The Joe Rogan Experience - December 11, 2012


Joe Rogan Experience #295 - Tom Segura, Christina Pazsitzky


Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 32 minutes

Words per minute

189.93655

Word count

28,940

Sentence count

3,198

Harmful content

Misogyny

170

sentences flagged

Hate speech

129

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, we talk about the importance of a good night's rest and how important it is to take care of yourself in order to be the best version of yourself on the road. We also talk about why it's so important to have a support network to keep you on track and keep you focused on the task at hand. Joe also talks about his struggles with sleep and how he's trying to get better at getting the most out of every single day. We also discuss how important sleep is in regards to your mental and physical well-being, and how to get a good nights rest so you can have the best possible day and/or night to accomplish the most you can in the most productive possible amount of time. Joe also gives us some tips and tricks on how we can improve our sleep so we can make the most of our day to day life and get the best amount of rest we can possibly get. Enjoy the episode and tweet me if you liked it! with any feedback! Timestamps: 0:00 - How much sleep do you get? 6:30 - How often do you need to sleep? 7:00 8:15 - What are you getting enough rest? 9:20 - How do you feel like you need it? 10:40 - What is the most important part of your day? 11:15 12:30 13:20 14:00 Is sleep important to you? 15: How often should you get enough? 16:00 Sleep? 17:00 How much of your mental clarity? 18:40 19: How much rest should you need? 21:00 Do you need a good amount of sleep 22:00 What do you want to get enough rest 23:00 Can you be a good day 25:00 Does your brain get enough sleep 24:00 Should you get more rest 26:30 Is your brain rest enough 27:30 What s your favorite type of coffee? 26 - How can I get enough so that I can be more productive? 29: How do I get more focused? 32:30 Can I get a better? 35:00 I m going to be more rest more? 30:00 More? 33:00 Are you getting more rest and less rest 36:00 Some other stuff?

