The Joe Rogan Experience - January 13, 2015


Joe Rogan Experience #599 - Shane Smith

Topics
Russia dictatorship Arctic melting and ice gain debates land ice melting fermented puffin wine and alcohol history Re-Equip Parkinson's case censorship by cartoons global culture export college basketball vs. North Gore army terrorism and energy dependence ISIS embedded with ISIS freedom of speech Africa fatigue universal healthcare at war global warming money financial independence access
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Shane Smith
Mentioned
Kim Jong-un Jack Daniels Anderson Cooper Putin Michael Jordan Saddam Hussein Charlie Hebdo Shane Smith Brad Pitt Sting Definitely Obama Jesus Christ Lake Austin Spike Jonze Moonshine Mongols Hitler Bama Larry King Live Leif Erikson and 70 more
Joe Rogan Experience #598 - Joey "CoCo" Diaz Joe Rogan Experience #601 - Katy Bowman

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 46 minutes

Words per minute

186.65

Word count

31,015

Sentence count

3,241

Harmful content

Misogyny

67

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,386

sentences flagged

Hate speech

139

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

On this week's episode of Joe Rogan Experience, the boys are joined by a special guest who's been on the cover of the New York Times for the past few years. They talk about his recent trip to North Korea, the Kim Jong-un regime, and what it's like to be a journalist in the communist country. They also talk about some of the craziest things they've ever done, and why they think it's a good idea to have a TV show about it. Also, they talk about the new Star Trek series Star Trek: The Rise of the Blue Planet and why it's not as cool as it used to be, and how they're going to make Star Trek better than it was before Star Trek ever became a movie. And of course, there's a whole lot of talk about Star Trek and Star Wars and other stuff that's not so cool anymore. Enjoy! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The opinions stated here are our own, not those of our companies, unless otherwise stated. We do not own the rights to any music used in this podcast. All credit given to any of the music used is given to us by our patrons. If you like the music, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever else you get your music, we'll be listening to music on the airwaves. Thank you! -Jon Sorrentino and we'll get back to you next week with a new episode of the podcast, so we can all be in touch on the music we've been listening to the music you've listened to in the past week. -ROBERT AND RYAN BONUS EPISODES! (featuring some of our favorite artists of the past weeks' music from the past two weeks, we hope you'll leave us some love and support us in the next week or we'll send us some more of your music on our socials, we're getting a review of their music in the coming weeks. (we'll be working on the next episode) and we're making a new ad-free version of the new music we're working on a new version of our new song "I Can't Say That" we'll have it out next week, so don't forget to let us know what you're listening to us send us your thoughts on that too!

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:04.000 This is our whole new setup.
00:00:05.000 We're in HD now.
00:00:06.000 You're going to look beautiful.
00:00:07.000 I need not HD. I need like cheesecloth.
00:00:11.000 I need Vaseline. 0.93
00:00:12.000 Joe Rogan.
00:00:13.000 Experience.
00:00:14.000 Train by day.
00:00:15.000 Joe Rogan podcast by night.
00:00:17.000 All day.
00:00:19.000 We're all in HD. We got multicolored.
00:00:22.000 Look at the colors.
00:00:23.000 Different colors for the buttons now.
00:00:24.000 I like it.
00:00:25.000 That's huge.
00:00:25.000 When you get lit up colors, that's what I thought the future was going to look like when there was computers in like 2015. I thought it would be like the inside of like a spaceship.
00:00:34.000 Because that was Star Trek.
00:00:35.000 Yeah, like multicolored.
00:00:37.000 Like all of our buttons are the same color.
00:00:37.000 That's Hal.
00:00:39.000 That is Hal, right?
00:00:41.000 That's the TriCaster.
00:00:42.000 So we're in HD now.
00:00:43.000 You're beautiful, baby.
00:00:44.000 You're beautiful.
00:00:45.000 Look at you.
00:00:45.000 You're beautiful.
00:00:46.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:00:47.000 Where's my hair and makeup? 1.00
00:00:47.000 I need hair. 1.00
00:00:49.000 What's going on, man? 1.00
00:00:50.000 You fucking savage world traveler. 1.00
00:00:52.000 You're the most savage world traveler I know. 1.00
00:00:55.000 You're the dude, I'll get a text message from you when you're in fucking Bulgaria or some shit. 1.00
00:00:59.000 You're in North Korea on some wacky cell system that the communists use. 1.00
00:01:04.000 You're all over the world.
00:01:06.000 I didn't text you from North Korea because they won't let me, but yeah, I was just in Antarctica in the South Pole.
00:01:12.000 That's hard to get to.
00:01:14.000 Very hard to get to.
00:01:15.000 Your special was one of the first things that I ever saw on North Korea that made me really start to investigate it.
00:01:22.000 I knew that there was a lot of human rights violations and this horrible things that they're doing to people in prisons.
00:01:29.000 Yeah.
00:01:31.000 I want you going to those fake restaurants and having these people take you around and trying to present you with this image of what North Korea is like.
00:01:40.000 Like, oh, it's just like everyone else.
00:01:42.000 Come here.
00:01:43.000 And you were like really, you know, talking about it pretty openly on camera while you were there.
00:01:47.000 That made me really, like, start to look into it.
00:01:50.000 And this is before all this shit has gone down with the interview, of course, and before people really... 0.63
00:01:56.000 I think, like, after his dad died, that's when people really got a sense of, like, well, this is not going to end here. 0.99
00:02:03.000 Like, this crazy communist... 0.98
00:02:05.000 This is, like, the last real crazy communist dictator. 0.99
00:02:09.000 Yeah. 0.75
00:02:10.000 Like the old school sort of utopian communist, you know, cult of personality.
00:02:16.000 They're God.
00:02:16.000 They're, you know, the president.
00:02:18.000 They're, you know, George Washington.
00:02:21.000 They're everything.
00:02:22.000 Yeah.
00:02:22.000 And yeah, it's still going on, which is crazy.
00:02:25.000 In fact, they picked Kim Jong-un because he looked like his grandfather, Kim Il-sung.
00:02:29.000 And so the people were like, oh, you know, they're the same guy kind of thing.
00:02:33.000 Yeah.
00:02:34.000 It's so weird.
00:02:35.000 I mean, I'm one of those people that I'll get something in my head, and then that will be stuck in my head for weeks and weeks and weeks. 0.94
00:02:42.000 For a long time was the Mongols, and people were like, dude, will you just shut the fuck up about the Mongols? 0.88
00:02:47.000 Did you see that movie Mongol? 0.99
00:02:49.000 So good.
00:02:49.000 Yeah, I did.
00:02:50.000 Pretty good.
00:02:51.000 You know what's really good, man?
00:02:52.000 Marco Polo on Netflix.
00:02:53.000 Check it out.
00:02:54.000 Yeah, it deals with Kublai Khan, who's like the descendant, the grandson of Genghis Khan.
00:03:00.000 Yeah, I always said Genghis. 0.99
00:03:00.000 Genghis. 0.99
00:03:02.000 Me too.
00:03:03.000 But then I got into North Korea after your show.
00:03:06.000 After watching you in that restaurant going like, what a weird charade this is.
00:03:10.000 The government's putting on a charade for journalists.
00:03:12.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:03:13.000 And also I was thinking, like, they fucking... 0.99
00:03:14.000 They kidnapped people. 0.99
00:03:16.000 Sure.
00:03:17.000 Like, you going there and doing that was pretty dangerous.
00:03:20.000 Yeah.
00:03:20.000 There's another film.
00:03:21.000 We interviewed the woman, actually.
00:03:24.000 I think they just sold the rights when they're making the film.
00:03:27.000 It's a crazy story of...
00:03:30.000 There was, like, basically the Orson Welles of South Korea.
00:03:34.000 So after the war, they had this crazy film scene going on in South Korea.
00:03:38.000 And there was, like, the Orson Welles and, like, the hottest star, the Marilyn Monroe, basically, right?
00:03:44.000 And their husband and wife.
00:03:45.000 And they end up getting into a fight.
00:03:46.000 And the wife goes to Japan. 0.90
00:03:48.000 She's crying.
00:03:49.000 She's pissed off.
00:03:49.000 She goes to Tokyo.
00:03:51.000 Boom.
00:03:51.000 Disappears.
00:03:52.000 Yeah.
00:03:52.000 Right?
00:03:53.000 And no one can find her. 1.00
00:03:54.000 What the fuck's going on? 0.99
00:03:55.000 So he goes to Tokyo. 1.00
00:03:57.000 Boom.
00:03:58.000 He disappears.
00:03:59.000 Now, it turns out they were kidnapped by the North Koreans, right? 0.52
00:04:02.000 By Kim Il-sung.
00:04:04.000 Yeah.
00:04:05.000 And so they had made this film studio, which I actually went to.
00:04:09.000 It's a complete replica of 20th Century Fox back in the 50s.
00:04:13.000 And they make all these anti-American films. 0.97
00:04:15.000 Anyway, it turned out that the woman who he kidnapped, he turned into sort of a sex slave. 0.53
00:04:21.000 And the star of all these North Korean propaganda movies, because he used to make a ton of movies.
00:04:26.000 They get the husband and say, now you're going to direct her in these movies, right? 0.54
00:04:30.000 They kidnapped him in Tokyo. 1.00
00:04:32.000 And he said, fuck you, I'm not going to do that. 1.00
00:04:34.000 So they had put him in a concentration camp, which a Korean concentration camp may be the worst place in the world. 1.00
00:04:39.000 So he's eating grass and he's being tortured.
00:04:41.000 Five years, right? 1.00
00:04:42.000 Five fucking years he's in this concentration camp. 0.99
00:04:45.000 Finally, he says, okay, I'll do it. 0.99
00:04:47.000 I'll direct the films.
00:04:48.000 So they let him out.
00:04:50.000 And he goes to Kim Jong-il's palace.
00:04:53.000 And then all of a sudden, there's his wife. 0.99
00:04:56.000 And his wife all of a sudden realizes, holy shit, he's A, alive. 0.99
00:04:59.000 B, he came to get me. 0.99
00:05:01.000 C, he's been in the concentration camp. 0.99
00:05:03.000 And he realizes, oh, she's been eating shrimp pate all day, fucking Kim Jong-il, while I'm in the concentration camp. 0.99
00:05:11.000 In any case, they get together and make like seven movies, big movies for North Korea. 0.99
00:05:15.000 And in fact, one of them called Escape...
00:05:19.000 No joke.
00:05:20.000 Called Escape.
00:05:21.000 Wins a Moscow-like Oscar, like a Soviet Oscar at the time. 0.56
00:05:25.000 As a reward, they get to go to Vienna, which was their dream because it's where the third man was filmed.
00:05:32.000 He then, and she, and their tour of Vienna, they're allowed to tour Vienna, they defect.
00:05:39.000 And they get out, and finally they escape.
00:05:42.000 And then they told the story, and now they're making a movie about it.
00:05:46.000 So they're probably going to shut that.
00:05:48.000 Whoever puts that out is going to get shut down too. 1.00
00:05:51.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:05:53.000 That is the craziest story ever. 1.00
00:05:55.000 Yeah, true story, yeah.
00:05:56.000 That a guy can still live like that.
00:05:58.000 I mean, that's basically the same as people lived 5,000 years ago. 1.00
00:06:02.000 I mean, that kind of shit. 1.00
00:06:03.000 Kidnapping people, forcing the wife to be a sex slave, forcing the husband into a concentration camp, torturing him, starving him. 1.00
00:06:11.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:06:11.000 It's completely insane. 0.99
00:06:13.000 Whenever you start dealing with North Korea in any level about anything, it's crazy as fuck. 0.98
00:06:19.000 It's just amazing that it's still around like that. 0.98
00:06:22.000 Yeah, it is.
00:06:23.000 It's just such an archaic idea.
00:06:26.000 Yeah.
00:06:26.000 I mean, it really doesn't fit in what we think of as 2015, the modern world.
00:06:32.000 Although it wasn't that long ago, you know, that you had Stalinist Russia, you had Maoist China, you had Hitler's Germany... 0.76
00:06:39.000 Where people just went, yep, that's the dude.
00:06:42.000 He's the one who tells us how to do everything, you know.
00:06:45.000 I think it's really disturbing because it's happening now.
00:06:48.000 And even though like 40 years ago or 50 years ago isn't really that long ago, now feels like that could be us.
00:06:54.000 But I think if you look at what's happening in Russia, it's not so far away because obviously the thing about North Korea, which is weird, is it's like going back to 1938. It's like going back in time.
00:07:06.000 But the thing about Russia, if you go to Russia now, they're like, there is no economic crisis.
00:07:11.000 America did this to us.
00:07:12.000 The oil is falling because America did this to us.
00:07:15.000 It's total Cold War rhetoric and Putin is...
00:07:19.000 You know, the new czar.
00:07:21.000 He's taken over all power, and he runs the press, and he runs everything.
00:07:27.000 And it's definitely not going forward in Russia.
00:07:30.000 It's going backwards.
00:07:31.000 Yeah, he's a weird case, isn't he?
00:07:34.000 I mean, it's just so blatant that this guy is a dictator.
00:07:37.000 When you see what happens when there's any sort of dispute over there, and even with these oligarchs, they take them, they put them in jail, and they take their businesses.
00:07:48.000 And he's done this more than once, right?
00:07:50.000 He did it to a guy recently, and he only wound up taking one of his oil businesses.
00:07:56.000 Yeah, and he's done it famously with Gazprom and Rosneft, where one guy became the richest dude in the world and three other guys got either assassinated or went to jail.
00:08:08.000 So I think that when you look at it, it's a tough place to do business, Russia, unless you've got a key card to the Kremlin, you're not going to get anything done.
00:08:19.000 I mean, it's so blatant.
00:08:21.000 It's so blatant.
00:08:22.000 It's so strange that that can happen.
00:08:24.000 They just reactivated 28 Cold War bases this year.
00:08:29.000 So they were done.
00:08:30.000 Okay, Cold War is over. 1.00
00:08:31.000 Yeah, fuck, we're done. 1.00
00:08:33.000 Boom, 28 bases reactivated. 1.00
00:08:35.000 Like, uh, what?
00:08:37.000 Do you think that they feel like the only way to recharge the economy is being a full-blown conflict with the United States?
00:08:44.000 I think that it was a humiliation in Russia.
00:08:47.000 You know, we look at sort of Gorbachev and Yeltsin and go, oh, you know, they finally came to their senses and joined the world and whatever.
00:08:55.000 You know, Yeltsin drank a bit too much or whatever.
00:09:00.000 But that's seen as a huge humiliation.
00:09:03.000 We were, if not number one, we were number two for a long time.
00:09:07.000 And then we went to B and also ran.
00:09:09.000 And there was a lot of resentment there.
00:09:12.000 B, then, as oil came on the ascendancy, they're like, okay, we're going to throw our weight around.
00:09:17.000 So they were subsidizing oil.
00:09:19.000 For example, Cuba was subsidized oil.
00:09:22.000 One of the reasons why they're like, oh, let's be friends again, is there's no more oil subsidies, and it's the same thing in the region.
00:09:28.000 And then I think what happened is Putin came along and said, Russia's the best again, and we're going to fuck with people, and we're going to take back our land that they took from us, and we're going to take back this, and our military's the best, and we're going to put more money in the military, and we're going to reactivate these bases. 0.63
00:09:44.000 And people went, yeah, good, why not? 0.93
00:09:47.000 By the way, you've got to remember, too, that they grew up...
00:09:51.000 Where we were the boogeyman.
00:09:53.000 Right. 0.99
00:09:53.000 So it's not too, like, you know, all the old people, like if you look at the Fox News people, they're like, yeah, fucking Russia, they're all commies. 0.99
00:10:00.000 Well, all the people in Russia are going, I know the Americans, they eat the babies, you know, and so it's not that much of a stretch. 1.00
00:10:07.000 Well, and if you look at, like, the way we behave abroad, I mean, the fact that we have multiple wars going on, that we have drone attacks.
00:10:14.000 On their border. 0.98
00:10:14.000 We look scary as fuck to someone outside of us. 0.98
00:10:17.000 Remember that Sting song, The Russians Love Their Children Too? 0.99
00:10:21.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:10:22.000 It was a great song.
00:10:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:10:23.000 And I remember listening to that song and thinking, was it Sting or The Police?
00:10:28.000 Might have been...
00:10:29.000 I think it was Sting.
00:10:30.000 It sounds like Sting, but it was the era of the police.
00:10:34.000 He was...
00:10:34.000 Yeah.
00:10:36.000 I mean...
00:10:38.000 We thought of them as that it was going to kill everybody. 0.99
00:10:42.000 There was going to be a nuclear war, the Russians were going to kill everybody. 0.99
00:10:45.000 It hovered over our head all the time.
00:10:47.000 Well, you and I grew up at the end of the Cold War when it was still full on.
00:10:51.000 Yeah, it's terrifying.
00:10:53.000 You ever watch war games?
00:10:55.000 Yeah.
00:10:55.000 And that was just a given.
00:10:57.000 Yeah, of course we're going to destroy each other.
00:10:59.000 It's just a matter of time.
00:11:00.000 And then when you get to school and you find out about the Cuban Missile Crisis, you go, wait, wait, how close was that?
00:11:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:11:06.000 Oh, fuck, man. 1.00
00:11:07.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:11:07.000 Wait a minute. 1.00
00:11:08.000 Like, they were going to, what?
00:11:08.000 Yeah.
00:11:09.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:11:10.000 We were going to go to nuclear war with fucking Cuba? 1.00
00:11:12.000 For what? 1.00
00:11:12.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:11:12.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:11:13.000 The idea that that almost happened or could have happened. 0.99
00:11:16.000 Or got even, like, step one in a three-step process of happening.
00:11:16.000 It's crazy.
00:11:20.000 Yeah, it's completely insane and we had this small interim of sanity where we all went, hey, those guys were crazy.
00:11:28.000 It's a good thing we're not like that anymore.
00:11:30.000 And now we're going, yeah, we still have all those warheads pointed at them.
00:11:34.000 They still have all those warheads pointed at us.
00:11:36.000 And you're like, well, why?
00:11:37.000 It really is amazing.
00:11:37.000 Why?
00:11:39.000 If you think about how long people have been alive for, it really is amazing that we've only dropped two nuclear bombs since 1947. I mean, just those two, and that was it.
00:11:50.000 Well, they're bad, so they scared the shit out of us. 0.98
00:11:52.000 They're so bad, but... 0.98
00:11:53.000 Everything else, we keep doing. 0.99
00:11:56.000 Everything else that's fucked up, we keep doing. 0.94
00:11:58.000 But that was the one thing that we ever did that was so brutal. 0.93
00:12:01.000 There was no way of morally rationalizing it.
00:12:08.000 Well, even us at our craziest and even the Russians at their craziest. 1.00
00:12:12.000 You know, we never did it.
00:12:14.000 But the problem is, is we were rational actors.
00:12:17.000 We were like, even if we hated each other, and even if there was propaganda, we're still rational actors.
00:12:22.000 The problem, the worry is, you have irrational actors, like Pakistan has over 100 warheads. 1.00
00:12:28.000 And they're rapidly becoming an irrational actor because they're losing control over their country to the Taliban, whose agenda is clearly stated that they want to fuck us up. 0.97
00:12:44.000 So, I mean, that's where it gets terrifying. 0.95
00:12:46.000 Yeah.
00:12:48.000 It's the new year, Joe.
00:12:50.000 We shouldn't get straight into...
00:12:53.000 The vector for warhead number 6179 is Carmel, California.
00:13:00.000 I have these conversations with you more than anybody I know. 0.99
00:13:03.000 You're the one who actually goes to these fucking places. 0.99
00:13:07.000 You actually go to all these creepy, scary spots and come back with news. 0.99
00:13:11.000 But, you know, I used to be afraid of why, you know, I go to all these war zones and I still am, but, you know, war is bad.
00:13:19.000 Everyone always says, well, we go to war and they picture sort of manly G.I. Joe type shooting each other and it generally doesn't look like that.
00:13:24.000 It's lots of collateral damage and women and children being fucking blown to shit and then guys go in there and get PTSD and get their ass shot off. 0.99
00:13:33.000 But, you know, the thing is, one of the things that I recently came back from that fucked me up, like really, I mean, to the point where I'm having kind of an existential crisis going, well, what's it all mean? 0.99
00:13:45.000 Is I went to the South Pole because we did this piece on Greenland melting, which won us the Emmy last year. 0.92
00:13:53.000 We got a lot of, whatever, discussion around it on both sides of the debate, although why it's a fucking debate, I don't know.
00:14:03.000 But anyway, the Arctic is melting.
00:14:04.000 One of the things that's happening, the reason why the Cold War is heating up again is under the Arctic ice, there's tons of oil and gas.
00:14:10.000 And Russia didn't have any other money besides oil and gas.
00:14:12.000 So Russia literally went, put the flag in the Arctic circle.
00:14:16.000 We talked to the guy who did it and said, well, we own all this now.
00:14:18.000 We're taking all the oil and gas.
00:14:20.000 Of course, every country that borders them is a NATO country.
00:14:23.000 And if you attack one, you attack them all.
00:14:25.000 So this is why the Cold War is heating up.
00:14:27.000 People are afraid.
00:14:28.000 Anywho...
00:14:29.000 So we go, the Arctic is melting, Greenland's melting.
00:14:32.000 Everyone now is like, yeah, yeah, okay, we'll give you that.
00:14:34.000 We'll give you Greenland's melting and the Arctic's melting.
00:14:37.000 But Antarctica is actually gaining in ice.
00:14:40.000 So, like, it's kind of evening itself out, which is crazy to begin with.
00:14:44.000 But we're like, okay, instead of saying... 0.99
00:14:47.000 You're crazy. 1.00
00:14:48.000 We're going to say, okay, fuck it. 1.00
00:14:49.000 We'll go. 1.00
00:14:50.000 We'll go down and we'll see what the fuck it is. 0.99
00:14:52.000 So we go down with NASA. We go down with, you know, the top scientists in the world from, I mean, from, well, from about 20 different countries, but the top guy is a French guy. 0.99
00:15:03.000 And we go to the South Pole and we're like, so, you know, Arctic is melting and Greenland's melting, but Antarctica is not.
00:15:14.000 Like, we have ice gain. 1.00
00:15:16.000 And they're like, You're fucking stupid. 1.00
00:15:20.000 And because what was happening was there's sea ice, right? 1.00
00:15:20.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:15:25.000 Which is like if it's like a lake. 0.99
00:15:27.000 You know, it freezes and then it melts.
00:15:29.000 It freezes and then it melts.
00:15:30.000 And the lake doesn't go up or down because it's the same water.
00:15:34.000 It's like an ice cube that's already in the glass.
00:15:36.000 Right.
00:15:37.000 It just melts and doesn't... 0.99
00:15:40.000 Land ice, the old ice, the shit that's melting, is like putting new ice in the glass, right? 0.99
00:15:45.000 So it overflows. 0.99
00:15:46.000 That's sea level rise. 0.99
00:15:47.000 So they're like, yeah, there's sea ice gain on this side, and on this side, the sea ice is the shit that doesn't matter. 0.99
00:15:55.000 And on this side, land ice is fucking melting as fast as it can go. 1.00
00:15:58.000 Land ice is a scary shit. 0.99
00:16:00.000 Land ice is adding the new water in. 0.99
00:16:03.000 So that's sea level rise.
00:16:04.000 That's glaciers. 0.84
00:16:06.000 Glaciers, exactly.
00:16:07.000 So I go down there and I go with all these different scientists. 0.96
00:16:09.000 I go on planes with lasers and radar to fucking measure everything. 0.99
00:16:13.000 And all these dudes and scientists are like, oh, fuck yeah. 0.99
00:16:17.000 Like bored. 1.00
00:16:18.000 Like, yeah, it's a given.
00:16:19.000 It's melting.
00:16:20.000 We're done.
00:16:20.000 It's going to melt.
00:16:21.000 It's going to fucking melt. 0.99
00:16:22.000 And we're like, well, why don't we know about that? 0.99
00:16:26.000 They're like, well, we do.
00:16:27.000 I mean, we publish the reports.
00:16:28.000 We publish the data.
00:16:29.000 NASA published the data.
00:16:30.000 It's fine.
00:16:30.000 We publish the data.
00:16:31.000 And you're like, um, I'm a guy who does this for a living, and I don't know this shit. 1.00
00:16:37.000 Like, why the fuck? 0.99
00:16:38.000 So, you know, we got the top scientists, and we went through the thing, whatever. 1.00
00:16:42.000 And they're like, yeah, oh, fuck, yeah, it's gonna be, you know, three meters, four meters. 0.98
00:16:46.000 And at that point, you're like, well, that remaps the world. 0.99
00:16:49.000 Shouldn't we be making a bigger fucking deal about this? 0.97
00:16:52.000 Because... 1.00
00:16:53.000 You know, and I always get a shit for shit talking about. 0.99
00:16:56.000 I'm not, you know me, I'm not a tree hugger. 1.00
00:16:58.000 I'm a fucking beer drinking, football loving, steak eating guy. 0.99
00:17:02.000 But when I see shit like this, I go, uh, why the fuck aren't we freaking the fuck out? 1.00
00:17:08.000 Because all the wars in the world don't matter if we add, you know, three, four meters of sea level rock. 0.99
00:17:14.000 So don't get anything on the ocean in Malibu.
00:17:16.000 Don't do that.
00:17:18.000 Is that the hidden message here?
00:17:18.000 Is that what you're saying?
00:17:21.000 Don't try to be that dude.
00:17:22.000 If you do, sell it within five years.
00:17:24.000 Those dudes that live in those stilt houses, like how confident are you that the ocean's not going to take your place, man?
00:17:31.000 You get stilts into the sand.
00:17:32.000 Yeah.
00:17:33.000 Well, it's anchored in cement.
00:17:34.000 Oh, that's going to stop the ocean.
00:17:37.000 The ocean, yeah, yeah.
00:17:38.000 Anyway.
00:17:39.000 How much quicker is this happening?
00:17:41.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:17:42.000 We don't have to get into this because we're back into doom and gloom.
00:17:42.000 That's the weird thing, right?
00:17:45.000 It's okay.
00:17:47.000 But isn't water good?
00:17:48.000 The IPCC report...
00:17:50.000 Well, the one thing is, is we won't...
00:17:52.000 It looks like a lot of people won't die because they'll move, right? 0.99
00:17:55.000 We have legs and we can move, we can build new cities and shit. 0.97
00:17:59.000 The problem is, is, you know, we go to Antarctica and all these... 0.98
00:18:04.000 They're all scientists.
00:18:06.000 And they're like, you know, very clinical.
00:18:06.000 They're all old dudes.
00:18:08.000 Yes, well, we'll lose three meters and then mean this and this and this.
00:18:12.000 And then you go to Bangladesh, which is sort of at sea level. 0.80
00:18:15.000 And they're just, you know, I think last year alone there was like 20 million climate change migrants. 0.72
00:18:20.000 So then you go to the city and it's just, I mean, it's fucking, you know, it's just everything breaks down. 0.91
00:18:26.000 Nothing works. 0.90
00:18:28.000 There's 20 million people in the city that's built for 2 million people.
00:18:31.000 It's just crazy.
00:18:33.000 And you're like, when you see it, you go, oh... 0.99
00:18:36.000 Rich people or whatever will be able to move up the hill or Colorado or whatever the fuck it is. 0.99
00:18:42.000 And everyone else is just like, well, you guys have to stay in the garbage heaps and see how you can do it. 0.98
00:18:47.000 And when you see it going forward, like I'm a positive guy. 0.98
00:18:52.000 I believe things genuinely have gotten better throughout history and quality of life has gotten better and health has gotten better and all this shit.
00:18:59.000 But you're basically saying, well, if there's going to be hundreds of millions of people forced to move because of this, then that's going to cause chaos. 0.79
00:19:11.000 Chaos generally isn't good for anyone who isn't a young 20-year-old dude with a club in his hand.
00:19:19.000 Yeah, and even him.
00:19:21.000 It's really not good for him.
00:19:22.000 It's good for him for a bit.
00:19:24.000 Tell somebody with a bigger club.
00:19:26.000 A bigger person who's better at hitting people with clubs.
00:19:29.000 What is the longest pipeline we have as far as oil?
00:19:32.000 I know one of the issues is that Keystone pipeline and they're trying to get oil all the way from Alaska, right?
00:19:41.000 Yeah, I mean...
00:19:42.000 My question being, why can't we do that with ice?
00:19:45.000 With all the water that's draining, just pump it into California needs water. 0.98
00:19:49.000 Just bring a pipeline of water down here and just spray that stupid Death Valley area. 1.00
00:19:53.000 That area is stupid. 1.00
00:19:55.000 Let's turn Death Valley into a forest. 1.00
00:19:57.000 You know?
00:19:57.000 Wow.
00:19:58.000 You can, yes, you can do that. 1.00
00:20:00.000 That would be the shit. 0.99
00:20:01.000 But then it's the ice, it still gets in the sea tables too. 1.00
00:20:08.000 Just buy fucking real estate in Greenland because it's going to be like a lush tropical community. 0.97
00:20:14.000 People are actually, well, mining companies because you couldn't get to the land before. 0.99
00:20:14.000 That's what they're doing. 0.99
00:20:18.000 Now that mining companies are buying it all up because the ice is melting.
00:20:21.000 When was it named?
00:20:22.000 Was it named Greenland ironically?
00:20:24.000 Yeah, that's a good point.
00:20:26.000 It was named that because it was Iceland and Greenland and they switched the names because I believe it was Leif Erikson or Eric the Red.
00:20:35.000 Leif Erikson.
00:20:36.000 One of the Reds.
00:20:38.000 One of the Eriksons. 0.99
00:20:38.000 Anyway, he went there and he didn't want people because he wanted it to be his own. 0.99
00:20:43.000 So he named Iceland, Iceland and Greenland, Greenland to freak them out.
00:20:47.000 Okay, so they went to Greenland looking for... 0.99
00:20:49.000 What the fuck? 0.99
00:20:50.000 Everything's ice. 1.00
00:20:51.000 Yeah.
00:20:52.000 Then Iceland's the sweet spot.
00:20:53.000 Yeah, Iceland's the sweet spot.
00:20:54.000 That is a good spot, too. 0.99
00:20:55.000 It is a fucking good spot. 0.98
00:20:57.000 I love the documentaries on Iceland. 0.98
00:20:58.000 You guys did one on the Iceland strongmen?
00:21:00.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:21:01.000 Those fucking dudes that just carry rocks around up there? 1.00
00:21:04.000 They're ridiculous people. 1.00
00:21:05.000 There's some crazy genetics going on out there. 1.00
00:21:07.000 I gotta move there.
00:21:07.000 What is that?
00:21:08.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99
00:21:09.000 I'm just gonna move there. 1.00
00:21:10.000 Those guys are freaks.
00:21:12.000 They're big. 0.56
00:21:12.000 They're big. 0.56
00:21:12.000 They're so big they're like freakish, like cartoon freakish. 0.56
00:21:16.000 But what's weird about it is that there's a ton of them. 0.99
00:21:18.000 It's not like one dude, one genetic anomaly could lift a fucking car above his head. 0.99
00:21:23.000 It's like there's 17 of them. 0.99
00:21:25.000 All the strongest dudes in the world are all from one fucking tiny little place. 1.00
00:21:29.000 They all have those crazy fucking names too that are really difficult to pronounce. 0.99
00:21:33.000 There's always a Magnus in there. 1.00
00:21:35.000 Like they're a groom from the labor.
00:21:38.000 Yeah, they're so mad.
00:21:40.000 But I guess they are.
00:21:41.000 I mean, it makes sense.
00:21:41.000 They're like the descendants of Vikings.
00:21:44.000 They just lift shit all day. 1.00
00:21:44.000 Oh, certainly. 1.00
00:21:46.000 Well, they're just manly as fuck. 1.00
00:21:48.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:21:48.000 I mean, if you're the descendants of... 1.00
00:21:51.000 Some of the greatest conquerors and the most barbaric conquerors ever.
00:21:55.000 That genetics doesn't just stop. 1.00
00:21:57.000 Those people keep fucking, even if they're not in jail. 0.99
00:22:00.000 Whoever lived or whoever was the product of sex with one of those men, if those women lived and their children lived, even if the Viking didn't live, you're talking about some insane genetics problem. 0.99
00:22:11.000 It's also not like L.A. or, you know, let's say Panama where you can pick the bananas off the trees. 0.99
00:22:16.000 Like, to live in Iceland, you've got to be tough as fuck. 0.99
00:22:18.000 You've got to go out on freezing cold water and, like, stab a cod with a spear. 0.99
00:22:23.000 Yeah.
00:22:23.000 Like, it's hard.
00:22:25.000 It's cold.
00:22:25.000 It's cold and forbidding.
00:22:27.000 You've got to learn how to drive on the ice.
00:22:29.000 Yeah.
00:22:29.000 It's fun as hell, though.
00:22:30.000 I love Iceland.
00:22:31.000 It's a great place.
00:22:32.000 I love Greenland, actually.
