The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #717 - Steve-O

00:00:00.000 Gentlemen, we're live!

00:00:03.000 Yeah, dude.

00:00:04.000 Steve-O, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:05.000 Brian Redband in the house.

00:00:08.000 Steve-O preparing himself for his long stretch in the pokey for mocking SeaWorld openly on top of a very dangerous sign.

00:00:19.000 Dude, there's a video of you. 1.00

00:00:20.000 You were streaming live while you fucked with the SeaWorld sign. 0.99

00:00:24.000 I had two different ones. 0.98

00:00:26.000 I had the highway sign where I changed it to say SeaWorld sucks, and then there's the one where I climbed up the 150-foot-tall crane. 0.97

00:00:34.000 Okay, I think both of them made me shit my pants. 0.89

00:00:38.000 One of them, we were watching it, Brian and I were watching it, and my toes were curling. 0.95

00:00:43.000 Oh, no, you were watching it live?

00:00:45.000 Lifting up.

00:00:46.000 Yeah, we were watching it at one point.

00:00:47.000 Weren't we watching it live?

00:00:48.000 No, it was when we were in SeaWorld, I mean, San Diego, and you were doing the sign one, and it was when you were climbing up the sign, and you kept on falling.

00:00:55.000 And I kept landing on my head, yeah.

00:00:57.000 Oh, dude, yeah.

00:00:58.000 How did you live?

00:00:59.000 I don't know, man.

00:01:00.000 That one made sense.

00:01:02.000 That was appropriate.

00:01:04.000 It was right there down in San Diego near SeaWorld. 0.97

00:01:07.000 The highway sign said SeaWorld Drive and I changed it to say SeaWorld sucks. 0.75

00:01:13.000 Like I said, it was appropriate. 1.00

00:01:14.000 My crane one was completely fucking idiotic. 1.00

00:01:18.000 It's like, okay, let me protest SeaWorld at some random construction site, nowhere fucking near SeaWorld. 1.00

00:01:25.000 You know, let me fucking bring an inflatable killer whale, like a toy whale, climb up a 150-foot crane. 0.99

00:01:31.000 When you're 150 feet up in the air, no one's going to be able to see your fucking toy whale, you know? 1.00

00:01:36.000 It's so dumb. 0.99

00:01:37.000 They'll be like, what's that dot? 0.99

00:01:38.000 Right, yeah.

00:01:39.000 See, it's Steve-O and a dot. 0.89

00:01:40.000 I know, but nobody could even tell.

00:01:42.000 So by the time I get up there, I got 80 firefighters, 18 cops, a helicopter, and a SWAT team.

00:01:49.000 The problem with that stuff is if something real was going down and they had put all the resources...

00:01:56.000 Oh, trust me, I get it.

00:01:58.000 That's why I'm going to jail.

00:02:01.000 How long are you going to jail for?

00:02:03.000 Well, I have a 30-day sentence, but I don't think I'll...

00:02:06.000 I think they automatically cut it in half and then maybe even get out even quicker.

00:02:11.000 How does that work?

00:02:12.000 I didn't necessarily have to go to jail at all. 1.00

00:02:15.000 I asked my lawyer to get me jail time specifically because my fucking crane stunt was so idiotic. 0.99

00:02:23.000 I was like, man, I gotta go to jail. 0.99

00:02:25.000 That would be the only one tiny little part of it that makes any sense at all.

00:02:31.000 Because if you're trying to make a statement about captivity, right?

00:02:35.000 Right.

00:02:36.000 Put yourself in captivity.

00:02:37.000 Right.

00:02:37.000 That's the whole deal.

00:02:38.000 So I asked for it.

00:02:40.000 So you asked for jail.

00:02:42.000 I did.

00:02:42.000 You could have gotten out of jail?

00:02:43.000 I'm sure I could have.

00:02:44.000 I could have done community service, whatever. 1.00

00:02:48.000 I was like, no, dude, because I'm a fucking attention whore. 0.99

00:02:51.000 So I'm like, dude, scrubbing graffiti is not a cool story. 0.99

00:02:55.000 Going to jail, that's a headline. 0.99

00:02:57.000 I'm going to get fucking... 0.99

00:03:01.000 You know, Steve was going to jail. 1.00

00:03:04.000 That's fucking, that's newsworthy. 1.00

00:03:06.000 That's so ridiculous. 1.00

00:03:09.000 Yeah, welcome to my world. 0.99

00:03:11.000 Did you see that?

00:03:13.000 Did you say that to the judge?

00:03:15.000 Well, no.

00:03:15.000 I never even had to go to court because they all worked it out.

00:03:20.000 So they kept postponing my arraignment.

00:03:23.000 And by the time the prosecutor and my lawyer finally worked out a deal, then when the arraignment was back on, they said, hey, we reached a deal.

00:03:34.000 And they closed it all down.

00:03:37.000 Have you been to jail before?

00:03:39.000 Sure.

00:03:39.000 Wow.

00:03:43.000 I've got the fucking most hilarious criminal record ever, dude. 0.99

00:03:46.000 What was the first time? 0.98

00:03:48.000 The first time, I was like 16 or 17, like going to high school in England and just got nailed with some weed.

00:03:57.000 You went to jail in another country.

00:03:59.000 Oh, I've been to jail in like five countries.

00:04:01.000 Really?

00:04:02.000 What's the scariest country?

00:04:03.000 Maybe not five, but I've been to Canada, England, America, Sweden, and I'm not counting Mexico because that was more of a catch and release.

00:04:13.000 Like they were fly fishing with no barb.

00:04:17.000 Right.

00:04:18.000 What happened in Mexico?

00:04:21.000 It was like I was blacking out on Special K, like Ketamine, and I was climbing on this roof and I kind of fell off of it.

00:04:33.000 They just grabbed me and detained me.

00:04:35.000 Oh, so it was not like that.

00:04:36.000 Yeah, I mean, I wasn't like, yeah, but it was pretty scary.

00:04:40.000 I mean, it was legit. 0.99

00:04:42.000 When you're in Mexico, like, that's fucked up. 1.00

00:04:45.000 You can vanish. 0.99

00:04:46.000 Yeah.

00:04:47.000 Yeah, like a lot of people vanish.

00:04:49.000 Right.

00:04:49.000 They can't find that El Chapo guy.

00:04:51.000 They're not going to find him.

00:04:52.000 No, apparently they were closing in on him, and he fell and broke his leg, and he was carried off by his guards.

00:04:59.000 Wow.

00:04:59.000 Yeah, apparently they're close.

00:05:01.000 They keep closing in on him.

00:05:02.000 Right, but that's a good disappear.

00:05:05.000 For that guy, he's psyched to disappear.

00:05:07.000 Most people disappear in Mexico are totally not psyched.

00:05:11.000 That's a very good point.

00:05:12.000 Yeah, people vanish in Mexico, like those students, like the 43 students that were murdered. 1.00

00:05:17.000 It's just scary shit. 1.00

00:05:19.000 Right. 1.00

00:05:19.000 So when you were in Mexico, would you sober up in jail? 1.00

00:05:23.000 Did you realize what had happened?

00:05:25.000 No, like...

00:05:27.000 I don't know.

00:05:29.000 I guess it all just kind of worked out.

00:05:32.000 It wasn't a big deal.

00:05:34.000 They let me go.

00:05:37.000 They just kicked you out. 0.98

00:05:39.000 In Sweden, I was properly in jail for fucking five days for international drug smuggling. 0.95

00:05:47.000 What did you bring in? 0.98

00:05:48.000 What I did, I was videotaping it.

00:05:52.000 I was in Norway and I put a bunch of weed into a condom and I tied it in a knot.

00:05:56.000 And swallowed it.

00:05:58.000 Choked on it.

00:05:59.000 I was like piquing up blood trying to get it out.

00:06:01.000 Oh my god.

00:06:02.000 Yeah, it's all on video.

00:06:04.000 Jesus Christ, dude.

00:06:05.000 So then I flew from Norway to Sweden so that it would, you know...

00:06:09.000 You put it on video?

00:06:10.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, totally.

00:06:11.000 And then you put it on the internet?

00:06:13.000 Well, yeah, I mean, later, you know.

00:06:14.000 Later.

00:06:15.000 So how'd they catch you?

00:06:16.000 I swallowed it in Norway and got in an airplane to Sweden, so that way I'm crossing international lines, you know, to qualify as an international drug smuggler.

00:06:25.000 Then when I got to Sweden, you know, I was promoting my tour.

00:06:30.000 Every interview, they'd say, like, oh, yeah, how you doing?

00:06:33.000 And I said, oh, man, I think I might die of intestinal strangulation because I swallowed...

00:06:37.000 This big package of drugs and it won't come out, you know?

00:06:40.000 Because it took days.

00:06:41.000 It didn't come out for like six and a half days.

00:06:43.000 So every reporter wrote their article or whatever it was, and the cops read the newspaper. 0.96

00:06:50.000 And so then they arrested me after I shit it out.

00:06:57.000 And they took me to the jail, and they brought me from the jail to the hospital, put me in this CAT scan machine, which revealed, they said, a foreign object in my body.

00:07:09.000 I still don't know what that was.

00:07:11.000 And they kept me in a cell for five days, shitting into plastic bags. 1.00

00:07:17.000 They're fucking digging through my shit, you know? 1.00

00:07:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:07:21.000 And then after five days in there, they brought me back to the hospital for another scan.

00:07:27.000 And it showed that the foreign object had only moved like three centimeters in my body. 0.99

00:07:33.000 And so they were like, oh, fuck it. 0.99

00:07:35.000 And they just had me pay a fine and go. 1.00

00:07:37.000 You don't even know what it is?

00:07:38.000 I don't know.

00:07:40.000 I don't know.

00:07:41.000 They said it was like...

00:07:44.000 Key?

00:07:44.000 I don't know.

00:07:45.000 They said it was sharp and I don't know.

00:07:48.000 It was sharp?

00:07:49.000 Yeah.

00:07:49.000 I really don't know what it was.

00:07:51.000 Maybe they're even bullshitting.

00:07:52.000 And it might be still in there?

00:07:53.000 It's been over 10 years.

00:07:55.000 Did you ever get yourself looked at again?

00:07:57.000 No.

00:07:57.000 I want an update.

00:07:58.000 Where's my friend?

00:07:59.000 Where is he?

00:08:00.000 I didn't even really care that much.

00:08:03.000 But yeah, Sweden, that was wild, man. 0.98

00:08:05.000 And again, I was super psyched because I knew I was on that little scrolling fucking thing on CNN at the bottom. 0.98

00:08:12.000 So you were psyched for that? 0.97

00:08:13.000 Well, yeah, I mean, I thought I might... 0.99

00:08:15.000 Because, okay, now, when they brought me to the station initially, like, they put my backpack on the table, and they reached into it, and, like, the first pocket they reached into, the first thing they pulled out, was a fucking ecstasy pill. 0.99

00:08:28.000 Like, with a fucking... 0.98

00:08:29.000 Like, it had a print, like, an imprint of a smiley face on it, you know? 1.00

00:08:33.000 Oh, God.

00:08:34.000 And I didn't even remember it being in there. 0.99

00:08:36.000 I'm like, fuck, I didn't know that was in there. 0.98

00:08:38.000 And then I thought, man, maybe I'll be in Sweden for a while. 0.99

00:08:41.000 But it turns out that ecstasy wasn't even like that, you know, they weren't even that bent out of shape over ecstasy.

00:08:47.000 They're more pissed about weed over there.

00:08:49.000 Really?

00:08:49.000 Yeah, I don't know why.

00:08:51.000 Just like one of those weird country things?

00:08:53.000 Well, because weed, like, they think it makes you lazy, I think, and they're not cool.

00:08:57.000 That's how it is in Asia.

00:08:59.000 What?

00:09:00.000 I think. 0.98

00:09:01.000 That makes you lazy, and we're not fucking lazy people, and so they want to really punish you for that. 0.98

00:09:09.000 That really frustrates me. 0.99

00:09:10.000 That stereotype with weed making you lazy.

00:09:13.000 That drives me crazy. 0.90

00:09:14.000 That is the one that drives me the most nuts. 1.00

00:09:16.000 You're lazy, you're lazy. 1.00

00:09:18.000 Weed does not make you fucking lazy. 1.00

00:09:21.000 It just doesn't. 0.98

00:09:22.000 I'm not lazy.

00:09:23.000 It drives me nuts!

00:09:25.000 I was never lazy, man, when I was loaded.

00:09:27.000 No!

00:09:27.000 My longest time in jail...

00:09:29.000 Well, you know, I was in L.A. County jail for five days one time.

00:09:34.000 I got arrested for felony obscenity and principled a second-degree battery in Louisiana.

00:09:43.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:09:44.000 Yeah, because it was like I was doing my old show.

00:09:46.000 What does that mean, principled to?

00:09:47.000 It means that I arranged, like, an assault.

00:09:55.000 Well, what happened was, I was doing my old show, and part of it was I was chugging out of a tequila bottle throughout the whole thing, and I had the tequila bottle at the edge of the stage, and some kid climbed on the stage and grabbed the bottle, 0.98

00:10:14.000 and I see these bouncers come over and just neutralize it, and I'm like, damn, these guys are good. 0.99

00:10:19.000 These fucking bouncers are pro. 0.99

00:10:21.000 So I said, who wants to get on this stage and try to run from one side of the stage to the other past the bouncers? 1.00

00:10:31.000 It's British Bulldog. 0.99

00:10:32.000 We'll play British Bulldog and these guys are going to fuck you up. 0.99

00:10:38.000 So this one kid who was this bony, little skinny, little 19-year-old kid was jumping up and down, pointing at himself. 1.00

00:10:47.000 He wanted it so bad.

00:10:50.000 And I had to pick him.

00:10:52.000 So I picked this kid, and he ran...

00:10:55.000 He just ran.

00:10:56.000 I'm videoing it myself.

00:10:58.000 I said, one, two, three, go.

00:11:01.000 The kid runs halfway across the stage and they just grabbed him.

00:11:05.000 It was totally anticlimactic.

00:11:07.000 And these three college football player bouncers, they just lifted him up in unison over their heads and just spiked the kid on his head on the stage. 1.00

00:11:18.000 And he was twitching.

00:11:20.000 I don't think the police report said he was bleeding out of an ear or something. 0.99

00:11:25.000 And it was really fucked up. 0.97

00:11:28.000 Why did they do that when they knew that he was going to run across? 0.99

00:11:31.000 I don't know.

00:11:32.000 I never said slam him on his head. 1.00

00:11:34.000 I'd said maybe fuck him up. 1.00

00:11:38.000 In my mind, I'm thinking, oh dude, this is such a lawsuit. 0.99

00:11:43.000 This is bad.

00:11:44.000 That's so funny.

00:11:45.000 You're not thinking, oh my god, this poor kid's dying.

00:11:48.000 You're thinking, illegal fees!

00:11:51.000 Right, that too.

00:11:52.000 But like, whatever it was, it was just all bad.

00:11:55.000 You know, it was all bad.

00:11:56.000 In my head, like, the mantra, the show must go on, like, pretend it's not bad, and just continue. 0.99

00:12:02.000 So I'm like, I was like, what the fuck, on the video. 0.99

00:12:05.000 And somebody in the crowd had a home video camera rolling on. 0.99

00:12:10.000 And this was like, what was it, 2002?

00:12:14.000 This is before they had cameras on cell phones. 0.99

00:12:17.000 Someone's got a fucking VHS home video camera. 0.98

00:12:20.000 And on the tape, which they turned over, they were like, that's a crime. 0.99

00:12:24.000 So they turned it over to the cops.

00:12:26.000 Or they just gave it to the newspaper, and the newspaper gave it to the cops.

00:12:30.000 On the thing, I'm like, that kid's being loaded into an ambulance! 0.99

00:12:34.000 Fucking, who wants to play another round of British Bulldog? 0.99

00:12:37.000 Oh no! 1.00

00:12:39.000 I know, it was bad.

00:12:40.000 Did anybody sign up for round two?

00:12:42.000 I can't remember.

00:12:43.000 I can't remember if we did or not, but...

00:12:48.000 That doesn't seem like assault though, honestly.

00:12:50.000 Well, it was principle to second degree battery.

00:12:54.000 I think I have it right.

00:12:57.000 That was a crime, but the people that watched this video, they really were upset with Stevo.

00:13:05.000 And so there was another point in the video where I used an industrial staple gun to staple my ball sack to my leg. 0.99

00:13:12.000 Oh, you know, normal shit. 0.99

00:13:14.000 Right. 0.99

00:13:15.000 And I'm covered in blood, too, because part of the other part of the show, I would break a light bulb over my head and pick up a piece of broken glass and literally slash my tongue.

00:13:26.000 Because the tongue bleeds so much and it heals really fast, so I just bleed all over myself and smear blood everywhere. 0.98

00:13:33.000 And so I'm covered in blood, and I've got my dick and balls just blatantly out, and I'm holding the industrial staple gun, getting ready to staple my ball sack to my leg. 0.98

00:13:42.000 And I say, this is not art. 0.99

00:13:45.000 This is just to be offensive. 0.99

00:13:50.000 Staple my balls to my leg. 0.97

00:13:52.000 And so, being that it was Louisiana in one of these parishes, they deemed that Felony obscenity. 0.99

00:13:59.000 Which was a saving grace, man, because the story on that one was like Steve-O got arrested for stapling his balls to his leg, you know?

00:14:07.000 The thing with the kid didn't really play that much in the media, you know?

00:14:12.000 He did sue me, yeah, for brain damage.

00:14:16.000 I don't think he even had brain damage.

00:14:19.000 I'll tell you right now, he had brain damage.

00:14:21.000 100%.

00:14:22.000 Well, you get spiked on your head, some cells die.

00:14:24.000 I mean, maybe.

00:14:26.000 Oh, 100%.

00:14:27.000 Right.

00:14:28.000 100%.

00:14:28.000 But yeah, I got properly sued.

00:14:32.000 So did you lose or did you go to court?

00:14:35.000 Well, I mean, it was then settled.

00:14:37.000 You settled?

00:14:37.000 We settled it, yeah.

00:14:38.000 Can you say how much?

00:14:40.000 He got 50 grand.

00:14:42.000 That's not that good.

00:14:44.000 But, you know...

00:14:47.000 I think that that's what it was.

00:14:50.000 Did you talk to the bouncers?

00:14:51.000 Maybe 50 grand was my legal fees.

00:14:53.000 I can't remember.

00:14:53.000 Did you talk to the bouncers and go, why did you spike him on his head?

00:14:56.000 Why didn't you just grab him?

00:14:57.000 They could have just grabbed him.

00:14:58.000 I know.

00:15:00.000 Grabbing him would have been funny.

00:15:02.000 Right.

00:15:02.000 Just grab and take him out of there.

00:15:03.000 Help! 0.98

00:15:04.000 You know, hold him over their head.

00:15:05.000 Throw him into the audience like a stage dive or something.

00:15:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:09.000 They really, really, it was upsetting.

00:15:11.000 They shouldn't have done that.

00:15:12.000 See, the problem is, you give people a green light like that. 0.99

00:15:15.000 You've seen some shit the bouncers have done to people. 0.97

00:15:18.000 When people climb onto that stage, there's a green light. 0.99

00:15:21.000 I mean, it's sort of like the cop thing.

00:15:24.000 Did you see that recent video of the cop grabbing the schoolgirl? 0.97

00:15:29.000 She's in her desk, she won't get out of her desk, and he just fucking ragdolls her and slams her in the desk on the ground. 1.00

00:15:36.000 It's when cops have the green light, when they can do whatever they want to do, then you're leaving it up to the discretion of this guy that's probably not thinking that straight, a little stressed out. 0.97

00:15:45.000 Yeah, I got beat up by a few bouncers.

00:15:47.000 One guy grabbed me, took me out back, and just like pushed me against the wall and just kept on slapping me in the face and wouldn't let me go.

00:15:54.000 And he like sat there for like 10, I was like 18, and he's just like wailing on my face. 0.99

00:15:58.000 Then he'll be like, you gonna do that again, motherfucker, and then just like punch me in. 1.00

00:16:01.000 I felt like I was captured. 1.00

00:16:03.000 Yeah, I was kidnapping.

00:16:04.000 Kind of kidnapping an assault, really.

00:16:06.000 Yeah, because I was outside of the club. 0.99

00:16:08.000 He was just ramming me against the wall and shit. 0.97

00:16:10.000 They're not supposed to do that. 0.99

00:16:11.000 Right.

00:16:12.000 But we left that club in Louisiana, and I knew I was going to hear about it again.

00:16:16.000 And sure enough, it took a couple weeks, but I was sleeping off a cocaine bender, and my roommate says, Hey man, you really got to get up for this.

00:16:27.000 And there's the LA Fugitive Division.

00:16:30.000 They had a...

00:16:32.000 A fugitive warrant out of Louisiana.

00:16:35.000 For you?

00:16:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:38.000 There are two charges.

00:16:41.000 The felony obscenity, and then the second-degree battery thing.

00:16:45.000 LA should just let that felony obscenity slide. 1.00

00:16:47.000 They should be like, you keep that yourself, you fucking goofy redneck douchebag. 0.99

00:16:51.000 Yeah, but you know, I loved that charge. 1.00

00:16:56.000 That's my favorite charge!

00:16:58.000 Right.

00:16:59.000 But the thing was that they gave me a $120,000 bail or warrant for the battery.

00:17:09.000 And then for the felony obscenity, they gave me a million.

00:17:13.000 So I showed up on the fugitive list in poll position number one with a $1.12 million bail.

00:17:23.000 Oh my god.

00:17:25.000 Pole position number one. 1.00

00:17:27.000 It's a fucking NASCAR race! 0.99

00:17:31.000 And so they brought me in and they're like, what'd you do? 1.00

00:17:35.000 And I'm like, I stapled my balls to my leg. 0.91

00:17:37.000 Nobody could understand it. 0.91

00:17:39.000 And I was in LA County Jail in the protective custody where I'll be starting on December 9th.

00:17:45.000 They're going to put you in protective custody?

00:17:46.000 Well, yeah.

00:17:47.000 I mean, I'm like a kind of high-profile dude.

00:17:50.000 You would be in protective custody, too.

00:17:54.000 At the time, it was 2002, I just got my back tattoo, but the movie wasn't out yet, so nobody knew about it.

00:18:00.000 And the cops were pretty psyched to have me in there, and they brought me into their office, whatever.

00:18:06.000 They're giving me boxes and boxes of cookies and taking pictures with my back tattoo.

00:18:11.000 I remember they were like, oh, dude, you'll be fine in here, man.

00:18:14.000 What is the back tattoo that they were taking pictures of?

00:18:16.000 My self-portrait.

00:18:18.000 Oh.

00:18:18.000 Yeah, you know.

00:18:19.000 Yeah, I've seen it.

00:18:20.000 That's right.

00:18:20.000 Yeah.

00:18:23.000 And they were like, you'll be fine in here, man.

00:18:26.000 This is Robert Downey Jr. block.

00:18:29.000 They're listing up all the celebrities that have been in there.

00:18:33.000 Tommy Lee.

00:18:35.000 And ODB is always in here.

00:18:38.000 You're actually in his cell.

00:18:40.000 Oh, ODB. I miss that dude.

00:18:42.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:18:43.000 That was a good one. 1.00

00:18:45.000 The longest I was in jail was 10 days in Orlando.

00:18:51.000 That was for drunk driving. 0.99

00:18:53.000 Now that's fucked up. 1.00

00:18:54.000 That was fucked up. 1.00

00:18:57.000 I remember that was in 1996. I hadn't really broken out yet. 0.99

00:19:08.000 I barely could afford to get to Orlando.

00:19:12.000 I lived in South Florida near West Palm Beach.

00:19:15.000 And so I had to scrape money together for a Greyhound bus to get to Orlando.

00:19:23.000 And I was like, I can't afford to get there once for my arraignment.

00:19:27.000 I can't afford to get arraigned and then set a date and then come back and then come back again.

00:19:33.000 And I had a public defender.

00:19:35.000 The public defender said, yeah, I saw the video.

00:19:38.000 We're not going to be able to do much about this.

00:19:41.000 That was the one where my arrest report said, defendant declined roadside sobriety tests, stating he would prefer to take a nap.

00:19:53.000 Because I was trying to argue that I wasn't actually drunk.

00:19:56.000 I was just really tired.

00:20:01.000 So I just told the public defender guy, I was like, man, I can't afford to go home and come back again.

00:20:08.000 So at the arraignment, can we just plead guilty and ask that I go to jail right away?

00:20:17.000 So that's what we did.

00:20:20.000 And I actually did the whole 10 days.

00:20:22.000 So what's worse, Mexico or Orlando as far as jail?

00:20:27.000 Well, Mexico was just like holding, you know? 0.67

00:20:33.000 Orlando was like proper, like proper jail, like process.

00:20:37.000 And it was pretty mellow because like...

00:20:40.000 In Orlando, they said, as you get process, you get orientation, they kind of break down what it's going to be like.

00:20:49.000 They give you a Tupperware tub of your belongings, where you've got your blanket, a soap.

00:20:57.000 They won't let you have a razor, but a toothbrush.

00:21:01.000 And they're like, this is your belongings.

00:21:04.000 You're going to have it at the foot of your bed.

00:21:06.000 You're going to keep it like this.

00:21:08.000 And don't piss us off.

00:21:11.000 Don't do anything wrong. 1.00

00:21:12.000 Because if you hear, pack up your belongings, then what that means is, then you're going to pack all your shit into your tub and you're going into the fucking dungeon. 0.97

00:21:24.000 What that means is that if you're in the dungeon down there, you're just not on camera down there. 0.99

00:21:32.000 Anything can happen to you.

00:21:35.000 That was sort of the incentive to be on your best behavior.

00:21:39.000 Because up here, everything's on camera.

00:21:42.000 You don't want to go to the dungeon.

00:21:45.000 They're just letting you know that if we bring you downstairs, we're going to abuse you. 1.00

00:21:49.000 If you fuck up, you're going down and bad shit's going to happen to you. 1.00

00:21:53.000 Because only people who go down to the dungeon are dangerous people that you don't want to be fucking with. 1.00

00:22:01.000 So they're gonna be with you in the dungeon. 0.97

00:22:04.000 So that's the...

00:22:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:22:06.000 Basically, the worst people who are more inclined to hurt you are in the dungeon.

00:22:11.000 And no cameras.

00:22:12.000 Yeah, if I remember.

00:22:14.000 Because I remember being always on camera, no matter what happened.

00:22:17.000 I don't know if it was no cameras, but they're just like, we're not gonna...

00:22:20.000 Down there, nothing's gonna be...

00:22:23.000 Nothing gets stopped. 1.00

00:22:24.000 You're going to get fucked. 1.00

00:22:25.000 You're going to be fucked. 1.00

00:22:26.000 And it worked. 1.00

00:22:27.000 It kept everything pretty civil.

00:22:31.000 I was very well behaved.

00:22:34.000 Now, when you're in jail for 10 days, is it easy?

00:22:37.000 In 10 days, can you get drugs in 10 days?

00:22:40.000 Or do you have to get to know the system?

00:22:43.000 I don't think that you're going to have as much luck in county jail.

00:22:47.000 County jail, by definition, means that you have a...

00:22:51.000 Sentence of less than one year.

00:22:53.000 And then at the point of it being one year, then it's called prison.

00:22:58.000 And in prison, I think, that's where you can get whatever you want and all that.

00:23:02.000 Really?

00:23:03.000 Yeah, I don't think jail is as, you know...

00:23:09.000 Probably make hooch is probably the big thing. 1.00

00:23:12.000 Right, and maybe, I don't have that much experience, so I don't know, but I couldn't get... 0.96

00:23:17.000 I was doing backflips for extra food and shit, you know? 0.90

00:23:23.000 Do people give you food? 0.99

00:23:25.000 Like the people that work there or other inmates?

00:23:28.000 The people that work there, you know, when they had the cart that came by.

00:23:32.000 And I remember, too, there was in Orlando...

00:23:36.000 Jail's a big business in Orlando because it's kind of like Mecca, maybe even more than Mecca.

00:23:42.000 More families travel from all over the world to...

00:23:46.000 It's like the biggest tourist thing.

00:23:48.000 So the business is like, they say, you come to Orlando on vacation, you leave on probation, and then you return on violation.

00:24:00.000 They have all the theme parks there, right?

00:24:02.000 They have Disneyland, there's a bunch of them.

00:24:05.000 Is SeaWorld there too?

00:24:06.000 They got SeaWorld in Orlando and San Antonio and San Diego.

00:24:08.000 When are they closing SeaWorld down?

00:24:10.000 Because in California they just made it illegal for them to breed in captivity.

00:24:14.000 They banned captive breeding California banned captive breeding, which means that it only applies to the San Diego Sea World. 0.87

00:24:24.000 But that fucking came down, whatever that decision was made official, like within two days of me getting my jail sentence. 0.92

00:24:33.000 That's amazing. 1.00

00:24:35.000 And I like to think, maybe it's such a coincidence, but I like to think that I got people started talking about it, you know, thinking about it, and then they were like, you know what, fuck those people. 0.99

00:24:45.000 Well, you definitely did. 0.96

00:24:46.000 You definitely put some attention on it, but there's been some attention on it for quite a while.

00:24:50.000 Of course.

00:24:51.000 And that movie Blackfish was the big one.

00:24:53.000 Of course.

00:24:53.000 That was the big one.

00:24:54.000 That woke up a lot of people.

00:24:55.000 When they just realized, like, whoa, what is this place?

00:24:58.000 Killed SeaWorld for me forever.

00:25:00.000 I used to love it going as a kid.

00:25:01.000 I was always telling you, like, you're going to watch prisoners.

00:25:05.000 You're going to watch slaves. 1.00

00:25:07.000 It's super fucked, dude. 1.00

00:25:09.000 It's super fucked. 1.00

00:25:10.000 They're like water people. 1.00

00:25:12.000 I mean, they really are, like, as smart as human beings.

00:25:14.000 They just don't affect their environment. 0.98

00:25:16.000 I think smarter, too, because, like, just their loyalty and shit like that. 0.98

00:25:20.000 Like, humans aren't that loyal. 0.99

00:25:21.000 Well, you could say that, but some humans are, and dolphins kill a lot of babies. 0.88

00:25:26.000 Right. 0.97

00:25:27.000 They kill baby dolphins, they rape a lot. 0.75

00:25:30.000 They're not the best.

00:25:31.000 Right. 0.98

00:25:31.000 Yeah, dolphins are dicks, but not whales. 0.98

00:25:34.000 Well, even killer whales. 0.97

00:25:35.000 Killer whales kill dolphins.

00:25:36.000 Oh, yeah?

00:25:37.000 Yeah, and whales.

00:25:38.000 They eat whales alive. 0.99

00:25:40.000 It's a hard fucking world in the ocean. 1.00

00:25:42.000 The ocean's a dog-eat-dog world, or dolphin-eat-baby world, or killer whale-eat-whale world. 1.00

00:25:49.000 One thing for sure, though...

00:25:50.000 There has never been an instance of a killer whale You know, people would like to call them orcas.

00:25:56.000 And orcas never attacked a human in the wild.

00:25:59.000 That's true.

00:26:00.000 Because when we were filming Wild Boys, we went to Alaska, and we ran across a pod of orcas.

00:26:08.000 And we had Manny, the crazy shark guy, you know, the Tarzan-looking dude that rides sharks everywhere.

00:26:15.000 And he was so jazzed. 0.99

00:26:16.000 He sees these fucking killer whales in the wild. 1.00

00:26:19.000 He just dives in to go swim with them, you know? 1.00

00:26:23.000 We had an inflatable killer whale there too and we towed Pontius on it.

00:26:32.000 But you swim towards these orcas and they're out.

00:26:36.000 They don't even want to hang with you.

00:26:38.000 Yeah, but they have saved people.

00:26:40.000 They've saved drowning people before.

00:26:42.000 Oh, yeah?

00:26:42.000 People who capsize boats, they've actually lifted them up and helped them.

00:26:47.000 They're very smart.

00:26:48.000 They say that they have dialects, you can tell their different accents, they recognize each other, they stay with the same family for life. 0.99

00:26:58.000 That's why it's so fucked up when they take them away. 0.99

00:27:00.000 You're stealing someone away, like a child, away from their mother. 1.00

00:27:03.000 It's so fucking dark. 0.99

00:27:05.000 And when you see those SeaWorld commercials, they're like, we haven't taken orcas from the wild in over 34 years. 0.99

00:27:12.000 Imagine if there was a commercial for Nabisco, and Nabisco was like, we haven't stolen slaves in over 34 years.

00:27:21.000 The slaves that we have, we have had them for a long time.

00:27:25.000 That's basically what they're saying. 0.99

00:27:27.000 I know, it's fucked up, dude. 0.99

00:27:29.000 Go ahead. 0.98

00:27:30.000 I grew up with a SeaWorld in Ohio, and it's really weird how, you know, growing up, they don't teach you that, like, hey, we captured these guys.

00:27:38.000 You always kind of thought, like, oh, they're injured, and we helped them, and that's why they're here.

00:27:42.000 It was always kind of like, oh, I like SeaWorld because I want to see these dolphins do good and be better.

00:27:49.000 But after watching that movie, you realize, you know, it's the exact opposite.

00:27:54.000 They just kind of...

00:27:54.000 Right.

00:27:55.000 It's slavery. 0.97

00:27:56.000 They say a dolphin has a cerebral cortex that's 40% larger than a human being's.

00:28:02.000 I believe it.

00:28:02.000 They don't have the ability to alter their environment.

00:28:06.000 They can't pick things up and move them around.

00:28:07.000 They can't send emails.

00:28:09.000 But they don't have to.

00:28:10.000 They live in a 3D world.

00:28:12.000 They can fly around.

00:28:13.000 In their world, they come up for air, but in their world, they can go left, right, up, down.

00:28:18.000 They don't need fingers.

00:28:20.000 It's not necessary.

00:28:22.000 So our idea, what's intelligence? 1.00

00:28:24.000 If you can't type something, or if you can't build a house, you're a fucking idiot. 1.00

00:28:28.000 That's how we look at it. 1.00

00:28:29.000 But those things that we define as intelligent when it comes to human beings are completely unnecessary.

00:28:35.000 They go where the water's warm.

00:28:37.000 The fish are everywhere. 1.00

00:28:38.000 Fish are stupid as fuck. 1.00

00:28:39.000 They swim up to them. 1.00

00:28:40.000 They jack them. 0.72

00:28:41.000 Dolphins probably never starve to death.

00:28:43.000 I mean, they're faster than fish.

00:28:45.000 I mean, I guess they die of old age.

00:28:47.000 But you gotta think, like... 0.99

00:28:50.000 Unless they run out of fish, fish are probably easy as fuck for them to catch. 0.99

00:28:54.000 They just swim up and jack them. 0.98

00:28:56.000 It's like food is floating around the sky.

00:28:58.000 Imagine if everywhere you went, there's sandwiches just floating around in front of you.

00:29:02.000 You just hang out with your homies and grab a sandwich.

00:29:05.000 I mean, that's dolphin world.

00:29:07.000 Yeah, that's dolphin world. 1.00

00:29:08.000 But they do do some dark shit. 0.99

00:29:10.000 But they usually do it in the name of breeding. 1.00

00:29:13.000 That's why female dolphins are super slutty. 1.00

00:29:16.000 They're super slutty because they can't recognize lines of paternity, so they don't necessarily know whether or not the baby's theirs. 1.00

00:29:24.000 So if they go up to a chick and she's got babies and they have never had sex with her, the female dolphins won't have sex until their baby has reached maturity, until their baby can swim away. 0.97

00:29:37.000 It's like a few years, I believe.

00:29:39.000 So when the males come up to females and they have babies and they haven't had sex with the female, they'll sometimes kill the babies so that she'll have sex with them again. 1.00

00:29:49.000 It's pretty fucked up. 1.00

00:29:50.000 Lions do shit like that, too. 1.00

00:29:51.000 Bears do shit like that, too. 1.00

00:29:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:29:54.000 That's the other thing.

00:29:55.000 That video with you and the lion, that's another one.

00:29:56.000 The lion in the tree.

00:29:58.000 We've watched that a few times on this show and freaked. 0.99

00:30:01.000 Yeah, but in any case, I'm going to jail for a fucking good cause, man. 1.00

00:30:05.000 I used to get arrested for fucked up shit, man, you know? 1.00

00:30:08.000 Like, drugs and violence. 1.00

00:30:11.000 Like, in Canada I got arrested.

00:30:13.000 For violence?

00:30:14.000 Well, kind of, yeah.

00:30:15.000 What'd you do?

00:30:16.000 It was assault.

00:30:18.000 And we actually ran away from cops and got away.

00:30:21.000 It was on New Year's Eve in 2003. I want to say it was 2003 turning into 2004. Did this big show and some fucking asshole got on stage and snuck up and sucker punched me while I was on stage.

00:30:40.000 He fucking punched me. 1.00

00:30:42.000 And so, of course, everybody grabs him and starts beating the shit out of him. 1.00

00:30:45.000 And I'm on the microphone saying, fucking kick his ass! 1.00

00:30:52.000 It started out as an assault on me, but by the time, I was like, nah, kick his ass! 1.00

00:30:57.000 And they're beating him just all bloody. 1.00

00:31:01.000 And Preston Lacey, the big guy on Jackass, had his microphone.

00:31:05.000 He was just grating the dude's forehead off with him.

00:31:08.000 So it was kind of bloody from that.

00:31:11.000 And then they carried him away and I hauled off and kicked the guy.

00:31:17.000 You got in trouble for that?

00:31:19.000 I did, yeah.

00:31:19.000 The cops were called, and we just, I think, maybe ran off the stage and just dipped and got away.

00:31:28.000 But then I was back on my new tour in Calgary, and I'm on the morning news promoting my shows.

00:31:42.000 They said, have you ever been to Calgary before?

00:31:44.000 I said, oh yeah.

00:31:45.000 I was here and we really beat the crap out of this guy and then we ran from cops and got away.

00:31:52.000 They still let you in Canada?

00:31:54.000 Well, I'm Canadian.

00:31:55.000 I have a Canadian passport.

00:31:56.000 I'm also American and I'm also British.

00:31:58.000 What?

00:31:59.000 My mom was born in Canada.

00:32:01.000 My dad was born in America.

00:32:02.000 I was born in England.

00:32:03.000 So I'm all three.

00:32:05.000 So all you have to do is be born in a country like that, and you get a passport, you're a citizen?

00:32:09.000 Yeah.

00:32:09.000 But then they allow you to be a citizen of America, too.

00:32:12.000 Correct, yeah.

00:32:12.000 Dude, that's a sweet deal.

00:32:15.000 You can't be a resident of more than one place.

00:32:17.000 Right.

00:32:17.000 But you can be a citizen.

00:32:19.000 All I gotta do is marry an Australian chick, and I'm stoked.

00:32:22.000 Even New Zealand would be even better.

00:32:23.000 And so then you're like, quadra.

00:32:26.000 Right.

00:32:27.000 Quadra citizen.

00:32:28.000 But I'm triple national. 0.96

00:32:28.000 The thing was, though, so I'm bragging about, like, yeah, we beat up this guy and fucking ran from the cops. 0.96

00:32:34.000 And then when I left from that trip, I hand over the passport to the immigration guy going through the airport.

00:32:41.000 He's like, yeah, go ahead and wait in this room.

00:32:46.000 That was a red flag.

00:32:47.000 Yeah, so the cops came and arrested me.

00:32:51.000 I mean, they held me for like 12 hours or 10 hours or something.

00:32:55.000 And what did they say when they arrested you?

00:32:57.000 They said you have an outstanding warrant, which I think is pretty funny.

00:33:00.000 It's like, an outstanding warrant?

00:33:04.000 Outstanding?

00:33:05.000 This is a good one.

00:33:07.000 So, I think there's other meanings for outstanding.

00:33:10.000 Right, right.

00:33:11.000 So, why'd they let you go after 12 hours?

00:33:15.000 Because I paid bail.

00:33:16.000 Like, a $10,000 bail or something.

00:33:18.000 That's it?

00:33:19.000 Did you have to go back and go to court?

00:33:20.000 I mean, it was a misdemeanor, you know, whatever.

00:33:22.000 Like, I got it sorted out from, you know, like, whatever.

00:33:26.000 Canada doesn't play when it comes to assault, though. 0.65

00:33:29.000 Canada doesn't play when it comes to anything, man. 1.00

00:33:31.000 Canada is the fucking toughest country to get into. 1.00

00:33:34.000 Everybody gets held up. 0.99

00:33:35.000 If you've got a drunk driving arrest, you're not allowed in.

00:33:40.000 Assault, I don't know if it was that big of a deal.

00:33:43.000 But whatever.

00:33:44.000 It was great because I was able to clear away the wreckage of my past. 0.99

00:33:49.000 For all the fucked up shit I've done, I like to think I've made it all right. 1.00

00:33:54.000 How about the dude that got spiked on his fucking head? 1.00

00:33:57.000 He's fine, dude. 1.00

00:33:58.000 He's got 50 grand, man.

00:34:01.000 Special K through that 50 grand the first day.

00:34:06.000 It's a weird thing, the Canadian thing.

00:34:09.000 They live right next door to us, so they've got to be real careful about fugitives sneaking across the border.

00:34:16.000 So they're super strict about any weirdness.

00:34:19.000 Eddie Bravo, a long time ago, got pulled over, not even arrested, for having a legal...

00:34:26.000 He used to work for a check cashing company.

00:34:28.000 So he used to take these bags of cash around with them, and he had a concealed weapons permit.

00:34:33.000 And so he gets pulled over by the cops, and he tells the cops, officer, I work for a check cashing company, I have a large sum of cash, and I also have a concealed weapon, and here's my permits here, my paperwork.

00:34:47.000 And so they take him out of the car, they handcuff him, check his paperwork, they go, everything seems in order, you're free to go, and they let him go.

00:34:53.000 So every time he goes to Canada, they bring up that.

00:34:56.000 Every time.

00:34:57.000 Still on his record somehow?

00:34:58.000 Still on his record.

00:34:58.000 Still on his record and it wasn't even an arrest.

00:35:01.000 They pulled him over.

00:35:03.000 But when it involves a gun, if it involves anything where you- Large amounts of cash everybody's pretty uptight about.

00:35:10.000 But it was all legit.

00:35:11.000 He worked for a check cashing company.

00:35:13.000 So he had a total 100% ironclad excuse.

00:35:17.000 They let him out.

00:35:18.000 I mean, he never brought him to jail.

00:35:19.000 They let him go.

00:35:21.000 But still, every time he goes to Canada, they check him.

00:35:23.000 Kevin James had a real hard time.

00:35:25.000 Because Kevin James got in a street fight in high school or college or something like that and got arrested.

00:35:29.000 No conviction.

00:35:31.000 Nothing.

00:35:31.000 But every time he would go to Canada, before he was famous, we'd do the Montreal Comedy Festival together.

00:35:37.000 Every time he'd go to Canada, they'd fuck with him. 0.99

00:35:39.000 You know, Australia is the same way, man. 1.00

00:35:41.000 Australia is maybe even harder to get into than Canada.

00:35:46.000 And I'm not Australian, so when I go to Australia, I have to, with my visa application, I have to submit My entire criminal record, like, my whole history.

00:36:00.000 And it's, like, so long.

00:36:01.000 It's hilarious.

00:36:02.000 Like, you know, I mean, there's even a bunch of stuff I didn't even mention.

00:36:06.000 Like, you know, like, being arrested all over the states and stuff.

00:36:09.000 But nothing was really...

00:36:10.000 How many times have you been arrested?

00:36:13.000 There's one in Philadelphia.

00:36:15.000 Like, public urination was, like...

00:36:18.000 I mean, kind of mellow.

00:36:19.000 It was more, like, funny than anything.

00:36:21.000 And...

00:36:23.000 There's my first drunk driving.

00:36:25.000 You should have those four lines and a stripe for five every time you get arrested, like counting off the days in prison.

00:36:34.000 Last year, a year and a half ago or something, I did a whole Australia tour, and I was putting it all together, and I made a YouTube video actually going through my whole official thing with all the paperwork, my criminal past or whatever.

00:36:52.000 And at the same time, too, the Australian tour promoter wanted me to have a name for my tour.

00:37:03.000 Like, oh, we'd like to have a name for the tour.

00:37:05.000 And so I'm going through my whole arrest history.

00:37:08.000 And so I told him, yeah, man, it's Steve-O Guilty as Charged.

00:37:12.000 It's the name of my tour.

00:37:14.000 And so that's been the name of my tour for like a year and a half.

00:37:19.000 If anybody wants to know the name of it, that's what it is every time.

00:37:22.000 And why I'm so excited to be here today is because in less than three weeks in Austin, Texas, I'm taping...

00:37:30.000 My first comedy special for Showtime.

00:37:33.000 And it's, of course, called Steve-O Guilty as Charged.

00:37:36.000 Where are you taping it?

00:37:37.000 At the Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas.

00:37:40.000 Oh, that's a good spot.

00:37:40.000 I've been there.

00:37:41.000 Oh, dude.

00:37:41.000 That's sweet.

00:37:42.000 It's so fucking... 0.97

00:37:43.000 I mean, I just love Texas, man. 0.99

00:37:44.000 I love Texas.

00:37:45.000 I love Texas so much, and it's the one place that I haven't been to with this tour.

00:37:50.000 So it's like a fresh crowd, you know?

00:37:54.000 What are you doing on tour?

00:37:55.000 Are you doing straight stand-up?

00:37:57.000 Are you doing... 0.91

00:37:58.000 It's like a one-man show where it's totally stand-up, it's totally stories, and on story points throughout the show, I do super fucked up stunts. 0.68

00:38:12.000 Like what? 0.89

00:38:15.000 When I come in, I'm going to... 0.99

00:38:19.000 Blast fucking, uh, like a 12-pack of soda cans on my head, you know, like, until they're all, like, busted open. 0.99

00:38:25.000 What? 1.00

00:38:26.000 Yeah.

00:38:27.000 I'll break it.

00:38:28.000 I'll break it. 1.00

00:38:29.000 Like, you just take the can and it's not open and you just fucking keep smashing it in your head until it breaks. 1.00

00:38:36.000 You know? 0.97

00:38:36.000 And it's going to be so dope with all the lights, you know? 0.97

00:38:39.000 Like, all the lights. 0.67

00:38:40.000 And once it breaks, it's like spraying like super fucking a lot, you know? 0.86

00:38:45.000 And so, like, it'll look dope, man. 0.92

00:38:47.000 I'll break, like, at least six of them.

00:38:49.000 And then, whatever, like, you know... 1.00

00:38:52.000 You look so healthy for someone who's done so much fucked up shit to your body. 0.99

00:38:56.000 Like, you walk normal. 0.99

00:38:58.000 Yeah.

00:38:58.000 You seem to be...

00:38:59.000 Your voice's a little raspy, but everything's coming out good.

00:39:02.000 Well, thanks, man.

00:39:02.000 The words come out smooth.

00:39:04.000 I appreciate it, dude.

00:39:05.000 Yeah.

00:39:08.000 At the top of my show, I got some crowd work and stuff, and I don't even waste any time before I start fucking bagging on Carlos Mencia.

00:39:19.000 In your crowd work? 0.99

00:39:20.000 Well, yeah, because one of my big bits is I'll pull the crowd about ladies clap if you've ever received a dick pic from someone you know. 0.96

00:39:34.000 It's one of my... 0.93

00:39:37.000 Best crowd work bids. 0.99

00:39:40.000 After I get done with all the back and forth, it's just really fucking funny to pull what kind of dick pics did you get from guys that you weren't hooking up with. 0.99

00:39:50.000 Now clap if you got a dick pic from a guy that you were not hooking up with at all. 0.99

00:39:55.000 Less, but still tons of chicks clapping. 1.00

00:39:58.000 Okay, now I want you to clap really loud if you went on to have sex with that guy. 1.00

00:40:02.000 Just crickets, you know?

00:40:04.000 I'm like, so it doesn't work, you know?

00:40:06.000 And then I tell them, like, you know, and I just saw this thing recently, and so I just started doing it. 0.94

00:40:11.000 Like, let's say, you know, I saw this funny thing online about dick pics, and it was so funny, I stole it. 0.95

00:40:18.000 You know, it was one of these memes where a girl is saying, receiving a dick pic from a guy is just like her cat bringing her a dead mouse. 0.98

00:40:26.000 She says, I can see that you are very proud. 0.97

00:40:32.000 But I'm not touching it.

00:40:36.000 That's hilarious! 0.99

00:40:38.000 That's fucking funny. 0.98

00:40:39.000 And people will, like, actually clap, you know? 0.99

00:40:42.000 And I say, like, every time, I'm like, oh my god, I can't fucking, like, this floors me. 0.95

00:40:48.000 Getting applause for a joke I told you I stole. 0.93

00:40:53.000 I said I fucking love this so much, I decided I'm gonna do a whole fucking bit just out of jokes I stole. 0.93

00:40:59.000 I call it the Carlos Mencia bit. 0.96

00:41:02.000 Yes. 0.80

00:41:02.000 And so then I just say, really quick, because I don't like to fucking, I don't even, I'm not even comfortable doing this, but I'm like, I'll tell you two jokes, one you've heard of, one you haven't, but I stole them both. 0.80

00:41:15.000 Did you hear what Greg Fitzsimmons is doing? 0.88

00:41:18.000 I don't want to ruin it.

00:41:19.000 I want people to come to Austin so much because normally I do comedy clubs.

00:41:24.000 I sell the lines, share my tickets once I get there.

00:41:27.000 I don't do a lot of advanced ticket sales.

00:41:29.000 I show up and I get on the radio and people are like, oh, he's here.

00:41:32.000 And then I do great.

00:41:34.000 I do really well. 0.99

00:41:36.000 But in this case, and it's November 21st, this month, at the Paramount Theater in Austin, I don't have the luxury of waiting to get there to fucking sell tickets because it's a fucking Showtime comedy special. 0.99

00:41:49.000 We have to have that place sold the fuck out. 0.97

00:41:52.000 What's the date? 0.75

00:41:54.000 November 21st. 0.98

00:41:55.000 Dude, we'll tweet the shit out of it. 0.91

00:41:56.000 Oh, dude, I'm so stoked, man. 0.58

00:41:58.000 Thank you.

00:41:58.000 Yeah, November 21st, Paramount Theater.

00:42:00.000 You can, like, find it at steveo.com.

00:42:02.000 We'll tweet it.

00:42:03.000 We'll tweet it.

00:42:03.000 We'll tweet it after this show is over.

00:42:05.000 Yeah, dude.

00:42:05.000 Super.

00:42:06.000 And I know, like, a million people are listening right now.

00:42:07.000 Can we put it in the YouTube notes that he'll be there?

00:42:10.000 Okay, we'll put it in the YouTube notes of the show, too.

00:42:11.000 Oh, dude, super appreciate it.

00:42:13.000 Yeah, and... 0.67

00:42:16.000 It's gonna be a bunch of people wanting to see you smash soda cans on your head.

00:42:19.000 Oh, dude, you better.

00:42:20.000 I used to do it in comedy clubs like six times a week.

00:42:24.000 I would break like one, two, or three. 0.99

00:42:28.000 But the thing is, I would fucking wake up in the morning and I'd fucking get out of bed and I'm walking like fucking diagonally. 0.99

00:42:35.000 My whole fucking equilibrium was off. 1.00

00:42:38.000 And I was like, I've got to stop hitting myself in the fucking head. 1.00

00:42:41.000 But yet you're gonna do it again. 0.99

00:42:42.000 I'm gonna do it, but yeah, that's only two shows.

00:42:44.000 Oh, I see.

00:42:46.000 I was doing it like all the time.

00:42:47.000 So you're doing it like Wednesday, Thursday, two shows Friday, two shows Saturday.

00:42:52.000 Right, right, right, right.

00:42:52.000 Exactly.

00:42:53.000 So by the time Sunday rolled around, you had brain damage.

00:42:56.000 Totally.

00:42:57.000 Yeah.

00:42:58.000 But yeah, so in any case, I'll be smashing the cans. 0.96

00:43:00.000 I do like the, you know, I've got like a couple bits like with the crowd work and then the fucking, you know, by the time, I'll even tell you the jokes. 0.98

00:43:07.000 I fucking think they're funny. 0.97

00:43:08.000 The ones I stole. 0.97

00:43:10.000 For the Carlos Mencia bit.

00:43:11.000 But if you do that, then the people...

00:43:13.000 You're right.

00:43:14.000 You're right.

00:43:15.000 Thank you, Joe.

00:43:15.000 A lot of people are listening.

00:43:16.000 Don't do that.

00:43:17.000 Thank you, Joe.

00:43:17.000 They listen.

00:43:18.000 They remember. 1.00

00:43:19.000 They write shit down. 1.00

00:43:19.000 Heard it! 1.00

00:43:21.000 I heard this one!

00:43:22.000 You stole it and I heard it!

00:43:25.000 Yeah, thank you, Joe.

00:43:27.000 But then, like, you know, after that, then it's like, okay, now I'm going to really get into it.

00:43:32.000 And so it's sort of like a start off...

00:43:36.000 You know, addressing, like, how people have asked me for so long, like, how did I get into it? 0.99

00:43:40.000 How did the jackass shit start? 0.98

00:43:42.000 And, you know, I give, like, a super condensed, like, super hilarious, like, sort of fucking Genesis story of, like, you know, starting with, like, me in high school and getting copped and dealing drugs and, you know, like, and, you know, 1.00

00:43:58.000 like, going to... 0.96

00:44:00.000 College and just fucking up royally. 0.99

00:44:02.000 I mean, I fucked up royally in college. 0.99

00:44:06.000 What did you do in college that was so bad? 0.99

00:44:08.000 Well, within two weeks of class starting my freshman year, I was on final disciplinary probation, which is fucking impressive. 0.94

00:44:15.000 In two weeks? 0.91

00:44:15.000 Yeah, I got my room raided. 0.91

00:44:17.000 They found alcohol and weed and shit. 0.99

00:44:24.000 They relocated me to another fucking dorm, and they're like, you are on final disciplinary probation. 0.99

00:44:30.000 I broke out a window and climbed onto the roof. 0.99

00:44:35.000 There's a radio tower on top of the roof, and I climbed up that, and someone spotted me from the ground.

00:44:40.000 And so the cops came on the roof and they kicked me out of the dorms.

00:44:44.000 And I was failing the fuck out of my classes.

00:44:47.000 And then I just got in a van with this dude and just took off without even withdrawing.

00:44:53.000 So I got...

00:44:54.000 I got in a van with this dude.

00:44:58.000 That never ends well.

00:45:00.000 So I failed out, I got kicked out, and I dropped out.

00:45:04.000 Oh my god.

00:45:05.000 Which I call overachieving.

00:45:07.000 Yeah.

00:45:07.000 That's definitely a mouthful.

00:45:09.000 I know and like that's the thing it's like you know people were like when I was leaving the University of Miami It's like well, what are you gonna do now? 1.00

00:45:15.000 And I'm like I'm gonna fucking videotape fucked up shit. 0.98

00:45:17.000 I'm gonna I'm gonna be what year was this? 1.00

00:45:20.000 93. So you had this idea in 93. Oh, yeah I was and even then I was like man like I had like special fucking skills, you know like I had I could like I was really fucking good at drinking bong water I didn't care how murky it was or whatever.

00:45:41.000 Very few people have ever said, I didn't care how murky it was.

00:45:44.000 Like that sentence?

00:45:46.000 If you live a whole life and that never comes out of your mouth, you live a good life.

00:45:50.000 Right.

00:45:50.000 And I was like, it was Miami, so I was like super into, I was like blow off class and I'd be like practicing jumping on the diving boards at the pool.

00:46:00.000 And I'm like, I'm never going to be a diver, but if I jump strictly off of roofs of apartment buildings and shit into shallow pools, then it's badass.

00:46:09.000 So I got pretty good at that. 0.76

00:46:11.000 Oh my god.

00:46:12.000 And then my specialty was setting myself on fire with hairspray and rubbing alcohol. 0.97

00:46:18.000 And so at the point where I'm not even fucking... 0.92

00:46:22.000 Five minutes into the show at this point, and I had to say, my specialty was setting myself on fire with hairspray and rubbing alcohol. 0.93

00:46:29.000 So I'm going to, at that point, demonstrate.

00:46:32.000 You do that in the theater they let you do that?

00:46:35.000 I used to do it in comedy clubs all the time, but I kept getting so hurt. 0.98

00:46:39.000 I just fucking stopped. 0.95

00:46:41.000 Because what I do is... 0.97

00:46:44.000 I'm gonna do like kind of a deluxe version for this one like I'm gonna start with like a can of hairspray I'm gonna like spray my like all the hair on my head like heavily with the hairspray I'm gonna climb on top of a table on the stage and And douse my arm with rubbing alcohol,

00:47:00.000 fill my mouth with lamp oil. 0.99

00:47:04.000 What about your butthole? 1.00

00:47:06.000 Anything going in there? 1.00

00:47:07.000 Zippo fluid.

00:47:08.000 Kerosene?

00:47:08.000 Then I'm going to click a lighter and light my arm on fire, like just the rubbing alcohol on my skin.

00:47:14.000 And a trail will go all the way up to your hair.

00:47:16.000 Well, like a drop, like from when I pour it, like on the table there will be a puddle, and so like a drop will stay on fire probably, and then the table will be on fire.

00:47:26.000 My arm's on fire and then like so I'm gonna use my arm as a torch when I do a front flip standing on top of the table and simultaneously as I do the front flip blow a fireball like off of my arm like which is a huge lamp oil goes crazy so like the lamp oil and as I'm flipping like the front flip my head like everything just goes right through the fire so when I crash on the table on my back now my head's on fire and so then I get up and like kind of like Like

00:47:56.000 flail around the stage with my head on fire and my buddy comes running out with a mouthful of lamp oil and he comes running out to me and he uses my head as a torch and just you know blows a fucking huge fireball off of my head and and then Like we'll figure out how to put me out, 0.85

00:48:13.000 you know, then we'll figure it out. 0.86

00:48:15.000 Right, right I mean maybe he'll have like a towel or something because I've gotten like a towel.

00:48:20.000 Yeah How about a fireman?

00:48:23.000 No, I mean, like, I wouldn't do that.

00:48:25.000 I'll go, like, my goal will be to just use my bare hands.

00:48:28.000 But the thing is, like, I've done it where I've, like...

00:48:30.000 Does the paranormal know that you're gonna do this?

00:48:30.000 Oh, no.

00:48:31.000 Oh, fuck, dude. 1.00

00:48:32.000 Don't. 1.00

00:48:33.000 Don't tell them.

00:48:35.000 Oh, don't tell them.

00:48:37.000 Yeah.

00:48:37.000 Oh, my God.

00:48:38.000 I didn't even think about it.

00:48:39.000 You didn't think about it? 0.99

00:48:41.000 Well, I mean, it's a fucking huge theater. 0.98

00:48:44.000 It didn't occur to me that they would find out that I was going to do it until I already did it. 0.97

00:48:50.000 A million plus people are going to hear this.

00:48:54.000 Someone's going to tell them. 0.99

00:48:56.000 Alright, well then fucking I better figure it out. 0.99

00:49:00.000 I'll call my agent. 0.99

00:49:01.000 I guarantee you they have fire codes. 0.99

00:49:02.000 Dude, I've done it in the fucking thousand places. 0.95

00:49:06.000 Have you ever let anybody know beforehand on a podcast? 0.99

00:49:09.000 I feel like a fucking flashback from Calgary coming in. 0.98

00:49:15.000 It's like all the times you've hit yourself in the head with sodas, you've knocked out this pre-planning segment of your brain that's just shorted out like a bad fuse. 0.99

00:49:28.000 Nah, dude, we'll figure it out.

00:49:29.000 No worries.

00:49:31.000 Maybe we'll have a bunch of people with fire extinguishers. 0.96

00:49:35.000 You would definitely have a bunch of people with fire extinguishers. 0.99

00:49:37.000 We'll let the fucking fire marshal know or whatever. 0.98

00:49:40.000 This is so important, man. 0.99

00:49:42.000 I have to do it.

00:49:43.000 Aren't you scared that, like, maybe you'll get really injured and you can't finish?

00:49:46.000 I mean, like, if you burn your face off?

00:49:49.000 One time I burned my neck really bad, and it hurts, but it's not gonna, like, stop me, you know? 0.96

00:49:55.000 Wow.

00:49:56.000 Like, the rest of your show could be you looking, you know, like steam coming off your face and your lips all melted.

00:50:02.000 Wouldn't be the first time.

00:50:02.000 If it was you, that would be a real problem.

00:50:05.000 But if it's him, it's like, it's part of the fun.

00:50:08.000 Right. 1.00

00:50:09.000 Part of the fun is him being all fucked up. 1.00

00:50:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:50:11.000 I mean, I think it's...

00:50:12.000 Whatever.

00:50:13.000 I mean, the...

00:50:14.000 The crazier the better. 0.99

00:50:16.000 I'm in this to fucking really make an impression. 0.99

00:50:19.000 You're in it to win it. 0.98

00:50:21.000 It's gonna go on.

00:50:24.000 It's kind of a one-man show.

00:50:25.000 But the thing is, it's also fully stand-up, man.

00:50:29.000 I've been on tour doing stand-up for five years now.

00:50:32.000 Yeah, I remember when you first started doing it.

00:50:34.000 You first started doing it right around the time you were getting sober, right?

00:50:38.000 I had been sober for two years when I really dove into it.

00:50:43.000 I wasn't sober yet when I first started.

00:50:46.000 Oh, you weren't?

00:50:46.000 Yeah, first time I tried it was 2006. Oh, okay.

00:50:50.000 So you took a break and then came back.

00:50:51.000 Yeah, I mean, I just dabbled in it.

00:50:53.000 I didn't do it heavy until I'd been sober for a couple years.

00:50:56.000 But that's pretty much what you do now.

00:50:57.000 Pretty much, yeah. 0.92

00:50:59.000 Now, is being sober, does that fuck with your ability to do a lot of these crazy stunts?

00:51:05.000 Well, obviously not.

00:51:06.000 You know, I would say that...

00:51:07.000 I mean, if you're, like, sober, like, you know, like...

00:51:13.000 Deliberately hurting yourself isn't necessarily easier, but I never did that because I was wasted. 0.97

00:51:21.000 I did it because I'm an attention whore. 0.99

00:51:23.000 Sober or not, take away the drugs and alcohol, I'm still an attention whore. 0.99

00:51:27.000 But you embrace that. 1.00

00:51:28.000 Fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

00:51:29.000 Why do you think I have a fucking tattoo of myself on my back? 1.00

00:51:33.000 You know, like everybody's favorite topic of conversation is themselves. 0.99

00:51:37.000 I'm just like, I think that's hilarious and I'm cool with admitting it. 0.97

00:51:40.000 But it just seems like if you were fucked up on drugs and you made this career of like getting hammered and going out and doing wild crazy stunts that got you injured and then you cut out the getting fucked up part. 0.97

00:51:53.000 Right. 0.99

00:51:54.000 But you're still injuring yourself.

00:51:56.000 Well, I mean, injuring myself isn't as much of it.

00:52:01.000 I mean, sure, I'll still do.

00:52:03.000 I don't care.

00:52:03.000 What's the most injured you've ever gotten?

00:52:06.000 I threw myself off of a balcony at the University of Miami.

00:52:11.000 After I dropped out, and then I came back and just lived there, even though I wasn't allowed to.

00:52:17.000 And there was a keg party, and I was trying to impress this fat chick, and I was on the balcony, but I had taken too many pills and drank too much booze.

00:52:27.000 And I'm telling this girl, this was in, I think it was January of 1995. And I'm telling this girl, I said, I'm gonna be like a fucking super rad stuntman. 0.97

00:52:38.000 And we're on this second floor balcony and I tell her like, Okay, I'm gonna be this fucking gnarly stuntman. 0.99

00:52:45.000 Picture this. 0.98

00:52:46.000 Imagine there's a fight on the balcony, and I get punched, and I'm pretending I get punched, and I just throw myself off the balcony. 0.94

00:52:54.000 Now, I used to throw myself off the balconies all the time, but not when I was that fucked up and not when I was trying to pretend that I had been punched. 0.57

00:53:02.000 So my whole game plan, the way I would do it, I did it different. 0.91

00:53:07.000 I didn't catch the bottom. 0.75

00:53:09.000 with my hand and then let myself go I just spun over the railing and so I spun over the railing and landed on my fucking face on the bottom and I broke I have the CAT scans they're so gnarly like I broke my my cheekbone I broke seven teeth. 0.78

00:53:25.000 I had 10 stitches in my chin, a concussion, and a broken wrist.

00:53:30.000 That's actually pretty good, considering you fell onto what?

00:53:35.000 Concrete. 0.98

00:53:35.000 And I was landing there, and I was fucking face down. 0.98

00:53:38.000 From where I needed the 10 stitches, I had a pool of blood growing. 0.98

00:53:44.000 I was face down in it. 0.95

00:53:45.000 I'm not even fucking twitching a finger at all. 0.93

00:53:49.000 There's just blood pooling, and I'm not moving, and everyone's like... 0.97

00:53:53.000 Thinks I'm probably dead.

00:53:55.000 But my buddies were like, they're like, man, if he's not dead, he's gonna need that weed in his pockets. 0.91

00:54:01.000 I remember I had like kind weed, you know, like fucking proper good weed in one pocket and like swag weed in the other. 0.75

00:54:09.000 And they, you know, pulled it out.

00:54:13.000 And in the morning, I knew my mom was like, I don't even remember landing.

00:54:18.000 Like, I don't remember anything, you know, and they called the ambulance, whatever, and it came. 0.95

00:54:24.000 And then in the morning, I woke up and I was so fucked up. 0.98

00:54:28.000 It was unbelievable. 0.98

00:54:28.000 But I knew my mom was on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. 0.98

00:54:32.000 But I told them, I said, oh, I need to call my mom.

00:54:35.000 And they said, of course.

00:54:36.000 But what I did was I called my buddies down at the University of Miami. 0.99

00:54:40.000 I said, hey, I'm going to fucking leave out the fucking emergency room entrance right now. 0.99

00:54:46.000 Come scoop me up. 0.99

00:54:47.000 And so I broke out of the hospital in my gown.

00:54:51.000 And they came and picked me up.

00:54:52.000 And I went back to the spot.

00:54:54.000 And I stood right over the pool of blood.

00:54:57.000 And I tried to pound a beer, but I couldn't because it hurt too bad.

00:55:03.000 I couldn't eat or anything, and my sinuses would fill with blood, and then I would hawk it, you know, like you hawk a loogie, and then spit it out, and it was just blood loogies for like two weeks.

00:55:14.000 I tried to eat applesauce, and I couldn't even fucking eat applesauce because I was so busted up, and so a bowl of applesauce sat next to my bed just with blood loogies in it. 0.53

00:55:25.000 I just used it as a spitter. 0.97

00:55:31.000 I broke my wrist too.

00:55:33.000 So I had the cast on my wrist for like whatever you have it on for six weeks.

00:55:38.000 And my mom like sort of felt bad for me because my I broke seven teeth, and so all my front teeth are all busted out. 0.98

00:55:45.000 And she knew I was a fuck-up. 0.89

00:55:47.000 Which teeth? 0.99

00:55:48.000 It was one of my front ones, and then there was one that didn't break, and then the one on the other side of that one did break, so it looked extra bad.

00:55:59.000 Oh my god.

00:56:00.000 Right.

00:56:01.000 And my mom felt bad for me.

00:56:05.000 She felt bad for me, and she's sort of an enabler, too.

00:56:09.000 She set a dentist appointment for me to get my teeth fixed.

00:56:13.000 And she was going to pay for it.

00:56:15.000 And I still got the cast to my wrist. 0.99

00:56:17.000 And the night before the fucking dentist appointment where I'm going to get my teeth fixed is when I get fucking arrested for my first drunk driving. 0.99

00:56:27.000 And so they fucking take me into Miami-Dade fucking county jail. 0.99

00:56:33.000 And I'm in the holding cell there. 1.00

00:56:36.000 And one of the fucking, like, correctional officers in the jail looks at my fucking cast and says that cast is a potential weapon. 0.99

00:56:47.000 If I get into a fight in the holding cell, now I'm going to have an unfair advantage because I've got this cast on my arm. 1.00

00:56:55.000 So they're like, you can't be in this fucking holding cell. 0.99

00:56:58.000 You have to go in to this gnarly fucking crazy fucking cell with all the people who are in here for the longest stretch of time. 1.00

00:57:08.000 Oh, God. 1.00

00:57:09.000 You know, and the first thing I had to do was go and get naked and take a fucking shower in the back of this big cell with all these bunk beds and all these fucking creepy assholes. 1.00

00:57:19.000 And I'm like, this sucks, man. 1.00

00:57:21.000 I called my mom and I was like, Mom, you know, I'm in jail.

00:57:26.000 And she's like...

00:57:27.000 She's like, what?

00:57:29.000 She says, I'm not bailing you out unless you go door-to-door straight to rehab.

00:57:35.000 And I'm like, okay!

00:57:37.000 So I went to rehab in 1995. And I remember these fucking guys. 1.00

00:57:44.000 One of the counselors says, yeah, 95% of all alcoholics die drunk of alcohol. 0.99

00:57:51.000 Causes related directly to alcoholism, you know like most people like they don't get sober, you know like and I'm sitting there thinking man This guy's telling me like if I'd like really wanted to get sober I got a five percent chance.

00:58:03.000 I'm like fuck that, you know So I stayed loaded like I just resigned myself to being loaded forever and it wasn't until like 13 years later I've finally got it.

00:58:13.000 So him saying that... 0.99

00:58:14.000 Kept me fucking wasted, but what it did, really, what it did was it just made me not, like, get sober until I was really ready, you know?

00:58:25.000 And what made you really ready? 1.00

00:58:27.000 Well, I mean, fuck. 1.00

00:58:28.000 I got, like, Knoxville pulled an intervention on me. 1.00

00:58:32.000 That's when you know you're fucked up. 1.00

00:58:34.000 I know. 1.00

00:58:35.000 Johnny Knoxville steps in and goes, dude, you're too crazy. 0.97

00:58:40.000 Yeah, you know you got a problem when that's your interventionist. 0.93

00:58:44.000 What was going on that he had to step in? 0.95

00:58:46.000 Well, I had this, like, fucking mass email thing, and I was, like, broadcasting my downward spiral in, like, fucking real time to, like, you know, 200 of the most, like, You know, influential fucking people in the entertainment industry who had the misfortune of giving me their info, 0.97

00:59:03.000 you know? 0.99

00:59:04.000 And it was just, like, more fucked up. 1.00

00:59:07.000 And it just kept getting worse and worse. 0.99

00:59:09.000 And I got arrested for, like, felony cocaine possession. 0.99

00:59:15.000 That was another one of my fucking arrests. 0.99

00:59:18.000 What's felony cocaine possession? 1.00

00:59:20.000 You have a certain amount?

00:59:21.000 Well, there's no such thing as misdemeanor cocaine possession, I suppose.

00:59:24.000 Not even like a little bit?

00:59:25.000 Nah, you got a little...

00:59:26.000 It's a felony, yeah.

00:59:28.000 But I got evicted.

00:59:29.000 I got arrested.

00:59:32.000 This is when I had...

00:59:33.000 My neighbor in this apartment building I lived in was always calling the cops because I deserved it. 0.98

00:59:40.000 He was a lawyer, and I'm like an asshole, and I'm always making all this noise, so the cops were always coming. 0.97

00:59:46.000 But typically they would get to my apartment and they'd be stoked. 0.98

00:59:49.000 They'd be like, oh, no way, Steve-O, cool, man, have a good night. 0.99

00:59:52.000 And so they would take off, you know, or I would play nice, but this guy's just fucking, his life was misery because of me. 1.00

01:00:02.000 But the thing was that because I was such a fucking loaded asshole with all my fucking drugs and fucking being wasted, I just became particularly mad at him for always calling the cops on me. 1.00

01:00:17.000 I'd, like, fucking take, like, a baseball bat and, like, pound his door or whatever, like, fuck you, call the cops, you know? 1.00

01:00:23.000 Oh, no. 1.00

01:00:24.000 And I was, like, pounding on the wall that separated our apartments, like, all the time. 1.00

01:00:33.000 Just like, how do you like that, fucker, you know? 1.00

01:00:35.000 How do you like that? 1.00

01:00:36.000 And I pounded on the wall so hard that I fucking actually pounded a hole through the wall where I'm looking into his apartment. 0.97

01:00:43.000 Wow. 0.97

01:00:51.000 Well, the thing was that I pounded enough and then I took a broomstick and fucking just pounded and pounded and pounded until I got through, you know? 0.99

01:01:00.000 So now he calls the the cops and they actually have to arrest me for For whatever, for fucking vandalism. 0.96

01:01:09.000 It was a misdemeanor, but I've now vandalized his property by pounding through the wall. 0.97

01:01:14.000 So they come to arrest me, and this time it doesn't matter if they're stoked or whatever. 0.98

01:01:18.000 And I'm so blown out on fucking ketamine, and I don't know what's going on, and I got a fucking bag of cocaine in my pocket. 0.98

01:01:27.000 And I open up the door. 0.99

01:01:31.000 I'm shirtless.

01:01:32.000 I have no shoes on.

01:01:33.000 And a bag of cocaine in my pocket, and I'm out of my mind, and they're like, hey, we're taking you to jail because we have to arrest you for vandalism.

01:01:41.000 And it's going to be cold, and so as a courtesy, you can go in there and put on a shirt and put on some shoes. 1.00

01:01:50.000 And I'm like, fuck a shirt and fuck some shoes! 1.00

01:01:53.000 Meanwhile, that would have been the perfect opportunity for me to go in, take the bag of cocaine out of my pocket, And I put on, you know, like it was a perfect opportunity, but I'm like, fuck that! 1.00

01:02:05.000 So they take me to jail with no shirt, no shoes, and a fucking, and I get reared. 0.99

01:02:12.000 They go through a property, you know, when they process you into jail. 0.98

01:02:15.000 And so they pull out a bag of cocaine and they re-arrest me at the jail.

01:02:20.000 Oh my god.

01:02:21.000 So I'm in there. 0.80

01:02:22.000 So I'm in there for like three days or something and it's on the news and the apartment building's fucking over me even though I rented four apartments in the building.

01:02:31.000 Why did you rent four?

01:02:32.000 Because one was a skate park.

01:02:43.000 One was a skate park.

01:02:49.000 One was sort of like my buddies.

01:02:51.000 One guy who edited my videos and stuff.

01:02:54.000 It was kind of an office.

01:02:55.000 I had this assistant chick. 1.00

01:02:57.000 It was such a fucking joke. 0.98

01:03:00.000 I mean, her job was just to tell people that she couldn't find me and constantly change my flights because I would always miss my flights, you know? 0.99

01:03:10.000 She was like, travel agent at best, but I had an apartment for her, and then I had my bachelor pad, so it was four. 0.99

01:03:17.000 And still, the fucking apartment's like, get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:03:21.000 When you're renting four apartments and then you still get evicted, like, that's when you know you fucked up. 1.00

01:03:25.000 Well, especially when one of them was a skate park. 0.98

01:03:27.000 Right. 1.00

01:03:28.000 I know, but it was like, next to it on one side was a fucking Russian hooker operation. 1.00

01:03:38.000 So they weren't complaining. 1.00

01:03:40.000 You know, they had dudes coming in to fuck these hookers all day long. 1.00

01:03:43.000 Where did you live? 1.00

01:03:44.000 Right across the street.

01:03:46.000 Do you get a discount still?

01:03:48.000 Do you know anybody?

01:03:49.000 I don't know.

01:03:50.000 It was a long time ago, but it was right across the street from Rock and Roll Ralph's.

01:03:54.000 Oh, right in the midst. 0.96

01:03:56.000 Yeah, I mean, right on the part of Sunset Boulevard with a lot of hookers. 1.00

01:03:59.000 That's a dangerous place to live. 0.91

01:04:00.000 And the lawyers live in there?

01:04:01.000 He's probably shady.

01:04:03.000 Take a look at him closer.

01:04:05.000 I don't know that I ever actually met him.

01:04:07.000 What?

01:04:07.000 I mean, yelling through the door or whatever, maybe like a son, but I wouldn't have recognized him.

01:04:12.000 Do you feel like you want to go back and apologize to him?

01:04:14.000 I tried.

01:04:15.000 Did you?

01:04:15.000 I tried.

01:04:15.000 I actually had his email, and...

01:04:18.000 I reached out to him and I said, hey, it would mean a lot to me if we could meet up.

01:04:23.000 And he just declined.

01:04:26.000 So I had to respect that.

01:04:27.000 But he declined in an email.

01:04:29.000 He declined.

01:04:30.000 He declined to meet me.

01:04:31.000 So I just sort of, when you're in that situation and you want to go through and make things right, you had to respect that.

01:04:37.000 You can't be persistent.

01:04:40.000 To make it right to that guy, it's called a living amends, where I'm not going to do that to anybody else.

01:04:47.000 And this is a part of the thing about rehab?

01:04:50.000 Yeah, of course.

01:04:52.000 It's basically a thing about life.

01:04:55.000 But it's something that they ask you to do when you're going through rehab?

01:05:00.000 Right.

01:05:00.000 It would be considered step nine of the 12 steps.

01:05:03.000 We made direct amends wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

01:05:10.000 So yeah, so that's part of the deal. 0.96

01:05:11.000 And now, I finally get out of jail and I come back and there's a fucking eviction notice on my door. 0.99

01:05:17.000 You know, like, get the fuck out within three days. 0.99

01:05:20.000 Oh, actually, there was that, yeah. 0.68

01:05:23.000 And, like, I had all drugs in my apartment.

01:05:27.000 So, like, I get back and, like, there's the eviction notice, but, like, I just go straight for, like, the vials of ketamine.

01:05:32.000 I had, like, two or three more vials of ketamine.

01:05:34.000 I cooked them up in the microwave.

01:05:36.000 You know, I went digging through.

01:05:38.000 Cooked them up in the microwave?

01:05:39.000 How do you handle ketamine?

01:05:41.000 Well, I mean, it's best. 1.00

01:05:43.000 I never just, like, injected shit. 0.99

01:05:45.000 I just never got that far. 0.99

01:05:46.000 But you just cook it in the microwave and it evaporates, like, the maybe water?

01:05:51.000 I don't know.

01:05:51.000 And you're left with, like, the plate.

01:05:54.000 It's, like, crusted to the plate.

01:05:57.000 And then you scrape it up with, like, a card.

01:05:59.000 And then what do you do with that?

01:06:00.000 Snort it.

01:06:01.000 Snort it.

01:06:02.000 Yeah.

01:06:02.000 Now, how did you get started on ketamine?

01:06:05.000 Because ketamine is like a cat.

01:06:07.000 I love that. 1.00

01:06:07.000 I love that shit, dude. 1.00

01:06:08.000 I love, dude. 1.00

01:06:12.000 That was my favorite, man.

01:06:13.000 Do you know Neil Brennan?

01:06:14.000 First time I tried it, I don't think so.

01:06:16.000 Neil Brennan, he's a co-creator of The Chappelle Show, stand-up comic, funny guy.

01:06:20.000 He's been taking ketamine treatments for depression.

01:06:24.000 Oh, my God.

01:06:24.000 I'm so jealous.

01:06:25.000 It's one of the more recent...

01:06:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:29.000 It's one of the more recent treatments for depression.

01:06:32.000 Why?

01:06:33.000 Well, because it resets any intense psychedelic experience.

01:06:37.000 And ketamine, even though it's a tranquilizer, is thought of as a pretty intense psychedelic.

01:06:41.000 It's super dissociative.

01:06:42.000 It's basically a pharmaceutical PCP. Really?

01:06:45.000 That's how you look at it?

01:06:46.000 Yeah, it's what it is, man, really.

01:06:49.000 But did you have out-of-body experiences or any experiences where you felt like you went into another dimension and trips, you know, the K-hole experience? 0.86

01:06:57.000 Some of the experiences I had with ketamine, like...

01:07:03.000 Depth perception? 1.00

01:07:05.000 Like some fear and loathing shit. 1.00

01:07:09.000 I remember my fucking feet are like 30 feet away. 1.00

01:07:15.000 I remember one time I was in a hotel room in London with just way too much of the shit. 0.99

01:07:22.000 And at one point the whole hotel room just started free-falling. 0.99

01:07:27.000 From the sky?

01:07:28.000 Well, looking up.

01:07:32.000 I could actually see an elevator shaft type deal that it was falling through.

01:07:38.000 The hotel room started free falling.

01:07:41.000 And I'm just thinking, whoa!

01:07:43.000 And I remember being so stoked. 0.99

01:07:45.000 I remember thinking, Jim Morrison doesn't have shit on me. 0.99

01:07:49.000 Like, I'm so good at being a drug addict. 0.99

01:07:53.000 Like, whatever, you know.

01:07:56.000 So yeah, I'm cooking up the ketamine and whatever, and I pack...

01:07:59.000 But does it come in a liquid form?

01:08:01.000 It comes in a vial.

01:08:02.000 So it's initially a liquid.

01:08:03.000 Like the kind of vial where you would stick a needle into it.

01:08:04.000 A needle and it's a shoot into a cat, usually.

01:08:07.000 Sure.

01:08:07.000 It's like a horse.

01:08:09.000 I think horse as much.

01:08:10.000 Yeah?

01:08:11.000 Horse?

01:08:11.000 Uh-huh.

01:08:12.000 I mean, PCP started out as an anesthetic.

01:08:15.000 That was the idea for it.

01:08:17.000 But yeah, within like two hours of walking out of jail, I have my buddy videotaping me.

01:08:25.000 I'm jumping up and down on the roof of a parked car.

01:08:29.000 Screaming, God is the sun. 0.93

01:08:32.000 Whatever that means, you know?

01:08:35.000 And like, and like this...

01:08:37.000 And you so profound.

01:08:41.000 I've got it figured out, man!

01:08:43.000 Need the sun!

01:08:44.000 You need the sun for plants, dude!

01:08:47.000 And this squad of security guards comes over and, like, what's going on?

01:08:53.000 I mean, it's amazing that I didn't go right back into jail for another...

01:08:59.000 I have pockets full of drugs, you know?

01:09:01.000 And that bender lasted for, I don't know, maybe 24 hours. 1.00

01:09:06.000 And now I've got...

01:09:08.000 My three days is...

01:09:10.000 I've got one more day.

01:09:12.000 I've got to be out of the apartment.

01:09:13.000 So I send the mass email list.

01:09:15.000 I say, with all the jackass guys on it, but of course, 200 high-power people in Hollywood need to know this.

01:09:24.000 Hey, Knoxville and guys, I've got to be out of my apartment tomorrow. 0.99

01:09:29.000 And I'm not fucking leaving my apartment. 0.77

01:09:32.000 I don't want to fucking leave here until I jump out of my bedroom window. 0.98

01:09:36.000 You know, it should be like a 25-foot drop onto the sidewalk. 0.97

01:09:40.000 And I need you guys to bring something for me to land on, preferably a hot tub.

01:09:47.000 I wanted to put a hot tub and cannonball into it out of my bedroom window.

01:09:52.000 And in my sliding glass door in the living room, I could pull it open and I wanted to put a ramp in the living room and ride a motorcycle off the ramp through the sliding glass door and jump onto the roof of the gym. 0.97

01:10:05.000 Could you imagine if you owned an apartment building and this motherfucker rents a spot there? 0.99

01:10:09.000 Noxel makes fun of me about the sliding glass door because he's just like a three foot gap to the building next door. 0.97

01:10:15.000 That part was a gimme. 0.99

01:10:17.000 So I said, you guys come over and bring a fucking camera. 1.00

01:10:21.000 We're going to fucking start filming. 1.00

01:10:23.000 Like, Jackass 3. And like, you know, get over here. 0.98

01:10:26.000 Come on, man.

01:10:27.000 Before I leave, we're going to do my eviction party stunts.

01:10:30.000 And so basically, I scheduled my own intervention.

01:10:35.000 Knoxville reached out to Dr. Drew, who was on the list, the email list.

01:10:38.000 He's like, hey, Steve-O's about to die.

01:10:41.000 And Dr. Drew said, yeah, you're right. 0.99

01:10:44.000 He said, get over there and fucking, if you've got to tie him up, put him in the trunk. 1.00

01:10:48.000 Like, uh... 0.99

01:10:49.000 Take him to the hospital. 0.96

01:10:51.000 Oh, and the other part, I said, if you don't bring anything for me to land on, I'm fucking jumping anyway. 0.96

01:10:55.000 I promise. 0.99

01:10:56.000 I'm ready to die.

01:10:58.000 So they printed that up.

01:10:59.000 It was like me threatening my own life, which qualified me for the 5150 law, where you can lock someone into a psychiatric ward.

01:11:06.000 Wow.

01:11:07.000 So they came over.

01:11:12.000 It wasn't the kind of intervention where they ask, if you're willing to accept help, you know?

01:11:18.000 It's like, we're taking you to the psych ward.

01:11:21.000 This is what's gonna happen. 1.00

01:11:21.000 If you don't like it, we're gonna kick your ass and take you anyway. 1.00

01:11:24.000 So they take me to the psych ward for the 72-hour hold. 1.00

01:11:28.000 Which is like, you know, everybody's been on that.

01:11:31.000 Britney Spears are like, you know, the whole deal.

01:11:34.000 But the thing was, when we got there, I was like, spitting on people. 0.98

01:11:37.000 I was just like, not fucking cool. 0.99

01:11:39.000 And like, I was trying to like, throw shit around. 0.98

01:11:41.000 And, you know, like, I remember because I thought I was going to like, calmly explain that it was a misunderstanding and be out of there. 0.99

01:11:48.000 But what happened was they had the emails printed out where I'm saying, I'm ready to die.

01:11:54.000 And so they had me.

01:11:56.000 I wasn't talking my way out of it.

01:11:57.000 Once I realized I wasn't getting out of it, then... 0.99

01:12:01.000 I'm like, fuck, you know, I go to take a chair and throw it. 0.99

01:12:05.000 And I get fucking tackled by these orderly dudes, you know? 1.00

01:12:08.000 And they slam me onto this fucking stretcher bed thing with straps on it. 0.99

01:12:14.000 And someone jabs a needle in my butt cheek, and then I just straight took a nap. 1.00

01:12:20.000 Like, that Thor is eating shit, man. 1.00

01:12:22.000 Like, it was gnarly, man. 1.00

01:12:24.000 So they just held you down and whacked you with that stuff? 0.98

01:12:26.000 Yeah, they just held me down and fucking jammed it to my butt cheek, and I was out, dude. 0.98

01:12:29.000 And then I woke up from my nap, and I'm in... 0.96

01:12:33.000 It was so funny, too, because...

01:12:34.000 They tied down?

01:12:35.000 It was at Cedars-Sinai, the Thallians, you know? 1.00

01:12:38.000 What's that mean?

01:12:39.000 Thallians was just the mental health division or whatever.

01:12:44.000 So, like, they have...

01:12:47.000 They had two wings of the psych ward there.

01:12:50.000 They've got the standard issue, harmful to yourself or others, committed for the involuntary psychiatric hold.

01:12:58.000 Then they've got the The something else.

01:13:02.000 The extraordinarily, you know, like, the extraordinarily qualifying individuals, you know?

01:13:08.000 And that's you.

01:13:09.000 The something else wing.

01:13:10.000 Yeah.

01:13:11.000 So they had me on the something else wing.

01:13:13.000 Whoa.

01:13:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:13:15.000 And, like, my roommate was, like, fucking, like, hiding in the closet from, like, fucking... 1.00

01:13:20.000 Demons. 1.00

01:13:21.000 Oh, dude.

01:13:21.000 It was...

01:13:22.000 I mean, I had been hearing voices for, like, a couple years, you know?

01:13:26.000 Like...

01:13:27.000 Yeah.

01:13:30.000 But nothing like this guy.

01:13:32.000 What did the voices say?

01:13:34.000 Steve-O, you're the best!

01:13:35.000 Take two of yourself on your back!

01:13:39.000 I had angels and demons, you know? 1.00

01:13:41.000 Like, some of them would tell me, like, you're worthless, you need to die. 0.98

01:13:44.000 And I would be, like, trying to suffocate myself to death, you know? 1.00

01:13:48.000 Really?

01:13:48.000 Well, yeah, I mean, not, like, with anything.

01:13:50.000 I'm just holding my breath.

01:13:53.000 So non-committal.

01:13:54.000 Well, no, man.

01:13:55.000 That was, like, a...

01:13:57.000 Well, right, right.

01:13:59.000 You're right.

01:13:59.000 But the whole thing was I was hearing voices because I was huffing so much nitrous oxide.

01:14:05.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:14:06.000 While you were doing ketamine?

01:14:08.000 While I was doing cocaine.

01:14:09.000 I need to smoke this joint. 0.99

01:14:10.000 Just fucking relax. 0.99

01:14:11.000 I can't with you in the room. 0.99

01:14:15.000 I know.

01:14:16.000 You make me feel so much better about myself.

01:14:18.000 I used to watch interventions so that I could feel better about myself.

01:14:26.000 I'm worried about your health more than I'm worried about you overdosing.

01:14:31.000 It's a slow deterioration of your fiber.

01:14:36.000 Like the stuff that keeps you together.

01:14:38.000 You're talking to me or him?

01:14:39.000 I'm fine now.

01:14:40.000 I feel great now.

01:14:42.000 I feel like I just worked out after talking to Steve.

01:14:44.000 You just had some new grass juice and a yoga class. 1.00

01:14:46.000 I had to feel like a kale coming out my ass. 0.99

01:14:50.000 Yeah, I mean, but whatever, like they said something else word like people are like that not people one guy I remember one guy like shit on the fucking ground and was like breakdancing in it like trying to like I mean, it sounds like I'm making it up. 0.99

01:15:06.000 I swear I'm not, dude. 0.94

01:15:07.000 His goal was to, like, smear it around and spread it around as much as he could.

01:15:11.000 And this is in the room with you?

01:15:13.000 No, no, that was in the hallway.

01:15:14.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:15:16.000 That was in the hallway.

01:15:16.000 It was another dude.

01:15:17.000 He's breakdancing on his own shit. 1.00

01:15:19.000 Dude, I mean, it looked like he was breakdancing, but he was, like, he took his shit and he was trying to smear it around as much as he could, and so it just looked like he was breakdancing. 1.00

01:15:28.000 Oh my God. 0.99

01:15:29.000 And they had me in there, and because I was so...

01:15:35.000 Because I was so belligerent.

01:15:38.000 I was so belligerent that they changed my status from 5150 to 5250, which meant 5150 is three days, 5250 is two weeks.

01:15:49.000 So they had me for two weeks.

01:15:51.000 And after four days, then they moved me over to the regular psych ward.

01:15:56.000 And I was in there, and...

01:15:59.000 This guy who says he's a heroin addict, and he's a patient, and he's got this book about alcoholism.

01:16:08.000 And he's like, dude, this book can really help you.

01:16:12.000 You need this book. 0.99

01:16:13.000 And I'm like, why is a fucking heroin addict giving me a book about alcoholism when we're both on suicide watch in a psych ward? 0.99

01:16:23.000 What's the deal? 0.99

01:16:24.000 And I was like, at the point, I'm like, dude, I can't.

01:16:27.000 I can't get sober.

01:16:28.000 I couldn't.

01:16:29.000 I honestly felt like, not even felt like, I mean, just core belief.

01:16:35.000 If I could have ever gotten sober, I was past that point.

01:16:40.000 I was too far down the line.

01:16:41.000 I was a write-off, a lost cause. 0.99

01:16:45.000 From the fucking first time I was in rehab, there's no chance. 0.99

01:16:50.000 One night, I couldn't sleep. 1.00

01:16:52.000 I just opened this fucking stupid book. 1.00

01:16:54.000 Not to find a solution, but straight up to kill time. 1.00

01:16:58.000 That's all I'm trying to do.

01:16:59.000 I'm reading it, and it's talking about...

01:17:02.000 You know, like, hopeless alcoholics determined to die, and this and that, and then, like, they become, like, you know, they get better or whatever, you know, they become, like, the finest men you could meet. 0.86

01:17:12.000 And I'm like, just remember reading and thinking, like, dude, what it's saying is, like, that the more hopeless, the more fucked up you are, the better the chance is for recovery, which is actually great. 0.94

01:17:22.000 Really? 0.97

01:17:23.000 Fully.

01:17:24.000 Fully.

01:17:24.000 Why is that?

01:17:24.000 Because if you have, like, any inkling that, like, you can manage it, that you could get better, that you could stop on your own, then you're just straight up not a candidate.

01:17:32.000 So that's the rock bottom theory?

01:17:34.000 Pretty much.

01:17:35.000 And it's true. 0.56

01:17:36.000 If you feel like you got it or it's not that big of a deal.

01:17:41.000 That's Brian.

01:17:43.000 Right, right.

01:17:44.000 That's Brian. 1.00

01:17:44.000 He's fucked. 1.00

01:17:45.000 I mean, like, step one. 1.00

01:17:46.000 We admitted we were powerless over alcohol.

01:17:48.000 Or drugs or whatever the case may be.

01:17:51.000 And that I successfully did.

01:17:54.000 I can't do it. 0.97

01:17:56.000 I'm fucking powerless. 0.99

01:17:57.000 And so that's the first step. 0.99

01:17:58.000 That's the prerequisite.

01:18:00.000 And so it's like, I don't know. 0.76

01:18:01.000 And then these guys come in and talk about alcoholism, and I wouldn't have fucking ever listened to a word they said, but I was locked up in a psych ward, and so I did.

01:18:10.000 And I'm like, you know, thinking there's nothing I could do about it, but they told their stories and how they lived and I'm like, oh, well these guys can do it, you know? 0.99

01:18:18.000 And so I was just like, my life is a fucking mess. 0.99

01:18:21.000 I was in the psych ward long enough to be like, okay, my life's a fucking mess. 0.99

01:18:25.000 It's time. 0.98

01:18:26.000 And I went to rehab and, you know, like...

01:18:27.000 And so you've been clean from then on?

01:18:29.000 Seven and a half years.

01:18:30.000 Just from that moment on?

01:18:32.000 From the psych ward on?

01:18:33.000 Yep.

01:18:34.000 Wow.

01:18:34.000 And has there been any moments where you attempted to go off the wagon?

01:18:38.000 I mean, sure, but I went from there, door to door, into a rehab.

01:18:46.000 And I remember, because I knew from back in the day, the whole 95% of alcoholics don't get sober, the guy who was in charge of the rehab, and back then it was Dr. Drew.

01:18:58.000 He was the chemical dependency director of this hospital in Pasadena.

01:19:04.000 It's a nice place to go, Pasadena.

01:19:06.000 Yeah, and I told Drew, I said, hey man, I'm fresh out of the psych ward. 0.99

01:19:11.000 I was such a fucking character. 0.98

01:19:15.000 And I'm like, dude, I know that the odds are not in my fucking favor. 0.99

01:19:21.000 I don't want to waste my time. 0.86

01:19:23.000 If I'm going to do this, I want to get it right.

01:19:24.000 So I told Drew, however long you recommend that I... That I stay here, I want to stay significantly longer because I want to give myself an advantage.

01:19:36.000 He said, that's great, but don't stay here more than 30 days.

01:19:39.000 If you're really serious, go into a sober living, like a halfway house kind of a deal.

01:19:43.000 And so I did, man. 0.99

01:19:45.000 I did everything those fucking people told me. 1.00

01:19:46.000 I did all the fucking recovery shit that they talk about. 1.00

01:19:51.000 I did it all And I went into that fucking sober living and I stayed there until I had two full years of sobriety. 1.00

01:19:59.000 You stayed in sober living for two years? 0.99

01:20:01.000 Well, I was bouncing around treatment for six months.

01:20:07.000 Because I was having a tough time with it. 1.00

01:20:09.000 I just stayed in fucking treatment. 0.99

01:20:10.000 When you say bouncing around treatment. 1.00

01:20:12.000 Well, I did 30 days there.

01:20:14.000 Then I went into a sober living that doubled.

01:20:17.000 It was sort of mid-level care.

01:20:19.000 So I was free to go at night as long as I was home by curfew.

01:20:23.000 But all day long, we had all of our little groups and structured rehab activities. 0.99

01:20:29.000 How much does all this shit cost? 1.00

01:20:31.000 It's got to be stupid expensive. 1.00

01:20:32.000 It was stupid. 1.00

01:20:33.000 The 30 days was like $100,000. 1.00

01:20:35.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:20:36.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:20:37.000 And I didn't even necessarily know that. 1.00

01:20:40.000 So how did you pay for all this?

01:20:41.000 I paid for it with my own money.

01:20:43.000 Oh my god.

01:20:44.000 So you're just burning through your savings while you're in there.

01:20:46.000 Burning through savings, yeah.

01:20:47.000 Big time.

01:20:48.000 Oh my god.

01:20:49.000 So six months and then two years. 0.99

01:20:50.000 It's better than the fucking $300,000 I spent on fucking suing my family. 1.00

01:20:55.000 These fucking people I knew I was going to get nothing out of. 1.00

01:20:58.000 You spent 300 grand suing people that you knew you were going to get nothing out of? 1.00

01:21:02.000 I got my back catalog.

01:21:03.000 These guys that I had a distribution deal with.

01:21:06.000 I got my back catalog of DVDs, but whatever.

01:21:09.000 That's not worth anything anymore.

01:21:11.000 It was just a straight resentment.

01:21:12.000 Oh, I see. 1.00

01:21:13.000 I just wanted to fuck their lives up. 1.00

01:21:16.000 Yeah, I know that. 0.99

01:21:17.000 And I did it, but it cost me 300 grand.

01:21:19.000 Rehab was a better investment.

01:21:21.000 Yeah.

01:21:23.000 So while you're in there, are you working?

01:21:26.000 Hell no. 0.99

01:21:27.000 I had fucking burned all my bridges, man. 1.00

01:21:29.000 We weren't doing anything with Jackass. 0.99

01:21:31.000 And anything else I had going on, I had a TV show which really did well in the ratings, but I was such a fucking nightmare that they canceled it just on the grounds that they did not want to fuck with me. 0.99

01:21:42.000 Wow. 0.98

01:21:43.000 I had the spot right after Monday Night Raw, the wrestling on the USA Network.

01:21:48.000 Wow. 0.92

01:21:49.000 I came on immediately after and I kept like a fucking whopping percentage of their viewership. 0.92

01:21:54.000 What was the name of the show? 0.91

01:21:55.000 Dr. Stevo. 1.00

01:21:57.000 I went around in a fucking modified ambulance with a hot chick and a fucking 365 pound black football player driver dude. 1.00

01:22:08.000 Just trying to de-wussify America one wussy at a time. 1.00

01:22:12.000 What were you trying to get them to do?

01:22:14.000 I would accept submissions where people would be like, Dr. Stevo, I need your help.

01:22:18.000 I'm a wussy.

01:22:19.000 This is my unique case. 1.00

01:22:21.000 And I would prescribe for them some kind of outrageous jackass bullshit to make them come out of their shell. 0.99

01:22:27.000 It was good, man. 0.99

01:22:29.000 I did a great job.

01:22:30.000 Problem was, as soon as the camera stopped rolling, I fell off of the radar.

01:22:34.000 Except for my...

01:22:35.000 It was with Buena Memori, the production company.

01:22:42.000 I started openly attacking...

01:22:46.000 John Murray.

01:22:47.000 Why?

01:22:49.000 For 200 people. 1.00

01:22:51.000 Nah, fuck. 1.00

01:22:52.000 Because he wouldn't pay somebody, one of my buddies, something I wanted them to get paid for. 1.00

01:22:57.000 Which they weren't obligated to fucking pay in the first place, but I'm trying to ruin his reputation with all these on my fucking crazy email list. 0.98

01:23:07.000 And that was what killed the show, despite the fact that it was number one in its fucking time slot. 0.99

01:23:13.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:23:15.000 So I didn't have that fucking, to get to distract me from my recovery. 0.96

01:23:20.000 So you are doing, you're just doing nothing but recovery. 0.98

01:23:23.000 I was doing nothing but recovery.

01:23:24.000 So how do you spend your days, like, when you're doing that? 0.99

01:23:26.000 Um, well, I mean, when you're in rehab, rehab, like, you got, like, fucking structured shit all day long. 0.99

01:23:33.000 Like, what does that mean? 0.99

01:23:34.000 Like, what do you do? 0.94

01:23:35.000 I mean, like, different kind of groups, like, uh, they take you out to various kinds of meetings, you know, like, um, You got, like, fucking little therapy bits, like, you know, whatever. 0.89

01:23:47.000 It's basically like summer camp. 0.51

01:23:48.000 It's just everything is geared towards teaching you how to stay sober.

01:23:52.000 All day long?

01:23:54.000 Yeah.

01:23:54.000 Well, how much can they teach you about staying sober?

01:23:57.000 I'm confused.

01:23:58.000 There's a lot.

01:24:00.000 I mean, a lot of it's redundant.

01:24:02.000 Yeah, but it's going on for two years.

01:24:04.000 Oh, no, no.

01:24:05.000 I'm talking about the first 30 days.

01:24:08.000 I'm talking about the first 30 days.

01:24:09.000 So the first 30 days is teaching you coping mechanisms, what to do.

01:24:13.000 Yeah, and mostly just sort of keeping you in a safe environment is really what it is.

01:24:16.000 Keeping you occupied and drilling into your head that you can do this.

01:24:21.000 Right. 0.75

01:24:23.000 30 days isn't going to do shit for anybody because it's such a slow process. 0.99

01:24:28.000 It was great for me to stay in that environment for two years because then I'm an undisciplined motherfucker. 0.99

01:24:38.000 By the end of it, I was so used to being up by 9am with my bed made, pissing into fucking plastic cups at random twice a week. 0.99

01:24:48.000 Scrubbing the toilet when it's my turn to scrub the toilet. 0.99

01:24:51.000 Keeping everything...

01:24:52.000 And I did that when I'm filming Jackass 3D. I'm like, oh yeah, I gotta go fucking get launched into the fucking sky in a port-a-potty full of dog shit. 1.00

01:25:02.000 I might be a little bit late for curfew tonight. 1.00

01:25:05.000 Or whatever.

01:25:08.000 What's curfew?

01:25:09.000 What time?

01:25:09.000 On the weekdays, it was...

01:25:14.000 10?

01:25:15.000 And then on the weekends, it was 11 or 12. What?

01:25:20.000 Or maybe not.

01:25:21.000 I think it was 11 on the weekdays and 12 on the weekends.

01:25:24.000 I think it's hilarious that after a certain time of night, they think you're just going to get wacky.

01:25:29.000 Well, I mean, whatever.

01:25:30.000 You can't stay up.

01:25:31.000 You can't go to a diner.

01:25:32.000 You know what, dude?

01:25:33.000 It saved my life, man. 0.99

01:25:34.000 It fucking saved my life big time. 0.98

01:25:36.000 And I'm so fucking stoked about it. 0.95

01:25:37.000 So just the schedule, the rigid schedule, the routine? 0.84

01:25:43.000 Yeah, the structure, man.

01:25:44.000 Did you enjoy it in there?

01:25:46.000 Did you have fun?

01:25:47.000 Did you meet nice people?

01:25:49.000 I mean, I remember it pretty well. 0.95

01:25:52.000 My roommate was cool, and he snored, which was the fucking greatest thing ever, because I knew when it was cool to jack off, you know? 0.98

01:26:02.000 You know, it's like the sweet sounds of snoring. 0.98

01:26:05.000 You know, because it's like awkward jacking up with a guy in the room.

01:26:07.000 But if he's snoring, it's totally cool.

01:26:09.000 Right.

01:26:10.000 Yeah.

01:26:10.000 And so that helped a lot, man.

01:26:12.000 He wanted to do his fake snoring with one eye open, watching you beat up, and he's joining him. 0.99

01:26:17.000 In the middle of you jerking off and hearing him moaning. 0.99

01:26:24.000 Yeah, dude, that was fine, man. 0.97

01:26:24.000 Like, I mean, that helped a lot. 0.97

01:26:26.000 If he didn't snore, I would have...

01:26:28.000 Had a tougher time, you know?

01:26:30.000 So, are you allowed to have relationships where you're in there?

01:26:32.000 Are you supposed to, like, stare clear of anything that can sort of distract you?

01:26:36.000 I mean, there's no, like, hard and fast rule about that.

01:26:39.000 Like, they say, like, avoid getting in a relationship in your first year.

01:26:42.000 Your first year?

01:26:44.000 Yeah, I got into a relationship.

01:26:46.000 I mean, I, like...

01:26:47.000 What if you find, like, the perfect girl? 0.97

01:26:50.000 Yeah, I mean, it happens. 1.00

01:26:51.000 Sorry, bitch. 1.00

01:26:52.000 Working on my sobriety. 1.00

01:26:53.000 Right, it happens, you know? 0.95

01:26:55.000 But, like, there's just not, like, you know, like, relationships gone sideways is, like, the number one fucking thing that makes people get loaded, you know? 0.92

01:27:02.000 Oh, right.

01:27:02.000 That makes sense.

01:27:03.000 Yeah, so it's good to, like, kind of, like, you know, just worry about, you know, your sobriety.

01:27:10.000 But I had seven months, and I got in a relationship with a chick who had, like, one year. 1.00

01:27:15.000 And it was cool, you know?

01:27:16.000 Like, we were, like, it lasted for, like, ten months.

01:27:20.000 So when you're in there, you're in there for 30 days, this is the hardcore version, and then you go from the 30 days to a living situation?

01:27:28.000 Uh-huh.

01:27:29.000 And now, is that like a house?

01:27:31.000 How does that work?

01:27:32.000 It was like an apartment complex at that point.

01:27:35.000 So you got your own apartment then?

01:27:37.000 Yeah, but I had...

01:27:38.000 No skate park.

01:27:39.000 No, no skate park.

01:27:40.000 Yeah, like, that was my thing. 0.91

01:27:42.000 I was like, man, I used to have fucking four apartments in one building. 0.84

01:27:45.000 Now I got four dudes in one apartment. 1.00

01:27:47.000 So you had to live with other people in your apartment.

01:27:50.000 Yeah, I had a roommate and, you know, there's a two-bedroom apartment and two guys in each room.

01:27:54.000 What?

01:27:55.000 Yeah, and that was the deal.

01:27:56.000 Why is that the deal? 0.99

01:27:57.000 Because they want to make sure you're not alone by yourself where you can do devious shit? 0.99

01:28:01.000 I guess. 0.99

01:28:01.000 I mean, like, perhaps, you know, I guess that's kind of the deal. 0.99

01:28:06.000 But now what happened there, and we would have groups from 8 or 9 in the morning until 2 in the afternoon, and then you're free to go. 0.83

01:28:13.000 And I would be skateboarding or whatever, trying to film some wacky shit or whatever.

01:28:19.000 I didn't do much in a professional sense. 0.99

01:28:24.000 And I was working on all this 12-step shit. 0.98

01:28:29.000 So I would do the... 0.99

01:28:32.000 The searching and fearless moral inventory, where we go through, basically, what have we done that we feel... 0.89

01:28:40.000 We make a list of resentments, we make a list of fears, and we make a list of shit we feel guilty about. 0.95

01:28:46.000 That's basically how it works. 0.99

01:28:48.000 I started off with just the shit I felt guilty about. 0.98

01:28:52.000 I just basically wrote a list of the shit that I felt the most terrible about. 0.97

01:29:00.000 If anyone's in recovery, avoid making this mistake. 0.95

01:29:05.000 I treated it like I was just...

01:29:07.000 Putting myself on trial for being a bad person.

01:29:11.000 The whole point is just to figure out what...

01:29:14.000 And you take an inventory, and you discard what's not helpful, and you keep what is. 0.95

01:29:20.000 You discontinue shit that doesn't serve you. 0.99

01:29:22.000 But I'm like, no, I'm a terrible person. 0.99

01:29:25.000 I did this, and this, and this, and this. 1.00

01:29:26.000 And then I'm like, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:29:29.000 I went into a gnarly depression and felt like I don't deserve to live. 1.00

01:29:36.000 I checked myself into psych ward number two.

01:29:39.000 While you were in recovery.

01:29:41.000 Because you were going over.

01:29:43.000 I had three months of sobriety and I went to one of my meetings. 0.98

01:29:47.000 All the work I'm putting into my fucking recovery All I feel like I'm getting out of it is self-hatred. 0.99

01:29:54.000 I feel like I just can't forgive myself for the shit I've done. 0.99

01:29:57.000 I fucking hate myself, you know? 0.99

01:29:59.000 And this all came about from just doing an inventory on your past? 0.99

01:30:02.000 Pretty much, yeah.

01:30:03.000 Wow. 1.00

01:30:04.000 And it says in some of the literature, man, it says that the inventory process will bring about self-loathing for a lot of people when we take an honest look at the fucking pieces of shit that we became. 1.00

01:30:18.000 That's not an uncommon side effect. 0.99

01:30:21.000 So what sort of tools do they give you to look at your past but not be angry at yourself, not judge yourself?

01:30:29.000 Well, I mean, I don't know.

01:30:32.000 When I'm helping guys get sober, I try and tell them, look, man, this isn't a process of putting you on trial, man. 0.94

01:30:38.000 This is just fucking figuring out what to stop doing. 0.95

01:30:42.000 And that's the best thing I can say about it. 0.98

01:30:44.000 But when I was in that second psych ward, like... 0.81

01:30:49.000 I wrote some letters to people who have felt the most fucked up about what I'd done. 0.94

01:30:53.000 And it actually kind of turned around where I was like, today I'm fucking so thankful for the shit that I did that I felt that bad about because no longer is it like, oh, I don't deserve to live because I did that. 0.99

01:31:10.000 For me today, I'm desperate to not be that asshole anymore. 0.99

01:31:17.000 When I first went in, I thought, man, this is going to be my new thing. 0.99

01:31:22.000 I'm going to get sober.

01:31:23.000 The world's going to owe me.

01:31:26.000 I'm going to revive my career a little bit. 0.71

01:31:27.000 But once I got through that point of The fucking, you know, the dust settling and me being able to, me being confronted with what I had turned into, then it wasn't even about what can I get out of it, 0.82

01:31:43.000 you know? 0.99

01:31:43.000 It was just about, I don't want to be that fucking guy anymore. 0.99

01:31:46.000 And so I came out of that second rehab, or that second psych ward, and I was so desperate to not be that fucking piece of shit anymore. 1.00

01:31:53.000 And I was like, dude, I'm starting over. 1.00

01:31:55.000 And I went into the fucking, like, I went into another rehab, like the fucking, like the hardcore, you know? 0.98

01:32:00.000 And I was just like, I'm doing this... 0.99

01:32:03.000 I had my priorities straight.

01:32:06.000 And then I was there for 60 days.

01:32:10.000 By the time I finished that, it was six months.

01:32:12.000 And then I went into the regular sober living. 0.99

01:32:14.000 So there's a lot of fucking money you're spending here. 0.98

01:32:17.000 Yeah, the last rehab was $7,500 per month. 0.99

01:32:23.000 But yeah, it was like $30,000 that second rehab.

01:32:29.000 I don't remember the second psych ward.

01:32:31.000 I spent a lot of money on it, man.

01:32:33.000 What did the guys that you were in the apartment with, what did those guys do for a living that they could afford to live in this shack?

01:32:39.000 I paid the rent and I paid them each like a thousand bucks a month to do nothing.

01:32:45.000 Why'd you pay him money?

01:32:46.000 For what?

01:32:47.000 Well, one guy just said that he was on call to edit whatever footage that I wanted edited to help me broadcast my downward spiral, basically.

01:32:59.000 I put some really upsetting videos out there.

01:33:02.000 So the people that you were living in the assisted situation, this is post the major rehab, right?

01:33:08.000 You were in the major rehab for 30 days, and then you were in the apartment.

01:33:11.000 Right.

01:33:11.000 There's different levels of rehab.

01:33:16.000 Yeah, and I wound up, like, back in...

01:33:19.000 Yeah, I mean, I was in the whole deal.

01:33:20.000 At one point, I was in the house for a while, sharing a bedroom with the guy who snored.

01:33:25.000 And, you know, at the end, I was in the apartment.

01:33:28.000 But it was all the same deal.

01:33:30.000 And what did these guys do for a living that they could afford to, like, take all this time off of life, too?

01:33:34.000 The sober living situation was like...

01:33:37.000 You know, like, that was, like, $1,000 a month.

01:33:40.000 And that, you know...

01:33:42.000 Covers like your meals as well.

01:33:45.000 Oh, okay.

01:33:45.000 So it's kind of more cost-effective than if you're gonna try and find an apartment or anything like that.

01:33:49.000 And in the sober living situation, it's like these guys work during the day and they would come there and stay with you?

01:33:55.000 Yeah, if you don't work, you have to do a certain number of hours of service work.

01:34:00.000 So I would volunteer at a nursing home.

01:34:03.000 Whoa.

01:34:04.000 Yeah.

01:34:05.000 It was dope, man. 0.97

01:34:07.000 I'd go fucking hang out with old people and I'd call the bingo numbers. 1.00

01:34:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:34:15.000 And then I would go and fucking film a movie for Paramount. 0.99

01:34:21.000 I'd be like, hey guys, I'm not going to be able to call bingo tomorrow because I'm going to be drinking a fat guy's sweat. 0.98

01:34:31.000 So when did it feel like you were free of the monkey?

01:34:35.000 When was the monkey off your back?

01:34:37.000 Well, you're never free of the monkey.

01:34:38.000 Never.

01:34:39.000 Right now you're not free.

01:34:40.000 I mean, whatever.

01:34:43.000 I just have a way that I live my life, you know, that I still stay connected.

01:34:50.000 It's like a fridge, man.

01:34:51.000 If you unplug the fridge, then everything in it's going to go rotten, you know?

01:34:56.000 You gotta stay plugged in, which means that these things that we do to stay sober, you just keep doing them.

01:35:03.000 What kind of things?

01:35:04.000 Well, helping other people stay sober is the biggest thing.

01:35:08.000 You take people through their 12 steps.

01:35:12.000 And who are these people that you take through?

01:35:13.000 Do you know them?

01:35:14.000 I mean, whatever.

01:35:15.000 You meet them in the community.

01:35:19.000 They'll ask you, will you be my sponsor?

01:35:22.000 And so when you have a sponsor, they call you up in the middle of the night, hey, I'm thinking about doing heroin, like that kind of thing, talk them down.

01:35:28.000 That is the idea.

01:35:29.000 It's better to call before you do it than after.

01:35:32.000 Right.

01:35:32.000 Because there's no point in talking to a loaded dude.

01:35:35.000 And how often do you do this?

01:35:36.000 How often do you work with people?

01:35:38.000 I mean, it depends.

01:35:40.000 Most guys aren't that active where they actually really call a lot, but I'm always starting a guy.

01:35:48.000 There's always guys I'm starting off, and just very few of them stick with it.

01:35:56.000 The guys I've taken all the way through the steps, there's been two.

01:36:01.000 Two out of how many?

01:36:03.000 Oh my god, well over a hundred.

01:36:06.000 So out of a hundred people, two of them have become totally sober.

01:36:09.000 I mean, they've been like...

01:36:13.000 To say totally sober, I mean, you're totally sober as long as you're not loaded.

01:36:17.000 Right, I mean, totally sober like you are right now.

01:36:20.000 Like, you're not doing any drugs, you have no plan.

01:36:22.000 One guy got all the way through the steps, but then he's drinking again, so, you know.

01:36:27.000 I got one guy that's been all the way through the steps that's still in.

01:36:31.000 Do you think, are you one of those people who thinks that if you were a junkie, that you have to be sober forever?

01:36:37.000 Like, you can't go back to, like, say if you had a heroin problem, you can't drink.

01:36:43.000 They say once you become a pickle, you never go back to being a cucumber. 0.99

01:36:49.000 So yeah, like, there's no, if I pick up a drink or a drug, I'm fucked. 0.98

01:36:54.000 I'll pick up exactly where I left off. 0.98

01:36:57.000 And then all I want is to make sure I'm doing enough drugs that people are walking around my fucking apartment, my house, who are not actually there. 0.98

01:37:07.000 But I know people that used to be like heroin addicts that can have beer, they can smoke a little weed. 0.98

01:37:13.000 Yeah, they can get away with it, man, then power to them.

01:37:15.000 It's dangerous to even try.

01:37:17.000 Why is it dangerous, though?

01:37:19.000 I mean, if they're free of it, like, okay, here's a perfect example.

01:37:22.000 Anthony Bourdain.

01:37:23.000 He was a heroin addict. 0.99

01:37:25.000 He was a junkie, full on. 0.96

01:37:26.000 He still likes to have a beer.

01:37:28.000 He likes to drink, doesn't drink at home.

01:37:29.000 Perry Farrell, I think, is like that.

01:37:31.000 You know, he can't have heroin, but he drinks wine or whatever.

01:37:34.000 Hey, man, power to him.

01:37:35.000 But for me, I come from a long line of alcoholics, man.

01:37:39.000 The way that my family is structured, or my lineage.

01:37:44.000 Dad broke the mold of his family.

01:37:47.000 Dad comes from a line of academics, PhDs, scholars, theologians, zoologists, and he broke the mold of his family.

01:37:59.000 By becoming a businessman and a super successful one at that. 0.86

01:38:03.000 Mom's side of the family, everybody is alcoholic, drug addict, gambler, suicide. 0.99

01:38:10.000 How'd your mom and dad meet?

01:38:12.000 Partying.

01:38:13.000 She was super hot, you know? 0.99

01:38:15.000 But yeah, so everybody in my mom's side of the family is either dead or dying from alcoholism.

01:38:23.000 I would say, I mean, my cousins, I guess.

01:38:25.000 I don't know.

01:38:26.000 My one cousin's a mortician.

01:38:29.000 Whoa.

01:38:30.000 That's a drug in and of itself. 0.92

01:38:32.000 I went to clown college. 0.80

01:38:32.000 He went to mortician school at the same time. 0.80

01:38:36.000 What's Clown College?

01:38:37.000 Ringling Brothers and Barnum Belly Clown College.

01:38:40.000 For real?

01:38:40.000 Yeah.

01:38:40.000 What do you do?

01:38:42.000 This is an exploding shoe.

01:38:45.000 Well, like I said, I left the University of Miami.

01:38:48.000 I wanted to become a crazy stuntman.

01:38:50.000 Right.

01:38:51.000 And all I really accomplished with that, even with all my crazy skills with drinking bong water, I couldn't get a job. 0.93

01:38:59.000 And so I was just homeless for three years, just getting arrested and fucking hospitalized. 0.73

01:39:04.000 You were homeless for three years? 0.97

01:39:06.000 Well, I was couch surfing for three years.

01:39:08.000 I had the government test drugs on me for money.

01:39:12.000 What?

01:39:13.000 They do medical studies for whatever.

01:39:19.000 If it's going to come in contact with the human body, like if it's a toothpaste or something, they've got to do a medical study. 0.99

01:39:24.000 But if it's a toothpaste, then you're not going to get paid shit. 1.00

01:39:27.000 If it's fucking drugs for pigs and cows, then you're going to get it. 1.00

01:39:31.000 Based on how dangerous the study is, The more money you get. 1.00

01:39:35.000 So I signed up to have drugs for pigs and cows tested on me.

01:39:42.000 Which I recently found out the drug was banned. 0.99

01:39:45.000 Jesus fucking Christ, dude. 0.99

01:39:47.000 Yeah, because this was in January of 94. You're like a house that you get to the back, like, whoa, that's the last door. 0.99

01:39:56.000 Hold on, what's that over there?

01:39:58.000 Open that.

01:39:59.000 Oh, jeez, there's a whole other house in here.

01:40:02.000 Yeah, it was like, they want 1994, like whatever, January of 94. And they wanted to pass this drug through the FDA called ractopamine hydrochloride.

01:40:16.000 And the goal of that...

01:40:18.000 They didn't know much about it except they knew they would make the cattle...

01:40:22.000 More lean.

01:40:23.000 It would increase the muscle mass, decrease the fat, but it would work the opposite way of steroids somehow.

01:40:31.000 It was so that they could appeal to a more health conscious market.

01:40:36.000 They could sell leaner meat, less fat.

01:40:39.000 But the thing is that if it's going to become legal, then by the virtue of the fact that when people eat the meat, They're going to get a minute trace of this drug in the meat.

01:40:49.000 Now they have to not only test the drug on people, but they have to test how much can the people withstand of that drug.

01:40:57.000 Oh my god! 0.99

01:40:58.000 This is fucking terrifying! 0.99

01:41:00.000 They knew that it was going to increase our heart rates. 0.98

01:41:04.000 And so the target for this study was to give it to us until...

01:41:10.000 Somebody in the study had their resting heart rate, laying down resting 150 beats a minute. 0.97

01:41:18.000 And it turned out that I had the fucking most badass heart in the study. 0.63

01:41:22.000 The only time I went over 100 was when the guy monitoring my heart with the ultrasound thing, you know, they show the baby on the screen. 0.99

01:41:32.000 He was telling me stories about killing people in Vietnam or some shit. 0.98

01:41:37.000 What? 0.99

01:41:41.000 Yeah, it was telling me war stories, and that got my heart.

01:41:47.000 What kind of stories was he telling you?

01:41:49.000 I can't remember.

01:41:50.000 He was in the war, and he killed people.

01:41:52.000 He's telling you while he's doing an ultrasound in your heart? 1.00

01:41:54.000 I could kill you right now. 1.00

01:41:57.000 I'll kill people. 1.00

01:41:58.000 The same guy, when he was looking at it, it showed your blood going in your heart, red and coming out of your heart, blue, on the screen. 1.00

01:42:05.000 It was really fucking cool. 0.91

01:42:07.000 And I just had a strong heart. 0.98

01:42:10.000 He said, man, what a squeeze.

01:42:14.000 What a squeeze.

01:42:15.000 What a squeeze.

01:42:16.000 So it's just gone through a lot.

01:42:17.000 Strengthened it.

01:42:18.000 Yeah, and I was homeless anyway.

01:42:21.000 They gave you 2,000 bucks?

01:42:22.000 Dude, I did that in Austin, Texas, too.

01:42:24.000 Oh, yeah?

01:42:25.000 Yeah, that was in Austin, Texas at this place called Pharmaco LSR. You know, I told you I got in the van with that guy, and we drove out to Northern California to Lake Tahoe to try and get jobs washing dishes at Squaw Valley to get free snowboard passes.

01:42:39.000 But it wasn't snowing so then we went to fucking Colorado and I got a job like cleaning a meat room at a supermarket and that sucked so I got one with this other dude and drove to Austin, Texas and slept on a roof until we got into the medical study and then we left with two grand.

01:42:55.000 And we were stoked. 0.97

01:42:57.000 And then I wound up getting a car and following the Grateful Dead and selling drugs.

01:43:01.000 Jesus Christ.

01:43:02.000 And I was homeless for like three years. 1.00

01:43:05.000 And periodically I'd get my hands on cameras and do really fucked up shit. 0.99

01:43:09.000 I was getting video footage. 0.99

01:43:11.000 But ultimately, I just fucking was really bummed, dude. 0.95

01:43:16.000 After three years, I couldn't take anymore. 0.93

01:43:18.000 And I reached out to my sister.

01:43:20.000 And she let me move in with her in Albuquerque.

01:43:22.000 And I was like... 0.96

01:43:24.000 I would eat all her food, and I wouldn't fucking work, and I had no money, and if I did have money, I was loaded, and I was loud. 0.98

01:43:30.000 So when my sister found out about Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Billy Clown College, she's like, dude, this could be the way to get my brother the fuck out of my house. 0.99

01:43:40.000 She told me about it.

01:43:42.000 I got home, and she's like, how are you getting to Denver by Monday? 0.98

01:43:45.000 And I hitchhiked from Albuquerque to Denver, and I got there in two rides, and just fucking went apeshit.

01:43:52.000 Have you written a book? 0.79

01:43:53.000 Uh-huh.

01:43:53.000 Okay.

01:43:54.000 Is this all in the book?

01:43:55.000 Totally, dude.

01:43:56.000 My book's like, it barely made the New York Times bestseller list.

01:44:00.000 But that's because you didn't come on here first.

01:44:02.000 Probably, yeah. 0.99

01:44:03.000 Dude, if people had heard these fucking stories and knew that they were in the book, oh my god. 0.98

01:44:08.000 It barely made the New York Times bestseller list, but what I'm most proud of, my book is my masterpiece, man. 0.98

01:44:14.000 On Amazon, The cumulative average rating is a full 5 out of 5 stars. 0.65

01:44:22.000 There's no fucking partial stars. 0.99

01:44:24.000 Even people who hate me and want to hate my book, give it a fucking 5 star. 0.99

01:44:27.000 Did you write it yourself? 0.96

01:44:28.000 I worked with a writer on it, but I don't think anybody has been more involved in the collaboration.

01:44:34.000 That's awesome. 0.99

01:44:35.000 We bounced all that shit back and forth. 0.98

01:44:37.000 I'm like, dude, I would never use that word. 1.00

01:44:40.000 I worked my dick off on that fucking book. 1.00

01:44:43.000 Your story's fucking insane. 1.00

01:44:45.000 It's like it just has layers upon layers upon layers. 1.00

01:44:48.000 Well, thanks, man.

01:44:49.000 You know? 0.99

01:44:49.000 And that's kind of like what's dope about the fucking comedy show, man. 0.99

01:44:55.000 I'm just really bummed to retire my shit, you know? 0.99

01:44:58.000 How are you retiring it? 0.99

01:44:59.000 What do you mean? 0.99

01:44:59.000 Well, you know, you retire material once the fucking special comes out. 0.99

01:45:03.000 Yeah, we make new stuff. 0.98

01:45:04.000 Of course.

01:45:05.000 Yeah, please.

01:45:06.000 It's an opportunity for growth.

01:45:08.000 Right.

01:45:08.000 You want to be a comedy factory, not a comedy warehouse.

01:45:12.000 That's one way to look at it.

01:45:14.000 Yeah, that's the only way to look at it.

01:45:15.000 Well, your comedy should kind of represent who you are right now.

01:45:18.000 If you're doing comedy from 20 years ago, it doesn't really represent who you are right now.

01:45:21.000 Right, of course.

01:45:22.000 I told you, the history is super condensed, so that it's funny. 0.97

01:45:33.000 When I say about how I graduated from Ringling Brothers and Barnum& Bailey Clown College, I wasn't one of the clowns who got a fucking contract with the circus. 0.99

01:45:43.000 So I had to borrow money to get a fucking Greyhound bus back to Albuquerque, New Mexico, where I hung my fancy clown costume in the fucking closet. 0.99

01:45:51.000 And sold shitty weed. 1.00

01:45:53.000 And the bags of fucking weed I sold did not weigh anywhere near what they were supposed to weigh. 1.00

01:45:58.000 But my life fucking sucked really bad. 1.00

01:46:01.000 But after I got done ripping you off, at least I would show you a fucking epic, unbelievable, cool trick. 0.99

01:46:08.000 Like this one. 0.98

01:46:09.000 And then on that point, we'll fucking bring the table out and I'm going to fucking show you the most incredible bar trick ever. 0.99

01:46:16.000 So when did you put this book out?

01:46:20.000 2011. Did you go on the full tour, do all these radio shows?

01:46:24.000 I mean, I did like radio tour.

01:46:26.000 I went on Howard Stern.

01:46:28.000 Well, see, that must have helped, right?

01:46:30.000 Yeah, I mean, I didn't do like terrible, you know.

01:46:32.000 But I feel like you need like a platform where you could just talk for hours and hours and hours.

01:46:38.000 Right.

01:46:38.000 It'd be cool if I had like a podcast too.

01:46:41.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:46:43.000 Everybody's tired of me going, dude, you should have a podcast.

01:46:46.000 I should sell a t-shirt that says, dude, you should have a podcast.

01:46:50.000 I've said it to so many people. 0.99

01:46:53.000 Unfortunately, a lot of those fucking people took you up on it. 0.98

01:46:59.000 Not every podcast is the Joe Rogan experience, dude. 0.99

01:47:03.000 It's the most fucking annoying question ever. 0.81

01:47:05.000 Like, hey, will you do my podcast? 0.99

01:47:08.000 When you get cornered by your buddy and like, yeah.

01:47:12.000 Yeah, they're not.

01:47:14.000 But it's one of those things where you've got to kind of work at it.

01:47:16.000 It doesn't seem like you have to work on it.

01:47:18.000 Of course.

01:47:19.000 Like stand-up is sort of the same way.

01:47:20.000 Of course.

01:47:21.000 Like when we were doing Kill Tony last night.

01:47:22.000 It's one of the things I wanted to tell people.

01:47:24.000 It seems like it's just you talking, but you have to figure out how people are perceiving you.

01:47:29.000 For sure.

01:47:30.000 And that's a big part of doing a podcast too, but you would be really good at it.

01:47:34.000 You really would.

01:47:35.000 I think it would be good, man.

01:47:37.000 If you just did like one a week, it would take you a year or two to run out of stories.

01:47:43.000 I mean, not even necessarily. 0.93

01:47:45.000 Who knows if you're going to tell us stories about shit that happened or what's going on? 0.97

01:47:49.000 Yeah, man, of course, dude. 0.99

01:47:50.000 Do you have a guy that you could do it with where you could bounce shit off him? 0.78

01:47:54.000 Do you have a good buddy that you vibe well with? 0.94

01:47:57.000 I've thought about doing it. 0.99

01:47:59.000 You know, there's this fucking platform, this... 0.99

01:48:03.000 Whatchamacallit? 1.00

01:48:04.000 It's called YouNow.

01:48:05.000 One of these streaming things like Periscope or Meerkat.

01:48:10.000 Dude, this is so crazy.

01:48:14.000 YouNow and everybody who is a user of this platform Like, it has an account that they, like, put money into.

01:48:23.000 And so the way it works is, like, while you're streaming, like, their questions show up and they want you to answer their questions.

01:48:30.000 So they'll, like, they have, like, different denominations of, like, money that they, like...

01:48:36.000 You're a cam girl now. 0.75

01:48:38.000 Right!

01:48:39.000 I swear!

01:48:40.000 My agents bullied me into doing it.

01:48:44.000 I tried it, right? 0.98

01:48:45.000 And I just sat there just telling stories to the fans that were fucking watching. 0.95

01:48:51.000 And by the end of it, I was on there for 39 minutes, and then I fucking ended the stream, and it's like, you just made $1,000! 0.97

01:49:00.000 What?

01:49:01.000 I need to jump on that right now. 0.99

01:49:02.000 I felt like a fucking panhandler. 0.99

01:49:04.000 It is very Cam Girl-esque. 1.00

01:49:06.000 Yeah.

01:49:07.000 But if you did that all the time, it would probably at least pay for a studio if you set up a studio somewhere.

01:49:12.000 I mean, for sure.

01:49:13.000 But you don't want, see, you don't want people to have to pay to ask you questions.

01:49:18.000 I don't. 0.93

01:49:18.000 Like I said, I felt like a fucking panhandler and I hated it and I haven't done it since, you know? 0.93

01:49:23.000 I did this show, and the guy who promoted the show, I didn't know about it, something that Brian Callen set up. 0.92

01:49:30.000 Love that guy, man. 0.99

01:49:31.000 What a fucking guy. 1.00

01:49:32.000 But this guy had set it up, and I love Brian, too, but he doesn't pay attention to shit. 1.00

01:49:37.000 He's not, like, real good with details. 0.94

01:49:38.000 I had to ask him a bunch of questions about the show.

01:49:40.000 Like, hey, man, there's a guy who's a DJ who's saying that he's spinning records in between us. 0.94

01:49:45.000 Is there a fucking break in between us where there's a DJ coming? 0.96

01:49:48.000 I'll check, I'll check. 0.98

01:49:49.000 It's just you and I. I get there, it's not just me and him. 0.98

01:49:52.000 It's me, him, there's a fucking MC, three local comics, a girl who's doing 20 minutes, and it was a disaster. 0.94

01:49:59.000 We had to clean up this giant mess. 0.98

01:50:00.000 On this podcast?

01:50:01.000 No, no, no.

01:50:02.000 It was a comedy show.

01:50:02.000 I gotcha.

01:50:03.000 But anyway, the guy had made people pay extra to take pictures, to meet us and take pictures.

01:50:09.000 Ah, that's the worst.

01:50:09.000 Exactly.

01:50:10.000 And I said, dude, you can't do that.

01:50:12.000 I would never do that, and you can't do that.

01:50:15.000 You can't do that.

01:50:16.000 I take pictures with everybody. 1.00

01:50:17.000 I'll do a theater, and I'll wait for hours, and I'll take pictures with a thousand fucking people. 0.99

01:50:22.000 You can't charge people an extra 20 bucks to take pictures with me. 0.99

01:50:26.000 But this guy did it on his own.

01:50:28.000 He did it on his own as a promoter. 0.99

01:50:30.000 And this is all shit that Callan just didn't pay attention to. 0.98

01:50:32.000 The way I do that, and Brian's cool about taking pictures as well. 0.99

01:50:36.000 Oh yeah, no, he is totally cool.

01:50:38.000 He just didn't pay attention.

01:50:39.000 He just let this guy handle everything, who we didn't need in the first place.

01:50:44.000 You know, what do you need?

01:50:45.000 We don't need a promoter.

01:50:47.000 Twitter, that's the promoter.

01:50:49.000 Let people know you're there.

01:50:51.000 They show up.

01:50:51.000 It's not that hard.

01:50:52.000 What is this promoter, in quotes, doing?

01:50:54.000 What is he doing?

01:50:55.000 He's just trying to get his friends on the show and trying to charge extra to take pictures. 1.00

01:50:59.000 It was stupid. 1.00

01:51:00.000 But that's a gross model. 1.00

01:51:02.000 The model of people having to pay for VIP entrance or all that gross shit. 1.00

01:51:09.000 Meet and greet. 0.99

01:51:10.000 The one thing, though, is that the cell phone pictures take fucking forever.

01:51:15.000 So what I do is I have my website built where I take the pictures myself. 0.71

01:51:23.000 I'm so good at it.

01:51:24.000 I stole your idea.

01:51:25.000 We stole that.

01:51:26.000 Jamie comes with me to some shows and takes pictures and we upload them.

01:51:29.000 It's better, yeah, dude.

01:51:30.000 It takes way quicker.

01:51:31.000 It's like one-third the time.

01:51:33.000 It's better, too, if you take them yourself because that way when the flash goes off, you turn the camera around and you can show the people their pictures so they can see it for quality control.

01:51:41.000 Don't let them see it.

01:51:43.000 Oh, yeah?

01:51:43.000 Because then they go, oh my god, take that again.

01:51:45.000 Oh my god, delete it.

01:51:47.000 I do it.

01:51:47.000 Oh my god.

01:51:48.000 The worst is girls who look at photos of themselves and everything's great. 1.00

01:51:51.000 Like, oh my god, I hate that picture.

01:51:53.000 Do it again.

01:51:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:51:54.000 No, no.

01:51:55.000 No, this is what you look like.

01:51:56.000 Yeah, but that's the thing.

01:51:58.000 For me, my camera's so fast, it's just boom.

01:52:01.000 You're like, oh no?

01:52:02.000 Okay, boom.

01:52:03.000 Half the time, I don't like it.

01:52:04.000 Oh no?

01:52:04.000 You don't like it?

01:52:05.000 Half the time, I don't like it, so I'll take another one.

01:52:07.000 Why don't you like it?

01:52:08.000 Whatever, dude.

01:52:09.000 I don't like the way my teeth look.

01:52:16.000 I just want the people to be really happy.

01:52:19.000 I want them to be super happy with it because I know that when they go to my website and pull it, that they're going to post it. 0.96

01:52:26.000 On their fucking, all their social media. 0.98

01:52:28.000 And I know that they're going to post it. 1.00

01:52:30.000 Yes. 0.99

01:52:31.000 And then that's sort of my grassroots way of letting people know what the fuck I'm doing. 0.97

01:52:34.000 Yeah, no, it's a smart move. 0.96

01:52:35.000 And I started doing it right after I heard you did it.

01:52:37.000 I think Brian told me about it.

01:52:38.000 Yeah.

01:52:39.000 And a bunch of people do that now.

01:52:41.000 Right.

01:52:41.000 And Gabriel does that too, right?

01:52:42.000 Doesn't Gabriel Gacy do something like that, similar?

01:52:44.000 It's a smart move.

01:52:45.000 Right. 0.91

01:52:45.000 At the end of every show, I say, okay, now I'm going to, like, before I do my last fucking amazing stunt, I'm going to do... 0.91

01:52:52.000 I want to thank you guys for coming out and giving me a shot at stand-up.

01:52:56.000 When I walk off the stage, I'm not going anywhere until I take a photo with every single one of you guys.

01:53:02.000 And here's how you get them. 0.99

01:53:03.000 You go to my fucking website, and I explain it real easy, and I say it. 0.99

01:53:07.000 And one last thing, if you want to get out of here a little quicker, the good news is I'm a New York Times bestselling author, and I've got my fucking book, and I've got my fucking hats, my shirts. 0.99

01:53:17.000 And if you guys want to get any of this shit, Then that puts you to the front of the line. 0.97

01:53:22.000 So I have a merch line and then a photo. 0.99

01:53:24.000 Oh, I see.

01:53:25.000 So you have to go to the merch line first to get to the photo line.

01:53:28.000 Exit through the gift shop. 1.00

01:53:31.000 You're fucking Disneyland, dude. 1.00

01:53:33.000 Well, that's the thing. 1.00

01:53:34.000 I'm still going to take a picture with every single fucking person. 0.98

01:53:37.000 It's just that I'm going to take a picture with the people who buy merch first, you know? 0.98

01:53:41.000 And so, like, a lot of people would be like, oh, well, fuck, man, like, I don't want to, you know, and I tell them, like, if you don't want to get anything, that's great, but please just, like, hang out, like, have a drink, whatever, like, just fucking stick around and get that picture so I can thank you in person. 0.98

01:53:56.000 And a lot of people will think, like, man, like, you know, I want to get a picture, you know, I don't really want to buy anything, but, like, fuck, I'll just buy something to get the fuck out of here. 0.97

01:54:05.000 So, like, you end up selling, like, way more merch, you know? 0.99

01:54:09.000 And nobody feels like you're a dick, you know? 1.00

01:54:11.000 You still stick around and take a photo with every one of the fuckers. 1.00

01:54:15.000 The only problem with selling things is you gotta deal with people like, $20, dude! 1.00

01:54:19.000 Like those people, like, ugh.

01:54:21.000 Just stop.

01:54:22.000 Don't buy it.

01:54:23.000 Don't buy it. 1.00

01:54:24.000 How many people are out there buying and selling fucking a one fucking side, one color fucking shirt for 35, 40 bucks? 1.00

01:54:33.000 Like, Andrew Dice Clay sells like a fucking one color screen. 1.00

01:54:37.000 Brings five shirts. 0.98

01:54:38.000 Yeah, he actually brings like five shirts and he auctions them off.

01:54:42.000 Oh, I never heard about that.

01:54:44.000 No, no.

01:54:45.000 He sells shirts for like $500.

01:54:47.000 I'm not kidding.

01:54:49.000 Yeah, I charge $20 for whatever, but I sign every last book.

01:54:53.000 So I say like, hey, you know, you can have a five-star New York Times bestseller that's autographed by the author and a picture and $20.

01:55:01.000 I don't feel bad about that.

01:55:02.000 No, it's great for a book.

01:55:04.000 You know, a book for 20 bucks is a great deal.

01:55:06.000 You think about the amount of time it costs, you know, reading a book, the amount of time that you spend being entertained by that book.

01:55:12.000 Books are like the greatest bargain ever.

01:55:14.000 Yeah, I love it, man.

01:55:15.000 Books take days to read, you know? 1.00

01:55:17.000 Yeah, I love that shit, man. 0.99

01:55:19.000 But in any case, I'm so excited, man, that you have like as much of a reach as you do, man, because I really, we gotta fucking get this Paramount Theater in Austin fucking packed, man. 0.99

01:55:29.000 That show is gonna be like, that's my showtime special. 0.96

01:55:32.000 Well, you're gonna leave here and your phone is gonna be buzzing off the hook with your manager going, did you say you were gonna light the Paramount on fire?

01:55:50.000 There was like 23 people that just died recently fire on stage.

01:55:56.000 It just happened again where two people in the band even died where Yeah Was it Sweden or something happened?

01:56:06.000 It sparked on the side of the stage and immediately the whole place caught on fire.

01:56:10.000 It's a great way.

01:56:13.000 Pyrotechnics, dude.

01:56:14.000 It's not worth it.

01:56:15.000 We used to have those in the UFC. We used to have these fucking giant opening shows. 0.97

01:56:19.000 Actually, I don't think we had... 0.97

01:56:20.000 Yeah, we did have fire, I believe.

01:56:22.000 But in Joel de Oliveira, it was like this famous fighter from Brazil and he was fighting in pride and they accidentally lit him on fire.

01:56:30.000 And he was on his way to the ring, and they do the boom when you're walking through this gateway.

01:56:37.000 And they fucked up the timing. 0.99

01:56:40.000 They lit this fucking dude on fire as he's on his way into the ring and burnt him. 1.00

01:56:44.000 And then they said, you'll be back. 1.00

01:56:46.000 We'll give you more money. 0.99

01:56:48.000 And so he took like a year off, healed up his fucking 18 degree burns, and came back a year later and fought again. 0.86

01:56:57.000 Do you have anything, like, when you go to the doctor, do you have anything that bothers you still to this day from, like, a past stunt? 0.98

01:57:03.000 I know you have, like, a BB in your navel, don't you? 0.91

01:57:04.000 Yeah, I got, like, BBs stuck in my body, but that's my choice.

01:57:09.000 I have, you know, I mean, fake teeth.

01:57:12.000 It's not a choice. 1.00

01:57:13.000 Like, fake teeth and shitty tattoos is most of it, but, like, my esophagus is fucked. 1.00

01:57:19.000 What's wrong with your esophagus? 1.00

01:57:20.000 Tomorrow morning, I have a...

01:57:20.000 Like, the way you're talking?

01:57:21.000 This is not natural?

01:57:22.000 No, it's just, like, I have a...

01:57:24.000 Whatchamacallit, like, a Barrett's esophagus that's, like...

01:57:27.000 You know, like warning signs for esophageal cancer from just like acid reflux and, I don't know, drugs and shitty living and vomiting.

01:57:37.000 Do you take care of yourself now?

01:57:38.000 Are you healthy?

01:57:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:57:39.000 I'm going in for an endoscopy tomorrow morning.

01:57:42.000 No cigarettes?

01:57:42.000 I haven't smoked in...

01:57:43.000 You're a vegetarian now, right?

01:57:45.000 Yeah, vegan.

01:57:45.000 You haven't smoked in...

01:57:46.000 Seven years.

01:57:47.000 Wow.

01:57:48.000 So right when you started getting sober.

01:57:50.000 Yeah, well, I was five months sober when I gave up cigarettes.

01:57:53.000 Oh, okay.

01:57:54.000 And I haven't smoked weed since March 9th of 2008. So, um, no coffee?

01:58:00.000 And thanks for not smoking weed for this one.

01:58:02.000 Oh, no worries, man.

01:58:03.000 I appreciate it.

01:58:04.000 No worries.

01:58:04.000 I wouldn't want to get you secondhand lambasted.

01:58:07.000 Although, people keep telling me that's bullshit, but I know it's not. 0.98

01:58:10.000 I've had... 0.80

01:58:11.000 I just, like... 0.99

01:58:13.000 I don't really give a fuck if people drink around me, but the weed, because I'm breathing it in, the problem is it fucking smells great, man. 0.99

01:58:20.000 Who doesn't love the smell of weed, you know? 0.99

01:58:22.000 It smells great, and I do believe secondhand smoke gets you high.

01:58:25.000 I don't think it gets you as high as smoking pot, but I think secondhand smoke still affects you. 0.99

01:58:30.000 Yeah, I don't even want to fuck with it. 1.00

01:58:32.000 Yeah, that makes sense. 0.98

01:58:33.000 Super grateful.

01:58:34.000 So, vegan?

01:58:37.000 You're vegan?

01:58:38.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

01:58:40.000 There's a whole other fucking... 0.99

01:58:43.000 There's a major other door. 1.00

01:58:47.000 What?

01:58:48.000 Which other door?

01:58:49.000 Well, like...

01:58:51.000 And this... 0.97

01:58:51.000 I mean, I'm going to fucking let people see this in Austin or at the Showtime. 0.97

01:58:56.000 But it's like, you know, so I fucking go to rehab and get sober and the whole deal. 0.98

01:59:00.000 And then it's like, alright, well... 0.99

01:59:02.000 It's great that I've learned how to live without fucking drugs and alcohol, but now I'm going to have to address my sex addiction. 0.99

01:59:11.000 You used to have a guy that followed me around. 0.99

01:59:13.000 Oh yeah, I still travel with a professional cock blocker. 0.95

01:59:17.000 That was my deal, dude. 0.98

01:59:21.000 It's a mean joke, I tell, but I'd say I'm fucking 41 now and I'm looking at my future. 0.96

01:59:28.000 You know, like, I don't want to be 51 and falling apart and trying to hump everything that moves. 0.95

01:59:34.000 I don't want to turn into Pauly Shore.

01:59:38.000 How dare you?

01:59:40.000 How dare you?

01:59:42.000 I mean, if there's a guy.

01:59:45.000 I'm sure there's a few other guys.

01:59:47.000 But you could be Lemmy from Motorhead. 0.99

01:59:49.000 You could just fucking ride that boat right into the rocks. 0.99

01:59:51.000 Vince Neil. 0.99

01:59:53.000 Vince Neil.

01:59:53.000 I would go with Lemmy before I would go with Vince Neil.

01:59:56.000 But Lemmy from Motorhead's like 70. But the thing is, it's like...

01:59:58.000 Right, right. 1.00

01:59:59.000 I just, like, honestly, man, I was like, fuck, dude. 1.00

02:00:02.000 Like, I believe that you're married, right? 1.00

02:00:04.000 And it's like, I really believe that, like, to be, like, happy, you know, like, it's important to fucking have a life partner and not run around trying to fuck everybody and screwing them over, you know? 0.99

02:00:17.000 That's the deal. 0.99

02:00:18.000 How can I give so much of a fuck about animals that I won't fucking eat an animal, but I have no respect for women at all? 1.00

02:00:25.000 It doesn't add up. 1.00

02:00:26.000 So on my fucking path, and once I got into the meditation, I've been doing transcendental meditation for two and a half years now, and once I got into that, it was just glaring like a fucking flashing red light. 1.00

02:00:40.000 Stop fucking screwing over chicks, you know, and fucking using them up and throwing them away. 0.99

02:00:45.000 And just like, you know, like, and whatever, if I'm on the road, like, fucking hooking up with all the chicks, it's just like, it just became clear, like, that's pretty much like a path to being fucking miserable. 1.00

02:00:54.000 And it's a type of addiction. 0.96

02:00:56.000 Yeah, for sure, because it's like anything else.

02:00:58.000 So, like, you know, I've made myself, like, a promise. 0.99

02:01:01.000 I'm like, okay, from now on, I want to fucking learn how to be in a healthy relationship because I feel like that's how I'm going to be happy, and so I'm going to fucking, from here on out, I'm not going to I'm not gonna fuck random chicks. 1.00

02:01:11.000 I'm not gonna stop trying to get my dick sucked everywhere. 1.00

02:01:15.000 You know? 1.00

02:01:16.000 But I couldn't do it, man.

02:01:19.000 Like, everywhere.

02:01:20.000 You have, like, lines of women at your show. 1.00

02:01:23.000 Stop and think about how funny that is.

02:01:25.000 All the stuff you've done to get out of drugs, and you've gotten to rehab for 30 days, like, I could do it, you know, one step at a time.

02:01:34.000 12 days. 0.99

02:01:35.000 Well, but the thing I told you, like, I'm gonna walk off the fucking stage. 0.98

02:01:38.000 I'm not gonna go anywhere and take a picture with everybody. 1.00

02:01:41.000 So the whole fucking audience basically gets in a line, and it's an audition to see who gets to suck my dick then. 1.00

02:01:47.000 Oh my goodness. 1.00

02:01:49.000 That's hilarious.

02:01:51.000 So you have a guy there that's...

02:01:52.000 Well, I'm all due. 0.98

02:01:53.000 I fucking did the whole thing. 1.00

02:01:55.000 I mean, I remember, like, And that guy gets his dick sucked. 1.00

02:01:57.000 No, because he's in the fucking sex program, too. 1.00

02:02:01.000 Oh, wait, there's a sex program? 1.00

02:02:03.000 There's a whole program?

02:02:04.000 If you need somebody to oversee both of you guys.

02:02:07.000 Right.

02:02:07.000 I mean, whatever.

02:02:08.000 I'm stoked on it, man, because now I'm fucking... 0.96

02:02:10.000 I got in therapy, the whole deal. 0.96

02:02:13.000 Which is hilarious, because my whole story arc is pretty epic to go from where I was at to where I'm at now. 0.99

02:02:24.000 You know, at the end, I think at the end of the show I'm gonna have to fucking break out my old lightbulb trick and fucking slash my shit and bleed everywhere. 0.98

02:02:31.000 No, let's not do that. 0.99

02:02:33.000 Just because, like, to fucking, to try to fucking, like, by the end of my fucking show, it's like, okay, so now I'm like a fucking vegan and, you know, like, trying not to get my dick sucked, you know, like, clean and sober, like, 0.99

02:02:49.000 fucking healthy eater, you know, meditating. 1.00

02:02:51.000 Like, the least I can do is fucking... 1.00

02:02:54.000 Bleed all over myself. 1.00

02:02:56.000 You're a vegan because you love animals.

02:02:59.000 That's how I got into it, yeah.

02:03:00.000 Okay, but you feed your animals animals.

02:03:03.000 I do feed my dog food that has fish in it.

02:03:07.000 And I just adopted a cat.

02:03:09.000 Right, and the same thing, right? 0.99

02:03:11.000 They just don't fucking like vegan dog food. 0.99

02:03:15.000 Well, it's terrible. 0.99

02:03:16.000 I did it for a while.

02:03:18.000 It's not good for their bodies. 1.00

02:03:19.000 They have to be at the point of hunger where you're willing to eat your own fucking food. 1.00

02:03:26.000 But isn't that kind of fucked up? 1.00

02:03:28.000 You know, it's like you're choosing the animals that you love. 1.00

02:03:30.000 You're feeding these animals other animals that were captive and murdered.

02:03:34.000 I mean, if you want to be like super black and white like PETA, then I guess, you know?

02:03:38.000 It's not even like PETA. I mean, that's the reality of animals.

02:03:42.000 Right.

02:03:43.000 I mean, I just, like, I don't know. 0.96

02:03:45.000 I mean, I hear that like the, even in my fucking canvas You know, slip on Vans, that there's some kind of animal products in the rubber. 0.95

02:03:54.000 Right. 0.98

02:03:54.000 Yeah, a lot of rubber. 0.98

02:03:57.000 I'm not going to not get photographed because there's animal products in the film.

02:04:03.000 You know, you just can't do everything 100% percent.

02:04:06.000 I just do the best I can, and I feel better for doing it.

02:04:10.000 Yeah, no, the animal thing is weird when people are super self-righteous about killing animals and yet they have pets.

02:04:18.000 For sure.

02:04:19.000 I've had a real issue with that with people.

02:04:20.000 Hey, I get it, man.

02:04:21.000 It's a blind spot. 0.62

02:04:23.000 That's why I'm really fucking committed to not trying to tell other people what to do. 0.97

02:04:31.000 Have your Whopper, man. 0.97

02:04:32.000 I don't care.

02:04:33.000 Eat all the meat you want. 1.00

02:04:34.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:04:35.000 I'm just happier myself trying to... 0.97

02:04:39.000 And why vegan?

02:04:40.000 What about like farm fresh eggs or things along those lines where nothing gets harmed? 0.97

02:04:44.000 I was fucking with fish and eggs for like a while.

02:04:48.000 I only recently went back to being fully vegan. 0.98

02:04:51.000 But, you know, it was because I'm fucking feel tired all the time.

02:04:54.000 I'm like, man, what is it? 0.91

02:04:55.000 I think it's my diet.

02:04:56.000 And I think if I eat fish and eggs, then all of a sudden I'll have more energy.

02:04:59.000 But it didn't happen.

02:05:00.000 No. 0.99

02:05:01.000 And then I fucking had a sleep study. 0.99

02:05:02.000 It turned out I got sleep apnea. 0.99

02:05:04.000 Yeah.

02:05:05.000 Do you use a CPAP machine?

02:05:07.000 No, I use a mouthpiece. 0.97

02:05:09.000 I try the CPAP and I can't fucking do it, so now I gotta get the mouthpiece. 0.97

02:05:13.000 I'll turn you on to a doctor that's local that makes a really good one. 0.98

02:05:17.000 A lot of people that have it, it's your tongue. 0.64

02:05:20.000 I have a fat tongue.

02:05:22.000 Yeah, me too, I think.

02:05:24.000 And I went to this physician to get cleared for a TV show.

02:05:30.000 And she was shining the light in the back of my throat.

02:05:33.000 She said, do you feel like you sleep a whole night and wake up and you're still tired?

02:05:37.000 I'm like, yes!

02:05:38.000 She says, well, in the back of your throat, it's really narrow.

02:05:41.000 And I think that's going to cause a sleep apnea.

02:05:43.000 Yeah, the hole's narrow.

02:05:45.000 Yeah, I have that too.

02:05:46.000 And also, they've talked to me about getting an operation when they take out your adenoids and your tonsils and It's pretty intense, and it sucks for like a week, but then after it's over you have a larger hole, and that larger hole's better for sleeping, but this mouthpiece serves me well.

02:06:03.000 Do you still get up to piss as much? 0.77

02:06:06.000 Oh, yeah, if I have to piss.

02:06:07.000 I try not to drink before I go to bed, like right before I go to bed, but if I do, yeah.

02:06:11.000 I piss a lot, dude.

02:06:12.000 Do you drink a lot? 0.54

02:06:13.000 You need sodium in your life.

02:06:15.000 Lately, I've been trying. 1.00

02:06:15.000 I got a fucking big fucking water pitcher. 1.00

02:06:18.000 Next time I bet on the floor, so I just pick it up and piss into it and put it back down. 0.99

02:06:22.000 My friend Matt Serra, who's a former UFC welterweight champion when I first met him, He had this gym in Long Island, and he used to sleep in the basement of his gym.

02:06:32.000 He used to teach and then go downstairs and sleep.

02:06:33.000 And he had this jug right next to the bed, because fighters would drink gallons of water in a day. 1.00

02:06:39.000 They'd drink water all the time and flush their system out, and he would just whip his dick out, stick it in the hole. 0.99

02:06:44.000 He'd go with his accent, he goes, I didn't even get out of bed! 1.00

02:06:47.000 I would turn sideways, put my dick in the hole, piss. 1.00

02:06:50.000 Pull it out. 1.00

02:06:51.000 Put the jug down.

02:06:52.000 Right back to sleep.

02:06:53.000 Oh, dude.

02:06:53.000 So great, man.

02:06:54.000 This one water pitcher. 0.98

02:06:56.000 I don't have a very big dick or anything, but I don't even really have to tip over, man, because it's got... 0.99

02:07:01.000 A little spout thing? 1.00

02:07:02.000 It's like one of those classic Kool-Aid fucking... 0.99

02:07:04.000 When Kool-Aid breaks through the wall? 1.00

02:07:07.000 Yeah, it's the Kool-Aid kind, so I just flop my dick on it. 0.99

02:07:13.000 Good to go. 0.99

02:07:13.000 So when you got a sleep study, they put all the electrodes on you and all that jazz? 0.99

02:07:17.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:07:17.000 And how many times did you wake up in an hour?

02:07:20.000 They said that it was actually like mild to moderate, but still, man, I noticed it, dude. 1.00

02:07:25.000 I gotta get that fucking mouthpiece. 0.99

02:07:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:07:28.000 Well, you should lose weight.

02:07:30.000 Losing weight is the big one.

02:07:31.000 It's like with Joey Diaz.

02:07:33.000 Joey Diaz uses the CPAP machine, but he didn't used to have to have that.

02:07:37.000 It's like when he got really big.

02:07:38.000 That's when he really developed.

02:07:40.000 Because the more fat you have, it all closes everything off.

02:07:43.000 When you see people with giant jowls, well, guess what?

02:07:46.000 That fat's everywhere.

02:07:47.000 It's inside your face. 0.98

02:07:48.000 It's inside your neck. 0.95

02:07:49.000 And all that fat will close off the hole. 0.97

02:07:51.000 And when you lay back and your tongue falls over that hole, there's no air.

02:07:55.000 And it's...

02:07:56.000 Right.

02:07:56.000 I had to wake a guy up, man.

02:07:58.000 I was on a plane. 0.99

02:07:58.000 This fucking guy was not breathing for like minutes at a time and then gacking and coughing. 0.99

02:08:05.000 And I didn't wake him up, but I talked to him when he woke up. 0.99

02:08:08.000 And I said, hey man, have you ever gotten checked for sleep apnea?

02:08:11.000 Because he was snoring the most ungodly snore.

02:08:14.000 That's so funny, man.

02:08:15.000 But it wasn't always a snore. 1.00

02:08:17.000 I'm thinking you're saying, motherfucker, wake up! 1.00

02:08:20.000 Stop snoring! 1.00

02:08:21.000 He's all caring about the guy.

02:08:22.000 It's like when he said, I'm thinking, man, I'm going to get sued.

02:08:26.000 You're not worried about the kid that's got spiked on his head?

02:08:28.000 You're a good guy!

02:08:31.000 I try to be.

02:08:32.000 But this poor guy was freaking me out because he was making these noises.

02:08:36.000 Like...

02:08:41.000 And then he would go back to like...

02:08:43.000 And then it would be nothing.

02:08:46.000 No sound.

02:08:47.000 And I'm awake because I was writing.

02:08:49.000 And it was on a long flight.

02:08:51.000 And I looked over at this guy.

02:08:53.000 And I'm noticing he's very overweight.

02:08:55.000 And he's just lying there like this.

02:08:58.000 No movement.

02:08:59.000 No breathing.

02:09:00.000 No movement at all in his chest.

02:09:02.000 Then all of a sudden...

02:09:02.000 Oh my god.

02:09:04.000 Like, I mean, he would go...

02:09:05.000 I mean, I'm exaggerating over saying minutes, but he would definitely go 40 seconds.

02:09:09.000 Like, I timed it.

02:09:10.000 I forget what the time was, but I remember being alarmed.

02:09:13.000 And I remember sitting up going, okay, I gotta talk to this guy.

02:09:16.000 And I had my mouthpiece with me, because I bring it in my bag.

02:09:19.000 It moves your lower jaw forward?

02:09:20.000 No, no, no, no.

02:09:21.000 Mine doesn't.

02:09:22.000 Mine actually just depresses my tongue down.

02:09:29.000 It depends on what kind of sleep apnea you have.

02:09:31.000 I have the central one, I think they said.

02:09:34.000 I don't know what's the difference.

02:09:36.000 I don't know.

02:09:37.000 Joey would know more than anyone, because Joey's got it real bad.

02:09:39.000 Joey needs the CPAP. He has to have air blow in his hole.

02:09:43.000 Where's Joey at, man?

02:09:44.000 I love that guy.

02:09:44.000 I love him, too.

02:09:45.000 He's probably smoking weed right now on Periscope.

02:09:48.000 But anyway, so the guy was kind of stirring and moving, and when he finally was opening his eyes and looking around, I talked to him.

02:09:57.000 And I had like a long sit down with him and I showed him the mouthpiece and I go, dude, you could die.

02:10:02.000 I go, you hold your breath.

02:10:03.000 I was going to film it, but I thought that would be rude to just film you.

02:10:06.000 But I mean, you're holding your breath for a long time.

02:10:09.000 Have you ever talked to anyone about it?

02:10:10.000 He's like, no, you know, my wife tells me I snore.

02:10:13.000 I go, dude, you don't just snore. 0.97

02:10:14.000 You're like choking to death.

02:10:15.000 You know, and there's a lot of people.

02:10:17.000 You don't know what happens when you go to sleep.

02:10:18.000 You're out.

02:10:19.000 When you sleep, you're out.

02:10:20.000 And when you're out like that, you're not getting any oxygen when you sleep.

02:10:23.000 You don't get into heavy REM sleep.

02:10:25.000 You're going to get into those deep cycles.

02:10:27.000 You just skirt the edges, and then you wake up because your body's gasping in panic mode. 0.80

02:10:31.000 And so you wake up after like eight hours of sleep, and you're still fucking exhausted. 0.66

02:10:34.000 That's Every day I feel like I could go back to bed right when I wake up. 0.98

02:10:38.000 Dude, you really should lose weight.

02:10:41.000 I mean, you know that's a big...

02:10:42.000 And so should Joey.

02:10:43.000 I mean, that's the big thing with Joey.

02:10:45.000 He's way, way, way overweight.

02:10:47.000 And he got down a while just like you did. 0.98

02:10:50.000 I mean, Joey lost like 80 fucking pounds at one point. 0.97

02:10:52.000 But he gets energy from that CPAP. He feels way better. 0.98

02:10:57.000 He travels with one.

02:10:58.000 He has this machine that he travels with that he has to check.

02:11:02.000 So he always has to check his luggage because his carry-on is his CPAP machine.

02:11:08.000 So he doesn't go anywhere without checking his luggage.

02:11:10.000 Every flight he takes, Joey brings that machine with him.

02:11:13.000 That's his security system.

02:11:15.000 You brought up earlier, you brought up Greg Fitzsimmons and that Bill Cosby thing.

02:11:20.000 What do you think about it?

02:11:21.000 It makes me feel weird.

02:11:22.000 I don't like it.

02:11:24.000 It's misguided.

02:11:25.000 I love Greg, but I think it's misguided.

02:11:27.000 For folks who don't know what we're talking about, Greg has decided to start stealing Bill Cosby's material and doing it openly.

02:11:34.000 So he does these classic Bill Cosby bits, and then he lets everybody know in the middle of it that he's stealing Bill Cosby's bits to take away from him what is most precious.

02:11:45.000 But it doesn't really work because if someone tries to steal some shit off of like Shiny Happy Jihad or something like that, it's already on CD. I did it in fucking 2006. If you're stealing, you're not taking anything away from me. 0.97

02:12:01.000 You're just selling yourself short by stealing.

02:12:04.000 So if Greg does Bill Cosby's material, you don't ever take it away from him.

02:12:09.000 It's already recorded.

02:12:11.000 He doesn't even do that material anymore, so I don't think it's...

02:12:15.000 It seems like you're taking something negative and being negative about it.

02:12:20.000 It just doesn't seem...

02:12:22.000 And I also think it just opens the door to people go, well, Greg stole Bill Cosby's jokes, you know?

02:12:28.000 But he says it on stage that he's stealing it.

02:12:30.000 He lets people know in the middle of it that he's stealing Bill Cosby's...

02:12:34.000 Greg Fitzsimmons steals Bill Cosby's bits now.

02:12:37.000 He's doing it on purpose to try to take something from Bill Cosby.

02:12:40.000 Like, this is the idea behind it.

02:12:42.000 Well, it sounds like...

02:12:44.000 Bill Cosby would be super psyched on that because it's like, wow, I'm getting credit for being funny, and it's distracting people from me being a racist.

02:12:53.000 It's like, wow, there's actually something good about Bill Cosby.

02:12:57.000 That's completely defeating.

02:12:59.000 Yeah, I think it's a gimmick.

02:13:01.000 I mean, I see what he's like. 0.93

02:13:02.000 He genuinely thinks the guy's disgusting. 0.59

02:13:06.000 It's genuine.

02:13:07.000 So let me glorify his comedy by...

02:13:11.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't get it either.

02:13:13.000 I don't know.

02:13:15.000 Maybe if I had him on and Greg, I'll have him on soon.

02:13:17.000 And he's going to be on soon, I guess.

02:13:19.000 We're talking about doing something within the next couple weeks.

02:13:22.000 So maybe he'll explain it better.

02:13:24.000 I just, I don't know.

02:13:25.000 I wouldn't want to have anything to do with it, you know?

02:13:29.000 There's some lady that was on, who was a legal expert, who was discussing it. 0.89

02:13:34.000 And she said he might be the most prolific serial rapist in history. 1.00

02:13:39.000 Which is fucking insane. 0.99

02:13:41.000 It's insane to look at it that way, that this guy, Mr. Huxtable, you know, the fucking guy from the TV show, the guy who had the squeaky clean comedy, the guy who did the bit about, you know, the football players saying, hi, mom, to his son on TV. This guy was like wholesome Mr. America in a sweater. 0.99

02:14:00.000 But none of these girls, like, the next morning go, God, what the fuck happened? 1.00

02:14:04.000 He raped me. 1.00

02:14:05.000 I am going to the police.

02:14:07.000 This is all, you know, kind of, like, wishy-washy, like, yeah, I kind of felt weird that night, but no one really went right to the police, though, did they?

02:14:16.000 I don't know.

02:14:17.000 I don't know.

02:14:18.000 It just seems weird.

02:14:18.000 It doesn't seem weird to me.

02:14:20.000 It seems like a lot of people just kind of, I don't know.

02:14:22.000 Well, listen, man, if you're a girl, okay, look at it this way. 0.98

02:14:25.000 You're some young girl who's trying to make it in show business, and you get brought into his office because he knows your parents or something like that.

02:14:35.000 That was a lot of the situation.

02:14:48.000 The only guy doing his own casting.

02:14:54.000 Yeah, I mean, he would bring them into his office and drug him.

02:14:57.000 Like, would you like a cappuccino?

02:14:59.000 Would you like a little cappuccino? 1.00

02:15:00.000 And give him a cappuccino and fuck him. 1.00

02:15:02.000 I mean, just drug him. 1.00

02:15:03.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:15:04.000 It seems like if that were to happen, though, like, four hours later, this girl's going, like, I just went there for an interview, had a cappuccino, and he fucked me. 0.97

02:15:11.000 Like, it would go right to the gym. 0.97

02:15:12.000 This is why, no.

02:15:14.000 Because I think, what I was going to say is, these are young girls that are probably completely overwhelmed that they're even in his presence.

02:15:21.000 Like, they can't even believe that they're meeting Bill Cosby.

02:15:25.000 So you're insanely starstruck.

02:15:27.000 And the fact that he's touching you puts you into a state of shock. 1.00

02:15:30.000 Like, you're fucked up. 0.99

02:15:31.000 And then you're confused because you wake up and you were drugged. 0.99

02:15:34.000 You don't know what happened.

02:15:36.000 And then you're embarrassed and horrified of it.

02:15:39.000 I mean, there's so many...

02:15:40.000 And then you're going to try and accuse Mr. Mr. Huxtable.

02:15:43.000 Exactly!

02:15:45.000 This is before the internet, man. 0.99

02:15:48.000 If a girl like that, if that happened today, a girl could go on her Facebook page and say, today I went on an audition with Bill Cosby and he drugged me and raped me. 0.99

02:15:57.000 And like, whoa! 0.99

02:15:58.000 Bam! 0.98

02:15:58.000 That takes off and it goes viral. 0.98

02:16:00.000 But back then, man, if you go to the fucking police, they might not say shit. 1.00

02:16:04.000 Or they might go to Cosby and Cosby might sue you. 1.00

02:16:07.000 But you've got to realize some women did.

02:16:09.000 And in 2005, he actually paid off women.

02:16:12.000 And that's why this all got more serious lately.

02:16:16.000 It's because they released the transcripts.

02:16:19.000 And the transcripts said that he admitted that he had drugged these girls.

02:16:24.000 He admitted it.

02:16:25.000 So, this did go to cops, and it didn't go out to the public.

02:16:31.000 So, it's like, it's not kind of weird.

02:16:34.000 It's just the amount of power and money this guy...

02:16:36.000 I mean, Bill Cosby's like a billionaire.

02:16:38.000 I mean, the amount of money that guy has is insane.

02:16:41.000 And the amount of power that kind of money has... 0.99

02:16:44.000 Where you're talking about just teams of lawyers that just try to figure out any sort of attack that they could do to try to mitigate any of the issues that are going on with people accusing him of all this crazy, you know, rape shit. 0.99

02:16:57.000 It's like... 0.99

02:17:00.000 He fought it for a long time.

02:17:02.000 He hasn't really publicly denied any of it, right?

02:17:05.000 No, he hasn't denied it at all.

02:17:06.000 He hasn't denied it at all.

02:17:07.000 He just doesn't talk about it.

02:17:09.000 One of the weirdest things that he said, he did this one interview, and he said, in all my years of show business, I've never seen anything like this.

02:17:20.000 Yeah, well that's called free speech.

02:17:22.000 This is what's going on now.

02:17:24.000 Everyone can talk now.

02:17:26.000 Now people can get online and talk about crimes that you committed.

02:17:32.000 You can't hide behind lawyers anymore.

02:17:35.000 You can't threaten them.

02:17:39.000 When you're a girl, you're barely paying your bills.

02:17:42.000 You're barely getting by. 0.99

02:17:43.000 And he offers you $20,000 or $100,000 to shut the fuck up. 0.98

02:17:47.000 And you have to sign some written agreement that says you never speak about this again. 0.99

02:17:52.000 You take that money.

02:17:53.000 That's what they do.

02:17:54.000 And that's what they did in 2005. And I don't know how much they got paid, but it's probably even more than that.

02:17:57.000 Probably a million.

02:17:58.000 I mean, when you're worth what that guy's made in his career, who knows what he's got left, but...

02:18:05.000 A hundred thousand here, a hundred thousand there for a guy like that is nothing. 0.97

02:18:09.000 He could silence a lot of shit by just keeping people quiet with money, you know? 0.90

02:18:14.000 And that's probably what happened when things came up. 0.99

02:18:17.000 I mean, I don't know.

02:18:18.000 And then there's also people with fear of being blackballed.

02:18:22.000 You know, being blackballed from show business when you're a struggling actress and you're barely getting by, the difference between Bill Cosby talking badly about you and accusing you of being a liar.

02:18:32.000 Like, who's gonna listen to you and who's gonna listen to him?

02:18:35.000 They gotta think that most people are gonna listen to Bill Cosby, and that could wreck your career before it ever gets started.

02:18:41.000 Just sink your ship.

02:18:42.000 And it seems like a lot of these girls that he preyed on were trying to make it in show business. 0.99

02:18:47.000 That was a big part of what he would attack.

02:18:49.000 He would go after these girls that were trying to become actresses, and he was like a mentor figure.

02:18:55.000 That was like the angle that he was presenting. 1.00

02:18:58.000 It's dark shit, man. 0.99

02:19:00.000 Yeah, how'd we get on that? 1.00

02:19:02.000 I'd take one piss, man.

02:19:04.000 Oh, we're talking about Greg Fitzsimmons.

02:19:07.000 Greg Fitzsimmons and his Bill Cosby strategy.

02:19:11.000 Yeah, I don't know.

02:19:12.000 It's a little misguided, I think.

02:19:14.000 I don't know.

02:19:14.000 I mean, maybe Greg's got a better point.

02:19:16.000 Maybe we need to let him articulate it.

02:19:19.000 It's the darkest thing in all of the history of stand-up comedy, I think.

02:19:23.000 I mean, or close to it, you know?

02:19:26.000 I mean, what else? 0.78

02:19:26.000 There was that Vince Champ guy that was raping college girls and he got caught. 0.78

02:19:30.000 He would say, like, horrible shit to them, like, pray for me and stuff, like, while he's fucking them. 1.00

02:19:35.000 That guy's in jail for the rest of his life. 1.00

02:19:37.000 Cosby's just out running around.

02:19:39.000 I mean, it doesn't seem like there's any charges that are being put up against him.

02:19:42.000 And as far as I know, there's only one woman that the rape happened inside the Statue of Limitations.

02:19:48.000 I don't know what the Statue of Limitations is, but I think it's like...

02:19:52.000 Six or seven years?

02:19:53.000 That's it? 0.99

02:19:54.000 That seems fucked. 0.98

02:19:55.000 I think it's seven years, but that's kind of like, well, you know, it's a little wishy-washy. 0.99

02:20:00.000 Meaning, like, if you've raped somebody and you have great proof eight years later, I'm sure they're still gonna...

02:20:05.000 I don't know.

02:20:06.000 I don't think that's the case.

02:20:07.000 I think a statute of limitations is pretty rock solid.

02:20:09.000 Is it?

02:20:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:20:10.000 Like double jeopardy and shit. 1.00

02:20:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:20:12.000 It's law. 1.00

02:20:14.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:20:15.000 It's fucked up. 0.99

02:20:16.000 We've talked about that so many times. 1.00

02:20:18.000 It's a subject that's been beaten to death.

02:20:20.000 But it seems like it's so significant that you kind of have to beat it to death.

02:20:26.000 It's hard to believe.

02:20:27.000 Imagine if that was like your dad or something like that. 1.00

02:20:30.000 Imagine if you found out your dad was a fucking serial rapist. 1.00

02:20:33.000 Or your mom even. 1.00

02:20:34.000 Your mom's drugging dudes and sucking their dicks. 1.00

02:20:37.000 Taking pictures. 1.00

02:20:38.000 Taking selfies. 1.00

02:20:39.000 I remember an old bit I saw you do about if your son came home from school and told you that his teacher sucked his dick, how pissed you would be. 1.00

02:20:52.000 Don't you ever ruin that! 1.00

02:20:54.000 No, it's that he called the cops.

02:20:56.000 That's who it was.

02:20:58.000 My son called the police.

02:21:01.000 How does someone ever find out that a female teacher molests a kid? 1.00

02:21:05.000 One of those pussies has to open his mouth. 1.00

02:21:06.000 Like, where was his dad? 1.00

02:21:08.000 Right.

02:21:11.000 If my son did that, I would be pissed.

02:21:14.000 I'd be like, dude, you're fine.

02:21:16.000 Okay?

02:21:18.000 There's a giant difference between a woman molesting a boy and a man molesting a girl. 0.99

02:21:23.000 I don't think it should be encouraged, but it's certainly not the same.

02:21:27.000 Right.

02:21:28.000 Did you hear about Anonymous releasing all the KKK members' information?

02:21:33.000 Good!

02:21:33.000 Supposedly there's a lot of U.S. senators, police.

02:21:36.000 Good!

02:21:37.000 I applaud you, Anonymous. 0.98

02:21:38.000 I feel like Anonymous, overall, across the board, does more good shit I hear very, very few bad accusations on their part. 0.94

02:21:48.000 Almost everything they do, I agree with. 0.93

02:21:50.000 I love it.

02:21:51.000 Like it.

02:21:52.000 Good. 1.00

02:21:52.000 Fuck the KKK. Fuck all those crazy fucking Stone Age assholes who give a shit about the origin of birth of your great-great-great-grandparents. 1.00

02:22:01.000 You're not pure! 1.00

02:22:02.000 You're not of the pure race! 0.99

02:22:06.000 It's going to be interesting, though, because supposedly there's some Ferguson police that are involved in this, and the whole list officially gets released, I think, next week or this week.

02:22:16.000 Meanwhile, Brian's on it. 0.99

02:22:20.000 Well, they could just put your name on it, man, if somebody wanted to fuck with you. 1.00

02:22:24.000 Steve-O's in the KKK. What? 1.00

02:22:28.000 Yeah.

02:22:29.000 You've kind of morphed.

02:22:31.000 It's really fascinating. 0.99

02:22:32.000 I mean, seeing you go from being this wild, crazy, ketamine-snorting psychopath, jumping off roofs and shit and damaging your body to being this vegan who's trying to live a kind life and trying to be nice to people and you don't want to... 1.00

02:22:50.000 Randomly hook up with girls because you want to have a meaningful relationship and you're taking care of animals and fuck SeaWorld. 1.00

02:22:57.000 It's really amazing to see you become this. 1.00

02:23:01.000 Yeah, you know, I mean every once in a while I got to do something pretty fucked up just to make sure that I'm not a total pussy. 1.00

02:23:09.000 Well, I didn't meet you until you were sober. 1.00

02:23:12.000 Right.

02:23:12.000 You know, I missed the crazy train.

02:23:16.000 I've kept it pretty crazy sober, too, though.

02:23:18.000 Yeah.

02:23:19.000 No, no doubt.

02:23:20.000 Yeah.

02:23:20.000 I mean, just explaining what you're planning on doing at Paramount before they found out about it.

02:23:27.000 Do you think there's going to be a Jackass 4K or something like that?

02:23:30.000 I don't think so, man. 0.99

02:23:32.000 Everybody's getting old and fucking injuries. 0.99

02:23:35.000 The last one was so great. 0.99

02:23:37.000 I'm working my dick off to get my own movie. 0.98

02:23:39.000 Oh, yeah? 0.98

02:23:40.000 Yeah.

02:23:41.000 Like...

02:23:42.000 Sort of like the Bad Grandpa format, but instead of...

02:23:45.000 Oh my god, it was Bad Grandpa Good.

02:23:47.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:23:47.000 That was a funny, funny fucking movie. 1.00

02:23:50.000 I cried when he got his dick stuck in that machine. 1.00

02:23:53.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:23:54.000 That was one of the funny... 0.99

02:23:55.000 That was a funny fucking movie that I don't think... 0.99

02:23:57.000 It was really good. 0.99

02:23:58.000 I don't think it got enough credit.

02:23:59.000 I really don't think it got as much credit as it deserved.

02:24:02.000 I think it did well.

02:24:03.000 It was number one.

02:24:04.000 But it's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen in my life.

02:24:07.000 And when you talk about, like, funny all-time movies, very few people bring up Bad Grandpa.

02:24:12.000 I think they should. 0.98

02:24:13.000 I think it's a goddamn epic movie. 0.99

02:24:15.000 There's some kids shitting on the wall, and when he's dancing, he's dancing pretty funny. 0.99

02:24:19.000 That kid's awesome.

02:24:20.000 I love the kid in there.

02:24:20.000 When he goes to the black club, and he's with all the ladies, and he's dancing?

02:24:26.000 Come on. 1.00

02:24:27.000 Fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

02:24:28.000 It's a fucking epic movie. 1.00

02:24:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:24:30.000 So do you have a movie that worked out, or do you have an idea? 0.99

02:24:32.000 Pretty much, yeah.

02:24:34.000 I'm gonna, like, keep the cards...

02:24:36.000 Close to your chest?

02:24:38.000 Yeah, dude.

02:24:38.000 But I gotta deal with, you know, big-time movie producer guys, so...

02:24:44.000 Yeah, so now we're taking it and getting it written and then get the director and then take it to the studio is kind of a deal.

02:24:53.000 So we were talking about the damage that you've done. 0.96

02:24:55.000 It's early the fuck on, but... 0.99

02:24:57.000 We were talking about the damage you've done to your body before you went off to pee, and you said esophageal issues. 0.99

02:25:02.000 Yeah, I had what's called Barrett's esophagus.

02:25:05.000 But that's it?

02:25:06.000 Other than that?

02:25:07.000 Pretty much, yeah.

02:25:07.000 Bones and joints and back and neck?

02:25:09.000 Yeah, joints are all good.

02:25:11.000 That's crazy.

02:25:12.000 What about Knoxville?

02:25:13.000 Is he okay?

02:25:15.000 He's got some back issues, I think.

02:25:18.000 Is that from that bull?

02:25:20.000 Which bull?

02:25:22.000 The bull when he went blindfold and the bull lost him through the air?

02:25:25.000 Right, right.

02:25:25.000 That wasn't a bull.

02:25:25.000 It was a yak.

02:25:26.000 Oh.

02:25:27.000 That was a yak?

02:25:28.000 I don't think that he got particularly hurt on that.

02:25:30.000 I think that one thing that did a lot of damage to him was early, early on...

02:25:38.000 Dropping in on a skateboard halfpipe, one of the big vert ramps, and he just fell straight to the flat bottom.

02:25:47.000 I remember hearing that turning the car hurts. 0.99

02:25:54.000 His shoulders fucked up. 0.99

02:25:56.000 He definitely did more damage because he didn't have the benefit of growing up falling off a skateboard, sort of learning how to fall down. 0.99

02:26:04.000 When he...

02:26:06.000 A lot of us are like sort of, you know...

02:26:10.000 I mean, I'm like, you know, sort of circus clown, acrobat, you know... 0.98

02:26:14.000 Lifelong fuck-up. 0.98

02:26:15.000 By trade, so... 0.98

02:26:16.000 Yeah.

02:26:17.000 So, yeah, so I'm kind of more like...

02:26:19.000 I'm better at falling down without getting hurt.

02:26:22.000 Knoxville, like, falls down. 0.99

02:26:24.000 It's just me hitting the ground in the worst way, which is why his shit's always the best, you know? 0.99

02:26:28.000 Oh, yeah, that makes sense. 1.00

02:26:30.000 Because you can do flips and all that shit. 0.96

02:26:32.000 Right, yeah. 0.98

02:26:32.000 And you know how to fall with your body. 0.98

02:26:34.000 Yeah, I'm more like a cat when it gets down to it.

02:26:37.000 And Knoxville is just...

02:26:39.000 So I think that he's probably in worse shape.

02:26:42.000 But then again, at the same time, I think that he takes good care of himself.

02:26:50.000 I think maybe he's done some mending.

02:26:53.000 He had some disc issues.

02:26:54.000 I don't know.

02:26:56.000 Yeah, I've had a gang of those.

02:26:58.000 I accidentally did my own stunts for this Kevin James movie I was in.

02:27:03.000 I suck at riding bikes.

02:27:05.000 I had to ride a bike and I hit him with a flag.

02:27:07.000 Which Kevin James movie?

02:27:08.000 It was Zookeeper.

02:27:10.000 The guy that I'm telling you about is the one who did that movie.

02:27:14.000 Which guy?

02:27:15.000 Todd Garner.

02:27:16.000 Oh, the guy who, the producer?

02:27:17.000 I know Todd.

02:27:18.000 Yeah.

02:27:18.000 He's a good dude.

02:27:19.000 I love Todd.

02:27:21.000 So I had to hit the brake while I was riding a bike, and I was hitting him with this flag, but I'm hitting the front brake.

02:27:27.000 And when you hit the front brake, if it locks, you go flying over the top.

02:27:31.000 And I did it like three times. 0.94

02:27:33.000 We wind up using that in the movie instead of the stuntman, because I just want to go fucking flying. 0.90

02:27:39.000 But I'm pretty good at falling because I'm a lifelong martial artist. 0.86

02:27:44.000 I knew when I hit the ground that you can't just hit the ground.

02:27:48.000 You've got to kind of roll with it.

02:27:49.000 Sure.

02:27:50.000 But you really have a real strong appreciation for stunt people when you do something like that.

02:27:55.000 Because I go, well, I got through this, luckily, without getting hurt. 0.98

02:27:58.000 But if I had to do this every fucking day or every week, Some new thing where you've fallen off of a building or jumping off of a fucking moving car. 0.98

02:28:08.000 The potential for damaging yourself is super high. 0.99

02:28:11.000 When you hear about those people dying, it's always like some movie that no one's gonna give a fuck about. 0.94

02:28:16.000 Some racing motorcycle scene, a Steven Seagal movie, and someone dies, you know? 0.92

02:28:21.000 When you watch those crazy action movies, think about that.

02:28:24.000 Appreciate the fact that those people, they literally put their physical health and their life on the line for your entertainment. 0.96

02:28:31.000 I didn't think about it too much until I just fucked up and fell a few times on a bike in a movie. 0.91

02:28:39.000 Those guys do it on purpose all the time. 0.99

02:28:42.000 Yep.

02:28:43.000 That's right, man. 0.99

02:28:44.000 It's a fucking hard gig, man. 0.99

02:28:47.000 That's a hard gig. 0.99

02:28:47.000 And I'm going to do it on purpose at the fucking Paramount Day. 0.99

02:28:52.000 I want to see this now. 0.98

02:28:53.000 I want to be there.

02:28:54.000 Yeah, dude.

02:28:54.000 Go.

02:28:55.000 Why don't you go?

02:28:56.000 I mean, yeah.

02:28:57.000 Yeah, there you go. 0.99

02:28:57.000 Fucking November 21st, man. 0.99

02:28:58.000 No one's holding you back. 1.00

02:29:01.000 All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's wrap this bitch up. 1.00

02:29:03.000 Steve O. Steve O. on Twitter. 0.98

02:29:05.000 Paramount Theater, November 21st.

02:29:08.000 Austin, Texas.

02:29:09.000 Austin, Texas.

02:29:10.000 I will be in Denver at that time.

02:29:13.000 I'm at the Belco Theater on November 21st with the great Ian Edwards and then the 20th.

02:29:18.000 Ian Edwards, epic.

02:29:19.000 I'm in Madison, Wisconsin, on the 20th. 0.90

02:29:23.000 All that shit is on my website, JoeRogan.net, in the tour section. 0.85

02:29:28.000 Brian, what do you got going on? 0.99

02:29:29.000 Wednesday, we're at the Comedy Store, me and you.

02:29:31.000 Oh, that's right.

02:29:31.000 And Chris D'Elia.

02:29:32.000 Oh, that's right.

02:29:33.000 We have a secret show.

02:29:34.000 And also, me and Tony Hinchcliffe.

02:29:35.000 And then there's some secret guests.

02:29:37.000 Yeah, some secret guests.

02:29:38.000 That would be really cool.

02:29:38.000 One that rhymes with Bosh.

02:29:40.000 Hopefully.

02:29:41.000 And also, me and Tony are bringing Kill Tony to Pittsburgh in Ohio Thanksgiving week.

02:29:46.000 It's November 27th.

02:29:48.000 We'll be in Pittsburgh and November 29th in Ohio.

02:29:50.000 Go to deathsquad.tv.

02:29:52.000 Click on tour dates.

02:29:53.000 Yeehaw! 1.00

02:29:54.000 Alright, you fucks. 0.99

02:29:55.000 I've got a podcast in one hour with Chris Ryan, so I'll see you then. 0.99

02:29:58.000 Bye-bye.

02:29:59.000 Big kiss.

02:29:59.000 Yeah, dude.

02:30:00.000 Thanks, Joe.

02:30:00.000 Thanks, bud.

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 03, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #717 - Steve-O

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript