The Joe Rogan Experience - January 19, 2016


Joe Rogan Experience #748 - Jenny Johnson

Topics
candy flipping podcast interviews whatever's happening working with newscasters Indoor tanning lobby and Boehner ties Houston comedy scene Instagram The Rock private jet photo rain allergy Kony 2012 meltdown As Good It Gets wingsuit flying e-cigarettes vape pen prescriptions marijuana cannabis community conversation traumatic brain injury football concussions drunk people in fights
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Jenny Johnson
Mentioned
Jenny Johnson John Boehner Jamie Brad Pitt Piers Morgan Sandy Hook Bernie Sanders Charlie Sheen Jesus Christ Kurt Cobain Larry King Gilbert Melendez Magic Johnson Ben Shapiro L. Ron Hubbard Gabriel Iglesias Chelsea Handler Chris Brown Lake Travis Mark Kelly and 100 more
Joe Rogan Experience #747 - Tony Hinchcliffe Joe Rogan Experience #749 - Carlos Condit & Erwan Le Corre

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 43 minutes

Words per minute

201.6

Word count

32,979

Sentence count

4,107

Harmful content

Misogyny

100

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,069

sentences flagged

Hate speech

58

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This week, we're joined by Jenny Johnson, a stand-up comedian, writer, podcaster, and all-around great human being. We talk about a wide range of topics, including the death of Magic Johnson, the rise of the internet, and the mysterious death of E.E. Cappiello. We also talk about how we first learned of Magic's HIV diagnosis, and what it means to be gay in the 21st century, and why it's a good thing he didn't have it when he was growing up in the late 80s and early 90s, when people were dying of HIV and other diseases like it was still a thing. We also get into the conspiracy theories about who actually got HIV, and whether or not it's even a thing at all. And, of course, we talk about our favorite movies and TV shows from the 80's and 90s. We're in no way affiliated with the Ringer or HBO, but it's not like we don't talk about them much. Just pay the 2.95 postage. Thanks to our sponsor, Dom Herradura, and we hope you enjoy this episode! Thank you Dom for sponsoring this episode, Dom is a great friend of ours and we really appreciate your support. We really do appreciate it. - Tom and Dom are great friends of the pod and we're glad you're here with us. XOXO, EJ and we can't wait to do more of this. Thank you so much for supporting us! - EJenny and we'll see you next week! xoxo, Dom and EJ XO. xo - xJenny Johnson And we're live with Dom Herrera . Thanks, Dom Herrera. EJ & EJ is a good friend of the PodCast Cheers, E. EJ ( ) ( , EJ, E.S. ( ) and E.J. ( , and EK ( ) ( ) - E.A. (Jenny ( ) ( ) & E. . . EJUICY ( ) . (EJUY ( & EZY ( . , ) ( ), EJ( & AYI ( ) AND EJK ( ) on the podcast.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Oh, it was fucking brutal. 0.96
00:00:02.000 But I was like, you know, I've done a bunch of podcasts and Tom's sitting there and he's like, what are you gonna talk about? 0.97
00:00:08.000 That's it?
00:00:09.000 That's the whole podcast?
00:00:10.000 I was like, dude, I don't know.
00:00:11.000 What do you want to talk about?
00:00:12.000 We talked about sports for about 50 minutes, comedy for five, and that was it.
00:00:15.000 Yeah, it sounds like Dom Herrera.
00:00:17.000 And we're live with Jenny Johnson.
00:00:19.000 High five, what's up?
00:00:20.000 What up?
00:00:20.000 How are you?
00:00:21.000 First of all, it's a fantastic Twitter name.
00:00:22.000 Thank you.
00:00:23.000 How'd you get that?
00:00:24.000 Because Jenny Johnson was taken, and I had to get clever.
00:00:29.000 And I was like, well, I like high fives.
00:00:31.000 That's a good one.
00:00:31.000 So we'll just go with that.
00:00:32.000 It's an easy one to remember.
00:00:33.000 I have had people that have told me, oh, is that you?
00:00:36.000 You're making fun of people with AIDS? Me?
00:00:39.000 I don't think so.
00:00:40.000 No, like, they didn't ask me that.
00:00:41.000 I've been asked that a lot, and I was like, what do you mean? 0.99
00:00:44.000 Well, H-I and the number five, you know, the Roman numerals, V. So, like, I was going to be Jenny H-I-V. What the fuck? 0.99
00:00:51.000 I was like, you know, I'd say and do a lot of stupid shit, but come on now. 0.99
00:00:56.000 That's hilarious. 1.00
00:00:57.000 So someone...
00:00:58.000 More than one.
00:00:59.000 I've been asked this by several people, like, online or in person.
00:01:03.000 No, no, no.
00:01:04.000 I just, like, high fives.
00:01:05.000 Like, that was it.
00:01:06.000 Now that you brought that up, there's probably going to be some blog posts written about it and a conspiracy will get formed that that's what you're trying to do.
00:01:14.000 Right.
00:01:14.000 That's the type of things that really wacky people that believe in the Illuminati would start to sort of say.
00:01:19.000 Yeah.
00:01:20.000 You know, the five is actually the V. Right.
00:01:24.000 Jenny Johnson, H-I-V. She's a part.
00:01:26.000 I'm like, my birthday's in May, too, number five.
00:01:28.000 Oh, my God.
00:01:28.000 You know, I was just like, okay, so I was just kind of doing it through that a little bit, too, like a high five.
00:01:33.000 Right.
00:01:33.000 I'll do the number, you know, like...
00:01:35.000 I actually...
00:01:36.000 It had nothing to do with anything.
00:01:38.000 The name Jenny Johnson was just taken.
00:01:40.000 You sound a little defensive.
00:01:42.000 I am.
00:01:42.000 I'm starting to believe that maybe...
00:01:44.000 I've got the full-blownsies.
00:01:46.000 The full-blownsies? 0.77
00:01:48.000 Is HIV even a disease anymore?
00:01:50.000 I mean, it is, but nobody dies of it.
00:01:52.000 No, I feel like now it's like, you know, whooping cough or something.
00:01:55.000 Do you remember when we were kids?
00:01:56.000 Oh, my God.
00:01:57.000 Do you remember the moment when...
00:01:59.000 There's a few moments where I remember, like, when Sam Kinison died...
00:02:03.000 Things along those lines when you found out that someone has died.
00:02:06.000 But when I heard that Magic Johnson had HIV, I was in the car with my girlfriend.
00:02:11.000 We were in Boston.
00:02:13.000 We were driving. 0.99
00:02:13.000 We were both like, holy shit. 0.99
00:02:15.000 It was like the beginning of The Walking Dead when people started to get sick. 0.99
00:02:20.000 Like, oh no. 1.00
00:02:21.000 Fuck, it's on. 1.00
00:02:23.000 It is on. 1.00
00:02:23.000 Magic Johnson, of all people, too. 1.00
00:02:24.000 Magic Johnson's famous.
00:02:26.000 I tell you, the one that killed me, too, is ECE. He died of AIDS. And that was also like...
00:02:32.000 What?
00:02:33.000 You know, you didn't see that coming.
00:02:35.000 I think I just assumed maybe it was all in New York. 0.87
00:02:39.000 It was gay guys.
00:02:40.000 You know, as a kid, I didn't know any better. 0.51
00:02:43.000 All in New York.
00:02:44.000 That's funny.
00:02:45.000 Why New York?
00:02:46.000 I don't know why.
00:02:46.000 Because every scene, everything you saw on the news, it was always coming from New York because they were too lazy to get out in the rest of the world.
00:02:54.000 Right.
00:02:54.000 So that's what you would see.
00:02:56.000 I'm like, well, how is this happening?
00:02:59.000 Yeah.
00:03:00.000 It's a weird one.
00:03:01.000 That was a weird one.
00:03:02.000 Like, Easy E was the weirdest one because, like, what was he doing?
00:03:06.000 Like, was he doing intravenous drugs? 1.00
00:03:08.000 Was he having unprotected gay sex? 1.00
00:03:10.000 I believe it was unprotected sex. 1.00
00:03:12.000 No, it was just... 0.96
00:03:12.000 Just straight sex? 0.96
00:03:13.000 Yeah, but it was with a lot of... 0.94
00:03:16.000 Probably questionable girls that had used. 1.00
00:03:19.000 Right, but how does Tommy Lee not have AIDS then?
00:03:21.000 There's a lot of people that should have AIDS. He's got like hepatitis or something.
00:03:24.000 He does have that.
00:03:25.000 But doesn't he have that from heroin, allegedly?
00:03:28.000 I don't know. 0.96
00:03:29.000 I think they're all doing it in the butt. 0.99
00:03:31.000 Whoa, how dare you? 0.99
00:03:32.000 I'm just kidding.
00:03:34.000 I just want to start a rumor.
00:03:35.000 Well, didn't, I mean, isn't that the Charlie Sheen thing?
00:03:37.000 Charlie Sheen was blowing some guy, they were smoking crack, and there's a video, isn't that, allegedly?
00:03:41.000 Yeah, didn't I text you that video?
00:03:43.000 I have to say allegedly.
00:03:43.000 Yeah, you did, but I didn't know if it was real.
00:03:45.000 I just like when Charlie Sheen goes on Matt Lauer.
00:03:47.000 And it wasn't like Magic Johnson's spill, where it was like, and I'm going to be an activist for this.
00:03:52.000 He's like, it's over. 0.98
00:03:53.000 I'm not paying these whores any more money. 1.00
00:03:55.000 They're blackmailing me. 0.99
00:03:57.000 There was nothing that was good or productive with people.
00:04:00.000 I'm not an activist, no. 0.99
00:04:02.000 I'm just not paying these whores anymore. 1.00
00:04:04.000 I've paid 10 million dollars and I'm done. 0.99
00:04:05.000 He really paid 10 million dollars?
00:04:07.000 He had been blackmailed by a bunch of different women who had gone to his house and I guess opened his medicine cabinet and saw his HIV medication, took a picture with their cell phone and said, pay up or I'm sending this out to the press. 1.00
00:04:22.000 If I was Charlie Sheen, I'd take that shit to get high. 0.99
00:04:24.000 If you smoke crack and take HIV medication, you go to another dimension. 1.00
00:04:28.000 So good. 0.99
00:04:29.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.99
00:04:30.000 It's like Molly times 10. I throw a little Ritalin in there to fucking soothe it off at the end. 0.99
00:04:38.000 I mean, I've got to imagine that stuff has got to be at least somewhat psychoactive. 0.98
00:04:42.000 I don't know.
00:04:43.000 Yeah, if you drink and do drugs with it, too.
00:04:45.000 Like other street drugs with it.
00:04:47.000 Yeah, because if you do certain drugs with other drugs, it enhances them, right?
00:04:52.000 Candy flipping and all that jazz.
00:04:53.000 What is candy flipping? 0.98
00:04:54.000 Candy flipping is when the wacky kids, when they do the acid with molly, like they do MDMA and acid together.
00:05:02.000 Wow.
00:05:02.000 It's supposed to be amazing.
00:05:04.000 If you survive? 0.99
00:05:05.000 If I didn't have kids, I'd fucking jump in there. 0.99
00:05:07.000 I would give it a shot. 0.99
00:05:09.000 I'd be like, this might be worth dying for.
00:05:10.000 I can't leave behind.
00:05:12.000 How'd your dad die?
00:05:13.000 He was serving his country.
00:05:14.000 He was candy-flipping.
00:05:15.000 Yeah, my dad was candy-flipping with some 20-year-olds.
00:05:20.000 Well, Charlie Sheen's kids actually get to say that.
00:05:23.000 I guess, right?
00:05:24.000 I'm sure they brag about it.
00:05:25.000 Yeah, that's my old man. 1.00
00:05:27.000 That poor fuck. 1.00
00:05:28.000 He's a fascinating guy, though, because... 1.00
00:05:30.000 He is fascinating.
00:05:32.000 He was on one of the worst sitcoms ever that was successful. 0.97
00:05:36.000 Like, that fucking Two and a Half Men was so bad. 0.99
00:05:39.000 I tried to watch one episode. 0.99
00:05:42.000 I couldn't do it.
00:05:43.000 I mean, I couldn't even make it through, like, till the next break.
00:05:47.000 It's not for you.
00:05:48.000 No, it's not for me.
00:05:49.000 But it's for somebody, obviously.
00:05:50.000 Obviously.
00:05:51.000 It was giantly successful.
00:05:52.000 And to even have him fired and to bring another lead on and it still works.
00:05:57.000 But it didn't.
00:05:58.000 It canceled it.
00:06:00.000 I know, but I thought it worked for a while.
00:06:01.000 How long did they do it with Ashton Kutcher?
00:06:03.000 A couple years?
00:06:04.000 Yeah, it did work for...
00:06:06.000 They didn't even notice.
00:06:07.000 The people that are watching that, they're all on Oxys. 1.00
00:06:10.000 They're just fucking sitting in front of their TV, whacked out of their head. 0.99
00:06:14.000 Just waiting for the laugh track to kick in so they can laugh too. 0.99
00:06:21.000 When's the commercial going to be on?
00:06:22.000 They get excited for commercials.
00:06:23.000 Is the commercial going on soon?
00:06:25.000 And I'm sure the commercials were really appropriate for that show, too.
00:06:29.000 Well, those guys, that guy who Charlie Sheen feuded with, he's awesome at making those kind of sitcoms.
00:06:35.000 He's good at it.
00:06:36.000 He's done it a bunch. 1.00
00:06:38.000 Successful as shit, too. 1.00
00:06:39.000 That's impressive. 1.00
00:06:40.000 That guy, if I was on a sitcom with him, I would ask no questions. 0.99
00:06:43.000 He knows exactly what the fuck he's doing. 0.99
00:06:44.000 You'd read the script and go, this is the unfunniest thing I've ever read. 0.99
00:06:48.000 Roll.
00:06:48.000 I'm ready to go.
00:06:49.000 Yeah, just tell me what the words are right before I say them.
00:06:53.000 I'm not going to rehearse this.
00:06:55.000 Why would I rehearse this?
00:06:56.000 But it's perfect.
00:06:57.000 No, it's amazing.
00:06:58.000 It's really amazing.
00:06:58.000 He knows how to hit that frequency.
00:07:00.000 There's like a dog whistle.
00:07:03.000 Is it just...
00:07:04.000 Is it people on Oxy?
00:07:06.000 Do you think it's like kind of middle America?
00:07:07.000 Just get home from work and it's on CBS? There's definitely that.
00:07:13.000 There's definitely the middle America thing.
00:07:15.000 It's not offensive.
00:07:16.000 Yeah, it's not offensive.
00:07:17.000 And it's an easy watch, you know? 0.96
00:07:20.000 Like, I've always said, like, how the fuck does anybody watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians? 0.98
00:07:24.000 Until I watched it. 0.99
00:07:25.000 And the fucking thing is so bad, but it's compelling. 1.00
00:07:29.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:07:29.000 But you sit there out loud and just shit talk, like, aloud while watching. 1.00
00:07:33.000 I throw things, I punch my dog. 1.00
00:07:35.000 No, don't do that.
00:07:36.000 I feel like a lot of people hate watch it.
00:07:39.000 Yeah, they definitely hate watch it.
00:07:40.000 For sure.
00:07:41.000 I think there's plenty of people, sadly enough, that like it.
00:07:44.000 There's a lot of people that like it.
00:07:45.000 But I think a lot of people actually watch it just because they hate it.
00:07:47.000 Well, it's one of those things that they've become, there's so much focus on them that they've become a thing.
00:07:54.000 So when the camera's on people, I have this theory about television, fame, and just any form of media.
00:08:02.000 And my theory is that it hijacks these ancient reward systems that are in place for us to follow successful people.
00:08:10.000 So like, say if we were in a tribe together.
00:08:12.000 All right.
00:08:13.000 All the three of us, we're in a tribe together. 0.98
00:08:16.000 And Jamie just fucking slayed all the intruders and figured out how to get the food and knew where all the water was. 0.98
00:08:23.000 We'd be like, we gotta follow Jamie. 1.00
00:08:26.000 Jamie's a bad motherfucker. 1.00
00:08:27.000 We gotta follow him. 1.00
00:08:28.000 And so Jamie would talk in front of the campfire and we would listen.
00:08:30.000 Right.
00:08:32.000 That's sort of like a natural thing.
00:08:35.000 You follow successful behavior.
00:08:37.000 Well, when a camera's on someone, for whatever reason, we think that that person is successful.
00:08:44.000 So they talk and we see all the money they have.
00:08:47.000 We see the cars they drive and all the nails and the purses and all the jazz.
00:08:50.000 And we go, oh, they have all the good stuff.
00:08:52.000 We have to follow them.
00:08:54.000 And it sort of hijacks this thing that's...
00:08:56.000 I don't think we're designed for media.
00:08:59.000 I think that television and film and music and all that stuff, it hijacks this part of being a human being that is just unaccustomed to these sounds and these images.
00:09:11.000 Like you go to a movie and you see Brad Pitt or whatever. 0.99
00:09:16.000 His head is fucking 15 feet tall. 1.00
00:09:18.000 Right. 0.99
00:09:18.000 Every time he talks, the music plays, the words are perfect because they're all labored by a group of writers. 0.99
00:09:26.000 Right.
00:09:26.000 They've worked at it for weeks to get the right sequence of words and the right order and the right way to say it and they practiced it.
00:09:34.000 Right.
00:09:34.000 It hijacks you.
00:09:36.000 And then you run into them in person and you're like, oh shit, you are dumb. 1.00
00:09:39.000 Dude! 1.00
00:09:41.000 You're dumb as shit, holy hell. 1.00
00:09:43.000 There was an interview that he did once, I forget who the fuck it was, um, who he was doing an interview with, but I was like, who's this fucking moron that, uh, whoever the guy is, like, Larry King's interviewing. 1.00
00:09:53.000 Right. 1.00
00:09:53.000 Like, who the fuck is this? 1.00
00:09:54.000 It was on TV, and then I turned around the corner, and I saw that it was Brad Pitt, and I was like, holy shit! 1.00
00:10:00.000 Brad Pitt, dude. 0.99
00:10:03.000 Was it bad? 1.00
00:10:04.000 You're boring as fuck. 1.00
00:10:05.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:10:05.000 He's boring. 1.00
00:10:07.000 Is it worse that they're boring, or is it worse when they have been famous for so long that they have the answers to everything? 0.98
00:10:15.000 I think he's probably so tired from fucking Angelina Jolie all the time that he just has no energy for thinking. 0.98
00:10:21.000 And all those kids. 0.99
00:10:23.000 Yeah, those kids running around, screaming.
00:10:25.000 And before her, it was Jennifer Aniston, probably reading scripts with her all the time until 3 o'clock in the morning.
00:10:30.000 Just brushing each other's hair.
00:10:34.000 But he doesn't have to be.
00:10:36.000 It's almost like he's a lottery winner.
00:10:38.000 He's got great features.
00:10:39.000 He was a movie star from the time he was very young.
00:10:41.000 No need to develop a personality.
00:10:43.000 None whatsoever.
00:10:44.000 If you're pretty, it works for you.
00:10:45.000 But then again, here's my thing on Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.
00:10:49.000 Who, out of all the really famous movie star type people, has ever done more good?
00:10:56.000 Yeah, that is true.
00:10:57.000 They do so much good.
00:10:58.000 They're so charitable.
00:10:59.000 They're always involved in all these charitable...
00:11:05.000 Functions. 0.97
00:11:05.000 They go to the shitty parts of the world. 0.97
00:11:07.000 Yeah, constantly. 0.96
00:11:08.000 Like, I'm not going there.
00:11:08.000 They adopt, like, 50 kids a week.
00:11:10.000 You know, they're constantly adopting kids.
00:11:12.000 They have a gang of kids.
00:11:13.000 They have a gang of kids.
00:11:14.000 That's entirely true.
00:11:15.000 How do they give all those kids that attention? 0.99
00:11:16.000 Tribe.
00:11:16.000 They don't.
00:11:17.000 They have a tribe.
00:11:18.000 They don't.
00:11:18.000 I bet they each have a nanny.
00:11:20.000 Their own nanny? 1.00
00:11:21.000 I mean, they each have a spotter.
00:11:26.000 Each kid has their own.
00:11:28.000 Whether the dude's boring or not, but I don't know. 0.99
00:11:31.000 Maybe those fucking interviews are boring, too. 0.99
00:11:33.000 It's hard to... 1.00
00:11:34.000 Well, with Larry King, Jesus.
00:11:35.000 I don't even know if it was Larry King.
00:11:37.000 I can't remember who the hell it was he was talking to, but I remember I was in the other room, and I was like, who's this boring dude that's getting interviewed?
00:11:43.000 And then I turned the corner, and I was like, that's Brad Pitt! 0.92
00:11:46.000 Oh, Brad, you're boring.
00:11:47.000 Why are you boring? 1.00
00:11:49.000 You should be fucking psyched. 1.00
00:11:51.000 You should be like, I'm Brad Pitt! 1.00
00:11:52.000 Woo! 0.99
00:11:53.000 I think it's really funny when you go to like...
00:11:55.000 If I have people coming to town, they always want to go to a taping of a show.
00:11:58.000 Oh, right.
00:11:59.000 So I'll use whatever connection I have.
00:12:01.000 Okay, we'll go to this.
00:12:02.000 I love watching the painful look on the interviewer's face during commercials.
00:12:07.000 You know, like whoever's show it is. 1.00
00:12:09.000 Like, who booked that fucking guy? 0.98
00:12:11.000 Where they're just reaching, and it's really hard. 0.99
00:12:14.000 You can tell.
00:12:15.000 Then there's those guests that just get it.
00:12:17.000 They're very likable, and they're good at it, and they're chatty, and work the crowd and everything.
00:12:21.000 I saw, I think it was Nick Cannon was on Ellen. 0.98
00:12:26.000 I don't give two shits about Nick Cannon. 0.99
00:12:28.000 I don't. 0.98
00:12:28.000 But the guy did it right. 0.98
00:12:30.000 Like, he was good with that audience.
00:12:32.000 You know, he said the little funny jokes and he was real.
00:12:35.000 And then I saw some other guy go on and he's like, well, this is one of my first interviews I've given on Empire.
00:12:44.000 I was like, I don't watch Empire.
00:12:47.000 This sad clap from the audience. 0.95
00:12:50.000 He had prepped whatever it was he was going to say, but everything he wanted to say was so fucking lame that you just had to watch her face was just like, mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 0.90
00:13:01.000 Yeah, just struggling to be enthusiastic. 0.95
00:13:04.000 Just struggling through the whole thing.
00:13:05.000 I was like, God, God.
00:13:06.000 Well, that's the worst part about those shows and the best part about doing a podcast.
00:13:10.000 Like, I only have people on that I want to have on, so it's all up to me.
00:13:13.000 I decide, like, hey, maybe Jenny Johnson High Five would be awesome to have on a podcast. 1.00
00:13:18.000 Boom.
00:13:18.000 And then those people, they have to get, like, people that are on radio shows or radio shows?
00:13:25.000 They don't ever interview radio show people.
00:13:27.000 I think I made that up.
00:13:28.000 Other than Howard Stern.
00:13:30.000 What radio guy ever gets interviewed?
00:13:32.000 None.
00:13:33.000 None.
00:13:34.000 I was going to say like Rush. 0.98
00:13:35.000 But they have to interview people they don't really give a fuck about. 0.95
00:13:38.000 It's like CNN or whoever it is that they work for sets it up. 0.99
00:13:41.000 One of my favorite ones was when Chelsea Handler was on with Fuckhead. 1.00
00:13:45.000 What's his name? 0.90
00:13:46.000 The English dude? 0.89
00:13:48.000 That doesn't work there anymore?
00:13:50.000 Oh, uh...
00:13:51.000 Piers Morgan.
00:13:52.000 Piers Morgan.
00:13:52.000 God.
00:13:54.000 Oh, fucking Tool. 1.00
00:13:55.000 He's so gross. 1.00
00:13:56.000 Yeah. 0.96
00:13:57.000 But, I don't know him.
00:13:58.000 Maybe he's a nice guy.
00:13:59.000 Maybe I should stop saying that. 0.97
00:14:00.000 He's gross on his show. 0.94
00:14:01.000 Eh, I'm not a fan. 1.00
00:14:02.000 All the shit he says, too, I'm like, hmm. 1.00
00:14:05.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:14:05.000 Well, he came from a tabloid environment. 1.00
00:14:08.000 Right.
00:14:08.000 Then he worked for, like, The Sun or one of those rags over there.
00:14:11.000 He worked for that company that got caught.
00:14:13.000 Tapping into the voicemails of people that had died and the family got upset because they thought that the person was still alive because they were checking their voicemail, but it was actually whatever tabloid was doing. 0.99
00:14:24.000 Yeah, whatever shit. 0.99
00:14:25.000 Whole person sold their soul to the devil. 1.00
00:14:27.000 But Chelsea Handler did it. 0.99
00:14:29.000 And Chelsea Handler gives zero fucks. 1.00
00:14:30.000 She doesn't have any fucks left. 1.00
00:14:31.000 She does not care. 1.00
00:14:32.000 She has no fucks. 1.00
00:14:33.000 Does not care. 1.00
00:14:34.000 And she tortured him.
00:14:35.000 She tortured him.
00:14:35.000 Right.
00:14:36.000 Because she was like, no wonder why your show is getting canceled. 1.00
00:14:38.000 Like, you're fucking terrible at this. 0.99
00:14:39.000 And she was calling him out in between takes. 1.00
00:14:42.000 He didn't talk to her.
00:14:44.000 He would just start checking his phone, looking at Twitter, seeing what people thought about him.
00:14:50.000 It's hilarious.
00:14:51.000 She brutalized him.
00:14:52.000 She's one of many.
00:14:54.000 He just goes into these debates unarmed.
00:14:57.000 He went into this debate with Ben Shapiro, who's this right-wing guy.
00:15:01.000 He's a very smart guy. 0.99
00:15:03.000 If you're going to debate this guy, you've got to have your fucking facts in order. 0.99
00:15:07.000 And he just didn't. 0.99
00:15:08.000 He went into this gun debate with him and he got just destroyed.
00:15:11.000 And he called him out on his outrage peddling that he was immediately going to, in the debate, that he was going to immediately bring up Sandy Hook and bring up all these different people and the children that died, and that he was going to immediately use that as this cry for outrage.
00:15:29.000 Right.
00:15:29.000 And he called him on it before he could ever do it.
00:15:31.000 And you could see Pierce Morgan was like, he had taken all his weapons away.
00:15:35.000 He had nothing.
00:15:36.000 It was like the end of Eight Mile.
00:15:37.000 It's brutal.
00:15:38.000 Have you ever seen it?
00:15:38.000 Have you ever seen him do it?
00:15:39.000 Oh, who?
00:15:40.000 Pierce Morgan?
00:15:41.000 Is this Pierce Morgan and Ben Shapiro thing?
00:15:42.000 I haven't seen that one.
00:15:43.000 It's pretty good.
00:15:43.000 You want to watch it?
00:15:44.000 Yeah, I'll totally watch it.
00:15:45.000 Okay, let's watch it.
00:15:46.000 Pull up, Pierce Morgan gets destroyed by Ben Shapiro.
00:15:51.000 I kind of love that, though. 1.00
00:15:52.000 I like when people are just, I can't stand all that stupid... 0.99
00:15:57.000 Well, those shows, that whole type of show, it only exists because you have a network, right? 0.99
00:16:04.000 So you have a network, which is this gigantic thing that has had programs on forever, and they have all these advertisers they do business with, and they have these commercials they're going to sell.
00:16:12.000 So essentially, the show is only an advertiser for advertisers.
00:16:16.000 That's what it is.
00:16:17.000 All these interviews and all the different programs they have, all they're doing is trying to get you to lock in long enough so they can slip an ad in.
00:16:26.000 Right.
00:16:26.000 So every 15 minutes, they'll slip ads in, and that's what they sell.
00:16:29.000 Yeah.
00:16:30.000 What they really sell is ads.
00:16:31.000 Oh, yeah.
00:16:31.000 Totally.
00:16:31.000 So they don't give a fuck what you want.
00:16:34.000 It's not personality-driven. 0.98
00:16:35.000 It's not about establishing something that's interesting and fascinating and, hey, we're doing good work here.
00:16:40.000 No, it's just about selling ads.
00:16:42.000 Yeah.
00:16:42.000 I was a news producer for, like, almost 12 years.
00:16:45.000 Were you really?
00:16:46.000 Yeah.
00:16:46.000 Where?
00:16:47.000 In Austin, San Antonio, and Houston.
00:16:49.000 Oh, wow.
00:16:50.000 Powerful Texas news.
00:16:51.000 Talk a lot about evolution or not?
00:16:52.000 Well, I did sports producing first, and then I just wanted to make more money, so I got into news. 0.97
00:16:56.000 But it was still, like, you know, you have to know all that crap. 0.95
00:16:59.000 You have to get your stories. 0.99
00:17:02.000 Here, here, we'll watch this.
00:17:04.000 Pierce Morgan gets owned by Ben Javiro.
00:17:05.000 It's a great posture.
00:17:06.000 It's a two-minute video, so I found, like, a five-minute version, so this is a little bit longer.
00:17:09.000 Okay.
00:17:09.000 Okay.
00:17:15.000 Why are there sounds so shitty?
00:17:18.000 I think someone taped the TV. Oh. 0.51
00:17:21.000 No, it's okay.
00:17:24.000 Honestly, Piers, you've kind of been a bully on this issue because what you do, and I've seen it repeatedly on your show, I watch your show, and I've seen it repeatedly, what you tend to do is you tend to demonize people who differ from you politically by standing on the graves of the children of Sandy Hook, saying they don't seem to care enough about the dead kids.
00:17:39.000 If they cared more about the dead kids, they would agree with you on policy.
00:17:41.000 I think we can have a rational...
00:17:43.000 Political conversation about balancing rights and risks and rewards of all of these different policies, but I don't think that what we need to do is demonize people on the other side as being unfeeling about what happened in San Diego.
00:17:55.000 How dare you accuse me of standing on the grades of the children that died there?
00:17:59.000 How dare you?
00:17:59.000 I've seen you do it repeatedly, Piers.
00:18:01.000 I mean, you can keep saying that, but you've done it repeatedly.
00:18:04.000 What you do, and I've seen you do it on the program, is you keep saying to folks that if they disagree with you politically, then somehow this is a violation of what happened in Sandy Hook.
00:18:14.000 And I'd really like to hear your policy prescriptions for what we should do about guns.
00:18:19.000 Because you say that you respect the Second Amendment, and I brought this here for you so that you can read it.
00:18:23.000 It's the Constitution.
00:18:25.000 And I would really like for you to explain to me what you would do about guns that would have prevented what happened in Sandy Hook.
00:18:30.000 If you want to do what you did in the UK, right, which is ban virtually all guns, that is at least a fair argument. 1.00
00:18:35.000 And we can have a discussion about whether that's something that we ought to do.
00:18:38.000 I've made it very clear what I want to do, which is exactly what Mark Kelly wants to do.
00:18:41.000 In fact, rather than address your comments to me about standing on the graves of children in Sandy Hook, you can address them to Mark Kelly, because he agrees with everything that What is that?
00:18:56.000 Talk to someone else?
00:18:58.000 Mark Kelly was, I think it was Gabby Gifford's husband.
00:19:01.000 Was it?
00:19:01.000 Yeah.
00:19:02.000 Or is.
00:19:02.000 Yeah.
00:19:03.000 So he's just now picking a different shooting to jump on piggyback on.
00:19:07.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:19:07.000 That's what he does.
00:19:08.000 He's a cunt. 1.00
00:19:09.000 Yeah, total. 1.00
00:19:09.000 Yeah, we got him. 1.00
00:19:10.000 That's it.
00:19:11.000 Everybody agrees.
00:19:12.000 What was it like doing news work?
00:19:15.000 I mean, it was fun.
00:19:16.000 If it bleeds, it leads.
00:19:18.000 Is that true?
00:19:18.000 Like, what are the conversations?
00:19:19.000 Is it like that Nightcrawler show with that Nightcrawler movie?
00:19:22.000 Is that what it is?
00:19:22.000 Yeah, it's like, if somebody could burn a bag of babies, we'd have a lead tonight.
00:19:25.000 No, it's not like that. 0.95
00:19:27.000 Burn a bag of babies?
00:19:29.000 No, it's just, you know, whatever's new.
00:19:31.000 Whatever's, you know, when Houston, you know, sometimes it'd be an apartment fire in Southwest Houston.
00:19:36.000 Like, it's just whatever's happening.
00:19:37.000 You know, it's local news.
00:19:39.000 And so in Austin, I did more sports, which was more fun.
00:19:43.000 And then when I made the transition to news, I was in San Antonio and then in Houston.
00:19:47.000 And as a producer, you know, you write the newscast.
00:19:50.000 You're writing what the anchors say.
00:19:52.000 They're talking heads.
00:19:53.000 Right.
00:19:53.000 And then you go in the booth, you...
00:19:55.000 All right.
00:19:56.000 Three, two, and...
00:19:59.000 You know, it was fun for a while and then I think it actually got under my skin a little bit.
00:20:02.000 I was always doing like comedy and stand-up and everything on the side.
00:20:05.000 And then when I realized I could do that full-time instead of news, I got out.
00:20:11.000 So even while you were doing the news, you were still doing like stand-up around town?
00:20:15.000 Yep.
00:20:16.000 Was this during the Laugh Stop days in Houston?
00:20:19.000 I did more in Austin.
00:20:21.000 It was like 2000 to 2004, maybe.
00:20:25.000 Okay, so Cap City.
00:20:26.000 Did you do Cap City?
00:20:27.000 I opened at Cap City one time.
00:20:29.000 I did the ones on 6th Street, like Velveeta Room.
00:20:31.000 Okay, Velveeta Room is great.
00:20:33.000 I mean, I was just learning.
00:20:34.000 I was just starting out, so it wasn't that great.
00:20:37.000 I wasn't going to be a headliner at Cap City at that point.
00:20:39.000 What is it like working with newscasters?
00:20:41.000 Because they are the most bizarre television personalities.
00:20:45.000 It's like there's really nobody that is more arrogant than your local newscaster.
00:20:49.000 You know, because it's that person that's been there forever.
00:20:54.000 And everyone around town knows them.
00:20:56.000 But the moment they cross out of town, nobody knows who they are.
00:20:58.000 So they're very big, big egos.
00:21:02.000 And sometimes they'll try to, you know, flex nuts and go, this isn't ready.
00:21:05.000 I just sit down, old man.
00:21:07.000 You know, just put To staying on. 0.98
00:21:09.000 Like, I would never take shit from them, but a lot of people would get their feelings hurt sometimes. 0.97
00:21:14.000 Well, they're bizarre folks because they're in entertainment. 0.99
00:21:17.000 Mm-hmm.
00:21:17.000 They're essentially, what their entertainment is, they have a voice that's soothing for the news.
00:21:24.000 There's a way of delivering the news.
00:21:27.000 It's like the way someone would sing a song, where the melody interacts with your ears in a very pleasant way.
00:21:35.000 And just to go from story to story, and you just try to make it more interesting, so the director's like, let's do a two-shot, all right, let's go to one. 1.00
00:21:41.000 My favorite is when they do banter in between, and then you get to find out how fucking stupid they really are. 0.99
00:21:47.000 From weather to, from anchor to weather, from news to sports. 1.00
00:21:52.000 And it's like, so it's just like we were saying about that game yesterday, huh?
00:21:55.000 Right there.
00:21:56.000 Exactly.
00:21:57.000 And it's so funny.
00:21:59.000 We would just be in the soundproof booth.
00:22:01.000 Jesus Christ, this is the worst thing ever.
00:22:04.000 Well, that's certainly interesting.
00:22:07.000 In local news...
00:22:08.000 Hey, you're taking the kids to the ballpark this weekend.
00:22:09.000 I'm going to go ahead and let you know.
00:22:10.000 We're looking at it right there. 1.00
00:22:11.000 You're like, shit. 1.00
00:22:14.000 Make it stop. 1.00
00:22:16.000 Did you ever see that one where the girl, she was talking about, she was trying to talk about music, and she used the term jigaboo.
00:22:24.000 She was like, jigaboo music? 0.91
00:22:26.000 Have you ever seen it?
00:22:27.000 I don't think I've seen it.
00:22:28.000 I thought I'd seen them all, too.
00:22:29.000 She didn't know.
00:22:31.000 Was she a reporter?
00:22:32.000 Yes!
00:22:32.000 Yes, she was a reporter.
00:22:34.000 And she was talking about something.
00:22:35.000 She goes, oh, you know, it's like that Jigaboo music.
00:22:38.000 It's like Jigaboo music. 1.00
00:22:39.000 And the person she was talking to was a fucking black guy. 1.00
00:22:42.000 And he was like, it was a black guy, right? 1.00
00:22:44.000 Wasn't it?
00:22:45.000 Yeah, well, here.
00:22:46.000 Baby girl, baby girl.
00:22:47.000 No, no, no.
00:22:49.000 First of all, you look deep in her eyes, you see the back of her skull.
00:22:53.000 And look at the dude.
00:22:54.000 I just want to take a moment to address a comment that I made yesterday.
00:22:57.000 Oh, this is her apology.
00:22:59.000 This is her apology.
00:23:01.000 Oh, just take a moment.
00:23:03.000 You know what's also really funny?
00:23:04.000 Have you ever noticed, like, your local...
00:23:06.000 As tribute to the sound of music afterwards, Jeannie Andrews joined on stage, gave her a hug, and called it...
00:23:25.000 Look at his face!
00:23:26.000 Look at his face!
00:23:30.000 And he's like, I mean, your family knows, right?
00:23:33.000 Jigaboo, yeah, that's what it's called.
00:23:35.000 Gorgeous voice.
00:23:36.000 He's like, she's got a beautiful voice.
00:23:37.000 Yes.
00:23:38.000 Yes. 1.00
00:23:40.000 You fucking white bitch. 1.00
00:23:41.000 He's going you in trouble. 1.00
00:23:42.000 Yeah, I'm going to smile through this and keep my job.
00:23:45.000 We'll just wait until that commercial break when I explain to you...
00:23:49.000 What you've just done to our viewers.
00:23:52.000 Jigaboo.
00:23:53.000 Jigaboo.
00:23:54.000 We would have...
00:23:55.000 I think one of the funnier things...
00:23:57.000 It shouldn't be funny, but it was funny.
00:24:00.000 So our reporters are out doing live shots or whatever's going on.
00:24:05.000 And they're in a live truck, so they have to feed the video.
00:24:07.000 And we'll cut the video and say, what's the in-out cue of that voicemail?
00:24:11.000 I mean, the vosad or whatever.
00:24:13.000 So if there was something that was like...
00:24:18.000 There was a drive-by shooting.
00:24:19.000 Now, that's not funny.
00:24:21.000 But witnesses to things like that.
00:24:24.000 When the camera gets on them, there was like a lady holding her baby. 0.93
00:24:28.000 They had a Coke in the bottle.
00:24:30.000 She's wearing a Boyz II Men t-shirt.
00:24:32.000 And she was like, well, you know, this here, Darius, and he's so cute.
00:24:37.000 And we want him to do modeling.
00:24:38.000 Wait a minute.
00:24:39.000 Did you say Coke?
00:24:40.000 Like Coca-Cola?
00:24:41.000 Coca-Cola.
00:24:42.000 For the baby.
00:24:42.000 Yeah, you know, like that kind of classy thing.
00:24:44.000 Wait a minute, she gave the baby Coca-Cola? 0.77
00:24:46.000 Yeah, the baby was drinking, like, a soft drink out of a bottle. 1.00
00:24:48.000 Cut the fucking shit. 1.00
00:24:49.000 No, I'm not. 1.00
00:24:50.000 This is like, you know, projects.
00:24:51.000 It's like, you know, it's... 0.99
00:24:52.000 Do you know how much sugar is in a fucking Coke? 1.00
00:24:55.000 Like, think about the size of a baby's body. 1.00
00:24:57.000 Well, the baby just had bullets whizzing by.
00:24:58.000 It said two through the drive-by, so...
00:25:00.000 Maybe it...
00:25:01.000 Yeah, I mean, it was just...
00:25:03.000 And then the mom just promoting...
00:25:07.000 We're good to go.
00:25:13.000 We're good to go.
00:25:25.000 While you interview him for crimes, did you see the drive-by?
00:25:29.000 Yes, I did.
00:25:30.000 This store was broken into and the clerk was shot.
00:25:36.000 Here's this witness here.
00:25:37.000 What's your name, sir?
00:25:38.000 Because the camera got off to say, say your name, spell it, so that we can cut it.
00:25:42.000 I mean, these don't even make the air, but it would just be like, so, okay, now tell us what you saw.
00:25:49.000 Well, one, two, three, I saw the moment.
00:25:51.000 It just starts rapping.
00:25:53.000 You're like...
00:25:54.000 This is your big break?
00:25:55.000 This is what you chose to, like, this is never gonna make the air, dude.
00:25:58.000 I guess they think maybe.
00:26:00.000 Well, they don't know.
00:26:01.000 They don't know.
00:26:02.000 Well, there's layers and layers in our society of people that are in the worst possible scenario and the best possible scenario.
00:26:10.000 That's one of the worst scenarios we have available in the United States of America is the ghetto. 0.96
00:26:15.000 Yeah, you would see it.
00:26:17.000 And it was just so like, oh, my God, I cannot believe y'all shot this. 0.64
00:26:20.000 And half the time I'm like, I know the camera was fucking with me, you know, like sending that in. 0.91
00:26:24.000 Like, I think you're going to like this, you know, the soundbite we just got. 0.99
00:26:28.000 Did you get jaded at all, seeing really fucked up shit over and over and over again? 0.99
00:26:32.000 I did, and that started to bother me. 0.99
00:26:34.000 I could just see it, write it, put it in, and I could remove myself from that situation.
00:26:41.000 But then there would just be those times that something really bad happened, and it's like...
00:26:45.000 It was personal or it was, like, we actually had our Sky Eye helicopter.
00:26:51.000 It crashed and the two people were killed, like our co-workers.
00:26:54.000 And so that was something that was like, it was kind of the first, like the beginning of the end for me where I couldn't stop, you know, I couldn't do what I used to do.
00:27:02.000 Like everything felt very personal.
00:27:04.000 Oh, wow. 0.97
00:27:05.000 Yeah, so that was kind of a, that sucked.
00:27:08.000 But I was, you know, I'm glad I did it for as long as I did and, you know, I did well.
00:27:12.000 Do you talk about it on stage at all?
00:27:15.000 Yeah, sometimes, but I guess sometimes.
00:27:19.000 It just depends on the context or whatever's going on, but sometimes I'll talk about it.
00:27:22.000 It seems like it would be ripe, or maybe write something about it, because it seems like it would be so ripe for material.
00:27:30.000 Like that movie, it is Night Stalker, right?
00:27:32.000 Is that what it is?
00:27:32.000 Nightcrawler?
00:27:33.000 Oh, Nightcrawler.
00:27:34.000 I haven't even seen that one yet, but I should have.
00:27:35.000 It's great.
00:27:35.000 Yeah, I heard it was good.
00:27:36.000 It's great.
00:27:37.000 It's really creepy. 0.99
00:27:38.000 He looks real weird and shit. 1.00
00:27:42.000 He's all scrawny and creepy looking. 0.99
00:27:43.000 He's so good. 0.94
00:27:44.000 He's such a good creeper.
00:27:45.000 Like, it's perfect.
00:27:47.000 Like, maybe it's too good.
00:27:48.000 Well, I just think he's that guy.
00:27:50.000 He can become, not that guy, but he can become people.
00:27:55.000 And he just did such a good job of capturing sort of sociopathic Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:28:16.000 Like, you know, just trying to call people and trying to dig up shit, and you're just, yeah. 0.98
00:28:21.000 Wasn't for me after a while. 0.97
00:28:22.000 I can imagine.
00:28:23.000 I have a friend who's a cop, and he's told me that they'll get to a scene, and someone who's been shot, and people, you know, no one even bats an eye.
00:28:32.000 Yeah.
00:28:32.000 They'll start eating donuts, like, literally eating donuts, like, right next to the body.
00:28:36.000 Right.
00:28:37.000 Like, no one cares.
00:28:37.000 Because of them, it's work.
00:28:38.000 It's just a crime scene.
00:28:39.000 They'll start cracking jokes.
00:28:40.000 Sure.
00:28:41.000 Yeah.
00:28:41.000 Yeah, and that, you know, I don't want to say, like, I went there, but I mean, sometimes, you know, like, we would see a video, the full video, before it's been edited, then we would edit out the dead part, you know, the...
00:28:53.000 And it is weird when you're just doing that and thinking absolutely nothing of it.
00:28:58.000 Just...
00:28:59.000 Is there any pressure to show more?
00:29:03.000 No, because there's libel laws that you have to follow in news.
00:29:07.000 You have to know those going into it, that what you can and can't say, what you can and can't show.
00:29:13.000 You can't say allegedly.
00:29:17.000 There's certain things like that.
00:29:18.000 You can't say it's a fact when...
00:29:21.000 It has to come from a legit news source, so the Associated Press or CNN. You have to be able to cite the source that you got the information from.
00:29:29.000 You can't just say, my aunt called and said, this just happened.
00:29:34.000 That's not incredible.
00:29:35.000 One of my favorite ones is this news report on an arson.
00:29:39.000 These people, their house got lit on fire, and this girl is interviewed, and she's like, I don't want to name no names, but it was my cousin, because he's been trying to get with me.
00:29:50.000 And I think he's the one that lit the house on fire.
00:29:52.000 Like, what? 0.99
00:29:52.000 He's been trying to have sex with me? 0.99
00:29:54.000 Have you seen that, Jamie? 0.99
00:29:55.000 Yeah.
00:29:56.000 Pull that one up. 0.96
00:29:57.000 See if you can...
00:30:01.000 Because we broke up and he's mad about it.
00:30:03.000 It's so hilarious.
00:30:05.000 This lady is being interviewed.
00:30:06.000 But they're not even batting an eye.
00:30:07.000 It's just like, yeah, that's why.
00:30:09.000 She's like, I don't want to name no names.
00:30:14.000 Here we go. 1.00
00:30:35.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:30:46.000 My neighbors, I opened up the door and my neighbors were like, get out, get out, you know? 1.00
00:30:51.000 So when I opened up the door, I see just blazing from the garage.
00:30:56.000 And I woke him up, my husband.
00:30:58.000 Look at the husband! 1.00
00:31:01.000 I had him move the vehicles out of the way and I had him go back in the house to get our two dogs that we had in there.
00:31:08.000 When you got outside and you saw what was happening, you saw what was going on, what were your thoughts?
00:31:13.000 Look at the guys facing the background.
00:31:14.000 Oh my gosh.
00:31:15.000 Oh my gosh.
00:31:16.000 You know, I didn't ever think it was gonna happen to us.
00:31:19.000 Do you know how this fire started?
00:31:21.000 Here we go.
00:31:22.000 Yes, I do.
00:31:23.000 It was because of my cousin.
00:31:24.000 And I don't want to mention no names.
00:31:27.000 Your cousin?
00:31:28.000 Yes.
00:31:29.000 And you said you think your cousin started this, do you know how or why?
00:31:34.000 He's mad because he can't get with me.
00:31:36.000 I'm married to my husband.
00:31:39.000 My second cousin.
00:31:42.000 He already put him in the hospital once last month.
00:31:46.000 And he figured he's going to do something else to get back.
00:31:51.000 This should be on cops, not on the news.
00:31:55.000 Oh, look at the guy.
00:31:56.000 How is he not dying laughing?
00:31:58.000 Well, he's not very good at his job either. 0.60
00:32:00.000 He's kind of clunky.
00:32:02.000 It's a tough gig.
00:32:03.000 It is a tough gig.
00:32:04.000 That guy's not...
00:32:05.000 That's not a normal reaction to someone saying that.
00:32:07.000 The normal reaction was like, what?
00:32:08.000 Your cousin?
00:32:09.000 Hold up.
00:32:11.000 I mean, he's got to stand there with his tie and act professional. 1.00
00:32:15.000 Yeah, and not smile or laugh or go, what the fuck? 1.00
00:32:18.000 First of all, where's that fucking town? 1.00
00:32:20.000 What is it? 1.00
00:32:22.000 Deliveranceburg.
00:32:22.000 Deliveranceburg.
00:32:24.000 But it's always those weirdo towns.
00:32:26.000 I have a friend, she works out here for the local Fox station.
00:32:29.000 Lauren Sivan is her name. 0.98
00:32:31.000 I love it because she's made the soup TMZ for all her fuck-ups on here. 0.98
00:32:37.000 Called John Bain or John Boner. 0.98
00:32:38.000 It looks like Boner.
00:32:41.000 It does look like Boner.
00:32:42.000 If I saw that in a teleprompter, I would have to...
00:32:46.000 Did you hear what happened with him?
00:32:47.000 He got busted because he's renting an apartment that is owned by the indoor tanning lobby.
00:32:54.000 Stop it.
00:32:55.000 No, for real.
00:32:56.000 That's a joke.
00:32:57.000 That's gotta be a joke.
00:32:57.000 With his orange face.
00:32:58.000 Did I retweet it?
00:32:59.000 Did I retweet it today?
00:33:02.000 This girl Jen Briney, how do you say her name? 0.98
00:33:05.000 She tweeted it at me. 0.96
00:33:07.000 Please tell me I retweeted it because it's so ridiculous. 0.87
00:33:12.000 See, it's not a news story?
00:33:13.000 No, it's from 2013. What?
00:33:15.000 Yeah.
00:33:16.000 Really?
00:33:16.000 Yeah, I'll show you that.
00:33:19.000 Well, everybody's always wondered why this guy's tan all the time.
00:33:21.000 He's always said, no, no, no, no.
00:33:23.000 Yeah, I mean, he looks bright orange when you're watching those State of the Union.
00:33:26.000 Tanning bed lobbyist.
00:33:30.000 Indoor tanning.
00:33:31.000 Look at his face. 1.00
00:33:32.000 He's fucking orange. 1.00
00:33:33.000 He's long denied that his perpetual skin color is a result of sunless tanning. 1.00
00:33:38.000 He just spends a lot of time outdoors, the Ohio Republican is known to say.
00:33:42.000 But despite his repeated denials of using tanning beds, Boner has ties to the industry.
00:33:47.000 You just said Boner, too?
00:33:48.000 I'm saying it from now on.
00:33:49.000 It's Boner.
00:33:50.000 It's B-O-E-H-N-E-R. It's Boner. 1.00
00:33:53.000 It's Boner.
00:33:54.000 I agree.
00:33:54.000 How do you get Boehner out of that?
00:33:57.000 That's not Bane.
00:33:58.000 No, that's not Boehner.
00:33:59.000 Boehner's B-A-N-E-R. That's Boner.
00:34:02.000 Not only has he accepted campaign contributions from a group called the Indoor Tanning Association, Boner actually lives in a D.C. apartment owned by a lobbyist for the American Sun Tanning Association.
00:34:14.000 First of all, how gross is politics? 0.99
00:34:17.000 This fucking guy can live in an apartment owned by a lobbyist? 0.99
00:34:22.000 But the Indoor Tanning Association, that's a real... 1.00
00:34:26.000 The American Sun Tanning Association, that's a real group.
00:34:29.000 Yeah.
00:34:29.000 I did not know that that was...
00:34:30.000 How can that even be a group?
00:34:31.000 How is he only paying $1,600 a month for rent? 0.99
00:34:37.000 In D.C. D.C.'s fucking expensive. 1.00
00:34:40.000 That guy's crooked. 1.00
00:34:42.000 D.C.'s crooked, too. 0.97
00:34:43.000 There's something else going on. 0.98
00:34:44.000 Oh, he's so crooked. 0.97
00:34:44.000 That's the most crooked town everywhere. 0.97
00:34:46.000 It's so crooked. 1.00
00:34:48.000 I hate all politicians. 0.98
00:34:48.000 I'm a political atheist. 0.98
00:34:50.000 Are you really?
00:34:50.000 I don't believe in any of them.
00:34:50.000 Good for you.
00:34:51.000 Me, too.
00:34:52.000 Well, they all end up lying.
00:34:53.000 I mean, you're banking on somebody...
00:34:56.000 Wait a minute.
00:34:57.000 Bernie Sanders?
00:34:57.000 You think he's lying?
00:34:59.000 Bernie...
00:35:00.000 I think Bernie needs to run for, like, a Homeowners Association presidency.
00:35:05.000 Like in Boca Raton or something like that.
00:35:07.000 Or Bernie.
00:35:08.000 A nice cul-de-sac group.
00:35:10.000 Yeah, just, you know...
00:35:11.000 I'm the president of this cul-de-sac!
00:35:13.000 Ping-pong championships.
00:35:14.000 The 1% of the cul-de-sac! 0.99
00:35:18.000 Bernie Sanders is an interesting guy, though.
00:35:20.000 He's at least getting young people excited because they're hoping and praying that someone is different and no one is different but him.
00:35:26.000 He's the one guy that's coming along that's saying...
00:35:28.000 Hey, Trump's different.
00:35:29.000 In a way.
00:35:30.000 In a bad way, but he is...
00:35:32.000 I actually will say...
00:35:34.000 Backed into a corner.
00:35:35.000 Somebody was like, well, say something nice.
00:35:36.000 I'm like, he's not lying.
00:35:37.000 I believe he believes every single thing that he's saying.
00:35:41.000 I don't think he has a team of campaign managers telling him what to say.
00:35:44.000 Yeah.
00:35:44.000 I'm pretty sure that, like, he just gets up there and just starts spewing crazy, but he believes it.
00:35:50.000 Yeah, he just lets it rip.
00:35:51.000 He's worth a few billion. 1.00
00:35:52.000 He's like, fuck it, let's roll the shit. 1.00
00:35:53.000 Yeah, I mean, there's something that's kind of hilarious about that part, but other than that, they're all full of shit. 1.00
00:35:58.000 There's a recent bill or a vote that's going to take place in the UK to try to ban him from entering the UK for hate speech. 0.99
00:36:07.000 This is like a serious consideration that's going on right now for the stuff that he said about Muslims. 0.71
00:36:16.000 He just said, I mean, at some point you're like, I think that everybody was kind of on board at first, like all the old crazies.
00:36:23.000 Finally, somebody's saying what we're all thinking, you know, those kind of people.
00:36:25.000 And then he just hasn't stopped talking.
00:36:28.000 And I think now they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:36:31.000 Come on, buddy.
00:36:33.000 You crossed?
00:36:33.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:36:34.000 Like, we got your back, but now you're kind of spewing some crazy. 0.96
00:36:37.000 Like, I actually think that, like, all these old people that like them believe that Muslim is, you know, a terrorist organization group. 0.99
00:36:45.000 Like, I don't think that they get that that's...
00:36:47.000 That's like they think Al Jazeera.
00:36:49.000 That's actually a TV channel.
00:36:51.000 It's not a...
00:36:52.000 Like the Taliban or ISIS. It sounds like it. 0.99
00:36:54.000 Brown people. 0.96
00:36:55.000 Sounds like Jihad. 0.89
00:36:57.000 Al Jihad. 0.91
00:36:59.000 What's in Muhammad's of Jihad and whatever. 0.66
00:37:02.000 Yeah.
00:37:03.000 Well, people are terrified of people from other cultures always, but when you got other cultures that are involved in things like, you know, in ISIS. But what people have to understand is...
00:37:14.000 People, ISIS is killing more Muslims than there are anybody. 0.98
00:37:17.000 Most of the people that they're killing are Muslims. 1.00
00:37:19.000 No, they're just bad. 1.00
00:37:21.000 They're just bad. 1.00
00:37:22.000 They're criminals. 0.65
00:37:24.000 I mean, I don't know why this annoys me, but when I'm watching the news or reading the news, which I prefer to read it because it annoys me not to watch it, But people will say, well, you know, we're waiting to find out if this was a terrorist attack. 0.51
00:37:38.000 Like the San Bernardino thing.
00:37:39.000 Right.
00:37:39.000 Before they release those names.
00:37:41.000 Once they release their names, therefore it became a terrorist attack.
00:37:45.000 Don't you think that, like, the Sandy Hook guy, that was kind of...
00:37:48.000 100%.
00:37:49.000 He was terrorizing people.
00:37:51.000 Sure. 0.98
00:37:52.000 But I like that they have to be brown in order to be a terrorist. 1.00
00:37:55.000 Sure. 0.97
00:37:55.000 Well, that's our new enemy. 0.97
00:37:56.000 Isn't that weird, though?
00:37:57.000 Our new enemy is the war on terror.
00:38:00.000 And terror has to be like, it's like the Germans. 1.00
00:38:02.000 We have to go after the Germans, or the Japanese, or the terrorists. 1.00
00:38:05.000 It's the terrorists. 0.99
00:38:06.000 It's country.
00:38:07.000 But what does terror mean?
00:38:08.000 It doesn't mean brown people doing bad things.
00:38:09.000 We're going to rename the country.
00:38:11.000 You know, Japan, they call themselves Nippon.
00:38:13.000 I don't know if you know that.
00:38:14.000 We call them Japs, because I remember Pearl Harbor.
00:38:18.000 There's all these people that believe they're in other countries, but as Americans, we get to dictate what their actual lines are, so we're just going to decide to call it all terror.
00:38:25.000 So these are terrorists.
00:38:26.000 They live in terror.
00:38:28.000 That's the part of the world.
00:38:29.000 It's called terror.
00:38:31.000 You're not allowed to come over here.
00:38:32.000 We'll put you in camps like we did the Japs. 1.00
00:38:36.000 That's some dark shit, man. 1.00
00:38:37.000 It's so horrible. 1.00
00:38:38.000 I was talking to my mom who, she lives in Houston, conservative, Republican, and all those fun things.
00:38:43.000 So I love poking her with a stick.
00:38:45.000 It's really funny.
00:38:46.000 And when she said, oh, you know, it's terrorists in San Bernardino.
00:38:49.000 And I was like, well, I mean, anybody that did that is a terrorist.
00:38:54.000 It doesn't matter when we find out what their name is.
00:38:55.000 She goes, Jenny, the terrorists are like the really bad ones.
00:39:01.000 I was like, I don't know.
00:39:03.000 I think the Sandy Hook guy was pretty bad.
00:39:04.000 I gotta say, I don't think he was awesome. 0.99
00:39:06.000 How about the fucking Colorado movie theater guy? 1.00
00:39:08.000 That's a terrorist. 1.00
00:39:09.000 White guy with orange hair. 0.89
00:39:10.000 He's not one of the real bad ones, though.
00:39:12.000 You can pronounce his name.
00:39:14.000 Yeah, if you can pronounce his name.
00:39:16.000 Just not as bad as the guys that...
00:39:19.000 Sahih, Muhammad, yeah, that bad stuff, bad news. 1.00
00:39:23.000 Well, it bugs me when people won't criticize Islamic terrorists or Islamic people, though, because they're worried about being Islamophobic. 0.68
00:39:33.000 Like, Islamophobic is a weird one. 0.54
00:39:35.000 That's a weird one, though.
00:39:36.000 Anything that's a phobic.
00:39:37.000 Like, well, it's the...
00:39:40.000 What's the word I'm looking for? 0.98
00:39:41.000 Like if you're on a watch list or whatever, you know, you're drawing a big fucking blank. 0.97
00:39:46.000 What is it called? 0.96
00:39:47.000 You're like prejudging somebody.
00:39:49.000 Prejudice?
00:39:49.000 Yeah, there was another one.
00:39:50.000 Prejudging?
00:39:51.000 Prescreening?
00:39:52.000 Yeah, yeah, whatever.
00:39:53.000 You're making an assumption over a stereotype, you know, like whatever.
00:39:58.000 That's okay sometimes.
00:40:00.000 I don't think it's a bad...
00:40:02.000 I heard this couple one time, I was on a flight, and this family, and they're completely dressed, face covered, and I see these old people dressed like the Gilligan's Island old people, and they're like...
00:40:16.000 Like the Howells?
00:40:17.000 Yeah, they're hitting each other like...
00:40:19.000 You know, they look around at this guy.
00:40:21.000 I'm like, no, I don't care about those people.
00:40:22.000 I care about the guys that are going to come on board with slacks that they just bought at Mervin's or something and a little button-down that's still got creases, like, no luggage, you know?
00:40:32.000 Right.
00:40:32.000 Like, if that's who's going to freak me out on a plane is the ones that just are trying to fit in.
00:40:38.000 Fuse coming out of their shoe.
00:40:39.000 Right.
00:40:39.000 Not the ones that are, like, fully standing out with all of it.
00:40:42.000 Like, no, sorry.
00:40:45.000 I will prejudge.
00:40:47.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:40:48.000 Because I'm not going to just go, well, I don't want to offend anybody, so let me get on this plane at these fucking creepy people. 0.98
00:40:54.000 But what I was getting at is that it's just weird that people will call you out on being Islamophobic, but the same people will openly mock Christians. 0.98
00:41:01.000 Sure.
00:41:01.000 Like, they can openly mock Scientologists, but if you, for whatever reason, I guess, well, I guess the legit...
00:41:10.000 Angle would be obviously because we're at war.
00:41:13.000 We were at war with two different countries and we're still in Afghanistan and a lot of troops still in Iraq and more now than before, right?
00:41:22.000 We just sent some new ones over there, but and those people that are involved in the conflict over there are Islamic or are brown, right?
00:41:31.000 So, I guess it lends the idea that, like, well, you shouldn't be Islamophobic.
00:41:36.000 You shouldn't be critical or prejudiced against Islamic people.
00:41:41.000 But it's just, it's an ideology. 1.00
00:41:44.000 First of all, any religion is stupid. 1.00
00:41:50.000 Well, yeah. 1.00
00:41:51.000 They're all dumb. 0.99
00:41:52.000 I was just watching Bill Burr's stand-up, and I was laughing so damn hard about him talking about Scientology. 1.00
00:41:57.000 And he goes, yeah, it's funny.
00:41:58.000 I mean, your God's name is Ron.
00:42:01.000 He had a driver's license and a social security card.
00:42:04.000 But I found out about it when I was an adult.
00:42:06.000 When you're a kid, you don't question it.
00:42:08.000 You know, you grew up Catholic, right?
00:42:09.000 He's like, yeah, why would you?
00:42:11.000 Sure, yeah.
00:42:12.000 Three days later, it came out.
00:42:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:42:14.000 Yes, yeah, yeah, sure.
00:42:15.000 Like, you just believe it. 1.00
00:42:16.000 And then as you get older, to challenge it or to question it, You're an asshole. 1.00
00:42:23.000 Don't challenge the Bible. 1.00
00:42:24.000 You can't do that.
00:42:26.000 I think there's a higher power.
00:42:27.000 I don't think it's that story, but maybe a version of it.
00:42:31.000 Maybe not.
00:42:31.000 I don't know.
00:42:32.000 Well, who knows what it is, but whatever it is, it's not what L. Ron Hubbard wrote.
00:42:37.000 It's not the one guy who wrote the most books of anybody who ever wrote books ever.
00:42:41.000 Scientology books.
00:42:42.000 He wrote more fiction.
00:42:44.000 He wrote more fiction than any person who's ever lived.
00:42:46.000 He really did.
00:42:47.000 He did.
00:42:48.000 Out of any person that's ever lived on the planet, he wrote the most books.
00:42:51.000 That's incredible.
00:42:53.000 How many books did he write? 0.99
00:42:55.000 Fuckload. 0.99
00:42:55.000 Exactly. 0.99
00:42:56.000 A fuckload. 0.99
00:42:56.000 A fuckload. 0.99
00:42:57.000 That's an exact number. 0.98
00:42:58.000 That's a lot of books.
00:42:59.000 That's a good question.
00:43:00.000 Jamie's going to pull that up.
00:43:01.000 We're going to find out.
00:43:01.000 But he does hold the distinction.
00:43:04.000 I did not know that.
00:43:05.000 He's the most prolific fiction author ever in the history of the human race. 1.00
00:43:09.000 That's how stupid Scientology is. 1.00
00:43:11.000 The guy who made up the most shit ever also told the truth about the fucking frozen ice cubes filled with souls. 1.00
00:43:18.000 They're coming out of volcanoes and shit. 1.00
00:43:20.000 They drop them in volcanoes. 0.99
00:43:21.000 That's why you get anxious. 0.99
00:43:22.000 I mean, I'm just like, well, it's all so stupid to me across the board. 0.99
00:43:28.000 Well, it's made up stuff. 0.99
00:43:29.000 It's people making things up.
00:43:31.000 You live and you die and no one knows what happens when you die.
00:43:33.000 We'll all find out one day.
00:43:35.000 Hopefully.
00:43:35.000 Maybe.
00:43:36.000 Maybe we won't.
00:43:36.000 Maybe not.
00:43:37.000 Maybe we'll become something that doesn't think.
00:43:39.000 Yeah.
00:43:39.000 Here it is.
00:43:40.000 Most published works by any author.
00:43:42.000 Number one.
00:43:43.000 L. Ron Hubbard.
00:43:45.000 Yeah.
00:43:46.000 1,084.
00:43:47.000 1,084 books.
00:43:49.000 Jesus Christ. 0.98
00:43:49.000 Did he even fucking do a second draft on any of them? 0.98
00:43:54.000 There's no way, right? 0.98
00:43:55.000 These books are so bad, too.
00:43:58.000 Have you ever read them?
00:43:58.000 Did he self-publish them?
00:43:59.000 I don't know.
00:44:00.000 I don't think so.
00:44:01.000 I think he published them.
00:44:03.000 I mean, he had...
00:44:04.000 I mean, he published a lot of them in those sci-fi magazines.
00:44:09.000 That was, like, a big part of what he was doing originally.
00:44:12.000 Like, he would get books published in those.
00:44:14.000 You know, they had, like, Reader's Digest.
00:44:16.000 They would have these, like, sci-fi things.
00:44:17.000 The last one was published in 2006. Didn't he die in, like, the 80s?
00:44:20.000 Yeah.
00:44:21.000 Yeah.
00:44:21.000 Well, I don't think it was the 80s.
00:44:23.000 I think it was, like, the 90s.
00:44:24.000 When did he die?
00:44:24.000 What is it?
00:44:25.000 86. 86 was?
00:44:27.000 Well, I'm sure they just found a bunch of shit that he had laying around. 1.00
00:44:31.000 The guy was probably nuts. 1.00
00:44:33.000 Probably just sat down and just... 0.99
00:44:34.000 Did you ever see, like...
00:44:35.000 Interviews?
00:44:36.000 Do you ever watch those documentaries?
00:44:37.000 I'm fascinated by it.
00:44:38.000 Me too.
00:44:39.000 Well, I'll watch any documentary.
00:44:40.000 That's all I ever watch. 0.82
00:44:41.000 But those are particularly fascinating because he looks crazy. 1.00
00:44:44.000 Oh, he's crazy as fuck. 1.00
00:44:46.000 Lawrence Wright wrote a fantastic book called Going Clear. 1.00
00:44:49.000 I've seen that one.
00:44:50.000 Yeah, I read that one.
00:44:51.000 That was good.
00:44:52.000 You read it too?
00:44:52.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:44:53.000 It's amazing.
00:44:54.000 You hear about how nutty he was. 0.66
00:44:56.000 Like, he was beyond crazy. 0.98
00:44:58.000 Yeah, but it's one of those, like, usually people that, you know, end up getting like a leader of something, they're always, they're smart but crazy.
00:45:07.000 You know, it's like a psychotic brilliance, you know, that you can manage to get that many people.
00:45:13.000 On board. 0.99
00:45:14.000 I mean, they all dress like sea captains and shit. 1.00
00:45:16.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:45:18.000 That's the best thing. 0.99
00:45:18.000 Yeah, I'm like, you have a lot of medals, dude. 0.99
00:45:21.000 I mean, highly decorated officer and what?
00:45:25.000 Well, how about when Tom Cruise won that gold medal for being awesome? 0.99
00:45:29.000 Holy shit. 0.99
00:45:29.000 Did you ever see that? 0.99
00:45:30.000 And he fucking salutes to LRH. They saluted each other, and they were so, like, tensed. 0.99
00:45:35.000 And you know, both of those guys are about 5'1", 5'2". 0.99
00:45:38.000 Holy shit, that made me laugh. 0.99
00:45:41.000 LRH. LRH. Yeah, they salute to L. Ron, however they call him LRH. It's a photo of them. 1.00
00:45:49.000 They salute the photo like it's the flag. 0.97
00:45:52.000 Just think of one of your friends that's real silly and goofy, like one of your craziest friends, and then imagine his face or her face up there, and everyone just took a... 0.84
00:46:02.000 You know, just to Andy Dick, everybody, and everyone just looking salutes, and there's a room full of people that give all their money to... 0.95
00:46:08.000 I mean, it could be that.
00:46:11.000 It's not that much different.
00:46:13.000 No, it's not.
00:46:14.000 No, it's not.
00:46:15.000 I mean, his work... 0.99
00:46:16.000 Look at the size of the fucking metal. 1.00
00:46:18.000 I mean, that shit makes Flava Flav. 1.00
00:46:20.000 Look, he saluted him! 1.00
00:46:21.000 He looks over and salutes, and everybody claps.
00:46:24.000 First of all, look how beautiful that set is.
00:46:28.000 And that David Miscavige...
00:46:30.000 Miscavige.
00:46:31.000 Whatever that guy is.
00:46:32.000 Jesus Christ.
00:46:33.000 Wow, he is just...
00:46:34.000 Genius.
00:46:34.000 That medal that he's wearing is hilarious.
00:46:37.000 Up next, some crazy...
00:46:39.000 Some crazy Scientology stuff.
00:46:42.000 That's the name of the YouTube video. 0.99
00:46:46.000 Oh, it's fucking wonderful. 0.99
00:46:48.000 They're wonderful. 0.99
00:46:49.000 There's a great one, Doc, you can watch it on YouTube.
00:46:52.000 It's like Scientology and Me.
00:46:53.000 I think it was from the BBC. But it's really good.
00:46:57.000 It's this guy just tracking him down and getting in their face.
00:47:00.000 Oh, I've seen that one.
00:47:00.000 Yeah, it's a good one.
00:47:00.000 It's all in clear water.
00:47:03.000 In Clearwater, Florida.
00:47:04.000 Yeah, he was in.
00:47:05.000 They all went down there.
00:47:05.000 But there was, Summit was in London, like their headquarters in London.
00:47:10.000 Oh, okay.
00:47:10.000 Yeah, so it was pretty cool.
00:47:11.000 Maybe it's a different one I'm thinking of.
00:47:11.000 Yeah, I did see that one, the Clearwater one.
00:47:13.000 Yeah, well that's where they all are.
00:47:14.000 The Sea Orc people. 0.99
00:47:15.000 My family used to live there.
00:47:16.000 My mom and my dad, yeah, they lived in Clearwater.
00:47:19.000 My sister still lives in Tampa.
00:47:20.000 They're still down there.
00:47:22.000 Is that where you're from?
00:47:23.000 No, no, they moved there to escape the Boston winters.
00:47:29.000 Now they're just trapped.
00:47:30.000 Trapped. 1.00
00:47:31.000 Trapped in a sea of stupid... 1.00
00:47:33.000 There's a lot of nice people down there, but you know what? 1.00
00:47:36.000 I was just there in Tampa this past weekend.
00:47:39.000 You know what it is?
00:47:40.000 It's all people from the Northeast that escaped. 1.00
00:47:43.000 That's all.
00:47:44.000 My whole show was like New Yorkers, Boston people, Jersey people.
00:47:46.000 Oh, retired people? 0.72
00:47:47.000 Just get out of there. 1.00
00:47:48.000 Fuck this. 1.00
00:47:49.000 Let's get a job down there. 1.00
00:47:50.000 Fuck winter. 1.00
00:47:51.000 They just say, fuck winter, and they go to Florida. 1.00
00:47:53.000 I would do the same thing, but I grew up in South Texas, so it's 50 degrees out here, and I'm like, it's freezing! 0.99
00:47:59.000 I couldn't deal with it.
00:48:02.000 Well, South Texas, I don't know.
00:48:04.000 I love Houston.
00:48:05.000 I love Houston, too.
00:48:06.000 It's got spots.
00:48:07.000 It does.
00:48:08.000 It's got character.
00:48:09.000 If you're downtown, man, there's a lot to do.
00:48:11.000 There's a life down there, but then there's certain places that, yeah, no, it's not that fun.
00:48:15.000 Well, I remember when I was in Boston, there was, essentially, there was four big comedy scenes that we had heard about.
00:48:21.000 There was, like, the Boston scene, there was the New York scene, there was the L.A. scene.
00:48:26.000 It was kind of a San Francisco scene, but a little bit.
00:48:28.000 But there was a Houston scene.
00:48:29.000 And the Houston scene was because of Kinnison and Hicks.
00:48:32.000 Yeah, Bill Hicks, like, that's where he...
00:48:34.000 Yeah.
00:48:35.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm such a fan of his, but, like, now they just have the improv.
00:48:39.000 Like, I did a show with the improv over Christmas break, and it's awesome. 0.77
00:48:44.000 It's fucking huge, too.
00:48:45.000 It's a great venue, but it's kind of in a weird part of town, and, you know, it's just... 0.99
00:48:50.000 You mean black?
00:48:52.000 No, it's like... 0.99
00:48:53.000 Hurts black. 1.00
00:48:54.000 Hurts in a black. 0.99
00:48:55.000 It's not in a black part of town. 0.80
00:48:57.000 They only seem to book a lot of black comedians.
00:49:01.000 But no, it's just off of the interstate.
00:49:03.000 It's just an exit.
00:49:05.000 It's just a weird part of town.
00:49:07.000 There's just nothing really...
00:49:09.000 Around it.
00:49:10.000 You're just kind of like hauling ass down I-10 and then you take an exit and there's the improv.
00:49:14.000 It's so sad because that place, the Laugh Stop in River Oaks, that's where I did.
00:49:18.000 Oh, that was the best.
00:49:19.000 I did my first CD there.
00:49:20.000 Oh, really?
00:49:21.000 Yeah, 99. That place was the shit. 1.00
00:49:24.000 It was the best club. 1.00
00:49:25.000 It was set up perfect.
00:49:27.000 Now it was like a restaurant and I think they're trying to get it where they can at least open part of it up.
00:49:32.000 It's still there?
00:49:33.000 For comedy.
00:49:33.000 Well, it's a different, you know, it's a restaurant now, a restaurant, bar restaurant.
00:49:38.000 But is the stage still there and everything? 0.97
00:49:40.000 No, it's not, but they're trying to, you know, like all the comedians are going, hey, give us a fucking place to... 0.97
00:49:45.000 Yeah. 0.82
00:49:45.000 Because there are a lot of good comedians in Houston, you know, and you want to be able to like do your job and then try to do this on the side. 0.82
00:49:52.000 Like, that's what I always enjoyed about it.
00:49:54.000 But, you know, I'd have to go to improv or try to, you know, get some stage time or sometimes I would open up for my friends that were musicians.
00:50:02.000 I would just do a set at their...
00:50:03.000 Oh, wow.
00:50:04.000 That's hard.
00:50:05.000 So at least I could get stage time.
00:50:07.000 Right.
00:50:08.000 That's tough, though.
00:50:09.000 Oh, yeah.
00:50:09.000 It's so non-ideal.
00:50:12.000 But I think, you know, it helped that I already had a job, so I didn't care as much.
00:50:15.000 Right.
00:50:16.000 You know, like if I was depending on that as my livelihood, maybe I would have been more nervous, but it was like, eh, fine, I'm going back to work tomorrow.
00:50:23.000 It's one of the more frustrating things for a young comedian that they're starting out is to grow up in a town that doesn't have a scene. 0.97
00:50:28.000 I know if you're in Cleveland or something like that, I don't know if Cleveland has a scene, but it's fucking hard.
00:50:34.000 And these clubs like the Improvs are amazing to work at if you're a professional.
00:50:38.000 But yeah, I've done a couple shows at the improv here, but it's only because maybe somebody asked and had to pull strings because I'm not a name for a marquee.
00:50:51.000 And for the improv, you have to be.
00:50:53.000 Yeah, you have to be.
00:50:54.000 It's like trying to get on at the store or the Laugh Factory on a Saturday night.
00:50:59.000 They're not going to just go, hey.
00:51:01.000 Yeah.
00:51:02.000 Yeah, go do seven minutes.
00:51:04.000 Well, they've sort of boxed themselves into this hole, though, because they have these rooms that are like 500 seats, so they can't have open mic nights because they can't keep the room open because all the staff and everything, it'll cost them too much money.
00:51:19.000 Yeah.
00:51:19.000 And as soon as you don't have open mic nights, then you're not developing new talent.
00:51:23.000 As soon as you're not developing new talent, then you have to get all your acts in from out of town.
00:51:27.000 And it just kills the whole art form.
00:51:30.000 You have to have a place to start.
00:51:33.000 There's no one place where everybody starts.
00:51:35.000 You can't say, oh, well, they have open mic nights in L.A., don't worry about it. 0.91
00:51:38.000 Well, a lot of people don't fucking start out in L.A. No.
00:51:40.000 I mean, when I came out here and I started doing just... 0.90
00:51:42.000 I mean, I'm doing more writing, but I still like doing my...
00:51:45.000 I like trying to do stand-up, you know, two, three nights a week or something.
00:51:48.000 But it's hard to even get that sometimes.
00:51:49.000 Like, the Laugh Factory, they're good to me over there, and they'll give me a, you know, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, you know, one of those nights.
00:51:55.000 That's great.
00:51:56.000 Flappers Comedy in Burbank.
00:51:58.000 That's a great club.
00:52:00.000 Yeah, I've done...
00:52:01.000 Have you done the Ha Ha in North Hollywood?
00:52:02.000 I have done that. 0.98
00:52:03.000 That new one is fucking awesome. 0.98
00:52:04.000 It is awesome. 0.99
00:52:05.000 It's amazing.
00:52:06.000 It's perfect.
00:52:08.000 But I have to find everything myself.
00:52:10.000 I don't rely on my agent to do that.
00:52:13.000 It's just, you know, I just want to get some time.
00:52:15.000 I still do that, though.
00:52:16.000 I find everything myself, too.
00:52:18.000 Don't you find that?
00:52:18.000 Because, like, I'm sitting there talking to him.
00:52:21.000 I'm like, well, you're not good.
00:52:22.000 Like, I get everything. 0.99
00:52:23.000 Like, you haven't got me shit, so I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. 0.97
00:52:26.000 Well, especially, like, little clubs in town. 0.99
00:52:28.000 I mean, all my bookings, like, if I do theaters and stuff like that, my agents do all that stuff.
00:52:32.000 But, like, if I do local spots around town, I have to find, like, Joey Diaz will call me up. 0.99
00:52:37.000 Listen, dog, you gotta do the fucking ha-ha. 0.99
00:52:40.000 He'll be taking bong hits while he's talking to you, and you're like, all right. 1.00
00:52:43.000 We tell each other.
00:52:45.000 Comics will tell each other.
00:52:46.000 There's this place on Sundays in Santa Monica that Neil Brennan has.
00:52:50.000 It's supposed to be awesome.
00:52:51.000 Yeah, I keep seeing that on his...
00:52:53.000 He's promoting it.
00:52:54.000 West Side Comedy Theater, I think it's called.
00:52:56.000 I haven't been there yet.
00:52:57.000 I hear nothing but great things.
00:52:58.000 So that's what you hear.
00:53:00.000 You hear about cool spots.
00:53:01.000 I did the Laugh Factory in Long Beach.
00:53:05.000 I've done that.
00:53:06.000 I heard that's great, too.
00:53:07.000 Improv in Brea.
00:53:08.000 That's a great spot.
00:53:09.000 That's a great spot.
00:53:10.000 That's a great spot.
00:53:12.000 The new one's awesome.
00:53:13.000 But everything is because of just me either hounding people or just a friend helping me out.
00:53:20.000 Like, hey, do you want to open for me when I'm in Long Beach?
00:53:23.000 Sure.
00:53:24.000 Well, this is an amazing place.
00:53:25.000 If you're in L.A., this is an amazing place to work because you really never have to leave.
00:53:29.000 You can work and just drive.
00:53:31.000 You can drive to Irvine, you drive to Ontario, you drive to Brea.
00:53:34.000 If you want to get crazy, you go to San Diego.
00:53:37.000 There's so many places to work around here.
00:53:39.000 Yeah, it's actually really pretty cool considering I moved here from Houston.
00:53:45.000 There was just no scene.
00:53:47.000 It just wasn't there.
00:53:48.000 It didn't exist.
00:53:50.000 But it used to.
00:53:51.000 I'm telling you, it used to be one of the best places.
00:53:54.000 When I first got there, I first got to Houston in like 96 or 97. Somewhere around there.
00:54:01.000 Maybe 98?
00:54:03.000 Either way. 0.99
00:54:04.000 When I first got there, I was like, holy shit. 0.98
00:54:07.000 They had an open mic night that would start at like 8 and go until 2 o'clock in the morning. 0.98
00:54:11.000 And the open mic night was in the bar area where they had a small stage. 0.80
00:54:14.000 And then they had the main stage where the main room was, which was fucking perfect. 0.91
00:54:18.000 It was the perfect setup. 0.67
00:54:19.000 And they had all these really creative young local comedians, and they didn't have any tolerance for hacks.
00:54:25.000 I was like, this is just like Boston, but like hot.
00:54:28.000 Like hot weather.
00:54:29.000 But nobody can put their finger on why it stopped.
00:54:33.000 Because the club went under.
00:54:34.000 It's that easy to throw water in a fire.
00:54:35.000 If they don't have anywhere to perform, and if there's no one scene, But somebody didn't try to take it.
00:54:40.000 I just felt like there would be somebody that would make more of an effort to try to get it.
00:54:44.000 Right, but who?
00:54:44.000 How about you?
00:54:45.000 I don't know.
00:54:45.000 I always thought that there would be somebody that would try to bring it back up again.
00:54:51.000 Well, they tried, but you need real resources.
00:54:53.000 You need a club.
00:54:54.000 You need a liquor license.
00:54:56.000 You need the whole thing. 1.00
00:54:58.000 I know, but idiots can open bars. 1.00
00:55:00.000 How many bar owners do you know? 1.00
00:55:02.000 I don't know any idiots that own bars. 1.00
00:55:04.000 Do you know idiots that own bars? 1.00
00:55:05.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:55:06.000 Really?
00:55:06.000 A lot.
00:55:07.000 Really?
00:55:07.000 Yeah.
00:55:08.000 Talk to those idiots. 1.00
00:55:09.000 Tell them to put a stage up. 1.00
00:55:12.000 I don't know.
00:55:12.000 It's not like anything else.
00:55:14.000 If you want to, I guess being a musician is probably just as difficult.
00:55:20.000 Like, how does a musician... 0.97
00:55:21.000 I mean, I guess you can kind of make your own mixtape and shit alone. 0.88
00:55:24.000 You don't need an audience to practice. 0.76
00:55:27.000 That's the difference between comedy and other art forms.
00:55:29.000 You need an audience to practice.
00:55:31.000 Yeah, like to know...
00:55:32.000 Well, that's one thing that I always enjoy about Twitter.
00:55:34.000 You can kind of tell if something, a joke works or doesn't work on Twitter by people liking it.
00:55:38.000 Oh, yeah, definitely.
00:55:39.000 You know, it's like, okay, that works, so let me try it verbally.
00:55:42.000 Well, you have a big following on Twitter just from being funny.
00:55:45.000 Yeah.
00:55:46.000 I mean, Bert Kreischer and I were talking about you one day on the podcast.
00:55:49.000 Yeah, that was why I sent you that message.
00:55:51.000 All my friends were, like, sending me the link to it.
00:55:53.000 And it's like, oh, sweet.
00:55:54.000 Thanks.
00:55:55.000 Well, that's the cool thing about Twitter.
00:55:57.000 There's a girl, she calls herself Slashlean.
00:56:00.000 God, I love her.
00:56:00.000 She's hilarious.
00:56:02.000 She's up in Toronto.
00:56:03.000 Yeah.
00:56:03.000 But it's the same thing.
00:56:04.000 She developed this giant following just from being funny.
00:56:07.000 Yeah, and I think that people like her, myself, like Rob Delaney was one.
00:56:13.000 We all kind of jumped in at this exact same time.
00:56:15.000 And I don't think that's possible now for somebody.
00:56:19.000 See, everybody says that.
00:56:21.000 People always say that, but it's like, I don't want to start a podcast now.
00:56:25.000 Everybody's got a podcast.
00:56:26.000 But how about those Guys We Fucked girls? 1.00
00:56:28.000 Those girls that have that podcast called Guys We Fucked? 1.00
00:56:31.000 I've never heard of it.
00:56:32.000 You never heard of it?
00:56:33.000 It's like top ten, always.
00:56:34.000 And it's only been around for like a year.
00:56:36.000 They just have a really good podcast.
00:56:38.000 They've developed this big-ass following and then shot up through the rankings, like quick.
00:56:41.000 I don't think the podcast...
00:56:43.000 I think that, yeah, a lot of people have them, but I still would encourage people to try.
00:56:48.000 But with Twitter, the only thing is...
00:56:51.000 You know, it's just, it was so new and different.
00:56:54.000 Everyone's like, who is that person? 0.98
00:56:55.000 You know, it was so new and exciting, and now there's all this other crap. 0.81
00:56:59.000 There's too many things.
00:57:00.000 Periscope, Snapchat, all these other social media things.
00:57:04.000 And at the time, it just was just...
00:57:07.000 Like Facebook and Twitter and that was it.
00:57:09.000 Twitter doesn't grow like it used to.
00:57:11.000 It's like the amount of people that you get.
00:57:15.000 Some people used to get massive amounts of new followers really quickly.
00:57:19.000 But it's hard to do that now.
00:57:20.000 I think also if you look at someone and you look to see how many people do you follow?
00:57:25.000 I follow a lot of people.
00:57:27.000 And I seriously doubt you read every single person. 1.00
00:57:30.000 I read a lot of shit. 1.00
00:57:30.000 I'm retarded. 1.00
00:57:31.000 I got something wrong with me. 0.86
00:57:33.000 I scan Twitter constantly for interesting stories.
00:57:37.000 And if someone posts, I'll look through their feed, if they post two, three, four interesting stories in a row, boom, I follow them.
00:57:43.000 I'm like, you never know.
00:57:44.000 But how do you find them?
00:57:45.000 Just through somebody retweeting them or something?
00:57:46.000 Most of it is because they tweet things to me.
00:58:07.000 That's a lot of it.
00:58:07.000 When I find their page, like if someone retweets something, or if I retweet something someone sent me, and I find their page and they have a bunch of cool shit on there, I'll stop following them.
00:58:17.000 And I think that just that way, you ensure that you have sort of a network of people that are distributing interesting information, sending it your way.
00:58:27.000 But is it like, is it links to things?
00:58:29.000 Sometimes it's links to things.
00:58:30.000 Or sometimes is it just a funny reply to you?
00:58:33.000 Oh yeah, sometimes it's a funny reply, sometimes it's just a funny post.
00:58:36.000 Now, how many unfunny replies do you get from people trying to make you laugh?
00:58:41.000 Yeah, you get those.
00:58:43.000 It's just cluttered.
00:58:44.000 And it's just, oh God, sometimes it's so painful.
00:58:47.000 Well, yours is so humor-based.
00:58:49.000 But it's a person almost insulting me. 0.99
00:58:52.000 And I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99
00:58:53.000 And they'll go, I was just kidding. 1.00
00:58:54.000 You know, like it was a joke.
00:58:56.000 I thought you could take a joke.
00:58:57.000 I'm like, no, no.
00:58:59.000 No, I can't.
00:59:00.000 Well, you got to think there's a lot of people that are just trying anything to get a reaction from you.
00:59:04.000 They're standing out there just typing into the abyss, hoping to get a signal back.
00:59:08.000 Yeah.
00:59:09.000 Hello!
00:59:10.000 Hello!
00:59:10.000 But it's such an interesting concept that people like...
00:59:15.000 I did a panel at South by Southwest last year, two years ago, something like that.
00:59:19.000 About Twitter?
00:59:20.000 Yeah, and it was just about getting a career out of it.
00:59:25.000 How else would anybody have noticed me outside of Houston?
00:59:28.000 Yeah.
00:59:28.000 Well, that's how I noticed you.
00:59:30.000 I don't remember when I started noticing you, but I've been following you for...
00:59:33.000 How long have you been on Twitter?
00:59:35.000 Since like 2009, I think.
00:59:36.000 I think I've been following you for at least two years.
00:59:39.000 At least two years.
00:59:40.000 And I don't know how long totally, but I remember someone tweeted one of your things.
00:59:46.000 Like, to me, I think.
00:59:47.000 Someone tweeted something funny that you said.
00:59:49.000 And I think I retweeted it.
00:59:51.000 And then I started following you.
00:59:52.000 That's how I do it.
00:59:53.000 But it's really, yeah, it's kind of, it's word of mouth or word of, you know, word.
00:59:57.000 But you could still do that.
00:59:58.000 But I do think that's fascinating.
01:00:00.000 That's what I love about Twitter.
01:00:01.000 I think it's really fascinating that how else would anybody have ever heard of me if it wasn't for that particular form of social media?
01:00:08.000 I just think there's too much now.
01:00:10.000 There's too many people.
01:00:11.000 There's too many extra things that I don't think people are going to get noticed the way that I lucked out and got noticed.
01:00:17.000 Well, there was that effect like the early days of MySpace.
01:00:22.000 Do you remember the MySpace effect?
01:00:23.000 Like Tila Tequila and Dane Cook and all these people got super famous like really quick because once, you know, first of all, you followed Tom because everybody had to follow Tom from MySpace. 0.97
01:00:33.000 What the fuck is Tom up to these days? 0.96
01:00:35.000 I hope he's okay. 1.00
01:00:37.000 He's in Belize right now with gold underwear on and fucking stacks of champagne bottles next to him and a big fucking tub of Viagra by his bed. 0.99
01:00:45.000 He's like Joe Francis or something. 0.99
01:00:48.000 Yeah, just ballin'. 1.00
01:00:49.000 I mean, how much money did he make from that fucking stupid... 1.00
01:00:52.000 Had to have made a shit ton. 1.00
01:00:54.000 Who liked the fucking Facebook guy? 1.00
01:00:55.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:00:56.000 I mean...
01:00:57.000 Yeah.
01:00:58.000 Well, that guy's made insane amounts of money.
01:01:00.000 Wow.
01:01:00.000 It's impressive.
01:01:01.000 That's bizarre.
01:01:02.000 That's bizarre money.
01:01:03.000 He looks bewildered all the time, too.
01:01:05.000 He always looks like he just woke up from a nap.
01:01:07.000 To me, it always looks like he's worried that someone's going to kidnap him constantly.
01:01:11.000 Yeah.
01:01:11.000 You got that kind of money?
01:01:13.000 Don't you know that he's probably had those threats though?
01:01:15.000 Threats?
01:01:16.000 Oh, for sure.
01:01:17.000 He's worth billions of dollars.
01:01:19.000 Billions.
01:01:19.000 And now he's got a new baby, I believe.
01:01:22.000 His wife just had a baby.
01:01:23.000 Jesus Christ.
01:01:24.000 But he takes pictures of everything.
01:01:26.000 His wife, his baby.
01:01:27.000 Look at me.
01:01:27.000 Look at them.
01:01:28.000 Maybe he's just putting it out there.
01:01:30.000 He's hitting the jump leg.
01:01:31.000 What's his face?
01:01:31.000 Ben Shapiro was.
01:01:32.000 I'll put it out there first before. 0.99
01:01:34.000 Well, maybe he's just surrounded by fucking Spec Ops guys. 0.99
01:01:37.000 Just locked and loaded, ready to party. 0.99
01:01:40.000 It's a strange thing.
01:01:41.000 Like, Facebook was cool at first, and then all of a sudden when I started getting, like, friend requests from my mom's friends, you know, like, then all of a sudden it was like...
01:01:50.000 Find something else.
01:01:51.000 Well, too many people get real weird online and just start just digging into your stuff and stalking you and looking at, where's Jenny going?
01:01:59.000 Where does Jenny eat? 0.98
01:02:00.000 She eats here every Tuesday.
01:02:02.000 Hmm, seems like if I go there on Tuesday, maybe I'll find Jenny.
01:02:05.000 Hey, I really enjoy your tweets.
01:02:06.000 You think it gets on my underwear?
01:02:08.000 Yeah, it's like, I don't know, the people that think they know you based on, I think Instagram was more that way.
01:02:16.000 Like, I have Twitter and Instagram and that's it.
01:02:18.000 I don't have the other things, but I would have like...
01:02:21.000 I'm gonna take an Instagram picture of you right now and people will know that this happened while we're actually doing the podcast talking about Instagram.
01:02:29.000 So look at me.
01:02:32.000 Bam! 0.98
01:02:33.000 So I'll put that up and people go, hey.
01:02:35.000 But I've had people like, I went to, like I took a trip, a road trip with friends to Big Sur and...
01:02:41.000 I love Big Sur.
01:02:42.000 I love Big Sur. 0.99
01:02:43.000 Holy shit, is it awesome up there. 0.96
01:02:44.000 So one of my friends took a picture of me, you know, you get no cell reception. 0.97
01:02:48.000 Right.
01:02:48.000 And so we're like on the side of the road.
01:02:49.000 I'm holding my phone.
01:02:50.000 I was like eating an apple and she took a picture.
01:02:52.000 But it was so beautiful behind me.
01:02:54.000 And I put that on Instagram like, oh, I'm in Big Sur.
01:02:57.000 And then I have these people that are like, you have to stay at Ventana.
01:03:00.000 That's where you have to stay and you need to go eat.
01:03:01.000 And I'm like, do you think I drove from L.A. to Big Sur without a plan of where I'm going to stay and what I'm going to do?
01:03:09.000 Like they're telling me what I need to do.
01:03:11.000 Well, they're just trying to help.
01:03:12.000 No, it's in a different way.
01:03:14.000 It's like, yeah, you need to do this.
01:03:16.000 I don't know if it's like a deep-seated, like, as a kid being told that or something.
01:03:20.000 It's just so obnoxious to me.
01:03:21.000 Yeah, it's like, I know, I have a plan.
01:03:23.000 Don't worry, I'm good.
01:03:24.000 I'm good.
01:03:25.000 You're a bit of a rebel.
01:03:27.000 I see what's going on there. 1.00
01:03:27.000 No, I think it was just, I'm probably an asshole. 1.00
01:03:30.000 A bit of an asshole is probably more accurate. 1.00
01:03:32.000 I always assume, see, we have very different reactions to the same thing. 0.99
01:03:36.000 I always assume that it's people that are in town that are trying to help me out and steer me towards a good spot.
01:03:40.000 No, you look and it's like they live in Vermont or something.
01:03:42.000 They're just like, they've been there once and telling me what to do.
01:03:45.000 But don't you think they're just trying to steer you in the right direction? 1.00
01:03:47.000 You're like, fuck you, don't tell me what to do. 1.00
01:03:49.000 Yeah, no, I think they're horrible people. 1.00
01:03:52.000 I think they're terrorists. 0.99
01:03:53.000 They're terrorist sympathizers at the very least. 0.99
01:03:55.000 They're terrorist sympathizers, yeah. 0.98
01:03:56.000 They're all about ISIS. See, I always think they're just trying to help out. 1.00
01:03:59.000 I think it's cool.
01:04:00.000 I enjoy it when people do that.
01:04:02.000 I even ask for suggestions.
01:04:04.000 I'll ask for, that's different.
01:04:05.000 No, I'll ask for suggestions.
01:04:07.000 It's just, hey, I'm in Big Sur.
01:04:08.000 And then it's like, you need to go eat here.
01:04:09.000 You need to stay here.
01:04:10.000 You know, you have to do this.
01:04:12.000 And I'm like, if you made it, worded it in a way that was like, I don't know where you're staying, but I could tell you, like, I stayed here one time and it was fantastic.
01:04:21.000 It was more of like the telling me what to do thing.
01:04:23.000 But don't you think that people say that when something's awesome?
01:04:26.000 Like, dude, you need to check this out.
01:04:28.000 I find sometimes people do it to let me know they've been places.
01:04:32.000 Does that ever happen?
01:04:33.000 You know what I mean?
01:04:34.000 It's kind of a...
01:04:35.000 Yeah, I've been there too.
01:04:36.000 A humble brag almost?
01:04:37.000 Yeah, it's like a humble brag.
01:04:38.000 It is like that.
01:04:39.000 Or, oh, that jacket.
01:04:41.000 Yeah, and then tell me the name of the jacket.
01:04:44.000 Like the brand or whatever.
01:04:45.000 I have that jacket too.
01:04:46.000 Do you react...
01:04:48.000 Is it like men telling you to go somewhere and do things?
01:04:52.000 Do you need to blow your nose?
01:04:53.000 Yeah, I do need to blow my nose.
01:04:54.000 My allergies, my Claritin has not kicked in yet.
01:04:56.000 What do you have allergies to? 0.99
01:04:58.000 It's usually when it rains, whatever it kicks up, it's like pollen, ragweed, like all that kind of shit. 0.99
01:05:02.000 Oil. 0.99
01:05:03.000 Oil.
01:05:03.000 I'm from Houston, though.
01:05:06.000 Yeah, that's plenty of oil.
01:05:08.000 But it's not that men tell you what to do?
01:05:11.000 No, it's not men.
01:05:11.000 Actually, it's typically women that do it.
01:05:13.000 Really?
01:05:13.000 Yeah.
01:05:14.000 Oh, cunts. 0.99
01:05:15.000 No, yeah, total. 0.99
01:05:17.000 Men don't really actually bother me that much.
01:05:20.000 I mean, you know, if somebody will write something sexual or whatever, I'm like, ah, thanks!
01:05:26.000 I don't get offended by it. 0.99
01:05:28.000 I just think, like, it gives a shit. 0.99
01:05:30.000 Thanks. 0.99
01:05:31.000 Thanks.
01:05:31.000 High five.
01:05:32.000 High fives to you.
01:05:34.000 It is funny when you click on that.
01:05:35.000 You can click on their page and you'll see it's like the pictures, you know, the guy and his wife and three little kids. 0.99
01:05:41.000 And he's like, I want to smell your vagina. 1.00
01:05:43.000 You're like... 1.00
01:05:44.000 I'm so glad you're married and a father.
01:05:46.000 I just imagine my dad doing that growing up.
01:05:49.000 He would have if he had Instagram.
01:05:51.000 Oh God, he wouldn't have.
01:05:53.000 No?
01:05:53.000 No.
01:05:54.000 Not yours?
01:05:54.000 Not my dad.
01:05:55.000 He would have probably. 0.98
01:05:56.000 He would have been more of the, you know, like when you're a kid and you walk in and your dad's watching TV and it's like there's just tits on the screen. 0.97
01:06:03.000 Oh, how did those get on there? 0.94
01:06:05.000 I don't know.
01:06:06.000 What is that?
01:06:07.000 You know, like, Skinamax or whatever that he's flipping through, and then I walk in and surprise him, and he, oh, no, I'm just flipping, just trying to figure out this goddamn remote, like, fine, no, I'm not doing that.
01:06:17.000 But that's it, he grew up in a different era, if he grew up today.
01:06:20.000 Yeah.
01:06:21.000 Your era definitely forms you in a way.
01:06:24.000 But see, my parents were like, my dad and I were like, I'm 40 years younger than my parents.
01:06:29.000 Right.
01:06:29.000 Or my dad's no longer with us, but my...
01:06:30.000 Yeah, they were just older people that had kids later in life.
01:06:34.000 Wow.
01:06:34.000 Well, they were still banging it out late in life.
01:06:36.000 That's good.
01:06:37.000 Yeah.
01:06:37.000 They were, like, married for, I think, like, 15 years before they had my sister.
01:06:41.000 Wow.
01:06:41.000 Yeah.
01:06:42.000 But the downside would be, like, my sister and I would go, hey, we want to go to, like, California, get a Disneyland, Disney, you know?
01:06:48.000 Ah, now we've been there a million times.
01:06:49.000 It's like, you know, like, to just say, aw.
01:06:52.000 Yeah, that makes me sad.
01:06:53.000 Aw.
01:06:54.000 As a dad.
01:06:55.000 I know, but we have fun. 1.00
01:06:56.000 I love doing shit with my kids. 1.00
01:06:58.000 Oh, we always did shit, but we grew up on the water, so we'd like... 1.00
01:07:01.000 Oh, okay. 0.99
01:07:01.000 Yeah, we always went to the beach, boat, sailboat. 0.99
01:07:03.000 We had all that fun stuff.
01:07:05.000 It's not like we were...
01:07:06.000 In the Gulf, that water?
01:07:07.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:07:08.000 A lot of oil spills up in that motherfucker. 1.00
01:07:13.000 Now, probably a lot more. 1.00
01:07:15.000 Yeah.
01:07:15.000 I don't think there were so many when I was a kid.
01:07:17.000 They weren't digging offshore as much.
01:07:20.000 I don't think so. 0.98
01:07:21.000 I went to Santa Barbara recently, and after the big oil spill in the Gulf, whenever I see those fucking things out in the water, I say, well, that's a ticking time bomb. 0.99
01:07:31.000 Right. 0.98
01:07:31.000 That's going to fuck up eventually, and then this beautiful beach is going to have oil all over it. 0.98
01:07:36.000 Well, the odds of it fucking up are actually...
01:07:38.000 I mean, you think about how many rigs are in the water and how many spills there have actually been.
01:07:45.000 It's...
01:07:47.000 It's not the odds of all of those things having a, you know, a spill is pretty...
01:07:53.000 It's fairly low.
01:07:54.000 It's fairly low, but it's always like human error.
01:07:56.000 It's just they're not hiring.
01:07:58.000 And it's always BP. And I actually think it's always BP. They don't hire the right people.
01:08:03.000 It's not always other companies.
01:08:05.000 Well, the last big BP oil spill, they cut corners.
01:08:07.000 It's fact that they cut corners in the way they constructed it because they were behind budget.
01:08:13.000 Exactly.
01:08:13.000 The amount of wells they have versus the amount of...
01:08:18.000 Accidents that occur and the devastation that occurs because of those accidents.
01:08:21.000 That's one way of looking at it. 0.95
01:08:23.000 But the other way of looking at it is when those accidents do occur, the fucking catastrophic damage is so devastating that each one of those things is a ticking time bomb. 0.96
01:08:32.000 And how long have they been doing it? 0.96
01:08:34.000 Well, they've only been doing those offshore oil drills for like 30 or 40 years, I think.
01:08:39.000 I don't think it's been more than that.
01:08:41.000 I think it's been...
01:08:41.000 I think it's just over 40. I think so.
01:08:45.000 So, to me, I look at it like nuclear power. 0.99
01:08:48.000 There's only been a couple nuclear accidents, but those accidents are fucking crazy. 0.98
01:08:53.000 Oh, yeah. 0.77
01:08:54.000 Like, Fukushima, everybody's sort of forgotten about it.
01:08:56.000 Right.
01:08:56.000 But I still check on the news on Fukushima because the mainstream news has completely stopped paying attention to it.
01:09:02.000 But if you pay attention to it, if you go and search out, it's a clusterfuck over there. 0.98
01:09:07.000 It's really bad. 0.96
01:09:09.000 And it's not getting any better.
01:09:10.000 Like anytime soon.
01:09:11.000 No.
01:09:12.000 The town I grew up in actually had a nuclear power plant.
01:09:15.000 Whoa.
01:09:16.000 Yeah.
01:09:17.000 Really?
01:09:17.000 And then rigs everywhere.
01:09:18.000 I'm surprised I don't have a fucking arm growing out of my head. 0.99
01:09:21.000 I have a buddy who has bone cancer because he grew up next to a golf course. 0.99
01:09:27.000 Really? 1.00
01:09:28.000 Fucking golfing gives you bone cancer. 1.00
01:09:30.000 No, the pesticides that they would use on the golf course to keep the weeds down sank into the wells. 1.00
01:09:37.000 And so they had well water.
01:09:38.000 Oh, wow. 1.00
01:09:39.000 And everybody on his fucking block got cancer. 1.00
01:09:41.000 Like, literally everybody got cancer. 1.00
01:09:43.000 It's crazy.
01:09:44.000 Yeah.
01:09:44.000 Well, my dad, I mean, he died from cancer, but he also worked at a chemical plant for 37 years.
01:09:49.000 So you can't tell me that that didn't, like...
01:09:52.000 Play into him getting diagnosed with cancer.
01:09:56.000 You're just smelling chemicals all day long.
01:09:59.000 There's just no way.
01:10:00.000 And I know all the people that he's worked with. 0.96
01:10:01.000 How many people have ended up getting some fucked up kind of cancer? 0.97
01:10:05.000 You're like, Jesus, man. 1.00
01:10:07.000 Terrible.
01:10:08.000 Do you feel like there's a weird thing going on with Instagram and social media and stuff like that, that there's this new sort of intimacy that's very difficult to navigate.
01:10:18.000 It's like when I was saying that people sort of contact you like they know you or they reach out to you and give you suggestions like they know you.
01:10:26.000 There's an intimacy that people have with people that like them or follow them that you didn't have to really handle 20, 30 years ago.
01:10:36.000 People have access to you.
01:10:38.000 Yes.
01:10:38.000 You have access to them if you're so inclined.
01:10:42.000 I'll get people, because now with Instagram, you can direct message on Instagram and Twitter.
01:10:48.000 Do you read those, though?
01:10:51.000 Sometimes I'll click and I can see what it is.
01:10:54.000 And if it's just something, I'm like, no, I've already seen it.
01:10:57.000 I can't sit there and accept everything, because then everybody would keep sending things.
01:11:04.000 How many Instagram followers do you have?
01:11:07.000 Like 57,000? 1.00
01:11:09.000 That's a lot of fucking people if they all hit you at once. 1.00
01:11:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:11:12.000 All dick pics. 1.00
01:11:13.000 How many dick pics do you get on a daily? 1.00
01:11:16.000 One or two? 1.00
01:11:16.000 Not as much as I should. 1.00
01:11:18.000 You know, that's what I think.
01:11:20.000 I'm kind of disappointed at my level.
01:11:21.000 You deserve more. 1.00
01:11:22.000 Yeah, or somebody else sent me the same dick. 1.00
01:11:24.000 I'm like, I've seen that dick before. 1.00
01:11:26.000 No, that's not your dick. 1.00
01:11:28.000 Shame on you. 1.00
01:11:29.000 That's sad when they get a Google image dick. 1.00
01:11:31.000 Yeah, they're like Google image somebody else's dick. 1.00
01:11:33.000 And I'm like, don't do that. 0.99
01:11:34.000 Guess what after this podcast?
01:11:35.000 They're coming.
01:11:36.000 Thank you.
01:11:37.000 Jenny Johnson high five. 0.98
01:11:39.000 They're following up right now.
01:11:41.000 I just hear the cameras clicking away.
01:11:43.000 Yeah, right now they're unzipping.
01:11:45.000 I don't want a filter on them either.
01:11:47.000 They're thickening up.
01:11:47.000 No filters.
01:11:48.000 Do you prefer semi, rigid, flaccid?
01:11:52.000 I just find it entertaining that anybody would do it.
01:11:55.000 I actually...
01:11:56.000 I can't ever say that...
01:11:58.000 It's different, like, for guys. 0.98
01:12:00.000 Like, if everyone's, like, sending you boobs, like, you're gonna be happy with boobs. 0.99
01:12:04.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:12:05.000 But, like, I don't know any girls that are, like, stoked when a guy sends them... 1.00
01:12:09.000 A dick pic. 0.99
01:12:10.000 There's gotta be something. 1.00
01:12:11.000 I mean, trust me, my phone is filled with some of the nastiest shit you've ever seen, like the gif-jif pictures, videos. 0.99
01:12:17.000 I have a filthy sense of humor, but I've never just gotten a picture of a dick and been like, wow, that, I want to meet the guy attached to that. 0.99
01:12:25.000 Like, I've never felt that way. 0.99
01:12:26.000 But you're not a hoe. 1.00
01:12:28.000 Maybe that's it.
01:12:29.000 Maybe that's it?
01:12:30.000 Maybe I could try and work on that.
01:12:32.000 But it's weird. 0.99
01:12:32.000 Sometimes I'll get a photo from someone I have no idea who they are, and it's just their vagina. 0.99
01:12:38.000 And I'm like, okay. 0.99
01:12:40.000 And you're just like...
01:12:42.000 But that's not something you would do, right?
01:12:44.000 See, there you go.
01:12:44.000 I would never do that.
01:12:45.000 But you wouldn't find some musician that you really like and send him a picture of your asshole. 1.00
01:12:49.000 But there's girls who do that. 1.00
01:12:51.000 God bless them, you know?
01:12:53.000 Look at this!
01:12:53.000 See?
01:12:54.000 You know, they got free time.
01:12:55.000 They're proud. 1.00
01:12:56.000 But I think the kind of girl that would send you a photo of her vagina was the kind of girl that would love a dick pic. 1.00
01:13:01.000 Like, alright! 1.00
01:13:01.000 Yeah, probably so. 1.00
01:13:03.000 I would, yeah, thanks, you know.
01:13:06.000 It's good manners.
01:13:07.000 It's good behavior.
01:13:08.000 I give some, I give some.
01:13:09.000 Yeah, I can't say that I would ever, I mean, I would never do that.
01:13:12.000 It's just not, I just, the idea of me even doing it is hilarious to me, like, okay, well, let me go.
01:13:19.000 Yeah.
01:13:21.000 And then, like, taking a bunch to decide which one you like the most.
01:13:23.000 Right. 0.99
01:13:24.000 Because you know it wasn't a one-take vagina pic. 1.00
01:13:26.000 Well, it's really bad if you get a vagina pic and it's like that sort of frosty, foggy Photoshop thing, filter. 0.96
01:13:34.000 Oh, it looks like a glamour shot or something. 0.99
01:13:35.000 Yeah, like, what the hell? 1.00
01:13:36.000 Is that a real vagina or is this some anime? 1.00
01:13:40.000 Did you send me that in a 1977 filter? 1.00
01:13:43.000 This is a fucking Playboy from the early 80s. 0.99
01:13:46.000 You know how they have those... 0.99
01:13:47.000 They have these weird images.
01:13:49.000 Like, sometimes people will take pictures and you look at the picture and you're like, that is not even you. 0.98
01:13:53.000 Fucking Dane Cook has done that a couple times. 0.95
01:13:55.000 I've looked at his images. 0.97
01:13:55.000 I'm like, what kind of filters are you using, buddy? 0.97
01:13:58.000 Like, what's going on there?
01:13:59.000 Oh, on Dane Cook's.
01:13:59.000 He has a pretty, uh...
01:14:01.000 Hilarious Instagram page for all the wrong reasons.
01:14:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:14:06.000 I was trying to word it properly, but, um...
01:14:10.000 Yeah, you know, just him with his shirt on or something and then this, like, long paragraph of how blessed it...
01:14:18.000 I'm like, what is this?
01:14:20.000 And at some point, I'm like, if he is really making a joke, that's amazing, but he's not.
01:14:24.000 Hashtag blessed.
01:14:27.000 Hashtag blessed.
01:14:28.000 I can't even do it.
01:14:28.000 It's so bad.
01:14:29.000 Maybe it is a joke.
01:14:30.000 Maybe the entire thing has been a long, subtle joke.
01:14:31.000 I don't even follow him.
01:14:32.000 I just randomly will type in his name, and then just because I'm like, let me see what this is.
01:14:37.000 And then it never doesn't make me laugh.
01:14:40.000 It's funny every single time.
01:14:41.000 I've seen some good ones.
01:14:43.000 There's a lot of people that I follow like that. 1.00
01:14:44.000 They just say ridiculous shit, so I follow them for that, just hoping they're going to say something stupid. 1.00
01:14:49.000 I like the people that will post things to show you how great their life is, but it's the humble brag kind of way. 1.00
01:15:00.000 I remember this one girl was like trying to show that her son had like straight A's on his report card.
01:15:06.000 And so like the way that she was holding, it was also to show that she was wearing a Rolex and she had a nice pickpocket ring on, but it was like perfectly in the frame that way.
01:15:15.000 And I thought that is amazing that you just did that and I know exactly what you're doing, but you think you're outsmarting everyone.
01:15:24.000 Yeah.
01:15:25.000 You know, so proud of my son, hashtag love my son, and then just bling!
01:15:31.000 We're weird little monkeys in that regard.
01:15:33.000 Yeah.
01:15:33.000 Weird little peacocking monkeys.
01:15:36.000 And in some things, it's like, my mom is like the best at this, because if my sister will send like a picture of my nephew on his first day of school, you know, everybody likes to do that.
01:15:45.000 First day of school, lunchbox, backpack, and standing in front of the front door, my mom will reply back, because it'll be like a group email, and she'll go, You need to get those fingerprints off the front door. 0.98
01:15:57.000 You have fingerprints.
01:15:58.000 Like, she looks past the picture to see what's behind my sister's front door has glass and there's fingerprints everywhere. 1.00
01:16:05.000 Like, I kind of love that.
01:16:07.000 And if you look at everyone's picture and do that, it's pretty hysterical.
01:16:11.000 Like, what's in the background?
01:16:12.000 Right.
01:16:13.000 I love that.
01:16:13.000 It makes me laugh every time.
01:16:14.000 This is one of the saddest pictures I ever saw.
01:16:16.000 It was this girl. 0.99
01:16:17.000 She had her ass up in the air. 1.00
01:16:19.000 And, you know, she was, like, posing doggy style. 0.99
01:16:22.000 And in the background, in the lower left corner, there's a baby.
01:16:24.000 It's, like, crawling around on the ground like a little toddler.
01:16:26.000 It's like, whoa.
01:16:28.000 That's dark.
01:16:29.000 Like, you could see him, like, in the hallway, in the lower left corner of the picture.
01:16:33.000 Like, oof. 0.77
01:16:34.000 God, it's so, like, it's disgusting.
01:16:37.000 But then...
01:16:37.000 And I also, like...
01:16:39.000 There's certain people that will post...
01:16:42.000 The picture where maybe they're on the beach, okay, and they're looking out at the water, and they'll put some, like, inspirational quote, you know, something that's like, you know, Jesus, blah, blah, blah, blah. 0.99
01:16:55.000 All I'm going is, who the fuck took that picture? 0.78
01:16:57.000 You had to ask somebody to do that, and I guarantee you, again, it wasn't a first take. 0.99
01:17:02.000 Like, it was not the first take.
01:17:03.000 Like, they had to go, no, no, get up that rock a little more, get my jawline. 0.93
01:17:06.000 You know, I want to have to look sharp and look, like, really smart.
01:17:10.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:17:12.000 That's actually my favorite thing on Instagram.
01:17:14.000 I just like looking at people's pictures.
01:17:17.000 Like, what are you trying to get across to everybody?
01:17:20.000 Yeah, knowing.
01:17:22.000 Knowing that people are going to see it.
01:17:23.000 And like, I know what you're doing.
01:17:25.000 But some people can do it and it works.
01:17:27.000 Like, you know who I follow that I legitimately enjoy is The Rock.
01:17:32.000 I think The Rock gets it, too.
01:17:34.000 I think that he gets...
01:17:35.000 He's having fun.
01:17:36.000 He's having fun.
01:17:37.000 Yeah.
01:17:37.000 I actually...
01:17:38.000 I like him, too.
01:17:39.000 But he's inspirational.
01:17:40.000 Like, he'll post, like, stuff about him getting up at 5 o'clock in the morning to work out before getting to the set.
01:17:47.000 And I don't feel like he's bragging at all.
01:17:48.000 I feel like he's inspiring people.
01:17:50.000 Like, I like...
01:17:51.000 He inspires me.
01:17:52.000 Yeah.
01:17:52.000 Actually, that kind of stuff will get, you know...
01:17:54.000 Okay, yeah.
01:17:55.000 Get to the gym.
01:17:56.000 You know, like...
01:17:56.000 Yeah.
01:17:56.000 Yeah, it is, like, kind of a...
01:18:00.000 But I don't feel that he's full of shit. 1.00
01:18:02.000 I've never felt like he was full of shit. 1.00
01:18:03.000 Even when he was fucking wrestling, he got it. 1.00
01:18:06.000 He's wrestling. 1.00
01:18:07.000 It's funny.
01:18:07.000 He's playing a character.
01:18:09.000 I've always liked him.
01:18:10.000 I thought he was...
01:18:11.000 Well, by all accounts, he's a really great guy.
01:18:13.000 Everybody that I've ever met that met him, that worked with him or knew him, says he's a really nice guy.
01:18:18.000 Just having fun.
01:18:18.000 Have you ever met him before?
01:18:19.000 Yeah, I met him a long time ago.
01:18:21.000 I met him before he was The Rock.
01:18:23.000 He wasn't really that famous.
01:18:25.000 I met him...
01:18:25.000 I was on MTV for one of those spring break things in Mexico, like Cancun or something like that.
01:18:31.000 Speaking of...
01:18:32.000 I just said hi to him.
01:18:32.000 He's just a big guy.
01:18:33.000 But he wasn't big like he is now.
01:18:35.000 Yeah.
01:18:35.000 He was like...
01:18:35.000 He looked like a regular athlete.
01:18:37.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:18:38.000 Now he's just this fucking gigantic, huge, over-muscled guy. 0.99
01:18:42.000 Yeah, it was like... 0.99
01:18:43.000 I can't remember what it was.
01:18:44.000 Maybe it was like some after Emmy, after Golden Globe party or whatever. 1.00
01:18:48.000 And I saw him and he was, he's a fucking wall. 0.99
01:18:50.000 I mean, he's a huge dude. 0.99
01:18:52.000 He's like 250, all muscle, no fat.
01:18:54.000 Yeah, just completely, just totally hooked.
01:18:56.000 Yeah, he's, I like the rock guy.
01:18:58.000 That's his thing.
01:18:59.000 He's a nice guy.
01:19:00.000 He seems like a nice guy, but it's... 1.00
01:19:02.000 If I was a chick, I'd fuck him. 1.00
01:19:03.000 How about that? 1.00
01:19:04.000 How about that?
01:19:04.000 I said it.
01:19:05.000 I like it.
01:19:06.000 I said it.
01:19:07.000 I like it.
01:19:10.000 Yeah, he's one of the few guys that poses in front of a private jet and it doesn't bother me.
01:19:14.000 You know?
01:19:15.000 That always...
01:19:16.000 God, that's such a...
01:19:18.000 Anytime I've been on a private jet, I'm like, oh, I can never do it.
01:19:21.000 Really?
01:19:22.000 I couldn't do it.
01:19:23.000 I would feel so douchey.
01:19:24.000 It's a douchey move.
01:19:26.000 Such a douche move.
01:19:26.000 There he is.
01:19:26.000 There he is right there!
01:19:28.000 Velvet suit.
01:19:29.000 And again, see?
01:19:30.000 That's someone who had to take that photo.
01:19:32.000 But it doesn't bother me.
01:19:35.000 We own the night.
01:19:36.000 Thank you, Golden Globes, for a spectacular evening.
01:19:39.000 Wheels up and Miami bound.
01:19:40.000 Ballers. 0.64
01:19:42.000 Said, here I come. 1.00
01:19:43.000 Let's shoot. 0.98
01:19:44.000 Ball so hard. 0.99
01:19:45.000 Hashtag Velvet Blaze.
01:19:47.000 That is a massive potential for douche involved in that photo. 1.00
01:19:53.000 It was overwhelming, yet it doesn't come off douchey for whatever reason.
01:19:57.000 4.33 a.m.
01:19:58.000 See that?
01:19:59.000 And a.m.
01:20:00.000 cardio before I head to work.
01:20:03.000 Yes.
01:20:04.000 Hashtag Jesus needs my cup of unleaded.
01:20:08.000 Let's roll.
01:20:09.000 Yeah.
01:20:09.000 I mean, it doesn't bother me.
01:20:10.000 He's just one of those guys.
01:20:11.000 He can get away with it.
01:20:12.000 Oh, only 319,000 likes.
01:20:16.000 What does he have?
01:20:16.000 Like 50 million followers or something like that?
01:20:18.000 How many followers do you have?
01:20:19.000 I don't know.
01:20:20.000 I think I have like 800,000.
01:20:22.000 Just a video of what happens to an Instagram account when you have 8 million followers and you post something.
01:20:28.000 What happens?
01:20:28.000 I'll show you the little video.
01:20:29.000 It just explodes?
01:20:30.000 Yeah, it made this person's phone go crazy. 1.00
01:20:33.000 Oh, well, you have the fucking... 0.99
01:20:34.000 Well, I have everything turned off. 1.00
01:20:36.000 Yeah, you can't have that shit turned on. 1.00
01:20:38.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
01:20:39.000 That would be insane.
01:20:40.000 Have you ever been with somebody that has a lot of followers, and then you see their notification pop up that they had a like?
01:20:46.000 Have you ever been around somebody?
01:20:48.000 Yeah, Doug Benson used to have that.
01:20:49.000 He shut it off, but he used to have it on.
01:20:51.000 Yeah, but it's like, why do you do that?
01:20:52.000 Oh, my God, look at the phone.
01:20:55.000 Oh my god, that's insane!
01:20:57.000 Whose phone is it?
01:20:58.000 Oh my god, that is insane!
01:21:01.000 So it's like a soccer account, just like some soccer sports memes kind of thing? 0.99
01:21:04.000 Oh my god, that is fucking insane! 0.75
01:21:08.000 He's waiting for the phone to just... 0.99
01:21:09.000 It's like a waterfall!
01:21:10.000 It'd be a great way to test the battery.
01:21:12.000 I bet that battery life is just shrinking.
01:21:14.000 Like a gigantic V8 engine when you stomp on the gas.
01:21:19.000 God, that is insane.
01:21:21.000 That is amazing.
01:21:22.000 Wow.
01:21:23.000 Rich kids of China. 0.77
01:21:24.000 Did you see that?
01:21:26.000 Well, any rich people, Instagram, like rich kids of Dubai, like those things are hilarious.
01:21:32.000 God, that's amazing.
01:21:34.000 We live in strange times.
01:21:35.000 I cannot have the notification thing.
01:21:37.000 I just don't, I don't know, I don't care enough, I guess.
01:21:40.000 Maybe I should.
01:21:41.000 Well, it's just not smart.
01:21:42.000 Your phone was constantly...
01:21:44.000 I mean, my phone, if you text me, I assume I like you and I want to talk to you.
01:21:49.000 Right.
01:21:49.000 And that's what essentially it is.
01:21:51.000 It's someone's reaching out and contacting you.
01:21:52.000 And I have to always...
01:21:54.000 But I don't even keep that...
01:21:55.000 I don't keep a notification even for a text.
01:21:58.000 You don't?
01:21:58.000 No.
01:21:59.000 It doesn't buzz?
01:22:00.000 Your phone doesn't buzz if someone texts you?
01:22:01.000 I have everything turned off.
01:22:02.000 Because I don't like being rude when I'm in front of...
01:22:04.000 I'll get to it when it's...
01:22:08.000 If it was an emergency, you know, like...
01:22:11.000 They would call you or something?
01:22:12.000 Huh.
01:22:13.000 Well, everybody must know then.
01:22:14.000 You can't text Jenny and have her text you right back. 0.98
01:22:17.000 Well, I feel like, you know, like if you're at dinner with your friends or something and people, there's that friend that just won't put the fucking phone down. 0.99
01:22:24.000 That's rude. 0.99
01:22:24.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:22:25.000 So I just, so if anything I'm doing, I always try to keep my phone.
01:22:29.000 You ever see Anthony Bourdain's show Parts Unknown?
01:22:33.000 Actually, I caught part of it the other night. 1.00
01:22:35.000 Great fucking show. 0.99
01:22:36.000 But anyway, he has these friends that he turned me on to that are in Montreal. 1.00
01:22:39.000 They own this restaurant called Joe Beef. 0.98
01:22:42.000 And it's fucking fantastic. 0.98
01:22:45.000 I mean, it's one of the greatest restaurants in the history of the world. 0.98
01:22:48.000 And they did this episode with these guys where they went ice fishing. 0.99
01:22:53.000 And they set up this ice, because they're in Montreal, so it's cold as fuck. 0.87
01:22:56.000 So they set up this shack on a lake, and inside it they had a full gourmet meal. 0.96
01:23:01.000 They set up the whole deal, beautiful tablecloths, great food, and the whole deal.
01:23:05.000 And they were talking about how do you set up, what do you have rules when you go to dinner?
01:23:10.000 And he was like, rule number one, I shut my phone off.
01:23:12.000 Because I want to have a good conversation.
01:23:15.000 I want to be a good dinner guest.
01:23:17.000 I want to be someone who sits there.
01:23:18.000 I'm like, how many people do that?
01:23:20.000 How many people shut their phone off? 1.00
01:23:21.000 Just shut your fucking phone off. 1.00
01:23:22.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:23:23.000 Very few.
01:23:23.000 Yeah, very few.
01:23:24.000 How many times you go to a restaurant and you see people just staring at her phone when another person's over there staring at their phone?
01:23:29.000 Right.
01:23:29.000 Like, Jesus.
01:23:30.000 It's like, oh, they're in love. 0.99
01:23:32.000 Or when you see the whole family of four and the kids that even have headphones on and they're just staring and you're like, your communication skills are going to suck ass when you're older because no one's talking to you. 0.98
01:23:43.000 You don't want to talk to them. 0.99
01:23:44.000 No one's forcing you to.
01:23:45.000 Well, I have a folder on my phone that's all for my kids.
01:23:49.000 My kids, their little fingerprints open my phone up.
01:23:51.000 And if I leave my phone around, they grab it, because they think it's fun to set your fingerprint.
01:23:57.000 How old are they?
01:23:57.000 Five and seven, the little ones.
01:23:58.000 And so they'll go to the folder, and if I don't let them play with the phone, I'm like, no, no, no, come on, let's just have a conversation.
01:24:06.000 Oh! 0.60
01:24:08.000 What?
01:24:08.000 Come on!
01:24:09.000 Can I just play with your phone?
01:24:11.000 Like, no, you can't.
01:24:12.000 Can I play with your phone?
01:24:13.000 No, I just said you can't.
01:24:14.000 Can I please play with your phone?
01:24:15.000 No, you can't play with the phone.
01:24:16.000 Let's just hang out and talk.
01:24:18.000 When that hovers over your head as an option to talking to your parents, it's so attractive that they just can't.
01:24:24.000 Can I play with your phone now? 1.00
01:24:25.000 No, you just asked 30 seconds ago, you little fuck. 1.00
01:24:27.000 Come on. 1.00
01:24:29.000 I don't say that, but...
01:24:30.000 But it is, I mean, like, I saw kids actually walking, like, just a group of kids, where the gym is that I work at, where, like, Fairfax High School is.
01:24:40.000 So I go to this little boxing gym, and there's an alleyway where the kids will walk, and so, like, when you're in there, you can watch them walking after school, and every single one is just buried in their phone.
01:24:49.000 They don't look up, they're just...
01:24:51.000 Some lady walked right into me at the airport the other day. 1.00
01:24:53.000 Just on her phone.
01:24:54.000 I just stood, like, I was like, is she gonna walk right into me?
01:24:57.000 Bam! 0.98
01:24:58.000 Like, just wasn't even looking.
01:24:59.000 Just hoping that people would just get out of her way.
01:25:02.000 I was like, this is hilarious.
01:25:03.000 This lady's just walking forward while texting. 1.00
01:25:06.000 Yeah.
01:25:06.000 All I did was stop.
01:25:07.000 I was like, okay, what's going on here?
01:25:09.000 Boom! 0.99
01:25:09.000 Like, she can't just, like, go to the side and... 0.99
01:25:12.000 Just, how do you walk and text in a crowded place at an airport? 0.98
01:25:16.000 Yeah, and plus there's fucking chairs, like, everywhere. 1.00
01:25:18.000 Yeah, have a seat, bitch. 1.00
01:25:19.000 Yeah, have a seat at one of the gates. 1.00
01:25:21.000 Well, how many times you've been on the road and you watch someone swerving and you go, this fucker's texting, I know it. 0.99
01:25:24.000 You pull up beside them and you see the light of their phone illuminating their face. 0.98
01:25:28.000 Or when it's like you're at a red light, light turns green and they're still sitting there because they're...
01:25:34.000 And somebody has to honk and then...
01:25:36.000 Well, again, I think these things go back to what I was talking about earlier, that media, I think, is too compelling for our natural response systems, our natural instincts and reward systems that are in place for people.
01:25:48.000 Like, this is just, like, too much going on on there.
01:25:50.000 It's too fun.
01:25:51.000 It's too, peek in there, woo!
01:25:53.000 You know?
01:25:54.000 But have you ever got, like, where you were on a long flight, and there was, like, no Wi-Fi or whatever, and you couldn't wait to play with your phone?
01:26:00.000 Sometimes, yeah.
01:26:01.000 Like a five hour flight, you land, and then when you're finally in a chair and you're comfortable, you're like...
01:26:06.000 Check my email!
01:26:08.000 Well, when you go to Australia, 16 hours with no email.
01:26:11.000 That's brutal, right.
01:26:14.000 Well, you know about that lady that texted that joke about AIDS? Yes. 1.00
01:26:19.000 Well, that was what we were talking about when we were talking about you.
01:26:21.000 She got fired. 0.97
01:26:21.000 This woman who did it was like one of those people that would do that. 0.97
01:26:25.000 She would text funny shit. 0.99
01:26:27.000 Right. 1.00
01:26:27.000 Like, you know, controversial, try to be funny and try to be rude. 1.00
01:26:31.000 And she texts this joke about, I'm going to Africa, hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding, I'm white, lol. 0.94
01:26:37.000 Which I read, and I laughed.
01:26:39.000 I thought it was funny.
01:26:40.000 Yeah, I laughed. 1.00
01:26:40.000 But she's fucked. 1.00
01:26:42.000 Oh, yeah, I mean, she got shit-canned. 1.00
01:26:44.000 Yeah, she got shit-canned, and now she works for one of those, sort of like DraftKings, one of those kind of companies. 1.00
01:26:50.000 Oh, they're about to get shit-canned, too. 0.99
01:26:51.000 And she's involved in another company. 0.99
01:26:52.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:26:52.000 Why are they getting shit-canned, though? 0.99
01:26:53.000 I don't understand. 0.99
01:26:54.000 I think they got too greedy with their commercials.
01:26:57.000 Oh, really? 0.99
01:26:57.000 You know, because everybody that did fantasy football and shit like that were... 0.99
01:27:01.000 You know, all the cool dudes have got to go to Hooters on Saturday morning to draft my team, you know, that kind of thing. 0.97
01:27:06.000 And I think that it just got to, like, in your face.
01:27:09.000 Like, yeah, we're gambling. 0.99
01:27:10.000 We don't give a shit. 0.99
01:27:11.000 Here's our ad for it. 0.99
01:27:11.000 Like, you can't do that. 0.99
01:27:13.000 But it should be legal. 0.99
01:27:15.000 It should be fucking legal. 0.98
01:27:15.000 Trust me, it should totally be legal, but the reason they're in trouble, I think, is they get too greedy. 0.98
01:27:19.000 Is that why they're in trouble?
01:27:21.000 Jamie, you know about all that stuff.
01:27:22.000 I think it is why they're in trouble, right?
01:27:23.000 Is that why they're in trouble?
01:27:24.000 Sort of.
01:27:25.000 Sort of.
01:27:26.000 They're being, from what I understand, they're being a little bit deceptive in what's actually going on.
01:27:31.000 There's some people that have, only like, from what I've read, 1% of the people that actually play are winning like 99% of the money.
01:27:37.000 Smart ones, like the rest of the world.
01:27:40.000 They have some algorithms.
01:27:41.000 They used to be professional poker players online.
01:27:43.000 Oh, so they figured out how to do it with math.
01:27:48.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:27:49.000 It's all math.
01:27:50.000 It's Excel programs.
01:27:51.000 I would not be able to do that.
01:27:52.000 Well, I used to have this sponsor called Lumosity.
01:27:54.000 And Lumosity is like their brain games.
01:27:56.000 And they're supposed to increase your IQ. They're kind of interesting.
01:27:59.000 They're supposed to increase you.
01:28:00.000 There are games that you play that can actually accelerate learning or help you learn or make your brain work better.
01:28:08.000 Yeah, there's some that are like threes.
01:28:10.000 There's like some number games that are supposed to help you.
01:28:12.000 Chess.
01:28:13.000 Chess helps your brain. 1.00
01:28:15.000 Well, these people got grady with their claims, and now they're fucked. 0.99
01:28:19.000 And they just had a judgment against them for like millions of dollars to pay back. 0.99
01:28:23.000 Yeah, because they were saying shit like it could... 0.98
01:28:25.000 I guess they had alluded to the idea that it would help stave off early Alzheimer's. 0.96
01:28:32.000 Yeah, I had read something about that, because there was different games, and there was something that was, like, if you're driving somewhere, and there was a thing like, drive with oven mitts on, or, you know.
01:28:44.000 What?
01:28:44.000 Yeah, like, it was like, do something different.
01:28:46.000 Like, you always go to the grocery store, you go on this aisle, start in the middle.
01:28:50.000 Oh.
01:28:50.000 Like, you know, so as people get older, as you get older, you really get set in your ways.
01:28:55.000 And so, you know, to go this way to this place, go the other way.
01:28:58.000 Oh.
01:28:58.000 Yeah.
01:28:58.000 How fucked up are human beings?
01:29:00.000 But something to just kind of jar your brain, you know, like to make you, oh, okay, now I have to think. 1.00
01:29:05.000 Because usually after a while, you're just a robot. 0.97
01:29:07.000 You're doing exactly the same damn thing. 0.92
01:29:10.000 Go to a different grocery store. 0.95
01:29:11.000 You know, like that kind of thing, which I love.
01:29:14.000 My mom's, I told her about this, and she goes, oh, okay, well, tell me.
01:29:18.000 And I said, well, like when you go to the grocery store, I said, go a different route.
01:29:22.000 Take, you know, take the 7th Street and go around.
01:29:24.000 Well, I'm not doing that.
01:29:27.000 I was like, okay, but when you go in, you always start at produce.
01:29:30.000 I said, start at the bread aisle. 1.00
01:29:31.000 The other said, well, that's just stupid. 0.99
01:29:33.000 I'm not doing that. 1.00
01:29:33.000 I was like, well, have fun. 1.00
01:29:35.000 I'll see you in the nursing home.
01:29:36.000 I don't know what to say.
01:29:38.000 Trying to help you.
01:29:39.000 Jesus.
01:29:40.000 It's weird that people have that thing where patterns, they actually sort of limit the possibilities that your brain has to consider.
01:29:49.000 So your brain sort of atrophies.
01:29:51.000 Almost like not lifting weights or not exercising or something along those lines.
01:29:56.000 Yeah.
01:29:56.000 I mean, I have to go exercise.
01:29:58.000 That helps me.
01:29:59.000 It makes me...
01:30:01.000 Oh, yeah.
01:30:01.000 Yeah, I mean, that helps a lot.
01:30:03.000 Do you do that before shows?
01:30:04.000 Do you find out, like, if you have an important show that exercising sort of leads?
01:30:08.000 Oh, yeah, I try to do. 1.00
01:30:08.000 Fuck, for me, it's cardio. 1.00
01:30:10.000 Like, hard cardio. 1.00
01:30:12.000 I'll do, like, elliptical machine or something like that for, like, a half an hour before a show.
01:30:16.000 I feel so much better.
01:30:17.000 Yeah.
01:30:18.000 It's almost like...
01:30:19.000 I know it doesn't work that way, but it's almost like I gotta clean out my brain pipes, like I'm just flushing the system with blood.
01:30:26.000 I know it doesn't really work that way.
01:30:27.000 No, but it's like, I actually think it does, because if you ever had a show where, you know, you got somewhere and you're like, okay, I have to take a nap, because you've been going, going.
01:30:35.000 You take a nap, you wake up to go to the show, and I'm mush.
01:30:39.000 Like, I just, you know, I've just woken up.
01:30:41.000 Like, I just don't feel as sharp.
01:30:44.000 Yeah.
01:30:45.000 As if, you know, when I go to work out and then I'm just going, I'm like, I'm ready to go then.
01:30:51.000 Yeah, I don't know exactly what the mechanisms are that are going on inside the mind when you're exercising.
01:30:56.000 But there's something that the mind gets exercised too, as well as the body, because your mind has to move the body.
01:31:03.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:31:04.000 Exercise being a non-mental thing because, oh, you're just a meathead, just fucking working out, lifting weights. 0.98
01:31:11.000 But there's something that's going on while your brain is forcing your body to do these movements. 0.99
01:31:16.000 You're exercising willpower.
01:31:18.000 You're exercising determination and focus.
01:31:21.000 There's all these things that are going on that I think accentuate intellectual pursuits, if that makes any sense.
01:31:26.000 No, it does.
01:31:27.000 I mean, like, I go to this boxing gym and I don't actually spar with people, but it's just one-on-one being my trainer, but he'll, you know, pads on his hands and he, I have to do combinations.
01:31:39.000 Right.
01:31:39.000 And I have to, so I have to think.
01:31:40.000 And I know when I start getting really tired and I need to get a drink of water, like, I'll start forgetting.
01:31:45.000 Right.
01:31:45.000 I can watch myself be fresh and then I'm like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:31:48.000 Yeah, you told me to weave.
01:31:50.000 Okay, hang on.
01:31:50.000 You know, then go back at it again.
01:31:52.000 Let me get a drink of water.
01:31:53.000 But I like it because it makes me think while I'm doing something.
01:31:56.000 Right.
01:31:57.000 I still have to concentrate on exactly, you know, whatever it is I'm doing.
01:32:01.000 So there is something to it.
01:32:03.000 I agree with that.
01:32:04.000 Yeah.
01:32:05.000 Any sort of exercise that you have to think about things.
01:32:08.000 Like they say handball is really good for the mind.
01:32:11.000 Really?
01:32:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:32:13.000 Racquetball, handball, things along those lines, so that ball's coming, you don't know where it's going, you have to really anticipate what's happening.
01:32:19.000 Would tennis be the same thing?
01:32:20.000 Yeah, I would imagine tennis would be the same thing.
01:32:23.000 Because there's hand-eye coordination involved with fast motion, calculations, the spin of the ball, the ball's bouncing, here it goes.
01:32:31.000 There's a lot of different things you have to sort of trick your mind into getting engaged with.
01:32:37.000 Yeah.
01:32:38.000 No, I agree with that.
01:32:39.000 I mean, it's...
01:32:40.000 I don't know.
01:32:41.000 I don't know what causes Alzheimer's.
01:32:45.000 What's the cause of it?
01:32:46.000 I think it's a genetic issue.
01:32:48.000 Is it?
01:32:48.000 I believe so.
01:32:49.000 I believe people have a genetic propensity for it. 0.95
01:32:53.000 But I wonder if people that just do, like when people get old and they're just in the recliner all fucking day long and that's it, they're watching the same shit, like you're not challenging yourself ever. 0.95
01:33:02.000 Yeah. 0.85
01:33:03.000 I wonder if that factors in at all.
01:33:05.000 I think it certainly could factor in, but people that have it, it is a disease.
01:33:10.000 People that I know, I have a friend whose girlfriend's dad has it and they have to go visit and it's just, he's just barely there.
01:33:21.000 Yeah.
01:33:22.000 He's completely out of it.
01:33:23.000 And it was an interesting podcast, I think it was Radio Lab, where they're talking about, they were trying to repopulate the whooping crane.
01:33:32.000 The whooping crane was like in danger of extinction.
01:33:34.000 And one of the things that they had done was they tried to come up with new migration paths for these animals.
01:33:41.000 I think I read something about that.
01:33:43.000 Well, this lady had bird feeders in her yard, and these whooping cranes had come to her yard to use the bird feeders, and they were setting up these bird feeders and interacting with them. 0.99
01:33:56.000 And the scientist that had spent so much money and so much time trying to Engage these whooping cranes into forming these new migration paths We're trying to get her to stop doing it trying to get her to stop feeding the birds Because these birds they will they don't want them. 1.00
01:34:12.000 They want to be wild They don't want them to rely on people and right also Because these patterns were predictable people would find them and people but some people were shooting the whooping cranes should have lost a few of them and it's been fucking ungodly amounts of money trying to repopulate birds But her husband had Alzheimer's,
01:34:31.000 like real bad.
01:34:32.000 And the only thing that would get him excited was birds.
01:34:35.000 So he would be out there with her and he would see the birds.
01:34:38.000 He would, oh, look, look, there he is right there.
01:34:40.000 And she said, like, for that brief moment while these birds were there, he would be back.
01:34:44.000 And she'd be able to engage him and talk to him.
01:34:47.000 But when the birds were gone, he just drifted away.
01:34:49.000 He went right back.
01:34:50.000 And he was gone. 1.00
01:34:51.000 And so she was like, fuck you. 1.00
01:34:53.000 I'm hanging out with my husband with the birds. 1.00
01:34:55.000 It was weird, you know?
01:34:56.000 That's pretty, yeah.
01:34:58.000 It's actually kind of incredible.
01:34:59.000 I mean, I remember like when my dad, like before he died, this is a real fun story, but my mom was like, you know, just they were frustrated with each other.
01:35:08.000 You know, he's just riddled with cancer.
01:35:10.000 She's trying to help.
01:35:11.000 He's pissed, you know, and they never fought.
01:35:13.000 They never like ever.
01:35:14.000 So it was weird to see them that way.
01:35:16.000 But then if somebody came that he didn't know, he would come back.
01:35:21.000 It was like, you're a new person. 0.99
01:35:24.000 It's not the same shit. 0.99
01:35:25.000 As soon as somebody brand new came in, like if it was a nurse or somebody he didn't know, I would watch him just immediately come back. 0.99
01:35:34.000 I don't know if he was trying to be more hospitable or if it was what it was, but just...
01:35:40.000 You would watch him just like it could just switch and he would be nice.
01:35:43.000 Well, I think novelty, new things, new experiences, new places, all those things stimulate areas of our brain that we kind of take for granted.
01:35:52.000 Yeah. 0.94
01:35:53.000 Like, I like doing things that I suck at.
01:35:55.000 That's one of the things that I really like doing.
01:35:57.000 I like doing things that I'm not good at.
01:35:59.000 I'm new at them.
01:36:00.000 And because I'm new at them, I get obsessed with it.
01:36:03.000 You want to be good at it.
01:36:04.000 But you're probably competitive.
01:36:07.000 To a fault of issues.
01:36:11.000 I'll be sweating at a board game or something.
01:36:14.000 I was real bad when I was young.
01:36:18.000 I'm way better at it now.
01:36:19.000 Because now I understand what it is.
01:36:21.000 Back then I just would be overwhelmed by the demon.
01:36:24.000 I just needed to win.
01:36:28.000 Find a way to win.
01:36:30.000 But just new things, like even things that aren't competitive.
01:36:32.000 Well, I guess archery can be competitive, but I just do it like sort of as practice.
01:36:38.000 But I'm obsessed with it. 0.98
01:36:39.000 I fucking, it's just because I suck at it, for whatever reason, like when I'm practicing, it just becomes my entire focus. 0.98
01:36:47.000 And these new things like that, like yoga is another thing. 1.00
01:36:50.000 I fucking suck at it. 0.99
01:36:52.000 I tried yoga once. 1.00
01:36:53.000 I love doing it.
01:36:53.000 I can't do it.
01:36:54.000 How come you can't do it?
01:36:56.000 You only tried it once.
01:36:57.000 I'm not flexible.
01:36:58.000 Well, that's because you got to stretch. 0.99
01:36:59.000 What the fuck kind of logic is that? 0.99
01:37:01.000 I know. 1.00
01:37:02.000 But I sucked at it.
01:37:02.000 That's like saying, yeah, I tried playing football, but I'm not good at it.
01:37:06.000 I tried once.
01:37:06.000 Well, also, I like to move around a lot more.
01:37:08.000 Oh, okay.
01:37:09.000 So that's why yoga really wasn't...
01:37:10.000 I like feeling like I'm doing...
01:37:12.000 I like to go jog.
01:37:13.000 I like to, you know, like...
01:37:14.000 That's not enough moving about for me.
01:37:16.000 Yeah.
01:37:16.000 Well, that's part of the whole practice of it.
01:37:18.000 Right.
01:37:19.000 It's practice being still and holding poses.
01:37:22.000 Yeah.
01:37:23.000 My point is I'm not good at it, so I'm obsessed with it.
01:37:26.000 So when I do it, it just becomes this overwhelming thing for me where I concentrate on it all the time, and I'll do it a couple days a week, and for the other days that I'm not doing it, I'm thinking about it a lot of the time.
01:37:37.000 That's interesting.
01:37:39.000 I think that's why, like, stand-up does that for me.
01:37:42.000 Oh, yeah.
01:37:42.000 Stand-up really does that for me, because I always get a little nervous before I go, you know, like, and if it works, you know, and if it doesn't, you figure out what joke didn't work, why it didn't, you know, should I scrap it?
01:37:54.000 Should I change it?
01:37:55.000 Should I? But that's one thing I really love about stand-up, is it does, like, jar me, you know?
01:38:00.000 It makes me, like...
01:38:02.000 You know like how you feel when you get off stage and you're like all psyched up and shit like I love that feeling of being nervous and you know on stage and That always is very like rewarding to me Well stand-up is one of the few things that's still challenging in that way all these years later 26 plus years later for me But it's also because I write new stuff.
01:38:20.000 Yeah, that's the key is practicing Using new material.
01:38:23.000 Yeah.
01:38:23.000 That's always, yeah.
01:38:24.000 Having new material, constantly writing, if you don't do that, then you get trapped.
01:38:28.000 Yeah.
01:38:29.000 And if you get trapped with an act, like, we all know those older comics that have been around for 50 fucking years or whatever, and they have that act where they're doing, like, Reagan impressions and needs more tissues.
01:38:38.000 Yeah, I've got one.
01:38:40.000 Claritin.
01:38:40.000 Powerful Claritin.
01:38:41.000 I know.
01:38:41.000 It hasn't kicked in yet.
01:38:43.000 I took it on the way here.
01:38:44.000 Are you allergic to anything else?
01:38:45.000 Cats, dogs, cheese, milk, nothing? 1.00
01:38:47.000 No, just shit flying through the air. 1.00
01:38:50.000 You don't even know what it is, huh? 0.99
01:38:52.000 No, I know it's like pollen.
01:38:53.000 Every time it rains, that's when it happens.
01:38:56.000 So it's whatever's kicked up, like ragweed, pollen.
01:38:59.000 Is it seasonal times of year?
01:39:02.000 Yeah.
01:39:02.000 Did you get it in Houston as well?
01:39:04.000 Mm-hmm.
01:39:04.000 Huh.
01:39:05.000 Just different times of year in Houston.
01:39:06.000 It's different out here.
01:39:07.000 I've actually had it worse out here, which is weird.
01:39:10.000 That is weird.
01:39:11.000 Yeah, I don't know if it's the climate.
01:39:13.000 Like, I was in a really humid climate.
01:39:15.000 I don't know if there's just something else maybe that I'm allergic to that I don't know.
01:39:19.000 But I've noticed that because my eyes get a little burned, you know, and I'll get like that, you know, just real red.
01:39:25.000 I could feel like everything's draining.
01:39:28.000 That's interesting because a lot of people move to dry desert climates like Arizona to try to avoid...
01:39:33.000 Believe me, I know.
01:39:34.000 It's weird.
01:39:35.000 I don't know what it is, but it's been worse since I've been in LA. Houston in the summer is one of the most bizarre environments.
01:39:42.000 Oh, you get fucking brutal. 0.98
01:39:44.000 You're just breathing water. 0.99
01:39:47.000 Yeah, everything's just...
01:39:48.000 It's wet!
01:39:49.000 You feel like you could drain your lungs.
01:39:50.000 It'll be like 100 degrees and 100% humidity.
01:39:53.000 Yeah.
01:39:53.000 It's insane.
01:39:54.000 The windows outside, you walk up, you're wearing sunglasses, they fog up and everything.
01:39:58.000 Yeah, your sunglasses fog up, your clothes instantly stick to you.
01:40:02.000 Yeah, like everything, your t-shirts will start feeling a little flimsy.
01:40:05.000 Like if you had one of those stiff t-shirts, all of a sudden it's real flimsy on you.
01:40:10.000 Wet, just stuck to you.
01:40:12.000 But it's really good for your skin.
01:40:14.000 Is it?
01:40:15.000 Yeah.
01:40:15.000 Chicks stay young looking for a long time out there.
01:40:18.000 Stay moist.
01:40:21.000 Moist?
01:40:22.000 Facially.
01:40:24.000 Skin wise.
01:40:26.000 I don't mean the other way.
01:40:28.000 Moist facially doesn't sound...
01:40:30.000 Yeah, your skin, your facial skin stays moist.
01:40:33.000 Does that make sense?
01:40:34.000 Am I lying?
01:40:34.000 Am I making things up?
01:40:35.000 I use lotion.
01:40:36.000 Yeah, well that helps too.
01:40:37.000 Yeah.
01:40:38.000 That's a good move.
01:40:38.000 Yeah, I do that.
01:40:39.000 But I think that the environment, like the dry air environment is bad for your skin.
01:40:46.000 Oh, it definitely is because I know like when it...
01:40:48.000 Those moments during the summertime out here when it's just... 0.86
01:40:52.000 Fucking that just gnarly heat, that desert heat. 0.97
01:40:55.000 Hairdryer heat. 0.99
01:40:56.000 Oh my god, and it's like, my skin is like drinking the lotion that I put on it.
01:41:00.000 It's like, how have my skin already dried out again?
01:41:03.000 You know, like you're just sitting there just...
01:41:05.000 It's pretty not fun.
01:41:08.000 Well, I like it out here better.
01:41:11.000 What do you like about here?
01:41:12.000 More open-minded?
01:41:14.000 No, there's just more to do.
01:41:16.000 I like doing all the stand-up stuff and writing.
01:41:19.000 It's different because I moved out here.
01:41:20.000 Career-wise?
01:41:20.000 Yeah, career-wise.
01:41:22.000 I love my career, so that makes it...
01:41:25.000 Plus, the weather's usually always nice out here.
01:41:27.000 I like the beaches.
01:41:28.000 I like to surf.
01:41:30.000 I like to...
01:41:31.000 You know, it's fun.
01:41:33.000 There's two things I don't like out here.
01:41:35.000 One, the overpopulation.
01:41:36.000 Yeah.
01:41:37.000 It's ridiculously overcrowded. 0.99
01:41:38.000 The traffic sucks. 1.00
01:41:38.000 Passholes. 1.00
01:41:39.000 Traffic sucks. 0.99
01:41:39.000 That stuff. 0.99
01:41:40.000 And two, there's...
01:41:43.000 Go ahead.
01:41:45.000 She's tucking away. 1.00
01:41:47.000 No, I'm just like throwing all my fucking tissues. 0.99
01:41:51.000 It's really impressive. 0.99
01:41:51.000 The other thing is there's this disingenuous aspect of the entertainment industry. 0.99
01:41:58.000 There's this shallow, weird sort of actor-y thing that I think is a product of people having to audition.
01:42:05.000 So you're constantly having to get people to like you.
01:42:08.000 So you put on this sort of fake behavior.
01:42:11.000 Yeah.
01:42:11.000 And then you become a part of whatever click or whatever pattern that you think is in the vogue and popular.
01:42:18.000 How many people called Caitlyn Jenner a hero?
01:42:23.000 You're in.
01:42:23.000 You're in with the right sensibilities.
01:42:26.000 Everyone likes you. 1.00
01:42:28.000 Even though in your head you could be like, what the fuck? 1.00
01:42:30.000 Kony 2012. I mean, there was like this fucking Kony 2012 where everybody fucking jumped on board. 1.00
01:42:36.000 I'm like, do you even know what the fuck you have a bumper sticker for? 0.99
01:42:40.000 Do you know that I still hashtag that? 0.99
01:42:41.000 Kony 2012?
01:42:43.000 But I'll do it on something that makes absolutely no sense.
01:42:46.000 It's just a horrible dick joke and then I always put Kony 2012. I'm like, I'm not going to let it die. 0.51
01:42:53.000 I'm just going to keep it.
01:42:54.000 You shouldn't.
01:42:55.000 I want it to stay relevant.
01:42:56.000 Kony 2012. That's one of my favorite all-time human folly stories, because the guy who started that whole movement... 0.99
01:43:02.000 That meltdown he had...
01:43:03.000 Oh, it was amazing!
01:43:04.000 It was so good.
01:43:05.000 That was a true meltdown.
01:43:08.000 Yeah.
01:43:08.000 Well, I think he was probably completely insane before he started.
01:43:12.000 Absolutely.
01:43:13.000 And then the pressure of the success of the movement, like somehow or another, this guy got celebrities and all these world-famous people were on board because it became the cause du jour, you know?
01:43:24.000 Right.
01:43:25.000 It was the thing.
01:43:26.000 Yeah, it was the flavor of the month.
01:43:28.000 I mean, he, like, how long did it last?
01:43:30.000 So I'm trying to think.
01:43:31.000 It's quite a while.
01:43:32.000 Six months, maybe?
01:43:33.000 Six, okay.
01:43:34.000 Something like that?
01:43:34.000 But it was amazing.
01:43:36.000 Yeah, every celebrity was on board wearing their t-shirt.
01:43:39.000 Mm-hmm.
01:43:39.000 Coney 2012. I saw so many bumper stickers.
01:43:42.000 Oh, my God. 0.99
01:43:43.000 One day, jerking off in front of people, running around the street with your pants down, screaming. 1.00
01:43:48.000 He was completely naked, just screaming on the corner. 0.99
01:43:52.000 And I was like...
01:43:52.000 Kony 2012. Don't forget.
01:43:54.000 It's over.
01:43:55.000 Don't forget.
01:43:56.000 Blessed.
01:43:57.000 Hashtag blessed.
01:43:58.000 And it ended.
01:43:59.000 It ended.
01:44:00.000 Like that.
01:44:00.000 That was it.
01:44:00.000 Like that.
01:44:01.000 That's all it took.
01:44:02.000 It was like people talked a little bit about the meltdown, and then it was like something else happened.
01:44:06.000 We never heard...
01:44:07.000 Who knows what that guy is doing right now?
01:44:09.000 But to me that embodies the disingenuous aspect of a lot of the Hollywood activism type behavior.
01:44:16.000 I don't necessarily think they're really interested in the activism as much as they're interested in people thinking they're interested in the activism.
01:44:23.000 They're trying to put together a package.
01:44:26.000 And that packages how you look, how you dress, how you act, how you behave. 0.99
01:44:30.000 And you have to have liberal sensibilities because you want to be fucking cast. 0.97
01:44:33.000 So you have to connect with these people that are the casting agents. 0.98
01:44:37.000 You can't be outrageous in any way that's non-conducive.
01:44:42.000 You can't be a Republican.
01:44:43.000 Oh, no.
01:44:44.000 If you say you're a Republican, Who's it that said it?
01:44:47.000 Rob Schneider or somebody said he was a Republican?
01:44:49.000 Is he?
01:44:50.000 I think he said it, but it was just like... 1.00
01:44:51.000 He's a fucking vaccine denier, and he's got a lot of weird shit going on with him. 1.00
01:44:55.000 Right, but it's like if you... 1.00
01:44:56.000 It's not liberal, you know, like...
01:44:57.000 Yeah.
01:44:58.000 Well, I guess a vaccine...
01:44:59.000 There's a lot of vaccine deniers that are liberal. 1.00
01:45:02.000 But it's such a weird thing that if you do something that's not the norm out here, everyone just treats you like a bag of shit, you know what I mean? 1.00
01:45:08.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00
01:45:09.000 Yeah.
01:45:09.000 I don't feel like I don't have that problem because I'm not an actor.
01:45:12.000 Right.
01:45:13.000 I'm a writer and I do stand-up.
01:45:15.000 But also, I don't know if it's because I moved out here.
01:45:17.000 I'm 37. So I didn't move out here at 19, starry-eyed with five roommates and inefficiency.
01:45:25.000 Yeah.
01:45:26.000 Super vulnerable to other ideas.
01:45:28.000 I'm like, no, I've been working.
01:45:29.000 I have a stock portfolio.
01:45:30.000 I bought a house. 0.97
01:45:32.000 So I didn't really give a shit the way that I think that if you come out here so early, you're totally affected by it. 0.98
01:45:39.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:45:39.000 Well, I've met a lot of people that were really young when they came out here, and I met them young when they were out here. 0.98
01:45:44.000 Like, I did a show once back in the day with this guy who was an actor, and he was like 22, and he was this handsome guy, and he was trying so hard to fucking be that guy. 0.85
01:45:55.000 Right.
01:45:56.000 And we were talking about, do you remember that Jack Nicholson movie with Helen Hunt?
01:46:02.000 I think it's called As Good As It Gets.
01:46:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99
01:46:04.000 I fucking hated that movie. 0.99
01:46:06.000 I hated that movie with every fiber of my being. 1.00
01:46:09.000 And one of the reasons why I hated it, because I felt sad that this woman who's a single mom, and she seemed really nice, and Jack Nicholson's a piece of shit. 1.00
01:46:16.000 He's an asshole and she's stuck with him. 1.00
01:46:19.000 This is as good as you get. 1.00
01:46:20.000 That was the whole idea of it. 0.99
01:46:22.000 And then there's this fucking ridiculous idea that he was racist because he needed medication. 0.99
01:46:27.000 So they gave him medication. 1.00
01:46:28.000 He stopped being racist. 0.99
01:46:29.000 Like, what the fuck kind of movie is? 1.00
01:46:31.000 This is gross. 0.99
01:46:32.000 And so he and I were having this conversation because it was the movie that everybody enjoyed.
01:46:36.000 Oh, everyone.
01:46:37.000 She wanted Buckingham. 0.74
01:46:38.000 It was amazing.
01:46:39.000 Yeah, she wanted an Oscar for it, I think.
01:46:40.000 So he and I were having this conversation.
01:46:42.000 He was doing that thing that they do, where if it is something that everybody likes, he likes it. 0.98
01:46:48.000 And I go, I fucking hated that movie. 0.96
01:46:51.000 And he's like, why? 0.99
01:46:52.000 He goes, it was an amazing movie.
01:46:53.000 I go, it was amazing?
01:46:54.000 I go, it was amazing. 1.00
01:46:55.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:46:56.000 And she's this poor woman who has this kid, and he's this old cunt, and she's stuck with him. 1.00
01:47:00.000 Right. 1.00
01:47:01.000 Because she can't get anybody any better, so she'd rather her sickly kid be around that creepy dude with sunglasses on the doors. 0.97
01:47:07.000 What?
01:47:08.000 Yeah.
01:47:08.000 So he goes, actually, I thought he had a lot to offer her.
01:47:11.000 I go, what did you just say?
01:47:13.000 He had a lot to offer?
01:47:14.000 What, breathing?
01:47:15.000 He's breathing around her?
01:47:16.000 He had money and she didn't. 0.70
01:47:17.000 What does that mean?
01:47:18.000 It was even worse.
01:47:19.000 The purpose of that movie was disgusting.
01:47:22.000 But when I had this conversation with him about it, it became clear really early on when I started chipping away at it.
01:47:29.000 What was it that got you about the movie?
01:47:33.000 What got him is that everybody was saying they liked it.
01:47:37.000 Right.
01:47:37.000 Everybody said they liked it, so he wanted to say he liked it.
01:47:39.000 And he's racking his brain for what was that one thing that person said about it.
01:47:43.000 He's an interesting case because he got real hot real quick. 0.97
01:47:48.000 People were really into him, but then they found out he was kind of dumb, and it just drifted away. 0.86
01:47:52.000 It just ended. 0.95
01:47:53.000 I thought that was okay in Hollywood. 1.00
01:47:55.000 He can only be so dumb. 1.00
01:47:56.000 Oh. 1.00
01:47:56.000 He was real fucking dumb. 1.00
01:47:57.000 He was super dumb. 1.00
01:47:58.000 There's a lot of people that they get a little bit of juice in the beginning, and they're like, whoa, it's really starting to happen. 1.00
01:48:05.000 So he's not...
01:48:06.000 And then the juice cuts off.
01:48:07.000 Sure.
01:48:08.000 And then some new one with maybe better cheeks or something? 0.98
01:48:10.000 Right.
01:48:10.000 I mean, everybody has their moments of getting hot and then cold.
01:48:13.000 And, you know, you have to hope if you get cold, you get hot.
01:48:16.000 You know, it's...
01:48:17.000 Yeah, but...
01:48:20.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:48:21.000 It's really fucking stupid. 1.00
01:48:22.000 I don't know. 1.00
01:48:23.000 Like, during that whole Chris Brown thing, that's my only, like, example.
01:48:27.000 So, of course, I was getting...
01:48:29.000 Invited to be on shows and talk about it and I declined everything I was like no, I'm not good for you.
01:48:35.000 I was like absolutely not Chris Brown thing.
01:48:37.000 We talked about it before the podcast, but if people don't know Chris Brown obviously was in trouble because he beat up Rihanna and that whole thing and you know the domestic violence issue and you tweeted something at him.
01:48:51.000 What did you tweet?
01:48:52.000 Well it was Like, my lowest form of comedy writing is the celebrity retweet.
01:48:57.000 It's because I can't think of anything else.
01:48:59.000 Right.
01:48:59.000 And I'll just go to my favorite targets like him or Kim Kardashian.
01:49:03.000 And I only make fun of when they write something stupid. 0.99
01:49:06.000 I never, I never, ever, like, I've never talked about somebody's looks, their weight, their, you know, like, it's just when something's dumb. 1.00
01:49:13.000 And with his, you know, what he did, he's a horrible person. 0.96
01:49:16.000 And he had showed no signs of remorse. 1.00
01:49:18.000 Like, he kept doing shit. 0.99
01:49:20.000 You know, threw a chair through the window in Good Morning America when Robin Roberts interviewed him. 0.99
01:49:24.000 Yeah, well, they kept asking him about it, and apparently they had made some sort of an agreement where they weren't going to bring up the domestic violence and say, I'm here to talk about my album.
01:49:32.000 Right. 0.98
01:49:33.000 But the whole thing is, it's like how he channeled his rage, you know, throwing a chair through a fucking window, really? 0.99
01:49:38.000 Like, you couldn't... 0.98
01:49:39.000 So I was bored. 0.97
01:49:40.000 He's a petulant child. 0.99
01:49:42.000 So I was bored, and he had tweeted something like, man, I look old as fuck and I'm only 23. And so I retweeted it and I was like, I know, being a worthless piece of shit can really age a person. 1.00
01:49:53.000 I thought it was funny. 0.99
01:49:54.000 And then all of a sudden, like, I look at my replies on my phone and it was like, it looked like that, those waterfall of just, like, all of a sudden it was like a thousand, two thousand. 0.97
01:50:05.000 I'm like, holy shit. 0.98
01:50:07.000 Whoops. 0.99
01:50:07.000 Like, what did I do? 0.99
01:50:08.000 And then I realized he was coming back.
01:50:10.000 Oh. 1.00
01:50:11.000 Like, you know, telling me to suck his dick. 1.00
01:50:14.000 I'm like, oh, your mother must be so... 1.00
01:50:15.000 Like, I just...
01:50:16.000 I played with him.
01:50:17.000 Right.
01:50:17.000 It was a Sunday.
01:50:17.000 I was bored.
01:50:18.000 And, like, next thing I know is, like, he deleted his entire Twitter account.
01:50:22.000 And I'm like...
01:50:24.000 Wow.
01:50:25.000 That's not what I meant to do. 1.00
01:50:26.000 Didn't he say he wanted to shit in your mouth, too? 1.00
01:50:29.000 Shart in my eye. 1.00
01:50:31.000 Your eye?
01:50:31.000 Shart?
01:50:32.000 My retina to be...
01:50:34.000 Well, how is he so specific?
01:50:36.000 I don't know.
01:50:36.000 I think he was trying to sound smart.
01:50:37.000 How kind of a laser beam accuracy does he have with his sharding? 0.96
01:50:39.000 Yeah, retina's even in the back of the eye.
01:50:41.000 It's not in the front.
01:50:41.000 Like, he didn't even...
01:50:42.000 I think he was just trying to sound smart.
01:50:44.000 Like, you shard on your retina.
01:50:46.000 I was just laughing away, and I, like...
01:50:49.000 He said, like, ask Rihanna if she mad.
01:50:52.000 I'm like...
01:50:52.000 Ask Rihanna if she mad.
01:50:54.000 Hmm.
01:50:55.000 So I tweeted back and then I linked his police report to that tweet.
01:51:00.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:51:01.000 Which I thought was funny.
01:51:02.000 And we went back and forth for a while and then he deleted his account and that's when it became a...
01:51:08.000 Did he put it back up?
01:51:09.000 Is his account back?
01:51:10.000 Yeah, it was only down for a couple weeks or something like that.
01:51:13.000 Can you delete your account when you put it back?
01:51:14.000 Do you get all your followers back?
01:51:15.000 Or do you have to start from scratch?
01:51:16.000 No, you have to start from scratch. 1.00
01:51:18.000 But he has the most insane, loyal group of idiots that follow him. 1.00
01:51:25.000 Just misspelled death threats all day long is what I got. 1.00
01:51:29.000 It was just misspelled death threats.
01:51:31.000 And I was like, well, you know, whoops.
01:51:33.000 But then the next day I was like, My manager, I love the call that I got.
01:51:38.000 She's like, Jenny, what did you do?
01:51:41.000 Because I have a lot of messages here.
01:51:43.000 And I was like, yeah, no, my bad.
01:51:46.000 I was like, just tell them all no.
01:51:48.000 And she's like, okay.
01:51:49.000 And she goes, are you sure you don't want?
01:51:51.000 I've got good ones.
01:51:52.000 A view.
01:51:52.000 Larry King.
01:51:53.000 I was like, no.
01:51:54.000 The view is a good one.
01:51:55.000 How hilarious is that?
01:51:56.000 She was laughing.
01:51:56.000 She was totally not promoting this.
01:51:58.000 And she's like, got some good ones I want you to be on.
01:52:01.000 We got Larry King.
01:52:01.000 We got the view.
01:52:02.000 I was like, no, no, no, no, no.
01:52:04.000 I don't want to do any of it.
01:52:05.000 Good for you.
01:52:05.000 Because I didn't want to...
01:52:06.000 That was not my intention.
01:52:08.000 It was just so happened that something that I thought he wasn't going to take and get pissed about like that ended up being something and it wasn't how I wanted to make myself known.
01:52:18.000 At that point, I already had over 300,000 followers.
01:52:22.000 It wasn't like I didn't...
01:52:23.000 I was just starting out and I was trying to get fame or something off of it.
01:52:29.000 You were doing what you do.
01:52:31.000 I was doing what I do, and it went somewhere that I did not expect it to go.
01:52:35.000 In the glorious place.
01:52:37.000 Yeah, and I was like, ah, yeah, no, I don't want to do that.
01:52:39.000 And I think about it, like, I wonder if people would, somebody said something one time, did that bother you that that was when you were really hot?
01:52:45.000 I was like, no, that is not when I was hot.
01:52:47.000 Maybe to you, to me, that was like the low, that was me like dipping, you know, no, it was not my finest hour.
01:52:55.000 I was not proud of that moment.
01:52:56.000 At all.
01:52:57.000 I don't regret it, but I'm certainly not going to go sit on a show and talk about how wonderful I am.
01:53:03.000 I was like, no, look at what I wrote. 1.00
01:53:05.000 I called him a fucking ignorant fuck. 1.00
01:53:10.000 I'm not Rosa Parks or something. 1.00
01:53:12.000 You're like some hero. 1.00
01:53:13.000 I was like, no, he's a piece of shit. 1.00
01:53:14.000 And I was just, I like acknowledging that. 1.00
01:53:17.000 Yeah.
01:53:17.000 That's it.
01:53:18.000 I wish I knew what happened with them.
01:53:20.000 I know he beat her, and I know you should never beat...
01:53:23.000 You shouldn't beat anybody.
01:53:25.000 You definitely shouldn't beat someone you love.
01:53:27.000 You definitely shouldn't beat a girl if you're a guy.
01:53:29.000 Yeah.
01:53:29.000 But I want to know what she did.
01:53:30.000 You know, she might have punched him in the face, too, and he punched her back.
01:53:34.000 Well, I mean, the whole police report is like...
01:53:36.000 You know, which he actually acknowledged it all, was she took his phone and there was another chick texting. 0.99
01:53:42.000 And she was like, what the fuck? 0.99
01:53:43.000 You know, but they're driving. 1.00
01:53:44.000 And then he punched her in the mouth and then just kept punching her, like driving around.
01:53:48.000 It was like a 30-minute torture session.
01:53:50.000 What?
01:53:50.000 Really?
01:53:50.000 Yeah, like he, you know, beat her head into, like, it's in, in Miss whatever her actual last name is, in her mouth filled with blood, a tooth chipped, uh...
01:53:58.000 She didn't hit him at all?
01:54:00.000 No, she didn't hit him at all.
01:54:01.000 She kept trying to get out of the car. 0.98
01:54:03.000 But then they break up.
01:54:04.000 Of course, he's got a restraining order.
01:54:06.000 And then when that ended, she got back together with him. 1.00
01:54:09.000 Probably give some good dick. 1.00
01:54:11.000 I guess so. 1.00
01:54:12.000 I don't know.
01:54:16.000 Maybe she forgave him. 0.99
01:54:18.000 Maybe she shouldn't have been fucking with his phone. 0.99
01:54:21.000 Maybe she should have kept her hands where they belong. 0.99
01:54:23.000 Not on his phone.
01:54:24.000 That ain't your phone.
01:54:25.000 Is that your phone?
01:54:26.000 That ain't your phone. 0.99
01:54:28.000 Well, that was such a, like, I mean, it was such a, you know, when I started getting all of it, I'm like, oh my God, my mom is going to, like, read the shit that I wrote. 0.96
01:54:36.000 Like, I was more just going, oh, Jesus. 0.98
01:54:38.000 So imagine if that was your daughter.
01:54:40.000 That guy was hitting your daughter. 0.97
01:54:43.000 And then just, oh, I'm getting back together with him.
01:54:45.000 Yeah.
01:54:46.000 Ugh.
01:54:47.000 I just...
01:54:48.000 Who knows? 1.00
01:54:49.000 Garbage, man. 1.00
01:54:50.000 Who knows what the fuck they're really like or what she's really like. 1.00
01:54:53.000 She's obviously a little crazy, too. 1.00
01:54:54.000 Yeah, I mean, she'd have to be like a little... 1.00
01:54:57.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:54:58.000 But I think people that are that talented are just fucking crazy anyway. 0.99
01:55:02.000 Him or her, who's talented? 0.99
01:55:03.000 Her.
01:55:04.000 She's very talented.
01:55:05.000 Her voice is incredible.
01:55:06.000 Yeah, but a lot of people can sing.
01:55:08.000 You don't think she's talented?
01:55:09.000 No.
01:55:10.000 Well, it's just because I think she's done for getting back together with them.
01:55:14.000 I have a hard time getting past that.
01:55:16.000 But I don't even listen to any music anyway.
01:55:18.000 I'm such an old person driving around listening to Lithium.
01:55:22.000 I'm serious?
01:55:24.000 That's who you listen to?
01:55:26.000 What do you listen to?
01:55:27.000 What's your kind of music?
01:55:28.000 I'm not kidding.
01:55:29.000 That's probably it.
01:55:29.000 I listen to that.
01:55:30.000 80s, 90s.
01:55:31.000 First Wave.
01:55:33.000 I like my Pandora.
01:55:34.000 You're a Nirvana fan?
01:55:35.000 I like Nirvana already.
01:55:36.000 Did you see Soaked in Bleach?
01:55:38.000 I did.
01:55:38.000 I didn't really care for it.
01:55:39.000 What did you think about it?
01:55:40.000 I didn't like it.
01:55:41.000 The movie?
01:55:42.000 The documentary that thinks that Courtney Love had a part in Kurt Cobain's death?
01:55:46.000 Yeah, I mean, I've seen...
01:55:47.000 How many documentaries are there about him?
01:55:50.000 There's a few.
01:55:51.000 There's a lot.
01:55:52.000 There's the... 0.85
01:55:53.000 There's some real shitty ones that didn't be... 0.75
01:55:55.000 The HBO one, right? 0.88
01:55:56.000 Yeah.
01:55:56.000 The montage of heck that I didn't see.
01:55:59.000 The reenactment crap. 0.99
01:56:00.000 That was terrible. 0.99
01:56:01.000 I was out.
01:56:03.000 I couldn't finish it, actually, because I'm like, I can't watch bad acting.
01:56:06.000 Like, I thought it was a documentary.
01:56:08.000 Right.
01:56:08.000 And if I'm watching actors pretend to be...
01:56:11.000 And it's somebody else's version of it, you know, it felt...
01:56:18.000 I agree with you in that sense, but I don't think they had rights to anything else.
01:56:23.000 I think she owns the rights to Kurt, so I don't think they could do anything else if they wanted to show that movie and depict those stories.
01:56:32.000 Would you just not do it? 0.99
01:56:34.000 Well, I think the problem is people won't read books and another problem is if you want people to Pay attention you would have to listen to her actual voice saying a bunch of crazy shit,
01:56:49.000 which is in that documentary When you hear her actual voice lying about, like, having a drug overdose and making these publicity stunts and lying to him about where she found the suicide note or, you know, when she says she found it under the bed or under the pillows, and he's like, well, 0.72
01:57:04.000 here's the problem with that.
01:57:05.000 I checked under the pillows.
01:57:06.000 We checked under all the pillows.
01:57:07.000 We checked under everything.
01:57:08.000 We scoured that room.
01:57:10.000 And she's like, you know, I swear it was there.
01:57:12.000 Like, what?
01:57:13.000 Like, when you hear that, and then when you see the actual physical evidence of her copying Kurt Cobain's handwriting, and then you see the difference between the suicide note, which is three, mostly, like, seven-eighths is suicide note, is him talking about non-related stuff,
01:57:29.000 and then the last tiny portion of it is the suicide note, which is clearly in a different handwriting. 0.97
01:57:35.000 Bigger letters, and like, whoa, did she fucking write this? 0.98
01:57:39.000 Like... 0.99
01:57:39.000 It still doesn't mean that she killed him. 0.99
01:57:41.000 It could mean that crazy bitch wrote a suicide note for him to make herself look awesome that he loved her. 1.00
01:57:49.000 She's fucking crazy. 1.00
01:57:51.000 She's fucking crazy. 1.00
01:57:52.000 I know, but I don't think there's anybody that believes that she's not crazy. 1.00
01:57:56.000 Exactly.
01:57:56.000 I don't think there's a person that would go, no, no, no.
01:57:59.000 She's totally sane.
01:58:00.000 So she could be out of her mind. 0.99
01:58:02.000 She could be a liar. 0.97
01:58:03.000 She could be all those things and still not be guilty of murder. 0.87
01:58:05.000 There's nothing in that documentary that shows that she killed him.
01:58:09.000 There's nothing.
01:58:10.000 It's just that... 0.99
01:58:11.000 It just shows she's nuts, which everybody already knew. 0.97
01:58:14.000 Yeah, that's why I didn't like it. 0.60
01:58:15.000 Everyone made a big deal about it, and I just, like, the reenacting really took me completely out of the picture, but I've seen so many things.
01:58:23.000 Like, everyone knows she's batshit. 1.00
01:58:24.000 It wouldn't surprise me at all if she did that, but... 1.00
01:58:26.000 Yeah.
01:58:27.000 Well, the sheriff work...
01:58:29.000 I don't think she killed him, though. 0.97
01:58:29.000 The police work is so piss poor. 0.97
01:58:32.000 That was one of the most disturbing things about it.
01:58:34.000 When you find out, like, you know, also, what was it, like, 94 when he died or something like that?
01:58:38.000 Was it like 90-something?
01:58:39.000 Was it 94?
01:58:40.000 So we're talking pre-internet.
01:58:42.000 So the accountability was minimal.
01:58:44.000 Small town, you know, a small area.
01:58:47.000 And then it was the Seattle Police Department. 1.00
01:58:49.000 The sheriff was a fucking idiot. 1.00
01:58:51.000 Fucked up a bunch of other cases. 1.00
01:58:53.000 Eventually he was kicked out.
01:58:54.000 There was all sorts of bad police work going on on top of that.
01:58:58.000 The difference between the first responders' accounts of the murder scene versus his response.
01:59:03.000 The difference between the image of the...
01:59:06.000 You alright?
01:59:07.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:59:08.000 Fucking allergies. 1.00
01:59:10.000 I was just swallowing the water around. 1.00
01:59:11.000 The first responder said you could clearly tell who it is, and then, you know, their version of it, that his face was blown off.
01:59:18.000 Like, well, you got two different versions.
01:59:20.000 The fact that they cremated him six days later, the fact that they called it a suicide instantly before the autopsy was performed, that you're supposed to leave that to a forensic scientist to go over the evidence. 0.99
01:59:32.000 It's a clusterfuck. 0.98
01:59:33.000 But in that clusterfuck, people try to drop inclusions. 0.99
01:59:35.000 But don't you believe that he killed himself? 0.98
01:59:36.000 I don't believe anything.
01:59:37.000 I don't know.
01:59:38.000 I do not know.
01:59:39.000 The other thing is, I don't know.
01:59:40.000 I don't understand heroin.
01:59:42.000 So when they say that he had three times the lethal dose of heroin in his system, and that he wouldn't have been able to pull the trigger, I don't know if that's true.
01:59:49.000 I don't know if maybe he had an insane tolerance because he did a lot of heroin.
01:59:53.000 He could have.
01:59:53.000 Yeah.
01:59:54.000 Like, maybe it'd be three times for you and I, but not three times for him.
01:59:57.000 Yeah.
01:59:58.000 I don't know.
01:59:58.000 I don't know.
01:59:59.000 But it was creepy.
02:00:01.000 It was a creepy documentary. 0.99
02:00:03.000 I mean, that whole story, that whole scene was creepy as shit. 0.98
02:00:06.000 I mean, even like when, what's his face, Scott Weiland, you read that he passed away. 0.96
02:00:11.000 Yeah.
02:00:13.000 I mean, it's so terrible, but I felt like every single person was like, well, that was going to happen.
02:00:17.000 Scott Weiland, I met him.
02:00:19.000 He did Dana White's birthday party.
02:00:21.000 Dana White was president of the UFC. He performed, Stone Temple Pilots performed at his birthday party.
02:00:26.000 Oh, cool. 0.99
02:00:27.000 First of all, let me just say, they were fucking amazing. 0.97
02:00:30.000 I've seen them like three times, and every time they were awesome. 0.99
02:00:33.000 They performed in a ballroom for, I mean, maybe there was like 200 people there, and the people that were paying attention when they went on stage, it was like maybe 40. Like, we had to get people up towards the stage to pay attention.
02:00:46.000 That motherfucker rocked out like he was in front of 25,000 sold-out rabid fans. 0.99
02:00:52.000 I mean, he hit it hard. 1.00
02:00:54.000 I remember being humbled.
02:00:56.000 I remember seeing that and going, wow.
02:00:59.000 It made me want to do stand-up better.
02:01:01.000 It made me like, man, I want to go right. 0.96
02:01:03.000 I want to work on my performing, because that guy fucking nailed it. 0.72
02:01:07.000 Just gave everything, yeah. 0.98
02:01:08.000 But backstage, he was a nightmare!
02:01:11.000 He was a disaster.
02:01:13.000 Because my friends that had to deal with him, the friends that worked for the UFC, that had to, like, he demanded to go on, like, right now, or he was getting out of there. 0.99
02:01:22.000 He's going to fucking leave. 0.99
02:01:23.000 I want my fucking money. 1.00
02:01:24.000 I want to go on right now. 1.00
02:01:25.000 Like, he was just cracked out of his mind or heroin down or whatever the fuck he was doing. 0.99
02:01:30.000 He just, he was, like, barely there all the time and always on edge. 0.97
02:01:35.000 And, you know, you could blame it on his creative...
02:01:39.000 He put juices inside of him and made him such a genius performer, which is undeniable that he was a genius, performance-wise.
02:01:46.000 Performance-wise, yeah.
02:01:47.000 I mean, he put on a show every time I ever saw that band play.
02:01:51.000 He was amazing.
02:01:52.000 Yeah.
02:01:53.000 Did you read what the mother of his children said about him?
02:01:56.000 Like that Rolling Stone thing? 0.99
02:01:58.000 Because every time I would see him so fucked up and then he would go to be married to that. 0.99
02:02:02.000 And you have children with that guy. 1.00
02:02:04.000 Yeah.
02:02:04.000 And then he had new children with a new wife and then just sort of didn't talk to the old.
02:02:09.000 And of course, obviously, that's her story.
02:02:11.000 Sure. 0.98
02:02:12.000 Who knows how crazy she is? 1.00
02:02:13.000 Who knows what the reality of... 0.66
02:02:15.000 Right. 1.00
02:02:15.000 You could die and your ex-boyfriend could write a fucking crazy book about you and you'd be like, you know, all fiction. 1.00
02:02:21.000 Right. 1.00
02:02:21.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:02:21.000 We don't know, but this is sad. 1.00
02:02:23.000 That's a fucking crazy drug, that heroin. 1.00
02:02:26.000 Woo! 1.00
02:02:26.000 I would never in a million years touch that. 1.00
02:02:29.000 What if it made you, like, so good?
02:02:31.000 What if you got a little bit of heroin in you?
02:02:33.000 Microdose?
02:02:34.000 I'd be too afraid.
02:02:35.000 Microdose?
02:02:35.000 I would be the one that would die, like, the first time trying.
02:02:38.000 I would die the first time trying it.
02:02:39.000 I'm like, no, I got a lot to live for.
02:02:41.000 They find out it's a diverse reaction to Claritin.
02:02:45.000 Claritin D. Oh, you took the Claritin D, the 24-hour?
02:02:48.000 Yeah, no, you're gonna die. 1.00
02:02:49.000 Oh, you fucked up. 1.00
02:02:49.000 You fucked up, girl. 1.00
02:02:51.000 It seems to have an awesome effect on musicians, though. 1.00
02:02:55.000 Well, until they die.
02:02:57.000 They'll die, yeah.
02:02:57.000 Yeah, but up until the...
02:02:58.000 Up until age 27. Yeah.
02:03:00.000 After that, it seems to drop off radically.
02:03:02.000 This is like all the age 27 people, right?
02:03:03.000 It's always 27. Janis Joplin, Morrison, Hendrix.
02:03:08.000 Amy Winehouse.
02:03:08.000 Amy Winehouse.
02:03:10.000 Kurt Cobain.
02:03:11.000 Kurt Cobain.
02:03:12.000 Yeah.
02:03:13.000 It's all 27. It's so bizarre at 27 is the age that everybody just...
02:03:17.000 It's Illuminati.
02:03:19.000 It's like that five thing.
02:03:21.000 It is.
02:03:22.000 Is that what it is?
02:03:22.000 H.I.5.
02:03:23.000 H.I. to H.I.V. That's actually what I have.
02:03:26.000 That's why I'm sniffing out of H.I.V. It's the AIDS coming out of your nose.
02:03:29.000 It's my AIDS. I got a touch of AIDS. AIDS is acting up.
02:03:34.000 Yeah, but is there a drug that has a more unique relationship to music than heroin?
02:03:39.000 I don't think so.
02:03:40.000 The only comedian that I knew that was a heroin guy was Hedberg.
02:03:44.000 And Mitch Hedberg had a sort of almost like a jazzy sort of sense of humor.
02:03:50.000 Yeah.
02:03:50.000 Yeah.
02:03:52.000 It was like a weird...
02:03:53.000 Even his voice, like the way he spoke and everything, it was like he was like a cool cat.
02:03:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:03:59.000 He would do his act sometimes with his back to the crowd. 0.97
02:04:02.000 He would turn and kill. 0.99
02:04:04.000 He would be killing. 1.00
02:04:05.000 He wasn't even looking at everybody. 0.97
02:04:07.000 Well, there's something about that confidence, too, to do something that's just fucking outrageous, turn your back to the crowd, but... 1.00
02:04:13.000 Not give a shit. 0.99
02:04:14.000 You're not nervous. 0.99
02:04:15.000 Like, they would sniff you out if you were, like...
02:04:17.000 Yeah, if you were scared.
02:04:19.000 But it's like he had such control over everybody that he just could do it and everybody would laugh.
02:04:23.000 Well, he was a unique guy in that, for a long time, he had a real problem following certain acts.
02:04:31.000 Like, say if you get booked and, like...
02:04:34.000 The funny bone in Columbus, right?
02:04:36.000 If you get booked there, unless you're a big draw to the point where you say, hey, I'm bringing my opening acts with me, they would book local people.
02:04:44.000 And so they would have some guy, like I know a story where he went to this club, they had a local guy, a local guy before him is fucking literally doing handstands, he's singing and dancing, he has music he plays, he does a rap to close, he closes with a rap, the audience goes crazy, and then Hedberg goes up there with sunglasses on,
02:05:00.000 stands in front of the microphone, You know, and says, somebody asked me if I want a banana, frozen banana.
02:05:06.000 I said no, but I want a regular banana later, so yes. 0.99
02:05:11.000 That's funny, but not after some dude's doing flips and standing on his head and shooting rockets out of his dick. 1.00
02:05:18.000 He shot rockets out of his dick? 1.00
02:05:19.000 It's amazing. 1.00
02:05:20.000 Might be exaggerating.
02:05:22.000 So he would bomb.
02:05:24.000 He would have these horrible sets until he found his audience.
02:05:27.000 And then when people knew what to expect, like from Letterman appearances and what have you, then they knew what to expect.
02:05:33.000 They would go to see him, and then finally they started doing the opening acts correctly.
02:05:38.000 That guy had a really hard time, though, because of that.
02:05:40.000 It was so specific, like, the kind of comedy.
02:05:43.000 Like, you could probably go anywhere and you could check the crowd out and go...
02:05:47.000 Like, you could figure...
02:05:48.000 You know in your head when something's working what they like and what they don't like.
02:05:52.000 Well, it's, you know, even...
02:05:53.000 Depends.
02:05:55.000 If someone's there to see Gilbert Melendez...
02:05:59.000 No, not Gilbert Melendez.
02:06:00.000 He's a fighter.
02:06:01.000 That'd be cool.
02:06:02.000 What's his name?
02:06:04.000 Godfrey?
02:06:04.000 No.
02:06:05.000 No. 0.99
02:06:08.000 Goddammit. 1.00
02:06:09.000 Who the fuck am I thinking of? 1.00
02:06:11.000 Fluffy. 1.00
02:06:12.000 Oh.
02:06:12.000 Gabriel Iglesias.
02:06:13.000 Jesus Christ, Gilbert.
02:06:15.000 Gabriel, Gilbert.
02:06:17.000 Gabriel Iglesias is super family friendly, very squeaky clean, very funny, but very fluffy, laughy. 0.97
02:06:24.000 If I went on and told some dark shit after that, it's not my crowd. 0.97
02:06:31.000 It's the wrong crowd for me. 0.98
02:06:32.000 Or a group of old people that went to see, whatever, fill in the blank with a really, carrot tops, some squeaky It's a standing gig that's just...
02:06:42.000 You could get the wrong crowd, for sure.
02:06:44.000 You know, there's some crowds that just don't work for you, for your style of humor.
02:06:48.000 But, like, if you were going on a show and it's, like, you, Anthony Jeselnik, and Bill Burr, like, it wouldn't matter, right?
02:06:53.000 Like, that's, like, it's all...
02:06:54.000 Yeah, that's...
02:06:55.000 All got the same.
02:06:56.000 We've done that 20, 30 times at the comedy store.
02:06:59.000 That's totally normal.
02:07:00.000 I think I've actually seen that show.
02:07:01.000 It's probably in my head.
02:07:02.000 Well, the store, you'll have...
02:07:03.000 But, you know, someone might go on and...
02:07:06.000 Well, they're really good at the store, like, setting the lineup in a really sort of...
02:07:11.000 Homogenous way. 0.68
02:07:11.000 I did a horrible show there. 0.68
02:07:13.000 I rarely do the...
02:07:14.000 Some girl, I guess, was trying to put together a show and it was like... 0.89
02:07:17.000 Oh, bring a show?
02:07:19.000 I don't know what it was called.
02:07:20.000 Yeah, they'll do like week nights in the main room.
02:07:22.000 I did it once and I was like...
02:07:22.000 Is it a week night in the main room?
02:07:24.000 Yeah, it was like Monday night in the main room with a show that's never first time.
02:07:28.000 Ooh.
02:07:28.000 I mean, main room, eight people.
02:07:30.000 You know, it was just bad.
02:07:31.000 It was just absolutely bad.
02:07:33.000 Everything I said bombed.
02:07:34.000 Like, nothing.
02:07:35.000 And I was just going like...
02:07:37.000 How many more minutes is the red light?
02:07:40.000 Could you flick that at me? 0.95
02:07:41.000 I mean, it was just it was bad, but I didn't like this is not my crap like they had a show there the other day and I got there Excuse me. 0.98
02:07:49.000 I got there and the Waitresses are like dude go to the fucking main room see this fucking show in the main room I go what's going on? 0.98
02:07:56.000 They go a cult rented out the main room. 0.99
02:07:58.000 I go what are you serious?
02:08:01.000 So I went in there, and when I went in there, the show was just ending.
02:08:04.000 The comedy show was just ending.
02:08:06.000 So some comedian was on stage.
02:08:07.000 I don't know who the comedian was.
02:08:09.000 And it just wasn't going so well.
02:08:11.000 It was going okay, but it was just very, very strange.
02:08:14.000 And then after the show, they all huddled up around Mother...
02:08:18.000 Mother, this woman that they called Mother, who was the head of the cult.
02:08:22.000 And there's like 50 people around her.
02:08:24.000 They're all dressed to the nines, suits and ties, like the nicest dresses.
02:08:29.000 Like everybody's like dressed up like they're going to an award show, right?
02:08:32.000 And Mother sat around with her back to the stage where they're all facing her, like as if she was on stage.
02:08:38.000 I mean, she might as well have been on stage. 1.00
02:08:39.000 And she was talking like, you know, like really like... 0.97
02:08:42.000 Self-help nonsense sort of fucking cookie-cutter Scientology-style talking about, you know, our intention, what we put out into the world is what the world gives us back. 1.00
02:08:55.000 If you love yourself, the world loves you, like that kind of shit. 1.00
02:08:59.000 And they were all like cheering along with her and clapping with her. 1.00
02:09:02.000 It was so fucking strange. 0.97
02:09:05.000 It was so strange. 0.99
02:09:06.000 But they rented the room?
02:09:07.000 How did they even rent them the room?
02:09:08.000 I don't understand what happened.
02:09:10.000 I don't know what happened.
02:09:10.000 Because I got there late.
02:09:11.000 I got there as it was ending.
02:09:13.000 The last comic was on stage. 0.99
02:09:14.000 But Al Madrigal had been on earlier, and he was just fucking eating dick up there. 0.99
02:09:19.000 And he apparently goes, what the fuck kind of crowd is this? 0.99
02:09:22.000 He was saying it while he was up there. 0.99
02:09:24.000 Because he realized, he looked out, and he sees all these people with suits and ties and dresses. 0.74
02:09:29.000 And they're all fucking super lost.
02:09:32.000 I mean, really lost, strange people. 0.98
02:09:35.000 Wow.
02:09:36.000 I'll never forget her sitting there and them gathered around her talking to her, listening to her, hanging on every word she says.
02:09:43.000 Like a bird feeding its babies.
02:09:45.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:09:47.000 Spitting back.
02:09:48.000 They're all just waiting for it. 1.00
02:09:50.000 Hallmark card shit. 1.00
02:09:51.000 It was fucking strange. 1.00
02:09:54.000 Really strange. 1.00
02:09:54.000 That's pretty fucked up. 1.00
02:09:55.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:09:56.000 Well, that whole self-help thing, if you're so inclined, you can piece together, especially today.
02:10:03.000 We're not talking about Anthony Robbins' days of 1988, where nobody else was doing it.
02:10:10.000 You had to actually have some really concise thoughts about how to improve yourself.
02:10:15.000 At this point, they're repeating other people.
02:10:16.000 I mean, nobody's come up with something brand spanking new.
02:10:19.000 Exactly.
02:10:20.000 But all you have to do is sort of mine the internet for these things, repackage them, reshape them, and put on a seminar and have all these people together.
02:10:27.000 And there's people that are doing that right now.
02:10:28.000 And you have to have that voice and just that weird, odd look.
02:10:33.000 Yeah.
02:10:33.000 I watched that documentary, The Source Family.
02:10:35.000 Did you ever see that one?
02:10:36.000 No, I haven't, but Whitney Cummings was telling me I have to see it.
02:10:40.000 It's good.
02:10:41.000 Yeah, because I don't think anybody really heard of it because that guy didn't do a mass Jones... 0.51
02:10:46.000 Right. 0.94
02:10:47.000 He fucking got on a hang glider in Hawaii and said, Jesus wants me to fly out on this hang... 0.99
02:10:54.000 Yeah, he didn't make it. 0.99
02:10:57.000 Well, maybe that's how Jesus wanted him to come to him.
02:10:59.000 So I was like, oh, he didn't kill his people.
02:11:01.000 He just was like, nope, I'm getting vibes that I need to go on this hang glider on this cliff.
02:11:05.000 And... 0.99
02:11:06.000 That's a fucked up way to go. 0.99
02:11:08.000 Hang glider. 1.00
02:11:08.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:11:09.000 But actually he survived and then died like a few, you know, one or two days later or something like that, but ugh.
02:11:15.000 Less exciting. 0.99
02:11:16.000 But it was fucked up. 0.99
02:11:17.000 Better if he just went right to the light. 0.99
02:11:18.000 Yeah.
02:11:19.000 I'm sure maybe that's what he was hoping for, but... 0.73
02:11:21.000 Hang gliding seems like a fucking great time, but I'm not trying it. 0.83
02:11:26.000 Yeah, no. 0.95
02:11:27.000 I need to like a...
02:11:28.000 No, I couldn't do that.
02:11:30.000 Well, you have to depend on the wind.
02:11:31.000 Yeah, I don't like depending on things like that.
02:11:33.000 I'm not into depending on wind. 0.98
02:11:35.000 It seems like it does whatever the fuck it wants. 0.97
02:11:38.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:11:38.000 Doesn't want to listen. 0.99
02:11:39.000 It's weird.
02:11:40.000 Yeah, it's like...
02:11:41.000 When I tell it, no!
02:11:43.000 That would be like floating in the water on a boat, you know, sailing around on a boat, and all of a sudden the boat decides it doesn't want to be buoyant.
02:11:52.000 And that's kind of what you're dealing with, right?
02:11:54.000 You're floating in the air, depending upon these drafts of winds.
02:11:57.000 Whoops!
02:11:58.000 See that?
02:11:59.000 Look at that. 1.00
02:11:59.000 Fucking reflexes. 1.00
02:12:01.000 See that shit? 1.00
02:12:01.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:12:01.000 Like a cat. 1.00
02:12:02.000 Wow!
02:12:03.000 But if...
02:12:04.000 I mean, I think that can happen, right?
02:12:06.000 The wind just dies off and you're just falling around.
02:12:08.000 Sure.
02:12:09.000 It happens a bunch.
02:12:10.000 I grew up on the coast. 1.00
02:12:11.000 I mean, shit. 1.00
02:12:12.000 I wouldn't go fucking hang gliding. 1.00
02:12:15.000 Hell no. 0.99
02:12:16.000 But that guy did because he had a sign, told him I'm getting a sign and I need a hang glide. 0.71
02:12:23.000 Well, nothing's more nutty than those wingsuit dudes.
02:12:26.000 I had this dude Andy Stump in here who has the world record for wingsuit travel. 1.00
02:12:31.000 That shit's insane. 0.99
02:12:32.000 What was it? 1.00
02:12:34.000 I just watched something on it and this guy, I mean, they're nuts. 1.00
02:12:37.000 And they'll break like every fucking bone. 1.00
02:12:38.000 You gotta get back out there. 0.99
02:12:40.000 I'm gonna get back out.
02:12:41.000 Yeah, one guy, he hit like his foot on the edge of a rock and then just, he's going, you know, who knows how I'm fucking fast.
02:12:47.000 That's the one I did see.
02:12:48.000 Broke everything, yeah. 1.00
02:12:49.000 Broke all of his shit. 1.00
02:12:50.000 He lived. 1.00
02:12:51.000 Got right back on it.
02:12:53.000 That's how awesome wingsuit flying is.
02:12:55.000 Break everything. 1.00
02:12:56.000 You have to be fucked up. 1.00
02:12:58.000 You have to have some things. 1.00
02:12:59.000 You're wired differently.
02:13:01.000 Because that's not...
02:13:03.000 We have to be wired differently to try it in the first place, right?
02:13:05.000 Yeah.
02:13:06.000 I mean, who would go, like a flying squirrel suit?
02:13:10.000 You know, this should work out.
02:13:12.000 Dude, it must be so fun, though.
02:13:14.000 I imagine it is fun, but...
02:13:17.000 Boy, I mean...
02:13:18.000 Have you ever done a hoverboard?
02:13:19.000 You know those little rollerboard things, like a Segway, but it doesn't have a handle?
02:13:23.000 You know those things that you see the kids do?
02:13:25.000 Yeah.
02:13:25.000 Have you ridden one of those?
02:13:26.000 Yeah, I have.
02:13:27.000 They're fun, right?
02:13:28.000 They are fun, but those kids, it's just like, do teenagers need to be on wheels like that?
02:13:32.000 My little kids have them. 0.99
02:13:33.000 I know, but you know when you see those lazy fucking kids in the mall just walking and then now they're just... 0.99
02:13:38.000 It's so... 0.99
02:13:39.000 Don't you feel that's one of those things where the technology comes along before they have rules?
02:13:44.000 Like, remember when people used to be able to smoke those e-cigarettes on planes?
02:13:48.000 Yeah.
02:13:48.000 They'd just be puffing on those blue e-cigarettes.
02:13:50.000 Like, who's that fucking goofy guy that was doing those actors? 0.99
02:13:53.000 Stephen Dorff. 0.99
02:13:54.000 Yes.
02:13:54.000 Yes.
02:13:56.000 When I saw one of those ads...
02:13:58.000 The douchiest ads. 0.99
02:13:58.000 Yeah, I see him fucking hawking these things, and I was like... 0.99
02:14:01.000 Take back your freedom, guys! 0.96
02:14:02.000 I'm like, dude, I haven't seen you in a movie in 1999. Like, this is what you're doing?
02:14:07.000 Like, what...
02:14:07.000 Well, you had to.
02:14:08.000 But I love that he was still like, yeah, it's me, Stevendorf.
02:14:12.000 Take back your freedom, guys.
02:14:14.000 Come on, guys.
02:14:15.000 Take back your freedom.
02:14:16.000 There it is, look.
02:14:17.000 Come on, guys.
02:14:19.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:14:21.000 There's just something so non-rebel about sucking on a little robot dick. 1.00
02:14:24.000 We'll get him up there just... 1.00
02:14:25.000 Yeah. 0.95
02:14:26.000 It looks like they're sucking on a home pregnancy test or something.
02:14:28.000 By the way, those things are great before you go on stage.
02:14:31.000 They look like tobacco, or nicotine rather, is a stimulant.
02:14:35.000 And it is actually a good stimulant to take before you go on stage.
02:14:40.000 Really?
02:14:41.000 Yeah.
02:14:41.000 Fires up your brain.
02:14:43.000 Joey Diaz told me about it.
02:14:44.000 So it gets me fired up right before I go on stage.
02:14:46.000 I've seen the other vape pens that have like the...
02:14:47.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:14:48.000 All those big, giant fucking, like, you're holding onto a lunchbox. 1.00
02:14:51.000 No, no, no. 0.99
02:14:51.000 The ones that have like the marijuana oils in them. 0.99
02:14:54.000 Oh, I have those right here.
02:14:55.000 You want to try those?
02:14:56.000 What kind do you have?
02:14:57.000 I have all of them.
02:14:58.000 You name it.
02:14:59.000 I have...
02:14:59.000 Do you have the G-Pin?
02:15:01.000 I got one of those.
02:15:01.000 I have a friend that does...
02:15:03.000 A friend.
02:15:04.000 A friend of mine that does...
02:15:06.000 Marketing?
02:15:06.000 Yeah.
02:15:07.000 He helps endorse them. 0.99
02:15:08.000 We have like a fucking stack of them back there, right? 0.99
02:15:10.000 Those G-Pens. 1.00
02:15:11.000 My friend Bun B from UGK. Oh, shit. 1.00
02:15:13.000 Yep. 1.00
02:15:14.000 The best ones are the ones that have the oil.
02:15:17.000 That's the one I have.
02:15:18.000 Yeah, that you screw the top on.
02:15:19.000 That's what I have.
02:15:19.000 You plug them in the USB plug.
02:15:21.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:15:22.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:15:24.000 I'll call my doctor, who's my friend who has them. 1.00
02:15:27.000 I got my prescription from a doctor as well.
02:15:30.000 No, I don't even have one, but my friend has one, so I was like, hey, if you're up, if you're gonna go get me some.
02:15:35.000 Well, since this is broadcast nationally, you do have one, right?
02:15:38.000 You do have a prescription.
02:15:40.000 You're not taking marijuana illegally, right?
02:15:42.000 I'm totally teasing.
02:15:43.000 I don't even have one.
02:15:45.000 You don't even have to have one?
02:15:46.000 No, I don't even have a vape pen.
02:15:47.000 I was just teasing.
02:15:47.000 Oh, you're kidding.
02:15:48.000 This is fiction.
02:15:49.000 It was a joke.
02:15:50.000 It was one of my friends has it. 1.00
02:15:51.000 Do you fuck with edibles? 1.00
02:15:52.000 I was trying to sound cool. 1.00
02:15:55.000 Be one of the cool kids?
02:15:56.000 Yeah, I was trying to be one of the cool kids.
02:15:57.000 Do you mess with edibles?
02:16:00.000 She's nodding.
02:16:01.000 I have.
02:16:02.000 In my previous life.
02:16:04.000 Have you had any bad experiences?
02:16:05.000 Yeah.
02:16:06.000 Everybody has.
02:16:07.000 Everybody's had.
02:16:08.000 Because you don't know how much.
02:16:10.000 And it wasn't edibles.
02:16:11.000 It was always the brownies that everybody started with. 0.93
02:16:14.000 And I was in college.
02:16:14.000 And I remember, like, it was a costume party.
02:16:17.000 It was around Halloween.
02:16:18.000 So everyone's at the bar in costume.
02:16:21.000 And I couldn't find my sister and roommate because my sister and I went to the same college.
02:16:27.000 I was walking in circles because they were dressed like other people.
02:16:30.000 And I was like... 1.00
02:16:34.000 What a fucking nightmare scenario. 0.99
02:16:36.000 And then finally they came up to me. 1.00
02:16:38.000 They're like, you walk past us like 30 times and you look all freaked out. 0.54
02:16:42.000 And it doesn't help I have big eyes too, so I'm like just all fucking panicky and jumpy. 0.99
02:16:47.000 Oh god, it scared the shit. 0.98
02:16:48.000 I just went back to my apartment late. 0.99
02:16:50.000 I was like, just make it stop.
02:16:51.000 Make it stop.
02:16:53.000 Yeah, I was a judge of the cannabis cup once.
02:16:58.000 I don't even know what that is.
02:17:00.000 The cannabis cup is this thing where they judge weed and they decide what's the best.
02:17:04.000 Is it like one of those beer?
02:17:06.000 It's way worse.
02:17:07.000 Here's the thing.
02:17:08.000 You don't have any idea which one is hitting you better or not.
02:17:12.000 You don't know.
02:17:16.000 Like old people have like those Monday through Sunday pill things. 1.00
02:17:20.000 And each one, you know, you pop them open and you take it.
02:17:23.000 It was that.
02:17:24.000 It would give you one of those.
02:17:25.000 I had it like with a dried weed in it for like the long, just sitting.
02:17:29.000 I'm like, I'm going to save this and put it away.
02:17:31.000 This is a nostalgia for the highest I've ever been in my life.
02:17:34.000 Right.
02:17:34.000 So I get there.
02:17:36.000 They give everybody that's a judge, they ask me to be a judge, they give everybody who's a judge one of these little boxes with all these different strains in it.
02:17:42.000 And each one has a name, and you know, blah, blah, blah.
02:17:44.000 And all the names are fun, too.
02:17:46.000 You're supposed to start smoking it.
02:17:46.000 Yeah.
02:17:47.000 So you start smoking it.
02:17:48.000 But you don't know what's getting you high and what's not. 1.00
02:17:50.000 You're high as fuck! 1.00
02:17:52.000 First of all, we went into this place that they did it. 1.00
02:17:54.000 It was this place on Melrose.
02:17:56.000 It was like a head shop.
02:17:57.000 In the back of the head shop, they had this big, giant room where all these people were in.
02:18:01.000 And I remember just being just completely blitzed out of my mind by the time I got to Tuesday.
02:18:08.000 You know?
02:18:09.000 I'm supposed to go Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. 0.99
02:18:12.000 I am fucked up, man. 0.99
02:18:14.000 And people are handing me cookies and I'm just eating them. 1.00
02:18:17.000 They're handing me candies.
02:18:18.000 I'm just eating them.
02:18:19.000 People are handing me bags, like those volcano bags. 1.00
02:18:22.000 I'm fucking sucking on a volcano bag. 1.00
02:18:23.000 I just went as deep as I've ever gone in my life. 1.00
02:18:27.000 How many days before you came to?
02:18:29.000 I was legitimately high for 24 hours.
02:18:32.000 Like I'm not, like legitimately.
02:18:34.000 Could you do anything?
02:18:36.000 No, no, no.
02:18:36.000 Were you just sitting?
02:18:37.000 I just, I laid down after it was over.
02:18:40.000 I remember thinking, I can't even, I can't even form sentences.
02:18:44.000 I didn't know what I was doing.
02:18:46.000 I didn't know.
02:18:47.000 This is how high I got.
02:18:48.000 I got so high that people stopped Totally normal.
02:19:11.000 Sure.
02:19:14.000 That's like the impression that I got from looking at them.
02:19:17.000 There was like a two-dimensional outside, and then I could occasionally see glimpses of their real self, like peeking around the corner, looking at me, and then hiding behind their persona.
02:19:25.000 Were you just afraid the whole time?
02:19:26.000 I was terrified.
02:19:27.000 Yeah, I was untethered.
02:19:30.000 Untethered from reality, from life.
02:19:32.000 I was...
02:19:34.000 I was gone, and I remember having this weird conversation with...
02:19:37.000 Here's the thing about these marijuana people, especially marijuana...
02:19:40.000 We're talking like...
02:19:42.000 I think I was a judge in 2003 or something like that.
02:19:45.000 2002 or three.
02:19:46.000 It's still in your system from then.
02:19:48.000 Probably.
02:19:48.000 Probably still test positive.
02:19:50.000 But the people that were, like, into it, that were really, like, involved in the quote-unquote cannabis community, it was a small sort of tight-knit group that were producing it, selling it, and growing it, and they would gather together.
02:20:02.000 So they would use these things as an excuse to kind of get together with everybody.
02:20:06.000 And I got in this conversation with this guy who was banking on the cannabis community taking care of him when he was old.
02:20:14.000 And that's what he was, like, concentrating on.
02:20:16.000 Like...
02:20:16.000 I was so high, I just had to listen.
02:20:18.000 I couldn't even talk.
02:20:21.000 And he was saying, well, the amazing thing is, the cannabis community, they're going to have me.
02:20:26.000 They're going to take care of me.
02:20:27.000 The cannabis community would be there for you.
02:20:29.000 He has a 401k with them or something?
02:20:31.000 Well, you know, he thought the cannabis community was like this small, tight-knit thing, and now it's a swarm of humanity.
02:20:37.000 Right.
02:20:37.000 Like, there's no cannabis community, homie.
02:20:39.000 It's called life.
02:20:40.000 Yeah, it's people.
02:20:41.000 Yeah, it's just humans.
02:20:42.000 Right.
02:20:42.000 But to him, it was like, you know, like local growers or whatever it was, like this local organic community.
02:20:50.000 Poor guy.
02:20:50.000 It was such a strange conversation.
02:20:52.000 Like, that was his angle.
02:20:53.000 It was almost like he was, like, really into pot because it had given him an identity within this community.
02:20:58.000 So he was expressing that to me in this very strange way.
02:21:02.000 And I was trying to, like, wrap my head around, like, what he thought was going to happen.
02:21:07.000 You know, but he kept saying that, you know, the cannabis community is always going to take care of me, the cannabis community.
02:21:11.000 I'm like, guess what, dude? 1.00
02:21:12.000 The cannabis community is just fucking people. 1.00
02:21:14.000 Right. 1.00
02:21:14.000 People are just going to take care of you? 1.00
02:21:16.000 You're just another stoner, dude. 1.00
02:21:17.000 Like, hello. 0.98
02:21:20.000 Hello.
02:21:22.000 One of my roommates in college one time just ate a shit ton of pot brownies and she wanted to go to Wendy's for food, of course. 1.00
02:21:29.000 And she's like, would you take me to Wendy's?
02:21:30.000 I was like, sure.
02:21:32.000 Get in my car.
02:21:34.000 And as soon as I go through the drive-thru, welcome to Wendy's, can I take your order?
02:21:37.000 She goes, drive. 0.99
02:21:38.000 Just get out of here. 0.96
02:21:39.000 Just go.
02:21:39.000 Go.
02:21:39.000 Get out of here.
02:21:42.000 That's when it really hit her, that panicky part.
02:21:45.000 And that person saying, welcome to Wendy's. 1.00
02:21:47.000 She lost her shit. 1.00
02:21:48.000 If I don't drive, she's going to jump out of my car. 1.00
02:21:50.000 She was really like...
02:21:52.000 Freaked out.
02:21:52.000 Oh, that's so funny.
02:21:54.000 Just go! 0.61
02:21:55.000 Just drive.
02:21:56.000 Oh my god, just drive.
02:21:59.000 I was like, yeah, no, that's not good. 1.00
02:22:02.000 Yeah, eating pot can really fuck with you in a way that nothing else can. 0.99
02:22:07.000 Yeah, and it won't go away. 0.99
02:22:09.000 There's nothing you can take or do.
02:22:11.000 You have to wait it out.
02:22:12.000 Well, one thing that helps a little bit is coffee.
02:22:15.000 Coffee does help a little bit.
02:22:17.000 But I mean, if you're so whacked out, you're just like, I just want to sit in a chair and ride this out.
02:22:25.000 I've talked about this so many times before, people are going to get annoyed, but do you know what happens when you eat it?
02:22:29.000 That there's a different biological process as opposed to smoking it?
02:22:32.000 When you smoke it, your body's reacting to THC, which is the active compound when you smoke it.
02:22:37.000 But when you eat it, it's processed by your liver and it produces something called 11-hydroxy metabolite that's five times more psychoactive than THC. It's insanely powerful, and it's a much more psychedelic drug.
02:22:50.000 Like, you'll have hallucinations, especially if you close your eyes.
02:22:54.000 You can have some really, really intense visualizations.
02:22:58.000 That freaks me out too much.
02:22:59.000 The moment I close my eyes, I'm like, I don't like this.
02:23:02.000 I don't like it.
02:23:03.000 Make it stop.
02:23:03.000 Well, I was on both when I was at the Cannabis Cup.
02:23:06.000 That was what was so fucked up. 0.98
02:23:07.000 Because I had been high from smoking it, high from eating it. 0.99
02:23:11.000 Yeah, I mean, that's horrible.
02:23:13.000 Throwing it up was great if it's alcohol.
02:23:16.000 If you throw up and you drink alcohol, it gets out of your system and it helps you sober up quicker.
02:23:22.000 I used to, like if I was... 1.00
02:23:25.000 We all do it stupid. 0.99
02:23:26.000 We don't know what we can take when we're in college. 1.00
02:23:29.000 I would drink until I was just hammered, and then I would, oh yeah, I'll smoke that, and then I always would puke.
02:23:35.000 That would be the only time I would ever puke was when I did that, and I'm like, yeah, I need to learn.
02:23:40.000 Well, it's also because when you smoke, you become hyper-aware, and your body is aware of the poison inside you in the form of alcohol, and your body's like, what did you do?
02:23:48.000 Get it out! 0.59
02:23:49.000 Get it out! 0.59
02:23:52.000 I took a pot.
02:23:54.000 This guy made THC pills.
02:23:57.000 It was this friend of mine.
02:23:59.000 He figured out how to make pills.
02:24:01.000 I don't know how he did it, but he made them in these capsules.
02:24:07.000 There's something that has to be fat-soluble.
02:24:09.000 When you cook it, a lot of times when they cook it, they use butter and they melt the marijuana into the butter to make it fat-soluble.
02:24:18.000 I don't understand the process, but he figured out how to do it and put it into capsule forms.
02:24:22.000 So he told us, he was like, how much should I take?
02:24:25.000 And he goes, just take one pill, because there are little packages of two pills that he gave us.
02:24:28.000 He goes, just take one. 0.99
02:24:29.000 And my friend Eddie Bravo was like, fuck that guy, I'm taking two. 1.00
02:24:33.000 So he took two. 1.00
02:24:33.000 I listened. 1.00
02:24:34.000 I took one. 0.99
02:24:35.000 And I was fucking blitzkrieged. 0.96
02:24:39.000 And I wound up talking to this guy, and it was at a jiu-jitsu tournament, and this guy was one of the competitors, and I remember thinking, like, wow, this guy's, his vibe is so crazy. 0.90
02:24:50.000 Like, he's giving me, like, when you're really high, I mean, maybe it was just because I'm that high, but he hit this, like, insanely dangerous vibe about him. 0.97
02:24:57.000 Turns out he was a rapist. 0.98
02:24:59.000 Turned into a rapist and was on the run. 1.00
02:25:03.000 And went on the run. 0.98
02:25:05.000 So he went to a jiu-jitsu tournament?
02:25:07.000 No, no, no.
02:25:08.000 He was the jiu-jitsu rapist? 1.00
02:25:10.000 He had done some other shit, too. 1.00
02:25:11.000 One of the things he had done, he had choked a guy to death. 0.99
02:25:14.000 And then they revived him.
02:25:16.000 He got in a street fight on a traffic incident.
02:25:20.000 Was it one of those mayhem or whatever those crazies?
02:25:22.000 No, no.
02:25:23.000 I forget his name.
02:25:24.000 I forget his name.
02:25:26.000 War machine.
02:25:27.000 No, that guy was another one. 0.98
02:25:28.000 He was on my podcast, actually, just a couple months before he did that with the girl that he beat the fuck out of. 0.95
02:25:33.000 She was here. 0.62
02:25:34.000 Oh.
02:25:34.000 God, that's the worst sounding story I've ever...
02:25:36.000 I saw the whole thing on Real Sports.
02:25:38.000 They did a deal on Real Sports on HBO. With her, yeah.
02:25:41.000 Yeah.
02:25:42.000 It was terrible.
02:25:43.000 Jesus, man.
02:25:43.000 Yeah, that was terrible.
02:25:45.000 That whole thing was a combination of everything.
02:25:48.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:25:49.000 All the abuse that he suffered in his life, steroids, his fucking brain damage that he unquestionably has. 1.00
02:25:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:25:56.000 So many of them have brain damage. 1.00
02:25:58.000 There's so many fighters. 1.00
02:25:59.000 They have that same shit, the football players. 1.00
02:26:02.000 Yeah, they snap. 1.00
02:26:03.000 But is it that same?
02:26:05.000 Yeah, chronic encephalism.
02:26:06.000 Yeah.
02:26:07.000 Well, CTE. It's just any form of head trauma over repeated periods of time is going to cause issues.
02:26:13.000 But they keep talking about football players and, like, you can't tell me that, like, NASCAR drivers don't have that shit. 0.99
02:26:18.000 They wreck and have concussions all the time. 0.99
02:26:21.000 I don't think they wreck that much, though.
02:26:23.000 They also have those...
02:26:24.000 They get concussions, but it just takes a little, like once you've had one concussion, it's easier to get another.
02:26:29.000 A lot of those drivers have had multiple concussions.
02:26:32.000 That's interesting.
02:26:33.000 I never really thought about that.
02:26:34.000 I would think about different people having...
02:26:36.000 Like hockey.
02:26:37.000 Yeah, sure.
02:26:38.000 They're certainly...
02:26:38.000 But it always seems to go to just football, but you're like, no.
02:26:41.000 I mean, I know plenty.
02:26:42.000 I like car racing, but a lot of the open-wheel...
02:26:46.000 You know, even if they have just barely a wreck, but it's still their head, you know, they have all the head and neck restraints on, but you hit the side of a wall.
02:26:55.000 Your brain's squashing around.
02:26:56.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:26:57.000 It's not tethered down.
02:26:57.000 And you've already had three concussions maybe in the past, so it ain't good.
02:27:01.000 With all the connective tissue, the connective tissue that holds your brain inside your skull, that stuff tears, and when it tears, it doesn't come back.
02:27:08.000 Yeah.
02:27:09.000 Yeah.
02:27:10.000 It's not resilient.
02:27:11.000 It's like it's done.
02:27:12.000 It's torn.
02:27:12.000 That's it.
02:27:14.000 I didn't know like what that stuff was like like what is a connective tissue like until I butchered a moose once and yeah this guy right here and when we're lifting up the leg and cutting the connective tissue it's like almost like this like candy like like what's that stuff called cotton candy fibers looking stuff that it's like it's so soft It just cuts right through.
02:27:37.000 I'm like, this is similar to the stuff that holds your brain in your head, and you can imagine over repeated traumatic impacts over and over again.
02:27:46.000 That stuff would just start tearing and breaking loose. 1.00
02:27:48.000 And then once it's torn, you're fucked. 1.00
02:27:51.000 Your head's just rattling around. 1.00
02:27:53.000 Yeah.
02:27:54.000 Scary.
02:27:54.000 Well, I have a friend of mine, a good friend of mine, who's an expert in traumatic brain injuries.
02:27:58.000 He's a doctor.
02:27:59.000 And he treats a lot of soldiers, football players, the like.
02:28:02.000 And he said that you can get a concussion, a severe concussion, from getting hit in the chest.
02:28:07.000 Like a lot of football players, they didn't even get head impact.
02:28:09.000 They get hit in the chest.
02:28:11.000 But the...
02:28:12.000 Getting hit in the chest.
02:28:14.000 Snaps your head back, and your brain rattles around inside your head, and it gives you a massive concussion. 0.99
02:28:20.000 And the ignorant people that didn't know any better, ignorant as far as they didn't have the information, they would say, oh, I didn't even get hit in the head, he's fine. 0.99
02:28:28.000 But no, just getting hit in the chest. 1.00
02:28:31.000 If someone kicks you in the chest, you can get a concussion.
02:28:33.000 Yeah.
02:28:34.000 I hope nobody ever kicks me in the chest, though. 0.98
02:28:36.000 I hope nobody kicks you in the chest, too. 1.00
02:28:37.000 It would suck. 0.99
02:28:39.000 I would not be a fan of that. 0.99
02:28:40.000 That would suck. 1.00
02:28:41.000 But if they did, your brain gets fucked up. 1.00
02:28:45.000 Have you ever had a concussion? 0.99
02:28:46.000 Oh yeah, I'm sure.
02:28:47.000 You're sure, but you don't know for a fact that you had a kickbox?
02:28:50.000 Well, yeah, but that's what I'm saying.
02:28:52.000 Did you ever have where you were at the hospital and they said you have a concussion?
02:28:55.000 No, no, no, but I definitely had headaches and get punched in the head a bunch of times.
02:29:00.000 I've been hit in the head a gang at times.
02:29:04.000 Here's the thing about concussions and traumatic brain injury.
02:29:07.000 People think that it's just a concussion.
02:29:10.000 You are concussed and define concussion.
02:29:14.000 Oh, your pupils are dilated, you get hit in the head.
02:29:16.000 No, like small impacts, repeated sub-concussive impacts sometimes have the most devastating effect.
02:29:23.000 Like soccer players oftentimes develop the same sort of symptoms from heading a ball.
02:29:28.000 Just a ball.
02:29:29.000 Just bouncing a ball over your head.
02:29:30.000 No concussion.
02:29:31.000 I would have...
02:29:32.000 I've never had a concussion, but I assume that I've done damage from surfing or wakeboarding.
02:29:38.000 Oh, yeah.
02:29:39.000 Wiping out?
02:29:39.000 Yeah.
02:29:40.000 A lot of wipeouts.
02:29:41.000 It would take you a minute.
02:29:44.000 You really wipe out, and you're just laying there like...
02:29:48.000 Take a deep breath, like, okay, I'm going to sit the next few.
02:29:51.000 Well, this guy, Dr. Mark Gordon, was saying that you can get it from wakeboarding, or, not sorry, jet skiing.
02:29:57.000 Yeah.
02:29:57.000 Just hitting weight.
02:29:59.000 Because it's jarring.
02:30:00.000 Exactly.
02:30:00.000 Yeah, it really, like, when you hit, if you're, you know, every time I'd be out on the boat or something, and you go into a wave, and that kind of, like, boom.
02:30:08.000 Yeah, it's, you do it enough. 0.99
02:30:10.000 Fuck, you get off the boat, and you're just, like, kind of, you can feel a little rattled, yeah. 1.00
02:30:14.000 Exactly, yeah. 1.00
02:30:15.000 That shit's bad for you. 1.00
02:30:16.000 No, not good. 1.00
02:30:17.000 Not good.
02:30:18.000 Not good.
02:30:18.000 I would imagine ski jumping.
02:30:22.000 Oh, yeah, like all those fucking downhill skiers, like the ones in the Olympics and shit. 1.00
02:30:27.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
02:30:27.000 Fuck, they wipe the fuck out. 1.00
02:30:29.000 Oh, they fucking wipe out. 1.00
02:30:30.000 Those snowboarder dudes do. 1.00
02:30:33.000 Oh, they wipe out hard. 0.99
02:30:34.000 My friend got knocked out recently fucking snowboarding. 0.98
02:30:37.000 He did something, woke up on his back. 0.99
02:30:39.000 Oh, really? 0.99
02:30:40.000 He has no idea what the fuck he did. 0.99
02:30:43.000 Just woke up. 1.00
02:30:44.000 He was fucked up for a while. 0.98
02:30:46.000 And this is like his second or third time going out like that, too. 0.99
02:30:49.000 Like falling snowboard.
02:30:50.000 He loves snowboarding, though.
02:30:52.000 But Jesus, like, at some point, I go, like, I like walking and breathing and living on my own.
02:30:57.000 I like remembering where I live.
02:30:58.000 Right.
02:31:00.000 And not having somebody, like, you know, take me to the bathroom.
02:31:04.000 Well, for football players, you've seen those, if you've seen the Real Sports episode on NFL players from the 70s and 80s that are just jacked.
02:31:13.000 Well, the one I saw that was a PBS Frontline that was about those, the concussions and everything, and it was, I mean, the guys just, they're not the same person. 0.99
02:31:23.000 They're just fucked. 0.67
02:31:24.000 I mean, they've just done a number on their bodies, and you don't bounce back after so many times. 1.00
02:31:30.000 No.
02:31:30.000 Well, I'm just hoping that one day they're going to figure out how to inject stem cells into your brain or something like that to reinvigorate it.
02:31:36.000 But as of right now, they really can't do much.
02:31:40.000 Are you a football fan?
02:31:41.000 Not really, no.
02:31:42.000 But like growing up, okay, so, you know, you'd see a big hit. 0.83
02:31:45.000 It would make this, you know, wide world of sports reel or some shit like that.
02:31:49.000 And you're like, oh, you want to watch it again? 0.95
02:31:51.000 It's just insane. 0.99
02:31:51.000 And everyone's like, yeah, and they're fucking... 0.99
02:31:53.000 And now I see it and I'm like... 0.99
02:31:56.000 Yeah, that guy that just shaved about ten years off of his life, you know, and he's probably lost however many, you know, lost whatever function of his brain that they say is like your emotions and your decision-making and that's why a lot of those guys will like shoot their girlfriend, kill themselves. 0.68
02:32:12.000 Yeah.
02:32:12.000 Are we gonna show one, Jamie?
02:32:13.000 Oh my god, is this recent, Jamie?
02:32:21.000 Yeah, this was two weeks ago.
02:32:23.000 You can tell the knockout when the hands stay up.
02:32:25.000 Oh, yeah.
02:32:26.000 Believe me, I know.
02:32:28.000 I've probably seen more people get knocked unconscious in real life than...
02:32:33.000 I would really, without...
02:32:39.000 Any reservation say that I've seen more people get knocked out than 00.111% of the population.
02:32:48.000 The smallest group of people, there's maybe 100 or 200 people on the planet that have seen more people get knocked out than me.
02:32:58.000 Maybe.
02:32:59.000 I've seen people get knocked out, not to that extent, but because of my sports producer.
02:33:05.000 I used to have to actually go to all the games, so I'd be on the sideline.
02:33:10.000 So I saw it right there up close, and it is...
02:33:13.000 I mean, you just see it coming.
02:33:14.000 You can see the guy coming.
02:33:16.000 You can see his head turn the other way, has no idea what's... 1.00
02:33:19.000 And then the moment he just lays down those arms, they just stay up, and you're like, fuck. 0.98
02:33:24.000 Well, because of doing commentary for the UFC, I mean, literally, I've seen more knockouts, way more than 99% of the population. 0.99
02:33:32.000 It's probably like 99.9999.
02:33:35.000 There might be 20 people on Earth that have seen more people get knocked out than me.
02:33:40.000 It might really be that low.
02:33:41.000 Yeah, because how long have you been doing that?
02:33:43.000 I started doing the commentary from 97, and I started it again.
02:33:49.000 I did it from 97 to 98, and then I quit, and then came back in 2002 with a new company.
02:33:53.000 And I've been doing it for the last 14 years.
02:33:56.000 Yeah, you've seen a lot of them.
02:33:57.000 But I also was fighting from the time I was 15. So I was 15 to 22 was all kickboxing and martial arts.
02:34:05.000 So I saw a lot of people get knocked out in person there. 0.99
02:34:08.000 And then I saw just fucking... 0.98
02:34:10.000 I've called like... 0.98
02:34:12.000 I don't know, man.
02:34:13.000 It's way more than 1,000 fights.
02:34:15.000 It's probably close to 2,000 fights.
02:34:17.000 So I've probably seen 500 or 600 people just get shut off.
02:34:24.000 Just blam over the course of my life.
02:34:27.000 Just bong, crang, stiff arms, legs twitching, toes curled. 0.53
02:34:32.000 I've seen that way more than 100 times.
02:34:34.000 200, 300 times.
02:34:37.000 Yeah, it's madness when you really stop and think about it.
02:34:39.000 Yeah.
02:34:40.000 I mean, it's weird that, like, going from something I would watch and be like, oh, you know, watch it again, to, like, now I'm just going, jeez, you know?
02:34:49.000 Me too.
02:34:50.000 It's sad we're getting old.
02:34:51.000 We're not fun anymore.
02:34:52.000 Well, it's just becoming more and more aware.
02:34:54.000 And plus, like, this new Will Smith movie, Concussions, coming out, where people are starting to...
02:35:00.000 Have you seen that?
02:35:01.000 No, I haven't.
02:35:02.000 Is it out already?
02:35:02.000 Yeah, it came out over Christmas, I think.
02:35:04.000 But it didn't do, I don't think, what...
02:35:07.000 It should've?
02:35:08.000 Yeah, I read something that there was like this long thing of discrepancies, like they chose to leave out, because it's supposed to be a true story, you know, and they omitted very important facts.
02:35:19.000 Oh, like what?
02:35:20.000 Because of the NFL, of how they treated, you know, like there were certain things that I don't know who got behind what and like who kind of maybe strong-armed them into like doing what.
02:35:34.000 Right.
02:35:34.000 Or maybe try to avoid lawsuits, too.
02:35:37.000 Something like that.
02:35:37.000 But, I mean, I used to think when I would hear people, like, I mean, I grew up in Texas, too, so, you know, football was such a big thing and how there would be people that would say, like, oh, I'm not letting my son play football.
02:35:48.000 And you're like, ah, pussy. 1.00
02:35:51.000 I get it now. 1.00
02:35:52.000 Like, I don't have kids, but I get it. 1.00
02:35:54.000 Like, you see the results and these people are just fucked. 1.00
02:35:57.000 I get it. 1.00
02:35:58.000 Yeah.
02:35:59.000 Well...
02:36:01.000 Boy, if my kids wanted to fight, I would be very conservative about it.
02:36:05.000 I'd have to really try to get it into the head to understand defense before anything.
02:36:11.000 That's the most important thing to practice, is learning how to avoid being hit and how to...
02:36:15.000 Yeah.
02:36:16.000 I mean, I took, like, I took karate as a kid and everything, but, you know, my dad was like, you never start a fight.
02:36:22.000 He's like, if somebody ever tried to hurt you, he's like, Jimmy, I just punched him right in the nose and keep doing it until, like, but defend yourself.
02:36:29.000 Don't, you know, don't dance around him and talk shit, you know, just, and I was like, okay. 0.94
02:36:35.000 Well, avoiding fights is always a smart move. 0.97
02:36:37.000 I don't want to get in a fight, though.
02:36:39.000 Don't hit me.
02:36:40.000 I'd be so upset if I'd hit me in the face. 1.00
02:36:42.000 Why'd you do that, fool? 1.00
02:36:43.000 Well, just if you didn't avoid it and you got hurt, like badly hurt, and something you could have avoided, you'd feel so stupid. 1.00
02:36:50.000 It would haunt you forever. 1.00
02:36:51.000 Yeah, that you're the one that started it and then, you know, you get the shit kicked out of you. 0.99
02:36:55.000 Cooler heads prevail is always like a good thing to focus on. 0.99
02:36:59.000 Yeah, I just...
02:36:59.000 It's just...
02:37:00.000 It's sad. 0.92
02:37:01.000 Well, it's almost always, whatever the fuck it is that people fight over, it's almost always can be worked out most of the time. 0.91
02:37:08.000 Well, usually it's that people just want to fight. 0.97
02:37:09.000 Yeah, where they're drunk.
02:37:12.000 The difference between alcohol and pot.
02:37:14.000 Nobody ever fought at the Cannabis Cup. 1.00
02:37:17.000 Those fucking people. 1.00
02:37:18.000 Could you have even had a fight that day? 1.00
02:37:20.000 I think so.
02:37:21.000 I would have just grabbed him and held on.
02:37:23.000 Let's just slow dance for a second.
02:37:26.000 Slow dance.
02:37:27.000 Me and you, man.
02:37:28.000 Just let's talk.
02:37:29.000 Come on, man.
02:37:30.000 I don't know what to talk about, but let's talk. 1.00
02:37:31.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:37:32.000 The people come out of a bar. 1.00
02:37:35.000 They're just fucking fired up. 0.99
02:37:36.000 It is the worst drug when it comes to that. 1.00
02:37:38.000 The worst.
02:37:39.000 Horrible.
02:37:39.000 The worst drug because it narrows your understanding of the danger that you're involved in.
02:37:43.000 Right.
02:37:44.000 Loosens inhibition.
02:37:46.000 Impedes rational thinking. 0.99
02:37:49.000 And it's always somebody that's so fucking hammered. 0.99
02:37:51.000 Oh, yeah. 0.97
02:37:51.000 But they can't even put one foot in front of the other. 0.97
02:37:53.000 But in their mind, they're seeing something completely different.
02:37:56.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:37:56.000 And they always end up getting the shit knocked out of them. 0.99
02:37:59.000 I've seen it. 0.99
02:38:01.000 Seen it a bunch of times.
02:38:02.000 It's horrible.
02:38:03.000 No, it's...
02:38:03.000 Seeing street fights is always so strange, too, because sometimes you see street fights with people that are so confident and they literally have no idea how to fight.
02:38:10.000 And you're like, why are you so...
02:38:12.000 What are you doing?
02:38:12.000 Like, you don't even...
02:38:13.000 Maybe they beat up somebody that was, like, really scrawny, you know, once.
02:38:16.000 And they're like, yeah.
02:38:17.000 It's gonna happen again.
02:38:18.000 Again, right now.
02:38:19.000 Get that good feeling.
02:38:21.000 Look at that big, giant bouncer.
02:38:23.000 I got this.
02:38:26.000 I always want to, like, have you ever met someone that, like, they become a different person when they get drunk?
02:38:31.000 Like, they drink and then, like, a switch goes off.
02:38:34.000 They're not there.
02:38:34.000 Like, hey, where'd Jenny go?
02:38:35.000 Where's Jenny? 0.91
02:38:36.000 Is Jenny in there?
02:38:36.000 And those eyes are just like...
02:38:38.000 They get gerbil eyes.
02:38:39.000 Yeah.
02:38:39.000 Hamster eyes.
02:38:40.000 And then you say something.
02:38:41.000 And it's usually the people that get mad real easily.
02:38:44.000 Oh, yeah.
02:38:45.000 Yeah.
02:38:45.000 It's like, we were just having fun.
02:38:47.000 Like, well, we're... 1.00
02:38:47.000 Fucking bitch! 1.00
02:38:48.000 You fucked this shit. 1.00
02:38:49.000 You fucked this... 1.00
02:38:50.000 Why are the fucking bartenders looking at me? 1.00
02:38:51.000 Yeah, because your drink's empty. 1.00
02:38:53.000 Like...
02:38:54.000 What the hell happened to you? 0.84
02:38:56.000 Where'd you go?
02:38:57.000 It's kind of amazing that so few fights do take place when you think about how much alcohol is available and how many people drink.
02:39:04.000 It's kind of amazing when you go out and you don't see a fight, which is more often than not, right?
02:39:08.000 It depends on where you're at, I think. 0.99
02:39:11.000 When I was in Austin, so you go on 6th Street and all those fucking parties. 0.99
02:39:14.000 That's a good place to see fights. 0.98
02:39:15.000 Yeah, like it would be weird to not see a fight on 6th Street.
02:39:19.000 But then if you go to a place that's like a nicer, you know, okay, these are adults instead of a bunch of just, you know, college kids that are ripped.
02:39:27.000 Yeah.
02:39:28.000 You don't see as many, but...
02:39:29.000 That's true.
02:39:30.000 I saw a lot in Austin.
02:39:31.000 That was pretty common.
02:39:33.000 Well, 6th Street, you got college towns, and then you got Texas people, and then you got booze, and you throw it all together. 0.99
02:39:39.000 A lot of fucking yeehaw. 0.98
02:39:43.000 That's a great town, though. 0.99
02:39:44.000 I love Austin.
02:39:45.000 It's a great town.
02:39:46.000 That was a good town.
02:39:46.000 It's getting choked up with people, though, these days.
02:39:48.000 Everybody wants to live there now.
02:39:50.000 Why is that?
02:39:51.000 I don't know. 0.99
02:39:52.000 It's the coolest shit to do. 0.98
02:39:54.000 It's a nice place, though. 0.99
02:39:55.000 It's fun.
02:39:56.000 It's a good atmosphere.
02:39:58.000 I think it's laid back.
02:39:59.000 The traffic there is insane now.
02:40:01.000 It started becoming just overwhelming.
02:40:05.000 Their infrastructure can't really handle it because it's not designed for that many people.
02:40:09.000 And everything's consistently under construction.
02:40:13.000 It's just like everything.
02:40:18.000 That's going to be a new building.
02:40:19.000 So we had to close that street off, and that street off.
02:40:22.000 Traffic's now worse.
02:40:26.000 It's a problem.
02:40:27.000 Yeah, but it is a very unique city in Texas, too, because it's got its own vibe to it, as opposed to, like...
02:40:34.000 Yeah, I mean, it is the Capitol.
02:40:35.000 But it's got its own vibe to it that's different than any other Texas city.
02:40:38.000 It's so liberal and open-minded, and it's weird.
02:40:41.000 Yeah.
02:40:41.000 I mean, I think that...
02:40:43.000 Like, I work downtown, and, like, where the office, where our station was, was, like, right there next to the Capitol.
02:40:49.000 So it was kind of cool.
02:40:50.000 It was on Congress, and you could walk around.
02:40:52.000 It was, you know...
02:40:54.000 I didn't live very far.
02:40:55.000 I mean, I was still young, so I had a little cool, dope-ass, a little high-rise, you know?
02:40:59.000 Like, it was fun.
02:41:00.000 But I feel like every time I go back, it's just...
02:41:05.000 Thousands more people.
02:41:06.000 Oh, yeah.
02:41:07.000 Well, there's some nutty number of people move there every day.
02:41:10.000 Yeah.
02:41:11.000 It's like a thousand people move there every day or something like that.
02:41:13.000 Something insane. 0.97
02:41:14.000 Yeah, it's something really ridiculous.
02:41:15.000 And it is sprawling because you can go out towards the lakes and all those kind of houses.
02:41:20.000 How many people move to Austin every day?
02:41:21.000 Google that.
02:41:22.000 I bet there's a statistic.
02:41:24.000 But yeah, by the lake.
02:41:25.000 Well, the lakes, there used to be two lakes, right? 0.95
02:41:27.000 Lake Austin and Lake Travis, and Lake Travis had fucking become nothing.
02:41:31.000 Well, there was Town Lake, and then, yeah. 0.96
02:41:33.000 Lake Travis is now, like, just speedboats.
02:41:36.000 But it filled up again.
02:41:37.000 It was down to nothing, and then it rained so hard, it filled back up again. 0.68
02:41:41.000 That was pretty fucked up, because nobody could even get in the water due to, like, the bacteria. 0.82
02:41:46.000 Oh, it's only 110? 0.99
02:41:47.000 150?
02:41:49.000 That's it?
02:41:51.000 That's nothing?
02:41:53.000 Oh.
02:41:54.000 When 40 people move out.
02:41:56.000 Oh, so two years ago.
02:41:57.000 How much difference?
02:42:00.000 That doesn't seem like a lot, though.
02:42:03.000 Because 150 people move in and 40 people move out.
02:42:07.000 So it's 110 net.
02:42:10.000 Hmm.
02:42:10.000 That doesn't seem that bad.
02:42:11.000 But it is over the course of years, right?
02:42:15.000 Yeah.
02:42:17.000 Oh, well. 0.99
02:42:18.000 So much for my fucking outrageous hyperbole. 0.99
02:42:20.000 It's a thousand people a week, kinda almost. 0.99
02:42:22.000 Yeah, it is.
02:42:23.000 Almost.
02:42:24.000 Almost.
02:42:24.000 Close.
02:42:25.000 Yeah.
02:42:26.000 Close is enough. 1.00
02:42:27.000 It sucks. 1.00
02:42:28.000 360,000 people a year. 1.00
02:42:30.000 No.
02:42:30.000 Week.
02:42:31.000 52. 52 weeks?
02:42:34.000 What am I doing? 0.97
02:42:36.000 That's my shitty math again. 1.00
02:42:38.000 Boy, fucking relying on calculators. 1.00
02:42:40.000 Oh, man. 1.00
02:42:41.000 I have to rely on calculators.
02:42:43.000 So we're almost out of time.
02:42:44.000 Jenny Johnson, high five. 0.87
02:42:45.000 Where can people see you do stand-up next?
02:42:47.000 When are you performing next?
02:42:49.000 Where am I performing next?
02:42:50.000 I believe...
02:42:52.000 I don't know that I have anything this week.
02:42:54.000 Maybe next week.
02:42:55.000 Maybe next week?
02:42:55.000 Okay.
02:42:56.000 Do you put it up on your Twitter and let people know?
02:42:58.000 I do.
02:42:58.000 I do it on my Twitter and on my Instagram.
02:43:03.000 Cool.
02:43:04.000 I'll let people know.
02:43:05.000 Please do.
02:43:05.000 I will.
02:43:06.000 All right.
02:43:07.000 Jenny Johnson, high five on both. 1.00
02:43:08.000 Thank you for having me on.
02:43:08.000 Oh, by the way, my cousin, Andy Nix, he's a Marine, major, flies C-130s, big fan of yours.
02:43:16.000 What's up, Andy?
02:43:17.000 Thank you, Andy.
02:43:18.000 I told him I would tell you that.
02:43:19.000 All right.
02:43:20.000 Well, you did.
02:43:21.000 Well, thanks.
02:43:21.000 This was fun.
02:43:22.000 Appreciate it.
02:43:23.000 It was fun.
02:43:23.000 Let's do it again.
02:43:24.000 We could be sponsored by Claritin D. We'll do it again when it's not raining.
02:43:29.000 Yeah, perfect.
02:43:30.000 Alright, thank you so much.
02:43:31.000 Thank you.
02:43:31.000 Appreciate it.
02:43:31.000 Jenny Johnson, ladies and gentlemen.
02:43:33.000 Alright!
02:43:35.000 That was fun.