.

00:26:23.000 They set it up.

00:26:24.000 And then they attach these tubes to it.

00:26:26.000 And they stick the tubes in the creek.

00:26:28.000 And the water coming down the creek goes through the tubes.

00:26:31.000 And by the time it focuses in this one area, it spins this thing around and starts a generator.

00:26:36.000 I want that. 0.98

00:26:37.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:26:38.000 I watch it. 1.00

00:26:39.000 He pulls the cord and it's going on.

00:26:41.000 He's got electricity 100% from the creek spinning this generator.

00:26:45.000 So as long as this generator keeps working, he had his lights on and the whole thing.

00:26:49.000 It's crazy.

00:26:50.000 That really is the one thing that you need is power.

00:26:53.000 It really is the one thing that separates us from animals.

00:26:56.000 Well, we've somehow or another just accepted that that's going to be around.

00:26:59.000 Even though it's only been here for 150 years or whatever the hell it's been, we're so used to it.

00:27:04.000 A million years of human beings and 150 years of power.

00:27:08.000 We're just like, that's how we do it.

00:27:10.000 We got power.

00:27:11.000 I could see myself going to my ex-girlfriend's house and just hanging out because she would have all the candles in the world and canned soup. 0.82

00:27:19.000 The amount of candles a girl has is directly proportionate to exactly how long she will cry after you have sex with her. 0.97

00:27:27.000 But yeah, girls were prepped a little bit harder than dudes. 0.54

00:27:30.000 Candles, Mentos, you know. 1.00

00:27:32.000 If there's like 30 candles, that bitch is going to cry for a while. 1.00

00:27:34.000 Lip balm is petroleum-based, you know, whatever. 1.00

00:27:36.000 Girl shit. 1.00

00:27:38.000 Yeah, they have a lot of different things to help you in survival situations. 0.99

00:27:41.000 And I'll tell you, you know who really did not step up for this crisis?

00:27:45.000 The dogs of New York City. 1.00

00:27:47.000 Because like, Every other person in New York has a dog, but it's all these faggoty-ass little dogs. 1.00

00:27:51.000 So they've been genetically built. 0.99

00:27:53.000 All the cool wolf qualities that would have helped were gone.

00:27:57.000 So they're like, what are we going to do?

00:27:59.000 Give me food.

00:28:00.000 Were you there when the snow hit afterwards?

00:28:02.000 No, I was already out of there.

00:28:04.000 But that was like a one-two punch of sadness. 1.00

00:28:06.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:28:07.000 A blizzard. 1.00

00:28:08.000 And the really scary thing is that they're saying...

00:28:10.000 Who's the governor?

00:28:12.000 Cuomo?

00:28:12.000 Andrew Cuomo?

00:28:13.000 Yes.

00:28:13.000 Yeah, he's a good guy, though.

00:28:14.000 He seems like a good guy.

00:28:15.000 He said something really interesting.

00:28:17.000 He said, I don't want to use the term climate change.

00:28:19.000 I'm paraphrasing him because it's such a loaded topic.

00:28:22.000 He said, but his father had to deal with, in 12 years, he had to deal with two major storm events.

00:28:28.000 And he's like, I've been here for 12 months and I've had to deal with three.

00:28:32.000 Wow.

00:28:33.000 So he's saying, it's very possible something's going on.

00:28:37.000 I think there's definitely something going on.

00:28:38.000 No, that's never happened in New York before.

00:28:40.000 Well, you know, a buddy of mine, I assume you know him too, Big Jay Oakerson?

00:28:45.000 Yes.

00:28:46.000 He's a great guy.

00:28:46.000 I know of him.

00:28:47.000 You know of him?

00:28:47.000 Okay, yeah.

00:28:48.000 You probably haven't worked with him yet.

00:28:49.000 But really funny guy.

00:28:50.000 He's toured with me a couple times.

00:28:51.000 His house was wiped out.

00:28:52.000 He was like in the flood zone, zone A or whatever.

00:28:56.000 It really is weird when a flood comes at your house.

00:29:00.000 I'm lucky.

00:29:00.000 I lived up in skyscrapers.

00:29:03.000 But the scary part about that is if the power goes out, then you're kind of stuck.

00:29:08.000 Up there until whatever happens.

00:29:11.000 You're stuck up there until the water drains out.

00:29:13.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:29:13.000 That's scary shit. 1.00

00:29:15.000 It's like a skeleton, basically, in a pile of porn. 1.00

00:29:18.000 I believe in the theory that it was a terrorist attack.

00:29:21.000 You think so?

00:29:21.000 And I think all the terrorists are now hot weather ladies with beards.

00:29:25.000 Neptune Lawton.

00:29:26.000 Well, your first part made sense. 1.00

00:29:28.000 The second part is just like your Hitler cat with the fucking dynamite strapped to his chest. 1.00

00:29:32.000 I don't know what you're trying to do there. 0.99

00:29:34.000 And a lot of people were just basically milling around a lot of fires on the street, like people making fires and cooking out on the street, which I think they should allow them to do.

00:29:43.000 Oh, hell yeah.

00:29:44.000 Why not?

00:29:45.000 Keep a sense of social connectedness.

00:29:50.000 Yeah, well, it was bad. 0.99

00:29:51.000 Were there food shortages at supermarkets and shit? 0.99

00:29:54.000 Great question. 0.99

00:29:55.000 Yes, like the first night, everybody prepped in terms of like, You better buy milk and bread.

00:30:00.000 They always say that.

00:30:01.000 Milk and bread.

00:30:02.000 For all the, you know, whatchamacallit, French toast that we make.

00:30:07.000 And then, like, the next day, you know, you're like, okay, there'll be more.

00:30:10.000 Nothing.

00:30:11.000 There was nothing left.

00:30:12.000 All the people from downtown who didn't have access to food came uptown like a horde.

00:30:16.000 And, like, no, whatchamacallit.

00:30:18.000 It was good that they did it because they had no food.

00:30:20.000 And they kind of swept through all the bodegas and stuff like that, so it was like wiped out.

00:30:25.000 Wow.

00:30:26.000 That must have been strange.

00:30:27.000 Yeah, I mean, like you always assume in America there's going to be food, you know?

00:30:30.000 The other thing is the cell phone towers were down too.

00:30:33.000 So even if you had a cell phone, you couldn't call anybody.

00:30:36.000 My friend Tommy said he drove six hours to make a cell phone call.

00:30:41.000 He had to just drive around until he could find service.

00:30:43.000 But it was six hours before you...

00:30:45.000 That's crazy.

00:30:47.000 Coco had service though.

00:30:48.000 Did you see the video she was posting of her in the rain?

00:30:51.000 Who's Coco?

00:30:52.000 Ice-T's wife. 0.89

00:30:53.000 How dare you?

00:30:54.000 She had special bling service.

00:30:56.000 She had cell phone service?

00:30:58.000 Yeah, she had cell phone service and she was just posting these awesome videos of her in the hurricane, like rain hitting her while she's wearing no clothes. 0.99

00:31:05.000 She's like, oh, it's so rainy outside.

00:31:07.000 It's great.

00:31:08.000 It's like a video.

00:31:09.000 A rap video.

00:31:11.000 A wet t-shirt exploration.

00:31:14.000 It was an entire wet t-shirt.

00:31:15.000 And like Jersey, you played Atlantic City many times, right?

00:31:18.000 I've only played it a couple times. 0.99

00:31:19.000 Okay, because that place without power is fucking scary. 0.98

00:31:22.000 Oh, Atlantic City is terrifying with power. 0.99

00:31:24.000 It really is.

00:31:25.000 It's a strange place.

00:31:26.000 It really is.

00:31:27.000 Because that whole area around Atlantic City is dark.

00:31:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:31:31.000 It's a scary fucking depressed area. 0.99

00:31:33.000 The last thing you ever want to do is be a young black kid growing up in Camden. 1.00

00:31:40.000 That's a fucking bad part of the country right now. 0.99

00:31:44.000 But I have to say, I don't know, if the governor or whatever told you to evacuate, would you do it? 0.96

00:31:50.000 Well, it all depends on how much money you have.

00:31:52.000 That's part of the problem.

00:31:53.000 Some people can't evacuate.

00:31:54.000 There's nothing they can do.

00:31:55.000 They can't go anywhere, right?

00:31:57.000 We have to accept the fact that there's been a bunch of these massive events.

00:32:02.000 Is that Coco?

00:32:03.000 Yeah, look at this.

00:32:04.000 Look behind you, Joe.

00:32:05.000 It's Liver.

00:32:06.000 She's doing her own reporting. 0.99

00:32:07.000 That is the most ridiculous. 1.00

00:32:09.000 That really is ridiculous. 0.99

00:32:11.000 With these bags of water. 0.99

00:32:13.000 It's just like, look at my boobs, how wet they are.

00:32:15.000 That's her tropical storm outfit. 0.96

00:32:16.000 It's crazy.

00:32:18.000 She must be awesome to have conversations with.

00:32:20.000 Oh, dude, I love this girl.

00:32:22.000 No wonder why Ice-T is always playing video games.

00:32:24.000 What are you talking about?

00:32:26.000 He plays video games and he's like, come over here with this body. 0.94

00:32:29.000 You love her body? 0.99

00:32:30.000 I love the fake butt. 0.99

00:32:32.000 When I was in Dayton, there was a girl with a fake butt. 1.00

00:32:34.000 Did you really like that? 0.99

00:32:34.000 I think it's the next boob for real. 0.99

00:32:36.000 This girl in Dayton, a stripper, had a fake butt and it was like the double D's of fake butts. 1.00

00:32:41.000 It was so amazing looking. 0.99

00:32:43.000 She looked like a cartoon character. 0.97

00:32:44.000 Does that affect the way they sent?

00:32:47.000 No, she sat...

00:32:48.000 Really well.

00:32:50.000 Can she dirt bike ride? 1.00

00:32:51.000 No, and she let me feel them, because I wanted to see if I could feel it like a fake boob. 1.00

00:32:55.000 It just felt like butt, because I guess there's so much fat back there. 0.94

00:32:58.000 There's a lot of fat to hide the implants behind. 0.99

00:33:02.000 So it felt like a fake butt, and each one looked like a triple-double-D boob, like a humongous boob. 0.99

00:33:08.000 You could put a drink on top of it. 0.99

00:33:10.000 Well, that's the latest thing in porno movies, right? 0.97

00:33:13.000 Do you see that a lot, is the fake butts now? 0.93

00:33:15.000 I forget what they call that, but yeah, the badonk, you know, make it the booty reboot, I guess you would call it.

00:33:21.000 But yeah. 0.99

00:33:22.000 Isn't it amazing that the shape of the ass has that much of an effect on us? 0.99

00:33:27.000 It's monkey jeans, dude. 0.99

00:33:28.000 It's more even than, like, than the personality. 1.00

00:33:32.000 Like, a girl with a nice personality and she turns around and her ass is just ridiculous. 1.00

00:33:36.000 Like, oh my god. 1.00

00:33:37.000 It's like the shape.

00:33:38.000 Do you like a big one or what do you like?

00:33:40.000 Oh yeah, I love it.

00:33:40.000 You like a big, yeah, a big boot.

00:33:42.000 I like a shapely... 1.00

00:33:45.000 Tone, round, juicy ass. 1.00

00:33:46.000 I mean, that's what it looked like. 1.00

00:33:48.000 But hers was a little bit bigger than that.

00:33:50.000 That might be real, bro.

00:33:51.000 No, this is called fake bloods.

00:33:52.000 That looks like it's pointing.

00:33:54.000 Oh, that's... 1.00

00:33:55.000 Okay, somebody photoshopped that shit. 1.00

00:33:58.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:33:59.000 No, when we were doing the porn show, you and me, Joe, you were one of our amazingly greatest guests.

00:34:05.000 We were kind of, I think, had a difference of opinion with this.

00:34:09.000 Dave's Old Porn is the show.

00:34:11.000 It's on Showtime, and it's Dave and his friends sitting around watching videos of old porn from the golden era. 0.88

00:34:19.000 And you were one of the ultimate, you were the Hawkeye of the Last of the Mohegans of porn, dude. 1.00

00:34:23.000 You know what you're doing. 0.62

00:34:24.000 I know too much.

00:34:25.000 You really knew it.

00:34:25.000 It's embarrassing.

00:34:26.000 Taja Ray, you kept throwing that name out. 0.99

00:34:28.000 And I was like, holy shit. 0.99

00:34:29.000 I had to go through my porn head to find out. 0.99

00:34:32.000 I was like, excellent.

00:34:33.000 So thank you.

00:34:34.000 There were so many.

00:34:35.000 And your show's Thursday.

00:34:36.000 Your episode's Thursday.

00:34:39.000 Joe's episode.

00:34:39.000 Yeah, this week.

00:34:40.000 Joe and Ginger Lynn.

00:34:42.000 Showtime.

00:34:43.000 For some reason, Joe, you know her.

00:34:45.000 Well, she did my first CD. She did an introduction to this song that I wrote.

00:34:50.000 It was on my first CD. She's cool, man.

00:34:52.000 She's very nice.

00:34:53.000 She used to come around the comedy store all the time. 0.99

00:34:55.000 Really?

00:34:56.000 Yeah, that's how I knew her.

00:34:58.000 Very nice person.

00:34:59.000 Her body, by the way, Ginger Lynn's body, I think is perfect. 0.87

00:35:02.000 Yeah, well, back in the day, you couldn't get much better.

00:35:07.000 She looked like she was athletic when she was younger, but she was just curvy, but not too big. 0.61

00:35:16.000 She had an amazing body. 1.00

00:35:18.000 She really did.

00:35:19.000 I mean, her rack is like, I guess you could say it's like a B or something like that.

00:35:23.000 Yeah, perfect though.

00:35:23.000 But it totally fits with her body and her face.

00:35:25.000 She's just like a little angel.

00:35:27.000 It was really...

00:35:28.000 That was a hard episode to edit, you know?

00:35:30.000 A lot of breaks.

00:35:32.000 Yeah. 0.53

00:35:35.000 I was not jerking off to you, but I was semi-turgent while you were on the screen, but it was a lot of hard work there. 0.97

00:35:42.000 It's kind of a funny show because you have us and we're sitting on the couch and the couch will grow or shrink depending on where the genitals are in the scene. 0.96

00:35:51.000 So that's what it is.

00:35:53.000 The couch is covering the sex organs while they're doing it and then we're commenting on the video.

00:35:59.000 It was fun, dude.

00:36:00.000 I really enjoyed it.

00:36:01.000 You, of course, knowing porn so well, you brought up something that a lot of guys have problems with, which is the male star not being able to get wood.

00:36:08.000 You don't like that.

00:36:10.000 Well, she told us what it was about.

00:36:13.000 Ginger did.

00:36:14.000 She said they were all coked up.

00:36:15.000 Yeah, there's a lot of blows.

00:36:17.000 Which makes sense.

00:36:17.000 Yeah.

00:36:18.000 It's going to be embarrassing as fuck for the guy. 0.97

00:36:20.000 You know, somehow it all leads to Tony, whatchamacallit, Lance Armstrong. 0.96

00:36:25.000 Well, they should have never used the footage.

00:36:27.000 There's footage where this guy never gets a heart on. 1.00

00:36:31.000 He's banging her and his dick is half limp. 1.00

00:36:33.000 He's barely shoving it in. 1.00

00:36:35.000 He's pretending it's amazing.

00:36:38.000 That's a terrible piece of work you did there.

00:36:40.000 That's not sexy.

00:36:42.000 That doesn't get you excited.

00:36:43.000 It's like getting drunk before you go on stage.

00:36:45.000 It's like, can't you just wait?

00:36:46.000 An hour. 1.00

00:36:47.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

00:36:49.000 It is a sad thing. 1.00

00:36:51.000 Well, it's a fun thing when a guy's drunk on stage and he's having a great time.

00:36:54.000 I've seen Kreischer hammered on stage, killing it.

00:36:57.000 I've seen videos of guys pull it off.

00:37:00.000 Ron White pulls it off.

00:37:01.000 But it's sad when you're drunk on stage and you're not doing well.

00:37:04.000 Yeah, it's hard.

00:37:05.000 But Ron is a good drinker.

00:37:07.000 Ron is one of my buddies and he is like, He's a classy drinker.

00:37:10.000 Yeah, he's a black belt. 0.96

00:37:11.000 Yeah, he's excellent at it.

00:37:12.000 He's a black belt in drinking. 0.96

00:37:14.000 But in the porn world, back especially in the 70s and 80s, like, you know, Blow back then was like considered, I don't know, you said Adderall.

00:37:20.000 It was kind of the Adderall of our, you know, of our time.

00:37:23.000 And people just did it.

00:37:25.000 You know, it was like fun and it kind of got them up.

00:37:27.000 And, you know, it's a sexy gig.

00:37:29.000 And so they, you know, maybe they overdid it. 0.99

00:37:31.000 But still, I mean, hey, you know, I'm sure that Blow was a lot better than the shit out there now. 0.99

00:37:35.000 You think so? 0.99

00:37:36.000 I don't know.

00:37:36.000 You think they had like the real stuff back then?

00:37:38.000 Yeah, I think it was a lot purer, more like, you know, that was like the heyday of like, you know, just powder.

00:37:43.000 It's funny that they just accept the fact that it's going to be cut up.

00:37:47.000 It's like, it's so, coke is so, it's such a watered down drug.

00:37:51.000 Everybody accepts the fact that it's been cut up.

00:37:53.000 Yeah.

00:37:54.000 It's just universal.

00:37:55.000 You can imagine, like, you ever watch those shows like, you know, the drug ink, like when they show the guys making it in Columbia?

00:38:01.000 You know?

00:38:01.000 And they just chew on the leaves.

00:38:02.000 Like, I wonder what that's like.

00:38:03.000 I've had that.

00:38:04.000 I've had that in a tea form.

00:38:06.000 Oh, okay.

00:38:06.000 They take those leaves and just make a tea out of it.

00:38:09.000 Oh.

00:38:10.000 It's very uppy.

00:38:11.000 It gives you like an up. 0.99

00:38:13.000 I didn't like it because what I didn't like about it is that I couldn't shut the fuck up. 0.87

00:38:17.000 Can you imagine the podcast if you were on that? 0.98

00:38:20.000 It would be brutal.

00:38:21.000 I was with Stanhope when I did it.

00:38:24.000 We did mushrooms.

00:38:25.000 It was the day of the Iraq War.

00:38:27.000 We were in the desert, tripping our balls off, and I was drinking this tea.

00:38:32.000 I drank the tea first, and the tea kicked in before the mushrooms even kicked in.

00:38:36.000 I was like, this tea is killing me.

00:38:38.000 How do you guys even...

00:38:39.000 He is amazing. 1.00

00:38:40.000 He's like the Timothy Leary of this shit. 0.99

00:38:44.000 How do you guys... 1.00

00:38:45.000 Tea?

00:38:46.000 How do you get that?

00:38:47.000 I got it from a buddy who had just gotten back from Peru.

00:38:51.000 Yeah, Peru is the place.

