The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #604 - Eddie Huang & Randall Park

00:00:08.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:16.000 Yeah!

00:00:17.000 Back for round two, ladies and gentlemen. 0.89

00:00:18.000 We're here with Randall Park.

00:00:20.000 We're waiting on Eddie Huang.

00:00:21.000 He's stuck in traffic, coming over Topanga, probably dodging hippies. 1.00

00:00:25.000 You ever take that ride over Topanga?

00:00:27.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:00:28.000 Passed by those fucking weird organic people. 1.00

00:00:31.000 I passed by a guy who had a sign. 1.00

00:00:32.000 A lot of hemp.

00:00:33.000 A lot of hemp.

00:00:34.000 A lot of beads, a lot of dirty feet.

00:00:36.000 I passed by a guy who had a sign that said, Vegan Gardner.

00:00:41.000 Like, what does that mean?

00:00:43.000 No, it wasn't vegan gardener.

00:00:45.000 It was vegan landscaping.

00:00:46.000 That's what it was. 0.99

00:00:47.000 I was like, what the fuck does that even mean? 1.00

00:00:50.000 I just wanted to hit him. 1.00

00:00:52.000 Just want to fucking have bears chase him or something. 1.00

00:00:56.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

00:00:57.000 Randall Park, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

00:00:59.000 What's happening, Joe?

00:00:59.000 Good to see you, brother.

00:01:00.000 Good to see you, man.

00:01:01.000 I appreciate it.

00:01:01.000 Thanks for coming on here.

00:01:02.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:01:03.000 You are in the middle of one of the most controversial movies in the history of the world.

00:01:08.000 You play...

00:01:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:10.000 I play Kim Jong-un.

00:01:11.000 Yeah, in the interview.

00:01:12.000 Yeah, that's right. 0.98

00:01:13.000 Which is fucking crazy, man. 0.98

00:01:15.000 I didn't think it was crazy when I signed on. 0.98

00:01:18.000 I realized it was crazy in the midst of all that.

00:01:22.000 What is the verdict?

00:01:24.000 Because they say that it's not North Korea.

00:01:27.000 Someone was saying it was an insider at Sony.

00:01:29.000 They had it narrowed down to a woman who hacked it. 1.00

00:01:34.000 I read that.

00:01:35.000 I don't know.

00:01:36.000 Because after they came out with that, the FBI came out and said, no, it is North Korea.

00:01:36.000 I don't know.

00:01:41.000 We have a lot of information that we haven't released.

00:01:45.000 It is.

00:01:46.000 Trust us.

00:01:47.000 But then, you know, the private kind of security experts still think it's not North Korea.

00:01:54.000 I would almost always go with private security experts over the FBI. Almost always.

00:01:59.000 I kind of feel like most people now would also, which is kind of sad, you know, sad for the FBI. But I think most people are questioning it.

00:02:09.000 Would you be willing to go over there ever?

00:02:12.000 Well, ever?

00:02:13.000 You mean, like, do you mean North Korea specifically?

00:02:18.000 Oh, yes.

00:02:18.000 Yes.

00:02:19.000 Very specifically.

00:02:20.000 No, no, no.

00:02:21.000 I would not go over there.

00:02:22.000 I would never go there, especially now.

00:02:25.000 What if you went over there under the guidance of Dennis Rodman?

00:02:30.000 No.

00:02:31.000 I wouldn't go near Dennis Rodman.

00:02:34.000 No.

00:02:36.000 In America, I would not go near him.

00:02:38.000 But I would not go near North Korea at all.

00:02:41.000 I mean, if the regime topples, changes, and, you know, I don't know, 20 years from now, it's...

00:02:50.000 What's the likelihood of that, though?

00:02:52.000 I don't know.

00:02:52.000 I think it's possible, but in our lifetimes, I think.

00:02:56.000 But, yeah, that's the only way I'd go.

00:02:59.000 Well, we were talking about this before the podcast started that they exchange flash drives back and forth to each other.

00:03:06.000 Yeah, like a huge part of the underground economy there is basically these flash drives with South Korean TV shows, movies, American movies, you know, just...

00:03:22.000 Glimpses into the outside world that they're not supposed to see.

00:03:25.000 It's a huge underground market.

00:03:27.000 So I think the people there, especially the younger people, they know what's going on, you know. 0.99

00:03:33.000 And if they get caught, not only are they fucked, but... 0.94

00:03:36.000 Yeah, well, this is what I've read, and I don't know how it is now. 0.99

00:03:40.000 It might be even worse now for all I know.

00:03:43.000 But yeah, if they get caught, they go to a labor camp for I don't know how long.

00:03:49.000 It's like a three-generational thing.

00:03:51.000 Their kids go to a labor camp and their parents will go.

00:03:55.000 The whole family ends up being punished for their action, which is wild.

00:04:01.000 It's insane.

00:04:02.000 Yeah.

00:04:03.000 And when we hear about dictatorships like that, we always think of it like, that's from the 40s.

00:04:08.000 You think of it as...

00:04:09.000 It is from the 40s.

00:04:11.000 That's a thing.

00:04:12.000 And it just has not changed over there.

00:04:15.000 Yeah.

00:04:15.000 I just wonder what it would take for something like that to be toppled.

00:04:19.000 And we were also talking before the podcast started about his uncle, that his uncle apparently was planning some sort of a coup, so he killed his uncle, killed his uncle's sons.

00:04:27.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:04:28.000 I mean, well, one thing that happened when our movie was about to come out, there was some expert on North Korea who said that it's important that Yeah.

00:04:54.000 Getting something to happen over there.

00:04:56.000 Is this what Sony was saying?

00:04:57.000 No, no, this was like an expert on, like some professor or something on North Korea, which I thought was interesting.

00:05:04.000 But, yeah, that kind of blew my mind when he said that.

00:05:09.000 Imagine if it did.

00:05:09.000 That's great.

00:05:10.000 Imagine if that was the catalyst. 0.78

00:05:12.000 If our ridiculous comedy.

00:05:14.000 A Seth Rogen, James Franco movie was the catalyst for overthrowing the last great communist dictatorship.

00:05:22.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:23.000 I mean, yeah.

00:05:23.000 Old school communist dictatorship.

00:05:25.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:05:26.000 I mean, it's all, you know, so much of it is this kind of deification, you know, of him.

00:05:33.000 Yeah.

00:05:35.000 All of this stuff, you know, our movie, but not just that, even just glimpses into the outside world, it just chips away at that, you know, and he becomes who he is, you know, to these people and to other people and, you know, in the government and that does not help their cause,

00:05:52.000 you know, or the government or Kim Jong-un's cause, you know.

00:05:56.000 What is the Dennis Rodman thing?

00:05:57.000 What's...

00:05:59.000 Did you research him at all when you did this?

00:06:01.000 I did, yeah.

00:06:02.000 I mean, Kim Jong-un and his father, Kim Jong-il, when he was alive, huge NBA fans.

00:06:11.000 He was a huge basketball fan.

00:06:15.000 Love Michael Jordan.

00:06:17.000 And there's a story of Kim Jong-un.

00:06:19.000 Supposedly, when he was a student, he went to an international school in Switzerland.

00:06:23.000 And there are accounts of him from other students.

00:06:27.000 He'd just sit in class all day and draw doodle pictures of Michael Jordan.

00:06:32.000 Like, literally in this class.

00:06:34.000 So, like, he was obsessed with basketball in that era.

00:06:38.000 And I think, you know, that Bulls team was running things at the time.

00:06:43.000 He was a huge Rodman fan.

00:06:46.000 Wow.

00:06:47.000 That's so crazy.

00:06:48.000 It's so crazy.

00:06:49.000 To see Rodman over there hanging out with him is so surreal.

00:06:53.000 Did you see that press conference?

00:06:55.000 No.

00:06:56.000 There's a video of a press conference where he's basically sitting there with some other players who went with him on this trip.

00:07:04.000 And he's clearly drunk.

00:07:08.000 And he's basically justifying his actions by going over there and becoming friends with this guy.

00:07:15.000 And he's drunk.

00:07:16.000 And this is a press conference from Korea or from America?

00:07:19.000 I think it was in Korea that they shot it.

00:07:22.000 And you could see the players behind him, and they just look super uncomfortable.

00:07:28.000 Well, how could you not be super uncomfortable?

00:07:30.000 First of all, hanging out with Dennis Rodman would make you super uncomfortable.

00:07:34.000 Dennis Rodman calling a press conference.

00:07:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:07:38.000 Is it the top one?

00:07:41.000 Yeah, that top one.

00:07:43.000 Yo! 1.00

00:07:44.000 Look who's here!

00:07:45.000 Eddie Wong in the house.

00:07:47.000 What's up, brother?

00:07:47.000 I'm the worst, man.

00:07:48.000 I'm the fucking worst. 1.00

00:07:49.000 Dude, this is LA. The traffic is insane. 1.00

00:07:51.000 Yo, also, fucking, I'm an idiot that lost my car in a fucking parking garage. 1.00

00:07:55.000 Did you? 1.00

00:07:56.000 Yeah, man, I was running up and down the wrong parking garage.

00:07:59.000 Were you, like, along 3rd Street, like one of those garages?

00:08:02.000 Yeah, like the promenade, and they got three garages that look the same.

00:08:07.000 And I was running up and down. 0.93

00:08:08.000 I'm like, where the fuck is my car? 0.94

00:08:10.000 It was right here. 0.98

00:08:11.000 And then they were like, you know there's another parking garage.

00:08:14.000 That's hilarious.

00:08:15.000 My bad, dude.

00:08:16.000 No worries, man.

00:08:17.000 We kicked things off, Randall.

00:08:18.000 We're good.

00:08:19.000 Nice.

00:08:19.000 We had to cover the interview anyway.

00:08:21.000 We had to go over all the crazy shit that he's been going through. 0.99

00:08:24.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:08:24.000 The artist formerly known as Kim Jong-un. 0.99

00:08:28.000 Did you at any point in time feel like you fucked up? 0.99

00:08:32.000 No, man. 0.99

00:08:33.000 You know...

00:08:35.000 No.

00:08:36.000 This is the thing.

00:08:37.000 I wasn't, like, scared for my life or anything like that.

00:08:40.000 I'm scared for your life.

00:08:41.000 But this is the thing.

00:08:41.000 There were enough people like you, friends, family, people who were genuinely scared for my life that it got me thinking, like, should I be scared for my life?

00:08:51.000 Well, you had Secret Service at the crib.

00:08:53.000 We had guards at the house.

00:08:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:08:56.000 What?

00:08:57.000 Sony provided us guards.

00:08:58.000 For how long?

00:09:00.000 It's like a couple weeks. 1.00

00:09:01.000 What the fuck, Sony? 0.99

00:09:02.000 At first I was like, we don't need guards. 1.00

00:09:06.000 Seriously, we don't need guards.

00:09:08.000 They're like, let us just give you some guards for peace of mind.

00:09:11.000 I was like, alright, alright.

00:09:13.000 And then one day they were just gone.

00:09:16.000 Like a few weeks later, they were gone.

00:09:17.000 And I was thinking, oh my god, where are the guards?

00:09:19.000 I need the guards.

00:09:20.000 You know, like I was just so...

00:09:23.000 I felt so protected by them when I wouldn't have otherwise.

00:09:27.000 I just got used to it.

00:09:28.000 And then my friends being so concerned for me.

00:09:31.000 It just kind of got me paranoid.

00:09:33.000 Did anyone contact you?

00:09:35.000 Did you get any threats?

00:09:36.000 No. 0.99

00:09:36.000 No one on Twitter, like, pretended to be from North Korea and fucked with you? 0.99

00:09:40.000 We should have done it to him. 0.99

00:09:40.000 No. 0.99

00:09:42.000 Dude.

00:09:43.000 You know, I mean, I would get, like, spam mail, like I always get.

00:09:47.000 And I would think twice.

00:09:48.000 I'd be like, wait a minute.

00:09:50.000 Is this, like, regular spam?

00:09:52.000 Or is this, like, hack into my email, destroy my life spam?

00:09:57.000 Right, right, right.

00:09:59.000 But, you know, I didn't know.

00:10:00.000 I would never have, I just kind of deleted it, like I always do, you know?

00:10:04.000 Yeah, you're always, you know, that could be totally unrelated.

00:10:07.000 Yeah, yeah, most likely.

00:10:08.000 But I, you know, I got paranoid.

00:10:10.000 I got paranoid after a while.

00:10:12.000 And then the movie came out, like we were talking about earlier, it just all died out.

00:10:18.000 The dust settled really quickly.

00:10:20.000 It was like crazy.

00:10:21.000 It was like the biggest news.

00:10:22.000 And then all of a sudden, I don't know.

00:10:24.000 It seems like things just die quick today.

00:10:27.000 Because there's so much new scandal coming down every day.

00:10:27.000 Yeah.

00:10:30.000 There's always something new. 0.99

00:10:32.000 Nutty dick pics. 1.00

00:10:34.000 Fucking sex scandal. 1.00

00:10:36.000 Something horrible happens. 1.00

00:10:38.000 You know, ISIS cut somebody's head off. 0.90

00:10:40.000 You know, there's always some new thing.

00:10:40.000 Something.

00:10:41.000 Cosby, another woman.

00:10:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:44.000 The things that used to happen in five years happen in one year now.

00:10:44.000 Yeah, one year.

00:10:48.000 They happen in a day.

00:10:49.000 It's weird.

00:10:50.000 Yeah, it's kind of insane.

00:10:51.000 Yeah, things are accelerating for sure.

00:10:53.000 Even when I travel, every city I go to, there's a pocket of every city that looks the same.

00:10:58.000 Like that same arts district is in every fucking city with the same stores, the same kids, the same clothes.

00:11:04.000 And by contrast, the same Applebee's, the same Walmart, the same Target. 0.96

00:11:09.000 I mean, if you're in a Target anywhere in America, you feel like you're in the same spot.

00:11:12.000 You're in the same spot.

00:11:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:14.000 How the fuck did you go from being a chef to being on a sitcom? 0.99

00:11:17.000 What the hell's going on, man? 1.00

00:11:19.000 How did you run this, man?

00:11:20.000 Dude, I guess we kind of ran the table.

00:11:23.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:11:23.000 We fucking definitely hit for the cycle the last two years. 0.96

00:11:27.000 You were at TED Talk? 0.98

00:11:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:28.000 I mean, fuck. 1.00

00:11:29.000 Yeah, that's when I met you. 1.00

00:11:30.000 You know, the deal for this show was cut the day I met you.

00:11:33.000 That's hilarious.

00:11:34.000 Yeah, you were part of this, Joe.

00:11:35.000 That's amazing.

00:11:36.000 I feel responsible.

00:11:36.000 You're part of this.

00:11:37.000 You're part of Asian history.

00:11:39.000 Yeah, thank you.

00:11:39.000 You are.

00:11:40.000 Thank you, Joe.

00:11:41.000 So how did it go down?

00:11:42.000 Well, what happened was I was at TED and then there was this producer, Melvin Maher, who my boy Jay gave the book to.

00:11:50.000 So he read the book and he was like looking at these, you know, stats and demographics.

00:11:55.000 They send those things in the studio like, pay attention to the Asian market. 0.99

00:11:59.000 They got fucking money now. 0.99

00:12:00.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:12:01.000 Like people are buying fucking soy products. 0.99

00:12:03.000 So he got one of those things that was a directive or some study saying, look, there's a lot of Asian viewers. 0.99

00:12:10.000 We should make some content for this.

00:12:12.000 The book landed on his table within the similar amount of time.

00:12:16.000 I was in Long Beach, I was doing the show with you, and he met me that night.

00:12:20.000 That's incredible.

00:12:22.000 That's incredible.

00:12:23.000 And you got in trouble for doing the show, right?

00:12:24.000 Because you left Ted and they get pissed at you.

00:12:26.000 Yeah, they were mad because I did, you know, I did the number one podcast in the world, Joe Rogan.

00:12:32.000 And then I also did DVD Asa.

00:12:34.000 They weren't too happy about that. 0.99

00:12:36.000 And I went to take the meeting with Melvin and they were like, you should be here politicking with these Ted people, sucking this Scientology dick. 0.99

00:12:44.000 Wait, did they say, did they have I was like, no, no, no Scientology deals. 0.98

00:12:50.000 Did they have a specific thing planned for you?

00:12:54.000 Or they just wanted you to hang out?

00:12:55.000 No, I had already given my talk.

00:12:57.000 And then it was like, dude, we looked like slow children.

00:13:00.000 They had us with signs and neck lanyards with your photo and speaker.

00:13:05.000 And then these people would be like, donor.

00:13:06.000 And we were supposed to show more love to the donors.

00:13:10.000 Oh, one of those.

00:13:11.000 Kiss the rings.

00:13:12.000 Yeah.

00:13:13.000 I was like, this is weird.

00:13:14.000 It was the beginning of my understanding, my journey of trying to understand where Ted has gone.

00:13:21.000 What it started out as and what it is now.

00:13:24.000 And you were very illuminating. 0.98

00:13:27.000 Yeah, it was cool because after me and Sarah Silverman kind of shit on it, there's been lots of people that come out being like, yo, they fucked with my speech. 0.93

00:13:33.000 They told me to say this. 0.96

00:13:34.000 They took this down.

00:13:35.000 And...

00:13:36.000 Did you find that during your speech?

00:13:37.000 Were they putting their hands in it?

00:13:40.000 Yeah, they definitely tried to edit it.

00:13:42.000 I mean, it's everywhere. 1.00

00:13:44.000 The last few years, I've started to realize everywhere you go, besides pretty much Vice, I guess, is they try to put their dick in your ear. 1.00

00:13:53.000 Everywhere you go, man. 1.00

00:13:55.000 Say, hey, come here, kid.

00:13:56.000 Come here. 1.00

00:13:56.000 Ah, fuck. 1.00

00:13:59.000 You want to get rich, don't you? 1.00

00:14:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:14:01.000 There's only one way. 1.00

00:14:02.000 Suck that donor dick. 1.00

00:14:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:05.000 Well, they would make you stay with somebody else, too.

00:14:07.000 They made you stay in a room.

00:14:08.000 Yeah, it was weird.

00:14:09.000 We were like adults, and they had us rooming, and I was rooming with this other guy who was super nervous about his speech, and I was just like, this is bugged.

00:14:16.000 It's bugged out.

00:14:17.000 You gave me a box of Kind bars, and I'm supposed to be cool with this? 1.00

00:14:22.000 And then they get mad when you go off to do other shit. 0.99

00:14:24.000 It's just very, very bizarre. 0.99

00:14:26.000 Very bizarre.

00:14:27.000 Yeah, you should sign up to be a TED speaker one year just so you can do the expose.

00:14:31.000 Not interested.

00:14:33.000 I speak too much as it is.

00:14:34.000 I'm highly overexposed.

00:14:36.000 So, fresh off the boat, when does this start airing?

00:14:39.000 February 4th.

00:14:40.000 Is this CBS? ABC. ABC. Beautiful.

00:14:43.000 February 4th.

00:14:45.000 And is everything in the can already?

00:14:46.000 You guys done or are you filming right now?

00:14:47.000 Yeah, we're done.

00:14:48.000 We're done shooting.

00:14:49.000 How many episodes did you guys do?

00:14:51.000 13?

00:14:51.000 13, yeah.

00:14:52.000 So they decided to film 13 and then air.

00:14:55.000 They did a pilot, they liked it, and then they just shot 13. Ordered 12 more, yeah.

00:14:59.000 That's nice.

00:15:00.000 That's nice.

00:15:01.000 If they pick up what they call the back nine and give you a full order of 22, when do you know about all that?

00:15:07.000 I think May.

00:15:08.000 And we find out in May.

00:15:09.000 Yeah, I don't know if we're going to do the back.

00:15:11.000 I think it'll be just the next season.

00:15:13.000 Just the second season.

00:15:13.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:14.000 That's cool.

00:15:15.000 So, what's that experience been like?

00:15:17.000 Man, Randall, you go first.

00:15:19.000 I've been talking about it too much.

00:15:20.000 Randall, go first.

00:15:21.000 Well, I mean...

