The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #556 - Bryan Callen

00:00:06.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:09.000 Train by day.

00:00:10.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.

00:00:11.000 All day.

00:00:15.000 Hey, look, it's the kid.

00:00:17.000 Hey, guys, come on.

00:00:19.000 Sure, sure, I look young.

00:00:20.000 He's even got a shirt on that says the kid.

00:00:22.000 Whatever, dude.

00:00:22.000 In case you were wondering.

00:00:23.000 I got tight-fitting skin.

00:00:25.000 It's not my fault.

00:00:25.000 I like how the fighter is in smaller font because he gets more letters.

00:00:28.000 You guys based it on, like, what's an even trade?

00:00:31.000 Did you weigh the ink?

00:00:32.000 Yeah, we weighed the ink.

00:00:33.000 We had to.

00:00:33.000 Oh.

00:00:34.000 We had to wear the ink.

00:00:35.000 Because the fighter is nice and long, but the kid is larger.

00:00:37.000 Well, he designs all the t-shirts.

00:00:39.000 I'm terrible with clothing.

00:00:40.000 I'm not a big fashionista. 1.00

00:00:43.000 You might want to look into someone who actually makes t-shirts, because that looks like a fucking junior high school kid did that shit with a paintbrush. 1.00

00:00:50.000 That was the idea. 0.99

00:00:52.000 That looks like an art class that you didn't give a fuck about passing. 0.92

00:00:55.000 I think that's Karate Kid font, though. 0.94

00:00:56.000 That's what I'm talking about.

00:00:57.000 Is it supposed to be like Kung Fu movie font?

00:01:00.000 Yeah, sure.

00:01:02.000 I'm not part of the least creative.

00:01:05.000 I'm not part of the artistic department.

00:01:08.000 I love both of you guys, but that is one of the least creative t-shirts I've ever seen.

00:01:12.000 And I love that end thing. 0.57

00:01:14.000 That little fucking weird thing that stands for end. 0.97

00:01:21.000 You know? 0.99

00:01:22.000 What is that thing called?

00:01:24.000 The end sign?

00:01:25.000 Is that an ampersand?

00:01:26.000 I thought ampersand was an A. Like a pound with the A that's circled.

00:01:32.000 No, that's...

00:01:33.000 What is that?

00:01:34.000 At?

00:01:35.000 What is at?

00:01:36.000 What is the actual...

00:01:37.000 Asterix.

00:01:38.000 No, asterix is the star, right?

00:01:41.000 I tried to make t-shirts for Maya.

00:01:44.000 But which one's ampersand?

00:01:45.000 I don't know.

00:01:46.000 Hold on, let's find out.

00:01:47.000 Ampersand.

00:01:50.000 Ampersand, end, yeah. 0.86

00:01:52.000 Okay, Jamie's totally correct.

00:01:54.000 So, ampersand is the, that's the end.

00:01:58.000 Like, fighter, end, A-N-D. It's a weird little symbol.

00:02:02.000 It just looks bad on yours.

00:02:03.000 Do I have that on my t-shirt?

00:02:03.000 Yes, you do, obviously.

00:02:04.000 Right there, man.

00:02:05.000 Fighter and the kid.

00:02:07.000 And then that thing over the T, that thing, you just look at it.

00:02:10.000 You need glasses, bro.

00:02:11.000 I do not, just because you need glasses.

00:02:13.000 Stop trying to get me in on your glasses bandwagon. 1.00

00:02:17.000 You could read shit better. 0.99

00:02:18.000 The at sign's actually called a strudel in Israel. 0.99

00:02:21.000 Okay, but we're not in Israel.

00:02:22.000 What's it called in America?

00:02:23.000 It's just an at sign.

00:02:25.000 Just an at sign.

00:02:27.000 A strudel.

00:02:28.000 Yeah, that's one of those ones that, like, didn't have any play for, like, hundreds of years.

00:02:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:02:33.000 Like, what is this useless fucking thing on my computer? 0.99

00:02:36.000 Stop trying to bring things back. 1.00

00:02:37.000 You would look at, like, before Twitter and Facebook and all that shit, and, like, in the name, nothing! 0.95

00:02:43.000 Right. 1.00

00:02:44.000 You fucking never used that thing on the keyboard, on the typewriter, that was a useless goddamn key. 1.00

00:02:48.000 Like, who the hell needs that and thing? 1.00

00:02:50.000 I know.

00:02:51.000 And you would ask, like, what is that? 1.00

00:02:52.000 It's some shit you'll never use. 1.00

00:02:53.000 Meanwhile, it's some shit everybody uses now. 1.00

00:02:55.000 Everybody's fucking Twitter handle. 1.00

00:02:57.000 I don't know how many Twitter people there are. 0.99

00:02:58.000 Language changes.

00:02:59.000 Are you a pound sign or a hashtag person?

00:03:01.000 Well, you really should say pound sign.

00:03:03.000 Right. 0.98

00:03:03.000 I mean, why does it get to be hashtag if it's the same goddamn thing? 0.98

00:03:06.000 Yeah, I say pound. 0.94

00:03:07.000 Because it has a different connotation?

00:03:08.000 What was a pound sign's connotation?

00:03:11.000 It was just on your phone, remember?

00:03:13.000 What did anybody use it for?

00:03:14.000 You would punctuate to send a message or something.

00:03:18.000 Like a voicemail.

00:03:19.000 Press the pound sign.

00:03:20.000 But they say the pound sign.

00:03:22.000 But then all of a sudden, hashtag came along.

00:03:24.000 What are you, making corned beef?

00:03:26.000 You slinging hash?

00:03:28.000 What kind of hash is this?

00:03:29.000 Is this weed hash?

00:03:30.000 Why would you call it hashtag?

00:03:32.000 Hashtag question mark.

00:03:34.000 Someone's going to send us a link on Twitter, I'm sure.

00:03:36.000 The origins of the word hashtag.

00:03:39.000 Hashtag came from Twitter, right?

00:03:41.000 Yeah, and then Facebook adopted it.

00:03:44.000 I was talking to this linguist.

00:03:46.000 I was saying, why do southern accents, for example, in Mississippi never go away?

00:03:49.000 Why do certain regions hold on to their accents?

00:03:53.000 And he said, most of it has to do with the fact that you copy the person who's older.

00:03:58.000 The person you look up to, if he has an accent, that's the guy you're going to try to talk like.

00:04:03.000 So it gets passed down from generation to generation and doesn't really get diluted.

00:04:06.000 Because they just stand out more?

00:04:08.000 Human beings are tribal.

00:04:10.000 And so what they do is, if you grow up around your dad or your older brother or somebody you look up to who speaks a certain way, without even realizing it, you start taking on their language.

00:04:18.000 You speak exactly the same intonation and everything.

00:04:21.000 And so what happens is, that accent in Louisiana will always stay that accent in Louisiana.

00:04:27.000 It's really interesting.

00:04:28.000 But then that can start to sort of change as people migrate. 1.00

00:04:32.000 What if a bunch of bad motherfuckers, a bunch of badass, big dick South Africans came in and just fucked everybody in that town. 1.00

00:04:39.000 Dominated. 1.00

00:04:40.000 Came in with billions of dollars of cash.

00:04:41.000 It would be interesting if there was a way where you could restructure an accent.

00:04:46.000 Just a few dominant alpha chimpanzee males.

00:04:49.000 That's interesting, yeah.

00:04:50.000 With a strange accent.

00:04:52.000 Yeah.

00:04:52.000 You know, strange South African accent.

00:04:54.000 Like, if there was a way some bad motherfuckers could move into an area... 1.00

00:04:58.000 And everybody would want to be like them so much they would start talking like South Africans. 1.00

00:05:01.000 If you go to Barcelona in Spain, they talk with a lisp.

00:05:05.000 Barcelona, Barcelona, they do that.

00:05:07.000 Really?

00:05:07.000 And they say that is because the king had a lisp a long time ago, and everybody started to copy that sort of, you know, that colloquialism or whatever.

00:05:16.000 Well, it is kind of weird that lisp is considered to be odd. 0.98

00:05:21.000 The one strange sound that you make, but roaring the arse, is considered to be flamboyant and beautiful. 0.98

00:05:28.000 Like, if you say someone... 0.99

00:05:29.000 When you speak the Queen's English, of course.

00:05:30.000 No, but we have, like, categories where we'll put, like, this is a sound that you should make. 0.99

00:05:36.000 And this is a sound where it's fucked up. 0.98

00:05:39.000 I don't like it. 0.98

00:05:39.000 And it's all based on our control. 0.98

00:05:41.000 See, the issue with the lisp is some people cannot control the fact that they make that sound.

00:05:46.000 So they're not trying to lisp.

00:05:48.000 It's very difficult for them to not lisp.

00:05:51.000 So because of that, that sound becomes inappropriate.

00:05:55.000 Yeah, maybe it's because...

00:05:57.000 When you have a lisp, it's already, quote-unquote, a defect, so it's considered a weakness.

00:06:02.000 Yes.

00:06:03.000 So that would be something that is...

00:06:05.000 Well, it's just because you can't control it.

00:06:07.000 That's why it's a weakness.

00:06:08.000 If the rose is ours on purpose, then it sounds cool.

00:06:11.000 He's Antonio Bandares.

00:06:12.000 Yeah.

00:06:13.000 But if you roll your R's because you can't stop, like your R's are slippery. 0.77

00:06:16.000 I thought that was Conor McGregor.

00:06:17.000 Conor McGregor.

00:06:19.000 He's got a little bit of his own. 1.00

00:06:20.000 I like to whip ass. 1.00

00:06:22.000 But that's a different thing, an Irish thing. 1.00

00:06:24.000 But yeah, the R's are slippery, right? 1.00

00:06:27.000 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:06:28.000 Yes.

00:06:29.000 Roll.

00:06:30.000 If that was a disease, you know, instead of a lisp, you know, oh, he's got a rasp. 1.00

00:06:37.000 Oh, the poor bastard. 0.99

00:06:38.000 He can't help it. 1.00

00:06:39.000 Speech impediments.

00:06:41.000 Stutters are neurological.

00:06:42.000 Yeah, it's a neurological thing.

00:06:45.000 There was a kid that I used to be friends with, and his brother had a stutter. 1.00

00:06:48.000 Poor, poor bastard. 1.00

00:06:50.000 He just fucking, just would lock up, man. 1.00

00:06:53.000 And he would lock up in front of you, and you'd want to, like, help him through it. 0.99

00:06:56.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:06:57.000 And you had to act like nothing.

00:06:58.000 My, that, something about stutters endear me to the person.

00:07:01.000 Like, I want to protect them.

00:07:03.000 We had a guy in my Taekwondo school who would, sometimes we'd line up, and he'd have to say, and he could, he had such a bad stutter.

00:07:11.000 So we'd all be sitting there, and he'd go, And we have to wait sometimes for 40 seconds.

00:07:18.000 But of course we all did.

00:07:20.000 And something about a stutter has always made me feel protective over the person. 0.99

00:07:23.000 If you're stuttering all the time, should you be getting kicked in the head? 0.98

00:07:26.000 That's a good question. 1.00

00:07:28.000 You've got shit going on there already. 1.00

00:07:30.000 You've got some bad connections. 1.00

00:07:32.000 Maybe you could rattle it loose.

00:07:33.000 Like you hear about those stories where a kid gets in a car accident and all of a sudden he can play music.

00:07:38.000 Yeah, well, Robert Sachs did a thing about this guy who got struck by lightning, his regular dude, got struck by lightning and became obsessed with music, especially the piano, and just literally did nothing but play 12 hours a day and think piano,

00:07:54.000 and he was convinced it was a sign from God.

00:07:56.000 So Robert Sachs said, well, you know, it may be a sign from God, but is there any way I can study your brain?

00:08:02.000 And he said no.

00:08:03.000 No, this is Scott and I'm not interested in the scientific.

00:08:07.000 It was just such a bummer for him. 0.99

00:08:08.000 What the fuck happened? 0.99

00:08:10.000 What happened that you got struck by lightning and you became obsessed with the piano? 1.00

00:08:15.000 Where he literally played all day.

00:08:16.000 I think he's probably scared that if he finds something that's wrong, that they might fix it.

00:08:23.000 Go back to being normal.

00:08:25.000 Well, it's very strange to me also because what they find with people who, like when they say something like, you've got to follow your passion, man.

00:08:33.000 The problem with that is that you've got to broaden your passion because sometimes your passion can be just what you know.

00:08:38.000 And a lot of people consider their passion what they're just good at.

00:08:47.000 I don't know.

00:09:01.000 Oh, I think that was a religious superstitious thing.

00:09:04.000 I think that he kind of felt it would go away if somebody did something to his brain.

00:09:08.000 Is that what you think?

00:09:08.000 I do.

00:09:09.000 That's what Sack said, in effect.

00:09:12.000 I would wonder if he would be afraid that it was purely psychological.

00:09:17.000 I think there's a lot of people who say they believe in God, and they'll talk about the fact they believe in God, but I don't know if they Believe 100%.

00:09:27.000 I think they might believe like 80%.

00:09:29.000 And that 20% haunts them.

00:09:31.000 They don't want to address that 20%. 0.99

00:09:33.000 And when something like this happens, where there's a tangible effect of a physical act and you attribute it to God, if someone comes along and says, no, you're Abdullah, Mangala, whatever, got fried.

00:09:44.000 You don't have that part of your brain anymore.

00:09:45.000 And that part of your brain dictates social skills.

00:09:48.000 Like, if you're having a hard time talking to people, yeah, well, you lost that.

00:09:52.000 That part's not there anymore, so you're basing, you know, all your attention is now going to music. 0.99

00:09:58.000 And if you found out that, instead of like, God gave you a gift, that would fuck with your head. 0.99

00:10:03.000 That's right. 0.99

00:10:03.000 Well, a lot of, they say that people who, the fundamentalists, people who are, you know, they believe, and they're willing to die for their beliefs, there's always a great deal of doubt, way more doubt with those people. 0.99

00:10:13.000 How much fucking mental illness is there in this world? 0.97

00:10:15.000 You know, it's something no one wants to bring up. 1.00

00:10:17.000 No one wants to bring up, like, how much of believing in unbelievably ludicrous shit is a type of a mental illness. 0.99

00:10:26.000 The first question, though, also is this. 0.99

00:10:28.000 I mean, if you say, I believe in God, I actually think a better question initially is, what is God?

00:10:32.000 First of all, how do you define God?

00:10:34.000 Yeah, I mean, is God what they thought he was when they were riding on animal skins?

00:10:38.000 Or can we define God as...

00:10:41.000 There's obviously a better...

00:10:43.000 Look, there's a way that feels good in this world, and there's a way that feels bad in this world.

00:10:48.000 What feels bad?

00:10:50.000 Tragedy...

00:11:06.000 I mean, we feel that, right?

00:11:12.000 But positive is like, you see friendship, and you see happy kids playing, and you see people smiling because they enjoy their job.

00:11:21.000 And sacrifice.

00:11:21.000 Self-sacrifice and all those things.

00:11:23.000 You see barbecues.

00:11:24.000 You see prosperity and friendship and kinship.

00:11:28.000 You see all this good stuff.

00:11:30.000 And so, obviously, if you just live your life...

00:11:35.000 More towards the good stuff.

00:11:37.000 It's the most you can.

00:11:38.000 That's like a godly life.

00:11:41.000 The Greeks called it the rational life, right?

00:11:43.000 That's what they called it.

00:11:44.000 Is that what they called it?

00:11:45.000 The rational life?

00:11:46.000 In other words, as long as you stay within what would be considered the rational.

00:11:52.000 But is that rational?

00:11:53.000 That's what Roman law was kind of predicated on, right?

00:11:55.000 So if you park your chariot in an area where they do in Carthage and you get a ticket and you go to the judge and you say, hey, Roman judge, in Carthage we park our chariots this way, and the Roman judge goes, okay, well, in Rome we do it this way, so try to do it that way.

00:12:08.000 But this way you delineate the law.

00:12:11.000 Then a man comes along, snatches a baby out of a woman's arm, and kidnaps it or kills it or something.

00:12:16.000 And all of us go, and you go, well, no, we do that in Carthage.

00:12:19.000 Well, what Roman law would say is, we don't, well, whether you do that in Carthage or not, doesn't matter because this is outside the bounds of rationality.

00:12:27.000 This is outside the bounds of nature.

00:12:29.000 This is an unnatural act.

00:12:32.000 How could the Romans say that?

00:12:34.000 Cicero.

00:12:34.000 Cicero was the father of Roman law.

00:12:35.000 Sword-fighting people and fucking each other in the ass. 0.99

00:12:38.000 Well, because they also had a massive empire that had to be run according to a set of principles. 1.00

00:12:43.000 You had to have something.

00:12:44.000 Right.

00:12:45.000 That does make sense.

00:12:46.000 But everybody's idea of what that is depends entirely upon what happened to them when they were young.

00:12:52.000 It's what you're exposed to when you're really young.

00:12:55.000 If you find out about the vast majority of people that commit horrific acts, Like, a good chunk of them had some serious trauma when they were young.

00:13:05.000 Whether it was someone sexually molested them or someone abused them.

00:13:09.000 There was a lot of abuse.

00:13:10.000 There was something wrong.

00:13:11.000 There's only a few of them that people can't figure out.

00:13:14.000 Like, you know who's a big one that they have a hard time figuring out?

00:13:16.000 Jeffrey Dahmer. 1.00

00:13:17.000 Jeffrey Dahmer apparently had normal parents and shit. 1.00

00:13:20.000 That sociopath gene, there's been so much research recently written on this. 1.00

00:13:25.000 In fact, Barbara Oakley wrote a book called The Evil Genes.

00:13:28.000 And they really looked at how different serial killer brains...

00:13:33.000 They think that there is for sure something that goes on genetically with sociopaths like John Wayne Gacy and those kind of people.

00:13:41.000 They actually...

00:13:42.000 In many cases, you can actually tell they have a different brain than...

00:13:45.000 Than do regular people.

00:13:47.000 And there's a lot of science now about that.

00:13:49.000 But that's the extreme, right?

00:13:50.000 It completely makes sense.

00:13:51.000 I mean, if you look at every body type there is, look at all the different flaws that people just are born with.

00:13:58.000 Like me.

00:13:59.000 I have vitiligos.

00:14:00.000 I have spots where I don't grow any pigment around my knuckles.

00:14:02.000 And bigger hands than Brennan's shop.

00:14:04.000 Keep going.

00:14:05.000 Yeah, I'm very...

00:14:06.000 Giant hands!

00:14:07.000 ...unevolved.

00:14:07.000 I've got a lot of issues.

00:14:08.000 But that's probably not bad.

00:14:10.000 I've got a lot of issues.

00:14:11.000 That's probably not bad.

00:14:13.000 It just gave me freaky bones.

00:14:15.000 Right.

00:14:15.000 But the bad stuff is very minimal.

00:14:19.000 You look at some bad stuff that people have, like we know people that are dead.

00:14:22.000 We know people that had cancer and died.

00:14:25.000 We know people that are born with degenerative arthritis.

00:14:30.000 You know, Sean Rouse. 1.00

00:14:32.000 That poor bastard. 1.00

00:14:33.000 I mean, that poor bastard is always in pain. 1.00

00:14:36.000 And he's a fucking funny dude, man. 1.00

00:14:38.000 Rouse is funny as shit. 0.99

00:14:40.000 He's really good. 0.99

00:14:42.000 And the kid's always in pain.

00:14:44.000 Every time you shake his hands, it's like, you know, you just want to be as gentle as you can.

00:14:48.000 He's got a room in the toilet.

00:14:50.000 Oh, it's bad, dude.

00:14:51.000 It's bad.

00:14:52.000 He just got new knees, though.

00:14:54.000 Yeah, he had to get his knees replaced, man. 1.00

00:14:56.000 Fuck, he's in his 30s. 1.00

00:14:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:58.000 Dude, he's, you know, he just, the genetic roll of the dice, he just, he got fucked. 1.00

00:15:04.000 And so, my point was, there's so much variation, and like, you see people with dwarfism, you've seen people with gigantism, there's variation everywhere. 0.98

00:15:14.000 It just would only make sense that there'd be variation in the structure of the actual brain itself.

00:15:19.000 Some people are born with weak eyesight. 0.57

00:15:22.000 Their eyesight sucks right out of the gate.

00:15:24.000 The brain is a physical brain.

00:15:26.000 I mean, there's no reason to believe that, you know, first of all, evolutionary biologists have come to the conclusion that our brains are different.

00:15:35.000 I mean, you're not born a blank slate.

00:15:37.000 Here's the big question.

00:15:38.000 Here's the really big question.

00:15:39.000 This is the one for everybody.

00:15:40.000 This is a hard one.

00:15:42.000 As medical science reaches a certain point where they understand We're good to go.

00:16:03.000 The way people would look at certain races was radically different than the way they look at them now. 0.97

00:16:08.000 Like in medical journals and shit. 0.98

00:16:10.000 The way they would describe Irish was that they were basically like apes. 0.99

00:16:13.000 They would do this in Harvard.

00:16:15.000 It was a really fascinating conversation. 0.97

00:16:17.000 We know now that's ridiculous.

00:16:19.000 We know now that there's brilliant people from every single race.

00:16:23.000 And the big part of it is what are you exposed to?

00:16:25.000 What kind of genetics are you dealing with?

00:16:27.000 And what kind of curiosity do you have in your family?

00:16:30.000 How do you develop?

00:16:32.000 How are you nurtured versus your nature?

00:16:35.000 What makes a sprinter?

00:16:36.000 Does that disqualify him from being a brilliant thinker?

00:16:39.000 No, it doesn't.

00:16:39.000 Those ideas are in the past.

00:16:43.000 But if there was a way where they could examine your brain and go, well, this guy has no empathy.

00:16:49.000 This guy completely lacks empathy and he gets an enjoyment out of torturing animals.

00:16:55.000 If you could find someone like that.

00:16:56.000 They're already doing that.

00:16:57.000 And in fact, what they found is a lot of serial killers have underdeveloped amygdalas.

00:17:02.000 So that almond shape, that part of the brain, I believe, that floods with serotonin, etc.

00:17:07.000 And a lot of them have smaller than normal or they're damaged.

00:17:11.000 And It's hard for...

00:17:13.000 One of the things that they talk about with serial killers a lot of times is for them to feel is sometimes close to impossible.

00:17:22.000 They've got to go to extremes.

00:17:24.000 But sexual sadism and all that stuff is what they call...

00:17:28.000 What this guy, the great famous profiler Richard Walter calls...

00:17:32.000 A power excitement.

00:17:34.000 Some people will kill you over power. 1.00

00:17:37.000 They want to kill you.

00:17:38.000 But when somebody's been torturing somebody, they get off on the act of killing. 0.94

00:17:44.000 Not the killing, the act of killing. 0.56

00:17:46.000 And those kinds of people, they think, have different brains.

00:17:50.000 They just get off on the power, and they're not feeling any remorse. 0.72

00:17:53.000 They get sexual pleasure from putting people in terrible pain.

00:17:58.000 Here's the question.

00:17:59.000 If they can spot that, I mean, how weird does the world get?

00:18:04.000 Why are you going to let that guy live?

00:18:05.000 We would all have to look at them like, it's no different, in my opinion, than having a vampire that lives in your neighborhood. 1.00

00:18:12.000 If you had a vampire in your neighborhood and the vampire was constantly compelled to feed on human blood, how long would it take before everybody rallied the troops and stuck a fucking stake in that vampire's heart? 1.00

00:18:23.000 It would take a day. 1.00

00:18:23.000 That's a very good question. 1.00

00:18:25.000 The first day. 1.00

00:18:26.000 Now, if you found a way to absolutely identify a serial killer, like, this guy is a fucking serial killer. 1.00

00:18:34.000 This guy just died. 0.99

00:18:36.000 This is what's important to him. 0.99

00:18:37.000 This is what he doesn't give a fuck about. 1.00

00:18:39.000 This guy loves killing. 1.00

00:18:40.000 He loves torturing. 1.00

00:18:41.000 Get rid of him. 1.00

00:18:42.000 Give a fuck. 1.00

00:18:43.000 Yeah, you'd have to kill him. 1.00

00:18:44.000 It'd be like having a vampire, right? 1.00

00:18:45.000 I mean, wouldn't it be the same thing?

00:18:46.000 Or it'd be another thing.

00:18:47.000 How about this?

00:18:48.000 By the same token, what you would have to say about somebody like that is they have brain damage. 0.55

00:18:53.000 Their brains are damaged. 0.94

00:18:54.000 They are not working like an irrational human being.

00:18:57.000 So you want to fix it?

00:18:58.000 Well, either you fix it or you categorically look at it the same way you would look at any kind of a birth defect or a handicap.

00:19:10.000 What that means then is, what does that say about punitive punishment?

00:19:13.000 Do you punish them or do you put them in a hospital and keep them in a padded room?

00:19:18.000 That's the other question.

00:19:19.000 Well, what kind of a life is that?

00:19:21.000 I think?

00:19:38.000 Well, it's a human being, so what do we do then?

00:19:41.000 What does that say about punitive punishment?

00:19:43.000 Do you punish them, or do you put them in a hospital?

00:19:46.000 You put them in a room with a very sensible John Wayne-like character who's going to say, why don't you guys step outside?

00:19:53.000 And you hear, bang!

00:19:55.000 He went for my gun.

00:19:57.000 And then you go home.

00:19:58.000 That's what happens.

00:19:59.000 I would agree.

00:19:59.000 You can't write a law like that though.

00:20:01.000 Experiment on him is not a bad idea. 1.00

00:20:03.000 Fuck using monkeys, use humans. 1.00

00:20:05.000 Yeah, but you can't write a law like that because it's not consistent. 1.00

00:20:08.000 It's inconsistent with...

00:20:09.000 How about this? 1.00

00:20:10.000 Every time you experiment on him, you let him kill an asshole. 1.00

00:20:14.000 Yeah, kill another one. 1.00

00:20:15.000 You take a child molester, and every time the serial killer, you try some new birth control on him or something, every time you let him kill a child molester. 1.00

00:20:25.000 Yeah.

00:20:26.000 Well, Richard Walter, that FBI profiler, was the guy who came up with a double helix, whatever he called it, of how a serial killer.

00:20:34.000 He interviewed 20,000 murderers or something like that.

00:20:37.000 And what's really fascinating to hear him talk about how serial killers come to be.

00:20:42.000 So how they start.

00:20:44.000 And they start in really weird ways.

00:20:47.000 Usually it starts with some kind of fetishism.

00:20:49.000 Like rubbing up against somebody in a bus stop.

00:20:54.000 Or they call it peakerism.

00:20:56.000 Sometimes they'll find...

00:20:57.000 Like when a cop hears about somebody who cut up a bunch of leather jackets in a store...

00:21:03.000 Ooh.

00:21:03.000 They'll go, hold on, we want to come in there and look at something.

00:21:07.000 Because what Richard Walter would say, a lot of them who were into just cutting people, a lot of them started by going into department stores and doing terrible damage to all the fine leather by cutting with a very sharp scalpel.

00:21:23.000 And they got off on the fact that first they could get caught, it's very expensive, they'd be in big trouble, but also it's the feeling of skin.

00:21:30.000 So then what happens with serial killers, they said, is that you keep going and you keep needing a bigger and bigger fix.

00:21:36.000 And you never go back from that.

00:21:39.000 You never are able to reverse the perversion.

00:21:43.000 So once they up the ante and up the ante until finally they kill...

00:21:49.000 They're never going back.

00:21:50.000 Never.

00:21:51.000 That urge continues to come back more and more.

00:21:53.000 That's what Ted Bundy would talk about.

00:21:55.000 Well, one of the most terrifying ones was the Zodiac Killer because he was obviously super smart.

00:22:00.000 He would write things in code.

00:22:01.000 He would leave them messages to crack.

00:22:04.000 He would also write letters to the victim's families.

00:22:06.000 Yeah, and he never got caught.

00:22:08.000 He never got caught.

00:22:09.000 They don't know who that guy was. 0.99

00:22:10.000 There's all these different fucking speculations. 0.98

00:22:13.000 None of them, you know, seem to be 100%. 0.99

00:22:15.000 They have some idea.

00:22:17.000 Like, you know, people said, that was my dad.

00:22:19.000 People said, I know the guy.

00:22:21.000 But whoever the guy was, he had to be above average intelligence.

00:22:25.000 Very, very smart. 0.94

00:22:26.000 Which is fucking terrifying that someone could be very, very smart and just want to... 0.99

00:22:30.000 And a sadist. 1.00

00:22:31.000 Just want to fucking kill people. 1.00

00:22:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:22:33.000 And they're out there.

00:22:35.000 I look at it as like, what is that book?

00:22:39.000 Do you ever read The Demonic Mail about chimps?

00:22:44.000 Actually, apes and how human beings are bipolar apes, capable of incredible kindness and incredible cruelty. 0.69

00:22:50.000 And if you look at apes, they'll do that. 0.52

00:22:53.000 Like, chimps will... 0.99

00:22:54.000 Fucking kill each other and bite each other, but then they're incredibly caring other young sometimes. 1.00

00:22:59.000 And we're a bipolar ape, you know? 1.00

00:23:01.000 But that could have a genetic usefulness, apparently, like the variation in genes, one extreme to the other.

00:23:10.000 One extreme being, I don't know, Mother Teresa, the other extreme being Jeffrey Dahmer.

00:23:13.000 And we all kind of live somewhere in the middle, but geneticists will tell you that you need both extremes, you know, to create the mean. 0.99

00:23:20.000 It's pretty fucking, you know, you start getting into the science, you're like, God damn it! 0.96

00:23:24.000 When you start thinking about that, if you think about needing both sides, like, does that exist everywhere in the universe? 0.99

00:23:30.000 Is there a hot and a cold?

00:23:31.000 Is there always an evil and a grud?

00:23:35.000 Does the evil make the good better?

00:23:37.000 Does it make it feel better?

00:23:39.000 I mean, is that a part of the whole thing?

00:23:41.000 I think it would have to, right?

00:23:42.000 You know, it's like we were talking about people who were born with Rory yesterday.

00:23:47.000 Rory Albanese, hilarious guy.

00:23:48.000 We were talking about people born into money.

00:23:50.000 And that when people are born into money, they're never happy.

00:23:52.000 They just can't do it.

00:23:54.000 Because everything's always been handed to them.

00:23:56.000 If they don't earn it, if you don't feel that struggle of being broke, I think you and I appreciate everything we've earned. 0.96

00:24:06.000 Because when you were young, you can clearly remember that you were fucking trying to pay your bills and doing odd jobs. 0.90

00:24:14.000 There was always longing. 0.96

00:24:15.000 What kind of jobs did you do?

00:24:17.000 You worked in a bank for a while.

00:24:18.000 I worked in McDonald's.

00:24:19.000 I worked construction for a summer in D.C. in the middle of the summer.

00:24:24.000 Your story about working in a bank was so...

00:24:26.000 Oh, God.

00:24:27.000 16 months, dude.

00:24:29.000 Waking up when it was still dark, putting on nylon socks.

00:24:32.000 I literally...

00:24:33.000 I thought I was going to die.

00:24:35.000 I started to become...

00:24:36.000 I started to dislike myself.

00:24:38.000 I was being...

00:24:39.000 I became...

00:24:40.000 I wasn't even interested in what I was eating anymore.

00:24:42.000 Dude.

00:24:42.000 I became a bad person.

00:24:44.000 But that's how you got out of it.

00:24:45.000 Because your soul, whatever it was, was trying to tell you.

00:24:49.000 I woke up from a nap and I panicked.

00:24:49.000 I said, I have to be an actor.

00:24:50.000 I ran into my friend's room.

00:24:51.000 I go, okay, dude, I'm quitting everything.

00:24:53.000 And that's what happened.

00:24:54.000 I had a dream.

00:24:55.000 You know, I'll tell you an amazing study.

00:24:57.000 He's got a dream.

00:24:57.000 I'll tell you an amazing study on your point.

00:25:00.000 In the 1930s, they did this five-year study on Boston school children.

00:25:05.000 And they took...

00:25:07.000 Do you know the story? 0.97

00:25:08.000 No, but I'll tell you right now, 80% of them are twats. 1.00

00:25:10.000 No, really? 1.00

00:25:14.000 Get off me, you little fuck. 1.00

00:25:15.000 You might be right. 1.00

00:25:16.000 Dicks and twats. 0.72

00:25:17.000 But it's a really famous study that had far-reaching implications, which was they took two large groups, and for five years they gave one group a great deal of support. 0.82

00:25:27.000 Money, psychological help, tutoring, coaches, and the other group they left completely alone.

00:25:33.000 They came back 30 years later and looked at both groups.

00:25:36.000 And the group that had five years of that kind of special attention was faring far.

00:25:41.000 Far worse and had much higher levels of alcohol abuse than the other because the other group had to rely on this, become self-reliant.

00:25:50.000 And that required all the other things. 0.94

00:25:52.000 Now, you have to be careful because sometimes you can damage somebody, but certainly self-reliance and not learning helplessness, but learning the opposite is so fucking important.

00:26:01.000 Well, it's there right in front of our eyes.

00:26:03.000 We just want to ignore it.

00:26:04.000 Like, what did you just say?

00:26:05.000 You have to be careful with the stress because you could damage somebody.

00:26:08.000 Well, that's like analogous to working out. 0.99

00:26:11.000 Like, yeah, you could hurt yourself working out, but if your idea is to just stay a piece of veal in a room that's padded so that your body doesn't ever move and get injured or get strong as shit... 0.94

00:26:22.000 So that, you know, you could do a lot of things with your body. 0.97

00:26:25.000 Yeah.

00:26:25.000 Like, would you rather, like, not be in pain all the time and not, like, feel your body deteriorating?

00:26:32.000 Right.

00:26:32.000 You know, I don't mean sore from working out.

00:26:34.000 I mean, like, when you have nothing, you have no muscle, everything is just mush and goo, and slowly gravity starts pulling you towards the bottom.

00:26:44.000 Well, that's what happens if you don't ever risk exercising.

00:26:47.000 The same thing with your brain.

00:26:48.000 You build neural pathways in your brain.

00:26:51.000 You can literally build them. 0.98

00:26:52.000 Yeah, I would think that with everything in this world, you can either resist and then grow stronger because of resisting, or never resist and have this apathetic way of approaching whatever the fuck it is you're doing.

00:27:06.000 Everything you do is hard to do.

00:27:09.000 Everybody's like, oh, you know what's really hard?

00:27:11.000 Making watches.

00:27:12.000 You know what's really hard?

00:27:13.000 Everything that's done well.

00:27:15.000 That's right, man.

00:27:15.000 That's what's really hard.

00:27:16.000 That's so true.

00:27:16.000 Everything that's done well.

00:27:17.000 That's so true. 0.98

00:27:18.000 That's why that fucking Jiro Dreams of Sushi movie is so fucking interesting. 0.99

00:27:22.000 Amazing. 0.99

00:27:22.000 Because who gives a fuck? 0.99

00:27:23.000 The guy's just making sushi. 0.99

00:27:26.000 So what did you try to get me to watch that?

00:27:28.000 His parents didn't like him, remember?

00:27:29.000 Yeah.

00:27:29.000 He said, my parents didn't like me.

00:27:31.000 Yeah.

00:27:32.000 That's what drives him.

00:27:33.000 He looked like he was going to cry when he was 90. What was that expression that they use?

00:27:37.000 What's that expression they use where a guy who's just a complete master at something?

00:27:41.000 I forget what the expression was.

00:27:43.000 Maestro?

00:27:43.000 No, no, no.

00:27:44.000 It was a Japanese expression that they were using to describe how this guy who had worked so meticulously on creating this egg dish.

00:27:53.000 Remember he was making that egg dish for like a year?

00:27:56.000 Yeah.

00:27:56.000 And he just couldn't get it right?

00:27:57.000 And one day the guy, you know, said you got it right and then gave him this Japanese... 0.91

00:28:03.000 See if you can find it. 0.99

00:28:04.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 0.99

00:28:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:28:05.000 From the movie Jiro Dreams of Sushi.

00:28:07.000 Yeah.

00:28:08.000 It was one of his apprentices who just kept throwing the custard away and finally got it right.

00:28:15.000 They have this weird egg dish that they make and it has to be perfect.

00:28:18.000 It's like I'm not sure how they're doing it but eventually after a year this guy got it right and he was so happy he said he cried.

00:28:28.000 Shokunin.

00:28:29.000 Shokunin, yeah.

00:28:30.000 Shokunin?

00:28:31.000 What is it?

00:28:31.000 What is the definition?

00:28:33.000 Is it like a Wikipedia definition?

00:28:34.000 What does it say?

00:28:36.000 Shokunin.

00:28:38.000 Here, I'll Google it.

00:28:39.000 Spell it.

00:28:40.000 S-H-O-K-U-N-I-N. K-U-N-I-N. Okay. 1.00

00:28:45.000 Shokunin.

00:28:47.000 The Japanese word Shokunin.

00:28:50.000 Okay.

00:28:51.000 Literally translated, artists and craftsmen who feel deep obligation...

00:28:57.000 It's why I don't like political correctness because I think it's a lie.

00:29:01.000 We live in a culture that is always telling you you have to feel good.

00:29:06.000 And I think anything worth it, it takes exactly what you're talking about.

00:29:11.000 Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to feel good.

00:29:13.000 I think the real issue with political correctness is that it avoids intent and it ignores the complex subtleties of human communication.

00:29:22.000 It ignores the reality that one person can say something How about this?

00:29:27.000 You can say something one time and it's offensive.

00:29:30.000 And you can say the same thing when you're in a better mood and a better situation.

00:29:34.000 And it's hilarious.

00:29:36.000 You could be in the wrong state of mind when you say it.

00:29:38.000 Or you could say it clumsily and people don't accept it.

00:29:42.000 You could say it after something that people might think it's insensitive if you said it and they're not willing to go along on the ride with you.

00:29:48.000 Or you could say that same thing in front of the same people in a different circumstance and they could howl laughing.

00:29:55.000 I think you're the funniest guy ever.

00:29:56.000 I can't believe you said that.

00:29:57.000 Oh my god, he's so crazy.

00:30:00.000 Political correctness applies as you apply it to humor.

00:30:04.000 The big issue, the number one issue is that humor is almost always about something you didn't expect or something you can relate to.

00:30:13.000 And both of those things, something you can relate to, you're telling me you can't relate to racist stuff? 0.97

00:30:20.000 Look, there's certain amount of racist stuff that's fucking hilarious, including racist stuff against white people. 1.00

00:30:26.000 When Richard Pryor used to do that, you know, oh, your mom a motherfucker. 1.00

00:30:29.000 My mom, she's a great old gal. 1.00

00:30:32.000 That is a racist joke. 0.99

00:30:34.000 That's making fun of white people that are goofy. 1.00

00:30:37.000 You can't even, oh, your mom a motherfucker. 1.00

00:30:39.000 You can't even say that to them at work. 1.00

00:30:41.000 Right.

00:30:41.000 I mean, that's racist.

00:30:42.000 Is it?

00:30:43.000 Or is it racial?

00:30:44.000 Is it only racist if a white person does it? 0.98

00:30:46.000 And racial if a black person does it? 0.99

00:30:48.000 I mean, what is it?

00:30:49.000 It's a type of humor.

00:30:50.000 Yeah, well, there's, I guess, the difference between racism and bigotry.

00:30:55.000 Bigotry is an individual thing, right?

00:30:56.000 So I'm bigoted.

00:30:57.000 You can be bigoted against fat people or whatever.

00:30:59.000 Whereas racism, just the definition of...

00:31:02.000 Applies to the institution of racism.

00:31:05.000 So that's why it was always used more sensitively to black people in this country, at least, because when you live in a racist society, the institutions themselves are stacked against you because they are racist.

00:31:18.000 Well, that's why you can't have a white pride shirt, but you can have a brown pride shirt if you're Mexican, or Cain Velasquez with his tattoo.

00:31:25.000 That's right.

00:31:26.000 Like Roy Nelson joked around like he fought Cain Velasquez and had a white pride tattoo on his chest like the brown pride on Cain's chest.

00:31:33.000 What would anybody be able to do?

00:31:35.000 I mean, there's something to that, right?

00:31:37.000 Yeah.

00:31:38.000 But there's not because, of course, no one owned white people. 0.99

00:31:42.000 There wasn't a bunch of white people that were kidnapped over in Iceland and thrown onto a fucking slave ship and dragged over to America. 0.90

00:31:49.000 Your text was so funny about, I don't know if I can even say it, but when I was like, they're honoring women in film. 0.97

00:31:54.000 Can I say it?

00:31:55.000 Yeah, say it.

00:31:56.000 And you were like, women in film?

00:31:58.000 Haven't women always been in film? 1.00

00:31:59.000 And then you go, what if they honored white men in film?

00:32:02.000 I wonder what would happen then.

00:32:03.000 I wonder what kind of an uproar that would be.

00:32:05.000 If you had a thing honoring men in film, especially white men.

00:32:10.000 Because you could do black men.

00:32:12.000 Right.

00:32:12.000 Black men in film, that would be like a real black tie affair.

00:32:16.000 Sure. 0.84

00:32:16.000 You would go there and dress in your best. 0.84

00:32:18.000 Right.

00:32:19.000 Put on your shiniest shoes.

00:32:21.000 But what I said was, you said it's women in film. 0.76

00:32:25.000 Aren't women in every movie? 1.00

00:32:26.000 Right.

00:32:27.000 They're basically in every movie.

00:32:28.000 How many movies don't have women? 1.00

00:32:31.000 Well, they all have.

00:32:33.000 It's very rare.

00:32:33.000 Haven't they always been in movies, always, and forever?

00:32:36.000 I was like, yeah, they have. 0.97

00:32:37.000 I mean, yeah, they've done some awesome shit. 0.99

00:32:40.000 I don't have a problem. 0.99

00:32:42.000 This is my issue.

00:32:43.000 I don't have a problem with them honoring women in film at all.

00:32:47.000 I have no problem.

00:32:48.000 I point out, like, what if they wanted to do white men in film?

00:32:53.000 Because I know that there would be a massive outrage.

00:32:55.000 I accept the fact that people want to honor only women in film. 0.87

00:33:00.000 I accept the fact that I bet for women, it's pretty fucking frustrating sometimes, because I bet a lot of movies that women go to are just not geared for women.

00:33:09.000 Right. 0.87

00:33:10.000 There's a lot of movies like, if you go and see Transformers, that's probably geared towards anybody. 0.97

00:33:18.000 They probably cut that bitch right down the middle with stats and graphs and they probably did phone calls and fucking brought in people to analyze it. 1.00

00:33:26.000 They probably cut that bitch right down the middle, men and women. 1.00

00:33:29.000 They probably give you just enough mushy bullshit so that women go goo-goo for it. 1.00

00:33:32.000 But my girlfriend would say, ugh, if I go, hey, let's watch Transformers. 1.00

00:33:35.000 That would be her reaction. 0.92

00:33:36.000 What the hell's your girlfriend? 1.00

00:33:37.000 She's smart. 0.99

00:33:38.000 What they were honoring is the fact that it's...

00:33:40.000 Okay, like The Deer Hunter.

00:33:41.000 Like, here's a movie, The Deer Hunter. 1.00

00:33:42.000 It's a fucked up movie, man. 0.99

00:33:44.000 Chicks don't want to see a movie where it's... 1.00

00:33:47.000 And they got the fucking gun by the head, and you know he's eventually going to shoot himself, and they're playing Russian roulette. 0.99

00:33:52.000 I became an actor because of that scene, but keep going. 1.00

00:33:54.000 It's a fucking amazing movie. 0.98

00:33:56.000 If you've never seen The Deer Hunter, it's one of those movies from the 70s. 0.99

00:33:59.000 What is it, like 71 or something like that?

00:34:01.000 It won Best Picture in 1978, I believe.

00:34:03.000 Was it that late?

00:34:04.000 Yeah.

00:34:04.000 Oh, wow.

00:34:05.000 Why did I think it was way...

00:34:06.000 Either way, it's from an era where a lot of the movies don't hold up.

00:34:10.000 Yeah.

00:34:11.000 Those 70s movies, man, some of them are tough to watch. 0.99

00:34:13.000 Not the fucking Deer Hunter. 1.00

00:34:15.000 Holy shit, that's a good movie. 1.00

00:34:17.000 That was so beyond anything at the time. 0.99

00:34:20.000 Shocking.

00:34:20.000 That scene.

00:34:21.000 Shocking. 0.97

00:34:21.000 When he shoots himself in the head and grabs him. 0.97

00:34:24.000 No! 0.99

00:34:25.000 Oh, man.

00:34:25.000 Jesus.

00:34:26.000 Heartbreaking. 1.00

00:34:26.000 Fucking Christ. 1.00

00:34:28.000 When I saw that, I was at an age where I just, first of all, I took movies seriously, and second of all, I never got over that. 0.99

00:34:32.000 I was just like, I don't know what that is.

00:34:34.000 That movie was incredible. 1.00

00:34:35.000 That was Robert De Niro when he was a motherfucker. 1.00

00:34:38.000 The greatest. 0.99

00:34:38.000 The greatest at that point. 0.99

00:34:40.000 And Christopher Walken when he was a motherfucker. 1.00

00:34:42.000 I mean, he's still a motherfucker. 1.00

00:34:44.000 Christopher Walken, you give him a good role, he's still a motherfucker. 1.00

00:34:47.000 He still carries this creepy power to him. 0.99

00:34:50.000 I watched the awesome scene from Pulp Fiction.

00:34:55.000 No, true romance from True Romance.

00:34:57.000 Yeah, that's the great scene.

00:34:58.000 That's the greatest scene.

00:34:58.000 I didn't really like the scene in Pulp Fiction.

00:35:00.000 Oh, I did.

00:35:00.000 I was like, I get it.

00:35:01.000 The watch was up your ass. 1.00

00:35:02.000 Oh, I loved it. 1.00

00:35:03.000 I didn't buy it for some reason.

00:35:05.000 I loved the movie, but I'm like, that scene is like, come on, get out of here with this watch.

00:35:09.000 I know I get it. 1.00

00:35:10.000 It's up your ass. 1.00

00:35:11.000 You know? 1.00

00:35:12.000 I don't know.

00:35:12.000 For whatever reason, it didn't work for me.

00:35:15.000 But him and True Romance.

00:35:17.000 You know who I am, Mr. Wally?

00:35:18.000 I'm the Antichrist.

00:35:20.000 You got me in a vanity kind of mood.

00:35:22.000 We're going to do a little Q&A. At the risk of sounding redundant, try to make your answers genuine.

00:35:28.000 It was so creepy when he did it, too, because the words, the tone, it's a very originally Christopher Walken type of delivery.

00:35:38.000 I'd never, I couldn't believe that scene.

00:35:40.000 I was like, what?

00:35:42.000 We said, we're doing a little pantomime.

00:35:43.000 It's the pantomime.

00:35:44.000 Guy gives himself 17, whatever it is, 17 different movements.

00:35:47.000 The girl's 21. But anyway, he just goes through this whole weird, it's like, who wrote this?

00:35:51.000 But then he did that fucking Pool Hustlers movie. 0.99

00:35:53.000 Pool Hall Junkies. 1.00

00:35:54.000 People tried to tell me that was good.

00:35:55.000 Oh, God.

00:35:56.000 I didn't see it.

00:35:57.000 Oh, God. 0.99

00:35:58.000 It's fucking awful. 0.99

00:36:00.000 And there's this scene, the lion in the jungle. 0.99

00:36:02.000 It's not a good scene.

00:36:03.000 Everybody told me he gives this great speech. 1.00

00:36:06.000 I'm like, oh, that movie is dog shit. 1.00

00:36:09.000 People still recommend it. 1.00

00:36:10.000 That movie was awesome.

00:36:11.000 King of New York was great, too, when he gives this speech.

00:36:13.000 He was amazing in that.

00:36:14.000 The problem with that pool hall movie is no one could really play pool. 0.99

00:36:17.000 They're all, like, whacking balls around and shit. 0.99

00:36:20.000 They're not really playing pool. 1.00

00:36:22.000 You can't have a movie where you don't even teach the guy how to play pool.

00:36:24.000 It's got to look at least a little bit like you can actually play pool.

00:36:27.000 This is offensive.

00:36:29.000 And it's just like, come on. 0.54

00:36:30.000 It's so goofy.

00:36:32.000 The guy who doesn't want to get the job.

00:36:33.000 Why do you like pool so much?

00:36:35.000 I have no idea.

00:36:36.000 I learned it at a formative age.

00:36:39.000 It helped me transfer a lot of focus and energy that I probably would have put into bad places.

00:36:49.000 Man, you're good.

00:36:50.000 You ran a table, I think, three times.

00:36:51.000 Me and Shaw were like, just ran a table three times.

00:36:54.000 This guy...

00:36:55.000 I play a lot.

00:36:55.000 I got this table right here.

00:36:56.000 It's a stupid thing to get good at. 1.00

00:36:58.000 I totally freely admit it. 1.00

00:37:00.000 People go, yeah, you mock golf, but you play pool.

00:37:02.000 Dude, I mock everything.

00:37:03.000 I mock my own family.

00:37:04.000 Don't play golf, because you'll get...

00:37:05.000 Yeah, don't play golf.

00:37:06.000 I mock everybody.

00:37:07.000 I mock myself. 0.82

00:37:08.000 I mock you.

00:37:09.000 I mock me.

00:37:10.000 I mock golf. 1.00

00:37:11.000 I mock every fucking thing there is. 1.00

00:37:13.000 I mock... 1.00

00:37:14.000 Pink ribbons for breast cancer and walking for AIDS. I mock it all. 0.92

00:37:18.000 Everything's mockable.

00:37:20.000 Birds. 1.00

00:37:21.000 Birds can suck my dick. 1.00

00:37:22.000 Every one of them. 1.00

00:37:23.000 I mock birds.

00:37:23.000 They insult me with their freedoms.

00:37:25.000 I'm down with mocking birds.

00:37:27.000 Get it?

00:37:29.000 Come on, man.

00:37:30.000 Yeah, I mean, I think the more I can laugh, the better.

00:37:33.000 And I find the happier I am.

00:37:36.000 Like, I was listening to Jim Norton on the radio today on the Opie and Anthony show.

00:37:40.000 He's telling a story, him and Jim Florentine, about how Jim Norton was jerking off in the backseat of his car while they were driving home from a gig.

00:37:47.000 No.

00:37:48.000 He had met a girl and he was so excited. 0.98

00:37:50.000 It was so funny, I was fucking crying laughing. 0.97

00:37:53.000 Why? 1.00

00:37:53.000 Because he had met her and he wanted to jerk off before he got together with her or what? 1.00

00:37:57.000 No, no. 0.99

00:37:58.000 He met her and it didn't work out.

00:37:59.000 He hooked up with her, like, you know, maybe like, she touched him or something like that.

00:38:03.000 And then he had to go. 0.99

00:38:04.000 And he was so fired up that he had to jerk off. 0.99

00:38:06.000 So he jerked off in the car, in the backseat. 0.99

00:38:09.000 And they were telling this story. 0.99

00:38:10.000 It was fucking hilarious. 1.00

00:38:11.000 And they were telling the story how they were busting each other's balls. 0.99

00:38:13.000 And it was genuinely enjoyable for both them and for me. 0.98

00:38:18.000 It's like, it's fun.

00:38:19.000 Listen.

00:38:20.000 But people don't, you know, there's some people that just can't handle it.

00:38:23.000 I want to be laughing or learning.

00:38:24.000 Everything else in the middle is like boring.

00:38:27.000 I guess I'll eat and sleep, but over there all... 1.00

00:38:28.000 People have a problem with being stupid. 1.00

00:38:31.000 I love being stupid. 1.00

00:38:32.000 But they have a problem with it. 1.00

00:38:33.000 You know what I mean?

00:38:33.000 People don't like being mocked because a lot of times when they're being mocked, there's no humor to it.

00:38:39.000 Or if there is a humor, it's a very mean humor.

00:38:41.000 Like there's some humor that's just not funny.

00:38:43.000 But it goes back to that same thing about politically correct.

00:38:45.000 Can we laugh at it?

00:38:46.000 Every academic I have on my podcast, you know I love having all the academics...

00:38:50.000 Every single one of them, every single one of them basically says to me, what kills me is how politically correct I have to be in my classroom.

00:38:57.000 If I'm not, I could get in huge trouble.

00:39:01.000 So if you're a Harvard-Yale faculty, you better be speaking for everyone, including...

00:39:09.000 Polynesian tribes and, you know, I mean, it doesn't matter, man. 0.83

00:39:12.000 If you say anything, if you even say, it's just unbelievable, man.

00:39:16.000 And that's the number one complaint I hear from all these people.

00:39:18.000 Right, okay, but here's the big question.

00:39:19.000 This is sort of the question that I had with Thaddeus Russell and we talked about it yesterday with Rory, too.

00:39:24.000 Is this a sign of some sort of social progress that we're, like, springing back so far the other way that it's just, it's rebounding, like, some of the lost ground that was... 0.87

00:39:37.000 Given up when they had things like separate fucking fountains for men, when women could get raped and no one would do anything about it, when cops would literally ask someone, what were you wearing when you got raped?

00:39:50.000 I mean, all the different things that have happened, all the different times that people have been Homophobic or you know outwardly sexist both from towards men and towards women that the bigger the reaction that like is happening now like this this big blowback this big politically correct left-wing progressive push that maybe it's just like the waves of the ocean like we were talking about earlier the yin and the yang that you need the evil to have the good and you sometimes you need the good to just blow the fuck up so even the evil is like okay I 0.97

00:40:21.000 think the answer is yes, that the wave is pushing in the other direction. 0.98

00:40:25.000 It's a good direction.

00:40:26.000 It's a good direction.

00:40:27.000 However, you've got to make sure it doesn't become its own form of tyranny, and it doesn't get in the way of the truth.

00:40:34.000 Also, you have to realize that some people, they use an ideology to get out their aggression.

00:40:40.000 And they can choose to decide that it's relevant or justified. 0.88

00:40:45.000 And in doing so, what they are is stressed out, fucked up people who have a lot of tension in their lives. 0.88

00:40:53.000 And they have a cause. 0.96

00:40:55.000 And they find a cause that they agree with.

00:40:58.000 That makes intellectual sense and then is supported by other people and then they aggressively pursue that cause.

00:41:05.000 The point of calling people out and being nasty and vicious.

00:41:09.000 What are they really doing though?

00:41:11.000 I'll tell you what they're really doing. 1.00

00:41:13.000 They're using a cause to be an asshole. 1.00

00:41:17.000 Why? 1.00

00:41:17.000 Because they're assholes. 1.00

00:41:19.000 They're assholes that support a good idea, and they're doing it totally the wrong way. 1.00

00:41:25.000 And in doing so the wrong way and being super aggressive and asshole-ish, what you're doing is you're strengthening up the resistance to that. 1.00

00:41:32.000 So if you're asshole-ish in a right-wing sort of a way, you're going to make a bunch of asshole left-wing people that are forced to deal with your bullshit. 0.99

00:41:41.000 But consequently, if you're asshole-ish from a left-wing point of view, and you want everything politically correct, And it's not freshmen. 1.00

00:41:49.000 It's fresh people. 1.00

00:41:50.000 I mean, you're dealing with that kind of shit, which is stupid nonsense. 1.00

00:41:54.000 I'll give you an amazing example of this. 1.00

00:41:56.000 And it became a fierce, fierce debate.

00:42:00.000 You alright?

00:42:01.000 No. 1.00

00:42:02.000 Fucking terrible. 1.00

00:42:03.000 The Sally Swing. 0.99

00:42:04.000 Oh, for heaven's sake.

00:42:05.000 He spilled his coffee everywhere.

00:42:07.000 I didn't spill it anywhere.

00:42:08.000 I actually kept the coffee in my hand.

00:42:11.000 There it is.

00:42:11.000 Not bad.

00:42:12.000 Not bad.

00:42:12.000 But it was my Sally swing chair, which I love, is on some serious rollers.

00:42:18.000 Very good.

00:42:19.000 I got it.

00:42:19.000 It was very little coffee.

00:42:21.000 But this is a classic example of one of the biggest debates, intellectual debates, period. 0.99

00:42:25.000 This chair's ridiculous.

00:42:28.000 It used to be that everybody would talk about human beings, and it was sort of married to a Marxist ideology, the idea that human beings start at zero. 0.96

00:42:37.000 We are all a blank slate.

00:42:39.000 So every child is a blank slate, and whatever you socially put on it, So who says boys should play with guns?

00:42:47.000 They should also be given dolls and will make the world a better place and men won't be as aggressive and aggression is learned.

00:42:53.000 It isn't inherent and innate.

00:42:55.000 That was the dogma.

00:42:56.000 And then a bunch of evolutionary scientists started doing a lot of work, like Steven Pinker.

00:43:02.000 Stephen Pinker wrote a book called The Blank Slate, and a large part of the book chronicles when the evolutionary biologist who studied, for example, the Yanomano that take up tens of thousands of miles in the Amazon basin, the men that had killed more in battle sired more children,

00:43:22.000 had more wives.

00:43:24.000 And when that anthropologist came back with that and said, I'm studying indigenous cultures here, where aggression not only seems to be natural, because I'm not exposed to the Western ideas of what aggression is, but they fight all the time.

00:43:39.000 They have a lot of tribal warfare.

00:43:40.000 It also, when they come back to their tribes, it also seems to be that they are more attractive to females.

00:43:47.000 Well, when he came back and said that, the people that had held the blank slate theory, We're good to go.

00:44:17.000 They fight.

00:44:18.000 Aggression is human.

00:44:20.000 But here's the deal.

00:44:20.000 It's malleable.

00:44:21.000 Human beings are malleable.

00:44:23.000 Yes, they have tendencies that tend to be exhibited in their relatives, and especially in their family.

00:44:31.000 And we've known that with dogs forever.

00:44:33.000 The fact that we think that it doesn't exist in humans when it exists so clearly in dogs, like Joe, the guy I bought Johnny from, the Mastiff, He won't breed a dog if it's aggressive to people.

00:44:46.000 He won't let it breed.

00:44:47.000 He'll fix them.

00:44:48.000 He'll fix the male, and if it's a female, he'll get her fixed too. 0.62

00:44:52.000 If they exhibit any aggression towards people, done.

00:44:56.000 Any aggression towards dogs, not interested.

00:44:59.000 Not interested.

00:45:00.000 Won't let them breed.

00:45:01.000 You've met my dog.

00:45:02.000 He's the sweetest dog ever.

00:45:04.000 He's so nice.

00:45:05.000 He's just so gentle. 1.00

00:45:07.000 My four-year-old would play with him, and he's a fucking dog. 1.00

00:45:10.000 Big dog. 1.00

00:45:11.000 But I never worry about him.

00:45:12.000 He's super chill.

00:45:12.000 But then you say human beings who've had to scratch and crawl, fight and hunt just for existence.

00:45:16.000 You don't think that aggression is going to be an evolutionary necessity?

00:45:20.000 It is.

00:45:21.000 Well, how about dogs?

00:45:22.000 How about the dog that you used to have?

00:45:24.000 Gamebred.

00:45:25.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:45:25.000 That crazy dog that killed like a fucking dozen goats. 1.00

00:45:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:29.000 Two goats, a baby cow, and broke the legs of a grandfather. 1.00

00:45:32.000 And what was up with that dog?

00:45:34.000 Well, that dog was being bred for fighting.

00:45:37.000 That dog was a whirlwind.

00:45:39.000 That dog couldn't wait to get its teeth on something. 0.91

00:45:42.000 That's what it lived for.

00:45:43.000 It was hypercharged.

00:45:44.000 It was like it was on 10 all the time.

00:45:46.000 I loved that dog.

00:45:48.000 I'd go over here, and it was a little dog, too.

00:45:49.000 That's what people don't realize about pit bulls.

00:45:51.000 Skinny beagle.

00:45:52.000 The real pit bulls, they used to fight them, where they apparently still do in parts of the country.

00:45:57.000 They're like 35 pounds.

00:45:58.000 That's a big one.

00:45:59.000 They're small dogs.

00:46:00.000 Yep.

00:46:01.000 The big ones get tired, apparently.

00:46:03.000 Those big dogs, it's just like UFC fighters.

00:46:06.000 See those big dogs that are like those super monster pit bulls?

00:46:11.000 They would never fight those.

00:46:12.000 They fight the little ones.

00:46:13.000 Except for Tim Kennedy.

00:46:14.000 He seems never to get tired.

00:46:15.000 Tim Kennedy seems to just grind you down. 1.00

00:46:17.000 He's a fucking tough prick. 1.00

00:46:19.000 He's a tough prick. 1.00

00:46:21.000 What did you think about that? 0.96

00:46:23.000 I'm sorry to jump over now.

00:46:24.000 No, it's okay.

00:46:26.000 For folks who don't know what we're talking about, Yoel Romero, who is this...

00:46:31.000 Stud wrestler from Cuba.

00:46:33.000 Two-time world champion.

00:46:34.000 Yeah, he's won.

00:46:35.000 He said he's won a medal in every single wrestling tournament he entered, pretty much.

00:46:41.000 I mean, he medaled.

00:46:42.000 He was a silver medalist in the Olympics.

00:46:44.000 He medaled in the World Cup. 1.00

00:46:45.000 I mean, he's a fucking freak wrestler. 0.99

00:46:49.000 Cale Sanderson was one of the greatest amateur wrestlers of all time. 1.00

00:46:53.000 Yoel Romero beat him twice.

00:46:55.000 Twice.

00:46:55.000 I mean, he is that much of a freak when you see him in the octagon.

00:46:58.000 I almost wish, because he's only 37 years old, I almost wish we got him when he was 27. God.

00:47:03.000 You know, I mean, God, 10 years of that guy in MMA. But it was hard for him to get over from Cuba to America.

00:47:10.000 But he fought this guy, Tim Kennedy, and for the first round, he was beating that ass. 1.00

00:47:15.000 He was beating Tim Kennedy's ass. 1.00

00:47:17.000 It was just speed, and it was connection. 1.00

00:47:20.000 Every time he would hit Kennedy, but Kennedy's so fucking tough. 0.99

00:47:23.000 Kennedy's so fucking tough. 0.98

00:47:24.000 His strategy was just to make this guy work, to stay there, hang in there, gas him out, and so he starts attacking in the second round, and you see Romero breaking. 0.97

00:47:33.000 You see him slowly start to get exhausted, and Kennedy is just working him, constantly working him, constantly making him breathe, and then at the end of the round, he cracks him.

00:47:41.000 But if you didn't see the controversy on Kennedy's side, there's a video of Kennedy holding Romero's glove.

00:47:48.000 Pull this video up.

00:47:49.000 What?

00:47:49.000 Kennedy holds Romero's glove.

00:47:52.000 Oh boy.

00:47:52.000 But there's an animated GIF that probably would show it just as good.

00:47:57.000 It's hard to look at and be objective about it, because if you look at just the instance where he's grabbing the glove, it clearly looks like he's cheating and he's landing a couple punches while he's holding onto the inside of someone's glove so they can't use their arm.

00:48:14.000 But when you watch it in real time, in the full context of the fight, you realize it was a fraction of a second.

00:48:21.000 And there was haymakers being thrown.

00:48:23.000 He was holding on to his arm, and it so happened that for not even a second, he had his hand inside the glove.

00:48:31.000 Oh, okay.

00:48:31.000 But that's just a photograph.

00:48:34.000 You want to see the animated GIF. Because the animated GIF, he goes from that, which is he's holding the wrist where the glove is, which is totally acceptable, to as he's punching, for a brief moment his fingers went in there.

00:48:44.000 But then after that is when he connected with some pretty big shots at the end of the round.

00:48:49.000 Honestly, I looked at it a few times very objectively.

00:48:53.000 Let's play it again.

00:48:53.000 Play it again from the beginning.

00:48:55.000 Oh, that's a split second.

00:48:56.000 He's just fighting it.

00:48:57.000 I mean, not only that, this is all in slow motion.

00:48:59.000 It's a split second in slow motion.

00:49:01.000 Yeah.

00:49:01.000 So let's see it again.

00:49:02.000 See?

00:49:03.000 Grab.

00:49:03.000 Boom.

00:49:05.000 It's like not even a second.

00:49:07.000 It got caught, I think.

00:49:08.000 It looks like he was sliding down. 1.00

00:49:09.000 He was in the middle of fucking combat. 0.99

00:49:12.000 That's what was going on. 1.00

00:49:13.000 He was a beast right there, just swinging.

00:49:15.000 Look at how tough he is.

00:49:16.000 He's got it.

00:49:16.000 He's got a hold of the glove.

00:49:18.000 Man, I don't know.

00:49:18.000 Yeah, that looks like he's holding onto it.

00:49:20.000 It looks like, but the problem is it's happening in slow motion.

00:49:24.000 It looks like he slid down.

00:49:24.000 See if we can find it.

00:49:25.000 Well, he definitely slid down.

00:49:27.000 But one, two, I want to know how, see the thing is though, in the real fight, I don't even know if that was like, he realized he was holding it and he let go.

00:49:36.000 I mean, how much time was he holding it?

00:49:38.000 Let's see if you can find the real video.

00:49:40.000 He's swinging right now.

00:49:40.000 He doesn't care.

00:49:41.000 See, forget about this, because this is not even half speed.

00:49:43.000 We need to find the real video.

00:49:45.000 Find the real video so we can look at it in real time.

00:49:47.000 But look, I was calling it.

00:49:49.000 I didn't notice it.

00:49:49.000 Right.

00:49:50.000 If I noticed it, I would have definitely said something.

00:49:52.000 I thought that...

00:49:53.000 It's a very short time, even in slow motion. 0.98

00:49:54.000 What was way more fucked up was that Romero was sitting on a stool in between rounds. 0.97

00:49:59.000 They didn't make him stand up. 0.99

00:50:00.000 They didn't take his stool away. 0.98

00:50:02.000 There was 29 seconds between the end of the second round when he was fucking on Queer Street. 0.96

00:50:07.000 He was on the corner of Queer Street and Queer Boulevard. 0.98

00:50:10.000 He was right there. 0.99

00:50:11.000 He got fucking rocked, man. 1.00

00:50:15.000 He walked back to his corner like a drunk. 1.00

00:50:17.000 That 30 seconds is giant.

00:50:19.000 Whose fault is that?

00:50:20.000 Well, you know, they said, like Tim Kenney was saying, his corner put too much Vaseline on him.

00:50:24.000 See, that's what's wrong, because it's not the corners that use the Vaseline.

00:50:28.000 It's the UFC cut men that use the Vaseline.

00:50:31.000 And so, the UFC assigns cut men.

00:50:33.000 We use the same cut men for every event. 0.52

00:50:35.000 Impartial.

00:50:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:50:36.000 Impartial cut, man.

00:50:38.000 I mean, they certainly have friends, and I'm not saying it's impossible that someone would leave extra grease on, but I think they left the extra grease on his eye because he had a giant cut.

00:50:47.000 I saw his cut, man.

00:50:48.000 His cut was huge.

00:50:50.000 Right.

00:50:50.000 Huge cut where his eyebrow was.

00:50:52.000 Like a good solid inch and a half long. 1.00

00:50:54.000 It was a big fucking cut. 0.99

00:50:55.000 And it was bleeding. 0.99

00:50:56.000 And so they stopped the blood and they put the Vaseline on it.

00:51:00.000 But that's just what they do.

00:51:01.000 The thing was, John recognized the Vaseline and started talking about the Vaseline.

00:51:06.000 Mostly because Romero was still on the stool and people were still in there.

00:51:10.000 So he was correcting them already.

00:51:11.000 He was saying, you gotta get out!

00:51:13.000 Get out! 0.98

00:51:13.000 Second's out! 0.98

00:51:13.000 Let's go! 0.98

00:51:14.000 Let's go!

00:51:15.000 He's got too much Vaseline on.

00:51:17.000 Like, if Romero was standing up, they might have said there was too much Vaseline on, and it would have taken two seconds for them to wipe it off.

00:51:23.000 Turn towards him.

00:51:23.000 Good.

00:51:24.000 Okay, fight. 0.98

00:51:25.000 Like, a few seconds.

00:51:26.000 Yeah.

00:51:27.000 But he still sat on that stool.

00:51:29.000 Yeah.

00:51:29.000 He sat on that stool.

00:51:30.000 Just sat there.

00:51:31.000 He knows there. 1.00

00:51:32.000 Tim Kennedy's in front of him going, what the fuck? 1.00

00:51:34.000 Get up! 1.00

00:51:35.000 Like, what's going on?

00:51:36.000 And he's still just sitting on the stool.

00:51:38.000 That...

00:51:39.000 Should be it.

00:51:41.000 John should have called the fight right there.

00:51:43.000 You can't just sit on the stool.

00:51:44.000 Why didn't you take the stool out?

00:51:46.000 This guy doesn't...

00:51:46.000 But he doesn't want to do that.

00:51:48.000 See, because if he does that, then the fight doesn't go on.

00:51:50.000 And everybody misses the finality of the knockout.

00:51:52.000 And they get mad at him now.

00:51:53.000 They get mad at him!

00:51:53.000 Yeah, they're like, John, why did you...

00:51:55.000 Tim Kennedy was going to knock him the fuck out!

00:51:57.000 You saved that guy! 1.00

00:51:58.000 That's bullshit! 1.00

00:51:58.000 That's right. 1.00

00:51:59.000 I think it's good that John wanted to, he knew we wanted to see more fights.

00:52:03.000 Absolutely.

00:52:03.000 Don't rob us of the fighting, John.

00:52:05.000 But you can't let that happen.

00:52:07.000 And it's like, you don't expect it to happen.

00:52:09.000 But I guess you have to be diligent with A, some corners who they know, they know how to fucking get their way out of a situation. 0.50

00:52:17.000 They know that they can...

00:52:18.000 Look, Angelo Dundee was one of the greatest trainers of all time.

00:52:21.000 And when Henry Cooper was fighting Ali, Henry Cooper cracked Ali with a left hook.

00:52:26.000 He had a vicious left hook. 0.99

00:52:27.000 Ali's legs gave out and he fucking crumpled. 0.99

00:52:30.000 And in between rounds, Angelo Dundee realized that Ali was out, so he cut his gloves off. 0.98

00:52:36.000 Is this in real time?

00:52:37.000 Yeah.

00:52:38.000 Okay, let's see it in real time.

00:52:39.000 Back it up a little bit.

00:52:40.000 Because that's...

00:52:41.000 Yeah, that's good.

00:52:43.000 This is just a highlight reel.

00:52:45.000 Oh, okay.

00:52:46.000 Let's see if we can see that in the highlight reel.

00:52:49.000 Boy, what's up with YouTube?

00:52:50.000 It's mostly this laptop.

00:52:52.000 Is it really?

00:52:53.000 Yeah.

00:52:55.000 Hold on a second.

00:52:57.000 Well, now that we have those new things, can we not use the laptop now that we have the new connection, Jamie?

00:53:01.000 No.

00:53:02.000 It's different.

00:53:04.000 Alright, well fix that, man.

00:53:06.000 Tell me what to do and fix that. 0.99

00:53:07.000 I'm tired of that stupid laptop. 1.00

00:53:08.000 Yeah, this laptop sucks. 1.00

00:53:09.000 This laptop's bullshit. 1.00

00:53:11.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:53:11.000 It's funny, man. 1.00

00:53:13.000 Laptops of a couple years ago, they just don't want to deal with all the new shit. 0.99

00:53:16.000 You're a techie. 0.98

00:53:17.000 What about the iPhone 6?

00:53:18.000 I'm not a real techie.

00:53:19.000 No.

00:53:20.000 Do you have the iPhone 6?

00:53:22.000 I'm a tech fanboy.

00:53:23.000 I'm a fanboy-esque.

00:53:24.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:53:25.000 But I don't really know much.

00:53:26.000 Here we go.

00:53:27.000 Real life.

00:53:30.000 Yeah, that's holding on.

00:53:32.000 Yeah, that's real.

00:53:32.000 Yeah.

00:53:33.000 That's real time?

00:53:35.000 Yeah.

00:53:35.000 But it looks like he slid down and caught the glove.

00:53:38.000 He definitely did, but he was definitely holding the glove.

00:53:40.000 In real time.

00:53:41.000 But again, did he realize he was doing it?

00:53:44.000 There's an argument that could be made that he didn't realize he was doing it, but there's also an argument that could be made that he had to know when he's doing it. 0.98

00:53:50.000 But he's fucking in full animal frenzy here. 0.97

00:53:54.000 There's a difference between that and not getting up off the stool. 0.99

00:53:58.000 Getting up off a stool is totally 100% calculated.

00:54:01.000 There's no animal frenzy at all.

00:54:02.000 That's like two and a half punches, though.

00:54:04.000 Yep.

00:54:05.000 No, it's totally legit.

00:54:06.000 You're just moving forward.

00:54:08.000 I mean, if you wanted to time it, it might have been a second.

00:54:11.000 I don't think that was a strategy, though.

00:54:12.000 I don't think he was like, I'm going to grab that glove.

00:54:14.000 It doesn't feel like that.

00:54:14.000 It feels like he reaches for the hand.

00:54:17.000 Yeah, it's enough time to know...

00:54:19.000 That he's holding it, and then he lets it go.

00:54:21.000 See, he's holding onto it, boom.

00:54:23.000 Yeah, but the first one was no.

00:54:24.000 No, no, no.

00:54:25.000 The first one he's holding where the glove is.

00:54:27.000 That's legal.

00:54:28.000 You're allowed to hold the glove.

00:54:30.000 What you're not allowed to do is this, Brian.

00:54:32.000 Put your fingers inside the glove.

00:54:34.000 So you're misjudging it.

00:54:36.000 So you're saying he's holding it for a bunch of punches, but that's not the case.

00:54:41.000 Because he's holding the glove in the beginning.

00:54:43.000 See, he's holding the wrist in the glove.

00:54:45.000 Then, as Romero's trying to pull away, some of the fingers go into the glove for a second.

00:54:50.000 But you're incorrect if you think that it's illegal to hold the gloves.

00:54:53.000 So I think that's one of the reasons why people think this is more egregious than it is.

00:54:57.000 I don't think it is at all.

00:54:58.000 If he knew what he was doing, it was one second less than that.

00:55:02.000 If he knew what he was doing, it is illegal.

00:55:04.000 It's illegal what he did, for sure. 0.98

00:55:06.000 And it is in the middle of this fucking battle royale moment where he's connected. 0.96

00:55:13.000 You know, only he knows whether or not he knew what he was doing. 0.97

00:55:17.000 I would imagine when you're a fighter and you're in that wild scramble for your life against a stud like Yoel Romero, you're probably in a pure animal state, just reacting on instincts. 0.96

00:55:28.000 You've been smashed in the head who knows how many fucking times in that first round and in the second round. 0.92

00:55:33.000 I mean, Romero cracked him with some big shots, and he's a spooky striker. 0.99

00:55:37.000 And then at the end, he knocked him out.

00:55:39.000 I think Romero Romero sitting on the stool like that is a way bigger controversy than...

00:55:43.000 Well, Romero knew that the round was over.

00:55:45.000 He knew the round was over.

00:55:46.000 He knew he was getting an extra break.

00:55:48.000 100%.

00:55:49.000 1,000 million percent.

00:55:51.000 He was sitting there.

00:55:52.000 Kennedy was in front of him saying, what's going on?

00:55:54.000 Get up!

00:55:55.000 Get up!

00:55:56.000 And he still just sat there.

00:55:58.000 Yep. 0.98

00:55:59.000 I mean, that extra 29 seconds was fucking gigantic. 0.87

00:56:03.000 Because after this is over... 1.00

00:56:06.000 This fucking combination. 1.00

00:56:08.000 Boom! 1.00

00:56:09.000 Boom! 0.99

00:56:09.000 And look at this one. 0.99

00:56:09.000 Bam! 0.99

00:56:10.000 Bam! 0.98

00:56:10.000 That last left. 0.98

00:56:11.000 And that right hand afterwards.

00:56:13.000 And another one.

00:56:14.000 Dude, Romero can take it like almost nobody I've ever seen.

00:56:18.000 He fought Derrick Brunson.

00:56:19.000 Derrick Brunson head kicked him clean.

00:56:24.000 Switch kick to the head. 1.00

00:56:25.000 Boom! 0.99

00:56:25.000 He ate it like it was candy. 0.99

00:56:28.000 Didn't even buckle.

00:56:29.000 So unbelievable.

00:56:30.000 Dude, it was crazy.

00:56:31.000 Built for war. 0.94

00:56:32.000 Totally built for war. 0.88

00:56:33.000 Dude, he got chinned on the neck and just ate it like it was nothing. 1.00

00:56:38.000 It's so ridiculous. 1.00

00:56:39.000 Dude, it's so ridiculous. 0.99

00:56:41.000 Because I remember watching that fight. 0.98

00:56:42.000 I don't believe I called that fight.

00:56:44.000 I think that was a Kenny Florian fight. 0.99

00:56:46.000 But I think I was watching at home going, Get the fuck out of here! 0.99

00:56:49.000 How did that guy get hit with that? 1.00

00:56:51.000 He just ate it.

00:56:53.000 Different human being.

00:56:53.000 But he didn't even stumble.

00:56:55.000 Like, whack!

00:56:57.000 What?

00:56:58.000 He looks as close to a superhero as you get.

00:57:00.000 I mean, you don't get more feet out. 0.97

00:57:02.000 It's just ridiculous.

00:57:03.000 Dude, there's a picture of Romero with Hector Lombard and Tiago Alves. 0.82

00:57:07.000 I've seen it.

00:57:07.000 It's the most preposterous picture.

00:57:10.000 They're so ridiculously muscular. 0.94

00:57:12.000 What kind of genes are you dealing with?

00:57:14.000 These gladiator genes that these three guys have.

00:57:17.000 Even Tiago looks somewhat diminutive next to those guys.

00:57:20.000 Next to Lombard.

00:57:21.000 He looks like a normal dude almost, and Tiago's far from it.

00:57:24.000 Yeah.

00:57:25.000 It was unbelievable, man.

00:57:26.000 Next to Romero and Lombard.

00:57:27.000 There's something about them Cuban jeans, man.

00:57:29.000 Yeah, that's a different...

00:57:30.000 Cuban jeans are something else.

00:57:32.000 That's a different thing.

00:57:33.000 And oh, by the way, you've been throwing dudes around your whole life.

00:57:36.000 Yeah.

00:57:36.000 On a high level.

00:57:37.000 Well, there was that boxer from the 1970s.

00:57:40.000 I believe his name was Teofilo Stevenson.

00:57:43.000 Stevens or Stevenson?

00:57:44.000 But they always wanted him to fight Ali.

00:57:46.000 They always wanted to get him from Cuba.

00:57:48.000 He was like this amateur who'd win all the amateur tournaments.

00:57:50.000 And everybody was like, this ain't fair because Americans get to a certain level.

00:57:55.000 They're amateurs.

00:57:56.000 They get to a certain level, they turn pro.

00:57:57.000 But the Cubans never turn pro. 0.92

00:57:59.000 So they're always amateurs.

00:58:00.000 But they're being paid by Cuba.

00:58:01.000 So you got these guys who are in their late 30s who've been boxing their whole life fighting 18-year-old kids and just lighting them up.

00:58:08.000 And that's what you had with the Cuban boxing team.

00:58:10.000 Everybody would say, oh, the Cuban boxing team's the best.

00:58:12.000 Look, without a doubt, they're very skillful.

00:58:14.000 Very skillful.

00:58:15.000 But recognize that they're competing far longer as amateurs than anyone in America.

00:58:22.000 I mean, that's just what it was.

00:58:24.000 So when the Americans were still winning, like in the 76 Olympics and Mark Breland and Pernell Whitaker and Meldrick Taylor.

00:58:31.000 Was that 76 or was that Roy?

00:58:32.000 No.

00:58:32.000 76 was Ray Leonard.

00:58:34.000 That was 88. I think it was 88. I think it was 88. I think it was 88. Two or 80-80, 1980 or...

00:58:41.000 Mark Breland was...

00:58:42.000 Mark Breland Olympics.

00:58:43.000 Yeah, that wasn't 88, was it?

00:58:44.000 Was it?

00:58:45.000 I don't think so.

00:58:48.000 Whatever happened to Mark Breland?

00:58:49.000 He's coaching people now.

00:58:52.000 Huh.

00:58:52.000 Yeah, he...

00:58:53.000 1984. Oh, okay.

00:58:55.000 Gold medal in the 1984 Olympics. 1.00

00:58:59.000 Yeah, he was a bad motherfucker. 0.99

00:59:00.000 But the point is, those were all kids. 0.99

00:59:04.000 Those were all kids that took on, in some countries, like when you're facing Cuban boxers in amateur tournaments or sometimes the Soviet Union.

00:59:12.000 Yeah, they were grown men.

00:59:13.000 They weren't going to fight professionally.

00:59:14.000 There was no professional fighting.

00:59:16.000 That was always the deal with certain Soviet boxers.

00:59:19.000 But Soviet boxing has really taken off now.

00:59:22.000 All of them, man.

00:59:24.000 There's a whole shitload of them. 0.71

00:59:26.000 Who's going to fight?

00:59:26.000 Who's the Russian, I keep forgetting, Pravdnikov or whatever, who's going to fight?

00:59:30.000 Pravdnikov?

00:59:31.000 No, no, that's not his name.

00:59:32.000 The guy who's going to fight Bernard Hopkins next.

00:59:34.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99

00:59:35.000 He's a killer. 1.00

00:59:35.000 Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:59:37.000 I don't remember his name. 1.00

00:59:39.000 I just saw him fight a few weeks ago.

00:59:41.000 Gennady Golovkin?

00:59:42.000 No, Gennady Golovkin is the middleweight guy, right?

00:59:45.000 Yeah, he fights it.

00:59:48.000 54 or something.

00:59:49.000 Yeah, let's see.

00:59:50.000 Bernard Hopkins' next fight.

00:59:52.000 Yeah, that Russian guy is scary. 1.00

00:59:54.000 But Hopkins is a ridiculous freak. 1.00

00:59:56.000 Kovalev. 0.99

00:59:57.000 Sergio Kovalev.

01:00:00.000 Kovalev, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:00:01.000 He's a beast. 0.98

01:00:02.000 Yes. 0.99

01:00:03.000 It's fascinating that Bernard Hopkins is still boxing the shit out of these guys, though, at 49 years of age. 0.99

01:00:09.000 And hunting, going after guys like this guy who hits. 0.96

01:00:13.000 I think he's knocked out everybody's fault.

01:00:15.000 Yeah.

01:00:16.000 Including killed a guy in the ring.

01:00:18.000 What?

01:00:18.000 Yes.

01:00:19.000 He killed a guy?

01:00:19.000 Yes, he did.

01:00:20.000 What?

01:00:20.000 Where'd you get that?

01:00:21.000 That's a fact.

01:00:22.000 For real?

01:00:23.000 Yep.

01:00:23.000 How do you know this?

01:00:25.000 I've read about him.

01:00:26.000 Kovalev killed a man, alright.

01:00:28.000 Kovalev killed a man.

01:00:30.000 Wow, if you Google it, that comes up really quickly.

01:00:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:00:34.000 So, he's a killer. 1.00

01:00:36.000 Wow. 1.00

01:00:37.000 That's how hard he hits.

01:00:38.000 Boxer dies in the ring.

01:00:40.000 Yeah, his name was Roman Simakov.

01:00:43.000 There's a video of it.

01:00:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:00:45.000 And Kovalev didn't give a fuck? 0.99

01:00:47.000 Well, I don't know. 0.99

01:00:48.000 I mean, I don't want to say that.

01:00:49.000 But I mean, it didn't hurt his boxing.

01:00:51.000 He just kept boxing.

01:00:52.000 That's what people are terrified of, right?

01:00:53.000 A guy who can kill a guy and then go right back and be just as good?

01:00:57.000 He's got really weird power. 0.95

01:00:58.000 I mean, he really hurts dudes.

01:01:00.000 And if you see what happens, there's highlights of when he hits them and they just go, what?

01:01:04.000 What's this?

01:01:05.000 Oh, I'm getting hit.

01:01:06.000 Oh, this is a different thing.

01:01:07.000 Totally different thing.

01:01:07.000 I've never been hit by a sparring partner like this or in the gym.

01:01:10.000 This is different.

01:01:10.000 Yeah.

01:01:11.000 And Golovkin's kind of the same way.

01:01:13.000 United Golovkin hits that hard. 0.99

01:01:14.000 Yeah, there's a lot of those Soviet guys that can just fucking crack you. 1.00

01:01:18.000 It's weird. 0.99

01:01:19.000 Well, they have an excellent...

01:01:20.000 Their amateur system is so good.

01:01:23.000 It's just like the Cuban system.

01:01:25.000 Yeah.

01:01:25.000 It's supported, I think.

01:01:26.000 And a lot of them, they're starting out.

01:01:28.000 Let me see that.

01:01:29.000 Is that the fight where the guy died?

01:01:31.000 Pull it up to the beginning.

01:01:36.000 Sometimes guys also, and this is a reality of boxing, sometimes guys come into the ring itself already damaged from sparring.

01:01:45.000 Yeah, that's very true. 0.96

01:01:46.000 You know when Shob was talking about how he used to spar with Shane Carwin and he would have fights and he was fucked up when he went into the fight. 0.88

01:01:53.000 Like he said when he fought Ben Rothwell.

01:01:56.000 He's like, dude, I got KO'd just like not long before the fight by Shane, sparring with Shane.

01:02:02.000 Yeah.

01:02:03.000 They say that a lot of boxers were ruined in the gym wars. 1.00

01:02:05.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:02:06.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

01:02:07.000 Yeah, I mean, guys have died in gym wars, too, by the way. 1.00

01:02:11.000 100%. 0.99

01:02:11.000 This guy's a murderer, man. 0.99

01:02:13.000 I mean, I didn't mean that in that way. 0.99

01:02:15.000 I meant, like, ferocious.

01:02:17.000 He didn't mean to kill this guy, obviously.

01:02:19.000 He was boxing, you know?

01:02:20.000 Well, it might not have been his fault at all. 0.99

01:02:21.000 I mean, like I said, that guy could have gone into the cage already fucked up. 0.99

01:02:25.000 Yep. 0.99

01:02:25.000 Into the ring, rather. 0.99

01:02:27.000 Yeah.

01:02:27.000 It's very possible that he had a pre-existing condition.

01:02:30.000 It's very possible that it was from all the damage he took while sparring.

01:02:34.000 It's very possible that he cut a lot of weight and he didn't rehydrate properly.

01:02:38.000 It's such a tragedy to see something like that.

01:02:40.000 I hate seeing a fighter who gives his whole life.

01:02:45.000 It's just the worst, man.

01:02:46.000 Well, how about when Roy Jones Jr. got carried out of the ring and now we're seeing him fight again.

01:02:50.000 He's back at it.

01:02:51.000 He went to sleep.

01:02:53.000 Oh, he was in total parallel universes.

01:02:57.000 The one with Glenn Johnson.

01:02:59.000 Yeah, that's the damage that they say you don't walk away from.

01:03:03.000 That's the scary one.

01:03:04.000 When you go out for a long time, like when Manny Pacquiao got, you know, Marquez hit him with that left hook or whatever.

01:03:10.000 I mean, he was just...

01:03:12.000 It's not just getting hit there, then falling on your face.

01:03:15.000 Yeah, that's bad too.

01:03:17.000 You know, that's probably as bad, that thing that happens to guys when they bounce their head off the canvas.

01:03:22.000 Yeah.

01:03:22.000 That's just as bad.

01:03:24.000 Because you see when a lot of guys get viciously knocked out, it's one of the things that does it.

01:03:28.000 I remember when Mike McCallum fought Donald Curry.

01:03:32.000 I used to be a big Donald Curry fan.

01:03:34.000 Donald Curry was a sick boxer, man. 0.70

01:03:36.000 In the 1980s, he was sick. 0.95

01:03:38.000 He had just wicked technique, man.

01:03:41.000 He just threw everything perfect.

01:03:42.000 He didn't have a big build.

01:03:44.000 He wasn't built like a monster.

01:03:46.000 He just was a wicked athlete and a really good boxer.

01:03:50.000 And...

01:03:52.000 He cut weight against this guy Lloyd Hunnigan.

01:03:55.000 He had a really hard time making 147. And that was back when they just did not know how to rehydrate people correctly.

01:04:01.000 They just did a terrible job of rehydrating people. 0.93

01:04:03.000 And so he had to go up in weight class after that. 1.00

01:04:07.000 He just fought like shit. 0.99

01:04:08.000 And after that, he was never really the same again. 0.99

01:04:11.000 It was like that one loss, one time getting beaten up, and one time of losing the confidence of being the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world.

01:04:18.000 He was considered the best pound-for-pound for a while.

01:04:21.000 And then he fought Mike McCallum.

01:04:23.000 And Mike McCallum hit him with this left hook to the body, left hook to the chin.

01:04:28.000 Whack! 1.00

01:04:28.000 Bam! 1.00

01:04:29.000 And the one to the chin just sent him flying backwards.

01:04:32.000 His head bounced off the canvas.

01:04:34.000 Blam! 0.78

01:04:35.000 It's out.

01:04:35.000 Remember Ricky Hatton?

01:04:37.000 Ricky Hatton versus Pacquiao?

01:04:38.000 The craziest thing I've ever seen.

01:04:39.000 He got shut off.

01:04:40.000 You saw in slow motion his whole head look like an accordion.

01:04:43.000 Yeah.

01:04:44.000 You know?

01:04:45.000 He just got perfectly punched.

01:04:46.000 Are there more knockouts now in the UFC or has it stayed the same?

01:04:50.000 People are getting better.

01:04:51.000 If people are getting better, it makes it tougher to hit people, but they're better at hitting people.

01:04:58.000 It depends on the matchups, really.

01:05:00.000 I think there's less people that fight in the UFC now that have one very specific discipline, and they're missing the other stuff.

01:05:10.000 You never see the grapplers that can't strike at all anymore.

01:05:14.000 Everybody's dangerous on their feet.

01:05:17.000 They're not equal.

01:05:18.000 It's not equal. 1.00

01:05:20.000 But there's a lot of goddamn dangerous dudes. 0.98

01:05:22.000 There's very few people that have that glaring hole in their game. 1.00

01:05:25.000 So you can't just go in and just beat the shit out of them.

01:05:28.000 You gotta set them up just like everybody else. 0.99

01:05:30.000 They're athletes.

01:05:30.000 They move very fast.

01:05:31.000 And if you fuck up and they catch you with something, you can get in big trouble. 0.99

01:05:35.000 Especially early in a fight. 0.99

01:05:37.000 So I think that people are just better all across the board.

01:05:41.000 There's better athletes now than there's ever been before.

01:05:44.000 Guys like McGregor coming up, like Conor McGregor. 0.99

01:05:47.000 This fucking kid's a tremendous athlete. 0.99

01:05:49.000 Wonderboy Thompson, did you see that fight? 1.00

01:05:51.000 I didn't see that fight.

01:05:52.000 Jesus Christ, that kid's good.

01:05:53.000 He's great, huh? 1.00

01:05:54.000 His fucking striking is ridiculous. 1.00

01:05:56.000 He's been striking since he was like three, literally. 1.00

01:05:59.000 And he's all point style.

01:06:00.000 His hands are down.

01:06:01.000 Taekwondo.

01:06:02.000 He stands sideways.

01:06:02.000 Nobody can get in on him.

01:06:03.000 You get in on him, you're eating knuckle sandwiches.

01:06:05.000 Front foot kicks.

01:06:06.000 Front foot side kicks.

01:06:07.000 Oh, everything.

01:06:07.000 Throws front leg side kicks to the body.

01:06:09.000 Throws vicious leg kicks.

01:06:10.000 Throws head kicks. 0.99

01:06:12.000 I mean, he's fucking good. 0.99

01:06:13.000 He has a 57-0 kickboxing record. 0.99

01:06:16.000 God!

01:06:18.000 Dude.

01:06:18.000 57-0?

01:06:19.000 57-0.

01:06:20.000 And he's just starting to figure out the MMA game.

01:06:22.000 He's starting to get so comfortable.

01:06:23.000 He hasn't even wrestled that long, right?

01:06:24.000 Exactly.

01:06:25.000 I think he's a purple belt or a blue belt in jiu-jitsu.

01:06:28.000 His brother-in-law, I think, is Carlos Machado.

01:06:31.000 He's one of Machado's brother-in-law.

01:06:32.000 That's great.

01:06:32.000 So he's, you know, he's been involved in martial arts essentially his whole life.

01:06:36.000 But it was mostly just the striking.

01:06:38.000 So now you're seeing him learn to avoid the takedowns.

01:06:41.000 And once he's learning to avoid the takedowns, he's, you know, able to be much more comfortable on his feet.

01:06:47.000 Now he's getting loose. 1.00

01:06:48.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00

01:06:49.000 The guy's landed in some ridiculous combinations, man. 1.00

01:06:51.000 Mr. Dominic Cruz is looking pretty good. 0.61

01:06:53.000 Dude!

01:06:55.000 That was insane.

01:06:57.000 Brendan told me he trained with him one time.

01:06:58.000 He and Chael trained with Dominic Cruz.

01:07:00.000 And both of them, at the end of the session, they were both basically quiet because Dominic Cruz is so smart.

01:07:06.000 He was like, no, when you do this, you do this.

01:07:08.000 And he was showing them stuff. 1.00

01:07:09.000 And they were like, how smart is this fucking guy? 0.99

01:07:11.000 He's very smart. 1.00

01:07:12.000 He's very focused.

01:07:13.000 You know, I mean, you see that when you pay attention to his analysis.

01:07:16.000 He's very good at analyzing.

01:07:18.000 Like, he did a great breakdown once that I thought was really important for people to watch, for young fighters especially, of when Kung Lee knocked out Rich Franklin.

01:07:25.000 And he shows, like, the error that Franklin made.

01:07:28.000 Franklin threw a kick and the counter, like, he was right in line for the counter.

01:07:32.000 He didn't move his head off the center line at all.

01:07:34.000 And I'm like, this is so important that someone, like, draws this in a...

01:07:37.000 He had a diagram.

01:07:38.000 You know, like, one of those things.

01:07:39.000 And he's, like, showing...

01:07:40.000 He's pointing to the big screen and pointing out all the different aspects.

01:07:44.000 Because his head is always this high.

01:07:46.000 It's almost like TJ Dillashaw.

01:07:49.000 He and Dwayne watched Dominic.

01:07:52.000 Oh, well, they did.

01:07:53.000 Oh, they did?

01:07:54.000 Of course.

01:07:54.000 That's going to be a fun fight to watch.

01:07:56.000 Very fun fight to watch.

01:07:57.000 TJ, if anybody has emulated Dominic's style of movement, a lot of it's TJ. But Dominic took it to a totally different level the other night.

01:08:05.000 He looked like he was on...

01:08:07.000 Like, he was from another planet.

01:08:09.000 I mean, he was like, that was seriously like the next level technique.

01:08:14.000 Like, next level aggression.

01:08:15.000 Next level proficiency.

01:08:17.000 Next level accuracy.

01:08:18.000 Very good.

01:08:19.000 Really?

01:08:20.000 Mitsugaki's top five.

01:08:21.000 Wow.

01:08:22.000 He's number five and number six contender.

01:08:24.000 Wow.

01:08:24.000 Yeah, Mitsugaki's very good.

01:08:27.000 Very good.

01:08:27.000 Because what's interesting to me is a lot of guys who shine in other divisions, other organizations come over to the USC. Like, watching Donald Cerrone.

01:08:36.000 In that fight against Eddie Alvarez.

01:08:38.000 Eddie Alvarez.

01:08:39.000 And Eddie Alvarez is a kid.

01:08:40.000 Wasn't Eddie Alvarez the Bellator champ for a while?

01:08:41.000 Yes.

01:08:42.000 He just lost the title.

01:08:44.000 I mean, he didn't even lose the title.

01:08:45.000 He just left with the title.

01:08:46.000 And then watching when he comes out of the UFC and watching what Donald Cerrone did to him was a real eye-opener for me because he is a killer and he's a great fighter, but Donald's a different level.

01:08:57.000 Donald's got real Muay Thai.

01:08:59.000 That real Muay Thai is different than these guys that want to be boxers who just occasionally throw kicks.

01:09:05.000 There's boxers who just occasionally throw kicks, and there's guys who have left hook, right leg kick ingrained in their genetics.

01:09:12.000 When Donald Cerrone hits you with a left kick to the liver, you better lift up your left leg to check.

01:09:16.000 Because if you don't, he's coming down hard on that thigh with that shin.

01:09:20.000 He hooks with the left and then chops with the right, and it's in his DNA, dude.

01:09:24.000 He'll throw that straight right, left hook, right leg kick all day long, and you'll be in that moment because you're moving away from the left hook.

01:09:31.000 You move away from that left hook, you step to your left to avoid the punch that's coming from the guy's left hand, and he chops that right leg kick right on your thigh.

01:09:39.000 And he's bringing that knee up.

01:09:41.000 He's timing that knee.

01:09:42.000 Every time you go in for a single leg, good luck.

01:09:44.000 Boom! 0.99

01:09:45.000 You know who does that awesome?

01:09:45.000 It's Jose Aldo.

01:09:46.000 They call it the Dutchie.

01:09:47.000 They yell out in his corner, the Dutchie, the Dutchie.

01:09:49.000 Because it's a classic Dutch combination.

01:09:52.000 Dutch kickboxing being one of the most talent-rich countries ever for kickboxing was Holland.

01:09:58.000 Like, beyond.

01:10:00.000 Above and beyond.

01:10:01.000 So many great fighters came from Holland.

01:10:03.000 It's almost insane.

01:10:05.000 Ernesto Hoost, Badr Hari, Bas Rutin, Rob Kamen, who's arguably the greatest of all time, Ramon Deckers, who's also arguably the greatest of all time.

01:10:16.000 Deckers and Bas Rutin.

01:10:19.000 Bas Rutin is one of the greatest strikers to ever enter into MMA. And one of the reasons is because he had that MMA striking training from Holland.

01:10:30.000 Dealing with high-level kickboxing training.

01:10:32.000 You know, Peter Ertz.

01:10:34.000 I mean, just keep going.

01:10:36.000 On and on and on.

01:10:37.000 The great kickboxers that came out of Holland.

01:10:40.000 The training in Holland.

01:10:41.000 Even guys who aren't from Holland.

01:10:43.000 Like Tyrone Spong.

01:10:44.000 He learned in Holland.

01:10:45.000 He developed that Holland style.

01:10:47.000 Melvin Manhoof.

01:10:48.000 Holland. 1.00

01:10:49.000 Yeah, he's a killer. 0.99

01:10:49.000 Monsters! 0.99

01:10:50.000 There's like, the kickboxing is so high level there, man.

01:10:54.000 Just ridiculously high level.

01:10:56.000 So they would always call that out.

01:10:57.000 The duchy, the duchy.

01:10:58.000 And that's that left hook. 0.51

01:11:00.000 Left hook to the body.

01:11:01.000 Right leg kick. 1.00

01:11:02.000 Aldo throws it like a fucking ballerina. 1.00

01:11:04.000 It's crazy. 1.00

01:11:04.000 It's like art form when he throws it. 1.00

01:11:06.000 It's like, whoo!

01:11:07.000 Like he just spun in the air.

01:11:08.000 Like he was doing a, like he was a figure skater or something.

01:11:11.000 I really want to see, I want to see that.

01:11:13.000 I'm dying to see McGregor.

01:11:14.000 Although now, of course, who isn't?

01:11:15.000 Well, I'm dying to see Aldo versus Chad Mendes, too, man. 0.99

01:11:19.000 Mendes has improved his striking, but Aldo is always a motherfucker, man. 0.98

01:11:24.000 Mendes is going to have a hard time because he's so short and stocky. 0.98

01:11:27.000 I feel like he's going to have a very hard time getting close to McGregor, man.

01:11:31.000 He just fights at a different distance.

01:11:33.000 Yeah, well, that's why we want to see them fight.

01:11:35.000 You know, it's always interesting when someone has a big task to deal with.

01:11:39.000 But the other task is, we've never seen McGregor fight a guy who's a monster wrestler, like Mendez.

01:11:44.000 Mendez is a super athlete and a monster wrestler.

01:11:47.000 Like, what happens if McGregor gets taken down?

01:11:49.000 How well does he fight off of his back?

01:11:51.000 How well does he do when he gets clay-guided?

01:11:53.000 Like Clay Guida did to Anthony Pettis.

01:11:55.000 Just stuck on him like glue and dragged him to the ground and made a stalemate out of it.

01:11:59.000 What does he do then?

01:12:00.000 And that's a beautiful thing about watching contenders with various styles go at it.

01:12:04.000 You get the chance to see.

01:12:06.000 From a strategic standpoint, there's so many variables.

01:12:10.000 There's some variables in boxing and in kickboxing.

01:12:13.000 There's movement and different combinations you could throw.

01:12:16.000 But the variables between striking and grappling and the transitions between those two are what makes MMA so fucking exciting.

01:12:23.000 And some of the things that people boo at and they get bummed out about...

01:12:27.000 Like Clay Guida stifling Anthony Pettis to the point where he can't get anything off.

01:12:31.000 Those are good.

01:12:32.000 You have to see those.

01:12:34.000 Because you've got to know that a guy can do that.

01:12:36.000 Because when you see a guy like Conor McGregor who's just running through everybody, you go, okay, what happens if he fights a guy who just has a lightning shot that you can't stop?

01:12:46.000 Like Josh Koscheck in his prime.

01:12:48.000 A guy who, just like Yoel Romero, lightning. 0.99

01:12:51.000 Yeah, just drives you across the cage like you're a fucking pillow and tosses the knee in the air and slams you on your back. 1.00

01:12:57.000 You're like, oh, next level shit. 1.00

01:12:59.000 What do you do? 1.00

01:13:00.000 How do you react?

01:13:01.000 And we don't know that yet.

01:13:03.000 That's one of the cool things about watching different styles go at it. 0.99

01:13:06.000 You don't know what the fuck is going to happen. 1.00

01:13:08.000 I mean, McGregor could hook kick him in the face. 1.00

01:13:10.000 He could do something crazy. 0.99

01:13:11.000 The first thing he threw was a hook kick.

01:13:13.000 I don't think I've ever seen that in the USA. Very rarely.

01:13:16.000 A straight-up Taekwondo hook kick.

01:13:17.000 Yeah, I mean, Crow Cop's thrown a couple.

01:13:20.000 But it was almost like, this is how much respect I have for you. 0.73

01:13:22.000 I'm going to hook kick at you. 1.00

01:13:23.000 Well, if you are good at it, you've got a good chance of landing it because people don't expect it.

01:13:29.000 It's like this guy Larry Kelly.

01:13:31.000 We've talked about him on the podcast before.

01:13:32.000 He was a guy in Boston that was known to have a really good hook kick.

01:13:36.000 He was known for it.

01:13:37.000 Bill Superfoot Wallace had a really good hook kick.

01:13:39.000 This guy Larry Kelly, back when Billy Blanks used to be a point fighter, He hook kicked Billy Blanks in the head and sent him flying across the thing unconscious.

01:13:47.000 Wow!

01:13:48.000 It was one of the greatest...

01:13:49.000 The one thing I never...

01:13:50.000 Find it.

01:13:50.000 Larry Kelly, K.O.'s Billy Blanks.

01:13:52.000 I know we've shown it on the podcast before, but it's a weird kick to get good at because it's an awkward movement of the body.

01:13:59.000 But if you practice it, you can get it like everything else.

01:14:02.000 A wheel kick's a weird kick, but once you learn how to distribute your weight properly and whip yourself through it, it becomes easy, or at least...

01:14:11.000 You can use it.

01:14:12.000 In green.

01:14:13.000 You can use it, yeah.

01:14:14.000 It's the same thing with the hook kick.

01:14:15.000 I never really developed a good hook kick.

01:14:16.000 Me neither.

01:14:17.000 I used to hate practicing it.

01:14:19.000 It was always the thing we used to be like, alright, here's a hook kick.

01:14:21.000 Let's move on.

01:14:22.000 I want to do roundhouse.

01:14:23.000 But it's good, though.

01:14:24.000 I had, you know, look, here it is.

01:14:27.000 Watch this.

01:14:29.000 This is crazy.

01:14:30.000 Boom! 0.99

01:14:31.000 Dude!

01:14:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:32.000 Hook kick to the face. 1.00

01:14:33.000 That's crazy! 0.99

01:14:35.000 Yeah.

01:14:35.000 Watch that one more time.

01:14:37.000 Larry Kelly was, I was living in Boston, and this guy was, Larry Kelly was like one of the karate guys that you'd hear about in the western Massachusetts area.

01:14:46.000 He was like one of the best at this style, this point style of karate fighting, which there was some boom! 0.99

01:14:51.000 Look at that shit. 1.00

01:14:52.000 Crazy. 1.00

01:14:52.000 Man, he thought it was going to be a slight sidekick, I think. 1.00

01:14:54.000 Yeah, and he slid back and caught it right on the jaw.

01:14:57.000 That's amazing.

01:14:58.000 Yeah, there was a bunch of those guys.

01:14:59.000 There was Billy Blanks, and there was a couple other guys that I don't remember their name. 0.94

01:15:02.000 There was one guy named Mafia Holloway, who was this big, yoked-up black dude, who was, like, super fucking fast, man. 0.98

01:15:08.000 Those Taekwondo guys, when you watch, like, some of those tournaments... 0.87

01:15:10.000 They were karate guys.

01:15:11.000 They kick so hard, and, I mean, you get caught in the head with those kicks, like, wheel kick, roundhouse, good luck.

01:15:16.000 No doubt.

01:15:17.000 Yeah, there was a lot of those guys. 1.00

01:15:18.000 Kill you. 1.00

01:15:18.000 Very, very fast. 1.00

01:15:20.000 And especially if you try to fight them at that style.

01:15:23.000 Because that style, what it is, they lunge in, they hit each other, and then they break the action up.

01:15:27.000 It's real weird.

01:15:28.000 It's like, but there's something good. 0.93

01:15:30.000 The idea behind it is kind of silly.

01:15:31.000 Because the idea is really based on this notion that a karate man is too deadly to ever land more than one punch.

01:15:38.000 And that even when you land, people would get in trouble for excessive contact.

01:15:43.000 Like if you hit too hard.

01:15:45.000 Yep.

01:15:45.000 You get disqualified.

01:15:46.000 But I think it's funny that karate, taekwondo, and a lot of those moves like hook kick and side kick and roundhouse, you know, the way they do it in taekwondo, are kind of just becoming more relevant now in MMA. They're really good to have because you can fight from the distance.

01:16:00.000 What I was going to say is the good thing about the breaking it up is that you have to learn how to close that distance the best way you can.

01:16:09.000 The emphasis was entirely on closing the distance and landing.

01:16:12.000 The emphasis was not on doing anything after that.

01:16:16.000 So once they learned how to close that distance with ridiculous speed, if you fight people that are used to only continuous fighting, oftentimes that's not something they're good at because it's too dangerous.

01:16:27.000 You don't just launch yourself across the ring at somebody. 0.99

01:16:29.000 Because if you do, you can't get fucked up, man. 0.98

01:16:32.000 Unless you're really good at launching yourself across the ring and being evasive. 0.99

01:16:37.000 And one of the best ways to do that is to learn how to play tag.

01:16:40.000 And that's essentially what these karate guys are doing. 0.84

01:16:43.000 And if you can learn how to play tag way better than anybody else, that's a fucking giant advantage. 0.92

01:16:48.000 And that is what Conor McGregor's doing. 0.89

01:16:50.000 That's what Wonderboy Thompson is doing.

01:16:52.000 What these guys are doing is they're incorporating a point style of fighting.

01:16:56.000 And the people who are used to that Muay Thai style or a Taekwondo style, like in point fighting or continuous fighting, they're not used to it.

01:17:06.000 They're not used to someone who launches themselves with such fluidity across the cage.

01:17:11.000 That hook kick.

01:17:12.000 Unbelievable.

01:17:13.000 Reaching like that.

01:17:14.000 You wouldn't do that in a Muay Thai fight.

01:17:15.000 No.

01:17:16.000 Because you would never develop it that good.

01:17:18.000 Right. 0.94

01:17:19.000 Because to have that as your approach over and over and over again, it's really ridiculous. 0.92

01:17:22.000 Right.

01:17:22.000 Somebody's going to know what you're doing and they're going to chop your leg, but they can't when you get so good at it because you've done it to this incredible level of proficiency.

01:17:30.000 So they develop like a...

01:17:31.000 It's a weird...

01:17:33.000 Jump.

01:17:33.000 And it's the same thing with Taekwondo in a way.

01:17:35.000 Because there's a lot of Taekwondo techniques developed because they don't allow leg kicks. 0.98

01:17:40.000 Because if they allowed leg kicks, a lot of the shit you do wouldn't work. 0.99

01:17:43.000 That was one of the first things that I learned when I started kickboxing, was that there's two things that I suck at. 0.99

01:17:49.000 I suck at getting kicks in the legs, and I suck at boxing. 0.83

01:17:52.000 When I was outside kicking distance, I was good. 0.97

01:17:55.000 But when guys get close to me, I would be flustered.

01:17:58.000 I didn't know what to do.

01:17:59.000 I got punched in the face a lot.

01:18:00.000 I got my leg kicked.

01:18:02.000 Well, that's what's so different about Conor McGregor, which I didn't realize he was a national champion.

01:18:06.000 He was a national amateur champion as a boxer, which I didn't know.

01:18:09.000 And they never really talk about it in the UFC. You never see that really in his credits, but he won the nationals.

01:18:15.000 Well, it's his kicking that's almost more impressive.

01:18:18.000 Well, I'm saying that he's one of the few guys who can kick, and then when he's in there, his hands are amazing.

01:18:23.000 He doesn't have that problem.

01:18:24.000 He's an excellent boxer.

01:18:27.000 He's an excellent boxer.

01:18:29.000 What's shocking to me is how well he's picked up the kicking.

01:18:32.000 He's throwing hook kicks and spinning back kicks.

01:18:35.000 That's his opening moves.

01:18:37.000 I really think a lot of it is like he truly is after, in such a single-minded way, such a single-minded way, the championship.

01:18:47.000 That's all that matters.

01:18:49.000 He's next level.

01:18:50.000 There's next level guys.

01:18:52.000 There's like, okay, here's the new evolution. 0.98

01:18:54.000 The next level guy is a guy who's a wicked boxer, who's got an iron chin, who fucking totally believes in himself, has charisma coming out of every fucking pore in his body. 0.99

01:19:02.000 Oh, and he can knock you the fuck out. 0.99

01:19:05.000 With any hand. 1.00

01:19:06.000 And he calls it.

01:19:07.000 He predicts it like Ali. 0.99

01:19:09.000 Predict that he's going to knock out the number five guy in the world in the first round.

01:19:12.000 And he did it.

01:19:13.000 Dressed to the nines.

01:19:14.000 Yeah, he's hilarious.

01:19:15.000 He's awesome. 0.87

01:19:16.000 Fucking love the guy. 0.91

01:19:17.000 So do I. And a guy like that, man, that's next level shit. 1.00

01:19:20.000 That's like, everything that Jon Jones has failed to do with the public, this fucking guy has done without even winning the championship. 1.00

01:19:27.000 Incredible. 0.95

01:19:28.000 It's fascinating.

01:19:29.000 Because a lot of people...

01:19:30.000 I've always tried to figure out what it is about someone that makes people like them.

01:19:34.000 It's so hard to tell, man. 0.99

01:19:36.000 You don't know what the fuck it is. 0.99

01:19:38.000 I never saw a guy like McGregor coming. 1.00

01:19:40.000 I never saw that.

01:19:41.000 I always felt like...

01:19:43.000 A lot of it's just being able to rise up to the hype, right?

01:19:46.000 So it's one thing to talk a big game.

01:19:49.000 It's another when you are actually championship material.

01:19:52.000 When you're skill level...

01:20:02.000 Yeah.

01:20:10.000 You know, and he did it. 1.00

01:20:11.000 Poirier's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:20:12.000 He just got caught up in the headlights. 1.00

01:20:15.000 You know, McGregor's no joke.

01:20:17.000 He's really good.

01:20:18.000 And again, he's next level.

01:20:19.000 Well, you were at the weigh-in.

01:20:20.000 What was he saying to him?

01:20:21.000 I wasn't at the weigh-in.

01:20:22.000 I was in Toronto.

01:20:23.000 Yeah, he's a...

01:20:24.000 It's a fascinating time for martial arts, man.

01:20:28.000 Really interesting time because all these techniques that were thought to be not like pivotal techniques have become pivotal techniques like front kicks to the face.

01:20:36.000 That's not even a flashy technique, but once Anderson landed it on Vitor, all of a sudden it became like a number one technique.

01:20:43.000 And then Brown landed it on Alistair.

01:20:46.000 Yeah. 0.82

01:20:47.000 He landed it perfectly in that fucking, oh my god, it's Vitor, or not Vitor, Vitor getting knocked out by Anderson, but Randy getting knocked out by Machida with a jumping front kick. 0.96

01:20:57.000 Machida took it to the next level. 0.98

01:20:59.000 I want to thank Mr. Sivisgaard.

01:21:02.000 This made a front kick.

01:21:03.000 It's so crazy that these techniques, like, that no, and now Thompson does, like, a lot of, like, front leg round kicks. 0.99

01:21:10.000 He does a lot of weird shit. 0.99

01:21:11.000 He sneaks kicks over behind your shoulder and then chops down. 1.00

01:21:14.000 Josh Thompson?

01:21:15.000 No, Wonderboy Thompson, Stephen Thompson.

01:21:17.000 He's doing a lot of, like, weird, interesting karate kicks.

01:21:20.000 Yeah.

01:21:20.000 Josh Thompson's got some serious kicks, too.

01:21:22.000 He's, like, the first guy to stop Nate Diaz in the octagon.

01:21:24.000 He head kicked him.

01:21:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:21:26.000 That was fucking nasty. 0.99

01:21:28.000 That was a vicious fight. 0.99

01:21:29.000 Nick Diaz is really coming back to fight.

01:21:31.000 Anderson Silva.

01:21:32.000 Yeah.

01:21:33.000 When is that?

01:21:34.000 January.

01:21:35.000 You want to be there?

01:21:35.000 Come on.

01:21:36.000 I got a show.

01:21:37.000 Do the show at the Mirage.

01:21:41.000 At the Mirage?

01:21:42.000 What day in January?

01:21:44.000 It's like whatever January 2nd is.

01:21:46.000 I'll figure it out.

01:21:46.000 January 1st, probably?

01:21:48.000 I'll figure it out.

01:21:48.000 Do you have a New Year's show anywhere?

01:21:50.000 Yeah.

01:21:51.000 Where you at?

01:21:51.000 I'll be in Bora Bora with my family.

01:21:53.000 What?

01:21:54.000 So you're never going to make a show in Vegas.

01:21:56.000 How dare you?

01:21:56.000 Oh, it's New Year's.

01:21:58.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:21:58.000 What are you, retarded? 1.00

01:21:59.000 What are we talking about here? 1.00

01:22:00.000 I don't know.

01:22:01.000 I kept thinking it was after that.

01:22:02.000 This is Brian, by the way.

01:22:03.000 Maybe I'll be back.

01:22:03.000 He'll tell you, I'll be at your party.

01:22:05.000 Maybe I'll be back.

01:22:06.000 Hey, I'm going to be in Russia for a month.

01:22:07.000 What?

01:22:08.000 How are you going to come to my party? 1.00

01:22:09.000 You RSVP'd, you dick. 1.00

01:22:13.000 You're such a child. 1.00

01:22:14.000 Well, that's why you're funny.

01:22:15.000 I'm in Bora Bora.

01:22:16.000 Speaking of which, I'll be in...

01:22:18.000 I like irresponsible people.

01:22:19.000 I'll be at the Atlanta Improv October 16th, 17th, and 18th.

01:22:23.000 Just plug it like that. 0.65

01:22:24.000 That's weird.

01:22:24.000 What?

01:22:25.000 You were talking about where you'd be?

01:22:26.000 No, no, no.

01:22:26.000 I didn't talk about where I'd be.

01:22:27.000 What?

01:22:27.000 I just happened to have...

01:22:28.000 Wait, okay, there's a better way to do it.

01:22:30.000 We're talking about fights.

01:22:31.000 You want to be there for the fight.

01:22:31.000 But do you want me...

01:22:32.000 When do you want me?

01:22:32.000 Not October 16th, 17th, and 18th, right?

01:22:35.000 Tickets aren't even sale for my thing yet.

01:22:37.000 No.

01:22:37.000 Oh, because I'll be in Atlanta.

01:22:39.000 Trying to bring you in.

01:22:40.000 The Improv.

01:22:41.000 That's where you're at for what, New Year's?

01:22:43.000 No, I'm with my family.

01:22:45.000 I'm talking about October.

01:22:46.000 Why are you going to Bora Bora? 0.99

01:22:47.000 What the fuck is going on? 0.99

01:22:48.000 Because my dad's taking everybody. 1.00

01:22:49.000 The whole family, kids and everything.

01:22:51.000 The patriarch.

01:22:53.000 Yep.

01:22:53.000 I was like, really?

01:22:54.000 Alright.

01:22:56.000 I've never been.

01:22:57.000 I get nervous on vacation.

01:22:58.000 I'm just not good.

01:22:59.000 Really?

01:23:00.000 You get nervous?

01:23:01.000 I just get restless.

01:23:02.000 I can't hang.

01:23:03.000 Here's your reality.

01:23:05.000 Our life is way more fun than average. 1.00

01:23:08.000 You get to be a goddamn comedian all the time. 0.99

01:23:11.000 It's a Friday night and there's no show. 1.00

01:23:14.000 You look at your watch and you go, shit, I could be on stage right now. 0.99

01:23:17.000 It's like Chris D'Elia. 0.99

01:23:18.000 Chris D'Elia was like, if I'm not, why would I do anything? 0.99

01:23:21.000 Why would I talk to you, dude, when all I do is crush and cum? 0.96

01:23:30.000 He's like, you know what I like to do? 1.00

01:23:31.000 I go, crush and cum. 0.99

01:23:33.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

01:23:34.000 Yeah!

01:23:36.000 How about Chris living in a good old pocket there?

01:23:38.000 I was loving it. 0.97

01:23:40.000 His Instagram cracks me up and he's just fucking loving stand-up. 0.95

01:23:44.000 Just selling out, selling out all over the place. 0.95

01:23:47.000 It's nice to be in a place where everything starts clicking.

01:23:51.000 You see guys like him, everything is clicking.

01:23:54.000 It's all firing together.

01:23:57.000 It's cool to watch.

01:23:58.000 Yeah, man.

01:23:59.000 I've been watching a lot of stand-up over the last few weeks.

01:24:02.000 Really?

01:24:02.000 Yeah, I watched Cat Williams' special, and I enjoyed it.

01:24:07.000 Some people were criticizing it, and I enjoyed it.

01:24:10.000 One of the things I really enjoyed is there's a version of it on YouTube.

01:24:13.000 If you see the version on YouTube, somebody captured one of his sets before the special was actually taped, where he was on fire.

01:24:19.000 He was just hitting every beat, getting ready for the special.

01:24:23.000 It was more loose and relaxed than the actual special itself.

01:24:26.000 I really enjoyed it better, actually.

01:24:28.000 You could see how funny he really is when he's on.

01:24:31.000 I didn't know who he was when I saw him at the Comedy Store a while back.

01:24:34.000 When?

01:24:34.000 I was so blown away.

01:24:35.000 How long ago was this?

01:24:37.000 I don't know, three, four years ago.

01:24:39.000 Oh, okay.

01:24:40.000 And I remember just watching him.

01:24:42.000 It was on Trippin' on Tuesdays or whatever they call it. 1.00

01:24:44.000 And I was just like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:24:46.000 And I walked up to him. 1.00

01:24:47.000 I go, bro, that was incredible.

01:24:49.000 Aw, thanks, man.

01:24:51.000 Very funny dude.

01:24:52.000 He's powerful, man.

01:24:54.000 When he's nailing it, man, he's powerful.

01:24:56.000 20 years of comedy, right?

01:24:57.000 More than that.

01:24:58.000 That's my kind of comedy, too.

01:25:00.000 I love his kind of comedy. 0.95

01:25:02.000 It's just so ridiculous. 0.98

01:25:03.000 When he had that issue, like he had a bunch of arrests and all kinds of shit, I was really bummed out, because he's one of my favorite guys to watch. 0.98

01:25:09.000 I'm like, please don't spiral. 0.70

01:25:11.000 Don't spiral.

01:25:12.000 Keep it together, man.

01:25:12.000 Is he back, though?

01:25:13.000 Yeah.

01:25:14.000 Well, only he knows, but he did that special.

01:25:18.000 That was a big thing.

01:25:19.000 He did it on HBO. Spike Lee directed it.

01:25:21.000 That was a big thing.

01:25:23.000 I think he's the funniest.

01:25:24.000 He makes me laugh the most.

01:25:26.000 Kills me.

01:25:26.000 When he's on.

01:25:27.000 But Stanhope makes me laugh hard too, but in a totally different way. 1.00

01:25:31.000 Stanhope is like pointing shit out that is just ridiculous and then driving it through the fucking skull of America. 1.00

01:25:39.000 Whereas Cat Williams is just being hilarious. 1.00

01:25:42.000 I mean, he has points. 0.88

01:25:43.000 He does make points, but he's all about being fucking hilarious. 0.90

01:25:48.000 Whether it's making fun of himself or making fun of someone else or everybody. 0.96

01:25:53.000 This is a great time for comedy, man.

01:25:56.000 It's a great time to be a fan.

01:25:57.000 Yeah, it really is. 1.00

01:25:58.000 And it's a great time to be a comedian, too, because there's so much stupid shit going on. 1.00

01:26:01.000 It's like every time you turn around, there's some new fucking stupid thing. 1.00

01:26:06.000 It's just endless, too. 1.00

01:26:07.000 There's so many things to talk about.

01:26:08.000 If I followed sports, boy, I really have material. 0.99

01:26:12.000 If you had some good NFL wife-beating material, I don't know what the fuck is going on. 1.00

01:26:18.000 But it seems like every day you turn over the... 0.99

01:26:20.000 I think it's been going on forever.

01:26:21.000 I think now it's just being more exposed.

01:26:23.000 You think that's what it is?

01:26:23.000 Huge league, a huge number of guys.

01:26:26.000 Yeah, what is the number of guys?

01:26:27.000 You're going to get three or four dudes in the NFL. How many? 0.93

01:26:30.000 I think there's 50 guys a team.

01:26:33.000 Jamie would know.

01:26:33.000 How many guys in the NFL? Minimum 50 guys a team.

01:26:35.000 What's that?

01:26:36.000 32 teams.

01:26:37.000 50 per team?

01:26:38.000 Yeah, so 50 times 32. You're going to have three or four dudes in that ratio who are going to step out. 1.00

01:26:43.000 Okay.

01:26:44.000 I'm not surprised.

01:26:45.000 There's no doubt about it, right?

01:26:47.000 Yeah, I mean...

01:26:48.000 That's a thousand-something?

01:26:49.000 What is that, 1,500?

01:26:51.000 1,500 dudes.

01:26:52.000 1,500 dudes, that's a pretty low average, actually, if you only get a few wife beaters. 1.00

01:26:56.000 I wonder what would happen if you got 1,500 cement workers.

01:27:01.000 1,500...

01:27:02.000 Probably be a little higher.

01:27:02.000 Yeah.

01:27:03.000 I'll tell you that right now.

01:27:03.000 How about 1,500, you know, whatever, fill in the blank.

01:27:07.000 Yep. 1.00

01:27:08.000 You know, that's why when everybody says, you know, oh, this guy got divorced, he got fucked over, women are cunts. 1.00

01:27:15.000 That's all you ever hear about. 0.99

01:27:16.000 But I love when I hear about people that get amicably separated.

01:27:20.000 Nobody hurts anybody.

01:27:22.000 There was a lady who got arrested who was on The Walking Dead. 1.00

01:27:26.000 She was an actress.

01:27:28.000 She had a small part on The Walking Dead. 1.00

01:27:30.000 She sent ricin, like that fucking poison, to people under her husband's name. 1.00

01:27:37.000 She tried to say that he was sending it, and it was her. 1.00

01:27:40.000 She's doing like 20 fucking years in jail for that. 1.00

01:27:42.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:27:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:27:45.000 It's fucking terrifying. 0.98

01:27:46.000 Some people take it to a whole nother level. 0.99

01:27:48.000 Are you kidding me? 0.96

01:27:49.000 I'm going to poison people. 1.00

01:27:50.000 I'm going to send poison and get you locked up in jail forever and laugh. 1.00

01:27:54.000 I'm going to set you up because you don't want to be with me anymore. 1.00

01:27:57.000 Or you cheated on me or you fucking wrecked my car or whatever the hell he did. 0.98

01:28:01.000 I don't know what he did. 0.99

01:28:02.000 I know a guy who was dating a girl.

01:28:03.000 He had a fight.

01:28:05.000 He fell asleep.

01:28:08.000 He took a pill to fall asleep on the plane. 0.93

01:28:10.000 She unzipped his pants and pulled out his junk and let it sit there. 0.91

01:28:14.000 And he got in real trouble for that. 0.98

01:28:16.000 Oh my god.

01:28:17.000 How did he ever get out?

01:28:19.000 He had to go to court.

01:28:20.000 He had to hire a lawyer and go to court and everything, in fact.

01:28:24.000 And yeah, it was a major.

01:28:27.000 And they were even thinking about having him, he was going to maybe even have to register as a sex offender.

01:28:32.000 It became a real issue.

01:28:33.000 It was a nightmare.

01:28:36.000 This story goes on, but I won't talk about it in public. 1.00

01:28:38.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:28:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:28:39.000 She was crazy. 1.00

01:28:40.000 Oh my god. 0.78

01:28:41.000 Well, that can happen because you know what, man?

01:28:43.000 You don't know. 1.00

01:28:43.000 They can't scan your brain and say, oh, this guy's a sex pervert. 1.00

01:28:46.000 He's just a guy that got caught up in a relationship with a crazy person. 0.99

01:28:50.000 But, you know, there's so much power.

01:28:54.000 In accusing someone of something or in setting someone up.

01:28:57.000 There's so much power.

01:28:58.000 If someone can do that, male or female, someone can send anthrax in your name and get you busted and watch it all from the sidelines.

01:29:07.000 Ha ha ha!

01:29:07.000 My plan worked!

01:29:09.000 Jesus! 1.00

01:29:09.000 Like, what kind of a sick fuck human is that? 1.00

01:29:12.000 A few ways to get caught, though, when those forensics guys come in and they start asking you questions, they're like, well, let's go through this. 1.00

01:29:17.000 Well, all they have to do is get your DNA. So many people, they leave DNA on envelopes.

01:29:22.000 They don't even realize that you're a sweaty fuck. 1.00

01:29:24.000 You licked that envelope? 1.00

01:29:25.000 Oh, you licked it. 0.99

01:29:27.000 Congratulations, you're arrested for the rest of your life. 0.81

01:29:29.000 One of the best people I know is such a good guy.

01:29:31.000 He got accused besides you.

01:29:35.000 In the workplace.

01:29:39.000 How do you suddenly get hurt?

01:29:41.000 One of the best people I know got accused of sexual harassment and got suspended from his job for a year.

01:29:47.000 It was a government job.

01:29:48.000 So he hires a lawyer.

01:29:50.000 Did he really sexually harass them?

01:29:51.000 No, no.

01:29:52.000 Are you sure?

01:29:52.000 The story is crazy.

01:29:54.000 The story was he said something in allusion to her dress that had relevance to something else.

01:30:00.000 And she goes, I don't feel comfortable and ran out, but she has a history of doing this to people.

01:30:04.000 So, he hires a lawyer, a woman.

01:30:07.000 He says, you have to hire this woman. 1.00

01:30:09.000 My buddy said...

01:30:10.000 They went and sat at a table.

01:30:14.000 And before it even got to any kind of trial or anything, they usually think about arbitration.

01:30:18.000 He said she started asking this woman some questions.

01:30:21.000 And you've got to realize, this woman thought she could get away with a lie. 0.59

01:30:25.000 But all of a sudden, she got in the ring with somebody who does this for a living.

01:30:30.000 With a lawyer who specializes in people who...

01:30:34.000 Fraudulent claims.

01:30:35.000 Fraudulent claims.

01:30:36.000 So all of a sudden...

01:30:38.000 She started asking this woman questions that my friend hadn't even thought of.

01:30:42.000 And he said, dude, it was the crate.

01:30:44.000 He eviscerated her until she finally said, I don't feel comfortable.

01:30:47.000 I don't want to do this.

01:30:49.000 She jumbled her hands.

01:30:50.000 I don't feel comfortable.

01:30:51.000 I don't want to do this.

01:30:52.000 And she goes, so do you want to drop the charges because you were maybe fabricating the circumstances?

01:30:58.000 I don't, whatever, whatever.

01:31:00.000 Well, it went away.

01:31:01.000 But it's still scary that someone could just do that to decide. 1.00

01:31:05.000 Fuck yeah, it is. 1.00

01:31:06.000 They decide they hate you. 1.00

01:31:07.000 Fuck yes. 1.00

01:31:08.000 Or they decide they love you and you don't want to have anything to do with them. 1.00

01:31:12.000 Oh, God.

01:31:12.000 Play Misty for me.

01:31:13.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:14.000 Man, there's a lot of that out there, man. 1.00

01:31:16.000 People are fucking nuts. 1.00

01:31:17.000 Male and female, both sides. 1.00

01:31:19.000 That's why it's gross when anybody ever goes one way or the other.

01:31:22.000 I'm all for women's rights. 0.77

01:31:23.000 I'm all for men's rights.

01:31:25.000 Some women I don't like at all. 1.00

01:31:27.000 I'm just all for fair.

01:31:28.000 Some men, I don't want to be around ever for the rest of my life.

01:31:32.000 It doesn't matter what gender they are. 1.00

01:31:34.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:31:35.000 Should women get extra rights? 1.00

01:31:37.000 No.

01:31:38.000 Should they get equal rights? 0.98

01:31:39.000 Absolutely.

01:31:40.000 Everyone should be treated evenly by the law.

01:31:44.000 Without a doubt.

01:31:45.000 But when you're like...

01:31:46.000 When you're more geared up towards one side or the other, like, I can't get behind these men's rights dudes. 1.00

01:31:52.000 I can't.

01:31:53.000 So strange. 0.97

01:31:54.000 Look, I think there's definitely some fucked up laws when it comes to alimony. 0.93

01:31:57.000 There's some fucked up laws when it comes to child custody laws and, you know, some people do, like what you were talking about and what I was talking about, some people will make fraudulent claims about their children and they'll do it and they'll set a guy up just so that they can get total custody. 0.96

01:32:14.000 They're going to war. 0.94

01:32:15.000 So if they'll lie about...

01:32:18.000 I mean, someone who would send ricin is not above lying about what the husband did to the children. 0.99

01:32:23.000 There's a lot of crazy shit that goes on. 0.99

01:32:25.000 But it's a human issue, more than it's a male-woman issue. 1.00

01:32:28.000 There's some fucked up laws, for sure. 0.97

01:32:30.000 Well, I was going to say that if you took 1,500 women, I wonder how many actually have lashed out and hit their husbands. 0.99

01:32:36.000 Even in the Ray Rice video, I believe she hits him.

01:32:40.000 It's not justified, but yeah, she hit him.

01:32:42.000 But what you're supposed to do is hold on to them.

01:32:43.000 Of course.

01:32:44.000 Unless you're the same size.

01:32:45.000 Unless you're fighting Ronda Rousey. 1.00

01:32:46.000 You better throw some fucking bombs. 1.00

01:32:48.000 Or you better be ready to tap out. 1.00

01:32:51.000 I hope she doesn't break your shit off and stuff it up your ass. 1.00

01:32:54.000 No doubt. 1.00

01:32:55.000 Because she will.

01:32:56.000 But otherwise, just grab ahold of them.

01:32:58.000 Don't hit.

01:32:59.000 It's just...

01:33:00.000 And if you really are fighting a chick that... 1.00

01:33:02.000 If you're living with a chick who is prone to violence and can probably kick your ass... 1.00

01:33:06.000 Break up with her. 1.00

01:33:07.000 Break up with her.

01:33:08.000 She's too scary. 0.84

01:33:09.000 Run away.

01:33:10.000 It's too scary.

01:33:10.000 I dated a girl who used to get very physically abusive.

01:33:13.000 Ooh.

01:33:14.000 She's... 1.00

01:33:14.000 That's scary. 1.00

01:33:15.000 Called her dumb once. 1.00

01:33:16.000 She was drunk. 1.00

01:33:17.000 I didn't know she was drunk. 0.98

01:33:17.000 One of the drunks where you don't know they're drunk. 0.98

01:33:20.000 And she, like, they just act normal.

01:33:21.000 They're just kind of blank. 0.99

01:33:22.000 Why'd you call her dumb? 1.00

01:33:23.000 I called her dumb. 1.00

01:33:24.000 Why'd you call her dumb? 0.99

01:33:25.000 I can't remember, but it was just one of many things I called her. 0.99

01:33:28.000 How dare you?

01:33:29.000 She swung a boot at me so hard. 1.00

01:33:31.000 At so hard.

01:33:32.000 She was so strong.

01:33:32.000 I ducked.

01:33:33.000 I ducked in it, and I had one of those sliding closets, and it just went right through that sliding closet.

01:33:39.000 Just a hole in it.

01:33:41.000 Whoa.

01:33:41.000 I was like, what is going on here, man?

01:33:43.000 I mean, it was nuts.

01:33:44.000 It was. 1.00

01:33:45.000 Did you fuck her after that? 1.00

01:33:46.000 Sure did. 1.00

01:33:46.000 Yeah, I knew it. 1.00

01:33:47.000 I held her down.

01:33:48.000 I said, hey, calm down, calm down. 1.00

01:33:49.000 And then we fucked. 0.99

01:33:51.000 Well, that's the best part of that kind of relationship. 0.99

01:33:53.000 That's what people like, right?

01:33:54.000 That was fun for a year.

01:33:56.000 Until I had to figure out a way to evict her. 0.51

01:33:59.000 Yeah.

01:34:00.000 Okay, let's not talk any further.

01:34:01.000 I know who that is.

01:34:03.000 You know, the violent part and the making up part, a lot of times that's like what they grew up with, right?

01:34:08.000 Yeah.

01:34:09.000 Yeah, or they run out of...

01:34:12.000 I think a lot of times violence is an offshoot of running out of other ammunition.

01:34:17.000 So you can't think of something witty to say.

01:34:20.000 You can't really think of a comeback.

01:34:22.000 You don't even know what to do.

01:34:24.000 I think a lot of times it's almost like...

01:34:26.000 You regress immediately.

01:34:28.000 You just strike.

01:34:29.000 Because children, when they don't have the language, they'll hit. 0.96

01:34:32.000 I dated a girl when I was in high school.

01:34:35.000 And we broke up and she was dating this dude.

01:34:39.000 And we used to work at the same place.

01:34:42.000 And when I went to visit her once...

01:34:44.000 I was talking to her and she was telling me, she was crying, telling me about this guy that she was dating that beats her.

01:34:50.000 He hits her.

01:34:51.000 And I was like, oh my god, I couldn't believe it. 0.99

01:34:54.000 And then she goes, you know what's really fucked up? 0.98

01:34:58.000 I like it. 0.98

01:35:00.000 I could have finished that sentence for you.

01:35:01.000 I go, you like it?

01:35:02.000 Yeah.

01:35:03.000 And she goes, yeah, I like it.

01:35:04.000 I don't know why.

01:35:05.000 I like it when he hits me.

01:35:06.000 I go, you like it when he hits you.

01:35:08.000 Yeah.

01:35:09.000 I go, like, do you want him to keep hitting you? 1.00

01:35:11.000 She's like, no, I'm just fucked up. 1.00

01:35:13.000 And I go, whoa. 0.99

01:35:15.000 I go, I mean, he like, he broke her window.

01:35:17.000 He punched through her window.

01:35:18.000 Because she's important enough.

01:35:20.000 She's important enough to elicit an insane response so she feels valued.

01:35:25.000 Well, it was fascinating to me because we were both really young at the time. 0.95

01:35:29.000 I think I was probably, shit, I couldn't have been more than like 17 or 18. And she was probably like the same. 0.77

01:35:36.000 She was like 17, I was 18, I think, something like that.

01:35:38.000 So when she was telling me this, I was like, what?

01:35:40.000 Like, you like it when this guy hits you?

01:35:42.000 Strange.

01:35:43.000 Might have been 1918. And not so strange.

01:35:45.000 But it was in that neighborhood.

01:35:46.000 You know, we were just out of high school.

01:35:48.000 You know, she had graduated, so she had to be 18. So it was just a bizarre conversation.

01:35:54.000 I was like, you can't let people hit you.

01:35:57.000 Look at how many people wore Ray Rice, how many women wore Ray Rice's jersey and number at the next game. 1.00

01:36:04.000 Because they want that violent dick. 1.00

01:36:05.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:36:06.000 They were all in solidarity.

01:36:07.000 I thought that was amazing.

01:36:09.000 Yeah, there's a weird thing. 1.00

01:36:11.000 It's a weird thing when people just decide to fucking jump on board with the asshole. 1.00

01:36:15.000 His wife came out and was very public about defending him. 1.00

01:36:19.000 Yeah, well, hey.

01:36:20.000 It's more complicated. 1.00

01:36:22.000 She got half her fucking brain knocked in. 1.00

01:36:23.000 Who knows where her judgment's at. 1.00

01:36:25.000 Dude, she got KO'd and bounced her head off the pole. 1.00

01:36:28.000 She could have easily been dead. 0.66

01:36:31.000 Easily been dead. 0.93

01:36:32.000 Easily been dead.

01:36:33.000 The idea that he hit her like that.

01:36:37.000 I don't know, man.

01:36:38.000 Also the way he dragged her out and didn't really tend to her.

01:36:40.000 No.

01:36:41.000 At all.

01:36:42.000 That was what I thought was so impersonal and strange.

01:36:45.000 If he had knocked her out and grabbed her and been like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

01:36:49.000 I reacted or whatever.

01:36:51.000 Okay, I'm a violent guy.

01:36:52.000 I play football.

01:36:54.000 But to kind of almost look at her and kind of move her with his foot, it was just like, oh, wow.

01:37:02.000 That's bad news, man. 0.99

01:37:03.000 Fucked up. 1.00

01:37:03.000 That's the most fucked up. 1.00

01:37:05.000 Well, no. 1.00

01:37:05.000 The most fucked up is the impact, the punch. 1.00

01:37:07.000 That's the second most fucked up thing is how he'd treat her like, bitch. 1.00

01:37:11.000 Get the fuck up. 1.00

01:37:13.000 It wasn't until someone showed up and people were kind of freaking out that it became something they tended to. 0.74

01:37:19.000 And by the way, there are cameras in elevators.

01:37:20.000 I don't know if you know that in 2000. Nobody was thinking that, man.

01:37:23.000 All he was thinking was, she ain't hitting me.

01:37:26.000 He's going to hit her back.

01:37:28.000 There's...

01:37:29.000 I was on a plane once with Michael Irvin.

01:37:31.000 And Michael Irvin, it's a long-ass flight.

01:37:34.000 We're going to Australia.

01:37:35.000 Just randomly happened to be on a plane with me.

01:37:36.000 And he's a good dude.

01:37:38.000 He's always at the UFC. Yeah, he's a great guy.

01:37:40.000 And a great athlete.

01:37:42.000 And we're talking.

01:37:42.000 And he was talking about this fight.

01:37:44.000 It's a foundation that he has, where he works with a lot of young kids, teaches them how to harness their anger.

01:37:50.000 And what he explained, he was explaining this to me on the flight, that when kids grow up in bad neighborhoods with this violence in the house, and then the mother's under stress all the time, it changes the reaction that the boy has to violence when he gets outside.

01:38:06.000 It changes his reaction to stress.

01:38:08.000 It makes him ultra-impulsive.

01:38:11.000 It makes him inclined towards violence.

01:38:15.000 And he was talking about how you literally have to figure out how to rewire your brain.

01:38:19.000 And he was talking for personal experience.

01:38:21.000 And he was talking about how you have to figure out how to rewire your brain in a positive way.

01:38:26.000 And that it's very important to recognize that these kids are coming out of the gate With the amount of control you expect out of a reasonable adult, they don't have that amount.

01:38:36.000 They have less. 1.00

01:38:37.000 And one of the reasons why they have less is the shit they're exposed to when they were in the fucking womb, man. 1.00

01:38:41.000 I mean, it's like, it's beyond them. 1.00

01:38:43.000 Yeah.

01:38:43.000 You know, and I think that's the case with a lot of people.

01:38:46.000 I've wondered if that's the case with myself.

01:38:48.000 You know, I don't think I was exposed to too much stress in the womb, but I was exposed to a lot of violence when I was young.

01:38:54.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:38:55.000 I remember a lot of, like, fucking crazy shit in my house, in my dad's house after my mom moved out because my dad used to beat my mom. 1.00

01:39:03.000 I remember some violent shit. 1.00

01:39:06.000 That's crazy stuff. 0.99

01:39:07.000 Dude.

01:39:07.000 You don't get over that.

01:39:08.000 I mean, that shapes you.

01:39:10.000 I mean, I remember how you were when you were younger, because the world was a dangerous place, man.

01:39:16.000 You kept things at an arm's length.

01:39:18.000 You were always ready to go.

01:39:20.000 Always.

01:39:20.000 Like, you just were always like, who's that guy?

01:39:22.000 I don't know that guy.

01:39:23.000 You gotta be careful.

01:39:24.000 Why is that guy talking to us right now?

01:39:26.000 I remember you were always paranoid that way, controlling of the environment.

01:39:29.000 And then you started to calm down.

01:39:31.000 I think weed helped a lot.

01:39:32.000 That helped a lot.

01:39:32.000 And you got older.

01:39:33.000 But when you were younger, you trusted me and maybe one or two other people.

01:39:39.000 Also, I was coming straight off of competitive fighting for most of my formative years, from 15 to 21. Then I go into comedy.

01:39:46.000 It also happened back then. 1.00

01:39:49.000 All that shit. 1.00

01:39:49.000 You didn't feel safe. 1.00

01:39:50.000 When you have a dad like you did, I'm sorry, man.

01:39:53.000 Kids aren't supposed to see that.

01:39:55.000 Or they are.

01:39:57.000 Yeah, well, by the way.

01:40:00.000 Worked out for me.

01:40:01.000 I figured it out.

01:40:02.000 It took a long time.

01:40:03.000 We spent all our time trying to shelter and protect our children.

01:40:05.000 I wonder if that's the best thing sometimes, too.

01:40:07.000 Dude, out of the gate, I trusted nobody.

01:40:10.000 I remember being five years old and thinking people were retarded. 1.00

01:40:14.000 I remember clearly seeing people argue over shit when I was five years old, going, these fucking dummies. 1.00

01:40:19.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:40:19.000 I remember being in Lebanon during the war. 1.00

01:40:22.000 How old were you?

01:40:25.000 I'll do you one even better.

01:40:27.000 I was 5th, 6th, 4th, 5th, and 6th grade, I think, or even younger.

01:40:35.000 So what is that, 10?

01:40:36.000 I was probably from the age of, yeah, 8, 9, 10 in the war.

01:40:42.000 And seeing, hearing machine guns, having to sleep on the floor, having to sleep in the basement, seeing planes bomb, you know, shoot missiles and bomb a gas station.

01:40:51.000 Weren't you like, hey dad? 1.00

01:40:52.000 How many more years of this shit we gotta deal with before we get the fuck back to America? 1.00

01:40:55.000 At one point my dad couldn't get back in. 1.00

01:40:56.000 We had to be evacuated to Greece.

01:40:58.000 But that feeling of helplessness as a boy.

01:41:02.000 Machine guns.

01:41:03.000 Men in uniforms.

01:41:04.000 Just me, my mom, and my sister.

01:41:05.000 That kind of stuff.

01:41:07.000 That stuff makes you feel...

01:41:08.000 You never forget that stuff.

01:41:09.000 Don't you think that that also sort of imparted that nomadic thing that you have going on where you could live anywhere? 1.00

01:41:15.000 Fuck yes. 0.99

01:41:15.000 You could pull up right now. 0.99

01:41:17.000 What?

01:41:17.000 Brian is one of the only dudes that I know where I could say, Hey man...

01:41:21.000 I got a place in New Mexico.

01:41:22.000 You want to move there with me?

01:41:24.000 Yeah.

01:41:24.000 Okay.

01:41:25.000 If you didn't have a family...

01:41:26.000 No problem. 1.00

01:41:27.000 You would pull up your shit and go anywhere. 1.00

01:41:29.000 I don't make attachments, bro. 1.00

01:41:31.000 At all.

01:41:32.000 I'd be like, what do you need to bring?

01:41:34.000 My clothes?

01:41:35.000 Let's go.

01:41:35.000 Let's get out of here.

01:41:36.000 I remember when you didn't have a doorknob. 0.99

01:41:39.000 He didn't have a fucking doorknob. 0.99

01:41:41.000 You know, some people say, oh, a guy keeps his door open all the time. 0.99

01:41:43.000 His door's never locked.

01:41:44.000 No, no, no. 0.99

01:41:45.000 He didn't have a fucking doorknob. 0.99

01:41:47.000 I got nothing you could steal I care about. 1.00

01:41:48.000 I would go over his house, and I would go, bro, you don't have a doorknob. 1.00

01:41:52.000 I can get on my knees, and I can look through your fucking door hole. 1.00

01:41:56.000 How about in Venice when the woman was cooking breakfast? 1.00

01:41:59.000 She's cooking.

01:41:59.000 You got it going on, honey.

01:42:00.000 She's making a meal at my stove.

01:42:02.000 The cops, you want to press charges?

01:42:03.000 I was like, no.

01:42:04.000 A homeless person just walked in.

01:42:06.000 That was the same place.

01:42:07.000 Yeah.

01:42:07.000 That was the same place where you didn't have a doorknob.

01:42:09.000 He was completely ridiculous. 1.00

01:42:12.000 Completely ridiculous. 1.00

01:42:13.000 What are you going to steal? 0.99

01:42:14.000 My TV? I don't care.

01:42:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:16.000 You could always abandon shit. 1.00

01:42:17.000 Whatever. 1.00

01:42:18.000 But do you think that's why you don't appreciate nice shit? 1.00

01:42:22.000 You don't even appreciate a nice car. 1.00

01:42:24.000 No.

01:42:24.000 You make good money.

01:42:25.000 You can get one of those sweet new Cadillacs or something like that.

01:42:28.000 You can get a Tesla if I want it.

01:42:29.000 Ooh, yeah.

01:42:30.000 Comfy to drive around.

01:42:32.000 I've always had a sense of guilt partially because I grew up in countries where people had nothing.

01:42:37.000 I remember seeing somebody with leprosy and no foot in Yemen going through the marketplaces. 0.97

01:42:44.000 When you're a white kid and the math falls in your favor for no fucking reason... 0.99

01:42:49.000 Right. 0.99

01:43:16.000 Right.

01:43:17.000 And I never lost that.

01:43:18.000 I never lost that.

01:43:19.000 I still feel that way.

01:43:20.000 That's fascinating.

01:43:21.000 I hate having people come work at my house.

01:43:23.000 Like, if they're doing work at my house, and I go out of my way to make sure that they, you know, feel like I'm the same as they are.

01:43:31.000 I don't like being, I'd be terrible, I'd be a terrible king.

01:43:34.000 I feel, I find it very uncomfortable, all that stuff, anyway.

01:43:38.000 Yeah, no, I hear you.

01:43:39.000 Yeah, that might be why.

01:43:39.000 My father laughed at me one time.

01:43:41.000 He came to visit me, and my father grew up poor.

01:43:42.000 And he was laughing.

01:43:43.000 He goes, what's with this car?

01:43:44.000 I was driving some terrible Ford, and it was really dirty.

01:43:49.000 And he's like, you know, I can afford to buy you a Lexus if you wanted.

01:43:53.000 Would you want one of those?

01:43:54.000 And I was like...

01:43:55.000 No.

01:43:56.000 I never thought of that.

01:43:57.000 First of all, I don't want somebody else getting it for me.

01:43:59.000 Second of all, it wouldn't make an impact in my life.

01:44:02.000 And I respect, though, like Brendan.

01:44:04.000 Brendan Schaub grew up with not a lot of money, so nice things to him, nice clothes, nice car, they mean a lot.

01:44:12.000 They remind him that he's not...

01:44:15.000 Struggling anymore.

01:44:16.000 Yeah, man.

01:44:17.000 So I've always respected the idea of limited materialism.

01:44:22.000 I understand where it comes from.

01:44:24.000 I also think it depends on what you're turned on by.

01:44:26.000 I'm more interested in that.

01:44:28.000 Somebody said, this woman who wrote this book said, I had all these experiences.

01:44:32.000 She went to study, worked with the KGB as an interpreter and then went to the Antarctic and then went to...

01:44:38.000 She said, I was doing nothing.

01:44:40.000 I had all these experiences, but my brain wasn't changing.

01:44:42.000 I needed to figure out how to change my mind.

01:44:44.000 She had failed math in high school, but she was in the military and she was watching all these engineers solve problems in this beautiful way, but it looked like hieroglyphics.

01:44:53.000 And she goes, wait a minute, if I can learn how to do this, then I'll change the way my brain works.

01:44:58.000 And she talks about it a lot, and she became a professor of engineering, but...

01:45:02.000 You know, I think I'm more interested, maybe it depends on what you're more turned on by.

01:45:06.000 I'm really fascinated with changing who I am, in a way, maybe the way I think.

01:45:11.000 What are you trying to be?

01:45:12.000 What are you trying to do?

01:45:14.000 Just continue to be as original and as creative as I can be.

01:45:18.000 That's all.

01:45:19.000 That's my thing.

01:45:19.000 And you can't have a tassel in that?

01:45:21.000 I can.

01:45:22.000 I want to get a Tesla, actually.

01:45:23.000 I think I'm going to.

01:45:25.000 I'm waiting for my Passat, my turbo diesel Passat lease to run out.

01:45:29.000 This is just devil's advocate.

01:45:30.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:45:31.000 But people that make good money and then don't buy nice things, what is the fucking point of making good money? 0.99

01:45:38.000 I agree. 0.99

01:45:38.000 And someone who is poor, who looks at you, would be like, hey, dummy. 0.99

01:45:42.000 But I have a nice house.

01:45:43.000 You know, you're like part of, you know, we talked about this yesterday, the 1% of the world, of the world, more than $34,000 a year.

01:45:51.000 It's just nuts.

01:45:52.000 That's the world.

01:45:53.000 I know how lucky I am.

01:45:54.000 Do you know how crazy that is?

01:45:55.000 Yeah.

01:45:56.000 And I buy nice things.

01:45:57.000 I mean, I have a nice house and all that.

01:45:58.000 Believe me, I'm not like some Spartan.

01:46:00.000 I'm not saying you are.

01:46:00.000 Yeah.

01:46:01.000 But what I'm saying is...

01:46:02.000 Get a Tesla.

01:46:03.000 That's what you're saying.

01:46:04.000 What I'm saying is people that make a ton of money And then don't buy nice things.

01:46:10.000 That's one look.

01:46:10.000 Like, hey, man, you're the guy who has the opportunity to make a bunch of money and buy nice things.

01:46:15.000 But then there's the other point of view. 0.97

01:46:16.000 It's like, okay, well, you'd hear about Warren Buffett lives in a regular neighborhood, and he's got a fucking $100 billion. 0.96

01:46:23.000 Yeah, that then becomes its own form of affectation, right?

01:46:26.000 If he's going to live in a regular neighborhood, how about you give away $8 billion?

01:46:30.000 Yeah.

01:46:30.000 You ain't even going to use it.

01:46:31.000 Yes.

01:46:32.000 It's just sitting there in your 90. Correct.

01:46:34.000 And I'm sure there's a lot of philanthropic adventures that he invests money in.

01:46:38.000 I'm sure he spends a lot of money on other things.

01:46:40.000 But I'm saying like...

01:46:42.000 What level do you think you're supposed to give back?

01:46:46.000 Like, are you supposed to give to charity?

01:46:48.000 Are you supposed to be nice to your fellow humans?

01:46:51.000 It's what I've been writing about.

01:46:52.000 Can you be one or the other?

01:46:53.000 I've been writing about the idea that, you know, this idea that I've not done anything bad enough to go to hell, but I feel like I haven't done anything good enough to go to...

01:46:59.000 I'm definitely not sitting anywhere close to Mother Teresa if she's in heaven, you know?

01:47:02.000 I just feel like there's a lot more...

01:47:03.000 What are you talking about heaven and hell?

01:47:04.000 Do you hear your head?

01:47:06.000 In other words, there's a lot more I could be doing to give to charity.

01:47:09.000 Are you being literary?

01:47:10.000 Yes, I'm being literary.

01:47:11.000 I'm being deep.

01:47:12.000 I'm being spiritual.

01:47:13.000 But I do feel like I should be given more in some ways to charity.

01:47:16.000 But then I think to myself, I'm doing exactly what I was put on the earth to do, which is make people laugh.

01:47:21.000 And that takes a lot of work and effort.

01:47:23.000 Okay, stop right there.

01:47:23.000 Isn't that just justifying the uncomfortable nature of that discussion?

01:47:27.000 Maybe I don't like this podcast.

01:47:27.000 Yo, when I think about it, maybe I'm just fucking awesome and I'm here to be awesome.

01:47:32.000 I'm just rather being awesome. 0.99

01:47:33.000 No, because I spent a lot of money on wine and shit. 0.94

01:47:36.000 Yeah, but that's not what you were saying. 0.98

01:47:38.000 You were saying like...

01:47:39.000 I should.

01:47:40.000 Should I give more to charity and what does that mean?

01:47:42.000 Okay, first of all, here's the difference.

01:47:44.000 Here's how you delineate.

01:47:45.000 So, if I could give to charity, and there's a lot of definitions.

01:47:50.000 Is charity, going back to what we were talking about, is charity what people need or do they need inspiration?

01:47:58.000 So how do you create inspiration?

01:47:59.000 So giving money to certain causes...

01:48:01.000 Why is it an or?

01:48:02.000 I don't know.

01:48:03.000 Why is it an or?

01:48:04.000 I'm just wondering if I could make a big difference.

01:48:08.000 There's a school in Haiti or something I'm sure could use some money, right?

01:48:12.000 Right.

01:48:13.000 Okay.

01:48:14.000 Alright.

01:48:15.000 I could give to that school.

01:48:17.000 And I do.

01:48:18.000 I do have charities.

01:48:19.000 I do give to Doctors Without Borders.

01:48:20.000 I give to Operation Smile at different things.

01:48:24.000 I got my own individual things.

01:48:25.000 People have a hard time when they give charity and they find out how much money goes to administrative costs. 0.99

01:48:30.000 Fucking drives me crazy. 1.00

01:48:32.000 Fucking... 1.00

01:48:33.000 I think the United Way, what was it? 1.00

01:48:35.000 What did they say?

01:48:35.000 Out of a dollar, a penny actually goes to the charity.

01:48:37.000 The rest of them run the whole fucking thing. 0.99

01:48:39.000 It's a whole bureaucracy they got to run. 1.00

01:48:41.000 It's a business.

01:48:42.000 It drives me crazy.

01:48:43.000 It drives me crazy.

01:48:45.000 That one penny does go to the starving kids.

01:48:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:48:47.000 Well, go fuck yourself because I want my dollar. 1.00

01:48:49.000 What do you think the number is? 1.00

01:48:49.000 Pull up the number. 1.00

01:48:50.000 Find out which organization was it?

01:48:52.000 United Way.

01:48:53.000 United Way.

01:48:54.000 See how much of your money actually goes.

01:48:56.000 I'm going to guess.

01:48:57.000 I believe it's a hundredth of your money.

01:48:59.000 I'm going to get crazy and say it's 20 cents.

01:49:01.000 20 cents out of a dollar.

01:49:02.000 Okay.

01:49:03.000 You think it's really a penny?

01:49:04.000 It used to be.

01:49:05.000 God.

01:49:05.000 I'd say it's 47. 40 cents?

01:49:08.000 I don't think it's that high.

01:49:09.000 I bet it's less than 40 cents.

01:49:10.000 It's a huge company.

01:49:11.000 Okay, I say 20, you say 1. Brian says 40. 47. Is it 47?

01:49:16.000 No, no.

01:49:17.000 Oh, you're saying 47. I'm looking for it.

01:49:19.000 I love the internet that we get the answers to all these things.

01:49:21.000 Instantly.

01:49:22.000 When he's Googling it, though, sometimes not so much.

01:49:25.000 Sometimes not so much. 0.99

01:49:25.000 Sometimes shit gets a little confogulated. 0.99

01:49:28.000 There are really good charities out there that make a difference. 0.99

01:49:31.000 Well, the thing is, here's the question.

01:49:33.000 Should someone running a charity make a salary?

01:49:35.000 Of course they should.

01:49:36.000 Yes.

01:49:36.000 But should they make a salary relative to what people make in America or the third world country where they're aiding?

01:49:43.000 That's when shit gets weird. 0.99

01:49:44.000 Because if it's the third world country that they're aiding, well they're gonna be bitter as shit. 1.00

01:49:49.000 They're working their whole life away and they can't even fucking put a roof over their head and feed themselves normally. 0.98

01:49:54.000 So it should be like an American salary. 0.95

01:49:56.000 I would imagine.

01:49:57.000 But if it's an American salary for a professional, like what is that?

01:50:00.000 Is it a hundred grand?

01:50:01.000 Is it fifty grand?

01:50:02.000 Is it thirty-five grand?

01:50:03.000 What's the answer?

01:50:04.000 Okay, United Way.

01:50:06.000 Well, this is United Way of Topeka, so I'm guessing this is a good example of what United Way, I guess different local, but withholds 20%.

01:50:17.000 Withholds?

01:50:18.000 What do you mean?

01:50:18.000 Withholds 20% of what you give.

01:50:21.000 Of what you give.

01:50:23.000 So they only take, hold on, 22%.

01:50:27.000 Okay, I just googled what percentage, where does United Way charity go?

01:50:33.000 Right here.

01:50:34.000 Okay.

01:50:35.000 United Way withholds 22% from 2012. Designations.

01:50:40.000 Yeah, I think they got exposed and they made a change because they ran a special a long time ago about...

01:50:46.000 I was shocked.

01:50:47.000 Okay, here it is.

01:50:48.000 Worldwide United Way claimed combined administrative and fundraising expenses in 2011 of 17%, meaning that they spend approximately 17 cents for every dollar donated on organizational costs, but the other 83 cents go directly towards community projects.

01:51:04.000 That's awesome.

01:51:05.000 That's pretty good.

01:51:05.000 So United Way is not a good example.

01:51:07.000 They used to be.

01:51:08.000 They did a whole expose on them, and it was shocking.

01:51:12.000 I think they changed.

01:51:13.000 Maybe we should Google that.

01:51:15.000 What percentage of money goes to charity?

01:51:17.000 Let's just Google that, of money.

01:51:19.000 Like, what's the worst?

01:51:21.000 What do we think the worst?

01:51:24.000 But I think that's really good.

01:51:26.000 I mean, if they can, 17%.

01:51:27.000 Wasn't like the Jerry Lewis thing a brutal one?

01:51:30.000 I don't know.

01:51:31.000 The muscular dystrophy?

01:51:32.000 Yeah, I don't know about that.

01:51:34.000 Okay, what percentage of...

01:51:35.000 Let's Google that.

01:51:36.000 What was that Telethon called?

01:51:40.000 Jerry Lewis Telethon.

01:51:41.000 Jerry's Kids?

01:51:42.000 Jerry's Kids?

01:51:43.000 Jerry's Kids.

01:51:43.000 Jerry Lewis...

01:51:46.000 Charity...

01:51:50.000 Telethon.

01:51:51.000 Okay, guess this.

01:51:54.000 What do you guess?

01:51:54.000 What percentage?

01:51:56.000 Okay.

01:51:57.000 I would say...

01:51:58.000 I don't know.

01:51:59.000 I would say...

01:52:00.000 I would have a high percentage.

01:52:01.000 I would say 80% goes to the kids.

01:52:04.000 America's 50th worst charities rake in nearly $1 billion for corporate fundraisers.

01:52:09.000 Wow.

01:52:10.000 There you go.

01:52:12.000 Wow.

01:52:14.000 Which may not necessarily be bad if they motivate people to get even more money.

01:52:19.000 Yeah, well, look, there's a certain amount of money that they would never get if it wasn't for those things.

01:52:24.000 Someone was talking about the Ice Bucket Challenge. 1.00

01:52:26.000 The Ice Bucket Challenge is stupid as fuck, but it's raised a ridiculous amount of money. 1.00

01:52:31.000 Most people who are doing it, they're not even donating money. 1.00

01:52:34.000 They're just throwing water in their head.

01:52:36.000 But the amount of people that have donated, it's pretty substantial.

01:52:40.000 It's millions.

01:52:41.000 Millions of dollars.

01:52:42.000 Much more than they had last year. 0.99

01:52:43.000 ALS sucks. 0.98

01:52:44.000 I'm sure. 1.00

01:52:46.000 I'm sure.

01:52:47.000 You know, they don't even think that Lou Gehrig had Lou Gehrig's disease.

01:52:50.000 Isn't that strange?

01:52:51.000 Why, because he just got hit in the head?

01:52:52.000 Yeah, I think it's trauma-related. 1.00

01:52:54.000 He was KO'd so many times while playing baseball, sliding into people and shit, playing hard baseball. 0.99

01:52:59.000 And he played football, I believe, before that. 0.99

01:53:00.000 Look at this, Joe.

01:53:01.000 50 worst charities ranked by money blown on soliciting costs.

01:53:05.000 Number one, Kids Wish Network.

01:53:07.000 Total raised $127 million.

01:53:11.000 Paid, 109 million, so 2.5% spent on direct cash aid.

01:53:18.000 So solicitors, that means like advertising, right?

01:53:21.000 Is that what that means?

01:53:22.000 What does paid to solicitors mean?

01:53:24.000 Well, percentage spent on direct cash aid looks like 2.5%, 0.9%, 10.8%.

01:53:28.000 You used to work for a bank. 0.99

01:53:29.000 You can't figure this shit out? 1.00

01:53:31.000 No. 1.00

01:53:31.000 Well, what does solicitors mean? 1.00

01:53:33.000 What is solicitors?

01:53:35.000 What's the definition of solicitor?

01:53:38.000 I would imagine it's people that are selling, that are somehow going out there and raising the money.

01:53:45.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:53:46.000 So this is paid to, like, spent on getting the money.

01:53:50.000 Yeah.

01:53:51.000 So lawyers. 0.99

01:53:51.000 No, people who go out and actually raise the funds. 0.99

01:53:54.000 Well, a solicitor is a legal practitioner.

01:53:56.000 This is the actual definition.

01:53:59.000 Solicitor is a legal practitioner who traditionally deals with any legal matter in court in some jurisdictions.

01:54:06.000 Solicitation also means someone who sells.

01:54:08.000 Right. 0.99

01:54:08.000 It means solicitating prostitute. 0.99

01:54:10.000 Yes, but solicitors are people that are the actual fundraisers, though, in this context, I believe. 0.68

01:54:16.000 But isn't that someone who's buying?

01:54:18.000 No, it's somebody who's doing the fundraising.

01:54:21.000 They're essentially going out there, I believe... 0.97

01:54:23.000 What happens if you solicit a prostitute, though? 0.90

01:54:25.000 Doesn't that mean you're trying to pay for the prostitute? 0.99

01:54:28.000 So that's a solicitor, right? 0.96

01:54:29.000 So no solicitation.

01:54:30.000 No trying to sell me anything around here.

01:54:33.000 What does that mean?

01:54:34.000 So saying, like, Kids Wish Network has five employees.

01:54:38.000 It's paying them...

01:54:40.000 And then they're only paying 2.5% to the actual direct cash aid for this example.

01:54:45.000 So only 2.5% of their money.

01:54:47.000 Right.

01:54:48.000 Percentage spent on direct cash aid.

01:54:50.000 2.5%.

01:54:51.000 That's insane.

01:54:52.000 What's the other one?

01:54:53.000 0.9% for the Cancer Fund of America.

01:54:56.000 That's insane.

01:54:57.000 Less than 1%?

01:54:59.000 Children's Whiz Foundation.

01:55:00.000 These are all like takeoffs on the other charities and they're all scams. 0.89

01:55:03.000 That's so dirty.

01:55:04.000 American Breast Cancer Foundation.

01:55:06.000 Not association.

01:55:08.000 Firefighters Charitable Foundation.

01:55:09.000 Look at that one.

01:55:10.000 Look at that one.

01:55:12.000 Union of Police Associates.

01:55:15.000 Look at that.

01:55:16.000 Less than half of a percent.

01:55:19.000 Yeah, that's a scam, man.

01:55:21.000 Oh, wait.

01:55:21.000 There's one that's zero percent.

01:55:22.000 Look at this.

01:55:23.000 Operation Lookout National Center for Missing Youth.

01:55:26.000 Zero percent.

01:55:27.000 Wow.

01:55:28.000 Oh, my God.

01:55:29.000 That's insane.

01:55:30.000 But how does that work?

01:55:30.000 It says 19.6 million and 16.1.

01:55:32.000 Oh, you know what that is? 0.99

01:55:33.000 That's just like rent and shit. 0.99

01:55:36.000 Operation Lookout. 0.99

01:55:37.000 So the $15 million is paid to out to people, the rest is bills. 1.00

01:55:41.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:55:42.000 How is that allowed to be? 1.00

01:55:44.000 We live in a dirty world!

01:55:46.000 The world's dirty.

01:55:47.000 The Veterans Fund.

01:55:48.000 That's so creepy that there's charities that are that far off.

01:55:51.000 Less than a percent.

01:55:53.000 Yeah.

01:55:53.000 Committee for Missing Children.

01:55:55.000 We thought, what did I guess?

01:55:56.000 I guessed 20?

01:55:57.000 You guessed one?

01:55:59.000 Yeah.

01:55:59.000 There you go.

01:56:00.000 And there's some that are half of a one.

01:56:02.000 There you go.

01:56:03.000 That's why you got to be careful what charities you give to.

01:56:05.000 And I think United Way, they did this thing and they were like, how much of your money is actually going there back in the day?

01:56:09.000 I think it was United Way.

01:56:10.000 How about the charity when they're at the airport and they have the open bucket?

01:56:13.000 Oh, forget it.

01:56:14.000 And they want cash.

01:56:15.000 I don't know who you are.

01:56:15.000 There's a plastic hole in an open bucket and around the bucket is photographs of kids.

01:56:20.000 Yeah.

01:56:21.000 And then there's like something and they have a clipboard.

01:56:23.000 I don't know who you are.

01:56:24.000 Sorry.

01:56:24.000 Yeah, this lady came up to me at the airport once and she was super aggressive about it.

01:56:28.000 And I said, get the fuck out of here with that scam. 1.00

01:56:30.000 And she goes, fuck you, motherfucker. 1.00

01:56:32.000 I go, that's what I was hoping for. 1.00

01:56:34.000 I go, that's what I want to hear.

01:56:35.000 I go, you're involved in a charitable organization, right? 1.00

01:56:38.000 She's like, fuck you, bitch. 1.00

01:56:39.000 I go, you're involved in a charitable organization. 1.00

01:56:41.000 You're not going to dip into that and take, well, you're a reputable person. 1.00

01:56:44.000 Fuck you, bitch! 1.00

01:56:45.000 There you go. 1.00

01:56:46.000 She could have hit me. 1.00

01:56:47.000 It was pretty close. 0.58

01:56:48.000 She could have definitely hit me. 1.00

01:56:49.000 That's so great.

01:56:50.000 I was tired, man.

01:56:51.000 I just landed, you know, working.

01:56:53.000 And then someone, like, she was aggressive about it, too.

01:56:56.000 She was like, you know, sir, would you please donate to help, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:57:00.000 And I'm looking at her, and I'm like, I smell danger all over you.

01:57:03.000 You don't seem like a charitable person.

01:57:05.000 Love you. 0.99

01:57:05.000 But you could just show up with like a clipboard and a bucket and, you know, some logo on the bucket and you get people to give you cash just to leave you the fuck alone. 0.99

01:57:13.000 Especially if you're aggressive. 0.88

01:57:14.000 Well, a lot of airports cut down on that because the Hare Krishnas used to always come up to you at airports. 1.00

01:57:18.000 Yeah, but they're wackos. 1.00

01:57:19.000 You look at them, you're like, what's with your haircut, Tong Po? 1.00

01:57:21.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:57:22.000 I'm not giving you any money. 1.00

01:57:24.000 You're crazy. 1.00

01:57:25.000 You're wearing sandals and you're a man. 1.00

01:57:27.000 What are you doing?

01:57:27.000 You're not even like a surfer.

01:57:29.000 And a saffron robe.

01:57:30.000 The whole thing is a mess.

01:57:31.000 You smell weird.

01:57:32.000 Get out.

01:57:33.000 Get out.

01:57:34.000 You smell like curry. 0.98

01:57:35.000 Run.

01:57:35.000 You're American.

01:57:36.000 I don't want to be like you. 0.97

01:57:37.000 I don't want to be near you.

01:57:38.000 And I don't want to give you any money to support this thing that you're doing.

01:57:41.000 Well, they would sell you books. 1.00

01:57:42.000 Fuck out of here with your books. 1.00

01:57:43.000 Fuck like it. 1.00

01:57:44.000 Get the fuck out of here with that book. 1.00

01:57:45.000 Come on, it's the truth, bro. 0.99

01:57:46.000 It's about an epic battle.

01:57:47.000 I would love to buy the Bhagavad Gita. 0.99

01:57:49.000 I'd love to, but not from some dirty hippie.

01:57:51.000 I'm going to go to a nice store where there's a nice person who sells books. 0.78

01:57:54.000 They can tell me about it. 0.99

01:57:56.000 There's some beautiful fucking versions of that. 0.99

01:57:58.000 It's funny how you don't see them anymore like Hare Krishna. 0.99

01:58:00.000 The internet!

01:58:01.000 The internet smoked them out.

01:58:03.000 That's it.

01:58:04.000 They're like, what are we doing? 1.00

01:58:05.000 Everybody thinks we're stupid. 1.00

01:58:07.000 Even Scientologists make fun of them. 1.00

01:58:10.000 Hare Krishna is at the bottom end of the cult pole.

01:58:13.000 Yeah, man.

01:58:14.000 Yeah, everybody goofs on them.

01:58:15.000 Duncan can do the whole chant.

01:58:17.000 Vegetarians?

01:58:18.000 Was he of Hare Krishna?

01:58:19.000 No, but he's really involved in studying religions and studied them his whole life.

01:58:24.000 He can do long Buddhist chants, but long Hare Krishna chants. 1.00

01:58:28.000 Yeah, he does all that shit. 0.99

01:58:29.000 He can do it, and it sounds like one of those monks in those hollow, echoing monasteries. 1.00

01:58:35.000 I remember reading so much about Zen Buddhism and Buddhism.

01:58:38.000 I've read every book I could get my hands on Buddhism, and I was just like, this is the answer.

01:58:43.000 Maybe it is, but I just somehow got too busy.

01:58:46.000 I don't think there's any answer.

01:58:48.000 Yeah.

01:58:49.000 Because in the end, everybody dies.

01:58:51.000 That's for Dan.

01:58:52.000 There's no answer.

01:58:53.000 This is what it is.

01:58:54.000 How much are you enjoying this and how much are you enjoying being around others who are enjoying it and helping each other out and having a good time?

01:59:03.000 Because other than that, what else is there?

01:59:06.000 Is there a deep meaning if everything's temporary?

01:59:08.000 It doesn't seem like there could be.

01:59:09.000 It seems like you're a part of some sort of weird evolutionary process that will go on as long as life is allowed to exist on this planet, which is very finite.

01:59:18.000 The planet itself only has, like, 1.6 billion years of life left.

01:59:22.000 Do you think, though, that...

01:59:23.000 You know that?

01:59:24.000 If it goes more than that, the sun's gonna burst.

01:59:26.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

01:59:26.000 The sun's done.

01:59:27.000 The sun runs out of juice.

01:59:28.000 But do you think that there is some...

01:59:31.000 There is a...

01:59:32.000 Either movement toward each other or a movement toward something?

01:59:36.000 Or do you think it's all random?

01:59:38.000 I mean, it's a hard question. 1.00

01:59:40.000 Who the fuck... 1.00

01:59:40.000 No the fuck... 1.00

01:59:41.000 No one knows. 1.00

01:59:42.000 I mean, it might...

01:59:42.000 It might not be...

01:59:44.000 What about human progress?

01:59:45.000 Do you think we've been progressing...

01:59:48.000 Yes.

01:59:48.000 Yeah.

01:59:49.000 When there's steps back, like when we talk about people being PC and all that stuff, I think it's terrible, but it's way better than being racist. 0.99

01:59:58.000 The PC shit is way better than segregated where the blacks have to sit in the back of the bus and use a different water cooler. 0.99

02:00:04.000 This is way better. 1.00

02:00:06.000 So that, to me, is clear example. 0.95

02:00:08.000 But then there's also drones and spying and crazy shit and people are still getting locked up for crazy drug laws. 0.98

02:00:16.000 And then there's private prisons and there's corporate interests and there's fucking this Goldman Sachs thing that came out. 0.98

02:00:22.000 The tapes that are now being released of the Fed in coercion with Goldman Sachs. 0.99

02:00:29.000 I mean, all the different shit that's going on, where you see that there's still corruption. 0.99

02:00:33.000 There's still evil. 0.99

02:00:35.000 There's still just misdirected energy, incorrect patterns of behavior that have led to people to operate in the same type of momentum that the fucking knucklehead traders before them have done and the fucking military industrial complex guys from the 60s did. 0.97

02:00:53.000 It's all the same kind of... 0.94

02:00:54.000 That energy hasn't been flushed out of the system yet.

02:00:57.000 But it seems like it's slowly getting pushed into a corner.

02:01:00.000 Or at least it's harder to hide. 0.99

02:01:02.000 See what the fuck is going on in Hong Kong? 1.00

02:01:04.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:01:04.000 Dude, Brian, pull up the photos. 0.98

02:01:06.000 There's a drone video of the protest in Hong Kong.

02:01:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:01:10.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:01:12.000 Yeah, it's an island of 7 million that actually want to be able to choose who governs them. 0.99

02:01:16.000 Can you imagine that? 1.00

02:01:17.000 Dude, there's a lot of fucking people. 1.00

02:01:20.000 I know. 1.00

02:01:20.000 A lot of people. 1.00

02:01:21.000 But they're also bordered.

02:01:22.000 There's also one point...

02:01:23.000 3 billion people on their border.

02:01:26.000 And they don't want to be part of China, the mainland.

02:01:29.000 Well, they used to not be until fairly recently.

02:01:32.000 They used to be controlled by the United Kingdom, right?

02:01:34.000 That's right. 1.00

02:01:34.000 Look at this fucking video, though. 1.00

02:01:36.000 It's going to freak you out because they're flying over. 0.99

02:01:39.000 By the way, it's amazing that they can do that now.

02:01:41.000 You could just, like, a regular person can get a drone.

02:01:44.000 Crazy, I'm just getting an aerial view, huh?

02:01:46.000 When we did that sci-fi show, dude, I put on these goggles, like these VR goggles, and they put a camera on this drone, and then flew the drone over the treetops, and I was like watching from the drone's perspective.

02:01:59.000 I was like, oh my...

02:02:00.000 We couldn't put it in the episode because we just didn't have enough time, but I was like, I'm flying!

02:02:04.000 It was amazing.

02:02:06.000 So sick.

02:02:06.000 Dude, it was amazing.

02:02:07.000 They attached a camera to an eagle.

02:02:08.000 But I'm telling you, it felt like I was flying.

02:02:11.000 Really?

02:02:11.000 Like when I had these VR goggles on.

02:02:14.000 Wow.

02:02:15.000 I had VR goggles on.

02:02:16.000 This thing is flying through trees and stuff.

02:02:19.000 And you're watching like, whoa!

02:02:21.000 How much would that cost to buy?

02:02:23.000 Probably a lot.

02:02:24.000 And they don't go very far.

02:02:25.000 Like after a mile, it doesn't transmit.

02:02:27.000 Like the signal, whatever type of signal it is they're using.

02:02:30.000 So look at this.

02:02:33.000 This is the crowd.

02:02:35.000 This is them filming this by drone.

02:02:38.000 Unbelievable.

02:02:38.000 Dude, they've shut down the city.

02:02:40.000 This is incredible.

02:02:41.000 Look at that.

02:02:42.000 Look at that.

02:02:44.000 That's a million people, right?

02:02:45.000 At least.

02:02:46.000 I don't know.

02:02:46.000 I don't know what a million people looks like.

02:02:48.000 I think there are seven million.

02:02:50.000 That's like 300 people, bro.

02:02:51.000 Crazy.

02:02:52.000 That's like Nick's Comedy Stop.

02:02:54.000 It's packed.

02:02:56.000 It's like a Joe Rogan concert.

02:02:58.000 Look at that. 1.00

02:02:58.000 Look how many fucking people. 1.00

02:03:00.000 It's like ants on rice noodle. 1.00

02:03:03.000 And what year were they United Kingdom?

02:03:06.000 It was until like the 90s, right?

02:03:07.000 I think the lease ran out in, gosh, 19...

02:03:13.000 2000?

02:03:14.000 2001?

02:03:15.000 1997?

02:03:16.000 What was it?

02:03:17.000 I think it was 97, maybe?

02:03:19.000 Or was it later?

02:03:21.000 They're bracing.

02:03:22.000 Both sides brace for Wednesday's showdown. 1.00

02:03:25.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

02:03:25.000 Are they going to go World War III in Hong Kong, too? 1.00

02:03:28.000 Well, I don't think...

02:03:29.000 Nobody wants that.

02:03:30.000 They don't want the People's Liberation Army coming into...

02:03:33.000 People's Liberation Army?

02:03:35.000 Is that what they're calling it?

02:03:36.000 Yeah, that's what the Chinese... 1.00

02:03:37.000 I think that's what the Chinese call their army.

02:03:38.000 But they don't want the Chinese military to come in and get unpleasant. 0.74

02:03:44.000 That's for damn sure.

02:03:45.000 They're asking for the... 0.55

02:03:47.000 What I believe is named...

02:03:49.000 They call him the chairman.

02:03:49.000 The person that was put in power by China to step down.

02:03:52.000 And they want elections to vote in their own...

02:03:57.000 And China's saying, hey, we're kind of running your country.

02:04:02.000 Is it considered a country or is it considered a city?

02:04:05.000 It's considered a province and part of China, mainland China.

02:04:09.000 And I think that for the longest time, remember that Hong Kong was sort of the financial capital of that part of the world.

02:04:17.000 But Shanghai now has taken over and a lot of other cities have taken over.

02:04:21.000 They're richer.

02:04:23.000 And so it's a complicated thing because a lot of mainland Chinese come in and vacation in Hong Kong.

02:04:30.000 So they're pretty dependent on each other. 0.99

02:04:32.000 Look at this photo of this kid shining his fucking flashlights. 0.99

02:04:36.000 They're all shining the lights from their cell phones. 1.00

02:04:38.000 It's really creepy.

02:04:40.000 It's on USA Today's coverage.

02:04:43.000 It's one of the larger photographs.

02:04:45.000 There's millions of kids and they all decided to turn their cell phone lights on.

02:04:52.000 And they're holding them up in solidarity.

02:04:54.000 And it's kind of symbolic.

02:04:57.000 Well, China also, apparently, the government of China is really worried that if they don't handle this properly, there are a lot of cities in China that could do the same thing in asking for changes in how the country is governed.

02:05:13.000 So China is being very, very cautious about how they treat this particular protest. 0.94

02:05:18.000 Yeah, they could fuck this up and lose everything.

02:05:20.000 Yes, because if it gets too successful... 0.66

02:05:23.000 Dude! 1.00

02:05:26.000 That fucking picture! 1.00

02:05:27.000 There's a lot of unrest in China. 1.00

02:05:30.000 Not just Hong Kong.

02:05:32.000 When did Hong Kong become a part of China?

02:05:35.000 I think it was during the opium trade, wasn't it?

02:05:38.000 They sold it back to them in...

02:05:40.000 97?

02:05:41.000 Yeah.

02:05:42.000 And it was annexed by the British I think 100 years before that.

02:05:48.000 So it hasn't even been 20 years.

02:05:50.000 Right.

02:05:50.000 So they're just still trying to work it out.

02:05:52.000 I mean, think about 20 years ago.

02:05:54.000 Was that, like, Clinton days?

02:05:55.000 Yeah.

02:05:56.000 97?

02:05:57.000 That was Clinton, right?

02:05:58.000 Yeah.

02:05:59.000 97, Clinton was president.

02:06:00.000 Imagine that?

02:06:01.000 Like, if Clinton, like, leaves, and then all of a sudden China takes over the U.S., and we're like, what? 0.80

02:06:05.000 Yeah.

02:06:05.000 Like, that's kind of the same sort of thing.

02:06:07.000 If they were under rule of the United Kingdom, that's really similar to, like, being America or Canada.

02:06:14.000 Absolutely it is.

02:06:14.000 And it was really hard for the...

02:06:16.000 And also, remember in Hong Kong, they speak Cantonese.

02:06:18.000 They don't speak Mandarin.

02:06:20.000 Most of mainland China is mostly Mandarin.

02:06:22.000 And they speak a very different language in Hong Kong.

02:06:26.000 They do speak Mandarin, but they also mainly speak Cantonese.

02:06:29.000 Very, very different form of Chinese.

02:06:30.000 And it was a capitalist system, a very wealthy area.

02:06:35.000 And the big fear was that when the Politburo in China took over, that they would impose communist market laws and things like that.

02:06:43.000 But I think they kind of left them alone.

02:06:46.000 For a while.

02:06:48.000 And now, Hong Kong's economy is very tied up with mainland China's economy.

02:06:52.000 What a mess.

02:06:55.000 It's just weird when you see a situation like that where you know something's going to happen. 0.97

02:07:00.000 And we're watching it from afar, from way the fuck over here in California, and we're like, what is going to happen over there? 0.92

02:07:06.000 Well, the question is, is China going to allow them to behave like a separate and independent province? 0.96

02:07:11.000 Because they are not according to China in a Chinese law.

02:07:15.000 That's the issue.

02:07:16.000 So then what do you do?

02:07:17.000 What do you do?

02:07:18.000 Well, then you've got to realize that the people in the military themselves, other than the few people that are running it, there's going to be a certain point in time where if there's riots everywhere, if the entire country goes topsy-turvy over this, if they all start emulating what's going on in Hong Kong,

02:07:34.000 there's A, not enough soldiers to cover them all because there's a billion goddamn people, and B, it would be soldiers turning their guns on their own people.

02:07:42.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:07:42.000 These are regular folks, just like the soldiers in America. 0.96

02:07:45.000 I mean, it's one of the weirdest things about people that don't want to support the troops, like the idea that, you know, I don't support war, so I don't want to support the troops.

02:07:52.000 Troops are just people.

02:07:54.000 And they might be the only thing, and their love of regular people might be the only thing that protects a really tyrannical government from From turning their guns on the people themselves.

02:08:06.000 Because they can't do that if the people holding the guns refuse.

02:08:10.000 Somewhere down the chain, where they say no.

02:08:13.000 They say no in general.

02:08:14.000 They say that John Adams lost the election to Thomas Jefferson because he had a standing army.

02:08:20.000 And one of the things that the Founding Fathers warned against was a standing army.

02:08:24.000 Why?

02:08:25.000 Because a standing army can be hijacked by a charismatic Well, that's right.

02:08:48.000 Like the Waco guy, David Koresh, he got very little sympathy in this country.

02:08:52.000 Even though they essentially went in and firebombed these people, killed kids, shot people down. 0.99

02:08:58.000 There was fucking very clear images of Sherman tanks blowing fire into these fucking buildings. 0.99

02:09:04.000 But, we knew they had guns. 0.99

02:09:06.000 That's the only thing we knew. 1.00

02:09:08.000 We knew that we heard that he fucked kids. 1.00

02:09:10.000 That was the thing, right? 1.00

02:09:12.000 But, by the way...

02:09:13.000 That was a rumor. 0.99

02:09:13.000 That is exactly what I would say if I was going to fucking run some tanks into some dude's house. 0.99

02:09:18.000 That guy's in there fucking kids. 1.00

02:09:19.000 We've got to go kill those kids. 1.00

02:09:21.000 And it was ATF anyway. 1.00

02:09:22.000 It was ATF. It was also basically about the fact that he had all this sort of weapon and arsenal.

02:09:28.000 But think about the ultimate irony. 1.00

02:09:30.000 We're going to save those kids by killing them all. 1.00

02:09:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:32.000 I mean, they killed everybody.

02:09:33.000 I think they let some kids out at one point in time.

02:09:36.000 Yeah, some of them got out, but a lot of them got burned, and it was terrible.

02:09:39.000 There's a documentary about it that was kind of jaw-dropping.

02:09:42.000 Well, the documentary was highlighting the use of force, and that was one of the first times where we saw real military force being used on civilians.

02:09:50.000 And the good news is that a lot of people, there was a documentary made out of it, and a lot of people were pretty outraged by it, but maybe not enough.

02:09:57.000 Hicks had a whole bit on it.

02:09:59.000 Hicks had a whole bit on it. 0.98

02:10:00.000 It was pretty fucking crazy. 0.98

02:10:02.000 It was just most people didn't see it because there was no fucking internet back then. 0.99

02:10:06.000 It wasn't like today. 0.99

02:10:08.000 If they did some Waco shit today, and we saw them driving over buildings and blowing fire into these buildings, pull up the video of Waco. 0.98

02:10:16.000 Pull up the video. 0.99

02:10:17.000 What are you doing? 1.00

02:10:18.000 You checking your Facebook, you fuck? 1.00

02:10:19.000 Look at what happened with Ferguson, this black kid who was shot. 1.00

02:10:23.000 I mean, the whole town went crazy.

02:10:25.000 Things are different now.

02:10:26.000 It's different. 1.00

02:10:26.000 It's not that easy to just get away with shit anymore. 1.00

02:10:29.000 I also think, though, I was thinking about Russia and how outdated. 0.99

02:10:33.000 They're calling the ruble, the currency, the rubble now because it's just not worth anything.

02:10:38.000 That's very clever.

02:10:39.000 It's very clever.

02:10:40.000 I like to play on the words.

02:10:42.000 But it's a one-crop economy.

02:10:43.000 So Russia, the motto is basically, Mike makes right. 0.98

02:10:46.000 All the guys with guns control everything.

02:10:48.000 Guess what?

02:10:49.000 So now you've got commodities.

02:10:50.000 You've got oil that you export.

02:10:52.000 And I guess some weaponry.

02:10:53.000 Look at this.

02:10:54.000 This is crazy.

02:10:55.000 This is in the 1990s. 1.00

02:10:57.000 This is a goddamn tank tearing apart a house. 0.99

02:11:03.000 This is a tank in America going into this quote-unquote cult of And because they had gotten into a firefight with these people, because the ATF shot at them, the ATF, they were like on the roofs and shit. 0.99

02:11:15.000 It's a really crazy documentary. 0.74

02:11:16.000 One of the guys, the ATF guy inside was shooting out the door at ATF people outside.

02:11:22.000 And they were making, they were blasting, I guess, music and stuff to make them crazy and noise.

02:11:28.000 Did they do that with these guys too?

02:11:29.000 Yeah.

02:11:30.000 That's a common tactic.

02:11:32.000 Why is the music playing?

02:11:33.000 I was saying if that was the music, I hope that's not the music.

02:11:36.000 Is it?

02:11:38.000 Is that really?

02:11:39.000 That's the music that goes with the video.

02:11:42.000 That's going to get us pulled off of YouTube. 0.61

02:11:44.000 That's what that music is. 0.98

02:11:47.000 This is ridiculous. 1.00

02:11:48.000 I mean, to see tanks being used on civilians, helicopters and shit... 1.00

02:11:55.000 Okay, but then if you look at it from the other hand... 0.99

02:12:01.000 Look, these are bananas.

02:12:03.000 Jesus.

02:12:03.000 Look how fast that thing starts growing.

02:12:04.000 If you look at it from the other side, if you've got a group of people that are in this house and they're shooting at federal agents, what do you do?

02:12:12.000 Do you do this?

02:12:13.000 Do you do this?

02:12:14.000 Do you wait them out?

02:12:14.000 Do you wait for them to starve themselves?

02:12:15.000 You don't set them on fire.

02:12:16.000 You don't do that.

02:12:17.000 No, you definitely don't.

02:12:18.000 Especially when kids are in there.

02:12:19.000 So what do you do?

02:12:20.000 So the question was, I think the idea was floated that they started to fire themselves within the compound and the ATF did not.

02:12:29.000 Yeah, but that's not true.

02:12:30.000 That's not true. 0.99

02:12:31.000 They did this shit with tanks. 0.99

02:12:34.000 Well, the aerial view of the tanks suggests something different. 1.00

02:12:37.000 I don't know.

02:12:37.000 What does the aerial view of the tanks suggest, Dr. Fox News?

02:12:40.000 Well, it suggests, in fact, they're using flamethrower.

02:12:44.000 They use flamethrowers, dude.

02:12:46.000 Okay, let's Google use of flamethrowers.

02:12:48.000 I mean, I thought that was pretty established.

02:12:51.000 Use of flamethrowers in Waco.

02:12:52.000 Well, from the documentary, they said, you know, the big question was, was it started inside the compound?

02:12:59.000 Was the fire started by the Waco cult members or by the ATF? Hidden Waco footage.

02:13:06.000 Tanks used flamethrowers.

02:13:09.000 And there's a link, and you can go to the YouTube video.

02:13:11.000 And the YouTube video is unavailable.

02:13:15.000 Interesting. 0.99

02:13:16.000 Proves it's bullshit. 1.00

02:13:19.000 Waco tank flamethrower on YouTube. 1.00

02:13:22.000 A second hole is made in the side of the building.

02:13:24.000 And a third hole is made at the front door. 0.99

02:13:27.000 This sounds like some chemtrail shit. 0.99

02:13:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:32.000 That's the thing, when the internet, you don't know.

02:13:34.000 The following footage proves, beyond any doubt, that the tanks intentionally set the house on fire.

02:13:40.000 It proves that the Branch Davidians were murdered. 0.98

02:13:44.000 Watch carefully as the tank backs out of the house.

02:13:47.000 Watch carefully as the tank backs out of the house.

02:13:50.000 You can see that this tank has a gas jet on the front that shoots fire.

02:13:53.000 Oh, that is true.

02:13:54.000 Google Waco tank flamethrower. 1.00

02:13:56.000 This is pretty fucked up, Brian. 0.99

02:13:57.000 I think this is going to turn you over. 0.99

02:13:59.000 You're going to be working for CNN next.

02:14:00.000 I don't know, you guys.

02:14:01.000 You're gonna be in Ted Turner's back pocket. 0.98

02:14:03.000 Fox News is gonna fuckin' fire you. 0.98

02:14:05.000 Yeah! 0.98

02:14:06.000 You're gonna go dark on this one.

02:14:07.000 You're gonna go left wing.

02:14:08.000 All I know is I got my deer tags, my friend.

02:14:10.000 I got my deer tags, too.

02:14:11.000 Here, watch this.

02:14:12.000 And a third hole is made at the front door.

02:14:14.000 Go towards, like, where the E is on experience.

02:14:17.000 What these tanks are doing in each picture is collapsing the inside stairwells.

02:14:20.000 Okay, here, it's good.

02:14:21.000 Keep it going.

02:14:21.000 The following footage proves, beyond any doubt, that the tanks intentionally set the house on fire.

02:14:27.000 It proves that the Branch Davidians were murdered. 0.98

02:14:35.000 She sounds like a machine mate. 1.00

02:14:39.000 That's true.

02:14:50.000 Wow, yeah.

02:14:52.000 Dude, they lit that house on fire.

02:14:54.000 Whoa.

02:14:56.000 Where are you at now, Fox News?

02:14:58.000 What do you think?

02:14:59.000 I think they lit that house on fire.

02:15:01.000 What do you think?

02:15:01.000 I don't like Fox News, I'll tell you that much.

02:15:03.000 I don't know.

02:15:04.000 I believe that they set that house on fire.

02:15:07.000 I don't have any doubt.

02:15:08.000 You've got those guys who are geared up.

02:15:10.000 They got shot at.

02:15:11.000 Some of the guys got shot.

02:15:13.000 Men are men.

02:15:14.000 They're going to be vindictive.

02:15:15.000 They're going to do whatever they can.

02:15:15.000 Well, they're also soldiers, and they've been given an enemy.

02:15:19.000 You know that old expression?

02:15:19.000 That's exactly right.

02:15:20.000 If you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

02:15:22.000 Like a nail, yeah.

02:15:23.000 Yeah.

02:15:24.000 I don't have any doubt about that.

02:15:25.000 Okay, but here's the question.

02:15:26.000 What do you do?

02:15:27.000 If you know that there's a group that's holed up and they have a bunch of weapons, I'm not saying you set the place on fire and kill the kids, but I'm saying, how do you handle that?

02:15:36.000 You've got a guy who's shooting at federal agents, allegedly.

02:15:39.000 There is the reality that agents accidentally shot at themselves.

02:15:44.000 That is a fact.

02:15:45.000 You can also hear the guy say, I have a right to defend myself.

02:15:48.000 As they're breaking in, he shoots.

02:15:50.000 So a lot of it was he was in his home, people were coming in, he didn't know who was coming into his house, they had guns.

02:15:56.000 You know, you can make an argument for a lot of this stuff.

02:15:59.000 Oh yeah.

02:16:00.000 What do you do in that situation?

02:16:01.000 What do you do?

02:16:02.000 I suppose the first thing you should think about is there are two things.

02:16:05.000 One is, are children being abused?

02:16:07.000 Two is, does he have an illegal arsenal?

02:16:11.000 So if those are the two cases, you get a search warrant.

02:16:13.000 They tried to get in.

02:16:14.000 They were denied access.

02:16:15.000 The rest is a standoff.

02:16:17.000 I don't know.

02:16:18.000 That comes down to police tactics.

02:16:20.000 Right?

02:16:20.000 Yeah, I mean, do you think that someone should be allowed to have a place like that?

02:16:25.000 Like, if you believe that people should be allowed to have guns.

02:16:27.000 Like, I have friends who have many guns.

02:16:30.000 My friend Justin is like a legit, bonafide gun nut.

02:16:34.000 He doesn't even know how many guns he has. 0.93

02:16:37.000 Now, what if Justin got together with 50 of his friends, and they're all like him, and they rented a big fucking piece of land, or they bought a big piece of land together, put a few houses up, and then put a fence around it? 0.91

02:16:51.000 I think I'm fine with that. 0.95

02:16:52.000 Right.

02:16:53.000 Because I believe in freedom of assembly.

02:16:56.000 Right.

02:16:56.000 But what is that?

02:16:57.000 You've got a highly armed compound of a bunch of gun nuts.

02:17:01.000 It still falls within the confines of the law.

02:17:03.000 Now, if they have fully automatic machine guns, turret guns, and rockets, you're going to go, hold on, do you guys have a license for those?

02:17:11.000 And there are a whole lot of measures.

02:17:13.000 And then you'd have to take steps to make sure that you don't have...

02:17:19.000 Right.

02:17:22.000 Right.

02:17:26.000 Right.

02:17:44.000 Jesus.

02:17:45.000 Whoa.

02:17:46.000 That's dark.

02:17:47.000 Here's the shootout.

02:17:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:17:49.000 I mean, they were fucking armed to the tits. 1.00

02:17:53.000 God, this is crazy. 1.00

02:17:56.000 Watch this.

02:18:07.000 So look.

02:18:11.000 Dude's shooting through the wall.

02:18:18.000 They shot each other.

02:18:22.000 So the agents went in.

02:18:26.000 They're shooting.

02:18:28.000 They shot through the walls and shot their own agents. 1.00

02:18:38.000 Fucking A man. 1.00

02:18:41.000 Sixteen wounded. 1.00

02:18:43.000 Four dead.

02:18:44.000 That's a blood dead right there.

02:18:46.000 With those guys, good luck.

02:18:48.000 Now you're in a war.

02:18:49.000 You want to mess around with those kind of guys who gear up who are already tough, and that's their job, and you killed four of their friends?

02:18:55.000 I wouldn't be too sympathetic either at that point if I was one of those guys.

02:18:58.000 Right, but devil's advocate.

02:19:00.000 This is not my feelings on this.

02:19:02.000 I don't have formed feelings on this.

02:19:04.000 I don't either, by the way.

02:19:05.000 But those guys broke in these people's houses for what reason?

02:19:10.000 Apparently, he was in violation, I think, of two things. 0.76

02:19:15.000 Weapons, illegal weapons, caches, or whatever, and also, I think, there was a warrant for the fact that he was having sex with underage girls.

02:19:22.000 Yeah, child endangerment.

02:19:23.000 Yeah, child endangerment.

02:19:25.000 Which is kind of legit if he's running a cult.

02:19:27.000 Of course it is. 1.00

02:19:28.000 My friend used to date this chick who grew up in a cult, and he said that she would tell him horrible fucking stories. 0.99

02:19:33.000 That's why a lot of guys start cults. 1.00

02:19:35.000 So they can get pussy. 1.00

02:19:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:19:37.000 Well, didn't Koresh, like, had a deal where he could bang everybody's wife? 0.59

02:19:40.000 If he was smart. 0.66

02:19:41.000 Yeah.

02:19:43.000 That was his thing. 0.99

02:19:44.000 His thing is he could bang everybody's wife. 0.99

02:19:45.000 You can be in my cult. 0.99

02:19:48.000 Here's the only catch, 22. Don't they always do that, though?

02:19:51.000 Everybody.

02:19:51.000 Jim Jones probably banged everybody's wife, too.

02:19:53.000 Listen, man.

02:19:53.000 We're all one people.

02:19:55.000 It's all about love.

02:19:56.000 I am the alpha male.

02:19:58.000 I don't know what that's saying.

02:19:59.000 I think he was saying he's God, bro.

02:20:01.000 All right.

02:20:01.000 Well, there's also that.

02:20:03.000 They all look the same.

02:20:04.000 Like him, the Australian Jesus, you can put them side by side and they're like interchangeable. 0.94

02:20:09.000 They're these weird...

02:20:10.000 That guy's great.

02:20:11.000 That's Duncan Trussell.

02:20:12.000 No, no.

02:20:13.000 Duncan looks too wild-eyed. 0.99

02:20:15.000 The Australian Jesus is so lame. 0.89

02:20:16.000 He's just like, I'm Jesus. 0.82

02:20:17.000 Well, no, he's lamer than lame because he's told two different chicks that they're Mary.

02:20:21.000 Like his game is he tells a chick that you're Mary, that I'm Jesus and you're Mary. 1.00

02:20:26.000 Like, oh, get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:20:27.000 Dumb and Superstitious, to my type. 1.00

02:20:30.000 If you watch the documentary, well, he's not dumb. 1.00

02:20:32.000 He's pretty clever.

02:20:33.000 Right.

02:20:34.000 I'm saying they are.

02:20:35.000 But the poor girl, he has this girl that's convinced that she's married, and she's crying, and she's crying, and she's talking about remembering him being on the cross. 0.99

02:20:44.000 It's fucking madness. 0.98

02:20:45.000 And then, afterwards, he's being interviewed by the guy. 0.99

02:20:48.000 The guy who's interviewing was pretty slick.

02:20:49.000 And he's like, didn't you tell another girl that she was married?

02:20:53.000 He's like, yes, but I was wrong.

02:20:56.000 See what I mean? 0.94

02:20:57.000 He plays shittiest excuse. 0.98

02:20:59.000 Like the shittiest way. 0.97

02:21:00.000 Bro, I would have so much of a better way.

02:21:02.000 I can lie right now and come up with a better idea.

02:21:05.000 Yes, but I was wrong.

02:21:06.000 But it's even better than that.

02:21:07.000 He plays Green Day.

02:21:10.000 He's singing there and he's playing a Green Day song.

02:21:12.000 He's incredible.

02:21:13.000 Like, you telling me that the Australian Jesus would be really into Green Day?

02:21:18.000 Yeah.

02:21:18.000 Like, I just kind of think there's got to be a better song for him.

02:21:21.000 I don't know.

02:21:22.000 He's got like six followers.

02:21:23.000 No, he's got quite a few.

02:21:25.000 They're really devoted.

02:21:25.000 It's in Queensland.

02:21:26.000 Yeah, they cry.

02:21:27.000 You can see them crying and stuff.

02:21:28.000 Dude, he's got a giant compound and it's getting bigger.

02:21:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:21:32.000 A lot of people are very worried about him.

02:21:34.000 Really?

02:21:35.000 Yes, yes.

02:21:36.000 I mean, he's a legit cult leader.

02:21:37.000 Wow.

02:21:38.000 I mean, he really has...

02:21:39.000 I mean, it's an enormous thing.

02:21:40.000 I just feel like it's a huge magnet for the dummies in society.

02:21:44.000 Oh, it is. 0.92

02:21:44.000 There's a lot of dummies. 0.92

02:21:45.000 It's kind of like flypaper, where you just get all the... 1.00

02:21:47.000 It just sucks all the really dumb... 1.00

02:21:50.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

02:21:50.000 People in one area, it's fine. 1.00

02:21:52.000 No, it's not.

02:21:54.000 It's not, because then they can take over. 1.00

02:21:55.000 See, the thing about having a really big group of dumb people is a big group of people that are so dumb, they don't even know they're dumb. 1.00

02:22:03.000 So there's no leaders. 1.00

02:22:04.000 They're a giant group of retarded followers. 1.00

02:22:07.000 And they're chasing after a guy who's a fake Jesus who likes Green Day. 0.99

02:22:11.000 I mean, this is like... 0.99

02:22:12.000 The numbers that a guy like that can draw, the reason why it's fucked up is because if you look at the whole population, let's just go with America because I don't know how big Australia is, but if America's 300 million people, what percent do you think are just so fucking dumb they almost can't think things through for themselves? 0.99

02:22:29.000 I'd say it's 1%. 0.99

02:22:32.000 That's all you need.

02:22:33.000 If you have 1% in America, you have 3.5 million dummies. 0.95

02:22:40.000 That is a staggering number of dummies.

02:22:43.000 If you really laid it out like that, if it's truly 1 out of 100, which is probably being super generous to the human race, but if it really is 1 out of 100, that's 3.5 million in this country alone.

02:22:57.000 You don't need that many to start a good cult. 0.99

02:22:59.000 Shit. 1.00

02:23:01.000 Yeah, but what is that cult doing? 1.00

02:23:02.000 Aren't they just kind of living the gospel? 1.00

02:23:05.000 Sucking his Jesus like a dick. 1.00

02:23:07.000 Right, there's a lot of sex. 1.00

02:23:08.000 He's got a lot going on, man. 1.00

02:23:11.000 He's got a big-ass place.

02:23:12.000 How big is it?

02:23:14.000 He used to be an Australian IT specialist.

02:23:17.000 But they're in Queensland.

02:23:19.000 I mean, it's not like Queensland is, you know...

02:23:21.000 He's got a big spot, dude.

02:23:22.000 He's got several hundred acres.

02:23:23.000 I'll do respect everybody for Queensland, but whatever.

02:23:25.000 I think he has like 600 acres or something up there.

02:23:28.000 That's where they find the monster great whites. 1.00

02:23:30.000 That's where they find great whites that are 22 feet that have a bite out of them from a bigger great white. 0.97

02:23:37.000 600 acres or something like that?

02:23:38.000 There's Koresh. 0.89

02:23:39.000 Let's see.

02:23:39.000 They always have good hair.

02:23:40.000 Look at Duncan Trussell.

02:23:42.000 Koresh was actually a good looking guy.

02:23:45.000 Yeah, Koresh wasn't bad looking. 0.96

02:23:47.000 No.

02:23:48.000 Great hair.

02:23:50.000 Scruff.

02:23:50.000 But they look similar.

02:23:51.000 If you look at him and then pull up the Australian Jesus. 0.83

02:23:54.000 No, not Charlie Manson.

02:23:55.000 The Australian Jesus. 0.69

02:23:57.000 That guy looks very similar.

02:24:00.000 I'm going to cut my hair for our hunting trip, dude.

02:24:02.000 I'm looking at your head. 0.90

02:24:03.000 You're going to go crazy? 1.00

02:24:04.000 I'm bringing it down. 0.98

02:24:04.000 Bring it down. 0.98

02:24:05.000 You guys are going tomorrow, right?

02:24:07.000 Yeah.

02:24:07.000 What time are we going tomorrow?

02:24:09.000 Let's not advertise on our fucking podcast. 0.99

02:24:11.000 Sorry about all that personal stuff. 0.99

02:24:14.000 This guy, yeah, he has 600 plus acres.

02:24:19.000 Chilling cult transcript.

02:24:21.000 Eh, whatever. 1.00

02:24:22.000 That's a lot of fucking land. 1.00

02:24:23.000 In Queensland. 1.00

02:24:24.000 But he looks so much...

02:24:25.000 Look at him, Brian.

02:24:26.000 Oh.

02:24:26.000 He looks so much like Koresh.

02:24:28.000 Oh, he's handsome.

02:24:29.000 He's got sharp features.

02:24:31.000 Maybe it is Koresh. 0.76

02:24:32.000 But look at them, look.

02:24:33.000 Maybe Koresh escaped. 1.00

02:24:34.000 They both got that weird beard where they can't grow a man's beard, so they grow this fucking... 1.00

02:24:38.000 Yes. 0.99

02:24:39.000 Koresh might have gotten his nose sharpened.

02:24:41.000 Could be him.

02:24:42.000 And his hair straightened.

02:24:43.000 I think that's Koresh. 0.99

02:24:48.000 Duncan's more wild-eyed, I'm telling you.

02:24:50.000 Yeah, he is. 1.00

02:24:51.000 This guy's so silly. 0.99

02:24:54.000 When Duncan got into that hell thing, when he was hanging out with the Church of Satan guy, that was hilarious. 0.99

02:25:00.000 He thinks it's funny, though.

02:25:01.000 He does it for funny.

02:25:02.000 I know, but it is funny.

02:25:04.000 Remember when he did that show?

02:25:06.000 For the wedding.

02:25:07.000 Yeah, for which guy?

02:25:09.000 Anton LaVey's son?

02:25:10.000 Yeah, that was great.

02:25:11.000 It was hilarious.

02:25:11.000 Hank III, Hank Williams Jr. Danzig.

02:25:14.000 Jr. Jr., Hank III played there.

02:25:17.000 Yeah, it was just all crazy chaos, man.

02:25:19.000 Who's your favorite frontman of all time?

02:25:21.000 For what?

02:25:22.000 A band?

02:25:23.000 Yep.

02:25:24.000 I don't know.

02:25:25.000 I never thought about it.

02:25:25.000 What are we, in high school?

02:25:26.000 Who's your favorite?

02:25:27.000 Who do you think is the greatest?

02:25:28.000 Who's yours?

02:25:29.000 You must have one, otherwise you wouldn't have started talking.

02:25:31.000 Either Robert Plant or Freddie Mercury, but I'm not sure.

02:25:34.000 I'm toss-up between the two.

02:25:36.000 Yeah, Robert Plant's right up there.

02:25:38.000 Yeah.

02:25:39.000 Mick Jagger's right up there, too, though.

02:25:42.000 Mick Jagger's up there, but the problem with the Stones, and no one's going to like to hear this.

02:25:45.000 They don't write. 0.99

02:25:46.000 They had a lot of shitty songs. 0.99

02:25:48.000 And they haven't written a song in forever. 1.00

02:25:51.000 But they had some fucking monsters. 0.98

02:25:53.000 They had a few monsters, but when you pick up their albums, there's a bunch of Zeppelin songs that no one talks about that are fucking phenomenal. 0.99

02:26:01.000 You'll listen to them and you're like, oh, I forgot about this. 0.61

02:26:04.000 This is still beautiful.

02:26:06.000 And then you have some Stone song and you're like, what is this? 1.00

02:26:10.000 Shut this fucking thing off. 0.99

02:26:13.000 I think Zeppelin is the number one band. 1.00

02:26:16.000 Yeah, but didn't Zeppelin steal a lot?

02:26:18.000 13 songs.

02:26:18.000 They didn't credit either old-time folk songs or blues or musicians that they were influenced by.

02:26:27.000 Yeah.

02:26:27.000 I mean, Dazed and Confused, and certain songs were...

02:26:31.000 I mean, if you hear it, they're a direct rip-off.

02:26:33.000 And they never credited them.

02:26:34.000 We played that, didn't we?

02:26:36.000 Didn't we play both of them back-to-back?

02:26:38.000 Yeah.

02:26:38.000 There was a video that had all the old blues songs, like the lyrics from them.

02:26:43.000 Made them a lot better.

02:26:46.000 I mean, and a lot better.

02:26:47.000 It just seems like those guys should have got something if they were still alive.

02:26:51.000 And they did.

02:26:52.000 They went back and they settled out of court.

02:26:56.000 Did they Fox News?

02:26:58.000 Stop.

02:26:59.000 Stop calling me Fox News.

02:27:00.000 I hate Fox News.

02:27:01.000 I'm really mad at Fox News.

02:27:02.000 You'd work for them.

02:27:03.000 You'd be like the Alan Combs, but more manly.

02:27:07.000 You'd be like the left-wing guy on Fox. 1.00

02:27:09.000 Fuck those guys. 1.00

02:27:10.000 I'd just be fair, man. 1.00

02:27:11.000 What if they made you wear a dress like those hot girls? 1.00

02:27:13.000 You're not?

02:27:14.000 I don't think they're fair.

02:27:15.000 You don't think they're fair?

02:27:16.000 No.

02:27:17.000 I don't like getting my news from an ideological point of view.

02:27:22.000 I'd rather get BBC. I listen to BBC. Do you think it's possible to have a news channel on television that's undefined?

02:27:30.000 It doesn't slant left.

02:27:32.000 It doesn't slant right.

02:27:33.000 That, at least, was the model, and I think the BBC, in a lot of ways, comes very close to it.

02:27:41.000 Maybe I'm wrong.

02:27:42.000 Yeah, but not there.

02:27:42.000 I'm talking about here, in good old U.S. event.

02:27:45.000 Yeah, I think it is.

02:27:45.000 The land of the free, home of the brave.

02:27:47.000 I think it is.

02:27:47.000 In fact, one of the things that the guy, who was the guy who ran 60 Minutes came in and said, good news and bad news.

02:27:52.000 Good news is we got the highest rating of any news show ever.

02:27:55.000 Bad news is we got the highest rating of any news show ever.

02:27:58.000 In other words, this just turned into a show that's dependent on ratings.

02:28:02.000 And that's why we're all going to get paid a lot more money.

02:28:04.000 Well, that's the infinite growth paradigm, right?

02:28:06.000 It exists in corporations and it also exists on shows. 1.00

02:28:09.000 Fuck yeah, man. 1.00

02:28:10.000 They want the ratings to go up. 1.00

02:28:11.000 The ratings are up, up, up.

02:28:13.000 100% of all Americans. 1.00

02:28:15.000 When you see shit on ISIS and those guys are coming up. 1.00

02:28:17.000 It's on a Fox show. 1.00

02:28:17.000 That's him being a Fox show. 1.00

02:28:19.000 Yeah, you're on Fox, you fucker. 1.00

02:28:20.000 Ah, damn it! 1.00

02:28:21.000 I hate Fox. 1.00

02:28:22.000 You motherfucker! 1.00

02:28:22.000 Motherfuckers! 1.00

02:28:23.000 You have sabotaged me! 1.00

02:28:24.000 Wait a minute, here I am on Fox News.

02:28:26.000 That was a morning show to promote my stand-up.

02:28:29.000 Yeah, that's not the same.

02:28:30.000 That's not real Fox, Fox. 0.99

02:28:32.000 Damn it! 1.00

02:28:33.000 Those local shows are the weirdest fucking form of show business. 1.00

02:28:37.000 Yeah, they are. 0.99

02:28:37.000 Those local morning shows in strange markets, these local shows are the weirdest form of show business ever. 0.99

02:28:43.000 Yeah.

02:28:44.000 Some of them are great.

02:28:45.000 Yep.

02:28:45.000 And some of them are so bad, you can't believe this isn't a school play.

02:28:49.000 You're like, I am on a school play with cameras on it.

02:28:52.000 Well, a lot of them are just so bubbly and just, it's just strange, man.

02:28:58.000 Just fake.

02:28:59.000 Dude, and some of them are so bad.

02:29:00.000 I went on one.

02:29:02.000 Won't name the name.

02:29:04.000 Immediately, guys, first question was, so, what was it like when Phil Hartman was killed?

02:29:09.000 Oh.

02:29:11.000 And I just sort of, I sort of blank faced him.

02:29:14.000 I go, it was terrible.

02:29:16.000 Like, one-word answer.

02:29:17.000 Like, I'm gonna give you a one-word answer for that.

02:29:19.000 I'm not gonna elaborate and expand, but that's his opening question. 0.98

02:29:23.000 It's like, you saw that video where Mike Tyson was talking to the guy in Canada, and the fucking opening statement, the guy says, is this gonna hurt the mayor because you were, you went to jail for rape? 1.00

02:29:33.000 You're a convicted rapist? 1.00

02:29:34.000 You're a convicted rapist. 1.00

02:29:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:29:36.000 I couldn't believe that. 1.00

02:29:37.000 Right away.

02:29:38.000 What a cheap shot. 1.00

02:29:39.000 What a shitty cheap shot. 1.00

02:29:40.000 That's, people love doing that shit. 1.00

02:29:42.000 They love doing that shit. 1.00

02:29:43.000 I think Mike Tyson handled it appropriately. 1.00

02:29:45.000 He handled it the right way. 1.00

02:29:46.000 We're a piece of shit, so what's more stressful is dealing with a piece of shit like you. 1.00

02:29:50.000 I thought, well, being a positive here, but you're a piece of shit. 1.00

02:29:53.000 Yeah, that dude was terrified. 1.00

02:29:55.000 He looked into the eyes of death.

02:29:57.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

02:29:58.000 And Tyson didn't even, fucking his heart didn't even skip a beat. 0.99

02:30:02.000 There wasn't like an extra beat to it. 0.99

02:30:03.000 Everything stayed nice and calm. 0.99

02:30:04.000 Changed He's probably wondering whether or not he should beat the shit out of this guy on the air. 0.99

02:30:08.000 He's already cussing him down. 0.96

02:30:09.000 He's not going to beat him up, but it's probably there, floating around.

02:30:12.000 I'd be thinking that.

02:30:14.000 Like if he just launched himself on this guy and just smashed his face in, it would feel so good for those brief seconds.

02:30:18.000 How much time would he have to do? 0.80

02:30:19.000 Too much.

02:30:20.000 Not worth it.

02:30:21.000 Don't do it.

02:30:21.000 I don't know.

02:30:21.000 It might make him more famous.

02:30:23.000 Yeah.

02:30:23.000 He would go to jail for sure.

02:30:25.000 Yeah.

02:30:25.000 Imagine Mike...

02:30:26.000 Well, he'd be in Canada.

02:30:27.000 If he could get across the border real quick, I doubt we'd extradite him.

02:30:29.000 It's true, actually.

02:30:30.000 Especially if the guy really did...

02:30:32.000 If the guy moved at all in some sort of a threatening way... 0.96

02:30:35.000 Called him a convicted rapist.

02:30:37.000 If he could get the guy to raise his hands up, just anything where it looks like the guy...

02:30:42.000 I did one of those things after I'd done Hangover 2 and they asked me about the experience.

02:30:47.000 I started talking about the ladyboys and how...

02:30:50.000 It's a family show and I started saying, look, I'm a straight man, but those ladyboys look very female. 0.99

02:30:57.000 Man, did they get nervous.

02:30:58.000 They changed the subject.

02:30:59.000 And, okay, well, we're not going to go there.

02:31:02.000 Brian Cannon will be at such and such tonight and tomorrow.

02:31:04.000 I was like, geez, you guys shut me down real quick.

02:31:07.000 They live in a world of no fun.

02:31:09.000 It's really strange.

02:31:10.000 They live in a world of everything has to be like...

02:31:12.000 Formal.

02:31:12.000 All right, let's go over here to the board and take a look at the weather.

02:31:16.000 Well, what we've got here is a cold front moving in.

02:31:19.000 That same guy has to do everything.

02:31:21.000 That same guy has to do...

02:31:22.000 Tom Cruise in a bit of a blow-up with Matt Lauer.

02:31:27.000 We'll tell you about it when we get back.

02:31:29.000 Like, who are you?

02:31:31.000 I know.

02:31:31.000 You don't exist in nature!

02:31:33.000 It's the strangest thing.

02:31:34.000 Guys who just talk as though everything is just fantastic.

02:31:37.000 There's certain people that you know shouldn't exist in nature, and they offend you.

02:31:41.000 They're offensive.

02:31:42.000 There's something about that.

02:31:44.000 They're like, okay, I'll let you read the news.

02:31:46.000 I'll let you be the robot. 0.98

02:31:48.000 But if you fucking try to give your opinion as that robot, well, you know, these days are different than when we were kids. 0.99

02:31:56.000 And a guy like Ray Rice... 0.99

02:31:58.000 She just know better. 1.00

02:31:59.000 Like, okay, you just talked about some important shit in some weird fucking fake voice. 1.00

02:32:06.000 I was just talking about that, about why I have a visceral kind of reaction to that kind of shit. 0.99

02:32:10.000 And I wonder if it's maybe because, historically, those kind of dudes... 0.99

02:32:17.000 Cockblockers. 1.00

02:32:18.000 Well, they were also a liability, right? 1.00

02:32:20.000 Fuck yeah! 0.99

02:32:21.000 Like, you need somebody you can rely on when you go hunt for food, or you gotta go to battle, or whatever it might be, which was mankind's history. 0.99

02:32:29.000 I wonder if those kinds of people were always people you basically...

02:32:32.000 Because when they talk that way, they're not talking to you.

02:32:34.000 Well, I don't trust you.

02:32:37.000 You're not being real with me, so I can't rely on you.

02:32:40.000 I think that's what it is.

02:32:41.000 I think that's what happens to me.

02:32:42.000 Even when I see a guy who's dressed super cool, like there's a lot of time spent on, he's watching himself.

02:32:49.000 I go, oh boy, I don't know, man.

02:32:51.000 That looks good on you, but I'm just having a problem with that necklace and that hat.

02:32:55.000 You have too many rings on.

02:32:57.000 You got too many rings on, man.

02:32:58.000 I can't really talk to you.

02:32:59.000 You're wearing like six rings.

02:33:00.000 I can't talk to you.

02:33:01.000 Can't ultimately be friends with you.

02:33:03.000 That's my problem.

02:33:04.000 That character you can't trust.

02:33:06.000 Like, that's Dr. Smith from Lost in Space, right?

02:33:08.000 You can never count on Dr. Smith.

02:33:11.000 Dear Will!

02:33:12.000 He would give you up.

02:33:13.000 He would give you up to the aliens.

02:33:15.000 That's right.

02:33:15.000 If the aliens were going to kill him, they're like, I'll tell you where they are.

02:33:19.000 I'll tell you where they are. 1.00

02:33:20.000 And you're like, Dr. Smith, you fuck. 1.00

02:33:21.000 And the dad, who was always like rock solid with a square jaw, kept letting Dr. Smith in, this silly little homo. 1.00

02:33:27.000 I'll let him back in. 1.00

02:33:29.000 Dr. Smith was clearly gay. 0.98

02:33:31.000 Never wanted to have anything to do with the wife. 0.97

02:33:34.000 I mean, he was alone with no women.

02:33:36.000 He never fought.

02:33:37.000 Flirted with her.

02:33:38.000 Never imagined what it would be like.

02:33:39.000 He never said to him, you're married.

02:33:41.000 I wish there's no women out here in space. 1.00

02:33:43.000 I mean, you got the best woman on Earth.

02:33:45.000 There's nothing weird or creepy happen.

02:33:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:33:47.000 He was clearly an untrustworthy gay man. 0.99

02:33:50.000 It's probably one of the most homophobic characters ever because he was so weak. 0.98

02:33:55.000 He wasn't, I mean, first of all, he always watched the kids. 0.99

02:33:58.000 Like, the guy was always watching the kids while the dad, who was the fucking astronaut superhero, was fucking saving the planet. 1.00

02:34:05.000 Yeah, he was a hen. 1.00

02:34:05.000 He was sort of a Yeah, he was a hen. 1.00

02:34:07.000 And he was weak. 0.82

02:34:09.000 He was so weak. 1.00

02:34:11.000 He was clearly gay. 1.00

02:34:12.000 The way he talked. 0.97

02:34:14.000 Oh, dear Will! 1.00

02:34:16.000 He was just so weak and clearly gay. 1.00

02:34:20.000 Like, he was such a homophobic character. 0.98

02:34:22.000 But that was the only way anybody would ever accept a character like that on television.

02:34:26.000 Yeah, he had to be feminized.

02:34:27.000 Yeah.

02:34:28.000 Yeah.

02:34:28.000 If he was in that position and he couldn't be trusted, but he was very masculine and strong...

02:34:34.000 Well, if he was really masculine, he'd be banging the astronaut's wife.

02:34:37.000 Right. 0.86

02:34:38.000 Or there would be a conflict.

02:34:39.000 Well, after a while, you're not leaving an alpha male at home while you're going off on expeditions.

02:34:44.000 No.

02:34:45.000 Something's going to happen. 1.00

02:34:46.000 Weird shit would happen. 0.99

02:34:48.000 Especially if the dude's untrustworthy. 0.99

02:34:50.000 Especially if you're in space.

02:34:52.000 You've got no shot at getting back to civilization.

02:34:55.000 How many seasons did they do? 0.98

02:34:56.000 After a couple of years, you've got to realize, we're going to live out here on the moon for a fucking hundred years. 0.99

02:35:03.000 This blows. 0.99

02:35:05.000 And the kids, they have to fucking listen to this guy. 1.00

02:35:08.000 They're following around with him. 0.99

02:35:10.000 They have to go back.

02:35:10.000 Dad!

02:35:11.000 Dad, he's lying!

02:35:12.000 Yeah.

02:35:13.000 Yeah.

02:35:15.000 That might start banging in.

02:35:17.000 Having, like, any sort of person in that sort of, like, completely artificial way in your life.

02:35:25.000 Like, you let them in. 0.99

02:35:27.000 It's like, oh, we let in some weird shit. 1.00

02:35:30.000 Like, if you ever run out to dinner, I know you have, because you hang around with a bunch of idiots. 1.00

02:35:34.000 You ever been out to dinner with a guy? 1.00

02:35:36.000 That's such a rude thing to say.

02:35:38.000 It's so true. 1.00

02:35:38.000 I know you have, but you hang out with a bunch of idiots. 1.00

02:35:40.000 Listen, you know I love you. 1.00

02:35:41.000 You're awesome, but you hang out with fucking dodos. 0.99

02:35:42.000 It's such an aggressive thing to say. 0.99

02:35:44.000 I've known Brian for so long that I know not to go over to his house when he'll tell me, like, sir, he's a good guy.

02:35:50.000 He just, you know, he's just a little weird.

02:35:52.000 He makes a mess or something.

02:35:54.000 He'd come over his house for some party and he'd be stuck talking next to some loon.

02:35:58.000 Like, oh, God.

02:36:00.000 Brian, what are you doing hanging out with this guy?

02:36:02.000 I know, I know, I know.

02:36:03.000 He wants to borrow money.

02:36:04.000 What should I tell him?

02:36:05.000 Tell him no! 1.00

02:36:06.000 The fuck are you doing? 1.00

02:36:08.000 You'd always have some new person that you were hanging around with. 1.00

02:36:11.000 Who would waste a year of my life?

02:36:13.000 Dude, that producer guy that you used to hang around with.

02:36:16.000 When I first started hanging around with Brian, he had this producer guy that he hung around with.

02:36:20.000 Producer?

02:36:21.000 Some guy was like a writer who was trying to make some things happen, meetings.

02:36:25.000 You don't need to name names.

02:36:26.000 You know what I'm talking about.

02:36:26.000 I think.

02:36:27.000 African-American descent.

02:36:28.000 Oh, yes. 1.00

02:36:29.000 Complete total hustler. 0.95

02:36:30.000 Yeah.

02:36:31.000 Oh, boy.

02:36:31.000 And I was like, wait, what?

02:36:34.000 How'd this guy get in?

02:36:35.000 Yeah.

02:36:35.000 This guy's really close to you.

02:36:36.000 Even I saw that.

02:36:37.000 Oh, man.

02:36:38.000 But what did you do?

02:36:38.000 You kept hanging out with him.

02:36:40.000 He just was always around me.

02:36:40.000 You pitched shows with him.

02:36:42.000 Oh, he loved me.

02:36:43.000 Ha! 0.89

02:36:44.000 Showed up drunk to a pitch.

02:36:46.000 Yeah.

02:36:47.000 I mean, drunk like...

02:36:48.000 Well, that guy was a...

02:36:50.000 He believed he was smart.

02:36:51.000 He believed he was smart and slick and he was going to pull it off.

02:36:55.000 And he believed his smiles and his charm would mask... 0.99

02:37:00.000 The overall, like, slickster, hustler bullshit that he had underneath. 0.99

02:37:05.000 But there was no substance. 0.99

02:37:06.000 Like, he would pitch ideas.

02:37:07.000 He'd be like, what is this idea? 0.96

02:37:09.000 This dogshit idea you guys are going to go out with? 0.99

02:37:12.000 He just was all, like, energy. 0.99

02:37:13.000 And he had found a way to integrate himself into Hollywood, you know?

02:37:18.000 And there's a bunch of those dudes, man.

02:37:20.000 And you used to always have them around you.

02:37:22.000 God, there's some of those people in Hollywood. 0.99

02:37:24.000 How many of those dudes did I tell you, dude, you need to get the fuck away from those guys? 0.98

02:37:28.000 Well, I think about how much time I would have saved if I didn't get involved with those dudes. 0.96

02:37:31.000 Then I'd probably find other dudes, you know what I mean?

02:37:33.000 Like, there would always be someone, and I think it's a personality trait, where I would be pot...

02:37:39.000 You know, it's almost like, if you're like me, maybe because you moved around so much, you make friends really quickly, and you see the good only, and then you just, you're there to have a good time. 0.99

02:37:48.000 And then, slowly you go, oh wait, you're a complete fucking... 1.00

02:37:52.000 You're a liar, or whatever you are. 1.00

02:37:54.000 You have great... 1.00

02:37:55.000 I'd save so much time if I had your antenna.

02:37:58.000 You're a genuine...

02:38:00.000 My antenna's not flawless, man.

02:38:02.000 There's a dude that slipped through the wire.

02:38:04.000 There's a couple people that slipped through the wire.

02:38:06.000 One of them is that Rafael Torre guy.

02:38:07.000 I didn't really know him, though.

02:38:09.000 I can't really...

02:38:09.000 I don't know him.

02:38:10.000 He was friends with Eddie Bravo, and he turned out to be a fake Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, and he murdered some guy.

02:38:17.000 Oof.

02:38:17.000 He's in jail right now for murder.

02:38:19.000 He murdered some guy.

02:38:20.000 He was, like, banging the guy's wife, and then, like, they had an insurance policy or something, and he killed the guy. 0.90

02:38:24.000 Oof. 0.90

02:38:25.000 Yeah.

02:38:26.000 And was driving the guy's car. 0.99

02:38:27.000 Some crazy shit was going on. 0.99

02:38:29.000 But when I met him, he didn't seem like a murderer to me, man. 0.99

02:38:31.000 He seemed pretty fucking normal. 0.99

02:38:33.000 And I didn't ever see him do martial arts, so I couldn't see, like, whether he's bullshit or not. 0.98

02:38:40.000 I just met him at, like, a King of the Cage event and talked to him. 0.93

02:38:43.000 But then you find out the guy's, like, a murderer, and now he's in jail for, like...

02:38:46.000 You're like, what?!

02:38:47.000 Yeah.

02:38:47.000 How is...

02:38:48.000 Okay. 1.00

02:38:48.000 Shit. 1.00

02:38:49.000 Maybe if I had a deal with him. 1.00

02:38:51.000 Maybe I had something going on.

02:38:53.000 Where, you know, we were involved in something together.

02:38:55.000 Some business transaction or something. 0.99

02:38:57.000 Maybe I could have seen the bullshit. 1.00

02:38:58.000 Maybe, but those guys are slick. 1.00

02:39:00.000 That's their job.

02:39:01.000 But he wasn't that slick.

02:39:02.000 Because I did eventually watch a video long after Eddie had outed him. 0.99

02:39:06.000 Eddie had told him, like, get the fuck out of here. 0.98

02:39:08.000 Eddie figured out that he wasn't really a black belt. 0.98

02:39:10.000 This was before Eddie was even a black belt.

02:39:12.000 Eddie was like...

02:39:13.000 A purple belt or a brown belt at the time?

02:39:15.000 It was before he beat Hoyler.

02:39:17.000 It was long before that. 0.97

02:39:18.000 But we were in the car once, and Eddie fucking broke him down over the phone while we were in the car. 0.96

02:39:25.000 Really? 0.97

02:39:25.000 Yeah, the guy kept trying to hustle, and Eddie goes, stop, stop, stop. 0.97

02:39:29.000 Are you a black belt in jiu-jitsu?

02:39:32.000 I just need to hear this right now.

02:39:33.000 Are you a black belt in jiu-jitsu?

02:39:35.000 And there was this pause, and he would start some other nonsense, and it's that, well, my dad learned Japanese jiu-jitsu.

02:39:40.000 It's just stop, stop, stop.

02:39:42.000 Do you actually have a black belt in jiu-jitsu?

02:39:45.000 Not your dad, not who you trained with.

02:39:47.000 And he went, there was like a silent moment, and he goes, I don't want to talk to you ever again. 1.00

02:39:53.000 Okay, you're a bullshit artist. 0.99

02:39:54.000 Like, you made me, I brought you around people, you made me look bad. 1.00

02:39:59.000 Like, you're not being honest.

02:40:01.000 You're not an honest person.

02:40:03.000 So, after all that, then I saw a video of the dude working out.

02:40:06.000 I saw a video of him doing like a spinning back kick on a pad. 0.98

02:40:09.000 It's fucking comical. 0.98

02:40:11.000 I mean, it's like someone showed him 20 minutes before. 0.99

02:40:13.000 Wow.

02:40:14.000 It was ridiculously bad.

02:40:15.000 But he had a crazy story, this guy. 0.99

02:40:17.000 He was such a hustler, such a bullshit artist, that he turned up, he told this guy, I need you to give me a ride in the woods. 0.98

02:40:28.000 I'm going to this No Rules Karate Kumite, and I'm going to be gone for a couple days, so come back and get me, like around Saturday. 0.99

02:40:37.000 So, he has this big duffel bag with him.

02:40:39.000 Okay? 0.99

02:40:40.000 This big fucking full duffel bag. 0.99

02:40:41.000 He takes it with him. 0.99

02:40:42.000 He goes off this kumite.

02:40:44.000 And then the guy comes back on Saturday, and now he's holding a trophy.

02:40:47.000 Has the guy pick him up at the same spot.

02:40:49.000 Says, yeah, I won this kumite, and I beat everybody, and now I got a trophy. 0.99

02:40:53.000 And the guy's like, you fucking had a duffel bag that was filled with this fucking trophy. 1.00

02:40:58.000 Oh no! 1.00

02:40:58.000 And you went to the woods. 1.00

02:41:00.000 He told me to come get you in two days.

02:41:01.000 So he probably walked home, took a nap, ate some food, went back up, waited for the dude to pick him up, you know?

02:41:08.000 And then, yeah, man, I got the trophy.

02:41:10.000 I won.

02:41:10.000 You never know, like my buddy Mitch told me this crazy story.

02:41:14.000 He goes back to the high school reunion.

02:41:15.000 And one of the craziest dudes was this guy, Fitzy.

02:41:18.000 And Fitzy used to, like he'd get on a car and you could drive 70 miles an hour and he was holding on to it. 0.91

02:41:23.000 He was just crazy.

02:41:24.000 Always the fun guy. 0.89

02:41:25.000 And he'd fight and get crazy. 0.99

02:41:27.000 And he was the sort of hometown, crazy, fun, fucking nutty kid. 0.99

02:41:33.000 Good kid, fun and crazy. 1.00

02:41:35.000 Right. 0.99

02:41:35.000 So Mitch goes back to his high school reunion in Tennessee and he says, where the fuck is Fitzy? 0.99

02:41:42.000 And his cousin, Fitzy's cousin, goes, ah, bro, it's a bad story, man. 0.99

02:41:47.000 And he goes, what do you mean?

02:41:48.000 He goes, Fitzy's in jail, man. 0.99

02:41:50.000 And he goes, what are you fucking, for what? 0.99

02:41:51.000 And he goes, ah, and everybody got weird. 0.99

02:41:54.000 And he goes, he's just there for a while and he's not coming out for a long time. 0.99

02:41:58.000 What the fuck did he do? 0.97

02:42:00.000 Well, it turns out Fitzy kept going to his Applebee's and there was a waiter there. 0.99

02:42:06.000 And the waiter would wait on him and Fitzy and he became friends.

02:42:10.000 And so one day Fitzy said, let's go to the cornfields and smoke a joint and hang out and see what we can do. 0.95

02:42:15.000 They go to smoke a joint and Fitzy tries to and does rape him and then tries to kill him. 0.98

02:42:22.000 After raping him, a fight ensues. 0.98

02:42:24.000 A fight ensues.

02:42:26.000 Mr. Applebee's runs through the cornfield, gets away, and goes, um, the authorities, please. 0.55

02:42:33.000 I was just raped and attempted to murder me.

02:42:38.000 He was all cut up and stuff. 0.98

02:42:40.000 Well, Fitz, he's in jail now.

02:42:41.000 That's a weird thing. 1.00

02:42:42.000 He tried to fuck a guy. 1.00

02:42:44.000 Fucking kill a guy. 1.00

02:42:45.000 It's not what you hear every... 1.00

02:42:46.000 And hung out with the guy for a long time at Applebee's and befriended him and had actually planned the whole thing.

02:42:52.000 Oh my god.

02:42:53.000 So you never know, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:42:55.000 You never know how crazy somebody fucking is. 1.00

02:42:59.000 Yeah, what the fuck? 1.00

02:43:00.000 The fun guy! 1.00

02:43:02.000 He's fun!

02:43:02.000 He was the fun guy!

02:43:03.000 Hey, come on, buddy!

02:43:05.000 Hey, Fitz is here!

02:43:06.000 He's got a rock!

02:43:06.000 He's got a belly flop off the high dive!

02:43:08.000 Boom! 0.99

02:43:10.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:43:11.000 And now I'm going to fuck you. 1.00

02:43:13.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:43:14.000 Yeah.

02:43:16.000 So, who knows? 0.99

02:43:17.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99

02:43:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:43:20.000 Those guys, when you grow up, too.

02:43:22.000 Like, you grow up in a neighborhood, there's like 50 dudes, whatever, that all kind of know each other. 0.99

02:43:27.000 Like, the potential for one fucking unbelievably crazy person is so strong. 0.96

02:43:34.000 Especially if you're in the city. 0.99

02:43:36.000 Have you ever seen that video of the kid who does a backflip off the top of a second-story building?

02:43:41.000 No.

02:43:41.000 Yep.

02:43:42.000 Wild kid in the street.

02:43:44.000 You know, there's always those wild kids who try anything.

02:43:46.000 I have seen that video.

02:43:47.000 This guy does.

02:43:48.000 And he makes it the first time and does it again.

02:43:50.000 Oh, I didn't know about that.

02:43:52.000 Yeah. 0.91

02:43:52.000 The one that I've seen, I've only seen one when a guy makes it and then he's hanging out in a diner afterwards and everybody's like, how the fuck did you do that? 0.91

02:43:58.000 Yeah.

02:43:58.000 He backed his back to the edge and then just flipped.

02:44:02.000 Flipped through the air, landed, and collapsed on the ground.

02:44:04.000 It was fine.

02:44:05.000 It's one of the most incredible things. 1.00

02:44:06.000 It's the craziest shit I've ever seen. 1.00

02:44:08.000 Did it for zero. 1.00

02:44:09.000 Didn't do it for a nickel.

02:44:10.000 I mean, maybe he had a bet, but whatever.

02:44:13.000 I don't know, but it's the craziest thing I've ever...

02:44:15.000 I mean, I remember that going, oh, that's the craziest thing I've seen. 0.99

02:44:19.000 That shit, that's what happens when people grow up together. 0.99

02:44:22.000 And one guy pushes another guy, and the next thing you've got a Steve-O. You've got some crazy fuck. 1.00

02:44:26.000 Like Steve-O, right? 1.00

02:44:28.000 You've got some crazy fuck. 1.00

02:44:29.000 Well, Johnny Knoxville is the most gnarly. 1.00

02:44:30.000 They're all crazy. 1.00

02:44:31.000 They're all crazy. 1.00

02:44:32.000 Look, Steve-O was with lions. 1.00

02:44:34.000 He climbed a fucking tree, and the lions came up the tree, and they're swatting. 0.99

02:44:37.000 They took his hat from him. 1.00

02:44:38.000 That is fucking crazy. 0.99

02:44:40.000 But he talked about that, and that was a commercial he was doing. 0.99

02:44:42.000 And he said, do they climb trees?

02:44:44.000 No, don't worry.

02:44:44.000 They don't climb trees.

02:44:45.000 And when Steve-O was up there, the lion climbed up the tree and got onto him.

02:44:49.000 And Steve goes, well, I'm going to die now.

02:44:50.000 And the trainer took a raw chicken and waved it at the lion and got him away.

02:44:55.000 But Steve-O tells the story.

02:44:57.000 Whereas Johnny Knoxville will blindfold himself with a cigarette in his mouth and allow a bull to run through him.

02:45:03.000 I saw that.

02:45:04.000 Oh, I haven't seen this one.

02:45:05.000 Is this another kid?

02:45:06.000 Five story. 1.00

02:45:07.000 No fucking way. 0.99

02:45:08.000 Into a pool. 1.00

02:45:10.000 Oh, no way.

02:45:11.000 Why do I not want to see this?

02:45:12.000 I don't either.

02:45:13.000 It makes me so nervous.

02:45:15.000 Is he going to die?

02:45:16.000 It's on a new bombs world, though.

02:45:17.000 Look at this.

02:45:20.000 Oh my god.

02:45:21.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:45:22.000 That's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

02:45:24.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:45:25.000 That's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

02:45:27.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:45:28.000 Please don't do that at home, you guys.

02:45:29.000 Please don't do that, anybody.

02:45:31.000 Maybe I'm old.

02:45:32.000 Please don't do that. 0.98

02:45:33.000 That kid's crazy. 1.00

02:45:35.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:45:37.000 What did it feel like while he was in the air? 0.99

02:45:40.000 Like, what have I done?

02:45:41.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:45:42.000 Imagine what that felt like on his balls. 0.99

02:45:45.000 Oh. 0.99

02:45:46.000 Because your feet hit, and then your balls just get concussed by that water.

02:45:48.000 What's funny is he's not in the air for that long.

02:45:50.000 You know, it's so crazy, like, how fast you fall.

02:45:54.000 Like, do that again.

02:45:55.000 How many seconds was he in the air?

02:45:56.000 Well, not very long.

02:45:58.000 Don't watch it.

02:45:59.000 You can't.

02:46:00.000 It makes you squeamish.

02:46:02.000 Your voice just got high.

02:46:03.000 I get super nervous.

02:46:04.000 I do too.

02:46:05.000 I get so scared.

02:46:05.000 When I used to do the Fear Factor stunts, and they'd be like looking over the edge of some of the buildings these people had to crawl out on.

02:46:10.000 I'm like, oh.

02:46:11.000 Is this another one?

02:46:12.000 Oh no, dude.

02:46:13.000 What is this now?

02:46:14.000 I don't know.

02:46:15.000 Oh no.

02:46:15.000 Please stop it.

02:46:18.000 Oh my God, this guy's going to climb or he's going to swing.

02:46:22.000 This is not good.

02:46:23.000 I don't know, man.

02:46:24.000 I just don't think I want to see this.

02:46:26.000 Well, I do now.

02:46:28.000 Why?

02:46:28.000 What's wrong with you?

02:46:29.000 Because.

02:46:31.000 It's not even another country.

02:46:32.000 You got to push yourself.

02:46:33.000 This is a different language.

02:46:34.000 This guy could die for sure.

02:46:37.000 What are you doing?

02:46:38.000 What is he doing?

02:46:39.000 Why are you doing that?

02:46:41.000 Oh my god.

02:46:43.000 Oh my god.

02:46:44.000 Look at this again.

02:46:51.000 Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:46:54.000 That's so crazy.

02:46:55.000 He barely, barely made it.

02:46:57.000 Look at that.

02:46:57.000 What a jump though.

02:46:59.000 That's insane.

02:47:02.000 He missed by like a, I mean, inches.

02:47:04.000 I don't even want to see that.

02:47:05.000 Inches he would have smashed his knees apart.

02:47:07.000 I have trouble sleeping with that.

02:47:10.000 You know, that's an interesting thing.

02:47:12.000 There was a study on why men do that.

02:47:14.000 And they were trying to figure out what it is about men that makes them want to do ridiculous stunts like that. 0.77

02:47:19.000 And they said that when men do that, it makes them more sexually attractive to females.

02:47:25.000 There's certain females that are attracted to men that don't have fear or are willing to overcome fear.

02:47:31.000 And that...

02:47:33.000 It's somehow or another, they think, in some way connected to the idea of a brave warrior.

02:47:39.000 Because a brave warrior faces something that everyone else is terrified of, but faces it head-on.

02:47:44.000 And that same sort of, like, reaction to watching someone do something that you know as a person is absolutely terrifying.

02:47:51.000 When they see it, it gets them turned on.

02:47:54.000 It makes total sense to me.

02:47:55.000 Totally does, right?

02:47:56.000 I think that's just a misplacement of energy.

02:47:59.000 I mean, that guy would have been, you know...

02:48:02.000 That's a misplacement.

02:48:04.000 Or it's not.

02:48:05.000 I'm just saying that back in the day, he probably would have been with a shield and charging into battle.

02:48:10.000 That's what I mean.

02:48:11.000 What I was saying is, isn't it essentially the same thing that makes someone like a crazy BMX rider?

02:48:16.000 Yeah.

02:48:17.000 When they do those flips.

02:48:18.000 Yeah, man.

02:48:18.000 That's kind of the same thing, right?

02:48:20.000 Of course.

02:48:20.000 It's also pushing yourself beyond what you think you can do.

02:48:24.000 But the BMX guy gets money. 0.86

02:48:27.000 If you're a BMX guy and you do flips and shit and you're awesome at it, you can make a lot of money. 0.91

02:48:32.000 I also think it's juice. 0.98

02:48:34.000 It's also adrenaline.

02:48:35.000 Look, man, getting into a ring every day and fighting dudes where you might get knocked out, that's pretty daredevil-y as well.

02:48:42.000 That's pretty scary, too.

02:48:43.000 Oh, no doubt. 1.00

02:48:44.000 Running punts back in the NFL, fucking scary. 0.99

02:48:46.000 Yeah, but... 1.00

02:48:47.000 Any of that shit, you know? 0.99

02:48:48.000 Something about that is, like, when you're fighting, at least you're under your own sort of control in some sort of a way. 1.00

02:48:55.000 Yeah, you have to deal with somebody else, but if you know what the fuck you're doing, you can kind of mitigate a lot of shit, sort of. 0.97

02:49:00.000 At least you hope you can. 0.99

02:49:01.000 That's the ultimate goal. 0.98

02:49:03.000 But man, when you're fucking doing flips off a mountain, you're going off a mountain or a mountain bike, like... 0.98

02:49:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:49:10.000 Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

02:49:11.000 Bam! 0.98

02:49:12.000 And then you're landing. 1.00

02:49:13.000 Some of those guys are out of their fucking minds. 0.99

02:49:16.000 I think you get addicted to the adrenaline, too. 1.00

02:49:18.000 100%.

02:49:18.000 Yeah.

02:49:19.000 They must.

02:49:19.000 I mean, if I didn't perform, I would die.

02:49:22.000 Yeah, but I think it's a way crazier rush that they get. 1.00

02:49:25.000 Fuck, yeah. 1.00

02:49:25.000 They're doing, like, two flips on TV and landing on a bike. 1.00

02:49:28.000 They do motorcycles where they flip through the air on a motorcycle.

02:49:31.000 Then what happens when that goes away, you know?

02:49:34.000 Well, what happens when it lands on their body?

02:49:36.000 Ugh.

02:49:37.000 That's horrible to watch. 1.00

02:49:39.000 Well, Jason Ellis still has to do crazy shit. 0.99

02:49:42.000 He got in the ring with Keith Jardine the other day, and he just put in a mouthpiece, no headgear, and goes, let's just slug it out. 0.99

02:49:48.000 And he starts going at it with Jardine.

02:49:50.000 Jardine just goes, alright, you know what?

02:49:51.000 Bang! 1.00

02:49:52.000 Just catches him with an uppercut, knocks him out. 0.99

02:49:54.000 Jason was like, it was fucking awesome! 0.99

02:49:56.000 He just needs the juice. 0.99

02:49:57.000 I was like, but that's Jardine who hit you and knocked you out. 0.77

02:50:00.000 That's not good for your brain.

02:50:02.000 He's been shut off a bunch of times, too.

02:50:05.000 I asked him about that once, and he said he's been out cold like six times.

02:50:10.000 I think that was from skateboarding.

02:50:12.000 I don't even think that was from fighting.

02:50:14.000 He loves doing it, though.

02:50:15.000 Sturdy dude, man.

02:50:16.000 Yeah, but that causes depression. 0.98

02:50:19.000 Too much head trauma like that, that causes you to do shit that you wish you didn't do. 0.99

02:50:25.000 I think those football players shoot themselves in the chest so that you can study their brain because they knew something was wrong. 0.99

02:50:30.000 Yeah.

02:50:30.000 Mark Gordon, the guy who's the expert in traumatic brain injury, Dr. Mark Gordon, he said it doesn't take much.

02:50:38.000 He said you could have one wrong car accident where you don't even get injured.

02:50:42.000 You just slam forward and hit the steering wheel.

02:50:45.000 You're fine.

02:50:46.000 Everybody's fine.

02:50:47.000 You're a little fender bender, and you're fucked. 1.00

02:50:49.000 You're fucked. 1.00

02:50:49.000 You're depressed for months. 1.00

02:50:50.000 You don't know why.

02:50:51.000 Wow.

02:50:52.000 Your pituitary gland is just not functioning properly.

02:50:55.000 Your brain gets so rattled.

02:50:56.000 That's why a lot of people with brain injury go on hormone therapy.

02:50:59.000 Because their body stops producing testosterone and that stuff. 1.00

02:51:02.000 Yeah, well there's a bunch of shit. 1.00

02:51:04.000 Your dopamine levels drop. 1.00

02:51:06.000 Your serotonin levels drop.

02:51:07.000 Your human growth hormone levels drop.

02:51:09.000 You get tired.

02:51:10.000 You know they think that that's a lot of what they used to call chronic fatigue syndrome too.

02:51:15.000 Chronic fatigue syndrome, they attribute to a couple different possibilities.

02:51:19.000 One of them is Lyme disease.

02:51:20.000 They didn't understand Lyme disease. 0.98

02:51:22.000 They didn't start diagnosing people with Lyme disease until the fucking 80s or something like that. 0.98

02:51:27.000 It was a fairly recent disease. 0.96

02:51:29.000 But the other one, I think, might have been depression and head trauma, where they just don't want to get out of bed.

02:51:35.000 Remember that, when they used to call it chronic fatigue syndrome?

02:51:38.000 Remember that?

02:51:39.000 It was called...

02:51:39.000 I mean, they had different words for it, but yeah, it was like Epstein-Barr virus.

02:51:44.000 My roommate in college had that for like a year.

02:51:47.000 Yeah.

02:51:48.000 I just, you know, had to...

02:51:49.000 Well, I remember there was some girl that I didn't know, but I knew her like peripherally.

02:51:55.000 And someone was like, yeah, poor girl, she's got chronic fatigue syndrome. 1.00

02:51:58.000 I'm like, what the fuck is that? 0.99

02:51:59.000 And I think... 0.99

02:52:00.000 I don't know if she had been in a car accident or something, but I want to say she was.

02:52:05.000 She's like in a serious car accident. 0.57

02:52:07.000 I'm trying to remember.

02:52:08.000 I'm trying to remember.

02:52:09.000 It's too long ago.

02:52:09.000 I might be confusing stories, but I remember thinking like I had met her before and she seemed normal and now here she is when she doesn't have any energy to do anything.

02:52:17.000 When you have somebody break down just what one organ does and then how it works with all the other organs sometimes, you can't believe that shit doesn't break down more.

02:52:28.000 It's just such an intricate machine and one thing is dependent on the other. 1.00

02:52:31.000 It's fucking nuts. 0.98

02:52:32.000 Where somebody will have a cavity, an issue with their tooth, and they have unexplained foot Pain. 0.99

02:52:37.000 And all of a sudden they realize that the nerve in the tooth is connected to the nerve in the foot.

02:52:44.000 And so what was really causing the problem, the pain in your foot, was not your foot.

02:52:48.000 It was your tooth.

02:52:50.000 Like an infection or something?

02:52:51.000 Yes, an infection.

02:52:52.000 There's a certain nerve that goes from the jaw all the way down. 0.99

02:52:56.000 You know people get fucking heart attacks from tooth infections? 0.99

02:52:58.000 Yes. 0.99

02:52:59.000 It corrodes the artery.

02:53:00.000 The bacteria corrodes the arteries.

02:53:02.000 How bananas is that?

02:53:03.000 It corrodes the valves. 0.99

02:53:04.000 Yeah, it's fucking, you know... 0.99

02:53:07.000 That's why this Ebola thing is so fucking frightening. 1.00

02:53:10.000 Because anything that just immediately shuts your body down, anything that immediately puts your body into a tailspin, 50% of the people that catch this shit die. 1.00

02:53:18.000 Die. 1.00

02:53:19.000 Yeah. 0.56

02:53:20.000 Yeah.

02:53:20.000 It's so weird when something just goes wrong.

02:53:23.000 Like, everything's great today.

02:53:24.000 Today, what did I do?

02:53:25.000 Well, I went and walked the dogs.

02:53:27.000 I got up.

02:53:28.000 I played with my kid.

02:53:30.000 I went and played tennis.

02:53:31.000 What happened yesterday?

02:53:33.000 Oh, you know, same thing.

02:53:34.000 What happens tomorrow?

02:53:35.000 Ebola!

02:53:36.000 Yeah.

02:53:37.000 Boom! 0.99

02:53:38.000 Hemorrhagic virus.

02:53:39.000 Boils all over your face. 1.00

02:53:41.000 Your face is covered in these giant fucking cell phone-sized puss bubbles. 1.00

02:53:45.000 Ugh! 1.00

02:53:46.000 It's horrifying.

02:53:46.000 And you're bleeding.

02:53:47.000 You're crying out of your eyes.

02:53:48.000 It's like seeing that woman who went jogging in Florida.

02:53:51.000 And she was, you know, it was like seven at night.

02:53:53.000 And she had a long day at work.

02:53:54.000 She went running. 0.93

02:53:55.000 And she just dangled her feet off the bridge. 1.00

02:53:57.000 She was like, I just got to dangle my feet. 0.97

02:53:58.000 I'm just fucking hot. 0.97

02:54:00.000 And an 11-foot alligator was like, I'll take you now. 0.99

02:54:02.000 I'll be having you now.

02:54:04.000 Thank you.

02:54:05.000 They found her with no arms.

02:54:07.000 Took her arms. 1.00

02:54:08.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:54:08.000 Yeah, it was a good time. 1.00

02:54:09.000 Alligator was like, I know I'm an alligator and usually I don't do this because crocodiles do it.

02:54:13.000 I'm going to do it today to you. 0.99

02:54:15.000 You're going to be the only three people or four people of the year that's going to be eaten by a fucking 11-foot dragon. 0.99

02:54:22.000 That'll be me. 0.99

02:54:23.000 Isn't that weird that alligators, they let them hang around because they're not too aggressive?

02:54:27.000 It's like they're just docile enough...

02:54:30.000 They usually run from you. 1.00

02:54:31.000 ...that people don't just decide to fucking kill them on sight. 0.99

02:54:33.000 But really, everyone in Florida should be up in arms. 1.00

02:54:37.000 They should run out to the swamps and gun those fucking dinosaurs down. 1.00

02:54:41.000 Like, those are a bunch of kid-eating, dog-eating monsters. 1.00

02:54:44.000 They eat the shit out of dogs. 1.00

02:54:45.000 And a guy was walking his dog, and the alligator didn't go for the dog, went for the guy. 1.00

02:54:49.000 Took the guy. 1.00

02:54:50.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

02:54:51.000 Jesus. 1.00

02:54:52.000 Yeah, they're just not as aggressive as crocs. 1.00

02:54:54.000 If they were crocs, we would be killing them left and right. 1.00

02:54:57.000 Crocodiles? 0.99

02:54:58.000 You know, they found Nile crocs in the Everglades.

02:55:00.000 Stop it.

02:55:00.000 Yes, they have.

02:55:01.000 There's a shoot on sight order for Nile crocodiles. 0.98

02:55:03.000 I fucking knew it because people used to have them as pets. 0.99

02:55:06.000 Nile crocodiles. 0.99

02:55:07.000 Yep, they don't know if they're breeding.

02:55:09.000 They don't have any idea, but they've spotted more than one Nile crocodile in the Everglades.

02:55:13.000 Confirmed sightings.

02:55:14.000 So they're saying...

02:55:15.000 Straight up killers. 1.00

02:55:16.000 Yep, you see them, they kill them on sight. 0.99

02:55:18.000 Straight up, they will come right at you. 0.88

02:55:20.000 You are food as a human being.

02:55:21.000 And they're big.

02:55:22.000 They get really big.

02:55:23.000 It's like that Peace Corps girl who's like, oh, they're in Kenya.

02:55:26.000 Well, the crocodiles died out years ago.

02:55:28.000 She heard.

02:55:29.000 She heard.

02:55:30.000 She goes swimming.

02:55:32.000 The guy's like, I don't know.

02:55:33.000 She's like, I'm going to wither out here.

02:55:35.000 I'm a water baby.

02:55:36.000 30 seconds later, gets pulled under.

02:55:38.000 Crock house got my feet!

02:55:39.000 Vroom, vroom, disappeared.

02:55:40.000 Dude, there was an article I was reading about these people that were canoeing in the Congo, and the guy behind watches the guy in front gets taken by the croc, where the croc just rises up out of the water and literally snatches the guy and spins the canoe upside.

02:55:57.000 Kayak, rather.

02:55:57.000 Oh, the kayak.

02:55:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:55:59.000 I read about that.

02:56:00.000 He's stuck in it, and it goes up and down like a bobber, and then plump, and then pops up.

02:56:05.000 No guy.

02:56:05.000 That's it.

02:56:06.000 He doesn't see the guy ever again.

02:56:08.000 The croc just takes him out of the water. 0.98

02:56:10.000 So the motto of that story is, don't fucking kayak in the Nile. 0.98

02:56:15.000 I mean, in the Congo. 0.99

02:56:17.000 Don't do that. 1.00

02:56:17.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

02:56:18.000 That would be the motto of that story. 1.00

02:56:20.000 You fucking... 1.00

02:56:21.000 Are you out of your fucking mind? 1.00

02:56:22.000 They're not like sharks. 1.00

02:56:24.000 They will bother you.

02:56:25.000 They come after you.

02:56:26.000 They come after everything.

02:56:27.000 Yeah.

02:56:27.000 That's what they're...

02:56:27.000 They're here for cleanup.

02:56:28.000 The fucking zoologist said in Uganda, he saw a saltwater crocodile, eat a goddamn tire. 1.00

02:56:33.000 Eat a whole tire. 1.00

02:56:34.000 I was like, I'm gonna eat this tire.

02:56:36.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:56:37.000 Ate a fucking tire. 1.00

02:56:37.000 I was like, can you repeat that again? 1.00

02:56:39.000 He goes, it ate a tire.

02:56:40.000 I go, a car tire?

02:56:40.000 He goes, yeah, it ate it.

02:56:41.000 Oh, my God.

02:56:42.000 So, your food.

02:56:44.000 Yeah, they eat everything.

02:56:45.000 Your t-shirt, everything.

02:56:47.000 If you think about it, where are they?

02:56:49.000 Well, they live in a place that's so rich with life that they have to be consistent in their ability to kill it.

02:56:57.000 They're the cleanups.

02:56:59.000 There's too many water buffaloes.

02:57:01.000 There's too many wildebeests.

02:57:03.000 When there's too many wildebeests, they go near the waterhole and they get got.

02:57:06.000 They get snatched.

02:57:07.000 That's right.

02:57:08.000 But you know who doesn't get snatched?

02:57:10.000 Hippos. 1.00

02:57:11.000 Crocs don't fuck with hippos at all. 1.00

02:57:15.000 Hippos wade into the water with crocs and swim right by them. 0.99

02:57:19.000 It's the most amazing thing to say.

02:57:20.000 Yep. 1.00

02:57:21.000 Because hippos are so fucking violent. 1.00

02:57:23.000 They're like, go fuck yourself. 1.00

02:57:24.000 They break crocs in half. 1.00

02:57:26.000 They cut crocs in half.

02:57:28.000 Yeah.

02:57:29.000 We're out of time.

02:57:30.000 That's it.

02:57:31.000 We have no more time.

02:57:32.000 Brian Callan, you are my friend. 1.00

02:57:33.000 You are the shit. 1.00

02:57:34.000 Thank you. 1.00

02:57:35.000 You are hilarious.

02:57:35.000 If people want to see Brian, it's B-R-Y-A-N Callan.

02:57:40.000 Has anybody taken B-R-I-A-N Callan and just started tweeting pictures of dicks? 0.99

02:57:45.000 I don't know, man. 0.98

02:57:46.000 I don't know.

02:57:47.000 B-R-Y. B-R-Y-A-N Callen on Twitter.

02:57:52.000 All right, my friend.

02:57:53.000 Much love.

02:57:54.000 Anything to tell people?

02:57:55.000 Where are you going to be again?

02:57:56.000 I'll be in Atlanta Improv October 16th, 17th, 18th.

02:57:58.000 Come see me.

02:57:59.000 Go see them!

02:58:00.000 It's hilarious!

02:58:00.000 Yeah!

02:58:01.000 Very funny stand-up!

02:58:02.000 Mm-hmm!

02:58:02.000 Brian, you got anything going on?

02:58:04.000 Columbus, Ohio, Grand Rapids, Michigan, and Indianapolis.

02:58:08.000 You can just go to deskwad.tv, click on tour dates.

02:58:10.000 Deskwad.tv, click on tour dates. 0.99

02:58:12.000 That's it, you fucks. 0.99

02:58:13.000 We'll see you soon. 1.00

02:58:14.000 Much love.

02:58:14.000 Later!

02:58:15.000 Big kiss.

02:58:31.000 Thank you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 30, 2014

Joe Rogan Experience #556 - Bryan Callen

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