The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #333 - David Lee Roth

00:00:03.000 What the fuck was that? 1.00

00:00:05.000 That's your new one? 1.00

00:00:06.000 Jesus, son.

00:00:08.000 That's a lot out of hand.

00:00:09.000 Is that lobbying for or against gun control?

00:00:12.000 Neither.

00:00:13.000 He's on his own plane of existence.

00:00:15.000 I'm questioning now.

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00:02:05.000 Squarespace also has it set up. 0.99

00:02:07.000 That's encouraging.

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00:02:56.000 And by the way, it's already mobile setup, so like if you have an iPad or an iPhone, it already has the plugins that make it mobile friendly.

00:03:05.000 I know all about Squaresville.

00:03:07.000 Will Squarespace help me?

00:03:08.000 You know about Squaresville?

00:03:10.000 Like, hey man, Squaresville, like a 1950 gangster movie.

00:03:14.000 I hate to say it, man.

00:03:15.000 This cat is Squaresville.

00:03:17.000 Oh, yeah. 0.96

00:03:18.000 We don't need any more commercials, goddammit.

00:03:20.000 David Lee Roth is here to the music.

00:03:22.000 A living commercial.

00:03:23.000 Squarespace.com forward slash Joe. 1.00

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00:03:26.000 All right. 1.00

00:03:27.000 Why do you make the music?

00:03:31.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.

00:03:32.000 Check it out.

00:03:33.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:03:35.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

00:03:40.000 Two things I don't like. 0.99

00:03:41.000 One, I don't like you fucking with Nick Diaz's voice. 0.99

00:03:45.000 You gotta stop doing that. 1.00

00:03:46.000 Stop doing that.

00:03:47.000 I was gonna say, is that a remix or is that an electro typo, digital cyber something?

00:03:53.000 You gotta stop doing that.

00:03:54.000 Actually, I thought you were doing it.

00:03:55.000 Number two, you gotta bring back the English voice.

00:03:57.000 I missed that chick. 1.00

00:03:58.000 Oh.

00:03:59.000 Did you have a chick with a British accent? 1.00

00:04:01.000 It was a robot chick with a British accent. 0.96

00:04:03.000 Oh, that's kind of kinky. 0.88

00:04:04.000 Even a robot chick with a British accent. 0.96

00:04:06.000 I like that.

00:04:08.000 And was it another chick pretending to be a British chick but sounding like a robot? 0.74

00:04:12.000 Something along those lines.

00:04:14.000 I think I know her.

00:04:16.000 Oh, that one.

00:04:18.000 That one.

00:04:19.000 David Lee Roth, ladies and gentlemen.

00:04:22.000 Yes.

00:04:23.000 So we've started off talking about girls with no last names, and I have three.

00:04:28.000 Yeah, how'd you pull that off?

00:04:29.000 Is that a real name?

00:04:30.000 Yes.

00:04:30.000 David Lee Ross, your real name?

00:04:31.000 That is my real name.

00:04:31.000 That's the way to rock it, right?

00:04:33.000 Make it to superstar status on your real name.

00:04:36.000 Well, I started using the middle name because I thought it sounded more like Southern, which it kind of does.

00:04:42.000 Right.

00:04:43.000 Why Southern?

00:04:44.000 Why would you want to sound more Southern?

00:04:46.000 I don't know.

00:04:48.000 Well, yeah, see, there you go.

00:04:50.000 Who would ever thought that Leonard Skinner would be a name?

00:04:54.000 That's like a Baltic, Euros, who would be a Mr. Skinner? 1.00

00:05:00.000 That's like a Mr. Giebler or something.

00:05:01.000 Well, how about Van Halen?

00:05:03.000 Van Halen's a pretty odd name for a band as well.

00:05:05.000 It was my idea too.

00:05:06.000 Was it really?

00:05:07.000 I sit on the heels of like Santana.

00:05:09.000 Right.

00:05:10.000 It sounds kind of dramatic.

00:05:12.000 Maybe it's the name of a sailing ship or the name of a sailing captain or the name of the wind.

00:05:19.000 That's what I always thought Santana was.

00:05:21.000 Yeah.

00:05:22.000 It's the name of the guitar player, but you say it the same.

00:05:25.000 And much like Leonard Skinner, all it has to do is be awesome.

00:05:28.000 It doesn't really matter what the name you call it is.

00:05:31.000 Skinner proved that, right?

00:05:33.000 Well, maybe they proved that the more colorful it is, like Schwarzenegger.

00:05:37.000 Whoever thought that?

00:05:38.000 If you saw that in print, you know, originally in old Hollywood style, you would look and go, no way.

00:05:44.000 But maybe that's part of the reason it's...

00:05:47.000 So well known.

00:05:48.000 I wonder how many people Arnold Schwarzenegger called up and was like, see, I told you. 1.00

00:05:52.000 You didn't know shit. 1.00

00:05:54.000 You fuck with my life and you don't know shit. 1.00

00:05:56.000 I would have been one who would have thought, no, you can't go with that long last name, you know? 1.00

00:06:01.000 You can, though.

00:06:02.000 Like, even the way Skinner spelled their name was like L-Y-N-R-D-S-K-Y-N-R-D. You gotta get a name like a verb, like share or sting.

00:06:14.000 Usher.

00:06:15.000 But Skinner pulled it off.

00:06:16.000 You can pull it off. 0.96

00:06:18.000 It's not the right way to do it, but you can just make a fucking goofy spelling of something and it actually can work. 0.92

00:06:24.000 There's always names like Engelbert Humperdinck. 0.90

00:06:28.000 Right.

00:06:29.000 Are anybody else in this room old enough to remember that name?

00:06:32.000 He was like a lounge singer.

00:06:35.000 Kind of, you know, in the I did it my way kind of a fellow.

00:06:40.000 I think it's a real name, too.

00:06:41.000 Where did you guys start out?

00:06:43.000 What state did you guys start out?

00:06:44.000 We started off in the usual state of confusion, but really mostly down the street, bicycle distance.

00:06:50.000 Good question, because it is only bicycle distance in Pasadena.

00:06:54.000 And coming out of high school, you know, it was time, you know, you're playing backyard parties and the occasional wedding and whatnot, because you're not quite old enough to play in the bars.

00:07:06.000 And when Van Halen was playing in the bars around here, nobody had any money for a sound system.

00:07:12.000 We don't blink now.

00:07:13.000 When you see some big boom speakers, you know, in the corners, and there's a guy with a, you know, he's got his own, well, now you can take your iPod and plug it in.

00:07:21.000 But, you know, a couple of turntables and some people with some cool headgear.

00:07:25.000 We don't blink when we see that.

00:07:27.000 But coming up all the way up until the late 70s, nobody had that.

00:07:31.000 You had to have a live band.

00:07:33.000 And we played five 45-minute sets a night, usually five and six nights a week.

00:07:38.000 This could have been a club right here.

00:07:41.000 This right here could have easily done it.

00:07:44.000 As long as a stage meant something that you tripped your toe over.

00:07:48.000 Sometimes it was just marked off.

00:07:51.000 Well, the stage used to be there, so technically it's always there.

00:07:56.000 Or the stage is in your heart, son.

00:07:58.000 Yeah.

00:08:01.000 So you would basically perform on a dance floor or an auditorium floor.

00:08:04.000 Many, many times.

00:08:05.000 Face to face with the rest of the human race.

00:08:08.000 And we got used to doing that at parties.

00:08:10.000 Backyard parties where we would rent the light.

00:08:13.000 Pull up one of the cars and get a little mini Trooperette spotlight for 55 bucks for the weekend.

00:08:20.000 And put it up on top of the gardening shack or the room that when somebody has a swimming pool, you gotta have the little shed that...

00:08:29.000 All the pool equipment fits in.

00:08:31.000 Well, that's perfect for putting somebody up there.

00:08:33.000 It's like out of a movie, you know, a rock and roll movie.

00:08:36.000 You put the character up there and give him enough six-pack that he stays up there for the whole show, but he gets progressively drunker.

00:08:45.000 Or he brings his girlfriends up there and then the roof caves in.

00:08:48.000 Are you guys writing this down?

00:08:49.000 You got to write this down.

00:08:51.000 We got a recording.

00:08:52.000 We're recording the whole thing.

00:08:53.000 We'll go back later with the translator.

00:08:55.000 It'll take notes.

00:08:57.000 Check it for veracity.

00:08:59.000 Yeah.

00:08:59.000 So around Pasadena, huh?

00:09:01.000 Yep.

00:09:02.000 Wow.

00:09:02.000 There's a lot of great bands came from California.

00:09:05.000 It's funny how you see states and some states as great bands will blossom out of.

00:09:10.000 And then you see there's a ton of states where you hardly ever see any bands come from.

00:09:14.000 I'm gonna wonder if it's because of where showbiz is located because the opportunities are always here whether you're trying to play television or get into the movies singing and dancing in the background or you want to be in rock and roll you know well you got to be discovered by the record company you know for 20,

00:09:36.000 30, 40 years it was that now maybe it's another method maybe now you email back and forth and You know, you're intercepted somehow.

00:09:46.000 Yeah, now probably there's a novelty to not being from Hollywood.

00:09:49.000 There's probably a novelty, like, these bodies are badass and they live in South Dakota. 0.60

00:09:53.000 Like, whoa! 0.99

00:09:54.000 They live in a place that fucking sucks and they're awesome! 1.00

00:09:58.000 That might be the band, you know? 1.00

00:09:59.000 Straight up Utah.

00:10:01.000 Yeah, they're from Utah.

00:10:02.000 They love Utah.

00:10:03.000 They're Mormons, but they have a guitar. 0.80

00:10:05.000 They were raised Mormon.

00:10:06.000 They technically...

00:10:07.000 They still wear the underwear, but they're confused.

00:10:11.000 Confused underwear.

00:10:12.000 I think that's their name.

00:10:14.000 But their band is badass.

00:10:15.000 All that strife and confusion is in their music, man.

00:10:19.000 You always want something from far away, the rarity, right?

00:10:23.000 If it comes from out on the tundra somewhere.

00:10:27.000 You told us before the show that you've been living in Tokyo for the last 10 months?

00:10:31.000 Yeah, maybe a little bit longer, actually.

00:10:33.000 How did that come about?

00:10:34.000 Well, like all the best wandering stories, it started out a bit unexpectedly.

00:10:41.000 We were going to play in the Van Halen band, and Ed took sick, and we had to postpone everything.

00:10:50.000 And I was already going to show up a month or two early, kind of get my feet wet, see what it's like being there as opposed to just visiting.

00:10:58.000 If you go for a week or two or three, okay, you know, you can eat pretty much whatever you want and you don't really have a legit schedule that you're keeping every day.

00:11:08.000 You're probably not shopping for yourself.

00:11:09.000 You're probably not cooking for yourself and that kind of thing.

00:11:11.000 Right.

00:11:12.000 And once Ed took sick, I said, you know what?

00:11:15.000 I'm going to stick with the schedule.

00:11:16.000 And I'm going to get there a few months early for the gig that didn't happen.

00:11:20.000 And how long is it going to be before he's feeling well and ready to play?

00:11:26.000 And they said, oh, about ten and a half months.

00:11:28.000 I said, well, I'll be busting a groove in Nihongo then.

00:11:34.000 What's wrong with Ed?

00:11:35.000 Oh, he had some stomach issues and some stomach ailments.

00:11:38.000 But he's healed up just fine.

00:11:40.000 And we're going to be playing in Australia coming up.

00:11:42.000 That's a serious thing, though.

00:11:44.000 Something that takes you out for ten and a half months.

00:11:46.000 Like, wow, that's a...

00:11:47.000 No, he got well.

00:11:49.000 You're pretty astute there.

00:11:51.000 He got well a lot sooner, but they couldn't position the gigs any closer.

00:11:55.000 Oh, I see.

00:11:55.000 We had to make room for baseball season.

00:11:57.000 I see.

00:11:58.000 And a lot of seasons in Tokyo, as you know.

00:12:02.000 So when you decide to just pack up and go to Tokyo, do you know people there?

00:12:06.000 Are you traveling with people?

00:12:07.000 Like, how'd you rock it?

00:12:09.000 I didn't know anybody when I went there.

00:12:11.000 I said, you know, classic old Jack London, you know, let's just sign up for something. 0.99

00:12:19.000 Fuck, I love that you did that. 0.99

00:12:21.000 You know, I'm going to set up shop and I'll find an apartment and I'll use my smile like a ray gun. 1.00

00:12:28.000 There, you see?

00:12:31.000 We're friends right away.

00:12:32.000 I learned right away how to say, you know, 15 self-effacing, make-fun-of-myself things.

00:12:38.000 In Japanese.

00:12:39.000 In Japanese.

00:12:41.000 Right away, my Japanese is bad.

00:12:45.000 Please excuse me.

00:12:46.000 And if I make the right funny face, instantly anybody in any room exhales and goes, okay, he's not that dangerous.

00:12:53.000 Did you try to use Rosetta Stone?

00:12:56.000 How'd you learn how to speak Japanese?

00:12:59.000 No, I go to school a couple hours a day.

00:13:01.000 I go every day of the week.

00:13:02.000 Yep.

00:13:03.000 You go and take Japanese lessons?

00:13:04.000 I do.

00:13:05.000 And then I always wanted to, you know, just being around the martial arts, you know, you always think someday, wow, if I'm on Kung Fu, then someday I'm going to go to the temple.

00:13:16.000 I'm going to fly through the air.

00:13:19.000 Someday if I'm in professional wrestling, then I'm going to go to Vince McMahon's place and I'm going to train and I'm going to be called Diamond Somebody and I'll do that.

00:13:33.000 And if I throw the ball, I'm going to go to the NFL. So your idea was just like, fuck it, I'm just going to live in Japan for a while. 0.99

00:13:39.000 Yeah, I've always wanted to go to Japan and train with that sword and learn it from the real guys, the real people. 0.98

00:13:46.000 So was the idea that you guys were going to do an extended tour in Japan?

00:13:50.000 Is that what the idea was?

00:13:51.000 Extended in Japan means two weeks.

00:13:53.000 It was only two weeks, really?

00:13:55.000 Yeah, we live in an iPod society now.

00:13:59.000 Everything is kind of condensed.

00:14:03.000 It actually means crushed.

00:14:05.000 And everything's kind of condensed there.

00:14:07.000 So when you go to Japan just touring, you're like Racehorse.

00:14:12.000 And I admit it, hey, when it's time for touring, you want the very best show out of me possible.

00:14:18.000 So that's Eat Sleep, Race Win.

00:14:20.000 Eat Sleep, Race Win.

00:14:21.000 And what you're going to see through the window is, come on, think if you were going to be in the Olympics, And you had two weeks to do it.

00:14:31.000 Would you be going out to eat at night?

00:14:33.000 No.

00:14:34.000 Would you be going to the movies and out dancing and carrying on?

00:14:38.000 You're there for two weeks for the Olympics.

00:14:40.000 So...

00:14:42.000 When we play with the band, then, you know, you really kind of get your face, you know, stay very focused there.

00:14:49.000 But I actually go back and live somewhere.

00:14:53.000 I actually will return and go and, you know, spend, we say, 18 months.

00:14:59.000 That's kind of metric for a year and a half, two years, if we're really, you know, having a decent time of it there.

00:15:06.000 And I don't require much at all.

00:15:08.000 You know, my...

00:15:09.000 The size of my apartment is probably as big as that little coffee room back there.

00:15:15.000 Really?

00:15:16.000 Oh yeah.

00:15:16.000 You know, I grew up around National Geographic magazines, you know, where there's the guy sitting in the back of the boat, you know, and he's going around the world and he can reach everything.

00:15:27.000 It's like at the desk right here, like Brian and everybody.

00:15:30.000 You know, everybody's surrounded by gear and stuff and you only have to kind of stretch a little bit to reach everything.

00:15:36.000 There's the coffee cup.

00:15:37.000 There's the tiller. 0.95

00:15:38.000 I don't know what a tiller is, but you can reach it.

00:15:40.000 And over here is the electro compass.

00:15:43.000 And over here's the camera.

00:15:45.000 And I always kind of dug that.

00:15:47.000 Tour buses are the same thing.

00:15:48.000 So you like just living in this small apartment.

00:15:51.000 It's like you're going back to your roots.

00:15:53.000 You're like roughing it almost.

00:15:54.000 Oh, yeah.

00:15:55.000 You bet.

00:15:56.000 And my teachers are very unforgiving.

00:15:58.000 They're very, you know, what do you call it?

00:16:02.000 Do they have any idea who you are?

00:16:03.000 Oh, sure.

00:16:04.000 Kiyoshi no Tanda no Hoto.

00:16:08.000 Nice try.

00:16:09.000 What did you just look up?

00:16:11.000 Hot for a teacher.

00:16:14.000 What is that?

00:16:18.000 It's from gangster movies.

00:16:20.000 Who do you think you're talking about?

00:16:23.000 Do you still train in martial arts?

00:16:25.000 Yes.

00:16:26.000 Well, that's part of the reason I'm there, is I train in kinjutsu.

00:16:29.000 I do the long sword, the katana, you know, the samurai sword, and I have a teacher there that I go to three times a week, and I got to do the homework, and it's, you know, I've worked my way up to that.

00:16:42.000 At the end of the last Van Halen tour, I was in the shape of my life, or as best a shape as my old life will now allow, And I said, wow, I can keep up with pretty much anybody at this point.

00:16:55.000 Let's not waste it.

00:16:56.000 And I went, you know, Ed took ill.

00:16:59.000 And I said, yeah, I'll still come.

00:17:02.000 I'm going to move in.

00:17:03.000 And I got going.

00:17:06.000 So you train like sword fighting.

00:17:09.000 Yes, that's part of it.

00:17:11.000 Is it similar to kendo?

00:17:12.000 Like where you whack each other with fake swords?

00:17:16.000 Yep, we have that.

00:17:17.000 We use real swords.

00:17:19.000 We use these steel swords for doing forms and fast draw, slow draw.

00:17:26.000 A lot of times what you see in yaido, which is kind of a kata, it's slow.

00:17:33.000 Think of it like Tai Chi, for those of you who are listening to this who are unfamiliar with it.

00:17:39.000 But you do it with swords.

00:17:41.000 Fast draw is exactly what it says it is.

00:17:45.000 Keep the art form alive.

00:17:47.000 It's all the same stuff that you would do with a billy club.

00:17:50.000 It's all the same stuff you would do with one of those.

00:17:52.000 Are you preparing for the apocalypse?

00:17:54.000 I am, actually. 0.98

00:17:55.000 When people run out of bullets and you have to samurai sword the fuck out of people? 0.92

00:17:58.000 Well, I'll be teaching people how to do that.

00:18:01.000 That's what you do when the apocalypse hits?

00:18:04.000 Well, I'll be accredited by then.

00:18:06.000 We'll go to the Diamond Dave camp.

00:18:08.000 Diamond Dave camp for survival and dark days.

00:18:12.000 That's a good name for it.

00:18:13.000 Are you concerned with the food?

00:18:14.000 I would wear that shirt, actually.

00:18:16.000 It's not a bad idea.

00:18:17.000 Somebody print it.

00:18:18.000 Are you concerned with the food toxins and stuff like that in Japan? 0.99

00:18:22.000 Like the nuclear shit that's going on with the earthquake? 1.00

00:18:25.000 Of course I am. 1.00

00:18:26.000 And I am super consumed with that everywhere I go.

00:18:33.000 The only rationalization that I can use, and I do use the rationalization, is that I gave up a lot of my personal rights, just me, Dave Roth, personal rights, to complain about 1,200,000 Marlboro cigarettes I go.

00:18:48.000 In that about 780,000 gallons of Schlitz malt liquor, the bowl that came in the tall can. 1.00

00:18:56.000 Schlitz is your shit? 1.00

00:18:57.000 The blue and yellow, blue and white and white can. 1.00

00:19:02.000 About 12,000 cans of that ago, I gave up a lot of my rights to whine about what I'm ingesting.

00:19:07.000 Do you still smoke?

00:19:08.000 Occasionally, I do.

00:19:11.000 Well, you get that baritone.

00:19:14.000 Does that help you?

00:19:15.000 Is that the justification?

00:19:17.000 That's why I do it.

00:19:19.000 I do it for the fame.

00:19:20.000 I do it for the kids.

00:19:21.000 I smoke for the kids.

00:19:23.000 Let them know it's still hip.

00:19:25.000 How many do you do a day?

00:19:28.000 Maybe two.

00:19:29.000 Two a day?

00:19:29.000 Yeah.

00:19:30.000 I've got to pull the plug on that.

00:19:34.000 It's hard.

00:19:35.000 I've watched this guy.

00:19:36.000 I've watched him struggle.

00:19:38.000 He quit once and then went back on it because his cat hurt his foot.

00:19:43.000 And you stressed over the cat?

00:19:49.000 He's like, that's it. 1.00

00:19:50.000 I can't take this shit anymore. 1.00

00:19:51.000 Where's the cigarette? 1.00

00:19:52.000 Oh, my poor kitty. 1.00

00:19:54.000 She's kind of limping a little.

00:19:57.000 And you had like a moment, right?

00:20:00.000 Well, there was other things around it.

00:20:02.000 It just was the breaking point was when my cat injured itself.

00:20:06.000 The breaking point. 0.98

00:20:07.000 My fiancé left me and all this other shit at the same time. 0.95

00:20:09.000 These are cathartic, like psychoanalytical, clinical moment noise things. 0.90

00:20:15.000 You have triggers that you're associating with things that are not that big, right?

00:20:22.000 Exactly.

00:20:23.000 You get into the root of the problem.

00:20:25.000 Dave, preach.

00:20:26.000 I was talking cigarettes and now I went with it.

00:20:28.000 Like they used to say to me, I don't know what's wrong with you, but I'm sure it's hard to smell.

00:20:33.000 Have you ever tried electronic cigarettes?

00:20:35.000 Electronic cigarettes?

00:20:36.000 What do they do?

00:20:37.000 You've never seen it?

00:20:38.000 It's this right here.

00:20:39.000 It looks like a cigarette.

00:20:41.000 Even if it comes with something.

00:20:41.000 And it gives you the tobacco, but mist comes out.

00:20:44.000 There's no smoke and it's not bad for your lungs.

00:20:46.000 Check this out.

00:20:46.000 Watch this.

00:20:48.000 I see.

00:20:49.000 Yeah, it's just the nicotine.

00:20:51.000 You get the nicotine, it gives you the fix.

00:20:52.000 And you can smoke anywhere.

00:20:53.000 Yeah.

00:20:54.000 Haven't you seen the Stephen Dorff commercial?

00:20:55.000 No, I'm familiar with this to some degree, but isn't that a lot like lap dancing?

00:21:01.000 Jimmy, can you tighten his thing?

00:21:02.000 This is moving around.

00:21:04.000 Is it like lap dance?

00:21:06.000 No, it's definitely different.

00:21:08.000 The idea behind it is it gives you all the nicotine.

00:21:12.000 But you're not smoking any burning chemicals.

00:21:16.000 It's like a vaporizer that delivers nicotine.

00:21:20.000 Okay, well I'm not going to make fun of nicotine because if you look back in all of our favorite authors and all of our favorite jazz musicians and...

00:21:32.000 A whole lot of other folks involved.

00:21:35.000 Nicotine plays a huge part in what they did.

00:21:39.000 Sigmund Freud used to smoke, what, two boxes of cigars a day?

00:21:43.000 Mark Twain, same thing?

00:21:46.000 The list is long.

00:21:48.000 Winston Churchill, two boxes a day?

00:21:51.000 Yeah, there was...

00:21:52.000 I forget what intellectual, very famous guy, Englishman, he wouldn't fly unless he could get a seat in the back so he could smoke his pipe.

00:22:02.000 That was back in the day when you were allowed to smoke on cigarettes?

00:22:07.000 I'm going to wonder what the main connection is.

00:22:11.000 There's a big connection between nicotine and people who are the real cerebral players of our culture.

00:22:18.000 Because it relaxes you, you know?

00:22:20.000 You're not...

00:22:20.000 Well, it's not bad.

00:22:23.000 The real issue with nicotine is the delivery method. 0.98

00:22:26.000 Where it's really toxic is in all the different chemicals that our lovely government has allowed cigarette companies to put into these fucking things to make them more addictive. 0.97

00:22:36.000 That was the Russell Crowe movie, Insider. 0.98

00:22:39.000 Did you ever see that movie?

00:22:40.000 Great movie.

00:22:41.000 Russell Crowe plays a scientist who works for the tobacco companies who's formulated various chemicals.

00:22:46.000 That make you addicted to cigarettes.

00:22:48.000 Your addiction to cigarettes is so intense and so extreme because they've allowed the cigarette companies to engineer their cigarettes to have the maximum amount of addiction.

00:22:59.000 It plays on several key factors in your biological system.

00:23:04.000 And it was all detailed in this movie.

00:23:07.000 So it's not the cigarettes.

00:23:08.000 It's not the tobacco, rather. 1.00

00:23:10.000 It's all the other shit. 0.99

00:23:11.000 It's 590 different chemicals. 0.99

00:23:13.000 It's not just tobacco.

00:23:15.000 Like, if you buy, like, American spirits, that's just tobacco, right?

00:23:18.000 Yeah, that's just tobacco.

00:23:19.000 Or if you buy that stuff where you roll your own, that's actually tobacco.

00:23:23.000 It's supposed to be way better for you. 0.99

00:23:25.000 The real issue is all the other shit out there. 0.99

00:23:27.000 It's never going to be great for you. 1.00

00:23:29.000 You're smoking, burning plant matter.

00:23:32.000 But it's definitely way better.

00:23:34.000 But you know what?

00:23:35.000 Japanese energy drinks have nicotine in them.

00:23:37.000 Are you serious?

00:23:38.000 Yeah.

00:23:39.000 I had one of the translators relate that to me because I had one that was really mean looking and it made me feel mean.

00:23:48.000 I was like, you know, I was yelling at people and I was angry at inanimate objects and stuff.

00:23:55.000 Wow.

00:23:56.000 Accusatory, you know, and this kind of thing.

00:23:59.000 And I thought, wow, this is great.

00:24:00.000 I wonder if I can get this in the States.

00:24:03.000 That's a good idea.

00:24:05.000 That's hilarious.

00:24:05.000 We should bring that out.

00:24:07.000 Yeah, why don't, well, it's probably illegal.

00:24:10.000 They probably wouldn't allow them.

00:24:11.000 Yeah, and I had her translate, and I wonder, can you put nicotine in drinks here?

00:24:15.000 You must be able to. 1.00

00:24:16.000 Well, you can get nicotine gum and just chew that shit. 1.00

00:24:19.000 I know a lot of writers actually advocate that. 0.99

00:24:21.000 For people who aren't even addicted to nicotine, not for trying to kick it, just for a stimulant for the mind.

00:24:27.000 Yeah, that's kind of in a circular way what we were just starting to talk about there.

00:24:32.000 Yeah, cigars too.

00:24:34.000 I love like a cigar buzz.

00:24:36.000 Cigar buzz is a great buzz.

00:24:37.000 And there's a connection to world power there, see?

00:24:40.000 Probably, right? 1.00

00:24:41.000 Although, I mean, all those guys when they're done killing and fucking dropping bombs on people, they're a big fat... 1.00

00:24:46.000 Exactly. 0.99

00:24:48.000 And I don't think any of my favorite jazz music could have been made or...

00:24:53.000 Composed or played in a smoke-free environment.

00:24:56.000 Yeah, well, you came from a time where clubs like the nightclubs were all smoke-filled, right?

00:25:02.000 Completely smoke-filled, and every movie was smoke-filled as well.

00:25:06.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:07.000 If you look at all the old black and white movies, it's astonishing how much tobacco is consumed.

00:25:12.000 James Bond movies are particularly, specifically why I smoke.

00:25:16.000 There's nothing weirded, though, than going back and watching those TV shows where a doctor...

00:25:21.000 It's talking to a patient while smoking a cigarette.

00:25:24.000 Have you ever seen that?

00:25:25.000 That is a trip.

00:25:27.000 That's one of the weirdest things you could ever see in your life.

00:25:29.000 But those 1950 shows, that was fairly common.

00:25:32.000 Like the doctors would be reviewing your chart with a cigarette.

00:25:35.000 People didn't know.

00:25:37.000 No, they really didn't.

00:25:38.000 That's amazing, isn't it?

00:25:39.000 How could you not know?

00:25:40.000 Does James Bond smoke now?

00:25:42.000 You know, that's so funny.

00:25:43.000 I watched Skyfall today.

00:25:45.000 Does he?

00:25:45.000 I don't remember him having...

00:25:47.000 I don't think he does anymore. 0.99

00:25:48.000 He drinks and fucks still, though. 0.99

00:25:50.000 Thank God for that. 1.00

00:25:51.000 We're pussifying all of our fucking heroes, man. 0.99

00:25:54.000 Well, Sean Connery was smoking Rothman's King Size in Goldfinger, and that's where I saw it. 0.99

00:25:59.000 I went out and I got a pack of Rothman's King Size, you know, the blue ones.

00:26:04.000 Mine was from watching you.

00:26:05.000 That's how I started.

00:26:07.000 Well, what brand did you start smoking from watching me?

00:26:10.000 I got it from watching you!

00:26:11.000 Lucky Strike Unfiltered.

00:26:14.000 No, really.

00:26:15.000 That's a telling thing, man.

00:26:18.000 When somebody says they're a Dave Roth fan or a Van Halen fan more appropriately, it says a lot about your sense of humor and your fighting spirit.

00:26:29.000 In my love for strippers.

00:26:31.000 That's fighting spirit.

00:26:33.000 Let's keep it alive.

00:26:37.000 Well, that's subgroup A. What is the name of this nicotine beverage?

00:26:43.000 Do you remember?

00:26:44.000 Does it have an American name?

00:26:46.000 I think it's in a lot of them.

00:26:48.000 Anything that has an exclamation point or a black label on the front of it.

00:26:53.000 You guys have been to Tokyo.

00:26:55.000 You've been to Japan.

00:26:56.000 What was your experience just shopping for the easy, like, chewing gum?

00:27:00.000 Did you try any of that?

00:27:02.000 No.

00:27:03.000 We were only there for a couple days, but we did.

00:27:06.000 And?

00:27:06.000 What was your experience?

00:27:07.000 It was really easy.

00:27:08.000 Because they all barely knew a little bit enough English that you could just go in and like, hi, how are you doing?

00:27:13.000 And then they tell you how much.

00:27:15.000 It was easy to do.

00:27:16.000 It was hard for me to find certain things like soapies or hotels and stuff like that.

00:27:22.000 I got lost on foot trying to find my way back to the hotel.

00:27:26.000 And it was impossible for me to do that.

00:27:29.000 So I had to go to one of those little police stations that are on every corner.

00:27:32.000 And he had to draw me a map.

00:27:34.000 And it was weird.

00:27:35.000 Not unusual.

00:27:36.000 Not unusual.

00:27:37.000 It's like going to Jupiter.

00:27:39.000 People say, you know, okay, there is a lot of English spoken, but you know what?

00:27:43.000 It's like learning Spanish in the school system.

00:27:45.000 It really is like an alien world.

00:27:47.000 When you go to Tokyo, it really is.

00:27:49.000 The culture is so different.

00:27:51.000 It's so different.

00:27:52.000 Everything is different.

00:27:54.000 Virtually everything.

00:27:55.000 Just shopping for dental floss is a whole different experience.

00:27:59.000 And the way that you approach people back and forth, the respect issue, even though it may just be sugarcoating a really sharp New York City sense of business and purpose underneath all of the old-fashioned and so forth is...

00:28:20.000 Every bit as savvy, right?

00:28:22.000 Every modern cop thriller that's on the movie screens today is right behind that guy's sunglasses.

00:28:29.000 There's modern as can possibly be there.

00:28:31.000 Yeah, but that sense of tradition still stays.

00:28:35.000 Woo! 0.99

00:28:35.000 It's very, very strong and important. 0.99

00:28:37.000 You do take your shoes off.

00:28:39.000 Yeah.

00:28:39.000 When you walk into a person's place or when you walk into a decent restaurant or whatever, you do take your shoes off.

00:28:45.000 And there are a lot of little...

00:28:47.000 Things you have to learn like that.

00:28:49.000 A lot of little P's and Q's. 0.67

00:28:50.000 You bet.

00:28:51.000 Now, are you living with people that you're friends with from back home or you just go by yourself?

00:28:56.000 Yeah.

00:28:56.000 You just totally went solo.

00:28:57.000 Yeah, my dog.

00:28:58.000 Wow.

00:28:59.000 So...

00:29:00.000 You put the dog in a ship?

00:29:02.000 Yeah, there's a way.

00:29:03.000 You ship him around and he goes through the European way so that he doesn't have to do 14 hours in a row there.

00:29:12.000 But people do it all the time.

00:29:14.000 Wow.

00:29:15.000 And there's not a lot of Gaijin, which is Japanese for foreigner.

00:29:20.000 There's not a lot of Gaijin faces there, which I enjoy. 0.98

00:29:23.000 I ride my bicycle everywhere.

00:29:26.000 And I'm up and down.

00:29:29.000 Like in New York City, I'm kind of uptown as well as the downtown.

00:29:35.000 Look at the parking lot for a Van Halen gig.

00:29:37.000 You've got a Mercedes-Benz parked next to a Harley-Davidson.

00:29:43.000 And nobody blanks.

00:29:47.000 I think that would be such a trip.

00:29:48.000 That same audience are the neighborhoods that I'm afforded access to.

00:29:58.000 What kind of a neighborhood do you live in in Tokyo?

00:30:01.000 I live in a pretty classic little place.

00:30:03.000 It's an apartment building.

00:30:05.000 Everything's vertical.

00:30:06.000 Vertical communities there.

00:30:08.000 I live up over a shopping mall that has a 24-hour grocery store underneath.

00:30:15.000 All right?

00:30:16.000 And that's in the basement.

00:30:18.000 You follow?

00:30:19.000 And then there's restaurants and shopping and then all the coffee shops and everything that we have here.

00:30:29.000 It's really international where I am.

00:30:33.000 Just ten minutes away by bicycle is way downtown.

00:30:37.000 And that looks like the Star Wars, you know, the bar scene.

00:30:40.000 Right.

00:30:40.000 Where everybody's kind of mixing and matching, you know, 15 different styles of, you know, one person, you know, outer space meets surf 1970s times Ninja Warrior times Dreadlock Holiday meets,

00:30:57.000 you know, they go on and on because they don't have neighborhoods.

00:31:00.000 They're just picking and choosing from different stores, from different websites.

00:31:07.000 They don't have neighborhoods like here we have, say, North Hollywood for the artists.

00:31:12.000 You have Silver Lake for if you're an artist or whatever.

00:31:17.000 Up and coming student in some sense of the word.

00:31:21.000 You'll stand down near USC or whatever.

00:31:23.000 They don't have places like that.

00:31:24.000 Well, no.

00:31:25.000 Everybody's kind of mishmashed together.

00:31:27.000 So you're not...

00:31:29.000 You can be even more creative.

00:31:31.000 It's not like you're growing up around a whole group of people who are all doing the same thing you're doing.

00:31:37.000 You kind of create yourself in the mirror differently every single day.

00:31:41.000 Now, did you find it hard to make friends there?

00:31:44.000 To have people to have conversations with in English?

00:31:48.000 I mean, I would think that that would wear on me after a while.

00:31:52.000 Well, yeah, but I don't do a lot of listening anyway.

00:31:57.000 So it's cool to just talk to people that barely speak English and rattle off at them?

00:32:02.000 Oh, yeah.

00:32:03.000 Past tense.

00:32:05.000 Who needs it, really, Joe?

00:32:07.000 That's hilarious.

00:32:09.000 So as I learn, you know...

00:32:11.000 It's almost kind of a hermit-like existence in a certain sense.

00:32:15.000 You can't have it be that very, very easily.

00:32:19.000 I like it because I'm in constant contact with people.

00:32:22.000 I do class with a variety of different teachers, and out of that comes my friends, and this is where we're going to go tonight, and why don't you come visit over here, etc.

00:32:36.000 That being said, conversation with folks is as fast as you can learn it from their language teacher.

00:32:45.000 Japanese is heavy lifting.

00:32:47.000 I've learned pretty fair in Spanish.

00:32:51.000 You know, I can get us in trouble and halfway out in Spanish.

00:32:55.000 Under duress.

00:32:57.000 Under spotlights.

00:32:58.000 But in Japanese?

00:33:02.000 Well, I can get everything done that I need to do.

00:33:05.000 I can get shopping done.

00:33:06.000 I can go down and do the dry cleaning.

00:33:09.000 I can do the taxi.

00:33:10.000 I can get my way through the movies and the restaurant.

00:33:14.000 So you're fairly fluent now.

00:33:17.000 Enough that I can translate for me.

00:33:19.000 I'm not quite at the point where I can translate for you.

00:33:22.000 Can you translate for you if you're watching something on television?

00:33:26.000 Yeah, well, I can tell you the story.

00:33:27.000 I can tell you the plot line of what's going on, who's doing what, and what each guy is, and what he represents.

00:33:33.000 When you're watching that, is it like an instantaneous thing, or is it like translating after you hear something?

00:33:40.000 Are you recognizing what he's saying?

00:33:42.000 Are you thinking about it in Japanese, if that makes sense? 0.94

00:33:46.000 It's kind of like listening to somebody who is your own age that you know is a compulsive liar.

00:33:51.000 So you're trying to pick out exact words that...

00:33:55.000 That may or may not make sense.

00:33:59.000 You turn to your friend and go, okay, Bobby, what happened?

00:34:05.000 Well, there's somebody going over there.

00:34:07.000 Last night late.

00:34:08.000 Late.

00:34:08.000 Okay, and you print that one word.

00:34:11.000 Two checks.

00:34:12.000 Two checks.

00:34:13.000 And you print that word.

00:34:16.000 Six pack of beer.

00:34:19.000 And you print that word.

00:34:21.000 And now you're getting the real story and you're comprising it of all of the other white noise that your friend Bobby may be dispensing.

00:34:32.000 That's where I'm at in Japanese television now.

00:34:36.000 If I'm watching a sitcom or if I'm watching a movie.

00:34:39.000 Then I can tell you what's going on and who's saying what to who, but I can't get it exactly, you know, word for word what's going there.

00:34:49.000 Are you doing some sort of a web show from there?

00:34:51.000 I've been doing the Roth show for the last three, four months.

00:34:55.000 I think we're on our tenth show.

00:34:58.000 And we finally just started talking about it.

00:35:01.000 That's part of the reason that I'm coming around through the pass here.

00:35:04.000 I love broadcasting.

00:35:05.000 I love just, you know, as we're doing now. 1.00

00:35:08.000 Right, shooting the shit on the air. 0.99

00:35:09.000 Beautiful, free. 1.00

00:35:10.000 I miss that.

00:35:11.000 What you can do now is probably so much freer than you could do when you were trying to, when you were doing terrestrial radio.

00:35:18.000 When, you know, you did that for a while after Howard Stern, right?

00:35:22.000 A while.

00:35:23.000 He means four and a half months.

00:35:24.000 It's a while.

00:35:25.000 I mean...

00:35:26.000 Yeah, that was a trial.

00:35:30.000 That was heavy lifted.

00:35:31.000 It was...

00:35:32.000 I had said to them initially, you know, folks, let's try some new things here.

00:35:39.000 You know, to just go back into the already set mode of, okay, you're going to need a traffic girl... 1.00

00:35:47.000 You're going to need a sports block.

00:35:49.000 You're going to need a morning team kind of approach.

00:35:55.000 I'm really not interested in doing that.

00:35:59.000 I guess they thought I would get under the wing and then we would progressively reach that point.

00:36:06.000 We never really got under the wing.

00:36:09.000 I love broadcasting.

00:36:10.000 I love talking.

00:36:11.000 But when I got fired, And I can see the look over here.

00:36:17.000 My general tone when somebody said to me in Japan, I said, Dave Sanso, you got fired from a big job in radio.

00:36:25.000 I said, what'd you ever get fired from, McDonald's?

00:36:30.000 Was that like a sore spot for you when you got fired?

00:36:33.000 No.

00:36:34.000 No, are you kidding me?

00:36:35.000 What'd you ever get fired from?

00:36:40.000 You've got to compare notes.

00:36:42.000 Like in high school, dude, that's nothing.

00:36:45.000 I got fired from Burger King and McDonald's.

00:36:50.000 No, their reasoning was that my humor was good, but it was not early morning humor.

00:36:57.000 What does that even mean?

00:36:58.000 Well, I just, you know, I was doodling around with, you know, adult concepts.

00:37:03.000 My thoughts are, to replace Stern like that, what they should have done is just, with no explanation whatsoever, put a Mexican show on. 0.98

00:37:11.000 Full Spanish, and not say a word, fuck you, who cares, this is what we have on, leave it on for a month. 1.00

00:37:17.000 And let everybody get all their complaining out of the way. 1.00

00:37:20.000 And then, after a month, you throw the Diamond David Lee Roth show on, and everybody's so happy to hear someone speak English again.

00:37:27.000 And we're like, listen, we got through this, this dark period of turning into a crazy Mexican station in New York City. 1.00

00:37:38.000 You're making clear sense.

00:37:40.000 It didn't make any sense to try to replace Stern.

00:37:42.000 My point is no one could have done it.

00:37:43.000 It was impossible.

00:37:44.000 Even if your show was amazing, they would have never allowed you to replace Stern.

00:37:48.000 You're replacing the greatest guy in the history of radio by far.

00:37:53.000 So anyone who went on after him was sort of like a...

00:37:56.000 You were a sacrifice.

00:37:59.000 I looked to try and do something completely different.

00:38:02.000 I had said to them, for example, after a life of danger and intrigue, why would I stop now?

00:38:07.000 We can install IS lines in a hotel room.

00:38:11.000 We can go up on a roof.

00:38:13.000 We can go from a basement.

00:38:15.000 I don't mind waking up at 2 in the morning and interviewing somebody who just finished his show in Las Vegas.

00:38:25.000 Why can't we at least start there?

00:38:27.000 It's a big hurdle.

00:38:29.000 So you're going to do things through Skype as well as do things for people that are in Tokyo?

00:38:33.000 Yes, exactly.

00:38:34.000 I'm sure there'll be a lot of people in Tokyo as well, right?

00:38:37.000 Broadcast from different recording studios because everybody's got super modern.

00:38:42.000 Everybody wants to be part of what's happening right now, especially in the economy.

00:38:47.000 Everybody understands a little more of that.

00:38:50.000 Promotion.

00:38:51.000 You know, get involved.

00:38:53.000 You might not make a penny right now, but you got your face out there.

00:38:57.000 You got your name, your brand, your studio, your whatever.

00:39:00.000 So people are a lot more flexible to that.

00:39:03.000 And you know what?

00:39:03.000 We crashed and burned.

00:39:05.000 They just couldn't see it.

00:39:06.000 The idea that I wasn't going to be in the exact same studio every morning, that became a real trudge.

00:39:15.000 And you know, getting up at 4.30 in the morning. 0.99

00:39:19.000 That's bullshit. 0.99

00:39:21.000 That's the roughest job in all of show business. 1.00

00:39:23.000 Especially for a rock star.

00:39:25.000 I mean, most of your shows are at night.

00:39:27.000 You'd probably sleep till noon most days.

00:39:29.000 Wake up feeling great.

00:39:30.000 To get up at 4 instead of that.

00:39:32.000 To get up 8 hours earlier than that.

00:39:34.000 Or just stay awake the whole night.

00:39:37.000 You're backing into the truth.

00:39:38.000 It's not the getting up.

00:39:39.000 It's the having to go to bed at what time.

00:39:43.000 The extra four hours, though.

00:39:45.000 That's like some Buddhist stuff I just did right there.

00:39:49.000 If it wasn't like that you had to be on for four hours, I would say you're better off staying up.

00:39:54.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:39:56.000 Or going to broadcast from Hawaii, guys.

00:40:00.000 Yeah.

00:40:00.000 You get yourself a suite at the Marriott something, right?

00:40:04.000 And I think you start at midnight or something like this.

00:40:07.000 So, you know, you can kind of balance out your thing.

00:40:12.000 And you can do pre-taped stuff for half of it.

00:40:15.000 Yeah, midnight from Hawaii?

00:40:17.000 Dude, I just figured it all out.

00:40:19.000 Yeah.

00:40:20.000 David Lee Roth just nailed it.

00:40:22.000 The new studio will now be on the big island.

00:40:24.000 I'm going to buy Terrence McKenna's place in Kona.

00:40:26.000 And you go high speed, low drag.

00:40:30.000 You go with mobile and lethal so that you can put everything in some Pelican cases. 1.00

00:40:38.000 And then you can move and you get a...

00:40:41.000 We need to buy Death Squad West West.

00:40:43.000 West West.

00:40:44.000 Death Squad West.

00:40:45.000 This is Death Squad West right now, but Death Squad West West will be...

00:40:49.000 You can get yourself with a balcony.

00:40:51.000 You can tune the room so you can hear things outside.

00:40:54.000 Dude, midnight, man.

00:40:56.000 Come on.

00:40:56.000 Let's go to Japan.

00:40:58.000 Let's even go Wester.

00:40:59.000 Wester?

00:41:00.000 That's too West.

00:41:01.000 We'll never get a show on the air that way.

00:41:04.000 But traveling though, even if you hate, especially if you hate where you are, going boo is way more fun than going yay.

00:41:13.000 If you hate where you are, so you had a particularly bad day of somewhere new was my thinking, then it's...

00:41:21.000 It's part travelogue.

00:41:24.000 You get to a little bit of reality, get to live the life of when we go on the road, when we go and travel.

00:41:32.000 Do you know what a great, by the way, what a great travel channel type show it would be?

00:41:37.000 David Lee Roth living in Japan.

00:41:39.000 Do you know how many people would watch that?

00:41:41.000 Do you know how badass that would be?

00:41:43.000 It's pretty colorful. 0.98

00:41:44.000 It's a fucking great idea for a show. 0.99

00:41:46.000 Someone should jump on that. 0.98

00:41:49.000 Would you do it?

00:41:50.000 Would you do a show?

00:41:51.000 Like showing people what it's like to live in Japan? 0.98

00:41:54.000 To be a superstar, rock star, all of a sudden Living in Tokyo, an apartment, taking fucking sword fighting classes. 0.97

00:42:02.000 It's pretty awesome. 0.97

00:42:04.000 Yeah, actually. 0.97

00:42:06.000 It's a lot better than fucking storage wars. 0.97

00:42:09.000 Watching people bid on things. 0.99

00:42:12.000 Fake things. 1.00

00:42:12.000 The fuck is that? 1.00

00:42:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:14.000 You know who my closest friend there, who's my senpai, who's kind of my teacher and mentor there is?

00:42:22.000 Konishiki.

00:42:23.000 One of the greatest sumo fighters of all time.

00:42:28.000 If you get on the Google web here, you'll find him.

00:42:33.000 Konishiki.

00:42:35.000 He was one of the first outsiders, Hawaiian, to come in and start fighting.

00:42:41.000 This was about 20 summers ago.

00:42:44.000 And his fighting weight was 600 pounds.

00:42:46.000 Jesus!

00:42:47.000 Yeah, wait till you see some pictures of him.

00:42:49.000 He's a national hero.

00:42:51.000 He does all kinds of ads for everything, you know, for airplanes and, you know, the 7-Eleven and, you know, and kids' stuff.

00:43:00.000 He has his own show, a television show.

00:43:03.000 Yeah, I remember hearing about him.

00:43:04.000 There you go.

00:43:05.000 How much does he weigh now that he's retired?

00:43:07.000 Did he lose a lot of weight?

00:43:08.000 Yeah, he looks like he's about 300. Wow.

00:43:12.000 Yeah.

00:43:12.000 Still a big giant dude.

00:43:13.000 Oh, he's the winningest guy ever.

00:43:15.000 He stayed when he first got on the plate.

00:43:18.000 You know, these guys are never supposed to win.

00:43:21.000 And he won 23 times in a row.

00:43:24.000 How crazy is it that you could lose 300 pounds?

00:43:29.000 How crazy is it that you could eat like that?

00:43:32.000 That would be glorious, man.

00:43:34.000 Can you imagine anything you want, basically, for breakfast? 1.00

00:43:37.000 Well, they go for that heaviest, most high-coward shit they can get in their bodies, right? 0.99

00:43:41.000 Well, you not only took me down to the tournament. 0.99

00:43:46.000 Okay, which is called the Basho, the huge tournament which takes place in the sports arena.

00:43:50.000 This is where we play, the rock and roll bands play.

00:43:52.000 But we went to the gym where all the beginners are working.

00:43:58.000 You follow?

00:43:59.000 All of these farm kids who are like in their early 20s, think of it like special forces live together.

00:44:07.000 As a fraternity kind of a thing, and that's how these, they're called rickshii, the wrestlers, start off on that.

00:44:13.000 Even the referees start when they're 15, 16 years old.

00:44:18.000 And we went and...

00:44:21.000 Had what they eat.

00:44:22.000 And you know what the trick is to gaining weight if you really want to be three, four, five hundred pounds?

00:44:27.000 Is don't eat breakfast.

00:44:29.000 Don't eat breakfast.

00:44:30.000 Really?

00:44:31.000 Yep.

00:44:31.000 Because your body, after about three days, will figure this out and it'll slow its metabolism down.

00:44:37.000 So that when you finally do eat lunch...

00:44:41.000 You'll get real tired, you gotta take a nap, and your body is working real slow.

00:44:46.000 You follow?

00:44:47.000 So it doesn't burn the food, it doesn't burn it off super quick, and you'll gain weight a lot, lot faster.

00:44:56.000 That's the ticket.

00:44:57.000 To growing up like a sumo player.

00:44:59.000 So they have a strategy to when they eat.

00:45:01.000 A strategy to slowing their metabolism down.

00:45:04.000 Correct.

00:45:04.000 They have like an anti-athlete strategy.

00:45:06.000 Yes.

00:45:07.000 I've been on that diet my whole life, by the way.

00:45:10.000 Yes.

00:45:10.000 No, that is their way.

00:45:12.000 That is the technique.

00:45:13.000 They don't eat until about 12 o'clock.

00:45:16.000 That's interesting.

00:45:17.000 And they eat about 10,000 calories in that one meal.

00:45:20.000 And then they go to sleep.

00:45:21.000 And then they wake up again.

00:45:23.000 And then later on at dinner, about another 10,000 calorie meal.

00:45:27.000 How much health repercussions do those guys suffer?

00:45:30.000 Huge.

00:45:31.000 Yeah, you can't escape the cheeseburger, man.

00:45:34.000 Yeah.

00:45:34.000 But that is the weight gain ticket.

00:45:39.000 If you want to start gaining weight quickly, skip breakfast.

00:45:42.000 Wait until about noon.

00:45:44.000 And then you can eat all that you want.

00:45:47.000 If you want to be a sumo.

00:45:49.000 Yeah, you want to get huge?

00:45:52.000 And some of those cats are huge!

00:45:55.000 Oh my god, it's like a wall, a piece of wall.

00:45:58.000 Do you enjoy watching?

00:45:59.000 Is it fun to watch?

00:46:00.000 Oh man, well, once you get to know some of the guys, because they're like the wrestlers we would know here.

00:46:06.000 You know, some guys are, for example, when they throw the salt, you dig?

00:46:12.000 That's like to purify the grounds. 0.96

00:46:14.000 But there's showbiz involved.

00:46:16.000 One guy takes it and he throws it, but he doesn't look.

00:46:20.000 It's kind of like a way of saying, screw you, to the other wrestler like that, which you're not supposed to do.

00:46:25.000 There's another guy who takes a whole scoop full of salt in his hand, and he throws it up in the air, and he stares up into it like Walt Disney, staring into the future, kind of a thing that he does.

00:46:40.000 And then there's another cat who takes two little pinches, he throws it, walks away, and takes another, and he throws it. 0.99

00:46:46.000 And then he throws the whole fucking box! 0.99

00:46:52.000 And that's like almost about two pounds of salt. 0.99

00:46:56.000 And the referees act really angry and they get really pissed.

00:47:00.000 And the audience is full of ecstatic glee, you know, because he broke the rules, you know.

00:47:07.000 That's hilarious.

00:47:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:47:09.000 And there are some guys who are technicians, you know, in terms of...

00:47:18.000 Fighters, okay?

00:47:20.000 You know, think like judo.

00:47:21.000 There are other guys who, like, someone Kanishki here was describing, he knew it all from football.

00:47:28.000 He'd been playing football for Hawaiian coaches in Hawaii since he was in grade school.

00:47:35.000 Clearly, a kid built like that was playing defensive tackle, defensive guard, defensive everything.

00:47:42.000 From the time he was a toddler, they put him in a football uniform, you know, in grade school.

00:47:48.000 And so he learned all of his balance.

00:47:50.000 He learned all of his agility, you know, moving side to side, lateral movement, responding to a coach's, you know, cue and, you know, learning plays, how to work with a team, etc., etc.

00:48:03.000 So, you know, when he stepped into the ring, so to speak, he was using football on these guys.

00:48:09.000 And he didn't even use the basic where you put both hands on the ground.

00:48:14.000 We all know that sumo position.

00:48:16.000 The idea in that is that you want to get bulldog low so that you dip down and come up under.

00:48:22.000 Like in a scrum, like in rugby or jujitsu, you want to be the one who gets up under, right?

00:48:30.000 You know, you get to the knees first.

00:48:32.000 You want to come in as low as you possibly can.

00:48:34.000 And he never bothered to do that, which infuriated everybody.

00:48:38.000 It caused a big stir.

00:48:40.000 Is it legal to start without both hands in the dirt?

00:48:44.000 We don't know.

00:48:45.000 Nobody's ever tried it.

00:48:46.000 That's crazy!

00:48:49.000 That's so crazy.

00:48:50.000 Oh yeah, and there's placards outside and demonstrations.

00:48:54.000 We can't allow outsiders into our national sport, but the national sport is going to pass away unless we have outsiders. 0.99

00:49:04.000 It's great show business.

00:49:06.000 So what is his stance?

00:49:07.000 How does he enter?

00:49:08.000 If he doesn't have two hands touching the ground, what does he do?

00:49:12.000 Like a defensive tackle or a guard where you just kind of get down low and you get your wrist on one knee and the middle of your forearm on the other like you're going to come up under with that shoulder.

00:49:25.000 It's pretty familiar.

00:49:27.000 You know, basic football posture kind of a thing.

00:49:31.000 But in the sumo world...

00:49:32.000 Well, is that legal?

00:49:34.000 Aren't you supposed to touch the ground?

00:49:36.000 Well, he did touch the ground, but now he's doing the Hawaiian lean.

00:49:39.000 And now you have kids, more importantly, all over the country imitating an outsider.

00:49:46.000 Oh my goodness.

00:49:48.000 They're doing the Hawaiian lean.

00:49:50.000 It's sort of like Tebow, when he gets down on one knee, and then these kids in high school, they're imitating a virgin.

00:49:58.000 It's really similar, right? 1.00

00:50:00.000 It's like, you don't want your kid to be like, hey, cut that out, you fucks. 1.00

00:50:03.000 Not that guy. 1.00

00:50:04.000 Exactly.

00:50:05.000 Exactly. 0.96

00:50:06.000 That's not your hero, goddammit. 0.98

00:50:08.000 That's a kneeling virgin. 0.97

00:50:10.000 And he was not slated to win right away, which he started doing.

00:50:15.000 Because, you know, a lot of these kids who start off in sumo, they're farm kids.

00:50:20.000 And they don't have any real sporting skills.

00:50:23.000 They've seen it on TV. They're just strong.

00:50:26.000 Yeah.

00:50:26.000 Big strong.

00:50:28.000 And they'll come down and they'll start living at the stables, like boxing stables.

00:50:33.000 That's what it's called.

00:50:34.000 Did you ever see a mixed martial arts event in Japan?

00:50:37.000 No, I never have.

00:50:39.000 I've seen a thousand of them, you know, on television.

00:50:44.000 There was a huge one last weekend.

00:50:46.000 Vanderlei Silva just fought this guy Brian Stan last weekend in Japan.

00:50:51.000 You know what?

00:50:51.000 I saw it on the cover of Metropol Magazine, which is one of the magazines that, you know, is the English-spoken whatnot.

00:51:00.000 I saw them on the cover and whatnot.

00:51:02.000 How long were they there?

00:51:03.000 Just for one weekend?

00:51:04.000 Yeah, it was just one night of fights, but the audience is so interesting.

00:51:08.000 Like, Brian, you've experienced that when you went to the UFC there.

00:51:11.000 They clap.

00:51:12.000 They're so polite.

00:51:14.000 They're very quiet while the fights are going on.

00:51:16.000 And anything technical that happens, like a reversal, escape, like anything where a lot of people wouldn't cheer, they like...

00:51:23.000 They're like, anything where you progress, like you pass the half guard, he's in the mouth, oh, they get, they're very polite.

00:51:30.000 It's really interesting.

00:51:30.000 Only people yelling, I would like look back to see who was yelling, because there was like only a couple, and you would see, oh, it's just US military dudes.

00:51:37.000 Yeah.

00:51:39.000 We can get us anywhere. 1.00

00:51:40.000 We're like, kick his fucking ass! 1.00

00:51:42.000 Woo! 1.00

00:51:44.000 Japanese people next to him are like, what the fuck, man? 1.00

00:51:47.000 Totally. 1.00

00:51:48.000 You're not observing it.

00:51:49.000 No, you're describing something that is absolutely accurate.

00:51:52.000 Yeah.

00:51:52.000 Okay?

00:51:53.000 Absolutely accurate.

00:51:56.000 I was just on the phone with Alex Van Halen and talking to him about we're going to be playing at the Tokyo Dome.

00:52:03.000 We're playing at the big arenas there in Japan.

00:52:06.000 And I wanted to remind him of exactly what you just described.

00:52:10.000 That in the United States and in Europe, you have what's like an idling cheer, a scream.

00:52:18.000 It's like a car, idling.

00:52:21.000 But it idles like a drag racer.

00:52:26.000 Like you depend on it.

00:52:28.000 The way you do your spiel, your talk, your punctuation.

00:52:33.000 Bill Cosby eating pudding.

00:52:36.000 You let them go.

00:52:37.000 You know, when do you now say the next thing that you're going to say, you know?

00:52:42.000 So you're listening with that.

00:52:45.000 And when Americans cheer, it's like a car.

00:52:49.000 I think it's called Blower Wine.

00:52:51.000 Bzzz! 0.74

00:52:53.000 Right, you hear it.

00:52:55.000 Right.

00:52:56.000 And it goes for a long time.

00:52:59.000 And if you're waiting to say something next or whatever, you're listening for that.

00:53:04.000 And you're listening for it to hit a certain point, volume-wise or duration-wise, that you now interrupt now.

00:53:12.000 It's a little bit like a dance.

00:53:14.000 You follow?

00:53:15.000 And if people are making the long noise, they enjoy themselves.

00:53:19.000 Great.

00:53:19.000 Let them enjoy themselves.

00:53:20.000 They love hearing their own power.

00:53:23.000 Yes, we are strong.

00:53:24.000 We're wonderful.

00:53:25.000 We're young and skinny. 1.00

00:53:27.000 Whatever the fucking thing is that night. 1.00

00:53:30.000 But in Japan, you don't get that. 0.99

00:53:32.000 Correct.

00:53:33.000 You get the...

00:53:34.000 Silence?

00:53:34.000 Yes.

00:53:36.000 It's sort of like cheering for the ball getting spiked in a volleyball tournament.

00:53:41.000 Wow.

00:53:42.000 And it's quick.

00:53:43.000 Very quick.

00:53:44.000 And I said to Al, you've got to remember, think back, how fast the cheer is here.

00:53:49.000 That we can't depend on that idling scream and the comedy show.

00:53:55.000 That's gotta be weird.

00:53:57.000 Where we get it laughing like, I call it Rat Pack style, but it's just where you've made a connection with the audience.

00:54:06.000 And pretty much no matter what you say, as long as it's delivered in the right tone with the right mood, you're a host.

00:54:14.000 The worst that I can be on stage is a host.

00:54:18.000 The best is a really funny host.

00:54:22.000 Or a really smart host.

00:54:24.000 They're there to have fun.

00:54:24.000 You're there to help them.

00:54:26.000 Exactly.

00:54:27.000 So the least I can do is be a good host.

00:54:32.000 And that means keep the spirit.

00:54:34.000 Especially if something goes wrong.

00:54:37.000 Oh my god, the plumbing just exploded.

00:54:39.000 Great!

00:54:42.000 Then everybody's instantly, okay, great, it's an adventure! 1.00

00:54:46.000 You know, as opposed to, oh, shit! 1.00

00:54:49.000 Oh, no, that's horrible. 1.00

00:54:52.000 You know, oh, my God, I don't want to be here.

00:54:55.000 This isn't fun.

00:54:55.000 This is now turning into something other.

00:54:58.000 That's up to the host.

00:55:00.000 On a good night, if you get everybody kind of humming and bubbling and well-fed and watered, then pretty much anything you say can be, yeah, it's a little bit funny.

00:55:12.000 And every now and then, I hit a moment when I'm just...

00:55:15.000 Sammy Davis Lee Roth.

00:55:22.000 Did you ever do stand-up at all?

00:55:24.000 Have you ever done just straight stand-up?

00:55:26.000 You ever try to do that?

00:55:26.000 Never have.

00:55:27.000 Have you thought of it at all?

00:55:28.000 I don't think I have.

00:55:30.000 I got the nards for it. 1.00

00:55:32.000 That's crazy because you kind of do it a little on stage.

00:55:36.000 Yes, just a tiny bit.

00:55:37.000 Enough to sneak up and tap the door and run back.

00:55:42.000 Yeah.

00:55:43.000 And then immediately hit the music, boys!

00:55:46.000 Hot for teacher! 0.72

00:55:47.000 I always have those trap doors built everywhere. 0.97

00:55:49.000 Like Felix the freaking cat. 0.90

00:55:51.000 I can draw that door anywhere on thin air and go, look, a song! 0.97

00:55:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:55:59.000 Forget about that fucking brick I just laid out there. 0.98

00:56:02.000 Yeah, you guys don't have that door, see? 0.97

00:56:05.000 So, all of my greatest respects to the job you have chosen.

00:56:11.000 For me, it doesn't even have to wind up funny.

00:56:15.000 For me, it doesn't even have to wind up clever or anything. 0.99

00:56:19.000 Just shut up, Dave. 0.99

00:56:21.000 Be the host. 0.99

00:56:22.000 When I first met you at the Comedy Store was when you weren't with Van Halen anymore.

00:56:28.000 You were on your own then.

00:56:31.000 And being back, it's gotta be a trip.

00:56:35.000 I mean, you guys were separate for so long, they tried two different lead singers.

00:56:41.000 I mean, the Sammy Hagar thing, a lot of people liked that.

00:56:46.000 But to me, it wasn't Van Halen.

00:56:48.000 It was like, this is just a whole other band that Eddie Van Halen's playing guitar in.

00:56:52.000 You can't call this Van Halen.

00:56:54.000 That's crazy.

00:56:55.000 Because the sound was so different.

00:56:57.000 The songs were so different.

00:56:59.000 The tone was so different.

00:57:01.000 It was like, all of a sudden it was like overweight, drunk girls music. 0.71

00:57:06.000 It was like, I didn't like it.

00:57:08.000 It was, you know what I'm saying?

00:57:10.000 It seemed to me to be like a completely different kind of a band.

00:57:16.000 And then they tried it with the extreme guy.

00:57:19.000 What's his name?

00:57:21.000 I'm taking, is that a point you're making?

00:57:23.000 What is that dude's name?

00:57:24.000 No, his name was the guy that was singing from Xtreme.

00:57:27.000 Right?

00:57:27.000 Remember?

00:57:28.000 Yes.

00:57:29.000 Continue, I'll think of it in a second.

00:57:31.000 And then they go from that, and then somehow or another you guys get back together again.

00:57:37.000 Well, that's, you know, it's like a football movie.

00:57:40.000 Right.

00:57:41.000 It is.

00:57:41.000 It's kind of crazy.

00:57:42.000 But that's got to be a really weird feeling to see them have this great success with Sammy Hagar, go out into the world, continue touring, and then that doesn't work out, or they stop that, and then this other guy, and they stop that, and then all of a sudden you're on fucking stage again. 0.95

00:58:02.000 And you're Van Halen again. 0.65

00:58:05.000 The real Van Halen.

00:58:06.000 Not Van Hagar, the real Van Halen.

00:58:09.000 And the band is booming.

00:58:10.000 Everybody is lucid.

00:58:12.000 Not sober, but lucid.

00:58:14.000 That's all you need, right?

00:58:15.000 Yeah.

00:58:17.000 In a court of law, I'll settle for Lucid.

00:58:20.000 I myself am Lucid.

00:58:23.000 For real Van Halen fans like me, when I heard that you were back with them, it made me so happy.

00:58:28.000 Because I enjoy your solo stuff, and I enjoy some of their music, even with Sammy Hagar.

00:58:34.000 But it wasn't the same.

00:58:36.000 Together, you guys were like this crazy mixture of all the right ingredients, you know?

00:58:43.000 Those ingredients are from right around the corner.

00:58:45.000 We started talking about, you know, I was in the busing program, which was all black and Spanish-speaking classes for junior high, high school, and more importantly, the youth club dance every Friday night, or one Friday per month,

00:59:01.000 and all the celebration, you know, the homecoming class dance, etc., for me and my sisters was all black and Spanish-speaking.

00:59:12.000 When we got graduation, they played Santana on a loop, Samba Patti, over and over.

00:59:26.000 The Van Halens went to a school, Pasadena High School, which was walking distance from me, but I had to get on that bus.

00:59:33.000 And there was all Ridgemont High.

00:59:36.000 That was Deep Purple.

00:59:37.000 Black Sabbath.

00:59:39.000 Led Zeppelin.

00:59:40.000 That was the movie, Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

00:59:42.000 Exactly.

00:59:43.000 Exactly that neighborhood.

00:59:46.000 White people. 0.69

00:59:46.000 Exactly. 0.69

00:59:47.000 So when we got together, first off, they'd say, look at him, he sparkles like a diamond, because I had suspenders and two-tone shoes.

00:59:54.000 As much brill cream in my hair as I could get to hold, you know.

00:59:58.000 And that's where the Diamond Dave came from, you know.

01:00:02.000 And so when we got together, I said to him, the reason that we're having trouble getting club gigs is it's not girl friendly.

01:00:11.000 You can't dance to the material, you know.

01:00:13.000 You can't play Highway Star by Deep Purple.

01:00:16.000 And that's not dance music.

01:00:20.000 Anything over about 128 beats a minute, you start spilling out of your drink.

01:00:26.000 And so if you look back now, jump ahead to all the Van Halen familiars, the big 15 or whatever we want to call it.

01:00:35.000 Jump, you really got me.

01:00:38.000 Running with the devil, dancing.

01:00:40.000 They're all about 100 to 128 beats a minute.

01:00:44.000 Coincidence?

01:00:45.000 Perhaps.

01:00:48.000 So you orchestrated it correctly, is what you're saying.

01:00:52.000 It was the perfect combination of you getting together with these white people and saying, listen, a lot of folks like to dance. 0.71

01:00:58.000 Hello.

01:00:58.000 Yes!

01:00:59.000 It was a perfect collision course of this.

01:01:02.000 It wasn't just that.

01:01:03.000 It was your voice with his music.

01:01:05.000 It was perfect.

01:01:06.000 You guys were an amazing band for a long time.

01:01:09.000 When I was in high school...

01:01:10.000 My sister's boyfriend had Van Halen as his license plate.

01:01:13.000 I forget how he had it to bring it down to the right number, like V-N-H-Y-L-E-N. I don't know how he did it, but everybody was a huge Van Halen freak in my high school.

01:01:23.000 They were always writing those V-H with all the little...

01:01:27.000 Like a political logo is what it is.

01:01:30.000 Yeah, that logo.

01:01:31.000 People would draw that on the back of desks.

01:01:33.000 You would find it on lockers.

01:01:36.000 That's a crazy, crazy life, man.

01:01:39.000 Well, we have a crazy, crazy audience, and I've used this crazy band as a passport to go out and visit with and to come and be part of.

01:01:50.000 My pop spent the last 25 years of his career, he was a surgeon, working in the prison system.

01:01:56.000 Like San Quentin and Folsom and Pelican Bay and Ivy League, he called it.

01:02:02.000 And he used to joke and he'd say that if you carry a gun to work regularly, then they know Van Halen.

01:02:10.000 And he meant that on both sides of the bars.

01:02:15.000 When a new Van Halen record came out, it was celebrated on both sides of the tier.

01:02:22.000 That's hilarious.

01:02:25.000 What was it like to be a superstar before the internet, too?

01:02:29.000 Well, that's an interesting case because probably the biggest prayer before you go on stage these days would be...

01:02:39.000 God grant us the powers and the drive and the focus that compelled those before us who did all of this before there was a microphone, before there was a camera taking a picture of what we do.

01:02:51.000 Think about, you know, broadcasting.

01:02:53.000 What would have been broadcasting?

01:02:55.000 I would have been on a stage with a guitar but no microphones.

01:02:59.000 No lights, no...

01:03:01.000 Candles.

01:03:01.000 Yeah, candles and no PA system, right?

01:03:04.000 And not so long ago, during Uncle Manny's life, he's still with us, and I'm sure, you know, back in the 1920s and 1930s, you know, they didn't have microphones and stuff.

01:03:14.000 They didn't have guitar amps, etc., etc.

01:03:18.000 That's what a lot of folks don't understand about the phrase upstage, when you say stand upstage of them.

01:03:25.000 That means modern stages are flat, but they used to ramp up and you used to have to project out into the audience because you weren't wearing a microphone.

01:03:36.000 Everybody had to be super quiet and the actor had to talk like this so the whole house could hear them.

01:03:43.000 And that's where that fake style of acting came from.

01:03:46.000 You had to over-project or no one could understand you.

01:03:50.000 The upside of not having PA systems, you caused me to remember some good story, is you've heard the term barrel house voice?

01:03:58.000 Yes.

01:03:58.000 Do you never wonder what it's from?

01:04:00.000 It's from a beer hall.

01:04:02.000 Full of beer barrels and everybody's having to stand at the end of that hall and sing over the top of that without a PA system.

01:04:12.000 We get the big barrel house voices, you know, like Tina Turner maybe has a barrel house voice.

01:04:18.000 Who do we know that has a barrel house voice these days?

01:04:21.000 Anybody particular?

01:04:23.000 That we're not even throwing name after name into the circle here.

01:04:28.000 R. Kelly, perhaps?

01:04:30.000 He's got barrel house stories.

01:04:34.000 Yeah, you must be proud of that, coming up through these little clubs and making your way that way, you know, and having these stories about back in the day when you had no stage and No PA system.

01:04:47.000 Oh yeah, it's the golden years.

01:04:49.000 And you would read about that growing up.

01:04:52.000 I didn't make it up.

01:04:54.000 I read about the Beatles moving together and having to live in broom closets in the Reeperbahn, in the red light district of Germany.

01:05:02.000 All right, sold.

01:05:04.000 Did you have to explain this to the rest of the band?

01:05:09.000 Were they all aware of it as well?

01:05:10.000 I don't recollect if this was one of my sell jobs.

01:05:13.000 There were some things that I had to sell to the band, but they were aware that this was part of it.

01:05:22.000 Their father was a traveling professional musician as well, so they'd grown up seeing photos of him.

01:05:27.000 In a steamship, you know, with a porthole, the circular porthole in the background and he's having a drink and he's sitting at the piano, you know.

01:05:38.000 I had grown up seeing, for example, pictures of my pop in the Air Force, you know, with What is that in the background?

01:05:45.000 That's Casablanca.

01:05:46.000 Good enough for me.

01:05:48.000 So when you grow up with that kind of a thing, then you sort of know the story.

01:05:55.000 The story is you got to start off in the beer bars.

01:05:57.000 You got to start off in the basements or whatever.

01:06:00.000 One of the best was right around the corner from here on Van Nuys was the Van Nuys Cruise.

01:06:07.000 And throughout the 70s, and I'm going to say at least half of the 60s, the cruise was probably four miles long, and it would take you over an hour to get from one end of it to the other, okay?

01:06:21.000 And all the bike clubs would park where the gas stations were closed, okay?

01:06:29.000 And it was the classic cruise.

01:06:33.000 It went past a place called The Rock Corporation, which looked a lot like where we're inside here with kind of a brick-facing inside.

01:06:40.000 A lot of bikers and et cetera used it.

01:06:43.000 And this fellow, Ricky Ratchman, who was a VJ for many years with Headbangers Ball.

01:06:49.000 I remember that guy.

01:06:49.000 Yeah.

01:06:50.000 Well, his father...

01:06:52.000 He owned the bar at the time, and his mother, and they were both in a bike club.

01:06:59.000 This was a biker's bar, and it was where they had the first wet t-shirt contest.

01:07:05.000 This was when they were being tried downtown in the LA court systems, if you got busted.

01:07:10.000 For running wet t-shirt contests, whether it was lewd, public exposure, you know, the usual collision course of the mayor versus, you know, whatever.

01:07:23.000 It's probably where the dispensary system is today in terms of the legal collision.

01:07:29.000 Well, it's in a gray zone.

01:07:30.000 Well, it isn't.

01:07:31.000 Well, we have a card.

01:07:32.000 Well, it's the wrong card.

01:07:35.000 It's the right card, but the wrong jurisdiction.

01:07:38.000 Same old, you know?

01:07:41.000 What episode is this?

01:07:44.000 It was in that.

01:07:45.000 And we played those wet t-shirt contests.

01:07:48.000 And you want me to describe? 1.00

01:07:50.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:07:51.000 Okay. 1.00

01:07:52.000 It was all bikers. 0.98

01:07:56.000 But I mean, the place held approximately, I'm going to say 400 people.

01:08:00.000 We could pack them in there.

01:08:02.000 And they served Schlitz malt liquor, the bowl, by the pole handle.

01:08:08.000 Do you follow?

01:08:09.000 They had it by the draft style.

01:08:13.000 Yep, they would have it draft style.

01:08:15.000 It was the only place that served it like that.

01:08:18.000 And they would say, okay, we're going to have wet t-shirt night tonight.

01:08:23.000 And Get everybody in there, and then they would illegally lock the doors, throw the bolts on the doors, and pull in a kiddie pool.

01:08:30.000 And with the kids' pool, where you inflate it, the big giant donuts like this, put it in front of the band.

01:08:37.000 The band's stage was about as tall as, I'm going to say...

01:08:41.000 A little bit taller than about four feet, waist high, I'll say.

01:08:45.000 And I would roll my pants up and stand in the pool and interview the girls. 0.99

01:08:54.000 And the girls would get into the pool and everybody was real woozy.

01:08:58.000 These were the days of quaaludes and disco biscuits and whatever else everybody was doing.

01:09:07.000 Nobody knew what...

01:09:08.000 Nobody knew what rehab was.

01:09:10.000 Rehab was something that Uncle Dwayne got sent to if he was up to a court and a half a day somewhere in Ohio.

01:09:16.000 Rehab.

01:09:17.000 Betty Ford.

01:09:18.000 You heard about Betty Ford.

01:09:19.000 Not even.

01:09:20.000 We're talking 1975. Wow.

01:09:22.000 No Betty Ford clinic, Ben?

01:09:24.000 Barely, if there was.

01:09:25.000 I mean, who knew?

01:09:26.000 She barely had pubes. 1.00

01:09:27.000 Yeah.

01:09:28.000 This was 1974, 5, and 6 in this area here.

01:09:37.000 Everybody thought that everything done in moderation was not a problem.

01:09:42.000 And so everybody did everything at twice the amount of moderation and figured we'd handle the problem later.

01:09:49.000 And it made for really noisy carrying on.

01:09:52.000 We would run the girls through.

01:09:53.000 How are you?

01:09:54.000 My name's Tina.

01:09:55.000 Where are you from, Tina?

01:09:56.000 I'm from the valley.

01:09:56.000 Wow, they like to party in the valley, don't they?

01:09:59.000 Hey, everybody plays.

01:10:00.000 What song would you like to hear?

01:10:01.000 Well, I like to hear Free Ride.

01:10:05.000 Holly from the Valley wants to take a free ride.

01:10:09.000 And the band would start to play the song and whatever.

01:10:14.000 And the fellas would step up from behind and they'd pull her t-shirt really tight and then dump big pitchers of ice cold water on her. 1.00

01:10:24.000 And she'd giggle and dance and carry on and slip and fall in the pool and there'd be water everywhere, etc. 0.90

01:10:32.000 And we'd run them through and there would be easily 20 girls. 1.00

01:10:37.000 It was never less than just a total line of hot babes wanting to go through. 0.98

01:10:44.000 You would think, who would want to do this?

01:10:45.000 The answer?

01:10:46.000 Everybody.

01:10:47.000 Everybody.

01:10:49.000 It was the cool thing to do.

01:10:51.000 And all the girls would go through and then there'd be a huddle over at the side of the stage and there'd be some secretive talking and some gesturing and some looking around and some further gesturing.

01:11:03.000 And then I would make the obligatory announcement that, ladies and gentlemen, the judges are a little intoxicated.

01:11:09.000 Some of the voting slips have been misplaced or mislabeled and then misplaced, as have several of the judges.

01:11:17.000 And we're going to have to have them all go through one more time!

01:11:24.000 And the band would start playing smoke on the water.

01:11:29.000 So we're going to take a break.

01:11:32.000 Don't go away, we'll chase you. 0.60

01:11:35.000 That sounds like a hell of a show.

01:11:37.000 And what kind of bars are you doing this in?

01:11:39.000 Well, this was a specific bar.

01:11:41.000 This was called The Rock Corporation.

01:11:43.000 And it was off of Van Nuys Boulevard, which is kind of right around the corner from where we're broadcasting.

01:11:48.000 Have you been there lately?

01:11:49.000 It's now just car dealerships, and they don't have that drive anymore.

01:11:53.000 It's a little more dangerous.

01:11:54.000 I'm sure.

01:11:54.000 Well, I'm sure.

01:11:56.000 This is a township where we tear out all the trees and name the street after them.

01:12:01.000 So you only did this wet t-shirt thing at this one particular location?

01:12:07.000 This was the test zone.

01:12:10.000 This is where the cops were.

01:12:12.000 This was the Lenny Bruce place.

01:12:14.000 You follow?

01:12:15.000 The cops were showing up.

01:12:17.000 They were doing undercover.

01:12:18.000 They were getting the inside view on this.

01:12:22.000 And eyewitnessing, and then the whole thing was being tested based on what happened here at that one place.

01:12:30.000 Wow.

01:12:30.000 You follow?

01:12:31.000 I think that would be a hell of a show. 0.96

01:12:33.000 Can you imagine if you were there when Van Halen first started out doing fucking wet t-shirt contests? 0.61

01:12:38.000 Can you imagine what stories you have? 0.86

01:12:40.000 Oh, it was great stuff.

01:12:43.000 Backstage is when all of our colorful habits started happening.

01:12:48.000 Man, how many times I had to hitchhike home.

01:12:52.000 Try and remember who had gotten the car.

01:12:55.000 When you see yourself and you see all these different guys that have been contemporaries, rock stars before you, but you're still living like you're a single man.

01:13:10.000 You'd pack up and go to Japan if you want.

01:13:12.000 You've never sort of reformulated yourself and brought yourself back into mainstream society.

01:13:19.000 You continued just being David Lee Roth.

01:13:24.000 Well, I live in my own little world, but leave a message.

01:13:29.000 You know, I mean, it's kind of interesting how you pulled it off.

01:13:34.000 You know, like you telling the story about moving to Japan, like how many guys...

01:13:37.000 Get to the point when they're your age that are so unsaddled down and so free that they can just pack up and go to Japan for a year.

01:13:46.000 I got lucky.

01:13:48.000 I got lucky in that respect because it is a commitment.

01:13:56.000 I talk about having read early books about Well, first I joined the Merchant Marines and I worked my way up to Alaska and then I had the accident and so I had to go to work in this bar.

01:14:14.000 And I was working in this bar when this guy comes in with a treasure map and says, does anybody speak Swahili?

01:14:21.000 He didn't know that I was half Swahili.

01:14:24.000 So that's how I wound up in Africa two weeks later.

01:14:27.000 And I just thought it would be fun to be one of those guys.

01:14:31.000 Right.

01:14:32.000 But have you always been able to do that?

01:14:36.000 You've always been like the type of guy that would just pack up and bolt or is this something you've sort of cultivated?

01:14:42.000 I think it's something you have to cultivate.

01:14:44.000 Again, that's pretty astute.

01:14:46.000 You got a pretty clear eye there, Joe, is that you can't just be impulsive.

01:14:52.000 Yeah.

01:14:53.000 Because you'll spend your whole time just getting drunk and, you know, waking up.

01:15:00.000 But you have an eye for the romantic, though.

01:15:02.000 Exactly.

01:15:03.000 You want to paint a more colorful picture.

01:15:05.000 If you're going to be sorted, let's be really sorted.

01:15:07.000 Well, I wouldn't say it's sorted at all.

01:15:09.000 I wouldn't say fascinating.

01:15:11.000 The idea of packing up and abandoning everything behind and going somewhere, that sounds very appealing to me.

01:15:18.000 I don't know if I would enjoy it the way you're enjoying it, but the way you're enjoying it sounds really interesting.

01:15:22.000 I try to not just wander.

01:15:26.000 I guess that's what I'm pointing at.

01:15:28.000 I try to make it a full experience so that it's a good story, if nothing else, at the end of the day.

01:15:36.000 You're on an adventure.

01:15:37.000 Yeah.

01:15:37.000 And one of the best things to do is hook up with a team.

01:15:40.000 Get in with a group of people who come from a bunch of different backgrounds and see where that leads you because they're going to have to eat dinner sooner or later.

01:15:50.000 Guaranteed, one of them's an alcoholic.

01:15:51.000 Don't look.

01:15:54.000 I guarantee it.

01:15:55.000 And then just reintegrate yourself into this new social circle.

01:15:59.000 There's a womanizer in there somewhere. 1.00

01:16:01.000 Don't look. 0.97

01:16:02.000 We'll know.

01:16:03.000 We'll know.

01:16:06.000 He'll be the one that we ask, where do you go from that?

01:16:09.000 And, you know, et cetera, et cetera.

01:16:11.000 And I've had great luck with that.

01:16:13.000 Does that help your songwriting, too?

01:16:15.000 Oh, you bet.

01:16:16.000 It must, right?

01:16:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:17.000 You bet.

01:16:19.000 If...

01:16:23.000 The old answer told new is somebody asked me on a show how long he was making fun of me.

01:16:30.000 How long does it really take to write a song for Van Halen?

01:16:34.000 You know, it can't take that long, really.

01:16:37.000 You know, Dave, how long does it take to write a song?

01:16:39.000 And I thought out loud and I said, you know what?

01:16:43.000 You might have a point.

01:16:45.000 Let's back into the truth here a little bit.

01:16:48.000 He said, if you watch I'm going to say 1,500 movies, legitimate movies, from beginning to end, and you discuss them.

01:16:58.000 If you have read, I'm going to say 3,000 magazines.

01:17:04.000 Let's say 3,000 magazines from cover to cover, any kind of magazines.

01:17:08.000 Good.

01:17:09.000 If you've sat in front of television, just generalized television, for another 6,000 hours...

01:17:19.000 It'll take you about 22 minutes.

01:17:26.000 Why, you got a pencil?

01:17:28.000 Where's the paper?

01:17:29.000 If you've done all that.

01:17:30.000 Shut the clock.

01:17:30.000 I can do that.

01:17:31.000 I can beat that.

01:17:32.000 I can beat that.

01:17:33.000 How funny is it saying how hard could it be to write a Van Halen song? 1.00

01:17:40.000 Like, what a silly bitch that guy is. 1.00

01:17:42.000 Because the idea that Anything just because it has a small amount of words, because it has easily rememberable beat or whatever, the idea that it wouldn't be really hard to fucking create that, 1.00

01:17:58.000 and if it wasn't really hard to create that, wouldn't there be a lot more Van Halens out there?

01:18:03.000 There are a number of sub-Van Halens out there.

01:18:06.000 There's a number of almost Van Halens out there.

01:18:10.000 What do you think was influenced by you guys the most?

01:18:12.000 Like, what band?

01:18:13.000 Oh, I can't go there.

01:18:16.000 It's nothing wrong being influenced.

01:18:19.000 I don't know.

01:18:20.000 What does Dave Mamet say that...

01:18:25.000 Imitation is the sincerest form of stealing.

01:18:27.000 Is that what he says?

01:18:29.000 That's funny.

01:18:32.000 That's funny.

01:18:33.000 Yeah.

01:18:35.000 I don't know.

01:18:36.000 I know what influenced Van Halen the most.

01:18:41.000 And that's a whole cross-section of different kinds of music and different kinds of theater and different kinds of show business, you know, starting long, long, long ago.

01:18:51.000 You can't just imitate one kind of band.

01:18:53.000 You can't just imitate one kind of music, you know, or it becomes not even professional wrestlers do that.

01:19:02.000 They update.

01:19:03.000 Look at the way Batman looks, for example, compared to 10 years ago.

01:19:07.000 He looks different.

01:19:08.000 He's updated.

01:19:09.000 You know it's Batman from across the room.

01:19:12.000 But there's got to be...

01:19:13.000 I'm updating, we'll call it.

01:19:16.000 I don't even call it improvement.

01:19:18.000 You're not going to really improve Batman.

01:19:20.000 You're just going to kind of change the silhouette a little bit. 0.98

01:19:25.000 Sort of like a lot of people feel like Led Zeppelin did with a lot of older blues music and added to their shit. 0.93

01:19:34.000 I don't know what they did to their blues music. 0.97

01:19:37.000 See, there's the great battle.

01:19:39.000 Is that plagiarism?

01:19:41.000 Well, people are saying, is it plagiarism?

01:19:43.000 But it sounds so different.

01:19:45.000 Most of what they did...

01:19:47.000 Some of it doesn't.

01:19:48.000 Some of it sounds like plagiarism.

01:19:50.000 Bill Burr.

01:19:51.000 Bill Burr said it.

01:19:52.000 Let's do it.

01:19:54.000 The Jew and him just came rocking again. 0.85

01:19:57.000 I think we have a case.

01:19:57.000 My friend Bill Burr sent me a clip.

01:20:00.000 He goes, this broke my heart.

01:20:02.000 He sends me this clip showing Led Zeppelin songs and then all these other people that the Led Zeppelin band apparently got the original music from.

01:20:11.000 Sort of just ganked it.

01:20:13.000 Took chunks of it.

01:20:15.000 Well, it's interesting when you listen to it back to back, because you'll hear, I'm going to try and think of some lyrics, you know, you'll see it says a blues song, and then all they really got from the blues song was a couple of lyrics.

01:20:31.000 I am a little red rooster, and I lay the golden egg, and that's what the little red rooster said.

01:20:39.000 And then they'll repeat that a couple of times, and they'll say, well, that's the little red rooster blues song.

01:20:44.000 He changed all the music.

01:20:46.000 He went and created something else that was very different musically.

01:20:50.000 So now you have that question of, is that the whole blues song?

01:20:53.000 Is that a tribute?

01:20:54.000 Is that a tribute?

01:20:55.000 Well, I think he owes some money.

01:20:57.000 If he used the lyrics, if he used the words, great, pay him some words money.

01:21:02.000 If he changed the music, he changed the music.

01:21:06.000 He changed left behind the music.

01:21:07.000 Well, you were there for the beginning of that debate.

01:21:09.000 You were there in music for the beginning of the sampling debate when it all started happening, when rap Artists started like MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice used that whole beginning part for Under Pressure.

01:21:22.000 So many different bands were getting sampled.

01:21:26.000 What was your thought on that when that was all going on?

01:21:29.000 I think if you're going to use it I don't even think you have to acknowledge.

01:21:36.000 Acknowledge behind the scenes, you can pay me for it.

01:21:39.000 It doesn't have to have worn right up on the sleeve that you used my material.

01:21:44.000 Because it's a lot like cooking in the kitchen.

01:21:47.000 There are only so many ingredients.

01:21:49.000 If you're going to mix...

01:21:51.000 You want to try and create something that's unfamiliar...

01:21:57.000 You understand?

01:21:58.000 So if you're going to take a sample of my voice and mix it with a sample of some other people's voices, great.

01:22:03.000 Then you're going to pay us for that.

01:22:04.000 But I don't think there's anything musically wrong with that.

01:22:08.000 Well, you just think that it's a financial issue.

01:22:10.000 They owe you a little bit of money from it, but it doesn't bother you.

01:22:13.000 It bothers me from the sense that the songwriting is suffering. 0.99

01:22:19.000 When you lit that cigarette, this motherfucker was waiting with his lighter by his cancer stick. 0.99

01:22:24.000 Waiting, like, yes, the green light from Diamond Dave! 1.00

01:22:28.000 Come on, cancer, suck it! 1.00

01:22:30.000 I am the son of Satan, though my duties now are largely ceremonial. 1.00

01:22:39.000 So back to that.

01:22:41.000 Yeah, I agree with you.

01:22:42.000 I find like mashups, you know, when they take songs, like there's 99 Voodoo Child, 99 Problems and Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child.

01:22:52.000 Sure.

01:22:52.000 It's a great mashup.

01:22:54.000 It sounds really awesome.

01:22:56.000 I think it's great if you're using older, familiar music, and I hear it in hip-hop a lot, and it's cool.

01:23:02.000 I'm hearing good stuff.

01:23:04.000 They're picking good little pieces of music.

01:23:06.000 Great!

01:23:07.000 I'm all for it, because otherwise you're going to just have to learn it on an instrument and serve it back up some way anyway.

01:23:12.000 When you have a song like MC Hammer with the...

01:23:17.000 What was it?

01:23:18.000 Super Freak?

01:23:18.000 Super Freak from Rick James where he took that?

01:23:20.000 How much does that guy have to give up?

01:23:22.000 How much does he give up?

01:23:23.000 Does he give up a flat fee?

01:23:24.000 Does he give up a percentage of his sales?

01:23:26.000 How many ways to skin the cat?

01:23:28.000 It depends.

01:23:29.000 Some people make it a flat fee and say, okay, I'll give it to you for whatever, $10.

01:23:34.000 Other people say, I want a piece of the action and you're taking a chance because who's in charge of monitoring the action?

01:23:42.000 You know, the record company is, you know, is going to remit.

01:23:45.000 You go, oh, I want a little piece of that because that's going to be a popular song.

01:23:49.000 But somewhere in between, you know, there's going to be a licensing fee.

01:23:54.000 It usually comes in terms of just, you know, you got a one check for doing the thing.

01:24:00.000 So...

01:24:01.000 It's a great way for having older music reinterpreted.

01:24:06.000 I'm all for that.

01:24:07.000 Van Halen music's been reinterpreted 35 different ways, and I'm all for that.

01:24:13.000 I dig all the floor mixes, too.

01:24:15.000 I've heard all kinds of dance remixes and stuff as well.

01:24:19.000 So, you know, new audiences, new shoes, new cowboy hats.

01:24:23.000 Yeah, nothing wrong with that, right?

01:24:24.000 Oh, no.

01:24:26.000 Van Halen's kind of the spiritual guidance, too.

01:24:29.000 Van Halen goes beyond just the musical.

01:24:32.000 We're the patron saints of everything that allegedly happens after midnight.

01:24:36.000 You know that.

01:24:36.000 Yeah.

01:24:37.000 Allegedly.

01:24:38.000 That's...

01:24:41.000 That's the whole projection, right?

01:24:44.000 You were also around to see the music business radically change.

01:24:49.000 Because of the internet. 0.96

01:24:51.000 That had to be quite a bit of a mindfuck.

01:24:53.000 Because when you guys started, they were selling cassettes. 0.59

01:24:56.000 I mean, you guys were albums, were vinyl albums and cassettes, and the vinyl albums were badass because you had all the artwork.

01:25:03.000 And then that shrunk to CDs, and then the CDs went away.

01:25:07.000 And can we say how awesome 1984 was on CD and stereo blasting as loud, that beginning sound, like...

01:25:15.000 That was amazing.

01:25:16.000 That was one of my first CDs. 0.95

01:25:18.000 What was it like to see this music business really fucking change? 0.92

01:25:25.000 Radically, where you can't really sell records anymore. 0.93

01:25:27.000 I mean, you sell a few off of iTunes, but the numbers, the percentage drop is just staggering.

01:25:33.000 And I think what we're also seeing more than...

01:25:38.000 Just in terms of numbers, Joe, is that we're seeing how high people are reaching for quality.

01:25:44.000 Because if it's result-oriented, we always say, well, we're just here for the music, we're just here for the labor of love, etc.

01:25:52.000 But there is...

01:25:54.000 A reality behind the scenes that if there's that multi-million dollar ability to sell 20 million records like Saturday Night Fever or one of those Fleetwood Mac records or one of those Eagles records, you know, one of those huge multi-billion selling.

01:26:11.000 Jesus, I just wrote Dark Side of the Moon.

01:26:16.000 I think I'm going to buy Kahlua with some of the profits and really go on vacation.

01:26:25.000 Forever.

01:26:26.000 Yeah.

01:26:27.000 One of those kinds of fortunes, you know.

01:26:30.000 Hey guys, I just wrote a song called Stairway to Heaven.

01:26:35.000 Not anymore, right?

01:26:36.000 You know, we're going to have to put in a year and a half, two years of our time.

01:26:41.000 Doing this, you know, that's what happens.

01:26:43.000 You want to do The Wall, you want to do Tommy, you want to do, you know, one of those kinds of records, then it's like a three-year commitment.

01:26:52.000 From the time you go, hey, you want to write some songs?

01:26:55.000 To the time you're standing around uncomfortably in a suit and tie, collecting, well, I wouldn't be up here for the ninth time tonight with one of these little statues if it wasn't for a lot of other people.

01:27:06.000 That space of time is about three years, and it means commit yourself like a blue uniform type of commitment.

01:27:15.000 Like ruin your family life more often than not.

01:27:19.000 Like you're a soldier for that song.

01:27:21.000 Completely.

01:27:22.000 You become a soldier in that band.

01:27:24.000 I'm sure Springsteen's Acolytes would tell you that, you know, and all those early, you know, Born to Run and Jungle Land and all those epic things are not born of, you know, well, yeah, we marched up to the gate and we stormed the gate and won.

01:27:38.000 No, no, no.

01:27:39.000 We had to slog our way for months.

01:27:44.000 Then we camped for months.

01:27:48.000 Then we decided, wrong month.

01:27:51.000 So that kind of a thing.

01:27:53.000 And families take a beating.

01:27:57.000 So why would you do it?

01:27:59.000 Well, first, of course, the nobility of song.

01:28:02.000 And second, of course, because you have an opportunity to win the Super Trisacta Trifecta, whatever it is, raised times, you know, a $400 million lotto that will generate forever if you create a bridge over troubled water.

01:28:22.000 But if you're going to be in that studio, it's like going in windows to a submarine.

01:28:26.000 You may well be there really in mind, if not body, for three full years.

01:28:31.000 And that's before the tour.

01:28:33.000 And when that all sort of stopped, what was the feeling like in the music business when it's like all of a sudden...

01:28:41.000 Electronic downloads are completely taking over.

01:28:45.000 Companies are getting stripped by illegal downloads, just stripped.

01:28:49.000 Albums are out instantaneously on BitTorrent the moment they're released, and more downloads in terms of how many people are downloading it to how many people are buying it.

01:29:01.000 Far more, far more downloads, right?

01:29:04.000 Well, you're bringing up interesting thoughts and you're causing me to have interesting feelings, ambivalent feelings about all of this.

01:29:12.000 Because I feel like you've now broken into the bottom of the boat where they're keeping me.

01:29:23.000 And you've torn open the door and you have a sword in your hand.

01:29:31.000 Come Roth, let us fight for freedom!

01:29:35.000 Because they discovered I was a traitor some time ago.

01:29:43.000 I'm coming also from a time, it's a little bit of, not Prisoner of Zenda, but whatever that other one is, where he's on the island.

01:29:55.000 Coming from a time when...

01:29:58.000 Count of Monte Cristo.

01:29:59.000 Coming from a time when musicians were either loved or not so loved.

01:30:05.000 Van Halen was not so loved.

01:30:07.000 So today...

01:30:08.000 By the record companies.

01:30:10.000 What?

01:30:10.000 Yep.

01:30:11.000 And today, if you buy a $10 Van Halen record, I'll make six cents royalty.

01:30:17.000 Oh my god.

01:30:18.000 Yes, the producer makes more of those first two records than I do.

01:30:22.000 And actually, let me be fair.

01:30:25.000 The subsequent four Van Halen records, I do make $0.08 royalty.

01:30:30.000 Wow.

01:30:31.000 Out of a $10 record album there.

01:30:33.000 So, when you're telling me the boat is sinking... 1.00

01:30:36.000 So you're like, go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:30:40.000 You've killed most of my staff. 1.00

01:30:44.000 Really? 0.78

01:30:45.000 You're like, I'll be fine.

01:30:46.000 Including the big guy with the wristwatch?

01:30:50.000 The big guy with the wristwatch. 0.72

01:30:54.000 You killed him, right? 0.98

01:30:55.000 Okay, okay. 0.93

01:30:56.000 I'm prepared to talk.

01:30:57.000 Was it a dark business?

01:30:59.000 Was it a dark business?

01:31:00.000 Of course it was dark business.

01:31:01.000 Are you kidding?

01:31:02.000 It was as noisy and corrupt as you would ever want it to be.

01:31:05.000 But walking into negotiations for anybody, I don't know that it's any easier today Than it ever would be for somebody new.

01:31:15.000 Come on! 0.61

01:31:15.000 I write poems for a living and I sing and dance the poems. 0.61

01:31:18.000 It's that simple.

01:31:19.000 But you will spend your whole time trying to perfect that craft if you're going to live off of it.

01:31:25.000 To try and speak the language of, okay, now I speak market-bearing bonds that equal to prime lending rate.

01:31:39.000 No, it's all carefully Hidden away from you anyways.

01:31:43.000 Just the idea that you're going to want to sign your own checks is alien to most people in this business.

01:31:50.000 So we had to learn the hard way.

01:31:53.000 And when we talk about how the record business has changed, I do miss the epic efforts.

01:31:58.000 People used to make a Herculean effort when you go into the studio to really make a contribution, to really take the music past where you found it, and to really make a million bucks.

01:32:09.000 That's a powerful energy drink, man.

01:32:16.000 Nicotine-fueled.

01:32:17.000 Ambition and greed times musical whatever.

01:32:23.000 Wow.

01:32:24.000 Do you think that it'll balance out eventually where the bands will now be able to get free promotion on the internet and then they'll reap most of the profits that come from touring?

01:32:35.000 And do you think that eventually that kind of balances out and that what gets distributed on the internet, even though you're not getting profit from it like CDs, with new bands, it'll be able to change the atmosphere and they'll be able to get promotion Where they would never be able to get to promotion before just through viral marketing,

01:32:53.000 just through viral, just friends spreading things that they enjoy.

01:32:56.000 I'm a perfect example of it.

01:32:58.000 I couldn't get a job today in regular terrestrial radio if my life depended on it.

01:33:05.000 I'm difficult to work with.

01:33:08.000 I can't imagine that you'd be difficult to work with.

01:33:11.000 How are you difficult to work with?

01:33:13.000 Anyway, we're back.

01:33:15.000 How are you difficult to work with?

01:33:18.000 Well, you're self-describing yourself as difficult.

01:33:20.000 How would you be difficult to work with?

01:33:21.000 This is how I've been labeled.

01:33:23.000 Okay.

01:33:23.000 And getting in and out of regular radio is because I don't fit in, because I had a black sidekick, because I play ethnic music loops.

01:33:31.000 I play the opening from Superfly over and over again.

01:33:34.000 Yeah, but Howard Stern has had Robin Quivers forever.

01:33:38.000 It's different.

01:33:40.000 You having a black sidekick was criticized?

01:33:42.000 Oh yeah, that was a big issue.

01:33:44.000 What?

01:33:44.000 Who was your sidekick?

01:33:45.000 His name was Animal.

01:33:46.000 He was one of my...

01:33:47.000 He'd done security for Dre and Snoop and all kinds of good characters.

01:33:54.000 He's from Montgomery, Alabama.

01:33:56.000 And we discussed all kinds of pertinent data.

01:34:00.000 There was no stone unturned.

01:34:01.000 We discussed every subject in the news today.

01:34:04.000 You love talking so much.

01:34:05.000 This seems like a perfect thing for you.

01:34:08.000 Well, what they wanted was, hey, Bud's name for the top of the hour.

01:34:11.000 I'm here for the live.

01:34:12.000 Hey, Tina, what's going on out there? 0.98

01:34:13.000 Well, they're getting sucked.

01:34:15.000 If I was a smart executive, and I know that's an oxymoron, if I was military intelligence, what I would do is I would say, Dave, what do you want to do? 0.96

01:34:25.000 Let me get you a microphone and ready, go. 0.99

01:34:27.000 We're going to have to throw some commercials in every now and then.

01:34:29.000 Is that okay?

01:34:30.000 Okay.

01:34:31.000 Other than that, it's on you.

01:34:33.000 Just completely leave it up to you.

01:34:35.000 But if someone tries to change your personality and try to...

01:34:49.000 Yeah, I think they were feeling imperious.

01:34:57.000 We had Tony Sopranowicz, who...

01:35:00.000 Is that what it was?

01:35:01.000 They just wanted to get you to listen?

01:35:03.000 Yeah.

01:35:03.000 And Corolla was part of this as well.

01:35:06.000 He was one of the other faces that had been hired.

01:35:09.000 And we were all put under the thumb pretty readily.

01:35:12.000 It happened quick.

01:35:15.000 I don't think anybody survived it, which is telling, out of some 14 different faces and personalities across the country.

01:35:22.000 It was so over-managed.

01:35:24.000 I mean, Carolla obviously has shown that all he has to do is just be himself.

01:35:29.000 Now that he's running his own show, it's much more successful than his radio show ever was.

01:35:34.000 Hello.

01:35:34.000 Yeah, it's boom.

01:35:35.000 It's like, let him be him.

01:35:37.000 So now you're doing exactly the same thing.

01:35:38.000 Let you be you.

01:35:40.000 I'm doing the Roth Show, and it's all the same stuff.

01:35:43.000 It's, you know, ethnic music, off-coming, left-of-center humor. 0.99

01:35:47.000 And I don't know a whole lot of guests, so it's kind of a monologue, kind of a Mark Twain.

01:35:56.000 Listen, Bill Burr, again, my friend Bill, he calls it the Monday Morning Podcast.

01:36:02.000 He's a stand-up comedian. 1.00

01:36:03.000 He just basically rants about shit. 1.00

01:36:04.000 He'd just pick up the newspaper and it's fucking great. 1.00

01:36:08.000 It's great. 1.00

01:36:08.000 It's an hour of just him talking shit, almost no guests. 1.00

01:36:12.000 You could do that easily. 0.99

01:36:13.000 Well, it also, we're getting to a level now where talking becomes an art form.

01:36:19.000 And art is something as simple as, it wasn't created before, but now that it exists, it forces you to think, forces you to argue, forces you to have some kind of action and re-action kind of thinking.

01:36:33.000 And a lot of folks, when they get to talking on the radio, are afraid of being criticized.

01:36:39.000 You're afraid of losing a constituency, you know, especially when you have morning team radio and you're doing traditional radio.

01:36:46.000 You know, you don't want to say anything that's going to cause people to argue.

01:36:50.000 And I think that's the first thing that you want to reach for if you're going to make any kind of contribution.

01:36:55.000 If you say, what is art?

01:36:57.000 Something that forces them to think.

01:36:59.000 Like, what do you mean?

01:37:00.000 Like that soup can.

01:37:01.000 Yeah.

01:37:04.000 Like that Andy Warhol soup can from a bazillion years ago.

01:37:07.000 Is that art?

01:37:08.000 Or is that BS? Is that a sales job?

01:37:11.000 Or is that...

01:37:12.000 We're going to be here a while.

01:37:13.000 Get some more of that coffee.

01:37:18.000 And that's when it becomes art.

01:37:20.000 And what we're doing here, every now and then, we hit a moment where the people are listening and people get hooked.

01:37:28.000 And can I even hear that?

01:37:30.000 Am I supposed to hear that?

01:37:33.000 Think about that.

01:37:34.000 And I think that's a whole new art form happening out there now.

01:37:39.000 Yeah, I think one of the interesting things about letting a person be themselves on a television show or on a... 1.00

01:37:45.000 You're going to spark up again, you fuck. 1.00

01:37:47.000 Look at them. 1.00

01:37:47.000 You get in the green light. 1.00

01:37:50.000 It's seeing someone be able to be themselves for the first time, be able to express themselves with no one's direction, with no one telling you what to say or what to do.

01:38:03.000 That's a rare moment.

01:38:04.000 You don't get that on The Tonight Show.

01:38:06.000 When you talk to David Letterman, I get to see David Lee Roth in these five to seven minute bursts where this It's so hard to get to know you, like, for real, legit.

01:38:16.000 They're going to get to know you, though, if they listen to your radio show.

01:38:19.000 If they listen to the Roth show and they listen to that over and over again for several months, they'll know the real you.

01:38:25.000 It's pretty sprawling so far.

01:38:27.000 We've covered a variety of subjects.

01:38:29.000 I like campfire telling.

01:38:31.000 You know, just enough, like, I can share some things probably you didn't know, like, why disc jockeys on FM radio speak like heroin addicts?

01:38:41.000 They don't do that anymore.

01:38:43.000 They gave up.

01:38:43.000 That guy doesn't exist anymore.

01:38:45.000 Remember those guys?

01:38:46.000 Yes.

01:38:47.000 You know, that was the alternative to hopping and popping and bobbing with the best bet for the boss beat at the top of the pop smash.

01:38:54.000 Gold!

01:38:55.000 You know.

01:38:55.000 Timeless top 40 boss jock hit bound.

01:39:00.000 Yeah, and then there was the strip club DJ type character.

01:39:03.000 Alright, we got Nickelback coming up next. 0.79

01:39:08.000 To the stage, candy, candy.

01:39:10.000 $14 kamikazes.

01:39:13.000 Try to get as many syllables out of it.

01:39:16.000 Lexus to the main stage.

01:39:20.000 Yeah, there's a bunch of those voices that they just use, like the sportscaster voice or the small town news guy voice.

01:39:31.000 Can you do the sportscaster voice?

01:39:34.000 The sportscaster voice would be like that, like something from The Simpsons.

01:39:40.000 Mike Tyson enters the ring, 16-0, 206 pounds, 6'3".

01:39:46.000 I've always wondered what it would be like to announce a fight.

01:39:50.000 Does that come by easily for you?

01:39:52.000 It's easy now, yeah, because I've been doing it for so long, it's second nature.

01:39:56.000 But in the beginning, it was a little odd.

01:39:58.000 It was strange.

01:39:59.000 You have to know when to talk, when not to talk, when you're talking too much.

01:40:04.000 And you've got to be really focused on what's happening.

01:40:08.000 How did you learn those things?

01:40:09.000 Did you go back and look at tapes of your call and listen and get critiqued?

01:40:14.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:40:14.000 Yeah, I try to be observant while I'm doing it, but definitely had to go back and listen in the early days, and I'd listen to myself like, oh, I need to shut the fuck up. 0.98

01:40:22.000 Like, I'm talking too much, you know?

01:40:24.000 Or I was talking too much about one fighter and not enough about another, or I was missing something, or, you know, you can get on tangents sometimes, you can get stuck.

01:40:32.000 It really is, like, sort of a skill.

01:40:34.000 You learn how to do it as time goes on.

01:40:36.000 I'll bet it is.

01:40:37.000 And are you watching on the TV screen mostly?

01:40:40.000 Depends.

01:40:41.000 Depends on what the angle is.

01:40:43.000 I prefer to see it live, like right in front of me.

01:40:46.000 But sometimes, especially in ground battles, like when they're fighting on the ground, I have to see an overhead.

01:40:51.000 I don't know where the guy's arm is.

01:40:54.000 I don't know if he's in jeopardy or if he's defending correctly.

01:40:57.000 I could say what he's doing wrong or what he's doing right.

01:41:00.000 I need to see it on the camera sometimes.

01:41:02.000 Or if the guy's backs are to us.

01:41:04.000 If their backs are to us, I can't see what's happening in front of him.

01:41:07.000 I can't see where he's hitting them, so I'll look down at a monitor sometimes.

01:41:10.000 It all depends.

01:41:11.000 How many fights have you called?

01:41:14.000 More than a thousand.

01:41:16.000 Definitely more than a thousand.

01:41:19.000 I started doing post-fight interviews in 1997 for the UFC, but I started doing the commentary in 2002. So from 2002, 11 years so far.

01:41:32.000 That's amazing.

01:41:33.000 And what one fight really sticks out in your mind?

01:41:35.000 What one night really sticks out in your mind?

01:41:38.000 There's no one that really sticks out because so many of them have been insane. 0.95

01:41:43.000 The UFC is so fucking exciting. 0.83

01:41:45.000 There's so many exciting fights. 0.96

01:41:47.000 There's not one that really sticks out.

01:41:50.000 There's so many of them.

01:41:52.000 It's so many highs, so many tens.

01:41:55.000 What makes a ten?

01:41:56.000 What makes a ten evening?

01:41:57.000 Like when you walk out at the end of the night and you go, wow, that just all gelled.

01:42:02.000 What are the three main ingredients, for example? 0.98

01:42:05.000 The holy shit moments. 0.99

01:42:07.000 The holy shit moments. 0.99

01:42:08.000 Like when Anderson Silva front kicked Vitor Belfort in the face and knocked him unconscious. 1.00

01:42:12.000 You were just like, holy shit. 0.95

01:42:14.000 No one had ever landed a front kick to the face ever in a mixed martial arts fight. 0.99

01:42:18.000 You never saw that.

01:42:19.000 I spent a lot of my childhood trying.

01:42:23.000 It's a staple technique of karate, of taekwondo, of a lot of martial arts incorporate the front kick.

01:42:31.000 It's a very basic kick.

01:42:34.000 Before then, we never saw anybody knock a guy out in the UFC with a front kick to the face.

01:42:40.000 It never happened.

01:42:41.000 There's only been one wheel kick knockout before the Ultimate Fighter.

01:42:45.000 Now there's two.

01:42:46.000 But before then, there'd only been one.

01:42:48.000 Edson Barbosa knocked out Terry Edom with a wheel kick to the face.

01:42:51.000 That had never happened in the UFC before.

01:42:53.000 But the one that landed was unbelievable.

01:42:56.000 Knocked him unconscious.

01:42:57.000 He fell down like he got shot with a sniper rifle. 0.86

01:42:59.000 It was craziness.

01:43:01.000 It was so devastating that now people are throwing wheel kicks left and right.

01:43:05.000 Everybody's trying to land them because they realize how deadly they are once they land.

01:43:09.000 So now everybody, people pick up the ball and they're going to start to imitate.

01:43:13.000 Exactly.

01:43:13.000 And you'll start to see the copycat killers in the ring, huh?

01:43:17.000 Yeah.

01:43:17.000 Well, you start to see success with these unorthodox techniques that are really not unorthodox techniques.

01:43:23.000 They're just traditional mixed martial arts techniques that people hadn't incorporated into the octagon yet.

01:43:30.000 What most of the stuff that got by in the early morphing of mixed martial arts was wrestling and the ability to punch on the feet.

01:43:41.000 But then Maurice Smith came around and started showing people high level kickboxing and he started leg kicking guys and knocking guys out.

01:43:48.000 So then they started incorporating kicks but Maurice was a Muay Thai guy.

01:43:51.000 So everybody was throwing these roundhouse kicks, and that's basically it.

01:43:55.000 Then Anderson sort of evolved things even further, and a lot of other fighters did as well.

01:43:59.000 And now you're starting to see, like with Lyoto Machida and a lot of these other karate stylists, you're starting to see all sorts of different karate techniques inside the octagon as well.

01:44:08.000 Because these guys know all the other stuff, like wrestling, they know how to stand up with wrestling, they know how to get back up to their feet, and they know how to avoid takedowns.

01:44:17.000 So now you're seeing all these other traditional mixed martial arts techniques, or traditional martial arts techniques, rather, that we didn't see for 10 plus years.

01:44:26.000 And are these familiar techniques that are we going to continue seeing them?

01:44:31.000 Or are they particular to one guy?

01:44:33.000 Well, there's a few that we haven't seen yet.

01:44:35.000 One of them is the axe kick.

01:44:36.000 Guys have tried it, but no one's ever knocked anybody out.

01:44:39.000 In kickboxing and in Taekwondo tournaments, there's a lot of knockouts with axe kicks.

01:44:43.000 I've never seen one in the UFC. An axe kick with a guy with your kind of flexibility, when you used to throw those wild kicks, when you would basically do a split standing up and throw a kick right over your head, you know the axe kick is you throw the leg up like that and you come down with the heel.

01:44:57.000 It's a devastating technique if you're flexible enough and you're fast enough.

01:45:01.000 It's like getting hit in the head with a giant bone hammer, you know?

01:45:04.000 I mean, it's really a brutal technique, but we haven't seen it in the octagon yet.

01:45:08.000 How come we haven't seen it in the octagon?

01:45:10.000 For the same reason why Anderson Silva's front kick to Vitor Belfort's face was the first time we ever saw it.

01:45:15.000 We just need to see someone pull it off.

01:45:17.000 If one person pulled it off, one guy who really knows how to do it and has confidence in it, we'll see it left and right.

01:45:22.000 It's sort of like the four-minute mile.

01:45:24.000 Once it's broken, then other people will break it.

01:45:28.000 What about the biggest, biggest guys?

01:45:30.000 Who are the two biggest guys now that are fighting in there?

01:45:34.000 Well, that's the funny thing about heavyweights.

01:45:36.000 It doesn't seem that the biggest guys are the most effective.

01:45:39.000 In heavyweights, once you get up to 265 pounds, that's the heavyweight limit, the most effective guys seem to be about 240. Like Cain Velasquez, Junior Dos Santos, those guys are around 240. When you get bigger than that, you just move a little too slow and you don't make up in horsepower what you lose with having too much muscle mass,

01:46:03.000 having your body have to pump Blood through too much body mass, too many cells to feed with oxygen.

01:46:10.000 It seems like there's a point of diminishing returns.

01:46:12.000 And they move slower, it's not as much fun to watch the fight?

01:46:15.000 Yeah.

01:46:15.000 Well, they move slower, they're easier to hit as well.

01:46:17.000 They're easier to hit, and they can't keep up the pace.

01:46:20.000 Like, a 155-pound fighter, like you see a lightweight in the UFC, they can blitz for five five-minute rounds.

01:46:28.000 Like, Benson Henderson, the lightweight champ, that dude can go full clip for five five-minute rounds.

01:46:32.000 He's got that cardio.

01:46:34.000 No heavyweight does.

01:46:35.000 They just don't.

01:46:35.000 They just don't have it.

01:46:36.000 Even Cain Velasquez, who's the most conditioned heavyweight, he'll get more tired in a five-round fight, like when he just won the title back against Junior Dos Santos.

01:46:44.000 He's known for his cardio, but he got noticeably tired in that fight.

01:46:48.000 Even though he dominated and won his title back, he got way more tired than you would ever see like Benson Henderson get.

01:46:55.000 And it's just a matter of physics.

01:46:56.000 It's just a matter of you have to pump oxygen and blood through You're dealing with 90 more pounds of tissue than Benson has to deal with.

01:47:05.000 Endurance is probably how much percentage of the winning combination?

01:47:09.000 It's enormous.

01:47:10.000 For every fight that gets out of the first round, it becomes a bigger and bigger part of the equation.

01:47:19.000 You don't see any fighters That are successful in the top 10 under 265 pounds that have stamina issues.

01:47:26.000 They never make it.

01:47:27.000 You just can't make it.

01:47:28.000 You can't make it at 170 with stamina issues.

01:47:31.000 You know, George St. Pierre is a cardio machine.

01:47:34.000 155, Benson Henderson is a cardio machine.

01:47:37.000 185, Anderson Silva never gets tired.

01:47:39.000 Anderson Silva got throttled by Chael Sonnen for four and a half rounds and still pulled off a triangle off of his back in the fifth round.

01:47:47.000 I mean, you're talking about a guy with supreme conditioning.

01:47:50.000 And those are the only guys that survive in this day.

01:47:53.000 The field is far too competitive.

01:47:56.000 There's no way to make it unless you have all the bases covered.

01:48:00.000 You'll get a certain distance with just power if you're like a really explosive guy who can just blitz guys and run after them and crack them.

01:48:09.000 You'll get a certain distance.

01:48:10.000 But you'll never beat the very best guys.

01:48:12.000 Because the very best guys will know.

01:48:14.000 All they have to do is run you.

01:48:15.000 They'll sprint you for the first 45 minutes.

01:48:18.000 Or 45 seconds, rather.

01:48:20.000 And if you don't catch them with a shot, then your gas tank's already empty.

01:48:24.000 I remember when this was all just starting off and it was all very iffy as to where it could be shown.

01:48:30.000 Yeah.

01:48:30.000 And what cities would allow it to happen.

01:48:32.000 And now what?

01:48:33.000 We've got two women who are fighting? 1.00

01:48:35.000 Yeah.

01:48:35.000 And how did this just go?

01:48:37.000 It was great.

01:48:38.000 It was a great fight, too. 1.00

01:48:39.000 It wasn't like she went in there and kicked the girl's ass. 1.00

01:48:42.000 The girl almost got her. 1.00

01:48:43.000 Liz Karmouche was the opponent, and Liz Karmouche took her back. 1.00

01:48:48.000 She's a Marine and a lesbian. 1.00

01:48:50.000 She's a badass bitch. 1.00

01:48:53.000 She wasn't there to lose. 1.00

01:48:54.000 She was there to win.

01:48:54.000 She took Ronda Rousey's back and had her in a standing rear naked choke.

01:48:58.000 It was bad.

01:48:59.000 Her face was twisted.

01:49:00.000 Rhonda's face was bright purple. 1.00

01:49:02.000 A female marine lesbian with a standing rear naked choke. 1.00

01:49:06.000 I have that video. 1.00

01:49:10.000 You can't travel with that one.

01:49:12.000 If you go overseas, they arrest you.

01:49:15.000 It sounds great, frankly.

01:49:17.000 It was a wild fight.

01:49:18.000 And how long did the fight go on?

01:49:19.000 First round.

01:49:20.000 And Rhonda got out of the rear naked choke, got her to the ground, and got her in an arm bar. 1.00

01:49:24.000 So she's won seven fights, seven first round arm bars. 0.99

01:49:27.000 She's a badass bitch too. 1.00

01:49:28.000 It was a great fight. 1.00

01:49:29.000 It was incredible.

01:49:30.000 It was beautiful to watch.

01:49:32.000 Where did they have this show?

01:49:34.000 Anaheim.

01:49:34.000 This was in Anaheim.

01:49:35.000 And was it pretty well attended?

01:49:37.000 Oh yeah.

01:49:37.000 It was sold out.

01:49:38.000 It was craziness.

01:49:40.000 Excellent.

01:49:40.000 What's this say about the economy?

01:49:44.000 That the economy has fallen apart but that this is thriving.

01:49:48.000 This is an element of sports and showbiz that is just thriving.

01:49:52.000 Even if the economy is in the toilet, which it most certainly is, there's so many people.

01:49:56.000 I mean, we're dealing with 20 million people.

01:49:58.000 Only 15,000 can go to this thing.

01:50:01.000 You know, even in a downed economy, you're going to find 15,000 people who can scrape together the cash for such an epic event.

01:50:07.000 Especially women who are, like, really into the UFC, and now, all of a sudden, they have someone who's, like, a role model for them.

01:50:14.000 Like, you know how many girls are going to start doing martial arts now because of Ronda Rousey and Liz Karmouche? 1.00

01:50:19.000 I'm sure of it. 1.00

01:50:20.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:50:21.000 I'm sure of it. 1.00

01:50:21.000 It's going to be amazing. 1.00

01:50:22.000 You'll start seeing the placards in the storefront windows.

01:50:25.000 Yeah.

01:50:26.000 Starting now, women's classes, women's only classes. 0.99

01:50:30.000 Yeah, no doubt about it.

01:50:32.000 There's going to be a lot more of that.

01:50:33.000 And now that they realize also you can make a legit living, like Ronda Rousey, if she's not rich already from that fight, which I'm pretty sure she is, and I don't know how much she makes off of pay-per-view and all that jazz, but I'm sure She probably has more money than her wildest dreams right now. 0.98

01:50:48.000 And that's the beginning.

01:50:49.000 That girl is a superstar in athletics now. 1.00

01:50:52.000 She's doing every possible talk show.

01:50:55.000 She's doing every possible magazine interview. 0.99

01:50:59.000 Five years from now, she'll be able to retire and buy herself a fucking country somewhere and have a bunch of little brown dudes wash her feet. 1.00

01:51:07.000 Just be able to do whatever she wants. 0.99

01:51:10.000 She can't do any wrong, you know? 0.99

01:51:12.000 She's a beast. 1.00

01:51:13.000 Are these gals tested for steroids and whatnot? 1.00

01:51:17.000 How far has that come reaching in a Lance Armstrong kind of world?

01:51:22.000 That's a very good point.

01:51:23.000 Her main threat out there is a chick that calls herself Cyborg. 1.00

01:51:27.000 And she got popped for steroids. 1.00

01:51:29.000 And she looks like a man.

01:51:31.000 She's built, like, pull up a picture of Cyborg so you can see a picture of her. 1.00

01:51:35.000 Chris Cyborg.

01:51:36.000 She also says that she can't drop down to 135 pounds, which is where Ronda's the champ. 1.00

01:51:41.000 She wants Ronda to come up and fight her at 145. Because she weighs even more than that. 1.00

01:51:46.000 She cuts weight to get down there. 1.00

01:51:47.000 And a lot of people speculate that she just wants to stay on the juice and stay as thick and meaty as possible. 0.98

01:51:53.000 Look at the size of this beast.

01:51:56.000 And she's a cyborg. 0.98

01:51:59.000 There's a picture of her inside the cage that's even scarier. 0.95

01:52:03.000 There's a picture of her beating up a chick and she's just swole, like a dude. 1.00

01:52:08.000 And she's very skilled as well.

01:52:10.000 It's not just that she's, you know, really physically strong.

01:52:14.000 She's also, I think she won the world championships as a brown belt in jujitsu.

01:52:19.000 She's a devastating stand-up fighter. 0.68

01:52:22.000 Really good kickboxing skill.

01:52:24.000 But are the athletes tested for steroids?

01:52:28.000 Yeah, she didn't pass.

01:52:29.000 She got an F. She looks like a dude and she got an F. I don't know how... 0.97

01:52:39.000 Politically incorrect or correct, I can be here, but that's kind of how I like it.

01:52:43.000 Yeah.

01:52:43.000 Do you like a little chaos in the mix?

01:52:46.000 Yeah, there's some dirt under the fingernails happening.

01:52:49.000 Look at her there. 0.98

01:52:51.000 That is some masculine characteristics.

01:52:54.000 That's somebody who's been doing heavy lifting. 1.00

01:52:56.000 Yeah, with a dick growing in their... 0.99

01:52:59.000 I have a good friend who's also a doctor and he specializes in hormones and hormone therapy and the reactions that people have to certain hormones. 1.00

01:53:13.000 And he got on our show and said, there is not a way in the world that a woman gets built like that unless she's taking male hormones. 1.00

01:53:21.000 It just doesn't happen.

01:53:22.000 Yeah, it's got to be.

01:53:24.000 It would have to be.

01:53:25.000 You're talking about like ridiculously thick musculature in strange places like the traps and the neck and the shoulders and the arms.

01:53:33.000 Like you're talking about literally man-sized athlete, a good strong male athlete's body.

01:53:40.000 Well, this brings up another question then, and this goes into normal boxing.

01:53:43.000 Do they test for steroids, etc., in traditional boxing?

01:53:48.000 Oh, yes, they do.

01:53:49.000 Yeah, people have been caught.

01:53:50.000 Absolutely.

01:53:51.000 Because somebody was just talking about it on the air recently, that if athletes are buffing up all the more...

01:53:59.000 And still throwing punches at each other's heads, then the injuries and the damage is going to be considerably more.

01:54:05.000 Just because everybody's stronger.

01:54:08.000 Everybody's got more wallop, yeah?

01:54:10.000 Yeah, that is the big debate.

01:54:12.000 Also, the ability to keep punching and not get tired.

01:54:15.000 There's other things that are just as dangerous as steroids, like EPO. EPO is what Lance Armstrong was using, what all those cyclists use.

01:54:22.000 And what it does is it gives your body an extraordinary amount of red blood cells, allows you to carry oxygen, In a really unnatural manner.

01:54:29.000 And what these guys are doing is, if they're taking EPO and they're fighting someone, they put a pace on a guy.

01:54:36.000 Like, they can go.

01:54:37.000 They have way more endurance than is, like, normally physically possible.

01:54:41.000 And they'll put a pace on a guy and then wind up beating the shit out of the guy because the guy can't keep up with their pace.

01:54:47.000 Well, is it because they've trained harder or is it because they're on EPO? Well, it could be both, but the EPO most certainly is a dangerous aspect of fighting.

01:54:56.000 What is EPO exactly?

01:54:57.000 I don't know.

01:54:58.000 Let me pull up what it stands for.

01:55:01.000 But what it is is, and I have a friend who has used this stuff because he was a former professional cycler.

01:55:09.000 And he said that when he was on a big cycling team, he said they were on the bus, they were on tour, you would hear guys get up in the middle of the night and grab their bike and hear them pull their bike off the bus and go for a ride.

01:55:22.000 They had to because the blood...

01:55:24.000 Was pooling up in their body.

01:55:26.000 Their body is producing so much red blood cells, you literally have to go out and burn some of it off.

01:55:30.000 He said it was pretty crazy and dangerous stuff.

01:55:33.000 It's called erythropoietin.

01:55:40.000 I'll spell it.

01:55:42.000 E-R-Y-T-H-R-O-P-O-I-E-T-I-N. Erythropoietin.

01:55:51.000 Irregardless.

01:55:52.000 So what do they do?

01:55:53.000 This is something you just take as an injectable and then it creates red blood cells.

01:56:04.000 Earthopoiesis or red blood cell production.

01:56:07.000 It's a cytokine protein signaling molecule.

01:56:14.000 The precursors and the bone marrow and human EPO is a molecular weight of 34,000.

01:56:19.000 But is this legal for any sport at all?

01:56:22.000 No, it is not.

01:56:23.000 But it wasn't, as far as really recently, tested for in fighting in the UFC. They weren't testing it for the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

01:56:32.000 They weren't testing it for boxers.

01:56:34.000 But then some boxer, I believe it was Sugar Shane Mosley, got caught for it.

01:56:41.000 He got caught for something else.

01:56:43.000 A stellar crew.

01:56:44.000 Well, you know, look, these guys, their health is on the line when they're fighting.

01:56:49.000 I mean, you've got to think, if you have a little more endurance, if you have a little more strength, it could keep you from getting knocked out.

01:56:55.000 It could keep you from getting beaten.

01:56:57.000 It could certainly make your odds of success much higher.

01:57:01.000 And so a lot of guys, I think, even though it is cheating, they look at it pragmatically, and then they look at the fact that, look, Most of these guys are taking things, including Floyd Mayweather, who always is going off about people being on drugs and all these different things.

01:57:15.000 It turns out he had accidentally ingested some performance-enhancing substance and made some sort of a deal to keep all that quiet.

01:57:24.000 He accidentally ingested that.

01:57:26.000 Yeah, I'll tell you exactly if you want to know.

01:57:28.000 In a cold medicine, clearly.

01:57:31.000 Well, there's accidental consumption through supplements that you buy, like GNC. Sure.

01:57:40.000 A lot of times they actually have supplements that you're buying that actually have steroids in them. 0.98

01:57:46.000 Brian, on this show, he's reviewed all these dick pills. 0.99

01:57:49.000 You know those dick pills that you get at a gas station? 0.99

01:57:52.000 A lot of them, a good percentage of them, are actually either Cialis or Viagra. 0.99

01:57:56.000 They buy it in bulk form, and it's actually cheap to sell, and you mix it up with some fucking wacky herbs, and you sell it over the counter in these gas stations that do not give a fuck. 0.97

01:58:06.000 These 24-hour gas stations in the middle of nowhere, they'll sell these things. 0.98

01:58:10.000 And it's profitable and really effective because they actually do work.

01:58:14.000 Well, they do do that with steroids. 1.00

01:58:17.000 Like, there have been many supplement companies that have been caught, and it turns out that, like, athletes took their stuff and then tested positive for steroids, and then they'll take that stuff and they'll bring it to a lab, and they go, yeah, there's steroids in there.

01:58:29.000 Like, they have illegally poured steroids into their supplements to make them effective.

01:58:33.000 So Floyd Mayweather, performance-enhancing drug test.

01:58:38.000 Well, that used to happen all the time with Sudafed and this sort of thing, yeah?

01:58:42.000 Yeah, it used to happen with Sudafed.

01:58:44.000 Yeah, Floyd May really got caught.

01:58:47.000 Tested positive three times for PEDs.

01:58:49.000 They don't have listed what he took, but it's hilarious.

01:58:54.000 A lot of those guys are on things, a good high percentage.

01:58:58.000 And if they're not on that, you know what they are on?

01:59:01.000 Almost everyone is taking supplements, whether it's Creatine, or protein, or vitamins, or whatever, beta-alanine, whatever legal stuff, amino acids.

01:59:12.000 Do you see that making a big difference in the ring, for example?

01:59:15.000 Maybe not a big difference, but a difference.

01:59:18.000 Certainly, there's stuff that you can take.

01:59:20.000 Cordyceps mushrooms has a very profound effect on endurance.

01:59:24.000 That's real.

01:59:25.000 That's legit.

01:59:25.000 I've taken that stuff.

01:59:26.000 There's a product called Shroom Tech Sport that my company actually sells.

01:59:30.000 It's based on the cordyceps mushroom.

01:59:32.000 There's stuff that you can take that does work.

01:59:34.000 And how does it register for you?

01:59:38.000 Can you tell that you get a little burst of energy?

01:59:40.000 Yeah, just tell.

01:59:42.000 I normally will be at a certain level of exhaustion in a workout, but I'll feel like I have extra energy.

01:59:47.000 Because of taking this stuff.

01:59:48.000 There's also B12 in it, which has definitely been shown to be effective.

01:59:52.000 So you factor all that stuff in like B12, which a lot of like athletes will take an injectable form before performance because it enhances your energy and your ability to sustain energy.

02:00:01.000 But B12 is legal.

02:00:02.000 So all these things, it becomes a matter of like, if you throw in a cocktail of all these legal things that can enhance performance that you're allowed to do, how much of a bump does it give you?

02:00:14.000 Does it give you a 5% bump?

02:00:15.000 It might be a 10% bump.

02:00:17.000 At what point is it performance enhancing?

02:00:21.000 Well, when you take a steroid and it gets to 50%, is that where everybody draws the line?

02:00:25.000 I don't know.

02:00:26.000 It's going to be a strange day when a regular person is more fit and more capable than professional athletes who are natural.

02:00:36.000 Because a regular person is going to have gone in for gene therapy the way a girl goes in for a nose job today. 1.00

02:00:42.000 Because that's going to happen.

02:00:44.000 It's just going to.

02:00:45.000 If the human race stays alive, if we don't get hit in the head by a meteor, if we don't blow ourselves up, there's going to come a point in time within the next couple of decades where you're going to be able to change the molecular structure of your body.

02:00:58.000 You're going to be able to reformulate how your body is shaped.

02:01:02.000 You're going to change your genetics.

02:01:04.000 You're going to change all sorts of aspects of the way your body performs.

02:01:09.000 And regular people are going to be able to get it.

02:01:11.000 Just like a regular person now has in their pocket, in the cell phone, a computer processor that's greater than the computer processor that they used in the Apollo 11 moon launch.

02:01:22.000 We have nuttiness in our pockets.

02:01:26.000 And we use it for what? 0.99

02:01:28.000 Whatever the fuck you want! 0.99

02:01:29.000 But it's like in that 50 years, you know, from 1960, whenever it was, to now, imagine that amount of time going by from now into the future. 0.99

02:01:42.000 I can't imagine a time where we're not doing some sort of crazy genetic experiment.

02:01:48.000 Not particularly from this moment on.

02:01:50.000 I can't imagine it.

02:01:51.000 It's got to be happening in secret, too.

02:01:54.000 Behind closed doors.

02:01:56.000 There's a conspiracy somewhere. 1.00

02:01:57.000 Some Planet of the Apes type shit. 0.99

02:01:58.000 That's what we've got to look out for. 1.00

02:02:00.000 To make some hybrid human chimpanzee murderers. 1.00

02:02:03.000 Like some Soylent Green shit? 1.00

02:02:04.000 Just drop them off in Russia. 0.99

02:02:07.000 You know?

02:02:08.000 Yeah, it's possible. 1.00

02:02:09.000 Crazy fucks. 0.99

02:02:11.000 I mean, you think about what we do if we send troops to another country. 1.00

02:02:15.000 You know, and what you're doing is you're guaranteeing that someone over there is going to die, right?

02:02:19.000 You're definitely doing that. 0.89

02:02:20.000 If you could train some sort of a chimpanzee that you've created in a laboratory and teach them how to shoot a gun and send them over there and tell them to eat babies and shoot people, you don't think they would do it? 0.92

02:02:32.000 Joe, what do you think about that tranny that's trying to fight in the MMA? I was going to bring it up. 1.00

02:02:38.000 How did you get from a baby-eating cannibal monkey? 1.00

02:02:43.000 When I say babies, I think penis. 1.00

02:02:46.000 Well, she calls herself a woman, but I tend to disagree. 0.99

02:02:51.000 And she used to be a man, but now she's a transgender, which is an official term that means you've gone through it, right? 0.88

02:03:01.000 And she wants to be able to fight women in MMA. I say no fucking way. 1.00

02:03:07.000 I say if you had a dick at one point in time, you also have all the bone structure that comes with having a dick. 1.00

02:03:15.000 You have bigger hands, you have bigger shoulder joints. 1.00

02:03:18.000 You're a fucking man. 1.00

02:03:20.000 And that's her right there. 1.00

02:03:21.000 That's a man.

02:03:22.000 Okay?

02:03:23.000 You can't have... 1.00

02:03:24.000 I don't care if you don't have a dick anymore. 1.00

02:03:26.000 Yeah, that looks like a guy's... 1.00

02:03:28.000 Carriage there, right?

02:03:30.000 Yeah, you can't fight women. 1.00

02:03:32.000 That's fucking crazy. 1.00

02:03:34.000 I don't know why she thinks that she's going to be able to do that. 1.00

02:03:36.000 If you want to be a woman in the bedroom, and you want to play house and all that other shit, and you feel like your body is really a woman's body trapped inside a man's frame, and so you've got an operation... 0.98

02:03:51.000 That's all good in the hood, but you can't fight chicks. 1.00

02:03:54.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:03:56.000 You're out of your mind. 1.00

02:03:57.000 You need to fight men. 0.99

02:03:59.000 Period. 0.65

02:04:00.000 You need to fight men your size because you're a man. 1.00

02:04:02.000 You're a man without a dick. 1.00

02:04:04.000 And I don't know what that dude next to you on the left, I don't know what the fuck he's trying to convince himself of. 1.00

02:04:10.000 I don't know what he's saying right now. 0.98

02:04:12.000 I don't need to hear it.

02:04:13.000 I'm looking at a man with a dress.

02:04:15.000 And you could act as a woman.

02:04:18.000 I will call you a her. 1.00

02:04:19.000 I will call you ma'am.

02:04:22.000 I'll be respectful.

02:04:23.000 But you can't fight women when you have a man's frame. 1.00

02:04:28.000 Period.

02:04:29.000 Women aren't that wide. 1.00

02:04:30.000 That generates to increase punching power.

02:04:33.000 Women don't have that sort of muscle structure. 1.00

02:04:36.000 I don't know what you're doing. 0.93

02:04:38.000 Obviously, if you're trans-operational, it means you remove your testicles so your body's not producing testosterone anymore.

02:04:45.000 I don't know if you're supplementing testosterone.

02:04:47.000 If your body's not producing testosterone, why are your arms so big?

02:04:51.000 What's going on here? 1.00

02:04:52.000 There's a lot of shit going on there, and you can't fight women. 1.00

02:04:56.000 No fucking way. 1.00

02:04:57.000 Yeah, I agree with that. 1.00

02:04:58.000 Apparently she's fighting women. 1.00

02:05:00.000 That looks like a guy.

02:05:02.000 That's a guy's carriage there.

02:05:04.000 Well, not only that, she's won two fights by brutal knockout. 0.91

02:05:08.000 So she's fighting women. 1.00

02:05:10.000 And whose divisions, whose fight game is she participating in? 1.00

02:05:15.000 Exactly.

02:05:16.000 There's a variety, isn't there?

02:05:17.000 Yeah, there's a variety of small companies that are willing to allow a person like this to fight. 0.99

02:05:25.000 I say it's fucked up. 1.00

02:05:26.000 You can't fight women. 1.00

02:05:28.000 You can't.

02:05:29.000 And just to look at her record, she's crushed two women inside the first round. 1.00

02:05:34.000 I mean, she's crushing these girls. 1.00

02:05:37.000 What is her weight? 0.67

02:05:39.000 145. She knocked out this chick in 39 seconds with a vicious knee to the head. 1.00

02:05:44.000 She looks like she's really in shape there.

02:05:47.000 Look, she's huge. 0.90

02:05:48.000 She's not just huge. 1.00

02:05:49.000 She's got a fucking man's face. 1.00

02:05:51.000 I mean, you can wear all the lipstick you want. 1.00

02:05:53.000 You want to be a woman, and you want to take female hormones, you want to get a boob job, that's all fine. 0.99

02:05:59.000 I support your life to live, your right to live as a woman. 0.89

02:06:03.000 What about her fighting guys then?

02:06:05.000 Fight guys, yes.

02:06:06.000 She has to fight guys. 0.99

02:06:07.000 First of all, she's not really a she.

02:06:09.000 She's a transgender post-op person. 0.96

02:06:12.000 So she's supposedly after the operation.

02:06:15.000 Yeah.

02:06:16.000 The operation doesn't shave down your bone density.

02:06:18.000 It doesn't change.

02:06:19.000 You look at a man's hands and you look at a woman's hands and they're built different. 1.00

02:06:23.000 They're just thicker.

02:06:24.000 They're stronger.

02:06:25.000 Your wrists are thicker.

02:06:27.000 Your elbows are thicker.

02:06:28.000 Your joints are thicker.

02:06:30.000 Just the mechanical function of punching, a man can do it much harder than a woman can. 1.00

02:06:36.000 Well, he looks also like he's been doing athletics since he was nothing years old.

02:06:42.000 You don't just start boxing and then that's what you look like.

02:06:46.000 And I've got to imagine there's a lot of female fighters out there who are relatively new to the game within the last five summers. 1.00

02:06:54.000 And I support 100% anyone's right to be transgender.

02:06:59.000 This is not where it lies with me.

02:07:01.000 I'm not a prejudiced person.

02:07:03.000 I don't know what you feel in your body.

02:07:05.000 I don't know if you really are a woman trapped in a man's body.

02:07:07.000 I support your right to do whatever you want to do.

02:07:10.000 Go for it.

02:07:11.000 If that's what makes you happy, I would not try to stop that at all, and I support it 100%.

02:07:17.000 The real issue comes with violent competition with women and the reality of the physical structure of your body. 0.61

02:07:25.000 The reality of the physical structure is not fair.

02:07:28.000 You can't say that a 145 pound woman and a 145 pound man are even.

02:07:33.000 That's like saying A 30-pound poodle and a 30-pound pit bull are just two dogs.

02:07:40.000 Because they're not.

02:07:41.000 One of them has distributed its mass in quite a different way.

02:07:45.000 It's built for quite a different purpose. 1.00

02:07:47.000 And men are built for smashing shit. 1.00

02:07:49.000 Women are built for getting held down by the stronger male monkey. 1.00

02:07:55.000 And women are built for carrying babies and doing work and whatever other non... 1.00

02:08:02.000 Hyper-explosive physical things you would want to do with your body, but they're not built for hyper-explosive physical violence.

02:08:09.000 They're just not.

02:08:10.000 They have more dainty frames, their hands are smaller, and even if they are big, they're not big like a big man is.

02:08:17.000 It's not fair.

02:08:18.000 I'm not trying to discriminate against women in any way, shape, or form, and I'm a big supporter of women's fighting.

02:08:23.000 I loved watching that Ronda Rousey-Liz Karmouche fight, but those are actual women. 1.00

02:08:28.000 Those are actual women. 1.00

02:08:30.000 And as strong as Ronda Rousey looks, she still looks to me like a pretty girl.

02:08:35.000 She's a beautiful girl who happens to be strong.

02:08:37.000 She's a girl.

02:08:38.000 This is not a girl. 0.98

02:08:40.000 Okay?

02:08:40.000 This is a transgender woman.

02:08:42.000 It's a totally different specification.

02:08:44.000 This invites right away some of the usual stuff that haunts this kind of thing, like women's bodybuilding, or women's boxing, women's fighting, or whatever. 1.00

02:08:53.000 Or how about some crazy dude who wants to beat the fuck out of chicks so he gets his dick chopped off. 1.00

02:08:58.000 I mean, that's not outside the realm of possibility. 1.00

02:09:00.000 There's a lot of suicidal fucks out there. 0.98

02:09:02.000 There's a lot of people that are, like, on the edge. 1.00

02:09:04.000 Anyway, like, getting your dick chopped off. 1.00

02:09:06.000 You know you're gonna pay attention to me? 1.00

02:09:07.000 Okay, I'll chop my dick off. 1.00

02:09:08.000 I'll be a girl for a while. 1.00

02:09:10.000 Like, there's people out there that are fucking crazy. 1.00

02:09:13.000 And you can't let them fight girls. 1.00

02:09:15.000 I agree.

02:09:16.000 I agree.

02:09:16.000 And is she trying to get into the real fight game?

02:09:21.000 Well, yes.

02:09:22.000 She's in the CFA, which is a smaller but legit organization.

02:09:28.000 I've heard of this organization.

02:09:29.000 And I think they actually broadcast on...

02:09:34.000 Sometimes they broadcast on cable television, so you can watch this fight.

02:09:39.000 The CFA is a, you know, they're a legit, like, farm organization, I would say, or a B organization, that has talented fighters, guys that are coming up, and, you know, it's a good organization.

02:09:51.000 I just don't agree with the Athletic Commission letting this happen.

02:09:56.000 Is the Athletic Commission letting something happen?

02:09:59.000 I don't know.

02:10:00.000 Either is that or they're doing these things on Indian grounds.

02:10:03.000 If they do them in Indian reservations, which we used to do all the old MMA fights, like the King of the Cage, we used to have to go to watch those at an Indian reservation. 0.98

02:10:13.000 We used to go way out in the middle of nowhere.

02:10:14.000 A lot of them even took place outdoors.

02:10:17.000 And those days, you still can see in places that don't have sanctioning, You still can see MMA fights at Indian reservations that go by really wacky rules. 0.99

02:10:28.000 You wear shoes, and this guy hasn't trained at all, and this guy's had 45 fights.

02:10:33.000 Those mismatches and stuff, those can still take place because they don't have athletic commissions.

02:10:38.000 Gotcha.

02:10:39.000 They might have athletic commissions.

02:10:41.000 They also might have a bunch of people that are on steroids and nobody testing.

02:10:44.000 You don't really know what you're going to get because they're their own sort of sovereign nation.

02:10:49.000 When you're on Indian land, if you're on Native American land, When you're on a reservation, they essentially can make their own athletic commission. 0.86

02:10:57.000 Even if it's illegal in California, they were still holding fights in King of the Cage all throughout that illegal time.

02:11:03.000 All of it was being done on Indian reservations.

02:11:06.000 Why on Indian reservations?

02:11:08.000 Just because it's a sovereign state? 1.00

02:11:10.000 They can do whatever the fuck they want. 0.98

02:11:12.000 That's how they have casinos. 1.00

02:11:14.000 Why isn't prostitution legal then on that? 1.00

02:11:16.000 I don't think they want that. 1.00

02:11:18.000 There's not one crazy Indian out there that has a boner? 1.00

02:11:20.000 He's got his own hookers. 1.00

02:11:22.000 He's got his own stable. 0.99

02:11:23.000 Those guys have so much money too.

02:11:25.000 What basically happened was the United States or the founding humans that traveled across the United States when they essentially We're good to go.

02:11:56.000 And yeah, I guess you can do whatever you want.

02:11:58.000 So boom, Foxwoods, all these different places where it was illegal to have casinos, got tremendous success just putting casinos on these Indian lands.

02:12:07.000 I remember.

02:12:07.000 Yeah.

02:12:08.000 So if this chick fights on Indian land, I guess they could do whatever you want. 1.00

02:12:12.000 I don't see the Nevada State Athletic Commission allowing a woman to fight a man, though. 0.92

02:12:16.000 Even a transgender woman is still a man. 1.00

02:12:20.000 It's so well known that no, she's not going to.

02:12:24.000 There's a 50-year-old guy that is in high school, or in college, rather, playing women's basketball.

02:12:32.000 He's 50. He's like 6' fucking something or another. 0.99

02:12:37.000 This guy is 6'6", and he's 230 pounds. 1.00

02:12:43.000 He's a giant motherfucker, and he's playing competitive basketball in these 18- to 20-year-old women. 0.99

02:12:52.000 So he's in college. 1.00

02:12:54.000 He's 50. He's got a dick hacked off. 1.00

02:12:57.000 So he's a woman now. 1.00

02:12:58.000 Oh, really?

02:12:59.000 Yes.

02:12:59.000 So he's a transgender woman competing against 18 to 20-year-old college girls.

02:13:06.000 Actual normal college girls. 0.99

02:13:07.000 And is he beating them?

02:13:08.000 Of course he is. 1.00

02:13:09.000 He's fucking enormous. 1.00

02:13:10.000 These chicks are like 5'1 and shit. 1.00

02:13:13.000 He's 6'6, 230 pounds. 1.00

02:13:16.000 And there's nothing that anybody can say?

02:13:17.000 No.

02:13:18.000 I don't know.

02:13:19.000 I don't understand it.

02:13:20.000 I don't know why anybody would ever allow that.

02:13:23.000 When it comes to competitive athletics, that's where you gotta draw the line.

02:13:26.000 You're allowed to wear makeup.

02:13:27.000 You're allowed to say your name is Shirley.

02:13:29.000 You're allowed to do whatever...

02:13:30.000 This is the guy.

02:13:30.000 Look at it, see?

02:13:32.000 I mean, what the fuck, man? 1.00

02:13:34.000 Look at the giant hands on this woman. 1.00

02:13:36.000 That's not a woman. 1.00

02:13:37.000 That's a nightmare.

02:13:40.000 You sort of sober up and you realize this guy's in your kitchen going, come on, let's go in the bedroom.

02:13:44.000 And you're like, wait a minute, what?

02:13:46.000 How did I get here? 1.00

02:13:47.000 Put your penis inside of my penis. 1.00

02:13:49.000 You're like, what's going on? 1.00

02:13:51.000 That's a nightmare.

02:13:52.000 And there's another photo of her actually playing basketball with the women.

02:13:56.000 And it's so scary because she's so much bigger than the women. 1.00

02:14:01.000 There's a reason why women play basketball. 1.00

02:14:03.000 Oh, there you go.

02:14:04.000 Look at that, man. 0.99

02:14:05.000 That's ridiculous. 0.99

02:14:06.000 It's beyond ridiculous. 0.99

02:14:08.000 There's a reason why women play with women. 1.00

02:14:10.000 It's because it's a fucking sport and they're the same size. 0.99

02:14:15.000 And no woman would ever get this tattoo of a barbed fence with a, what is that, a wolf? 0.99

02:14:20.000 It's like a lightning bolt with a shrunken head.

02:14:23.000 What is that?

02:14:23.000 It's like a shrunken head.

02:14:25.000 It's that barbed wire thing.

02:14:26.000 Yeah, what is that monster face?

02:14:28.000 It looks like a wolf.

02:14:29.000 It's a wolf!

02:14:29.000 It is a wolf, isn't it?

02:14:30.000 No chick's gonna get a wolf in barbed wire. 1.00

02:14:32.000 What a crazy fuck. 1.00

02:14:34.000 On both arms, it looks like. 1.00

02:14:35.000 Yeah, well, two wolves. 1.00

02:14:36.000 The third one's on her tits. 1.00

02:14:39.000 Yeah, does she have fake tits? 1.00

02:14:40.000 Who allows that? 1.00

02:14:42.000 Why would they allow that?

02:14:43.000 Someone at Mission College, you know?

02:14:46.000 Mission College was in Fremont, California.

02:14:49.000 I don't know how this is allowed.

02:14:51.000 I don't know how it happened.

02:14:52.000 They call her Gabby.

02:14:55.000 I don't know.

02:14:56.000 And is Gabby winning?

02:14:57.000 Because if Gabby's winning, then you got an issue.

02:14:59.000 It's easier if they're not winning.

02:15:01.000 Well, before she was Gabby, her name was Robert John Ludwig.

02:15:05.000 Jesus Christ! 1.00

02:15:07.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:15:08.000 And not only that, he's fucking 50. Wow. 1.00

02:15:11.000 I mean, what a crazy old fuck. 1.00

02:15:14.000 Yeah, what's he doing in college at the age of 50? 1.00

02:15:16.000 Well, he probably always wanted to be a girl and always wanted to relive his life as a girl.

02:15:21.000 So he's going back to college.

02:15:22.000 And I don't know if there's like age restrictions for competitive sports in all colleges.

02:15:27.000 I mean, I think it's...

02:15:28.000 Clearly there isn't.

02:15:29.000 I guess not.

02:15:30.000 Clearly there isn't.

02:15:31.000 This school's...

02:15:32.000 However this school rocks it.

02:15:33.000 At the age of 50?

02:15:34.000 Come on.

02:15:35.000 Yeah.

02:15:35.000 They don't care if you can keep up with the team?

02:15:38.000 You used to train at Benny the Jets Center in California.

02:15:41.000 Yes.

02:15:42.000 Didn't you?

02:15:42.000 Yeah, a number of years ago.

02:15:44.000 How do you know that?

02:15:45.000 I started out there when I first came to California.

02:15:47.000 But they closed the place down because of the...

02:15:50.000 I came right after the earthquakes.

02:15:52.000 But when the earthquakes... 0.98

02:15:54.000 After everything settled down, there was so much roof damage that that place, when it rained in the winter, just got fucked. 0.89

02:16:00.000 And so they had to get out of there.

02:16:02.000 So I was only there for, you know, as many months as it took before it started raining around here again.

02:16:06.000 And they realized how bad the damage really was in the roof.

02:16:09.000 And then they moved to North Hollywood.

02:16:11.000 And I trained there for a little while, but it's just...

02:16:13.000 Outside of my distance.

02:16:16.000 Where do you train now?

02:16:17.000 Are you still trained?

02:16:18.000 Are you kickboxing?

02:16:19.000 I have a disc issue in my back, so I haven't been doing any jujitsu for a few months.

02:16:23.000 I've just been doing kickboxing.

02:16:25.000 I have a bulging disc.

02:16:26.000 Sure enough.

02:16:27.000 And what, does that bother you more times than not?

02:16:30.000 More in jujitsu than anything else.

02:16:32.000 I'm able to kick and punch and lift weights and do a lot of things, but getting my neck yanked on That's when it becomes a problem.

02:16:38.000 Like when someone is trying to submit me or pull down on my neck, it places a lot of pressure and it can pinch the nerves.

02:16:45.000 Sure enough.

02:16:46.000 Yeah, that disc is always the jujitsu key out of there, huh?

02:16:50.000 That's what always catches up from that art form there.

02:16:55.000 Discs, definitely.

02:16:56.000 Yeah, a lot of guys have disc issues.

02:16:58.000 Ricardo Laborio scared the shit out of me.

02:17:00.000 He's a famous jujitsu guy.

02:17:01.000 He told me he has seven herniated discs.

02:17:04.000 I was like, seven?

02:17:05.000 How many of them are there?

02:17:07.000 Seven of them that are bulging out and pinching against nerves?

02:17:11.000 Yeah, they're pinching and he's walking?

02:17:12.000 Yep.

02:17:13.000 Is he in pain?

02:17:14.000 Is he always in pain?

02:17:15.000 Always in pain.

02:17:16.000 Yeah, he's always in pain.

02:17:17.000 And he doesn't compete anymore either.

02:17:18.000 He's a trainer.

02:17:19.000 He still rolls with guys, but he's not competing anymore.

02:17:23.000 He was a very high-level Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu competitor at one point in time and then became the coach.

02:17:29.000 One of the head coaches at American Top Team. 1.00

02:17:32.000 But, like, his back is fucked. 0.99

02:17:34.000 Yeah, how do you even get that fixed? 0.99

02:17:37.000 That many discs?

02:17:38.000 You can, slowly but surely.

02:17:40.000 There's ways to do it.

02:17:42.000 And one of the things that they're doing now is they're actually replacing the discs with an artificial disc.

02:17:46.000 And they screw it in place.

02:17:48.000 It's like a plastic spacer.

02:17:50.000 I've seen them in person.

02:17:52.000 Because one of the first guys to ever get it done to start competing again was a guy named Nate Quarry.

02:17:57.000 And Nate has these spacers where they take out your disc and they screw this thing into the bone and it's like rigid in place where your disc used to be and it kind of gives a little.

02:18:08.000 It's made out of like this plastic substance.

02:18:09.000 And is he able to roll?

02:18:10.000 Is he still able to fight?

02:18:11.000 He fought four times with an artificial disc.

02:18:14.000 Yeah, he's had one artificial disc and I think he has two of his discs in his neck fused.

02:18:20.000 It's craziness, man.

02:18:22.000 That's a high price to pay.

02:18:24.000 It's not one guy either.

02:18:25.000 What's scaring the shit out of me is that before I was having back problems, I heard about guys getting injured.

02:18:30.000 I heard about guys getting surgery.

02:18:31.000 I know Tito Ortiz had two surgeries like that.

02:18:33.000 He has a spacer in his back.

02:18:35.000 As well as a fused disc in his neck.

02:18:36.000 But I didn't think about it in terms of like the overall sport until I got my own injury.

02:18:42.000 And then I started asking all sorts of people, like trainers, and how many, do you have any problems with your back?

02:18:46.000 Yeah, I got three herniated discs.

02:18:47.000 Like what?

02:18:48.000 Like everybody has them.

02:18:50.000 You know, the disc issue is a real issue.

02:18:53.000 Yep.

02:18:53.000 Scary stuff.

02:18:54.000 It is.

02:18:55.000 Numb arms and stuff.

02:18:56.000 Sure.

02:18:57.000 And it's the one ticket that very few people do talk about, huh?

02:19:02.000 Yeah, it's a problem.

02:19:03.000 I think it's a career changer.

02:19:06.000 When your back gets involved, I have lower back issues.

02:19:10.000 Do you?

02:19:10.000 For many years, yeah, you bet.

02:19:12.000 Do you do yoga?

02:19:13.000 Yeah, but usually that's not the ticket to...

02:19:16.000 Is it helping you?

02:19:18.000 No?

02:19:18.000 No.

02:19:19.000 Usually it's a matter of strengthening that whole area, that whole wrap around where your hips are and getting good strong muscle and all the sit-ups and backups.

02:19:29.000 All in that area there.

02:19:31.000 Because stretching it is kind of what pops them out.

02:19:34.000 Well, yes and no.

02:19:36.000 Strengthening is very important.

02:19:38.000 You're absolutely right about that.

02:19:39.000 But one thing you can do by stretching and by a lot of yoga exercise is you're sort of elongating your spine.

02:19:46.000 You can actually help relieve some of the compression that just comes from gravity and poor posture.

02:19:52.000 And you can actually strengthen good posture with a lot of the yoga poses.

02:19:56.000 Yoga has been very helpful for me while I've been going through this.

02:19:59.000 A good, strong yoga session alleviates a lot of stress in my back.

02:20:04.000 I feel like a lot of tension relaxed.

02:20:06.000 It feels much, much better.

02:20:07.000 What kind of yoga are you doing?

02:20:09.000 I do a little of that hot yoga.

02:20:10.000 Yeah?

02:20:11.000 Yeah, a little Bikrams. 1.00

02:20:12.000 I do a bunch of different kinds.

02:20:13.000 In the room where they turn the heat up a lot?

02:20:15.000 I like that.

02:20:16.000 I do it at home by myself, too.

02:20:17.000 I have some DVDs that I follow.

02:20:20.000 Very cool.

02:20:21.000 Yeah, stretching is very, very important.

02:20:23.000 You're probably the most flexible rock star in the history of the world.

02:20:26.000 What do you say?

02:20:26.000 Well, I do...

02:20:28.000 I do a lot of...

02:20:29.000 Before it was yoga, we used to call it stretching.

02:20:31.000 Yeah, who else can throw those crazy kicks?

02:20:34.000 As a way of life, you know?

02:20:37.000 Staring at a little piece of floor and holding the position. 0.99

02:20:40.000 Well, when I was a Taekwondo competitor in my high school years, and I was a huge Van Halen fan, I always took pride in the fact that David Lee Roth can throw some fucking kicks. 0.99

02:20:49.000 There you go. 1.00

02:20:50.000 You can throw some legit shit. 1.00

02:20:52.000 And then I was like, oh shit, he trains at the Jet Center. 1.00

02:20:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:20:54.000 Yep. 1.00

02:20:54.000 Like, the Jet Center for Kickboxers was, like, back in the day, it was Mecca. 1.00

02:20:58.000 Yep.

02:20:58.000 And Benny Erquides, at one point in time, was the man when it came to kickboxing in America.

02:21:03.000 I got really lucky in that I always use my celebrity as a passport.

02:21:09.000 Yeah.

02:21:09.000 To meet people, to get involved in school, and learn from those folks.

02:21:13.000 Right.

02:21:13.000 And all the stuff, you know, the people that you're mentioning, I still use their warm-up tips.

02:21:18.000 I still use those training ideas and how I eat and everything.

02:21:23.000 Right.

02:21:23.000 It's been the balance for me.

02:21:25.000 Are you really careful with your diet?

02:21:27.000 You're obviously fit.

02:21:29.000 I call it a crocodile.

02:21:32.000 It's mostly birds and whatever kind of greenery comes with it.

02:21:40.000 Occasionally a fish gets in there.

02:21:43.000 But mostly it's chickens and turkeys.

02:21:46.000 A little wounded antelope that fucks up and gets too close to the waterhole.

02:21:49.000 Chickens and turkeys and greenery and whatever falls in with it.

02:21:54.000 Not a meat fan?

02:21:55.000 I love it, but not so much anymore.

02:21:58.000 Gotta really watch out.

02:21:59.000 Do you find health-wise there's repercussions to eating meat?

02:22:02.000 Like...

02:22:03.000 Oh, yeah.

02:22:03.000 You bet, man.

02:22:04.000 You can't outrun that cheeseburger.

02:22:06.000 Okay, cheeseburgers, right.

02:22:08.000 What about like grass-fed beef or anything like that?

02:22:10.000 You have to be so careful because, you know, the mistake that most of us make is, oh, well, my pant size hasn't changed since junior college, so I'll just continue with the diet.

02:22:21.000 But then your metabolism slows down and, you know, you've got to watch out because you'll be eating a lot of red meat or things that are like, you know, whatever, french fries, etc., And thinking that because your pant size hasn't changed, that you're in front of it.

02:22:36.000 And that ain't the case.

02:22:38.000 You can't outrun it.

02:22:39.000 You gotta balance out what you eat with how much you actually train.

02:22:43.000 Do you ever talk to a nutritionist?

02:22:45.000 Do you read books on any of that stuff?

02:22:47.000 Oh, yeah.

02:22:47.000 Yeah, I've been through many nutritionists.

02:22:49.000 My sister was a nutritionist for many years.

02:22:52.000 You don't really have to worry too much about red meat.

02:22:55.000 With red meat, the real issue with red meat is people that are fat and people that are not exercising and people that are, especially if you're eating a lot of corn-fed meat, there's a lot of fat in corn-fed meat.

02:23:07.000 But meat itself, as long as it's in moderation, especially grass-fed meat, is actually pretty good for you.

02:23:13.000 I love red meat.

02:23:14.000 Game, especially, wild game.

02:23:16.000 The issue with grass-fed meat, like people, well, what's the big deal with grass-fed?

02:23:19.000 It tastes different.

02:23:20.000 Well, it doesn't just taste different.

02:23:21.000 It's a healthier animal.

02:23:22.000 First of all, animals are not supposed to be eating corn.

02:23:25.000 Cows are not naturally designed to eat corn.

02:23:28.000 Watch the movie Food, Inc.

02:23:29.000 if you're curious about that.

02:23:30.000 Oh, I think I've seen that.

02:23:31.000 It's terrible.

02:23:32.000 It's terrible for their bodies. 1.00

02:23:33.000 And that's what makes them so fucking fat and delicious when you slap them bitches down on a grill and it's that ribeye steak and all that fat. 1.00

02:23:40.000 But it's not nearly as healthy for you as grass-fed meat. 0.98

02:23:45.000 Grass-fed beef is actually, it actually aids your body in burning fat.

02:23:48.000 Grass-fed beef for athletic performance is far superior to corn-fed meat.

02:23:52.000 You're eating a healthy animal as opposed to a sick animal.

02:23:55.000 And it's just going to be more nutritious.

02:23:57.000 There's more vitamins in it.

02:23:59.000 There's more nutrients.

02:24:00.000 It's far better for you.

02:24:01.000 And it tastes different.

02:24:03.000 It's less fatty, so it's not quite as tender.

02:24:05.000 But I like it.

02:24:06.000 I like it more.

02:24:07.000 I prefer the taste of grass-fed meat and the taste of wild game to fatty corn-fed beef because I know what's going on.

02:24:15.000 That said, every now and then, a little in and out, 3x3 with some fries.

02:24:22.000 Yeah, but what about like...

02:24:24.000 The double-double.

02:24:25.000 It spells trouble.

02:24:26.000 I go with 3x3.

02:24:27.000 I figure if I'm going to eat in a burger, I'm going to have three patties. 1.00

02:24:30.000 Fuck it. 1.00

02:24:31.000 What about cholesterol, though? 1.00

02:24:33.000 Cholesterol is only an issue, again.

02:24:35.000 If you're not monitoring it, if you're not watching your diet, if you have some hereditary issues...

02:24:40.000 And if you're not exercising on a regular basis, you've got to create a nuclear blast furnace that everything gets tossed into.

02:24:47.000 And the only way to do that is to put your body in this constant state of recovery.

02:24:51.000 You're constantly breaking it down and constantly recovering it.

02:24:54.000 So your body is constantly in this state where it knows it has to perform athletically.

02:24:58.000 It has to burn off flesh.

02:24:59.000 It's not going to waste any effort.

02:25:01.000 It's not going to waste any energy, rather.

02:25:03.000 You've got to make sure that when you're taking in nutrients, they get absorbed.

02:25:06.000 As soon as you get sedentary, and then you're eating massive amounts of animal protein, and then your body's just pooling up with fats. 0.99

02:25:15.000 What's even worse for you, honestly, is fucking carbohydrates. 0.99

02:25:19.000 Carbohydrates in massive quantities, like most people eat them, especially sugars. 1.00

02:25:23.000 You're talking about ice cream and cake.

02:25:25.000 That stuff is just clogging you.

02:25:28.000 It's terrible for you.

02:25:30.000 In fact, sugar is really like a mild toxin.

02:25:34.000 It's not good for you in any way, shape, or form.

02:25:36.000 It's not so mild.

02:25:39.000 A good wallop of sugar, are you kidding, and some caffeine.

02:25:45.000 You can get a lot done.

02:25:46.000 But it tastes yummy.

02:25:48.000 Yeah.

02:25:48.000 Yeah, I mean, it's hard to get past that.

02:25:51.000 How did we turn into a nutrition conversation with David Lee Roth?

02:25:54.000 Because I wanted to know, because you're fit and you're energetic, and I wanted to know if you're like, but you're still smoking Marlboro's.

02:25:59.000 Yeah, on occasion.

02:26:02.000 Contradictions.

02:26:03.000 What to do, what to do.

02:26:05.000 Do you find that in Japan it's easier to maintain a healthy diet?

02:26:09.000 Because they have a much less fatty diet over there than we do in America, huh? 0.67

02:26:12.000 It's so easy to Stevie Wonder it.

02:26:15.000 You don't have to look around at all.

02:26:17.000 It's insensitive, I know.

02:26:19.000 You put your hand over your eyes and just point.

02:26:22.000 We will be pointing somewhere that is reasonable to eat.

02:26:27.000 Like I said, My diet is basically birds and fish and rice and beans and the clean stuff.

02:26:37.000 In Japan, there's 3,000 variations of that.

02:26:41.000 3,000 variations of noodle soup.

02:26:43.000 There's 3,000 variations of chicken on a stick.

02:26:47.000 I remember something you said to me at the Comedy Store.

02:26:49.000 I never forgot because I thought it was so funny.

02:26:51.000 You were talking about chicks, about groupies, like really hot chicks that were fans, and about how we're living in the Stairmaster era.

02:27:01.000 You're like, these gals are in their 40s, and they look sensational.

02:27:05.000 Nobody ever saw this before.

02:27:07.000 You were like, this ain't your mom's 40. It's true, right? 1.00

02:27:12.000 Yes, it is true.

02:27:13.000 It's a different era.

02:27:15.000 Oh, it's a hugely different era.

02:27:16.000 And in Japan, we were talking about yoga and yoga.

02:27:20.000 Women think nothing of going to a Bikram yoga session in the hotbox with complete face makeup and complete hairdo, etc. 1.00

02:27:29.000 In Japan they do that?

02:27:30.000 Totally.

02:27:31.000 The gyms are full.

02:27:32.000 The women get dressed up like they're going to a fashion place. 1.00

02:27:36.000 Wow.

02:27:36.000 100% of the time.

02:27:38.000 Seems like heaven.

02:27:38.000 Are they trying to hook up?

02:27:39.000 Is that what it is?

02:27:40.000 Trying to put out the signal?

02:27:42.000 I think, first off, in a country where virtually everybody has the same color hair, it's probably a little more difficult, you know, to stand out.

02:27:51.000 Right.

02:27:51.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

02:27:52.000 Think about it.

02:27:53.000 Virtually everybody's got a black haircut in there.

02:27:55.000 So, you know, right away, you got your work cut out for you a little bit there.

02:27:59.000 A little face paint goes a long way.

02:28:01.000 Oh, hell yeah.

02:28:01.000 What if you found out that that's not comedy practice?

02:28:04.000 They're only doing it because they found out David Lee Roth was taking yoga there. 0.99

02:28:07.000 And these bitches are like, this is the hookup. 1.00

02:28:10.000 This haunts me. 1.00

02:28:13.000 This is not the first that I've had to examine this idea.

02:28:19.000 Is it weird being that famous for so long?

02:28:22.000 You're such an easygoing guy.

02:28:24.000 It's one of the things that impressed me the most when I met you at the Comedy Store.

02:28:27.000 You are the most normal, like regular, down-to-earth guy.

02:28:31.000 If someone didn't know you, they would never know that you're like one of the biggest rock stars in the history of music.

02:28:37.000 You're a regular guy.

02:28:38.000 Like, the way you're here, you didn't come with an entourage.

02:28:41.000 You just showed up by yourself.

02:28:42.000 Like, hey, what's up?

02:28:43.000 You're like, you're normal, you know? 0.99

02:28:46.000 How the fuck did you maintain that? 0.99

02:28:48.000 I get the balance. 0.99

02:28:50.000 The balance is, you know, a lot of what we're talking about, like in the martial arts and travel and whatnot, is I'm a beginner.

02:28:57.000 I'm not the boss.

02:28:59.000 I'm not the alpha male.

02:29:00.000 You follow when I go to...

02:29:02.000 Train in a class.

02:29:04.000 I'm not the shot caller at all.

02:29:06.000 And I've always had that.

02:29:08.000 I like people in a general sense, being conversant, being able to have conversation, to tell stories and carry on.

02:29:19.000 It's a big part of what I do for a living.

02:29:22.000 You've got to be a people watcher.

02:29:23.000 And if the world is constantly watching you, then everybody alters their behavior.

02:29:28.000 You got to be able to kind of fit in the way a good reporter might.

02:29:34.000 You know, thinking like if you were a wartime reporter, you don't want to wear bright colors.

02:29:39.000 You want to just sort of fit in, blend right in and always be there just a couple inches behind going, you know, I got a couple of questions.

02:29:46.000 If you got a second here, can I ask you about that tank over there?

02:29:49.000 That's a remarkable balance.

02:29:51.000 You've been able to pull that off.

02:29:54.000 Most rock stars, when you meet them, they're just so removed from the general public.

02:29:58.000 It makes the conversations a little awkward.

02:30:01.000 It would make it really awkward, I would think, in terms of what do you have that's mutual?

02:30:07.000 What do you know in your life that's mutual?

02:30:10.000 What are the fascinations?

02:30:12.000 What are your interests?

02:30:15.000 Because that can be pretty diverse.

02:30:18.000 You've got to have a pretty diverse taste in things.

02:30:21.000 Yeah, but your whole personality is such a different sort of take on things.

02:30:25.000 I don't know a lot of people that would just go to Japan for 10 months like that.

02:30:29.000 How old are you?

02:30:31.000 58. 58 years old, boom.

02:30:33.000 You just fly to Japan for a fucking year. 0.99

02:30:35.000 That's not a lot of learning how to sword fight. 1.00

02:30:38.000 I mean, it's fucking crazy. 0.98

02:30:39.000 Yeah, it's eccentric to a degree. 0.99

02:30:44.000 Single, not tied down at all. 0.99

02:30:46.000 Do whatever the fuck you want to do. 1.00

02:30:47.000 You like a goddamn Leonard Skinner song. 1.00

02:30:49.000 You like the breeze. 1.00

02:30:51.000 You don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:30:52.000 You're just out there. 1.00

02:30:53.000 I'm as free as a bird.

02:30:57.000 I mean, like, legitimately, man.

02:30:59.000 That's admirable.

02:31:00.000 And you're loving it.

02:31:01.000 Look at you.

02:31:02.000 You can't be happier.

02:31:02.000 It's not possible to be happier than you.

02:31:05.000 I idle somewhere between not too pissed and somewhat pissed.

02:31:09.000 That's how you idle? 1.00

02:31:11.000 No, you're bullshit. 1.00

02:31:12.000 You said that earlier. 1.00

02:31:13.000 It's like you saying that you're hard to work with.

02:31:15.000 I don't think I'm hard to work with, frankly.

02:31:17.000 No, I'm not hard to work with.

02:31:18.000 I bet you're hard to change.

02:31:20.000 I bet you fight against someone trying to manipulate or direct you.

02:31:25.000 I remember when we were picking for a jury recently about, hey, well, It's a year ago.

02:31:34.000 And they were picking for a murder trial over in the Pasadena courthouse.

02:31:39.000 And the fella says, is there anybody here who isn't going to get themselves disqualified?

02:31:45.000 Is there anybody here who's qualified to try this case?

02:31:49.000 And I was the only one who raised his hand.

02:31:52.000 Really?

02:31:53.000 Yeah.

02:31:54.000 So, you know, I'm willing to listen.

02:31:59.000 And the guy says, okay, sir.

02:32:02.000 He says, I think I know who you are.

02:32:05.000 He says, would you listen to everybody else's idea behind while you're deliberating on this trial?

02:32:12.000 I said, certainly.

02:32:13.000 He said, but you would try to convince them they were wrong if you had another idea, right?

02:32:19.000 And I said, yes, that's accurate.

02:32:21.000 And you dismissed me because of that.

02:32:24.000 You're too charismatic.

02:32:26.000 You're too charismatic.

02:32:27.000 You'd manipulate it in your favor.

02:32:29.000 You're the lever.

02:32:30.000 You're the lever on the bench.

02:32:32.000 It was certainly not my first time in the Pasadena courthouse.

02:32:36.000 You know what our first time was?

02:32:38.000 Alex Van Halen and I had to sue the Mayfield School of the Holy Child of Jesus Incorporated for $125.

02:32:47.000 This was in 1975, I think?

02:32:50.000 1976. 125. What was that about?

02:32:53.000 Well, it was in a contract.

02:32:54.000 We had played a dance.

02:32:57.000 And in the one-page contract, it said there will be no smoking backstage, there will be no marijuana consumed, there will be no drinking, etc., etc.

02:33:07.000 And one of the sisters that was nuns at the time claimed that she smelled pot smoke backstage and refused to pass our $125 for the band. 0.99

02:33:20.000 Angry bitch. 1.00

02:33:21.000 Was she right? 1.00

02:33:22.000 Well, no.

02:33:23.000 There was no pot smoke backstage.

02:33:24.000 So she just made it up?

02:33:26.000 She may have smelled Marlboros.

02:33:28.000 Actually, those were Camel Filters. 0.94

02:33:31.000 But Alex and I went and we bought clip-on ties so we could fool the judge.

02:33:36.000 And we tied our hair back and we went to small claims court and filed.

02:33:40.000 Did you win?

02:33:41.000 Well, what happened was sat in front of the judge.

02:33:45.000 We sat on one side and on the other side, two sisters, two nuns came in and a family, a father, a mother, and three of the daughters in school uniforms.

02:33:55.000 You know, they played it up hard.

02:33:57.000 And the judge says, who filed here?

02:34:00.000 I said, sir, I did.

02:34:01.000 He said, that's $125.

02:34:03.000 And there was no smoking of anything illegal backstage, whatever.

02:34:10.000 And he had one of the nuns stand up and she said, I refuse to pay him because I smelled marijuana smoke.

02:34:17.000 And the judge says, what is your answer to that, sir?

02:34:20.000 And I stood up and I said, sister, how do you know what marijuana smoke smells like?

02:34:28.000 $125 later.

02:34:30.000 That's great.

02:34:31.000 Paid for the t-shirt.

02:34:32.000 Yeah, how would she know? 1.00

02:34:35.000 Silly bitch. 1.00

02:34:36.000 Did you know that that's what they used to have in those incense things when the priest walks down the aisle? 1.00

02:34:41.000 Yes, absolutely.

02:34:43.000 They burn cannabis.

02:34:45.000 Yeah.

02:34:45.000 They used to use cannabis oil.

02:34:47.000 They used to use cannabis oil underneath their religious hats.

02:34:51.000 Yeah, it's common practice.

02:34:53.000 I did not know that.

02:34:54.000 Cannabis was used as a sacrament for a lot of different religions.

02:34:57.000 I did not know that.

02:34:58.000 I thought it was like incense or something.

02:35:00.000 Yeah, it is now.

02:35:01.000 But there's a lot of evidence that cannabis was used in that way.

02:35:07.000 Has Dave Grohl ever contacted you?

02:35:09.000 There was a rumor going back a couple months ago that if they ever put together Nirvana that they would want you as the lead singer.

02:35:17.000 Did you even hear about this or did they ever even contact you about that?

02:35:21.000 Well, there's a whole lot of noise backstage going on at these affairs.

02:35:29.000 And what started it was there was a picture of me with the Jonas Brothers at a Christmas party.

02:35:36.000 And the rumor got started that I was actually going to be in the Jonas Brothers.

02:35:44.000 So I helped to fuel that rumor.

02:35:47.000 Did you?

02:35:48.000 Yes, I did.

02:35:49.000 Did you ever meet Kurt?

02:35:50.000 Were you a fan of Nirvana?

02:35:52.000 Let's stick with the Jonas Brothers.

02:35:56.000 Oh, snap. 0.99

02:35:57.000 No, I did not know the fellas at the time.

02:36:02.000 I've since met Dave, but I don't know the grunge movement so well.

02:36:08.000 But the rumors started backstage at the Henson Recording Studio at a Christmas party.

02:36:14.000 And then a number of people started getting involved in it, you know.

02:36:17.000 Did you spread that rumor at all as well?

02:36:19.000 I did.

02:36:21.000 I put that on the internet.

02:36:24.000 Who am I to get in the way of a good rumor?

02:36:26.000 Now, if someone wants to watch your show, what is the best way to...

02:36:31.000 Is it on iTunes?

02:36:32.000 Yeah, iTunes.com, The Roth Show, DavidLeeRoth.com, the website.

02:36:37.000 You can find us pretty easily here.

02:36:39.000 Yeah, so I'm on davidleyroth.com.

02:36:42.000 What is this?

02:36:44.000 This photograph.

02:36:45.000 What is that of?

02:36:46.000 Just the latest photo.

02:36:48.000 That's something from New York City.

02:36:50.000 What is that thing you're standing in?

02:36:53.000 It's actually a table.

02:36:54.000 Somebody built a table by the water.

02:36:56.000 It's kind of odd looking, huh?

02:36:58.000 It's a dope picture.

02:36:59.000 And your show is also on YouTube as well.

02:37:02.000 Yep.

02:37:02.000 How many episodes have you done so far?

02:37:04.000 We're up to, I think, number 11, and we just passed 2.5 million downloads.

02:37:10.000 So it's time to talk about it.

02:37:11.000 Powerful.

02:37:12.000 Beautiful.

02:37:12.000 It's off and running.

02:37:14.000 Yep.

02:37:14.000 Well, we'll get some people on it, man.

02:37:17.000 Go now, ladies and gentlemen.

02:37:19.000 Go check out davidleroth.com.

02:37:21.000 Go. 0.99

02:37:22.000 Go on iTunes, subscribe, go on YouTube, subscribe, listen, watch, learn, take it all in, bitches. 1.00

02:37:28.000 You've been blessed. 0.97

02:37:29.000 We need to go to Japan and visit.

02:37:31.000 Okay.

02:37:31.000 Well, you know what?

02:37:32.000 I'll probably go if they have a UFC pay-per-view there again.

02:37:38.000 The UFC is doing very well in Japan.

02:37:40.000 So if we do, we'll party, man.

02:37:41.000 I'll bring you down there.

02:37:42.000 We'll get some sushi together. 0.99

02:37:44.000 We'll have a fucking vegetable shinding. 0.99

02:37:45.000 We'll have a great time. 1.00

02:37:46.000 Eat like crocodiles. 1.00

02:37:48.000 Watch some dudes kick some ass. 1.00

02:37:49.000 Hopefully no dudes with no dicks with beat-up chicks. 1.00

02:37:52.000 I don't have to eat my words. 1.00

02:37:54.000 Imagine if I have to call a transgender versus a woman. 0.99

02:37:56.000 Just meeting these people, they're going to be pissed. 0.85

02:37:59.000 Well, listen, man.

02:38:00.000 I told them I support your right to be that person.

02:38:02.000 I have no problem with you and your choices, but...

02:38:05.000 You can't be knocking out chicks in 20 seconds.

02:38:07.000 That sounds like what it would be if a guy was fighting a chick. 1.00

02:38:11.000 You hear about a 20 second knockout?

02:38:13.000 Yeah, that sounds about right. 1.00

02:38:14.000 You're beating up girls, you fuck. 1.00

02:38:16.000 Anyway, powerful David Lee Roth. 1.00

02:38:19.000 Thank you very much, sir.

02:38:20.000 Joe, thank you.

02:38:20.000 It's been an honor.

02:38:21.000 This was a blast.

02:38:23.000 We were looking forward to this for weeks.

02:38:24.000 We're so psyched about today, and it was as good as we could have possibly asked for.

02:38:29.000 If you ever want to do it again, man, please, anytime.

02:38:31.000 You tell me. 0.99

02:38:32.000 We'll start this bitch up in the middle of the night for you. 1.00

02:38:34.000 We'll come down here and crank it over. 0.99

02:38:36.000 Standing.

02:38:37.000 David Lee Roth on Twitter.

02:38:39.000 DavidLeeRoth.com. 1.00

02:38:41.000 Go take it all in, you fucks. 1.00

02:38:43.000 Thanks to Hover. 0.99

02:38:45.000 Thanks for sponsoring our show.

02:38:47.000 Go to Hoverd.com forward slash Rogan and get 10% off your domain name registrations.

02:38:53.000 Thanks also to Squarespace.

02:38:56.000 If you go to Squarespace.com forward slash Joe, you can check it all out.

02:39:02.000 And if you use the offer code Joe2, you can get 10% off your first purchase on new accounts.

02:39:10.000 You try it out.

02:39:11.000 You don't even have to pay for it when you try it out.

02:39:14.000 You can start building a website.

02:39:15.000 If you like it, you decide to purchase, use the offer code JOE2 and get 10% off.

02:39:21.000 All right, we will see you guys back to...

02:39:23.000 No, this Friday night.

02:39:25.000 This Friday night with theoretical physicist Dr. Amit Goswami.

02:39:30.000 I hope I'm saying his name right, but he is a fascinating, fascinating man.

02:39:34.000 And he's going to talk to us about the nature of reality and matter and string theory. 0.99

02:39:40.000 And you're going to want to take notes and you're going to want to be high as fuck. 0.99

02:39:44.000 Okay? 0.99

02:39:45.000 We'll see you guys Friday.

02:39:47.000 God bless.

02:39:48.000 And jihad to you all. 0.67

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 06, 2013

Joe Rogan Experience #333 - David Lee Roth

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Summary

Transcript