The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #492 - Dave Attell

00:00:02.000 Good googly moogly, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:05.000 That's right.

00:00:06.000 We're back.

00:00:07.000 This episode is brought to you by the Dollar Shave Club.

00:00:10.000 Dollar Shave Club has the funniest ads that they send you.

00:00:13.000 They have, why are razors so damn expensive? 0.98

00:00:17.000 Damn is spelled D-A-M, and that is highlighted. 0.97

00:00:20.000 And then above it, it says, note to host, please personalize highlighted areas in... 0.99

00:00:28.000 I wouldn't say damn. 0.54

00:00:29.000 Why are razors... 1.00

00:00:30.000 I would say fucking. 1.00

00:00:31.000 Most people would, right? 1.00

00:00:33.000 Why are these razors so fucking expensive? 0.97

00:00:35.000 But they have a good point. 0.99

00:00:36.000 This is a great fucking idea. 0.99

00:00:38.000 This guy's a wizard. 0.99

00:00:39.000 He cracked the code.

00:00:40.000 It's a smart move.

00:00:42.000 Razors are really expensive.

00:00:43.000 If he could sell you razors that are just ridiculously cheap, why wouldn't you do it and just have them delivered to you?

00:00:50.000 You tell me.

00:00:51.000 They're good qualities, too.

00:00:52.000 You can go for a dollar a month, or you can go the six dollar or a nine dollar, the executive.

00:00:57.000 Guess what, folks?

00:00:58.000 Our grandpas all got by on that dollar a month type razor.

00:01:01.000 They were fine. 1.00

00:01:03.000 They didn't need five fucking blades. 1.00

00:01:05.000 They didn't need vibrating handles that you stick up your ass. 1.00

00:01:08.000 They didn't need it. 1.00

00:01:10.000 Why is this one called the lover's blade, though?

00:01:11.000 I don't care.

00:01:12.000 Because you vibrate the handle.

00:01:13.000 You stick it up.

00:01:14.000 I don't know.

00:01:15.000 Lovers like it really smooth.

00:01:17.000 I don't know.

00:01:18.000 That's going to get you in trouble.

00:01:19.000 You're going to have to keep that up.

00:01:21.000 It's like when you show up at a chick's house with a dozen roses on the first date.

00:01:24.000 You've got to maintain that, son.

00:01:25.000 All right? 0.99

00:01:26.000 If you have the lover's blade and you're all super smooth with like 15 blades and shit. 1.00

00:01:31.000 This is... 0.99

00:01:31.000 That's a $6 a month whammy. 0.99

00:01:33.000 But even that, think about that, folks. 0.99

00:01:35.000 $6 a fucking month. 1.00

00:01:37.000 If you use the same razor for a whole month and you shave every day, you're a fucking pig. 1.00

00:01:41.000 You're a disgusting person. 1.00

00:01:43.000 You're probably spreading diseases. 1.00

00:01:46.000 So...

00:01:47.000 This is the way to do it.

00:01:48.000 Every month you get a new one.

00:01:50.000 If you use one...

00:01:51.000 I know dudes that use the same razor for like four months at a time.

00:01:54.000 Not me.

00:01:54.000 You?

00:01:56.000 This one says that you will love this razor and your girlfriend can use it too. 0.98

00:01:59.000 That's the worst when a girl uses a razor and has that cold water in it and it's got that little hair. 1.00

00:02:05.000 The girls have cold water. 0.74

00:02:06.000 It comes from their bodies.

00:02:09.000 I use the same razor for years.

00:02:11.000 I use an electric razor.

00:02:12.000 I use it once a week.

00:02:13.000 I have a ritual.

00:02:14.000 Right before I have to go to the UFC if I gotta go work, most of the time I hit it on Wednesday or Thursday.

00:02:19.000 And I just bang it out Wednesday and Thursday every week.

00:02:22.000 Just give it a quick wah, wah, wah.

00:02:24.000 Do the head at the same time.

00:02:26.000 I do the head.

00:02:26.000 Sometimes I do the body hair.

00:02:28.000 Occasionally I trim the pubes.

00:02:29.000 You have the right kind of hair for that, because my hair does not work on electric razors.

00:02:33.000 It just doesn't get close.

00:02:34.000 Yeah, you've got to have a rugged face, son.

00:02:36.000 For everybody else, dollarshaveclub.com is the way to go.

00:02:40.000 This is the way to go, though, for real.

00:02:42.000 If you're thinking about saving money, like how can I... If you're looking at all your bills and you go, there's got to be some waste in here.

00:02:50.000 For sure your razors are a waste if you could whack it down to a buck a month. 0.92

00:02:54.000 Also, they have manly butt wipes. 0.75

00:02:57.000 Wow. 0.72

00:02:58.000 Dr. Carver's Easy Shave Butter and One Wipe Charlies. 1.00

00:03:02.000 One Wipe Charlies are the manly butt wipes. 0.94

00:03:05.000 They are way more hygienic for your booty hole, Mr. Hattel. 0.95

00:03:08.000 They were the hardest to kill in Nam, the One Wipe Charlies. 1.00

00:03:13.000 Byron, forget one-wipe Charlie.

00:03:16.000 Gentlemen use wipes. 1.00

00:03:18.000 The problem is gentlemen don't have purses to carry these fucking wipes around. 0.99

00:03:21.000 What they need to do is have like a single-use size one-wipe Charlie that comes in like a business card holder type size. 0.99

00:03:28.000 That's a good idea. 0.99

00:03:29.000 Yeah, you peel that bitch open. 1.00

00:03:31.000 Wipe first, you know, if you have to take a road shit. 1.00

00:03:33.000 Yes. 1.00

00:03:35.000 Yeah, the businessman. 1.00

00:03:38.000 There's a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a restaurant. 0.99

00:03:42.000 I don't want to do this, but I got to do this. 0.99

00:03:44.000 I got to do this.

00:03:44.000 And you head in there, you unload, and if you had a little one-wipe charl in your pocket, of course you can make your own single use with a small Ziploc bag that you'd use for sandwiches or drugs.

00:03:53.000 I actually have a thing, a little small travel size one in my car I use for before I go to massage parlors if I don't feel fresh.

00:03:59.000 There you go.

00:04:00.000 Well, you're very considerate, Brian.

00:04:02.000 That's, you know, a lot of people say that that's the whole thing about prostitution is that, you know... 1.00

00:04:07.000 Men want to abuse women, but you don't. 0.98

00:04:10.000 You're so considerate.

00:04:11.000 I don't want them to smell anything.

00:04:12.000 You hit your One Wipe Charlies.

00:04:14.000 Yeah, they don't need to know.

00:04:15.000 They don't need to know nothing.

00:04:17.000 One Wipe Charlies, as is everything else, available at dollarshaveclub.com.

00:04:24.000 And if you go to dollarshaveclub.com, Rogan, You can get the party started, shave time, and shave money.

00:04:31.000 That's also theirs.

00:04:33.000 They said that.

00:04:34.000 They're so wacky.

00:04:34.000 Have you seen the commercial?

00:04:35.000 The actual guy who's the president does the commercial?

00:04:37.000 It's funny. 0.98

00:04:38.000 They're fucking funny. 0.99

00:04:39.000 They're over the top. 0.99

00:04:41.000 So they send you razors?

00:04:43.000 Yes.

00:04:43.000 That's great.

00:04:44.000 For a buck.

00:04:45.000 That's great.

00:04:46.000 Boom.

00:04:46.000 Done.

00:04:47.000 Because that's always the one thing you're like, oh, do I have a razor?

00:04:49.000 And then they're coming in the mail?

00:04:50.000 That's excellent.

00:04:51.000 Yeah, if you're a four-blade guy, let's say you get six bucks for a four-pack.

00:04:57.000 So one a week for a month.

00:04:58.000 Wow.

00:04:59.000 Beautiful.

00:05:00.000 For six dollars.

00:05:00.000 The dollar one, though, the one for a buck, it says, this razor does not front.

00:05:04.000 What does that even mean?

00:05:06.000 It's urban.

00:05:06.000 That's a good question.

00:05:08.000 What are they trying to do?

00:05:09.000 No fronting.

00:05:10.000 No fronting.

00:05:11.000 Step off.

00:05:12.000 Yeah, I wrote don't sleep on a tweet and people were debating what I was trying to, if I meant.

00:05:17.000 I meant the rapper way. 1.00

00:05:19.000 Don't sleep on that shit. 1.00

00:05:20.000 Don't sleep, son. 1.00

00:05:21.000 That's what I meant.

00:05:22.000 I didn't mean like, don't go to sleep.

00:05:24.000 I sleep all the time.

00:05:25.000 You should sleep too.

00:05:26.000 This is it.

00:05:27.000 Sleeping's important.

00:05:28.000 Anyway, don't front on that razor.

00:05:30.000 Because that razor don't front back. 0.92

00:05:32.000 Man, that humble twin don't front.

00:05:34.000 The humble twin, son. 1.00

00:05:35.000 And you get that shit for a buck a month. 1.00

00:05:37.000 I mean, our parents had those screw-down ones. 1.00

00:05:41.000 Oh, yeah.

00:05:41.000 That razor of death.

00:05:42.000 Yes.

00:05:43.000 Those are the ones people used to use to commit suicide.

00:05:46.000 Those are not good razors.

00:05:47.000 That's the Green Mile razor.

00:05:48.000 Oh.

00:05:49.000 Oh.

00:05:51.000 You ever watch those, like, lockdown shows?

00:05:53.000 Yes.

00:05:53.000 Like, you know, I think once a week they get to shave.

00:05:55.000 And it's like this big, like, procedure.

00:05:57.000 It's like almost like a Japanese tea ceremony.

00:05:59.000 The guy, like, you know, you know, whatever.

00:06:02.000 Cuff up!

00:06:02.000 And they put his hands out.

00:06:04.000 They put the lotion, you know?

00:06:05.000 And then they give him, like, this lady bick or something. 0.95

00:06:08.000 You know, it's like totally, you know, generic razor.

00:06:11.000 And then he's like...

00:06:12.000 The next thing, the place is just, you know, crawling with feces.

00:06:15.000 You imagine if life broke down to that, your big thrill every week is shaving.

00:06:20.000 Wow.

00:06:21.000 You imagine, like, if you lived in the Roman times, like, having a hot shower, you would have to be a god to have a hot shower.

00:06:29.000 Yeah.

00:06:30.000 To get what everybody gets in a Motel 6, you just turn on that faucet and stand there and just lather up.

00:06:34.000 That feels tremendous when you've had a tired day.

00:06:37.000 Yeah.

00:06:37.000 It's amazing.

00:06:38.000 Exactly, yeah.

00:06:38.000 We take it for granted.

00:06:39.000 They had nothing.

00:06:41.000 No shaving.

00:06:42.000 Nothing.

00:06:44.000 I think they were pluckers, actually.

00:06:45.000 I think they...

00:06:46.000 Like the Gladiator guys, they would just tweeze.

00:06:49.000 Come over?

00:06:49.000 They would tweeze or something, Spartacus, I forget.

00:06:52.000 I'm not surprised.

00:06:53.000 Yeah.

00:06:54.000 That's what I would do if I was living back then.

00:06:56.000 I would tweeze. 1.00

00:06:57.000 Fuck the commercials, dude. 1.00

00:06:58.000 The commercials are over. 1.00

00:06:59.000 Dollarshaveclub.com.

00:07:00.000 We don't even have to do the rest of it.

00:07:01.000 I'm sorry.

00:07:02.000 Unless you have a gig to promote.

00:07:04.000 No, not until Comic Con.

00:07:05.000 Beautiful.

00:07:06.000 This Friday night, I'm at the Lobero Theater with Joey Diaz, but I think it sold out.

00:07:11.000 Holla! 1.00

00:07:11.000 DollarShaveClub.com. 1.00

00:07:12.000 Dave, motherfucking a town. 0.99

00:07:15.000 What's up, man? 1.00

00:07:16.000 Thanks for having me.

00:07:17.000 No, no.

00:07:17.000 Thanks for being here, man.

00:07:18.000 Please.

00:07:19.000 I love it.

00:07:19.000 You know, can I say it?

00:07:20.000 Like, this is the third location that we've done this podcast.

00:07:23.000 We're sneaky, dog.

00:07:24.000 It's cool.

00:07:25.000 We keep moving.

00:07:25.000 I'm moving again, son.

00:07:26.000 You're moving around, man.

00:07:27.000 I'm planning my next escape.

00:07:29.000 Well, what I'm also doing is I'm slowly building a man cave, and the next one's going to have an archery range.

00:07:35.000 This one has a pool table, but I've decided that I need, like, a full warehouse.

00:07:38.000 An archery way to go.

00:07:40.000 And I'm going to do a Corolla style.

00:07:42.000 Adam Corolla has a soundproof podcast studio.

00:07:46.000 He's amazing.

00:07:47.000 He's a carpenter, you know?

00:07:49.000 Yes, yeah, he is.

00:07:50.000 He's like a master carpenter. 1.00

00:07:51.000 He really knows his shit. 0.99

00:07:53.000 So he builds everything. 1.00

00:07:54.000 He built his own desk that he communicates out of, you know, their podcast desk.

00:07:59.000 He built the walls where he has this plexiglass thing that separates them from the producers. 0.99

00:08:05.000 It's really fucking high-tech shit, but... 0.99

00:08:07.000 I was there a couple days ago, something like that, and you're absolutely right. 1.00

00:08:11.000 It's like a building.

00:08:12.000 I've never seen anything like it.

00:08:13.000 Inside the building, he built this contained thing.

00:08:18.000 Right. 1.00

00:08:18.000 He's a bad motherfucker, that guy. 1.00

00:08:20.000 He's constantly going, too. 1.00

00:08:21.000 He's a renaissance man.

00:08:22.000 Yeah.

00:08:24.000 He's got so many things that he's really knowledgeable about, like cars.

00:08:28.000 Talk to that guy about cars.

00:08:29.000 He does a car podcast.

00:08:32.000 Cars, woodcrafting, and then comedy.

00:08:35.000 He knows a lot about boxing, man.

00:08:36.000 He's a really good boxer.

00:08:37.000 I saw him teaching a guy, an MMA guy.

00:08:41.000 I believe it was Uriah Faber, I'm pretty sure.

00:08:43.000 He was holding the mitts for him and giving him instruction. 0.99

00:08:46.000 He's a fucking really good boxer. 1.00

00:08:48.000 He really knows his shit. 1.00

00:08:49.000 Very weird dude, that Adam Carolla. 1.00

00:08:52.000 I can't think of another Adam Carolla.

00:08:54.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:08:55.000 Yes.

00:08:55.000 Like, I can't think of another David Tell either, but you're right here, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

00:08:59.000 I don't want to start talking about you like that.

00:09:00.000 I've got some big shoes to fill, which Adam probably could make shoes.

00:09:03.000 He makes his own shoes.

00:09:05.000 Following Adam's cred.

00:09:07.000 He probably kills his own cows, hammers them up on the barn.

00:09:10.000 You like this belt?

00:09:11.000 Yeah.

00:09:12.000 I did it myself.

00:09:13.000 Leather.

00:09:13.000 Tans the hides.

00:09:16.000 Yeah, he's very fucking knowledgeable about houses, and he's got that show now on Spike where they bust people who are bad contractors to catch a contractor. 0.98

00:09:25.000 Have you seen it? 0.97

00:09:25.000 That's doing God's work, because that's a hard deal, man. 0.97

00:09:29.000 I know that myself.

00:09:29.000 You get a guy in.

00:09:30.000 Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:09:32.000 He was on, what is that show? 1.00

00:09:36.000 I guess it was Loveline.

00:09:37.000 And he had Ty Pennington, the guy who builds those houses.

00:09:41.000 And he started quizzing them about questions about how to build houses.

00:09:45.000 But the guy's a TV show host.

00:09:48.000 And he probably knows a little bit about houses because he's around them.

00:09:50.000 But he didn't get the gig because he's a contractor.

00:09:53.000 So Carolla starts throwing all these questions at him. 0.99

00:09:56.000 He didn't know shit. 0.97

00:09:58.000 He, well, just the name alone, Ty Pennington. 0.99

00:10:01.000 You know, this guy doesn't know his way around drywall or anything like that.

00:10:04.000 That's a little too fancy.

00:10:05.000 I would say he'd either be an awesome baseball player or maybe a figure skater.

00:10:09.000 Yeah, or butler in between the two.

00:10:11.000 Ty Pennington could be a butler.

00:10:12.000 He could run a butler service.

00:10:14.000 Ty!

00:10:16.000 If you went over someone's party and they had a butler, would you just turn around?

00:10:18.000 It really would depend what kind of butler it is.

00:10:21.000 If it's the old English type, I'd love it. 0.94

00:10:23.000 But if it's like this new kind of like, you know, wigger kid hanging out, yeah, my name's butler. 1.00

00:10:27.000 I wouldn't like it.

00:10:30.000 That could be a new gig.

00:10:32.000 People with great personalities that walk you around at their party.

00:10:36.000 Temporary butler gig, you know?

00:10:38.000 I think, you know, the cool thing about out here, you know, I'm East Coast.

00:10:43.000 Is that like when you come out here?

00:10:45.000 Everybody has somebody helping them do something and you and you really do need it because of all the driving and stuff like that.

00:10:51.000 And like, you know, I was in my hotel and like my door wasn't working.

00:10:55.000 So the guy came down to help me out and then he's like, oh man, I don't know how to do doors.

00:11:01.000 So I had to get the other guy.

00:11:02.000 So I'm like, even he has like a little assistant.

00:11:04.000 You know, I really, I really, you know, I don't know, I'm always mystified when I come out here, the amount of jobs there are.

00:11:10.000 There's like jobs in LA that aren't anywhere else, you know.

00:11:12.000 Well, the numbers of humans here is insane.

00:11:15.000 Yes.

00:11:16.000 LA is not the biggest city, per se, but it's the biggest area because it's not really one city.

00:11:22.000 It's like you never get away.

00:11:24.000 You keep going.

00:11:25.000 It goes deeper and deeper and deeper as far as traffic and population.

00:11:28.000 Do you know how if you're in New York, once you get outside of New York and then you hit Connecticut, things lighten up substantially.

00:11:36.000 Exactly.

00:11:36.000 You know, the amount of people that you see lightens up.

00:11:39.000 It spreads out.

00:11:40.000 Cities are less populated.

00:11:41.000 That's not the case with L.A. Not at all.

00:11:44.000 I know that I'm kind of out of L.A. when I see a party store center, like a party store center, and no one's there.

00:11:50.000 Then I know I'm like, I must be heading to Sacramento, or I'm in the meth area of California. 0.58

00:11:55.000 I don't know what it is.

00:11:57.000 Yeah, dollar stores.

00:11:59.000 Yeah, one of those weird, you know...

00:12:01.000 Whatever.

00:12:01.000 A weird cell phone company that no one understands how they're selling cell phones, like Cell Phone Repo Shop or something like that.

00:12:08.000 You know, they have those weird little ones at those strip malls.

00:12:11.000 We're like, what are they doing there?

00:12:12.000 Are they selling cell phones?

00:12:13.000 All like cool calling cards.

00:12:15.000 It's like, you can talk to Nairobi.

00:12:18.000 And that's it.

00:12:19.000 You know, there's no other place where the phone works.

00:12:22.000 Those little stalls that they have at the mall are another one, too.

00:12:27.000 It's like, you know, you could buy a phone right here.

00:12:29.000 Yeah.

00:12:30.000 You're just going to set it up here.

00:12:32.000 Like, we're out in the middle of everything.

00:12:33.000 I know, yeah. 1.00

00:12:34.000 How can you fucking... 1.00

00:12:35.000 You don't even have an office. 1.00

00:12:36.000 You're just going to turn my phone on here?

00:12:38.000 This is crazy.

00:12:39.000 I love the kiosk people because, you know, I'm kind of Russian-looking, and I always feel like that's my next gig.

00:12:45.000 We're going to kiosk.

00:12:47.000 You know, flying a remote-controlled helicopter no one needs.

00:12:50.000 That would actually be a good show.

00:12:51.000 You think?

00:12:52.000 Yeah, if you had a camera on you, just set up a camera and leave it there, and you sell cell phone covers, those glittery cell phone covers.

00:13:00.000 Yeah, you need one of those.

00:13:01.000 But everybody goes, it's David Tell.

00:13:03.000 You're David Tell.

00:13:04.000 Like, yep, this is my new show.

00:13:05.000 Made some bad choices.

00:13:07.000 Here I am.

00:13:08.000 Do you want one or not?

00:13:08.000 No, this is your show.

00:13:10.000 I really think that a really funny guy like yourself would be enjoyable if that was the only show.

00:13:16.000 You would find the funny in it just by talking to different people.

00:13:19.000 Sure.

00:13:19.000 If you did it a few hours a day, I guarantee you would get more funny out of that than your average sitcom.

00:13:24.000 If you filmed four days of just a few hours a day...

00:13:27.000 Me at the kiosk.

00:13:28.000 Yeah, it would be hilarious.

00:13:30.000 By like day three, you would have an act.

00:13:32.000 You would already know things that you could say to people that were hilarious on camera.

00:13:37.000 But, you know, here's the rub, because, you know, I'm older now, and, like, I have to go to the bathroom pretty much, like, every 35 minutes.

00:13:43.000 So who would watch my kiosk?

00:13:45.000 Well, you get one of those things that dudes use when they race car drive. 0.59

00:13:49.000 Oh.

00:13:49.000 It's like a condom catheter.

00:13:51.000 You wrap that baby over your pattern. 0.90

00:13:53.000 Oh, I wear, like, a diaper or something.

00:13:54.000 Okay.

00:13:54.000 No, it's, like, it's a condom.

00:13:56.000 Okay.

00:13:56.000 It goes over your...

00:13:57.000 Okay.

00:13:58.000 And it goes into a bag.

00:13:59.000 And you can keep the bag, like, strapped to your side, like a pistol.

00:14:04.000 Okay.

00:14:04.000 Or you can...

00:14:05.000 Or you can...

00:14:06.000 Hold on to it like a briefcase or a bowling ball bag.

00:14:09.000 Or just get a courtesy bucket.

00:14:11.000 Yeah, but then people are going to smell piss.

00:14:13.000 What about a good neighbor?

00:14:14.000 Maybe the guy at the kiosk down can help me out.

00:14:17.000 Hey, lady who's selling moisturizer no one needs, can you watch my kiosk? 1.00

00:14:21.000 Don't worry, there's no business for either one of us.

00:14:23.000 You could definitely do that because it would be a television show.

00:14:26.000 So because it's a television show, you could actually get people that were customers to watch the kiosk for you.

00:14:32.000 Oh.

00:14:32.000 You can totally do it.

00:14:33.000 Put a camera on them and see if they steal money.

00:14:35.000 Oh, that's cool.

00:14:36.000 Yeah.

00:14:36.000 That would be good, yeah.

00:14:37.000 Yeah, just say, this is the code.

00:14:38.000 Test them.

00:14:38.000 If anybody buys anything, you know how to count, right?

00:14:42.000 Exactly.

00:14:42.000 So, the guy gives you $20, you give them back $4.64, right?

00:14:46.000 You know how to do that.

00:14:47.000 You know what's cool?

00:14:48.000 Because some of those kiosks, they really do, like, they have, like, these, you know, they're selling things now that are really, I guess you could say, like, old school sorcery.

00:14:55.000 You know, like, just magic.

00:14:56.000 Yeah.

00:14:56.000 And they'll be like, look at this...

00:14:59.000 Look at this glitter thing, right?

00:15:01.000 Now we're going to make it look like, you know, do you miss your dead grandma?

00:15:04.000 Okay, now we can put that on a shirt and have her talk. 1.00

00:15:07.000 I'm like, wow, this is great.

00:15:08.000 Where's Houdini to debunk this?

00:15:11.000 Yeah, they're virtually going to have shirts that talk to you, right?

00:15:14.000 I'm telling you, they do.

00:15:14.000 That'll be the new thing.

00:15:15.000 It's a new merch.

00:15:16.000 It's a new level of merch. 1.00

00:15:18.000 Where you, like, run your hand across your chest and they go, step, bitch! 1.00

00:15:21.000 Yeah, it's for the dubstep kids. 1.00

00:15:24.000 That would be cool. 0.81

00:15:25.000 Just keep your mouth shut and your shirt talks, you know?

00:15:28.000 Or if it was Red Fox on your shirt.

00:15:30.000 Oh, that would be the best. 1.00

00:15:31.000 He goes, you big dummy. 1.00

00:15:36.000 Kids today, they don't know shit about Red Fox, do they? 1.00

00:15:38.000 They don't. 0.99

00:15:39.000 They really don't.

00:15:40.000 That was one of my favorite albums.

00:15:42.000 Red Fox, the Hello Dummy for Don Rickles, which is all crowd work, by the way.

00:15:48.000 Really?

00:15:48.000 It was groundbreaking with all that crowd work.

00:15:50.000 So when you're a little kid in mind, you have to imagine a crowd.

00:15:53.000 Wow.

00:15:54.000 Yeah, I only heard, when I was a little kid, the comedy albums I heard for the longest time We're all just like Cheech and Chong type stuff.

00:16:02.000 Oh, really?

00:16:03.000 I heard Cheech and Chong and Bill Cosby, but I can't remember if Bill Cosby, he must have done it with an audience, right?

00:16:08.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:16:09.000 No, he was rock hard, man.

00:16:10.000 He was already doing like those big theater shows and stuff like that.

00:16:13.000 I mean, maybe there's like ones from the 60s, the early 60s, where it was like, you know, like he's really super polite, you know, because, you know, like he had to come in through the kitchen, you know, back segregation style, you know, like one of those kind of things.

00:16:24.000 But other than that, I remember his stuff and it was always like a big event, you know?

00:16:29.000 Yeah, he's a guy who probably doesn't get enough credit, like, as a stand-up comic.

00:16:33.000 Yeah, you know, he's a storyteller comic, and I think that's kind of cool.

00:16:36.000 But I always liked what you said, like a Red Foxx.

00:16:38.000 I like the guys.

00:16:38.000 Those were, like, called party tapes or party albums.

00:16:41.000 And, like, you know, if you were listening to that, that meant that you were cool.

00:16:45.000 Like, wow, man, this is jazz!

00:16:48.000 Yeah, Red Foxx was like jazz comedy.

00:16:50.000 Did you ever hear any of the Red Foxx comedy club tapes?

00:16:54.000 No, I've never heard that.

00:16:55.000 Oh, dude.

00:16:56.000 Red Fox at one point in time had a comedy club, apparently.

00:16:59.000 Where?

00:17:00.000 I don't know.

00:17:01.000 It's got to be one of those cool, like, Topeka, Kansas.

00:17:03.000 No, I think it was probably like Peoria, Illinois or stuff like that.

00:17:06.000 Okay, there you go.

00:17:07.000 And we should find out.

00:17:10.000 Find out where Red Fox's comedy club was.

00:17:12.000 But he had Richard Pryor on a stage all the time, and they would record him, and you'd buy him in cassettes.

00:17:17.000 And I've not seen them online.

00:17:19.000 I used to own them on a cassette at one point in time.

00:17:21.000 Oh, wow.

00:17:21.000 But they were these great old sets where Pryor was just...

00:17:25.000 It was a small crowd, and Pryor was just fucking around. 0.99

00:17:28.000 Like, he'd be making shit up, like, as he was going along. 1.00

00:17:30.000 You could totally tell he was making shit up. 0.99

00:17:32.000 Really? 0.99

00:17:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:33.000 Was he famous then, or was it, like, before?

00:17:35.000 I think he was, like, famous, like...

00:17:39.000 Maybe like us famous.

00:17:41.000 Like not real famous.

00:17:42.000 Not like Richard Pryor famous.

00:17:43.000 Exactly.

00:17:43.000 He was on his way to becoming Richard Pryor famous.

00:17:46.000 Wow. 0.99

00:17:46.000 And he would fuck around in these small clubs like Red Fox's Club. 0.99

00:17:52.000 It was just, oh man, as a comic, I remember I was an open miker and I would drive to gigs and listen to them. 0.99

00:17:57.000 Oh man, I'm jealous of that.

00:17:59.000 That's cool.

00:18:00.000 I'm reading Flip Wilson's book.

00:18:02.000 You know, Flip Wilson's another guy who like, you ask anybody under 40, they'll be like, who?

00:18:07.000 Who's that?

00:18:08.000 Oh.

00:18:08.000 Yeah, I remember.

00:18:10.000 He, you know, I'm not through the whole book yet, but him and Red Fox had this kind of like love-hate relationship because Red Fox was like hardcore and Flip Wilson was like, you know, the up-and-coming guy.

00:18:21.000 And supposedly like Red was really kind of like tough loving on Flip.

00:18:27.000 And then Flip was like, you know, he'd borrow money from me.

00:18:29.000 He wouldn't even recognize me.

00:18:30.000 Like, you know, you walk in a club and like he wouldn't even say hello or anything like that.

00:18:33.000 And then he got a call from Flip.

00:18:38.000 No, Red Foxx was on Carson.

00:18:40.000 And he said, who is the funniest guy in the country?

00:18:42.000 Johnny asked me.

00:18:43.000 He goes, Flip Wilson.

00:18:44.000 And the next day he got a call.

00:18:45.000 To be on the show, and that kind of started his whole career.

00:18:47.000 So he owes his whole career to Red Fox.

00:18:48.000 Isn't that cool?

00:18:49.000 That's amazing.

00:18:50.000 That is cool, you know?

00:18:50.000 That's very cool.

00:18:51.000 His fucking show was funny, man. 1.00

00:18:53.000 Flip Wilson show. 1.00

00:18:55.000 Oh, oh, Reds. 0.89

00:18:56.000 Yeah.

00:18:56.000 Okay.

00:18:57.000 But Flip Wilson was funny too, man.

00:18:58.000 I remember Flip Wilson from back in the day.

00:19:00.000 Yeah, you know, like, when you read the book and you read, like, what he went through and all that kind of stuff, it was like, you know, the trials and tribulations of, like, the early, early road, plus the segregation and all that stuff.

00:19:09.000 I mean, like, it really is kind of a really interesting story, almost like a Hobbit-like journey adventure, you know, of ups and downs and stuff like that.

00:19:17.000 But Red Foxx is definitely the guy.

00:19:20.000 He was hardcore, you know, and you gotta love hardcore.

00:19:22.000 What a unique American perspective to be a black man who grew up in that era and then became a huge celebrity.

00:19:31.000 Yeah.

00:19:32.000 What a shift of things that must have been for him and how strange it must have been to go through...

00:19:37.000 Like, when you're talking about Cosby having to go through the kitchen, that really rang a bell with me.

00:19:42.000 I'm thinking about that.

00:19:42.000 Yeah, no.

00:19:43.000 I wasn't saying it to be a dick or anything. 0.97

00:19:45.000 I mean, like, they really had to, like... 0.98

00:19:47.000 Mm-hmm.

00:19:47.000 You know, and this stuff...

00:19:48.000 The stuff that they, like, you know, like, traveling.

00:19:51.000 You know, like, think about it back then.

00:19:53.000 Segregation, like, they couldn't wait in the train station. 1.00

00:19:55.000 You know, they had to, like, catch it on the way out, you know, or something, you know.

00:19:58.000 It's really, like, you know.

00:20:00.000 It's incredible that it was in our lifetime.

00:20:02.000 Oh, absolutely, yeah.

00:20:03.000 It's just hard to wrap your head around the idea that people were capable of judging people just by the color of their skin just a few years ago.

00:20:14.000 And really today, too.

00:20:15.000 There's plenty of people that do it today. 0.99

00:20:16.000 They just can't do it as openly as whites-only faucets and shit like that. 0.98

00:20:22.000 Well, the Sterling thing, I mean, everybody's talking about, what do you think about this, dude? 0.99

00:20:25.000 He's an old dude, man. 0.99

00:20:26.000 82. There's a lot of old racists, man. 0.97

00:20:28.000 There's a lot of old guys that grew up in that era, you know?

00:20:32.000 I mean, think about if you're 82 years old.

00:20:35.000 Yeah.

00:20:35.000 That guy has been around, man.

00:20:38.000 Absolutely.

00:20:39.000 You know, so 40 years ago, 40 years ago, we're talking about the 1970s, you know, the 60s before that when he was like our age.

00:20:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:20:49.000 That guy was, he's old as fuck, man. 1.00

00:20:52.000 Well, I hope it doesn't make everybody think that all 82-year-old Jewish general managers of NBA teams with a super hot 22-year-old girlfriend are racist. 1.00

00:21:02.000 You know, the dude obviously got set up.

00:21:05.000 Yeah.

00:21:05.000 But isn't it weird that, like, what if we find that more people think like that?

00:21:10.000 Like, what if we're persecuting this guy now because he said it?

00:21:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:15.000 But what if we find out, like, sometime in the future, you know, just have a guy sit down and stare into a screen for a couple of seconds and they read your eyeballs and go, oh, you fucking hate black people. 1.00

00:21:26.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:21:27.000 And, like, it turns out that, like, this shit has been in your head the whole time. 0.99

00:21:31.000 That's funny. 0.99

00:21:31.000 And people have been saying things the whole time. 0.99

00:21:33.000 It starts, like, reading your memory of all the different times of the past when you called someone a nigger. 1.00

00:21:37.000 Like, oh shit! 1.00

00:21:39.000 And it just starts pulling it out of your brain. 1.00

00:21:41.000 And like, hey man, you did everything you persecuted that guy for.

00:21:45.000 I think there's a lot of people doing that.

00:21:47.000 And there's a lot of people that are jumping up to blame the guy. 0.96

00:21:49.000 Yeah, he's definitely a racist.

00:21:51.000 Yeah, he definitely shouldn't be working with the NBA, but he's an old dude. 0.97

00:21:55.000 It's more sad than anything.

00:21:57.000 Well, that's funny how you bring it up, like, you know, like, how racist is somebody?

00:21:59.000 Like, I think if you watch the Winter Olympics, you're a racist, because that is the whitest thing, you know what I'm saying? 0.77

00:22:05.000 All that ice skating and skiing, that's all white. 1.00

00:22:07.000 It's just whiteness.

00:22:08.000 That's a very good point.

00:22:09.000 Yeah, so it's like, if you know Sochi, and I'm like, mm-hmm, there you go. 0.96

00:22:13.000 Yeah, there's probably racists that move far north just to get away from black people. 0.90

00:22:17.000 Like, they know they're going to be around white people. 1.00

00:22:19.000 Only white people are crazy enough to want to ski all the time. 1.00

00:22:21.000 White flight. 0.99

00:22:22.000 At first I was thinking, though, what if he has, like, early signs of, uh...

00:22:26.000 Autism.

00:22:27.000 Autism, uh...

00:22:28.000 The other one.

00:22:29.000 Yeah, the...

00:22:29.000 Where you can't...

00:22:30.000 Now I can't think of...

00:22:30.000 Amnesia?

00:22:31.000 Uh, Alzheimer's.

00:22:32.000 Alzheimer's. 0.99

00:22:33.000 Because I know when my great-grandmother had Alzheimer's, she was racist as fuck, and she thought I was her husband, and, like, it was just... 0.99

00:22:38.000 And she sounded normal. 0.99

00:22:40.000 She's like, oh, you're Brian.

00:22:41.000 Oh, come here, baby.

00:22:42.000 You know, like...

00:22:42.000 Well, that's a good point, really.

00:22:44.000 Because anyone who gets older, like that old, your brain's compromised. 1.00

00:22:48.000 There's just no doubt about it.

00:22:49.000 It's a sad thing to witness.

00:22:51.000 They get dementia.

00:22:53.000 They get real wacky.

00:22:53.000 It's a sad thing to witness, but it's inevitable, it seems like.

00:22:57.000 They've never figured out anything to slow it down, either. 1.00

00:23:01.000 Once that shit starts, it's going to keep going bad. 1.00

00:23:05.000 It's even scarier also to think how horrible that woman was in it. 1.00

00:23:08.000 Like, she just made me mad because you could tell how much she was fishing that poor guy, you know?

00:23:12.000 But how many girls do that? 1.00

00:23:14.000 Like, record, like, get to the end of a relationship, like, you know what?

00:23:17.000 I'm going to ruin this guy by recording them and posting their text messages. 1.00

00:23:20.000 Well, he's a multi-billionaire who says a lot of racist shit, and she's half black, you know? 1.00

00:23:26.000 I mean, how do you think that feels to her? 1.00

00:23:27.000 She was half pissed. 0.97

00:23:29.000 She's half black. 0.92

00:23:32.000 I think she's half Mexican, too.

00:23:34.000 Oh, really?

00:23:34.000 She's a beautiful girl.

00:23:35.000 Wow.

00:23:35.000 Yeah, she is hot.

00:23:36.000 She probably felt like, fuck this old racist asshole that I've been blowing for the past couple years. 1.00

00:23:43.000 Yeah, but really, how old is she? 1.00

00:23:44.000 She's in her 20s, right? 1.00

00:23:45.000 I don't know, but Vivid and a black cock need to get together with her. 1.00

00:23:49.000 Well, it's already happened. 1.00

00:23:51.000 That was one of the things that I thought was hilarious about the recording was that the dude said, I don't care if you fuck them. 1.00

00:23:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:57.000 Well, he wants to watch. 1.00

00:23:58.000 Yeah, maybe.

00:23:59.000 She's going to be now.

00:24:00.000 Might be all cuckoldy.

00:24:01.000 Yeah, there's dudes that are purposely targeting her. 0.99

00:24:04.000 Their dicks are like guided missiles. 1.00

00:24:06.000 Giant athletes. 0.99

00:24:07.000 Well, I don't know.

00:24:08.000 She should have thought it out also because, you know, I'm sure they broke up, right?

00:24:13.000 I mean...

00:24:14.000 Where else is she going to find another 82-year-old billionaire Jewish owner of a NBA team?

00:24:19.000 I mean, if that's her style, her guy, you know?

00:24:22.000 You know, it's really hilarious that prostitution is illegal.

00:24:25.000 It really is hilarious.

00:24:26.000 Because if prostitution wasn't illegal, none of this would be a problem.

00:24:30.000 That guy, look, their relationship, I mean, who knows what it was at one point in time, but it's safe to say... 0.99

00:24:36.000 That when it boils down to a chick recording you and baiting you to talk bad about black people, that the fucking relationship is, like, she doesn't really like you anymore. 0.99

00:24:44.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:24:45.000 Obviously, right?

00:24:46.000 In fact, she's trying to get back.

00:24:48.000 Come on, man.

00:24:49.000 So she targeted him for money.

00:24:51.000 You think?

00:24:52.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:24:53.000 But the crazy thing is that, like, his wife is trying to get the money back now, saying that she embezzled it.

00:24:58.000 Look, that's how it goes. 0.79

00:25:00.000 If you're an old, wrinkly dude, and you want to bang a hot chick, you've got to give her something. 1.00

00:25:05.000 Yeah, but if you have grandchildren older than your girlfriend, because he has to have grandchildren that are older than her. 0.93

00:25:10.000 He probably does.

00:25:11.000 That's weird.

00:25:12.000 But what do we care?

00:25:13.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:25:14.000 If she wants to fuck him and he promises her a condo, I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:25:20.000 I think it's an important point, though, to get the guy out of the NBA. I think that's an important point. 1.00

00:25:26.000 I think it's awesome that they did that.

00:25:27.000 Did they ban him, for real?

00:25:28.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:25:29.000 Because fuck that guy, man. 1.00

00:25:31.000 Fuck that feeling that someone around you who owns the team feels like that about black people. 1.00

00:25:36.000 Yes. 1.00

00:25:37.000 It's just... 1.00

00:25:38.000 Ooh, goddamn. 1.00

00:25:39.000 How does he get hot? 1.00

00:25:40.000 Oh, he's beautiful. 1.00

00:25:40.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

00:25:41.000 That's how it works, man. 0.97

00:25:42.000 If you want to get one of those, you gotta pay.

00:25:44.000 He doesn't look 82 to me.

00:25:46.000 He looks about 84. Yeah.

00:25:48.000 He looks good.

00:25:50.000 He looks about as bad as you can look and still be alive.

00:25:54.000 But remember, he's a billionaire, so that's money.

00:25:57.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:25:58.000 That's that kind of money.

00:25:59.000 I guess I'll have to buy an island and be a king.

00:26:02.000 I mean, what is he going to do?

00:26:03.000 You know what he did? 1.00

00:26:04.000 He fucked up. 0.99

00:26:06.000 Because he, in some ways, didn't recognize the relationship. 1.00

00:26:11.000 Didn't recognize what was going on there.

00:26:13.000 In some ways, he must have been roped into the romance of it all.

00:26:18.000 Oh, sure. 0.99

00:26:18.000 What he should have done is he's got so much fucking money, and let's be realistic, not much fucking time. 0.99

00:26:26.000 How much time does that guy have? 0.99

00:26:27.000 I don't know.

00:26:28.000 I think powerful rich guys, for some reason, that gives you another seven years or something.

00:26:31.000 It's like the reverse of smoking.

00:26:33.000 It's just like evil power gives you another seven years.

00:26:37.000 I don't think he's using it.

00:26:38.000 He can't be.

00:26:39.000 A billion dollars is like...

00:26:41.000 A person who's 30 would have a really hard time spending a billion dollars. 1.00

00:26:45.000 I mean, you have to be a real fucking asshole to go through a billion dollars. 1.00

00:26:49.000 I think this cat, if he just was a little bit more generous with his money, recognized the situation, and said, listen, you know, I got a billion dollars. 1.00

00:26:57.000 That's a thousand million.

00:26:59.000 How am I going to throw a couple million your way? 0.58

00:27:00.000 He should have thrown a gold bar at her head.

00:27:02.000 Wouldn't that be great? 1.00

00:27:04.000 Now shut the fuck up! 1.00

00:27:06.000 Damn, I think that's misogynist. 1.00

00:27:09.000 Wouldn't that be the best? 1.00

00:27:10.000 That's misogyny. 0.66

00:27:12.000 They're both wearing crowns, like real crowns, not like Chuck E. Cheese crowns.

00:27:15.000 Real crowns.

00:27:16.000 I couldn't hear you.

00:27:17.000 I'm wearing a gold crown. 1.00

00:27:20.000 He sits around the house in a bathrobe, Rodney Dangerfield style, his dick hanging out with a chroma. 1.00

00:27:25.000 Yeah, that was the best. 0.99

00:27:26.000 Rodney, God bless him, you know.

00:27:28.000 Oh, God.

00:27:29.000 The last few years of Rodney, that was the best.

00:27:32.000 Rodney was great, man.

00:27:34.000 He, you know, you got to say one thing.

00:27:36.000 Like, there's some guys who get famous and can't handle it.

00:27:38.000 He handled it.

00:27:39.000 He loved it.

00:27:40.000 Like a boss.

00:27:41.000 He loved it.

00:27:41.000 You know why?

00:27:42.000 He was already an older man when he became famous.

00:27:44.000 And he had worked.

00:27:45.000 Like, he had given up on show business for a long time and went back to work.

00:27:48.000 Oh, right.

00:27:49.000 Someone was on the show.

00:27:51.000 It was like an aluminum cider or something like that.

00:27:53.000 Someone on the show was talking about it.

00:27:54.000 God, I wish I could remember who it was.

00:27:56.000 It might have been Fitzsimmons.

00:27:58.000 I'll find out.

00:27:59.000 He'll be here on Thursday.

00:28:00.000 But Rodney went back and kept writing.

00:28:04.000 So when he went back to comedy after all those years off, he had like notebook upon notebook upon notebook filled with jokes.

00:28:09.000 Yeah.

00:28:10.000 Oh, it was Hinchcliffe.

00:28:12.000 That's who it was.

00:28:13.000 It was Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:28:14.000 Oh, okay.

00:28:14.000 Because, yeah, Tony actually is a great joke writer, too.

00:28:17.000 He's fucking hilarious, that kid. 0.90

00:28:18.000 He was with me and Brea this weekend, and he rocked it out. 0.97

00:28:21.000 I love that kid.

00:28:21.000 He's hilarious.

00:28:22.000 I take him with me all the time.

00:28:23.000 He kills it on the road.

00:28:24.000 Oh, cool. 0.99

00:28:25.000 That's excellent.

00:28:25.000 See, that's what I like about you, man.

00:28:27.000 It's like, you know, like, I'm doing this comedy underground show.

00:28:29.000 I don't want to self-promote or anything, but, like, it's about, like, getting the new guys who don't really fit yet, like, anywhere.

00:28:36.000 Like, you know, they're, like, new.

00:28:38.000 Getting them out there.

00:28:39.000 Letting them do, like, a raw, uncensored set.

00:28:40.000 That's really important.

00:28:41.000 You've been doing that for years, so, dude.

00:28:43.000 Excellent.

00:28:43.000 Well, thank you, sir.

00:28:44.000 Thank you.

00:28:45.000 Well, you know, what I did was when I first started coming up and doing comedy, I had a really hard time getting gigs because I was dirty.

00:28:53.000 And I had a lot of people tell me that I had to clean my act up or clean my act up now.

00:28:57.000 And then, you know, once you make it, then you can do whatever you want.

00:29:00.000 But until you're a headliner and people come to see you, you can't do that.

00:29:03.000 And I never understood then.

00:29:05.000 I get it now from their point of view.

00:29:07.000 So it makes it really hard for these guys to work.

00:29:10.000 You know, like a guy like Diaz or a guy like Ari.

00:29:12.000 Nobody wanted Diaz to open for them.

00:29:15.000 No one.

00:29:16.000 But for me, I thought, like, this guy...

00:29:19.000 I mean, I think, how does a guy like that get an outlet unless it's the internet?

00:29:24.000 I mean, you can't put that guy on regular shows.

00:29:26.000 He doesn't come through.

00:29:27.000 You don't see what he really does.

00:29:29.000 Absolutely.

00:29:29.000 And Joey's a hitter.

00:29:31.000 He's a headliner.

00:29:32.000 Both names that you just said, Ari and Joey, they're both headliners.

00:29:35.000 So to bring them out on the road, it's great because you're opening up to a whole new audience.

00:29:41.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:29:42.000 Because I know my audience is very cool with, like, Rough comedy, but they also like really good comedy, and they can take a joke.

00:29:48.000 They're not like groaners, really.

00:29:50.000 So when I bring out the guys and they do their rough stuff, they like it.

00:29:53.000 Yeah, they want to hear it.

00:29:54.000 And they know that it's Dave Attell approved.

00:29:57.000 Exactly.

00:29:58.000 That's kind of what Rodney did.

00:30:00.000 You know, when Rodney did those HBO Young Comedian specials?

00:30:03.000 Absolutely.

00:30:03.000 It's really the same thing.

00:30:04.000 You know, those things stick in my head more than almost any other special.

00:30:08.000 It's like seeing like the Bill Hicks and the Dice Man, like just seeing them do their thing in those short doses.

00:30:13.000 Because you think about it now, it's like you're used to like a long redux of both of them.

00:30:17.000 But seeing them do like a little short set, like you don't see that much, you know?

00:30:21.000 No, you don't.

00:30:21.000 Because they were like, in your mind, they're like mega stars.

00:30:24.000 But back then they were like guys just trying to break in, you know?

00:30:26.000 And they all broke through.

00:30:28.000 I mean, think about those old HBO specials.

00:30:30.000 You had Dom Irera.

00:30:32.000 Right.

00:30:32.000 Excellent.

00:30:33.000 Yeah, Dom Irera, Dice Clay, Bill Hicks, Sam Kinison, Bob Nelson.

00:30:39.000 Remember Bob Nelson?

00:30:40.000 Bob Nelson from Long Island.

00:30:42.000 He was a legend there for 20 years before I even started comedy.

00:30:45.000 So when I first met him, I was like, oh my god, it's Bob Nelson.

00:30:48.000 I got a manager.

00:30:50.000 Sussman became my manager because of Bob Nelson.

00:30:52.000 Really?

00:30:53.000 Yeah, Bob Nelson decided to go super Jesus.

00:30:56.000 Yes.

00:30:57.000 And sober, you know, with like a guy who would be like a prayer buddy.

00:31:03.000 And the prayer buddy became his manager, I guess.

00:31:07.000 I don't know.

00:31:08.000 I don't know the exact story.

00:31:08.000 That's so true.

00:31:09.000 He met a woman and he got re-baptized or whatever that is, you know.

00:31:14.000 And he...

00:31:16.000 He totally did a family-friendly act, and nobody was really digging it.

00:31:19.000 And I was like, you know, Bob was never that dirty.

00:31:21.000 No.

00:31:22.000 I was like, I don't know what, you know...

00:31:23.000 He didn't have to change anything.

00:31:24.000 Yeah, and for some reason, I guess...

00:31:26.000 No, I think he wouldn't do certain places because they served alcohol or something.

00:31:29.000 Oh, one of those things.

00:31:30.000 Yeah, maybe.

00:31:31.000 I don't really know the whole story, but I do know that it was a heartache when he stopped doing it.

00:31:34.000 Oh, wow.

00:31:36.000 Wow.

00:31:37.000 That's crazy.

00:31:38.000 Yeah.

00:31:39.000 He was a funny guy, man.

00:31:40.000 He was so, like...

00:31:41.000 Jiffy Jeff's gym.

00:31:44.000 It's funny bits, man.

00:31:45.000 Those are the things where, like, when he put the balloons, you know, to make the shoulder pads and all that kind of stuff, that was the thing where, like, you're like...

00:31:51.000 I feel sorry for the next guy who has to follow that because this is going to be like almost a tank beyond tanking.

00:31:57.000 Jamie, can you adjust the mic so that people can see Dave's face?

00:32:00.000 Oh, sorry.

00:32:01.000 It's okay.

00:32:02.000 Yeah, I tried to get a camera, but it didn't work.

00:32:04.000 Yeah, that's good.

00:32:05.000 Perfect.

00:32:05.000 Thank you.

00:32:06.000 Thanks, man.

00:32:07.000 Yeah, it's weird when you think back to those guys that sort of just dropped off that were really, really funny.

00:32:13.000 Ben Creed.

00:32:14.000 Do you remember him?

00:32:14.000 I do remember Ben Creed.

00:32:16.000 Yeah.

00:32:17.000 I like these names because I always think of them as Long Island.

00:32:20.000 I'm very precious on it.

00:32:21.000 You know, I'm sure you talked about this, because you, you know, you're a supporter of comedy, but Otto and George, who, you know, I called into ONA, and I go, you know, I think I asked Norton, I go, did he ever work, you know, did he ever work LA? And he's like, no.

00:32:37.000 I go, well, he must have worked Vegas.

00:32:38.000 And I'm like, for those, you know, the fans listening and all that, he was, he recently passed away.

00:32:43.000 He was a great ventriloquist.

00:32:45.000 There was no one like him.

00:32:47.000 And I wish I had seen one of those Vegas shows.

00:32:49.000 That must have been Awesome.

00:32:51.000 Because he is not a Vegas act.

00:32:53.000 No, he's not.

00:32:54.000 I did Dangerfields with him.

00:32:56.000 I did the prom shows.

00:32:57.000 We did like five weeks in a row.

00:32:59.000 The prom shows.

00:33:01.000 See, now that's the bootleg I want to hear.

00:33:03.000 Oh my god, we had so much fun.

00:33:04.000 It was a crazy...

00:33:05.000 Do you remember Dangerfields?

00:33:07.000 Yeah.

00:33:07.000 Do you remember the big Scottish guy that used to run it before the sun took over?

00:33:11.000 No, I don't remember that guy.

00:33:13.000 He was this big Scottish powerlifter. 0.98

00:33:14.000 He was fucking hilarious. 0.99

00:33:16.000 Really? 0.99

00:33:16.000 He was funnier than 90% of the comedians there. 0.99

00:33:18.000 And he was a massive, massive guy. 0.99

00:33:21.000 And he would do these barbarian fucking powerlifts in his backyard. 0.99

00:33:26.000 He had Olympic weights in his backyard. 1.00

00:33:28.000 He'd do deadlifts and shit all day. 0.99

00:33:30.000 The guy was enormous. 0.99

00:33:31.000 Really?

00:33:31.000 But not like a bodybuilder, just like this huge barrel of meat.

00:33:36.000 He would grab kids.

00:33:38.000 I saw him grab a kid by the neck, grabbed his neck and his pants, and lifted him up during one of the prom shows.

00:33:45.000 Because those Long Island and Bronx kids, they get crazy aggressive. 1.00

00:33:50.000 The Tri-States.

00:33:51.000 A kid went on stage, took Al Lubel's microphone away from him, and blew smoke in his face.

00:33:57.000 Wow.

00:33:57.000 Yeah, and Alubel had a meltdown.

00:33:59.000 Yes. 0.99

00:33:59.000 No one knew what the fuck to do. 0.99

00:34:01.000 It was insanity. 0.99

00:34:02.000 Nobody stopped it.

00:34:03.000 Was he naked at that point?

00:34:05.000 Because, you know, he takes off his clothes at the end of his act.

00:34:07.000 He stopped doing that.

00:34:07.000 Okay.

00:34:08.000 That's when he stopped doing that.

00:34:09.000 Okay.

00:34:09.000 You know, after the guy takes your microphone, then he goes, continue with your jokes!

00:34:13.000 You can't really whip your cock out then. 0.99

00:34:16.000 Those prom shows, I think every comic has to go through those years of the prom shows. 0.99

00:34:22.000 There's two things that happen at the prom show.

00:34:23.000 One of them is that you're like, what high school is this?

00:34:27.000 These kids, they're already too adult for what you think.

00:34:31.000 And then you get really old and you're like, wow, this is weird.

00:34:35.000 But now those kind of kids, the fun kids, the bad kids, that's like...

00:34:40.000 Over.

00:34:41.000 Now, like, the kids come out, they're all rolling on, you know, Adderall, and, you know, they got their phones out, they're happy, you know, they're just glad to be out.

00:34:48.000 I had a cheap thing that I would do, where I'd get them on my side, like, right away, when I'd do a prom show.

00:34:54.000 I don't remember the exact wording, but it was something along the lines of, you know, what you guys are right now is adults that don't know anything. 0.99

00:35:04.000 And all these motherfuckers that are adults that are telling you what to do, look at their lives, look how miserable they are, and stop. 0.99

00:35:11.000 Stop the whole thing, take it from here. 1.00

00:35:14.000 You know, it's basically like the foundation of my philosophy that I formed over life, but this is when I was 21, and I really was way too stupid to have opinions. 1.00

00:35:23.000 I was an idiot. 1.00

00:35:24.000 You're like the older brother. 1.00

00:35:25.000 I was probably a little older than 21 because I was in New York, so I must have been 24. Those days were crazy.

00:35:33.000 I don't even know if they...

00:35:34.000 Don't they do like...

00:35:35.000 Promises are different now.

00:35:36.000 They're like political statements and stuff.

00:35:38.000 It's like, I'm bringing a spotted owl as my date because I believe in...

00:35:42.000 I'm going to adopt a highway.

00:35:44.000 We're not even going to go out. 0.99

00:35:46.000 If you took them to Dangerfields today and someone told a bunch of cunt jokes... 1.00

00:35:49.000 Oh, God! 1.00

00:35:51.000 Lord.

00:35:52.000 It would be on the front page of salon.com.

00:35:55.000 Yeah.

00:35:55.000 The club would be shut down.

00:35:56.000 What's that show that the improv does once in a while where they bring all those kids from a camp and you're like, I'm doing comedy in front of 11 year olds?

00:36:02.000 I did that once.

00:36:04.000 That's right.

00:36:04.000 I did that once and they didn't even tell me to tone it down.

00:36:07.000 Ari went up in front of me and got crazy dirty. 1.00

00:36:11.000 I mean, Ari was just, all he wanted to talk about was like, who here's Heather Dick sucked? 1.00

00:36:15.000 Raise your hand. 0.98

00:36:16.000 Oh, wow.

00:36:17.000 He's like, it's awesome, right?

00:36:18.000 Is it awesome?

00:36:19.000 It's awesome.

00:36:20.000 If you have it, you should try it.

00:36:22.000 And people were going nuts.

00:36:24.000 Red-faced.

00:36:25.000 Everybody was freaking out.

00:36:25.000 Isn't that the worst?

00:36:26.000 I forget the exact words he was using, but it was something along those lines.

00:36:29.000 Like, ask them, like, have you figured a girl yet?

00:36:31.000 And people were like, what?

00:36:32.000 Yeah, all the comics were like, I'm not changing my material.

00:36:35.000 I'm not going to, like, so everyone just did it, like, dirty and the kids love it.

00:36:38.000 But what was more uncomfortable was watching the chaperones.

00:36:41.000 Yeah.

00:36:41.000 Because they're like, what?

00:36:41.000 What are we supposed to do?

00:36:43.000 They're the ones who are going to get fired.

00:36:44.000 That's a long bus ride back to the camp.

00:36:47.000 Who wants ice cream? 1.00

00:36:48.000 Stop shaking.

00:36:49.000 Who wants ice cream? 1.00

00:36:53.000 I would love to see Ari in that situation. 1.00

00:36:56.000 Sometimes even Ari makes me feel uncomfortable when I'm watching him.

00:36:59.000 I'm an adult.

00:37:02.000 When we would do the prom shows, they wouldn't rotate out the audience.

00:37:06.000 So there's 200 people in the crowd, right?

00:37:08.000 Dangerfield holds about 200, right?

00:37:10.000 Not a big room.

00:37:11.000 It's not a big room.

00:37:12.000 It's a dark room, though.

00:37:12.000 So you really don't know.

00:37:14.000 Very cool room.

00:37:15.000 Anyway, they would get those people in, then they would just start shoving new people in.

00:37:23.000 Really?

00:37:40.000 Oh, I see.

00:37:41.000 That was their strategy for crowd control.

00:37:43.000 So the guy says to me, he goes, I think his name is Darren.

00:37:45.000 He goes, you've got to stop telling new jokes.

00:37:47.000 I go, what?

00:37:48.000 He goes, because you're doing like five shows a night.

00:37:51.000 He goes, you've got to stop telling new jokes trying to get these people out of here.

00:37:53.000 You've got to go back to the same jokes.

00:37:54.000 They go, oh my god.

00:37:55.000 I'm like, you can't tell me what to do.

00:37:57.000 You can't tell me what to say.

00:37:58.000 Yeah, really?

00:37:59.000 Our job description is confused here.

00:38:02.000 I'm a comedian.

00:38:03.000 You hire me.

00:38:04.000 I'm a subcontractor.

00:38:06.000 That's why you don't pay me insurance.

00:38:07.000 I go on for 30 minutes, and you don't tell me what to do.

00:38:10.000 You either hire me or you don't.

00:38:11.000 That Danger Feels Club, I'm glad you brought that up, because they have rules there that no other club...

00:38:16.000 Did you ever bring up, why is there such a big piano on stage?

00:38:19.000 And then they'll be like, oh, you've got to understand that this was the original.

00:38:22.000 They have all these different things.

00:38:24.000 Don't even ask for a fork there.

00:38:26.000 It's like, we don't allow a fork since the blah, blah.

00:38:28.000 Everything is this long historical story.

00:38:31.000 And I just know to get booked there, you have to call in almost...

00:38:35.000 Six months in advance.

00:38:36.000 Really?

00:38:37.000 It's like, how's your 2015 looking?

00:38:39.000 I was like, I don't know.

00:38:40.000 I don't even know if I'm going to be doing comedy by then.

00:38:42.000 It's still like that?

00:38:43.000 The last time I called out, I was like, we try and book a month in advance.

00:38:47.000 And in comedy, you go week to week, if that.

00:38:49.000 Well, in cities.

00:38:50.000 Yeah, in the cities.

00:38:51.000 When you're booking a club, a headliner club on the road, like Zany's in Nashville or something along those lines.

00:38:57.000 But if it's like New York or L.A., Yeah, for like a $20 spot.

00:39:01.000 Back then, I think it was like $15, maybe $12 or something like that.

00:39:04.000 But to go like, what are you doing next month? 0.98

00:39:06.000 And in your mind, you're like, I know I'm available because I suck. 0.94

00:39:09.000 But what if something amazing happens? 0.94

00:39:12.000 Yeah, you can't book out that far in advance.

00:39:15.000 Well, they're so old school, they have a different era appeal to them.

00:39:20.000 Yes.

00:39:20.000 The whole place does.

00:39:21.000 You feel like you're in a time capsule when you walk into it.

00:39:24.000 That's like the comedy store in LA. Like, that is the most clubby feel club in this town.

00:39:29.000 And, like, whenever I go in there, I always feel, like, a little bit more relaxed, you know?

00:39:33.000 Yeah.

00:39:33.000 And, like, you know, I'm not putting down the other clubs, but I'd say, like, that's as clubby and New York clubby as it gets here, you know?

00:39:40.000 Yeah, I agree.

00:39:41.000 You know?

00:39:42.000 That's the darkest...

00:39:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:39:44.000 It's also the least intrusive and sometimes it goes bad because it's LA and there's a lot of people in LA that want a lot of fucking attention. 0.99

00:39:52.000 There's a lot of people in LA that don't make good audience members because they want a lot of attention and there's no crowd control at the comedy store. 0.84

00:39:59.000 Okay.

00:40:00.000 It's all comics work in there.

00:40:01.000 Yeah.

00:40:01.000 So, you know, I mean, that's how Mitzi wanted it.

00:40:03.000 She wanted the lunatics to run the asylum. 1.00

00:40:05.000 Exactly. 0.99

00:40:05.000 She thought that would create the most comedy, which it probably did, but, you know, you're dealing with so many dickwads there. 0.99

00:40:12.000 If you put that club in other cities, like, if that club was in New York, you know, same look, same feel to it, you'd probably get better audiences.

00:40:21.000 There's definitely a difference in the audience out here, and I'm not...

00:40:25.000 I'm not saying it's wrong or anything, but there's a lot more watchers here than actual, like, you know, you feel like they're, like, you know, like, you don't know if they're having a good time because they're just kind of sitting and watching.

00:40:37.000 Whereas in New York, there's a little bit more interaction.

00:40:39.000 There's a little bit more give and take.

00:40:41.000 But I would say on a whole, I'm sure your audience is live when you go on the road or, like, you play, like, the Ice House or something like that.

00:40:48.000 They're pumped.

00:40:49.000 I don't feel that nowadays.

00:40:50.000 I feel like they're like, okay, let's give this a whirl.

00:40:54.000 Let's give it a try.

00:40:56.000 I hope it's worth my time because there's a lot of great clips I want to watch on my feed.

00:41:04.000 I don't know.

00:41:05.000 I'm so old.

00:41:06.000 Are those right terms?

00:41:08.000 I think that audiences are better now than they have been in years because of the internet.

00:41:13.000 I think people are more comedy fans than they've ever been before.

00:41:17.000 I hope you're right.

00:41:18.000 I feel like, especially that cool audience that really likes the hard, dirty, I feel like they're an endangered species.

00:41:28.000 I feel like, where are these people?

00:41:29.000 What happened?

00:41:30.000 The Les Mohegans, where are they? 0.97

00:41:31.000 We have preserves.

00:41:32.000 We have game preserves.

00:41:33.000 We keep them.

00:41:34.000 We have to.

00:41:34.000 We bring them out for desk broad shows.

00:41:36.000 Well, that's good that you connect with them like that.

00:41:38.000 And I know your fans like it that way.

00:41:40.000 But I'm saying like, you know, especially when I did the Comedy Underground, you know, I was like, you know, this is like the last roundup of the Rough Dirty.

00:41:48.000 You know, I really felt that way.

00:41:49.000 Well, it's not that the audience isn't there, man.

00:41:52.000 It's just the amount of connection that you have to the audience.

00:41:55.000 Like, I've got a good connection with Twitter and a good connection with Facebook and social media and podcasting.

00:42:01.000 Right.

00:42:02.000 I'm always, like, so they know where to find me.

00:42:04.000 Right.

00:42:04.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:42:05.000 Whereas, like, there's a lot of those comedy, dirty comedy fans, they just might not hear you're in town.

00:42:10.000 They might not hear you're coming.

00:42:12.000 Maybe.

00:42:12.000 They might not know.

00:42:13.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:42:13.000 It's people that work in offices, people that have jobs and mortgages and kids, and they're fucking busy. 0.98

00:42:17.000 They don't have time to, and then they're like, oh, David Tell was in town? 0.99

00:42:20.000 Ah, fuck, we missed him. 0.99

00:42:22.000 And that happens all the time. 1.00

00:42:23.000 It's gonna happen.

00:42:24.000 You know what's funny?

00:42:25.000 Like you said, all those different things, which are all like now, they're not choices.

00:42:28.000 You have to do all those things.

00:42:29.000 Then I was like in my head flashing back to like Howie Mandel.

00:42:32.000 You remember when he was doing those hour specials?

00:42:34.000 It was like he put on that big fake hand.

00:42:35.000 It's like, I'm there.

00:42:36.000 I'm there.

00:42:37.000 Get the car ready.

00:42:39.000 We're going.

00:42:40.000 This guy's wearing a crazy hand.

00:42:41.000 He blew up a balloon with his nose!

00:42:43.000 Yeah, look at that.

00:42:44.000 What is that?

00:42:45.000 Yeah, he would do it with his nose, right?

00:42:47.000 He would put it over his whole head and blow it up with his nose.

00:42:49.000 When I was young, you know that in your 20s when you got some money, but you got no money? 0.99

00:42:56.000 But you got money for something dumb? 0.98

00:42:58.000 Right. 0.98

00:42:59.000 So I was like, Uncle Floyd is in town.

00:43:02.000 Oh, dude, I gotta see this guy.

00:43:04.000 It's like, pay my student loan?

00:43:06.000 That can wait.

00:43:07.000 I have to see this guy who is some kind of weird...

00:43:11.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?

00:43:12.000 Yes, dude.

00:43:12.000 I bombed going on after Uncle Floyd.

00:43:14.000 Oh, wow.

00:43:15.000 What a cool story to actually go on after him.

00:43:17.000 Yeah, I had no idea who he was, and I was in New Jersey.

00:43:22.000 Apparently, he's a legend in New Jersey.

00:43:25.000 In parts of New Jersey.

00:43:27.000 And I thought I was going to kill.

00:43:30.000 I was like, oh, this is going to be great. 0.77

00:43:32.000 I'm going to go on after this old dude.

00:43:33.000 Uh-huh.

00:43:35.000 Oh, my God.

00:43:35.000 They loved him.

00:43:36.000 They loved him.

00:43:37.000 They were screaming out all these phrases and sayings that I didn't understand, I'd never heard of.

00:43:44.000 He's definitely like a local, almost like you know how there was a million bozos? 1.00

00:43:48.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:43:49.000 Like clowns that were on your TV. He's that guy. 0.97

00:43:52.000 He was like our...

00:43:53.000 You know, our kids' show before, you know, I guess, Nickelodeon, you know?

00:43:57.000 But it was an adult kids' show.

00:43:59.000 But what was he on?

00:44:00.000 Was he on Cable Access?

00:44:01.000 No!

00:44:01.000 He was on, like, Channel 9. It was, like, local whatever that was.

00:44:06.000 I think he was, like, right before cable.

00:44:07.000 It was, like, right before cable.

00:44:09.000 Yeah, there aren't any real local shows anymore, are there?

00:44:11.000 They're just, like, local news shows.

00:44:13.000 Nothing.

00:44:15.000 Do you remember when Stern had that local show in New York?

00:44:20.000 Oh, that was great.

00:44:21.000 He was on a late night channel or something like that?

00:44:24.000 That was his variety show.

00:44:25.000 I don't know all the particulates on that because I just remember it fleetingly, but that was great.

00:44:30.000 You'd always tune in and there was some, I guess you could say a carnival freak about to do something.

00:44:36.000 He brought all that into the show.

00:44:37.000 It was great.

00:44:38.000 And it was just some...

00:44:39.000 I don't know what channel it was, but it wasn't like NBC or CBS. No, it was like local Channel 9 or Channel 3 or something like that in New York.

00:44:49.000 WPIX, maybe.

00:44:50.000 Yeah, I mean, it was probably like a cable channel, right?

00:44:52.000 Was it a cable show?

00:44:53.000 No.

00:44:53.000 That might have been Cable.

00:44:54.000 That might have been Cable.

00:44:55.000 How about Bill Boggs?

00:44:56.000 Do you remember him?

00:44:57.000 Bill Boggs, the baseball player?

00:44:59.000 No, Bill Boggs was a local, another guy in New York.

00:45:02.000 This is all East Coast.

00:45:02.000 I apologize, guys.

00:45:03.000 But he was another guy who was like, he was somewhere between like Regis and Maury Povich.

00:45:07.000 He was like this kind of nice guy.

00:45:09.000 But then he did like a comedy variety show.

00:45:10.000 And that was, I think, the first show that I met.

00:45:13.000 I met Daniel Gould there.

00:45:15.000 What's his name?

00:45:16.000 There was like a couple of great comics that were like hanging out there and like, Dana Gould, who was like a boy comic, you know that, right?

00:45:22.000 Like 17 or something like that.

00:45:23.000 Was he really?

00:45:23.000 Yeah, he was on that show and I was like, wow, man, this guy knows what he's doing.

00:45:27.000 I met Dana way, way, way back in the day in Boston.

00:45:31.000 And then that was before he stopped doing comedy.

00:45:34.000 Like he was just about to do his Showtime special.

00:45:37.000 He had a Showtime special, I believe, and he was just about to do it.

00:45:40.000 It was great.

00:45:41.000 This was years and years ago.

00:45:42.000 Oh yeah, years and years ago.

00:45:43.000 And then he just stopped doing comedy and he was writing, I think, for The Simpsons, right?

00:45:46.000 He was writing for The Simpsons for, I think, over 10 years.

00:45:49.000 And I saw him at that Comedy Meltdown show and I was like, whoa, dude, where have you been?

00:45:53.000 Because I always loved his act.

00:45:55.000 Yeah, it's weird when a guy comes back, right?

00:45:57.000 Well, you know, you guys are all married with families and stuff like that.

00:46:00.000 You know, I'm amazed to ever see you guys, like, out on a Tuesday night, you know?

00:46:03.000 I'm like, whoa, look who it is, you know?

00:46:05.000 I come out and...

00:46:06.000 Yeah, no, you like to do your time.

00:46:08.000 I gotta do time.

00:46:09.000 If you don't...

00:46:09.000 I feel like if you don't do sets, like, regular weekends or weekday sets, you have to do them, man.

00:46:15.000 You have to, like, pop in with the improv.

00:46:17.000 You have to...

00:46:18.000 You know, do spots at the Ice House.

00:46:19.000 We do the Ice House all the time.

00:46:21.000 That is such a cool hang, man, that place.

00:46:23.000 Oh, it's the best.

00:46:23.000 That's excellent, yeah.

00:46:25.000 The Ice House is the best.

00:46:26.000 The vibe of the place is fantastic.

00:46:29.000 And the fact that we've done, how many podcasts have we done from there? 1.00

00:46:32.000 Shit. 1.00

00:46:32.000 Tons. 1.00

00:46:32.000 We're almost at 100, and we've got Thunder Pussy now, awesome. 1.00

00:46:35.000 Yeah, and the Thunder Pussy shows we do there? 0.97

00:46:37.000 Yeah, what is that, exactly?

00:46:38.000 You've got to do that.

00:46:38.000 What is that?

00:46:39.000 Oh, my God.

00:46:40.000 You ever do a question and answer with your crowd?

00:46:42.000 Yeah.

00:46:43.000 I saw Seinfeld do it once.

00:46:45.000 I stole the idea from him.

00:46:48.000 I saw Seinfeld when I was an open-miker.

00:46:51.000 I was just about to do comedy.

00:46:53.000 I think I was a week before or a week after, whatever it was, and I saw him with this chick that I used to bang from high school.

00:47:00.000 It was crazy.

00:47:00.000 We're back together again at 21. You ever do those?

00:47:04.000 Chick, you're banging when you're 17. All of a sudden, boom, both of you are 21, like adults driving around. 0.99

00:47:09.000 Are you going to give it to her?

00:47:10.000 Anyway, so we're going to see Seinfeld.

00:47:12.000 It's an exciting night.

00:47:13.000 And so he comes out, he does the set, kills, gets this big round of applause, leaves, and then comes back out for a question and answer.

00:47:21.000 And the question and answer, people would ask things, and he would just start riffing or telling jokes about that subject.

00:47:29.000 Yeah, I love that.

00:47:30.000 I kind of do that, I guess.

00:47:31.000 Yeah, a lot of comics.

00:47:32.000 I think we all do that, yeah.

00:47:33.000 I've done it, I used to do it a lot after shows.

00:47:37.000 But this is, the whole show is that.

00:47:40.000 From the beginning to the end.

00:47:42.000 Oh, wow.

00:47:42.000 No material.

00:47:43.000 Wow. 1.00

00:47:43.000 What it is, is they yell out, you know, talk about the fucking Clippers owner. 1.00

00:47:48.000 Yeah, okay, that's cool. 1.00

00:47:49.000 And you're like, alright, this fucking guy. 1.00

00:47:50.000 And then, you know... 1.00

00:47:52.000 You'd be amazed at how much comedy gets improvised out of that that you could actually use.

00:47:58.000 Dude, I've got two really good bits from that.

00:48:00.000 We've got to set that up for maybe...

00:48:02.000 We have one this Friday. 0.99

00:48:03.000 Damn it! 0.99

00:48:03.000 I'm in Santa Barbara! 0.99

00:48:05.000 Motherfucker, let's do it Saturday. 1.00

00:48:06.000 That's great that you do that. 0.99

00:48:08.000 Can you move it to Saturday?

00:48:09.000 I can see.

00:48:10.000 Yeah, move Friday to Saturday and I'm in. 0.98

00:48:12.000 Fucking Rogan's pre-Bitana. 0.98

00:48:13.000 Move the show just for you. 0.99

00:48:15.000 I'm pre-tweeting you guys.

00:48:18.000 You know, it's cool that you brought up Seinfeld.

00:48:20.000 Have you done his show?

00:48:21.000 No, the Cars and Coffee?

00:48:23.000 I call it Millionaires Wearing Seatbelts. 0.92

00:48:26.000 I'm not putting anyone down, but I like how in the beginning they all have to look like, okay, now we're getting our own coffee?

00:48:32.000 Is that what this is?

00:48:33.000 Yeah!

00:48:34.000 Pretend you're not in a helicopter right now.

00:48:36.000 He had a million dollar Porsche he was driving around from 1973. How cool is that?

00:48:41.000 It's a 1973 Carrera RS. You're not a car guy like that, are you?

00:48:46.000 I don't have it like that.

00:48:47.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

00:48:48.000 I have a couple of cars.

00:48:50.000 That's cool to have a couple of cars, but I mean, you're not like a classic car dude, right? 0.99

00:48:54.000 No, I don't like old shit. 0.99

00:48:56.000 I like the new shit with technology. 1.00

00:49:00.000 Like, I have a Porsche, and it has, like, the Porsche's technology is really old. 0.99

00:49:06.000 This car's a 2007. It's a, you know, 70-year-old car anyway.

00:49:09.000 But their navigation systems, they're dog shit. 0.99

00:49:12.000 They don't have updates where they get, like, traffic. 1.00

00:49:15.000 You need all that.

00:49:16.000 I mean, it's out there.

00:49:17.000 Why wouldn't you have it?

00:49:18.000 Like...

00:49:19.000 I have a friend who has one of the brand new Porsches, and it doesn't have traffic updates.

00:49:23.000 I go, what is this? 0.99

00:49:24.000 I go, this is some 2006 shit. 0.99

00:49:26.000 Like, why do you have... 0.97

00:49:27.000 You know, I had like a traffic warning like four years ago, or like three or four years ago on one of my cars. 0.96

00:49:33.000 So I always put like new shit in there. 0.94

00:49:35.000 I think that's, you know... 0.99

00:49:37.000 That to me is like when people go like, what's the road like?

00:49:39.000 I'm like, have you ever smelled a road comics car?

00:49:42.000 That, there is no, it's somewhere between submarine and like, I mean, it smells like 15 different types of Taco Bell from like different states.

00:49:50.000 Jimmy John's mixing with Delta, you know, it's like the Charlie wipes would give up on that. 0.99

00:49:55.000 There would be nothing, like the guy shat in there, he fucked in there, you know, he cried in there, you know. 0.99

00:50:01.000 Did you ever see Ralphie Mae's car? 0.99

00:50:02.000 No, I've never seen it.

00:50:04.000 It's ruthless.

00:50:05.000 There's something about the road car smell.

00:50:08.000 It's impossible.

00:50:09.000 Is that Stern?

00:50:10.000 Yeah, Howard Stern's on the latest episode.

00:50:13.000 This is what I don't like, is that these cars are all classic.

00:50:17.000 I mean, for him, it must be really fun, because he's an aficionado.

00:50:20.000 But I guess I'm not that kind of an aficionado.

00:50:23.000 I don't like old cars.

00:50:24.000 That is a cool car. 1.00

00:50:25.000 He's dope as fuck. 0.99

00:50:26.000 That's a GTO. He's a Porsche guy. 1.00

00:50:28.000 I know that he collects Porsches, and I think a lot of these cars that he used on the show, he actually just rents for the show because he's had a couple breakdown before, and he's just like, oh, they're going to send us another one.

00:50:38.000 So I think maybe he just gets these cars for just the show.

00:50:42.000 Yeah, maybe you're right.

00:50:43.000 Well, I know he had Letterman's.

00:50:44.000 Letterman has a souped-up Volvo.

00:50:46.000 They did a show. 0.99

00:50:47.000 He has a Volvo with, like, a fucking 450-horsepower engine in it and a six-speed transmission. 0.99

00:50:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:50:55.000 No, it's great.

00:50:56.000 I'm going to do a show. 1.00

00:50:57.000 He took a lot of shit, man. 1.00

00:50:58.000 He took a lot of shit for only having white people on a show. 1.00

00:51:00.000 Then he had Chris Rock on. 1.00

00:51:02.000 Yeah.

00:51:03.000 Only white men. 0.69

00:51:04.000 Will you sing a douche? 0.97

00:51:05.000 I'm going to do a comics walking to Pink Dot after the...

00:51:10.000 So how did it go over there?

00:51:11.000 I didn't get on.

00:51:12.000 Alright, let's get a Snickers bar.

00:51:14.000 The walk to Pink Dot up Sunset.

00:51:16.000 That is my favorite walk, by the way.

00:51:17.000 It's great.

00:51:17.000 It's Saturday night at 2 o'clock in the morning.

00:51:19.000 Or Norm's with Don Bears.

00:51:20.000 That place crackles, dude.

00:51:22.000 Pink Dot?

00:51:23.000 That whole strip from that little trolley cart place that sells cheeseburgers.

00:51:28.000 What's that place?

00:51:28.000 Carnie's.

00:51:29.000 Carnie's.

00:51:30.000 From Carnie's on up.

00:51:31.000 That place crackles.

00:51:32.000 It's got a feeling.

00:51:33.000 It's like there's a vortex that's been created there.

00:51:37.000 Because I don't live here.

00:51:38.000 I'll be walking after the show.

00:51:40.000 I'll just be walking around because I'm New York time.

00:51:42.000 I want it later and all that.

00:51:45.000 In New York, if you're up late and somebody comes up to you, they usually want money or they're up to no good.

00:51:51.000 It might be a psychotic or something.

00:51:53.000 But if you're within, I'd say, a half a mile of the comedy store on a Monday night, you're going to walk into a comic.

00:51:59.000 So that guy would come up and be like, I'm a huge fan.

00:52:01.000 I'm like, what?

00:52:02.000 He's wearing a hoodie.

00:52:04.000 I didn't even see him.

00:52:06.000 How many guys do you get hitting you up to ask to open for you on the road?

00:52:11.000 I get a lot of guys that I worked with, but I really have a small pool of dudes that I want to throw work through.

00:52:20.000 This weekend in Bray, it was Tony, as we talked about, and Sean Rouse, who I think...

00:52:24.000 Have you ever had Sean on here, Sean Rouse?

00:52:26.000 No, I haven't had him on.

00:52:26.000 You really should have him on here.

00:52:28.000 Absolutely, I do it.

00:52:29.000 He is an amazing dude.

00:52:31.000 He has rheumatoid arthritis, so he can't really travel that much.

00:52:34.000 But his act, and you'll back me up on this.

00:52:36.000 He's an amazing joke writer, and he also is hardcore. 0.99

00:52:41.000 He does not give a shit. 0.97

00:52:43.000 East Coast, I have other guys that do that, but now they're all headliners, so I feel like I've done my job with them. 0.99

00:52:48.000 But I like to use local guys too because I feel like, you know, a lot of guys roll into town, they bring their own support, and then these local guys are like, I never get on my own stage.

00:52:55.000 You know, it's my home club.

00:52:56.000 So I try and use the local guys to middle or at least do guest spots.

00:52:59.000 That's very cool of you.

00:53:00.000 I gave up on that.

00:53:01.000 You did?

00:53:01.000 Well, you must be hit on like, you know, a thousand dudes.

00:53:04.000 Well, it's not just that.

00:53:05.000 I just had too many bad experiences with local dudes that I didn't know.

00:53:08.000 Like what was wrong?

00:53:10.000 Shitty material that I couldn't believe I had to listen to or just douchey guys.

00:53:17.000 Like remember when we did that Maxim tour with Charlie Murphy? 0.95

00:53:20.000 Remember that one guy that we ran into in Boston that was so fucking creepy? 0.99

00:53:25.000 He was like hanging around the green room and he was hammered and he was like staring at us sideways and he was like creepy, jealous, acting like a dick. 0.98

00:53:32.000 And we're sharing a green, me and Charlie Murphy and John Heffron, two great guys. 0.99

00:53:35.000 We're sharing this green room with this idiot, and then they just kicked him out. 1.00

00:53:38.000 He was fucking plastered. 1.00

00:53:41.000 And he was the opener? 0.99

00:53:44.000 In every town, we would take a local guy.

00:53:47.000 That's how I met Segura.

00:53:48.000 Segura was doing Phoenix.

00:53:50.000 He wasn't local, but for whatever reason, they chose him, and maybe he was in the area or something like that. 0.97

00:53:55.000 And I was like, holy shit, is this guy funny. 0.58

00:53:57.000 So then I started taking him on the road, too.

00:53:59.000 Yeah, they had local comedy competitions, and so I think Tom just applied for that comedy competition, won it, and then got...

00:54:05.000 He murdered it.

00:54:07.000 He was the number one guy, like, of all the people that were local guys that opened up for us.

00:54:11.000 McDermott also.

00:54:11.000 Oh, that's right.

00:54:12.000 But McDermott we met in Phoenix.

00:54:15.000 He did an open mic night.

00:54:17.000 That's where we met McDermott.

00:54:18.000 Or a contest.

00:54:19.000 Yeah, that's the contest.

00:54:20.000 It was a different contest.

00:54:21.000 Wasn't it?

00:54:22.000 I thought it was Men of Comedy.

00:54:24.000 I don't think it was because it was at the Improv and the show was at the Phoenix Theatre.

00:54:30.000 You're right.

00:54:31.000 It was just a regular show.

00:54:31.000 Yeah, the Celebrity Theatre was the one that's in the round.

00:54:33.000 It was just a regular show.

00:54:35.000 But it was some sort of a contest and Josh McDermott killed it. 0.99

00:54:37.000 And we were like, holy shit, this guy's funny. 0.98

00:54:39.000 And then that was one of those weekends that Joey vanished on us. 0.98

00:54:42.000 Yeah.

00:54:42.000 Because there was a series of weekends over the years where Diaz would just vanish.

00:54:48.000 And then, you know, sometimes you'd go, where the fuck did you go? 0.99

00:54:51.000 I told you, dog, I couldn't do that gig. 1.00

00:54:52.000 I told you.

00:54:53.000 I never left Vegas.

00:54:54.000 I told you.

00:54:54.000 And that's the classic story.

00:54:56.000 So I used to bring two guys on the road with me then.

00:54:58.000 So one guy could cover the spread.

00:55:00.000 If Joey would vanish.

00:55:01.000 Oh, there you go.

00:55:02.000 You got your backup.

00:55:03.000 Because I didn't want to stop using Joey.

00:55:04.000 It's like the president, he's got those two helicopters, you know, just in case.

00:55:08.000 The just in case guy.

00:55:09.000 Well, I'm like you.

00:55:10.000 It's like, I feel like I have an obligation to support these kind of guys.

00:55:13.000 Yeah, no, you're very good to you, dudes.

00:55:15.000 And I would say that, like, when I see a guy on the road, like, I let the club pick the opener a lot of the time.

00:55:20.000 I go, like, whoever the guy is that you want to do.

00:55:22.000 Because I always feel that, like...

00:55:25.000 Even if the guy is rough, at least he'll get to perform in front of a real crowd, which is sometimes difficult to get that going.

00:55:32.000 And usually a lot of the cleaner acts, the straight-ahead acts, don't want a dirty opener.

00:55:38.000 That is true.

00:55:40.000 Well, that's a real issue.

00:55:41.000 That was an issue for Shafir for a long time.

00:55:43.000 Guys didn't want to middle him.

00:55:45.000 Oh yeah, exactly.

00:55:46.000 Diaz guys don't want Diaz middling.

00:55:48.000 Diaz middled for a couple people at the Miami Improv.

00:55:51.000 It's just the most horrific thing you could ever win.

00:55:54.000 Can't follow him there.

00:55:55.000 That's his thing.

00:55:56.000 Well, he would do half his act in Spanish. 0.99

00:55:58.000 And they would go fucking crazy. 0.99

00:55:59.000 And he's Cuban. 0.99

00:56:01.000 So he's got a Cuban-Spanish accent.

00:56:03.000 So they know he's one of them.

00:56:06.000 I've never seen anybody murder 200 people the way Joey Diaz murdered 200 people in front of...

00:56:12.000 What is his name that sings?

00:56:14.000 I don't care.

00:56:15.000 I don't care.

00:56:16.000 Kevin Meaney?

00:56:17.000 Yeah.

00:56:18.000 That's like one of those, like, who made the lineup here? 0.98

00:56:21.000 Some asshole decided to have Joey Diaz in Miami open up for Kevin Meaney. 0.95

00:56:27.000 The worst thing is you do a casino show or something like that, and you're like, who can I get to open? 0.99

00:56:32.000 Because it's like a casino town.

00:56:35.000 Some guys will drive for it, of course, but then there's got to be some local guy, just a degenerate gambler guy that you're trying to call up.

00:56:43.000 Oh, I didn't know you lived in Reno, or something like that.

00:56:47.000 It's good that you do it, and I think that all the comics...

00:56:51.000 They know it's important that they tip the respect back up.

00:56:55.000 So this guy in the green room with Charlie, I don't know what that was about. 0.98

00:56:58.000 He was just a crazy...

00:56:59.000 He was older than us, too. 0.99

00:57:00.000 He probably was bitter.

00:57:01.000 Yeah, he was very bitter.

00:57:02.000 He probably was really bitter.

00:57:02.000 He wasn't very funny, either.

00:57:04.000 And he was just...

00:57:05.000 Whatever.

00:57:05.000 The guy was a...

00:57:06.000 Was it Boston?

00:57:07.000 I feel like it wasn't Boston now. 1.00

00:57:08.000 But wherever the fuck it was, the guy was a dick. 1.00

00:57:10.000 And it was like, that's the risk you take. 1.00

00:57:13.000 You know, we did 22 dates.

00:57:14.000 Everybody was nice and friendly.

00:57:16.000 Met a lot of cool comics. 0.99

00:57:17.000 And then we got one shithead. 0.99

00:57:18.000 But that one shithead just turned me off to it so much. 1.00

00:57:21.000 Because it was the worst kind of shithead. 1.00

00:57:23.000 You know, the jealous shithead. 1.00

00:57:24.000 The creepy, super drunk, jealous shithead. 1.00

00:57:27.000 Well, what are you going to do? 0.99

00:57:29.000 Yeah, it's also like, you feel like you get upset if you bring someone, you know, or you have someone local open and it doesn't work out, and you're like, I could have had Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:57:42.000 I could have brought Ari with me.

00:57:44.000 I could have brought Duncan with me.

00:57:45.000 It's like, there's only so much time.

00:57:48.000 I mean, at Brea, we had, like, probably four guest spots, plus Sean, plus Tony, and, like, it was a long show, but, you know, the crowd really was digging the fact that, like, there was, like, all these, like, fresh faces coming up, and they were like, wow, somebody else, you know, like, and, you know, it's the door guys and all that kind of stuff,

00:58:03.000 and, like, when I worked the door at the improv back in the 80s, whatever, that was, like, our big moment when somebody would go, like, hey, you can go on stage, you know, like, you got five minutes, clear these people out, whatever it is, and I was like, you know.

00:58:15.000 It's cool that some clubs are into that.

00:58:16.000 Some clubs are not.

00:58:17.000 They're more like, you know what I'm saying, like Applebee style.

00:58:20.000 Like, oh, we've got to get them out of here.

00:58:21.000 Right, right, right.

00:58:23.000 Applebee style.

00:58:24.000 You know that kind of club where you're looking at the food coming out of the kitchen?

00:58:28.000 You're like, this is a food club that does comedy.

00:58:30.000 It's not a comedy club with food.

00:58:32.000 They definitely have those, man.

00:58:33.000 It's a weird thing when you're doing comedy and you're looking down and people are cutting into a steak.

00:58:37.000 Yes!

00:58:38.000 And they're looking up at you.

00:58:39.000 And I go, they're barely paying attention. 1.00

00:58:41.000 They're eating their fucking food. 1.00

00:58:42.000 They're barely paying attention. 1.00

00:58:44.000 It's just such a silly way to do comedy, but it's a good way to maximize money and time.

00:58:50.000 Absolutely.

00:58:51.000 Especially if you're people that want to go on a date and dinner.

00:58:53.000 They don't have time.

00:58:54.000 They're like, let's go to a comedy club.

00:58:56.000 We'll eat at the club.

00:58:56.000 They have good food.

00:58:57.000 I'm going to get a steak.

00:58:58.000 But that's funny, the steak, because it's like, was that in some guy's man fantasy? 1.00

00:59:03.000 I'm going to go eat a big flank steak, and here's some dirty material, and then I'm going to bang the shit out of my lady. 1.00

00:59:11.000 If we win the raffle for free tickets to see... 0.99

00:59:14.000 If you eat a steak, too, like, I mean, it's going to slow you down a little bit.

00:59:19.000 Exactly.

00:59:20.000 That's a full tum-tum.

00:59:21.000 Watching some comedy with a full tummy.

00:59:25.000 In Tucson, I had to do one of those rooms where half the crowd was standing.

00:59:28.000 I was so pissed that they had to do that.

00:59:29.000 I felt so bad for those people standing.

00:59:32.000 What do you think of standing shows?

00:59:34.000 I didn't know how bad it was until we went to see Stan Hope.

00:59:37.000 Where did we go see him?

00:59:38.000 Here in Los Angeles.

00:59:39.000 Yeah, what was the name of the club?

00:59:40.000 Lucky Club or Asian... 1.00

00:59:43.000 I don't remember the name of the place, but anyway, Stan Hope's on stage, and there's a very small amount of seats, and then there's a back area near the bar that we were all standing at.

00:59:51.000 It was me, and Brian, and who else came?

00:59:55.000 Bingo, and maybe...

00:59:57.000 Anyway, so Stan Hope, and I think Brendan Walsh opened for him. 0.99

01:00:03.000 Stan Hope, and so, you know, about an hour and a half, the whole show total, something like that, and by the time 20 minutes was going on, I was like, my fucking... 0.97

01:00:11.000 My back hurts. 0.98

01:00:12.000 My feet hurt. 1.00

01:00:13.000 This is stupid. 1.00

01:00:14.000 We're just standing here. 1.00

01:00:15.000 Like, we're not even moving.

01:00:17.000 So when you're just standing, you're not even moving, it's like a static exercise, you know?

01:00:22.000 Like, you don't realize it until, like, 20 minutes in.

01:00:24.000 You're like, ooh, this is uncomfortable. 1.00

01:00:26.000 Like, just standing in one spot, this fucking sucks. 0.99

01:00:29.000 I was trying not to lock my legs. 0.99

01:00:30.000 I didn't want to get fat.

01:00:31.000 Your knees started aching.

01:00:33.000 Walking out.

01:00:34.000 No, we watched it.

01:00:36.000 I've been trying to talk to Doug for like a couple weeks now.

01:00:38.000 I know he's on a super big club tour, I mean like a bar tour.

01:00:42.000 But there's a show on Historytown, you love history stuff, called The Evolution of Hitler or The Evolution of Nazis or something like that.

01:00:50.000 And it shows, like, Hitler, like, the early years. 0.62

01:00:52.000 Kind of like the, you know, the, whatchamacallit, saved by the bell, the early years.

01:00:56.000 And it shows him, like, young Hitler. 0.77

01:00:58.000 And he's, like, it's just him.

01:01:00.000 And I believe it's, uh, not Goebbels, but, uh, who's the big fat guy?

01:01:04.000 Uh, you know what I'm talking about?

01:01:05.000 The Luftwaffe guy.

01:01:07.000 Uh, whatever.

01:01:08.000 So it just shows him in these pubs talking his talk.

01:01:12.000 And there's people standing and they're drinking.

01:01:14.000 I'm like, that's a Doug Stanhope show.

01:01:16.000 That's a Doug Stanhope show right there.

01:01:18.000 They're into it and they're heckling him and he's yelling at him.

01:01:21.000 And I'm like, that is Doug Stanhope in Hitler times. 0.82

01:01:25.000 And then he worked his way up to Munich, which I guess was the biggest...

01:01:29.000 That was the biggest stage he could do.

01:01:31.000 He even had choreographed audiences.

01:01:34.000 They would do the boot thing.

01:01:35.000 He had a whole crowd of them.

01:01:37.000 I'm sure he said to Goebbels, how many seats are empty?

01:01:41.000 How many of those are comps?

01:01:45.000 Did they paper the room?

01:01:46.000 Is there paper out there?

01:01:48.000 Did they force these people?

01:01:49.000 Stan Hope's opener, Junior Stapka, do you know this guy? 0.99

01:01:53.000 Funny fucking kid, man. 0.53

01:01:55.000 He's on the underground, and it was cool because Comedy Central, we went back and forth with the list on who's on the show. 0.99

01:02:00.000 I said, you've got to get this Junior guy on, and everybody was super...

01:02:05.000 Super impressed with him, because he is so different.

01:02:07.000 He's Doug's opener.

01:02:08.000 It's very funny.

01:02:09.000 I met him in Chicago, and I was like, he blew me away.

01:02:11.000 He's great.

01:02:12.000 Yeah, he's good, man.

01:02:13.000 And he's, you know, really, like, you see him and Stanhope together.

01:02:17.000 They match very well.

01:02:19.000 Yes, they do.

01:02:20.000 They vibe well.

01:02:20.000 It's the perfect guy for that crowd.

01:02:22.000 He's a funny guy.

01:02:24.000 Doug does the same thing, you know?

01:02:25.000 I think it's really important.

01:02:26.000 But I think we all...

01:02:27.000 None of us...

01:02:29.000 Came up without assistance.

01:02:31.000 All of us in comedy, we got to see other people work, and we learned from them, and we talked to them, and they gave us advice on who to call.

01:02:40.000 We all got help from the other headliners.

01:02:42.000 We all did, as we were becoming professional.

01:02:46.000 But I never waited for help.

01:02:47.000 I mean, I really was so obsessed with doing material and like, you know, getting on.

01:02:53.000 I think that they kind of saw like, hey, this guy really wants to do it.

01:02:56.000 So, you know, they kind of, you know, you know what I'm saying?

01:02:58.000 Because I never would get in their face.

01:03:00.000 Like, I remember just like asking a guy like, you know.

01:03:03.000 I hate to ask you this, but, you know, like, do you know any, like, open mics?

01:03:07.000 And, like, you know, they were like, yeah, no, that's a good question.

01:03:10.000 And then, you know, they sent me the open mic, and then I didn't see that guy again for, like, five years, you know, because I was doing the open mics, you know?

01:03:18.000 He was, like, a big comic, you know?

01:03:20.000 Wow.

01:03:20.000 That's very cool when you run into someone like that.

01:03:23.000 Yeah, I mean, like, you know, whenever they come up to you and go, like, you know, I'm thinking of doing comedy, and then you go, like, you know, you should try it here and here.

01:03:29.000 They always have that look of, like, well, I thought that you were going to...

01:03:32.000 Get me on stage right now.

01:03:33.000 It's like, well, you know, this isn't Bagger Vance, you know?

01:03:36.000 Like, you gotta make an effort on your own, too, you know?

01:03:38.000 I talked to this kid once.

01:03:39.000 I hosted the open mic night once at the Comedy Store, and a kid went out for his first time, and he was funny.

01:03:46.000 And I remember saying to the audience, like, that kid has talent.

01:03:50.000 Like, if he really wanted to, like, if you really want to do it, man, you could really be a comic.

01:03:55.000 And he was like, thanks so much.

01:03:56.000 That means so much.

01:03:57.000 And the audience clapped, and everybody's really happy.

01:03:58.000 I was like, that's awesome.

01:03:59.000 It's so cool to see.

01:04:00.000 Like, we may one day see that guy.

01:04:02.000 Might be a professional comedian.

01:04:03.000 Then I ran into him in England, like years later, and he's on the road.

01:04:06.000 Oh, that's great.

01:04:07.000 Doing stand-up.

01:04:08.000 I wish I could remember his name.

01:04:10.000 Sorry, wasn't that funny?

01:04:11.000 Eddie Izzard.

01:04:11.000 Wasn't funny enough for me to remember his name.

01:04:13.000 No, he was.

01:04:14.000 I just have too many people.

01:04:15.000 I was kind of hoping for the other story.

01:04:16.000 Then I ran over to Pink Dot ten years later, and there he was.

01:04:19.000 He's making sandwiches.

01:04:20.000 He's got an angry look on his face.

01:04:22.000 He's like, you could have saved me.

01:04:23.000 At the kiosk.

01:04:24.000 You could have helped me.

01:04:24.000 No, but by you saying that, that made his, like, night, it made his week, it made his month.

01:04:28.000 I mean, that was cool that you, like, you know, and you weren't, like, you know, just, like, blowing smoke up his head.

01:04:33.000 You were, like, you really liked him.

01:04:34.000 Yeah, no, he was really funny.

01:04:35.000 You know, I've had it happen to me a bunch of times when I was an open-miker.

01:04:39.000 Someone gives you a bump.

01:04:40.000 It says something nice to you, and it just gives you this big...

01:04:43.000 Maren did it once.

01:04:44.000 For the longest time, Maren and I, like, I didn't go after him. 1.00

01:04:48.000 Like, he would say, like, stupid shit about me, and I, like, let it slide. 1.00

01:04:50.000 Because, you know, he's crazy. 1.00

01:04:52.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:04:52.000 He gets... 0.96

01:04:53.000 Eccentric, I believe, is the term.

01:04:55.000 I think he's awesome.

01:04:55.000 I love the guy.

01:04:57.000 Yes.

01:04:57.000 But, you know, he is what he is.

01:04:58.000 He's got his own thing.

01:04:59.000 And so for the longest time, we had this little negative thing back and forth until I actually wound up having a conversation with him and doing the podcast.

01:05:05.000 Now, I love the guy.

01:05:06.000 I really do.

01:05:06.000 I think he's awesome.

01:05:07.000 Yeah.

01:05:09.000 The reason why I wouldn't go after him is because when I was an open-miker, he pulled me aside one day after my set and just said, hey, you're doing the right thing.

01:05:18.000 This is great.

01:05:18.000 It's really cool to see.

01:05:20.000 Just keep doing your thing, man.

01:05:22.000 Don't let anybody tell you any differently.

01:05:23.000 You got something cool here.

01:05:24.000 And I was like, wow, that's awesome.

01:05:27.000 You know, so for me, that was like...

01:05:28.000 That's great, yeah.

01:05:29.000 I laughed and I was like, whoa, I could do this, you know? 0.99

01:05:31.000 Like, I could be a fucking comedian. 0.99

01:05:33.000 A real comedian just told me I could be a comedian. 1.00

01:05:35.000 Wow.

01:05:36.000 So, Mark, was this in LA or was this in Boston?

01:05:39.000 No, no, no, no.

01:05:39.000 This was Boston.

01:05:40.000 This was 1988. Mark had come back from the Comedy Store when he was on our podcast.

01:05:46.000 He told some of the craziest fucking Kinison stories on the podcast about the Comedy Store and the Coke days. 0.93

01:05:54.000 He had left that and come back to Boston. 0.98

01:05:56.000 So he was there for like the heyday of Kinison's cocaine binge.

01:06:01.000 It was like the 86, like in that era. 0.62

01:06:04.000 And then came back into Boston, so I met him then.

01:06:07.000 And so he was an established comedian in Boston.

01:06:10.000 He was like, you know, he'd work at the Comedy Connection or Knicks or any of these clubs.

01:06:14.000 And I was just starting out.

01:06:16.000 Well, I started in New York, and then I met...

01:06:19.000 Mark and Tom Rhodes were the two guys that I always found them incredibly mysterious because they had already lived in other cities for a few years.

01:06:28.000 I didn't even know that was possible in comedy because I was stuck in this open mic world.

01:06:32.000 I was like, really?

01:06:34.000 He's like, yeah, no, I was in San Francisco, man.

01:06:36.000 You should check out that town.

01:06:37.000 It's great.

01:06:38.000 And I'm like, what did you do?

01:06:39.000 He's like, no, man, you just hang out.

01:06:41.000 You stay on a friend's couch and you do all these great sets and all that kind of stuff.

01:06:44.000 So I didn't even know that that was possible.

01:06:45.000 I thought, I'm in New York.

01:06:47.000 I don't want to lose my chance of maybe getting a spot next week.

01:06:51.000 It was one of those things where the spots controlled your life.

01:06:54.000 It's like, well, I know that's a holiday and all the real comics will be with their family.

01:06:59.000 So it's going to be great for me.

01:07:01.000 I'm going to get on twice.

01:07:02.000 Yeah.

01:07:03.000 Remember that?

01:07:03.000 It was like Thanksgiving.

01:07:04.000 Everybody's with their families.

01:07:05.000 Are you available?

01:07:06.000 Yes!

01:07:07.000 We had a guy who came from Minneapolis to Boston and just immediately was accepted.

01:07:13.000 This guy was a comic in Minneapolis.

01:07:15.000 Oh, wow.

01:07:16.000 Well, that was Hedberg.

01:07:18.000 He worked over there.

01:07:18.000 Yeah, Hedberg was a Minneapolis comic.

01:07:20.000 Was he from Acme?

01:07:21.000 Was that Acme?

01:07:22.000 Uh, I, I, I assume he was from Acme and then he went to Florida.

01:07:26.000 So he was like two comics.

01:07:28.000 He was a Florida comic and he was a whatever.

01:07:30.000 Wow.

01:07:30.000 And he, uh, came up to New York.

01:07:33.000 I think he came up to New York before we went to LA, right?

01:07:35.000 Um, I don't know.

01:07:37.000 I didn't meet him until LA. Okay, yeah.

01:07:38.000 I met him in LA. So, like, in New York, I know he was there for a couple years and, uh, Then he bopped out to LA. And then I think it was just bi-coastal.

01:07:46.000 I mean, they were on the road pretty much.

01:07:48.000 I didn't get to know that guy.

01:07:49.000 Really?

01:07:50.000 No.

01:07:50.000 Oh, for some reason I thought you guys had known.

01:07:53.000 No, I mean, we were both good friends with Stan Hope.

01:07:55.000 And I mean, he was real friendly.

01:07:58.000 I met him one night at the comedy store.

01:08:00.000 We went back-to-back at the comedy store.

01:08:03.000 Wow, I would have loved to have seen him there.

01:08:04.000 That would have been a cool show.

01:08:06.000 It was a cool show because there was only like 50 people in the crowd and they were like speckled, you know, scattered out.

01:08:12.000 Those are some of the best shows.

01:08:14.000 The 50 people comedy store shows in the OR. You know what's cool about the comedy store?

01:08:19.000 When the crowd is there really to laugh and not just because they made a mistake and they went in there because they thought it was like the parking garage for the Hyatt.

01:08:27.000 Don't you ever feel like there's people sitting there going like, wait a minute, this isn't the Hyatt.

01:08:31.000 You know?

01:08:32.000 I can't believe what happened here.

01:08:35.000 Where's my room?

01:08:36.000 Yeah, like...

01:08:37.000 There's the elevator?

01:08:38.000 But when they're there to really, like, just hang out and, like, let the experience wash over, they are the coolest crowd in the town.

01:08:43.000 You know, they really are.

01:08:43.000 Well, it's a great room, and the room has energy.

01:08:46.000 There's an energy in that room where it's... 0.96

01:08:49.000 You're talking about so many fucking decades of laughter permeated the walls. 0.99

01:08:53.000 The problem is there's just too many douchebags that pass through. 1.00

01:08:56.000 That whole area on the strip is just... 1.00

01:08:58.000 Filled with fuckheads, you know? 1.00

01:09:01.000 Just like people walking around, like House of Blues people? 0.99

01:09:04.000 Yeah, there's that, and then there's also like, just like LA actors, you know, like people who are like, just like I was saying earlier, they're like a little needy.

01:09:12.000 They need attention, they don't make the best audience members.

01:09:14.000 I've seen more heckling at the store than anywhere on the planet, right?

01:09:17.000 Yeah, I agree with that.

01:09:18.000 You got to think about one club where there's been more heckling?

01:09:21.000 There's nothing you see.

01:09:23.000 Maybe something in Florida, maybe.

01:09:25.000 I don't know, maybe that place in Miami that doesn't exist anymore.

01:09:27.000 It's gone.

01:09:28.000 You got to close it down.

01:09:29.000 What about, like, at, uh, you ever play Hermosa Beat?

01:09:32.000 Of course you do.

01:09:32.000 Yeah, Comedy Magic Club.

01:09:33.000 I love that place. 0.97

01:09:34.000 Yeah, like, I think if you heckle there, because they are so pro-comic, they'll pull you out and street shoot you in the back of the head. 0.98

01:09:39.000 Yeah, they eat you. 0.94

01:09:40.000 They serve you.

01:09:41.000 Mike will not accept anything.

01:09:43.000 Zero tolerance! 1.00

01:09:45.000 Yeah, he doesn't want any assholes there. 0.99

01:09:46.000 He won't serve shots either. 1.00

01:09:48.000 He won't let you get fucked up. 0.99

01:09:49.000 Yeah, none of that. 0.99

01:09:50.000 Because it's like a museum that does comedy.

01:09:52.000 It really is a museum of comedy.

01:09:54.000 He's... 1.00

01:09:54.000 What a fucking great guy. 1.00

01:09:56.000 He is. 0.99

01:09:56.000 He's the best. 0.99

01:09:57.000 Those guys that have been there for that long, and that club's been around since the 70s, right?

01:10:03.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:10:04.000 And all the guys that, like, the legends that play there, like Shandling and Leno and stuff like that, I guess, I assume they had played there when they were younger, and they just, like, came up through this, like, amazing system of, like, you know, they were already kind of famous, or they were, like, the best comics in town or something like that, and they would do their new material there, and it's a great place for it,

01:10:19.000 too.

01:10:19.000 Well, Leno's always done that Sunday night gig.

01:10:22.000 He does it less now, like a lot of the Sundays other guys do, and I've done a couple of them, because he's doing the road now.

01:10:28.000 Leno's, he's out there slinging it.

01:10:29.000 I wonder how much tickets are because I really would like to see where he is.

01:10:33.000 A lot.

01:10:33.000 Like how much?

01:10:34.000 Like Seinfeld.

01:10:35.000 A hundred?

01:10:36.000 Wow. 0.99

01:10:36.000 For like, just like a shitty seat. 0.99

01:10:38.000 I don't know. 0.97

01:10:38.000 A hundred. 0.97

01:10:39.000 But a hundred dollars.

01:10:40.000 That's a lot.

01:10:41.000 That's a lot.

01:10:42.000 That is a lot.

01:10:43.000 I always do that math in my head.

01:10:45.000 I'm like, you know, I was a young guy and like 30 bucks plus, you know, of course you're going to get drunk.

01:10:50.000 I shouldn't say that actually now that I'm thinking about it because someone told me that.

01:10:53.000 So let's find out.

01:10:54.000 I bet you his tickets are, I would, let's take bets on it.

01:10:57.000 I would say you can get a 75, but you're really looking at 125, 250 right up front.

01:11:03.000 VIP. Wow, okay.

01:11:05.000 I would say that.

01:11:06.000 I'm going to stick with my guns and say $100.

01:11:09.000 I'll bet $20 on it right now.

01:11:12.000 Here we go.

01:11:13.000 Friday at the Silver Creek Event Center in Four Winds, New Buffalo.

01:11:19.000 All right, forget about it.

01:11:21.000 New Buffalo, Michigan.

01:11:22.000 The tickets are $98.50.

01:11:25.000 Ouch.

01:11:25.000 You're right.

01:11:26.000 There's 14 tickets left.

01:11:28.000 That's 20 to you.

01:11:29.000 I just want some money.

01:11:30.000 But there are other ones.

01:11:32.000 The tickets go as high as $120.

01:11:35.000 I see.

01:11:35.000 There you go.

01:11:36.000 One of them is tickets are from $216, $242, $249.

01:11:41.000 Wow.

01:11:42.000 See?

01:11:42.000 Yeah, some of his tickets are $249.

01:11:44.000 Yeah.

01:11:44.000 In New Buffalo, you can downtown diggle it.

01:11:47.000 That's right, we're trading for it.

01:11:48.000 Oh, he's at the Mirage in Vegas, the Terry Fedor Theater.

01:11:52.000 I do that same theater.

01:11:53.000 I think I charge $40.

01:11:55.000 Have you seen Terry Fedor?

01:11:57.000 I just can't imagine someone charging $248 for a ticket.

01:12:02.000 It says priced from.

01:12:03.000 Let's see what tickets are available. 1.00

01:12:05.000 I bet he's got some stupid ones in the front row that cost ass-fucked tons of money. 1.00

01:12:09.000 For Terry or for Jay? 1.00

01:12:10.000 For Jay.

01:12:11.000 Yeah.

01:12:13.000 Look at this shirt.

01:12:14.000 300. Okay, I'm going to give a filter from 250 to a million dollars.

01:12:19.000 Look at this shirt.

01:12:20.000 You guys both had the exact same shirt at the same comedy club almost.

01:12:23.000 Who, me?

01:12:23.000 Oh, look at that.

01:12:24.000 Look, Joe.

01:12:26.000 That's excellent.

01:12:27.000 Wow, let me see again.

01:12:29.000 We don't look like the same people at all, dude.

01:12:31.000 Look at you.

01:12:32.000 Who are you?

01:12:33.000 I was also a Bollywood actor at some point.

01:12:35.000 No, you know who you look like?

01:12:36.000 You look like Dom Herrera's son.

01:12:40.000 Wow, yeah.

01:12:41.000 Look at me really trying, too.

01:12:43.000 Come on, guys!

01:12:43.000 Come on!

01:12:44.000 Oh, you remind me of someone else, too.

01:12:47.000 I look like Dan Natterman's father.

01:12:49.000 I look like a coat hanger.

01:12:51.000 You do.

01:12:52.000 Look how my body looks completely out of proportion.

01:12:55.000 I didn't lift any weights at all back then.

01:12:57.000 I just had this goofy frame. 0.98

01:12:58.000 You look like you're a slaying dick, though, with that Tony Danza style. 0.99

01:13:01.000 Yeah, you look hot, dude. 1.00

01:13:02.000 I look sexy as fuck. 1.00

01:13:04.000 I look sexy as fuck. 1.00

01:13:05.000 Look how much hair I had. 0.99

01:13:06.000 Oh, glorious.

01:13:07.000 It's funny how our shirts...

01:13:09.000 It's funny how our shirts make that sign kind of relevant.

01:13:14.000 Look at that.

01:13:15.000 It's the 80s.

01:13:16.000 We're your wacky Magnum P.I. shit here, guys. 1.00

01:13:18.000 I guess this is the 90s, right? 0.99

01:13:19.000 I don't think this is the 90s.

01:13:20.000 It's got to be the 90s.

01:13:21.000 The 90s, yeah.

01:13:22.000 If it was the 80s, I would be like, uh, uh, uh. 1.00

01:13:25.000 Rascals was a great fucker. 0.99

01:13:26.000 Yeah, where is that? 1.00

01:13:27.000 Yeah, Rascals Comedy Hour.

01:13:28.000 In Jersey?

01:13:29.000 No.

01:13:30.000 Rascals Comedy Hour is what it is.

01:13:31.000 New York City.

01:13:33.000 I guess the highest the tickets go is $250.

01:13:36.000 That's the highest they go.

01:13:37.000 For $250 back at that club, you could buy pretty much everybody in the room a drink.

01:13:44.000 You could buy the comics.

01:13:45.000 You could keep us.

01:13:47.000 $250, you could have me for a couple days.

01:13:49.000 I know I'm not worth anything more than what I'm getting right now.

01:13:55.000 These guys are like, you know, let's push up.

01:13:57.000 I'm like, easy, easy!

01:13:59.000 Isn't that gross?

01:14:00.000 Yeah, I get that argument every six months.

01:14:02.000 We really should raise our prices.

01:14:05.000 Nope, I can't do it.

01:14:06.000 It's a lot of money.

01:14:08.000 It's always the venue that, well, if you want to make something, you've got to raise it.

01:14:13.000 I'm like, well, what happened?

01:14:14.000 What did you guys put in the pool?

01:14:15.000 I mean, really, what's going on here?

01:14:17.000 There's also a problem in that...

01:14:20.000 You know, the people that are asking to raise the rates, they're not connecting with the audience.

01:14:25.000 Yes!

01:14:25.000 They're just on the outside.

01:14:26.000 And they're like, yeah, you can get more out of that.

01:14:28.000 Ah, you can get more out of that.

01:14:30.000 And that's like their objective.

01:14:31.000 But your objective is to maintain a good relationship.

01:14:35.000 Yeah, and come back.

01:14:36.000 Come back to the club eventually.

01:14:37.000 Yeah, and you were one of the first guys that I talked to a long time ago.

01:14:41.000 We were talking about a gig that was getting offered to you, and you're like, I can't go back there.

01:14:44.000 I was just there six months ago. 0.99

01:14:46.000 I need to give him some new shit. 0.99

01:14:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:14:47.000 I just can't go back there quick. 0.99

01:14:49.000 Yeah.

01:14:49.000 That's an important little piece of integrity when it comes to the connection that you have with an audience that a lot of agents, they don't understand that.

01:14:57.000 They just understand.

01:14:58.000 They see there's money there to be made.

01:15:00.000 Dave, there's a lot of gold in that hole.

01:15:02.000 We've got buckets.

01:15:03.000 Come on, we've got buckets. 0.97

01:15:04.000 Yeah, it's raining money.

01:15:06.000 And you're like, no, I know these people.

01:15:08.000 I think for me, a nice resting the field would be 14 months.

01:15:14.000 14 months and then maybe give it another 6 months.

01:15:18.000 I'm really afraid to go back too soon.

01:15:20.000 I really am afraid.

01:15:23.000 It looks like I'm going to do my next comedy special at the Comedy Works in Denver.

01:15:28.000 That's what I'm planning on doing.

01:15:29.000 Fantastic.

01:15:30.000 Yeah.

01:15:30.000 The big room or the classic room?

01:15:32.000 The little room.

01:15:32.000 That's a great one.

01:15:33.000 That's a great one.

01:15:33.000 I've got to figure out how to do it.

01:15:35.000 And your idea with GoPros in the audience is fucking brilliant. 0.87

01:15:38.000 It's cool. 0.96

01:15:38.000 So I think I'm going to stick some stuff on the ceiling. 0.96

01:15:42.000 I want it to be packed though.

01:15:44.000 I don't want any seats to be missing because of the cameras.

01:15:47.000 That could just distract you from the actual show.

01:15:50.000 Absolutely.

01:15:50.000 I want it to be as non-distracting as possible.

01:15:52.000 No lighting that's any different.

01:15:54.000 Everything exactly the same.

01:15:56.000 The guy who did my special, Scott, he was the director, and we were both figuring out how to do it.

01:16:03.000 I knew I didn't want it to look like a theater show with the pans and the booming, all the boom shots.

01:16:08.000 So we did it all with little cameras, and then the GoPros, which were kind of cool because we gave it to the audience, so they're right there.

01:16:15.000 So it gives you the ultimate seat in the house by watching it.

01:16:19.000 Wow.

01:16:20.000 I'm telling you, dude, it's so cool because it really does make me look like a better comic.

01:16:25.000 It really does.

01:16:26.000 I'm like, whoa, dude, that's like a Lenny Bruce move right there, and it's really just me doing my shitty act, but it looks so much better on the GoPro, you know? 0.97

01:16:32.000 Well, the idea of doing it with the audience holding up the cameras is fucking genius. 0.93

01:16:37.000 Oh, thanks, man. 0.92

01:16:37.000 Thank you. 0.92

01:16:38.000 Didn't you do Skanks for the Memories in Denver?

01:16:41.000 Yeah.

01:16:41.000 I did skanks there, and I have to tell you that that is one of the best audiences in the country.

01:16:46.000 They're fucking amazing. 0.95

01:16:48.000 That is just great. 0.99

01:16:49.000 And now that weed is super legal there, I am dying to go back.

01:16:53.000 I just want to see what's happening.

01:16:55.000 Dude, I want to move there.

01:16:57.000 You've got to move there.

01:16:58.000 I've been wanting to move back to Colorado for a long time, man.

01:17:01.000 I don't know how we would do the show.

01:17:02.000 Yeah, I only lived there for a few months until my...

01:17:04.000 My super sperm got to me wife's eggs. 1.00

01:17:07.000 Made a baby.

01:17:09.000 It's very high altitude.

01:17:10.000 You can't live at high altitude when you're pregnant. 0.99

01:17:12.000 It's fucking real tough on the lasses. 0.99

01:17:15.000 Very tough. 0.99

01:17:16.000 But that club was fantastic when I was living there.

01:17:19.000 Just for the three months, four months, whatever it was that I was there. 0.99

01:17:21.000 It's a fucking great club. 0.97

01:17:23.000 They have real comics there. 0.99

01:17:24.000 They have local Denver comics that are legit.

01:17:27.000 They're building talent in that club.

01:17:29.000 She does it on a regular basis.

01:17:31.000 Wendy is another, I guess you could say, unsung hero in comedy because her club is about the comics and even though she doesn't get as much attention as some of these other bigger clubs, she really is important.

01:17:44.000 She's built some great comics. 0.98

01:17:46.000 Fuck yeah, she has, man. 0.99

01:17:47.000 She's been around for a long time and she is responsible for the majority of that scene. 1.00

01:17:52.000 Yeah.

01:17:52.000 Like those clubs, her system of open mics and getting open mics and then turning them into features or turning them into MCs rather and then the features and then eventually the headliners.

01:18:01.000 That's a, you know, that's an important part of the whole scene there in Denver.

01:18:06.000 In Denver.

01:18:07.000 And now, like, I was just at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City.

01:18:09.000 Have you been there?

01:18:09.000 No, I haven't.

01:18:10.000 Dude, you would love this club.

01:18:11.000 It's a great club.

01:18:12.000 It's, uh, it's, everyone's like, oh, it's Mormon. 0.55

01:18:15.000 No, they're drinking.

01:18:15.000 It's like the Jack Mormons are out there.

01:18:17.000 It's a great club.

01:18:18.000 I told this to Chris Rock.

01:18:19.000 I'm like, you know, dude, if you guys want to go and work on material, these crowds are fun.

01:18:23.000 They get it.

01:18:24.000 And it's so cool when you play a refreshing...

01:18:26.000 Every show was cool.

01:18:28.000 Every show, I was trying new jokes.

01:18:29.000 It was great. 0.99

01:18:30.000 I think it used to be that there was real shit parts of the country. 1.00

01:18:33.000 You would go there and you'd go, oh, this spot sucks. 0.99

01:18:35.000 But that's way Way less now, because the kids that we're dealing with grew up with the internet.

01:18:39.000 Everywhere you go, you're going to get a certain amount of people that get it.

01:18:43.000 I think that's probably the best indication of how much different the world is, our country is, culturally, than it was back in the 70s and the 80s and the 90s without the internet. 0.99

01:18:54.000 You would go to places where people didn't know shit.

01:18:57.000 But anywhere you go now, people have an internet connection, kids are sharing information, they're just more informed. 0.99

01:19:02.000 They know good comedy, too.

01:19:05.000 Like, they appreciate good comedy, and they'll come out to see you.

01:19:07.000 They'll come out to see you everywhere you go.

01:19:08.000 Well, I think, you know, I think there's so much other stuff now that they're being inundated with just, like, you know...

01:19:17.000 Videos and clips and apps and all that kind of stuff that like, you know, really getting them off that is, you know, I say it on every radio thing, it's like, it's amazing when they show up.

01:19:25.000 It really is.

01:19:26.000 It is.

01:19:26.000 It's incredible.

01:19:27.000 But it's, they're just not the same hicks.

01:19:30.000 Oh, that thing. 0.93

01:19:32.000 Everybody's been citified.

01:19:33.000 Everybody's Metro now.

01:19:34.000 There's an Einstein Bagels in Alabama.

01:19:36.000 I always used to say that as like, We've got an Einstein bagel down here.

01:19:39.000 The places that do kind of stink now are L.A. and New York because those have become...

01:19:45.000 They're not even urban anymore.

01:19:47.000 They're international.

01:19:49.000 At the Comedy Cellar, you'll be playing to people who are from Staten Island and also countries that you've only heard about on Game of Thrones.

01:19:57.000 Just crazy, weird Transylvanian stan or something like that.

01:20:02.000 In a way, it's kind of cool, but in a way, it just shows you American comedy.

01:20:05.000 People want to see it.

01:20:06.000 They came all over here.

01:20:21.000 Yeah.

01:20:22.000 Yeah. 0.91

01:20:28.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.98

01:20:29.000 Let's meet halfway at the equator and see how that works. 0.99

01:20:33.000 Yeah.

01:20:33.000 How about just go on after you at the improv?

01:20:36.000 Give it a shot.

01:20:37.000 You know, it's so funny.

01:20:39.000 Doug, who is my guy of like, you know, he goes to England for like, I don't know what it is.

01:20:42.000 They have him in a theater there for like eight weeks or something like that.

01:20:44.000 And he goes like, you know, it's amazing because these guys have to have like a whole new hour to tour through England every time.

01:20:49.000 And it's really like You know, like, they're so, like, their crowds there are pretty cool with both political stuff and all that kind of stuff.

01:20:55.000 But they're also incredibly judgmental.

01:20:57.000 Like, they see it as, like, a theater show or something like that.

01:20:59.000 So, you know, I was like, oh, who would want to go through that grief, you know, all the time just to be playing in Piccadilly Circus?

01:21:05.000 But now, like, you know this French guy, that comedian?

01:21:08.000 He's, like, this kind of, like, racist guy, you know, he does the Holocaust jokes?

01:21:12.000 No. 0.53

01:21:13.000 So that's the guy that we have to go, like, we have to meet at The Hague and, like, do a smackdown with him.

01:21:18.000 A French guy does Holocaust jokes? 0.99

01:21:20.000 Yeah, no, in France, like, I guess in France you're not supposed to talk about the Holocaust or something like that, so he makes a big deal about it, about, like, freedom of speech, and he's also half...

01:21:29.000 Half black or something like that.

01:21:30.000 So he talks about how the Moroccans are not treated well.

01:21:33.000 I don't know the whole story, but the whole idea is that he does these jokes and he's kind of like their renegade comic.

01:21:43.000 He's like the French Russell Peters.

01:21:45.000 He's kind of like Russell.

01:21:46.000 Without the money.

01:21:48.000 France wins battle to ban anti-Semitic comedians.

01:21:51.000 Yeah, see, there you go.

01:21:52.000 Is he funny?

01:21:53.000 Well, that's the first thing I said.

01:21:55.000 And then I listened to some clips, I'm like, well...

01:21:57.000 It's not good.

01:21:58.000 Well, that's the problem.

01:21:59.000 See, if it was really funny, like Otto and George.

01:22:02.000 Like Otto and George.

01:22:03.000 Like Otto and George.

01:22:04.000 I worked...

01:22:05.000 I did Jersey Shore, those Bob Gonzo gigs, with Otto and George.

01:22:09.000 And, you know, I also did the...

01:22:11.000 I told you I did the Dangerfield shows with him, but he had a meltdown one night on stage where he was going off about Oprah and Oprah Winfrey. 0.98

01:22:22.000 I forget the fucking joke. 1.00

01:22:24.000 I don't remember it, but he was going on this rampage about fucking her with his wind and cock. 1.00

01:22:33.000 You know, that he's hung like a paddle. 1.00

01:22:34.000 That George.

01:22:35.000 Hung like a kayak paddle. 1.00

01:22:37.000 And, I mean, just saying some horrible racist but hilarious shit. 1.00

01:22:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:22:43.000 Black people in the audience were fucking crying laughing. 1.00

01:22:45.000 Everyone was crying laughing. 1.00

01:22:47.000 It was really racist but fucking hilarious. 0.98

01:22:50.000 If it's good, it's good. 0.99

01:22:51.000 He was talking about someone and two other people in a hot tub being like a scene from Gorillas in the Mist.

01:22:56.000 That's it!

01:22:56.000 I knew you were going to say it.

01:22:57.000 What was the joke?

01:22:59.000 Do you remember the joke?

01:23:00.000 It could be...

01:23:01.000 Because that was one of those Long Island standards.

01:23:04.000 I just saw Monster's Ball.

01:23:06.000 It looked like a scene from Gorillas in the Mist.

01:23:10.000 I just saw...

01:23:11.000 Name a black movie.

01:23:13.000 I don't know if I was watching that or Gorillas in the Mist.

01:23:15.000 Well, he told me at one point in time, he was doing a Kennedy bit, and he told me at one point in time he was trying to rig how to make blood squirt out of George's head.

01:23:23.000 Yeah.

01:23:24.000 Because his wig would fall back, and his brain would be exposed.

01:23:27.000 Do you remember that?

01:23:27.000 Yep.

01:23:28.000 He would do a bit where he would throw George's head back.

01:23:31.000 That was his clothes.

01:23:32.000 And you would see his brains, and you could see people going, like, why did I eat if I was going to see the brains of what he's saying is the president?

01:23:42.000 But I remember him coming up to me afterwards.

01:23:44.000 I think it was one of the first times I met him.

01:23:45.000 It was right after his show, and he didn't smooth back the hair yet.

01:23:49.000 So it was like, hey, what's up, Otto?

01:23:51.000 How's it going, man?

01:23:51.000 I'm a huge fan, blah, blah, blah.

01:23:52.000 And the brains were right there, so it was cool.

01:23:54.000 I got to see the whole pyrotechnics.

01:23:57.000 There he is.

01:23:57.000 Yeah.

01:23:58.000 He...

01:24:00.000 Put it on.

01:24:01.000 Let's hear it.

01:24:02.000 Let's hear some of that.

01:24:04.000 This is a later one.

01:24:05.000 Hey, George, did you see Brokeback Mountain?

01:24:09.000 Yeah.

01:24:10.000 What'd you think?

01:24:11.000 Loved him, hated him.

01:24:12.000 All right.

01:24:14.000 You know the original title of that was A Fist Full of Testicles?

01:24:18.000 All right, no way.

01:24:21.000 We better hurry up.

01:24:22.000 We got four minutes and they're throwing us out of here.

01:24:25.000 Try getting in this building tomorrow, Geppetto. 0.95

01:24:28.000 All right.

01:24:31.000 George, do you like plane travel? 0.96

01:24:33.000 Aw, man, it sucks.

01:24:34.000 Every time I get in an airplane, I'm never sitting next to a cute girl. 0.98

01:24:37.000 I'm always sitting next to some old guy who wants to talk, you know?

01:24:40.000 Where you from?

01:24:41.000 Where you going?

01:24:43.000 Where am I going?

01:24:44.000 Look at your ticket!

01:24:45.000 That's where we're all going!

01:24:51.000 I'd like to sing a song for Valentine's Day.

01:24:54.000 This is the love song from the movie Jaws.

01:24:58.000 Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to.

01:25:05.000 Good crowd, right?

01:25:06.000 Yeah, and Sonny Bono's a good skier.

01:25:08.000 All right.

01:25:12.000 I love Jaws.

01:25:13.000 Jaws was a great movie.

01:25:14.000 Remember the opening scene in Jaws?

01:25:16.000 This drunk girl goes swimming naked. 1.00

01:25:19.000 I'm drunk, come on in the water! 0.93

01:25:22.000 Come on in!

01:25:23.000 And then you hear...

01:25:24.000 Come on in, water is great!

01:25:32.000 Doesn't this broad hear the music?

01:25:35.000 Get on the water, it's short music!

01:25:37.000 Hey, is anybody here from New Jersey?

01:25:40.000 New Jersey? 1.00

01:25:42.000 Kill yourself! 1.00

01:25:45.000 What a polluted dump New Jersey is now. 1.00

01:25:49.000 New Jersey where a fart is refreshing. 0.98

01:25:54.000 Seriously.

01:25:56.000 Here's a poem I wrote about Jersey.

01:25:59.000 It's called Pollution.

01:26:00.000 It's a poem.

01:26:01.000 Go ahead.

01:26:02.000 I shot an arrow into the air.

01:26:05.000 It stuck.

01:26:07.000 Thank you, thank you, thank you.

01:26:11.000 That's on TV. It's super watered down.

01:26:15.000 No, no, no.

01:26:16.000 It's okay.

01:26:17.000 I love those classic setups.

01:26:19.000 Do you fly much?

01:26:22.000 It doesn't matter how they have to do that kind of question.

01:26:26.000 Some comics will get mad if other comics do jokes about plane travel.

01:26:29.000 Like, oh, he does a joke about plane travel.

01:26:31.000 Oh, they find a hack?

01:26:33.000 What year is this?

01:26:34.000 This one's really old.

01:26:35.000 1988. I might not have seen this.

01:26:37.000 Look at that mullet. 0.99

01:26:38.000 Okay. 1.00

01:26:39.000 That's lawnmowers, you dopey bastards. 1.00

01:26:44.000 Look at this shit. 1.00

01:26:45.000 They gave me my own microphone. 1.00

01:26:47.000 Stupid cocksuckers think I'm real. 1.00

01:26:52.000 What year is this? 1.00

01:26:53.000 1988. Oh, wow.

01:26:55.000 Look how young he looks.

01:26:56.000 You ever see that Twilight Zone episode? 1.00

01:26:58.000 Yeah, I saw that shit. 1.00

01:27:01.000 That's my favorite show. 1.00

01:27:03.000 Yeah, I wonder why.

01:27:05.000 I met Rod Serling once. 1.00

01:27:06.000 He had a huge cock with eyebrows on it. 1.00

01:27:12.000 So you like porno movies? 1.00

01:27:13.000 I made one. 1.00

01:27:15.000 It's a fuck film with all puppets. 0.99

01:27:17.000 It's called Caligula, Fran, and Ollie. 1.00

01:27:22.000 I fucked Miss Piggy in this movie. 1.00

01:27:25.000 I porked her. 1.00

01:27:27.000 Bacon shot out of her ears. 1.00

01:27:29.000 I porked that bitch. 1.00

01:27:31.000 All right. 1.00

01:27:32.000 So much better on Sunset.

01:27:34.000 Yeah.

01:27:34.000 So much better.

01:27:36.000 Don't you think this is a nice audience?

01:27:38.000 Yeah, I've seen happier faces at firing squads.

01:27:41.000 Folks, I drive a cab for a living here in New York. 1.00

01:27:45.000 Any of you cheap bastards take cabs? 0.99

01:27:48.000 See if you recognize me. 1.00

01:27:54.000 Hey, you want to get my feet back in the chair? 0.98

01:27:56.000 I'm fucking swinging here. 0.98

01:27:57.000 Sorry. 0.99

01:27:58.000 Like a marionette.

01:28:00.000 Alright. 1.00

01:28:00.000 Make my ass look real. 1.00

01:28:02.000 Okay. 1.00

01:28:03.000 Get a fucking illusion going here. 0.99

01:28:05.000 Alright. 0.99

01:28:07.000 Hey, George, how's your girlfriend Gina doing? 1.00

01:28:10.000 Oh, that slut. 1.00

01:28:12.000 What do you call her that for? 1.00

01:28:14.000 This girl's a slut. 1.00

01:28:15.000 One time she spread her legs and a greyhound bus came out. 1.00

01:28:21.000 Can you imagine that killing at Pips?

01:28:23.000 Like, just crazy.

01:28:24.000 Pips.

01:28:25.000 Oh, I remember Pips.

01:28:26.000 Never performed there. 0.99

01:28:27.000 Peeked in once and said, let me get the fuck out of here. 0.83

01:28:29.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

01:28:30.000 I just smelled the devil.

01:28:31.000 It was like there's a demonic presence in this.

01:28:34.000 Joey Cola told me he was on stage there and a guy flashed him a gun.

01:28:37.000 Yeah, that was Brooklyn, Brooklyn.

01:28:40.000 Yeah.

01:28:41.000 He's on stage.

01:28:42.000 That was before the hipsters moved in. 1.00

01:28:43.000 He's going, fuck you, fuck you. 1.00

01:28:45.000 And he shows him his gun. 1.00

01:28:47.000 Pulls up his shirt and shows him his gun.

01:28:49.000 That was the club that I think I got to play one time.

01:28:53.000 And then I was like, you know, it's such a long train ride from like, well, I was living in Brooklyn too, but it was like such a long train.

01:28:59.000 And like, I was so bad compared to everybody else there.

01:29:03.000 I was like, Man, like, I thought, like, they would throw me a beating just for being bad.

01:29:07.000 Like, the club owner, like, you know, how dare you?

01:29:09.000 How dare you?

01:29:09.000 No.

01:29:10.000 No?

01:29:10.000 It's gone?

01:29:11.000 Yeah, it's all gone.

01:29:12.000 What about Grandpa's on Staten Island?

01:29:14.000 Is that still around?

01:29:15.000 I never played there.

01:29:16.000 I don't think I did.

01:29:17.000 Maybe I did.

01:29:18.000 I don't know, but I'll just say no.

01:29:20.000 I don't think that is. 0.67

01:29:22.000 I did that place a long fucking time ago. 1.00

01:29:26.000 Goddamn. 0.99

01:29:26.000 There's so many of those little satellite clubs in and around New York that were great. 0.99

01:29:30.000 But compared to Boston, though?

01:29:32.000 Well, I just played Governors recently. 0.98

01:29:34.000 Fucking great. 0.99

01:29:35.000 That's a great club. 0.99

01:29:36.000 The guys who run Governors, they really are another...

01:29:41.000 They're really cool about comedy.

01:29:43.000 They really want it to be what it was.

01:29:46.000 The audience has to come down and see it, but they really are into...

01:29:49.000 They got their own radio thing going there.

01:29:50.000 They're always trying to give new guys a day, which is so cool.

01:29:53.000 They give a guy like, you come in on a Wednesday, dude.

01:29:56.000 You do whatever you want.

01:29:57.000 Colin Quinn, I think, worked his one-man show out there for a bit.

01:30:00.000 Is the brokerage still around?

01:30:01.000 The brokerage, I think, is where he did it.

01:30:02.000 Yeah, that's a great club.

01:30:03.000 I think Ari just did that recently. 1.00

01:30:05.000 I think it is still around.

01:30:06.000 I've got to see Ari on the road. 1.00

01:30:07.000 I want to see what that looks like. 0.99

01:30:08.000 Fucking, he's doing great. 0.99

01:30:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:30:10.000 So nice to see.

01:30:10.000 The show just got picked up also.

01:30:12.000 Yeah, he's got a Comedy Central show.

01:30:13.000 He is rocking.

01:30:13.000 Yeah.

01:30:14.000 And I love how he did that show.

01:30:17.000 He started it out doing comedy nights.

01:30:19.000 He did nights like at the improv or whatever with these storyteller shows.

01:30:23.000 He'd do the little room at the improv.

01:30:24.000 Then he moved to the big room at the improv.

01:30:25.000 Then he moved to Comedy Central Online.

01:30:28.000 And now, I mean...

01:30:29.000 He, like, developed this thing from the seeds.

01:30:32.000 So awesome.

01:30:33.000 So cool to see, man.

01:30:34.000 So cool to see.

01:30:36.000 And that storyteller thing, like, his stuff really rocks out because we talked about it.

01:30:40.000 And, like, you know, it definitely is.

01:30:43.000 There's an audience for that, and it's cool that he's on top of that, you know?

01:30:46.000 Yeah.

01:30:47.000 He's, like, the only guy I can think of that really does it like that.

01:30:49.000 Well, it's a smart move.

01:30:50.000 And it was his sort of idea, I believe, it was, like, to encourage, like, that style of comedy, like a storyteller style, so it would help his storytelling.

01:30:58.000 And also just as like a creative exercise.

01:31:01.000 You know, have guys go up and tell stories instead of just telling their act.

01:31:05.000 I see.

01:31:05.000 You know?

01:31:06.000 It's a great idea, man. 0.99

01:31:07.000 It's a fucking great idea. 0.97

01:31:10.000 It's just so cool that Comedy Central is picking it up. 0.99

01:31:13.000 It's so cool that they're smart.

01:31:14.000 I love that they picked up your show, too.

01:31:16.000 It's a great idea.

01:31:17.000 You're doing a new version of the Rodney Dangerfield show.

01:31:20.000 It's essentially very similar.

01:31:21.000 I like to think it's more Caroline's comedy.

01:31:24.000 It's a showcase show, and it wasn't my idea, but it was definitely something that I thought needed to be done, especially if it's uncensored.

01:31:32.000 Thank you, man.

01:31:33.000 What do you call it?

01:31:34.000 It's called Comedy Underground.

01:31:35.000 It's at the Village Underground.

01:31:36.000 That's where we shoot it in New York City.

01:31:37.000 It's not underground comedy.

01:31:38.000 It's not like subversive mumblecore or anything like that.

01:31:41.000 Because we had trouble with thinking of a good name for it, you know?

01:31:45.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:31:46.000 The Village Underground is downstairs to get to the set?

01:31:49.000 This is downstairs.

01:31:50.000 This is like around the block from the cellar.

01:31:52.000 It's also the same people who are involved in it.

01:31:54.000 This is a great show.

01:31:55.000 That was the first show.

01:31:56.000 Jay Oakerson, have you seen him?

01:31:57.000 He is amazing.

01:31:58.000 No, I haven't had a chance to.

01:32:00.000 He's great.

01:32:00.000 He's also Jermaine and Joe.

01:32:03.000 Everybody rocked out on the show.

01:32:04.000 Wow, this is incredible.

01:32:05.000 Yeah, see, that's a club. 0.99

01:32:06.000 That's a real club.

01:32:07.000 We didn't build that set.

01:32:08.000 That's a real club. 1.00

01:32:09.000 Shit, that club is amazing. 0.99

01:32:11.000 This looks a lot like my special here, which is like me on stage... 1.00

01:32:15.000 You know, in this club, and I have to tell you that, like, the crowd got it right away, and they really stepped up.

01:32:22.000 So, you know, let's hope there is a big crowd for this kind of stuff, the Uncensored Club Show.

01:32:26.000 Listen, there is, man.

01:32:28.000 I guarantee there is.

01:32:29.000 It's not like it stopped being good.

01:32:31.000 It's just people stop having as much access to it when, you know, Kinison died, and Dice went away for a little while, and it's just like, you know, they just probably didn't know where to get it.

01:32:42.000 Is that Jay?

01:32:42.000 Yeah.

01:32:43.000 EJ is rocking.

01:32:44.000 What a great club, man. 0.95

01:32:46.000 I mean, of course, Chris Rock's kind of dirty, but he's too smart to just be considered just a dirty comedian, too. 0.76

01:32:53.000 I like how he wears the gloves like dice. 0.69

01:32:55.000 He looks like he's giving them the, you know, the scared street in high school?

01:33:01.000 Yeah.

01:33:02.000 I've done time.

01:33:03.000 I've done meth.

01:33:04.000 I know how to cook meth.

01:33:05.000 Don't do it.

01:33:07.000 But Jay is a great comic, man.

01:33:08.000 He really is one of my favorites, and I've toured with him a bunch.

01:33:12.000 He's just a pleasure all the way around.

01:33:14.000 What street is this club on?

01:33:15.000 This is on 3rd Street in Manhattan, 3rd between McDougal and 6th Avenue.

01:33:19.000 How long has it been around for?

01:33:20.000 This club, the Village Underground?

01:33:22.000 Yeah.

01:33:22.000 They do plenty of shows there if you ever want to do one, they'd love to have you.

01:33:24.000 It's been around forever.

01:33:26.000 It's the Black Fat Pussycat is the bar, and then they have music there most of the time, but they just started doing comedy a couple years back.

01:33:32.000 Wow.

01:33:33.000 I never heard about them doing comedy there before.

01:33:36.000 See, this is all the style of the special, where you see the audience, but you also see the comic close-up.

01:33:41.000 There's no shots for no reason, really.

01:33:45.000 It's all promoting it, moving it forward, and it just makes it look way better.

01:33:50.000 And we had tons of camera problems on the show.

01:33:52.000 It took me forever to edit this stuff, but it looks better.

01:33:54.000 It looks way better.

01:33:56.000 That's a perfect stage.

01:33:59.000 I love the sign too, that old sign behind them.

01:34:02.000 Yeah, no, they put that in there, the underground thing, but other than that, that's the classic stage.

01:34:06.000 They should leave that sign in there.

01:34:07.000 Yeah, I know.

01:34:08.000 I told them that too. 1.00

01:34:09.000 Idiots. 1.00

01:34:09.000 They wanted to take it down? 1.00

01:34:10.000 Yeah, they didn't want it.

01:34:11.000 Why not?

01:34:12.000 That's so cool.

01:34:13.000 I don't know.

01:34:14.000 The sign is awesome.

01:34:15.000 I gotta get it out of my house.

01:34:16.000 You have it in your house?

01:34:17.000 No, that's always the thing.

01:34:18.000 It's like, hey, you want it?

01:34:19.000 Then I'm picking up the show.

01:34:20.000 So did you guys make that sign for the show?

01:34:22.000 They did.

01:34:23.000 Oh my god, it's perfect.

01:34:24.000 It's cool, right?

01:34:24.000 Oh, but it's fake old.

01:34:26.000 I don't know.

01:34:27.000 I knew that it fell off the stage at one point. 1.00

01:34:30.000 Motherfuckers, they fake-olded it. 1.00

01:34:32.000 It still looks badass. 1.00

01:34:33.000 It still does look badass, but now that I know, you shouldn't have told me, man.

01:34:36.000 It's like telling the little kid that Santa Claus is real.

01:34:38.000 Oh, dude, I'm sorry.

01:34:40.000 You know?

01:34:40.000 There's bricks behind you, they're real.

01:34:42.000 The bricks behind me are real bricks, Brian. 1.00

01:34:44.000 You shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:34:45.000 They're half bricks. 1.00

01:34:46.000 No, they're real.

01:34:48.000 Look, hit your head on it.

01:34:50.000 Yeah, I had this installed.

01:34:53.000 You did?

01:34:54.000 I like what you did in here.

01:34:56.000 What's behind the curtain over there?

01:34:57.000 Shh! 0.97

01:34:58.000 Later.

01:34:58.000 Don't.

01:34:59.000 I'll show you later.

01:35:00.000 Don't even.

01:35:00.000 That's the massage room.

01:35:01.000 It's gorgeous.

01:35:02.000 They're warming the oil up right now.

01:35:05.000 You know, that show, The Underground, like this week, it's on late, like 1 a.m.

01:35:09.000 Saturday, you know?

01:35:10.000 1 a.m.

01:35:11.000 Saturday.

01:35:11.000 And this week is Ralphie Mae, who we were talking about earlier, April Macy, and Lunell.

01:35:16.000 Do you know Lunell?

01:35:17.000 No.

01:35:17.000 Lunell was in the Borat movie.

01:35:20.000 I still haven't seen the Borat movie.

01:35:21.000 Okay, well, you know who Lunell is, right?

01:35:24.000 No, no, I've seen the Borat movie.

01:35:25.000 I haven't seen the Bruno movie.

01:35:26.000 I haven't seen it.

01:35:27.000 I worked with her a bunch in San Francisco, and she is so cool, man.

01:35:30.000 Yeah?

01:35:31.000 And that was cool to get all those different styles, because Ralphie's a super hardcore headliner.

01:35:36.000 I mean, he's rock hard, you know?

01:35:37.000 And April, I've worked with a bunch too.

01:35:39.000 She really knows how to throw down a joke. 1.00

01:35:40.000 And Lunell takes it in a different direction.

01:35:42.000 So it was good to give that balance.

01:35:44.000 And how much time is everybody doing?

01:35:45.000 About four or five minutes.

01:35:46.000 That was the whole part.

01:35:47.000 I said cut me down.

01:35:48.000 So it's a half hour show?

01:35:50.000 Yeah.

01:35:50.000 Whoa.

01:35:50.000 I said cut me down because I want them to do their solid acts.

01:35:54.000 Four or five minutes?

01:35:55.000 And they would roll out 12, 15 minutes.

01:35:57.000 And you'd have to chop it?

01:35:59.000 Well, yeah.

01:35:59.000 The network wanted to do it.

01:36:00.000 And I said, let me take a look at it.

01:36:03.000 Wow.

01:36:03.000 I figured if I looked at it, it would be a little bit smoother than if the network did it.

01:36:07.000 Yeah, did they let you edit it?

01:36:09.000 Yeah, eventually I jumped in on it.

01:36:12.000 Well, that's cool that they're letting you edit it.

01:36:14.000 The more power they give you, the more control over it. 1.00

01:36:16.000 You obsess about shit, man. 1.00

01:36:18.000 I really do. 1.00

01:36:19.000 I remember when we did that porn show together.

01:36:21.000 I couldn't believe how much you were obsessing over the various aspects of what worked, what didn't work, what's the next scene we should watch.

01:36:29.000 You had notes and notes and notes.

01:36:31.000 I figured it was a show you'd just show up.

01:36:33.000 No, we really wanted it.

01:36:35.000 I wanted it to be so, like, tribute show, funny show.

01:36:39.000 I mean, it was unscripted, but you're right.

01:36:42.000 We were obsessing because we did all this prep work on, like, well, this movie was an important movie for our star, and this one was, like, a movie they directed.

01:36:49.000 So we were trying to tell, like, this half-assed story.

01:36:52.000 But you're right.

01:36:52.000 I obsess.

01:36:53.000 I take all the fun out of every fucking thing I do. 0.99

01:36:55.000 It's not the fun out of it. 0.99

01:36:56.000 You just have a...

01:37:01.000 Thanks for saying that, man.

01:37:23.000 Not just way more effort, but your intent was really kind of noble.

01:37:29.000 You really were trying to respect these people and pay tribute to them.

01:37:32.000 Like when you had Ginger Lynn on.

01:37:35.000 That was one of my favorite episodes, you and Ginger.

01:37:37.000 That was fun.

01:37:39.000 It really was.

01:37:40.000 Yeah.

01:37:40.000 I've known her from the Comedy Store days, from way back in the day.

01:37:44.000 She's a very nice person.

01:37:46.000 She's always been a very nice person.

01:37:47.000 She's a sweetheart, and you know, I wish that show was still going, because that was definitely one of the funnest things I've ever done, and I really do feel like...

01:37:54.000 You know when you say you're obsessing and stuff like that?

01:37:56.000 It usually takes any show about a season to figure itself out.

01:38:00.000 Maybe not so much now because I guess people are better at television or something like that.

01:38:05.000 But even when you're the guy who comes up with the idea, and I came up with that idea with Stuart Bailey, who's a great dude.

01:38:13.000 Even though we thought it out and we got it together and all that kind of stuff, you still don't know.

01:38:20.000 You still don't know.

01:38:20.000 And that's why editing is so important and learning from your mistakes.

01:38:24.000 And like trying to make it better every week.

01:38:26.000 And I think that a lot of that is, that is kind of like gone on the wayside now because people are just pumping up product.

01:38:32.000 Yeah, no, I think you're right. 0.95

01:38:33.000 I think, um, it's just, well, the idea that you came up with is just a fucking great idea.

01:38:39.000 The floating couch over the decks and stuff.

01:38:41.000 Just, Yeah, no, and all that stuff was just like in the editing room.

01:38:44.000 Hey, let's try this, let's try, you know, like whatever, like Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.

01:38:48.000 You try this, I'll try it, you know, and like it just happened and it was so good.

01:38:51.000 It was so good that we're like, can we do that again?

01:38:53.000 And like, you can't afford it.

01:38:55.000 That was the whole thing about editing and doing it on your own budget.

01:38:58.000 It really is like, how much can I afford, you know?

01:39:01.000 Yeah.

01:39:02.000 No, it's a...

01:39:03.000 So I have to learn how to edit.

01:39:04.000 Why'd they stop doing it?

01:39:06.000 They didn't want another season.

01:39:07.000 I don't know.

01:39:07.000 And I have great tapes.

01:39:08.000 I have Otto and George on there.

01:39:10.000 I have Doug Stanhope.

01:39:11.000 I have Jay Moore.

01:39:12.000 I have, like, all these great people who, like, did not get a chance to get on there.

01:39:16.000 I have David Allen Greer.

01:39:17.000 I have just all these great comics, you know?

01:39:20.000 You mean you have them on film that you did it with?

01:39:22.000 Yeah.

01:39:22.000 Oh, my God.

01:39:23.000 Can you put it online?

01:39:24.000 I can't.

01:39:25.000 No.

01:39:25.000 I heard that your apartment got broken into and it all got online.

01:39:30.000 Okay.

01:39:31.000 That's what I heard.

01:39:31.000 Okay.

01:39:32.000 Oh, thank you.

01:39:32.000 Yes.

01:39:33.000 Did you know that?

01:39:33.000 I didn't know that.

01:39:34.000 Dude.

01:39:34.000 Oh, boy.

01:39:35.000 Yeah.

01:39:35.000 It's going to be on BitTorrent in a couple of days.

01:39:37.000 I heard.

01:39:38.000 Okay.

01:39:39.000 All right.

01:39:39.000 Or Vimeo.

01:39:40.000 Yeah, we can...

01:39:41.000 Is that how you drop it now?

01:39:43.000 Okay.

01:39:43.000 That's what I heard.

01:39:45.000 No, it's until I own the rights again.

01:39:47.000 Until I own the rights again, it really is...

01:39:49.000 It's kind of like one of those things where I really don't know what to say.

01:39:54.000 Because there are fans of it.

01:39:55.000 They're like, when are we going to see this?

01:39:57.000 When are we going to...

01:39:57.000 So...

01:39:58.000 But right now, I'm just so glad not to be editing.

01:40:00.000 So that's great.

01:40:01.000 No, I'm sure.

01:40:02.000 I'm sure.

01:40:03.000 Yeah, I'm sure it's a relief.

01:40:05.000 Have you ever had to do that kind of thing where you do the post-production on a project too?

01:40:09.000 Yes.

01:40:10.000 Yeah, it's not that fun.

01:40:11.000 What project would it be?

01:40:12.000 Joe Rogan questions everything.

01:40:13.000 I did a little bit on that.

01:40:14.000 There you go.

01:40:15.000 But never on a comedy special.

01:40:16.000 I mean, I've obviously edited my specials.

01:40:18.000 Yeah.

01:40:18.000 My own specials.

01:40:18.000 Which is another form of torture, by the way, looking at yourself a thousand times.

01:40:22.000 It's not good.

01:40:22.000 It's not good for your head.

01:40:23.000 It definitely isn't.

01:40:23.000 Because I don't like watching myself, but I don't mind listening to myself if I'm working on new material.

01:40:29.000 Yeah.

01:40:29.000 But if you watch yourself too much or you listen to yourself too much, you'll be like, ew.

01:40:34.000 Oh, God.

01:40:34.000 You know what I mean?

01:40:34.000 You don't want to watch yourself anymore.

01:40:36.000 You don't like yourself anymore.

01:40:37.000 And you don't want to hear the same jokes coming out of your own mouth over and over.

01:40:40.000 It's one thing if you tell them, but another thing if you watch them and you're like, Yeah, like all my bad habits.

01:40:45.000 I can see all that.

01:40:46.000 Even when you're showing the old clip of me as a boy, Davey et al., I was like, oh, look at that.

01:40:52.000 Look at the bad habits there before smoking.

01:40:55.000 That's hilarious.

01:40:56.000 Yeah, no, it's so true.

01:40:59.000 I think that it's good, though.

01:41:01.000 It's good to see those bad things.

01:41:02.000 It tightens up your act.

01:41:04.000 It tightens up my act when I don't like it.

01:41:05.000 When I don't like it, it forces me to cut out the fat, pick up the pace, put a little more juice into this, a little more writing into that, a little more...

01:41:14.000 It's all, the whole process I think is, the review part of it is a big part of it for creating new stuff.

01:41:20.000 Yeah.

01:41:21.000 And if I don't, I mean I don't do it just because I don't like it because it makes me uncomfortable to watch myself or listen to myself.

01:41:26.000 Which by the way, almost every comic I know feels the same way.

01:41:28.000 Really?

01:41:28.000 Okay, good.

01:41:29.000 Because I've seen guys laugh at their own tapes and I'm like, how do you do that?

01:41:32.000 Who are they?

01:41:33.000 You must have been raised right that you really love yourself. 1.00

01:41:36.000 Who are those fucking weirdos? 0.99

01:41:39.000 I've seen a guy who's watching himself on TV and he's like, ah, man. 1.00

01:41:41.000 He can't be good.

01:41:43.000 And if he is good, he's annoying. 0.99

01:41:44.000 He's one of those guys that's good on stage but annoying as fuck off stage. 0.99

01:41:47.000 He wants to tell you about his new bits all the time. 0.99

01:41:50.000 Oh, right.

01:41:50.000 They want to try them out on you.

01:41:52.000 Tell me if you think there's something in this. 0.99

01:41:54.000 The other day, I see this lady and you're like, oh my god, you're going to do your fucking material on me? 1.00

01:41:58.000 What are we doing here? 0.99

01:41:59.000 Oh, wow.

01:41:59.000 You ever have that?

01:42:00.000 Yep.

01:42:01.000 Yeah, and they think it's hilarious. 1.00

01:42:02.000 They'll listen to their own shit. 0.99

01:42:03.000 Yeah, like if it's a long bit? 1.00

01:42:05.000 They'll show you the notes. 0.99

01:42:06.000 Listen to this shit I'm working on. 1.00

01:42:07.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:42:07.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

01:42:09.000 Now, the only time I bring up a bit, I go like, do you have a joke like this?

01:42:13.000 Right.

01:42:14.000 It's called joke checking.

01:42:16.000 But other than that, there's some guys like Mike Vickione's a great joke writer.

01:42:19.000 I'll be like, okay, let's work on some jokes.

01:42:23.000 And then we'll just go spitball back and forth or something like that.

01:42:25.000 Yeah, joke checking is very important because sometimes you go, goddammit, this joke seems too easy.

01:42:29.000 It's too easy.

01:42:30.000 Yeah.

01:42:30.000 Somebody on YouTube helped me out, or on Twitter, rather.

01:42:34.000 I was talking about this new...

01:42:36.000 I have this new bit, and in the bit, there's a thing about milk substitutes, like almond milk. 0.60

01:42:42.000 And I said, almonds don't have tits, that's not milk. 1.00

01:42:44.000 But apparently, Louis Black had already had almost the same joke with soy. 0.99

01:42:48.000 When was the last time he saw soy tits? 1.00

01:42:51.000 It's not milk. 0.96

01:42:52.000 It was there.

01:42:53.000 I didn't see it quick enough.

01:42:54.000 He saw it first, but I got checked by Twitter, so it's nice.

01:42:59.000 It's very cool.

01:43:00.000 And that's cool that the fans helped you out on that because, you know, I do think that, like, due diligence, you know, and you can't, you can't, like, you know, sometimes, you know, whatever.

01:43:10.000 Well, one of those things, like, that's something that if you gave that subject to 100 guys and said, hey, what do you think about milk substitutes? 0.89

01:43:19.000 Ten of them are going to say, you know, almonds don't have tits. 0.99

01:43:22.000 Right. 0.98

01:43:23.000 They're just going to think, well, what's there?

01:43:24.000 Milk.

01:43:25.000 Okay, where does milk come from? 0.98

01:43:25.000 It comes from nipples. 0.98

01:43:26.000 Nipples are kind of funny. 0.99

01:43:27.000 Almonds have nipples? 1.00

01:43:28.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:43:29.000 And it's right there. 1.00

01:43:30.000 It's like, you just follow the normal, natural steps.

01:43:32.000 Exactly.

01:43:33.000 It's like water going, it's going to go to where it belongs.

01:43:36.000 Yeah.

01:43:36.000 And that's where that joke belongs.

01:43:38.000 It's parallel thinking.

01:43:40.000 It's going to happen with that.

01:43:41.000 With something along those lines.

01:43:43.000 Or, you know, fill in the blank.

01:43:45.000 Remember those med alert?

01:43:46.000 I've fallen.

01:43:48.000 I can't get up.

01:43:49.000 Remember that?

01:43:50.000 They had a commercial.

01:43:51.000 Do you remember that commercial?

01:43:52.000 A med alert was a thing that an old lady, they would fall down, they would press a button, and they would yell into it. 1.00

01:43:58.000 It was like a little walkie-talkie.

01:44:00.000 Help! 0.98

01:44:00.000 I've fallen and I can't get up. 0.98

01:44:01.000 I can't get up.

01:44:02.000 And I can't get up jokes were...

01:44:04.000 Bread and butter.

01:44:05.000 That was a monster.

01:44:07.000 You had to have an I can't get up joke.

01:44:09.000 Like every comic in 1988, 1989 had a fall in an I can't get up joke.

01:44:13.000 It became hack within like six months.

01:44:15.000 It's like Tinder now.

01:44:16.000 People have Tinder jokes?

01:44:18.000 Everyone has a Tinder joke.

01:44:19.000 Everyone has like all these new apps.

01:44:21.000 Yeah, app jokes.

01:44:22.000 I think I don't even know if I just heard this recently come out of my own mouth.

01:44:26.000 No, it was...

01:44:27.000 The woman from the I Fallen I Can't Get Up was also the woman from the Clapper.

01:44:31.000 And I think someone else is joking.

01:44:32.000 It's like, this lady can't get a break. 1.00

01:44:36.000 I know somebody said that.

01:44:37.000 And I was like, wow.

01:44:39.000 I didn't know both things were still in play.

01:44:41.000 Clapper.

01:44:42.000 Well, it was one of those things where comics would have to get on stage first.

01:44:47.000 Because they wanted to be the first guy to do I Fallen I Can't Get Up joke.

01:44:50.000 Because you didn't want to be the middle. 0.61

01:44:51.000 If the opener did the I Fallen I Can't Get Up joke, then you can't do your big closer.

01:44:55.000 Yeah.

01:44:56.000 Well, that's the thing about headlining, when you realize that like, you know, The sweet spot on the show is always the middle.

01:45:01.000 The opener has it rough, and you have it rough.

01:45:03.000 But the middle guy, he can roll through 50 premises and leave you with nothing.

01:45:08.000 And then you're like, wow, now it is a job.

01:45:11.000 And you got the check spot.

01:45:12.000 And that's the thing.

01:45:14.000 With the middle of the walk-off stage, it's like, yeah, they were good.

01:45:16.000 I'm like, yeah, of course they were.

01:45:18.000 That was like fishing forever up there.

01:45:22.000 You don't need a license.

01:45:25.000 You can just put the nets in there, jumping in the boat.

01:45:28.000 Now you left me nothing.

01:45:29.000 Well, the opener is definitely the hardest spot.

01:45:31.000 Oh, absolutely.

01:45:32.000 Especially the first 10 minutes.

01:45:34.000 You've got to get everybody rolling.

01:45:35.000 You've got to come out of the gate strong.

01:45:38.000 And you can't be too needy out of the gate.

01:45:40.000 You've got to establish control of the stage and then get everybody into the trance.

01:45:45.000 You get them all laughing.

01:45:47.000 Well, I was like, you know, energy open.

01:45:49.000 A guy who uses the energy.

01:45:51.000 I think that's cool.

01:45:52.000 And then, you know, they should do a couple of jokes so that people know it's not a rally, you know?

01:45:57.000 Yeah, that would be a nice thing.

01:46:00.000 That would be a nice idea.

01:46:02.000 What are you guys looking at?

01:46:05.000 I thought we were looking at the Clapper commercial.

01:46:07.000 No, we can pull it up if you want. 0.99

01:46:09.000 He's looking at pictures of you from back in the day, you sweet bitch. 1.00

01:46:11.000 Get that ugly, disgusting, get it off, please. 1.00

01:46:15.000 Do you like living in New York? 0.99

01:46:17.000 I hate it.

01:46:18.000 Do you really?

01:46:19.000 Oh, no.

01:46:19.000 I live in New York.

01:46:21.000 I like New York over L.A., I guess, just because I'm not a big driver or whatever.

01:46:25.000 But, you know, at this point...

01:46:27.000 You cab everywhere?

01:46:27.000 You take subways?

01:46:28.000 What do you do?

01:46:28.000 I take a cab.

01:46:29.000 I like to...

01:46:31.000 Rent a bike.

01:46:32.000 No, I don't do that.

01:46:34.000 In New York City, it's all about bikes and wind power.

01:46:37.000 A lot of people ride bikes, right?

01:46:39.000 I feel like I never live anywhere.

01:46:41.000 I always felt like I live in New York.

01:46:44.000 Family stuff and all that kind of stuff there.

01:46:46.000 And then I go out to L.A. for work.

01:46:48.000 But I really do feel that, like, you know, it's cool.

01:46:51.000 It would be cool to have, like, the third location, like a Costa Rica or something like that.

01:46:56.000 You know these comics who have, like, two weeks, like, they go to Italy or something like that?

01:47:00.000 I think that's really cool.

01:47:01.000 Yeah, I would like to do that, too.

01:47:03.000 Where would you pick?

01:47:03.000 What would be your third location?

01:47:05.000 Alaska.

01:47:06.000 Really?

01:47:06.000 Yeah.

01:47:08.000 Go to fucking Anchorage. 1.00

01:47:09.000 Get a fat spread outside of Anchorage. 1.00

01:47:12.000 Life below zero.

01:47:13.000 Yeah, but do in the summer.

01:47:16.000 Dude, first of all, it's light out all day.

01:47:18.000 It doesn't get dark.

01:47:20.000 Two o'clock in the morning, it's light out.

01:47:21.000 You're walking around, it's light out. 0.99

01:47:22.000 People are cool as fuck. 0.89

01:47:24.000 And if you wanted to be a place where you could hang out in the summer like a retreat, it's the best spot. 0.99

01:47:29.000 You couldn't come up with a better spot.

01:47:30.000 Yeah.

01:47:31.000 It is beautiful up there. 0.99

01:47:32.000 Oh, it's fucking, it's glorious. 1.00

01:47:35.000 Anchorage is glorious. 1.00

01:47:36.000 I can't wait to get back there.

01:47:37.000 I gotta schedule another gig.

01:47:38.000 I was there in July.

01:47:39.000 Fairbanks?

01:47:40.000 Yeah, I'm thinking of doing New Year's next year there.

01:47:42.000 Chill cute Charlies. 0.99

01:47:43.000 Flying on January.

01:47:45.000 Just come in guns blazing. 1.00

01:47:47.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:47:48.000 I love that show. 1.00

01:47:49.000 Five degrees below zero. 1.00

01:47:50.000 Gives a shit. 1.00

01:47:51.000 Life below zero. 1.00

01:47:51.000 No sunlight ever. 1.00

01:47:53.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:47:54.000 Guns blazing. 1.00

01:47:56.000 That is a good crowd.

01:47:58.000 Practice archery during the day.

01:48:00.000 Do shows at night.

01:48:01.000 That's the second archery reference you've made.

01:48:03.000 Catch fish with spears?

01:48:05.000 Really?

01:48:05.000 The second one?

01:48:06.000 In the beginning we were talking about archery, and I was wondering, do you do archery?

01:48:10.000 Yeah, yeah, but I've been doing it for a little while now, for a few months.

01:48:14.000 I guess it's about a year now.

01:48:16.000 Because I was just at a sporting goods store and like I was saying at the club, I go like, you know, they'll lock up guns, but like bow and arrows, that's still free range.

01:48:24.000 Free range!

01:48:25.000 It's like, you know, you bring in the daddy, bring your daughter in like, hey, you want to play Hunger Games?

01:48:29.000 Yeah, grab a bow and arrow.

01:48:31.000 Like they're just out there, you know, I think that's cool.

01:48:33.000 And they've got like some super cool bows now, you know.

01:48:36.000 Oh, that's what I said earlier.

01:48:37.000 I was talking about the archery range in the new studio.

01:48:40.000 Oh, in the club.

01:48:40.000 Yeah.

01:48:41.000 Yeah, you could go to a place, the place I went to, well, there's a great place in Springfield, Oregon, called the Bow Rack.

01:48:48.000 This guy's got this insane setup, and he tunes all my bows.

01:48:51.000 He tunes them up and then sends them down to me, but he's got an indoor range that also has some sort of a...

01:48:56.000 Pull it up, because it's kind of crazy.

01:48:58.000 It's like a 3D range where it's a video. 0.99

01:49:01.000 The video pops up, and you shoot arrows at animals and shit. 0.99

01:49:05.000 Oh, neat. 0.99

01:49:05.000 Okay. 0.99

01:49:06.000 The Bow Rack in Springfield, Oregon.

01:49:08.000 But I buy my arrows from that guy, too.

01:49:10.000 And from HuntressFriend.com, I buy them from them.

01:49:13.000 They make arrows for you.

01:49:15.000 Because you gotta... 0.99

01:49:16.000 Like, arrows, they get fucked up. 0.99

01:49:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:49:19.000 Some of them snap.

01:49:20.000 Sometimes you shoot an arrow into another arrow and they explode.

01:49:23.000 You Robin Hood them.

01:49:25.000 Otherwise, you know, they'll go through the target and hit the metal post behind the target and shatter.

01:49:30.000 Wow.

01:49:31.000 Yeah.

01:49:31.000 If you miss and hit a rock, they're doomed.

01:49:33.000 Oh, this is cool.

01:49:34.000 Is this going on right now?

01:49:36.000 Is this what it is?

01:49:36.000 What is this?

01:49:37.000 It just says archery 3D range.

01:49:39.000 No, no, no.

01:49:39.000 Go to the Bow Rack in Springfield, Oregon.

01:49:42.000 They have a website, and on the website they have a description of this whole thing that they do.

01:49:47.000 I don't know how they do it.

01:49:48.000 It's some sort of a game, and you shoot bows and arrows at these moving targets, like a big screen that you would shoot bows and arrows at like a video game.

01:49:56.000 I don't know how it works.

01:49:57.000 I wonder if in every one of these movies you see the flaming arrow.

01:50:01.000 I wonder if that really...

01:50:03.000 It's got to be some kind of tar or something they put on it, right?

01:50:05.000 It can't just be like... 1.00

01:50:07.000 He put some rags on that shit. 1.00

01:50:09.000 No, you'd have to have some gasoline-like. 1.00

01:50:10.000 That would be the worst.

01:50:12.000 Yeah.

01:50:12.000 When you see those...

01:50:14.000 In the movies.

01:50:15.000 Game of Thrones.

01:50:16.000 Yeah.

01:50:16.000 Dragon Breath, whatever it's called.

01:50:18.000 They did do it.

01:50:18.000 Yeah.

01:50:19.000 I mean, it seems to work in the movies all the time, but I don't remember me and my friends as kids trying to do that.

01:50:25.000 Yeah, find the...

01:50:26.000 It's in there somewhere.

01:50:27.000 Find it on the website.

01:50:28.000 Don't look under videos. 0.97

01:50:30.000 Look under whatever the fuck it is. 0.99

01:50:32.000 You'll find it. 0.99

01:50:33.000 You're smart.

01:50:33.000 I know you.

01:50:34.000 You could do it, kid.

01:50:36.000 But it's a fun way to clear your head.

01:50:38.000 Have you ever do it?

01:50:40.000 Like in the scouts, maybe.

01:50:41.000 I always thought that would be a cool thing to know how to do really well, like bow and arrow.

01:50:45.000 Yeah.

01:50:45.000 Well, it's fun.

01:50:47.000 It's like while you're doing it, trying to just locate that target and put an arrow in the target.

01:50:52.000 It's really odd.

01:50:53.000 It frees your mind. 0.96

01:50:55.000 And I think it probably connects us with some fucking ancient genetic memory of bows and arrows taking out animals. 0.95

01:51:03.000 What is the yardage of that? 0.98

01:51:05.000 Like, a football field?

01:51:06.000 Can you kill something in a football field? 0.76

01:51:07.000 You could, but it wouldn't be ethical. 0.96

01:51:10.000 Because the idea of you hitting it is not so good.

01:51:14.000 Oh, I understand.

01:51:14.000 But I'm saying, like, what's the range on a bow and arrow?

01:51:17.000 Like, you know, a slingshot, they usually say, like, 50 feet, whatever, 80 feet.

01:51:20.000 Well, okay.

01:51:21.000 I know of a guy who killed a deer at 140 yards with a bow and arrow.

01:51:25.000 Really?

01:51:26.000 Yeah.

01:51:26.000 Wow.

01:51:26.000 He's just this crazy archer.

01:51:29.000 And this was at this place in... 0.51

01:51:32.000 I forget the name of the archery pro shop in Orange County where this guy works out of.

01:51:39.000 I'll find it.

01:51:40.000 He's that good?

01:51:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:51:42.000 He's a real professional archer.

01:51:44.000 And it's like one of his pet tricks is that he can kill a deer at like over 100 yards, which is very rare.

01:51:50.000 Most shots you make if you're going to shoot a deer is like 20 yards.

01:51:54.000 40 yards is a fairly long shot.

01:51:56.000 There's a big difference between 20 and 40 yards.

01:51:59.000 With a rifle, it's nothing.

01:52:00.000 With a rifle, 40 yards is an easy shot.

01:52:02.000 But with a bow, it's very hard.

01:52:04.000 I figured.

01:52:05.000 And what about always that one shot you see in every movie where they get it through their calf and now they're limping?

01:52:11.000 That's like every movie there's always like, uh, uh, uh.

01:52:13.000 I got it in my calf, rip it out.

01:52:15.000 The reality is it would blow right through your leg.

01:52:18.000 Yeah, I can imagine.

01:52:19.000 Yeah, it blows through elks.

01:52:21.000 Like if you, like my friend Cameron Haynes, he's this famous bow hunter that's, you saw the picture of him in the front of that sight as he's pulling it up.

01:52:29.000 He blows holes through elk, like a 1,200-pound elk.

01:52:32.000 You shoot the arrow, it goes right through their body.

01:52:34.000 They call it a pass-through.

01:52:36.000 And what's the arrowhead?

01:52:38.000 Like, what is that?

01:52:38.000 It's a blade.

01:52:39.000 It's a series of three razor blades. 1.00

01:52:41.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:52:42.000 Yeah, they're called broadhead blades, and there's like three of them, and they're attached to this steel tip, and they just cut right through the animals. 1.00

01:52:49.000 Would that go through, like, would it go through armor?

01:52:51.000 No.

01:52:52.000 No, okay.

01:52:52.000 No, no, no.

01:52:53.000 That's amazing.

01:52:54.000 It would go through, you know, a sheet of metal.

01:52:57.000 Oh, neat.

01:52:58.000 A thin sheet of metal.

01:52:59.000 That is a cool skill to have, man.

01:53:00.000 Depends on how far away it is.

01:53:01.000 Yeah, well, it's a very challenging way to try to acquire your meat, if that's what you wanted to do.

01:53:08.000 Yeah.

01:53:08.000 If you wanted to just be a guy who's just...

01:53:09.000 Especially if you use, like, an old-school recurve bow.

01:53:11.000 There's dudes out there that hunt with old-school, like...

01:53:14.000 You know, no sights, just a longbow.

01:53:16.000 And they're shooting arrows into animals, and that's where they get all their meat from. 1.00

01:53:20.000 It's a pretty fucking caveman of you. 0.99

01:53:22.000 That's the real deal. 1.00

01:53:23.000 I mean...

01:53:24.000 Maybe that's your next show.

01:53:25.000 Maybe the crossbow.

01:53:26.000 That's like the kind of suburban guys, you know?

01:53:29.000 It's a little easier.

01:53:31.000 There's a lot of complaints about crossbows because they're allowing people to hunt with crossbows now during archery season in Wisconsin.

01:53:37.000 It's a big point of contention.

01:53:40.000 Yeah.

01:53:40.000 Because the regular archers know how difficult it is to get good with a bow and arrow.

01:53:43.000 But with a crossbow, all you have to do is point that bitch. 1.00

01:53:46.000 It's a gun. 1.00

01:53:47.000 Yeah, it's very similar to a gun.

01:53:48.000 The Walking Dead thing revitalized that whole love affair.

01:53:52.000 Yeah.

01:53:52.000 Everybody gets excited now about Daryl's crossbow.

01:53:56.000 That is it.

01:53:57.000 Yeah, the Walking Dead...

01:53:59.000 I can't believe how good that show got this season.

01:54:01.000 I thought it was going to die.

01:54:02.000 I thought it was over.

01:54:03.000 I was like, this show, I'm done with it.

01:54:05.000 But this season, it came back so strong.

01:54:07.000 It's like they just revitalized it.

01:54:09.000 They figured out what they did wrong.

01:54:10.000 Yeah, that is...

01:54:11.000 I never read the novel, the graphic novel or anything like that, but it is definitely riveting, you know?

01:54:15.000 I never read the graphic novel because it doesn't exist. 0.99

01:54:17.000 It's a fucking comic book. 0.99

01:54:19.000 Oh, sorry. 1.00

01:54:19.000 Dorks. 1.00

01:54:19.000 I was trying to be, uh... 1.00

01:54:20.000 Graphic novel.

01:54:21.000 I was trying to, uh...

01:54:22.000 I'm tired of the people saying the graphic novel. 0.99

01:54:23.000 You know what the fuck that is, son. 0.99

01:54:25.000 Do they talk in little bubbles? 1.00

01:54:26.000 Yeah, that's called a comic book.

01:54:27.000 But it's like a $30 comic book.

01:54:30.000 That's a lot of out of my paper route.

01:54:32.000 Ha ha ha!

01:54:33.000 If you put it in little kid money, that's a lot of saving up at the lemonade stand.

01:54:37.000 Well, I used to love those, the old school ones.

01:54:40.000 There used to be these big ones called Creepy and Eerie.

01:54:42.000 Do you remember those?

01:54:43.000 They were really good drawings in black and white.

01:54:46.000 And, you know, they were kind of like graphic novels, too.

01:54:48.000 That was definitely like the heavy metal years.

01:54:51.000 Yeah.

01:54:51.000 Like that kind of year.

01:54:52.000 Oh, yeah.

01:54:52.000 Heavy metal.

01:54:53.000 Remember the heavy metal comic books?

01:54:55.000 It was a magazine.

01:54:56.000 Yep.

01:54:57.000 And it was like, it was like, it was like porn light because they had all those cool chicks in it. 1.00

01:55:00.000 And then it had like the, the cool, like, you know, trippy shit. 1.00

01:55:04.000 Did they have tits? 1.00

01:55:05.000 Did they show porn tits? 1.00

01:55:06.000 They would show like those, like, you know, whatever, those like, you know, savage princesses. 1.00

01:55:09.000 Yeah.

01:55:09.000 You know, fights and all that kind of stuff.

01:55:12.000 Yeah.

01:55:13.000 That's right.

01:55:14.000 Remember the movie?

01:55:15.000 Remember Heavy Metal, the movie?

01:55:16.000 Yes.

01:55:17.000 Do you remember that?

01:55:18.000 Yeah, my friend worked on it.

01:55:19.000 Her mom did the scene with the Corvette, Rita Lux, with the hot chick and the Corvette. 1.00

01:55:24.000 Pull some of that up.

01:55:25.000 I don't even remember that.

01:55:28.000 Wow.

01:55:29.000 There was a time where they were making animated adult movies.

01:55:33.000 Do you remember Wizards?

01:55:34.000 Yeah.

01:55:35.000 Do you remember Wizards?

01:55:36.000 Yes.

01:55:36.000 I just saw that recently.

01:55:37.000 It was a great fucking... 0.98

01:55:38.000 For the longest time, I had a Wizards poster. 0.99

01:55:42.000 That was like a big message movie, you know, about like war and like, you know, music, whatever.

01:55:47.000 But that's the one where they had like the Hitler speeches would create evil. 0.73

01:55:51.000 And then the other, yeah, I recently just saw it.

01:55:54.000 Probably that was like one of those things that's like on the, you know, like weird on demand scrolls.

01:55:58.000 I haven't seen it in forever, but now I want to see it.

01:56:00.000 Yeah.

01:56:01.000 That's crazy.

01:56:02.000 Isn't it weird how there's memories that you normally can't access, but all of a sudden you go down a road and you're like, oh, what is this?

01:56:08.000 You find it on the ground.

01:56:09.000 Oh, Wizards!

01:56:11.000 I love it.

01:56:11.000 Whoa!

01:56:12.000 You know, it's like, if you had asked me, you know, there was an animated film, it was from the 1970s, and you'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.72

01:56:20.000 Like, normally without going down this road, I would never have access to that map.

01:56:24.000 But we're going down the heavy metal road.

01:56:26.000 As soon as you, you know, we went from creepy and eerie to heavy metal.

01:56:29.000 Heavy metal.

01:56:29.000 To heavy metal the movie.

01:56:30.000 Right.

01:56:30.000 Animated movies for adults.

01:56:32.000 And then boom, wizards.

01:56:33.000 Beyond the future.

01:56:35.000 To a universe you've never seen before.

01:56:37.000 This is definitely it.

01:56:39.000 Wow.

01:56:40.000 Yeah, this is it.

01:56:41.000 It looks great.

01:56:42.000 They used a different kind of form of animation where they actually drew over real stuff.

01:56:47.000 So that's why the people look kind of weird and realistic.

01:56:50.000 They just drew over live action.

01:56:54.000 This is incredible.

01:57:00.000 I need to watch this movie again, too.

01:57:02.000 I saw this in the movie theater.

01:57:04.000 This is a big midnight show.

01:57:06.000 Yeah.

01:57:06.000 No, I saw Wizards in the movie theater, too.

01:57:09.000 Oh.

01:57:12.000 Wow, this is wild.

01:57:14.000 Good landing, man.

01:57:17.000 This is what year, Brian?

01:57:19.000 It's the 80s, right?

01:57:21.000 Yeah.

01:57:22.000 The 80s.

01:57:23.000 81. Wow.

01:57:25.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:57:26.000 This was my freshman year of high school. 0.99

01:57:28.000 This is it.

01:57:29.000 Yeah, this scene.

01:57:30.000 Hand over your cash.

01:57:31.000 They used...

01:57:32.000 Really?

01:57:32.000 They drew...

01:57:33.000 Oh, that's right.

01:57:34.000 He cooked the guy.

01:57:35.000 Yeah, they used something called rotoscoping, where that's actually a guy underneath there acting.

01:57:40.000 Wow. 0.96

01:57:41.000 Of sexual fantasies. 0.99

01:57:43.000 Boy, the voiceover's awful. 1.00

01:57:44.000 Look at those tits. 1.00

01:57:46.000 Yeah, this is it. 1.00

01:57:46.000 What a good kid. 1.00

01:57:49.000 Everybody's so def... 0.99

01:57:50.000 That was before fake tits. 1.00

01:57:52.000 Those are real, son. 0.99

01:57:55.000 Harry?

01:57:58.000 Can I speak with you? 0.98

01:57:59.000 Oh, this is all porn. 0.98

01:58:02.000 That's what it was. 0.97

01:58:02.000 That was great. 0.97

01:58:03.000 They tricked you.

01:58:04.000 It was every guy's fantasy.

01:58:06.000 It was just enough. 0.97

01:58:06.000 Spaceships and tits. 0.97

01:58:08.000 Just enough when you're 16. Yeah, wow. 0.99

01:58:11.000 Spaceships and tits. 0.99

01:58:12.000 That was the working title. 1.00

01:58:13.000 What a great fucking movie. 1.00

01:58:15.000 Play that. 1.00

01:58:15.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:58:16.000 This is in the movie preview, though, I guess.

01:58:18.000 You can't play it.

01:58:19.000 This is the best.

01:58:20.000 It's all vignettes, you know?

01:58:22.000 So this is the one where she fights the evil on that weird bird.

01:58:25.000 Yeah.

01:58:26.000 This was Game of Thrones before Game of Thrones.

01:58:29.000 Oh.

01:58:30.000 Ha ha ha.

01:58:32.000 And there was that weird theme song too, right?

01:58:36.000 Wow, this is incredible to see.

01:58:38.000 This is great.

01:58:40.000 1981. South Park remade of this.

01:58:43.000 It was probably one of the best episodes ever.

01:58:46.000 Wow.

01:58:46.000 That was with the cat piss, right?

01:58:48.000 Where they go into the crazy universe.

01:58:50.000 I have two must-see things now.

01:58:52.000 That and Wizards.

01:58:54.000 Pull up Wizards.

01:58:55.000 Robert Bakshi?

01:58:56.000 Is that what the guy's name was?

01:58:59.000 Wizard has a lot of message to it.

01:59:01.000 Yeah, I don't really remember the message, but that was even before Heavy Metal.

01:59:05.000 I saw Wizards with my stepdad when I was like, that ain't it.

01:59:08.000 That's the South Park version.

01:59:09.000 See, this is South Park.

01:59:10.000 Kenny gets high on cat piss.

01:59:12.000 It's really funny.

01:59:14.000 The Heavy Metal world.

01:59:15.000 Right into the movie.

01:59:19.000 That's the song.

01:59:19.000 Yeah, that's the song.

01:59:23.000 Oh, this is amazing!

01:59:27.000 Wow.

01:59:29.000 This is for the people listening.

01:59:31.000 This is just something you need to watch on YouTube.

01:59:35.000 That's a convertible Trans Amson with the eagle on the hood.

01:59:38.000 The real one.

01:59:39.000 The Burt Reynolds one.

01:59:41.000 They sold one of those on that show Fast and Loud.

01:59:44.000 You ever see that show Fast and Loud?

01:59:45.000 Yes.

01:59:46.000 The car show.

01:59:47.000 They actually have one like that?

01:59:48.000 They sold a real, old-school Burt Reynolds smoking the band of Trans Am.

01:59:53.000 And Burt Reynolds signed it.

01:59:54.000 He signed the dash.

01:59:55.000 They flew down to Florida and met him at his house and held the dashboard out for him and he signed it for them.

02:00:01.000 It's pretty cool.

02:00:02.000 Would he be one of your ultimate guests, you think?

02:00:05.000 Burt Reynolds?

02:00:06.000 Yeah.

02:00:06.000 He's hurting these days, man.

02:00:08.000 He had a lot of physical pain.

02:00:10.000 If you see him, he's bent over and he walks with a cane.

02:00:13.000 He's really hunched over.

02:00:15.000 Yeah, but it would be cool to get him...

02:00:16.000 Really, if he would want to come in, I think that would be a great guest.

02:00:19.000 He would definitely be a great guest, but I feel like...

02:00:23.000 I mean, I would really have to talk to him to try to figure that out.

02:00:26.000 See if he's okay.

02:00:27.000 Yeah.

02:00:27.000 I feel like someone who's...

02:00:29.000 I mean, when I saw him on Fast and Loud, see if he can pull it up, Brian, because it's crazy to see.

02:00:33.000 Yeah, we showed that.

02:00:34.000 Oh, we did show that.

02:00:34.000 That's right.

02:00:35.000 He's so hunched over that it looks like the guy's in agony.

02:00:39.000 Oh, I'm sorry. 0.99

02:00:39.000 I wouldn't want to have a, you know, tell me about Sally Field's pussy story. 0.99

02:00:42.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:00:43.000 You know what I mean?

02:00:44.000 What I liked about Burt Reynolds, not only was he the ultimate sex god, whatever kind of dude, whatever that was, but he also was another guy who directed.

02:00:55.000 He was one of those guys, he crossed over to be the director really early on.

02:00:59.000 I think he was a franchise guy, like Smokey and the Bandit or whatever it was.

02:01:04.000 He made that jump because he was that big a star.

02:01:08.000 So he was like one of the last big stars who could do whatever he wanted.

02:01:11.000 He was a pretty huge star. 0.99

02:01:12.000 He was an awesome fucking actor, man. 0.99

02:01:14.000 I mean, people only know him from the Smoking the Bandit days or some of the other crazy shit that he did, but he'd go way back to fucking Deliverance, man. 0.99

02:01:21.000 Remember, in Deliverance, he used a bow and arrow to shoot that dude. 0.99

02:01:24.000 See?

02:01:24.000 Full circle.

02:01:25.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

02:01:27.000 Bring it on back to bows and arrows. 1.00

02:01:29.000 Yeah, there he is.

02:01:30.000 Poor guy.

02:01:31.000 He still looks pretty good.

02:01:32.000 Oh, look at that, man.

02:01:33.000 See his posture?

02:01:35.000 That's so hard to see.

02:01:37.000 He was a football player, man.

02:01:38.000 Yeah.

02:01:38.000 The guy was a stud.

02:01:40.000 To see him this broken down, bent knees, walking with a cane, probably in real agony there.

02:01:46.000 That doesn't look like... 0.99

02:01:47.000 I wouldn't want to be on a fucking podcast if I looked like that. 0.98

02:01:50.000 And I don't think he leaves Florida either. 0.99

02:01:51.000 I think he just chills.

02:01:52.000 Right.

02:01:54.000 It's rough seeing your hero slowly rot away before your eyes, David Tell.

02:01:57.000 Exactly.

02:01:58.000 Is this Wizards?

02:01:59.000 Yeah, this is Wizards.

02:01:59.000 It's also filmed the same way using rotoscoping, which is real actors underneath these people.

02:02:05.000 How did they get real goblins?

02:02:07.000 Well, that you can tell right there, that is.

02:02:08.000 You can tell the motions.

02:02:09.000 There's some scary moments in this one, by the way. 0.99

02:02:11.000 It's a good fucking movie, man. 0.99

02:02:13.000 It was fun. 0.99

02:02:14.000 When you're a little kid, you're like, what's happening here?

02:02:16.000 What's going on?

02:02:17.000 What's it like one guy was the good guy and the other guy's brother was evil?

02:02:21.000 Yeah, the good wizard and then the bad one.

02:02:24.000 Wow.

02:02:30.000 He's a Brooklyn wizard.

02:02:41.000 Wow.

02:02:42.000 Wow.

02:02:45.000 Wow.

02:02:52.000 And war.

02:02:53.000 Wow, this is wild.

02:02:56.000 And sends out his muted armies in a reign of unimaginable terror.

02:03:01.000 Those are the good people, but little elves. 1.00

02:03:06.000 More tits! 1.00

02:03:07.000 They were free in the 70s. 0.99

02:03:11.000 What year was this, Brian?

02:03:20.000 87?

02:03:21.000 Really?

02:03:22.000 No.

02:03:23.000 Wow, that's cool that it's later.

02:03:25.000 No, I don't know.

02:03:25.000 No, no, no.

02:03:27.000 Yeah, I'll find out.

02:03:29.000 1977?

02:03:30.000 That makes sense.

02:03:32.000 Yeah, because I was...

02:03:32.000 I saw it when I was really young.

02:03:34.000 I remember that.

02:03:35.000 I guess I was 10. That's crazy.

02:03:39.000 We're good to go.

02:03:58.000 So it was almost like their alternative was to go artistic and make this fantasy world through all drawing and animation and, you know, ways where you didn't have to totally make it real.

02:04:07.000 You could still enjoy it.

02:04:09.000 Instead of having it be, you know, like, if you went back to, like, really shitty, like, old school King Kong, like, King Kong from the 30s animation, Oh, yes.

02:04:19.000 That's kind of what they had from those days.

02:04:21.000 But I love that really old, old animation with the steamboat Willie.

02:04:25.000 I like where it's like ink, just all black and white.

02:04:28.000 I like that.

02:04:29.000 I like that.

02:04:30.000 It's like an amazing drawing, you know?

02:04:32.000 Do you ever see those guys do those stop-motion claymation things that they used to do for King Kong?

02:04:37.000 Yes!

02:04:37.000 And they used to do each frame, move it a little, each frame, move it a little.

02:04:41.000 What was his name?

02:04:42.000 Ray Harryhausen?

02:04:43.000 Is that what the guy's name was?

02:04:44.000 I don't know.

02:04:46.000 Did you ever see The Wizard?

02:04:47.000 What's The Wizard?

02:04:48.000 Not The Wizards, but The Wizard.

02:04:49.000 That's maybe you should check out.

02:04:51.000 Here's one of the best clips from it ever.

02:04:54.000 The Wizard?

02:04:56.000 This date's...

02:04:56.000 Look how cheesy.

02:04:58.000 You The Wizard?

02:05:00.000 No, he is.

02:05:04.000 This guy?

02:05:05.000 I don't get it.

02:05:06.000 Is he like a poster child for someone?

02:05:09.000 For your information, butthead, he's headed for the video championships in Los Angeles.

02:05:15.000 Oh.

02:05:15.000 Remember this?

02:05:16.000 No!

02:05:17.000 Well, he's just a really good video game player.

02:05:18.000 Is that right?

02:05:18.000 Yeah, this is when video games first came out.

02:05:21.000 Wow.

02:05:22.000 So what year is this?

02:05:23.000 This is 89. Pick any game you want.

02:05:27.000 But watch this.

02:05:28.000 I'm good at all of them.

02:05:30.000 I have 97 of them.

02:05:32.000 Wow.

02:05:32.000 You know all 97 of them?

02:05:40.000 Remember the power glove?

02:05:41.000 You had a power glove?

02:05:43.000 For a video game?

02:05:44.000 I don't remember any of this.

02:05:45.000 They actually used to sell this.

02:05:46.000 No way.

02:05:47.000 Yeah, it was horrible though.

02:05:49.000 What was it for?

02:05:50.000 You used to be able to control certain video games with it, but it was really poorly designed.

02:05:55.000 This is hilarious.

02:05:56.000 He plays a game called, I think, Rad Racer or something like that.

02:05:59.000 What year was this?

02:06:00.000 Narco-trafficker. 0.95

02:06:02.000 89, 87. So this guy's hooking the console up to the TV. A big giant TV, I should add.

02:06:09.000 TV looks like a house.

02:06:10.000 Watch this.

02:06:12.000 Road racer.

02:06:14.000 So he's choosing everything with his glove.

02:06:17.000 Wow, look at the graphics.

02:06:19.000 Oh my god, this is hilarious.

02:06:21.000 Your GPS is more exciting now than that.

02:06:23.000 They're all getting intimidated.

02:06:25.000 Look at this.

02:06:26.000 They're intimidated.

02:06:29.000 This kid is steering with his glove and everyone's getting intimidated.

02:06:33.000 He's the best!

02:06:34.000 He's the best I've ever seen!

02:06:38.000 That's the Wonder Kid guy.

02:06:42.000 He's like dead now, right?

02:06:43.000 How old is he?

02:06:44.000 Is he dead?

02:06:45.000 No, he's not dead.

02:06:47.000 But how old is he now?

02:06:48.000 I don't know.

02:06:50.000 But back then, everyone was shitting themselves when they saw this, you know?

02:06:53.000 Yeah, this is incredible.

02:06:55.000 This guy's steering.

02:06:57.000 And the music, the inspirational music.

02:06:59.000 Oh my god.

02:07:00.000 It's the best part.

02:07:02.000 Jeez.

02:07:07.000 I love the power glove.

02:07:09.000 It's so bad. 1.00

02:07:11.000 Whoa, he puts it right up his ass. 1.00

02:07:13.000 You know he does. 1.00

02:07:14.000 Just keep your power gloves off her, pal. 1.00

02:07:17.000 Ah, there you go, Fred.

02:07:18.000 There you go, Fred.

02:07:19.000 Wow.

02:07:20.000 Wow.

02:07:21.000 That's gross.

02:07:23.000 The guy's name was Willis O'Brien.

02:07:25.000 He was the one who did the stop-motion animation.

02:07:28.000 In 1933. 1933 King Kong.

02:07:32.000 Have you seen the trailer for Godzilla?

02:07:34.000 Yeah, the new one. 0.98

02:07:35.000 Fucking looks awesome. 0.99

02:07:37.000 I haven't seen it. 0.99

02:07:38.000 Do you watch old school movies, Dave?

02:07:39.000 Yeah, I do.

02:07:40.000 Do you ever watch old school movies and imagine trying to live in that time?

02:07:43.000 Yes.

02:07:44.000 Do you?

02:07:45.000 Yeah, I always like it better.

02:07:47.000 Although, there's some place, sometimes I would never, like the Colonial Times, I find that the most boring times ever.

02:07:52.000 That movie, that new show, Turn, it's like spies and Colonial Times, who cares?

02:07:57.000 What is it?

02:07:57.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

02:07:58.000 Oh, okay, well, it's like Revolutionary War era spy ring, you know, the Americans, but they have great dialogue.

02:08:04.000 It's like, you have to leave, you have to get to Delaware!

02:08:07.000 You know, it's like all local stuff that you can get there on a bus ride now, but it's like, I don't know, it's going to take me three days to get to Jersey.

02:08:13.000 And then, you know, like, they're a colonial spy, so it's, like, boring.

02:08:19.000 But, you know, it's, like, educational.

02:08:21.000 So that's the big show.

02:08:22.000 Now on, in between Walking Dead seasons.

02:08:24.000 It's on AMC. Yeah, if you're going to go back through time, you want to go like Cowboys and Indians is a good era.

02:08:29.000 Yeah, fun time.

02:08:30.000 That's a good time.

02:08:31.000 Way deep, you want to go like, you know.

02:08:33.000 Medieval times.

02:08:34.000 Medieval times.

02:08:35.000 Roman times.

02:08:36.000 Gladiator times.

02:08:37.000 Colonial times, not much. 0.97

02:08:39.000 Colonial times is probably pretty fucking boring. 0.91

02:08:40.000 I'm not interested. 0.96

02:08:41.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:08:42.000 I'm telling you right now.

02:08:43.000 Yeah, what a bad choice.

02:08:44.000 Well, but it's all like, you know, they're spies, so it's like weird stuff.

02:08:47.000 Like they'll write like the guy's name on an egg.

02:08:49.000 You know, but it's colonial times.

02:08:51.000 You know what's interesting?

02:08:51.000 They'll never have a show on Civil War.

02:08:53.000 What are you talking about?

02:08:54.000 Oh, uh...

02:08:55.000 Like a Civil War show, where they show, like, they follow around the South, follow the soldiers around.

02:09:00.000 Make it a commie.

02:09:00.000 The people were fighting for slavery.

02:09:02.000 Oh, those guys.

02:09:03.000 You know, they...

02:09:04.000 Like, in the old days, the Hogan Heroes days, they could make a... 0.99

02:09:07.000 They had a show about the goddamn Holocaust. 0.98

02:09:09.000 Yeah, yeah, they did. 0.99

02:09:09.000 I mean, it was a sitcom about... 0.99

02:09:11.000 A concentration camp in Germany. 1.00

02:09:13.000 American soldiers who were always tricking those dumb Germans. 0.99

02:09:17.000 But Klink was one of the stars. 0.99

02:09:20.000 You know, Colonel Kurtz, he was one of the stars.

02:09:22.000 No, Colonel Klink and Schultz.

02:09:24.000 Schultz was one of the stars.

02:09:25.000 They were stars. 0.97

02:09:26.000 He's German, and they were buffoons. 1.00

02:09:27.000 Did Hitler ever come on the show? 0.61

02:09:29.000 Was he ever a part of the show?

02:09:30.000 They would have him drive, like, be like, the Fuhrer's in that car, and, like, you'd never see him, and they would zig-heil the car, and then he would, like, go out.

02:09:37.000 I thought that was an excellent move.

02:09:39.000 Like, you never really get to see him.

02:09:40.000 But Hogan was always well fed.

02:09:42.000 He always looked fine.

02:09:43.000 Yeah, because he's always tricking them.

02:09:44.000 He's always tricking them. 0.99

02:09:46.000 That was a ridiculous show. 0.93

02:09:47.000 Could you imagine someone pitching a show like that today? 0.97

02:09:50.000 Well, this was the season finale.

02:09:52.000 It didn't end good, did it?

02:09:54.000 Was there a season finale?

02:09:55.000 They just all died?

02:09:56.000 Yeah, they all got gassed.

02:09:59.000 The joke is on you, Hogan.

02:10:02.000 The end of the show's series is 30 years after the fact.

02:10:06.000 Some guy's a Holocaust denier and he's mocking it all.

02:10:08.000 And then they fade to black. 1.00

02:10:12.000 That's some weird fucking thinking. 1.00

02:10:14.000 Holocaust deniers? 1.00

02:10:16.000 I've had some people send me videos.

02:10:18.000 Just watch this with an open mind.

02:10:20.000 Not really going to do that.

02:10:22.000 Do you think they could ever do a sitcom, you know, like a comedy with Hitler, like Hitler Knows Best, where he's married or something? 0.52

02:10:28.000 Didn't they try and do that in England?

02:10:30.000 Because they usually have coolers.

02:10:32.000 Up until recently, their TV was way ahead of us.

02:10:34.000 But wasn't it where Hitler had retired and he was living in England? 0.83

02:10:39.000 It was like an 80s show, I believe.

02:10:40.000 Really?

02:10:41.000 Yeah.

02:10:41.000 Do you remember Mel Brooks' Springtime for Hitler?

02:10:43.000 Yeah, it was something like that.

02:10:45.000 Do you know that story?

02:10:46.000 No, what is it?

02:10:47.000 One of his movies.

02:10:48.000 What was the movie?

02:10:49.000 Do you remember the movie?

02:10:50.000 The Producers.

02:10:51.000 The Producers of Springtime for Hitler. 0.91

02:10:53.000 He had all this money that he was trying to make, for whatever reason, trying to make this Broadway musical fail.

02:11:00.000 He was trying to make the worst Broadway musical ever.

02:11:02.000 So he made Springtime for Hitler. 0.97

02:11:05.000 The idea was that it would be a musical about Hitler, but people loved it.

02:11:09.000 It became like a smash hit.

02:11:11.000 I think it's called Hail Honey, I'm Home.

02:11:14.000 Yeah, Hail Honey, I'm Home.

02:11:16.000 That's it.

02:11:16.000 What?

02:11:17.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

02:11:19.000 I gotta see the opening things. 0.99

02:11:20.000 Hail Honey, I'm Home.

02:11:21.000 Under the billing, not so much a sitcom, more of a hit con.

02:11:24.000 Unfortunately, neither Brendan nor the series were heard of again until now.

02:11:27.000 A chance discovery in a Burbank backlog has revealed the lost tapes in Burbank, not my house.

02:11:33.000 Heil, honey, I'm home.

02:11:34.000 Tapes that we believe vindicate Brandon's unsung comic vision.

02:11:38.000 Wow.

02:11:39.000 Okay, let's see what the opening...

02:11:40.000 I gotta see the opening show.

02:11:44.000 Heil, honey, I'm home.

02:11:46.000 Oh my god.

02:11:47.000 Yeah.

02:11:49.000 Dude, this isn't real.

02:11:50.000 Heil, honey, I'm home!

02:11:53.000 I don't believe this at all.

02:11:54.000 No, this is...

02:11:55.000 Yeah, I'm not sure if this is...

02:11:56.000 This is a parody.

02:11:57.000 Heil, honey, me!

02:11:58.000 What did I do now?

02:12:01.000 Oh, tonight you were making schnitzel! 1.00

02:12:03.000 What a jerk! 1.00

02:12:05.000 You must be real mad at me, honey. 1.00

02:12:07.000 I'm a very, very bad Hitler. 0.86

02:12:10.000 Come here, baby. 0.99

02:12:11.000 Don't touch me!

02:12:13.000 You've been late for your dinner every night this week!

02:12:15.000 Ava, babe, please! 1.00

02:12:18.000 I'm the Führer.

02:12:20.000 I'm a busy man.

02:12:21.000 I can't just walk off the job at 5 o'clock.

02:12:24.000 On Monday, you had to meet with Goebbels.

02:12:26.000 On Tuesday, von Ribbentrop.

02:12:28.000 On Wednesday, Klaus Katzenjammer.

02:12:31.000 Who's Klaus Katzenjammer?

02:12:33.000 He's my tailor.

02:12:34.000 You should see the tux, honey.

02:12:35.000 You see, everyone's more important than Ava.

02:12:38.000 Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Schicklegruber.

02:12:42.000 You may be big stuff in Germany, but I knew you when you were just a house painter!

02:12:48.000 Wow.

02:12:49.000 Oh my god.

02:12:49.000 They're almost out of Hitler jokes.

02:12:51.000 Oh my god, that is awful.

02:12:52.000 They're almost out of all the Hitler jokes, and it's like two minutes in.

02:12:55.000 That doesn't even seem real.

02:12:56.000 Yeah, I don't think that's what I... I think that there was something else, like the English version, because that seems like that was just done a couple years ago.

02:13:04.000 That seems like it was just...

02:13:05.000 Like, a sketch.

02:13:06.000 I guess it's, uh, it is home.

02:13:09.000 It is real.

02:13:09.000 Is it from England?

02:13:10.000 They did seven episodes?

02:13:12.000 Is that what it says?

02:13:12.000 One aired and seven unaired episodes.

02:13:15.000 Why is it seven?

02:13:16.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:13:17.000 Seven unaired.

02:13:20.000 Yeah, but it's cool that they gave it a shot.

02:13:24.000 It says it was after one episode aired.

02:13:27.000 They canceled it immediately.

02:13:28.000 They found the tapes in Burbank.

02:13:31.000 That's funny.

02:13:32.000 Yeah, of course they canceled it.

02:13:33.000 And the guy who made it?

02:13:34.000 What happened to him?

02:13:35.000 He's dead.

02:13:36.000 They ate him. 0.97

02:13:36.000 They ate him in a Jewish ceremony. 0.97

02:13:39.000 I don't know.

02:13:39.000 Could you imagine pitching that to the network?

02:13:41.000 It's balls. 1.00

02:13:42.000 It's just so stupid. 1.00

02:13:44.000 And then not having any jokes to go with it? 1.00

02:13:46.000 I know.

02:13:48.000 You'd have to have some really good stuff to go with it.

02:13:50.000 I bet Trey Parker and Matt Stone could do it.

02:13:52.000 Remember when they did that George Bush show?

02:13:54.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:13:54.000 That was pretty fucking funny. 0.97

02:13:56.000 That's my Bush. 0.99

02:13:57.000 That show wasn't that good.

02:13:58.000 I liked it.

02:13:59.000 I didn't think it was that good.

02:14:02.000 Don't pull it up.

02:14:05.000 I just didn't think it was...

02:14:07.000 I think their best stuff...

02:14:09.000 I was going to say their best stuff doesn't have real people, but I like the Mormon musical.

02:14:14.000 That thing rocks. 0.56

02:14:15.000 I can't even get tickets for that.

02:14:16.000 That's sold out for a year or something.

02:14:19.000 Is it really?

02:14:19.000 It's really that successful, yeah.

02:14:21.000 Yeah, I saw it early on.

02:14:22.000 It's really funny, man.

02:14:23.000 Somebody said that, like, that's one of the only adult shows on Broadway.

02:14:27.000 Like, Broadway used to be, like, you know, you and your mistress. 0.78

02:14:29.000 You go out and you see, like, you know, whatever, Sammy Davis Jr. and, like, you know, crazy, like, adult stuff.

02:14:36.000 Then it became all kidified, very Disney, you know?

02:14:39.000 These shows now are, like, all about, like, just, like, singing tunes you already know, you know?

02:14:44.000 And that's, like, an original concept, and it's really cool.

02:14:48.000 It's supposedly really dark and funny, so...

02:14:50.000 Well, it's probably the first one of those...

02:14:53.000 Whose phone is it?

02:14:55.000 That's mine.

02:14:56.000 It'll go on if I keep turning it off.

02:14:58.000 You still have a flip phone.

02:15:01.000 Yep.

02:15:01.000 Oh, my God.

02:15:03.000 Yeah.

02:15:03.000 What year did you buy that phone?

02:15:04.000 When did Heavy Metal come out?

02:15:07.000 Do you print out directions still?

02:15:08.000 Yeah, I do.

02:15:10.000 Why do you still have a phone like that?

02:15:11.000 I just like it.

02:15:12.000 I like having a burner on me.

02:15:14.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:15:14.000 A burner you throw in the ocean with shit in the cup? 0.99

02:15:17.000 When the fuzz closes in. 0.99

02:15:20.000 It's a great...

02:15:21.000 It's a conversation starter.

02:15:24.000 It's like, what is that?

02:15:25.000 They pull it out in front of chicks, and they go, oh, Dave, you're so eccentric.

02:15:28.000 Oh, Grandpa.

02:15:30.000 You're so eccentric.

02:15:32.000 Yeah, I was at a...

02:15:33.000 Do you guys mind if I have a cigarette?

02:15:36.000 Yeah, you can have a cigarette.

02:15:38.000 You can have a cigarette here.

02:15:39.000 We'll turn the fan on.

02:15:40.000 Okay.

02:15:40.000 But don't fire one up as well, Brian.

02:15:43.000 It's torture. 0.98

02:15:44.000 It's disgusting for your body.

02:15:46.000 You need to quit, David Tell. 0.84

02:15:48.000 You know what?

02:15:49.000 I totally agree with you now because...

02:15:51.000 How do you handle stress?

02:15:53.000 You work out a lot, right?

02:15:54.000 But when you're stressed, you find that's when you grab for the cigarette or whatever, like the drink or something.

02:16:01.000 What do you do?

02:16:02.000 Well, look, everybody experiences stress.

02:16:05.000 It's just a matter of if you can, if you have the time, exercise to me is always the best way to manage the whole thing.

02:16:13.000 Right.

02:16:13.000 You have a filter on there like Hunter S. Thompson?

02:16:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:16:15.000 Look at you, sexy bitch. 1.00

02:16:17.000 What's that for? 1.00

02:16:17.000 It's supposed to keep you alive another couple weeks? 1.00

02:16:19.000 No, you get to see the tour coming out.

02:16:20.000 I like that.

02:16:21.000 There's something about it.

02:16:22.000 I find that it's cool.

02:16:23.000 Like I'm pulling for it.

02:16:24.000 No, I definitely think that taking care of your body helps mitigate a lot of the stress that everybody feels, especially when you do a lot of things like I do and travel a lot like I do.

02:16:34.000 You're involved in a lot of different things.

02:16:36.000 A lot of plates are spinning.

02:16:38.000 There's a lot of thinking.

02:16:39.000 Yeah, well, that's why I feel like I started doing some kettlebells and something like that, and I immediately felt horrible, but then I started feeling better just because it really is like a stress reliever, but nothing beats cigarettes.

02:16:53.000 I'm sorry.

02:16:53.000 I think he'll crack me up.

02:16:54.000 Will you blow it on me?

02:16:55.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:16:56.000 Well, I know.

02:16:56.000 This is a long run, dude.

02:16:58.000 It's just terrible for everybody else in the room.

02:17:00.000 But you guys love it so much.

02:17:01.000 What are you talking about?

02:17:02.000 You sacrifice for everybody else in the room. 1.00

02:17:05.000 Alright, I feel like a dick. 0.99

02:17:06.000 But it's amazing. 0.99

02:17:07.000 It's amazing that cigarette people are like that.

02:17:10.000 You love it so much.

02:17:11.000 It's so important to you. 0.93

02:17:12.000 You want everybody else to suck in the smoky air in this 20-foot room. 0.89

02:17:18.000 I mean, I gave you the green light. 0.97

02:17:20.000 It's all good.

02:17:21.000 We've got to get Adam to come over here and build a filtration system.

02:17:23.000 Well, we have a filter behind you.

02:17:25.000 That's what it's for.

02:17:25.000 Oh, really?

02:17:26.000 From when Dice was here!

02:17:27.000 Oh! 0.60

02:17:28.000 I wonder how much he smokes today.

02:17:30.000 I don't think he smokes anymore.

02:17:32.000 Smokes.

02:17:32.000 I thought he quit.

02:17:33.000 Smokes.

02:17:33.000 Smokes again.

02:17:34.000 I give it up.

02:17:35.000 Oh! 0.60

02:17:36.000 I gave it up and then I gave up giving up.

02:17:39.000 Oh! 0.60

02:17:39.000 David, have you tried doing the electronic cigarettes? 0.60

02:17:42.000 I'm not doing that.

02:17:43.000 Look at that.

02:17:44.000 It's huge.

02:17:44.000 Are you going to walk around with that wizard wand?

02:17:47.000 But you can do this in a hotel room.

02:17:49.000 You can do this in a restaurant.

02:17:52.000 I bet you no.

02:17:53.000 In a year from now, they'll say no.

02:17:55.000 You like the whole thing.

02:17:55.000 You like the smell.

02:17:56.000 I love the smell of it.

02:17:57.000 You like the whole deal.

02:17:58.000 What do you like about it?

02:18:00.000 When you light up, what are you feeling?

02:18:01.000 I like that it smells like death.

02:18:04.000 It's just pure waste.

02:18:07.000 Do you worry about your health?

02:18:09.000 I could care less at this point.

02:18:10.000 No, I do.

02:18:12.000 Well, could care less is the wrong.

02:18:13.000 You know that.

02:18:14.000 No, but I'm just saying that, like, the whole idea with the cigarette is that, you know...

02:18:19.000 They'll do these things, right?

02:18:21.000 They'll do this thing, and then, of course, somebody won't like that, and then it'll be easy to jump on that.

02:18:25.000 You mean the electronic cigarette?

02:18:26.000 The electronic cigarette, you know?

02:18:27.000 Right.

02:18:27.000 But it's like, do you understand that people are doing electronic cigarette because they can't do this thing, which is worse?

02:18:32.000 So it's like, give them a break for at least a year of, like, let them smoke these electronic cigarettes before you, like, clamp down again on them for that, you know?

02:18:39.000 Well, the problem with the electronic cigarettes is not the standard ones, like those little blues that push out vapor.

02:18:45.000 Some of them push out a smell.

02:18:47.000 Like, there's something distinguishable about it, and I'm like, ooh, what am I breathing in here?

02:18:51.000 I feel like I'm breathing in some sort of chemicals.

02:18:52.000 Like, Brian's.

02:18:54.000 Brian's is like...

02:18:54.000 It's just tiramisu.

02:18:55.000 It's a big cloud that comes out of it.

02:18:57.000 Like, it's not like a mist.

02:18:59.000 Yeah, I don't like that.

02:19:00.000 It's more of a smoke.

02:19:01.000 Like, that's a...

02:19:02.000 It seems like a better smoke than cigarettes, but still a smoke.

02:19:05.000 Like, puff out it.

02:19:06.000 Let me see what it looks like.

02:19:07.000 My battery died.

02:19:09.000 See?

02:19:10.000 More torturous.

02:19:12.000 But, you know, they have flavored stuff.

02:19:16.000 There's all these, like, weird, twinkie, crunchy flavors.

02:19:19.000 You know, teddy bear.

02:19:20.000 Do you worry about your health at all, man?

02:19:22.000 Of course I do.

02:19:23.000 Do you?

02:19:23.000 What, with the cigarettes?

02:19:24.000 Have you ever tried to not do it anymore?

02:19:26.000 I quit.

02:19:27.000 I quit before.

02:19:28.000 But, you know, at this point, like, when I brought up the stress and stuff like that, like, I'm out.

02:19:32.000 I'm, you know, like, super hardcore promoting and all that kind of stuff.

02:19:35.000 It's like...

02:19:36.000 It's like, you know, it's just all stress right now, so, you know.

02:19:40.000 That's what it is.

02:19:40.000 You know the Johnny Carson story, right?

02:19:42.000 Oh, with the epizema?

02:19:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:19:45.000 He couldn't even talk, but all he would say is, those damn cigarettes. 1.00

02:19:49.000 He was walking around with an oxygen tank, hoses in his nose. 1.00

02:19:53.000 Yeah, but what a life.

02:19:54.000 But what a life.

02:19:55.000 What a life before that.

02:19:57.000 Hmm, I guess.

02:19:58.000 Is that what you gotta do?

02:20:00.000 The cigarettes really made it juicy, right?

02:20:02.000 I don't know.

02:20:02.000 I guess we live in a culture where we have to live forever now.

02:20:05.000 I don't really understand.

02:20:06.000 It's not about living forever.

02:20:08.000 It's about maintaining your health while you're alive.

02:20:10.000 Yeah, it's a horrible end.

02:20:11.000 That's for sure.

02:20:12.000 Mike Lacey from the Comedy Magic Club pulled Brian aside once and was explaining to him what it was like at the end.

02:20:17.000 It made me cry.

02:20:19.000 But, you know, one of the biggest things I miss when I do quit, when I try doing these electronic cigarettes, or I try not to smoke, is the smoking period.

02:20:28.000 You know, where you're outside talking to other smokers, and there's like something to that.

02:20:32.000 Camaraderie, where you're all killing yourself together.

02:20:34.000 Yeah.

02:20:35.000 No, I'm definitely going to try and quit again, but it's a lot harder than non-quitters think. 1.00

02:20:41.000 I mean, than non-smokers think to quit.

02:20:44.000 It's not like, you know, whatever, you know.

02:20:47.000 It really is.

02:20:49.000 There is truth to the, you know, cigarettes are harder to quit than like, you know, heroin or something like that.

02:20:54.000 I mean, there really is like, cigarettes are so ingrained usually in people that smoke, but...

02:20:59.000 But for people that don't smoke, it must blow you away, the fact that we're doing this incredibly suicidal thing.

02:21:04.000 Well, I'm fascinated by it.

02:21:06.000 Really?

02:21:06.000 The reason why I ask you is not because I want to pester you, but because everybody that smokes that smart, like you, I always feel compelled to try to get their point of view and see if they have a point of view, if they just deal with it, they compartmentalize it, they don't think about it.

02:21:20.000 Look, I'm fascinated by addictions. 0.95

02:21:22.000 I'm really fascinated by especially things that I don't do, like cigarettes, gambling, coke, shit like that. 0.99

02:21:29.000 I'm fascinated by those things. 0.93

02:21:30.000 So I'm always fascinated by the mindset, because I don't totally understand it.

02:21:34.000 Right.

02:21:35.000 You know, so I just, when a guy like you is a smart guy, and I see you doing it, and you love it, you fucking can't wait to, can I fire this up?

02:21:42.000 Well, I mean, we have been here three hours, right?

02:21:45.000 Not quite.

02:21:45.000 I would have smoked half a pack if we were out on the street.

02:21:48.000 Would you really?

02:21:49.000 I could tell you, like, how many cigarettes per, like, if you...

02:21:52.000 How much do you smoke?

02:21:53.000 Probably two packs a day.

02:21:55.000 Yeah.

02:21:55.000 Whoa.

02:21:56.000 That's a lot, huh?

02:21:57.000 Yeah.

02:21:58.000 Every 10 minutes.

02:21:59.000 You think?

02:22:00.000 Yeah.

02:22:00.000 You made me nervous.

02:22:01.000 No, it's less than that because I don't sleep.

02:22:05.000 I get up to smoke.

02:22:06.000 Right.

02:22:07.000 Do you?

02:22:07.000 Yeah.

02:22:08.000 Yeah.

02:22:08.000 How much do you sleep?

02:22:10.000 Maybe now that I'm doing all this crazy stuff, three hours.

02:22:14.000 What?

02:22:15.000 What do you normally sleep?

02:22:17.000 Five hours, if I'm lucky.

02:22:19.000 Wow.

02:22:19.000 Four hours, maybe.

02:22:20.000 Well, you're juiced up on nicotine all the time.

02:22:22.000 No, it has to do with I have to work.

02:22:24.000 I have to do the notes at night so that they can edit during the day, and then I go in at night.

02:22:29.000 Now, like with all these, like with radio, as you know, like radio and all that stuff, it's like there's a weird schedule to all that and then doing shows at night because I never stopped doing shows, you know?

02:22:38.000 Right.

02:22:38.000 Of course.

02:22:39.000 But I meant like when you're not doing this and you said five hours.

02:22:41.000 Yeah, like five hours maybe.

02:22:43.000 Is that because you're all juiced up with nicotine all the time?

02:22:45.000 I think because I'm old and my prostate tells me it's time to get up, take a leak.

02:22:48.000 Really?

02:22:49.000 Yeah.

02:22:49.000 Five hours and you're good?

02:22:51.000 If I'm lucky, you know.

02:22:53.000 Get some pom-pom juice.

02:22:54.000 Have you tried some of those pills that help?

02:22:56.000 What is this, Dr. Oz? 0.99

02:22:57.000 Who gives a shit? 0.99

02:23:00.000 It's like we were just watching Heavy Metal and there's like a caribou carcass here. 0.99

02:23:05.000 It's like, have you ever thought of like... 0.99

02:23:07.000 I'm like, who gives a shit? 0.99

02:23:09.000 It's part of getting old, guys. 1.00

02:23:11.000 Get used to it.

02:23:12.000 Get used to it.

02:23:13.000 Joe, you're old enough to start now and not have any problems from smoking.

02:23:18.000 You should try it out for a year.

02:23:19.000 You would never smoke.

02:23:21.000 Anybody who was an athlete in their youth or still is involved in athletics, smoking is a no.

02:23:28.000 My cardio is very important to me.

02:23:29.000 Yeah, I understand that. 0.96

02:23:30.000 I'd never fuck around with that. 0.95

02:23:32.000 I don't get it. 0.94

02:23:33.000 I do love, like, you know, smokers do, like, I'm just talking about, like, my dad and his friends, like, they would have amazing, like, smoker superpowers where it's like, you know, they couldn't do anything, but, like, if there was, like, something like, you know, hey, I need your help, what happened?

02:23:48.000 My car fell in a ditch, and, like, they would just, like, come out with a cigarette in their mouth and, like, lift up the car.

02:23:52.000 I was like, man, that's so cool, you know?

02:23:55.000 Well, they would always work on cars with a cigarette dangling out of their mouth, gasoline everywhere, oil, everything everywhere.

02:24:01.000 Yeah, no, just like there's that smoker dude superpower.

02:24:04.000 Like, I guess on Mad Men you see some of it, too, where, like, they're constantly smoking all the time, doing whatever they do.

02:24:08.000 But those are, like, real cigarettes, by the way.

02:24:10.000 There's no organic.

02:24:11.000 Those are real.

02:24:12.000 Yeah, there's, like, marbles and camels and luckies.

02:24:14.000 What brands do you smoke?

02:24:15.000 Do you do the organic?

02:24:16.000 I do the organic now, so...

02:24:17.000 That's probably better for you.

02:24:18.000 And I think that they help me just because they taste horrible, like...

02:24:23.000 The reds were the best tasting.

02:24:25.000 That's like candy.

02:24:26.000 Marlboro reds taste good?

02:24:28.000 Yeah.

02:24:28.000 Oh, yeah.

02:24:29.000 Don't you feel like with the American spirits, when you wake up, you have more of like...

02:24:33.000 That's a thicker smoke.

02:24:35.000 It doesn't have all the chemicals you're burning.

02:24:37.000 The chemicals probably help the cigarettes evaporate better.

02:24:41.000 Well, I'm just saying that I can usually tell three hours, that would have been probably coming up on half a pack, so that's like 10 cigarettes.

02:24:49.000 Brian, you still smoke Newport's?

02:24:51.000 Newports?

02:24:52.000 I don't smoke Newports. 1.00

02:24:53.000 Isn't that funny?

02:24:54.000 There's a brand that's funny.

02:24:55.000 That was my point.

02:24:56.000 I wanted to make a point there.

02:24:57.000 There's a brand that if you say it, it's funny.

02:24:59.000 Like, get out of here! 0.64

02:25:01.000 What do you drive, a Yugo?

02:25:02.000 What?

02:25:03.000 Newports are for Asians.

02:25:05.000 Do Asians like Newports too? 0.97

02:25:06.000 No, that was urban.

02:25:08.000 Newports were for urban.

02:25:09.000 They were like, this is racist.

02:25:12.000 The ad was two beautiful black people smoking a Newport, and they're like, this is racist.

02:25:17.000 Come up with a racist Newport ad.

02:25:19.000 Google that.

02:25:20.000 There's got to be one on YouTube.

02:25:21.000 They have a menthol cigarette racist quitting ad that they're playing right now and people are saying is racist.

02:25:30.000 Let me see if I can find it right here.

02:25:33.000 Here we go.

02:25:34.000 Menthol cigarette quitting ad.

02:25:35.000 Oh, I've seen that.

02:25:37.000 That's definitely racist. 0.95

02:25:38.000 But why is it racist to be accurate?

02:25:41.000 Are we trying to pretend that black people don't enjoy a menthol on occasion? 0.58

02:25:45.000 I mean, how many black people like menthols? 1.00

02:25:48.000 That's the sound of Dave's cigarette lighter. 0.98

02:25:50.000 No, that's my horrible old phone.

02:25:51.000 He's thinking about firing one up again.

02:25:53.000 No, I'm not going to.

02:25:54.000 That's North Hollywood.

02:25:55.000 Crank that up.

02:25:57.000 Pack of menthols.

02:25:58.000 Pack of menthols.

02:25:59.000 Honey, I'm going to need more than that.

02:26:01.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

02:26:01.000 This is the wrong one.

02:26:02.000 Yeah, this is the wrong one.

02:26:03.000 These are the new ones.

02:26:05.000 These are the new ones.

02:26:06.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 1.00

02:26:08.000 What a bunch of chumps. 0.99

02:26:09.000 Here's the, I think the original one. 0.99

02:26:10.000 I saw it.

02:26:11.000 The guy pulls the teeth out.

02:26:12.000 Yeah.

02:26:13.000 But that's not really racist.

02:26:15.000 Well, the fact that he ordered menthols.

02:26:17.000 Okay.

02:26:17.000 It's not enough.

02:26:19.000 Well, if you were going to say a pack of cigarettes, you wouldn't just say a pack of smokes.

02:26:23.000 Because they would say what kind.

02:26:25.000 So he goes a pack of menthols.

02:26:26.000 It's almost like he has to.

02:26:27.000 And he pulls his tooth out.

02:26:29.000 It's not enough.

02:26:30.000 What's a pack of menthols cost?

02:26:32.000 Your teeth.

02:26:33.000 Smoking menthols or regular cigarettes can cause serious gum disease that makes you more likely to lose them.

02:26:38.000 See you again. 0.56

02:26:39.000 And that was a black guy's voice, the VO. How do you know? 0.93

02:26:43.000 No, he sounded, yeah.

02:26:44.000 How do you know?

02:26:45.000 No, I think I work with him at the improv.

02:26:47.000 No.

02:26:47.000 I tried to talk to somebody once, and they wouldn't admit that you could tell the difference when a black guy's on the phone sometimes.

02:26:54.000 There's this white liberal woman. 1.00

02:26:56.000 She's like, I really don't see that. 1.00

02:26:58.000 I'm like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

02:26:59.000 You're telling me that you can't talk to someone. 0.99

02:27:03.000 She goes, what are you trying to say?

02:27:04.000 Like, she tried to pin it on me. 0.96

02:27:06.000 Are you trying to say that black people don't talk? 0.87

02:27:08.000 No, that's what I'm trying to say. 0.95

02:27:09.000 I'm trying to say that with an intelligent, articulate person with a law degree that happens to be black, most times you can tell.

02:27:17.000 Wow.

02:27:18.000 It doesn't mean that they're not intelligent, but that's no different than you being able to tell that someone's from New York, or you being able to tell that someone is from Florida or the South.

02:27:26.000 That's a real thing.

02:27:27.000 It doesn't make them less intelligent.

02:27:29.000 You don't have to pussyfoot around that. 0.93

02:27:31.000 But black people sometimes on the phone have a different way of talking. 0.58

02:27:34.000 Is it mostly because of reception? 1.00

02:27:35.000 You could tell they have a shitty phone service? 0.95

02:27:38.000 They have a different plan. 0.78

02:27:44.000 No, that's not what it means at all, Brian.

02:27:50.000 They have a way of talking.

02:27:51.000 You know what I'm talking about, Brian.

02:27:53.000 Basically, there's a situation here.

02:27:55.000 The jurisdiction is in your court.

02:27:58.000 I mean, you're not always right, but you'd be really freaked out.

02:28:02.000 This is the difference.

02:28:04.000 If you heard a black guy talking, and you thought that he was a white guy, and then you met him and you realized he was black, you'd be like, wow, that's kind of interesting.

02:28:13.000 It's way worse when you talk to a guy on the phone, you think it's a black guy, you show up it's a white guy, and you go, oh, Christ. 1.00

02:28:20.000 Like, that guy's a fucking idiot. 1.00

02:28:22.000 There's almost always an idiot on the other end. 1.00

02:28:25.000 If you run into a white guy that's talking like a black guy on the phone, like you're convinced you're about to meet a black guy, and it's a white guy, 99% of the time that guy's a moron. 1.00

02:28:35.000 Wow. 0.99

02:28:36.000 But if you're talking to a guy on the phone, and it's a black guy, and you don't know it's a black guy because he sounds like a white guy, He's usually just a regular guy.

02:28:44.000 You know?

02:28:45.000 It's like nothing wrong with him.

02:28:47.000 You know?

02:28:50.000 Right?

02:28:50.000 I'll go with it.

02:28:52.000 I could always tell him Mexican because they have that little Mexican twang to him. 0.86

02:28:55.000 Unless a white dude was raised by black people, sequestered, like in a scientific experiment, they took him only around black people his whole life, then I could understand him talking like that. 0.99

02:29:05.000 Willie Hunter, I don't know if you remember the comedian Willie Hunter, he's been on a few Death Squad shows. 0.91

02:29:09.000 He's a perfect example.

02:29:10.000 If you had him on the phone, you would think he's white. 0.80

02:29:13.000 Yeah, there's a lot of guys like that.

02:29:15.000 How about Tyler Knight?

02:29:16.000 Remember Tyler Knight?

02:29:19.000 He's so smart, he sounds like a white guy. 0.98

02:29:22.000 That's racist.

02:29:23.000 But it's not racist to just make an observation.

02:29:27.000 Saying that's racist is like saying a lot of chicks get more freckles like Irish when they're out in the sun. 1.00

02:29:34.000 That's fucking true! 0.99

02:29:35.000 It's not racist to say that. 1.00

02:29:37.000 Irish people have a problem with the sun. 0.93

02:29:40.000 Pale people who have really white skin, they get burnt really easily. 1.00

02:29:43.000 That's not racist either. 0.50

02:29:44.000 It's an observation.

02:29:45.000 But I think with accents, like, when we're talking about, like, you could tell a guy's from a certain...

02:29:49.000 It's like, I'm from Long Island.

02:29:50.000 Like, we used to have this distinct accent.

02:29:52.000 And, like, Boston had this thing.

02:29:53.000 And they said that, like, these accents now are starting to, like, you know...

02:29:56.000 Homogenize. 0.94

02:29:57.000 Homogenize into, like, I guess this just, like, you know, mulligan stew of, like, one bad, you know... 0.56

02:30:03.000 Whatever it is.

02:30:04.000 But there's very few places now where you can actually hear like, oh, that's Kentucky, you know, whatever, you know.

02:30:10.000 I love when I go someplace and I hear a real accent.

02:30:13.000 Yeah.

02:30:13.000 Like, I love going to New York and, like, the waiters in New York.

02:30:16.000 I'd like you, this is the menu, can I introduce you to our specials?

02:30:19.000 Yes, that's a real...

02:30:20.000 I love that.

02:30:21.000 I love hearing...

02:30:21.000 The New York accent.

02:30:22.000 Yeah, I love hearing an accent that I... Especially, probably, because I... Pretty aware that those aren't going to be around forever.

02:30:31.000 In the future, a thousand years from now, there's not going to be any accents.

02:30:34.000 Well, like in Gangs of New York, you know, when they had like the different, you know, because they were like Irish, but they were New York.

02:30:39.000 So like they had to kind of think of this kind of turn of the century, New York, kind of like really, really down and dirty accent.

02:30:46.000 It sounded more like it was wherever, like Ireland, than it was there.

02:30:50.000 But it was cool to hear because you're thinking like, you know, when did we really start talking like we talk instead of like the English talky talk, you know, like in England?

02:30:57.000 That's a really good point.

02:30:58.000 It's like, when was the crossover?

02:31:00.000 Yeah, and what caused the crossover?

02:31:02.000 Was it just like, because all these different languages were learning English when they got to America?

02:31:07.000 Like places like...

02:31:08.000 Probably radio.

02:31:09.000 Yeah?

02:31:10.000 You know, like radio, like when everybody started hearing what everybody else sounded like, that's when they started like probably mimicking it.

02:31:14.000 And then that became like...

02:31:16.000 Because it probably was a technology thing.

02:31:17.000 You know what?

02:31:18.000 You're right.

02:31:19.000 That makes a lot of sense.

02:31:20.000 Like that's when the accent started dying down and then like with TV, same thing, you know? 0.99

02:31:24.000 Yeah, no shit, right? 0.97

02:31:25.000 That's fascinating. 0.99

02:31:26.000 Yeah, but I'm no whatever that's called a, you know, scientist or something.

02:31:31.000 But yeah, I assume it's like when everybody started really hearing each other like a lot.

02:31:35.000 Well, when I heard myself, I was 19 and I heard myself on television for the first time and I realized how gross my accent sounded.

02:31:42.000 Boston accent.

02:31:43.000 Yeah, I started working on getting rid of it.

02:31:46.000 I never minded that accent, though.

02:31:48.000 Yeah, but mine was hard.

02:31:49.000 It wasn't good.

02:31:51.000 I was interviewed after a tournament, and I was talking about putting in hard work.

02:31:56.000 Hey, rubberneck. 0.88

02:31:58.000 I listen to myself going, what is that?

02:31:59.000 I love all that Boston patter, though.

02:32:02.000 Hey, sweetheart. 1.00

02:32:03.000 What's up, chappy? 1.00

02:32:04.000 I love all that shit. 0.99

02:32:05.000 Yeah, there's a lot of E's on the end. 1.00

02:32:07.000 A lot of nicknames.

02:32:08.000 There's Sully and Fitzy.

02:32:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:32:10.000 Fucking Mikey over there. 1.00

02:32:11.000 All that Southie stuff. 1.00

02:32:13.000 It's a place where people suffer.

02:32:15.000 Places where people suffer, the senses of humor are going to be a bit stronger.

02:32:18.000 It's going to be a bit more character in the air.

02:32:22.000 You face adversity in a place like that.

02:32:25.000 New York, too. 0.99

02:32:26.000 It gets cold as fuck in the winter. 0.98

02:32:28.000 You face a lot of adversity. 0.99

02:32:30.000 New York, though, New York now is very international, very metro, so...

02:32:38.000 If you hear an accent like that, that must mean you're paying money to see it because I've never heard anybody recently with the Brooklyn. 0.76

02:32:44.000 You don't occasionally go to a restaurant, a real town restaurant, and the guy serving you has a real Brooklyn accent?

02:32:51.000 No, I really like those kind of classic, like the Westies, the Irish, that kind of stuff. 0.72

02:32:56.000 You really don't hear that much anymore.

02:32:58.000 Occasionally, you'll see a guy that you knew was a Westie, and you'll be like, what's up? 0.99

02:33:01.000 And he'll have that cool accent.

02:33:04.000 Colin Quinn has the great...

02:33:06.000 He's the most intelligent guy I know.

02:33:09.000 He's just so smart.

02:33:11.000 He has that cool...

02:33:13.000 That thing to his voice is like, it's very sexy, it's very good, it's charismatic.

02:33:17.000 Yeah, Colin's a fascinating guy.

02:33:19.000 He's very funny on Twitter, too.

02:33:22.000 God. 0.99

02:33:23.000 Like, it's funny when people don't know that he's just fucking around. 0.99

02:33:26.000 Yeah, they don't get the joke. 0.99

02:33:28.000 If you know his sense of humor, you know, it's really funny. 1.00

02:33:31.000 But, you know, if you're some 16-year-old kid in the middle of nowhere and you read it, you're like, LOL, dumbass. 0.99

02:33:37.000 That's not even how it works. 1.00

02:33:40.000 He'll say things that are so preposterous.

02:33:42.000 Did he do a history show on Broadway?

02:33:45.000 Yes, he did a one-man show.

02:33:46.000 His new one-man show.

02:33:48.000 What is it called?

02:33:48.000 I saw that over July weekend last year.

02:33:53.000 It was really good.

02:33:55.000 He's really, really, really intelligent, man.

02:33:58.000 That would be a great thing for him to do continuously, just like these really cool high-end one-man shows.

02:34:05.000 Long story short.

02:34:06.000 No, that's the...

02:34:08.000 That's another thing he did?

02:34:10.000 75-minute history lesson.

02:34:12.000 Does he ever do stand-up specials?

02:34:16.000 I don't think so.

02:34:17.000 I know that, once again, he's been working on this.

02:34:20.000 Putting a one-man show together is endless.

02:34:22.000 I know he was working on it, workshopping it.

02:34:25.000 Like I said, he would do it in these different clubs.

02:34:26.000 But now it's done, and I think he's touring it.

02:34:30.000 Hopefully, it'll be...

02:34:32.000 It'll be sold, and you can see it on HBO or something.

02:34:35.000 I don't even know how that works.

02:34:36.000 How do you sell a one-man show?

02:34:38.000 I don't even know.

02:34:38.000 Well, it seems like the kind of show that you would want to see all over the country.

02:34:41.000 He could tour in a city for a few months at a time.

02:34:43.000 Yeah.

02:34:44.000 And do it just sort of like the Book of Mormon, that kind of a thing.

02:34:48.000 You could go to see it, because it's just different than just pure stand-up comedy.

02:34:52.000 Ultimately, that's the perfect kind of thing for England, where you were talking about they expect a show.

02:34:58.000 Right.

02:34:59.000 That would be the perfect kind of thing.

02:35:01.000 It's about the Bill of Rights and it's about our Constitution and stuff like that.

02:35:06.000 I definitely do not want to talk more about it because I don't really know exactly.

02:35:13.000 It's so intricate.

02:35:15.000 It's taking something that is really dry and kind of unfunny and really making it funny.

02:35:20.000 He is just that good at this.

02:35:22.000 It really is a great show.

02:35:24.000 He's going to be in town in California.

02:35:26.000 I think he's here now.

02:35:27.000 Where's he at?

02:35:28.000 May 1st.

02:35:29.000 He's in Grass Valley.

02:35:31.000 May 2nd, Santa Cruz, and May 3rd, Irvine, California.

02:35:34.000 Oh, we'll try to get him May 3rd, or around May 3rd.

02:35:37.000 Yeah, he's the best, man. 0.98

02:35:39.000 We were fucking booked up that week, son of a gun. 0.94

02:35:42.000 Yeah, no, he's a very underrated stand-up, too. 0.98

02:35:47.000 I've heard people say they don't think he's funny.

02:35:49.000 I'm like, well, you've never seen him live. 0.98

02:35:50.000 If you've seen him live, you would know how fucking funny that guy is.

02:35:52.000 His warm-ups for his show, politically, whatever it was, last... 0.97

02:35:56.000 Tough crowd.

02:35:57.000 Tough crowd, yeah.

02:35:58.000 Confusing with politically incorrect.

02:35:59.000 That was one of the best warm-ups I ever saw anybody do, ever. 0.99

02:36:05.000 It was him just fucking around with the crowd doing stand-up. 0.97

02:36:07.000 And then he would go to do the show. 0.99

02:36:09.000 I was watching and I was like, wow, you know what?

02:36:11.000 This is the best part of the show. 1.00

02:36:12.000 The best part of the show was him fucking around with the crowd. 0.99

02:36:15.000 That was the funniest part. 0.97

02:36:17.000 Us sitting down with these hurried, rushed topics we would go to really quickly on the panel wasn't as good as him doing his little shtick in front of the crowd.

02:36:26.000 He is so good and like his, you know, I don't even want to besmirch it, but his crowd work is so like, is so ahead of, I mean, I basically learned how to work a crowd by watching him at the Comedy Cellar and other places that he was so classy and so intelligent that like it would take you a minute to get the reference because he was so,

02:36:44.000 he wasn't going for the easy joke.

02:36:46.000 He would never go for the easy joke.

02:36:48.000 And he really did take it to a whole new level.

02:36:50.000 So he was really influential, especially on that kind of stuff.

02:36:53.000 And he also is a really, really master of timing.

02:36:57.000 He really is good at crafting a joke and then telling it the right way.

02:37:01.000 You ever heard Jay Moore's impression of him?

02:37:02.000 No.

02:37:03.000 It's uncanny.

02:37:05.000 It's uncanny.

02:37:06.000 Really?

02:37:07.000 Yeah, it's uncanny.

02:37:08.000 It's one of the best impressions I've ever heard.

02:37:10.000 It's amazing.

02:37:11.000 Jay's a buddy of mine.

02:37:12.000 His impressions are incredible.

02:37:14.000 That one, at least.

02:37:15.000 The Colin Quinn one's amazing.

02:37:16.000 Not that other ones aren't, but I know of the Colin Quinn one.

02:37:19.000 It's pretty amazing.

02:37:21.000 It sounds like Colin.

02:37:22.000 I mean, it's like exact...

02:37:25.000 When Colin comes in, you should ask him the same thing about accents, because he has all the good accents.

02:37:29.000 You know, there was a lot of guys that were doing you for a while.

02:37:33.000 There was a lot of guys that I would see guys doing a tell.

02:37:36.000 Right.

02:37:36.000 Was that flattering, or did that bother you?

02:37:39.000 I don't know.

02:37:39.000 People would always tell me they were doing me, and then I'd be like, you know, there's really nothing you can do about it.

02:37:47.000 It did help me move forward in comedy of like, well, I better...

02:37:52.000 I better do, I better get better, you know, like if somebody's doing me.

02:37:56.000 But I don't think there's anything like, I don't know, I was never like, hey dog, you're doing my, you know, get your hands out of my pocket.

02:38:02.000 You're stealing my essence.

02:38:03.000 Get your hands out of my pocket. 0.77

02:38:05.000 The essence.

02:38:05.000 Dingo says that to people, that they're stealing his essence.

02:38:08.000 You know, it's like you have no respect for somebody who's doing a, you know, like, they always say it's flattery.

02:38:11.000 It's like, I think it's laziness.

02:38:13.000 I mean, like, do your own thing, you know?

02:38:14.000 It's contagious.

02:38:15.000 But, you know, the thing about it is, like, when you first start out, you will, like, mimic the guy that you love the most.

02:38:20.000 But you're supposed to move past that, you know?

02:38:22.000 And that's the whole thing.

02:38:23.000 Like, you have your own unique thing you do.

02:38:25.000 I'm trying to do my own unique thing.

02:38:27.000 And that eventually, like, when you get strong enough, then you got to kind of, like, say, like, well, that's too much like this guy, and that's not like me, and I should do this.

02:38:35.000 But, you know, it did make me go, like, you know, I have a lot of bad habits that I really need to drop that people are just mimicking.

02:38:41.000 No, they were not bad habits.

02:38:43.000 No, no, I do know, like, a lot of the turns that I did, like other guys would do, you know, like my turns.

02:38:49.000 I always think that they're my turn, but they're probably everybody's turn.

02:38:52.000 And you know what I'm talking about, going from bit to bit to bit.

02:38:55.000 It was a style of delivery.

02:38:57.000 Yeah, that.

02:38:58.000 That thing you do.

02:38:59.000 Doug Stanhope does that to me all the time.

02:39:01.000 I don't do that anymore.

02:39:02.000 But you know why I would do that?

02:39:04.000 Because when I first started out doing comedy, timing is so important.

02:39:08.000 So I was hanging out, and now you've got to, here comes the joke part, you know?

02:39:13.000 And that was the thing.

02:39:15.000 And behind all that energy was also a really horrible crowd, like talking and yelling.

02:39:21.000 So that's why it's also like, bang, bang, bang, like that.

02:39:24.000 Well, that was the great thing about doing clubs.

02:39:26.000 It was my special.

02:39:27.000 Yeah, I loved it.

02:39:28.000 Is that the Stress Factory?

02:39:29.000 Yeah, it's the Stress Factory in New Jersey.

02:39:31.000 What a great, that's a great show.

02:39:32.000 It's a phone-in?

02:39:33.000 Yeah, he does phone calls from the stage, does like these prank phone calls.

02:39:37.000 If I was a rich guy, I would have one of those in my house, I think.

02:39:39.000 A phone?

02:39:39.000 But candy would come out if you make a call.

02:39:43.000 You're calling people right there.

02:39:44.000 Who are you calling, Dave?

02:39:45.000 I don't know.

02:39:46.000 I'm calling somebody for a joke.

02:39:49.000 Yeah, there was a lot of guys that were coming up a few years back that were imitating you.

02:39:53.000 It was kind of annoying because I would hear it all the time at clubs.

02:39:55.000 I was like, oh my god, this guy's doing a tell.

02:39:57.000 They would be doing their own material, but they'd be doing it like you.

02:40:01.000 And you're like, oh, come on, man.

02:40:04.000 It's very... 0.99

02:40:05.000 You developed that in the trenches, and you figured out a way to get the point across and have a compelling rhythm that's fun to watch, captivates people, gets them locked in, and someone just came along and ganked that shit.

02:40:19.000 But I don't think I really do that that much anymore, because I always felt like that was hacked, that I was doing that kind of rhythm. 0.79

02:40:25.000 It was great.

02:40:26.000 No, it's cool that you guys said that, but I have walked into a room, and I'll see a guy doing it, and I'll be like, oh, I guess he's a fan.

02:40:34.000 There really is no...

02:40:35.000 I always feel like I need to get better and that these other people, they're on their own journey.

02:40:40.000 I guess that's the coolest Zen way to look at all of this stuff.

02:40:44.000 They're on their journey.

02:40:45.000 I'm on my own experience through comedy and hopefully I'll get better and I'll look back on that and laugh.

02:40:53.000 And I kind of do now, which is like, Everybody kind of sounds a little bit the same, and then you'll see that one guy that stands out and you're like, wow, we all need to step up our game.

02:41:03.000 Yeah, I think what you're doing, that sort of way of thinking, is the most empowering way.

02:41:10.000 Yeah, oh yeah, you take control of it.

02:41:13.000 You see it for what it is, and you move forward and use it as inspiration.

02:41:17.000 Instead of like, there's certain guys that someone will sound like them, and they're like, we were talking about Dane freaking out at, he did it at Steve Byrne, and then he did it for Chris D'Elia, told him that they're stealing his essence.

02:41:28.000 He said that to Chris too?

02:41:30.000 Pulls him aside, you're stealing my essence.

02:41:32.000 Really?

02:41:34.000 Did he really do that?

02:41:37.000 I've heard guys do me.

02:41:39.000 I've taken guys on the road and they start to mimic like me.

02:41:45.000 I hear Stanhope.

02:41:45.000 You hear people doing Stanhope.

02:41:46.000 Stanhope all the time.

02:41:47.000 Yeah, absolutely.

02:41:48.000 He's got a very distinctive style of delivery, too.

02:41:51.000 The Hedberg one always bothered me the most when I would hear a guy like Mitch Hedberg.

02:41:56.000 I have a little respect.

02:41:58.000 Especially after he's dead.

02:42:00.000 And then they'll always go like, yeah, but I was doing this before.

02:42:02.000 I was like, I doubt it.

02:42:04.000 I doubt you were doing this before, Mitch Hedberg.

02:42:06.000 You know, they'll always like try and cover with like, no, as a baby, I sounded like that.

02:42:10.000 I'm like, no, you didn't.

02:42:11.000 Yeah, I was cool and slow.

02:42:13.000 It's like, dude, like now, you know, like now, like, you know, wake up and do your own thing.

02:42:17.000 But they always like, no, man, you know, like they'll like...

02:42:21.000 No, you don't understand what I'm doing.

02:42:23.000 It's nothing like that.

02:42:24.000 And it's like, it's exactly like it, dude.

02:42:26.000 Well, to guys who are out there who are comics, I know it's very difficult to let a bit go, especially if that bit works.

02:42:33.000 Right.

02:42:33.000 Sometimes you'll come up with a bit on your own.

02:42:36.000 Horrible.

02:42:36.000 And it works, but then you find out another guy's doing it.

02:42:39.000 Yep.

02:42:39.000 You got to drop that.

02:42:40.000 And you got to be able to look at yourself honestly. 0.96

02:42:43.000 And if you sound too much like Mitch Hedberg, you got to fucking change that up. 0.87

02:42:47.000 You can't do that. 0.96

02:42:48.000 Yeah.

02:42:48.000 You can't.

02:42:49.000 People are going to know, and then they're going to always look at you as, that's that guy that used to sound like Mitch Hedberg.

02:42:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:42:55.000 You know, like, if they dig in their heels and their dicks about it. 0.92

02:42:59.000 And then there's the guys who, like, fake tribute comics by doing their material. 0.97

02:43:03.000 Like Patrice.

02:43:04.000 They were doing that with Patrice.

02:43:06.000 Oh, I didn't know.

02:43:07.000 I thought it was a tribute.

02:43:08.000 Do they say this is a Patrice joke on stage?

02:43:10.000 Well, yeah, like, after they caught him on it.

02:43:11.000 But it was just like, you know, dudes...

02:43:13.000 Oh, you're talking about the guy on YouTube.

02:43:15.000 Yeah, that guy. 1.00

02:43:16.000 Oh, that guy's a piece of shit. 1.00

02:43:17.000 Yeah, and I was like, you know what? 1.00

02:43:19.000 It's one thing to be a fan, and it's another thing to pay a tribute, but to do what you're doing without...

02:43:24.000 Luckily, the true comedy fans were on him, and that was really cool that they did that.

02:43:28.000 That really made me feel good. 0.99

02:43:29.000 Well, his response was ridiculous. 0.98

02:43:31.000 It was so verbose and overbearing and offensive and didn't own it at all and was trying to pretend that the whole thing was... 0.98

02:43:38.000 Completely innocent and in tribute and all aggressive while he's doing it.

02:43:43.000 Like, just, you non-artist.

02:43:45.000 Stop.

02:43:46.000 Because I'm not that good at comic, but I'll tell you one thing about Patrice. 0.99

02:43:48.000 Will you shut the fuck up about that, goddammit? 0.99

02:43:50.000 Please. 0.99

02:43:51.000 Top five.

02:43:52.000 I got a problem with you, man.

02:43:53.000 No, but I'll just tell you this, Joe.

02:43:55.000 Patrice, if he had lived another five years, people would have actually gotten what he was doing.

02:44:00.000 I really do think.

02:44:01.000 Like, he's the guy who was about to pop.

02:44:03.000 Oh, you know, I just think he was great.

02:44:05.000 He got in his own way, but he still was, like, that good.

02:44:08.000 He was hilarious. 0.98

02:44:10.000 He had this great fucking joke about when you... 0.99

02:44:12.000 If you're going to be my girlfriend, you're applying for a job. 0.99

02:44:16.000 And this is the position that's available.

02:44:19.000 The position...

02:44:20.000 Well, let's see what I got here.

02:44:21.000 I got...

02:44:23.000 I'm open at 2 a.m.

02:44:25.000 for an hour. 1.00

02:44:25.000 You suck my dick and I steal your last Snapple. 1.00

02:44:29.000 Are you interested? 1.00

02:44:31.000 Well, bitch, that was the position that was available. 1.00

02:44:33.000 Right? 1.00

02:44:34.000 Oh my god, I love that bit.

02:44:36.000 It's such a funny bit.

02:44:37.000 Because you could almost see Patrice actually saying that to a chick. 0.99

02:44:41.000 He would not back down.

02:44:43.000 And every comic you see now, you're like, what happened to that?

02:44:46.000 Everybody now is so like, you know, hey man, it's very non-threatening.

02:44:51.000 Yeah.

02:44:53.000 Yeah.

02:45:06.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:45:07.000 Like, you don't understand funny.

02:45:08.000 Like, it all comes from the same place.

02:45:10.000 He was trying to be funny.

02:45:11.000 Yeah, it didn't work out, but it all comes from the same place.

02:45:13.000 The ones that are good and that joke all comes from the same place.

02:45:17.000 And, like, she couldn't understand it.

02:45:18.000 And then, you know, she's like, you know, and then he did a joke about kicking a girl, like, a pirate-style kicker in her shin and coming her in her eye.

02:45:26.000 She's hopping around on one leg going, argh! 1.00

02:45:30.000 And the lady didn't want to laugh, but he said it on TV, kicking her in the shin and ejaculating her eye. 0.95

02:45:38.000 And we're like, oh my god. 0.98

02:45:40.000 It was the perfect example of something that's ridiculous and hilarious. 0.97

02:45:44.000 And it's violence against women. 1.00

02:45:46.000 That's a violence joke.

02:45:48.000 You know, that's a joke about kicking a woman and coming in her eye, and it's still funny. 1.00

02:45:52.000 The Angry Pirate.

02:45:53.000 Oh, he's so funny, man.

02:45:54.000 He was so funny.

02:45:55.000 So yeah, I do think that he was probably one more special away from people going like, man, this is crazy.

02:46:02.000 Because Elephant in the Room is a classic.

02:46:04.000 Yeah, I think there's a lot of guys that, unfortunately, they slipped away without people knowing about them.

02:46:10.000 Like, Hicks became much more famous after he died than he was when he was alive.

02:46:14.000 That used to bother me.

02:46:15.000 Now it doesn't bother me at all because I was like, at least people, you know, and his stuff, his stuff, like, there's so much raw stuff and then there's the actual, like, great, great specials, you know?

02:46:25.000 So, you know, like, people, like, have been, like, you know, they'll talk about the raw stuff and I'm like, that's cool that you even like that, you know?

02:46:31.000 I guess if you're a super fan, you'll like everything.

02:46:33.000 Who was the first guy that you ever saw that made you go, I want to be a comic?

02:46:36.000 I want to be a comic?

02:46:37.000 I think it was listening, you know, the one, you know, I can't think of like the I want to be a comic, but the one guy that I did see that did make me think like, oh my God, that's what a real comic is, would be Bill Hicks.

02:46:51.000 Really?

02:46:51.000 Because I did see him and I had already been doing it for a little bit where I was like, you know, I'm doing the open mics, I'm trying to get the jokes together, but then when I saw him do it, because I already was like, Like one of those fans where you're like, you know, you don't even want to make eye contact with the guy because you're like, don't want to get in his space, you respect him that much.

02:47:06.000 And I was like, you know, when I saw him live, I was like, wow, that is just it, man.

02:47:10.000 He was just throwing away jokes that like you would blow a dude for.

02:47:13.000 I mean, they were like, just like, he goes, all right, let me just air some stuff out here.

02:47:19.000 His crowd, the way he like handled the crowd also made me like, it was cool.

02:47:23.000 And you probably saw him when he was sober, right?

02:47:26.000 Yeah, I never in the Texas days now.

02:47:28.000 Yeah.

02:47:29.000 The sober days were when he was really putting in a lot of work.

02:47:32.000 And he went from a guy who was this wild, drug-taking, maniacal dude to a dude who's really focused on leaving behind a body of work.

02:47:42.000 He would talk about that.

02:47:43.000 It's almost like he knew his time was coming out.

02:47:45.000 So he was constantly writing and He was ahead of the curve with a lot of ideas.

02:47:51.000 There's a lot of ideas that he talked about during the Bush administration.

02:47:54.000 Bush Sr. During that administration, that's totally relevant today.

02:47:59.000 Right.

02:48:00.000 As far as jokes about the military and jokes about war and...

02:48:06.000 That was cool that he did that, but as a comic, that was not my favorite. 0.76

02:48:08.000 My favorite part was when he was, like, in the shit, handling the crowd, and then the jokes, his jokes, like the Letterman jokes, that, like, you know, like, his first couple of appearances, Letterman jokes, you're like, these jokes are just great. 0.87

02:48:21.000 You know, like, you're like, this is what it's about. 0.97

02:48:23.000 These jokes are great.

02:48:24.000 And then, you know, you'd listen to...

02:48:26.000 I remember, like, somebody...

02:48:28.000 Basically, we had a tape of his.

02:48:30.000 I don't even remember what it was, and I was like, wow, dude.

02:48:33.000 That is just like his smoking jokes.

02:48:36.000 His smoking jokes still blow away everyone else's smoking jokes.

02:48:39.000 Well, those got ripped off, too.

02:48:40.000 Yeah.

02:48:40.000 Those jokes got ripped off.

02:48:42.000 And the whole, like, you know, I like to play tricks, you know, the whole thing.

02:48:46.000 And the guy hits the pencil.

02:48:48.000 You know that joke, like the Practical Joker joke?

02:48:51.000 I don't remember that joke.

02:48:51.000 Oh, that's a great one with the, you know...

02:48:56.000 In high school, I was in the class clown.

02:48:58.000 The guy pulls out my seat.

02:48:59.000 I fall down and everybody laughs, so I figured I'd get him back.

02:49:01.000 So I whip a pencil.

02:49:03.000 It goes right in his eye.

02:49:04.000 He's got an eye patch now.

02:49:06.000 And then something else happened.

02:49:07.000 Then there's a guy where he pulls out the seat, breaks his back.

02:49:10.000 So the two of them are walking around, one with the eye patch.

02:49:13.000 He's wheeling the other guy.

02:49:14.000 He's like, there he goes, the funny guy.

02:49:16.000 I'm butchering the joke.

02:49:17.000 But that's what it is.

02:49:18.000 It's one of his takes on a classic...

02:49:22.000 Like, kind of like, you know, like, mundane topic.

02:49:24.000 And it was just like, seeing that, you're like, wow, this guy really thinks.

02:49:27.000 He really thinks.

02:49:28.000 One of my favorite bits was when Clarence Thomas was going in front of whatever committee to get on the Supreme Court, and they were investigating the whole, remember that whole thing?

02:49:41.000 Pupicare.

02:49:42.000 Pupicare and a Coke for Anita, what was her name? 0.97

02:49:46.000 Knee to Hell, right?

02:49:46.000 Knee to Hell?

02:49:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:49:48.000 And he had a whole bit about, just made him realize that he would never run for office, you know, because all the shit they have on, Mr. Hicks, you know, remember that bit? 0.97

02:49:58.000 Yeah, I do know, yeah. 0.95

02:50:00.000 Did you own Clam Lapis Volumes 1 through 90?

02:50:04.000 He's like, 1 through 90?

02:50:06.000 I don't recall.

02:50:06.000 You have to listen to the bit.

02:50:08.000 I'm not doing it.

02:50:09.000 He went into this whole thing about loving pornography.

02:50:12.000 It was like a misdirect, and then you don't realize while the misdirect is going on that he is still in front of the committee.

02:50:20.000 Well, thank you for your opinion, Mr. Hicks.

02:50:23.000 I'm not doing the bit justice.

02:50:25.000 You've got to listen to it. 0.87

02:50:26.000 I don't know the exact verbiage of it, but it was fucking awesome.

02:50:29.000 And his special, which is the one where he comes out and he's wearing the hat? 0.93

02:50:33.000 Relentless, I think?

02:50:34.000 Or in England?

02:50:35.000 I thought it was whatever, Bay.

02:50:37.000 Arizona Bay?

02:50:38.000 No, Arizona Bay was the CD. Okay, no, I'm sorry.

02:50:41.000 You remember when the thing goes up and he comes out wearing the hat? 0.99

02:50:43.000 Yeah, there's fire and shit. 0.98

02:50:45.000 What is that called? 0.99

02:50:46.000 He's in England.

02:50:47.000 I don't remember.

02:50:48.000 Let's look it up. 0.99

02:50:48.000 God damn it. 0.99

02:50:49.000 But that was a good one. 0.99

02:50:51.000 Yeah, I was like, you know, this fits him.

02:50:53.000 This really does fit him, you know?

02:50:56.000 Yeah, well...

02:50:57.000 I'm talking about theater versus club, because I also consider him a rock-hard club act.

02:51:03.000 Well, that was when he went to England.

02:51:05.000 He became way more famous in England than he ever was in America. 1.00

02:51:07.000 Yeah, they discovered him, because people here could give a shit. 0.99

02:51:10.000 Yeah, I know, right? 1.00

02:51:11.000 It was weird.

02:51:12.000 Well, then, you know, the whole Leary thing.

02:51:15.000 But also, Letterman also, like, his first couple appearances on Letterman, like, you know, I was in college or something like that, I was like, wow, this is really, this guy's amazing, you know?

02:51:23.000 Yeah, and Dennis Leary's in his Wikipedia page. 0.99

02:51:27.000 Oof, that's when you know you fucked up. 0.85

02:51:29.000 You wind up in the Hicks Wikipedia page, and not flatteringly, I remember that controversy. 0.99

02:51:38.000 Revelations.

02:51:39.000 Yeah, it was Revelations.

02:51:40.000 I saw it live.

02:51:42.000 You did?

02:51:42.000 Yeah.

02:51:43.000 Leary was my favorite comedian for like six months.

02:51:45.000 I thought Leary was awesome. 0.99

02:51:47.000 Then I saw Hicks and I was like, what the fuck is going on here? 0.97

02:51:49.000 Why am I seeing the same jokes? 0.98

02:51:51.000 And then I got all the information from everybody else and I was like, wow.

02:51:54.000 Wow.

02:51:55.000 That was hard to watch.

02:51:56.000 That's bad.

02:51:57.000 Well, especially when I was telling everybody how great Leary was, you know? 0.61

02:52:00.000 Leary would murder, dude.

02:52:01.000 Oh my God. 0.97

02:52:02.000 Back in those days in Boston, he would murder.

02:52:04.000 In the Boston days.

02:52:05.000 Yeah, yeah, in the Boston days.

02:52:08.000 It was, you know...

02:52:10.000 It was just a sad thing to see.

02:52:13.000 It's sad when you think a guy is just this genius thinker, and then you find out he's a parrot.

02:52:18.000 You know, he's just taking somebody else's things...

02:52:20.000 It was that?

02:52:22.000 Oh, yeah.

02:52:22.000 Yeah, it was brutal.

02:52:23.000 I mean, he's on his Wikipedia page for a fucking reason, man. 0.99

02:52:26.000 You know? 0.97

02:52:27.000 It's not...

02:52:30.000 What is it?

02:52:31.000 No cure for cancer?

02:52:32.000 I don't know, man.

02:52:33.000 I don't even really want to talk about it because I've talked about him so many times and he got angry that I did before, but hey man, it is what it is.

02:52:40.000 He doesn't want to address it, but it's a part of comedy history.

02:52:43.000 It just is.

02:52:44.000 There's no getting around it.

02:52:46.000 Especially with a guy like Hanks.

02:52:47.000 He was just such an innovator, man.

02:52:49.000 He was such a unique style.

02:52:51.000 He was a guy who changed comedy in a lot of ways because he opened up a whole new door for people.

02:52:56.000 Kinnison did too.

02:52:57.000 Kinnison opened up a whole new door of comedy.

02:52:59.000 Yeah, Kinnison now is the guy that I wish...

02:53:01.000 I think we talked about this the last time I was like, that's the one guy I wish I saw live.

02:53:04.000 I really do.

02:53:05.000 Of all the people, I never saw him.

02:53:07.000 I really wish I had seen that, just that power.

02:53:10.000 Like, I would be the guy like, let's call your chair!

02:53:13.000 And I mean, like, I wouldn't be, you know, like, but I would want to see the whole, the whole, like, deal.

02:53:18.000 Like, the whole, like, rough comedy store show would be the best.

02:53:23.000 Like, before he was famous or something.

02:53:24.000 Yeah, that would be the time to see him.

02:53:26.000 Yeah, probably right before he's famous.

02:53:28.000 I got to see him after he's famous.

02:53:29.000 It just wasn't the same.

02:53:30.000 Wasn't that good?

02:53:31.000 Was it a stadium show?

02:53:33.000 Well, he had to write a whole new act, you know, like really quickly after his HBO special.

02:53:37.000 He was on the road, but he couldn't do the same jokes.

02:53:40.000 Everybody knew them, so he had to come up with a whole new act.

02:53:42.000 And just, it was too much partying and coke and...

02:53:45.000 But like I've said a million times.

02:53:46.000 Were the chicks coming out? 0.94

02:53:47.000 Was it the twins?

02:53:47.000 Yeah.

02:53:48.000 And he would call people at the end.

02:53:49.000 Yeah, that was his guy.

02:53:50.000 He'd call a guy's girlfriend. 1.00

02:53:51.000 You fucking whore! 1.00

02:53:53.000 You know? 1.00

02:53:54.000 He'd have a phone on stage.

02:53:55.000 He was the first comic I ever saw to talk about like, you know, I'm partying people.

02:54:00.000 I'm doing this.

02:54:01.000 I'm doing that.

02:54:01.000 But I'm doing it for the material.

02:54:03.000 Yeah.

02:54:03.000 I'm doing it for you people.

02:54:05.000 All right?

02:54:05.000 Remember that one?

02:54:06.000 I'm balls deep.

02:54:07.000 But I was like, that's the first time I ever heard a comic actually on stage talking about writing material.

02:54:12.000 Yeah.

02:54:12.000 Because none of them ever would talk about that.

02:54:14.000 And then finally he was the guy who would say it.

02:54:17.000 Even though it was part of his drug joke, it was still funny to hear, like, wow, he writes material too!

02:54:23.000 David Tell, we're out of time.

02:54:25.000 That's it?

02:54:25.000 We're going to turn into a pumpkin.

02:54:26.000 We've been here for three hours.

02:54:28.000 Dude, thank you so much for having me, Joe.

02:54:30.000 Please, you're the best.

02:54:31.000 And your show, Comedy Underground, is that what it's called?

02:54:34.000 Comedy Underground, Saturday, 1am.

02:54:36.000 Saturday, 1am, Comedy Central, Uncensored.

02:54:39.000 Just totally raw, right?

02:54:41.000 Unfiltered, uncensored. 0.99

02:54:42.000 They let you do whatever you want after midnight on Comedy Central, which is fucking amazing. 0.76

02:54:46.000 Comedy Central is the new HBO comedy hour, really, in a lot of ways. 0.92

02:54:49.000 Let's hope.

02:54:50.000 Yeah, and dude, best of luck with it.

02:54:52.000 We'll help tweet it.

02:54:53.000 We'll pump it up.

02:54:53.000 Thank you.

02:54:54.000 And Operation Purple, guys, remember that, and also my special.

02:54:57.000 Dave Attell, ladies and gentlemen.

02:54:59.000 Follow him online, Attell, on Twitter.

02:55:01.000 A-T-T-E-L-L? Yeah. 0.99

02:55:04.000 Two Ts. 0.95

02:55:05.000 And improv this weekend with Ali.

02:55:06.000 Oh, Jesus Christ, son!

02:55:08.000 Ali Wong and some of the comedy on the ground.

02:55:10.000 Shave time, shave money, folks.

02:55:13.000 Dollarshaveclub.com forward slash Rogan.

02:55:15.000 Thank you to them.

02:55:16.000 Thanks also to Onnit.com.

02:55:18.000 O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN. Save 10% off any and all supplements.

02:55:23.000 We'll see you dirty bitches at the Lobero Theater. 1.00

02:55:25.000 Me with Mad Flavor, a.k.a. 1.00

02:55:27.000 Planet Rock, a.k.a.

02:55:29.000 Joey Diaz.

02:55:30.000 Joey Diaz?

02:55:31.000 Joey?

02:55:31.000 Huh?

02:55:32.000 That's going to be fun.

02:55:33.000 Yeah.

02:55:33.000 That's Santa Barbara.

02:55:34.000 That's the show.

02:55:34.000 I might escape to Santa Barbara someday.

02:55:36.000 I can't take Los Angeles anymore.

02:55:38.000 That's the move.

02:55:39.000 It's coming out of the way. 1.00

02:55:40.000 All right, you fucks. 0.99

02:55:41.000 We'll be back tomorrow. 1.00

02:55:44.000 Brian and I are going to go shoot some shit. 0.99

02:55:47.000 Nice. 1.00

02:55:47.000 We're going to go shoot some hard drives. 1.00

02:55:49.000 And then Thursday, we're back with Greg Fitzsimmons.

02:55:53.000 And after Greg Fitzsimmons, we're doing Brian Callen and Brendan Schaub.

02:55:57.000 We're going to do a UFC wrap-up.

02:55:58.000 All right.

02:55:59.000 Much love to everybody.

02:56:00.000 Thanks for all the positive energy.

02:56:01.000 Thanks to everybody who came out in Baltimore. 0.99

02:56:03.000 We had a great fucking time. 0.98

02:56:04.000 It was an amazing show and awesome audience. 0.99

02:56:06.000 All right. 1.00

02:56:06.000 You guys are shit. 1.00

02:56:07.000 We love you. 1.00

02:56:07.000 Big kiss. 1.00

02:56:14.000 Thank you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 29, 2014

Joe Rogan Experience #492 - Dave Attell

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Summary

Transcript