The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #617 - Brian Regan

00:00:03.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.

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00:00:13.000 Hello, everybody.

00:00:15.000 Brian Regan's here, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:17.000 Longtime friend slash stand-up comedian extraordinaire slash international man of mystery.

00:00:23.000 That's how I look at you.

00:00:24.000 Wow.

00:00:25.000 I like that intro.

00:00:27.000 When I'm working with people, I'm going to start asking them to go with that intro.

00:00:30.000 Plus, you're the only comic I know that works outside of Vegas, but lives in Vegas.

00:00:35.000 Yes.

00:00:36.000 For everybody else, it's the opposite.

00:00:37.000 Right.

00:00:37.000 Or they live in Vegas only because they want to work in Vegas, like a Carrot Top type individual.

00:00:43.000 Yes, I do life and show business backwards.

00:00:49.000 I want a long commute.

00:00:51.000 I want to go to an airport and get on a plane and fly more than a thousand miles away from my home and do my work.

00:01:01.000 But you work everywhere though.

00:01:02.000 I mean you work in, do you work in Reno?

00:01:05.000 Yeah, I'll do Reno.

00:01:06.000 You'll do Reno.

00:01:07.000 Yeah.

00:01:07.000 You won't do Vegas.

00:01:08.000 I mean, I might at one point.

00:01:10.000 You know, I mean, like those residencies seem kind of intriguing.

00:01:14.000 You know, Carrot Top, Rita Rudner.

00:01:16.000 I think she's doing another one.

00:01:18.000 I'm not sure.

00:01:18.000 Yeah.

00:01:19.000 The people that...

00:01:20.000 But not yet.

00:01:21.000 You know what I mean?

00:01:22.000 I still like being on the road.

00:01:23.000 To me, for now, that's what I want to be as a comedian, as a traveling comedian.

00:01:28.000 Yeah, the residencies are very strange because they're intriguing in some way.

00:01:33.000 I had a conversation with George Wallace about it.

00:01:35.000 I ran into him at the Comedy and Magic Club.

00:01:37.000 And he's done with his.

00:01:38.000 He used to do one. 0.99

00:01:40.000 And the way he described it, it sounded like a lot of fucking work. 0.99

00:01:44.000 Like, a lot more work than you would think. 0.99

00:01:46.000 Like, you would think, well, hey, for him, it's great.

00:01:48.000 He just has to stay there, and he just kind of, like, does his show there, and it's no big deal.

00:01:52.000 Now, they, you know, they call it four-walling it, I guess, you know?

00:01:55.000 So, like, you have to fill that place, and you have to fill it all the time.

00:01:58.000 So you're always doing promotions, you're always doing this and that, and I don't know how much of that he has to pay for, but I believe a lot of it comes out of his pocket.

00:02:08.000 He's constantly trying to fill the place up and constantly trying to put billboards up and keep the place popping.

00:02:14.000 He has to do things in order to get people to remember him because he's not out there.

00:02:18.000 When you're on tour, you're out there.

00:02:20.000 You're in Cincinnati.

00:02:22.000 Brian Regan's in Boston.

00:02:24.000 Brian Regan's in Maryland.

00:02:26.000 You know, when you're in Vegas, you're just in Vegas.

00:02:29.000 Right.

00:02:29.000 And there's a lot more clutter, you know, because there's a lot of comedians doing that and a lot of other shows in Las Vegas.

00:02:37.000 I didn't realize it was that much work, so I'm changing my mind.

00:02:40.000 I never want to do a residency.

00:02:42.000 Yeah, I'm out.

00:02:43.000 I've thought about like a partial, never a residency, I don't really want to live there, but a partial sort of a situation where you do like a once a month show there.

00:02:52.000 I think a once a month show there would be kind of fun.

00:02:54.000 Yeah?

00:02:55.000 Yeah, I've been doing the Mirage pretty regularly, like I did it twice in January.

00:03:01.000 But that's just because I'm there anyway for the UFC. Right.

00:03:05.000 Well, George Wallace has...

00:03:07.000 It has a big billboard up.

00:03:09.000 It says, best 10 p.m.

00:03:12.000 show in Las Vegas.

00:03:13.000 And I love the qualification on there.

00:03:16.000 If I did a residency, I would put a billboard right next to that, best 10.05 show.

00:03:23.000 Or 10.03.

00:03:24.000 Best 10.03 show in Las Vegas.

00:03:27.000 Yeah, that's a weird qualification, right?

00:03:29.000 Best 10 p.m. 0.99

00:03:30.000 show by some silly magazine. 0.97

00:03:33.000 It's always like Vegas Best Magazine. 0.99

00:03:35.000 Like, where do I find this fucking Vegas Best Magazine? 0.93

00:03:37.000 The Las Vegas Review Journal every year polls everybody in Las Vegas to ask them what they think the best everything is in Las Vegas. 0.98

00:03:46.000 The best Italian restaurant, the best Mexican restaurant.

00:03:49.000 And Las Vegas is kind of like a hodgepodge of people from all over.

00:03:54.000 It's not the most cultured place.

00:03:57.000 So the best Mexican restaurant is always like...

00:04:00.000 I'm trying to think of...

00:04:03.000 I mean, it's not Taco Bell, but it's like...

00:04:05.000 A bit shaky.

00:04:06.000 Yeah.

00:04:06.000 Yeah, you know, it's like a chain, and the best Italian restaurant is like something you go, no, that's not the best Italian restaurant.

00:04:13.000 So the Las Vegas Review-Journal always has to say, well, these are great choices, but here's some suggestions we make.

00:04:18.000 Like, they're trying to push the culture a little bit.

00:04:21.000 Oh, that's good.

00:04:22.000 Yeah.

00:04:22.000 They have some pretty decent restaurants in Vegas.

00:04:24.000 That's one thing that Vegas has...

00:04:26.000 By far, like, that's the most impressive is the restaurants they have in the casinos.

00:04:31.000 Like, if you get a steak in Vegas at a big casino, it's going to be a banging steak.

00:04:35.000 I've never had a bad steak.

00:04:36.000 Like, Kraft Steak or Strip Steak, you know, the places in MGM and Mandalay Bay, or Nine at the Palms, like, you know, some of the best steaks in the world.

00:04:45.000 Yeah, I haven't done a lot of those deals.

00:04:48.000 I mean, I'm pretty much like a home guy.

00:04:49.000 I mean, I'll go hit those places every now and then if I've got friends in town, but I'm not a guy that really knows Las Vegas inside and out.

00:04:57.000 You know, it's embarrassing when friends come into town and go, where are we going, Brian?

00:05:01.000 And I'm like...

00:05:03.000 There's a Chili's down the street.

00:05:04.000 There's a Chili's down the street.

00:05:06.000 They got a happy hour there.

00:05:08.000 And then we'll go get a draft somewhere.

00:05:11.000 Yeah, I'm not that guy at all.

00:05:13.000 Yeah, when we were at the UFC last month, was it January?

00:05:18.000 Yeah, January.

00:05:19.000 And you almost looked like out of sorts.

00:05:22.000 And like, this is where you live, man.

00:05:24.000 Yeah, that was my first UFC fight ever.

00:05:28.000 Hannibal Buress...

00:05:30.000 Was in town and texted me, and I had seen him out on the road six months ago or something like that, and said, hey, you want to go to the fight tonight?

00:05:40.000 And I've never been to a boxing match or a UFC fight.

00:05:44.000 So I was like, sure, you know, it seemed like something fun to do.

00:05:47.000 And I started Googling what boxing matches were in law.

00:05:50.000 I thought it was a boxing match that he invited me to.

00:05:52.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:05:53.000 So I couldn't find any boxing matches.

00:05:55.000 I'm like, I don't know what fight he's talking about.

00:05:57.000 And he said, well, just meet me at the will call window.

00:05:59.000 It's at the MGM, right?

00:06:00.000 Yeah.

00:06:01.000 So I meet him at the will call window.

00:06:02.000 He gets the tickets.

00:06:03.000 He goes, let's go inside.

00:06:05.000 I didn't know until we were walking in when I saw that cage.

00:06:09.000 I didn't even know what I was walking into.

00:06:11.000 I was like, oh man, it's one of these deals.

00:06:13.000 It's one of these deals.

00:06:15.000 Yeah, it's funny.

00:06:17.000 Yeah, it was fun though, man.

00:06:18.000 It was really fun.

00:06:19.000 It was so much different than what...

00:06:22.000 I mean, I've only seen like little...

00:06:24.000 I don't follow that, you know?

00:06:26.000 I've only seen like what I've seen on sports, you know, stuff.

00:06:30.000 But...

00:06:31.000 There's much more art to it than I expected.

00:06:35.000 I was thinking it was just going to be a brutal, like a brutal match, you know, just two guys just going at it until blood starts squirting.

00:06:42.000 Right.

00:06:43.000 But it's actually, there's art and there's a science to it.

00:06:49.000 You know, it's more interesting than I think, somebody who's not a fan wouldn't realize that there's more to it than what they might think.

00:06:56.000 Yeah, well there's definitely a lot of technique to it.

00:06:59.000 Yes.

00:06:59.000 But the ultimate goal is the first part, the brutal stuff.

00:07:04.000 Yes, but they don't just go out right at it.

00:07:09.000 It's chess and fighting.

00:07:11.000 Yes.

00:07:12.000 Yeah, that's a good way to describe it.

00:07:14.000 Both of those things are going on.

00:07:17.000 The bell doesn't ring and they don't just start running at each other and start pounding each other in the face.

00:07:22.000 They're waiting.

00:07:23.000 Sometimes it goes like that and sometimes they're waiting and looking at each other and figuring out, well, what's this guy?

00:07:28.000 Is this guy going to be on defense?

00:07:30.000 You know what I mean?

00:07:31.000 There's more mental stuff than I think people might think.

00:07:33.000 I would like to watch it as a completely uninitiated, untrained person.

00:07:38.000 I would like to see what that feels like.

00:07:40.000 Because I've been watching it so long, I've kind of lost touch with what it must look like on the outside.

00:07:46.000 But to see, I'd like to sit down with you and watch it.

00:07:51.000 You know, because I was nowhere near you.

00:07:53.000 I was over by the commentator booth.

00:07:55.000 Well, I was in Comedian Row, man.

00:07:58.000 Yeah, I got Tom Rhodes in there.

00:08:00.000 Tom Rhodes, myself, Hannibal Buress, Russell was there.

00:08:05.000 Russell Peters.

00:08:06.000 Yeah, I mean, it was kind of cool, and I appreciate the tickets, man.

00:08:09.000 Oh, no problem, brother.

00:08:11.000 Russell's there all the time.

00:08:12.000 He keeps a place in Vegas, because he's there occasionally, and I guess...

00:08:17.000 It's one of those tax deals.

00:08:18.000 Vegas has some pretty sweet tax deals.

00:08:21.000 If you live in Vegas, you pay no state taxes, right?

00:08:25.000 Correct.

00:08:26.000 So for your income, that's pretty big.

00:08:29.000 Yeah.

00:08:29.000 When I moved from California to Nevada, I didn't do it for that reason, but it was certainly a nice byproduct.

00:08:35.000 It's weird when you think about it because that's a lot of money.

00:08:38.000 You know, I think it's 10% of your income, right?

00:08:41.000 Isn't it something nutty like that?

00:08:43.000 What, state taxes?

00:08:44.000 I don't know.

00:08:45.000 You don't even know?

00:08:45.000 It goes from 8 to 7, depending on where you live.

00:08:48.000 8 to 7, it goes down?

00:08:50.000 I mean, we're up to 10, but average it's around 8. Is state income tax?

00:08:56.000 State, yeah.

00:08:57.000 Yeah, okay.

00:08:58.000 Yeah, so that's a lot of money.

00:08:59.000 If you're making good money, you know, that's a big percentage.

00:09:03.000 It's like having a manager.

00:09:04.000 The reason I know that there are no state taxes is at night.

00:09:08.000 You look in the sky over at the airport and you see a string of pearls.

00:09:14.000 There's about 15 little white lights.

00:09:17.000 They're all airplanes.

00:09:18.000 And they're all coming in, and they're landing, and every one of those little white dots is filled with people, and all of their pockets are filled with money, and they're coming to leave it in Las Vegas.

00:09:31.000 Yeah.

00:09:32.000 I mean, it's amazing.

00:09:34.000 Whenever I'm flying home, flights are usually packed.

00:09:37.000 People want to go to Las Vegas.

00:09:38.000 So they're bringing, you know, most people are not going to win, you know, so money just keeps coming into that town. 0.90

00:09:45.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous in that way.

00:09:47.000 I mean, it's one of the only places we could think of where you're guaranteed you're going to have a bunch of people that are going to be risking their money, like, and then spending it and then going all...

00:09:58.000 I mean, like, it's a weird place when you think about it that it's based on gambling.

00:10:02.000 Right.

00:10:02.000 You know?

00:10:03.000 And...

00:10:05.000 I saw an ad for a slot, you know, some casino was saying, we give 97% of the money back on slots.

00:10:12.000 And that was like a selling point.

00:10:15.000 And I think, can you imagine if your bank told you that they would give you 97% of your money back?

00:10:20.000 We only take 3% of your money.

00:10:22.000 Yeah, like that's a good thing.

00:10:23.000 Come in here and we'll give you 97% of your money back.

00:10:26.000 How do they say that?

00:10:28.000 That's not true.

00:10:29.000 Because it's just not true.

00:10:30.000 I mean, there's no way they only make 3%.

00:10:33.000 There's no way.

00:10:34.000 I don't know if they could, you know.

00:10:37.000 I'm sure they can't lie, so there's probably some technical way that that's true.

00:10:41.000 I bet it's technically true.

00:10:42.000 I think it's one of those, like, you know, there's like a house advantage, you know, like the house is like a 54% advantage, you know, like a 54 to, you know, you're 46. You know what I mean?

00:10:51.000 It's like one of those deals.

00:10:53.000 So that's probably how they get away with saying it, you know?

00:10:55.000 I don't know.

00:10:56.000 But, you know...

00:10:57.000 Even if it was only 3%, that's still guaranteed money for the casino.

00:11:01.000 Right.

00:11:02.000 You're going to lose 3% of your money every time.

00:11:04.000 Not every person, but I mean overall.

00:11:07.000 Yeah.

00:11:08.000 If people bet $100,000, they only have to give $97,000 of that back.

00:11:12.000 There was a weird case recently in New Jersey where a bunch of people, it was ruled they had to give their money back because they won...

00:11:23.000 A lot of money playing this game, and the dealer had forgot to shuffle, because the cards had come pre-shuffled.

00:11:31.000 And so somewhere along the line, these players realized that the dealer had forgot to shuffle, and so they just jumped their bets up higher and higher and higher every time, and then they wound up winning over a million dollars. 0.88

00:11:41.000 And then it was revealed that the dealers had made a mistake in some way, shape, or form, and that the players, by realizing that the dealers had made this mistake, were Somehow or another, it was invalid that they won, which is fucking hilarious.

00:11:57.000 Yeah, I don't get how some of that stuff is fair.

00:12:01.000 Like the counting cards thing.

00:12:03.000 I don't...

00:12:05.000 I don't understand why you're not allowed to do things in your head.

00:12:08.000 You're not allowed to think.

00:12:10.000 You know what I mean?

00:12:11.000 I mean, first of all, how do you know what I'm doing in my head?

00:12:14.000 Exactly.

00:12:15.000 You know, just based on my betting.

00:12:16.000 And even if you're correct in what I'm doing in my head, why can't I do that in my head?

00:12:23.000 Yeah.

00:12:24.000 That blows my mind that you're not allowed.

00:12:26.000 They can just come up to you and go, no.

00:12:28.000 No, we don't want you in here because you're winning and you're smart.

00:12:33.000 Yeah, you're smart.

00:12:33.000 You're thinking.

00:12:34.000 Ben Affleck did that, right?

00:12:36.000 Did he?

00:12:36.000 I think he got kicked out of a place for counting cards.

00:12:40.000 Well, Dana White, the president of the UFC, gets kicked out all the time.

00:12:43.000 He doesn't even count cards.

00:12:45.000 He just wins.

00:12:46.000 He just bets a lot of money.

00:12:47.000 If he wins too much, they kick him out.

00:12:49.000 They kick you out if you win.

00:12:51.000 Like, wait a minute, if I lose, you're cool with that.

00:12:54.000 That's why there's no state income tax.

00:12:56.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:12:56.000 But that's also why those places are fucking gigantic. 0.99

00:12:59.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:12:59.000 You know, when you walk into, you know, whatever, the Venetian, you know, name a casino, and you see how opulent it is and how beautiful all the decor. 0.98

00:13:08.000 That's a lot of money, man.

00:13:09.000 They spend a lot of money on those fountains that you're passing.

00:13:11.000 They're shooting water 100 feet into the sky.

00:13:14.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:13:14.000 A beautiful show of wealth.

00:13:17.000 I like watching, occasionally, they'll have one of these, you know, We're good to go.

00:13:50.000 He puts his hand on the top of the cup like this and drops the black chips into the coffee cup and says, you can't put that drink here and hands it back to the guy.

00:14:01.000 And the guy goes, oh, okay, and then takes his coffee cup back, bets $5, loses, wins, whatever, and then walks away.

00:14:08.000 That's real cheating, though.

00:14:10.000 That seems to be like cheating.

00:14:11.000 No, no, of course.

00:14:12.000 Yeah, that's outright cheating.

00:14:13.000 Yeah, that's outright cheating. 1.00

00:14:14.000 The counting thing being cheating is fucking ridiculous. 0.99

00:14:17.000 It's like, what is the game? 0.99

00:14:18.000 The game is, there's 50, what is it, 52 cards?

00:14:21.000 Yes.

00:14:22.000 52 cards.

00:14:22.000 Okay, you got 52 cards, you're watching the cards that get dealt, they get all shuffled up, and you just do like a mathematical calculation of probability in your head.

00:14:33.000 That seems to me to be like a thing that you should do all the time in life.

00:14:36.000 Of course!

00:14:37.000 Yeah, what are the odds if I run this red light, what are the odds I get hit by a car?

00:14:41.000 Well, it's 3 in the morning.

00:14:42.000 There's not as many people driving.

00:14:43.000 It's probably...

00:14:44.000 It's absurd.

00:14:45.000 Yeah.

00:14:45.000 It's like going up to a golfer who just stitched a shot from the fairway and said, Hey, you knew that was 148 yards!

00:14:53.000 You thought about that.

00:14:55.000 You figured out that that was 148 yards away.

00:14:58.000 You're not allowed to do that.

00:14:59.000 You just have to guess. 1.00

00:15:00.000 You hit it as hard as you should for 148 yards, and that's bullshit. 1.00

00:15:04.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:15:05.000 You're not allowed to be knowing that stuff.

00:15:07.000 I've never been into gambling.

00:15:10.000 I like gambling on sports.

00:15:12.000 I like gambling on fights, particularly.

00:15:14.000 That's the only sport I really gamble on.

00:15:16.000 If I gambled on a baseball game, it would just be like, who should I bet on?

00:15:20.000 Detroit?

00:15:21.000 Okay, go.

00:15:22.000 But It makes it exciting, you know?

00:15:25.000 I really think it should be legal everywhere.

00:15:26.000 I really do.

00:15:27.000 I think gambling should be legal everywhere.

00:15:29.000 I think they should be able to count cards.

00:15:31.000 I mean, I think if you're smart, you should be able to count cards.

00:15:34.000 And if you can count cards, you're going to win.

00:15:36.000 And that's the fatal flaw in the casino system.

00:15:39.000 You're going to win consistently.

00:15:41.000 Well, I think what little I know about it, I don't know how to count cards, but what little I know about it, you have to be perfect.

00:15:47.000 You can't make a mistake.

00:15:48.000 You have to count every card.

00:15:49.000 You've got to know exactly what's going on.

00:15:51.000 And then you might end up with like a 1% or something advantage or 1.5% or something like that.

00:15:56.000 You have to be absolutely perfect.

00:15:58.000 I would think, I'm guessing, I don't know the fact on that, but because it's already a pretty even game, Blackjack.

00:16:06.000 Yeah, it's pretty even as far as all those games go.

00:16:09.000 They say that the games that people really like are like craps. 0.99

00:16:13.000 And blackjack, because craps is just like fucking chaos. 0.99

00:16:17.000 You know, you're just rolling those dice, and who the fuck knows? 0.99

00:16:20.000 You gotta kinda know how to bet, and when to bet, and when you're feeling hot, and when it's going your favor. 0.98

00:16:27.000 I've only played craps a couple times.

00:16:29.000 One time was, there were a bunch of comedians in Las Vegas, including Drew Hastings.

00:16:33.000 Okay.

00:16:34.000 Drew Hastings was, he brought us over to the craps table, and he was gonna show me how to play craps.

00:16:39.000 And I'm standing next to him, and I bet on something that What little I knew, I could tell that it lost, you know?

00:16:46.000 You could tell.

00:16:47.000 Sort of, right?

00:16:48.000 You could sort of tell.

00:16:49.000 But the guy didn't do the stick thing to pull it.

00:16:53.000 Like, he left it there.

00:16:55.000 And I was, like, confused. 0.98

00:16:57.000 So, like a moron, I yelled to the dealer, you know, to explain to him that he should be taking my money. 0.98

00:17:05.000 And I said, excuse me, excuse me, hold on a second. 0.99

00:17:09.000 And then I feel this pressure on my foot.

00:17:12.000 Drew Hastings is stepping on the top of my foot, like, really hard.

00:17:17.000 And he's trying to tell me to shut up.

00:17:20.000 He knows what I'm doing, so he's stepping on my foot like, would you shut up?

00:17:25.000 What was wrong with what you were doing?

00:17:28.000 Drew felt they made a mistake, I should take the money back, even though I had lost it, or just leave it out there and bet on that same thing the next time.

00:17:35.000 It's their error.

00:17:37.000 So it was an error?

00:17:38.000 Yeah, they were supposed to take my money, and I was trying to explain that to them, that...

00:17:44.000 I lost that!

00:17:45.000 Fair and square, take it away!

00:17:47.000 Oh, that's funny.

00:17:48.000 I thought you just didn't understand what was going on.

00:17:51.000 Because craps is one of those weird games where I've sat and I've watched people play craps for like 10 minutes.

00:17:56.000 You know, just as an observer. 0.98

00:17:58.000 And I had no idea what the fuck was going on. 1.00

00:18:00.000 The hard, soft, cum. 0.99

00:18:01.000 I still don't know. 0.99

00:18:02.000 You can cum? 0.98

00:18:03.000 Like, what is it? 0.99

00:18:04.000 There's a cum, right? 0.97

00:18:06.000 That's a bet. 0.96

00:18:07.000 I don't even know. 0.99

00:18:08.000 The fuck does that mean? 0.99

00:18:09.000 I don't know what any of it means. 0.99

00:18:10.000 I know sevens are good.

00:18:12.000 Elevens is good, right?

00:18:13.000 Seven and eleven, but then they become bad.

00:18:16.000 If you get a seven on the first thing, it's good, but then you roll an eight on the first thing.

00:18:20.000 Now you want to get an eight before a seven.

00:18:23.000 That's all I know. 1.00

00:18:24.000 How do they assume that people know how to play that fucking game? 0.99

00:18:27.000 How do they get new kids involved? 0.99

00:18:30.000 You know, like there's certain games that like used to be like super popular with the old folks. 0.99

00:18:35.000 Dominoes and shit like that.

00:18:36.000 How do you get people involved in craps? 0.98

00:18:38.000 Maybe that's why they have these big giant fountains is because I got a bunch of people like me making sure that they take my losses away.

00:18:46.000 I don't think that's how.

00:18:47.000 But I think that there's some weirdness to that game.

00:18:50.000 It seems way too complicated.

00:18:52.000 Didn't Richard Jennings used to have a bit about craps?

00:18:54.000 I think he did.

00:18:56.000 About how no one knows.

00:18:58.000 Everybody thinks they're an expert at certain games.

00:19:00.000 What he likes about craps is no one knows what the hell's going on.

00:19:04.000 Everyone just concedes that no one knows what the hell's going on.

00:19:07.000 Richard Jennings has an album that just came out.

00:19:11.000 Really?

00:19:12.000 Yeah.

00:19:13.000 I think it just came out.

00:19:16.000 When did he?

00:19:16.000 He died about five, six years ago, right?

00:19:19.000 Yeah, something like that.

00:19:19.000 So I don't know if somebody had some soundtracks of some stuff that he had recorded, but I downloaded it and listened to it.

00:19:26.000 It's really good, man.

00:19:27.000 He was great.

00:19:28.000 Yeah.

00:19:28.000 I took that one hard.

00:19:29.000 That one bummed me out a lot.

00:19:31.000 Yeah, I didn't know him that well.

00:19:32.000 I knew him like, hey, man, what's up?

00:19:34.000 How you doing?

00:19:34.000 You know, blah, blah, blah.

00:19:35.000 Last, like, month before he died, like that month, somewhere in there, I was with him on a plane, just randomly.

00:19:42.000 And he just happened to be sitting right in front of me.

00:19:44.000 We chatted a little bit.

00:19:45.000 He was always, you know, pleasant.

00:19:47.000 But I know he was troubled.

00:19:50.000 That's just that one hit me hard because when I was a kid, he was a big influence.

00:19:53.000 He was one of my favorites when I was first starting out.

00:19:56.000 He was...

00:19:57.000 He was on Tonight Show back then.

00:19:59.000 I believe it was Johnny Carson.

00:20:00.000 It was Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.

00:20:02.000 And, you know, I used to watch him on TV on all those evening at the improv type shows or whatever it was, or HBO. And then I got to see him a couple times live.

00:20:11.000 He was really good.

00:20:12.000 He was really, really such a good joke writer.

00:20:15.000 And when he died, and it's just...

00:20:18.000 It just bummed me out.

00:20:19.000 It bums me out when people don't feel appreciated and you think they're awesome.

00:20:24.000 He was one of those guys.

00:20:26.000 He always wanted to be like Jim Carrey.

00:20:28.000 He always wanted to be some Jerry Seinfeld type guy that had his own show.

00:20:33.000 Instead, he was a big-time headliner on the road, selling out theaters and clubs, doing a lot of the stuff that you're doing, essentially.

00:20:41.000 But for whatever reason, he wasn't appreciated, or he didn't feel that he was appreciated.

00:20:47.000 But it was depression that led to what he did, and it's hard to know whether it was a career-related depression or just something so much deeper that people who don't have depression can't even relate to.

00:21:00.000 Yeah, that's a good point, because when, you know, you see someone that's getting depressed about their career, are they really depressed?

00:21:08.000 I mean, his career is successful as hell.

00:21:10.000 You know, it's like, why would he be depressed about all that success?

00:21:13.000 I mean, look at Robin Williams.

00:21:15.000 I mean, you could not have a more successful career than Robin Williams, and he kills himself because of depression, so clearly it's not necessarily career-related.

00:21:24.000 It's a much deeper thing that people have difficulty understanding.

00:21:28.000 I don't understand it.

00:21:29.000 Yeah, he was another one that was like, wow, how is that possible?

00:21:32.000 How is it possible that Robin Williams wanted to kill himself?

00:21:35.000 I can't imagine.

00:21:36.000 You remember Good Morning Vietnam and Popeye? 0.99

00:21:39.000 This guy was on top of the fucking world. 0.98

00:21:41.000 Did you ever meet him? 0.99

00:21:42.000 Yeah.

00:21:43.000 It was weird how I met him.

00:21:44.000 I didn't know I was meeting him until like five minutes into our conversation.

00:21:49.000 He came to the improv to see me, and he was in line with everybody else to take pictures.

00:21:54.000 He had a baseball hat on and a beard and glasses.

00:21:56.000 And he came up to me and he was talking to me about a very particular bit that I did, about how much he loved it and this and that. 0.99

00:22:04.000 A couple minutes into talking, I'm like, holy shit. 0.98

00:22:06.000 Wow. 0.99

00:22:07.000 You didn't even know that.

00:22:08.000 I had no idea.

00:22:09.000 I just thought I was talking to some nice guy.

00:22:11.000 Wow.

00:22:11.000 You know, we were talking, and, you know, but he was, like, real specific.

00:22:16.000 I was like, wow, this guy's a real comedy fan.

00:22:19.000 You know, because he's, like, really into, like, the specific aspects of the joke.

00:22:22.000 This guy knows comedy.

00:22:24.000 He's like, I love how you, like, he goes, you really put yourself out there with that bit.

00:22:27.000 It was like, so, like, the way you did it was so this and that.

00:22:30.000 And I go, oh, thanks, man.

00:22:31.000 I'm glad you appreciate it. 0.99

00:22:32.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:22:33.000 Wow. 1.00

00:22:34.000 I met him.

00:22:35.000 I was nobody.

00:22:37.000 It wasn't like he was meeting me, but I just met him at the Improv in New York when there were a number of comedians around.

00:22:43.000 And I met him at the Outdoor Comedy Day in San Francisco.

00:22:47.000 You know, when there's like 20 comedians on the show and he was one of them.

00:22:51.000 Outdoor Comedy Day?

00:22:52.000 It's, I don't know what it's called, but it's like a big comedy festival in one of the parks in San Francisco, outdoor comedy or something.

00:22:59.000 But he was very, like, sweet and low-key and unassuming.

00:23:05.000 Like, so different from what you know of him on stage, you know?

00:23:09.000 Like, he was almost, like, reverential to other comedians, it seemed.

00:23:13.000 Yeah, that's how I felt when I met him too.

00:23:16.000 And he's a guy that had this horrible reputation as being a joke thief.

00:23:21.000 I think in his case, talking to people that were victims of him doing that, in his case, that guy just had this deep desire to be loved and deep desire to please and deep desire to kill.

00:23:37.000 Some comedians, they just get kind of addicted to the killing.

00:23:41.000 And they're just trying to figure out what are the buttons I have to press to get this audience to light up.

00:23:46.000 As opposed to, say, a guy like Pryor, who, what he was trying to do was express himself in this way that you would think was funny.

00:23:57.000 Are you saying Robin Williams or Pryor now?

00:23:59.000 Pryor.

00:24:00.000 Pryor was trying to express himself.

00:24:02.000 He was trying to get whatever it was in his head, whatever thoughts that he had, whatever feelings that he had.

00:24:08.000 He was trying to get you to understand them so you would see what was so funny about this crazy tragedy or ridiculousness in his life.

00:24:15.000 It was like a completely different need, you know?

00:24:18.000 Like both guys, every comic wants to be loved.

00:24:22.000 Every comic wants to be appreciated for what they're doing.

00:24:24.000 But I think with Robin, it was...

00:24:26.000 I don't think, like, when you hear him talk, I don't think he had the same sort of attachment to what he was talking about as a guy like Pryor did.

00:24:33.000 And so in that sense, it was easier for him to just incorporate other people's ideas, just trying to push those buttons, trying to push those buttons.

00:24:42.000 You know, and that was his style.

00:24:44.000 It was just, like, trying to get you to...

00:24:45.000 And I used to feel bad for Robin Williams whenever he was doing little interviews, whether it was on the local level, you know, or promoing a movie.

00:24:58.000 Like he had to be funny in every moment.

00:25:02.000 And I used to feel for him thinking he's created this monster that when he's doing little local...

00:25:09.000 Not that that's a bad thing to do local interviews, but whenever he was being interviewed, I felt like he felt he had to have his foot on the gas with...

00:25:22.000 100%.

00:25:22.000 And it's like, I kind of wish he felt he could just be real and calm down and just answer without having to go...

00:25:30.000 You know what I mean?

00:25:33.000 So, I don't know.

00:25:34.000 And that's why I like the way...

00:25:38.000 Things are progressing.

00:25:39.000 I love this podcast concept.

00:25:41.000 I love the fact...

00:25:43.000 These kinds of atmospheres are allowing people to relax.

00:25:48.000 You can be funny within not having to be funny.

00:25:52.000 And I think up until...

00:25:55.000 This transition started happening.

00:25:58.000 There was a lot of pressure on comedians, you know, doing morning radio and stuff like that to just, all right, lights on, be funny.

00:26:04.000 You know what I mean?

00:26:05.000 Yeah.

00:26:05.000 Well, it's also when you do morning radio and no one knows you, and you're going into these local stations.

00:26:10.000 Like, how many times have you done a station where they go, okay, what bits do you want us to set up?

00:26:15.000 You know, like, say, Brian, I hear you just got back from the zoo.

00:26:18.000 Why don't you tell us about your trip to the zoo?

00:26:21.000 Right.

00:26:21.000 It was so forced.

00:26:22.000 Yeah, it's a fucking, man, I've been on, I was on one just a couple of years ago, it wasn't that long ago, where this fucking guy, man, this producer guy came back, and I would imagine what it would be like to be a young comic and to deal with this guy. 0.99

00:26:37.000 So the guy comes back with a clipboard, I said, alright, the guys want to know what bits you want to set up, what topics you want to discuss. 0.98

00:26:44.000 I go, dude, I'm not doing bits.

00:26:47.000 He looked at me like, what do you plan on doing on the radio?

00:26:50.000 I go, I guess we're going to talk.

00:26:52.000 Is that okay?

00:26:53.000 Have a conversation in these microphones?

00:26:56.000 And he just rolls his eyes and walks out of the room, like in disgust. 1.00

00:27:01.000 Like, look at you, you silly bitch. 1.00

00:27:05.000 You know, you're living in 1991. You have no idea what radio is these days. 1.00

00:27:11.000 I did a radio interview a long time ago, and, you know, I was trying to play the game, and it's like I set the guy up on a bit, and it was just this old bit I used to do, saying I went through the Burger King drive-thru, I felt like an idiot, I ordered a cheeseburger, they said drive around,

00:27:27.000 so I drove around for about a half an hour.

00:27:30.000 Alright, that's the joke.

00:27:31.000 Alright, so I'm in the radio station.

00:27:35.000 The guy goes, I understand.

00:27:36.000 You like to go to fast food places, you know?

00:27:40.000 He's like a southern guy.

00:27:41.000 So I said, yeah.

00:27:42.000 I said, I went to Burger King the other day.

00:27:44.000 I ordered a cheeseburger.

00:27:45.000 And the guy said, drive around.

00:27:48.000 And he went, ha ha!

00:27:50.000 We'll be back after this!

00:27:57.000 And I'm like, wow.

00:27:59.000 That's gonna move a lot of tickets.

00:28:01.000 There's a lot of good guys.

00:28:02.000 That's gonna sell a lot of tickets out there.

00:28:04.000 There's a lot of good guys out there doing radio.

00:28:06.000 There's a lot of good guys.

00:28:07.000 They're cool.

00:28:08.000 They're happy to have you in there.

00:28:10.000 They're happy to talk to you. 0.98

00:28:11.000 But there's also a lot of shitheads that wish they were comedians. 0.99

00:28:14.000 And there's a lot of shitheads that, like, they kind of, like, they... 1.00

00:28:19.000 They either wanted to be comedians, they didn't have the balls to do it, or they're judging comedians, like, whatever it is, but you'll see them, like, trying to fuck with you while you're on the air. 0.99

00:28:29.000 There's also some people that think that there's only one way to get attention is through conflict. 0.99

00:28:34.000 You get those guys, too. 0.99

00:28:35.000 I've been on those morning shows, and they're just fucking... 0.99

00:28:38.000 God, it's just like... 0.98

00:28:39.000 But that's just what happens when you're out there on the road, you know, you're doing these local shows trying to pump up your performances.

00:28:46.000 And everybody has different skill sets.

00:28:49.000 That was never my skill set.

00:28:51.000 I'm not a go toe-to-toe kind of guy.

00:28:54.000 And if I get into an atmosphere where I feel it's adversarial or they're trying to, I don't know, push buttons or see if I can come back at little lighthearted insults or whatever, I kind of shut down.

00:29:09.000 I just like to be a...

00:29:11.000 You know, fairly decent guy, nice guy.

00:29:13.000 I want to do my comedy.

00:29:15.000 You know what I mean?

00:29:15.000 I don't want to hurt anybody, and I don't want to be into those awkward situations.

00:29:19.000 Well, some people live off that.

00:29:20.000 Like, that's their whole thing.

00:29:22.000 Their whole thing is conflict.

00:29:23.000 Constant conflict.

00:29:24.000 They'll create artificial drama.

00:29:25.000 Like, hey, we're going to get into one another.

00:29:27.000 I had this one guy, like, we're going to have a fake fight about this guy.

00:29:30.000 It was about Carlos Mencia.

00:29:31.000 We're going to have a fake fight.

00:29:32.000 I'm going to pretend that I'm taking his side.

00:29:34.000 And I'm like, okay, let's see how this works.

00:29:37.000 Go ahead.

00:29:37.000 We're going to do a play.

00:29:39.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:29:39.000 We're doing an improvised play.

00:29:44.000 It's just that whole genre was so limited.

00:29:48.000 The genre of radio itself is so dead.

00:29:51.000 When you have instant access to podcasts on your car, right from the car stereo, right from the factory, which you're starting to see now with Stitcher, and you're starting to see these integrated apps, and I know I'm...

00:30:05.000 Pretty aware that there's quite a few other companies that are interested in getting into it.

00:30:08.000 They're starting to prepare to integrate themselves with radios.

00:30:14.000 And a lot of cars come with Wi-Fi in the car, like cellular Wi-Fi.

00:30:19.000 I've rented a Cadillac, one of those Escalades.

00:30:21.000 Yeah.

00:30:22.000 Loved it. 1.00

00:30:22.000 Big fucking giant American monster. 1.00

00:30:25.000 Really comfortable and handles really well, too. 1.00

00:30:27.000 I was really impressed.

00:30:28.000 The new one is pretty badass.

00:30:30.000 But one of the things that was crazy was the guy was explaining to me that it has built-in cellular connection for Wi-Fi.

00:30:37.000 So you could set up a Wi-Fi hotspot in your car.

00:30:40.000 You could work from your backseat with your car acting as a Wi-Fi spot. 0.98

00:30:44.000 So if your kids are in the backseat, if it has a rear entertainment system, or if they have an iPad and they want to download apps or a movie or whatever, you can download it from your fucking car as you're driving. 0.97

00:30:55.000 I don't... 0.95

00:30:56.000 All this technology stuff, I'm starting to just get further and further away from understanding what's going on.

00:31:04.000 Flip phone?

00:31:06.000 No, no, no.

00:31:06.000 I've got an iPhone.

00:31:08.000 I've got an iPhone.

00:31:09.000 Dave Attell and Ari Shaffir both have flip phones.

00:31:12.000 No way.

00:31:13.000 Wow.

00:31:13.000 Ari just recently went back to a flip phone.

00:31:15.000 I don't think Dave ever left.

00:31:17.000 Well, the car I just got, you know, the guy was explaining, you know, the phone becomes your radio through Bluetooth.

00:31:29.000 I don't even know what that means.

00:31:30.000 So easy.

00:31:31.000 That's so easy.

00:31:32.000 I do that.

00:31:33.000 So I get in my car and I'm driving off the...

00:31:36.000 You know, the lot, and then my radio starts ringing.

00:31:42.000 You know, like, I don't know.

00:31:44.000 It was my phone.

00:31:45.000 It was my phone through the Bluetooth.

00:31:48.000 Wait a minute, how long ago was this?

00:31:51.000 This is yesterday?

00:31:52.000 No, no, no.

00:31:53.000 A few months ago.

00:31:54.000 A few months ago you didn't know?

00:31:55.000 I don't know what was going on. 1.00

00:31:57.000 That your fucking car can ring? 1.00

00:31:57.000 No. 1.00

00:31:59.000 You're not that old, man.

00:32:01.000 This is crazy.

00:32:02.000 No, I figured out...

00:32:04.000 My mom knows that.

00:32:05.000 But I didn't know how to answer it.

00:32:06.000 I didn't know how to...

00:32:07.000 You know what I'm like?

00:32:08.000 Just start yelling.

00:32:09.000 Hello!

00:32:10.000 That's what I did.

00:32:11.000 I just opened a window.

00:32:12.000 Whoever's trying to communicate with me!

00:32:15.000 I'll meet you at the next red light!

00:32:17.000 What did you do?

00:32:20.000 I was looking at the steering wheel and I saw a little thing that had a button with a phone, like a phone icon.

00:32:28.000 So I just press that button and I'm like saying hello.

00:32:33.000 It felt weird.

00:32:34.000 I'm like saying hello out loud in a car by myself.

00:32:37.000 And then I hear somebody talking to me and I'm like, God, this is strange, you know?

00:32:43.000 So I had a conversation.

00:32:45.000 I had a conversation out loud to somebody that wasn't there.

00:32:48.000 Yeah, those Bluetooth microphones are getting pretty goddamn good now.

00:32:51.000 Some cars, really high-end cars, it almost sounds like you're talking to someone just on a regular handset.

00:32:57.000 But I had an old one, Ben.

00:32:58.000 It sounded like I was in the middle of Madison Square Garden, and my phone was like 50 feet away, and I was screaming at it.

00:33:05.000 That's what it sounded like.

00:33:08.000 It would be horrible.

00:33:10.000 People would, I'm going to record you so you could hear how bad you sound to me.

00:33:14.000 Is it normal to you now?

00:33:15.000 Like, do you use it every day or do you still are scared of it when it rings?

00:33:19.000 I've still only had like two or three phone calls that way through the car because, you know, you're supposed to activate.

00:33:27.000 I don't turn on the Bluetooth part on my phone.

00:33:30.000 Sometimes I think of it and sometimes I don't.

00:33:32.000 So usually I don't even have that on.

00:33:33.000 But every once in a while I'll go, oh, I'll turn that Bluetooth thing on in case I get a phone call.

00:33:37.000 And then I'll hope for a phone call because it's like, now I'm ready.

00:33:40.000 I know.

00:33:40.000 Well, you have to pair it to your car.

00:33:42.000 I picture you driving like a 1978 Seville, one of those big long ones, nice and slow, waving to everybody.

00:33:50.000 No, it's one of them modern SUV deals.

00:33:53.000 You drive a regular car?

00:33:54.000 Yeah.

00:33:54.000 Yeah, okay.

00:33:55.000 Anti-lock brakes, the whole deal.

00:33:57.000 Navigation system, you use that?

00:33:58.000 I don't know.

00:33:59.000 You use maps?

00:34:00.000 Mapquest?

00:34:00.000 Print it out still?

00:34:02.000 He doesn't print it out. 0.99

00:34:04.000 No, he gets one of those goddamn Thomas guides. 0.99

00:34:06.000 That's why I need red lights. 0.99

00:34:08.000 That's why you stop and go, where is such and such?

00:34:11.000 You know? 0.98

00:34:11.000 Remember those Thomas guides where you have the fucking G2? You sank my battleship. 0.98

00:34:16.000 You had to fucking go down. 1.00

00:34:17.000 People would tell you on the Thomas guide where the address was. 0.99

00:34:20.000 Do you remember Triptics?

00:34:21.000 Where you get a trip away and they'd print out your whole entire trip to if you're going somewhere and you'd turn the page.

00:34:26.000 You're like, I got five more pages left until I get there.

00:34:29.000 I remember the first time I rented a car that had that GPS thing when it was first coming out.

00:34:35.000 And it showed, like on a map while you were driving, it had like a little triangle which represented your car, right?

00:34:42.000 And then it's showing a map as you're going.

00:34:44.000 And I had never seen that.

00:34:45.000 This was, what, 15 years ago when those first came out?

00:34:48.000 And I was like, wow, that's amazing.

00:34:50.000 And I wanted to see what would happen if I drove in circles.

00:34:53.000 So I got off the highway and went into like a Holiday Inn parking lot and just started driving in circles because I wanted to see if the triangle went in circles or if the whole map shifted, you know?

00:35:06.000 And I forget what the answer was.

00:35:08.000 It's either or.

00:35:09.000 I mean, depending on...

00:35:11.000 You can do it either way?

00:35:11.000 Yeah, how high-end the navigation system is.

00:35:14.000 You can actually change it.

00:35:15.000 You can change it so it follows the direction you're traveling or where the map is always facing north.

00:35:20.000 So if you're taking a left, your arrow is going left.

00:35:23.000 Oh, I see.

00:35:23.000 The map stays straight.

00:35:24.000 Or you could do it so that no matter where you're going, the arrow is going straight.

00:35:28.000 And then the world adjusts around you.

00:35:30.000 Which I like.

00:35:31.000 I like the world to adjust to me.

00:35:33.000 I just...

00:35:33.000 I remember...

00:35:35.000 Yeah, right?

00:35:36.000 I'm going that way.

00:35:37.000 It's about me and my travels.

00:35:41.000 And this world needs to factor in where my arrow is going. 0.99

00:35:44.000 This planet needs to suck it. 1.00

00:35:47.000 Some of them are really good, man. 0.99

00:35:50.000 Like the Cadillac one that I just rented was amazing because the screen was a laptop.

00:35:55.000 It's huge.

00:35:56.000 The Cadillac navigation screen and the screen that's on the dashboard screen, it's not a dashboard anymore.

00:36:03.000 It's an LCD screen. 0.94

00:36:05.000 So all the different shit, like your TAC and your speedometer, it's not real. 0.99

00:36:09.000 They're virtual. 0.98

00:36:10.000 So it's all flat screen and you're looking at a digital image of a speedometer that shows you...

00:36:16.000 It looks like a circular analog speedometer.

00:36:19.000 Right.

00:36:20.000 And it goes like...

00:36:21.000 You can see the dial moving, but it's not.

00:36:23.000 It's all digital.

00:36:24.000 It's all digital.

00:36:25.000 Yeah, a lot of cars are doing that now. 0.98

00:36:27.000 It's pretty hard to fuck with, like, Waze, though.

00:36:29.000 You know, I don't know if you use Waze at all. 0.97

00:36:30.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, Waze is great. 0.95

00:36:31.000 I mean, that's saved me so many, like, oh, shit, there's a cop ahead. 0.96

00:36:35.000 Well, Tony and I rented, when we were up in Portland, we rented this Cadillac. 1.00

00:36:38.000 And talking to the Cadillac, I would start screaming at him, you fucking bitch, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:36:43.000 Like, you know, there's a button, like, take me to Helium Comedy Club. 1.00

00:36:46.000 It didn't know what the fuck to do. 0.99

00:36:49.000 Oh, oh. 0.99

00:36:49.000 But I go, check this out. 0.99

00:36:52.000 Navigate to Helium Comedy Club.

00:36:53.000 I just press Siri, and Siri goes, navigating to Helium Comedy Club. 1.00

00:36:57.000 Bitch, you're the best! 1.00

00:36:58.000 And I throw my phone down, and I just listen to the phone. 1.00

00:37:00.000 Like, fuck this navigation system in the car. 0.99

00:37:02.000 They're just not as good. 0.99

00:37:03.000 I want to try Apple Play, which is where it pretty much just takes your Apple screen on the GPS. So you have all the Spotify or whatever you have on your phone.

00:37:13.000 What is that?

00:37:13.000 It's called Apple Play.

00:37:14.000 It's in some cars already.

00:37:15.000 You could also do, like, I'm thinking about getting my Ford.

00:37:18.000 I have an old Ford Edge.

00:37:19.000 And they'd take out the screen and they'd put in like an iPad in it.

00:37:22.000 So then it's just an iPad.

00:37:24.000 Ooh, who's doing that?

00:37:25.000 A lot of car places are doing that nowadays.

00:37:27.000 Really?

00:37:28.000 Like those custom car places, they just throw in an iPad.

00:37:30.000 That's way better.

00:37:31.000 Yeah.

00:37:31.000 But what about the, you mean separate from where the speedometer and all that stuff and the gas gauge?

00:37:37.000 The middle part.

00:37:37.000 The middle part where the navigation is.

00:37:39.000 Yeah, like mine is, I got 2008. And the thing in there is just so outdated and stuff, so it's pointless to even have it.

00:37:46.000 So they just take that out, put an iPad in there with like 3G or 4TE, LTE or whatever.

00:37:51.000 And so you have internet, you can make hotspots, you also have an iPad in there.

00:37:56.000 That's way better.

00:37:57.000 Way better, yeah. 0.99

00:37:58.000 The problem is a lot of those things, they have a lot of shit integrated into those screens, like they have like your, your, your heat. 0.95

00:38:03.000 Mileage and stuff, yeah. 0.98

00:38:04.000 No, your, like your, your, you know, like the, the temperature of the car and air conditioning and all that jazz.

00:38:10.000 Like a lot of it is integrated into the screen.

00:38:12.000 Use of the phone, Bluetooth, this, that, the other thing.

00:38:16.000 Like, They have these adapters now for, like, cars, so, like, a lot of, like, mine has, like, my health reports are all built into my stereo, so we're, like, uh...

00:38:24.000 Health reports? 1.00

00:38:25.000 It's like, you're dead, bitch. 1.00

00:38:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:26.000 No. 1.00

00:38:26.000 You're not good. 1.00

00:38:27.000 You look green.

00:38:28.000 Right.

00:38:29.000 Where it tells you you need, like...

00:38:30.000 Because you're driving.

00:38:31.000 I don't know that I want a health report constantly. 1.00

00:38:33.000 You look like shit, son. 1.00

00:38:34.000 You got AIDS. Turn left. 1.00

00:38:36.000 Did you sleep a minute last night?

00:38:38.000 Is this real?

00:38:41.000 How much cocaine?

00:38:42.000 That's crazy.

00:38:43.000 It takes your blood from the steering wheel.

00:38:45.000 It gives you a little pinprick.

00:38:47.000 That's coming, right?

00:38:48.000 When you're grabbing on the steering wheel, it should have your heart rate already displayed.

00:38:54.000 They're going to be able to give you a scan with an app.

00:38:58.000 For sure, they're going to be able to have an app where you can scan someone to find out what's wrong with them.

00:39:03.000 I mean, it's not gonna happen tomorrow, but it'll probably happen within a decade.

00:39:06.000 There'll probably be something you have to wear.

00:39:08.000 You know, like, people wear those Fitbits, those wrist things, and the wrist things tell you, like, how much you slept.

00:39:13.000 Like, they'll tell you your sleep cycle.

00:39:16.000 Like, people are really into those, man.

00:39:17.000 Finding out how deep they slept and how much REM sleep you got.

00:39:21.000 Yeah, and those things are pretty slick because they show up on your, you know, your computer.

00:39:26.000 You can, like, read the readouts.

00:39:28.000 Like, this week I've been getting much more sleep, and my heart rate is lower, and this is that, and my fitness level, my body fat, all that jazz.

00:39:35.000 You can add all that stuff in, and, you know, you look at, like, your life.

00:39:39.000 It's like you can look at your body, like the health of your body.

00:39:42.000 Like, you would look at the, you know, analysis of a car.

00:39:45.000 Like, when they plug a car into a computer now, if you go to get a tune-up...

00:39:50.000 A lot of these newer cars, everything is done by computer, so they're doing everything.

00:39:54.000 They're checking your smog, they're checking the way the engine works. 0.94

00:39:58.000 All that shit is just being analyzed by a computer. 0.99

00:40:01.000 You talked about the Cadillac Escalade. 0.99

00:40:04.000 I had one of those as my previous car, and...

00:40:09.000 Somehow, on my email, I would be sent a monthly status report of my car.

00:40:15.000 Like if a tire was low on pressure or something like that.

00:40:20.000 It would come in an email.

00:40:22.000 How about tell me now?

00:40:24.000 How about not email me?

00:40:24.000 I thought that was amazing, though.

00:40:26.000 That is pretty cool.

00:40:28.000 You know, it seems like technology, things get easier to use, like more user-friendly, and then they go to another level where they get more challenging again.

00:40:39.000 You know, like when computers first came out, you couldn't work a computer unless you took a computer class and figured out how to work those deals.

00:40:46.000 And then they became user-friendly, where they're very visual and you just click, click, click, click, click.

00:40:53.000 Talk about televisions.

00:40:55.000 Televisions have gotten so complicated, I don't even know how to work my TV. Yeah, like inputs and shit. 0.99

00:41:02.000 Every single thing, you know, it's like...

00:41:05.000 Why is there like nine different configurations of the screen?

00:41:10.000 You want letterbox, you want widescreen, you want normal screen, you want 5 to 2 ratio, 3 to 7 ratio.

00:41:16.000 I don't even know, why isn't there just one thing?

00:41:19.000 Right.

00:41:20.000 Why don't you just plug the TV in and it comes on?

00:41:23.000 You know why?

00:41:24.000 Because there's a lot of people that are real tech geeks. 1.00

00:41:27.000 They love that shit. 0.99

00:41:28.000 Like when they do that CES show in Vegas, have you ever gone to that? 1.00

00:41:31.000 No.

00:41:32.000 You need to go to that. 1.00

00:41:33.000 You want to blow your fucking brains out? 1.00

00:41:34.000 No. 1.00

00:41:35.000 I don't need to go to that.

00:41:37.000 I need to not go to that.

00:41:38.000 Well, it's fascinating.

00:41:39.000 It's fascinating to see like all the gadgets that they're working on.

00:41:42.000 Like one of the podcast sponsors, what is that?

00:41:45.000 Jamie, pull that up if you can.

00:41:46.000 That one thing that won the CES Best Show.

00:41:51.000 SmartThings, it's one of the sponsors for this podcast and it allows you to do everything from your phone.

00:41:56.000 Turn your lights on, change your heat. 0.99

00:41:59.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:42:00.000 You do it from your phone when you're not even there. 0.99

00:42:02.000 I have something like that.

00:42:04.000 SmartThings.com. 0.93

00:42:05.000 This is one CES best new, whatever the fuck it is, best app, just some badass award. 0.94

00:42:13.000 Look at this. 0.97

00:42:13.000 Yeah, it's pretty slick. 0.97

00:42:15.000 Yeah, we're in the future right here.

00:42:16.000 This podcast in the future.

00:42:17.000 Like if I asked you to put something up here, you just put it up? 0.97

00:42:20.000 Fuck yeah, dude, we're in HD too. 0.97

00:42:21.000 See that TriCaster? 0.99

00:42:23.000 That thing crashes every 10 shows.

00:42:25.000 It's powerful.

00:42:26.000 It really does crash every 10 shows.

00:42:28.000 So is this something that plugs into an outlet that has a Wi-Fi connection to it so it turns on and off?

00:42:34.000 Yep, it does everything.

00:42:35.000 It does everything.

00:42:36.000 I'm setting up my whole house with this.

00:42:37.000 They sent it to me.

00:42:38.000 I'm setting my whole house up with this.

00:42:40.000 So it all works from an app. 0.99

00:42:42.000 It's fucking sweet. 0.97

00:42:43.000 And then someone can hack it in the middle of the night. 1.00

00:42:45.000 Your house turns into a fucking disco. 1.00

00:42:47.000 Strobe you. 1.00

00:42:51.000 And they start playing like Taylor Swift really.

00:42:53.000 Shake it up! 1.00

00:42:54.000 Right.

00:42:55.000 And you can't stop it.

00:42:57.000 It is pretty crazy.

00:42:58.000 Like drop cam, those little cameras, I put one in my bed so I can record myself sleeping to see how many times I wake up because it's got motion control so it will show when you move or when you make a noise.

00:43:08.000 And it's crazy how many times I will wake up and say something and then go back to bed.

00:43:13.000 Okay, so...

00:43:14.000 There's your body fighting off death.

00:43:15.000 Wait a second.

00:43:16.000 There's 24 hours in a day.

00:43:18.000 Eight of them you're sleeping, and another eight you're watching you sleeping.

00:43:23.000 Yes, he analyzes the footage.

00:43:24.000 So that leaves eight to actually try to accomplish something. 0.99

00:43:27.000 No, he's not trying to accomplish shit. 0.99

00:43:29.000 You don't know Brian. 0.99

00:43:30.000 He's just having fun.

00:43:32.000 But this sounds like one of those poltergeist movies. 1.00

00:43:35.000 Like you would see the fucking ghost hovering over you in the middle of the night, fucking your face while you're sleeping. 1.00

00:43:41.000 What is that? 1.00

00:43:42.000 Rewind it!

00:43:42.000 Like one of those paranormal...

00:43:44.000 It is crazy because, like, I talk a lot in my sleep, I guess, and when you do talk, it's like somebody else is talking but using your mouth and voice, and you have no recollection.

00:43:53.000 Like, you weren't doing it.

00:43:54.000 Somebody else is controlling your body is what it seems like.

00:43:57.000 What are they saying to you?

00:43:58.000 I don't know.

00:43:58.000 Like, I'll wake up and just be like, why do I hate myself?

00:44:01.000 We're up for it.

00:44:02.000 And I'm just like, then I go back to bed.

00:44:05.000 But yeah, it's weird.

00:44:07.000 It's creepy seeing yourself not awake and talking. 0.93

00:44:10.000 This whole sleeping is very fucking strange. 0.82

00:44:14.000 Kelly Starrett is one of the guys who's been on the podcast before. 0.97

00:44:16.000 He's a fitness expert.

00:44:18.000 He's sending me this thing.

00:44:21.000 It's like a pad that you put under your sheets, and it chills you down to your body.

00:44:29.000 It's very cold.

00:44:31.000 You're sleeping in it.

00:44:32.000 I think it gets down to between 58 and 62 degrees.

00:44:37.000 You plug it in?

00:44:37.000 Yeah, and you sleep essentially air-conditioned.

00:44:41.000 Wow. 0.99

00:44:42.000 And I'm like, I'm looking at them like, why the fuck would you do that? 0.99

00:44:45.000 Like, I want to be warm. 0.97

00:44:46.000 What's the purpose?

00:44:47.000 Apparently, your body gets the deepest sleep.

00:44:50.000 If it's a little chilled?

00:44:52.000 If you're in a chilly environment.

00:44:53.000 Like, Joey Diaz has always said that.

00:44:55.000 Joey Diaz sleeps.

00:44:56.000 Like, you go into his room.

00:44:57.000 I've gone into his room before, like, when we're on the road together. 0.99

00:45:00.000 And I'm like, well, there's fucking penguins waddling out of here. 1.00

00:45:03.000 It's ridiculous. 0.99

00:45:04.000 Like, he takes his AC and he cranks it to the bottom. 0.64

00:45:08.000 He will take it, like, if you go to a hotel and it gives you, like, 30 degrees or whatever, he will literally try to get his hotel down to 30 degrees. 1.00

00:45:15.000 He's fucking crazy. 0.91

00:45:17.000 I've always thought, because he's, you know, he's very overweight, and I always say, like, it was probably, like, if you're walking around everywhere wearing, like, 10 jackets, like, you would want everything to be colder in your room. 1.00

00:45:28.000 So that's what he's doing.

00:45:29.000 He's covered in extra fat.

00:45:32.000 I think it's bizarre that the human body needs this weird recharge mode, this sleeping thing.

00:45:41.000 You know, for like a third of the time you're alive, You've got to be in some bed, just regrouping.

00:45:49.000 I wonder if medical people at some point would ever be able to eliminate that.

00:45:55.000 They've worked on that.

00:45:57.000 They're very close.

00:45:58.000 There's actually some various work that's been done on creating some sort of a pill that makes it like where your body completely resets and you don't need it anymore.

00:46:07.000 There's a bunch of different options that the people have worked on, but I don't think they totally understand what's going on during sleep.

00:46:14.000 I think people that don't sleep, like they've done some tests on people where they've forced them to not sleep for like three or four days in a row.

00:46:22.000 You become psychotic. 1.00

00:46:23.000 You start seeing shit. 1.00

00:46:24.000 You hallucinate. 1.00

00:46:25.000 You become completely out of it.

00:46:28.000 But that's what you're doing when you're sleeping.

00:46:30.000 You're dreaming.

00:46:32.000 You're seeing things that aren't really there.

00:46:34.000 So it's either going to take place...

00:46:36.000 While you're sleeping, or if you don't sleep, while you're awake.

00:46:39.000 I wonder if it's the same effect.

00:46:42.000 I wonder if they measure your chemicals, the chemicals in your brain.

00:46:45.000 I wonder if it's the same thing that's going on when they do those sleep deprivation studies.

00:46:49.000 Because people just, they get close to heart attacks.

00:46:52.000 They're ready to die.

00:46:53.000 You will die if you don't get enough sleep. 0.77

00:46:56.000 Yeah.

00:46:56.000 I just wonder what the, I'm sure there are dream experts who work on this, but I'm fascinated with What's going on when someone's dreaming?

00:47:08.000 What is the purpose of the dream and what is it helping you with when you're awake?

00:47:14.000 If you have a dream that has anxiety in it or if you have a dream where you're being chased or any of these typical dreams that people have, I just wonder what is the purpose of that?

00:47:25.000 Your brain and your body is doing that for a reason.

00:47:28.000 Well, I have work-related dreams sometimes.

00:47:31.000 I do too.

00:47:32.000 Those work-related dreams are almost always related to actual concerns that I have in real life.

00:47:36.000 Like, I'll have work-related dreams that I forget my material, and it might be because I haven't been working.

00:47:43.000 Like, I took a week off or something like that.

00:47:44.000 And although I know, like...

00:47:48.000 Externally, I know like or I shouldn't say externally like I know consciously that like if I'm gonna do a show like say on Friday and I haven't worked for a week or so I'll do a few tune-up shows I'll do a show on Wednesday or show on Thursday I'll go over my material listen to recordings, but my brain doesn't trust that I'm actually gonna do that So if I haven't worked for a week my brain like dude, 0.98

00:48:09.000 you don't even remember your new shit on stage Bunch of people hate to see you. 0.99

00:48:14.000 You don't even remember this new shit. 1.00

00:48:15.000 You're working on and In my brain, I'm like, I didn't remember my new shit. 1.00

00:48:19.000 Stop! 1.00

00:48:20.000 I got it written down!

00:48:21.000 I got recordings!

00:48:22.000 But your brain doesn't want to hear that. 1.00

00:48:23.000 Your brain's like, listen, fucker, you better stay on the ball constantly. 1.00

00:48:27.000 Any little weird thing that you might have in the back of your head that could possibly go wrong, that'll be brought to the forefront while you're sleeping for some reason. 1.00

00:48:34.000 I have a lot of dreams about shows, but they're always pre-show.

00:48:40.000 They're never me on stage.

00:48:42.000 It's always assessing...

00:48:44.000 Assessing the situation.

00:48:45.000 It's always looking at the crowd, looking at how the tables are set up, looking at the lighting, and it's all pre...

00:48:52.000 I don't know why.

00:48:53.000 I don't know why those are the dreams.

00:48:54.000 I never hit the stage in the dreams.

00:48:57.000 How many dreams do you have of pre-show?

00:48:59.000 I've probably had, I don't know, gosh, 100 in my life.

00:49:03.000 Really?

00:49:03.000 That's strange.

00:49:05.000 And they're all pre-show, you know, walking around while the other guy's on stage and peeking out the side and trying to see if people are focused.

00:49:15.000 And yet, in real life, I don't really have that anxiety.

00:49:18.000 I mean, you know what I mean?

00:49:19.000 It's not part of my, maybe a little bit, but not to the degree that it happens in my dreams.

00:49:24.000 That's so strange.

00:49:25.000 Yeah.

00:49:25.000 They have those dream dictionaries or Bibles where, like, if you're flying, that means you're trying to reach something in your life that's, you know, hard to get to and stuff.

00:49:33.000 Have you ever looked at one of those and tried to...

00:49:35.000 I don't buy that.

00:49:36.000 Well...

00:49:37.000 Some of it I do kind of buy.

00:49:38.000 Do you?

00:49:38.000 The flying one, I do.

00:49:40.000 But...

00:49:40.000 Drowning, maybe.

00:49:41.000 And I used to have the flying dreams, which I don't have anymore.

00:49:44.000 When I was young, I used to have this very bizarre recurring dream that I was the only one that figured out how to fly.

00:49:54.000 And it was all about, no, no, no.

00:49:57.000 It was a very gentle flight.

00:49:59.000 It was trusting a gentle breeze.

00:50:03.000 That's so bizarre.

00:50:05.000 I was the only one that knew it could be like a three, four mile an hour breeze.

00:50:10.000 I knew how to face it.

00:50:13.000 And trust it.

00:50:14.000 I had to lean forward into it, and then just lift my feet, and then I would just start kind of going up like a balloon, very gently, and everybody would go, what the hell is going on here?

00:50:24.000 That's so strange.

00:50:25.000 But I was the only one that knew how to do it, like no one else could figure it out.

00:50:28.000 But it was a trust thing.

00:50:29.000 I had to trust that I could do it.

00:50:31.000 That's so strange.

00:50:32.000 What a bizarre dream.

00:50:34.000 I know.

00:50:34.000 I always had the flying one, but it was always very violent, trying to do the bird flapping wing type thing.

00:50:45.000 Yeah, everybody wants to fly and everybody wants to be able to breathe underwater.

00:50:50.000 Those are two big ones.

00:50:51.000 I don't have that.

00:50:52.000 You ever had that?

00:50:52.000 I don't have the water one, no.

00:50:53.000 I've had that one.

00:50:54.000 I've had the flying one and the breathe underwater one.

00:50:57.000 Yeah, those are like recurring archetypes or themes to dreams.

00:51:03.000 The other one is sex.

00:51:05.000 Do you guys have reoccurring houses?

00:51:09.000 Do you get that soundtrack in your dreams?

00:51:12.000 Always.

00:51:12.000 Do you guys get reoccurring houses that you don't...

00:51:18.000 What's that sound?

00:51:19.000 Do you guys hear that?

00:51:19.000 Did I do something?

00:51:20.000 Yeah, what is that?

00:51:21.000 What happened?

00:51:22.000 You don't hear that, Janet?

00:51:25.000 Okay, that's not good. 1.00

00:51:26.000 It's a TriCaster about to shit in our mouth. 1.00

00:51:29.000 You're about to have a sex dream, and it's a soundtrack starting to warm up. 1.00

00:51:34.000 Whoa, that's an awful sound.

00:51:36.000 Is that coming through?

00:51:37.000 What'd you just do?

00:51:39.000 It's that.

00:51:40.000 Move your laptop.

00:51:42.000 Look at that.

00:51:44.000 How weird.

00:51:46.000 Nope.

00:51:47.000 Your laptop's on the microphone.

00:51:49.000 Cable.

00:51:50.000 That's weird.

00:51:51.000 Yeah, it's on the mic cable.

00:51:52.000 Makes sense.

00:51:52.000 Do you guys have reoccurring, like...

00:51:54.000 What the fuck did you just do there? 0.99

00:51:56.000 What? 1.00

00:51:56.000 Did you hear that? 1.00

00:51:56.000 That crackle? 1.00

00:51:58.000 Whoa.

00:51:59.000 Was it only on my side?

00:52:01.000 Whoa.

00:52:01.000 Yeah, I didn't hear that one.

00:52:02.000 We got ghosts in this fucking studio. 1.00

00:52:04.000 Maybe that was your spine. 1.00

00:52:05.000 I just heard, like, this crazy crackle.

00:52:08.000 Do you guys have reoccurring places in your dreams that don't even make sense?

00:52:12.000 Like, I have a place that every time I go to, I'm like, oh, I'm at this place again, but it's not my house.

00:52:16.000 It's not a place I've been to.

00:52:17.000 It's just a reoccurring environment.

00:52:21.000 What is it?

00:52:21.000 Like, what does it look like?

00:52:22.000 It's a hotel that's really, really tall, and the elevator is really fast, and it's just like this old haunted hotel, and I always go to the same hotel, and it's not a real hotel that I think of.

00:52:36.000 But ever since I was a kid, exact same hotel.

00:52:39.000 And I'll have that dream like once a year where I go to this weird hotel.

00:52:43.000 That hotel is in my dream, but I'm gently floating past on a breeze.

00:52:49.000 And I just look over and I kind of wave at you down there.

00:52:53.000 And you're flying up and down like Tower of Terror.

00:52:55.000 That's right.

00:52:56.000 It's like Tower of Terror at Disneyland.

00:52:58.000 You're terrorized.

00:52:59.000 I can see you terrorized over there, but I'm just gently enjoying life.

00:53:02.000 Have you ever done that?

00:53:03.000 Tower of Terror at Disneyland?

00:53:04.000 No.

00:53:05.000 California Adventures.

00:53:06.000 I've done it. 0.99

00:53:06.000 It's fucking awesome. 0.99

00:53:06.000 That's what it is. 0.99

00:53:07.000 It's a haunted hotel elevator.

00:53:08.000 Wow.

00:53:09.000 Yeah, that's what I was thinking when you were describing it.

00:53:12.000 That's the Tower of Terror.

00:53:13.000 Maybe...

00:53:14.000 It's a dope elevator ride if you've ever done it.

00:53:16.000 Yeah, it's really fun.

00:53:17.000 It's not the Haunted Mansion elevator where it stretches.

00:53:19.000 No, no.

00:53:20.000 It's Tower of Terror.

00:53:21.000 It said, California Great Adventure.

00:53:23.000 Huh. 0.99

00:53:24.000 California Adventures, whatever the fuck it is. 0.98

00:53:26.000 And you get on this elevator and it tells you the story. 0.98

00:53:29.000 It shows it's like some Rod Sterling type dude pretending to be the Twilight Zone guy.

00:53:33.000 Right.

00:53:33.000 And he tells you the whole story about these people that got zapped by electricity, and a lightning bolt came and hit the elevator and killed them and turned them into ghosts, and now they're fucking haunted, and the elevator's haunted, and you go flying up, flying down.

00:53:47.000 Yeah, literally, your ass comes off the seat. 0.99

00:53:49.000 You have to strap in, but your ass literally comes up off the seat because you go down so quickly. 1.00

00:53:54.000 You go down faster than gravity. 1.00

00:53:56.000 Yeah.

00:53:56.000 You should do that.

00:53:58.000 No, I don't want to do that.

00:53:58.000 It's fun.

00:53:59.000 What if dreams are the real world and this is the actual fake?

00:54:03.000 What if ice cream is actually hot?

00:54:07.000 What ifs?

00:54:08.000 What are you talking about?

00:54:09.000 What ifs? 0.99

00:54:10.000 That's a dumb one, though. 0.91

00:54:12.000 What if dreams are the real world? 0.97

00:54:13.000 Well, there's no idea. 0.94

00:54:16.000 No one has any idea what the fuck is going on when you close your eyes. 0.95

00:54:20.000 You wake up in the morning and you've got a whole new day. 0.98

00:54:22.000 That consciousness, whatever it is, you know, unconscious consciousness, that state of mind, whatever it is, while you're sleeping, is very, very...

00:54:31.000 Like poorly understood we know that there's all sorts of chemicals floating around inside the brain while that's happening There's REM sleep and all these different neurotransmitters that are buzzing around your your system But we don't really know what's going on We don't you know when you have a deep we assume that it's connected to various Anxieties and wants and needs and those are like the source of your dreams But at the end of the day,

00:54:52.000 it's a lot of fucking speculating a lot of speculating as to what's happening while you're dreaming mm-hmm software updates It could be. 0.74

00:55:00.000 It could be that we have this idea. 0.97

00:55:04.000 This is where it gets real weird, right?

00:55:06.000 We have this idea that everything that is in this world, where you touch things, and you pick things up, and you weigh things, you measure things, that that's the only way things can be real.

00:55:15.000 The only way things can be real is if you can measure them, weigh them, and put them in a box and carry them around.

00:55:20.000 But that's our own prejudice because that's how we live most of our conscious life.

00:55:24.000 We live most of our conscious life with very hard physical things.

00:55:28.000 But if you could just abandon that for a moment and just imagine a world where you don't have physical things that you pick up, would it be possible to exist only in a state of thought?

00:55:38.000 Would it be possible that The mind is another environment, or what you're thinking about in your imagination is another environment.

00:55:47.000 It's just you don't...

00:55:48.000 There's no solid things there.

00:55:50.000 That's weird.

00:55:51.000 Yeah.

00:55:52.000 I mean, that's really what's going on.

00:55:53.000 Well, here's one thing.

00:55:55.000 You talk about what's real and what's not real.

00:55:57.000 I've had many moments in my dreams where I'm trying to decide if it's real or not, and I come to the conclusion that it is real.

00:56:06.000 Okay?

00:56:06.000 In my dream.

00:56:08.000 And then when I wake up, you know, we're in a different plane of existence where I go, okay, that was a dream, but why wasn't that real while it was happening?

00:56:17.000 If I came to the conclusion that that was real while I was experiencing it, I mean, that was as real at that time as later when I'm awake.

00:56:27.000 Yeah, why are you not trusting your dream self and only trusting this self?

00:56:31.000 Well, because this self is there all the time.

00:56:33.000 Anyway, I'm going to be at the Chuckle Hut this Saturday...

00:56:38.000 I got two shows Friday, two Saturday.

00:56:42.000 It is a weird world, the world of dreams.

00:56:45.000 It's a weird world.

00:56:47.000 All these people analyze them.

00:56:49.000 All these people debate what's going on.

00:56:51.000 I feel like I gave away my Breeze dream.

00:56:53.000 Now everyone's gonna be...

00:56:55.000 Now when I'm dreaming it, I'm gonna look around and everybody's gonna be around me floating around going, hey, thanks for the tip.

00:57:01.000 We didn't realize you just had to trust it. 0.99

00:57:03.000 I'm going, darn it! 0.98

00:57:04.000 Now it's all crowded up here, man! 0.98

00:57:06.000 Well, one of these days, I'm going to figure out how to do lucid dreaming.

00:57:10.000 I'm going to sit down with someone who actually is a real, legit lucid dreamer and have a conversation with them about it because there are techniques that you can practice and there are states of mind that you can get yourself into, allegedly.

00:57:21.000 I've never experienced it other than accidentally.

00:57:23.000 But when you have dreams, you can control those dreams.

00:57:27.000 And that you could navigate and create things that happen in your dreams be aware of the fact that you're doing it like that It's a skill and that you could develop it.

00:57:38.000 Yeah, I've never I've had dreams that are lucid dreams, but totally accidentally and One of the ways that I learned was one of those movies was wacky movies Like what the bleep do we know one of those through the rabbit hole or something like that?

00:57:50.000 But the guy was talking about lucid dreams and he was saying That you have them all the time, you just don't realize you're having them.

00:57:56.000 One way to determine it is in your real life, in your conscious state, when you walk through a doorway, Knock on the side of the door and say, am I dreaming?

00:58:06.000 Like every time you walk through a doorway, go, am I dreaming?

00:58:09.000 And because you do it consciously all the time, if you do it all the time, am I dreaming?

00:58:13.000 Am I dreaming?

00:58:14.000 You're going to do it in your sleep.

00:58:16.000 And in your sleep, you're going to get to a doorway and you're going to go, am I dreaming?

00:58:20.000 Oh my God, I'm dreaming.

00:58:21.000 It's going to go right through it.

00:58:22.000 But you're going to stay awake.

00:58:23.000 I did it once.

00:58:25.000 Once.

00:58:25.000 I only did that once.

00:58:26.000 I never really, most of the time I'm tired. 0.99

00:58:28.000 I'm like, fuck, I'm going to sleep. 0.99

00:58:29.000 You know, I just, I don't deal. 1.00

00:58:31.000 But if you're one of those people that practices it on a daily basis, apparently you can get really good at it.

00:58:38.000 And you can make all sorts of crazy things happen. 0.99

00:58:40.000 You live in like these wild sex orgy dreams where you can do whatever you want. 1.00

00:58:45.000 You fly around, you live in space, you hang out with robots, you do whatever the fuck you want. 1.00

00:58:50.000 I want to get in an orgy with robots. 1.00

00:58:52.000 Well, there's enough people talking about lucid dreaming that it's not bullshit. 0.99

00:58:56.000 Freddie does it. 0.97

00:58:56.000 Freddie Lockhart. 0.97

00:58:57.000 Does he?

00:58:57.000 Yeah, he reads all the books and he practices it all the time.

00:59:01.000 I remember talking to somebody years ago who said she could astral project.

00:59:06.000 I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right.

00:59:08.000 A-S-T-R-A-L? Squirt from the butt? 0.98

00:59:10.000 Astral project. 0.99

00:59:12.000 Yes.

00:59:13.000 She'd say, excuse me, I have to go astral project.

00:59:15.000 I'll be back in a couple minutes.

00:59:17.000 No, this was...

00:59:19.000 That's the right word.

00:59:20.000 Maybe I've got it wrong.

00:59:22.000 She said she would go somewhere in her head, but like leave her physical body and she'd be above her body and go somewhere else and be aware of it, and then she could come back into her body. 0.81

00:59:35.000 Was this while she was awake or sleeping?

00:59:37.000 No, I think it was while she was awake.

00:59:39.000 Schizophrenic?

00:59:40.000 Maybe that was it.

00:59:42.000 It's probably similar as to a lucid dream.

00:59:45.000 Either you're creating this artificial reality or maybe Look, you're seeing things, right?

00:59:51.000 Just because you can't, again, put those things on a scale and weigh them and measure them doesn't mean you're not having that actual experience. 0.95

00:59:57.000 So when you're closing your eyes, you're meditating, and you project yourself above your body, who knows what the fuck is really going on? 0.91

01:00:05.000 Obviously, we think that you're just imagining shit and the shit that you're imagining is not real, but it might very well be that we're just so enamored by this state of things being solid that we don't think that unless you could touch something and feel it and put it on a scale and measure with a tape ruler, 0.99

01:00:24.000 it's not real. 0.99

01:00:25.000 I'm interested in the concept, too, that Most things are a facade, like we are enjoying or experiencing something that isn't there.

01:00:36.000 When we watch a football game on a big screen TV, those football players aren't there.

01:00:41.000 They're at another location.

01:00:42.000 But we are experiencing it as if we were there.

01:00:46.000 You talked about the car and the fake...

01:00:49.000 The fake gauges.

01:00:51.000 You're looking at a facade.

01:00:52.000 And you get right down to human beings.

01:00:55.000 I mean, we have the skin and muscles and eyes, but right past that is this bizarre skull and muscle thing.

01:01:05.000 You know what I mean?

01:01:06.000 We're looking at a facade that we're comfortable with, but what is an inch beyond that?

01:01:11.000 It's a scary, scary thing, but I think we need facades That we can be comfortable with to be able to experience life in a way that isn't scary.

01:01:21.000 Yeah, like I think about you, Brian Regan.

01:01:23.000 I know you, I know your personality, but deep in your head, there's this bunch of weird synapses that are firing.

01:01:30.000 Your life experiences is all like manifesting itself in your actions and your behavior.

01:01:36.000 It's a very weird thing to be a person.

01:01:39.000 Very, very weird thing.

01:01:41.000 Yeah, but that's a really good way of looking at it.

01:01:43.000 It's like you're projecting it. 0.99

01:01:44.000 That's why it weirds us out whenever someone does weird shit with their face. 0.99

01:01:48.000 You know, like whenever someone gets their lips done or gets their cheeks puffed up with that weird shit that they do. 0.99

01:01:54.000 Right. 0.97

01:01:55.000 Man, that freaks me out.

01:01:56.000 That freaks me out more than almost anything.

01:01:58.000 When people get stuff put in their face and they're like, sure, sure.

01:02:02.000 It's like, you're confusing me.

01:02:05.000 I'm used to this certain...

01:02:07.000 I don't mind aging.

01:02:10.000 I don't mind if it changes over time.

01:02:12.000 That all seems normal. 0.83

01:02:13.000 But when you start putting stuff in there and pumping things up and Botoxing shit and stuff, that weirds people out. 0.99

01:02:21.000 Because it's like, man, the signal's all fucking screwed. 0.99

01:02:23.000 Right, right, right. 0.96

01:02:25.000 If you can't have the normal facial reactions to express the proper emotions, the signals are getting all crossed.

01:02:34.000 That is a weird one when they have the rubber in their face and their face doesn't move right.

01:02:38.000 I remember we were at the Brea Improv and Joan Rivers, rest her soul, Was on television.

01:02:46.000 She had a reality show with her and her daughter.

01:02:48.000 And it was me and Joey and Ari and we were barbecued.

01:02:52.000 We were way too high to be watching the Joan Rivers thing.

01:02:56.000 And I was freaking out about her face.

01:03:00.000 I was like looking at this weird frozen kabuki mask thing that is her field of expression. 0.91

01:03:08.000 You know, it was just very bizarre.

01:03:11.000 Like everything was like pushed up and filled and frozen.

01:03:14.000 It just wasn't moving right.

01:03:16.000 And it was like, oh my God, like it's way better to be old than to be that.

01:03:22.000 Well, I contest that in the sense that people want to do things to make themselves feel better, and sometimes they feel if they look better, they're going to feel better.

01:03:33.000 Nobody questions somebody when they comb their hair or brush their hair or wear contacts instead of glasses or shave their beard.

01:03:41.000 You know, those are things that, you know, could be considered selfish and vain.

01:03:45.000 Shaving your beard?

01:03:47.000 Well, I mean, you know, like trimming it, I mean.

01:03:51.000 You know, and some people will go to extra extremes and want to put stuff in their face, and it makes them feel better.

01:03:59.000 I agree with you.

01:04:00.000 It could look kind of strange, but if it makes them feel better...

01:04:03.000 Hey, you know, free will.

01:04:06.000 Well, it is nice to feel better.

01:04:08.000 That's true.

01:04:08.000 But when you see someone and their face is no longer a human face, it's like a weird mask, a frozen mask that doesn't communicate right.

01:04:18.000 It gives you a creepy feeling.

01:04:20.000 The signals are all wrong.

01:04:23.000 If you talk to someone and you talk to, like, Really old person and there's lines all over their face and you're talking to them you realize wow this guy has lived 90 years 90 years on this planet like you could see it in his face But if you talk to that same guy and he's just frozen mask with silicone his lips Everything like it's fucking strange because you're not you're not getting in there.

01:04:45.000 You're not seeing it It's like it's like you're talking to him through a really thickly tinted window Like I could see there's a person in there and they're talking to me, but I don't I'm not exactly sure what kind of expressions they're making.

01:04:59.000 You know?

01:04:59.000 You know that weird...

01:05:00.000 There's a weird thing that people do when they shut off the expressions of their face.

01:05:05.000 It doesn't... 0.92

01:05:06.000 You can't fucking move it around anymore. 0.95

01:05:09.000 You ever see someone? 0.97

01:05:11.000 They have like...

01:05:12.000 They're super...

01:05:12.000 Like Travolta?

01:05:13.000 Well, he's not... 1.00

01:05:14.000 Is he fucked up? 0.99

01:05:15.000 Yeah, his face looks pretty worked on. 1.00

01:05:18.000 Well, maybe.

01:05:19.000 He's old.

01:05:20.000 I mean, it's not that.

01:05:21.000 I don't know.

01:05:22.000 He doesn't Joan Rivers it.

01:05:24.000 Did you hear the thing recently, this was like a day before the Oscars, that he was at a gym at 3 in the morning in Hollywood, and this guy was working out, and then Travolta just comes up and introduces, like, hey, how's it going?

01:05:38.000 I'm John.

01:05:38.000 How's it going?

01:05:39.000 It wasn't a week before.

01:05:41.000 It was a long time ago.

01:05:42.000 Oh, it was?

01:05:42.000 Yeah, it was a story that went around.

01:05:43.000 It was like a non-story.

01:05:44.000 It's like, what did he do?

01:05:45.000 He said hi to a guy in the morning.

01:05:47.000 So who knows what he really did?

01:05:49.000 That guy, we're taking that guy's word for it. 1.00

01:05:51.000 He's probably trying to get his dick sucked. 1.00

01:05:52.000 You're right. 1.00

01:05:53.000 Probably.

01:05:54.000 It's probably what he does.

01:05:55.000 You know, 3 o'clock in the morning, you never know.

01:05:57.000 Maybe it's like rest stops. 0.98

01:05:58.000 Like, that's where gay dudes meet to try to hook it. 0.99

01:06:00.000 Equinox? 0.99

01:06:01.000 Yeah.

01:06:02.000 You never know.

01:06:03.000 So is that what the gist of the story was?

01:06:05.000 The story was trying to hit on a guy?

01:06:07.000 The guy said that it was really awkward because at three in the morning this guy just comes up to him and holds out his hand and starts introducing himself.

01:06:12.000 And the guy was like, you know, I felt what he was doing.

01:06:16.000 Well, I read the story.

01:06:17.000 I mean, the guy was just saying that it was odd to talk to John.

01:06:20.000 But it's a non-story.

01:06:21.000 A guy said hi.

01:06:23.000 I mean, it could be you. 0.98

01:06:24.000 Yeah, Brian Redbrand came into the fucking Equinox at three o'clock in the morning and was weirded out to me. 0.98

01:06:29.000 Real strange. 0.98

01:06:30.000 You know, okay, let's print a story.

01:06:32.000 Imagine if it was a story, it became a story every time you said hi to someone at the gym.

01:06:37.000 You know what?

01:06:38.000 It is every Celebrity encounter is a story, not necessarily something that gets into the media, but I remember living in New York and taking a train out to Chuckles in Mineola,

01:06:54.000 I think.

01:06:55.000 And they put you in a place where they put you in a cab.

01:06:58.000 It's like five people have to share a cab from the train station to the town.

01:07:03.000 Well, three people, I guess.

01:07:05.000 So we're in the cab, and the guy goes, so where are you headed?

01:07:08.000 And I said, I'm going to Chuckles.

01:07:10.000 And they go, oh, you're a comedian?

01:07:11.000 Yeah, you know, you get into that awkward conversation.

01:07:13.000 And so this cab driver says, I had Roseanne Barr in the car. 0.98

01:07:20.000 And I remember driving by, and she was looking out the window, and she was intrigued by a mailbox that she saw in front of one of the houses.

01:07:31.000 And, you know, so there's like a nothing story.

01:07:33.000 But I'm thinking, Roseanne Bard doesn't remember this story.

01:07:38.000 But this guy, that's his Roseanne, well, Roseanne Arnold now, but, I mean, that's his story.

01:07:44.000 So, like, if anybody gets into an elevator with a celebrity, they will tell that story.

01:07:52.000 For the rest of their life.

01:07:53.000 The celebrity is not going to remember that particular elevator ride, but if you happen to be in an elevator one time in your life with Paul Newman, anytime Paul Newman's mentioned, that's your story.

01:08:07.000 And it's weird that...

01:08:09.000 Every encounter is a story to somebody.

01:08:12.000 I had a story that I talked about on the podcast because a guy in an elevator, me and my friend Eddie were in an elevator, and some guy was in the elevator, and apparently when the guy left the elevator, he said, take it easy or something like that, and we didn't respond.

01:08:28.000 Or if I did respond, he didn't hear me, I don't know what happened. 0.88

01:08:31.000 But he wrote this long, crazy post on this message board about what a douchebag I am. 1.00

01:08:37.000 Damn. 0.99

01:08:37.000 I mean, I literally, I mean, it was like, hey, what's up? 0.99

01:08:40.000 Get in the elevator.

01:08:41.000 The guy left, and, you know, and I thought that was it.

01:08:45.000 There was a guy in an elevator, and that was it.

01:08:46.000 But in his mind, he was slighted, like, in some strange way.

01:08:50.000 Which is, if someone says hi to me, I always say hi.

01:08:52.000 I'm not the type of person that says, take it easy.

01:08:55.000 I'll say, yeah, take it easy.

01:08:57.000 You know, always.

01:08:57.000 Always trying to be cordial.

01:08:59.000 I'm just not that guy.

01:09:00.000 So reading that, this artificial creation in this guy's mind, and then he apologized for it, and then it got really weird.

01:09:09.000 He got called out on it.

01:09:11.000 So you responded in a way, and then he apologized.

01:09:16.000 It was a message board that I go to.

01:09:17.000 So it was really strange.

01:09:18.000 I was like, what are you talking about?

01:09:20.000 And so then he backed off of it and apologized and said he was just insecure. 0.88

01:09:23.000 It was very, very, very fucking strange.

01:09:27.000 But to see someone just create this artificial version of an encounter, and in his mind, who knows? 0.81

01:09:34.000 I don't know what issues this guy had.

01:09:35.000 Obviously he has some, otherwise he wouldn't have ever made a post like that.

01:09:40.000 Even if you had slighted him, why is that, you know, what's the big deal to him and the rest of his existence?

01:09:47.000 And if it was a slight, I mean, it wasn't.

01:09:50.000 But in his version of a slight, it was as minor as it gets.

01:09:54.000 Like, take it easy.

01:09:55.000 That's what I mean.

01:09:55.000 No one says anything back.

01:09:56.000 That's it. 0.99

01:09:57.000 And this fucking diatribe, I mean several paragraphs. 1.00

01:10:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:10:00.000 Of bile, like spewed by this guy, but in some people's minds, like these encounters, like you talking to Roseanne Barr about a fucking mailbox, like it's like, eh, Roseanne Barr shits on people's mailboxes. 1.00

01:10:15.000 What kind of mailbox you got in Bel Air, you fucking cunt. 1.00

01:10:19.000 Like, for whatever, that's a strange mailbox. 1.00

01:10:22.000 Maybe she's just trying to make small talk, you fuckhead. 0.99

01:10:24.000 No, he wasn't saying it negatively. 1.00

01:10:25.000 He was just saying that that was what his encounter was, so that was his story.

01:10:29.000 But it could be negative.

01:10:30.000 I mean, there's a lot of those.

01:10:31.000 I've had conversations with people. 0.99

01:10:33.000 I always get in, when I get in limos, I always ask, who's the biggest shithead you ever had to drive around? 0.98

01:10:38.000 It's always the same three people, too. 0.99

01:10:39.000 There's a few.

01:10:40.000 There's a few people where we've done that a bunch of times, and we hear that, hmm...

01:10:45.000 I can't believe it's him again.

01:10:46.000 Smoking fire.

01:10:48.000 There's definitely that.

01:10:49.000 Everybody should get one pass.

01:10:51.000 Everybody's going to have a bad thing or something that's confused, but if it's a recurring thing, then there's probably some truth to it.

01:10:57.000 Absolutely.

01:10:58.000 I was in an elevator one time with a guy, and he recognized me as a comedian, and he wanted to do one of my bits to me.

01:11:07.000 But he got it wrong, and the bit was this old bit I used to do about saying, you too, at the wrong time.

01:11:13.000 Getting out of a cab at the airport, and the driver goes, have a nice flight, and you go, you too.

01:11:17.000 So that's the bit.

01:11:18.000 So I'm in the elevator with him, this guy, and he goes, oh, you're the comedian, right?

01:11:22.000 And I said, yeah.

01:11:23.000 Yeah, how you doing?

01:11:24.000 And he goes, you're the guy that says, and you all the time.

01:11:29.000 So I'm not going to call him out.

01:11:31.000 I'm honored he even knows who I am.

01:11:32.000 So I'm not going to embarrass him.

01:11:34.000 I said, yeah, that's me.

01:11:35.000 That's me.

01:11:35.000 And he goes, yeah.

01:11:36.000 He goes, I do that all the time.

01:11:38.000 I'm always saying and you at the wrong time.

01:11:40.000 And now I'm like, no, I should have corrected the right.

01:11:43.000 You know what I mean?

01:11:44.000 And he goes, yeah, there's probably not a day goes by that I don't yell and you.

01:11:49.000 And I'm thinking, this is getting off the tracks.

01:11:52.000 So the elevator door opens.

01:11:54.000 It's in a casino with a bunch of people, and we walk off the elevator.

01:11:57.000 I'm going one way, and he goes the other way.

01:11:59.000 So he starts yelling to me, thinking it's going to be funny, what he thinks is my bit.

01:12:05.000 In a casino, now with hundreds of people, and he's going, and you!

01:12:09.000 And you! 0.98

01:12:11.000 And I'm thinking, I'm the only guy here who knows what this guy's talking about, and I don't know what he's talking about.

01:12:22.000 It was very, very strange. 0.94

01:12:24.000 You could run into people, man, and just you zig when you should have zagged, and you run into someone who's completely out of their fucking mind, and then they become a part of your life. 0.96

01:12:32.000 I mean, that can happen. 0.92

01:12:34.000 You could definitely run into the wrong people, especially if it's a girl, especially if you're single. 0.98

01:12:38.000 You just, for whatever reason, start talking to someone, and it turns out they're fucking crazy, and then you, you know, that's the problem with men. 0.99

01:12:46.000 Men are willing to look past a lot of shit if a chick's hot. 1.00

01:12:50.000 Like, I know a lot of guys that have gotten involved with girls that are just completely out of their fucking mind, but they're pretty. 1.00

01:12:56.000 And they're just like, oh, you know, she's a little weird, but no, no, no. 0.99

01:13:00.000 If she was a guy, you would be running from her. 1.00

01:13:02.000 And you! 0.98

01:13:03.000 And you! 1.00

01:13:05.000 Imagine if that was a gal, and she'd be, she had giant tits. 1.00

01:13:08.000 Yeah, I'd be running back towards her. 1.00

01:13:10.000 Exactly.

01:13:11.000 Yeah, that's me.

01:13:12.000 I'm that guy.

01:13:12.000 You're like, hey, what are we, partying?

01:13:14.000 What are we doing here?

01:13:15.000 And you and me, man.

01:13:16.000 Let's do it up.

01:13:17.000 You take her to a restaurant, she's yelling out, and you! 1.00

01:13:21.000 And you! 0.99

01:13:22.000 And then she sees your act, and then she sees an old recording, and she sees that bit, and she's like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:13:29.000 You didn't even tell me. 1.00

01:13:30.000 You had me making an asshole out of myself. 1.00

01:13:33.000 You fucking selfish piece of shit. 1.00

01:13:35.000 Fuck you, Brian. 1.00

01:13:37.000 Like during the wedding vows, and she says, and you, and you go, all right, I gotta tell you, that ain't the joke. 1.00

01:13:47.000 The people that you meet in this wacky life.

01:13:50.000 I gotta think the people you meet living in Vegas is...

01:13:53.000 Well, you're in Henderson, right?

01:13:55.000 Well, I don't want to tell you where you...

01:13:56.000 Oh, too late.

01:13:57.000 I'm not there anyway.

01:13:58.000 Good, beautiful.

01:13:59.000 You're in one of those suburban towns outside of the Vegas.

01:14:03.000 And you're actually further than that.

01:14:05.000 You're like deep in the woods in a secret underground compound that we can't discuss.

01:14:08.000 But the point being that...

01:14:10.000 You're actually in a real normal town that just happens to be next to the Death Star.

01:14:16.000 You're in the vicinity of the Death Star.

01:14:19.000 You could probably drive and you can get to the Strip in a reasonable amount of time.

01:14:24.000 But the people that you live with, are they affected at all by the fact that they live in Vegas or do they seem like regular folks in a regular town?

01:14:32.000 Well, I used to live in a house in a cul-de-sac, and so there was more interaction with the neighbors, and now I live in one of those, you know, condo kind of deals.

01:14:39.000 So now I have less interaction with the other people in the condo.

01:14:42.000 But in the cul-de-sac, you know, one thing I liked about it and didn't like about the neighbor thing One, I'm not the kind of guy that just wants to have a conversation when somebody else feels like having a conversation.

01:14:58.000 I always felt weird about pulling up into the driveway and then Joe Blow wants to just walk up and just start talking about the water pump or something that has to do with the cul-de-sac.

01:15:08.000 Or even small talk.

01:15:09.000 It's like, well, I don't want to do that right now.

01:15:11.000 But one thing I did like about it is because it...

01:15:15.000 It was so non-show busy.

01:15:17.000 You know, I've got a lot of friends in show business, and I love them.

01:15:21.000 And, of course, they're going to be interested in their careers, and that's what people are going to tend to talk about.

01:15:26.000 When I lived in L.A., there was just a disproportionate amount of conversations about auditions that people went to and what they're up for and how they feel about an agent or this or that.

01:15:38.000 And that's okay, but it's nice to be away from that.

01:15:40.000 And one thing I loved about this just very suburban kind of cul-de-sac in Las Vegas was, you know, I'd come back from the road, right?

01:15:49.000 So I'm doing comedy and I'm doing show business, and I come back from the road, And there's neighbor kids riding their bikes in the cul-de-sac.

01:15:58.000 And the dad's saying, yeah, I put her bike together yesterday.

01:16:01.000 And it's just very real.

01:16:03.000 And I liked having the showbiz life balanced with a real grounded kind of world where not everything is about, you know, furthering careers and stuff.

01:16:16.000 Yeah, that's a big thing that a lot of people experience about any sort of environment like Hollywood, where it's just so based on one industry.

01:16:25.000 You just get so wrapped up in that world that it's exhausting.

01:16:30.000 When I was living in Las Vegas, I've been in Las Vegas over 10 years now, and I was out here doing something, and I met a guy on the street.

01:16:37.000 I didn't know who he was, but he was a comedian and said, hey man, he knew who I was.

01:16:43.000 So I said, hey, how's it going?

01:16:45.000 And he said, well, I've got an audition for this.

01:16:48.000 And he started telling me things he was up to showbiz-wise.

01:16:53.000 I'm thinking, that's not what I meant by, how are you doing?

01:16:56.000 Right.

01:16:56.000 I meant, like, you know, how are things?

01:16:58.000 How do you feel?

01:16:59.000 There's a guy that I won't name, but I can't talk to him anymore, because every time I talk to him, that happens.

01:17:03.000 I ran into him.

01:17:04.000 We were both working the same venue.

01:17:06.000 He was doing the early show.

01:17:07.000 I was doing the late show.

01:17:09.000 And I ran into him, and I said, hey, man, what's up?

01:17:12.000 Well, I've got a blah, blah, blah, blah, deal with a blah, blah.

01:17:14.000 I mean, it just starts reading off.

01:17:16.000 Resume.

01:17:17.000 He starts reading off this deal that he's got, this backup deal that he's got.

01:17:21.000 I mean, he went on for several minutes. 0.99

01:17:23.000 It was fucking exhausting. 0.99

01:17:25.000 And I went, good to see you're doing well. 0.99

01:17:28.000 Yeah.

01:17:29.000 I took a deep breath.

01:17:31.000 I don't know what to say. 0.99

01:17:32.000 I was stuck in this fucking hallway talking to this guy. 0.99

01:17:35.000 There was no way to get out. 0.99

01:17:36.000 There was no one there but me and him. 1.00

01:17:38.000 And he just rattles off this fucking crazy resume of bullshit. 1.00

01:17:43.000 Just nonsense that, by the way, never happened. 1.00

01:17:45.000 None of it happened.

01:17:46.000 I mean, here we are years later.

01:17:48.000 None of those things took place.

01:17:49.000 But he was telling me that he had a backup deal.

01:17:51.000 And this sitcom, if this didn't go, he has a backup deal.

01:17:54.000 They're going to pay him this amount of money.

01:17:56.000 Blah, blah, [...

01:17:58.000 It was just nonsense.

01:18:00.000 But that happens.

01:18:02.000 I've never had a backup deal, man.

01:18:03.000 I want to get where I'm in that place where I have a deal and a backup deal.

01:18:09.000 I don't even have a deal.

01:18:10.000 I don't even think he had a backup deal. 1.00

01:18:12.000 I don't even think he's a bullshit artist. 0.98

01:18:15.000 I think, you know, that's just what he wanted. 0.96

01:18:18.000 So he's just telling me that he's doing great.

01:18:20.000 There's some people that run into you You know, you run into certain guys and you want to prove to them that you're doing well.

01:18:27.000 You know, like, they maybe have some weird thing about them.

01:18:31.000 Like, they go, oh, this guy's doing better than me.

01:18:33.000 I'm going to tell him I'm doing awesome.

01:18:35.000 I'm going to let him know right away that we're on even ground.

01:18:39.000 So that's where this, you know, if he was running into some open miker, you know, and say, hey man, how you doing? 0.97

01:18:44.000 He'd be like, yeah, good, how you doing?

01:18:45.000 Like, that would be normal.

01:18:46.000 Because he would already feel like he has the advantage.

01:18:48.000 Right.

01:18:49.000 And I know, I'm guilty of having...

01:18:52.000 I don't know.

01:18:53.000 There are times when I think, you know, I have the proper amount of just low-key thing, but I know there's a little piece of me, that little ego part of me that needs to participate.

01:19:03.000 You know, it like comes out of me sometimes.

01:19:07.000 Like if somebody has the wrong idea of Maybe what I've been able to do as a comedian.

01:19:14.000 Right.

01:19:14.000 You know, like you meet somebody at a party or something.

01:19:16.000 And I'll never say what I do unless I'm point blank asked.

01:19:19.000 And I'll go, what do you do?

01:19:21.000 And so then now I'm going to be honest as I'm a comedian.

01:19:24.000 And they go, oh, you do like open mic nights and stuff like that?

01:19:29.000 Is that what you do?

01:19:29.000 And then that little ego part of me is like, now how do I reply to this?

01:19:36.000 Yeah.

01:19:36.000 You know, this person has the wrong idea of...

01:19:40.000 What I do, you know, or where I'm at.

01:19:43.000 But you can't be braggy either.

01:19:44.000 But you don't want to be braggy, you know.

01:19:46.000 So at what level do you answer a question like that, you know?

01:19:50.000 Do I just say, no, I don't do open mic nights and let it go at that?

01:19:55.000 Or do I, you know, throw something out there that I've accomplished?

01:19:59.000 Well, I used to.

01:20:00.000 You could say, maybe I used to do open mic nights.

01:20:03.000 There you go. 0.97

01:20:03.000 Yeah, I had this guy running, I ran into this guy at a fucking gun store for, you know, at all places. 0.97

01:20:10.000 And the first words that I said to this guy, never met him before, the first words, he goes, hey, you're Joe Rogan, right? 0.96

01:20:19.000 I go, yeah.

01:20:19.000 He goes, how's your career doing?

01:20:23.000 That's his first words.

01:20:25.000 I go, I go, it's good.

01:20:27.000 He goes, you're not doing that Fear Factor show, huh?

01:20:30.000 Like, puts him in the defensive.

01:20:31.000 I go, nope.

01:20:32.000 And he goes, tough business.

01:20:34.000 Good luck.

01:20:36.000 I'm like, whoa.

01:20:37.000 But it was so douchey, the way he was doing it.

01:20:41.000 It was so douchey.

01:20:42.000 Those were the only words I said.

01:20:43.000 I'm like, alright.

01:20:45.000 And like, literally, it ended right there.

01:20:47.000 I was under the influence of the sacred plant at the time, which allowed me to relax more.

01:20:52.000 But it was like, I wasn't going to get in an argument with the guy about it or correct him, but I was taken aback by, how's your career?

01:20:59.000 The first words out of his mouth.

01:21:01.000 You could have said, well, you just said my name, so obviously you know who I am.

01:21:07.000 Yeah, but he's trying to paint me as a has-been.

01:21:11.000 There's people that will do that to you, that try to paint you as a has-been.

01:21:14.000 Hey, a guy did it to me at CVS once.

01:21:17.000 A guy that's working behind the counter at CVS. There's this guy, I don't know what country he's from, but he doesn't work there anymore.

01:21:24.000 But he was super aggro. 1.00

01:21:26.000 He's like, this fucking face. 1.00

01:21:29.000 And he goes, hey, you don't have that show anymore. 1.00

01:21:31.000 That's the words he said.

01:21:33.000 And I go, what?

01:21:34.000 You don't have that show anymore, huh?

01:21:37.000 And I go, no, I don't have that show anymore.

01:21:39.000 I also don't work at CVS. Fucking idiot. 1.00

01:21:43.000 Like, what are you talking about? 1.00

01:21:44.000 I can leave anytime I want, motherfucker. 1.00

01:21:46.000 You gotta stay until your shift's over. 1.00

01:21:47.000 I had, uh... 1.00

01:21:49.000 What a dick! 1.00

01:21:50.000 Like, how much could you possibly make at CBS that you want to get shitty with someone who comes in that used to be on a TV show? 1.00

01:21:56.000 Like, he just...

01:21:57.000 The way he was saying it was just trying to put me on the defensive.

01:22:00.000 Like, make me feel bad.

01:22:01.000 But he didn't think it out. 0.98

01:22:03.000 Much like he probably didn't think his life out, which is why he was the fucking late-night guy at CBS. There's a lot of, uh... 0.96

01:22:12.000 I'm fortunate in that the people that come out to see my show, they're pretty cool people, man.

01:22:19.000 You know, I like meeting them after the show and they're nice people, you know, so I have no complaints there.

01:22:24.000 But every once in a while you're going to get a curveball.

01:22:27.000 And I was working at the Improv down in Irvine.

01:22:32.000 And I remember I had a pretty strong set, felt pretty good.

01:22:35.000 I walked off stage.

01:22:38.000 And this guy, like, walks, like, just beelined back to me, who was in the middle of the audience, and I felt, okay, I just made people laugh for an hour, you know?

01:22:46.000 I felt like I did my job.

01:22:48.000 And he goes, hey, didn't I see you bomb on Arsenio, like, ten years ago?

01:22:55.000 I was like, um, yeah, yeah, I had a rough one.

01:23:01.000 Did you see Tonight Show?

01:23:03.000 You were in the middle of tonight.

01:23:05.000 I just did an hour tonight.

01:23:08.000 We're not talking about that.

01:23:09.000 We're talking about ten years ago.

01:23:12.000 Yeah, people want to make you feel bad.

01:23:13.000 A rough set.

01:23:14.000 Plus, people see you, you know, like, oh, this guy thinks he's something special.

01:23:18.000 I'm going to let him know.

01:23:19.000 I saw him. 0.99

01:23:19.000 I'm going to knock him down a peg. 0.99

01:23:21.000 I saw him when he wasn't at his best. 0.60

01:23:23.000 Yeah.

01:23:24.000 Some in that weird environment of the those shows doing stand-up on one of those fucking shows is so brutal It's so hard to first of all I don't know like if you feel comfortable doing like a real short set But I always feel real weird when I do five minutes like five minutes to me It's like I don't that's I have long bits like five minutes to me is just exploring a premise.

01:23:45.000 It's a whole different animal, you know I I like the challenge of it, but it's so different from doing an hour set, especially an hour set in front of people who you know they're there to see what you do. 0.56

01:24:00.000 But if I do Letterman or something like that, I'm walking out to a group of people who have no clue who I am.

01:24:07.000 Maybe a handful of people in the audience do, but for the most part it's like, you know, here's a comedian and you're walking out and on Letterman you get four and a half minutes and It's a very, very challenging thing to...

01:24:23.000 I describe it to people as...

01:24:26.000 People think of comedy as knocking down the pins.

01:24:28.000 Well, the hard part is setting up the pins.

01:24:30.000 There's no pins set up.

01:24:32.000 You're walking out to nothing.

01:24:34.000 You're walking out to nothing.

01:24:36.000 And you have to set up pins quickly and then knock them down.

01:24:40.000 Yeah.

01:24:41.000 And people don't realize that that's part of the art form and part of the challenge is coming out to nothing.

01:24:49.000 It's white, virgin snow, and you have to quickly talk about something and set up something and then start getting people into that.

01:25:00.000 And it's a lot more challenging than people might think.

01:25:04.000 It's one of the harder jobs as far as stand-up goes, is doing a talk show set.

01:25:10.000 It's one of the harder gigs.

01:25:11.000 It's like opening up, because when you go on stage cold and there's no one who warms up the crowd before you, you have to get everybody into the mindset.

01:25:21.000 There's like...

01:25:22.000 There's a thing going on.

01:25:23.000 The way I describe it is, it's almost like a mass hypnosis.

01:25:27.000 Like, when I'm watching a Brian Regan show, when you're killing, I'm thinking the way you're thinking.

01:25:32.000 I'm not thinking in my mind, like, man, he's doing...

01:25:34.000 Like, if I was in my own head, I was like, man, I don't like the way he dresses. 0.99

01:25:38.000 This guy fucking walks weird. 0.99

01:25:39.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:25:40.000 Like, if you have, like, you're going to get out of the mindset.

01:25:43.000 Right.

01:25:43.000 When a guy's killing, when you're up there and you're letting it loose, and everything's flowing, I'm thinking like you.

01:25:50.000 I'm allowing you to sort of control where my thoughts go, and you're surprising me with your statements, and those surprises are often really funny, and that's how you kind of get comedy going.

01:26:02.000 But when you're just starting out, like, ready, go, and you're doing four minutes, You don't get a chance to hypnotize anybody.

01:26:11.000 You just kind of got to hope that they're kind and they're receptive and then they think that your first few words are reasonable enough to allow you a certain amount of access to their funny thought.

01:26:25.000 I remember so many years ago, and I wish I could remember who it was.

01:26:28.000 This was before I had ever done a TV set.

01:26:30.000 Say that you have to get it into your head that the first joke is going to be a foul ball.

01:26:34.000 And don't let it throw you.

01:26:36.000 Because you're not going to get the reaction that you get in front of your fans.

01:26:39.000 Your first set on a TV, your first joke on a TV audience, they don't know you.

01:26:44.000 They're going, who is this guy?

01:26:45.000 You know, they're usually trying to be friendly.

01:26:46.000 They want to like you.

01:26:48.000 So your first joke is their absolute first...

01:26:52.000 Clue of how you think as a comedian.

01:26:54.000 So they're not going to be all in yet.

01:26:55.000 So it might get a laugh, but it might not get the laugh that you're used to it getting.

01:27:01.000 But you have to understand that and go, I know this first one is a foul ball.

01:27:05.000 It's just going to go off.

01:27:06.000 And if it does get a bigger laugh, okay, that's a bonus.

01:27:09.000 Now I can ride it.

01:27:10.000 But I think it's best to go out there assuming that it might get nothing or a little laugh.

01:27:17.000 Yeah.

01:27:18.000 Because if you go out there thinking this is going to kill and it doesn't, it could throw you for the whole set.

01:27:23.000 Yeah, I've seen that.

01:27:24.000 I've seen that in regular shows.

01:27:25.000 I've seen guys go out there that never have opened up before, you know, or haven't done in a long time, and they'll go out and try to rush it.

01:27:33.000 They'll try to rush the first joke, like, before, like, settle down, folks.

01:27:36.000 What's up?

01:27:37.000 How's everybody doing?

01:27:38.000 Thanks for coming out tonight.

01:27:39.000 They just immediately go into a bit.

01:27:41.000 Right.

01:27:41.000 And when you immediately go into a bit and it doesn't work, then you're, like, on defensive mode or tailspin mode, and you're trying to recover and...

01:27:50.000 It's a constant quest to try to figure out how to learn how to do comedy, both in front of fans or in front of TV audiences and stuff like that.

01:27:58.000 And that's one thing I love about it is that you're always learning.

01:28:01.000 You're always learning.

01:28:02.000 Sometimes you can prepare too much.

01:28:05.000 Sometimes you can prepare too little.

01:28:06.000 It's a never-ending process.

01:28:09.000 Right.

01:28:10.000 I think it would be a mistake to get to the point where I go, okay, I got this figured out.

01:28:13.000 I don't ever want to feel like that.

01:28:15.000 I want to feel like I'm learning every time I hit the stage.

01:28:19.000 And that's one of those things that's a blast about doing a TV set.

01:28:26.000 I've kind of learned over the years, after the foul ball, It's animals, man.

01:28:33.000 It's like you have to let that audience know you are comfortable.

01:28:37.000 You've got to let them know.

01:28:39.000 They smell your weakness.

01:28:40.000 Yes!

01:28:40.000 You've got to let them know, I got this.

01:28:43.000 And it's a cool feeling because that's the moment where you're either going to go south or you're going to get them.

01:28:50.000 You know what I mean?

01:28:51.000 And it's a fun...

01:28:53.000 I don't know.

01:28:53.000 It's fun.

01:28:54.000 It's like hunting, I guess.

01:28:55.000 You know what I mean?

01:28:56.000 No, I love it.

01:28:56.000 I love it, too.

01:28:57.000 For the same reason.

01:28:58.000 Because it's constantly challenging.

01:29:00.000 Yeah.

01:29:02.000 Yeah.

01:29:02.000 You never have it down.

01:29:04.000 You just don't.

01:29:05.000 You have it good enough.

01:29:07.000 I'm confident.

01:29:08.000 I did some shows this weekend in Portland. 0.98

01:29:10.000 Every show was fucking amazing. 0.98

01:29:11.000 Great crowd. 0.99

01:29:12.000 Had a great time.

01:29:13.000 But before every show, I'm going over my notes.

01:29:15.000 I'm thinking about what bits I want to do.

01:29:17.000 I'm tweaking this and tweaking that.

01:29:19.000 You can't disrespect it.

01:29:22.000 You can't ever get cocky.

01:29:24.000 You can't ever think that, you know, for whatever reason that the learning process is over.

01:29:30.000 It's never over.

01:29:31.000 Especially when you're constantly creating new material.

01:29:33.000 Then it's really never over.

01:29:35.000 Like, I did a special in November, abandoned all the material.

01:29:38.000 Once it was done, once it was on TV, I'm done. 0.91

01:29:41.000 Now I have a whole new fucking hour I have to hone and sharpen and add to. 0.97

01:29:46.000 And that's always terrifying. 0.99

01:29:48.000 It's always terrifying when you... 0.99

01:29:50.000 Trying out new shit and adding new shit to it and tweaking it and changing it. 0.99

01:29:55.000 But that's what's exciting about it. 0.99

01:29:56.000 That's what's so fun about it.

01:29:57.000 It's so fun that you've got all this new stuff that's in your head.

01:30:02.000 The saddest thing about comedy is watching those guys that have been doing comedy forever that do the same jokes they did 20 years ago.

01:30:07.000 That's one of the saddest things you could ever see.

01:30:09.000 Yeah.

01:30:10.000 I worked with a guy one time, and he had a bit, and it was a pretty good bit.

01:30:15.000 And I remember thinking, ah, it's a good idea, and he needs to, you know, work on that, you know, tighten it up and then get to that point a little bit quicker or whatever.

01:30:25.000 Yeah.

01:30:25.000 And then I worked with a guy like two years later, and he did the same joke word for word, like no tightening of the screws at all.

01:30:34.000 Yeah.

01:30:35.000 And I remember kind of being disappointed as a fellow comedian, saying, well...

01:30:39.000 I mean, I didn't say that to him, but thinking, why aren't you working on this, you know?

01:30:44.000 Well, he's delusional.

01:30:45.000 He's delusional. 0.98

01:30:46.000 He's either delusional or he's lazy. 0.90

01:30:48.000 Those are the two options, right?

01:30:49.000 It's like you're delusional or you think it's good enough and you don't have to change it, or you're lazy and that you don't want to work. 0.99

01:30:54.000 You don't want to fuck with it. 0.98

01:30:55.000 You don't want to tweak it. 0.99

01:30:56.000 You have to.

01:30:57.000 There's no way you get good.

01:30:59.000 Years ago, I started at the comic strip in Fort Lauderdale, and Rodney Dangerfield was performing at the Sunrise Musical Theater.

01:31:07.000 And he came into the comic strip to do a guest set, like warming up for his big thing, you know, down the road.

01:31:13.000 So, of course, a small comedy club in Fort Lauderdale.

01:31:16.000 We're honored to have him.

01:31:18.000 He goes on stage.

01:31:20.000 Crowd goes nuts.

01:31:20.000 You know, it's a small audience, you know, 200 people or whatever.

01:31:23.000 He's like, hey, you know, thanks for...

01:31:26.000 I want to work some stuff out.

01:31:27.000 You know, I appreciate it, you know.

01:31:28.000 He takes his glasses out.

01:31:30.000 And I'd been doing comedy like six months at this point.

01:31:33.000 You know, I worked there as a busboy, and they let me go on late at night.

01:31:36.000 Now, here I get to watch Rodney Dangerfield.

01:31:38.000 He goes on stage.

01:31:40.000 He tells the audience that he wants to work on some jokes.

01:31:42.000 He takes glasses, little reading glasses out.

01:31:45.000 He takes out about 20 little 3x5 cards, and he reads them, half performing them, half reading them, you know, going, I just want to get a feel for these things, you know.

01:31:54.000 And he does them, and some laugh, some work, some don't work.

01:31:59.000 And then he leaves.

01:32:00.000 And I'm like, wow, that was interesting.

01:32:02.000 You know, he's working on his act.

01:32:04.000 I'd never seen a star comedian work on his act.

01:32:08.000 He came in the next night and said, hey, you know, can I do a guest set?

01:32:13.000 Of course.

01:32:13.000 He goes on.

01:32:14.000 Now there's no glasses.

01:32:16.000 There's no three by five cards.

01:32:19.000 Of the 20 jokes, he's doing about eight of them.

01:32:21.000 And they're tighter versions of what he had done the night before.

01:32:25.000 And it...

01:32:26.000 I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

01:32:29.000 It's like when it dawned on me, this is an art form.

01:32:33.000 This is a craft.

01:32:34.000 And you can work at this.

01:32:36.000 You can...

01:32:37.000 Anybody can watch Rodney Dangerfield's end result and just laugh.

01:32:40.000 That was fun.

01:32:41.000 But I got to watch him...

01:32:43.000 I got to watch him...

01:32:46.000 Figure this out, take stuff, trim out fat, and figure out how to make a set.

01:32:52.000 And from that moment on, I realized, you don't just go on stage and then go home and just chill.

01:32:58.000 You work on it.

01:32:59.000 And so I love the process.

01:33:01.000 I love the offstage process.

01:33:03.000 I love working on jokes, man, making them 1% better.

01:33:07.000 That's always my philosophy.

01:33:08.000 If I can change one word and make that joke 1% better, why not?

01:33:13.000 Or cut words out, get to it quicker, and it has more impact.

01:33:17.000 Right.

01:33:17.000 And that doesn't mean, you know, that every joke needs...

01:33:19.000 You know, some jokes, yeah, it's better to stretch something out if it's a freer form kind of thing.

01:33:23.000 To me, it's like an accordion.

01:33:25.000 You know, some stuff you're pulling out, and other stuff you're squeezing, and all that stuff is happening simultaneously.

01:33:30.000 Or like maybe music, where sometimes you have this, like, really slow build-up, and sometimes it's, like, really fast and really loud.

01:33:38.000 It all varies, and it all depends on the subject matter.

01:33:41.000 It depends on, you know, the...

01:33:42.000 What you're trying to do and what that bit leads into.

01:33:46.000 Do you write on paper?

01:33:48.000 Do you write on a computer?

01:33:50.000 Do you sit down and say, I'm going to write jokes today?

01:33:53.000 Or do you just have an idea and just start writing about it?

01:33:56.000 I don't know how to sit down in front of a blank piece of paper or a blank computer screen and come up with stuff.

01:34:03.000 I don't know how to do that.

01:34:05.000 The original inspiration has to be external.

01:34:08.000 I just have to...

01:34:10.000 Experience something or see something or read something.

01:34:12.000 So I just go through my normal day or life the way I normally would and things jump up and down.

01:34:19.000 It's like a kid in gym class, you know, pick me to be on a basketball team.

01:34:22.000 Something in life jumps up and down and you go, oh, that's weird.

01:34:27.000 And then you have your initial weird comedic view of it.

01:34:32.000 So the inspiration comes from an external source.

01:34:34.000 And then, all right, now I have the nucleus.

01:34:38.000 Then I can write.

01:34:39.000 Then it's like, okay, now I know what the thought is, the idea.

01:34:43.000 Now what words am I going to apply to it to get from beginning to middle to end?

01:34:48.000 And then that part could take a year or longer, you know, going on every night and changing the words, changing it, tightening it, switching it, you know, things like that.

01:34:57.000 And you don't go necessarily to comedy clubs to work out.

01:35:00.000 You kind of work out your bits in between, like, bits that are already established.

01:35:05.000 Yeah.

01:35:05.000 Because most of the time you're doing these big theaters, and you're touring.

01:35:09.000 Do you tour, like, four or five days in a row, or do you just do weekends?

01:35:13.000 Like, how do you set it up?

01:35:14.000 I do two weekends a month, and those weekends are four one-nighters.

01:35:19.000 I do Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

01:35:21.000 Oh, you only do two a month.

01:35:22.000 Do you do every other, or do you do two in a row?

01:35:24.000 It depends.

01:35:26.000 I work half the weekends of the year.

01:35:29.000 And you do this so that you can hang out with your kids and spend time?

01:35:32.000 Yeah.

01:35:32.000 That's cool.

01:35:33.000 And when you do it, do you purposely say, like, okay, I've got a bunch of bits I'm going to do in the beginning that I know are rock solid.

01:35:43.000 I get everybody rocking, and then I'll slide this new stuff in there and see how it works.

01:35:49.000 I don't want to have that overly figured out either.

01:35:56.000 I don't want to lose that weirdness of hitting something right off the bat that I don't know if it's going to work or not.

01:36:05.000 It's a temptation to go to a surefire laugh.

01:36:07.000 And I usually do.

01:36:09.000 But every once in a while I'll say to myself...

01:36:12.000 I need to go out and do something relatively new that I've never opened with and see how it flies because I want to keep Exercising every muscle, you know, I mean there's a lot of guys out there who just Always open with the same thing and always close with the same thing and it's like I want to keep switching that up,

01:36:32.000 you know, you're also in is this place where you're doing these big crowds and You don't do other stuff like you're not doing a lot of television shows as far as like sitcoms or you're not doing a lot of movies You're doing a lot of these things so it's like You're constantly performing.

01:36:47.000 You're constantly, like, adding to this sort of database of jokes and material, you know?

01:36:56.000 Yeah.

01:36:57.000 I like what you're doing, man. 0.99

01:36:58.000 I think it's really cool, because you were, like, trying to do the sitcom thing for a while, like everybody else, and then you're just like, well, fuck this. 0.97

01:37:06.000 Let's do some stand-up. 0.97

01:37:07.000 I appreciate it.

01:37:07.000 You know, I mean...

01:37:09.000 Heck, you know, you can't argue with somebody getting a sitcom and then, you know, being able to be set for life or whatever.

01:37:17.000 But I have always liked stand-up, and I always thought you needed to get a sitcom to get to the point where you could play in theaters.

01:37:24.000 Right.

01:37:25.000 So that was why I wanted a sitcom, so that I could get my exposure up to then I could continue doing stand-up, but now in front of fans.

01:37:32.000 We thought that in the 90s.

01:37:33.000 Everybody thought that.

01:37:34.000 And...

01:37:36.000 I didn't realize, well, I kind of got there without having to do that.

01:37:41.000 You know, it's like, wow, I'm building the following just from the stand-up.

01:37:45.000 The stand-up thing just kept kind of getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

01:37:49.000 And so I was able to make that jump from comedy clubs to theaters.

01:37:53.000 So now, you know, I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want to do a TV thing, but I would want it to be around my creative vision.

01:38:02.000 I'm not interested in being a star.

01:38:03.000 I'm interested in my comedy being a star.

01:38:06.000 Right.

01:38:06.000 Well, that's one of the cool things about what you've been able to achieve, where you do these really big places, but you're in this reasonable celebrity mode, where it's very reasonable.

01:38:16.000 I've hung out with you.

01:38:17.000 You walk around the casinos, and occasionally people will recognize you and everything like that, but it's nothing weird. 0.99

01:38:22.000 You know, you don't have to hide, you're not getting overwhelmed, you don't get chased and hawked, but you're packing these giant fucking places.

01:38:29.000 Like you have these fans, there's like this hardcore group of dedicated fans that will come to see you because you've earned them by traveling over and over again back and forth to these same spots and packing these same places. 0.83

01:38:41.000 It's a very unique thing you've done.

01:38:44.000 It's a very bizarre situation because I don't know what the percentages are, but I truly feel like if you polled 100 Americans just at random, I swear I think 98 of them and showed them a picture of me or something like that,

01:39:00.000 98 of them would not know who I am.

01:39:02.000 Maybe 99. Right.

01:39:04.000 Yet, I do have enough people that will want to go to these venues.

01:39:10.000 I'm not exaggerating when I say how strange it is for me to be in a theater.

01:39:17.000 Say there's 2,000 people there.

01:39:19.000 And I do my show.

01:39:21.000 I could go a half a mile down the street to a Burger King afterwards and walk in, and nobody in there knows who I am.

01:39:29.000 And I'm like, how do these two disparate things...

01:39:32.000 How can I be big man on campus a half a mile that way, and in here nobody knows who I am?

01:39:41.000 Well, you've done it by establishing this really loyal fan base.

01:39:45.000 It's very unique what you've done.

01:39:46.000 So the people that know you, love you.

01:39:50.000 But, you know, maybe it's only 1%. 0.99

01:39:52.000 But if you look at that 1%, if there's 350 million people, that means 3.5 million people fucking love you. 0.98

01:39:58.000 I'm not bothered by it. 0.98

01:40:00.000 I like it.

01:40:01.000 In fact, I... I'm not saying that you are, but I'm saying it's very unique.

01:40:05.000 And I realize, too, that anonymity is a commodity.

01:40:10.000 You know, there are celebrities who probably might...

01:40:21.000 Yeah.

01:40:23.000 Yeah.

01:40:25.000 Yeah.

01:40:33.000 You kind of engineered it, too.

01:40:35.000 I mean, I remember when you first started, like, really going on the road hard, and you started moving from clubs to theaters.

01:40:42.000 It was all based on repeat customers.

01:40:45.000 It's all based on people going to see you, really loving your material, really laughing, having a great time, and then say, oh, Brian Regan's back in town.

01:40:53.000 And then boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and it slowly started building up.

01:40:56.000 And then, you know, I'd heard, I mean, I don't know how many years ago you started, like, packing these large theaters. 0.94

01:41:01.000 But I'm like, I kept hearing, like, dude, Brian Regan is just fucking killing it on the road.

01:41:05.000 The difference being that if you had a sitcom, like, maybe you would get people to come see you, but you would not have nearly as much time to perform and to work on your material, and your sets probably wouldn't be the same. 0.97

01:41:16.000 You wouldn't have the same level of competency on stage that you do now because, you know, you've been hammering that samurai sword for fucking, you know, decades now. 0.85

01:41:26.000 Bang, bang. 0.99

01:41:27.000 There's guys, and I don't want to name any names, but it's sad when you see a guy who took seven, eight years off to do a successful sitcom, and then they start doing stand-up again, and you realize they got soft.

01:41:38.000 Not just soft, but it's atrophy, just waste.

01:41:42.000 Not only did they not get...

01:41:45.000 Better?

01:41:45.000 They got worse.

01:41:47.000 Whatever that muscle is that allows you to do comedy and hypnotize those 4,000 people in the theaters that you're performing in, they don't have that muscle anymore.

01:41:55.000 It doesn't exist anymore.

01:41:56.000 It's all just sort of like slipped away from them, and there's like a ghost of what it used to be that they're trying to reestablish these embers they're trying to blow on and, you know, add good analogy.

01:42:07.000 Yeah, I mean, that's really what it is.

01:42:09.000 I mean, we were talked into believing that the only way to be successful as a comic was to do it the way Roseanne had done it or the way Seinfeld had done it, is take that stand-up and use it to parlay it into a sitcom.

01:42:24.000 And there's nothing wrong with that.

01:42:26.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

01:42:28.000 Gosh, I applaud anybody that can get a network to want to build a show around them.

01:42:33.000 And, you know, if you can have some creative fun with it, even better.

01:42:36.000 And, you know, make your money for the rest of your life and all that.

01:42:39.000 You know, I don't denounce any of that.

01:42:42.000 But, you know, I like comedy as an end result.

01:42:47.000 You know, some people use stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to get to something...

01:42:52.000 Beyond that, that they think is better.

01:42:53.000 And I'm like, well, I don't think there's anything better.

01:42:56.000 I like it, you know?

01:42:58.000 Yeah, we just talked into a long time ago, like I said, especially in the 90s, we were talked into thinking that this is not it.

01:43:05.000 This is just it that gets you to something else.

01:43:07.000 Because that's something else like a lot of times a lot of fucking money like more money than you're ever making doing stand-up at the time Like they put you on a sitcom like when I was on news radio like all of a sudden I was on the sitcom and that was a great experience for me, but this it's being on a great sitcom is Even though it's a lot of money, 0.70

01:43:26.000 this is not nearly as much fun as doing stand-up. 0.90

01:43:29.000 It just never will be.

01:43:31.000 It's also not nearly as much fun to watch.

01:43:34.000 If I had to choose between going to see you doing stand-up or watching you in a sitcom, there's no comparison.

01:43:40.000 And even though the stuff that you do, especially, your act is squeaky clean.

01:43:45.000 You're one of the rare guys.

01:43:47.000 It's universally respected as being one of the most hilarious guys out there as a stand-up by comics.

01:43:54.000 I appreciate that, man.

01:43:54.000 But you're squeaky clean.

01:43:56.000 Like, I could take my mom to see you and not feel weird.

01:43:58.000 I could take my daughter to see you and not feel weird.

01:44:01.000 Well, thank you.

01:44:02.000 I did a show somewhere, and this family came backstage, including their grandmother, like this 80-year-old woman, and she said, So how long have you been in vaudeville?!

01:44:15.000 Vaudeville!

01:44:16.000 What is vaudeville exactly?

01:44:18.000 I don't even know, but I guess I started around 1920. I don't know.

01:44:23.000 Vaudeville is one of those expressions that I never really bothered to figure out what it meant.

01:44:27.000 Old kind of showbiz thing, right?

01:44:29.000 Where there was a singer and a comedian and a magician or something.

01:44:32.000 I'm guessing.

01:44:32.000 I don't know.

01:44:33.000 More of a variety thing.

01:44:35.000 They used to have to do that. 0.63

01:44:36.000 Yeah.

01:44:37.000 Imagine if you had to do it. 0.99

01:44:38.000 Lenny Bruce style used to be the fucking MC of the night. 0.74

01:44:41.000 I don't know if I had to start, like if I was born in 1930 or 40 and wanted to be a comedian, I don't know if I would have made it. 0.95

01:44:48.000 I got fortunate in that when I wanted to be a comedian, there was a such thing as a comedy club.

01:44:52.000 Yeah.

01:44:52.000 Where people are there to watch comedy only.

01:44:54.000 Yeah, and open mic nights.

01:44:57.000 That's the big one.

01:44:58.000 Open mic nights are like training wheels. 0.98

01:45:01.000 Before open mic nights, how the fuck did you ever get on stage the first time? 0.57

01:45:05.000 That's why a lot of those guys used to do joke jokes. 0.87

01:45:08.000 If you talk to some of the old comics that'll be honest with you about what was going on in the early days, they would all share material.

01:45:17.000 You know, they would all do jokes.

01:45:19.000 They would go to these places, the people would never see them again, you know, and they would do a joke.

01:45:25.000 And then, like, their name would get out there that this guy is hilarious.

01:45:28.000 And you'd go see him and they were, like, doing jokes.

01:45:31.000 Like, two guys walking to a bar!

01:45:33.000 Like, literally, they would do, like, street jokes.

01:45:36.000 And they would have a certain amount of them that they...

01:45:38.000 Like Jackie the Joke Man Martling.

01:45:40.000 Perfect example. 0.99

01:45:41.000 Jackie Martling, like, literally knows every fucking joke that's ever... 0.98

01:45:44.000 He has a segment that he does called Stump the Joke Man. 0.98

01:45:47.000 Or he's doing radio where people would call him up with a joke and he would know how the joke goes because he literally knows every joke.

01:45:55.000 Yeah, I've worked with him a number of times over the years and, you know, it's interesting the way he...

01:46:00.000 I mean, I like that there are different people doing different things and he's like a joke joke guy and takes a lot of pride in that and that's fun to watch.

01:46:07.000 It's like, okay, that's what he's doing.

01:46:09.000 Yeah.

01:46:10.000 Joke jokes.

01:46:10.000 Two guys walking to a bar kind of jokes.

01:46:12.000 Yeah.

01:46:13.000 But I also like the fact that, you know, there's other people doing...

01:46:16.000 Bizarrely or weirdly different kinds of comedy, too.

01:46:19.000 Right.

01:46:19.000 You know, that's what's so cool about comedy is there's so many different things happening under that big umbrella.

01:46:25.000 You know one thing you don't see anymore?

01:46:27.000 Prop acts.

01:46:29.000 Carrot Top killed the prop acts.

01:46:31.000 There's so few prop acts.

01:46:33.000 That's weird.

01:46:34.000 When I was starting out, there was a lot of prop acts.

01:46:36.000 Like, you go to open mic night, and on an average open mic night, maybe one guy would have props.

01:46:43.000 And you don't see them anymore.

01:46:45.000 Carrot Top murdered that game.

01:46:47.000 There's no more.

01:46:48.000 I like him.

01:46:51.000 When I used to work in Charlotte, he used to live there.

01:46:54.000 And he would come out, and he was always very...

01:46:58.000 Cool and friendly and you know he was a college act at that time and you know I think he kind of knew the rap you know how many people like what some people think about prop stuff but I don't know I I like to feel like hey man there's all different ways of doing comedy sure you know and funny funny yeah he does he does props Great.

01:47:22.000 He's great at that.

01:47:24.000 And if you want to go there and just buy into that experience, he's going to be holding things up and it's going to be silly and funny.

01:47:29.000 That's fine.

01:47:30.000 I think that's valid.

01:47:31.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:31.000 No, I'm not criticizing it at all.

01:47:33.000 I don't have any problem with what he does.

01:47:35.000 By all accounts, he's a very nice guy.

01:47:37.000 But it's interesting that that genre doesn't exist anymore.

01:47:40.000 That is interesting.

01:47:41.000 There's very few puppet acts these days, too.

01:47:44.000 Very few puppet acts.

01:47:45.000 It's like Jeff Dunham and those whatever characters that he has, he's kind of nailed that down.

01:47:51.000 There's a few guys.

01:47:53.000 There's Terry Fedor.

01:47:54.000 He does those impressions.

01:47:55.000 He has that Terry Fedor theater at the Mirage.

01:47:59.000 But other than those two guys, it used to be Otto and George.

01:48:03.000 Did you ever get a chance to work with Otto?

01:48:04.000 Yes.

01:48:04.000 Yeah.

01:48:06.000 I used to love watching Otto and George.

01:48:09.000 He's my favorite of all time when it comes to puppet acts, because he had a crazy rap. 0.99

01:48:13.000 Like, the puppet would say all the fucked up shit, and then he would go, I can't believe you're saying that. 1.00

01:48:19.000 The puppet would go, fuck you! 1.00

01:48:21.000 The puppet got stabbed once. 1.00

01:48:23.000 It's a legendary story. 0.81

01:48:25.000 Some guy, he was shitting on some guy in the audience, and the guy jumped up and stabbed the puppet. 0.96

01:48:30.000 Like, he stabbed... 0.97

01:48:32.000 That's going to be the ultimate compliment.

01:48:34.000 I guess.

01:48:35.000 If you're stabbing my puppet, I know I'm good at this.

01:48:39.000 I worked with him once and these kids were heckling.

01:48:41.000 We see your lips moving.

01:48:42.000 We see your lips moving.

01:48:44.000 Like, you're missing the point.

01:48:45.000 Of course his lips are moving. 1.00

01:48:47.000 You think the dummy's really fucking talking? 0.99

01:48:49.000 Why are you looking at his lips? 1.00

01:48:51.000 But, you know, people want, like, especially dumb people, they want the ventriloquist to... 1.00

01:48:58.000 Listen, I got news for you, you cunt. 1.00

01:49:00.000 You know, they want your mouth to be completely still. 1.00

01:49:03.000 There's one thing I never understood is...

01:49:04.000 Remember when people say they can throw their voice?

01:49:08.000 What the hell does that mean? 1.00

01:49:10.000 It means you're an idiot. 1.00

01:49:12.000 Where are you throwing it to? 1.00

01:49:14.000 Really?

01:49:15.000 You have the ability to have your voice...

01:49:18.000 Coming from another place outside of your mouth.

01:49:21.000 Your Honor, he threw his voice.

01:49:23.000 It came out of the other person.

01:49:26.000 Did you throw your voice, son?

01:49:29.000 I remind you, you are under oath.

01:49:32.000 Yeah, there's no...

01:49:33.000 That's a thing that people used to think people could do.

01:49:36.000 They used to think people could throw their voice.

01:49:38.000 I think as a kid I thought that, that I would actually try, like, on the side of my mouth.

01:49:42.000 Hey! 0.99

01:49:43.000 Hey! 0.99

01:49:45.000 Hey, I'm over here now!

01:49:47.000 There's probably a way...

01:49:49.000 I'm not over here, I'm over here!

01:49:51.000 You could kind of like subtly make it seem like it's not coming from you, like maybe coming from the side of you, you blow it off to the side. 0.99

01:49:58.000 Yeah, I hope there's not somebody out there who does that for a living and they feel like I'm slamming his crap. 1.00

01:50:04.000 Fuck you! 1.00

01:50:05.000 Well, you support Carrot Top, you don't support me, you fuck! 1.00

01:50:10.000 You ever watch a good comedy hypnotist? 1.00

01:50:16.000 Yeah, I'm not big on the hypnosis thing because I think you can be really good at that.

01:50:28.000 I don't believe that the people that are doing these things Are really hypnotized.

01:50:37.000 Wow.

01:50:38.000 Maybe I'm naive or...

01:50:40.000 I don't know.

01:50:42.000 Naive is the wrong word.

01:50:43.000 You need to see someone who's really good at it.

01:50:45.000 There's people, and I don't know why.

01:50:47.000 I don't know what it is.

01:50:48.000 I'm not saying there's people that no one can hypnotize.

01:50:53.000 Because I've never tried to be hypnotized.

01:50:56.000 I never sat down with a really good hypnotist and tried to be hypnotized.

01:50:59.000 I have friends that have and they swear by it and I know fighters that have done it and they say it helps their career and it helps their mindset.

01:51:07.000 But there are certain people, for whatever reason, that are really, really susceptible to hypnosis.

01:51:13.000 And there was a guy named Frank Santos, and he used to do this show back at Stitches in Boston, and he would do it every week.

01:51:20.000 Frank Santos, the R-rated hypnotist.

01:51:23.000 And it was amazing.

01:51:25.000 I mean, the staff would get there, the staff at the comic club, comics would come down and watch it, because...

01:51:30.000 It was just the most bizarre thing.

01:51:32.000 You would see these people and they really believed what he was saying.

01:51:37.000 Like there'd be people that thought they were having sex.

01:51:39.000 There'd be people that thought they were naked. 0.51

01:51:41.000 But how do you know that?

01:51:42.000 How do you know they believe that?

01:51:44.000 It's a good question.

01:51:45.000 How do you know that...

01:51:46.000 You know how Halloween...

01:51:48.000 Isn't it fun to dress up like a vampire on Halloween?

01:51:51.000 Because it's okay to act crazy on Halloween night.

01:51:54.000 Maybe when you're going to one of these comedy hypnosis shows... 0.97

01:51:58.000 Maybe you have the green light to act silly on stage. 0.86

01:52:01.000 It's like, oh wow, I can do this and no one's going to hold me accountable to acting goofy on stage. 0.82

01:52:08.000 I can say I was hypnotized.

01:52:09.000 So maybe they just enjoy being in the limelight and acting goofy.

01:52:13.000 It is possible.

01:52:14.000 But there were people that he would tell them, I'm going to count to three.

01:52:17.000 And when I count to three, you're going to realize you're naked in front of all these people and you're going to be terrified.

01:52:21.000 One, two, three.

01:52:22.000 And you would see them like...

01:52:24.000 They would be too good.

01:52:25.000 There were some people that were just too good at acting. 0.99

01:52:27.000 Like, they would be fucking confused. 0.97

01:52:30.000 They weren't hamming it up. 0.99

01:52:31.000 They weren't going over the top.

01:52:33.000 And he would talk to them and question them.

01:52:35.000 You'd have to see it, man.

01:52:36.000 Because he would also know when people weren't under.

01:52:38.000 He would know when people weren't under and remove them from the stage.

01:52:41.000 He would know they were faking it.

01:52:42.000 He'd look at them. 1.00

01:52:43.000 I think there's some people that are really fucking stupid. 1.00

01:52:46.000 And they're open to suggestions. 1.00

01:52:47.000 I will say this.

01:52:52.000 I'll open the door to the possibility of hypnosis in the sense that, you know how like when you're watching a football game and all of a sudden the other team has the ball and you're like, I don't remember them punting, yet I've been staring at this TV screen for five minutes.

01:53:05.000 Obviously my brain went somewhere.

01:53:06.000 I missed the last few plays.

01:53:09.000 So maybe in life that can happen where somebody has the power to make your brain go away for a while.

01:53:16.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:53:17.000 I used to think it was total bullshit, until I watched this guy do it over and over and over again, week after week after week. 0.98

01:53:22.000 And then I became friends with him and talked to him. 0.99

01:53:24.000 He was hypnotizing people for weight loss and quitting smoking and stuff along those lines.

01:53:30.000 He just knew how to do it.

01:53:31.000 He just knew how to do it.

01:53:32.000 He'd done it a long time and he knew when people were under and when they weren't under.

01:53:37.000 I don't think you are, but I think there's some people that are just really open to suggestion.

01:53:41.000 And I think there's also something that happens when you put them on stage.

01:53:44.000 Because I think people get really weirded out by the fact they're on stage, the lights are on them, and it makes maybe perhaps some people even more vulnerable.

01:53:53.000 Right.

01:53:54.000 So I understand your lack of belief in the art form.

01:53:59.000 I'm trying to be more...

01:54:01.000 Open-minded about everything, so I will say that it is possible.

01:54:06.000 I wish there was a good one.

01:54:07.000 I would love to have the best come here and try it on maybe Jamie or somebody.

01:54:13.000 No, no, no.

01:54:14.000 For the comedy shows, you want to see it live.

01:54:18.000 You really want to see it live.

01:54:19.000 I just wish there was more guys doing that.

01:54:21.000 I know his son, Frank Santos Jr., does it now in New England, but I just wish there were more of those comedy hypnotists out there.

01:54:28.000 It's not that many.

01:54:29.000 I did a show one time out on the road, like a fill-in date.

01:54:35.000 And they didn't tell the club.

01:54:38.000 I was filling in for a comedy hypnotist.

01:54:41.000 Oh, no!

01:54:42.000 But they didn't tell the audience.

01:54:44.000 Oh, no.

01:54:45.000 And I had a bad set.

01:54:47.000 I get off stage, and then I see table tents on all the tables, you know, comedy hypnosis night, and people were coming up to me going, how come you didn't make us act like chickens, you know?

01:55:00.000 And I'm like, that's when I found out, you thought I was a comedy hypnotist.

01:55:04.000 I did an hour of total confusion for this audience.

01:55:08.000 So they're waiting to be hypnotized.

01:55:10.000 That's what they thought the show was.

01:55:11.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 0.99

01:55:12.000 So you're eating dick up there talking about socks and... 0.99

01:55:15.000 Right, and they're just waiting. 0.96

01:55:16.000 When is he going to start bringing us on stage?

01:55:20.000 Yeah, they're just waiting, like you're warming them up.

01:55:22.000 Yeah, this is a big build-up for the comedy hypnosis thing, and then I say goodnight, and they were like, what the hell happened here?

01:55:31.000 You can just say you don't remember, because I hypnotized you.

01:55:33.000 I hypnotized you.

01:55:34.000 You were all up here.

01:55:37.000 And you're pregnant. 0.99

01:55:38.000 You were all up here, and you were all feeling like you were naked.

01:55:41.000 Goodnight!

01:55:43.000 How weird.

01:55:45.000 What's the worst gig you ever had to do?

01:55:47.000 Do you have a worst?

01:55:49.000 I had one show where I walked almost the entire audience.

01:55:54.000 I filled in for a comedian.

01:55:56.000 He called me up and said, you know Adam Leslie?

01:55:58.000 No.

01:55:59.000 Adam Leslie, he's no longer with us, but he had a headline gig at a place called the Comedy Barn.

01:56:06.000 In Jackson, Mississippi, I think was the town, down in the south.

01:56:10.000 He goes, I can't do the date.

01:56:11.000 Would you fill in and headline for me?

01:56:13.000 I was very new to headlining.

01:56:16.000 So I said sure, and somehow the club was okay with him bringing somebody else instead of him.

01:56:21.000 So I get on stage on a Friday night and just did not get my foot in the door.

01:56:30.000 And just flatlining.

01:56:33.000 You know how it is?

01:56:34.000 There's a point where you know this is over.

01:56:37.000 This ain't happening.

01:56:38.000 And I was at that point.

01:56:40.000 No savers were working.

01:56:42.000 Nothing was working.

01:56:44.000 And then a foursome at the front got up like, you know, when I had like 30 minutes left and just...

01:56:51.000 Put their coats on.

01:56:52.000 I mean, how insulting.

01:56:55.000 Put their jackets and stuff on and just walked away.

01:56:58.000 So I'm thinking, well, maybe, you know, they have the babysitter or something.

01:57:01.000 And then another foursome and then a twosome. 0.97

01:57:04.000 And then everybody just thought, well, I guess it's okay to leave.

01:57:07.000 And everybody just got up and walked out.

01:57:12.000 I probably had 20 people left when I was done.

01:57:15.000 It was the most humiliating, one of the most humiliating nights of my career.

01:57:20.000 How long ago was this?

01:57:22.000 It was last week.

01:57:24.000 Leslie died after he got the phone call from the booker.

01:57:29.000 The booker killed him. 0.99

01:57:30.000 Do you fucking know what Brian Riggins did to my club? 1.00

01:57:33.000 He murdered Adam Leslie. 1.00

01:57:34.000 We lost all our money.

01:57:35.000 We're losing our mortgage now.

01:57:37.000 This was, gosh, 25 years ago?

01:57:39.000 I don't know. 0.96

01:57:39.000 Those moments when you're fucking tail spinning, those are some of the most painful and confusing moments in a comics career. 0.96

01:57:45.000 But in my opinion, those are really important because all the big growth moments of my early career came after I bombed. 0.97

01:57:54.000 We're good to go.

01:57:58.000 We're good to go.

01:58:14.000 Do you sometimes think it's the audience, completely the audience, like just, you know, it's Friday night, 10 o'clock show, these people are all just in a kind of a bleh.

01:58:22.000 The audience can play a part in whether or not you have a good set or a great set, but the audience cannot play a part if you are really, unless it's just the worst. 0.99

01:58:32.000 Fucking horrendous group of fucking convicts, out on parole, all on meth. 0.99

01:58:38.000 It is possible. 1.00

01:58:40.000 But a lot of times you'll have a bad audience, but you can still get them.

01:58:43.000 And you'll have a good set.

01:58:45.000 You can still have a good set.

01:58:46.000 Sometimes you just go out there and it's magic.

01:58:49.000 Sometimes you go out there, and you just feel so loose, and the audience is so ready right off the bat that everything is just flowing and amazing.

01:58:56.000 Like, that was this weekend in Portland.

01:58:58.000 I did Helium, the comedy club.

01:59:00.000 I'm trying to work on some new material.

01:59:02.000 I'm tightening things up, so I like to go to comedy clubs when I do that.

01:59:05.000 I like to do a whole weekend at a comedy club.

01:59:06.000 You're doing those two shows on Friday, two shows on Saturday, and it was just so fun.

01:59:10.000 It had been sold out for months.

01:59:12.000 It was like all this energy in the air, and everything was great.

01:59:14.000 But then I did the Comedy Store like two Wednesdays ago.

01:59:18.000 There was no energy in the room.

01:59:22.000 Maren was on before me.

01:59:23.000 He was saying the same thing.

01:59:24.000 He got off stage.

01:59:25.000 I think he even said something.

01:59:27.000 You guys, you were there.

01:59:29.000 He said that, saying goodnight.

01:59:32.000 It was a weird lack of...

01:59:34.000 It was almost like one of these cross-armed audiences where they're like, They're not going to put out too much energy.

01:59:39.000 It's a Wednesday night at 1030. There's not much there.

01:59:42.000 But you still get them.

01:59:43.000 Like, I had a good set.

01:59:44.000 It was still good.

01:59:45.000 Still went, you know, all the stuff that's funny got laughs.

01:59:49.000 I always felt like my job was to be one better than the audience.

01:59:56.000 You know, there are many comedians can do as well as the audience.

01:59:59.000 If it's a great crowd, they do great.

02:00:00.000 If it's a good crowd, they do good.

02:00:02.000 If it's a bad crowd, they do bad.

02:00:04.000 I always wanted to be, like, if they were bad, I would do so-so.

02:00:10.000 If they were so-so, I would do good.

02:00:13.000 If they were good, I would do great.

02:00:15.000 And if they were great, I would do great.

02:00:17.000 That's a beautiful philosophy.

02:00:18.000 So I just wanted to one-up, you know what I mean?

02:00:20.000 Like, it was my job to bring them to one higher level of what their situation is.

02:00:26.000 I was at the improv one night, and it was a late show.

02:00:29.000 It was like a 10 p.m.

02:00:30.000 show on a Friday, and the crowd was kind of tired, and Brody Stevens went on, and he was on like last, and he took his shirt off and started running through the crowd.

02:00:41.000 He made them play music.

02:00:43.000 He took his shirt off, started running through the crowd, and he was taking his shirt and spinning it over his head like a helicopter.

02:00:50.000 He's like, we have energy in here!

02:00:53.000 We're alive!

02:00:54.000 This is happening!

02:00:56.000 This is real!

02:00:58.000 We're in Hollywood!

02:00:59.000 And he starts, like, clapping and putting his arms together and getting everybody to clap along.

02:01:04.000 And he transformed the entire room.

02:01:06.000 And he went on stage, transformed the...

02:01:08.000 I mean, there's a video on my Instagram page of Brody.

02:01:11.000 It's late night.

02:01:12.000 Pull it up, the late night video of him drumming.

02:01:15.000 He does these closer spots at the comedy store where...

02:01:20.000 You know, the show starts, the main room show starts at 9 o'clock, and it goes on until 2 o'clock in the morning, and there's a point of no return.

02:01:27.000 There's a no man's land time, somewhere after like 11.30, where the audience is like, okay, let's just get the fuck out of here.

02:01:34.000 Like, a lot of people leave.

02:01:35.000 So it was packed, and then when Brody goes on, there's like maybe 25 or 30 people.

02:01:42.000 So this is Brody on stage playing drums.

02:01:47.000 Check this out.

02:01:48.000 Can we hear this through our headphones? 1.00

02:01:55.000 He's fucking playing drums. 0.99

02:01:57.000 I mean, it doesn't even make any sense. 1.00

02:01:59.000 He's got a guy next to him.

02:02:01.000 The guy in the middle-aged guy back there.

02:02:03.000 The guy to his left that you can't see, he's got thimbles.

02:02:07.000 What is one of those things?

02:02:09.000 Symbols?

02:02:09.000 Symbols, right?

02:02:10.000 Oh, okay.

02:02:10.000 With a tambourine.

02:02:11.000 He gave him a fucking tambourine. 1.00

02:02:13.000 The guy's got a tambourine. 1.00

02:02:14.000 And he gave it to the guy.

02:02:16.000 He goes, you back me up.

02:02:17.000 You've got the tambourine.

02:02:18.000 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

02:02:20.000 I mean, I watched him for an hour, and he went from that to doing stand-up where he's talking to the crowd.

02:02:27.000 There was points and times where you see there's photos where you can see him walking around the crowd.

02:02:34.000 He put the microphone down and started doing stand-up, just walking around, just walking around.

02:02:39.000 Friday night's Kinison spot in the main room is usually when Brody just does an hour.

02:02:44.000 He starts off the drums.

02:02:45.000 He walks around.

02:02:46.000 It's great.

02:02:46.000 It's a great...

02:02:47.000 There's two guys that nail that spot. 0.65

02:02:49.000 Brian Holtzman and Brody Stevens.

02:02:51.000 Because they're both just free-form maniacs.

02:02:54.000 They can just free-ball.

02:02:56.000 And Brody, especially, because he does so many warm-ups.

02:02:59.000 He warms up for sitcoms and talk shows.

02:03:03.000 And he's really good at it.

02:03:04.000 So they have him coming.

02:03:05.000 We had him do it when I did the man show.

02:03:07.000 He's amazing at it.

02:03:08.000 Just creating comedy out of nowhere.

02:03:10.000 He just goes in there, starts talking to people, and the next thing you know...

02:03:14.000 I couldn't do that.

02:03:15.000 I don't have that ability.

02:03:16.000 I don't have that ability at all.

02:03:18.000 I've seen a couple of sitcom tapings and watched...

02:03:22.000 Comedians that have to warm up.

02:03:24.000 That is a skill, that is an amazing skill, and I could not accomplish it.

02:03:29.000 It's an act.

02:03:30.000 It's a different kind of act.

02:03:32.000 It's just like another facet of stand-up comedy.

02:03:35.000 I wouldn't say it's my favorite facet, but the thing about Brody is that facet, even though I don't necessarily like watching warm-ups that much, Brody has turned that into like a proving, not a proving ground, but like a training ground for him.

02:03:51.000 Like he's so comfortable just free-balling about anything and everything, and he knows how to like hit it and turn it into comedy.

02:03:59.000 He's a very unusual talent, Brody Stevens, and he's really good at that, that late-night spot.

02:04:05.000 Since I've been back at the Comedy Store, I've seen him do four or five of those late-night spots, and particularly I just waited around, waited so I could watch Brody.

02:04:14.000 Michael Keaton was there last night, by the way.

02:04:16.000 Was he really?

02:04:16.000 Watching Kimberly Condom win the roast battle.

02:04:19.000 Academy Award winner, Michael Keaton.

02:04:22.000 That movie won the Academy Award.

02:04:23.000 Did you see it? 1.00

02:04:23.000 I heard it sucks. 1.00

02:04:24.000 It was the worst movie. 1.00

02:04:25.000 I watched it three times.

02:04:26.000 Are you guys joking?

02:04:27.000 Jamie liked it.

02:04:28.000 You liked it?

02:04:29.000 Jamie liked it?

02:04:29.000 I haven't seen it, but I hear it's good.

02:04:31.000 I've heard quite a few people say it's good.

02:04:33.000 I'm going to have to watch it eventually.

02:04:34.000 What's bothering me is there's this video going around of Michael Keaton...

02:04:41.000 Putting what some people are speculating as an acceptance speech for best actor back into his pocket.

02:04:46.000 And the vibe is how embarrassing is that?

02:04:49.000 Why is that embarrassing?

02:04:52.000 You know, the guy was up for the best actor at a point in his career where, you know, it's been a while since he's done anything.

02:04:58.000 I hate this negativity, you know, to take that moment and just blow that up as something that he should be ashamed of or embarrassed.

02:05:07.000 So what?

02:05:07.000 He had an acceptance speech.

02:05:08.000 He was up for the Academy Award.

02:05:10.000 Didn't I see you bombing Arsenio?

02:05:13.000 Was that you?

02:05:14.000 Hey, how's your career?

02:05:16.000 Tough business.

02:05:17.000 You know, there's just...

02:05:18.000 I don't know.

02:05:19.000 There's too much...

02:05:20.000 There's too much...

02:05:22.000 Unhappy people in this world that have a voice.

02:05:24.000 Yeah.

02:05:24.000 Like, I don't like the slamming people's dresses and all that stuff, you know?

02:05:28.000 It's like, they've been working their ass off for their career to finally get a role where they're getting a little...

02:05:35.000 They're getting some attention and they get to go to this big, fun Academy Award and they put everything they can into and putting this dress on.

02:05:42.000 And then some...

02:05:43.000 Guy or woman just gets to go, I think it looks ugly. 1.00

02:05:46.000 Do you know why that exists though?

02:05:48.000 Because of people like Kanye West.

02:05:50.000 Because people, their egos are so blown out of proportion, you want to shoot them down. 0.99

02:05:54.000 They're so goofy. 0.94

02:05:55.000 So then you start looking at other people. 0.98

02:05:57.000 It was fun shooting him down. 0.99

02:05:58.000 Let me look around, see who else is fucking flossing that I don't like. 0.99

02:06:01.000 And you start looking for them. 0.99

02:06:02.000 It's like, we don't like people that think they're better than everybody else.

02:06:05.000 And when When someone thinks they're better than everybody else, they are a justifiable target.

02:06:09.000 So then it becomes like a genre, like picking on people that are celebrities.

02:06:13.000 It becomes like a thing.

02:06:15.000 So then you start looking for all these other people that are successful. 1.00

02:06:18.000 Look at Michael Keaton, that stupid fucking, yeah, Batman! 1.00

02:06:21.000 Oh, I'm sorry, you're not Batman anymore! 1.00

02:06:23.000 You know? 1.00

02:06:24.000 This fucking movie won the Academy Award, you cunt! 1.00

02:06:27.000 But that's deaf people. 1.00

02:06:28.000 There's a lot of really unbalanced, unhappy people.

02:06:32.000 And because of the internet and people making comments, unfortunately, you know, it's like honking a car horn.

02:06:37.000 You can do it in the safety of your car because you know it's unlikely that that guy is going to come over and actually have a physical confrontation.

02:06:43.000 I think comments to me are horn honkers.

02:06:46.000 They're just people honking.

02:06:48.000 They're sitting in They're going to take their underwear at home, and they're just going to honk their little horn.

02:06:53.000 They're going to throw their little negativity out there.

02:06:55.000 I don't know what they get out of it, though. 0.94

02:06:58.000 Psychologically, what do you get out of just typing some mean-spirited bullcrap? 0.95

02:07:05.000 I don't get it.

02:07:05.000 They don't get anything out of it, but they're not balanced people.

02:07:08.000 They're not thinking about what they get out of it.

02:07:09.000 They're not looking at their life objectively, like, what is the effort to reward ratio to what I'm accomplishing here, or am I accomplishing anything?

02:07:17.000 No, they're just...

02:07:17.000 What about me, Michael Keaton?

02:07:21.000 You stupid fucking word speech? 1.00

02:07:23.000 You know, they go back to their shit-back job on Monday morning, some place that they hate where nobody likes them. 1.00

02:07:28.000 They go, did you see Michael Keaton? 0.99

02:07:29.000 How embarrassing.

02:07:30.000 Putting this thing back in his pocket. 1.00

02:07:32.000 What a fucking lube guy. 1.00

02:07:34.000 That's the world we live in. 1.00

02:07:35.000 And it's also the world where people have a voice that never had a voice before.

02:07:39.000 You used to have to earn your voice.

02:07:41.000 You know, if you were a great writer or a great critic, you were respected by all these people that sought out your opinions on things.

02:07:50.000 And so when they read your opinion on something, it was like, oh, this guy is a very thoughtful, well-measured person, and his opinion on blank will be interesting to read.

02:08:01.000 But now everybody gets to put their opinion out there.

02:08:03.000 Everybody can have an opinion about everything.

02:08:05.000 I like it though. 0.86

02:08:06.000 I like it because I think it's ultimately balancing and I think that the cult of personality that comes along with celebrity I think is ridiculous.

02:08:14.000 And I think this chips it down.

02:08:16.000 It brings it back down.

02:08:17.000 Look, this is a weird time that we live in. 0.99

02:08:19.000 This is a time where someone can hack into Jennifer Lawrence's phone and find pictures of her asshole and then put those on the internet. 1.00

02:08:26.000 That never existed before. 0.99

02:08:27.000 Well, listen, I do understand that You know, it's a different thing.

02:08:32.000 And yes, now any Joe Blow can have a comment.

02:08:35.000 I'm cool with that.

02:08:36.000 But I think there should be accountability. 0.93

02:08:38.000 I hate these trolls that hide behind fake names and they're negative.

02:08:43.000 If you want to be negative or positive, you should own who you are. 0.66

02:08:47.000 It should be you that should be held accountable.

02:08:50.000 The person that you're slamming should be able to confront you.

02:08:54.000 Well, I don't know about that.

02:08:55.000 Do you really want to confront everybody?

02:08:57.000 If you're a person that's in the public eye, do you really want to confront all those different people that can talk to you?

02:09:02.000 You'll waste your entire life dealing with hecklers and trolls.

02:09:05.000 I'm not saying that you need to confront people who are being negative, but I'm saying that the person who wants to be negative out there, it should be that person's name.

02:09:13.000 Own your negativity.

02:09:15.000 Well, there's a little bit of that.

02:09:16.000 That's happening.

02:09:17.000 I mean, that's a Facebook thing.

02:09:18.000 You know, in Facebook, it's very difficult to have a fake name.

02:09:21.000 But I think that ultimately, where this is leading is going to be this dissolving of all the boundaries between people.

02:09:28.000 People can reach you.

02:09:29.000 They can contact Brian Regan where they never could before.

02:09:31.000 People can reach, you know, someone and make fun of their celebrity speech, their acceptance speech.

02:09:37.000 People can do things, they can get closer to you than they've ever been able to do so before.

02:09:41.000 And I think, ultimately, the good thing about that is things like podcasts and things that couldn't have existed before, they take down this, like, There's a boundary between people expressing themselves and that expression being reached by other people.

02:09:58.000 You know, if someone has really funny tweets, if they're a really funny Twitter person, those really funny tweets can get spread around and all of a sudden they have 100,000 followers.

02:10:07.000 There's a lot of people like that.

02:10:08.000 They're just regular folks at regular jobs, but they're really funny.

02:10:11.000 And so just by quality, just by people, their ideas resonating with people, they have a vehicle that never existed before.

02:10:19.000 So it doesn't always have to be negative.

02:10:22.000 I think it's just so many people are disenchanted, and they just don't like life, and they're just depressed, and they don't like their existence. 0.95

02:10:28.000 And so they're looking to, like, shit on people and spread negativity as much as possible. 0.97

02:10:33.000 But what it shows is just that this vehicle exists. 0.99

02:10:37.000 And it doesn't just exist for that.

02:10:39.000 It exists for positivity, too.

02:10:41.000 That's true.

02:10:41.000 And it's just people aren't aware.

02:10:43.000 This is a new thing, man.

02:10:45.000 This is something that we're navigating for the first time in human history.

02:10:48.000 And this has never existed before. 0.69

02:10:50.000 The ability to leave a YouTube comment, the ability to have a fake Twitter handle that's just an egg that they can shit all over Brian Regan after a show. 1.00

02:10:59.000 Yeah, you don't think hypnotizing is real, you asshole? 1.00

02:11:02.000 How do you think I lost fucking 50 pounds in this market? 1.00

02:11:05.000 I mean, that's just, it's a symptom of this new age that we live in. 0.98

02:11:11.000 That this stage where technology, as it's advancing, it's advanced to this completely new realm that never existed before.

02:11:19.000 Where the ability to communicate with people is unprecedented.

02:11:23.000 The ability to reach people is unprecedented.

02:11:25.000 And we're navigating it.

02:11:26.000 We don't know how to manage it yet.

02:11:29.000 And there's a lot of people that, you know, they're not thinking about what the impact of their words are. 1.00

02:11:34.000 They're just being idiots. 1.00

02:11:35.000 And they're, you know, they're not that thoughtful. 1.00

02:11:37.000 They're not really considering it.

02:11:39.000 This is a part of the weird world that we're living in, the world of connectivity.

02:11:45.000 And it's going to get crazier and crazier.

02:11:47.000 This is just one step.

02:11:49.000 This is just one step.

02:11:50.000 There's going to be a time in the future where I believe we're going to be able to communicate not just with words on a screen, but with someone.

02:11:58.000 People are going to be able to express feelings to you.

02:12:00.000 They're going to be able to express emotions to you without even knowing you, without being around you.

02:12:05.000 Things are going to get real weird over the next few years.

02:12:07.000 Real weird.

02:12:08.000 They're not going to slow down.

02:12:09.000 They're going to speed up.

02:12:10.000 We're not going to move to log cabins and start chopping our own firewood.

02:12:13.000 It's going to get weirder and weirder.

02:12:15.000 Good night, everybody.

02:12:17.000 Brian Regan, ladies and gentlemen.

02:12:20.000 Brian Regan comic on Twitter.

02:12:23.000 Where's your show this weekend?

02:12:25.000 I'm at the Dolby Theatre in L.A. this Saturday night.

02:12:29.000 What time is this show?

02:12:31.000 8 p.m.

02:12:31.000 That's the same time as the UFC. There's a UFC in L.A. at the Staples Center.

02:12:37.000 Well...

02:12:37.000 I'm not saying it's bad.

02:12:39.000 I mean, people are going to see you.

02:12:39.000 They could DVR the UFC. Yeah.

02:12:42.000 I should have brought up the UFC. Either way.

02:12:44.000 The Dolby Theatre, ladies and gentlemen.

02:12:46.000 That's the place to be on Saturday night. 1.00

02:12:48.000 Fuck the UFC! I said it! 1.00

02:12:50.000 I work for them!

02:12:51.000 I'll be there.

02:12:52.000 Dolby Theater, Saturday night, on Twitter, Brian Regan Comics.

02:12:56.000 Do you talk to people on Twitter?

02:12:57.000 Do you interact with the folks?

02:12:59.000 From your conversation, I might need to adjust my way of doing it.

02:13:04.000 You don't have to listen to me, man.

02:13:05.000 Right now, it's been kind of one-sided.

02:13:07.000 I don't tweet a lot, but it's just me tweeting out.

02:13:10.000 But you don't usually read the tweets and then respond?

02:13:13.000 No, no.

02:13:14.000 Probably smarter. 0.76

02:13:14.000 It's probably a smart way to do it. 0.76

02:13:16.000 My way is probably ridiculous. 0.77

02:13:18.000 I just tweet out and then go make a milkshake. 0.68

02:13:23.000 Here's what's important. 0.99

02:13:24.000 You're fucking hilarious. 0.96

02:13:25.000 You're a great guy. 0.95

02:13:25.000 Thank you. 0.95

02:13:26.000 It's always a pleasure to hang out with you.

02:13:27.000 Always a pleasure to have you on the podcast.

02:13:29.000 Very kind.

02:13:29.000 If you've never seen Brian Regan live, please go check him out.

02:13:32.000 He's fucking absolutely one of the best in the country. 0.79

02:13:34.000 You're very nice.

02:13:35.000 Thank you so much, too.

02:13:36.000 Brian Regan, ladies and gentlemen, Dolby Theater, Los Angeles, California, Saturday night.

02:13:41.000 Be there!

02:13:42.000 Good night!

02:13:42.000 See ya!

02:13:42.000 Bye!

02:13:53.000 you

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 25, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #617 - Brian Regan

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