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:02.000 Now we're live on Ustream.
00:00:05.000 It's a series of events that have to take place, Tommy Bunz.
00:00:08.000 I like it.
00:00:09.000 Including me shutting off my laptop.
00:00:11.000 Oh, really?
00:00:13.000 No, my volume.
00:00:15.000 I'm a retard.
00:00:16.000 I always leave it on.
00:00:18.000 There's like a checklist of shit that I should do before the podcast starts.
00:00:21.000 Number one, turn the volume off on my laptop so I don't hear myself.
00:00:24.000 That's stupid, right?
00:00:26.000 I'm sure we should put together a list.
00:00:28.000 Put together a list.
00:00:29.000 Checklist.
00:00:29.000 I need to get my shit together, Tommy.
00:00:31.000 It doesn't look like it's getting any better.
00:00:34.000 The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Onnit.
00:00:39.000 If you go to O-N-N-I-T, you will check out some manly shit like kettlebells and battle ropes.
00:00:46.000 That's the kind of shit I be using lately.
00:00:49.000 I hired a trainer recently.
00:00:50.000 Did you really?
00:00:51.000 Yeah, this young dude that I do jiu-jitsu with that's always in awesome shape and kicks my ass.
00:00:57.000 These fucking workouts are so brutal.
00:00:59.000 Are you doing like cross-training style stuff?
00:01:01.000 Well, I feel like if you don't have someone yelling at you, you know, getting you to do shit, it's like no matter how hard you push yourself, you don't quite push yourself as hard.
00:01:09.000 It's not even close, man.
00:01:10.000 That's exactly why I don't push myself.
00:01:15.000 Yeah, that's exactly right.
00:01:17.000 I just started doing that recently.
00:01:19.000 It's pretty badass.
00:01:20.000 I hire somebody every once in a while for like a month, and I'm like, that shit's too hard.
00:01:25.000 This kid's name is Justin.
00:01:27.000 He trains at my gym, and I would watch him as a trainer, and I'm like, this guy never gets fucking tired.
00:01:32.000 So I said, I go, what are you doing for conditioning?
00:01:34.000 He told me he's a trainer.
00:01:35.000 And so I said, let me work out with you one day.
00:01:38.000 He had me doing all kinds of insane shit.
00:01:39.000 How long the workouts are you doing?
00:01:40.000 It's only an hour.
00:01:42.000 That's all I can take.
00:01:42.000 But intense hour is awesome.
00:01:44.000 Oh, it's retarded, dude. 1.00
00:01:45.000 It's all like medicine balls and jumping over this and jumping squats and all this nutty track and field shit and jumping over boxes and push-ups left to right, left to right, left to right.
00:01:58.000 All this crazy conditioning type shit.
00:02:01.000 Holy fuck is it hard to do.
00:02:03.000 Every time I've done a workout with a trainer and it's been like an hour, I'm always amazed at how little I usually accomplish in an hour.
00:02:11.000 You know what I mean?
00:02:12.000 Because you finish with a trainer and you're like, Man, we did that in an hour.
00:02:16.000 I usually spend an hour and I do a fraction of one of those things.
00:02:20.000 It's hard to really fucking buckle down.
00:02:24.000 I can do it a little bit.
00:02:25.000 I can do it every now and again.
00:02:26.000 But I think on a regular basis, sometimes you need to take a class or something to have someone yell at you.
00:02:33.000 It's like working with a deadline.
00:02:34.000 You ever work with a deadline and you realize what you accomplished?
00:02:37.000 And then when you're on your own again, you're like, yeah.
00:02:40.000 Fucking lazy bitch. 1.00
00:02:41.000 What's wrong with me?
00:02:44.000 I've worked with a deadline a few times from the road, and I'm like, holy shit how much work I just accomplished this weekend.
00:02:51.000 And then it's usually the opposite thought, like, holy shit, I went the entire weekend without doing one product.
00:02:58.000 I got up, and I went down to do the show, and I dropped off four times, and that's it, and that's the day.
00:03:04.000 It's amazing how much time you can waste.
00:03:07.000 But it's a crazy feeling when you set the bar really high, And you accomplish something in a short period of time.
00:03:14.000 You accomplish a lot of things.
00:03:15.000 Because then, you know, you've got to keep that pace up.
00:03:18.000 That's brutal.
00:03:19.000 Yeah.
00:03:19.000 It's hard.
00:03:20.000 It's very hard.
00:03:22.000 The creative pace.
00:03:23.000 This has nothing to do with Onnit.com.
00:03:25.000 That's all right.
00:03:25.000 That was a fun time.
00:03:27.000 But whatever, folks.
00:03:28.000 Go buy some vitamins for your brain.
00:03:31.000 Some Shroom Tech Sport.
00:03:33.000 We have hemp protein powder, we have kettlebells, as I said, battle ropes, all kinds of cool shit, all of it.
00:03:40.000 Health and fitness related and mental focus and clarity related.
00:03:45.000 You still have the sleep one?
00:03:46.000 Yeah.
00:03:47.000 Well, it's not a sleep one.
00:03:48.000 It's a mood booster.
00:03:50.000 It's a 5-HTP and L-tryptophan supplement.
00:03:53.000 Does it have melatonin in it?
00:03:55.000 No.
00:03:55.000 I don't think so.
00:03:56.000 Does it?
00:03:57.000 I should know that.
00:03:58.000 Let's Google it.
00:04:00.000 Because it's...
00:04:01.000 Bing it.
00:04:02.000 Don't do it.
00:04:03.000 Don't you bing. 1.00
00:04:04.000 Bing all of it.
00:04:05.000 What it does...
00:04:06.000 Did you get boot blade, Joe?
00:04:08.000 What it does is it's 5-HTP. It makes your brain produce serotonin.
00:04:15.000 And...
00:04:16.000 L-tryptophan converts to 5-HTP. So it, like, literally, it acts as...
00:04:22.000 Sort of a time-released formula for helping your body produce essentially what makes you happy.
00:04:29.000 But people have heard, because I haven't tried it, but I've heard other people talk about since they started, they sleep better.
00:04:35.000 They said, they told me.
00:04:36.000 Well, there's a lot of things that can make you sleep better.
00:04:39.000 Zinc, zinc's a good one.
00:04:40.000 Zinc, magnesium stuff.
00:04:42.000 Really?
00:04:42.000 Yeah, that stuff is good.
00:04:44.000 It really helps you really get a good deep sleep.
00:04:52.000 But a lot of people have a good success with melatonin.
00:04:55.000 Melatonin has...
00:04:56.000 Yeah, I've tried valerian root, but that gave me psychedelic dreams.
00:05:00.000 Crazy dreams.
00:05:01.000 Really?
00:05:01.000 Have you ever tried it?
00:05:02.000 I'm going to now.
00:05:03.000 You have to try it.
00:05:04.000 That seems amazing.
00:05:05.000 I've had bananas fucking dreams on that thing before.
00:05:08.000 You turn into a gnome.
00:05:10.000 Wow, that's awesome.
00:05:12.000 It's like nature sleeping.
00:05:13.000 The craziest shit I've ever done is the alpha brain dreams.
00:05:18.000 Really?
00:05:19.000 Yeah, alpha brain. 0.88
00:05:20.000 Especially, it seems like the old formula may be fucked with your head even more than the new formula.
00:05:25.000 Either that or I'm used to it.
00:05:26.000 I just got headaches.
00:05:27.000 I'm not sure.
00:05:29.000 But what it used to do to me was give me these crazy lucid dreams.
00:05:35.000 They were really strange because they were so much more potent than my normal dreams.
00:05:42.000 This is how I describe it.
00:05:44.000 My normal dreams are like A bubble that a kid would blow when they're blowing those soap bubbles.
00:05:50.000 It's so fragile.
00:05:52.000 These dreams were like basketballs.
00:05:55.000 They were hard.
00:05:56.000 They were real.
00:05:58.000 It was really strange because I was aware that I was dreaming, but I was still able to maintain the dream state.
00:06:06.000 I've never been able to do that before.
00:06:07.000 I've maybe been able to do that for brief seconds.
00:06:10.000 I've never tried.
00:06:12.000 Apparently there's this thing called Lucid dreaming, where you can actually practice certain techniques that can aid you into literally manipulating your dreams.
00:06:24.000 That's awesome.
00:06:25.000 Yeah, I don't know.
00:06:26.000 I've never tried it.
00:06:26.000 I'm too scared that I would like that too much and I would fucking forget real life.
00:06:30.000 I'm fucking badass in my dreams.
00:06:32.000 Love a good dream.
00:06:34.000 I would be worried.
00:06:35.000 I would be worried that I wouldn't dedicate enough time to real life.
00:06:39.000 That's like virtual living, right?
00:06:40.000 Yeah, I guess.
00:06:41.000 There are times when you wake up from a dream and you're like, the dream was so awesome.
00:06:44.000 You want to go back to sleep.
00:06:46.000 I don't know if anybody's that much of a master that they can really control it that much.
00:06:50.000 I think a little bit, if I focus on what I want to dream about next, I just did it yesterday.
00:06:55.000 I don't know why, but I wanted to dream about Phyllis Diller.
00:07:00.000 I was obsessed with her yesterday.
00:07:01.000 I'm like, I dreamed about Phyllis Diller, and I went to sleep and I did.
00:07:03.000 It's Phyllis Diller, wow.
00:07:05.000 Why were you obsessed with Phyllis Diller?
00:07:06.000 I think because Tommy's cousin came over and Phyllis Diller sent me a note that I had framed.
00:07:13.000 She encouraged me before she died in my career, so I just have this bond with her.
00:07:17.000 I love her.
00:07:18.000 I'm fascinated with her life and everything.
00:07:19.000 Wow.
00:07:20.000 And I just wanted to, I don't know, want to talk to her or something.
00:07:23.000 Phyllis.
00:07:24.000 So did you dream about her?
00:07:25.000 I dreamt about her house, yes.
00:07:27.000 I dreamt that I slept in her bed and that it split in two and I fell on the floor.
00:07:31.000 We've got to give you some alpha brain. 0.98
00:07:32.000 See if it fucks with your head.
00:07:34.000 I think it's too late.
00:07:36.000 Hit that joint.
00:07:38.000 You take the alpha brain, you'll come back with like, I just did a year tour with Phyllis Diller.
00:07:42.000 You'll have like stories about the road.
00:07:44.000 Anyway, we've got to get through these stupid commercials.
00:07:46.000 Don't hit that joint.
00:07:47.000 I'm afraid of that.
00:07:49.000 I'm having a heart attack right now.
00:07:52.000 Anyway, go to Onnit.com, use the code name Rogan, and you will save yourself 10% off any and all supplements.
00:07:58.000 All right, you freak, freak bitches. 1.00
00:08:00.000 That sound good?
00:08:02.000 I like that.
00:08:02.000 We are also brought to you by our newest sponsor, Kerosene Games.
00:08:06.000 Kerosene Games makes this badass game called Blade Slinger for the iPad and the iPhone.
00:08:12.000 And it's a really good game that was made from the ground up for a pad instead of like a computer game that they port over.
00:08:21.000 This is an actual high-end game.
00:08:23.000 A really beautiful, graphic, fun game that was created just for the iPad.
00:08:30.000 And the graphics are insane.
00:08:32.000 It's really cool.
00:08:34.000 Really cool looking.
00:08:35.000 I mean, what they can do now is so amazing.
00:08:38.000 Even just an iPad, the computer processing power and the visual processing power allows them to do some really cool shit.
00:08:46.000 The game's only $2.99, so if you have an iPad, it's called Blade Slinger.
00:08:50.000 Go and check it out, you dirty freaks. 0.90
00:08:53.000 We're also brought to you by Ting. 0.85
00:08:55.000 This is the last one, I swear.
00:08:59.000 Rogan.ting.com?
00:09:00.000 Isn't that what it is?
00:09:01.000 I think it's always ting.com backslash rogan-audibleflashlight.com Dude, don't confuse people you fuck!
00:09:07.000 You work here!
00:09:10.000 That's not it.
00:09:11.000 I'll find it.
00:09:11.000 I'll find the URL while I do this.
00:09:13.000 But what's important is what Ting is.
00:09:16.000 And Ting is a cell phone company that uses Sprint's backbone.
00:09:21.000 But what they do is they make it really fair.
00:09:24.000 And they don't have any contracts.
00:09:26.000 You can quit whenever you want.
00:09:28.000 It's the same service that you get with Sprint, but it's like they don't have you as locked into this sort of a shitty situation that you can get in with a regular cell phone company.
00:09:39.000 A regular cell phone company, when you buy a phone, like say if you buy a phone and it costs like $500, what it really costs is probably more than that.
00:09:46.000 It probably really costs like $700, but they take it and they apply it to your contract so that if you are going to stick with them for three years and give them X amount of dollars a month, then it's worth it for them To sort of take that money, take a little piece of that and pay off that phone.
00:10:03.000 Well, when you want to leave early, that's why you have to pay these cancellation fees.
00:10:07.000 Cancellation fees, yeah.
00:10:07.000 Like several hundred dollars, you know?
00:10:09.000 Yeah.
00:10:10.000 That doesn't happen with Ting.
00:10:11.000 You can get the exact same services you get with Sprint.
00:10:14.000 So it's like really good cell phone services, shit Joey Diaz swears by.
00:10:19.000 And it's, um, you also get...
00:10:22.000 Sprint Dog.
00:10:22.000 It's the best cocksucker.
00:10:25.000 What the fuck do I gotta tell you?
00:10:28.000 I'm telling you, Sprint is not to be fucked with.
00:10:32.000 Sprint is not to be fucked with Joe Rogan.Ting.com, that's what it is.
00:10:38.000 If you go there, you will save.
00:10:40.000 It's Rogan.Ting.com.
00:10:42.000 If you go there, you will save 50 bucks off of any of their Android devices.
00:10:49.000 I have the Samsung Galaxy S3, and it's the shit.
00:10:52.000 It's fucking awesome.
00:10:54.000 It's a beautiful phone.
00:10:55.000 It used to be that it was iPhones or crap, and that's just not the case anymore.
00:11:02.000 These really beautiful, big Android phones, they get my dick hard.
00:11:08.000 Oops, I said it.
00:11:09.000 I said it.
00:11:12.000 The client's not happy about this.
00:11:15.000 It's not a part of the written text.
00:11:16.000 We're listening to your live read.
00:11:18.000 Once you get online with one of those, man, it's so hard to go back to even an iPhone.
00:11:25.000 When you get online and you look at websites, it's almost like having a tablet.
00:11:28.000 They're fucking huge.
00:11:29.000 It's like 4.8 inches and they have a Galaxy.
00:11:33.000 I don't know if these guys carry it.
00:11:35.000 But there's a new one that Samsung has called the Galaxy Note that is just preposterous.
00:11:41.000 It is a fucking iPad Mini.
00:11:43.000 I've seen those.
00:11:44.000 I've seen those.
00:11:45.000 It's an iPad Mini, goddammit.
00:11:46.000 It's huge!
00:11:47.000 But I get such screen envy when I see it.
00:11:51.000 I got that from the Galaxy S3, having that thing.
00:11:55.000 It's changed the way I look at it.
00:11:56.000 I used to think they were too big.
00:11:58.000 I don't think so.
00:11:59.000 It was pretty cool.
00:12:00.000 All these phones have 7 o'clock on them, I just realized.
00:12:03.000 Dude, it's a lucky number, man.
00:12:04.000 A lot of people have superstitious.
00:12:06.000 A lot of people are scared.
00:12:07.000 You see somebody at a show take pictures, when they take pictures with that Samsung, you look at it and you're like, whoa.
00:12:15.000 It's like someone brought up the photo on a computer.
00:12:17.000 It's so much clearer and brighter.
00:12:19.000 It's huge!
00:12:19.000 It's a huge goddamn screen.
00:12:21.000 Anyway, go to rogan.ting.com.
00:12:24.000 And you will save 50 bucks off of any of those Android devices.
00:12:29.000 All right, you dirty fucks.
00:12:30.000 Thank you all for listening in.
00:12:32.000 Brian, play the music.
00:12:34.000 Let's get a rolling.
00:12:35.000 Joe Rogan Experience.
00:12:37.000 Train by day.
00:12:38.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.
00:12:40.000 All day.
00:12:44.000 That was one of our longest yet most enjoyable commercials.
00:12:48.000 Fantastic.
00:12:50.000 Because it wasn't...
00:12:51.000 I mean, it wasn't and wasn't.
00:12:52.000 You know what I'm saying, man?
00:12:53.000 I know what you're saying, darling.
00:12:54.000 You with me, brother?
00:12:55.000 I mean, it was a little bit of both going on there.
00:12:57.000 Tom Segura and Christina P. I gotta give you guys world champion funniest couple.
00:13:03.000 Yeah!
00:13:04.000 Thanks, man.
00:13:05.000 And the breaking of the mold of every entertainer with an entertainer is in a shit relationship.
00:13:12.000 Sure.
00:13:12.000 You guys have totally fixed that.
00:13:15.000 Yeah, thanks, man.
00:13:15.000 Because it's always like the dude's funny and the chick is good looking and he writes jokes for her.
00:13:23.000 It's like one of those.
00:13:24.000 Or it's that the guy's funny and he takes the girl with him on the road.
00:13:30.000 It's very rare that there's equals.
00:13:33.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:13:33.000 But you guys are both really funny, and you really love each other.
00:13:37.000 You get along, and it's like a weird situation.
00:13:40.000 And hot.
00:13:40.000 We're both hot.
00:13:41.000 We're both hot as fuck.
00:13:44.000 Hairy.
00:13:45.000 That's a weird situation.
00:13:46.000 It actually works.
00:13:47.000 So lucky.
00:13:48.000 Yeah, we get asked about it all the time.
00:13:50.000 Yeah, we do.
00:13:50.000 You think one of you guys would suck?
00:13:53.000 It's usually one of you sucks.
00:13:55.000 Right?
00:13:55.000 Am I right?
00:13:56.000 For sure.
00:13:57.000 Oh, definitely.
00:13:57.000 It's usually like you have to hang out with this guy's really annoying wife who's also a comedian or really annoying husband who's also a comedian.
00:14:05.000 Oh, yeah.
00:14:06.000 And she actually has less tolerance for it.
00:14:09.000 When we go out with other couples, she's always like, don't leave me at the table with some boring fucking cunt. 1.00
00:14:16.000 I hate it.
00:14:17.000 While you go have fun with the guys.
00:14:19.000 Because here's why.
00:14:20.000 When we hang out with other comics, it's usually dudes and then they have wives that maybe not are as inspiring.
00:14:27.000 And I always want to hang out with the dudes and talk shit about comedy.
00:14:29.000 And then I always get stuck swapping fucking recipes for Apple Brown Betty.
00:14:33.000 I'm like, I don't want to talk about clothes, man.
00:14:35.000 Let's talk about some shit.
00:14:37.000 They defined you by your vagina. 1.00
00:14:39.000 No!
00:14:40.000 You got lumped into the wrong group.
00:14:42.000 Oh shit, speaking of which, did you hear about this fucking 50-year-old guy who had a sex change and now he's playing college basketball?
00:14:54.000 What?
00:14:55.000 He's playing college woman's basketball.
00:15:00.000 He's enormous.
00:15:02.000 Wait, now did he...
00:15:03.000 I don't know about...
00:15:05.000 Hold on.
00:15:06.000 You just made me really think about this.
00:15:08.000 Did he have college eligibility?
00:15:11.000 Or did he already go to college as a man and then since he switched sexes he has new four years of eligibility to play?
00:15:18.000 Because that would be so awesome if he did that way.
00:15:21.000 Dude, this thing, this guy, okay, I'm probably a very sweet person, I shouldn't say thing, but this dude Slash woman. 0.94
00:15:31.000 Woman now? 0.96
00:15:32.000 Did I say woman?
00:15:33.000 I don't know.
00:15:34.000 The woman that used to be a man, let's call her a woman, she is six foot six. 1.00
00:15:38.000 Whoa.
00:15:39.000 Wow.
00:15:40.000 That's like a giant man.
00:15:43.000 That's huge.
00:15:44.000 And she's decided that she's a girl now.
00:15:46.000 So she has the sex change operation, but she's still a 6'6 man-bodied woman. 1.00
00:15:54.000 That's a big bitch, dude. 1.00
00:15:57.000 I'm looking at all these little girls that are playing with her. 0.96
00:16:00.000 Man, if your daughter was playing basketball with a dude that was pretending to be a woman or decided to become a woman, You can't... 0.78
00:16:09.000 That's all fine and good for the real world if you want to define yourself as a woman. 0.84
00:16:14.000 But when you enter into athletics, there's a reason why there is fucking different categories for men and women.
00:16:21.000 That shit's not fair.
00:16:22.000 So it's not fair?
00:16:22.000 You think it's an unfair advantage?
00:16:24.000 Oh my god!
00:16:24.000 It's an enormous man!
00:16:27.000 That's crazy!
00:16:28.000 The other thing is, too, is because the one thing that's hard, I think, when you're not involved in this, but you see somebody, let's say, who gets...
00:16:37.000 A sex change.
00:16:38.000 And I'm saying outside of sports, right?
00:16:39.000 Just in life.
00:16:40.000 Right.
00:16:41.000 You go, they're like, hey, you know, I've decided to do this.
00:16:43.000 I'm a woman now.
00:16:44.000 And you go, okay.
00:16:45.000 You want to be like, fine, you're a woman now. 0.99
00:16:47.000 But there's that part in my mind that always goes, yeah, but when I look at your hands, even if you've had surgery and everything, those are still men's hands. 0.65
00:16:57.000 Yeah.
00:16:57.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:16:57.000 Those are men's arms that you have and legs.
00:17:00.000 Even if you have, like...
00:17:01.000 Implants in and you change your whole face, that's still a guy's bicep in your arm. 0.70
00:17:07.000 Even though you had a sex change.
00:17:09.000 So if you take that to sports...
00:17:11.000 So he's playing as a man, yeah.
00:17:12.000 That's where it all counts.
00:17:13.000 That's where your original biology...
00:17:15.000 And it counts the other way as well because there was a guy who was a Muay Thai fighter and he was really like a high-level fighter and he decided to get a sex change.
00:17:25.000 And then once he got a sex change, he literally got his balls cut off, stopped producing testosterone, and started getting the fuck beat out of him.
00:17:30.000 No shit, really?
00:17:31.000 Yeah, because he was still fighting men.
00:17:32.000 He was still fighting men, but he didn't have balls anymore.
00:17:34.000 So it's not exactly that this six foot tall person that was a man is a woman, but it's not exactly that he's a man either.
00:17:45.000 He's sort of in this weird limbo state.
00:17:48.000 But he still has this unfair mechanical advantage.
00:17:51.000 That's a giant person.
00:17:52.000 He's got huge shoulders, huge hands.
00:17:55.000 If you're playing against a little girl, that's just stupid.
00:17:57.000 Well, and it is like those athletes, weren't they saying that the people that had prosthetic limbs, like the runners with those special, you know what I mean, those legs?
00:18:07.000 Prosthetics.
00:18:07.000 Yeah, that they were like, that's an unfair advantage.
00:18:09.000 You're so lucky to be crippled. 1.00
00:18:10.000 Well, the one guy made it in.
00:18:12.000 Well, I don't want to say that anybody would be lucky to be crippled.
00:18:17.000 No, but they were saying that.
00:18:19.000 But I don't think they were really saying that.
00:18:21.000 What they were really saying is, realistically, let's look at what's going on here.
00:18:25.000 There's a mechanical advantage to those things that surpasses the human body.
00:18:30.000 These are springs.
00:18:32.000 You're running on these crazy sprinting springs.
00:18:35.000 Those things work like a motherfucker. 0.80
00:18:37.000 It seems like they work better than legs.
00:18:41.000 So that is different.
00:18:43.000 Well, one thing that can't happen for sure with those on is you cannot tear your Achilles.
00:18:47.000 It's like, literally, you don't have one.
00:18:49.000 You can't tear your ACL if it's up to your quad.
00:18:53.000 Yeah.
00:18:54.000 Well, the whole thing is really, I mean, you would never want to say that there's anyone that has any sort of advantage to being handy.
00:19:00.000 No, no, that's not the point.
00:19:01.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:19:02.000 I mean, it's a sensitive issue.
00:19:04.000 I mean, we're all very lucky that we're not.
00:19:05.000 Thank God, of course.
00:19:07.000 Of course.
00:19:07.000 But when you do see that you can run faster with that, at what point in time do you let that go?
00:19:13.000 If the world record becomes a guy with robot legs, you know what I mean?
00:19:17.000 How do you define the athletics then?
00:19:19.000 That guy was in the Olympics this summer with prosthetics.
00:19:21.000 Remember that?
00:19:22.000 Yes.
00:19:22.000 The sprinter?
00:19:23.000 Was he South African?
00:19:24.000 I don't know.
00:19:24.000 I forget where he was from.
00:19:25.000 I think he was.
00:19:27.000 It was cool to see him in the event.
00:19:30.000 He didn't win or medal, which made it...
00:19:33.000 Less of an issue.
00:19:34.000 You know, people didn't press it, but they were pressing it before he got in.
00:19:37.000 Everybody was, people were saying...
00:19:38.000 Or that South African runner, remember, when we were in South Africa?
00:19:41.000 Was she, she was both genders or something, and everyone was upset about her?
00:19:44.000 No, well that was, people were accusing her of being a hermaphrodite, and they put her through this way.
00:19:51.000 Oh yeah, that's right.
00:19:52.000 Was she at the end of the day?
00:19:53.000 No, she's a woman, but she was put through really brutal, horrendous scrutiny.
00:20:00.000 And people were awful to her.
00:20:02.000 And she definitely is a woman, 100%? 1.00
00:20:04.000 I'm almost certain.
00:20:06.000 I just forgot her name.
00:20:07.000 I blanked on her name, too.
00:20:08.000 But she is South African.
00:20:11.000 And the country, they adore her.
00:20:14.000 Really?
00:20:14.000 Yeah, because people really were horrible to her during the scrutiny.
00:20:20.000 Right, right, right.
00:20:21.000 Yeah, but I'm fairly certain she's legitimately... 1.00
00:20:24.000 Gosh, you know, though, I mean, if you go through the trouble of cutting your peener off and doing all that, just let the girl play basketball. 1.00
00:20:31.000 But that's not her.
00:20:32.000 The problem is it's not let her play basketball.
00:20:34.000 It's let her play basketball with the little girl. 0.55
00:20:36.000 There's all these little girls that are playing.
00:20:39.000 They're like, they just went to college.
00:20:40.000 They're 18. This is a 50-year-old man.
00:20:43.000 This is fucking bananas.
00:20:45.000 That one is crazy.
00:20:45.000 Okay, that shit is bananas.
00:20:46.000 What school is this?
00:20:48.000 Let me see here.
00:20:51.000 Poor guy, poor girl.
00:20:52.000 Yes, you're right, you're right, absolutely.
00:20:55.000 For God's sake.
00:20:55.000 Yeah, you know, God bless him.
00:20:57.000 Yeah, his whole life, he just wanted to be on the ladies' team, and now it's happening.
00:21:01.000 Yes, sort of, but it's not fair.
00:21:04.000 I mean, it's just not.
00:21:06.000 Life's never fair.
00:21:07.000 The problem is, once you start having competitive athletics, it's like with any other thing in life, do whatever you want to do.
00:21:14.000 If you want to go to work with a dress, if you're nice, I'll talk to you.
00:21:18.000 I don't need you to dress like a man. 1.00
00:21:21.000 Whatever your fucking thing is, if you're nice, I don't care, I'll talk to you.
00:21:24.000 But you have to recognize the mechanical advantages to the male frame.
00:21:30.000 Of course.
00:21:30.000 I mean, the tendon strength, even when there's a depletion of testosterone and your body sort of shrivels up a little bit and you lose muscle mass, it's still a goddamn man!
00:21:39.000 And the overwhelming evidence is if you look at men's, if you line up men's and women's results for athletic competition, there's a reason why every single one, basically, the men are more advanced.
00:21:54.000 They run faster, they jump higher.
00:21:56.000 But then you guys are going to get the anomalies.
00:21:58.000 Every now and then there is a woman that can do as many push-ups as the male Marines or whatever that is. 1.00
00:22:03.000 No, it's not.
00:22:04.000 Don't they have the same athletic standards in the Marines?
00:22:07.000 But you might get a group of weak guys, one really strong girl, but if you have all the athletes, if you have just the strongest guys and the strongest girls, the strongest guys.
00:22:16.000 The strongest guys will always be physically stronger.
00:22:18.000 There are fucking freaks out there.
00:22:21.000 I've seen some of these guys in the UFC that fight three, four, five rounds and don't even get fucking tired.
00:22:27.000 You know what kind of incredible shape some of those fucking guys are in?
00:22:31.000 Amazing.
00:22:31.000 That's like some high-level shit.
00:22:34.000 And at that level, those men, the really high-level men, there's nothing like that.
00:22:41.000 Women can't really keep up with that. 1.00
00:22:43.000 And that's one of the big accusations against this one woman who is one of the top women in the world. 0.99
