The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #676 - Esther Ku

00:00:00.000 Fresh back from her lion hunting safari in Africa.

00:00:03.000 Esther Koo, you're here.

00:00:05.000 I understand.

00:00:07.000 This is a lion mania today, Esther.

00:00:09.000 Are you paying attention to this?

00:00:10.000 I can't.

00:00:11.000 No, what happened with lions today?

00:00:12.000 But some dude killed a loved lion that had a GPS collar.

00:00:18.000 They lured it away from this protected area where it was living and he killed it.

00:00:23.000 And they tried to hide the fact that he killed it.

00:00:27.000 He's a dentist in Minnesota?

00:00:29.000 Yeah.

00:00:30.000 It's a sad story.

00:00:31.000 Tried to destroy the tracking device.

00:00:34.000 Why?

00:00:34.000 Why did he try to destroy the tracking device?

00:00:36.000 Because he didn't want people to know that he killed this lion that was a protected lion.

00:00:40.000 Apparently they lured it away from the protected area with meat.

00:00:44.000 They dragged meat behind a car to put the scent so that this thing would follow the scent and smell it.

00:00:49.000 Did he use the GPS tracking device to find the lion?

00:00:52.000 No, they found it, allegedly, according to them.

00:00:56.000 They found out that it had a tracking device after they killed it.

00:00:59.000 So they didn't know that it was a protected lion.

00:01:03.000 Ugh.

00:01:04.000 What was he gonna do with the lion?

00:01:06.000 He's gonna put it in his office.

00:01:07.000 Just for the Instagram picture.

00:01:08.000 That's why a lot of people are pissed off because it's like this beloved lion, but yet they're only doing it for like the photo, you know?

00:01:14.000 Well, he's got a trophy room, I think, because he's killed everything. 1.00

00:01:18.000 This guy's killed fucking everything. 1.00

00:01:20.000 I think Jimmy Kimmel said he killed half of Noah's Ark. 1.00

00:01:23.000 Like, literally, it's fucked up. 0.99

00:01:25.000 Jimmy Kimmel started crying when he's talking about Lost Night on TV. And I think it was legit. 0.99

00:01:30.000 I know it was legit. 0.96

00:01:31.000 He's not a bullshit artist. 0.99

00:01:32.000 But, yeah, this guy's one of those trophy hunters that just wants to have these stuffed animals in a room. 0.99

00:01:39.000 Wow.

00:01:41.000 You know, we talked about Big Cat Derek the other day, and he had contacted.

00:01:45.000 He wants to come out and fly out and be on the show.

00:01:48.000 Okay, yeah, I'll definitely have him on.

00:01:50.000 You know what we should do?

00:01:51.000 He's one of those guys we should go visit him.

00:01:52.000 Yeah, in Texas.

00:01:53.000 We should go to Texas.

00:01:54.000 So where was his line killing? 1.00

00:01:56.000 It was in Africa, somewhere in Africa, which is a fucking huge place. 0.99

00:02:00.000 Somewhere in Africa is like saying, somewhere on Earth. 0.99

00:02:02.000 I think it was in Zimbabwe.

00:02:03.000 Zimbabwe, yeah.

00:02:04.000 I want to know the two guys that dragged it out knew that this was a beloved line, obviously, if it was such a superhero in that area.

00:02:10.000 It seems almost like a setup.

00:02:13.000 I don't know how much of a superhero a lion is to the people that live there. 1.00

00:02:17.000 To the people that live there, that's a fucking lion. 0.98

00:02:20.000 I think a lot of the people that are conservationists and people that are tourists and are visiting, that's a beloved lion. 1.00

00:02:27.000 That beloved lion will kill you, just like any regular lion.

00:02:31.000 It's not the Lion King. 0.82

00:02:33.000 People are probably more mad at him than the woman who killed the giraffe.

00:02:36.000 Ah, yeah, definitely.

00:02:37.000 Right?

00:02:37.000 Because there's no giraffe king.

00:02:39.000 No.

00:02:41.000 Like, you know, in that moment with Simba.

00:02:44.000 Yeah.

00:02:44.000 I think we love lions a lot more than giraffes, don't you think?

00:02:48.000 We love a lot of animals based on cartoons.

00:02:50.000 We really do.

00:02:51.000 And cats.

00:02:51.000 We need a giraffe cartoon.

00:02:54.000 Yeah.

00:02:54.000 Oh, Toys R Us.

00:02:56.000 They kind of have a giraffe.

00:02:57.000 But it's just a commercial.

00:02:58.000 Yeah, we need like a real cartoon, like a half hour.

00:03:02.000 Have you ever seen the video of two giraffes fighting?

00:03:07.000 They like fight to the death.

00:03:08.000 Two male giraffes over breeding.

00:03:10.000 I don't think so.

00:03:11.000 With their legs? 0.98

00:03:12.000 No!

00:03:12.000 Their necks?

00:03:13.000 They use their necks. 0.94

00:03:14.000 They use their head like a whip.

00:03:16.000 And they swing their neck into each other. 1.00

00:03:20.000 It is fucking crazy. 0.99

00:03:21.000 And then they pull like tug of war? 1.00

00:03:23.000 No, they just slam their neck into each other's ass. 1.00

00:03:27.000 They slam their neck into each other's body. 1.00

00:03:29.000 You know they have those, like, nubs?

00:03:31.000 Like, here it is.

00:03:31.000 Watch these dudes.

00:03:32.000 Watch these dudes go to war.

00:03:33.000 Oh, we can see it on this one in front of us here.

00:03:35.000 Watch these dudes go to war.

00:03:36.000 Look at this.

00:03:37.000 They slap their bodies into each other.

00:03:41.000 Look at that.

00:03:43.000 Look at that.

00:03:44.000 Come on.

00:03:44.000 How crazy is that?

00:03:45.000 Oh, my God.

00:03:46.000 They, like, whip...

00:03:47.000 They should put a wig on them. 0.99

00:03:50.000 Why would they put a wig on them? 0.87

00:03:51.000 So it'll look cool, like hair flailing everywhere.

00:03:55.000 Or a wet wig.

00:03:56.000 They're like the wet water.

00:03:58.000 A mop head. 0.62

00:04:01.000 It's just, what a crazy way to do battle.

00:04:03.000 Don't they know they have legs? 0.95

00:04:04.000 It's like sword fighting, kind of, though.

00:04:05.000 It's kind of cool.

00:04:06.000 It's like violent yoga. 0.99

00:04:07.000 If you were like a giraffe and you were smart, and you're like, okay, I see what these guys are doing, I'm gonna just kick his legs. 1.00

00:04:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:13.000 Kick him right in the fucking head. 1.00

00:04:14.000 Oh yeah, leg sweep it. 1.00

00:04:15.000 Just sweep the leg right there. 1.00

00:04:17.000 Yeah, that seems like it would give you a massive headache.

00:04:19.000 Oh.

00:04:19.000 Oh, yeah.

00:04:20.000 Well, they had one of them walk away. 0.99

00:04:23.000 These two guys, they went to war about it, and they walked away, and his whole body was fucked up. 0.97

00:04:29.000 Like, he had just massive open sores all over his legs, and his open wounds all over his legs and body. 0.98

00:04:35.000 Because of those horns they have. 1.00

00:04:36.000 They're antlers.

00:04:37.000 They're slamming their antlers into each other's bodies. 0.81

00:04:41.000 Bizarre.

00:04:42.000 So why did they get in a fight?

00:04:43.000 What do you think precipitated that fight?

00:04:45.000 Sex.

00:04:46.000 100%.

00:04:46.000 They fight over breeding rights.

00:04:48.000 This is pre-sex? 0.92

00:04:48.000 No, no, no. 0.92

00:04:49.000 They fight to make sure that they can breed.

00:04:51.000 Oh.

00:04:51.000 You know, they fight like all...

00:04:53.000 A giraffe, essentially, is like a type of deer.

00:04:56.000 It's like an antelope or that kind of hooved animal.

00:05:00.000 And all those animals, they have real similar behavior.

00:05:03.000 And they have similar behavior where they grow...

00:05:05.000 The largest ones with the biggest antlers are the ones that get to breed.

00:05:08.000 And they clash heads to make sure that they're the bigger ones.

00:05:11.000 And that's why they have these big, impressive antlers.

00:05:14.000 That's to let the females know. 1.00

00:05:15.000 Like, oh, look at this motherfucker. 1.00

00:05:17.000 Jeez. 1.00

00:05:18.000 Yeah.

00:05:19.000 The male giraffes get dark when giraffes, when they start dominating.

00:05:23.000 The dominant male, like, you can see them.

00:05:25.000 They stand out.

00:05:26.000 They're actually darker than the other ones.

00:05:30.000 Now you know.

00:05:31.000 Wow.

00:05:34.000 But yeah, you came here on Lion Day.

00:05:37.000 My Twitter feed has never exploded like this over an animal.

00:05:41.000 It's very interesting.

00:05:42.000 Yeah, it's all over Facebook.

00:05:44.000 I've been scared.

00:05:46.000 All my Facebook peeps are scared about the 100 days, 100 nights thing, about the gang violence.

00:05:50.000 Is that real?

00:05:51.000 No one really knows 100% for sure, but it's like the LA Times has it.

00:05:56.000 Everyone's talking about it, and supposedly somebody died in a popular gang, and supposedly two rival gangs decided to have a competition who can kill the most people in 100 days here in LA. And so it's called like a hashtag 100 days 100 nights and a lot of people are calling bullshit on it, 0.62

00:06:19.000 but who knows, you know? 0.97

00:06:21.000 It's the idea that we have so many people that are in gangs and so many people I mean you ever talk to one of those LA gang task force guys about how many gang members are in LA every day follows me There's a lot of fucking gangs, and there's a lot of gang members, a lot of disenfranchised young people that have nowhere to go, 0.98

00:06:39.000 criminal backgrounds, fucked, can't get a job, can't vote, can't join the military. 0.99

00:06:44.000 It's everywhere. 1.00

00:06:45.000 I think a gangbanger joined my high school, like mid-high school.

00:06:49.000 Where'd you go to school?

00:06:50.000 East Lydon High School.

00:06:52.000 Where's that?

00:06:52.000 It's in Chicago.

00:06:53.000 Oh, you're from Chicago?

00:06:54.000 Yeah, I'm from Chicago.

00:06:56.000 Sup, Ohio?

00:06:57.000 Where'd you start doing stand-up?

00:06:59.000 Um, Boston. 1.00

00:07:00.000 No shit. 0.99

00:07:01.000 Where in Boston? 1.00

00:07:02.000 The comedy studio in Harvard Square.

00:07:05.000 Oh, I didn't even know about that place.

00:07:06.000 Where's that place?

00:07:07.000 Really?

00:07:07.000 You've never been there?

00:07:08.000 No, never heard of it.

00:07:09.000 Oh my god, I know!

00:07:10.000 Wait a minute, is that the place above the Chinese restaurant?

00:07:12.000 Yeah, above the Hong Kong.

00:07:13.000 Yeah, I have been there.

00:07:14.000 Yeah, I was there once.

00:07:15.000 Yeah, that's where my first show was.

00:07:16.000 Guy got mad at me there.

00:07:18.000 What happened?

00:07:18.000 Some old guy got mad at me for something I was talking about.

00:07:21.000 I forget what it was about.

00:07:23.000 Did you guys get in a fight?

00:07:24.000 Nobody got mad at me.

00:07:26.000 Like, after the show?

00:07:28.000 You got mad at my subject matter.

00:07:29.000 The audience was laughing hard, though. 1.00

00:07:31.000 It was fucked. 1.00

00:07:32.000 It was weird. 1.00

00:07:32.000 It was like this one guy just decided that it wasn't funny. 1.00

00:07:34.000 It just hit him the wrong way.

00:07:35.000 It was just too personal for him, maybe.

00:07:37.000 Yeah, I wish I could remember what it was, but I was just laughing.

00:07:39.000 Like, you really think I'm serious?

00:07:41.000 Like, I forget what it was.

00:07:43.000 Might have been.

00:07:44.000 Eh, I'm not sure.

00:07:45.000 I'd be guessing.

00:07:46.000 Was he bigger than you?

00:07:47.000 No, he was not bigger than me.

00:07:49.000 He wanted to start a fight.

00:07:50.000 I don't think he wanted to start a fight.

00:07:51.000 I think he just wanted to express his disgust.

00:07:53.000 He wanted to, like, put a suggestion in your suggestion box to your face. 0.96

00:07:57.000 It was really dumb because it was like, like, if you were at a show and everybody else is enjoying it, it was all this laughter and all this fun going on, then you're like, no, you shouldn't be enjoying this. 0.75

00:08:07.000 Because I don't like it. 1.00

00:08:09.000 Like, that's stupid. 1.00

00:08:10.000 Just leave, you know? 1.00

00:08:11.000 I've had people tell me that.

00:08:13.000 Like, you know, I would enjoy your act so much more if you didn't use so many curse words.

00:08:18.000 Or, like, if you didn't talk about, like, sex, you know, the whole time.

00:08:24.000 And I'm just like, what do you want me to talk about?

00:08:27.000 Like, that's just what I'm passionate about sometimes, you know?

00:08:30.000 You're passionate about sex.

00:08:31.000 That's beautiful, Esther. 0.97

00:08:32.000 I am passionate about sex. 0.99

00:08:34.000 It's just ridiculous. 0.99

00:08:34.000 Isn't everybody passionate about sex? 0.99

00:08:36.000 No, there's a lot of people.

00:08:38.000 They're not alive.

00:08:38.000 They would like to pretend that sex doesn't exist because nobody wants to touch them.

00:08:42.000 Yeah.

00:08:42.000 There's a little bit of that going on.

00:08:44.000 Right?

00:08:44.000 Yeah.

00:08:45.000 There's a lot of that going on.

00:08:46.000 For sure.

00:08:47.000 But most people are passionate about sex, no?

00:08:50.000 There's a lot.

00:08:51.000 But there's some people that don't like you to talk about it.

00:08:53.000 And that's like New England, like that Boston area.

00:08:56.000 That's a big thing down there.

00:08:57.000 That's a very button-down town.

00:08:59.000 Very conservative in a lot of ways.

00:09:01.000 Everybody wears khakis and blue-collar shirts from J.Crew, you know?

00:09:07.000 That's like the Boston uniform.

00:09:09.000 There's a lot of that going on.

00:09:11.000 It's in a lot of ways.

00:09:13.000 It's a liberal town, a Democrat town.

00:09:13.000 Which is why it's a good town to start comedy in, because they're so tight.

00:09:18.000 You make them laugh, and then you go somewhere and they're like, oh, this is so easy.

00:09:21.000 Those Boston people are so hard.

00:09:23.000 Some of them are tight and uptight, and the other ones are mean and drunk.

00:09:26.000 So you've got two good groups to pull from. 0.98

00:09:30.000 The drunk Irish people. 1.00

00:09:31.000 Yeah. 0.93

00:09:32.000 Well, it's a good spot at the start.

00:09:33.000 That Cambridge place was known to be a good little spot.

00:09:38.000 That's Rick Jenkins' spot, right?

00:09:39.000 Yeah, you know, I feel like he could have a big comedy club.

00:09:43.000 He always prided himself in not advertising.

00:09:45.000 He's like, we don't advertise, and look, there's still 20 people here on a Saturday night.

00:09:51.000 And I'm like, you should advertise!

00:09:53.000 You can make so much money if you grew the club because, yeah, it's been there for a while.

00:09:58.000 People have very strange ways of looking at things, and they just decide that this is the way, oh, look, I've always done it this way.

00:10:05.000 Right. 0.95

00:10:05.000 Not advertising at a comedy club seems pretty silly. 0.95

00:10:08.000 Pretty silly, like... 0.99

00:10:09.000 How the fuck is people supposed to know? 0.99

00:10:10.000 Yeah, who's here this week? 0.99

00:10:12.000 Who knows?

00:10:12.000 You know, like, why would anyone go there?

00:10:14.000 Right.

00:10:14.000 Yeah, that doesn't make any sense, but...

00:10:17.000 So...

00:10:17.000 How many people were out of there?

00:10:19.000 There was this one gay dude that was there that was really fucking funny, like, really flamboyantly gay dude. 0.99

00:10:23.000 He was hilarious. 0.99

00:10:25.000 I forget his name.

00:10:26.000 I want to say he's Iranian.

00:10:28.000 Did they call him Persians?

00:10:29.000 Is that Tripoli?

00:10:30.000 No.

00:10:30.000 He's not Iranian.

00:10:31.000 He's Armenian.

00:10:34.000 Um...

00:10:34.000 Forget his name.

00:10:35.000 Okay, dude.

00:10:36.000 Followed him on Twitter for a while.

00:10:37.000 Lost track of him.

00:10:38.000 I don't know.

00:10:39.000 Saw him years back, though.

00:10:41.000 He was very funny.

00:10:42.000 From the comedy studio?

00:10:43.000 Yeah, from that spot.

00:10:45.000 Yeah, a lot of people came out of there.

00:10:47.000 Is there...

00:10:47.000 But there's not that much besides there, right?

00:10:50.000 I mean, what other places...

00:10:51.000 There's Nick's Comedy Stop?

00:10:52.000 They still have open mic nights there?

00:10:53.000 I don't know.

00:10:54.000 You don't know?

00:10:55.000 You never go there?

00:10:56.000 I don't know.

00:10:56.000 I haven't been there in a while.

00:10:57.000 When did you start doing stand-up?

00:10:59.000 Like, um...

00:11:02.000 10...

00:11:03.000 10 years ago?

00:11:04.000 Like 10, 11 years ago.

00:11:06.000 Yeah, but I had a full-time job when I started.

00:11:08.000 What were you doing?

00:11:08.000 I was a sales rep.

00:11:10.000 I was slinging pens.

00:11:13.000 Pens?

00:11:13.000 Yeah.

00:11:13.000 Like the kind of pen you're holding?

00:11:14.000 Yeah.

00:11:15.000 That's why you're automatically holding this pen.

00:11:17.000 You're displaying it.

00:11:19.000 She has all the tricks. 0.99

00:11:20.000 Let me see your moves.

00:11:21.000 Oh, well, it's not really that hard to do.

00:11:24.000 Well, you do it.

00:11:25.000 Yeah.

00:11:25.000 Okay.

00:11:26.000 What are you doing?

00:11:27.000 You're just going back and forth?

00:11:28.000 Yeah.

00:11:29.000 Okay.

00:11:29.000 I'm pretty sure I could do that.

00:11:31.000 Can I get a pen?

00:11:35.000 Okay, let me see what you're doing here.

00:11:36.000 Like this here?

00:11:37.000 That's it?

00:11:38.000 Yeah.

00:11:39.000 That doesn't seem that hard.

00:11:40.000 Am I doing it?

00:11:41.000 No, you have to get, like, the right balance.

00:11:44.000 This is amazing for people at home.

00:11:45.000 This is what everybody, like, in libraries do in college.

00:11:48.000 Look at the drumstick.

00:11:48.000 Twirling the drumstick.

00:11:49.000 Oh, okay.

00:11:50.000 It looks cooler now.

00:11:52.000 No, you're doing it wrong.

00:11:53.000 You have to do it between your thumb and your index finger.

00:11:56.000 Between your thumb and your index finger?

00:11:58.000 Yeah.

00:11:59.000 Put the bottom of the pen here.

00:12:00.000 Okay.

00:12:01.000 Like, in that little pocket.

00:12:02.000 Right.

00:12:04.000 Wait, you have to place it here.

00:12:05.000 I think my fingers are too fat.

00:12:07.000 Oh, there?

00:12:08.000 You have to put this here.

00:12:09.000 This is so boring for people listening. 1.00

00:12:11.000 They're twirling a fucking pen. 1.00

00:12:13.000 Who is this girl? 1.00

00:12:15.000 So what did you do?

00:12:16.000 You slung pens?

00:12:17.000 You used to go door to door to offices and stuff?

00:12:20.000 No, that's not how pens are sold these days.

00:12:23.000 I don't know.

00:12:23.000 But everybody says door to door.

00:12:25.000 That's what everybody says?

00:12:26.000 Yeah, it went from encyclopedias to knives to pens.

00:12:30.000 Vacuum cleaners.

00:12:31.000 Have you ever bought a pen?

00:12:34.000 Yes, I have bought pens.

00:12:35.000 Okay, did somebody knock on your door and say, would you like to buy a pen, sir, today?

00:12:38.000 No, but I don't live in Ohio.

00:12:42.000 True, it was huge in Ohio.

00:12:44.000 So how did you buy your pens?

00:12:45.000 I go to the store.

00:12:46.000 Which store?

00:12:47.000 Various stores.

00:12:48.000 I'm not loyal to one pen store.

00:12:51.000 Exactly!

00:12:51.000 They sell pens everywhere.

00:12:53.000 So that's what you'd do?

00:12:53.000 You'd show up at like Office Depot or something like that and go, yeah, what's up?

00:12:57.000 And fix the pen display, give them samples of like the new Sharpies, you know.

00:13:01.000 Here's the newest technology.

00:13:01.000 Throw pizza parties for them if they sold the most pens that week out of like our competitors' pens.

00:13:08.000 So you had like a truck that you used to drive around in, filled with pens?

00:13:12.000 I had a Volkswagen Beetle that had like Sharpie written all over it.

00:13:16.000 Really?

00:13:16.000 Like a neon car.

00:13:18.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:13:18.000 And then they got me a Trailblazer, but it was a two-wheel drive, and I was living in Boston, driving a real-wheel drive fucking Trailblazer. 0.97

00:13:27.000 When it snows. 0.86

00:13:27.000 They wanted to get rid of me because I didn't want to get promoted because I wanted to just keep doing comedy. 0.86

00:13:31.000 I had a free car and I was driving around New England, New Hampshire, everywhere doing shows.

00:13:37.000 So you got to do your gigs with that car?

00:13:39.000 Yeah, I got to drive comedians to shows and I had a gas card so I didn't need to pay for gas. 0.99

00:13:45.000 Oh shit, what a great deal for a comic. 0.99

00:13:48.000 What an amazing day job for a comedian. 1.00

00:13:50.000 That's perfect.

00:13:52.000 More than perfect.

00:13:53.000 So did you do like the whole New England circuit?

00:13:55.000 And I would give pens to everybody, yeah.

00:13:55.000 Did you give pens to people at shows?

00:13:57.000 I would give pens to comedians.

00:13:58.000 Oh. 1.00

00:13:59.000 Hey, write your jokes down, bitch. 1.00

00:14:00.000 Right. 1.00

00:14:02.000 Write some new material.

00:14:03.000 So you did all the New England circuit?

00:14:06.000 I did.

00:14:07.000 All those little Route 99?

00:14:09.000 Yeah, I went to Albany.

00:14:10.000 Route 1 in Saugus, do Giggles.

00:14:12.000 Concord, New Hampshire.

00:14:15.000 Yeah, the one in just everywhere, all of those.

00:14:17.000 So you kind of cut your teeth doing the Boston Road scene.

00:14:20.000 Yeah.

00:14:21.000 That's a good scene.

00:14:22.000 If it still exists, I don't know what it's like now.

00:14:24.000 It does exist.

00:14:25.000 Does it?

00:14:26.000 Yeah.

00:14:26.000 Yeah, Tony V still lives there.

00:14:28.000 He does still live there.

00:14:29.000 He still makes a living doing that?

00:14:31.000 Yeah.

00:14:32.000 I just saw him on a TV show.

00:14:34.000 Tony V's hilarious.

00:14:35.000 Yeah.

00:14:36.000 He's such a good dude, too.

00:14:37.000 He's so funny.

00:14:38.000 He gave me the best piece of advice anybody ever gave me about driving.

00:14:41.000 He was driving back and forth from Boston to New York.

00:14:45.000 And I said, how do you do it without going crazy?

00:14:47.000 And he said, when I sit in the car, I just go zen.

00:14:50.000 And I say, this is what I'm doing.

00:15:10.000 Have to.

00:15:15.000 I don't have to.

00:15:15.000 I'll listen to talk shows and stuff, but it's just so powerful to drive while blasting music.

00:15:24.000 I just have a party in my car.

00:15:27.000 I'm driving by myself, and I'm like, born in the USA! Is that what you're singing?

00:15:32.000 Well, I mean, whatever song...

00:15:34.000 Jesus Christ, why'd you pick that?

00:15:37.000 I think of you for more of a Katy Perry girl.

00:15:41.000 California girls are undeniable. 1.00

00:15:43.000 I do love Katy Perry.

00:15:45.000 That song was brutal. 0.99

00:15:47.000 I would like to introduce you to a bunch of California girls that are gross. 1.00

00:15:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:51.000 That are monsters.

00:15:52.000 Yeah, I know.

00:15:53.000 All these California girls are getting the Beach Boys song, too. 0.54

00:15:55.000 They get all this free publicity.

00:15:57.000 I wish they all could be California.

00:15:58.000 There's no song about Illinois girls.

00:16:01.000 There should be, right?

00:16:02.000 Illinois girls are solid. 0.99

00:16:04.000 Texas girls, those are some solid girls. 1.00

00:16:07.000 Right?

00:16:08.000 Yeah.

00:16:08.000 Georgia?

00:16:09.000 Georgia?

00:16:10.000 I think.

00:16:10.000 Texas?

00:16:11.000 Yeah.

00:16:11.000 How about Florida?

00:16:12.000 No.

00:16:13.000 If you want to get crazy though.

00:16:14.000 No, those are the worst.

00:16:14.000 Stripper land.

00:16:16.000 If you want to buy pills.

00:16:17.000 No, all of them are cookheads.

00:16:19.000 All of the Florida girls? 0.99

00:16:21.000 Yeah.

00:16:21.000 It seems like that's probably the state, between Florida and Arizona, it's the state where you can guarantee if you go out you're going to run into people coked up.

00:16:29.000 Oh yeah.

00:16:29.000 Those are these two spots.

00:16:32.000 I find coke, yeah.

00:16:34.000 You know what?

00:16:34.000 That did happen to me at a show in Florida once.

00:16:36.000 Somebody offered you coke?

00:16:37.000 These girls, they were all like, you know, dressed like they're going to the club or something. 1.00

00:16:42.000 You know?

00:16:42.000 And after a show, it was a comedy show in a barber shop in Wynwood.

00:16:46.000 And after the show, these girls came up to me and they're like, you're so funny!

00:16:50.000 You're so funny!

00:16:51.000 You know?

00:16:52.000 And they're like, come, come, come!

00:16:53.000 And they like brought me to the bathroom and they pull out a key with coke on it.

00:16:59.000 And they were like, handing it to me to be nice, I guess.

00:17:01.000 Like, let her have the first sniff. 0.92

00:17:03.000 And I was like, no, I don't...

00:17:04.000 I'm like, I don't do that.

00:17:07.000 Then they hate you.

00:17:08.000 No!

00:17:09.000 Then they turn on you.

00:17:10.000 Did they?

00:17:11.000 I don't remember.

00:17:11.000 What, are you too good for us?

00:17:12.000 You too good for Coke?

00:17:13.000 Wait, why would you turn down Coke?

00:17:16.000 Well, because I don't think coke is fun.

00:17:18.000 You don't?

00:17:19.000 No.

00:17:19.000 So you've done coke before.

00:17:20.000 Yeah.

00:17:21.000 And you were too addicted to it.

00:17:23.000 It just makes you twitch and not stop talking.

00:17:26.000 And I just start freaking out like I'm on too much coffee, you know?

00:17:30.000 I never did it, but I did drink the tea.

00:17:32.000 I drank this tea called Mate de Coco.

00:17:34.000 It's made out of cocoa leaves. 0.99

00:17:35.000 And I couldn't shut the fuck up. 0.98

00:17:37.000 I did it with Stanhope. 0.99

00:17:39.000 And I remember I kept telling him, dude, I can't shut the fuck up. 0.98

00:17:42.000 This is driving me crazy. 0.98

00:17:43.000 And you're aware of it.

00:17:44.000 Yeah, it's terrible.

00:17:45.000 It's the worst drug for me.

00:17:46.000 It's horrible.

00:17:47.000 Because the words are escaping.

00:17:50.000 It makes you stay up so late.

00:17:51.000 That it does.

00:17:52.000 The whole next two days are just wasted.

00:17:55.000 You can't be productive with anything.

00:17:57.000 Yeah, I have a friend who just did ecstasy, and he said the same thing. 0.77

00:18:01.000 He said after it was over, like, the next day he felt so shitty.

00:18:05.000 He's like, he couldn't do anything.

00:18:06.000 There's a way to do ecstasy, right?

00:18:08.000 Like, new mood.

00:18:09.000 Take a shitload of new mood before you go to bed.

00:18:12.000 Just, like, vitamin C. That's one of those things where you can do it correctly, and I've had it where I've woken up and had zero hangovers the next day.

00:18:19.000 He's really fit, though, and I wonder if the difference between a guy that is always working out, eating healthy, drinks a lot of water, takes care of his body, when he really feels like a shitty day, whereas you booze it up all the time, you're smoking all the time.

00:18:35.000 Well, you're not smoking anymore, right?

00:18:36.000 You're still off? 0.98

00:18:37.000 I kind of fucked up in Toronto, so... 0.97

00:18:39.000 Are you back on now? 0.97

00:18:40.000 I'm just having a few a day now, type thing.

00:18:43.000 Smoking cigarettes?

00:18:44.000 Yeah.

00:18:45.000 Have you ever tried to be hypnotized?

00:18:49.000 No, that doesn't work on me.

00:18:51.000 No, it will work, dude.

00:18:52.000 You just gotta get a real person. 0.99

00:18:53.000 People that say to read that book, no, I hate reading books so much that the whole time I'm gonna be like, fuck this book and everything it stands for. 0.85

00:19:01.000 Books are awesome. 0.97

00:19:02.000 It's just wasting my time.

00:19:03.000 I look at a book and I'm thinking a million things, other things.

00:19:07.000 That's like when you say you're in the car playing music, I'll drive and sometimes realize I'm not even listening to anything because I have a million things I'm thinking about.

00:19:15.000 I'm multitasking all over the place.

00:19:17.000 So you can't read a book because you can't concentrate enough to read a book?

00:19:20.000 I mean, I can read a book and make myself concentrate to read a book.

00:19:23.000 You never sit down and read a book.

00:19:24.000 You never, like, read fiction.

00:19:26.000 Not since the internet was made, because I read the internet so much.

00:19:28.000 Your eyes are going to deteriorate in, like, ten years.

00:19:32.000 You have to, like, give your eyes a break.

00:19:34.000 Jesus.

00:19:35.000 I read a Stephen King book every day.

00:19:38.000 We're going to be doing a benefit for him in ten years.

00:19:40.000 Like, please help save Brian Redman's eyes.

00:19:43.000 You know, the surgery costs.

00:19:46.000 Well, they're really close to some artificial lens.

00:19:48.000 Did you see that thing they had on the internet recently?

00:19:50.000 They're creating some artificial lens for the human eye that's way better than any vision that you'll ever have.

00:19:55.000 I thought they already had that.

00:19:56.000 Didn't they have their first implant?

00:19:58.000 I don't know.

00:19:58.000 But there's some new one that they've developed, some artificial lens.

00:20:02.000 See if you can find it.

00:20:03.000 But there was some talk about it.

00:20:06.000 Like a contact lens?

00:20:07.000 No, it's going to be like something they insert into your eyes.

00:20:09.000 In your eye.

00:20:10.000 Yeah, they're going to do surgery on you.

00:20:12.000 What do you think about people who want to put chips in kids to prevent kidnappings?

00:20:18.000 Or to be able to find your kid?

00:20:20.000 It sounds like a great idea if that's what it does, if it prevents kidnapping and so you could find your kid.

00:20:26.000 The problem comes when people use it for other reasons, like to know where your kids are, because I don't like you, or to know where your kid is when they become an adult, and maybe someone doesn't like their opinion on something, or maybe they're about to expose some business corruption or government corruption,

00:20:44.000 but people know where they are at all times. 0.96

00:20:46.000 That seems fucked up. 0.92

00:20:48.000 It just seems fucked up because we can't quite track everything that everybody does. 0.98

00:20:53.000 I think eventually we'll be able to track everything everybody does all the time. 0.93

00:20:56.000 There's this Radiolab show called Eye in the Sky.

00:20:58.000 What is this?

00:20:59.000 The implant.

00:21:00.000 What does it say?

00:21:00.000 It says, uh, BC optometrist sees way for a bionic lens implant.

00:21:06.000 Imagine seeing three times better than 20-20 vision, even at the age of 100 or more.

00:21:12.000 Yeah, so that's what they're...

00:21:13.000 Wow, that's amazing.

00:21:14.000 That's the future.

00:21:15.000 So this Radiolab podcast called The Eye in the Sky is, I think that's the name of the episode, and it's all about these...

00:21:22.000 This technology they developed that they put on planes, and they fly these planes overhead, and they take detailed images of everything on the ground.

00:21:30.000 So they do it like click, click, click, like it's constantly, as it's flying, taking millions and millions of photos.

00:21:36.000 So, if something happens, what they can do is find out where it happened, when it happened, then go to the eye in the sky footage, they go to that section of the footage, they go, okay, let's take it to 3.30 today, yup, there's the car, there's the guy who gets out of the car, there's the guy getting The guy gets back in the car and drives off.

00:21:54.000 Let's find out where the car goes.

00:21:55.000 And they just follow the car.

00:21:56.000 So they have all the images of everything that's happening.

00:21:59.000 And they're going to use this in places like Iraq.

00:22:01.000 And they're going to try to use this in places like Detroit and places where there's a lot of crime and a lot of violence.

00:22:07.000 But, you know, people are resisting it, obviously, because they're going to catch people doing all kinds of stuff.

00:22:12.000 They're going to catch people cheating on their wives and their husbands. 1.00

00:22:14.000 They're going to catch people stealing from work.

00:22:16.000 They're going to catch people...

00:22:17.000 Not going to work.

00:22:18.000 Yeah, fill in the blank.

00:22:19.000 You say you're here, but you're there.

00:22:21.000 Someone's going to have access to it.

00:22:23.000 You said you couldn't work because of this, but we have footage of you at home.

00:22:26.000 It just gets weird.

00:22:28.000 It gets weird when someone can just find where you are all the time.

00:22:32.000 But it kind of seems like that's where it's going.

00:22:35.000 It's already there.

00:22:36.000 Yeah, pretty close.

00:22:38.000 Yeah.

00:22:39.000 You know, my problem with putting chips in kids is that it'll prevent predators from kidnapping kids, but what if he finds where the chip is and then scrapes it out?

00:22:54.000 You know what I mean?

00:22:55.000 He could hurt the child if it's implanted in their skin. 1.00

00:22:59.000 That's true, but I don't think you're gonna save that kid by not having it in their skin when he's just gonna fuck the kid and kill him or whatever the hell he's gonna do. 1.00

00:23:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:07.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:23:08.000 I see what you're saying, like someone would want to cut it out, but...

00:23:10.000 If they could find it.

00:23:11.000 The kind of person who would cut an implant out of a kid is not planning on doing...

00:23:15.000 Well, other than that, my intentions are completely altruistic. 0.99

00:23:19.000 I fucking hate chips. 0.99

00:23:21.000 I just have to cut the chip out of this kid. 1.00

00:23:24.000 You're dealing with...

00:23:25.000 It's a weird privacy issue that I think eventually is going to get to the point where it's going to be a moot point.

00:23:30.000 Because there's going to be so much access to where everybody is all the time.

00:23:34.000 It's gonna be pointless.

00:23:35.000 Well, like, these cameras are just getting more and more HD that, like, you'll be able to, like, just take out your phone, take a picture, and, like, you're in line at Starbucks or whatever, and somebody pulls out their credit card to pay, you'll be able to take a picture and then just know that person's whole credit card number.

00:23:50.000 Yeah.

00:23:50.000 You know?

00:23:51.000 Oh, yeah, definitely.

00:23:52.000 Like, you're gonna be able to zoom in so much.

00:23:53.000 Like, this thing is gonna get more and more...

00:23:56.000 The spreading of the fingers to make things bigger?

00:23:58.000 Yeah.

00:23:59.000 They used that eye in the sky thing in Juarez to catch this man who had killed this female police officer.

00:24:09.000 They shot this female police officer or mayor or something like that.

00:24:11.000 Some female person in charge. 1.00

00:24:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:24:29.000 And they would just, you know, run around doing murders and robbing people and they were all holed up in this one house like a fucking movie. 0.98

00:24:37.000 And so they just stormed the house and arrested everybody. 1.00

00:24:39.000 Holy shit. 0.98

00:24:40.000 So they're trying to use it as like one of those things where they're saying that this is eventually going to be something that comes in very handy and it's going to be everywhere. 0.99

00:24:47.000 How does that eye in the sky deal with clouds?

00:24:49.000 Like if it's like in Ohio, it could be cloudy for a week.

00:24:51.000 That's a good question.

00:24:52.000 They probably fly under the crowds if possible.

00:24:56.000 If not, there's probably nothing they can do.

00:24:58.000 Yeah.

00:24:59.000 So if you're going to want to be a nefarious criminal, live in Ohio in the winter.

00:25:03.000 Wait for a cloudy day.

00:25:04.000 Yeah.

00:25:04.000 It's a good point.

00:25:07.000 You could just put those chips, you know, in the kids, put them on their dick, so if a kidnapper takes the baby, they're not going to ruin the best part of the baby, you know, and they're not going to cut the dick out. 1.00

00:25:16.000 Oh my God. 1.00

00:25:17.000 Put it in the dick hole. 1.00

00:25:20.000 Best part of the baby, like it's an artichoke. 1.00

00:25:23.000 Like it's artichoke hearts. 0.69

00:25:24.000 They're not going to fuck up the goods, right? 0.96

00:25:25.000 Did you think about that before you said it?

00:25:27.000 Did you go, this is the good thing to say right now.

00:25:29.000 This is perfect.

00:25:31.000 This is going to be awesome.

00:25:32.000 Everyone's going to enjoy this show.

00:25:34.000 Everybody thinks like me.

00:25:35.000 This is perfect.

00:25:36.000 We talked briefly last night about that alien, that CIA agent.

00:25:41.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:42.000 The cat.

00:25:42.000 It's a hilarious story.

00:25:44.000 It's a really interesting...

00:25:45.000 And if you listen to the interview of the...

00:25:47.000 Supposedly, this guy died.

00:25:49.000 They found him in an SUV in the Pacific Palisades.

00:25:52.000 And he had been there, I guess, for four days.

00:25:55.000 And what happened is his girlfriend knew that he died.

00:25:59.000 And thought he was a hybrid of an alien and a CIA agent.

00:26:06.000 So he thought, she thought, she better leave the body.

00:26:08.000 The government knows he's dead.

00:26:10.000 They'll take care of the body because he's not supposed to exist type thing.

00:26:14.000 So went up to Washington and they The cops found the body.

00:26:19.000 He's been there forever.

00:26:21.000 They go into his house.

00:26:21.000 He has millions of dollars worth of guns.

00:26:24.000 And then he also has large amounts of cash everywhere.

00:26:28.000 Millions?

00:26:28.000 That's what they're saying.

00:26:29.000 1,200 guns is not millions of dollars.

00:26:32.000 They said last night on the news that it was a collection worth of millions of dollars.

00:26:35.000 It could be over a million if each gun is worth a thousand bucks, right?

00:26:38.000 Well, I guess some of them are just really like antiques, like collectors and stuff like that.

00:26:42.000 It's like a huge collection.

00:26:43.000 So it doesn't look like he's like was...

00:26:46.000 Broke.

00:26:46.000 Broke, right.

00:26:48.000 Obviously.

00:26:48.000 And $230,000 in cash, 14 vehicles stashed around Los Angeles.

00:26:54.000 14 vehicles registered to him, including an SUV designed to drive underwater.

00:26:59.000 Maybe that should be a red flag. 0.98

00:27:00.000 He's a nut.

00:27:01.000 And the SUV to drive under the water is something that this ABC7 is just blowing up a portion. 0.84

00:27:06.000 That's actually a common thing that you put on the bottom of SUVs so when you run over puddles it doesn't flood out the engine.

00:27:12.000 Well, sort of.

00:27:13.000 You don't put it on the bottom.

00:27:14.000 It's a snorkel.

00:27:15.000 It goes out the front fender.

00:27:17.000 It's real common for off-road vehicles, like Land Rovers, like Defenders, those Land Rover Defenders.

00:27:25.000 So that thing with the big pipe tube that comes off the side of the car.

00:27:28.000 Yeah.

00:27:28.000 You see them in Jeeps sometimes.

00:27:30.000 Toyota Land Cruisers, a lot of times they hook those up with them.

00:27:33.000 People just like it. 1.00

00:27:34.000 They like the fact they could just say, I could drive underwater, bitch. 1.00

00:27:37.000 Play this video. 1.00

00:27:38.000 I want to hear this, Jamie.

00:27:41.000 1,200 guns.

00:27:42.000 That seems a little excessive.

00:27:45.000 Commercial.

00:27:47.000 But what's weird is that they haven't really released a picture of him or any news, and he's had prior convictions where he's gotten off where you can only get off if you were somebody that works high up.

00:27:59.000 Well, you mean arrests, not convictions.

00:28:01.000 Arrests, yeah.

00:28:02.000 He had a gun, I believe, at LAX or something.

00:28:04.000 There's a lot of message boards that are really digging into this guy and finding all this interesting stuff.

00:28:08.000 Whose names did he register all these guns under?

00:28:11.000 That's what it looks like.

00:28:12.000 It was all somehow done.

00:28:14.000 Here.

00:28:19.000 That guy sounds like his nose is clogged up.

00:28:23.000 That guy was doing blow all night for sure.

00:28:31.000 That's very nasal.

00:28:36.000 He's drinking scotch.

00:28:37.000 That guy's drinking scotch.

00:28:41.000 Nice house.

00:28:43.000 Really nice house.

00:28:51.000 Wait a minute, from outer space?

00:28:53.000 Not Mexican? 1.00

00:28:55.000 So he's really...

00:28:57.000 Look at all those guns! 1.00

00:29:02.000 Holy shit! 1.00

00:29:04.000 I first thought she was crazy. 1.00

00:29:09.000 Sounded crazy to me.

00:29:11.000 Catherine Nebron claims Lash actually died two weeks earlier on July 4th in a parking lot in Santa Monica.

00:29:17.000 Nebron says she and the missing Oxnard woman, Don Vatbunker, tried to save his life.

00:29:22.000 They worked for about three hours trying to keep him alive.

00:29:24.000 He refused 911. He didn't want to go to an emergency room.

00:29:28.000 He didn't want any police, so he died there.

00:29:31.000 Nebron says she then took him back to his home and left him there.

00:29:34.000 She believed that he was involved in some, you know, surreptitious activities, governmental projects, whatever.

00:29:42.000 And so her instructions were that if anything happened to him, they, whatever they is, would take care of the body.

00:29:48.000 They believed that they were being watched all the time.

00:29:51.000 I was told they were being watched all the time.

00:29:54.000 I was told our house was being watched all the time.

00:29:57.000 Nebron and Vat Bunker claimed they drove to Oregon to forget about what happened.

00:30:02.000 Nebron returned two weeks later and was stunned at what she found.

00:30:06.000 When she got back.

00:30:08.000 The body was still in the car, and that's when she decided she better call a lawyer.

00:30:12.000 Braun says when police searched the house, they found 1,200 guns, 6 1⁄2 tons of ammunition, and $230,000 in cash.

00:30:20.000 Vat Bunker was found alive and well in a motel in Oregon.

00:30:23.000 Meanwhile, Vat Bunker's mother adds another twist about Jeffrey Lash.

00:30:27.000 We were all told that he was half alien, half man.

00:30:32.000 He was here to save the world.

00:30:34.000 And he was higher than a CIA, so he was special ops for the government.

00:30:39.000 What?

00:30:40.000 Well, detectives are now working on the downer.

00:30:43.000 This is actually on the news.

00:30:45.000 Oh, my God.

00:30:46.000 And checking to see if any one of those weapons was connected to any crimes.

00:30:49.000 Can they at least sketch what he looks like?

00:30:51.000 Yeah, they don't have any pictures of them.

00:30:52.000 There's no photos, but at least get a drawing.

00:30:55.000 There's one drawing that looks a lot like Will Smith from Men in Black 2. It's so stupid that all you have to do is have some guns and some cash and a stupid story and you'll make the news. 1.00

00:31:07.000 I mean, that's really what this is about. 1.00

00:31:09.000 This is really about guns and all we know...

00:31:11.000 It's become a contest.

00:31:12.000 All we know is he was involved...

00:31:14.000 No, you don't know anything.

00:31:15.000 This is what you know.

00:31:15.000 You got guns and you got cash and you got a dead dude.

00:31:18.000 And because of that, everybody's getting crazy.

00:31:20.000 A dead half alien dude. 0.99

00:31:21.000 Like, if he only had, like, five guns, he would be like, well, he was a gun enthusiast.

00:31:25.000 And if he had 20 guns, people are like, well, what was he planning?

00:31:28.000 But when you have 1,200 guns, then you're on TV. Then you make the news.

00:31:33.000 And what's weird is that most gun collectors don't usually have ammo for all the weapons because they never plan on firing, and they have these guns, and he had ammo for all these weapons.

00:31:41.000 I don't think he was a, oh, he's suffering from late-stage cancer.

00:31:46.000 I don't think that he's a collector as far as he's...

00:31:51.000 I mean, he's got all those guns, but it's not like he's got them in cases.

00:31:54.000 It sounds like such a fake name.

00:31:55.000 Christopher Columbus's musket.

00:31:57.000 Have you ever met anybody with a last name Lash?

00:32:00.000 I know, it sounds like a Terminator movie.

00:32:02.000 That's not a real name.

00:32:03.000 And her name was Bunker, and that picture, like, what...

00:32:06.000 Scroll back up to that picture, Jamie?

00:32:07.000 What is it?

00:32:08.000 No, down.

00:32:09.000 Yeah.

00:32:10.000 Lash on thousands of firearms, 14 specially equipped cars, among other strange, unusual items.

00:32:15.000 So what is that?

00:32:16.000 Is, like, workbench in there?

00:32:17.000 Yeah, and look at all the piles of cash.

00:32:19.000 I mean, they're saying all the cars were specially equipped, you know, like, with weird things. 0.96

00:32:24.000 So he's a nut. 0.92

00:32:25.000 He's probably one of those preppers. 0.90

00:32:27.000 It's just amazing that this could actually become a story, just because he has cash.

00:32:31.000 Now they're going to make a movie out of it.

00:32:33.000 Yeah.

00:32:34.000 And who's going to play Lesh?

00:32:35.000 This is probably already a movie, right?

00:32:38.000 Christian Bale.

00:32:41.000 He's going to play him.

00:32:42.000 It's going to be like an ironic comedy.

00:32:44.000 No, you know who they're going to get?

00:32:45.000 What's to do with the cleft palate?

00:32:46.000 Joaquin Phoenix?

00:32:47.000 He's going to do it.

00:32:49.000 Or Vin Diesel.

00:32:50.000 I'll be bloated cook dead guy number two for the car scene. 1.00

00:32:54.000 Did you see his dumb movie? 0.99

00:32:56.000 That movie that everybody was telling you that was really good? 1.00

00:32:58.000 The Joaquin Phoenix movie?

00:32:59.000 It was very strange.

00:33:01.000 Some recent movie that he did, like real absurdist, strange movie.

00:33:05.000 Her?

00:33:06.000 Joaquin Phoenix.

00:33:07.000 No, it wasn't her.

00:33:10.000 Yeah, it was like a... 0.95

00:33:12.000 I was like halfway into it and I was like, get the fuck out of here.

00:33:16.000 Didn't the girl get in trouble? 1.00

00:33:17.000 Kind of because she was playing an Asian and she's white. 1.00

00:33:19.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

00:33:20.000 Oh, that's the Emma Stone Aloha movie.

00:33:23.000 I don't think that's it.

00:33:24.000 It was a movie about...

00:33:26.000 I don't even know what it was about. 0.99

00:33:28.000 It was just a ridiculous movie. 0.94

00:33:29.000 I think it was a private investigator or something. 0.97

00:33:31.000 Halfway into the movie, I shut it off.

00:33:32.000 I was like, I can't even do this.

00:33:33.000 I never do that.

00:33:34.000 I almost always watch a movie all the way to the end.

00:33:37.000 Do you ever leave a movie theater? 0.99

00:33:39.000 I get up and fucking walk. 0.99

00:33:41.000 That Get Hard movie? 0.99

00:33:43.000 Get Hard was bad?

00:33:44.000 There's not one Will Ferrell movie that I have turned off halfway through it.

00:33:48.000 That movie was horrible.

00:33:50.000 Kevin Hart and Will Ferrell.

00:33:52.000 Kevin Hart kills it as a comedian. 0.99

00:33:55.000 Just kills it. 1.00

00:33:56.000 He's killing it on the road. 0.99

00:33:57.000 He's on the cover of Rolling Stone now, I think.

00:34:00.000 But a lot of people don't like his movies.

00:34:01.000 I don't know what that's about.

00:34:03.000 It's just not good.

00:34:04.000 It's just not good?

00:34:05.000 Do you think he's doing too many movies?

00:34:07.000 Does he just jamming them in there, like whatever they come with money that they think is going to sell?

00:34:11.000 I don't think I've ever seen a Kevin Hart movie, so I only have that one to judge.

00:34:14.000 I think it's because he doesn't turn down his volume, you know?

00:34:17.000 He's always on, like, level 10. That's what it bothers you?

00:34:20.000 I don't know.

00:34:21.000 I don't know if I've seen a Kevin Hart movie either.

00:34:23.000 I know.

00:34:24.000 You know, but I'm just assuming that he's always that way, you know?

00:34:28.000 That's it.

00:34:28.000 With the high energy.

00:34:29.000 Inherent Vice. 0.90

00:34:30.000 That's the name of the movie.

00:34:31.000 Look at that poster.

00:34:32.000 A lot of people told me it was amazing.

00:34:34.000 Like, this is such a cool movie.

00:34:35.000 And I was halfway into it. 0.98

00:34:37.000 I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. 1.00

00:34:39.000 What are you doing to me, you fucks? 1.00

00:34:41.000 It's a good poster, though. 0.99

00:34:43.000 Oh, it's stylistically a very cool movie.

00:34:46.000 And I love that dude.

00:34:47.000 They get you with the poster, man.

00:34:48.000 They can do that.

00:34:49.000 Like, all the residuals from this movie should go to the graphic designer for this poster.

00:34:54.000 And the people put together the trailer.

00:34:56.000 Not the writers or the producers, you know?

00:34:58.000 Yeah.

00:34:58.000 But it never goes that way.

00:35:00.000 Well, it's got this 1960s vibe to it, or 1970s vibe to it.

00:35:03.000 It's just a very strange movie.

00:35:05.000 Just didn't get into it.

00:35:08.000 So, you're on Girl Code?

00:35:11.000 I'm on Girl Code.

00:35:12.000 What do you do for that?

00:35:13.000 What does that involve?

00:35:15.000 Being a talking head.

00:35:16.000 So it's like one of those things where things play in the news and you start, you comment on it?

00:35:21.000 Well, they don't do the news.

00:35:22.000 They just give you topics.

00:35:23.000 Oh, okay.

00:35:24.000 Yeah.

00:35:25.000 And how often do you do that?

00:35:27.000 Well, I did it like once a month when I did it.

00:35:31.000 Yeah?

00:35:31.000 But yeah, I'm not doing it anymore.

00:35:34.000 Stopped?

00:35:35.000 Yeah.

00:35:36.000 How come?

00:35:36.000 Stopped.

00:35:37.000 I was like, I've had enough.

00:35:38.000 You got bored?

00:35:39.000 Really?

00:35:39.000 I've had enough of you guys dressing me up like I'm a 14-year-old girl.

00:35:43.000 Is that what they did?

00:35:44.000 Yeah.

00:35:44.000 For real?

00:35:45.000 Yeah, like I would have like bows in my hair and stuff. 1.00

00:35:48.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:35:48.000 What is that? 0.99

00:35:49.000 That's racist, right?

00:35:50.000 Well, they would like make all of us look like that.

00:35:53.000 All the girls? 0.98

00:35:54.000 Oh, there's a creep behind the scenes.

00:35:55.000 I mean, not like all of them, but maybe some of them. 0.98

00:35:59.000 Black chicks? 1.00

00:35:59.000 Any black chicks work there? 1.00

00:36:01.000 No. 0.98

00:36:02.000 No.

00:36:02.000 They didn't have any black girls?

00:36:03.000 No diversity on girl code? 0.95

00:36:05.000 Like behind the scenes, no.

00:36:06.000 The talent, yes.

00:36:08.000 Yes.

00:36:09.000 Did they make the talent, the black girls, wear like bows in their hair and dress like they're 12? 1.00

00:36:14.000 Um...

00:36:15.000 I don't know.

00:36:16.000 You don't know.

00:36:17.000 Maybe.

00:36:17.000 You should know.

00:36:18.000 I should know, right?

00:36:18.000 You should be comparing if they did it to you.

00:36:19.000 Yeah.

00:36:20.000 Why were they doing it to you?

00:36:21.000 I don't know.

00:36:22.000 Did you ask them?

00:36:22.000 No, no.

00:36:23.000 You just quit. 1.00

00:36:24.000 Fuck this. 1.00

00:36:24.000 I hate these clothes. 1.00

00:36:27.000 No, it was fun because it taught me how to, you know, just go off the cuff and make up a joke on the spot, you know?

00:36:36.000 Mm-hmm.

00:36:37.000 But, um, I don't know.

00:36:39.000 So they'll give you a subject in advance, like Kanye West, getting married, Kim Kardashian?

00:36:44.000 No, like maybe like boners.

00:36:45.000 Boners? 0.95

00:36:46.000 You know?

00:36:47.000 Or like one night stands or, you know?

00:36:50.000 Yeah, vacations.

00:36:51.000 Stuff like that.

00:36:52.000 Do you have strong opinions about boners or vacations?

00:36:55.000 What was your DPDs?

00:36:57.000 What's your dance?

00:36:57.000 One question at a time, please.

00:36:59.000 That's on your podcast, right?

00:37:01.000 We don't bring that here.

00:37:02.000 What?

00:37:02.000 DPD. DPD. Her damps per day.

00:37:06.000 What?

00:37:06.000 His perverted question that he asks everybody on his show.

00:37:09.000 I don't even know what you're talking about.

00:37:10.000 How many times a day does she get damped if she were to check every...

00:37:14.000 Damp?

00:37:14.000 How many times you get damp?

00:37:15.000 Every 30 minutes.

00:37:16.000 That's what he asks.

00:37:17.000 Don't you think that everybody listening would want to know what you're talking about?

00:37:20.000 That's why I just said, what's your damps per day?

00:37:22.000 It took a long time to get that out of you guys.

00:37:23.000 I know!

00:37:25.000 So they give you a subject like boners or something like that and they give you time to write?

00:37:29.000 Or do you just have to riff?

00:37:31.000 They give you time to write, and then you can riff also.

00:37:33.000 So they email them to you or something?

00:37:35.000 Yeah.

00:37:35.000 And you show up?

00:37:35.000 Those are weird shows because they don't pay you anything, right?

00:37:38.000 Well, yeah, I know.

00:37:40.000 Compared to, like, I make more money doing stand-up.

00:37:43.000 Well, that's kind of common on those cable shows, but it seems like those shows, like, they revolve almost entirely on the input provided by the comedians.

00:37:53.000 I mean, that's, like, pretty much the whole show.

00:37:55.000 Right.

00:37:55.000 We're writing.

00:37:55.000 It's such a cheap show to make because we're writing everything, but we don't get a writer's credit.

00:38:00.000 You don't get a writer's credit and you really don't get paid very much.

00:38:02.000 And that's the whole show.

00:38:03.000 It's not like they're selling...

00:38:05.000 It's a wildlife show and occasionally Esther will come on and talk about boners.

00:38:09.000 No, the entire show is about people's opinions on stuff, right?

00:38:13.000 It's like the 80s.

00:38:15.000 They have those VH1 shows.

00:38:16.000 It's like that kind of stuff, right?

00:38:17.000 I love the 2000s, yeah.

00:38:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:19.000 I mean, basically they show clips that splice in between people talking about cherry pie or something like that.

00:38:27.000 That's really what the whole show is.

00:38:29.000 But yet, the people that do it, they don't get paid that much.

00:38:32.000 It's one of those little sneaky things.

00:38:33.000 They just figure it out.

00:38:35.000 Yeah, they get you, and then somebody makes a lot of money.

00:38:38.000 Like Byron Allen.

00:38:39.000 You know?

00:38:39.000 And that Byron Allen Comics Unleashed with Byron Allen!

00:38:43.000 The whole show is Byron Allen talking to comedians, and they...

00:38:47.000 Hey, Esther, I understand you like zoos, and you'll just start talking about the zoos.

00:38:51.000 You know, can he make it sound like he's not forcing it so much?

00:38:54.000 No, it's all forced. 0.99

00:38:55.000 It's all forced and no one gives a fuck. 0.99

00:38:56.000 But that's the whole show. 0.99

00:38:58.000 But he sells that show.

00:39:00.000 And Byron Allen grew up around show business.

00:39:03.000 His mom worked for David Letterman.

00:39:05.000 Or no, not David.

00:39:06.000 Johnny Carson.

00:39:07.000 Oh, wow.

00:39:08.000 So his mom would clean his office and he would see the whole taping and he'd be a little kid standing there like six years old watching Johnny Carson say hi to him in the parking lot and then go on stage and make the magic happen.

00:39:21.000 That's probably why he does it like old school like that.

00:39:23.000 Yeah.

00:39:24.000 Because that's who he watched every day.

00:39:27.000 Don't you think when you watch a talk show today, like if you watch like anyone, Fallon or any of these new talk shows, it seems so weird to me that no one can move away from the desk.

00:39:39.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:39:40.000 You have to have a fucking desk and pretend like you're working in an office and right next to you, in the most awkward way possible, has to be someone sitting in a chair next to the desk. 0.99

00:39:49.000 Yeah, why is it made to look like an office? 1.00

00:39:51.000 It's so strange.

00:39:53.000 Wouldn't be couches be better?

00:39:55.000 It's kind of like a doctor's office or something.

00:39:58.000 Like you're sitting next to a receptionist.

00:40:00.000 It's like you don't even face them.

00:40:01.000 It's the weirdest way to have a conversation.

00:40:04.000 It's like if the cameras were here, where Jamie is, and you and I would be talking like this.

00:40:09.000 That's literally how we would be doing the show.

00:40:11.000 We'll be right back.

00:40:13.000 And the camera's facing you and you go sideways.

00:40:16.000 Who's the first talk show host who had a desk set up on his stage?

00:40:20.000 Well, probably Parr, Jack Parr, who was before, is that who it was?

00:40:24.000 Maybe Jack Parr didn't like wearing pants and he just wanted to cover his lower body.

00:40:30.000 Who do you think was the original talk show host on TV? Who do you want to say?

00:40:35.000 What was the original television talk show?

00:40:37.000 I have no idea.

00:40:39.000 I'll go with Jack Parr, that sounds good.

00:40:41.000 Yeah, I don't even know if that's his real name.

00:40:45.000 Late Night Talk Show.

00:40:47.000 Steve Allen.

00:40:47.000 Steve Allen was a big one for a while.

00:40:49.000 Late Night Talk Show, Wikipedia.

00:40:52.000 Da-da-da-da-da-da.

00:40:54.000 Da-da-da-da-da-da.

00:40:55.000 All right, let's go with history.

00:40:56.000 United States, 40s and...

00:40:58.000 Whoa, 40s.

00:40:59.000 Okay.

00:41:00.000 So they had radio ones.

00:41:02.000 So they had these old-time radio shows.

00:41:07.000 But they didn't have the two chairs and set up the TV show.

00:41:11.000 Ed Sullivan might have been one of the first ones.

00:41:14.000 Right.

00:41:14.000 That aired on, whoa, Jesus Christ.

00:41:17.000 Ed Sullivan, originally known as Toast of the Town, which aired on CBS Sunday nights from 1948 to 1971. Holy shit, did you know that? 0.99

00:41:28.000 I had no idea. 1.00

00:41:29.000 Jesus Christ.

00:41:32.000 23 years?

00:41:33.000 That's insane.

00:41:34.000 That's insane.

00:41:36.000 23 years.

00:41:37.000 Wait, 48 to...

00:41:40.000 You're doing the math.

00:41:42.000 Yeah.

00:41:44.000 270 what?

00:41:45.000 71. Twenty-three years.

00:41:47.000 Twenty-three years.

00:41:48.000 Milton Berle also hosted a show in 1940. Twenty-three, Michael Jordan.

00:41:51.000 Milton Berle had one in 48 on NBC. These shows aired once a week in the evening time slots that would come to known as Prime Time, the first show to air on late night.

00:42:21.000 I bet you it was earlier.

00:42:28.000 Yeah, maybe.

00:42:29.000 Do you think people went to bed earlier back in the day?

00:42:31.000 Yeah, probably.

00:42:32.000 Or did they go to sleep later?

00:42:34.000 I would think they went to bed earlier.

00:42:36.000 Earlier.

00:42:36.000 They didn't have to wake up.

00:42:37.000 They wouldn't have electricity.

00:42:39.000 They're starving, tired.

00:42:39.000 That's true.

00:42:40.000 They're watching TV on my candlelight.

00:42:43.000 There was more farmers.

00:42:44.000 They had to go to bed when it got dark.

00:42:46.000 There weren't streetlights yet.

00:42:48.000 So this says that Steve Allen created it all. 0.99

00:42:50.000 It says, What the fuck was that like? 0.95

00:43:19.000 Pull up a video on The Tonight Show with Steve Allen from like the earliest you could find. 0.98

00:43:25.000 No wonder Byron Allen got his job.

00:43:27.000 He's like in the family, Allen.

00:43:29.000 Well, he also found one of those niches where you could kind of sell a show like that.

00:43:34.000 Like, that's what I was kind of saying, is that those shows, it doesn't cost much to make them.

00:43:38.000 It's like somebody who writes a book that's all stories written by other people.

00:43:42.000 Exactly.

00:43:43.000 But they're like, but I put it together.

00:43:45.000 I put it in a book.

00:43:46.000 And I'm going to make all the money, and my name's, like, I'm on as an author.

00:43:50.000 I mean, that kind of is the exact show.

00:43:53.000 The whole show is people doing their acts.

00:43:57.000 I know.

00:43:57.000 It's a rip-off.

00:43:58.000 It's a total rip-off.

00:43:59.000 It's like if you were singing songs that you wrote and then they sold the CDs. 1.00

00:44:03.000 You'd be like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:44:05.000 Right. 0.99

00:44:05.000 But that's what they're doing. 0.99

00:44:06.000 I mean, these people are creating these bits.

00:44:08.000 They have them.

00:44:09.000 Then they go, let's understand, you've got a two-year-old kid.

00:44:12.000 Man, having a two-year-old is tough, Byron.

00:44:14.000 Then it's...

00:44:15.000 And they do the bit.

00:44:17.000 And then everyone claps.

00:44:19.000 We'll be right back.

00:44:19.000 Here's some commercials we sold based on this guy's material.

00:44:22.000 But they all are there selling something.

00:44:24.000 Look at this.

00:44:25.000 Look at this.

00:44:36.000 Frank Zappa?

00:44:38.000 Is that Frank Zappa?

00:44:40.000 The guy on the left?

00:44:41.000 That is Frank Zappa.

00:44:44.000 Wow!

00:44:47.000 He's so skinny!

00:44:50.000 Guitar, vibes, bass, drums and bicycle.

00:44:57.000 That bicycle will travel from his bass to his drums to his guitar.

00:45:00.000 How did you happen to pick up your first bicycle?

00:45:03.000 I was discussing this before with some of the people backstage.

00:45:06.000 I believe that a lot of the people have actually played bicycles from time to time.

00:45:11.000 Bicycles?

00:45:11.000 When they're young, they take a piece of cardboard and a clothespin, attach it to the rear wheel, and when it goes around, it makes that noise, and you're playing a bicycle then.

00:45:20.000 Oh, I see.

00:45:21.000 You mean when they pretend they have a little motor and make it sound like a motorbike?

00:45:24.000 Yes, we've all done that.

00:45:25.000 Well, is that what you do?

00:45:26.000 You make a motorbike noise?

00:45:27.000 I see a couple of bikes over here.

00:45:28.000 Perhaps we'd better go over and demonstrate and show them what you do. 0.98

00:45:30.000 What the fuck were people entertained by back then? 0.98

00:45:34.000 I understand you drove a bicycle. 0.99

00:45:36.000 Well, here we are, friends.

00:45:37.000 Stereo bikes.

00:45:40.000 So Zappa's playing musical instruments on the bikes?

00:45:44.000 What year is this again?

00:45:46.000 1963. There's two clips that were a little earlier, but you couldn't see it.

00:45:50.000 This is after Kennedy was killed?

00:45:54.000 How crazy is that?

00:45:56.000 How long did it take them to make those microphones that clip onto your shirt? 0.65

00:46:02.000 He's like holding the microphone back and forth. 1.00

00:46:04.000 I know, and it's a stupid looking microphone. 1.00

00:46:07.000 Look how dumb that microphone looks. 1.00

00:46:08.000 It looks like a corn dog. 1.00

00:46:10.000 You know, like how many years did he go holding the microphone like that?

00:46:14.000 That's what they did.

00:46:15.000 They had to do it back and forth.

00:46:16.000 They had to hand it back and forth.

00:46:18.000 Until somebody invented the lavalier mic.

00:46:20.000 Yeah.

00:46:21.000 They couldn't run two microphones at the same time, blow fuses, start fires.

00:46:25.000 Is he going to play violin and ride a bike at the same time?

00:46:34.000 He's laughing.

00:46:37.000 Are you talking to me?

00:46:42.000 Yeah, sure.

00:46:48.000 What is this?

00:46:58.000 Oh, he's playing the bicycle wires.

00:47:00.000 Like a violin. 1.00

00:47:04.000 Frank Zappa was weird as fuck. 1.00

00:47:07.000 Even in 1963, when he was buttoned up with a tie and a suit, he was weird as fuck. 1.00

00:47:13.000 When I first started smoking weed, that was the first music I would listen to. 0.98

00:47:16.000 Me and my friends would just sit in our car and smoke and listen to Zappa.

00:47:20.000 I listened to Zappa way before that, before I was smoking weed.

00:47:23.000 I listened to Zappa because I had a friend, my friend Tommy, when I lived... 1.00

00:47:27.000 Shit. 0.99

00:47:28.000 I think I lived in Florida. 1.00

00:47:32.000 Yeah, it was Florida.

00:47:33.000 My friend Tommy's dad was a real freak.

00:47:37.000 He was a weird dude, and he had a Saab.

00:47:40.000 I remember he was the first guy that I ever met that had a Saab.

00:47:43.000 S-A-A-B, one of those cars.

00:47:46.000 Those guys are freaks.

00:47:47.000 Well, back then it was weird.

00:47:48.000 The key was on the ground, like on the floor.

00:47:51.000 I'm like, what is this?

00:47:52.000 This car is so weird.

00:47:53.000 It was a really old Saab.

00:47:54.000 Now I don't know if I've ever been in a Saab. 1.00

00:47:56.000 Shit. 0.99

00:47:56.000 Because this was the 1970s. 0.99

00:47:58.000 But he was a fucking gigantic Zappa head, this guy. 0.99

00:48:02.000 And he would play Zappa for me and for his son. 0.98

00:48:05.000 Interesting music because it was really great to listen to with like headphones on because there was so much noises and sounds going on.

00:48:12.000 So when I was a young pothead, that's all I would do is like, it felt like tripping.

00:48:16.000 You're still a young pothead, Brian.

00:48:19.000 No, he's not young anymore, but he's definitely still a podcast.

00:48:21.000 But you know, like those, um, like, uh, if you listen to, like, uh, old Hendrix and you hear, like, different sounds going back and forth across the, like, the field of sound, like when you have the headphones on, they go left and right and right and left.

00:48:34.000 Hendrix is amazing. 0.93

00:48:35.000 That's the coolest shit. 0.99

00:48:36.000 That's what you, I graduated, too, after Zappa. 0.99

00:48:38.000 Yeah, that was, like, what they figured out how to do.

00:48:42.000 They didn't figure out how to do that until, like, the 60s, right?

00:48:45.000 Jamie, you know.

00:48:45.000 You're a sound engineer.

00:48:47.000 Going back and forth and back and forth. 0.99

00:48:49.000 Like, the shit, like, you know that long pause in Whole Lotta Love where everything gets really weird? 0.99

00:48:56.000 It sounds like a normal song, and then it's just weird moaning and fuck noises and strange cymbals and stuff for, like, a minute and a half? 0.99

00:49:04.000 You know that?

00:49:05.000 Yeah, there's a lot of stuff that was happening with Zeppelin because they were using magnetic tape and storage caused, like, if the tape was wound too tightly, it would get tape bleed.

00:49:15.000 And five seconds before, that's kind of how these weird reverb things and weird delays would happen, sort of like that.

00:49:21.000 There'd be weird screaming.

00:49:23.000 It would be a previous take on a vocal track.

00:49:25.000 Because of the way it was stored, it would end up 30 seconds later, a minute later, on another part of the song.

00:49:30.000 And it just sounded so cool, they just kind of left that kind of stuff in.

00:49:33.000 Really?

00:49:33.000 Instead of recording it over, doing it all over again.

00:49:36.000 Really?

00:49:37.000 Accidents would just happen.

00:49:38.000 They'd leave them in.

00:49:39.000 That's amazing.

00:49:40.000 I've never heard that before.

00:49:41.000 So it's magnetic bleed.

00:49:43.000 Yeah, tape bleed.

00:49:45.000 Wow.

00:49:46.000 That's cool. 1.00

00:49:47.000 You learn some new shit every day. 0.99

00:49:49.000 Kind of like when a movie, an old movie, has all the fucked up films, you know, from like deterioration and water damage and stuff like that. 0.98

00:49:57.000 Well, whenever they want to show you an educational film, a pretend educational, like if it's a movie, like a horror movie, and they show an educational film from the 1950s, it always has those crackles and pops and those weird little artifacts and stuff across the screen.

00:50:10.000 Not anymore, kids.

00:50:11.000 Those are cute.

00:50:13.000 Yeah, not anymore, though.

00:50:14.000 Like, magazine ads from the 50s are so, like, cute.

00:50:19.000 Aren't they?

00:50:20.000 They're kind of cute. 0.99

00:50:21.000 And the fact that people were like dumb kids back then. 1.00

00:50:23.000 It's weird that your parents are like dumb kids. 1.00

00:50:25.000 They're just so simple that they're just like, wow, that's so cute. 1.00

00:50:28.000 You know, like vintage advertisements.

00:50:31.000 For like Sears or Woolworths or an Iron, you know? 0.93

00:50:35.000 Selling to the housewives in the 50s.

00:50:38.000 Basic.

00:50:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:40.000 Basic bitches. 1.00

00:50:41.000 People were just dumber back then. 1.00

00:50:42.000 Yeah, women were just uneducated. 1.00

00:50:45.000 Well, everyone was.

00:50:46.000 Not just uneducated. 1.00

00:50:47.000 But they knew how to do laundry and get grease out of aprons and shit. 1.00

00:50:52.000 They barely knew that. 0.99

00:50:54.000 To this day, they don't know that.

00:50:55.000 How to bake apple pie.

00:50:57.000 Bake apple pies.

00:50:59.000 Jesus Christ, Esther. 1.00

00:51:00.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:51:02.000 You know? 1.00

00:51:02.000 Bake lemon meringue pie. 1.00

00:51:05.000 I think they'd still bake pies.

00:51:06.000 Last I checked.

00:51:07.000 That's still common.

00:51:08.000 Do you cook, Esther?

00:51:10.000 I do cook.

00:51:11.000 What do you cook?

00:51:12.000 I make curry carrot soup.

00:51:16.000 Curry carrot soup?

00:51:18.000 Yeah, have you ever made that?

00:51:19.000 No.

00:51:19.000 Super easy to do.

00:51:20.000 Is that an all vegetarian thing?

00:51:21.000 It is, yeah.

00:51:22.000 You just boil some carrots and some onions and garlic and then put it in the food processor and you got soup.

00:51:33.000 That doesn't seem like cooking.

00:51:35.000 It's like you just smash some food together.

00:51:37.000 You're juicing.

00:51:38.000 You're juicing soup in.

00:51:39.000 No, that's cooking.

00:51:40.000 That's like me saying that I cook a kale shake.

00:51:42.000 I also cook lamb.

00:51:44.000 You cook lamb.

00:51:45.000 I make lamb.

00:51:46.000 I like making orange marmalade glazed lamb.

00:51:51.000 Lamb's a weird one.

00:51:52.000 You know why lamb's a weird one?

00:51:54.000 Because it's a baby.

00:51:55.000 Yeah.

00:51:56.000 Nobody thinks about that.

00:51:58.000 I don't like the taste of it too much.

00:51:59.000 I'm gonna stop making lamb.

00:52:00.000 It's baby.

00:52:01.000 I mean, it is.

00:52:02.000 I guess you forget that it's a baby.

00:52:04.000 Nobody ever talks about it like that.

00:52:06.000 That's why we have a name for it.

00:52:07.000 You don't call a cow cow.

00:52:10.000 You call it beef.

00:52:12.000 Chicken. 0.99

00:52:12.000 Nobody gives a fuck about chickens. 0.99

00:52:14.000 We need a new name for lamb. 0.98

00:52:14.000 So you can call it chicken. 0.98

00:52:15.000 You know?

00:52:16.000 Nobody feels bad for chickens.

00:52:18.000 You can just call it a chicken.

00:52:19.000 You don't have to call it some exotic poultry name, you know?

00:52:23.000 But, like, lamb is the name that you have.

00:52:25.000 Because they have such a tiny head, chickens. 0.96

00:52:27.000 That's why we don't care about them?

00:52:29.000 The smaller the brain, the less we care about them, I think.

00:52:32.000 Hmm.

00:52:32.000 That's interesting.

00:52:34.000 Maybe.

00:52:35.000 We didn't have lamb growing up because it was a religious thing.

00:52:37.000 My mom was against it because the lamb was very biblical, she would always say.

00:52:41.000 So I never ate lamb growing up.

00:52:44.000 Really?

00:52:44.000 Do you eat it now?

00:52:45.000 I don't like it.

00:52:46.000 I taste it.

00:52:46.000 I don't know if it's just me going, yeah, man.

00:52:48.000 You just never had it.

00:52:49.000 No, lamb's delicious if it's prepared right.

00:52:52.000 I mean, the idea behind it is that it doesn't have tough muscle.

00:52:56.000 You know that mousse that I cooked the other day that I had on my Instagram?

00:53:00.000 That's not the most tender meat.

00:53:03.000 You have to cook it right, otherwise it could be kind of tough and chewy because it's muscle.

00:53:07.000 You've got to broil it.

00:53:09.000 No, honestly, the best way to do it really is stewing it.

00:53:12.000 Stewing is probably the best way to deal with the tougher cuts of meat, like a slow cooking.

00:53:17.000 Leave it on for an hour and a half?

00:53:18.000 No, no, many hours.

00:53:20.000 You leave it on for like five or six hours and do it in one of those crock pots, you know, those pressure cookers.

00:53:25.000 Yeah, just leave it on.

00:53:26.000 Yeah, it's not that hot and it just stays going all day and it breaks down all the tissue and anything that's tough.

00:53:32.000 It makes it so that you can chew through it easy.

00:53:34.000 So it becomes really, really tender.

00:53:36.000 But if you broil it...

00:53:37.000 I've never had mousse.

00:53:38.000 What does it taste like? 0.99

00:53:39.000 Tastes like a cow fucked a deer. 1.00

00:53:44.000 A little gamey. 1.00

00:53:45.000 Yummy!

00:53:46.000 Yeah, no, it's not gamey.

00:53:48.000 The word gamey is a weird word.

00:53:50.000 What is that word?

00:53:52.000 Usually it means it's just been poorly prepared.

00:53:55.000 That someone either didn't take care of the meat correctly or they let the tarsal glands leak onto the flesh.

00:54:02.000 Like when you, especially when you get game animals like a deer, when they're being hunted, a lot of times they're being hunted while they're breeding.

00:54:10.000 That's what's called the rut. 0.90

00:54:12.000 That's when people hunt them, which is in November, you know, in the fall rather.

00:54:16.000 They have a gland on their legs called a tarsal gland, especially deer. 0.99

00:54:19.000 If you get that stuff on the meat, it'll be funky as fuck. 0.99

00:54:23.000 It stinks. 0.99

00:54:23.000 It smells weird. 0.99

00:54:25.000 It'll make the food taste weird.

00:54:26.000 It'll ruin the meat. 0.76

00:54:27.000 Ugh.

00:54:28.000 Yeah, it can.

00:54:29.000 Another thing that can ruin the meat is just letting it sit out too long.

00:54:33.000 Letting it, you know, go bad.

00:54:34.000 Or bugs.

00:54:37.000 Or it could get exposed to the organ meat. 0.91

00:54:41.000 The rotting organ meat while it's too warm.

00:54:45.000 That can happen.

00:54:47.000 There's a lot of things that can go wrong, but most of it is preparation.

00:54:50.000 If you have deer that's prepared right, if you get an animal, it's taken care of correctly, butchered correctly, it doesn't taste gamey at all.

00:54:58.000 It tastes delicious.

00:54:58.000 It definitely tastes different, but as they get older, they get funkier.

00:55:02.000 You get a real old buck. 1.00

00:55:04.000 You know, that's why it's kind of weird that everybody wants to shoot the big old ones with the giant antlers, because those are the ones that kind of taste like shit, but... 1.00

00:55:12.000 You want a young deer. 1.00

00:55:14.000 For food, yeah, you want a young deer.

00:55:16.000 But for conservation, you kind of want an old deer because the old deer runs off the young deer and keeps them from breeding.

00:55:24.000 And maybe the young deer may be better if we got more of them young genetics into the food system there, into the life cycle there, you know?

00:55:35.000 Yeah.

00:55:36.000 So, these deer, how long do they, how long, like how old, how old is an old deer, you know?

00:55:43.000 An old, old deer, like eight years old.

00:55:45.000 Like how many years is eight?

00:55:46.000 Eight years old is really old.

00:55:47.000 That's so young.

00:55:48.000 What a short life they have.

00:55:49.000 Well, their life is just jumping over barbed wire and dodging coyotes.

00:55:53.000 It's a great life.

00:55:54.000 Unless you live in one of those areas where, that has like a deer sign where you might get hit by a car.

00:56:01.000 A good majority of them either freeze to death or starve to death.

00:56:05.000 That happens a lot.

00:56:06.000 I wouldn't say majority, but a good percentage.

00:56:09.000 Most of them get taken out by predators.

00:56:11.000 Most of them.

00:56:12.000 Or cars.

00:56:13.000 They get hit by cars a lot.

00:56:15.000 Like the numbers that get killed by hunters, I wonder what the number is.

00:56:18.000 Is it lower than cars?

00:56:20.000 In some places, for sure.

00:56:21.000 In some places, there's hundreds of thousands of deaths of deer killed by cars every year.

00:56:26.000 I think in, like, Michigan.

00:56:28.000 Find out how many deer are killed by car accidents in Michigan.

00:56:31.000 There's places in this country that are overrun with deer.

00:56:33.000 Like, people that live in, like, Manhattan go, leave those deer alone.

00:56:36.000 They're beautiful.

00:56:37.000 You know what?

00:56:37.000 In college, a deer crashed through the dorm window in my dorm.

00:56:42.000 Whoa.

00:56:42.000 Yeah.

00:56:43.000 Were you guys doing something there?

00:56:45.000 No, it was Easter weekend and we woke up on a Sunday and it was so creepy because everybody went home for Easter weekend except for a few kids.

00:56:56.000 So I was one of them and we wake up and go downstairs and there's blood all over the lobby of our dorm.

00:57:05.000 Whoa.

00:57:05.000 Yeah.

00:57:06.000 Whoa.

00:57:07.000 And this deer just jumped in. 1.00

00:57:10.000 Yeah, that shit happens. 1.00

00:57:12.000 My friend Cam, some guy died in his neighborhood because he was driving home and the car in front of him hit a deer. 1.00

00:57:18.000 Car in front of him hit a deer.

00:57:20.000 The deer went over the roof of that guy's car and crashed through his windshield and killed him. 1.00

00:57:26.000 Holy shit! 1.00

00:57:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:29.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:57:30.000 We need deer-proof windows. 1.00

00:57:32.000 Well, if you're dealing with a big deer, you're dealing with at least 150 pounds of bones and meat.

00:57:41.000 Oh, God.

00:57:41.000 What a horrible way to go.

00:57:42.000 Look at this.

00:57:43.000 This number is going to blow you away. 1.00

00:57:45.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:57:46.000 2013, there were 49,205 reported car deer crashes in the state of Michigan. 1.00

00:57:54.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:57:56.000 That translates into one car deer crash every nine minutes. 1.00

00:58:01.000 Wow.

00:58:02.000 These crashes are at least 130 million dollars a year.

00:58:07.000 Oh my god.

00:58:09.000 In Ohio, I had those whistles on my car.

00:58:12.000 I'd always make sure that was the first thing I put on my car, is those deer whistles on my car.

00:58:16.000 Those are good, but they don't always work. 0.99

00:58:17.000 We need one of those goddamn battering ram bumpers. 1.00

00:58:20.000 You ever see those bumpers that they make just for deer? 0.99

00:58:22.000 In places where people live, when they run into deer so often, they actually have bumpers that are designed.

00:58:28.000 The front of them has an angle, so if they hit the deer, the deer goes flying off the sides.

00:58:34.000 Yeah.

00:58:35.000 Yeah, those are pretty good ones.

00:58:38.000 The one in the far right.

00:58:40.000 Not that one, Jamie.

00:58:41.000 Not that one.

00:58:41.000 The one...

00:58:42.000 Yeah, look at that one.

00:58:43.000 Look at that one.

00:58:44.000 It has a deer stuck in it.

00:58:45.000 Oh, God.

00:58:46.000 Boom.

00:58:47.000 That's crazy.

00:58:48.000 Ouch. 1.00

00:58:48.000 That's fucked up. 1.00

00:58:49.000 But for semi-trucks, it's a huge problem because, obviously, they drive. 0.99

00:58:54.000 The one down there.

00:58:54.000 Keep going.

00:58:55.000 Right there.

00:58:56.000 That's it.

00:58:57.000 See how it's all over the top?

00:58:59.000 It's over the top of the hood and everything as well.

00:59:02.000 That's just in case the thing comes up and over the top of the hood that it doesn't crush the hood and disable the engine.

00:59:09.000 But most of them are designed so that when it hits the thing, it bounces them off the left or the right.

00:59:16.000 It's a huge problem in a lot of areas.

00:59:18.000 To protect the car.

00:59:18.000 Exactly.

00:59:19.000 Wow.

00:59:19.000 To protect the car.

00:59:20.000 It looks cool.

00:59:21.000 But the deer gets mangled in there. 1.00

00:59:22.000 Deer's fucked. 1.00

00:59:23.000 You still have to stop. 1.00

00:59:25.000 You stop, you pull it out, you go about your business.

00:59:27.000 Yeah, do you have to do that?

00:59:28.000 Or is there somebody you could call to do that?

00:59:30.000 Because I'm not going to want to do that.

00:59:30.000 You could call a tow truck company.

00:59:32.000 I'm sure you could call someone to do it if you paid them.

00:59:35.000 I'm sure someone would do it, but it's not that hard.

00:59:37.000 You just drive off.

00:59:38.000 What if you're trying to get Wi-Fi and get on Craigslist looking for somebody to remove deer from my dashboard?

00:59:44.000 I'm on 95, exit 18. I think the people that don't live anywhere around those animals would never imagine that there's 49,000 car accidents in a year in a fucking state where cars hit deer. 0.99

00:59:55.000 But if you're ever around Michigan, you would know. 0.98

00:59:57.000 I think this should be Trump's new platform.

01:00:00.000 Let's lower the amount of crashes caused by deer.

01:00:03.000 Forget about the Mexicans. 1.00

01:00:05.000 He needs to focus on something else right now.

01:00:07.000 He's number one.

01:00:08.000 Why does he need to focus on anything?

01:00:09.000 You know what it seems to me?

01:00:10.000 I don't know anything about politics, but what it seems to me on the outside, not knowing anything about it, it seems to me like everybody else is laying back.

01:00:17.000 They're waiting.

01:00:18.000 And they're letting Donald just jizz. 1.00

01:00:20.000 Just letting Donald get out there and fucking jerk off and make all this noise. 1.00

01:00:24.000 No other Republicans are being loud. 1.00

01:00:27.000 Jeb Bush is being very quiet.

01:00:29.000 That's their plan. 1.00

01:00:30.000 Just let him act like a fool. 1.00

01:00:33.000 Chris Christie, that guy, he goes on the news and all he does is talk about pot. 1.00

01:00:38.000 What he's trying to do is trying to not be president. 1.00

01:00:42.000 I think that slob has some crazy criminal fucking skeletons in his closet from shit that he did in New Jersey that's completely not kosher. 1.00

01:00:51.000 If he becomes president, all that shit's gonna leak out. 1.00

01:00:54.000 So I think he's trying to ruin it now by saying, if you're smoking pot in Colorado, enjoy it now because when I'm president, All that stuff he's saying? 1.00

01:01:02.000 Like, why would you say stuff like that?

01:01:03.000 You know what popular opinion is.

01:01:05.000 Popular opinion is Colorado's making millions of dollars a year in tax revenue.

01:01:09.000 They have the lowest incidence of drunk driving they've ever reported. 0.98

01:01:12.000 They have lower incidence than in violent crime they've had in a long fucking time. 0.97

01:01:17.000 And a lot of this is attributed to marijuana. 0.99

01:01:19.000 So a rational fucking person looking at that would say, well, look, it's good money for the state. 0.99

01:01:23.000 Even if you're conservative, what do you want? 0.99

01:01:25.000 You want more tax revenue so we can hire more cops, more fire people, more teachers. 0.88

01:01:31.000 That's like what a conservative person would look at it.

01:01:33.000 Like, this is a smart way to do it.

01:01:34.000 This is fiscally prudent. 0.98

01:01:35.000 But no, that slob. 1.00

01:01:37.000 Not in my state. 1.00

01:01:40.000 Fucking bagels falling out of his face. 1.00

01:01:42.000 You know how there's an age limit on who could run for president? 1.00

01:01:45.000 There should be a weight limit.

01:01:46.000 No, because you could be a giant and be awesome.

01:01:48.000 Like, what if you're like some seven-foot-two dude who weighs 500 pounds?

01:01:52.000 Okay, how about body fat percentage?

01:01:54.000 We would never let that happen. 1.00

01:01:56.000 If there was a seven-foot-two dude with a giant fucking fire hydrant dick, and he wanted to be president, and he was smart in every way, we'd be like... 1.00

01:02:04.000 How would we know his dick was that big enough? 1.00

01:02:07.000 Every time he talks. 1.00

01:02:09.000 He would do like a Jon Hamm photo shoot.

01:02:11.000 Well, he just stands there and he's got this giant wad in his pants and everybody's like, I think, I mean, it's got it.

01:02:16.000 Look at the size of him.

01:02:17.000 And they just assume. 0.99

01:02:18.000 I don't think big guys have big dicks. 0.99

01:02:20.000 Someone knows more than we do. 0.99

01:02:22.000 Oh, is that your ratio?

01:02:23.000 I mean, have you noticed?

01:02:25.000 I don't know.

01:02:26.000 Personal?

01:02:26.000 I'm just guessing.

01:02:29.000 Silence fills the room. 1.00

01:02:31.000 It just wouldn't, you know, because they already have the height, so it just wouldn't be fair for them to have a big dick and height. 1.00

01:02:39.000 Oh, that's cute. 0.99

01:02:40.000 So you think the world's fair?

01:02:42.000 How come antelopes don't have guns?

01:02:45.000 How come lions have giant heads and huge teeth and antelopes don't have guns?

01:02:50.000 This is not a fair world we're living in.

01:02:51.000 How dare you?

01:02:52.000 Doesn't make any sense.

01:02:53.000 See, I always thought the opposite. 0.99

01:02:55.000 Well, because I've seen short guys with big dicks, so I just assume that tall guys must have small dicks. 0.99

01:02:59.000 Well, that's good math. 0.99

01:03:00.000 You should probably work for the government.

01:03:03.000 See, I would think everything's proportional to most parts. 0.99

01:03:06.000 So if you're a big, tall guy with big, big feet, you probably have a bigger dick than a normal four-inch guy. 0.99

01:03:13.000 Yeah, you're not thinking that well. 0.99

01:03:15.000 That doesn't make any sense.

01:03:18.000 To me, it makes sense.

01:03:20.000 To you it makes sense.

01:03:21.000 Well, as long as it makes sense to you. 0.99

01:03:23.000 See, that means that you have fucked a couple big tall guys and both of them, their dicks weren't as big as you wanted and you're projecting it on that. 1.00

01:03:31.000 No, I saw a tall guy with a small penis one time. 1.00

01:03:35.000 One time? 0.99

01:03:36.000 Yeah, and I'm basing it all on that one time. 0.69

01:03:38.000 Well, one time I saw a Chinese dude with a black girlfriend. 0.99

01:03:43.000 So I'm basing all Chinese dudes date black girls. 1.00

01:03:46.000 I get what you're saying. 1.00

01:03:46.000 I think all Asian girls have small vaginas, like lengthwise. 1.00

01:03:51.000 Yeah, but that's an actual stereotype. 1.00

01:03:54.000 It's like black guys having big dicks. 1.00

01:03:56.000 That's a stereotype. 1.00

01:03:56.000 You're not going out on a limb there. 1.00

01:03:58.000 But to say that giant dudes have little dicks, that doesn't make sense. 0.99

01:04:03.000 That's going out on a limb. 0.98

01:04:03.000 I guess I've just always avoided giant dudes because I thought... 0.98

01:04:06.000 That they have little dicks? 0.99

01:04:08.000 Maybe. 0.99

01:04:08.000 How ironic. 0.99

01:04:09.000 No. 1.00

01:04:11.000 That's so stupid. 1.00

01:04:13.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:04:16.000 That is so ridiculous. 1.00

01:04:19.000 I love being stupid. 1.00

01:04:21.000 How long are you going to be in LA for? 1.00

01:04:23.000 Till Saturday.

01:04:24.000 You got gigs out here?

01:04:25.000 What are you doing?

01:04:25.000 Where can people see you?

01:04:26.000 I'm doing the comedy union today, but is this going to go on today?

01:04:29.000 This is going on right now.

01:04:31.000 Oh, hey!

01:04:32.000 Come to the comedy union!

01:04:33.000 What is the comedy union?

01:04:34.000 It's a comedy club.

01:04:37.000 Where's it at?

01:04:38.000 I don't know.

01:04:38.000 I gotta look it up.

01:04:39.000 Pfft! 0.63

01:04:40.000 It's here in Los Angeles.

01:04:42.000 Have you heard of it?

01:04:42.000 It's the Black Comedy Club.

01:04:44.000 Oh, you do black rooms. 0.98

01:04:46.000 I do black rooms.

01:04:47.000 Do you have black comedy that you do specifically for these African-American rooms?

01:04:50.000 Or does it like you just do your own act?

01:04:53.000 No, I just do my act.

01:04:55.000 Do you do a lot of these African-American rooms?

01:04:57.000 Stop calling them African-American!

01:04:59.000 Am I supposed to call them urban?

01:05:01.000 It's just, yeah.

01:05:01.000 I'm trying to be politically correct.

01:05:04.000 Well, don't be.

01:05:06.000 They're just, yeah, I do a lot.

01:05:07.000 I do a lot in New York.

01:05:09.000 I do a lot of black rooms in New York.

01:05:11.000 So it's cool to be able to do one out here.

01:05:13.000 Oh, okay.

01:05:14.000 You know?

01:05:14.000 Why do you do a lot of them?

01:05:16.000 Do you just enjoy it?

01:05:17.000 Because they're just so...

01:05:18.000 Do you do it well there?

01:05:18.000 They're so fun.

01:05:19.000 They're so fun?

01:05:20.000 Yeah.

01:05:21.000 It's just, you feel like you're just, like, riding waves of laughter.

01:05:27.000 You know?

01:05:28.000 Non-stop.

01:05:29.000 Like, they just laugh harder.

01:05:30.000 They definitely do, but they also, they get bored of you quick.

01:05:33.000 Which is good, because it just makes you better, you know?

01:05:37.000 Chris Rock said that once, that he did a show with Martin Lawrence, and then he realized that he had been doing too many white rooms.

01:05:43.000 He's like, white people are too patient.

01:05:45.000 Like, he did a black show with Martin Lawrence, and Martin Lawrence killed, and he had to go on after Martin Lawrence, and he was like, oh, snap. 1.00

01:05:51.000 Shit, I better get back to the black rooms. 1.00

01:05:53.000 Because Martin Lawrence in the 1990s was a fucking monster. 1.00

01:05:57.000 A lot of people don't know him. 0.99

01:05:58.000 He's one of those guys.

01:05:59.000 I've never seen him.

01:06:00.000 He's one of those guys, a lot of people, they sleep on him now because he kind of got a little bit...

01:06:05.000 He had some issues with mental health and the law.

01:06:10.000 Remember, he was running around with a wetsuit on and yelling at people or something.

01:06:13.000 Remember that?

01:06:14.000 He was dehydrated. 0.99

01:06:15.000 They were saying he was dehydrated and saying a bunch of nutty shit, and they pulled him in for some sort of a... 0.99

01:06:22.000 They ran some tests on him. 0.99

01:06:24.000 They wanted to find out what the hell's wrong with him.

01:06:25.000 Then he kind of faded off, and he did some movies, but he kind of stopped doing stand-up until recently.

01:06:30.000 Yeah, I forgot all about him.

01:06:31.000 Just started doing it again though, remember?

01:06:32.000 He was at the store a few weeks ago.

01:06:34.000 Oh, cool.

01:06:35.000 He was like doing the main room.

01:06:36.000 I didn't get a chance to see it though, but I heard it was good. 0.98

01:06:39.000 He was fucking awesome. 0.85

01:06:41.000 When I was starting out though, in the 90s, I used to have to go on after him at the comedy store. 1.00

01:06:46.000 Damn. 0.99

01:06:47.000 Oh my god, I ate dick going on after him. 1.00

01:06:49.000 I ate dick when I went on after him during this era, during the You So Crazy era. 1.00

01:06:53.000 I love that, an extremely funny film. 0.99

01:06:57.000 He's one of those guys that got banned from MTV, too.

01:07:00.000 Didn't he?

01:07:01.000 He got banned for some of the things that he said.

01:07:03.000 He made jokes about tampons or something like that.

01:07:06.000 Kurt Loder was like, enough!

01:07:09.000 When they banned Dice Clay.

01:07:11.000 Remember when they banned Dice Clay for deuce jokes?

01:07:14.000 Enough! 1.00

01:07:15.000 Now they have whole episodes on tampons on MTV. Of course they do.

01:07:19.000 Kurt Loder, where's he at?

01:07:21.000 I don't know.

01:07:22.000 Just trying to be a respectable record store guy, you know?

01:07:25.000 Those guys that were like the DJs of...

01:07:28.000 They were like the cool record store clerks, you know, that kind of knew what was good and what was not good.

01:07:33.000 They were cool DJ guys, you know, that actually could pick and choose the music they liked.

01:07:38.000 Like the old days, when I used to listen to radio when I was a kid, DJs were stars.

01:07:42.000 Because a DJ... I know!

01:07:44.000 A DJ is the first famous person I met.

01:07:46.000 Wouldn't a DJ like...

01:07:48.000 No, like a radio, like the oldies channel guy.

01:07:52.000 Who was the first one you met?

01:07:53.000 It was Dick Bionde.

01:07:55.000 And he was a DJ for the Chicago oldies radio station.

01:08:00.000 He's a famous guy?

01:08:01.000 Well, to me he was famous.

01:08:02.000 He was famous, like, on the air in Chicago?

01:08:04.000 Yeah.

01:08:05.000 Like, he was like, Dick Biondi's forgotten the oldies.

01:08:08.000 That's funny.

01:08:09.000 That's him? 0.97

01:08:10.000 There's Dick.

01:08:11.000 Yeah, I went to a mattress store to meet Dick Biondi.

01:08:13.000 He does.

01:08:14.000 He looks exactly like Zappa.

01:08:15.000 That's hilarious.

01:08:15.000 He looks like Zappa from the Steve Allen show.

01:08:17.000 Oh my god, he does!

01:08:18.000 That's hilarious.

01:08:19.000 Okay, he was a lot older than that.

01:08:20.000 Well, that was drawn before cameras were invented.

01:08:25.000 Yeah, they used to be able to pick the music.

01:08:27.000 So those guys were the cool guys.

01:08:29.000 Right, so I loved him because I was like, I love everything he picks.

01:08:32.000 He's picking Sam Cooke and the Beach Boys and the Carpenters.

01:08:37.000 I thought it was awesome.

01:08:38.000 They used to really play records.

01:08:41.000 They used to actually play the record.

01:08:43.000 There was at one point in time the DJ was the guy laying the needle down.

01:08:47.000 Think about that.

01:08:49.000 They used to pick the records.

01:08:50.000 You would hear mistakes probably.

01:08:52.000 Oh yeah, I'm sure.

01:08:52.000 It sounded a lot cooler.

01:08:54.000 Dude, when I was a kid, you would listen to the radio and you would hear a fucking record skip. 0.99

01:08:58.000 It would happen all the time. 0.99

01:09:00.000 It would happen all the time.

01:09:01.000 Like once every couple months or something like that, someone would be playing Whole Lotta Love or whatever and Whole Lotta...

01:09:10.000 That's kind of cool.

01:09:11.000 And no one would catch it for like a minute or so. 0.99

01:09:13.000 And you would be like working on a construction site going, what the fuck? 1.00

01:09:17.000 Jesus Christ, get it right, you fucks. 1.00

01:09:20.000 Yelling at them, and then finally someone would correct it. 0.99

01:09:23.000 He went on like a bathroom break and just let the record like repeat for like three minutes maybe.

01:09:28.000 Probably cigarettes.

01:09:29.000 You know?

01:09:30.000 They were probably smoking cigarettes in the buildings back then.

01:09:32.000 Oh yeah, totally in the buildings.

01:09:33.000 Yeah.

01:09:34.000 Remember Greg Fitzsimmons telling about his parents smoking cigarettes in the house in the middle of the winter, all the windows rolled up, solid, tight, and he's just living as a little kid in this house filled with chain smokers.

01:09:47.000 My best friend growing up, his parents, and I just stayed at his house every single day in the cars.

01:09:52.000 They would have the windows rolled up in the cars during rain.

01:09:56.000 That's the thing about those talk shows, too.

01:09:57.000 They all used to smoke cigarettes on the talk show.

01:10:00.000 They'd all be sitting there.

01:10:01.000 Like, Johnny Carson used to smoke cigarettes.

01:10:03.000 See if you can find a video of that, because it's so weird to watch.

01:10:06.000 Johnny Carson smoking cigarettes on The Tonight Show.

01:10:09.000 It'd be like, guests would be there, and he would have an ashtray right there, and they would just...

01:10:14.000 Now, when weed is legalized in all 50 states, then we'll just be smoking weed on The Tonight Show.

01:10:21.000 No, because you hotbox people.

01:10:23.000 You know, like that gig in Toronto.

01:10:25.000 Then wear a mask.

01:10:28.000 You know?

01:10:29.000 How about you not smoke weed in front of you?

01:10:31.000 How about you have an edible or smoke outside?

01:10:33.000 You know what I mean?

01:10:34.000 Like some host will just be smoking weed.

01:10:36.000 Well, could you imagine if you were in a bar and the other people drinking got you drunk? 0.99

01:10:42.000 That'd be fucked, right? 0.99

01:10:44.000 That's what it's like with weed. 0.99

01:10:45.000 The other people getting high literally get you high.

01:10:47.000 Like secondhand high is real.

01:10:49.000 I always wondered, because I swear to God I read something once where they said, no, once it's in your mouth, it's totally everything that you're blowing out is absorbed for weed.

01:11:00.000 That's not true.

01:11:00.000 It's not.

01:11:01.000 No, definitely not. 0.99

01:11:02.000 You know what's proof positive is that goddamn Toronto room. 0.99

01:11:05.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

01:11:05.000 That's the only reason I believe it. 0.99

01:11:07.000 Dude, people have gone up that were stone cold sober and they got hotboxed in that Toronto room.

01:11:12.000 People have been in this podcast studio and got hotboxed.

01:11:15.000 I think Segura got hotboxed.

01:11:16.000 I'm pretty sure Greg got hotboxed too.

01:11:20.000 Yeah, you get hotboxed.

01:11:21.000 Hotbox is real.

01:11:22.000 Anybody that says it's not, you haven't done any tests. 0.96

01:11:25.000 They're liars.

01:11:26.000 We always used to clam bake growing up. 0.98

01:11:28.000 We believed it growing up.

01:11:29.000 I like how Ed McMahon was always drunk.

01:11:31.000 Jake Elrich Sr. on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

01:11:35.000 Play this.

01:11:36.000 I hear these guys talking back then.

01:11:38.000 Look at Johnny.

01:11:40.000 Look at this.

01:11:41.000 And there some time ago was a book put out by a United States senator.

01:11:46.000 Most all of the books.

01:11:47.000 They're both smoking.

01:11:49.000 With the committee hearings rehash.

01:11:53.000 And there was only one chapter in the book was worth considering.

01:11:57.000 And that was where he said...

01:12:07.000 Well, if the Fifth Amendment is not good law, if we are to be called criminals because we use it, Well, now let's take it out of the Constitution.

01:12:17.000 Let's get rid of it.

01:12:18.000 What's the Fifth Amendment?

01:12:20.000 Recall history, or the reading of history, rather.

01:12:23.000 Any guesses?

01:12:27.000 Let's take a guess.

01:12:28.000 Right to bear arms.

01:12:29.000 You can't tell on people.

01:12:31.000 No person shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise infamous crime unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury. 0.98

01:12:42.000 Kill that.

01:12:45.000 Unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury accepting cases arising in the land or naval forces or militia. 0.97

01:12:54.000 Huh.

01:12:54.000 I'm not sure I understand what that means.

01:12:56.000 That's a boring one.

01:12:56.000 That's not a good one.

01:12:58.000 Pleading the fifth means you're not supposed to talk, right?

01:13:01.000 You plead the fifth.

01:13:01.000 You don't have to talk.

01:13:03.000 That's what it is.

01:13:04.000 Protects a person against being compelled to a witness stand.

01:13:08.000 Okay, himself or herself in a criminal case.

01:13:11.000 How weird is that?

01:13:12.000 That we have a law like that.

01:13:14.000 Or itself.

01:13:15.000 Yeah.

01:13:16.000 Was that like if you're a non-gender specific person?

01:13:19.000 If you're half alien.

01:13:20.000 Oh, but he's still a dude. 0.94

01:13:23.000 He was banging that chick. 1.00

01:13:25.000 Right?

01:13:26.000 Maybe.

01:13:26.000 That's why she was sticking around.

01:13:27.000 Maybe it was a tentacle.

01:13:28.000 That's why she came back.

01:13:30.000 See if he came back to life again. 1.00

01:13:31.000 Bring that dick back. 1.00

01:13:33.000 I want a social security number for Jeffrey Lash. 1.00

01:13:36.000 What a weird thing it is that you can say, I don't want to testify.

01:13:40.000 Like, Esther, you know, we caught you with a kilo of cocaine, and you got a gun, and how do you plead?

01:13:46.000 I plead the fifth.

01:13:47.000 You don't have to talk.

01:13:48.000 And then they decide whether or not you're guilty.

01:13:52.000 Look at what a great country we live in, folks.

01:13:55.000 That just seems very bizarre.

01:13:57.000 That seems very bizarre, that you shouldn't have to...

01:13:59.000 It's like you can't even use that in relationships, you know?

01:14:02.000 Like, whose underwear is this, you know?

01:14:04.000 I plead the fifth. 0.99

01:14:04.000 Who the fuck was here, you know? 0.99

01:14:06.000 You can, because you kind of have the court of your own life. 1.00

01:14:09.000 It's just, it's not going to fly.

01:14:10.000 Most people are not...

01:14:11.000 Most people are going to go...

01:14:12.000 They're going to bang that mallet.

01:14:14.000 Order!

01:14:15.000 Order in the court. 1.00

01:14:16.000 Whose fucking underwear is this? 1.00

01:14:17.000 Again! 1.00

01:14:19.000 Put a gun to your head. 1.00

01:14:20.000 There's no fifth in this house. 1.00

01:14:23.000 I plead the fifth.

01:14:24.000 That's a weird thing to be able to do.

01:14:26.000 Like, if you got caught with a dead body, you don't have to talk.

01:14:30.000 And then they decide whether or not you're guilty.

01:14:32.000 But that doesn't ever really hold up in court, does it?

01:14:34.000 Of course it does.

01:14:34.000 Fifth.

01:14:35.000 Fifth.

01:14:35.000 I plead a fifth.

01:14:39.000 Yeah, it holds up in court.

01:14:41.000 Yeah, that's an amendment to the Constitution.

01:14:43.000 I don't know if you can be compelled to testify.

01:14:47.000 Are there times where you can be compelled to answer?

01:14:50.000 I don't know.

01:14:50.000 No.

01:14:51.000 You can just sit there and say nothing and be put in a hole.

01:14:54.000 Yeah?

01:14:55.000 I guess so, right?

01:14:56.000 There must be some stenographers who have just written, plead the fifth, to every question that they've asked.

01:15:00.000 I'm sure.

01:15:01.000 Well, that's why, like, when Suge Knight gets arrested, he falls down.

01:15:04.000 He falls down and pretends he's blacking out.

01:15:06.000 Like, that's what he does.

01:15:07.000 Like, whenever they, like, say, like, he's getting sentenced, the bill bails 10 million bucks.

01:15:12.000 He collapses.

01:15:14.000 So they have to take him out of there, and then they have to take him to the infirmary, and they have to, you know...

01:15:18.000 He starts breathing hard.

01:15:19.000 I think it's better to be in medical care than it is to be in the cells.

01:15:22.000 It must be. 0.99

01:15:22.000 So if you're smart, every time they sentence you, you just fucking have a seizure. 0.99

01:15:26.000 Make your nose bleed. 0.99

01:15:28.000 You don't have to even show them.

01:15:30.000 Just fall down.

01:15:31.000 Just, I can't breathe.

01:15:32.000 I can't breathe.

01:15:32.000 Just fall down.

01:15:34.000 Just fall down.

01:15:34.000 Say you're weak.

01:15:35.000 I'm blacking out.

01:15:36.000 They can't prove you're not blacking out. 1.00

01:15:37.000 So they have to take you to the doctor and take care of you.

01:15:41.000 What a great idea.

01:15:42.000 I love falling down.

01:15:43.000 He's a dude who's been around the block.

01:15:45.000 What a great idea.

01:15:46.000 I love falling down.

01:15:47.000 I read a book on how to prevent osteoporosis, and there's an entire chapter on how not to fall down.

01:15:55.000 What?

01:15:56.000 Yeah, because...

01:15:57.000 Right.

01:15:58.000 So what do they say?

01:15:59.000 What's the advice?

01:16:00.000 They say, walk slowly, and...

01:16:04.000 They said, it's hard to find a doctor. 1.00

01:16:07.000 I went by a doctor, asshole. 0.99

01:16:08.000 They said, whenever there's handrails, hold on to the handrails. 1.00

01:16:13.000 And if there's no handrail, hold on to the wall or a person.

01:16:18.000 Why were you reading this?

01:16:20.000 Because I like reading on how to be healthy.

01:16:24.000 I like being able to prevent diseases.

01:16:28.000 The idea that it's just like, walk slowly.

01:16:31.000 Oh, okay.

01:16:33.000 That's all you have to do.

01:16:35.000 I was running around and I was just falling down and breaking things.

01:16:38.000 If I had a choice between buying a house with stairs and buying a house with no stairs, because I've read that book and because I know that falling down does weaken your bones, And I would rather buy a house with no stairs.

01:16:55.000 Jesus Christ, Esther, how have you made it so far?

01:16:58.000 Seriously, how have you made it this far in life?

01:17:01.000 With this kind of logic, how are you here, fully dressed, fed, you have a phone, you have a car?

01:17:09.000 No, for real.

01:17:10.000 No, for real.

01:17:11.000 It makes sense.

01:17:12.000 I just wouldn't have stairs.

01:17:13.000 I've got it figured.

01:17:14.000 I'm going to walk slow and no stairs.

01:17:17.000 I'd rather have a ranch-style house. 0.99

01:17:17.000 And keep away from tall guys because they might have little dicks. 0.99

01:17:21.000 The probability of you falling if you live in just a one-level house is lower. 0.96

01:17:26.000 No, that's not true because a lot of times people don't fall downstairs all the time.

01:17:30.000 People fall in the kitchen.

01:17:31.000 They fall getting out of the tub.

01:17:32.000 That's a big one.

01:17:33.000 Slip getting out of the tub.

01:17:34.000 I almost fall in my tub. 1.00

01:17:36.000 Every time I get in it, I'm like, oh shit, I almost died. 1.00

01:17:38.000 I have a friend who fell in her tub. 1.00

01:17:40.000 She broke ribs. 1.00

01:17:41.000 Shit. 1.00

01:17:41.000 Yeah, you can get fucked up. 1.00

01:17:44.000 And breaking ribs is a bummer. 0.99

01:17:45.000 You ever broken a rib?

01:17:46.000 No, I haven't broken anything.

01:17:48.000 Me neither.

01:17:49.000 I broke a rib at least two times.

01:17:52.000 I think more.

01:17:53.000 I think I've broken them more.

01:17:55.000 But I've also broken the cartilage in between the ribs at least six or seven times.

01:17:59.000 Doing what?

01:18:00.000 Mostly martial arts.

01:18:02.000 People punching you?

01:18:03.000 Kicking you? 0.70

01:18:04.000 Kicking you is a big one. 1.00

01:18:05.000 Wow. 0.93

01:18:06.000 What happens is the ribs, even if the ribs don't break, what happens is you get kicked really hard and they separate.

01:18:14.000 So the cartilage in between the ribs breaks.

01:18:18.000 And so then it pops.

01:18:20.000 Like when you breathe, you can feel it moving. 1.00

01:18:22.000 And you have to wait until that bitch stops moving. 1.00

01:18:24.000 And you have to wait until it to heal up. 0.99

01:18:26.000 So it's months and months and months before you can do anything.

01:18:28.000 Can you smoke weed?

01:18:30.000 This is before I was smoking weed. 0.99

01:18:32.000 But I would imagine you could smoke weed, but it's gonna fucking hurt. 0.94

01:18:35.000 Anytime you do that, it's gonna hurt. 0.65

01:18:38.000 The thing about ribs, any movement.

01:18:40.000 That was a thing like Jose Aldo, one of the UFC fighters, had to pull out of his title fight because he got a broken rib.

01:18:47.000 And they were saying, well, he's going to try to rest and try to heal up.

01:18:50.000 But you can't even exercise.

01:18:53.000 He would gain weight.

01:18:54.000 You'd never be able to make weight.

01:18:55.000 You can't do any kind of training. 1.00

01:18:56.000 And if anybody hits you in that rib again, you're fucked. 1.00

01:18:59.000 It's super dangerous. 1.00

01:19:00.000 The rib can actually break loose and go into your organs.

01:19:03.000 It's like the whole design of that thing is a cage around your internal organs.

01:19:07.000 But it's pliable.

01:19:09.000 Would you rather get hit in the ribs or get a concussion and blackout? 0.99

01:19:12.000 Hit in the ribs. 1.00

01:19:13.000 All day.

01:19:14.000 100%.

01:19:14.000 Yeah.

01:19:15.000 Yeah.

01:19:15.000 I'd rather have the pain.

01:19:17.000 The pain of getting a broken rib, I mean, you'd still do damage to your organs and shit, but damage to your head is a totally different ballgame. 0.99

01:19:25.000 Damage to your head is very fucking dangerous. 0.99

01:19:26.000 I've had damage to my head in case you couldn't tell. 1.00

01:19:29.000 No way. 0.99

01:19:30.000 No fucking way. 1.00

01:19:31.000 How recently? 0.99

01:19:33.000 Right before this show, I think.

01:19:35.000 But I can't remember.

01:19:37.000 No, like a few years ago.

01:19:40.000 I had a concussion.

01:19:41.000 Really?

01:19:41.000 What happened?

01:19:42.000 I got mugged in New York. 1.00

01:19:43.000 No shit. 1.00

01:19:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:19:45.000 What happened?

01:19:45.000 I was walking to a show and I blame this purse that I bought.

01:19:50.000 I bought like a vintage beautiful coach purse and that was like my first fancy purse, you know?

01:19:57.000 So I'm walking to a show and I have this purse and all of a sudden I'm just knocked out.

01:20:04.000 Like, I don't remember what happened and I never saw who hit me, but somebody hit me on the head and I was just like on the ground.

01:20:11.000 Whoa.

01:20:12.000 Yeah.

01:20:12.000 What street?

01:20:13.000 Where was this?

01:20:14.000 It was in Bushwick on like near the Grand Street L-stop.

01:20:18.000 What is Bushwick?

01:20:19.000 Is that Brooklyn?

01:20:20.000 It's Brooklyn, yeah.

01:20:21.000 It's like past Williamsburg.

01:20:23.000 Is that a sketchy area?

01:20:24.000 Yeah.

01:20:25.000 It's like where all these like artists are building lofts and you know- Because it's cheap?

01:20:29.000 Yeah, and there's a bunch of art studios and stuff there.

01:20:32.000 But it's still a crime.

01:20:33.000 It's still like, you know, a tough neighborhood.

01:20:36.000 So there's like nobody on the street because it was like a Sunday at like 6 p.m.

01:20:40.000 or something.

01:20:41.000 And so you have no idea what happened?

01:20:43.000 Yeah, I never saw- Did you call the police?

01:20:46.000 No, I woke up in some lady's apartment. 0.99

01:20:48.000 Whoa.

01:20:48.000 And the police were already there.

01:20:50.000 Jesus Christ.

01:20:51.000 And it was like a super 70s apartment and I was like looking at them.

01:20:55.000 I didn't know where I, you know what I mean?

01:20:57.000 It was like my first time blacking out.

01:20:59.000 So I just like was looking at them like, who are you?

01:21:02.000 What am I doing?

01:21:03.000 Like I felt like I was in the twilight zone.

01:21:05.000 Where did you get hit?

01:21:06.000 Do you know?

01:21:07.000 I had a black eye, so probably like up here somewhere.

01:21:12.000 Wow.

01:21:12.000 Yeah.

01:21:13.000 Nobody saw it?

01:21:14.000 Nobody saw it.

01:21:15.000 This lady heard me scream and called the cops. 1.00

01:21:18.000 So you screamed?

01:21:19.000 I screamed, yeah.

01:21:20.000 Huh.

01:21:21.000 And they ran off and my purse was still there.

01:21:23.000 The purse was still there?

01:21:25.000 Yeah, they got scared probably because I screamed.

01:21:27.000 But you got knocked out.

01:21:29.000 Yeah.

01:21:29.000 So you don't remember screaming?

01:21:31.000 You don't remember anything?

01:21:31.000 No, I don't remember screaming.

01:21:33.000 So you must have been probably fighting with them to try to keep your purse and then you got hit.

01:21:39.000 Because if you got knocked out, you wouldn't be able to scream after you got knocked out, right?

01:21:43.000 Unless you woke up screaming.

01:21:44.000 Maybe, but I don't remember anything.

01:21:46.000 Wow.

01:21:46.000 Yeah.

01:21:47.000 That's fucked. 1.00

01:21:48.000 When did this happen? 1.00

01:21:49.000 Um, like maybe four or five years ago, five years ago.

01:21:53.000 That is so goddamn scary that people can do that to someone over a purse.

01:21:57.000 I mean, I'm assuming it was a purse, you know, but who knows what they, why they were doing this. 0.98

01:22:03.000 They say that there's like a knockout game, you know, where people just go around like knocking people out for fun.

01:22:10.000 Yeah, I've seen that.

01:22:11.000 You know, that might have been...

01:22:13.000 Yeah, and that was about the time period where that was going on also.

01:22:16.000 There's videos of that.

01:22:17.000 So, I don't know if that's...

01:22:18.000 And there was no video of it, you know, it was just a residential block. 1.00

01:22:22.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:22:23.000 It's horrible. 1.00

01:22:25.000 Yeah.

01:22:25.000 How long did it take before you recovered?

01:22:27.000 Oh, a few months.

01:22:29.000 Jesus Christ.

01:22:30.000 Yeah, it happened like...

01:22:33.000 I would want to go to comedy shows, but I didn't want to show up with a black eye, you know?

01:22:38.000 Jesus Christ.

01:22:39.000 So, I just stayed home.

01:22:41.000 But what about your head?

01:22:41.000 How did your head feel?

01:22:44.000 You know, the cops just said I was really lucky.

01:22:47.000 They just kept saying that nothing else happened to me, you know?

01:22:50.000 So, I felt fine.

01:22:52.000 Because I never saw anybody coming after me with a pole, you know what I mean? 1.00

01:22:59.000 So you just woke up?

01:23:01.000 It wasn't so traumatizing because I never remembered what happened.

01:23:05.000 Did you always feel weird about looking around now while you're walking after that?

01:23:09.000 Yeah, now I got a bodyguard, you know, traveling.

01:23:13.000 Why are you looking at Brian?

01:23:15.000 If that's your bodyguard, you gotta tell me specifically what you're planning on doing with him.

01:23:22.000 Yeah, no, now I'm super, like, careful.

01:23:24.000 Or, like, I'll have somebody walk with me or something, you know?

01:23:27.000 Right, right, yeah.

01:23:28.000 Well, it's a dark world out there sometimes. 1.00

01:23:31.000 Sometimes people are fucking evil as shit. 1.00

01:23:33.000 The fact that someone could just hit a little tiny girl like you, what do you weigh, 100 pounds? 1.00

01:23:38.000 Hundred something?

01:23:39.000 101?

01:23:40.000 10. She's like, you don't weigh 110. Yeah. 0.99

01:23:42.000 I'm all muscle.

01:23:44.000 Oh, wow.

01:23:45.000 Yeah.

01:23:45.000 I'm amazed.

01:23:47.000 It's just so fucked up that someone could do that. 1.00

01:23:49.000 Someone could hit you. 1.00

01:23:50.000 Knock you out and just leave you on the side of the road. 0.83

01:23:52.000 And that's how people die like that, man.

01:23:54.000 People die like that all the time.

01:23:56.000 Kevin James was working as a bouncer in this nightclub in Long Island.

01:24:01.000 And the guy he was working with killed a guy, accidentally, who's a bouncer as well.

01:24:05.000 There was something going on, drunks, craziness. 0.81

01:24:08.000 Punch some guy. 0.98

01:24:08.000 Guy fell down unconscious, bangs his head off the ground, dead. 0.98

01:24:12.000 That's what happens.

01:24:13.000 You never know.

01:24:14.000 You have to hold back so many punches.

01:24:17.000 You want to punch somebody, but you never know.

01:24:19.000 They could die. 0.91

01:24:20.000 Well, you see, the problem is, people see movies, people get, like, pistol whipped, whack!

01:24:24.000 And they fall down and they wake up, ah, what happened?

01:24:26.000 And then they can still duke it out and brawl. 0.99

01:24:28.000 Like, if somebody hits you in the back of the head with a metal hammer, which is essentially what a hammer is, what a gun is, rather, if somebody pistol whips you, you're fucked. 1.00

01:24:37.000 Like, you're fucked for many months. 1.00

01:24:39.000 You might not ever be the same again. 1.00

01:24:41.000 My friend got hit in the head, Ryan Parsons.

01:24:43.000 You met Ryan.

01:24:43.000 He got hit in the head with a golf ball.

01:24:45.000 He was fucked up for six months. 1.00

01:24:47.000 Somebody hit a line drive, hit him right in the head. 1.00

01:24:49.000 He went down screaming in agony, blacked in and out of consciousness.

01:24:54.000 Wasn't the same for six months.

01:24:55.000 Couldn't go outside.

01:24:56.000 Couldn't see the sun.

01:24:58.000 Sunlight would kill him.

01:24:59.000 It would give him piercing headaches. 0.96

01:25:01.000 Loud sounds.

01:25:01.000 Couldn't read.

01:25:03.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:25:05.000 Wow. 1.00

01:25:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:06.000 Shit. 1.00

01:25:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:07.000 It's not good.

01:25:07.000 We had a guy on yesterday who was talking about his friend who was in her 40s, my friend Kirik.

01:25:12.000 His friend was in her 40s and she was doing a street luge.

01:25:16.000 You know what that is?

01:25:16.000 It's kind of like, you know, like a bobsled, but on the street and you're, no, like, like, you know, you're lying down on a skateboard or something like that.

01:25:23.000 She wiped out, banged her head really hard, and she was fucked. 1.00

01:25:27.000 Just fucked. 1.00

01:25:28.000 And like, pretty much permanently. 1.00

01:25:30.000 Permanently fucked. 1.00

01:25:31.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:25:32.000 Yeah.

01:25:34.000 They told her to not read, not talk to people.

01:25:36.000 After six months, they said you can get a pet chicken.

01:25:40.000 Don't get a cat or a dog because they're too interactive.

01:25:43.000 Ew.

01:25:44.000 Like, literally, like, her brain's so...

01:25:47.000 But dogs are supposed to help, like, you know?

01:25:49.000 They help some things.

01:25:50.000 People who have PTSD and stuff. 0.88

01:25:51.000 But your dog's shitting all over your carpet and you've got a headache. 1.00

01:25:53.000 You're like, Jesus, that's a fucking shitty dog. 1.00

01:25:55.000 I guess if you have somebody taking care of the dog, but... 1.00

01:25:56.000 Yeah.

01:25:57.000 You'd have to have someone, like, doing everything.

01:25:59.000 Cleaning after the dog.

01:26:00.000 All that jazz.

01:26:01.000 Wow.

01:26:03.000 Wow.

01:26:04.000 I met a woman at one of my shows in Brooklyn.

01:26:06.000 She had no hands or feet.

01:26:10.000 What happened to her?

01:26:11.000 Well, she came up to me after the show and she wanted to give me a hug.

01:26:16.000 She was like, you're so funny.

01:26:17.000 And she had these stubs and she said, you remind me of the girls who did my nails when I had hands. 1.00

01:26:24.000 Oh, jeez.

01:26:26.000 And I was like...

01:26:27.000 Whoa! 1.00

01:26:29.000 Oh shit! 1.00

01:26:30.000 That's so much to take. 1.00

01:26:32.000 It was like racism mixed with... 1.00

01:26:34.000 You're like, bitch, I'm Korean. 1.00

01:26:36.000 I'm not Vietnamese. 1.00

01:26:38.000 What the fuck, ho? 1.00

01:26:40.000 I was like I was thinking like I wouldn't bring it up if I just met her any other way right but since she brought up her hands I was like what happened to your hands and she said that she had something wrong with her appendix went to the hospital and the doctor put the wrong name like mixed up her charts and they amputated her hands and her feet When she was only supposed to get her appendix taken out 1.00

01:27:10.000 or something.

01:27:11.000 Very minor.

01:27:14.000 What?

01:27:15.000 Yeah.

01:27:16.000 And then a few weeks after that comedy show where I met her, I saw on the front page of the paper in New York, it said so-and-so, whatever her name was, I forgot her name, given $14 million or whatever.

01:27:28.000 That's it?

01:27:29.000 For your hands and your feet?

01:27:30.000 Well, I forget how much it was, but...

01:27:32.000 No handjobs for a life.

01:27:33.000 It was maybe longer. 0.97

01:27:34.000 And I met her boyfriend.

01:27:36.000 Oh, my God.

01:27:37.000 Can you imagine dating that happening to your girlfriend?

01:27:40.000 And you're like, uh, yeah, I'll stick around with.

01:27:42.000 Right!

01:27:42.000 I know!

01:27:44.000 That's so crazy.

01:27:45.000 I asked him, I said, how long have you guys been together?

01:27:48.000 He was like, a year.

01:27:50.000 When that happened.

01:27:52.000 Wow.

01:27:52.000 I was like, well, man, you're such a good guy.

01:27:55.000 You know, she can't even, like, wipe her ass. 1.00

01:27:57.000 Or maybe he went to the fucking hospital and switched the things around. 1.00

01:28:00.000 Oh, here she is. 1.00

01:28:01.000 I found her.

01:28:06.000 But you know what?

01:28:07.000 She was so... 0.93

01:28:09.000 That's just so bizarre.

01:28:11.000 She was so happy that like...

01:28:13.000 You know, you wonder how she can be happy.

01:28:19.000 But she was in such a good mood.

01:28:22.000 She was just loving the comedy show.

01:28:24.000 She was so appreciative.

01:28:26.000 She was having a great time.

01:28:28.000 Wow.

01:28:28.000 And I was like, you know, there's no reason that anybody should have to commit suicide.

01:28:35.000 You know, this woman doesn't even have hands, and she's happy. 1.00

01:28:39.000 See a point in that regard, but I think people commit suicide because of mental issues I think the mind the depression that people go through some people go through some fucking unbearable depression Just I don't understand it.

01:28:51.000 I don't know it But I know people have gone through it There's something that happens to the human mind when the serotonin dopamine levels are off where you just don't want to be alive.

01:29:03.000 You just would rather shut the lights off.

01:29:05.000 I get it.

01:29:06.000 And once you think that you don't want to be alive, that just takes over and everything is just doomed from then on.

01:29:12.000 Yeah, my friend's going through it right now and I was trying to talk to him the other day and it's just like, no matter what you say, it's not going to change his mind of how horrible everything is.

01:29:21.000 I know.

01:29:22.000 You wish that you could just show them pictures of happier times.

01:29:25.000 Like, remember when we went to the water park?

01:29:27.000 Right.

01:29:27.000 And have it work.

01:29:28.000 And have it work.

01:29:29.000 Or show them memories.

01:29:32.000 You wish you could just show them videos of happier times that they've had.

01:29:37.000 Yeah, there's so many variables too.

01:29:38.000 There's like, your life could be sucky and there's no end in sight, there's no light at the end of the tunnel, or it could be chemical and your life is sucky, or it could be a series of sad things that have happened to you and failures or losing jobs or, you know, being depressed and unemployable or,

01:29:55.000 you know, there's a lot of things that people just, a series of events take place and then they reach this point where they feel like it's never going to get any better and they just don't want to play anymore.

01:30:04.000 They just don't want to do it anymore.

01:30:05.000 There's a comedian who saved a guy jumping off the bridge, the George Washington Bridge, like a huge comedian.

01:30:11.000 He like held him.

01:30:13.000 Oh my god.

01:30:14.000 For like hours or something.

01:30:16.000 Why didn't you just pull him up?

01:30:17.000 I couldn't.

01:30:18.000 I don't think you could hold him for hours.

01:30:20.000 Maybe not for hours, but he was like a complete hero that day.

01:30:24.000 Sort of.

01:30:24.000 Until the guy jumped the next day.

01:30:26.000 Fuck you, stupid. 1.00

01:30:27.000 I'm doing it. 1.00

01:30:28.000 Right.

01:30:29.000 How's your arm?

01:30:29.000 Sore?

01:30:30.000 For nothing?

01:30:31.000 I think that there's people that just don't want to be here anymore.

01:30:36.000 They're gonna die eventually. 0.99

01:30:37.000 You know, that's what's really fucked up. 0.99

01:30:39.000 It's like we want them to stay alive, we want to save them, but we also know that this is a temporary ride. 0.97

01:30:44.000 And they're hating this ride. 0.96

01:30:45.000 This ride sucks for them. 0.99

01:30:46.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:30:47.000 And so it's hard to tell them, hey man, stick around.

01:30:50.000 For what?

01:30:50.000 What am I sticking around for?

01:30:52.000 So you keep doing this for another 30 years?

01:30:54.000 And then what?

01:30:55.000 And then it's over?

01:30:57.000 They just need somebody to talk to.

01:30:59.000 You know, people have become hermits and they don't want to leave their house. 0.99

01:31:04.000 Our society allows that to happen because the way it's built nowadays with so many conveniences, you could just get food delivered.

01:31:11.000 You could get anything delivered to your house.

01:31:13.000 I had Olive Garden in bed.

01:31:14.000 You don't have a reason to leave your house and you could just let it pile up and become a mess.

01:31:19.000 Olive Garden delivers?

01:31:20.000 No, but there's apps now, like she said, that will deliver anything.

01:31:23.000 So I go through the app, order it.

01:31:25.000 In like 40 minutes, I had all of that.

01:31:27.000 And you could just be addicted to internet porn and just never leave your house.

01:31:30.000 Well, there's a lot of people that do that.

01:31:33.000 There's a guy that I know, he's like a professor.

01:31:35.000 I'm going to get him on eventually.

01:31:37.000 But he thinks there's nothing wrong with being addicted to porn.

01:31:40.000 He said, the way he equates it, being addicted to porn is like being addicted to sports.

01:31:44.000 Or being addicted to games or playing videos.

01:31:48.000 Like, he's like, it's just, you're enjoying something.

01:31:50.000 Like, everybody has this bad idea in their head that, like, the obsession about porn is so awful.

01:31:56.000 Whereas, like, the obsession about video games is just, at the most, unfortunate.

01:32:01.000 Or, you know, a waste of time.

01:32:02.000 Meanwhile, he's hadn't had sex with a real-life human being in years.

01:32:06.000 How do you know?

01:32:07.000 Maybe.

01:32:07.000 I think he's just a professor.

01:32:08.000 I'm not necessarily think, I don't necessarily think he's talking about himself.

01:32:11.000 I think he's trying to make some sort of a rational argument for why we have this unusual attitude about sex that we don't apply to everything else.

01:32:19.000 Like if someone really loves cars, like say if you're like a guy who loves vintage cars and you just want, like there's people like, I looked at this house.

01:32:28.000 That was for sale on that was in the Pacific Northwest and it was the guy was a Ferrari Fan like he loved Ferraris.

01:32:35.000 So he had Ferrari design his kitchen He's like at a Ferrari kitchen and then he had a glass wall from his living room to this enormous garage That was filled with Ferraris and this guy was just obsessed with Ferraris.

01:32:49.000 He's just a rich guy who loved and And he had old ones, and he had new ones, and he had vintage ones, and this guy was just obsessed.

01:32:57.000 He had Ferrari books and magazines.

01:32:59.000 But if that was porn, you'd think he's a creep. 0.99

01:33:02.000 If it's cars, you're like, wow, this guy fucking loves Ferraris. 0.99

01:33:05.000 You don't get it, but you don't judge him. 0.98

01:33:08.000 You go, well, I guess he just really likes Ferraris.

01:33:10.000 Whatever.

01:33:11.000 He's got money.

01:33:11.000 Who cares?

01:33:12.000 But if you went over his house and it's all just blow-up dolls and dildos...

01:33:15.000 That's Yoshi's house.

01:33:16.000 Yeah.

01:33:18.000 It is Yoshi's house.

01:33:20.000 He's like, if you need a place to stay, let me know.

01:33:22.000 You can get pregnant just walking through the door in Yoshi's place. 1.00

01:33:25.000 But you know what I'm saying?

01:33:26.000 It's like, why do we get...

01:33:27.000 I think it's because we have weird attitudes about sex, and we also have the attitude that porn, at least some of it, dehumanizes women.

01:33:36.000 Like, porn, at least some of it, makes you look at women like they're an object. 1.00

01:33:40.000 Not an equal, not a person, just something to fuck. 1.00

01:33:43.000 That's why they have a hard time meeting a real live woman because they've been desensitized to it so much. 1.00

01:33:49.000 They want to treat a woman like that the minute they meet her. 0.99

01:33:51.000 They don't have time.

01:33:52.000 They don't have the time to get to know you.

01:33:55.000 They don't have the patience. 1.00

01:33:57.000 They're just sitting there on a date probably thinking, why isn't she taking her clothes off and licking my balls? 1.00

01:34:02.000 That's what everybody thinks, by the way. 1.00

01:34:06.000 We're good to go.

01:34:29.000 You just assume that this is how people operate and behave.

01:34:33.000 The same way you assume Yogi Bear is going to try to take your picnic basket and not eat your kids.

01:34:38.000 We have these weird images in our head because of the media.

01:34:42.000 And porn, as much as it doesn't seem like it's the media, absolutely 100% is.

01:34:48.000 You're watching depictions.

01:34:49.000 I think my college boyfriend was addicted to porn.

01:34:51.000 Why do you think that?

01:34:52.000 Because I thought his name was John for the longest time, and then everybody on his dorm floor was like, yo, is porno John here? 0.99

01:35:00.000 And I was like, what the fuck is porno John? 0.99

01:35:02.000 They're like, well, there's two Johns on our floor. 1.00

01:35:05.000 He's porno John. 0.83

01:35:06.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:35:07.000 Because he liked porno. 0.95

01:35:08.000 Because he had the most porn out of everybody on his floor. 1.00

01:35:12.000 Maybe he's just really good at collecting shit. 1.00

01:35:15.000 Maybe he knew what he liked. 1.00

01:35:16.000 I hope so.

01:35:17.000 You hope so now?

01:35:18.000 I hope so now, yeah.

01:35:20.000 Was he a freak?

01:35:21.000 No, he was like regular.

01:35:23.000 I was freakier than him.

01:35:25.000 Whoa.

01:35:25.000 Yeah.

01:35:26.000 Why were you freaky?

01:35:27.000 Because, like, I don't know.

01:35:28.000 I think when you're young, you just, like, sometimes have sex and you don't care about the other people's feelings.

01:35:35.000 You know? 0.99

01:35:36.000 Do you have gangster sex? 1.00

01:35:37.000 Is that what you do? 1.00

01:35:37.000 No! 1.00

01:35:38.000 Are you crazy? 1.00

01:35:39.000 Spit on dudes, smack them after you come? 1.00

01:35:42.000 After he came, I would keep going. 0.98

01:35:44.000 Yeah.

01:35:45.000 And he would be like, I'm trying to do my homework.

01:35:47.000 Do you mind?

01:35:50.000 What sounds like he's really...

01:35:51.000 You need to find a better dude.

01:35:54.000 That's what every guy wants. 0.98

01:35:55.000 Every guy wants a girl, wants to have sex all the time. 0.96

01:35:56.000 That's what I mean. 0.93

01:35:57.000 So he wasn't that much of a freak.

01:35:59.000 They named him Porno John, but... 0.99

01:36:01.000 It could be that porno John was all out of cum because he was just beating off like crazy while you weren't around. 0.99

01:36:07.000 So when you were around, he was like, yeah, a real woman. 0.99

01:36:10.000 And then once he came once, it's like, whew, I'm done. 0.98

01:36:12.000 I'm fucking exhausted. 0.95

01:36:13.000 Because he already ran like five marathons that day. 0.99

01:36:15.000 So running up a flight of stairs was exhausting.

01:36:18.000 For a normal person, running up a flight of stairs is pretty commonplace, right?

01:36:21.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:36:22.000 Porno John, he's just been beating off into a cup all day. 0.96

01:36:25.000 When I found out his name was Porno John, I should have broke up with him then. 0.86

01:36:29.000 Instead, I let it go on for like two more years. 0.99

01:36:32.000 But that's ridiculous, because you're the freak. 1.00

01:36:33.000 You're the one who wanted sex all the time, so why would you care if you watch porn? 1.00

01:36:37.000 Well, at the time I did because I was brainwashed by all these romantic comedies or magazines or whatever. 0.92

01:36:44.000 Do romantic comedies get mad?

01:36:47.000 Are there romantic comedies where a woman gets mad if a guy's using porn?

01:36:50.000 Yeah, except if it's some of the hipper ones.

01:36:53.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:36:54.000 I felt like I was brainwashed by that.

01:36:57.000 To think that porn is bad.

01:36:58.000 To think that if he's watching porn, that he must not want me.

01:37:02.000 And I would, like, make a big fight.

01:37:04.000 Now, I don't care. 0.65

01:37:05.000 I think porn is, you know, fun to watch.

01:37:09.000 Or I don't care if he watches. 0.96

01:37:11.000 Girls get mad at you? 1.00

01:37:12.000 Yeah, like, I had girls get mad at me that if I followed porn people on Instagram, Twitter, to the point of, like, why? 0.99

01:37:20.000 I'm not doing it for you type thing.

01:37:22.000 Like, it got so bad where I wasn't allowed to do porn or even have photos of women as wallpapers or anything like that.

01:37:30.000 I think when I was younger, I was taught to think that you're supposed to take it personally.

01:37:36.000 If he's watching porn, you must not be enough or something.

01:37:40.000 Is that from your friends? 0.95

01:37:42.000 Who's that from?

01:37:42.000 It's probably from growing up in the Midwest.

01:37:45.000 That's right.

01:37:46.000 Chicago, they have that sort of morals. 0.80

01:37:48.000 Yeah.

01:37:49.000 Chicago is still the Midwest, even though it's a big city.

01:37:51.000 It's still...

01:37:53.000 Right.

01:37:55.000 Frowned upon, crazy behavior, you know?

01:37:58.000 So I was like, let me get out of here. 1.00

01:38:00.000 You guys suck. 1.00

01:38:01.000 I love Chicago, but I see what you're saying. 1.00

01:38:03.000 I think those spots in the middle of the country, there's a lot of holdover thinking.

01:38:09.000 That's starting to change, though, isn't it?

01:38:10.000 Isn't it starting to change all across the country?

01:38:12.000 People becoming more and more open-minded.

01:38:14.000 Wouldn't you imagine that? 0.99

01:38:15.000 Well, when I moved here, Joe, you would talk about masturbating all the time. 0.99

01:38:18.000 And I remember one time you were talking about how you masturbated the other day to something. 0.95

01:38:22.000 And I was like, I can't believe he's telling me this right now. 0.89

01:38:25.000 Out loud.

01:38:26.000 I was so shy about it.

01:38:29.000 Imagine that, him.

01:38:29.000 Like, recently?

01:38:30.000 Yeah.

01:38:30.000 No, this is like 13 years ago.

01:38:32.000 He started working for me about 13 years ago, I guess.

01:38:35.000 Right.

01:38:35.000 That's cool.

01:38:36.000 But that's how changed it is in the Midwest, though.

01:38:40.000 Like, talking about poop out loud, no.

01:38:42.000 That's why Brian seems childlike, because really he's experiencing this for the first time.

01:38:47.000 Whereas, like, most people, by the time they're 10 years old, they're actually 10. He came here as an infant 30-year-old.

01:38:59.000 It's true.

01:38:59.000 But you would agree, right?

01:39:01.000 Growing up in Chicago, you wouldn't openly talk about masturbation in front of people and stuff like that.

01:39:07.000 Right. 0.58

01:39:07.000 I would Xerox copy sex cartoons and put them in my planner. 0.58

01:39:13.000 Sex cartoons? 0.70

01:39:14.000 You know, like, yeah, like, there was like a joke book or, you know, there's like a cartoon book with sex jokes that I thought was funny, and it was like, you know, a fly with a big dick or something, and, you know, it would look like a, you know, it was like really, you know, hastily made drawings that just have like one word or one phrase or something. 0.96

01:39:33.000 Right. 0.83

01:39:33.000 With like, you know, somebody holding a cum bucket or, you know, and I would just like think those were funny, and I would spread rumors in my school about like sex ed, because that was always like, Woo! 0.83

01:39:43.000 We're having sex ed! 0.88

01:39:45.000 You know, we're in sixth grade.

01:39:46.000 And so I'd be like, you know, so our class went first in sex ed.

01:39:51.000 So the afternoon class was like, oh, what was it like? 0.94

01:39:54.000 And I was like, well, Mrs. Elmore and Mr. Reynolds got naked and had sex. 0.96

01:39:59.000 And they were like, what?

01:40:02.000 I would like start rumors like that, you know, and people believed me.

01:40:05.000 Is that how you became a comic?

01:40:07.000 Yeah.

01:40:07.000 By just being inappropriate?

01:40:09.000 By being funny in school.

01:40:11.000 Being funny in school and being kind of like, people didn't expect it.

01:40:14.000 You're a small, cute girl and you're saying these dirty things. 1.00

01:40:17.000 Well, and the teacher, like, so I would never get in trouble either because I would always just find somebody who looked like Red Band and blame it on him, you know? 0.99

01:40:26.000 Good move.

01:40:26.000 And be like, I didn't do that.

01:40:28.000 That's a good move.

01:40:29.000 He changed the whole schedule.

01:40:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:32.000 You're a bully. 0.99

01:40:34.000 It's funny, though. 1.00

01:40:35.000 I am a bully.

01:40:36.000 You get in fights a lot, though, don't you?

01:40:39.000 Like physical fights?

01:40:41.000 I mean, maybe not physical.

01:40:43.000 You get in fights?

01:40:44.000 No, I don't get in fights, no.

01:40:45.000 What are you talking about?

01:40:46.000 Where are you making this up from?

01:40:47.000 Earlier she said something about punching.

01:40:50.000 You said something about you never know when to stop punching.

01:40:53.000 And I thought you were talking personally.

01:40:55.000 I was going to ask you if you get in fights a lot.

01:40:57.000 I just meant you as in anybody out there listening.

01:40:59.000 You.

01:41:01.000 He thought I meant me.

01:41:02.000 Oh, you never know when to stop punching.

01:41:05.000 You want to be careful who you punch. 0.79

01:41:09.000 Because, you know, they might crack their head open and die. 0.98

01:41:12.000 Right.

01:41:13.000 You assume that she got in a lot of fights because of that? 1.00

01:41:16.000 Well, no, because she said something like, you never know when to stop punching. 0.99

01:41:21.000 And how she said it, she says, you never know when to stop punching.

01:41:26.000 Did I turn Italian, too?

01:41:29.000 Are you following what he's saying?

01:41:30.000 No.

01:41:31.000 Why does he think that you get in fights?

01:41:32.000 Do you get in arguments with people or something?

01:41:34.000 I understand why he would think that.

01:41:36.000 Why?

01:41:36.000 Are you feisty?

01:41:37.000 Is that what this is?

01:41:38.000 I mean, I have been, but that's not my normal state.

01:41:43.000 You know?

01:41:44.000 She doesn't seem like someone gets in fights. 0.90

01:41:45.000 No, it was just how she said it earlier.

01:41:47.000 Oh, okay.

01:41:47.000 I was just trying to sound like I knew how to fight.

01:41:50.000 That's why I didn't say anything.

01:41:50.000 Because you guys talk about MMA a lot of times.

01:41:52.000 Oh, yeah.

01:41:53.000 That's what we do.

01:41:54.000 So did you fly down here just to hang out and do some shows?

01:41:57.000 Yeah.

01:41:58.000 How many days are you down here for?

01:41:59.000 Till Saturday.

01:42:00.000 Thinking about moving to California? 1.00

01:42:01.000 Saying, fuck Miami? 1.00

01:42:03.000 I think you are, right? 1.00

01:42:03.000 I love it here. 1.00

01:42:05.000 It's the best, right?

01:42:06.000 Uh-huh.

01:42:06.000 It's awesome.

01:42:06.000 The best comedy community.

01:42:07.000 Dude, she'd have come last night. 1.00

01:42:09.000 The comedy store was off the fucking hook last night. 0.99

01:42:12.000 The roast battle? 1.00

01:42:13.000 Oh, the roast battle and the original room.

01:42:14.000 The original room was sold out.

01:42:16.000 It was mobbed.

01:42:16.000 It was amazing.

01:42:18.000 And then upstairs, the roast battle was crazy packed and fucking hilarious. 0.89

01:42:23.000 Who was the kid that went on first? 0.97

01:42:24.000 The guy who, the roast battle, the blonde guy with the glasses? 0.97

01:42:29.000 Jamie, find that dude. 1.00

01:42:30.000 That guy was fucking money. 0.98

01:42:32.000 It's too crowded to even go in there and watch it, so I didn't get to see any of the... 0.99

01:42:37.000 So who organizes who's gonna battle who?

01:42:40.000 That's a good question.