00:15:22.000 Also, the eldest agent goes first.

00:15:25.000 That's right.

00:15:26.000 Respect.

00:15:26.000 That's right.

00:15:28.000 You know, for me it was fun.

00:15:31.000 There was a lot of challenges.

00:15:35.000 I've been kind of...

00:15:39.000 The middleman, I feel like, in a lot of the situations, talking to the producers, talking to the other actors, talking to Eddie, and trying to navigate everything and hearing out their issues and their problems.

00:15:52.000 I don't know.

00:15:54.000 I think with any TV show, there are always politics and issues.

00:15:59.000 But when you have one that's specifically based on a memoir of a real-life person, There's a lot of bumps in the road and a lot of things to work out.

00:16:11.000 And we definitely had those issues.

00:16:14.000 But with that being said, I had a great time.

00:16:18.000 The cast has been great.

00:16:20.000 I had fun.

00:16:22.000 I had fun.

00:16:23.000 And I think it's a good show.

00:16:26.000 And it's a groundbreaking show in terms of just...

00:16:30.000 Asians on TV. Well, Margaret Cho was the first. 1.00

00:16:33.000 Yeah.

00:16:33.000 She had that show, All-American Girl.

00:16:35.000 That was 20 years ago.

00:16:36.000 Yeah.

00:16:37.000 I was around back then.

00:16:38.000 I remember it.

00:16:39.000 I was friends with Margaret.

00:16:40.000 And when it went down, it was weird. 0.64

00:16:43.000 They were telling me, you gotta lose weight, you gotta do this, you gotta dress different, you can't have a fat Asian on TV. I mean, her stories about her are pretty fucking crazy. 1.00

00:16:51.000 It's bad, dude. 0.99

00:16:51.000 They had an Asian consultant or something on that show, basically telling them how to be Asian. 0.99

00:16:58.000 I mean, we had those weird-ass accent coaches, too, though.

00:16:58.000 Yeah.

00:17:01.000 The dude was super cool.

00:17:03.000 He was a super cool dude.

00:17:04.000 But there was a dude that was literally like, Randall, your accent, like checking on the accents and shit.

00:17:08.000 Yeah, super cool guy.

00:17:11.000 Friend of mine, even.

00:17:12.000 Good dude.

00:17:13.000 But it was like, it definitely got me in my head for that pilot.

00:17:17.000 So after, once we got into the series, I was like, no, I'm going to learn this.

00:17:21.000 I'm going to learn this on my own.

00:17:22.000 What was the accent?

00:17:24.000 Were you trying to learn a Chinese accent?

00:17:25.000 It was supposed to be a Mandarin Taiwanese accent.

00:17:29.000 But I feel like there isn't one.

00:17:31.000 There isn't one, exactly. 0.97

00:17:32.000 Everyone speaks in their own fucked up way. 0.97

00:17:34.000 And that's what I learned. 0.99

00:17:35.000 That's what I learned.

00:17:35.000 It's like there is...

00:17:36.000 Because I went to so many people to get, like, coaching, you know?

00:17:40.000 Like, to get...

00:17:43.000 Specifically experts or actors who could really do it because there were no dialect coaches who could do it.

00:17:48.000 But they all had different approaches.

00:17:50.000 And I was like, there is not one way to do an accent.

00:17:54.000 Yeah, it's basically a cottage industry for Asian people to just G off and be like, oh, no, no, I know this accent thing. 1.00

00:17:59.000 Let me tell you.

00:18:01.000 It's fly lice.

00:18:04.000 R's or L's. 0.98

00:18:05.000 They're like, no.

00:18:05.000 R's or L's.

00:18:06.000 No.

00:18:07.000 It's not always.

00:18:08.000 So they're just running the game and the white people are like, oh, okay, okay. 0.82

00:18:11.000 He understands.

00:18:11.000 He's really legit.

00:18:12.000 Yeah.

00:18:13.000 We have an Asian accent consultant.

00:18:15.000 They hired this guy.

00:18:15.000 Yeah.

00:18:16.000 He's like an actor.

00:18:17.000 He's an actor.

00:18:18.000 And he was like, I got hired to consult on the accent because I'm Taiwanese.

00:18:22.000 And it was just like, yo, this is so bonkers.

00:18:25.000 But what do they try to do with you? 1.00

00:18:27.000 They try to fuck with your accent? 1.00

00:18:28.000 Because you have a New York accent. 1.00

00:18:29.000 No, no, no.

00:18:30.000 I just do voiceover.

00:18:31.000 I just do voiceover and give people a hard time.

00:18:31.000 He narrates.

00:18:33.000 That's pretty much my job on the show.

00:18:35.000 So you don't act on the show?

00:18:37.000 No, I'm just, I'm the voice.

00:18:39.000 Oh.

00:18:39.000 Yeah.

00:18:40.000 So does someone play you?

00:18:42.000 Yeah, there's a 12-year-old kid who's a really cool kid.

00:18:44.000 Oh, wow.

00:18:45.000 So it's sort of like that Chris Rock show.

00:18:47.000 Everybody hates Chris?

00:18:48.000 Yeah.

00:18:49.000 Yeah.

00:18:49.000 Exactly.

00:18:51.000 That's interesting.

00:18:52.000 I was under the impression that you were acting in it.

00:18:54.000 I was confused.

00:18:55.000 He is, but like voice.

00:18:56.000 Voice acting.

00:18:57.000 And who do you play?

00:18:58.000 I play the dad.

00:18:59.000 You play his dad?

00:19:00.000 Yeah.

00:19:00.000 That's a weird relationship.

00:19:01.000 It's weird.

00:19:02.000 It's a weird relationship.

00:19:04.000 It's funny because my mom on the show is the same age as me now.

00:19:07.000 Oh, wow.

00:19:08.000 But super cool.

00:19:09.000 The actors on the show were incredible.

00:19:11.000 Like, the casting on the show, I think, is my favorite part of it.

00:19:14.000 Yeah.

00:19:15.000 I'm not just saying it because homie's here. 0.99

00:19:17.000 Like, we really get along.

00:19:18.000 We hang out.

00:19:19.000 We eat Jamaican beef patties.

00:19:20.000 That's what we get.

00:19:20.000 Are you worried that that 12-year-old kid is going to be like that two-and-a-half-man kid?

00:19:24.000 Just fucking get crazy? 1.00

00:19:25.000 Yes. 1.00

00:19:26.000 Yes.

00:19:27.000 Absolutely.

00:19:27.000 He already gets crazy, but I love the kid.

00:19:30.000 He's a great kid.

00:19:31.000 He's, like, amazing, but he's a real kid.

00:19:33.000 He's not, like, an actor.

00:19:35.000 You know, he didn't have hardly any experience going in, and...

00:19:39.000 That's part of the reason why we loved him so much.

00:19:41.000 He was just raw.

00:19:42.000 He's just a Brooklyn Chinese kid that went to a cold acting, casting, and then we saw his tape.

00:19:48.000 And I remember watching, did you get to see his audition?

00:19:51.000 I mean, I was there for some of the early ones, but I didn't see the original one.

00:19:55.000 Dude, his audition is so funny.

00:19:56.000 They're like telling him to say things, and he's swinging at the camera with his arm.

00:20:00.000 He's looking in the wrong direction. 0.99

00:20:02.000 He just doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:20:03.000 And I saw the tape. 0.99

00:20:04.000 I was like, we have to cast this kid.

00:20:06.000 Just personality.

00:20:07.000 He couldn't be bothered.

00:20:07.000 Just personality.

00:20:09.000 Could not be bothered.

00:20:11.000 I mean, Randall may hate us at times because the kid will be bouncing off the walls.

00:20:11.000 And even when we...

00:20:16.000 Like, we basically just captured this real kid on camera.

00:20:19.000 Like, all right, cool.

00:20:20.000 Start, stop.

00:20:21.000 Yeah.

00:20:22.000 Wow.

00:20:23.000 But the other kids, like, they were all polished actors, you know, with clean line reads, you know, like, and emoting right at the right, you know, right at the right word.

00:20:33.000 And it just didn't feel like...

00:20:36.000 When a show comes around that's very specifically Asian and it's hiring all these Asian people, there's a tremendous amount of attention from the Asian community.

00:20:45.000 Everybody gets very excited.

00:20:46.000 I have Asian friends that were actors.

00:20:48.000 And they would get very bummed out that there's no roles for Asian.

00:20:51.000 And they would get really pissed off.

00:20:53.000 And I would bring up like when John Wayne played Genghis Khan.

00:20:57.000 Yeah.

00:20:59.000 Boiling red and angry.

00:21:00.000 Breakfast at Tiffany's.

00:21:00.000 Mickey Rooney.

00:21:02.000 Charlie Chan.

00:21:03.000 Charlie Chan was a white guy.

00:21:05.000 Yeah, with the tape on the eyes.

00:21:07.000 Yeah.

00:21:08.000 So, now that there's an actual Asian show, what has the response been?

00:21:13.000 You're an actor.

00:21:14.000 It's like The Wire, dude.

00:21:16.000 Basically, every Asian person is hitting you up. 1.00

00:21:18.000 Like, yo, can I be Bubbles?

00:21:21.000 Everybody want to be Bubbles.

00:21:23.000 Exactly, man.

00:21:24.000 It's been overwhelming.

00:21:28.000 Positivity and negativity and skepticism.

00:21:32.000 It's everything.

00:21:33.000 It's because it's the only one.

00:21:35.000 Is there any inter-Asian anger, like you being a Korean guy, playing a guy who's from Taiwan?

00:21:43.000 I haven't experienced it personally.

00:21:45.000 I'm sure it's out there.

00:21:46.000 I haven't experienced it personally.

00:21:47.000 I had my own issues with that too.

00:21:49.000 I actually went to Eddie early on.

00:21:52.000 After I found out the show was being picked up to pilot, I was like, I don't think that this doesn't feel right.

00:21:56.000 I don't think I should be playing this part.

00:21:58.000 Really?

00:21:59.000 Yeah, Randall's super earnest about it.

00:22:01.000 Yeah, I like wigged out about it.

00:22:03.000 I actually had a nervous breakdown about it.

00:22:05.000 A nervous breakdown?

00:22:06.000 Not a nervous, a panic attack.

00:22:08.000 Really?

00:22:09.000 I had a panic attack.

00:22:10.000 How does that go?

00:22:12.000 Just like, I thought I was going to die, like literally, like the night before.

00:22:16.000 I couldn't sleep, and I had to keep moving.

00:22:19.000 And I knew it was because of this, because I was just so in my, I was like...

00:22:22.000 I don't think I should be playing this part.

00:22:24.000 This is like a big moment.

00:22:26.000 Yeah.

00:22:26.000 And that's part of the reason that got me to that thought was because after the show got picked up, it was already all over the internet, like amongst Asian people, like super excited for it, you know?

00:22:37.000 Yeah, the Great Yellow Hope shit. 0.99

00:22:39.000 It was just like everybody was like, oh my god, our dicks are all going to get bigger. 1.00

00:22:44.000 February 4th, my dick is going to be six and a half inches. 1.00

00:22:49.000 Everybody's going to have six and a half inch dicks on February 4th. 1.00

00:22:53.000 So, it's fascinating that you... 0.98

00:22:55.000 So I was like, oh man, I don't know if I should be...

00:22:57.000 I don't know if I'm the one, you know?

00:22:59.000 And it's just because of the fact that you're Korean playing a guy who's Chinese?

00:23:02.000 Well, yeah, yeah.

00:23:03.000 I mean, that was a big part of it.

00:23:05.000 Also, I had my...

00:23:06.000 You know, I had issues with the character, and we talked about it, and I had like...

00:23:10.000 I was like, man, I don't know.

00:23:12.000 I just don't feel like this is the right way for me.

00:23:14.000 I think the thing was, Randall is so earnest, and the reason I've really bonded with Randall through the whole thing is there's a lot of people that will lie to you in Hollywood. 0.99

00:23:23.000 There's a lot of fake motherfuckers out here. 1.00

00:23:25.000 Wait a minute. 1.00

00:23:26.000 What are you saying?

00:23:27.000 Hold on.

00:23:28.000 I can't be a part of the show anymore.

00:23:29.000 I gotta go.

00:23:30.000 I have a meeting.

00:23:34.000 We would talk really openly and honestly about the script, the things that didn't seem to represent my pops, that weren't totally there.

00:23:44.000 Network shows, they always have a really powerful woman and a kind of a schlubby dude. 1.00

00:23:49.000 My dad walked around the crib in his underwear with AK. Just chilling.

00:23:53.000 Did he really?

00:23:54.000 He had an AK? Yeah, he cocked it on my friend once when we were just like watching cartoons.

00:23:59.000 And my dad was like, ha ha!

00:24:01.000 And I was just like, yo.

00:24:04.000 His dad is a badass.

00:24:05.000 I mean, like, I met him.

00:24:07.000 The dude is, I mean, not only a badass, he's just like a dynamic.

00:24:10.000 He's like Eddie.

00:24:10.000 He's like this dynamic.

00:24:13.000 He didn't mean it bad because my friend had been asking him about it and he always wanted to see it, so my dad one day just came out with it and was like, bong bong. 0.89

00:24:22.000 We don't see much of that in the character of the show, but with that being said, my issues were just like, I don't want him to be always the funny one or always the inept kind of classic sitcom dad.

00:24:39.000 I want him to kind of I want him to do well.

00:24:41.000 I want him to work hard.

00:24:42.000 I want to be a good example for the kids.

00:24:44.000 Because, again, we're the only Asian show.

00:24:47.000 It's important that I don't just play that one lane.

00:24:51.000 I want him to be more fleshed out.

00:24:54.000 That is a real issue, right?

00:24:55.000 If you're the only Asian show on television, you definitely don't want to be a negative stereotype. 0.95

00:25:00.000 You don't want to play into all the bullshit that is already out there, the negative stereotypes. 0.96

00:25:06.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.97

00:25:07.000 That's a tricky position, huh?

00:25:09.000 Is that why you felt like you were real nervous about it, the panic attack?

00:25:12.000 That was it.

00:25:13.000 I mean, also, in combination with the accent, if you have an accent, that's one thing.

00:25:19.000 Hit me with some of that accent.

00:25:21.000 No, I can't hit you with that.

00:25:23.000 Come on, man. 1.00

00:25:25.000 You're a goddamn professional, Vandal. 1.00

00:25:26.000 You're a professional. 1.00

00:25:29.000 Just say, fuck you, Joe Rogan, with that accent. 1.00

00:25:31.000 I'm not going to say that. 1.00

00:25:32.000 No, all right.

00:25:33.000 Okay, just try it.

00:25:34.000 No, but... 1.00

00:25:35.000 Fuck you, Joe Rogan. 1.00

00:25:38.000 Yeah, fuck you, Joe Rogan. 1.00

00:25:40.000 It's Joe Rogan in Chingrish. 1.00

00:25:41.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:25:43.000 No, but yeah, exactly.

00:25:44.000 It's like, you got an accent, and we've just seen throughout history, Hollywood history, it's like, if there's an accent, this character's one-dimensional. 0.92

00:25:52.000 You know, David Cho had this fucking great post.

00:25:54.000 There was one point in time we pulled his DVD ASA podcast off the air, and he put this great quote on his website about Jackie Chan. 0.99

00:26:01.000 He goes, how come Jackie Chan never got to fuck or finger bang? 0.97

00:26:06.000 Yes, yes, yes. 1.00

00:26:08.000 Totally.

00:26:09.000 And he's going off this whole thing about everyone's afraid of the yellow man.

00:26:13.000 Everybody talks about fear of a black planet. 1.00

00:26:15.000 Romeo must die. 0.98

00:26:16.000 That was a huge moment for, like, Asian kids. 0.99

00:26:18.000 Yeah.

00:26:19.000 Remember Jet Li and Aaliyah?

00:26:20.000 If you could've just made out with Aaliyah, I swear, like, my sex life would've tripled.

00:26:25.000 I would've done triple numbers.

00:26:26.000 And then we were sitting in that theater.

00:26:27.000 They don't even, like, they don't even shake hands.

00:26:31.000 What is that?

00:26:33.000 And that's Romeo and Juliet.

00:26:33.000 What is that?

00:26:35.000 That was like the... 1.00

00:26:36.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:26:37.000 They don't even shake hands. 1.00

00:26:38.000 Except for Walking Dead.

00:26:39.000 That's the only time when the Asian guy wins. 1.00

00:26:41.000 But that's the thing. 0.72

00:26:42.000 There had to be a zombie apocalypse for an Asian dude. 1.00

00:26:45.000 For an Asian dude to get some pussy, it had to be a zombie apocalypse. 1.00

00:26:50.000 That dude had to be the last motherfucker. 1.00

00:26:53.000 But there's a few white dudes that want to fuck that chick on that show. 1.00

00:26:57.000 I mean, she's the hottest chick on that show by far. 1.00

00:26:59.000 By far.

00:27:00.000 And that's a big victory for the Asian culture. 0.62

00:27:02.000 We caught one there.

00:27:02.000 That was Asian.

00:27:03.000 We caught one.

00:27:04.000 Yeah, that was a good one.

00:27:06.000 Well, there's a lot of anger and resentment in the Asian community, too, when Asian girls will exclusively date white guys.

00:27:12.000 Yeah, I used to get mad, but now I'm just like, it's cool.

00:27:16.000 There's billions of us.

00:27:21.000 That is a weird thing, though, right?

00:27:22.000 I mean, it's a common occurrence.

00:27:23.000 When I was in college, that would definitely get me upset, hit home, but I'm the same.

00:27:30.000 I'm just like, dude, it's, you know.

00:27:33.000 My thing is everybody deals with their identity in their own way.

00:27:36.000 And it's like if you're not loving someone for the right reasons, it may rear its head in three months, six months, six years, but eventually you're going to deal with it.

00:27:45.000 And it's just not my job to be judge and jury with shorties and white dudes. 0.99

00:27:50.000 It's kind of, you know? 0.97

00:27:51.000 Shorties! 0.92

00:27:53.000 That's your prerogative, man.

00:27:56.000 But I used to get tight in college.

00:27:58.000 You get angry?

00:28:00.000 Tight in college. 0.99

00:28:02.000 I was always about white chicks with big butts anyway, so... 1.00

00:28:05.000 Who isn't? 0.98

00:28:07.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:28:08.000 Pogs is the number one drop-down on Bang Bros, I think. 0.91

00:28:11.000 Yeah, it's a perfect-ass white girl if you don't know what P-A-W-G means. 0.92

00:28:16.000 Yup. 0.97

00:28:18.000 Yeah, there's something about that.

00:28:19.000 Well, it's just such an anomaly, you know? 1.00

00:28:21.000 You find a white girl with a perfect ass. 1.00

00:28:23.000 We were in, uh, Tony Hinchcliffe and I were in this coffee shop the other day. 1.00

00:28:26.000 We met this black girl from Kenya who, she had an ass. 1.00

00:28:29.000 She turned around, and we both went like that, just, like, looked at each other like, Jesus! 1.00

00:28:33.000 Is that real?

00:28:34.000 And then we talked about it for like an hour afterwards.

00:28:36.000 Like, you don't ever see that on any other nationality. 0.77

00:28:39.000 It's only black chicks from Africa. 1.00

00:28:42.000 I mean, she had, her ass was like in the middle of her back. 1.00

00:28:47.000 West Indian will come up with it. 1.00

00:28:49.000 Caribbean, West Indian, you'll get it. 0.99

00:28:52.000 Right now, there's a lot of chicks with fake butts out there. 1.00

00:28:55.000 If you look at Instagram, sometimes there's a lot of these girls that, you know, they never showed the backside, then all of a sudden, like, six weeks, there's a gap in photos, and then bang! 0.96

00:29:04.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:29:05.000 Is that, you mean people here in America, that's a thing?