00:22:50.000 She was stripped of her tie.
00:22:52.000 Her name is Cyborg.
00:22:54.000 And she's built like a strong dude. 0.95
00:22:58.000 Like, Brian, can you pull up a picture?
00:23:01.000 Pull up a picture of Cyborg, muscular.
00:23:04.000 Dude, wait till you see how scary this chick is. 1.00
00:23:07.000 I love it.
00:23:08.000 And she fought this other chick, Gina Carano. 1.00
00:23:10.000 And Gina Carano was a beautiful son of a... 1.00
00:23:13.000 I guess her dad's like a famous football player.
00:23:14.000 Yeah.
00:23:15.000 You know, beautiful, smart, tough chick. 1.00
00:23:18.000 And this Brazilian bitch just ragdolled her. 1.00
00:23:22.000 Really?
00:23:22.000 It was horrific.
00:23:23.000 It was a vicious, vicious beating.
00:23:26.000 But everybody accuses her of doing steroids.
00:23:29.000 Doesn't everybody, though?
00:23:30.000 So then she got caught.
00:23:32.000 She did get caught.
00:23:32.000 And she got caught.
00:23:33.000 She tested hot.
00:23:34.000 And when she tested hot, everybody was like, duh.
00:23:39.000 Like, I don't know.
00:23:40.000 Right.
00:23:41.000 That's one picture of her.
00:23:42.000 There's some other pictures of her, Brian, like while she's celebrating in the cage.
00:23:47.000 Because that's her at a weigh-in. 1.00
00:23:49.000 And there's a difference between you at a weigh-in and you when you're actually fighting.
00:23:54.000 Because when you're actually fighting, that's when your muscles pump up with blood.
00:23:58.000 Like that one on the far right, you see her, Brian?
00:24:00.000 Right here?
00:24:01.000 Yeah, right there.
00:24:02.000 Oh my gosh.
00:24:03.000 Right there.
00:24:05.000 She looks like Kate from Lost mixed with the Swedish.
00:24:08.000 Are you kidding me?
00:24:09.000 Grandma.
00:24:11.000 Anyway.
00:24:13.000 Anyway.
00:24:13.000 She's felt like LaRon Landry.
00:24:15.000 She's a very, very muscular woman. 0.75
00:24:18.000 Jesus.
00:24:19.000 She's a tank. 1.00
00:24:20.000 And she's scary talented as a striker. 0.99
00:24:23.000 She's really...
00:24:24.000 For a woman, she is fucking vicious. 1.00
00:24:26.000 Yeah, I believe it.
00:24:28.000 It's so...
00:24:28.000 Okay, and as feminist as I totally am, there's some part of me that I look at her and you're like, why?
00:24:34.000 Why, sweetie? 0.95
00:24:35.000 Well, because she wants to go to war. 1.00
00:24:36.000 And I like that and I respect that because I, too, am an angry fucking...
00:24:40.000 But at the same time, you're like, oh, I just want to protect her.
00:24:42.000 I don't want her to get her face hit.
00:24:44.000 She came up with the craziest camp in Brazil.
00:24:48.000 There she is.
00:24:49.000 She came up with the Shoot the Bucks. 1.00
00:24:51.000 Shoot the Bucks.
00:24:52.000 And Shoot the Bucks camp is all these badass Brazilian Muay Thai guys.
00:24:58.000 They're fucking animals.
00:24:59.000 And she was married to the other dude, Cyborg... 0.92
00:25:03.000 Evangelista.
00:25:04.000 And he's a fucking beast, too.
00:25:06.000 He's an old-school MMA legend.
00:25:08.000 So the two of them were just like the scariest couple ever.
00:25:11.000 Are they breeding super babies?
00:25:12.000 Oh, wow.
00:25:13.000 I don't think they're together anymore, unfortunately.
00:25:16.000 But yeah, she is a terrifying woman. 1.00
00:25:19.000 Did you, by the way, did you get...
00:25:21.000 I told you I got to see a little bit of the fights this weekend when I was in the hotel.
00:25:26.000 I was in Calgary.
00:25:27.000 And I saw you on, and then when Brown beat Swick, it was, right?
00:25:35.000 Yeah.
00:25:35.000 Which was...
00:25:37.000 Yeah, he was...
00:25:38.000 There was some great...
00:25:39.000 That was mostly a ground game fight, if I remember, right?
00:25:41.000 No, it was...
00:25:42.000 I don't think they went to the...
00:25:44.000 Well, they went to the ground.
00:25:45.000 He got him in a darse, and then he almost got him... 0.93
00:25:47.000 I think he almost got him in a triangle and a darse. 1.00
00:25:49.000 Yeah, I thought Brown almost had him.
00:25:52.000 Yeah, in the first round, right?
00:25:54.000 The first round, and then the second round he stopped him.
00:25:56.000 Is that what happened, or did they stop him at the end of the first round?
00:25:58.000 Was that the first round?
00:26:00.000 I think it was.
00:26:01.000 No, I don't remember.
00:26:01.000 Whatever.
00:26:02.000 I don't remember when exactly it happened, but my God.
00:26:05.000 And then he knocked him.
00:26:05.000 What a sensational knockout.
00:26:07.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:26:07.000 Great knockout.
00:26:09.000 But afterwards, did you know or did you see or did he tell you when Brown was waiting for you?
00:26:15.000 Like what aired on Fox was that he was standing there and he was looking around.
00:26:18.000 He was like, hey, Joe.
00:26:19.000 Joe.
00:26:20.000 He's like, what's up man?
00:26:21.000 And then I cut to commercial.
00:26:22.000 Well, he even said that to me.
00:26:24.000 He looked over at me.
00:26:25.000 It was totally not my call.
00:26:28.000 I didn't assume.
00:26:29.000 If you see me in the cage or not, it's like it's not my call.
00:26:35.000 They tell me we want an interview.
00:26:37.000 Or they tell me there's no time for an interview.
00:26:39.000 And a lot of times they say there's no time.
00:26:41.000 And when you do a card like the Fox card, I think they were already worried about time.
00:26:47.000 And it turned out to be a good worry because the fight, I believe, started after it was supposed to end.
00:26:54.000 So for people that set their DVRs, they didn't even get the fight.
00:26:58.000 A lot of people didn't get the fight, apparently.
00:27:00.000 Oh no.
00:27:01.000 Yeah, oh no.
00:27:02.000 So that's why.
00:27:03.000 They were behind the time.
00:27:05.000 I don't understand how they produce a show like that.
00:27:08.000 I don't really even go in the truck and peek.
00:27:11.000 I don't know what the fuck they're doing.
00:27:12.000 But I know that when you have live fights, it's really difficult to judge how much actual time you have.
00:27:20.000 It could be like three first round knockouts, or it could be three really long decisions where Or it could be three decisions where a guy gets kicked in the balls and you have to stop the time for five minutes.
00:27:30.000 Sometimes shit can drag on past where you think it's going to be.
00:27:34.000 So they err on the side of caution and they cut out interviews when they can.
00:27:38.000 You've got to have much tighter time restrictions on a network like Fox than a normal, obviously a pay-per-view or even a cable thing.
00:27:47.000 That's like hard out and ends for other shows that you can't go late into, right?
00:27:51.000 Yeah, I guess it is.
00:27:52.000 You should just get walkie-talkies.
00:27:54.000 Between?
00:27:55.000 Yeah, that would probably solve everything.
00:27:57.000 Walkie-talkies?
00:27:58.000 Who would have a walkie-talkie?
00:27:59.000 Hey, the next fight's on.
00:28:00.000 Come on out, you know?
00:28:02.000 Who's talking about you?
00:28:03.000 No, no, you don't.
00:28:03.000 I don't think you know what you're talking about, silly bitch.
00:28:06.000 They should hire you as a consultant.
00:28:07.000 You talk about, like, misunderstanding.
00:28:09.000 You should produce these shows.
00:28:09.000 That's a good idea.
00:28:11.000 What we're saying is if communication's a problem.
00:28:15.000 Yeah.
00:28:17.000 Why don't you go into your next production meeting and be like...
00:28:20.000 I'm just going to bring him and he's going to talk for me from now on.
00:28:23.000 Can we talk about the guys getting kicked in the balls?
00:28:25.000 Don't they have something to protect their...
00:28:27.000 Yeah, they do.
00:28:29.000 They do, but a lot of guys, they wear the wrong cups.
00:28:33.000 If you just wear a regular jockstrap, those things move around.
00:28:40.000 They're designed for sports.
00:28:42.000 They're really not designed for dudes kicking you in the dick.
00:28:45.000 The things that you need when someone's kicking you in the dick, you need a more comprehensive approach.
00:28:51.000 A swift dick kick.
00:28:54.000 Yeah, you can't be settling for that softball bullshit cup. 0.99
00:28:58.000 Because those kicks are hard as fuck.
00:29:01.000 Inside leg kicks to the dick are one of the most painful things ever.
00:29:05.000 They're so horrible.
00:29:07.000 Oh, the Muay Thai kick?
00:29:08.000 Is that what you're talking about?
00:29:09.000 I've been kicked in the balls so much.
00:29:13.000 For real.
00:29:14.000 I've probably been kicked in the balls at least a hundred times in my life.
00:29:18.000 Really?
00:29:18.000 Really hard.
00:29:19.000 It's amazing that you can get through those.
00:29:22.000 Wear a cup, yeah.
00:29:23.000 Oh, but always with a cup on.
00:29:25.000 Yeah.
00:29:25.000 Well, I don't think I've ever been kicked without a cup.
00:29:27.000 Thank God.
00:29:28.000 Oh my gosh.
00:29:28.000 Well, there's videos about that.
00:29:30.000 Yeah, the cup protects you a little bit.
00:29:33.000 The cup protects you a little bit.
00:29:35.000 It keeps them from rupturing, I think is what it does.
00:29:37.000 Oh, rupture!
00:29:38.000 They can rupture!
00:29:39.000 Oh yeah, guys have lost testicles because they were sparring and they got kicked and they didn't have a cup on.
00:29:45.000 What about one of those people who get the high heels and the ball fetish videos? 1.00
00:29:49.000 How does that shit just not burst open?
00:29:51.000 I've got to send you.
00:29:52.000 You've played the one before.
00:29:54.000 I got that.
00:29:55.000 There's a video.
00:29:55.000 I don't get that.
00:29:55.000 That shit's frightening.
00:29:56.000 There's some that are clearly faked.
00:29:59.000 You can be like, oh, they've got a cup on or whatever.
00:30:02.000 But then I have one, I'll send it to you, where she's kicking him really hard. 1.00
00:30:09.000 And he's got underwear on.
00:30:11.000 Yeah, it's in Spanish.
00:30:12.000 And then she's just like, suffer, suffer, I want you to suffer.
00:30:14.000 And you're like, alright, but maybe he has a cup on.
00:30:16.000 Then she takes the underwear off, and she fucking, she's like punting a football, kicking him. 1.00
00:30:22.000 Like, BAM! With heels on.
00:30:25.000 With heels on.
00:30:26.000 With heels, yeah. 0.99
00:30:27.000 His knees are shaking, and he starts to bleed.
00:30:29.000 He starts bleeding.
00:30:30.000 Oh my god.
00:30:31.000 And he's just taking it like...
00:30:33.000 He likes it, right?
00:30:34.000 He loves it.
00:30:34.000 And then she squeezes them when they're bleeding.
00:30:36.000 So hard.
00:30:36.000 And goes, sangria!
00:30:37.000 What does she say in Spanish?
00:30:39.000 Bleed, you bleed!
00:30:40.000 Yes.
00:30:40.000 Oh my god.
00:30:42.000 She just smacking them. 1.00
00:30:42.000 So unnecessary. 1.00
00:30:43.000 Oh, I know.
00:30:44.000 Tell her to stop. 1.00
00:30:45.000 The one I saw is she was taking the heel and she was grinding it like a cigarette butt after a rainy day. 1.00
00:30:51.000 You know, like you're just grinding it into this concrete.
00:30:53.000 That's what she was doing, these balls with high heels on. 1.00
00:30:56.000 What is it?
00:30:56.000 How could someone want that?
00:30:57.000 I don't know.
00:30:59.000 What is the switch that goes wrong in your brain where you want someone to hurt you?
00:31:03.000 I hate these dirty balls. 0.99
00:31:05.000 I hate them.
00:31:06.000 That's why it's Friday.
00:31:07.000 You make me do bad things!
00:31:10.000 I don't think they can even want it.
00:31:12.000 I don't think they even want it.
00:31:12.000 You don't think they want it, but they do it.
00:31:14.000 I think something that leads them to discover, not that they want it, but they're like, oh, my reaction to that is not what most people go through, which is like, God, that's the worst thing ever.
00:31:24.000 All of a sudden they get that and something happens inside where it's like they get a rush, some type of adrenaline, and then they're like, oh wow, there's a pleasure to that too.
00:31:35.000 It's a power thing.
00:31:36.000 Isn't it an S&M thing?
00:31:37.000 It's being submissive.
00:31:38.000 Are you watching one right now?
00:31:39.000 I'm scared.
00:31:40.000 You guys got me scared.
00:31:42.000 It's relinquishing your power.
00:31:44.000 I don't think you're allowed to show this.
00:31:47.000 You can't show balls, dude.
00:31:49.000 No, it's blurred out.
00:31:51.000 Oh, okay.
00:31:51.000 Is it really?
00:31:52.000 For real.
00:31:52.000 Like, he has it spread out like it looks like a frog on a table.
00:31:55.000 Brad over at Ustream is our friend.
00:31:57.000 I'm just kidding.
00:31:58.000 We can't get him in trouble.
00:31:58.000 This is a High Heel commercial.
00:32:00.000 Oh.
00:32:01.000 You ever listen to Dan Savage?
00:32:02.000 He has the Savage Love podcast.
00:32:04.000 He's a sex columnist.
00:32:14.000 Yeah.
00:32:29.000 And we got a boner.
00:32:30.000 How many dudes have gotten kicked in the balls by girls they liked to the point where it became a thing?
00:32:35.000 There you go.
00:32:37.000 How is it possible?
00:32:38.000 How is it possible that so many dudes became turned on by that idea?
00:32:42.000 That's every fetish guy, model guy's story.
00:32:45.000 When I was four, I got kicked in the balls by Molly.
00:32:49.000 That bitch turned me. 1.00
00:32:52.000 Turned me like a werewolf.
00:32:53.000 And I became a ball kick fetishist.
00:32:56.000 Holy shit, that's gotta hurt.
00:32:58.000 I don't understand it.
00:32:59.000 It's so painful.
00:33:01.000 I can't imagine that anybody would want it.
00:33:03.000 Well, I always feel so tentative handling Tommy's nuts.
00:33:07.000 That's so nice.
00:33:08.000 Because they're so gentle and sweet, and the thought of hurting them.
00:33:11.000 And I asked for a little more.
00:33:12.000 I could give him a little tug, give him a little something.
00:33:14.000 Did you know that the size of a man's testicles, the size of a human's testicles, is proportionate to the promiscuity of the women in his surrounding area? 1.00
00:33:25.000 Wow.
00:33:26.000 What?
00:33:27.000 With all primates.
00:33:28.000 I like that.
00:33:29.000 The size of the testicles rises and falls depending on how big a hooker the girls in your neighborhood are. 1.00
00:33:36.000 My dad must have grew up around some real sluts then, dude. 1.00
00:33:38.000 Isn't that great?
00:33:39.000 Giant balls.
00:33:40.000 My dad's balls are huge.
00:33:42.000 You were just talking about this.
00:33:44.000 I was talking about last night.
00:33:44.000 I was like, I saw him.
00:33:46.000 I went into his room and he was like, I think he was putting on underwear.
00:33:50.000 So from behind, I go, Jesus Christ, man.
00:33:53.000 And he was like, what?
00:33:54.000 I go, you got like donkey nuts.
00:33:55.000 He's like, all right, Tommy.
00:33:56.000 Like, knock it off.
00:33:58.000 It was the biggest balls I've ever seen.
00:34:01.000 So he must have been around some real whores. 1.00
00:34:03.000 That's interesting.
00:34:04.000 It's probably his, not necessarily him, but you know, the generations before him that made him, you know, it's like it becomes a genetic thing and it all comes from being around more promiscuous women. 0.84
00:34:15.000 Yeah, that's why chimps have the biggest balls. 1.00
00:34:19.000 Chimps have enormous balls.
00:34:20.000 Their dicks aren't even as big as ours.
00:34:22.000 But their balls are way bigger.
00:34:24.000 Their balls are so big. 0.97
00:34:26.000 Chimps are down to fuck all day. 0.98
00:34:30.000 What's the other monkey?
00:34:32.000 Bonobos.
00:34:33.000 They're an actual cousin to the chimp. 0.89
00:34:36.000 It's a separate type of chimp. 0.57
00:34:38.000 They don't just masturbate. 0.54
00:34:40.000 They do everything except mother and son.
00:34:44.000 Mother and son is the only thing they don't do. 0.94
00:34:46.000 Wow.
00:34:47.000 Yeah, and we were talking about that on the podcast.
00:34:49.000 Someone had speculated that that might be because they had figured out that there was, like, bad things happen to the baby when the mother has sex with the son.
00:34:58.000 Oh, they, like, figured it out, basically.
00:34:59.000 Maybe, but the problem with that is they're fucking all day.
00:35:03.000 They're fucking everybody.
00:35:04.000 Right, and isn't it to...
00:35:05.000 They would have to, like, really be sure.
00:35:07.000 Isn't it to kind of, they use sex as a social tool to smooth over differences?
00:35:11.000 Yeah.
00:35:12.000 Homosexual sex. 0.99
00:35:13.000 That's amazing.
00:35:14.000 So great.
00:35:15.000 They just fuck each other. 0.53
00:35:17.000 They go crazy.
00:35:19.000 And they're very rarely violent with each other.
00:35:22.000 It's really fascinating.
00:35:23.000 Because of that, you think?
00:35:24.000 Yeah, for sure, definitely.
00:35:25.000 But it's amazing how that evolved.
00:35:27.000 How does that evolve?
00:35:28.000 It's incredible.
00:35:29.000 It's weird.
00:35:30.000 How do you get to a point where you've got this weird society of loving chimps that just fuck all the time? 1.00
00:35:35.000 And then we look at them like they're sick.
00:35:37.000 Right.
00:35:37.000 They're the only primates that we know of that don't kill each other or don't kill each other a lot.
00:35:43.000 I mean, maybe, you know, there's probably some aberrations even in the bonobo world where some shit goes down.
00:35:48.000 Right.
00:35:48.000 Someone's got to regulate.
00:35:49.000 Yeah.
00:35:50.000 Some bonobos' dicks don't work. 0.99
00:35:55.000 Now, I heard somewhere that before we had traditional marriage, that it actually made sense for the woman to bang as many dudes in the village so that the paternity of her children was unknown, and she would actually have more men to protect the offspring. 1.00
00:36:11.000 Like, that to me would make sense if I had all of you guys, right?
00:36:14.000 Tommy, Red Band, Joe, and that guy all doing me, and then...
00:36:19.000 I make a baby.
00:36:20.000 Whose baby is it?
00:36:21.000 We all have to take care of it.
00:36:25.000 They become community babies.
00:36:26.000 If you guys want to set that up.
00:36:29.000 Terrence McKenna.
00:36:30.000 I said sinks to the bottom.
00:36:32.000 Terence McKenna always thought that in our distant history that it's likely that we had these polygamous groups of people that did psychedelic drugs together.
00:36:43.000 His idea of the long-forgotten paradise was back when he believed civilization was first being created.
00:36:54.000 He believed that those civilizations that came up, they were all just eating mushrooms, tripping their balls off, and fucking each other.
00:37:00.000 Yeah.
00:37:00.000 And then Club Med came.
00:37:02.000 That took a long time.
00:37:04.000 I think your timeline might be a little bit off.
00:37:07.000 Sounds like a fun time.
00:37:09.000 McKenna's world.
00:37:11.000 But this idea was that at one time there was enough people doing ego suppressing things like eating mushrooms.
00:37:19.000 It's all like really speculative.
00:37:22.000 The idea of trying to figure out how many different cultures were doing psychedelic drugs when they came up with their religion, when they came up with a lot of their ideas about life and studying the cosmos.
00:37:37.000 A lot of those cultures that really got heavily into that stuff were also really heavily into psychedelic drugs.
00:37:42.000 Like the Mayans, making their crazy fucking calendars. 0.94
00:37:45.000 The Mayans did a lot of mushrooms, man.
00:37:48.000 I didn't know that.
00:37:49.000 They ate mushrooms and raw chocolate together.
00:37:52.000 There's some plant that had an LSD-like effect.
00:37:58.000 I don't remember what it was, but I went on a tour of Chichen Itza with this guy who was a professor.
00:38:05.000 And it was really cool.
00:38:06.000 You could hire him as a guide.
00:38:08.000 And he was so knowledgeable, man.
00:38:10.000 It was just really interesting.
00:38:11.000 Him talking about all the different traditions and why this was created and that was created.
00:38:17.000 But he took me to this room.
00:38:19.000 He's like, this is where they did their rituals, taking some sort of a psychedelic plant.
00:38:25.000 That had an LSD-like effect.
00:38:26.000 This was just like a culture of super-duper trippers.
00:38:30.000 Yeah.
00:38:30.000 Well, when you see what they built, you're like, you could not have been of sound mind when you came up with this shit.
00:38:37.000 It's not logical.
00:38:38.000 Not at all.
00:38:39.000 Well, they got to some weird places, weirder than anybody, where they fucking killed people so often that they had spots.
00:38:46.000 Like, we're going to kill them right here.
00:38:48.000 This is the altar.
00:38:48.000 They had altars where they would sacrifice people.
00:38:50.000 Sure.
00:38:51.000 I saw one, I didn't, not in Mexico, I went to, in Peru, I went to Machu Picchu a couple times, and they had the, like, sacrificial room.
00:38:59.000 They showed you they were, like, on this table, just, people would voluntarily be sacrificed.
00:39:04.000 But what's the utility socially?
00:39:05.000 That you have to be high as fuck for, I think.
00:39:07.000 Is that the point to satisfy the gods?
00:39:10.000 You take a virgin or you take the strongest guy or whatever?
00:39:13.000 There was a period when the Aztecs, when they killed 80,000 people.
00:39:23.000 Some insane number of people over, like, just a period of four days.
00:39:31.000 When there was one of the temples that was being built there, they, apparently, this is like, it's been, it's disputed whether or not they killed 80,000 or whether they killed, you know, whether it was only really 10,000 people exaggerated.
00:39:47.000 Like, there's some dispute as to how many people were actually killed.
00:39:50.000 But if the number there, they believe...
00:39:54.000 Is 80,000.
00:39:55.000 In 1487, the Aztec king, when they completed one of their pyramids, he killed every prisoner that was part of the construction.
00:40:14.000 That sucks.
00:40:15.000 They built this shit for him and then he kills some insane amount of people over the course of four days.
00:40:24.000 I bet that's a lot of voluntarily dying too.
00:40:27.000 I don't know.
00:40:28.000 I think so.
00:40:29.000 This is so crazy that Duncan told me about this first.
00:40:33.000 And then I read it and I couldn't believe it.
00:40:37.000 And then I told a bunch of different people.
00:40:39.000 I go, did you know that this happened?
00:40:40.000 And I've had people go, fuck it did.
00:40:42.000 No, it didn't.
00:40:43.000 Like totally incredulous, walk away from me.
00:40:46.000 I've had to send them emails.
00:40:49.000 Like when I'm on that hunting show.
00:40:52.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:40:52.000 Steve Rinella?
00:40:54.000 Great guy, man.
00:40:55.000 Really intelligent guy.
00:40:57.000 Very well-read guy.
00:40:58.000 And I told him about it.
00:41:00.000 He didn't believe it either.
00:41:01.000 He's like, there's no way.
00:41:02.000 I'm like, I'm telling you.
00:41:03.000 I'll send you the thing.
00:41:04.000 When you send someone the actual different stories and depictions of this This time in the 1400s, and you see that number, 80,000.
00:41:13.000 Can you even wrap your head around that?
00:41:14.000 No.
00:41:15.000 That's huge.
00:41:15.000 They're not doing this with guns, folks, okay?
00:41:18.000 Wrap your head around 80,000 people getting cut to death.
00:41:23.000 Fucking the Rose Bowl.
00:41:24.000 In four days.
00:41:26.000 That's what it is.
00:41:27.000 Rose Bowl, you're right.
00:41:29.000 Oh my god.
00:41:30.000 Oh my crazy.
00:41:31.000 God, it is.
00:41:32.000 Everybody there has their throat slit and their heart pulled out of their chest.
00:41:37.000 Dude.
00:41:37.000 It's nuts.
00:41:38.000 What a crazy motherfucker.
00:41:41.000 Yeah, that's insane.
00:41:43.000 Yeah, they took shit to the next level.
00:41:46.000 Again, massive mushroom eaters.
00:41:48.000 Yeah.
00:41:49.000 Trippers.
00:41:50.000 Big time trippers.
00:41:51.000 It's weird when you combine a lot of the interesting things about those cultures, a lot of the interesting discoveries.
00:42:01.000 There's very strange use of an hieroglyphic-like language that took us a long time to figure out.
00:42:08.000 They still work on some of the different, more complex things.
00:42:13.000 Character things in order and debate what exactly it means.
00:42:17.000 There's a great documentary, I think it's from Nat Geo, called Decoding the Maya.
00:42:22.000 I believe that's what it's called.
00:42:23.000 And it's really interesting to see these guys, these scholars, trying to figure out what the fuck this was.
00:42:29.000 This crazy language.
00:42:31.000 Well, the other thing that blows your mind every time, if you see something Mayan, Aztec, or the Incans, is when you see what they built, you can take today's greatest architect and be like, how would you do this here?
00:42:46.000 And they don't even know where to start.
00:42:49.000 These things were built, perfectly constructed, and stones that weigh 20 tons are laid on top of another stone and fits into it.
00:42:59.000 They have theories.
00:43:00.000 They're like, well, we think...
00:43:01.000 That they would pour water down here, and then you're like, how many people would it take to move this?
00:43:04.000 And they're like, oh, like 8,000.
00:43:06.000 And then we'd probably put it over here.
00:43:07.000 You're like, none of it makes sense.
00:43:09.000 Anybody that, like, there's people that will try to debunk anything.
00:43:14.000 And any time you bring up anything that seems even remotely paranormal, You know, like ghosts or fucking aliens.
00:43:23.000 Anything remotely paranormal.
00:43:25.000 They automatically try to go, fuck, there's no evidence for that.
00:43:31.000 That's all well and good until you get to giant stones.
00:43:34.000 And there's something about moving giant stones.
00:43:37.000 I'm like, listen, man, you've got to explain that.
00:43:40.000 You've got to explain that.
00:43:41.000 You can't just say...
00:43:43.000 Oh, well, they did that.
00:43:44.000 And, you know, they figured it out and they cut it out of this quarry right here.
00:43:48.000 Look, we have one.
00:43:49.000 One of my favorite pieces of evidence is where they show this one, one of these giant fucking big stone pillars they were carving out of this...
00:43:59.000 This one giant piece of granite.
00:44:01.000 And they stopped in the middle of the carving.
00:44:04.000 But because of the fact that it was partially completed, you could see the method of shaping it.
00:44:10.000 It was really kind of interesting.
00:44:12.000 They learned a lot from that.
00:44:14.000 So they believed that they did it with stones.
00:44:16.000 And they believed that they did it slowly.
00:44:19.000 It was a real painstaking process of slowly chipping away to get these...
00:44:24.000 How the fuck did they move it?
00:44:26.000 You gotta tell me how they moved it.
00:44:28.000 There's no cranes, there's no bulldozers.
00:44:30.000 We have to assume that they had some incredible knowledge of leverage and moving things and they figured out how to get things under it and leverage it and move it somehow.
00:44:43.000 But to pretend that that's not a mystery is really kind of disingenuous.
00:44:47.000 Yeah, it is.
00:44:48.000 But don't you, I find that, I mean, also too, human thinking changes over time.
00:44:52.000 And since the Enlightenment period and like the scientific revolution, we've discredited anything that's remotely ooky and mysterious.
00:44:59.000 Well, that's because there's so much ooky, mysterious stuff that's Bullshit!
00:45:03.000 It's such a problem.
00:45:05.000 There's so much bullshit out there.
00:45:08.000 Whether it's ghost bullshit or UFO bullshit, there's so many nutty motherfuckers with fake Bigfoot stories that are just muddying up the waters.
00:45:16.000 There's so much bullshit.
00:45:18.000 So of course a smart person is going to gravitate towards the scientific and more likely explanation for almost everything.
00:45:28.000 That's very true.
00:45:29.000 But it's not explaining everything.
00:45:31.000 But it's not.
00:45:31.000 That's the thing.
00:45:32.000 It's leaving things that are valid.
00:45:36.000 Not the bullshit story.
00:45:37.000 It's leaving the real thing also unexplored or unexplained.
00:45:41.000 And people just go like, whatever.
00:45:43.000 Well, what science can't figure out...
00:45:45.000 Is emotions and artwork.
00:45:48.000 And why do we like beautiful things?
00:45:50.000 And why do I love hearing certain songs?
00:45:53.000 Why has it changed the way my body feels?
00:45:56.000 What does it feel like to kiss somebody that you love?
00:45:59.000 Is that really just a bunch of chemicals that's floating around in your brain?
00:46:02.000 What is going on there?
00:46:03.000 Can science measure that?
00:46:05.000 The emotional human aspect of life is the one thing that science...
00:46:10.000 Can't really truly define yet, but who knows, man?
00:46:15.000 We might be able to break it down one day to ones and zeros, and you just program the right ones and zeros in your head, and you're happy all the time.
00:46:22.000 Let's do it.
00:46:22.000 Let's keep dreaming, man.
00:46:23.000 Let's dream all day.
00:46:24.000 You ever talk to someone who has a problem with normal consciousness, and they need something like an SSRI or something like that, and then when they take it, they talk about how they finally can see life?
00:46:36.000 Mm-hmm.
00:46:37.000 We're going to be able to engineer that in people.
00:46:40.000 I guess we're doing it right now by people taking pills.
00:46:44.000 The chemicals you're saying?
00:46:44.000 Just the meat and the cheese of it?
00:46:46.000 Well, the levels of certain things that make your consciousness operate.
00:46:53.000 Certain things like serotonin and dopamine.
00:46:55.000 The levels of these things.
00:46:56.000 How these things are produced.
00:46:57.000 They're going to be able to manipulate that shit. 0.91
00:47:00.000 And they're going to be able to manipulate your mood.
00:47:02.000 You're going to be way happier.
00:47:04.000 You're also going to be able to program or they'll be able to program the genes that are more desirable and leave out things that are not.
00:47:14.000 Well, that's one of the things I always felt.
00:47:15.000 If you look at the standard image of the alien, you know, the gray-eyed, the big gray-skinned, big-eyed alien, they're like real flimsy bodies, big giant heads.
00:47:28.000 If you look at them and you look at us and you look at a gorilla, they look more like us than a gorilla.
00:47:34.000 They do.
00:47:36.000 That might be what we're gonna do.
00:47:39.000 We're gonna get rid of all the whole sex organ thing. 1.00
00:47:43.000 We're gonna design these bulletproof bodies that can see through walls and we're just gonna take that on.
00:47:51.000 They're gonna be able to figure out a way to manipulate your genetics.
00:47:57.000 And there's never gonna be a dumb kid born again.
00:48:00.000 Sure.
00:48:01.000 We'll develop a new language, too.
00:48:02.000 Dumb people and your fucking kid's gonna be five going, hey, stupid, why are you doing like this?
00:48:07.000 Right, right.
00:48:08.000 Fucking super genetic freak kid at five who already learns three languages.
00:48:12.000 We'll stop speaking English at that point.
00:48:14.000 Just thoughts?
00:48:14.000 We'll have a new language, and that'll mean everything.
00:48:17.000 Well, no, we'll just communicate with our consciousness.
00:48:20.000 Oh, right.
00:48:21.000 We don't even have to speak anymore.
00:48:22.000 I wonder how much different the world would be if we all had the same language.
00:48:26.000 Makes a huge difference.
00:48:27.000 I wonder how much confusion when it comes to things that are going on in the Middle East.
00:48:38.000 I don't speak Israeli.
00:48:41.000 I don't speak Hebrew.
00:48:42.000 I don't know what the Palestinians are saying.
00:48:45.000 I don't know what the Saudis are saying.
00:48:47.000 I don't know what the Iranians are saying.
00:48:48.000 I can't hear that.
00:48:49.000 I don't understand it.
00:48:50.000 So we're reliant.
00:48:52.000 Have you ever seen some of the translations that were attributed to Ahmadinejad?
00:48:58.000 Is that his name?
00:48:59.000 The Iranian... 0.99
00:49:01.000 Ahmadinejad.
00:49:02.000 Ahmadinejad.
00:49:03.000 Yes.
00:49:03.000 Ahmadinejad.
00:49:04.000 There's like, people take things out of context that he said and make it much more inflammatory.
00:49:09.000 I mean, he says plenty of inflammatory shit, but they manipulate things.
00:49:12.000 And we don't know about that.
00:49:14.000 We don't know about that unless you really go and look.
00:49:16.000 And if he talked English, we would know.
00:49:19.000 Oh, yeah.
00:49:20.000 Motherfucker, learn some English. 0.87
00:49:21.000 It's very true.
00:49:23.000 Right now, Iranians fucking listen to this podcast and I'm like, bitch! 1.00
00:49:27.000 I thought you were cool!
00:49:29.000 Here's the thing, too.
00:49:30.000 Just kidding, folks.
00:49:31.000 Universal language.
00:49:32.000 We should learn Farsi.
00:49:33.000 There you go.
00:49:34.000 Universal language.
00:49:35.000 It always blows my mind, too, because it brings to the point when people say the word fluent, when they say they're fluent in another language, and you realize what it really means to be fluent.
00:49:45.000 Because people can speak A lot of a language and still miss tons of things, misunderstand things, and definitely not...
00:49:55.000 I speak pretty damn good Spanish from growing up in a Spanish-speaking household.
00:50:00.000 And I've seen...
00:50:02.000 I've watched court shows where they have an interpreter for somebody And I've been like, that's not what he said, and the person said it, you know, like that.
00:50:10.000 I've watched translations, like UN things, where you'll be like, oh, that person speaks, let's say, fluent Spanish, and you think, you're like, no, they speak great English, too, but it's actually like they speak 90% good English and can miss a word, an intention.
00:50:25.000 It can be shuffled around, and when you misunderstand something by a word, or I'll have it, you know, in Spanish, we're all You think I'm pretty much on point, but you miss just a little thing, a little detail that you don't miss when it's either your native language or you're so immersed in a language that you truly are fluent in it.
00:50:45.000 Right.
00:50:45.000 You're thinking while you're talking.
00:50:47.000 Oh, yeah.
00:50:48.000 If you live in a country where...
00:50:52.000 If you live in your second language country, you can, over time, I think, really speak Tremendous, whatever that language might be. 1.00
00:50:59.000 You know what I mean?
00:51:00.000 When you're surrounded by that language 24-7.
00:51:04.000 But short of that, you really do miss things.
00:51:06.000 You do.
00:51:07.000 That's also what leads to...
00:51:09.000 Misunderstandings lead to argument.
00:51:11.000 It leads to confrontation and violence sometimes because you misunderstood something.
00:51:17.000 It wasn't even a disagreement.
00:51:18.000 You just didn't say it right or understand it right.
00:51:21.000 Yeah, apparently there's a new app and you can talk to it and if you're talking in whatever language It translates it back to you in real time in English.
00:51:38.000 Wow.
00:51:39.000 Yeah.
00:51:40.000 I haven't...
00:51:41.000 Do you know what I'm talking about, Brian?
00:51:42.000 No, I have no idea.
00:51:44.000 Yeah, have you heard of this?
00:51:44.000 No.
00:51:45.000 Goddammit, I have to find about this.
00:51:47.000 I have to Google search it now.
00:51:49.000 Because somebody told me about it, and I haven't looked into it.
00:51:52.000 But this is apparently something either they're working on, and it's going to be released soon, or it's out now.
00:51:58.000 App that...
00:51:59.000 Because there is, like with my parents who are Hungarian speakers, and I can understand stuff.
00:52:06.000 But even when I speak to my father in English, right?
00:52:08.000 Like he has a whole different understanding of English.
00:52:11.000 Of course.
00:52:12.000 As I do in a different context.
00:52:13.000 Like when he speaks Hungarian, I still don't really understand. 0.94
00:52:17.000 Yeah.
00:52:17.000 Because of the different time and space that we grew up learning a language in.
00:52:21.000 Yeah.
00:52:21.000 Like even generational between your father who is American.
00:52:24.000 Like he didn't grow up with the same TV shows that you did or know the same references.
00:52:28.000 Right.
00:52:29.000 Yeah, you can misunderstand each other even then.
00:52:31.000 Yeah, this is a real thing.
00:52:34.000 It's an app that translates languages during real-time phone calls.
00:52:39.000 Wow.
00:52:39.000 So you can call someone and you can be talking to someone in real fucking time, whatever they say in French or Spanish.
00:52:46.000 And it translates it to you.
00:52:47.000 It translates it to you in real time.
00:52:50.000 Wow.
00:52:50.000 Wow.
00:52:51.000 That's incredible.
00:52:52.000 That's nuts.
00:52:52.000 Dude, we should try it.
00:52:54.000 I know.
00:52:55.000 Yeah, we should.
00:52:56.000 But we don't know any other languages, so we wouldn't know what the fuck.
00:52:59.000 I could call it Japanese, girl.
00:53:00.000 No, you don't know shit.
00:53:04.000 Dude, have you ever been to...
00:53:05.000 This is a Kings of Taiwan website.
00:53:08.000 Did you see that tweet I did today?
00:53:10.000 No, no.
00:53:11.000 What is it?
00:53:11.000 It's Kings of Taiwan.
00:53:12.000 I was on Amazon last night looking up books and it said like where it says recommends to you and one was recommends to you Taiwan hookers. 1.00
00:53:23.000 And it was a Kindle book.
00:53:24.000 And so I was like, what the fuck is this book?
00:53:26.000 And I started reading through it and then I was like, oh wait, this is from a website.
00:53:29.000 Somebody just took it and made it a book on Amazon.
00:53:32.000 So then I started going on this website and next thing I know I'm looking deep in this like report of how to get hookers in Taiwan and how there's like, it's accepted there and how like, It is so interesting.
00:53:43.000 But then I found myself on orbits like, how expensive is it going to go to Taiwan?
00:53:47.000 What am I doing?
00:53:49.000 You were thinking about going to Taiwan?
00:53:50.000 I was lost, dude.
00:53:52.000 Sometimes you just get lost on that barrel on the internet.
00:53:55.000 You just keep on going.
00:53:57.000 Fall down that hole, man.
00:53:58.000 You were thinking about actually going to Taiwan?
00:54:01.000 Well, it looked really nice.
00:54:02.000 I was looking at videos on YouTube and it looked like really pretty there and stuff.
00:54:05.000 Dude, they'll put you in prison.
00:54:06.000 People were saying it's like, it's better than Vegas.
00:54:08.000 You know, like it's like way better than Vegas.
00:54:10.000 But don't they put you in prison just for smoking pot there?
00:54:13.000 No, no, you just don't do drugs or anything.
00:54:15.000 You follow the rules.
00:54:16.000 They have articles on that website about all the laws there and what to do, where to stay, and what soapies to get.
00:54:24.000 The soapies?
00:54:25.000 That would be dangerous.
00:54:28.000 What's a soapy?
00:54:29.000 Soapy.
00:54:30.000 So you guys have never been to Taiwan?
00:54:32.000 Not yet.
00:54:33.000 We're planning on going for the Vegas experience pretty soon.
00:54:36.000 For the better than Vegas experience.
00:54:38.000 It's just really hard to get people to leave the country.
00:54:42.000 Especially now.
00:54:43.000 But if you're looking for a place with really good hookers... 1.00
00:54:46.000 Do it, man.
00:54:47.000 We're not the world champs.
00:54:49.000 And report back to us.
00:54:50.000 By no means.
00:54:51.000 That meant more just for the nightlife.
00:54:54.000 It just seems crazy there.
00:54:56.000 Who sang that song?
00:55:02.000 Who sang that?
00:55:04.000 We just had Yoshi on our show.
00:55:05.000 Oh, powerful Yoshi.
00:55:06.000 Talk about a man who's seen too much.
00:55:09.000 He believes in strictly the hooker experience.
00:55:13.000 Oh, poor Yoshi.
00:55:15.000 Yoshi is our friend.
00:55:16.000 He said Frankfurt is great and so is Amsterdam.
00:55:18.000 Frankfurt?
00:55:20.000 Is that in Germany?
00:55:21.000 That is.
00:55:22.000 Yoshi is a stand-up comedian friend of ours who always worked for porn companies.
00:55:27.000 So we would be at the comedy store and Yoshi would roll up with like a box of DVDs.
00:55:32.000 I always give you, oh, Asian Sensation, check it. 0.99
00:55:36.000 Take your DVD. I think we had a box of...
00:55:39.000 Thanks for giving me stuff to beat off to.
00:55:41.000 Actually, we did.
00:55:42.000 For a long time.
00:55:43.000 Part of my collection, it was secondhand Yoshi.
00:55:45.000 It was DVDs that Yoshi had given people that they gave to me.
00:55:49.000 Fingerprints and shit.
00:55:50.000 Yeah.
00:55:50.000 Yeah.
00:55:51.000 That's hilarious.
00:55:52.000 It was all fetish.
00:55:53.000 Secondhand?
00:55:54.000 Yeah, that fetish stuff is strange as fuck.
00:55:56.000 Dudes will jerk off on girls' feet and shit. 1.00
00:55:59.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that.
00:56:00.000 Oh, that weirdness.
00:56:00.000 My favorite was Speck's Appeal.
00:56:02.000 Oh, yeah.
00:56:03.000 Which was just girls in glasses. 1.00
00:56:05.000 In glasses.
00:56:05.000 And guys are always like, here it goes!
00:56:07.000 And all over the glasses.
00:56:08.000 And she's like, oh, you got all my glasses.
00:56:10.000 I can't.
00:56:11.000 I'll try to go back to reading now.
00:56:13.000 And then they would always try to read their next sentence.
00:56:17.000 My friend, she does bondage stuff, and she just got a letter the other day that was like, hey, you know, I want to be your gimp.
00:56:23.000 I just can't, you know, I have to wear a mask, but you can, like, peel off pieces of my arm and eat it if you want to.
00:56:30.000 You can do anything you want to.
00:56:32.000 This is a person that you know?
00:56:33.000 She said that to you? 0.90
00:56:34.000 No, no, somebody wrote a letter, an email to this person I know.
00:56:38.000 Oh, okay.
00:56:39.000 Oh, I see.
00:56:40.000 And he attached to a photo, and it's so horrible to look at.
00:56:43.000 You look at it and go, wow, that's a serial killer right there.
00:56:46.000 That guy right there is a serial killer.
00:56:48.000 You know what they say about people that have this thing where they're always hurting themselves?
00:56:53.000 They cut themselves.
00:56:56.000 Some people have crazy genital piercings and shit like that. 1.00
00:57:00.000 They think that some people that do really freaky shit Might have a problem where they're not experiencing pain the right way.
00:57:09.000 Oh, that's interesting.
00:57:10.000 Really?
00:57:11.000 Yeah.
00:57:11.000 And it leads them to more and more extreme things to really jolt themselves and feel it.
00:57:18.000 Yeah.
00:57:19.000 Well, some people clearly don't have the same pain threshold that I would say the majority of people have.
00:57:25.000 You see some people do things and you're like, How the fuck did that not hurt you more than anything?
00:57:29.000 Well, you know that guy that got fucked to death by the horse?
00:57:31.000 Yeah.
00:57:32.000 That guy had piercings all over his balls. 1.00
00:57:37.000 His balls were like a three-ring binder.
00:57:39.000 I'm not joking.
00:57:41.000 He just click-clack, click-clack, click-clack, click-clack, click-clack.
00:57:43.000 So, like, this guy was just...
00:57:45.000 He was a straight up lokester.
00:57:47.000 It wasn't just getting horses to fuck him in the ass.
00:57:50.000 He was like running metal through his ball bag.
00:57:52.000 Horses.
00:57:53.000 Horses are crazy.
00:57:55.000 That horse fucked him to death.
00:57:56.000 Yeah, I remember that.
00:57:57.000 The craziest thing too about the horse fucking and being into that is the horse dick is second to the horse thrust. 0.89
00:58:06.000 Because an animal thrust, a thrust from a horse is impossible.
00:58:11.000 You can't, you could line up Eight people and be like, don't let them push.
00:58:15.000 And that horse is fucking through you.
00:58:18.000 Yeah, man.
00:58:19.000 All they eat is grass, too.
00:58:21.000 What the fuck?
00:58:22.000 Can you imagine if grass is a solution the whole time?
00:58:25.000 To everything?
00:58:26.000 Healthy as fuck and just run for a hundred miles.
00:58:29.000 Yeah.
00:58:29.000 Horses just eat grass and they're yoked.
00:58:31.000 Yeah.
00:58:32.000 It's a good diet, right?
00:58:34.000 They're so swole.
00:58:35.000 I mean, is there any animal more swole than a horse?
00:58:39.000 I was about to say they're like thoroughbreds and then I remembered they are thoroughbreds.
00:58:44.000 A thoroughbred horse.
00:58:47.000 There's no animal in the animal kingdom that is more yoked.
00:58:51.000 And they're fucking beautiful.
00:58:53.000 You see them and you're like, that looks like a majestic dog.
00:58:56.000 The fact that you can actually ride it and get it to do shit.
00:58:59.000 And with you on its back, it's like How's 35 miles an hour sound?
00:59:02.000 You know, you're like, alright.
00:59:04.000 I don't fuck with horses.
00:59:05.000 The real problem, though, is the people that want to do those jumping things and all that other kind of crazy shit with the horses, like those sports, equestrian sports.
00:59:15.000 People die during those times.
00:59:17.000 That's how Christopher Eve got fucked up.
00:59:18.000 And the horses get fucked up a lot, too.
00:59:20.000 Yeah, I don't get that.
00:59:22.000 No, dude.
00:59:22.000 I just feel like that's a scary proposition right there.
00:59:25.000 You're Planning on this animal, listening to you.
00:59:28.000 What if it pulls a muscle?
00:59:29.000 Are you ready for that?
00:59:30.000 I'm out.
00:59:30.000 If you understand bodies, animals, they strain things.
00:59:35.000 They break legs.
00:59:36.000 They twist ankles.
00:59:37.000 Shit goes wrong.
00:59:38.000 If shit's going wrong while that animal does that, you're attached to that fucking thing, and it's going to spike you into the ground with all of its weight on top of you.
00:59:45.000 Dude, fuck riding a horse.
00:59:47.000 Fuck riding a horse.
00:59:48.000 I'm not about it at all.
00:59:49.000 I got bugged once.
00:59:50.000 I would never go back.
00:59:51.000 Give me virtual knuckles, girl. 1.00
00:59:52.000 I'm with you.
00:59:53.000 Fuck that.
00:59:53.000 Fuck.
00:59:54.000 I think they're beautiful, and I wouldn't mind riding a horse, like a trail horse and stuff like that, as long as it's a cool horse that some guy had had and taken care of.
01:00:02.000 You know that this is an easy-going horse that's always been loved and treated with respect.
01:00:07.000 Or like old Millie, the older one, who's been hanging out for 70 years.
01:00:10.000 I'm totally down with that, but the real problem is these fucking equestrian events.
01:00:14.000 We've got them jumping over shit. 0.99
01:00:18.000 Well, not only that.
01:00:18.000 To me, it's not respect for this beautiful, magnificent beast.
01:00:22.000 I mean, fuck you.
01:00:23.000 Sort of, but it is kind of cool to watch him jump.
01:00:25.000 It is, but I mean, have respect.
01:00:26.000 Like you said, this animal also has a mind of its own.
01:00:29.000 How do you know what it's going to do?
01:00:30.000 How do you know it wants to do that bullshit?
01:00:32.000 Yeah.
01:00:33.000 It doesn't want to do that bullshit.
01:00:34.000 Yeah, you don't want someone on your back.
01:00:36.000 Especially because the animal can clearly see that there's nothing to the left of these fucking boards and nothing to the right.
01:00:42.000 It's like, why am I jumping when I can just go to the left?
01:00:45.000 Right, right.
01:00:45.000 And I've seen footage of that before where the horse goes like...
01:00:49.000 Stop, stupid.
01:00:51.000 Why am I jumping this, man?
01:00:53.000 What am I, your fucking trained monkey?
01:00:54.000 We got options, man.
01:00:56.000 We got options.
01:00:57.000 I'm going around.
01:00:58.000 This is fucking stupid.
01:01:00.000 Why should I jump?
01:01:01.000 You're on my back.
01:01:02.000 We should have a jumping contest. 0.96
01:01:04.000 Who do you think jumps the highest?
01:01:05.000 The highest?
01:01:06.000 Not me.
01:01:07.000 Brian, are you broken today?
01:01:10.000 Yeah, I'm broken.
01:01:11.000 You gave me that joint.
01:01:12.000 Whatever the fuck was in that joint.
01:01:14.000 I told you.
01:01:14.000 One hit.
01:01:15.000 I did take one hit.
01:01:16.000 Do you have a good vertical?
01:01:17.000 I could probably jump decent.
01:01:20.000 Nothing shocking.
01:01:21.000 That is the one, of all the physical things and attributes that you can desire, like I wish I could do this.
01:01:29.000 When you're with somebody, especially if they're your size and they have an amazing vertical leap, it's the fucking most fascinating thing to watch them.
01:01:39.000 To watch it, because it's totally natural.
01:01:40.000 I've been with people my height that can literally jump 15 inches higher than I can.
01:01:45.000 What?
01:01:46.000 Holy shit!
01:01:47.000 And it's the thing I was like, man.
01:01:50.000 And the people that I've seen do it wasn't through by train every day.
01:01:53.000 It was just, that's how high I could jump.
01:01:55.000 I jump every day.
01:01:57.000 I jump all day.
01:01:58.000 No, it was just a natural, hereditary, or whatever.
01:02:02.000 They were just born being able to jump through the fucking roof.
01:02:06.000 That's what Bo Jackson was like.
01:02:08.000 That's one of the most amazing physical specimens in recorded time.
01:02:13.000 He's still got records in the NFL combine.
01:02:16.000 I think he still holds the record for the 40. Does he really?
01:02:19.000 I think so.
01:02:20.000 That was like watching a human horse.
01:02:25.000 It really was.
01:02:26.000 That guy is an unbelievable athlete.
01:02:30.000 Somebody who wrote a book about him was talking about it.
01:02:34.000 I wish I could remember the guy's name.
01:02:35.000 I should Google it.
01:02:37.000 Watch...
01:02:38.000 Look up Bo Jackson highlights from football when he was at Auburn or when we played for the...
01:02:45.000 If he didn't get his hip injured, there is absolutely no telling what that guy would have done.
01:02:50.000 He would fucking...
01:02:51.000 He was so fast that he was like...
01:02:53.000 You know, he was like the fastest guy on the team.
01:02:56.000 But it was on like a 225 or 230 pound body.
01:03:00.000 So he could truck people too.
01:03:02.000 Like just lower his shoulder and just...
01:03:04.000 He would deliver hits...
01:03:06.000 You know, he would give a concussion out with the football in his hand.
01:03:10.000 Wow.
01:03:11.000 That just unbelievable physical specimen, Bo Jackson.
01:03:16.000 Jesus Christ.
01:03:16.000 And he played professional baseball just because he liked baseball, too.
01:03:20.000 You know, just one of those guys who was like, oh, how about I'll also play another Professional sport.
01:03:26.000 And be awesome at it.
01:03:26.000 Yeah, and be awesome at it.
01:03:27.000 And just home runs.
01:03:29.000 I remember watching him.
01:03:30.000 You ever see a guy?
01:03:31.000 Because I saw him do this.
01:03:32.000 For sure there's footage of this.
01:03:34.000 Bo Jackson breaking a baseball bat over his leg.
01:03:38.000 Over his knee.
01:03:39.000 He would do it like it was nothing.
01:03:41.000 It was like a twig, man.
01:03:42.000 He was like, boop, like he was breaking a candy bar.
01:03:44.000 He was like, you have half, I'll take half.
01:03:45.000 He would just snap that shit.
01:03:47.000 Fuck, I struck out.
01:03:48.000 Apparently, he was always able to do freaky shit.
01:03:51.000 This guy was talking about that when he was young, he used to be able to jump over cars.
01:03:54.000 He could jump over the hood of a car.
01:03:57.000 Yeah, I saw a guy do that.
01:03:59.000 Dude, that's crazy.
01:04:01.000 That's one of the things I was talking about.
01:04:02.000 I saw a guy do that who was smaller than me, shorter than me, you know?
01:04:06.000 A total fucking just yoked dude.
01:04:08.000 He played running back.
01:04:09.000 He actually broke California state records in high school.
01:04:12.000 And he did that.
01:04:13.000 He jumped over the hood of a car.
01:04:15.000 And I was like, that is amazing to watch.
01:04:17.000 I mean, amazing.
01:04:18.000 That's crazy.
01:04:19.000 To watch a guy like that sprint, you're like, oh, dude, I could run forever and never sprint like that.
01:04:24.000 Jesus.
01:04:25.000 Yeah.
01:04:25.000 Yeah, there's a kid that I saw on a video who jumped off a roof, did a backflip off a roof.
01:04:32.000 And it was like a three-story or two-story building.
01:04:35.000 It was the most ridiculous shit I've ever seen.
01:04:37.000 And the kid made it and lived and it was fine.
01:04:40.000 If you want to see, like, that's incredible.
01:04:42.000 If you want to see, like, a crazy other level, like, type of running athlete, like, you just see, like, oh, this is another gear that they have that other people just don't have.
01:04:53.000 If you look at, um, there's this guy that plays football for, like, uh, he plays for the Bills, I think now.
01:04:59.000 His name's C.J. Spiller.
01:05:01.000 And when he was at Clemson, there's highlights of him, like, where he would stop, like, stop in the middle of the field, and there's, like, five guys surrounding him, and then he just turns it on again.
01:05:11.000 But he goes to, like, he goes to, like, fifth gear before they get to first, you know?
01:05:15.000 Right.
01:05:15.000 That's, like, he just got to his gear so much faster than them.
01:05:19.000 But those are all, like, dynamite.
01:05:21.000 Yeah.
01:05:22.000 You know?
01:05:22.000 And you're just like, that doesn't make sense.
01:05:24.000 Or, like, Devin Hester is this guy who plays for the Bears.
01:05:28.000 He's, you know, a well-known returner Ramps up.
01:05:54.000 Yeah, and you're just like, holy shit, he is!
01:05:56.000 He hit fifth gear immediately, and you see the other guys...
01:05:59.000 So his off-the-gate explosion is fantastic.
01:06:01.000 Yeah, it's incredible.
01:06:04.000 There's no even playing field.
01:06:07.000 The idea that there's an even playing field when it comes to human beings is crazy.
01:06:11.000 Just by looking at the different sizes of us, there's a reason why we need weight classes, okay?
01:06:15.000 And the variables inside of weight classes Those are also pretty extreme with some athletes.
01:06:21.000 Some people just aren't that coordinated.
01:06:23.000 They don't move that well.
01:06:24.000 They don't have that kind of power.
01:06:25.000 And then there's guys that can just learn things like immediately.
01:06:28.000 And they can run like a gazelle and they can do shit to you that you can't do to them.
01:06:33.000 And they were out of the box like that.
01:06:36.000 There's guys that are out of the box athletes.
01:06:39.000 Did you ever think about how unlikely the total package of LeBron James is?
01:06:45.000 This is crazy!
01:06:46.000 That is a.001% package.
01:06:50.000 A crackhead gives birth to him.
01:06:53.000 That's not right?
01:06:54.000 Yes, his mom was a crackhead. 1.00
01:06:55.000 Really?
01:06:55.000 Was she a crackhead?
01:06:56.000 Yes!
01:06:57.000 Not only is his mom a crackhead, his mom allegedly was fucking one of his teammates. 0.73
01:07:00.000 Oh, that's right.
01:07:01.000 Is that true?
01:07:02.000 Hot sauce in my bag.
01:07:04.000 Delonte West.
01:07:05.000 Is that true?
01:07:05.000 Yes!
01:07:07.000 Delonte West, man.
01:07:08.000 His mom allegedly had a substance abuse problem.
01:07:14.000 She gives birth to this gigantic super athlete who moves like a panther, like a giant panther. 1.00
01:07:23.000 If LeBron James was in MMA, do you know how many people that guy would be fucking up?
01:07:27.000 Oh, yeah.
01:07:28.000 If you train that guy?
01:07:29.000 If that guy wanted to fight, if he had the will to fight.
01:07:32.000 Yeah.
01:07:34.000 Yeah.
01:07:35.000 Well, you know, in high school, he was all-state tight end playing football.
01:07:40.000 Because people always talk about, can you imagine this son of a bitch playing football? 0.98
01:07:43.000 He stopped playing, I think, after his sophomore season.
01:07:46.000 It was all-state, like, already, like, this is going to be somebody you're going to have to deal with.
01:07:49.000 Right.
01:07:49.000 And stop playing.
01:07:50.000 But you look at that body, 6'8", 270, and he has no body.
01:07:55.000 Jordan learned how to fight.
01:07:56.000 You know what I'm stupid?
01:07:57.000 I thought LeBron did play football this whole time.
01:08:00.000 What team is he on?
01:08:01.000 You didn't know?
01:08:03.000 LeBron James.
01:08:04.000 Basketball!
01:08:05.000 Here's what I know in sports is whatever Tom tells me.
01:08:07.000 You don't watch anything outside of that?
01:08:08.000 No, I like tennis.
01:08:10.000 I used to watch that.
01:08:10.000 What about ladies golf?
01:08:14.000 Yes, every day.
01:08:15.000 She isn't gay. 0.81
01:08:16.000 Come on, LeBron.
01:08:16.000 Is that the case?
01:08:18.000 I've heard that said before.
01:08:19.000 What's that?
01:08:20.000 That ladies golf is like a lot of K-chicks. 1.00
01:08:23.000 Probably.
01:08:23.000 I think there's a little bit of a...
01:08:25.000 Which I support 100%.
01:08:26.000 Yeah, of course.
01:08:26.000 Always do.
01:08:27.000 Look at the poles. 1.00
01:08:28.000 Look at the sticks they use.
01:08:29.000 There's definitely...
01:08:30.000 What?
01:08:31.000 Jesus Christ.
01:08:31.000 Who's trying today, boy?
01:08:34.000 There's definitely some well-known gay golfers.
01:08:39.000 I don't know who watches ladies golf. 1.00
01:08:42.000 I'm not sure what the audience is.
01:08:43.000 They are amazing golfers.
01:08:45.000 So essentially just a bunch of lesbos sitting around staring at each other. 1.00
01:08:50.000 It's amazing how good they are, though.
01:08:52.000 Fuck, man.
01:08:52.000 Well, it's one of the few groups that lesbians are able to really grow.
01:08:56.000 Lesbians, they have a hard time getting a community. 1.00
01:08:59.000 Gay dudes have massive communities all over the country.
01:09:02.000 There's parts of the Tenderloin, and if you go to the Santa Monica area, West Hollywood, Santa Monica Boulevard, that is a goddamn gay area. 1.00
01:09:13.000 There are dudes there. 0.98
01:09:14.000 They've all conglomerated, they know where the party's at, and you drive by.
01:09:19.000 Yeah, but that place on Hollywood Boulevard, on Santa Monica Boulevard, that West Hollywood spot, that is the gayest spot on earth. 1.00
01:09:28.000 I'm sorry, which one?
01:09:29.000 That area, that whole area while you're driving.
01:09:31.000 Yes, yes it is.
01:09:32.000 Is that Club Rage still there?
01:09:34.000 I think, yeah.
01:09:35.000 I'm sorry, I don't go every week.
01:09:37.000 That's the flagship club, I believe.
01:09:39.000 That's the one that's on the big, that was the one that...
01:09:40.000 Yes, I think.
01:09:41.000 You know where Doheny is?
01:09:43.000 I was coming down Doheny and I'm at the red light there and it was a Saturday night and it was fucking beautiful weather and everybody was out and it was a gay party on the streets, man.
01:09:53.000 And there was these two dudes and they both had their hands, their fingers looped into each other's belt loops and they were interlocked, kind of scissoring and just grinding dicks together.
01:10:07.000 And I was like, I can only watch this a certain amount of time before some gay slips into me. 1.00
01:10:13.000 I gotta get out of here!
01:10:15.000 It was like a fucking bomb had been ignited and I had to get outside the blast radius.
01:10:21.000 A dude bomb.
01:10:21.000 And it's like, there's a gay bomb here!
01:10:25.000 But they're so happy.
01:10:26.000 Oh, they were happy as fuck.
01:10:27.000 Well, we used to live next to a bear bar in Silver Lake, so you'd have to walk past the bear bar to get to Trader Joe's.
01:10:35.000 Oh, whoa, whoa.
01:10:35.000 That's a specific type of gay bar.
01:10:37.000 Oh, it's so wonderful.
01:10:38.000 And so, like, you know, Tuesday nights is like...
01:10:40.000 Rimjob Tuesdays.
01:10:41.000 Rimjob Tuesdays.
01:10:42.000 They have the big sign-out fund.
01:10:43.000 It's Rimjob Tuesdays.
01:10:44.000 And they had a huge rooster in the back. 0.86
01:10:46.000 And, like, these guys just partied.
01:10:48.000 They partied hard.
01:10:49.000 They loved life.
01:10:49.000 And you'd hear, like, you'd drive by.
01:10:51.000 You could be having, like, the most...
01:10:53.000 Quiet, lame kind of night.
01:10:54.000 You're like, there's nothing going on.
01:10:56.000 And then as you pulled up, you're like, oh, there's some dicks grinding going on right now.
01:11:01.000 And you're like, ah, neighborhood is alive right now.
01:11:04.000 And the best part, there was a security guard that would stand outside.
01:11:07.000 But because he was in front of a gay bar, you didn't know if it was just a costume the first few times.
01:11:12.000 You see him, you're like, that guy's going all out tonight.
01:11:15.000 And he's like, no, I'm the security guard.
01:11:16.000 He had a mustache and his little hat.
01:11:20.000 A mustache.
01:11:21.000 Yeah.
01:11:21.000 There's very few that pull off the John Stossel.
01:11:24.000 Yeah.
01:11:25.000 That thick upper mustache.
01:11:27.000 John Stossel.
01:11:27.000 They commit to that, man.
01:11:28.000 That's a strange one.
01:11:29.000 Yeah.
01:11:30.000 That's a strange one.
01:11:30.000 Yeah, I always wonder that, because people usually mock the mustache, you know, or they rock the ironic mustache.
01:11:35.000 Movember.
01:11:36.000 Yeah.
01:11:37.000 But in the gay community, it's like, Yo. 0.98
01:11:39.000 I'm down.
01:11:40.000 Are you?
01:11:41.000 I saw a guy the other day who was beautiful.
01:11:43.000 He had Timbalands on and he had cut-off jean shorts and he had one of those leather scally caps on and he had a jean jacket that was sleeveless.
01:11:54.000 Nice.
01:11:55.000 He was fucking ridiculous.
01:11:57.000 And this was like right after I worked in San Francisco with Greg Fitzsimmons.
01:12:03.000 Greg Fitzsimmons fucking killed me.
01:12:07.000 He got on stage and he goes, this is the last city where there's real faggots. 1.00
01:12:11.000 You can see a guy with leather pants and a handlebar mustache.
01:12:16.000 Oh my god.
01:12:17.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:12:17.000 He'd get fucking crushed, too, because it was so true.
01:12:20.000 Yeah.
01:12:20.000 These unabashed animals.
01:12:23.000 Yeah, that's fucking funny.
01:12:24.000 A really, like, aggressively gay guy.
01:12:26.000 That guy that you described, like, if Cock was a company, that's the chairman and CEO of Cock.
01:12:33.000 Timbaland.
01:12:33.000 Like, in charge.
01:12:34.000 Yeah.
01:12:35.000 With the fluffy socks.
01:12:36.000 You know, the socks are kind of scrunched down.
01:12:39.000 And the Timberlands are like open.
01:12:40.000 And then he's got cut-off jean shorts and a jean jacket.
01:12:44.000 He was just so gay. 1.00
01:12:47.000 Sleeveless.
01:12:47.000 San Francisco?
01:12:48.000 No!
01:12:49.000 This was in Santa Monica Boulevard.
01:12:51.000 Oh, Santa Monica.
01:12:52.000 This one, the gayest guy on earth. 1.00
01:12:55.000 The only one that comes close to him.
01:12:57.000 I was in Houston once.
01:13:00.000 I wanted to congratulate this guy.
01:13:04.000 The way he was rocking it.
01:13:06.000 But I didn't want to offend him, so I let it go.
01:13:08.000 But he had leg warmers on that were rainbow.
01:13:13.000 That's already, yeah.
01:13:14.000 Rainbow-colored leg warmers on.
01:13:16.000 And he had these little designer-like, they looked like some odd tennis shoe type thing that he was wearing.
01:13:25.000 Some very trendy tennis shoe.
01:13:27.000 And then he had these boys' gym shorts.
01:13:30.000 Remember those gym shorts you used to wear?
01:13:32.000 They were blue with the white stripe?
01:13:34.000 And they were way too small.
01:13:35.000 They were way too small.
01:13:37.000 And he's a frail man as it is.
01:13:39.000 And then he had a pink, skin-tight shirt and some crazy multi-colored bandana.
01:13:47.000 And as he was working out, he was working out like this.
01:13:55.000 Like grunting.
01:13:57.000 Leg warmers, man.
01:13:59.000 This is the gayest man that's ever walked the face of the earth. 1.00
01:14:02.000 This guy, if he got together with the other guy, they would create a black hole of homosexuality. 0.97
01:14:08.000 It would eat its way through the cement.
01:14:10.000 Eat cement and spit cum back at you. 0.95
01:14:13.000 Fuck.
01:14:14.000 Fuck.
01:14:15.000 It would be a sinkhole of gay. 1.00
01:14:16.000 If you slipped and fell into it, you'd fall prey to the gay. 1.00
01:14:19.000 You saw something...
01:14:20.000 Which one?
01:14:21.000 I lived in San Francisco for years.
01:14:22.000 She lived in San Francisco.
01:14:23.000 I went to college there.
01:14:25.000 You definitely saw the gayest thing that you can see. 1.00
01:14:27.000 Which one?
01:14:28.000 There's so many.
01:14:29.000 You said during the parade one time you saw a guy...
01:14:32.000 Two guys fucking on the corner.
01:14:34.000 Yeah, on the street.
01:14:35.000 Just on the street.
01:14:36.000 We don't need to find a mattress or a bed or an alleyway.
01:14:40.000 If you see guys butt-fucking on the street, you'll be like, that's the gayest street. 1.00
01:14:43.000 You'll never forget that street.
01:14:45.000 At that moment, it's one of the gayest streets on Earth. 1.00
01:14:47.000 Sure.
01:14:47.000 But I think it was during the Folsom Street Fair in all...
01:14:51.000 So that's like the gay Mardi Gras. 1.00
01:14:52.000 That's why I fuck on the street.
01:14:55.000 I like to limit it to fairs.
01:14:57.000 Don't bring your kids.
01:14:57.000 If you're willing to fuck on the street during a fair, you're a real gangster.
01:15:01.000 You're out there just fucking breaking laws.
01:15:04.000 You're a part of the problem.
01:15:06.000 Hey, remember at the bear gym in our old neighborhood?
01:15:09.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:15:10.000 That some guys, so this thing also in bear culture is these big guys, they also like to build their musk.
01:15:16.000 Yes.
01:15:17.000 And that's another part of it.
01:15:19.000 And Tommy, one time, I think you were downwind of a guy.
01:15:22.000 Yeah.
01:15:22.000 Weren't you?
01:15:22.000 The fan was behind him or something?
01:15:24.000 Yeah.
01:15:24.000 Fuck, man.
01:15:25.000 And you could smell his mouth.
01:15:26.000 It was so strong.
01:15:27.000 It wasn't like Jim's smell strong.
01:15:29.000 It was like a personal body odor that, you know, you could just tell when someone's BO was kicking.
01:15:35.000 Was it kicking because he was dirty?
01:15:38.000 Like he hadn't washed it?
01:15:39.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:15:40.000 It was definitely a I haven't showered in like...
01:15:43.000 In a while.
01:15:44.000 Maybe it's to ward off the smell of shit while you're fucking with your ass.
01:15:49.000 Do you ever think about that?
01:15:50.000 I think it was just...
01:15:51.000 I mean, there's gotta be something that jumps out.
01:15:54.000 He had such pride about his musk.
01:15:56.000 I could just tell the way he was like, you picking up what I'm putting out there right now?
01:16:00.000 Just look about it.
01:16:01.000 It's his genre.
01:16:02.000 I imagine that some people were walking through the gym that day like, Thanks, brother.
01:16:07.000 Like, thanks for putting us out here because you got me fired up.
01:16:10.000 You got me ready to do some squats!
01:16:12.000 This motherfucker smell good! 0.82
01:16:15.000 Damn!
01:16:16.000 Damn!
01:16:17.000 Yeah, there's different levels of, like, gay guys, too, right?
01:16:20.000 What they're into.
01:16:21.000 Like, some guys are just into other, like, crazy big gay guys.
01:16:24.000 And some guys, they're like twinks.
01:16:26.000 They're like little tiny little boys.
01:16:28.000 Hairless.
01:16:29.000 Yeah, there's this dude that I... Shave it down, brother.
01:16:31.000 ...that I knew that was a...
01:16:34.000 producer type character so wealthy character that always had like these young boys with them they were always like just 20 years old a little confused like that's I know a well-known comic who likes that one do you only know one oh yeah that's true I know several yeah that's sort of that's kind of a type there's all types there's otters cubs otters what's an otter No,
01:16:57.000 I believe an otter, it's a tall, slender, hairless, is an otter, as opposed to a big, hairy, fat, which is a bear.
01:17:06.000 And a younger bear is actually a cub, right?
01:17:09.000 A cub.
01:17:10.000 So bears go with cubs.
01:17:12.000 And cubs are just smaller and more malleable.
01:17:16.000 But now I heard that the word twink is becoming taboo.
01:17:20.000 The way that fag is kind of not cool to say. 1.00
01:17:23.000 I think twink is starting to become in the air.
01:17:25.000 Everybody's fired up about something.
01:17:27.000 Please stop the tide of...
01:17:31.000 Well, here's what happened.
01:17:32.000 So, you know, Andy Cohen on Bravo, I think he went on some other show and he's like, oh, look at all these twinks here.
01:17:39.000 And then the twink community got really upset and started tweeting them. 0.99
01:17:42.000 What?
01:17:42.000 Yeah, I know.
01:17:42.000 And so he apologized to the twinks.
01:17:45.000 Oh, God.
01:17:46.000 But isn't he gay, Andy?
01:17:46.000 Yes.
01:17:47.000 He is so gay. 1.00
01:17:47.000 Yeah, he's totally. 1.00
01:17:48.000 Oh, God.
01:17:49.000 He apologized to the twinks.
01:17:51.000 Everybody is just looking for an opportunity to be sensitive.
01:17:53.000 Yes.
01:17:54.000 We are in such a weird time.
01:17:56.000 It is.
01:17:56.000 It's like people have found reward in pointing at hot button things like that.
01:18:02.000 Like, hey, at the twin community, we do not reach what you're doing. 0.98
01:18:07.000 Or being offended.
01:18:08.000 The twin community was all organized.
01:18:10.000 You know who else is fucking super annoying?
01:18:13.000 I mean, this one's a way different level of what assholes they are.
01:18:19.000 It's just like one million moms. 0.80
01:18:21.000 What is that?
01:18:22.000 It's just like we're mothers that are Christian that want to raise fucking great kids, but we're completely bigoted, discriminatory assholes.
01:18:33.000 They publicly lash out for the second or third time At JCPenney for having Ellen DeGeneres as their spokesman.
01:18:41.000 They're like, you realize that none of us are ever going to shop there again?
01:18:44.000 Because you hired Ellen to be your... 0.92
01:18:47.000 That kind of shit.
01:18:48.000 And they got really mad about her latest Christmas commercial with elves.
01:18:52.000 And they're like, you have a gay woman with elves? 0.98
01:18:54.000 What's going to fucking happen next?
01:18:57.000 Sodomy! 1.00
01:18:58.000 That's a good point.
01:18:59.000 Yeah.
01:18:59.000 I mean, what would happen next?
01:19:00.000 What will happen next if lesbians and elves get together? 1.00
01:19:04.000 You've got lesbians mixing up with magical creatures. 1.00
01:19:07.000 That's right.
01:19:07.000 Shit could get crazy.
01:19:08.000 Definitely.
01:19:09.000 What if they have nefarious intentions and they develop some sort of lesbian pixie dust? 1.00
01:19:14.000 That's right.
01:19:14.000 And they spray it over a city while they're flying around.
01:19:16.000 And your kids become gay elves. 1.00
01:19:18.000 Yeah, and everybody becomes lesbian elves. 1.00
01:19:20.000 Yeah, we've got a bunch of miniature gay elves running around. 1.00
01:19:22.000 Listen, man, you mock.
01:19:25.000 Now, I wonder, does the lesbian community have these genres? 0.99
01:19:29.000 I don't know.
01:19:29.000 I don't know much.
01:19:30.000 Oh, yeah.
01:19:30.000 They have lipstick lesbians.
01:19:32.000 Oh, right, butch.
01:19:33.000 Fred Flintstone-looking lesbians. 1.00
01:19:36.000 Lipstick's the best, right?
01:19:37.000 Yeah, that's the kind that you like.
01:19:39.000 Yeah, the lipsticks is the pretty ones who kiss the other pretty ones. 1.00
01:19:42.000 Oh, yes, 100%.
01:19:43.000 The other ones are intimidating, especially if they want to fight.
01:19:46.000 We're not always good at shows either.
01:19:49.000 I don't think they have the best sense of humor.
01:19:51.000 No, they can.
01:19:52.000 They can be cool.
01:19:52.000 For me, maybe not for you.
01:19:53.000 They can be cool.
01:19:55.000 It's like you can't really generalize a whole fucking sexual orientation.
01:20:00.000 I've met a lot of cool lesbians. 1.00
01:20:01.000 Me too.
01:20:02.000 Yeah, they're great.
01:20:02.000 I've met a lot of annoying straight people too.
01:20:04.000 Yeah, everybody sucks in their own way.
01:20:06.000 God damn it.
01:20:08.000 That's sort of the anti-positive approach.
01:20:10.000 Everybody's got their own special gift.
01:20:12.000 Everybody sucks in their own way.
01:20:14.000 You took that shit to the dark place.
01:20:16.000 It's true.
01:20:16.000 That's hilarious.
01:20:17.000 And so true.
01:20:18.000 It is true.
01:20:19.000 We have a little something fucking with us.
01:20:23.000 I have to ask you this.
01:20:24.000 I wanted to get your thoughts on Pacquiao going down to Marquez.
01:20:30.000 It was crazy.
01:20:31.000 Crazy, huh?
01:20:32.000 Yeah.
01:20:32.000 Well, Manny Pacquiao, first of all, is a super nice guy.
01:20:36.000 Tosh and I filmed this thing with him.
01:20:38.000 Where I played Daniel Tasha's manager, and he was going to let Manny Pacquiao punch him in the face for some strange reason.
01:20:46.000 I like that.
01:20:47.000 And so Manny Pacquiao, he's very nice about it, by the way.
01:20:50.000 He kind of tapped him, and I'm like, hit him harder, hit him harder.
01:20:53.000 And Tasha's looking at me like, what the fuck, man?
01:20:56.000 He's not going to hurt you, dude.
01:20:57.000 Just hit him a little harder, just a little harder.
01:21:00.000 Even then, Manny Pacquiao so gently tapped him.
01:21:05.000 But he's so nice.
01:21:06.000 He's a really friendly guy.
01:21:07.000 He doesn't have any weird feeling around him.
01:21:10.000 He's a super duper star.
01:21:11.000 He travels deep with this giant entourage that's taking care of everything around him all the time.
01:21:16.000 And he's like the nicest guy in the world.
01:21:18.000 So that made me sad.
01:21:20.000 But that's the game he's playing.
01:21:23.000 He plays a crazy game.
01:21:24.000 That game is you are competing with your consciousness.
01:21:29.000 You're competing with your physical health.
01:21:30.000 You're competing against another man who's a trained killer.
01:21:35.000 Yeah.
01:21:37.000 When he hits you, your body is just like any other body.
01:21:40.000 And if someone hits you perfectly like he did, twice he nailed it.
01:21:43.000 He dropped him with that first one and most likely he was still hurt from that.
01:21:47.000 But that second punch was so powerful.
01:21:51.000 That was like the perfect punch.
01:21:53.000 Because Pacquiao was moving forward and Marquez caught him moving forward and just crushed him in his tracks.
01:22:01.000 He was lights out on the way down.
01:22:02.000 Yeah, it was one of the worst or best one-punch knockouts I've ever seen in all of boxing.
01:22:07.000 I think it goes in the top ten.
01:22:10.000 It's like, I mean, that shit is right up there with Paul Williams getting knocked out by Sergio Martinez.
01:22:15.000 Did you see that?
01:22:15.000 Uh-uh.
01:22:16.000 Uh-uh.
01:22:17.000 Sergio Martinez has got a vicious left hand and he's like super athletic and moves around a lot.
01:22:22.000 And he nailed Paul Williams like this perfect overhand left as he was moving in and just spun him around and face planted.
01:22:30.000 It was just like that.
01:22:31.000 Jesus.
01:22:32.000 But I just didn't expect to see that with Pacquiao.
01:22:35.000 I think I was seeing some stats on it that that was his first time being knocked out since 98. Maybe knocked down even since 98?
01:22:47.000 I think he's been dropped.
01:22:48.000 Dropped?
01:22:49.000 I think he's been dropped.
01:22:50.000 Some incredible stat that it hadn't happened since 98. Actually, now that I think about it, I think Marquez dropped him in his fight.
01:22:59.000 In this fight, before he knocked him out, that was the first fight Marquez had knocked him down.
01:23:03.000 He had knocked Marquez down before, but Marquez had staggered him before.
01:23:06.000 But somebody had stopped him earlier in his career.
01:23:09.000 He had been knocked out earlier in his career, but never like this.
01:23:12.000 This was one of those knockouts that might just be a game changer. 0.71
01:23:16.000 Yeah.
01:23:16.000 And you know, boxers, what you're seeing, first of all, in Manny, is you're seeing a guy who's already had, before this fight, they had three crazy fucking wars.
01:23:27.000 Right.
01:23:28.000 Three wars.
01:23:29.000 Yeah, brutal wars.
01:23:29.000 Back and forth, blasting each other.
01:23:31.000 And you, how many of those can you have, really, in your life?
01:23:36.000 There's a number.
01:23:37.000 It might be ten, it might be seven, everybody's different depending on when you start, depending on how good your defense is, but you're gonna get nailed.
01:23:44.000 You're getting your head hit, you're getting your body hit. 0.81
01:23:47.000 You've got a lot of fucking problems.
01:23:48.000 And that, among other fights, training, sparring sessions, just hundreds of punches.
01:23:54.000 That was the point.
01:23:55.000 The point is, what you're seeing is a tiny fraction of the actual damage his head has taken, because you're only seeing one fight.
01:24:01.000 So you think about all the fights that he's had, all the punches that he's taken, it's a tremendous amount of punishment as is.
01:24:07.000 Then you have to factor in the fact that that is a fraction of the actual punishment.
01:24:12.000 Then you start getting an idea of what the fuck is really going on when you're training for a fight.
01:24:17.000 You have to have a number in your head or a feeling or a time or what.
01:24:22.000 You've got to know when to fucking get out because the more you do that shit, the more one day it's going to catch up with you.
01:24:28.000 But with a guy like Pacquiao, it's super hard for those guys to just go out on top.
01:24:32.000 Floyd Mayweather retired and then he came back.
01:24:34.000 He almost went out on top.
01:24:36.000 He almost said fuck it and went out on top.
01:24:38.000 But I think he's probably the most cautious out of all of them.
01:24:42.000 Floyd?
01:24:42.000 Yeah.
01:24:43.000 He's the most cautious stylistically.
01:24:45.000 Very rarely gets hit.
01:24:47.000 When he does get hit, recovers very well.
01:24:49.000 Shane Mosley was the last one to tag him.
01:24:51.000 He goes through entire fights where he barely gets tagged.
01:24:54.000 He just boxes the shit out of people.
01:24:56.000 And I love that.
01:24:57.000 I love the fact that the guy's still...
01:24:59.000 Not only is he unbeaten, he's really unchallenged.
01:25:03.000 I think he's 36 now.
01:25:05.000 That's pretty unheard of.
01:25:07.000 And he looks fantastic.
01:25:08.000 And his defense is so incredible.
01:25:11.000 He's a brilliant boxer.
01:25:12.000 He's brilliant.
01:25:13.000 And he probably would have boxed the shit out of Manny Pacquiao.
01:25:16.000 Especially seeing what he did to Martinez and what Pacquiao was able to do to Martinez.
01:25:21.000 And then the difference is, Martinez and Floyd wasn't even close.
01:25:26.000 Floyd just outboxed the shit out of him.
01:25:28.000 I mean, he just couldn't get to him.
01:25:30.000 Floyd is just too good.
01:25:31.000 He's too good at positioning.
01:25:32.000 He throws amazing punches.
01:25:34.000 He recovers well, and people don't realize sometimes that, depending on how good whoever he's fighting at the time, that a lot of times he boxes gloves down because he's so quick.
01:25:47.000 He doesn't pull up his gloves for a lot of fights.
01:25:51.000 His gloves are down, and he's dipping around, playing with people.
01:25:54.000 He does that shoulder roll thing.
01:25:57.000 Where he walks towards guys with his left shoulder up high and his right glove by his face, and they don't know what to do with that.
01:26:05.000 He's so good.
01:26:06.000 His reflexes are so good.
01:26:08.000 And now that Adrian Broner guy, have you seen that kid?
01:26:11.000 That upcoming kid?
01:26:12.000 Oh my god, this kid's a monster.
01:26:13.000 He's like Floyd Mayweather, but with more punching power.
01:26:16.000 Same weight class?
01:26:18.000 I think he's 47. I'm not sure.
01:26:20.000 Or he might be 35. He's either 35 and struggling to make the weight and moving up to 40 or 47. Whatever it is.
01:26:28.000 This kid's dynamite.
01:26:30.000 He has that same style.
01:26:31.000 That high left shoulder up.
01:26:32.000 It's incredible.
01:26:33.000 There's some fucking killers out there.
01:26:35.000 No fucking lead glove for most of your...
01:26:37.000 your left glove is down.
01:26:39.000 It's crazy.
01:26:39.000 It is crazy, but they're so good at those duck and roll counter right hands, and you don't want to get clipped by that shit.
01:26:46.000 So guys are real cautious.
01:26:48.000 And he's so good at slipping jabs, so good at anticipating your movement. 0.96
01:26:53.000 The best boxers are great at leading guys into certain directions and anticipating how they respond.
01:27:00.000 A guy like Floyd Mayweather is not an impulsive guy.
01:27:04.000 He's like a guy who's going to set traps for you.
01:27:06.000 So he'll lead you in certain directions and see how you respond and then lead you in that certain direction again and see how you respond and then set you up for a time Where he's going to lead you in that certain direction and he's going to stop, bang!
01:27:18.000 He's going to catch you because you do a certain thing over and over again.
01:27:21.000 You do a certain thing with gloves and you move off the ropes and he's going to catch you.
01:27:25.000 He's going to figure it out too.
01:27:26.000 He's going to figure it out and that's another thing that Anderson Silva does.
01:27:30.000 Anderson Silva, he moves around with the guy for like the first minute or two, kind of gets a sense of how he operates, how he moves, feints him a little bit, and then starts setting him up.
01:27:40.000 Starts setting him up for death.
01:27:42.000 For death, yeah.
01:27:43.000 Setting him up for a dismantling.
01:27:44.000 Yeah, Floyd's even, his defense is so interesting and so developed that when you watch him box, sometimes you'll see him get up against the ropes.
01:27:52.000 And you're like, oh, he's up against the ropes.
01:27:56.000 This guy might take advantage of this.
01:27:57.000 And then Floyd somehow...
01:28:00.000 He pulls it into his defense.
01:28:01.000 His defense becomes his offense.
01:28:03.000 And you're like, oh no, he's fucking ripping this guy apart.
01:28:06.000 He's just too good.
01:28:06.000 He's so good at straight boxing.
01:28:09.000 It's amazing.
01:28:10.000 And he's a guy that's had a lot of hand problems, too.
01:28:13.000 That guy broke his hands several times.
01:28:15.000 So he goes for the biggest, cushioniest gloves.
01:28:18.000 And because of that, I think, because of his fragile hands, there's a lot of guys he doesn't knock out because of that very reason.
01:28:25.000 Because he's had problems with his hands over and over again.
01:28:28.000 The way he knocked out Homeboy from England.
01:28:31.000 What the fuck's his name?
01:28:32.000 Hatton?
01:28:33.000 Ricky Hatton.
01:28:33.000 Holy shit!
01:28:35.000 Yeah.
01:28:35.000 That was brilliant.
01:28:36.000 And that was when Hatton was in his prime.
01:28:38.000 Yeah.
01:28:38.000 Hatton was an animal, you know?
01:28:39.000 Yeah, it floats so fast.
01:28:40.000 He just boxed the shit out of him.
01:28:41.000 He just boxes the shit out of guys.
01:28:43.000 They just can't get to him.
01:28:44.000 You just reminded me, I'm going to be in Vegas this week.
01:28:46.000 Yo, Floyd, if you want to grab lunch, if you want to grab dinner, please bring Roger.
01:28:50.000 Yo, Floyd, he wants to be a part of Team Money, okay?
01:28:54.000 Money team all the way, man.
01:28:56.000 Big fan.
01:28:57.000 Tommy Bonds is all about Team Money.
01:29:00.000 Money team, I want to roll with you.
01:29:02.000 I need a new watch, dawg.
01:29:03.000 What is going on, man?
01:29:04.000 Cat Williams hit somebody in the head with a microphone or something?
01:29:07.000 He punched a dude in target.
01:29:09.000 He slapped that guy.
01:29:09.000 What is going on with that?
01:29:11.000 He got in a car chase with the cops.
01:29:13.000 He's working on a new hour.
01:29:13.000 Give him a fucking break.
01:29:15.000 Jesus Christ, so sensitive.
01:29:17.000 Wait, what was that?
01:29:17.000 To bring back to me, we watched this 24-7.
01:29:20.000 Was that his uncle that trains him?
01:29:22.000 Yeah, Roger.
01:29:22.000 I love that guy.
01:29:23.000 Black Mamba.
01:29:24.000 He was a former champion himself.
01:29:26.000 Roger Mayweather had a vicious right hand.
01:29:28.000 What a great family.
01:29:30.000 24-7.
01:29:31.000 Miguel Cotto is still my favorite, right?
01:29:33.000 When Cotto's like, I know Floyd is a supreme athlete, great boxer, and we have to be ready for war.
01:29:39.000 And they cut to Roger Mayweather.
01:29:41.000 He goes, I don't give a fuck about Miguel Cotto.
01:29:49.000 Well, the level of technique that Floyd has is so above and beyond everybody else he fights that he has that kind of confidence.
01:29:57.000 Miguel Cotto, especially during that fight, was a prime athlete.
01:30:01.000 Margarita was the only one that ever really fucked up Miguel Cotto when he was in his prime, like that, and stopped him.
01:30:06.000 And that was when Margarita was accused of having loaded gloves. 1.00
01:30:09.000 Because he got busted in one of his subsequent fights.
01:30:13.000 But Miguel Cotto was a badass fucking boxer.
01:30:16.000 But boxing with Floyd, he makes everybody look goofy.
01:30:22.000 They look like...
01:30:24.000 They just don't really know what he's doing.
01:30:27.000 They don't really belong in there with him.
01:30:29.000 He figured you out early enough, and now every time you step, he's popping a jab in your face, and there's no retaliation.
01:30:34.000 He's not there, and then you look stupid.
01:30:37.000 You do.
01:30:38.000 And he slowly breaks you down.
01:30:40.000 He's just so good.
01:30:42.000 He's a superb boxer, man.
01:30:45.000 Superb athlete.
01:30:46.000 But if I had a choice between watching him and Anderson Silva, I'd be like, bitch.
01:30:50.000 I would way rather watch Anderson Silva fight.
01:30:52.000 It's not even a question.
01:30:54.000 That's one of the reasons why I like MMA so much better.
01:30:56.000 I like a good fight with Floyd Mayweather.
01:30:58.000 If I found out Floyd Mayweather is going to fight Pacquiao before this last thing, then I would be super excited.
01:31:04.000 But when he's fighting...
01:31:07.000 If he's fighting somebody that I don't give a fuck about, he's just gonna box this guy up.
01:31:12.000 It'll be interesting to watch, but I can watch it on HBO next week.
01:31:15.000 Sure.
01:31:17.000 I've asked this before, but how famous is Anderson Silva in Brazil?
01:31:21.000 Oh, it's like Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson had a baby.
01:31:25.000 Really?
01:31:26.000 That famous?
01:31:27.000 It's incredible.
01:31:28.000 He's a super superstar.
01:31:30.000 They love him, man.
01:31:31.000 That's awesome.
01:31:32.000 The cheers, when he goes on into the octagon, when he steps up the stairs and walks in, they close the door behind him, they're fucking deafening.
01:31:40.000 I took my headphones off, and I said, I go to Mike Goldberg while I was talking to him on the air, I go, take your headphones off.
01:31:45.000 I go, take your headphones off and feel this.
01:31:47.000 He takes the headphones off.
01:31:48.000 He's like, we're just looking at each other like, whoa.
01:31:51.000 There's 20,000 people in Rio, and they are going fucking bananas.
01:31:56.000 And Anderson walks in and bows, and they're going, fuck.
01:31:59.000 Fucking ape shit. 0.95
01:32:00.000 That's so cool.
01:32:00.000 And then he goes out there and dismantles Stephen Bonner in a way that doesn't even seem human.
01:32:07.000 Yeah.
01:32:07.000 He did it like some fucking kung fu movie dude who just got bolted with some secret lightning power.
01:32:14.000 Right.
01:32:15.000 Like, he had superpowers, so it didn't even make any sense.
01:32:17.000 He did movie shit.
01:32:18.000 He stepped with his back up against the cage and let Stephen Bonner throw punches at him with his hands down and just ducked and moved in front of him and then threw Bonner to the ground and knocked him unconscious with a knee.
01:32:28.000 To the body.
01:32:30.000 Blasted with a knee to the body.
01:32:32.000 Boom! 0.99
01:32:32.000 He goes down in a turtle position. 0.99
01:32:34.000 Done.
01:32:35.000 The way he did it was superhuman.
01:32:39.000 It was like a guy in a movie.
01:32:40.000 If you saw a guy do that in Bourne Identity, you'd be like, bitch, nobody can do that.
01:32:43.000 Get the fuck out of here.
01:32:45.000 Put your back up against the wall.
01:32:46.000 Nobody puts their back up against the cage.
01:32:48.000 How about the best fighter in the fucking world does that?
01:32:50.000 The best guy ever.
01:32:52.000 Puts his back up against the case to a big giant dude like Stefan Bonner.
01:32:56.000 Who's cotton weight down from like 230 to fight at 205 and Anderson fights at 185. He still ragdolls the guy. 0.99
01:33:05.000 It's freaky.
01:33:07.000 He's freaky.
01:33:08.000 There's nobody that freaks me out when you watch the shit they can do to really high-level grown fighters.
01:33:16.000 No one freaks me out like Anderson.
01:33:18.000 It's like you're watching a rare master.
01:33:22.000 You're going to get a chance to talk about this when you get old.
01:33:26.000 There's people that talk about when they saw a Joe Louis fight.
01:33:30.000 That's all well and good.
01:33:31.000 Anderson Silva would have fucked up Joe Louis.
01:33:34.000 Listen to me.
01:33:35.000 I don't get what anybody says.
01:33:36.000 Anderson Silva in an MMA fight would fuck Joe Louis up.
01:33:40.000 You're watching something crazy.
01:33:42.000 You're watching the baddest fighter that's ever walked the face of the planet.
01:33:45.000 The shit he does to guys, even really good guys, is shocking.
01:33:50.000 Do you think he could beat Jean-Claude Van Damme?
01:33:52.000 I don't know, man.
01:33:53.000 It depends on which movie it is.
01:33:55.000 You know, if it's like one of Jean-Claude Van Damme's, like one of his signature movies.
01:34:01.000 Bloodsport?
01:34:01.000 You know, if it's like a Bloodsport 2, Van Damme has a heart that you will never be able to appreciate.
01:34:08.000 My heart.
01:34:09.000 Have you ever seen him cry in his reality show?
01:34:12.000 It's amazing.
01:34:12.000 Yeah, I did see that.
01:34:13.000 He has a show I didn't even know.
01:34:14.000 He used to, right?
01:34:15.000 Or Steven Seagal.
01:34:16.000 I remember him.
01:34:17.000 He is awesome.
01:34:18.000 He's awesome.
01:34:19.000 Steven Seagal.
01:34:20.000 He's awesome in a totally different way.
01:34:21.000 Steven Seagal is awesome as well.
01:34:23.000 But Jean-Claude Van Damme is awesome in a completely different way.
01:34:27.000 What was the movie that he came out with a year or two ago?
01:34:30.000 What was the movie he came out with that was about...
01:34:33.000 What, do you think I'm crazy?
01:34:34.000 You think I know what movies he's doing?
01:34:35.000 No, no, no.
01:34:36.000 This one was actually good.
01:34:37.000 Where he played...
01:34:38.000 Oh, JCVD. Yeah, he played himself.
01:34:40.000 I have that on Blu-ray.
01:34:42.000 I like that.
01:34:43.000 I'm a fan!
01:34:46.000 I never said I wasn't a fan.
01:34:47.000 I love Jean-Claude Van Damme.
01:34:49.000 He's still crazy.
01:34:52.000 He has a reality show.
01:34:55.000 I've only seen the videos on the internet, but you can readily get them on the internet.
01:35:00.000 Wonderful.
01:35:01.000 He's crazy.
01:35:02.000 And he keeps talking about, I'm going to have this fight.
01:35:06.000 I'm going to have to fight one more time for the children.
01:35:09.000 He has these crazy ideas.
01:35:11.000 They say, Jean-Claude, you did a lot of cocaine, and a lot of other things.
01:35:18.000 I'm not happy about those other things, but I'm going to make it up with this fight, and I'm going to win by knockout!
01:35:23.000 And it's like so crazy and over the top.
01:35:26.000 Like he's acting.
01:35:27.000 It's like this strange hybrid between a reality show and a movie.
01:35:33.000 And what he's doing is really strange because he's saying he's going to have a fight.
01:35:37.000 And he's got this guy that he keeps dragging around with him that he's saying he's having.
01:35:41.000 But the problem is he's been doing this for like four years.
01:35:44.000 So this guy, for these four years, he's been saying he's going to fight.
01:35:48.000 And they pose for stare downs.
01:35:51.000 For years!
01:35:51.000 For years, man.
01:35:52.000 I mean, for fucking years.
01:35:53.000 That's weird.
01:35:54.000 It's still going on.
01:35:56.000 And he's still like, well, you know, I'm going to have this fight and I'm going to do it for the children and to show them you can bounce back from all of this bullshit and this cocaine.
01:36:06.000 And it's fucking wonderful.
01:36:09.000 Can we do that?
01:36:10.000 We have to watch this.
01:36:11.000 That might be it.
01:36:13.000 That might be one of them.
01:36:14.000 There's a lot of them.
01:36:15.000 He's got a lot of them.
01:36:16.000 Can I do...
01:36:17.000 But generally, he seems like a really nice guy.
01:36:19.000 He does.
01:36:19.000 He seems like real friendly.
01:36:21.000 He doesn't seem like he's trying to be a hard ass.
01:36:23.000 Even when he's saying he's going to knock the guy out, you're like, aw, come on, give me a hug.
01:36:27.000 Come on.
01:36:27.000 Get over here and give me a hug.
01:36:28.000 By the way...
01:36:29.000 You don't need cocaine, man.
01:36:31.000 You need to stop.
01:36:32.000 You know that you said it's like a weird hybrid between reality and...
01:36:36.000 I think that's the new and next step that's going to really develop for television is shows like Duck Hunters, Duck Dynasty, where it's that family and they go, this is a reality show, but it's clearly produced too well.
01:36:54.000 These are real people.
01:36:57.000 They're not actors.
01:36:59.000 But all the moments are too well-constructed.
01:37:02.000 Produced moments.
01:37:02.000 The wife comes in right at the moment when the guys are fucking cutting a hole in the ceiling and she's like, what are you assholes doing?
01:37:08.000 It's so weird.
01:37:09.000 It's in Louisiana.
01:37:10.000 It's Louisiana.
01:37:11.000 You done lost your redneck. 0.99
01:37:13.000 I ain't lost my redneck.
01:37:15.000 Oh man, you done lost your redneck. 0.98
01:37:17.000 It's a funny show.
01:37:18.000 I'll show you I ain't lost my redneck.
01:37:20.000 Yeah.
01:37:21.000 You're dating all these, what do they call them, yuppie girls that don't eat frog legs. 1.00
01:37:26.000 I love that old guy.
01:37:27.000 The patriarch's great in that.
01:37:28.000 It's so full of shit, though.
01:37:30.000 It's full of shit.
01:37:31.000 Have you seen Swamp People?
01:37:32.000 No!
01:37:33.000 Okay, Swamp People is just, they should call that show Alligator Assassins, okay?
01:37:38.000 Because it's just a bunch of motherfuckers that live in Florida and kill alligators. 1.00
01:37:42.000 And they kill a fuckload of alligators, okay?
01:37:46.000 They kill like 500 of them a season. 0.90
01:37:49.000 I went to high school with a few of those guys.
01:37:50.000 I think I remember them.
01:37:52.000 Dude, they kill a lot of alligators. 1.00
01:37:54.000 It's really freaky to think there's that many goddamn alligators out there.
01:37:57.000 And you know what's really freaky?
01:37:58.000 A lot of people might not like this, but if they weren't killing those alligators, those alligators would fuck and make more alligators. 1.00
01:38:04.000 And if you think of how many fucking alligators they're killing, do you know what kind of an infestation of alligators we must have in this country?
01:38:11.000 I know, right?
01:38:12.000 Jesus Christ!
01:38:13.000 They're killing hundreds and hundreds of them.
01:38:15.000 And in Florida?
01:38:16.000 Holy shit.
01:38:17.000 It's out of control.
01:38:18.000 Yeah, they have to.
01:38:18.000 They still end up in people's backyards all the time, man.
01:38:21.000 All the time.
01:38:22.000 When I lived in Gainesville, they were protected.
01:38:24.000 You couldn't kill them.
01:38:25.000 Really?
01:38:26.000 Yeah, when I was a kid, I lived in Florida.
01:38:28.000 I didn't know that.
01:38:29.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:38:29.000 I lived in Gainesville for two years.
01:38:32.000 My dad was going to the University of Florida.
01:38:34.000 And we used to go to Lake Alice.
01:38:37.000 There's this little lake there.
01:38:38.000 And we used to feed the alligators marshmallows.
01:38:42.000 Get out! 0.98
01:38:42.000 Yeah, you'd flip, throw the marshmallows in the water. 0.98
01:38:45.000 That's so crazy.
01:38:45.000 You'd be like, whoa, these are crazy monsters.
01:38:46.000 We're feeding these monsters.
01:38:47.000 But they didn't really fuck with people too much.
01:38:49.000 They occasionally would get a dog.
01:38:51.000 Like if someone, they walked their dog too close to the water, didn't see the alligator.
01:38:56.000 Alligators can't help themselves. 0.99
01:38:57.000 But I guess they would feed them or something.
01:38:59.000 I don't know.
01:38:59.000 I don't know what the fuck they did.
01:39:00.000 They must have done something to keep them happy if they were around people.
01:39:04.000 But apparently it got to a certain point where there was just so many fucking alligators they had to do something about it.
01:39:08.000 Oh, yeah.
01:39:09.000 I mean, I used to see...
01:39:10.000 I went to high school in Florida and, you know, you would see them golf courses, you'd see people's backyards.
01:39:16.000 There were a lot of people at pools in Florida.
01:39:17.000 How often do they kill people, alligators?
01:39:19.000 I don't think it happens that often.
01:39:20.000 I don't think it happens that often.
01:39:22.000 But, I mean, I'm sure there's statistics on it, but I don't remember a lot of...
01:39:26.000 Like one a year maybe?
01:39:26.000 Maybe one of those kind of things, yeah.
01:39:28.000 I know people lose, you know, limbs and people go to get their golf ball and they go into the little pond or the lake and you can lose a hand.
01:39:36.000 Yeah, I think you gotta be fucking with them.
01:39:38.000 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 0.84
01:39:38.000 I think you let that ball go. 0.84
01:39:40.000 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 0.99
01:39:42.000 Get a new tidalist.
01:39:43.000 Jesus Christ.
01:39:44.000 Leave it in the water.
01:39:45.000 Yeah, absolutely.
01:39:46.000 It's so terrifying, man.
01:39:47.000 But I don't think they like human flesh.
01:39:49.000 That's not their first.
01:39:50.000 No.
01:39:51.000 I know because in Crocodile, like when I was on road rolls with a crocodile.
01:39:53.000 They eat shit.
01:39:53.000 They'll eat a bag of shit.
01:39:54.000 They will.
01:39:55.000 They would eat people, they just haven't.
01:39:58.000 License plates and tires and shit.
01:39:59.000 But it's not their preference.
01:40:01.000 When we were on road rules in Australia, we went to a crocodile farm, and the guy that owned it was explaining how they don't really want to eat us.
01:40:08.000 But if they're hungry and there's nothing else, that's when they'll fuck with you.
01:40:12.000 If you're down by the fucking swamp and you're like, oh, hey.
01:40:15.000 What are you doing here?
01:40:16.000 And then it'll grab you and death roll you.
01:40:17.000 But I think that the only reason why they don't do it is because they don't recognize us as a food source.
01:40:22.000 As a delicious meal.
01:40:23.000 Because they don't usually eat us.
01:40:25.000 But once they recognize us as a food source, that's when it becomes a real problem.
01:40:28.000 There was one they killed in the Philippines recently.
01:40:31.000 It was a fucking huge, huge saltwater crocodile.
01:40:35.000 And it had killed a bunch of villagers.
01:40:37.000 They knew that there was this one giant crocodile.
01:40:39.000 It was more than 20 fucking feet long.
01:40:42.000 And it was killing people.
01:40:43.000 So they had to go after it and go get it.
01:40:45.000 And there was that one that was killing a bunch of people, wasn't it, in Canada?
01:40:48.000 One that the movie is based on.
01:40:50.000 In Canada?
01:40:51.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:40:51.000 A crocodile in Canada?
01:40:53.000 No, some lake.
01:40:54.000 Some northern sitting lake.
01:40:56.000 Really?
01:40:57.000 Not a croc, maybe a gator.
01:40:59.000 Right, that's what the movie's about.
01:41:00.000 What movie is it?
01:41:01.000 Oh shit, I remember what you're talking about.
01:41:03.000 Not Lake Michigan.
01:41:04.000 Remember the movie Lake Michigan?
01:41:07.000 Was it Placid?
01:41:08.000 Lake Placid?
01:41:09.000 Lake Placid, the movie?
01:41:11.000 That's based on a real story.
01:41:13.000 Get the fuck up.
01:41:14.000 I swear to God.
01:41:14.000 Get the fuck up.
01:41:15.000 I think I met one of the writers on that who told me that.
01:41:18.000 What?
01:41:19.000 I'm pretty sure, man.
01:41:20.000 I might be wrong on the location, but I know it's based on a real murdering gator.
01:41:27.000 What?
01:41:28.000 A murdering gator?
01:41:29.000 I think so.
01:41:30.000 Is that right?
01:41:31.000 Maybe, man.
01:41:32.000 What's the true story of Lake Placid's alligator?
01:41:36.000 Let's go to Wiki Answers.
01:41:38.000 How beautiful is this day and age?
01:41:40.000 You can just do that.
01:41:42.000 Remember when you used to have Encyclopedia Britannica?
01:41:44.000 That shit was wack as fuck.
01:41:45.000 I know.
01:41:46.000 The story is based off the 1943 mysterious disappearances of ten teenagers while playing one night on Lake Placid.
01:41:55.000 Okay, so it's just a rumor.
01:41:58.000 Okay, so the movie just adds the gator concept to it or something?
01:42:03.000 Well, apparently it became a legend because it happened in 1943, and so people would talk about it, and so the movie is based on this actual monster, and it's sort of a tiny treat.
01:42:13.000 See, guys?
01:42:13.000 It's a factual story.
01:42:14.000 Tom's right, guys.
01:42:15.000 Tom's right.
01:42:15.000 Don't send me your tweets or your emails about how I'm wrong.
01:42:18.000 I'm right.
01:42:19.000 We just read it on the Internet.
01:42:20.000 Basically, it's in what you said cannot be argued.
01:42:23.000 There you go.
01:42:25.000 Yeah, that's a dumbass movie.
01:42:28.000 Fucking alligator off of Michigan.
01:42:30.000 That alligator would be freezing his dick off.
01:42:32.000 It's in New York, right?
01:42:34.000 Is it?
01:42:35.000 Is that where it took place?
01:42:36.000 Is that where it took place?
01:42:36.000 30 foot long man-eating crocodile which terrorizes the fictitional location of Black Lake, Maine.
01:42:45.000 Oh, that's even more ridiculous.
01:42:47.000 Maine is only, like, thawed out for like a month, a year.
01:42:49.000 Maine is cold as fuck.
01:42:51.000 Maine, there you go.
01:42:51.000 So I wasn't that far off when I said Canada, right?
01:42:54.000 New York State's pretty close.
01:42:55.000 Canada's close to Maine.
01:42:56.000 Sure, there you go.
01:42:57.000 You were in that box.
01:42:57.000 True story.
01:42:58.000 Yeah.
01:42:58.000 There you go.
01:42:59.000 Write it down.
01:43:00.000 That's a...
01:43:01.000 Winter gators.
01:43:03.000 If you think about a perfect nightmare that's chasing after you, it's a giant reptile, right?
01:43:09.000 Oh, yeah.
01:43:09.000 Because they're so emotionless and cunty.
01:43:13.000 They don't give a fuck.
01:43:15.000 It's a dinosaur, right?
01:43:16.000 It's just an extension of a T-Rex chasing you.
01:43:20.000 It's an animal that has virtually not changed for 200 million years.
01:43:24.000 They existed in this form 200 million years ago.
01:43:27.000 What the fuck, man?
01:43:29.000 So strong.
01:43:29.000 They're all muscle, muscle, muscle.
01:43:31.000 Ugh.
01:43:32.000 And they're just like the cleaning systems of ecosystems. 0.97
01:43:36.000 Yeah, right.
01:43:37.000 They're the cleaners. 1.00
01:43:38.000 They come in, anything that's limping, you're done, son.
01:43:40.000 You're done.
01:43:41.000 Anything that's jacked, anything that goes and tries to get water out of the wrong spot, slam, keep the population down.
01:43:49.000 Boom! 0.99
01:43:50.000 Are you trying to cross this river?
01:43:51.000 Not!
01:43:52.000 Snap! 0.99
01:43:53.000 Have you ever seen those river crossings with those Nile crocodiles?
01:43:57.000 Step up and just huge dinosaur jaws clamp down on wildebeest and drag them underwater.
01:44:03.000 You're like, what is going on here?
01:44:05.000 This is a system that's set up.
01:44:07.000 A life system.
01:44:08.000 Life and death.
01:44:09.000 There's a population control mechanism in effect.
01:44:12.000 Big cats and alligators.
01:44:14.000 I mean crocodiles.
01:44:16.000 Is it any coincidence that that's the place where there's the most gazelles?
01:44:18.000 Oh yeah.
01:44:19.000 Those fucking things are running around everywhere.
01:44:21.000 Everything's running around everywhere.
01:44:23.000 Wildebeests and all these things.
01:44:24.000 Just giant things trying to eat them and keep their populations down. 0.81
01:44:28.000 The footage of that is always the same.
01:44:31.000 If you watch those Nat Geo shows, there'll be like these 50 gazelles crossing the river and you're like, huh.
01:44:38.000 I wonder...
01:44:40.000 And then like three seconds go by and you're like, oh, there's one that's not with the pack.
01:44:44.000 I think we should watch him for a second.
01:44:46.000 And then you watch him kind of limp in, tentatively cross the creek.
01:44:50.000 And that croc comes up and is like, game fucking over.
01:44:54.000 They're such machines.
01:44:56.000 They're so terrifying.
01:44:57.000 And they can be under that water for hours.
01:44:59.000 They don't have to breathe for hours.
01:45:01.000 So they sit under the water waiting for someone to come by.
01:45:04.000 And then the water's all fucking murky and shit.
01:45:07.000 You can't see that big dinosaur waiting there to eat babies. 0.98
01:45:12.000 That monster.
01:45:13.000 And how perfectly designed is he?
01:45:15.000 Oh, God!
01:45:16.000 When you see footage of his eyes just out of the water, so it's just up like just over the water, you're like, oh, shit.
01:45:22.000 Horrific, horrific monster.
01:45:24.000 I remember, okay, this is gonna sound really lame, but on road rules, I had to, um, we had to put a bag over a crocodile's head.
01:45:32.000 Oh my god.
01:45:32.000 So you have to, first you have to clamp its jaws shut, and then duct tape it, and then you put a bag on its head, and then you step, you sit on it.
01:45:39.000 You have to sit on it to hold it still, and that's how we would transport it, like, for one of the missions.
01:45:44.000 That's hilarious.
01:45:45.000 So this guy Keefla on the show, he had a pole and he was trying to rope the crocodile's neck and the crocodile went into a death roll.
01:45:52.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:45:53.000 And his shirt got caught in the pole and started to twist around his arm and it was cutting off a circulation.
01:45:59.000 Oh my God.
01:45:59.000 And everybody was like, holy fuck!
01:46:01.000 Like when that really happens on a reality show, like you don't know what to do.
01:46:04.000 So he was just screaming, cut the shirt!
01:46:06.000 Cut the shirt! 1.00
01:46:07.000 Cut the fucking shirt!
01:46:09.000 And I'm like, there's no scissors in the outback.
01:46:11.000 Somebody had to rummage through their sound kit or whatever.
01:46:14.000 And this thing was still spinning?
01:46:15.000 Spinning, spinning.
01:46:16.000 How big is this alligator?
01:46:17.000 It was medium-sized, 10 to 15 feet long, like a teenager.
01:46:23.000 Was its teeth clamped down on his shirt?
01:46:26.000 Yeah, so you clamp the jaws shut and then somebody duct tapes the jaws together.
01:46:31.000 And somehow or another got a hold of the teeth.
01:46:33.000 So no, so the next part is you have to put something around its neck.
01:46:36.000 And so Kefla was using a pole with a rope at the end of it.
01:46:40.000 Like a loop rope.
01:46:41.000 So they loop it that way.
01:46:42.000 Right, right, right.
01:46:43.000 So he did it and somehow this crocodile like got latched onto maybe in his jaw.
01:46:48.000 The rope.
01:46:48.000 The rope.
01:46:49.000 And he just started death rolling.
01:46:51.000 Oh, wow.
01:46:51.000 So it got the pole cottage shirt on his sleeve and then tightened the sleeve.
01:46:56.000 So we had to cut the shirt off of him.
01:46:58.000 Jesus Christ.
01:47:00.000 You gotta wear a spandex when you're fucking with crocodiles.
01:47:02.000 This is very important.
01:47:03.000 You'd be all tucked up and ready to sprint.
01:47:06.000 You need cleats as well.
01:47:09.000 You don't want to be slipping.
01:47:10.000 No, dude.
01:47:11.000 Jesus Christ.
01:47:12.000 Dangerous.
01:47:13.000 They found Nile crocodiles in Florida.
01:47:14.000 Have you heard that?
01:47:15.000 No.
01:47:16.000 They have a shoot to kill order on Nile crocodiles in Florida.
01:47:19.000 They spotted a couple of them.
01:47:20.000 So people transported in Nile Crocodiles.
01:47:23.000 Jesus.
01:47:24.000 You assholes.
01:47:27.000 That was probably some dude who was trying to guard his cocaine.
01:47:29.000 I know what I'm going to do.
01:47:31.000 I'm going to have a fucking mole with Nile Crocodiles.
01:47:34.000 Those big ones, 28 foot long.
01:47:36.000 Eat a motherfucking wheel with a BC one bite. 1.00
01:47:39.000 You're going to fuck with my cocaine.
01:47:41.000 Some Colombian definitely. 0.97
01:47:42.000 That's right.
01:47:43.000 Yeah, that was.
01:47:44.000 Well, didn't those dudes back in the Miami Vice days, didn't those dudes have leopards in their backyard?
01:47:50.000 Rico and Tubbs, right?
01:47:52.000 Yeah, those guys too.
01:47:54.000 He had a crocodile in his boat!
01:47:57.000 Yes, that's what I'm saying.
01:47:58.000 Or an alligator, some sort of big lizard.
01:48:00.000 He did, dude.
01:48:01.000 It was on his boat.
01:48:02.000 That's right.
01:48:03.000 It was chained up on his boat.
01:48:05.000 That's what I'm talking about.
01:48:06.000 That was the doucheous era.
01:48:08.000 I got a panther and I got a crocodile.
01:48:10.000 That was the douchiest era in all of humanity.
01:48:13.000 The 80s cocaine days of Miami is the douchiest era of all time.
01:48:17.000 Everybody wanted to have a pet tiger.
01:48:19.000 You go over to this guy's house.
01:48:21.000 He's got fucking peacocks walking on his front lawn.
01:48:23.000 You're like, what's happening here?
01:48:25.000 It's all my shit.
01:48:26.000 This is my python collection.
01:48:28.000 What we do is we grow them to about 10 feet long.
01:48:30.000 I just take them out of the Everglades.
01:48:32.000 You can't control them after they're 10 feet long.
01:48:34.000 I just get a new one and start from scratch.
01:48:36.000 Retrain them.
01:48:37.000 Just releasing pythons.
01:48:39.000 They fucking have pythons out there that are 20 feet long.
01:48:43.000 It's the same dude who has grenades.
01:48:45.000 I got a hundred grenades in the living room.
01:48:47.000 I got rocket launchers under my couch, but I don't tend to use them.
01:48:52.000 Why do you have that, man?
01:48:53.000 If you want to blow through a wall, there's a wall in your way.
01:48:57.000 That's why I got a puma in my weight room.
01:49:00.000 Yeah, I got a puma that I keep there for inspiration.
01:49:03.000 Sometimes I don't feed him.
01:49:04.000 He get real hungry.
01:49:04.000 I'll be lifting weights right next to him.
01:49:08.000 I got some wolf colors.
01:49:09.000 Motivation.
01:49:09.000 It's just the fact that he eyeballing me knowing that I look delicious and nutritious and he's starving to death and make me do more squats.
01:49:17.000 Make me do more squats.
01:49:19.000 I got paper plates with diamonds on them and shit.
01:49:21.000 Well, it's not shit in New York City.
01:49:22.000 I saw a reality show where someone, they'll buy like baby crocodiles and shit and keep them in the bathtub. 0.99
01:49:27.000 Yeah, well, people do that.
01:49:28.000 There was a guy who got...
01:49:30.000 Cool guy.
01:49:30.000 I think it was...
01:49:31.000 Keep doing that.
01:49:32.000 I think it was either Brooklyn or the Bronx, but he got mauled by a tiger that he had as a pet in an apartment.
01:49:37.000 Tommy's got a joke about that.
01:49:39.000 Oh, you do?
01:49:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:49:40.000 Well, I don't want to give up your bits.
01:49:42.000 No, man.
01:49:42.000 No, it's just funny.
01:49:43.000 It's an old one.
01:49:44.000 Oh, it's an old joke?
01:49:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:49:46.000 How does it go?
01:49:47.000 Come on, hit it, buddy.
01:49:49.000 I'll do it if you tell me the words.
01:49:52.000 I talk about another guy.
01:49:54.000 I'll do it.
01:49:55.000 I talk about the guy, what's it called, that had the animals at his house and he released them.
01:50:02.000 You know, remember?
01:50:03.000 Oh, the guy in Ohio, yeah.
01:50:05.000 I have a bit about that.
01:50:06.000 It's on my new album.
01:50:06.000 He killed himself, right?
01:50:07.000 I'm not plugging it or anything.
01:50:08.000 Didn't he kill himself?
01:50:09.000 Yeah, he did.
01:50:09.000 He killed them.
01:50:11.000 Well, he cut up.
01:50:12.000 He released them all.
01:50:13.000 And then I believe he cut up some chickens and poured the blood all over himself.
01:50:19.000 With dead animals on him.
01:50:20.000 And then he had lions and shit that he released, so he got fucked up by everything.
01:50:25.000 I think he might have been dead before they got to him, but they eventually, animals were pulling his dead body apart.
01:50:32.000 That's a crazy way to go out.
01:50:33.000 I've never heard that before.
01:50:34.000 Whoa, that's a dude who really loves animals.
01:50:37.000 Yeah, right?
01:50:38.000 Part of the ecosystem.
01:50:39.000 What a silly fuck.
01:50:41.000 Well, you know, the whole zoo life is really a...
01:50:45.000 It's a crazy torture that we do so that we can look at animals in real life.
01:50:49.000 Because they don't even allow them to live a natural life while in captivity.
01:50:53.000 It's one thing if we had them in an ecosystem that was similar to their own, so we put them in these containment areas and then we let loose antelopes or whatever the fuck it is that they get to run and chase down and kill.
01:51:03.000 If that was the case, I think that that would at least be a rewarding life for these cats.
01:51:09.000 When you keep pushing that meat out to them and they don't get any sort of chase reward thing going on, We see, like, they play with each other.
01:51:17.000 Like, they want to chase things.
01:51:18.000 Like, it's a part of the whole dynamics of their organism.
01:51:21.000 Like, they're designed to chase and kill shit.
01:51:24.000 They're designed to kill all the limpid shit. 0.97
01:51:27.000 And so you put them in this cage, just, like, jolting their brain.
01:51:31.000 Like, they never get a chance to express what they were put on Earth to do.
01:51:35.000 It sounds fucked up.
01:51:36.000 It's depressing.
01:51:37.000 But what are you going to do?
01:51:38.000 Are you going to stop the gazelles from breeding and you're going to control the gazelle?
01:51:42.000 Put a few fucking gazelles in the cage with them. 1.00
01:51:44.000 Okay?
01:51:45.000 Just let them in there.
01:51:46.000 Yeah, and then invite me to watch it.
01:51:47.000 I'll pay extra.
01:51:49.000 Definitely.
01:51:49.000 Here's the key.
01:51:50.000 What's the difference, goddammit, between the meat that you're giving them?
01:51:52.000 Because you're giving them meat.
01:51:54.000 Someone's killing an animal and someone's giving him that meat.
01:51:56.000 Why can't he do that?
01:51:58.000 Because you know he wants to.
01:51:59.000 Yeah.
01:52:00.000 Someone else is killing it.
01:52:01.000 It's not like you're saving an animal.
01:52:03.000 Someone else is killing a fucking animal, and you're cutting it up, and then you're sliding it under the track.
01:52:08.000 Why not just let a cow loose and let them go? 1.00
01:52:11.000 And talk about driving up revenue, because if they were like, hey, it's an extra 70 to watch, I'd be like, here you go.
01:52:20.000 You know, that's what they do in Asia.
01:52:22.000 In Asia, when they feed tigers, they release goats.
01:52:25.000 Brian, Brian, pull one of those videos up.
01:52:27.000 You ready to freak the fuck out?
01:52:29.000 Yes, yes.
01:52:30.000 This is like a common theme, apparently, in Asia.
01:52:33.000 When they have tigers, they just have this big dump truck, and they have the dump truck with a couple of fucking goats in it, and they...
01:52:42.000 And the goat doesn't know what the fuck is going on.
01:52:44.000 But the tigers do.
01:52:46.000 You know what?
01:52:46.000 Because a new goat gets dropped off like that every day.
01:52:49.000 So the tigers stand there and stare while this thing backs up and beeps.
01:52:53.000 And they just wait.
01:52:54.000 And they get real close to it.
01:52:55.000 And as soon as this thing opens, the goat dumps out.
01:52:58.000 And boom! 0.98
01:52:58.000 They jump on it. 0.98
01:52:59.000 Three, four of them at a time.
01:53:00.000 Rip it apart into shreds in a matter of seconds.
01:53:03.000 And they run away.
01:53:04.000 One's got a head.
01:53:06.000 One's got a leg.
01:53:07.000 I love this.
01:53:08.000 Do you find any?
01:53:09.000 That's what they're supposed to do.
01:53:11.000 Wait till you see this shit, because this is a weird thing to see.
01:53:14.000 But this is what they want to do, okay?
01:53:16.000 I mean, if you're going to kill that goat anyway, if you're going to feed them goat, why wouldn't you do that?
01:53:21.000 Because then at least, I mean, it's still fucked up that you've got them contained like that, but at least then they get to live a tiger's life.
01:53:30.000 I feel like the only reason we don't get that is because of some type of animal rights organizations here that don't really exist in other parts of the world.
01:53:37.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:53:38.000 I think our own lives for a lot of people are so fucking suppressive and ridiculous and restrained that we don't give a fuck about that stupid elephant.
01:53:47.000 Tough shit, bitch. 1.00
01:53:49.000 Take your cage.
01:53:50.000 I don't like my cubicle.
01:53:51.000 You don't like your cage?
01:53:52.000 Oh, here it goes.
01:53:53.000 Look at this.
01:53:54.000 They're just sitting there watching and waiting.
01:53:57.000 These are lions.
01:53:58.000 This is a different one.
01:54:00.000 Wow.
01:54:00.000 But I guess they do what lions do.
01:54:03.000 They're massive.
01:54:03.000 So they're just sitting around and they lift up this dunk truck.
01:54:07.000 They're opening the door right now and the lions are just hovering right in front of it.
01:54:12.000 Here it comes.
01:54:14.000 There's all the lions there.
01:54:15.000 This is a shitty way to go.
01:54:18.000 That beep is this guy honking his horn.
01:54:21.000 He's trying to control the lions by honking his horn.
01:54:23.000 Imagine if you're in this.
01:54:24.000 Good luck with that.
01:54:25.000 And you're hogtied.
01:54:26.000 Look, this horn ain't doing shit to these lions. 0.80
01:54:29.000 Because they know.
01:54:29.000 Here it comes.
01:54:31.000 Yeah, with the horn.
01:54:32.000 Now the guy's going to lift it up.
01:54:34.000 It's really going high now.
01:54:35.000 And the thing's going to drop out.
01:54:38.000 Why is he honking with the horn, you son of a bitch?
01:54:41.000 Maybe he's got his dick out and he's really excited.
01:54:44.000 Something's gonna die.
01:54:45.000 Hey, well, here, he pulled it out of it.
01:54:47.000 There it is.
01:54:48.000 Oh! 0.60
01:54:49.000 Oh my god, that's it.
01:54:51.000 They just latch onto it and just rip it to shreds.
01:54:55.000 Look at it, they're all playing tug-of-war.
01:54:57.000 There's like nine lines.
01:54:59.000 And another one tries to get in, and this one pawed at him.
01:55:01.000 See, that one's pawing at him. 1.00
01:55:03.000 I don't hear it crying anymore.
01:55:04.000 What happened?
01:55:07.000 Because that guy's honking.
01:55:08.000 Look at that!
01:55:10.000 God damn it!
01:55:12.000 People are screaming.
01:55:14.000 That is awesome.
01:55:19.000 I'd pay a lot to see that.
01:55:28.000 Is that a seven-year-old?
01:55:29.000 Okay, you do not want to fuck that chick. 1.00
01:55:32.000 Is that a girl or a boy?
01:55:34.000 If that's a girl, you do not want to fuck her. 1.00
01:55:35.000 If that's a boy, he needs to be monitored.
01:55:37.000 He needs to be monitored.
01:55:39.000 Look at that piece that it taught.
01:55:41.000 These are impressive, but these are lions.
01:55:43.000 If you can find tigers, Brian, see if you can find tigers, because the tiger video that I saw is way more quick.
01:55:48.000 Way more quickerer.
01:55:49.000 Way more ferocious.
01:55:52.000 But this does seem more humane, oddly, when you're feeding these wild animals.
01:55:56.000 Oh, it's totally more humane.
01:55:57.000 Allow them to be in their element, to be with your nature.
01:56:00.000 That's what they're supposed to be doing.
01:56:02.000 I think that way is ridiculous, with a slow dump truck.
01:56:06.000 But there should be a gate, and you should let a couple of them out in the morning.
01:56:10.000 What the fuck are you going to do?
01:56:12.000 I think the footage I saw from the Baghdad Zoo was like that.
01:56:15.000 Terrible way to die.
01:56:16.000 Someone's honking their horn.
01:56:17.000 And all of a sudden they're playing tug-of-war with your body, just ripping parts off your body.
01:56:21.000 With these monstrous jaws and giant white teeth that penetrate flesh and just pulling you apart literally for your sustenance, for your flesh.
01:56:31.000 What a suck world the world of the jungle is.
01:56:35.000 My God.
01:56:36.000 The world of the jungle is a motherfucker.
01:56:38.000 Mm-hmm.
01:56:38.000 Here's another one.
01:56:40.000 This guy's, again, same thing.
01:56:42.000 This time it's tigers.
01:56:44.000 Look how much bigger the tigers are than the lions.
01:56:46.000 Again, a motherfucker with a horn. 1.00
01:56:48.000 This is like sport for them.
01:56:50.000 I guess they don't want him climbing inside.
01:56:52.000 There it is.
01:56:52.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:56:53.000 Check this out.
01:56:54.000 Look at this.
01:56:56.000 Boom.
01:56:58.000 Oh, my God.
01:57:01.000 Oh my god.
01:57:03.000 Listen to that thing make noise.
01:57:06.000 Oh man, it's biting.
01:57:10.000 He's killing it now.
01:57:11.000 He's just getting a hold of the neck.
01:57:13.000 Look at that.
01:57:13.000 That's it.
01:57:14.000 He broke the neck and killed it.
01:57:15.000 Look how quick he killed that thing, man.
01:57:17.000 That's a cow. 1.00
01:57:18.000 Dude, he killed that cow instantly with his jaws.
01:57:22.000 He just took it, snapped it, and killed it.
01:57:24.000 It didn't look like it took a lot of effort.
01:57:26.000 No.
01:57:27.000 It kind of looked like he was picking up a cup to have a sip out of it.
01:57:29.000 That was a cow one. 1.00
01:57:31.000 The goat one's the most fucked up one because they just tear them apart and run away with pieces. 0.95
01:57:41.000 What a way to go for that goat. 1.00
01:57:43.000 But if you're a goat, you've got to realize this is what you're here for.
01:57:46.000 You're here to eat grass and get fucked up. 0.58
01:57:48.000 Yeah, you're not that high on the food chain.
01:57:50.000 One of these days, someone's going to find you slipping and they're going to eat your ass.
01:57:53.000 Find you slipping.
01:57:54.000 Yeah, and you guys walk.
01:57:55.000 You make a lot of noise.
01:57:56.000 Mountain lions have good ears.
01:57:58.000 They're just gonna slowly sneak up behind you bitches and someone's gonna get jacked. 1.00
01:58:01.000 Damn, I can't believe.
01:58:02.000 The odds you live in the tent are pretty small.
01:58:04.000 You gotta get out of here?
01:58:04.000 No, I can't believe how little effort that was.
01:58:07.000 So easy.
01:58:08.000 To kill a cow.
01:58:09.000 A cow! 1.00
01:58:09.000 I know. 1.00
01:58:10.000 Big ass cow! 1.00
01:58:11.000 It's huge.
01:58:11.000 Grabbed him by the neck.
01:58:12.000 Shook it.
01:58:13.000 Snapped.
01:58:13.000 Boom.
01:58:14.000 Would you rather be taken down by a lion or a crocodile?
01:58:18.000 I think you want a lion.
01:58:20.000 Because a lion is going to actually kill you.
01:58:23.000 The crocodile will just start eating you.
01:58:24.000 And they drown you too.
01:58:26.000 They'll drown you. 0.92
01:58:27.000 They'll eat your dick first. 1.00
01:58:30.000 They'll eat your dick first. 1.00
01:58:32.000 That death roll?
01:58:33.000 Those crocodiles love dick. 0.99
01:58:35.000 They'll eat your fucking delicious dick. 0.97
01:58:37.000 I think that's the thing with bears, too.
01:58:41.000 Bears, they don't kill you first. 0.57
01:58:43.000 They just eat you.
01:58:44.000 Because what you want to do is you want to get killed by a predator.
01:58:47.000 Because predators are always, if you're getting killed by something that doesn't always kill its stuff, sometimes it eats a lot of things that it finds laying around, whether it's carrion or whether it's berries or vegetables like bears.
01:59:01.000 They just eat you.
01:59:03.000 They're not concerned with killing you.
01:59:04.000 Once they have you, they have you.
01:59:06.000 They weigh 1,200 fucking pounds.
01:59:08.000 So they just start eating.
01:59:09.000 Why kill you first?
01:59:10.000 I don't care if you scream.
01:59:11.000 I'm trying to eat your dick. 0.89
01:59:12.000 And they just chew chunks of you.
01:59:15.000 They say that the Grizzly Man documentary, when that guy died.
01:59:18.000 Love it.
01:59:18.000 Amazing, right?
01:59:19.000 Love it.
01:59:20.000 Folks, if you have not watched Grizzly Man, it's one of the best unintentional comedies in the history of filmmaking.
01:59:25.000 It's what brought us together.
01:59:26.000 Is it really?
01:59:27.000 It's kind of our love story.
01:59:29.000 Tell me!
01:59:29.000 Tell me!
01:59:31.000 When we were dating, I was like, I don't know, I forget, but we were like, we gotta go to see this movie about this fucking guy that lived with bears.
01:59:40.000 I remember the news story breaking.
01:59:42.000 And we went, and we're sitting in this theater, I think it was in Pasadena at a...
01:59:47.000 A Lemley. 0.97
01:59:48.000 Lemley.
01:59:48.000 So it was more of like, it was playing in the artsy theater.
01:59:51.000 It wasn't in the major release theaters.
01:59:53.000 It was in the artsy theaters around.
01:59:54.000 And we went, and there was maybe like 50 or 60 people at it.
01:59:58.000 And...
01:59:59.000 The whole time, every beat of the movie, we're in hysterics, laughing, and the other 50 people are not.
02:00:08.000 They're all serious moviegoers that really feel for the guys.
02:00:13.000 We have tears.
02:00:15.000 Our eyes lock.
02:00:17.000 We're getting looks from people.
02:00:18.000 We're getting looks like, it's not fucking funny, man.
02:00:21.000 Yeah, he's dead.
02:00:22.000 We loved it.
02:00:23.000 Oh, it's so funny though.
02:00:25.000 It's like, it does a disservice to his life to pretend that he wasn't funny.
02:00:29.000 Yeah, I agree.
02:00:30.000 Remember the pilot?
02:00:31.000 The best line is the pilot who would drop him off and he was like, he decided he wanted to go live with bears and I thought he was retarded. 0.98
02:00:40.000 Yeah, that's right!
02:00:43.000 That guy summed up that dude's entire life.
02:00:47.000 My favorite part was when he was walking around with his camera Talking to his camera about how easy it would be if he was gay, but he's not gay. 0.90
02:00:55.000 Oh, yeah.
02:00:55.000 And he's like so obviously gay.
02:00:57.000 So obvious.
02:00:58.000 And he's walking around with his camera and he's like talking to it.
02:01:01.000 I ran into some guy who his roommate, like apparently the grizzly man was in love with his roommate.
02:01:09.000 And when his roommate didn't reciprocate, he trashed his apartment.
02:01:12.000 Apparently he was a bit of an angry fellow.
02:01:14.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:01:14.000 Like if you ever saw the video and like he's screaming and yelling into the camera.
02:01:18.000 Yeah.
02:01:18.000 He does like a bunch of different takes.
02:01:20.000 Yes.
02:01:20.000 Yes.
02:01:21.000 Fuck you! 0.99
02:01:21.000 Fuck you, Park Rangers! 0.99
02:01:23.000 The fuck are you doing for these pairs?
02:01:25.000 Okay, I worked it out.
02:01:27.000 I worked it out.
02:01:27.000 Try it again.
02:01:28.000 It's due to my time.
02:01:30.000 And he's got this really obvious sort of femme gay voice. 0.84
02:01:35.000 He's got that voice.
02:01:36.000 This unmistakable, stereotypical, cartoonish gay voice. 1.00
02:01:42.000 And so he's walking, holding up the camera, going, well, if I was gay, I could just go to a rest stop and meet a guy.
02:01:48.000 But I'm not.
02:01:49.000 Timothy Treadwell's not gay. 0.94
02:01:51.000 It's the weirdest thing.
02:01:53.000 This poor fucking guy.
02:01:54.000 He was so torn up and confused and conflicted that he just decided to go live with bears.
02:02:01.000 See if he could just get some dick. 1.00
02:02:02.000 He misread the fucking newsletter and went after real bears instead of big guys like me.
02:02:13.000 It was crazy how close he got to the animals, like where the fox became his little buddy.
02:02:17.000 And I remember when the bear poos.
02:02:19.000 He goes, look, it's so fresh.
02:02:22.000 He just came out of her butt, it's still warm.
02:02:24.000 He's like touching her shit.
02:02:26.000 Wasn't the fox called like foxy?
02:02:27.000 Mrs. Cupcake.
02:02:29.000 Yeah, the fox is foxy.
02:02:30.000 What was the thing?
02:02:31.000 Hi, Mr. Chocolate.
02:02:32.000 It also sounded so gay.
02:02:34.000 Remember when the bear approached him one time?
02:02:36.000 A bear was approaching him and he was like, fuck you, fuck you.
02:02:39.000 Or like, get away from me.
02:02:40.000 I love you.
02:02:42.000 Get the fuck away from me. 0.98
02:02:43.000 I love you.
02:02:44.000 Get the fuck away from me. 0.98
02:02:45.000 Oh, that's right.
02:02:47.000 It was the reverse.
02:02:48.000 I love you.
02:02:48.000 Get away from me.
02:02:49.000 He has to be stern with them.
02:02:51.000 Have to be stern with them.
02:02:53.000 You don't want to let them get in too close.
02:02:55.000 Apparently, the death video, where they never got a lens on it, so it's only audio, because they had the cap on, but the camera was running, is seven minutes long.
02:03:03.000 It took them seven minutes for the bear to eat them.
02:03:06.000 Oh, boy.
02:03:06.000 Yeah, it was him and his girlfriend.
02:03:08.000 Oh, right, his then-girlfriend.
02:03:09.000 The girlfriend hit the bear over the head with a frying pan, apparently, a couple times, and the bear was like, bitch? 1.00
02:03:14.000 And that was a sick bear, apparently.
02:03:17.000 It was a sick bear?
02:03:17.000 They found out, like, later on, I remember, you can look it up, that I don't remember if the bear had, like...
02:03:24.000 Some type of disease, I don't know, rabies or something, where it wasn't like a healthy, normal-functioning bear.
02:03:31.000 It was hungry.
02:03:32.000 Yeah, but it was because of something else.
02:03:35.000 That's what I read.
02:03:36.000 The problem with that is that they didn't really find much of the bear.
02:03:39.000 Because they shot the bear when they flew over and they saw that the bear had killed these people.
02:03:46.000 Because apparently a pilot saw the rib cage coming up.
02:03:50.000 That's what he saw.
02:03:51.000 And he realized that this bear was eating a person.
02:03:53.000 He saw clothes, saw a tent, saw a camp.
02:03:55.000 So he knew that the bear was eating a person.
02:03:57.000 So they got a guy, you know, one of the rangers, I guess, shot him.
02:04:02.000 And then when they went back, I think it was like a couple of months later, there was nothing left.
02:04:07.000 It was like, you know, there was just fucking a couple pieces of bones.
02:04:10.000 I thought they found them in the bear's insides.
02:04:15.000 I don't know.
02:04:15.000 They might have.
02:04:16.000 I mean, they might have processed the bear's guts once they killed him.
02:04:20.000 It's most likely.
02:04:21.000 And by no means, if you're listening, do not let this deter you from living with bears.
02:04:27.000 Go for it.
02:04:28.000 It should be fine.
02:04:30.000 I'm addicted to all these Alaska shows, man.
02:04:33.000 That's really cool.
02:04:33.000 I watch all these Last Frontier shows, like Alaska, The Last Frontier, and The Yukon Men.
02:04:39.000 That is crazy living, man.
02:04:42.000 You just went hunting somewhere up north, didn't you?
02:04:44.000 Montana.
02:04:44.000 That's pretty cool, right?
02:04:46.000 Oh, Montana's beautiful.
02:04:47.000 Montana doesn't give a fuck. 0.99
02:04:49.000 We went down the Missouri River into a place called the Badlands, and the Badlands does not give a fuck.
02:04:54.000 You might as well have gone to the moon.
02:04:56.000 Really?
02:04:56.000 Yeah, you might as well be on the moon.
02:04:58.000 There's no one there, there's no cell phone signal, you ain't got shit, you got no radio, and you are in what is the bottom of a giant ancient ocean.
02:05:06.000 It used to be the Great Western Inland Sea during the Jurassic period.
02:05:10.000 There was dinosaurs and shit roaming through that area.
02:05:13.000 So the bottom, the ground everywhere is like silt.
02:05:16.000 It's like that same slippery shit on the bottom of a lake.
02:05:19.000 So you have mountains that are covered in silt.
02:05:22.000 They had homesteads out there.
02:05:24.000 Where they gave people, like, if you lived there, you could claim a giant chunk of land, and as long as you lived on it for a certain amount of time, it would be your land.
02:05:32.000 Well, they gave these people this land, and they all left.
02:05:34.000 They all quit.
02:05:35.000 You can't grow anything on them.
02:05:37.000 It's like this crazy, silty shit, and there's deer around, but, man, you've got to fucking hunt for days sometimes to kill one.
02:05:45.000 So you're out there camping and trying to catch these deer and bringing them back to your family at a certain point in time.
02:05:49.000 Like, look, we've got to get the fuck out of here.
02:05:50.000 We're going to run out of food.
02:05:52.000 And so they all did.
02:05:53.000 They all bailed.
02:05:54.000 It's just not reliable.
02:05:55.000 And in the wintertime, it gets way too fucking cold.
02:05:58.000 It gets so cold that the river freezes.
02:06:00.000 The river freezes solid.
02:06:01.000 You gotta cut holes in it and try to get fish out of there.
02:06:04.000 Bitch! 1.00
02:06:04.000 Good luck trying to feed yourself like that. 1.00
02:06:06.000 So they all bailed.
02:06:07.000 So that's where we went hunting.
02:06:09.000 It was fascinating.
02:06:10.000 That's pretty awesome.
02:06:10.000 It was literally like going to another planet.
02:06:12.000 It was so humbling.
02:06:14.000 You know, to live outside like that for five days in that kind of environment is really, really, really humbling.
02:06:19.000 Because you start to see, first of all, how fragile you are, even just the temperature.
02:06:26.000 Like it was 12 degrees out when we were sleeping outside.
02:06:29.000 It's 12 degrees.
02:06:30.000 So you're bundled up in this sleeping bag and shit and zipped over your head and trying to squeeze yourself to make your body warm.
02:06:37.000 And it's 12 degrees.
02:06:39.000 It's 12. And nothing gives a fuck about you.
02:06:42.000 There's just a bunch of things out there eating other things.
02:06:45.000 That's all it is.
02:06:46.000 It's deer eating grass, mountain lions eating deer.
02:06:48.000 We found mountain lion shit, this big thick rope of shit with fur in it.
02:06:53.000 It's like, whoa, son.
02:06:55.000 You know, you're seeing, you know, this is the food chain.
02:06:58.000 This is this one really harsh ecosystem.
02:07:01.000 Yeah.
02:07:02.000 Well, even that survivor guy, where he goes out, he went to, like, Scotland, and just on the other side of the hill, like, there's people living, right, at the Moors or whatever, on the other side, he tries to spend the night there, where people do live, just out in the wild, and he, you know, he almost freezes his dick off.
02:07:17.000 It's fucking cold.
02:07:19.000 Is this the real survivor man, or that other guy?
02:07:22.000 No.
02:07:22.000 I don't remember which one it was.
02:07:23.000 Because that West guy, the guy who slept in hotels.
02:07:27.000 There was a guy who slept in hotels that made it seem like he wasn't?
02:07:29.000 Yeah, you didn't know that?
02:07:30.000 No.
02:07:30.000 Well, first of all, the real guy is Les Stroud.
02:07:33.000 Les Stroud is the real guy.
02:07:34.000 He goes for 10 days now.
02:07:37.000 Films it all himself.
02:07:39.000 He's the real deal.
02:07:40.000 He's legit.
02:07:40.000 But that Bear Grylls character...
02:07:42.000 That dude is apparently...
02:07:44.000 He's some military guy.
02:07:45.000 He probably is sort of a survival expert.
02:07:47.000 But when he was doing that show, he was faking a lot of shit.
02:07:50.000 Like, we just came upon a SEAL carcass.
02:07:52.000 Now we can use this for food.
02:07:53.000 Yeah, that's the guy there.
02:07:55.000 He didn't really come across a SEAL carcass.
02:07:57.000 They put that thing there.
02:08:00.000 According to Les, Les says they made Man vs.
02:08:03.000 Wild because they were always trying to get him to fake shit.
02:08:06.000 But he wouldn't fake shit.
02:08:07.000 We had him on the podcast.
02:08:09.000 He was talking about it.
02:08:09.000 Oh, cool.
02:08:10.000 I'll listen to that.
02:08:11.000 Wow.
02:08:12.000 Yeah, so he told me that that's why they got Bear Grylls to do his show.
02:08:15.000 They were like, we'll show you.
02:08:16.000 We're going to do the same show.
02:08:17.000 Do your own show, but we're faking everything.
02:08:19.000 But meanwhile, everybody found out they faked things, and nobody wants to watch it now.
02:08:22.000 Of course.
02:08:23.000 I don't want to watch some dude pretending he's sleeping in the jungle, or is he getting helicoptered into a four-star hotel in the disco at night, drinking margaritas.
02:08:32.000 He's putting back there in the morning, and he's like, oh, what a night.
02:08:35.000 Getting massaged at a spa.
02:08:36.000 He's getting his feet massaged.
02:08:39.000 Well, a night in the jungle is not pleasant.
02:08:43.000 But thankfully, I can drink my own piss to stay hydrated.
02:08:48.000 Don't drink ocean water, but drink plenty of urine.
02:08:51.000 I love that shit, though.
02:08:53.000 I love all that stuff.
02:08:54.000 I love the real shit.
02:08:55.000 I can't watch the Bear Grylls show.
02:08:57.000 As soon as I found out that they were manufacturing scenarios...
02:09:01.000 I understand what they're saying.
02:09:03.000 They're saying he's showing you how you would survive.
02:09:05.000 If you came across this.
02:09:06.000 So let's just make this happen and have him deal with it.
02:09:09.000 But he did a lot of shit that was like you would never do.
02:09:11.000 Like really dangerous, risky shit.
02:09:13.000 Like jumping off of things.
02:09:14.000 Like why is he jumping off of this?
02:09:16.000 Like sliding down the sides of mountains.
02:09:18.000 Like why are you doing it like this?
02:09:19.000 This seems dangerous.
02:09:21.000 Go sliding into an ice cave.
02:09:22.000 Like why?
02:09:23.000 There's nothing in there for you.
02:09:24.000 Don't go in that ice cave.
02:09:25.000 Stop it! 0.99
02:09:26.000 Jesus Christ, what are you doing there?
02:09:28.000 Avoid that cave! 0.99
02:09:29.000 Just a crazy asshole.
02:09:30.000 Totally.
02:09:30.000 But that's what they want you to do.
02:09:32.000 If you tried to make a Tom and Christina, your mom's house reality show, do you know how much fucking bullshit you'd have to deal with?
02:09:39.000 No.
02:09:40.000 Oh, for sure.
02:09:42.000 First of all, because you guys don't have a big enough name to carry it, just based on that, so they're going to have to promote it.
02:09:46.000 So they're going to have to say, well, you know, Tom, look, I know you're a well-known stand-up comedian.
02:09:49.000 The world will stand-up comedy, but people don't know you as an actor, okay?
02:09:52.000 So we're going to need some help with this.
02:09:54.000 You're going to need to help us along with this.
02:09:55.000 We're going to get your show going.
02:09:56.000 What do I need to do?
02:09:57.000 What's our show, Joe?
02:09:58.000 It's not all reality.
02:10:00.000 What is reality?
02:10:01.000 We're going to make some things happen and you just do your thing.
02:10:03.000 When the thing is really happening, we're just making it happen.
02:10:07.000 You're like, oh, yeah, okay, sure.
02:10:08.000 So next thing you know, you guys are in marriage counseling.
02:10:10.000 You're having a fake argument.
02:10:12.000 There's a walrus in the backyard.
02:10:14.000 How are you going to deal with it?
02:10:15.000 You lost your redneck. 0.92
02:10:17.000 I love it.
02:10:20.000 You lost your redneck. 0.92
02:10:23.000 I'd love to make that show if you're proposing.
02:10:25.000 No.
02:10:25.000 I'm telling you don't do it.
02:10:26.000 I'm trying to tell you not to sell out.
02:10:28.000 I'm selling.
02:10:29.000 If you're buying, I'm selling.
02:10:30.000 No, definitely not.
02:10:31.000 No way.
02:10:31.000 Well, that's the thing about you guys having this podcast.
02:10:33.000 Your podcast is perfect because nobody tells you what to do.
02:10:36.000 Like all podcasts.
02:10:38.000 It's the best.
02:10:38.000 They really represent what the fuck you're thinking.
02:10:42.000 Yeah, totally.
02:10:43.000 You don't lose the message in the producers or network notes or any of that shit.
02:10:49.000 Yeah, it's really what you want it to be.
02:10:51.000 And that's what's cool about the different circle of podcasts, especially ones that feel like they're sprung off from people that you're associated with, is that each is a representation of everybody's personality and who they are.
02:11:08.000 Skeptic Tank with Ari is...
02:11:10.000 It's so...
02:11:10.000 You're getting...
02:11:11.000 That's who Ari is, and that's what he wants the show to be.
02:11:13.000 Yes.
02:11:14.000 And, you know, Joey Diaz is the same way.
02:11:16.000 And then...
02:11:17.000 Church of what's happening now.
02:11:18.000 Absolutely.
02:11:19.000 And then I just did...
02:11:20.000 Duncan Trussell family.
02:11:21.000 Absolutely.
02:11:21.000 Duncan is...
02:11:22.000 That's a total Duncan experience.
02:11:24.000 And you're getting to know the guy.
02:11:26.000 And then Burt just came out with a podcast.
02:11:28.000 Yeah, Burtcast. 0.65
02:11:29.000 Burtcast.
02:11:29.000 I did the first episode.
02:11:30.000 I should say I just sat there and laughed on the first episode because it was in Burt's...
02:11:35.000 At Burt's place...
02:11:37.000 And he had Joey Diaz and his father and me in this room and Bert, as you know, he's steering the ship.
02:11:46.000 It's what he wants it to be.
02:11:47.000 Same thing.
02:11:48.000 But you just sit there listening to Diaz and Mr. Kreischer.
02:11:53.000 And it's the fucking funniest thing.
02:11:55.000 I mean, I was crying.
02:11:57.000 I was in tears.
02:11:58.000 It was so funny.
02:11:59.000 And...
02:12:01.000 What we do in your mom's house, it's exactly what we want the show to be.
02:12:05.000 That's the most fun about it.
02:12:08.000 We're so lucky right now, right?
02:12:10.000 Don't you feel that?
02:12:11.000 This is the best time to be a stand-up comic because you don't need the big networks now.
02:12:16.000 If you want to do your fucking hour, you don't need to go through Comedy Central.
02:12:19.000 If you want to talk to your audience, you can reach them directly through a podcast.
02:12:23.000 They can download it any time, a day or night.
02:12:25.000 It's the best thing.
02:12:25.000 And what's really cool about this is that people that get into a position where people are paying attention to, then they can tell you about some other cool shit.
02:12:33.000 Sort of like retweeting.
02:12:34.000 I love retweeting because people send me some really fucking cool articles and I'll retweet those and a lot of it is really interesting shit.
02:12:43.000 And there's no way you're going to accumulate all that crap on your own.
02:12:46.000 You need some help out there.
02:12:47.000 And that's one of the cool things about having a successful podcast is your podcast now has a big following.
02:12:54.000 You could tell them, hey, watch Burt Kreischer's podcast.
02:12:57.000 Listen to Burt Kreischer's podcast.
02:12:59.000 And now everybody goes, oh, awesome.
02:13:01.000 And then they go, wow, I like the way Tommy thinks.
02:13:03.000 Tommy makes me laugh.
02:13:04.000 Christina makes me laugh.
02:13:05.000 They're saying that this is a great podcast.
02:13:08.000 I'll go check it out.
02:13:09.000 And then it branches off, and they can do that, and the next person, and Ari can introduce a new one. 0.98
02:13:14.000 Absolutely.
02:13:15.000 That's the coolest thing about it.
02:13:17.000 We know so many people that are really fucking funny, but...
02:13:21.000 In this day and age, before podcasting, it was really hard to get your name out there, just as a stand-up.
02:13:29.000 You had to have some TV credits in order to be in a club, and even then, it takes a long time for people to take enough chances on you, and the word of mouth, and returning to a place over and over again.
02:13:41.000 To build up markets, that's a long, hard road.
02:13:45.000 But now all they have to do is be funny.
02:13:47.000 And podcasting, too.
02:13:49.000 This was kind of an experiment for me.
02:13:52.000 I spoke to you about it.
02:13:54.000 I also spoke to Bill Burr, Al Madrigal, about putting out an album on my own.
02:13:59.000 And you guys, I'm saying separately, all encouraged me to do that.
02:14:04.000 And I did it on my own, put it out.
02:14:07.000 But podcasting is...
02:14:09.000 The thing that got really an audience for it.
02:14:13.000 I put it out there and the whole success of doing this thing on my own where you feel kind of like you're an entrepreneur.
02:14:23.000 I'm not going to go the label route.
02:14:25.000 I'm just going to record it and I'm going to just do it on my own and putting it out there and then seeing if it works.
02:14:32.000 But seeing that the success is basically because of the audience we built from doing podcasts.
02:14:37.000 Yeah, it's a crazy connection, too.
02:14:39.000 And don't you feel kind of obligated to be in communication with these people?
02:14:43.000 Absolutely.
02:14:45.000 And keep making more content for them.
02:14:47.000 Absolutely.
02:14:48.000 And it's so cool when the stand-up now, I think the last time I saw you I was like, hey, my audience isn't there yet.
02:14:54.000 They're coming now.
02:14:55.000 And it makes such a difference when I look out and I can see that they know who I am and I recognize them and I see that we have this wonderful connection and to talk to the people after and you're like, this is awesome!
02:15:06.000 Like, this is what I've wanted for so long.
02:15:08.000 Yeah, we brought Brian on stage in Austin and they went fucking apeshit.
02:15:13.000 Brian got like a standing ovation going on stage in Austin.
02:15:17.000 And did you ever watch that interview Alex Jones did of us?
02:15:19.000 That was pretty cool.
02:15:20.000 Yeah, it was good.
02:15:21.000 It was really cool.
02:15:21.000 It was cool, yeah.
02:15:22.000 Alex Jones came back and he may or may not have gotten high.
02:15:25.000 Oh, shit.
02:15:27.000 May or may not.
02:15:29.000 I did Brian's, like, little Death Squad tour in Ohio a couple months ago, right?
02:15:32.000 A month ago?
02:15:33.000 Yeah.
02:15:33.000 And, holy shit, when you were brought on stage...
02:15:37.000 The place went fucking crazy.
02:15:38.000 It's a completely different world now because of podcasts.
02:15:42.000 You can literally make people famous in the real world.
02:15:44.000 They walk around.
02:15:47.000 It's interesting.
02:15:48.000 It's cool.
02:15:49.000 But it's like everything that comedy networks never were.
02:15:52.000 Comedy networks were never really comedians networking.
02:15:55.000 This is like a real comedy network.
02:15:57.000 Exactly.
02:15:57.000 Because all of us, it's like, you know, if I tell you, go listen to Joey Diaz's CD, and I'm crying and laughing when I tell you that, you can trust me.
02:16:06.000 Go listen to that shit. 1.00
02:16:07.000 You know what I mean?
02:16:07.000 It's like, we know what Ari's tastes are like.
02:16:11.000 We know what Duncan's tastes are like.
02:16:13.000 Yeah.
02:16:13.000 You get to know them.
02:16:14.000 It's a rare time, man.
02:16:15.000 There's never been a moment like this for entertainers.
02:16:18.000 No.
02:16:18.000 Where you can just sort of do your own thing.
02:16:19.000 You're so in connection with the audience that wants to be with you.
02:16:23.000 You're connected to them.
02:16:24.000 Before, that would take a fucking pen and a pad and a letter.
02:16:27.000 Jesus!
02:16:28.000 You know what I mean?
02:16:28.000 Yeah.
02:16:29.000 And they get to know the real you, which is an interesting facet of celebrity now, I think.
02:16:34.000 And I don't know if it...
02:16:36.000 It seems like in the past, celebrities had to have two lives.
02:16:38.000 Like, there's your public sphere and your private...
02:16:41.000 And now those two spheres are merging, and they almost have to because of this technology.
02:16:46.000 They have access to the real you.
02:16:47.000 Yeah, and it's kind of cool.
02:16:49.000 I mean, obviously there's drawbacks to that as well.
02:16:51.000 If you're a douchebag.
02:16:52.000 If you're a douchebag.
02:16:53.000 They're going to know who you really are.
02:16:54.000 Correct, yeah.
02:16:55.000 Yeah, right?
02:16:57.000 Yeah.
02:16:58.000 But I think that's ultimately where the whole world is headed.
02:17:02.000 The no secrets world.
02:17:04.000 I agree.
02:17:05.000 And no shame world.
02:17:06.000 Yeah.
02:17:06.000 Because everything...
02:17:07.000 This generation's growing up in public.
02:17:09.000 Not like we did.
02:17:11.000 There's no notion anymore of like, keep that photograph in your locker.
02:17:14.000 Like, now put the photograph on Facebook.
02:17:16.000 Everyone's going to see your titties. 0.98
02:17:18.000 Everybody's going to see everything.
02:17:20.000 Ooh-ooh! 0.70
02:17:20.000 Ooh-ooh! 0.70
02:17:23.000 See them titties.
02:17:24.000 Put them titties in my face, girl. 1.00
02:17:26.000 Yeah, it's these kids today, too.
02:17:29.000 If you stop and think about how silly you were when you were 17. Oh, my God.
02:17:32.000 Can you imagine how many pictures of your dick would be online?
02:17:34.000 Oh, my God.
02:17:35.000 There would be chapters.
02:17:39.000 There would be gigabytes of my dick.
02:17:42.000 Torrents.
02:17:42.000 There would be torrents of your dick.
02:17:44.000 My dick would be everywhere.
02:17:46.000 I would be famous for being the dumbest kid to play with my dick.
02:17:51.000 And send it in emails.
02:17:52.000 I would just upload it everywhere.
02:17:54.000 I would dick roll everybody instead of Rick roll.
02:17:57.000 I would release videos.
02:17:59.000 The video would start out with some music and then I would jump out with my dick. 0.78
02:18:04.000 And funny ones, too, though, right?
02:18:05.000 With sunglasses on your dick and your dick smoking a cigarette.
02:18:07.000 I would do whatever I could to get you to look at my dick. 1.00
02:18:08.000 If I had access to that when I was 17, anonymous access, you'd all be seeing my dick.
02:18:13.000 This is a fact.
02:18:14.000 I'd get it out there.
02:18:16.000 So great.
02:18:17.000 Absolutely.
02:18:18.000 Yeah, imagine these poor kids today.
02:18:20.000 Anything they do, someone photoshopped, makes a photoshop of them.
02:18:24.000 Just hundreds of photoshops of me with a woman's body, with a dude banging me.
02:18:28.000 There's a lot of them.
02:18:29.000 I did half of them.
02:18:35.000 Remember the real dolls I made of you?
02:18:39.000 Yeah.
02:18:39.000 That's hilarious, man.
02:18:41.000 Photoshop is amazing.
02:18:43.000 What you can do and not do.
02:18:44.000 Sometimes you have to look at a picture and go, shop!
02:18:47.000 Someone's being real subtle.
02:18:49.000 Fucking Mitt Romney's mom jeans photo.
02:18:51.000 So good.
02:18:52.000 That's Photoshop.
02:18:53.000 Yeah, it's amazing.
02:18:54.000 But you look at it and you're like, those jeans are really high on me.
02:18:58.000 You're not sure.
02:18:59.000 So high and so tight.
02:19:00.000 And they raised him up just enough to make it questionable.
02:19:03.000 It's perfect.
02:19:04.000 I did this political show for the web, for Comedy Central.
02:19:09.000 I was a writer on it that Kyle Kinane hosted earlier this year, all leading up to the election.
02:19:14.000 And the whole thing, one of the episodes, we were like, gotta use this photo of Mitt Romney.
02:19:19.000 And we had people doing research just to make sure, like, is this photoshopped?
02:19:23.000 Because it's one of those, you're like, this is so well done.
02:19:25.000 You're like, no, that's not real.
02:19:27.000 But people were like, lawyers were like, is this really real?
02:19:31.000 Lawyers.
02:19:32.000 I remember when the De La Hoya photos came out of him wearing women's clothes.
02:19:37.000 And he had experts examine them and show proof that they had been doctored.
02:19:41.000 Yeah.
02:19:42.000 And then later he came out and said, alright, this is me.
02:19:44.000 I got doing coke and dressed up like a chick. 0.93
02:19:48.000 That's great.
02:19:49.000 That's awesome.
02:19:50.000 He didn't want to come clean with that.
02:19:52.000 Yeah.
02:19:52.000 I like him even more.
02:19:53.000 Yeah.
02:19:53.000 Well, I like that he probably got that monkey off his back.
02:19:55.000 They probably fucked with him for a long time.
02:19:57.000 Plus, I'm sure...
02:19:58.000 I like panties.
02:19:58.000 What's up?
02:19:59.000 That Russian chick, if she's still alive, she probably still tortures him with that. 1.00
02:20:03.000 Oh, yeah.
02:20:03.000 He's probably scared.
02:20:04.000 One day she's going to do interviews and shit and he's not going to be able to pay her off anymore.
02:20:08.000 Let's see the ball kicking video.
02:20:09.000 Let's see that one.
02:20:11.000 Take it back home.
02:20:13.000 Yeah, what the fuck, man?
02:20:15.000 Ball kicks.
02:20:16.000 Too much.
02:20:17.000 Too much.
02:20:19.000 Poor Oscar.
02:20:20.000 Yeah.
02:20:21.000 Do you think you like to get ball kicked?
02:20:22.000 Probably.
02:20:23.000 Just like he's beating so many dudes' asses, he wanted shit to beat his ass.
02:20:26.000 Sure.
02:20:26.000 There you go.
02:20:27.000 Dressed up like a woman. 1.00
02:20:27.000 Makes sense. 1.00
02:20:27.000 You got tired of being like super macho man and just wanted to wear a dress and shit. 1.00
02:20:31.000 Well, they say the majority of dudes that are into S&M are being submissive or lawyers and high-powered people.
02:20:38.000 Mmm.
02:20:39.000 Who have to be in control in their daily lives, and then they like a good ball kicking.
02:20:43.000 That makes sense.
02:20:44.000 Yeah.
02:20:44.000 When I control everything else, I tell people what to do all the time.
02:20:47.000 Wear a diaper.
02:20:48.000 Treat me like a baby.
02:20:49.000 Throw pies at me.
02:20:51.000 Change me.
02:20:51.000 Call me Daisy.
02:20:53.000 How can we save those people, folks?
02:20:55.000 Is there anything we could do?
02:20:56.000 Do we just accept the fact that they're just a part of the spectrum of life?
02:20:59.000 I think you have to.
02:21:00.000 That or Alphabrain?
02:21:01.000 One of the two is going to work.
02:21:03.000 That's not going to help.
02:21:03.000 Alphabrain and Shroom Tech together, maybe he has a chance if he immediately starts pill sprints today.
02:21:11.000 No, they're definitely...
02:21:12.000 It definitely is part of the spectrum.
02:21:14.000 That's the crazy thing, is knowing that, like, you know, a dude...
02:21:16.000 It's all normal.
02:21:17.000 That's all on there, man.
02:21:20.000 Everybody...
02:21:20.000 Yeah, what the fuck, man?
02:21:21.000 I know.
02:21:21.000 What a wacky spectrum.
02:21:22.000 Mm-hmm.
02:21:23.000 The spectrum of human beings, you know?
02:21:24.000 And behavior, it's mind-boggling.
02:21:27.000 Some dudes like to eat people.
02:21:29.000 You know what I mean?
02:21:30.000 That's out there.
02:21:31.000 That guy that killed his gay lover recently and chopped up his ass on camera and was eating chunks of his ass.
02:21:38.000 On camera!
02:21:39.000 If he only had battle ropes.
02:21:41.000 Yeah, if that guy on the bottom has some jiu-jitsu, maybe he'll follow the position.
02:21:46.000 And get to the top, the mount, take the knife away from him.
02:21:49.000 Okay, now you're doing better.
02:21:54.000 What a shitty way to die.
02:21:56.000 Guy kills you, fucks you, and then eats your ass on TV. He's slicing it up.
02:22:00.000 That is a bad way.
02:22:02.000 Christ.
02:22:02.000 What the fuck is with people wanting to eat people?
02:22:05.000 What are you proving?
02:22:06.000 I would try it, though.
02:22:07.000 I'd taste it.
02:22:08.000 If you were dying of starvation?
02:22:10.000 Yes.
02:22:11.000 What race do you think would be the most delicious? 0.86
02:22:13.000 Okay, let's talk about this.
02:22:15.000 She thought about it.
02:22:16.000 Well, let's see.
02:22:17.000 Okay, because I know in sushi I like fatty tuna the most because it's a nice fatty piece.
02:22:22.000 So white people right now are pretty fatty. 0.82
02:22:24.000 White Americans. 0.51
02:22:25.000 I'm going to go corn-fed Iowa woman in the airport that looks like Sam Kinison, fat lady. 1.00
02:22:32.000 I think that would be good, but the fattiness would be more like a pork, I think.
02:22:43.000 It's like pork belly.
02:22:44.000 Yeah, I don't think it'd be like tuna at all.
02:22:46.000 Like not the fatty tuna?
02:22:47.000 Well, even when tunas are slightly fatty, like the bottom area, that's lean as fuck compared to almost every other organism on the planet.
02:22:54.000 Still pretty muscular.
02:22:55.000 Yeah, you want to look at a human?
02:22:56.000 Humans are gross.
02:22:57.000 A pork rind?
02:22:59.000 I like pork rinds.
02:23:00.000 Yeah.
02:23:01.000 No, more like a roast.
02:23:02.000 Okay.
02:23:03.000 Like a fat, sloppy pork roast where the meat's just falling off because it's all made out of Cheetos and shit.
02:23:08.000 Yeah.
02:23:09.000 The only nutrition that's had is soda.
02:23:12.000 I'll take a kind of fat black eye, you know?
02:23:15.000 Oh.
02:23:16.000 Exotic.
02:23:16.000 With black beans and rice.
02:23:18.000 Exotic.
02:23:18.000 Perhaps some hot sauce.
02:23:19.000 I think, you know, the black eyes are pretty, like, naturally muscular, so I take one that's kind of fat, so I get a nice mixture of, like, it's like a ribeye.
02:23:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:23:27.000 I get marbled.
02:23:28.000 Marbled.
02:23:28.000 Marbled, but not crazy.
02:23:29.000 Right.
02:23:29.000 Yeah, and probably it's the darker meat too.
02:23:31.000 It's probably more nutritious.
02:23:32.000 I'd go Indian because it's already seasoned.
02:23:36.000 That's a good point.
02:23:37.000 That's a very good point.
02:23:38.000 But not a lot of meat on those.
02:23:39.000 Not a lot of meat on their own.
02:23:41.000 With all that curry, they say that pineapple flavors your loads.
02:23:44.000 I'm sure curry would flavor your rump.
02:23:46.000 That's right.
02:23:47.000 Let's do it.
02:23:47.000 Curry and armpit.
02:23:48.000 Yeah, you got curry in your fats.
02:23:49.000 Well, that's the case with bears.
02:23:51.000 With bears, you want to eat a bear that gets shot after eats a lot of blueberries.
02:23:56.000 The bears, if you eat bears, apparently it's some of the most delicious meat you can have.
02:24:00.000 Really?
02:24:00.000 Yeah, because it literally changes the way their flesh tastes.
02:24:03.000 And they're fat.
02:24:04.000 Their fat has all this blueberry in the fat.
02:24:07.000 Oh, that's delicious.
02:24:08.000 It's really nutty.
02:24:09.000 Let's do a trip.
02:24:10.000 Let's go kill a bear.
02:24:11.000 What about you, Joe?
02:24:12.000 What's your racial choice?
02:24:14.000 It's obvious.
02:24:15.000 Probably Asians. 0.99
02:24:17.000 It's obvious?
02:24:18.000 How come?
02:24:19.000 I just know Joe's type.
02:24:21.000 He's either Brazilian or Asians.
02:24:24.000 Probably would have like, Asians aren't known for being the most muscular. 1.00
02:24:29.000 Probably get a good cut.
02:24:32.000 Did you ever hear about that one guy from Japan who murdered a girl, cooked her and ate her and then got off Like on some insanity case. 0.98
02:24:40.000 He was only incarcerated for a small amount of time.
02:24:42.000 Did he keep some of her for a long time?
02:24:45.000 Like in a closet or something?
02:24:48.000 Yeah, I don't know.
02:24:49.000 That's a good question.
02:24:50.000 Something along the line.
02:24:51.000 I forget the guy's name, but he was famous for it.
02:24:56.000 Yoshi Obayashi.
02:24:57.000 How dare you?
02:24:58.000 That's not true.
02:25:01.000 That guy, I'll pull it up.
02:25:03.000 Well, I mean, give the guy a break, man.
02:25:06.000 Like, so he had a bad, you know, did a bad thing.
02:25:08.000 Well, she probably did something wrong, right?
02:25:10.000 She probably said some shit she shouldn't have said.
02:25:11.000 Yeah, she's talked a lot of shit. 0.99
02:25:13.000 Talked during the football game.
02:25:13.000 This is his name, Isai Sagawa.
02:25:16.000 Yeah, it's pretty fucking crazy.
02:25:19.000 And apparently this dude has described openly, in 1981 he murdered and cannibalized a Dutch woman named Rene Hartevelt, and after his release he became a minor celebrity in Japan making a living through public interest in his crime.
02:25:36.000 Wow.
02:25:38.000 He served time in a French jail.
02:25:40.000 Oh, the French let him out. 0.86
02:25:42.000 Huh.
02:25:42.000 How long did he serve?
02:25:43.000 Like, listen, he has suffered enough.
02:25:46.000 All he did is eat one American.
02:25:48.000 Yeah.
02:25:49.000 He is under five feet tall, and he felt like he was weak and inadequate, and he ate her because he wanted to absorb her energy.
02:25:56.000 That's a good reason.
02:25:57.000 He fainted at the shock of shooting her, but awoke with the realization that he had to carry out his desire to eat her.
02:26:04.000 He did so beginning with her buttocks and thighs after having sex with her corpse. 0.87
02:26:09.000 In interviews, he noted his surprise that the corn-colored nature of human fat.
02:26:14.000 For two days, Sagawa ate various parts of her body.
02:26:18.000 He described the meat as soft and odorless, like tuna.
02:26:22.000 Hmm.
02:26:24.000 Wow.
02:26:24.000 That shit's crazy.
02:26:26.000 You fucking nailed it.
02:26:27.000 Nailed that flavor.
02:26:28.000 You're a natural cannibal.
02:26:29.000 Thank you.
02:26:30.000 I think this is an in-shaped girl, though.
02:26:31.000 There you go.
02:26:31.000 I think this wasn't a fatty.
02:26:33.000 She wasn't a fatty. 1.00
02:26:33.000 I don't think he was eating someone for their pork-like deliciousness. 1.00
02:26:38.000 Sam Kinison-like deliciousness.
02:26:40.000 He then attempted to dump the mutilated body in a remote lake, but was seen in the act and later arrested by the French police, who found parts of the deceased still in his refrigerator.
02:26:50.000 Oh my god.
02:26:51.000 His wealthy father provided a top lawyer for his defense, and after being held for two years without trial in a French jail, the blah blah blah found him legally insane and unfit to stand trial and ordered him to be held indefinitely in a mental institution. 0.95
02:27:07.000 Good call.
02:27:08.000 Wow.
02:27:08.000 How long did he...
02:27:09.000 He spent over three months there, and then he went home.
02:27:13.000 Yeah, how did they let him out?
02:27:14.000 Jesus Christ.
02:27:15.000 Okay, the Japanese authorities found it legally impossible to hold him because the French government refused to release court documents, which remain a secret to Japan, claiming that the case was already dropped in France.
02:27:26.000 So as a result...
02:27:28.000 Wow!
02:27:31.000 They extradited him to Japan, and when they let him in Japan, Japan just let him go.
02:27:35.000 Oh, jeez.
02:27:36.000 It's funny how that always happens when somebody from a country gets caught for something in another country.
02:27:42.000 There's always this irrational, we just want him, and don't punish him.
02:27:47.000 Listen to how crazy this is.
02:27:48.000 Upon his arrival in Japan, he was immediately taken to the Matsuzawa Hospital, where examining psychologists all found him to be sane, stating that sexual perversion was the sole motivation for the murder.
02:28:01.000 That sounds like a sadistic, evil motherfucker then, right?
02:28:04.000 Yeah.
02:28:04.000 However, the Japanese authorities found it legally impossible to hold him because the French government refused to release the documents.
02:28:10.000 So they said that this guy was just depraved.
02:28:13.000 He was totally saying depraved and just sexual perversion was the reason why I killed this chick. 0.62
02:28:18.000 He kills one, and then he makes a living as a minor celebrity.
02:28:23.000 He's invited as a guest speaker on TV shows and shit.
02:28:27.000 He pretends to eat people.
02:28:28.000 He mocks biting people.
02:28:30.000 That's like if Ted Bundy was doing talk shows.
02:28:32.000 He wrote books about the murder.
02:28:35.000 He wrote books about it, describing it in great detail.
02:28:39.000 Wow.
02:28:39.000 Jesus Christ, man.
02:28:40.000 This is incredible.
02:28:44.000 Japanese are so different. 1.00
02:28:47.000 I know.
02:28:47.000 That culture is...
02:28:48.000 Brian, out of all the places that we've ever been to, wasn't that the one that most felt like we were on another planet?
02:28:53.000 Oh, yeah, it was great.
02:28:54.000 I can't wait to go back.
02:28:55.000 But wasn't it like...
02:28:56.000 Taiwan.
02:28:56.000 It really felt...
02:28:58.000 It really felt like you were in another planet.
02:29:02.000 It's like you're in Blade Runner or something.
02:29:04.000 Really?
02:29:05.000 They just got hit again with an earthquake.
02:29:07.000 7.2, yeah.
02:29:08.000 I didn't even know that.
02:29:10.000 It's looking ugly.
02:29:11.000 It's looking ugly for the Japanese. 1.00
02:29:13.000 That sucks.
02:29:13.000 I'm dying to visit.
02:29:14.000 I really want to take a trip one day.
02:29:16.000 Tough spot, man.
02:29:17.000 Being on an island that's got regular volcanic and earthquake activity like that, and after that big tsunami, the reality of that all setting in, that's a tough spot to live.
02:29:28.000 It's not that big either.
02:29:30.000 How big is it?
02:29:31.000 It's smaller than Texas, right?
02:29:33.000 It must be.
02:29:34.000 I think it's an unbelievable amount of people too.
02:29:37.000 Especially Tokyo.
02:29:38.000 Holy shit.
02:29:39.000 And it's such a modern city too.
02:29:42.000 It's really interesting.
02:29:43.000 I like that.
02:29:44.000 Their buildings.
02:29:44.000 I love their writing.
02:29:46.000 Seeing their writing all illuminated and shit.
02:29:48.000 It really does look like some alien shit.
02:29:50.000 It's a fascinating culture.
02:29:52.000 They're not so good though.
02:29:54.000 You gotta get out of here?
02:29:55.000 Yeah, I gotta get out of here.
02:29:56.000 Powerful Brian Redband is out of here, ladies and gentlemen.
02:29:58.000 He's got a bolt.
02:29:59.000 And you guys gotta leave too, right?
02:30:00.000 Yeah, we gotta go.
02:30:00.000 Let's just wrap this bitch up.
02:30:02.000 If anybody wants to follow Christina Pozycki all up in this bitch, you can follow her at Christina with a C. Not one of those freaks that spells it with a K. Yeah, a C-H. C-H Christina P on Twitter. 1.00
02:30:17.000 And of course, Tom Segar is Tom.
02:30:19.000 S-E-G-U-R-A. Holla at your boy. 0.73
02:30:22.000 I have the CDs of both of these guys.
02:30:24.000 Tommy's new CD is White Girls with Cornrows.
02:30:27.000 It's amazing.
02:30:28.000 It is amazing.
02:30:29.000 Tommy, you've been killing it on the road.
02:30:31.000 We've been talking about it on the podcast.
02:30:33.000 I keep hearing it over and over again.
02:30:34.000 People that tell me they went to your shows, I get messages on Twitter, like, holy shit, Tom killed it.
02:30:39.000 He's fucking awesome.
02:30:40.000 They love you.
02:30:40.000 That's awesome.
02:30:40.000 Thank you.
02:30:41.000 You're getting your due, man.
02:30:42.000 Thank you for all the Joe Rogan fans that I get to meet that come to shows are phenomenal.
02:30:47.000 Thank you for supporting.
02:30:49.000 It's really awesome.
02:30:49.000 Well, I've been saying this for a while, man.
02:30:50.000 You're one of the most unappreciated stand-ups in the country right now.
02:30:53.000 I really believe that.
02:30:54.000 Nice guy, man.
02:30:55.000 It's true.
02:30:55.000 I really believe that.
02:30:56.000 You're one of the top guys.
02:30:57.000 Alright, that's it for the podcast, you dirty fucks. 0.78
02:31:00.000 Thanks for having us.
02:31:01.000 Thank you, Joe.
02:31:01.000 Thanks for being on.
02:31:02.000 Thanks for having us.
02:31:03.000 Thanks to Ting.
02:31:03.000 Go to rogan.ting.com.
02:31:05.000 Get 50 bucks off some groovy shit. 0.96
02:31:06.000 Go to onnit.com.
02:31:08.000 O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements.
02:31:15.000 And go fuck yourself. 1.00
02:31:17.000 But...
02:31:19.000 But know this.
02:31:21.000 It's good.
02:31:22.000 It's good to go fuck yourself.
02:31:23.000 It's good.
02:31:23.000 Life is good.
02:31:24.000 It's good to fuck.
02:31:25.000 It's good to do everything.
02:31:26.000 Just do it all with love, you dirty fucks.
02:31:28.000 And we will see you tomorrow.
02:31:30.000 Tomorrow with Mix Master Mike of the Beastie Boys.
02:31:34.000 And Russell Peters.
02:31:35.000 And powerful Russell Peters.
02:31:37.000 Together?
02:31:38.000 Yes.
02:31:39.000 And then Wednesday, the great Dom Irera will join us.
02:31:41.000 And Sunday, Dennis McKenna, the brother of Terrence McKenna, will regale us with stories of psychedelic adventures.
02:31:48.000 And we'll be promoting his new book.
02:31:51.000 So, alright.
02:31:52.000 Thank you everybody for tuning in and listening and thanks for all the positive messages and all the love out there.
02:31:58.000 The amount of happy and positive people that I run into online and in real life as opposed to not happy people is fucking staggering.
02:32:06.000 It's the most incredible group of people that we run into at these shows and online.
02:32:10.000 It's amazing.
02:32:11.000 I don't know what we did to deserve it, but thank you very much and know this.
02:32:15.000 We appreciate the shit out of it, and we're never going to forget, and we're never going to stop doing this.
02:32:18.000 All right, so we'll see you soon.
02:32:19.000 Bye.
02:32:19.000 Go fuck yourself.
02:32:20.000 Suck it. 0.99
02:32:21.000 Suck it! 1.00