00:38:53.000 Yeah, Peru.

00:38:54.000 Inca tea.

00:38:55.000 They chew those leaves.

00:38:56.000 You know what's fascinating?

00:38:57.000 Coca-Cola is the number one importer for coca leaves in this country.

00:39:01.000 I didn't know that.

00:39:02.000 Yeah, they literally take the coca leaves, that's like one of the secret ingredients in Coca-Cola, that it used to have cocaine in it.

00:39:10.000 That's like one of the big things.

00:39:12.000 Well, it doesn't have cocaine in it anymore, but they still use the extract of the coca leaf.

00:39:18.000 And they have some deal with some medical manufacturing firm that takes the leaves and takes the cocaine out of them.

00:39:31.000 So Coca-Cola gets it. 0.96

00:39:33.000 They use it for the flavonoids or whatever the fuck they use that makes it taste a certain way. 0.97

00:39:39.000 And this company makes cocaine out of it. 0.97

00:39:41.000 I read this whole article describing how it's all done. 1.00

00:39:45.000 It's fucking bananas. 0.99

00:39:46.000 So they have like a special take the fun out of the machine. 1.00

00:39:49.000 Yes.

00:39:49.000 What they're going to do with weed pretty soon.

00:39:51.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:39:51.000 Jewish people.

00:39:52.000 I was going to say that.

00:39:52.000 In Israel, they're doing that thing now where they're taking out all the fun of the weed.

00:39:56.000 Just for the medicinal.

00:39:57.000 Why?

00:39:58.000 Yeah, really.

00:39:59.000 It's like O'Doul's of weed or something.

00:40:02.000 Yeah, well, they're figuring out that there's different things that do different things inside of marijuana.

00:40:08.000 And one of them is CBDs, I guess.

00:40:10.000 What's that?

00:40:10.000 I don't know.

00:40:11.000 Something else.

00:40:12.000 They're not exactly cannabinoids.

00:40:15.000 Or maybe it is a cannabinoid, but it's a non-psychoactive one.

00:40:18.000 But it helps different ailments.

00:40:21.000 Well, marijuana is very healthy to eat.

00:40:24.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:40:24.000 Hemp.

00:40:25.000 Yeah, not even hemp, like the actual plant itself, if you could juice it, if you juice hemp, it's really good for you.

00:40:33.000 If you were like, let's say like a doomsday prepping question here, if you were like in a place where there was only like pot plants to eat, you could eat them?

00:40:39.000 Oh yeah, you could eat them.

00:40:41.000 They're super nutritious.

00:40:42.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:40:42.000 You can make like a salad out of them and it wouldn't get you high at all.

00:40:46.000 But it would be really healthy.

00:40:48.000 I guess you'd have to try it out though.

00:40:50.000 Oh, okay.

00:40:51.000 Because that would be kind of cool, like a little like pot cereal.

00:40:53.000 Yeah.

00:40:54.000 We pour some soy milk on it or the cocoa.

00:40:56.000 What's the stuff that you guys are doing here?

00:40:58.000 Cocoa Cafe.

00:40:59.000 Cocoa Cafe.

00:41:00.000 This is some stuff that they sent me.

00:41:02.000 It's coconut juice or coconut water mixed with coffee.

00:41:08.000 Espresso.

00:41:09.000 That would be so cool for your kids.

00:41:10.000 You'd have to be the worst parent or the coolest parent.

00:41:13.000 It was like, kids, time for school.

00:41:15.000 Here's some of your pot.

00:41:17.000 Cocoa Coffee.

00:41:18.000 I think it's hard enough being a kid going to school high.

00:41:22.000 Oh my god, that's delicious, dude.

00:41:24.000 It's great, isn't it?

00:41:25.000 It's like chocolate milk.

00:41:26.000 Do you want one of these, man?

00:41:27.000 Sure.

00:41:29.000 That's great.

00:41:30.000 They sent me a couple cases.

00:41:31.000 Can you just get these anywhere?

00:41:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:41:35.000 It's called Coco Cafe.

00:41:37.000 Oh my god, it's like chocolate milk.

00:41:39.000 I like the packaging, too.

00:41:40.000 It's yummy.

00:41:40.000 It's excellent.

00:41:41.000 It's yummy.

00:41:41.000 It's very good.

00:41:42.000 There's a lot of these coconut water combinations that really suck a dick. 0.99

00:41:47.000 Some of them are terrible. 0.99

00:41:48.000 Coconut water and vodka is pretty good.

00:41:50.000 Oh yeah?

00:41:51.000 It's a good taste? 0.97

00:41:52.000 But a lot of these companies have shitty taste in coconut water. 0.89

00:41:57.000 You gotta get coconut water. 0.76

00:41:58.000 The reason why C2O's coconut water is the most delicious is it's a totally different coconut tree.

00:42:04.000 They get their coconuts from Thailand from one small place, one plantation.

00:42:10.000 The coconuts...

00:42:10.000 The trees are like a short tree.

00:42:12.000 It's only like five feet tall.

00:42:14.000 It's a totally different tree.

00:42:15.000 Like, you picture those big, tall coconut trees? 1.00

00:42:17.000 Those apparently taste like dog shit. 1.00

00:42:19.000 Okay. 1.00

00:42:19.000 Like, that's... 1.00

00:42:20.000 Most people are getting their coconut water from those. 0.98

00:42:23.000 But the boutique places like C2O, like C2O, they're really cool and they send us free shit, too. 0.95

00:42:30.000 And they have the most delicious coconut water. 0.97

00:42:32.000 It's like very sweet.

00:42:33.000 I like it, man.

00:42:34.000 It tastes good. 0.99

00:42:34.000 But ultimately, you can't fuck with fresh coconut water. 0.99

00:42:37.000 You ever get it, like, right from a coconut? 0.99

00:42:38.000 Every time I go to a Thai restaurant.

00:42:40.000 If you go to a Thai restaurant, or even some Chinese, or whatever, but they all have fresh coconuts.

00:42:45.000 And I never knew this, and they just split the top off, and it's delicious. 1.00

00:42:49.000 And you take a spoon, and you eat the white shit. 1.00

00:42:51.000 What is that again, the white shit in there? 1.00

00:42:52.000 It's coconut meat. 1.00

00:42:53.000 It's coconut cum.

00:42:54.000 It's really super healthy for you, too. 0.74

00:42:56.000 Especially that water.

00:42:57.000 That water from a fresh coconut.

00:43:00.000 It feels so good after you've worked out.

00:43:02.000 It's delicious.

00:43:03.000 To this day, Coca-Cola still imports cocoa leaves, which are used to manufacture cocaine in the United States.

00:43:09.000 Isn't that nuts?

00:43:09.000 I didn't know that.

00:43:11.000 Hey, I'm for it, though.

00:43:12.000 I'm for all legalization of all drugs.

00:43:14.000 Colorado.

00:43:14.000 They just legalized the recreational pot.

00:43:17.000 In Washington.

00:43:18.000 There you go.

00:43:19.000 It's going to be interesting to see what the federal government decides to do about that.

00:43:22.000 Yeah.

00:43:23.000 They step in and decide to start arresting people. 1.00

00:43:25.000 I think they should leave them the fuck alone. 0.99

00:43:26.000 That's what they should have done a long time ago. 0.99

00:43:28.000 Yeah, just let it happen.

00:43:29.000 The problem is it doesn't ever seem like anybody wants to relax.

00:43:33.000 In this country, yes.

00:43:34.000 Everybody's always trying to rest.

00:43:35.000 There's no relaxing of laws.

00:43:37.000 It's like an acceleration of laws.

00:43:40.000 Especially, the other problem is that the economy's down.

00:43:43.000 And when the economy's down, It's hard to tell people, you know, we're going to change laws and put people out of work who are law enforcement officers.

00:43:53.000 Because that's what would happen. 0.98

00:43:54.000 I mean, if you all of a sudden made marijuana completely legal and you didn't need DEA agents to chase after weed, you'd have a lot of fucking unemployed people. 0.96

00:44:02.000 There's a lot of people that... 0.94

00:44:04.000 There are a lot of arrests.

00:44:06.000 If you look at all the arrests, there's millions of arrests attributed every year that are marijuana-related.

00:44:11.000 And those all equal...

00:44:13.000 Law enforcement officers have to work, you know, the people at the jail.

00:44:17.000 There's like lawyers, court fees.

00:44:19.000 There's money to be made in keeping it illegal.

00:44:22.000 And so that's one of the hardest parts about making anything legal is the money behind it.

00:44:27.000 But how does it work?

00:44:28.000 Like you live in Colorado, okay?

00:44:30.000 So you want to buy some pot.

00:44:32.000 So what do you do?

00:44:32.000 You go to a store?

00:44:33.000 Is there a truck?

00:44:34.000 You flag it down like an ice cream truck?

00:44:35.000 Well, I think it's going to be, you're going to have a certain amount that you're allowed to have.

00:44:40.000 And right now, it's the only medical setup in the country where they allow the growers to make a profit.

00:44:48.000 In California, you're not supposed to make a profit. 0.96

00:44:50.000 That's ridiculous. 0.98

00:44:51.000 Yeah. 0.77

00:44:51.000 So in California, when you see these big places, those are the ones that get shut down because they're making X amount of millions of dollars a year selling pot. 0.77

00:44:59.000 Well, you're not supposed to be doing that.

00:45:00.000 When you do do that, I think the only way to do it is you have to give all the money back to the community or you make it...

00:45:08.000 Make it so that all the money goes to charities or funds.

00:45:13.000 There's some sort of a workaround where you get a fair wage for working there and everyone, including the owner, would get a fair wage and then the money has to get distributed.

00:45:22.000 Colorado doesn't have it like that.

00:45:24.000 In Colorado you could just make money selling weed.

00:45:26.000 That's how it should be, man.

00:45:29.000 It's farming, man.

00:45:30.000 That's what it is. 1.00

00:45:31.000 It's fucking farming. 1.00

00:45:32.000 This idea that it's different because it's a drug. 1.00

00:45:35.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

00:45:36.000 There's plenty of drugs available in this country. 1.00

00:45:38.000 To pretend this country is anti-drugs is one of the dumbest fucking things ever. 1.00

00:45:42.000 Everybody looks forward to doing drugs in this country. 1.00

00:45:44.000 They look forward to drinking.

00:45:46.000 They look forward to smoking.

00:45:47.000 They look forward to having a cup of coffee.

00:45:49.000 All of these are drugs.

00:45:51.000 Let the people be adults.

00:45:53.000 There's so much pain and suffering out there.

00:45:56.000 If this takes some of the edge off of that, let it happen.

00:46:00.000 You're not going to stop it by making things illegal.

00:46:03.000 You're just going to create an industry off of keeping it illegal.

00:46:06.000 The only way you get people to not do things is through education.

00:46:11.000 Whether it's their own personal education. 0.99

00:46:13.000 They have to watch people fuck up. 0.99

00:46:14.000 I've never done coke. 0.99

00:46:16.000 I've never done coke because I watched people when I was a kid who did coke and their life fell apart.

00:46:20.000 I saw it happen. 1.00

00:46:21.000 I was like, keep that shit away from me. 1.00

00:46:23.000 Plus, you're an athlete. 1.00

00:46:25.000 So, I mean, as an athlete, you can't do certain things.

00:46:28.000 Cooks are certainly a bad one. 1.00

00:46:29.000 Yeah.

00:46:29.000 But a lot of athletes do it, man.

00:46:31.000 Yeah, like in the 70s, a lot of the sports guys, especially baseball, hockey, those kind of... 0.99

00:46:37.000 They were racked out on that shit, so... 0.98

00:46:40.000 I'm too impulsive. 1.00

00:46:41.000 I don't trust myself.

00:46:42.000 If I really enjoyed it, yeah, I don't trust myself.

00:46:44.000 I don't want to have anything in my system that's addictive like that.

00:46:48.000 Because it seems like cocaine is very physically addictive.

00:46:50.000 Yes, yeah.

00:46:52.000 Heroin, very physically addictive, right?

00:46:54.000 Heroin, yeah.

00:46:55.000 I don't know about that one.

00:46:56.000 That one I could see being...

00:47:00.000 If people have a heroin addiction, they should have the needle exchange and all that kind of stuff.

00:47:04.000 But yeah, nobody should promote heroin.

00:47:05.000 I mean, you can't bake it into a cookie.

00:47:07.000 There's no fun to it.

00:47:08.000 Unless you're a musician.

00:47:09.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:47:10.000 Then it should be a law.

00:47:13.000 You should at least try it.

00:47:14.000 Can you imagine if every musician had to do heroin? 0.99

00:47:17.000 Like some of that bubblegum shit out there, it would have a whole different take on it, you know? 0.99

00:47:22.000 Yeah, no kidding. 0.99

00:47:24.000 Nothing shook up the music world more than heroin.

00:47:28.000 And marijuana.

00:47:30.000 Yeah, I guess you're right about that.

00:47:31.000 Marijuana shook it up a lot too, but...

00:47:32.000 There was...

00:47:33.000 The bands who did heroin had very specific sort of...

00:47:37.000 They had like an intensity and an emotion and an honesty to their stuff that the bubblegum people...

00:47:43.000 You know, it's weird if you go back and listen to like Buddy Holly or something like that.

00:47:47.000 Great music.

00:47:48.000 Yeah.

00:47:48.000 But listen to like what that guy was doing.

00:47:50.000 And then, you know, listen to Nuvrana.

00:47:52.000 Listen to...

00:47:53.000 You know, listen to the heroin people.

00:47:55.000 What about Frank Zappa?

00:47:55.000 Frank Zappa.

00:47:56.000 Alice in Chains.

00:47:57.000 That guy was on every...

00:47:58.000 I think Frank Zappa was like almost the, you know...

00:48:01.000 Yeah.

00:48:01.000 It was like a one-stop shopping kind of drugs.

00:48:04.000 But he was on cool drugs too, like Ecstasy and I guess LSD, stuff like that.

00:48:09.000 His tapes were the best.

00:48:11.000 I don't really know, so I don't want to say.

00:48:14.000 When I was 15, I would listen to Zappa tapes in the church parking lot. 0.99

00:48:18.000 First time smoking weed and you're just listening to his crazy shit. 1.00

00:48:22.000 It was like virtual acid trips. 1.00

00:48:25.000 That guy is an artist.

00:48:26.000 That guy was...

00:48:27.000 Really, there's no one like that guy.

00:48:29.000 Yeah, he was very unusual.

00:48:30.000 I got introduced to him when I was probably like 10 years old.

00:48:33.000 My friend's dad was into him.

00:48:35.000 Wow, what a cool dad.

00:48:36.000 Yeah, Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention.

00:48:39.000 The guy, I remember the dude drove a Saab.

00:48:42.000 It was like 1970, dude had a Saab.

00:48:44.000 I was like, what is that thing? 0.95

00:48:46.000 That's the crazy ass car and he was into Frank Zappa. 0.97

00:48:49.000 He's just a cool ass dad. 0.91

00:48:50.000 Well, that's the whole thing about like this whole now, like with rich people, you know, it's like, You know, how much money do the rich people need?

00:48:56.000 I guess now, like, the ultimate perk is a private jet, but back then it would have been, like, a car, you know?

00:49:01.000 You have a butler.

00:49:02.000 You get obsessive, I think.

00:49:04.000 You look at some of these hedge fund guys, where they were talking about, there was one guy whose wife got some of the bailout money, because the bailout money, a lot of it was in the form of loans, and this guy was worth, who knows how many hundreds of millions of dollars, 0.92

00:49:19.000 but they showed his house, They like zoomed in on his house in the Hamptons and it's just fucking insanity. 0.75

00:49:25.000 Huge, right? 0.99

00:49:25.000 It's just craziness. 0.99

00:49:27.000 This guy, I mean, you can't even call it a compound.

00:49:30.000 It was a castle.

00:49:31.000 He had a castle.

00:49:32.000 He has a castle in the Hamptons.

00:49:34.000 See, I don't even like that when I go to a hotel.

00:49:36.000 Like, if it's too fancy, you know, like, whatever they, you know.

00:49:40.000 Four Seasons or something.

00:49:41.000 Yeah, like, I don't do any, I don't rate any of that.

00:49:44.000 It's not in my ride or anything.

00:49:45.000 I like a hotel where I can do my laundry.

00:49:47.000 That's what, that's like the ultimate perk for me.

00:49:49.000 It's like, If I can do my shitty laundry because I'm on the road so long, then I feel good.

00:49:53.000 But there's some hotels where, like, everybody's like, oh, yeah, this is, you know, get a massage and all that kind of stuff.

00:49:58.000 I'm not into that.

00:49:59.000 Courtyard Marriott's.

00:50:00.000 Yes.

00:50:00.000 They always have.

00:50:00.000 It's like a little house.

00:50:02.000 Yes.

00:50:02.000 A little home away from home.

00:50:03.000 Yeah.

00:50:04.000 Courtyard Marriott's a good spot.

00:50:05.000 It's a good middle ground.

00:50:07.000 Like, when I tour with Norton and Artie Lang, you know, we're on the Antisocial Tour.

00:50:11.000 You know, those guys, I think, they like it a little, like, more...

00:50:15.000 I think they like it better when it's like that.

00:50:17.000 I just don't like it, you know?

00:50:19.000 But, uh...

00:50:20.000 We usually all stay at the same place and that's a fun tour because you know those guys.

00:50:23.000 Yeah, great guys.

00:50:25.000 We're all so old now and we've all been through the ringer to some degree and Norton is just incredibly fearlessly funny and Artie is naturally probably one of the best comics I've ever seen in my life.

00:50:37.000 It's just fun to hang with these guys because now we're at that age where it's just fun to be around guys that you know and you can just fucking have fun.

00:50:45.000 Just enjoy it.

00:50:46.000 Yeah, and we play these casinos and like, you know, It's like our biggest thing.

00:50:49.000 It's like, where are we going to eat?

00:50:50.000 Let's eat.

00:50:52.000 That's the big fun of the night.

00:50:54.000 It's so fun going on tour with friends.

00:50:56.000 It really makes the whole experience way better.

00:50:59.000 I just did San Francisco and Seattle last weekend with Fitzsimmons.

00:51:03.000 Oh, he's one of my best friends in comedy.

00:51:06.000 Love that guy.

00:51:07.000 He's great.

00:51:08.000 We had such a good time, man.

00:51:09.000 It was so fun.

00:51:10.000 He is one of the most underrated comics because his comedy is so...

00:51:14.000 It's so good.

00:51:15.000 It's so dry and funny and well thought out.

00:51:19.000 I know this turns into a big stroke fest about comedy, but if you're anywhere where Greg is touring, go see him because he really is a great comic.

00:51:26.000 I like him.

00:51:27.000 Yeah, he killed it. 0.68

00:51:28.000 He killed it in San Francisco and Seattle. 0.62

00:51:30.000 It was awesome. 0.99

00:51:31.000 He was really, really fucking funny. 0.94

00:51:33.000 It's that attack style Boston comedy too. 0.98

00:51:35.000 Yes, yes.

00:51:36.000 We started out together.

00:51:38.000 We're like a week apart from each other.

00:51:40.000 Boston is like turning out to be...

00:51:43.000 The generation of the Boston comics.

00:51:46.000 You, Greg, Louie, of course, Nick DiPaolo.

00:51:50.000 These are the guys.

00:51:51.000 There was a lot back then, man.

00:51:53.000 It was a very unusual time as far as the development of stand-up.

00:51:58.000 You had one area.

00:52:00.000 Where you had so many clubs and so many comics in this one town.

00:52:04.000 It always amazed me.

00:52:05.000 I would go to Pittsburgh or Philly, and I'd be like, where's the scene?

00:52:09.000 Where do you guys go?

00:52:09.000 Do you got a Knicks Comedy Stop?

00:52:10.000 Do you got a Stitches?

00:52:11.000 They didn't have anything.

00:52:13.000 We had so many places to go.

00:52:17.000 Open mic night was a Sunday night.

00:52:19.000 I knew that if I went to open mic night, I would see Teddy Bergeron.

00:52:22.000 I would see Tony V. Tony V. Yeah, all those guys.

00:52:26.000 They'd be working out.

00:52:27.000 They'd be hanging out.

00:52:28.000 They would go up and do sets.

00:52:30.000 You would see them.

00:52:31.000 They would do sets on Sundays and Monday nights.

00:52:33.000 They would go up at the end of the show and perform.

00:52:35.000 I mean, it was like a real community of stand-up comedy.

00:52:38.000 But it's not like that even there anymore.

00:52:40.000 It died.

00:52:41.000 Yeah, I was just at the theater in Boston.

00:52:44.000 And, you know, if you want to run around and do other sets, there's really not many places at all.

00:52:49.000 And if you're starting out there, I can only imagine how you do it.

00:52:51.000 I don't know what happened.

00:52:53.000 I think that they overdid it because every other place, like, you know, there's the Hukilao and the, you know, the place in Chicopee, like Chinese restaurants, we're doing shows, that, like, the crowds just, I guess, got babied or, like, you know, spoiled.

00:53:07.000 And they're like, there's plenty of comedy out here.

00:53:09.000 I don't have to go see it.

00:53:09.000 And there were a lot of, like, you know, for every good comic, there was, like, three or four hacks, you know?

00:53:14.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:53:14.000 I guess after a while, like, you know, they always say the cream rises to the top, but, you know...

00:53:18.000 It's a pretty big rise.

00:53:20.000 There's a lot of guys who are just ecking by with their clapper joke.

00:53:23.000 You know what's interesting though?

00:53:24.000 In the beginning, there were less bad guys and more good guys.

00:53:27.000 If you go back to the Jimmy Tingle era, Jimmy Tingle, Barry Crimmins, Tony V, Lenny Clark, that era, they're all killers.

00:53:37.000 There was more great comics back then than there were mediocre guys.

00:53:42.000 When I started out, I started out in 88, and I got to see some of the best comics ever, like the local guys.

00:53:50.000 I got to see them all the time.

00:53:52.000 There was so much good comedy in that one place.

00:53:56.000 I would say it was one of the rare instances where there was more good comedy than there was bad comedy.

00:54:01.000 The thing that always got me about the Boston guys compared to the New York guys, I hope I didn't say this the last time I was on your show, but they came to New York, you guys all eventually came to New York, And you guys were ready to headline almost immediately.

00:54:12.000 Whereas the New York guys, we were years away from headlining.

00:54:15.000 We were just trying to work the weekends.

00:54:17.000 It was a slower process because there was just too much, I guess, open mic, too many comics and not enough stage time.

00:54:26.000 So you really had to fight for the stage time.

00:54:28.000 But you guys definitely knew who you were.

00:54:31.000 You had an act.

00:54:32.000 You had a perspective.

00:54:33.000 And then you definitely came to the scene and it made it way better.

00:54:38.000 It made it way better.

00:54:39.000 Well, you know what it was is that Boston guys had a chance to work long sets.

00:54:43.000 We would work for like the Comedy Connection had a bunch of gigs and Barry Katz had a bunch of gigs.

00:54:50.000 All these different people had gigs and they were all over the place and you would do 45 minutes.

00:54:54.000 You can do an hour here, half hour here, 45 minutes here.

00:54:57.000 So we weren't just doing the short sets in town.

00:55:00.000 When I went to New York and I saw that everybody would take a cab, And go from one crowd to another crowd, doing seven minutes here and seven minutes there.

00:55:08.000 I was like, that's crazy.

00:55:09.000 That doesn't make any sense.

00:55:10.000 That's how we lived for years.

00:55:11.000 So even when I lived in New York, I did almost all my sets on the road.

00:55:15.000 I did all my sets in Connecticut.

00:55:17.000 I was like, I can go to do a John Shuler gig in Connecticut and make $150.

00:55:21.000 Or I could go do a set in the city and make like $10 or something like that.

00:55:24.000 What did Dangerfields pay the most?

00:55:26.000 They paid like $50 or something, right?

00:55:28.000 Well, like Governors, which is on Long Island, that's kind of where I kind of started out.

00:55:32.000 I just recently was there, and the guys who run Governors now are so pro-comedy, so pro-like, supporting comedy, bringing up new talent and all that kind of stuff.

00:55:41.000 And it's really great to see, because for a long time, the outlying clubs were really just like Jersey, the island, Connecticut.

00:55:48.000 You know, you just went there for money.

00:55:50.000 And now it's like, this is like a good place to work out.

00:55:52.000 Well, Governors was always really good.

00:55:54.000 Yeah, Governors was a top-of-line club.

00:55:55.000 Yeah, that was always really good.

00:55:57.000 And the Brokerage, remember the Brokerage?

00:56:00.000 The Brokerage Pub, yeah.

00:56:01.000 Yeah, that was a great place, too.

00:56:02.000 There was always a lot of good places to do stand-up.

00:56:04.000 You know, of course, Rascals.

00:56:06.000 There was Rascals East and Rascals Down the Shore.

00:56:09.000 Rascals, it's such a heartache, because that was a great, great club.

00:56:12.000 And, you know, you talk about Jersey.

00:56:14.000 That was like the place where, like, Dice would come in and Dom and all those guys.

00:56:18.000 They would come in and it would be a big event.

00:56:20.000 Yeah, I remember.

00:56:21.000 I would go see guys there.

00:56:23.000 When I lived in New York and someone would say, you know, hey, this guy's going to be at Rascals.

00:56:28.000 We would drive to Rascals to watch the show.

00:56:31.000 Yeah, because it was a place where you could see someone do a real long set.

00:56:34.000 Right.

00:56:34.000 You know, like at Carolines or something like that.

00:56:36.000 We get to see them do like 45 minutes or an hour.

00:56:39.000 Yeah, Carolines and Gotham are really the big, like, you know, you get to do an hour in the city.

00:56:44.000 Yeah.

00:56:44.000 And, um, they're great, and, you know, it's hard on the crowd, I think, just to some degree, because, you know, there's a lot of, like, expenses of parking and food and all that kind of stuff, but at the end of the day, it's kind of cool that you get to see, like, we just worked with Amy Schumer.

00:56:57.000 She's so funny.

00:56:58.000 She's so good. 0.86

00:56:59.000 Like, I saw her at Gotham, and she fucking rocked out, and, uh, I'm going to be playing Carolines down the road.

00:57:05.000 You always like it when you get to do a long set in your hometown. 0.87

00:57:08.000 Yeah, I love Gotham for that very reason too.

00:57:11.000 I never really did many sets at the other places.

00:57:14.000 Occasionally I would do Boston Comedy or The Cellar or The Comic Strip.

00:57:18.000 It always seemed to me like if I could do a long set, it would be better for my act.

00:57:23.000 Well, The Cellar now has become the Alamo of comedy.

00:57:29.000 People come in and they just take a picture.

00:57:31.000 Of the front, because of Louis, you know, Louis has like put it on the map.

00:57:34.000 Right.

00:57:35.000 And Louis, who's probably one of the best comics ever, he goes down there and does sets and rock and, you know, Chappelle when he's in town.

00:57:41.000 And I guess there's other guys like Aziz and things like that.

00:57:44.000 So you do get to see like some celebrity comics there.

00:57:47.000 But the majority of the guys working there are like pretty hardcore headlining, you know, top of the line comedy.

00:57:53.000 And the people who run it are, you know, they're for comedy.

00:57:56.000 Like they're not...

00:57:57.000 Promoter is like, let's turn this into a website or a cartoon or something like that.

00:58:03.000 Well, they must feel so fortunate when that does happen, when you get a place where a bunch of great comics like Louis and Chris Rock and all these different guys, and you show up and decide to do sets there on a regular basis.

00:58:14.000 Oh, I bomb there, I'd say, every other time.

00:58:15.000 But for the other guys, it is a great experience.

00:58:18.000 Every other time?

00:58:19.000 Yeah, because I never try and do...

00:58:21.000 Back in the day when I would go on the road, I'd be like, Okay, I'm back in the city now, and I want to do something different.

00:58:27.000 I want to do different jokes.

00:58:29.000 I want to explore comedy.

00:58:32.000 And that involved bombing, to some degree.

00:58:34.000 So I would do the stuff that I knew wouldn't work, but I still thought was funny.

00:58:39.000 And the crowd used to roll with that.

00:58:41.000 But nowadays, the crowds are not like that.

00:58:43.000 They really want to see a performance.

00:58:45.000 They want to see it tight.

00:58:46.000 Like, you ever on stage, sometimes you're like, Oh, that one didn't turn out.

00:58:49.000 And you can see in the crowd they're kind of disappointed.

00:58:51.000 I'm like, don't worry, guys.

00:58:52.000 The next one will be funny.

00:58:53.000 Don't worry.

00:58:54.000 I don't think a lot of people are aware of the process.

00:58:57.000 Right.

00:58:57.000 The creating new material process, which involves a lot of risks.

00:59:01.000 Yeah.

00:59:02.000 I just throw them in my sets, and I'll do new bits.

00:59:07.000 I just chuck them in the middle, and whether or not it works, we'll find out.

00:59:11.000 But sometimes they don't go well.

00:59:13.000 Sometimes you're not exactly sure what the right...

00:59:16.000 The right order it is for the pieces in it.

00:59:20.000 We were talking about Doug.

00:59:21.000 I saw him at Caroline's probably a year ago.

00:59:23.000 And he was up there just basically...

00:59:25.000 He had just done an album.

00:59:27.000 He was in England.

00:59:27.000 He was coming off of a hardcore tour.

00:59:30.000 And he was up there.

00:59:31.000 I would say he was doing his job.

00:59:35.000 He was getting laughs.

00:59:36.000 But he also was doing some thoughts, some things that he just wanted to talk about.

00:59:40.000 And as a fan of comedy, because I wasn't a comic, I wasn't thinking, I'm going on...

00:59:45.000 I was like, this is what I love watching when a guy's just thinking it out and he doesn't know where it's going to go.

00:59:50.000 And I think that's kind of cool and exciting.

00:59:52.000 But for the fan, especially people who've seen comedy on TV or they know one person and then they come and see these unknown people, I always feel like they're disappointed.

01:00:03.000 And I used to get really angry at them, but now I just feel sorry for them.

01:00:07.000 It's like, wouldn't it be cool if he got to see The Stones?

01:00:09.000 Not to equate what we do to The Stones.

01:00:12.000 But like them working on Start Me Up, I think that would be cool.

01:00:15.000 Well this is the only, stand-up comedy is the only art form where you really need an audience.

01:00:20.000 Yeah, oh yeah.

01:00:20.000 To perfect the bit.

01:00:22.000 Absolutely.

01:00:22.000 They're involved in the creation process because as they laugh, things evolve and change.

01:00:27.000 And as you feel them enjoying the bit, it's really hard for anybody who has never done stand-up to describe that feeling when something's killing.

01:00:35.000 Like you know the timing, you feel where to jump in, you feel where to let things sit.

01:00:41.000 And you really need an audience to do that.

01:00:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:00:44.000 And I always like when you push it past the point of funny to like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:00:48.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:00:49.000 Because then, you know, the next time you're like, okay, so that's the end of it.

01:00:51.000 So then next time I'll pull back or...

01:00:54.000 Go in a different direction.

01:00:55.000 That's just my, I guess, process.

01:00:57.000 And sometimes you can go further.

01:00:59.000 Sometimes there's different days where you have a different amount of enthusiasm in chasing the darker aspects of a subject.

01:01:07.000 But people don't like dark.

01:01:09.000 Your crowd is cool.

01:01:10.000 They like comedy and they see the funny and sadness in life.

01:01:16.000 But I think the majority of young audiences who've never failed at anything It's kind of weird when you do a joke and there's not a win or a happy ending at the end.

01:01:25.000 They're like, aww!

01:01:26.000 Well, as long as it's really funny, I think there's less tolerance for self-indulgent angriness today.

01:01:32.000 Oh, I see.

01:01:33.000 Well, yeah.

01:01:33.000 Because I think people are more aware of what it actually is now.

01:01:37.000 Whereas before, someone would say something shocking and fucked up, and people would go with it and go, oh, he's an edgy comedian. 0.97

01:01:42.000 And now, you know, the majority of people are aware, oh, no, that's just a fucked up guy, and he's like pushing your buttons by saying something shocking. 0.99

01:01:50.000 But there's no real thought behind it. 0.98

01:01:53.000 He's not really trying to say anything.

01:01:55.000 He's just trying to make something shocking, make it work, use it as a tool to get a reaction from the crowd.

01:02:01.000 And people don't want that.

01:02:03.000 But dark...

01:02:04.000 Great humor?

01:02:05.000 It's always funny.

01:02:07.000 If it's funny, it's funny. 0.99

01:02:08.000 Stanhope's shit is still very dark and very hilarious. 1.00

01:02:11.000 Incredibly dark. 1.00

01:02:13.000 People talk about develop a following and all this kind of stuff.

01:02:17.000 What does that mean? 1.00

01:02:18.000 The people who follow Stanhope are really the darkest motherfuckers out there. 1.00

01:02:24.000 God bless them. 1.00

01:02:25.000 He really does not... 0.99

01:02:26.000 He doesn't sugarcoat any of his shit, you know? 0.99

01:02:29.000 I love him. 0.99

01:02:29.000 His new CD is fantastic, too. 0.99

01:02:31.000 Yes.

01:02:31.000 It's one of his best ones ever.

01:02:33.000 And that's what I think about him, man.

01:02:34.000 He always bangs out, like, a new hour, like, every year and a half.

01:02:38.000 Yeah.

01:02:38.000 You know, whatever.

01:02:39.000 He's constantly working.

01:02:40.000 Yeah.

01:02:40.000 It's so important to have a guy like that around.

01:02:43.000 He's the guy.

01:02:43.000 To all of us.

01:02:44.000 To all of us.

01:02:45.000 Yeah.

01:02:45.000 We all...

01:02:46.000 Like, Louie, it's important to have a guy like that around.

01:02:48.000 Louie...

01:02:48.000 Crazy work ethic.

01:02:50.000 Another guy who, every year or so, has another hour.

01:02:53.000 Yeah.

01:02:54.000 Besides that, like, his crowd...

01:02:55.000 It's so connected to him that, you know, I feel that his stuff, you know, it's so personal that, like, somehow they relate to it in a whole different way that I can't even understand, you know?

01:03:06.000 Yeah, well, he develops, like, different parts of his actual real life.

01:03:11.000 Yeah.

01:03:11.000 Puts him in there.

01:03:12.000 It's fucking a downer, dude. 0.99

01:03:15.000 He's got a TV show stepping up, huh? 0.99

01:03:18.000 People don't like caring about people suffering anymore.

01:03:21.000 I know, right?

01:03:22.000 They want positive energy, especially since The Secret.

01:03:26.000 But you've got to give comedy bones for one thing.

01:03:29.000 During that whole New York thing, Broadway, shut down!

01:03:33.000 The Big Apple Circus, no way.

01:03:35.000 The only thing rolling out, funny-wise, was comedy.

01:03:38.000 And I thought that was good.

01:03:40.000 I was proud to be a comic.

01:03:41.000 So the seller was rolling out with a generator.

01:03:43.000 They were rolling out with a generator.

01:03:45.000 They were closed the first couple days, like everybody else.

01:03:47.000 But then they were like, we've got to do some shows.

01:03:49.000 And I think Tom Papa was behind that, who's another really good guy.

01:03:52.000 Really, really funny guy.

01:03:53.000 And this new club, The Stand...

01:03:56.000 They were doing shows to candlelight, so that was like, you can't get any more renaissance fairy than that. 0.94

01:04:01.000 That's sick.

01:04:01.000 Yeah.

01:04:02.000 Yeah, that's amazing.

01:04:02.000 I've been on stage before, and the power's gone out.

01:04:05.000 It's weird, isn't it?

01:04:06.000 Yeah.

01:04:06.000 Yeah, strange.

01:04:07.000 Because now you're just a guy talking.

01:04:09.000 You have no microphone.

01:04:10.000 Heffron did a whole set to candlelight once.

01:04:12.000 That would be a cool CD. Yeah, John Heffron said he was on stage, and the power went off, and it was pretty clear it wasn't coming back on, so he just did the whole set to candlelight.

01:04:19.000 Wow.

01:04:20.000 Yeah.

01:04:21.000 I don't know, man.

01:04:22.000 It was a little...

01:04:23.000 My act is so filthy dirty that the romantic candlelight situation does not match the scene there.

01:04:30.000 That's perfect.

01:04:31.000 You know, I'm somewhere between candlelight and a cross burning.

01:04:34.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:04:34.000 Like that kind of thing.

01:04:35.000 A campfire.

01:04:36.000 A campfire.

01:04:37.000 And a tarring and feathering. 0.97

01:04:41.000 But anyway, I have to tell you, man, you rocked out on the porn show. 1.00

01:04:45.000 And I don't want to be a whore and just talk about porn, but... 0.99

01:04:48.000 You know, this is the new season. 0.99

01:04:50.000 Dave's old porn on Showtime.

01:04:52.000 And I got to say that, like, you know, having you there, it really helped me because I knew you had my back with the porn.

01:04:58.000 And we watched some of Ginger's greatest clips because we had, like, so much Ginger Lynn, you know, clips, loops, movies.

01:05:05.000 And, like, you got to give it to her because she's like a, you know, she's like, I guess you would call like a delta force of porn. 1.00

01:05:11.000 So she was out there. 0.99

01:05:12.000 And, like, once she got into it, she was into it full tilt, you know, anal stuff. 0.99

01:05:15.000 You know, three ways, all that kind of stuff. 0.99

01:05:17.000 John Holmes.

01:05:18.000 John Holmes.

01:05:18.000 She's banging John Holmes.

01:05:19.000 I mean, like, just like, you know, you forget that, like, in the 80s, like, there's a crossover between, like, the 70s people and then the 80s.

01:05:26.000 And Ginger and Christy Canyon, I think, are the uber babes of the 80s.

01:05:31.000 And I have both of them on the show.

01:05:33.000 And I feel like, yeah, that's a win.

01:05:34.000 Yeah, Christy Canyon was there when we were leaving. 0.98

01:05:36.000 Yeah, Christy is with Marc Maron.

01:05:39.000 And that's a whole different ballgame.

01:05:41.000 That'll be later in the season.

01:05:42.000 Yeah.

01:05:42.000 But I just did their radio show on Playboy Radio, and it's really cool, like, because they're out there, you know, they're still talking the talk, and they're sexy.

01:05:51.000 I mean, there's a sexiness to them.

01:05:53.000 I don't know what to tell you.

01:05:54.000 They still get me, you know, going.

01:05:56.000 They're hot, you know?

01:05:57.000 Even though they're a little older, hey, we're all a little older.

01:05:59.000 What are you trying to say? 1.00

01:06:00.000 I'm just saying that they're fucking, you know... 0.99

01:06:02.000 You're ready for a Christy Canyon ginger. 1.00

01:06:04.000 I wish.

01:06:05.000 I said to Christy, I go, I've had a crush on you since, like, 1986. You know, it's just crazy.

01:06:11.000 But she is, like... 0.97

01:06:12.000 The, you know, I don't know, she's beautiful.

01:06:15.000 You think you had a shot?

01:06:16.000 Please, come on.

01:06:17.000 No, there's nothing there.

01:06:18.000 I think that a lot of those girls, like, you know, it was the hair bands of the 80s, and then I'm sure a lot of movie star kind of guys, you know, all that kind of stuff. 0.98

01:06:26.000 They're probably tired of dick by now. 0.98

01:06:28.000 They're like, please. 0.99

01:06:29.000 I don't know.

01:06:30.000 I think that they're... 1.00

01:06:31.000 Offer me is some dick. 1.00

01:06:32.000 And when I was in San Francisco, Serena, who is, I think, one of the hottest women ever to do porn, she's a redhead, strawberry blonde... 1.00

01:06:41.000 Serena, who was, you know, up for anything, man.

01:06:44.000 Like, her scene's never boring.

01:06:45.000 And she came to my show when I was working at Cobbs, and it's cool to hang with her, you know?

01:06:50.000 She's just really cool.

01:06:51.000 Isn't it weird that they're still making porn?

01:06:53.000 Some of them, yeah.

01:06:53.000 If you really stop and think about it.

01:06:54.000 No, that's not what I mean.

01:06:55.000 I mean that anybody's still making porn.

01:06:56.000 Oh, that's right. 1.00

01:06:57.000 Isn't there enough to jerk off to? 0.99

01:06:58.000 There's definitely enough. 1.00

01:06:59.000 I mean, how many fucking videos do you need? 0.99

01:07:01.000 It's like there's no way you could ever possibly see all the porn that's there. 1.00

01:07:04.000 It's like buying books and you haven't read any of them.

01:07:06.000 Yeah, like we could have built like a seawall with old porn around Manhattan and it would have been as dry as a bone.

01:07:14.000 If you stop and think about it, how many porns have been made?

01:07:17.000 Like millions and millions of porns. 0.93

01:07:19.000 There's no way anybody has jerked off to all the porn that's ever been made. 0.98

01:07:23.000 I'm trying. 0.90

01:07:26.000 Do you have a specific category that you automatically go to?

01:07:30.000 I don't know if we talked about it last time, but like I love amateur casting, you know, any era, but I love it from the 80s and 90s more than now, even though there's like four or five different genres for casting.

01:07:42.000 But Pierre Woodman, who's a French dude, he used to do this thing called private casting, and I love his stuff.

01:07:48.000 And, you know, if he was in America, like, I would have him on in a second, even though, like, I don't think I could show any of his stuff.

01:07:53.000 It's too late.

01:07:55.000 But I like the retro stuff now a lot more than I used to ever like it.

01:07:59.000 And I guess now that's like the new kink for me, you know? 0.97

01:08:02.000 People love that amateur shit like where they come in for it because it's like this is the first time ever and they're awkward as opposed to like the girl who you lift up her skirt. 1.00

01:08:12.000 She's already fingering an asshole. 1.00

01:08:14.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:08:15.000 She's training.

01:08:16.000 She's just already there and ready to go and you know like, oh my god, this is like the thousandth thick you've seen this week.

01:08:22.000 This is not special for you.

01:08:23.000 You're just doing an act. 0.99

01:08:25.000 Well, when we were doing Ginger's show, just luck of the draw, we pulled one of her tapes where she did her first anal. 1.00

01:08:32.000 And we were like, whoa, this is amazing. 0.99

01:08:34.000 She had a big hairy box back then. 0.87

01:08:36.000 Yeah, but you said that you didn't really mind the hair.

01:08:39.000 Is that true?

01:08:39.000 Doesn't bother me.

01:08:40.000 Not at all.

01:08:40.000 Doesn't bother me.

01:08:41.000 Yeah.

01:08:42.000 She's so cute that she could get away with a nice little tuft. 1.00

01:08:45.000 It doesn't matter.

01:08:46.000 They're hot. 0.99

01:08:47.000 I mean, if there was a lot of asshole hair, the legs. 1.00

01:08:50.000 Yeah, that's a little too much. 0.99

01:08:51.000 I mean, if you date one of those Eastern block women, darker ones. 1.00

01:08:54.000 Yeah, you can only imagine that iron curtain pussy. 1.00

01:08:57.000 That must be crazy. 1.00

01:08:59.000 There's got to be some hairy bitches up there, especially up north where it gets really cold. 1.00

01:09:02.000 Yeah, like a vampire or something. 0.99

01:09:05.000 The upper legs. 0.99

01:09:08.000 But I would have to say that now with shaving, a lot of the younger girls are letting it grow out a bit because it's cool, and I think they realize that, like, fuck, what am I doing this for? 0.98

01:09:18.000 It's like, honestly... 0.99

01:09:20.000 It doesn't have to be shaving.

01:09:21.000 Shaving's weird. 0.99

01:09:22.000 The vagina beats everything. 1.00

01:09:23.000 Crabs. 1.00

01:09:24.000 Exactly, yeah.

01:09:25.000 Crabs can hide in there.

01:09:27.000 But I think what they do is they do the strip.

01:09:29.000 Most of the girls will do diamond, you know? 1.00

01:09:31.000 And I think that works.

01:09:33.000 That's the best way to go. 0.95

01:09:34.000 But you're right, the anal hair, that's, yeah, you gotta bleach that. 0.87

01:09:36.000 That's a problem. 0.99

01:09:37.000 Trim that out, get some illegals in there. 1.00

01:09:39.000 Isn't it weird that every girl, I mean, it's sort of just universally accepted that hairy legs are disgusting. 1.00

01:09:45.000 No one bucks that trend. 0.66

01:09:46.000 Yeah, Esther.

01:09:48.000 Esther doesn't shave her legs? 1.00

01:09:50.000 She has longer hair on her legs than my chest. 0.99

01:09:52.000 What?

01:09:53.000 Wow.

01:09:53.000 How did she get away with that?

01:09:54.000 She just wears pants all the time. 1.00

01:09:56.000 Wait a minute.

01:09:57.000 Are you serious?

01:09:58.000 I swear to God.

01:09:59.000 Esther does not shave her legs.

01:10:00.000 No.

01:10:01.000 Or armpits.

01:10:02.000 But when you watch all these old school things like Game of Thrones or something like that, Think about it.

01:10:08.000 Every chick was hairy. 1.00

01:10:11.000 Disgustingly.

01:10:11.000 But they didn't look hairy.

01:10:12.000 The hot mother. 0.99

01:10:15.000 The mother to the new chin.

01:10:17.000 She's hot. 1.00

01:10:18.000 She doesn't look like she has hairy legs. 1.00

01:10:20.000 She's not period friendly.

01:10:24.000 Corset and what not. 0.91

01:10:25.000 Did they shave their legs back then?

01:10:29.000 No.

01:10:30.000 I wonder when that started.

01:10:32.000 I think the early 80s.

01:10:33.000 As soon as someone realized how hot it was.

01:10:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:35.000 They're like, why fuck? 1.00

01:10:36.000 I mean, you have legs. 1.00

01:10:37.000 It really is hot.

01:10:38.000 Yeah, it's the hottest thing ever.

01:10:39.000 It's a weird thing.

01:10:40.000 Girls with long, hot legs, shapely legs. 0.98

01:10:44.000 I remember when the girl just shaves like up to the knee high. 1.00

01:10:47.000 You know, like they'll just shave like what they need.

01:10:48.000 Yeah.

01:10:49.000 And everything else is like this incredibly disgusting forest.

01:10:52.000 Woo! 0.99

01:10:54.000 It's hard being a girl, so that's all we can get out of that one.

01:10:57.000 It's way harder.

01:10:57.000 It's hard.

01:10:58.000 It's a lot of work.

01:10:58.000 Plus you can get pregnant.

01:11:00.000 You know, can you imagine?

01:11:01.000 Every time you have sex, all of a sudden it can mean another person's growing inside you. 0.78

01:11:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:05.000 What a fucking drag. 1.00

01:11:08.000 Meanwhile, guys don't have to think about it ever. 1.00

01:11:11.000 Our design is to just go shoot them off. 0.98

01:11:16.000 Hard loads. 0.86

01:11:17.000 Undeniable impulse to constantly be shooting off loads.

01:11:20.000 Well, here's a bit I was working on, which maybe you can help me out with, is the hot load.

01:11:25.000 You know how guys always assume their loads are incredibly hot.

01:11:28.000 So do you back away so that by the time it hits, it's a lukewarm, kind of nice feel?

01:11:33.000 Well, if you're courteous, you blow on it.

01:11:37.000 Fever loads.

01:11:37.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:11:39.000 Shoot a load in their face. 1.00

01:11:40.000 The least you can do is treat it like a soup. 1.00

01:11:43.000 Take a step back so that there's some of the fire, the fireball.

01:11:47.000 Isn't it amazing that you can blow on soup and it actually cools it off?

01:11:50.000 It's great.

01:11:51.000 Isn't it amazing that you can blow out hot air or cold air?

01:11:54.000 You can just go, and it's hot.

01:11:56.000 Can you get it hot?

01:11:57.000 Or it's cold.

01:11:59.000 How do you change it?

01:12:00.000 I didn't know that you could do that until right now.

01:12:02.000 I didn't even realize that.

01:12:03.000 But he's right.

01:12:04.000 If you do, you get it from the deep inside your body.

01:12:07.000 Is that it?

01:12:08.000 It's hot.

01:12:09.000 It never runs out.

01:12:10.000 You can keep on doing it.

01:12:11.000 I can barely breathe, so I'm going to have to go on your...

01:12:13.000 Dude, that's totally true.

01:12:14.000 I know. 0.97

01:12:15.000 Strippers did it on my crotch through my pants. 1.00

01:12:17.000 Oh, you son of a bitch. 1.00

01:12:19.000 There you go. 1.00

01:12:19.000 Are you a big strip club guy, Dave? 1.00

01:12:21.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

01:12:21.000 I used to go all the time. 1.00

01:12:22.000 Now I feel like, you know, what's the point?

01:12:24.000 I lost an ear here.

01:12:25.000 I don't care about, like, you know...

01:12:27.000 I heard you were the only person I ever...

01:12:31.000 Somebody told me that you really liked the body shop in Hollywood.

01:12:35.000 I was there during the fire.

01:12:36.000 They had a fire there.

01:12:37.000 You know that?

01:12:38.000 The next day they had this incredible fire.

01:12:40.000 That's the story.

01:12:41.000 What did you say?

01:12:42.000 I don't really like the club, but that was definitely one of those clubs where you're like, hey, you can walk to it.

01:12:48.000 Oh, the place across the street from the store?

01:12:50.000 Yeah, you go play the comedy store, you want to do something, so you're like, hey, you go over to the body shop.

01:12:54.000 I went there one or two times, and I would say that You know, the girls were really hot, but I feel like a lot of them were not, like, pros.

01:13:00.000 A lot of them were just, like, party girls who wanted to make some coin. 0.96

01:13:03.000 And, you know, we went there.

01:13:04.000 There was, like, girls and guys came with us.

01:13:06.000 So, like, they were all over the girls and the guys, you know, like watching that for some reason. 0.98

01:13:09.000 I never really give a shit about that. 0.98

01:13:11.000 But I would say it's a good club, you know? 0.98

01:13:14.000 Yeah, I remember that somebody told me you liked that club, and then you said, like, the next day after going to it, it burned down.

01:13:19.000 And you're like, great, the one place that I found that burnt down. 1.00

01:13:23.000 Jewish lightning, cocksucker! 1.00

01:13:24.000 Yeah, it was crazy. 1.00

01:13:26.000 Yeah, that place was across the street from the comedy store, but we only went to it like twice.

01:13:30.000 And it was only when someone's in town.

01:13:32.000 It's like, hey, you want to go down to the body shop?

01:13:34.000 And it was always somebody else's idea.

01:13:36.000 I don't like places that don't serve liquor.

01:13:38.000 Strip clubs that don't serve liquor.

01:13:39.000 Yeah, they don't serve any liquor there.

01:13:40.000 Yeah, I would like to have alcohol.

01:13:41.000 They make you buy two...

01:13:42.000 Cokes.

01:13:43.000 Like a $9 water?

01:13:44.000 I used to have a bit about it.

01:13:46.000 Vaginas and alcohol for some reason. 1.00

01:13:48.000 It's just a volatile combination in California.

01:13:51.000 You can't see that. 0.98

01:13:52.000 A girl could have a bikini bottom on and show your tits and you could barely keep it together with a beer. 1.00

01:13:58.000 But if you have actual alcohol and see a vagina, there'd just be too much chaos. 1.00

01:14:03.000 Well, that's why I want to go to Thailand at some point. 0.99

01:14:05.000 Because supposedly they have the ultimate stripper, bar, bang bang girl. 1.00

01:14:09.000 I heard Soapies.

01:14:10.000 Have you heard of Soapies?

01:14:10.000 No.

01:14:11.000 Some guy just told me in Columbus, we were there, and he said there's these things called soapies where you lay down and they put soap all over you and then they get completely naked and they just rub your body with their body.

01:14:25.000 Like they just lay on you and squish around and stuff like that.

01:14:27.000 And do you shoot loads? 1.00

01:14:28.000 No, and then they dry you off and then you fuck them. 1.00

01:14:32.000 Whoa! 1.00

01:14:32.000 That's a lot of time. 1.00

01:14:33.000 And you pick out, when you first get in though, there's like 30 people and they all hold up a number and you pick which one you want.

01:14:39.000 That's for a guy on vacation.

01:14:41.000 That's still going on or is that something in the 70s?

01:14:43.000 Yeah, it's still going on.

01:14:44.000 No, it's still going on.

01:14:44.000 The Vietnam War thing.

01:14:46.000 It's still going on.

01:14:46.000 I was actually looking at flights from Ohio just to see how much it was.

01:14:50.000 It was $1,200.

01:14:51.000 You're going to go to Thailand?

01:14:52.000 Yeah, but it was a 24-hour flight. 1.00

01:14:55.000 And I was like, fuck that. 1.00

01:14:56.000 24 hours? 1.00

01:14:57.000 24 hours. 0.99

01:14:58.000 That's got to be a weird flight because everybody on that plane is a pervert. 0.68

01:15:01.000 There's nobody going there like, hey, you know, I'm going to the University of Thailand.

01:15:04.000 Is it really a 24-hour flight?

01:15:06.000 Yeah.

01:15:07.000 I didn't know a plane could stay in the air for 24 hours.

01:15:09.000 No, I think there was a layover or a stop somewhere, I think, but yeah.

01:15:13.000 I've been on a 16. That's a weird one.

01:15:15.000 I've been to Australia, which is a 16, I think.

01:15:18.000 I've never done that flight, man.

01:15:19.000 I've got to do that at some point.

01:15:20.000 I've never done one of those comedy festivals in Australia or South Africa.

01:15:24.000 I heard South Africa, that one's fucking amazing, and the Australian one is like, How long has that been going on?

01:15:30.000 Like 15 years? 0.98

01:15:30.000 20 years now? 0.98

01:15:31.000 It's really bad for you.

01:15:32.000 What?

01:15:32.000 The flight.

01:15:33.000 The flight is bad for you.

01:15:35.000 I just did the Brazil one where I went 11 hours from Brazil to Miami and then 5 hours from Miami and I got sick.

01:15:40.000 And I never get sick.

01:15:42.000 It's just like...

01:15:43.000 Flying won't make you sick.

01:15:44.000 Yeah.

01:15:44.000 It's terrible for you.

01:15:45.000 And you're constantly around other people's fucking diseased coffee breath and shit and people are spitting and touching things. 1.00

01:15:54.000 It's like being on a submarine but there's really no... 0.99

01:15:56.000 Glory to it, you know?

01:15:57.000 It's just super bad for you.

01:15:58.000 There's something about that recirculated air, too, that just really diminishes you.

01:16:02.000 It's supposed to be better.

01:16:03.000 And flying just stinks, and it's getting harder and harder.

01:16:06.000 No, Brian, it's not supposed to be better.

01:16:07.000 No, I saw a special on it that they said that the air filtration systems in planes are so amazing that it really does...

01:16:14.000 It's actually really good for you.

01:16:16.000 Well, this is what it is.

01:16:17.000 That air that comes out of those little tubes is actually a very clean air.

01:16:21.000 Those things that you blow on you, that's actually very clean.

01:16:25.000 However...

01:16:25.000 You are in a tube where there's no fresh air and you are recycling everyone's breath.

01:16:31.000 And that's the problem.

01:16:32.000 That's why you have that tube on you the whole time.

01:16:34.000 Well, that can help you.

01:16:35.000 But the amount of air that's in that is limited.

01:16:38.000 And it's all being recycled with people breathing out.

01:16:42.000 That's the issue.

01:16:44.000 You're constantly around other people's breath and it doesn't really have anywhere to go.

01:16:48.000 And so there is like a recirculation.

01:16:50.000 There is a filtration. 1.00

01:16:51.000 But you're still going to take in breaths filled with other people's shit. 1.00

01:16:56.000 There's no way around it. 1.00

01:16:57.000 That's why the farts smell so bad on airplanes.

01:17:00.000 Someone farts on an airplane.

01:17:01.000 It's not even like farting in a restaurant.

01:17:02.000 It's like farting in your face.

01:17:04.000 It's like there's nowhere for it to go.

01:17:06.000 That's why when you're stuck on the tarmac for like five hours and you realize this plane is built only for the air, that the toilets start backing up and there's no air and you feel trapped.

01:17:17.000 I get incredibly claustrophobic on the plane. 0.99

01:17:20.000 So, you know, once that door shuts, I'm like, fuck, dude. 0.98

01:17:23.000 Now I'm in this tube now for the next six, seven hours. 0.99

01:17:26.000 Well, it's a part of our job to be on planes on a regular basis.

01:17:29.000 It's not the best part.

01:17:30.000 But back in the old days, like when it was all like just torn like road, like driving cars, you and another guy, that must have, you know, I've done like a lot of that.

01:17:38.000 And there is like, Even though it takes a while, there was some fun to that.

01:17:42.000 It's fun if it's a good comic.

01:17:43.000 It's a fun guy.

01:17:45.000 I did a lot of main gigs with a lot of Boston guys.

01:17:47.000 We did a lot of driving up to Vermont and shit like that.

01:17:50.000 Four and five hour drives. 0.90

01:17:51.000 Yeah.

01:17:52.000 It was great.

01:17:52.000 It was a lot of fun.

01:17:53.000 But now everybody's so PC and all that kind of stuff.

01:17:56.000 It's like, let's stop and go apple picking.

01:17:59.000 There's really no...

01:18:00.000 There's no adventure to it.

01:18:02.000 Everybody's so PC. I want to pick up a Delph China set for my mom.

01:18:07.000 I'll go on tour with you.

01:18:09.000 You feel like you're the last of a dying breed of self-destructive comics?

01:18:13.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:18:14.000 It's kind of hard to explain to the new guys the road to them.

01:18:18.000 A lot of them are like, I hate the road.

01:18:20.000 I've done two gigs.

01:18:21.000 I'm like, two?

01:18:22.000 And you hate it already?

01:18:24.000 You've got to do about 2,000 before you get that real good hate of it.

01:18:27.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:18:28.000 Joey Diaz and I have been on some fucking adventures across this great land of ours. 0.97

01:18:32.000 That guy has been on the road before... 0.97

01:18:35.000 I don't know, before the road.

01:18:36.000 I mean, like, he must have started out working, like, you know, state fairs and shit like that.

01:18:40.000 I mean, he's hardcore.

01:18:41.000 Yeah, he's like that Johnny Cash song, The Highwayman.

01:18:44.000 He's done this in other lives.

01:18:47.000 He's done this in other lives.

01:18:48.000 But I bet you he's like me.

01:18:48.000 He's probably more comfortable on the road than he is ever at home.

01:18:51.000 You know, because I never feel like at home, I'm like, ugh.

01:18:54.000 Joey's most comfortable, I think, on stage.

01:18:56.000 Oh, okay.

01:18:57.000 You know, I think he just loves getting up there.

01:19:00.000 Yeah. 0.61

01:19:00.000 He's just a hustler, too. 0.61

01:19:02.000 You know, Joey's always got something going on.

01:19:04.000 Yeah, well, that's the cool thing about it, man.

01:19:06.000 It's like, you know, the good thing about comedy is that, like, you know, every day is a new day, you know, and, like, you can, you know, it's really up to you to make it happen, and everybody's like, if I only knew the right guy and if somebody read the screenplay, it's like, yeah, but that's not about comedy.

01:19:21.000 Comedy's about, like, getting funnier and just getting out there, really.

01:19:24.000 That's what I tell everybody.

01:19:25.000 Everybody's like, How do I meet an agent?

01:19:27.000 I'm like, why?

01:19:28.000 So some guy can not take your calls? 0.96

01:19:30.000 It's like, right now you're doing more for your career going on doing seven minutes than this douchebag is going to do for you ever. 0.59

01:19:36.000 At the end of the day, it all becomes about that engine.

01:19:38.000 The engine that propels your life is your work, your comedy that you create.

01:19:43.000 And everybody is wrapped up on getting auditions and getting a show and getting a series and getting all these things, which ultimately are not the best thing for your stand-up.

01:19:52.000 Yeah, it hurts your stand-up.

01:19:54.000 Yeah.

01:19:55.000 You were on a sitcom. 0.99

01:19:55.000 Sitcoms, kill your stand-up. 0.99

01:19:56.000 You were on a sitcom, right? 0.98

01:19:57.000 It's like, did you feel funnier after you did that?

01:20:00.000 No.

01:20:00.000 I felt less funny, first of all, because I had to work long hours.

01:20:02.000 You were on the set long hours a day.

01:20:04.000 And I got lazy, and I stopped writing material.

01:20:07.000 And there was no encouragement.

01:20:09.000 No one thought.

01:20:10.000 But the producer even said it to me once.

01:20:12.000 Like, why are you still doing stand-up?

01:20:13.000 You're an actor now.

01:20:14.000 Yeah, I hate when they say that.

01:20:16.000 It's so crazy.

01:20:17.000 But it's great money, so that's why everybody wants to do it.

01:20:21.000 But ultimately, the real money is in stand-up.

01:20:24.000 I mean, the real happy money.

01:20:26.000 Because you're doing what you actually enjoy.

01:20:29.000 Have you ever been on a bad sitcom?

01:20:31.000 I've auditioned for every, I think, bad sitcom that never made it.

01:20:36.000 I don't even do acting. 0.99

01:20:38.000 That's the least thing I could give a shit about. 0.97

01:20:41.000 I'm in my late 40s now, and I'm like... 0.99

01:20:43.000 Dude, I could give a shit if I ever get on the Big Bang Theory or any of that stuff. 0.96

01:20:47.000 I know guys are like, if only I could get on there. 0.99

01:20:50.000 And I'm like, you know, I'd rather be able to say what I want to say when I want to say it, where I want to say it, than for low money, than be on a sitcom where I walk out and it's like, watch out, fellas, it's time for break.

01:21:01.000 You know, like some line that has been overwritten by a bunch of guys I don't know sitting in the writer's room, you know?

01:21:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:21:08.000 Maybe I'm a dick. 1.00

01:21:09.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:21:10.000 It never excited me enough to do that.

01:21:14.000 And I always was pegged as the setup to the funny guy, and I hate that.

01:21:20.000 Like, what are you doing, Waldo?

01:21:22.000 And then he would say the funny line, and I'd be like...

01:21:24.000 We were, I think a lot of comics sort of led in that direction in the 80s, when you saw Roseanne and Tim Allen and these guys go to have series, and Seinfeld and these series make millions and millions of dollars...

01:21:39.000 Absolutely.

01:21:39.000 So that became like a direction where everybody was sort of like thinking, well, I guess I got to do that.

01:21:44.000 I guess I got to do that.

01:21:46.000 And then the idea of just being a stand-up was like, nobody appreciated that.

01:21:51.000 Nobody was like, oh, he just wants to be a stand-up.

01:21:53.000 They'd be like, why when you can do movies?

01:21:55.000 Right.

01:21:56.000 Why when you can do a sitcom?

01:21:57.000 Why when you can do a television show?

01:21:58.000 But there are some guys who are like legitimately like, you know, I'm a stand-up, but I'm also an actor.

01:22:04.000 So I give it to them.

01:22:04.000 Oh, nothing wrong with that.

01:22:06.000 But, like, Seinfeld, who was really a stand-up who became an actor, went back to stand-up.

01:22:10.000 So, like, that's what he does now.

01:22:11.000 He does his stand-up.

01:22:13.000 Roseanne, I think, is, like, so creative, you know, like, all over the place that she could do stand-up if she wanted to. 1.00

01:22:19.000 But I think once you make that TV money and then going back to stand-up, you feel like you failed.

01:22:24.000 But you shouldn't because it's, like, it's fun.

01:22:26.000 And, like, you should see the fun in it, you know?

01:22:28.000 Well, it's sort of like the only art form where you're expected to transition and turn from a caterpillar into a butterfly.

01:22:34.000 True.

01:22:35.000 Whereas if you're a rapper, nobody's expecting you to go into movies.

01:22:38.000 You might go into some movie, but most rappers just essentially stay rappers, and that's where people love them.

01:22:45.000 Well, but I think all the rapper guys, they want to be an action hero kind of guy in their head.

01:22:53.000 Because I don't think they're making that much money rapping anymore.

01:22:56.000 Nobody makes any money...

01:22:57.000 Off the CDs?

01:22:59.000 Yeah.

01:22:59.000 I think they do on tour, though.

01:23:00.000 Yeah, on tour.

01:23:01.000 That's where the real money is.

01:23:02.000 But yeah, I think they definitely want to...

01:23:04.000 And they have that incredible rapper confidence.

01:23:06.000 They're always so confident.

01:23:08.000 Comics aren't that confident.

01:23:10.000 The opposite of comedy.

01:23:11.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:23:12.000 You can't have a guy who's self-hating himself as he blows away a dude with an AK-47. 0.99

01:23:17.000 You can if you're black. 0.99

01:23:18.000 Okay, that's true.

01:23:19.000 There is a racial thing to it.

01:23:21.000 It's a cultural thing.

01:23:22.000 Exactly.

01:23:23.000 It's very different.

01:23:24.000 That's why I would say that Comics who do sitcoms, and I know a lot of them who did sitcoms, when they come back to the comedy, they're always like, you know, I'm a little rusty.

01:23:34.000 I'm like, are you really?

01:23:36.000 I mean, it's just like you should have done stand-up the whole way through, you know, and it wouldn't have been that way.

01:23:40.000 I know a lot of guys quit.

01:23:42.000 Kevin James basically quit.

01:23:43.000 Really?

01:23:44.000 Occasionally he goes on and does these shows with Ray Romano, but once he started acting, he just really doesn't have the time for it anymore.

01:23:50.000 He does a lot of movies, too.

01:23:52.000 Kids-friendly movies.

01:23:54.000 And that to me would be the worst, to be in a kids-friendly movie. 0.84

01:23:56.000 And then you have this dirty, filthy act. 1.00

01:23:58.000 I think that happens to Tracy Morgan a lot, where they see him on Dirty Rock, which is a smart, funny show. 0.98

01:24:04.000 And then they see him live, and he is just fucking out of control. 0.95

01:24:07.000 Right. 0.91

01:24:07.000 I did two of Kevin's movies. 0.91

01:24:10.000 I did Zookeeper, which is a family-friendly movie.

01:24:13.000 And then I did Here Comes the Boom, another family-friendly movie.

01:24:16.000 But I played myself in that one.

01:24:17.000 Okay.

01:24:18.000 But, you know, Kevin's been my friend since we started out.

01:24:21.000 He was a great comic, too.

01:24:22.000 Very funny comic.

01:24:23.000 That's why it kind of bums me out that he doesn't do it that much.

01:24:26.000 Yeah.

01:24:26.000 A lot of people don't even know.

01:24:28.000 I started with him on Long Island, and he always knew who he was.

01:24:31.000 Eastside?

01:24:32.000 Well, Eastside and Governors.

01:24:34.000 Him and his brother, who also is a comic, Gary Valentine, they were there all the time.

01:24:39.000 But Kevin and Ray, they kind of are like soul brothers in a way, even though both of them are the whitest guys. 1.00

01:24:47.000 And they kind of have the same comedy.

01:24:49.000 It's like very...

01:24:50.000 It's endearing.

01:24:51.000 They don't want to offend anybody.

01:24:52.000 They don't want to offend anybody, but Ray's comedy is still really so well written, from what I remember from the past.

01:24:58.000 I saw him recently.

01:24:59.000 He did one of those, Kevin and Bean, they do an April Foolishness show in LA, and he did it, I think, two years ago.

01:25:07.000 Oh, wow.

01:25:07.000 He was great.

01:25:08.000 Yeah, he should be on the road because he's a funny guy, man.

01:25:10.000 I know he's got a lot of kids.

01:25:12.000 He does the Mirage every now and then.

01:25:14.000 All right.

01:25:15.000 Him and Kevin do like gigs together.

01:25:17.000 And I think he was doing a new show, but it was like a drama, right?

01:25:20.000 Wasn't he doing like a TV show?

01:25:22.000 Yes, he was.

01:25:22.000 It was not men behaving badly, but men of a certain age.

01:25:26.000 That's what it was.

01:25:28.000 Executive produced by Michael Royce, who is a guy I started doing comedy with.

01:25:32.000 And he's a great guy.

01:25:34.000 He worked on Louie's first show on HBO. He's worked on Ray's show.

01:25:38.000 He's a great writer, and he was a comic, too.

01:25:41.000 How did you get from stand-up to this idea of doing porn, showing old?

01:25:47.000 Is this your idea?

01:25:48.000 Yeah, this is my idea.

01:25:49.000 Stuart Bailey, who is the executive producer of the show, we pitched it to another network, and they said no.

01:25:56.000 We made the pilot with them.

01:25:58.000 This is years and years ago now.

01:26:00.000 They said no, but it's too dirty, but it's funny.

01:26:04.000 Then I went over to Showtime, and that's what we did.

01:26:07.000 It really is kind of like you did it.

01:26:09.000 It's a two-dimensional show.

01:26:10.000 It's me and the comic ragging on the clips and basically just dick-joking it around, unscripted.

01:26:16.000 We didn't script anything.

01:26:17.000 And then we go right to the tribute part of the show, which is bringing out the legend.

01:26:22.000 Or in some shows, I bring out young porn, so it's like, The last show of the season, I'm going to give it away now.

01:26:27.000 We got Asa Akira, Jessie Jane, Caden Cross, Shawn Michaels, who's one of the coolest dudes ever to do porn. 0.80

01:26:36.000 He's black, but he is so cool.

01:26:41.000 It's really weird for the dudes in porn, especially guys like Shawn Michaels. 0.73

01:26:45.000 You've got to give them a tip of the hat.

01:26:47.000 You couldn't have porn without them.

01:26:49.000 But yet they don't get any of the credit, any of the money that the chicks do. 1.00

01:26:52.000 So it was great to have a guy like that on the show.

01:26:55.000 And he's so smooth and so charming and interesting.

01:26:59.000 And then Andy Dick was on the show.

01:27:01.000 And Adrian Curry, who is really, really cool.

01:27:03.000 Was Andy Dick sober?

01:27:05.000 Andy Dick was sober. 0.99

01:27:07.000 And he was a little disappointed because I didn't have much retro gay porn. 0.98

01:27:11.000 But I did the best I could. 0.99

01:27:12.000 And there's a lot of retro gay porn out there. 0.96

01:27:15.000 It's just I... Wasn't sure what the network would think about it. 0.99

01:27:18.000 Guy on guy.

01:27:19.000 Peter North is a funny one because he's famous for loads.

01:27:24.000 Famous for giant loads.

01:27:25.000 Frothy loads. 0.52

01:27:26.000 It's pretty ridiculous the size of that guy's loads.

01:27:29.000 Oh, amazingly. 1.00

01:27:32.000 Whatever it is, a banana clip he has on the bottom of his dick. 1.00

01:27:35.000 There's like 50, 60 loads in there. 1.00

01:27:37.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:27:38.000 I tell you, Joe, that ZMA shit really has affected my loads. 0.99

01:27:41.000 It's humongous now. 0.99

01:27:42.000 Really?

01:27:42.000 Yeah.

01:27:43.000 Zinc and magnesium.

01:27:44.000 It boosts your testosterone and makes your loads more frothy.

01:27:47.000 See, that's the cool thing about you guys' show.

01:27:48.000 It's like helpful tips, you know, like Dr. Oz stuff.

01:27:51.000 We're trying to spread a little positivity there.

01:27:54.000 David Tell.

01:27:55.000 We're trying to enrich the world.

01:27:56.000 We're trying to power up people.

01:27:59.000 Get them excited about life. 1.00

01:28:00.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:28:01.000 Get them fired up. 1.00

01:28:03.000 Dudes who do porn. 0.98

01:28:05.000 Ron Jeremy. 0.98

01:28:06.000 Ron Jeremy, of course.

01:28:07.000 We have him coming out.

01:28:08.000 Herschel Savage.

01:28:10.000 Who else?

01:28:11.000 John Holmes.

01:28:11.000 John Holmes, not here.

01:28:12.000 You know what was interesting?

01:28:13.000 How Ginger Lynn was very proud of the fact that John Holmes always got it up with her.

01:28:18.000 Yeah.

01:28:19.000 Because that was the thing with John Holmes. 1.00

01:28:20.000 He had this giant rubber dick. 1.00

01:28:21.000 Huge. 1.00

01:28:22.000 A lot of times it would be like half hard.

01:28:25.000 But with her, she's like he was always excited.

01:28:27.000 That's good.

01:28:28.000 She was very proud of that.

01:28:30.000 Yeah, I would be too.

01:28:31.000 She's a real trooper. 0.62

01:28:33.000 Yeah, she really is.

01:28:34.000 She was proud of her work.

01:28:35.000 That wasn't just like punching in at Wendy's.

01:28:37.000 Exactly.

01:28:38.000 She was doing some art.

01:28:39.000 And, you know, with the dudes in the porn, like there's so many great ones.

01:28:44.000 Eric Edwards, who I didn't even know he was into it, but if we do it again, I'm definitely getting him on it. 0.97

01:28:51.000 Randy, shit, what's his name? 0.93

01:28:54.000 Up and Comers. 0.99

01:28:55.000 You know who I'm talking about.

01:28:57.000 Randy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:29:00.000 He's known for Up and Comers series.

01:29:02.000 I don't know.

01:29:04.000 He's the one who banged Jenna Jameson, up-and-comers number 11. It's probably one of the best-known scenes in porn. 0.81

01:29:11.000 Oh, okay.

01:29:12.000 You're talking about Jenna's first one?

01:29:13.000 Yeah.

01:29:14.000 Yeah, Randy.

01:29:14.000 I forget his name, but he's not a good-looking fellow.

01:29:17.000 I think he's good-looking. 0.99

01:29:18.000 He doesn't have a very big dick. 0.99

01:29:19.000 Seems like a nice guy. 0.99

01:29:20.000 Yeah, he's like a regular guy.

01:29:21.000 Yeah, a regular guy.

01:29:22.000 And, you know, like you said, Peter North, Joey Silveria. 0.99

01:29:26.000 He's a fucking genius. 0.99

01:29:28.000 He's great. 1.00

01:29:28.000 It must have been a weird time. 1.00

01:29:31.000 For those guys, that 80s porn?

01:29:33.000 Because there was no real 70s porn.

01:29:36.000 I mean, it was so rare.

01:29:37.000 It was like, you know, you had Deep Throat and Behind the Green Door or whatever.

01:29:41.000 Was that that movie?

01:29:41.000 Yeah, Behind the Green Door.

01:29:43.000 Randy West.

01:29:44.000 Randy West, sorry about that.

01:29:45.000 Randy West, there you go.

01:29:46.000 Thank you.

01:29:46.000 So, I mean, all of a sudden these guys come along in like the 1980s and it's just crazy porn.

01:29:52.000 They become stars.

01:29:54.000 It's the VHS era.

01:29:55.000 Like it was a world that didn't exist before because the porn that was done before that literally had to be streamed as a movie.

01:30:03.000 You had to have a projector.

01:30:03.000 Yeah, it was a movie.

01:30:04.000 Nobody had a fucking projector and they're going to go reel to reel and ugh, too much nonsense. 0.99

01:30:09.000 But when a VHS tape came along, it changed that game. 0.99

01:30:13.000 You could just stick that sucker right in the The VCR, which everybody had in the 80s, and everybody started watching porn.

01:30:18.000 And there was the whole section that you would go to with the video. 0.88

01:30:21.000 I remember my mother was very upset when that came out.

01:30:24.000 Like, oh, this is just right here?

01:30:25.000 You had a great first porn story.

01:30:27.000 It was like, you know, I asked everybody who comes on the show, do you remember the first time you saw porn?

01:30:31.000 That's like the big end of the interview.

01:30:33.000 I'm not an interviewer.

01:30:34.000 I'm not like Charlie Rose or anything.

01:30:36.000 But your story was interesting, where you said you were at a buddy's...

01:30:39.000 You went over either a buddy's house or you just found his porn or something like that.

01:30:44.000 It was an uncomfortable situation.

01:30:46.000 I don't remember it.

01:30:47.000 But it was a very good story, and I'm going to turn it into an animated series.

01:30:54.000 Awesome.

01:30:54.000 Everybody's first porn.

01:30:55.000 I mean, I remember finding porn in the woods, like magazines and shit. 0.99

01:30:59.000 Yes, we both talked about it. 1.00

01:31:00.000 I was in the Scouts, and they would be like, fuck it. 0.99

01:31:03.000 Well, I lived in Florida, and we lived near this. 0.99

01:31:07.000 I lived near in Gainesville, Florida, and it was my dad.

01:31:10.000 You and Todd Barry.

01:31:11.000 Really?

01:31:12.000 I think Todd Barry's from there.

01:31:13.000 It's a lot of alligators around there.

01:31:15.000 There's a lot of woods.

01:31:16.000 We'd go out in the woods. 0.98

01:31:17.000 Me and my friends, we'd find snapping turtles and shit. 0.98

01:31:21.000 We'd make slingshots. 0.99

01:31:22.000 And we would always find porn.

01:31:24.000 Always. 0.98

01:31:24.000 It would be wet bags of porn. 0.98

01:31:26.000 Like a plastic bag tucked under a log. 1.00

01:31:29.000 We found a bunch of that shit. 1.00

01:31:31.000 It's weird. 1.00

01:31:32.000 It's weird.

01:31:33.000 It went from that...

01:31:33.000 That was the only way you'd get it.

01:31:35.000 It was magazines.

01:31:36.000 You know?

01:31:37.000 And dudes always had to be half-hard.

01:31:39.000 They couldn't be fully hard.

01:31:40.000 They had rules.

01:31:41.000 Like, you couldn't have a full hard-on. 1.00

01:31:43.000 So, scene after scene would be this girl who's, like, pretending to be in total moaning ecstasy, spreading her pussy apart, and the dude would, like, lay his dick on her like a drowning victim. 1.00

01:31:56.000 You know? 1.00

01:31:56.000 It's like this poor, like, dead dick. 1.00

01:31:59.000 And he's like, what is the message here? 1.00

01:32:01.000 I think it's so important for young kids to see magazine porn, because it really is... 0.84

01:32:06.000 First of all, it's adult, but it's not like real porn, so it's not like you're not going to blow his head out.

01:32:12.000 It's kind of like just enough, you know what I'm saying? 0.76

01:32:15.000 It's like the training wheel of porn, you know?

01:32:17.000 It gets you started.

01:32:18.000 Yeah, like you don't want your kid to immediately go into like Hi-Fi, Wi-Fi, download porn, you know?

01:32:23.000 Here's a magazine.

01:32:24.000 You know, it's Hustler.

01:32:25.000 It's great.

01:32:25.000 Take a look, you know?

01:32:26.000 I remember that feeling that you'd get when you found a Hustler.

01:32:29.000 Like, your heart would race.

01:32:31.000 He's like, whoa.

01:32:32.000 You'd be, you know, turning the pages. 0.98

01:32:34.000 Oh, man, jerking off just reading the jokes. 1.00

01:32:37.000 Yeah, and it'd be like a drip of saliva from his tongue to her dick. 1.00

01:32:41.000 You'd be like, what the fuck am I seeing? 1.00

01:32:44.000 This is crazy. 1.00

01:32:46.000 She's gonna suck his dick. 1.00

01:32:47.000 She's gonna do it. 1.00

01:32:48.000 Well, the cool thing about the girls today, and I know We're talking way too much about porn, but I appreciate it.

01:32:53.000 There's very few places where you can talk about porn.

01:32:55.000 We had Joanna Angel on and Rob Zombie and Judah Friedlander to do this horror porn. 0.98

01:33:01.000 I have the worst horror movie porn. 0.99

01:33:04.000 The good titles I couldn't get rights to and the ones that I have are just joking, cheesy, fucking bad porn. 0.99

01:33:10.000 Joanna, who's a super hot punk chick, tatted up, really cool. 0.99

01:33:16.000 And a great businesswoman, by the way. 0.99

01:33:17.000 She runs her own company, makes her own films. 0.64

01:33:19.000 She's watching this porn and she's like, this is horrible. 1.00

01:33:23.000 You don't shoot dick that way. 1.00

01:33:25.000 It was cool to get her perspective on it because she's a director. 1.00

01:33:28.000 But I was like, wouldn't that be cool if they could...

01:33:32.000 Redirect these porns to today's standards.

01:33:35.000 I think it would be almost impossible.

01:33:37.000 That would be a good idea.

01:33:38.000 It really would be cool if they could whatever that is.

01:33:41.000 IMAX it or something.

01:33:42.000 They don't remake porn, do they?

01:33:44.000 They reloop it a lot.

01:33:46.000 They did a lot of Debbie Does Dallas's.

01:33:49.000 They've done the same movie over with different people.

01:33:53.000 Yeah, once they hit a theme that works like deep throat, sore throat, sweet throat, they do like a million versions of it.

01:33:59.000 It is different if you watch the old porn compared to today. 0.98

01:34:02.000 They are definitely better at filming shit and showing you more and better angles and stuff. 0.98

01:34:07.000 A lot of the old porn was a little awkward. 0.99

01:34:09.000 Yeah.

01:34:10.000 Like, you couldn't really see what was going on.

01:34:12.000 Like, what looks good and what feels good is two different things sometimes.

01:34:16.000 And so sometimes, like, someone has to, like, turn sideways, and they're having sex in, like, an angle, like a sideways angle, just so they could show you the genitals better. 0.79

01:34:26.000 Right.

01:34:26.000 Whereas they didn't really do that nearly as much in the old days.

01:34:28.000 Brian's leaving. 1.00

01:34:29.000 He's done this shit. 1.00

01:34:30.000 He's gotta go jerk off. 1.00

01:34:31.000 He just went totally... 1.00

01:34:31.000 He can't take it anymore. 1.00

01:34:33.000 He's calling it a piss, but it's gonna be white. 0.99

01:34:35.000 Yeah, I think he's gonna rub it out. 0.99

01:34:36.000 He's gonna bang one off.

01:34:37.000 But I think with the old porn that doesn't happen today is that you have a lot of guys who did old porn that were really actors, you know?

01:34:44.000 Really?

01:34:45.000 And that the old porn was like to pay the bills.

01:34:47.000 And today, like you have a lot of guys who are just like everything and they do porn, you know, like they're, you know, personal trainers, they're all these different things.

01:34:56.000 They all want to be actors, I think.

01:34:57.000 I think at some point everybody wants to be an actor who does porn. 0.99

01:35:00.000 Because they've got amazing confidence to be able to fuck in front of other people. 1.00

01:35:03.000 That's just like balls, you know? 0.99

01:35:04.000 Something happens, I think, to a lot of people when they first come to L.A. where they have this idea that they're going to make it in show business, they're going to be an actor, and then they get out here and they see what a process it is.

01:35:15.000 They see the infinite field of gears and machines in front of them they're going to have to get ground through before they pop out on the other side.

01:35:24.000 And some people just...

01:35:25.000 They lose hope in it pretty quickly.

01:35:28.000 Yeah, that's the thing, man.

01:35:28.000 There's, like, all those people who are, like, an extra on, like, an 80s show, like, A-Team or something like that.

01:35:33.000 I'm always wondering, like, what happened to that guy?

01:35:35.000 What happened to this chick? 1.00

01:35:36.000 You know?

01:35:36.000 Like, where are they?

01:35:37.000 You know?

01:35:37.000 But I assume they're around in L.A., you know, just...

01:35:40.000 Making it happen, you know, just trying to get day-to-day, bill-to-bill, whatever.

01:35:44.000 Yeah, isn't it funny that when you used to be someone famous and then you aren't, it's sad.

01:35:49.000 But if you see someone and they were never famous, it's not sad.

01:35:53.000 No, they're trying.

01:35:54.000 Yeah, if a regular guy with a regular job at a deli, he never gets sad when you see him.

01:35:59.000 But if you went and, you know, one of the guys from different strokes is in a deli, you'd feel sad.

01:36:05.000 I used to get that all the time.

01:36:06.000 And, you know, I always say this to you because I feel like we're both, you know, In the same kind of boat here.

01:36:11.000 It's like, after I stopped doing the Insomniac show, people used to come up to me all the time and go like, what happened?

01:36:16.000 And blah, blah, blah.

01:36:17.000 And I was like, well, we were just done doing the show, you know?

01:36:19.000 And like, they're like, how could you ever be done doing TV? You do TV forever.

01:36:23.000 And to some degree, they're right.

01:36:24.000 But I was also like, I don't want it to be cheesed out, like where it keeps going and going and going.

01:36:28.000 And people would be like, you know, come to see me live.

01:36:30.000 And they're like, you know, like, this guy's a failure in show business. 0.99

01:36:35.000 When they, in my head, they don't know that like, I could give a shit about television. 0.96

01:36:39.000 It was really about being able to do stand-up, because I did stand-up before the show, during the show, after the show. 0.95

01:36:44.000 And that was really my dream. 0.99

01:36:46.000 Like, if somebody said to you, like, Dave, you can never do stand-up again, but you can have a shitty reality show, I'd be like, fuck you, I'm not going to do that. 0.99

01:36:53.000 I mean, it's like, I love... 0.99

01:36:54.000 I love the ability and freedom of doing stand-up. 0.96

01:36:58.000 Yeah, there are a lot of people that think you're a loser, though.

01:37:00.000 Because it's their dream. 0.89

01:37:02.000 And mine wasn't canceled.

01:37:03.000 It was just like, we're done doing it.

01:37:06.000 Did you get tired of doing that show, too, because people were constantly trying to get hammered with you?

01:37:09.000 There was that, but there was also the real...

01:37:12.000 And I'm pretty business-like when I work.

01:37:14.000 It was getting harder and harder instead of easier and easier.

01:37:17.000 To get access to things outside of bars.

01:37:20.000 Like, you know, working late stuff.

01:37:22.000 Like, really just cool, like, events.

01:37:24.000 Like, we would either get there, like, a week late, a week early.

01:37:27.000 For folks who don't know, Insomniac was a show that Dave did.

01:37:30.000 Yeah, on Comedy Central.

01:37:30.000 It was on Comedy Central, where it was really cool.

01:37:32.000 He would do his show, and then he would go out, and, you know, the idea would be that he's an insomniac. 0.99

01:37:37.000 You go see what the fuck's going on at night. 0.99

01:37:38.000 I really am an insomniac, and the sad part about it is being, you know, I don't drink anymore, so it's like being up For three days editing porn and having to do radio and all that kind of stuff. 0.99

01:37:48.000 There's no fun in that kind of up.

01:37:51.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:37:52.000 You don't like doing radio? 0.98

01:37:53.000 I love doing radio when it's somebody like you or ONA, Stern, where I get to just talk about other shit and just be funny. 0.94

01:38:01.000 A lot of these stations that they have me on sometimes, like these soccer mom stations, there's a lot of stuff you can talk about, but then there's also... 0.90

01:38:08.000 They want jokes.

01:38:09.000 When I do Bob and Tom, I love doing those guys because they are...

01:38:12.000 Older dudes. 0.76

01:38:13.000 They know porn. 0.92

01:38:14.000 They know all the porn things.

01:38:17.000 There's definitely some standards there, but I can work with it.

01:38:20.000 I love it.

01:38:21.000 I like being able to be...

01:38:23.000 I'm pretty good on my feet.

01:38:24.000 I can talk about a lot of different things going on in the news, whatever, politics, all that kind of stuff.

01:38:28.000 I like that.

01:38:30.000 It's exciting and it tests me.

01:38:32.000 But when it's all about you did this and give us a setup for... 0.96

01:38:36.000 You know, the football game and shit like that. 0.94

01:38:38.000 I don't like it, you know? 0.97

01:38:40.000 There's not that many really good radio people outside.

01:38:42.000 No, that's why the podcasts are cool.

01:38:44.000 A dozen or so in the whole country where you look forward to them.

01:38:47.000 There's a few guys in different radio stations where you go, this is going to be a fun show.

01:38:51.000 But there's a lot of bad, unentertaining radio. 0.97

01:38:54.000 There's two guys in San Francisco, they're gay guys.

01:38:56.000 Oh, those guys are awesome.

01:38:57.000 They're great.

01:38:57.000 Those guys are amazing.

01:38:59.000 And Johnny Dare, who I call Johnny Blaze last time, I just did his show.

01:39:03.000 He is so, he's cool because Johnny knows the porn people, he knows the business, And he's a lot of fun, you know?

01:39:11.000 So I think it's great that, you know...

01:39:14.000 Yeah, he has a fun show.

01:39:15.000 Yeah, that's in Kansas City, right?

01:39:16.000 Johnny Dare.

01:39:17.000 Shout out.

01:39:18.000 There's a bunch of good radio still.

01:39:20.000 Kevin and Bean in LA is still one of the best.

01:39:22.000 Yeah.

01:39:23.000 There's just...

01:39:23.000 You know, it's a dying market.

01:39:25.000 The radio is slowly getting absorbed.

01:39:27.000 When I say a dying thing, what I mean, it's like that morning, fun personality that really Howard Stern invented.

01:39:34.000 That's not that common anymore.

01:39:36.000 Like, that's slowly being phased out by these Jack FM channels and...

01:39:40.000 Canned sort of shows.

01:39:42.000 And people that, you know, quite honestly, they don't really have that engaging of personality.

01:39:46.000 They just know how to keep things moving along and sound like a radio host, play the right songs, take some quick breaks.

01:39:52.000 You would know it better than me.

01:39:53.000 What is that computer that tells them, like, you know, We're good to go.

01:40:20.000 And the only way you find out if someone's entertaining is you gotta let them be themselves. 0.51

01:40:23.000 And when you start fucking with this and tweaking that and changing that, people that are creative understand what's going on there, that it's a stifling sort of... 0.84

01:40:33.000 But the people that are uncreative, they're just trying to fix it. 0.97

01:40:35.000 We're just trying to make more money with this.

01:40:37.000 We're just trying to make this a better radio show.

01:40:39.000 We need a girl. 1.00

01:40:40.000 We need a sidekick. 0.92

01:40:42.000 The numbers show.

01:40:43.000 Women don't feel represented on your show. 1.00

01:40:46.000 It's got to be good.

01:40:47.000 It's got to be entertaining.

01:40:49.000 And the only way to find out if it's good or entertaining is to...

01:40:52.000 Someone's actually got to be allowed to create the show.

01:40:55.000 It's got to be the vision of one or a couple of people.

01:40:59.000 As soon as you start adding producers and non-creative people in there, you're going to fuck it up.

01:41:04.000 It's going to fuck it all up. 0.74

01:41:05.000 There's no way around it.

01:41:06.000 Every show I've ever done where the show wasn't doing well and the producers came in and the executives came in and they had notes. 0.99

01:41:12.000 Ugh, those fucking notes were terrible and they ruined everything. 0.97

01:41:15.000 Well, you know, like you said, it's got to be someone's vision. 0.99

01:41:19.000 Like, Ron and Fez, these guys, like, I listen to them, you know, and, like, they definitely have a point of view, a perspective, and there's, like, definitely a chemistry with the people in the room there, so it's intriguing to watch.

01:41:30.000 Same thing with, you know, Nick DiPaolo and Artie Lang.

01:41:32.000 They've got a sports show on, and, like, sports, unless you're a hardcore sports guy, you know, it's kind of hard to listen to it, but...

01:41:40.000 They do like a fun show about sports.

01:41:43.000 And both of them, who I respect the most as comics and as just cool dudes...

01:41:49.000 It's cool that they got a thing together and they have great, I guess you could say, back and forth chemistry.

01:41:53.000 DePaulo is one of the most underrated comics in the world.

01:41:55.000 Exactly.

01:41:56.000 He's amazing.

01:41:57.000 DePaulo was one of the guys, when I was starting out, I was like an open mic-er.

01:42:02.000 Nick was already in it a couple of years, I think.

01:42:04.000 One or two years.

01:42:05.000 And he was already solid.

01:42:06.000 He was already working.

01:42:07.000 And I remember he would be the first guy. 1.00

01:42:09.000 He's this big, fucking muscular football player. 0.99

01:42:12.000 Good looking guy, yeah. 1.00

01:42:12.000 Handsome motherfucker with a full head of hair. 1.00

01:42:14.000 And I was like, oh, you can look like that and still be funny? 1.00

01:42:17.000 I thought you had to be awkward or strange.

01:42:21.000 His stuff is so well-written, and it comes at it from such an interesting perspective. 0.97

01:42:26.000 For a Boston guy, you always feel like he's a true Boston guy, but his stuff is so sophisticatedly fucking evil. 0.93

01:42:35.000 I love it. 0.98

01:42:36.000 And angry.

01:42:37.000 Yeah, pure anger.

01:42:39.000 True anger.

01:42:39.000 And I always find that's the ultimate funny.

01:42:42.000 Somebody who's really fucking angry about something. 0.96

01:42:45.000 I like that. 0.95

01:42:45.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:42:46.000 The world needs more angry comedy.

01:42:48.000 Yeah, and Nick DiPaolo, dude. 0.98

01:42:49.000 Check him out because he's fucking cool.

01:42:51.000 And, you know, there's a whole bunch of young guys coming up now that I work with who I think also have the same heart and soul of these, like, you know, Big J, Kurt Metzger. 0.92

01:43:00.000 Yeah, Metzger's very funny. 0.96

01:43:01.000 Kurt has some of the funniest shit I've ever heard. 0.99

01:43:04.000 And, you know, he's just now working his way through the system. 0.99

01:43:07.000 You know, I worked with him in Nyack at the Levity Live.

01:43:10.000 That's a great club, by the way.

01:43:11.000 Oh, what did that used to be?

01:43:14.000 It's in the mall, so it was some kind of IMAX or something.

01:43:17.000 There was a gig in Nyack way back in the day.

01:43:19.000 I wonder if it's the same gig.

01:43:20.000 But Levity Live is like, those are the same, that do stand-up live in Phoenix?

01:43:25.000 Yeah, I couldn't fill it out.

01:43:26.000 I couldn't fill it out, but I brought...

01:43:28.000 Was it a big place?

01:43:29.000 It's probably like 500 seats.

01:43:31.000 They're making these big, giant places now.

01:43:33.000 Yeah, but do you like it?

01:43:34.000 Because you could definitely feel that kind of thing.

01:43:35.000 I did the stand-up live in Phoenix.

01:43:37.000 Yeah, I loved that club.

01:43:38.000 I loved it.

01:43:38.000 It was the biggest club that I've ever done.

01:43:41.000 It felt like...

01:43:42.000 Cool staff.

01:43:42.000 But it still felt like a club.

01:43:44.000 It didn't feel like a theater.

01:43:45.000 And I like working downtown Phoenix.

01:43:47.000 You know, everybody used to play the Tempe Improv, which was fun. 0.96

01:43:49.000 But I like downtown Phoenix because that's like the heart of the fucking, you know, that town is, that's a hardcore town. 0.99

01:43:54.000 That's a crazy town. 0.96

01:43:55.000 Yeah, so you get like a whole different crowd now.

01:43:57.000 It's not just college kids and whatever, you know.

01:43:58.000 Yeah, that's a wild west town.

01:44:00.000 It is, yeah.

01:44:01.000 You can carry a gun there.

01:44:02.000 Yeah, but people don't realize how nutty Phoenix is as a town.

01:44:05.000 We were in Scottsdale.

01:44:07.000 I've never told this story on the air before, I don't think.

01:44:09.000 But we came out of a club once, and there was all these people laying on the ground.

01:44:16.000 It was really weird.

01:44:17.000 A guy had gotten his key from the valet, and he was hammered, and he just plowed through this line of people and sent people flying through the air.

01:44:27.000 And we came out literally seconds after it happened.

01:44:31.000 And it was so strange because there was just eerie silence.

01:44:35.000 We walked out and it was literally seconds after it happened and people were lying on the ground. 1.00

01:44:40.000 Shit. 0.99

01:44:40.000 And the car was stopped and no one believed what they had seen. 0.99

01:44:44.000 That this guy had just stomped on the gas and ran a bunch of people over. 1.00

01:44:48.000 Shit. 1.00

01:44:48.000 Sent some people flying. 1.00

01:44:49.000 I believe people got like seriously, seriously injured.

01:44:52.000 I think people might have even died from it.

01:44:54.000 When was that?

01:44:55.000 It was, man, I guess it had to be the early 2000s.

01:44:59.000 Oh.

01:44:59.000 Like 2000, 2001. I think I first started doing the Tempe Improv in the late 90s.

01:45:06.000 So it could have been around there, too.

01:45:07.000 It could have been like 99, maybe.

01:45:09.000 That was a great club.

01:45:10.000 It was a great club.

01:45:11.000 That was one of the best.

01:45:12.000 I'm going to play the D.C. improv and I think that's the best improv in the country.

01:45:16.000 The improv in D.C.? Yeah, Irvine and D.C. are probably the last two really great ones.

01:45:20.000 Brea is very underrated, too.

01:45:21.000 I just played Brea, but I couldn't fill it up.

01:45:24.000 How dare you?

01:45:25.000 I know, I felt bad because I love the people that worked there.

01:45:27.000 Because people didn't know.

01:45:27.000 If they knew, they would be seeing you.

01:45:29.000 I don't know about that. 1.00

01:45:30.000 Fuck, get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:45:32.000 That's the thing about this social media stuff is it allows people to know where you're going to be. 1.00

01:45:37.000 I think it's the beach crowd, too.

01:45:39.000 I don't know.

01:45:39.000 I always blame it on, like, you know, like, it's near Huntington Beach, so it must be like, you know, the surfer people didn't, you know, come out.

01:45:45.000 They didn't connect with you?

01:45:46.000 I don't know.

01:45:46.000 I never, like, I never do any more excuses except I will ask what else is going on in town.

01:45:52.000 And if it's high school football and you're still not selling out, then I'm like... 0.98

01:45:55.000 Shit, I better fucking call a cousin and get a job doing something because this is not happening. 1.00

01:45:59.000 Dude, stop it. 1.00

01:46:00.000 You just need to get more active on Twitter.

01:46:02.000 You just need a podcast.

01:46:03.000 Yeah, a podcast would be great.

01:46:05.000 Or let us know anytime you have a show and we'll tweet it for you.

01:46:07.000 You and I were just talking.

01:46:09.000 I just want to hang and do a show with you.

01:46:11.000 I would love to do that.

01:46:12.000 It's not about money.

01:46:13.000 I want to get in front of your crowd. 0.99

01:46:15.000 I feel like your crowd would get my shit immediately. 0.99

01:46:17.000 They would love you. 1.00

01:46:18.000 100%.

01:46:19.000 No doubt.

01:46:19.000 And I would step it up.

01:46:20.000 I would not walk through the show. 1.00

01:46:21.000 I would give you my shit. 1.00

01:46:21.000 A-game. 1.00

01:46:22.000 I believe you would.

01:46:23.000 Or not just a couple of mid-jokes and, you know, whatever, Obama.

01:46:26.000 But either way, man, the people that listen to this show would love to see you wherever you are.

01:46:29.000 So just tell me where you're going to be and I'll tweet it.

01:46:31.000 Well, I'm going to San Diego this weekend and I don't even really know the club, but I'm looking forward to it because I haven't played there one.

01:46:37.000 San Diego?

01:46:38.000 Is it American Comedy Club or is it the other one? 1.00

01:46:40.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:46:41.000 The Comedy Madhouse. 1.00

01:46:42.000 I think it's the Madhouse.

01:46:43.000 It's supposed to be great. 0.99

01:46:44.000 Yeah, so I'm into doing it, and I'm going to be selling Dave's old porn shit there, too. 0.97

01:46:48.000 So if you want a hat or a shirt or some booty shorts... 0.98

01:46:52.000 See, I guarantee you...

01:46:52.000 Yeah, show them the hat.

01:46:53.000 There you go. 1.00

01:46:53.000 So I'll be doing that shit, so I'll be hanging out. 1.00

01:46:55.000 It's more that people don't know you, man. 0.99

01:46:58.000 A service we offer here at the Joe Rogan Experience is we use my Twitter, and we sold out...

01:47:04.000 Brian Callen sold out Philly in advance.

01:47:06.000 Another great comedy town.

01:47:07.000 The whole week at Helium.

01:47:09.000 Yeah, and he's never done that before, he said.

01:47:11.000 It was just from Twitter, putting it on Twitter.

01:47:12.000 I had two Columbus sold-out shows.

01:47:16.000 You guys are the man.

01:47:18.000 You are the kingmakers of comedy.

01:47:20.000 Well, we figured out a way to get through the fence, and now we're just letting other cool people through the fence.

01:47:25.000 We found a hole.

01:47:26.000 I appreciate it.

01:47:27.000 I was speaking for the other comics.

01:47:28.000 We appreciate what you do, and...

01:47:30.000 Anything that helps good, cool people come see really raw, hardcore comedy is good.

01:47:36.000 It's good for the industry.

01:47:37.000 It's good for the comics.

01:47:38.000 And it's also, let's face it, nobody has money, so you might as well just come and check it out.

01:47:45.000 Well, it's worth doing...

01:47:46.000 Look, stand-up comedy in its best form is one of the most entertaining things in show business.

01:47:51.000 In my opinion, if I had a choice between seeing a great comic...

01:47:54.000 And seeing anything else, a movie, a band, I would love comedy over all those things, like as an art form.

01:48:01.000 And it ain't easy to get right.

01:48:03.000 It's not easy.

01:48:04.000 We all know a lot of guys we don't want to watch.

01:48:06.000 We all know a lot of guys, we walk in the room, we see them on stage, they go, you wander out of there.

01:48:11.000 That's how the audience feels too. 0.94

01:48:13.000 So when we find something that's good, we promote the shit out of it. 0.87

01:48:17.000 Well, now that I've been doing it over 26 years, I've never appreciated more of the people that get the comedy Back in the day, it was like the drinking party frat guys. 1.00

01:48:27.000 Now it's like they're older now, they're all married, they bring their wives in, they're like, what the fuck is this kind of shit? 0.89

01:48:32.000 But I really appreciate the comedy fan who gets the jokes and sees like, hey dude, I saw you with Mitch Hedberg and Louis Black on tour, and that was the best tour, and I love Mitch, and all kinds of stuff. 0.99

01:48:43.000 That kind of shit, I never get tired of.

01:48:46.000 I've gotten it a lot from people who've seen you, heard you on Rogan's podcast, It's really cool to hear you guys, you know, chew it up about the comedy. 0.99

01:48:55.000 So, there are definitely a lot of comedy fans out there. 0.99

01:48:58.000 We just need you guys to, like, fucking come to the clubs. 0.98

01:49:01.000 Well, they just need to find out where you're at. 0.99

01:49:03.000 I guarantee you that's a big part of it.

01:49:05.000 There's a lot of people that are huge David Tell fans.

01:49:07.000 They just wouldn't know that you're gonna be somewhere. 0.98

01:49:09.000 Yeah, I'm kind of a dick. 0.99

01:49:10.000 There's only one way. 0.97

01:49:12.000 It's like, to really reach people, it's gotta be a social media thing.

01:49:15.000 You have to have a website that you update on a regular basis.

01:49:18.000 You have to have Twitter.

01:49:19.000 What about Flyers?

01:49:20.000 That doesn't really.

01:49:21.000 Only in parking lots.

01:49:22.000 Yeah, just hire a guy flyer for a couple hours. 0.99

01:49:25.000 Fucking flyer on my car yesterday. 1.00

01:49:27.000 World famous psychic. 1.00

01:49:29.000 I should give out her number on the air.

01:49:31.000 Should I? That was one of the funniest things I ever saw in airport security was a crystal ball.

01:49:35.000 Like somebody was trying to get a crystal ball through airport security and they took it from them.

01:49:39.000 And you're like, the joke, of course, the easy joke.

01:49:41.000 Didn't they know that they were...

01:49:43.000 You know, but, I mean, honestly, that was hilarious.

01:49:46.000 What did they think it was?

01:49:47.000 A bomb. 1.00

01:49:47.000 Some kind of bomb, a neutron, EMT, blast, fucking space. 1.00

01:49:51.000 Nitrogen ball inside there. 1.00

01:49:54.000 Warlock. 1.00

01:49:54.000 Did you see that fucking explosion in Indianapolis? 1.00

01:49:58.000 I didn't even see it yet. 1.00

01:49:59.000 Holy shit, dude. 0.99

01:50:00.000 Some house exploded in Indianapolis. 0.99

01:50:02.000 Yeah, what was that?

01:50:03.000 Most likely a gas leak. 0.99

01:50:05.000 That shit happens sometimes. 1.00

01:50:07.000 It happened. 1.00

01:50:08.000 There was another one on my message board.

01:50:09.000 A guy was saying that one happened four miles from his house.

01:50:13.000 Wow.

01:50:13.000 And he said he could feel the blast on his chest.

01:50:16.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:50:17.000 Yeah, from four miles away from his house. 0.99

01:50:19.000 Oh, there it is. 0.99

01:50:21.000 When you see what it looks like, that ain't shit. 0.98

01:50:24.000 You got to see the overhead. 0.99

01:50:25.000 There's an overhead shot that's unbelievable.

01:50:27.000 It doesn't even make sense.

01:50:29.000 Oh, look at that, man.

01:50:29.000 Like a drone strike.

01:50:30.000 Look at that.

01:50:31.000 It looks just like a drone strike or like some sort of a missile strike.

01:50:36.000 Go to images and there's one large photo of an overhead image where it shows...

01:50:43.000 There's one of them right there.

01:50:45.000 Click on that one.

01:50:46.000 Here's a video of it.

01:50:47.000 Yeah, but go to the images just because there's one image that's so insane.

01:50:52.000 You can't even wrap your head around how big the explosion was.

01:50:59.000 I don't know if that's it.

01:51:02.000 Yeah.

01:51:03.000 Oh, wow.

01:51:03.000 Wow!

01:51:04.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:51:05.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:51:07.000 Dude, they're splinters. 1.00

01:51:09.000 They're reduced to splinters. 0.99

01:51:10.000 The house is fucking exploded. 0.99

01:51:13.000 What a heartache that must be. 0.99

01:51:14.000 Like, you come in and you see your house is just fucking pulverized. 0.97

01:51:17.000 Or if you explode. 0.98

01:51:17.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:51:18.000 Or if it happens to you. 0.99

01:51:19.000 Well, that's something that we have to remember is that we have fucking gas pumping into our houses. 1.00

01:51:24.000 It's amazing that that shit doesn't happen on a regular basis. 0.99

01:51:27.000 Oh, here's a good gas story before. 0.99

01:51:28.000 I got it both.

01:51:29.000 I got to go do some other stuff.

01:51:30.000 You got another show to do.

01:51:32.000 Yeah, sorry, dude. 0.99

01:51:32.000 I could stay here for fucking nine hours and it would never get boring. 0.99

01:51:37.000 But what was I going to say? 0.99

01:51:39.000 In my house, I thought I had a gas leak.

01:51:40.000 So, you know, I get the handy guy come in and he's like, well, first of all, you don't have gas.

01:51:46.000 And I'm like, you sure about that?

01:51:47.000 And he goes, yeah, you don't.

01:51:48.000 So then I'm like, why do I have this blinding headache?

01:51:51.000 You know, because that's what I thought.

01:51:52.000 Because with gas leak, you always think I'm like, oh, you know, like they always say you're dizzy, blinding headache.

01:51:56.000 I'm like, Oh, okay, so I'm really just basically on deck for a stroke.

01:52:00.000 So, you know, I went through the normal, like, you know, I was like, it's gas, it's not me.

01:52:04.000 It's like, oh no, my brain, I'm an aneurysm, something's gonna happen.

01:52:07.000 So you sent the guy in because you had a headache and you just assumed it had to be?

01:52:10.000 Yeah, I thought it was gas.

01:52:11.000 You didn't smell gas? 1.00

01:52:12.000 My place fucking reeks of just... 1.00

01:52:15.000 It's horrible. 1.00

01:52:16.000 Where do you live in New York?

01:52:18.000 I live in Manhattan.

01:52:19.000 What part?

01:52:20.000 What's the address?

01:52:21.000 Okay, cool.

01:52:22.000 Which apartment?

01:52:22.000 I live in Battery Park, right near the memorial.

01:52:25.000 It was washed out now.

01:52:26.000 It's an aquarium.

01:52:27.000 But I live in the city, so I figured it was like they're on gas or something like that.

01:52:32.000 And it turns out there's no gas there. 0.99

01:52:34.000 And I was like, oh shit, okay. 0.98

01:52:36.000 So then this is just my neuro-something about to be... 1.00

01:52:40.000 I'll be eating baby food.

01:52:43.000 Shivo-ing it. 1.00

01:52:44.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:52:46.000 Do you live in the thick of it where you look out your window and you just see nothing but skyscrapers?

01:52:50.000 Everything is skyscrapers.

01:52:52.000 There's no good view anymore. 0.99

01:52:53.000 You've got to be like Donald Trump to have a view where you're just like a dick and you just laugh. 0.99

01:52:57.000 But everyone wants to be on the park. 0.99

01:53:00.000 I never got that whole idea.

01:53:03.000 I like being in a place where I can get in a cab and get to the airport because I'm a comic.

01:53:08.000 It's all about getting at him and that.

01:53:11.000 Which is impossible now because the mayor shut down all these streets and there's bike lanes, there's unicycle lanes, there's skip to my loo lanes. 0.98

01:53:20.000 It sucks.

01:53:21.000 This is post-hurricane you mean? 0.97

01:53:22.000 No, this has been the last two years where they made it more walking friendly.

01:53:26.000 And in Manhattan, honestly, it's so hard to get around to begin with.

01:53:30.000 It just made it impossible.

01:53:31.000 Is it the only city that has cabs like that?

01:53:34.000 Because I've never been to a city that's dominated by cabs, the way Manhattan is.

01:53:37.000 I mean, I can't think of another place.

01:53:39.000 That's so strange, where they've just decided, like, look, you can't park, forget it, we'll park for you.

01:53:44.000 Don't even try it.

01:53:45.000 Just let us take care of you. 1.00

01:53:46.000 Well, the cool thing about living in Manhattan is that you don't have to have a car, because there's the subway, and then there's cabs, and then there's buses.

01:53:51.000 Yeah, but you're letting all these other people drive for you all the time.

01:53:54.000 Yeah, but I mean, come on.

01:53:56.000 It's not like a limo.

01:53:57.000 I mean, you know, some guy from Senegal is up there.

01:53:59.000 Right, but you've got to trust this guy to just drive you around.

01:54:02.000 You don't even know this guy.

01:54:03.000 True.

01:54:03.000 They never know where they're going either.

01:54:05.000 Well, it's also a weird thing.

01:54:07.000 You're constantly interacting with all these other people, like in close proximity, in cabs.

01:54:13.000 Well, that's why I like going to Minneapolis, because it's like, The whitest town with the most African cab drivers. 1.00

01:54:19.000 These are boy soldiers.

01:54:20.000 They brought them over there and they're all cab drivers. 0.99

01:54:24.000 And they know the town pretty well because they're pretty into not going back to wherever the fuck they're from. 0.99

01:54:28.000 So they're on it. 0.99

01:54:29.000 In New York, the guys are like, eh.

01:54:30.000 Do you remember that one year where they shot like 48 cab drivers in a year?

01:54:36.000 Oh, right.

01:54:37.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:54:38.000 It was like a serial cab.

01:54:39.000 Wow.

01:54:39.000 Really?

01:54:40.000 It was really bad.

01:54:41.000 They were robbing cab drivers.

01:54:42.000 So they would take...

01:54:43.000 And that's one of the reasons why cab drivers would stop picking up urbans. 0.99

01:54:47.000 Really?

01:54:47.000 Stop picking up the urban kids.

01:54:49.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:54:50.000 Wink, wink. 1.00

01:54:51.000 They would take them somewhere and they would just shoot them in the head and take all their money. 1.00

01:54:56.000 Wow. 0.99

01:54:57.000 It was really common.

01:54:58.000 I believe it was like 48 was the record one year. 1.00

01:55:01.000 And it was pretty spooky for these fucking cab drivers, especially those gypsy cabs. 1.00

01:55:06.000 There's a lot of people that are operating as cab drivers that have different licenses or no licenses, and they're just sort of sneaking around and giving people rides. 1.00

01:55:13.000 Undercover shit. 0.98

01:55:13.000 Yeah, if you mean you could just sneak around and give people rides. 0.98

01:55:17.000 We got that in England.

01:55:18.000 A guy gave us a ride.

01:55:19.000 He wasn't even a cab driver.

01:55:20.000 He gave us a deal.

01:55:22.000 Don't they have to go to a cab driving school there?

01:55:24.000 They have to learn the knowledge.

01:55:25.000 They have to learn all the street.

01:55:27.000 In England?

01:55:27.000 Yeah.

01:55:27.000 I don't know.

01:55:28.000 In London, I know they do.

01:55:29.000 They have to go through this incredible... 0.99

01:55:31.000 They're also like, their father was a cab driver, and their father's father kind of bullshit. 0.97

01:55:35.000 When we were in, I think it was in Manchester, with my friend Dave Bishop, we got a ride with some dude who was just an illegal cab driver. 0.98

01:55:44.000 Oh, really?

01:55:44.000 There was a lot of illegal cab drivers, because there's not enough regular cabs.

01:55:47.000 Wow.

01:55:47.000 So there's these dudes who have little navigation systems, like, you need a ride?

01:55:50.000 Okay, I got you.

01:55:51.000 All right, 20 bucks?

01:55:52.000 And you negotiate with him, and you just hop in his car. 1.00

01:55:54.000 It was like a fucking Toyota Tercel. 0.99

01:55:56.000 That's a good idea. 0.99

01:55:57.000 Yeah, I think it's pretty common.

01:55:59.000 I think it's illegal though.

01:56:00.000 I think they can get in trouble if they do it.

01:56:02.000 But it's like there's so much demand for it because there's not enough cabs.

01:56:05.000 Hopefully porn stars start doing that since they're going to all be out of work soon. 1.00

01:56:09.000 What is the deal now?

01:56:10.000 How are the porn stars reacting to, for folks who don't know, Brian said they're going to be out of work because they just passed some crazy news.

01:56:16.000 Not out of work.

01:56:17.000 It's just that they've made it a lot more annoying.

01:56:20.000 Now they have to go outside of LA County to do porn.

01:56:23.000 They can go to Ventura County though, can't they?

01:56:25.000 Yeah, they have to all go out.

01:56:27.000 Is it California Statewide?

01:56:29.000 No, it's just Los Angeles County.

01:56:32.000 So all you're going to find is more annoyed and more porn stars are going to be late to set.

01:56:38.000 I don't know.

01:56:40.000 When I do the AVNs, I'm sure that'll be a topic or something like that.

01:56:44.000 They will keep making porn.

01:56:46.000 They'll keep losing money making porn.

01:56:48.000 There'll be more, like, you know, illegal downloaded porn, all that kind of stuff.

01:56:52.000 So it's a lose-lose proposition all the way around, and then making it, you know...

01:56:57.000 Explain to people who don't know what it is, what we're talking about.

01:56:59.000 Well, I don't really...

01:57:00.000 I'm not from here, so I kind of know they have to wear condoms now.

01:57:03.000 It's Prop B, which was...

01:57:05.000 I think it was Prop B, but it passed, and what that means is they have to wear condoms now. 0.88

01:57:10.000 If they're doing a blowjob, they have to have, like, the mouth condom. 1.00

01:57:13.000 Wow. 0.99

01:57:13.000 If... 0.99

01:57:14.000 But what sucks is they had all these hidden things built into it.

01:57:18.000 Meaning if you're married at home and you want to go on MyFreeCams or whatever, do a webcam show, you have to have a permit that costs up to something ridiculous like $60,000 just to do that. 0.97

01:57:31.000 Just that porn with your own wife webcam. 1.00

01:57:33.000 So there's all these hidden things that they put in there on top of it. 0.98

01:57:37.000 And everyone knows that AIDS is not real, so...

01:57:40.000 Well, according to Dr. Peter Duisburg, but we really shouldn't be saying AIDS is not real.

01:57:46.000 You know, the thing about making porn now is there's such little money in it.

01:57:51.000 I think a lot of girls think, like, I'll just do porn for a while, and that'll be this amazing amount of money, and then I'll go off and do other things. 1.00

01:57:59.000 But porn is like, I'd say it would be like, Working like the maitre d' at like a fancy restaurant, you're making that kind of money, but you're doing it in like an afternoon.

01:58:08.000 But like, you know, instead of working a whole week, you're going to make that much money.

01:58:11.000 And they work scene to scene unless they're a contract girl. 1.00

01:58:13.000 And the contract girls probably make some more money and they also get a lot more publicity. 1.00

01:58:17.000 But unless the girls actually control their image and own their material, their chances of making the sizable amount of money, which they're due, by the way, they are definitely due money. 1.00

01:58:29.000 It's very low.

01:58:30.000 And, you know, I think the industry itself is going through a big transition about, like, what are we going to do?

01:58:35.000 How are we going to make the net work for us?

01:58:37.000 Because it definitely works for the people watching.

01:58:39.000 You know that.

01:58:40.000 I mean, there would be no internet without porn.

01:58:42.000 You know that.

01:58:42.000 Well, it's an interesting thing the way it happened where they all of a sudden didn't have an outlet to make money anymore.

01:58:49.000 Yeah.

01:58:49.000 It's like no more DVD sales.

01:58:51.000 They just completely went away.

01:58:52.000 I still buy DVDs.

01:58:53.000 I'm like the last guy.

01:58:54.000 Yeah.

01:58:55.000 What do you think?

01:58:56.000 What is the drop-off?

01:58:57.000 It was an enormous drop-off because I used to have a lot of porn producers.

01:59:01.000 A lot of guys used to come to jiu-jitsu.

01:59:04.000 Yeah.

01:59:04.000 They used to train at John Jock's place in the valley.

01:59:06.000 And they were rich as fuck. 0.97

01:59:08.000 They had these big, ballin' cars, and those guys, a lot of them lost their houses, got their houses repossessed. 0.99

01:59:14.000 It was really common.

01:59:15.000 I think in porn, too, people live for the moment, so there's probably a lot of guys who have money, but they, you know, like, want to show it off.

01:59:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:59:22.000 Kind of like rapper-type dudes.

01:59:24.000 Yeah, definitely.

01:59:24.000 And, you know, they think the money's going to always be coming in, and, like, you know, might as well buy that car and, like, a boat and all that kind of stuff.

01:59:29.000 And then a lot of girls also live kind of high up there. 1.00

01:59:33.000 And now they realize they're like, you know, I really should save some money.

01:59:36.000 But at least the girls are still getting some money. 1.00

01:59:38.000 The guys, the producers, that shit's done, man. 1.00

01:59:41.000 It's over. 1.00

01:59:41.000 I don't know how they make money now. 1.00

01:59:43.000 I have no idea who's making money and how it's being made.

01:59:46.000 I know that there was a big buyout on a lot of these companies where now they're all kind of under one flag and that it's good and bad for porn where like, you know, a lot of these independent producers...

01:59:56.000 Have been bought out.

01:59:57.000 Hopefully they made some money like a dot-com kind of thing, but I doubt it.

02:00:01.000 You know, now it's someone else's headache.

02:00:02.000 You know, the whole, like, you know, how you get it out of there, distribution, all that kind of stuff.

02:00:06.000 So it's an interesting business because, you know, I don't know much about the actual making of the porn.

02:00:11.000 I just know about the licensing and all that kind of stuff.

02:00:13.000 And that a lot of these titles, you know, it's a very gray area, you know, in terms of, like, who owns what, who can show what.

02:00:20.000 And at the end of the day, it's all going to end up on the net and people are just going to watch it for free.

02:00:23.000 So, you know, all that money you're spending for a lawyer, you realize you're like, you know, is this worth it?

02:00:29.000 You want to be on the up and up and you want the business to make money.

02:00:31.000 And I do. 0.97

02:00:32.000 I really want, you know, this show is about tributizing not only the old porn stores but making it a cool place for young ones to come out and show everybody that they're funny and cool and they're just, you don't need to see them naked without them being interesting and that, you know, it's great for comics to roll with this kind of shit since we all know the porn.

02:00:49.000 And it's kind of like, it's very important for me that this show works for the industry.

02:00:56.000 You know, like, and at the AVNs, When I meet the people, they go, oh, I love the show. 0.96

02:01:00.000 I love what you're doing for porn, and I never really got it, but now I get it, because it's a place for the people to see them do something besides fuck. 0.82

02:01:07.000 Yeah, to see them in a positive light, too. 0.98

02:01:09.000 Exactly. 0.99

02:01:10.000 It's a weird thing with morals, where people look down on porn in a strange way, yet it gets seen and used by so many fucking people. 0.99

02:01:20.000 If you look at the numbers, the amount of people that are involved in watching porn is fucking staggering. 0.98

02:01:27.000 The amount of porn downloads It's supposedly 40% or somewhere around there of the internet's entire traffic. 0.97

02:01:34.000 You're not lying, yeah.

02:01:34.000 So what's crazy to me is that that industry, when the internet boom came along, that industry was essentially gutted, took the legs right off of it.

02:01:45.000 The industry fell apart.

02:01:47.000 People were completely out of the business.

02:01:49.000 People lost jobs like crazy.

02:01:51.000 Right.

02:01:52.000 But those jobs were never deemed to be legitimate, so there was never any talk of a bailout.

02:01:56.000 There was never any talk of government assistance.

02:01:58.000 Right.

02:01:59.000 Chevy's okay.

02:02:00.000 We have to save Chevy.

02:02:01.000 Chevy's important.

02:02:02.000 Chevy makes cars.

02:02:03.000 We can't lose Chevy jobs. 0.95

02:02:05.000 So they went in to save Chevy or GM, but they didn't do shit about the porn business. 0.97

02:02:09.000 They just let it die. 0.89

02:02:11.000 They'll always be porn and they'll always be a porn business, but they are scraping by.

02:02:15.000 Bank bailouts?

02:02:16.000 Absolutely.

02:02:16.000 Exactly.

02:02:17.000 Porn bailouts? 1.00

02:02:18.000 No fucking way. 1.00

02:02:18.000 I don't even know how they do it. 1.00

02:02:20.000 I don't know how they...

02:02:20.000 Do they have backers?

02:02:22.000 Is this like...

02:02:23.000 Just some money they found from jungle gold digging.

02:02:26.000 I don't know how they do it.

02:02:27.000 Has there been a business that fell apart that's that big of a business that almost completely evaporated in such a short period of time?

02:02:35.000 The porn, yeah.

02:02:36.000 Besides porn. 0.67

02:02:37.000 I can't think of one.

02:02:37.000 The music business, I guess.

02:02:38.000 Yeah.

02:02:39.000 Porn and music, and also to some degree, I guess, comedy.

02:02:41.000 I don't think so.

02:02:43.000 I don't think comedy's really been affected by it in a negative way.

02:02:45.000 I don't know.

02:02:46.000 I'd say the downloads and all that kind of stuff.

02:02:48.000 I think it helps us.

02:02:49.000 I think it makes people want to come see us live.

02:02:51.000 I hope so.

02:02:52.000 I think for artists, I think it's switched to a live performance model for rather music artists.

02:02:59.000 But for porn, man, what are they going to do? 1.00

02:03:01.000 Fuck live? 1.00

02:03:01.000 Maybe that's what they should do. 1.00

02:03:03.000 Maybe they should have live fuck shows. 0.99

02:03:04.000 If this was Estonia, yeah, they would be doing it. 0.99

02:03:07.000 Why don't they do it anyway?

02:03:08.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:03:08.000 Have a live fuck show. 1.00

02:03:09.000 Why can't, like, wouldn't you pay money to go see Dana D'Armand fuck, Brian? 1.00

02:03:13.000 They do live fuck shows. 1.00

02:03:14.000 They have sex shows all the time. 1.00

02:03:16.000 Where?

02:03:17.000 The guy in Columbus was telling me that...

02:03:18.000 No, no, no, but legal.

02:03:20.000 Yeah, that's like a pit bull fight somewhere in someone's basement.

02:03:23.000 Yeah.

02:03:25.000 Alright, now that we've deemed who the champion rooster is...

02:03:28.000 Some guy with a hot chick in his arm holding up a gold bar.

02:03:32.000 I got my money on...

02:03:33.000 I think they have that, though, in San Francisco, legally.

02:03:35.000 I don't think so.

02:03:36.000 They used to have that theater. 0.70

02:03:38.000 Mitchell Brothers.

02:03:39.000 They do things there.

02:03:41.000 They would spit on dildos and shove them in you. 1.00

02:03:45.000 And pee in gloves.

02:03:46.000 Either way, man, I can't thank you enough for having me on.

02:03:49.000 Please, man, you're awesome.

02:03:50.000 I love talking to you.

02:03:52.000 I love talking to you, too, man.

02:03:53.000 Please let us promote your gigs.

02:03:56.000 If you have gigs coming up, people want to know about them, and I want to tell them, so let me know anytime you're anywhere.

02:04:01.000 I guarantee you, all these people on Twitter, they're saying yes, yes, yes to that right now.

02:04:06.000 Well, I'll be in San Diego, but when I get back to LA, if you're doing anything around town, let me know, because I want to come out and just...

02:04:11.000 You know, five minutes.

02:04:12.000 I just want to hang out.

02:04:13.000 Okay, well, we'll do it.

02:04:14.000 Listen, when are you going to be back here again?

02:04:15.000 We'll schedule a show here at the Ice House.

02:04:17.000 Okay, I'll be here through the whole, whatever.

02:04:20.000 We'll work it out, dude.

02:04:21.000 We will work it out.

02:04:21.000 It'll be good.

02:04:22.000 Who doesn't want to come in on air, ladies and gentlemen?

02:04:23.000 No, no, no, no.

02:04:24.000 It's like, I don't even have a schedule here.

02:04:27.000 I understand.

02:04:28.000 Ladies and gentlemen, we got a crazy week coming up.

02:04:31.000 Let me tell you about the dude we got tomorrow.

02:04:34.000 Oh, I can't wait.

02:04:34.000 He's a robotics guy.

02:04:36.000 He has a bunch of books about robots pretty much taking over the world and stuff like that.

02:04:41.000 From porn to robotics, wow.

02:04:44.000 Robotpocalypse, I think.

02:04:46.000 Robopocalypse is...

02:04:47.000 Let me get his information here.

02:04:53.000 He's Daniel Wilson.

02:04:55.000 He's a young guy and he's got a PhD in robotics.

02:04:57.000 And he wrote Robo-pocalypse, which is a novel about a robotic insurrection against men.

02:05:04.000 Basically like a Terminator type movie that Steven Spielberg is going to turn into a movie.

02:05:08.000 But he's a technology expert.

02:05:10.000 We're going to talk about military robots, privacy issues, artificial intelligence, the future on how long until we start incorporating robotics technology into our own bodies.

02:05:19.000 It's gonna get freaky!

02:05:20.000 So that's tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen.

02:05:22.000 And then we'll probably do Eddie Bravo on Wednesday.

02:05:24.000 It's all about when I can set up this.

02:05:27.000 I'm having some work done at the studio.

02:05:29.000 So thank you to Matt Staggs, the official Death Squad publicist, for hooking this up. 0.99

02:05:34.000 He's a very cool motherfucker. 0.98

02:05:35.000 And the host of the Disinfo podcast as well. 0.99

02:05:42.000 Publicist, author, very cool guy, Matt Staggs.

02:05:44.000 Is he an author?

02:05:45.000 I don't know.

02:05:45.000 He's an author of emails.

02:05:47.000 His emails are very well written.

02:05:49.000 Thanks to Dave Attell, ladies and gentlemen.

02:05:51.000 Follow him on Twitter.

02:05:52.000 Attell.

02:05:52.000 A-T-T-E-L-L on Twitter.

02:05:54.000 It's at Attell.

02:05:55.000 At Attell. 0.96

02:05:57.000 Or Dave's old porn. 0.94

02:05:58.000 Or just old porn on Twitter.

02:05:59.000 But most importantly, Attell.

02:06:01.000 Send him some love, ladies and gentlemen.

02:06:03.000 Let him know you love him.

02:06:04.000 The guys... 0.61

02:06:05.000 He's at old porn.

02:06:07.000 His show is fantastic.

02:06:09.000 It's a really, really funny show.

02:06:11.000 I enjoyed doing it. 0.95

02:06:12.000 It was fucking really fun. 0.98

02:06:13.000 Thursday. 0.97

02:06:14.000 Yeah.

02:06:14.000 Showtime.

02:06:15.000 This Thursday on Showtime.

02:06:17.000 Ting.

02:06:17.000 Thank you to Ting for sponsoring our podcast.

02:06:19.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and save $50 off any of the Android devices.

02:06:25.000 Some badass phones there.

02:06:26.000 No contracts.

02:06:28.000 Cancel anytime you want. 1.00

02:06:29.000 Tell the big boys, these big networks to go, fuck themselves, goddammit. 1.00

02:06:33.000 So this weekend we will see you in Montreal. 1.00

02:06:35.000 That shit is sold out, you dirty bitches. 1.00

02:06:37.000 But there is a Death Squad show. 1.00

02:06:40.000 Is it here?

02:06:40.000 Friday night?

02:06:41.000 Friday night here and then 12-12-12 at the American Comedy Co.

02:06:44.000 in San Diego.

02:06:45.000 And who is it here?

02:06:46.000 Who's here?

02:06:46.000 I don't know yet.

02:06:47.000 I'm putting it together right now.

02:06:48.000 Okay, in 12-12-12, I will likely be there for that, but we don't know yet. 0.99

02:06:52.000 I got a lot of shit going on. 0.99

02:06:54.000 Bitches, I'm busy, yo. 1.00

02:06:57.000 Thanks to Onnit.com, go to O-N-N-I-T and use the code name ROGAN and you will save 10% off any and all supplements. 0.91

02:07:06.000 If you use the code word SANDY, we will take that 10% and donate it to Hurricane Relief.

02:07:12.000 We decided to go with the Salvation Army because we find that in this instance, they are giving 100% of the donations to Hurricane Relief, whereas some of them it gets down to as low as like 30%.

02:07:25.000 That's kind of important, like how much of your money actually goes to the, not to the infrastructure of the charity, but actually goes to help.

02:07:35.000 Hire-primate.com is my t-shirt company.

02:07:38.000 There's new t-shirts in.

02:07:39.000 This is the...

02:07:40.000 The Monkey Gas Mask Chimp. 0.99

02:07:43.000 By Mike Maxwell.

02:07:45.000 Yeah, Mike Maxwell did some badass artwork on this.

02:07:48.000 It's his higher primary department of health and welfare. 0.81

02:07:51.000 And we also have another new one that he just designed that's fucking amazing. 0.67

02:07:54.000 I can't wait until that one gets released.

02:07:56.000 And a couple of shirts that he designed that were based on posters for a Chicago gig and Atlanta gig with Joey Diaz and Duncan Trussell.

02:08:04.000 Alright, I talk too much.

02:08:06.000 It's official. 1.00

02:08:06.000 I'm tired of hearing my own fucking voice, goddammit! 1.00

02:08:10.000 Mad love to all you ladies and gentlemen out there in the Twitterverse, in the universe. 0.99

02:08:14.000 We appreciate the fuck out of every one of you.

02:08:17.000 All the positive tweets and all the cool people that we meet after shows. 0.67

02:08:22.000 It's humbling, it's overwhelming, and we never get tired of it.

02:08:27.000 We appreciate the fuck out of all of you, and we're doing this for you guys, officially.

02:08:32.000 We will never stop. 0.93

02:08:33.000 We will roll on.

02:08:34.000 We will get through this together.

02:08:36.000 Rise, ladies and gentlemen.

02:08:38.000 Rise and evolve.

02:08:39.000 You are not the person you were yesterday.

02:08:41.000 You are an accumulation of your experiences.

02:08:43.000 Be the hero in your own life. 1.00

02:08:45.000 I love all you bitches. 1.00

02:08:47.000 I'll see you tomorrow. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 12, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #283 - Dave Attell

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