The Joe Rogan Experience - April 27, 2015


Joe Rogan Experience #639 - Greg Proops

Topics
writing books bloody diarrhea commercials MRSA resistance and hand sanitizers parking tickets prison privatization cocaine conversations coca leaves salt mines grow rooms in Colorado heirloom tomatoes Lake Mead drought concerns deer eating birds astronaut shirts
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Greg Proops
Mentioned
Brian Holtzman Brody Stevens Diane Sawyer Jamie Adam Greg Proops Eric Garner Salt Michael Jackson Peter Dinklage Willie Mays Lake Travis Don Barris Edison Dude George Washington Sturgill Simpson Kittens McTavish Norm Macdonald Walter Scott and 73 more
Joe Rogan Experience #637 - Remi Warren Joe Rogan Experience #640 - Charles C. Johnson

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 8 minutes

Words per minute

196.35

Word count

25,260

Sentence count

2,875

Harmful content

Misogyny

91

sentences flagged

Toxicity

775

sentences flagged

Hate speech

64

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian and writer Greg Proops joins Jemele to discuss his new book, The Smartest Book in the World, as well as his new stand-up comedy show on Comedy Central's Late Night with Seth Meyers. They also talk about the best way to remember a piece of paper, and why we should all write things down on pieces of paper instead of typing them into a computer. Plus, they talk about universal cords and why you should have your own signature on everything you use. Also, they debate whether or not you should be able to write something down in cursive or not, and how important it is to actually write it down. And, of course, they answer the question, "What s the worst thing you can do with a pen and paper?" and much, much more! Thanks to our sponsor, Caff Monster Energy Drink Co. for sponsoring the podcast. Don t forget to rate, review, and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, and share the podcast on your favorite streaming platform! If you like what you hear, share it on your social media, and tell a friend about it! Cheers, Cheers! Timestamps: 3:00 - The smartest book in the world? 4:30 - How to write a book? 5:00- What's the smartest thing you've ever written? 6:30- How many cords you use? 7:15 - Why do you write something? 8:40 - What is the best? 9:15- What do you need to write? 10:00 11: Can you write a better than someone else? 12: What s your favorite thing? 13:00 | How do you have a pen? 14:40- What are you going to do with your signature? 15:40 16: What is your favorite color? 17:00 +16:20 - What s the best thing you write with your pen and a pen & paper? 19:10 - Can you do it better? 22:30 21:40 | What s a good idea? 26:30 | What's your favorite sign? 27:10 | Can I write better than that? 25:00 // 15:00 / 16:00/16:00 & 17:20 | What do I write with my pen and pen & stamp?

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Either way, I could, depending upon the day, I could argue both ways. 0.99
00:00:03.000 Greg motherfucking Proops is here! 0.97
00:00:06.000 Greg Proops is one of those dudes that actually wrote a book. 0.99
00:00:12.000 I'm one of those dudes who threatens to write a book, but never does it.
00:00:15.000 But you're one of those dudes who actually wrote a book.
00:00:17.000 The smartest book in the world. 1.00
00:00:18.000 You bad motherfucker, you. 1.00
00:00:19.000 I just learned to read, and so I thought, why not put it to use? 1.00
00:00:24.000 I have another level of respect for people who write books.
00:00:27.000 It took so long, Joe.
00:00:29.000 You think it's going to be easy.
00:00:31.000 Because it's off the podcast, right?
00:00:33.000 Obviously, it's a cheap marketing ploy.
00:00:37.000 From the smartest man in the world.
00:00:40.000 Smartest book in the world.
00:01:02.000 There's a big difference between orating and writing. 0.99
00:01:05.000 There's a big goddamn difference. 0.70
00:01:07.000 And sometimes, like for stand-up comedy, that's like why one of the most important things is you have to do both. 0.96
00:01:13.000 And the guys who only do one or the other, it easily doesn't...
00:01:18.000 I mean, some guys can pull it off.
00:01:20.000 Some guys just like to just go up and just keep going up all the time and just going over the material in their head like sort of Jay-Z style.
00:01:28.000 Yeah.
00:01:29.000 And never actually sitting down and writing things out.
00:01:31.000 I know guys who don't, you know, only a key word here and there.
00:01:34.000 And then I was just in Denver and I made everybody get their book out because I wanted to look at everybody's book.
00:01:39.000 You know, like I'm obsessed with the fact that we're the last people who write things on pieces of paper or...
00:01:44.000 All the time for our own information.
00:01:45.000 The rest of the world has completely gone phone.
00:01:48.000 Really?
00:01:49.000 I think so, but I mean, I don't know.
00:01:51.000 You carry a notebook, right?
00:01:53.000 I carry a notebook when I perform.
00:01:55.000 Right, me too.
00:01:56.000 I have one of those little tiny moleskins.
00:01:58.000 Uh-huh.
00:01:59.000 So I took mine out, and of course, it's just...
00:02:02.000 Sheaf of garbage with, like, every napkin and stationary from every hotel on earth.
00:02:07.000 Right. 0.81
00:02:07.000 And stuffed into moleskins. 0.81
00:02:09.000 And then the other guy takes his out, Deacon Gray, his name is a Denver comic.
00:02:13.000 And his is written like a playwright.
00:02:15.000 Each page, just beautifully.
00:02:17.000 You know, every word of the joke written down.
00:02:20.000 Right.
00:02:20.000 And I'm like, I write, like, corn.
00:02:22.000 You know, and then try to remember the other 18 minutes that goes with it.
00:02:26.000 So, like you say, sometimes you need to write the whole thing out and look at it.
00:02:30.000 But my question was, and I don't know if this works with you, if you write something down on a piece of paper, for me, I remember it.
00:02:37.000 If I type it into something, I've got to read it a thousand times.
00:02:41.000 They've done studies on that, actually.
00:02:42.000 That the best way for someone to remember something is to actually physically write it longhand.
00:02:48.000 Is cursive longhand?
00:02:50.000 Is that what they call longhand?
00:02:51.000 Yeah, they call that longhand.
00:02:52.000 That's longhand?
00:02:53.000 But, I mean, just writing it.
00:02:54.000 I don't write in cursive.
00:02:55.000 I don't know anyone who writes in cursive that much.
00:02:56.000 My mom does, and she sent me a whole letter the other day, and I couldn't read it.
00:03:00.000 Halfway through, I just gave up.
00:03:01.000 Because I don't even...
00:03:02.000 The Z-R thing, I can't tell if it's Z's or R's. 1.00
00:03:05.000 Like that.
00:03:05.000 Yeah.
00:03:06.000 What's wrong with the microphone?
00:03:08.000 Why is it flopped?
00:03:10.000 Michael Moore wrote this thing about running for president a couple weeks ago that was pretty funny.
00:03:15.000 He's not doing it, but one of the things he said was, well, the first thing he said was, universal cords for everything, right?
00:03:21.000 For all devices, all computers, phones.
00:03:23.000 He goes, we've had the same plug in the wall for a hundred years.
00:03:26.000 There's not 16 different ones.
00:03:28.000 Why is every device...
00:03:29.000 Well, almost everybody but Apple uses a microSD, right?
00:03:32.000 Right, right.
00:03:33.000 Or a microUSB, right?
00:03:35.000 Every brand they change.
00:03:36.000 But he also said everyone has to be taught cursive.
00:03:40.000 And his reason was it's the one thing that's absolutely distinct like a fingerprint to every human.
00:03:45.000 Our signature is...
00:03:47.000 You know what I mean?
00:03:48.000 You can copy people's signatures, but we all learn our own way to write.
00:03:51.000 Old government tricks.
00:03:52.000 Yep.
00:03:53.000 Yep.
00:03:53.000 And so I agreed with him on that.
00:03:55.000 I thought, I don't really write letters in cursive like your mother did because she went to school before, but I learned cursive, oh my God, when I was...
00:04:02.000 Eight years old or nine years old, you know?
00:04:04.000 Well, the way you write is always like, it's always distinctive so much so that it's a segment in television shows and movies and plots.
00:04:12.000 You know, they bring in the handwriting analysis guy.
00:04:15.000 A giant loop on the P and a giant loop on the G means an outstanding personality and the double O's are, you know, blah, blah, blah. 1.00
00:04:22.000 They can break you down in how you...
00:04:24.000 Do you have the same signature that you did when you started comedy?
00:04:28.000 Uh, yeah.
00:04:29.000 Or did you abbreviate it?
00:04:30.000 Ish.
00:04:30.000 No, I have an abbreviated one in case I gotta sign a thousand things.
00:04:35.000 So you have two versions of your signature?
00:04:36.000 Not a lot of letters, yeah.
00:04:38.000 Where it's just kind of G's and P's. 0.67
00:04:40.000 I like the people who've narrowed their signature down to, like, nothing.
00:04:44.000 It just looks like a blob, and you're like, that doesn't look like your name.
00:04:47.000 That's kind of a...
00:04:50.000 Willie Mays I have a couple of autographs of.
00:04:52.000 I didn't get them personally, but they were given to me.
00:04:54.000 And Willie Mays learned handwriting in the 30s in Alabama, where he grew up, I'm sure, at his little school, right?
00:05:00.000 So his writing goes the other way entirely.
00:05:02.000 Like, it doesn't look like Willie Mays.
00:05:04.000 It looks like ween, ween, ween, like all going one way.
00:05:06.000 And I looked at it for ages until I figured out, oh, he's holding it like this and going like that, with his W. He's making a W completely backwards to the way you'd make a W. But Babe Ruth, who went to school in the early turn of the century in Baltimore, and he went to an industrial school where the priests and the nuns beat you and stuff.
00:05:26.000 Old school.
00:05:27.000 Yeah, he went to one of those.
00:05:28.000 His signature is absolutely beautiful.
00:05:30.000 And he wrote with his left hand.
00:05:32.000 And if you wrote left-handed then, it was terrible because you were using a fountain pen or you dipped it in a well.
00:05:38.000 So your hand goes across your work.
00:05:41.000 Yes, yes. 0.82
00:05:41.000 Oh, that's gross. 0.82
00:05:42.000 Every left-hander had to learn to write with their hand up. 1.00
00:05:45.000 Yeah, writing left-handed is a real bitch, man. 1.00
00:05:48.000 That's a real bitch. 1.00
00:05:49.000 I tried to practice it once when I broke my arm. 0.99
00:05:52.000 I couldn't write with my right hand, so I started writing things with my left, and it was bizarre. 0.94
00:05:57.000 First of all, it's bizarre how shitty your left hand works. 0.97
00:06:00.000 Yes! 0.99
00:06:01.000 It's incredible.
00:06:01.000 It's amazing how poor...
00:06:03.000 Yeah, I mean if you think about what your right hand can do with drawing things and writing things down very quickly with excellent control of your fingers, excellent articulation.
00:06:14.000 Thank you.
00:06:15.000 You switch over to your left hand like you get tired writing.
00:06:19.000 It's such an effort you have to concentrate.
00:06:21.000 All of your right brain on writing.
00:06:23.000 My right arm, though, is starting to turn into my left arm just from using cell phones too much, how I sit and use my computer.
00:06:29.000 I was getting early signs of carpal tunnel or something, but it's turning weak.
00:06:33.000 I could feel it get weaker.
00:06:34.000 You're right-handed.
00:06:34.000 My right arm.
00:06:35.000 And you've overused it with devices.
00:06:37.000 So much.
00:06:37.000 They say that with people with thumbs.
00:06:39.000 Thumbs now, they have more carpal tunnel issues with thumbs than, like, ever in human history between Xboxes, Game Boys, and texting.
00:06:46.000 Yeah, everything's this now.
00:06:47.000 It's all this one movement. 0.99
00:06:48.000 And with kids, there's some kids that are fucking addicted. 0.97
00:06:53.000 We've had many conversations on this podcast about electronic addictions and how real they are now. 0.99
00:06:58.000 Ari Shaffir just switched over to a little flip phone, and somebody else just switched over to a flip phone, too. 1.00
00:07:07.000 Oh, Rory McDonald, UFC fighter.
00:07:09.000 He switched over, too.
00:07:10.000 From a smartphone?
00:07:11.000 Yeah, he's like, it's just too much.
00:07:12.000 I just don't feel like I get enough me time.
00:07:15.000 I'm just constantly dealing with texts and tweets and looking at this video and watching that.
00:07:20.000 Do you think that's head trauma?
00:07:21.000 That's why they're going back to the flip phone?
00:07:23.000 Both Ari and Rory.
00:07:25.000 Rory has been hit, but rarely.
00:07:27.000 He's very skillful.
00:07:28.000 Ari lost his other phone.
00:07:30.000 Ari made a conscious decision and talked about it while he had his iPhone.
00:07:35.000 How dare you?
00:07:37.000 Yeah, I believe you.
00:07:38.000 Well, he really did, man.
00:07:39.000 I think it's good, though.
00:07:40.000 I know people who use old-tasher ones.
00:07:42.000 I got a buddy in Illinois, and he brought out his, and he had a little razor, man.
00:07:47.000 Why not?
00:07:48.000 You know what?
00:07:49.000 I don't think you have to do everything.
00:07:51.000 I got buddies, too, who aren't on Twitter that are comedians, and they just want their privacy.
00:07:55.000 They're not on Facebook.
00:07:56.000 They want to live their lives, man.
00:07:58.000 And I say right on, because I find myself wasting too much time on it.
00:08:02.000 You know what I mean?
00:08:03.000 The difference between doing your business on it, because we all got to tweet and go on Periscope and shoot each other and be the monkeys, but when you find yourself just going through Twitter, just looking for something that's interesting, you're like, I could be building a home out of bricks or...
00:08:21.000 Getting something actually done.
00:08:23.000 Writing a sonnet to my wife or something.
00:08:25.000 Or reading a book.
00:08:27.000 Yeah, like my book.
00:08:28.000 Like the smartest book in the world. 0.99
00:08:30.000 Like, why would you fuck with Twitter when you could just read that? 0.98
00:08:32.000 I don't think I bang on the internet too much on there. 0.99
00:08:36.000 A little bit.
00:08:36.000 There's a few things.
00:08:38.000 The whole WWW World Wide Web thing, I'm like, World Wide Web is three syllables, and WWW is nine syllables.
00:08:46.000 So why do we say the abbreviation?
00:08:49.000 That's so true!
00:08:50.000 World Wide Web is much faster to say than WWW. World Wide Web is way quicker!
00:08:56.000 That's hilarious.
00:08:57.000 I never thought of that until right now.
00:08:59.000 And I put it in the book like, why have we said WWW, friends? 0.96
00:09:03.000 That is so fucking funny. 0.91
00:09:05.000 Did you find Willie Mays, isn't it? 0.98
00:09:06.000 And no one ever said anything.
00:09:08.000 Someone pointed it out to me a couple years ago.
00:09:10.000 A friend went like, why do we say this?
00:09:12.000 And I'm like, oh my god!
00:09:14.000 W-W-W. World Wide Web.
00:09:17.000 Because we think we're shortening out by saying W-W-W. Like, hey, that's a hip way to say it. 0.99
00:09:21.000 It's stuttering.
00:09:22.000 Why don't we just say dub-dub-dub or something?
00:09:24.000 That's some connection to life.
00:09:26.000 There's something in that. 0.62
00:09:27.000 Like, there's a reason why life is so goofy.
00:09:31.000 There's got to be some connection.
00:09:33.000 I stick that one in there.
00:09:36.000 I like words that I hate and stuff.
00:09:38.000 There's a couple chapters on that.
00:09:39.000 Just words that you hate?
00:09:41.000 Well, like, you know, people.
00:09:42.000 I said, like, soups and cray-cray and all that.
00:09:45.000 I said, in 50 years, it'll be like saying buggy whip or whippersnapper or, you know.
00:09:49.000 I like when people use cray-cray in an anonymous or in an ironic, rather, way.
00:09:54.000 Yeah, I don't mind that. 0.99
00:09:55.000 Like, if something fucks up and some guy does something really stupid and someone goes, damn, he cray-cray. 0.99
00:09:59.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:09:59.000 You know, that's funny. 1.00
00:10:00.000 If they don't really mean it, but if they do mean it, it's like, ooh.
00:10:04.000 You just shouldn't accept that level of culture automatically.
00:10:08.000 I agree.
00:10:09.000 There has to be some bulwark against the barbarians.
00:10:12.000 There has to be something against the horde of sheep who are willing to all act and behave the same. 0.89
00:10:18.000 There's got to be something.
00:10:19.000 There's got to be...
00:10:20.000 Not having a smartphone is one way.
00:10:22.000 I remember, was it John Waters who didn't have email up to like a couple years ago?
00:10:26.000 How dare he?
00:10:27.000 He would have someone take down everything and hand him a sheaf of paper and he'd like go through all the messages and everything.
00:10:33.000 That's hilarious.
00:10:34.000 Tweet for me!
00:10:35.000 Yeah.
00:10:36.000 I would like to say, you remember when people used to use it like, if you had, you know, at Red Band, it would be, is going to the doctor today.
00:10:46.000 Yeah.
00:10:47.000 You know what I mean?
00:10:48.000 Like, it wasn't direct.
00:10:50.000 It was sort of you were talking about yourself in the third person.
00:10:53.000 That was the way people initially used Twitter. 0.99
00:10:56.000 You know, and I was always like, get the fuck out of here. 0.79
00:10:59.000 I'm not gonna do that. 0.90
00:10:59.000 I'm just gonna just talk normal. 0.90
00:11:00.000 But there was a lot of people that used it, like, at your name, and then, you know, is having a great time at the movies.
00:11:08.000 Like, who?
00:11:08.000 You?
00:11:09.000 Are you having...
00:11:10.000 You can't say I'm...
00:11:10.000 It's fine writing in the conditional, you see.
00:11:12.000 I'm a third-party observer to my own life at all times.
00:11:14.000 I'm narrating myself.
00:11:15.000 Greg is having a good time being here on the Joe Rogan Show at this moment. 1.00
00:11:18.000 And you get fucked if you have too many letters in your little name. 0.99
00:11:24.000 Right. 0.99
00:11:25.000 Because if you have the real Greg Proops Esquire, then your tweets are going to be really short.
00:11:30.000 Harley Moskowitz, the adventurous rabbi.
00:11:33.000 Yeah, I mean, your tweets can be still 140 characters, but no one's going to retweet the whole thing.
00:11:37.000 They're never going to quote tweet it, because they can't.
00:11:40.000 No. 0.99
00:11:40.000 Because your fucking name's too long. 0.99
00:11:45.000 Wow. 0.99
00:11:47.000 The issue I have with all of these things is they're all fun and they're all great and they're all groovy and the reason why I have a career is because there's an internet.
00:11:56.000 I just find that everybody trusts technology too much in so much as the people who make it and the people who are overwatching us, they are not benign. 0.97
00:12:06.000 Whoa, is this some dark overlord type shit? 0.96
00:12:08.000 No, we're not going to go to the room full of 11 men and the Council of Five or nothing like that. 0.99
00:12:12.000 I'm just saying, you know, be mindful of all the stuff you tape.
00:12:16.000 You know, people just tape every intimate moment of their lives and all of a sudden, just like in the movie with Cameron Diaz, you're on the cloud and...
00:12:24.000 No, it's getting worse and worse for me because I've been staying at home a lot more or trying to.
00:12:29.000 And so I have webcams where they're recording me play video games and stuff, and I'll forget that I have that on.
00:12:35.000 And then next thing you know, a day later, I'm sitting there talking and I realize that, oh, I'm just talking.
00:12:42.000 Jamie could just be sitting there listening to me right now.
00:12:45.000 Because it's so easy to do with Xbox Live or all these other programs.
00:12:50.000 Yeah, that's a new thing, and it's going to transition probably into something even more invasive.
00:12:56.000 It's probably going to be like we were saying before, like some sort of a Google Glass thing, like through a ski helmet type situation where, you know, that's what they're working on with that magic leap, right?
00:13:06.000 Wasn't that part of it?
00:13:07.000 Exactly.
00:13:08.000 It was either Magic Leap or one of the other ones that they're working on where they they can spin Objects in the air in front of them and stop them and move them and stretch them out like you could open like Minority Report.
00:13:19.000 You're doing it in the air.
00:13:21.000 Minority Report was on like a screen.
00:13:22.000 Was it a screen?
00:13:23.000 I believe so.
00:13:24.000 Yeah, no screens.
00:13:25.000 You're just doing it in the air.
00:13:27.000 The world becomes your desktop and I think we're talking about two different technologies.
00:13:32.000 I think that The other stuff is the Magic Leap thing.
00:13:38.000 I think it's a different type.
00:13:39.000 Yeah.
00:13:39.000 There's that Sony TV. What is this one?
00:13:42.000 Oh, this is the watch that's on your arm?
00:13:45.000 It's a window.
00:13:46.000 A group of benign people who care about you, who are well-groomed, are thinking right now about your future.
00:13:54.000 Advertisements.
00:13:54.000 Oh, that's so cool.
00:13:57.000 Anytime you have an advertisement for anything that might even be potentially remotely dangerous, those advertisements should all be illegal.
00:14:05.000 I've been watching advertisements lately on late night television.
00:14:11.000 They have all these advertisements about drugs.
00:14:15.000 Like, ask your doctor.
00:14:16.000 All these ask your doctor commercials.
00:14:18.000 And I'm like, these commercials are terrifying.
00:14:20.000 And then when they start listing the side effects, and sometimes the side effects is death or suicide, and you're like, really?
00:14:26.000 Dude, the side effect from this one thing for zits, the entire, I don't know what the medication is, but it was a genuinely disturbing video.
00:14:37.000 Because you know that happy song?
00:14:39.000 Happy!
00:14:41.000 They're only playing like the background music.
00:14:44.000 They don't have the lyrics to the music.
00:14:46.000 They don't have the vocals. 0.99
00:14:47.000 But these two girls are walking and bopping down the street like they're in a fucking music video. 1.00
00:14:51.000 And it's about zits. 1.00
00:14:53.000 And it's about your zits are keeping you from being...
00:14:56.000 So you gotta ask your doctor about this medication that stops your zits. 0.99
00:14:59.000 And then it goes through all the lists of shit you should be careful of. 0.99
00:15:04.000 Including bloody diarrhea. 0.99
00:15:06.000 Oh my goodness! 0.99
00:15:07.000 This is in the fucking commercial. 0.99
00:15:08.000 And they're saying you have to be careful of abdominal cramps because they could be fatal. 0.99
00:15:14.000 You gotta go to your doctor if any of these things happen. 0.99
00:15:17.000 I mean, they run through a fucking laundry list of shit that you have to be worried about. 0.99
00:15:22.000 Where I'm like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. 1.00
00:15:24.000 This is real? 0.99
00:15:25.000 And this is on TV? And they want 13-year-old girls to take it. 0.99
00:15:28.000 And they manipulate you with the dancing and the pretty girls? 1.00
00:15:32.000 This is the shit. 1.00
00:15:33.000 We're not showing this to the rest of the world, right? 1.00
00:15:35.000 What's it called?
00:15:36.000 Onexton?
00:15:37.000 Okay, so it's got these girls. 1.00
00:15:39.000 They're beautiful. 0.99
00:15:41.000 They're fucking flawless. 0.99
00:15:42.000 They don't have a mark on their face. 1.00
00:15:44.000 How come you can't get someone with zits that needs this shit? 1.00
00:15:47.000 Right. 1.00
00:15:47.000 You got these gorgeous model girls, and while they're jogging down the street, this fucking happy song is playing. 1.00
00:15:55.000 Dude, it's dark. 1.00
00:15:57.000 It's dark.
00:15:58.000 Dead eyes.
00:16:00.000 I was going to say, and then an alien comes aboard and takes control of your life.
00:16:04.000 Well, they're showing you the ideal.
00:16:05.000 This is the ideal.
00:16:07.000 Flawless people.
00:16:08.000 But think about what they're selling. 1.00
00:16:10.000 Who the fuck looks like this? 1.00
00:16:12.000 If I take this medication while I look like that girl? 1.00
00:16:15.000 Why do you have that girl? 1.00
00:16:16.000 Why is she so beautiful? 0.94
00:16:17.000 Does she have zit problems? 1.00
00:16:19.000 So why are you using her for this fucking commercial? 1.00
00:16:22.000 That's like showing Lexington Steel in a big penis cream commercial. 1.00
00:16:27.000 No, show a regular dude with a little dick grow a big dick, okay? 1.00
00:16:31.000 You can't show giant dicks. 1.00
00:16:34.000 That guy was born with a giant dick, and it's the same thing here. 1.00
00:16:36.000 Those girls were born flawless. 0.99
00:16:38.000 I mean, that girl has a perfect skin structure, or a bone structure, and beautiful, clear skin, and she's dressed fashionably, and the music is playing great, and her hair's blowing just so in the wind where it looks like a casual summer day. 0.99
00:16:52.000 And you're like, God, if I just took this medication, I could hang with these bitches. 1.00
00:16:56.000 But no, you don't look like anything like them. 1.00
00:16:58.000 It's insane.
00:16:58.000 Everywhere they go, there's models.
00:17:00.000 It's like the world's filled with tens, and you're going down the street bopping to music, and everyone's got a little dog. 1.00
00:17:06.000 Like, what the fuck are you selling? 0.99
00:17:09.000 Oh, and the beautiful backdrop that they were in front of that lovely building and there was woods and whatnot. 0.99
00:17:13.000 There was no rappers anywhere or homeless people.
00:17:16.000 No, no.
00:17:17.000 There's no...
00:17:17.000 It's a fantasy.
00:17:19.000 Yeah, no fat people lost a foot to diabetes, pushed around in a wheelchair asking you for money.
00:17:24.000 What's the expression?
00:17:25.000 Impossible beauty standards, they say? 0.98
00:17:27.000 This cult commercial is one long impossible beauty standard.
00:17:32.000 And it's about something that's, you know... 0.99
00:17:35.000 That fucks with people when you get zits all over your face. 0.99
00:17:37.000 Scary face. 0.99
00:17:38.000 Side effects may include you become an alien with bright red hair.
00:17:43.000 Jamie, see if you can find out where the side effects are.
00:17:46.000 We gotta play it.
00:17:47.000 Because they go on for like a minute. 0.98
00:17:50.000 I mean, the side effects just fucking keep going. 0.90
00:18:05.000 That's not the whole one. 0.99
00:18:06.000 You gotta go before that where it says you could die.
00:18:08.000 Limit your time in the sun?
00:18:12.000 Okay, let's just stop right there and back that up one more time.
00:18:19.000 I want to hear that one more time.
00:18:22.000 Stop use if you develop severe, watery, or bloody diarrhea or severe abdominal cramps, as these may be fatal.
00:18:27.000 Stop.
00:18:28.000 As these may be fatal. 1.00
00:18:29.000 What in the actual fuck? 1.00
00:18:32.000 Not to overuse a term like cray-cray, but seriously, what in the actual fuck? 1.00
00:18:39.000 I was watching that commercial last night on TV during a hunting show. 0.99
00:18:45.000 Okay?
00:18:46.000 I'm watching a show about...
00:18:48.000 Hunting.
00:18:48.000 Wow.
00:18:49.000 And they have this commercial about bloody diarrhea. 1.00
00:18:51.000 And I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:18:53.000 I might have changed channels. 0.99
00:18:54.000 I might be wrong about what I was watching on.
00:18:56.000 But I wasn't wrong about the actual commercial itself being insanity.
00:19:02.000 No.
00:19:02.000 And the visuals and the soundtrack don't match.
00:19:05.000 At that moment when they're talking about Buddy Diarray, she casts a sidelong glance and throws her hood off and gets ready to run. 0.97
00:19:12.000 I don't think we should be so flippant about the influence of these goddamn commercials at all. 0.96
00:19:17.000 I think this is like coercion. 0.99
00:19:20.000 It's like voodoo. 0.87
00:19:22.000 They're brainwashing people.
00:19:24.000 What's the actual number somewhere in the neighborhood with the phone now?
00:19:28.000 It used to be hundreds of ads a day with just walking around on TV. But with the phone, I think it's up to, what, three, five thousand a day or something like that?
00:19:35.000 The ads that you have to make your way through? 0.99
00:19:38.000 There's a lot of fucking ads, man. 0.99
00:19:39.000 And it's all mind-bizending and poisoning, and it has an agenda. 1.00
00:19:42.000 And the agenda is to take money from you and fool you.
00:19:44.000 Well, I don't worry about that when it comes to, like, cars, as long as the cars are safe.
00:19:49.000 Like, make it sexy!
00:19:51.000 New Dodge Viper!
00:19:53.000 I don't mind that.
00:19:54.000 You're gonna coerce me in that way, that's fine. 0.73
00:19:57.000 I do mind it, though, if I might get bloody diarrhea that kills me. 0.86
00:20:01.000 You're coercing me. 0.86
00:20:03.000 Imagine if you're a young girl with zits, and you might have an unfortunate looking face, and you just always felt like you're an outcast, and maybe if my skin was clear, then I wouldn't be scared to go to the gym.
00:20:14.000 You know, maybe those girls at school would be nicer to me, and I'd have, you know, more popular friends. 0.99
00:20:18.000 And you see this fucking commercial. 0.99
00:20:20.000 And the next thing you know, you go into your doctor, and the next thing you know after that, you've got bloody diarrhea and you're dying. 0.99
00:20:24.000 How would you get bloody diarrhea, though?
00:20:27.000 There's only one way.
00:20:28.000 Well, yeah.
00:20:29.000 But it wouldn't be bright, right? 0.98
00:20:30.000 It would be like that black, red diarrhea. 0.77
00:20:32.000 Of course, it would be a diarrhea situation.
00:20:34.000 So an acne medicine is giving you internal bleeding.
00:20:36.000 Well, obviously the FDA approved this, but knew that within a certain group, however what a number is, whatever they feel the number is safe, that many people out of that number, it's okay that they get these things.
00:20:47.000 That's insane.
00:20:48.000 As long as you say consult with your doctor, that probably adheres to some code within the...
00:20:52.000 God, that's one of the most fascinating things about us biologically is the fact that you could take something and it has no effect on you at all.
00:21:02.000 And I can take the same thing and die.
00:21:04.000 Like, you know, things that people are severely allergic to or...
00:21:10.000 Allergic reactions even to medication.
00:21:11.000 I mean, how many times you ever been asked if you're allergic to penicillin?
00:21:14.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:21:14.000 Imagine being the poor bastard that's allergic to penicillin. 0.99
00:21:18.000 Fuck, man. 1.00
00:21:19.000 Like, it could be, you know, one person, nothing. 1.00
00:21:22.000 Guy next to him, he'll die.
00:21:24.000 I'm allergic to penicillin.
00:21:25.000 Are you really?
00:21:26.000 Do you have to wear a little thing?
00:21:26.000 Dude, that's hilarious.
00:21:28.000 And it sucks about being allergic to penicillin is that you're allergic to all the cillins.
00:21:31.000 So like the maca cillins.
00:21:33.000 And those are in other medicines.
00:21:35.000 Yeah.
00:21:36.000 And I get strep throat a lot.
00:21:38.000 Like almost once a year.
00:21:39.000 And so normally you just take penicillin.
00:21:41.000 Dude, I had no idea you were allergic to that.
00:21:43.000 That's wild.
00:21:45.000 Something that's not as effective.
00:21:48.000 How did you find out?
00:21:49.000 Did you take penicillin or did they test you?
00:21:51.000 Yeah, as a kid, I took it and I broke up in this huge rash and stuff like that.
00:21:55.000 Could you breathe?
00:21:57.000 I think I was fine breathing, but it was all over me.
00:22:02.000 It was pretty gross.
00:22:03.000 But it was obvious.
00:22:04.000 It happened within a certain...
00:22:06.000 Oh yeah, it happened immediately.
00:22:07.000 Oh my gosh.
00:22:08.000 Wow!
00:22:09.000 Yeah, that's crazy.
00:22:10.000 But you realize that before penicillin, the casualties in wars and stuff were off the charts.
00:22:17.000 Like, what is it?
00:22:17.000 World War I is when it gets invented?
00:22:19.000 Because the lack of good antibiotics to treat any kind of post-wound infection or any kind of...
00:22:26.000 What terrifies me is how nature's trying to keep up with antibiotics, and they have these MRSA infections that people get, where they're hospitalized for months.
00:22:35.000 I mean, some people, they catch MRSA. MRSA is like medication-resistant staph something or another.
00:22:41.000 I think that's what it stands for.
00:22:42.000 But it's particularly common in surgery cases for some reason.
00:22:51.000 Like people have surgery.
00:22:52.000 What happened?
00:22:53.000 Nothing.
00:22:53.000 I just caught a look at myself on camera and I have Janet Cronenberg water buffalo hair.
00:22:58.000 Someone said in the, what is it, Periscope chat, you have genius hair.
00:23:03.000 Yeah, that's what I'm going for.
00:23:04.000 Mad genius.
00:23:05.000 Genius hair.
00:23:05.000 I mean, it goes with your...
00:23:06.000 Pervy professor.
00:23:07.000 My hours are posted.
00:23:08.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:23:09.000 What the fuck were we just talking about? 0.99
00:23:11.000 Merva. 1.00
00:23:12.000 They're being resistant to antibiotics.
00:23:14.000 Oh, MRSA. MRSA. That scares the shit out of me, that they're trying to get stronger as we make more...
00:23:19.000 I mean, it's almost like there's a war going on. 0.92
00:23:21.000 Like antibacterials.
00:23:22.000 Yeah.
00:23:23.000 Eventually, those won't work.
00:23:25.000 Well, do you know, some people that use them all the time, they get so crazy that they kill all the resistance in their hands to other bacteria. 0.95
00:23:32.000 So they get warts and shit all over their hands.
00:23:35.000 It's like really common for people that become addicted to that stuff. 0.98
00:23:39.000 It's not a bad idea every now and again to give yourself a little antibacterial in the hands.
00:23:44.000 A little of that stuff, that gel that smells like alcohol.
00:23:48.000 It's got to be good for you.
00:23:49.000 It smells like medicine.
00:23:51.000 My friend went over and looked at a house and inside the house was a closet full of the stuff.
00:23:55.000 What?
00:23:56.000 Yeah.
00:23:56.000 They were gonna buy this house.
00:23:57.000 They went and looked in the house and they opened this door and there was a fucking closet filled with hand sanitizer. 0.99
00:24:04.000 Just bottles and bottles and bottles and bottles. 0.99
00:24:06.000 Like a crazy person was terrified of running out of hand sanitizer.
00:24:10.000 It's been a godsend for germaphobes.
00:24:13.000 Yeah, everyone is an anal germaphobe loves it because they just they're every two seconds I've known some people and they're always you know That's a psychological thing right right it's like ODD or what are they called OCD yeah OCD not ODD so don't you think that that almost like fuels it like having That's what I mean.
00:24:31.000 It's absolutely being validated that the thing you're afraid of is true.
00:24:35.000 You know, I'm afraid of touching anything or touching anything.
00:24:37.000 Like, when I do my podcast, I talk to everyone in the audience before the show for a while, and I shake everybody's hand, so I'm communicating whatever disease anyone's giving me to everyone.
00:24:46.000 And I don't use hand sanitizer.
00:24:48.000 I'll go in the dressing room and wash my hands after that, and then start the show.
00:24:52.000 But...
00:24:53.000 We all have to take that chance.
00:24:55.000 We're all humans and live with each other.
00:24:56.000 I think it's good for your immune system, too.
00:24:58.000 I do, too.
00:24:58.000 I've never gotten sick from it, and I'm never...
00:25:01.000 Nothing bad.
00:25:02.000 You don't go licking your hands, though, right?
00:25:03.000 Like I say, I wash my hands after the show.
00:25:06.000 I do not pleasure myself or dance around or make a taco or anything like that.
00:25:10.000 But how bizarre is it that this is a concern?
00:25:11.000 Just think about the actual existence.
00:25:13.000 Of human beings.
00:25:14.000 How bizarre is it that there's a concern that you might get an organism that's attached to another person, and that organism will threaten the very ecosystem that your life depends on.
00:25:27.000 That's real.
00:25:28.000 Like, that's how people get colds.
00:25:29.000 You're rubbing up against an organism, you get it in your body because it came off of someone else's body, and it may or may not kill you.
00:25:37.000 You know, like the flu?
00:25:39.000 How many times have you shaken all these hands after a show and then fingered a girl without washing your hands and now that is inside of her?
00:25:46.000 I mean, that goes without saying.
00:25:48.000 I think everyone can relate to that, Brian.
00:25:51.000 I always wash my hands after shows.
00:25:53.000 Yeah, I wash my hands too.
00:25:54.000 And also, I don't think about it that much, but now that we're on the subject...
00:25:59.000 The microphone never gets cleaned off.
00:26:01.000 At a gym, you would never touch equipment that didn't occasionally get something wiped over.
00:26:05.000 Especially with your face, you kind of kiss it sometimes.
00:26:06.000 How many times do you accidentally put your mouth on it? 1.00
00:26:09.000 Or you're making a sound effect and you're fucking... 1.00
00:26:11.000 Yeah, you're sucking on who knows whose face. 1.00
00:26:14.000 I get it all up in the mic all the time and you'll... 0.99
00:26:16.000 They don't sterilize that thing. 0.99
00:26:19.000 They never touch them with alcohol, and really they should, now that I think about it, maybe I'll go Todd Glass on everyone and have them change the lighting and sterilize the things.
00:26:27.000 Well, I think worst case scenario is these things, these foam things.
00:26:31.000 Right, because this is just a receptacle. 0.99
00:26:32.000 We're spitting into that fucking thing, and there's like growing all kinds of weird funky shit. 0.99
00:26:37.000 I bet if we had a microphone and we looked at what's actually going on in the foam of this microphone, I'd be fucking terrified. 1.00
00:26:43.000 Oh, yeah.
00:26:43.000 It'd be like the clouds of Venus or whatever.
00:26:45.000 There'd be every manner of thing growing in there.
00:26:46.000 It'd be pretty cool taking all that DNA, though.
00:26:48.000 You know how many people have talked into that microphone?
00:26:50.000 We have David Lee Rock DNA. You've got a Hall of Fame in here, man.
00:26:53.000 I wonder, how long does that stick around?
00:26:56.000 I don't know.
00:26:57.000 Forever.
00:26:58.000 Forever, man.
00:26:59.000 It's like the internet.
00:27:00.000 Forever, man.
00:27:00.000 I think for spit, it's got to be pretty fresh.
00:27:04.000 You can't use a hundred-year-old spit.
00:27:06.000 If somebody sucked on a flute a hundred years ago, I really doubt they'd be able to get some DNA off that.
00:27:11.000 That's a good question, and I can't answer it, but off what you're just saying, I was in Philly a year or two ago, and I went to Independence Hall, right?
00:27:20.000 And they got the...
00:27:21.000 Several drafts of the Declaration of Independence, like the pre-drafts before the one that we all know.
00:27:27.000 And it says on the explanation on the wall, Benjamin Franklin and George Washington is sweat and DNA is all over this.
00:27:37.000 Because they were like this over it with pens writing.
00:27:39.000 So I wonder if this bit lasts, because according to this, it's like...
00:27:45.000 Them touching it and their hair landing on it and them sweating on it was enough to you could extract.
00:27:51.000 It's definitely DNA in the future if it hasn't been created yet.
00:27:54.000 Right.
00:27:55.000 If we can't pick it up now.
00:27:56.000 Right.
00:27:57.000 I mean, whether it would be a whole readout of a, you know, a complete...
00:28:19.000 Poor wiping techniques.
00:28:23.000 Oh yeah, no hygiene.
00:28:25.000 The thing I think about when you look at old...
00:28:26.000 They didn't even brush.
00:28:27.000 No, the thing about old paintings is, you know, that someone's...
00:28:32.000 You know, the physical act of...
00:28:34.000 That's always the...
00:28:35.000 To me, that brings the past back instantly, because it's like the genuine article.
00:28:40.000 If someone made a painting 500 years ago, like you see a da Vinci or something, he certainly went...
00:28:45.000 You know right and had paint on his face and and touched with his hands and put the brushes and You know got up to it and stood back from it and you know You're seeing the completed article, but the process that went into it is like any plastic art Yeah, isn't it the immediacy of them making it? 0.90
00:29:03.000 It's kind of fascinating how once you give something a name like DNA Yeah, and it becomes a normal part of your discussion it you you kind of forget How crazy just being able to lick something and leave fucking DNA is.
00:29:21.000 The idea that you're a stamp, like you're sending a bill, and you lick it, and you seal that stamp. 0.99
00:29:28.000 That has your fucking genetic markers on it. 0.99
00:29:31.000 And they can identify you really well, like down to like in the high 90s, right? 1.00
00:29:37.000 It's like not 100, but... 1.00
00:29:39.000 We know it's you, bitch. 1.00
00:29:41.000 And they take these fucking, these saliva samples and all sorts of different samples they can get DNA off of. 1.00
00:29:47.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:29:48.000 Skin, hair.
00:29:48.000 But did you hear that?
00:29:49.000 No, but here's the hair thing. 1.00
00:29:51.000 Did you hear that the hair science, like there's a good percentage of it is bullshit? 0.99
00:29:55.000 Yep. 0.99
00:29:56.000 It was actually invented by the FBI and responsible for hundreds of convictions. 0.97
00:30:02.000 Where the doctors, like, wore a fucking lab coat and said, without a doubt, 100% of these came from the same person. 0.97
00:30:09.000 Hundreds. 0.98
00:30:09.000 And it goes back 20 years since they started the program. 0.98
00:30:11.000 I read about it last week.
00:30:12.000 It's scandalous.
00:30:14.000 It's not just scandalous, it's horrific.
00:30:16.000 Yeah, it is.
00:30:17.000 People were put to death.
00:30:18.000 Yeah, they were. 0.99
00:30:18.000 People were put to death for crimes who the fuck knows if they were guilty or weren't guilty. 0.99
00:30:24.000 But if the tipping point was this hair thing, that's gotta be murder, right? 0.99
00:30:30.000 Right.
00:30:31.000 It is murder.
00:30:32.000 It's the state murdering people.
00:30:33.000 That's murder.
00:30:34.000 Why can't we charge them with murder?
00:30:36.000 Do you think anything will come of this? 0.99
00:30:38.000 I think it's a shitstorm. 0.70
00:30:40.000 It went away right after I first saw it.
00:30:42.000 But that's definitely the kind of thing you have hearings about, I think.
00:30:46.000 You know what, man?
00:30:47.000 Funding for programs, things like that.
00:30:48.000 There's a fundamental, huge flaw in the system. 0.98
00:30:51.000 And the fucking fundamental flaw of the justice system is there's winning and losing. 0.99
00:30:57.000 And when people get involved in winning and losing, they cheat, they lie, they steal. 0.99
00:31:02.000 They want to win, because winning becomes more important than anything else.
00:31:06.000 Especially the good guys, because the good guys want to win. 0.88
00:31:09.000 Winning becomes more important than even justice and truth, because along the way, they develop this attitude, like, look, if I'm going after them, they're already fucking guilty of something else. 0.71
00:31:20.000 I know who's guilty. 0.75
00:31:23.000 Especially when they're dealing with like young kids that might have fucked up a few times in a juvenile home or went to jail like they'll they will literally cause crimes like Give people Sentences that they don't deserve lock them up with fucking planted evidence like this is not it's not an Uncommon thing that only existed in a movie and if we saw it in real life we'd like right if we saw someone planting a gun on a murder suspect or a murder victim and We wouldn't even think twice. 0.90
00:31:52.000 We were like, of course they did it. 0.82
00:31:53.000 These people do this sometimes.
00:31:56.000 And everyone who becomes a cop is just...
00:31:57.000 The one thing that everyone who becomes a cop has in common is they're all people.
00:32:02.000 That's the one thing. 0.99
00:32:03.000 So that alone would let you believe that most people should never be fucking cops. 1.00
00:32:09.000 The vast majority of people should never be fucking cops. 0.99
00:32:13.000 You couldn't be trusted with that kind of responsibility. 1.00
00:32:14.000 No way!
00:32:15.000 That kind of power...
00:32:16.000 And then when it gets abused, like, you know, now we've seen, you know, the last six months, the last two days, the police state, the overfunding, the militarization, the absolute lack of code when it comes to black people or the underclass,
00:32:32.000 and then it just piles up, you know.
00:32:34.000 Now we see it, though, more and more, and now we're highly, keenly tuned into it, especially since Walter Scott got aced on videophone horribly a couple of weeks ago.
00:32:44.000 What is that?
00:32:45.000 The guy in, which town was it in?
00:32:48.000 Walter Scott.
00:32:49.000 Remember, it's on the video.
00:32:50.000 You see the cop put a bunch of slugs in the guy who got shot and was running away from him. 1.00
00:32:54.000 That poor son of a bitch. 1.00
00:32:54.000 Yeah, that poor fellow. 1.00
00:32:55.000 Oh, God.
00:32:56.000 So, like, now we're real acutely aware that cops, like you say, are people.
00:33:01.000 And panic, shoot, people go crazy.
00:33:03.000 The views of their situation they're in.
00:33:05.000 They develop personal animosity for this person they're trying to take out because it becomes a competition.
00:33:09.000 It becomes a competition of arresting them, then it becomes a competition of convicting them.
00:33:13.000 It becomes us against them. 1.00
00:33:15.000 And even if you're a great guy and you're the perfect guy for being a cop, you always have to be on guard of some fucking asshole trying to shoot you or jumping on you and punching you. 1.00
00:33:25.000 When you're arresting people, you have to always be on your... 0.99
00:33:28.000 Complete red alert because we've all seen those videos of cops that were like pulling people over and then they got shot or pulling people over. 0.98
00:33:36.000 Have you seen the one where the woman pulls the guy over and the guy beats the shit out of the woman in front of his daughter and his daughter screams, stop daddy, stop! 0.97
00:33:43.000 He knocks her out and beats the shit out of her when she's unconscious. 1.00
00:33:47.000 Holy cow. 1.00
00:33:47.000 It's horrific. 1.00
00:33:48.000 It just shows you, first of all, you can't have a lone woman by herself in that scenario.
00:33:54.000 I mean, everyone wants to believe in equal rights and There's no physical equality that just doesn't exist.
00:34:01.000 And if you're going to be a woman and you're going to be in a situation where you have to arrest a big physical man, you can't let them get anywhere near you, ever.
00:34:08.000 You can't let them get anywhere near you.
00:34:09.000 You have to make sure that everybody that's around you, whether it's other cops, they know what's going on, they know where you are right now. 0.87
00:34:18.000 Because it's highly likely that this guy's going to make an irrational decision to just beat the fuck out of you.
00:34:23.000 And if you don't get to your gun in time, you're done. 0.92
00:34:26.000 And that's the case with men, too.
00:34:28.000 So those men have to constantly be worried about it.
00:34:30.000 They have to constantly... 0.97
00:34:31.000 So they're always fucking freaking out and tense. 0.92
00:34:35.000 It's almost a job that no one can do. 0.88
00:34:38.000 Well, how do you do it every day and measure the justice every day? 0.96
00:34:42.000 And then when you see how shit the system is and when you see how even the people you're arresting have to live amongst, their life's not so hot. 0.98
00:34:50.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:34:50.000 Oh, the people you're arresting, you feel sorry for them. 0.99
00:34:52.000 You're at both ends of the spectrum because on the one hand, like when you saw that Ferguson report, the mandate from the city was you go out and you get those fines because that's how we generate income in this town.
00:35:03.000 You go out and arrest people, you pull people over for license plates, lights, Any old minor for being black, just whatever.
00:35:09.000 You just make that happen.
00:35:10.000 And so in the report it said they were getting pressure to be those kind of cops that had to just...
00:35:15.000 Minor infractions were how the city was making its money.
00:35:18.000 God, that's so crazy.
00:35:19.000 Right?
00:35:20.000 So that's a complete inversion of how we perceive what the police are supposed to do because we're paying the taxes, blah, blah, blah.
00:35:26.000 It's glorified revenue collecting.
00:35:28.000 Right?
00:35:29.000 But that puts something on them that they didn't sign up for.
00:35:32.000 You know what I mean?
00:35:33.000 Like...
00:35:34.000 When the troops have to defend money, positions, and interests for our country, that's when I get huffy.
00:35:40.000 People are like, you should be for the troops.
00:35:42.000 I'm like, I'm all for the troops. 0.99
00:35:43.000 You put them in poisonous danger with shit that's not tested or no body armor or poorly armored vehicles that get blown up by IEDs and stuff, and that's our fault. 0.99
00:35:54.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:35:55.000 That's the government being malfeasant and not protecting the people.
00:35:59.000 It's asking them to do something.
00:36:01.000 That's more than you signed up for.
00:36:02.000 Now imagine if the cops, the soldiers rather, also had to write tickets.
00:36:06.000 They had to collect money from insurgents.
00:36:08.000 In essence they do, right?
00:36:09.000 In essence they do, but can you imagine if they were put into that situation where not only did they have to go and fight wars, but they also had to ticket these people.
00:36:17.000 Pull over you.
00:36:18.000 Look, once it happens, then that's what it is.
00:36:22.000 And that's the problem with cops.
00:36:23.000 We can't think of a time where a cop wouldn't be writing speeding tickets. 0.99
00:36:27.000 But it's fucking ridiculous you're making a cop do that. 0.96
00:36:29.000 Either someone's violating the law, which means they need to be brought into jail, or it's not that big a deal. 0.99
00:36:35.000 It's one or the other.
00:36:36.000 It's one or the other.
00:36:37.000 You can't just take money from people because they touch the gas pedal a little too hard.
00:36:42.000 But they do.
00:36:42.000 And parking fines?
00:36:43.000 I mean, LA, you know.
00:36:44.000 I lived in San Francisco.
00:36:46.000 And London.
00:36:46.000 The three places I've lived.
00:36:47.000 And parking is, you know, that's the whole income of the city.
00:36:51.000 Yeah.
00:36:52.000 Yeah, parking's giant.
00:36:53.000 If they made free parking, they didn't write out parking tickets. 0.99
00:36:55.000 And then, you know, they can make a little bit of money from the change, but they bank on you fucking up. 0.98
00:36:59.000 Oh, yeah, they do. 0.97
00:37:00.000 What is it, 60 bucks to go over the meter?
00:37:02.000 60. In Hollywood it is.
00:37:04.000 60, and then if you don't pay it in like two weeks, it immediately jumps to like 150. You don't pay that for like a week that goes to like 300. We used to throw them in our glove box.
00:37:12.000 For parking your fucking car! 1.00
00:37:14.000 Before that happened, when I lived in San Francisco, I had a crappy Chevy Vega that you had to put two quarts of oil in every day. 1.00
00:37:22.000 Nothing worked, but...
00:37:24.000 I must have got a thousand tickets the first year I lived in San Francisco.
00:37:27.000 And I threw them all in the glove box.
00:37:29.000 And finally a bench warrant was issued and I had to go up here in front of a judge.
00:37:33.000 And at that point, this is like 1980, it was like $1,500 worth of $5 tickets, right?
00:37:40.000 Wow.
00:37:40.000 And she went like, what is your problem?
00:37:43.000 And I went, I'm sorry, Your Honor.
00:37:45.000 She goes, well, what are you going to do?
00:37:46.000 And I'm like, I don't know, I don't have any money.
00:37:48.000 She went, $450, get out of here. 0.99
00:37:52.000 Wow.
00:37:53.000 I think I paid it over a couple months.
00:37:55.000 I didn't even have $450.
00:37:58.000 My car got booted once.
00:38:00.000 Got booted because I didn't pay the tickets.
00:38:02.000 Parking tickets?
00:38:03.000 Yeah.
00:38:03.000 Did you have to call someone to come unbooted?
00:38:05.000 I think I had to go somewhere and pay some money.
00:38:08.000 It was a long time ago.
00:38:10.000 It was in the 90s.
00:38:11.000 I remember it was in LA. I got the boot.
00:38:14.000 In London, they'd take the car up and put it on a truck and take it away.
00:38:18.000 Wow. 1.00
00:38:18.000 Whoa, assholes. 1.00
00:38:20.000 You can't just take someone's car because they owe you money. 1.00
00:38:23.000 A car's worth way more than a fucking parking ticket. 0.99
00:38:25.000 Yeah, it's astounding. 0.97
00:38:27.000 I found out the other day, I was going through my mail, and I had almost thrown it away, that I guess when I was in San Diego, I went on one of those highways that I guess was a toll road, but they don't even tell you, or they might have told you, but it's real easy to just get on and get off and not even know you're on it.
00:38:41.000 They take a picture of your license.
00:38:43.000 Yeah, and it's like you didn't pay.
00:38:44.000 And I didn't even know about it.
00:38:46.000 And I owe it a lot of money because I didn't...
00:38:50.000 So you did it a bunch of times?
00:38:51.000 How much?
00:38:51.000 I forget now.
00:38:52.000 It's because it was like two months old or three months old or something like that.
00:38:56.000 Oh, so it kept going up again?
00:38:58.000 Yeah.
00:38:58.000 Oh, that goes up too?
00:38:59.000 Yeah.
00:39:00.000 I got one through Illinois after Christmas.
00:39:02.000 I did a gig in Bloomington or somewhere.
00:39:04.000 And I went on a toll road and I was like, did I pay?
00:39:07.000 You know, I just went through a thing and went like, was I supposed to stop?
00:39:11.000 Because there was no people manning this thing.
00:39:13.000 That's a trick.
00:39:14.000 There was no people manning it. 0.98
00:39:16.000 I can see there were lanes where people had discs and I thought, oh shit, as soon as I went through it. 0.93
00:39:21.000 And sure enough, a week later, my wife goes, when were you in Carbondale, Illinois? 0.86
00:39:27.000 And I went, I was driving from Chicago and I drove on a tour.
00:39:32.000 And she's like, well it's $25 or whatever.
00:39:35.000 Yeah, that's that thing where they used to do where you go through a red light and they would take a picture of your license plate.
00:39:41.000 Isn't that illegal now?
00:39:42.000 Yeah, that was deemed illegal.
00:39:44.000 Wow, they still use it in West Hollywood and stuff.
00:39:47.000 Do they still use it?
00:39:48.000 Yeah.
00:39:48.000 I see them the other day.
00:39:49.000 I don't know if they use them, though.
00:39:52.000 I don't know if they still write tickets, because I'm pretty sure they deemed that unconstitutional.
00:39:57.000 Yeah, they did.
00:39:57.000 Because it was a third party that was profiting off of it.
00:39:59.000 It was a private company.
00:40:01.000 So, like, you really didn't have to pay those tickets.
00:40:03.000 Like, when you would get one of those tickets and it would say, you ran a red light, we won a hundred bucks, like, they were getting the money. 0.99
00:40:08.000 Like, the money wasn't going to the state, and everybody's like, hey, what the fuck are you doing?
00:40:13.000 Like, you can't have a private company that also profits from it. 0.71
00:40:16.000 I mean, the state must have gotten a piece of the action.
00:40:18.000 Sure, but it was easier for them to just farm it out.
00:40:21.000 Well, I mean, prisons are privatized.
00:40:22.000 That's why there's a million, billion, zillion people in prison in this country.
00:40:26.000 It's not because that many people have done anything worthy of being in prison.
00:40:29.000 Yeah, it will end a function of that whole system where someone's a winner and someone's a loser.
00:40:33.000 Like when you see people win, when they win in court and they find not guilty, yes!
00:40:38.000 And that's like the three-pointer of all three-pointers.
00:40:40.000 You know, if you're about to go to jail and you're like, remember when O.J. Simpson, when they said not guilty?
00:40:45.000 And he was like, really?
00:40:46.000 Jesus.
00:40:46.000 Really?
00:40:47.000 Wow.
00:40:48.000 Really?
00:40:49.000 You can see that look on his face?
00:40:51.000 That guy, I mean, he was trying to play poker, but he hit the lottery.
00:40:55.000 He knew it.
00:40:56.000 He won.
00:40:57.000 Three-pointer.
00:40:58.000 Swish.
00:40:59.000 Nothing but net.
00:41:00.000 Home run.
00:41:01.000 Over the building.
00:41:02.000 Into the parking lot.
00:41:03.000 Breaking car windows!
00:41:05.000 I mean, he won, right?
00:41:07.000 You can't have winners and losers when it comes to laws in court.
00:41:10.000 That's just too crazy.
00:41:12.000 That's weird that he didn't just hide after that.
00:41:14.000 Like, it was such a huge win that why would you even, wouldn't you just, like, not leave the house for the rest of your life?
00:41:20.000 No, he didn't want, I mean, I think he didn't want anybody to think that he was guilty.
00:41:24.000 He's in jail now, isn't he?
00:41:25.000 He's in jail now for assorted felonies.
00:41:28.000 Well, he's in jail now for, I think they called it kidnapping and something along those lines, armed something.
00:41:35.000 But that was the caper in Vegas, right?
00:41:37.000 That was a thing in Vegas where he was a victim of someone taking his stuff and selling it.
00:41:42.000 Like, some of his memorabilia got sold by this guy and he wanted to get his stuff back, so he brought some dudes who brought some guns.
00:41:49.000 Ah. 0.79
00:41:50.000 And as soon as that's the case, you're fucksville. 0.97
00:41:53.000 Yeah. 0.94
00:41:53.000 And the government came in and they go, dude, we've been looking for an excuse to put you away. 0.94
00:41:58.000 Yeah.
00:41:58.000 And so they just locked him up.
00:42:00.000 He's fucked. 1.00
00:42:01.000 It's like you say. 1.00
00:42:02.000 My wife and I always say it like when...
00:42:04.000 You know how Hollywood is so, especially young actresses, they get all drugged up, they go crazy, the next thing you know you see a picture of them, and then they're in the street upside down, and then they stay here.
00:42:16.000 Or maybe they go to rehab for a month, and we always go, move to France.
00:42:21.000 Move somewhere where they'll appreciate you.
00:42:23.000 You're still a star in Europe or whatever, no matter what.
00:42:25.000 And other countries, they don't look at it the same way.
00:42:28.000 But why stay here under the scrutiny of TMZ and all the people who you know?
00:42:32.000 Because they don't speak French. 1.00
00:42:33.000 That fucking Rosetta Stone is a pain in the ass. 1.00
00:42:36.000 If you want to really learn French, it takes too long. 1.00
00:42:38.000 They're lazy. 1.00
00:42:39.000 They want to do coke and get fucked. 1.00
00:42:42.000 Yeah, they are lazy. 1.00
00:42:44.000 I'm like, when Michael Jackson, when they shit at the fan, he like stayed and said, you know, and you think, He went to another country, man. 0.98
00:42:50.000 He did. 0.92
00:42:52.000 Which was like, wait, what?
00:42:54.000 Which is really weird, because you're going to a slave state, dictatorship, you know, emirate that's run by royal people who have, there's no, like, you know, democracy.
00:43:06.000 Like, what was the idea there?
00:43:08.000 No one gets to vote. 0.99
00:43:09.000 Why the fuck would he move there? 0.99
00:43:10.000 Because he could be protected by rich people that he felt safe. 0.99
00:43:14.000 That must be, right? 1.00
00:43:15.000 That must have been when all the legal shit was hitting the fan. 1.00
00:43:17.000 It's a wall of rich people. 1.00
00:43:18.000 God, that's terrifying.
00:43:20.000 Michael, we will have your back.
00:43:22.000 My joke was he's staying at the I'm Inside a Boy Hotel. 1.00
00:43:26.000 Ah, you son of a bitch. 1.00
00:43:29.000 Now I just feel bad about him, you know? 1.00
00:43:30.000 I watch the videos sometimes and think, God damn, he really was the fucking gifted, you know? 0.98
00:43:36.000 Oh, yeah, but I mean, how about the fact that he was made a star when he was a young, young, young boy? 0.99
00:43:42.000 Of course it does.
00:43:43.000 It's impossible.
00:43:44.000 You can't go through life learning about the trials and tribulations of being a human being amongst other human beings on earth if you never feel like you're one with all those people around you.
00:43:54.000 No.
00:43:55.000 And he doesn't show business from five.
00:43:57.000 Cry on all that money, man.
00:43:58.000 Boo-hoo. 1.00
00:44:00.000 Well, I feel about him the same way I feel about...
00:44:02.000 Have you seen that video of those young kids in Baltimore that robbed the RT camera crew?
00:44:06.000 They robbed them on camera while all this rioting was going on?
00:44:10.000 Dude...
00:44:11.000 Have you seen it?
00:44:13.000 No.
00:44:13.000 You gotta play this.
00:44:14.000 We gotta play this. 1.00
00:44:15.000 These guys from RT, first of all, those people from RT, that's where Abby Martin started out, and they have fucking balls. 0.99
00:44:23.000 I mean, people dismiss RT because it's Russian-owned, but their reporters do some ballsy fucking shit, and they were there while all the protests were going on for the young man. 0.99
00:44:34.000 What is Freddie? 0.99
00:44:35.000 What was his name?
00:44:37.000 Ray, was it?
00:44:37.000 Freddie Gray, is that it?
00:44:38.000 Ray, was it?
00:44:39.000 I can't remember.
00:44:40.000 I don't remember that.
00:44:41.000 It was a young man that was in police custody, and there was some discrepancy of how he died, and he died from trauma, and they think that the police beat this guy to death.
00:44:53.000 So there's this huge, huge backlash, because people can only see so many black dudes get shot by cops, or choked by cops, or beaten by cops, or shot Running away, unarmed.
00:45:07.000 They can only see so much of that. 0.93
00:45:09.000 And now they've hit this breaking point.
00:45:11.000 I hope so.
00:45:11.000 I hope this changes things.
00:45:13.000 It's got to.
00:45:14.000 It's been rolling on since Eric Garner. 0.99
00:45:16.000 What's been rolling on since the fucking beginning of this time? 1.00
00:45:18.000 No shit. 0.99
00:45:21.000 But everybody who wants there to be no crime, you've got to think about... 1.00
00:45:27.000 We will all sympathize with poor Michael Jackson, born to this crazy family of... 0.88
00:45:33.000 Mm-hmm.
00:45:49.000 That babies are growing up.
00:45:50.000 And it's not all babies.
00:45:51.000 It's not all poor people.
00:45:53.000 But we're not talking just poor.
00:45:55.000 We're talking poor that are surrounded by desperate people.
00:45:58.000 Poor that are surrounded by people that have grown up doing crime.
00:46:03.000 Like, their whole life has been about crime.
00:46:05.000 Everyone around them is involved in crime.
00:46:07.000 You're going to run into those people occasionally, where a good percentage of their family is in and out of jail, where it seems normal.
00:46:13.000 It seems rational.
00:46:15.000 How about that person?
00:46:17.000 How about that person when she's got to go to college when she's 18? 0.98
00:46:21.000 What fucking horrific PTSD does she have from growing up in the worst sections of Compton or Inglewood or Watts? 0.89
00:46:29.000 That's why education is more important to spend on than law enforcement, but they don't. 0.98
00:46:33.000 What's even more intense than that, it has to be taken to a totally different place. 0.98
00:46:38.000 Because it's not education in terms of like, come in, sit down, we're going to teach you about George Washington and his fucking cherry tree. 0.86
00:46:45.000 It's got to be this completely invasive, supportive system that eliminates ghettos. 1.00
00:46:52.000 You have to eliminate them.
00:46:54.000 If you don't eliminate ghettos, and I don't mean make it so that they gentrify it, no one can afford living in it, because that's how they eliminate ghettos in Brooklyn. 1.00
00:47:00.000 I was going to say, it's There's been plenty of ghettos eliminated in a lot of towns I've lived in. 1.00
00:47:05.000 New York City has a huge problem with that.
00:47:07.000 San Francisco. 0.99
00:47:08.000 Because New York, there's so much, the real estate is worth so much that they could just come in and there's an apartment building that's like old and shitty. 0.92
00:47:16.000 That space is worth ungodly amounts of money.
00:47:19.000 If they can convert it to high-end apartments, they'll just disappear just like that.
00:47:23.000 Oh no, and then people are gone.
00:47:24.000 No, you mean improved neighborhoods where people live.
00:47:27.000 Having things like parks and resources.
00:47:29.000 All the above.
00:47:31.000 Counseling, community centers.
00:47:34.000 And even then, how do you penetrate the home?
00:47:39.000 How do you stop horrific childhoods from emerging?
00:47:43.000 But as human beings, what are we?
00:47:47.000 We're essentially...
00:47:48.000 This giant community of people that denies it's a community.
00:47:52.000 We have all these methods that we use to keep ourselves apart from each other, whether it's Republican or Democrat or Islamic or Jewish, all these little teams that we choose to. 0.94
00:48:03.000 But at the end of the day, we're all just one giant race, one superorganism.
00:48:10.000 That's it.
00:48:11.000 And anything that's counter to that, anything that's counterintuitive to that idea is unhealthy for us.
00:48:17.000 Well, what's counterintuitive?
00:48:18.000 Ignore the worst spots.
00:48:21.000 Ignore it and get angry at them.
00:48:23.000 Ignore your cancer that you have in the biological fiber of your being.
00:48:30.000 Ignore that and get angry at it for being that way. 0.92
00:48:32.000 Well, why don't you pull yourself up by your bootstraps there, staph infection, you know?
00:48:37.000 I mean, imagine if that's how you looked at, like, a broken ankle. 1.00
00:48:40.000 You fucking pussy! 1.00
00:48:41.000 You look down at your broken ankle. 1.00
00:48:43.000 How about, you know, I'm looking for the left ankle.
00:48:44.000 Left ankle's fine. 0.99
00:48:45.000 Left ankle's doing the same fucking roads you walk. 0.99
00:48:48.000 It's actually a perfect analogy. 0.99
00:48:49.000 Yeah, it is. 0.99
00:48:49.000 If you're running and you break one ankle, you know, does the good ankle go, what, bitch? 0.99
00:48:53.000 I fucking did the same road. 1.00
00:48:55.000 Nothing happened to me. 0.98
00:48:56.000 This is not how it works.
00:48:58.000 As a superorganism, you can't have places like this scene in Baltimore.
00:49:03.000 Did you find the video? 0.91
00:49:04.000 Watch this video, because you're going to freak the fuck out.
00:49:07.000 Because, let's play, give it a little volume, hopefully, RT. So these guys, look at this. 0.73
00:49:16.000 Fuck them! 1.00
00:49:20.000 Fuck them! 1.00
00:49:22.000 Fuck them! 1.00
00:49:24.000 Fuck them! 1.00
00:49:26.000 Fuck them! 1.00
00:49:39.000 So now you see these guys running. 1.00
00:49:46.000 He stole her bag and the cops tackled this guy and took the bag back.
00:49:57.000 So the cops saved her.
00:49:59.000 How ironic.
00:50:00.000 Wow, right?
00:50:01.000 How crazy.
00:50:02.000 Everything in play.
00:50:04.000 Wow. 1.00
00:50:05.000 This video highlights a lot of shit. 1.00
00:50:09.000 Doesn't it? 1.00
00:50:10.000 And it illuminates why you fucking need police, okay? 0.99
00:50:14.000 There you go. 1.00
00:50:14.000 You just saw why you fucking need police. 1.00
00:50:17.000 You got your bag back. 1.00
00:50:18.000 Why?
00:50:19.000 Because the police...
00:50:21.000 Caught the guy who robbed you on air.
00:50:25.000 Such a good ending.
00:50:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:50:27.000 Damn. 1.00
00:50:27.000 I mean, it's a great ending for the police. 1.00
00:50:28.000 That's like a fucking... 0.99
00:50:29.000 You would have to think that might be like a viral video. 1.00
00:50:31.000 Yeah.
00:50:32.000 You know, you might have to think, like, if the police were smart, that's like the kind of video you pull out. 0.93
00:50:36.000 Have this really super ultra-liberal progressive chick getting robbed by black dudes and then screaming, give me back my bag! 1.00
00:50:43.000 She doesn't once drop an N-bomb. 1.00
00:50:46.000 She's not, my cell phone's in there, you nigger! 1.00
00:50:48.000 You know, she doesn't... 0.99
00:50:50.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:50:51.000 Like, she's super progressive, probably, really smart, you know, brave journalist going in there, and she gets saved by cops. 0.92
00:50:59.000 It's crazy.
00:51:00.000 That's pretty crazy.
00:51:01.000 I think you're right, though.
00:51:03.000 Letting the sickness of poverty just go on and on. 0.97
00:51:06.000 Sick.
00:51:06.000 In a country where we really do have the money to save everything.
00:51:09.000 That's real racism.
00:51:11.000 That's real. 0.85
00:51:11.000 And it's not just racist to black people. 0.85
00:51:14.000 It's racist to a gang of different ethnicities that are just completely ignored.
00:51:19.000 How about poor Asian communities?
00:51:20.000 There's a lot of, like, ultra-poor Asian immigrant communities in this country.
00:51:24.000 Ignored.
00:51:25.000 Ignored.
00:51:26.000 Figure it out.
00:51:27.000 Figure it out.
00:51:27.000 You're on your own.
00:51:28.000 Yeah.
00:51:28.000 And I don't even know what the solution would be.
00:51:30.000 But I think there's a big part of the prison system that's ingrained in these bad neighborhoods.
00:51:36.000 If you're looking at a bad neighborhood that's just...
00:51:39.000 Crime has always been there, okay?
00:51:41.000 So that means police activity has always been there.
00:51:45.000 So then it becomes like this symbiotic relationship between police activity and crime.
00:51:50.000 And there's no incentive whatsoever to try to slow it down, other than cops dying.
00:51:54.000 When cops get shot and killed on the job, that's like when a big push to settle crime down.
00:52:00.000 And usually it's just more arrests.
00:52:02.000 No one looks at the inherent issue. 0.93
00:52:05.000 There's a giant issue that this winning and losing shit of arresting people and punishing them and trying them and They found guilty or not guilty, and a yes or a no, and a green or a red. 0.96
00:52:18.000 It becomes a game. 0.98
00:52:20.000 And that game, no one in that game wants the game to stop.
00:52:24.000 Well, it's for profit, because the prison system's for profit.
00:52:28.000 And then on top of it, there's no equity at all.
00:52:31.000 All the bankers, you know, to make a huge analogy, all the bankers and everyone who ruined the economy and everything, none of them did any time, and no one ever laid a hand on them.
00:52:39.000 But people who commit small crimes and petty crimes are always getting busted and thrown in.
00:52:44.000 Ian Edwards has a brilliant joke about that.
00:52:46.000 He has a brilliant joke about that.
00:52:47.000 I don't want to give it away.
00:52:48.000 I can't even say the punchline, but he's got a brilliant joke about comparing thugs to bankers. 0.98
00:52:53.000 It's fucking hilarious. 0.99
00:52:54.000 My joke is, no black teenager ever ruined the economy on me. 1.00
00:52:58.000 And no black teenager ever invaded Iraq. 0.86
00:53:00.000 I like how you say it with the accentuation, Iraq.
00:53:03.000 Iraq. 1.00
00:53:05.000 Like, bitch. 1.00
00:53:06.000 That's why the smartest man in the world is like, a lot of people couldn't pull that off, dude. 0.99
00:53:11.000 Your sense of humor is just like this, you know, there's some like unique sort of styles of humor.
00:53:17.000 Like Brody Stevens is like my favorite example. 0.99
00:53:19.000 Because the shit that Brody says is only funny if you're Brody Stevens. 0.99
00:53:23.000 But if you're Brody Stevens, it's... 1.00
00:53:26.000 Brilliant. 0.99
00:53:27.000 He was fucking destroying. 0.99
00:53:30.000 One night, like a month ago, at the comedy store, he does that late night spot after midnight. 0.99
00:53:36.000 All the comics have already gone up.
00:53:37.000 The show's been going on since 9 o'clock.
00:53:39.000 Everyone's exhausted.
00:53:40.000 Whoever's there is a glutton for punishment, right?
00:53:42.000 20 people in the audience, and then comics just start filtering in.
00:53:45.000 And Brody does like 45 minutes.
00:53:47.000 I put some of it on Instagram, where he's playing drums.
00:53:50.000 He's got someone singing along with him.
00:53:52.000 Someone told me about that.
00:53:53.000 He's a man!
00:53:55.000 It's the Brody Show for the last hour of the Comedy Store.
00:53:59.000 It's the Brody Show when he does it.
00:54:01.000 It's him and Brian Holtzman.
00:54:02.000 Those are the masters at that late spot.
00:54:04.000 And Don Barris, too.
00:54:06.000 Don Barris is like the master of debacle.
00:54:09.000 If you want to see something absolutely ridiculous happen in the crowd late night at the Comedy Store, if Don Barris is on stage, it's likely to happen. 0.87
00:54:17.000 He's the master of that, becoming the ringleader of the crazies. 0.97
00:54:22.000 He's just so comfortable with crazy people, too.
00:54:25.000 That's awesome if you have the will to do that.
00:54:28.000 You know what I mean?
00:54:29.000 You want to go in late night and strike it down.
00:54:32.000 Well, you know what?
00:54:33.000 For Brody, that's like the perfect kind of set for him.
00:54:35.000 Of course it is.
00:54:35.000 Of course.
00:54:36.000 Because he needs to be in the moment.
00:54:37.000 He's very environmental.
00:54:38.000 Yeah.
00:54:39.000 Yeah.
00:54:39.000 But he's a perfect example.
00:54:41.000 Play that video because it's so ridiculous. 0.94
00:54:49.000 He's playing the drums, making kissy faces, and he's got a guy out of the audience right next to him playing the tambourine. 0.99
00:54:58.000 There's people in the front row that are from fucking Idaho. 1.00
00:55:02.000 I've come to the world famous comedy store. 1.00
00:55:04.000 They're like, what are we seeing?
00:55:06.000 But what they're seeing is probably one of the coolest things you're ever going to get a chance to see.
00:55:09.000 Right.
00:55:10.000 It's just completely freeform.
00:55:12.000 This one dude is just really entertaining and just having fun, off the cuff, constantly, you know.
00:55:19.000 That place is so addicting to go to, man.
00:55:21.000 I had to take a night off last night just hanging out the comedy store.
00:55:24.000 They have that new bar open now in the back.
00:55:27.000 Oh, did it open?
00:55:28.000 Yeah.
00:55:28.000 The new green room bar?
00:55:30.000 Yeah.
00:55:30.000 That's critical.
00:55:31.000 Yeah, it's like this really cool little VIP bar, and then they're just cleaning it up.
00:55:36.000 It's amazing how that new GM has just really taken control of that place. 1.00
00:55:40.000 Adam's a bad motherfucker. 0.99
00:55:41.000 Yeah, we knew him from back in the Tempe improv days. 1.00
00:55:43.000 He's always been cool as shit. 0.96
00:55:44.000 Who is it? 0.99
00:55:45.000 Adam.
00:55:46.000 Yeah, Eric and Adam.
00:55:48.000 Well, who started?
00:55:49.000 Who's the big cheese over there? 0.70
00:55:51.000 Eric.
00:55:52.000 Eric is the big cheese.
00:55:53.000 I don't even know.
00:55:54.000 Adam is the what?
00:55:56.000 Booking.
00:55:56.000 General manager type duties.
00:55:58.000 Yeah.
00:56:00.000 It's just like they needed people that had some experience in comedy clubs that weren't crazy, and they never got that before. 0.99
00:56:08.000 Everybody that used to run the comedy store was completely out of their fucking mind. 0.97
00:56:11.000 You know, and Adam is just such a laid-back, easy-going dude. 0.99
00:56:15.000 He has, like, a great relationship with comics.
00:56:18.000 Like, all the comics that know him, it's always like, what's up, dude?
00:56:21.000 It's like a genuine friendship sort of relationship with him.
00:56:24.000 He does the Norm MacDonald show, and he also works with Norm MacDonald also, so he's like friends with the comics.
00:56:30.000 Yeah, but he's just a good dude.
00:56:31.000 Just a good dude to have around, too.
00:56:33.000 He's fun.
00:56:33.000 It's like you genuinely like to see him, which wasn't the case for that place ever.
00:56:38.000 Right.
00:56:39.000 It's a weird spot, man, that's still there.
00:56:43.000 It's still right there on Sunset, east of La Cienega, in the craziest spot in all of the world of entertainment.
00:56:50.000 That's Strip. 0.99
00:56:51.000 That's where the whiskey is, where Hendrix used to play, and the Doors used to fucking throw down. 0.94
00:56:55.000 I mean, that's right down the street from where River Phoenix died. 0.91
00:56:59.000 You know, that's up the street, man.
00:57:02.000 That's the Roxy where Sam Kinison filmed his HBO special, and it's right next door to the Rainbow Bar and Grill, which is like, you want to go back in time.
00:57:11.000 You want to go to the 80s? 0.99
00:57:12.000 You want to re-bip that shit? 1.00
00:57:13.000 Yeah, you want to see Molly Hodgett? 1.00
00:57:14.000 They're there! 1.00
00:57:15.000 They're there, and they're fucking drunk as shit. 1.00
00:57:17.000 They're having a good time. 1.00
00:57:18.000 That's a wild-ass part of the country, not just part of town.
00:57:23.000 Yeah, it is.
00:57:23.000 I haven't played the store in ages.
00:57:26.000 I remember seeing you outside there once, and you were videotaping.
00:57:28.000 Is the back room still all red and Coke Denny?
00:57:32.000 The back room.
00:57:34.000 Oh, you like the green room behind the comedy store?
00:57:37.000 Yeah.
00:57:37.000 Or behind the main room, rather?
00:57:39.000 Yeah, it's all weird.
00:57:40.000 You still have red and white walls and all that. 0.90
00:57:42.000 Yeah, it's got weird old-school neon shit and a fake piano. 0.95
00:57:46.000 The fake piano, which has probably seen more lines cut on it. 0.98
00:57:49.000 I was going to say, how many rails?
00:57:50.000 Any object in the known universe.
00:57:52.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:57:53.000 And now one of the legs is broken, so if you lean on it and you have a big pile of cocaine, it just flies on the floor.
00:57:59.000 Oh, no.
00:58:00.000 Wasting cocaine.
00:58:01.000 Sam Kinison's rolling in his grave.
00:58:03.000 I know.
00:58:04.000 There was always these crazy rumors, too, that there's a tunnel from the back of the Comedy Store.
00:58:09.000 It goes under the Comedy Store, and it goes up to Crest Hill, where they had the comics house.
00:58:13.000 Because when they bought the house, they bought the Comedy Store together as one package.
00:58:17.000 Because it was like Bugsy Siegel's place.
00:58:19.000 Right.
00:58:19.000 So they used to live right up on Crest Hill.
00:58:22.000 Or somebody used to.
00:58:23.000 And then sneak under. 1.00
00:58:24.000 And there's a fucking tunnel. 0.99
00:58:25.000 It's like, if the fuzz is here, what do you want to do, Mickey? 1.00
00:58:29.000 We're going to get in the tunnel, fuck those pigs! 1.00
00:58:31.000 And they get in the tunnel and just run up to the hill, tuck themselves in the bed. 1.00
00:58:35.000 What, officer?
00:58:36.000 I've been in bed this whole evening.
00:58:38.000 The very notion.
00:58:40.000 Back then there was no DNA. No, of course there wasn't.
00:58:43.000 You touched this doorknob, stupid. 1.00
00:58:44.000 What? 1.00
00:58:45.000 There's an essence of you on the doorknob.
00:58:47.000 See, we brought it back around.
00:58:48.000 Yeah.
00:58:49.000 The DNA at the Comedy Store.
00:58:51.000 And Coke on that table.
00:58:53.000 I'm sure there's residue from the...
00:58:55.000 Did you ever do the cocaine, Greg Proops?
00:58:56.000 I have done.
00:58:57.000 Have you?
00:58:58.000 I have.
00:58:59.000 I'm not doing it now, but I have done.
00:59:01.000 Did you ever go through a period where it went, I don't think I should do this stuff anymore.
00:59:05.000 No, because I never seriously did it a lot.
00:59:08.000 No?
00:59:08.000 Because it's not...
00:59:10.000 I'm more of a pothead.
00:59:13.000 The feeling jacked wasn't...
00:59:16.000 For me, I have to drink gallons of vodka if I do cocaine.
00:59:20.000 And I'll drink anyway.
00:59:22.000 Yeah, because I can't sleep.
00:59:23.000 Oh, just to kind of calm you down?
00:59:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:59:26.000 Basically, coke is there so you can drink as much as you can humanly get down.
00:59:30.000 My joke was...
00:59:31.000 Because you go to the dealers.
00:59:33.000 I used to do a long routine about cocaine because George Bush said...
00:59:36.000 W. Bush said he didn't remember...
00:59:39.000 Whether or not you did coke?
00:59:40.000 Yes.
00:59:40.000 Someone said, did you do cocaine?
00:59:42.000 He goes, I don't remember.
00:59:43.000 And I was like, oh, you remember if you did coke.
00:59:46.000 There's no forgetting it, even if you just did it once.
00:59:49.000 And then it said, elaborate measures have to be enacted. 1.00
00:59:51.000 First of all, my distinct recollection is you have to go to an asshole's house. 0.99
00:59:58.000 And then he tells you about the quality of it. 0.99
01:00:01.000 And you're like, quality?
01:00:02.000 I've debased myself by being here. 1.00
01:00:04.000 I would snort Drano off a fucking midget right now. 1.00
01:00:07.000 I go, let's get this going. 1.00
01:00:08.000 I got a night to ruin.
01:00:11.000 Then someone drags you face down a stair.
01:00:13.000 You go to Denny's and spend the whole time barfing in the bathroom because you can't eat.
01:00:17.000 Someone drags you face down the stairs and you booty call someone at four in the morning that you met at a Yaz concert in 1994. Whoa.
01:00:26.000 That's a strong booty call.
01:00:28.000 That's a Hail Mary.
01:00:31.000 That's just disingenuous to say you don't remember doing cocaine.
01:00:34.000 Well, it's disingenuous because you would remember whether or not you have done it.
01:00:38.000 Because if you haven't done it, you'd remember all the time, I've never done coke.
01:00:42.000 Because that comes up.
01:00:44.000 If you have a conversation with people, once a year, someone will say, hey, have you ever tried Quaaludes? 0.97
01:00:49.000 You're like, no, I never fucked with that. 0.99
01:00:50.000 I don't fuck with pills. 1.00
01:00:51.000 Quaaludes. 1.00
01:00:52.000 Yeah, dudes always have those sort of conversations.
01:00:54.000 Or women, I'm sure, have those conversations, too. 1.00
01:00:56.000 And you would know whether or not you take coke.
01:00:58.000 There's a decision involved in taking coke.
01:00:59.000 There's this elaborate ritual that goes on with it.
01:01:01.000 There's all the chopping and talking about it and acting like it's important because it's expensive.
01:01:06.000 Yeah, but it's not like saying, have you ever had a shot of wild turkey?
01:01:11.000 Right, I don't remember.
01:01:12.000 You could conceivably go, I don't remember.
01:01:13.000 I might have.
01:01:14.000 Right.
01:01:15.000 What's the difference?
01:01:17.000 What's Jim Beam?
01:01:18.000 Is that Wild Turk? 1.00
01:01:19.000 Is that different shit? 1.00
01:01:20.000 You know, you'd have those conversations. 0.99
01:01:21.000 Like, that makes sense.
01:01:22.000 But not, I don't remember whether or not I did coke. 1.00
01:01:24.000 Get the fuck out of here, bitch! 1.00
01:01:26.000 Do you remember whether or not you've ever had a drink of alcohol? 1.00
01:01:28.000 I don't remember.
01:01:29.000 What?!
01:01:30.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:01:30.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:01:31.000 No, you either did or you don't. 1.00
01:01:34.000 It can be fun, but I think when you base the night around it, and everything becomes we have to do more and more and more, and then at the end of the night when there's no more, and then it's a sad time, that's always the sad part.
01:01:46.000 It's not a positive drug that way, whereas pot, at a certain point you're going to pull the ripcord because you're just too high or you fall asleep or we all go to Taco Bell or whatever it is, you know.
01:01:56.000 It's a different kind of tire, too.
01:01:58.000 Yeah.
01:01:58.000 I've never done coke, but the stimulants, any kind of stimulant...
01:02:03.000 Oh, you're wrecked the next day.
01:02:04.000 You're wrecked.
01:02:05.000 I did ecstasy, which is very much like a stimulant. 0.99
01:02:08.000 Especially, I think the shit I had was probably not 100% pure. 0.97
01:02:11.000 Because I've heard people say that if you don't try it pure, you really don't know what the actual effects are. 0.99
01:02:18.000 Is it speedy?
01:02:19.000 Well, it wasn't to me.
01:02:20.000 I was definitely awake. 0.98
01:02:22.000 I definitely stayed awake for a long fucking time. 0.98
01:02:24.000 But I didn't think it was that speedy. 0.96
01:02:26.000 But then someone told me that it's really frequently cut with it.
01:02:30.000 I'm like, well, how do you know?
01:02:31.000 You're getting it from a drug dealer.
01:02:32.000 And that's inherently a big part of the problem, right?
01:02:35.000 You're getting it illegally, so you're at risk.
01:02:38.000 Well, that's the thing about cocaine.
01:02:39.000 If you buy it from someone in a bar or something, then you're completely taking it on faith that they have the goodwill to not poison you.
01:02:47.000 Yeah.
01:02:48.000 Well, that's what I was going to ask you about, the difference between stuff that's cut and stuff that's not cut.
01:02:53.000 I don't think I've ever had rock star stuff.
01:02:55.000 You know, I hear stories about it.
01:02:57.000 You know, I've had friends who've done coke with famous people and junk and they go, oh, it was so pure and it was so good. 1.00
01:03:03.000 And evidently then you don't sweat and act like an asshole. 1.00
01:03:06.000 Evidently then you're the life of the goddamn party in your area. 1.00
01:03:09.000 Exactly. 0.99
01:03:09.000 Riding ladies' cigarettes and quipping off bone mows and absolutely being the event of the season. 0.99
01:03:16.000 No, I think whenever you're doing it, it's just because you want to get jacked and drink a bunch and then be an asshole. 0.99
01:03:21.000 Or you're hanging out with a girl and you're like, oh, come here, I got cocaine. 1.00
01:03:25.000 Yeah, there's that, the luring people to you with cocaine. 0.98
01:03:28.000 I think that's rape. 1.00
01:03:29.000 That's technically kind of rapey.
01:03:31.000 No.
01:03:32.000 These days.
01:03:33.000 Put a little quick in there, like chocolate quick to make it chocolate cocaine. 0.98
01:03:36.000 The chicks love that. 1.00
01:03:37.000 Wow.
01:03:38.000 Yeah.
01:03:38.000 These are some tips.
01:03:39.000 A little cocaine tip right there.
01:03:40.000 Chocolate cocaine?
01:03:41.000 Are you being serious?
01:03:41.000 Yeah, just mix a little bit of quick in there and it tastes like, smells like chocolate when you snort it.
01:03:47.000 Girls love that. 1.00
01:03:48.000 Have you actually done this?
01:03:49.000 What?
01:03:50.000 Yes.
01:03:52.000 You ever take Froot Loops and coat them with ecstasy?
01:03:55.000 No, that's too elaborate.
01:03:56.000 What I was going to ask is, is there a difference between needing alcohol when you have cut coke to not cut coke?
01:04:01.000 Do you remember Tom Sawyer from Cobbs, San Francisco?
01:04:05.000 As well as I remember anyone.
01:04:06.000 I'm sending him a copy of the book tomorrow, in fact, with an elaborate inscription.
01:04:09.000 Tell him I said hello.
01:04:11.000 I will. 1.00
01:04:11.000 But he always used to talk about rock star coke like it was the goddamn... 1.00
01:04:15.000 That's what he'd say. 0.99
01:04:16.000 That's where I got the expression.
01:04:18.000 Yeah, but he would talk about doing it with like Kinison or Rockstar.
01:04:21.000 He did it with like a bunch of like, maybe it was Robin.
01:04:24.000 Might have been Robin. 0.99
01:04:25.000 Whoever the fuck he did it with. 0.99
01:04:26.000 But he would talk about how it was like the best Asian massage ever with a built-in happy ending. 1.00
01:04:33.000 No questions asked.
01:04:34.000 And you just sleep like a baby afterwards.
01:04:36.000 Right.
01:04:36.000 He made it sound like this wonderful experience that you needed to try, and then afterwards, the big thing is like, you could just go to bed, no problem, you could just go to sleep.
01:04:43.000 I'm like, how the fuck is that possible? 0.88
01:04:45.000 I guess, because, I don't know, because is it a completely, I don't know what the properties are, but I'm assuming since it's a numbing agent, it's an analgesic or an anesthetic, almost, so really, what it's getting stepped on with is crappy speed and other shit, the additives is what, 0.97
01:05:00.000 actually, I'm guessing?
01:05:01.000 Yeah, but then...
01:05:02.000 Like, if you went to a pharmacy...
01:05:04.000 What a pharmacist would have would be pharmaceutical cocaine, and that would be very pure.
01:05:09.000 That's an experiment.
01:05:10.000 Let's get a pharmacist on the show, Joe. 0.50
01:05:13.000 Did you know that Coca-Cola still uses coca leaves?
01:05:17.000 Yeah.
01:05:17.000 Isn't that amazing?
01:05:18.000 It's part of their flavor.
01:05:19.000 I don't think Pepsi does, but Coca-Cola uses actual coca leaves, and they extract medical-grade cocaine from it. 0.99
01:05:28.000 And then the same company that does this for Coca-Cola, they also sell medical grade cocaine to hospitals and shit. 0.97
01:05:36.000 As a numbing agent? 0.99
01:05:38.000 I don't know what they use it for, man.
01:05:39.000 I don't understand, but apparently there's medicinal uses.
01:05:41.000 To make you write a book?
01:05:43.000 It doesn't have anything to do...
01:05:44.000 Make you invent psychoanalysis?
01:05:47.000 What is the stuff that they...
01:05:49.000 Lidocaine.
01:05:50.000 Lidocaine is like cocaine's autistic brother. 0.81
01:05:54.000 I don't think I've ever...
01:05:55.000 Maybe if I'd done the Rockstar Cook, I'd be advocating it more.
01:05:59.000 To me, it always just seemed like the people who did it were never the people that I wanted to roll with.
01:06:03.000 Okay, lying inside of the mouth.
01:06:05.000 Nose, throat, mucous membranes before certain medical...
01:06:09.000 Well, huh, wonder why...
01:06:10.000 Decreases bleeding and swelling, yeah.
01:06:12.000 So it's actual cocaine, not lidocaine.
01:06:15.000 That's interesting.
01:06:16.000 Cocaine hydrochloride, huh?
01:06:17.000 I don't know if you remember that one person I hung out with that used to do liquid cocaine.
01:06:22.000 And it was just like a little spray bottle, like a Flonase bottle.
01:06:26.000 And that's how you did it.
01:06:27.000 You're just trying to get it into your membrane as quickly as possible.
01:06:30.000 And by putting it in liquid, you're absolutely...
01:06:33.000 What kind of liquid would you put it into that you could just spray into your nose like that?
01:06:37.000 No, that's how it came.
01:06:38.000 It came like that.
01:06:38.000 It came like that.
01:06:39.000 Like atomizer.
01:06:40.000 Wow, that's wild.
01:06:42.000 I wonder if that has a shelf life.
01:06:43.000 That might be worth trying.
01:06:44.000 I don't know.
01:06:45.000 Like I said...
01:06:46.000 The older I get to, I don't want my heart to explode or anything.
01:06:49.000 Well, the real issue, they say, is with the way they process cocaine from the coca leaves, but that coca leaves themselves are not only not dangerous for you, but really common and kind of healthy.
01:07:05.000 I mean, they have, like, phytonutrients, and there's just some properties to them.
01:07:09.000 Certainly, they've chewed it for thousands of years in South America. 1.00
01:07:11.000 But it rots the holy fuck out of your teeth, son. 1.00
01:07:15.000 It rots the holy fuck out of your teeth. 1.00
01:07:17.000 You see those dudes that chew those coca leaves all the time? 0.99
01:07:19.000 It might be because they like doing coca leaves so much they don't ever bother brushing.
01:07:23.000 Yeah, they probably don't have really good dental care if they're chewing on...
01:07:26.000 It's possible.
01:07:27.000 That's how they built the Ink Empire, because it's a mild stimulant, and you just stick it in your cheek, like chew, and you just keep it in there, and it allows you, because it restricts the blood vessels, to work at higher altitudes. 0.83
01:07:38.000 You know, there's all these...
01:07:40.000 They were able to build massive cities and inconceivable architecture at precarious fucking lofty heights all through the empire for thousands of miles.
01:07:53.000 And it was certain that they're all the workers. 0.85
01:07:55.000 Well, that's one of those...
01:07:57.000 Yeah, without a doubt.
01:07:58.000 I mean, that's a really common thing today.
01:08:01.000 And the people who picket...
01:08:03.000 They don't snort it, they chew it, right?
01:08:05.000 Yeah, they all chew it.
01:08:06.000 It's, like, really common.
01:08:08.000 Like, they have these bags of it, and they hand it to each other, and they take it, and they grab it, and they stuff it in their mouth.
01:08:13.000 Like, look how much this guy's got stuffed in his face like a giant squirrel person.
01:08:17.000 You know?
01:08:18.000 That's what they do.
01:08:20.000 I mean, if you were climbing in the Andes and you wanted to, I think, feel better and not have altitude sickness, the cocaine alleviates that.
01:08:30.000 For us, who are land-bound, we don't live at 8,000 feet or whatever.
01:08:36.000 It's not cocaine.
01:08:37.000 It's cocaine leaves?
01:08:38.000 Yeah, it's coca.
01:08:39.000 It's coca leaves.
01:08:41.000 Cocaine is the extracted form that's unnatural. 1.00
01:08:44.000 And it is fucked the same way sugar is fucked. 1.00
01:08:48.000 Like when you take sugar, like regular sugar, and you pour it on your frosted flakes, you're just poisoning yourself. 1.00
01:08:53.000 You're just giving yourself sugar.
01:08:55.000 It tastes awesome.
01:08:55.000 Don't get me wrong.
01:08:56.000 I'm not hating it.
01:08:57.000 But you're giving yourself...
01:08:58.000 It's like a toxin at that level.
01:09:01.000 It's toxic.
01:09:01.000 It's bad.
01:09:02.000 It's actually bad for your body.
01:09:03.000 It can diminish your body's performance. 0.92
01:09:06.000 Your insulin levels get all fucking out of whack.
01:09:09.000 Everybody's like, what is this? 0.95
01:09:11.000 Because you're not supposed to have sugar in that form.
01:09:14.000 It's supposed to come attached to fiber and watermelon and apples and all these different fruits that we normally get sugar from.
01:09:21.000 It's supposed to be, there's like a relationship that these nutrients and the various aspects of food all have to the actual piece of food that they come from.
01:09:30.000 When you just extract one good Part of it like sugar or cocaine like you're taking it out of the whole Symbiotic plant system.
01:09:42.000 It's very interesting though because isn't that like the story that you know, I just read this book I can't remember what it's called six six drinks in the history of the world and six drinks And they talked a lot about coca-cola in it. 0.99
01:09:52.000 Look at that shit. 0.98
01:09:53.000 Sugar's addictive. 1.00
01:09:54.000 I bet it is When the brain scans, sugar is addictive.
01:09:57.000 It's the refining of everything and the extracting of everything that's changed the world, right?
01:10:03.000 Sugar is a giant moment in human history when sugar becomes important because then rum becomes important, then slavery and taking over the New World.
01:10:13.000 The whole history of the New World is built on sugar.
01:10:17.000 Cocaine and sugar.
01:10:18.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:10:19.000 I mean, there's definitely good and bad with all sorts of things that have ruined all sorts of aspects of our world.
01:10:27.000 I mean, for a long time, people go to war for salt.
01:10:29.000 Absolutely.
01:10:30.000 Stop and think about that.
01:10:31.000 Salt precedes sugar as the big item that everyone has to have salt.
01:10:35.000 Gandhi's first march to the salt marshals, because that's what he's protesting, the British. 1.00
01:10:40.000 Fuck! 1.00
01:10:41.000 Salt's a key... 1.00
01:10:43.000 Ingredient in human history and and people still say it and now I'm getting boring But I was just gonna say when they used to pay they paid people in salt You earned salt and you're worth your salt the reason what do you know why they do it?
01:10:53.000 You know what salt the properties of salt was good for it absolutely replenishes your body when you're you know working out and I guess the sodium is some sort of No, go on, tell me, because I'm just fumbling around.
01:11:04.000 No, those are all good, but the big one is a preservation of food.
01:11:08.000 Right.
01:11:08.000 If you can take meat and you cover it in salt, and fish especially, you cover it in salt, it'll prevent bacteria from growing.
01:11:16.000 Right.
01:11:17.000 Yeah, so they would literally layer these fish fillets in stacks of salt.
01:11:23.000 Like, they would put salt, put the fish down, cover the fish with salt, put a fillet down, cover that with salt, and they would be fine, like, for days.
01:11:30.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:11:31.000 Months.
01:11:32.000 You could ship.
01:11:32.000 That's how all food was kept in those days.
01:11:35.000 Would it really last for months?
01:11:36.000 Well, that horrible stuff that they used to eat.
01:11:39.000 Salt cod.
01:11:39.000 Salt cod and salt pork, right?
01:11:41.000 You'd salt the dickens out of a pork and then just keep it forever.
01:11:44.000 But they didn't have refrigeration, right?
01:11:46.000 So salt provided refrigeration for 10,000 zillion years.
01:11:50.000 It was how you kept food.
01:11:51.000 Yeah, I mean, it was, like, people can't to this day go, what, you just pour your salt on your french fries? 1.00
01:11:56.000 People go to war for that shit? 1.00
01:11:57.000 It's a condiment. 1.00
01:11:58.000 You don't go to war for condiments, but that's not what it was.
01:12:00.000 It was like going to war for refrigerators.
01:12:02.000 Very much so.
01:12:03.000 In ancient Rome, the big sauce was this fish sauce.
01:12:06.000 It tastes a lot like Vietnamese fish sauce.
01:12:08.000 Very salty and brown.
01:12:09.000 And it was like rendered fish that they let sit, and then they threw salt in it.
01:12:13.000 But it kept...
01:12:15.000 Wow.
01:12:15.000 You kept.
01:12:16.000 You could have it on your shelf for a couple of weeks, which in the ancient world, you're buying food every day, you're taking your bread to the baker, the baker breaks it, you bring it back.
01:12:24.000 You know, all of it has to be done on the day, right?
01:12:26.000 You have chicken or whatever. 0.99
01:12:27.000 You're not going to the supermarket and putting shit in the fridge for a billion years, so... 0.95
01:12:31.000 Yeah, you don't have a deep freezer where you keep pot pies. 0.99
01:12:35.000 Salt is, like you said, the world fought over salt for ages and ages.
01:12:39.000 It's amazing to think about today.
01:12:40.000 People were forced to work in salt mines and died in them.
01:12:43.000 That was like a huge punishment for ages.
01:12:45.000 There's a mountain in, is it Germany? 0.96
01:12:48.000 There's a mountain of salt.
01:12:50.000 Wow.
01:12:50.000 In Germany?
01:12:52.000 There's a book called Salt, and it's very good.
01:12:54.000 Will you look up the book called Salt, the guy who wrote it?
01:12:57.000 And they reduced it just because of the world's need for salt?
01:13:00.000 Yeah, they dug it all down.
01:13:02.000 Wow.
01:13:03.000 There's two mountains, one in South America.
01:13:05.000 I can't remember the other in Mexico.
01:13:07.000 Is it in Potosi?
01:13:08.000 Yeah, there it is.
01:13:09.000 Salt, a world history.
01:13:10.000 Yeah, you'd really like it, man, because he breaks it down, and he shows you the salt mines, and there's pictures of the salt mountain, and it is un-fucking-believable.
01:13:18.000 I mean, we were talking earlier today about not having a smartphone.
01:13:23.000 What a big leap that would be to go back to a flip phone. 0.99
01:13:26.000 But look at the fuck people fought over salt. 0.99
01:13:30.000 That is so alien to us today. 0.99
01:13:32.000 And spices, right?
01:13:33.000 The reason why Columbus was coming...
01:13:34.000 There it is.
01:13:35.000 The reason why Columbus was a mountain of salt.
01:13:39.000 I always talk about Columbus on your bloody show, but even Magellan, when he went around the world, he sent five ships.
01:13:46.000 They lost all of them.
01:13:47.000 They finally came back with one three years later.
01:13:49.000 Three years later, a crappy ship with 18 guys sailed back in.
01:13:53.000 Well, it had all been underwritten by businessmen from Germany who underwrote Magellan's voyage.
01:14:00.000 There was enough spice in that ship to pay for the whole trip.
01:14:03.000 A three-year trip and losing 300 guys and five ships or whatever, four ships.
01:14:08.000 Whoa.
01:14:09.000 Because they brought back, I don't know what they wanted on that one, nutmeg or whatever it was.
01:14:13.000 They had to go all the way.
01:14:16.000 Around the world to the East Indies.
01:14:19.000 No electricity.
01:14:21.000 See, that was the difference.
01:14:22.000 Magellan was going to prove you could go that way.
01:14:24.000 All the way around.
01:14:25.000 Because usually they went around India and the horn.
01:14:28.000 And so, that's how valuable it was, and that's why...
01:14:34.000 Portugal and Spain were such giant powers because spice and then when Spain took over the New World there was a mountains of gold one in South America and one a mountain of silver I mean a mountain of silver that they made the Indians and killed them all doing it dig out and all the gold and silver in Asia is still in circulation is like Spanish gold Whoa. 0.72
01:14:56.000 Dug out of the New World.
01:14:58.000 That's insane.
01:14:59.000 There was a literal mountain.
01:15:00.000 Two of them.
01:15:01.000 One in South America and one in Mexico.
01:15:03.000 That's incredible.
01:15:05.000 A mountain. 1.00
01:15:05.000 Fuck, it's not that long ago either. 1.00
01:15:07.000 You know, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. 1.00
01:15:10.000 That's not that long ago, man.
01:15:12.000 500 years ago.
01:15:13.000 That's crazy.
01:15:14.000 Yeah.
01:15:15.000 That's why Spain is a had money and why giant and then comes comes the the whatchamacallit the Reformation and after the Inquisition and now Europe becomes Europe and they all start fighting each other and It's it's really truly amazing what a small amount of time that is in terms of like in Perspective with the human history human history just even perspective with everybody wants to go to the beginning of the universe 13.7 billion. 0.51
01:15:43.000 Oh God But we don't even have to go that far.
01:15:45.000 Let's go to biological life.
01:15:47.000 And then human beings have been around just a small amount of time, and in that small amount of time, the amount of change that we've seen just in 200 years is so mind-blowing. 0.92
01:15:57.000 And we're talking about, like, going back to flip phones, being like some big, big fuck-up. 0.55
01:16:01.000 I can't believe I couldn't do it. 0.76
01:16:03.000 I can't do it.
01:16:04.000 Why don't I just rub two sticks together?
01:16:05.000 Dude, I need periscope.
01:16:07.000 I'm periscoping all the time.
01:16:08.000 It's huge for my career.
01:16:11.000 You could go back to salt.
01:16:13.000 Keeping your food alive with salt.
01:16:16.000 I'm gonna start lining everything up. 1.00
01:16:17.000 There's gonna be an asshole out there that does it. 1.00
01:16:19.000 I bet there's assholes out there doing it right now. 1.00
01:16:21.000 Oh yeah, there are. 1.00
01:16:21.000 Those guys who make their own axes and shit. 1.00
01:16:24.000 There's artisanal everything. 0.84
01:16:26.000 That's kind of the good thing about now, is now you get to see people, what the things you thought we lost, like, you know, blacksmiths and saddle makers, are back and making stuff, you know?
01:16:36.000 Like, everybody's relearning all these old crafts, how to be a...
01:16:39.000 No one knows how to, like, you know...
01:16:42.000 We're good to go.
01:16:45.000 We're good to go.
01:17:08.000 On paper, there's something really cool about that, right?
01:17:10.000 Someone in your group had to be a metal worker.
01:17:12.000 You know what I mean?
01:17:12.000 Someone in your unit worked metal, and you'd heat up a thing at night and bang, bang, bang, fix everybody's guns and...
01:17:17.000 Yeah.
01:17:18.000 There was a guy who made your furniture.
01:17:20.000 Yeah.
01:17:20.000 There was a guy who chopped the wood and sawed it down to make your table.
01:17:24.000 Yep.
01:17:25.000 By hand, baby.
01:17:26.000 Yeah.
01:17:26.000 Wow.
01:17:27.000 And everybody's table was slightly different, because they really were just marking it with pencils and sawing into the wood and...
01:17:33.000 You can see it sometimes when you go to places like when they have artisans making...
01:17:38.000 I don't know.
01:17:39.000 I'm not going to go to a Revolutionary War village to watch them churn butter or nothing. 1.00
01:17:43.000 I don't like super stupid old school making shit with your hands, but I love watching people make shit that I don't even give a fuck about. 1.00
01:17:52.000 Like violins. 1.00
01:17:53.000 I don't play the violins.
01:17:53.000 But I watched some show about them making violins and the wood that they choose, and the harmonics of the wood.
01:18:00.000 I mean, when you look at a really truly expensive violin, I mean, that is a goddamn functional work of art. 0.97
01:18:08.000 Oh, absolutely. 0.94
01:18:09.000 I don't play any instruments.
01:18:11.000 No.
01:18:12.000 And I think the musicians who buy those high-end ones are reverent about their...
01:18:18.000 They definitely wax them down and keep them in shape.
01:18:21.000 The moisture's an issue.
01:18:23.000 You can't store it in a crappy place and it can't get bounced around.
01:18:27.000 I was at Conan with Sturgill Simpson.
01:18:30.000 Sturgill Simpson's a friend of mine.
01:18:31.000 He's a country music guy.
01:18:33.000 He was performing on the show and they asked him if he wanted to put his guitar out there early.
01:18:40.000 So that it can acclimate to the temperature in that room.
01:18:45.000 Because they keep the room where they film Conan...
01:18:47.000 Like 65 degrees.
01:18:48.000 Keep it chilly so that everybody's like, woo!
01:18:50.000 It gives you a little bit more energy as an audience.
01:18:52.000 The worst thing you want is people who are really warm and really tired.
01:18:56.000 So you give them a little bit of a chill.
01:18:58.000 And that's like an old school David Letterman trick, right?
01:19:01.000 So they put his guitar out there early so it can get you...
01:19:04.000 And then they have to tune it again.
01:19:06.000 So you have to go out there, you have to play with it, and you have to know where it should be for every single note.
01:19:12.000 And you're twisting those little things on top, and I'm like, the wood itself moves and changes in 10, 20 minutes.
01:19:19.000 The humidity of the room. 0.99
01:19:20.000 That's fucking bananas, man. 0.99
01:19:21.000 Isn't it? 1.00
01:19:22.000 That is so crazy to think that it's so specialized.
01:19:26.000 And they can't make...
01:19:27.000 He was telling me that you can't make a really good guitar out of anything other than wood.
01:19:31.000 It just doesn't sound right. 0.95
01:19:33.000 They can make some electric ones out of, like, plexiglass and shit. 0.94
01:19:36.000 But it's a different sort of a thing. 0.81
01:19:38.000 But even they're not as good.
01:19:40.000 Like, you want wood.
01:19:41.000 Right.
01:19:41.000 And they're steel.
01:19:42.000 They're the ones that are all metal.
01:19:43.000 Mm-hmm.
01:19:45.000 Wood is the one.
01:19:47.000 I don't know.
01:19:47.000 I met a guy who made guitars for people.
01:19:50.000 He looked exactly like you'd think he would with a ponytail and a beard.
01:19:54.000 He was in The Hobbit.
01:19:56.000 That's all he did.
01:19:57.000 I was with John Paul Jones from Led Zeppelin.
01:20:02.000 He was in Them Crooked Vultures with Dave Grohl.
01:20:06.000 I got to meet him.
01:20:07.000 He introduces me to this fellow.
01:20:09.000 He's like, who's this guy?
01:20:10.000 He's like, He makes mandolins.
01:20:13.000 Whoa.
01:20:14.000 And I'm like, oh, and he's my friend.
01:20:16.000 I brought him along with me.
01:20:17.000 He makes guitars and mandolins, and that's what I play.
01:20:20.000 Wow.
01:20:21.000 Yeah, that's all he did.
01:20:22.000 And then people have this really intense relationship with the guy who makes their guitar.
01:20:26.000 Yeah.
01:20:26.000 Like, I know dudes who have acoustic guitars from, like, famous makers.
01:20:29.000 They become friends with that famous maker.
01:20:31.000 Yeah.
01:20:32.000 You know?
01:20:32.000 That's a pool cue thing, too.
01:20:34.000 Pool cues, which are also, they can't figure out a way to make them really good at anything other than wood.
01:20:38.000 Yeah.
01:20:39.000 It's interesting that, and they have relationships with the makers, like guys who play with certain guys' cues.
01:20:44.000 You have this really close friendship with this guy who makes your cue.
01:20:47.000 But it's interesting to me that no one's been able to figure out, in all the years that we've been manufacturing things, something that's better than something that just grows in the ground.
01:21:00.000 That's a trip.
01:21:02.000 For guitars, for pool cues, just for this table, man.
01:21:06.000 This table feels good.
01:21:08.000 Like, when I put my hand on this table and I feel the grain of it and I move, like, this is like, I think this table makes a better conversation.
01:21:15.000 I really do.
01:21:16.000 I think if there was this plastic thing here with, like, one of the Formica top, I think we'd feel less comfortable.
01:21:24.000 No, then you're in a break room.
01:21:25.000 Yeah.
01:21:26.000 Then you're not meant to stay.
01:21:27.000 Yeah.
01:21:28.000 You're meant to blow after 15 minutes.
01:21:29.000 Well, even these bricks. 1.00
01:21:30.000 These bricks are bullshit. 1.00
01:21:31.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:21:32.000 But they're not bullshit. 0.89
01:21:33.000 They're actual bricks. 0.98
01:21:35.000 It's a slice.
01:21:36.000 They take a brick and they veneer it.
01:21:38.000 Oh, really? 0.77
01:21:38.000 Yeah, and then they put a metal sheet up, and then they put the spackle in or whatever the fuck it is, and then they put the bricks in. 0.77
01:21:46.000 They lay them one at a time, individually.
01:21:49.000 Do they really?
01:21:49.000 Yeah.
01:21:49.000 It's not like a...
01:21:51.000 Wallpaper.
01:21:52.000 It's an actual, they're actual bricks.
01:21:54.000 But to me, it's like, I know that's real.
01:21:57.000 See, if I go back there and touch that, that feels like a brick.
01:21:59.000 That feels like a real organic thing.
01:22:02.000 Right, and bricks are, you know, what? 0.98
01:22:03.000 Mud and composite and all sorts of shit thrown into a mold. 0.95
01:22:06.000 You still have to mold them. 0.98
01:22:07.000 They're all irregular.
01:22:08.000 I would have a wooden floor if I owned this place.
01:22:12.000 I would change it.
01:22:12.000 I would turn the floor wood into it.
01:22:13.000 Wouldn't it be too noisy for a studio? 0.99
01:22:14.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99
01:22:15.000 Let it echo. 1.00
01:22:17.000 Let it echo.
01:22:18.000 I would feel better. 0.99
01:22:19.000 I would feel better with shit that's organic stuff. 0.99
01:22:24.000 I agree. 0.99
01:22:25.000 Like, if you could be in a grow room, that would be the ultimate conversation.
01:22:29.000 If you could just do a podcast, a video podcast from a grow room without going to jail or without getting your place stormed by people that, you know, know there's a million dollars worth of plants there.
01:22:39.000 You're already getting me put in jail with all your questions today.
01:22:42.000 Not true!
01:22:44.000 We're living a new day!
01:22:45.000 Like, if you could go to one of those Warren Buffet-owned grow rooms in Colorado with, like, five indoor acres, they have, like, five indoor acre ones that this dude I know works at.
01:22:55.000 And they have two levels.
01:22:56.000 There's an upper and a lower. 1.00
01:22:58.000 Colorado's taking shit to the next level, son! 1.00
01:23:02.000 I just got back from Denver. 1.00
01:23:03.000 That is the beginning.
01:23:05.000 That is the beginning for the whole country.
01:23:07.000 The whole country is going to become that.
01:23:09.000 The whole country is going to become just like Colorado because they're going to get addicted to the revenue, and then they're going to get addicted to the behavior.
01:23:16.000 The revenue is one thing, but you go to Colorado right now, you have less drunk driving accidents.
01:23:21.000 You have less...
01:23:23.000 Violent crime.
01:23:24.000 You have the lowest incident of DUIs in something like 25 years. 0.98
01:23:29.000 There's all sorts of positive benefits to what the fuck's going on there.
01:23:33.000 You're almost answering the next question, which is why it isn't happening everywhere. 0.73
01:23:36.000 It's like, well, if they're going to sell less alcohol, then there's definitely forces that don't want them to sell.
01:23:41.000 Not only that, you've got to worry about...
01:23:43.000 Criminals.
01:23:44.000 Like, I know someone who has a setup where he has Blackwater-type dudes. 0.95
01:23:48.000 There's these dudes who have bulletproof vests, and they walk around with machine guns.
01:23:51.000 And they're outside of this grow room because they're dealing with millions of dollars in cash.
01:23:56.000 Millions.
01:23:56.000 And the banking laws, the next thing.
01:23:57.000 Because the banking laws are still archaic.
01:24:00.000 They're dealing on a cash basis in Colorado.
01:24:02.000 You pay cash money like you do here in California.
01:24:04.000 So every dispensary's got way too much money inside because they can't use credit cards.
01:24:10.000 And then what do they do when they take it to the bank?
01:24:12.000 Banks don't accept more than $10,000.
01:24:16.000 Well, that's also what's going on with these asset forfeiture laws that are also being...
01:24:22.000 One of them got overturned...
01:24:23.000 What did we say, Tennessee?
01:24:24.000 We talked about it the other day.
01:24:25.000 It got overturned in Tennessee, where they were stealing people's money, man. 0.51
01:24:29.000 People were driving somewhere.
01:24:30.000 Let's say if you wanted to buy a car, and you had $7,000 on you, and you left your house with this money that you saved for a long time.
01:24:35.000 If they pull you over, and they go, why do you have $7,000 on you?
01:24:39.000 And you're like, well, I'm going to buy the car. 0.99
01:24:42.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.95
01:24:42.000 They would just take that money, and then you would have to prove somehow that you don't sell drugs. 0.95
01:24:47.000 Isn't that theft?
01:24:48.000 It is theft.
01:24:48.000 It's not only just theft, but they would spend that money.
01:24:51.000 It doesn't even go into a bank vault.
01:24:53.000 They spent it in the most ironic way. 0.99
01:24:55.000 They bought a fucking margarita machine, and they were using this margarita machine at a cop party. 0.99
01:25:02.000 So you used the drug money of you thought someone was selling drugs, you took it, and then you bought a fucking margarita machine with this. 1.00
01:25:10.000 To give yourselves legal drugs? 0.98
01:25:13.000 Like, you took drug money to buy some drug machines. 0.98
01:25:16.000 It's unbelievably gross. 1.00
01:25:18.000 That's ridiculous. 0.99
01:25:19.000 Yeah, well, that's part of what they were doing in California with the medical marijuana. 0.68
01:25:25.000 Florida is a state legal thing.
01:25:26.000 So these places were following all the state laws.
01:25:29.000 They got licenses to open.
01:25:31.000 They opened up.
01:25:31.000 They even went through this whole dispute where they said, look, a lot of you are too close to schools.
01:25:35.000 You've got to close down.
01:25:36.000 There's all these legislation that got passed, and a lot of pot stores had to get closed down.
01:25:40.000 Even after that, the DEA came in. 0.99
01:25:43.000 They jackbooted these fucking kids that were working there. 0.99
01:25:47.000 There's one where this guy's stepping on this kid's neck. 1.00
01:25:49.000 The kid is totally being compliant.
01:25:51.000 They got him zip-tied on the ground.
01:25:53.000 He steps on his neck when he gets off of him. 1.00
01:25:55.000 I mean, it's fucked up to watch. 1.00
01:25:57.000 I get... 1.00
01:25:59.000 Enraged when I see that I want to beat the fuck out of that guy for doing that. 1.00
01:26:03.000 It's just it's so horrible And I think if that was your son or your daughter some 20 year old college kid who gets their heads stepped on by some fucking cunt Well, they would steal the money And then they would say that the charges are pending and never file. 1.00
01:26:17.000 So that three-quarters of a million dollars that they stole from your pot place, and you're making 20 bucks an hour or whatever working there, and they're stepping on your fucking neck and zip-tying your wrists until you have cuts on them. 0.99
01:26:30.000 For what? 0.99
01:26:31.000 And you're not even violating a fucking federal law. 0.99
01:26:34.000 Well, the last head of the DEA just resigned. 0.99
01:26:37.000 And that woman was very bad about pot. 1.00
01:26:41.000 She was awful. 0.93
01:26:42.000 Look at this number. 0.88
01:26:43.000 Look at this number.
01:26:43.000 In 2012, Texas law enforcement and prosecutors ended the year with $143 million in their forfeiture accounts.
01:26:58.000 $143,040,730.
01:27:00.000 You're talking about the system being wrecked.
01:27:02.000 This is what's wrecked about everything.
01:27:04.000 That is unbelievable.
01:27:06.000 That's one year.
01:27:07.000 The state of Texas law enforcement preying on the people of the state of Texas.
01:27:10.000 Stealing from the people.
01:27:12.000 Stealing $143 million just in a year.
01:27:16.000 I'm sorry I interrupted you about that DEA lately.
01:27:18.000 Well, not at all.
01:27:19.000 What's ironic is that she got put on.
01:27:21.000 Do you know what took her down?
01:27:22.000 Uh-uh.
01:27:23.000 A prostitution party that the DEA had. 0.98
01:27:26.000 They were hiring hookers. 1.00
01:27:27.000 Like the Secret Service. 0.99
01:27:28.000 They had a little fun.
01:27:28.000 Yeah, the Secret Service and the DEA were having fun.
01:27:32.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:27:33.000 Leave him alone. 1.00
01:27:34.000 She got taken down for that, and she's not very progressive.
01:27:37.000 And I'm hoping that the new Attorney General is... 0.98
01:27:39.000 Yeah, blame for handling of agent sex parties with hookers. 0.97
01:27:43.000 Can't they just have a little fun off the job? 1.00
01:27:45.000 You fucking nannies. 1.00
01:27:47.000 You goddamn nannies. 1.00
01:27:48.000 As long as they weren't using state money. 1.00
01:27:50.000 I mean, where'd the money go?
01:27:52.000 What money were they using?
01:27:53.000 The DEA is not exactly the most organized division of our government.
01:27:58.000 Well, we've played that.
01:28:00.000 Jared Polis was the representative of Colorado who's grilling her on what is more addictive, marijuana or crystal meth.
01:28:07.000 What is more addictive, marijuana or heroin?
01:28:10.000 What is worse for you?
01:28:11.000 I think that all drugs, and he just kept asking her, what is worse?
01:28:16.000 Is marijuana as bad as crystal meth?
01:28:18.000 Can you just answer that?
01:28:19.000 I think...
01:28:22.000 All illegal drugs are bad. 1.00
01:28:25.000 It's like the most maddening fucking bureaucratic red tape horseshit conversation. 1.00
01:28:31.000 She would absolutely never fess up. 0.99
01:28:33.000 How did she get the job?
01:28:34.000 Washington went legal, basically.
01:28:37.000 Right around her.
01:28:39.000 Looking out the window of her office, denying the reality that it's going on right in front of Yeah, and not only that, denying all the medical studies that have all been completed, turned in, peer-reviewed, observed by everyone on the internet,
01:28:55.000 it's not some crazy conspiracy.
01:28:58.000 No.
01:28:59.000 And it's not like a mystery that pot's not bad for you.
01:29:02.000 I mean, and whatever negative effects that they've attributed to it, my God, you saw that bloody diarrhea commercial.
01:29:08.000 We've already talked about this.
01:29:09.000 Not everybody has the same reaction to all sorts of different things in your body. 0.98
01:29:13.000 But when it comes to the most mild of mild, when you look at the worst case scenario for reaction for pot, god damn, it's pretty mild. 0.98
01:29:23.000 You'll probably fall asleep. 0.95
01:29:24.000 A few people seem to have issues with what?
01:29:27.000 They can't stop smoking pot?
01:29:29.000 Guess what?
01:29:29.000 People have issues with scratch tickets.
01:29:31.000 Okay?
01:29:32.000 They have issues with speeding.
01:29:34.000 There's people that can't go the speed limit.
01:29:36.000 They have an addiction to, like, pushing the limit.
01:29:40.000 Like, they want to just go, just, I can't go the...
01:29:42.000 It's not even that they're in a rush.
01:29:44.000 It's just they have this weird addiction to doing something that's naughty.
01:29:48.000 I'm just, I can't stop it. 0.99
01:29:50.000 They'll get 15, 16 fucking speeding tickets, lose their license. 1.00
01:29:53.000 They can't slow down! 1.00
01:29:55.000 It's not a Sammy Hagar song.
01:29:57.000 They're real human beings.
01:29:58.000 Right? 1.00
01:29:59.000 People are addicted to all kinds of shit. 1.00
01:30:00.000 That's why I like a lady like that. 1.00
01:30:02.000 It's really dangerous.
01:30:03.000 Yeah, it is. 0.98
01:30:04.000 Having a person like that testifying on TV, if you don't have a guy like Jared Polis, a guy who just grills her and makes her look like a fool and doesn't do it in a... 0.99
01:30:11.000 I mean, he's not being an asshole about it. 0.99
01:30:13.000 He's not being mean or... 0.99
01:30:14.000 He's not pointing fingers and yelling and using hyperbole and theater.
01:30:19.000 He's just...
01:30:20.000 Shocking use of the post, though.
01:30:22.000 I mean, they make you the head of the DEA and you're supposed to be in a semi-progressive government.
01:30:27.000 And who do you report to?
01:30:29.000 The president or Eric Holder or whoever it is?
01:30:31.000 But that's the hustle.
01:30:33.000 The hustle is that this is a semi-progressive government.
01:30:35.000 But it isn't.
01:30:35.000 There's no such thing.
01:30:36.000 They don't exist anymore.
01:30:37.000 No, they don't.
01:30:38.000 You can't get in there if you're semi-progressive.
01:30:40.000 You just can't.
01:30:41.000 You can put on the semi-progressive t-shirt when you're running for office.
01:30:44.000 Right, right. 0.88
01:30:45.000 But when they had to redact all that shit from the Hope and Change, or whatever the fuck his website was, about whistle-ballers, When people, after the Edward Snowden thing, were like, hey man, do you remember what you said? 0.95
01:30:56.000 That you were going to honor them and they were an important part of the process and blah blah blah. 1.00
01:31:00.000 Yeah, what the fuck? 0.99
01:31:01.000 And they just pulled all that stuff. 1.00
01:31:02.000 It's a dance.
01:31:03.000 It's a dance.
01:31:04.000 Everyone, essentially, who gets into office has the same master.
01:31:08.000 They all have the same master.
01:31:09.000 Oh, no question of that.
01:31:10.000 But I think what you were saying about pot, the thing people are going to get addicted to is...
01:31:14.000 The money.
01:31:15.000 Yeah.
01:31:16.000 The Colorado model is so successful, and I've been to Washington State too, and it's just spinning money for them.
01:31:22.000 And I said on my show last week, they can't have a bake sale and make this money.
01:31:28.000 The state, that kind of revenue is like found.
01:31:31.000 And I said, and you don't have to open a casino.
01:31:34.000 You know, it keeps that...
01:31:36.000 I mean, it's just, I don't know, I find it a lot more...
01:31:40.000 Acceptable and progressive than building casinos and bars everywhere.
01:31:42.000 Well, you know, when you see the ebb and the tide of society, and you see, you know, at one point in time, the Republicans were the really open-minded progressive party.
01:31:52.000 That was a long time ago.
01:31:53.000 That was what a Republican was.
01:31:55.000 What a Republican was was totally different than what a Democrat was.
01:31:58.000 It was almost like polar opposites.
01:32:00.000 And another thing that you're seeing today...
01:32:04.000 Really, lately, it seems like over the last few years, is the people who are progressive, probably as a reaction to all the assholery that they had to deal with as a young person, or what they believe is the slights and the... 0.57
01:32:19.000 Misappropriation of money for war and all the different shit that they're They should be right about they should be angry about but now they're the aggressive ones when it comes to policing speech when it comes to like Shielding people from anything that might make them uncomfortable right fat shaming There's a lot of crazy talk and really aggressive about it comes from the left now It's like they're the school marms You know, 0.82
01:32:44.000 someone wrote that on Twitter. 0.96
01:32:47.000 I think Christina Summers was... 0.98
01:32:49.000 I forget the tweet, but I retweeted it the other day, but it was so appropriate because it was exactly that.
01:32:54.000 It's like, how did this happen?
01:32:55.000 It shifted.
01:32:56.000 And then Bruce Jenner goes on TV, says he's becoming a woman, and he's a Republican.
01:33:03.000 And everybody went, wait, what?
01:33:05.000 Diane Sawyer's reaction was fantastic. 0.90
01:33:07.000 I cried laughing.
01:33:09.000 She went...
01:33:10.000 What?
01:33:10.000 And then she goes, you're a Republican?
01:33:11.000 And he goes, is there anything wrong with that?
01:33:12.000 And she goes, no, no, no, no.
01:33:13.000 So you're going to go to John Boehner and Mitch McConnell?
01:33:16.000 And he went, yeah, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
01:33:18.000 And she just went, there was a take of her, like, you're barking up the wrong tree, bro, Hames.
01:33:24.000 Well, he's an odd case.
01:33:26.000 Isn't he?
01:33:26.000 He's unique, obviously.
01:33:28.000 He's famous, he's got a past, he's a famous sports star.
01:33:32.000 There's a lot going on there.
01:33:33.000 But I think, for transgender people, I think it's amazing.
01:33:37.000 Oh, it's fantastic.
01:33:38.000 Two hours on TV dedicated to this person who's decided to become a woman. 0.65
01:33:44.000 And then here's the thing.
01:33:45.000 People will go, oh, well, you know what?
01:33:47.000 What about the possibility that what he has is a mental illness?
01:33:50.000 What?
01:33:51.000 That is possible.
01:33:52.000 Listen, it is possible.
01:33:54.000 There's all sorts of possibilities when it comes to mental illnesses.
01:33:56.000 But that was my point.
01:33:57.000 My point is, if he has a mental illness, and the worst case scenario of the mental illness is he wants to be a woman, and then he becomes a woman... 0.96
01:34:05.000 Right. 0.99
01:34:05.000 But he's a lesbian, too. 0.99
01:34:06.000 But that's way better than having a mental... 0.84
01:34:08.000 He's not going to be hetero, which was weird. 0.99
01:34:10.000 No, he's going to become a lesbian. 1.00
01:34:11.000 He's going to become a lesbian because he's... 1.00
01:34:13.000 He's a man, right? 0.96
01:34:13.000 He was using the he pronoun. 0.96
01:34:15.000 Right.
01:34:15.000 He wanted to be referred to as Bruce and he.
01:34:18.000 So, like, he has always been a woman.
01:34:20.000 Right.
01:34:20.000 So, it's very...
01:34:21.000 And, you know, you're supposed to, like...
01:34:22.000 You're supposed to not question that and let people get away with anything when it comes to he, she, gender definitions.
01:34:28.000 I guess that would be queer or whatever. 1.00
01:34:29.000 Whatever it is, whatever the fuck he wants it to be. 0.98
01:34:31.000 The point being... 1.00
01:34:33.000 First of all, why do you give a shit if he wants to remove his penis or not? 1.00
01:34:36.000 And second, if the worst case scenario is he becomes a woman, is it really so bad to be a woman? 1.00
01:34:42.000 At 65, what fucking difference does it make? 1.00
01:34:45.000 At 65, anybody who fucks you is throwing you a bone. 0.99
01:34:48.000 Let's be honest. 0.99
01:34:50.000 Don't rush me, Joe.
01:34:51.000 Don't rush me.
01:34:52.000 I'm sitting right here.
01:34:53.000 If you're going to become a woman, that's a perfect... 1.00
01:34:55.000 Don't show me anything like that.
01:34:58.000 If you want to become a woman, that's the best time when it's over anyway. 1.00
01:35:03.000 I mean, you wouldn't be a 65-year-old man or a 65-year-old woman. 1.00
01:35:06.000 Nobody wants to fuck you, dude. 1.00
01:35:07.000 Just, like, be a woman now. 1.00
01:35:08.000 It's perfect.
01:35:09.000 And you don't even need an operation.
01:35:10.000 That's what I thought was funny.
01:35:11.000 We'll just call you a woman. 1.00
01:35:12.000 Diane Sawyer was being pretty good about interviewing him.
01:35:15.000 And then when he said he wanted to be a woman, she's like... 0.98
01:35:19.000 You missed all the good years.
01:35:21.000 And I thought, that's really sexist.
01:35:23.000 You're a 65-year-old woman, Diane. 0.96
01:35:26.000 Not only that, she's basing his value on whether or not men will want to have intercourse with him.
01:35:31.000 All of a sudden, she's using the standard that I'm sure she wouldn't want to be judged by.
01:35:34.000 If I said, well, Diane, you're over 60. I don't find you as attractive as I did.
01:35:39.000 You know what I mean?
01:35:39.000 And I thought that was really a wild thing to say.
01:35:42.000 I mean, I understood it because it's a knee-jerk reactionary thing to say, like, well, you Don't do that. 1.00
01:35:46.000 You're not going to get the pussy. 1.00
01:35:47.000 Like someone would say. 1.00
01:35:49.000 But I also thought, you're a New York intellectual media chattering class, rich, involved person type.
01:35:56.000 That was a pretty weird reaction.
01:35:57.000 You missed all the good years, especially since she's that age.
01:36:00.000 Yeah.
01:36:01.000 Well, I think she has the license to say it because she's that age.
01:36:04.000 Yeah, of course. 0.92
01:36:04.000 But also, it just highlights how ridiculous the progressive structure of language has to be. 0.92
01:36:10.000 Right, right. 0.85
01:36:11.000 She can't make a joke like that to him about something like that.
01:36:15.000 Well, I thought it was funny.
01:36:15.000 It is funny.
01:36:15.000 But oh, it's so sexist.
01:36:17.000 I'm pretty sure that Diane fucking Sawyer isn't sexist against women. 1.00
01:36:21.000 I'm pretty sure. 0.99
01:36:23.000 You could be god damn reasonably certain. 0.58
01:36:26.000 No, you didn't even. 0.88
01:36:27.000 You're right in what you said. 0.98
01:36:28.000 And if you judge everybody by the standards that are really super progressive, Complainers will judge people by it, because there are certain things that people will write blogs about where you go, Jesus fucking Christ, will you stop? 0.99
01:36:40.000 Let off. 0.98
01:36:41.000 Will you just stop? 1.00
01:36:42.000 You're being completely ridiculous. 1.00
01:36:44.000 Like, here was one. 0.99
01:36:45.000 There was a fat-shaming one that I tweeted the other day about Protein World, this thing that's going on in England.
01:36:50.000 They have this billboard.
01:36:53.000 Is it England?
01:36:54.000 They have this billboard that says, you know, is your body beach body ready?
01:36:59.000 Oh, yeah, I saw that.
01:37:00.000 And there's a girl in a bikini who looks really hot.
01:37:02.000 And people got angry that they were fat shaming.
01:37:06.000 That by showing this girl, so, look at this, are you beach body ready?
01:37:10.000 Yeah, and then they took pictures of it, and they were defacing them.
01:37:12.000 Body shaming. 0.96
01:37:13.000 People were running fuck off on it and stuff like that. 0.92
01:37:15.000 No, actually, that's not true. 0.95
01:37:17.000 Like, those defacings, most of them were photoshops.
01:37:21.000 Oh, really? 0.97
01:37:21.000 Most of them were people bullshitting. 0.97
01:37:23.000 I guess I didn't read very carefully. 0.99
01:37:24.000 Yeah, well, because a lot of social justice warriors that would be really into doing something like that are incredibly socially retarded. 0.99
01:37:30.000 And they have a lot of, you know, social anxiety.
01:37:33.000 And they're not going to go out.
01:37:34.000 Some of them would. 1.00
01:37:35.000 But they're not going to likely go out and spray paint over this shit. 0.99
01:37:39.000 But going back to your point about Nupraxen or whatever that... 0.99
01:37:42.000 There's a nice gap.
01:37:44.000 The acne cream was.
01:37:47.000 Isn't this also an unrealistic, impossible body?
01:37:51.000 No, it's not if you're that girl.
01:37:52.000 But it's genetic.
01:37:54.000 I mean, if you're that girl, it's not impossible.
01:37:56.000 But it is genetic.
01:37:57.000 I mean, yeah, but we're all, you know...
01:38:00.000 There's always going to be the perfect looking people, and everyone will always want to look like them, and then there's the whole question of...
01:38:06.000 But that's not shaming, okay?
01:38:08.000 That is impressive.
01:38:10.000 That's inspiring.
01:38:12.000 That's inspiring, and if you're a girl...
01:38:13.000 Or is it only impressive because you're attracted to it?
01:38:15.000 Maybe, but if you're a woman and you can possibly look like that, which is not all women. 0.67
01:38:20.000 Some women have odd-shaped bodies. 1.00
01:38:21.000 That is just a fact. 1.00
01:38:22.000 We've all met women who are boxy or really wide, and, you know, it's probably annoying to them to see shit like that. 1.00
01:38:27.000 But guess what? 0.99
01:38:28.000 When that fucking dude who plays Tyron Lannister, what's his name? 0.99
01:38:32.000 The guy, the small man, what is this dude from Game of Thrones? 0.99
01:38:37.000 Oh, yeah.
01:38:37.000 You know the dude.
01:38:38.000 What is his name?
01:38:39.000 Peter Dinklage.
01:38:39.000 Peter Dinklage.
01:38:41.000 When Peter Dinklage sees a fucking Amber Crombie and Fitch ad with a dude with a six pack, you know, with long legs and long arms and shit, I bet that freaks him the fuck out, too. 1.00
01:38:49.000 But it doesn't mean Amber Crombie and Fitch should stop showing twinks. 1.00
01:38:53.000 With six packs to sell underwear.
01:38:56.000 It's fine.
01:38:57.000 It's not body shaming.
01:38:58.000 It's impressive.
01:38:59.000 That's what it is.
01:39:00.000 It's unusual.
01:39:01.000 It's not the mean.
01:39:03.000 That body's not the mean.
01:39:04.000 Who's got a body like that?
01:39:06.000 That woman's got a perfect body. 1.00
01:39:07.000 That's not normal.
01:39:08.000 That's not a lot of people.
01:39:09.000 And she's gray.
01:39:10.000 It's not fat shaming. 0.99
01:39:11.000 Here's the real fucking problem with that. 0.99
01:39:12.000 Here's the real problem with what they're doing. 0.99
01:39:14.000 They're selling some sort of diet plan.
01:39:17.000 Oh, is that what it was?
01:39:18.000 Isn't that what it is?
01:39:19.000 See what it is.
01:39:21.000 Well, what is it?
01:39:22.000 Is it just protein?
01:39:24.000 Let's go to the actual thing itself.
01:39:28.000 But see, people are so mad.
01:39:30.000 Like, look at that. 0.97
01:39:30.000 I smash patriarchy with a hammer. 0.97
01:39:33.000 I scroll down and look at that. 0.98
01:39:34.000 Look at this.
01:39:35.000 Look at this. 0.99
01:39:36.000 If I had a hammer, I'd smash patriarchy. 0.99
01:39:38.000 I found it. 0.97
01:39:39.000 And the hammer has feminism written on the handle. 1.00
01:39:42.000 I just want to tell you, that woman in that picture is an actual woman.
01:39:48.000 Like, she actually exists.
01:39:49.000 That's not patriarchy because someone wants to look like that. 1.00
01:39:54.000 She's attractive. 0.97
01:39:56.000 That is a sexually attractive woman. 1.00
01:39:58.000 Yes, but we're caught up in a dominant paradigm that oppresses us at all times, Joe.
01:40:03.000 If you decide to look at the world like that, you can find absolutely everywhere you go.
01:40:08.000 That's why sometimes I think it'd be fun to be a right-wing conservative because then you can just blame lots of people for stuff.
01:40:15.000 Well, how about being a left-wing radical?
01:40:17.000 It's not much difference.
01:40:18.000 No, it's exactly the same.
01:40:19.000 I have all these people I'm afraid of and all these people I fear.
01:40:22.000 But you're not so left-wing radical that this doesn't make sense to you.
01:40:26.000 Well, most things make sense if you think about it after a while.
01:40:30.000 I just don't...
01:40:31.000 I think that people absolutely would get uncomfortable if their body could never look like that, and they would walk by and see that.
01:40:38.000 But that's the breaks, you know?
01:40:40.000 That's just how...
01:40:41.000 That's life.
01:40:41.000 Life hands you weird cards.
01:40:44.000 And if you believe in freedom...
01:40:48.000 You believe that someone should be able to sell the image of that body to stand there with a bikini and use it for their products. 0.96
01:40:58.000 There's no problem with the product.
01:40:59.000 No one really did deface the boards? 1.00
01:41:01.000 No, it's all bullshit. 0.99
01:41:03.000 I thought I saw one of those the other day. 0.99
01:41:07.000 Some people might have done it, but apparently according to the people at Protein World, they had a statement.
01:41:13.000 They said that they were all Photoshopped.
01:41:15.000 I live in French Fry World, and it's a little bit different in my world.
01:41:20.000 I am Beachbody ready in French Fry World.
01:41:22.000 I'm an heirloom tomato world.
01:41:24.000 Heirloom tomato world?
01:41:25.000 Yeah, that's what I live off of.
01:41:27.000 A little balsamic vinegar, a little sea salt sprinkled on top.
01:41:29.000 Do you put mozzarella on it? 1.00
01:41:30.000 No, you don't need that fucking cow shit. 1.00
01:41:32.000 Just slice through that tomato. 1.00
01:41:34.000 Mmm! 0.89
01:41:34.000 It's one of the most delicious things in the world. 0.89
01:41:36.000 Heirloom tomatoes with a little balsamic vinegar.
01:41:38.000 Balsamic vinegar and just a little dash of sea salt.
01:41:41.000 My wife really likes that. 1.00
01:41:42.000 Mmm, so yummy.
01:41:43.000 It's beautiful.
01:41:43.000 Well tomatoes are supposed to taste like that, but those tomatoes last like an hour.
01:41:47.000 You buy heirloom tomatoes from the grocery store, those bitches are good for like a day, and then they start getting all mushy. 1.00
01:41:53.000 But when you eat them, you understand the tomatoes are really a fruit.
01:41:56.000 The difference between the big puffy watery agri-farm.
01:42:01.000 The hard ones.
01:42:01.000 Yeah, that can travel for weeks.
01:42:04.000 That's why they've bred them that way.
01:42:06.000 They bounce.
01:42:07.000 They have a tough skin.
01:42:08.000 And they don't taste so hot.
01:42:08.000 They taste really bland.
01:42:10.000 Yeah, watery.
01:42:11.000 There's a big difference between those and the Jersey beefsteak tomatoes.
01:42:15.000 They're old genes.
01:42:16.000 And that's genetically modified.
01:42:17.000 When people start talking about genetic modifications, guess what?
01:42:20.000 That's what that is.
01:42:21.000 That's what the tomatoes in the corner are.
01:42:23.000 So they can travel.
01:42:23.000 It's selective breeding.
01:42:24.000 And apples.
01:42:25.000 That's why there's only five kinds of apples instead of a thousand.
01:42:28.000 Yeah, right? 0.99
01:42:29.000 Yeah, and they're durable as fuck, too. 0.98
01:42:31.000 We eat like five different kinds of potatoes here, but in South America, obviously, where the potato was invented, there's thousands of strains. 0.98
01:42:39.000 Yeah, they have all kinds of...
01:42:40.000 Every different shape and purple and green and... 0.97
01:42:42.000 All weird preparations and shit. 0.99
01:42:44.000 Yucca. 0.98
01:42:45.000 Remember?
01:42:45.000 Has he ever seen yucca?
01:42:46.000 Yeah.
01:42:46.000 Like, how much is involved in processing that and making food out of it?
01:42:49.000 Yeah.
01:42:49.000 Oh, my God.
01:42:50.000 Yeah, it's laborious.
01:42:51.000 Did you say yucca or yucca?
01:42:52.000 How do you say it?
01:42:52.000 I would say yucca.
01:42:53.000 Hmm.
01:42:54.000 You're probably right.
01:42:55.000 But if I was Cole Porter, I'd write a song about that.
01:42:58.000 You say yucca.
01:43:01.000 But on one hand, what is that?
01:43:04.000 The humble potato?
01:43:05.000 That's all the different types of potatoes?
01:43:07.000 Oh yeah, that's amazing.
01:43:07.000 Whoa, they look really cool.
01:43:09.000 I mean, the Incas in South America and the American Indians in Mezzo and North America invented the horticulture and the husbandry, or whatever you call it, of potatoes and corn.
01:43:24.000 Corn was not an edible product until the Indians started planting it and making it into something they could eat.
01:43:30.000 And they developed it.
01:43:31.000 And the Incas and all the tribes that lived in South America and those civilizations developed all those potatoes and bred them.
01:43:38.000 That's amazing.
01:43:39.000 And so it's an extraordinary feat of agriculture and the fact that potatoes and corn Basically saved Europe from starvation in that same time period we're talking about when they were able to bring all that back from the new world Europe wasn't doing so hot with the nutrition right around then They didn't have a lot of vegetables that kept and a potato is like a perfect Vegetable right yeah,
01:44:04.000 you could actually live on potatoes almost to the exclusion of everything else and not die because it has every vitamin in it It's really rich in vitamin C and potassium too.
01:44:14.000 And D as well, yeah.
01:44:15.000 Potatoes are like this extraordinary kind of...
01:44:18.000 And what do we do with it? 0.97
01:44:19.000 We take the fucking nutritious part off of it and we boil it in fat. 0.99
01:44:22.000 Yeah, in fat! 0.99
01:44:22.000 And then put salt on it. 0.99
01:44:23.000 It's awesome. 0.94
01:44:24.000 We're so gross.
01:44:25.000 And then put it in blue...
01:44:26.000 What is it?
01:44:27.000 Ranch dressing.
01:44:28.000 And like corn, you know.
01:44:30.000 The whole argument over GMO corn and everything.
01:44:33.000 It's all GMO. Yeah.
01:44:53.000 I don't know.
01:44:54.000 They tried eating it.
01:44:55.000 You know, they grew an acre of corn.
01:44:56.000 They went through the whole process through the documentary, and then they tried to eat their corn. 0.99
01:45:00.000 They're like, what the fuck are we growing? 0.99
01:45:02.000 Isn't that horrible? 1.00
01:45:03.000 It's disgusting. 0.96
01:45:03.000 It's crazy. 0.96
01:45:04.000 It's crazy.
01:45:05.000 Well, that's when you find out how dangerous California's drought is.
01:45:08.000 Because we always associate the heartland with growing all of our vegetables, but that's not really the case.
01:45:14.000 The heartland is where we grow all the corn. 0.99
01:45:16.000 We grow a lot of different shit, obviously. 0.97
01:45:18.000 There's a lot of soy and all sorts of different things get grown. 0.98
01:45:22.000 But California's responsible for a huge percentage of the tomatoes, a huge percentage of the almonds, a huge percentage of the blueberries, avocados, strawberries.
01:45:32.000 Oranges.
01:45:32.000 Mm-hmm.
01:45:33.000 There's a lot of shit that gets grown in California. 1.00
01:45:36.000 And you find out how fucked we are with water. 1.00
01:45:39.000 So you realize, like, oh, this is a food issue for people. 0.97
01:45:42.000 It's not just a food issue for our food.
01:45:45.000 It's a food issue for people, too.
01:45:46.000 Oh, no, the whole country.
01:45:47.000 That's why I want to lead a midnight raid to Lake Mead tonight, if you guys are up for it.
01:45:51.000 You gonna steal water from Nevada?
01:45:52.000 Yeah, I got a truck.
01:45:54.000 It's pretty big.
01:45:55.000 I thought we could get some jugs and whatnot.
01:45:57.000 Now, I haven't thought this plan out the whole way.
01:45:59.000 How good is this Lake Mead water?
01:46:00.000 Well, it's pretty tasty.
01:46:03.000 It's been run through a dam, so there's, you know...
01:46:05.000 Filter, like a big Brita. 0.88
01:46:07.000 Exactly.
01:46:08.000 I don't think there's any impurities.
01:46:10.000 Put it in a bong, whatever.
01:46:12.000 Isn't it low?
01:46:13.000 Isn't Lake Mead low as well?
01:46:15.000 I feel like that was something that was a concern.
01:46:17.000 Oh, yeah.
01:46:18.000 All the reservoirs.
01:46:19.000 The drought's terrible.
01:46:20.000 This is the worst one I remember.
01:46:21.000 I don't know if you lived in California your whole life.
01:46:23.000 Are you from California?
01:46:24.000 No.
01:46:24.000 No.
01:46:25.000 I moved here in 94. Where are you from?
01:46:27.000 I grew up mostly in Boston.
01:46:29.000 Oh, Boston.
01:46:29.000 I was born in New Jersey.
01:46:30.000 I lived out here from age 7 to 11, though, in San Francisco.
01:46:33.000 Oh.
01:46:34.000 Yeah.
01:46:34.000 Well, in the late 70s, there was a huge drought in California.
01:46:38.000 And that one was the first one that I remember really getting serious.
01:46:42.000 Yeah, I was here for that, I believe.
01:46:43.000 I think that was like 78 or something, right?
01:46:45.000 Lake Mead may hit record low.
01:46:47.000 Can you believe this?
01:46:47.000 So look at the shoreline.
01:46:49.000 My God.
01:46:51.000 Yeah, the shoreline is going to be dirt.
01:46:54.000 Well, that's how Lake Travis is in Austin.
01:46:57.000 Have you seen that?
01:46:58.000 That's terrifying.
01:46:59.000 Lake Travis is way worse.
01:47:01.000 Pull up pictures of Lake Travis in Austin, Texas.
01:47:04.000 Because some folks bought these multi-million dollar gorgeous estates on the water of this amazing lake. 0.99
01:47:11.000 And they're like, honey, we are living the fucking dream. 0.98
01:47:13.000 We have a house on the lake. 1.00
01:47:15.000 Look at this.
01:47:16.000 It's incredible.
01:47:17.000 You go out your back door.
01:47:18.000 You have a cocktail. 1.00
01:47:19.000 You hear the fucking frogs. 1.00
01:47:22.000 And you're like, we live on the lake. 1.00
01:47:23.000 This is amazing.
01:47:25.000 Well, then the lake is 200 yards away now.
01:47:28.000 Oh, right, right.
01:47:29.000 They've lost most of the lake.
01:47:30.000 Your boat's in the sand.
01:47:33.000 It's not even mud anymore.
01:47:36.000 Like, your boat is laying in this mad max.
01:47:38.000 What do we do about drought?
01:47:39.000 How come no one's ever figured out how to seed clouds?
01:47:41.000 I know how to do it, bro.
01:47:42.000 I know how to do it. 0.99
01:47:43.000 You get all that water from the fucking glaciers that they're complaining about. 0.99
01:47:46.000 Let's see. 1.00
01:47:48.000 No, no, no.
01:47:48.000 You get a pipe, you put it on the water, you take the water back.
01:47:51.000 The same thing they do with oil.
01:47:52.000 Look at that.
01:47:53.000 Isn't that insane?
01:47:55.000 These are photos.
01:47:55.000 We're looking at photos right now of Lake Travis where you can see people's docks.
01:48:00.000 See those houses up there?
01:48:01.000 Those houses were like shoreline houses.
01:48:03.000 That's the water level.
01:48:05.000 So there's nothing left.
01:48:06.000 Nothing left.
01:48:07.000 So these houses, they had this big backyard, and the backyard looked over this dock, and they would go out to their boat and just... 1.00
01:48:15.000 Fucking jet set lifestyle. 1.00
01:48:17.000 Look at me, living in Austin, Texas, like a fucking gangster. 1.00
01:48:21.000 And then it all went away. 1.00
01:48:23.000 The water, like, literally all went away.
01:48:25.000 It is the craziest thing to look at from a satellite photo, or from an aerial photo, rather, because you realize where the shore used to be, there's some pretty distinct versions.
01:48:37.000 Like that.
01:48:37.000 See, that looks like a river.
01:48:38.000 That used to all be blue.
01:48:40.000 That whole thing was blue. 0.99
01:48:41.000 And they're letting that motherfucker dry out because they pump water into Lake Austin. 1.00
01:48:46.000 Lake Austin is still full. 0.99
01:48:48.000 I think they get their water from the Colorado or something.
01:48:51.000 The Missouri maybe?
01:48:52.000 What do I know?
01:48:53.000 I'm a lake expert.
01:48:54.000 But the point is, they get their water and they still...
01:48:59.000 Make sure that Lake Austin gets water.
01:49:01.000 But they don't do it to Lake Travis. 1.00
01:49:03.000 They're like, fuck it. 1.00
01:49:04.000 We gotta pick a winner. 1.00
01:49:06.000 And you ain't it.
01:49:09.000 Look at that house on the lower right-hand side, Jamie.
01:49:11.000 Look at these people just sitting there.
01:49:12.000 Oh my god, that's insane.
01:49:13.000 And what's left of the lake.
01:49:15.000 There was one in the lower right-hand side, Jamie, where you could see this big mansion that had a backyard.
01:49:20.000 Before you clicked on that one.
01:49:22.000 Yeah, right there.
01:49:22.000 Click on that one.
01:49:23.000 Look at that fucking house. 1.00
01:49:25.000 This guy used to be able to go out his back door and just fucking swim and fish and do whatever he wanted. 1.00
01:49:32.000 God, it must have been amazing. 0.88
01:49:33.000 Look at that house.
01:49:34.000 This badass house.
01:49:36.000 Power line above his house is going to kill him, though.
01:49:38.000 I was going to say, he built it underneath the...
01:49:41.000 The tower there?
01:49:42.000 He might be a ham radio operator. 1.00
01:49:44.000 He might be one of those Art Bell motherfuckers. 0.99
01:49:45.000 My wife and I went and looked at a house a while ago, one in L.A., and it was in a cool neighborhood on the east side and whatnot. 0.98
01:49:54.000 And we get there, and of course no one has shown you in the pictures on Reddit or whatever.
01:49:58.000 Or not Reddit, I don't know.
01:50:01.000 Silo? 0.99
01:50:01.000 Yeah, whatever the fucking real estate site. 0.99
01:50:05.000 One of those electrical towers, like, right in front of it on the street. 1.00
01:50:09.000 Fuck that. 0.99
01:50:09.000 And you're like, that's a little close for me to look at every day to be under. 0.99
01:50:14.000 Not only that, I don't think that's healthy.
01:50:15.000 It can't be.
01:50:16.000 Yeah.
01:50:17.000 I think there's, like, actually...
01:50:18.000 Although my hair... 0.96
01:50:19.000 This might be bullshit. 0.97
01:50:20.000 Then I'd have genius hair all the time. 0.99
01:50:21.000 Yeah.
01:50:21.000 Because it would just be...
01:50:22.000 Yeah.
01:50:23.000 I'd be like young Einstein or whatever.
01:50:24.000 Imagine trying to watch TV and you hear the sound of that thing outside your house.
01:50:28.000 Yeah.
01:50:30.000 It's a weird sound those things have.
01:50:32.000 Have you ever walked by like a real big, one of those real big towers?
01:50:35.000 Like you can actually kind of hear the electricity when you get close.
01:50:38.000 Oh yeah.
01:50:39.000 That freaks me the fuck out, man.
01:50:40.000 Especially people that live underneath those, because there's a couple in Burbank where it's like that, where you park your car on that street and you just hear that hum and the sizzle and you live right underneath that?
01:50:51.000 That can't be grid.
01:50:52.000 You look out your windows, you see your lights like just glow a little.
01:50:55.000 Right.
01:50:56.000 Just a little bit.
01:50:57.000 Your brake light's just a little glow and dimmed out.
01:51:00.000 A little glow.
01:51:01.000 We better get those trees for every one of our outlets so we don't have a surge, man.
01:51:06.000 Well, what's crazy is that Tesla, a long fucking time ago, when he was in that battle with Westinghouse, Tesla wanted to make electricity available to everyone, like radio.
01:51:17.000 Yeah.
01:51:17.000 Somehow or another you'd be pulling your electricity out of the air, and he developed some kind of a projection method of electricity.
01:51:26.000 So instead of these towers with wires that you could monitor how much electricity is going back and forth, that's how they charge you.
01:51:33.000 Instead of that, he was just gonna make everything for free.
01:51:35.000 Well, that's why he was shut down so hard.
01:51:38.000 Of course, but yeah, that's his tower of power.
01:51:42.000 I don't know what they actually called it, but that's what it says.
01:51:45.000 That's not really what it's called.
01:51:47.000 But look at that.
01:51:47.000 Yeah, Warden Clife Tower.
01:51:50.000 That's what it was.
01:51:51.000 That was his idea.
01:51:53.000 I mean, how weird was that?
01:51:55.000 He was a genius.
01:51:55.000 Is that good for you, though?
01:51:57.000 Did they know about cancer and shit back then? 1.00
01:51:59.000 What about all the cell phone towers that are everywhere that look like palm trees and shit? 1.00
01:52:02.000 Those aren't good for you either. 0.99
01:52:04.000 Can't be.
01:52:04.000 Well, I think those are not that bad, though, because I think those are just receivers.
01:52:07.000 Oh, are they?
01:52:08.000 Is that what that is?
01:52:08.000 No, they must not be receivers.
01:52:10.000 What about all the phones we used in the 90s that were this big, and when you held them up for half an hour, your teeth started to ache?
01:52:16.000 Surely those weren't good for us.
01:52:18.000 Well, he wasn't a biology major. 0.98
01:52:20.000 You know, Tesla was a guy who was interested in electrics, electronics, and thinking things through and figuring out machines, but biologically, he was pretty fucked up. 0.98
01:52:29.000 He was in love with a pigeon. 0.98
01:52:31.000 Was he really?
01:52:32.000 Yeah.
01:52:32.000 I didn't know anything about his personal life.
01:52:33.000 He was in love with a pigeon.
01:52:34.000 Yeah.
01:52:35.000 He had a love affair.
01:52:37.000 He would talk about this pigeon like it was a woman that he loved.
01:52:41.000 And he also had some sort of a strange relationship with a woman.
01:52:45.000 Again, I should preface this by saying, I got this from a documentary. 1.00
01:52:48.000 It could be totally bullshit. 0.97
01:52:50.000 And I haven't seen anything about it since. 0.99
01:52:52.000 But that he wrote something about destroying, in quotes, his sexuality. 0.74
01:52:57.000 Like he had been in some sort of an affair with some woman and it was so distracting and crazy that he might have decided to get castrated. 0.98
01:53:04.000 Wow. 0.70
01:53:04.000 Yeah. 0.70
01:53:05.000 I remember the term destroying his sexuality. 0.99
01:53:09.000 I don't remember what the fuck the... 0.99
01:53:11.000 Now I'm going to have to read about Tesla. 0.97
01:53:13.000 Yeah, me too. 0.99
01:53:13.000 God damn it. 0.99
01:53:14.000 All I know is that, you know, him and Edison fought tooth and nail, and Edison beat his ass, basically, over at Westinghouse, as you say. 0.99
01:53:22.000 Yeah, well, he also benefited greatly from knowing Tesla. 0.89
01:53:26.000 Didn't he want alternating current?
01:53:28.000 He's the reason why we have alternating current.
01:53:30.000 He wanted direct current.
01:53:31.000 Tesla wanted alternating current.
01:53:32.000 Right, and Edison had the bright idea that direct current was going to be better. 0.99
01:53:36.000 Well, you remember he used that fucking elephant. 0.99
01:53:38.000 They electrocuted that elephant to prove a point. 1.00
01:53:40.000 Edison was such a douchebag. 0.96
01:53:42.000 He killed an elephant on film just so that everybody would think that alternating current was dangerous. 0.98
01:53:49.000 How about you just don't electrocute anybody with anything?
01:53:51.000 Direct current, alternating current. 0.99
01:53:54.000 They cooked the shit out of that elephant. 1.00
01:53:56.000 They did it in like a big public place, too, which is just not that long ago, man. 0.99
01:54:01.000 Oh, no, no, no.
01:54:02.000 Think about that.
01:54:02.000 They cooked an elephant on TV in front of everybody for no reason other than to show that their competitor's method of delivering electricity was inferior.
01:54:14.000 Is this the video? 0.99
01:54:15.000 Oh, this is fucked up to watch, man. 0.99
01:54:17.000 I have a thing about elephants, man. 0.99
01:54:20.000 Elephants, they seem to be really smart, man.
01:54:22.000 Not top.
01:54:23.000 See, they are.
01:54:23.000 They're really sensitive.
01:54:24.000 Yeah, they seem to be really smart.
01:54:26.000 And they do have memories.
01:54:27.000 And they trust us.
01:54:29.000 And then, you know, you take this elephant and you lead it.
01:54:33.000 That's awful. 0.99
01:54:34.000 I mean, it's one thing if you got an elephant that's storming through villages and stomping the shit out of people and killing them, but then you gotta wonder what the fuck makes that elephant so mad? 0.99
01:54:43.000 So here they hit it with the electricity. 1.00
01:54:44.000 This is so fucked up, man. 1.00
01:54:46.000 They cooked the shit out of this elephant. 1.00
01:54:48.000 It's standing there and they're just pumping it through him. 0.99
01:54:52.000 He wants to get free too.
01:54:55.000 Yeah.
01:54:56.000 It's really hardcore when you see it come on, like here it is right there.
01:54:59.000 Bam! 0.98
01:55:00.000 You can see it.
01:55:00.000 He starts smoking.
01:55:01.000 Oh golly, that's terrible. 1.00
01:55:03.000 It's so fucked up. 1.00
01:55:04.000 Execution style. 1.00
01:55:05.000 And he just falls over completely dead and stiff. 0.88
01:55:07.000 It's so nuts.
01:55:08.000 Eek.
01:55:09.000 But that was such a new thing.
01:55:12.000 6,600 volts.
01:55:14.000 What year is that?
01:55:17.000 Does it say?
01:55:18.000 No.
01:55:21.000 1903?
01:55:21.000 1903. Whoa, 1903. 12 years ago.
01:55:25.000 Wow.
01:55:25.000 Not that long.
01:55:26.000 12 years is nothing.
01:55:28.000 That's nothing.
01:55:30.000 I wonder what they did with the elephant.
01:55:31.000 I don't know if they ate it and cooked it.
01:55:35.000 You know what I mean?
01:55:36.000 It's at Coney Island.
01:55:38.000 They probably just sliced it open and had burgers.
01:55:40.000 I don't think they did anything with it.
01:55:41.000 I bet they buried it somewhere.
01:55:42.000 I bet they wouldn't even think about eating an elephant. 0.99
01:55:44.000 Which is kind of fucked up. 0.99
01:55:47.000 This is the only saving grace to those people that hunt those elephants in other countries, is the villagers, who most of them have no meat at all. 0.99
01:55:54.000 They get to eat that elephant meat.
01:55:57.000 That's it. 0.98
01:55:58.000 Other than that, you kill an elephant.
01:56:01.000 An elephant seemed to be... 0.93
01:56:02.000 They don't just seem to be smart.
01:56:04.000 They seem to be like these intense social creatures.
01:56:07.000 They pair up.
01:56:08.000 They recognize each other after they haven't seen each other in decades.
01:56:12.000 There's this crazy video of this.
01:56:14.000 I think it's a mother and a son or something like that.
01:56:17.000 And they hadn't seen each other in forever.
01:56:19.000 And the two elephants see each other and they run to each other.
01:56:22.000 They hadn't seen each other in decades.
01:56:24.000 And they immediately recognized each other.
01:56:26.000 They have extraordinary memories.
01:56:28.000 And they can smell water.
01:56:31.000 That's why when they roam far and wide during the drought season or whatever, they can smell it and they can dig underneath.
01:56:38.000 Whoa, that's insane.
01:56:40.000 They're highly creative.
01:56:42.000 And what are those horns? 0.99
01:56:44.000 The tusks are for fighting, right? 0.98
01:56:45.000 They crash into each other and duke it out with those tusks. 1.00
01:56:50.000 They keep them for life, which is unusual, too.
01:56:52.000 And they don't ever lose them.
01:56:54.000 They don't shed them.
01:56:55.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:56:56.000 Which would save a lot of fucking death. 1.00
01:56:59.000 No kidding. 1.00
01:56:59.000 If only elephants shed their tusks. 1.00
01:57:01.000 If they did, people would want them every year.
01:57:04.000 They would want to keep them alive because an elephant alive would be worth way more.
01:57:08.000 And you just get the sheds.
01:57:10.000 You don't have to saw it off.
01:57:11.000 Right.
01:57:11.000 You just let them fall off.
01:57:13.000 And you could have, like, when they have deer sheds, like if you go to a forest any time, like near the spring, when deer start losing their antlers, you just find them and pick them up.
01:57:24.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:57:24.000 Nobody got hurt, and you can take them and people use them, they make jewelry with them and shit, and they do all kinds of different things with them, but it's this hard, bony fucking thing that grows in a year. 0.97
01:57:35.000 So if you see a moose, and they have this enormous fucking paddle, these paddles on the side of their head, I mean, they're huge! 0.97
01:57:42.000 They grew that this year, and they're gonna grow a new one next year. 0.99
01:57:46.000 Really?
01:57:46.000 Every year they grow in that thing?
01:57:48.000 Yep.
01:57:48.000 Wow.
01:57:49.000 Yeah.
01:57:50.000 That I didn't know.
01:57:51.000 Enormous.
01:57:51.000 Like the size of a door.
01:57:53.000 Oh, yeah.
01:57:53.000 Like that door to this room.
01:57:55.000 Oh, yeah.
01:57:55.000 It's not preposterous.
01:57:56.000 The spread of it.
01:57:57.000 No, no.
01:57:57.000 They're huge animals.
01:57:59.000 Yeah.
01:58:00.000 And they grow that entire thing over the course of like a month or so.
01:58:04.000 Wow. 1.00
01:58:04.000 It just grows out of their fucking head. 1.00
01:58:06.000 And the next year it'll be bigger. 1.00
01:58:08.000 And next year it'll be big.
01:58:09.000 Like this moose right here, this is a moose.
01:58:12.000 It has small antlers.
01:58:13.000 This is like a young moose.
01:58:14.000 It's only like a few years old.
01:58:16.000 And when they get like six and seven, they get bigger and bigger and bigger.
01:58:21.000 Because as they get older and they get larger and more dominant because they continue to eat, their horns actually get, their antlers actually get bigger. 1.00
01:58:29.000 So they can show, bitch, I've been around for a long fucking time! 1.00
01:58:34.000 And they come out... 1.00
01:58:35.000 You know with this huge like that's the thing that scares off the other males like look at this motherfucker. 1.00
01:58:39.000 Yeah, yeah Yeah, and that bizarre Wow, yeah, so if elephants were like that man, they would be so valuable You know it'd be so endangered if moose like if moose antlers were valuable the way elephant tusks were moose would probably be mostly wiped off the face of the earth But instead they're valued as like a renewable resource because it's more valuable to keep the moose alive so that they have more moose and eat them then just Kill them all and cut off their fucking antlers. 1.00
01:59:07.000 It's sad as shit, man, seeing that rhino that just went extinct? 0.99
01:59:12.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:59:12.000 Essentially extinct. 0.99
01:59:14.000 I mean, there's one male left and two females, and the male won't breed, and the female is too, apparently she's, the one female is, she's too weak to accept him on top of her.
01:59:26.000 Right. 0.99
01:59:26.000 Because you've got to think, rhinos are enormous, so he's got to get on top of her to fuck her, and they're basically saying, this is it. 0.99
01:59:32.000 You're looking at the last three of these rhino species. 1.00
01:59:35.000 Good night.
01:59:35.000 And I think his horn is actually cut off so that it's not valuable.
01:59:40.000 Right.
01:59:40.000 I think there's an image of that.
01:59:41.000 See, there's an image like the last remaining rhino.
01:59:43.000 Right.
01:59:44.000 They cut their horns off to keep people from poaching them.
01:59:47.000 To keep people from poaching them. 1.00
01:59:48.000 For their fucking horns! 1.00
01:59:48.000 It's what, China is it that wants the rhino horns? 1.00
01:59:51.000 Yeah, they don't know about Viagra over there. 0.99
01:59:53.000 They're still looking for tiger dick and rhino horn. 0.86
01:59:57.000 Dude, it's called Cialis. 0.98
02:00:00.000 You go to the store, you buy it.
02:00:01.000 It's expensive, though.
02:00:02.000 So what?
02:00:03.000 They make it over there.
02:00:04.000 It's cheaper.
02:00:05.000 Look at him.
02:00:06.000 His horns hacked off.
02:00:07.000 That's crazy.
02:00:09.000 Both of his horns are hacked off.
02:00:10.000 Unless they just wore him off.
02:00:12.000 Is that possible?
02:00:12.000 It is, but I think they probably cut him off because he's in a preserve.
02:00:16.000 Yeah.
02:00:19.000 The O Pezita Conservancy in Kenya.
02:00:22.000 What a crazy animal that thing is, though. 0.99
02:00:24.000 You think about all the variation that nature has to offer.
02:00:27.000 The difference between a ground squirrel, an eagle, and a rhino.
02:00:32.000 Look at that thing. 0.92
02:00:34.000 There's a famous one they brought to Europe in the 1400s, and Ger did an etching of it, and it's inaccurate because he'd only heard about it.
02:00:43.000 But it was a very famous painting, and it was a very famous rhino, and they turned it all around Europe, and then it finally croaked.
02:00:47.000 But everybody had to see it because no one had ever seen one before.
02:00:50.000 Wow.
02:00:52.000 I can't remember the name of it.
02:00:53.000 I don't know.
02:00:53.000 You'd have to look up medieval rhino or juror's rhino.
02:00:57.000 They found rhinos in the Congo.
02:00:59.000 They found rhinos in the actual jungle.
02:01:01.000 And they had only been like a legend.
02:01:05.000 Because they're more planes out.
02:01:07.000 I was going to say, I thought they lived on the Veldt or whatever.
02:01:09.000 But what happened was the climate shifted around the Congo so rapidly that planes became tropical rainforests.
02:01:19.000 All around them.
02:01:19.000 Wow, that's a sketch?
02:01:20.000 Yeah, that's a drawing by Durer.
02:01:22.000 What year is that drawing, Jamie?
02:01:24.000 Wow.
02:01:26.000 1514?
02:01:26.000 And that elephant he was told about.
02:01:29.000 That's incredible.
02:01:30.000 And it toured Europe.
02:01:31.000 It was a famous elephant.
02:01:32.000 I mean, rhino, sorry.
02:01:33.000 So he was only told about that.
02:01:35.000 Yeah, so you can see how it's not anatomically accurate.
02:01:38.000 He's kind of thrown in like...
02:01:40.000 The feet and the way the scales work and everything.
02:01:43.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:01:44.000 Yeah, it's definitely a little different, but damn. 0.99
02:01:46.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:01:47.000 Pretty fucking good. 0.98
02:01:47.000 This was like a sensation in the early 1500s in Europe. 0.98
02:01:50.000 People were like losing their shit over. 0.98
02:01:52.000 What's the other one? 0.99
02:01:53.000 The yellower one up top, Jamie? 0.99
02:01:55.000 This one?
02:01:56.000 Yeah, what is that one?
02:01:57.000 Is that the original version of it?
02:01:59.000 Whoa. 1.00
02:01:59.000 I love that shit. 1.00
02:02:01.000 I love looking at like the original version of a drawing like that. 1.00
02:02:05.000 That's just amazing.
02:02:05.000 And those are his...
02:02:06.000 See, again, we're talking about...
02:02:08.000 His scribbles.
02:02:09.000 Right, the artist's touch.
02:02:11.000 His notes all through the bottom.
02:02:14.000 Yeah, look at that.
02:02:14.000 His handwriting.
02:02:15.000 And people had elegant handwriting back then, too.
02:02:18.000 Look how much writing he's getting in at the bottom of that page.
02:02:21.000 Yeah.
02:02:22.000 And I don't know what...
02:02:23.000 I'm assuming he was writing in German in the 1500s.
02:02:26.000 I don't know if it's in Latin.
02:02:28.000 Look at how he writes the name Rhinoceros.
02:02:31.000 Rhinoceron.
02:02:32.000 Right, that's Latin.
02:02:33.000 Sounds like a Transformer.
02:02:34.000 Like there's one of them, yeah.
02:02:35.000 That sounds like a Transformer.
02:02:37.000 Rhinoceron.
02:02:38.000 Rhinoceron.
02:02:39.000 Autobots. 0.99
02:02:40.000 Well, this area of the Congo where they filmed these rhinos, they had heard about it from the locals, and they were like, what the fuck are they babbling about? 0.99
02:02:48.000 Rhinos don't live in the jungle.
02:02:50.000 And then they finally found them, and it took a while before they realized that the climate had shifted, and these plains animals were just stuck, because almost immediately, this...
02:03:03.000 Rainforest just grew around them over the course of like, you know, a few thousand years or a few hundred years even.
02:03:09.000 I don't think it was very long.
02:03:10.000 I think it was actually 2,000 years and these animals got stuck there and some of them adapted.
02:03:14.000 One of the really curious adaptations was this animal called a diker.
02:03:20.000 It's like this little tiny antelope that can now swim underwater up to a hundred yards.
02:03:25.000 It goes underwater.
02:03:26.000 They never had to do that before.
02:03:27.000 They used to just run around.
02:03:28.000 They would run.
02:03:29.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:03:29.000 So now this motherfucker can swim. 1.00
02:03:30.000 So animals can adapt over time like that. 1.00
02:03:32.000 Yeah.
02:03:33.000 And they eat fish.
02:03:34.000 Right.
02:03:34.000 And what do the rhinos do?
02:03:35.000 They're jungle rhinos.
02:03:36.000 They're jungle rhinos.
02:03:37.000 So you're saying an antelope-type animal eats fish?
02:03:41.000 Mm-hmm.
02:03:41.000 Yeah.
02:03:42.000 Well, that's learned behavior, right?
02:03:43.000 Well, most likely.
02:03:44.000 But you know what they've been finding out lately is that deer eat birds.
02:03:48.000 Do they?
02:03:48.000 We didn't know about it.
02:03:49.000 Look at that.
02:03:50.000 That's a frog.
02:03:51.000 Jesus.
02:03:51.000 Whoa.
02:03:52.000 What's it eating?
02:03:52.000 A frog?
02:03:53.000 A frog.
02:03:53.000 There's a diker eating a frog, little monster.
02:03:56.000 Wow.
02:03:56.000 I know you think of a deer.
02:03:57.000 You think of an antelope.
02:03:59.000 They're not carnivores.
02:04:00.000 Well, you definitely don't think it's going to go eat a frog.
02:04:03.000 You've got to catch a frog.
02:04:04.000 You know?
02:04:05.000 I mean, frogs don't just let you grab them.
02:04:07.000 I know.
02:04:08.000 You've got to go after that little frog. 0.97
02:04:09.000 So that thing there's um these videos we watched on one of the last podcasts of Deer eating birds and people didn't know that they didn't know so you just now told me know until like this year like this is like these to think that like You know these were these birds that would die the ground nesting Birds or birds that fall out of trees that they would get eaten by like coyotes and stuff see all those birds coming after the deer and It's because the deer is eating a bird.
02:04:35.000 And you can see it like really clearly as they get close to it.
02:04:38.000 The people who were filming this were trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. 0.90
02:04:41.000 And then as time went on, they realized this deer is following this bird around trying to bite it. 0.98
02:04:45.000 See?
02:04:46.000 See the bird on the ground?
02:04:47.000 Oh my god!
02:04:47.000 Yeah.
02:04:48.000 And so, it's following it. 0.77
02:04:50.000 See, it's chasing it, and then finally when it gets it, it bites it and starts fucking up this bird, and it's chewing it alive, and it's crazy to watch, man. 0.74
02:04:58.000 I mean, it's not just accidentally stumbling upon this group. 0.82
02:05:02.000 It's going after it. 0.99
02:05:03.000 It keeps stepping, keeps stepping, and finally it gets a hold of the bird and just starts fucking that bird up and eating it. 0.98
02:05:10.000 And apparently, look, see it? 0.99
02:05:12.000 Apparently that's what they do.
02:05:13.000 They eat birds.
02:05:14.000 And we have made them these benign, grass-eating, gentle creatures.
02:05:19.000 No, they eat birds alive! 0.99
02:05:23.000 And while the bird is squirming and trying to get away, they give zero fucks. 0.97
02:05:28.000 They have a cold-hearted bird-eating demeanor about them. 0.91
02:05:32.000 Wow, who knew that about deers?
02:05:33.000 Yeah, isn't that crazy?
02:05:34.000 There's some really close-up...
02:05:35.000 Oh, God.
02:05:37.000 There's some close-up ones.
02:05:38.000 There's a bird-eating duck.
02:05:39.000 I've got to eat duck later.
02:05:41.000 Let's not... 1.00
02:05:42.000 Birds are rude as fuck. 1.00
02:05:44.000 We can stop anytime you want, sir. 1.00
02:05:45.000 Oh, okay. 0.99
02:05:46.000 Let's wrap this bitch up now. 1.00
02:05:47.000 You want to wrap it up? 0.99
02:05:47.000 Yeah, I do. 0.99
02:05:48.000 Is there anything you need to talk about other than the book that's fucking amazing and I have a copy of it?
02:05:52.000 Did you sign it, please? 0.95
02:05:53.000 I'm gunnery.
02:05:53.000 Right here.
02:05:53.000 I'll sign it right now.
02:05:54.000 What's Kittens? 0.99
02:05:54.000 What is this? 0.99
02:05:55.000 This must be for Brian.
02:05:56.000 Brian can have it if he wants.
02:05:58.000 It's my mascot, Kittens McTavish.
02:06:01.000 You have a mascot?
02:06:02.000 Well, kind of.
02:06:02.000 It's just sort of organically evolved over the show.
02:06:04.000 Alright, I'll keep it.
02:06:06.000 It'll be my bookmark.
02:06:06.000 Is it a sticker?
02:06:07.000 It is a sticker.
02:06:08.000 I would put it on my laptop, but a lot of times I have to go to the airport and I don't want any gay rumors.
02:06:12.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.97
02:06:13.000 Wow, I'm glad that you presume that a kitten makes you gay. 1.00
02:06:16.000 It's not a giant orange cock. 1.00
02:06:19.000 But if I was, it'd be less gay. 0.99
02:06:22.000 Put it right there, man. 0.95
02:06:23.000 Let me think.
02:06:24.000 That's awesome.
02:06:25.000 See, he likes it, Brian. 1.00
02:06:26.000 Look at his fucking laptop. 1.00
02:06:27.000 It's covered with pictures of himself. 1.00
02:06:29.000 What? 1.00
02:06:30.000 He's got cats on there and shit. 0.99
02:06:31.000 All sorts of stuff. 0.99
02:06:32.000 You're on there.
02:06:33.000 I'm on there, too.
02:06:33.000 That's nice.
02:06:35.000 I have stickers all over my stuff, too.
02:06:36.000 I need more stickers.
02:06:37.000 Will you let me sign it to you, Jeff? 1.00
02:06:38.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00
02:06:39.000 And where can people buy this, Greg Proops? 1.00
02:06:41.000 Thank you for asking, Mr. Joe Rogan.
02:06:43.000 They can go on gregproops.com. 0.99
02:06:46.000 Shazam, bitches! 1.00
02:06:47.000 Boom! 1.00
02:06:47.000 Or you can go to smartestbookintheworld.com. 1.00
02:06:53.000 Booyah! 0.99
02:06:54.000 And you can pre-order it.
02:06:55.000 It comes out on May 5th, but you can pre-order it now if you wish.
02:07:00.000 And Greg Proops, you can see his live podcast. 0.99
02:07:04.000 You can actually be in the audience for some of those fuckers, right? 0.99
02:07:07.000 How do people get to that? 1.00
02:07:09.000 You are so right.
02:07:11.000 They can go on gregproops.com.
02:07:12.000 I'm going to be in... 0.87
02:07:15.000 See, I put a heart in it, too, so the gay rumors will keep swirling. 0.90
02:07:18.000 I like them.
02:07:19.000 Yeah.
02:07:19.000 I'm going to be in Brooklyn on the 7th, I think?
02:07:24.000 May 7th.
02:07:25.000 If you go on GregBruce.com or the live events on the book thing, I'm doing a bunch of podcasts across the country.
02:07:31.000 New York, Chicago, Philly, Seattle, Portland, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and book events as well in all those places.
02:07:38.000 Boom! 0.99
02:07:39.000 And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.
02:07:41.000 Dude, you're awesome.
02:07:41.000 Thanks.
02:07:42.000 It's always fun.
02:07:42.000 Thanks for having me on, Joe.
02:07:43.000 Please, my pleasure.
02:07:44.000 What a gas, baby. 0.99
02:07:45.000 Stone gas.
02:07:46.000 These shirts were made by...
02:07:47.000 These are the astronaut shirts, if you guys know what happened.
02:07:52.000 There was an astronaut that got in trouble for wearing these sexy lady shirts. 1.00
02:07:57.000 Oh, you've got the hunky, hung men of the night one. 0.96
02:07:59.000 Yeah, we tried to balance it out, so she sent us a gay one. 1.00
02:08:02.000 So...
02:08:03.000 Or a female one that women can wear. 1.00
02:08:06.000 I guess it would be more female than gay, right? 0.99
02:08:07.000 It doesn't have to be gay. 0.93
02:08:08.000 If a woman wore that I would be questioning her taste a little bit. 1.00
02:08:12.000 Would you, for real?
02:08:13.000 Well, I'm questioning Brian's right now, but I understand he's just trying to get in the spirit of the thing. 0.99
02:08:17.000 He's just being a silly goose. 0.96
02:08:18.000 Something's trapped. 0.99
02:08:22.000 The scientist got in trouble.
02:08:23.000 It was actually his friend Ellie that made these shirts, and she sent them to us, so thank you, Ellie.
02:08:26.000 Well, they're lovely.
02:08:27.000 Thank you, scientist dude out there.
02:08:29.000 Thanks, America.
02:08:30.000 That's it.
02:08:31.000 Thanks to the world, okay? 0.98
02:08:32.000 I'm not a fucking xenophobic. 0.94
02:08:34.000 I like everybody out there. 0.94
02:08:35.000 See you soon.
02:08:36.000 All right.
02:08:36.000 Bye.
02:08:39.000 Awesome.