00:22:33.000 I went there and was blown away by how beautiful it was.
00:22:37.000 Did you eat that shark dish that they have that's supposed to be disgusting?
00:22:40.000 That fermented shark?
00:22:41.000 No, it's fermented puffin, I believe.
00:22:43.000 Is that what it is?
00:22:44.000 Yeah.
00:22:44.000 No, I'm not into...
00:22:46.000 I'm not like... 1.00
00:22:48.000 My thing is to go to weird countries and shoot the newsy bits, not eat the shit, because I get the shits anyway, so if I'm eating fermented puffin, I'm not getting on that plane. 1.00
00:22:57.000 I feel like it's a shark dish. 1.00
00:22:59.000 Maybe it's pickled sharks. 0.99
00:23:01.000 I know they have fermented puffin, and it's the most disgusting fucking thing in the world. 0.99
00:23:05.000 But they eat it like crazy. 0.99
00:23:06.000 Because it comes from matjess, or whatever it's called, which is the fermented herring, which they had to make illegal in Sweden because it stank so bad.
00:23:17.000 Oh! 0.99
00:23:17.000 So they made it, like you can't make it in your house or shit anymore. 0.99
00:23:21.000 You can't make it. 0.99
00:23:22.000 No.
00:23:23.000 It's illegal. 0.95
00:23:23.000 But it's a Swedish national, because it stinks so bad. 0.95
00:23:27.000 And then instead of the fermented herring, they did the fermented puffin, which, I don't know.
00:23:33.000 Well, they might do that as well, but they do do a shark thing.
00:23:36.000 It's called...
00:23:40.000 Hakari?
00:23:41.000 Okay.
00:23:42.000 Hakarl?
00:23:43.000 I guess it's Hakarl?
00:23:44.000 Alright, whatever.
00:23:45.000 I don't know how they talk.
00:23:46.000 It's a very interesting pronunciation.
00:23:49.000 But it's a Greenland shark or other sleeper shark that's been cured with a particular fermentation process and hung to dry for four to five months.
00:23:58.000 Yeah, it turns black.
00:23:59.000 It turns black.
00:24:00.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:24:01.000 Oh my gosh!
00:24:01.000 I've seen it hanging.
00:24:02.000 Look up fermented puffin now.
00:24:05.000 Give me my five minutes.
00:24:07.000 Fermented puffin?
00:24:08.000 Fermented puffin.
00:24:10.000 And is a puffin the deadly one? 1.00
00:24:12.000 No, puffin is like a cute-looking bird, I think.
00:24:16.000 Oh, Icelandic dalg. 1.00
00:24:18.000 Yeah, apparently they ferment a lot of shit. 1.00
00:24:20.000 Yeah, they ferment a puffin. 1.00
00:24:22.000 They ferment a puffin.
00:24:23.000 Which is a bird. 1.00
00:24:24.000 Yeah, a cute little bird, and they ferment the fucker. 1.00
00:24:27.000 And it reeks so bad. 0.99
00:24:29.000 And then, you know, it's one of these things where you have to eat it or whatever.
00:24:33.000 And I used to go, I'll eat it, I don't care.
00:24:36.000 And then you're just like, yeah, I'm not going to eat the fermented puffin. 0.99
00:24:39.000 I think if you live in a place as scary as far as climate and as harsh as Iceland, you learn how to eat fucking everything. 0.99
00:24:48.000 Puffins, they just... 0.99
00:24:49.000 You know how they do it?
00:24:50.000 They call it skyfishing, apparently.
00:24:52.000 It says they're hunted by skyfishing, which involves catching low-flying birds with a big net.
00:24:57.000 So they're just like...
00:24:58.000 They have nets in the sky.
00:25:00.000 They scoop up all these birds.
00:25:01.000 How about that?
00:25:02.000 They scoop up birds from the sky as they're flying, ferment them until they're rotten, and then eat them. 0.96
00:25:10.000 This is so disgusting.
00:25:12.000 They bottle it and there's all sorts of different ways they cook it.
00:25:15.000 But it's smoked and cured sometimes.
00:25:19.000 But the fermented one is disgusting.
00:25:22.000 I'm not doing the fermented puffin.
00:25:24.000 The Greenland, the one, the basking shark is what I saw Bourdain eat.
00:25:28.000 Right.
00:25:29.000 And it looked pretty foul.
00:25:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:25:33.000 We don't want to do that.
00:25:34.000 But that must be they develop a taste for it because you need that protein.
00:25:38.000 There's not a lot of options.
00:25:39.000 I guess so.
00:25:40.000 I mean, I smell the fermented herring that the Swedes do and you're like... 1.00
00:25:45.000 It's like hardcore, hardcore ammonia.
00:25:45.000 Why?
00:25:48.000 And you're like, how...
00:25:51.000 Like, it's telling you not to eat it. 0.99
00:25:53.000 Like, why the fuck would you eat it? 0.99
00:25:56.000 I don't know why. 0.99
00:25:57.000 Yeah, I mean, what happens to a person's body?
00:26:00.000 Does that, like, do they get accustomed to it?
00:26:03.000 Is it like a...
00:26:05.000 I have no idea.
00:26:07.000 I mean, that doesn't make any sense.
00:26:08.000 I have no idea.
00:26:09.000 I mean, unless you're starving.
00:26:11.000 And Iceland gets supplies now.
00:26:12.000 Well, you know, you have a weird thing.
00:26:13.000 Like, kids, you know, you develop your taste when you're a kid.
00:26:16.000 Do you know what natto is?
00:26:18.000 No.
00:26:18.000 It's like fermented beans.
00:26:20.000 Very strong taste.
00:26:22.000 Everyone in Japan eats it for breakfast.
00:26:23.000 Natto.
00:26:24.000 Oh, delicious natto.
00:26:25.000 And it's like rotten, sticky beans.
00:26:30.000 But, you know, again, you go there and they love it.
00:26:33.000 And they eat it with a sort of strong mustard.
00:26:36.000 But you go to a lot of places.
00:26:38.000 I remember, you know, I was sick somewhere.
00:26:43.000 Anyway, it was somewhere.
00:26:45.000 Maybe it was Kathmandu. 0.99
00:26:46.000 Anyways, I was sick and they brought me the spiciest, like, craziest fucking chili, like, you know, vindaloo. 0.99
00:26:53.000 And I was like, I'm sick. 0.98
00:26:55.000 I want, like, a grilled cheese sandwich and ginger ale.
00:26:58.000 Like, you know, I want to... 0.99
00:26:59.000 And they brought me the spiciest, crazy chili shit. 0.99
00:27:02.000 And it's just, like, everybody has a different... 0.99
00:27:05.000 I don't know, a different comfort food or whatever when they're sick or whatever they believe they're going to eat or something.
00:27:13.000 Well, they say that fermentation is how people figured out how to make alcohol.
00:27:16.000 They figured out they got drunk from fermented things.
00:27:19.000 Is there a certain amount of intoxication you get from those fermented things?
00:27:23.000 I don't know.
00:27:23.000 Maybe.
00:27:24.000 That's a good question.
00:27:25.000 I know alcohol, it was a way to transport water. 0.92
00:27:27.000 Wine was a way to transport water.
00:27:29.000 They're like, oh, because...
00:27:31.000 A lot of places they would go to, it was a big thing.
00:27:34.000 Anthrax was huge because the animals would go to, you know, and they fall in the water.
00:27:38.000 And then the whole pond or the whole water source becomes anthraxy.
00:27:43.000 That's where anthrax comes from.
00:27:44.000 Really?
00:27:45.000 So it just comes from like a decaying animal?
00:27:45.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:27:47.000 Yeah.
00:27:48.000 And so a lot of water was unsafe.
00:27:51.000 So like, oh, we need to figure out a way to carry water with us.
00:27:54.000 And they figured out a lot of ways, but wine was one of them.
00:27:58.000 Oh, we can carry this.
00:28:00.000 For, you know, years we can carry this.
00:28:02.000 And they didn't have corks.
00:28:03.000 They just put a bit of olive oil on top of it, which would seal it. 0.83
00:28:06.000 And I was like, that means that if you go logically, they were drinking a shit pile of wine because they were like, well, I'm not going to trust the water because I don't know that the animals haven't died in it. 0.66
00:28:16.000 So I'll just drink wine all day, every day. 0.97
00:28:18.000 So they lived off wine.
00:28:20.000 That is hilarious. 0.98
00:28:21.000 Well, that explains like a lot of the crazy shit that people did back then. 0.99
00:28:24.000 Just drunken bands of marauders going from hillside to hillside. 0.99
00:28:29.000 Yeah.
00:28:30.000 That's really crazy if you stop and think about it.
00:28:32.000 Like the people that were traveling and drinking wine exclusively for hydration and what the difference it must have been on the way they thought and behaved.
00:28:40.000 That explains a lot of history.
00:28:40.000 Sure.
00:28:42.000 It does.
00:28:44.000 It really does, right?
00:28:45.000 We're figuring it all out here.
00:28:47.000 Yeah, if we figured out two things.
00:28:49.000 We figured out we just got to get a pipeline from Greenland.
00:28:51.000 A pipeline from Antarctica or Greenland.
00:28:54.000 Pour that water into Palm Springs, the Palm Desert, all that area. 0.98
00:28:57.000 Just fucking make it a lush tropical forest. 0.98
00:29:01.000 We could do that. 0.99
00:29:02.000 All right.
00:29:03.000 How about a big pipe and like a sprinkler system over L.A.? It just rains once more.
00:29:07.000 L.A. needs water.
00:29:09.000 Imagine if that's what it came down to.
00:29:10.000 We have artificial high rail shower systems over cities. 0.71
00:29:16.000 It doesn't rain anymore in LA, so LA decided it needed a shower system.
00:29:20.000 It would cause a lot of news saying we're going to reuse the Keystone Pipeline not for oil but for glaciers so that we can actually have water.
00:29:28.000 That would be badass.
00:29:29.000 Nobody would oppose that.
00:29:31.000 Who would oppose moving water?
00:29:32.000 Well, if oil keeps going down and water keeps going up, it'll be economically feasible.
00:29:37.000 You'll make more money selling water than you owe.
00:29:39.000 It'll be a commodity.
00:29:41.000 Yeah, that's the projection, right?
00:29:43.000 Yeah.
00:29:44.000 We're going to actually have an issue with fresh water within the next 50 to 60 years.
00:29:48.000 Oh, so we have an issue with it now.
00:29:50.000 Well, when you see those lakes in Texas, if you've been to Austin, they have Lake Travis and Lake Austin, and Lake Travis, they don't artificially feed.
00:29:59.000 Lake Austin looks badass, but Lake Travis is vanishing.
00:30:02.000 Yeah, all the, yeah, we did a piece on it.
00:30:04.000 All the houseboats and everything are sitting just on, like, not even dry land, like caked, like scorched land.
00:30:12.000 Yeah, and the docks are nowhere near the water anymore.
00:30:15.000 Yeah, no, no, yeah.
00:30:16.000 Like hundreds of yards.
00:30:17.000 It's weird.
00:30:18.000 It's like...
00:30:19.000 Well, Texas has been in drought now for three years.
00:30:22.000 As has California.
00:30:22.000 Three years.
00:30:23.000 Yeah.
00:30:24.000 I think theirs is worse.
00:30:26.000 Theirs is worse also.
00:30:27.000 They have a lot of agriculture there too, right?
00:30:29.000 They have a lot of farms.
00:30:30.000 The big thing is now the...
00:30:33.000 I believe the numbers are like staggering.
00:30:36.000 Like one-third of beef cattle are gone.
00:30:39.000 You know, like just...
00:30:39.000 Wow.
00:30:40.000 Which...
00:30:42.000 In Texas is a huge number.
00:30:44.000 It's millions and millions.
00:30:44.000 We have a lot of agriculture in California, but do we have nearly as much as Texas has?
00:30:49.000 I think...
00:30:50.000 Who needs more water? 1.00
00:30:52.000 Well, I think there's more straight-up agriculture in California, but there's more livestock and shit in Texas. 0.99
00:30:59.000 You know there's as many tigers in Texas as there are in the wild? 0.99
00:31:02.000 That's tragic and weird.
00:31:05.000 That's amazing.
00:31:06.000 Yeah, I mean, there's not that many left in the wild, and there's a lot of crazy people in Texas who want to buy one, so it doesn't surprise me.
00:31:12.000 Texas has a huge population of these wildlife parks.
00:31:17.000 They have wild game parks where you could go shoot a zebra.
00:31:20.000 Yeah.
00:31:21.000 With a compound bow, you can go hunt a zebra. 1.00
00:31:23.000 They have these crazy fucking parks where they have wild animals. 0.99
00:31:27.000 It's not just a few. 1.00
00:31:28.000 There's a lot of people who have private collections.
00:31:31.000 I've heard of that.
00:31:32.000 My favorite story is not actually in Texas, but in Colombia, where Escobar loved wild animals, so he bought hippos and elephants and tigers. 0.97
00:31:43.000 And then when it all went to shit, they just went into the jungle. 0.87
00:31:47.000 And they're just procreating and living there now. 0.99
00:31:51.000 And you're like, that's kind of cool, actually.
00:31:55.000 It's probably environmentally...
00:31:57.000 They're not supposed to have elephants in Colombia.
00:32:01.000 But having the animals sort of set free into the wild, I think, is good.
00:32:07.000 Yeah, well, there's a lot of people in this country...
00:32:12.000 That have private collections, where they have wild animals.
00:32:16.000 There was the guy that lived in Ohio.
00:32:18.000 He opened his gates, let all of his animals out, and then blew his brains out. 1.00
00:32:21.000 Yeah, and the cops showed up, and there's all these wild animals, including these dangerous ones, like lions and shit. 1.00
00:32:29.000 So these cops have to shoot these animals. 0.99
00:32:31.000 Like, they can't even save them because you can't let them go out into the wild.
00:32:34.000 I mean, it's not the wild. 0.99
00:32:35.000 It's goddamn cities, you know, suburban neighborhoods close by. 0.99
00:32:39.000 So they kind of just wind up shooting all of them. 1.00
00:32:41.000 This guy was fucking crazy. 1.00
00:32:43.000 But you can just do that. 1.00
00:32:44.000 You can have tigers in your yard.
00:32:46.000 Like, Mike Tyson had a tiger.
00:32:48.000 You can have a tiger.
00:32:50.000 That is insane.
00:32:51.000 There needs to be a law on that. 0.99
00:32:54.000 That seems even more ridiculous than guns. 0.71
00:32:56.000 There's no more tigers left in the world, but Joe Blow down in Dallas can say, I'd like a tiger. 0.96
00:33:02.000 Send me one.
00:33:03.000 Listen, son, I got the healthiest tiger community in all of North America.
00:33:07.000 These here tigers?
00:33:08.000 These are direct from India. 1.00
00:33:10.000 I don't fuck with them Siberian tigers. 1.00
00:33:13.000 They're slower. 1.00
00:33:14.000 They're lazy. 0.88
00:33:16.000 They don't kill...
00:33:17.000 There's a ton of wild game parks in Texas.
00:33:23.000 I did not know that.
00:33:24.000 They took a lot of animals that were almost extinct in Asia, and now they're thriving in Texas.
00:33:30.000 Yeah, species of deer.
00:33:33.000 There's many species of deer that they have that they take from other countries and they bring to America and they put them in these game parks, especially in Texas, and then they can hunt them anytime they want because they become like a commodity instead of it being like there's seasons for deer and there's seasons for elk and there's seasons for everything else,
00:33:51.000 but these animals that are non-native, you can hunt them anytime you want.
00:33:55.000 So they bring them over there just specifically for that purpose, so they're thriving.
00:34:00.000 Because they're worth something.
00:34:01.000 Right, right, right.
00:34:02.000 Which is really kind of trippy. 0.90
00:34:03.000 You know, it's like, yeah, you want the animals to be thriving, but it's kind of weird that the only way they're thriving is if dudes can get out there and shoot them.
00:34:10.000 But, and this is, you know, not a tremendously popular sort of argument, but it actually makes a lot of sense.
00:34:20.000 Like, when we did this piece on rhino poaching, you know, they kill the rhino just for the horn because they sell it in Vietnam as an aphrodisiac. 0.83
00:34:39.000 It's hair.
00:34:46.000 Therefore, they don't have to kill the rhinos for the horn.
00:34:49.000 It'll just be a market.
00:34:50.000 And everyone's, you know, freaking out saying, no, no, no.
00:34:52.000 But as long as dudes who are poor can make a ton of money for killing a thing to take the horn, they will. 0.98
00:35:01.000 Whereas if you just say, okay, well, you know, we'll give you the fucking horn and you can do whatever you want. 1.00
00:35:07.000 You have as many boners as you want, go nuts. 1.00
00:35:10.000 That's the only way to save them, is capitalism is killing them, so capitalism has to save them. 0.99
00:35:15.000 Initially, you go, well, that doesn't sound right.
00:35:17.000 But when you think about it, you're like, well, okay, yeah.
00:35:21.000 Then the problem is, well, somebody will be, like, someone will regulate it.
00:35:25.000 And, like, a company, you know, GM will make the money out of the illegal rhino horns, but they'll still be illegal rhino horns because the guys will get disenfranchised and they'll get screwed out of it somehow.
00:35:38.000 But in any way, the argument that you have to make it as economically viable to do the thing, because otherwise they'll just get killed out.
00:35:46.000 Imagine if rhino horns really did give you a hard-on. 0.94
00:35:49.000 Rhinos would have been extinct a long fucking time ago if it really worked. 0.96
00:35:52.000 But the other thing is, is like, you're like, rhino horns give you a hard-on and whatever. 0.99
00:35:56.000 You're like, just fucking buy the Angra and Cialis. 0.99
00:35:59.000 They don't have that education. 1.00
00:36:00.000 It's 99 cents.
00:36:01.000 It's a lot cheaper than rhino.
00:36:03.000 Because it's expensive.
00:36:04.000 It's like, you know... 0.99
00:36:05.000 20 grand for a piece of Rhino and you're like, you get fucking a vat of Viagra for that. 1.00
00:36:10.000 You could bathe in Viagra. 1.00
00:36:11.000 That would be the rest of your life.
00:36:13.000 Supply, taking it all day, every day. 1.00
00:36:15.000 Like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:36:17.000 20 grand? 1.00
00:36:18.000 It's so hilarious.
00:36:19.000 It's so expensive.
00:36:20.000 It's crazy expensive.
00:36:21.000 But it doesn't do anything.
00:36:22.000 It's just like eating someone's hair.
00:36:24.000 Yeah.
00:36:24.000 I mean, it's similar.
00:36:26.000 I'm going to grind up fingernails.
00:36:27.000 Yeah, I'm going to grind up hair and fingernails. 0.99
00:36:29.000 And that's going to get me hard...
00:36:29.000 Yeah.
00:36:33.000 But seriously, like, just take fucking, you know, they bootleg Viagra for like a penny. 1.00
00:36:40.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:36:41.000 Anyway.
00:36:42.000 Well, they also put it in those boner pills that you buy at gas stations.
00:36:47.000 Like, those boner pills...
00:36:49.000 They put Viagra or they put Rhino Horn?
00:36:52.000 No, they put Viagra. 0.71
00:36:53.000 Those boner pills that sell for like $3.95 for like a little packet, you know?
00:36:57.000 I gotta go try them.
00:36:58.000 I don't know those ones. 1.00
00:36:59.000 Red Band takes them all the time, that fucking freak. 1.00
00:37:02.000 He's always buying them. 1.00
00:37:03.000 And I'm like, why won't you just buy real Viagra so you know what the fuck you're taking? 1.00
00:37:06.000 You're taking this crazy shit from this gas station. 1.00
00:37:09.000 You know, it's called Red Hot Super Dick. 1.00
00:37:12.000 You know?
00:37:13.000 Yo, I got two packages of Red Hot Superdick.
00:37:15.000 What's in them? 1.00
00:37:15.000 I don't know, but this shit works. 1.00
00:37:17.000 Like, that's no better than eating rhino horn. 1.00
00:37:20.000 That's just stupid. 1.00
00:37:21.000 Well, it's no better than eating garbage you find on the street. 1.00
00:37:24.000 But we did another piece on that that I found fascinating because I didn't know anything about it.
00:37:29.000 Was that, you know, you have, like, first of all, bath salts. 0.99
00:37:33.000 You know, people were, like, fucking and then eating each other. 1.00
00:37:35.000 And, like, fucking while they eat them. 1.00
00:37:37.000 And I'm like, what? 1.00
00:37:38.000 What are they doing?
00:37:40.000 How do they have bath salts? 0.98
00:37:43.000 And they're like, well, they're not fucking bath salts. 0.95
00:37:45.000 They call them bath salts, but you can buy them in the corner store. 0.98
00:37:49.000 And now they have, like, they're legal.
00:37:51.000 They have fake cannabinoids or they have fake whatever, other kinds of chemicals that get you high or whatever.
00:37:59.000 And what happened was in New Zealand, meth was such a huge problem.
00:38:05.000 That they went to the government and said, let's make a healthier version of math or speed.
00:38:11.000 But just with real chemicals and stuff.
00:38:16.000 And so they did.
00:38:17.000 They legally made, you know, drugs, pills, and the meth problem went down and, you know, they were a healthier version of drugs or whatever. 0.96
00:38:27.000 But they were, like, selling them next to, like, chocolate bars and shit. 0.63
00:38:31.000 So, you know, the moms and everybody went, well, this is not cool that you can buy meth next to the chocolate bars, quite rightly. 0.60
00:38:40.000 And so they banned them again.
00:38:42.000 But what happened was, online you can go and just change the molecule.
00:38:47.000 And before the DEA, you know, catch up, you just change it again.
00:38:53.000 And in China, they have these companies where you can just email them saying...
00:38:57.000 DE to the power of 7. They're like, right, I'll send you 10 kilos tomorrow.
00:39:02.000 So it comes in, they just mix it up, put it in a package with Scooby-Doo on the cover and say, there you go.
00:39:08.000 And you can sell them legally until you have to change the molecule again.
00:39:12.000 And there's like, you know, you smoke these things, you snort them, you do whatever. 0.98
00:39:17.000 And they're fucking so strong, like crazy strong. 0.98
00:39:21.000 And here's me, Mr. Hipster, going, I didn't even know that fucking existed. 0.99
00:39:25.000 You can walk into any corner store and buy these off the rack. 0.97
00:39:30.000 And just go outside into the back and go to Neptune.
00:39:37.000 They've made it illegal in a few different states, but the problem is they have to specify what exact chemical it is.
00:39:43.000 And they just alter a thing, and then there's a new wave.
00:39:46.000 And then they alter a thing, and then there's a...
00:39:47.000 And bath salts was a... 0.84
00:39:49.000 Somebody put the wrong molecule in there, and we decided that we were going to eat somebody's nose off as we were having sex. 0.70
00:39:56.000 And that was one of the side effects.
00:39:58.000 Might experience sexual addiction and cannibalism simultaneously.
00:40:04.000 My favorite drug reaction ever was there was a drug called Re-Equip.
00:40:08.000 And Re-Equip, they were given to people that suffer from Parkinson's syndrome.
00:40:14.000 And they gave it to this guy, I think it was in Dublin. 0.99
00:40:17.000 And it turned him into a gay sex and junkie, a gambling junkie. 1.00
00:40:24.000 Wow. 1.00
00:40:25.000 The guy, all of a sudden, became gay, from this Parkinson's disease, started having risky gay sex with men, leaving ads to meet up places, meeting guys and having sex with them, had no idea who they were, and gambling. 1.00
00:40:37.000 Couldn't stop gambling. 0.99
00:40:39.000 He was just completely addicted to gambling all day long.
00:40:42.000 And one in court, the American equivalent of somewhere around $600,000.
00:40:42.000 He just wanted to gamble.
00:40:48.000 Really? 0.99
00:40:49.000 So this guy actually proved that it wasn't just him going, fuck it, I gotta get out of jail free card. 0.99
00:40:55.000 I'm going for the full bull goose loonie. 0.99
00:40:58.000 That's what it seems like, right? 1.00
00:40:59.000 I've always wanted just fucking random gay sex. 1.00
00:41:02.000 Oh, I'm taking a weird pill. 1.00
00:41:03.000 Get out of jail free.
00:41:05.000 Here we go.
00:41:05.000 I'm gonna let my freak flag fly.
00:41:07.000 Yeah, I wonder, like, how much you have to prove in order to win a case like that.
00:41:11.000 Because it was against GlaxoSmithKline.
00:41:14.000 Yeah, you've got to think he had a pretty good case because they would shut him down.
00:41:19.000 Yeah, it has to be locked down tight.
00:41:21.000 He won 600 grams. 0.99
00:41:22.000 You could never have, like, ever played cards or looked at a dick before. 0.98
00:41:26.000 And then all of a sudden it was just like... 0.99
00:41:29.000 Boom.
00:41:30.000 He was living in a different country, though.
00:41:32.000 They might have different standards as far as, like, what they think, you know, pharmaceutical drug companies are responsible for.
00:41:38.000 Right.
00:41:38.000 Well, it's Ireland, so there's...
00:41:40.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Ireland.
00:41:41.000 Well, hit him for a few, Bob.
00:41:43.000 Yeah, what a crazy story, though. 1.00
00:41:45.000 You remember, imagine being a normal guy, and all of a sudden, you just can't stop fucking playing cards at gay orgies. 1.00
00:41:52.000 Just like it's just all day, your life is consumed with dick and dice and just... 1.00
00:41:57.000 Whoa! 1.00
00:41:58.000 Come on, seven! 1.00
00:42:00.000 Give me that dick! 1.00
00:42:01.000 Just a constant chaos of... 1.00
00:42:04.000 You should be in sales. 0.97
00:42:05.000 Dicks and cars.
00:42:06.000 I'm like, that just sounds like a good time. 1.00
00:42:11.000 Re-equipped gay sex trial. 1.00
00:42:13.000 We'll find out where the fuck this was. 1.00
00:42:15.000 Yeah, the guy was addicted. 0.99
00:42:17.000 It's on ABC News, man.
00:42:19.000 Wow. 1.00
00:42:20.000 Yeah, a Parkinson medication made him addicted to gambling and gay sex. 1.00
00:42:28.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
00:42:30.000 Oh my God, it's hilarious.
00:42:32.000 He was from France, so the whole story is now suspect.
00:42:35.000 I'm so sorry I brought this up to you folks.
00:42:37.000 For sure that guy was just making it up.
00:42:40.000 Yeah, it's fucked up what's happening in France right now. 0.81
00:42:43.000 Yeah, that's a segue and a half. 0.89
00:42:45.000 Well, we went from funny to not funny.
00:42:48.000 You know what's really not funny?
00:42:50.000 I've actually seen people that are taking this very interesting stance on this story.
00:42:56.000 The whole story, if you don't know what it is, how do you say the name of the paper?
00:43:00.000 Charlie Hebdo.
00:43:02.000 They made these satire cartoons about Muhammad and about Islam.
00:43:08.000 Yeah.
00:43:10.000 And they were murdered. 0.58
00:43:12.000 Ten people and two police officers, twelve people were murdered by these Islamic hit people. 1.00
00:43:18.000 And there's been all these protests in France and all these marches and everybody's freaking out worldwide.
00:43:23.000 But I've seen some people take the stance that those cartoons were offensive and they were punching down.
00:43:31.000 That was satire.
00:43:33.000 They were punching down and that those cartoons were racist and that, you know, don't they understand that it's offensive?
00:43:40.000 I read this, a tweet, actually.
00:43:42.000 Don't they understand that it's offensive not just to Muslims but to one quarter of the people on the planet?
00:43:48.000 That was what they wrote.
00:43:50.000 As if that, in any way, when do we put our foot down and say, I know you're a tolerant person, whoever's saying this, you're trying to preach tolerance.
00:44:00.000 You're talking about tolerance for something that kills people that draw cartoons. 0.99
00:44:06.000 Look, Charlie Hebdo and cartoons and humor in general is meant to be a mirror onto ourselves and we take ourselves so seriously and When you start, I believe if you start any type of censorship, you're fucked. 0.95
00:44:21.000 Because when, you know, somebody won't like something and then the other person won't like the thing that you like. 0.96
00:44:26.000 And once you start down that path, And you say, well, you know, Joe, I hate that you like Palestine. 1.00
00:44:34.000 Well, Shane, I hate that you like Israel. 1.00
00:44:36.000 Whatever it is, someone's always going to have.
00:44:38.000 And the minute someone gets that, then censorship starts.
00:44:41.000 And the minute censorship starts, it never stops, first of all.
00:44:45.000 Censorship by fear, and we were just, you know, we started the whole conversation about this.
00:44:50.000 Censorship by fear was Nazi Germany.
00:44:53.000 Censorship by fear was Stalinist Russia.
00:44:55.000 Censorship by fear was Maoist China.
00:44:57.000 And if you wrote or thought or said anything against the state, you got killed.
00:45:02.000 And now what we're saying is if you do or say or do anything against a perceived thing about a religion...
00:45:10.000 Then they're going to come get you, right?
00:45:12.000 And people are like terrified, oh my god, we're not going to show the cartoons, we're not going to show, we're not going to...
00:45:16.000 What do you think? 0.99
00:45:19.000 There's that many terrorists out there, they're going to kill everybody who retweets a fucking cartoon. 1.00
00:45:24.000 And that's the insidiousness of terrorism. 1.00
00:45:29.000 Because then you're like, if you make fun of anything...
00:45:33.000 We're good to go. 1.00
00:45:50.000 But the minute you say you're not allowed to say what you want, and if you do, I'll shoot you, then you can fuck off. 1.00
00:45:54.000 And that's what World War II was fought over. 1.00
00:45:57.000 That's what World War I was fought over. 0.98
00:45:59.000 And if we don't say there can be no censorship, then we should have just given up and said, yeah, fuck, we'll just write whatever Hitler wants us to write, because that's what censorship is. 0.96
00:46:08.000 I was just shocked at how many people who call themselves progressives were taking the stance that the jokes actually were inflammatory. 0.99
00:46:16.000 But they had the same fucking jokes about everybody. 1.00
00:46:19.000 They were an equal opportunity asshole. 1.00
00:46:22.000 They fucking went after everybody. 1.00
00:46:24.000 And that was their job. 1.00
00:46:26.000 That's their thing.
00:46:28.000 It's satire. 1.00
00:46:29.000 It's making fun of shit. 1.00
00:46:31.000 A roast for the world. 1.00
00:46:33.000 A roast for the world.
00:46:34.000 But they roasted everybody.
00:46:35.000 Right. 0.98
00:46:36.000 And so the fact is now you're allowed to roast everyone except for these guys because these guys will shoot you. 0.83
00:46:42.000 Well, it's not just that.
00:46:44.000 What's freaking me out is not just that people are willing to shoot you over a cartoon.
00:46:48.000 That's been freaking me out for a long time.
00:46:50.000 But that somehow or another people that call themselves progressive will stand up and say, well, you know, I looked at what these people were doing.
00:46:58.000 What they were doing was really offensive. 0.99
00:46:59.000 Like, that's fucking crazy talk. 0.98
00:47:01.000 But you know the reason why that's happening. 0.99
00:47:03.000 Because...
00:47:03.000 Why is it?
00:47:06.000 What's happening now is we're reaching a critical mass, right?
00:47:11.000 You're reaching a point where, which by the way, if you look at terrorism, it's been incredibly successful because you're reaching a critical mass where people are saying...
00:47:23.000 Now it will be like this, you know, for example, the fight, the reaction was always, well, Islam is a religion of peace. 0.99
00:47:31.000 Now that's become a joke because everyone's like, well, it's a fucking religion of peace. 0.99
00:47:34.000 Why does this continue happening, right? 0.98
00:47:36.000 And so progressives or whatever are trying to say, hey, well, maybe...
00:47:41.000 Because they realize that the logical conclusion of this...
00:47:45.000 Right?
00:47:46.000 It's going to be...
00:47:47.000 It's going to be bad.
00:47:50.000 There is going to be an effective...
00:47:50.000 It's going to be okay.
00:47:52.000 As this polarizes, Islamic fundamentalism gets bigger. 0.94
00:47:59.000 And then our reaction to that fundamentalism gets worse.
00:48:03.000 Because look, I believe I'm a progressive guy.
00:48:07.000 I don't know what that means, but I'm non-political on either side.
00:48:11.000 And I believe I look at things critically.
00:48:13.000 But at a certain point, you're like, well, this is getting bad now, and public opinion is getting heated.
00:48:22.000 And the end result of that is going to be you're going to have heated public opinion on one side, a bunch of guys with a bunch of guns on the other, and it's not going to end well.
00:48:31.000 So people, it's a type of appeasement, right?
00:48:34.000 It's a type of, well, I looked at it, it's not so bad.
00:48:37.000 Well, it is bad. 0.97
00:48:38.000 But that type of appeasement by progressives, by really liberal people, which the same type of people that will shit on Christians but use the term Islamophobic for any criticism of any jokes, in fact, any jokes, in fact, 0.99
00:48:53.000 about Islam or Muslims can be seen as Islamophobic by the same type of people that would have no problem shitting on Christians. 0.99
00:49:02.000 It's this weird thing. 0.99
00:49:03.000 It's because this is what becomes a target.
00:49:06.000 It's appeasement.
00:49:07.000 And quite frankly, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
00:49:10.000 Everybody should be game, and that's what freedom is all about.
00:49:13.000 But who's it at appeasement to?
00:49:15.000 It's this weird social brownie point thing that they're doing, where they're looking at it as an opportunity to criticize racism or criticize punching down with humor, you know?
00:49:27.000 Maybe.
00:49:28.000 I mean, I... Sorry.
00:49:29.000 I'm getting a drink.
00:49:30.000 Sorry.
00:49:30.000 No worries, man.
00:49:31.000 I think, you know, for me, I think it's we're afraid of the outcome because if we keep going on this trajectory, the outcome is going to be problematic.
00:49:43.000 I think you have a point there for sure.
00:49:46.000 But I also think one of the things that's going on is there's a bunch of people in this culture that have this bizarrely utopian version of what they would like us to be.
00:49:56.000 Like the way we should react to anything.
00:50:01.000 People that think that they're a fox.
00:50:03.000 Someone that decides to...
00:50:07.000 Have whatever, any strange idea they may have in their head.
00:50:10.000 We're supposed to be as even-keeled with them as possible.
00:50:14.000 Well, I don't want to get started on politics in this country.
00:50:16.000 It's not even politics. 0.99
00:50:17.000 I think politics in this country is fucked. 0.99
00:50:19.000 I think it's more a psychology issue. 1.00
00:50:20.000 I think it's fucked and it's getting worse. 0.99
00:50:22.000 And we could go on until the cows come home about politics in this country. 1.00
00:50:28.000 What...
00:50:29.000 One thing I would like, if you want, it would be long-winded and boring for most people, but I read a book, if anyone wants to read maybe the most fascinating book ever written about the situation that we're dealing with right now with the rest of the world and Islam, 1.00
00:50:47.000 is called The Siege of Mecca.
00:50:50.000 And it's a true story.
00:50:51.000 It's a journalist who wrote it about in 1979, which was the difference, I believe the year 1400 in the Islamic calendar.
00:51:00.000 There was a siege of Mecca and a bunch of dudes who were Wahhabists took over Mecca during Hajj and the royal government, the royal family couldn't go get them because it's illegal to fight in Mecca. 1.00
00:51:15.000 And so there was a standoff, and they were fighting, people shooting each other, and snipers.
00:51:19.000 It's like an action movie.
00:51:20.000 The French Secret Service gave them drugs to drug them.
00:51:24.000 And at the time, it was the same time that was happening the hostage crisis in Tehran. 0.97
00:51:30.000 So the Ayatollahs, the smart dude, goes, yeah, the Americans, the CIA, have taken over Mecca, which, of course, is, like, the worst thing you could possibly fucking do. 0.66
00:51:39.000 So there's this whole uproar. 0.94
00:51:41.000 They burnt the... 0.99
00:51:42.000 Embassy in Pakistan, they do all these things because everyone's like, fuck the CIA, they've taken over Mecca, you know? 0.92
00:51:48.000 And what ended up happening, it's a long story, but an incredible action movie is an incredible story. 0.90
00:51:54.000 But what happened was the royal family had to go to the clerics and say, you've got to give us a fatwa that we can go into Mecca and fight because you're literally not allowed to bring a gun and a sword and that thing.
00:52:07.000 And so you have to give us a special fatwa to go get these terrorists.
00:52:10.000 And they're like, well, we kind of believe in what they're saying because the terrorists were actually just Wahhabists saying we need to be more Wahhabists, which is fundamental Islam. 0.70
00:52:22.000 So they said, we'll give you the fatwa if you then basically give us money to do what they're asking for, to be Wahhabists. 0.99
00:52:31.000 So anyways, it happens. 0.89
00:52:32.000 They go and they kill the guys.
00:52:34.000 A guy named Juhayman.
00:52:36.000 But then what happens is, from then on, billions and billions of petrodollars, which we pay the Saudi government, then goes to the ulma, the clerics, who then send that money to every country, America, UK... You know,
00:52:52.000 France, you know, Pakistan, and they build the biggest mosques.
00:52:56.000 And because Mecca is like the Vatican would be, and the Uelma are like the Pope, they build the biggest mosques and they, you know, spend the most money, and then they say, okay, now you teach Wahhabism. 0.99
00:53:10.000 And, you know, when you look at what's happening with ISIS, you say, how the fuck? 0.99
00:53:14.000 Can these guys recruit 50,000 foreign fighters in four fucking months? 0.99
00:53:20.000 It doesn't make any sense. 0.99
00:53:21.000 They're coming from America, they're coming from France, they're coming from England, because these guys go to these mosques where they're Wahhabist teachings, right? 1.00
00:53:29.000 And then when you look at it, and when you look at what's happening with things happening in France, with things happening in the UK, with things happening in Pakistan, where we're saying we're not going to go with the Taliban even in Pakistan, now we're We're going with ISIS or the Taliban's aligning with ISIS. And you say,
00:53:46.000 how the fuck can that happen overnight? 1.00
00:53:49.000 How can it happen that all these people are saying, fuck, yeah, that's great, ISIS? It's because we have the Pope and the Vatican saying that that's good, that Wahhabism is good. 1.00
00:53:59.000 So as long as that continues, the problem on that side is going to get worse, right? 0.99
00:54:05.000 And then as long as that problem gets worse, we're going to fucking... 0.99
00:54:10.000 React stronger and stronger as is only human and that's the problem is is we're heading for Some sort of boiling over we're heading for some sort of you know thing and I think and this is me giving people the benefit of the doubt is that some people are saying well fuck if If if we just let into everything now and say those you know everyone's shooting us if we say the wrong thing fuck you let's go and Then it's going to happen sooner rather than later. 0.99
00:54:36.000 Which might be inevitable if Mecca keeps on funding Wahhabist Sunni doctrine. 0.99
00:54:44.000 Jesus fucking Christ, Shane. 1.00
00:54:48.000 Goddamn doom and gloom son of a bitch. 1.00
00:54:50.000 The world is melting. 1.00
00:54:52.000 War is coming from Russia. 1.00
00:54:54.000 It's coming from maybe North Korea is going to kidnap your wife and force her to do porn. 1.00
00:54:59.000 No. 1.00
00:55:00.000 Goddammit. 1.00
00:55:00.000 This is all this shit going on right now? 1.00
00:55:03.000 Let's start 15 with some positivity. 1.00
00:55:05.000 God damn, you're freaking me the fuck out. 0.99
00:55:08.000 Let's start with some positivity. 1.00
00:55:09.000 What about the...
00:55:10.000 Well, the thing is, we can change it all.
00:55:11.000 We're human beings.
00:55:12.000 We're smart.
00:55:13.000 And I believe there's enough of us now that are woken up and are smart and understand our political and economic power. 0.99
00:55:19.000 And we can stop all this shit from happening. 0.99
00:55:21.000 Because I'll tell you what, North Korea only exists because people let it exist. 1.00
00:55:25.000 Right?
00:55:26.000 Global warming only continues because we let it continue. 1.00
00:55:30.000 I mean, fucking, the problems that we have with terrorism only continue because we let it fucking continue. 0.99
00:55:35.000 If humanity as a whole says we ain't gonna fucking do that anymore, it would stop tomorrow. 0.99
00:55:39.000 We would need a lot of people to band together to go after North Korea though. 0.96
00:55:44.000 North Korea seems like a huge problem.
00:55:46.000 And on top of that, don't they have nuclear weapons?
00:55:48.000 I mean, how are you going to stop?
00:55:50.000 You have to stop it from inside.
00:55:51.000 You have to stop it from inside.
00:55:53.000 But I think that that's where everyone running around freaking out about the interview. 0.99
00:55:57.000 Oh my god, North Korea fucking told us we can't do something. 0.94
00:56:01.000 We should be figuring out ways of getting the interview into North Korea. 1.00
00:56:05.000 In fact, fuck the interview. 1.00
00:56:07.000 We should be figuring out how to get NFL football into North Korea or like fucking Lassie or Heidi or Dukes of Hazzard or any kind of shit. 1.00
00:56:15.000 Because I think one of the smartest things that America learned after World War I and World War II is... 0.99
00:56:22.000 If you expand your troops, it costs a lot of fucking money and it takes a lot of lives. 0.94
00:56:27.000 Where if you figure out that Marlboros, Cokes, McDonald's and Hollywood, everybody loves them. 0.99
00:56:34.000 Then guess what?
00:56:34.000 You don't have to fight the war.
00:56:35.000 You won. 1.00
00:56:36.000 Everybody's like, fuck, and I want to smoke a Marlboro while I'm drinking a Coke and watching Brad Pitt. 1.00
00:56:41.000 You know, Gramscian hegemony. 1.00
00:56:43.000 And I think that, you know, we should be exporting our culture a lot more aggressively to North Korea. 0.98
00:56:49.000 And I'll tell you what, Kim Jong-un grew up in Switzerland. 0.65
00:56:51.000 He loves basketball.
00:56:52.000 He was watching TV. He knows what fucking time. 1.00
00:56:54.000 And he's watched, you know, fucking Dukes of Hazzard. 1.00
00:56:58.000 Or I guess he'd be later. 0.99
00:56:59.000 He'd be, what's a big 90s show?
00:57:02.000 I mean, he's into the Detroit Pistons, right?
00:57:06.000 I mean, isn't he a big fan of, what's his face?
00:57:09.000 Rodman.
00:57:10.000 Rodman.
00:57:10.000 Well, he was...
00:57:10.000 Yeah, he was...
00:57:11.000 Bulls.
00:57:12.000 They liked the Bulls.
00:57:13.000 Oh, okay.
00:57:13.000 Because it was Jordan, right?
00:57:15.000 Was he on the...
00:57:15.000 What else did he play for?
00:57:17.000 Did he play for the Pistons?
00:57:17.000 He played Pistons.
00:57:18.000 And then he played for the Bulls?
00:57:19.000 Pistons and Bulls, yeah.
00:57:20.000 You're right.
00:57:20.000 He's got, like, metal all over his face now.
00:57:23.000 Yeah.
00:57:24.000 What's going on with that dude?
00:57:25.000 He's a weird dude.
00:57:26.000 He's always been a weird dude.
00:57:27.000 But it's just strange that that's the guy that Kim Jong-un is sort of connected to.
00:57:31.000 Well, we sent him there.
00:57:32.000 You know that. 0.98
00:57:33.000 Yeah, but how the fuck is that real? 1.00
00:57:35.000 Because they love fucking the bulls. 0.99
00:57:36.000 I mean, if Michael Jordan would have gone there, and I hope Michael Jordan, you listen to this, if Michael Jordan would have gone there, it would have been world peace. 1.00
00:57:44.000 They would kidnap him, force him to do ebony porn. 0.97
00:57:46.000 No, I think there would have been so much goodwill, he would have said, look, let's just fucking call it a Do you think so? 0.98
00:57:52.000 If Michael Jordan went to North Korea, I think he would have been a god-like ambassador and he would have been a little bit more sane. 0.70
00:57:59.000 Really?
00:57:59.000 So you think he could have actually gotten diplomacy accomplished?
00:58:03.000 Well, I think there was diplomacy accomplished.
00:58:05.000 I think if you look at it, you know, one of the things that, well, besides oil tanking, I think the number one sport in North Korea is basketball.
00:58:29.000 And so it's like if Jordan had gone there, or even if the Bulls would have gone there and there had been a real fucking thing and a cultural outreach and whatever, it would have at least sped it up, right? 0.91
00:58:29.000 Wow. 0.91
00:58:40.000 Because that was ping-pong diplomacy.
00:58:41.000 They were like, well, we don't actually eat each other's babies. 0.99
00:58:44.000 We play fucking ping-pong like Sting. 0.98
00:58:47.000 Like, you know, everybody's kind. 0.99
00:58:50.000 You know, when I went, I grew up at the end of the Cold War.
00:58:53.000 And I was fascinated by propaganda.
00:58:56.000 I was fascinated by Eastern Europe.
00:58:59.000 And as soon as it opened up, I went to Prague, and Prague was always inundated with Americans. 0.57
00:59:04.000 So then I went to Budapest, and then I went to Kiev.
00:59:07.000 But it was like... 0.85
00:59:08.000 Yeah, it's not that much fucking different. 0.93
00:59:10.000 They had a car, and they had an apartment, and they got two weeks, and they went to Lake Baltum. 1.00
00:59:14.000 It was a shitty car, and it was a shitty fucking guy from point A to point B. And they kind of were pissed off at their government, but they were kind of like, well, whatever, fuck, there's food in the fucking store, you know? 1.00
00:59:25.000 And it was kind of shittier. 1.00
00:59:26.000 It was a shittier, grayer, you know, scarier, I guess, because of the police version. 0.99
00:59:31.000 But in reality, it's like people are fucking people at the end of the day, except for North Korea. 1.00
00:59:37.000 I mean, North Korea, it's just fucking crazy. 0.99
00:59:40.000 But I think that the more—it's not actually us. 1.00
00:59:43.000 We're not doing shit over there. 0.99
00:59:44.000 They still think we're the devil. 0.99
00:59:45.000 But Chinese people who used to come look—you know, they were wearing the Maoist suit and with the stars everywhere, and they looked the same, and they talked the same, and they were still revolutionary— Are now coming in Hawaiian shirts and with a Canon fucking S5 and a fucking thing. 1.00
00:59:59.000 Because our culture got over there. 0.97
01:00:00.000 Yeah, I think global culture got there and consumerist culture.
01:00:03.000 I mean, China is the most capitalist country in the world now.
01:00:05.000 But the Chinese who are coming to North Korea don't look like them anymore. 0.95
01:00:09.000 They don't act like them anymore. 1.00
01:00:10.000 They have fucking laser beams in their hands like phones. 1.00
01:00:13.000 They don't have phones. 1.00
01:00:14.000 They don't have computers. 1.00
01:00:15.000 So they see all this shit from the Chinese and go, okay, something's going on. 1.00
01:00:19.000 And I think if we just exported our culture to the fact that, hey guys, you're actually living fucking 100 years ago. 0.99
01:00:26.000 You should come and get up to speed with us.
01:00:29.000 I mean, that's what happened in East Germany.
01:00:31.000 You know, East Germany, West Germany, they said this is never going to come together.
01:00:34.000 Boom. 1.00
01:00:35.000 They realized that these motherfuckers over there are driving 911s and I'm driving a fucking Lada. 1.00
01:00:40.000 So, you know, that's what won. 1.00
01:00:43.000 That's what won the war.
01:00:44.000 Is there a way, though, that anybody could ever...
01:00:46.000 I mean, you'd have to get rid of that whole family.
01:00:49.000 You'd have to get rid of that whole government that's running it.
01:00:52.000 I mean, they're not going to soften it.
01:00:53.000 The family doesn't... 0.99
01:00:54.000 I mean, now I... Well, who the fuck knows? 1.00
01:00:56.000 I don't know shit. 0.99
01:00:56.000 But, you know, from what I know about going there a lot, the military runs everything. 0.99
01:01:00.000 It's called Military First.
01:01:01.000 The Army runs everything.
01:01:03.000 Whenever the army runs everything anywhere, guess what?
01:01:06.000 It's not a ton of fun.
01:01:07.000 Kim Jong-un is...
01:01:09.000 He looks like his granddad.
01:01:12.000 You know, he's the dad.
01:01:14.000 They got him out of power.
01:01:15.000 They killed number two. 1.00
01:01:16.000 They fucked with his wife. 1.00
01:01:17.000 They did all this shit. 1.00
01:01:18.000 Oh, he's got gout. 1.00
01:01:19.000 Take him away. 1.00
01:01:20.000 They were just saying, hey, you know who's running shit? 1.00
01:01:23.000 The army's running shit. 1.00
01:01:24.000 Because if the army isn't running shit in North Korea, it's over. 1.00
01:01:27.000 Because the minute the army isn't running shit, they're going to all be in line saying, can I please work at Hyundai for some money because I'm fucking hungry. 1.00
01:01:34.000 Right. 1.00
01:01:35.000 Yeah.
01:01:36.000 That's so true.
01:01:37.000 It'll be exactly what happened in East Germany. 0.64
01:01:39.000 I got a great idea for a buddy comedy.
01:01:43.000 How about this?
01:01:44.000 How about Kim Jong-un captures a college basketball team from whatever the world championship college basketball is.
01:01:53.000 Kentucky.
01:01:54.000 Against Kentucky.
01:01:55.000 Yeah.
01:01:55.000 Whatever the big team is.
01:01:57.000 Captures them.
01:01:58.000 Reroutes their plane.
01:01:59.000 It lands in North Korea.
01:02:01.000 And kidnaps them and forces them to play basketball for him.
01:02:04.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:02:05.000 And they wind up taking on the North Korean army, kicking everybody's ass and taking over the country, and they become the president of North Korea. 0.93
01:02:13.000 I like it, except for... 0.96
01:02:15.000 I'd like to change it to the best college basketball team in America gets kidnapped by the North Korean despot, which makes them play the... 0.94
01:02:27.000 Worst pro team in America for a winner-take-all game?
01:02:32.000 Because it's always that question at the end of the year.
01:02:34.000 If the best college team plays the worst pro team, who would win?
01:02:39.000 And I love those arguments.
01:02:40.000 And everyone's always like, well, if Oakland played Bama, well, now it's Buckeyes.
01:02:47.000 But if, let's say Bama because I love Bama.
01:02:49.000 If Oakland played Bama, then they would throw so many schemes up against them and they couldn't end.
01:02:55.000 But you're like, Bama had the biggest offensive line in football. 0.99
01:02:58.000 Not just fucking college football, football. 0.99
01:03:03.000 And they played together as a team and they're fucking awesome. 1.00
01:03:06.000 Now they sucked against Ohio. 0.98
01:03:07.000 But in any case, the best college team, because then you could bet on it. 0.71
01:03:11.000 You could bet on it and whoever won between America and North Korea would run the world. 0.92
01:03:15.000 I think we should do that.
01:03:16.000 That's what we should set up.
01:03:17.000 What if they won?
01:03:18.000 North Korea runs the world. 1.00
01:03:19.000 Then we have to kick their ass again. 1.00
01:03:19.000 Then we're fucked. 1.00
01:03:21.000 Sorry, you only won the world for a second. 1.00
01:03:21.000 Then we're fucked. 1.00
01:03:23.000 We're not going to let you win the world forever for a basketball game. 1.00
01:03:23.000 We're fucked. 1.00
01:03:26.000 What are you, retarded? 1.00
01:03:27.000 Then we failed in our mission. 1.00
01:03:29.000 But the pros should win.
01:03:33.000 The dream team.
01:03:33.000 The dream team.
01:03:34.000 Weird shit happens in sports. 0.93
01:03:36.000 Remember the dream team? 0.99
01:03:37.000 People get tweaked ankles.
01:03:38.000 Spain.
01:03:38.000 Yes.
01:03:40.000 Mike Jordan.
01:03:41.000 Wasn't there like a hockey game too?
01:03:44.000 Well, that was the opposite.
01:03:46.000 That was the opposite.
01:03:46.000 Americans?
01:03:47.000 The Russians were effectively pros because they were the Russian army.
01:03:51.000 And then we were still putting up college players.
01:03:54.000 And even though the Russians were pros and were going to kill us, we won. 1.00
01:04:00.000 So we became the underdog.
01:04:01.000 We are the champions.
01:04:03.000 It's a big day for the hockey people.
01:04:05.000 It is.
01:04:05.000 It's a huge day to beat those Ruskies.
01:04:07.000 Have to beat the Ruskies.
01:04:08.000 The Cold War was played...
01:04:09.000 We need a kind of Cold War again just to have sports.
01:04:13.000 Well, you know what, man?
01:04:14.000 Fighting.
01:04:15.000 Sports fighting.
01:04:15.000 We've learned a lot from Russians, I'll tell you that.
01:04:18.000 We've learned a lot of how goddamn tough they are. 1.00
01:04:20.000 They're tough motherfuckers. 1.00
01:04:21.000 When we compare the softness of the average American male to the shit I see on TV that Russians do... 1.00
01:04:27.000 The military guys over in Russia are mean as fuck. 1.00
01:04:32.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:04:33.000 For sure.
01:04:34.000 Not just the military guys, but just the average humans in Russia.
01:04:37.000 But we'll just send drones.
01:04:40.000 We'll send laser computer people over there.
01:04:43.000 You think?
01:04:44.000 Well, we won't win if we fight the... 1.00
01:04:46.000 Well, you've seen the shit. 1.00
01:04:48.000 They fucking have to... 1.00
01:04:49.000 You know, squatting their haunches for three days while getting kicked in the face. 1.00
01:04:55.000 I mean, they're in a different level of shit. 1.00
01:04:56.000 Now, not to take anything away from the best military in the world, which is the American military, but the Russians are fucking tough motherfuckers. 1.00
01:05:04.000 You hit them in the face with a baseball bat and they smile. 1.00
01:05:06.000 It seems like... 0.96
01:05:08.000 Whenever you hear about a crazy concept, like an MMA concept, it comes out of Russia. 0.97
01:05:12.000 They had team fighting where they had five on five or six on six or some shit.
01:05:18.000 There was another one that I saw there that was two on two. 0.99
01:05:20.000 One I saw was these guys met in a park somewhere in these rival teams and they beat the shit out of each other in a park. 0.88
01:05:29.000 They just both met for a gang. 0.99
01:05:31.000 They just want to fight the fuck out of it all the time. 1.00
01:05:34.000 If you see the Russian, like the special service training shit that they have to go through, it's fucking ridiculous. 1.00
01:05:43.000 Like, obviously it's hard to become a SEAL or a Ranger or whatever, but like, I don't know, something like 50% of them die. 1.00
01:05:50.000 Some crazy stat. 1.00
01:05:51.000 They are fucking crazy. 1.00
01:05:54.000 Anyway, we don't want to fight them. 1.00
01:05:55.000 Guess why?
01:05:56.000 Everyone who's fought them from Napoleon to Hitler to everybody lost. 0.93
01:06:00.000 Except the Mongols. 0.94
01:06:01.000 Mongols took over. 0.95
01:06:02.000 Mongols beat everybody. 0.62
01:06:04.000 Mongols took over Russia for like 200 years. 1.00
01:06:06.000 The only reason why they didn't get to Europe is because they got tired.
01:06:09.000 They're all drunk.
01:06:10.000 It was too far.
01:06:12.000 Our horses aren't big enough. 0.94
01:06:15.000 My question was, I wonder if, like, because Russia suffered the defeat in the Cold War and economic disparity and it was hard times, they've gone through some brutal infighting and all the shit that happened, the people that did survive, 0.88
01:06:31.000 They're a different, it's like a different lineage. 0.97
01:06:34.000 Well, they're tough as hell, yeah.
01:06:36.000 Yeah, and I wonder if that's just what happens.
01:06:38.000 And then those people rise up, and then the people like us that are on top of things, we start criticizing cartoons, and we get soft and fat.
01:06:47.000 Well, maybe the cartoon shouldn't be punching down.
01:06:49.000 We get goofy.
01:06:51.000 Well, that's true.
01:06:51.000 Yeah, and then we get so unrealistic as to the nature of man and the ways of the world and the way things work right now.
01:06:58.000 Not a utopian vision of what could certainly be possible, but the fact, like I saw a t-shirt, you don't like cops, next time you get in trouble call a crackhead. 0.99
01:07:07.000 Well listen, people that are complaining and bitching about cops, I guarantee you, if someone was breaking into your fucking house, you're gonna call 911. You're right, but whenever I go to any of these places and you see dudes sleeping in the sand, 0.96
01:07:22.000 eating dirt, cuddling their Kalashnikov for warmth, and then you look at... 0.53
01:07:28.000 Look, I'll be the first to put my hand up.
01:07:31.000 You look at me and I'm like, well, will I have In-N-Out Burger or Wendy's?
01:07:36.000 Will I have the super-sized Coke or the Valium?
01:07:40.000 And I'm just like...
01:07:42.000 You know, I used to, when I was young, I used to think I was a tough guy.
01:07:45.000 And when you see these dudes who literally know nothing but an AK-47 and will eat sand, you're like, yeah, I don't want to fight that guy.
01:07:53.000 And by the way, the majority of people I know in our country, why?
01:07:57.000 Because our country's great. 0.99
01:07:59.000 You don't want to fight these motherfuckers because they are fucking badass. 1.00
01:08:03.000 And it's like, I think we've had this discussion before, but when you look at boxing and shit, the tougher the neighborhood, the poorer the neighborhood, the better the boxer because they're fighting for something. 1.00
01:08:13.000 They want to get the fuck out. 0.99
01:08:15.000 You don't see a lot of Harvard boxers sitting there going one, two, three, kerumph. 0.98
01:08:19.000 It's that, and it's also they're used to dealing with violence on a regular basis.
01:08:23.000 They can operate more effectively in those high-pressure scenarios.
01:08:27.000 I think that's what we're saying about Russians, too.
01:08:30.000 These are harder people.
01:08:32.000 They're stronger in will and in character because of what they've had to go through.
01:08:36.000 I think if you look at the two longest wars in American history, if you look at Iraq and Afghanistan...
01:08:44.000 And then I remember when Russia invaded Crimea, which is 90% Russian.
01:08:51.000 You know, Fox News was saying this is the first time they've ever gone without a shot and we should go in and what are we going to do?
01:08:56.000 And you're like, hold on a second, hold on a second.
01:08:58.000 You're talking about going into Russia, which is Russian, to fight Russians about taking over a part of Russia, you know, that traditionally was a part of Russia.
01:09:10.000 You know, we had a hard time in Iraq with not the greatest army in the world with a lot of terrorists.
01:09:17.000 We had a hard time in In Afghanistan with the Taliban, who aren't even an army in any real sense of the word, you're going to go take on the Russians in Russia's backyard. 0.99
01:09:29.000 You're going to get a fucking bloody nose like you have never experienced before. 0.99
01:09:33.000 If you're going to do it, you better be ready to go all in. 0.99
01:09:36.000 And that's, you know, one of the things that NATO has a thing, that if you attack any NATO country, all of NATO then has to go And go with you.
01:09:45.000 Obviously, we're a part of NATO. So that means if anyone fucks with an island of Finland or someone fucks with fucking Norway's fishing rights, whatever, we all got to go in. 0.92
01:09:55.000 And then you're like, well, we better be ready for that. 0.99
01:09:57.000 And we better understand what the fuck that means. 1.00
01:10:00.000 The Russians have been doing fucking... 1.00
01:10:00.000 Because guess what? 1.00
01:10:03.000 Power squads with AK-47s ready to go while we've been sort of eating Pop Rocks and drinking Coke and sand.
01:10:11.000 I think PlayStation is better than Nintendo.
01:10:15.000 What's the real difference between us, though, is economic, right?
01:10:19.000 I mean, Russian, they don't have an economy like we do, right? 1.00
01:10:24.000 There's no difference as far as what they can put into the military, into their budget and their resources.
01:10:30.000 Well, you know, Russia and China have always had a different philosophy, which is have a lot more of it. 0.70
01:10:35.000 You know, so they have more tanks that are shittier, but they've got to shoot ten of them.
01:10:42.000 And China used to, that was their thing, waves. 0.95
01:10:44.000 You know, they'd have waves of people and they would literally, your machine guns would overheat kind of thing. 0.94
01:10:49.000 So if you look at it, we have the best military in the world, most technologically advanced military in the world, but I don't know what the standing army is, and I'm going to get in shit no matter what number I say, but let's say it's 3 million, right?
01:11:01.000 You know, then you look at Russia, it's probably 30, and if you look at China, it's probably 300. A million?
01:11:07.000 Yeah.
01:11:07.000 Really?
01:11:08.000 I believe in China. 1.00
01:11:10.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:11:11.000 Look it up. 1.00
01:11:11.000 I think at one point in China, everybody has to be in the military. 1.00
01:11:14.000 They have a billion three people, so...
01:11:17.000 I'm getting woozy. 0.96
01:11:18.000 But yeah, but the thing is, is you can have however many people you want in the most technologically advanced military in the world, but if you're fucking with China, you're in trouble. 0.97
01:11:27.000 And if you're fucking with Russia, you're in trouble. 0.80
01:11:30.000 Then it goes to, well, we have a lot more nukes than them, and then obviously that's not a question you want to have. 0.99
01:11:34.000 Yeah, that's the worst question you can ever get into.
01:11:37.000 United States Armed Forces, Standing Army.
01:11:40.000 Let's see how many people we got.
01:11:42.000 Active personnel, 1,369,532.
01:11:46.000 Is that combat troops or is that in total?
01:11:48.000 It just says active personnel.
01:11:50.000 It's just a wiki.
01:11:51.000 Yeah, because if you look at combat personnel, it's usually 20%, which is a staggeringly low number.
01:11:57.000 It's like 300,000 people or something.
01:11:59.000 Whoa, that's terrifying.
01:12:02.000 Yeah, this, uh, that's not good.
01:12:05.000 This idea that we're going to go to war with someone like Russia, too, that freaks people out, too, because Russia...
01:12:09.000 No, we can't go to war with Russia. 0.86
01:12:10.000 Russians look white. 1.00
01:12:12.000 We can't go to war with Russia. 0.97
01:12:14.000 Well, no, you can't go to war with Russia because, A, you know, whoever, maybe it would be a tie, let's say.
01:12:21.000 But then all those nukes... 0.72
01:12:24.000 All you need is one crazy general on either side. 1.00
01:12:27.000 One crazy motherfucker to say, you know what? 1.00
01:12:29.000 I'm gonna Dr. Strange love this shit and I'm just gonna let it fly. 1.00
01:12:33.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:12:34.000 Dr. Drake loves this shit. 1.00
01:12:36.000 Do you think there is an issue, though, the difference between going to war with someone who doesn't look like what we perceive to be the quintessential or the typical American? 0.99
01:12:47.000 Yes, but you know what I'm confused about is if you look at America, what would you say the number one security political problem in America is today?
01:13:00.000 Security?
01:13:01.000 Like security issue, security problem, political...
01:13:05.000 Like, not political problem, like it can't be debt or energy or whatever.
01:13:08.000 Privacy?
01:13:10.000 No, like a security...
01:13:11.000 Yeah, okay.
01:13:12.000 It can't be...
01:13:13.000 External, external, external.
01:13:15.000 We're worried about terrorism.
01:13:15.000 External.
01:13:17.000 Okay, good.
01:13:17.000 Thank you.
01:13:18.000 That was good.
01:13:19.000 What's the number one, by far way worse than America, in Russia today?
01:13:19.000 Sorry.
01:13:26.000 Terrorism.
01:13:27.000 They have terrorist attacks.
01:13:29.000 You know, they had the theater where they were all killed in the theater.
01:13:33.000 They just had the subway station.
01:13:34.000 They blew up two subway stations in Moscow recently.
01:13:37.000 They had the school where they killed all the kids, right?
01:13:42.000 Dagestan's coming up into Russia.
01:13:43.000 They have 9-11s, right, on a yearly basis, right?
01:13:49.000 Then you look at China and say, what's the biggest external threat happening in China right now?
01:13:56.000 Terrorism. 0.97
01:13:57.000 So Western China, the Uyghurs, or the Uyghurs, are fucking going apeshit in Northern China and Outer Mongolia, and it's causing a huge, massive, massive problem within China, where hundreds and thousands of people are being killed in slaughters and bus stops and train stops. 0.99
01:14:14.000 They just had one recently. 0.97
01:14:15.000 And what's interesting is you say, okay...
01:14:18.000 The three major powers in the world, America, China, and Russia, right, all share the exact same number one enemy, which is terrorism within their countries, aligned terrorism.
01:14:31.000 It's the same group, same groups.
01:14:34.000 And then you say, okay... 0.96
01:14:38.000 Why the fuck wouldn't we just get together and say, hey guys, we have exactly the same, and India, by the way, is in there as well. 0.99
01:14:46.000 Why the fuck don't we get together and say, hey, this is a huge problem for all of us. 1.00
01:14:50.000 Massive fucking problem for all of us. 1.00
01:14:53.000 And Europe. 1.00
01:14:54.000 Put everybody in there and say, why the fuck don't we get together and say, hey, we've got to solve this one way or t'other? 0.99
01:15:00.000 Because the deaths by terrorism, I believe, are number one China, number two Russia, number three America. 0.99
01:15:08.000 So why the fuck don't we get together and say, let's do something about this collectively? 0.97
01:15:12.000 We're number three America, but there must be number three all of the countries that we've invaded to bring us into number three, right? 0.99
01:15:19.000 Because death by terror is only like the 3,000 people that died in 9-11, and what other attacks?
01:15:24.000 You know, a few other isolated attacks.
01:15:25.000 Yeah, it would be attacks on Americans on foreign soil. 0.80
01:15:30.000 But in China, it's a continual war.
01:15:32.000 You have western China, northwestern China with the Uyghurs. 1.00
01:15:35.000 In Russia, it's continuing.
01:15:37.000 You have Dagestan, you have Chechnya, you have all this stuff.
01:15:39.000 And then here, you know, we have all of our, you know, things.
01:15:43.000 I guess it must include Afghanistan or Iraq.
01:15:48.000 And Russia's getting in a weird spot right now where their economy is sinking.
01:15:54.000 Like a free fall.
01:15:56.000 They've lost 50% of the ruble in the past two years?
01:15:59.000 Is that what it is?
01:16:00.000 Yeah, it's a combination of sanctions and the collapse of oil, which is the majority of their GDP. Both of which they're blaming on us.
01:16:11.000 Well, how do we fuck with their oil? 0.99
01:16:14.000 We lowered the price of it, right? 0.99
01:16:15.000 Isn't that part of what's going on?
01:16:16.000 Well, everyone lowered the price with shale oil and fracking.
01:16:20.000 We have done a lot to become energy independent, which I think is a good thing.
01:16:26.000 But the glut of cheap fracking shale oil has driven the price down.
01:16:32.000 And OPEC hasn't decreased supply, which would theoretically...
01:16:42.000 Wow.
01:16:51.000 The number of barrels that the United States produces today is supposed to be as much or more than anybody in the world.
01:16:59.000 We produce as much oil as anybody.
01:17:01.000 Yeah, we always produced a ton. 1.00
01:17:03.000 We just consumed more than we produced because we like to consume shit. 0.98
01:17:10.000 By and large, the biggest security problem I believe that we had, including terrorism, was that our energy dependence upon... 0.99
01:17:18.000 So if you look at Saudi Arabia, you say, okay, these guys are actively supporting mosques that say Wahhabism is good, i.e. 0.96
01:17:28.000 that you should adopt fighting terrorist Islam. 0.98
01:17:36.000 That was our money, you know.
01:17:38.000 And so at that point, you know, we're giving money to Pakistan, we're giving money to Saudi, we're giving money to Iran, we're giving money to Iraq.
01:17:45.000 Why?
01:17:47.000 It's crazy.
01:17:47.000 It doesn't seem sane.
01:17:49.000 Well, why then?
01:17:50.000 Oil. 1.00
01:17:50.000 Because we need the fucking oil. 1.00
01:17:52.000 And we need all the oil. 1.00
01:17:54.000 And as we need less and less of their oil.
01:17:57.000 Yeah, well, I think it puts us in a better position.
01:18:00.000 But doesn't it make them desperado?
01:18:02.000 Isn't it better to keep them our hoes? 1.00
01:18:05.000 That's what I think.
01:18:06.000 If I was running the country, I would continue to give money to other countries and keep them on the hoe tip. 1.00
01:18:11.000 That question is being answered right now.
01:18:14.000 That question is being answered in real time.
01:18:16.000 You don't want to go head to head with a hoe. 1.00
01:18:18.000 You want to give her a check. 0.58
01:18:20.000 But the thing is, because of exactly what you're saying, because of destratification of that power system, That's why you have ISIS. That's why you have all this shit. 1.00
01:18:29.000 Everyone just thinks ISIS is a bunch of dudes who went out, fucking had a joint and said, you know what, why don't we fucking take al-Qaeda's thunder? 1.00
01:18:36.000 No. 0.99
01:18:36.000 What happened is you have a huge fucking group from all over the world, international fucking consensus coming in there and saying we're going to make a caliphate. 0.99
01:18:45.000 And by the way, that caliphate, because they're Wahhabiists, say we want to take over Mecca. 0.99
01:18:50.000 Once they take over Mecca, if they take over Mecca, hopefully they don't, then you have a real problem. 0.99
01:18:56.000 Because then you have ISIS saying, we are the Pope and fucking Rome. 0.98
01:19:00.000 Thank you very much. 0.99
01:19:01.000 Is that what they want to do?
01:19:02.000 Is that the ultimate goal? 1.00
01:19:03.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 0.99
01:19:04.000 That's why Saudi Arabia is shitting their pants now, is because they were funding all these Wahhabist things, and then ISIS goes, yeah, we're Wahhabists, but we're the real Wahhabists, and we're coming to take Mecca. 1.00
01:19:15.000 Why? 0.82
01:19:15.000 Because if you run Mecca, you run the Sunni world, right? 0.82
01:19:19.000 And so...
01:19:19.000 Oh, God.
01:19:22.000 Saudi Arabia has a lot more to worry about ISIS than America does because they're real close to fucking Mecca and they want to take it. 0.99
01:19:29.000 We need to just get giant cargo planes like those cargo planes we do skydive out of and then fill them to the top with mushrooms. 0.96
01:19:37.000 And then at the end of it you have like a big board where you just push the mushrooms out the back of the plane.
01:19:42.000 What I love is we'll go on the ground with our whole military and fight Saddam Hussein.
01:19:50.000 But we were not going to go after...
01:19:51.000 We'll bomb ISIS here and there. 1.00
01:19:54.000 And you're like, yeah, ISIS is as bad as it gets, dude. 0.99
01:19:57.000 ISIS is as bad as it gets. 1.00
01:19:59.000 ISIS is Nazi Germany on fucking steroids. 1.00
01:20:02.000 Well, we're using drones, right? 1.00
01:20:04.000 That's the idea?
01:20:05.000 Or they are using drones.
01:20:07.000 I should really distinguish that.
01:20:08.000 I am not involved in the drone strikes.
01:20:11.000 Airstrikes.
01:20:12.000 And manned airstrikes.
01:20:12.000 Airstrikes.
01:20:15.000 And how many ISIS soldiers are there?
01:20:17.000 According to Ben Affleck, there's like 200 dudes.
01:20:20.000 Is he correct?
01:20:21.000 No.
01:20:22.000 What did Ben Affleck say?
01:20:23.000 I don't know.
01:20:24.000 He was on the Bill Maher show.
01:20:25.000 He had some goofy quote that got chewed apart by Sam Harris.
01:20:29.000 So we embedded with ISIS for four weeks last summer and I interviewed an ISIS member.
01:20:34.000 Hit the brakes.
01:20:35.000 Why'd you say that so casually?
01:20:37.000 We embedded with ISIS for four weeks. 1.00
01:20:40.000 What the fuck were you thinking, dude? 0.99
01:20:43.000 First of all, I did not say it casually. 1.00
01:20:45.000 That was casual as fuck. 0.97
01:20:47.000 I just assume everyone knows in the world. 0.99
01:20:50.000 I didn't know.
01:20:51.000 We had something like 45 million. 1.00
01:20:53.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
01:20:53.000 You there? 1.00
01:20:54.000 No.
01:20:55.000 But we have a filmmaker who we worked with in Palestine.
01:21:01.000 We asked if we could go see what was happening at the time ISIS, now ISIL. And we embedded for four weeks.
01:21:10.000 They changed names?
01:21:11.000 The artist formerly known as ISIS? That's it.
01:21:13.000 It's ISIL now?
01:21:14.000 ISIL, ISIS. They're like P. Diddy on steroids.
01:21:17.000 Or Puff Daddy.
01:21:18.000 So we embedded for four weeks with them all over in Iraq and in Syria.
01:21:24.000 And we released a documentary that won a ton of awards.
01:21:29.000 It was viewed tens of millions of times.
01:21:33.000 And basically we didn't have any commentary.
01:21:36.000 We just pressed record.
01:21:39.000 And I really enjoyed it because of that. 1.00
01:21:43.000 Because it wasn't like, look at these fucking cocksuckers, whatever. 1.00
01:21:46.000 It was like, hey, your veil's not... 1.00
01:21:49.000 Because what they did is they showed us what life under the Islamic State is. 0.94
01:21:53.000 And it's like Nazi Germany. 1.00
01:21:56.000 It's like you have to have the veil and you can't be too happy and you can't fucking eat too much licorice and all this shit. 0.99
01:22:03.000 And, you know, won a ton of awards for it. 0.99
01:22:05.000 We embedded with ISIS. I personally interviewed a couple guys from ISIS. There was a Canadian guy who was thought to be dead, who's not, and I interviewed him.
01:22:13.000 And what's interesting is, I mean, the numbers vary, you know, but the top end, what the number the guy was giving me is they have 50,000 foreign fighters.
01:22:25.000 Now, we know that they have 50,000 fighters.
01:22:28.000 The argument is, is it like 20,000 or 30,000 foreign and, you know, 20,000 Iraqi Syrian or what the mix-up is?
01:22:37.000 But these are on-the-ground fighters.
01:22:40.000 These are not like support troops or, you know, logistics or intelligence. 1.00
01:22:45.000 These are the fucking fighters. 0.99
01:22:47.000 So this is why people should sit up and take notice. 1.00
01:22:50.000 I mean, for us to mobilize 50,000 fighters is a huge fucking deal. 0.97
01:22:55.000 But they have people coming from America. 0.98
01:22:58.000 We talk to French people in ISIS. We talk to Americans. 0.59
01:23:04.000 I talk to Canadians personally.
01:23:07.000 I don't understand.
01:23:09.000 You're from America or you're from Canada, you're from France, you're from Germany, you're from the UK. You're fighting...
01:23:18.000 In my mind, anyway, for maybe the worst political organization around.
01:23:23.000 But in their mind, because they've grown up with these Wahhabist mosques, that's the right thing to do because they need to be Wahhabists in Mecca for it to be true Islam. 1.00
01:23:37.000 And that's why I think people should take the next look at ISIS. Because ISIS is not going away anytime soon because these people ideologically believe that they are right.
01:23:48.000 And the question shouldn't be, what the fuck's happening with ISIS? The question should be, how the fuck could ISIS recruit 50,000 people in fucking six months? 0.99
01:23:56.000 Well, if you think about what the image of the United States is and how we've invaded these foreign countries, these Islamic countries, and the hatred that a lot of the Islamic radical fundamentalist guys have towards the United States government, if we had a similar enemy to the United States, 0.99
01:24:14.000 as overpowering as we are, Yeah.
01:24:26.000 Yeah.
01:24:38.000 That would be...
01:24:39.000 It would never end.
01:24:40.000 The United States turned hard.
01:24:42.000 It would never end. 0.99
01:24:42.000 If you fucking gave us our super serum, our super soldier serum from Captain America movie. 0.99
01:24:47.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:24:47.000 It would be a... 0.99
01:24:48.000 This is a war-loving country.
01:24:50.000 Yeah.
01:24:50.000 We're just so fat and so far ahead of the curve.
01:24:53.000 But we would get down with it pretty quick.
01:24:55.000 I mean...
01:24:55.000 Well, that's what we saw after 9-11.
01:24:57.000 Yeah.
01:24:58.000 When everybody had the flags. 0.98
01:24:59.000 But I think that you brought up a fucking good point, which is, here's Iraq, right? 0.97
01:25:05.000 And for a long time we were supporting Iraq. 0.98
01:25:08.000 And then we'd support Iran, their biggest enemy. 0.99
01:25:10.000 And then we'd support Iraq again.
01:25:11.000 And then we'd support Iran. 0.64
01:25:13.000 Why?
01:25:13.000 Because we wanted cheap oil.
01:25:15.000 Fine.
01:25:15.000 That's geopolitics.
01:25:17.000 Actually, who gives a fuck? 0.99
01:25:18.000 Actually, you know, we're hegemonic power. 0.99
01:25:20.000 That's what we have to do.
01:25:21.000 Whatever. 1.00
01:25:23.000 The problem is, is you say, okay, we made up shit. 0.99
01:25:26.000 This is where it gets a bit wonky. 1.00
01:25:28.000 Right? 0.98
01:25:29.000 Because you're like, if you just told the American people, we need the fucking oil, and this guy is fucking with our oil, I think that would have been better than weapons of mass destruction and going into the UN and trying to get everybody behind it. 0.99
01:25:41.000 We understand we are a geopolitical player. 0.99
01:25:44.000 We're the policemen, the world's policemen. 1.00
01:25:46.000 You don't have to make this shit up. 0.99
01:25:47.000 But what happened is, they said, Al-Qaeda is being supported by Saddam Hussein. 1.00
01:25:53.000 Now, anyone with a half a brain knows...
01:25:56.000 That Al-Qaeda's fundamentalist religion and the Ba'ath party was a secular. 0.93
01:26:01.000 They were anti-religious.
01:26:02.000 They were like a political thing.
01:26:04.000 They didn't want religious extremism.
01:26:06.000 So they weren't helping Al-Qaeda.
01:26:08.000 Were they bad guys?
01:26:09.000 Is Saddam Hussein a bad guy? 0.99
01:26:11.000 I didn't like him.
01:26:11.000 Yes.
01:26:12.000 I don't like him.
01:26:12.000 He's not my friend.
01:26:13.000 But was he fucking Osama bin Laden's best friend? 0.98
01:26:16.000 They were enemies. 0.99
01:26:16.000 No. 0.99
01:26:17.000 In any case, we make shit up and we go in there. 1.00
01:26:21.000 We fucked shit up so bad for so long that when we leave, right after the day we leave, a fucking cadre of motherfuckers come out called ISIS, which make Al-Qaeda look like a fucking tea party and take over the country. 1.00
01:26:34.000 But is it surprising at all? 1.00
01:26:36.000 But hold on.
01:26:37.000 So we go in.
01:26:38.000 We made it up.
01:26:39.000 We said the boogeyman lives in Iraq. 0.99
01:26:42.000 We fuck it up so bad that when we leave, the boogeyman is twice as big, and by the way, we made him. 1.00
01:26:46.000 Now, that is a failure, not of our truth, but of the fucking State Department and of a political fucking... 1.00
01:26:53.000 Because these guys... 0.99
01:26:54.000 There was a time when the British could actually say, you know, we can make decisions that are... 0.99
01:26:59.000 We are making decisions that are terribly wrong, and the saddest part about that is people are paying for that on our side and on their side with their fucking lives. 0.99
01:27:07.000 But isn't that... 0.98
01:27:08.000 I mean, I'm not in any way downplaying...
01:27:13.000 The troops or any military action, but I'm just looking at it from a purely objective point of view, almost like a mathematical point of view.
01:27:21.000 Isn't that a cause and effect type situation?
01:27:23.000 I mean, you enter into a country, you have what is the number of casualties of civilians in Iraq?
01:27:28.000 It's staggering, right?
01:27:29.000 It's like 100 to 1. It's crazy.
01:27:32.000 The amount of civilians that were killed is supposedly somewhere around a million. 0.99
01:27:35.000 Yes, including sanctions because we cut off medicine and shit. 0.98
01:27:40.000 It's like a million Iraqis. 0.99
01:27:42.000 It's a big number.
01:27:43.000 What does anybody in their right mind think the reaction of those people is going to be unless they're so completely detached from those people on the ground that you don't take that into account at all when you make your decision?
01:27:53.000 That's my long-winded answer to your question, which is if someone did that to America...
01:27:57.000 Exactly.
01:27:58.000 And said, America bombed Russia.
01:28:00.000 And we clearly did not bomb Russia or we didn't help or whatever.
01:28:03.000 They invaded us, killed a million or ten, whatever the factor is, ten million or twenty million. 1.00
01:28:10.000 Everybody, including me and you, would get, we said, we're going to go kill those motherfuckers. 1.00
01:28:14.000 Yeah, we would all have to get down. 1.00
01:28:15.000 And that is what's happening now. 1.00
01:28:17.000 And then everybody's sitting there going, well, fuck, we'll just go bomb ISIS, those ISIS motherfuckers cutting people's heads off. 1.00
01:28:23.000 Fuck ISIS, fuck ISIS. And you're like, I agree, fuck ISIS. I'm a journalist. 1.00
01:28:26.000 They're going to cut my head off, so I don't like them.
01:28:28.000 But at the same time, you're sitting there going, okay, why is no one asking? 1.00
01:28:34.000 Why is no one asking, how the fuck did these motherfuckers become popular? 1.00
01:28:37.000 How the fuck did they recruit guys from Virginia? 1.00
01:28:40.000 How did they recruit guys from France? 0.99
01:28:42.000 How did they recruit guys from England? 0.99
01:28:43.000 Where the fuck are these guys coming from? 1.00
01:28:46.000 And how did they take over Syria and fucking Iraq when you have every army in the world there and every fucking commando unit and every intelligence agency and these fucking bunch of new guys, new kids on the block took over everybody's shit. 1.00
01:28:59.000 And the reason why is because A... There's institutional fucking money funding them because we fucked up shit bad on our side. 1.00
01:29:07.000 Now, we should take the learnings that we've done and say, look, ISIS isn't going anywhere. 1.00
01:29:12.000 And unless we fucking, you know, go apeshit, guess what? 0.99
01:29:16.000 It's going to make Al-Qaeda look like a tea party. 1.00
01:29:19.000 Good Lord.
01:29:20.000 Right when you think that he's brought the doom and gloom to the highest level possible, a new watermark emerges. 1.00
01:29:26.000 This motherfucker. 0.99
01:29:29.000 I actually love life. 1.00
01:29:31.000 I know you do.
01:29:32.000 I love life.
01:29:33.000 I love you.
01:29:34.000 I love life so much.
01:29:35.000 Look, I eat too much.
01:29:36.000 I drink too much.
01:29:37.000 I hang out with dudes like you.
01:29:39.000 I gotta say, there's nothing...
01:29:41.000 I'm in there with drinking too much?
01:29:42.000 Well, I'll tell you why.
01:29:43.000 Because there's nothing better in life, and I don't know if you agree with me, but when you get older...
01:29:50.000 Besides family, because family for me is number one.
01:29:52.000 You have your kids, which are everything. 1.00
01:29:55.000 But you get a bit older, you know a bit of shit. 1.00
01:29:58.000 You have a drink, you have a steak, you talk to somebody and you say, look, this is important shit. 1.00
01:30:04.000 The greatest thing that we have, you and I, is that we can talk about this shit and people actually listen to us. 0.99
01:30:12.000 Because I believe that people all over America, North America, Europe, are having the exact same discussions. 0.99
01:30:20.000 And unless everybody goes, you know what, that's fucking true. 1.00
01:30:23.000 These guys are being cocksuckers and fuck ISIS and we gotta stop this fucking sea level rise. 1.00
01:30:30.000 That's the beauty about what we can do, is that we live in a world where we can talk and have a few drinks and say what we believe in. 1.00
01:30:38.000 And literally, I get it every time, like, you know, hundreds of thousands, tens of thousands, Facebook, Twitter, everyone's saying, okay, good, I'm fucking down, what do we do next? 0.97
01:30:46.000 I don't fucking know. 0.95
01:30:47.000 I'm not Jesus Christ. 0.99
01:30:49.000 We're just sitting here saying, this is what I believe and this is what I think.
01:30:52.000 The greatest thing about our lives...
01:30:56.000 Is that we live a life where we can have a discussion, and it actually matters, and people will listen and say, what do we do next?
01:31:02.000 Well, I think that's one of the things that's held back all cultures, is the ability to communicate with each other and find out that we're more alike than we are different.
01:31:11.000 We're all just human beings.
01:31:13.000 And it was really difficult to have those conversations before.
01:31:16.000 It was really difficult to reach people all over the world.
01:31:19.000 Well, look at this.
01:31:20.000 Yeah, doing something like this.
01:31:21.000 No, but hold on.
01:31:22.000 Look at what you've built here.
01:31:24.000 You've built a communication center.
01:31:26.000 You've built a network.
01:31:27.000 Back in the day, this would be NBC. People would come in and they'd talk their shit and they'd say whatever they say and then they'd leave. 0.99
01:31:34.000 Walter Cronkite. 0.99
01:31:34.000 You literally built that here. 0.99
01:31:37.000 Now it's a lot less prohibitively expensive than building NBC. But that's why whenever I come here and I try to come here every time I come to L.A., It's because this is the future of...
01:31:49.000 It's NBC, but it's NBC for our people.
01:31:52.000 It's not NBC for everyone.
01:31:54.000 NBC used to...
01:31:55.000 There was three channels. 0.97
01:31:57.000 But one of the things I love about coming here, and this is why I get rankled about censorship, is Joe Rogan has to be able to say whatever the fuck he wants, no matter what. 0.99
01:32:06.000 Shane Smith has to be able to say whatever the fuck I want, no matter what. 0.97
01:32:10.000 You can say, I'm wrong... 1.00
01:32:13.000 You can say, fuck you, Shane, I hate you. 1.00
01:32:15.000 You're not allowed to shoot me without me trying to shoot you back. 1.00
01:32:18.000 But while we have freedom of speech and while we have communication, while we have all this shit, we should celebrate the shit out of it and we should tell everybody else out there that they should celebrate the shit out of it because that's what true freedom is. 0.99
01:32:31.000 Unless we're allowed to say whatever the fuck we want to say, there is no such thing as freedom. 0.98
01:32:36.000 There is no such thing as true freedom if you can't express yourself. 0.97
01:32:39.000 Correct.
01:32:39.000 It's 100%.
01:32:40.000 It's number one. 1.00
01:32:41.000 Fuck the thing, you can buy a gun, you can do this. 1.00
01:32:44.000 If you can't say what you fucking believe without somebody pointing a gun to your head, that was what the Gestapo did. 1.00
01:32:51.000 The Gestapo said, you can't say that or we'll fuck you up. 1.00
01:32:53.000 Well, the idea is that they're symbiotic because you need the gun to be able to say, hey, fuck you. 1.00
01:32:58.000 I'm going to say whatever I want. 1.00
01:33:00.000 I can protect my body with this weapon.
01:33:02.000 You have a weapon.
01:33:03.000 It's the only thing that I'm worried about from you.
01:33:04.000 But then you're in a gunfight.
01:33:05.000 Well, isn't that what the whole world is?
01:33:07.000 It shouldn't get to the gunfight. 0.95
01:33:09.000 We should be able to say whatever the fuck we want, and that's inviolate. 0.66
01:33:12.000 And by the way, that's what we should be fighting for. 0.99
01:33:15.000 When we talk about human rights, when we talk about shit, a lot of time, like, we were going, oh, Saddam is a bad guy. 0.99
01:33:20.000 Yeah, there's a lot of bad guys. 1.00
01:33:22.000 The Hootsies and the Tootsies were fucking killing the fuck out of each other. 0.99
01:33:25.000 With machetes. 0.99
01:33:26.000 Exactly.
01:33:27.000 Millions.
01:33:27.000 So it wasn't about him being a bad guy because there's a lot of bad guys out there.
01:33:31.000 However, what we should fight for is freedom of speech.
01:33:35.000 And that's why Charlie Hebdo is an important thing that everybody in the world is coming out.
01:33:39.000 They're not protesting.
01:33:40.000 They're saying, you know what? 0.99
01:33:42.000 Everybody should be able to say whatever the fuck they want. 0.99
01:33:44.000 And I believe in that. 1.00
01:33:46.000 Well, I think anybody who doesn't believe in that is a fool. 1.00
01:33:49.000 There's a lot of fucking people. 1.00
01:33:51.000 But did you hear about what the fuck is going on? 1.00
01:33:53.000 There was another attack after this Charlie Hebdo thing, this Boko Haram. 0.99
01:33:59.000 Yeah.
01:34:00.000 That was 2,000 people killed in Nigeria by Islamic extremists.
01:34:04.000 Yes.
01:34:05.000 But we didn't hear about that. 0.96
01:34:06.000 Because they're black. 0.99
01:34:07.000 That's what I'm saying. 0.99
01:34:07.000 Exactly. 0.99
01:34:09.000 Isn't that a fucking weird thing, man? 0.97
01:34:09.000 Yeah, well, that's true. 0.97
01:34:11.000 That's weird.
01:34:12.000 2,000 people.
01:34:14.000 It's racism and it's Africa fatigue.
01:34:16.000 And quite frankly...
01:34:17.000 But it's two different issues, right?
01:34:19.000 One of them is attacking someone because of freedom of speech.
01:34:22.000 Yeah.
01:34:23.000 And this is some other motivation, right?
01:34:26.000 Well, there is, sadly, you know, there is Africa fatigue, much like there's Afghanistan fatigue or Iraq fatigue.
01:34:32.000 I mean, how about, let's take Iraq, for example.
01:34:36.000 We left Iraq and said mission accomplished.
01:34:38.000 We won.
01:34:39.000 Good.
01:34:39.000 Goodbye.
01:34:40.000 And we left.
01:34:41.000 The story didn't end, but we left.
01:34:43.000 Boom.
01:34:43.000 ISIS. Bang.
01:34:44.000 Biggest story in the world. 1.00
01:34:45.000 Oh, where the fuck did these guys come from? 1.00
01:34:47.000 Well, if you would have not just left, you would have known. 1.00
01:34:51.000 And I think that there's Africa fatigue for sure. 0.67
01:34:54.000 Ebola actually continues to rise.
01:34:56.000 The deaths continue to rise.
01:34:58.000 We haven't contained it. 0.99
01:34:59.000 It's now in Sierra Leone and Guinea, and it's fucking getting worse in Liberia. 0.98
01:35:06.000 It's out of the news cycle, so therefore it must be fucking over. 0.98
01:35:09.000 We must have sent a pill that worked. 0.99
01:35:11.000 No! 1.00
01:35:12.000 The deaths fucking increase. 1.00
01:35:13.000 The opportunity for contagion increases. 1.00
01:35:20.000 That's why we're doing our 24-hour news network, because you're like, who gives a fuck about the news cycle? 0.95
01:35:26.000 They found the plane, so therefore, who cares? 0.63
01:35:30.000 When we left Iraq, that's when the problem started, and nobody paid any attention while ISIS built up. 0.98
01:35:36.000 You know, you look at West Africa and you say, Ebola is fucking still raging. 0.99
01:35:42.000 But now it's fucking, the nurse didn't get it into Houston, so we're okay. 0.98
01:35:47.000 I mean, there is Africa fatigue, there is Iraq fatigue, there is Iran fatigue, and it's like, now we're going to enter into domestic elections and we'll be fascinated with what goes on there. 0.99
01:35:58.000 Well, it's almost like it never ends.
01:35:59.000 Like, this is a fractal equation.
01:36:01.000 Because as you start looking at all the various aspects of our culture that we could change, it could be better, and we look at life and death, just look at the deaths that we have in this country because of cigarettes.
01:36:10.000 I don't have any problem with people smoking cigarettes if you truly want to, but the fact that that's sort of this ignored thing. 0.99
01:36:18.000 If everyone stood back, if everyone, like the entire government, had a whole anti-cigarette week, Where they said, and every day on the news they broadcast a special about this is a person who started smoking when they were 16, here they are when they're 15, getting half their throat removed and show that shit on television. 0.83
01:36:36.000 How long would it be before the numbers just radically dropped?
01:36:39.000 And the number of people that you saw dead every year radically dropped from cancer.
01:36:44.000 It would be gigantic.
01:36:45.000 It would be huge.
01:36:46.000 But then we get back into the whole freedom of speech thing, which is, you know...
01:36:51.000 But isn't that freedom of speech?
01:36:53.000 Well, it is freedom of speech, but like when government gets involved in...
01:36:58.000 Social issues?
01:36:58.000 In messaging thing.
01:37:00.000 Well, but what's a social issue?
01:37:01.000 Well, that's a social issue.
01:37:02.000 Because if you look...
01:37:03.000 Well, okay, but let's look at the social issue that was...
01:37:06.000 Just say no.
01:37:07.000 That was Obamacare, which, by the way, calling like affordable health care Obamacare is funny because you're just labeling Obama.
01:37:15.000 And if you look at it just as if you take a step back, and by the way, I don't want to get embroiled into it because I... I'm not an expert, but globally, you're like, universal healthcare is like a thing.
01:37:26.000 Like, people should be universal healthcare or whatever.
01:37:29.000 Now, granted, I come from Canada, where universal healthcare when I grew up was good.
01:37:34.000 However, that said, I'm not a huge believer in the government...
01:37:39.000 Running anything because governments, I believe, because I grew up in a government town, are inefficient and they spend 80% of the money on themselves and 20% on the thing.
01:37:50.000 So I'm not like a huge believer in government doing anything. 0.78
01:37:53.000 That said, universal health care for the richest country in the world seems like fucking we should have it.
01:37:59.000 That became the greatest single debate and probably the worst thing for...
01:38:04.000 Definitely Obama, but for sure maybe up there in top five for the Democratic Party.
01:38:10.000 And essentially it was like a thing that if you looked at it in the world context, every rich industrial country has universal health care. 0.97
01:38:19.000 It's just a boring, it's a fucking given, it's a nothing. 0.91
01:38:22.000 And that became such a fucking huge thing because it was the government interfering into... 0.99
01:38:31.000 Your private life, right? 0.93
01:38:33.000 And because of that, the extrapolation became a thing. 0.99
01:38:36.000 And I found that to be an amazing litmus test on the American psyche because you sit there and say, I mean, quite frankly, who the fuck cares? 0.98
01:38:47.000 You know how much money we're misspending on healthcare? 0.98
01:38:50.000 I get taxed more in America than I did in Canada, in communist Canada. 1.00
01:38:55.000 I get taxed more in America and the fucking money gets thrown down the toilet. 1.00
01:39:00.000 I would be a fucking tea party motherfucker on the taxation side because you tax me the same in Canada but the schools suck and the hospitals suck, whatever. 1.00
01:39:10.000 But you have to have universal healthcare. 1.00
01:39:12.000 You cannot be the richest country in the world and have fucking people dying on the street and just rotting there because, well, fuck, you know, they couldn't afford it. 1.00
01:39:21.000 Now, was it implemented? 1.00
01:39:23.000 Was it messaged?
01:39:23.000 Well, no.
01:39:24.000 Well, no. 1.00
01:39:25.000 But the political war that went over over something as stupid as fucking universal healthcare... 1.00
01:39:32.000 Stupid to argue about. 1.00
01:39:33.000 Yeah, it just becomes like, we're going to fucking argue about everything now. 1.00
01:39:37.000 Every single fucking thing. 0.97
01:39:39.000 We're going to argue about, can we fund the government? 1.00
01:39:43.000 We're going to argue about fucking, are we going to pay our own debt? 0.98
01:39:47.000 We're going to argue about, you know, what shoe we put on the right foot versus the left foot. 0.98
01:39:52.000 And that's the problem is, if you talk to Petraeus, who now is up against charges, but Secretary Gates, anyone, they will all tell you the greatest...
01:40:03.000 The greatest problem for American security is the inaction of the government. 0.98
01:40:08.000 The government cannot enact fucking anything. 0.94
01:40:11.000 And that is the problem that you have today is you have something like Affordable Health Care Act just becoming a huge politicized issue where someone should have just said, look, it's going to cost us 0.01% of the fucking thing to make universal health care, which we can't fucking hold our heads up if we don't have it. 0.99
01:40:28.000 Just fucking do it and we'll shut up and fucking get on with fucking whatever the fuck else it is. 0.99
01:40:32.000 Became the number one political issue of last year. 1.00
01:40:34.000 And guess what?
01:40:35.000 It's a non-issue.
01:40:36.000 It's a non-issue.
01:40:37.000 We don't have water.
01:40:37.000 We're sitting here.
01:40:39.000 We don't have fucking water. 0.99
01:40:41.000 I think I already fixed that, bro. 0.99
01:40:42.000 Fix it.
01:40:43.000 Fix it.
01:40:43.000 I already fixed that with my pipeline.
01:40:45.000 Pipeline to Antarctica.
01:40:46.000 Pipeline to the big ice cube.
01:40:48.000 No problem, dude.
01:40:49.000 You just developed like a funnel.
01:40:52.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:40:52.000 And attach the funnel to the ice.
01:40:54.000 Instead of the narcos, it'll just be like eco-warriors with dreads and sandals.
01:41:00.000 Yeah, we would find out that Inuits have been peeing in the funnel and everybody would get really pissed. 1.00
01:41:04.000 This is bullshit. 0.99
01:41:07.000 There's no fix, but I think we've been in constant turmoil for so long. 1.00
01:41:11.000 I wonder if...
01:41:12.000 When something happens, like ISIS, or something along those lines where there's a real military movement against this big machine in America, I wonder if it excites some sort of primal DNA. Yeah, I got it.
01:41:24.000 Because I know that hunting does.
01:41:27.000 And you know what else does?
01:41:29.000 Farming, man.
01:41:30.000 Growing your own vegetables.
01:41:31.000 There's something about plucking your own vegetables and slicing into it and making a salad with that tomato.
01:41:36.000 I made that.
01:41:37.000 There's something primal.
01:41:38.000 Oh, it's good.
01:41:38.000 I made that.
01:41:39.000 I believe that that reward...
01:41:40.000 It also tastes better.
01:41:42.000 It does.
01:41:42.000 It does.
01:41:43.000 I was listening...
01:41:44.000 But hold on.
01:41:44.000 It probably tastes better just in general.
01:41:46.000 It's probably better for you, too.
01:41:47.000 No, but psychologically, it tastes better because I made that.
01:41:52.000 100%.
01:41:53.000 Definitely.
01:41:54.000 I couldn't agree more.
01:41:55.000 But I feel like...
01:41:57.000 The vodka that I make doesn't taste better than this.
01:41:59.000 Do you make vodka?
01:42:00.000 I've made every booze you can make.
01:42:02.000 Really?
01:42:02.000 How do you make vodka?
01:42:03.000 It tastes like fucking... 1.00
01:42:04.000 It's potato. 1.00
01:42:05.000 It's just...
01:42:05.000 You can make a still in fermentation...
01:42:09.000 And it tastes like... 0.57
01:42:10.000 Everything tastes like shitty, awful moonshine. 0.94
01:42:12.000 Terrible. 0.87
01:42:13.000 Vodka, what they do is they just refine away just so it tastes like nothing because you never...
01:42:20.000 I mean, vodka doesn't taste like anything. 0.99
01:42:21.000 It just adds some shit into it. 0.98
01:42:23.000 Have you ever seen those tests where they've taken Brita? 1.00
01:42:25.000 You know, I'm sorry, but that doesn't taste like anything until they put it into the barrels.
01:42:28.000 Oh, the barrels are like stained.
01:42:30.000 The barrels stain it and taste it. 1.00
01:42:33.000 Otherwise, it would just taste like fucking vodka. 0.99
01:42:35.000 All alcohol is just alcohol. 0.99
01:42:37.000 Right, and the whiskey barrels are like coal and stuff, right?
01:42:40.000 They burn them, yeah.
01:42:42.000 That's why it's so yummy. 0.99
01:42:43.000 It is fucking good. 0.98
01:42:44.000 It's the best. 0.98
01:42:45.000 Jack Daniels is the best.
01:42:46.000 You know what? 0.97
01:42:48.000 But hold on, you can order all the super high-end shit and whatever else, but I believe Jack is the best tasting. 0.97
01:42:55.000 But it's not bourbon, apparently. 0.98
01:42:57.000 It's pure America.
01:42:59.000 Come.
01:43:00.000 It's the come of our great country.
01:43:02.000 I do like Jack, I've got to say.
01:43:04.000 What I was going to say was that someone took a cheap bottle of vodka and poured it through those Brita water filters and did it like seven or eight times, and it came out as good as any vodka you could ever buy.
01:43:14.000 Well, Smirnoff always wins.
01:43:15.000 Smirnoff's like $5 a liter, and they always win the taste test.
01:43:21.000 You know why? 0.99
01:43:21.000 Because it tastes like fucking nothing. 0.99
01:43:23.000 They put sugar in there. 1.00
01:43:24.000 Well, I don't think they put shit in there. 1.00
01:43:26.000 They just put alcohol in there. 1.00
01:43:28.000 That is weird that drinks are not supposed to taste good. 1.00
01:43:31.000 If they taste good, you fucking pussy. 1.00
01:43:34.000 What do you got, a little umbrella in your drink and a cherry? 1.00
01:43:37.000 That's true.
01:43:38.000 That's true.
01:43:39.000 That's weird.
01:43:40.000 Because I always, when I was a kid, I used to pretend.
01:43:43.000 This says something about my psyche.
01:43:46.000 But I would drink Coca-Cola out of like a shot glass.
01:43:49.000 Oh, Jesus Christ, when you were a kid?
01:43:51.000 Yeah.
01:43:52.000 And I always thought, this is the greatest. 0.79
01:43:54.000 And by the way, if they had a drink that was like Coca-Cola, but like, was like, I would drink the fuck out of that.
01:44:00.000 Because I love Coca-Cola.
01:44:04.000 I'm trying not to drink it now.
01:44:05.000 What about Pepsi? 1.00
01:44:06.000 I fucking hate Pepsi. 1.00
01:44:06.000 Do you have an issue with Pepsi? 1.00
01:44:07.000 Whoa, that happens often.
01:44:09.000 Won't drink it.
01:44:09.000 Will not drink Pepsi.
01:44:10.000 Jim Norton is the same way, by the way.
01:44:11.000 Pepsi is like a sugary water.
01:44:14.000 Coca-Cola is the greatest carbolic acid that ever existed.
01:44:18.000 That's true.
01:44:19.000 Strong words.
01:44:19.000 But, you know, people used to have the taste tests, right?
01:44:22.000 I don't know why I'm looking at you for vindication.
01:44:24.000 Why'd you look at Jamie? 1.00
01:44:24.000 They would do the taste test and you'd be like, if you can't taste the difference between Coca-Cola and Pepsi, you're fucking... 1.00
01:44:29.000 I hate your guts because they're completely different fucking things. 0.99
01:44:33.000 In any case, I always pretend and I've always been waiting for a drink that's going to be as powerful and amazing and hit you as hard as a Coca-Cola. 1.00
01:44:43.000 And every time you have one, it's just minorly disappointing.
01:44:46.000 I love whiskey.
01:44:48.000 Right? 0.99
01:44:48.000 But if whiskey tastes like Coca-Cola, I would fucking be like... 0.99
01:44:53.000 I would drink a lot more of it. 0.99
01:44:55.000 You can't...
01:44:56.000 Yeah, if whiskey tasted like Coca-Cola, we'd have a real problem in this country.
01:44:59.000 You have to feel it.
01:45:00.000 I think one of the good things about...
01:45:04.000 One of the good things about whiskey or about tequila, you feel it when it's going down.
01:45:10.000 You know you've done something terrible.
01:45:13.000 Yeah.
01:45:13.000 Like you take a shot of Jack Daniels and it hits you and just like...
01:45:15.000 Well, you brought up a very good point because I just got back from a week in Vegas, right?
01:45:22.000 And it's a very good point because if you ask me what I really like to drink, like if I wanted to drink something, I like Irish whiskey. 0.87
01:45:29.000 I like shitty Irish whiskey. 0.77
01:45:33.000 I can't feel like I'm back. 0.99
01:45:47.000 But what the fuck do I really drink? 0.98
01:45:50.000 I drink vodka soda. 0.99
01:45:51.000 Why? 1.00
01:45:52.000 Because it's a fucking drunks drink, and you can drink... 1.00
01:45:52.000 Why? 1.00
01:45:55.000 When you're at Vegas and you're playing, you can drink 50 vodka sodas and just be like, there's the water in there, it's the purest of the spirit, and if you drink 50 fucking jacks, you're fighting the croupier, you're shitting on the floor, you're running around... 0.82
01:46:11.000 Vodka soda is like you rehydrate. 0.94
01:46:13.000 It's a drunk drink.
01:46:15.000 You can drink a vodka soda forever.
01:46:17.000 Also, do you ever get sick?
01:46:18.000 Like, you know when you're drinking a lot of whiskey?
01:46:20.000 At the end of it, you're like, I never want to drink another whiskey again.
01:46:22.000 Vodka soda, you wake up the next day and say, oh, vodka soda.
01:46:26.000 Like, that's scary because I'm now so old and I've drank so much booze that I'm like, well, can you drink 5,000 of those?
01:46:34.000 Because if you can drink 5,000 of them, I'll go, which is a vodka soda? 0.61
01:46:37.000 That seems ridiculous.
01:46:38.000 So you honestly believe that whiskey gets you into fights? 0.89
01:46:41.000 You think that's what's going on?
01:46:42.000 Brown liquor is a punchy liquor, my friend, and you know it.
01:46:45.000 Listen, I come from a long line of brick-carrying savages.
01:46:49.000 I've always drank brown liquor.
01:46:51.000 I despise the clear liquor.
01:46:52.000 Brown liquor is a punchy liquor.
01:46:54.000 I don't like the clear liquor.
01:46:55.000 I drink the Mexican version of clear liquor. 1.00
01:46:57.000 I don't trust that Russian shit. 1.00
01:47:00.000 Well, tequila will keep you up. 1.00
01:47:02.000 Vodka will keep you up.
01:47:03.000 I've always been a Jack Daniels.
01:47:04.000 Brown liquor will keep you punchy. 1.00
01:47:06.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:47:06.000 You know that. 1.00
01:47:07.000 Why do you think you're a fighter?
01:47:09.000 You've got the kettlebells and the kicking and the fighting.
01:47:11.000 Come on, man.
01:47:11.000 It's nothing to do with Jack Daniels.
01:47:12.000 You can't blame Jack Daniels on poor decision making.
01:47:15.000 I don't think it's the carbon inside the barrel.
01:47:17.000 I mean, you yourself said that alcohol has the same effect.
01:47:20.000 It's alcohol. 0.99
01:47:21.000 It's shine with a bit of fucking burnt wood in it. 0.99
01:47:24.000 But by the way, it's gorgeous. 0.99
01:47:25.000 One of the managers at the comedy store, Terrence, has some fucking ridiculous moonshine that he brought from back home. 0.98
01:47:31.000 Moonshine will wake you up. 0.99
01:47:31.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:47:33.000 But the reason why I like cheap Irish whiskey...
01:47:36.000 You want some?
01:47:37.000 Yeah.
01:47:37.000 The reason why I like cheap Irish whiskey...
01:47:40.000 ...is because they run it through peat, which is, you know, bog bricks that they...
01:47:40.000 New glasses.
01:47:45.000 It tastes like fucking grass, basically. 1.00
01:47:48.000 And it's just moonshine that tastes like grass. 1.00
01:47:50.000 I'm like, oh, fuck whiskey, I love it. 1.00
01:47:52.000 It's just fucking moonshine. 1.00
01:47:53.000 How about grappa? 1.00
01:47:55.000 Grappa's just fucking moonshine, but they put it in the fancy bottles and shit, and you're like, it's fucking moonshine. 1.00
01:48:00.000 It's disgusting. 1.00
01:48:00.000 It's the same fucking thing as moonshine. 1.00
01:48:02.000 My grandparents used to have that shit. 1.00
01:48:05.000 You should drink it after a meal just to tolerate each other. 1.00
01:48:08.000 I've got to say that we've talked about how the world's about to end.
01:48:12.000 I've never felt better about humanity than I feel now because I've had a few drinks. 0.99
01:48:17.000 I don't know why alcohol is considered a depressant because I'm fucking euphoric as fuck when I drink it. 0.98
01:48:22.000 After the effect. 0.99
01:48:23.000 It crushes your immune system.
01:48:26.000 It's immunosuppressant.
01:48:27.000 It's bad for protein synthesis.
01:48:30.000 I did not know that.
01:48:31.000 It dehydrates you.
01:48:32.000 I know it's bad for fat burning.
01:48:35.000 I've experienced that first time.
01:48:37.000 Here's two different kinds of moonshine we have.
01:48:38.000 The real issue with alcohol is the dehydration and the liver toxicity.
01:48:45.000 Yeah, we're doing a piece. 0.94
01:48:47.000 Actually, can I be fucking positive for once in my misery life? 0.69
01:48:52.000 You're doing a piece that's positive. 0.94
01:48:53.000 Okay, so my favorite piece I've ever done, I'm doing right now, and I was at this conference.
01:48:59.000 This is Moonshine. 0.99
01:49:01.000 Well, now it's about to get unintelligible if I get into that shit. 0.99
01:49:07.000 So I'm going to try to get my last intelligence story out. 0.97
01:49:12.000 So I was at this conference, and there was this amazing, I don't know, presentation.
01:49:22.000 About a guy who was a researcher, HIV researcher, and they were like, well, HIV, HIV, you know, eats T-cells.
01:49:33.000 It eats human cells. 0.99
01:49:34.000 It's amazing at eating shit. 1.00
01:49:37.000 It's amazing at eating cells. 1.00
01:49:39.000 Now you're going to get me all fucked up. 0.99
01:49:39.000 Moonshine. 0.99
01:49:41.000 I'm going to start crying again.
01:49:43.000 So what are you saying, AIDS? You have AIDS? Okay.
01:49:48.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:49:49.000 That's good. 1.00
01:49:49.000 That's actually the best tasting shit we have here. 1.00
01:49:52.000 Goddamn America again. 1.00
01:49:52.000 That's real good. 1.00
01:49:53.000 I like it.
01:49:54.000 I'm going to have one more before I finish this story. 0.98
01:49:56.000 By the way, this story is going to fuck you up. 0.94
01:49:57.000 So everybody, turn it up now because this is important. 0.89
01:50:01.000 Okay.
01:50:04.000 Okay, so they figure out HIV is amazing at eating T cells, right?
01:50:10.000 So they say, what if like a pit bull, we starve the HIV and then we only feed it cancer, right?
01:50:18.000 Guess what happens? 0.99
01:50:19.000 It fucking works like a charm. 1.00
01:50:21.000 So they starve the HIV, they genetically reintroduce it. 1.00
01:50:25.000 So if HIV doesn't eat your T cells, it's not a problem to you, but it eats cancer.
01:50:29.000 So it's a cancer eater.
01:50:31.000 So I'm watching this thing going, hold on.
01:50:33.000 HIV eats cancer or cancer eats HIV? No.
01:50:36.000 HIV is an eater.
01:50:37.000 HIV eats cells.
01:50:39.000 Right.
01:50:39.000 So they're like, why don't we starve it for T cells and feed it cancer cells?
01:50:44.000 And it worked.
01:50:45.000 In fact, they've been in four years of trials, 100% success, right?
01:50:49.000 And it's blood cancer, so it's leukemia. 0.99
01:50:53.000 And so I started saying, well, holy fuck, because my mom had cancer and my stepmom died of cancer. 0.99
01:51:00.000 Everyone's had somebody affected by cancer. 1.00
01:51:03.000 So I'm like, holy shit, they re-engineered HIV. We're good to go. 0.99
01:51:24.000 Bone cancer and you see one woman had a golf ball sized tumor in her head and then like they inject her with measles and the fucking measles eat the cancer, like eat it, which was previously inoperable, 0.99
01:51:40.000 just goes away. 1.00
01:51:41.000 What the fuck? 0.99
01:51:42.000 So there's, in Houston they're doing it, in Mayo Clinic, in Penn State, and in Ottawa, Canada. 1.00
01:51:51.000 The guy who first discovered it was a guy who came across this paper where hookers who used to get cervical cancer also used to get rabies.
01:52:01.000 Because they were living in squalor.
01:52:03.000 So they would inject the women with rabies and then their cervical cancer would go away because the viruses eat the cancer. 1.00
01:52:10.000 So this is, by the way, I must be drunk because I'm giving you my biggest scoop on HBO that's coming up on our new season.
01:52:18.000 But so I went to interview all these doctors. 0.99
01:52:20.000 I went to say, like, what the fuck's going on? 0.99
01:52:22.000 They've re-engineered these viruses that used to kill us, right, to go eat cancer. 0.99
01:52:29.000 And I'm like, is this the first step?
01:52:30.000 Not just for a treatment that isn't radiation or...
01:52:37.000 Come on now.
01:52:38.000 Pharmaceutical-based?
01:52:39.000 Yeah.
01:52:40.000 Chemo?
01:52:41.000 Chemo, chemo, chemo.
01:52:42.000 But actually, you know, a treatment that doesn't fuck you up and puts you in recession.
01:52:50.000 They're like, we're looking at the first step towards a cure.
01:52:53.000 So this is the biggest story I've ever worked on.
01:52:54.000 Or the opening scene in 28 Days Later.
01:53:00.000 Oh, yeah, right, right.
01:53:01.000 The zombie movie.
01:53:02.000 Right, right, right.
01:53:03.000 Well, they actually, so they re-engineer the virus.
01:53:07.000 The virus, for example, the measles virus actually comes from 1953, and it's the kid whose throat culture they took that we've been using as a measles virus for the last however long.
01:53:20.000 These guys in Houston are using a cold virus, which we're all immune to.
01:53:23.000 The HIV one, they actually reprogram so that it doesn't eat our T cells.
01:53:30.000 But what's incredibly interesting about that is these guys figured out that what happened was cancer puts our immune system to sleep.
01:53:41.000 And so that viruses activate our immune system.
01:53:44.000 So the virus just goes into the cancer, says here it is, and then the immune system goes and eats it. 0.99
01:53:50.000 So for the past six months, I've met the top five or six medical teams in the world as they explain this shit to me, and I'm thick as fuck, so I didn't get half of it. 0.97
01:53:58.000 But what's interesting about it is the first step to curing cancer caused by the shit that used to kill us, because measles used to kill like 150 million people a year. 0.99
01:54:09.000 It was the fucking worst thing you could Now the measles brings all the fucking white cells and eats the cancer. 0.99
01:54:16.000 It's absolutely fantastic. 0.99
01:54:18.000 And that's my happy thing before we get drunk on the moonshine.
01:54:21.000 Give me some more of that.
01:54:23.000 Excuse me?
01:54:24.000 That's insane.
01:54:25.000 Yeah. 0.55
01:54:25.000 It makes sense, and it also seems terrifying because if they fucked that up, then you got some crazy measles. 0.55
01:54:30.000 Well, they go through incredible protocols, and I wish I could have shown you the stuff, but I'm covered in NBCW suits and shit. 0.87
01:54:36.000 They go through very, and the, you know, they're making sure that the viruses are done in the correct way and stuff.
01:54:43.000 But I've got to say, oh yeah, but how it all happens is, they're like, it happened by a mistake. 0.97
01:54:50.000 Like, it happened by like, oh, this fucking, we're working on HIV, that thing actually eats cancer. 0.94
01:54:57.000 You know, and I think that, you know, when I look at stuff, I'm like, we can solve these problems. 0.99
01:55:04.000 We can fix these problems. 0.99
01:55:06.000 When we get on here, we're always like, wow, fucking Russia is this and ISIS is this. 0.99
01:55:11.000 We can fix the problems. 0.99
01:55:13.000 We just have to put people on it.
01:55:15.000 Larry Page always says, the guy who runs Google, is always like, that's a zero million dollar problem.
01:55:21.000 Meaning it's a problem only if you put zero million dollars into it.
01:55:24.000 You put a couple million dollars in it, guess what? 1.00
01:55:26.000 You solve the fucking problem. 1.00
01:55:27.000 Zero million dollar problem. 1.00
01:55:28.000 Yeah.
01:55:31.000 There's a lot of those.
01:55:32.000 Do those exist on purpose?
01:55:34.000 And I don't mean on purpose meaning there's some sort of a grand scheme, sort of an overlying conspiracy to the way the world runs.
01:55:43.000 But I often wonder the way people behave, even the way you see people behave when they know they're in a relationship where their husband's never going to leave or their wife is never going to leave or they know they're in a job.
01:55:57.000 Like, there's certain college professors when they get tenure.
01:56:00.000 Become preposterous human beings.
01:56:03.000 And one of the reasons is that they can't get fired. 0.97
01:56:06.000 They have this really ridiculous power, and people tend, when they have power, to explore the limits of it.
01:56:13.000 It's almost inherent.
01:56:14.000 I've been listening to the last, and this is like maybe the fourth or fifth time in just the last year that I've listened to this Dan Carlin series on the Mongols.
01:56:23.000 It's Wrath of the Khans. 0.93
01:56:27.000 I'm going to check it out because I'm fascinated.
01:56:30.000 Dan Carlin's podcast is the greatest podcast the world has ever known.
01:56:33.000 It shouldn't be called a podcast because it's too good.
01:56:37.000 I'm going to check it out.
01:56:38.000 It's essentially a dramatic version of history, and not just the Mongols, but everything from World War I. There's so much shit that this guy covers in such an incredible dramatic fashion. 0.96
01:56:49.000 As I'm listening to these tales of carnage and conquest, I'm wondering, what the fuck is it that compels people to operate in this way? 1.00
01:56:59.000 What is it about someone who gets in power and abuses that power, whether it's a priest or whether it's a politician or a police officer? 0.98
01:57:08.000 Great question. 0.99
01:57:09.000 What the fuck is it? 0.99
01:57:10.000 Like, is it just something that, like, ingrained in us to resist, like, to have the strength to resist opposition so that when the opposition isn't there and you have ultimate power, you spool up your power to ultimately resist opposition again. 0.99
01:57:27.000 It's like you gather up your resources when you have control.
01:57:30.000 We live to fight, yeah.
01:57:31.000 I mean, it almost seems like this weird sort of cyclical thing that's very difficult to escape.
01:57:38.000 Yes.
01:57:39.000 Very, very difficult to escape.
01:57:40.000 And I think that's the one thing that troubles most of us.
01:57:44.000 Most of us rational thinking people who live in urban environments who don't have to worry about anything other than like normal petty bullshit, the occasional crime. 0.99
01:57:52.000 What we're worried about is like, what the fuck is going on in... 0.99
01:57:56.000 The Congo. 1.00
01:57:57.000 What the fuck is going on in Afghanistan? 1.00
01:57:59.000 What the fuck is going on in Crimea? 1.00
01:58:02.000 What are these worlds that we don't ever want to see in fucking Tribeca? 1.00
01:58:08.000 What are these worlds that we see? 0.99
01:58:11.000 Well...
01:58:13.000 Right?
01:58:14.000 We're on the right page at the right time.
01:58:17.000 I'm just going to give you one anecdote of exactly that.
01:58:20.000 Which is, I believe we're sort of the same kind of guy.
01:58:24.000 We grew up in the same era. 1.00
01:58:25.000 I'm way different than you, bitch. 1.00
01:58:27.000 Settle down. 1.00
01:58:28.000 Well, you're way tougher and stronger.
01:58:30.000 No.
01:58:30.000 You're way more bold.
01:58:31.000 Anyway. 1.00
01:58:32.000 You're a fucking world traveler. 1.00
01:58:33.000 I'm an occasional dipper. 1.00
01:58:36.000 I still am going to take you to find...
01:58:38.000 By the way, remember one of the last times I was on here, I was like, we should go to Liberia to find the AIDS island of the monkeys. 0.98
01:58:44.000 Guess what happened?
01:58:46.000 Ebola.
01:58:46.000 So it's a good thing we didn't go.
01:58:47.000 There's no more AIDS? Ebola eats AIDS. Maybe we need Ebola.
01:58:51.000 Ebola eats everything.
01:58:52.000 Or maybe we need AIDS to eat AIDS. I'm really not worried about AIDS. I'm going to tell you that.
01:58:56.000 I'm worried about Ebola.
01:58:57.000 I was worried about it.
01:58:58.000 I'm not even worried about Ebola.
01:58:59.000 I'm worried about the flu.
01:59:00.000 You know why? 1.00
01:59:01.000 Because the flu kills more people than Ebola every fucking year. 0.99
01:59:04.000 Not really. 0.99
01:59:04.000 Number one killer before World War I was the flu. 0.99
01:59:07.000 You know what the number one killer almost universally the entire history of the human race is?
01:59:12.000 Death.
01:59:13.000 Malaria.
01:59:14.000 Malaria has killed, and old age is 100%. 1.00
01:59:17.000 I'm at midnight of my ecological, environmental, and whatever it is, evolutionary clock, so I'm fucked. 0.99
01:59:24.000 But if I could just... 0.96
01:59:27.000 But hold on, but you brought up an amazing point, and I just...
01:59:30.000 Because I had to deal with this recently, and it was a big...
01:59:33.000 Wait till you sober up and listen to the podcast before you make that statement. 0.99
01:59:36.000 It was a big epiphany for me when I said, I have a penis. 1.00
01:59:40.000 No... 1.00
01:59:41.000 It was, I woke up one night and, you know, I used to sleep fucking, you know, 12 hours a night. 0.97
01:59:48.000 Now I wake up, I don't know why. 0.96
01:59:50.000 But I woke up, and it was my daughter's first day of school, right?
01:59:54.000 And so, you know, I got to take my daughter to the first day of school. 0.99
01:59:56.000 And I was thinking about school, and I'd always been like, you know, I went to sort of public school, rough schools, and I think that's where I got to where I am, because school is just bullshit. 0.95
02:00:06.000 It's a curriculum everywhere you go. 0.96
02:00:08.000 But you learn the pecking order. 1.00
02:00:10.000 You learn a lot of other shit besides fucking one plus one equals two. 0.99
02:00:14.000 You learn where you are and what you do, and you learn how to fight. 1.00
02:00:17.000 You learn how to not fight.
02:00:18.000 You do whatever you want.
02:00:19.000 In any case, so I was thinking a lot about my daughter going to school because she has a different life than me.
02:00:23.000 Because I grew up poor and she has a different life than me. 0.97
02:00:27.000 And then I was thinking, you know, my daughter now is about to go to school for 25 fucking years. 0.99
02:00:32.000 You go to school for 25 years. 0.99
02:00:34.000 Why?
02:00:35.000 Because you want to have a career.
02:00:36.000 What's a career?
02:00:37.000 Well, a career hopefully...
02:00:39.000 Is something that you like doing, and you make some money, and maybe you make a difference, or at least you convince yourself you make a difference. 0.73
02:00:46.000 And, you know, you make enough money to maybe buy a house, and maybe you can retire somewhere warm, because fucking cold makes your arthritis ache.
02:00:54.000 I'm literally thinking about, like, life, you know? 0.99
02:00:56.000 Because, you know, like, I went to school, and then I worked, and then you got a career, and then you tried this, and you did all this shit. 0.98
02:01:04.000 And I've been at war, I realize. 0.98
02:01:05.000 I've been at war since I was five years old. 0.99
02:01:07.000 I fought every kid in the schoolyard, and then I tried to get fucking this, and I tried to play football and whatever the fuck else. 0.99
02:01:14.000 I was always at war. 0.99
02:01:15.000 I was at war with my brother.
02:01:17.000 We fought every day of our lives.
02:01:19.000 And when I got out of school, I started a company.
02:01:22.000 That company, I was always at war, right?
02:01:24.000 All of a sudden, I woke up one day, okay?
02:01:28.000 I went to school.
02:01:29.000 I got my career.
02:01:31.000 I got to work with my best friends.
02:01:33.000 I became a billionaire, right?
02:01:35.000 Doesn't happen.
02:01:35.000 I got the A+. I got the fucking A+. And I'm sitting there going, okay, I don't have to go to school anymore.
02:01:43.000 I don't have to work anymore.
02:01:44.000 I don't have anything to do anymore. 1.00
02:01:46.000 I can move to fucking my private island, put my Amadeus wig on, put the fucking ponytail butt plug up the ass and ride my fucking horse into the sunset. 1.00
02:01:55.000 Shit just got real. 1.00
02:01:56.000 Now, why are you getting up in the morning? 1.00
02:02:00.000 What do you have to fucking do? 0.99
02:02:01.000 Why are you doing it? 1.00
02:02:02.000 Now look at you. 1.00
02:02:03.000 You are a fucking big star on TV. You're the number of fucking voice of the MMA. You got a huge comedy career going on. 1.00
02:02:11.000 You do whatever the fuck you want to do. 0.99
02:02:13.000 You're done. 1.00
02:02:13.000 You won. 1.00
02:02:14.000 You won.
02:02:14.000 You got an A+. In the game of life, you got an A+. I got an A+. Guess what?
02:02:19.000 I don't have to do anything.
02:02:19.000 I have no more chips on my shoulder.
02:02:22.000 I have no more demons to exercise. 0.99
02:02:24.000 What the fuck gets me up in the morning? 0.99
02:02:27.000 Right? 1.00
02:02:28.000 And then I said, you know what gets me up in the fucking morning? 0.99
02:02:32.000 Fun. 1.00
02:02:33.000 Doing this shit with you. 1.00
02:02:35.000 Going out there and saying, hey everybody, you can listen to me or not, but Antarctica's fucking melting. 1.00
02:02:42.000 And if I don't say something about that, then I can't look my daughter in the eye when I figure her Kraft macaroni and cheese would be burger. 1.00
02:02:49.000 I think that shit's good for you. 0.99
02:02:50.000 It isn't... 1.00
02:02:51.000 Shouldn't give that to your kids. 0.86
02:02:53.000 Your kids should be all organic.
02:02:55.000 I eat most of it. 1.00
02:02:57.000 But I can't look my fucking kids in the face unless I say, guess what? 1.00
02:03:03.000 We gotta fix Washington. 1.00
02:03:05.000 It doesn't work. 1.00
02:03:06.000 We have to fucking do something about global warming or we're all fucked. 0.99
02:03:11.000 Now, me and you, we're still gonna be okay. 0.99
02:03:14.000 We'll be alright because...
02:03:15.000 Much longer to live.
02:03:17.000 But our kids, and by the way, and I love your kids, and you have beautiful kids, and I have beautiful kids, and I love our kids. 0.95
02:03:25.000 I don't give a fuck about me. 0.95
02:03:26.000 I had a lot of fun. 1.00
02:03:27.000 I did a lot of coke and drank a lot of booze and had a lot of sex and all that shit. 0.99
02:03:32.000 But you're like, guess what? 1.00
02:03:34.000 And so at this point, you're like, I can either ride off into the sunset And say, fuck it, I'll sit on an island beach and I'll drink fucking mezcal every day. 1.00
02:03:44.000 Or you can go out there and say, no matter what, I'm going to kick against the pricks. 0.99
02:03:48.000 I'm going to say, this ain't fucking right. 1.00
02:03:50.000 By the way, what you're saying is bullshit. 1.00
02:03:52.000 I'm going to go talk. 1.00
02:03:53.000 By the way, I'm going to go interview Putin.
02:03:55.000 I'm going to interview Putin. 1.00
02:03:56.000 I'm going to say, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99
02:03:58.000 And by the way, guess who I'm interviewing after Putin? 1.00
02:04:00.000 I'm interviewing Obama. 0.99
02:04:01.000 And I'm going to say, what the fuck's going on? 0.99
02:04:03.000 Why? 1.00
02:04:04.000 Because why the fuck not? 0.98
02:04:06.000 And that's why I always get excited about coming on this show, is because this show is Democracy in Action. 0.99
02:04:12.000 You have millions of fucking people listening, and guess what? 0.99
02:04:16.000 Unless we say something, unless we wake up from our Valium and booze-induced stupor, nothing's gonna fucking happen. 1.00
02:04:25.000 So why the fuck are you doing it? 0.99
02:04:27.000 That's the question you should ask yourself in 2015. Not am I going to lose weight. 0.99
02:04:31.000 Not am I going to read more fucking books. 0.99
02:04:33.000 Not am I going to go wear Skechers instead of Nikes. 1.00
02:04:36.000 It should be, why the fuck do I get up in the fucking morning? 0.99
02:04:40.000 And now we're very lucky motherfuckers that we're post-economic and we can fucking say, I'm going to get up in the morning because of this. 0.99
02:04:47.000 I like how the 1% has relabeled themselves post-economic. 0.98
02:04:52.000 Well, I'm the newest of the 1% and I'm giving it all away because I'll tell you one thing. 0.86
02:04:59.000 Money means a fuck of a lot when you don't have it. 0.71
02:05:01.000 My old man told me the only thing that ever made any sense about money. 1.00
02:05:05.000 He said, life is like a shit sandwich. 1.00
02:05:07.000 The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat. 1.00
02:05:09.000 But once you get it, once you get that A +, you just say, fuck it. 1.00
02:05:13.000 You know what I'd like to do? 1.00
02:05:14.000 I would like to buy 20 million acres and say, no one's allowed to fuck with that. 1.00
02:05:17.000 You can't fucking do shit with that fucking land. 1.00
02:05:20.000 I'm just gonna fucking leave it. 1.00
02:05:21.000 Because that's one of the only things you can do. 0.98
02:05:24.000 That's a pure good.
02:05:25.000 Just leave the land. 0.99
02:05:27.000 Don't fucking mine it. 1.00
02:05:28.000 Don't fucking piss in it. 1.00
02:05:29.000 Don't shit in it. 1.00
02:05:30.000 Don't put Joe's Tuna Bards and Tequila Boom Boom Room in there. 1.00
02:05:34.000 Just leave it fucking gorgeous because fucking that's godhead to me is nature. 0.98
02:05:39.000 Well, I think one of the things that's changing in our world is that more people have the ability to communicate. 0.99
02:05:46.000 They might not be able to communicate on the scale that is like a podcast like this, but they have the ability to express themselves to us and maybe, you know, if you were on Twitter or Facebook or you...
02:05:58.000 You ran into them in some form of social media.
02:06:00.000 You might read what they said and take it into account.
02:06:03.000 So something about them trying to express themselves has some sort of a meaning.
02:06:07.000 One of the things that has the most impact for those people is someone who can reach millions of people who represents their point of view.
02:06:16.000 Because most of them feel disenfranchised.
02:06:18.000 It's not happening.
02:06:19.000 There's a guy named Brian Stan.
02:06:21.000 He was on my podcast this week.
02:06:22.000 He can win.
02:06:22.000 I can't.
02:06:23.000 I don't have skeletons.
02:06:24.000 I got graveyards.
02:06:25.000 This guy, I'm pretty sure...
02:06:27.000 If you have graveyards, I have concentration camps.
02:06:30.000 We're all good.
02:06:31.000 You should run.
02:06:32.000 No, but you should run, dude.
02:06:34.000 I'll be your press secretary.
02:06:37.000 I'll be your press secretary.
02:06:38.000 To warm up for my workouts.
02:06:40.000 I'm not into one.
02:06:41.000 I would say...
02:06:43.000 To everybody out there that Joe Rogan would be the greatest political candidate. 0.98
02:06:47.000 No, no, I'd be terrible because I have other shit I want to do. 0.81
02:06:50.000 I'm not gonna stop commentating for the UFC. I love that. 0.69
02:06:52.000 I'm not gonna stop doing stand-up.
02:06:53.000 I love that.
02:06:54.000 I'm not gonna stop podcasting.
02:06:55.000 I'm not gonna stop hanging out with my kids and taking care of my family.
02:06:59.000 Where's my time?
02:07:01.000 It doesn't exist.
02:07:03.000 But this is just, it's not just as good as being a president, but it's as far as like what I can do with who I am and what personality I've sort of developed along this path of life. 0.96
02:07:15.000 If I wasn't me and I saw me and I said, hey man, you should talk about this shit because this is kind of weird. 0.99
02:07:21.000 This is kind of fucked up. 0.99
02:07:23.000 My obligation is to do that. 1.00
02:07:24.000 And your obligation is to do that as well.
02:07:26.000 And I think that's what you're saying.
02:07:28.000 I used to play pool to a degenerate level.
02:07:32.000 Professional.
02:07:33.000 Well, I never played professional, but I played in some pro time.
02:07:35.000 You were good.
02:07:36.000 You were good.
02:07:37.000 I wasn't good compared to people that were good. 1.00
02:07:39.000 Shut up. 0.99
02:07:40.000 I know you were good. 1.00
02:07:41.000 You played with me.
02:07:43.000 The people that are really good at pool, almost universally, they're gamblers.
02:07:47.000 Almost universally.
02:07:49.000 There's a few guys in Europe, but the American players, almost all of them, what they call match-up.
02:07:55.000 And the guys who are the best, they always look at pool as...
02:08:00.000 The ultimate thing is winning.
02:08:02.000 And what money is, is just fun coupons.
02:08:06.000 They're just pool coupons.
02:08:07.000 You pass those back and forth.
02:08:08.000 You don't worry about the money.
02:08:10.000 You're not trying to accumulate money.
02:08:11.000 What you're trying to do is win the big score over and over and over again.
02:08:14.000 I worried about money a lot because I left home at 14 and I was broke and I worried about it a lot.
02:08:19.000 You left home at 14?
02:08:20.000 At 14. What did you do when you left home?
02:08:24.000 I was a bad guy.
02:08:25.000 How bad?
02:08:26.000 Fairly.
02:08:26.000 Medium, no.
02:08:27.000 Medium guy.
02:08:28.000 I was medium bad because you can't be that bad in Ottawa, Canada, but I was as bad as it gets.
02:08:35.000 But I gotta say, like...
02:08:37.000 You know, money consumed me for a long time, A. And B, I had a big old chip on my shoulder.
02:08:44.000 I would say what fueled me for 75% of my life was spite. 0.99
02:08:51.000 Because I would say, I'm going to fucking do this. 1.00
02:08:54.000 And they'd roll their eyes and say, Shane, you're a fucking arsehole. 1.00
02:08:56.000 Shane, you're bullshit or whatever. 1.00
02:08:58.000 And like, just recently, I'm gonna launch a news network, and they're like, oh, fuck Shane, you piece of shit, fuck you. 1.00
02:09:03.000 The same family? 1.00
02:09:05.000 No, my family.
02:09:06.000 Your family?
02:09:07.000 My family's awesome.
02:09:08.000 They haven't...
02:09:09.000 Not your family.
02:09:10.000 No, no, I'm just saying people.
02:09:11.000 People in the world.
02:09:12.000 Sorry, sorry.
02:09:12.000 Okay, I'm confused.
02:09:13.000 You left, but you left your family when you were 14. Yeah, but not because they were mean or shitty. 0.88
02:09:18.000 Because you were crazy. 0.99
02:09:18.000 Yeah, I was old. 0.99
02:09:20.000 But you were only 14. Yeah, but I was the same height I am now.
02:09:24.000 I looked old.
02:09:25.000 I was working as a bartender. 0.99
02:09:26.000 I was screwing chicks. 1.00
02:09:29.000 Older than me, I was getting drunk. 0.94
02:09:31.000 You were a bartender at 14?
02:09:32.000 14. Well, this is Canada, too, back in the fucking day when it was like, alright, who gives a fuck? 1.00
02:09:38.000 I was a punk kid. 0.99
02:09:39.000 By the way, I had a great time.
02:09:43.000 Bartending at 14?
02:09:44.000 Yeah, and slinging coke and stuff.
02:09:46.000 But the thing is, is like...
02:09:47.000 Wait a minute, you slung coke at 14?
02:09:49.000 Yeah.
02:09:51.000 But when don't you sling coke at 14?
02:09:55.000 Do you know how funny that is?
02:09:56.000 You're like, yeah. 0.98
02:09:57.000 Well, I learned all my business acumen being a drug dealer because it's pretty fucking simple. 0.81
02:10:02.000 You have to make a margin and you have to do this and you have to mitigate risk and all this stuff.
02:10:06.000 And then I went to Eastern Europe and I sold money, bought and sold money because you can make money, a lot of money on arbitrage.
02:10:13.000 Right?
02:10:13.000 So the thing is, is Money was outsized for me for a long time.
02:10:21.000 It was a monkey on my back and And success was based on money or whatever. 0.99
02:10:27.000 Now, the most arrogant fucking thing in the world you can say is, I don't give a fuck about money, right? 0.99
02:10:33.000 Because guess what? 1.00
02:10:34.000 Everybody gives a fuck about money because that's how you eat. 0.98
02:10:37.000 But the one thing, and it was Spike Jonze, actually, we go away every once in a while. 0.99
02:10:42.000 We go to the top of the mountain. 1.00
02:10:43.000 We fucking talk about shit. 1.00
02:10:45.000 And he was like, you're too concerned about money. 1.00
02:10:47.000 Because I'm literally a poor guy who is concerned about money. 0.99
02:10:51.000 And he's literally a guy who never gives a fuck about money. 0.93
02:10:53.000 And that's why he's more successful than I am. 0.98
02:10:55.000 Wait, wait, whoa, whoa.
02:10:56.000 Did you say guy's more successful than you after you said you're a billionaire? 1.00
02:11:00.000 Let me tell you something about anybody richer than a billionaire can go fuck themselves, okay? 1.00
02:11:05.000 That guy's an asshole. 1.00
02:11:06.000 I'm going to tell you something about being a billionaire. 1.00
02:11:08.000 A billionaire doesn't mean anything.
02:11:10.000 Because guess what?
02:11:11.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
02:11:12.000 I'm going to tell you something. 1.00
02:11:13.000 That's a bunch of horse shit. 1.00
02:11:14.000 I'll tell you why. 1.00
02:11:14.000 But hold on. 1.00
02:11:15.000 Because I'm going to give it all...
02:11:16.000 I'm not going to give it all away.
02:11:17.000 I'm going to buy a bunch of land because I believe in nature.
02:11:20.000 And make people compete for it.
02:11:20.000 I love nature.
02:11:21.000 Yeah, and die.
02:11:23.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:11:23.000 No, and I'm just going to leave it. 0.98
02:11:25.000 That's why we're friends.
02:11:25.000 That's going to be my thing.
02:11:27.000 But what I will say is, it's true, it's true, money won't buy you happiness, but guess what? 0.99
02:11:33.000 Your family not having to worry about where the next rent check's coming from, you know, being able to fucking feed your kids, all that shit, that is important. 0.98
02:11:42.000 Incredibly important. 0.99
02:11:43.000 It takes the stress away. 0.99
02:11:44.000 But more importantly, it goes, okay, now, take all that shit out of the equation, what the fuck are you going to do today? 1.00
02:11:52.000 With everything you know, look at you. 1.00
02:11:52.000 Right? 1.00
02:11:54.000 You're a powerful guy.
02:11:55.000 You got all these people listening to you.
02:11:57.000 What are you going to do?
02:11:57.000 Guess what?
02:11:58.000 Joe Rogan can say, fuck you. 1.00
02:11:59.000 I'm going to drive my fucking car. 1.00
02:12:01.000 I'm going to go bow hunting. 1.00
02:12:02.000 I'm going to fucking go to Vieques and fucking lie on the beach. 1.00
02:12:05.000 What are you doing? 1.00
02:12:06.000 You're fucking sitting here with me doing a back-to-back podcast, talking about shit, challenging people, putting information into people's minds. 1.00
02:12:12.000 I don't have to ever work again. 1.00
02:12:14.000 Why am I sitting here on the fucking Rogan podcast? 0.98
02:12:17.000 I could be doing USA Today. 1.00
02:12:18.000 I could be doing fucking 60 Minutes. 0.97
02:12:20.000 Why am I doing the Rogan podcast? 0.99
02:12:23.000 Anderson Cooper hit on you.
02:12:25.000 That's what I heard. 0.98
02:12:26.000 Because this is important, and we always get to this at the end of the day, is there is a movement of like-minded people who have the A +, who go, I don't give a fuck about the A+. I don't give a fuck about the money. 0.98
02:12:39.000 I don't give a shit about you were the fucking biggest star. 0.99
02:12:42.000 I forget the network, but come on. 0.99
02:12:44.000 What's the network?
02:12:45.000 ABC? CBS? NBC! I wasn't ever the biggest star at NBC by a long shot.
02:12:51.000 Anyway, the thing about it is, what are you doing now?
02:12:53.000 Hold on.
02:12:53.000 You're literally...
02:12:54.000 You're literally spending your own fucking money to have shitheads like me come on here and talk to people. 1.00
02:13:00.000 I know every time we get drunk, which I am now, I get all boozed up and say this. 1.00
02:13:04.000 But this is democracy in action.
02:13:06.000 This is important. 0.99
02:13:07.000 And by the way, you took your A-plus and said, I'm going to do my own thing, bitch. 1.00
02:13:11.000 I took my A-plus and said, I'm going to do my own thing, bitch. 1.00
02:13:14.000 We're not Brad Pitt or George Clooney accepting our Golden Globe Lifetime Achievement Award, but guess what? 0.99
02:13:20.000 Millions of people are saying, hey, how the fuck can we change the shit that you're talking about on The Rogan Show? 0.99
02:13:24.000 This is the thing that people like least about us when we're drunk. 1.00
02:13:27.000 We just compliment each other.
02:13:29.000 I hate Joe Rogan. 1.00
02:13:31.000 Joe Rogan sucks shit. 1.00
02:13:33.000 Stop sucking each other off. 1.00
02:13:36.000 I've got to say, if Joe Rogan and I don't get along, then the world will end. 0.99
02:13:41.000 We'll be fine.
02:13:42.000 We'll all be fine.
02:13:43.000 As I've gotten older, one of the things that I've really come to grips with in this really strange way is that for this brief glimpse that we're awake and alive, we're really just a blip in this infinite number of blips.
02:13:59.000 And what I... Everybody worries about their own finite nature.
02:14:04.000 It's one of the things that troubles all of us, and I'm one of those people.
02:14:08.000 It's impossible to avoid.
02:14:10.000 I think anybody that's not troubled by the idea that you only have a certain amount of days and hours and minutes on this earth before eventually this vehicle shuts down and stops working.
02:14:21.000 What are the things that are important to you while you're here?
02:14:25.000 And what's important to you while you're here is trying to spread what I would call harmony.
02:14:30.000 What I would try to call this community.
02:14:34.000 Communion with each other.
02:14:35.000 The ability to develop really honest, friendly relationships.
02:14:40.000 And I think a lot of what we have, whether it's issues with I think a lot of the issues that we have across the board with human beings with various ideologies is a lack of communication, a lack of understanding that at the end of the day we're like each other more than we're different and what separates us and what you're talking about and the good thing about having financial independence is that once you have financial independence It releases you
02:15:11.000 in a way that's indescribable to people that are caught up in the constant, very common web of...
02:15:20.000 It's hard.
02:15:20.000 Existence.
02:15:22.000 I had a development deal when I was 26 years old, and I got a development deal to come to California and do this television show.
02:15:29.000 And when I got a check, and it was for like $150,000 or something along those lines.
02:15:36.000 And immediately, it was like the whole world just...
02:15:40.000 Just relaxed.
02:15:41.000 Like, I knew, you know, my rent was like $600 or something like that.
02:15:44.000 I knew I could pay my rent now.
02:15:46.000 I knew I could eat now.
02:15:48.000 I knew I made $500 in the average week doing stand-up.
02:15:53.000 I knew I could eat.
02:15:54.000 I could pay my rent.
02:15:55.000 I could eat.
02:15:56.000 And it was like this, whoa. 0.96
02:15:57.000 And I remember sitting in my shitty apartment in New Rochelle, New York. 0.86
02:16:01.000 And I had this weird epiphany when that happened. 0.60
02:16:04.000 I was like, whoa, this is like the biggest relief I've ever had in my life.
02:16:08.000 I'm not rich by anybody's standards, but all of a sudden, now I'm slightly ahead of the run.
02:16:15.000 And I can stop, and I can look at the struggle behind me, and I'm like, oh, we're caught up in the momentum of debt.
02:16:24.000 We're caught up in the momentum of stress.
02:16:26.000 We're caught up in the momentum of having to...
02:16:28.000 Every week.
02:16:29.000 This and that.
02:16:30.000 Every week.
02:16:30.000 Worry about, they're going to shut my lights out.
02:16:32.000 Oh, my cable bill. 1.00
02:16:33.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:16:34.000 And writing checks and all that stupid shit that people do all day. 1.00
02:16:38.000 And as soon as you can step away from that, then you start to look at your life and going like, is my life like this? 1.00
02:16:44.000 Just constant worry about this impending tide of bills and pushing them back?
02:16:50.000 Yes.
02:16:52.000 So, the one thing, the responsibility that I think a person like you has, or a person like I have, is that once you are slightly ahead of that wave, to let people know what it's like.
02:17:03.000 Let people know what's going on up here.
02:17:05.000 And also let people know, like, you're being misled.
02:17:07.000 This doesn't last forever.
02:17:09.000 You're being misled.
02:17:09.000 That's the whole thing.
02:17:10.000 Not only are you being misled, because we're all being misled.
02:17:12.000 We're being misled each other.
02:17:14.000 What you're saying is 100% right.
02:17:15.000 I was so caught up in... 0.94
02:17:18.000 Bills and money and buying shit and not buying shit and being broke for so long that I got consumed about cash. 0.96
02:17:27.000 And you're exactly right. 0.98
02:17:28.000 When you have this, it could be 100 grand, it could be whatever, it could be Vegas, it doesn't matter what it is.
02:17:34.000 But you get it and then you go...
02:17:36.000 Oh, all that time I spent worrying about it.
02:17:39.000 All that time I was freaked out.
02:17:41.000 All that time...
02:17:42.000 Like, it's just a construct.
02:17:44.000 We make it up. 1.00
02:17:46.000 Money is just a bunch of fucking computer fucking blips on the screen. 1.00
02:17:51.000 And then when you get it, you realize... 1.00
02:17:53.000 And this is... 1.00
02:17:54.000 I know how arrogant it is to say, but at the same time, you're like, fuck... 1.00
02:18:03.000 Like, all that time, because I'm stupid, all that time I was trying to chase the money, I should have been trying to chase something else. 1.00
02:18:13.000 I don't know. 0.98
02:18:14.000 But hold on, I'll tell you what I mean.
02:18:17.000 Because, you know, Spike Jonze, who I love more than anything... 0.97
02:18:22.000 You know, he made Adaptation, being John Malkovich, every fucking award-winning music video, every award-winning fucking commercial. 0.96
02:18:30.000 Not everyone. 0.97
02:18:32.000 Most.
02:18:32.000 Did he make Thriller?
02:18:33.000 Most.
02:18:35.000 In any case, what was I doing?
02:18:37.000 I was trying to make money.
02:18:39.000 We actually won one of our Go to the Mountain things.
02:18:42.000 It was like...
02:18:42.000 Take money out of the equation.
02:18:44.000 What would you be doing?
02:18:45.000 And you know what? 0.97
02:18:45.000 I said, I'd be doing news because that's the only shit that I really like doing anymore. 0.97
02:18:49.000 Guess what I did after that? 0.92
02:18:50.000 I started a news channel. 1.00
02:18:53.000 And news is stupid. 1.00
02:18:54.000 You can't make money. 1.00
02:18:56.000 It's not going to work.
02:18:56.000 You can't do things.
02:18:57.000 You can't start a new news channel. 0.99
02:18:58.000 We're the fastest growing news channel in the fucking world, Joe. 0.98
02:19:02.000 Yeah, but why does everybody say you can't make money in the news? 1.00
02:19:05.000 Because everyone's dumb! 0.97
02:19:07.000 And everyone will tell you you can't do something. 0.99
02:19:09.000 We've talked about this before.
02:19:11.000 Everyone will tell you you can't do something until you do it, and then they'll say, I always knew you could do it.
02:19:15.000 But the thing is, because it's difficult to do, we're bigger than NBC and CBS News combined on our online platforms.
02:19:25.000 Viewership.
02:19:25.000 We're the largest and fastest growing news agency in the world.
02:19:29.000 Everyone told me I would fail.
02:19:30.000 Every single person without exception told me I would fail. 0.96
02:19:35.000 The reason why we didn't is because everyone's doing such a shitty job. 0.97
02:19:38.000 We're tallest of the midgets. 0.92
02:19:39.000 But I will say this about Spike. 0.88
02:19:40.000 He said, take money out of the equation.
02:19:43.000 I said, I'm going to do news.
02:19:43.000 What would you do?
02:19:45.000 He goes, if that's what's going to get you up in the morning, go do fucking news and tell everyone else to go to hell. 1.00
02:19:50.000 Which is what I've been doing. 1.00
02:19:51.000 Which is why we've been getting in a little bit of trouble.
02:19:53.000 Because now everyone's like, I like Vice News and I don't like the other Vice anymore.
02:19:56.000 But there you go.
02:19:57.000 People like Vice News but they don't like the other Vice?
02:19:59.000 Well, because Vice, when we came up, was like poo-poo cacking, crazy Vice, you know. 1.00
02:20:06.000 General butt naked, that kind of shit. 1.00
02:20:07.000 Yeah, but now news became so big overnight. 1.00
02:20:12.000 Vice News and Vice are now fighting each other for being how big they are. 0.99
02:20:16.000 And so now people are like, I want to see Pupu Kaka and the Bum Bums or I don't want to see your music shit or your travel shit. 0.99
02:20:22.000 And I'm like, well then just turn it into Vice News, don't turn it into the other shit. 0.98
02:20:26.000 But the fact is this news became so fucking big that it's now coloring the rest of the brand because the rest of the brand used to be It used to be everything. 0.99
02:20:35.000 And now everybody just wants fucking news. 0.99
02:20:37.000 Which, by the way, I love news, but I still like all the other shit too. 0.99
02:20:41.000 You know what the problem is? 0.99
02:20:42.000 It's not even everybody that's complaining.
02:20:44.000 That's not really the problem.
02:20:45.000 The problem is access.
02:20:46.000 The problem is you shouldn't have 300 million in America plus worldwide have access to just throw Twitter comments up and...
02:20:53.000 And Facebook comments and YouTube comments, because even though it's not bad, it's not bad.
02:20:59.000 But it's overwhelming in the sense that it's very, very difficult to manage.
02:21:03.000 It's almost impossible to manage those numbers.
02:21:06.000 So you're going to get people that complain.
02:21:08.000 Some of their complaints are legitimate, and some of their complaints are just to get your attention. 0.98
02:21:13.000 And the best way to get your attention is to tell you you're shitting the bed. 1.00
02:21:16.000 You're fucking up. 1.00
02:21:17.000 You're doing badly. 1.00
02:21:19.000 You're disappointing them.
02:21:20.000 It's not as good as the old vice.
02:21:22.000 The old vice was better.
02:21:23.000 I'll tell you two things about that and that's exactly right. 1.00
02:21:26.000 People are fucking crazy, Shane Smith! 0.99
02:21:28.000 No, but I'll tell you two things about that. 1.00
02:21:30.000 I'll get a hundred things saying you're changing the world, you're changing news, and one thing saying you fucking cocksucker. 1.00
02:21:36.000 I'm like, cocksucker? 1.00
02:21:37.000 I'll fucking meet you at 59th and 7th. 1.00
02:21:40.000 I'll kick your ass. 1.00
02:21:41.000 So A, B, and this hits on, well, I don't know about you, but about me and my life, is that you sit there and you say, you know... 1.00
02:21:55.000 I had a small company before and it was 10 people in a room and you're like, Joe, you got the fucking photo and fucking Ted, do you have the thing? 0.96
02:22:05.000 And fucking Rosalie, do you know? 1.00
02:22:07.000 And now we're doing something on the order of 14,000 posts a day. 1.00
02:22:12.000 And everyone's like, Shane, did you fucking see what fucking Weiss Bulgaria put up and that goddamn bullshit? 1.00
02:22:18.000 And Germany just said that this and that and whatever else. 1.00
02:22:21.000 And you're like, I'm sorry, but I'm lucky if I see seven posts a day and we do 14,000.
02:22:27.000 And that's the problem with running something is that you go...
02:22:32.000 When it was just me, it's easy. 0.89
02:22:35.000 When it becomes, I don't know how many people we even have, 4,000 employees, some shit, you're like doing 14,000 posts. 1.00
02:22:43.000 It sucks. 0.99
02:22:44.000 And I've got to say, like, when it... 1.00
02:22:46.000 When it is just you, it's you.
02:22:48.000 But then it's not Vice.
02:22:51.000 Then it's not a thing.
02:22:52.000 It's just me.
02:22:53.000 And, you know, what I'm trying to do now or what Vice is trying to do now is to have much more of a cohesive point of view.
02:23:03.000 And ironically, how we're going to do that is we're buying TV networks around the world.
02:23:08.000 We're going to make TV shows that then we then push out for the first time ever day and date with With online and mobile.
02:23:16.000 No one's ever done it before.
02:23:18.000 And we believe we'll have the largest audience in the world online, collectively online, mobile and TV. And then the question is, okay, great.
02:23:28.000 What are you going to put in there? 0.99
02:23:30.000 We don't want to put in shit just between the ads. 0.99
02:23:32.000 We're like, okay, who wants... 0.98
02:23:34.000 All of the people, the Spikes and the Harmonies and the Us and whoever else, now we're saying like, We can put whatever the fuck we want out to the largest audience in the world. 1.00
02:23:45.000 We just don't want to put shit out there because why the fuck are we getting out of bed in the morning? 0.97
02:23:50.000 And that is going to be our 2015 and that is why I believe I'm positive. 0.99
02:23:56.000 Because I'm going to give it a shot. 0.97
02:23:58.000 I might fuck up. 0.98
02:23:59.000 I might not do a good job. 0.99
02:24:01.000 But at least I'm going to have that shot and we're going to go out and we're going to try to do something that doesn't suck.
02:24:05.000 Well, there's a bunch of people that will complain about anybody in any position of power that is either above them or has more influence than them.
02:24:12.000 But if there's a person that you would be like, oh, that guy got it?
02:24:19.000 As a person that I would be relaxed in a position to disseminate information, it would be you. 1.00
02:24:24.000 And again, this is more of what most people hate about this show is us sucking each other's dicks. 1.00
02:24:29.000 But you're a genuine gangster. 1.00
02:24:32.000 I know you do all this crazy shit even though you have money and you can do whatever you want. 1.00
02:24:36.000 You don't kowtow and you don't suck up to the corporations. 0.99
02:24:39.000 And as weird as the position that you're in is, I wouldn't want anybody else doing it other than you.
02:24:45.000 Because most people would play it safe.
02:24:48.000 I'm going to say one thing.
02:24:49.000 When we announce anything big, we'll announce it on Joe Rogan.
02:24:53.000 Why?
02:24:54.000 Hold on, why?
02:24:55.000 Because literally, we've said it before, and I would challenge somebody to watch the trajectory of these podcasts, because we're going to launch one of the largest TV networks in the world.
02:25:06.000 We'll launch it on the Joe Rogan show.
02:25:08.000 Why?
02:25:08.000 Why?
02:25:09.000 Because we're the same! 1.00
02:25:11.000 Why the fuck would we launch it on today's show or whatever the fuck it is or who the fuck cares? 0.99
02:25:16.000 And by the way, you only live once. 0.99
02:25:18.000 We work with our friends.
02:25:19.000 We do it with our friends.
02:25:20.000 And by the way, we are the new audience. 0.99
02:25:22.000 And one thing I'd like to say for anyone who gives a shit, because I think for 100 people who say fucking Rogan and Shane doing stuff is good, when people say you're so self-congratulatory, the reason why... 0.98
02:25:34.000 It's because Joe's a real guy. 0.99
02:25:36.000 He's a real fucking dude who came fucking up. 0.99
02:25:39.000 I'm a real guy. 1.00
02:25:40.000 And half of it is us looking around going, can you fucking believe this shit? 1.00
02:25:44.000 Can you believe where we are today? 1.00
02:25:47.000 We're sitting here having a conversation with two mutual fucking dudes we just have anyway. 0.98
02:25:52.000 And millions of people are listening to us and guess what? 0.98
02:25:54.000 We're going to announce fucking the next wave of media in the world together. 0.58
02:25:59.000 Why? 0.95
02:26:00.000 Because we can.
02:26:01.000 And guess what? 1.00
02:26:02.000 If we don't celebrate that we're the first fucking generation that's ever doing that, then we should fuck off. 1.00
02:26:08.000 I'm getting weird signals. 1.00
02:26:08.000 I don't know. 1.00
02:26:11.000 I'm getting fucking weird things. 0.93
02:26:13.000 We went black for a second there on the screen. 0.98
02:26:14.000 Look, look. 0.98
02:26:16.000 Just to be a human being, the fact that you and I are having this conversation, two freakazoids who would never be on anything any fucking other way, even if we get in the shit for it, I'm going to say it every time. 0.84
02:26:29.000 Because if I'm going to ever do anything and announce anything I'm going to do on The Rogan Show, why? 0.99
02:26:34.000 Because Joe Rogan is the fucking man. 0.99
02:26:35.000 And because, guess what? 1.00
02:26:37.000 I love him, and that's all that fucking matters. 0.97
02:26:40.000 I'm trying to avoid this. 0.99
02:26:40.000 We're blowing each other again. 0.99
02:26:41.000 I'm done now.
02:26:42.000 I'm over. 1.00
02:26:43.000 Everyone can fuck off. 1.00
02:26:44.000 The world's about to end. 1.00
02:26:45.000 We're going to be okay.
02:26:45.000 It's not.
02:26:46.000 But I see what you're saying, and it sort of aligns with what I'm saying, is that we find ourselves in very unique positions that we didn't expect to be in.
02:26:57.000 And those positions happened because everything aligned with information.
02:27:03.000 You don't need to do this podcast.
02:27:05.000 You don't need to do this podcast. 0.99
02:27:06.000 Why the fuck do you do this podcast? 0.99
02:27:07.000 I want to have a conversation like this with you. 1.00
02:27:09.000 If you and I had a conversation at a restaurant, it would be 15 to 20 minutes of your insane trips about the world.
02:27:16.000 We would laugh.
02:27:17.000 We would tell jokes. 0.99
02:27:18.000 But there's an awareness of the fact that this is being broadcast that makes us stay on point and focus on some, and occasionally a little dick sucking every now and then. 0.99
02:27:28.000 Hold on. 1.00
02:27:29.000 I don't like that whole dick sucking thing. 1.00
02:27:31.000 Not that I don't like dick sucking. 1.00
02:27:33.000 Criticisms of us online. 1.00
02:27:34.000 But hold on. 0.99
02:27:35.000 I would say the hundred people saying I love the Rogan podcast versus the one dick sucker. 0.87
02:27:42.000 The one thing I would just like to say is what I'm doing is saying that this is the first time in media history where conversations like this can happen. 0.94
02:27:51.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:27:52.000 And I don't think that's fucking dick sucking. 0.99
02:27:54.000 It's because of a lack of censorship and that's one of the most important things about what's going on in France. 1.00
02:27:59.000 There you go.
02:27:59.000 There you go.
02:28:00.000 Exactly.
02:28:01.000 Don't criticize people that you think they got it wrong with their take or their humor, their satire.
02:28:07.000 No, criticize the people that are trying to silence dissent, that are trying to silence other people's criticism, satire.
02:28:14.000 Criticize those people.
02:28:16.000 Don't criticize the people that were making cartoons. 1.00
02:28:18.000 Also, we should celebrate the fact that two motherfuckers can sit there and go out there and say whatever the fuck they want. 1.00
02:28:23.000 And people can listen or not listen. 1.00
02:28:25.000 And it's never happened before.
02:28:27.000 This is very rare times.
02:28:28.000 It's never happened before.
02:28:29.000 And not only that, anyone can do this.
02:28:30.000 Any guy right now who has an iPhone.
02:28:33.000 I mean, Duncan and I and Ari and I, we've done many podcasts on planes.
02:28:38.000 When we're sitting next to each other, one of us will hold the phone up in between the armrests and we'll just talk and we'll have a podcast on a plane.
02:28:45.000 You know what also the big difference is?
02:28:48.000 Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people are out there.
02:28:52.000 It used to be maybe it's three, four, five, six.
02:28:54.000 This is now a movement. 0.98
02:28:56.000 And that's why, like, whenever I come here, I have to go see fucking Rogan. 0.98
02:29:01.000 Why? 0.98
02:29:02.000 A, we're friends.
02:29:03.000 B, I love your family.
02:29:05.000 C... I don't want to go talk to anybody else.
02:29:09.000 I don't give a fuck about anybody else. 1.00
02:29:11.000 So I'm going to stop with the dick sucking. 0.99
02:29:15.000 But I would like to say this is the celebration of free speech. 0.99
02:29:20.000 And I give you total kudos because you don't have to fucking do this. 0.96
02:29:23.000 You don't have to pay for this place and do all this stuff. 0.97
02:29:25.000 And I'm always blown away that you do and I'll stop there.
02:29:28.000 That's very nice.
02:29:28.000 But I do, because anyone who couldn't but all of a sudden was given the opportunity would.
02:29:34.000 And that's exactly the situation I find myself in.
02:29:37.000 All of it has played out for all of us in a very unique way that none of us could have planned out, including just the average person that is on Facebook or Twitter that sends a message that you respond to or I respond to or anybody, Duncan, or anyone responds to.
02:29:54.000 We're in this weird era of communication that's never existed before.
02:29:54.000 Right.
02:29:57.000 And we're a part of it as much as anyone else.
02:30:00.000 And we're a part of it in that we represent that even though you do make a lot of money or you do pay a lot of taxes, you still are just a regular person.
02:30:11.000 And you will continue to do those stories that you find fascinating and in need of illumination. 0.98
02:30:18.000 All these stories, whether it's your story, you went to North Korea, you were rich as fuck, you didn't have to go there. 0.95
02:30:22.000 You did that because this was compelling and this was also something that you felt like needed to be illuminated. 0.97
02:30:28.000 But you also have to look at you and say, okay, you know, where's everyone else doing that?
02:30:37.000 Where's Brad Pitt or...
02:30:39.000 But he's doing his own thing.
02:30:40.000 I mean, Brad Pitt is like, he adopts a lot of kids.
02:30:43.000 But who's actually paying money out of their own pocket to...
02:30:47.000 To create a studio.
02:30:48.000 To have dialogue.
02:30:50.000 And by the way, I will say this. 0.95
02:30:52.000 The only thing that really fucking matters in this world is dialogue. 1.00
02:30:55.000 We have to talk about shit. 1.00
02:30:57.000 And if we stop talking about shit, we're dead. 1.00
02:31:00.000 And, you know, you might not agree with me. 1.00
02:31:02.000 You might agree with me.
02:31:03.000 Whatever.
02:31:04.000 But at least we can come here. 1.00
02:31:05.000 We can talk about shit. 1.00
02:31:07.000 If you can't talk about shit, we're done. 1.00
02:31:10.000 But the way you're talking, this is what's really important. 0.99
02:31:13.000 And this is what's really resonating with people that are listening to this podcast or watching it.
02:31:18.000 We're talking in a way...
02:31:20.000 I mean, I joked around about Anderson Cooper.
02:31:22.000 He seems like a nice guy. 0.96
02:31:23.000 He's gay. 1.00
02:31:24.000 He's probably been fucked with his whole life. 1.00
02:31:26.000 He's probably fine. 1.00
02:31:27.000 I bet if you sit down with him, he's fine. 1.00
02:31:28.000 I bet a good percentage of the shield he puts up is just to try to keep his job as a gay albino in a fucking white man's world. 1.00
02:31:36.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
02:31:37.000 But the reality is that guy can't do this. 0.98
02:31:40.000 If Shane Smith wants to go out and have his own podcast, and you do it in a sumo diaper, one of those crazy sumo diapers, and you have all these Thai ladyboys around you, and you're drinking fucking drinks with umbrellas in it, and you're smoking big spliffs, 1.00
02:31:56.000 But you're still talking about the world and important points. 0.97
02:31:59.000 People will still listen.
02:32:01.000 You know why?
02:32:02.000 Because you're being what is absolutely 100% lacking in all of corporate controlled media.
02:32:09.000 And that is authentic.
02:32:12.000 I will say this.
02:32:12.000 That's what's missing.
02:32:13.000 I don't know Anderson Cooper and I don't know most of these people.
02:32:16.000 He lives in a firehouse.
02:32:18.000 But what I will say is, and this is a big deal for me anyways, personally, is we were in negotiations with Time Warner and we were in negotiations with a lot of people.
02:32:31.000 And, you know, I could have made a lot of money.
02:32:33.000 But they wanted Anderson Cooper and you to go on a cruise.
02:32:36.000 That would be no problem.
02:32:38.000 I'll go on a cruise with anyone.
02:32:39.000 No.
02:32:41.000 One of the things is everyone wants control.
02:32:45.000 And I fought very hard to keep control.
02:32:48.000 I don't even know why. 0.98
02:32:49.000 Quite frankly, let's be honest, because this goes back to one day you wake up and say, I got the money, I won the game, what the fuck am I doing? 0.93
02:32:57.000 Why am I fighting so hard for control? 0.53
02:32:59.000 I vote 95% of the board on the largest single shareholder advice.
02:33:03.000 Why did I do that?
02:33:05.000 Why didn't I take money off the board and spend it?
02:33:08.000 By the way, I'm not setting myself up.
02:33:10.000 I don't know the answer to that question. 0.98
02:33:12.000 But at least for now, I run fucking Vice. 0.97
02:33:16.000 Now, I don't run it perfectly because a lot of shit gets through that shouldn't get through and a lot of things happen that shouldn't happen because I don't have enough time in the day and there's a bottleneck and I have to get better at that. 0.96
02:33:28.000 But the thing is, I was able to launch... 0.76
02:33:32.000 Vice News by myself.
02:33:34.000 I was able to launch a Vice News.
02:33:36.000 We're up for Peabody's and Pulitzer's.
02:33:37.000 I just won the Knight Foundation Award for Journalism, which is great. 0.99
02:33:43.000 I never even heard of that shit. 0.98
02:33:44.000 If I was at a party and I was trying to talk to a girl, she was like, yeah, I just won the Knight Ward for... 1.00
02:33:51.000 Knight Foundation, cocksucker. 1.00
02:33:53.000 In any case, I'm trying to do a humble brag, but what I'm trying to say is I could do that. 0.99
02:34:01.000 I could say, you know what, I'm going to override my board, I'm going I'm going to override everybody.
02:34:04.000 I'm going to override my investors.
02:34:06.000 And I'm going to invest in news when everyone says you shouldn't because there's no money to be made in news, which is true.
02:34:12.000 But guess what?
02:34:13.000 We did it.
02:34:14.000 Why? 0.98
02:34:14.000 Because it's fucking important. 0.98
02:34:16.000 You're a guy... 1.00
02:34:17.000 You don't have to do any of this shit. 1.00
02:34:18.000 You're in fucking Hollywood. 1.00
02:34:20.000 You're a celebrated motherfucker. 1.00
02:34:21.000 You can come out here and you can not do fucking anything and fucking kill it. 1.00
02:34:24.000 Now, what I'd like to say is... 1.00
02:34:27.000 You got two medium old guys here who like a fucking few drinks. 0.84
02:34:32.000 And by the way, we're regular dudes who just grew up and said, hey, I watched Scooby-Doo when I was young, and then I did this, and then I did that, and now we're just sitting here. 0.96
02:34:39.000 That said, I believe that we're in the majority. 0.97
02:34:42.000 I believe that us and people like us are in the majority, and we look at shit now and say, hold on a second. 1.00
02:34:48.000 All these old motherfuckers are dying off. 1.00
02:34:50.000 We control this country now. 1.00
02:34:52.000 Not only this country, but probably...
02:34:55.000 You know, the West, you know, with our money and with our politics. 0.96
02:34:58.000 Why are we still doing all this shitty stuff? 0.99
02:35:01.000 The only guy that does it week in, week out and says, why are we still doing this shitty stuff is fucking Joe Rogan. 0.99
02:35:08.000 Now, Anderson Cooper, what he does is sits there and says, here's the storm here or whatever there. 0.98
02:35:13.000 He's not a weatherman.
02:35:14.000 He's a weatherman. 1.00
02:35:16.000 So for me, by the way, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you right now, Fox CNN... Up the ass. 1.00
02:35:23.000 And fuck all mainstream media. 1.00
02:35:25.000 Fuck Fox News up the ass. 1.00
02:35:26.000 How rude. 1.00
02:35:27.000 But what I will say is, we'll at least try. 1.00
02:35:30.000 I'm not going to just say fuck CNN and not try to be better than them. 0.99
02:35:34.000 I believe in the first eight months of Vice that we were better than CNN. We're up for all the awards, right? 0.99
02:35:41.000 We are rating better than CNN. And by the way, we're not doing it great.
02:35:46.000 We're not perfect. 0.94
02:35:47.000 We're not fucking doing it great. 0.72
02:35:48.000 But we're going to get there. 0.92
02:35:49.000 Well, you most certainly covered some stories.
02:35:51.000 They didn't. 0.99
02:35:52.000 We fucking broke Ebola. 1.00
02:35:53.000 We broke ISIS. We were the first in Ukraine. 0.99
02:35:56.000 We were the first in Gaza.
02:35:58.000 But guess who? 1.00
02:35:59.000 The fucking people I'm going to go talk about that with is you fuck CNN and fuck 60 Minutes. 1.00
02:36:05.000 They had their television. 1.00
02:36:06.000 This is so rude.
02:36:07.000 I can't be a part of this because I was about to do a deal with Larry King to relaunch Larry King Live.
02:36:14.000 Well, fine.
02:36:14.000 But he's gone.
02:36:16.000 He's going to do his own thing.
02:36:17.000 That's fine.
02:36:18.000 Well, he's on the internet now.
02:36:18.000 He should do his own thing.
02:36:20.000 Isn't he?
02:36:20.000 He's on the internet.
02:36:21.000 He should do his own thing.
02:36:22.000 But if he found out that he gets more views on the internet than he ever did on the internet.
02:36:26.000 He will.
02:36:26.000 But he will, though.
02:36:27.000 Probably.
02:36:28.000 He will.
02:36:28.000 Of course he will.
02:36:29.000 If you just got somebody behind him with some shekels, give him some growth hormone, some testosterone. 1.00
02:36:29.000 Of course. 1.00
02:36:33.000 I would back him except for the fact that he's fucking old as shit. 1.00
02:36:38.000 Hey, easy. 1.00
02:36:39.000 We're all going to be fucking old. 0.99
02:36:41.000 Well, I'm not going to be old, my friend. 0.99
02:36:43.000 But if he was old and he was Timothy Leary, you'd back him.
02:36:45.000 I don't know.
02:36:46.000 I'm not going to be old.
02:36:47.000 You're not going to be old? 0.95
02:36:47.000 Some old gangster. 0.95
02:36:49.000 You think so?
02:36:50.000 Yeah.
02:36:51.000 Don't you think that somewhere along the line science will save you?
02:36:54.000 Science will step in. 1.00
02:36:55.000 I hope the shit they will. 1.00
02:36:56.000 Some sort of liver regeneration pill. 1.00
02:36:57.000 We give Shane a shot and he wakes up. 0.98
02:37:00.000 I did a liver cancer piece and I was like, I will literally give you all my money if you can fucking cure my liver cancer. 0.96
02:37:07.000 Excuse me, I know it's in the mail because I like to drink booze. 0.97
02:37:11.000 And I got to tell you, I like to drink booze.
02:37:12.000 I like to eat food.
02:37:13.000 I like to sleep.
02:37:14.000 I'm a sensualist.
02:37:16.000 Sensualist?
02:37:16.000 You like senses?
02:37:17.000 I like sensual things.
02:37:20.000 Who doesn't? 1.00
02:37:21.000 I want to find that fuck. 1.00
02:37:22.000 Have you ever been experienced? 1.00
02:37:24.000 I want to find that guy who wants to be numb. 1.00
02:37:27.000 He's rubbing lidocaine on his dick all day. 1.00
02:37:29.000 Who's he? 1.00
02:37:30.000 That guy's the mess.
02:37:31.000 You only live once and then you're dead for a long time. 1.00
02:37:33.000 That's what I'm saying, dog. 1.00
02:37:35.000 Fuck all those people that disagree. 1.00
02:37:38.000 Sensory experience is one of the beautiful things about life. 1.00
02:37:40.000 The greatest thing about life is life. 1.00
02:37:42.000 Enjoy your fucking shit, no matter what it is, and then you're gonna be dead for a long time, so just do it. 1.00
02:37:49.000 The older I get, the more I'm just like, I'm gonna enjoy the shit out of this motherfucker. 1.00
02:37:55.000 That's what I'm saying. 1.00
02:37:56.000 Yeah.
02:37:57.000 The older I get, though, the more I realize, like, oh, this is gonna end. 1.00
02:38:00.000 Let's set this goddamn thing on fire and go. 0.99
02:38:03.000 When I was 20, I didn't think it was gonna end. 1.00
02:38:05.000 When I was 30, I was like, this shit's gonna end way in the future. 0.98
02:38:07.000 When I'm 40, I'm like, hey, when does this end? 0.99
02:38:10.000 Now I'm 47, I'm like, um, how much time do I have left?
02:38:13.000 Those are the steps.
02:38:16.000 The immortality of the 20s is staggering to me now.
02:38:21.000 Yeah.
02:38:21.000 Because I used to just think it's all going to go on forever.
02:38:24.000 Well, I have a buddy and he called me once and he goes, you know what's the scariest fucking thing in the world? 0.98
02:38:31.000 Teenage boys. 1.00
02:38:32.000 Oh, fuck you. 1.00
02:38:33.000 And I go, why? 1.00
02:38:34.000 I was the scariest motherfucker. 1.00
02:38:35.000 They don't know. 1.00
02:38:36.000 They don't know they could die.
02:38:36.000 He goes, they don't know.
02:38:37.000 And they want to make a name and they want to fuck shit up and smash shit. 1.00
02:38:41.000 It is true. 1.00
02:38:42.000 And I think that that's one of the weird things about life is that no one comes out of the box with any sort of understanding of what the grand spectrum of this experience is about.
02:38:55.000 The scariest thing in life is teenage boys.
02:38:59.000 Yeah.
02:39:00.000 Done. 1.00
02:39:01.000 Because they don't give a fuck. 1.00
02:39:02.000 I was a teenage boy, and I would fuck the shit up. 1.00
02:39:06.000 And every time I'm in, it doesn't matter if you're in Africa, Afghanistan, whatever, if you see a bunch of teenage kids with guns, you're fucked. 1.00
02:39:12.000 If you see a guy with a gray beard, you're like, I can talk to this guy. 0.99
02:39:15.000 I can talk to this guy.
02:39:17.000 Yeah, no, he's right.
02:39:19.000 The scariest thing in life is teenage boys.
02:39:21.000 That's true.
02:39:35.000 I think?
02:39:47.000 Because of the limited amount of information that you've been exposed to, the limited amount of people that you've met, the limited amount of friends that you've had, you start forming your world.
02:40:01.000 And your world is so small.
02:40:04.000 It's so tiny.
02:40:05.000 But you think, because of the limited amount of experience that you have, you think that this is what's up.
02:40:14.000 California weed.
02:40:15.000 You can live it in New York too long, son.
02:40:18.000 They're all faking out of that.
02:40:19.000 I literally can't talk because Joe Rogan smokes the strongest pot in life.
02:40:24.000 LASpeedweed.com represent.
02:40:26.000 I think that you're exactly right in that. 0.99
02:40:30.000 When I was young, I would tell you I knew what the fuck I was talking about. 0.97
02:40:36.000 I would tell you I understood mortality. 1.00
02:40:39.000 I would tell you all this shit. 0.99
02:40:41.000 But the fact of the matter is, no matter how bad the fight or how drunk I was driving my car home or jumping off the bridge into the water In the back of my mind, 0.99
02:40:56.000 I believed I would never die.
02:41:00.000 And even because I hung out with this gang of kids and a bunch of them died from drug overdoses and a bunch of them died from car accidents. 0.99
02:41:08.000 It's just sad shit. 0.99
02:41:09.000 There's nothing sadder than a teenager dying. 1.00
02:41:12.000 But the thing is, quite frankly, they all died from the boring shit. 1.00
02:41:17.000 They all died from you got wasted and you fucking hit the car. 1.00
02:41:20.000 You got fucking wasted and you overdosed or whatever the fuck it is. 1.00
02:41:24.000 And you look at it now and go, you know how much you missed, man? 1.00
02:41:27.000 You know how much of all this crazy fucking shit you didn't get to see, you know? 0.99
02:41:33.000 And at that point you're like, look... 1.00
02:41:37.000 I was the dumbest motherfucker on earth when I left home at 14, and I got progressively dumber until I was probably in my mid-twenties. 0.99
02:41:47.000 And I think when mortality comes and gets you, and this is, I don't know about you, but it's hit me, is every day is fucking awesome. 1.00
02:41:56.000 You know, I see the worst shit in the world every day with politics and with poverty and with the environment, whatever the fuck it is. 0.99
02:42:05.000 But guess what? 1.00
02:42:07.000 Fucking life is fucking awesome. 1.00
02:42:09.000 If you're healthy, life is amazing. 1.00
02:42:12.000 If you're healthy and you have friends, that's the big one. 0.99
02:42:16.000 That's why solitary confinement is the darkest shit of all time. 0.95
02:42:19.000 And, hold on, and this goes back to our first point, you gotta be healthy, you're right. 0.98
02:42:25.000 You gotta, you know, have friends, family, somebody out there, you know. 1.00
02:42:29.000 You gotta enjoy your shit, you know. 1.00
02:42:31.000 Enjoy your food, enjoy your fucking sleep, enjoy your book, whatever the fuck it is. 1.00
02:42:36.000 But the other thing is, if you don't have future, if you don't have like, tomorrow's gonna be good too, you know, then you're fucked and that's why we all have to participate in that shit. 1.00
02:42:48.000 Sorry I cut you off. 1.00
02:42:49.000 Well, it's inevitable.
02:42:51.000 We're all participating because it's inevitable.
02:42:53.000 We're all a part of this crazy growing wave.
02:42:58.000 I've now become addicted to your...
02:43:01.000 It's good for you, dude.
02:43:02.000 Don't be scared.
02:43:03.000 It's going to just calm you down and soothe you and relax your soul. 0.95
02:43:10.000 But if I had to do it all over again, I would realize that every day is fucking just... 0.81
02:43:15.000 I think you wouldn't. 1.00
02:43:16.000 You've got to kill it. 1.00
02:43:17.000 I think if you had to do it all over again, you'd do it exactly the same way. 1.00
02:43:19.000 Probably.
02:43:19.000 Because if you didn't, you would never learn the lessons that you learned.
02:43:22.000 I mean, I'm not claiming that I've gone the perfect path, but...
02:43:29.000 Every fucking disaster I've ever been a part of, every mistake I've ever made, it's made me humble, reconsider, be more considerate, be more introspective, be more observant, be more objective. 0.99
02:43:42.000 Just look at it from, you have to fuck up. 1.00
02:43:45.000 You can't, like, everybody that fucks up, they feel like they're a bad person because they fucked up. 1.00
02:43:49.000 But no, you're just a person. 1.00
02:43:51.000 Hopefully you didn't fuck up too bad. 1.00
02:43:54.000 But that's how you learn by fucking up. 1.00
02:43:55.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:43:56.000 It's a big part of it.
02:43:57.000 When you're killing it, you're like, oh yeah, I'm the smartest, I'm the best. 1.00
02:44:01.000 You learn by fucking up. 1.00
02:44:01.000 Exactly. 1.00
02:44:03.000 That's what people hate, right?
02:44:04.000 What do we hate more than anything?
02:44:06.000 We hate cockiness, right?
02:44:07.000 Yeah.
02:44:08.000 It's one of the things that people hate more than anything.
02:44:10.000 Which is...
02:44:11.000 Yes, it's true, and I've learned that the hard way.
02:44:14.000 Because I like being cocky. 1.00
02:44:15.000 I like guys, I like saying, I'm going to fucking kill it. 1.00
02:44:19.000 And I like other guys, I like guys saying they're going to kill it. 1.00
02:44:22.000 If they don't, fuck them or whatever. 1.00
02:44:23.000 That's bro talk. 1.00
02:44:24.000 No, but I do. 1.00
02:44:25.000 I like people being confident and going out there and doing that shit. 1.00
02:44:28.000 Of course, because it's tribal. 0.99
02:44:30.000 Well, my old man always said to me when I was young, he goes, they're going to tell you life is fair...
02:44:37.000 That's not true.
02:44:39.000 He goes, life is brutal.
02:44:41.000 You have to be the smartest and the toughest and you have to win and you have to be there in the right place at the right time. 1.00
02:44:47.000 And even then, if you have a little dick, you're fucked. 1.00
02:44:49.000 Well, because I have a huge dick, that didn't come into it. 1.00
02:44:52.000 But no, it was just like he was honest, because that's the truth. 1.00
02:44:59.000 It's fucking hard. 0.99
02:45:01.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:45:01.000 It's hard, and you have to have a little bit of luck as well. 0.99
02:45:05.000 And everyone else tells their kids, it's fine, it's good, it's going to be great. 0.98
02:45:09.000 And my old man was like, actually, it's going to be fucking hard, so you better really fucking try to hit it, because if you get fucked up, it's only going to travel with you. 0.98
02:45:18.000 And at that point, you sit there and go, honesty goes a long way. 0.99
02:45:23.000 We're wasted.
02:45:24.000 We should probably go, and I gotta get a plane.
02:45:28.000 Best ending of a podcast ever.
02:45:31.000 A long, drunken rant, and we should probably get out of here.
02:45:36.000 Because it's only going to get worse from now on for me. 1.00
02:45:39.000 Shane Smith, you bad motherfucker, you. 1.00
02:45:42.000 Every time we talk, I feel inspired. 1.00
02:45:44.000 You're a bad motherfucker, dude. 1.00
02:45:45.000 The next time we have a rule, a new rule, next podcast, there'll be no complimenting each other. 1.00
02:45:50.000 Either one at all.
02:45:52.000 Done.
02:45:52.000 I love you, but it's enough.
02:45:54.000 Enough already.
02:45:54.000 We're getting ridiculous.
02:45:56.000 All right. 0.66
02:45:57.000 You're the best, man.
02:45:58.000 I appreciate you very much.
02:45:59.000 I appreciate you very much.
02:46:00.000 I appreciate you coming on, too.
02:46:01.000 Thank you very much. 0.99
02:46:02.000 All right, fuckers. 0.99
02:46:02.000 We'll be right back in about 10 minutes with the great Ari Shafir. 0.99
02:46:05.000 Boom! 0.99
02:46:05.000 Booyah! 0.99
02:46:06.000 Hit it! 1.00
02:46:08.000 I got an arsehole on that. 0.99