00:29:08.000 Yeah, there's a few girls in New York that my friends with. 1.00

00:29:11.000 I know in Brazil, that's like... 0.98

00:29:11.000 Yo, it's huge in Brazil and Colombia, but in New York now, there's a lot of New York girls with fake butts. 0.98

00:29:16.000 Well, you know what's fucked up about that? 0.99

00:29:18.000 It's like, a girl can get... 1.00

00:29:20.000 Her butt big by working out. 0.96

00:29:23.000 You can lift weights. 0.99

00:29:24.000 You can't do anything about your breasts. 1.00

00:29:26.000 If you want your breasts to be larger, I don't think they have a solution to that yet. 1.00

00:29:29.000 But if you want your ass to be big, all you gotta do, you lazy bitch, just do some squats. 1.00

00:29:34.000 You don't have to stick plastic in your ass. 1.00

00:29:36.000 My ass is tight. 1.00

00:29:36.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:29:37.000 I got to work out.

00:29:40.000 Beautiful.

00:29:41.000 I knew a dude who had chest implants.

00:29:43.000 What?

00:29:44.000 Yeah, he got chest implants.

00:29:46.000 That's weird.

00:29:47.000 He decided, you know, he wanted to be a sitcom star and get a chicken chest instead of working out.

00:29:47.000 He was a comedian.

00:29:52.000 I mean, I think he worked out a little bit, but he had pec implants.

00:29:55.000 I feel like Fat Jew, I think I talked to him, I think he wants breast implants. 0.84

00:29:58.000 Who's Fat Jew? 0.95

00:29:59.000 This comedian Fat Jew, he's awesome.

00:30:02.000 That's his name?

00:30:02.000 Yeah, that's his name.

00:30:04.000 Yeah, he sends me photos like this, dude. 0.99

00:30:06.000 He sends me wild photos of turkey testicles. 0.99

00:30:10.000 This is super weird stuff, man. 0.99

00:30:12.000 But he's the best.

00:30:13.000 You have to see this.

00:30:14.000 He sent this to me for Thanksgiving.

00:30:16.000 But, yeah.

00:30:19.000 Hmm.

00:30:20.000 Okay. 0.99

00:30:21.000 So it's a turkey with his balls poking out of the hole. 0.97

00:30:24.000 It's a turkey. 1.00

00:30:25.000 He cut out a hole and just put his balls in the middle. 1.00

00:30:27.000 That's basically a photo of his balls. 1.00

00:30:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:30.000 It was an acceptable way for him to send his balls to me. 0.99

00:30:34.000 Exactly. 0.99

00:30:35.000 Yeah.

00:30:36.000 Is he a guy in New York?

00:30:37.000 Yeah, he's in New York.

00:30:39.000 He's been a homie for a few years. 0.99

00:30:41.000 He was in this rap group, Team Facelift.

00:30:43.000 Team Facelift?

00:30:44.000 Super futuristic, dude.

00:30:46.000 You gotta have him on the show.

00:30:47.000 Alright, I'm in. 0.98

00:30:48.000 Fat Jew. 1.00

00:30:49.000 Interesting. 0.99

00:30:50.000 That's my man.

00:30:51.000 Strange name.

00:30:54.000 So, you guys have been filming this for how many months now?

00:30:58.000 Ooh, since...

00:30:59.000 We ended right before Christmas.

00:31:03.000 And did it go through, like, I've been on the sitcom news radio from the beginning to, like, one of the first episodes to the end.

00:31:03.000 Yeah.

00:31:11.000 It's like they grow, and everybody sort of finds their own rhythm, and people get fired, and writers, new writers come in.

00:31:18.000 Do you guys go through all that?

00:31:20.000 We didn't like that only because we didn't start airing while we were in production.

00:31:25.000 I feel like those things happen when it starts airing and then the feedback comes and maybe the ratings are like, It's a gift and a curse that you're mid-season.

00:31:42.000 When you're mid-season, they buy all the episodes and they're gonna all air.

00:31:46.000 Did they do a pilot first?

00:31:48.000 Yeah, the pilot's great.

00:31:49.000 The pilot's actually my favorite episode of the whole season.

00:31:52.000 So you did a pilot, and then how long before they decided to pick it up?

00:31:57.000 Like a month or something, I don't know.

00:31:59.000 So you had a little bit of a break?

00:32:00.000 Yeah, we finished it, I feel like we delivered it in March, right?

00:32:03.000 And then we found out in May?

00:32:05.000 Yeah, beginning of May.

00:32:06.000 So it was like two months?

00:32:07.000 Yeah, two months.

00:32:08.000 I didn't think it was going to get picked up.

00:32:09.000 Not because I didn't think it was good.

00:32:12.000 Nothing gets picked up.

00:32:13.000 Nothing gets picked up, number one.

00:32:15.000 No Asian family sitcom gets picked up.

00:32:17.000 Well, one, ever.

00:32:19.000 One, 20 years ago.

00:32:20.000 See, it was fun.

00:32:21.000 I knew it would get picked up.

00:32:22.000 I told everybody. 1.00

00:32:23.000 I was like, yo, man, see you at Chase Bank, motherfucker. 1.00

00:32:25.000 See you at Chase Bank. 1.00

00:32:28.000 Eddie knew.

00:32:29.000 I was just like...

00:32:30.000 I've been in the trenches as an actor for a long time.

00:32:33.000 I'm like, these things don't happen.

00:32:35.000 They don't happen.

00:32:36.000 And then it happened.

00:32:36.000 I was like...

00:32:37.000 Well, they occasionally happen. 0.99

00:32:39.000 I feel like you will shit to happen. 0.98

00:32:43.000 Like, my whole life I just feel like, you know, you gotta like will it and just believe it and if you don't, then it really won't. 0.98

00:32:49.000 The mojo all has to line up.

00:32:52.000 It helps.

00:32:53.000 It helps if you believe it.

00:32:55.000 But there's a lot of people out there that watch The Secret and thought, I'm gonna change my life. 0.97

00:32:59.000 And then nothing fucking happened. 1.00

00:33:02.000 No, I think it's essential to believe and then there's still a lot of shit. 0.99

00:33:06.000 But if you don't believe, good luck. 0.99

00:33:09.000 Yeah, there's a vibration that you have to catch.

00:33:12.000 You have to be on a frequency and all these things have to align together in order for it to be successful.

00:33:17.000 Yeah, and you can feel it.

00:33:19.000 You can really feel the energy.

00:33:21.000 We had a good energy on our show.

00:33:22.000 I think it's because everyone, this was the biggest thing anyone, well, not you had a lot of other hits, but like Constance, Hudson, The Kids, you know, it's Melvin, the producer's first thing that's his own.

00:33:33.000 It was the biggest thing I've done.

00:33:35.000 You know, for everybody, it was just like humbling to be there, happy to get there.

00:33:39.000 And then once we got there, we were like, let's break shop.

00:33:42.000 You know, let's do this.

00:33:43.000 But you should act, man.

00:33:45.000 You got such a great personality.

00:33:46.000 I tell him that all the time.

00:33:48.000 I tell him, I'm like, I'm writing something for you.

00:33:51.000 That's why it made sense to me that you were on a sitcom.

00:33:55.000 Like, there's a lot of chefs, if you told me they were on a sitcom, I'd be like, what?

00:33:59.000 Like, Emeril.

00:34:00.000 Bam! 0.98

00:34:01.000 Remember when Emeril had a sitcom?

00:34:02.000 Emeril had a sitcom?

00:34:03.000 Yeah, I didn't know that.

00:34:04.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:34:05.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:34:06.000 Yeah, Emeril had a fucking sitcom. 0.99

00:34:07.000 I think it was called Emeril. 1.00

00:34:09.000 Yeah, it was like some fucking NBC disaster. 1.00

00:34:12.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:34:12.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:34:13.000 I mean, he's actually pretty fucking cool in person. 0.97

00:34:15.000 Like, I chill with Emeril on Top Chef. 0.94

00:34:17.000 Dude is, especially in New Orleans.

00:34:19.000 I got to hang with him in New Orleans.

00:34:21.000 Cool dude.

00:34:22.000 That's his spot, right?

00:34:23.000 Yeah, that's his spot. 0.94

00:34:24.000 But, like, no, I definitely, I told my agent, I was like, yo, if there's any roles out there for an Asian Joe Pesci, fucking sign me up. 0.69

00:34:31.000 That's what I want to be. 0.86

00:34:32.000 An Asian Joe Pesci Goodfellas or Joe Pesci Lethal Weapon?

00:34:36.000 Oh, like My Cousin Vinny.

00:34:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:34:38.000 Yeah.

00:34:40.000 Yeah, I mean, you could totally act. 1.00

00:34:42.000 That's why when I heard that you were doing it, I was like, oh, wow, look at this fucking versatile motherfucker. 1.00

00:34:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:48.000 Well, I'm voice acting, but no, I gotta do the acting.

00:34:51.000 It'll be fun.

00:34:52.000 I'm excited.

00:34:53.000 The voice acting, too, I mean, that's like...

00:34:54.000 I feel like that was a...

00:34:56.000 I mean, that wasn't in the original pilot.

00:34:59.000 Yeah, no, we put it in after.

00:35:00.000 It kinda came in like, how can we make this better?

00:35:02.000 And then they came up with the idea.

00:35:04.000 We gotta have Eddie.

00:35:05.000 And that changed it.

00:35:07.000 It really solidified the show.

00:35:10.000 And framed it in the right way.

00:35:13.000 It happened in the edit. 0.91

00:35:14.000 I think it was just in the edit, they were like, yo, you should fucking Kevin Arnold this thing. 0.77

00:35:18.000 I was so excited. 0.71

00:35:21.000 They told him I was playing ball when Melvin called me and was like...

00:35:21.000 I was really excited.

00:35:24.000 I was playing ball.

00:35:27.000 Getting buckets.

00:35:30.000 Yeah, is there any way they could write you in?

00:35:32.000 I mean, who would you play if you were going to be on that show?

00:35:34.000 You're like Cousin Eddie would be sick.

00:35:36.000 Or Cousin Alan.

00:35:37.000 I got a Cousin Alan or something, but...

00:35:39.000 Yeah, like a cousin.

00:35:40.000 Yeah, you could be like a kid's cousin that's always giving him sneaky advice.

00:35:40.000 I should be a kid's cousin.

00:35:44.000 Getting him in trouble.

00:35:44.000 For sure.

00:35:46.000 You know, leading him astray.

00:35:47.000 For sure.

00:35:47.000 Even in real life, man, the kid was telling me, he's like, yo, I like girls now.

00:35:51.000 Like, what?

00:35:52.000 Word, that's great.

00:35:53.000 That's great.

00:35:54.000 That's really great.

00:35:55.000 You like girls.

00:35:56.000 And I was like, do you have like a girlfriend or whatever?

00:35:59.000 He's like, no, there's this girl I like, but I'm afraid to talk to her.

00:36:02.000 And I was like, well, what are you going to do then?

00:36:04.000 You should go talk to her.

00:36:06.000 And he's like, no, no, no, I don't want to talk to her.

00:36:07.000 And I was like, well, what do you want to do?

00:36:09.000 And he's like, I kind of want to touch her.

00:36:10.000 And I was like, good, good. 0.98

00:36:12.000 So I'm like, yo, when she gets out of class, just kind of bump into her boobs with your elbow. 0.95

00:36:17.000 No, don't tell him that. 0.88

00:36:17.000 And he's like, what? 0.88

00:36:18.000 I was like, no, yeah, you got to just kind of bump into the boobs. 0.73

00:36:21.000 You can't tell him that and you definitely can't admit that on the internet.

00:36:23.000 Why?

00:36:24.000 You can't do that.

00:36:24.000 Because if he goes and does that now, that's like sexual assault.

00:36:27.000 No, it's not.

00:36:28.000 You did that in middle school.

00:36:29.000 Didn't you come out of like seventh grade?

00:36:30.000 I lived in a different world, my friend.

00:36:32.000 This is the world of the internet and social justice world. 0.99

00:36:34.000 He just asked that dude to commit rape. 1.00

00:36:36.000 No, no, no. 1.00

00:36:37.000 In this world, this is day and age, you are illegally touching a sexual organ with your elbow on purpose.

00:36:43.000 It's not an accident.

00:36:44.000 You're pretending it's an accident.

00:36:45.000 Do I have to apologize? 1.00

00:36:45.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:36:47.000 I'm so sorry, boobs. 1.00

00:36:47.000 We live in a dark world. 1.00

00:36:49.000 I'm so sorry to all those boobs out there. 1.00

00:36:52.000 Especially if the girl doesn't want him to touch her boobs, then it's really sexual assault. 1.00

00:36:56.000 Well, I mean... 0.97

00:36:57.000 You know, I'm sure he's a good kid.

00:36:59.000 I'm sure she wouldn't mind it.

00:37:01.000 That's not sure enough.

00:37:03.000 No?

00:37:03.000 Randall, you never, like, kind of just brushed up against the pair?

00:37:03.000 No.

00:37:06.000 Don't admit to it.

00:37:07.000 Even if you did, don't say it.

00:37:08.000 I cannot recall.

00:37:09.000 Fine, I'm the only one.

00:37:10.000 I cannot recall.

00:37:11.000 Fine, I'm the only one that was running my Nautica competition fleece against...

00:37:15.000 People will stop beating that Cosby horse and start running towards you with sticks.

00:37:19.000 Oh, man.

00:37:19.000 I just got through with the interview.

00:37:21.000 I'm not on that.

00:37:22.000 No, come on. 0.85

00:37:23.000 It doesn't matter.

00:37:25.000 There's so many people out there that are looking to be angry.

00:37:27.000 They're looking to find something.

00:37:28.000 They just can't brush it off as something innocent or joking around. 0.99

00:37:32.000 And especially when it comes to something like asking a young kid, giving him advice, how to bump into a chick's tits. 1.00

00:37:38.000 Maybe I did fuck up. 1.00

00:37:39.000 You fucked up. 1.00

00:37:40.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:37:41.000 It doesn't matter. 1.00

00:37:41.000 Which is what you tell him to do. 1.00

00:37:42.000 Tell him to let her watch him on TV and then she'll probably like him.

00:37:47.000 That's compelling.

00:37:48.000 Alright, I'm gonna have to call Hudson tonight and be like, yo, remember that technique I told you about kind of brushing up against the boots?

00:37:53.000 New plan!

00:37:54.000 New plan.

00:37:56.000 Uncle Joe wants her to watch the show first.

00:37:59.000 Trust Uncle Joe. 1.00

00:38:01.000 Tell them the pussy bus is coming. 1.00

00:38:02.000 They're loading it up right now. 1.00

00:38:04.000 Once you get on TV, they're going to want to brush their tits up against you. 1.00

00:38:08.000 Then it's way better. 0.99

00:38:10.000 Wait for them to brush up against you.

00:38:11.000 That sexual assault, nobody complains about that sexual assault. 1.00

00:38:14.000 There's not a guy alive who's ever complained about a girl brushing her tits up against you. 1.00

00:38:17.000 But I remember the first time I saw up a skirt was incredible. 0.99

00:38:21.000 I was in Earthspace science class.

00:38:23.000 I was in earth space science and there was this one Colombian chick that was so fly. 1.00

00:38:29.000 Like always came done up, was the first one to be wearing heels in school.

00:38:33.000 How old was she? 0.89

00:38:34.000 Well we were both 14. So we were both 14. She might have been 15. She was wearing heels? 0.97

00:38:38.000 She was wearing heels and I remember she had this like houndstooth dress on. 0.99

00:38:42.000 And I was just like, yo, her legs look like fucking hams right now. 1.00

00:38:46.000 They look like Christmas honey-baked hams in there. 1.00

00:38:50.000 And I could not stop looking.

00:38:52.000 And I remember she turned to me, smiled, and just opened her legs and nodded.

00:38:57.000 And I was like, looked, and it was just peach fuzz and bear.

00:39:00.000 And I was just, oh!

00:39:03.000 Life changed.

00:39:04.000 She had no underwear on?

00:39:05.000 No underwear.

00:39:06.000 Oh my god.

00:39:06.000 She just flashed it.

00:39:07.000 I was 14 and I was just like, and I was like, me?

00:39:10.000 She was like, yeah.

00:39:11.000 Whoa.

00:39:12.000 Oh, like, this is for you.

00:39:13.000 Yeah, and I was, I was cooked.

00:39:15.000 I couldn't talk to her.

00:39:16.000 Oh my god.

00:39:17.000 Yeah, that was my first time.

00:39:18.000 I'm getting nervous just thinking about it.

00:39:19.000 Yeah, that was my first time.

00:39:21.000 But, yeah.

00:39:22.000 So maybe I should have just told Hudson, just keep staring.

00:39:26.000 Just be at the right place at the right time.

00:39:28.000 Even staring, they call that eye rape. 0.90

00:39:30.000 Oh, man.

00:39:31.000 You've been reading The New Yorker?

00:39:34.000 No. 1.00

00:39:34.000 I like to read super progressive websites where they're just out of their fucking mind. 1.00

00:39:39.000 It's mostly people that no one wants to fuck. 0.99

00:39:42.000 And what they're trying to do is establish these parameters for what is appropriate and not appropriate. 0.99

00:39:47.000 It's mostly against men.

00:39:49.000 I think that's the thing though that doesn't work because like I'm all about women's rights and ideologies and all those things is I just went and did a whole piece in Japan about why the birth rate is declining there and I was like championing the fact that we've asked women to go into the workplace but then not redistribute the duties of home and child-rearing and child-bearing and it's just like We have to redistribute the duties that are traditionally left for women because they're working now. 0.98

00:40:16.000 We all got to share.

00:40:17.000 But then when you just have rules of like, don't do this and don't do that, you're not really understanding the relationship of like men, women, and society.

00:40:24.000 You're just setting weird ass rules that make everybody upset and uncomfortable.

00:40:28.000 Well, it's also like who's setting those rules. 0.92

00:40:30.000 Like one of them is about drinking.

00:40:33.000 Like they're saying that men and women when they're having sex, this is a hilarious blog that I like to read occasionally. 0.66

00:40:38.000 And they were trying to say that if men and women, if they're both, if they're drinking, if you're drinking and you have sex with someone, it's rape.

00:40:45.000 Including if a woman is sober and the man is drunk. 0.99

00:40:48.000 If the woman has sex with a drunk man, she's raping him. 1.00

00:40:51.000 She's raping him. 1.00

00:40:51.000 She's raping him, which is fucking hilarious! 1.00

00:40:54.000 It is hilarious. 1.00

00:40:55.000 That might be my favorite position.

00:40:57.000 Me being drunk, her being sober, that is my favorite position.

00:41:01.000 The language that they use is that if you're drunk, they put you in a position where you cannot consent.

00:41:06.000 You're not able to consent because you're drunk.

00:41:12.000 I mean...

00:41:12.000 Which is, first of all, it's rude towards women, because some women have to be drunk.

00:41:18.000 It's a strategy.

00:41:19.000 They do it on purpose. 1.00

00:41:19.000 They want to be drunk so that they can deal with the fact they're gonna let some dude fuck them. 1.00

00:41:23.000 A lot of dudes are annoying as shit, and women get horny, and they're like, God, I don't want someone to fuck me, but I don't want this idiot to throw a few shots back. 1.00

00:41:31.000 Yeah, we all do that, yeah. 1.00

00:41:32.000 Let's do it. 0.99

00:41:33.000 I can understand it if it's like in fraternities and sororities because the rampant rape on college campuses is insane right now because at that age just nobody knows what the fuck they're doing. 0.99

00:41:43.000 Right. 0.99

00:41:43.000 But like adults, man, like who's having sex without drinking? 0.99

00:41:48.000 Seriously.

00:41:51.000 Like, without some combination of, like, wine, Xanax, or weed, like, nobody's having sex.

00:41:56.000 Sober people.

00:41:57.000 We would be Japan.

00:41:58.000 Yeah.

00:41:59.000 Sober people.

00:42:00.000 You know, people who are, like, in the program or something.

00:42:02.000 Alcoholics Anonymous people.

00:42:04.000 What do they do?

00:42:05.000 Oh. 0.99

00:42:06.000 Have terrible sex. 1.00

00:42:07.000 Go jogging. 1.00

00:42:08.000 Get a runner's high first.

00:42:09.000 Man.

00:42:12.000 Hold the breath.

00:42:13.000 Hold the breath.

00:42:14.000 Go spinning and then smash.

00:42:16.000 Then you gotta shower.

00:42:18.000 Then you gotta shower twice. 0.99

00:42:19.000 What the fuck is up with that? 0.98

00:42:21.000 Yeah, and the high might wear off. 1.00

00:42:23.000 Coffee sex.

00:42:24.000 A runner's high doesn't last nearly as long as I get edible. 0.87

00:42:27.000 It's a nice cold brew. 0.85

00:42:28.000 Coffee sex. 1.00

00:42:29.000 I would get crazy lockjaw and dry mouth with coffee sex. 1.00

00:42:33.000 Coffee sex. 1.00

00:42:34.000 For real. 0.99

00:42:35.000 If I drank coffee and then she sat on my face, there would be serious problems. 1.00

00:42:41.000 If you drink coffee, your cum is more likely to get a girl pregnant. 1.00

00:42:44.000 Really? 0.99

00:42:45.000 Yeah, the sperm is more active.

00:42:46.000 Drink green tea.

00:42:48.000 Drink green tea.

00:42:49.000 Even the same thing, caffeine.

00:42:50.000 Oh, really?

00:42:51.000 Yeah, it's caffeine.

00:42:52.000 Caffeine makes your sperm more active.

00:42:54.000 That's for real.

00:42:55.000 Nothing is safe these days. 0.98

00:42:56.000 Nothing's fucking safe. 0.93

00:42:57.000 Nothing's safe. 0.99

00:42:59.000 There's nothing safe, including sex.

00:43:01.000 It's not safe. 0.99

00:43:03.000 So, point being, don't tell this 12-year-old kid the wrong shit because as the climate becomes more and more hostile towards men, it's going to get crazier and crazier. 1.00

00:43:10.000 You guys really think I fuck? 1.00

00:43:11.000 We should ask the Twitters and just be like... 1.00

00:43:13.000 Don't ask Twitter anything ever.

00:43:15.000 So, I'm just going to correct this and tell him to stare and tell her to watch your show.

00:43:21.000 Just stay offline.

00:43:23.000 Don't Google your name.

00:43:25.000 Keep moving.

00:43:26.000 Don't exist.

00:43:27.000 Just keep moving.

00:43:27.000 Just don't exist.

00:43:29.000 Oh, man. 0.99

00:43:30.000 Well, the things that you used to get away with when you, you know, like natural boy-girl type shit, it's like, you know, people take offense to that stuff now. 0.98

00:43:38.000 Yeah, like the Annie Hall thing when he just, he goes to grab her. 0.96

00:43:41.000 I don't remember Annie Hall.

00:43:42.000 Oh, it's great.

00:43:43.000 He's like, it's like Alvy Singer as a kid and he goes to kiss the girl and then the girl's like...

00:43:47.000 Even Freud talks about a latency period, Alvi.

00:43:51.000 I don't remember it.

00:43:53.000 I saw it so long ago.

00:43:54.000 Woody Allen.

00:43:56.000 Here's another one.

00:43:58.000 Bad example.

00:44:00.000 I shouldn't put myself...

00:44:03.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:44:03.000 We should just change the subject.

00:44:05.000 Have you ever seen those photos of Woody Allen with the girl on his lap when she was a little girl when he was the dad and then the two of them together?

00:44:12.000 Yeah, I can't see that.

00:44:13.000 Wait, the girl who... 0.94

00:44:15.000 Oh, his wife.

00:44:17.000 His wife now.

00:44:18.000 Well, she was sitting on his lap when she was a little girl at a basketball game and then many years later she's sitting next to him holding his hand as his wife.

00:44:26.000 It's crazy.

00:44:27.000 It's like, yo.

00:44:28.000 It's weird.

00:44:29.000 Well, seeing it laid out like that, it's very dark.

00:44:34.000 It's like, there's one thing, like, if you hear about it, like, well, maybe he didn't spend a lot of time with her.

00:44:38.000 But then you see the photo with her on his lap at a basketball game.

00:44:43.000 Yeah, and when you see them now, even in the garden, it's bogged.

00:44:46.000 It's totally booked out.

00:44:48.000 It's amazing that he goes out with her. 0.99

00:44:50.000 He's got mad balls. 1.00

00:44:52.000 I mean, that guy's got crazy balls. 1.00

00:44:54.000 Do you need to be ringside or courtside that fucking bad? 1.00

00:44:57.000 With your daughter wife? 1.00

00:44:59.000 No.

00:45:00.000 Stay in the nosebleed.

00:45:01.000 Just cuffing with your daughter wife? 1.00

00:45:03.000 Don't even go.

00:45:04.000 Watch it at home.

00:45:05.000 They have it on TV. Yeah, you got voodoo. 1.00

00:45:07.000 Yeah, what the fuck, man? 1.00

00:45:08.000 It just seems like it's not a good move. 0.99

00:45:10.000 But I don't think people can. 0.87

00:45:12.000 He got no fucks given. 0.98

00:45:13.000 That dude just does not care. 0.98

00:45:14.000 I think because of that, people don't care.

00:45:16.000 I mean, he just got a big deal on it.

00:45:18.000 I don't know if you read about an Amazon TV deal.

00:45:22.000 He's doing shows for Amazon.

00:45:25.000 Not even a thing, you know?

00:45:27.000 Well, he's a really good director.

00:45:29.000 He writes and directs a new movie every year.

00:45:32.000 Have you ever seen how he does everything, too?

00:45:34.000 He does it all with a typewriter.

00:45:36.000 No way.

00:45:37.000 Oh yeah, there's a video.

00:45:38.000 See if you can pull it up, Jamie.

00:45:40.000 It's a fascinating video, Woody Allen explaining his writing process.

00:45:43.000 He's got a video, he's got a typewriter, and then when he does changes, when he does any sort of a change to one of his scripts, he cuts a piece of paper out and fucking tapes it down over the other place.

00:45:55.000 I mean, him and Wes Anderson are definitely my favorite directors.

00:45:58.000 Yeah, Woody Allen as typewriter. 0.89

00:45:59.000 It's kind of fucking weird, man. 0.93

00:46:01.000 I mean, I think this is one of the ways he avoids the internet. 0.98

00:46:05.000 Right, to stay sane.

00:46:05.000 Look at this.

00:46:07.000 The house is always full of clarinet reeds every place.

00:46:11.000 Clarinet reeds.

00:46:16.000 And it's a German typewriter, and it's an Olympia portable.

00:46:20.000 I've had it my whole life.

00:46:23.000 It cost me $40, I think.

00:46:26.000 The guy told me it would be around long after my death.

00:46:30.000 And I've typed everything that I've ever written, every script, every New Yorker piece, everything I've ever done on this typewriter.

00:46:39.000 It used to have a metal piece on top covering this, which I lost 30 years ago.

00:46:45.000 One advantage, obviously, to a word processor is you can electronically cut and paste.

00:46:51.000 What do you do when you have to cut and paste?

00:46:52.000 If I'm typing something, I have my scissors here, and I have a lot of these things, these little stapling machines.

00:47:03.000 So, if I'm typing something, I type the...

00:47:07.000 The part looks like this.

00:47:09.000 You know, nobody can really type my stuff because it looks terrible on the page.

00:47:15.000 So I have to type it because I have arrows and all kinds of things.

00:47:19.000 But when I come to a nice part, then I cut that part off.

00:47:25.000 And staple it on to something else with this.

00:47:28.000 I mean, it's very primitive.

00:47:29.000 Look at that.

00:47:30.000 But it works very well for me.

00:47:32.000 This dude is sewing screenplays.

00:47:36.000 So, there's no problem.

00:47:40.000 How bizarre. 0.98

00:47:41.000 Yo, I fucking love that. 0.97

00:47:42.000 I love this dude. 0.98

00:47:43.000 Like, he's just so...

00:47:45.000 Maybe people... 1.00

00:47:46.000 You can't forgive any of that shit. 1.00

00:47:49.000 It's really, really fucked up. 1.00

00:47:52.000 I think people just aren't shocked by it because he's such an idiosyncratic weird dude. 0.99

00:47:59.000 Nothing with him surprises anybody.

00:48:01.000 Well have you ever seen his old stand-up?

00:48:05.000 I have a record of his, like an old, old record of his.

00:48:09.000 I mean, he was pretty good.

00:48:10.000 I mean, it's like weird stories. 1.00

00:48:12.000 Well, he's a fucking pervert, man. 1.00

00:48:14.000 He was always a pervert. 1.00

00:48:15.000 There's some stand-up of his. 0.96

00:48:16.000 You know that stand-up, black and white, near a staircase?

00:48:20.000 It's from old, just look like rare Woody Allen stand-up.

00:48:24.000 Well, all his work is about sex and psychology.

00:48:26.000 All of it. 0.80

00:48:27.000 Bananas, sleeper.

00:48:28.000 With younger women, that's like a theme. 1.00

00:48:30.000 Well, he's a pervert, man. 0.99

00:48:31.000 Just like it's a rare old piece. 1.00

00:48:34.000 That's it.

00:48:35.000 65 rare.

00:48:36.000 It's hilarious.

00:48:38.000 Listen to him talk.

00:48:39.000 ...museum of art, which is this fabulous museum of art.

00:48:42.000 And when I was younger, I used to hang out a lot at the museum in search of a meaningful social...

00:48:50.000 Relationship.

00:48:52.000 I used to look for girls at the museum. 0.99

00:48:55.000 And I saw on the wall once a nude by Rubens, but a real succulent nude.

00:49:04.000 A naked huntress stabbing to death a warthog.

00:49:09.000 And I got very emotionally involved with the painting, you know.

00:49:13.000 Two guards had to restrain me.

00:49:15.000 Tried to lick some of the oil off the canvas. 0.99

00:49:20.000 He's a creeper!

00:49:22.000 At that time, where is it that I could meet the kind of girl that would pose for that type of picture?

00:49:27.000 And in my neighborhood, there's an art supply shop that deals in offbeat things.

00:49:32.000 And I run down there and I get the name of an artist model off the wall.

00:49:36.000 And I call her up.

00:49:38.000 And I came on very strong like an artist.

00:49:40.000 You know, I used a lot of very artistic terms like brush, I said, and easel.

00:49:45.000 I was just adorable.

00:49:47.000 And we agreed on a price, you know, and hung up.

00:49:50.000 And I got all dressed up in my smock and beret, you know, and little Harvey's Bristol cream on the hair.

00:49:59.000 I'm too much when I want to be.

00:50:01.000 And I waited there.

00:50:06.000 Now, a lady, there's a knock on my door, and standing there is this fabulous woman, but really sensational. 0.92

00:50:12.000 I let her in quickly, you know, and I lock the door with my police lock immediately.

00:50:17.000 And I said to her, take off your clothes right away, because I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.

00:50:25.000 I don't like too much of it.

00:50:28.000 So he was always a creeper, man.

00:50:31.000 A little glimpse, yeah, yeah. 0.96

00:50:32.000 He was always a creeper.

00:50:33.000 I mean, which is good and bad, you know.

00:50:35.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:50:36.000 It's like that Cosby Spanish fly bit. 0.85

00:50:38.000 I mean, like, that was telling.

00:50:41.000 Yeah, the Cosby Spanish fly bit was dark. 0.85

00:50:43.000 Crazy, yeah.

00:50:44.000 Yeah, especially now. 0.54

00:50:44.000 That's dark. 0.54

00:50:45.000 Yeah, he talked about that on more than one occasion, too.

00:50:49.000 Oh, did he?

00:50:49.000 Yeah, there was another thing.

00:50:50.000 He talked about Spanish Fly in an interview.

00:50:52.000 He was doing an interview with someone, and he talked about Spanish Fly.

00:50:55.000 Like a casual interview?

00:50:57.000 Like a panel, like doing a panel on a talk show, and he talked about Spanish Fly.

00:51:02.000 Oh man, that's weird.

00:51:03.000 That was just like a part of his daily life. 0.99

00:51:07.000 Yeah, I mean, I wonder what the fuck that was. 0.99

00:51:10.000 We're never going to hear it from his mouth, which is too bad. 0.99

00:51:15.000 You ever see that documentary, Iceman, Portrait of a Serial Killer?

00:51:19.000 No, no, no.

00:51:20.000 It's on Netflix, though.

00:51:21.000 I know what you're talking about.

00:51:22.000 It's an HBO documentary where they sat down with this guy who was a notorious hitman, killed a bunch of people, and they sat down with him and talked to him about how it started, who was the first person he killed, what was his methods, and you hear the guy talk, and you hear his mentality, and you understand where he was coming from,

00:51:38.000 and he's like, whoa.

00:51:40.000 You just have a glimpse into the eyes of a monster and you kind of understand how it went down.

00:51:46.000 Because we don't often get a chance to hear interviews from serial killers or hitmen or whatever.

00:51:52.000 But to have Cosby sit down, if he ever did come clean, like maybe if they ever did arrest him and he came clean and he started talking about what he did or why he did it or he couldn't help himself or what was the impulse. 0.99

00:52:06.000 I mean, I can't imagine, because I don't think like that, but it's just like, maybe, I don't know, maybe some people think they're entitled to shit. 0.98

00:52:13.000 That's where it might be, right? 0.97

00:52:15.000 That's my guess, is that either you have an impulse you can't control, but then it's like, how can you have so much control in the rest of your life?

00:52:23.000 Then I start to think, like, you have self-control, so it can't be an impulse thing.

00:52:26.000 It has to be that you feel you've justified this in your mind, and you feel entitled to this.

00:52:31.000 Well, he has always been a guy that's been known as being very arrogant and a guy who is...

00:52:37.000 My manager met him and he had a very, very poor opinion of him.

00:52:41.000 He said in meeting him he treats everybody like he's a king and like you're supposed to have a certain behavior towards him. 0.99

00:52:48.000 He shit on a lot of younger black comics too. 0.99

00:52:51.000 All of them. 1.00

00:52:53.000 Everyone is dirty. 0.90

00:52:54.000 Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, that famous bit that Eddie Murphy did in Eddie Murphy Raw where he talked about he had to call up Richard Pryor because Bill Cosby saw his stand-up and called him up and chastised him.

00:53:06.000 You know, and he called up Richard Pryor to ask him for advice, and Bill Cosby goes, Do the people laugh?

00:53:11.000 Did you get paid? 1.00

00:53:12.000 Well, tell Bill to have a coconut smile and shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:53:16.000 It's a famous quote. 1.00

00:53:19.000 Dude, Pryor.

00:53:20.000 And Pryor's the greatest.

00:53:22.000 Hands down, the greatest.

00:53:22.000 The greatest.

00:53:23.000 I feel like there's two greatest of all time.

00:53:25.000 I always say that Sam Kinison was the greatest for one year.

00:53:28.000 For one year, I don't think anybody was ever stronger.

00:53:30.000 Especially in that time, in 1986 or 1987. But he didn't sustain it.

00:53:35.000 He just kept doing coke, and his material went way downhill.

00:53:39.000 But over a long-term period of time, Pryor was the greatest.

00:53:41.000 And the most influential.

00:53:43.000 Everything that most people would hide, he just...

00:53:47.000 It was on stage.

00:53:48.000 He just said it.

00:53:49.000 He had nothing to hide.

00:53:51.000 He was a unique, unique talent, man.

00:53:53.000 Very unique guy.

00:53:55.000 He also was unique in that he would be real honest about his drug use.

00:54:00.000 The drug use thing was a very big part of his stand-up.

00:54:07.000 Especially after he tried to kill himself, you know?

00:54:09.000 Yeah.

00:54:09.000 And you never felt like he was telling jokes.

00:54:11.000 It really just felt like you're just a naturally funny guy talking about deep, dark shit. 0.99

00:54:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:54:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:54:16.000 It never felt like set up, punchline, set up, you know?

00:54:20.000 Yeah, he was just talking, you know?

00:54:20.000 Yeah.

00:54:21.000 Even though you knew he was calculated in his delivery, it was just so comfortable.

00:54:27.000 And it's hard to put it in perspective because back then, if you listen to like some Cosby or some Richard Pryor from like 1981 or something like that, it's hard to put your brain back in 1981 because it was just a different time.

00:54:41.000 The world was young.

00:54:42.000 The media had not had the same influence that it has now.

00:54:48.000 Do you think your show... 0.95

00:54:50.000 Do you ever wonder, like, man, like, is your show gonna get fucked with because it's censored? 0.88

00:54:54.000 And do you ever think, like, maybe it would have been a freer show if I did it on Showtime or HBO? Did you think about doing it? 0.93

00:55:01.000 Yeah, we got offers from other production companies.

00:55:04.000 And, you know, the thing for me was I wanted to fight this battle.

00:55:08.000 I wanted to take the story to network television and be like...

00:55:12.000 Let's take this to Western Michigan.

00:55:15.000 Going to cable, that's preaching to the choir.

00:55:18.000 That's me, you, Randall, my friends.

00:55:20.000 We all watch Showtime, HBO, Netflix, and I have the Vice show.

00:55:25.000 But there's a huge difference in the people we're going to reach with this show and my Vice show.

00:55:30.000 Isn't the Vice show the same name?

00:55:32.000 No, they bought the name from Vice.

00:55:34.000 So, yeah.

00:55:36.000 I had licensed it to Vice and then it got sold over.

00:55:40.000 It's cool.

00:55:41.000 Vice was awesome because ABC needed the name.

00:55:44.000 It was the name of the book.

00:55:46.000 For me, they were calling it Far East Orlando.

00:55:50.000 Far East Orlando?

00:55:51.000 If it wasn't such a bad name, I wouldn't have taken the name from the Vice show.

00:55:56.000 Shane and those guys are great, man.

00:55:58.000 They really did me a favor.

00:55:59.000 They didn't have to do that. 1.00

00:56:01.000 That's why I fuck with them so heavy. 1.00

00:56:03.000 Shane doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:56:04.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:56:04.000 He does the right thing. 0.99

00:56:05.000 Legitimately doesn't give a fuck. 0.97

00:56:06.000 Shane does the right thing. 0.96

00:56:07.000 All the time.

00:56:08.000 I love that dude.

00:56:10.000 I'm very critical of my experience with 20th and ABC and those things.

00:56:15.000 But I would never lie.

00:56:16.000 I'm not just here to say nice things about Vice.

00:56:18.000 Those dudes always come through.

00:56:20.000 They always do.

00:56:21.000 They do the right thing.

00:56:22.000 And so we put it on ABC because I was like, we can't go out with Far East Orlando.

00:56:26.000 Right. 0.99

00:56:26.000 That name was fucked. 0.99

00:56:28.000 Far East Orlando. 0.99

00:56:30.000 What does that even mean?

00:56:32.000 Is that where you grew up?

00:56:34.000 I was like, just call it a chink's life, you know? 1.00

00:56:36.000 Dreamworks, a chink's life. 1.00

00:56:38.000 Did you grow up in Orlando?

00:56:39.000 Is that why they did it?

00:56:40.000 Yeah.

00:56:41.000 It takes place in Orlando, like in the 90s.

00:56:44.000 Orlando's a dark place. 1.00

00:56:46.000 A dark fucking place. 1.00

00:56:47.000 People don't know. 1.00

00:56:48.000 You got Disneyland, and then everything that's outside of Disneyland is very strange.

00:56:48.000 No.

00:56:52.000 I took a lot of ecstasy to stay positive.

00:56:55.000 In Orlando?

00:56:56.000 Yeah.

00:56:58.000 When did you develop the New York accent?

00:57:00.000 I've always talked like this.

00:57:03.000 Really? 0.98

00:57:03.000 It's super fucking weird. 0.98

00:57:04.000 Is it hip-hop? 0.99

00:57:05.000 I think it's hip-hop, it's watching so much basketball, and then...

00:57:09.000 My parents don't speak English at home, so my English is learned.

00:57:15.000 So, in a way, I think it's you choose the way you talk, right?

00:57:19.000 Yeah.

00:57:20.000 Yeah.

00:57:21.000 So, it's just, all I did, I just watched gangster movies, listened to hip-hop, watched basketball, and it is what it is.

00:57:28.000 I've always sounded like this.

00:57:29.000 That's interesting, man.

00:57:31.000 Even when I was in Orlando, I remember there was a few girls, I was like, are you from Brooklyn?

00:57:35.000 And I was like, no.

00:57:37.000 D.C., Orlando, Pittsburgh, and then I've been in New York, Brooklyn for like 10 years, so then it just crystallized.

00:57:45.000 Solidified, crystallized.

00:57:46.000 It formed.

00:57:47.000 How long do you have to live in a place before you accept the accent?

00:57:53.000 Oh man. 1.00

00:57:54.000 Like if you're from Georgia, and then you move to New Jersey, and then you start talking like you're from New Jersey, and then you go back to Georgia, they're gonna go, what the fuck, man? 0.99

00:58:02.000 But you know, even if you spend a week in Atlanta, because in Atlanta you're just tossed. 0.91

00:58:06.000 You just scissor up and alcohol all weekend, and you get so faded that I end up saying things a little weird even after a week in Atlanta. 0.96

00:58:16.000 You get that fucked up when you go to Atlanta? 0.99

00:58:17.000 I get fucked up in Atlanta. 1.00

00:58:20.000 I like Atlanta. 1.00

00:58:20.000 Shouts to Cooker. 1.00

00:58:21.000 Alright, my man Cooker.

00:58:23.000 We went out to Follies last time.

00:58:24.000 It was awesome. 1.00

00:58:25.000 So, that's that shit with codeine in it? 1.00

00:58:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:58:29.000 Yeah.

00:58:30.000 But, you know, A $AP Yams passed like a week ago, man.

00:58:33.000 Is that what he passed from?

00:58:34.000 Nobody knows.

00:58:35.000 Who passed?

00:58:35.000 What?

00:58:36.000 There's no cause of death.

00:58:37.000 The guy, A $AP Yams, who's like the architect of the whole A $AP mob, this rap group from Harlem. 0.85

00:58:41.000 And he had this crew called the Blackout Boys.

00:58:44.000 And it's like...

00:58:45.000 My boy Aaron had a t-shirt, did the logo, Blackout Boys, and then they had a crew, they got a podcast, but he passed like a week ago, known scissor, Xanax dude, and so...

00:58:56.000 But they haven't, yeah, they haven't said why, right?

00:58:58.000 Yeah, no, they haven't said why.

00:59:00.000 But, you know, after it happened, I know a lot of friends of mine were just like, dude, we can't, we gotta chill with this.

00:59:06.000 We got to chill.

00:59:07.000 Well, that codeine syrup...

00:59:10.000 I never did it, but I did do some NyQuil.

00:59:12.000 I've talked about it on the podcast before.

00:59:14.000 I took NyQuil once.

00:59:15.000 I was really sick, and I got that old NyQuil.

00:59:17.000 This is like in the 1990s, and it was wonderful.

00:59:20.000 But NyQuil, like...

00:59:22.000 The real NyQuil.

00:59:23.000 Like half a bottle type of thing?

00:59:24.000 Yeah, there's codeine and some other stuff.

00:59:26.000 No, I didn't get...

00:59:27.000 I mean, I took the dose of what you were supposed to take.

00:59:29.000 Oh, your jelly leg.

00:59:31.000 Your jelly leg, yeah.

00:59:32.000 I was just lying in bed like the world was giving me a big beautiful hug.

00:59:35.000 It was all love.

00:59:37.000 It just felt so good.

00:59:38.000 I'll never forget.

00:59:39.000 I remember thinking, this stuff is wonderful.

00:59:42.000 Yeah, it's like drinking Robitussin in middle school or high school.

00:59:45.000 I would just drink Robitussin for fun.

00:59:47.000 Really?

00:59:48.000 Yeah.

00:59:49.000 Because you couldn't get alcohol.

00:59:50.000 Me and my boys just drank Robitussin.

00:59:53.000 So how did it get into the rap community?

00:59:55.000 Syrup.

00:59:56.000 Syrup.

00:59:56.000 What happened?

00:59:57.000 I think it was Houston.

00:59:59.000 Houston and Atlanta.

01:00:00.000 It was Southern.

01:00:01.000 It was just, you know, Pimp C, R.I.P. Like, Pimp C died too.

01:00:05.000 But, I mean, those dudes, all the rap a lot.

01:00:07.000 Yeah, the rap a lot dudes.

01:00:08.000 Because it slows your heart rate down.

01:00:09.000 That's how he died too?

01:00:10.000 He died from syrup?

01:00:11.000 He died.

01:00:12.000 Yams, we don't know.

01:00:12.000 Yeah.

01:00:13.000 Yams, nobody has confirmed.

01:00:15.000 So nobody knows how he passed.

01:00:16.000 But, like...

01:00:17.000 People know.

01:00:18.000 How old was he?

01:00:19.000 It's like an epidemic.

01:00:19.000 Was he 26?

01:00:21.000 Yeah, I was like 26, I think.

01:00:22.000 I'm not sure.

01:00:23.000 I'm not sure, man. 0.99

01:00:25.000 That's fucking young. 0.99

01:00:26.000 That's young to pass. 0.99

01:00:27.000 Yeah, that's why, I mean, I'm not joking about it anymore, because it's like, dude, it's pretty dangerous.

01:00:33.000 It'll creep up on you.

01:00:34.000 You think it's just cough syrup, but it'll creep up on you.

01:00:37.000 Wow. 1.00

01:00:38.000 Damn. 1.00

01:00:39.000 That's a thing with the youth today, though. 1.00

01:00:42.000 There's a lot of kids that are drinking cough syrup.

01:00:42.000 I know that.

01:00:44.000 Yeah.

01:00:45.000 I mean, I did it growing up, like not all the time, maybe like once or twice a year or something like that, but I never saw it as that serious.

01:00:54.000 But now you start to see people pass it.

01:00:56.000 It's serious, you know?

01:00:57.000 Well, they're doing it probably every day.

01:00:59.000 I'm not sure, man.

01:01:00.000 I'm not sure. 1.00

01:01:01.000 It's just not to be fucked with. 0.98

01:01:03.000 Also, people in Philly, like in Harlem, they'll do pancakes and syrup, which is you drop the Xanax into the codeine, and then that's just goodnight. 0.99

01:01:12.000 Oh my god.

01:01:14.000 That's goodnight.

01:01:14.000 Wow.

01:01:15.000 Oh my god.

01:01:15.000 Yeah.

01:01:16.000 We were in Boston two weeks ago, and there was this dude that was fucked up, and he was standing in front of the W Hotel, and Just standing there, his pants were like half falling down, and he just kept leaning forward like he was gonna face plant. 0.96

01:01:31.000 Like, he's going down, he's going down! 0.96

01:01:32.000 And then he'd catch himself. 0.99

01:01:33.000 And then he'd move forward every time he did it to the point where he was in the middle of the fucking road. 0.99

01:01:38.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:01:39.000 In the middle of the road, just fucked up and then leaning forward. 0.96

01:01:42.000 And my friend was like, he's drunk.

01:01:44.000 And I'm like, that guy is not drunk. 1.00

01:01:46.000 Like, that is some next level shit. 0.99

01:01:48.000 That's not drunk. 1.00

01:01:49.000 Yeah.

01:01:49.000 He's on some pills or something.

01:01:51.000 Yeah.

01:01:52.000 But he kept, like, leaning forward, and then we're like, he's going!

01:01:55.000 And he faceplanted and just catched himself.

01:01:57.000 We watched him, like, five minutes.

01:01:59.000 My friend was like, rescue him.

01:02:00.000 I'm like, rescue him?

01:02:01.000 You ain't rescuing that guy. 0.99

01:02:03.000 You rescue that guy, you gotta go back to his childhood, figure out what the fuck made him the way he is. 1.00

01:02:07.000 You gotta take a time machine, kill his parents. 1.00

01:02:10.000 You know, there's a lot of shit you gotta do to rescue that guy. 1.00

01:02:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:02:14.000 It'll put the hooks in you, man.

01:02:15.000 Like, that's why, you know, kids don't do drugs, right?

01:02:20.000 It's rough, man.

01:02:21.000 It's rough.

01:02:22.000 You don't need it.

01:02:23.000 You can just smoke some weed, kids.

01:02:25.000 Yeah, I don't even really smoke weed.

01:02:26.000 I mean, I smoked, like, three nights ago, but I've stopped having weed in the crib.

01:02:30.000 Like, I'll smoke when I'm out.

01:02:32.000 Yeah. 0.93

01:02:33.000 Because I noticed, like, I went through some family shit, and I noticed I would get really depressed when I smoked. 0.74

01:02:40.000 Like, it would just make me depressed. 0.98

01:02:41.000 And I was like, this really is a depressant.

01:02:43.000 So, I just smoke socially now.

01:02:46.000 In what way?

01:02:46.000 To make you depressed?

01:02:47.000 Like, when I'm really sad about, like, when there's something going on, I feel like I don't have my own self-control if I'm smoking weed.

01:02:54.000 Like, I can control the emotions and block things out, but once I smoke weed, it's just like, it'll hit you.

01:02:59.000 It makes you hyper-aware.

01:03:00.000 Yes, super aware.

01:03:01.000 You wallow in it.

01:03:03.000 Yeah, sometimes that's not protecting you. 0.99

01:03:06.000 But I always feel like the plant is trying to let me know all the real shit that I'm dealing with and all the dangers of all the shit that I'm dealing with. 0.97

01:03:14.000 That's like where paranoia comes from. 0.99

01:03:17.000 People say, weed makes me paranoid. 0.99

01:03:18.000 I'm like, well, you should be fucking paranoid if you're paying attention. 0.85

01:03:21.000 What weed is doing is letting you aware Letting you become aware of all the variables that may be pushing aside or putting blinders on. 0.97

01:03:30.000 Yeah, I think I've just been stressed lately, a lot of shit going on in my life, and I was like, whoa, I can't look at all this 24 hours.

01:03:40.000 I have to be able to just get away from this. 0.92

01:03:42.000 And when I was smoking weed, it was like, Kaboom!

01:03:45.000 I marinated in it.

01:03:46.000 And I was like, I can't do this, man.

01:03:49.000 So I got it out the house now, just smoking when I'm with friends, you know?

01:03:54.000 There you go.

01:03:55.000 Well, I think like everything, you know, you need moderation.

01:03:57.000 You can't just be high all day, every day.

01:04:01.000 You've taken breaks before too, right?

01:04:02.000 Oh yeah, I take weeks.

01:04:04.000 I'll take weeks off of it.

01:04:05.000 Like if I go on vacation or whatever, I always take breaks.

01:04:08.000 I've never gotten anything from smoking it.

01:04:12.000 I've been like eating it on occasion.

01:04:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:04:14.000 I got some shit right here. 0.99

01:04:16.000 I feel totally different eating. 0.99

01:04:16.000 We'll get you something. 0.99

01:04:18.000 I feel good eating it.

01:04:20.000 But smoking it just doesn't do it for me.

01:04:20.000 Yeah.

01:04:21.000 Well, I'll explain it because I've explained it a million times in the podcast.

01:04:24.000 People are tired of hearing it.

01:04:25.000 When you eat it, it's a totally different drug.

01:04:27.000 When you eat it, it's processed by your liver and it becomes something called 11-hydroxymetabolite.

01:04:27.000 Yeah.

01:04:31.000 It's four to five times more psychoactive than THC. But it's a totally different drug.

01:04:36.000 It's way more powerful.

01:04:37.000 That's why you can have one of those little 75-milligram THC candies.

01:04:42.000 You can have a 15-milligram THC. If you're Joey Diaz, you go with the 75. But those 15-milligram THC candies, they just give you a nice feeling, man.

01:04:51.000 You just feel good.

01:04:52.000 You feel relaxed.

01:04:54.000 Yeah, you're Iron Man with the eating because if I eat, I bug.

01:04:58.000 I bug out.

01:04:59.000 Yeah.

01:05:00.000 I can smoke.

01:05:01.000 It's about the volume.

01:05:02.000 It's like you just got to get the right guy to sell you the right amount.

01:05:06.000 The right amount is...

01:05:06.000 That's what it is.

01:05:08.000 I feel like 20 milligrams is good.

01:05:11.000 And you get crazy and you start getting into 50 and 75 and, you know...

01:05:15.000 I know dudes who go deep.

01:05:15.000 Yeah.

01:05:17.000 Like my friend Joey, he goes deep.

01:05:18.000 Joey will chomp two 150s. 0.92

01:05:22.000 Wow. 1.00

01:05:22.000 Yeah, he'll have panic attacks and shit on airplanes. 1.00

01:05:26.000 See, I ate an indica beef jerky, and I ate the whole jerky myself. 0.99

01:05:31.000 It was supposed to be dosed between a couple people, and I thought I died.

01:05:36.000 I woke up my brother, I thought I died, and I was like, I'm a ghost.

01:05:40.000 You gotta take me to the hospital.

01:05:42.000 And he took me to the hospital, and I'm doing jumping jacks in the emergency room.

01:05:47.000 Straight jumping jacks.

01:05:48.000 And they're like, why are you doing jumping jacks in the ER? And I was like, I need to feel alive.

01:05:52.000 I need to feel like my heart is beating.

01:05:53.000 If I stop, I'm gonna die.

01:05:54.000 Yeah, I was like, if I stop, I'm gonna die.

01:05:56.000 And the doctor rolled up on me.

01:05:57.000 He's like, son, there's nothing I can do for you.

01:05:59.000 I go, really?

01:06:00.000 Really?

01:06:01.000 I'm doing jumping jacks.

01:06:01.000 And he's like, I have one piece of advice.

01:06:03.000 And I go, what is it? 1.00

01:06:04.000 He goes, if you're gonna eat weed, don't be such a pussy about it. 0.99

01:06:11.000 But it got me sober. 1.00

01:06:12.000 This was the doctor.

01:06:14.000 Yeah, the doctor woke me out of it because all of a sudden I was like, wait, so you say I'm not going to die? 1.00

01:06:18.000 He goes, you're not going to die if you stop being a pussy. 1.00

01:06:20.000 Just stop it. 1.00

01:06:21.000 Whoa, the doctor said this?

01:06:22.000 How old was the doctor?

01:06:24.000 Dude, he was like a 40-year-old white dude.

01:06:26.000 Really cool.

01:06:27.000 In Houston.

01:06:28.000 I did this on the road in Houston.

01:06:30.000 Yeah, I don't need to be in Houston in Atlanta.

01:06:33.000 I just get in trouble.

01:06:34.000 Houston in Atlanta?

01:06:35.000 Why Houston in Atlanta?

01:06:37.000 You could just get a...

01:06:38.000 I had like a liter of something. 0.98

01:06:41.000 It was some sort of like vodka, some shitty vodka. 0.63

01:06:44.000 We rolled up to the Smoothie King because you could get the Smoothie King drive-thru. 0.68

01:06:48.000 Dump out half your smoothie, fill the rest with vodka and scissor, and then just goodnight.

01:06:54.000 Yeah.

01:06:54.000 Oh.

01:06:55.000 There's a place in West Palm.

01:06:56.000 There's the improv in West Palm.

01:06:59.000 It was right...

01:06:59.000 It was connected to this place.

01:07:01.000 I forget the name of it, but they used to have these drinks that were like...

01:07:05.000 It was like a frosty...

01:07:08.000 Like, what are those things?

01:07:09.000 Like, you know, you get them at the movie theater? 0.99

01:07:11.000 You know, they're fucking those... 0.99

01:07:13.000 Yeah, slushies. 1.00

01:07:14.000 Slushies.

01:07:14.000 Like a slushie.

01:07:15.000 But they were alcohol.

01:07:16.000 And there was one called Call a Cab.

01:07:19.000 Because if you drink it, you need to call a cab. 0.98

01:07:21.000 It was like five drinks in one drink, like five drinks worth of alcohol in one of these fucking things, and you would drink it, and you didn't know what you were drinking, because it was so sweet. 0.99

01:07:21.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:30.000 Like, as you were drinking it, it didn't feel like alcohol.

01:07:32.000 There's a slight alcohol taste to it. 1.00

01:07:34.000 But good lord, you're about to make some fucking poor decisions after you drink that shit. 1.00

01:07:39.000 Good lord. 1.00

01:07:40.000 And when I was younger, you'd just get up, you'd be in another town, you're like, yo, we in Atlanta, yo, let's wild out. 0.98

01:07:47.000 And it was like twice a year, I would just be like on my Lights Out dance shit, right? 0.91

01:07:52.000 I'm like, yo, it's time to do the Lights Out dance. 0.98

01:07:56.000 That's what you call blacking out?

01:07:57.000 Yeah.

01:07:58.000 The lights out dance.

01:07:59.000 Remember Sean Merriman played for the Chargers?

01:08:01.000 He was doing the crazy lights out dance?

01:08:03.000 And I was like, yo, I'm about to do the lights out dance.

01:08:05.000 But I had to chill, man. 1.00

01:08:07.000 After that, I was like, I'm too old for this shit. 1.00

01:08:10.000 Well, it's very, very bad for the liver. 1.00

01:08:13.000 Yeah.

01:08:14.000 You gotta get out of here.

01:08:15.000 Randall's gotta go.

01:08:16.000 Want to let him out, man?

01:08:17.000 Thanks so much, guys.

01:08:18.000 Thanks, Randall.

01:08:20.000 Appreciate it, man.

01:08:21.000 Of course.

01:08:22.000 Gotta pick up my daughter.

01:08:25.000 Alright, sir.

01:08:26.000 I'll talk to you soon.

01:08:27.000 Thanks for being on the show.

01:08:29.000 Of course.

01:08:30.000 And good luck, man.

01:08:31.000 Good luck with the show. 1.00

01:08:32.000 Good luck with all that North Korea shit too, son. 1.00

01:08:34.000 No, he's the best dude. 1.00

01:08:36.000 For real.

01:08:36.000 Yeah, I hung out with him before the show.

01:08:38.000 He's a good dude.

01:08:39.000 Yeah.

01:08:39.000 That's a crazy position to be in, man.

01:08:41.000 To play a dictator in a movie that gets banned.

01:08:45.000 Sony is so scared of it, they pull it out of the movie theater.

01:08:48.000 I have so much respect for him because you meet a lot of people who they'll do anything for a role.

01:08:55.000 He was trying to give his role back and be like, I don't think I'm the one for this.

01:08:59.000 That's amazing.

01:09:00.000 I was like, I've never seen Honor like this from anybody in this industry.

01:09:04.000 So, I mean, he's for real.

01:09:06.000 Yeah, that's amazing that he made that decision.

01:09:09.000 It's amazing that the movie freaked him out less than the show.

01:09:14.000 Yeah.

01:09:15.000 You know, one of them was just social pressure or social responsibility and the other one being like a real legitimate threat where Sony's hiring armed guards.

01:09:24.000 Yeah.

01:09:24.000 And it seems like he freaked out about that less than your show.

01:09:28.000 For him, it was more morals and values and like representing.

01:09:31.000 He used to be like an Asian studies professor.

01:09:34.000 Really?

01:09:34.000 Yeah.

01:09:35.000 There's kids, like I'll put up a photo of him on Instagram and they're like, yo, that's Randall Park.

01:09:39.000 He was my professor or my like graduate assistant or whatever.

01:09:43.000 Wow.

01:09:43.000 Wow, that's hilarious.

01:09:45.000 Well, he seems like a very educated, measured sort of a dude.

01:09:49.000 Yeah, real smart.

01:09:51.000 That's a wild, wild thing, man, to be a part of one of the most controversial movies in all of history.

01:09:57.000 I mean, if you think about Hollywood movies...

01:09:59.000 Probably the most controversial.

01:10:00.000 It's right up there with Passion of the Christ.

01:10:02.000 Do you remember Passion of the Christ?

01:10:03.000 Yeah.

01:10:04.000 Well, there was that one, and there was the other one before Passion of the Christ.

01:10:08.000 Willem Dafoe played Jesus in a much more controversial film a long fucking time ago.

01:10:16.000 I don't remember that one.

01:10:19.000 Do you know what I'm talking about? 0.99

01:10:20.000 Yeah, I don't remember the name of it, but people were mad as fuck. 0.98

01:10:23.000 Because I think he had a sexual relationship with Mary in the movie or something like that. 0.99

01:10:27.000 The Last Temptation of Christ.

01:10:29.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:30.000 People thought it was blasphemous.

01:10:32.000 But it's still... 0.99

01:10:33.000 The thing about Christians is, man, you can piss them off and they'll fucking get angry and you get a few death threats, but it's not like someone drawing Muhammad, like this Charlie Hebdo thing. 1.00

01:10:44.000 That's the most fucked up of all the religions to pick on. 1.00

01:10:49.000 You pick on the Muslims and they do dark shit. 1.00

01:10:51.000 You start to see a pattern though, right? 1.00

01:10:53.000 It's like...

01:10:54.000 People, whether it's France or America, people in like a position of power, feel like they're entitled, right?

01:11:02.000 We talked about entitlement.

01:11:04.000 They feel entitled like I have to be able to make fun of everybody.

01:11:07.000 And sometimes it's just, is it worth it?

01:11:10.000 Well, they think that you've got to change the culture.

01:11:13.000 I think a lot of people think that it's almost a responsibility to take those risks because at the end of the day, anybody that is angry to the point where they want to kill someone for satire is in the wrong.

01:11:26.000 No, it is.

01:11:27.000 And you have to protect free speech.

01:11:30.000 And the only way to protect free speech, like Sam Harris felt that everyone should have, like unilaterally across the board, like every magazine, every newspaper should have published all those images.

01:11:40.000 That's the only way they could ever protect free speech.

01:11:43.000 How do you feel?

01:11:44.000 Well, I'm not a publisher, so I see Sam's point, but I also see the point of people that don't want to publish it because they don't want to risk their lives for something that they feel like is a story they're reporting on.

01:11:55.000 They don't feel like it's their responsibility because they didn't create those cartoons, but they feel like this is a story they're reporting on.

01:12:01.000 They can report on that story without putting them in danger.

01:12:04.000 Yeah.

01:12:05.000 This is not like the first time someone's been killed for making a drawing about Muhammad.

01:12:10.000 I mean, there's Like there were some credible threats against the South Park guys after they did those episodes of South Park where they had Mohammed in like a guy like was in a teddy bear outfit and then they put him inside a truck he was talking from inside a truck and they still were getting like credible threats like people were saying they were gonna kill him.

01:12:31.000 I absolutely believe in everybody's freedom of speech to say whatever it is you want to say like you have to have that right but You also have to know there's gonna be repercussions you can't expect.

01:12:43.000 Yeah.

01:12:44.000 And you have to calculate it, right?

01:12:46.000 Because it's also, do you have to, like, did we have to make the interview?

01:12:51.000 Did that movie have to get made?

01:12:53.000 I didn't see it, so I can't say.

01:12:54.000 If I saw it and it was as funny as, like, Team America, I would say, yeah.

01:12:58.000 Yo, I love Team America.

01:12:59.000 You know, I don't even think North Korea's mad about Team America.

01:13:02.000 It's so good. 0.98

01:13:02.000 I fucking love Team America. 0.98

01:13:02.000 No. 0.98

01:13:04.000 But that's why the South Park dudes, I love them.

01:13:06.000 Because they have a purpose and there's something they're really saying.

01:13:09.000 And it's like everybody can be in on it in a way.

01:13:13.000 The interview is not nuanced like that.

01:13:16.000 Randall does a really good job for, I'd say, two-thirds of the movie humanizing Kim Jong-un.

01:13:22.000 But then, of course, the writing takes a dive and it just is like, okay, here's everything we expected to see in this movie.

01:13:28.000 They had to wrap it up, probably.

01:13:29.000 They wrapped it up, Hollywood proper.

01:13:33.000 For people who are in oppressed countries or in oppressed ideology, it's why continue to poke them. 0.99

01:13:41.000 You know they're going to respond badly.

01:13:43.000 You kind of have a responsibility. 0.99

01:13:45.000 People just don't fucking poke that dog. 0.99

01:13:49.000 And if you're gonna poke that dog, you gotta have a real, solid, legitimate point to what you're doing. 0.98

01:13:55.000 Yeah, there has to be a positive social benefit to what's going on here.

01:14:00.000 It's not just to create a stunt to flex the muscle of freedom of speech.

01:14:05.000 Yeah, there's deep responsibilities that you have when you tackle any Really super controversial subject.

01:14:11.000 This is some deep responsibilities.

01:14:13.000 Yeah.

01:14:14.000 And that's one of one of the deepest, right?

01:14:16.000 Yeah, just even me and you. 0.99

01:14:17.000 I probably have the legal right to say whatever the fuck I want to say. 0.51

01:14:20.000 But like, why would I say that to you? 0.94

01:14:22.000 I respect you.

01:14:23.000 You know, I mean, you know, we do it in our daily lives.

01:14:26.000 Well, you could see, you know, I mean, I could see if they I don't know.

01:14:30.000 The Charlie Hebdo thing is strange because what was really fascinating to me was not necessarily...

01:14:37.000 I mean, it was horrible what had happened.

01:14:39.000 It wasn't necessarily surprising, right?

01:14:43.000 But what was surprising to me was like super progressive people who were criticizing the magazine, saying that this is in response for racist cartoons.

01:14:54.000 And they were almost justifying it in a way.

01:14:56.000 They were saying they weren't justifying it, but by focusing on what they felt was racist cartoons instead of like, so what?

01:15:04.000 You know, the assassins stormed a magazine and shot people.

01:15:09.000 At a grocery store, yeah.

01:15:11.000 Yeah, you guys are looking for social brownie points by trying to be like the most progressive, sensitive, non-racist people alive.

01:15:18.000 There's only one response.

01:15:20.000 The response is you should never kill someone for drawing something, period.

01:15:24.000 Absolutely.

01:15:25.000 Absolutely.

01:15:29.000 I fully agree with you. 0.99

01:15:31.000 There's no justification for any of this radical fucking stuff. 0.99

01:15:36.000 Do you know what I mean? 0.99

01:15:38.000 I don't even connect it to Islam.

01:15:41.000 I think it's a cover.

01:15:42.000 It has nothing to do with Islam. 0.94

01:15:44.000 These are just people on their own doing wild, crazy, abhorrent behavior.

01:15:50.000 My thing is, as the rational people in this situation, as the rational people in a relationship to these radical movements, it's just, why incite it?

01:15:59.000 It's not worth it.

01:16:00.000 You know?

01:16:01.000 Like, we have to be better.

01:16:02.000 Right, but when does it end?

01:16:04.000 I mean, how do you stop that sort of behavior? 0.84

01:16:06.000 Do you kill everybody who thinks like that?

01:16:08.000 I mean, how do you end... 0.94

01:16:08.000 What do you do? 0.94

01:16:09.000 Well, people keep joining ISIS. Right.

01:16:11.000 And people keep joining Al-Qaeda.

01:16:13.000 And, you know, there's a lot of those, you know, Vice, I think, did something called, like, Children of the Drones.

01:16:18.000 And talked about how, I think me and Shane talked about it last time we were here.

01:16:24.000 But it's, you know, people whose families have been killed by drones, they'll sign up. 0.84

01:16:29.000 Of course.

01:16:30.000 They'll go do that.

01:16:31.000 And you would, too.

01:16:32.000 And I would too. 1.00

01:16:33.000 If you were in that land and your family got killed by some fucking robot shooting missiles out of the sky and they killed the wrong people, which happens way more often than not. 1.00

01:16:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:16:46.000 They're way more unsuccessful than they are successful.

01:16:49.000 Like, think about it this way, Joe.

01:16:51.000 Like, their lives just don't count like our lives matter.

01:16:54.000 You know, this happened in Paris.

01:16:56.000 There's a terrible tragedy.

01:16:56.000 It was terrible.

01:16:58.000 There's no justification for any of this.

01:17:00.000 But then it's, you know, what's going on with Boko Haram?

01:17:03.000 Those lives aren't worth as much as the ones in Paris, at least in the eyes of the press and in the eyes of the aid. 0.90

01:17:10.000 Because there's Somalis that were killed and they're black. 0.54

01:17:14.000 I mean, I think, yeah, those are some of the factors.

01:17:17.000 I think there's even more, but even with drones, it's like we accept that innocent people get killed.

01:17:22.000 If this was in America, I mean, we wouldn't accept this.

01:17:26.000 Imagine if cops were using drones. 0.99

01:17:28.000 We wouldn't fucking accept that. 0.99

01:17:30.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

01:17:31.000 It's Nigeria, actually.

01:17:34.000 Yeah.

01:17:35.000 I was wrong.

01:17:36.000 I don't know, man.

01:17:38.000 The world today, the climate of the world today, it's so disturbing.

01:17:42.000 It's so disturbing that we would think it's okay to engage in a practice where the great majority of the people that get killed by that practice are innocent, which is what drones are.

01:17:54.000 Yeah.

01:17:54.000 And also the thing for me is just like, I definitely...

01:17:58.000 I definitely fully agree with you that there's never a reason to kill anyone over a satirical article, picture, whatever.

01:18:07.000 But the fact of the matter is, do we want to save lives or do we want to make a statement about free speech?

01:18:13.000 I think it's about saving lives.

01:18:15.000 I think it's about doing the right thing and saying, these people feel oppressed.

01:18:18.000 We've killed, you know, who knows why they're joining ISIS, who knows why they're joining Al-Qaeda, but we need to go the extra mile and figure out why they're mad, address these things, and not just, like, sit on our high horse.

01:18:33.000 Because they're mad!

01:18:35.000 And they probably have some reason for it, and whether it's rational or not, let's diffuse it instead of inciting it.

01:18:42.000 Like, that's my opinion, is that we're not wrong, but, like, let's solve the problem.

01:18:46.000 And the other problem is, once you have someone whose child, who's the child of someone who was killed by drones, or your children were killed by drones, and you become, you know, this sort of a radical fundamentalist You can't turn that around.

01:19:02.000 There's no eye for an eye there.

01:19:06.000 You've created something that almost has to go through generations and generations in order to calm down.

01:19:11.000 And there's no way to have any sort of immediate fix.

01:19:14.000 And everybody wants an immediate fix.

01:19:16.000 You want an immediate fix.

01:19:16.000 Oh no, man.

01:19:17.000 This is going to take hundreds of years.

01:19:20.000 Imagine even if you weren't killed by drones or you're just a kid in Iraq or Afghanistan and you've seen your entire neighborhood blown up and you're born into this life.

01:19:28.000 You have no choice.

01:19:29.000 You have nowhere to go.

01:19:31.000 You have no opportunity.

01:19:32.000 There's no hope.

01:19:33.000 And then, the one thing you have is religion.

01:19:36.000 You see people writing these cartoons, making fun of you.

01:19:39.000 What else do you have? 0.72

01:19:41.000 We're really kicking people who have nothing. 0.96

01:19:44.000 And when you poke people who have nothing, It's not reasonable, but bad things are going to happen.

01:19:51.000 And that's what fuels the sort of crazy conspiracy theories about the military-industrial complex being this sort of perpetual war machine.

01:19:59.000 Like, create enemies like that.

01:20:02.000 That's the way to create enemies. 0.76

01:20:04.000 Destroy areas. 1.00

01:20:05.000 Kill a million innocent people in Iraq. 0.99

01:20:08.000 That's the number that I've heard. 0.88

01:20:10.000 I mean, I don't know.

01:20:11.000 Somewhere between several hundred thousand and a million innocent people have died as a direct result of our actions in Iraq.

01:20:19.000 Just that number alone, man. 0.97

01:20:20.000 That's almost ensuring there's going to be some sort of a fucking military conflict over there for a long time. 0.92

01:20:27.000 And the people that are alive today that are involved in selling arms in the military industrial complex, they're going to profit off of that action for a long time. 0.89

01:20:36.000 And what do we have against these people?

01:20:37.000 You don't have anything against them.

01:20:39.000 I don't have anything against them.

01:20:40.000 How could you?

01:20:40.000 I don't know why we're there.

01:20:41.000 Like, no idea.

01:20:42.000 We're there for false pretenses for both places, whether it's Afghanistan or Iraq.

01:20:47.000 The idea behind it was a lie, especially Iraq. 0.93

01:20:51.000 I mean, the idea that...

01:20:53.000 The one thing is like, hey, you know, we got rid of a dictator.

01:20:55.000 Yeah, we definitely did. 1.00

01:20:57.000 He's a piece of shit. 1.00

01:20:57.000 No doubt about it. 1.00

01:20:58.000 But as a piece of shit, we propped up. 1.00

01:21:00.000 We put him in the place in the first place. 1.00

01:21:02.000 We helped him out.

01:21:03.000 Yeah.

01:21:03.000 And now what's better?

01:21:04.000 What's better?

01:21:05.000 Is that better than ISIS? I mean, we divided that country.

01:21:08.000 Yeah.

01:21:09.000 You know, we divided that country and then...

01:21:11.000 Palestine, all the countries had something to do with that.

01:21:14.000 And then we look at Iraq and people, even the cynical ones are like, we're there for oil.

01:21:19.000 But look at oil prices now.

01:21:21.000 With fracking and natural gas, now the oil prices dropped.

01:21:23.000 So now why are we still fighting people?

01:21:26.000 Well, there's still money.

01:21:27.000 You know, even though there's not as much money, there's still a shitload of oil.

01:21:32.000 Yeah, like I'm against fracking, but if it can create Middle East peace, like maybe I'm for fracking. 1.00

01:21:36.000 You know what I mean?

01:21:37.000 Like I'm definitely against fracking, but it's just like we can't win with anything, man.

01:21:41.000 Yeah, that's... 0.98

01:21:42.000 People are gross. 0.98

01:21:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:21:44.000 Yeah.

01:21:46.000 In many ways.

01:21:47.000 Yeah, and they say the world temperature was the hottest year ever on record since they kept...

01:21:52.000 And they said that by 2025, it's going to greenhouse gases, the temperature of the earth will be irreversible.

01:21:58.000 And like...

01:21:59.000 Who knows if that's true, but I feel like we should just start to work on it now.

01:22:05.000 Well, they could start to work on it now, but I think the real issue is once the cycle has begun, it's almost impossible to turn around.

01:22:14.000 It's kind of got to play out.

01:22:16.000 I had this guy Randall Carlson on my podcast, and he's going to be on again soon. 0.99

01:22:20.000 I'm going to pull that shit up. 0.99

01:22:22.000 February 2nd. 1.00

01:22:26.000 He'll be back again.

01:22:27.000 And he's a fascinating guy, and he's an expert on cataclysmic events.

01:22:32.000 Oh, wow.

01:22:33.000 And global warming, he said, is far preferable to global cooling.

01:22:39.000 He's like, everybody that's worried about global warming, all the great periods in history as far as advancement, as far as innovation, civilization, they all have followed global warming.

01:22:51.000 Global cooling, on the other hand, these were all natural cycles. 0.93

01:22:55.000 Before we started inventing machines and carbon emissions and all that shit. 0.98

01:22:58.000 But the global cooling, he said, ice ages is terrible. 0.95

01:23:02.000 Yeah, I mean, we could debate this forever, but the thing is that this is an artificial warming.

01:23:08.000 Well, it's artificially accelerated.

01:23:10.000 There's a natural cycle that you could track that's always existed of warming and cooling and uncontrollable, like the Ice Age.

01:23:18.000 That wasn't caused by man.

01:23:20.000 And the ending of the Ice Age also wasn't caused by man.

01:23:23.000 They believe it was caused by asteroidal impacts.

01:23:25.000 Around 12,000 years ago.

01:23:27.000 But this is something that Randall's an expert in.

01:23:30.000 I mean, he had these charts and graphs and showed us all these photographic pieces of evidence.

01:23:36.000 Does he think global warming's a good thing?

01:23:38.000 No.

01:23:39.000 No, he doesn't.

01:23:40.000 Well, he, you know, everyone's like, the debate is settled.

01:23:42.000 He's like, the debate hasn't even begun.

01:23:44.000 Like, it hasn't even begun.

01:23:45.000 But he's saying, this is not, it's, look, it's definitely not good.

01:23:49.000 Pollutants aren't good.

01:23:51.000 Particulates are what he's really worried about more than the warming.

01:23:53.000 He's worried about what we're doing to the air and places where they're burning coal.

01:23:57.000 If you look at China and these cities that are almost unoccupiable.

01:24:01.000 People can't live there. 1.00

01:24:02.000 They're walking around with fucking masks on their face everywhere. 1.00

01:24:05.000 The sky is perpetually dark gray. 1.00

01:24:07.000 He said, that's particulates.

01:24:09.000 He said, that's what we should really, really be concerned with, pollutants, what we're doing to the ocean.

01:24:14.000 But he's like, global warming is a bad thing, but it's not nearly as bad as the alternative.

01:24:20.000 That's interesting.

01:24:21.000 He said, global cooling is terrible.

01:24:22.000 Terrifying.

01:24:22.000 I gotta listen to that one.

01:24:24.000 Woo, he scared the fuck out of me.

01:24:26.000 Yeah. 0.89

01:24:27.000 Well, he also scared the fuck out of me because he was explaining all the verifiable instances of asteroid impacts throughout history.

01:24:35.000 Verifiable.

01:24:36.000 Where they've...

01:24:37.000 Asteroids have hit, or comets have hit, things have hit the Earth, and just...

01:24:41.000 Fucked everything sideways.

01:24:43.000 They tie this into these ancient structures that are totally unexplained. 0.56

01:24:48.000 There's some ancient structures from pre-10,000 years ago.

01:24:52.000 They didn't even know people could build these kind of things back then.

01:24:55.000 They thought that 10,000 years ago people were hunters and gatherers.

01:24:59.000 So they've tried to explain a lot of these structures, especially because they're made out of stone.

01:25:03.000 They've tried to explain them by saying, no, they were built much sooner by modern people, and they just forgot how they built them.

01:25:10.000 They were built like 2,000 years ago or something like that.

01:25:12.000 But since they've discovered some structures that they have verified that are 12,000, 14,000 years old, like there's some stuff in Turkey that they found, this place called Gobekli Tepe, they found for sure 12,000 years old, huge stone columns with 3D reliefs of animals on them and shit,

01:25:30.000 all really sophisticated stuff. 0.95

01:25:32.000 Hunters and gatherers at the time they were supposed to be wearing animal skins and throwing pointy sticks at fucking moving creatures, you know?

01:25:38.000 So the this guy Randall Carlson points to all these These instances of core samples where they find a stuff called nuclear glass that only exists on nuclear blast test sites and Where asteroids hit it's all over Europe and Asia at around 12,000 years in the core samples and Wow.

01:25:58.000 So there's unverifiable evidence.

01:25:58.000 Yeah.

01:26:00.000 And this is not just him.

01:26:01.000 There's also all these other geologists that have found these micro-diamonds that only exist from massive impact craters, massive impacts, just huge, powerful events.

01:26:13.000 So they think that somewhere around 12,000 years ago, we were just hit.

01:26:18.000 And that happens.

01:26:19.000 It's not whether or not it's going to happen again.

01:26:22.000 It's when is it going to happen again.

01:26:24.000 And you never know when.

01:26:25.000 You never know when.

01:26:25.000 And things come behind the sun and we can't even see them until it's too late.

01:26:28.000 Because the sun, the gravity of the sun, bends space and time because it's so immense that you literally can't see them when they're headed your way.

01:26:35.000 They're headed your way but we can't view them.

01:26:39.000 So there's things that pass near us that we didn't see until it's like, oh Jesus.

01:26:43.000 Life's really too short, fam.

01:26:46.000 It's really too short.

01:26:47.000 And even if you don't get hit by an asteroid.

01:26:49.000 Dude, I'm 47. I'm halfway dead.

01:26:51.000 Looking good, Joe.

01:26:52.000 Thank you very much.

01:26:53.000 But there's no getting around that.

01:26:55.000 Even if you stay looking good.

01:26:57.000 I met Cindy Crawford.

01:26:58.000 I think she's like 51 or something like that.

01:27:00.000 So bad still.

01:27:01.000 Yeah.

01:27:02.000 Yeah.

01:27:03.000 Still bad.

01:27:03.000 Smoking.

01:27:04.000 Whoa! 1.00

01:27:05.000 You know, some girls, they hit that wall hard, but this bitch has been preparing for that wall. 1.00

01:27:10.000 She's got fucking rubber shoes. 1.00

01:27:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:27:13.000 She puts her feet up.

01:27:14.000 She's bouncing back.

01:27:15.000 I don't know what she's doing, but whatever she's doing, she should write books and give seminars. 0.99

01:27:19.000 Yeah, she broke through that wall.

01:27:21.000 She's doing something.

01:27:22.000 She's beautiful.

01:27:23.000 I mean, not just beautiful for 50. She's beautiful.

01:27:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:27:27.000 So, you know, but that doesn't matter. 0.96

01:27:28.000 She's going to die, too. 0.99

01:27:29.000 They all die. 0.99

01:27:30.000 Everybody dies.

01:27:31.000 So whether you get hit by an asteroid or global cooling or global warming or...

01:27:36.000 But the reality is civilization itself might not exist if we get hit. 0.93

01:27:41.000 That's why all the other shit we're talking about, people are like, they treat it like life and death, and it's just like, like, come on, man. 0.96

01:27:47.000 It's perspective. 0.99

01:27:48.000 Nothing's worth it.

01:27:49.000 It's all perspective. 1.00

01:27:50.000 I mean, it's life and death for them, because their life is dog shit. 1.00

01:27:53.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

01:27:54.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:27:55.000 If your life is amazing, it's not life and death if somebody draws a cartoon of your fucking leader. 1.00

01:27:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:28:00.000 But even when I was broke just selling, doing whatever, like fucking around, like, life was still dope. 0.84

01:28:00.000 You know? 0.84

01:28:05.000 It was mad fun.

01:28:06.000 Well, you're a fun dude.

01:28:07.000 You got a great personality, which is why you should be some sort of an entertainer in the first place, you know?

01:28:12.000 Agent Joe Pesci.

01:28:13.000 We make this happen.

01:28:15.000 You want to be De Niro?

01:28:15.000 You want to be Ace?

01:28:16.000 No.

01:28:17.000 Come on.

01:28:18.000 I'm not interested.

01:28:19.000 You don't want to run the Tangiers?

01:28:20.000 No.

01:28:21.000 I think I do too much as it is.

01:28:22.000 It's too confusing already being a podcaster slash cage-fighting commentator slash stand-up comedian. 0.99

01:28:28.000 That shit is all too confusing. 1.00

01:28:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:28:31.000 You're UFC. You kill it on UFC, though.

01:28:33.000 That shit is great, man. 1.00

01:28:34.000 I'm not even a big UFC fan, but just because when it's on at the bar or my friends are watching, it's fucking dope to see you on that shit, man. 1.00

01:28:41.000 Oh, thanks, man. 0.99

01:28:41.000 I enjoy doing it. 0.99

01:28:42.000 It's fun. 0.61

01:28:43.000 It's crazy how the athletes, the level of athletes, is just fucking through the roof now.

01:28:48.000 You're getting these John Jones-type characters, Anthony Johnson-type characters, that you see high-level athletes now that probably would have been playing other professional sports like baseball or basketball or something like that, and now they're fighting in MMA, and you're seeing just, woo! 0.99

01:29:02.000 Just some high-level shit. 0.99

01:29:04.000 Gladiator shit. 1.00

01:29:05.000 I could never imagine fighting any of those dudes. 1.00

01:29:10.000 Dude, you gotta want to do that and only that.

01:29:14.000 That's gotta be what you want to do.

01:29:16.000 There's people that, like, David was on the podcast once, David Cho, and he was talking to me about, you know, he wanted to have an MMA fight.

01:29:22.000 I'm like, don't do it.

01:29:24.000 He's like, I just want to do it just to say I did it.

01:29:25.000 I'm like, don't.

01:29:26.000 You're gonna fight somebody...

01:29:28.000 You fight someone who lives for it, and you can't do that.

01:29:31.000 You fight some dude, and he'll head kick you, and you'll be depressed for the rest of your life. 0.99

01:29:35.000 Yeah, Cho's so fucking talented, and he really can do 99% of everything he wants to do, but UFC is in that 1%, and it's like, Cho, no matter how talented you are, you will get fucked up. 0.97

01:29:45.000 Well, I mean, if he dedicated his whole life to it, I mean, from the time he was, like, 15 on... 0.94

01:29:50.000 Not if Critter's training him. 0.99

01:29:52.000 Like, Critter fucking broke his rib. 0.99

01:29:53.000 Like, Critter's idea of being his personal trainer is just, like, kicking him in the stomach. 0.99

01:29:57.000 And it's like, take it, Dave.

01:29:58.000 Did he do that?

01:29:59.000 Yeah, man.

01:30:00.000 Dude, he broke his rib somehow, training him.

01:30:00.000 He kicked him in the stomach?

01:30:04.000 And then I remember I asked Critter, like, what's he doing?

01:30:06.000 He's like, oh, I got Dave, like, running down the street, man.

01:30:08.000 He's just running down the street.

01:30:09.000 What the...

01:30:11.000 Critter's gonna break Joe.

01:30:14.000 But it's perfect for Joe to have a guy like Critter. 0.90

01:30:17.000 He's so crazy.

01:30:19.000 Critter's hilarious. 1.00

01:30:20.000 All that shit that went down with him, there was the same thing that we were talking about earlier. 0.98

01:30:24.000 The social justice warriors attacked him because of the story that he told on his podcast. 0.99

01:30:28.000 But if you know Dave, he's got this flair for entertainment where he exaggerates the truth.

01:30:33.000 There's no one coming forward to say that he raped them. 0.99

01:30:36.000 This is like He's bullshitting. 0.98

01:30:39.000 It's half bullshitting for fun, for theater, for excitement. 0.97

01:30:45.000 Dude, these days, man, you never know.

01:30:48.000 Well, people are just waiting to get upset.

01:30:50.000 Instead of actually getting upset, they're waiting to get upset.

01:30:53.000 And also, people have one perspective only.

01:30:56.000 I watched this.

01:30:57.000 Here's a perfect example.

01:30:59.000 I was online today and I was following this abortion debate between these two people and it was the most bizarre thing ever where someone was talking about at what age does the fetus become a person.

01:31:16.000 And the argument, like, watching both sides go back and forth.

01:31:20.000 And it wasn't even, this wasn't even, like, a right-wing versus left-wing side.

01:31:25.000 It was, like, someone who was, like, an objective rationalist, who was debating someone who was a hardcore left-winger, who was also, like, one of these, like, super white knights defending women, you know? 0.53

01:31:35.000 And one of the arguments was, it was so hilarious, that it's a woman's right to choose.

01:31:40.000 I have no business saying what a woman should or shouldn't do with her body, which is... 1.00

01:31:45.000 Universally, I agree with that as well.

01:31:48.000 But what they were saying was, this is where it got really crazy.

01:31:52.000 No person has the right to exist in another person's body without permission.

01:32:00.000 So what they were saying, the argument was that a baby doesn't have the right to use a woman's body without her permission. 0.99

01:32:07.000 I was like, this is fucking crazy. 0.99

01:32:10.000 A baby cannot use a woman's body without her permission. 1.00

01:32:12.000 They're so pro-woman.

01:32:14.000 So pro-right.

01:32:15.000 You were talking about like nine months in.

01:32:17.000 Like at what point...

01:32:18.000 The real debate was, and this is, I think, is a real debate.

01:32:21.000 And this is, again, coming from me, who's pro-choice.

01:32:23.000 There's a real debate as to when is that a person. 1.00

01:32:26.000 And to say that it's not a debate is fucking horse shit. 0.99

01:32:29.000 To say that it's not a debate that a woman who gives birth tomorrow kills the baby today and it's her prerogative. 1.00

01:32:35.000 Like, okay, really?

01:32:37.000 Like, at what time is this creepy?

01:32:40.000 At what time is this abhorrent behavior when someone has a living being inside their body?

01:32:46.000 Well, it's not a living being until it's born.

01:32:49.000 Really?

01:32:50.000 Like, come on, man.

01:32:51.000 You have to have some flexibility to your perception because this is a strange and very unusual situation where you can terminate a life.

01:33:00.000 I mean, I think you can terminate a life.

01:33:03.000 I mean, the image that they were showing was a three-day-old embryo and the head of a pin started this conversation, which just looks like a few cells. 0.99

01:33:12.000 But when it's a fucking baby with an umbilical cord and a heartbeat and eyes and its fingers are moving, like, whoa. 0.98

01:33:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:33:20.000 To pretend that's just, you know, no person has a right to use a woman's body without her permission. 0.95

01:33:26.000 Like, oh, really?

01:33:27.000 You're absolutely right that there is a debate that is being had constantly at what point something becomes a human being.

01:33:35.000 Because there are people, I mean...

01:33:37.000 Obviously it's a human being once it comes out.

01:33:39.000 Yeah.

01:33:40.000 It's not a black and white issue.

01:33:41.000 It's just not.

01:33:42.000 It's not.

01:33:43.000 It's very...

01:33:44.000 I'm super pro-choice, though, and I just, as a man, I feel like women need to decide what they want to do with their bodies. 0.76

01:33:51.000 And, you know, we run so much in this world that, for me, I just don't want to legislate women's bodies, like, from my perspective. 0.92

01:33:58.000 Even though it sucked to be in a personal situation, if I had a girl and we were having a kid, Eight months in, she doesn't like me anymore, doesn't want to have a kid and wants to... 0.53

01:34:07.000 I mean, dude.

01:34:08.000 Right. 1.00

01:34:09.000 That would be some shit. 0.99

01:34:10.000 Well, not only that, does a woman even have a right to tell a woman what she can and can't do for her body? 0.99

01:34:15.000 Obviously, a man, we don't understand. 1.00

01:34:17.000 We don't ever get pregnant.

01:34:18.000 It's not our concern.

01:34:19.000 Or it's not up to us to decide, I should say.

01:34:24.000 But for a woman, can a woman tell another woman that she can't have an abortion at nine months? 0.99

01:34:28.000 I mean, like, what...

01:34:30.000 Where do we draw this line?

01:34:32.000 It's also a question, too, like, where, like, does the government have an ability to legislate?

01:34:37.000 Imagine if you were dating someone and you guys were having a kid and she was eight months pregnant and just on a whim decided, you know what, I feel like I don't want this baby to be a tenant in my stomach anymore. 0.91

01:34:47.000 Yeah, this baby does not, there's a person who does not have permission to use my body.

01:34:52.000 Like, whoa.

01:34:52.000 That was the way they phrased it.

01:34:54.000 That would really test my intellectual and, like, reasonableness, right?

01:34:59.000 That would really put me to the test.

01:35:01.000 And that's why when you think about those situations, you're like, can we even logically vote on this?

01:35:06.000 Like, you can't really have an opinion or vote on this until you're in that situation.

01:35:10.000 You kind of, like, it needs to be...

01:35:12.000 Well, the person he was debating with started insulting him, the super left-wing white knight person, started insulting him and calling him an idiot, which is always when you know that they're falling apart in the debate, because he was saying, okay, well, you were saying before that it's not a person, and now you're saying no person has the right to use someone's body without their permission. 0.99

01:35:32.000 So what the fuck is it? 0.99

01:35:33.000 Is it a person? 1.00

01:35:35.000 Are you killing a person that doesn't have the right to use your body?

01:35:37.000 Or is it not a person until it's born?

01:35:39.000 And then they start insulting them because they realize the moral conundrum, the logical conundrum that they're in.

01:35:47.000 There's no black and white there.

01:35:50.000 Whether you're a pro-choice or whether you're pro-life, that issue is a very bizarre issue.

01:35:56.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm all about women's rights and the rights over their body. 1.00

01:35:59.000 That one, that one, I don't have the answer.

01:36:02.000 Nor do I want to be part of the decision making, to be honest. 0.97

01:36:05.000 Like, I just don't feel like I got the fucking facts for that one, kid. 0.95

01:36:08.000 I don't think anybody has the facts for that one. 0.97

01:36:10.000 That's one of those things about life itself.

01:36:11.000 If someone wants to abort a baby at eight months for no real good reason, besides just maybe not wanting to pump it out, like that's, dude, that's, that's, wow.

01:36:19.000 But there's a lot of people that are willing to jump up and defend women and jump into this position of being the sort of...

01:36:30.000 This defender no matter what.

01:36:33.000 This defender of women's rights.

01:36:35.000 Nothing in the world is absolute though.

01:36:37.000 That's the thing I think people have to believe in.

01:36:39.000 People hold it as a badge of honor.

01:36:42.000 I defend this no matter what.

01:36:44.000 They're looking for social brownie points instead of objectively discussing a very bizarre issue.

01:36:50.000 Well, it's a very bizarre issue.

01:36:52.000 Abortion's bizarre.

01:36:53.000 Even you brought up Cho, right?

01:36:55.000 We all love Cho.

01:36:56.000 And that podcast episode with the masseuse rape story, dude, that put me in a tough spot.

01:37:04.000 That put me in a tough spot, dude.

01:37:05.000 Yeah.

01:37:06.000 And like, people were calling me and asking me, and they're like, you're an Asian man too.

01:37:06.000 You know?

01:37:11.000 Do you think this is an Asian male angst thing?

01:37:13.000 And I was like, yo, number one, this has nothing to do with race.

01:37:15.000 It has nothing to do with what part of the country your ancestors came from.

01:37:19.000 That's crazy.

01:37:19.000 Yeah.

01:37:20.000 And I'm just like, but I can't, I mean...

01:37:24.000 He's the homie, and so I know who he is, and I know his intentions, but if I didn't know him, I'd be tight at that. 1.00

01:37:33.000 If you really did that, I never ask him, but in my mind, if you did that, I don't know if we could be friends, homie. 0.97

01:37:42.000 You know?

01:37:43.000 Well, what exactly did he say? 1.00

01:37:44.000 He said that he asked her to touch it, she started jerking him off, and then he grabbed her head, and he asked her to suck it, and she didn't want to, and then he grabbed her head, and then started mouthfucking her. 1.00

01:37:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:54.000 That's what he said, right?

01:37:55.000 It's all...

01:37:55.000 Yeah.

01:37:56.000 It's so bizarre.

01:37:58.000 Like, it's so David Cho.

01:37:59.000 It's so Cho.

01:38:00.000 It's really the line. 1.00

01:38:01.000 Like, that motherfucker just stands on the line, and, you know, you... 1.00

01:38:06.000 Well, if you're a woman and you heard that and you'd imagine being this poor woman who's a massage therapist who's being... 1.00

01:38:11.000 Probably doesn't speak English.

01:38:12.000 Yeah, taking this millionaire guy's money and you really, you know, you can't do anything about it. 1.00

01:38:17.000 You're shoving your penis in her mouth. 1.00

01:38:18.000 That's pretty indefensible, dude. 1.00

01:38:20.000 She's already jerking him off. 0.98

01:38:22.000 I mean, what's up there? 0.99

01:38:23.000 No, no, no, no.

01:38:23.000 She didn't want to.

01:38:24.000 She just doesn't want to lose her job. 1.00

01:38:26.000 It's like... 0.99

01:38:26.000 Yo, I've been with women where even, like, I'm so careful with this shit, you never know. 0.99

01:38:32.000 Like, I'll be dating a girl for a couple years, and it's just, you know, no forcible blowjob. 0.99

01:38:37.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:38:38.000 I just can't do it.

01:38:40.000 But I dated a girl who used to like that.

01:38:42.000 That was her thing. 1.00

01:38:43.000 She used to watch porn where guys were, like, grabbing the back of a girl's head and forcing the head on her dick. 1.00

01:38:49.000 And I was like, why do you like that? 1.00

01:38:51.000 I mean, if somebody gives me the Asian Joe Pesci rule and I have to force Ginger to suck my dick, I'm gonna be morally compromised. 1.00

01:38:57.000 Like, I don't do that in my normal life. 0.99

01:38:59.000 Yeah, but it's a role.

01:39:01.000 But if you're dating a girl and that's her thing, she likes you to grab her head. 1.00

01:39:05.000 I mean, it's not involuntary.

01:39:06.000 She wants you to do it.

01:39:07.000 If it's discussed beforehand and she signs the papers with my lawyer so that for the next six months I can, you know, do this and that's what you want, sure.

01:39:15.000 Have you ever seen that Louis C.K. joke about that?

01:39:17.000 No.

01:39:18.000 What is it?

01:39:19.000 He's dating some girl or hooks up with some girl. 0.93

01:39:21.000 They start making out and he tries to have sex with her. 0.76

01:39:22.000 She says no.

01:39:23.000 And then he sees the next day and she goes, what happened last night?

01:39:27.000 And he goes, what do you mean?

01:39:28.000 She goes, well, why didn't we have sex?

01:39:30.000 He goes, well, I tried, but you didn't want to.

01:39:34.000 She goes, no, I did.

01:39:35.000 And he goes, well, why did you say no?

01:39:38.000 She goes, well, I was hoping you would just go for it.

01:39:40.000 He goes, what? 1.00

01:39:41.000 Like, you wanted me to rape you on the off chance that you're into that shit? 1.00

01:39:46.000 No, that's the shorty that, like, fucks everybody. 1.00

01:39:51.000 Not only are you fucking women and women's body image and women's rights, but now you're fucking dudes. 1.00

01:39:56.000 Because now you just taught a dude to move, like, rubbing your elbow into the boobs. 1.00

01:40:00.000 Like, now you put a really bad tool in the toolbox.

01:40:00.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:40:04.000 Yeah, it's not...

01:40:06.000 Because the next time Louis C.K. gets the message, oh, it means yes!

01:40:10.000 It's a great bit.

01:40:11.000 It's a great bit.

01:40:12.000 Because any man who dates more than X amount of women is going to come across... 0.96

01:40:16.000 You meet a psycho.

01:40:17.000 You're going to come across an aberration. 0.92

01:40:19.000 A very rare person who has weird... 1.00

01:40:21.000 Like this girl that I used to date who wanted guys to grab her head and force it on her dick. 1.00

01:40:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:26.000 She wanted to blow me, but she wanted me to grab... 1.00

01:40:28.000 I dated her for a while. 1.00

01:40:30.000 It was her shit. 1.00

01:40:31.000 That was what she was into. 1.00

01:40:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:33.000 She wanted to get on her knees and she wanted you to grab the back of her head and like face fuck her. 1.00

01:40:38.000 I'm so funny. 1.00

01:40:39.000 I've been in a situation where it's like I want to be choked, right?

01:40:42.000 Or I want to be smacked or whatever.

01:40:44.000 And like, look, in the heat of the moment, the customer's always right.

01:40:50.000 So I'll do it, right?

01:40:51.000 I'm in the service industry.

01:40:53.000 But after, I'll always be like, yo, man, is something wrong?

01:40:58.000 You okay? 0.99

01:40:59.000 What the fuck did your dad do to you? 0.99

01:41:01.000 And I'm always kind of just like, yo, this... 1.00

01:41:04.000 Because I would never want to be punched in the face.

01:41:07.000 Yeah.

01:41:07.000 But you're a guy, and I think there's also a different...

01:41:11.000 There are women who have legitimate rape fantasies. 1.00

01:41:15.000 Yeah, it's a social structural thing, though. 0.79

01:41:17.000 Is it? 0.97

01:41:18.000 I don't think a dude wants to be raped, right? 0.99

01:41:20.000 Or is it a masculine-feminine thing? 1.00

01:41:21.000 Well, there's definitely men who want to be raped. 0.99

01:41:23.000 You think? 0.99

01:41:24.000 Yeah, why do you think?

01:41:25.000 I have a friend.

01:41:26.000 No, not Jamie.

01:41:27.000 But I have a friend who likes getting tied up, man.

01:41:29.000 He likes girls to beat him up. 1.00

01:41:30.000 Oh, that's right.

01:41:31.000 No, you're right.

01:41:32.000 You're right.

01:41:32.000 There are.

01:41:33.000 He likes being abused. 0.88

01:41:33.000 There are. 0.88

01:41:34.000 There are.

01:41:35.000 I'm glad you brought that up. 0.99

01:41:36.000 Because I was about to chalk it up to, like, we live in a patriarchal society and we treat them like shit and that must be why they want this. 0.99

01:41:42.000 But you're right. 1.00

01:41:42.000 There are dudes, too. 1.00

01:41:44.000 Yeah, there's people that encompass every single spot on the spectrum.

01:41:50.000 Look, there's men who wish there were women, there's women who wish there were men, there's men who like to beat women, there's women who like to beat men, there's men who like to get beat up by women. 1.00

01:42:00.000 I think the end of the story is basically just like, sexually, people are fucked. 1.00

01:42:05.000 And there's no normal. 1.00

01:42:07.000 There's no normal.

01:42:08.000 The customer's always right.

01:42:11.000 There's a law that they're passing in California called the Yes Means Yes Law.

01:42:16.000 And the idea is you're supposed to get verbal consent.

01:42:19.000 The idea is to curb these college rape issues, which are constantly...

01:42:22.000 And a lot of them, they think...

01:42:25.000 They think there's one way to mitigate that is to make sure that people communicate because sometimes things are just happening and women feel awful about it afterwards, but they didn't know how to stop it when it was going on.

01:42:35.000 So the idea being that a guy has to say every step of the way, can I take your clothes off?

01:42:40.000 Can I put my finger in you? 1.00

01:42:41.000 Can I put my dick inside you? 1.00

01:42:42.000 Can I do this? 1.00

01:42:43.000 Can I do that?

01:42:44.000 And there's like a video that accompanies it called Consent is Sexy.

01:42:48.000 And it's hilarious. 0.99

01:42:49.000 This weird campaign where you got this hipster looking dude with a goofy fucking beard. 1.00

01:42:54.000 And he just looks like kind of a bitch. 1.00

01:42:55.000 And he's with this really hot girl and he's like, can I kiss you? 1.00

01:42:58.000 Yes.

01:42:58.000 And he kisses her.

01:42:59.000 And it's just like ordering toppings on a sandwich.

01:43:01.000 Can I take your shirt off?

01:43:01.000 She's like, not yet.

01:43:02.000 Yes, pepperoncini.

01:43:03.000 Yes, olives. 0.99

01:43:04.000 It's fucking weird, man. 0.99

01:43:05.000 And she asks him, can I touch your leg? 0.99

01:43:06.000 He's like, yeah.

01:43:07.000 Let's just get this straight.

01:43:07.000 It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:43:08.000 You can do whatever the fuck you want, okay? 0.99

01:43:10.000 You got the green light, honey. 1.00

01:43:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:12.000 Just tell me when I can stick it in. 1.00

01:43:13.000 We need the fucking, the easy pass. 1.00

01:43:15.000 Just like... 1.00

01:43:16.000 The easy pass! 1.00

01:43:17.000 Yeah, we'll put that shit on our forehead. 1.00

01:43:19.000 It's like a turkey tester. 1.00

01:43:21.000 See that sticking out?

01:43:21.000 Boink!

01:43:21.000 See that?

01:43:22.000 That's a go.

01:43:23.000 Yeah, it's just like, you're at the casino buffet.

01:43:26.000 Just bring your plate.

01:43:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:27.000 Fucking eat everything. 1.00

01:43:28.000 Yeah, I'm gonna put a fucking thing over your neck, a lanyard. 1.00

01:43:33.000 While you're wearing that, you can do whatever you want. 1.00

01:43:35.000 Touch me any way you want.

01:43:36.000 You got a green light.

01:43:38.000 But, you know, like a girl saying, can I touch your leg? 0.82

01:43:40.000 And the guy goes, yes. 1.00

01:43:41.000 Like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

01:43:42.000 What guy has ever said, I didn't give you permission to touch my leg. 0.99

01:43:45.000 Yes means yes.

01:43:46.000 Don't touch my leg. 1.00

01:43:47.000 And also the asshole in me, like, I would have more fun, like, just fucking with them than actually fucking them. 1.00

01:43:54.000 Like, if they were like, can I touch your leg? 1.00

01:43:55.000 I'd be like, just this area here.

01:43:58.000 Only an inch above my knee.

01:44:00.000 Don't disrespect my thigh.

01:44:02.000 Five inches below my taint, three inches above the knee.

01:44:05.000 You're safe. 1.00

01:44:06.000 You touch anything else, I'll fucking cut you. 1.00

01:44:08.000 Well, there was a guy who was debating it. 0.99

01:44:11.000 Well, he was arguing with this yes means yes thing.

01:44:14.000 And he had this really important point.

01:44:15.000 He said, there was a moment that happened to me when I was in college.

01:44:18.000 He goes, where I met this girl.

01:44:20.000 We were at a bar.

01:44:21.000 And I had a couple drinks.

01:44:22.000 We never talked.

01:44:24.000 She looked at me, I looked at her, and she raised her eyebrows, and she went like that, like this, come here. 0.99

01:44:29.000 And the guy walked towards her, she put her hand out, he grabbed her hand, he took her into the woman's bathroom and fucked her in a stall. 1.00

01:44:36.000 And he said, we never talked. 0.99

01:44:37.000 He goes, it was one of the greatest nights of my life, because I've jerked off like a hundred times since then, thinking about it.

01:44:43.000 I never talked to her again, we didn't become boyfriend and girlfriend.

01:44:47.000 I didn't speak to this girl.

01:44:49.000 We didn't exchange words, it was a loud call. 1.00

01:44:52.000 He went to the bathroom with her and they fucked. 1.00

01:44:54.000 They fucked. 1.00

01:44:55.000 They didn't even know each other. 1.00

01:44:56.000 And he's like, this could not happen with this yes means yes shit. 1.00

01:45:00.000 It was the greatest night of my life. 0.99

01:45:03.000 Not only that, he goes, it was instigated by a girl, like giving me the come here face, you know, and grabbing my hand. 0.88

01:45:09.000 And next thing you know, we're in a bathroom and we're having sex. 1.00

01:45:13.000 You know, like, that kind of shit does happen with people. 1.00

01:45:16.000 No, I mean, pretty much every girl, I mean, the thing you try to block it out when you're in a relationship, but pretty much every girl you know is given a bathroom blowjob. 1.00

01:45:23.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:45:24.000 Sorry, guys. 1.00

01:45:24.000 All your wives probably suck the dick in a bathroom. 1.00

01:45:27.000 It is what it is. 1.00

01:45:28.000 You have to accept it.

01:45:29.000 Girls like boys, boys like girls. 0.88

01:45:31.000 Some boys like boys, some girls like girls. 1.00

01:45:33.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99

01:45:34.000 Yeah, it's fine, and bathrooms are totally fucking fine places for it all to go down. 0.99

01:45:38.000 Asteroids are common. 1.00

01:45:39.000 Asteroids are common, motherfucker. 0.99

01:45:40.000 The world is warming. 1.00

01:45:41.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:45:42.000 And to legislate this shit is just like, come on, man. 1.00

01:45:45.000 It's not the way. 1.00

01:45:46.000 The way is education more than legislation.

01:45:49.000 That's the way. 0.94

01:45:49.000 But how do you educate a kid that's 18 years old that grew up with douchebag parents and he's got some sort of a sociopathic mindset? 0.94

01:45:58.000 How do you educate people out of that?

01:46:00.000 Besides psychedelic drugs, besides some total reset of the mind with Ibogaine or Ayahuasca or DMT or mushrooms, without that?

01:46:08.000 Yeah.

01:46:09.000 And even that doesn't always work. 0.98

01:46:10.000 There's people that are fucking complete sociopaths that have done all kinds of psychedelics. 1.00

01:46:14.000 I know people that are out of their fucking mind, egomaniacs, that are like purportedly psychedelic users. 1.00

01:46:21.000 And I'm like, how is that guy a psychedelic user? 1.00

01:46:23.000 He doesn't check himself at all.

01:46:25.000 He's not looking at himself introspectively at all.

01:46:28.000 So it doesn't work on everybody, man.

01:46:28.000 Yeah.

01:46:30.000 It's like we were saying, the spectrum is just giant.

01:46:33.000 It's giant. 0.99

01:46:34.000 We are so fucking weird. 1.00

01:46:36.000 Humans are just fucking weird, bro. 0.99

01:46:38.000 We're weird. 0.99

01:46:40.000 And I almost think we have to be weird in order for this super organism to exist the way it exists and function the way it functions and in order for innovation and culture and society to exist.

01:46:51.000 It almost seems like everybody has to play this very weird, unique role.

01:46:55.000 And some people are pretty obvious and pretty straightforward and cookie cutter and you're like, oh, I've seen one of these before. 1.00

01:47:01.000 And then other people, you meet them and you're like, whoa, this bitch is crazy. 1.00

01:47:04.000 I want people to be as weird as they possibly can as long as it doesn't infringe on my ability to be weird myself. 0.99

01:47:11.000 Yes, there you go.

01:47:12.000 That's it.

01:47:13.000 That's like the basis of the social contract. 1.00

01:47:15.000 I want you to be fucking psycho. 0.99

01:47:18.000 Yeah, the weird thing is when someone tries to prevent you from being who you are because whatever you enjoy offends them, even if it doesn't hurt anybody. 0.99

01:47:26.000 Yeah, or if your desires require somebody else to be victimized, then that's too weird, buddy.

01:47:32.000 Well, that's different.

01:47:33.000 But as long as no one's being hurt and everyone is... 0.99

01:47:37.000 Agreeable upon the act like it's like gay marriage or gay sex at all like anybody's got an issue with people that are fucking each other Like what do you care like what what is it about you? 0.99

01:47:48.000 Whether it's religion or whether it's a you know social issues What is it about you that gives a fuck what someone does if two chicks want to live with each other and put on rubber strap-ons and plow each other all day Why does that freak you out enjoy? 1.00

01:48:01.000 Yeah, enjoy. 0.99

01:48:02.000 It's a big world.

01:48:03.000 It's not like there's only five people.

01:48:05.000 You could do it upstairs for me.

01:48:05.000 Yeah.

01:48:06.000 I don't care.

01:48:08.000 I might care if you're loud.

01:48:10.000 You live in one of those old apartments with squeaky floors.

01:48:13.000 I love noise when I'm sleeping.

01:48:14.000 Do you?

01:48:15.000 I need noise. 0.99

01:48:16.000 Yeah, I have to turn the TV on, leave the TV on and shit. 0.99

01:48:19.000 Really? 0.98

01:48:19.000 Yeah, I don't like quiet when I sleep. 0.98

01:48:22.000 Wow, that's weird.

01:48:23.000 New York, when the garbage truck came, I was like, fantastic.

01:48:28.000 Really?

01:48:28.000 I sleep good.

01:48:29.000 That's so weird.

01:48:30.000 Where do you live in New York?

01:48:32.000 Well, my apartment my brother has now is in Fort Greene on Adelphi between DeKalb and Lafayette.

01:48:38.000 Is that Brooklyn?

01:48:39.000 Yeah, that's where my brother lives there now.

01:48:42.000 You don't live in New York?

01:48:44.000 No, I live out here now.

01:48:45.000 Do you really?

01:48:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:48:46.000 How long have you been out here for?

01:48:47.000 Seven months.

01:48:48.000 We gotta hang.

01:48:49.000 We gotta hang and we gotta do a regular podcast, man.

01:48:52.000 You're hilarious.

01:48:53.000 Let's do it.

01:48:54.000 Come on! 0.61

01:48:55.000 I love you doing it, man.

01:48:56.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:48:57.000 So, do you open the window up out here to hear the horns and shit? 0.69

01:49:01.000 I leave the window, but I'm like the border of Malibu Palisades, so it's super chill. 0.80

01:49:06.000 Yeah, I just leave the TV on.

01:49:09.000 Oh, that's what you do.

01:49:10.000 Watch a movie, fall asleep.

01:49:11.000 That's so weird.

01:49:12.000 Have you always been like that?

01:49:14.000 Yeah, you know, I think because my mom was always screaming and yelling and fighting with my pops. 0.95

01:49:19.000 So it's like, I went to bed with Connie Corleone just breaking on the plates every night.

01:49:26.000 Wow, that's interesting.

01:49:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:29.000 Well, people are adaptable as fuck, man. 1.00

01:49:32.000 Some people, they cannot deal with the city. 1.00

01:49:35.000 They come in the city and start freaking out.

01:49:36.000 And some people, they freak out when they go to the country.

01:49:38.000 They just don't like it.

01:49:39.000 No, I'm desensitized.

01:49:41.000 I've seen anything that you could possibly throw be thrown. 0.97

01:49:46.000 My mom's a maniac, dude. 1.00

01:49:48.000 That's hilarious. 0.94

01:49:49.000 They're still together, though?

01:49:50.000 Yeah, they're still together.

01:49:51.000 They still fight all the time.

01:49:52.000 Wow.

01:49:52.000 Yeah.

01:49:53.000 My grandparents fought so hard, dude, that I thought that I would never get married.

01:49:57.000 I thought I would never have a relationship.

01:50:00.000 I had issues with relationships based on not just my parents, my mother and father, my actual father. 1.00

01:50:07.000 I grew up with my stepdad, who was a great guy, but my actual dad was a real fucking piece of shit. 0.99

01:50:13.000 And he was very violent, abusive, and I saw a lot of domestic abuse. 1.00

01:50:17.000 I heard a lot, but I saw some like... 1.00

01:50:20.000 Dark shit when I was a little kid. 0.99

01:50:22.000 And then my grandparents, they didn't physically fight, but they would fucking scream at each other so hardcore that I would never want to be in a relationship. 1.00

01:50:32.000 I was like, fuck this. 1.00

01:50:34.000 Just screaming at each other. 1.00

01:50:35.000 My parents physically fought, and...

01:50:39.000 I used to always reach for the phone and call the cops, and both of them would be like, don't do it!

01:50:43.000 And I was like, wait, the one thing you guys can agree on is for me to not call the cops?

01:50:48.000 And they'd be like, go upstairs!

01:50:50.000 Hide your brothers!

01:50:52.000 What?!

01:50:54.000 And I would just like put my brothers under the bed and then close the door and they were younger than me because I was the oldest.

01:51:00.000 Like, what's going on?

01:51:01.000 And I had no answers for them, man.

01:51:03.000 Wow.

01:51:04.000 I had no answers.

01:51:05.000 They were younger than you?

01:51:06.000 So you were the one that had to make sense of it all today?

01:51:08.000 Dude, it was rough.

01:51:08.000 Yeah.

01:51:10.000 It was rough, man.

01:51:11.000 Well, my sister was a year younger than me when my mom and dad had like this physical altercation that made my mom move out of the house.

01:51:19.000 Yeah. 0.87

01:51:19.000 My dad smacked the shit on my mother in front of the kitchen, and my little sister ran and hid, and I hid, and we were both freaked out, but my sister just shut it out. 0.87

01:51:27.000 She doesn't even remember it. 0.99

01:51:28.000 She doesn't talk about it.

01:51:29.000 I can't forget it.

01:51:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:31.000 Because, in my mind, it was like, okay, now I know that my dad is a shithead. 1.00

01:51:36.000 Like, I used to think that, like, he was a hero, and he was a great guy, and, you know, everybody wants to think their dad is Superman. 0.99

01:51:42.000 Yeah.

01:51:42.000 You know, when it was undeniable proof that he wasn't, it fucked my head up, you know?

01:51:47.000 Yeah. 0.68

01:51:47.000 But I only had my little sister. 0.68

01:51:49.000 She was only a year younger than me.

01:51:51.000 It wasn't like I had to explain everything.

01:51:53.000 Like, my youngest brother is good with it.

01:51:55.000 He's well-adjusted.

01:51:56.000 Me and my middle brother, we've never really let it go.

01:52:01.000 It's like a part of us.

01:52:03.000 And I wish that there was one parent that I could just be like, they're the good one and the other one's bad, right?

01:52:08.000 My mom would, like, throw hot water at my pops. 1.00

01:52:11.000 And I'd be like, what the fuck is going on? 0.96

01:52:14.000 And then, you know, he would do his thing, he might smack her or whatever, and then she'd try to punch him, and then he'd hit her, and I was just like, this is WWF in the crib. 1.00

01:52:23.000 I got a friend who still fights with his wife, and his wife threw a fucking screwdriver at him and stuck him in the arm, like it stuck out of his arm, and he fucked her that night. 1.00

01:52:32.000 He goes, that shit turns me on. 1.00

01:52:33.000 I go, what? 1.00

01:52:34.000 And he goes, one time, man, one time, this is hilarious, they were watching a movie together, and she fell asleep at the movie, so he took his pants down, and they were watching 300, he took his pants down and put his asshole like an inch away from her head, 0.99

01:52:49.000 and he goes, and he yelled something, she woke up and he farted right in her face. 0.99

01:52:55.000 That's a new movie, that's the cornholio.

01:52:59.000 Oh man, that's a new move. 1.00

01:53:00.000 And she fucking went crazy and she punched him in the mouth. 1.00

01:53:03.000 She fucking freaked me. 1.00

01:53:04.000 He goes, she fucking made me see stars. 1.00

01:53:06.000 Like she cracked me in the jaw. 0.99

01:53:08.000 And he goes, I fucking love it. 1.00

01:53:10.000 That shit turns me on. 1.00

01:53:11.000 I go, that turns you on? 1.00

01:53:14.000 When I saw this stuff with my parents, I was just like, I never want to be in a family like this.

01:53:14.000 No, man.

01:53:19.000 Exactly.

01:53:20.000 Like, I've always just dated just nice, good people.

01:53:23.000 Yeah.

01:53:23.000 You know?

01:53:24.000 I like people that are nice.

01:53:24.000 That's what I like.

01:53:27.000 They're sweet.

01:53:27.000 Yeah.

01:53:28.000 Yeah.

01:53:28.000 I don't want no yelling.

01:53:29.000 I'm not into yelling.

01:53:29.000 No.

01:53:30.000 No.

01:53:30.000 I don't want to yell at my friends.

01:53:31.000 I don't want anybody yelling at me.

01:53:33.000 That's the one thing I look for.

01:53:34.000 People ask, what do you look for when you hire people?

01:53:36.000 Good, trustworthy people.

01:53:37.000 Good values.

01:53:38.000 That's it.

01:53:39.000 You can't teach that.

01:53:40.000 People have it or they don't.

01:53:41.000 Yeah, and avoid people that you can have disputes with. 0.96

01:53:44.000 Maybe it's not them, maybe it's how you get along with them that makes them the way they are, but whatever the fuck it is, just take the path of least resistance. 0.99

01:53:53.000 Yeah, it's because the asteroids are fucking coming. 0.99

01:53:56.000 They're coming! 0.99

01:53:57.000 Ebola's on the way.

01:53:58.000 All of the above.

01:54:00.000 Global warming, global cooling.

01:54:02.000 Yeah.

01:54:02.000 This was fun though, man.

01:54:03.000 Yeah, I had a great time, brother.

01:54:04.000 We gotta do it with my friend more often, right? 0.96

01:54:04.000 Always fucking fun. 0.96

01:54:06.000 I'm around, dude. 0.89

01:54:07.000 I'm around.

01:54:08.000 We gotta hang.

01:54:09.000 And when does your show start?

01:54:10.000 February 4th?

01:54:11.000 February 4th, yeah.

01:54:12.000 February 4th, fresh off the boat. 1.00

01:54:14.000 Eddie Wong, you're a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:54:15.000 Thank you, man. 1.00

01:54:16.000 Thank you, sir.

01:54:16.000 I appreciate it.

01:54:17.000 And follow him on Twitter.

01:54:18.000 It's Mr. Eddie Wong.

01:54:19.000 H-U-A-N-G. Mr. Eddie H-U-A-N-G. Much love, my friend. 0.99

01:54:24.000 Death Squad.

01:54:25.000 He's here.

01:54:26.000 We're doing it more often, folks.

01:54:27.000 Yep.

01:54:27.000 See you soon.

01:54:28.000 It was so much fun to come, man.

01:54:30.000 Yeah.

01:54:43.000 Thank you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 26, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #604 - Eddie Huang & Randall Park

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript