The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #332 - Tom Segura

00:00:07.000 Beautiful voice, man.

00:00:08.000 Yeah, it's sweet, right?

00:00:09.000 Like an angel.

00:00:12.000 Tommy Segura, this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by Ting.

00:00:18.000 Ting is one of our favorite sponsors.

00:00:21.000 It's an awesome company, a great cell phone company.

00:00:25.000 That works on the Sprint backbone but gives you a lot of options as far as what you can do with your account.

00:00:34.000 They don't have any contracts.

00:00:36.000 You can cancel at any time.

00:00:38.000 I love this part.

00:00:39.000 No overage charges or penalties if you use more time than you thought you would.

00:00:45.000 You just pay for what you used and credit on unused service.

00:00:49.000 This is unheard of.

00:00:51.000 If you use less than you thought you would, Ting drops you down to the level you hit and the credits the difference on your next bill. 0.97

00:00:59.000 I mean, that's fucking incredible. 0.70

00:01:00.000 That sounds way too fair. 0.97

00:01:01.000 It's beautiful.

00:01:02.000 Nobody does that.

00:01:03.000 It's insane.

00:01:03.000 It's a really cool idea.

00:01:06.000 It's like, do business, but do it ethically and do it in a way where people aren't being fucked. 0.82

00:01:11.000 You're still going to get plenty of business. 1.00

00:01:13.000 There's 300 million goddamn people in this country. 0.99

00:01:16.000 How many people do you need? 1.00

00:01:17.000 How much money do you need?

00:01:21.000 Wouldn't you feel happier if you had, you know, whatever.

00:01:24.000 Enough, but it feels good.

00:01:26.000 You're doing everything you should be doing with a company.

00:01:31.000 Providing an excellent service.

00:01:32.000 It's on the Sprint backbone, one of the biggest cell phone services.

00:01:35.000 In the country, and they use these awesome phones.

00:01:38.000 They have these, I was telling you, the Samsung Galaxy S3. Yeah.

00:01:41.000 And they have the Note and the Note 2. Oh, these things are insane!

00:01:46.000 Isn't it crazy, though?

00:01:47.000 They're beautiful! 1.00

00:01:47.000 We need to get some notes in this, bitch. 1.00

00:01:48.000 I know, we need to get some notes. 0.99

00:01:50.000 It makes me think...

00:01:51.000 It's crazy when you hear that a company is so ethical that it makes you go like, what's going on?

00:01:56.000 Yeah, you guys are the CIA. Why are you guys being all honest?

00:02:00.000 Yeah, why are you doing so much sneaky shit? 0.98

00:02:02.000 There's a real tendency with companies to try to make as much money as possible, to maximize their profits. 0.99

00:02:09.000 And the more they maximize their profits, especially corporations, you're dealing with many, many employees, like who knows how many, a hundred, a thousand, whatever it is.

00:02:18.000 When you're dealing with all those people, If you want to maximize profit, they're trying to maximize profit collectively over a group of hundreds of people where it makes an impact on even one of them. 0.97

00:02:27.000 There's a lot of fucking money involved is what I'm trying to say. 0.95

00:02:29.000 And there's got to be the correct ethics in place. 0.98

00:02:34.000 And I think for a lot of companies in this country, they're not.

00:02:37.000 I think a lot of companies, they're just trying to make as much money as possible.

00:02:41.000 But smart people like Ting are saying, you know what?

00:02:44.000 You can make plenty of money and still be really fair.

00:02:48.000 And that's good money.

00:02:50.000 That's the new concept.

00:02:51.000 Yes.

00:02:51.000 And it's a great concept.

00:02:53.000 You know, the same with Hover.

00:02:54.000 Hover is a domain name company that is also owned by Ting and they have sort of the same thing going on.

00:03:00.000 It's beautiful.

00:03:01.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and you can get 25 bucks off of either one of their cell phones or service.

00:03:07.000 And like I said, they have top-of-the-line Android phones.

00:03:10.000 They're pretty dope-alicious.

00:03:11.000 I used mine in Columbus, Ohio.

00:03:13.000 It worked everywhere.

00:03:14.000 It actually worked better than my AT&T phone, so I was using my...

00:03:17.000 Really?

00:03:18.000 Like I told you, Joey loves Sprint.

00:03:19.000 He says Sprint's amazing.

00:03:20.000 And I think Sprint is probably commensurate with Verizon as far as the areas that you can use it because it's a CDMA. I think CDMA is a different sort of a signal than GSM. That's why Verizon's so good.

00:03:35.000 One of the reasons why it doesn't drop as much is like, That CDMA can go deep into buildings and shit. 0.93

00:03:41.000 Apparently it's older technology, but it's a little bit stronger. 0.59

00:03:45.000 And Sprint's the only one that has that one?

00:03:46.000 Verizon and Sprint are CDMA, whereas AT&T, T-Mobile, those are GSM. So it's a different kind of setup.

00:03:56.000 But GSM is more worldwide.

00:03:59.000 You use GSM, you're fine in Europe, all throughout England. 1.00

00:04:02.000 If you have a Verizon phone and you go over to England, you're fucked. 1.00

00:04:06.000 Really? 0.99

00:04:06.000 Yeah, you have to get a world phone. 0.99

00:04:08.000 It won't even work without that?

00:04:10.000 No, you have to get a world phone. 1.00

00:04:11.000 Because if you're running on a CDMA signal, they don't use that old stupid shit. 1.00

00:04:16.000 Oh, really? 1.00

00:04:16.000 It's only Americans that use that. 1.00

00:04:18.000 I don't understand why it's better, but I do know that on AT&T, you can go online as well as make a phone call.

00:04:27.000 I could be talking to you.

00:04:29.000 And then I can say, well, let me look it up real quick.

00:04:30.000 And I can say, hold on a second.

00:04:32.000 And while I'm on the phone with you, I can go on a website or Google.

00:04:35.000 I can't do that with Verizon. 0.99

00:04:38.000 That sucks. 0.98

00:04:39.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:04:39.000 The only time you can do that, I think, is with the 4G. Oh, okay. 0.98

00:04:44.000 I think the 4G is allowed.

00:04:45.000 Is that true, Brian?

00:04:46.000 Or is it not yet?

00:04:47.000 What?

00:04:47.000 I'm sorry?

00:04:48.000 4G for Verizon.

00:04:49.000 Do they allow you to make phone calls and access the internet?

00:04:52.000 No.

00:04:53.000 Some of the devices, I think, does on 4G. But only on 4G, right?

00:04:57.000 But not the iPhone.

00:04:58.000 Right.

00:04:59.000 Yeah, the iPhone is always a step behind.

00:05:01.000 It was a step behind for the longest time.

00:05:02.000 It was 3G before it was 4G. But you used to have to pay something.

00:05:07.000 It used to cost if you wanted to get off the iPhone tit.

00:05:10.000 Like, I told you I got an old Android. 1.00

00:05:12.000 Oh, I had that piece of shit for one day. 1.00

00:05:14.000 And I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. 1.00

00:05:17.000 It was so clunky and shitty. 0.99

00:05:20.000 Compared to my iPhone. 0.97

00:05:21.000 It wasn't even a question of whether or not I was going to deal with it. 0.95

00:05:25.000 It was just like, get the fuck out of here with this. 1.00

00:05:28.000 I'm like, this thing is dog shit. 1.00

00:05:30.000 Immediate, huh? 1.00

00:05:30.000 Oh, it was so bad. 1.00

00:05:32.000 It was such a piece of shit. 1.00

00:05:33.000 Yeah, it was terrible. 1.00

00:05:35.000 It was so bad.

00:05:35.000 But the new ones are dope.

00:05:38.000 The Galaxy S4 is coming out March 14th.

00:05:42.000 Is it? 0.99

00:05:42.000 And that's supposed to be the next level shit. 0.99

00:05:44.000 Goddammit. 1.00

00:05:45.000 Why do we even bother getting an Android device?

00:05:48.000 Now there's new ones coming out on both Apple and Android.

00:05:52.000 I'm like, oh, I need it.

00:05:52.000 No, wait, no, I don't.

00:05:53.000 Especially Samsung. 1.00

00:05:54.000 They don't fuck around, man. 0.99

00:05:56.000 They keep pumping out badass phones. 0.99

00:05:58.000 For the first time ever, the Galaxy S3 outsold the iPhone. 0.99

00:06:03.000 I could not get over the fucking photos on that thing. 0.99

00:06:08.000 Oh, it's incredible. 0.99

00:06:09.000 Un-fucking-believable.

00:06:10.000 Yeah, they're incredible. 0.99

00:06:11.000 The new ones are going to have, ready for this, a 13 motherfucking megapixel camera. 0.99

00:06:16.000 Wow. 1.00

00:06:17.000 And a fucking phone! 1.00

00:06:18.000 And a phone! 1.00

00:06:19.000 The front-facing camera is going to be 2 megapixels.

00:06:22.000 The rear camera is going to be 13. 13. Jesus!

00:06:25.000 So my billing, I'm looking at my billing right now for Ting, and I haven't really used my phone much, but this month I used it a lot.

00:06:32.000 My billing's been $14 for one month, $13 for another month, and then this month it's going to be, it looks like, $25.

00:06:40.000 That's amazing.

00:06:41.000 That's amazing!

00:06:43.000 This month I've used megabytes.

00:06:45.000 I've used 250 megabytes.

00:06:48.000 Because I'm on Wi-Fi so much that I don't really use it.

00:06:50.000 I've seen some bills that have been crippling, man. 1.00

00:06:54.000 Yeah, you could fuck your life up with a cell phone. 1.00

00:06:56.000 Oh, you sure can. 0.99

00:06:57.000 Especially if you don't know your policy and you go over and you get hit with some overages.

00:07:01.000 Or travel.

00:07:02.000 And you don't really consider adding your international.

00:07:06.000 Yeah, international will crush you.

00:07:08.000 Go to rogan.ting.com, save yourself 25 bucks. 1.00

00:07:11.000 Alright, you fucks? 0.99

00:07:12.000 Also, we're brought to you by Onnit.com. 1.00

00:07:14.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. We've got a lot of cool shit in place these days. 1.00

00:07:19.000 Not just the supplements that we've been selling for a while, but we also have steel maces and steel clubs that we're selling. 0.99

00:07:29.000 We're trying to sell you the most gangster shit available, ladies and gentlemen, including Killer Bee Honey. 0.98

00:07:34.000 But now we have these steel clubs. 0.99

00:07:37.000 They're also referred to as club bells.

00:07:39.000 I use these all the time. 0.97

00:07:40.000 They're fucking awesome. 0.99

00:07:42.000 It's like a giant baseball bat, like a wiffle bat. 0.99

00:07:44.000 Remember the fat wiffle bat that you would always try to grab because it was way better than a regular wiffle ball bat?

00:07:49.000 Those big fat ones. 1.00

00:07:51.000 That's what these are like, but they're made out of iron. 0.95

00:07:54.000 And you do all these fucking crazy things called the shield cast with them and all these exercises with it. 0.88

00:07:59.000 Persian guys do that? 0.98

00:08:00.000 Yeah, Iranian guys and Indian guys.

00:08:02.000 A lot of Indian guys do it.

00:08:04.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:08:06.000 Yeah, so it's new shit that we started selling at Onnit. 0.99

00:08:10.000 We have kettlebells now, battle ropes. 0.97

00:08:13.000 We have an amazing kettlebell workout DVD. It's the Extreme Kettlebell Cardio DVD. If you are going to do that, though, I would really suggest...

00:08:23.000 Anybody that's interested in doing kettlebells or any particularly or possibly dangerous exercise, go and learn from a local guy.

00:08:33.000 Find a local guy who's a professional instructor in kettlebells.

00:08:37.000 It won't take much time.

00:08:39.000 He can show you that all the movements are fairly intuitive.

00:08:42.000 I'm sure a guy would let you videotape it, and he could give you just some tips to make sure that you don't hurt yourself.

00:08:50.000 I'm going through some back issues right now myself.

00:08:54.000 Nothing serious.

00:08:55.000 I can still kick box at 100%.

00:08:58.000 I can still lift weights.

00:08:59.000 But I have some disc issues.

00:09:02.000 Oh, sure.

00:09:03.000 And a lot of that is just going to happen if you do something like Jiu-Jitsu.

00:09:08.000 But if you can avoid any kind of injury, You really should.

00:09:12.000 Any time you can avoid any kind of injury, you should.

00:09:15.000 And the best way to avoid an injury with kettlebells is to use proper form and to learn from an instructor.

00:09:22.000 What kettlebells are, if you've never seen them before, it's a circular ball on the bottom, like the bell.

00:09:28.000 It's made out of iron and it has a handle.

00:09:31.000 It's a thick iron handle.

00:09:34.000 What you do with these things is you swing them around and you use your whole body to pick them up.

00:09:39.000 It really engages your core and your legs and your arms in really weird functional ways that help you in real life, whether it's in athletics or whether it's in just picking something up, the ability to pick something up and move it around your house.

00:09:54.000 You'll have more strength of your whole body.

00:09:57.000 I was hanging out with this dude really recently who was a bodybuilder guy, but he had these little toothpick legs.

00:10:04.000 It's so crazy, because all he's doing is doing bench press and curls, because it makes you look good.

00:10:08.000 But then he's got these toothpicks that are holding all that up, because he's not using his whole body at the same time.

00:10:15.000 You see that at every gym, by the way.

00:10:16.000 You see that guy who's just like... 0.99

00:10:17.000 It's so unathletic, and it's so dangerous for your body, because you can break shit like that. 0.99

00:10:22.000 That's when you blow hamstrings. 0.99

00:10:24.000 That's when...

00:10:24.000 You know, you're designed wrong.

00:10:26.000 Absolutely, yeah.

00:10:27.000 Putting all that power up in your upper body.

00:10:29.000 I know it looks sexy, girls, but you know what?

00:10:31.000 You know, the main thing, if you're gonna start with kettlebells, too, is if you seek out that local guy, you're gonna learn technique.

00:10:39.000 Yeah.

00:10:39.000 And even if you're already athletic, What was that?

00:10:42.000 I don't know.

00:10:43.000 Sounds like a door shut.

00:10:44.000 Something happened here.

00:10:45.000 The feds.

00:10:46.000 Did you hear about the first...

00:10:47.000 Well, we'll talk about that later.

00:10:48.000 Anyway, listen.

00:10:49.000 Onnit.com.

00:10:50.000 O-N-N-I-T. We met the Onnit powerlifter guy this weekend.

00:10:55.000 He was a very nice guy. 0.84

00:10:56.000 It sucks when you talk about back issues.

00:10:59.000 You know you're getting old when it doesn't involve comic books.

00:11:05.000 That's actually a pretty good joke.

00:11:07.000 That's a good joke for nerds.

00:11:08.000 Are we about to get rated?

00:11:10.000 Just a big truck.

00:11:11.000 A big truck.

00:11:12.000 Just stop.

00:11:13.000 Anyway, go there, check out all the different supplements as well.

00:11:17.000 And if you use the code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off any of the supplements.

00:11:21.000 All right, go check it out.

00:11:22.000 Oh, but listen, if you are, back to the kettlebells, even if you're already athletic, if you get somebody that shows you technically how to do even a small change like, oh, your hips are like this, you should move them here.

00:11:36.000 It can really prevent an injury.

00:11:38.000 A lot of times, even if you've worked out a lot, it's a thing that you haven't done before and you don't realize it until somebody who knows what they're talking about says do it like this.

00:11:50.000 You can fuck yourself up doing any kind of weight lifting, any kind of exercise really. 0.99

00:11:54.000 So get yourself in shape, bitch. 1.00

00:11:57.000 Use code name Rogan. 1.00

00:11:59.000 Save yourself some money.

00:12:01.000 Brian Redband, Chew the Music.

00:12:04.000 Tom Segur is here.

00:12:06.000 We're fixing to be crazy.

00:12:09.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:12:11.000 Train by day.

00:12:12.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.

00:12:14.000 All day.

00:12:19.000 Powerful Tommy Buns.

00:12:22.000 Yo.

00:12:22.000 Tommy, please tell me about white girls with cornrows.

00:12:26.000 They're very dangerous. 0.91

00:12:28.000 Ha ha ha ha.

00:12:29.000 They're very dangerous people.

00:12:31.000 That's the name of your latest CD, right?

00:12:33.000 Yeah.

00:12:34.000 Why white girls with cornrows? 1.00

00:12:36.000 I think of them as a very dangerous, often overlooked segment of our society.

00:12:46.000 What's dangerous about that?

00:12:47.000 I try to clarify, first of all, for people that I don't mean like white girls that just got back from the Bahamas. 0.99

00:12:55.000 I mean like white girls that live in Baltimore. 1.00

00:12:58.000 You know, like serious.

00:13:00.000 Downtown chicks.

00:13:01.000 Baltimore is rough, dude.

00:13:03.000 It's real, dude.

00:13:05.000 Baltimore is so rough. 1.00

00:13:06.000 And the D. Holy shit. 1.00

00:13:08.000 Oh, the D is scary right now. 1.00

00:13:09.000 I just did three weeks in a row.

00:13:11.000 In the D? No, I did Baltimore, then Cleveland.

00:13:16.000 Yeah, oh, sorry.

00:13:16.000 Baltimore, then Cleveland, and then Detroit.

00:13:19.000 Back to back to back.

00:13:20.000 I was like, Dude, I'm doing like the recovering cities of America.

00:13:24.000 Those are three places I'm not going.

00:13:26.000 I did Ann Arbor and I felt like I was in a satellite colony outside of the Death Star.

00:13:32.000 I felt like I was hanging out on some colony of white people trying to keep it together while their state implodes around them. 0.91

00:13:40.000 There is a 47% illiteracy rate in Chicago now.

00:13:45.000 Are you serious?

00:13:46.000 Detroit right now.

00:13:48.000 Detroit's the one that leaves the biggest impact for me when you drive through it.

00:13:55.000 Baltimore's funny because Baltimore, they're like, it's all these rows where literally block to block, everything changes when you're in the city.

00:14:06.000 So they're like, no, these right here, this is a really good neighborhood.

00:14:09.000 These are families.

00:14:10.000 Now, you see that next street right there? 1.00

00:14:12.000 You don't want to fuck around on that street. 0.99

00:14:14.000 That one right there? 0.99

00:14:15.000 And they're like, yeah, that's a bad neighborhood.

00:14:17.000 You're like, that's your neighborhood, man.

00:14:20.000 No, that's a whole different neighborhood right there.

00:14:22.000 We saw that in D.C. Oh, yeah.

00:14:24.000 I went to D.C. with Ari, and Ari grew up there. 1.00

00:14:28.000 Oh, that's right.

00:14:29.000 It's where he first was doing stand-up with the improv there, too.

00:14:34.000 When we went down the street, as we're driving, we're in this terrible neighborhood.

00:14:39.000 I mean, it's really bad.

00:14:41.000 It's just like liquor stores, people hanging out half naked on a corner.

00:14:45.000 It was real sketch.

00:14:49.000 And then two blocks over, there's Volvos and shiny white people climbing out with their baby carriages. 0.99

00:14:57.000 And I'm like, whoa, what the fuck is this? 0.99

00:15:00.000 This is crazy. 1.00

00:15:01.000 It's like downtown LA. No, it was way more extreme.

00:15:05.000 It's way more extreme on the East Coast.

00:15:07.000 The East Coast has a completely different sense of integration.

00:15:12.000 There's integration in New York City that you just don't get in Los Angeles because nobody walks.

00:15:18.000 You live on top of each other.

00:15:21.000 Living on top of each other is standard.

00:15:23.000 Being on top of each other, being around people of all sorts of races, nationalities, origins, To be around them all the time, like you are in New York, I think it leads people to be more open to the idea of being around people that aren't in their same economic group,

00:15:38.000 to being closer to them.

00:15:39.000 Definitely. 0.97

00:15:40.000 Whereas in LA, everybody's like, get me the fuck out of this neighborhood. 0.87

00:15:44.000 You don't want to have a nice place in the hood. 0.97

00:15:47.000 That is not even the question.

00:15:49.000 No, no, no.

00:15:50.000 And LA's really sliced and diced where you know exactly where everything is.

00:15:55.000 Totally different.

00:15:56.000 That's this neighborhood.

00:15:57.000 This is this kind of neighborhood.

00:15:58.000 Yeah, it's very obvious.

00:16:00.000 There's no integration.

00:16:01.000 My friend Moe lives in Bed-Stuy in Brooklyn.

00:16:04.000 He's a white guy.

00:16:05.000 Really?

00:16:05.000 Yeah.

00:16:05.000 I go, why do you live in Bed-Stuy?

00:16:07.000 That's where Mike Tyson grew up and talked about how crazy he was.

00:16:09.000 He goes, well, you know, they've cleaned it up quite a bit.

00:16:12.000 He goes, nobody bothers us.

00:16:14.000 And, you know, I would rather live in a place like that and be able to afford an apartment I can move around in and live in a box in the city.

00:16:22.000 Wow.

00:16:23.000 I guess it's like, that's one of the reasons why a lot of these neighborhoods have gotten better. 0.92

00:16:27.000 You know, the idea of gentrification, the idea of like, and that's happened over and over again in New York, where they realize, hey, look, we got a bad neighborhood, but it's just a neighborhood that's got a bunch of shitty places.

00:16:38.000 If we buy those shitty places and start building nice places, then it's a good neighborhood. 0.96

00:16:42.000 And then it's worth a lot of fucking money, and it can happen like that. 0.99

00:16:45.000 It's happened in the east side of LA a lot more. 0.99

00:16:48.000 Los Feliz, Silver Lake, that area. 0.99

00:16:50.000 That used to be an area that white people didn't really just fuck around in at all. 0.96

00:16:55.000 It's like a good artist area. 0.94

00:16:58.000 Yeah, but I'm saying like 20 years ago, it was much more Latin population, and then now it's like a hipster community sliced and diced with a little bit of the Latinos that were there predominantly. 0.99

00:17:14.000 When did one bad motherfucker hipster move in? 1.00

00:17:18.000 I imagine it's the same scenario as your friend. 1.00

00:17:21.000 I imagine it's the same scenario, I bet.

00:17:23.000 Whereas one dude or a couple people were like, oh, we can get this bigger place in this kind of less desirable part of town for really cheap.

00:17:32.000 And then over time, that slowly becomes a thing, and then they've populated an area and totally changed it.

00:17:38.000 Yeah, it's kind of crazy.

00:17:40.000 That'd be crazy if that happened in Bed-Stuy, though.

00:17:43.000 It could easily happen because there's so many people spilling over from Manhattan.

00:17:48.000 There's so much money.

00:17:49.000 It's like a slow creep of money.

00:17:51.000 Those prices are insane.

00:17:53.000 Oh, it's amazing.

00:17:54.000 You look at some of the apartments that are for sale and you're like...

00:17:58.000 They're like $4 million and it's like a $1,200 Burbank apartment.

00:18:02.000 It's so nuts, man.

00:18:04.000 It's so crazy.

00:18:05.000 I stayed in an apartment in Midtown that was $4,600 a month.

00:18:08.000 $4,600 a month?

00:18:09.000 $4,600 a month.

00:18:10.000 Oh my God.

00:18:11.000 A guy was playing rent.

00:18:13.000 Nice two-bedroom.

00:18:14.000 Not particularly like, you know, wow, but nice.

00:18:19.000 Like where you go, yeah, you have a nice apartment.

00:18:21.000 Right.

00:18:22.000 Never in your...

00:18:23.000 In my mind, was it going to be $4,600?

00:18:26.000 That's a crazy mortgage.

00:18:28.000 That's a mortgage for a million dollar house?

00:18:30.000 Yeah.

00:18:30.000 And then when I talk to the guy, I go, don't you think you could get like a million dollar house?

00:18:33.000 He was like, yeah, I'm going to do that sometime.

00:18:36.000 Whoa.

00:18:37.000 Wow, man.

00:18:38.000 Yeah, but people love, the people that love living there, love living there.

00:18:42.000 So much.

00:18:42.000 Yeah.

00:18:43.000 My friend Jeff.

00:18:46.000 He would never live anywhere else.

00:18:48.000 He comes here every now and again.

00:18:49.000 He's got a place here.

00:18:50.000 He'll come here, but when he's here, he's like, get me back.

00:18:53.000 And when he gets back, he's like, this is where I love it.

00:18:55.000 I love it here.

00:18:56.000 He loves the city.

00:18:57.000 He loves being in there.

00:18:58.000 I can see how you fall in love with that city, though.

00:19:01.000 A lot of people love it, man.

00:19:02.000 A lot of people love it.

00:19:03.000 For a lot of people, it's like that idea of having everybody packed in together, they feel happy.

00:19:08.000 Yeah.

00:19:09.000 Well, there really is something always going on.

00:19:12.000 Yeah.

00:19:12.000 Oh, yeah.

00:19:13.000 And I don't mean just like an activity or party.

00:19:16.000 Just standing on a corner, the street feels alive.

00:19:20.000 Yeah.

00:19:21.000 There's just always action.

00:19:23.000 It's actually, people are remarkably cool in New York when you consider how big that city is.

00:19:28.000 Yeah.

00:19:28.000 I mean, they're remarkably cool.

00:19:30.000 Like, people talk about how people are rude, and the East Coast is like, they're not that rude.

00:19:35.000 They're not that rude.

00:19:36.000 I think New Yorkers are particularly friendly, actually.

00:19:38.000 Pretty friendly.

00:19:38.000 Yeah.

00:19:38.000 I mean, they're a little less tolerant of idiots, but I think that the intelligence level, the average intelligence level of people in the city, is like a little higher.

00:19:48.000 I totally buy that. 1.00

00:19:49.000 It's higher than Los Angeles.

00:19:52.000 The odds of you meeting a guy, not knowing him very well, and having a good conversation with him.

00:19:57.000 Say if you're in a waiting room, and you strike up a conversation, and it being a really interesting conversation, the odds are way better in New York than they are in L.A. Great, great observation and a thousand percent agree.

00:20:11.000 And not only that, I feel like LA has a way higher sketch ball factor.

00:20:16.000 Oh yeah. 1.00

00:20:17.000 Where you're like, look at this fucking guy. 1.00

00:20:19.000 Right? 1.00

00:20:19.000 Yes! 1.00

00:20:20.000 These total hoes artists. 1.00

00:20:22.000 Yeah.

00:20:22.000 Look at a roofie some chick.

00:20:23.000 Just way high bullshit fucking meters off the chain here that you kind of go like, nah-uh. 1.00

00:20:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:20:31.000 And actually in New York, you see some guy who might be like eccentric, kind of weird as shit looking, but then he's like a super intelligent guy that you can have a great conversation with.

00:20:41.000 Yeah, it's super possible.

00:20:43.000 And I mean, not that you would really use it if you were there, but you have access if you're in New York to all those museums.

00:20:51.000 Just that alone.

00:20:52.000 Having all that stuff right there.

00:20:55.000 I mean, you're dealing with...

00:20:57.000 There's so many great museums. 0.98

00:20:58.000 And there's so much cool shit to see. 0.97

00:21:01.000 And there's Neil Tyson's place. 0.97

00:21:03.000 What is that astronomy place, Brian?

00:21:07.000 That huge place that he's...

00:21:08.000 The one at Griffith Park?

00:21:10.000 Is it Griffith?

00:21:11.000 No, he doesn't do the Griffith Park Observatory.

00:21:13.000 That's out here.

00:21:14.000 He does something in New York City.

00:21:16.000 I was watching part of that podcast you did with him.

00:21:18.000 He's awesome.

00:21:19.000 You know what's really fun to watch is somebody who's just vocabulary is, you know, they're so articulate that you go, it's actually fun to listen to them speak because they speak so richly and so clearly.

00:21:32.000 I was like listening to him speak and then missing what he was saying.

00:21:39.000 He kind of hypnotizes you in a way.

00:21:41.000 He has a beautiful voice.

00:21:42.000 He's a beautiful man, let's be honest.

00:21:44.000 He is a beautiful man.

00:21:45.000 But there's something to be said about the tonal quality of someone's voice and their ability to understand what they sound like.

00:21:55.000 And a lot of people don't know that.

00:21:56.000 A lot of people who are super obnoxious and come off really fucking bad, one of the reasons why they come off bad It's like they're not registering that their intent is not being accurately displayed by the way they're communicating.

00:22:08.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:22:10.000 There's sounds that people don't like hearing.

00:22:12.000 There's a sharpness that's not necessary.

00:22:14.000 It leads to misunderstandings a lot with what you're saying.

00:22:15.000 Oh, yeah, absolutely.

00:22:17.000 Well, what he does so well is he knows how...

00:22:20.000 First of all, he's got a beautiful voice.

00:22:21.000 He knows how to use the voice.