01:42:41.000 I don't know the answer to that, but Brian Moses is the host, and it's a perfect length show because it happens late at night.

01:42:48.000 It happens like 11.45, and it only lasts like an hour.

01:42:51.000 It's in and it's over.

01:42:53.000 By 1 o'clock in the morning, everybody's going home.

01:42:55.000 It's perfect.

01:42:56.000 And it's monstrously funny.

01:42:58.000 They should do this everywhere.

01:42:59.000 That's his name?

01:42:59.000 Jeff?

01:43:00.000 Yeah.

01:43:01.000 Jeff Sewing? 0.99

01:43:02.000 Goddamn, that dude's funny. 1.00

01:43:04.000 He killed, dude. 1.00

01:43:06.000 He's really fucking good. 0.99

01:43:07.000 He's a funny guy, man. 0.98

01:43:09.000 I don't know how long that guy's been doing stand-up.

01:43:11.000 I think they said four years.

01:43:13.000 Keep an eye on him.

01:43:15.000 Jeff Sewing.

01:43:15.000 S-E-W-I-N-G. And one of the things I love about that place is it's open to young, up-and-coming comics.

01:43:24.000 They can make a name for themselves there.

01:43:27.000 There's some people on the show last night.

01:43:30.000 That weren't that good and there's there's a couple that were like kind of shaky But the fact that they get a chance like if you're if you're you don't have to have a bunch of You know, resume items that you can call upon.

01:43:41.000 You don't have to have like a bunch of credits to your name.

01:43:44.000 You can just be a local comic who is down on their luck.

01:43:48.000 You go up there and you can crush.

01:43:49.000 Like this guy, this Jeff guy. 0.97

01:43:51.000 And just smash it and then we'll be talking about you the next day.

01:43:53.000 And everybody will be talking about you.

01:43:55.000 It's just...

01:43:55.000 It's an amazing showcase.

01:43:57.000 And it's a live fucking experience. 0.99

01:44:00.000 Like Roast Battle is one of the cool... 0.99

01:44:02.000 Like it was never there when I was there in the old days of the Comedy Store.

01:44:05.000 This new...

01:44:06.000 It's one of the pieces of...

01:44:08.000 The new comedy store that I point to when I talk about how much better it is there now.

01:44:13.000 It's just a better environment.

01:44:14.000 Everything's better.

01:44:15.000 The young up-and-coming guys are better.

01:44:17.000 The young up-and-coming girls, they're all better. 0.87

01:44:19.000 There's just more energy, more life. 0.99

01:44:21.000 And then there's shit like Kill Tony and the Roast Battle. 0.99

01:44:24.000 Those two things are just giant for that place. 1.00

01:44:27.000 Giant.

01:44:27.000 It's great for new comics.

01:44:29.000 It's one of the best things ever of both of those shows.

01:44:32.000 Both of those shows.

01:44:32.000 Kill Tony's giant for new comics.

01:44:34.000 Giant.

01:44:35.000 Yeah, and there's so many comics that are on Kill Tony that have almost become regulars that are already surpassing people that have been doing it for 10 years in comedy just because of the internet and the idea of it being broadcast and podcast and all that stuff.

01:44:51.000 It's great for them.

01:44:52.000 It forces you to like hit another level early, you know, especially like girls like Kim and Sarah because they're doing if you never Watched or listen to kill Tony on death squad podcast network it um kill Tony is a Podcast where they have new comics go up.

01:45:09.000 They do one minute.

01:45:10.000 Have you seen it right?

01:45:11.000 Yeah Have you ever been on it?

01:45:13.000 No, I've never been on it should be on it as a host or as a judge rather.

01:45:16.000 It's awesome.

01:45:17.000 So far I've seen it happen.

01:45:18.000 Yeah, I You're not really a judge.

01:45:20.000 You're like a comedy expert.

01:45:21.000 A commentator.

01:45:22.000 A comic, working comic.

01:45:23.000 So they do a minute.

01:45:25.000 Everybody does one minute.

01:45:26.000 And then the comics talk about your minute. 0.98

01:45:28.000 And sometimes they go, dude, you're fucking awesome. 0.88

01:45:30.000 You got a real future. 0.97

01:45:31.000 And sometimes they go, just stop.

01:45:33.000 Don't do this anymore.

01:45:34.000 Right.

01:45:34.000 I've seen them.

01:45:35.000 They're like, what do you do for a day job?

01:45:36.000 Keep it.

01:45:37.000 Actor.

01:45:37.000 But Kim and Sarah do a new minute.

01:45:40.000 Yeah.

01:45:40.000 Kim Congdon and Sarah Weinshank do a new minute every week.

01:45:46.000 Wow. 0.88

01:45:46.000 Gangster. 0.88

01:45:47.000 So ballsy.

01:45:48.000 That's awesome.

01:45:48.000 To be able to do that, to be able to come up with a new man, and to put it on the internet.

01:45:52.000 So all of their comedy career, especially Kim, from the beginning to...

01:45:57.000 Sarah did it a little while before she did... 0.93

01:45:59.000 That's so ballsy.

01:46:00.000 All of her sets.

01:46:01.000 All of her sets.

01:46:02.000 A brand new minute every week.

01:46:04.000 A brand new minute every week.

01:46:05.000 Yeah.

01:46:05.000 And because of that, it forces her.

01:46:06.000 And she won last night in the roast battle. 0.99

01:46:09.000 Very close fucking battle. 0.99

01:46:11.000 You could have gone either way. 1.00

01:46:12.000 Easily.

01:46:12.000 It was amazing.

01:46:14.000 She ended it well.

01:46:15.000 She ended it with a bomb. 0.99

01:46:17.000 She knows how to do it. 0.58

01:46:18.000 I mean, this is her fifth win at roast battle.

01:46:21.000 She knows how to handle it.

01:46:22.000 She's a fighter. 1.00

01:46:23.000 That dude, Jeff, though, he was fucking vicious. 1.00

01:46:27.000 Oh, like, I felt bad laughing at some of the shit that he was saying, but it was... 1.00

01:46:31.000 That poor girl. 1.00

01:46:32.000 Oh, it was ruthless.

01:46:34.000 She tried.

01:46:35.000 She tried.

01:46:35.000 She went after him, and she got him with some good ones, too.

01:46:37.000 But he had some nuclear weapons. 0.99

01:46:39.000 It was fucked up. 0.99

01:46:40.000 It was like she pulled out some big cannons and fucked him up, and then he just dropped nuclear bombs and leveled the landscape to the point where people were falling out of chairs. 0.99

01:46:50.000 I was curled up in the fetal position on the two chairs, and then the Negro wave, they have these guys, if you've never watched a roast battle before, these guys, and you can watch it on Periscope, too. 0.99

01:47:00.000 You don't have to be in LA. But if you are in LA on a Tuesday night, Get to the goddamn Comedy Store! 0.99

01:47:05.000 And you've got to get tickets early, because it's always sold out. 0.98

01:47:08.000 But they have this, whenever someone kills with a joke, the Negro wave jumps up, and they scream, and who's it, Jamal? 0.99

01:47:14.000 Who's the dude who poured water on himself?

01:47:15.000 Jamar.

01:47:16.000 Jamar.

01:47:16.000 Oh my god, this kid's funny.

01:47:18.000 He's a real yoked black dude with a shaved head. 0.99

01:47:21.000 He's awesome. 1.00

01:47:21.000 And he pulls his pants down to, like, the middle of his dick, and they pour water on him, and he's dancing, he climbs up on chairs, and he's grinding in people's faces. 1.00

01:47:28.000 And it's all just because this joke killed so hard that they act up and get crazy, and it makes it ten times funnier. 0.99

01:47:36.000 It's such a good show.

01:47:37.000 Every time I walk out of there, I have this giant smile on my face, and I feel like I've seen something cool.

01:47:42.000 I feel like I've been a part of something.

01:47:46.000 There's no place like this.

01:47:48.000 I don't know any...

01:47:48.000 Yeah, I saw they did one in Montreal this week, too.

01:47:50.000 Yeah, they're doing it in Montreal, too.

01:47:53.000 Yeah, they did it at the festival. 0.98

01:47:54.000 It's fucking great. 0.96

01:47:55.000 And you're doing a podcast with Brian Moses, right? 0.98

01:47:57.000 He was the host of it?

01:47:58.000 We actually have the podcast version of The Roast Battle on Death Squad now called Verbal Violence with Coach T and Brian Moses in it.

01:48:06.000 The second episode was released and the third episode should be any time now.

01:48:10.000 Beautiful.

01:48:10.000 And Brian Moses, what a good dude.

01:48:12.000 We gotta have him in.

01:48:13.000 He's such a good dude.

01:48:15.000 Such a funny dude and just a good comic.

01:48:18.000 He's gonna be great.

01:48:19.000 That kid's gonna be giant.

01:48:21.000 Verbal violence available.

01:48:22.000 Verbal violence.

01:48:24.000 So what else is going on?

01:48:25.000 Esther, why don't you have a podcast?

01:48:26.000 Do you have a podcast?

01:48:27.000 Well, I do want to start a podcast.

01:48:29.000 You should.

01:48:30.000 After this one today.

01:48:31.000 I did record three episodes.

01:48:34.000 What happened to them?

01:48:35.000 I'm just waiting to get more before I release them.

01:48:37.000 Why would you do that?

01:48:39.000 Because, like, in case I don't find more people, or, you know, in case I run out, what if I, like, air three episodes, one each week, or let's say every Monday, and then the fourth week, I just, I don't have one.

01:48:50.000 Do a solo one.

01:48:51.000 That's okay.

01:48:51.000 Move to California.

01:48:52.000 See, the beautiful thing, yeah, you can move to California, and Brian will just sexually harass you in the studio every week.

01:48:58.000 But you can do one whenever you want.

01:49:01.000 That's the beautiful thing about the internet.

01:49:02.000 Right.

01:49:03.000 You don't have to be regular, right?

01:49:04.000 No, no.

01:49:05.000 Who cares?

01:49:06.000 You have a bunch of Twitter followers and Facebook friends and all that jazz, right?

01:49:10.000 So I wanted to start a podcast and I have a name for it.

01:49:13.000 What's it called?

01:49:14.000 Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?

01:49:15.000 No, it's called the Poo Podcast.

01:49:18.000 Poo.

01:49:19.000 I like talking about my poo.

01:49:21.000 Alright, you and Brian are matched. 0.98

01:49:25.000 We should get married.

01:49:26.000 Well, that's not going to work out, but maybe we should just be friends.

01:49:29.000 I think almost nobody should get married.

01:49:31.000 How about that?

01:49:32.000 Me too.

01:49:33.000 Yeah, there's nothing wrong with being together.

01:49:36.000 Here's the thing about the marriage that's really goofy, is the legal contract aspect of it.

01:49:40.000 The bringing in other people and signing paperwork and stuff.

01:49:43.000 Just like, what?

01:49:44.000 How can you stamp that on love?

01:49:47.000 It's just so...

01:49:49.000 The only way it makes sense to me is when you have children.

01:49:51.000 You have children and the wife doesn't want to get stuck with no money. 1.00

01:49:54.000 I have a friend who's married, who's not married, and is pregnant, and I know that baby's going to grow up in a loving home with two parents, you know?

01:50:03.000 Like, you don't have to get married to have kids.

01:50:04.000 In that scenario, I hope you're correct, but I think for a lot of women, they want, like, legal protection. 0.98

01:50:09.000 They want to be able to, like, be able to get money when they break up.

01:50:13.000 Not just child support, but even alimony.

01:50:15.000 Be able to pay for themselves, too. 0.95

01:50:16.000 If they've been living their life, like, being, you know, taking care of the child, and they made some sort of a mutual deal, and then the dude just decides to fucking jet. 0.99

01:50:24.000 Listen, bitch, I'm moving to Jamaica. 1.00

01:50:25.000 Go feed yourself. 1.00

01:50:26.000 I've never wanted to get married, you know?

01:50:28.000 Like, it just seems like you're just tied down.

01:50:31.000 Well, that's why they made divorce. 1.00

01:50:33.000 Right.

01:50:33.000 Because, yeah, but you are tied down.

01:50:35.000 I mean, that's exactly what it is.

01:50:36.000 It's a legal contract.

01:50:38.000 The only thing that makes sense, like I said, the only time it makes sense is if you have children.

01:50:41.000 Or if one person needs a green card.

01:50:44.000 That's a good move for it, too.

01:50:45.000 I know people have done that.

01:50:46.000 That's a good move.

01:50:47.000 I get that.

01:50:48.000 You make $15,000.

01:50:50.000 But if you have children, I can understand why a woman would want some sort of legally binding, some sort of insurance that she's going to be getting money from this guy that she had babies with. 0.99

01:51:02.000 That makes sense to me.

01:51:03.000 You know what drives me crazy, though, is the non-baby alimony.

01:51:08.000 You don't have babies and you have to pay forever.

01:51:10.000 I have a buddy who was married for more than 12 years.

01:51:13.000 I don't know if you know how California works.

01:51:14.000 But California works, if it goes over a certain amount of years, I think it's like 12, You have to pay alimony forever.

01:51:21.000 Forever?

01:51:21.000 Forever.

01:51:22.000 What?

01:51:23.000 Forever ever.

01:51:23.000 Not until the kid's 18?

01:51:25.000 No, there's no kids.

01:51:26.000 There's no kids.

01:51:27.000 Here's my friend's story.

01:51:28.000 If you're married or common law marriage?

01:51:29.000 Married.

01:51:30.000 Married.

01:51:30.000 Common law marriage, I believe, isn't much different.

01:51:32.000 I think you could just sue the shit out of somebody if you have a common law marriage, like if you've been living together and they've been supporting you for a certain amount of time.

01:51:39.000 But this is my friend's story. 0.89

01:51:41.000 And this is a very good friend, so I know the details of this intimately. 0.91

01:51:45.000 I've had fucking sweaty conversations with this guy, where if I introduced him to a hitman, he probably would have taken it. 0.95

01:51:51.000 He probably would have- not really, he's not a murderer. 0.98

01:51:53.000 I don't want to get my friend in trouble.

01:51:55.000 But my friend was married to this woman for a long time, And the last few years, it was real rough. 0.97

01:52:02.000 And he's just like, God damn it, I can't do this anymore. 0.96

01:52:04.000 And he doesn't know what to do. 0.98

01:52:05.000 And then one day he decided to get out.

01:52:08.000 And she was furious.

01:52:09.000 And she prolonged the divorce forever.

01:52:12.000 She tortured him during the divorce.

01:52:14.000 Because when you don't have a prenup, then you have to argue over each point of the divorce.

01:52:18.000 Well, her idea was, since it was all his money, because she didn't have a job and he was supporting her, he had to pay for her lawyer as well as his lawyer.

01:52:27.000 I heard some lawyers do it for free, knowing that they'll get paid at the end.

01:52:31.000 Oh, most certainly.

01:52:32.000 They would do that.

01:52:34.000 But they don't have to do that. 0.99

01:52:35.000 If the woman is in a scenario where the man pays for everything and she doesn't have a job, well, the man has to pay for her fucking divorce. 1.00

01:52:43.000 It's like going to war and you have to pay for the other army's general. 0.94

01:52:47.000 If she doesn't have a job and has no income and has been living off of whatever he makes, how are they supposed to go to court?

01:52:53.000 Exactly.

01:52:54.000 If he doesn't pay for her lawyer. 1.00

01:52:55.000 She should get a fucking job. 1.00

01:52:56.000 I mean, she doesn't have kids. 1.00

01:52:57.000 There's no reason why she doesn't have a job. 1.00

01:52:59.000 But even though he doesn't want to be with her anymore, he's legally bound to be with her.

01:53:03.000 Okay, so he has this law contract with her, this legal marriage contract, and it goes on for almost two years.

01:53:11.000 Where she makes an agreement, they come to some sort of agreement, and then she drags it out even further.

01:53:17.000 She changes what she wants. 0.91

01:53:18.000 And she's allowed to do that. 0.61

01:53:20.000 She's allowed to change whatever she wants.

01:53:21.000 She doesn't have to agree to anything.

01:53:23.000 So she keeps fighting it.

01:53:24.000 And since she's fighting it with his money, she's just bleeding him. 1.00

01:53:29.000 And bleeding him.

01:53:30.000 And she knows he has a lot of money.

01:53:31.000 She knows exactly how much money he makes.

01:53:33.000 So she keeps bleeding him over and over and over again.

01:53:35.000 Because she used to do his bookkeeping.

01:53:37.000 No, she didn't do his booking. 0.99

01:53:38.000 She'd do a damn thing. 0.99

01:53:39.000 She walked a little dog around Pacific Palisades. 0.99

01:53:42.000 That's what she did.

01:53:43.000 She didn't do nothing.

01:53:44.000 Isn't that where Jeffrey Lash was?

01:53:46.000 Uh, yes.

01:53:47.000 This woman's an alien. 1.00

01:53:49.000 Anyway, my point is this shit went on for like two years and cost him insane ungodly amounts of money Then after it's all over he lost his house. 0.99

01:53:59.000 So she lives in this beautiful house. 0.99

01:54:01.000 It's overlooking the ocean I mean it is fucking stunning this amazing house and he has to pay her alimony for the rest of her life Until she gets married if she gets married or cohabitates with a man Ah, but this is where it's crazy.

01:54:16.000 So now she has a boyfriend, but the boyfriend lives with her. 0.99

01:54:19.000 Why would he live in his fucking shitty house when they can live in this beautiful house overlooking the ocean? 1.00

01:54:24.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:54:24.000 So the boyfriend moves in, and then they send inspectors over to find out if the boyfriend is living there. 1.00

01:54:31.000 She knows the inspectors are coming, so he grabs all his stuff, puts it in a fucking U-Haul, literally... 0.99

01:54:37.000 Drives a mile away, parks the U-Haul, waits for the inspectors to leave, turns back around, reloads all his shit back into the house again. 1.00

01:54:46.000 Wow. 1.00

01:54:46.000 Because if this guy and her are married, the gravy train stops. 1.00

01:54:50.000 But if the guy and her are together, she gets hundreds of thousands of dollars every year.

01:54:58.000 Hundreds of thousands of dollars.

01:55:00.000 Like, she's living an opulent lifestyle. 0.82

01:55:03.000 So this guy's going to disappear soon.

01:55:04.000 With a man that she just used to date.

01:55:06.000 She used to date him.

01:55:07.000 They haven't been together, like, romantically in more than a decade.

01:55:10.000 But this guy, every week, is writing fat checks. 1.00

01:55:14.000 Fat fucking checks and sending them off in the mail. 1.00

01:55:17.000 Hundreds. 1.00

01:55:18.000 It's driving them mad.

01:55:19.000 That's what Trump should run on.

01:55:20.000 What, divorce?

01:55:21.000 Alimony rights. 0.90

01:55:23.000 But it doesn't always work that way.

01:55:25.000 It's like this guy just is a combination of a ruthless woman who knows the system, good lawyers that can manipulate a guy who makes a lot of money. 1.00

01:55:33.000 You know, there's a lot of stuff involved in it.

01:55:35.000 He should hire inspectors or private investigators, get the inspectors to come back, have the video of him taking the U-Haul.

01:55:43.000 Yeah, take photos of him.

01:55:44.000 It's not good enough.

01:55:45.000 It's not good enough.

01:55:46.000 He could leave a certain amount of personal items there.

01:55:49.000 The point is like...

01:55:51.000 They're manipulating it.

01:55:53.000 Like, all he has to do is keep an apartment.

01:55:54.000 He could have the shittiest apartment in Compton, and then like, no, this is my place.

01:55:58.000 And like, stay over her house 99% of the time. 1.00

01:56:01.000 Just go over his house, take a shit, and leave. 1.00

01:56:03.000 And they can't force them to get married. 1.00

01:56:05.000 Nope.

01:56:05.000 No, they can't.

01:56:06.000 Get on your knees and propose right now.

01:56:09.000 Yeah, and because if it's common law after a certain amount of years, I wonder if the money stops then. 1.00

01:56:13.000 But either way, this guy is just beyond fucked, and it drives him crazy. 0.99

01:56:18.000 And he doesn't even like this person. 1.00

01:56:21.000 Not only does he not like her, he knows that she spent millions of dollars...

01:56:24.000 Of his money, fighting him in this divorce settlement.

01:56:28.000 And then once it came out...

01:56:29.000 You're not talking about a guy who did anything terrible.

01:56:32.000 He didn't kill anybody.

01:56:33.000 He didn't rob anybody.

01:56:34.000 But he's become a victim of a legal system.

01:56:37.000 And this legal system has him obligated to pay this woman until she stops breathing on planet Earth. 0.94

01:56:45.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:56:46.000 Fuck California. 1.00

01:56:47.000 Why are we here? 1.00

01:56:48.000 So she's only like, I think she's in her 40s.

01:56:50.000 And they weren't married for 12 years.

01:56:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:56:52.000 So if they live another 30 or 40 years, this fucking guy has to pay her hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. 1.00

01:56:59.000 And I think it's almost a million. 0.99

01:57:00.000 I think it's not just hundreds of thousands.

01:57:02.000 I think it's many, many hundreds of thousands.

01:57:04.000 And he's a wealthy man.

01:57:05.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:57:06.000 He's done very well.

01:57:07.000 But he works for a living.

01:57:08.000 And this is a guy who has his own business.

01:57:10.000 And she just collects checks for a living. 1.00

01:57:12.000 He's not a thief.

01:57:13.000 I mean, this guy's not doing anything unscrupulous to make this money. 0.99

01:57:17.000 So this is all money that he earned because he runs his own business, and he's a fucking workhorse, this guy. 0.98

01:57:22.000 And he dated a woman that was better looking than him. 1.00

01:57:25.000 He fucked up. 1.00

01:57:26.000 He dated a woman that was better looking than him. 1.00

01:57:28.000 And it didn't work out.

01:57:29.000 And then, you know, he just thought, I don't need a prenuptial.

01:57:32.000 I love her.

01:57:32.000 She doesn't want a prenuptial.

01:57:34.000 So this is how crazy this guy is.

01:57:35.000 He gets married again after this, and his new wife wants to have no prenup. 0.99

01:57:41.000 And he was thinking of going through with it and everybody was fucking grabbing him. 1.00

01:57:45.000 Don't you fucking do this! 1.00

01:57:47.000 We've been going through this with you for the past three fucking years. 1.00

01:57:50.000 You are not going to do this. 0.99

01:57:52.000 Didn't he do it?

01:57:52.000 No, he didn't.

01:57:53.000 He got a prenup.

01:57:53.000 He got a very generous prenup, but as a prenup.

01:57:56.000 And they got married. 1.00

01:57:56.000 The point being, a prenup, at least, even if it's ridiculous, even if, like, you know, Esther and Brian get married and Brian has to pay Esther a million dollars a year for the rest of her life if they break up, at least that's set in stone where she can say, Fuck you, Brian! 1.00

01:58:09.000 I want three million dollars! 1.00

01:58:10.000 I can't believe I sucked your dick! 1.00

01:58:12.000 I can't believe it! 1.00

01:58:12.000 I want that fucking money! 1.00

01:58:14.000 And that's what happens when people get angry at each other when they get divorced. 1.00

01:58:17.000 They just fight, and they fight, and they fight, and then there becomes this, I'm gonna break this motherfucker. 0.99

01:58:22.000 See, that's the thing about getting married, is that divorce fights sound fucking awful. 0.99

01:58:27.000 Well, they only sound awful because they can be awful. 0.97

01:58:30.000 That's the thing that's really crazy about marriage, is because they can be awful.

01:58:34.000 You can demand, there's a legal thing going on.

01:58:38.000 There's a contract that's disputed, so you can battle about it.

01:58:44.000 If you guys are just dating, okay, and you broke up, well, that's it.

01:58:47.000 It's over.

01:58:48.000 Brian says, I don't want to date you anymore. 1.00

01:58:50.000 And you're like, fuck you, I don't want to date you anymore either, but I want money. 1.00

01:58:53.000 Brian would be like, what are you talking about? 1.00

01:58:54.000 I'm not giving you money.

01:58:55.000 Get away from me.

01:58:56.000 You know, get out of here. 0.53

01:58:57.000 Stop.

01:58:58.000 You change your phone number, and we're over.

01:59:00.000 It's over.

01:59:01.000 The battle ends.

01:59:02.000 But if you're married...

01:59:04.000 The battle's just begun.

01:59:06.000 Jesus.

01:59:06.000 Just begun.

01:59:08.000 And then the lawyers get together, and they touch each other, and they rub hands, and they go, we're going to clean this motherfucker out. 0.99

01:59:14.000 Because you've got two lawyers who are working for the same guy, and they're battling a different position. 0.99

01:59:21.000 One is working for you, but you're battling for the wife. 1.00

01:59:25.000 But you're still getting the checks from the same guy. 1.00

01:59:27.000 He's fucked. 0.99

01:59:28.000 So they know that all they have to do is stretch this dance out. 1.00

01:59:31.000 So they kept this dance going for...

01:59:33.000 I think more than two years.

01:59:35.000 For more than two years, this guy was going through a divorce.

01:59:37.000 Wow.

01:59:38.000 Just bleeding!

01:59:40.000 And I would see him, he'd be gray. 0.99

01:59:42.000 Like, gray skin and sweaty and fucking just freaking the fuck out. 1.00

01:59:47.000 Just hemorrhaging money. 0.99

01:59:49.000 Hemorrhaging.

01:59:50.000 And working all day.

01:59:51.000 Working every day.

01:59:52.000 Nine, ten hours a day.

01:59:53.000 Coming home exhausted.

01:59:54.000 Does he want kids?

01:59:54.000 Why is he getting married again?

01:59:55.000 Yes.

01:59:56.000 Yes, he wanted kids.

01:59:57.000 It's not just that.

01:59:58.000 He loves this woman, this other woman.

02:00:01.000 It's not that he doesn't believe in relationships.

02:00:03.000 The relationship that he had just didn't work.

02:00:08.000 Sometimes it doesn't work.

02:00:10.000 Sometimes people are great.

02:00:12.000 Sometimes you're great and he's great.

02:00:13.000 Sometimes a woman has to pay alimony to the guy because when they started going out, he was making more money and then she started surpassing him and wrote a screenplay and then owes him. 1.00

02:00:21.000 Those moments are so rare.

02:00:23.000 I hate when people even talk about them. 0.99

02:00:25.000 That's like when women say, sometimes women rape men. 1.00

02:00:28.000 Like, okay, maybe they do. 0.99

02:00:31.000 One in a million.

02:00:32.000 Yeah.

02:00:33.000 The times that the women are paying alimony, how rare are those? 1.00

02:00:37.000 It's true.

02:00:38.000 50-50, Joe.

02:00:39.000 Yeah.

02:00:40.000 Well, then there would be a good argument to quit alimony.

02:00:43.000 Let's just bail on it.

02:00:44.000 I think alimony is nonsense.

02:00:46.000 I think if you do have someone, though, that you've been taken care of for a certain amount of time, if you care about them at all, you have an obligation to help them.

02:00:55.000 I don't like people struggling financially.

02:00:57.000 I think it's a horrible thing to see.

02:00:59.000 That's one of the most stressful things in your life.

02:01:01.000 And if someone can help someone and sort of like...

02:01:04.000 Help them move along to a more prosperous future without them.

02:01:08.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

02:01:09.000 But when you get obligations, like my friend, who's like, I think he has to pay $700,000 or $800,000 a year.

02:01:16.000 Forever.

02:01:18.000 What if he doesn't make as much money next year?

02:01:22.000 You know what?

02:01:23.000 I think I might be wrong.

02:01:23.000 I think it's more than a million now that I'm thinking about it.

02:01:26.000 Because there's a bunch of other... 0.98

02:01:27.000 That's so ridiculous. 1.00

02:01:27.000 There's like a bunch of shit tacked in. 1.00

02:01:29.000 There's all this... 1.00

02:01:30.000 Oh, it's so crazy.

02:01:31.000 And this is like what he settled on.

02:01:33.000 This is what he settled for.

02:01:35.000 Over 400,000 people in the United States receiving post-divorce spousal maintenance.

02:01:38.000 Just 3% were men. 0.76

02:01:41.000 And how many of those were from gay dudes?

02:01:43.000 How many of those? 0.98

02:01:44.000 Because Melissa Etheridge plays alimony to her two ex-wives. 1.00

02:01:47.000 That's funny.

02:01:47.000 It's the greatest thing anybody ever said on this podcast.

02:01:50.000 No way!

02:01:50.000 I asked her, I go, how are you paying alimony to two ex-wives?

02:01:54.000 She goes, bitches are crazy. 1.00

02:01:56.000 Oh my god! 1.00

02:01:58.000 And she probably didn't even have kids with them! 1.00

02:02:02.000 She might have. 1.00

02:02:03.000 She might be one of them fucking turkey baster ladies. 1.00

02:02:06.000 Puts a strap on a turkey baster and she's like, shit. 1.00

02:02:10.000 Buy some sperm at the local sperm bank. 1.00

02:02:12.000 Was it her that had David Crosby's cum impregnated in one of her girlfriends or something like that? 0.99

02:02:19.000 People get freaky. 0.98

02:02:21.000 They do little things.

02:02:23.000 Try to do little test things.

02:02:26.000 There's a gay couple living down the street from me, and there's one guy that works all the time, and the other guy is sort of the house husband.

02:02:32.000 They have a great relationship with a housewife.

02:02:36.000 They have a kid, and the guy that doesn't work does most of the taking care of the kid.

02:02:41.000 And he's beautiful.

02:02:43.000 It works for them.

02:02:44.000 They're sweeties.

02:02:45.000 They're the nicest folks.

02:02:47.000 Their kid comes over at parties and stuff.

02:02:50.000 Their kid is the same age as my kids.

02:02:52.000 We play together all the time.

02:02:54.000 He's always over the house.

02:02:56.000 They're the nicest people.

02:02:57.000 For someone who doesn't know gay people, it just seems weird that these two guys are in love with each other and that they hold hands.

02:03:03.000 But once you get used to them, the dynamic of them, you know who they are.

02:03:07.000 They're the nicest, friendliest people, and they get along.

02:03:10.000 It works great.

02:03:11.000 They've been together for years.

02:03:12.000 And the kid's not traumatized, you know?

02:03:14.000 The kid's fine.

02:03:14.000 The kid's like, this is awesome.

02:03:16.000 My dads are awesome.

02:03:17.000 One of the reasons why the kid's fine is because we live in California.

02:03:20.000 And California is very open-minded when it comes to gay people.

02:03:23.000 It's more open-minded, I think, than any place else I've ever lived.

02:03:26.000 It's like, you know, so much so that...

02:03:30.000 It's becoming more of an issue if you're a homophobe than it is if you're gay. 0.98

02:03:35.000 Like, if people find out you're homophobic, it's so repulsive. 1.00

02:03:38.000 It's like, what do you give a shit? 1.00

02:03:40.000 Like, that's more repulsive than it is, like, if you're a homophobic person, you see a gay person. 1.00

02:03:45.000 Like, it's almost more stigmatizing to be homophobic than it is, as far as numbers go, than it is to be gay.

02:03:54.000 Almost.

02:03:54.000 And that would be the goal, right?

02:03:56.000 The goal would be to make being a homophobe horrible.

02:03:57.000 I mean, San Francisco is just amazing as far as just people, people don't want to offend you that they go so far as to like be like, oh, would you like to, you know, get a breast implant to a man?

02:04:09.000 You know what I mean?

02:04:10.000 Like it's just trans, like gender people are just everywhere and it's so, except there's a transgender comedian in San Francisco. 1.00

02:04:17.000 Have you seen him?

02:04:19.000 Her.

02:04:19.000 Her, sorry.

02:04:20.000 Jesus Christ, you misgendered! 1.00

02:04:21.000 You can't misgender.

02:04:22.000 It's super bad.

02:04:24.000 They get so mad.

02:04:25.000 I forget her name, but she was hilarious.

02:04:27.000 By the way, I don't understand people getting upset at something is obviously a mistake, as misgender. 1.00

02:04:32.000 Like, if you used to be a man, and now you're a woman, and someone actually calls you he...

02:04:38.000 Relax.

02:04:38.000 Okay?

02:04:40.000 Relax.

02:04:40.000 Because if you call me a she, guess what?

02:04:43.000 I'm not getting upset at you.

02:04:44.000 I'm just not.

02:04:45.000 If you're like, have you seen Joe Rogan?

02:04:46.000 Oh my god, she's really funny.

02:04:48.000 That happens just on the regular.

02:04:50.000 Wouldn't bug me.

02:04:51.000 You know?

02:04:51.000 Like, whatever.

02:04:52.000 People call you a he?

02:04:54.000 I mean, just like you make a mistake.

02:04:56.000 Like, it's almost like...

02:04:58.000 Like, ma'am.

02:04:58.000 Like, when you gotta go, thanks, ma'am.

02:05:00.000 Sure.

02:05:00.000 And you're like, whoops, that's a dude.

02:05:01.000 If it's a mistake.

02:05:02.000 Or you call your friend that's a girl brother.

02:05:04.000 Alright, brother, I'll see you soon.

02:05:07.000 Or dude or bro.

02:05:08.000 But dude or dude is okay.

02:05:09.000 Dude is pretty much universal.

02:05:11.000 You can call a girl dude.

02:05:12.000 Like, guys.

02:05:13.000 Like, hey, guys.

02:05:13.000 Like, there could be, like, four girls and a guy.

02:05:16.000 And you're like, what's up, guys?

02:05:17.000 And nobody gets upset.

02:05:18.000 And if they do, stop hanging out with them.

02:05:20.000 Right?

02:05:21.000 Mm-hmm.

02:05:22.000 Because if someone says, guys is not really just guys.

02:05:24.000 The problem is, it's so gender specific.

02:05:26.000 There's no, like, female equivalent to guys. 0.75

02:05:31.000 You know, where you could say a bunch of girls can be guys. 1.00

02:05:34.000 Technically it's gals, but that just sounds dumb.

02:05:36.000 Yeah, but nobody's, you know what I'm saying?

02:05:38.000 No one uses it universally.

02:05:40.000 Like, you don't see a group of men and someone says, hey girls, or hey gals.

02:05:45.000 But you could see, like, five girls and go, what's up guys?

02:05:48.000 What's up?

02:05:49.000 And somehow or another it's acceptable. 1.00

02:05:51.000 Girls, like, you can go up to your friends and go, what the fuck you guys doing? 0.99

02:05:55.000 You can actually say that, right? 1.00

02:05:57.000 Right.

02:05:58.000 And it's not weird.

02:05:59.000 It's not weird.

02:05:59.000 It's like, it happens all the time.

02:06:01.000 Yeah, what is that?

02:06:02.000 How is that?

02:06:03.000 Because we just live in such a male-dominated world.

02:06:08.000 Is that frustrating, being a woman?

02:06:09.000 Um, well, it was when I was a kid, yeah.

02:06:14.000 Because, like, I just was surrounded by guys, so I thought, you know, so I felt like I have three brothers, so I was just, like, constantly battling for the toilet.

02:06:27.000 Is that why you're so into talking about poop?

02:06:29.000 Well, no.

02:06:29.000 You know what it is?

02:06:30.000 It's like, I grew up seeing my brothers pee in the toilet together because they could stand next to each other and all pee at the same time.

02:06:38.000 That I just got so jealous.

02:06:40.000 I was like, when I pee, I take up the whole toilet by myself.

02:06:43.000 I can't hang out with people while peeing.

02:06:47.000 And I thought, man, it would be awesome to be a guy.

02:06:51.000 You can double stack it.

02:06:52.000 Have you seen those things that they have for women where they can pee outdoors? 1.00

02:06:55.000 It's like a funnel you put over your box.

02:06:57.000 Yeah, they have that at like Bass Pro Shops and stuff.

02:07:00.000 I've seen it.

02:07:01.000 Yeah, so you can go camping.

02:07:03.000 I want to try it.

02:07:04.000 It has good reviews online.

02:07:06.000 Yeah, well, the kind of people that would use that thing probably enjoy it.

02:07:10.000 I just squat over a pile of leaves.

02:07:12.000 Do you?

02:07:13.000 Yeah.

02:07:14.000 If you're camping.

02:07:15.000 Do you camp?

02:07:16.000 I've gone camping.

02:07:17.000 How many times?

02:07:18.000 Twice.

02:07:18.000 Did you enjoy it?

02:07:19.000 It was so much fun.

02:07:21.000 Where'd you go?

02:07:21.000 I went in Florida, Silver Lake, Silver Springs.

02:07:26.000 See, camping in Florida takes on a totally different meaning because you could easily run into meth heads or crazy people out there in the woods.

02:07:34.000 You know what?

02:07:35.000 I didn't.

02:07:37.000 You're lucky.

02:07:37.000 You only went twice.

02:07:38.000 Shit. 1.00

02:07:39.000 I know. 1.00

02:07:39.000 Well, maybe the third time I will. 1.00

02:07:41.000 That's like going hunting for UFOs twice and saying, oh, there's nothing out there.

02:07:45.000 You never know.

02:07:46.000 There's a lot of numbers.

02:07:47.000 I was surprised that everybody just left all their stuff in the open when they ride their bikes down the path, you know, go down to the beach, and everybody just has their stuff, and you're just on an honor system.

02:07:57.000 Yeah.

02:07:58.000 You know?

02:07:59.000 And, like, nothing got stolen.

02:08:00.000 And it's not like...

02:08:01.000 It happens, though.

02:08:02.000 It happens, right?

02:08:03.000 All the time.

02:08:04.000 It's a big problem with campgrounds.

02:08:05.000 Oh, really? 1.00

02:08:06.000 You have to, like, lock your shit up. 1.00

02:08:08.000 Well, I mean, if you have anything really valuable, you lock it up in your car. 0.99

02:08:11.000 But, yeah, people's tents get robbed all the time. 0.99

02:08:13.000 Oh, damn. 0.99

02:08:14.000 Well, it's just one of those things. 0.99

02:08:15.000 It also attracts a lot of vagrants and a lot of people that are down on their luck, and that's why they're sleeping in a tent.

02:08:21.000 There's people that are essentially homeless, but they have a tent.

02:08:24.000 And if you have a public campground and there's a shower there, you can kind of get by.

02:08:29.000 That's why you need to get a reservation at a public campground that's hard to get to.

02:08:33.000 You take a ferry, and then the guy in a jeep picks you up, and you're in his trolley, and then it takes you down to your campsite.

02:08:41.000 Brian, ever tell you about Bean from Kevin and Bean?

02:08:43.000 He lives on an island.

02:08:45.000 He lives on an island outside of Seattle.

02:08:47.000 You can't even get to it unless you take a ferry. 0.99

02:08:50.000 The guy lives on an island out in the middle of the fucking bay. 0.97

02:08:55.000 And, you know, he's kind of in Seattle, but he does. 0.99

02:08:58.000 And there's nothing else?

02:08:59.000 No.

02:09:00.000 You ever do Kevin and Bean?

02:09:00.000 The best.

02:09:01.000 They're awesome.

02:09:02.000 And they're still around.

02:09:03.000 They're like one of the last radio shows that's still around.

02:09:06.000 But he is wired into the L.A. studio.

02:09:10.000 So he lives in Seattle and Kevin still lives in L.A. And the guests come to L.A. When I do the show, I do it in studio.

02:09:20.000 Except when I call in.

02:09:22.000 Tomorrow I'm calling in.

02:09:23.000 But when I do it in studio, you sit down there with Kevin and Bean is over the loudspeaker.

02:09:28.000 And it sounds like he's right there with you.

02:09:30.000 But you don't see him.

02:09:31.000 He's like the eye in the sky.

02:09:32.000 He's like, God...

02:09:33.000 You think they would have at least a Skype system going on so you could at least see him?

02:09:37.000 No, you don't see him.

02:09:38.000 He's laying in bed.

02:09:39.000 Well, you can see him.

02:09:41.000 They have some sort of a setup where you can see him on a video camera or something.

02:09:44.000 But there's probably a delay.

02:09:46.000 No, no delay.

02:09:47.000 No, because it's like an ISDN line, so the delay is so minuscule.

02:09:50.000 The listeners can't tell.

02:09:51.000 No, you can't tell.

02:09:53.000 The delay is the difference between this and this.

02:09:57.000 It's so short, it's like this, this.

02:09:59.000 It's like maybe a half second, not even.

02:10:01.000 It's like an internet lag.

02:10:04.000 It's like ping, yeah.

02:10:05.000 So if you're saying something and...

02:10:09.000 It's not that critical that what you're saying has to be an eighth of a second quicker.

02:10:13.000 Just whenever it comes out, it seems like it's real time.

02:10:16.000 So he does it from an island.

02:10:18.000 But I always wondered, I don't know if I could do that, man.

02:10:20.000 I don't know if I could live on an island.

02:10:22.000 That would kind of weird me out.

02:10:23.000 There's this place in San Diego that's like that I went to where you take a ferry over and then it's just like this small island and it's a whole community though.

02:10:31.000 They have like a little grocery store, little sushi place, little dry cleaner, but just houses everywhere.

02:10:37.000 But it's completely cut off.

02:10:39.000 If there's a bad storm or something like that, they can't have the ferry.

02:10:43.000 Everyone's stuck or not stuck on that island.

02:10:45.000 Well, there's that island outside of San Diego that all the super rich people live.

02:10:49.000 That's the island, I think.

02:10:50.000 Yeah, that's like Dick Cheney's got a house out there, and yeah, that's a spooky spot.

02:10:55.000 So you've been to that?

02:10:56.000 I've never been.

02:10:57.000 Oh, it's so weird.

02:10:58.000 We went there and ate.

02:10:59.000 What's it called?

02:11:01.000 I think it's Coronado Island.

02:11:02.000 Yes.

02:11:03.000 That's exactly what it's called.

02:11:04.000 Exactly what it is.

02:11:04.000 Yeah.

02:11:04.000 There was some sort of a murder mystery that was going on there.

02:11:08.000 There was some unsolved murder in some really wealthy family that they felt like some shenanigans had taken place.

02:11:13.000 I can't remember the story.

02:11:15.000 Oh, I know.

02:11:15.000 Yeah.

02:11:15.000 You know the story?

02:11:16.000 Yeah.

02:11:17.000 Do you know about it?

02:11:18.000 Do you know how it goes?

02:11:18.000 I read about it.

02:11:19.000 The wife was murdered.

02:11:21.000 Yeah.

02:11:22.000 Yeah.

02:11:23.000 There was some shenanigans.

02:11:23.000 I know, and something with the son, too.

02:11:25.000 Mm-hmm.

02:11:26.000 Yeah.

02:11:26.000 The son got murdered?

02:11:27.000 I don't remember.

02:11:29.000 This is the worst story ever.

02:11:32.000 Let's see.

02:11:32.000 Murder on Coronado Isle.

02:11:34.000 Let's see.

02:11:34.000 Murder mystery.

02:11:35.000 I remember that case.

02:11:36.000 Murder mystery.

02:11:37.000 Something was really suspicious.

02:11:39.000 The death of Rebecca Zahau.

02:11:41.000 She was an Asian woman. 0.90

02:11:42.000 Crank that up here.

02:11:43.000 It was discovered dead July 13, 2011. Oh, right.

02:11:48.000 You know what?

02:11:49.000 She was like the stepmom and they thought that she killed his son. 0.96

02:11:54.000 And so all of a sudden she goes missing and she's murdered.

02:11:58.000 Oh, this is what happened.

02:11:59.000 She died two days after this guy's son, Max, took a fatal fall from a staircase banister in the same beach house.

02:12:09.000 The woman was the only adult present at the time of his fall.

02:12:13.000 So he killed her thinking that she killed him. 1.00

02:12:16.000 Or she fucked up. 0.99

02:12:20.000 Bill Gore announced September 2nd, 2011 that Zahahu's death was a suicide while the younger something-something was an accident and that neither was the result of foul play. 0.99

02:12:34.000 A member of Zahahu's family sued Max's parents for $10 million, disputing the contention that her death was suicide.

02:12:42.000 Huh.

02:12:43.000 How'd that settle?

02:12:44.000 How'd the lawsuit play out?

02:12:46.000 I don't remember what happened.

02:12:48.000 So you can sue someone for something.

02:12:50.000 Civil lawsuits are really tricky.

02:12:52.000 It's like where OJ got sued because of the dude's family.

02:12:59.000 What was his name?

02:13:00.000 You know, there's his wife and then the boyfriend.

02:13:04.000 Ron Goldman.

02:13:05.000 Ron Goldman, yeah.

02:13:06.000 Ron Goldman's family sued and won.

02:13:08.000 And that's why he had to, like, go bankrupt.

02:13:11.000 Get, like, his Heisman Trophy or something like that.

02:13:14.000 Yeah, they got his Heisman.

02:13:15.000 But who wants that?

02:13:16.000 You know? 1.00

02:13:17.000 Try selling that fucking gross. 1.00

02:13:18.000 So did they say it was a suicide? 1.00

02:13:21.000 This woman?

02:13:21.000 Yeah.

02:13:22.000 No, I don't think they know. 0.99

02:13:23.000 No one was there, except the dude and her, and he probably pushed her off the fucking side. 1.00

02:13:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:27.000 Probably was like, bitch, you killed my baby. 1.00

02:13:28.000 I'm sure he killed her. 1.00

02:13:29.000 Most likely. 0.73

02:13:30.000 Yeah.

02:13:30.000 Seems like it.

02:13:31.000 But she might have killed herself, too. 1.00

02:13:32.000 She might have fucking hated him blaming her for a stupid kid jumping, so she's like, you know what, bitch? 1.00

02:13:37.000 I'm gonna get you in trouble. 1.00

02:13:38.000 I'm just gonna kill myself. 1.00

02:13:39.000 And it was a huge house, so the boy could have just fallen off a staircase and just died accidentally. 0.99

02:13:45.000 She probably wasn't paying attention. 0.97

02:13:46.000 That's probably why, if someone wanted to kill her, that's why they would want to kill her.

02:13:49.000 Just they were furious that you weren't paying attention.

02:13:51.000 You've got to watch two-year-olds. 0.86

02:13:52.000 You've got to be right there with them all the time.

02:13:54.000 He was six, yeah.

02:13:55.000 He was six?

02:13:56.000 He was six, it said.

02:13:57.000 Is that what it said?

02:13:58.000 Why did I think it said two?

02:13:59.000 Six.

02:14:00.000 Six, yeah.

02:14:01.000 You know, even six-year-olds.

02:14:02.000 They actually, sometimes you have to watch them even more because they get real cocky.

02:14:05.000 You can't raise six-year-olds in a big mansion with a banister staircase. 0.99

02:14:09.000 Well, if you do, you have to fucking pay attention to them. 0.99

02:14:12.000 I mean, who knows? 0.97

02:14:13.000 But who knows what happened?

02:14:14.000 You know, we don't know what happened with the kid.

02:14:16.000 We don't know what happened to her. 0.99

02:14:17.000 There might have been some weird shit with him or her. 0.95

02:14:21.000 Okay, what does it say? 0.98

02:14:22.000 July 13, 2011. A nude body of Zahu was found bound and hanging from a balcony at the famous speckled mansion in Coronado.

02:14:31.000 A cryptic message written in black paint was found just outside the second story room in the house, which read, She saved him.

02:14:38.000 Can you save her?

02:14:39.000 What?

02:14:40.000 I'm confused.

02:14:43.000 Wait a minute.

02:14:44.000 I thought she fell.

02:14:49.000 Okay.

02:14:50.000 Amended lawsuit.

02:14:51.000 Rebecca Zahau beaten, strangled, and pushed off a balcony.

02:14:56.000 She was found dead.

02:14:57.000 Oh, okay.

02:14:58.000 This is a totally different story.

02:15:00.000 This was from last year.

02:15:02.000 Oh, so now they're, so it's still going on.

02:15:06.000 Whoa, scroll down here.

02:15:08.000 Ten million dollar claiming, lawsuits claiming Rebecca Zahauz.

02:15:15.000 This is why I'm saying it weird.

02:15:17.000 Z-A-H-A-U. How do you think you spell that?

02:15:21.000 How do you think you pronounce that?

02:15:23.000 Zahauz? 1.00

02:15:24.000 Death?

02:15:25.000 It was a murder and not a suicide.

02:15:27.000 It's been amended to allege new details of how three people conspired to kill her, beating, gagging, and strangling her.

02:15:35.000 With the autopsy, it couldn't have been a suicide.

02:15:39.000 Really?

02:15:40.000 Yeah, I think they found marks on her body.

02:15:43.000 Hmm.

02:15:44.000 Jesus Christ.

02:15:46.000 Okay.

02:15:49.000 Well, who knows?

02:15:50.000 Who knows?

02:15:51.000 She might have been evil. 1.00

02:15:52.000 She might have killed the kid. 1.00

02:15:54.000 They might have killed her. 0.99

02:15:55.000 Or maybe it was an accident.

02:15:57.000 I don't know, but I mean, if they found her hanging, I mean, if they really did find her hanging, like it says there.

02:16:03.000 The document goes on to claim that the trio struck Zhao on the head multiple times with a blunt instrument, physically restrained her, gagged her, bound her, and strangled her to the point of unconsciousness or death.

02:16:17.000 Huh.

02:16:18.000 I don't know.

02:16:19.000 I don't even want to know.

02:16:20.000 Seems to be from a lawsuit that this is all coming from too, not like an official...

02:16:24.000 Police ruling?

02:16:26.000 Right.

02:16:26.000 So this is just their claims?

02:16:27.000 Is that what it is?

02:16:29.000 I think that's what this...

02:16:30.000 Probably trying to...

02:16:31.000 Again, probably some people that at one point in time were madly in love.

02:16:35.000 They loved each other, Esther.

02:16:37.000 They wanted to be together forever and ever and ever.

02:16:38.000 I love you.

02:16:39.000 I love you.

02:16:40.000 I hug you. 0.88

02:16:41.000 How do you know who's going to kill you?

02:16:45.000 You know what I mean?

02:16:46.000 These people, they didn't pick up on the red flags, if there were any.

02:16:52.000 Well, there might be no indication up until the point where that kid died. 1.00

02:16:57.000 I mean, the kid dying might have been like this fucking dumb bitch. 1.00

02:17:01.000 You know, it might have been like the straw that broke the camel's back. 1.00

02:17:04.000 I mean, if they did murder her, that might be, or, who knows, she might be evil.

02:17:09.000 I mean, she might have been just a horrible person, and they might have hated her already, and then when she killed the kid, she might have pushed the kid. 1.00

02:17:15.000 Who knows? 1.00

02:17:16.000 People are assholes. 1.00

02:17:17.000 There's a lot of creepy fucks out there in this world. 1.00

02:17:20.000 Maybe she killed him. 1.00

02:17:21.000 She could have. 0.58

02:17:22.000 You know, you would think that she didn't.

02:17:24.000 I would like to think it was an accident.

02:17:26.000 Yeah, I would like to think that both of them were an accident.

02:17:28.000 You know?

02:17:28.000 The civil suit is just frivolous.

02:17:31.000 But you never know.

02:17:33.000 Of course you never know.

02:17:34.000 You were talking about taking care of a two-year-old, and Jamie, I just emailed you a video.

02:17:39.000 There's this video that somebody posted last night, and it's one of the most...

02:17:43.000 We saw it already.

02:17:44.000 Me and Joe watched it on the air.

02:17:45.000 I don't know if we should show it on here.

02:17:47.000 What?

02:17:47.000 The Escalator?

02:17:48.000 No, that's not what I was showing.

02:17:50.000 No, I just emailed you...

02:17:53.000 Somebody posted this last night and it's one of these videos that had something to do about a little kid in a swimming pool.

02:18:00.000 And this little kid falls in the swimming pool, but it has been trained to survive.

02:18:06.000 And this kid is like a baby, can't even talk. 0.99

02:18:09.000 And so it shows this little baby and at first you're like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99

02:18:13.000 This baby falls in the pool and then the baby just learned how to float. 0.99

02:18:17.000 And it's just sitting there going...

02:18:19.000 It is the creepiest, coolest video at the same time. 0.89

02:18:23.000 Well, babies are really fat.

02:18:24.000 They can float pretty good.

02:18:25.000 Yeah.

02:18:25.000 That's awesome.

02:18:26.000 It didn't panic.

02:18:27.000 Yeah, but when you see this video, it's one of the most interesting videos to watch because it's something you don't want to see mixed with the baby knowing what it's doing.

02:18:35.000 So it has this really uneasy feel to it.

02:18:38.000 Here's the baby walking out.

02:18:40.000 It has great sound on it also.

02:18:41.000 If...

02:18:44.000 But it's...

02:18:45.000 So they did this on purpose.

02:18:46.000 They made this video on purpose just to show what the baby can do.

02:18:49.000 Yeah, show this baby. 0.82

02:18:50.000 This is a baby, man.

02:18:51.000 This is not even a two-year-old.

02:18:53.000 Watch this.

02:18:53.000 This is a little tiny toddler.

02:18:55.000 And...

02:18:55.000 And who's recording this?

02:18:57.000 There's two...

02:18:58.000 The dad's recording this.

02:19:00.000 And watch.

02:19:00.000 This is where the baby falls in.

02:19:04.000 Like, this baby's done this before, right?

02:19:06.000 So the baby jumped in the water, kicks...

02:19:08.000 Wow.

02:19:09.000 Amazing baby.

02:19:10.000 Flopping around.

02:19:11.000 And then...

02:19:11.000 Gets up to the surface.

02:19:12.000 And then, watch...

02:19:15.000 Just relaxing, lying on its back.

02:19:16.000 Wow, it's beautiful.

02:19:17.000 But wait a minute, is this a suit he's wearing?

02:19:19.000 Is this a special suit?

02:19:21.000 No, I think this is just his little pajamas.

02:19:23.000 Are you sure?

02:19:23.000 But, you know, I have no idea.

02:19:27.000 Wow.

02:19:28.000 And it starts actually talking. 0.99

02:19:33.000 It's kind of fucked that they leave him there like this for this long. 0.99

02:19:35.000 I know! 0.99

02:19:36.000 I get the video, dude. 1.00

02:19:37.000 Go rescue your fucking kid. 1.00

02:19:40.000 And guess what? 1.00

02:19:40.000 This goes on for another minute. 1.00

02:19:44.000 What?!

02:19:44.000 Okay, okay, cut it off.

02:19:46.000 If you cut to the very end, you can see where the baby- look how it's a really cute baby when the guy grabs it at the very end of the video.

02:19:56.000 It's just happy as can be.

02:19:58.000 He's laughing.

02:19:59.000 I just thought that was interesting and creepy.

02:20:01.000 It is interesting.

02:20:02.000 I wonder if it's a suit or if they just taught the kid to lie on his back and they just naturally float.

02:20:07.000 I think a lot of it is probably they panic, you know?

02:20:10.000 They don't even need a bathing suit.

02:20:12.000 That snuggie outfit was like awesome. 0.99

02:20:16.000 Babies in pools are very fucking dangerous. 0.98

02:20:19.000 That's one of the most dangerous things when you have children, is worrying about them falling into a pool. 1.00

02:20:23.000 One of Demi Moore's kids, a kid drowned at her party the other day.

02:20:27.000 Apparently Demi Moore has Bruce Willis' kids, and they are ragers. 1.00

02:20:34.000 When Demi's out of town, they just have fucking ragers every night. 1.00

02:20:39.000 And somebody wound up dead. 0.99

02:20:43.000 A boy wound up dead face down in the pool.

02:20:45.000 I believe he was 21. Her son?

02:20:47.000 No, some boy.

02:20:48.000 Oh, some other kid.

02:20:49.000 Some did.

02:20:49.000 Ran out of calm, high on meth, fell into the pool.

02:20:53.000 Fucking dead. 1.00

02:20:54.000 I'm sorry if it's your son. 1.00

02:20:55.000 I don't mean, you know, all things matter.

02:20:59.000 How insensitive. 1.00

02:21:00.000 Cover your ass. 1.00

02:21:01.000 That person might be listening. 1.00

02:21:02.000 They become a no, and they don't become a real person, you know?

02:21:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:21:05.000 Oh, God, that sucks. 0.98

02:21:06.000 Yeah, totally. 1.00

02:21:08.000 That's a scary shit thing, man. 1.00

02:21:10.000 Leave your kids alone at home and one of their friends dies in your fucking pool. 1.00

02:21:14.000 Like, oh Christ. 1.00

02:21:16.000 Alcohol and water, man.

02:21:17.000 Super, super dangerous.

02:21:19.000 Yeah.

02:21:19.000 I mean, look at that girl who passed out in the highway that we watched that one time, the video.

02:21:23.000 Now imagine somebody just like hanging out, like, you know, drinking beer and just slips and falls asleep and next thing you know.

02:21:29.000 You know, whenever I think about alcohol and You know what I think about?

02:21:32.000 Those images from the Bryan Singer gay parties that he used to have with the red pool water and 50,000 dudes in their underwear in the pool.

02:21:39.000 I am stuck thinking about that forever.

02:21:42.000 Whenever I think about the fact, you know, like, whenever someone says, like, pool party, people drunk at the pool, I think of that image.

02:21:48.000 Have you ever seen it?

02:21:49.000 No. 1.00

02:21:49.000 It's the craziest shit ever. 1.00

02:21:50.000 Bryan Singer, who, uh, the guy who, look at that. 1.00

02:21:53.000 He's the guy who directed...

02:21:55.000 That's wine?

02:21:55.000 No, that's just lights.

02:21:57.000 You know, he has red lights in the water. 0.95

02:21:59.000 The guy who directed the X-Men, he's a gay dude, likes to party. 1.00

02:22:02.000 And so he has these parties with all these young studs and twinks, and they just fill a pool. 0.59

02:22:10.000 Not from ripped buckles?

02:22:11.000 Yeah, you already talked about this.

02:22:13.000 You couldn't wait, could you?

02:22:16.000 Look at that.

02:22:17.000 It's like everybody drank beet juice. 0.99

02:22:19.000 It's just gay soup. 1.00

02:22:20.000 Diarrhea. 1.00

02:22:21.000 Gay soup. 0.99

02:22:22.000 That's what it is. 0.99

02:22:23.000 But that's what I think about.

02:22:25.000 Whenever I think about pools and alcohol, that's the out-of-control scenario.

02:22:30.000 Yeah!

02:22:33.000 That's what was going on at Demi Moore's house. 1.00

02:22:35.000 The Lyft driver last night, Joe, saw you 20 years ago, and you said something to an audience member that he says to himself every single day since he's seen you.

02:22:45.000 What is that?

02:22:46.000 There was some woman heckler, and you said, where did you learn to whisper a sawmill? 1.00

02:22:53.000 That's a hack line.

02:22:56.000 That's a hack line.

02:22:57.000 He uses that all the time?

02:22:59.000 He says he thinks about it every day.

02:23:03.000 Yeah, people, that's a hack line.

02:23:04.000 That's like a standard, like a stock line.

02:23:07.000 Where'd you learn to whisper?

02:23:08.000 Helicopter.

02:23:08.000 That's another one.

02:23:10.000 Where'd you learn to whisper?

02:23:11.000 You know, a war zone.

02:23:14.000 Yeah, it's a hack.

02:23:15.000 I had to write it down.

02:23:16.000 There was a guy named Brent that worked at the Comedy Store and he said that him and this guy named Brent, who now lives in Vegas, and Dom Barris all went to a strip club once.

02:23:27.000 He says it was the most insane night ever because Don was just screaming at all the strippers and stuff.

02:23:34.000 I can see Don Barris doing his act to the strippers.

02:23:37.000 Yeah, Don Barris, that's another thing about the Comedy Store that's amazing.

02:23:42.000 It's the late night sets by Brody, Brian Holtzman, and Don Barris.

02:23:45.000 Those are staples.

02:23:46.000 Those are staples if you live in Hollywood.

02:23:47.000 Don Barris got mad at me one night.

02:23:49.000 For what?

02:23:49.000 I forgot what happened.

02:23:50.000 He brought me on stage on his late show.

02:23:54.000 Ding dong show. 0.63

02:23:55.000 Was it a ding dong show or was it a regular show?

02:23:58.000 It was just a regular show.

02:23:59.000 He was just the last one.

02:24:00.000 Okay.

02:24:00.000 And he brought you on stage?

02:24:01.000 He brought me on stage.

02:24:03.000 Because you were after the show?

02:24:04.000 Is that what it was?

02:24:05.000 No, no, no.

02:24:06.000 I was just hanging out.

02:24:07.000 Okay.

02:24:07.000 And there were like four people there.

02:24:10.000 Right.

02:24:10.000 You know what I mean?

02:24:11.000 And he brought me on stage and was like, what do you do?

02:24:13.000 I was like, I'm a comedian.

02:24:14.000 You know, like that's how I met Don Barris is he brought me on stage.

02:24:19.000 And how did he get mad at you?

02:24:20.000 I don't remember what happened, but like, I don't know.

02:24:24.000 People were like, people were like scared for me.

02:24:28.000 People were scared for you?

02:24:29.000 Well, I guarantee you he was playing.

02:24:30.000 Yeah, he was doing Don Barris.

02:24:31.000 He does Don Barris, like he pretends to be really angry.

02:24:33.000 Right, that's what he does, yeah.

02:24:34.000 He starts screaming and yelling at you.

02:24:36.000 He's not mad at all.

02:24:37.000 I know, and I said, no, he's just kidding, you know?

02:24:39.000 And they're like, no, that was too crazy.

02:24:43.000 Who are the people that said it was too crazy?

02:24:44.000 I don't remember.

02:24:45.000 Stop hanging out with them.

02:24:46.000 It was like five years ago.

02:24:48.000 Yeah, you need new friends. 1.00

02:24:49.000 They're idiots. 1.00

02:24:50.000 They might have been audience members, you know? 1.00

02:24:52.000 They always fall for it.

02:24:54.000 If you don't know, people used to think that Brody was serious.

02:24:57.000 People have never met Brody before.

02:24:59.000 I have a bunch of friends that saw Brody for the first time and went like, oh my god, this guy's terrible.

02:25:04.000 And then they see him five times and they go, oh, I get it.

02:25:07.000 He's my favorite comedian now.

02:25:09.000 Learning curve.

02:25:09.000 That's exactly when I first met him was at the Man Show when I went to go see Man Show with you.

02:25:15.000 And I was in the audience for like two episodes with horse flesh.

02:25:18.000 And he would scream at the audience.

02:25:21.000 You know, he was the audience warm-up guy.

02:25:22.000 But if you didn't know who he was, and at the time, I was just like, this guy's making us clap.

02:25:27.000 He's yelling at us.

02:25:28.000 We thought, like, I thought he was Hitler.

02:25:30.000 Like, I mean, and I remember coming up to him when I eventually met him later at the comedy store with you.

02:25:35.000 I remember going, Jesus Christ, man, I hated you.

02:25:40.000 I gave respect!

02:25:42.000 I think that's nice when people come up to you and say, I hated you.

02:25:45.000 You like that?

02:25:46.000 Yeah, because then that means you like them now.

02:25:49.000 You won them over.

02:25:50.000 You know?

02:25:50.000 But it's cool when people can admit that.

02:25:53.000 Do people say that to you?

02:25:54.000 Yeah.

02:25:54.000 They hated you?

02:25:55.000 Is it guys, usually?

02:25:57.000 No.

02:25:58.000 It can be guys, yeah. 1.00

02:26:00.000 Guys will say shit like that girls just to knock them down a peg. 1.00

02:26:02.000 I actually hated you. 1.00

02:26:04.000 I didn't even think you were hot. 0.99

02:26:05.000 Right, when I first met you, I hated you.

02:26:07.000 Or because I picked on somebody in the audience.

02:26:11.000 That's why they hated you?

02:26:12.000 They'll hate me.

02:26:14.000 Yeah, but why would you pick on someone?

02:26:16.000 If you were picking on someone, I couldn't imagine being vicious.

02:26:18.000 You're not a vicious person.

02:26:21.000 So you think.

02:26:22.000 Are you?

02:26:22.000 She's very vicious.

02:26:23.000 Are you?

02:26:24.000 I can be vicious on stage into the microphone, yeah.

02:26:27.000 I'm not going to throw punches.

02:26:28.000 Because it's dog-eat-dog, because you've got to do what you've got to do?

02:26:31.000 Is that what it is?

02:26:31.000 No, because it's just easy to make fun of guys who are alone at a comedy club when everybody else is in a couple, in a relationship.

02:26:40.000 How ironic that you make fun of those guys, because those are the ones that would rape you and kill you. 1.00

02:26:44.000 It's weird. 0.99

02:26:45.000 It's weird that you make them your enemy.

02:26:48.000 No, I make fun of the husbands and the boyfriends, too.

02:26:52.000 Ah, that's a good move.

02:26:53.000 But sometimes the ones who are by themselves will get creepy mad at me afterwards.

02:26:58.000 I'm sure.

02:26:59.000 I'm sure.

02:26:59.000 I should stop picking on them.

02:27:01.000 Yeah.

02:27:02.000 Dudes are creepy.

02:27:03.000 They're dangerous.

02:27:04.000 Yeah.

02:27:04.000 Picking on dudes is dangerous.

02:27:06.000 Well, picking on like happily married or boyfriend dudes, you know, is safer.

02:27:11.000 Safer.

02:27:12.000 I'm gonna write this down.

02:27:13.000 Yeah, write it down.

02:27:14.000 J.R.E. Lesson 101. Loners. 0.94

02:27:18.000 Don't pick on the loner single dude.

02:27:22.000 The quiet loner at the comedy club with his hands inside of his Clint Eastwood, those big jackets from the outlaw Josie Wales.

02:27:31.000 What are those things called?

02:27:32.000 Trenchcoats?

02:27:32.000 Trenchcoats.

02:27:33.000 Have you made any music videos lately?

02:27:35.000 She has so many hilarious music videos.

02:27:37.000 She's a very talented musician.

02:27:39.000 One of my favorite songs that she does is called I Bought a Dildo on Amazon and stuff like that.

02:27:44.000 Well, let's close with that because we've got to get out of here.

02:27:46.000 High quality videos.

02:27:48.000 Can we close with that?

02:27:49.000 I'm making videos right now, so I'm recording songs.

02:27:53.000 It's so good.

02:27:53.000 A new one will come out soon.

02:27:55.000 So can we play that? 0.58

02:27:57.000 I bought a dildo on Amazon. 0.76

02:27:58.000 Bought a dildo on Amazon? 0.98

02:27:59.000 It's so great. 0.95

02:28:00.000 I prefer...

02:28:01.000 Okay, alright.

02:28:01.000 What do you prefer?

02:28:02.000 What do you prefer?

02:28:03.000 I like, um, can you feel my menstrual pain?

02:28:06.000 Okay, let's play that one.

02:28:08.000 Can you feel my menstrual pain?

02:28:11.000 Esther Koo, thank you very much for being here. 0.99

02:28:13.000 Or bought a dildo. 0.96

02:28:14.000 You guys can contact her on Twitter and harass her. 1.00

02:28:18.000 And Twitter allows you to send pictures of your dick. 1.00

02:28:20.000 So far. 1.00

02:28:21.000 Thanks.

02:28:21.000 Feel free.

02:28:22.000 Thanks.

02:28:22.000 For now.

02:28:23.000 They're about to change that.

02:28:24.000 Do they? 0.95

02:28:25.000 You know, I've never gotten a dick pic on Twitter. 0.99

02:28:27.000 Oh, prepare yourself for a tsunami of veiny man meat. 0.99

02:28:31.000 Because it's on your way.

02:28:33.000 Guarantee you. 0.99

02:28:34.000 I'd rather have a picture of their butt. 1.00

02:28:36.000 Your butthole? 1.00

02:28:36.000 Well, you're gonna get that too. 1.00

02:28:37.000 I'm into butts more than penises. 1.00

02:28:39.000 You're into buttholes or butts? 1.00

02:28:41.000 No, butts. 1.00

02:28:41.000 Butts are just cuter than penises. 1.00

02:28:44.000 You're not a penis fan? 1.00

02:28:46.000 Well, I am, but not looking at it, you know? 1.00

02:28:49.000 So you just like, you don't like the butthole, you like the butt, like the buttocks. 0.99

02:28:53.000 I like the butt. 1.00

02:28:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:53.000 Like a thick, rump. 1.00

02:28:55.000 No ingrown hairs.

02:28:57.000 Something big. 0.53

02:28:58.000 Round butt. 0.84

02:28:59.000 Something thick, something that delivers the bacon, right? 0.95

02:29:03.000 Ester Coop.

02:29:04.000 Alright, you can see her if you want to watch repeats of Girl Code, but they didn't pay her, so she kept moving. 1.00

02:29:11.000 Can you see, can you feel my menstrual pain? 0.98

02:29:13.000 You can listen to this and watch this on YouTube, and you can catch Esther all around the fucking world doing stand-up, because she's a gangster like that, right? 0.98

02:29:22.000 Yeah, Pompton Plains, New Jersey. 0.98

02:29:24.000 That's what's up!

02:29:25.000 August 8th!

02:29:26.000 That's what's up!

02:29:27.000 Do you have a website?

02:29:28.000 I do, funnycoo.com.

02:29:30.000 Funnycoo KU. August 15th, Hard Rock Cafe in Atlanta.

02:29:34.000 Powerful Hard Rock in Atlanta.

02:29:35.000 And all that linked up directly to your Twitter page. 0.94

02:29:40.000 So if you go to Twitter page, your actual, all your shit, your stats and everything in there, right? 0.95

02:29:45.000 Isn't it? 0.98

02:29:45.000 Yes. 0.98

02:29:46.000 Yes, it is.

02:29:46.000 I remember it.

02:29:47.000 Alright, Brian Redband, don't you have a gig soon?

02:29:50.000 Tomorrow.

02:29:50.000 Hold on.

02:29:51.000 Tomorrow, San Jose with Dean Del Rey, Christian Spice.

02:29:54.000 We're at the San Jose Improv.

02:29:56.000 And then my birthday show, August 5th, me, you, and a bunch of friends.

02:30:00.000 Yeah, August 5th, we will be celebrating Brian Redband's birthday. 0.98

02:30:04.000 I am going to get a fucking limousine because I ain't driving. 0.99

02:30:08.000 We're getting fucked up, dude. 1.00

02:30:10.000 We're going to get you hammered. 1.00

02:30:13.000 Nice. 0.91

02:30:13.000 We're going down hard. 0.91

02:30:15.000 Brian, sweetie, is turning 48 years old.

02:30:18.000 48?

02:30:19.000 What?

02:30:19.000 That's what I am almost.

02:30:20.000 I'll be 48 in August.

02:30:22.000 No way.

02:30:22.000 Yeah, I'm almost 48. Dude, I remember when you turned 40. I know.

02:30:25.000 48?

02:30:26.000 Time waits for no man. 0.99

02:30:28.000 Yeah, I'm gonna be 48. I was thinking 43. It's dark.

02:30:31.000 No, dude, 48. Damn. 1.00

02:30:32.000 I was born in 1967. I was born August 11th, 1967. That's crazy. 0.99

02:30:37.000 So this August 11th, I'll be 48 years old.

02:30:40.000 Dude, you're almost 50. Dude, I'm closing on 50. Yeah.

02:30:43.000 Dude, Tom Cruise is 50 fucking one. 1.00

02:30:45.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

02:30:46.000 It's crazy. 0.99

02:30:47.000 It's just, it's happening.

02:30:48.000 But you're doing great.

02:30:49.000 Thank you very much, Esther.

02:30:51.000 I feel so good now.

02:30:53.000 Dudes don't get, I don't get depressed about my age. 0.85

02:30:56.000 It's like, I get depressed if body parts aren't working correctly, you know, like injuries and stuff like that, but that's just for me being a retard.

02:31:03.000 Or it takes longer to recover from an injury?

02:31:05.000 I fix all that, though. 0.99

02:31:06.000 I go to doctors, get injections and all kinds of shit. 0.98

02:31:09.000 Do you get steroid injections when something breaks? 0.99

02:31:11.000 Well, steroid injections don't really fix things.

02:31:14.000 Steroids can fix things. 0.79

02:31:16.000 I've gotten steroid injections.

02:31:17.000 Cortisone, mostly.

02:31:18.000 Yeah.

02:31:18.000 That's a little bit different.

02:31:20.000 What it really does, what a cortisone shot does, is really just numbs the pain.

02:31:24.000 It actually can become more problematic for people that have injuries because you get a cortisone shot in your knee.

02:31:30.000 Or in, you know, your joints or something like that.

02:31:33.000 And then while you're working out, you're not feeling any pain, but you're still doing injury.

02:31:37.000 You're still grinding on that injury. 0.98

02:31:39.000 Like Bas Rutten, he's all fucked up because he got cortisone shots in his knees and cortisone shots in his elbows. 0.97

02:31:45.000 And he kept fighting, you know, like he had all this pain. 0.98

02:31:48.000 And so we just get cortisone shots and now his joints are destroyed.

02:31:52.000 He just was too tough for his own body.

02:31:55.000 But I got a stem cell injection.

02:31:57.000 I was worried that I was going to have to get shoulder surgery.

02:32:01.000 Whose stem cells was it?

02:32:02.000 From a woman's placenta. 0.91

02:32:03.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:32:05.000 Total new next level shit. 1.00

02:32:07.000 Do you guys know that there's a company that collects women's stem cells from their menstrual blood and stores it? 1.00

02:32:13.000 Planned Parenthood supposedly sells the aborted stem cells and makes money off of that, but that might be abortion talk.

02:32:19.000 No, I'm pretty sure that's not. 0.95

02:32:22.000 It seems like it should be bullshit, but I'm pretty sure there's a real investigation into that. 0.66

02:32:26.000 Look, it could happen because the cells are viable. 0.99

02:32:30.000 And the idea of not using them, to me, is more fucked up than using them. 0.98

02:32:34.000 I mean, if you're going to abort a fetus, shouldn't you at least use those cells? 0.98

02:32:38.000 Recycle it.

02:32:39.000 Use every part.

02:32:39.000 But people are worried that people are going to have abortions on purpose to make money for the stem cells.

02:32:43.000 No.

02:32:44.000 But anyway, what they do is when a woman has a c-section, they take the placenta from the c-section and they use it to... 1.00

02:32:51.000 they harvest the stem cells from this.

02:32:53.000 They freeze it and then they thaw it out and inject it into your injury.

02:32:56.000 And I had a shoulder that was fucking with me for like a year, like a solid year. 0.73

02:33:01.000 I'd work out, it would get swollen, I'd ice it, it would get better, but it never totally got better. 0.83

02:33:05.000 And I could do most things, but it was always in pain.

02:33:08.000 I got this stem cell injection two and a half weeks ago because I was worried that I was going to have to get surgery.

02:33:13.000 I had one doctor that said to get surgery.

02:33:14.000 He's like, you're probably going to need surgery.

02:33:16.000 And then another doctor said, I went to an actual orthopedic surgeon.

02:33:19.000 He was like, no, you have too much function.

02:33:21.000 It moves it too much.

02:33:22.000 Let's just try to rehab it and see if those tears, if they'll heal up.

02:33:26.000 I got this stem cell shot within two and a half weeks.

02:33:29.000 It feels like there's nothing wrong on my shoulder. 0.99

02:33:30.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

02:33:32.000 Wow. 1.00

02:33:32.000 It's crazy. 1.00

02:33:33.000 Because it's supposed to last, like, it's supposed to be like six to eight weeks to when you feel the real impact.

02:33:38.000 Then I talked to Daniel Cormier.

02:33:39.000 Daniel Cormier, the UFC light heavyweight champ. 0.81

02:33:41.000 He had a knee injury, and his knee was fucked up, and he was thinking about getting surgery.

02:33:45.000 And he was putting it off. 0.92

02:33:46.000 And I talked to him a year ago about this.

02:33:48.000 He's like, I don't know.

02:33:49.000 You know, eventually I'm going to get surgery, I think, but I'm trying to put it off.

02:33:52.000 He got the stem cells.

02:33:53.000 Bam! 0.98

02:33:54.000 All of a sudden, he's like, it's amazing.

02:33:56.000 He's like, right away, it felt better.

02:33:57.000 Yeah.

02:33:57.000 Did you send her a thank you card?

02:33:59.000 I don't know who it was.

02:34:00.000 Did I give her a hug?

02:34:01.000 They don't tell you.

02:34:02.000 Oh, no.

02:34:03.000 No, they definitely don't tell you because that woman's stem cells probably went to untold numbers of people because it's a small amount. 1.00

02:34:09.000 The amount that they had in this little syringe when they injected into you.

02:34:14.000 But you're kind of connected to her.

02:34:16.000 In some way.

02:34:16.000 It's weird.

02:34:17.000 Starting your period in your neck.

02:34:19.000 Well, I have some other stuff. 0.58

02:34:20.000 I have a cadaver joint.

02:34:22.000 My left knee has a cadaver.

02:34:25.000 No, my right knee.

02:34:25.000 My right knee has a cadaver ACL. It's actually a cadaver's Achilles tendon.

02:34:32.000 Because Achilles tendon is much fatter than a human ACL. And so they take this Achilles tendon, they open you up, they put it in place, screw it down, and then your body repopulates this cadaver, this dead person's Achilles tendon.

02:34:46.000 So it's much thicker than a regular ACL. So my ACL on my right knee is like 150% stronger than a regular ACL because it was an ACL from an Achilles tendon.

02:34:57.000 Wow.

02:34:57.000 Do you have two new inner voices that are new?

02:35:01.000 I think that might be my problem.

02:35:02.000 I think I have too much of dead people parts and baby parts.

02:35:06.000 You have a girl's voice and a guy's voice. 0.71

02:35:08.000 What if you start growing baby teeth on your shoulder? 1.00

02:35:11.000 I don't pull them out with a fucking pair of pliers. 1.00

02:35:13.000 I'm a man. 0.99

02:35:15.000 Look, as long as it fixes my shoulder.

02:35:17.000 His shoulder starts crying. 0.96

02:35:18.000 If my shoulder does not get any better and stays right here and doesn't get any worse, I'm fucking super happy. 0.52

02:35:23.000 Because there's no pain right now. 0.61

02:35:25.000 I mean, I'm not feeling any pain.

02:35:27.000 And I'm still doing all these rehab exercises, so it's all strong.

02:35:30.000 I can do things with it.

02:35:32.000 I might be able to avoid surgery.

02:35:33.000 I think there's just some tears in there, but I'm pretty sure they're healing up.

02:35:36.000 Something's going on in there.

02:35:38.000 That's great. 0.98

02:35:38.000 This is some new next level shit happening with those lenses that can make you see way better than 2020. Stem cell injections when you have injuries. 0.98

02:35:46.000 I've never had anything heal up this quick.

02:35:48.000 It's crazy.

02:35:49.000 It's kind of spooky. 0.98

02:35:50.000 Because this thing was fucking with me for a long time, man. 0.98

02:35:52.000 You know what? 0.99

02:35:53.000 When women have their periods, we lose all our stem cells from the uterus lining. 1.00

02:35:57.000 They should collect it and store it and use it for when you need a stem cell for your next shoulder.

02:36:03.000 I think they're doing it.

02:36:04.000 I think they're doing that.

02:36:05.000 No, this company went bankrupt.

02:36:07.000 We're not bankrupt, but they said enough people didn't get it, so they're not collecting menstrual blood anymore.

02:36:12.000 Well, you know, they do them from your own fat.

02:36:14.000 So here's a win-win.

02:36:15.000 They take the fat out of your love handles.

02:36:18.000 They lipo you.

02:36:18.000 Oh, that's a good idea.

02:36:20.000 You don't need any lipo hooker. 1.00

02:36:21.000 What are you talking about? 0.98

02:36:22.000 I do.

02:36:23.000 Do they have good money?

02:36:26.000 Or is it just an even trade?

02:36:27.000 No, you pay for it. 0.95

02:36:29.000 They don't pay you for your fat. 0.98

02:36:32.000 Why?

02:36:32.000 They can sell it to other people.

02:36:33.000 They don't take that much either, dude.

02:36:34.000 I have a lot, though.

02:36:35.000 Yeah, but they don't take enough.

02:36:37.000 Like, you gotta eat vegetables and go running up hills and stop smoking cigarettes.

02:36:40.000 You gotta stop what you're doing.

02:36:42.000 I can't believe you're back smoking cigarettes again.

02:36:44.000 I'm back to smoking cigarettes.

02:36:45.000 You smoke three cigarettes a day, right?

02:36:47.000 Three cigarettes compared to two packs a day.

02:36:49.000 It's still smoking cigarettes.

02:36:50.000 You've got to stop.

02:36:51.000 Dude, I swear to God.

02:36:52.000 You know, I talked to that writer that was in here.

02:36:54.000 This is one of my biggest fears.

02:36:55.000 I worry about you getting sick.

02:36:57.000 I really do, because you're always smoking.

02:36:59.000 You were, at least for a long time.

02:37:01.000 I worry about it. 0.99

02:37:01.000 That's one that gets you, and once it gets you, you're like, fuck, I could have avoided this. 0.99

02:37:07.000 It's so scary to be close to someone and care about them, like I care about you, and then see you smoking and know that that's eventually going to get you. 0.99

02:37:14.000 Can you just bite your nails?

02:37:15.000 No, I think they need to make no smoking at the comedy store.

02:37:19.000 That's not going to ever happen.

02:37:21.000 That's never going to happen.

02:37:22.000 We just need to go to vapor cigarettes.

02:37:24.000 Just go to vapor cigarettes and just tell yourself you can't smoke cigarettes.

02:37:29.000 I need to get a new vapor.

02:37:30.000 Dude, you got free for a while.

02:37:31.000 How long did you get free for?

02:37:32.000 A couple months?

02:37:33.000 Like, yeah, a month, month and a half, something like that.

02:37:36.000 You can do it, dude.

02:37:37.000 You can do it.

02:37:38.000 Oh, I know I can do it.

02:37:40.000 You just have to want to do it.

02:37:41.000 Yeah.

02:37:43.000 Just say when you're going to stop smoking cigarettes.

02:37:45.000 Give yourself a couple weeks.

02:37:46.000 You just started smoking, right?

02:37:48.000 Not cigarettes.

02:37:50.000 Weed?

02:37:50.000 You smoke weed, Esther?

02:37:52.000 Yeah.

02:37:53.000 Wait a minute.

02:37:55.000 Wait a minute, you smoke pot?

02:37:57.000 That's how she makes this great music. 0.98

02:37:59.000 We smoked pot with her right before the show, Brian.

02:38:02.000 Do you think I forgot?

02:38:03.000 How dare you.

02:38:04.000 Alright, Esther, thank you so much for being on the show.

02:38:06.000 Thank you.

02:38:06.000 It was a lot of fun.

02:38:07.000 It was always cool hanging with you at the store, so I'm glad we finally got a chance to do this.

02:38:10.000 You're a cool chick, Esther.

02:38:11.000 Thanks for having me.

02:38:12.000 Cool human being.

02:38:12.000 I shouldn't qualify that you're a woman.

02:38:14.000 You're just cool.

02:38:15.000 A cool gal. 0.93

02:38:16.000 We love ya.

02:38:17.000 And Brian, again, tomorrow night he'll be at the San Jose Improv, which is one of the coolest clubs in the country.

02:38:23.000 It's a fantastic club.

02:38:24.000 Used to be an old theater.

02:38:26.000 Really sweet, sweet setup in that spot.

02:38:28.000 With the great Dean Del Rey.

02:38:31.000 And if you're a Harley Davidson fan, there's an extra bonus.

02:38:33.000 There'll be Harley Davidsons on stage.

02:38:35.000 Yeah.

02:38:36.000 Wow, are you serious?

02:38:38.000 Dean's sponsored by Harley.

02:38:39.000 So he brings motorcycles on stage every show?

02:38:41.000 Oh yeah, they do.

02:38:42.000 They set the Harleys on stage with him.

02:38:44.000 He gets a free Harley.

02:38:45.000 He rides his own Harley that they gave him.

02:38:47.000 And then at the end of the year...

02:38:48.000 Because he used to work for Harley.

02:38:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:38:50.000 And they're sponsors of him now.

02:38:52.000 Maybe I could get sponsored by Penn's.

02:38:54.000 You could totally get sponsored by pens, but you could get something probably better.

02:38:58.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:38:58.000 Like tampons or some shit. 0.99

02:38:59.000 You should go for that. 0.99

02:39:00.000 What's your favorite thing in the world? 1.00

02:39:02.000 Besides dick. 1.00

02:39:05.000 Besides dick. 1.00

02:39:06.000 Jesus Christ, Joe. 1.00

02:39:08.000 You can't get sponsored by dick. 0.99

02:39:08.000 I'm just saying. 0.99

02:39:09.000 What's your favorite thing that you get sponsored by?

02:39:12.000 How about some kind of food?

02:39:14.000 I love donuts.

02:39:15.000 Donuts.

02:39:16.000 Perfect.

02:39:16.000 Krispy Kreme.

02:39:17.000 We need a Krispy Kreme sponsorship.

02:39:19.000 With you on stage, with a box of Krispy Kremes, and in the middle of your act, you start chewing donuts.

02:39:25.000 Something bigger?

02:39:26.000 A bigger company?

02:39:26.000 Yeah, because Dean has motorcycles.

02:39:29.000 Let's talk about it.

02:39:29.000 Maybe everybody in the audience gets his donut.

02:39:31.000 That's a lot of donuts.

02:39:32.000 That's a lot of money.

02:39:33.000 A lot of water wasted.

02:39:34.000 We're in a drought.

02:39:35.000 What about Samsung?

02:39:37.000 Oh, look at Brian holding it up.

02:39:39.000 How casual.

02:39:42.000 Alright, we're out of here.

02:39:43.000 Esther Kuh, we're going to play this, Can You Feel My Menstrual Pain?

02:39:46.000 Again, E-S-T-H-E-R-K-U on Twitter.

02:39:50.000 Thank you so much.

02:39:51.000 To everybody else, we'll be back next week, so thanks for tuning in.

02:39:54.000 Much love.

02:39:55.000 Big kiss.

02:39:55.000 Bye-bye.

02:40:06.000 Don't let boys go down on you But my boy likes kinky things That's how he got his red wings Oh yes Time and time again I wanna know Can you feel my menstrual pain? 1.00

02:40:37.000 Can you feel my menstrual pain?

02:40:42.000 Bleeding down my legs today.

02:40:48.000 When I get that PMS, I shove this face beneath my dress.

02:40:56.000 Oh yes!

02:40:58.000 Don't be scared of my rest.

02:41:08.000 Always eats me like a champ.

02:41:11.000 It's damp.

02:41:13.000 I'm retaining water.

02:41:19.000 I wanna know, can you feel my man strobing?

02:41:27.000 I wanna know, can you feel my man strobing?

02:41:36.000 We're good to go.

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 29, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #676 - Esther Ku

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript