The Joe Rogan Experience - February 04, 2014


Joe Rogan Experience #449 - Justin Martindale

Topics
Squarespace zombie kettlebell apocalypse fitness movements and kettlebells Waco massacre waterbeds and magma meth epidemic poppers UFC fight Ronda Rousey vs. Misha Tate fight chest strikes in MMA oil check butt check wrestling oil-check wrestling butt drag oil wrestling rape jokes Kinnison AIDS bit sluts Canadian former defense minister Aliens Ancient Aliens mystery ancient construction mysteries Noah movie
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Justin Martindale
Mentioned
Brian Dunning David Koresh Noah Jamie Kilstein Ronda Rousey Uriah Faber Rick Santorum Valentine Waco Duncan Trussell Jesus Christ Andy Cohen Jerome Hunt Daniel Tosh Liam Neeson Hal Sparks Misha Tate Kinnison Dilbert Chun-Li and 109 more
Joe Rogan Experience #448 - Tom Segura Joe Rogan Experience #450 - Cameron Hanes

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 48 minutes

Words per minute

185.69

Word count

31,357

Sentence count

4,364

Harmful content

Misogyny

221

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,349

sentences flagged

Hate speech

163

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

It's Valentine's Day and we're here to talk about flowers. We talk about why we love them, why we don't like them, and why we would rather eat daisies than pick them up from a bouquet store. We also talk about what it's like to go on a date with a guy who doesn't like flowers and why he doesn't go on dates with a girl who doesn t like flowers. We also discuss why we think flowers are beautiful and why they don't need to be picked up by a guy you're dating or a girl you're going out with on Valentine s Day. And we talk about how we think they should be eaten by other people, not by us. Don't forget to check out 1-800-FLOWERS for a great deal on bouquets for Valentine's day. This deal ends Wednesday, February 5th, only, and only while supplies last. Order 24 stunning multicolored roses for only $29.99! Order now before you're locked out! You don't want to miss this deal! It's available only through Wednesday 5/5/2019, and it's a limited amount! So you need to order now, before supplies run out. You can't ask for more than 24 of these beauties! and you won't get them until they're all gone! XOXO, Joe and Joe Love ya, bye! -P.S. -Joe and Joe and you'll get them later in the new year, so you don't have to have them until next year! . . . xoxo -Joe & Joe - XO -Josie - Joes Joes is a friend of the show - Jake - P.B. . -Jake - OJ - B. B. - JOSIE - KEVIN Jake P. S. - BOBBY - SONGS - TAYLOR - DANNY - YANKEES - GAYS CHEESE - ENJOYING IT'S AVAILABLE? BABOUT? - KELLY? - JOSH - MALAYA - LOUIS - RYAN - AYANNA - EABLES

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:03.000 Hey, everybody. 1.00
00:00:06.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:00:07.000 It's Valentine's Day almost. 1.00
00:00:09.000 It's coming up soon.
00:00:10.000 It's one of those dangerous holidays.
00:00:13.000 We gotta do something.
00:00:14.000 Can't just forget that one.
00:00:16.000 Valentine's is tricky.
00:00:18.000 Do the gays give out the flowers? 0.79
00:00:23.000 Do they give out the flowers the same way the straights? 1.00
00:00:24.000 Do the gays give out the flowers? 0.82
00:00:26.000 The straights must give out the flowers. 0.99
00:00:28.000 It must the gays as well. 0.95
00:00:29.000 I don't know. 0.74
00:00:30.000 I don't go on dates.
00:00:31.000 I say no.
00:00:32.000 The answer is no.
00:00:33.000 We've got confirmation.
00:00:34.000 I mean, either way, they end up dying, you know? 0.99
00:00:38.000 Flowers or the gays? 1.00
00:00:39.000 Both. 0.97
00:00:40.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
00:00:40.000 We all die, flowers and gays. 1.00
00:00:42.000 This is fucking... 1.00
00:00:43.000 Jesus, we're just right off the bat. 1.00
00:00:44.000 I know.
00:00:45.000 We're trying to sell flowers here, fella. 0.99
00:00:46.000 This is a sponsor.
00:00:47.000 1-800-Flowers.com A really cool sponsor.
00:00:50.000 Like, going to the florist, you don't want to get caught in the florist.
00:00:54.000 What happens? 1.00
00:00:54.000 You look like a bitch. 1.00
00:00:55.000 Let's be honest. 1.00
00:00:56.000 If you're a man wandering into a florist, you look like somebody done whooped you, son! 1.00
00:01:01.000 Take care of your shit online. 1.00
00:01:03.000 Keep your hands clean. 1.00
00:01:04.000 Keep it on the DL. This year, really wow her with a beautiful bouquet that she would love from 1-800-Flowers.com, your rose authority.
00:01:17.000 These are beautiful flowers.
00:01:18.000 If you look at some of these bouquets that they sell for Valentine's Day, for whatever, for birthdays, for anything, they're really pretty.
00:01:26.000 I know it's not manly to love flowers, but I do love flowers.
00:01:31.000 I think they're beautiful.
00:01:31.000 They're nature's artwork.
00:01:33.000 Mm-hmm.
00:01:34.000 I don't know what it is about things that are beautiful that give you a feeling.
00:01:39.000 I'm right here, Joe.
00:01:40.000 A beautiful forest.
00:01:42.000 When you see a beautiful sunset.
00:01:44.000 I'm not exactly sure what beauty is.
00:01:47.000 I don't know why it works.
00:01:49.000 I don't know what it is about looking at flowers and making you go, wow.
00:01:54.000 I don't know what it is.
00:01:56.000 I feel the same way when I look at a nice Instagrammed sunset.
00:01:59.000 Yeah, what is that?
00:02:00.000 When you see a sunset in real life, it's way better.
00:02:03.000 But what is it about things that are beautiful?
00:02:07.000 Why would it be evolutionary advantageous for us to be attracted to the look of flowers?
00:02:12.000 Why would it give us such a good feeling?
00:02:14.000 It doesn't really make sense.
00:02:15.000 I don't understand it.
00:02:17.000 I guess you can eat them.
00:02:19.000 You can eat some of them at least.
00:02:21.000 But that's not it.
00:02:22.000 I hate that.
00:02:23.000 I don't want to eat a flower.
00:02:24.000 They're supposed to be pretty good.
00:02:25.000 Yeah, they are.
00:02:26.000 Like in a salad.
00:02:27.000 Yeah, but I mean, just something that's not right.
00:02:30.000 I have roses in my yard and deers eat them.
00:02:32.000 They're always eating my flower.
00:02:35.000 I should say deer.
00:02:35.000 Deer.
00:02:36.000 But I'm unsophisticated.
00:02:38.000 1-800-FLOWER is available through Wednesday, February 5th only. 0.99
00:02:43.000 That's tomorrow, you fucks. 1.00
00:02:45.000 Order 24 stunning multicolored roses for only $29.99. 0.99
00:02:52.000 That's a really awesome deal.
00:02:53.000 Like a rose for less than a buck.
00:02:56.000 24 of them.
00:02:57.000 Bam! 0.98
00:02:58.000 Multicolored.
00:02:59.000 Plus, for just $10 more, you can upgrade them to red roses.
00:03:02.000 I actually think I prefer them multicolored.
00:03:05.000 Yeah, diversity.
00:03:06.000 Some people just love the classics.
00:03:09.000 The classic red.
00:03:10.000 The classic flower.
00:03:11.000 The classic red must be worth more.
00:03:13.000 It's an amazing offer.
00:03:15.000 Two dozen roses for $29.99.
00:03:17.000 This deal ends Wednesday, February 5th.
00:03:20.000 And only while supplies last.
00:03:23.000 So you need to order now before you're locked out, son.
00:03:27.000 You go wandering around picking daisies for her. 1.00
00:03:29.000 And she's like, what, bitch? 1.00
00:03:31.000 Daisies? 1.00
00:03:33.000 Have you ever done that?
00:03:35.000 Have you ever gone on a date or gone over to somebody's house and picked somebody else's flowers?
00:03:39.000 No.
00:03:39.000 No, I never have.
00:03:41.000 No.
00:03:42.000 I don't...
00:03:42.000 I mean, I've definitely bought flowers before.
00:03:45.000 I just can't think of how many times.
00:03:46.000 It hasn't been a lot.
00:03:48.000 But I would, you know...
00:03:49.000 I don't know, man.
00:03:50.000 People are weird about that. 1.00
00:03:51.000 Some people want people to buy them shit. 1.00
00:03:54.000 They would rather you buy them shit than pick up some flowers somewhere that you saw. 0.99
00:03:58.000 Like, I would think if I was a chick and a guy came over and he said, I saw these flowers and they were, you know, in a field, in a wild field, and they were really beautiful, so I thought I'd bring them over. 1.00
00:04:06.000 I would like that even more than someone going to a fucking store where someone's been raising these things. 0.92
00:04:12.000 They're not special, okay? 0.99
00:04:14.000 They're being raised.
00:04:14.000 You want your flowers wild.
00:04:15.000 Yeah, I want them wild.
00:04:16.000 Wild. 1.00
00:04:17.000 The problem is, wildflowers look like shit. 0.99
00:04:20.000 If you want to get some good-looking flowers, you've got to go to 1-800-STAMPS.com and enter in the code word JRE. Click on the radio microphone in the upper right-hand corner and enter in the code JRE. And get yourself this sweet deal. 0.99
00:04:35.000 Available, as I said, Wednesday, February 5th is when it ends.
00:04:40.000 Through Wednesday, February 5th.
00:04:42.000 24 stunning multi-color roses.
00:04:44.000 Only $29.99.
00:04:45.000 And for $10 more, you can upgrade them to red roses. 0.99
00:04:49.000 Alright, you fucks? 0.99
00:04:49.000 So go do that. 0.99
00:04:51.000 Chicks dig it. 0.95
00:04:51.000 I don't understand it either. 0.95
00:04:52.000 But look, you want to get laid, right?
00:04:55.000 You want to keep her happy, right?
00:04:56.000 I don't know if you want to keep her happy.
00:04:58.000 You might not want to.
00:05:00.000 Don't listen to me.
00:05:00.000 Just don't get that baby's breath stuff.
00:05:02.000 That's weird.
00:05:03.000 What is baby's breath?
00:05:05.000 You know what I'm talking about?
00:05:06.000 It's like those little white little things they put in the flowers.
00:05:11.000 You don't like those?
00:05:12.000 No.
00:05:13.000 And it has a weird name. 0.99
00:05:14.000 The gays do not like the baby's breath. 1.00
00:05:15.000 Do not get us baby's breath. 0.99
00:05:17.000 I remember as a kid I thought there was a connection to babies.
00:05:20.000 I know.
00:05:20.000 I thought it was too.
00:05:21.000 I was like, do they steal the breath from babies?
00:05:23.000 What kind of witchcraft is this on Valentine's Day? 0.99
00:05:25.000 We're also brought to you by Squarespace.
00:05:28.000 I got a chance to meet the Squarespace guys this weekend in New York City.
00:05:33.000 Very, very cool guys.
00:05:35.000 So it's nice to actually put a face to a company.
00:05:37.000 The company is excellent.
00:05:40.000 The product, what they sell.
00:05:42.000 They have a website where you can make your own website.
00:05:44.000 And it's easy. 0.85
00:05:45.000 A dummy like myself could do it. 0.85
00:05:47.000 It's all about drag and drop and point and click.
00:05:51.000 Just the regular functions of using a computer.
00:05:53.000 If you know how to open up Microsoft Word, if you know how to, you know... 0.99
00:05:57.000 Fuck around with your iPhoto or whatever. 0.97
00:05:59.000 You can figure out how to use Squarespace. 0.99
00:06:01.000 It's not complicated and it is excellent.
00:06:03.000 And they let you try it before you even buy it.
00:06:08.000 You don't have to enter in your credit card information.
00:06:10.000 Just sign up.
00:06:11.000 Give it a run.
00:06:12.000 Check it out. 0.98
00:06:13.000 And you'll go, oh, this is pretty fucking badass. 1.00
00:06:15.000 And then I'll be like, I told you, bitch. 1.00
00:06:17.000 And then once you do that, you can get 10% off your purchase for a free trial and 10% off your purchase. 0.98
00:06:26.000 If you enter in the code word Joe, that's just J-O-E. No numbers anymore. 0.81
00:06:31.000 Squarespace wisened the fuck up and dropped the stupid numbers after every Joe 1 and Joe 2. Squarespace has beautiful designs for you to start with. 0.85
00:06:42.000 You can start not just creating your own website, but putting on your own online store, including musicians.
00:06:47.000 They have it set up really easily where you can really easily sell digital music from your website.
00:06:54.000 It's cool.
00:06:55.000 It's very dopealicious, and we are very, very happy with this company.
00:07:00.000 That's nice.
00:07:01.000 Nothing but positive reviews from all of our fans and friends that have used it, including...
00:07:07.000 I know Cara Santa Maria organized all of her digital media using Squarespace, and Duncan uses Squarespace.
00:07:16.000 It was funny, because one of the guys was there. 0.99
00:07:17.000 It's like, we got our support ticket for Duncan Trussell, and we were like, wait a minute, what the fuck? 0.98
00:07:21.000 Is that the real Duncan Trussell? 0.99
00:07:23.000 And Duncan Trussell needs to figure out how to do something.
00:07:27.000 Hey, man!
00:07:28.000 24-7 email support.
00:07:30.000 Squarespace.com. 0.98
00:07:32.000 Use the code word JOE and save 10% off, you fucks. 0.96
00:07:37.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com. 0.98
00:07:38.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. It's 2014, freaks. 0.99
00:07:43.000 Did you blow off your New Year's resolution already?
00:07:46.000 Is it already over?
00:07:47.000 Did you already start eating sugar and drinking liquor?
00:07:50.000 Did you stop working out already? 1.00
00:07:54.000 Go to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, and get your fucking life in order. 0.99
00:07:58.000 Get a zombie bell, that's kettlebells that look like zombies, learn how to use them, and prepare for the apocalypse, because Yellowstone is going to blow. 0.99
00:08:07.000 I'm going to talk about that on the podcast today.
00:08:09.000 Massive volcanic activity underneath the caldera volcano at Yellowstone.
00:08:14.000 No!
00:08:15.000 So much that they ran out of red ink. 1.00
00:08:18.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
00:08:20.000 There's so much volcanic activity that the seismograph ran out of ink. 1.00
00:08:24.000 Jesus fucking Luizus. 0.99
00:08:26.000 That's terrifying. 1.00
00:08:28.000 We're gonna go, ladies and gentlemen.
00:08:29.000 Anyway, get yourself a zombie kettlebell to prepare for the apocalypse. 1.00
00:08:33.000 You don't want to be a skinny, weak bitch when the apocalypse comes. 1.00
00:08:36.000 And you don't want to smoke cigarettes either. 1.00
00:08:38.000 So quit the cigarettes and start off light.
00:08:41.000 Don't get nutty, man. 0.88
00:08:42.000 Get yourself like a goblin. 0.96
00:08:43.000 The Brain Goblin one is only 18 pounds. 0.99
00:08:46.000 It seems like it would be too much for a weak bitch like you, but I have confidence that we'll get you a few exercises with 18 pounds and build you up to 35. Most important is learn the functional movements of kettlebells before you use any of these things. 1.00
00:09:01.000 I've said it before.
00:09:02.000 I'll say it a thousand times because I don't want anybody getting hurt.
00:09:04.000 Start off light.
00:09:06.000 Learn how to do it.
00:09:07.000 Either go to a trainer and pay someone to show you correct movement or Be very careful and watch a DVD and watch yourself and maybe even film yourself and watch yourself to see if you're doing the exact same movements as the DVD so you can really make sure that you're not putting any undue stress on any of your joints. 0.99
00:09:24.000 Getting injured when you could have avoided it by being smart is one of the most frustrating things a person can ever experience because you just feel like such a fucking idiot for getting injured doing something that you could have avoided. 0.93
00:09:36.000 We sell all sorts of fitness equipment That benefits functional movement. 0.99
00:09:42.000 And what functional movement is, is not just bodybuilding exercises that make you look better, but things that make your body work as one unit.
00:09:50.000 For the longest time, people didn't understand lifting weights.
00:09:54.000 They would do one body group this day, another body group that day, and that does make your muscles grow bigger.
00:10:00.000 But what it doesn't do is get your muscles used to communicating with each other while doing something and developing your balance and developing your core strength.
00:10:10.000 There's a lot of things that bodybuilding type exercises just don't take care of.
00:10:13.000 That's where kettlebells come in. 1.00
00:10:15.000 It's the most effective way to condition your body with weights.
00:10:18.000 And with a 72-pound kettlebell or two 72-pound kettlebells, you literally, I don't care how big you are, never have to get different kettlebells.
00:10:25.000 72 pounds, you can get ruthless workouts with two 72-pound kettlebells, no matter who you are. 0.98
00:10:31.000 You could be a fucking heavyweight. 0.97
00:10:32.000 You're still going to get a ruthless workout with two sets. 1.00
00:10:34.000 And they'll last forever. 1.00
00:10:36.000 These fucking things are solid metal. 1.00
00:10:38.000 They will be here long after we're gone. 1.00
00:10:41.000 The aliens will find them and they'll try to fucking piece together our shattered civilization. 0.99
00:10:45.000 And they'll try to figure out why we worship zombies and monkeys. 0.97
00:10:48.000 The Primal Bells and the Zombie Kettlebells, all available at Onnit.com, as well as a host of the most nutritious, most beneficial supplements that we can find. 0.81
00:11:00.000 All shit that we use ourself, whether it's hemp force protein powder or organic coconut oil or Himalayan salt or superfoods, like this new supplement that we have that is Earth-Grown Nutrients.
00:11:17.000 All-in-one daily greens mix. 0.98
00:11:20.000 Especially beneficial if you just are too busy to get the perfect diet in, which most people are.
00:11:26.000 Balance yourself out, son!
00:11:28.000 Go to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGEN and save 10% off any and all supplements.
00:11:34.000 Boom, shalak, glug, boom. 0.98
00:11:36.000 All right, my friends.
00:11:38.000 Mad love.
00:11:40.000 Justin Mondale's here. 1.00
00:11:41.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:11:43.000 The Joe Rogan Experience. 1.00
00:11:48.000 We're good to go.
00:11:53.000 We're good to go.
00:12:01.000 We're good to go.
00:12:15.000 Apparently, Yellowstone's volcano has been active today.
00:12:18.000 By the way, I read one website about this.
00:12:20.000 Didn't verify it at all.
00:12:23.000 Not only that, I don't want to verify it because what if they're wrong?
00:12:27.000 And then I can't freak out for the day.
00:12:29.000 Yeah.
00:12:29.000 No reason to freak out.
00:12:30.000 What time is it?
00:12:31.000 It's only 1220. Let's wait for a panic attack around like 3, shall we?
00:12:35.000 Yeah, I wonder.
00:12:37.000 I'll probably have to look at some other websites and see if this is actually accurate.
00:12:40.000 Because I've been reading a bunch of things on Fukushima.
00:12:42.000 It's kind of interesting.
00:12:43.000 I was reading all about radiation and fish and everything.
00:12:47.000 But then there's a scientist that I was reading.
00:12:49.000 They caught a halibut from right offshore from Fukushima.
00:12:52.000 And they tested it and it was okay to eat. 0.97
00:12:55.000 Liars. 0.52
00:12:56.000 My dad owned me. 0.96
00:12:57.000 I was like, I wish I could go back to Japan.
00:12:59.000 And he's like, why wouldn't you go back to Japan?
00:13:01.000 And I'm like, well, you know, the radiation.
00:13:03.000 He goes, you know there's people that work.
00:13:04.000 Around that radiation plant.
00:13:07.000 They can only work there like five days in a row, but they have to get out of there before it starts affecting them. 0.98
00:13:11.000 But it's not like you're going to go over there and be shitting. 0.98
00:13:15.000 No, Brian, they're mutants now. 0.99
00:13:16.000 They have powers. 1.00
00:13:17.000 Yeah, you don't know shit. 1.00
00:13:19.000 Yeah, you're wrong. 0.99
00:13:20.000 Here's a thing about the Yellowstone thing, though.
00:13:23.000 No, is this today?
00:13:24.000 This is today.
00:13:25.000 Yeah.
00:13:27.000 I'm reading about Yellowstone volcanic activity.
00:13:30.000 So what are they saying?
00:13:31.000 Here, let me...
00:13:32.000 There's actually...
00:13:34.000 Okay.
00:13:36.000 Is this the newest?
00:13:38.000 Yeah, hold on.
00:13:39.000 Yeah, Jesus Christ.
00:13:41.000 Huge magma pocket lurks beneath Yellowstone's supervolcano.
00:13:45.000 Not a magma pocket.
00:13:47.000 A large earthquake at Yellowstone is much more likely than a volcanic eruption, they said. 0.99
00:13:54.000 God damn it. 0.99
00:13:55.000 Just let me shoot a pilot, you know? 1.00
00:13:57.000 That's all I wanted. 0.99
00:13:58.000 It's so close.
00:13:59.000 It's supposed to be this month.
00:14:00.000 Just let me hit syndication.
00:14:02.000 Just let me get something.
00:14:03.000 Jesus.
00:14:05.000 35 seismic stations send information continuously from the park to their lab at the University of Utah.
00:14:14.000 Within Yellowstone is a caldera or volcano hole 50 miles across, so big you can't see it from the ground.
00:14:24.000 A little below the surface is a pool of molten rock called magma, as shown in this 60 minutes graphic.
00:14:31.000 Heat from the magma drives Yellowstone's geysers, such as Old Faithful.
00:14:44.000 By the way, hold on.
00:14:45.000 Pause this for a second.
00:14:47.000 Pause this. 1.00
00:14:48.000 That guy fucking freaks me out just by the way he talks! 0.99
00:14:50.000 Yeah, I was like, stop saying magma! 0.99
00:14:52.000 Why are you talking about magma that way?
00:14:55.000 Can you imagine if the guy was over your house and be like, oh my god, I have a crazy person over my house.
00:14:59.000 Look how they're talking to me.
00:15:00.000 What's for Tanner?
00:15:02.000 This is where the volcano's gonna kill us all!
00:15:06.000 Mitchie wanted to make the volcano under Yost.
00:15:08.000 Yeah, he's much more animated than that guy.
00:15:10.000 He's like the worst, like, fourth grade teacher ever.
00:15:13.000 Science teacher.
00:15:14.000 The potential is...
00:15:17.000 2,000 times the force of Mount St. Helens.
00:15:20.000 This is a new study from the University of Utah.
00:15:23.000 The hot molten rock between Yellowstone, beneath Yellowstone, is two and a half times larger than previously estimated.
00:15:30.000 Oh my God.
00:15:32.000 I watched a doom and gloom documentary on Yellowstone that freaked me out about seven years ago.
00:15:36.000 And now they've got new findings that it's twice as bad as they thought it was.
00:15:41.000 Ugh, what is this?
00:15:42.000 30,000 years ago, no one knows if or when it will erupt again, but if it does, it'll be big.
00:15:50.000 Ash comes all the way to Salt Lake or Denver.
00:15:53.000 Researchers think they'll see the eruption coming.
00:15:56.000 We believe we'd have a bit of warning if there was going to be a volcanic eruption in Yellowstone.
00:16:03.000 I'm going somewhere.
00:16:06.000 I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere.
00:16:07.000 I think Australia.
00:16:08.000 That's a good one.
00:16:09.000 That's the move.
00:16:10.000 That's a beautiful prison colony.
00:16:11.000 They're nice people.
00:16:13.000 They like to party.
00:16:14.000 They're smart.
00:16:15.000 It's a smart country.
00:16:17.000 If this happens, is it going to trigger the big one here?
00:16:20.000 That's something to think about, too.
00:16:22.000 That doesn't matter, man.
00:16:23.000 Do you understand how big this is? 0.99
00:16:24.000 If this fucker blows, it's like, from what that guy said, he said like 50 miles across, but I've read that it's much larger than that. 0.99
00:16:31.000 It's a super volcano, yeah. 1.00
00:16:33.000 Yeah, I've read that it was like the entire base of the crater was something nutty, like 300 kilometers, like something insane.
00:16:40.000 Apparently, if this thing blows, it kills most of the animals on the continent.
00:16:45.000 It's not just gonna be like an issue for people that live around Yellowstone.
00:16:49.000 It's gonna be an issue for people that live in Portugal.
00:16:51.000 It's gonna be an issue for China. 0.99
00:16:53.000 It's gonna be an issue for the whole planet.
00:16:55.000 It'll cause like a giant cloud that will cover the sky and probably kill off like a lot of people and animals.
00:17:02.000 It's probably gonna kill most people.
00:17:04.000 Will it kill off gluten?
00:17:06.000 It won't kill off sugar, gluten, or...
00:17:09.000 Kale, it'll...
00:17:10.000 Yeah, you can't buy any more organic.
00:17:12.000 Oh, God!
00:17:13.000 There'll be no organic.
00:17:14.000 Everything will be done in these things underground with light bulbs.
00:17:18.000 Everything will be nuclear power.
00:17:20.000 Yeah, fake light and nuclear power.
00:17:22.000 We'll all be living underground.
00:17:23.000 Cave pirates. 1.00
00:17:24.000 There's a bunch of fucking people. 1.00
00:17:25.000 Duncan interviewed this guy for the sci-fi show where he went and talked to this dude who's got this organized retreat underground. 1.00
00:17:34.000 A doomsday lair?
00:17:35.000 I think it was Utah, yeah.
00:17:36.000 I forget where it was, but Homeboy had, like, you drove into it.
00:17:40.000 It was like a bomb shelter.
00:17:41.000 Wow.
00:17:42.000 He drove into it with buses and these tunnels, and then they had oxygen machines, and they were setting up a whole colony in there where they were going to grow food.
00:17:51.000 This is where they were going to store their supplies.
00:17:53.000 This is where they were going to have their recreation room, and they were going to have a daycare there. 1.00
00:17:58.000 This one dude was, I think, basically thinking about getting together a group of women and fucking them all and killing off the husbands. 1.00
00:18:06.000 I'm not a cult leader. 1.00
00:18:07.000 Yeah.
00:18:08.000 I'm just a guy with a bomb shelter.
00:18:10.000 Yeah, come on. 0.77
00:18:10.000 Who doesn't have a good bomb shelter these days? 0.77
00:18:13.000 That's the best way to be a cult leader.
00:18:14.000 Ladies, come on in. 1.00
00:18:15.000 If you were right, though, dudes who wanted to be a cult leader would be so psyched for the apocalypse. 1.00
00:18:20.000 Like, fuck yeah! 1.00
00:18:21.000 Now I'm running shit! 1.00
00:18:23.000 There's no more law, there's no more rules, the internet's down, fuck yeah! 1.00
00:18:27.000 I can trick these dummies. 1.00
00:18:28.000 I can wear this eye patch and look hardcore. 0.99
00:18:31.000 It's hard as fuck to trick people in 2014. If you go making some shit up and starting some new religion and then they go, well, let me Google search this guy. 0.99
00:18:41.000 And you Google him, he's a fucking con man. 1.00
00:18:43.000 That's not going to go far. 1.00
00:18:45.000 But Joseph Smith was a con man. 0.88
00:18:47.000 Joseph Smith was a con man and he started Mormonism. 0.98
00:18:50.000 If you try to do that today, people will be like, dude, I Googled you last night. 1.00
00:18:54.000 Fuck off. 1.00
00:18:55.000 That's the best response to anything. 1.00
00:18:56.000 I googled you. 1.00
00:18:58.000 Dude, fuck off. 1.00
00:18:59.000 I know what you're talking about. 1.00
00:19:00.000 You're all bullshit, man. 1.00
00:19:01.000 You didn't find no golden tablets. 1.00
00:19:02.000 Or it's like the Branch Davidians and those guys.
00:19:06.000 Well, the Waco one is really spooky because the government killed those people.
00:19:10.000 I've been there.
00:19:11.000 I don't know if they attacked first.
00:19:16.000 I don't know what the exact situation was.
00:19:18.000 But I know they lied about what they did.
00:19:20.000 Because they rode over those buildings with tanks and shot fire into those buildings.
00:19:24.000 And tear gas and stuff.
00:19:27.000 Yeah.
00:19:27.000 You can see the videos of it.
00:19:30.000 I think it's called Rules of Engagement?
00:19:33.000 Is that what it is?
00:19:34.000 Let me make sure that that's what it is.
00:19:36.000 I think that's the documentary.
00:19:38.000 Rules of Engagement.
00:19:41.000 But it's all about Waco.
00:19:43.000 It's about what the...
00:19:43.000 Yeah.
00:19:44.000 That's...
00:19:45.000 Yeah.
00:19:48.000 But those... 1.00
00:19:49.000 I mean, they were definitely fucking crazy people. 1.00
00:19:52.000 Waco, The Rules of Engagement. 1.00
00:19:54.000 That's the name of the documentary.
00:19:55.000 You can find it on...
00:19:57.000 It's on YouTube.
00:19:58.000 The full version of it is on YouTube.
00:20:00.000 So just Google Waco, W-A-C-O, and if you're interested, watch it. 0.87
00:20:04.000 It's pretty fucking interesting, man. 0.97
00:20:07.000 It's creepy. 0.98
00:20:08.000 I've been there. 0.99
00:20:09.000 They killed the fuck out of those people. 0.99
00:20:10.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:20:11.000 They had guns.
00:20:12.000 They have the foundation of the building, and it says, the most televised massacre in the world.
00:20:17.000 And it spray paints...
00:20:20.000 Arrows in each direction on the tablet, on the foundation, where it's like, oh, CNN was here.
00:20:25.000 And, you know, Fox News was here.
00:20:27.000 Like, how it was all televised for everyone to see.
00:20:30.000 Yeah, I mean, that is what happened.
00:20:32.000 They massacred those people.
00:20:33.000 And they did it right in front of everybody.
00:20:35.000 It's really interesting.
00:20:37.000 I mean, it was a 51-day siege. 0.99
00:20:38.000 And at the end of the 51 days, they were like, E-fuck, enough. 0.99
00:20:42.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:20:43.000 But it's fascinating because I can't side with that dude.
00:20:47.000 You know, I can't side with Koresh. 0.99
00:20:49.000 You know, he's obviously a cult leader. 1.00
00:20:51.000 He's obviously one of those charismatic weirdos that was fucking all the women. 1.00
00:20:55.000 He was having sex with all the women. 1.00
00:20:57.000 And the kids, too. 1.00
00:20:58.000 Some of the kids.
00:21:00.000 I don't know if that's true.
00:21:01.000 Kids having kids.
00:21:02.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 0.63
00:21:04.000 I'm not saying that he was a great guy and he should still be around running his cult, but the way to handle it might not be smashing buildings, tanks, shooting fire, and killing, and cooking kids.
00:21:17.000 I mean, they cooked everybody.
00:21:19.000 Yeah, they nuked them, not nuked them, but...
00:21:20.000 They killed everybody that was in that building.
00:21:22.000 And they had tunnels down there, too.
00:21:23.000 They had tunnels underground and all that, so they smoked them all out.
00:21:27.000 Yeah, how many people died at Waco?
00:21:32.000 Happy Tuesday, how many people died?
00:21:36.000 I'm gonna say a hundred.
00:21:38.000 I'll say more.
00:21:41.000 Siri, how many people died in Waco?
00:21:42.000 I'm sorry.
00:21:44.000 Who?
00:21:45.000 What?
00:21:46.000 Stop creeping me out, Joe Brogan.
00:21:49.000 76. Oh, 76?
00:21:51.000 Yeah, that's a lot.
00:21:52.000 I thought more, yeah.
00:21:53.000 Do you imagine 76 bodies stacked up on top of each other?
00:21:56.000 No, not really.
00:21:57.000 Man.
00:21:59.000 That is crazy.
00:22:00.000 The ATF failed to raid the compound, so the FBI jumped in.
00:22:05.000 So apparently they had been shooting back and forth at each other.
00:22:08.000 Yeah, I remember that.
00:22:09.000 Oh, God.
00:22:09.000 I remember seeing that in the windows and stuff.
00:22:12.000 You can't shoot at the cops, dummy. 0.61
00:22:13.000 Yeah. 0.95
00:22:14.000 In my culture, can. 1.00
00:22:16.000 I mean, there's a certain amount of bullshit that they're not going to tolerate. 0.99
00:22:22.000 You can't shoot at cops. 1.00
00:22:24.000 Where did it go wrong? 0.99
00:22:26.000 That's where they fucking roll over your buildings with tanks. 0.98
00:22:29.000 That's when they did that. 0.99
00:22:30.000 It's interesting because I had seen like Bill Hicks used to have a bit on it, you know, about the United States were liars and murderers because you could watch the video of them rolling tanks through these buildings and blowing fire out of the end of the tanks.
00:22:47.000 And it wasn't like a funny bit.
00:22:49.000 It was more like, you know, he had some bits that were really just sort of, he was showing you, like, this is what you're dealing with.
00:22:57.000 These are the kind of thugs you're dealing with.
00:22:59.000 They blew fire.
00:23:00.000 But then you look at the other side, and you go, well, they're shooting at cops. 1.00
00:23:03.000 They're fucking kids. 1.00
00:23:05.000 The guy plays a really shitty guitar. 1.00
00:23:07.000 They just like to party, you know? 0.80
00:23:09.000 Yeah. 0.82
00:23:09.000 He's banging everybody's wife, and he's got guns, and he shoots at cops. 0.82
00:23:12.000 And they're like, oh.
00:23:13.000 Oh, right, yeah.
00:23:14.000 Okay, run him over.
00:23:16.000 Alright, what about the kids? 1.00
00:23:17.000 These kids are gonna grow up to be assholes. 1.00
00:23:19.000 Good point. 1.00
00:23:20.000 Little inbred misfit fraggles. 0.96
00:23:22.000 Have you ever seen him sing? 0.98
00:23:24.000 Pull up David Koresh.
00:23:25.000 David Koresh singing.
00:23:28.000 David Koresh.
00:23:30.000 David Koresh sings the blues, an all-new Time Life classic.
00:23:33.000 Let's see if you can see yourself.
00:23:36.000 The worst moments of your life. 1.00
00:23:38.000 Could you see yourself falling for any of this bullshit? 1.00
00:23:43.000 Now that's what I call Koresh! 1.00
00:23:47.000 I just want him to have like an album release party.
00:23:50.000 Put aside what you know or think you know about David Koresh.
00:23:56.000 Listen to his words recorded just before his death and the death of his entire family.
00:24:03.000 Oh, they have a video of him.
00:24:06.000 Hmm.
00:24:07.000 How many of us have said the same thing?
00:24:09.000 Pull this up.
00:24:10.000 David Koresh tells the truth about Waco.
00:24:13.000 This is a video of them right before the feds stormed the building and cooked everybody.
00:24:21.000 It was the most entertaining thing Waco has ever seen, I'm sure.
00:24:24.000 Well, you know, a lot of people went down there when the standoff was going on, and they were, like, hanging out with the cops, like, watching.
00:24:31.000 It was a spectacle. 0.85
00:24:32.000 Which is fucking really odd. 0.96
00:24:35.000 Especially when you find out how it turned out. 0.97
00:24:37.000 Yeah.
00:24:38.000 Like, that's really odd.
00:24:38.000 What you're actually watching.
00:24:40.000 You got it?
00:24:41.000 David Koresh tells the truth about Waco.
00:24:45.000 It's him inside the Branch Davidian...
00:24:49.000 I mean, it's really creepy because I think he'd already been shot by the time they did this.
00:24:55.000 Listen to his words recorded just before his death and the death of his entire family.
00:24:59.000 Jesus, so dramatic.
00:25:01.000 How many of us have said the same thing?
00:25:05.000 You know, it's not against law to buy a firearm.
00:25:11.000 It's not against law to buy anything that they sell at a gun show.
00:25:17.000 And when this is all resolved, you know, hey, yellow sheet is legal.
00:25:26.000 The accusation is not.
00:25:29.000 Ugh, I can't listen to it.
00:25:31.000 Bringing these tanks and stuff around here, I tell you what, being an American first, I'm the kind of guy that I'll stand in front of a tank, you can run over me, He's awesome.
00:25:52.000 Walmart?
00:25:56.000 Yeah.
00:26:07.000 I was honest with him.
00:26:08.000 I brought him into my home.
00:26:09.000 He was going to stay here for two weeks.
00:26:11.000 All this stuff you guys may want to avoid and deny, you know?
00:26:16.000 You know, he wanted to tour around the place.
00:26:18.000 I promised him a tour.
00:26:19.000 He could have talked to any of these guys around here, anybody.
00:26:22.000 He was free to come and go as he chose.
00:26:26.000 And I do not appreciate it and never will I ever appreciate somebody coming here with two helicopters and cattle trailers and all that.
00:26:35.000 And pushing people around with guns.
00:26:37.000 Hey, I'll meet you at the doorstep any day.
00:26:40.000 You know, and somebody will get hurt.
00:26:42.000 If you want to keep playing that game, I'm talking to you.
00:26:46.000 Somebody's going to get hurt.
00:26:48.000 Because this ain't America anymore when the ATF has that kind of power to come into anybody's home and kick doors down and things like that.
00:26:57.000 Now, I do understand.
00:27:00.000 Someone reminded me of this.
00:27:01.000 I do understand that one of the officers says his gun went off on accident.
00:27:05.000 And that, you know, that was just like a signal and all that, you know?
00:27:08.000 But look, besides the point, ATF, you boys are wrong.
00:27:14.000 Your practices, your habits, yeah.
00:27:18.000 Drug dealers, fine. 1.00
00:27:20.000 You know, but even, there's always a question, if there's any question whatsoever, the kids or women are involved, damn you, I tell you what, you keep your damn gun in your holster. 1.00
00:27:32.000 You send a couple of big, brave, Invincible kind of men, you let them knock on the door. 0.98
00:27:37.000 If they're so damn involved to where they can risk their lives with the name of the wall, then send them up bulletproof, put them in some kind of knight armor or whatever, and let them knock on the door and ask the questions first.
00:27:52.000 But no one's going to expect me, when they come busting in on my door with guns drawn and pointed in the air, and someone fired me, that I'm going to lay down and die for anybody. 0.99
00:28:05.000 You know what's fucked? 0.95
00:28:07.000 Part of what he's saying, you shouldn't come in to people's houses if you have any questions with guns drawn, if there's women and children. 0.99
00:28:15.000 He's like, that makes a good point.
00:28:16.000 Why not wear a bulletproof outfit?
00:28:19.000 You know, wouldn't that be like a more, you know, have a bunch of people with bulletproof outfits. 1.00
00:28:24.000 Don't storm into the house with fucking guns. 1.00
00:28:26.000 With kids and... 1.00
00:28:27.000 Look, he's obviously a redneck. 0.87
00:28:29.000 He's Kenny Powers.
00:28:29.000 Yeah, he looks, yeah, he definitely loves Walmart.
00:28:32.000 He's Kenny Powers.
00:28:33.000 Yeah, he gets his...
00:28:34.000 He's the Kenny Powers evangelist.
00:28:37.000 But here's the question, man.
00:28:39.000 Okay, if a guy, let's say there's some guy, some slick-talking guy, and he finds some sad girls, and the two girls live with him, and he has this harem of these two girls, his two girlfriends.
00:28:49.000 He takes them everywhere, and they make a show of it Hugh Hefner style.
00:28:52.000 He's kissing them all out in public.
00:28:55.000 Alright, that's okay.
00:28:57.000 Hold on a second.
00:28:58.000 I think you pitched a show for Bravo right now.
00:29:00.000 I think that's actually really good.
00:29:02.000 Is it a new show?
00:29:03.000 This guy moves in with two girls.
00:29:05.000 They're lost.
00:29:06.000 They're lost and sad.
00:29:07.000 They can't afford food.
00:29:08.000 Yeah.
00:29:08.000 So this guy...
00:29:09.000 Mine fucks them. 1.00
00:29:11.000 Erases their memories. 1.00
00:29:13.000 What I'm saying is, when does it become a cult?
00:29:17.000 If you've got two gals, that's okay. 1.00
00:29:20.000 Everybody's like, well, it's just an eccentric lifestyle.
00:29:23.000 It's polyamorous, right?
00:29:24.000 What if you have 30 of them, and it's you and your five friends, and you all swap wives, and you live in a place, and you're gun enthusiasts?
00:29:32.000 Then you're getting into the learning channel right now.
00:29:34.000 That's exactly what that is.
00:29:36.000 All you think about is TV, dude.
00:29:37.000 I mean, I'm thinking shows, and I'm like, dollar signs, Joe.
00:29:41.000 We've got two days to live before the magma piles up on our bodies.
00:29:45.000 Money's not worth anything anymore.
00:29:46.000 You need bitcoins.
00:29:47.000 I don't know.
00:29:48.000 That is an interesting thing.
00:29:49.000 It's like the...
00:29:52.000 God, where is that?
00:29:53.000 We were driving by that place.
00:29:56.000 It is like a Mormon or one of those big love plots where everything's boarded up and they have no outlet to society. 0.85
00:30:06.000 When do you go, hmm, this sounds like a great idea?
00:30:10.000 As long as it's old, it's okay.
00:30:12.000 It can be very cult-like.
00:30:13.000 It can be like the Amish.
00:30:15.000 Quakers.
00:30:16.000 That's fine.
00:30:17.000 Quakers are fine.
00:30:18.000 As long as it's old.
00:30:19.000 Yeah, but if it's like creepy...
00:30:21.000 Well, no. 0.95
00:30:22.000 Amish are creepy. 1.00
00:30:23.000 Well, you know. 0.97
00:30:24.000 They don't even use electricity. 0.99
00:30:25.000 That's creepy as fuck. 0.99
00:30:25.000 But they make their own butter. 0.99
00:30:26.000 That's so cute.
00:30:27.000 That is kind of cute.
00:30:29.000 It's kind of cute. 0.99
00:30:30.000 Their outfits are ridiculous. 1.00
00:30:31.000 Yeah, it's really dumb. 1.00
00:30:32.000 Massive restriction on their activities. 0.95
00:30:34.000 But they've been around a long time, so it's okay.
00:30:37.000 But if, like, Justin Martindale decided to start the Martindales, and this is your new religion, the religion of the Martindales.
00:30:44.000 The Martindalians, yeah.
00:30:45.000 Dress up like they're a band member in Devo.
00:30:47.000 Mm-hmm.
00:30:48.000 You know? 1.00
00:30:49.000 Yeah, fucking... 1.00
00:30:50.000 You have a bunch of specific shit you make them all do, and everyone lives in this gated community. 1.00
00:30:56.000 Fucking feds would come and knock on your door. 1.00
00:30:58.000 Where are you getting the ecstasy? 1.00
00:30:59.000 What ecstasy?
00:31:00.000 What are you talking about?
00:31:00.000 I'm just grinding my teeth.
00:31:01.000 I love it. 1.00
00:31:02.000 What the fuck is going on? 0.99
00:31:02.000 I'm hydrated. 0.99
00:31:03.000 Who are you?
00:31:03.000 I pay taxes.
00:31:04.000 Get the fuck off me. 1.00
00:31:06.000 Next thing you know, you'd be getting arrested. 1.00
00:31:08.000 You'd be having too much fun. 0.99
00:31:09.000 But if it was just you living with a couple of dudes, partying it up all the time, no one would say shit. 0.99
00:31:14.000 If three guys share a house and they just have parties all the time and they like to go dancing and they like to eat and go drink and bring people home and have more parties, nobody gives a fuck. 0.99
00:31:24.000 Yeah, that's just called Palm Springs. 0.98
00:31:25.000 Exactly.
00:31:25.000 That's a house.
00:31:26.000 It's fine. 0.74
00:31:27.000 There's nothing wrong with it as long as your neighbors don't freak the fuck out. 0.71
00:31:31.000 Once the neighbors freak out.
00:31:33.000 But if you have 50 guys, and they all lived in these five houses that you had fenced in, that would be a real issue.
00:31:40.000 There's 10 guys in each house, and they grow their own food. 0.99
00:31:44.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:31:45.000 Oh, that's weird. 1.00
00:31:46.000 Oh, these fucks. 1.00
00:31:47.000 They have solar backups. 1.00
00:31:49.000 They have generators.
00:31:50.000 They seem to be digging a well. 0.99
00:31:52.000 Oh, we gotta fucking stop this. 1.00
00:31:53.000 Anti-American. 0.99
00:31:54.000 What are they trying to do?
00:31:54.000 You trying to get off the grid?
00:31:55.000 Huh? 1.00
00:31:56.000 What are you doing on here, you fucks? 1.00
00:31:57.000 Trying to be self-sustaining? 1.00
00:31:58.000 Growing their own weed?
00:31:59.000 Oh, no.
00:32:00.000 Probably.
00:32:00.000 That's what everybody looks for.
00:32:02.000 That's what everyone's doing these days.
00:32:03.000 There's a great story about these CIA agents that got arrested because the DEA thought that they were growing weed and they were actually growing tomatoes.
00:32:12.000 That's funny.
00:32:12.000 Because they go by their house with those scanners.
00:32:15.000 Oh.
00:32:15.000 To pick up the scent or something?
00:32:18.000 No, the scanner, they have those in Denver now, but apparently they're being ruled unconstitutional or there's some sort of a dispute about them.
00:32:25.000 No, these are some things they use outside to find out how much electricity the house is using.
00:32:32.000 Oh, I see.
00:32:32.000 If you have a series of glow lights, or grow lights, rather, it'll give off a very specific signal outside the house.
00:32:42.000 They can find out if you're growing things. 0.99
00:32:44.000 So they knew these guys were growing things, so they came in, broke in their house, and found out they have fucking tomatoes. 0.99
00:32:49.000 They were using those lights for the tomato plants. 0.99
00:32:51.000 Yeah.
00:32:52.000 People are just so bored now.
00:32:53.000 Who's growing weed? 1.00
00:32:54.000 Yeah, I'll pull up the story, because it's so fucking stupid. 1.00
00:32:59.000 It hurts your brain. 1.00
00:33:00.000 That would be amazing to be those people.
00:33:01.000 They're like, they're tomatoes. 1.00
00:33:03.000 Yeah, they have fucking... 1.00
00:33:04.000 What are you doing? 0.99
00:33:06.000 And it happens all the time, by the way.
00:33:08.000 There's a bunch of stories online...
00:33:11.000 You can find them all over the place where people are busted from growing tomatoes.
00:33:17.000 My brother-in-law was growing tomatoes in the basement.
00:33:21.000 I mean, people do it all the time, especially on the East Coast.
00:33:24.000 You have a piece of your basement, you set up some lights, you can have food.
00:33:27.000 Why wouldn't you do it? 0.98
00:33:29.000 But this is a funny fucking story because it's two former CIA employees. 0.99
00:33:33.000 They're in Kansas. 0.99
00:33:34.000 Their home was broken down and searched for a two-state drug sweep claim.
00:33:42.000 They were illegal.
00:33:43.000 That's hilarious.
00:33:43.000 Wait, so they were ex-CAA and homeless?
00:33:47.000 No, what are you talking about?
00:33:48.000 I thought you said homeless.
00:33:49.000 No, no, no.
00:33:50.000 Their home was.
00:33:52.000 Oh, homeless.
00:33:52.000 Their home was invaded.
00:33:55.000 I was like, these are just homeless people invading someone's house. 1.00
00:33:57.000 This is how stupid this idea of the drug war is and this war on plants. 0.99
00:34:03.000 Their operation, the operation was Operation Constant Gardener. 1.00
00:34:09.000 God.
00:34:10.000 Operation Constant Gardener.
00:34:11.000 Yeah, people are growing plants. 0.86
00:34:13.000 Is it okay to grow things?
00:34:14.000 No.
00:34:14.000 No, it's not.
00:34:15.000 Stop creating life.
00:34:16.000 No, it's not.
00:34:17.000 We decide it's not.
00:34:18.000 Operation Home and Gardens.
00:34:19.000 So we will most think about all the different things you can grow that aren't illegal, okay? 0.99
00:34:26.000 And then if you're growing something, we assume it's illegal, and we have the right to break down your fucking door. 0.98
00:34:32.000 We've lost a lot of rights, folks. 0.99
00:34:34.000 We've lost a lot of rights.
00:34:36.000 That's really weird.
00:34:39.000 It's really weird.
00:34:41.000 I mean, these dummies are doing this to ex-CIA agents. 0.86
00:34:44.000 God. 0.88
00:34:45.000 We found plants!
00:34:49.000 Tomatoes.
00:34:49.000 Yeah.
00:34:50.000 It's fucking stupid, man. 1.00
00:34:52.000 It's a stupid, stupid, stupid situation. 1.00
00:34:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:34:57.000 Fucking dumbasses. 1.00
00:34:58.000 That's why I used to grow my weed underneath my waterbed, like the floor underneath it. 1.00
00:35:02.000 Of course you did.
00:35:03.000 It doesn't matter.
00:35:04.000 They would still find it.
00:35:06.000 You'd have enough room.
00:35:07.000 You'd have the shittiest weed ever. 0.81
00:35:09.000 It's like farts, too. 0.53
00:35:13.000 Waterbeds and farts.
00:35:14.000 Waterbeds and farts.
00:35:15.000 I always like the way waterbeds smell, though.
00:35:17.000 They're weird to sleep in, man, because they're like a womb.
00:35:20.000 I remember when I lived in Boston. 1.00
00:35:22.000 They're bad for fucking, though. 1.00
00:35:24.000 The only way you get a good fuck on in a waterbed is you got to get in a corner. 1.00
00:35:27.000 That makes sense. 0.99
00:35:28.000 You got to brace your legs, one leg on each side, and you got to...
00:35:32.000 You gotta figure out how to ride the sloshing.
00:35:35.000 This is gonna be a lot of sloshing.
00:35:37.000 Even if you have those waterbeds that have baffles in them, like a lot of them have baffles in them, so they only wiggle a little, it's not quite the same. 0.99
00:35:44.000 Once you get a good fuck on and like a real solid bed, like a Tempur-Pedic, one that's got a good fucking give to it. 0.97
00:35:51.000 Is there Tempur-Pedic waterbeds? 1.00
00:35:52.000 No, there's Tempur-Pedic beds, regular beds.
00:35:54.000 You don't even pay attention to anything.
00:35:55.000 You're thinking about pilots.
00:35:56.000 No, I don't.
00:35:57.000 You're thinking about putting together shows.
00:35:58.000 No, because that would be amazing.
00:35:59.000 That would be the best bed ever, because I'm thinking water beds are the most uncomfortable beds ever.
00:36:03.000 No, they're not.
00:36:03.000 No, they're not.
00:36:04.000 Yeah, they are.
00:36:04.000 Awesome.
00:36:05.000 I had a bad water bed.
00:36:06.000 That was just me then.
00:36:08.000 Uncomfortable to you.
00:36:09.000 How about that?
00:36:10.000 Yeah.
00:36:10.000 But was it one of those ones where you sink right to the middle?
00:36:12.000 Yeah.
00:36:12.000 Yeah, those are the problems.
00:36:14.000 That's what we're talking about, like baffles.
00:36:16.000 You know what baffles mean?
00:36:17.000 There's a bunch of different compartments.
00:36:18.000 It's still a waterbed, but there's many different compartments, not just one big one that wiggles around.
00:36:23.000 There's like, you know, hundreds of them.
00:36:25.000 So you sit in it and you would just wiggle just sort of a tiny little bit.
00:36:29.000 Kind of a small wiggle.
00:36:29.000 Yeah, just a tiny little bit.
00:36:31.000 But the heat off of the waterbed is what's fascinating.
00:36:34.000 Because it gives you this weird, like, deep sleep feeling.
00:36:38.000 Like you're in a womb.
00:36:40.000 Like in the, yeah, in utero. 0.99
00:36:42.000 But I fucked up once and my heater stopped or something. 0.98
00:36:44.000 I don't remember. 0.97
00:36:45.000 It was a long time ago. 0.99
00:36:46.000 But you get so fucking cold. 0.97
00:36:49.000 If you're sleeping over a waterbed and the heater breaks, you could get hypothermia or something. 1.00
00:36:55.000 Titanic shit. 1.00
00:36:56.000 Yeah, you freeze your dick off. 1.00
00:36:58.000 Like, I'm sitting there going, I can't believe how fucking cold this is. 1.00
00:37:01.000 Like, I thought it'd be fine. 0.89
00:37:02.000 I didn't realize that, no, the water is gonna, like, suck the heat out of your body.
00:37:06.000 It's not like it's not warm anymore.
00:37:08.000 You just wake up blue, if you wake up.
00:37:10.000 It's not like a mattress.
00:37:11.000 Like, a mattress is the temperature of the room, and that's fine.
00:37:14.000 But you can't have a waterbed, the temperature of the room.
00:37:17.000 The waterbed is 70 degrees. 1.00
00:37:19.000 You're fucked. 1.00
00:37:19.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:37:20.000 Yeah.
00:37:20.000 I want a warm bed.
00:37:21.000 I need a warm bed.
00:37:22.000 I never even thought about it.
00:37:23.000 My waterbed popped.
00:37:24.000 My cat ended up popping mine, and I woke up into the water.
00:37:27.000 I was with a girl, and all the water just started coming up.
00:37:30.000 That's a weird way to wake up.
00:37:31.000 You're like, are you peeing on me? 1.00
00:37:33.000 Fucking cats. 1.00
00:37:34.000 Silly cat. 1.00
00:37:35.000 I popped a waterbed once. 0.99
00:37:36.000 That's a disaster, man. 0.99
00:37:37.000 It's a disaster, and you gotta fucking do something quick, because the apartment's gonna fill up with water, and it's gonna go through the floor, and if you're above somebody, you're there for- Oh, shit. 0.99
00:37:46.000 Ugh. 0.99
00:37:47.000 Were you above someone?
00:37:48.000 No, it's in the basement.
00:37:49.000 No, no.
00:37:50.000 I was.
00:37:51.000 I mean, I was above someone, but it didn't get that bad.
00:37:53.000 I took care of it before it went crazy.
00:37:55.000 That's scary.
00:37:56.000 I don't even remember how.
00:37:57.000 I don't remember what the process of draining it was.
00:37:59.000 It's like attach a hose and get the hose and carry it to the sink and then siphon it and pour it in or something.
00:38:05.000 I don't even remember the full boat of issues. 0.99
00:38:09.000 But I remember when I got a regular bed after that, I was like, fuck water beds, man. 0.99
00:38:13.000 This is what a bed's supposed to be like. 1.00
00:38:15.000 Silly goddamn gimmick bed. 1.00
00:38:17.000 Do they still make waterbeds? 1.00
00:38:19.000 Of course they do.
00:38:19.000 They do?
00:38:20.000 I don't know anybody.
00:38:21.000 I'm going to Google dope waterbeds.
00:38:23.000 Just go to waterbeds and stuff. 0.99
00:38:25.000 They have those ones with fish in them now and shit. 0.99
00:38:28.000 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 1.00
00:38:30.000 Bunch of fucking fish shitting over your head. 1.00
00:38:33.000 Dope waterbeds. 1.00
00:38:35.000 Dopewaterbeds.com Doesn't have much.
00:38:38.000 Waterbeds and stuff has it.
00:38:39.000 Alternative to waterbeds.
00:38:42.000 Hmm.
00:38:43.000 Waterbed suggestions.
00:38:45.000 Waterbeds still making waves in Google News.
00:38:48.000 Oh, that was clever how they said that.
00:38:52.000 Waterbeds still making waves.
00:38:53.000 On my recent trip to Florida.
00:38:55.000 Of course, Florida.
00:38:57.000 I picked up the Sarasota Herald Tribune one day and started to flip through it.
00:39:02.000 Hmm.
00:39:03.000 I stopped at a... 1.00
00:39:04.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:39:05.000 You're boring the piss out of me, you shitty writer. 1.00
00:39:11.000 Fucking dummy. 1.00
00:39:12.000 What if it was the guy who was narrating the magma thing? 1.00
00:39:14.000 He was like, I bought this waterbed.
00:39:17.000 There's a guy named Waterbed who's on Twitter.
00:39:20.000 Or Tumblr.
00:39:23.000 Oh, it's Waterbeds on Tumblr.
00:39:25.000 Yeah, so they still make them.
00:39:26.000 And they have what you were talking about, Justin.
00:39:28.000 It looks like with the foam on top.
00:39:30.000 Yeah, the Tempur-Pedic. 1.00
00:39:31.000 Oh, shit! 1.00
00:39:33.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:39:33.000 But see how it has all those layers to it? 1.00
00:39:35.000 Yeah.
00:39:36.000 That's how they do it these days.
00:39:37.000 Just like the Earth's crust.
00:39:39.000 Oh no, back to Yellowstone.
00:39:41.000 We're going to die.
00:39:41.000 That does look like waterbeds and magma.
00:39:44.000 Dude, what if this shit is awesome now? 0.99
00:39:47.000 I would like to try one out. 0.99
00:39:48.000 I want to try a Tempur-Pedic waterbed.
00:39:49.000 It's like sleeping in a little hot pocket, like a little sandwich.
00:39:53.000 That probably would be pretty good.
00:39:55.000 It's the warmth of the waterbed that's really awesome.
00:39:58.000 Especially when you live in a cold place.
00:40:01.000 I was in Chicago one weekend and then New York last weekend. 0.99
00:40:05.000 God damn, you appreciate LA when you get back from that. 0.97
00:40:08.000 Isn't it amazing what we don't have to deal with? 0.99
00:40:11.000 Yeah, you don't have to like...
00:40:12.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:40:13.000 ...freeze or eat your grandma's butt, you know? 1.00
00:40:15.000 But, here's the... 1.00
00:40:16.000 Grandma's butt with a spoon. 1.00
00:40:18.000 Like those fucking poor people in that movie. 1.00
00:40:19.000 No, she's dead. 1.00
00:40:20.000 Nom, nom, nom.
00:40:22.000 Alive.
00:40:22.000 That movie where they were trapped in the mountains and they ate it with a spoon.
00:40:25.000 Uh-huh.
00:40:26.000 Alive.
00:40:26.000 It was the soccer team, wasn't it?
00:40:29.000 Just ass cheeks out with a spoon and ate it. 1.00
00:40:31.000 Hey, times are tough. 1.00
00:40:32.000 You gotta eat that ass. 1.00
00:40:33.000 Gotta do what you gotta do. 1.00
00:40:34.000 It's a good movie.
00:40:36.000 You know the thing about those warm climates, though, as opposed to cold climates?
00:40:40.000 Cold climates develop cooler people. 0.99
00:40:42.000 Goddammit, I hate saying it, but it's fucking true. 0.99
00:40:45.000 There's something about those cold climates that, like, people, they develop more character. 0.99
00:40:50.000 Yeah, well, it kind of makes them human.
00:40:53.000 Like, they're all in it together. 0.99
00:40:55.000 They all know it sucks. 0.94
00:40:56.000 So they're like, why are we gonna... 0.93
00:40:57.000 It's like, here, I think it's warm, it's always nice, so I think people just...
00:41:02.000 Numb to it. 1.00
00:41:03.000 Everyone's just a dick. 1.00
00:41:05.000 Everyone's just an asshole. 1.00
00:41:06.000 I think we live in a very medicated city, too. 1.00
00:41:09.000 I don't know what the actual numbers are.
00:41:11.000 I smell weed everywhere I go.
00:41:12.000 Not that way, man.
00:41:13.000 The other kind.
00:41:14.000 That's the good medicated. 1.00
00:41:16.000 I'm such a hypocrite. 0.99
00:41:18.000 I'm like, people are just doing drugs all the time. 0.99
00:41:20.000 Everywhere.
00:41:20.000 They're just doing all these paraphernalias.
00:41:24.000 They're all just escaping reality.
00:41:26.000 Oh, everyone. 1.00
00:41:27.000 Bunch of weak bitches. 1.00
00:41:28.000 Each and every one of them. 1.00
00:41:31.000 You're talking pills. 1.00
00:41:32.000 There's fucking people who are weak, dude. 1.00
00:41:34.000 They can't do it in reality. 1.00
00:41:36.000 Everyone's just trying to escape.
00:41:42.000 This is a Xanax and antidepressant city.
00:41:46.000 Okay, game on.
00:41:47.000 Let's go.
00:41:47.000 It's a Xanax and antidepressant culture.
00:41:50.000 We need a little snow to shovel.
00:41:53.000 It wouldn't hurt any of us.
00:41:54.000 It's one of those things where I hear that...
00:41:58.000 Every day I hear Xanax or I hear Valium or I hear...
00:42:02.000 What's the upper one?
00:42:05.000 Methys? 0.79
00:42:06.000 Huh?
00:42:07.000 Methys? 0.79
00:42:07.000 Adderall. 0.79
00:42:08.000 Adderall, that one.
00:42:09.000 I like a really good game of crazy or on meth.
00:42:13.000 I think that's a good street game I play with myself.
00:42:17.000 You just see people now who are just like...
00:42:21.000 And you're just like, what is going on?
00:42:23.000 And you're like, oh, they're on meth.
00:42:25.000 I'm seeing a lot of women on meth now lately. 1.00
00:42:27.000 Really?
00:42:28.000 Like young girls, especially on Sunset. 0.96
00:42:31.000 Who starts meth in 2014?
00:42:34.000 Amateurs.
00:42:35.000 Who's like?
00:42:36.000 People that can't afford cocaine.
00:42:39.000 Is that what it is?
00:42:40.000 Or is it people like, man, I don't believe the hype?
00:42:43.000 I don't know.
00:42:44.000 I mean, there was a story on it...
00:42:47.000 There's a guy in Hollywood who does a thing like it's a Hollywood night angel program or something because a lot of kids in Hollywood who move out here and they're homeless and their dreams aren't working out, whatever.
00:42:59.000 They just start doing it and this guy goes around and helps them, gives them shoes, all that kind of stuff.
00:43:06.000 It's a huge epidemic in Hollywood, and I'm pretty sure everywhere else, but I could never do that.
00:43:12.000 I could never do that or heroin or any of that stuff.
00:43:16.000 It's a huge epidemic all over the country, meth.
00:43:19.000 Meth is a big one.
00:43:20.000 It's a weird one, too, because it's kind of like universally accepted as being bad, but yet it's everywhere.
00:43:30.000 You had a show about it, you know?
00:43:32.000 It's like kind of glorifying it in a weird way.
00:43:35.000 Almost, right?
00:43:36.000 It was a little bit.
00:43:37.000 It was a great show.
00:43:39.000 Don't say it.
00:43:41.000 In order to make an effective piece of fiction, you've got to make it a little crazy and exciting.
00:43:47.000 But the weird thing about meth is it's so goddamn popular that they decided to make fake versions of meth and call them bath salts and sell that.
00:43:56.000 Is that still a thing? 0.99
00:43:57.000 Fuck yeah, it's still a thing. 1.00
00:43:59.000 Bath salts are? 1.00
00:43:59.000 Yes. 1.00
00:44:00.000 Huh.
00:44:01.000 You know why?
00:44:02.000 Because there's so many different ways they can sell things.
00:44:05.000 They can change so many different aspects of whatever the illegal drug is. 0.96
00:44:10.000 Like add an oxygen molecule, add phosphorus or whatever the fuck.
00:44:14.000 It's like a cocktail kind of thing. 0.96
00:44:15.000 Yeah, they can add things and twist things.
00:44:16.000 Like say if, you know, you have a very specific drug, like you have a new thing that you created called Donk.
00:44:22.000 You know, oh man, the dudes are doing Donk, man. 0.99
00:44:25.000 Donk fucks you up. 0.99
00:44:26.000 And donk is, you know, whatever the chemical composition for donk is. 0.99
00:44:31.000 If they just add, and then the government makes donk illegal, if you just add an oxygen molecule to donk, even though it still fucks you up beyond repair, it's not donk anymore.
00:44:40.000 Because now it's got this other thing.
00:44:43.000 So chemically speaking, it's a different thing.
00:44:45.000 It's dank.
00:44:46.000 So it becomes legal, and then you say, not for human consumption.
00:44:50.000 And you sell it like bath salts.
00:44:52.000 So that's essentially what they did.
00:44:55.000 A donk.
00:44:55.000 But bath salts aren't over-the-counter, though, right?
00:44:58.000 Yes.
00:44:58.000 They are over-the-counter?
00:44:59.000 Yes.
00:45:00.000 They used to sell them at gas stations.
00:45:01.000 What?
00:45:01.000 Used to be able to buy them at 7-Elevens.
00:45:03.000 No, I shouldn't say 7-Elevens.
00:45:05.000 I should say convenience stores.
00:45:06.000 I don't think actual...
00:45:07.000 Matter of fact, I'm pretty sure 7-Eleven never came out.
00:45:10.000 Wait, is that that...
00:45:11.000 But convenience stores, like head shops...
00:45:13.000 That synthesized...
00:45:16.000 Stuff?
00:45:16.000 No.
00:45:17.000 No, what you're thinking of is, I don't know if you're thinking of the synthesizer, you're thinking about fake weed?
00:45:22.000 Yeah, it's fake weed, right?
00:45:23.000 No, no, no.
00:45:24.000 Fake weed is just fake weed. 0.92
00:45:25.000 It's just glass. 0.98
00:45:26.000 And there's some fake weed that has like some psychoactive effect apparently, but it doesn't feel like weed and it's really shitty, like spice or whatever the fuck that stuff is. 0.99
00:45:33.000 Yeah, fake weed is horrible. 0.99
00:45:34.000 It's terrible.
00:45:35.000 Like a lot of hospitals are getting filled from people taking it.
00:45:38.000 Because you can like, it messes with your head.
00:45:40.000 I've taken some fake weed before. 0.99
00:45:42.000 Meanwhile, by the way, there's a fucking story that's on the internet about a woman in the UK that died from cannabis poisoning. 1.00
00:45:48.000 Oh shit. 1.00
00:45:51.000 The idea that she's the first person to ever die from weed ever. 1.00
00:45:55.000 I don't know what fucking newspaper. 0.99
00:45:57.000 It's like the Daily Mail. 1.00
00:45:58.000 Here, I'll pull it up.
00:45:59.000 Woman dies from weed.
00:46:00.000 Yeah, supposedly she overdosed.
00:46:02.000 You can't do that.
00:46:04.000 It's not possible.
00:46:05.000 She overdosed on... 0.65
00:46:07.000 Where is she?
00:46:07.000 In Canada?
00:46:08.000 How old was she? 0.89
00:46:09.000 She was younger.
00:46:10.000 She was cute. 0.89
00:46:12.000 They didn't find much in her system, though, or something.
00:46:15.000 Well, it's not true.
00:46:16.000 She had a heart attack.
00:46:18.000 She had moderate doses of marijuana in her system, and she had a heart attack.
00:46:23.000 It's not that weed killed her.
00:46:24.000 Who knows what killed her?
00:46:26.000 She could have had some sort of an issue with her heart.
00:46:29.000 Who knows what it was?
00:46:30.000 But marijuana takes...
00:46:32.000 When they test a drug, like say if it's acid or LSD or mushrooms or MDMA, they have a thing called the LD50. And the LD50 is lethal dose for 50% of the population.
00:46:47.000 So say if they gave all of us in this room 1,000 milligrams, whatever the fuck it is, if it kills two of us, That's LD50. That's the dosage that, like, 50% of the people are gonna fucking die. 0.99
00:46:58.000 This is pretty bad stuff. 0.99
00:46:59.000 It doesn't kill everybody. 0.94
00:47:01.000 Like, you'd probably give Joey Diaz enough to kill all of us combined, and he would survive.
00:47:06.000 You know, so it doesn't work on everybody.
00:47:09.000 Phoenix out of the ashes. 0.52
00:47:10.000 But if you gave, like, little Esther half of what would kill us, it would kill her.
00:47:14.000 A cookie, yeah.
00:47:14.000 So lethal dose at 50% of the population.
00:47:17.000 For marijuana, it's 1,500 pounds.
00:47:21.000 Stop and think about that.
00:47:22.000 That's a lot.
00:47:23.000 That's a lot. 0.94
00:47:24.000 That's a ridiculous amount.
00:47:25.000 Let's make sure that I'm correct about that. 0.88
00:47:27.000 LD50 of marijuana.
00:47:28.000 That's crazy. 0.99
00:47:29.000 So do you think it's this one coroner or whatever just being a retard? 1.00
00:47:34.000 Or do you think they're trying to push something? 0.77
00:47:38.000 They're just trying to make a legalization point.
00:47:40.000 No, it's just a story.
00:47:41.000 Now, why am I picturing this girl, like, naked in the snow? 0.95
00:47:44.000 Like, is that, I don't know, like, did she smoke and, like, wander out into the field and die?
00:47:50.000 Or, like, where was she, in her apartment?
00:47:52.000 Where was she?
00:47:52.000 Listen to this.
00:47:53.000 A smoker, okay.
00:47:57.000 A marijuana smoker would have to consume 20,000 to 40,000 times as much marijuana as is contained in one marijuana cigarette. 1.00
00:48:08.000 Bullshit Canada. 0.91
00:48:09.000 A regular marijuana cigarette has approximately 0.9 grams. 1.00
00:48:15.000 A smoker would theoretically have to consume nearly 1,500 pounds of marijuana within 15 minutes to produce a lethal response.
00:48:27.000 It's one o'clock now.
00:48:28.000 Should we start?
00:48:28.000 I can't.
00:48:29.000 I have shit to do today. 0.99
00:48:32.000 I'm busy. 0.99
00:48:33.000 That's an all-day experience. 0.99
00:48:34.000 One thing you can't do is smoke 1,500 pounds of marijuana and then get shit done. 0.99
00:48:40.000 Yeah, right? 0.99
00:48:41.000 You'd just be on Facebook all life.
00:48:44.000 You'd just be one pound. 0.98
00:48:44.000 What's fucked is that you could smoke 1,300 pounds of marijuana in 15 minutes. 0.98
00:48:50.000 It'd be fine. 0.98
00:48:50.000 That's what everyone's missing here. 0.98
00:48:52.000 Like, if the LD50 is 1,500 pounds, we could probably, each one of us, smoke 1,000 pounds safely.
00:48:59.000 We would shut down every Carl's Jr. Oh my god, you would shut down every cell in your body.
00:49:04.000 You would probably transcend space and time and become a god.
00:49:07.000 Yeah.
00:49:08.000 You probably would.
00:49:09.000 You would be David Koresh. 0.70
00:49:10.000 You would probably have a whole new perspective on all these guys.
00:49:14.000 Time travel.
00:49:15.000 They were just a little off.
00:49:16.000 They were a little off. 0.51
00:49:18.000 The guys who cut their dicks off down in San Diego with the purple sneakers on.
00:49:24.000 Remember those guys? 0.87
00:49:25.000 Yeah, the Kool-Aid guys.
00:49:26.000 Just a little off.
00:49:26.000 No, no, no.
00:49:27.000 Those were the South American guys.
00:49:29.000 Oh.
00:49:30.000 Wrong guys.
00:49:31.000 Where was David Koresh?
00:49:33.000 No, Jim Jones was in Guyana, right?
00:49:34.000 Jonesboro.
00:49:35.000 Guyana tragedy?
00:49:36.000 Yeah.
00:49:37.000 Sure, yeah.
00:49:38.000 Jonestown.
00:49:39.000 Jonestown.
00:49:39.000 Yeah.
00:49:40.000 I think that was Guyana, which is South America, right?
00:49:42.000 Guyana, isn't it?
00:49:45.000 Either way, 1,500 pounds. 1.00
00:49:48.000 So, shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:49:50.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00
00:49:51.000 All those people that said that the woman died of cannabis poisoning, she did not. 1.00
00:49:57.000 She died a fool. 0.99
00:49:58.000 And you know that had to hit every single local news station. 1.00
00:50:00.000 Of course.
00:50:01.000 So all your moms and everyone thinks that.
00:50:02.000 Look, there's a girl.
00:50:03.000 Do you want to be number two?
00:50:05.000 Do you want to be the second child to die and leave your mother childless?
00:50:11.000 I raised you.
00:50:12.000 You called to me from another dimension. 1.00
00:50:14.000 I brought you into this existence and I didn't do it so you could be a fucking pothead! 1.00
00:50:18.000 You called me from another dimension. 1.00
00:50:20.000 You're coming with mama to church!
00:50:22.000 Come on, let's pray.
00:50:23.000 Let's pray.
00:50:26.000 My lips are vibrating.
00:50:29.000 I want to cry.
00:50:30.000 It makes my lips itch. 1.00
00:50:34.000 There's so many dumb fucks in this world. 1.00
00:50:35.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:50:36.000 Whoever put that story out, every one of them should be sued.
00:50:39.000 You should be sued for fraud.
00:50:41.000 You should be sued for misrepresenting the facts.
00:50:44.000 You should be sued...
00:50:45.000 Actually, you shouldn't really be sued.
00:50:47.000 Someone should yell at you, though.
00:50:48.000 I don't want anybody sued. 1.00
00:50:49.000 I don't want anybody being dragged into the legal system, even for something that's stupid. 0.99
00:50:52.000 But it is... 1.00
00:50:54.000 Dumb as fuck! 1.00
00:50:55.000 There are dumb people. 1.00
00:50:55.000 Remember that fire a week ago? 1.00
00:50:57.000 The one over in Glendora? 0.99
00:51:01.000 Yeah, so this is my favorite dumb story for the past week. 0.73
00:51:05.000 I was outside and I was like, oh, look at the sky because it was turning the sky pink. 0.89
00:51:08.000 It was kind of really nice.
00:51:10.000 And this girl was like, what's going on with the sky?
00:51:13.000 And I was like, oh, there's a fire in Glendora.
00:51:15.000 She's like, oh, oh, I thought it was like another sunrise.
00:51:19.000 And I was like, what?
00:51:22.000 I just looked at her and was like, what?
00:51:23.000 She's like, yeah, I thought the sun was rising again.
00:51:25.000 I'm like, yeah, because we live on Pandora. 1.00
00:51:28.000 You dumb, dumb bitch. 1.00
00:51:31.000 God, I've never wanted to just rip out a throat and just say, fatality, you know, more in my life. 1.00
00:51:36.000 There's a problem with the world, is that you making fun of this one girl, someone could say, Justin Martindale, you hate women. 0.60
00:51:42.000 I don't hate women. 1.00
00:51:43.000 I love women. 1.00
00:51:44.000 I adore women. 1.00
00:51:46.000 I am America's gay best friend.
00:51:48.000 Isn't that a tricky thing, though?
00:51:49.000 Isn't that a tricky thing? 0.86
00:51:51.000 Like, if you bash any woman...
00:51:53.000 Oh, I've been told on stage that they're like, oh, you just have woman issues. 1.00
00:51:56.000 I'm like, no, I don't.
00:51:57.000 I love women. 1.00
00:51:58.000 Dumb bitch issues. 1.00
00:51:59.000 I think anybody can be a dumb bitch, though. 1.00
00:52:01.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
00:52:02.000 Or a dumb cunt. 1.00
00:52:03.000 There you go. 1.00
00:52:04.000 If you make fun of men, nobody ever accuses you of hating men.
00:52:08.000 Is that a weird thing? 1.00
00:52:09.000 You make fun of the dumbest fucking guys ever. 1.00
00:52:11.000 No one assumes you're talking about the entire gender. 1.00
00:52:13.000 I think everybody just knows that guys are stupid. 1.00
00:52:20.000 Guys are stupid. 1.00
00:52:22.000 Women are stupid. 1.00
00:52:24.000 Everyone is stupid. 1.00
00:52:25.000 Can we all just be on board and be stupid? 1.00
00:52:27.000 Yeah, most of us are stupid a good chunk of the time. 1.00
00:52:30.000 There's plenty of evidence of me being stupid just online. 1.00
00:52:33.000 You can find it. 1.00
00:52:34.000 It's there.
00:52:35.000 I don't know.
00:52:35.000 Maybe it's just an L.A. thing.
00:52:36.000 I find myself around town and I listen to what people are talking about.
00:52:44.000 Someone will say something and I'm very vocal about it.
00:52:48.000 I'll just look and just be like, ugh!
00:52:51.000 What's wrong with you?
00:52:53.000 God. 1.00
00:52:54.000 That's a stereotypical bitchy gay guy. 1.00
00:52:56.000 No, but it's not bitchy. 1.00
00:52:57.000 That's not bitchy? 1.00
00:52:58.000 I'm an intelligent...
00:53:00.000 What's wrong with you? 0.93
00:53:01.000 That is bitchy defined. 1.00
00:53:04.000 You sound like Ari.
00:53:06.000 That's why he's my friend.
00:53:08.000 Ari's the same way. 1.00
00:53:09.000 He's like, you were such a bitch. 1.00
00:53:12.000 You just don't want to look at yourself objectively. 1.00
00:53:14.000 No, I do.
00:53:15.000 I do it every day.
00:53:16.000 Maybe that's a little bitchy. 1.00
00:53:17.000 I can be a little bitchy, but when somebody says something stupid, I'm going to call it out. 0.99
00:53:21.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:53:22.000 I think I'm just being very blunt.
00:53:24.000 If that makes me bitchy, then fine.
00:53:25.000 Well, it's a good thing to do occasionally, but it's also a good thing to just internalize and laugh at.
00:53:31.000 Yeah, I do that too.
00:53:32.000 You could have two different reactions. 1.00
00:53:33.000 And you could be around someone who's saying really annoying shit and just focus on it and get fucking crazy and go, Jesus Christ. 1.00
00:53:39.000 Or you could just go... 1.00
00:53:41.000 Yeah, sometimes I'll sit back and laugh at it just because it is pretty amazing.
00:53:45.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:53:45.000 Human folly is some of the funniest shit. 0.99
00:53:49.000 It's been around forever. 0.99
00:53:51.000 We were talking about Kenny Powers yesterday, how funny that character is, because it's so subtle and close to reality.
00:53:58.000 Almost David Koresh-like, in a way. 0.81
00:54:01.000 That's one of the reasons why it's so funny, because human hubris and folly, and people just being dumbasses, Some of the most amusing stuff for us. 0.95
00:54:11.000 Because we can relate. 0.99
00:54:12.000 I think especially now with technology, I just think everyone's just a little brain dead inside now.
00:54:18.000 It's like everyone's on their phones, everyone's...
00:54:22.000 I look around, I'll go to a restaurant or something, and I'll see a whole family on their phone, and it just blows my mind.
00:54:28.000 I'm just like, wow.
00:54:29.000 I'll see kids.
00:54:30.000 I'll see three-year-olds with iPads and iPhone 5s and stuff, and I'm just like, whoa.
00:54:35.000 Did you see that history and pictures thing that was going around the internet a couple of days ago with all the people on the train with their newspapers in front of them?
00:54:46.000 That was amazing.
00:54:47.000 Wasn't it beautiful?
00:54:47.000 It's beautiful.
00:54:48.000 The caption was something like, technology is making us antisocial. 0.98
00:54:52.000 And then it showed all these people from the black and white 1930s or some shit. 0.97
00:54:57.000 And everyone's got a paper in front of their face. 0.89
00:54:59.000 And now everyone's got a phone. 1.00
00:55:01.000 How fucked must it have been back then to get your news from some stupid piece of paper that William Randolph Hearst edited? 0.99
00:55:07.000 I mean, that's how marijuana became illegal in the first place, because William Randolph Hearst got a hold of this idea to stop marijuana, stop hemp production from being made after they invented a thing called the decorticator. 1.00
00:55:20.000 I mean, William Randolph Hearst, who ran the fucking newspapers, these people right here, they're probably reading 80% bullshit. 0.97
00:55:27.000 They're like, hmm, well, the New York Times today, I read it. 0.99
00:55:32.000 So hard to get information back then.
00:55:34.000 I read it for Beto Bailey. 1.00
00:55:36.000 Those fucking awful cartoons. 1.00
00:55:39.000 Remember how bad? 1.00
00:55:41.000 They were so unfunny.
00:55:43.000 Which one?
00:55:44.000 Like Family Circus?
00:55:45.000 Like the funny pages?
00:55:46.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:55:47.000 You would read them and go, this is dog shit. 1.00
00:55:50.000 There's never been a worse version of the comedy arts. 0.99
00:55:54.000 There's never been a worse depiction of the comedy arts manifested in a final product than cartoons.
00:56:03.000 The funny pages.
00:56:04.000 Like Annie and...
00:56:06.000 Kathy?
00:56:06.000 Remember Kathy?
00:56:08.000 I'm fat and lonely.
00:56:10.000 Doonesbury. 1.00
00:56:11.000 Doonesbury fucking sucked. 1.00
00:56:12.000 What was the one? 1.00
00:56:13.000 People were like, oh, you gotta watch Doonesbury. 0.99
00:56:14.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99
00:56:16.000 What are you talking about? 1.00
00:56:18.000 Who's bitchy now? 1.00
00:56:19.000 You can't make it funny.
00:56:21.000 You can't do it.
00:56:22.000 Every now and then, you know when they were funny?
00:56:24.000 It was funny when he was making fun of Hunter S. Thompson in the 70s.
00:56:27.000 Or like Marmaduke.
00:56:28.000 Yeah, Marmaduke. 0.94
00:56:29.000 Get the fuck out of here with Marmaduke. 0.98
00:56:31.000 Somebody didn't just pay for Marmaduke. 0.99
00:56:32.000 Somebody made millions off of Marmaduke.
00:56:35.000 What was that one?
00:56:37.000 I love the far side, though.
00:56:38.000 The far side was great.
00:56:40.000 Calvin and Hobbes was kind of...
00:56:41.000 I kind of got into that one.
00:56:43.000 What was the one with the guy with the glasses?
00:56:46.000 Predator. 1.00
00:56:47.000 Sexual Predator. 0.99
00:56:49.000 No, a famous one. 1.00
00:56:51.000 God damn it. 0.99
00:56:52.000 I know what you're talking about. 1.00
00:56:53.000 Gilbert?
00:56:54.000 Dilbert?
00:56:54.000 Dilbert.
00:56:55.000 Yeah, Dilbert.
00:56:56.000 Scott, what was his name?
00:56:57.000 He worked in the office.
00:56:59.000 I never read that.
00:56:59.000 He did an episode of News Radio.
00:57:01.000 The guy who was the creator of Dilbert.
00:57:03.000 He was the little fat guy, right?
00:57:05.000 With the glasses.
00:57:06.000 Yes.
00:57:06.000 I don't know why I'm doing this.
00:57:07.000 Why did you do this?
00:57:09.000 He was like a little Humpty Dumpty.
00:57:11.000 He's a DJ. He's a double turntable mixer.
00:57:13.000 Yeah.
00:57:16.000 Do you like DJs, Joe?
00:57:17.000 I don't really like electronic music that much.
00:57:20.000 It's not really my thing.
00:57:21.000 I know the gays are really into electronic music.
00:57:23.000 No, don't.
00:57:24.000 You're just penning us up.
00:57:26.000 You're putting us in a category.
00:57:28.000 Garfield.
00:57:30.000 No, but they were saying that...
00:57:31.000 Have you ever done poppers?
00:57:33.000 Yes, I have.
00:57:34.000 Like, a lot of them?
00:57:35.000 No.
00:57:36.000 Why did you do poppers? 1.00
00:57:37.000 Because you gotta try shit. 1.00
00:57:39.000 That's a gay thing, right? 1.00
00:57:41.000 No, it's a thing. 0.97
00:57:42.000 Straight guys don't do poppers.
00:57:43.000 You know what it is, though?
00:57:44.000 It's like, it's just a...
00:57:45.000 Well, they don't?
00:57:46.000 Just jalapeno.
00:57:48.000 Yeah, I do jalapeno poppers.
00:57:49.000 Just jalapeno poppers?
00:57:50.000 Hold on.
00:57:50.000 For people who don't understand what you're talking about, for non-drug users, poppers are alien.
00:57:55.000 I'm not a...
00:57:56.000 I'm so junkie now. 1.00
00:57:58.000 No, but he's saying poppers like everybody knows what the fuck poppers are. 0.99
00:58:01.000 You gotta explain to people. 0.99
00:58:03.000 Well, it's like...
00:58:03.000 Well, pretty much what it is, is it's VCR head cleaner.
00:58:07.000 And it's like, if you go into any shop, like a sex shop, or like a, like, yeah, like if you go into like, I won't even say, I don't know if I can name businesses, but like any sort of like novelty sex store or something like that,
00:58:25.000 they will have at the very front case, they'll have these little vials.
00:58:30.000 And sometimes they'll be like, oh, VCR cleaner.
00:58:32.000 Because we all know, we all still own VCRs.
00:58:35.000 So it's bath salts, essentially.
00:58:37.000 No, it's not bath salts.
00:58:38.000 But it's the same sort of a thing, where you make something illegal, because you say it's not for personal consumption.
00:58:43.000 Right, absolutely, yes, yes, yes. 0.99
00:58:44.000 It's like, yeah, it's a cleaner, or sometimes it'll have a nickname to it, like Jungle Juice, or something stupid. 0.99
00:58:52.000 And what it is, is like... 0.93
00:58:55.000 I've done it, I did it like once or twice, but it's one of those things where it's like you do it and it's like there's this crazy head rush and your body just gets like really, really hot.
00:59:04.000 And it only lasts for like 10 seconds.
00:59:05.000 I compare it to like whippets.
00:59:07.000 If you've ever done whippets, it's like that.
00:59:08.000 Okay, so is this actual amyl nitrate or is this just some other kind of head rush that you're getting? 0.95
00:59:15.000 They say it loosens up your butt, and I don't know about that, because I'm a top. 0.82
00:59:23.000 You have very specific rules. 0.94
00:59:24.000 Do you start out a top, or is it like you're an open-miker, you work your way up to being a middle act?
00:59:30.000 Dude, I'm topping tonight.
00:59:32.000 Oh, badass.
00:59:32.000 I got a tight 30. A tight 30. No, I don't know.
00:59:42.000 I just don't like things up my butt. 0.98
00:59:44.000 But some dudes do. 0.99
00:59:46.000 Yeah, some do.
00:59:47.000 And that's what I'm there for.
00:59:49.000 That's what it's all about.
00:59:50.000 Life is all about finding people who want what you need to give them.
00:59:55.000 Yeah.
00:59:55.000 That's what life's all about.
00:59:56.000 I help people out. 1.00
00:59:58.000 My friend Chuck, he had this girl that he was dating, and all she wanted to do was suck his dick. 1.00
01:00:03.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:00:04.000 And I was like, it's a dude.
01:00:04.000 You probably have a dude that's pretending to be a girl.
01:00:06.000 He's like, no, man. 0.91
01:00:07.000 I mean, we had sex a couple times. 1.00
01:00:09.000 He goes, but her favorite thing was to just suck my dick. 1.00
01:00:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:00:11.000 And I was like, that's so weird. 1.00
01:00:12.000 He goes, yeah. 0.94
01:00:13.000 After a while, I was kind of like, I was like, come on, let's have sex. 0.66
01:00:15.000 She's like, no, no, no. 1.00
01:00:16.000 I just want to suck your dick. 1.00
01:00:17.000 And I was like, did her pussy smell or something? 1.00
01:00:19.000 He's like, no, no, no. 1.00
01:00:20.000 She goes, she was just weird. 1.00
01:00:22.000 She said she got more satisfaction out of sucking dick than she did out of... 1.00
01:00:26.000 Actually having sex. 1.00
01:00:27.000 Yeah, we're all crazy bitches. 1.00
01:00:29.000 There's weirdos out there like that. 1.00
01:00:30.000 There's so many.
01:00:31.000 I mean, have you ever talked to Dan Savage?
01:00:34.000 Dan Savage?
01:00:35.000 Yeah.
01:00:35.000 No, I know who he is, though.
01:00:36.000 Yeah, I mean, I love that guy to death.
01:00:38.000 I would just love... 0.56
01:00:39.000 He's like a sex advice guy, right?
01:00:41.000 He's just the coolest dude ever.
01:00:42.000 I mean, I would love to just, like...
01:00:45.000 Sit down with him and just...
01:00:46.000 Brunch.
01:00:48.000 Just be like...
01:00:49.000 Because I think he's one of those guys who takes it to that next level.
01:00:52.000 What's...
01:00:52.000 I don't...
01:00:53.000 I'm not really familiar with him.
01:00:54.000 I just know his name.
01:00:55.000 Like, the whole, like, gay rights. 0.97
01:00:56.000 He's, like, a huge...
01:00:57.000 Like, he's the It Gets Better guy.
01:00:58.000 Like, he...
01:00:59.000 You know, he's, like, a big campaign for, like, the LGBT movement and, like, equality and...
01:01:05.000 He's just one of those guys. 1.00
01:01:06.000 He's the guy who coined Santorum, Rick Santorum, when he was an asshole or whatever. 1.00
01:01:11.000 He compared Santorum to a frothy anal leakage, whatever. 1.00
01:01:17.000 He coined the phrase Santorum and named it after Rick Santorum. 0.99
01:01:21.000 That kind of stuff.
01:01:22.000 I was like, I love that stuff.
01:01:24.000 That Santorum guy, a lot of people, I went after that guy.
01:01:28.000 Yeah.
01:01:28.000 There's just so many of them.
01:01:29.000 Did you see the whole, like, the Coca-Cola thing?
01:01:32.000 Did you, the Super Bowl commercial with that?
01:01:35.000 What?
01:01:35.000 What are you talking about?
01:01:36.000 They did this Super Bowl commercial where they played America the Beautiful and they sang America the Beautiful and did it in different languages.
01:01:42.000 They did it in Spanish, they did it in, like, Hindu, they did it in, like, you know, all these different languages because that's what America is.
01:01:51.000 And you get all these crazy people who are just like, this is my country! 0.78
01:01:55.000 I'm drinking Pepsi now! 1.00
01:01:57.000 Hashtag fuck coke! 1.00
01:01:59.000 You know? 1.00
01:01:59.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:02:00.000 I actually did see that.
01:02:02.000 It's embarrassing.
01:02:04.000 I mean, I'm just like, you have all these people, and then there was like a gay couple in the commercial, and everyone's like... 0.98
01:02:08.000 Oh, I'm not drinking that fag coke now. 0.98
01:02:11.000 It's like, God. 0.63
01:02:12.000 But that's what I was going to say.
01:02:13.000 It's interesting.
01:02:14.000 You threw those together, and you're right to do so.
01:02:17.000 It's all intolerance.
01:02:19.000 It's all intolerance and ignorance.
01:02:21.000 The language intolerance is just as bad as the homophobia.
01:02:24.000 It's just as bad as the racism.
01:02:26.000 It's just as bad as the nationalism.
01:02:28.000 Yes, absolutely. 1.00
01:02:28.000 It's just dumbasses. 1.00
01:02:29.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:02:30.000 You're right to throw them in together.
01:02:31.000 That's an important distinction.
01:02:34.000 Because it really is the same. 1.00
01:02:35.000 It's just idiots. 1.00
01:02:37.000 It's really the same. 1.00
01:02:38.000 What was the...
01:02:39.000 There was something else, too.
01:02:40.000 It was my country.
01:02:41.000 You ain't allowed to speak no Espanol.
01:02:44.000 Oh, it just pissed me off.
01:02:45.000 That whole...
01:02:45.000 The whole Grammys wedding, too.
01:02:48.000 That whole thing.
01:02:48.000 I actually knew one of the guys in the...
01:02:50.000 Who got married at the Grammys.
01:02:52.000 I don't know what you're talking about.
01:02:53.000 There was like...
01:02:54.000 They did the Macklemore Same Love song for the Grammys.
01:02:58.000 And like, Queen Latifah came out on stage... 0.97
01:03:03.000 Like, she actually just walked out.
01:03:04.000 She didn't, like, come out.
01:03:05.000 But she came out on stage, and she is a minister.
01:03:08.000 And she married, like, 32 couples, gay and straight.
01:03:12.000 It was just marriage, just supporting equality and love.
01:03:15.000 And then, you know, it was actually really nice.
01:03:17.000 You just, like, cuts to, like, who was it?
01:03:19.000 I'm trying to remember who it was.
01:03:20.000 Oh, it was, like, Keith Urban just crying, just bawling.
01:03:24.000 And I was like, oh, look at him.
01:03:27.000 Look at that little guy.
01:03:29.000 And, um... 0.99
01:03:30.000 Immediately to Twitter, they were like, oh, the Grammys were great until the Fags got married. 1.00
01:03:34.000 I'm like, my God! 1.00
01:03:37.000 What's wrong with you?
01:03:38.000 Who cares?
01:03:39.000 Is it bothering you that much that you have to take it to Twitter and hope that someone...
01:03:44.000 And now Twitter's doing it, too, and I think social media, too.
01:03:47.000 They're taking the most offensive tweets from people and displaying them, showing the ignorance.
01:03:53.000 It's like that lady who... 1.00
01:03:54.000 Who's doing that?
01:03:55.000 There's just like websites and stuff now that are not like buzzfeed and they're just like look at these are the reactions from like horrible people.
01:04:01.000 Twitter's not doing it.
01:04:02.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:04:03.000 It's like that one chick who was like the She was like a head of a company or something and she flew to Africa.
01:04:09.000 And she was like, she's from South Africa.
01:04:11.000 She's like, well, go on to Africa. 0.69
01:04:13.000 I hope I don't get AIDS. JK, I'm white. 0.98
01:04:15.000 And it's like, why would you do that?
01:04:17.000 Yeah.
01:04:18.000 She's probably on a Xanax and she had a glass of wine.
01:04:20.000 She's from South Africa, flying to South Africa.
01:04:23.000 She's flying to her hometown and she's in America with this like head of something.
01:04:27.000 She was like some executive of some company.
01:04:29.000 And they're like, well, you got fired there.
01:04:32.000 Sorry about it.
01:04:32.000 It's funny.
01:04:33.000 If she was Ari Shafir, I'd have been fine. 1.00
01:04:36.000 You know, that's something Ari would have said. 0.99
01:04:38.000 Yeah, no one would have cared.
01:04:39.000 Ari's probably upset. 0.94
01:04:41.000 I should have come up with that on my own.
01:04:42.000 I wish I went to Africa before her. 1.00
01:04:43.000 I would have definitely said something worse.
01:04:44.000 I totally should have done that joke. 0.80
01:04:46.000 Yeah, I mean, it's silly.
01:04:48.000 Yeah. 0.85
01:04:49.000 It's silly for her to do it, but it's also silly for people to get upset.
01:04:52.000 It's a joke.
01:04:53.000 She's obviously joking. 1.00
01:04:54.000 She's probably fucked up. 1.00
01:04:56.000 Maybe she's good at her job, and they're going to fire her just because she said that. 1.00
01:04:59.000 She's on that bath salts. 1.00
01:05:01.000 She said she was funny.
01:05:02.000 She got a little Xanax in her system, had a couple of cocktails, thought she was hilarious. 0.99
01:05:07.000 LOL! I can't wait till I land in Africa and see my tweets!
01:05:11.000 OMG! Am I right, ladies? 1.00
01:05:13.000 I think it's so fun.
01:05:14.000 I'm fired?
01:05:15.000 What?
01:05:16.000 Oh no, how do I eat?
01:05:19.000 How do I eat?
01:05:20.000 How do I eat now?
01:05:21.000 Yeah, I'm disturbed that the amount of intolerance in this country is still at the level that it's at.
01:05:28.000 But I feel like we're at a turning point.
01:05:30.000 I really do.
01:05:31.000 I feel like there's a tipping point. 0.99
01:05:34.000 There's going to be a lot of stupidity that comes along with the tipping point, like massive oversensitivity, massive overreactions to things, especially when people are joking around about things. 0.99
01:05:44.000 Apologize! 0.99
01:05:45.000 You need to apologize!
01:05:47.000 Yeah, but ultimately I think like the climate is way different people way more sensitive to things now than they were Just a few decades ago definitely more than even really even more than just a few years ago, you know, it's It's changed changed quite a bit and I think a lot of that is just the exposure to different people on the internet and when people Yeah.
01:06:15.000 Right.
01:06:31.000 That's unbelievably ridiculous, because you can't do that with straight people. 0.94
01:06:34.000 Are all straight people great? 0.99
01:06:35.000 Okay, what about all the straight serial killers? 0.97
01:06:37.000 What about all the straight rapists? 1.00
01:06:38.000 What about all the straight thieves? 1.00
01:06:40.000 No, you can't take Team Straight, because Team Straight's filled with douchebags. 1.00
01:06:44.000 So what team are you on? 1.00
01:06:46.000 You're on Team People, fuckface. 0.99
01:06:47.000 I'm on Team People. 1.00
01:06:48.000 I'm on Team People.
01:06:49.000 Includes gay, straight, black, white, Filipino, Chinese.
01:06:52.000 I hang out with mostly straight people.
01:06:56.000 That's the thing.
01:06:57.000 I actually feel lucky because I'm like, wow, I remember when I first started doing stand-up, people were like...
01:07:05.000 I'm just going to do an Ari voice.
01:07:07.000 Might as well, because it was him. 1.00
01:07:09.000 He's like, oh, so are you going to like, are you going to like, try and fuck me? 1.00
01:07:11.000 I'm like, you're a six. 1.00
01:07:12.000 Like, okay.
01:07:14.000 You're like a, you're an LA six.
01:07:16.000 You're like a, you're like a North Dakota negative three.
01:07:19.000 Like, um.
01:07:19.000 Negative three and he's worth less in North Dakota?
01:07:22.000 Yeah, probably so.
01:07:23.000 Why's that?
01:07:23.000 He's more valuable in LA? Yeah, he's more valuable in LA. Keep him here.
01:07:27.000 But, uh.
01:07:27.000 Why is that?
01:07:28.000 I don't know.
01:07:28.000 It's the Jew thing.
01:07:29.000 It's the Jew thing. 1.00
01:07:30.000 Nah.
01:07:31.000 I love Ari.
01:07:32.000 That can't be right.
01:07:33.000 But he was one of those guys...
01:07:34.000 Not necessarily that it was giving me a hard time, but it was just...
01:07:37.000 He was being funny!
01:07:38.000 But I entered into this boys club.
01:07:41.000 It was one of those things where people were very weird.
01:07:46.000 They didn't know what to do with me.
01:07:47.000 And so I had to just kind of...
01:07:50.000 Just show them that I'm just me.
01:07:51.000 Do you ever worry?
01:07:53.000 Sorry to interrupt you.
01:07:53.000 Do you ever worry when you're meeting people and they find out you're gay?
01:07:57.000 Not at all.
01:07:57.000 Are you going to get a negative reaction?
01:07:59.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99
01:08:00.000 Right. 0.99
01:08:00.000 I think it's the same thing. 0.99
01:08:01.000 It's like, oh, you like MMA? Okay, well, I'm going to go.
01:08:07.000 You know, it's like, not that that's the same thing, but it's one of those things I'm like, what I like is when I get off stage, it's like, I get guys, I'll get like the Bro dudes who are just like, oh man, that was funny. 1.00
01:08:18.000 Do you want to fuck you? 1.00
01:08:19.000 No. 1.00
01:08:19.000 You think? 1.00
01:08:20.000 Maybe.
01:08:23.000 But it's one of those things where I'm like, okay, then I've done my job.
01:08:27.000 I get girls, I get guys, I get couples.
01:08:30.000 It's cool.
01:08:34.000 It's nice to be a part of that. 1.00
01:08:35.000 What you're saying is that someone who has a problem with you being gay, who gives a fuck? 0.99
01:08:40.000 You want to talk to them in the first place, right? 1.00
01:08:42.000 Oh, you have a problem with You know, a black comic, or you have a problem with a Jew comic, or a female comic, or, you know, whatever.
01:08:48.000 It's like, you just have a problem, you just need to go home and look at yourself in the mirror and take a nice hot bath and listen to some Sade.
01:08:54.000 Do you find the comics, like, are more accepting than regular people, like, generally?
01:09:00.000 Yeah.
01:09:01.000 Yeah.
01:09:01.000 I... I... I don't know.
01:09:04.000 There's a lot of ego involved, you know what I mean?
01:09:06.000 Comedy?
01:09:07.000 Oh, yeah.
01:09:08.000 There's a lot of ego involved.
01:09:09.000 So it just depends, you know? 0.99
01:09:12.000 Yeah, he's getting laughs, but it's because he's all gay. 1.00
01:09:14.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:09:15.000 And then you have those comics who, I mean, I remember, I've been brought up to, like, on stage before, like, all right, you guys ready? 0.72
01:09:22.000 This next guy's a fag comic. 1.00
01:09:23.000 I'm like, what the hell? 0.99
01:09:25.000 I've had that with some dude.
01:09:27.000 No, it was a Tony. 0.98
01:09:28.000 No, I'd squash him.
01:09:29.000 Was he trying to be funny?
01:09:32.000 I have no idea.
01:09:33.000 This was like...
01:09:34.000 This wasn't even at the store or the factory.
01:09:37.000 This was like...
01:09:37.000 Are you sure you didn't have a popper and tell them to say that?
01:09:40.000 Yeah, I'm like, hey, can you bring me up to this?
01:09:43.000 Lightheaded.
01:09:44.000 Hanging out with werewolves.
01:09:45.000 Crumpled teeth.
01:09:46.000 Running naked in the woods in Canada.
01:09:51.000 Oh, God, that was, yeah, it's very more accepting.
01:09:54.000 And I think that's, as a community, I think it's way more accepting.
01:09:56.000 I grew up very religious, and it was, I really lucked out, really lucked out, really lucked out.
01:10:03.000 You lucked out growing up religious?
01:10:05.000 No, I lucked out with a cool family and cool friends, and like, I never, you know, I never got bullied.
01:10:11.000 I mean, I got called names and stuff, but I never got into like a physical fight with anybody.
01:10:15.000 Were you always out?
01:10:17.000 No.
01:10:18.000 When did you come out?
01:10:20.000 The first time?
01:10:23.000 God, it was, I think, 19. I think it was 19. And then I went back in.
01:10:31.000 You went back in?
01:10:32.000 Yeah, and then I came out.
01:10:33.000 It was like four or five times.
01:10:34.000 There was a bye phase.
01:10:37.000 What is that like when you want to go back in?
01:10:40.000 So you come out and then you go back in.
01:10:41.000 Is it because you're embarrassed?
01:10:43.000 Well, I got outed by somebody. 0.97
01:10:47.000 You got outed by someone that you had sex with? 0.98
01:10:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.95
01:10:53.000 Actually, yeah.
01:10:53.000 And then got caught by somebody.
01:10:56.000 Okay.
01:10:56.000 Yeah.
01:10:57.000 Yeah.
01:10:59.000 And then...
01:10:59.000 So...
01:11:00.000 Why is this so funny?
01:11:02.000 I've just never really told this story before.
01:11:04.000 You don't have to.
01:11:05.000 You don't have to.
01:11:06.000 I get it.
01:11:06.000 No, I mean, it's fine.
01:11:07.000 It's whatever shit. 0.99
01:11:08.000 It's therapy. 0.99
01:11:09.000 I don't want to be like the...
01:11:09.000 Okay.
01:11:09.000 I just don't want to be the pressure guy.
01:11:11.000 No, no, no.
01:11:12.000 But it's just funny.
01:11:12.000 Now I'm thinking about it.
01:11:13.000 I was like, God, I was such an asshole. 1.00
01:11:15.000 Like, I'm still dating this girl. 1.00
01:11:16.000 We never broke up.
01:11:18.000 She could be married with kids now. 0.92
01:11:19.000 We're still technically dating.
01:11:22.000 How can you be technically dating?
01:11:23.000 Well, I was with this girl and then we like...
01:11:26.000 You know, I had one of those weeks where I was like, what are these feelings?
01:11:30.000 And, you know, hooked up with this guy who I was friends with, and, like, my roommate walked in and was like, bleh!
01:11:38.000 And I'm like, bleh!
01:11:40.000 And then...
01:11:41.000 Your roommate had no idea you were gay?
01:11:42.000 Well, I mean, everyone did, and then, like, so it got around, it spread like wildfire.
01:11:47.000 I mean, it got to Europe.
01:11:48.000 When you say, like, the roommate walked in, like, what exactly were you engaged in when the roommate opened the door?
01:11:54.000 I was under the covers.
01:11:55.000 Oh! 0.60
01:11:56.000 So you were under the covers.
01:11:57.000 I didn't see the roommate.
01:11:58.000 The roommate told me.
01:12:00.000 The dude was cross-eyed like that.
01:12:03.000 And he's holding out to the covers.
01:12:06.000 And you're underneath it.
01:12:08.000 There's a lot of wiggling.
01:12:09.000 You have an imagination, Joe.
01:12:11.000 His toes are poking at the end.
01:12:14.000 His toes at the end of the bed.
01:12:17.000 White knuckled. 0.97
01:12:19.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:12:22.000 That's right.
01:12:23.000 They call me the Destroyer.
01:12:24.000 Oh, God.
01:12:26.000 Yeah, and then it spread.
01:12:28.000 I mean, it went to Europe.
01:12:30.000 The rumor?
01:12:31.000 The rumor went to Europe.
01:12:32.000 There was like a school abroad program, and someone sent a postcard and was like...
01:12:37.000 It's what they're saying about Justin True.
01:12:39.000 I was like, Jesus, it was like a Stonehenge postcard.
01:12:42.000 I'm like, enjoy Stonehenge.
01:12:43.000 Don't worry about me.
01:12:45.000 Yeah, but you care.
01:12:47.000 I mean, this was back, this was like the early 2000s, so it was like, it was a different time, but at the same time, it was, I didn't have to worry about like, you know, I feel bad for kids today with like, the cyberbullying and the,
01:13:03.000 I mean, even YouTube comments. 0.99
01:13:04.000 Like, I have stuff online, like, You know, from the laugh actor or whatever, and it'll be like, you'll have that one that's just like, fag, kill yourself. 1.00
01:13:12.000 I'm like, God, Jesus. 1.00
01:13:14.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:13:16.000 I'm like, no, you kill yourself, buddy. 1.00
01:13:19.000 I'll show you. 1.00
01:13:21.000 Look.
01:13:22.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:13:23.000 Look, when you're 19 years old, it's hard to figure out who the fuck you even are. 1.00
01:13:28.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:13:28.000 I tried to take on a bunch of different roles when I was 19 years old. 0.99
01:13:32.000 I tried to pretend I was different things.
01:13:34.000 I tried to...
01:13:34.000 I remember I decided I was going to be a carpenter.
01:13:37.000 I fucking hated carpentry. 0.97
01:13:39.000 I did it for like a week. 0.99
01:13:40.000 I was like, what am I doing?
01:13:41.000 That's not what I want to do.
01:13:42.000 I'm pretending this is what I want to do for a living.
01:13:44.000 I don't want to do this for a living.
01:13:46.000 I need to figure out, you know, but I couldn't imagine what it would be like to, like, want to be something that you're not, or not want people to know who you are.
01:13:57.000 It was one of those things, and I didn't have like a, my family would never really, like, talked about sex.
01:14:03.000 And I grew up in Texas, and it was one of those.
01:14:06.000 What part?
01:14:06.000 San Antonio.
01:14:08.000 And, um, I just remember, it was very religious, like, we didn't talk about masturbation, it was always like, you know, it was like, sex ed was all about, like, put a condom on and, like, everyone giggled and, like, you know, it was, uh, I think my sex talk even was, like, My mom just being like, 0.99
01:14:24.000 no, a guy puts his penis in a vagina and it feels real good. 1.00
01:14:28.000 Alright, mama's gotta go. 1.00
01:14:29.000 You know?
01:14:30.000 And I was just like, what the hell did she just say?
01:14:32.000 You see my cigarettes?
01:14:33.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:14:33.000 No, she didn't smoke.
01:14:34.000 She smoked pot, but she didn't smoke cigarettes.
01:14:36.000 Your mom smoked pot?
01:14:37.000 Oh, yeah.
01:14:37.000 Really?
01:14:38.000 She's a cool mom.
01:14:39.000 Always?
01:14:40.000 Even when you were young?
01:14:40.000 Oh, I'm sure.
01:14:41.000 There's stories that I hear about my mom recently. 1.00
01:14:44.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
01:14:44.000 Like, she's 5'2". 1.00
01:14:46.000 I'm like 6'3".
01:14:47.000 And so, like... 0.99
01:14:48.000 Fucking giant... 1.00
01:14:50.000 Giant fetus just growing in that waterbed. 1.00
01:14:53.000 The giant must have banged her. 1.00
01:14:54.000 How big's your dad?
01:14:56.000 Yeah, 6'3".
01:14:57.000 Yeah, 6'3", 6'4".
01:14:59.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:14:59.000 Big fucking corn-fed man. 1.00
01:15:01.000 Italian corn-fed pastrami. 1.00
01:15:04.000 Making him a Martindale!
01:15:08.000 And then I just swam, just... 1.00
01:15:10.000 Move, bitches! 1.00
01:15:11.000 You got brothers and sisters? 1.00
01:15:12.000 Uh-huh, I got two brothers and a sister, yeah. 0.88
01:15:14.000 How many of them are gay?
01:15:15.000 None.
01:15:16.000 Zero?
01:15:17.000 None, yeah.
01:15:18.000 How many of them are borderline?
01:15:20.000 How many of them could be persuaded?
01:15:22.000 I don't think they could be persuaded. 0.99
01:15:24.000 I mean, one of them was in the military, so I don't know the shit that he saw. 0.99
01:15:29.000 But I wouldn't think so. 1.00
01:15:31.000 There's a lot of gay sex in the military? 0.98
01:15:34.000 You know, I think I'm not going to answer that like with a yes or no. 0.99
01:15:38.000 I just think that a lot of people will do things when they're away. 0.94
01:15:41.000 Okay, right now, people in Afghanistan are fucking taking off their headphones, throwing them on the ground. 0.98
01:15:45.000 That's it! 1.00
01:15:46.000 I'm done with this fucking hippie podcast! 1.00
01:15:49.000 I'm not over here sucking cock! 1.00
01:15:51.000 I don't care what the fuck Justin Martindale says! 1.00
01:15:53.000 I'm over here fighting for freedom! 0.99
01:15:56.000 I know, my brother was in Kuwait.
01:15:57.000 My brother drove a tank.
01:15:58.000 What did he say?
01:15:59.000 I respect the military. 1.00
01:16:00.000 Dick sick, suck suck suck. 1.00
01:16:02.000 No, he didn't say that. 1.00
01:16:03.000 He told me that he almost got shot by a woman.
01:16:06.000 Like crazy stuff.
01:16:08.000 We didn't talk for a while.
01:16:10.000 A woman soldier? 1.00
01:16:11.000 She was dressed in civilian clothes and she pulled out a gun and his friend saw it and shot her in the head and saved his life.
01:16:22.000 I'm very grateful for that friend.
01:16:25.000 I couldn't imagine that.
01:16:27.000 It's messed up.
01:16:29.000 I applaud you guys over there for doing that because I cannot do that, especially with this hair.
01:16:34.000 Your hair's too good for Iraq. 1.00
01:16:36.000 Shit. 1.00
01:16:37.000 I would cry like a little bitch. 1.00
01:16:39.000 You would cry like a little bitch if you had to deal with the war? 1.00
01:16:41.000 Yeah, war and shaving my head. 1.00
01:16:44.000 Yeah, I would imagine.
01:16:45.000 I'd go crazy. 0.98
01:16:46.000 I'd probably kill myself. 0.95
01:16:47.000 I couldn't say that, but I couldn't do that. 1.00
01:16:51.000 That David Koresh video was enough for me because I just kept hearing the babies and the women crying in the background, and I was like, I talked to a dude who told me there's some gay shit going on on a Navy boat. 1.00
01:17:03.000 He said there was a lot of gay shit going on in boats. 1.00
01:17:06.000 A lot of semen. 1.00
01:17:07.000 Don't ask, don't tell. 0.99
01:17:08.000 They had a boat filled with men.
01:17:10.000 It's all men. 1.00
01:17:11.000 I mean, I just think guys are just sexual beings, you know?
01:17:16.000 We're not going to talk about this.
01:17:18.000 Can you keep a secret?
01:17:19.000 Yeah.
01:17:20.000 Come on, son.
01:17:22.000 Can you keep a secret?
01:17:24.000 First of all, before you answer yes or no, I want you to look at these lips. 0.99
01:17:27.000 These are lips that have their own penis, and they understand how it works. 1.00
01:17:32.000 Okay? 1.00
01:17:33.000 Now close your eyes.
01:17:34.000 Close your eyes and touch the lips. 1.00
01:17:36.000 I'm gonna fucking shave! 1.00
01:17:37.000 I'm gonna fucking shave! 0.99
01:17:38.000 I'm just the future, son! 0.99
01:17:40.000 I mean...
01:17:41.000 Feel them lips.
01:17:41.000 Let me get them all wet first.
01:17:43.000 Hold on.
01:17:44.000 Now, feel them.
01:17:46.000 Feel it.
01:17:47.000 Feel it.
01:17:47.000 You're getting Justin hard.
01:17:48.000 So many...
01:17:49.000 Pretend!
01:17:51.000 Pretend it's a woman! 1.00
01:17:52.000 Close your eyes. 1.00
01:17:53.000 Do you jerk off? 1.00
01:17:54.000 With a man hand, you jerk off! 1.00
01:17:56.000 I was like, so many guys are turned on right now. 1.00
01:17:59.000 Probably.
01:18:00.000 At least three or four.
01:18:01.000 There's a lot of people listening.
01:18:03.000 There's people that get turned on for anything.
01:18:05.000 You've got nice eyes, Joe.
01:18:06.000 Thank you very much.
01:18:07.000 I like them.
01:18:08.000 They help me see.
01:18:11.000 The kind eyes.
01:18:12.000 I'm going to get you some roses for Valentine's Day.
01:18:14.000 Dude, 1-800-Flowers.com.
01:18:16.000 Click on the microphone.
01:18:17.000 Don't be scared.
01:18:18.000 Use the code word JRE and save yourself some cash.
01:18:24.000 You're on the cover of Huffington Post right now.
01:18:27.000 Am I? Or Huffington Gay. 0.82
01:18:29.000 What? 0.97
01:18:30.000 Isn't you in that Funny or Die spoof?
01:18:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:18:33.000 Me and my buddies did a spoof on the show Looking on HBO. What's it at?
01:18:38.000 How many hits does it have?
01:18:39.000 Does it say?
01:18:41.000 My friend Drew Droege and Jason Looney, myself, my friend Jeremy, did the spoof. 0.98
01:18:49.000 If you haven't seen that show Looking, it's on HBO and it's getting a lot of heat because everyone's like, oh, this is stupid and this isn't how gay people are represented in San Francisco. 0.97
01:18:58.000 It's actually a decent show. 0.98
01:18:59.000 I went out for the pilot.
01:19:00.000 What's the best representative of gay folk? 1.00
01:19:03.000 Remember Queer as Folk? 0.72
01:19:04.000 Yeah.
01:19:04.000 Was that good?
01:19:05.000 Yeah.
01:19:07.000 Yeah, I mean, that was more, I think, extreme, because it showed, I mean, it was very, it was very, very, very, very sexual, and yeah, dancing, and drugs, and, but it was, the characters were great.
01:19:19.000 Hal Sparks was one of the guys on there.
01:19:20.000 Yeah, and Hal Sparks is straight, which is fascinating.
01:19:23.000 Don't do that!
01:19:24.000 What? 1.00
01:19:24.000 Don't you make that fucking incredulous. 1.00
01:19:26.000 What did I do? 0.99
01:19:26.000 He went, mm. 0.99
01:19:27.000 No, that's just my face. 1.00
01:19:29.000 I know what the fuck you did, son. 1.00
01:19:30.000 I know what the fuck you did. 1.00
01:19:32.000 Listen. 1.00
01:19:33.000 He is, though.
01:19:34.000 Yeah, okay.
01:19:35.000 Yeah.
01:19:36.000 Yeah.
01:19:37.000 Look at me.
01:19:38.000 Anyway.
01:19:39.000 Okay, we're good here.
01:19:41.000 Enough information has been transmitted.
01:19:43.000 It's the beautiful thing about human language.
01:19:45.000 Human language has a lot of subtlety to it.
01:19:49.000 So one of the things that I find so offensive about people pretending that jokes are statements is because just there, what we did, we transferred information very clearly between each other. 0.97
01:19:59.000 And most people listening know exactly what the fuck you said, and they know that I know that you know what you know. 0.98
01:20:06.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:20:09.000 Boom! 0.99
01:20:10.000 He's a great guy.
01:20:12.000 He's very funny, good looking.
01:20:13.000 Very handsome.
01:20:14.000 He's into a lot of conspiracies.
01:20:18.000 Wasn't he like a 9-11 guy?
01:20:20.000 Was he?
01:20:20.000 I think.
01:20:22.000 I should be careful because I've been accused of that.
01:20:24.000 Unjustly so.
01:20:25.000 What, being a 9-11 guy?
01:20:27.000 A conspiracy theorist for 9-11. 0.92
01:20:29.000 Yeah, by a guy that I had on the podcast, and I fucking told him to his face that I don't think it's a conspiracy, and he's still writing that I think it's a conspiracy. 0.66
01:20:40.000 Is that like the Illuminati of conspiracy theorists?
01:20:42.000 No, it's just a convenient one because obviously it was a conspiracy to commit the crimes that were committed.
01:20:50.000 It was a conspiracy to fly planes into buildings, for sure.
01:20:53.000 Someone conspired, they took over airliners, they hijacked them, they flew them into buildings.
01:20:59.000 That alone, no matter who did it, Whether it was the government or whether it was Saudi Arabia, whether it was the Al-Qaeda and the Taliban, whoever did it, it was a conspiracy, 100%.
01:21:11.000 Okay, so let's just get that out of the way.
01:21:13.000 9-11 was a conspiracy. 0.99
01:21:15.000 But the people like the guy who ran out in a post-Super Bowl interview and said, 9-11 was perpetrated by the government, those people are fucking wacky. 0.99
01:21:24.000 Oh yeah, I saw that. 0.98
01:21:25.000 Yeah, that's unnecessary.
01:21:27.000 Well, the 9-11 truthers, those people that run out, you know, the real issue with that is they don't know.
01:21:33.000 You don't know.
01:21:34.000 And you're saying that.
01:21:35.000 You don't know.
01:21:36.000 I don't think it was. 1.00
01:21:37.000 I think it's much more likely that what happened was the United States was attacked by a bunch of fucking psychos and... 0.99
01:21:46.000 The government took advantage of this attack in order to instigate or to initiate some plans that they already wanted to go into Iraq. 0.99
01:21:55.000 They'd wanted to go into Iraq for a long time. 0.99
01:21:57.000 There was a bunch of shit that they wanted to do. 0.99
01:21:59.000 They wanted to go into Afghanistan. 0.99
01:22:01.000 They couldn't figure out a way to justify it.
01:22:02.000 Now they had a lock-tight, justified reason for going to these places.
01:22:10.000 That's what I think happened. 0.99
01:22:11.000 Much more likely than the thousands of people kept their mouths shut about organizing this horrible crime that killed thousands of people and, you know, they made the fucking towers disappear. 0.99
01:22:23.000 My fucking pot doctor, man, gave me a book. 1.00
01:22:27.000 I'm going to bring it in because it's so ridiculous. 1.00
01:22:29.000 He gives me this book about how 9-11 the towers were destroyed using Tesla technology.
01:22:34.000 Oh, right.
01:22:34.000 I go, what?
01:22:35.000 Tesla technology?
01:22:36.000 Or like magma, like lava or something like that.
01:22:38.000 No, no, no.
01:22:39.000 Well, there's thermite is the big one.
01:22:41.000 Thermite.
01:22:42.000 You know, it cuts...
01:22:43.000 You know, they've tested positive for thermite.
01:22:44.000 But the problem is, like, when aluminum melts and all the different particles are inside these infernos, like, you're gonna get thermite-like compounds anyway.
01:22:53.000 Right, because it's just burning so hot.
01:22:55.000 Well, all that stuff that's in there, like, and there's, like, all these pictures that they point to, these girders cut, you know, you can see the line cut in the girders.
01:23:03.000 What they don't understand is that was all cut by welders to clean up the scrap.
01:23:08.000 Like, they have before and after pictures of those cuts.
01:23:11.000 There's a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding when it comes to a lot of conspiracy theories.
01:23:17.000 A lot of them.
01:23:18.000 A big percentage of them.
01:23:20.000 They're saying the Super Bowl was rigged, too.
01:23:22.000 Oh, it must have been.
01:23:24.000 They're saying the Super Bowl was rigged.
01:23:26.000 The United States wants Seattle to win.
01:23:28.000 The Red Hot Chili Peppers were bunked.
01:23:30.000 That's what they say, too.
01:23:31.000 Yeah, the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
01:23:32.000 I don't know if that's true or not, though.
01:23:33.000 That's a new one, right?
01:23:34.000 Yeah, that was just today.
01:23:35.000 Breaking news.
01:23:38.000 They weren't playing their instruments.
01:23:40.000 The Red Hot Chili Peppers faked the funk.
01:23:42.000 I'm sure there's a picture, yeah, that they said that the Red Hot Chili Peppers guitars were not plugged in during the Super Bowl performance.
01:23:48.000 That hurts my soul.
01:23:49.000 It hurts my heart.
01:23:49.000 Yeah, a little bit.
01:23:50.000 It really does hurt.
01:23:51.000 I just want to go.
01:23:52.000 How does that happen?
01:23:53.000 How does the Red Hot Chili Peppers ever get to a point where they're faking playing music?
01:23:57.000 I think what it is is that they actually can't hear.
01:24:00.000 When they're around that many people on stage, it would be impossible for them to actually...
01:24:05.000 Yeah, but they put ear monitors in.
01:24:07.000 Yeah, but I think it's even that loud that that wouldn't even do anything.
01:24:10.000 Well, there was like explosions and fireworks.
01:24:13.000 Is there a picture of them?
01:24:14.000 It can't be any louder than the UFC. Like when the UFC is going on, I have headphones on.
01:24:19.000 I don't hear anything.
01:24:20.000 I can hear myself loud and clear.
01:24:22.000 People are screaming at the top of their lungs when a fight's going on, and they're feet away from me in an indoor arena.
01:24:29.000 The Super Bowl might be more people, but I couldn't imagine it would be louder, especially without a roof.
01:24:34.000 I can't imagine how it could be louder.
01:24:36.000 I want to go to a UFC fight with you.
01:24:38.000 I haven't put that on my bucket list.
01:24:40.000 Yeah, let me know, man.
01:24:41.000 I've never been.
01:24:42.000 I watched that.
01:24:43.000 There's one February 2nd. 0.99
01:24:44.000 You want to watch some chicks beat the fuck out of each other? 1.00
01:24:46.000 I mean, what? 0.99
01:24:46.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:24:47.000 Ronda Rousey.
01:24:48.000 February 2nd?
01:24:49.000 It's the 4th today.
01:24:50.000 Oh, okay.
01:24:50.000 22nd.
01:24:51.000 Yeah, let's go see some girls fight. 1.00
01:24:53.000 Well, I will have to work, but you won't be able to sit and tell the audience.
01:24:56.000 I will sit and watch.
01:24:57.000 I'll live tweet it.
01:24:58.000 I can't sit with you and answer questions.
01:25:00.000 I have to actually do work.
01:25:01.000 I saw that video of that guy's leg break and that.
01:25:04.000 Oh, God.
01:25:04.000 That was terrible.
01:25:06.000 It's rare, too. 0.67
01:25:07.000 Oh, it was so gross.
01:25:08.000 Yeah, really unusual to have a break like that.
01:25:11.000 We've only had two breaks like that in the history of the UFC. But there have been some in other organizations, very similar.
01:25:18.000 Were you at that fight?
01:25:19.000 Oh, yeah, of course.
01:25:20.000 You were there when it happened?
01:25:21.000 Oh, yeah.
01:25:21.000 Oh, God.
01:25:22.000 I've been at almost all the pay-per-views, almost all of them, and all the Fox shows.
01:25:28.000 I haven't been on all the Fox Sports ones.
01:25:30.000 I don't do those anymore, but I do virtually every pay-per-view, unless there's something serious going on that I can't do it.
01:25:38.000 That's only the second time that's ever happened.
01:25:40.000 And to have it happen to a great champion, like arguably the greatest fighter, I've said, the greatest fighter that's ever lived, to have it happen to him, that's pretty crazy. 0.98
01:25:47.000 That sucks. 0.98
01:25:48.000 It's a nutty sport, man. 0.99
01:25:49.000 You know, the human body is just not designed for it.
01:25:52.000 It's all about compromising joints. 0.99
01:25:55.000 It's all about cutting off blood and sparking your fucking nerves with concussions and stopping your brain from functioning. 0.99
01:26:04.000 It's really a really crazy sport. 0.99
01:26:06.000 It's pretty intense.
01:26:07.000 Yeah, but the excitement that you get from that, from it being so crazy, it's like there's nothing like it in the world.
01:26:13.000 And the girls go that hardcore too? 1.00
01:26:15.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
01:26:17.000 Dude, Misha Tate vs. 0.99
01:26:18.000 Ronda Rousey, which was the last big women's title fight that we had, was one of the best fights ever. 0.58
01:26:24.000 It was great!
01:26:25.000 There was so much drama in it.
01:26:27.000 Yes!
01:26:27.000 Misha almost got fully armbarred once, because Ronda beat her by armbar in the first fight.
01:26:34.000 She beat her by armbar in the second fight, too. 1.00
01:26:36.000 But Misha got out of this crazy, locked-in armbar.
01:26:39.000 You knew it was over, and she gets out of it, and the crowd's going insane.
01:26:42.000 And it was just like, first of all, Ronda made her sail through the air with judo.
01:26:47.000 I mean, that was one of the beautiful things about the fight.
01:26:49.000 It was not just the two chicks were going at it. 1.00
01:26:50.000 It was Ronda's technique is impeccable.
01:26:54.000 It's like a dance.
01:26:55.000 Her judo is just magnificent. 1.00
01:26:58.000 Her technique, when she throws people, it's a fucking work of art. 1.00
01:27:02.000 Misha tried to grapple with her, and Ronda launched her through the air. 1.00
01:27:07.000 Not once, but several times.
01:27:10.000 Slammed her on her back in beautiful judo. 0.97
01:27:14.000 World-class judo in action.
01:27:16.000 Probably the best judo we've ever seen in the UFC. You know, in comparison, like, relative to her weight class and her division, and then her armbar techniques, the best in all of MMA. That bitch is badass, man. 1.00
01:27:30.000 Badass bitches. 1.00
01:27:31.000 She's wicked. 1.00
01:27:32.000 She's like Chun-Li from Street Fighter. 0.94
01:27:35.000 Better.
01:27:35.000 Better than Chun-Li.
01:27:36.000 She's a real person, and she has a vagina. 1.00
01:27:38.000 Chun-Li has a vagina? 1.00
01:27:40.000 I mean, I've heard. 0.99
01:27:42.000 Are you talking about the street fight of the girl?
01:27:43.000 Yeah.
01:27:44.000 Oh, I didn't know it was a girl.
01:27:45.000 Chun-Li.
01:27:46.000 I don't know.
01:27:46.000 She's the one who's...
01:27:47.000 Yeah, Ronda Rousey would tie that bitch up at a knot and throw her off a building. 1.00
01:27:51.000 Damn. 1.00
01:27:51.000 Well, wait. 1.00
01:27:52.000 Do they let them have long hair? 1.00
01:27:54.000 They have hair.
01:27:55.000 I mean, they've got to get the guys to watch.
01:27:57.000 You can't grab it, though.
01:27:58.000 You can't grab hair.
01:27:58.000 No, you can't.
01:27:59.000 Because I would say that would be the first thing.
01:28:00.000 You always see that in a girl fight where they just... 1.00
01:28:03.000 Well, you used to be able to do that like when Hoist Gracie fought chemo. 0.97
01:28:06.000 That's one of the ways he fucked chemo up. 0.99
01:28:08.000 He had chemo in his guard and was just bashing him, holding on to his fucking ponytail. 1.00
01:28:14.000 He got a hold of that ponytail and just fucked him up. 0.99
01:28:19.000 That was one of the all-time craziest fights ever in the UFC because chemo was enormous. 0.96
01:28:24.000 I should never have a ponytail.
01:28:26.000 He was like 230, 240, solid muscle, and Hoist was like 170 skinny.
01:28:31.000 Jesus!
01:28:32.000 David and Goliath, huh?
01:28:33.000 Hoist still beat him. 1.00
01:28:34.000 Still armbarred his ass. 1.00
01:28:36.000 Hoist was a bad motherfucker back then. 1.00
01:28:38.000 Still is, but back then, that was the guy that changed it all. 0.99
01:28:42.000 He came around and showed people what's up.
01:28:44.000 Wow.
01:28:45.000 But back then you could grab hair.
01:28:46.000 Girls are not allowed to grab hair. 1.00
01:28:47.000 They can't cunt punt either. 1.00
01:28:49.000 Cunt punt? 1.00
01:28:50.000 Yeah.
01:28:51.000 I'm sorry, what? 1.00
01:28:52.000 Well, you can't kick a dude in the dick and a girl can't cunt punt. 1.00
01:28:56.000 A cunt punt, okay. 1.00
01:28:57.000 Don't call it that, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99
01:28:58.000 This is a comedy podcast.
01:29:00.000 This is not what it's really called.
01:29:03.000 I learned a new word today.
01:29:04.000 The Joe Rogan podcast.
01:29:05.000 Yeah, you're not allowed to kick a woman in the groin, but they don't have protection on like a man does. 1.00
01:29:10.000 Oh, they don't wear cups.
01:29:11.000 I don't think they wear anything. 0.97
01:29:12.000 I'm pretty sure they don't, but your clitoris, I'm sure, is very sensitive. 1.00
01:29:16.000 If you take a hard knee there, that would be horrible. 0.99
01:29:20.000 Oh, Chihuahua.
01:29:21.000 But that's illegal.
01:29:23.000 It's illegal just like it is on men. 0.93
01:29:24.000 But what is interesting is, I don't believe that the breasts are off target. 0.99
01:29:29.000 Just grab them titties and twist! 1.00
01:29:31.000 A lot of women will wear like, you know, they wear like... 1.00
01:29:34.000 Sport bras.
01:29:35.000 Sport bras, but there's no real protection of the breasts.
01:29:39.000 That's a really good question, actually.
01:29:41.000 I need to know if women's breasts are a target in MMA. Are the rules exactly the same? 1.00
01:29:49.000 I would think they'd have to tape their nipples. 1.00
01:29:52.000 No? 0.99
01:29:52.000 No? 0.99
01:29:53.000 No taping of the nipples. 0.97
01:29:54.000 Okay, here's the question. 0.98
01:29:55.000 Shut that down. 0.96
01:29:56.000 The question is, January 17th, a very recent question, should chest strikes be banned?
01:30:03.000 So they're talking about banning them.
01:30:05.000 For women.
01:30:06.000 It makes sense.
01:30:07.000 Well, they're saying that it depends if the girl has implants. 1.00
01:30:11.000 Have you ever hit a girl in the boob, like, accidentally? 0.99
01:30:13.000 They will murder you. 0.93
01:30:15.000 What do you mean, accidentally? 0.98
01:30:16.000 Well, like, elbow.
01:30:17.000 All day.
01:30:18.000 Slap them around. 0.96
01:30:18.000 That's how you slap them around. 0.96
01:30:19.000 You can't hit them in the face. 0.99
01:30:20.000 You gotta tit slap them. 0.99
01:30:21.000 No, but I mean, like, I've been, like, out and, like, have nudged. 0.91
01:30:24.000 Yeah.
01:30:25.000 It hurts.
01:30:26.000 Yeah, they're just like...
01:30:27.000 Yeah, it's sensitive. 1.00
01:30:28.000 That's why it feels good when you suck them. 1.00
01:30:31.000 Striking the enhanced breast will most likely cause them to burst. 0.99
01:30:35.000 So they keep a list of natural and surgically enhanced breasts for their female fighters. 1.00
01:30:39.000 So that's interesting. 0.99
01:30:41.000 So if a woman has surgically enhanced breasts, I guess they have to make a deal where the girl, if she's going to fight, you can't punch her tits. 1.00
01:30:53.000 Well, that makes sense. 0.99
01:30:54.000 You don't want a busted boob. 1.00
01:30:56.000 This might be bullshit, though. 0.99
01:30:57.000 This is on a forum, by the way. 0.98
01:30:59.000 But it's on the underground.
01:31:00.000 It's on mixedmartialarts.com.
01:31:02.000 And those guys are usually...
01:31:03.000 A guy named the Gumball Kid has the thing.
01:31:06.000 Let's find out.
01:31:07.000 Do they have a list?
01:31:08.000 If you hit her in the boob and she just flies around the ring, just... 1.00
01:31:11.000 Like an old balloon. 0.79
01:31:14.000 There she goes.
01:31:16.000 She's out.
01:31:18.000 Okay.
01:31:19.000 Do they have a list of enhanced breath for women's MMA? No. 1.00
01:31:28.000 No.
01:31:28.000 I'll need to ask somebody.
01:31:30.000 This is too long of a Google search.
01:31:31.000 I need to call up Big John McCarthy or... 0.99
01:31:34.000 Yeah, you can't kick the butthole. 0.98
01:31:37.000 But you can grab it, which is weird. 0.99
01:31:39.000 You can grab the butthole? 0.78
01:31:40.000 Guys do what they call oil check. 0.99
01:31:42.000 Excuse me? 1.00
01:31:43.000 When an oil check is, sometimes in the middle of the grappling, a guy will literally have his fingers deep in a guy's asshole. 0.99
01:31:50.000 Just digging in there and, you know, it forces the guy to move. 0.98
01:31:55.000 Forces the guy to move in a way to get away from that grip.
01:31:58.000 And I don't think it's illegal.
01:32:00.000 I don't think it's illegal in wrestling either.
01:32:02.000 I wouldn't start making MMA butt plugs. 0.99
01:32:05.000 No, that would just shove something deeper in your ass. 1.00
01:32:07.000 You'd have to have a protection. 1.00
01:32:09.000 But what if you don't move?
01:32:11.000 But the problem is you need movement. 1.00
01:32:14.000 Your ass needs to be able to move, so anything that you do that would protect your asshole would be restrictive. 1.00
01:32:21.000 It would restrict your ability to move left and right. 1.00
01:32:24.000 It would be uncomfortable, yeah.
01:32:25.000 Yeah, it would mess with your athleticism, too.
01:32:27.000 Are oil checks legal?
01:32:30.000 What if it's like this, though?
01:32:33.000 That's just a buttinventor.com. 1.00
01:32:36.000 You're just sticking things in your ass. 1.00
01:32:38.000 I need to find out if this is... 1.00
01:32:40.000 So what about this one?
01:32:42.000 I gotta go to the bathroom.
01:32:43.000 Here's one where he gets checked.
01:32:47.000 Yeah, dudes do this all the time. 1.00
01:32:50.000 Damn. 0.99
01:32:51.000 Krzysztof Szynski saw I was on camera and he says, oops. 1.00
01:32:53.000 Wait.
01:32:55.000 He says, show it again.
01:32:57.000 You even said something on the end of it.
01:33:00.000 One guy actually got a rape charge.
01:33:04.000 From a wrestling match, apparently.
01:33:06.000 What?
01:33:06.000 When was this?
01:33:07.000 17-year-old Jerome Hunt faces 21 counts of rape and attempted rape.
01:33:12.000 Each count carries with him up to 25 years in prison.
01:33:16.000 Hunt's lawyer Mike Butler claims that complaints came from fellow Parker wrestlers who were simply victims of a legitimate wrestling move.
01:33:25.000 Butler just filed a motion to move the case to juvenile court on that court document.
01:33:29.000 He lays out a lot of information presented to the grand jury before they indicted Hunt on the rape charges.
01:33:37.000 Wow.
01:33:38.000 Former state champion wrestler Jerome Hunt's lawyer says that all but two of the incidents reported happened in the Parker High School wrestling room before the practice during last year's wrestling session.
01:33:49.000 Before practice?
01:33:51.000 Before practice? 0.94
01:33:52.000 Before practice rape?
01:33:53.000 Yeah, it possibly came from a wrestling move called a butt drag or skinning. 0.88
01:33:58.000 Okay, before practice.
01:33:59.000 What is that?
01:34:00.000 Butt dragging before practice.
01:34:01.000 It's not something illegal or not being taught.
01:34:04.000 It's being taught all over.
01:34:06.000 One accuser even testified to a grand jury, I didn't take it as a sexual move.
01:34:10.000 I took it as him just messing around.
01:34:13.000 Huh, who charged him then? 0.94
01:34:16.000 A prude.
01:34:17.000 Hmm.
01:34:18.000 This is interesting because the oil check is like a legitimate wrestling move.
01:34:23.000 If that's what he's doing, it's like people have been—whether or not you think they should be able to do that, I don't think they should be able to do that.
01:34:29.000 But people have been doing that for a long time, like in actual legitimate wrestling.
01:34:35.000 But look up oil check wrestlers. 0.82
01:34:38.000 Find a video for oil check wrestling.
01:34:40.000 Because that's something that guys have done for a long ass time.
01:34:44.000 I mean, I would even say that's like gladiator days.
01:34:47.000 I'm sure they did that.
01:34:48.000 Well, it's not the most effective way to control a person.
01:34:50.000 So it's not like something that someone does for a long time or on a regular basis.
01:34:55.000 It's just, when you're in a wrestling match with someone, what you're trying to do is win. 0.90
01:34:59.000 And if you spend time fingering his butt, you could have been doing other things that would actually get you to win the match.
01:35:04.000 So it's not like something that comes up all the time. 0.98
01:35:06.000 Yeah, I call that a Friday. 0.52
01:35:09.000 But, um, some people, uh, you know, some people who don't know wrestling who found out that this guy's oil-checking people and, you know, maybe being a dick about it.
01:35:21.000 Hey, Johnny's oil-checking people.
01:35:23.000 No, fine, just, what is this?
01:35:26.000 Crisis.
01:35:26.000 No, no, no, no, not checking the oil crisis.
01:35:28.000 Oil-check, just image, oil-check wrestling. 0.99
01:35:31.000 Checking the oil crisis.
01:35:33.000 Just listen, Google oil-check wrestling. 0.96
01:35:35.000 I got some right here.
01:35:36.000 That was about it, though.
01:35:44.000 I'm gonna butt drag you so you ain't safe. 1.00
01:35:47.000 Yeah.
01:35:48.000 Yeah, see?
01:35:49.000 Not a Maroon 5 song.
01:35:51.000 See?
01:35:53.000 Jesus!
01:35:53.000 That's totally legal.
01:35:54.000 See how he's doing this and the referee's not getting angry at him and no one's going to jail?
01:35:58.000 See, it is actually a legal wrestling move. 1.00
01:36:01.000 That guy putting his hands in that guy's asshole like that is totally legal. 1.00
01:36:05.000 Not only is it totally legal, it's so common. 1.00
01:36:10.000 Who made this video?
01:36:11.000 Like, who was like, you know what I'm going to do today?
01:36:14.000 Like I said, it's common, but it's not the most common thing.
01:36:19.000 Like, wrestling is all about...
01:36:20.000 It makes sense, though.
01:36:21.000 Yes.
01:36:22.000 It makes sense.
01:36:22.000 It's not the best way to control a guy all the time, though.
01:36:25.000 So when it does come up, guys do it, but it's not like...
01:36:28.000 The only way to do it.
01:36:31.000 If you concentrate on that when you should be doing something else, you're going to lose the wrestling match.
01:36:36.000 What he's doing is using it as a hold.
01:36:38.000 He's literally trying to grapple by holding on to the guy like that.
01:36:42.000 He's not necessarily...
01:36:43.000 Sexual.
01:36:44.000 He might be sexual.
01:36:46.000 Or he might also be trying to inflict pain and discomfort.
01:36:48.000 Yeah.
01:36:49.000 But it's been going on forever. 1.00
01:36:50.000 One of those damn oil checkers! 1.00
01:36:52.000 So to take this one kid and call him a rapist for that... 1.00
01:36:55.000 That's messed up.
01:36:55.000 But the other thing was then it said before practice.
01:37:00.000 That's a problem.
01:37:01.000 The before practice, that disturbs me.
01:37:03.000 Like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
01:37:04.000 Like, hours before practice?
01:37:06.000 Like, five minutes before practice?
01:37:08.000 Are you warming up?
01:37:08.000 Are you in the locker room like, hey, check this out?
01:37:11.000 Are you going over techniques?
01:37:13.000 What is the exact...
01:37:14.000 What exactly is going on?
01:37:15.000 And how many counts did it say?
01:37:17.000 Like, was it just one person?
01:37:18.000 I think they said like 40. Jesus.
01:37:20.000 Yeah.
01:37:20.000 40 people?
01:37:22.000 Or 40 charges?
01:37:23.000 Well, I'll read it again.
01:37:24.000 Well, I shouldn't talk about this kid.
01:37:26.000 By the way, this was several years ago.
01:37:29.000 Oh, okay.
01:37:30.000 2006, actually.
01:37:31.000 But...
01:37:32.000 21 counts.
01:37:33.000 Wow. 1.00
01:37:35.000 I don't know what that kid did, so I'm just talking out of my ass. 0.99
01:37:39.000 But if the kid did what's in those videos, you better go watch those videos because there's videos of people doing that butt drag or oil check forever. 0.99
01:37:47.000 It's been going on for as long as there's been wrestling.
01:37:50.000 It's just not the most effective thing to do always.
01:37:52.000 It's not in every match. 0.99
01:37:54.000 But shit, it's pretty fucking common. 1.00
01:37:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:37:57.000 You know? 0.81
01:37:58.000 They made butt plugs.
01:38:00.000 That doesn't help, dude. 1.00
01:38:01.000 It's a stupid idea. 1.00
01:38:02.000 It's just going to go deeper in and you bleed. 1.00
01:38:04.000 It's not going to stop the guy from holding onto it.
01:38:07.000 Get a little tail on the end.
01:38:08.000 Make it a decorative butt plug.
01:38:11.000 Pull that out and the guy gets embarrassed and you tap him.
01:38:14.000 Comes out with a loud pop.
01:38:17.000 He's like, sorry about that.
01:38:18.000 Can I take that?
01:38:21.000 Did I hear that Brock Lesnar is thinking about coming back to the UFC? Yeah, it's bullshit. 1.00
01:38:26.000 Oh, it is? 1.00
01:38:26.000 Yeah, it's bullshit. 1.00
01:38:28.000 There's one hype story where they were trying to hype it up because the WWE was saying that Brock Lesnar was in Vegas. 0.99
01:38:34.000 They made a big announcement.
01:38:35.000 But it's really just a publicity move to talk about Brock Lesnar's wrestling appearance.
01:38:40.000 So there was a little bit of hype on that. 0.94
01:38:42.000 Some guy's tweeting me that the butt drag does not go into the butthole. 0.98
01:38:45.000 Yes, it does, sir. 0.99
01:38:46.000 Sometimes. 0.99
01:38:47.000 The butt drag does not go into the butthole. 0.98
01:38:49.000 They're saying there's a nerve back there of guys pulling. 0.99
01:38:51.000 Yeah, you're right. 0.99
01:38:52.000 But tell me that dudes don't sometimes put fingers in people's assholes. 0.99
01:38:56.000 You fucking for sure do, because I've had it happen. 1.00
01:38:59.000 So shut your mouth. 1.00
01:39:00.000 If I had a nickel. 1.00
01:39:02.000 Don't tell me that oil checks don't go in your asshole. 1.00
01:39:05.000 I've had it happen. 1.00
01:39:05.000 Those sneaky, creepy fingers. 1.00
01:39:07.000 Do the oil jag you on a grappling hat?
01:39:09.000 Well, it's not like you're going to just rub it around.
01:39:12.000 It's there.
01:39:12.000 You go in.
01:39:14.000 It's not like, oh, I'm sorry.
01:39:15.000 There's Steve's.
01:39:16.000 I didn't mean to.
01:39:17.000 There's different people.
01:39:17.000 Look at this.
01:39:18.000 There's a nice one right there.
01:39:19.000 That's a good oil jag.
01:39:20.000 Yeah, that's definitely, definitely.
01:39:23.000 Are those women? 1.00
01:39:24.000 Is that Bobby Lee?
01:39:25.000 Yes, it's a woman.
01:39:25.000 That is Bobby Lee.
01:39:26.000 Oh, it is a woman.
01:39:27.000 That might be Felicia. 0.96
01:39:28.000 Oh, I don't know who that is.
01:39:29.000 That might be my friend Felicia. 0.99
01:39:30.000 She's a badass grappler. 1.00
01:39:32.000 Look at this one.
01:39:32.000 Oh, I know these.
01:39:34.000 That is not right. 1.00
01:39:36.000 That guy's an asshole. 1.00
01:39:38.000 That's the oil wrestling, the Russian oil wrestling. 1.00
01:39:41.000 Turkish, I believe.
01:39:42.000 Turkish, yeah, Turkish oil wrestling.
01:39:43.000 Jesus Christ! 1.00
01:39:45.000 Yeah, anybody who says it doesn't go in your asshole, shut it. 1.00
01:39:49.000 He's clearly looking at that and just being like, yeah, you fuck it. 1.00
01:39:53.000 Well, you know, it doesn't always go in. 1.00
01:39:55.000 Sometimes it just hits the taint. 1.00
01:39:57.000 Sometimes it's just the guy's got a good grip on the upper deck and doesn't actually get in the asshole. 0.99
01:40:04.000 He's just pulling the lid up on the macaroni and cheese container. 0.99
01:40:09.000 Just get the steam out? 1.00
01:40:11.000 Yeah, just Tupperware and that motherfucker. 1.00
01:40:15.000 But sometimes it goes in the asshole. 1.00
01:40:17.000 There's a lot of fucking butthurt wrestling guys out there that are arguing with me right now on Twitter. 1.00
01:40:21.000 We just showed you photos, you fucks. 1.00
01:40:23.000 You're in denial. 1.00
01:40:24.000 And there's a lot of guys who have had their assholes fingered who were like, thank you, Joe, for speaking up. 1.00
01:40:29.000 This is bullshit. 1.00
01:40:30.000 Didn't even go in my ass. 1.00
01:40:31.000 It can't go in. 1.00
01:40:32.000 Dude, it's a trap. 1.00
01:40:33.000 My asshole's like a bank vault. 1.00
01:40:36.000 Nothing's getting in. 1.00
01:40:37.000 You might be knocking on the door, but you can knock on my door.
01:40:40.000 Does that mean you sleep in my house?
01:40:41.000 No, it does not mean you sleep in my house.
01:40:42.000 You're just knocking on my door.
01:40:43.000 You can't get in. 1.00
01:40:44.000 I think it's time, if you have had your butthole invaded by a finger to come out. 1.00
01:40:48.000 My asshole's the brown starfish of security. 1.00
01:40:52.000 Nothing gets through. 1.00
01:40:54.000 It's tight. 0.98
01:40:55.000 It's like that fucking Event Horizon when it opened up the time portal. 0.99
01:40:59.000 That's my favorite scary movie ever. 0.99
01:41:01.000 That's a good scary movie.
01:41:02.000 That's my favorite scary movie of all time.
01:41:04.000 I'm so glad you said that.
01:41:05.000 That's a terrifying movie.
01:41:07.000 Yeah, the idea that they run into hell.
01:41:10.000 In space, yes.
01:41:12.000 Enough, Brian.
01:41:13.000 Enough.
01:41:14.000 E-N-U-F-F. What are you showing? 1.00
01:41:16.000 More guys with hands up dudes' assholes. 1.00
01:41:18.000 I think we get it. 1.00
01:41:20.000 Yeah, Brian, come on.
01:41:20.000 It happens, wrestling fans.
01:41:22.000 I know you don't like to believe it happens, but it happens.
01:41:26.000 Oh yeah, that was real, too.
01:41:28.000 It's all real.
01:41:29.000 That's different.
01:41:31.000 That's just two men standing their ground.
01:41:34.000 With their lips locked.
01:41:36.000 And trying to gain an advantage.
01:41:39.000 Making Valentine's Day plans.
01:41:41.000 By the way, the white guy won.
01:41:43.000 White guy won that one. 0.95
01:41:44.000 Much to dismay of black people everywhere. 0.99
01:41:46.000 You should have butt-checked them. 0.97
01:41:48.000 Much to dismay of Anderson Silva fans.
01:41:51.000 Much to dismay of people who don't like wrestling or butt-checks.
01:41:54.000 Oil checks.
01:41:55.000 Drags.
01:41:56.000 Butt drags. 1.00
01:41:57.000 I'm sure Chris Weidman has been oil checked some time in his life.
01:42:00.000 With the last name like Weidman.
01:42:01.000 That's how you make an animal like that.
01:42:03.000 How dare you! 0.99
01:42:06.000 How dare you! 0.99
01:42:10.000 What is this parody?
01:42:11.000 Can we play your parody video?
01:42:12.000 Yeah, sure if you want.
01:42:13.000 What is it?
01:42:13.000 It's called Not Looking.
01:42:15.000 Not Looking?
01:42:16.000 Yeah.
01:42:16.000 That's fake, Brian.
01:42:18.000 Stop it.
01:42:19.000 What?
01:42:19.000 Jesus!
01:42:20.000 Byron believes everything.
01:42:21.000 Twin Towers.
01:42:22.000 Black helicopters. 1.00
01:42:24.000 That shit's naked. 1.00
01:42:27.000 So this is a parody of... 1.00
01:42:29.000 What's the show called again?
01:42:29.000 Of HBO's hit series, Looking.
01:42:33.000 It's not a hit series.
01:42:35.000 No, it's on its third episode.
01:42:36.000 I can't say it's a hit series.
01:42:37.000 But that's my friend Drew, who's a funny guy from the Groundlings, and we did an L.A. spoof because of the San Francisco trailer, or the trailer they do for this one.
01:42:45.000 Oh, I can't play.
01:42:47.000 The San Francisco one, they're all just like, it's so weird being in your 30s.
01:42:50.000 One of them was like, what's uncircumcised mean?
01:42:53.000 And I'm like, where are you?
01:42:54.000 You're in San Francisco and you don't know what uncircumcised means?
01:42:57.000 So we did a spoof on it.
01:42:58.000 It's like a minute and a half.
01:42:59.000 We had a lot of fun doing it.
01:43:02.000 It's Unfunny or Die.
01:43:03.000 What's it called?
01:43:04.000 What's the name of it?
01:43:05.000 That's it.
01:43:07.000 If someone wants to find it.
01:43:08.000 Oh, Not Looking.
01:43:09.000 This is L.A. It should be so hard to meet an amazing guy.
01:43:12.000 Hey, guys.
01:43:13.000 What's up?
01:43:23.000 Oh, the audio cut out.
01:43:25.000 It did?
01:43:26.000 Yeah.
01:43:29.000 But I love this song, though.
01:43:30.000 The audio cut out?
01:43:31.000 What do you mean?
01:43:32.000 The words.
01:43:34.000 Oh, there it is.
01:43:37.000 Thanks, man.
01:43:39.000 That's the guy from Nashville, the series.
01:43:43.000 Good morning.
01:43:45.000 This might be something people have to see.
01:43:47.000 Yeah, you gotta see it.
01:43:49.000 Yeah, because it's just like a montage. 0.99
01:43:51.000 What the fuck are you playing for me, man? 0.98
01:43:53.000 I'm wondering if I should be clenching my butthole right now based on the visuals that go along with this audio. 0.99
01:44:00.000 It was fun, though. 0.91
01:44:02.000 It was on Huffington Post this afternoon.
01:44:05.000 It's kind of crazy.
01:44:07.000 It's weird.
01:44:07.000 People who are mildly homophobic, if they're listening to that, they would wonder whether or not they should clench.
01:44:12.000 This whole episode, there's Iraqi soldiers pissed off.
01:44:16.000 As long as it's Iraqi, not American soldiers. 1.00
01:44:18.000 I don't give a fuck, okay? 1.00
01:44:20.000 Team America. 0.99
01:44:21.000 Do you think I'm pissing off a lot of your listeners?
01:44:25.000 No.
01:44:25.000 Okay.
01:44:26.000 No.
01:44:27.000 Well, listen.
01:44:27.000 I piss off a certain amount of people every week.
01:44:30.000 Am I the first gay on this podcast? 0.93
01:44:31.000 No.
01:44:32.000 Todd Glass has been on.
01:44:33.000 Melissa Etheridge.
01:44:35.000 Melissa Etheridge.
01:44:40.000 Who else has been gay that's been on? 0.98
01:44:44.000 Brian Dunning, but for other reasons. 0.96
01:44:46.000 Just being gay. 0.99
01:44:48.000 I'm a cool gay.
01:44:50.000 Oh, that feminist guy. 1.00
01:44:53.000 What feminist guy? 1.00
01:44:53.000 Oh, Buck Angel? 1.00
01:44:54.000 No, no. 0.99
01:44:55.000 Buck Angel was a porn star. 0.99
01:44:57.000 We've had him, but no, the one that rape culture guy. 1.00
01:45:01.000 Oh, Jamie's not gay. 0.99
01:45:02.000 How dare you?
01:45:02.000 He's married.
01:45:04.000 Oh, was that the one you got into a fight with?
01:45:06.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:45:07.000 I've had two arguments ever on this whole podcast.
01:45:10.000 One was Brian Dunning and the other was Jamie.
01:45:12.000 But the Jamie argument was based on Daniel Tosh and Daniel Tosh getting in trouble.
01:45:19.000 Yes, I actually saw that episode.
01:45:21.000 I watched that one because that was when he made that rape joke and he was trying to defend it or for it or something like that and you guys just buried him to the ground, didn't you?
01:45:31.000 He didn't make a rape joke.
01:45:33.000 Well, he did in the past, but it was Tosh saying a rape joke.
01:45:38.000 The story was, Tosh is at the Laugh Factory, and he asks, what do you guys want to talk about?
01:45:45.000 And some guy yells out, rape.
01:45:47.000 And then Tosh is going, what is funny about rape?
01:45:51.000 Is it the humiliation?
01:45:52.000 What do you think is funny about rape?
01:45:54.000 And he's just trying to make fun out of this.
01:45:56.000 And some woman goes, actually, nothing's funny about rape. 0.99
01:45:58.000 And he goes, wouldn't it be funny if five guys raped right now? 0.98
01:46:01.000 That's right. 0.98
01:46:01.000 I remember that. 0.98
01:46:02.000 And then, of course, the whole crowd laughs because it's a hilarious thing to say, but this woman wrote a blog, and all these people freaked out.
01:46:08.000 Everyone's a blogger now.
01:46:09.000 They wanted him to apologize, and Jamie took the side of the heckler. 0.87
01:46:13.000 And I said, that's ridiculous.
01:46:16.000 It's so obvious that it was a joke. 0.63
01:46:19.000 And there's all this idea of trigger warnings.
01:46:22.000 The real problem with that show wasn't even the two people disagreed.
01:46:26.000 It was like his depiction of it afterwards was...
01:46:29.000 I think people forget how things actually went sometimes, and then they give their version of it, and then you get to go back and look at the actual words that were said, and then their version of it, and it makes them look deceptive.
01:46:43.000 Sometimes it's not even that they're actually deceptive.
01:46:46.000 What it is is that there's a lot of people out there that are delusional.
01:46:49.000 This Brian Dunning guy that we were talking about that we had that podcast with, his depiction of our podcast and me being a 9-11 truther when I... Clearly said I wasn't.
01:46:59.000 As clear as possible.
01:47:01.000 But he still thinks that somehow or another it's supporting some sort of conspiracy theories.
01:47:09.000 What are you throwing up that's distracting me?
01:47:10.000 That was Jamie Kilstein's latest CD. He has a track called Dude Bros.
01:47:15.000 Get Super Mad When You Say Rape Is Bad.
01:47:18.000 Wait, he's still on it? 0.82
01:47:19.000 He won't let it go?
01:47:21.000 Jesus!
01:47:22.000 I listen to it.
01:47:23.000 Don't buy it.
01:47:24.000 You just listen to it on Spotify.
01:47:25.000 Oh, I don't want to hear it.
01:47:27.000 Who says Dude Bros?
01:47:28.000 Well, that's a way of diminishing anybody who has a contrary opinion.
01:47:32.000 Ugh. 1.00
01:47:32.000 The idea being bros, like men who are like idiots. 1.00
01:47:36.000 Tough. 1.00
01:47:37.000 Tough and masculine. 0.98
01:47:38.000 That's a new way to diminish people's opinions.
01:47:41.000 Like, you're bros.
01:47:42.000 Oh, they're all bros.
01:47:44.000 Yeah.
01:47:44.000 The type of thing that people do if they want to diminish you without just talking about what the actual subject is.
01:47:52.000 It's not that people get upset if you say, don't say rape.
01:47:55.000 That's not what it is. 0.99
01:47:56.000 People get upset if you're hypocritical. 0.84
01:47:58.000 People get upset if you tell a... 0.97
01:48:01.000 Distorted depiction of the actual events and make it so that it favors your point of view and that you were attacked and victimized.
01:48:08.000 People have a real problem in this country with people that play the victim role and a lot of people do it by default and they might not even realize they're doing it by default, but they do.
01:48:18.000 They go into this, you know, I was victimized, these guys got mad at me because I did this.
01:48:23.000 It might not be that.
01:48:24.000 You might have done something annoying.
01:48:26.000 And it's also like, why do people relish so being in these disputes and these debates with people where they feel like they're going to lash out and right a wrong?
01:48:38.000 Because no one wants to be wrong.
01:48:40.000 No one wants to be wrong.
01:48:42.000 Yeah, that's true.
01:48:43.000 Because it's embarrassing.
01:48:44.000 It's belittling.
01:48:46.000 You're definitely right there.
01:48:47.000 People will fight to prove how right they are. 0.99
01:48:51.000 But the problem is, when you do that, if you fucking... 0.98
01:48:54.000 There's a recording of you being wrong. 0.99
01:48:56.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99
01:48:57.000 Damn, that makes you look bad, Brian Dunning. 1.00
01:49:00.000 Goddamn, that makes you look bad. 1.00
01:49:02.000 It makes you look bad. 1.00
01:49:04.000 It's bad for you.
01:49:05.000 It's bad for your thinking.
01:49:06.000 It's bad for your mind. 0.60
01:49:08.000 When you give a distorted depiction of the events and people can clearly see that, they go, oh, this guy's brain's broken.
01:49:14.000 This guy's so warped by ego, he doesn't see what actually happened.
01:49:18.000 And it's clearly still not over it and still...
01:49:22.000 Well, Jamie's a comic.
01:49:26.000 Jamie's also a progressive guy and he's trying to do the right thing.
01:49:29.000 I don't have any problem with Jamie.
01:49:32.000 I like him.
01:49:33.000 I really do.
01:49:34.000 He's an odd guy.
01:49:35.000 We don't agree on a lot of things, but I think he's a good person.
01:49:37.000 I really do.
01:49:38.000 I just think that these depictions of this scenario, it's like this very...
01:49:48.000 There's, like, this very progressive point of view that is, like, very rigid, and then there's this other point of view that either is, like, super douchey masculine that hates the progressive point of view, and then there's moderates that sort of get lumped into that super douchey macho frame of mind just because they disagree with,
01:50:09.000 like, the uber-progressive point of view.
01:50:11.000 And I don't think it's that black and white.
01:50:13.000 You know, I think especially with something like rape jokes.
01:50:17.000 All rape jokes aren't funny. 0.98
01:50:19.000 The only rape jokes that are funny are funny ones. 0.99
01:50:22.000 Just like all murder jokes aren't funny.
01:50:24.000 The only funny murder jokes are funny murder jokes.
01:50:27.000 That's the ones that are funny. 0.99
01:50:28.000 Just like all jokes about fucking ice cream aren't funny. 0.99
01:50:30.000 And if you tell me a bad joke about ice cream, it's more offensive than a good rape joke. 1.00
01:50:34.000 Yeah. 0.69
01:50:35.000 Absolutely.
01:50:36.000 Sorry.
01:50:36.000 I'm sorry.
01:50:37.000 People don't want to hear that, but a joke about rape... 0.69
01:50:40.000 I see what you're saying, though.
01:50:41.000 Rape is a part of life, and it's not a good part of life. 0.99
01:50:44.000 It's awful.
01:50:44.000 And it's not something you should promote.
01:50:46.000 But the idea that saying a joke about rape somehow or another promotes rape is crazy.
01:50:52.000 It's a joke.
01:50:53.000 And the idea that it becomes a part of this culture...
01:50:55.000 Yeah, no.
01:50:56.000 It's crazy, too.
01:50:57.000 It's not a culture of rape. 1.00
01:50:59.000 There's assholes that commit rape in our culture. 1.00
01:51:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:51:02.000 I do a joke about having a rape whistle...
01:51:06.000 It didn't work?
01:51:07.000 No, no, no, it does.
01:51:09.000 Because it's a very visual thing.
01:51:11.000 You have to come check me out and see it.
01:51:14.000 But I act it out.
01:51:16.000 I grab it off my nightstand and I just go...
01:51:19.000 And it's a visual.
01:51:21.000 And everyone dies.
01:51:23.000 Guys, girls, it's one of those things.
01:51:24.000 And I'm like, but that's the thing.
01:51:25.000 I'm blowing a rape whistle.
01:51:27.000 I never get that backlash.
01:51:30.000 I mean, anything's a joke now.
01:51:31.000 I get offended.
01:51:33.000 I mean, people ask me because a lot of people talk about gay people on stage and gay jokes and stuff like that.
01:51:37.000 And I don't get offended at them because I know it's part of the business.
01:51:43.000 It's one of those, I mean, how many times do I hear the N-word on stage?
01:51:46.000 How many times do I hear everything?
01:51:48.000 It's part of who we are.
01:51:50.000 If it's a bad joke and if I think it's unnecessary, yeah, I'll say something and be like, hey, that kind of didn't work.
01:51:56.000 But at the same time, I think those jokes are kind of...
01:52:01.000 Winding down now, because I mean, if you say anything about... 0.93
01:52:04.000 I mean, I've heard the word fag on stage, and you'll hear the audience just quiet, just a death eater, just sucked out all the life. 1.00
01:52:15.000 They're very aware. 0.96
01:52:17.000 Yeah.
01:52:17.000 So that's kind of cool, because I like that whole progressive mentality.
01:52:20.000 I mean, you can say gay people, whatever, but it's like, you can't say that word now.
01:52:25.000 It's like, ugh.
01:52:26.000 Like if Kinnison did that old bit that he did about AIDS. You remember that Kinnison bit?
01:52:32.000 Vaguely.
01:52:32.000 He had a bit about AIDS. It was really controversial.
01:52:37.000 And it got him in a lot of trouble.
01:52:38.000 It was his second album. 1.00
01:52:40.000 And he was like, just because a few fags fucked a monkey, I gotta wear a condom? 1.00
01:52:46.000 But that was the time. 1.00
01:52:48.000 That was the time. 0.98
01:52:49.000 He was talking about how AIDS is a gay disease. 0.92
01:52:54.000 They say AIDS is a heterosexual disease. 1.00
01:52:56.000 Straight guys can die too. 1.00
01:52:58.000 Straight guys can die too, Sam. 1.00
01:53:00.000 Yeah. 0.94
01:53:01.000 And he was like, name one! 1.00
01:53:02.000 Name one fucking guy! 1.00
01:53:03.000 It's not our dance! 1.00
01:53:06.000 It's not our dance.
01:53:07.000 Just cause a few facts. 1.00
01:53:08.000 Fuck the monkey. 1.00
01:53:09.000 Damn, that's a good impression. 1.00
01:53:12.000 Yeah, it was a really good impression. 0.99
01:53:13.000 It's not that good.
01:53:14.000 It'd be better if I heard him.
01:53:15.000 There's a dude that did the Stern Show.
01:53:17.000 He used to do it.
01:53:18.000 Oh, Craig Glass.
01:53:19.000 He does the most insane Kinnison impression.
01:53:21.000 You think Kinnison is in the room.
01:53:23.000 If you closed your eyes, you would really think it's Kinnison.
01:53:26.000 It's really quite freaky.
01:53:27.000 That guy does spooky impressions.
01:53:30.000 But yeah, people are definitely becoming more...
01:53:34.000 I'm more sensitive to these things.
01:53:36.000 People were upset at me this weekend because I said that I was a retard during a broadcast.
01:53:41.000 I was talking to Uriah Faber.
01:53:43.000 Uriah Faber fought Hen and Baral for the Bantamweight title, and Baral's one of the best fighters on the planet.
01:53:50.000 Baral hurt Uriah, and Uriah is as well, but he hurt Uriah pretty bad in the first round, and the referee stopped the fight early.
01:53:58.000 Uriah was still trying to recover and he was hanging on.
01:54:01.000 He was giving the referee the thumbs up, telling him he's okay.
01:54:03.000 The referee stopped the fight and the crowd went nuts.
01:54:05.000 Like it's over?
01:54:06.000 Yes, the fight was over.
01:54:08.000 He was definitely hurt, but it was a premature stoppage and most people agree that it was a big mistake.
01:54:14.000 So I was in the octagon and I was interviewing Uriah and I felt...
01:54:19.000 Real bad for the guy.
01:54:20.000 I mean, this was like a huge opportunity for him.
01:54:23.000 The fight got stopped early, and he's known as being like a really tough guy that could bounce back, and you know, he just, you could see like he really felt disappointed that the fight ended the way it ended.
01:54:32.000 And he was bringing up his teammates, and I said, what about Chad Mendes, who's actually in the wrong weight class?
01:54:38.000 He goes, he's in a different weight class.
01:54:39.000 I go, I want to like...
01:54:41.000 You're right. 0.93
01:54:41.000 I'm a retard. 0.93
01:54:42.000 That's what I said while I was interviewing him. 0.95
01:54:45.000 I shouldn't have said it.
01:54:47.000 You shouldn't say that on television.
01:54:49.000 It's not quote-unquote professional.
01:54:52.000 I only said it because I was flustered.
01:54:56.000 I was into this thing where I felt bad for the guy and I didn't know what to say.
01:55:00.000 What am I going to say to the guy?
01:55:01.000 The guy just had his dreams dashed.
01:55:04.000 He's 34 years of age.
01:55:05.000 And I did say the wrong name.
01:55:07.000 I did give the wrong weight class out, which is very unusual for me.
01:55:10.000 I'm usually really good at that stuff. 0.99
01:55:12.000 But, you know, you can only have so much information in your fucking brain, and sometimes it gets shuffled around, and sometimes it gets shuffled around on the fly on television, and you fuck up. 0.99
01:55:20.000 So I call myself a retard because I'm a self-deprecating person. 1.00
01:55:23.000 And everyone lost their mind. 0.80
01:55:24.000 Well, some people got upset at it. 0.92
01:55:25.000 I shouldn't have used retard. 1.00
01:55:26.000 And they're right.
01:55:27.000 I absolutely shouldn't have.
01:55:28.000 You're 100% right.
01:55:29.000 I apologize for using it.
01:55:31.000 But I do use that word all the time, and I use that all the time about myself in a self-deprecating way. 0.98
01:55:38.000 I could call myself an idiot. 0.99
01:55:39.000 The idea that I'm calling myself retarded is if retarded is a disease. 1.00
01:55:44.000 Down syndrome is the disease. 0.78
01:55:46.000 I'm not saying I have Down syndrome. 0.99
01:55:47.000 I'm saying retarded, like I'm slow. 1.00
01:55:49.000 I mean, that is not a technical medical term. 0.99
01:55:53.000 And when I'm using it to describe myself in a derogatory manner of being an idiot, I'm not going to listen to you, okay? 0.99
01:56:00.000 I'm going to keep calling myself a retard. 1.00
01:56:01.000 I think that is so silly that we're getting so fucking minute with our fucking criticisms of people. 1.00
01:56:10.000 You can't call yourself a retard. 1.00
01:56:11.000 There's a new one. 1.00
01:56:12.000 It's one thing if you call yourself a nigger. 0.97
01:56:13.000 I'd be like, you might not want to do that. 0.98
01:56:15.000 Yeah, don't do that.
01:56:16.000 That seems like people could get offended. 0.89
01:56:17.000 I just like, my balls just went inside me when you said that. 0.98
01:56:19.000 Maybe I just ruined my own argument. 0.98
01:56:20.000 Maybe I just threw my own argument out the way.
01:56:22.000 Well, there's a new argument.
01:56:23.000 It's like, right there, I did.
01:56:24.000 Didn't I kind of crush my own argument?
01:56:26.000 In a way.
01:56:26.000 In a way, I did.
01:56:27.000 Like, why should I be able to call myself a retard?
01:56:30.000 If retard is offensive, to call someone else a retard, is it the word?
01:56:34.000 The word's totally taboo now?
01:56:36.000 Maybe.
01:56:36.000 There's a new one.
01:56:37.000 There's the new word.
01:56:38.000 What's the new one?
01:56:40.000 Transgender?
01:56:40.000 No.
01:56:41.000 Well, yeah.
01:56:41.000 Twink?
01:56:42.000 No.
01:56:42.000 Can't say twink.
01:56:43.000 Remember that?
01:56:43.000 Andy Cohen got in trouble for saying twink.
01:56:45.000 You can say twink, though.
01:56:46.000 No, you can't!
01:56:46.000 Yes, you can.
01:56:47.000 No, you're going to get me in trouble with a twink. 1.00
01:56:48.000 Everyone, all at once.
01:56:50.000 No!
01:56:52.000 Twink! 0.98
01:56:52.000 It's Andy Cohen from Bravo, right? 0.98
01:56:54.000 Oh, Andy, come on. 0.84
01:56:56.000 Who is gay, by the way?
01:56:58.000 Are you telling me?
01:56:59.000 No, but it's for the people who don't know.
01:57:01.000 Oh, yeah, Andy, yeah.
01:57:02.000 He said twink, and he had to apologize.
01:57:04.000 That's... 1.00
01:57:04.000 Bullshit. 1.00
01:57:05.000 I got my brother Andy on this one. 1.00
01:57:08.000 That is a group of people that name was developed for the gay community.
01:57:20.000 There's twink and bear. 0.51
01:57:22.000 Then you shouldn't say bear.
01:57:23.000 Then you shouldn't say otter.
01:57:25.000 Then you shouldn't say... 1.00
01:57:27.000 Slut cum pig. 1.00
01:57:28.000 I don't know what there is. 1.00
01:57:29.000 Is him saying twink like a black guy using the word nigger? 0.98
01:57:33.000 No. 0.99
01:57:34.000 No.
01:57:35.000 It's not.
01:57:35.000 Twink.
01:57:36.000 Twink is not offensive.
01:57:38.000 No.
01:57:38.000 It's kind of cute.
01:57:39.000 I get, you know, I get called.
01:57:41.000 I'd like to think of myself as an older twink.
01:57:44.000 I'm a twonk.
01:57:45.000 But you're tall.
01:57:46.000 You're tall.
01:57:46.000 Twinkies be a little lighter.
01:57:47.000 I'm actually no animal.
01:57:49.000 If anybody from the Death Squad family could classify me as an animal, I will go through your choices and establish myself as starting that.
01:57:56.000 No, but Gaboray Sidibe.
01:57:59.000 What?
01:57:59.000 Precious.
01:58:01.000 The girl from Precious.
01:58:02.000 Oh, okay.
01:58:03.000 Gaboray Sidibe. 0.99
01:58:04.000 Only gay man would know that, by the way. 0.96
01:58:06.000 Well, not really.
01:58:07.000 I have some of my friends who call her Anime Cinnabon, which I think is actually kind of a fun name.
01:58:11.000 But she got into trouble because she used the word tranny repeatedly on...
01:58:15.000 I think it was Arsenio.
01:58:17.000 But she was just dropping it left and right. 0.53
01:58:20.000 And that's one of those words to me, because I think that's the new word that everyone's like, you can't say that now.
01:58:26.000 You can't say that word.
01:58:28.000 I've been hearing that word for years.
01:58:30.000 I've heard transsexual people, transgender people using that word.
01:58:36.000 But they're trying because it's one of those things where the transgender community is trying to make a very, very poignant word.
01:58:44.000 And just be like, we are part of this community, you know, we're tired of it.
01:58:48.000 One of my friends who was on RuPaul's Drag Race, we actually did that podcast with Red Band when Raja was a guest.
01:58:57.000 One of her drag queen contestants named Carmen Carrera, who is gorgeous! 1.00
01:59:04.000 Pull up a picture of Carmen Carrera right now.
01:59:06.000 Don't do it.
01:59:07.000 It's stunning.
01:59:08.000 I'm going to get my sunglasses on.
01:59:08.000 No, no, no.
01:59:09.000 No, you turn to stone.
01:59:10.000 You don't even understand.
01:59:11.000 She's not Medusa. 0.98
01:59:12.000 If you're a straight guy.
01:59:13.000 No, you're going to be like... 0.97
01:59:15.000 But transgendered is now picketing... 0.95
01:59:19.000 Not picketing, that's a horrible word.
01:59:20.000 She is trying to get Victoria's Secret to make her the first transgendered model. 0.60
01:59:26.000 So I think...
01:59:27.000 But I don't think the word...
01:59:28.000 I hear the word tranny. 0.95
01:59:30.000 I've heard drag queens call each other trannies. 1.00
01:59:33.000 I just think it's...
01:59:33.000 Everyone's being very, very sensitive.
01:59:35.000 Well, people love to call you out on shit, and they love to get you in something that you were wrong. 1.00
01:59:40.000 That's a transgender chick? 1.00
01:59:41.000 Yep.
01:59:42.000 Carmen Carrera! 0.98
01:59:44.000 She's amazing.
01:59:45.000 I love her.
01:59:46.000 She does have kind of a thick neck, though. 1.00
01:59:48.000 Yeah.
01:59:49.000 But gorgeous.
01:59:50.000 I mean...
01:59:51.000 How deep's her voice?
01:59:52.000 No.
01:59:53.000 Sounds like a girl. 0.92
01:59:54.000 Hey, guys.
01:59:56.000 She's post-op?
01:59:59.000 You better know.
02:00:01.000 No, no, no. 0.97
02:00:02.000 It has boobs and everything, but I think is... 0.82
02:00:04.000 I don't know if she's had the surgery or not. 0.94
02:00:08.000 She is hot. 1.00
02:00:09.000 It's called the full package.
02:00:11.000 If they haven't had the operation, instead of being a glass half empty, let's just call it the full package.
02:00:16.000 I've heard a lot of people learn into that.
02:00:18.000 The full package?
02:00:19.000 Yeah, I bet.
02:00:20.000 There's a lot of anime porn online with the full package. 1.00
02:00:22.000 Giant dicks, big fake titties. 1.00
02:00:25.000 And it's like, what are you trying to fucking do? 1.00
02:00:30.000 What is going on in your cellar? 0.99
02:00:33.000 What's your mixed message?
02:00:34.000 I know.
02:00:35.000 Yeah, she's stunning. 1.00
02:00:35.000 I love her. 1.00
02:00:36.000 We had a transgender woman on the man show.
02:00:41.000 And we had this thing.
02:00:42.000 Her name was Vanity. 1.00
02:00:43.000 We had two.
02:00:44.000 Gia and Vanity.
02:00:45.000 Yeah.
02:00:47.000 Both very nice people.
02:00:48.000 But the Vanity chick... 1.00
02:00:50.000 We had this box attached to dudes' dicks, and the box was, it goes to show you how stupid sensors and standards of practice people are. 0.99
02:01:00.000 Doug and I, we created this game show called Make Me Hard. 0.99
02:01:03.000 And the game show was, you would have a box over your dick, and then we'd have a bunch of things happen in front of you, and then we obviously control whether the bulb lights up or not. 0.99
02:01:12.000 So, like, you know, we have, like, women dancing around, nothing. 1.00
02:01:17.000 A dude eating a banana, ding, the box goes, like, pretend you got a card on it.
02:01:21.000 Oh, that's cool.
02:01:22.000 That's a good social experiment.
02:01:24.000 But it was fake.
02:01:25.000 It was obviously just a sketch.
02:01:26.000 Let's do a real one.
02:01:26.000 But here's where it gets fake.
02:01:28.000 This vanity chick comes out. 1.00
02:01:29.000 She's gorgeous.
02:01:30.000 I mean, she's like a 10. And she's putting whipped cream on her nipples. 1.00
02:01:34.000 The guy's sucking it off. 1.00
02:01:36.000 Everybody's going crazy. 1.00
02:01:37.000 But the light is not going on. 1.00
02:01:39.000 And then she pulls her pants down and she's got a dick. 1.00
02:01:41.000 And the whole crowd sees it and goes fucking crazy. 1.00
02:01:44.000 It was the loudest sound of disappointment I've ever heard collectively from 300 men. 0.97
02:01:50.000 It was just...
02:01:53.000 And of course, that's when the light goes off. 1.00
02:01:55.000 His dick's hard as a rock. 1.00
02:01:57.000 It's silly. 1.00
02:01:58.000 It was silly. 0.91
02:01:58.000 But it's true. 0.91
02:01:59.000 I've heard a lot of stories about people who are into that, like straight bros. 1.00
02:02:05.000 What was silly was that you could have this girl pull her dick out. 1.00
02:02:10.000 But what you couldn't do is say the word hard. 1.00
02:02:12.000 They wouldn't approve Hard.
02:02:14.000 They wanted it to be Make Me Stiff.
02:02:15.000 They made us change the title.
02:02:17.000 Stiff.
02:02:17.000 They're like, Make Me Hard is just too offensive.
02:02:19.000 We're like, what are you talking about?
02:02:20.000 I think Make Me Stiff is way more offensive than Hard.
02:02:22.000 They just want to change things. 1.00
02:02:23.000 They're just morons. 1.00
02:02:24.000 It's just moron talk. 1.00
02:02:26.000 Just dummies who want to go, what about Move This Around? 1.00
02:02:29.000 I want the lamp to be here.
02:02:31.000 Well, if the room didn't have the lamp there, the room wouldn't be the room.
02:02:35.000 I put the lamp there.
02:02:36.000 I made the room.
02:02:36.000 They were going to have no lamp, and I made them put the lamp there.
02:02:39.000 I walked in that room, and I said, it needs a lamp.
02:02:41.000 Well, you've always been good at figuring out which room needs lamps.
02:02:44.000 That's my skill.
02:02:45.000 I might not be funny, but I know where the funny belongs.
02:02:48.000 You can't say hard.
02:02:49.000 You've got to say fiam.
02:02:50.000 Who made it better?
02:02:51.000 Who made it better? 1.00
02:02:52.000 I put my greasy little fucking chubby donut fingers all over everything. 1.00
02:02:56.000 In the butt. 1.00
02:02:56.000 Stank it. 1.00
02:02:57.000 I oil-checked the whole show. 1.00
02:02:59.000 But the point is, everybody in the audience, before she pulled her dick out, everybody in the audience thought it was the hottest bitch on the planet. 1.00
02:03:05.000 Beautiful legs and beautiful face, long hair. 1.00
02:03:10.000 Boom.
02:03:11.000 Whoa.
02:03:13.000 Some epic thunder.
02:03:16.000 The schlong heard round the world.
02:03:19.000 Yeah, but you're definitely right.
02:03:21.000 There's something weird with the morphs. 0.96
02:03:24.000 The anime morphs. 1.00
02:03:25.000 Giant dicks and big fake titties and having sex with women. 1.00
02:03:28.000 It's like, what is this? 1.00
02:03:29.000 No, having sex with guys. 0.97
02:03:30.000 That too sometimes. 0.99
02:03:31.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:03:31.000 Having sex with everybody. 0.99
02:03:33.000 Everybody's having sex. 0.99
02:03:34.000 That's just one of those things.
02:03:35.000 Why are that going around?
02:03:37.000 Why are that going around?
02:03:38.000 I've got a date tonight, so... 0.88
02:03:40.000 Do you do ass-to-mouth ever, Justin? 1.00
02:03:43.000 Easy, fuckface. 1.00
02:03:45.000 Um... 0.99
02:03:49.000 There's no need to divulge that information.
02:03:51.000 A boy's got to have secrets.
02:03:53.000 There's got to be a little mystery.
02:03:54.000 As the green light goes off in Redman's corner.
02:03:56.000 He's a child.
02:03:57.000 Trust me.
02:03:58.000 You don't want to take questions from that guy.
02:04:00.000 Do you mean, do I ever human centipede?
02:04:03.000 What is the policy in the gay community as far as outing people that are in the closet?
02:04:08.000 Is it considered to be a douche move?
02:04:12.000 That's a good question.
02:04:14.000 Like, say, if, you know, this guy, and, you know, he's pretending to be straight, maybe he has a few boyfriends, but he says a few homophobic things, trying to throw people off the trail, then is it a green light?
02:04:26.000 No.
02:04:26.000 Because he says homophobic things?
02:04:28.000 Yes.
02:04:29.000 Then it's a green light.
02:04:30.000 I'll say...
02:04:31.000 Oh, that's a really good question, Joe.
02:04:34.000 That's a...
02:04:34.000 It's one of those things where...
02:04:37.000 It's like a...
02:04:40.000 My philosophy is that everybody has their own journey.
02:04:44.000 Let everyone do what they want to do.
02:04:46.000 That's a good philosophy.
02:04:47.000 It's not my time to say, I mean, I love you.
02:04:50.000 If I'm a friend of yours, I will love you no matter what.
02:04:52.000 That's just the person I am.
02:04:54.000 I won't. 1.00
02:04:55.000 If I catch you eating babies, I'll beat the fuck out of you. 1.00
02:04:57.000 That sucks, because I love a good bacon baby. 1.00
02:05:00.000 I love a good bacon baby. 0.92
02:05:03.000 Everybody's journey is different, whatever, but it's one of those things where it's like, if you've got some demons or you've got some issues and you're coming after my people, and then I know some things, I'm just going to be like, alright, you know.
02:05:17.000 Yeah, that's how I feel.
02:05:18.000 It's game on.
02:05:19.000 That's how I feel about the whole outing thing.
02:05:23.000 It's sad.
02:05:24.000 At the end of the day, it's just sad.
02:05:26.000 It is definitely sad.
02:05:27.000 It's so pitiful to hate on a certain group of people when you're doing this, when you're part of that.
02:05:34.000 It's just like...
02:05:35.000 What?
02:05:36.000 Well, they're just self-loathing and they're trying to throw people off the trail.
02:05:39.000 Yeah, it's pitiful. 0.99
02:05:40.000 It's like, you ever talk to, I mean, God, it's so common, like, you ever talk to girls that are sluts? 1.00
02:05:46.000 And I don't want to say anything wrong with sluts. 0.99
02:05:48.000 No, never. 1.00
02:05:48.000 I don't want to slut shame, but sluts love to talk shit about other sluts. 1.00
02:05:52.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:05:52.000 Okay, and by the way, I'm a fan of sluts. 1.00
02:05:54.000 I love it. 1.00
02:05:55.000 Maybe I shouldn't say the word slut. 1.00
02:05:56.000 Maybe a slut will go into the same box as retard. 1.00
02:05:58.000 Is that the new twink? 1.00
02:05:59.000 Is retard and tranny? 0.99
02:06:00.000 We would all be lumped in together with Twink. 1.00
02:06:03.000 But there's girls who will do wild sexual shit. 1.00
02:06:10.000 They're one of the first to talk shit about other girls doing wild sexual shit. 1.00
02:06:14.000 Stacey's a whore. 1.00
02:06:15.000 That's a fucking whore. 1.00
02:06:16.000 And then you look over and there she is blowing a dude. 1.00
02:06:19.000 Jerking a guy off. 0.50
02:06:20.000 In the bar at the comedy store.
02:06:21.000 You're like, what are you doing? 1.00
02:06:23.000 That fucking whore. 1.00
02:06:23.000 I'll stab her. 1.00
02:06:25.000 She steals my guys. 1.00
02:06:27.000 But at least, look, that's like less of a secret, I guess.
02:06:31.000 Is that less of a secret?
02:06:32.000 Yeah, it's less of a secret than being gay.
02:06:34.000 Like, when you have a situation like Ted Haggard, that guy who was the priest, who turns out he was higher...
02:06:41.000 All this pro-family, anti-gay. 0.96
02:06:43.000 Mega church. 0.95
02:06:44.000 Yeah.
02:06:45.000 I mean, working really hard against gay rights. 1.00
02:06:48.000 Meanwhile, having gay sex with prostitutes, doing meth. 1.00
02:06:52.000 When that kind of shit gets outed, I'm all for it. 1.00
02:06:55.000 I'm all for it. 1.00
02:06:56.000 I'm like, but it...
02:06:58.000 That is perversion. 0.99
02:07:01.000 They call gay people perverts. 0.99
02:07:03.000 I'm like, no. 0.99
02:07:04.000 What we do is we want to have kids.
02:07:06.000 We want to have rights.
02:07:07.000 We want to drive an SUV. I'm with you up to the SUV. No, I mean like having kids.
02:07:14.000 I feel like that's the kid car.
02:07:16.000 That's why I draw the line.
02:07:17.000 Queers and trucks. 1.00
02:07:19.000 No fucking way. 1.00
02:07:20.000 But when you take it to that extreme where it's like bathroom... 0.99
02:07:23.000 Meth use, and then you're going to preach God's word? 0.71
02:07:27.000 What?
02:07:28.000 I mean, it's like the, what's her name?
02:07:31.000 The Bachmans. 0.98
02:07:32.000 Those dickwads. 0.74
02:07:34.000 No, that guy's awesome. 0.96
02:07:35.000 Marcus?
02:07:36.000 Yeah, he's just a cute little teddy bear.
02:07:38.000 First of all, he's very heterosexual.
02:07:40.000 Maybe the most heterosexual man ever.
02:07:42.000 Sure, yeah.
02:07:43.000 There's no way that guy's gay. 0.98
02:07:44.000 I don't get it at all.
02:07:45.000 There's no way.
02:07:46.000 Him, Hal Sparks, no way.
02:07:48.000 No, Hal Sparks, by the way, I think you're straight.
02:07:50.000 If you tell me you're straight, I'll say you're straight. 0.97
02:07:52.000 House parks, I love you.
02:07:53.000 I mean, hey, if he's straight and, you know... 0.66
02:07:56.000 I bet he is!
02:07:56.000 Easy!
02:07:56.000 Settle down!
02:07:57.000 I didn't say he was not.
02:07:58.000 I don't know him, personally.
02:07:59.000 I think he's totally straight.
02:08:01.000 Yeah, I think he is too. 1.00
02:08:02.000 He's a great ass. 1.00
02:08:02.000 But he's not an asshole. 1.00
02:08:03.000 You know, this Ted Haggard guy or any of these guys that do it, that's got to be a really, like, self-loathing place. 0.91
02:08:10.000 Yeah. 0.90
02:08:10.000 To be, like, a gay person and to be, like, angry and twisted about it and lash out. 0.90
02:08:16.000 Like, that one, what is it, Larry Craig? 0.95
02:08:18.000 Was that his name?
02:08:19.000 The congressman?
02:08:20.000 It was a senator or congressman that got busted doing the thing underneath the stall.
02:08:23.000 Oh, yeah, the tapping the toes, yeah.
02:08:26.000 That old trick.
02:08:28.000 The old speakeasy days. 0.98
02:08:30.000 Hey, boy, you gotta shoot, I can tap.
02:08:32.000 Before the internet, we had a thing we used to do.
02:08:34.000 It's called playing footsie.
02:08:35.000 I mean, that's a whole generation.
02:08:39.000 I don't know if that's a generation.
02:08:40.000 Like, bathhouses, that kind of thing. 0.69
02:08:42.000 That's like...
02:08:42.000 Well, that's still going on, isn't it?
02:08:45.000 Yes.
02:08:45.000 Don't you guys get together?
02:08:46.000 Well, according to Bathhouse Weekly...
02:08:48.000 Buttfuck each other with masks on. 1.00
02:08:50.000 It has to be fun to pick up guys. 0.96
02:08:52.000 Like, if you want to get laid, it's probably so much easier.
02:08:54.000 You know what I mean?
02:08:55.000 Oh, yeah. 0.96
02:08:55.000 To just like, hey, I'm going to go to the bus stop and do my little gay... 0.96
02:09:07.000 We have a three hour fucking podcast. 1.00
02:09:11.000 You gotta eat with a mouthful of food? 1.00
02:09:16.000 You monster. 0.99
02:09:18.000 You're like, is it really easy to get laid? 1.00
02:09:21.000 When you suck the cocks, you slobber a lot. 1.00
02:09:24.000 You're like a dry cocksucker. 1.00
02:09:26.000 Oh, God. 1.00
02:09:28.000 Yeah, it must be way easier to get laid.
02:09:30.000 I mean, it's the same.
02:09:31.000 I think it's easy to get laid.
02:09:33.000 You guys have Tinder, for God's sakes.
02:09:35.000 I've seen so many of you guys.
02:09:37.000 Tinder?
02:09:37.000 What's Tinder?
02:09:38.000 Tinder.
02:09:39.000 Website?
02:09:39.000 Is that what you're saying?
02:09:40.000 Straight grinder.
02:09:41.000 So Tinder, you just hook up? 1.00
02:09:43.000 You just say, who wants to fuck? 1.00
02:09:44.000 Well, I think so. 1.00
02:09:46.000 Who wants AIDS? In La Jolla this weekend, I was with one of my buddies, and he was showing me, because I'd never really seen Tinder, and it looks so complicated.
02:09:56.000 It's so easy.
02:09:57.000 No, but it's like you've got to swipe this way, and then you've got to do this, and then you can scroll more.
02:10:01.000 I'm like, with ours, it's just like, eh, all right, come on.
02:10:05.000 So with yours, with Grindr, say if you're in a town...
02:10:08.000 Here, let's get on it right now, shall we?
02:10:10.000 No.
02:10:11.000 Brian, put that down.
02:10:12.000 If you're in Ohio, okay, and you want to get your freak on, say you're doing a gig in Columbus, you can just pull up your app and say, do you have a picture of yourself on it?
02:10:23.000 Yeah.
02:10:24.000 Look, I'll show you.
02:10:25.000 Have you ever had a fan?
02:10:27.000 Yeah.
02:10:28.000 Yeah.
02:10:29.000 Yeah, that's why I have to kind of, I think I have to kind of like get, I have to wean myself.
02:10:33.000 Not that I'm like an avid Grindr user, but yeah.
02:10:37.000 What's avid?
02:10:37.000 More than twice a day?
02:10:39.000 No, no, no, no.
02:10:40.000 I rarely, rarely, rarely meet up with people.
02:10:44.000 Once a week?
02:10:45.000 Every night, don't you?
02:10:46.000 No.
02:10:47.000 How often do you use the grinder?
02:10:48.000 Let's not throw him under the bus, though. 1.00
02:10:51.000 Ruining the guy's fucking game. 0.99
02:10:52.000 This one is, this is my, um... 1.00
02:10:55.000 This is B. He goes, uh...
02:11:00.000 Hey there, what's going on?
02:11:01.000 I go, not a whole lot, you?
02:11:03.000 How's your Monday? 0.99
02:11:04.000 Hey, listen, maybe B doesn't want you reading out his shit on the air, man. 0.99
02:11:07.000 No, no, no. 0.99
02:11:07.000 I'm not saying we're... 0.99
02:11:08.000 No complaints.
02:11:09.000 Worked early.
02:11:09.000 Had the afternoon to myself.
02:11:11.000 Just making dinner now.
02:11:12.000 I'm very sexy.
02:11:14.000 And he goes, I'm B. Nice to meet you.
02:11:17.000 What did you make?
02:11:18.000 And I'm like, I made a blackened chicken pesto pasta.
02:11:21.000 The only thing grocery...
02:11:21.000 Do you hear the sex coming up?
02:11:23.000 Guys trying to pick up girls is guys trying to pick up guys. 1.00
02:11:26.000 You're about to make me fucking throw up. 1.00
02:11:29.000 Just with the mundaneness of your fucking interaction. 1.00
02:11:31.000 I was hoping it was way more fun. 1.00
02:11:33.000 No, no, no. 1.00
02:11:33.000 Like, who wants this dick? 1.00
02:11:35.000 There's a picture of some dick. 1.00
02:11:36.000 What I'm saying, guys. 1.00
02:11:37.000 I got it.
02:11:37.000 I'm on the corner.
02:11:38.000 No, no, no.
02:11:39.000 And the guy drives by with his pants off.
02:11:42.000 That's how you think it would be.
02:11:43.000 That's how I talk to girls. 1.00
02:11:45.000 No, see, I'm a lesbian.
02:11:45.000 That's what I wanted to say.
02:11:46.000 I'm just a big old lesbian. 1.00
02:11:48.000 Yeah, you're about making dinner and shit. 1.00
02:11:49.000 You got pesto. 1.00
02:11:51.000 Fresh garlic.
02:11:52.000 It's such a scene now.
02:11:54.000 I don't know.
02:11:56.000 It's such a scene?
02:11:57.000 It's such a scene now about the whole just hooking up.
02:12:00.000 Is it?
02:12:00.000 Maybe I want a little more.
02:12:01.000 We don't know this.
02:12:02.000 We don't know this.
02:12:03.000 Maybe I want a little more.
02:12:04.000 We're on the outside.
02:12:05.000 We only talk to you guys very briefly about your sex life.
02:12:08.000 Then we run away.
02:12:08.000 I'm the unicorn in the room.
02:12:10.000 We run away.
02:12:11.000 We clean our hands.
02:12:12.000 Just run your body through a car wash.
02:12:15.000 Yeah, we keep that Purell and I spray it in my mouth.
02:12:18.000 Hey, we do the same with you guys, so don't worry about it.
02:12:22.000 I'm actually leaving here and taking a nice hot shower.
02:12:28.000 Good move, dude.
02:12:29.000 You should get a scrub.
02:12:29.000 Go to a car wash.
02:12:31.000 Just a nice steel wool pad.
02:12:34.000 Ew, straightness!
02:12:36.000 No, I love straight people.
02:12:38.000 Have you ever sneezed and poop came out? 1.00
02:12:44.000 He told you, you dumb fuck. 1.00
02:12:46.000 He told you he's a top. 1.00
02:12:47.000 No, I'm not from your mouth. 0.98
02:12:51.000 God, why did you have to get gross? 0.98
02:12:53.000 Because he's a child.
02:12:55.000 I know.
02:12:55.000 And yes, I have.
02:12:56.000 Just think about what you're about to say for an extra five seconds.
02:13:01.000 Just think about it for an extra five seconds.
02:13:03.000 Oh, I get it.
02:13:05.000 Yeah. 0.71
02:13:07.000 I just think sex is just... 0.92
02:13:08.000 Sex is just... 0.98
02:13:10.000 I think it's gross either way, you know? 1.00
02:13:11.000 Fluids and blood and poop and cum. 0.97
02:13:16.000 Well, but you do it, though, still. 0.98
02:13:18.000 Yeah, we're animals.
02:13:19.000 You gotta do what you gotta do.
02:13:20.000 We're beasts.
02:13:20.000 It's gross when you don't need it.
02:13:22.000 When you need it, it's exactly what the doctor ordered.
02:13:24.000 Yeah, that's true. 1.00
02:13:26.000 Did you like pussy when you had it? 1.00
02:13:29.000 Um... 1.00
02:13:30.000 No.
02:13:31.000 So it feels bad to you?
02:13:33.000 No, it didn't feel bad. 1.00
02:13:34.000 It wasn't like I'm shoving my dick in between a sandpaper Arby's sandwich, but it was so gross. 0.99
02:13:42.000 No, it was nice, but it was just like... 0.99
02:13:44.000 Well, you just weren't attracted to girls.
02:13:45.000 Yeah.
02:13:46.000 Or you were sort of attracted to them.
02:13:48.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:13:49.000 It was one of those things like, oh, I'm just going to be friends with them. 0.97
02:13:53.000 But you did have sex with them, so you did get aroused by girls. 0.89
02:13:56.000 It's just not as satisfying. 0.95
02:13:59.000 And you feel more drawn to men.
02:14:02.000 When you went bi, you said you went bi for a while.
02:14:05.000 What do you think that was?
02:14:07.000 Was that you trying to figure out who you were?
02:14:12.000 I think a lot of people do that.
02:14:14.000 This is an 8. This one's a 5. Maybe she just doesn't like me.
02:14:19.000 I'll find another one.
02:14:20.000 Yeah, so, yeah, exactly.
02:14:22.000 There was a period, I mean, there was a time when, I want to say it was like my, it was like 23, I guess, and there was this girl, and I can't believe I've been saying this story.
02:14:39.000 She, like, we had this thing, like, it was this kind of, like, affair, if you will.
02:14:45.000 Like, she was engaged, and, yeah, and so, like, it was...
02:14:48.000 Was it hot and heavy?
02:14:49.000 Yeah.
02:14:50.000 It was fun, but it was a girl. 1.00
02:14:52.000 Yeah, and we had a good time, and it was one of those things where she would tell me, she's like, you're not gay, you're doing this too well, and you're playing with my heart.
02:15:02.000 So it was kind of dangerous at the same time, and then her fiancé found out.
02:15:06.000 Oh, Jesus!
02:15:07.000 Her fiancé actually found out when I was going down on her.
02:15:11.000 In her bedroom.
02:15:12.000 He walked in? 1.00
02:15:13.000 No, he was knocking on the door outside and the lights were like, oh shit. 0.99
02:15:18.000 And he was like, hey, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. 0.96
02:15:20.000 Open the door, open the door.
02:15:21.000 And immediately, what do I do?
02:15:23.000 Because I'm like, what do I do?
02:15:24.000 What do I do? 1.00
02:15:25.000 I jump in the shower like an asshole. 1.00
02:15:28.000 Oh no. 1.00
02:15:29.000 Because that's not suspicious.
02:15:31.000 Oh, I just came over to shower at your fiancé's house.
02:15:35.000 You turned the shower on?
02:15:36.000 Turned the shower on, and he's like, what are you doing?
02:15:37.000 I'm like, oh yeah, I'll see you later.
02:15:39.000 It was great.
02:15:39.000 Thanks for the study break.
02:15:41.000 And the shower...
02:15:46.000 What? 1.00
02:15:46.000 I had to get pussy off my face. 1.00
02:15:48.000 Right, yeah, I really did. 1.00
02:15:50.000 That's the thing.
02:15:50.000 With the steel wool pad, you know.
02:15:52.000 Oh my god.
02:15:53.000 So what did he say?
02:15:54.000 And then, like, she moved away, and then I got this phone call.
02:16:03.000 Oh god, that was so crazy.
02:16:05.000 I got this phone call from him, the fiancé. 0.99
02:16:08.000 Was he jerking off over the phone? 0.98
02:16:09.000 No, he was mad. 0.97
02:16:11.000 Really? 0.99
02:16:11.000 Oh, dude, he was like, so what the fuck am I hearing about this and this and this? 0.99
02:16:16.000 And she's in the background, and she's just like, he's lying, he's lying, he's a fucking faggot, don't listen to him. 1.00
02:16:22.000 Oh yeah. 1.00
02:16:24.000 She threw you down? 0.87
02:16:24.000 Threw me down under the bus. 0.87
02:16:27.000 Oh my god.
02:16:28.000 And that was the last time, and this was somebody that I was like, I thought we had something, and when she said that, I was like, later.
02:16:38.000 That was it.
02:16:39.000 So how old were you at the time?
02:16:42.000 I was 22 or 23, yeah.
02:16:44.000 So you'd already come out?
02:16:45.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:16:46.000 So when you were with her, you told her that you were gay?
02:16:50.000 Yeah, like everyone knew.
02:16:52.000 It was just one of those...
02:16:53.000 But then you get those girls who are like, I'm gonna turn you, and you're like, no.
02:16:57.000 Really?
02:16:57.000 Oh, I get it all the time.
02:16:58.000 You get it all the time.
02:16:59.000 Oh, yeah.
02:16:59.000 Girls are trying to turn you straight.
02:17:01.000 Yeah.
02:17:01.000 Wow.
02:17:02.000 Yeah.
02:17:02.000 But this one had worked for a little bit, sort of.
02:17:04.000 I get asked it a while.
02:17:06.000 I don't know if it was you.
02:17:08.000 Probably.
02:17:08.000 It was probably you.
02:17:09.000 The other night at the store, maybe like a week or two ago, you were like, would you ever, like, if a hot girl came up to you?
02:17:13.000 I'm like, hmm, that's a good question. 1.00
02:17:15.000 Well, like, imagine having sex and then just having a guy sit there with balls on your forehead. 1.00
02:17:20.000 You could probably love it. 1.00
02:17:21.000 You have your fantasy, Brian.
02:17:23.000 What? 1.00
02:17:24.000 Meaning, like, he would only see guy and balls, but he would feel pussy. 1.00
02:17:28.000 What are you talking about? 1.00
02:17:29.000 Balls? 0.91
02:17:30.000 What do you mean? 1.00
02:17:30.000 Like, if a woman is on top of him fucking him, and then a guy just like... 1.00
02:17:35.000 That's a three-way! 1.00
02:17:36.000 Yeah, yeah, but you're only seeing the dick and balls. 1.00
02:17:38.000 That'd probably be the most ideal thing. 1.00
02:17:39.000 Shut up. 1.00
02:17:39.000 Just shut up. 1.00
02:17:40.000 Seriously. 1.00
02:17:41.000 Oh my god.
02:17:43.000 Just five minutes.
02:17:44.000 Think about what you're going to say for five minutes.
02:17:46.000 Yeah, so...
02:17:47.000 I don't know.
02:17:49.000 I would think...
02:17:49.000 I don't know.
02:17:50.000 I don't know if I could or not.
02:17:52.000 I don't know.
02:17:52.000 But there's no social stigma attached to that if you chose to have sex with a woman.
02:17:57.000 It's like it's no big deal. 0.59
02:17:58.000 Whereas if a guy is a straight guy and he just chooses to have sex with a guy... 1.00
02:18:02.000 In this culture, that's fucking crazy. 0.99
02:18:05.000 That's really unusual. 0.99
02:18:07.000 But in some cultures...
02:18:08.000 It's like, I don't think a straight guy...
02:18:10.000 Well, I don't think a guy could be bisexual, but a girl could be bisexual. 0.99
02:18:14.000 But isn't that...
02:18:15.000 I think definitely guys can be bisexual.
02:18:18.000 I don't think so.
02:18:18.000 You don't think so?
02:18:19.000 No.
02:18:19.000 I've said that there's two types of dudes who do gay things.
02:18:22.000 There's gay dudes, and there's really gullible straight dudes who get talked into blowing, crafty gay dudes. 0.97
02:18:28.000 Mm-hmm. 0.71
02:18:28.000 You think that's what it is? 0.71
02:18:29.000 Uh-huh.
02:18:30.000 There's a lot...
02:18:30.000 Especially in the porn industry, there's a lot of, like...
02:18:34.000 You know, oh, we're all straight.
02:18:35.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.97
02:18:36.000 But gay for pay is a different thing. 0.98
02:18:39.000 Like, there's a lot of gay people will find straight guys that are really broke. 0.92
02:18:44.000 Like, there's this guy who's friends with my wife, who's a gay guy, who's this Mac Daddy. 0.58
02:18:50.000 He's got a lot of cash.
02:18:51.000 Gets a lot of boys.
02:18:53.000 You know how it is.
02:18:54.000 And he gets dudes that are straight.
02:18:56.000 He had this Russian dude.
02:18:57.000 Is it a website he runs?
02:18:58.000 He bought the guy a car, put the guy up in an apartment. 1.00
02:19:01.000 He was going broke because he was spending all of his money to take care of this straight guy, and this straight guy would suck his dick. 1.00
02:19:08.000 Wow. 1.00
02:19:09.000 Yeah, you'd get together with this, you know, the guy was like heavy Russian accent, kind of tough looking. 1.00
02:19:14.000 Like, what's his name from...
02:19:17.000 Never mind. 0.94
02:19:18.000 He was like a gay Jason Statham looking kind of a... 1.00
02:19:20.000 Okay. 0.93
02:19:20.000 But with a Russian accent. 0.93
02:19:21.000 Sure.
02:19:22.000 And apparently this guy was just...
02:19:24.000 No one's looking.
02:19:25.000 Okay.
02:19:27.000 Just dig cheese everywhere.
02:19:29.000 He just made sure that he took care of this guy.
02:19:31.000 Gave this guy an apartment.
02:19:32.000 Gave him money.
02:19:33.000 Gave him...
02:19:34.000 The guy wanted too much at a certain point in time.
02:19:36.000 Let's go down to Fairfax.
02:19:37.000 He actually lost like a big chunk of his money trying to keep this guy.
02:19:42.000 But this guy was like the latest in a series of straight guys that he had...
02:19:47.000 Manipulated into uncomfortable positions.
02:19:49.000 That's a thing.
02:19:50.000 Is it?
02:19:50.000 That's a thing, yeah.
02:19:52.000 It's like finding straight guys.
02:19:54.000 Yeah, I had a buddy of mine who was in a wardrobe guy, and he was gay. 1.00
02:19:58.000 He would always tell us about all the different quote-unquote straight guys that let him suck their dick. 1.00
02:20:04.000 Jesus. 1.00
02:20:06.000 He would get a kick out of it.
02:20:07.000 Yeah, they're really funny.
02:20:08.000 I get a lot of them too, so...
02:20:12.000 I still got it!
02:20:14.000 But they're not straight guys then, they're just confused.
02:20:15.000 No, they are!
02:20:17.000 They are.
02:20:17.000 Well, how are they straight?
02:20:18.000 No, okay, you were gonna say they're confused.
02:20:20.000 They're just confused.
02:20:22.000 Do you think that it's extra likely to happen to you if you kill on stage?
02:20:27.000 Yeah, it's happened before.
02:20:29.000 More likely?
02:20:30.000 Well, it has happened.
02:20:31.000 But I mean, more likely because you're on stage and you kill and you become attractive?
02:20:35.000 Yeah.
02:20:35.000 There's that like, yeah.
02:20:37.000 They're like, oh, he's hot and broken.
02:20:39.000 Whoa.
02:20:40.000 And so the straight guys find that attractive.
02:20:43.000 Uh-huh.
02:20:44.000 I had, um...
02:20:45.000 Actually, I had a...
02:20:46.000 Yes, they do.
02:20:47.000 Those guys are not straight, Justin Martindale.
02:20:49.000 There is no Santa Claus.
02:20:51.000 The Easter Bunny's not real. 0.99
02:20:53.000 And those are gay dudes. 0.95
02:20:54.000 No, but they're like, oh, this is my girlfriend. 0.80
02:20:56.000 It's like, oh.
02:20:58.000 Oh, how the tables have turned.
02:21:01.000 Well, how many dudes put on this sort of, like, straight act just for society, for jobs, for career, for whatever.
02:21:11.000 Fill in the blank.
02:21:13.000 Like a percentage?
02:21:14.000 It's a lot, right?
02:21:15.000 I mean, who knows percentage-wise?
02:21:17.000 That would be speculative, but it's fairly common.
02:21:20.000 Yeah, I want to say, like, for instance, I was in San Diego this past weekend, and it was like, I was like, where are all the black people?
02:21:28.000 Where are all the white people? 0.93
02:21:30.000 Where's the Mexicans? 0.99
02:21:32.000 Where's the gay people? 1.00
02:21:34.000 I was like, really, guys? 0.51
02:21:36.000 Really?
02:21:37.000 No gay people in San Diego?
02:21:38.000 Is that what you're trying to say?
02:21:39.000 Well, no.
02:21:39.000 It's just one of those like...
02:21:40.000 They're scared?
02:21:41.000 Yeah.
02:21:41.000 Oh, they didn't want to clap.
02:21:42.000 They didn't want to say anything.
02:21:44.000 And then afterwards, yeah, it's very, very conservative, whatever.
02:21:48.000 But then after the show, I had like a couple guys who were like, hey, yeah, so I'm in the...
02:21:52.000 You were talking about the military earlier?
02:21:54.000 Yeah, I'm in the military.
02:21:55.000 What are you doing later?
02:21:56.000 You want to go grab a drink or something? 1.00
02:21:58.000 I was like, quit trying to fuck, sir. 1.00
02:22:01.000 Whoa, that's what they do to try to get you to have a drink afterwards? 1.00
02:22:04.000 Oh, yeah.
02:22:05.000 Maybe some dude spent a lot of time on a big Navy ship.
02:22:07.000 Which is very terrifying because I'm like, I just feel like I would be like a little piece of veal just thrown to the wolves. 1.00
02:22:16.000 And maybe have to kill you after it's over so you keep a goddamn secret. 1.00
02:22:18.000 Exactly, exactly. 1.00
02:22:19.000 You're going to plug up my military career just in Martindale?
02:22:22.000 You'll never know.
02:22:22.000 I'm like, I refuse.
02:22:24.000 That's not like this.
02:22:26.000 Not like this.
02:22:27.000 I want to go on a big mega volcano.
02:22:29.000 I think that there's obviously a tremendous amount of discrimination, racism, homophobia.
02:22:35.000 There's still...
02:22:36.000 A tremendous amount of it.
02:22:37.000 But I think it's getting better.
02:22:38.000 I really do.
02:22:38.000 I do too.
02:22:39.000 Culturally, I think we're at a really good time.
02:22:41.000 Yeah, I think those...
02:22:42.000 We're seeing change.
02:22:44.000 It's good, because, I mean, God, for a while that was just so boring.
02:22:48.000 Why wouldn't you want to make the world a little more colorful?
02:22:51.000 People are scared.
02:22:52.000 It's sad, too.
02:22:53.000 And I've been scared.
02:22:54.000 I go to...
02:22:56.000 I go to the Midwest and I'm terrified.
02:22:58.000 You know, there's like parts of the country that I'm just like, my God.
02:23:02.000 Well, I even like, I remember, I know when I, God, well, I went back to Texas not too long ago.
02:23:09.000 Yeah.
02:23:11.000 But I mean, I feel like I dress okay.
02:23:15.000 Sometimes my shirts may be a little snug sometimes, or my jeans may be a little tight.
02:23:22.000 You know how the fashion, the style is out here?
02:23:24.000 And I'll wear that out in a small town, and I just see the looks.
02:23:28.000 Just like, what the heck?
02:23:29.000 He ain't even wearing flannel. 0.99
02:23:31.000 Yeah, there's a gay Sasquatch over there. 1.00
02:23:33.000 He ain't got no camo on. 1.00
02:23:36.000 Motherfucker, look at him. 1.00
02:23:37.000 Oh, his hair's too pretty. 1.00
02:23:38.000 What's up with his hair?
02:23:46.000 I actually didn't know you were gay the first year I knew you. 0.93
02:23:49.000 My gaydar never went off. 1.00
02:23:51.000 Get that shit to the shop. 1.00
02:23:53.000 Bring your gaydar to the shop, son. 1.00
02:23:56.000 Maybe I was just lost in your eyes. 0.98
02:23:58.000 It's very hypnotic.
02:23:59.000 You were just lost in LA. You were coming from Ohio, man. 1.00
02:24:02.000 You were coming from a time machine.
02:24:03.000 Or you were like, they don't come up this far of Santa Monica Boulevard.
02:24:07.000 I kidnapped Brian from the 1950s and brought him into the future.
02:24:10.000 He did. 0.99
02:24:11.000 Motherfucker was selling gateway computers in Ohio. 1.00
02:24:15.000 He got robbed by a black wizard the following week after I did. 1.00
02:24:19.000 That's right! 0.69
02:24:20.000 We talked about that.
02:24:21.000 Right out by my house at the time.
02:24:23.000 Wow.
02:24:24.000 I know several people who have been held at gunpoint in Hollywood over the years.
02:24:29.000 It's not pleasant.
02:24:30.000 Nope.
02:24:31.000 It's not pleasant at all.
02:24:32.000 And it's one of those...
02:24:34.000 God, it was so...
02:24:35.000 Did you have post-traumatic at all?
02:24:37.000 I did.
02:24:37.000 Yeah, I still have a little of it.
02:24:40.000 I do too.
02:24:40.000 I do too.
02:24:41.000 I think it's not as bad as it was, but it's one of those things where if somebody's behind me or if somebody pops out... 0.97
02:24:49.000 I mean, I like jerk and like... 0.67
02:24:51.000 Or it comes out of the blue really bad. 0.97
02:24:53.000 I'll be parking at night and I'll be like, oh my god, I don't want to get out of my car right now.
02:24:56.000 Out of nowhere.
02:24:57.000 There was a time when I did not leave my house.
02:25:01.000 I canceled spots.
02:25:02.000 It's a real issue for people that suffer from violent crimes.
02:25:05.000 Post-traumatic stress is big.
02:25:07.000 It wasn't violent at all.
02:25:09.000 It was just a...
02:25:11.000 Listen, it's violent.
02:25:13.000 The threat of violence is still violence.
02:25:16.000 I'm saying it wasn't physical and that's the thing that was scary because he made me walk I was in such shock that he robbed me and then started walking down the street that I needed to walk down, so I'm following him.
02:25:29.000 And he turns around, he's like, what are you doing?
02:25:31.000 And I'm like, I'm going home.
02:25:34.000 Like, I live right down the street.
02:25:36.000 He's like, you ain't gonna live down the street if you keep following me.
02:25:39.000 And I was like, oh, God.
02:25:40.000 So I honestly, I did the Justin, just the...
02:25:44.000 Roll the eyes inside.
02:25:47.000 That's a terrifying thing to hear. 0.94
02:25:48.000 I was like, God damn it, it took me so long to get here. 0.93
02:25:50.000 And then I, so I'm walking around the block, and as I'm walking around the block, he had... 0.98
02:25:56.000 Gone down the alleyway and got into this white van, and the white van drove off.
02:26:02.000 And that's the thing that scared me the most, was just the fact that I was probably being watched.
02:26:07.000 Like, he was the guy.
02:26:09.000 There's, like, three other guys probably out here.
02:26:11.000 Like, if I fought, or if I tried to make an attempt to...
02:26:18.000 Not giving my stuff.
02:26:20.000 That's the scary thing to me that they would have probably...
02:26:23.000 Same thing happened to me.
02:26:25.000 There was another guy in a van across the street.
02:26:28.000 They usually use other people.
02:26:30.000 They'll spot.
02:26:32.000 There's obviously people that do it single and desperado.
02:26:35.000 If you're going to rob a bunch of people, get in a car, drive somewhere, you look out, no one's coming, get this guy.
02:26:41.000 They got him, though.
02:26:41.000 I think they got him.
02:26:43.000 I had to file a police report and all that.
02:26:46.000 Did you have to go look at a lineup?
02:26:48.000 Yeah.
02:26:49.000 Really?
02:26:49.000 You sure it was him?
02:26:50.000 No.
02:26:51.000 But I honestly told him that I was like, I can't.
02:26:53.000 I was like, it was 3 o'clock in the morning.
02:26:55.000 It was so dark.
02:26:56.000 And I don't want to be that guy who likes that guy.
02:26:58.000 And it wasn't him.
02:26:59.000 I was like, honestly, I can't remember.
02:27:00.000 It's really hard.
02:27:01.000 And it was such a long time after it had happened, too.
02:27:04.000 So it wasn't like they got him.
02:27:07.000 Oh, God.
02:27:08.000 I want to say it was...
02:27:11.000 Six or seven months afterwards.
02:27:13.000 Yeah, because apparently...
02:27:15.000 It was a string of them in Hollywood.
02:27:17.000 It was happening a lot.
02:27:18.000 The guy who was throwing the bombs in people's garages, remember that guy?
02:27:22.000 It was right around that time, there was this crazy crime ring because all the people from LA and Hollywood are slowly coming into...
02:27:29.000 To West Hollywood, and people are like, oh, West Hollywood's so safe, and it's clean and nice.
02:27:33.000 I'm like, no.
02:27:34.000 If you drive down Santa Monica Boulevard now, there's crazy people.
02:27:39.000 It's out of control.
02:27:40.000 Everyone's losing their minds.
02:27:41.000 Do you think people are targeting people because it's so safe?
02:27:43.000 Or do people think it's so safe?
02:27:45.000 Yeah.
02:27:46.000 I think it's...
02:27:46.000 I mean, people are stealing people's dogs.
02:27:49.000 That's just messed up.
02:27:50.000 Really?
02:27:51.000 Yes.
02:27:51.000 In West Hollywood?
02:27:52.000 Yeah.
02:27:52.000 You leave your dog in the car, someone will come in and take your dog.
02:27:56.000 Oh, I'm just going to roll the window down and have the dog...
02:27:57.000 You know, get some air while I'm running into CVS or something.
02:28:00.000 Someone just comes in and takes the dog and walks away. 1.00
02:28:03.000 There's so many shitty people out there in this world. 1.00
02:28:05.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:28:05.000 There's a lot of great people out there in this world, but goddamn, there's some fucking shitheads. 1.00
02:28:11.000 Someone's stealing someone's dog. 1.00
02:28:12.000 It's so dark.
02:28:13.000 Right?
02:28:13.000 I'm like, who does that?
02:28:15.000 It's a real piece of shit, man. 1.00
02:28:17.000 I have to be a real piece of shit to do that. 1.00
02:28:19.000 I can do with that. 1.00
02:28:22.000 Assholes. 1.00
02:28:23.000 Everywhere you look. 1.00
02:28:25.000 I'm hoping that that's the next thing that changes about human beings. 0.99
02:28:30.000 We slowly but surely start to weed out the assholes in our culture. 0.98
02:28:34.000 I'm hoping that that's going to be the next evolution of society. 0.99
02:28:37.000 I'm hoping.
02:28:38.000 In your head, that's the...
02:28:40.000 It's got to be.
02:28:42.000 It's the only thing that's going to save us. 1.00
02:28:43.000 We have to realize that these ideas that we have, like fighting over Various ideologies, you know, politics, the way, you know, conservative versus liberal, white versus black, all that stuff is so fucking stupid. 1.00
02:28:58.000 I think that one day we're going to realize that our only problem in this life is people who are assholes. 1.00
02:29:02.000 It's our only problem. 0.99
02:29:04.000 Whether it's war or theft or crime or cybercrime or corruption, it's all the same problem. 1.00
02:29:10.000 It's people that are assholes, whether it's rape or murder or whatever it is. 1.00
02:29:15.000 Assholes. 1.00
02:29:15.000 It's just shitty human beings. 1.00
02:29:17.000 Poorly developed humans. 1.00
02:29:18.000 That's exactly what it is.
02:29:20.000 Poorly developed humans.
02:29:21.000 It's a mutation, if you will.
02:29:23.000 Well, we need really strict...
02:29:25.000 Not strict, but we need strong philosophies.
02:29:28.000 Like the tall whites.
02:29:30.000 Do you know what the tall whites are?
02:29:31.000 No.
02:29:32.000 The tall whites are apparently a group of aliens that are in Area 51 now.
02:29:40.000 Oh, for sure.
02:29:41.000 And they are walking amongst us.
02:29:43.000 And they are advanced.
02:29:45.000 And it's like a thing.
02:29:46.000 Did you see the Russian guy?
02:29:47.000 It's a thing?
02:29:48.000 It's like a thing.
02:29:49.000 The tall whites.
02:29:50.000 Check out the video of the Russian guy.
02:29:52.000 No, don't.
02:29:53.000 No, no, no.
02:29:53.000 A Canadian.
02:29:54.000 There's a Canadian guy, he's in Congress, and he's like, we all know about these aliens. 1.00
02:29:58.000 The guy's an idiot. 1.00
02:29:59.000 I've seen, I saw people walking out of the ocean. 1.00
02:30:02.000 I saw, well, you didn't see anybody walking out of the fucking ocean. 0.99
02:30:04.000 Yes, I did. 0.99
02:30:05.000 You saw a scuba diver.
02:30:06.000 No, it was late.
02:30:07.000 You see a man with a three-piece suit coming out of the ocean?
02:30:09.000 You sure you can't poop in your eyes?
02:30:10.000 No! 1.00
02:30:10.000 The guy's an asshole who's thinking about killing himself. 1.00
02:30:12.000 Okay, guys, this is a hate crime now, alright? 1.00
02:30:14.000 Calm down. 1.00
02:30:15.000 You saw an asshole that was thinking about killing himself and decided to get home to his family. 1.00
02:30:19.000 And you walked out of the water and you're like, aliens! 1.00
02:30:22.000 OMG! And you ran away, fucking tweeting it. 1.00
02:30:24.000 Did I say OMG, Joe? 1.00
02:30:26.000 Do I look like I say OMG out loud?
02:30:30.000 The sparkles came off your heels when you ran uphill.
02:30:33.000 Okay, that part's true, alright?
02:30:35.000 That was true.
02:30:37.000 With a nice little rainbow stream behind me.
02:30:39.000 You panicked and farted glitter before you ran into your house.
02:30:42.000 Hey, don't be jealous that I fart glitter, alright?
02:30:45.000 It's a magical thing.
02:30:46.000 What are these aliens you believe in?
02:30:47.000 They're called the tall whites.
02:30:49.000 They're not. 1.00
02:30:49.000 Listen, all these people that tell you they see aliens are all idiots. 1.00
02:30:53.000 That's the universal, that's the one thing that's universal about these people. 1.00
02:30:57.000 They're almost all idiots. 0.99
02:30:58.000 I talked to a guy who was a former senator on my TV show, on the sci-fi show, who was telling me all about Area 51, all the evidence in Area 51. He's a fucking former senator. 1.00
02:31:07.000 And I talked to him for 10 minutes. 1.00
02:31:09.000 I knew exactly what was going on. 1.00
02:31:11.000 I'm like, you're just a silly man. 1.00
02:31:13.000 You're a silly man that happened to be a former senator. 1.00
02:31:15.000 You're a guy who's a believer. 1.00
02:31:17.000 And you believe in things with zero evidence.
02:31:21.000 I mean, there's almost no evidence except these weird photographs.
02:31:26.000 Oh, here it is.
02:31:27.000 Yeah, listen.
02:31:27.000 Play this.
02:31:28.000 We'll end with this because we've got to get out of here.
02:31:30.000 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:31:30.000 Let's end with this.
02:31:31.000 You're welcome, guys.
02:31:32.000 Yeah, a powerful Justin Martindale.
02:31:35.000 That video doesn't exist.
02:31:36.000 It doesn't exist.
02:31:38.000 How's that even possible?
02:31:38.000 Well, they probably took it down.
02:31:41.000 Just look up Canadian Prime Minister, whatever the fuck it was. 0.99
02:31:43.000 It's the Canadian Prime Minister saying that aliens are real. 0.99
02:31:46.000 What was his official title?
02:31:47.000 It wasn't Prime Minister, right?
02:31:49.000 I think it was...
02:31:50.000 Minister of Defense or something like that.
02:31:54.000 Canadian...
02:31:54.000 We've got to find it.
02:31:56.000 Well, go back to the Vice thing.
02:31:57.000 What is his name?
02:31:58.000 Hold on.
02:31:59.000 Uh...
02:32:02.000 What does the guy do?
02:32:04.000 Oh my god, Brian. 0.73
02:32:06.000 This computer's like really shitty. 0.99
02:32:08.000 Canadian Prime Minister Aliens. 0.99
02:32:12.000 Is the computer shitty? 0.98
02:32:13.000 Okay. 0.85
02:32:14.000 Canadian's former defense minister.
02:32:16.000 Yeah, that's it.
02:32:17.000 Former defense minister.
02:32:19.000 Okay, so just Google that.
02:32:20.000 Canadian, former defense minister.
02:32:22.000 I'll bring in, I have my other laptop.
02:32:23.000 I'll bring that in from now on.
02:32:25.000 Yeah, this one's just playing catch-up.
02:32:27.000 One of the species is called the tall white.
02:32:29.000 See?
02:32:30.000 Oh my god, it's so real.
02:32:31.000 It's printed.
02:32:32.000 It's true.
02:32:33.000 It's totally real.
02:32:34.000 There are live ETs on Earth at this present time.
02:32:37.000 O-M-T. A cabal formed by the Council of Foreign Relations.
02:32:43.000 The Bilderbergers and the Trilateral Commission, the International Banking Cartel, the oil cartel, and the select members of the military are planning to create one world government. 0.57
02:32:54.000 They are the ones suppressing the information about the aliens to the public. 1.00
02:32:58.000 Bitch. 1.00
02:32:59.000 He looks like he would believe in aliens, doesn't he? 1.00
02:33:01.000 He's a dumbass. 1.00
02:33:05.000 This is an hour and 20 minutes long. 1.00
02:33:07.000 Oh, this isn't the one, though, but this is probably a different one.
02:33:09.000 I think it's a different guy.
02:33:11.000 Charles Hall? 1.00
02:33:12.000 Yeah, I don't know what the fucking silly fuckheads are. 1.00
02:33:15.000 I don't know. 1.00
02:33:16.000 That's the thing that I got out of these interviews with all these people.
02:33:20.000 It's not that it's not possible that there's aliens. 0.99
02:33:23.000 What the problem is is these motherfuckers want to believe. 0.99
02:33:28.000 That's not the guy, Brian. 1.00
02:33:30.000 Just Google Canada's former defense minister UFOs.
02:33:33.000 That's the one.
02:33:34.000 Or aliens.
02:33:36.000 Um...
02:33:37.000 Yeah, I've seen the video.
02:33:39.000 He was on RT. He might have actually been talking to...
02:33:43.000 Excuse me.
02:33:45.000 Who was he talking to?
02:33:48.000 Was he talking to Abby Martin?
02:33:50.000 He was talking to like a group of people.
02:33:52.000 Who's like in a...
02:33:53.000 Isn't my girl Abby Martin?
02:33:55.000 It is.
02:33:56.000 Let's go to...
02:33:58.000 No, that's not him, Brian.
02:33:59.000 It's not it either.
02:33:59.000 Look, he's a bald old guy.
02:34:00.000 No, it's not Abby Martin.
02:34:01.000 It's this cat.
02:34:02.000 It's this other girl.
02:34:04.000 This is the guy.
02:34:05.000 Look for this one.
02:34:06.000 See this guy?
02:34:06.000 Yeah, this is the...
02:34:07.000 That's...
02:34:08.000 No, but that's not the video.
02:34:10.000 You want the one with him on RT. See, look, it's on the Daily Mail.
02:34:14.000 This is what you want. 1.00
02:34:15.000 This silly old bitch. 1.00
02:34:17.000 He's crazy! 1.00
02:34:19.000 No! 0.98
02:34:19.000 This is the thing, man. 0.98
02:34:20.000 But listen to the calm in the room.
02:34:22.000 Here's where the alien...
02:34:24.000 This note doesn't matter.
02:34:25.000 It's because someone says something rationally. 0.99
02:34:27.000 Wouldn't someone just be like, shut up! 0.98
02:34:28.000 No, it's just... 0.91
02:34:29.000 He's a former defense minister and he's talking to a woman who's a newscaster.
02:34:34.000 She's, you know... 1.00
02:34:36.000 I mean, whatever kind of journalism degree she has, it doesn't mean that she's gonna call bullshit on this fucking goofy old crazy dude. 0.99
02:34:43.000 Look, there may very well be visitors from outer space. 0.99
02:34:47.000 It's very possible. 0.93
02:34:48.000 But it's also possible that a lot of these people are just nuts and that they want to. 0.98
02:34:53.000 That's homeboy. 0.74
02:34:54.000 They want to have, like, UFOs be real.
02:34:58.000 More activity in the last few decades since we invented the atomic bomb.
02:35:06.000 What's up with our sound?
02:35:07.000 I think it's the laptop. 1.00
02:35:09.000 Let's get rid of that bitch today. 1.00
02:35:12.000 Other people in the cosmos? 1.00
02:35:20.000 No, this guy's crazy. 0.95
02:35:21.000 First of all, he looks like the creepy preacher guy from Poltergeist 2, which I'm very offended by. 0.97
02:35:27.000 Here's something that happens to a lot of these old cats. 1.00
02:35:29.000 No one wants to fuck them anymore. 1.00
02:35:31.000 And there's no light at the end of the tunnel. 1.00
02:35:34.000 It's not going to change.
02:35:34.000 It's not like one day they're going to become sexually attractive again.
02:35:37.000 And they look for some new meaning in life. 0.99
02:35:39.000 And the new meaning in life that takes away from all the worry and all the worries and stress is, if there are aliens, this whole life is bullshit. 0.99
02:35:48.000 So my miserable existence that I have, my depressing, miserable existence, all of a sudden becomes trivial. 0.98
02:35:55.000 In comparison to the mystery of the cosmos.
02:35:59.000 Right.
02:35:59.000 Aliens are real.
02:36:01.000 The whole world has been thrown on its head.
02:36:03.000 Money doesn't matter.
02:36:04.000 World politics don't matter.
02:36:06.000 Relationships don't matter. 0.78
02:36:07.000 The aliens are here.
02:36:08.000 Oh my God.
02:36:10.000 It changed focus.
02:36:11.000 This idea, it's almost like a religious epiphany sort of a moment for them.
02:36:16.000 It's like they're looking forward to...
02:36:18.000 It's almost like an apocalyptic scenario.
02:36:21.000 Not apocalyptic, but...
02:36:23.000 What's the term when God comes back?
02:36:26.000 Armageddon.
02:36:27.000 Well, yeah.
02:36:28.000 Revelation.
02:36:28.000 It's like...
02:36:31.000 Something that's going to make our regular, trivial, everyday life that he's a failure at seem meaningless.
02:36:38.000 And I think that's a lot of these guys. 0.98
02:36:40.000 It's all these unfuckable white dudes that are out there finding UFOs. 0.99
02:36:44.000 Are they playing at Coachella this year? 0.99
02:36:47.000 It's a need.
02:36:50.000 It's a need for mystery.
02:36:51.000 It's a need for meaning in life.
02:36:53.000 And I think they distort reality in order to fulfill this need.
02:36:58.000 There's a great deal of attractiveness to mystery.
02:37:01.000 Yeah.
02:37:01.000 To solving mystery.
02:37:02.000 It's a part of our, it's like, I think it's almost like hijacks our natural reward mechanisms that we have built in.
02:37:10.000 Like we have this need to discover things because human beings have a need to innovate so they can stay alive.
02:37:15.000 So that we can, you know, develop weapons and figure out how to make fire.
02:37:18.000 And so this constant need to find out what are the mysteries?
02:37:21.000 Who's planning things?
02:37:22.000 We need to find out who are those people over there?
02:37:24.000 Are they going to get us?
02:37:24.000 And these needs to solve mysteries.
02:37:26.000 They're responsible for all these goddamn television shows that are on crime. 1.00
02:37:30.000 Every fucking TV show is about solving mysteries and solving crimes. 1.00
02:37:33.000 And who did it? 1.00
02:37:34.000 Where's the mystery?
02:37:36.000 The big mystery is aliens.
02:37:38.000 That's the grand finale.
02:37:40.000 That's the fireworks in the Fourth of July one.
02:37:43.000 That Ancient Aliens show, that scares the shit out of me, plus that guy's hair.
02:37:47.000 Well, Giorgio Tsoukalos, who's a very nice guy, as is Philip Copens, the late, great Philip Copens, who we had on the podcast.
02:37:53.000 We had two guys from Ancient Aliens on.
02:37:55.000 Great guys. 1.00
02:37:56.000 I love that shit. 1.00
02:37:57.000 I love that show, too. 1.00
02:37:58.000 How...
02:37:59.000 Not stoned though.
02:38:00.000 I can't do it stoned.
02:38:01.000 I'm just like, oh god!
02:38:03.000 They're right.
02:38:03.000 They have some really fascinating subjects.
02:38:06.000 Yeah.
02:38:06.000 And they're right about a lot of things.
02:38:07.000 But they also skirt around facts sometimes in order to make their case a little bit stronger.
02:38:11.000 And there was an ancient aliens debunked video that someone put online.
02:38:15.000 Really?
02:38:16.000 That explained what's wrong with a lot of things.
02:38:18.000 They make a lot of conclusions where they jump immediately to aliens.
02:38:22.000 It had to have been extraterrestrial beings.
02:38:25.000 Extraterrestrial beings.
02:38:27.000 Extraterrestrial knowledge.
02:38:29.000 That's a good impression.
02:38:29.000 Is it possible that extraterrestrials created humans to mine for copper?
02:38:36.000 They have all these crazy theories.
02:38:38.000 They're fun.
02:38:39.000 Yeah, it is fun.
02:38:40.000 It's fun to sit around and watch.
02:38:41.000 But as far as scholarly work, there's almost none that make any sense about aliens.
02:38:49.000 Some ancient images and there's some artwork that's pretty fascinating.
02:38:53.000 There's a lot of ancient Egyptian iconography and, you know, their hieroglyphs.
02:38:59.000 Eric Von Daniken, yeah, who did Chariots of the Gods.
02:39:03.000 It's a great book and a really interesting documentary.
02:39:06.000 Even if he's wrong about Chariots of the Gods, about the origins of these different things in his documentary, even if he's wrong about them being extraterrestrial, There are still fascinating mysteries.
02:39:19.000 There are fascinating mysteries that most likely were a lot of really sophisticated construction methods that we don't know about now that we lost somewhere or another.
02:39:26.000 It was lost in some raid, like getting raided by the Romans or the Mongols or who knows where the fuck the information went.
02:39:34.000 But there was a lot of like...
02:39:35.000 Really sophisticated construction techniques thousands and thousands of years ago. 0.99
02:39:39.000 That's much more likely than all this shit was created by aliens. 0.95
02:39:43.000 But the actual images and the actual sights and the mysteries themselves are still fascinating. 0.99
02:39:51.000 And maybe even more fascinating if it wasn't aliens. 0.55
02:39:54.000 The fact that people were so fucking smart 4,500 years ago that they made the pyramids.
02:39:59.000 I mean, that's incredible. 0.77
02:40:00.000 And that's a fact.
02:40:01.000 I mean, they carbon date the stuff inside the pyramids and it goes back to 2,500 BC. So they're pretty goddamn sure that someone at least was living there 2,500 BC and was already built.
02:40:13.000 But just the fact that it's at least 5,000 years old or 4,500 years old, just at least, at least that old. 0.53
02:40:19.000 That is goddamn fascinating.
02:40:22.000 I've been there and... 0.89
02:40:23.000 When you see them like that, you're just like, wow.
02:40:26.000 Insane.
02:40:26.000 Even the Sphinx, too.
02:40:27.000 I've never been there, but I've been to Chichen Itza.
02:40:30.000 I saw the Mayan Pyramids.
02:40:31.000 Yeah, I want to do that.
02:40:32.000 They're mind-blowing.
02:40:33.000 Yeah.
02:40:33.000 You just stop and think about it.
02:40:35.000 These fucking people living in a Stone Age time got these goddamn rocks and put them- With those basins of water, those caves, they're just filled with water. 1.00
02:40:44.000 How did you get these rocks here? 1.00
02:40:45.000 What did you do? 0.99
02:40:46.000 How did you make this fucking giant structure 1,000 years ago? 0.99
02:40:49.000 Or whatever, 1,500 years ago. 0.99
02:40:51.000 Steps, steps, steps, steps, yeah. 0.99
02:40:52.000 Yeah, it's amazing, amazing shit. 0.98
02:40:54.000 It's one of my favorite movies, Apocalypto. 0.98
02:40:55.000 I love that movie.
02:40:56.000 But the people love to go alien. 1.00
02:40:58.000 That's a good fucking movie. 0.99
02:40:58.000 It's a great movie. 0.99
02:40:59.000 You know, it's a good movie, too, because it's like right when he was being shamed.
02:41:03.000 Right. 1.00
02:41:03.000 And people realize, like, yeah, he's crazy, but goddamn that motherfucker knows how to make a movie. 1.00
02:41:08.000 I loved it. 1.00
02:41:08.000 I loved that movie. 1.00
02:41:09.000 It didn't get enough credit, right?
02:41:10.000 It didn't.
02:41:10.000 I don't think it did.
02:41:11.000 I think it did.
02:41:13.000 It went...
02:41:14.000 Yeah, but I don't think...
02:41:15.000 I think everyone was kind of in that shame phase.
02:41:17.000 We're like, ah, we're not going to support it, but it's a great film.
02:41:20.000 Well, The Passion of the Christ.
02:41:21.000 I didn't see that one.
02:41:22.000 I saw that.
02:41:23.000 That was not a good movie.
02:41:25.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:41:25.000 It was basically a two-hour movie about a dude who was magic who got his ass kicked. 0.99
02:41:31.000 I mean, that was exactly what the movie was about. 0.99
02:41:34.000 It was just two hours of them beating the fuck out of the guy. 0.97
02:41:36.000 It was almost perverted in a way. 0.99
02:41:40.000 It was like people were taking some sort of pleasure out of this torture film.
02:41:46.000 It was almost like a snuff film.
02:41:48.000 Because, yeah, I know it's representative of the Lord and representative of our Savior and all that good stuff, but the movie wasn't that.
02:41:55.000 The movie was just violence.
02:41:56.000 I remember a lot of people saying that it was like, and I think that's the reason why I didn't want to go see it because everyone's like, oh, you're going to cry.
02:42:02.000 And I'm like, that's what they want you to do.
02:42:04.000 They want you to, oh, God, look what we did.
02:42:06.000 Look what they did to him.
02:42:08.000 And it's like, it was such a push and just like they threw it in your face just, you know, nonstop.
02:42:14.000 You know what's interesting though?
02:42:15.000 You don't hear about that movie anymore.
02:42:16.000 It was a huge hit.
02:42:18.000 It was massive, yeah.
02:42:19.000 But it didn't last.
02:42:21.000 It's not something that people go and watch today and talk about, watch The Passion of the Christ today, reaffirm my faith, hashtag God bless.
02:42:28.000 That doesn't happen.
02:42:30.000 Like, maybe it happens.
02:42:30.000 It was like the secret.
02:42:31.000 But it doesn't happen very often.
02:42:32.000 Like, the secret was that.
02:42:33.000 Remember the secret? 1.00
02:42:34.000 Well, the secret is Mel Gibson's fucking crazy. 1.00
02:42:36.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:42:36.000 And when that secret got out, everybody was like, oh, well, I'm not going to see this fucking movie. 1.00
02:42:41.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:42:42.000 And then the one before that with Willem Dafoe, remember that one?
02:42:46.000 Which one was that?
02:42:47.000 There was a Christ movie with Willem Dafoe that was very, very controversial.
02:42:52.000 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
02:42:53.000 The last...
02:42:55.000 Supper.
02:42:56.000 No, The Something Something of Christ.
02:42:58.000 Last Temptation of Christ.
02:43:00.000 1988. Yeah, Last Temptation of Christ.
02:43:01.000 Four stars, ladies and gentlemen.
02:43:03.000 Willem Dafoe was sexy.
02:43:04.000 Green Goblin.
02:43:06.000 He was sexy.
02:43:07.000 Those cheekbones hadn't quite made him creepy yet.
02:43:10.000 He was just distinctive and interesting.
02:43:13.000 There's a new Jesus movie coming out this year.
02:43:15.000 Oh, thank God.
02:43:15.000 There's a new one?
02:43:16.000 Son of God.
02:43:17.000 What is it?
02:43:18.000 Son of God.
02:43:19.000 No.
02:43:20.000 There's a lot of Bible movies coming out.
02:43:22.000 There's Noah...
02:43:22.000 Noah's coming out.
02:43:23.000 Yeah, who's doing Noah?
02:43:25.000 That's Russell Crowe.
02:43:26.000 Russell Crowe, yeah.
02:43:27.000 Who's the director?
02:43:28.000 It's like a good director.
02:43:29.000 I'm not sure.
02:43:31.000 IMDB, there's Noah, there's Exodus.
02:43:34.000 Exodus is coming out as well.
02:43:36.000 Yeah, Darren Ornowski. 1.00
02:43:39.000 That guy's a bad motherfucker. 0.99
02:43:41.000 Why is he doing his Noah movie? 1.00
02:43:43.000 Well, it looks very sci-fi, too.
02:43:45.000 It looks very...
02:43:46.000 The 300-like.
02:43:48.000 Right, yeah.
02:43:49.000 There's guys coming out of the woods like, go to the ark!
02:43:52.000 Yeah.
02:43:53.000 I'm just like, hey, this isn't your King James version.
02:43:57.000 Have you ever seen the ad?
02:44:00.000 The Super Bowl ad for it?
02:44:03.000 It's all extreme, right?
02:44:04.000 The trailer?
02:44:04.000 Yeah.
02:44:04.000 Explosions.
02:44:05.000 Pull it up.
02:44:05.000 We'll end on this.
02:44:06.000 We'll end on Noah.
02:44:07.000 Noah movie official big game.
02:44:10.000 We started with a massive volcano.
02:44:11.000 We're going to end with a beautiful...
02:44:13.000 Yeah, Super Bowl ad Noah.
02:44:15.000 Just pull up that. 0.87
02:44:16.000 Super Bowl ad Noah. 0.98
02:44:17.000 And this will be the last day you hear this shitty laptop, ladies and gentlemen. 0.98
02:44:19.000 Oh, thank God. 0.99
02:44:20.000 Praise God.
02:44:21.000 Am I right?
02:44:22.000 Praise Jesus!
02:44:23.000 Praise Jesus.
02:44:24.000 Praise David Kokesh.
02:44:26.000 Noah.
02:44:28.000 Praise...
02:44:28.000 Anthony Hopkins isn't everything.
02:44:31.000 Praise Odin.
02:44:33.000 Praise Odin.
02:44:34.000 Praise Odin is like a hashtag.
02:44:39.000 The storm cannot be stopped.
02:44:40.000 It can be survived.
02:44:43.000 We have to protect our family.
02:44:46.000 Okay, stop it.
02:44:47.000 The sound's killing me.
02:44:49.000 Sorry.
02:44:50.000 It's almost like Taken.
02:44:52.000 It's like Taken the Bible.
02:44:54.000 It's like, we've got to save our family.
02:44:56.000 I'm like, no, wasn't the world covered in water? 0.99
02:44:59.000 And why is Liam Neeson kicking everybody's ass at 60? 0.99
02:45:02.000 What's going on there? 1.00
02:45:03.000 Liam Neeson is in every movie, he's kicking everyone's ass. 1.00
02:45:05.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:45:06.000 He has a new one coming out. 1.00
02:45:07.000 Ass kicker. 1.00
02:45:08.000 Ass kicker. 1.00
02:45:09.000 Irish ass kicker. 1.00
02:45:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:45:11.000 Liam Neeson, Irish ass kicker. 1.00
02:45:14.000 He's in everything, just kicking ass. 1.00
02:45:16.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:45:17.000 Wolves. 1.00
02:45:17.000 Kicked wolves' asses. 1.00
02:45:19.000 Come on! 1.00
02:45:20.000 Come on, you wolf! 0.95
02:45:21.000 Come on, wolves! 1.00
02:45:23.000 I'm an Irish ass kicker. 1.00
02:45:25.000 Is he Irish? 1.00
02:45:26.000 Is he Irish?
02:45:26.000 Does that make sense?
02:45:28.000 Liam Neeson?
02:45:29.000 I think he's Irish. 1.00
02:45:30.000 Irish ass kicker. 1.00
02:45:32.000 He's an Irish ass kicker. 1.00
02:45:33.000 Good day, mate. 1.00
02:45:35.000 Justin Martindale.
02:45:36.000 How do they find you?
02:45:37.000 Just Martindale on Twitter.
02:45:39.000 Just Martindale.
02:45:40.000 Just Martindale.
02:45:42.000 Don't put in Justin Martindale because it's some other dude who got a free tweet the other day.
02:45:46.000 Yeah, and he was like... 1.00
02:45:47.000 You're welcome, bitch. 1.00
02:45:48.000 I hope a lot of dick got thrown your way because of that. 1.00
02:45:52.000 Boom! 1.00
02:45:53.000 Son!
02:45:54.000 Thank you for having me, Joe.
02:45:58.000 Thanks for being on, dude.
02:45:58.000 It was a lot of fun.
02:45:59.000 Absolutely.
02:46:00.000 We gotta do this more often.
02:46:01.000 Absolutely!
02:46:01.000 Anytime!
02:46:02.000 Come on down, son. 1.00
02:46:03.000 Let's talk some shit. 0.99
02:46:04.000 And if people want to see you perform, where are you doing your hilarious stand-up comedy routine? 0.99
02:46:09.000 I will I'll be at the Comedy Store.
02:46:10.000 I'm a regular at the Comedy Store.
02:46:12.000 Laugh Factory as well.
02:46:14.000 And I'm shooting a pilot this month for the E! Network.
02:46:17.000 So check that out.
02:46:18.000 Hopefully it'll go.
02:46:19.000 I can't say.
02:46:21.000 Non-disclosure.
02:46:22.000 See, ladies and gentlemen, he's a team player.
02:46:25.000 Even under the influence of possibly any illegal drug.
02:46:28.000 He's a team player.
02:46:30.000 He still sticks to that non-disclosure.
02:46:31.000 Put him in your pile!
02:46:32.000 Thanks, dude.
02:46:33.000 It was a lot of fun, man.
02:46:34.000 Hey, Joe.
02:46:34.000 Anytime.
02:46:34.000 Thank you so much.
02:46:35.000 Anytime, man.
02:46:36.000 Thanks, Brian.
02:46:36.000 We'll do it again, for sure.
02:46:37.000 I'll see you tonight, Brian.
02:46:38.000 Boom, shallot.
02:46:39.000 Ew.
02:46:39.000 Leave the back door open.
02:46:40.000 Hey, you fucks. 1.00
02:46:42.000 This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience was brought to you by 1-800-Flowers. 1.00
02:46:52.000 And 1-800-Flowers.
02:46:54.000 Use the code word J-R-E and get yourself a lovely bouquet of fantastic flowers.
02:47:03.000 It is a wonderful website.
02:47:05.000 It is a good thing to do.
02:47:07.000 So go and buy.
02:47:09.000 I just bought some with that coupon code at the beginning of the show.
02:47:12.000 Did you really?
02:47:13.000 Yeah.
02:47:13.000 How'd you do that?
02:47:14.000 You're so slick.
02:47:15.000 It was fast.
02:47:16.000 I checked out with PayPal. 0.98
02:47:17.000 Goddammit, son. 1.00
02:47:18.000 You're crazy. 1.00
02:47:19.000 How do you work so quickly? 0.99
02:47:22.000 Amazing.
02:47:24.000 Let me read the copy because there's anything I need to say.
02:47:28.000 Oh yeah, there's a special one that's only for today.
02:47:33.000 By Wednesday, February 5th, it ends.
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02:47:39.000 For just $10 more, you can upgrade them to red roses.
02:47:42.000 And this deal ends Wednesday, February 5th.
02:47:45.000 1-800-Flowers.com.
02:47:46.000 Enter in the code word JRE. We are also brought to you by Squarespace.
02:47:55.000 Squarespace.com.
02:47:57.000 Use the code word Joe. 0.99
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02:48:03.000 And onnit.com. 0.98
02:48:04.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word Rogan and save.
02:48:08.000 10% off of any supplements.
02:48:11.000 Alright, I'll be back on Friday with Cameron Haynes, very famous elk bowhunter.
02:48:17.000 Talk about being specific.
02:48:18.000 But a very interesting and inspirational guy.
02:48:20.000 I'm looking forward to talking to him.
02:48:21.000 I really enjoy his videos online.
02:48:23.000 And lots more coming up.
02:48:26.000 I've got a lot of interesting guests, ladies and gentlemen.
02:48:28.000 We're going to have some fun.
02:48:30.000 Thanks for all the love.
02:48:31.000 Always.
02:48:32.000 Whether it's on Twitter or Facebook or in real life.
02:48:34.000 Thanks.
02:48:35.000 Everybody came to New York. 0.99
02:48:37.000 Tommy Segura and I had a great fucking time. 0.99
02:48:38.000 We do always. 0.97
02:48:39.000 I'm consistently impressed by the quality of people that come to these shows. 0.99
02:48:44.000 Just awesome fucking human beings. 0.98
02:48:46.000 And you guys give me hope. 0.99
02:48:47.000 All right.
02:48:48.000 Not that I didn't have hope. 1.00
02:48:49.000 I'm full of hope, bitch. 1.00
02:48:50.000 All right. 0.99
02:48:51.000 See you soon.
02:48:51.000 Big kiss.