00:22:23.000 He's got an immense vocabulary.

00:22:26.000 He's got an immense amount of knowledge when it comes to the cosmos.

00:22:30.000 And most of the stuff he's saying, you've never heard it before.

00:22:34.000 But he knows it intimately, and he's super passionate about it.

00:22:38.000 So it's got this sense of theater to it, but it's also insane information.

00:22:43.000 He was telling us information about the actual possible size of the universe, and it just makes you want to just not say anything for like 10 minutes and just go, what?

00:22:55.000 Yeah.

00:22:56.000 Jesus.

00:22:57.000 It's incredible.

00:22:58.000 Yeah, those guys are so important because...

00:23:00.000 Science so often is dry to kids.

00:23:03.000 Like, a lot of kids think that science is like, you know, the idea of studying stars.

00:23:09.000 It seems like dull, and this is Sirius 5, this is, this is, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.

00:23:16.000 The orbiter went around the thing.

00:23:17.000 They don't have this, like, engaging, like, contagious passion that he has.

00:23:22.000 And when kids hear him talk, they get super pumped up about it, as they should.

00:23:27.000 Imagine if he were your teacher in school in fourth grade.

00:23:31.000 I would have probably never been a comedian.

00:23:32.000 Yeah, I know.

00:23:33.000 I would have probably tried to be a scientist or something.

00:23:35.000 I would have tried to be an astronomer.

00:23:36.000 If a guy like that was my teacher, he would have been my hero. 1.00

00:23:40.000 The average fucking kid... 0.99

00:23:44.000 It's like constantly searching for someone that represents who they'd like to be when they get older. 1.00

00:23:51.000 Because if you're around, even if you love your dad, you're around your dad all the time, most likely your dad's a knucklehead.

00:23:58.000 Your dad was born in 1940-whatever. 1.00

00:24:01.000 They're fucking idiots from a different time. 1.00

00:24:06.000 And so then you go to school, and who are you dealing with at school? 1.00

00:24:08.000 A bunch of people don't really want that job.

00:24:10.000 They just can't do anything else.

00:24:12.000 Most of them are really miserable in their personal life. 1.00

00:24:15.000 And if you knew them today as a grown adult, you'd think they were fools. 0.98

00:24:19.000 But back then, they're the figures of authority. 0.97

00:24:21.000 So it puts this sort of helpless feeling to you.

00:24:23.000 Because you know they're tools.

00:24:25.000 You know they're tools, and you know they're teaching you, and you know that this is nonsense.

00:24:29.000 They're not into this at all, and they don't want to be here.

00:24:32.000 And that's the majority of the teaching experiences that I had of being taught and being in class.

00:24:37.000 Absolutely, yeah.

00:24:38.000 There was a few standout guys.

00:24:40.000 There was a guy named Greg who was a Spanish teacher.

00:24:41.000 He was really cool.

00:24:42.000 But Greg wound up banging a 17-year-old.

00:24:45.000 Holla! 1.00

00:24:47.000 Really?

00:24:47.000 I don't know if it was legal or not.

00:24:48.000 I remember Mr. Kinner's breath.

00:24:51.000 That's what stands out to me in fifth grade. 1.00

00:24:53.000 If you had Neil Tyson for a professor, you'd be a fucking scientist. 1.00

00:24:58.000 Totally. 0.99

00:24:59.000 You're trying to do something in that world for sure.

00:25:01.000 That world, man.

00:25:02.000 When those guys landed the rover on Mars and started screaming and cheering when the pictures started coming back, you realize how exciting that must have been for them.

00:25:10.000 Oh my god.

00:25:12.000 Because the idea that they were embracing was so crazy and extreme.

00:25:16.000 And you had so many detractors. 1.00

00:25:18.000 You had people you would say that to, and they're like, are you fucking stupid? 1.00

00:25:21.000 Smart people would say that to you. 1.00

00:25:23.000 They're talking about sending people to Mars.

00:25:25.000 And they're talking about...

00:25:27.000 There's even a new...

00:25:30.000 thing about whether or not they should send couples because They probably won't ever be able to come back.

00:25:37.000 Dude.

00:25:38.000 Now imagine for a second, if they pulled that off, what our reaction would be watching that. 0.94

00:25:44.000 If they landed and they were like, we're on Mars, it's fucking awesome here, you guys. 0.59

00:25:48.000 We would be like, oh my god! 0.99

00:25:50.000 What if they came back, it sucks! 0.96

00:25:53.000 Rescue us! 0.94

00:25:54.000 And it takes six months to get there.

00:25:56.000 Oh my god.

00:25:57.000 What if they didn't know, but that there's a constant, wah, wah, wah!

00:26:03.000 In the background of Mars.

00:26:04.000 Nobody recorded any sound.

00:26:06.000 They don't realize it until they open the hatch.

00:26:09.000 They're like, the planet makes a sound! 1.00

00:26:12.000 Shit! 1.00

00:26:13.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:26:14.000 Come pick you up, it's gonna be a while. 1.00

00:26:16.000 Or just smell like pussy in the whole place. 1.00

00:26:19.000 They smell like rock. 1.00

00:26:21.000 Like dead rats.

00:26:23.000 They can't pick you up at all. 0.58

00:26:24.000 They can't get you.

00:26:26.000 They can send more people to hug you and give you earplugs.

00:26:29.000 Jesus.

00:26:30.000 But they can't send you back.

00:26:32.000 The first trips they believe with people are going to be one-way trips.

00:26:37.000 Really?

00:26:38.000 Yes.

00:26:39.000 But how would you drop them?

00:26:40.000 What would you leave them with?

00:26:41.000 With enough to live with what?

00:26:43.000 You've got to get one of them Boy Scout knives that have a bunch of different things.

00:26:46.000 It's a spoon and a magnifying glass.

00:26:50.000 I think you guys can make it three weeks.

00:26:51.000 And they're like, what?

00:26:52.000 Three weeks?

00:26:53.000 Oh, man. 1.00

00:26:54.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:26:55.000 It can't be cool enough. 1.00

00:26:57.000 There's no way.

00:26:57.000 I mean, the idea of being the first person on Mars, I'm sure, is going to be appealing to a lot of people.

00:27:03.000 But not to me, man. 0.92

00:27:04.000 To me, I'd be like, listen, I'm not living in some fucking movie, okay? 0.89

00:27:08.000 I'm not going to be the first guy on Mars. 1.00

00:27:10.000 Bitch, are you crazy? 1.00

00:27:12.000 Do you know how bad Mars could suck? 1.00

00:27:16.000 Do you want to live in Antarctica? 0.78

00:27:17.000 I don't want to live in Antarctica.

00:27:19.000 But live in Antarctica? 0.99

00:27:20.000 I mean, you might as well be living in Antarctica if you're living on fucking Mars. 0.99

00:27:23.000 You might as well. 0.99

00:27:24.000 Yeah, that's not desirable.

00:27:26.000 At least, man.

00:27:27.000 Because I'm pretty sure you're going to have to wear a mask everywhere you go.

00:27:31.000 You're going to have to take oxygen in. 0.99

00:27:32.000 Or they're going to have to put a dome over that bitch. 1.00

00:27:34.000 Of course. 0.99

00:27:35.000 And do you realize how unpredictable the entire thing from the get?

00:27:43.000 They're like, we thought it was going to be like this.

00:27:44.000 They're going to be like, yeah, it's not really sand.

00:27:46.000 It's rocks.

00:27:47.000 They hurt.

00:27:48.000 Everything that you thought, it could be way, way off, man. 0.99

00:27:51.000 Not only that, I bet Mars gets more fucking asteroids. 0.99

00:27:55.000 I bet they get more impacts. 1.00

00:27:56.000 Because Mars is...

00:27:59.000 I hope I'm not wrong about this, but as it's been explained to me, there's something called Bode's Law.

00:28:04.000 And Bode's Law represents...

00:28:06.000 It's a way of measuring by gravity and mass when you get a series of planets.

00:28:13.000 When you measure the mass of one, you can accurately predict how far away the next planet should be.

00:28:19.000 And apparently the asteroid belt...

00:28:22.000 Between Mars and Jupiter is the only thing wrong with Bode's Law in this solar system.

00:28:27.000 As explained to me.

00:28:28.000 I might be wrong.

00:28:29.000 But that there's so many asteroids close to Mars and Jupiter that most likely the idea is that either that's leftover shit from the formation of the galaxy or it could be leftover from an impact. 0.61

00:28:41.000 Like Earth 1 and Earth 2. Earth at one point in time was hit by another planet.

00:28:47.000 Jesus Christ.

00:28:48.000 Yeah, that's like the mainstream acceptance of how the moon was created and just the evolution of the Earth itself.

00:28:58.000 At one point in time we were actually hit by a planet.

00:29:02.000 Can you imagine how?

00:29:03.000 Dude!

00:29:04.000 Hit by a planet.

00:29:06.000 We got hit by a planet.

00:29:08.000 So we basically became an enormous ball of lava for like who knows how long before everything cooled off. 0.91

00:29:15.000 Who knows how many thousands of fucking years everything burned after you get hit by a planet. 0.67

00:29:22.000 A giant chunk of us came flying off and became the moon. 0.98

00:29:25.000 Yeah, that's...

00:29:27.000 The whole idea of it all, it seems...

00:29:29.000 It's too fantastic.

00:29:31.000 You can't buy a planet!

00:29:32.000 Well, you know what's just as fantastic?

00:29:35.000 It is a planet floating above us every day.

00:29:38.000 Every day, we go outside, and in broad daylight, you can see the moon in California.

00:29:43.000 I know you poor folks in Columbus get cloudy skies all throughout the winter.

00:29:48.000 Cincinnati was the same way this weekend.

00:29:50.000 But you come back to LA, you can see the moon in the middle of the day.

00:29:53.000 You see it fat and juicy, just sitting up in the sky.

00:29:57.000 It looks all beautiful in the blue sky.

00:29:59.000 It's a floating planet, and you're looking at it with your eyes.

00:30:02.000 And it's a quarter of the size of the Earth, and it's right there.

00:30:06.000 It's floating!

00:30:07.000 In the air above you. 0.99

00:30:09.000 Like, that might be the nuttiest shit you ever get to look at. 0.99

00:30:12.000 And you're just like, oh, whatever. 0.99

00:30:14.000 I'm waiting for a UFO. The UFO ain't nearly as crazy as the fact that there's a fucking planet floating in the air. 0.98

00:30:22.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:30:22.000 You can see it. 0.98

00:30:24.000 You just got me excited about the moon, for real.

00:30:25.000 It's huge!

00:30:26.000 You're like a teacher.

00:30:27.000 You're like that guy.

00:30:27.000 The moon is enormous, man.

00:30:29.000 The moon is really big for a moon.

00:30:31.000 We take it for granted how cool it is that you can see it.

00:30:33.000 Well, you see the same side, too.

00:30:36.000 It doesn't even spin.

00:30:37.000 It rotates around us.

00:30:39.000 The moon is a trip, man.

00:30:40.000 The moon is a trip in so many ways because they say that if a moon wasn't as big as it is, our gravity or our atmosphere wouldn't be as stable.

00:30:48.000 Like, our orbit wouldn't be as stable.

00:30:53.000 And what stabilizes us is we have this massive object sitting there with us.

00:30:57.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

00:30:59.000 It's nuts!

00:31:00.000 Like, in order literally to have this kind of life, and people are like, wow, there would be no life.

00:31:06.000 No, it just wouldn't be this kind of life. 0.99

00:31:08.000 Life figures shit out. 0.98

00:31:11.000 For sure. 0.99

00:31:11.000 Life figures shit out, you know? 0.99

00:31:13.000 I'm just amazed that no one's ever figured shit out in the ocean. 0.99

00:31:17.000 There's so much of it, man. 0.99

00:31:19.000 It's so big. 0.98

00:31:20.000 But life never figured shit out in the ocean. 0.99

00:31:22.000 Smart life in the ocean still lives like a fish. 0.99

00:31:25.000 Could you imagine if we were running around on Earth claiming to be super smart, but we're still running around killing things with our face?

00:31:33.000 We would say, how are we any better than regular monkeys?

00:31:37.000 We're not.

00:31:37.000 Oh, we are because we have a language.

00:31:39.000 Those poor dolphins, those poor fucks and killer whales, they're living like regular fish. 0.99

00:31:44.000 They don't have condos. 0.99

00:31:46.000 They don't have cars.

00:31:48.000 They don't have TVs.

00:31:49.000 And everybody's like, oh, they're just as smart as people. 1.00

00:31:51.000 The fuck they are. 1.00

00:31:52.000 The fuck they are. 1.00

00:31:53.000 Stop it. 1.00

00:31:54.000 They're not creating anything.

00:31:55.000 They can just make noise with their face and catch fish.

00:31:59.000 They're just bigger fish.

00:32:00.000 Yeah, they're animals.

00:32:02.000 They take in the air through a hole.

00:32:05.000 But basically, they live like a fish.

00:32:07.000 There's not much difference between a killer whale and a tuna.

00:32:10.000 You know, as far as, like, how they're forced to live, you gotta go get yours.

00:32:15.000 There's no supermarket.

00:32:16.000 I know.

00:32:17.000 There's no credit cards. 0.76

00:32:18.000 They live like savages.

00:32:19.000 They live together. 0.93

00:32:20.000 Yeah, they are.

00:32:21.000 They're just like the bottom feeding fish, really. 1.00

00:32:24.000 Yeah, they're ridiculous. 1.00

00:32:25.000 They're scrubs, man. 1.00

00:32:25.000 Scrubs of the universe. 1.00

00:32:27.000 Killer whale scrubs.

00:32:29.000 Imagine if there really was intelligent life and something figured out.

00:32:33.000 I mean, it doesn't seem...

00:32:34.000 It seems to me that if a monkey can figure out how to be conscious and how to be intelligent here, That a fish should figure out how to be conscious and intelligent down there and develop a way to get up to the air world and wear a big water mask and come and visit us.

00:32:51.000 They totally should, but I think it doesn't happen because there'd be just too much conflict when we start talking when they try to open land parks.

00:32:59.000 Apparently you haven't seen Creature from the Black Lagoon.

00:33:02.000 I have not.

00:33:03.000 Is this what happens?

00:33:04.000 You ever see that?

00:33:04.000 You ever see that movie?

00:33:05.000 I watched that movie recently.

00:33:07.000 Fish learn to read?

00:33:08.000 Oh, it's so dope.

00:33:09.000 It's a fish man.

00:33:10.000 A monster fish man.

00:33:11.000 Pull it up, Brian.

00:33:12.000 We're reading now.

00:33:12.000 Creature from the Black Lagoon.

00:33:14.000 It's like a 1950s movie.

00:33:17.000 Really?

00:33:17.000 I think.

00:33:18.000 Let me see.

00:33:19.000 Creature from the Black Lagoon.

00:33:20.000 I'm going to guess.

00:33:21.000 I'm going to guess.

00:33:21.000 I'm going to go with 1961. But I'm probably off.

00:33:26.000 1951. Is it 51?

00:33:27.000 No, that's on my stuff.

00:33:28.000 Okay.

00:33:29.000 It's 1954. Really?

00:33:30.000 Wow.

00:33:31.000 It's, uh, wow.

00:33:33.000 Okay.

00:33:33.000 Yeah, so it's 1950s.

00:33:35.000 Wow.

00:33:36.000 I, um, remember this when I was a kid.

00:33:39.000 He was, like, one of my favorite monsters, man.

00:33:41.000 Creature from the Black. 0.85

00:33:42.000 Oh, it was awesome.

00:33:43.000 It only got a 6.9.

00:33:46.000 On the IMDB. What a bunch of cunts. 0.99

00:33:48.000 I remember that was one of those movies... 0.99

00:33:50.000 Is it a 10 out of 10 for you?

00:33:51.000 Yeah! 0.98

00:33:51.000 It's fucking amazing! 0.98

00:33:53.000 If you're talking about old, cool horror movies, it's amazing! 0.98

00:33:58.000 It's a 10!

00:34:00.000 That was one of those movies they played in the 80s with the 3D glasses where you would go to the grocery store and get those glasses and then the red and blue glasses and they made it 3D. Oh, they made the movie 3D? They changed it and made it 3D? Dude, pull some of that up.

00:34:14.000 It's awesome.

00:34:16.000 Look at it.

00:34:20.000 The creature from the Black Lagoon.

00:34:23.000 Wow.

00:34:24.000 Yeah, there's no explanation.

00:34:25.000 That's just where he lived.

00:34:28.000 Where did he come from?

00:34:29.000 Did he interact with people?

00:34:30.000 He's unknown by science.

00:34:32.000 To haunt them? 1.00

00:34:33.000 Oh, yeah, he kidnapped bitches. 1.00

00:34:35.000 Oh, really? 1.00

00:34:35.000 Yeah, he snatched bitches up, took them back to his cave. 1.00

00:34:38.000 He's trying to make a more person-person thing. 0.99

00:34:41.000 I got you.

00:34:42.000 I knew it would be a person hybrid.

00:34:44.000 Like, he's a person-fish hybrid. 1.00

00:34:45.000 He's like, I gotta take this shit to the next generation. 1.00

00:34:48.000 And it's just me as a hybrid. 1.00

00:34:50.000 Fuck some white bitch. 1.00

00:34:52.000 He definitely looks like a child made him in the image that I saw. 1.00

00:34:55.000 Well, back then, man, for 54, that's an amazing outfit, you know?

00:35:01.000 Yeah, he's got some pretty eccentric gear.

00:35:04.000 Those guys had a struggle, you know?

00:35:06.000 It was hard to do special effects in the 1950s, you know?

00:35:09.000 Do you ever see, like, even stuff now that you see from the 80s, you're like, oh my god, this is embarrassing.

00:35:14.000 Is that the, uh, yeah, it is.

00:35:16.000 Out of the murk and mystery of a hundred million years ago.

00:35:22.000 Punnets.

00:35:24.000 Up from the depths of unknown waters comes a creature to confound science and terrorize the world.

00:35:40.000 Wow.

00:35:41.000 These are awesome.

00:35:42.000 Look at those claws. 0.99

00:35:43.000 Yeah, he's got webbed fingers and claws and shit. 1.00

00:35:46.000 Creature from the Black Lagoon. 1.00

00:35:47.000 And it's all black and white and awesome.

00:35:51.000 Shocking.

00:35:52.000 In the stark realism.

00:35:54.000 Look at it.

00:35:55.000 When you make that cling.

00:35:56.000 A perfected three dimension.

00:35:58.000 It was black and white, but it was 3D. Isn't that fascinating?

00:36:02.000 Yeah.

00:36:03.000 Look how weak that dude looks.

00:36:05.000 Dudes back then didn't know nothing about bench pressing.

00:36:08.000 That dude didn't know nothing about kettlebells.

00:36:11.000 He had no shroom tech sport in his life.

00:36:13.000 Any creatine going through his system.

00:36:15.000 Those dudes did no deadlifts. 1.00

00:36:18.000 Absolutely no.

00:36:19.000 They're like the leading men back there.

00:36:22.000 Like a joke with their shirts off.

00:36:24.000 Ain't you ever done a hack squat?

00:36:25.000 You compare them to like The Rock.

00:36:27.000 Yeah, I know, right?

00:36:29.000 Oh my god.

00:36:32.000 Hot and never worked out a day in her life.

00:36:34.000 With a billion eggs inside of her.

00:36:36.000 You come anywhere near her. 0.99

00:36:37.000 Her eggs leap down, grab the sperm, and crawl back in. 1.00

00:36:41.000 Yeah, all the guys back then were... 1.00

00:36:43.000 They almost looked like they were all gay. 1.00

00:36:46.000 Maybe they were, because they were all like, you know... 0.82

00:36:48.000 They all had body hair, which dudes all shave today.

00:36:50.000 It's really interesting when you just see what happened groom-wise.

00:36:53.000 Wow, they give away a lot in this movie.

00:36:55.000 The guy that gets lit on fire and falls in the water.

00:36:57.000 Look at that dude, all studded his shirt off. 0.99

00:37:03.000 Whoa, he just jumps in the water with bitches. 1.00

00:37:07.000 Took Rada out. 1.00

00:37:08.000 Damn. 1.00

00:37:09.000 Deep, deep, deep. 1.00

00:37:13.000 This is awesome.

00:37:15.000 Into the waters of his domain.

00:37:18.000 Where a man may follow. 1.00

00:37:20.000 He just drowned a bitch. 1.00

00:37:22.000 Yeah, I guess he's like drowning her. 1.00

00:37:23.000 I don't know what's happening.

00:37:24.000 They're in the middle of a gator roll there.

00:37:26.000 Amazing.

00:37:27.000 Three dimension.

00:37:30.000 Creature from the Black Lagoon.

00:37:32.000 Oh, man.

00:37:33.000 Isn't it a fascinating thing when you can go back in time like that and see something and see what media looked like in 1954?

00:37:41.000 Oh, my God.

00:37:42.000 I know.

00:37:43.000 And then that you know that people would see certain things and be so captivated by it. 0.98

00:37:47.000 We would fucking love that movie, dude. 0.98

00:37:50.000 Of course. 0.99

00:37:50.000 If we lived in 1954, well, actually, would we as adults? 0.99

00:37:53.000 Would we be so psyched? 0.99

00:37:55.000 I think so, because you had never seen shit like that. 0.99

00:37:58.000 You might even be more impressed. 1.00

00:37:59.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:38:00.000 How did they do this? 1.00

00:38:01.000 But I was thinking, like, who goes to see those movies?

00:38:03.000 Would it be kids?

00:38:03.000 Because in 1954, guys our age were almost dead.

00:38:07.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:38:08.000 Get to your late 30s?

00:38:09.000 Like, who are you?

00:38:10.000 You're not even alive. 0.99

00:38:11.000 You're a dead man.

00:38:12.000 But they're also more, like, scared of...

00:38:16.000 The unknown.

00:38:17.000 Of the unknown.

00:38:18.000 Yeah.

00:38:19.000 But I think that would be a thing where they'd be like, you don't want to bring a kid to something like this.

00:38:23.000 This is an adults-only kind of film.

00:38:25.000 This is rated R. He abducts this white woman and takes her to the bottom of the ocean.

00:38:30.000 He's scary.

00:38:31.000 He's real scary. 1.00

00:38:32.000 You don't take a white bitch into the bottom of the ocean unless you're looking to either kill her or fuck her. 1.00

00:38:36.000 Yeah, he's probably doing both. 1.00

00:38:38.000 You're probably going to kill her unless you can come really quick because she's going to drown. 0.99

00:38:42.000 It's rude. 0.96

00:38:43.000 Yeah, there's definitely a lot of stuff you don't want to see in this film.

00:38:47.000 1954, the audience wasn't ready.

00:38:50.000 Did you know the creature was modeled after the Oscar?

00:38:53.000 Really?

00:38:53.000 Yeah.

00:38:53.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:38:55.000 Really?

00:38:55.000 Yeah.

00:38:55.000 Well, they figured with a fucking plot like this, they're a shoo-in.

00:38:59.000 How could we go wrong? 0.99

00:39:01.000 Guys, we're dealing with a gill man. 1.00

00:39:04.000 He's a monster that kidnaps and then fucks. 1.00

00:39:06.000 We got hot white bitches that he kidnaps. 1.00

00:39:09.000 This movie's gonna be big! 1.00

00:39:11.000 In the water, he drowns them, he rapes them, and then he leaves them back at the surface.

00:39:15.000 It's in real black and white. 0.65

00:39:17.000 3D. It's gonna be amazing.

00:39:19.000 3D black and white.

00:39:20.000 That's gonna be amazing. 0.99

00:39:22.000 Holy shit. 0.98

00:39:22.000 There's no better piece of evidence about how our society has changed, I think, than watching our old shows and movies. 0.98

00:39:30.000 Yeah.

00:39:30.000 Like, try to watch Father Knows Best.

00:39:33.000 It's beautiful.

00:39:34.000 It's like you're watching a comedy.

00:39:36.000 You watch Father Knows Best and it's so awkward and clunky and fake and not in any way resembling how human beings really behave that it becomes a comedy. 0.87

00:39:52.000 You may guess it was supposed to be a comedy back then.

00:39:54.000 But it wasn't...

00:39:55.000 Was it?

00:39:56.000 It was a drama comedy?

00:39:57.000 What would you call it?

00:39:59.000 It was like a comedy, right?

00:40:00.000 I guess, yeah. 0.97

00:40:01.000 But it's funny for being sucky. 1.00

00:40:03.000 It's funny for being really stupid. 1.00

00:40:05.000 Well, Father Knows Best, sitting there with this fucking stupid pipe. 1.00

00:40:08.000 The whole thing is so weird. 1.00

00:40:11.000 Oh, it's crazy.

00:40:12.000 It's surreal.

00:40:13.000 See if you can pull up a Father Knows Best clip.

00:40:16.000 You know what's also really bad that makes you think about what were we thinking when we saw this and were people impressed are music videos. 0.98

00:40:25.000 If you watch old music videos, you're like, holy shit. 1.00

00:40:28.000 Shit, this is terrible. 1.00

00:40:30.000 But at the time, you know that they're like, did you see this guy? 1.00

00:40:33.000 He can make his face freeze on the screen and then they'll leave it there for a minute and a half while some other shit goes on behind it.

00:40:41.000 And that was like, they were showing off the technology when they made those. 0.87

00:40:45.000 They weren't even like making it.

00:40:46.000 They were like, just look at the buttons we got with this new software.

00:40:49.000 Like the videos were just bad new special effects.

00:40:53.000 Here's something Black Eyes never said.

00:40:55.000 Hey man, you check out that Kajagoogoo video?

00:40:59.000 No one's ever said it.

00:41:00.000 I've never heard a brother say that, ever. 0.99

00:41:03.000 Yeah, some of those old videos were fucking preposterous. 0.99

00:41:07.000 Terrible. 0.97

00:41:07.000 You know what I heard the other day that I haven't heard in a long time that really brought me back? 0.97

00:41:14.000 That I want candy song.

00:41:16.000 I want candy.

00:41:18.000 Remember that? 1.00

00:41:19.000 Remember that really hot bitch? 1.00

00:41:22.000 What are you laughing about? 1.00

00:41:23.000 Where did you hear that at?

00:41:25.000 Were you at like a strip club?

00:41:26.000 No, no, no.

00:41:28.000 It was at a...

00:41:29.000 A strip and nails concert? 0.68

00:41:31.000 That's a girl song. 0.98

00:41:33.000 Girl singing about a boy.

00:41:37.000 I think I was at a restaurant and it was playing in the background.

00:41:41.000 It was like a pizza place or something.

00:41:42.000 It was like, whoa.

00:41:43.000 Did it immediately put you in a good mood?

00:41:45.000 Well, I just always...

00:41:46.000 The girl was... 1.00

00:41:48.000 Did you?

00:41:49.000 Brian, did you have that sound? 1.00

00:41:52.000 Don't do that, stupid. 1.00

00:41:54.000 Shit. 1.00

00:41:56.000 This is terrible. 1.00

00:41:57.000 Shut it up. 1.00

00:41:57.000 It's so bad. 1.00

00:41:59.000 Breaking my brain. 0.99

00:42:00.000 It is so goddamn bad. 0.99

00:42:03.000 God. 0.95

00:42:04.000 But you know what's almost just as bad? 1.00

00:42:06.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:42:06.000 Yes, Deer. 1.00

00:42:07.000 You ever see that sitcom, Yes, Deer? 1.00

00:42:10.000 Might as well be the same fucking show. 1.00

00:42:12.000 There's a lot of sitcoms that are on even currently that are like, holy shit. 1.00

00:42:18.000 They've been showing a Yes, Deer marathon on Nickelodeon. 0.98

00:42:21.000 Yeah. 0.79

00:42:22.000 It's un-fucking-believable how bad that show was. 0.98

00:42:25.000 It's madness. 0.98

00:42:27.000 Like you're watching madness.

00:42:28.000 I always wondered why Anthony Clark blew a fuse.

00:42:31.000 Like, what happened? 0.99

00:42:32.000 I bet it was just working on that shitty show over and over and over again. 1.00

00:42:35.000 I've seen those goddamn scripts every week. 1.00

00:42:38.000 Everybody's like, oh, poor baby. 1.00

00:42:40.000 I've been working at the same plant.

00:42:42.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:42:43.000 There's something extra bad about being a comedian and being on an unfunny show.

00:42:50.000 Just knowing how bad it is.

00:42:51.000 Yeah.

00:42:52.000 There's something extra bad.

00:42:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:54.000 That fucking show. 1.00

00:42:55.000 I was watching All in the Family the other day, and that is the best show. 1.00

00:42:59.000 So good.

00:42:59.000 Do you remember how racist he was?

00:43:01.000 Look at this.

00:43:02.000 Oh, no!

00:43:02.000 While the astronomers are thinking it over.

00:43:04.000 You and Henry are trying to find somebody else to buy the house.

00:43:06.000 You don't call that crooked?

00:43:08.000 No!

00:43:08.000 That's looking out by number one.

00:43:10.000 Where does that place Henry Jefferson?

00:43:12.000 He's number two.

00:43:14.000 Why is he number two?

00:43:15.000 Because, meathead, there can only be one number one and one number two.

00:43:18.000 And life made Jefferson number two long before I come along.

00:43:22.000 So I suppose that the Puerto Ricans are number three, then?

00:43:25.000 Well, no, not necessarily there, little girl.

00:43:27.000 Your Puerto Ricans could be four.

00:43:29.000 Your chops and your chains could be three.

00:43:33.000 3A, 3B. That was a great show.

00:43:38.000 He couldn't make that show now.

00:43:39.000 I need to get that show on DVD. That's how good it is.

00:43:42.000 Yeah, I wonder if they even censored the DVDs because he dropped n-bombs, he called everyone jinxing it. 0.99

00:43:49.000 We've become a bunch of pussies. 0.99

00:43:51.000 We've become super duper sensitive pussies. 1.00

00:43:55.000 A lot of people apologizing for a lot of shit. 1.00

00:43:58.000 Because of that, you lose out on comedy. 0.99

00:44:02.000 Because you can't tell me those guys don't still exist.

00:44:06.000 You can't tell me that racism doesn't still exist.

00:44:09.000 It absolutely does.

00:44:10.000 But I think racism in the context of a show like All in the Family, the way he's raised, I think it helps people. 1.00

00:44:17.000 I think it helps people relate to how he's such a moron. 1.00

00:44:21.000 It makes you realize he's a fucking idiot. 1.00

00:44:23.000 It makes you relate to how everybody else sees him. 1.00

00:44:26.000 It's probably good for the culture to be realistic about a guy like that.

00:44:30.000 And you even see in that character, because it's so deep, Yeah.

00:44:38.000 Yeah.

00:44:45.000 Yeah.

00:44:54.000 You know, he was tolerant, even with Meathead living with him. 0.88

00:44:58.000 He never got violent or anything like that.

00:45:00.000 You know what I mean?

00:45:00.000 You could think about how a lot of fathers would have been way more horrific.

00:45:04.000 But it was like, he also was a buffoon. 0.99

00:45:07.000 And that buffoonery, sort of, you go, oh, that's why he's racist. 1.00

00:45:11.000 The same reason why he's the butt of all these jokes, because he's a buffoon. 1.00

00:45:15.000 And... 1.00

00:45:16.000 I think that's a good thing.

00:45:17.000 I don't think that's a bad thing at all, but you're right.

00:45:19.000 You could never have that today.

00:45:21.000 The thing is when you cut, you don't want a character.

00:45:23.000 They would censor a character like that today.

00:45:25.000 You're doing a disservice to just your own honesty about people because you're not acknowledging that, like you said, that person's out there.

00:45:34.000 Yeah, it's like how come you can acknowledge that murderers are out there? 0.99

00:45:37.000 How can you acknowledge every week on CSI that there's a crazy fucking serial killer chopping up hookers? 0.99

00:45:42.000 You can do that every week, and nobody has a problem with it. 1.00

00:45:45.000 But if they had one character on TV that was a racist white guy that was talking shit about the chinks and the spics, you'd be like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:45:54.000 Everybody would protest. 1.00

00:45:55.000 People would say they were going to boycott their internet marketing campaigns to stop the hate.

00:46:00.000 And when is comedy too far?

00:46:02.000 Well, you know, now, did you see on the Super Bowl, the commercial, that people, they didn't want it run because of the white guy doing the Jamaican accent?

00:46:11.000 Like, that was the gag.

00:46:13.000 They sent out a press release about how offensive it was, and it was a car commercial where the guy in Minnesota, a white guy, is doing a bad, or not even bad, I think it's pretty decent, Jamaican accent.

00:46:28.000 Throughout the commercial.

00:46:29.000 It's so crazy that they wanted an apology.

00:46:31.000 And then you have on another end of that, what is it, JCPenney is trying to get, or Sears has Ellen DeGeneres as a spokeswoman.

00:46:43.000 And then there's protesters that are like, we don't want, you just lost a dollar for hiring her.

00:46:50.000 They should say good. 0.99

00:46:51.000 We don't want your fucking dollar. 1.00

00:46:53.000 Yeah, of course. 0.99

00:46:54.000 And they would get more people supporting them.

00:46:56.000 Whatever they're going to lose from those people, they're not going to get back unless they stand up for it.

00:47:00.000 Yeah, and then... 1.00

00:47:00.000 Talk about how fucking stupid this is. 1.00

00:47:02.000 What are you watching, Brian? 1.00

00:47:03.000 That's the commercial he was just talking about.

00:47:05.000 Oh, look how...

00:47:05.000 This is what these people wanted, and this commercial pulled.

00:47:09.000 Wicked coffee, Mr. Jim.

00:47:12.000 Julia.

00:47:13.000 Turn the frown the other way around.

00:47:16.000 Hey, Dave, you're from Minnesota, right?

00:47:19.000 Yes, I. The land of 10,000 lakes.

00:47:23.000 The Gopher State.

00:47:24.000 So in conclusion, things are pretty dismal.

00:47:27.000 You know what this room needs?

00:47:29.000 A smile.

00:47:30.000 Who wanna come with I? Hey, it's my car.

00:47:40.000 What?

00:47:45.000 For real?

00:47:47.000 Did they really, for real, they pulled that?

00:47:50.000 No, they did not.

00:47:51.000 They wanted to. 1.00

00:47:52.000 A group brought, they were like, this is the racist, awful, prejudice commercial, and you need to pull this shit down. 1.00

00:48:02.000 That's hilarious. 0.99

00:48:03.000 So what was the name of the group that wanted to pull it?

00:48:05.000 If you did a Google search for it, the Super Bowl Jamaican-Minnesotan commercial, you'll see.

00:48:13.000 It was a whole thing. 1.00

00:48:14.000 And then And then everybody was anticipating, because that news story came out before the Super Bowl, like, wait till you see this shit. 1.00

00:48:22.000 Like, it's protest-worthy. 1.00

00:48:24.000 It's so crazy.

00:48:24.000 And then that aired, and you're like, yeah, that's what we're offended by now?

00:48:29.000 People are so silly.

00:48:31.000 Meanwhile, they were really clever in how they did that, where everything the guy says is very positive. 1.00

00:48:37.000 It's not like, you know, doing a Jamaican accent, but just like banging a bunch of bitches, sleeping in a closet, stealing oranges or something. 1.00

00:48:48.000 He was like trying to make everybody smile. 1.00

00:48:50.000 I'm a Jamaican pot-smoking rapist, you guys. 1.00

00:48:55.000 Alright, enough with that. 1.00

00:48:56.000 People are so fucking sensitive. 1.00

00:48:58.000 They're so stupid. 1.00

00:49:00.000 Someone wrote some blog about, what's his face that did the Oscars? 1.00

00:49:05.000 Seth and Carlin?

00:49:05.000 Oh, yeah.

00:49:06.000 Apparently he said something about nobody can understand Salma Hayek, but no one cares because she's so hot. 1.00

00:49:11.000 It's kind of funny.

00:49:12.000 It's not offensive. 0.99

00:49:14.000 And this fucking chick wrote this article where it was like, so what you're basically saying is that her opinion is invalid. 0.99

00:49:22.000 It doesn't matter if she's communicating because you find her attractive and you can't understand it because she's Hispanic. 1.00

00:49:29.000 Like, what?

00:49:31.000 It's a comedy joke. 1.00

00:49:32.000 It's a joke, you fuckhead. 1.00

00:49:34.000 You goddamn super sensitive shit fuck. 1.00

00:49:37.000 It's the worst. 1.00

00:49:38.000 That is ruining the fun and it's ruining life.

00:49:44.000 It's going to ruin communication between people, is that type of reaction.

00:49:48.000 Did you see with ESPN, they issued an apology on behalf of Brent Musburger for the national championship game when he commented on AJ McCarron's girlfriend?

00:50:00.000 Yes!

00:50:00.000 And you watched him and you're like, you want him to apologize for that?

00:50:03.000 What did he say?

00:50:04.000 He said she was pretty.

00:50:05.000 Beautiful woman, you starting quarterbacks get all the beautiful ones, and then I bet there's a lot of young boys out there in Alabama right now that just started throwing the ball around, just warming their arm up, getting ready, you know.

00:50:18.000 Yeah.

00:50:18.000 What's wrong with that?

00:50:20.000 I mean, the implication is that she is only with him because he's who he is and that he only sees in her her beauty because that's all Brent Musburger talked about was how beautiful she was.

00:50:34.000 She's not just a piece of meat. 0.99

00:50:36.000 And people wrote articles and had their opinions about how unbelievably offended they were that Brent Musburger was like, wow, what a beautiful woman to this audience.

00:50:46.000 Obviously gorgeous woman that is standing there that anybody's reaction would be, wow, what a beautiful woman she is. 1.00

00:50:53.000 Not like, wow, I wonder what her thoughts are right now.

00:50:58.000 It's so hilarious. 1.00

00:51:00.000 People are so silly. 0.99

00:51:02.000 And the real problem is that other people are listening to them. 1.00

00:51:05.000 That's the real problem.

00:51:06.000 Of course.

00:51:07.000 The real problem is that they can protest and they don't get mocked the way they would in your house, the way they would in your neighborhood, the way they would in a normal, healthy community. 1.00

00:51:17.000 If someone brought that up, people would be like, come on, get the fuck out of here, you crazy asshole. 1.00

00:51:21.000 Right. 1.00

00:51:22.000 But because of the fact that they know that they can...

00:51:25.000 Could you imagine if someone in your neighborhood was a guy and he had a beautiful wife and you knew that he was a football player and so you're all sitting around and you're like, somewhere guys are warming their arms up looking at her.

00:51:37.000 Can I get me one of those?

00:51:39.000 You'd laugh at that guy.

00:51:41.000 Of course! 1.00

00:51:42.000 He's silly. 1.00

00:51:42.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:51:44.000 But...

00:51:45.000 People are actually genuinely pretending to be upset.

00:51:49.000 Yeah.

00:51:49.000 You can't be actually upset.

00:51:51.000 You're upset at the world if you're upset at that.

00:51:53.000 You're not really upset.

00:51:54.000 Because you're really focusing on something that is even less than important.

00:51:58.000 It doesn't even belong in that Like, circle of conversation.

00:52:03.000 This is not an issue.

00:52:04.000 You're wasting your time, and we all know it.

00:52:07.000 That's why we get upset by that.

00:52:09.000 We know that you're wasting everybody's time to ask for apologies for something that you might interpret coming out.

00:52:16.000 Like, that's not even a direct statement, you know?

00:52:19.000 Yeah.

00:52:21.000 It's a weird thing that's going on where we've been around for so long.

00:52:26.000 And comedy and offensive comedy has been around for so long.

00:52:29.000 But there's this new thing, this righteous indignation that people are claiming now more than ever, where they're pretending that there's not a joking context to a lot of this stuff.

00:52:41.000 That joking context doesn't even exist.

00:52:44.000 Yeah.

00:52:44.000 Joking context doesn't exist, and they'll take a joke as a statement.

00:52:48.000 Did you know that he said he would like to see the queen getting eaten out by a hot 20-year-old?

00:52:55.000 Because I said that once.

00:52:56.000 I was talking about the queen.

00:52:57.000 I was like, you know, she's probably a nice old lady. 0.96

00:53:00.000 Wouldn't it be great if she was a lesbian? 1.00

00:53:02.000 I mean, wouldn't that be like... 0.78

00:53:03.000 Because if you made the...

00:53:05.000 Now, if someone just looked at that, oh, Joe Rogan was hoping the queen could get eaten out by a hot 20-year-old, you'd put that on the paper in England.

00:53:11.000 They would go crazy.

00:53:12.000 They'd be like, what are you saying?

00:53:13.000 Like, obviously, I don't really mean that.

00:53:15.000 These are jokes.

00:53:17.000 But...

00:53:17.000 To cut out that aspect of communication is to pretend.

00:53:22.000 It's like you're playing dumb.

00:53:23.000 You might not think it's funny, but you know the difference between someone joking around and a very casual joke around, by the way, about a girl being attractive and guys are warming up their arms, throwing the ball around because they'd like to have an attractive girlfriend. 0.96

00:53:38.000 Are we pretending that we don't like attractive people?

00:53:40.000 Exactly.

00:53:41.000 What are we mad at?

00:53:43.000 And we're also pretending that if If you're factoring in an attractive person's attraction level, then that is cheap and short-sighted of you.

00:53:56.000 What about the other factors about this person?

00:54:00.000 But you're like, well, why are we going to pretend like their level of attraction isn't a factor?

00:54:05.000 It's a real factor.

00:54:06.000 It's going to determine a lot of things in that person's life.

00:54:09.000 And we're going to just ignore that because they're attractive?

00:54:13.000 Yeah.

00:54:13.000 Yes.

00:54:14.000 Come on. 1.00

00:54:15.000 So stupid. 1.00

00:54:16.000 So fucking dumb. 1.00

00:54:18.000 Just like ugly people don't have it good, you know? 1.00

00:54:19.000 We can talk about that. 0.87

00:54:21.000 It's real. 0.99

00:54:21.000 It's fucking real. 0.99

00:54:22.000 It's a shit roll of the dice. 1.00

00:54:24.000 You all know it, goddammit. 1.00

00:54:25.000 Have you seen Trent Reznor's wife? 0.98

00:54:27.000 I just found out about her.

00:54:29.000 Look at her.

00:54:29.000 She is the most...

00:54:30.000 I found out about her music, and then I was like, I need to find out who this is.

00:54:34.000 I need to stalk her.

00:54:35.000 Alright, stalker boy.

00:54:36.000 Yeah, I need to stalk her. 0.99

00:54:37.000 And then I found out it was Trent Reznor's wife.

00:54:39.000 But her music is like Pink Floyd mixed with electronic music.

00:54:43.000 It's really good.

00:54:44.000 What's her name?

00:54:45.000 Her band's called How to Destroy Angels.

00:54:49.000 They have a new CD that just came out today. 1.00

00:54:51.000 That sounds like an angry bitch. 1.00

00:54:52.000 And then I tweeted it. 1.00

00:54:54.000 I tweeted how much I like it.

00:54:55.000 And then all these people are like, oh, she's the new Yoko Ono. 1.00

00:54:58.000 She fucking killed nine snails. 1.00

00:55:00.000 Stupid people. 1.00

00:55:01.000 Oh, well. 1.00

00:55:02.000 Oh, well.

00:55:03.000 This woman who wrote this article, I kind of agree with some of the things she's saying, though.

00:55:06.000 Her name is, this is the one who's complaining about comedy does not win a free pass, is the name of the article, saying Seth MacFarlane at the Oscars.

00:55:15.000 Okay.

00:55:16.000 Some of what she's saying, I agree with.

00:55:20.000 She's sick of people saying things that are racist and sexist, and that someone saying it's just comedy somehow gives you a free pass.

00:55:29.000 It doesn't give you a free pass.

00:55:31.000 I agree.

00:55:31.000 I agree with that.

00:55:32.000 But you know what does give you a free pass?

00:55:34.000 If it's funny?

00:55:35.000 If it's funny.

00:55:36.000 That's what she's missing. 0.98

00:55:38.000 If someone says something fucked up and racist but hilarious, you can say that. 0.99

00:55:44.000 You can say it. 0.99

00:55:44.000 You can say it as long as I know that you're just joking. 0.99

00:55:47.000 And there's certain shit you'll do. 1.00

00:55:50.000 You'll crack this fucked up half smile and you'll say something and I know you're bullshitting. 1.00

00:55:55.000 You're doing a joke to me. 1.00

00:55:57.000 And I know you're doing a joke and I'll laugh my ass off.

00:56:00.000 Because I know you really don't mean this mean thing that you're saying, but you'll say it joking.

00:56:05.000 You'll say it with that smile.

00:56:07.000 It's fun.

00:56:09.000 It's a fun thing to do.

00:56:10.000 And it's not reality.

00:56:11.000 It's not like a statement on things. 0.99

00:56:13.000 The idea that joking doesn't exist, or the idea that something that is fucking hilarious shouldn't be said because it's also racist or it's also sexist, is so silly. 0.50

00:56:25.000 I mean, can I tell you, too, that I feel like there basically are two groups as far as who gets your point, what you're saying, and then who gets upset by it. 0.94

00:56:35.000 And it's almost, almost split down the line of intelligent and not so intelligent.

00:56:41.000 Whereas intelligent people, I feel like, get what you get.

00:56:46.000 Joking.

00:56:46.000 Yeah.

00:56:47.000 They get joking around.

00:56:47.000 And that people who are a little bit, you know, I'm not breaking it down to like an IQ level, but they're like, do you not get this?

00:56:54.000 Right now?

00:56:55.000 I agree with you to a certain extent, but I also think that there's one other segment that you have to address, and that is unhappy people.

00:57:01.000 That's very true. 0.96

00:57:02.000 There's a lot of smart people that are fucking miserable, and they want to complain about anything they can. 1.00

00:57:07.000 And anytime they think they have the red light or the green light to go, they will just go write the cuntiest shit they can fucking think of. 1.00

00:57:14.000 Because they've been looking for a green light. 1.00

00:57:16.000 They've been looking for a chance to get pissed about something. 1.00

00:57:19.000 And if you say these X words in a row and they know that this is a green light, I'm going after this fuck. 1.00

00:57:24.000 And they just find the angle. 0.99

00:57:25.000 What's the angle to attack him at?

00:57:27.000 He believes slavery should be back in season.

00:57:31.000 Can you believe what this person...

00:57:32.000 I cannot believe.

00:57:34.000 Righteous indignation.

00:57:36.000 And you know what? 0.99

00:57:36.000 You make a good point because that can be either a smart or a dumb person. 0.99

00:57:41.000 And they're... 0.99

00:57:42.000 Often smart.

00:57:43.000 Often smart. 0.69

00:57:44.000 And if they do get happy, you get to experience, whether they're smart or dumb, a totally different person. 0.94

00:57:51.000 Yes. 0.94

00:57:52.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:57:53.000 And more joyful and more laughing.

00:57:55.000 Another problem with people that are really smart is that they recognize the variables.

00:58:01.000 They recognize the consequences of failure, they recognize the consequences of their own laziness, or whatever it is that's kept them from being successful.

00:58:10.000 They are frustrated by their own inability to reach their potential in life.

00:58:14.000 So then, when they find a green light, like it's Seth MacFarlane telling jokes at the Oscars, They're frustrated already.

00:58:22.000 And smart.

00:58:23.000 And go.

00:58:25.000 Find something to attack. 1.00

00:58:26.000 When you're really sort of projecting some of your internal bullshit on a silly subject. 0.99

00:58:34.000 Him saying that Salma Hayek is... 0.99

00:58:50.000 Yeah.

00:58:50.000 Yeah, of course.

00:58:53.000 And she's also really hot as fuck. 1.00

00:58:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:58:55.000 I've met her in real life. 1.00

00:58:56.000 She's beautiful.

00:58:57.000 Beautiful.

00:59:00.000 She's beautiful.

00:59:00.000 She's smoking hot.

00:59:01.000 But why would she be upset that she's hard to understand?

00:59:04.000 Really?

00:59:05.000 If it didn't make sense, it wouldn't be funny.

00:59:08.000 For the record, I'd like to fill her up and seal her shut.

00:59:11.000 Yes. 1.00

00:59:12.000 I would like to fill her up with so much cum that she could float in the ocean. 1.00

00:59:18.000 She would just be so buoyant. 1.00

00:59:22.000 I would like her to have so much cum in her. 1.00

00:59:25.000 That it's dripping out of her nose, and she uses it as seasoning on her tacos. 1.00

00:59:29.000 And you know what this dummy that wrote this needs to understand?

00:59:32.000 Here's the big part.

00:59:34.000 If it didn't make sense, it wouldn't be funny.

00:59:37.000 Okay?

00:59:37.000 If you tried to say that about Jennifer Aniston, that nobody understands her, but no one cares because she's so hot, people would be like, what?

00:59:44.000 Yeah.

00:59:44.000 What are you talking about?

00:59:46.000 Jennifer Aniston's very easy to understand. 0.61

00:59:48.000 Right.

00:59:49.000 So why are you pretending?

00:59:51.000 Why are you saying that's hurtful?

00:59:53.000 That's crazy talk.

00:59:55.000 And you're talking about the Oscars.

00:59:58.000 Just silly expression of, you know, rewarding people that are making movies.

01:00:05.000 Yeah, they reward each other.

01:00:07.000 And all you have to do is this guy who's just trying to get a couple of he-he's and ha-ha's in between.

01:00:12.000 You know, he's got a few moments to make a little bit of an impact. 0.98

01:00:15.000 Hey, let's say Salma Hayek's hot and fucking, you can't understand her, but who cares? 1.00

01:00:19.000 Okay, good, good, good. 0.99

01:00:20.000 And, like, you're constructing a little comedy routine.

01:00:23.000 Yeah.

01:00:23.000 Can you imagine how high pressure that hosting gig is?

01:00:25.000 Well, you know what should be high pressure? 1.00

01:00:27.000 Writing this stupid blog. 0.99

01:00:29.000 She's had a thousand people on Reddit review this blog and then decide how it gets rated with red stars over the top of it. 1.00

01:00:41.000 And then this company decides whether or not they want to fucking print your dumb shit. 1.00

01:00:45.000 But she's right about that comedians shouldn't get a free pass. 1.00

01:00:50.000 They shouldn't. 0.99

01:00:51.000 Like, there's shit that's just racist, and it's not funny. 0.99

01:00:54.000 And you hear it, and it's not, you know, someone crossed a line. 1.00

01:00:57.000 And a lot of times, that's incompetence.

01:01:00.000 A lot of times, it's guys who think that they're being edgy, so that's funny, but they don't really know how to be funny.

01:01:06.000 Like, we've all worked with guys that are shockingly bad.

01:01:09.000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:01:12.000 Sometimes people say things, and they just say things because they're stuck on stage, and they start talking, and they don't even know what the fuck they're saying, but they're trying to be edgy, so then they say something really fucked up and racist. 0.92

01:01:23.000 Have you ever seen that happen? 0.99

01:01:24.000 Of course!

01:01:25.000 Yeah, that feeling when you're panicking.

01:01:29.000 Obviously, she's talking about a monologue.

01:01:33.000 I've seen it with...

01:01:35.000 Like a guy trying to be edgy in a sex joke. 1.00

01:01:38.000 And then just goes through it and you're like, holy shit. 1.00

01:01:42.000 You sound like you're going to murder and kill and rape bitches tonight. 1.00

01:01:46.000 You could tell he just didn't know. 1.00

01:01:48.000 He just wanted to run through it.

01:01:49.000 How crazy it sounded.

01:01:50.000 And you're like, that does not sound good, man.

01:01:52.000 There's no joke there.

01:01:54.000 Yeah.

01:01:55.000 There's certain things that people say on stage and the way they say them.

01:01:59.000 One person could say it and it's really hilarious. 1.00

01:02:02.000 Half the shit Joey Diaz says. 0.99

01:02:04.000 If it wasn't someone as lovable as Joey Diaz, you'd be like, get this guy off. 1.00

01:02:09.000 If he was like an awkward white guy that was kind of shifty.

01:02:14.000 Or if you just saw what he says written, you'd be like, oh my god.

01:02:20.000 Meanwhile, you'll never see that.

01:02:22.000 You don't have to worry about that happening.

01:02:23.000 That's not written anywhere.

01:02:27.000 That act they written down.

01:02:29.000 He got mad at me once for having a notebook. 1.00

01:02:31.000 What are you doing walking around with this fucking notebook? 1.00

01:02:33.000 Really? 1.00

01:02:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:34.000 Like you're one of these fucking... 1.00

01:02:35.000 What's that place that they all go to? 1.00

01:02:40.000 What's the alternative room?

01:02:43.000 UCB. He goes, what are you, one of those fucking UCB homos? 1.00

01:02:47.000 He got mad that I had a notebook. 1.00

01:02:51.000 You know what the fuck I'm saying. 0.99

01:02:53.000 You're letting everybody know you got your notebook. 1.00

01:02:55.000 I'm like, it's my fucking notes! 1.00

01:02:56.000 I'm about to go on stage. 0.99

01:02:58.000 I don't know what to say to that.

01:02:59.000 I'm letting everybody know that I take notes? 0.98

01:03:01.000 Like, the fuck does that even mean? 0.98

01:03:04.000 He's so great. 1.00

01:03:05.000 I've seen him go on stage and just really just talk shit On people in the audience for like 15 minutes and just talk things out. 0.98

01:03:14.000 There was nothing. 0.99

01:03:15.000 He was really just in the moment. 0.99

01:03:16.000 And it was like the funniest shit I've ever seen. 0.97

01:03:18.000 Yeah, you can't like personality and like what is funny and what's not funny. 0.98

01:03:24.000 It's also so subjective.

01:03:25.000 So someone saying a comedian getting a free pass.

01:03:28.000 Well, it might not be good for you.

01:03:31.000 Okay, but you got to understand that that's that person doing his thing.

01:03:35.000 It's like the same as someone singing a song.

01:03:37.000 You're just not thinking about it that way.

01:03:40.000 You know, when someone's singing a song, they're creating a piece of entertainment.

01:03:43.000 When someone's doing a joke, they're creating a piece of entertainment, too.

01:03:46.000 But it's a completely different process, and sometimes it doesn't work.

01:03:49.000 It's not like someone said that.

01:03:51.000 Like, you asked them, hey, Tom Segura, what do you think about white girls with cornrows? 1.00

01:03:56.000 And you just go, well, you know, I fucking think they're a bunch of crazy bitches. 1.00

01:04:00.000 They'll stab you. 1.00

01:04:01.000 Like, you're not being interviewed for the news. 0.99

01:04:03.000 You're telling jokes.

01:04:04.000 Of course.

01:04:05.000 And that's a real – to me, that's a real social problem that people need to be called on because I think when people think that they can just get away with being twatty like that and everybody gives them that political, correct,

01:04:21.000 free pass and puts logic out the door – And doesn't call him on it, going, that's not what's going on here.

01:04:26.000 This is a joke. 1.00

01:04:27.000 Will you shut the fuck up? 1.00

01:04:28.000 If I was in your living room, can you imagine if you're in your house and you and fucking Seth MacFarlane are sitting there joking around and he says that about Salma Hayek and you guys both start laughing. 1.00

01:04:39.000 He, like a couple, you know, a couple guys would. 0.94

01:04:42.000 And then this woman is also there and she's on the couch, just the three of you.

01:04:46.000 And she starts complaining.

01:04:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:48.000 You'd be like, what?

01:04:49.000 And you would have a crazy argument about your size, and then you'd be like, we're never hanging out with that person ever again.

01:04:58.000 Well, it's the most ironic thing because lefties and progressive people are always espousing freedom of speech, the First Amendment, freedom of the press.

01:05:08.000 They're always talking about how important it is to have a free internet.

01:05:12.000 But meanwhile, they're also the first people willing to get upset at someone expressing themselves in a manner that they find amusing or that they find shocking but funny.

01:05:25.000 You should have free speech up until it bothers me.

01:05:27.000 Yes, exactly.

01:05:28.000 Free speech up until you cross the conservative line.

01:05:31.000 I feel like you've crossed into some area where I can make fun of you.

01:05:34.000 Do you ever get, um, have you gotten mail, hate mail about jokes, you know?

01:05:39.000 Not really.

01:05:39.000 Yeah, I mean, sure.

01:05:40.000 There's been certain things that people have been upset about.

01:05:42.000 Yeah, but I always feel like going like, like, you remember this thing that you're, this was on a stand-up comedy show.

01:05:49.000 Yeah.

01:05:50.000 Or this was on a comedy scene.

01:05:52.000 Well, you had a lot of people mad at you about that bike joke, right?

01:05:55.000 So many.

01:05:56.000 Dude, you looked like a little, like, bothered by it at one point in time.

01:06:01.000 I just, I didn't know. 0.61

01:06:02.000 They wanted to kill you.

01:06:03.000 What, what?

01:06:05.000 Whether, like, it was a normal reaction, like, because it was the first thing that had gotten any, like...

01:06:10.000 Real exposure?

01:06:11.000 Yeah, I was like, is this normal? 0.84

01:06:14.000 That everybody wants to kill you?

01:06:16.000 The big thing that it got was it got the, um...

01:06:20.000 It got the Huffington Post home comedy page for a day.

01:06:24.000 So like it was the first thing on HuffPost comedy because it was being used to promote the new season.

01:06:32.000 Actually, well, but my special was the season debut of the series.

01:06:38.000 So it was, hey, the series is back for season whatever.

01:06:41.000 Here's a clip from the first episode.

01:06:44.000 So it was that kind of thing, like a big promo thing.

01:06:47.000 What's the series?

01:06:48.000 It was Comedy Central Presents.

01:06:50.000 Oh, okay.

01:06:51.000 So they were going to air, you know, 15 of them.

01:06:53.000 How many did they do last year?

01:06:54.000 They did about, I think around 16. Oh, that's great.

01:06:57.000 Yeah.

01:06:57.000 It's called The Half Hour now.

01:06:59.000 They changed the name of it.

01:06:59.000 Yeah?

01:07:00.000 And then they just shot the new ones.

01:07:04.000 Yes!

01:07:05.000 This past weekend in New York.

01:07:06.000 Dude, you should try to get one of those, Brian.

01:07:08.000 Brody just got his.

01:07:09.000 That should be your goal.

01:07:10.000 We're not talking about Brody.

01:07:11.000 He shot, right?

01:07:12.000 That should be your goal.

01:07:13.000 Your goal should be to put one of those together.

01:07:15.000 You can do that.

01:07:16.000 I need to get a manager first or something like that.

01:07:18.000 Don't worry about that.

01:07:20.000 Get a notebook.

01:07:21.000 Don't worry about that, dude.

01:07:22.000 You don't need a manager first.

01:07:23.000 You need to just do a lot of writing.

01:07:27.000 A lot of writing.

01:07:28.000 Get on stage.

01:07:28.000 You know, you got some really killer jokes, dude.

01:07:30.000 You have some funny shit. 0.99

01:07:32.000 You have some good ideas. 0.99

01:07:33.000 Like, you could really, like, you could really, like, put down a special if you wanted to.

01:07:37.000 If you really wanted to dedicate yourself to it.

01:07:39.000 Yeah, you could work up to that for sure, man.

01:07:41.000 Have you ever been so drunk that you couldn't even, like, you had to just get off the stage?

01:07:45.000 No, never.

01:07:46.000 Never that drunk?

01:07:47.000 No, no, no.

01:07:48.000 I've been, really the most I've ever had is like a buzz from drinking where I recognized that it was throwing off my timing and stuff.

01:07:58.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:07:59.000 And then I just couldn't think as quick.

01:08:01.000 That's not good. 0.95

01:08:02.000 So I personally, I mean I know everyone's different with it, I don't drink until I'm done performing because it'll fuck me up.

01:08:09.000 Sometimes I do.

01:08:10.000 Sometimes I have a couple of drinks and go on stage.

01:08:11.000 But you pull it off.

01:08:12.000 Yeah, but I prefer, honestly, I prefer my sets when I'm just a little bit hard.

01:08:19.000 Or sober.

01:08:20.000 Yeah.

01:08:21.000 Those are my best sets.

01:08:22.000 Yeah, me too.

01:08:23.000 But every now and then I'll go up lit and crush.

01:08:26.000 Especially at the Ice House.

01:08:28.000 Jesus Christ.

01:08:29.000 Because it's like home.

01:08:30.000 It's like home base.

01:08:31.000 I'll get a couple of Jack Daniels and go up to the Ice House.

01:08:33.000 Because the Ice House is so positive.

01:08:37.000 Everyone there is all hugs.

01:08:39.000 The waiters are cool.

01:08:40.000 The bartenders are cool.

01:08:42.000 The waitresses are cool.

01:08:43.000 The managers are cool.

01:08:45.000 When you go to the Ice House, that's love.

01:08:48.000 That's a family environment.

01:08:49.000 When we do those Wednesday nights there, we'll probably do one next week too, by the way, folks.

01:08:53.000 We do those Wednesday nights, and it's packed on a Wednesday night at 10. It's like, you could do anything there.

01:08:58.000 So those, I might get hammered from. 0.94

01:08:59.000 I could get a little fucked up and get a show like that. 0.76

01:09:02.000 I have a show there Friday, by the way. 0.96

01:09:04.000 Do you?

01:09:04.000 Where at?

01:09:05.000 Ice House.

01:09:06.000 Who are you there with?

01:09:08.000 I believe...

01:09:09.000 I can't remember now.

01:09:11.000 I have to look at my phone.

01:09:12.000 Powerful advertisement.

01:09:14.000 What time is your show there?

01:09:15.000 It's at 10 o'clock, icehousecomedy.com, Def Squad Show.

01:09:19.000 We have a very odd podcast on Friday with Dr. Amit Goswami.

01:09:27.000 He's a theoretical physicist, one of those particle physicists guys.

01:09:32.000 What's he going to talk about?

01:09:33.000 Theoretical physics.

01:09:35.000 Like, do they write a book?

01:09:36.000 He's going to talk about the nature of matter.

01:09:38.000 He's going to talk about string theory. 0.99

01:09:40.000 He's going to talk about how the fucking world is really constructed. 0.98

01:09:43.000 How inside of every atom is just empty space. 0.99

01:09:46.000 How this idea of strings vibrating that control and create all matter is going to be a total mindfuck. 0.72

01:09:56.000 Because he's like super legit.

01:09:58.000 As legit as those quantum scientists go, those quantum guys are so strange.

01:10:04.000 It's so hard to understand because everything they're doing is all this alien mathematical language. 0.94

01:10:10.000 You see them writing it out and in that alien mathematical language as they're writing down all those fucking symbols and all that Einstein. 0.94

01:10:20.000 What's that movie with Matt Damon? 0.97

01:10:23.000 Oh yeah, yeah.

01:10:24.000 What was that movie?

01:10:26.000 Something about apples.

01:10:27.000 Something about apples.

01:10:28.000 Something a bunch of numbers.

01:10:30.000 Good Will Hunting.

01:10:31.000 Good Will Hunting, yeah.

01:10:32.000 When he's writing all that stuff on the board, and you don't know if it's right. 1.00

01:10:35.000 You don't know if that shit's... 1.00

01:10:36.000 Fuck no. 1.00

01:10:37.000 You have no idea what all that is. 1.00

01:10:38.000 You might as well be writing ancient hieroglyphs. 1.00

01:10:40.000 What's that shit for? 1.00

01:10:41.000 Well, it's mathematics. 1.00

01:10:42.000 It's complex mathematics. 1.00

01:10:43.000 But when he's writing that, these guys are writing that shit. 1.00

01:10:46.000 I've seen them on notes. 0.99

01:10:47.000 They'll have an inspiration for the way an equation is supposed to be interacting with the environment.

01:10:54.000 My brain definitely doesn't.

01:10:55.000 The real problem with dealing with those guys is even when you're asking questions about how they came to the conclusions, like how they understand these things and where the ideas of string theory come from.

01:11:08.000 You can't even measure it.

01:11:41.000 It's the pursuit.

01:11:42.000 I think it's like almost anything.

01:11:44.000 If you have an interest in it and you pursue it, you can get good at it.

01:11:47.000 I think mathematics is probably real similar to whether it's literature or even athletics.

01:11:54.000 It's like, what do you focus your energy on?

01:11:56.000 You focus your energy on this, You're going to figure out how to do it.

01:11:59.000 If it's interesting to you, and you might not be the best in the world at it, but if you put your focus on it, you're going to be able to figure out how to do it.

01:12:06.000 That's true.

01:12:07.000 Almost anything.

01:12:08.000 Almost anything.

01:12:08.000 But it's like, what entices you?

01:12:11.000 Are you like, ooh, math.

01:12:13.000 Ooh.

01:12:14.000 No, you're not.

01:12:14.000 With you, it's like, oh, stage time.

01:12:16.000 Let me get to do a joke. 0.99

01:12:17.000 I'm going to kill. 1.00

01:12:20.000 That's what entices you. 1.00

01:12:22.000 What's attractive to you is what you pursue.

01:12:24.000 What's attractive to you is stand-up comedy.

01:12:27.000 But if you were one of those wacky dudes like that Russian guy who solved this prize, they were going to give him a million dollar prize, he didn't even want the money. 1.00

01:12:35.000 He's so fucking crazy. 0.99

01:12:37.000 This dude is just up there in Siberia, writing shit down on paper, and he solved some crazy mathematical equation that they had been trying to I should pull up the actual information so it doesn't sound like I'm talking out of my ass. 1.00

01:12:50.000 Let me pull this up. 0.99

01:12:53.000 I'm going to just Google Russian scientist.

01:12:56.000 Come dog. 0.90

01:12:57.000 Wins math prize.

01:13:02.000 Doesn't want it?

01:13:05.000 Let's see if that works.

01:13:07.000 And notice that I didn't use Bing. 0.99

01:13:10.000 I used fucking Google, okay? 0.98

01:13:12.000 There's these new commercials. 0.99

01:13:13.000 You should try Bing.

01:13:15.000 Bing is actually better than Google.

01:13:17.000 It's more fun.

01:13:18.000 You'd be surprised. 0.88

01:13:19.000 Bing's so crazy.

01:13:20.000 It's fun. 0.99

01:13:20.000 I like when a search engine is a good goddamn time. 0.99

01:13:24.000 I'll tell you one thing, though. 0.95

01:13:25.000 We had this thing on Muff Said the other day. 0.96

01:13:28.000 If you Google the word boobs, safe search off, you don't get any tits. 1.00

01:13:35.000 But if you go to Yahoo and do boobs, you get tits. 1.00

01:13:38.000 But which one you don't? 0.99

01:13:39.000 Google.

01:13:40.000 Really?

01:13:40.000 Yeah.

01:13:41.000 Google's trying to hide tits. 1.00

01:13:43.000 I understand. 0.99

01:13:44.000 Trying to make that pay, bro.

01:13:46.000 This is the dude.

01:13:47.000 He is a Russian scientist from St. Petersburg.

01:13:51.000 His name is Grigory Bergman.

01:13:53.000 He's a 40-year-old man and he won the Fields Medal, often described as mass equivalent to the Nobel Prize for a breakthrough in the study of shapes that experts say might help scientists figure out the shape of the universe.

01:14:07.000 I'm super offended by the way you said his name with that acronym.

01:14:13.000 It's really offensive.

01:14:14.000 John Ball, president of the International Mathematics Union, said that he had urged P-E-R-E-L-M-A-N, so I don't know what that is.

01:14:25.000 Pearlman.

01:14:27.000 Anyway, homeboy.

01:14:29.000 He urged homeboy to accept the medal, but he said he felt isolated from the mathematics community and does not want to be seen as a figurehead.

01:14:37.000 Wow.

01:14:38.000 He just didn't want the money.

01:14:40.000 He passed on a million dollar money.

01:14:42.000 A million dollar prize.

01:14:43.000 A million dollars.

01:14:44.000 Yep.

01:14:45.000 Besides shunning the award for his work in topology, he also seems uninterested, according to colleagues, in a separate one billion dollar prize he could win, providing the Poincaré conjecture, a theorem about the nature of multidimensional space.

01:15:02.000 Whoa.

01:15:04.000 Whoa, indeed.

01:15:05.000 Whoa.

01:15:06.000 Whoa.

01:15:06.000 Yeah, he's too smart.

01:15:07.000 That's a dude that's too smart and doesn't understand what two million dollars can get you. 0.99

01:15:13.000 Because it can get you a lot of cool shit. 0.98

01:15:16.000 All you're going to have to do... 0.99

01:15:17.000 One of the things you can do is move from Siberia with your million dollars. 1.00

01:15:21.000 Yeah, you've got to be a really crazy fuck to pass on a million bucks. 1.00

01:15:24.000 But you probably also have to be a really crazy fuck to be able to think in such a spectacular way. 1.00

01:15:30.000 It's like the fact that this guy... 0.99

01:15:32.000 I mean, it's not that this guy wasn't successful because he studied mathematics only and he put all his focus on mathematics, but once he got really good at that, well, then he was able to capitalize on his excellence.

01:15:47.000 No.

01:15:47.000 No, it's they offered him money and he said, I don't want to go back to shock and write things on the papers.

01:15:55.000 I just realized, too, that I was talking about people's intelligence earlier in this podcast, and that if that guy met me, he'd be like, are you the dumbest person in the world? 1.00

01:16:07.000 I've never spoken to somebody as stupid as you. 1.00

01:16:11.000 Tell me again. 1.00

01:16:12.000 Well, I wonder what he would be like socially.

01:16:15.000 Probably a little awkward, I guess.

01:16:18.000 Maybe not.

01:16:19.000 I solved these equations in my Siberian hut.

01:16:22.000 Maybe he's so smart that he figured out sociology, and he figured out the interaction between human beings. 0.98

01:16:27.000 Well, then he becomes the coolest fucking guy in the world, if he's that guy. 0.96

01:16:30.000 But if he's that guy, he takes the two mil. 0.99

01:16:32.000 Yeah, and we all know that.

01:16:33.000 Yeah, that guy takes the two mil and goes pimpin'. 1.00

01:16:36.000 You should double up on that shit. 1.00

01:16:38.000 You know what someone just called somebody that I thought was an awesome fucking expression? 1.00

01:16:41.000 Called him a suitcase pimp. 0.99

01:16:43.000 Suitcase pimp?

01:16:44.000 I've never heard of that.

01:16:45.000 I like that.

01:16:46.000 I've heard it many times, but I hadn't heard it in a while.

01:16:49.000 A suitcase pimp.

01:16:50.000 What's up, suitcase pimp? 0.95

01:16:52.000 Someone's a suitcase pimp.

01:16:54.000 But it's not a positive term. 0.95

01:16:57.000 Suitcase pimp is like a hustler. 1.00

01:16:59.000 You know, it's like he's never got his shit together. 1.00

01:17:01.000 He's always like living out of a suitcase. 0.99

01:17:04.000 Somebody said some shit that was so cool to me that I just didn't get it. 0.99

01:17:07.000 You know, when it's too much cooler than you? 1.00

01:17:10.000 Somebody yelled that shit at me in Cleveland. 1.00

01:17:12.000 They're like, I'm so icy, they call me Daisy. 1.00

01:17:14.000 I was like, that sounds cool, I just don't know what the fuck you mean, man. 0.99

01:17:19.000 In the porn world, they used that term, suitcase pimp. 1.00

01:17:23.000 Oh, really?

01:17:24.000 Yeah. 0.92

01:17:24.000 In the porn world, a suitcase pimp is the unemployed boyfriend of the porn star. 0.92

01:17:29.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:17:30.000 That's a suitcase pimp. 1.00

01:17:31.000 That's all over that industry.

01:17:32.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:33.000 Support.

01:17:34.000 You gotta have support.

01:17:34.000 Isn't that the craziest thing?

01:17:36.000 It's always those guys.

01:17:37.000 It's always those guys.

01:17:39.000 Yeah.

01:17:39.000 You know?

01:17:41.000 It's always...

01:17:41.000 You gotta get paid, babe.

01:17:42.000 It's strippers as well, like a lot of strippers. 1.00

01:17:44.000 It's like, you know, especially like girls at work at really nasty places and they don't feel good about it.

01:17:49.000 Right.

01:17:50.000 They need a man and they want a man waiting for them when they get home to cuddle with and snuggle.

01:17:55.000 Yeah.

01:17:56.000 Trying to get out the memories of all those boners. 0.77

01:18:00.000 That's so true. 1.00

01:18:01.000 And it's always a guy that's a loser. 1.00

01:18:03.000 Because, I mean, you know, a lot of guys out there right now with stripper girlfriends going, fuck you, shithead. 1.00

01:18:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:09.000 But it's true. 1.00

01:18:09.000 If you're at home, and you don't pay the bills, and you don't contribute to the household, you're unemployed, and your girl's out there sticking her pussy in guys' faces, there's a reason why that's not the conventional setup. 1.00

01:18:22.000 It's because you're number one, bro. 1.00

01:18:24.000 That's why.

01:18:25.000 You're basically the most awesome guy ever.

01:18:26.000 You're the bro-iest bro of all.

01:18:28.000 And your band is awesome, too. 0.92

01:18:31.000 And that barbed wire tat is looking fucking rad, bro.

01:18:36.000 Does anybody do barbed wire anymore? 0.96

01:18:37.000 I wonder if someone does it ironically.

01:18:40.000 The thing is, it's ironic, but you've got to be rolling with a crew that really knows you to get that you're being ironic.

01:18:48.000 Well, Ari has Keep on Truck and Tattoo on his side. 0.97

01:18:53.000 That's ironic, and I think everyone gets that. 0.80

01:18:55.000 Yeah, Kinane has one too, a funny, silly one. 0.78

01:18:58.000 I forget what it is, though. 0.89

01:19:00.000 On his side or his tat.

01:19:01.000 Somebody find out. 0.96

01:19:02.000 Suitcase pimp.

01:19:04.000 Yeah, he's got a funny one.

01:19:06.000 I have waterfalls.

01:19:07.000 Yeah, barbed wire?

01:19:08.000 Come on. 1.00

01:19:09.000 You can't do that shit anymore, right? 1.00

01:19:11.000 Yeah, do girls still get tramp stamps? 1.00

01:19:13.000 I think so.

01:19:14.000 How many girls have gotten just a target? 1.00

01:19:16.000 Just put an actual target?

01:19:18.000 An aim here?

01:19:19.000 Yeah, just like concentric rings, bullseye. 1.00

01:19:22.000 There's some freaky fucking ones around pussies on the internet, right? 1.00

01:19:27.000 Have you seen some of them? 1.00

01:19:28.000 You're like, oh my...

01:19:29.000 Like it's a demon's mouth that is around her box.

01:19:32.000 And you're like, you really thought...

01:19:34.000 That that was going to be a good move.

01:19:36.000 For real? 0.87

01:19:37.000 I think that cat butthole belly button tattoo one is the grossest one. 1.00

01:19:42.000 Who wants a cat butthole on your fucking tummy? 1.00

01:19:48.000 Mine would look really bad. 1.00

01:19:50.000 It's all hairy and just linting it all the time.

01:19:52.000 Yeah, you have linting it.

01:19:54.000 I think the other day a bug crawled in my belly button and then got squished when I was sleeping.

01:20:00.000 Really?

01:20:00.000 Because then I put my finger in there and this thing came out and it looked like a squished bug.

01:20:05.000 Really?

01:20:05.000 Big one, though.

01:20:06.000 Like a cockroach.

01:20:07.000 Oh, okay.

01:20:08.000 Well, sometimes it looks like spiders when I pull out the lint and there's all these hairs in them.

01:20:11.000 I'm like, oh, is that a 70-legged spider?

01:20:14.000 And then I realized it was just a ball of lint, but yeah.

01:20:17.000 This girl got diarrhea tattooed on her back. 1.00

01:20:19.000 Come on.

01:20:20.000 Yeah.

01:20:23.000 Like the word diarrhea or just diarrhea? 1.00

01:20:26.000 I guess that's for dudes who are trying to fuck her in the butt. 1.00

01:20:28.000 Just want to steer you away from that right away. 1.00

01:20:31.000 It's going to go poorly. 0.99

01:20:33.000 Yeah, if you look on Google Images under tramp stamps, one girl has a whole Bible passage written on her lower back up to her ass. 1.00

01:20:43.000 Is that the last shit you want to be reading when you're banging a hot chick doggy style? 1.00

01:20:48.000 Because her ass looks tremendous too. 1.00

01:20:50.000 That is a Bible verse? 1.00

01:20:52.000 It's a giant literary tattoo.

01:20:55.000 But maybe it's really like, hey, I want you to come right here in a second, but it's just written really fancy.

01:21:00.000 Corinthians.

01:21:00.000 No.

01:21:01.000 This is what it says. 1.00

01:21:02.000 This bitch is so crazy. 1.00

01:21:05.000 Love is patient. 1.00

01:21:07.000 Love is kind.

01:21:08.000 It does not envy. 1.00

01:21:11.000 This is all written on her ass. 1.00

01:21:15.000 Love is never boastful, not conceited, nor rude. 1.00

01:21:20.000 It's hard because of the curve of her ass. 1.00

01:21:23.000 Something self-seeking. 1.00

01:21:28.000 Calmly, not calmly, are angered?

01:21:31.000 Argued?

01:21:32.000 Argued.

01:21:33.000 It keeps no secrets, blah, blah, blah.

01:21:36.000 It does delight in evil, but rejoices in...

01:21:39.000 I can't read it.

01:21:40.000 Blah, blah, blah.

01:21:42.000 Protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.

01:21:47.000 There is never a blah, blah, blah something face.

01:21:50.000 There is no limit.

01:21:52.000 To its faith. 1.00

01:21:54.000 This is all on her ass! 1.00

01:21:56.000 If you do Google Translate, it just said, Rape by Father. 1.00

01:21:59.000 It keeps going, dude. 1.00

01:22:01.000 Is this on her ass, Chief? 1.00

01:22:02.000 Yes, this is all. 1.00

01:22:03.000 I'll show you.

01:22:04.000 Really?

01:22:04.000 But the greatest of them all is love.

01:22:06.000 Look at that.

01:22:06.000 Oh my God!

01:22:10.000 She wrote...

01:22:11.000 I mean, it's a paragraph. 0.98

01:22:11.000 I think I would lose my erection. 0.98

01:22:13.000 Joe, did you see this woman in Columbus? 0.96

01:22:14.000 The one that has all her tattoos, including Tom Segura, mine.

01:22:18.000 Not mine, but I know her.

01:22:19.000 She's awesome. 0.83

01:22:20.000 Yeah.

01:22:20.000 Did you sign it?

01:22:22.000 Yeah, that's...

01:22:23.000 That's Dom and Alyssa, right?

01:22:24.000 Yeah.

01:22:25.000 Did you sign it?

01:22:27.000 No, no, I didn't sign it.

01:22:28.000 Because she didn't ask me to.

01:22:30.000 But I signed Dom's leg.

01:22:32.000 Yeah.

01:22:33.000 Her brother, Dom. 1.00

01:22:34.000 I hope she covers all that shit up with a big Gucci Mane ice cream cone. 1.00

01:22:40.000 Have you seen that? 1.00

01:22:42.000 Yeah.

01:22:42.000 Gucci Mane put an ice cream cone on his face?

01:22:44.000 Yeah.

01:22:44.000 Well, what's his name?

01:22:46.000 And it says Burr.

01:22:48.000 Did you see it?

01:22:49.000 No.

01:22:50.000 Pull up the picture of Blue Pooch Humane ice cream cone face tattoo.

01:22:54.000 How about Big Baby Birdman's oil drill on his head? 0.77

01:22:58.000 Oil drill going tattooed on the side of his head.

01:23:01.000 Does he really?

01:23:02.000 Yes, man.

01:23:03.000 He's got giant stars all over his head too, right?

01:23:05.000 It's insane. 1.00

01:23:06.000 Do you know who just tattooed his fucking head? 1.00

01:23:08.000 Jason Ellis. 1.00

01:23:10.000 He put a giant...

01:23:10.000 Look at it.

01:23:11.000 Damn! 1.00

01:23:12.000 Look, it's got lightning bolts. 1.00

01:23:15.000 Shit. 1.00

01:23:16.000 Man, my ice cream be on fire! 1.00

01:23:18.000 Gucci Mane is crazy. 0.66

01:23:19.000 Look at him. 1.00

01:23:20.000 He put an ice cream cone on his face.

01:23:22.000 It says burr.

01:23:23.000 You see it?

01:23:24.000 You see it on the cone?

01:23:25.000 Yeah.

01:23:26.000 B-R-R-R. And the tattoo guy was like, okay.

01:23:30.000 I'm going to have to get you to request this on video.

01:23:36.000 And then I need you to write this down.

01:23:39.000 Come on, man.

01:23:40.000 Just tattoo it.

01:23:41.000 I ain't going to change my mind.

01:23:43.000 Put butter picard on my face, man.

01:23:45.000 Yo, dog.

01:23:46.000 Don't be giving me no vanilla ice cream.

01:23:48.000 I hate vanilla.

01:23:50.000 I want a cone.

01:23:51.000 A good one. 1.00

01:23:52.000 Like a waffle type motherfucker. 1.00

01:23:55.000 Cookie dough ice cream. 1.00

01:23:56.000 No spoon, man.

01:23:57.000 No spoon. 1.00

01:23:58.000 I lit that shit up. 0.99

01:23:58.000 Them delicious cones with the upper level that is like styrofoam-like. 0.99

01:24:04.000 The craziest part of the lightning bolts.

01:24:07.000 Put lightning on my ice cream. 1.00

01:24:09.000 But he's got other shit on his face, too. 1.00

01:24:11.000 He's got writing on his face, too. 1.00

01:24:13.000 He just uses his face to draw.

01:24:16.000 Can you see what it says under his eye?

01:24:17.000 Can you read what it says?

01:24:19.000 He has things on his eye?

01:24:20.000 Under his eye?

01:24:21.000 Oh, those are tattoos, too?

01:24:22.000 Oh, my God.

01:24:24.000 Under his eye says something? 1.00

01:24:26.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:24:27.000 What does that say? 1.00

01:24:29.000 I see.

01:24:30.000 What does it say?

01:24:32.000 1,000 veg?

01:24:33.000 I don't know.

01:24:33.000 It's hard to see.

01:24:34.000 Ten times ten with the S on the M. And on the other side he looks like a dove or something like that.

01:24:40.000 From the Honda's back.

01:24:41.000 Yeah, that dude is probably irrational.

01:24:44.000 Gucci?

01:24:47.000 Yeah.

01:24:47.000 What is his music like?

01:24:48.000 Have you ever heard his music?

01:24:49.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:24:50.000 Is it good?

01:24:51.000 I mean, yeah.

01:24:51.000 Gucci Mane's got some hits out there, man.

01:24:53.000 Really?

01:24:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:24:54.000 What's your favorite?

01:24:55.000 I don't know.

01:24:56.000 I don't remember the name.

01:24:57.000 Can we listen to a little bit of Gucci Mane?

01:24:59.000 I've definitely heard Gucci Mane.

01:25:00.000 Yeah.

01:25:01.000 Are we going to get kicked off YouTube if we put this up?

01:25:03.000 Yeah.

01:25:04.000 Does Gucci mean independent?

01:25:06.000 Is he out there working for the man?

01:25:08.000 Or does he have some universal contract?

01:25:10.000 He's got to have a big deal.

01:25:11.000 Yeah, he's got a big deal.

01:25:14.000 Are they having those big deals anymore?

01:25:15.000 The record industry.

01:25:17.000 We were just talking about the other day about how you used to be able to go to a town and you go to Tower Records and you can go pick up a CD. There's no Tower Records anymore.

01:25:26.000 No.

01:25:27.000 There's no Virgin Megastore.

01:25:29.000 Apparently, of course.

01:25:30.000 Have you seen Lil Poopy?

01:25:32.000 Lil Poopy? 0.54

01:25:32.000 L-I-L Poopy. 0.54

01:25:34.000 Have you seen him?

01:25:35.000 No.

01:25:36.000 He's a rapper?

01:25:37.000 He's a nine-year-old rapper and his name's Lil Poopy.

01:25:39.000 It is the best.

01:25:40.000 Alright, let me show you Lil Poopy. 1.00

01:25:42.000 That's better.

01:25:42.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:25:43.000 Pull that other thing up.

01:25:44.000 I want to hear Gucci Mane.

01:25:45.000 I want to hear Little Poopy.

01:25:46.000 Gucci Mane hangs out with the Rick Ross, the fake Rick Ross.

01:25:49.000 Please isolate.

01:25:50.000 I want to hear Gucci Mane.

01:25:52.000 I don't want to hear Little Poopy.

01:25:53.000 I'm not saying that the fake Rick Ross...

01:25:57.000 He's doing well, that fake red cross. 0.98

01:26:01.000 Okay, stop it.

01:26:02.000 There's no need for that music. 1.00

01:26:04.000 He's got better shit. 1.00

01:26:06.000 He's got another. 1.00

01:26:06.000 Look for his biggest hit. 1.00

01:26:08.000 Gucci Mane's biggest hit?

01:26:10.000 Yeah, you should get another sample.

01:26:13.000 But the fact that he's capable of that.

01:26:15.000 He's Mad Hood, man.

01:26:16.000 He's got to make it for the streets, you know what I'm saying?

01:26:18.000 Mad Hood?

01:26:18.000 Is that a Mad Hood song?

01:26:19.000 I think definitely. 0.99

01:26:20.000 That sounds like some shit you would hear bumping in ATL if you were going in the right group. 0.99

01:26:24.000 That song sounds like you locked him in a garage with a hundred cars running and made him breathe the fumes for a year. 1.00

01:26:32.000 Definitely.

01:26:32.000 And then you brought him out.

01:26:33.000 He was barely alive.

01:26:37.000 This is a little poopy.

01:26:41.000 Okay, this is terrible too.

01:26:43.000 Okay, okay, okay.

01:26:45.000 I don't want to get sued by a little poopy. 1.00

01:26:45.000 Give him some gooch, man! 1.00

01:26:47.000 Pull up Gucci Mane's greatest hit.

01:26:49.000 Try to find Gucci Mane's greatest hit.

01:26:51.000 I think we sorted by view count and that was.

01:26:53.000 Oh, really?

01:26:54.000 Do a search for it.

01:26:56.000 Yeah, he's got to have a bigger hit than that.

01:26:58.000 For sure.

01:26:59.000 Defending it.

01:27:00.000 I want you to get a good sample of Gucci.

01:27:03.000 Okay. 0.99

01:27:04.000 No, this is not going to be Gucci Mane as fuck. 0.99

01:27:07.000 He's going to put something else on. 1.00

01:27:08.000 Some buttholes.

01:27:08.000 He's going to put Rebecca Black Friday.

01:27:10.000 No, no.

01:27:16.000 That chick, her deal was... 1.00

01:27:17.000 They gave her a bunch of money.

01:27:19.000 Remember that girl?

01:27:19.000 Rebecca Black?

01:27:20.000 No, no, no.

01:27:21.000 I just heard Creation right then, right?

01:27:22.000 How do you even know who that is?

01:27:24.000 It was a big deal!

01:27:25.000 I feel like I know you, and then I feel like I don't.

01:27:29.000 She got a million dollar advance, which was not as common enough for an unknown artist, and then that album didn't sell well at all.

01:27:37.000 Really?

01:27:37.000 When was this?

01:27:38.000 I think within the last year.

01:27:40.000 Huh.

01:27:41.000 I don't know anybody today.

01:27:43.000 I'm just so out of the loop.

01:27:45.000 I'm pretty out of it.

01:27:46.000 I know stuff like that because it's in the news, and I know mostly the music I grew up on. 0.99

01:27:52.000 I'm not aware of a lot of the new shit. 0.96

01:27:54.000 Gucci Mane, I know because, you know, you're like a son to me, but that's it. 0.99

01:27:57.000 Yeah!

01:27:58.000 There's so much music that had been made. 0.95

01:28:02.000 When you think about the fact that from 1960, whatever, to today, you want to go crazy, you want to go with Robert Johnson, you can listen to some shit recorded in the 30s and 40s, right? 0.93

01:28:11.000 But think about that till today. 0.99

01:28:15.000 What a gigantic...

01:28:17.000 Pile of music that is.

01:28:19.000 There's so much out there.

01:28:21.000 What a body of work.

01:28:22.000 All the different musicians in the 60s, the 70s, the 50s.

01:28:26.000 Oh my god.

01:28:27.000 There's so much music.

01:28:29.000 To come up with new stuff, to really get me into it, it has to be like the Black Keys.

01:28:35.000 Spent just crazy amounts of money.

01:28:37.000 I got nine cars.

01:28:39.000 Yeah, he blew through a lot of it.

01:28:41.000 He was on that broke... 1.00

01:28:43.000 Special that they aired, and he was just like, if somebody pulled up, you know, in like a Ferrari, you're like, yeah, that shit's hot. 1.00

01:28:50.000 I gotta top that shit. 0.99

01:28:52.000 So then he would go like, that day, I got the Lambo with the brains blown out, man, like just to top each other. 1.00

01:28:58.000 Guys would just buy shit to show off, you know, to compete with each other on it. 0.99

01:29:02.000 They say that there's some ungodly number of people. 0.99

01:29:06.000 It's like 80% of all NFL players are broke and in bankruptcy within two years of retiring.

01:29:12.000 It's incredible.

01:29:13.000 I mean, you know, the older I get, the more I understand the younger guys having no, like, zero...

01:29:19.000 Sense.

01:29:20.000 And also zero, like, financial IQ. Like, they don't know.

01:29:24.000 At 21, they're like, here's $3 million.

01:29:27.000 And they're like, what?

01:29:28.000 Yo, let's get this party started! 0.97

01:29:31.000 You're 22. Can you imagine?

01:29:33.000 It's crazy.

01:29:33.000 But it's crazier when they're like, he played 10, 12, 16 years like Iverson, and he's blown through like $200 million.

01:29:43.000 Is Iverson broke now?

01:29:44.000 Yes.

01:29:46.000 And how old is he now?

01:29:47.000 He's 37, something like that.

01:29:49.000 And his body's not working right anymore.

01:29:51.000 Oh, he's out of the NBA, yeah.

01:29:53.000 And he's trying to play, but he's run through well into nine figures.

01:29:59.000 Wow.

01:30:00.000 You have to consider, he made a lot of endorsements.

01:30:05.000 Nine figures.

01:30:06.000 Nine figures, dude.

01:30:07.000 Yeah, make seven figures.

01:30:09.000 Girls would be like, whoa, he makes seven figures.

01:30:11.000 It's like, can I make nine?

01:30:13.000 Nine.

01:30:14.000 I blew to it all.

01:30:15.000 That's crazy, man.

01:30:17.000 Whoopsies.

01:30:18.000 That's crazy.

01:30:20.000 He blew $300 million!

01:30:22.000 It's so much.

01:30:23.000 They interviewed one defensive guy on the broke thing and he was like, I don't know why man, but everybody had a car wash. 0.99

01:30:39.000 He's like, we all had a fucking car wash, man. 1.00

01:30:42.000 That shit did not last. 1.00

01:30:44.000 Like, we all spent money on a car wash. 1.00

01:30:47.000 We all bought a car wash.

01:30:48.000 Yeah, man, you ain't got your own car wash. 1.00

01:30:51.000 And Bart Scott, he was like, you buy shit that's unnecessary. 0.97

01:30:54.000 He's not broke at all. 0.99

01:30:56.000 He's still playing, and he's like, I'm smarter with my money. 1.00

01:30:59.000 But he's like, you know, everybody's a stupid purchase. 1.00

01:31:01.000 I bought a coat. 1.00

01:31:01.000 I think it was made of wolf. 1.00

01:31:03.000 And I... He's like, I wore that shit once. 1.00

01:31:10.000 And it was like $35,000. 1.00

01:31:13.000 You can wear a wolf coat?

01:31:15.000 I think so, man.

01:31:16.000 Jesus Christ.

01:31:18.000 A wolf coat. 1.00

01:31:20.000 That shit would be dope. 1.00

01:31:21.000 My dogs would attack it. 1.00

01:31:23.000 It wouldn't let a wolf in the house like that.

01:31:24.000 I was thinking about how absurd is it, like how unprepared my mind is.

01:31:29.000 I'm not prepared to see grown men in any type of fur.

01:31:33.000 If you don't have an AK-47 in your hand, or you're not a coke dealer, or you're stepping off a team plane, I'm not mentally prepared to see a man in fur.

01:31:44.000 Or you're Russian. 0.72

01:31:45.000 In Siberia, with a hatchet in your hand.

01:31:47.000 Sure. 0.99

01:31:48.000 And you've got your Kalashnikov and you're ready to fucking get down. 1.00

01:31:51.000 Other than that, walking around with dudes have fur shit on. 1.00

01:31:53.000 So warm. 0.99

01:31:54.000 Have you ever worn a fur coat?

01:31:55.000 I put my mother's on when I was like 12. I have a friend who is a rich guy back in Boston, and he wore a full-length fur coat.

01:32:04.000 And I go, what is that?

01:32:06.000 He's like, it's a mink coat.

01:32:07.000 I go, you're wearing a mink coat. 0.89

01:32:09.000 He goes, yeah.

01:32:10.000 He goes, you got to try it on.

01:32:11.000 I go, really?

01:32:12.000 He goes, yeah, try it on, try it on.

01:32:13.000 I go, okay.

01:32:14.000 I'm like, oh my god.

01:32:15.000 It's crazy.

01:32:15.000 It's so warm.

01:32:17.000 They're so comfortable.

01:32:18.000 Yeah.

01:32:18.000 You know?

01:32:19.000 It's gross when they have the legs still attached around the top. 0.89

01:32:22.000 Have you seen it?

01:32:23.000 That's gangster.

01:32:24.000 That's like shrunken heads.

01:32:25.000 That's pretty crazy.

01:32:26.000 It's like people wearing shrunken heads. 1.00

01:32:27.000 Look, I got my fucking conquest. 1.00

01:32:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:32:30.000 It keeps you warm. 0.99

01:32:31.000 People are like, well, you know, I really think it's fucked up that people kill minks. 1.00

01:32:36.000 It is fucked up that people kill minks. 1.00

01:32:38.000 It totally is. 1.00

01:32:39.000 But you know what happens when people don't kill minks?

01:32:42.000 They get eaten alive by wolves.

01:32:44.000 Yeah.

01:32:45.000 Yeah, they get killed.

01:32:46.000 They don't live.

01:32:47.000 It's not like a minx is going to live forever. 1.00

01:32:50.000 I get it, though.

01:32:52.000 It's tough to rationally look at it and say, you think it's okay to kill an animal just for its fur?

01:32:59.000 I say no.

01:33:00.000 I say no. 0.80

01:33:00.000 I say the only way you should kill an animal is if you're going to use the whole animal. 0.80

01:33:04.000 Eat it. 0.99

01:33:05.000 Eat it for sure.

01:33:06.000 That, I think, is the most important.

01:33:08.000 If you use the other parts of it as well, yeah.

01:33:10.000 But just the fur? 0.98

01:33:11.000 Man, that seems fucked up. 0.99

01:33:13.000 I agree. 1.00

01:33:14.000 And then what's even worse on the same line is when they kill the fucking elephants for the tusks. 1.00

01:33:20.000 That's just the worst, man. 1.00

01:33:22.000 That's dark.

01:33:23.000 There's a big controversy about that with pool players.

01:33:26.000 Because there's a lot of parts of pool cues that they use ivory for.

01:33:31.000 Oh, really?

01:33:32.000 Yeah, but it has to be pre-ban ivory.

01:33:35.000 And they're really good at monitoring where the ivory comes from.

01:33:40.000 Occasionally people get arrested for selling illegal ivory.

01:33:43.000 There was a guy that distributed stuff for pool cue makers like ivory and exotic woods and stuff along those lines.

01:33:53.000 He got arrested a few years back because he was selling... 1.00

01:33:57.000 Illegal ivory, like they take that shit very seriously. 1.00

01:34:00.000 Oh, I'm glad. 1.00

01:34:02.000 But you're allowed to have it.

01:34:03.000 You're allowed to have the banned ivory.

01:34:06.000 And the idea is that, first of all, those animals are dead, okay?

01:34:10.000 And they killed so many of them.

01:34:12.000 So many.

01:34:12.000 Ivory was worth so much money that between I think it was like 1980 and whenever the band was instituted in 1987, their population dipped by over a million.

01:34:24.000 I think they were at like 1.5 million and they were down to 500,000.

01:34:28.000 So it's imperative that people understand that a lot of the ivory that you use today and stuff is like there's so much of it, you don't have to kill anything for it. 0.97

01:34:41.000 And if you don't use it, it's kind of fucked. 0.98

01:34:43.000 Right. 0.99

01:34:44.000 Because that means somebody murdered these animals for their ivory and then didn't use them for things. 1.00

01:34:49.000 But if you murder them now and use their ivory for shit, it's fucked up. 1.00

01:34:53.000 It's a real gray area if you look at it that way. 1.00

01:34:55.000 It's like, would you be willing to have ivory tusks if you found them in a store in your house, like mounted?

01:35:03.000 They're beautiful and they're crazy to look at.

01:35:04.000 If you've ever seen them, there's a mammoth tusk at this museum. 0.99

01:35:08.000 It's fucking fascinating, man. 0.96

01:35:10.000 It's amazing. 0.98

01:35:11.000 But...

01:35:13.000 As far as we know, nobody ever shot a mammoth.

01:35:15.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

01:35:16.000 You're dealing with an elephant that some dude put a sniper bullet through his fucking brain. 1.00

01:35:20.000 I think it would make me too sad to have that around. 1.00

01:35:23.000 Probably, right?

01:35:24.000 Yeah, because there's only one way you get those things.

01:35:26.000 Well, two ways. 0.97

01:35:27.000 The animal dies on its own, which is pretty fucking rare. 0.90

01:35:30.000 That's not how usually you get them. 0.98

01:35:31.000 They can live a long time, right?

01:35:32.000 Yeah, they can live a long time.

01:35:34.000 Or that's the other problem. 0.99

01:35:36.000 They live a long time and they're fucking smart. 0.99

01:35:39.000 Elephants are smart. 0.99

01:35:41.000 Elephants recognize each other after not seeing each other for like 20 years.

01:35:45.000 It's crazy.

01:35:46.000 It's crazy to watch.

01:35:47.000 They run over and grab trunks and wrap their trunks around each other.

01:35:51.000 They're like cuddling, practically. 0.99

01:35:54.000 Yeah, it's fucked up. 0.99

01:35:56.000 For years, people just slaughtered them for ivory. 0.99

01:36:00.000 That's the thing, too.

01:36:02.000 They're killing these big, beautiful animals just for one thing, and then they're like, yeah, that's cool, and then they move along. 1.00

01:36:07.000 Those animals will fucking kill you, too, though. 1.00

01:36:09.000 Are these elephants going to fuck? 1.00

01:36:11.000 All right. 1.00

01:36:12.000 Wow.

01:36:13.000 Can you imagine having to carry that weight?

01:36:14.000 Look at the size of that thing.

01:36:16.000 The tape is going in. 0.99

01:36:17.000 I don't think they have big dicks, dude. 1.00

01:36:18.000 I think he's trying to go deep, but he barely has a dick. 1.00

01:36:21.000 Ooh, there is that thrust right there. 1.00

01:36:23.000 Look at the size of his body.

01:36:25.000 Jesus. 1.00

01:36:25.000 Look at the ass muscles on that thing. 1.00

01:36:27.000 Have you ever thought about that? 0.98

01:36:28.000 It'd be cool if they walk around with that all the time.

01:36:30.000 What do you think he squats, that guy?

01:36:31.000 Oh, he could do a house.

01:36:33.000 Put a whole house on his back, he'll squat it.

01:36:34.000 Oh my god.

01:36:35.000 Look at the size of his muscles. 1.00

01:36:37.000 What a freaky fucking animal an elephant is. 0.99

01:36:39.000 And he's just dropping right now. 1.00

01:36:40.000 He's just like, ah! 0.99

01:36:41.000 He's in an intense fucking low dropping. 0.99

01:36:43.000 Elephants are so much weirder than the Avatar people. 0.99

01:36:47.000 Oh yeah, they are.

01:36:49.000 They're so weird.

01:36:50.000 That trunk is completely alien. 1.00

01:36:52.000 A long nose that picks shit up. 1.00

01:36:54.000 What? 1.00

01:36:55.000 There's no other thing like it.

01:36:57.000 Oh, did you see that spray? 1.00

01:37:00.000 That's a huge dick, dude. 1.00

01:37:01.000 That's a hog on that guy. 1.00

01:37:02.000 That's a hog in a half.

01:37:03.000 Look at the size of that thing. 1.00

01:37:04.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:37:05.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:37:06.000 Are we allowed to show elephant hogs?

01:37:08.000 Of course.

01:37:09.000 It's okay because it's like nature. 0.99

01:37:11.000 Yeah, that was a big dick. 1.00

01:37:14.000 That could kill you. 1.00

01:37:17.000 Definitely. 1.00

01:37:17.000 Not as big as a horse's dick, though, I don't think. 1.00

01:37:19.000 That? 1.00

01:37:20.000 I think that was bigger.

01:37:21.000 No, no, no.

01:37:21.000 What we just saw right there?

01:37:22.000 No, horses have ridiculous dicks. 1.00

01:37:24.000 But gorillas, this is a gorilla. 0.99

01:37:26.000 A lot of people don't know this. 0.99

01:37:27.000 Smaller dicks. 0.98

01:37:28.000 Yeah, we'll be visiting again with our friend Dr. Christopher Ryan. 0.98

01:37:34.000 He's going to be back on the podcast.

01:37:35.000 He's the author of that book, Sex at Dawn.

01:37:38.000 And he'll be on Monday the 25th.

01:37:46.000 And looking forward to that. 1.00

01:37:47.000 But one of the things that he said is that gorillas, in his book he talks about dick size, gorillas have really little dicks. 1.00

01:37:54.000 And the reason why they have little dicks is because they didn't have to have a big dick to dominate. 1.00

01:38:01.000 We're good. 1.00

01:38:21.000 Chimpanzees don't run any sort of brothel.

01:38:25.000 They don't have like a harem of chicks like a gorilla does.

01:38:27.000 Chimpanzees can't rock it like that. 1.00

01:38:29.000 Chimpanzee girls are just too slutty. 1.00

01:38:31.000 So chimpanzees, because of this, have enormous testicles. 0.99

01:38:35.000 And the reason why they have enormous testicles, on a male primate, the testicle size is directly proportionate to the amount of Of promiscuous females that are in your area. 0.99

01:38:45.000 Really? 0.99

01:38:45.000 Yes. 0.99

01:38:46.000 So if the females are monogamous and you don't have to compete to earn their trust and their sex, your balls shrivel up. 1.00

01:38:53.000 Your dick shrivels up. 1.00

01:38:54.000 You don't need as much jizz. 1.00

01:38:56.000 But when there's competition, when there's a lot of shit going down, that's when you need to have big balls and a big dick. 1.00

01:39:03.000 Humans have the biggest dicks out of all the primates. 1.00

01:39:07.000 Human dicks are bigger than chimps. 1.00

01:39:09.000 Chimps are next. 0.99

01:39:10.000 But it's because human girls are the sluttiest of the sluts out of all the animal community. 1.00

01:39:15.000 Oh, right. 1.00

01:39:15.000 Those dirty bitches. 1.00

01:39:17.000 So our dicks have to compensate for those. 1.00

01:39:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:19.000 And the bigger the dude's dick is, the most likely bigger the amount of sluts he's around. 1.00

01:39:23.000 Wow. 1.00

01:39:24.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:39:25.000 Yeah, it is.

01:39:25.000 Genetically, like in his environment where he was born and conceived.

01:39:30.000 Ball size, too, probably.

01:39:31.000 Yeah, I mean, over the course of, obviously, generation after generation.

01:39:34.000 It's not like it's an instant thing. 1.00

01:39:35.000 Your mom's a whore. 1.00

01:39:36.000 You got a giant dick. 1.00

01:39:37.000 Right. 1.00

01:39:40.000 It's not like that, but that's the reason for it.

01:39:43.000 Wow. 0.99

01:39:44.000 Isn't that fucked? 1.00

01:39:45.000 Yeah, absolutely. 1.00

01:39:46.000 But it makes sense.

01:39:47.000 I mean, we look at all sexual things so emotionally.

01:39:51.000 You know, we always look at it like, you know, we look at it as ourselves. 1.00

01:39:54.000 You know, like, come on, why does she care about the fucking, why does she care how big my dick is if you love me? 1.00

01:40:00.000 Nature doesn't care about your emotions. 1.00

01:40:02.000 Nature doesn't care about your desire for acceptance.

01:40:06.000 It cares about numbers. 0.97

01:40:08.000 It cares about who is going to make the most babies, who's going to be the most effective breeding, who's going to have the bigger dick that's going to transfer to his children having a bigger dick, who's going to have the most ambitious personality that transfers into his genetics and passes on epigenetically to his offspring and they become more aggressive and more ambitious. 0.98

01:40:27.000 I mean that's what nature favors. 0.94

01:40:29.000 Nature favors like the numbers of the whole.

01:40:32.000 Nature isn't really like looking at your emotions and your problems.

01:40:35.000 Your emotions are basically a trick. 0.84

01:40:37.000 And all of them are just set up to get you to do shit that nature wants you to do.

01:40:40.000 Whether it's your emotions for your, you know, your connection to your loved ones, as real as it is and as palpable as it is to you, it's really also, it's sort of a reward system that the universe has set up to make sure that you keep interacting with people, keep breeding,

01:40:56.000 and keep perpetuating the civilization in its current form.

01:41:02.000 All these emotions, it's all set up to make sure that you keep going. 0.98

01:41:06.000 The universe doesn't give a fuck about you. 0.90

01:41:08.000 The universe is busy constructing a grand design that you're a part of. 1.00

01:41:14.000 And that's also your big dick. 1.00

01:41:16.000 Your big dick is a part of that, Tommy. 1.00

01:41:18.000 Your big dick is a part of the universe's grand design. 1.00

01:41:20.000 It's part of the blueprint. 1.00

01:41:21.000 The result of it.

01:41:23.000 What is that?

01:41:24.000 What is this?

01:41:26.000 It's that thing that doctor found the other day.

01:41:28.000 Oh, the doctor found the alien.

01:41:29.000 It looks realistic.

01:41:31.000 Totally looks like a real person.

01:41:33.000 I thought you were showing me something so much worse than this.

01:41:36.000 Brian, I think that's a birth defect.

01:41:37.000 I don't think that's funny at all.

01:41:38.000 What is this?

01:41:39.000 I don't know.

01:41:39.000 It's listed as...

01:41:41.000 A frog person?

01:41:42.000 Yeah, half human, half frog.

01:41:46.000 Encephalectic baby.

01:41:47.000 Yeah, that's a baby with a terrible disease, buddy.

01:41:50.000 Oh, sure.

01:41:51.000 That was real.

01:41:52.000 Yeah.

01:41:52.000 I thought that was a frog.

01:41:53.000 No, it looks like a frog. 0.89

01:41:55.000 It looks like a frog, but it's a sick disease. 0.67

01:41:57.000 Isn't it funny?

01:41:59.000 It was funny for a couple seconds, and then it wasn't funny.

01:42:02.000 Yeah.

01:42:03.000 It was funny when we thought it was an animation.

01:42:05.000 Yeah, because that one disease, like this disease, I was...

01:42:09.000 Freaky.

01:42:10.000 Oh, what is that?

01:42:10.000 I forget the name of the disease.

01:42:12.000 It's where it's...

01:42:13.000 Oh, yeah.

01:42:14.000 I don't want to watch anyone.

01:42:15.000 Yeah, don't watch that. 0.68

01:42:16.000 That's a horrible baby that looks like a lizard. 0.52

01:42:19.000 Yeah.

01:42:20.000 Jesus, man.

01:42:21.000 Yeah, there's a lot of bad rolls of the dice you can get for reals. 1.00

01:42:26.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:42:27.000 Do you ever feel bad about the midge joke you do? 1.00

01:42:31.000 Talk about bad rolls of the dice.

01:42:33.000 I mean, I felt badly...

01:42:37.000 I haven't done that in a long time, because it got old to me, just saying it.

01:42:42.000 I mean, I haven't said it in a while, but...

01:42:47.000 I felt bad when this couple one time at a show got really – like the woman was crying hysterically over it.

01:42:54.000 Whoa.

01:42:56.000 Like it was so weird.

01:42:57.000 Is she a big fan of Little House on the Prairie or – What's a show with a midget? 1.00

01:43:03.000 Oh, the big people Little World, right?

01:43:05.000 That's one.

01:43:06.000 That's one.

01:43:06.000 I don't know why I said Little House and a Prayer.

01:43:08.000 Because little.

01:43:09.000 Little people. 0.82

01:43:09.000 Was she The Wizard of Oz? 0.82

01:43:11.000 Maybe it was that.

01:43:12.000 Was that?

01:43:13.000 Wizard of Oz.

01:43:14.000 Maybe that was a big one for her.

01:43:15.000 She really...

01:43:16.000 Yeah, they got upset, man.

01:43:18.000 I felt bad about that.

01:43:19.000 Did she talk to you?

01:43:20.000 No, her husband followed me offstage to the bathroom.

01:43:24.000 Oh, jeez.

01:43:24.000 And he goes, really funny stuff, really funny.

01:43:27.000 I was like, thanks, man.

01:43:28.000 I thought I was just like a regular guy.

01:43:29.000 Uh-huh.

01:43:30.000 Thanks a lot, man.

01:43:31.000 And he goes, and then, you know that midget stuff you do? 1.00

01:43:36.000 You know those jokes? 1.00

01:43:36.000 And I was like, oh, shit. 1.00

01:43:38.000 I really thought this one was going to punch me. 1.00

01:43:40.000 I was like, yeah.

01:43:41.000 And he goes, um...

01:43:44.000 Yeah, so, you know, my son is a dwarf. 1.00

01:43:47.000 And I was like, yeah.

01:43:49.000 And he started talking.

01:43:51.000 I go, I get it, man.

01:43:52.000 I understand.

01:43:53.000 He's like, you understand?

01:43:54.000 I go, I understand how what I said is offensive to you.

01:43:58.000 And he said, it's not offensive to me.

01:43:59.000 It's offensive to him and what he's going to become.

01:44:02.000 And I was like...

01:44:04.000 Yeah, I get it, man.

01:44:06.000 So the next show... 0.99

01:44:08.000 Oh, and then after that, the fucking... 0.99

01:44:11.000 The guy went back to see... 1.00

01:44:13.000 I was like, Jesus Christ. 0.97

01:44:15.000 And I was like, that sucked. 0.82

01:44:17.000 And I was standing out front, and then at the end of the show... 0.67

01:44:21.000 Or actually, no, the show was still going on.

01:44:22.000 I saw him and a woman talking to the manager, and she was hysterical.

01:44:30.000 Like, just crying and screaming.

01:44:34.000 And she didn't know that I was watching.

01:44:35.000 I was watching from like 25 feet away. 1.00

01:44:38.000 And the guy, she's telling the manager, and I can hear her saying, he's such an asshole. 1.00

01:44:43.000 He's such an asshole. 1.00

01:44:45.000 And I can hear the manager going, he's not an asshole. 1.00

01:44:49.000 He's not an asshole. 0.98

01:44:50.000 He's a nice guy. 0.94

01:44:51.000 And I was like, I couldn't believe that he was saying that.

01:44:53.000 And then...

01:44:55.000 He was like, I'll tell you what I'll do.

01:44:56.000 I'll give you tickets to come back.

01:44:59.000 You tell me any show you want to come to.

01:45:01.000 And I'll give you tickets to that.

01:45:03.000 And then they were like, okay.

01:45:04.000 And they were leaving. 0.99

01:45:06.000 And then he stopped them and he was like, just so you know, I can't promise you the same shit won't happen at that next show. 0.99

01:45:11.000 And they were like, I guess so. 0.99

01:45:13.000 And then they left.

01:45:16.000 So I felt badly that I... Upset a family.

01:45:22.000 And I get what upset them.

01:45:23.000 But I still think that the joke, for the most part, was funny.

01:45:29.000 Like, I thought it was a funny joke.

01:45:30.000 The bit, or whatever.

01:45:31.000 So, I kind of thought about it.

01:45:33.000 And then...

01:45:35.000 You know, I stopped doing it really out of boredom.

01:45:38.000 The next show, I made a joke about that couple.

01:45:43.000 I told them how the lady got upset at me.

01:45:45.000 Would you do that joke?

01:45:47.000 I'm not the one that filled you up with spoiled milk.

01:45:49.000 Don't get mad at me.

01:45:50.000 Did you say that?

01:45:50.000 On stage.

01:45:52.000 Oh, that's fucked up. 0.99

01:45:55.000 But I mean, it wasn't that. 0.99

01:45:56.000 I'm not the one who filled you with spoiled milk.

01:45:58.000 Oh, that's so wrong.

01:45:59.000 But I really feel like it goes back to what we were talking about.

01:46:02.000 I mean, and I realize it is super subjective and people can definitely tell me that that joke is not funny.

01:46:07.000 I respect that.

01:46:08.000 I'm not in the...

01:46:09.000 I don't take the position of, I'm going to argue with you about how things are funny or something that I said.

01:46:16.000 Yeah.

01:46:16.000 I'm just saying that when I said it, I thought it was funny.

01:46:19.000 That's what I'm going out on.

01:46:21.000 I thought when I said it, it was funny.

01:46:23.000 There are jokes that I've done in the past that I go, those are just, yeah, I mean some of course are easy jokes, some are really just jokes that I get bored of saying.

01:46:32.000 It's not funny to me anymore, not because I didn't think it was a funny thing at first, it's just old to me.

01:46:37.000 You get bored of it.

01:46:38.000 Yeah, I got bored of it, so I stopped saying it.

01:46:40.000 Yeah, and there's...

01:46:41.000 Stop with this.

01:46:42.000 You don't like this? 1.00

01:46:42.000 No, I don't like this shit. 1.00

01:46:46.000 It's like when you create a bit, when you have a bit, and you do a bit that's super controversial like this, what you're essentially doing is you're establishing your parameters. 0.99

01:46:56.000 If you're going to go see my show, you're going to get this, and you might get this.

01:47:00.000 It goes this far.

01:47:02.000 And there's certain guys that you know that you know when you go see them, They're basically not going to talk about anything controversial.

01:47:10.000 They're not going to say anything mean or cruel.

01:47:12.000 And so you know that guy's parameters, too.

01:47:14.000 Like if you go see Jerry Seinfeld, for instance, you're not going to get a whole lot of ass-to-mouth jokes at the Jerry Seinfeld show.

01:47:21.000 He's dropped so many of his ATM material.

01:47:23.000 Can you imagine if he got divorced and just started doing ecstasy and hitting the club?

01:47:28.000 Well, I realize I'm almost dead. 0.97

01:47:31.000 And I'm rich, so I only go ass to mouth. 0.95

01:47:35.000 They won't go ass to mouth. 0.98

01:47:36.000 I don't want to talk to them. 0.94

01:47:38.000 Why do I talk to you when she'll go ass to mouth? 1.00

01:47:41.000 You explain it to me. 1.00

01:47:42.000 You say I'm stupid. 1.00

01:47:43.000 Jesus. 1.00

01:47:44.000 She'll go ass to mouth and you won't. 1.00

01:47:46.000 Put it in her ass? 1.00

01:47:46.000 Seems like simple math. 1.00

01:47:47.000 I just put it in her mouth. 1.00

01:47:49.000 Why are we arguing when I can just be driving a Porsche?

01:47:53.000 Yeah, I mean, you know that you go see him, you're not going to get a midget joke. 1.00

01:47:57.000 You're not going to get some...

01:47:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:47:59.000 But part of establishing yourself as a comic is you got to know who's going to say fucked up shit. 1.00

01:48:08.000 And the comedians that say fucked up shit to me... 1.00

01:48:11.000 Even if I don't laugh at it, I'm not particularly fond of midget jokes, but I love the fact that a guy is going to do a joke about anything. 1.00

01:48:21.000 You're not going to worry about pissing people off. 0.99

01:48:23.000 You're just going to do fucked up. 0.97

01:48:25.000 So you're in a certain frequency that I enjoy comedy-wise. 0.99

01:48:29.000 If I was just a fan, if I wasn't a comedian, I would totally go see you.

01:48:32.000 I'd be psyched. 0.99

01:48:34.000 Because of that element of danger, because of that element of, you know, fucked up-edness. 0.99

01:48:41.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:48:41.000 Well, thanks, man. 0.98

01:48:43.000 But isn't it?

01:48:43.000 I mean, it's like...

01:48:44.000 Don't you feel the same way?

01:48:46.000 Like, it's your favorite kind of comedy to watch, right?

01:48:48.000 I mean, it's why I think I... I mean, I got into comedy because I love comedy.

01:48:53.000 And the guys, like...

01:48:54.000 I always say it, and I guess it's not entirely fair, and I'm aware of that, but in my mind what I say to people who, as a fan, who don't do things like that, I just, in my mind, go, I'm going to be bored. 0.94

01:49:08.000 I want to see somebody Do something fucked up. 1.00

01:49:11.000 Talk about fucked up shit. 1.00

01:49:12.000 I want to hear jokes about drugs and sex and fucked up things because that's what makes me laugh. 1.00

01:49:19.000 So that's what I want to see. 0.95

01:49:20.000 And I want to see people that work in that circle.

01:49:23.000 That's what interests me.

01:49:24.000 Yeah, that's all that interests me too.

01:49:25.000 And for the longest time, I was told that that was the wrong kind of comedy.

01:49:30.000 I was told that you shouldn't do that kind of comedy because it's cheap and easy jokes.

01:49:35.000 But I was like, but God, that's what I want to hear.

01:49:37.000 Yeah, that's what you like.

01:49:37.000 When I knew a guy was coming into town, I remember when I first started doing stand-up, I went to see a bunch of stand-ups when I first started, my first year of comedy.

01:49:47.000 I was real lucky because at that time in Boston, there was a couple big national clubs.

01:49:52.000 There wasn't a lot of national clubs back then.

01:49:54.000 There was an improv in New York.

01:49:56.000 But there wasn't even an improv in LA yet.

01:49:58.000 Not an improv in LA. There wasn't even an improv in Boston yet.

01:50:01.000 There was an improv in New York, an improv in LA, and the Boston one opened I think in like 89 or 90 or something along those lines.

01:50:13.000 So guys who wanted to work and travel the country, there wasn't as many options as there is now.

01:50:21.000 So we would get top level headliners in every week.

01:50:24.000 Catch a Rising Star in Cambridge.

01:50:27.000 I don't even know if it's open anymore. 0.98

01:50:29.000 I think it went under, which is a goddamn shame. 0.92

01:50:32.000 I saw Kevin Meaney there. 0.98

01:50:35.000 I was in high school.

01:50:37.000 I just graduated high school when I saw Kevin Meaney there.

01:50:39.000 I saw Rich Jenny there.

01:50:41.000 I saw so many comics that were big name headliners come through. 0.99

01:50:45.000 And I always enjoyed it when they were fucked up. 0.99

01:50:48.000 I remember I would go way out of my way if I knew that a guy was going to do some crazy shit. 1.00

01:50:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:53.000 Talk about some crazy shit. 1.00

01:50:54.000 If it went, it went nutty. 1.00

01:50:56.000 And if it didn't go nutty, I understood.

01:50:58.000 I understood.

01:50:59.000 But I would get a giddy joy if Doug Stanhope was doing his...

01:51:04.000 Have you heard his new bit about fantasy football?

01:51:06.000 Uh-uh.

01:51:08.000 Phenomenal. 1.00

01:51:09.000 It's so fucked up. 0.99

01:51:11.000 First of all, Doug's crowd is so much different than my crowd. 1.00

01:51:15.000 They're very different.

01:51:17.000 They're very different. 1.00

01:51:19.000 There's a lot of crossover, but his fucking people are hammered. 1.00

01:51:24.000 Really? 1.00

01:51:25.000 Hammered and talking.

01:51:27.000 I mean, they were so loud.

01:51:30.000 We went to see him in Cincinnati.

01:51:32.000 We went to Go Bananas, right?

01:51:33.000 Yeah, we did our show at the Taft, and then we came over to Go Bananas.

01:51:37.000 Love that place. 0.99

01:51:37.000 We had a great fucking time. 0.99

01:51:39.000 Go Bananas is awesome. 0.99

01:51:40.000 And then we went next door to McLeavy's.

01:51:43.000 We went next door to the bar, and Stan Hope and I were bartending.

01:51:45.000 You were bartending, too, for a while, didn't you?

01:51:47.000 I bartended for a half hour.

01:51:48.000 I was still bartending.

01:51:49.000 You guys are gone.

01:51:50.000 I'm like, wait, why am I doing this?

01:51:53.000 Yeah, we were handing out drinks and giving away drinks for free.

01:51:56.000 I would give away like 10 drinks and then I would just take 100 bucks and throw it in the tip barrel.

01:52:02.000 I'm like, I don't know.

01:52:03.000 I go, I don't know how much this stuff costs, so I'm just giving people booze and I'm just going to start paying for it.

01:52:08.000 So I would give people, I was giving out free drinks and then I would throw money in that bucket.

01:52:13.000 I don't know if it evens out.

01:52:15.000 Like we were in Australia and you bought everybody that ever walked into a bar a drink?

01:52:20.000 We went off in Australia.

01:52:21.000 That was one of the few times in my life where we purposely decided to go deep.

01:52:26.000 Yeah, that was pretty fun. 1.00

01:52:27.000 Me and Tommy and Eddie Bravo, we were in Sydney and we went to the movies and we were super disappointed with that stupid fucking island movie. 1.00

01:52:36.000 Shutter Island. 1.00

01:52:36.000 Yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio. 1.00

01:52:38.000 Oh, psych, none of this actually happened.

01:52:40.000 I'm actually crazy.

01:52:42.000 We were so angry.

01:52:43.000 And we were angry at so many people that weren't angry.

01:52:45.000 That was more upsetting.

01:52:47.000 That was way more upsetting.

01:52:49.000 So many people like that movie.

01:52:50.000 So we decided to go Taiwan on.

01:52:53.000 And we went to this local bar and it just started.

01:52:59.000 We got some shots, we met some friends, made some friends, some nice people that were there, wanted to take a couple of pictures.

01:53:06.000 We took the pictures. 1.00

01:53:07.000 And then when somebody wanted to take a picture, I'm like, come on, motherfucker. 0.99

01:53:10.000 You want a drink? 1.00

01:53:10.000 Let's drink. 1.00

01:53:11.000 Come on, we're drinking.

01:53:11.000 And I just point at people.

01:53:12.000 You want a drink?

01:53:14.000 Who's in?

01:53:14.000 Are you guys in?

01:53:15.000 I was buying drinks for 20, 30 people at a time.

01:53:18.000 The waitresses were stacking trays of shots.

01:53:21.000 And just a giant group of people were all cheering and drinking.

01:53:25.000 And by the way, I think after that experience, that's the coolest way you can ever spend your first night in a foreign country.

01:53:31.000 Oh, yeah.

01:53:31.000 It's like, thank you for having me in your country.

01:53:34.000 Everybody gets drinks.

01:53:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:53:35.000 That was the most fucking fun. 0.99

01:53:36.000 I spent more money in that bar than I've ever spent in a bar. 0.98

01:53:39.000 I hope so.

01:53:40.000 It was thousands of dollars.

01:53:42.000 But it was so fun.

01:53:43.000 You were nice enough to tell people, we've been buying people drinks all night.

01:53:47.000 When we walked out, I was like, nah, we haven't.

01:53:50.000 He's been buying people drinks all night.

01:53:51.000 I brought $50.

01:53:54.000 Well, we were all together, so it's we.

01:53:56.000 Yeah, that was fun, man.

01:53:57.000 It was the way to do it. 0.63

01:53:58.000 Because it was like, when you're all drunk, when everybody's drunk, when you're dealing with 20, 30, I mean, how many people were there at the end?

01:54:07.000 Hundreds.

01:54:08.000 We had a lot of people who were drinking that place. 0.90

01:54:10.000 Yeah, there's hundreds of people, dude.

01:54:12.000 And we're high-fiving people. 0.99

01:54:13.000 But we made sure that everyone was fucked up. 1.00

01:54:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:54:16.000 So we were all on the same boat together.

01:54:17.000 Of course.

01:54:17.000 And it was very friendly.

01:54:18.000 Everybody was happy and everybody was friendly.

01:54:20.000 And people were all like, huggy, high-five, take a picture.

01:54:24.000 You know, they were all friendly.

01:54:25.000 The waiters were happy.

01:54:26.000 The bartenders were happy.

01:54:28.000 They were all laughing.

01:54:29.000 It's like, the fact that you can make a moment like that happen. 0.98

01:54:32.000 But goddamn that I paid for it the next day. 0.98

01:54:35.000 Woo! 0.99

01:54:36.000 You did a business manager call.

01:54:37.000 Hey, hey, hey, what happened?

01:54:38.000 No.

01:54:38.000 No, in my head.

01:54:39.000 No, the money was well spent.

01:54:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:54:41.000 Because my dome was fucking pounding. 0.99

01:54:43.000 That's a lot. 0.99

01:54:43.000 That's a shit thing to do, too, because the next day, like, I had to really fire up to do the show. 0.99

01:54:49.000 I was, like, noticeably slower. 0.99

01:54:51.000 Yeah.

01:54:51.000 You know?

01:54:52.000 And I think I was probably even noticeably, like, slow the next day when the UFC was on.

01:54:56.000 Really?

01:54:56.000 It's like, yeah, probably, man.

01:54:57.000 I got drunk. 0.99

01:54:58.000 I mean, that was pretty goddamn drunk. 0.99

01:55:00.000 You can't get that drunk and bounce... 0.99

01:55:03.000 Bounce right back.

01:55:03.000 We were also that drunk coming off of that flight.

01:55:07.000 Sixteen hours.

01:55:08.000 Right.

01:55:08.000 Or whatever it is.

01:55:09.000 Yeah.

01:55:09.000 And then...

01:55:10.000 Yeah.

01:55:10.000 But then we didn't...

01:55:11.000 Our bodies already went past...

01:55:14.000 When we should have gone to bed, which probably, I don't know, in the early evening or something, we rode that out into late night there.

01:55:21.000 So we did a full day and change over.

01:55:24.000 They say you should do that, though, to reset your clock.

01:55:29.000 They say just have one day where you just stay up.

01:55:31.000 Just stay up.

01:55:32.000 So that way when 10 p.m. 0.91

01:55:35.000 the right time rolls around, you're going to be so fucking tired if you could just power through. 0.99

01:55:40.000 But if you take a nap, you could fuck the whole thing up. 0.99

01:55:43.000 Well, I've had that where you wake up and you're like, where the fuck am I right? 0.99

01:55:45.000 Like, really scared for a moment, like, that you don't know where you are. 0.95

01:55:48.000 Yeah.

01:55:49.000 Yeah, I had that happen before.

01:55:50.000 The worst is when you're in England and you can't go to bed until, like, 6 a.m.

01:55:54.000 Because it's...

01:55:55.000 Eight hours ahead or something, right?

01:55:57.000 Yeah, it's probably like in that seven, eight.

01:56:01.000 Australia's like a whole day.

01:56:02.000 That's a whole day, yeah.

01:56:03.000 Which is even nuttier.

01:56:05.000 Yeah.

01:56:05.000 You know, that's a bizarre trip.

01:56:08.000 I did South Africa, and that was like a half, I think it's like a 12-hour difference.

01:56:13.000 It's pretty great.

01:56:13.000 Like, it throws you over.

01:56:15.000 Yeah.

01:56:16.000 How many hours is that flight?

01:56:19.000 It was from Atlanta.

01:56:20.000 They do a direct 15 and change to South Africa.

01:56:26.000 Direct from Atlanta.

01:56:27.000 How long were you there for?

01:56:30.000 Almost three weeks.

01:56:31.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:56:32.000 It was great.

01:56:33.000 Was it?

01:56:34.000 I loved it.

01:56:35.000 Fantastic.

01:56:36.000 Really?

01:56:37.000 Loved it.

01:56:37.000 What was so great about it?

01:56:39.000 Everything. 0.58

01:56:40.000 I mean, people were so goddamn nice and friendly and appreciative.

01:56:44.000 The shows were all fantastic. 0.90

01:56:46.000 We got treated great.

01:56:47.000 It was a blast then.

01:56:49.000 So did you have any prejudices about going to Africa?

01:56:53.000 Not really.

01:56:53.000 I knew that once it was booked, the only thing that you have to think about is disease stuff, so you have to get certain shots, but I thought it was going to be fun.

01:57:05.000 I'd heard good things about doing stand-up in South Africa for a while now, so I was totally excited.

01:57:11.000 I'm all about anywhere I get an offer abroad, I get excited about it.

01:57:17.000 Really?

01:57:18.000 Why do you get excited?

01:57:19.000 I just think it's fun, man.

01:57:20.000 I mean, it's my job, and then somebody would want to see me do this thousands of months.

01:57:26.000 I like checking out places, so it's fun to go to Australia.

01:57:29.000 It's fun to go to South Africa, England.

01:57:31.000 That's all entertaining to me.

01:57:32.000 It's fun.

01:57:33.000 I just remembered your opening joke when we were in Australia. 0.99

01:57:36.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:57:37.000 Do you remember it? 1.00

01:57:38.000 Yeah.

01:57:39.000 No, what was it?

01:57:40.000 About being on the plane for so long that you think you're dreaming.

01:57:43.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:45.000 Am I dead?

01:57:46.000 Oh, right.

01:57:48.000 Yeah.

01:57:48.000 Do you remember the bit?

01:57:49.000 Yeah, and I mean, you think about my dad and you get off. 0.80

01:57:52.000 And you said, well, I must be in heaven because there's no black people. 1.00

01:57:56.000 Oh, yeah. 0.96

01:57:56.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:57:58.000 That was for... 1.00

01:57:59.000 It was so fucked up! 1.00

01:58:01.000 That was your opening joke at Sydney. 1.00

01:58:03.000 Yeah.

01:58:04.000 But they ate it up.

01:58:05.000 Well, it was a joke.

01:58:06.000 It was a joke.

01:58:06.000 It's like what you said at the very beginning.

01:58:08.000 And everybody knew it. 0.99

01:58:09.000 Nobody was like, that's fucked up, man. 0.99

01:58:11.000 Yeah, of course. 0.99

01:58:12.000 It was a joke.

01:58:13.000 It was funny.

01:58:14.000 It was funny.

01:58:15.000 And they have a totally different feeling for black people than we do as well.

01:58:20.000 Because that's not like their cultural underclass.

01:58:23.000 Their cultural underclass is not like former slaves.

01:58:26.000 It's Aborigines. 1.00

01:58:27.000 Right.

01:58:27.000 It's like a totally different sort of a holocaust that happened over there.

01:58:30.000 The slavery is like this whole dark period of American history, this shameful period.

01:58:37.000 Their is shameful, but it's shameful towards the aborigine people. 1.00

01:58:41.000 It's a totally different sort of underclass.

01:58:44.000 I made a joke there that they didn't think was so funny about that when I went back and went up to Melbourne.

01:58:50.000 But it was a joke, man.

01:58:52.000 Right, but Melbourne would be more sensitive.

01:58:53.000 They were more sensitive, but really who was most sensitive wasn't really the room.

01:58:58.000 It was the press, like the guy writing the review.

01:59:01.000 It's not like the room lost it.

01:59:03.000 It's that it made its way into an article.

01:59:06.000 About how offensive and racist and stuff it was.

01:59:08.000 You know what I mean?

01:59:08.000 Of course.

01:59:09.000 Well, most people that are going to write articles about something get excited to be upset about something.

01:59:14.000 Oh, it's so fun! 0.93

01:59:15.000 Because even if we're talking right now and you're like, write about how fucking much you hate American Airlines. 0.85

01:59:20.000 And you're like, alright, here goes a blog. 0.93

01:59:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:59:23.000 And I can tell you this story and I just write...

01:59:25.000 Yeah, of course.

01:59:25.000 It's fun to write that.

01:59:27.000 Did you read that one... 0.98

01:59:28.000 There's a review of a Guy Fieri, whatever the fuck his name is, restaurant in Manhattan. 0.99

01:59:34.000 Yes. 0.99

01:59:35.000 It was so scathing.

01:59:36.000 Yes. 1.00

01:59:36.000 It went public where people were like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:59:39.000 It was such a brutal review. 1.00

01:59:41.000 Right.

01:59:41.000 I wonder how accurate it was.

01:59:43.000 Well, I imagine it's somewhat accurate.

01:59:46.000 Must be.

01:59:46.000 But some of...

01:59:48.000 The hatred for that restaurant comes from that guy's feeling about Guy and not the restaurant.

01:59:53.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:59:53.000 If you took Guy out of the equation and you just sent him there, it would not be as vicious.

01:59:58.000 Yeah.

01:59:58.000 Oh, absolutely.

01:59:59.000 Yeah, absolutely.

02:00:01.000 Yeah.

02:00:02.000 Well, it's also the hype that comes with that.

02:00:05.000 I mean, if you want to be a celebrity chef... 1.00

02:00:07.000 You better knock my dick into the dirt when I come to your fucking place. 1.00

02:00:10.000 Right. 1.00

02:00:10.000 And to go there and to get some, you know, whack-ass Applebee's dried up wings. 1.00

02:00:15.000 A bacon apple burger.

02:00:16.000 Yeah.

02:00:16.000 And you're like, all right.

02:00:18.000 The whole celebrity chef thing, it's a very odd thing, isn't it?

02:00:22.000 Like, all of a sudden, we had Julia Child, and that was it.

02:00:25.000 Yeah.

02:00:26.000 For the longest time.

02:00:27.000 Who else did we have?

02:00:28.000 Who else is a celebrity chef?

02:00:29.000 Was there a man celebrity chef ever?

02:00:31.000 The French guy, right? 0.85

02:00:32.000 The French guy.

02:00:32.000 The Galloping Gourmet.

02:00:34.000 Remember that guy?

02:00:34.000 Mm-mm.

02:00:35.000 No?

02:00:35.000 I remember the guy who's been on TV for years now, the French guy.

02:00:39.000 What French guy is that? 0.85

02:00:41.000 Older French chef.

02:00:43.000 I forget his name.

02:00:44.000 I don't know.

02:00:44.000 But he's been on TV. Borganty, Borganty, Borganty.

02:00:46.000 Ah, all right.

02:00:47.000 Well, whatever.

02:00:47.000 I mean, everyone knows.

02:00:49.000 It's a fascinating thing, because it's like, all you had was like...

02:00:54.000 Like a couple of examples.

02:00:56.000 Yeah.

02:00:56.000 And then Wolfgang Puck got famous.

02:00:59.000 That's right.

02:01:00.000 He's been big for a while now.

02:01:02.000 Yeah.

02:01:02.000 I feel like he's the one that made...

02:01:04.000 Emeril got famous for a little bit. 0.99

02:01:06.000 People were like, will you shut the fuck up with that bam? 1.00

02:01:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:01:09.000 Stop that. 0.99

02:01:10.000 Because he was like, bam!

02:01:12.000 He knew that like...

02:01:14.000 He needed a tagline.

02:01:15.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:01:15.000 Yeah, but he just shoved it right down our throat.

02:01:18.000 That's right.

02:01:19.000 And then we got Bourdain, which is awesome.

02:01:21.000 Well, Bourdain's the first, I think, example of what a kitchen's really staffed with.

02:01:25.000 Right.

02:01:25.000 You know, wild punk rocker type dudes with Mexicans working side by side.

02:01:30.000 Yeah.

02:01:30.000 And he's honest about the experience.

02:01:32.000 Oh, yeah.

02:01:33.000 So that's why it's awesome.

02:01:34.000 Yeah, and he has a genuine passion for cooking.

02:01:39.000 I never worked in a kitchen other than in high school.

02:01:42.000 I did work for Papa Gino's in the kitchen.

02:01:45.000 I worked at Newport Creamery making burgers and stuff like that, but I've never worked in a real restaurant.

02:01:51.000 But he had an episode once where they showed him actually working in a restaurant, like, keeping up with all these orders as they came in, timing all this food, and how hard it is. 0.72

02:02:00.000 How much of a fucking stressful, like, high-stress, fast-paced gig it is. 0.66

02:02:06.000 It's like, wow. 0.98

02:02:08.000 He really opens up your eyes to how difficult and how much artistic Like, flair is involved in the culinary arts, you know?

02:02:17.000 Fantastic.

02:02:20.000 There's a guy who's getting more famous now, who's in that front, is Chef Ludo.

02:02:25.000 You know what I'm talking about?

02:02:26.000 No.

02:02:26.000 Did you just make this guy up?

02:02:28.000 No, I swear to God. 1.00

02:02:29.000 I'm ready for you, you fuck. 1.00

02:02:31.000 He's a French guy. 1.00

02:02:33.000 He was doing pop-up restaurants here in LA. What's a pop-up restaurant?

02:02:37.000 Where they go, like, they find a space of an already existing restaurant, and they go, um, from this, from, like, March 5th to May 1st, my restaurant is gonna, I'm gonna operate here during these hours and these times.

02:02:52.000 Like, it's typically a place that does breakfast and lunch, let's say.

02:02:56.000 We're gonna do dinner from now on.

02:02:58.000 And, except he's this amazing chef, so it'd pop up, It would fill out.

02:03:04.000 Every night would be booked out.

02:03:06.000 And then he would shut shop and then go away for a while and do whatever he does and then be like, hey, July, I'm coming to Venice.

02:03:14.000 I'm going to take over that one restaurant.

02:03:17.000 How did you let people know?

02:03:19.000 Well, the word of mouth really spread.

02:03:22.000 My cousin is the one that let me know about it and we went there and we ordered one of everything on the menu.

02:03:28.000 It wasn't like full portion size, it was like tasting style and it was just incredible and it's the kind of place you walk away and then you start telling people.

02:03:39.000 It really spreads like wildfire and then now He was on a food show last year.

02:03:45.000 He's a judge on that show that Bourdain is hosting.

02:03:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:03:51.000 What is that?

02:03:51.000 I forget.

02:03:52.000 He's hosting a new show.

02:03:53.000 It's a judging thing.

02:03:54.000 I think it's a food tasting thing.

02:03:56.000 Yeah.

02:03:56.000 And Ludo is one of the guest judges on that.

02:03:58.000 And that dude has a fried chicken truck in LA that is unreal.

02:04:04.000 You've got to go to his food truck.

02:04:06.000 How do you find a food truck?

02:04:07.000 It's on Twitter.

02:04:08.000 It's online.

02:04:09.000 Will you look for Chef Ludo's fried chicken truck?

02:04:14.000 It's insane.

02:04:14.000 And you can find out where it is from Twitter?

02:04:16.000 Yeah, because you follow them and they're like, we're parked at, you know, whatever, Hollywood Boulevard and Highland.

02:04:22.000 And it's that good?

02:04:23.000 Yes, definitely.

02:04:24.000 Is it always online?

02:04:26.000 I tracked it down one time and it was...

02:04:29.000 No, it wasn't too crazy.

02:04:30.000 It was actually...

02:04:31.000 They were actually wrapping up for the day.

02:04:32.000 Ludo Truck.

02:04:33.000 Yeah.

02:04:34.000 This ain't your mama's fried chicken.

02:04:35.000 Dude, it's crazy good.

02:04:36.000 I'm not kidding you.

02:04:37.000 Really?

02:04:37.000 It's that good?

02:04:38.000 Yes.

02:04:39.000 What could be so good about it?

02:04:40.000 There's just something about the...

02:04:43.000 The richness of the flavor of the chicken, the breading, the fried part itself just has a flavor to it.

02:04:52.000 It's phenomenal.

02:04:53.000 And so are the other things they have there. 0.99

02:04:55.000 I feel like, Ludo Truck, you should send me some shit now. 0.99

02:04:58.000 Yeah, you should. 1.00

02:04:59.000 What the fuck, Ludo Truck? 1.00

02:05:01.000 Ludo Truck. 1.00

02:05:01.000 I don't know how they're going to fuck with... 1.00

02:05:03.000 Hook me up. 0.99

02:05:04.000 I mean, it seems like it's like a good idea and everything like that, but do they have waffles?

02:05:09.000 It's not his main thing.

02:05:11.000 Do they have waffles?

02:05:12.000 Oh, I don't know.

02:05:12.000 I don't remember.

02:05:13.000 Because how are you going to fuck with Roscoe's? 0.99

02:05:15.000 He's going to be on Melrose tonight. 1.00

02:05:16.000 How are you going to fuck with Roscoe's if you don't have waffles? 1.00

02:05:19.000 You're not going to fuck with Roscoe. 1.00

02:05:20.000 I just started following him. 1.00

02:05:22.000 Okay. 1.00

02:05:22.000 Roscoe's are the shit, dude. 1.00

02:05:26.000 Roscoe's chicken and waffles are so hard to fuck with. 1.00

02:05:29.000 It's so good. 0.99

02:05:30.000 So good.

02:05:30.000 And you get those collard greens with it too, so you give yourself an illusion of vitamins.

02:05:35.000 That's right.

02:05:35.000 And throw hot sauce all over the chicken and extra butter, extra syrup.

02:05:41.000 Oh my god, I'm so hungry.

02:05:41.000 Because you know you're going deep.

02:05:43.000 You know you're going deep.

02:05:43.000 You guys want to eat?

02:05:44.000 Want to eat some food after this?

02:05:46.000 You know you're going deep.

02:05:47.000 Waffles.

02:05:48.000 And they're American waffles. 1.00

02:05:50.000 Not those fucking big gay Belgian motherfuckers. 1.00

02:05:54.000 Those big fluffy cloud waffles. 1.00

02:05:56.000 That's not a waffle.

02:05:57.000 That's a pastry. 1.00

02:05:58.000 That's a loaf of bread, you fuck. 1.00

02:06:00.000 A real waffle. 1.00

02:06:01.000 Those little skinny, tight ones that you get at a Waffle House.

02:06:04.000 That's a real waffle.

02:06:05.000 You do a lot of syrup? 1.00

02:06:06.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

02:06:07.000 A lot of butter and a lot of syrup. 1.00

02:06:10.000 Because I'm not trying to be healthy. 1.00

02:06:11.000 Eat waffles, asshole. 1.00

02:06:13.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:06:13.000 I'll punish myself later at the gym. 1.00

02:06:15.000 Trust me, I'm disciplined. 0.98

02:06:17.000 But right now I'm going to eat the fuck out of this waffle. 0.92

02:06:21.000 And I'm going to have a regular Coke. 1.00

02:06:23.000 Fuck a Diet Coke. 1.00

02:06:24.000 Because why play games? 1.00

02:06:25.000 Sugar, sugar, sugar.

02:06:26.000 I'm not playing games.

02:06:27.000 I'm going to pretend I'm going to have a Diet Coke.

02:06:29.000 No, I'm going to have a regular Coke and a cup of coffee.

02:06:31.000 A cup of coffee is to allow me to stay conscious long enough to walk to the car. 0.99

02:06:34.000 You got me super excited about this shit right now. 1.00

02:06:36.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

02:06:37.000 There should be a Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles in every country in the world. 1.00

02:06:41.000 It's one of those experiences you don't forget because somebody pitches it to you and you're like, what?

02:06:44.000 If you've never had it, what's that?

02:06:46.000 The chicken's very, very, very good, too.

02:06:49.000 It's delicious fried chicken.

02:06:50.000 And it's very home-style fried chicken.

02:06:52.000 Yeah.

02:06:53.000 It tastes like somebody made it in their house.

02:06:55.000 Whereas sometimes you get a Kentucky Fried Chicken, it's so uniform and it has a certain amount of sodium taste to it that it's like, this is a mix. 1.00

02:07:05.000 You eat Roscoe's, it feels like somebody actually cracked some eggs, actually dipped the chicken in it, actually rolled it in flour, and deep fried the fuck out of that shit, son. 0.99

02:07:16.000 What's up, Roscoe's? 0.99

02:07:17.000 I'm Pico.

02:07:18.000 I see you.

02:07:18.000 I see you, Pico.

02:07:19.000 Oh shit, son. 0.99

02:07:20.000 Holla out to Roscoe's on Gawa. 1.00

02:07:23.000 Yeah, that's a beautiful combination.

02:07:26.000 It's fantastic.

02:07:27.000 It didn't seem like it would work, you know?

02:07:28.000 Yeah.

02:07:29.000 If you looked at it on paper, you'd be like, how's this going to work? 1.00

02:07:32.000 Fucking chicken and waffles. 0.99

02:07:33.000 Why would I want to have those two together? 1.00

02:07:34.000 I know. 1.00

02:07:34.000 One or the other, you fuck. 1.00

02:07:36.000 No, it's perfect. 1.00

02:07:37.000 Oh, boy.

02:07:38.000 Are you excited now?

02:07:39.000 I want to go get chicken and waffles.

02:07:41.000 Excited.

02:07:41.000 So, before we wrap up, I've got to talk to my little buddy, Brian.

02:07:45.000 Sure.

02:07:45.000 And say, what did you think about our guest with the crazy UFO talk, fella?

02:07:50.000 I've got to pick for you.

02:07:51.000 Oh...

02:07:54.000 While being nice.

02:07:55.000 While being nice.

02:07:58.000 I mean, he said he could talk to aliens, right?

02:08:02.000 He did say that, right?

02:08:04.000 At one point he said that when he was younger he found a way to communicate.

02:08:08.000 He meditated and through conscious thought and meditation was able to Have something that he was describing that sounded to me very much like a drug experience, like a psychedelic drug or a meditation experience, some sort of a breakthrough sort of… Yeah.

02:08:26.000 I mean he seemed like a nice guy and he seemed intelligent. 0.98

02:08:30.000 But my bullshit meter just was out of control. 0.91

02:08:34.000 And when that happens, there were so many things I wanted to like… I don't know, man. 0.96

02:08:45.000 I don't buy any of it.

02:08:46.000 Well, I respect the guy for coming on and talking, and I don't know whether or not he's right or telling the truth.

02:08:56.000 And I don't feel it's ever true.

02:08:58.000 I mean, I have in the past.

02:08:59.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:09:00.000 I'm not a hypocrite.

02:09:00.000 I'm just a person who's evolved or tried to evolve my conversational skills.

02:09:04.000 And one of the things that I try not to do Is ever call bullshit if I'm not 100% sure. 1.00

02:09:10.000 I can believe, I can be like, I am positive this guy's full of shit. 1.00

02:09:14.000 But if I don't have any proof, how can I call bullshit? 1.00

02:09:17.000 I can call bullshit on some of the things he says if they don't make any sense. 0.96

02:09:20.000 You know, if some of the things he says don't line up with facts, you can call bullshit on that, but I don't really know whether or not he can actually do that until I go and see it. 0.98

02:09:29.000 So I plan on going and seeing it.

02:09:31.000 I mean, we're going to do that for that show, for Question Everything.

02:09:35.000 We're going to go. 0.99

02:09:36.000 We're going to go out to the fucking desert with him. 1.00

02:09:37.000 Eddie Bravo's going to come, too. 0.99

02:09:39.000 I just think it would be perfect, because Eddie loves him some UFOs.

02:09:42.000 And then...

02:09:43.000 And then there was the thing where he sits in the desert and he shines lasers in the sky and he says it's 100%.

02:09:52.000 And then you go to his YouTube page to see what he's talking about is 100% and it's like, One, why is he shining lasers at airplanes or up in the sky?

02:10:00.000 That's against the law.

02:10:02.000 But two, it's like his evidence is like, oh, you just see that flashing dot in the middle of the sky out of nowhere?

02:10:08.000 That's his alien communication.

02:10:11.000 And that could be a million things.

02:10:12.000 You see a little flashing dot.

02:10:14.000 A shooting star.

02:10:16.000 It could be, you know, just anything.

02:10:18.000 Oh, it gets way wackier than that.

02:10:19.000 It gets way wackier than that.

02:10:21.000 There's actually a video that I watched after the interview that I really wish I had watched before.

02:10:25.000 You know, I watch so much of that stuff.

02:10:27.000 Right.

02:10:27.000 But where he said that he was leading a crew and that they were inside of a craft at one point in time.

02:10:36.000 It was an interdimensional craft.

02:10:37.000 They're standing in the middle of the field and they sensed that he was like, and some people said they saw me disappear for a moment.

02:10:43.000 And as I... You know, crossed into this area and that, you know, we could see it in front of you like it was sort of like a fog.

02:10:51.000 Well, you know what we know is real?

02:10:55.000 Fog? 0.97

02:10:55.000 Fog's fucking real, okay? 0.97

02:10:57.000 So if you see fog, you should assume that shit is fog and not a fucking spaceship, okay? 0.99

02:11:02.000 And what was that thing at the end, also? 0.96

02:11:04.000 Like, I might have got this wrong, but it sounded like you said you can buy the movie, and then once you buy it, you can put it for sale on your website.

02:11:16.000 It almost sounded like he was saying it's a pyramid scheme.

02:11:20.000 Well, it's not a pyramid scheme.

02:11:22.000 It's a promotional scheme.

02:11:23.000 A pyramid scheme, there's really nothing of value.

02:11:27.000 The way a pyramid scheme works is you get money when you get other people to put in money.

02:11:32.000 So say if you're the guy who starts the scheme and you have three people that are in the scheme with you and you say, listen, if you get a dude to give $100 for every $100, you get $25 and you start making money.

02:11:46.000 That's what I think he's saying.

02:11:47.000 No, no, no.

02:11:47.000 That's not a pyramid scheme.

02:11:48.000 You don't understand that.

02:11:49.000 A pyramid scheme is at the end, you find there's nothing of value.

02:11:53.000 And at the end, what it is is it depends on more people donating money than there's people extracting money. 0.98

02:11:59.000 And as soon as the people want their money, you're fucked because there's no money. 0.56

02:12:01.000 That's what happened with that – it's called a Ponzi scheme. 0.97

02:12:05.000 That's what happened with – Bertie Madoff.

02:12:07.000 Bertie Madoff, yeah.

02:12:08.000 That's what it was.

02:12:09.000 There was no actual value to anything.

02:12:12.000 What he's doing is he's offering you, he has this video, and if you put a link on your site and he's selling the video for five bucks, he's selling a product, And if he's selling this video for five bucks, if you put a link on your site and the clicks go through your site,

02:12:29.000 it registers.

02:12:30.000 And so you get a piece.

02:12:32.000 Whatever that piece is, it's negotiated. 0.99

02:12:34.000 Whether it's ten cents a video or a dollar a video, whatever the fuck it is. 0.97

02:12:38.000 I don't know how much you get.

02:12:39.000 But whatever you get, he's saying that he wanted to do that to spread the wealth and encourage people to promote the video because it would be financially profitable for them as well.

02:12:49.000 Which is actually admirable.

02:12:50.000 I mean, that's a cool way to do things.

02:12:52.000 If you decided to put a link on your site and you made $1,000 in a month off of his video, that's your money, man.

02:12:58.000 And you helped him.

02:12:59.000 You helped him, you got the video out, which is what he wanted, and you got some money.

02:13:04.000 So nothing wrong with that.

02:13:06.000 It's not a pyramid scheme.

02:13:07.000 A real pyramid scheme is a lie because there's nothing of value.

02:13:11.000 But this is a movie.

02:13:12.000 I know what you're saying.

02:13:14.000 This is an actual product.

02:13:16.000 What is the movie?

02:13:17.000 It's called Serious.

02:13:19.000 His whole thing is...

02:13:21.000 It's very sketch.

02:13:24.000 And it's...

02:13:25.000 Look, I should say, first of all, that...

02:13:29.000 I don't disbelieve in aliens.

02:13:31.000 I don't disbelieve in the idea that we've been contacted before.

02:13:35.000 But I have never seen anything that was compelling to me as far as visual evidence, as far as eyewitness testimony.

02:13:46.000 I've never seen anything compelling that made me 100% sure That that person had seen something from another planet.

02:13:55.000 Or that this video was something from another planet. 0.95

02:13:58.000 I've seen some wild shit, but I don't know exactly what it is. 0.95

02:14:01.000 And I'm not privy to all of the various pieces of information that go into... 0.99

02:14:08.000 Whatever the fuck happened? 0.86

02:14:10.000 We see a thing that's flying across the sky. 0.97

02:14:12.000 Who knows what that is?

02:14:14.000 One of the things I asked him, he said, we have a photo of a being.

02:14:18.000 It looks like an ethereal being.

02:14:21.000 I go, how do you know that's not a video artifact?

02:14:23.000 Well, it's not an artifact. 0.97

02:14:24.000 Well, how the fuck could you possibly know? 0.89

02:14:26.000 Like, there's a lot of artifacts. 0.98

02:14:28.000 Yeah, that hologram thing he was talking about.

02:14:30.000 I was like, are you kidding me?

02:14:31.000 You're actually saying that's like a hologram, dude?

02:14:34.000 He's saying he's an intradimensional being.

02:14:37.000 Look, there's a lot of confirmation bias.

02:14:40.000 And the reality of the UFO community, and this is, again, this is not saying everyone, and this is not saying that UFOs are fake.

02:14:47.000 But the reality of the UFO community is that it's filled with kooks.

02:14:51.000 Just like the psychic community, just like the Bigfoot community, just like the ghost community.

02:14:57.000 It doesn't mean that ghosts aren't real.

02:14:59.000 It doesn't mean Bigfoot's not real. 0.99

02:15:00.000 But it means a lot of those people are drawn to kooky shit. 0.98

02:15:04.000 And another thing, isn't like DNA nowadays fast enough where you take a little piece of that little alien dude and you could just be like, oh yeah, it's a baby. 0.99

02:15:13.000 Well, not only that, did you know that that alien dude, they found that fucking thing in like 2002? 0.92

02:15:19.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:15:20.000 They found that thing a long-ass time ago.

02:15:23.000 Yeah, we're at Michael's craft shop.

02:15:24.000 Where'd they find this thing?

02:15:25.000 They found it in the dirt somewhere.

02:15:27.000 He didn't want to tell us where he found it.

02:15:28.000 Yeah, he found it in a desert.

02:15:30.000 I don't think what he said afterwards, we're not even supposed to repeat.

02:15:33.000 So be careful.

02:15:34.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:15:34.000 Because he told us where it's being studied and shit. 0.99

02:15:37.000 But the bottom line is, he set himself up, okay? 0.97

02:15:41.000 So here's either they do the genetic work and it really is being done at this high-level Ivy League We're good to go.

02:16:06.000 Whatever.

02:16:07.000 If they actually run a test, but to say that you did a test and to say you got results coming, you set yourself up.

02:16:16.000 Because it's one or the other now. 0.99

02:16:17.000 It's either bullshit or it's something. 0.99

02:16:20.000 And if it's a rubber doll, I'm going to be upset at you. 1.00

02:16:23.000 Of course.

02:16:24.000 I think that's a test that is like a week.

02:16:28.000 A week DNA test.

02:16:29.000 I don't know.

02:16:29.000 I think it takes that long.

02:16:30.000 Like if there's a fire in a car, The police can go, okay, we found human remains because we checked its DNA as human DNA. Isn't that something fast?

02:16:38.000 It seems like it is.

02:16:39.000 I do not know.

02:16:40.000 I don't know.

02:16:40.000 And how does he know how to use a camera yet?

02:16:43.000 Well, let's Google.

02:16:46.000 Yeah.

02:16:47.000 Yeah, that's the whole thing.

02:16:48.000 Is this a guess you had on?

02:16:49.000 Yeah.

02:16:49.000 It's like the Bigfoot thing.

02:16:51.000 He's the biggest UFO guy.

02:16:55.000 Well, he only saw two.

02:16:57.000 Bobo only saw two.

02:16:59.000 Dr. Greer.

02:17:00.000 Hold on.

02:17:01.000 Dr. Greer, Alien Autopsy. 1.00

02:17:05.000 All those are fucking bullshit, though. 1.00

02:17:08.000 The autopsy films? 1.00

02:17:09.000 Yeah, that's what he's got.

02:17:10.000 He's doing it.

02:17:12.000 Dr. Greer, Alien Body.

02:17:15.000 I just don't like it if he is lying. 0.99

02:17:18.000 If he's a bullshit artist, I'm upset. 1.00

02:17:19.000 If he's bullshitting artists, I am going to send shit to his house. 1.00

02:17:22.000 Okay, I'll just say this. 1.00

02:17:23.000 At least a small percentage of what he was saying smelled like bullshit. 0.99

02:17:28.000 The anecdotal stories, the way they were coming out, somebody described them like bad scenes in a movie, and he said this and I said that. 0.98

02:17:36.000 Sometimes people just sort of paraphrase, though, and that could be responsible.

02:17:41.000 You're telling a story over and over and over again after the course of so many years.

02:17:44.000 Sometimes people sort of paraphrase what actually was said and they put it into almost like a script form.

02:17:49.000 And that could have been what that guy was doing because it did sound like fiction.

02:17:53.000 Yeah, it also sounded like I noticed that whenever you would ask him a question that kind of threw him off or whatever, he would go into this weird voice where he just suddenly goes, like it got really quiet and calm.

02:18:07.000 Like his voice changed into this really weird Volume.

02:18:13.000 It just goes really low.

02:18:14.000 Look at this.

02:18:14.000 They think they have an alien body.

02:18:16.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

02:18:17.000 What do you think that is?

02:18:19.000 I think that's a very old human body.

02:18:21.000 It's six inches long.

02:18:23.000 They have a ruler next to it and everything.

02:18:26.000 But couldn't that be from... 1.00

02:18:28.000 It could be fake as fuck. 1.00

02:18:29.000 Of course. 1.00

02:18:30.000 It could be a child.

02:18:30.000 Or it could be so old that it's like when the...

02:18:33.000 Well, he doesn't know.

02:18:34.000 I mean, he said, I mean, in his defense, he said he doesn't know what it is.

02:18:38.000 And he said they're doing tests on it.

02:18:39.000 Yeah, but if he found it that long ago?

02:18:41.000 Are you serious?

02:18:42.000 I don't know when he got a hold of it, though.

02:18:44.000 He told us.

02:18:45.000 I don't remember.

02:18:46.000 It was a long conversation.

02:18:47.000 We talked to the guy for three hours.

02:18:49.000 It's going to be, hey guys, yeah, we ran tests.

02:18:51.000 It was a guy who 12,000 years ago...

02:18:54.000 This is in January of 2013, and it says that the studies will take around two months, possibly longer.

02:19:01.000 So they just started the testing in January.

02:19:04.000 So that's why they haven't gotten...

02:19:05.000 Who's doing these testing?

02:19:07.000 McAfee?

02:19:08.000 McAfee! 0.93

02:19:08.000 What happened to McAfee? 0.93

02:19:10.000 McAfee's balling.

02:19:11.000 He's in Texas trying to sell his house in Belize.

02:19:14.000 Do-do [...]-do.

02:19:17.000 Yeah, he's got his 20-year-old third-world hottie with him.

02:19:21.000 He's getting his freak off.

02:19:22.000 Good for him.

02:19:24.000 Yeah.

02:19:26.000 I don't know, man. 0.99

02:19:27.000 If he really did find an alien, like, holy shit. 0.99

02:19:31.000 Can you imagine? 0.99

02:19:32.000 That would be really fascinating and ironic.

02:19:34.000 If there was a guy who was a charlatan who was a total UFO hoaxer, but someone gave him a real alien.

02:19:41.000 And I'm not saying that Greer is a charlatan.

02:19:43.000 I don't think he is.

02:19:44.000 I think...

02:19:46.000 First of all, he's dealing with a really nutty group of humans, the UFO community. 1.00

02:19:51.000 And I think if that's your base, and that you're communicating with them only for decade after decade, and most of this was sort of instigated on your part before the internet, so he was involved in the UFO community before people were even online a lot,

02:20:07.000 before Twitter, before even MySpace.

02:20:09.000 He was online, and he was known through You know, the world from these YouTube clips and shit like that. 0.67

02:20:17.000 Yeah. 0.57

02:20:17.000 He was already before that. 0.57

02:20:18.000 He had been long before the Disclosure Project.

02:20:21.000 He had put that together for years.

02:20:23.000 So he had always been involved with all these nutty people.

02:20:25.000 Yeah.

02:20:25.000 And when you're involved with nutty people, especially the nutty UFO people before the internet, like, you got a lot of adjusting to do.

02:20:32.000 Once the Thor hammer of reality comes down.

02:20:36.000 And sometimes guys adjust really poorly. 0.99

02:20:37.000 So they still have a lot of bullshit in their game. 0.99

02:20:40.000 They might have a few things that are real that they're investigating that are beyond understanding. 0.99

02:20:48.000 It's very possible. 0.89

02:20:49.000 But there also might be some fuckery mixed in there too. 0.99

02:20:52.000 Real fuckery. 1.00

02:20:53.000 Real serious fuckery. 0.99

02:20:55.000 And you've got to be real careful. 0.99

02:20:56.000 One of the things is...

02:20:59.000 Somehow or another, he's drawing an income from all this. 0.91

02:21:01.000 He wasn't really that open about it, but I know that he takes people out into the desert and gives them alien encounters and shit, and he charges money for that. 0.98

02:21:10.000 Of course. 0.59

02:21:11.000 Yeah, and it's like several days, and you take a bunch of people out there and make some cash.

02:21:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:21:17.000 You saw some shit in the sky, son. 0.99

02:21:19.000 It almost makes me say that you shouldn't even bother dealing with this one. 0.99

02:21:22.000 Why?

02:21:23.000 Because it's all so obvious.

02:21:24.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:21:25.000 It's both.

02:21:26.000 It's fascinating.

02:21:27.000 He's certainly marketing himself and he certainly brought up his site a lot.

02:21:32.000 But it's also – here's the question.

02:21:35.000 What would you do if you knew that there really was some sort of encounter with humans and aliens?

02:21:45.000 If you knew that there had been a series of events that had been swept under the rug and covered up, and you start making a living doing something different, but this fascination with UFOs gets in the way, then all of a sudden you have to quit your job.

02:22:00.000 And then as you're quitting your job for something that you absolutely believe in but is totally ridiculed by everyone around you, then what if you have to figure out how to make a living off of this thing?

02:22:11.000 So maybe it's that.

02:22:13.000 Maybe the guy's legit, but it's this Trying to profit off of it, which gets people to go, hey, what's your motive?

02:22:22.000 Hey, how come I got to pay you to go to the desert?

02:22:24.000 Hey, what'd you do with all the money you got from this donated movie?

02:22:27.000 Hey, how much did you claim on your taxes?

02:22:29.000 Where'd you get that money?

02:22:29.000 Where's it coming from?

02:22:30.000 You're writing books?

02:22:31.000 You're selling the books?

02:22:32.000 You're doing lectures?

02:22:32.000 You're doing this?

02:22:33.000 You're taking people out into the desert?

02:22:34.000 You're profiting, okay?

02:22:36.000 This is obviously how you make your living now.

02:22:38.000 Not that there's anything wrong with that.

02:22:39.000 If he's legit.

02:22:41.000 If he's sincere.

02:22:42.000 But when you have those elements, people automatically get skeptical.

02:22:46.000 And then there's the part of, like, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. 0.96

02:22:53.000 And when you're claiming crazy shit, you should have photos and video ready to go at the drop of a hat. 0.98

02:23:00.000 And when I was questioning them about where can I see these photos, like if you have photos, you shouldn't, first of all, if you have something that's really important for people to see, and you are a researcher, and your whole gig is about trying to get the truth out, You'd put that shit online the moment you got it. 0.99

02:23:16.000 You'd make sure it goes viral.

02:23:18.000 If you're holding it back and only putting it in your documentary, I got to go.

02:23:23.000 All right.

02:23:24.000 Okay.

02:23:25.000 I mean, I see you're trying to make some money, but what you're doing is contrary to the path that you need to follow to be taken serious.

02:23:33.000 Especially a scientific path because somebody that wants to tell you the truth about a huge – something that would have that type of impact on the world and the way it operates, you don't go as somebody that's pursued this For my whole life, I have the answer.

02:23:49.000 I want you to give me five bucks first before I tell you about it.

02:23:52.000 But it also could be, again, I have to be fair, it also could be that he doesn't understand how he's coming off.

02:23:58.000 It also could be that he really, truly has had these experiences, but now he's in a scramble.

02:24:04.000 I try to figure out how to make some money off of it.

02:24:06.000 There's a fascinating website that details Hillary Clinton's meetings with the Rockefeller family.

02:24:12.000 It's really crazy.

02:24:14.000 And in one of the photos, Hillary Clinton is walking, and she's got this book with her.

02:24:19.000 And people tried to figure out what book it was.

02:24:22.000 They did a close-up of the image.

02:24:26.000 It's a book on extraterrestrial encounters.

02:24:29.000 It's about are we alone in the universe?

02:24:31.000 And the book is all about what we would do if we got contacted by an alien race.

02:24:36.000 And she's walking with Rockefeller who had given her that book.

02:24:39.000 Really?

02:24:40.000 Yeah.

02:24:40.000 So she's walking along in his ranch in Wyoming.

02:24:43.000 He's worth about a fucking billion trillion dollars. 0.99

02:24:46.000 He's at the top of the financial food chain. 0.98

02:24:48.000 And he's exactly the person that this guy, Dr. Stephen Greer, was telling us would have access to this kind of information and would want to, you know, figure out what we do.

02:24:59.000 You know, what do we do about the banking system?

02:25:01.000 What do we do about the military?

02:25:02.000 What do we do when and if aliens do come? 0.96

02:25:06.000 And so he's walking around meeting a woman who ran for president, was the wife of the president, the secretary of state, and then wandering around his fucking ranch, and she's got an alien book in her hand that he gave her. 0.82

02:25:16.000 Is that photo, the original photo, is it published anywhere? 0.85

02:25:21.000 Respectable?

02:25:22.000 Yup, very good question.

02:25:25.000 So let's search for the hoax.

02:25:29.000 Hillary Clinton.

02:25:32.000 Another thing you could do is take the Hillary Clinton photo and save it to your desktop and then Google image search it and find similar images and see if they all have that.

02:25:41.000 Because somebody has made that a Twilight book cover, for sure.

02:25:46.000 Okay, let's see if it's Hillary Clinton, Rockefeller, Alien, Book, Hoax.

02:25:49.000 Shades of Grey.

02:25:51.000 Fifty Shades of Grey.

02:25:53.000 Hmm.

02:25:54.000 Well, there's also some documents about Rockefeller wanting to talk President Clinton into...

02:26:04.000 These were released by the Freedom of Information Act, that Rockefeller was trying to talk President Clinton into releasing information about aliens.

02:26:14.000 Oh, really?

02:26:15.000 Yeah, and that Rockefeller was requesting information and they wouldn't give it to him, and he had a meeting with Clinton.

02:26:20.000 Yeah, this is pretty trippy, man.

02:26:22.000 The book, Lawrence Rockefeller apparently was fascinated with UFOs.

02:26:27.000 He was, the dude was, he was obsessed.

02:26:31.000 Yeah, maybe he's just like, you know, just like you.

02:26:33.000 Maybe just a little guy that likes aliens and conspiracies.

02:26:36.000 Yeah, could be.

02:26:37.000 Just, that's it.

02:26:38.000 That's how simple it is, you know.

02:26:39.000 Except he could actually call the government and ask for cash.

02:26:43.000 Or ask to give them cash for things. 0.98

02:26:47.000 I mean, he, like, established funds and shit. 0.97

02:26:49.000 Along with his niece, Anne Bartley, the stepdaughter of Winthrop Rockefeller and the then president of the Rockefeller Family Fund, he established the UFO Disclosure Initiative to the Clinton White House. 0.98

02:27:00.000 They asked for all UFO information held by the government, including from the CIA and the U.S. Air Force, to be declassified and released to the public.

02:27:08.000 The first and most important test case where declassification had to apply, according to Rockefeller, was the Roswell UFO incident.

02:27:16.000 This is fascinating.

02:27:18.000 Why didn't Greer talk about this?

02:27:22.000 Why doesn't he know about this?

02:27:23.000 Because these are all government freedom of information documents.

02:27:28.000 It seems like something you would be into if you were dedicated to the cause.

02:27:31.000 Yeah, it was in 1995 the Clintons went to talk to the Rockefellers. 0.99

02:27:35.000 It was when Hillary was married to Bill and Bill was the president.

02:27:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:27:39.000 And the motherfucker gave her a book on aliens. 1.00

02:27:42.000 Come walk with me. 1.00

02:27:43.000 Let's talk.

02:27:44.000 I want to talk to you about something for real. 1.00

02:27:45.000 I want to talk to you about some real shit and tell your daddy. 0.99

02:27:48.000 Go home and tell daddy that I want to know. 1.00

02:27:50.000 I sit at daddy's desk every day.

02:27:52.000 Tell Bill.

02:27:53.000 Tell Bill I want to know what's up.

02:27:56.000 Every day I get to sit at my daddy's desk.

02:27:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:01.000 Creepy old fuck knows. 1.00

02:28:02.000 So fucking creepy. 1.00

02:28:04.000 And Bill Clinton apparently couldn't, you know, according to Rockefeller, or according to the people who talked about this, Bill Clinton couldn't get any information out of him. 0.98

02:28:14.000 They didn't want to tell him.

02:28:15.000 They shut him down.

02:28:17.000 That's one of the things that Greer was saying.

02:28:19.000 Greer was saying that these presidents, like people that want to get access to information, that it's not like you become president, okay, come on, we're going to tell you what's up.

02:28:28.000 Like, no, you don't need to know that.

02:28:29.000 You just need to be the president. 1.00

02:28:31.000 Go do your shit. 1.00

02:28:33.000 But I'm like, well, who does know? 1.00

02:28:34.000 And then that's the real weird part.

02:28:37.000 If he is right...

02:28:39.000 That is how I think it would go down.

02:28:41.000 If he's telling the truth, I really do think that the people – same people that can keep something as crazy as the federal bank in place when it's not really a branch of the federal government at all but they call it the federal bank, the same people that can keep the military-industrial complex moving in the same rate that it's moving now,

02:28:58.000 those would be the people that would know about the UFOs.

02:29:00.000 There must be – if you believe that corporations control the earth, which – It's kind of obvious at this point.

02:29:09.000 Corporations run everything.

02:29:10.000 So there's got to be people at the head of these corporations.

02:29:12.000 Who are they? 0.99

02:29:13.000 There's people like these old dudes with this fucking UFO book. 1.00

02:29:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:29:17.000 So he might be right.

02:29:18.000 He could be right.

02:29:19.000 What do you think, Brian?

02:29:20.000 Is he right?

02:29:21.000 No.

02:29:21.000 How dare you?

02:29:23.000 Just throw that out there like that.

02:29:24.000 No, I actually don't know.

02:29:26.000 I want to believe him, but you know, there's just too much fishy in my mouth. 0.99

02:29:30.000 There's definitely a potential for fuckery. 1.00

02:29:33.000 There's a lot of fuckery potential. 1.00

02:29:34.000 It's that little creature thing that drives me the most crazy. 0.99

02:29:36.000 Yes.

02:29:37.000 To me, it's just like, alright, wait, so we're going to find out the day.

02:29:42.000 That the movie releases?

02:29:43.000 Is that set up that way?

02:29:45.000 You know what I mean?

02:29:46.000 I think he said the information was going to come out that week.

02:29:48.000 You've got to come with me, though, man.

02:29:50.000 You've got to come.

02:29:50.000 It's going to be fun.

02:29:51.000 We should film it.

02:29:53.000 What are you going to go to?

02:29:54.000 Film it.

02:29:54.000 We're going to go to his premiere.

02:29:56.000 It's going to go to the premiere of his movie.

02:29:57.000 I can't go now.

02:29:58.000 I'm going to have to wear a wig or something.

02:30:00.000 You can go.

02:30:00.000 You didn't say anything wrong.

02:30:01.000 You said what you believe.

02:30:03.000 You didn't do anything wrong.

02:30:05.000 Prove me wrong.

02:30:06.000 Look, the internet is probably predominantly on your side. 1.00

02:30:10.000 If I had a guess, I know my message board, and this is no disrespect to Dr. Greer, but my message board, 90% of them thought he was full of shit. 1.00

02:30:20.000 90. And I'm not bullshitting. 1.00

02:30:22.000 When I looked at the thread, it was pretty overwhelming that most people were calling fuckery. 0.97

02:30:27.000 Yeah.

02:30:27.000 But that's, again, when you make an extraordinary claim, you have to provide extraordinary evidence.

02:30:32.000 And if you don't have that extraordinary evidence, it becomes very difficult to convince people.

02:30:37.000 So if he really did have these experiences and he really does know all this information, that's all well and good.

02:30:43.000 You can't go around telling people unless you have something you can show them.

02:30:46.000 You need the hard evidence.

02:30:47.000 They don't want to hear it.

02:30:48.000 And it can't be you have to open this door and take this ride.

02:30:52.000 You've got to be able to just show people hard evidence.

02:30:54.000 I mean, I guess you do.

02:30:55.000 What do you do, though, if an alien really does abduct you, really does take you away? 0.99

02:30:58.000 If you really do know, what the fuck do you do? 0.99

02:31:00.000 No, I know. 0.98

02:31:01.000 If there is no evidence that you can gather.

02:31:02.000 But I'm saying if your best evidence is, watch my film.

02:31:05.000 Then it leads people to embrace not believing you.

02:31:09.000 Yeah, I agree.

02:31:11.000 And looking right now, it looks like that DNA test to find out a simple basic DNA test to see if something's human or whatnot takes less than 24 hours.

02:31:21.000 Less than 24 hours to find out if something's human.

02:31:23.000 Yeah, meaning like if I threw a piece of bologna at you and you're like, oh my god, that's a human, you can take it to the DNA lab and they'll go, no, it's bologna.

02:31:32.000 Okay.

02:31:32.000 So would they be able to distinguish between an animal and like a monkey baby or a monkey fetus or a human fetus?

02:31:40.000 Would they be able to do that?

02:31:40.000 Yeah, because it's pretty much just the human markup.

02:31:45.000 Our human DNA is...

02:31:47.000 What's the smallest monkey? 0.94

02:31:51.000 What's his name?

02:31:52.000 There's a really tiny monkey, right?

02:31:54.000 Spider monkey?

02:31:55.000 No, they're way bigger.

02:31:57.000 There's some really small primates.

02:32:00.000 Maybe it was like a dried out really small primate.

02:32:03.000 Of course it could be.

02:32:03.000 It doesn't necessarily have to be even a human.

02:32:05.000 Sure.

02:32:05.000 Finger monkey.

02:32:06.000 I wonder how long it would take to find out whether or not someone was a monkey or a person.

02:32:09.000 It was six inches?

02:32:10.000 Wow, look how small that is.

02:32:11.000 He's a baby!

02:32:12.000 Yeah, that's pretty small.

02:32:15.000 Yeah, and if that was all like, all its hair fell off and somebody ate its tail.

02:32:19.000 That's what it looked like that came out of my belly button. 1.00

02:32:22.000 That probably lives in your asshole. 1.00

02:32:24.000 You probably don't even know about it. 1.00

02:32:26.000 It lives in there.

02:32:27.000 It's like a mouse in the house.

02:32:28.000 The happiest little monkey, too. 1.00

02:32:30.000 He's got a little fucking setup in there. 1.00

02:32:33.000 I remember Brian's asshole. 1.00

02:32:35.000 He's got a barrier he sets up whenever Brian's taking a shit. 1.00

02:32:38.000 Goes past it. 1.00

02:32:40.000 He blocks off an area that he's got cordoned off in Brian's ass for his house. 1.00

02:32:46.000 He helps push the shit out. 1.00

02:32:49.000 Do you have a hard time shitting, Brian? 1.00

02:32:50.000 No, it's almost like someone's pushing it. 0.99

02:32:52.000 Because someone is. 1.00

02:32:53.000 You got a fucking little monkey inside your ass. 1.00

02:32:54.000 Little monkey in your asshole, man. 1.00

02:32:56.000 With a shovel. 1.00

02:32:57.000 And he's pumping shit out of your ass. 1.00

02:32:59.000 Don't act like you wouldn't enjoy it. 1.00

02:33:00.000 Stop shaking your head. 1.00

02:33:01.000 I don't want this monkey in my ass. 1.00

02:33:03.000 Too late! 1.00

02:33:06.000 Alright, let's go get something to eat. 1.00

02:33:08.000 This fucking show's over. 0.99

02:33:09.000 Tommy Segura, how can people get your CD? Oh, you can go to TomCigarette.com and click on the store or you can go to iTunes. 0.99

02:33:17.000 Powerful iTunes.

02:33:18.000 Powerful iTunes.

02:33:19.000 And my site also has a link to, if you don't use iTunes because people always want an option that's not iTunes.

02:33:26.000 Right.

02:33:27.000 There's a link.

02:33:27.000 You can download it from CD Baby on a link on my site.

02:33:30.000 Nice.

02:33:31.000 Christina and I are going to do a live Your Mom's House comedy tour.

02:33:35.000 So we're going to Seattle May 18th.

02:33:39.000 And then I think we're going to do Portland the next day.

02:33:42.000 But the Seattle link is up.

02:33:43.000 I just tweeted it.

02:33:44.000 Are you doing both comedy and also doing...

02:33:46.000 No, just live stand-up.

02:33:47.000 Just live stand-up.

02:33:48.000 Or live podcast.

02:33:49.000 Excuse me, stand-up.

02:33:50.000 Just stand-up.

02:33:50.000 No podcast.

02:33:51.000 No podcast.

02:33:52.000 Oh.

02:33:52.000 But I'm saying it's the two of us.

02:33:54.000 We don't ever hit the road together.

02:33:55.000 Right, right, right.

02:33:55.000 So it's the two of us.

02:33:56.000 Oh, that's awesome.

02:33:57.000 It's supposed to be fun.

02:33:57.000 Yeah, that should be a good time, man.

02:33:58.000 We've never done that before.

02:34:00.000 Really?

02:34:00.000 I would have thought you guys would have done that a long time ago.

02:34:02.000 No, I mean... 0.99

02:34:03.000 Because of the popularity of your podcast, you're allowed to put together shit like this now? 0.99

02:34:06.000 Yeah, it's all... 0.98

02:34:07.000 You've just done the 100th episode, I heard.

02:34:10.000 And I heard you had an awesome guest.

02:34:11.000 Red Band did our 100th episode, man.

02:34:13.000 And we talked about how you are the one that got us started with it.

02:34:16.000 So that was pretty cool.

02:34:17.000 I'm so happy.

02:34:18.000 I'm so happy you did.

02:34:19.000 And so have you been experiencing a lot more people coming out to, like, fans of the show?

02:34:24.000 Definitely.

02:34:25.000 And they're the best fans.

02:34:26.000 That's awesome.

02:34:26.000 They're the most amazing people at the shows.

02:34:28.000 So, yeah, I got a bunch of...

02:34:31.000 It's been great.

02:34:31.000 And our goal is to get to the point where we can do what we're doing in Seattle and...

02:34:37.000 In a bunch of different places.

02:34:39.000 And still play like the good clubs that we love playing, but try to take a little more control of where we're doing it and what we're doing. 0.91

02:34:45.000 Yeah, I mean you should be able to book shit now because your podcast has been going on for a couple years now, right? 0.88

02:34:52.000 How many years? 0.98

02:34:53.000 We're over two, so we're going into our third year.

02:34:57.000 That's strong.

02:34:59.000 It's amazing how if you just stick with something, all of a sudden, boom, there's two years gone.

02:35:03.000 With us, it's three.

02:35:04.000 It's crazy.

02:35:05.000 We're three years in now.

02:35:06.000 And you guys, I remember doing, I was telling somebody, I'm on one of your first 15, sitting on a couch.

02:35:13.000 And I just remember, we'd lean up, you're like, sit closer to the mic, man.

02:35:16.000 And I'd sit back, and then you're like, sit closer to the mic. 0.99

02:35:19.000 And I kept scooching back, but yeah, and then now you have a whole goddamn studio. 0.98

02:35:22.000 Yeah, we resisted for a long time. 0.97

02:35:24.000 But you really embraced it now.

02:35:26.000 Now, yeah.

02:35:27.000 Well, now it's more important than anything else I do.

02:35:31.000 I know.

02:35:32.000 Now it's more important than, I mean, really, I hate to say it, it's more important than the UFC. As far as for my stand-up gigs, it's way more important.

02:35:40.000 Like this weekend, one of the things that Trippie's, our buddy Tony Zara from our message board, He came down this weekend and it was interesting hearing him talk about the difference in the shows.

02:35:52.000 He used to come see me at the Punchline when I was there.

02:35:55.000 The Punchline in Columbus.

02:35:57.000 What is it?

02:35:57.000 Funnybone?

02:35:58.000 Columbus.

02:35:59.000 Funnybone.

02:35:59.000 Funnybone in Columbus.

02:36:00.000 Great club.

02:36:01.000 It was a little tiny place. 0.99

02:36:02.000 But this time we're at the Palace Theatre and there's fucking 2,400 people there. 0.98

02:36:06.000 It was crazy huge. 0.97

02:36:07.000 And it's this beautiful place and it's packed.

02:36:10.000 And he was like, the nutty thing was like, people were so nice and friendly.

02:36:14.000 And between all the jokes, everybody was like real quiet and respectful.

02:36:18.000 He goes, it was nuts. 0.99

02:36:19.000 He goes, it was fucking nuts. 0.99

02:36:21.000 Everyone's got Desquad t-shirts on or Higher Primate t-shirts. 0.97

02:36:24.000 It's like this crazy, positive, fun environment.

02:36:28.000 And all of that's attributed to the podcast.

02:36:31.000 It's all attributable to people that, you know, they've seen the podcast, they've seen the stand-up.

02:36:37.000 It's changed everything, man.

02:36:39.000 It changes the world.

02:36:40.000 It's for Diaz.

02:36:40.000 It changed the world for Diaz.

02:36:41.000 Diaz is constantly rattling off.

02:36:43.000 If you haven't seen Diaz's podcast, it's the church of what's happening now.

02:36:47.000 You can get it on iTunes.

02:36:48.000 If you go to Mad Flavor on Twitter, you can find out when he's doing them live.

02:36:52.000 I did his a couple weeks ago, and he told me a story about when he went to football camp as a kid, and it was Jack Lambert's football camp.

02:37:00.000 Do you remember Jack Lambert?

02:37:01.000 No. 0.99

02:37:01.000 He was a very famous Pittsburgh Steeler linebacker, like had his teeth missing because he was such a fucking animal. 0.99

02:37:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:37:09.000 And he walked into the bathroom, and Jack Lambert was taking a shit In one of those old school locker rooms where they don't have doors on the stalls. 0.99

02:37:18.000 And that he was shaving in the shit water. 1.00

02:37:23.000 I almost fucking had a heart attack. 1.00

02:37:26.000 That's old school. 1.00

02:37:27.000 If you want to laugh your dick off, go to Joey's Church of What's Happening Now, where I'm a guest on, and he tells that story, and it's piss your pants. 0.99

02:37:37.000 I'm going to get that and listen to it on the way home. 0.99

02:37:39.000 It's so fucking funny.

02:37:41.000 I got that iPod app, the iPhone podcast app. 0.62

02:37:45.000 Have you ever used that?

02:37:45.000 Oh, yeah.

02:37:45.000 It is amazing.

02:37:47.000 It's awesome. 0.96

02:37:47.000 I was bored with the shit that I had on my iPod. 0.96

02:37:50.000 Why? 0.99

02:37:51.000 I don't know.

02:37:52.000 It has horrible reviews.

02:37:54.000 I think it's great.

02:37:55.000 I have no problem.

02:37:56.000 I mean, I use Stitcher.

02:37:57.000 People hate everything.

02:37:58.000 They hate themselves.

02:38:00.000 Ninety percent of the hate you're getting out on all these people online is they hate themselves.

02:38:05.000 I went to a restaurant the other day.

02:38:06.000 They got three stars.

02:38:07.000 And I read the reviews. 0.97

02:38:09.000 So many people were just shitting on it. 0.97

02:38:11.000 It was amazing. 0.98

02:38:13.000 Because I had heard it was amazing.

02:38:14.000 People were like, oh, this new Italian restaurant opened.

02:38:17.000 It's so good.

02:38:18.000 It's not cheap.

02:38:19.000 I mean, it's pricey.

02:38:20.000 But the dishes were...

02:38:21.000 Fantastic.

02:38:22.000 In LA? It's out in, like, West Hills.

02:38:25.000 Okay.

02:38:25.000 But it was, like, five-star restaurant.

02:38:28.000 It was, like, in my eyes.

02:38:29.000 I was like, wow, this place is amazing.

02:38:31.000 It's really good.

02:38:32.000 The pasta was fresh pasta.

02:38:34.000 You know, it's like, the way they, I mean, it was legit.

02:38:37.000 Yeah.

02:38:37.000 But then I read the reviews.

02:38:38.000 It's like, people are just cunts. 0.98

02:38:40.000 People get upset about restaurants when they didn't get the seat when they thought they were going to get it, though. 0.99

02:38:44.000 Yeah.

02:38:44.000 One star.

02:38:45.000 Absolutely. 1.00

02:38:46.000 This is a fucking—and there was a cut hostess, and you're like, all right. 1.00

02:38:48.000 Our waiter spilled water. 1.00

02:38:49.000 One star. 1.00

02:38:50.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:38:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:38:52.000 But in the podcast app, like the other day, I was in my car, and I said, you know what?

02:38:57.000 I'd like to listen to Dan Carlin's Hardcore History. 0.97

02:39:00.000 So I'm at a fucking red light, okay? 0.93

02:39:03.000 And I go, man, I have time here. 0.99

02:39:04.000 Let's see.

02:39:05.000 Bang it real quick.

02:39:06.000 At a red light.

02:39:06.000 In the time that it took for the light to create, I go hardcore history.

02:39:09.000 It opens up.

02:39:11.000 Mongols. 0.82

02:39:12.000 Ding.

02:39:12.000 Play.

02:39:12.000 Bang.

02:39:13.000 Play.

02:39:13.000 It's playing, and it's playing on my fucking car through Bluetooth.

02:39:18.000 Just like that. 0.99

02:39:19.000 Instantly streaming.

02:39:20.000 It's amazing.

02:39:20.000 Perfect.

02:39:21.000 Not a glitch in it.

02:39:22.000 And for the next hour home, I listen to the history of the Mongol Empire, which is fascinating.

02:39:28.000 Dan Carlin's Hardcore History, we had him as a guest on the podcast a couple weeks ago, and now I'm addicted to his podcast.

02:39:34.000 It's excellent.

02:39:35.000 If you're into crazy stories about history and the wars and this whole shit about Genghis Khan, there's a series he's doing right now. 0.91

02:39:43.000 It's amazing. 0.98

02:39:44.000 It's so nuts.

02:39:45.000 It was only 1,200.

02:39:46.000 That was a few hundred years ago. 1.00

02:39:48.000 This motherfucker was just crazy. 1.00

02:39:49.000 Carving his way across the world. 1.00

02:39:51.000 Yeah, I'd love to listen to that, man.

02:39:52.000 It's amazing.

02:39:53.000 And I got it immediately at a red light with that podcast app. 1.00

02:39:56.000 So if you don't like the podcast app, go fuck yourself! 0.99

02:39:59.000 Yeah, it introduces you, I mean, to the podcasting to so many fans, too, that you didn't know existed. 0.99

02:40:05.000 Like, you always tend to think of, I mean, you've had, obviously, like, way more exposure and, you know, being on television, but, like, You forget when you do just the podcast that there's people downloading it all over Canada, all over Australia,

02:40:21.000 UK, and now...

02:40:22.000 Yeah, all over the world.

02:40:23.000 All over the world.

02:40:24.000 And that now we can go and do...

02:40:26.000 I'm going to do Toronto, and it's all because of the podcast.

02:40:30.000 I'm doing that underground comedy club.

02:40:32.000 That place is awesome.

02:40:33.000 I heard that place is awesome. 0.98

02:40:34.000 It's fucking awesome. 0.94

02:40:35.000 I'm going there in May. 0.97

02:40:37.000 Duncan just got back from there.

02:40:38.000 Yes. 0.99

02:40:39.000 He said it was a fucking incredible experience. 0.98

02:40:41.000 I'm so excited to go. 0.99

02:40:42.000 I'm going early in May.

02:40:43.000 And the beautiful thing about podcasts and the impact of podcasts is that if people don't like the podcast, it's not successful.

02:40:54.000 It's really that simple.

02:40:55.000 They don't take off unless people like them.

02:40:58.000 So no one's promoting it.

02:41:00.000 It's totally democratic.

02:41:02.000 It's totally organic.

02:41:04.000 It either happens or Or it doesn't happen.

02:41:07.000 So the people that enjoy our podcast, thank you very much.

02:41:10.000 We appreciate the fuck out of it.

02:41:11.000 I know you do.

02:41:12.000 I know you appreciate.

02:41:13.000 Absolutely.

02:41:13.000 It's like the greatest opportunity to have your own show that could have ever existed.

02:41:17.000 Absolutely.

02:41:18.000 There's nothing else that comes close to giving you the kind of freedom.

02:41:21.000 We're number one right now. 1.00

02:41:25.000 Suck it. 1.00

02:41:26.000 Suck it. 1.00

02:41:28.000 Suck upon it. 1.00

02:41:30.000 But we're very happy. 0.99

02:41:31.000 So thank you everybody that came out this weekend.

02:41:33.000 Brian, say thanks to everybody.

02:41:34.000 Yes, thank you very much.

02:41:36.000 Everyone was so nice.

02:41:37.000 So nice.

02:41:38.000 And pretty powerful Death Squad group there.

02:41:42.000 A hundred people before the show even started met at this event.

02:41:46.000 It's weird.

02:41:47.000 They're starting like chapters in every state.

02:41:49.000 They're organic.

02:41:50.000 Completely organic.

02:41:51.000 Death Squad Ohio.

02:41:52.000 Death Squad Connecticut.

02:41:53.000 Death Squad Florida.

02:41:54.000 Completely organic.

02:41:55.000 Death Squad PA. I hear you.

02:41:56.000 We have juggalos.

02:41:57.000 We basically have juggalos.

02:41:59.000 We have a new type of juggalo though.

02:42:01.000 It's like Fight Club.

02:42:01.000 They're nice.

02:42:02.000 They get their shit together. 0.99

02:42:03.000 They're eating kale shakes, lifting weights. 1.00

02:42:05.000 I talked to 100 people that lost fucking 100 pounds or more. 0.98

02:42:08.000 I mean, I'm not joking. 0.98

02:42:09.000 I talked to 30 people this weekend that said I changed their life.

02:42:12.000 And it happens every time we do shows.

02:42:15.000 The weirdness of it all and the unexpectedness of it all is the inspirational aspect of it.

02:42:20.000 Never thought that that was going to happen.

02:42:21.000 Never thought that people were going to take these crazy rants just getting pissed off and talking shit about things or breaking things down and take them and put them in YouTube clips and then those YouTube clips would get hundreds of thousands of views. 0.59

02:42:32.000 I mean, it's millions for some of them. 0.95

02:42:34.000 It's really crazy.

02:42:35.000 It's incredible, man.

02:42:36.000 It's incredible.

02:42:37.000 You affect people's lives.

02:42:39.000 But it's all organic.

02:42:41.000 No one ever planned to do any of this, and that's the most beautiful thing about it.

02:42:46.000 I'm headed right now from here.

02:42:47.000 We're going to get something to eat, and then I'm going to do David Cho's podcast.

02:42:51.000 Looking forward to that.

02:42:52.000 Love that dude.

02:42:53.000 You've got to come to ours soon.

02:42:54.000 We keep talking about this.

02:42:54.000 I would love to!

02:42:56.000 Let's make it happen!

02:42:57.000 Powerful Tom Segura.

02:42:59.000 Follow him on Twitter.

02:43:00.000 Tom, S-E-G-U-R-A. And follow Red Band on Twitter, R-E-D-B-A-N. If you go to DeathSquad.tv, you can find information on all the different shows that Brian will put on a show every month or so, including this Friday night at the Ice House in the Little Room,

02:43:17.000 which is the dopest room of all time.

02:43:20.000 I might come down.

02:43:21.000 I want to see what I'm doing Friday night, but if I have time, I'm going to come down and do a set.

02:43:26.000 Wednesday the 13th?

02:43:28.000 March 14th.

02:43:29.000 We have Tony Segura.

02:43:31.000 Yoshi is going to be there.

02:43:32.000 Tony Segura? 0.99

02:43:32.000 Who the fuck is Tony Segura? 0.99

02:43:34.000 Tony Hinchcliffe. 1.00

02:43:35.000 Tony Hinchcliffe.

02:43:37.000 How dare you?

02:43:38.000 Yoshi.

02:43:38.000 Yoshi just joined us.

02:43:41.000 Yeah?

02:43:41.000 Yeah, Billy Bono and Jason Tebow at the American Comedy Co.

02:43:45.000 March 14th.

02:43:46.000 That's next Thursday.

02:43:47.000 Tickets are at AmericanComedyCo.com.

02:43:49.000 And that is a really dope little place.

02:43:51.000 It's awesome.

02:43:52.000 Shout out to Yoshi.

02:43:53.000 People that are asking me about Montreal.

02:43:55.000 Montreal was sold out a long time ago.

02:43:59.000 I'm there with powerful Ari Shafir.

02:44:01.000 And we're doing the Jimbo's Comedy Club.

02:44:05.000 It's the tiniest little place. 0.99

02:44:08.000 It seats like no bullshit. 0.99

02:44:10.000 I don't even think it seats 100 people. 0.99

02:44:12.000 Really?

02:44:12.000 Yeah.

02:44:13.000 The last time I was there, I did the Palladium, I think it's called.

02:44:17.000 2,200 people.

02:44:18.000 And now you're doing a tiny 100 seat?

02:44:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:44:20.000 But it's my friend Jimbo.

02:44:21.000 See, I've been working for Jimbo since I think I first worked for him in 92 or 93. Yeah.

02:44:31.000 It's somewhere around then.

02:44:32.000 It was before I ever moved to California.

02:44:34.000 I was living in New York.

02:44:36.000 This is really cool.

02:44:37.000 And he's just the nicest guy ever.

02:44:39.000 And he's so nice.

02:44:40.000 I alternate whenever I do Montreal.

02:44:42.000 When I do Montreal, I do a big theater.

02:44:45.000 And then the next time I come in town, it's a few months later, whatever it is, I do his tiny club.

02:44:50.000 That's cool.

02:44:51.000 That's so cool.

02:44:52.000 It's fun for me.

02:44:53.000 It's fun to do.

02:44:55.000 It's a cool-ass place. 1.00

02:44:56.000 But unfortunately, it's sold out, bitch! 1.00

02:44:59.000 That's really cool, Joe. 1.00

02:45:00.000 You got way cooler.

02:45:01.000 It's an awesome place.

02:45:02.000 And then the 22nd and the 23rd is the next time on the road.

02:45:05.000 I'm going to be at Zaney's in Nashville, another small club. 0.99

02:45:09.000 I got a gang of new shit. 0.99

02:45:11.000 That I'm working on. 0.99

02:45:12.000 And so I decided to book myself in a really small place. 0.97

02:45:16.000 And Zany's in Nashville is fucking great. 0.71

02:45:19.000 When are you doing that? 0.96

02:45:19.000 That's the 22nd and 23rd. 0.96

02:45:22.000 So that's... 0.97

02:45:24.000 I'm just trying to put all this shit into a form. 0.97

02:45:28.000 I'm trying to do my next special in August. 0.97

02:45:30.000 Are you really?

02:45:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:45:31.000 Damn. 1.00

02:45:32.000 I'm trying to figure out where to do it. 0.99

02:45:33.000 Yeah, I've got an hour and 20 minutes now.

02:45:36.000 This past weekend, it was so solid. 0.99

02:45:38.000 It was like this new shit that I have. 0.97

02:45:40.000 It's like a lot of it is ideas that I've had before. 0.98

02:45:42.000 I just didn't know where to put them.

02:45:44.000 So it's coming along really quick. 1.00

02:45:46.000 So I figured, fuck it. 1.00

02:45:47.000 Let's get that ball rolling again. 1.00

02:45:50.000 That's great, man.

02:45:51.000 Yeah.

02:45:51.000 Because I have a new process that I'm doing.

02:45:55.000 And one of the new processes is work on what I have now, add to it, but also stockpile.

02:46:00.000 So I'm doubling up on my writing.

02:46:02.000 So I'm trying to have...

02:46:05.000 Four big writing sessions a week.

02:46:07.000 That's my goal, is to get to four major writing sessions a week.

02:46:11.000 So three days, I don't write at all, but four several-hour writing sessions.

02:46:14.000 Just write, write, write.

02:46:15.000 Yeah, and one blog a week.

02:46:18.000 So that's my other new goal.

02:46:19.000 Is your writing session just free-form writing?

02:46:21.000 Just like whatever stream of consciousness?

02:46:24.000 Yeah, whatever I want to write about.

02:46:25.000 That's cool.

02:46:25.000 Yeah.

02:46:25.000 It could be sports.

02:46:26.000 It could be my dick. 1.00

02:46:28.000 It could be poop. 1.00

02:46:29.000 Dick with your sports. 1.00

02:46:30.000 It could be dick and poop with sports. 1.00

02:46:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:46:32.000 That sounds like a good show. 0.99

02:46:33.000 That's a good show.

02:46:34.000 Dick and Poop with sports. 0.99

02:46:36.000 That's like a good, like, two radio guys that talk shit and don't want anybody to know their name. 0.99

02:46:40.000 I'm Dick and this is Poop. 0.99

02:46:42.000 We're Dick and Poop with sports. 1.00

02:46:43.000 Alright, you fucks. 1.00

02:46:44.000 Listen, we love the shit out of you people. 1.00

02:46:46.000 And we appreciate all of your support. 0.95

02:46:48.000 We appreciate all the positive energy that we get.

02:46:51.000 I say this all the time, but I can't say it enough.

02:46:54.000 We feel incredibly fortunate.

02:46:55.000 It's a very unusual place to be in in life.

02:46:58.000 And...

02:46:59.000 You know, I understand that, and I appreciate that, and I'm very thankful.

02:47:05.000 So, people keep coming.

02:47:07.000 Please don't stop doing the podcast. 0.99

02:47:09.000 I would never stop doing this fucking podcast. 0.99

02:47:11.000 I'll quit a lot of shit in this life, but I'm not going to quit this podcast. 0.99

02:47:14.000 We will always produce it in some form or another. 0.98

02:47:18.000 Go to rogan.ting.com to support our sponsor, Ting.

02:47:21.000 Sign up.

02:47:22.000 They'll give you $25 either off the service or off one of their groovy phones.

02:47:26.000 Go to Onnit.com.

02:47:27.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN and save yourself 10% off any and all supplements.

02:47:34.000 Tomorrow, we have Diamond David Lee Roth.

02:47:37.000 Woohoo! 1.00

02:47:37.000 One of the baddest motherfuckers to ever walk the face of the planet. 1.00

02:47:41.000 He will be here tomorrow. 0.99

02:47:42.000 And then Friday, of course, Dr. Amit Goswami.

02:47:46.000 And he's going to school us on the nature of reality.

02:47:49.000 Sounds cool, man. 1.00

02:47:50.000 You crazy fucks. 1.00

02:47:51.000 All right. 1.00

02:47:52.000 We love you.

02:47:53.000 We'll talk to you soon.

02:47:54.000 Thank you.

02:47:54.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 05, 2013

Joe Rogan Experience #332 - Tom Segura

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript