The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #758 - Tom Papa

00:00:02.000 We're live!

00:00:04.000 We're just discussing very critical sound engineering issues we will take care of on the next version of the studio.

00:00:13.000 I'm gonna build something.

00:00:15.000 Either in downtown or near here.

00:00:17.000 We haven't decided.

00:00:17.000 Really?

00:00:18.000 Yeah.

00:00:18.000 I always figured you had it here because you live here.

00:00:20.000 Yeah, I do, but I like downtown.

00:00:22.000 I like the idea of being on top of a big building.

00:00:25.000 My other option, and I've been looking at land, my other option is in Topanga Canyon to build an actual compound. 0.98

00:00:33.000 My problem is, I'm afraid, because I know me, I don't necessarily trust me, I'm afraid I'll go whole hog Colonel Kurtz and start a real compound once I have the actual land and start putting things in and realize I'm not really that restricted financially from building shit, 0.95

00:00:50.000 I might just start getting crazy. 0.78

00:00:52.000 But all your followers could work for you.

00:00:54.000 That's the problem!

00:00:55.000 Then it becomes a problem. 1.00

00:00:56.000 The unstable ones shows up with a fucking suicide vest. 1.00

00:00:59.000 Downtown's a bit of a pain in the ass though. 1.00

00:01:01.000 Getting there sucks. 0.99

00:01:03.000 Someone had a show down there and I had to park. 0.82

00:01:07.000 Like in this weird thing and cut through a Macy's to get to where the thing was.

00:01:12.000 Downtown could be a little tricky, unless you get a cool Soho kind of loft space.

00:01:16.000 That's what I'm thinking.

00:01:17.000 What I was thinking of is getting a high-rise, like a top floor on a high-rise. 0.69

00:01:23.000 Just get crazy and get something with the most dope, ridiculous view and have that view be the background when we do shows, especially nighttime shows.

00:01:32.000 That'd be pretty sweet. 0.76

00:01:33.000 And a good vantage point when the earthquake comes.

00:01:36.000 Have you ever been in a high-rise during the quake?

00:01:38.000 Well, I'm going to have a parachute for you, and for Jamie, and for all of us.

00:01:44.000 And we're just going to shoot through one of the windows. 0.96

00:01:46.000 I'll have a shotgun. 0.99

00:01:47.000 We'll blast through one of the windows, and then we're just going to jump.

00:01:50.000 I was in San Francisco two summers ago, not last summer, the one before.

00:01:56.000 During that earthquake, they had a little—up in Napa.

00:01:59.000 It was the Napa one.

00:02:00.000 And I had a show there that night.

00:02:02.000 I'm in a high-rise.

00:02:04.000 Get up to go to the bathroom at around 2 in the morning.

00:02:07.000 On my way back, the whole building like a rubber band.

00:02:12.000 Yeah.

00:02:13.000 Just back.

00:02:13.000 I was like, what the— They're on rollers.

00:02:18.000 Yeah.

00:02:19.000 And that thing just scariest...

00:02:22.000 I just laid on the bed and I was like, alright, maybe this is going down.

00:02:25.000 You laid on the bed to deal with it?

00:02:27.000 Yeah, I just kind of collapsed on the bed.

00:02:29.000 Don't they say you're supposed to get in a door frame?

00:02:31.000 There was nothing but just...

00:02:34.000 Terror?

00:02:35.000 Yeah, completely.

00:02:36.000 Wow.

00:02:37.000 Really weird.

00:02:38.000 And I was like...

00:02:39.000 And it was over.

00:02:40.000 I'm like, do I just go to the airport?

00:02:43.000 I should just get the hell out of town, right?

00:02:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:02:45.000 Start running towards the fucking middle of the country. 0.99

00:02:48.000 Yeah, right, exactly. 1.00

00:02:49.000 Run towards Nebraska.

00:02:51.000 That was my instinct.

00:02:53.000 I looked out the window.

00:02:54.000 I didn't see people running in droves, so I just said, well, this will see how freaked out I am if I can just go back to sleep.

00:03:01.000 And I did.

00:03:03.000 I just fell asleep.

00:03:03.000 Did you ever read the article?

00:03:05.000 Was it in New Yorker?

00:03:06.000 I don't remember what magazine it was in.

00:03:08.000 There was an article that was essentially saying the Pacific Northwest, like Seattle, is a ticking time bomb.

00:03:14.000 It's a matter of time before it gets hit by a massive tsunami and an earthquake.

00:03:19.000 100%.

00:03:19.000 Gonna happen.

00:03:20.000 Might happen in 100 years.

00:03:22.000 Might happen in two.

00:03:23.000 Who knows?

00:03:24.000 Yeah.

00:03:24.000 I'm going there this weekend.

00:03:26.000 Are you?

00:03:26.000 Where are you at?

00:03:28.000 Parlor Live?

00:03:29.000 Love that place.

00:03:30.000 It's a good club.

00:03:30.000 That combines my two favorite things in life.

00:03:32.000 Pool, playing pool, and a comedy club.

00:03:35.000 It's almost like they designed it for me.

00:03:37.000 It is pretty perfect.

00:03:38.000 I haven't been there in a while.

00:03:39.000 So what what happens like when they say like at that level that they say it'll hit?

00:03:44.000 What happens to like Does that mean like Seattle goes into the ocean?

00:03:49.000 Yeah, that's the article it was the New Yorker the really big one this woman by the way received so much hate and I think fucking threats and all kinds of crazy shit that she had to I think she had to make an amendment to this The not-so-big one. 1.00

00:04:04.000 To say, hey, fuckers, relax. 0.99

00:04:06.000 I didn't mean to scare you. 1.00

00:04:09.000 But notice, like, Mexico seems fine.

00:04:11.000 It goes all the way down to California.

00:04:14.000 See the peel that they're showing in the illustration?

00:04:17.000 I think Mexico's our move. 1.00

00:04:19.000 Come on, Tom Papa, let's do it.

00:04:21.000 Let's go.

00:04:21.000 San Diego might not be a bad spot either.

00:04:23.000 It doesn't seem to be falling off.

00:04:26.000 That's not too quakey.

00:04:27.000 No, and it's filled with military people.

00:04:28.000 They'll know what to do.

00:04:29.000 Yeah, Pendleton.

00:04:30.000 Yeah, they're right there.

00:04:32.000 They'll know what to do. 1.00

00:04:33.000 That's a good spot to be if the shit hits the fan. 1.00

00:04:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:36.000 Bunch of motherfuckers who've prepared for the shit hitting the fan. 1.00

00:04:38.000 Do you have a kit? 1.00

00:04:39.000 A kit.

00:04:40.000 Yeah, do you have an emergency kit?

00:04:42.000 I have food and freeze-dried food and water.

00:04:45.000 Keep it in the garage fridge?

00:04:46.000 Yeah.

00:04:47.000 Well, I have garage freezers.

00:04:49.000 I have freezers in the garage.

00:04:50.000 Okay.

00:04:51.000 And I have giant coolers that'll keep...

00:04:52.000 I have these Yeti coolers.

00:04:54.000 You ever see...

00:04:54.000 You know what a Yeti cooler is?

00:04:55.000 No.

00:04:56.000 Yeti coolers are really high-end hunting coolers, like outdoorsman coolers.

00:05:02.000 They will keep ice.

00:05:03.000 I use it when I brine things, like if I brine a ham.

00:05:07.000 Like I smoke hams.

00:05:08.000 You ever smoke a ham?

00:05:08.000 Yeah.

00:05:09.000 No.

00:05:09.000 Oh, it's so delicious.

00:05:10.000 Yeah.

00:05:10.000 Man, there's nothing like it.

00:05:11.000 It takes a long time to do.

00:05:13.000 How long?

00:05:13.000 It takes like six days to brine it.

00:05:15.000 Six days?

00:05:16.000 Six days.

00:05:17.000 Wow.

00:05:17.000 Yeah.

00:05:18.000 But then once you smoke it and then cook it like right out of the smoker and then serve it, oh my god, it's amazing.

00:05:24.000 Really?

00:05:24.000 My kids scream when they eat it.

00:05:26.000 They're like, this is amazing!

00:05:29.000 Because it just melts in your mouth.

00:05:31.000 It's just so tender and moist and delicious.

00:05:33.000 Jeez.

00:05:34.000 So where's the cooler coming?

00:05:35.000 What do you mean?

00:05:35.000 I leave it in the cooler for six days by itself in a bucket.

00:05:40.000 So I brine the ham.

00:05:42.000 I take the ham.

00:05:42.000 I put a bucket of water with salt, garlic, some brown sugar, and a few other spices.

00:05:49.000 I forget what it is.

00:05:50.000 Some Himalayan pink salt.

00:05:52.000 And then it sits in this cooler.

00:05:54.000 I surround the cooler with ice or surround the bucket with ice.

00:05:58.000 Right.

00:05:58.000 And I lock it down and I just leave it outside for days.

00:06:02.000 Jeez.

00:06:03.000 Six days later, I open it up and it's still got ice.

00:06:06.000 Really?

00:06:07.000 Yeah, see that?

00:06:08.000 That's one that I cooked.

00:06:11.000 That looks good.

00:06:12.000 Yeah.

00:06:12.000 Five hours at 250 degrees.

00:06:14.000 How many pounds is that?

00:06:15.000 That was about, I want to say like a three pound one somewhere.

00:06:21.000 Jeez.

00:06:21.000 Yeah.

00:06:21.000 It was so good.

00:06:23.000 Oh my God.

00:06:24.000 Like you cut, like you see all the juices at the bottom of that plate?

00:06:27.000 Yeah.

00:06:27.000 It's like you cut into it and it's just squirting in your face.

00:06:30.000 It's so good.

00:06:32.000 So good.

00:06:33.000 Jesus.

00:06:34.000 Yeah.

00:06:35.000 That is pretty intense.

00:06:36.000 That's a wild, wild ham too.

00:06:37.000 So that's during the apocalypse, that's what you're going to live on.

00:06:40.000 Well, my point is that those Yeti coolers can keep things cold for a really long time.

00:06:44.000 Right.

00:06:44.000 So, like, you could have, like, if you have frozen meat, it'll stay frozen in those things for a week.

00:06:49.000 Right.

00:06:49.000 Or at least cold enough where you don't have to worry about it going bad.

00:06:54.000 So you can keep all your stuff in there.

00:06:55.000 So I have meat that'll last for a week.

00:06:57.000 I have, like, a week of meat, and then...

00:06:58.000 Okay.

00:07:00.000 Generator?

00:07:00.000 I have a generator.

00:07:01.000 You do?

00:07:02.000 I'm going solar, though.

00:07:03.000 I'm turning my whole house solar.

00:07:04.000 I think I am as well.

00:07:06.000 It's crazy to not in California.

00:07:07.000 I know.

00:07:08.000 You have to drop...

00:07:10.000 Pretty good cash at the beginning.

00:07:12.000 Yes.

00:07:12.000 It'll take about five years to get it back.

00:07:14.000 You might not ever get it back.

00:07:15.000 Might not ever.

00:07:16.000 But you can have it set up where you're always going to have power and you're completely off the grid.

00:07:22.000 Right.

00:07:22.000 That's the big thing.

00:07:23.000 Which Brian Callan has been trying to get them to turn over to his solar, and he says they're really resistant.

00:07:30.000 Really?

00:07:30.000 Yeah, he paid for panels, he had the whole thing set up, and he's like, it's really interesting.

00:07:34.000 He's like, they make it super difficult for you to do this because they're fighting the solar companies.

00:07:40.000 They don't want them to be autonomous.

00:07:42.000 They don't want people to be autonomous.

00:07:43.000 They also want you to be connected to the grid.

00:07:45.000 Yeah.

00:07:46.000 If you choose to remove yourself from the grid and be just 100% solar, it's a huge issue.

00:07:51.000 Really?

00:07:52.000 Yep, very hard to get done.

00:07:53.000 So has he cut off completely from this?

00:07:55.000 He's not.

00:07:56.000 So you pay like a couple cents a month just to stay on?

00:07:59.000 I don't know.

00:08:00.000 I don't know.

00:08:00.000 You'd have to talk to Brian.

00:08:01.000 Right.

00:08:01.000 But for the longest time, I don't know if he's gotten it turned over, but for the longest time, they weren't turning it over.

00:08:07.000 Like, I'm talking about six months.

00:08:09.000 So he makes a sizable investment, spends tens of thousands of dollars, has all this equipment installed in his yard, and they wouldn't turn it on.

00:08:16.000 He's like, I couldn't get them to turn it on.

00:08:18.000 I have a Tesla, and I want to go solar, so it's the car.

00:08:23.000 So completely...

00:08:24.000 Yeah.

00:08:24.000 But...

00:08:26.000 The battery, like the charger, you can get a rebate off of this thing.

00:08:30.000 The amount of paperwork you have to show the city of LA for them to give you $700 back.

00:08:37.000 You have to take pictures of your house, pictures of the charger, receipts from the company, certificates of work, things from the panel.

00:08:46.000 I mean, it's a list of like 12 things.

00:08:50.000 If I have to go to the mailbox once with the right stamp, it's going to take weeks for me to pull that off.

00:08:57.000 You're a comic.

00:08:58.000 I'm not doing it.

00:09:00.000 I'm like, alright, I guess I'm not going to play ball.

00:09:03.000 They make you do $700 worth of work to get your $700 worth of rebate.

00:09:07.000 Exactly.

00:09:08.000 You would think they would be the opposite.

00:09:10.000 No.

00:09:11.000 You'd think that they would encourage it because it would ease the grid.

00:09:14.000 Yeah.

00:09:15.000 I rented a Tesla for a day because we have a sponsor.

00:09:19.000 It's called Skurt, S-K-U-R-T, and they're real new, but what they're doing is they're essentially like Uber for rental cars.

00:09:26.000 So say if you were outside the comedy store and you're like, I need a rental car.

00:09:30.000 I want to drive to San Francisco.

00:09:31.000 Right. 1.00

00:09:31.000 They'll fucking show up in 20 minutes with a rental car, and you take that bitch and drive it up the coast. 1.00

00:09:37.000 Jeez. 1.00

00:09:37.000 It's crazy. 1.00

00:09:38.000 Yeah, you have an application on your phone, right?

00:09:41.000 You use the app, you order up a car, and you can get a Tesla.

00:09:44.000 So I said, okay, I want to try this service out before we do it.

00:09:47.000 Let's get me a Tesla. 0.99

00:09:49.000 So I got a Tesla, it was through fucking services, excellent. 0.96

00:09:52.000 They show up, they give you the thing, they give you the key, do you know how to do it? 0.97

00:09:55.000 I said, yeah, I watched a couple videos, I'm good.

00:09:57.000 So they go, okay.

00:09:58.000 It's real strange because the Tesla doesn't start.

00:10:01.000 No.

00:10:01.000 And that's a weird...

00:10:02.000 Powers up.

00:10:03.000 Yeah, that's a weird one for people.

00:10:05.000 You get in and you go, okay, why isn't it starting?

00:10:07.000 There's no revving the gas.

00:10:08.000 No, there's no gas.

00:10:09.000 There's no brum-brum.

00:10:10.000 There's no brum-brum at all.

00:10:12.000 No.

00:10:12.000 And it just sort of, you put it in drive and okay, we're going.

00:10:16.000 Okay.

00:10:17.000 Yeah.

00:10:18.000 But what got me was how quick the battery drained.

00:10:21.000 I was like, ooh, I don't like this.

00:10:24.000 How quick did it drain?

00:10:25.000 Well, I live out here, which is about a half hour to the Improv.

00:10:28.000 I drove all the way to the Improv, back...

00:10:31.000 I drove here, home, back to the Improv, and back home, and then back here, and it was more than a half a tank.

00:10:39.000 More than half.

00:10:40.000 More than half gone.

00:10:41.000 I'm like, that's not 240 miles.

00:10:43.000 But that's half.

00:10:45.000 That's 120. But it's not even.

00:10:47.000 It's not even.

00:10:47.000 It's maybe 60 miles worth of driving.

00:10:50.000 Maybe.

00:10:50.000 Were you punching it?

00:10:52.000 You must have been because it's a fast car.

00:10:54.000 I don't think I drive any other way.

00:10:56.000 That's what I do.

00:10:57.000 There is a big difference when you're slamming it.

00:11:00.000 There's like a thing, it shows you like the sweet spot.

00:11:03.000 And that's around, probably around 65. It's around granny level. 1.00

00:11:07.000 But man, when you blast that thing.

00:11:10.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:11:11.000 But it eats up the juice.

00:11:13.000 But it's weird how it accelerates without gears, which is very hard for people who've driven a regular car to comprehend, but it's instant on.

00:11:23.000 Like a golf cart.

00:11:24.000 Yeah.

00:11:25.000 Like a Mongo golf cart.

00:11:27.000 Yeah.

00:11:27.000 Super golf cart.

00:11:28.000 It's fun even going from zero to 35, 40. Yeah.

00:11:32.000 Just to get that punch.

00:11:33.000 It's a wonderful car.

00:11:35.000 It's amazing.

00:11:36.000 What they've done is amazing.

00:11:37.000 I came here...

00:11:38.000 From down around Wilshire, like Beverly Hills area, get on the 405, hit autopilot, and I didn't steer until I got off of the 101. Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:11:52.000 I didn't touch the brake. 1.00

00:11:53.000 I didn't touch the accelerator.

00:11:55.000 I didn't steer.

00:11:56.000 Were you texting?

00:11:57.000 I looked at a text.

00:12:02.000 I looked at a text.

00:12:04.000 That freaks me out, man.

00:12:06.000 It drives better than I do.

00:12:08.000 What is it doing?

00:12:09.000 It's got a camera and it's scanning the environment?

00:12:12.000 It's got cameras and sensors.

00:12:13.000 So it's...

00:12:14.000 On the dashboard, it'll show the two lines that it picked up visually.

00:12:19.000 It'll pick up the speed based on a sign.

00:12:24.000 And then it has cars, shadow cars around you.

00:12:27.000 It's reading all the cars around you.

00:12:29.000 Jesus.

00:12:30.000 And it just...

00:12:32.000 It just goes.

00:12:33.000 You set it at the speed, like cruise control, and it just breaks.

00:12:38.000 And if you want to change lanes, you just hit the directional.

00:12:40.000 And if it thinks it's safe, it'll change lanes for you.

00:12:43.000 Well, I have one of those Lexus SUVs, and it'll accelerate and decelerate depending upon the traffic.

00:12:51.000 So it has a laser sensor, and it gives you options.

00:12:54.000 Like you could ride someone's ass, and then it'll do it that way, or you could spread it out where it's like four cars in front of you, it starts to break. 0.96

00:13:01.000 Right. 0.99

00:13:02.000 Which is the way I have it set it.

00:13:03.000 Because I don't think it...

00:13:04.000 It doesn't brake that good. 0.99

00:13:05.000 It's a giant ass truck. 0.99

00:13:06.000 Right. 0.99

00:13:07.000 In traffic, it's pretty great.

00:13:09.000 Yeah.

00:13:09.000 Like, when I take my kids to school, I'll hop on the 101. Mm-hmm.

00:13:12.000 And I'll...

00:13:13.000 To not have to deal with the braking, stopping, going, that part is just sweet. 1.00

00:13:18.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99

00:13:18.000 It's awesome. 0.99

00:13:19.000 It's really great.

00:13:20.000 I mean, they say car insurance companies are getting ready for the collapse of their business.

00:13:26.000 Good.

00:13:27.000 They say once everything's automated...

00:13:29.000 They think, this is the insurance companies talking, that it's going to be an 85% decrease in accidents.

00:13:35.000 Wow.

00:13:35.000 That's how much better the car, and I know the car is a better driver than I am.

00:13:40.000 Yeah.

00:13:41.000 More cautious, sees more.

00:13:44.000 As long as you have the option to be autonomous on a country road, you know? 0.88

00:13:48.000 As long as, like, you get on a country road and you can just fucking zoom around and drive and see things.

00:13:54.000 You mean do it on your own?

00:13:55.000 Yeah.

00:13:56.000 Yeah, because when you get on those roads, like, I put it on autopilot going to the comedy store, and I go from Sherman Hooks over Laurel, you know, Laurel Canyons.

00:14:06.000 Wavy gravy and weird turns and people, and it's a little nerve-wracking.

00:14:12.000 So when you're doing that, so you're doing all those turns, it's doing it completely by itself on Laurel?

00:14:18.000 To a point.

00:14:20.000 Oh, no!

00:14:20.000 I don't like that.

00:14:21.000 To a point.

00:14:22.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:14:23.000 That's the scary part.

00:14:25.000 Because it doesn't really...

00:14:26.000 Because, you know, Laurel, it's old road.

00:14:28.000 You can't read the lines.

00:14:29.000 Yeah.

00:14:30.000 There's a lot of weirdness going on. 1.00

00:14:31.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:14:32.000 You can't... 1.00

00:14:32.000 I've tried it. 1.00

00:14:33.000 Especially when you come back down towards Ventura and there's like that really whipping turn.

00:14:37.000 Yeah.

00:14:38.000 That you don't want to just let the car do it.

00:14:40.000 Maybe it's going to be one of those things where they're going to be forced to have to redo the roads to deal with these electric cars that have to read the sensors.

00:14:46.000 Maybe.

00:14:47.000 The other thing is I think the technology is going to be GPS driven also.

00:14:51.000 Oh.

00:14:51.000 So that'll help if it syncs up that.

00:14:53.000 That way the government can just fucking shut you down and pull you over. 0.99

00:14:56.000 They could exterminate you if you do anything wrong. 0.99

00:14:59.000 Well, you know, that's the grand conspiracy theory about Michael Hastings.

00:15:03.000 Do you know who Michael Hastings is?

00:15:05.000 Mm-mm.

00:15:05.000 Michael Hastings is a journalist.

00:15:06.000 He wrote an article for Rolling Stone about a general who was involved in the war, and he was embedded.

00:15:13.000 And while he was embedded over there, just coincidentally, it was when they had that big Icelandic volcano.

00:15:18.000 Do you remember that Icelandic volcano?

00:15:20.000 Yeah.

00:15:20.000 Well, it globally crippled flights for a long time.

00:15:24.000 I remember that all through Europe.

00:15:25.000 Yeah.

00:15:25.000 So he was stuck over there for, I want to say, like an extra month.

00:15:29.000 And when he was stuck over there, they got a little too comfy with this guy.

00:15:33.000 And they started cracking a bunch of jokes about Vice President Biden.

00:15:37.000 Who's that?

00:15:39.000 The soldiers and the general.

00:15:42.000 And I don't remember.

00:15:44.000 Macalester?

00:15:44.000 Was it Macalester?

00:15:45.000 Macalester?

00:15:46.000 Whichever general.

00:15:47.000 I believe it was McAllister.

00:15:48.000 He had to step down after the article came out because the article was just absolutely brutal.

00:15:53.000 And it was devastating.

00:15:55.000 And so this Michael Hastings character started receiving some serious, tangible death threats. 1.00

00:16:02.000 They're like, you're a dead motherfucker. 1.00

00:16:03.000 We're gonna find you. 1.00

00:16:04.000 You just cost American lives because you just got rid of one of the best generals ever because you don't think it's politically correct that this guy jokes around about a guy like Joe Biden, who's obviously a fucking goof. 1.00

00:16:18.000 Joe Biden's a goof. 1.00

00:16:20.000 He's a goof. 1.00

00:16:20.000 And if you don't think he's a goof, why isn't he running for president? 1.00

00:16:23.000 Why isn't he running, ladies and gentlemen? 0.94

00:16:25.000 For a bunch of reasons.

00:16:26.000 One of them, Joe Biden was a plagiarist.

00:16:28.000 Joe Biden, when I was in Boston, At Stitch's Comedy Club in 1988, which is back when he was running for president, but had to abandon his campaign, because they found his speeches were just in gigantic chunks of President Kennedy's speeches.

00:16:44.000 No.

00:16:44.000 Yes.

00:16:44.000 He stole from Kennedy?

00:16:45.000 Kennedy!

00:16:47.000 Nobody knew. 1.00

00:16:48.000 Back before the internet, nobody knew that you couldn't get away with shit like that. 1.00

00:16:51.000 That's crazy. 1.00

00:16:52.000 But he got away with it because of actual political scholars who were like, hey, fuckhead, I know that fucking speech. 1.00

00:16:58.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

00:16:59.000 So we at Stitches had Joe Biden night.

00:17:01.000 We would do Joe Biden night.

00:17:03.000 What do you mean? 1.00

00:17:03.000 Where we would steal each other's shit. 1.00

00:17:06.000 Like if you went up, you would do my act and I would try to remember your act. 0.99

00:17:09.000 We would try to remember each other's.

00:17:10.000 It was really fun.

00:17:11.000 That's great.

00:17:11.000 That's gotta be fun.

00:17:12.000 Yeah, it was...

00:17:14.000 Kevin Fitzgerald?

00:17:15.000 Who the hell did...

00:17:16.000 I forget who...

00:17:17.000 I forget the comic who started it.

00:17:20.000 It's hilarious.

00:17:21.000 That's a great idea.

00:17:22.000 That's how much of a plagiarist he was.

00:17:24.000 Wow.

00:17:24.000 I never heard that.

00:17:25.000 Yeah, he was so...

00:17:26.000 Well, the Democratic Party keeps it under wraps now.

00:17:29.000 But it was a big story in 88. So what happened with this?

00:17:33.000 So he started getting death threats because he was talking shit about him? 0.99

00:17:35.000 So he started getting some serious death threats. 1.00

00:17:38.000 Because this guy was a loved general, very respected by these people who worked for him, including soldiers, including spec ops guys, and all these people who looked at this Michael Hastings guy like, you piece of fucking shit. 1.00

00:17:50.000 And Hastings was just a guy? 1.00

00:17:52.000 Just a reporter.

00:17:53.000 Just a reporter. 1.00

00:17:54.000 But a snarky little fuck. 1.00

00:17:55.000 Right. 1.00

00:17:55.000 You know, he was doing Adderall and a bunch of other shit. 1.00

00:17:57.000 He was a little cocky. 0.98

00:17:59.000 Anyway, this guy drove 120 miles an hour without hitting the brakes into a tree on sunset and died under very suspicious circumstances.

00:18:10.000 Not only that, he was telling people that if he dies, like, you should understand that they killed me.

00:18:16.000 Really?

00:18:16.000 I'm not going to kill myself.

00:18:17.000 If I die, just know this. 0.98

00:18:19.000 They killed me. 1.00

00:18:21.000 And...

00:18:22.000 When military experts who understand what's possible today when it comes to automating vehicles out there, they say it's absolutely possible.

00:18:31.000 Absolutely possible.

00:18:32.000 Well, people are hacking into computer cars.

00:18:35.000 Well, these cars, like your car, that can drive itself.

00:18:37.000 Yeah.

00:18:38.000 Like, this is a Mercedes, and the Mercedes have that same ability.

00:18:41.000 Oh.

00:18:42.000 Yeah, especially the new ones do. 0.95

00:18:43.000 I don't know if his did, but what they're essentially saying is they could just pin that fucking accelerator down, lift off that brake so the brake doesn't work at all, and then just steer him. 0.93

00:18:55.000 Probably disable the bags. 1.00

00:18:57.000 And steer that motherfucker right into a tree. 1.00

00:19:00.000 Oh. 1.00

00:19:00.000 And that's how they killed him. 1.00

00:19:01.000 That's how people think.

00:19:03.000 Right.

00:19:04.000 Of course, his family and a lot of other people who are close to them, they don't want to say anything.

00:19:08.000 They're probably terrified.

00:19:09.000 Yeah.

00:19:09.000 And they say, no, we believe it was suicide.

00:19:12.000 But the people who knew him outside of his family, like, that is nonsense.

00:19:17.000 Wow.

00:19:18.000 It's a credible conspiracy, because you're talking about a guy who, through his article, like, the Rolling Stone article was devastating to the military.

00:19:28.000 It's really devastating to...

00:19:30.000 Was it McAllister?

00:19:31.000 To the point where General has to step down.

00:19:34.000 Stanley McChrystal.

00:19:35.000 Hastings.

00:19:35.000 And then he was working on a profile of the CIA director, John Brennan, at the time of his death.

00:19:41.000 Yes.

00:19:41.000 Okay.

00:19:42.000 And yeah, he was working on another fucking expose of the CIA director. 1.00

00:19:48.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

00:19:49.000 So it was really interesting. 1.00

00:19:52.000 It was really interesting.

00:19:54.000 And, you know, I just have to be worried about someone being in the audience at the Comedy Store and being like, he's a hack, and they take out their cell phone and make me go into a tree on Laurel.

00:20:05.000 Like, the CIA's not gonna care.

00:20:07.000 But an angry audience member...

00:20:09.000 Well, that's...

00:20:10.000 That's scary. 1.00

00:20:12.000 He fucked with... 1.00

00:20:13.000 What was the general's name? 1.00

00:20:14.000 Stanley McChrystal.

00:20:15.000 McChrystal.

00:20:16.000 McChrystal.

00:20:17.000 And the CIA. Yes.

00:20:19.000 Yeah, I mean, it was a double whammy of fuck-ups. 0.98

00:20:21.000 And it's almost like they wanted to see what they could get away with. 0.98

00:20:24.000 Like, let's see. 1.00

00:20:24.000 We haven't used this shit. 1.00

00:20:25.000 Let's try to use this shit stateside. 1.00

00:20:27.000 Oh, man. 1.00

00:20:28.000 Drive this motherfucker into a tree. 1.00

00:20:30.000 Because... 1.00

00:20:30.000 Gotta be able to. 1.00

00:20:31.000 Because with someone writing a snarky article like that, I mean, I don't know what actually was said, or I didn't read the article, but apparently it was very disturbing to the people that were involved there, and what he had decided to do with this article, from their point of view, was take a very inflammatory position.

00:20:48.000 He tried to, you know, manipulate it and make it very negative, and, you know, they can do things like that if they write an article about you.

00:20:58.000 Well, it's amazing.

00:20:59.000 I mean, when you think about just technology and I'm so excited about this car, I'm so excited what it can do.

00:21:05.000 It's amazing where all this stuff is going.

00:21:07.000 You just talking about that service will just bring a rental car to you.

00:21:10.000 I mean, it's moving so quickly and so great.

00:21:13.000 But I tend to only think of all these positive, cool, fun things that you can do with it.

00:21:19.000 You know, the evildoers can use that same stuff and then some.

00:21:26.000 Well, in their mind, they might not even be the evildoers.

00:21:29.000 He might be a real problem.

00:21:31.000 Right.

00:21:31.000 I mean, he might be, in their eyes, an enemy of America.

00:21:34.000 Right.

00:21:34.000 I don't know who's right.

00:21:36.000 Yeah.

00:21:36.000 But if he really did interrupt some military operations that cost soldiers their lives because the general wasn't there anymore because he had to step down and it fucked up the entire chain of leadership.

00:21:49.000 It's heavy. 0.98

00:21:50.000 And he was talking about, in that same article that Jamie put up, that he was around, whenever he was around people who kill people for a living, they would invariably tell him, we're going to kill you.

00:22:02.000 Like, it wasn't a couple people that were saying this to him. 1.00

00:22:06.000 Like, there was several people that were saying, hey, motherfucker, you're dead, just so you know. 1.00

00:22:10.000 We're all gonna kill you. 1.00

00:22:12.000 So, this guy, what did he do? 1.00

00:22:14.000 He doubled down.

00:22:15.000 Went after the CIA afterwards.

00:22:16.000 God. 0.99

00:22:17.000 The balls on him. 0.99

00:22:18.000 The balls on this young man. 1.00

00:22:20.000 He tested positive when he died for crystal meth. 1.00

00:22:23.000 He did.

00:22:24.000 Yeah, he'd had...

00:22:25.000 Verify that, just to be sure.

00:22:28.000 He had had an issue with drugs in the past, apparently, from all the stuff that I've read.

00:22:33.000 Right. 0.98

00:22:34.000 And they thought he'd kicked it, but, you know, death threats will fucking get you right back on the wagon. 0.99

00:22:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:22:39.000 Or off the wagon. 0.99

00:22:40.000 Wait, how's it work?

00:22:41.000 On the wagon?

00:22:41.000 Off the wagon.

00:22:42.000 Off the wagon.

00:22:43.000 Or do they plant that on him?

00:22:45.000 Well, it's his body.

00:22:46.000 Make that easy for him.

00:22:47.000 It's his body.

00:22:48.000 Yeah.

00:22:48.000 It may or may not have been real.

00:22:50.000 Who knows?

00:22:51.000 Right.

00:22:51.000 And it also, that stuff, crystal meth and Adderall are so closely related, they're almost the same thing.

00:22:59.000 Really?

00:22:59.000 Yeah.

00:23:00.000 Yeah, Adderall is very, very similar to crystal meth.

00:23:03.000 Really?

00:23:04.000 Yeah.

00:23:05.000 Jeez.

00:23:06.000 Well, it's just a nice, healthy dose.

00:23:09.000 Right.

00:23:09.000 We don't have to worry about dying.

00:23:11.000 Right.

00:23:12.000 Or running down sunset with no pants on.

00:23:15.000 Right.

00:23:16.000 You know, you'll get productive instead of...

00:23:18.000 You'll just read a lot.

00:23:19.000 Destructive.

00:23:20.000 Productive and destructive are next-door neighbors when you're on Adderall, apparently.

00:23:23.000 God, that was the scary thing.

00:23:25.000 When they were talking during the Republican debate about how much heroin is in New Hampshire, how it's just nobody, not one person, brought up prescription drugs as the lead-in to that.

00:23:37.000 Well, they can't.

00:23:38.000 Not one.

00:23:39.000 They can't.

00:23:41.000 That's just too much money.

00:23:42.000 Yeah.

00:23:43.000 The pharmaceutical companies have them bought and sold.

00:23:45.000 Yeah.

00:23:46.000 It's a criminal business.

00:23:48.000 The whole business is entirely criminal as far as politics.

00:23:52.000 The business of politics, the way they get money and what they can and can't say.

00:23:56.000 Otherwise, they would be talking about cigarettes.

00:23:58.000 Right.

00:23:58.000 Cigarettes kill a half a million people in America alone every year.

00:24:04.000 Still.

00:24:04.000 Yeah.

00:24:05.000 Still.

00:24:05.000 Yeah.

00:24:06.000 It's not changing.

00:24:07.000 Right. 1.00

00:24:07.000 It dropped off a little bit, you know, with education, but people are fucking dumb, man. 1.00

00:24:12.000 They want those things in their mouth. 1.00

00:24:14.000 It's amazing, isn't it?

00:24:16.000 It's amazing.

00:24:17.000 Did you ever try it?

00:24:18.000 Smoking?

00:24:18.000 Yeah.

00:24:19.000 Once as a kid, we were walking down the street, and we saw a lit cigarette.

00:24:24.000 Someone must just put it out of their car.

00:24:27.000 I was just walking with my two buddies.

00:24:28.000 I picked up a cigarette.

00:24:31.000 Imagine if that's how you got herpes. 0.74

00:24:32.000 Yeah.

00:24:33.000 It's a random cigarette.

00:24:35.000 I coughed so much.

00:24:37.000 I was like, that is awful.

00:24:39.000 And it was like probably 11. And that was it.

00:24:42.000 I was just like, no, I'm not going to smoke.

00:24:44.000 Good for you.

00:24:45.000 It was just a lucky break, you know?

00:24:47.000 I smoked with my sister when I was 15 and she was 14. I tried it and she tried it.

00:24:52.000 She kept smoking until she was in her 40s, I think.

00:24:55.000 Really?

00:24:55.000 Yeah, I think 30s or late 30s maybe.

00:24:59.000 I never smoked again. 0.74

00:25:01.000 I just was like, this is ridiculous. 0.62

00:25:03.000 I like the idea of it.

00:25:04.000 I like holding something.

00:25:05.000 A lot of times when I'm out with friends, I'll just roll up a napkin or something.

00:25:11.000 I just like the authority of it. 0.98

00:25:13.000 Oh, it looks cool as fuck. 0.96

00:25:14.000 It's the coolest. 0.99

00:25:16.000 Just come out of a show and just light up by yourself in the hallway.

00:25:20.000 You know what's funny when cigarette smokers look down on cigar smokers? 1.00

00:25:24.000 Like, fuck off. 1.00

00:25:26.000 I love cigars. 1.00

00:25:27.000 Cigars are great, but it's funny when, you know, someone lights up a cigar around someone who smokes cigarettes, they'll go like, ugh, disgusting. 1.00

00:25:33.000 Like, oh my god, do you know what those fucking cigarettes you smoke smell like? 1.00

00:25:37.000 Yeah, they're the worst. 1.00

00:25:38.000 The best is pipes.

00:25:39.000 Pipes smell great.

00:25:40.000 I know.

00:25:41.000 Pipes really...

00:25:43.000 I know pipes smell good because that doesn't offend my family, which is all girls. 0.96

00:25:48.000 That's interesting.

00:25:49.000 Yeah.

00:25:49.000 They're like, oh, that's not so bad.

00:25:51.000 But a cigar, forget it.

00:25:52.000 I could be in the backyard, shut all the windows, buy myself a cigar, and someone's going to pop their head out of a window. 1.00

00:25:59.000 You're disgusting! 1.00

00:26:01.000 Daddy's disgusting! 1.00

00:26:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:26:05.000 Nice cigar is great.

00:26:07.000 Me too.

00:26:07.000 I got a cigar over here from Michael Dowd.

00:26:10.000 These are from- they're probably dried out now.

00:26:12.000 I gotta get a humidor.

00:26:13.000 Remind me again about a humidor.

00:26:15.000 I got a humidor at home I gotta bring in here.

00:26:16.000 Yeah, I got one.

00:26:17.000 This is from- did you ever see the documentary The 7-5?

00:26:20.000 No.

00:26:21.000 Nick DiPaolo told me about it.

00:26:22.000 Oh, yeah? 1.00

00:26:23.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:26:24.000 The 7-5. 0.99

00:26:25.000 The 7-5 is about the 7-5 precinct in New York City.

00:26:29.000 Uh-huh.

00:26:30.000 And it was in the 70s- the 80s, rather, during the crack epidemic.

00:26:34.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:26:35.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:26:36.000 Oh, really? 1.00

00:26:36.000 What a fucking crazy documentary. 1.00

00:26:38.000 And Michael Dowd was one of the corrupt cops that was in it. 1.00

00:26:42.000 He went to jail for a long time, the whole deal, but then got out, and then they did this documentary, and he did my podcast.

00:26:48.000 Oh, really?

00:26:49.000 Yeah, and he brought in some cigars that he's having made.

00:26:51.000 That's his business now?

00:26:52.000 Well, he's doing a bunch of different things.

00:26:54.000 He's just kind of hustling.

00:26:55.000 It's hard.

00:26:56.000 I mean, he's in jail for a long time, so he's going to try to put his life back in order.

00:27:00.000 Jeez.

00:27:00.000 He just got caught up in all the money?

00:27:02.000 Oh, well, he was 20-something years old. 0.97

00:27:04.000 He was young, and all the cops are corrupt.

00:27:06.000 He's like, the first day on the job, they were explaining to him about a guy who, quote-unquote, jumped off of a roof, and it was because this guy had ratted on cops.

00:27:16.000 He's like, that's what happens when you're ratted on cops.

00:27:18.000 And he's like, oh, got it?

00:27:21.000 We're good.

00:27:22.000 We're totally good here.

00:27:23.000 Secret message received.

00:27:24.000 Yeah, it was like the first week or something that he was working.

00:27:27.000 But he was like, it was really, real clear, real early on that there's a giant percentage of guys are on the take.

00:27:34.000 Wow.

00:27:34.000 And that's just how you made money.

00:27:35.000 So where does he get the tobacco?

00:27:37.000 I don't know.

00:27:38.000 You know, I think they're made in the Dominican Republic.

00:27:41.000 He's got a friend that he used to do quote-unquote business with back during the cocaine days that he's pals with.

00:27:46.000 He goes and visits.

00:27:47.000 I think that's where he's getting the...

00:27:48.000 He's got a pal.

00:27:49.000 Yeah.

00:27:50.000 He's got a bunch of Cuban cigars.

00:27:52.000 Some Cohibas. 1.00

00:27:53.000 Ooh.

00:27:53.000 Nice.

00:27:54.000 It really is a difference.

00:27:55.000 Yeah.

00:27:56.000 God, is it a difference.

00:27:56.000 If you get the real deal, you've got to make sure you get real ones.

00:28:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:28:00.000 There's a lot of fucking counterfeit Cuban cigars. 0.99

00:28:02.000 There's a lot of fakies. 1.00

00:28:03.000 It's all going to open up now, though.

00:28:05.000 Yep.

00:28:05.000 Soon.

00:28:06.000 But they don't have enough quantity.

00:28:09.000 I forget the name of the area where they grow.

00:28:13.000 There's this area, a specific area, Viejo Trabajo or something like that.

00:28:17.000 I forget what it's called.

00:28:18.000 But it's a very small area where they grow the best cigars.

00:28:22.000 But the soil is incredibly rich.

00:28:24.000 And they've been tilling the soil and taking care of it in a very specific way for decades and decades.

00:28:30.000 And they just know what they're doing.

00:28:33.000 And now America's coming in and wants to devour it. 0.97

00:28:35.000 Yeah, right?

00:28:37.000 I mean, because they do sell them around the rest of the world.

00:28:39.000 I used to get them from England.

00:28:41.000 Oh, yeah?

00:28:41.000 I used to get them sent to me from England, allegedly.

00:28:45.000 Allegedly, because it's not legal.

00:28:46.000 No.

00:28:47.000 They would send them to me, and then, like, a couple weeks later, they would send me the bands.

00:28:52.000 So they would send them to me with, like, Dominican bands.

00:28:54.000 Uh-huh.

00:28:55.000 And then you'd take them off, and then they'd send you the actual real, you know.

00:28:59.000 Yeah.

00:29:00.000 My friend, you know, Gad Elmaleh, that French comedian?

00:29:03.000 No.

00:29:04.000 He's like the biggest comedian in France.

00:29:06.000 And I told him that I had gotten a while ago that I had a Cuban cigar.

00:29:12.000 He's like, no, you don't.

00:29:13.000 I was like, yeah, I got them.

00:29:15.000 And I go, did you get them?

00:29:16.000 I said, my buddy got them from Vegas and he knows a guy, he knows a guy.

00:29:19.000 He's like...

00:29:20.000 Tom, I'm telling you, Americans do not get the Cuban cigars.

00:29:24.000 I will bring you some that we have in France.

00:29:26.000 And then he brought some stuff from France, and I couldn't really tell if it was different, but his point was, Cuban will deal with us. 0.98

00:29:34.000 What you're getting is just rehashed or shit. 0.98

00:29:36.000 Maybe. 0.99

00:29:37.000 You definitely can get...

00:29:39.000 Yeah, you can.

00:29:40.000 I think the ones I have now are legit.

00:29:43.000 Maybe.

00:29:43.000 I think so.

00:29:44.000 The only way to really know is to get them from Cuba.

00:29:47.000 Yeah.

00:29:47.000 And even then you don't know.

00:29:49.000 Right.

00:29:49.000 And they could be shipping them from Dominican Republic to Cuba, boxing them in Cuba with their own rappers and sending them right to you to save money.

00:29:56.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:29:57.000 I mean, once people realize that there's so much money in America now...

00:30:03.000 Yeah.

00:30:03.000 I still don't think you can just go hog wild and buy like 50 boxes of them.

00:30:07.000 I think there's like a limitation on how much you're allowed to import.

00:30:10.000 Yeah.

00:30:10.000 I went to, in Canada, I went to a warehouse, a guy that dealt with Cuba, and then he would sell them to the stores in Canada.

00:30:18.000 So it was all through the government and legit and stuff, and that was pretty trippy.

00:30:22.000 Yeah.

00:30:23.000 Just walking through a warehouse of...

00:30:25.000 Yeah.

00:30:26.000 Heaven.

00:30:26.000 All humidity controlled.

00:30:28.000 Oh, perfect.

00:30:29.000 It's interesting how they have to do that, right?

00:30:31.000 They have to keep the cigars at a certain level of humidity.

00:30:34.000 But once they do that, they last forever.

00:30:37.000 Yeah.

00:30:37.000 And you can bring them back, too.

00:30:39.000 If this is dry and you have...

00:30:41.000 You can bring them back, apparently, a couple times.

00:30:44.000 Is that it?

00:30:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:45.000 After a while, they just turn to shit. 1.00

00:30:47.000 Oh, really? 1.00

00:30:47.000 You got to be careful of mold, too. 1.00

00:30:49.000 They can get mold.

00:30:49.000 Where do you smoke your cigars?

00:30:51.000 Where the fuck I want? 1.00

00:30:52.000 In your house? 1.00

00:30:53.000 I'm a man.

00:30:53.000 No.

00:30:54.000 I do whatever the fuck I want. 1.00

00:30:55.000 You're lying. 1.00

00:30:56.000 No.

00:30:56.000 Outside.

00:30:57.000 I gotta go outside.

00:30:58.000 I could do it in my office if I open up the window.

00:31:01.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:31:02.000 And I have to have some fucking sophisticated methods of ventilation. 0.97

00:31:06.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:31:07.000 What's that smell?

00:31:08.000 They hate it.

00:31:09.000 What's that smell?

00:31:10.000 God, do they hate it.

00:31:11.000 Oh my God.

00:31:12.000 Or if you just come home and it's just still on your clothes.

00:31:16.000 If I had sons, I'd be like, come on in here.

00:31:17.000 Daddy's going to show you what to do.

00:31:19.000 I know.

00:31:19.000 I'm going to show you what to do.

00:31:22.000 It really repels every female for miles. 1.00

00:31:25.000 Well, girls who don't get repelled by it, I do not trust. 0.99

00:31:29.000 How about that?

00:31:30.000 That's a good point. 1.00

00:31:31.000 Those fucking scandalous bitches out there smoking cigars. 1.00

00:31:34.000 The ones who smoke them? 1.00

00:31:35.000 Yes! 1.00

00:31:36.000 Yeah, those girls are fucking dangerous. 1.00

00:31:38.000 They're dirty. 1.00

00:31:38.000 Those girls will shoot you. 1.00

00:31:40.000 She's got a gun in her pussy. 1.00

00:31:42.000 It's true. 1.00

00:31:43.000 You don't trust them at all.

00:31:46.000 Oh, one of those.

00:31:48.000 Oh, she's one of the guys.

00:31:49.000 Yeah.

00:31:50.000 I'm coming over for the Super Bowl.

00:31:51.000 I'm one of the guys.

00:31:52.000 Right.

00:31:52.000 She loves sports, too.

00:31:53.000 Come on.

00:31:54.000 I don't even have any female friends.

00:31:55.000 Whoa.

00:31:56.000 When you meet a girl who doesn't have any female friends, yikes. 1.00

00:31:59.000 Yeah.

00:32:00.000 That's like a guy who doesn't have any guy friends.

00:32:02.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:32:02.000 Ladies, if you have a friend who's a guy and he doesn't have any guy friends, that guy's gay. 0.98

00:32:07.000 That's the only explanation. 0.97

00:32:09.000 That's right.

00:32:10.000 It's the only explanation. 1.00

00:32:11.000 Or he's a fucking psycho. 1.00

00:32:12.000 Yeah, he's a psycho. 1.00

00:32:13.000 Yeah, what kind of a man doesn't have any man friends? 1.00

00:32:15.000 Sociopath.

00:32:16.000 Right.

00:32:16.000 I like hanging out with women.

00:32:17.000 I just like being with the girls.

00:32:19.000 Women are real. 1.00

00:32:20.000 They're more real. 1.00

00:32:21.000 Plus, they talk about shit I'm interested in. 0.99

00:32:23.000 Like shoes. 0.99

00:32:24.000 What they're really saying is I can fool them. 1.00

00:32:26.000 Guys know I'm full of shit. 1.00

00:32:28.000 Yes. 1.00

00:32:28.000 There's definitely that. 1.00

00:32:29.000 Yeah.

00:32:30.000 Yeah.

00:32:30.000 Male feminists.

00:32:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:32.000 Bead-wearing assholes. 1.00

00:32:34.000 Fucking namaste. 1.00

00:32:35.000 Say that again. 1.00

00:32:36.000 Say it again! 0.73

00:32:37.000 I'm on your side.

00:32:38.000 Yeah.

00:32:39.000 I'm different, ladies.

00:32:40.000 You know, a lot of men are just rude.

00:32:45.000 It's the guy in college with the acoustic guitar. 1.00

00:32:47.000 The fucking animal house scene. 0.99

00:32:49.000 Yeah, right, exactly. 1.00

00:32:51.000 That was one of the great scenes in unmasking that fucking fake, pseudo-sensitive, artistic behavior. 1.00

00:33:00.000 Which, by the way, ladies, is just for pussy. 1.00

00:33:03.000 If we were all camping together, that guy would not break out that guitar. 1.00

00:33:06.000 It wouldn't happen.

00:33:08.000 It happens because girls are around and he wants to appear to be soothing and sensitive and...

00:33:14.000 It's the same as a male yoga teacher.

00:33:16.000 Maybe.

00:33:17.000 Yeah.

00:33:17.000 Maybe.

00:33:18.000 I don't know, man.

00:33:18.000 That Bikram guy with his little diaper on?

00:33:20.000 Oh, that guy.

00:33:21.000 The Bikram, Bikram guy? 1.00

00:33:23.000 He was having sex with everybody. 1.00

00:33:24.000 Well, even better than that, he had a fucking warehouse filled with like Ferraris and shit. 1.00

00:33:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:33:29.000 And they busted him and he said that this was for, he was going to start an education program for children on automotive engineering. 0.99

00:33:37.000 Yeah.

00:33:39.000 It was the Bikram Automotive Engineering Center.

00:33:41.000 I'm not bullshitting.

00:33:42.000 He just got caught with this.

00:33:44.000 That's hilarious. 0.99

00:33:45.000 And they just, he had to pay, or he just got judgment against him for millions of dollars for sexual harassment and fucking with people. 0.99

00:33:56.000 Yeah, he was banging all of them. 0.99

00:33:58.000 Well, it's not just banging, because if you're banging all of them, they can't get money from you if you're banging them.

00:34:03.000 You have to be rude.

00:34:04.000 But he was pretty...

00:34:05.000 You gotta be rude about it. 0.60

00:34:06.000 You know, if they like you and you're having sex, you know, like, I want some money. 0.99

00:34:10.000 Well, did you like having sex with them? 0.99

00:34:13.000 Yeah, but I feel like I should be getting paid. 0.99

00:34:14.000 Yeah.

00:34:15.000 Yoga Mughal Bikram Shodri must pay almost 6.5 million in punitive damages.

00:34:24.000 There's a photo of him in the yoga place that I go to.

00:34:27.000 He's sitting there in the lotus position on a tiger body.

00:34:32.000 Like a skinned tiger with the head.

00:34:35.000 Like a rug?

00:34:36.000 See if you can find it, yeah.

00:34:37.000 There's a tiger rug. 0.99

00:34:39.000 It's so retarded. 1.00

00:34:40.000 He's always in that diaper. 1.00

00:34:41.000 But what kind of Mick signal you send him, motherfucker? 1.00

00:34:43.000 You murdering animals? 1.00

00:34:45.000 You don't even eat tigers.

00:34:46.000 You know, this isn't like, you know what I'm saying?

00:34:49.000 It's not like, you know, you ate an elk and you have the horns there. 1.00

00:34:52.000 No, you don't eat fucking tigers. 0.99

00:34:54.000 Like, what are you doing, man? 1.00

00:34:56.000 Why do you have a skinned tiger?

00:34:57.000 Are you a tiger?

00:34:58.000 There's the photo.

00:34:59.000 By the way, it's not just one of them, because that's a different one than the one that's in my yoga studio.

00:35:04.000 Oh, that hair.

00:35:05.000 The hair is more offensive than the tiger.

00:35:07.000 Well, he was going bald, so what he did was just grow it long on the outside.

00:35:11.000 He did the Ben Franklin.

00:35:12.000 I'll admit I've thought of it.

00:35:14.000 Here's the thing about those classes, man.

00:35:16.000 There's something about yoga classes that are almost inherently sexual.

00:35:21.000 Yes, it is sensual.

00:35:22.000 It's wet, it's hot, everyone's in their underwear.

00:35:25.000 It's definitely that one.

00:35:27.000 Yeah, that shot.

00:35:28.000 Look at all those girls. 1.00

00:35:30.000 Look at him and his little fucking speedos. 1.00

00:35:31.000 And then he brings him in and he's like, you can be a teacher and he wins. 1.00

00:35:34.000 It's a cult.

00:35:35.000 That's the danger of it. 1.00

00:35:36.000 He really gets devout followers and then has sex with him on a tiger rug. 0.83

00:35:41.000 Well, it seems like no matter what, if there's one person that's some sort of charismatic leader like that and then they're doing something spiritual like yoga, someone's going to run a cult. 0.84

00:35:53.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:35:54.000 Not all of them.

00:35:55.000 It's powerful.

00:35:56.000 Yeah, not all of them.

00:35:57.000 I go to a good place.

00:35:59.000 I go to this place in Agora, and the lady who runs it is fantastic. 0.96

00:36:02.000 The group is fantastic.

00:36:03.000 I mean, it's a great place.

00:36:04.000 But it's a Bikram place. 0.99

00:36:06.000 And I was asking her, and I was like, hey, Rachel, this guy, this Bikram guy is a little fucking shady. 0.97

00:36:12.000 What's the deal? 0.97

00:36:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:14.000 They say that he's a very good teacher, but he's an asshole. 1.00

00:36:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:17.000 That's how everybody looks at it. 1.00

00:36:19.000 I'm like...

00:36:20.000 I totally get it.

00:36:23.000 I mean, you're surrounded by all these beautiful women in these sweaty scenarios. 1.00

00:36:27.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:36:28.000 And they want to fuck you, too. 1.00

00:36:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:30.000 They want to fuck him. 1.00

00:36:31.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:36:32.000 They're tired of their husband. 1.00

00:36:33.000 He's boring.

00:36:34.000 This guy's spiritual.

00:36:35.000 Namaste.

00:36:36.000 I go to this great place in Sherman Oaks called Black Dog Yoga.

00:36:41.000 Oh, okay.

00:36:41.000 I heard of that place.

00:36:42.000 It's really good.

00:36:43.000 And I've fallen in love with a couple teachers there.

00:36:47.000 No joke.

00:36:48.000 And...

00:36:48.000 Of course you have.

00:36:49.000 There's a couple classes that are like...

00:36:51.000 What are their names?

00:36:52.000 There's a couple classes that they know.

00:36:54.000 There's a couple classes that are like right after you drop your kids off at school, like a nine o'clock start, where it's not like the six o'clock, seven o'clock at night, young, hard body going at...

00:37:07.000 Yes.

00:37:07.000 You know, they're moms, they've got a couple kids, or they're even older.

00:37:11.000 It's not like you're saying, okay, I'm going to do a photo shoot in here for whatever magazine.

00:37:15.000 You know what I mean?

00:37:16.000 It's just regular looking people.

00:37:19.000 You go to that class for a couple months and you start seeing the same people over and over again, everybody starts looking really attractive.

00:37:27.000 It is a sensual practice.

00:37:30.000 There's a thing to it.

00:37:31.000 It's hot and wet.

00:37:32.000 It's hot and wet and everyone's naked.

00:37:35.000 I keep my shirt on.

00:37:36.000 Do you?

00:37:37.000 How dare you?

00:37:37.000 Are you scared?

00:37:39.000 I'm not scared.

00:37:40.000 I feel like as a guy, it's 90% women, you should kind of just try and be invisible in a yoga class. 1.00

00:37:47.000 Get the outside row, keep your clothes on.

00:37:51.000 This is really their thing and you're kind of visiting.

00:37:53.000 It's their thing.

00:37:54.000 Yeah.

00:37:54.000 But the guy invented it.

00:37:56.000 He didn't really invent it, by the way.

00:37:58.000 No, he just took yoga and made it sweaty.

00:38:02.000 Well, no, he just put a bunch of poses in a sequence, and he tried to copyright that sequence, but he was turned down.

00:38:08.000 So there's people that he was suing.

00:38:10.000 He's a very sue-happy person.

00:38:12.000 So if someone, say, allegedly, I should say, allegedly is a sue-happy person.

00:38:17.000 So if somebody, I don't want to sue me, get it?

00:38:20.000 If you were one of his disciples, you started your own school, and you had his own program, and then you said, you know what? 0.96

00:38:26.000 This guy's kind of a douche.

00:38:28.000 I don't want to pay him money anymore. 0.96

00:38:29.000 I'm just going to go off and just call it Tom Papa's Yoga, you would get sued.

00:38:35.000 Really?

00:38:35.000 Yeah, but even though he didn't invent any of those poses...

00:38:38.000 So he gets a piece of every Bikram around the world? 0.68

00:38:40.000 Yes.

00:38:40.000 That's where he's making all that money?

00:38:41.000 That's where he's got all that loot.

00:38:42.000 And he was trying to say that the sequences in order, the way that he's putting them together, have some sort of an extra powerful property to him, and that that was his patent.

00:38:56.000 Check on that, because I believe that was turned down.

00:38:59.000 Yeah.

00:39:00.000 I believe it was turned down.

00:39:01.000 But he still made all that dough.

00:39:02.000 Yes. 1.00

00:39:02.000 He made a lot of fucking money. 1.00

00:39:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:05.000 And probably still makes a lot of fucking money. 0.99

00:39:08.000 I bet the 6.5 is not going to make him flinch. 0.99

00:39:11.000 I'm sure he's got that and cars just laying around.

00:39:15.000 I mean, you know, you go once in a while, it's 10 bucks a class.

00:39:18.000 How are you making that much bank?

00:39:20.000 Well, if you have thousands of schools all over the country, all over the world, really, and each one of them pays you, you know, whatever, 500 bucks a month, kapow! 0.81

00:39:31.000 Ha ha! 0.86

00:39:32.000 That's where it comes from.

00:39:35.000 So, here it goes.

00:39:37.000 The court affirmed that although Bikram had copyright protection in his published book on the sequence, he could not thereby invoke copyright to stop others from using the sequences described in his book.

00:39:49.000 Yeah, see, that's like someone teaching jujitsu and saying you can't teach those moves.

00:39:57.000 Right.

00:39:58.000 Jujitsu's been around for so long.

00:40:00.000 Exactly.

00:40:01.000 You could never do that.

00:40:02.000 Yeah, this guy was born in the 60s.

00:40:03.000 Yeah.

00:40:04.000 You know what I mean?

00:40:05.000 Exactly.

00:40:05.000 Who are you to take over yoga?

00:40:07.000 Fucking thousands of years old. 1.00

00:40:09.000 The balls. 1.00

00:40:09.000 The balls on this guy, literally. 1.00

00:40:11.000 All tucked away in that little grape smuggler that he wears. 0.98

00:40:16.000 There was a guy in my class that used to go there for a while who used to wear the grape smuggler.

00:40:20.000 Yeah.

00:40:20.000 He was very Sat Nam.

00:40:22.000 He was very Namaste. 1.00

00:40:24.000 No.

00:40:25.000 He had a man bun, too.

00:40:26.000 Yeah. 0.94

00:40:26.000 Grape smugglers and a man bun, I want to beat you up in the parking lot. 0.94

00:40:29.000 Totally. 0.99

00:40:30.000 Totally!

00:40:31.000 And I think the other women look at you over there in your Nike workout stuff and they're like, alright, he's fine.

00:40:36.000 They think so?

00:40:37.000 Yeah, they're like, thank you for not doing that.

00:40:39.000 I hope so.

00:40:40.000 I hope so.

00:40:41.000 I don't know.

00:40:42.000 The place I go to is very nice.

00:40:43.000 Very nice people.

00:40:45.000 Yeah.

00:40:45.000 But again, it's great.

00:40:47.000 It's not like the hot, young, hard body.

00:40:49.000 I'm probably the best looking girl in the class.

00:40:52.000 How rude.

00:40:53.000 That was a joke.

00:40:53.000 Couldn't help it.

00:40:54.000 It's not true either.

00:40:55.000 There's some cute ones.

00:40:56.000 But the point being, that's not what it is.

00:40:59.000 But there is a sexual vibe.

00:41:01.000 I mean, you're just there to do yoga, but there is that kind of thing.

00:41:05.000 Which is why I'm not too big a fan of the classes that team you up.

00:41:09.000 Where they want you to partner up for this thing.

00:41:12.000 Yeah, you ever have that?

00:41:13.000 No.

00:41:13.000 Oh, like you stretch you out?

00:41:15.000 Yeah, they're like, get a partner, get a happy baby with your legs behind you.

00:41:18.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:41:19.000 Your partner push down on you.

00:41:20.000 And you fart.

00:41:21.000 You know.

00:41:22.000 You fart on this lady. 1.00

00:41:23.000 That's what happens. 0.98

00:41:25.000 That'd be actually the smart move.

00:41:27.000 As a married man, that would be the smart move.

00:41:29.000 How much porn takes place in a yoga studio where the yoga teacher says, I would like to review some poses with you after class just to give you some tips?

00:41:40.000 Let's just be as politically correct about this as possible.

00:41:43.000 If you were single and the person actually was into you and this all went down, according to this, that would be the greatest fantasy ever. 0.99

00:41:55.000 Like, you're in that hot yoga class, all hot and sweaty, and afterwards the teacher wants to fuck. 1.00

00:42:00.000 Whoa! 1.00

00:42:01.000 Goddamn! 0.99

00:42:02.000 She's like, Tom, I just really feel like your practice could aid with just a little private one-on-one instruction. 0.99

00:42:08.000 Yes.

00:42:08.000 And you'd be like, sure.

00:42:09.000 Sure.

00:42:10.000 But first, we're going to start with a foot massage.

00:42:11.000 Um, okay.

00:42:13.000 Just lie on your back.

00:42:14.000 Um, all right.

00:42:15.000 Oh, okay.

00:42:16.000 And then she's rubbing your feet and lifting your legs. 0.91

00:42:18.000 I'm just going to stretch your legs out. 0.99

00:42:19.000 And she's rubbing the inside of your thighs. 1.00

00:42:23.000 And you start moaning. 0.96

00:42:24.000 And she moans back. 0.52

00:42:25.000 And the next thing you know, it's on, Tom Papa!

00:42:29.000 Namaste.

00:42:30.000 Namaste.

00:42:32.000 I had a massage at the Bacara Resort in Santa Barbara. 1.00

00:42:36.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:42:37.000 And the lady got up on the table, like straddled me on the table at one point. 1.00

00:42:44.000 And it just, you know, I'm always thinking, is it going to go someplace else?

00:42:48.000 It didn't.

00:42:49.000 But when I came back to the room and told my wife what had happened, she was horrified.

00:42:54.000 She angry?

00:42:55.000 She was like, that does not happen.

00:42:58.000 Ever.

00:42:59.000 She was obviously doing something.

00:43:01.000 I'm like, she wasn't.

00:43:04.000 Well, if you get Thai massage, they do it all the time.

00:43:07.000 They jump up on top of you?

00:43:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:43:08.000 They climb on you.

00:43:09.000 This lady I go to, this bitch fucks me up. 1.00

00:43:12.000 And I say, bitch, she's a very nice lady. 1.00

00:43:13.000 I shouldn't say, bitch. 1.00

00:43:16.000 She's probably in her at least late 50s, maybe early 60s. 0.99

00:43:20.000 And she's from Thailand.

00:43:22.000 Very nice lady.

00:43:23.000 And she climbs on my back. 1.00

00:43:25.000 She pulls my arms up.

00:43:27.000 And she's stomping on me. 1.00

00:43:29.000 Like, she stomps the shit out of me. 1.00

00:43:31.000 She fucking, she gets her knee in my back. 1.00

00:43:33.000 Really? 1.00

00:43:34.000 And grinds into elbows, feet.

00:43:36.000 This wasn't that.

00:43:37.000 Well, she's always asked me, you okay?

00:43:39.000 This okay?

00:43:40.000 I'm like, just go crazy.

00:43:42.000 I'm fine. 0.61

00:43:42.000 Just do it. 0.61

00:43:43.000 It's not gonna hurt me. 0.96

00:43:43.000 Just go get nutty. 0.96

00:43:45.000 Do everything you feel like you need to do.

00:43:47.000 You're very tired.

00:43:48.000 Very tired of this air. 0.99

00:43:49.000 And then she just fucking climbs on top of that table and just jacks me. 1.00

00:43:52.000 Like, ah! 1.00

00:43:55.000 There's a lot of comedians in New York who get the massage lady to come over to their house to jack them. 1.00

00:44:01.000 Yes, you're talking about Jim Norton.

00:44:03.000 You don't have to say a lot of comedians.

00:44:05.000 You can just say Jim Norton.

00:44:06.000 Jim Norton and the outer electrons that spawn from Jimmy.

00:44:09.000 And the other guys who go, you could do that?

00:44:11.000 Right.

00:44:13.000 And the other ones who get the number from Jim.

00:44:15.000 Yeah, that doesn't seem smart to me.

00:44:17.000 I talked to Jim about it, and he's like, yeah, but I had more of my house.

00:44:20.000 I have a security building.

00:44:22.000 They can't get inside.

00:44:23.000 I go, but they know where you live now.

00:44:25.000 Like, what if they develop some bizarre fixation on you from the radio show, and then meet you after, you know, John Lennon-style outside your door?

00:44:33.000 I don't think there's any part of that scenario that he doesn't like.

00:44:36.000 Love it! 1.00

00:44:37.000 Shoot me, pussy! 1.00

00:44:39.000 I think also, you know, you're dipping into the world of people who get paid for sex. 1.00

00:44:46.000 And it's not necessarily a bad world.

00:44:49.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

00:44:50.000 No, it's a necessary world for some people. 0.98

00:44:52.000 Well, there's nothing wrong with jerking someone off. 1.00

00:44:55.000 It's like, why is it okay to rub someone's back, but it's not okay to rub their dick? 1.00

00:44:58.000 You tell me. 1.00

00:44:59.000 It doesn't make any sense. 0.99

00:45:00.000 It's foolishness. 0.89

00:45:01.000 Right.

00:45:02.000 You know, the only thing, I mean, I guess the possible threat of disease is, but as long as you know proper gun control, you know, to aim that thing away from you, you know, always make sure you point in a safe distance and keep the safety on, you're fine.

00:45:15.000 And stand at least an inch and a half away.

00:45:17.000 Yeah, don't put it near your eyes.

00:45:19.000 You know, don't open your eyes up.

00:45:20.000 I don't know if it's clogged in there, Mr. Norton.

00:45:24.000 Ah!

00:45:26.000 I've never been to one of those places where you know it's going to happen.

00:45:30.000 I've never been to a place where it's never happened.

00:45:32.000 You need to talk to Brian Redman.

00:45:33.000 He'll hook you up.

00:45:34.000 But you kind of hope.

00:45:35.000 You never want to go to the point of actually going there, but you go to the straight place at a nice resort and stuff, and it's always in the back of your mind, like, maybe...

00:45:44.000 Yeah, I've never had a place do it, but I have gone to a place where one of the guys that works there got busted because he was blowing all the dudes that would come in there.

00:45:56.000 They figured out that these gay guys, flamboyantly gay guys, were coming to this one guy, and they would be super excited to see him, like a little too excited. 0.74

00:46:06.000 Right. 0.83

00:46:07.000 And he had this little thing going on. 1.00

00:46:09.000 Where he would have these guys show up, and he would give them a half-decent massage, suck their dick, and then get out of there fucking giddy. 1.00

00:46:17.000 Get a big tip. 1.00

00:46:18.000 The problem with those flamboyant gay guys is they're very vocal. 1.00

00:46:22.000 They like to talk about shit. 1.00

00:46:23.000 Right. 1.00

00:46:24.000 That was the best massage ever.

00:46:26.000 I'm sure they had a nickname for them and for the place.

00:46:30.000 Well, I guess the word got out.

00:46:33.000 Yeah.

00:46:34.000 But to think that I was getting a legitimate massage just a few doors over...

00:46:38.000 Wasn't there a movie star that got in trouble?

00:46:45.000 For trying to...

00:46:46.000 John Travolta.

00:46:47.000 Sexual advancing.

00:46:48.000 Right.

00:46:48.000 John Travolta did it a bunch of times.

00:46:50.000 Right.

00:46:51.000 Travolta. 0.99

00:46:51.000 Yeah, he would get massages and he would back his ass up into their hands. 0.99

00:46:55.000 In a legit place. 0.99

00:46:55.000 Yes. 0.99

00:46:56.000 Back your ass up into their hands. 1.00

00:46:58.000 What's going on over there? 1.00

00:47:00.000 Oh, that's a good...

00:47:01.000 Oh, I'm so sore there.

00:47:02.000 Great tents in that area.

00:47:04.000 Open it up.

00:47:06.000 I'm going to get in there.

00:47:07.000 Where's my keys?

00:47:09.000 Look for my phone.

00:47:09.000 I might be in there.

00:47:11.000 Did you see him in OJ? I've met him.

00:47:13.000 No, in the OJ show?

00:47:15.000 No.

00:47:16.000 Oh, the new show?

00:47:17.000 The new OJ? On FX. No.

00:47:18.000 Just started last week.

00:47:19.000 Oh, come on. 0.87

00:47:20.000 It's so good.

00:47:21.000 Is it?

00:47:22.000 In the worst way?

00:47:23.000 No.

00:47:24.000 Like, it's good?

00:47:25.000 It's good.

00:47:25.000 Like a good show?

00:47:26.000 It's gonna be...

00:47:27.000 It's a 10-part series, I think.

00:47:29.000 It's actually good?

00:47:30.000 OJ versus... 0.96

00:47:31.000 The People versus OJ? Legit good.

00:47:33.000 Oh, I thought you were saying it's good like it's retarded and I should watch it because it's bad. 1.00

00:47:38.000 No.

00:47:38.000 And Travolta plays...

00:47:40.000 Kardashian?

00:47:41.000 No.

00:47:42.000 Robert Shapiro.

00:47:43.000 Robert Shapiro.

00:47:44.000 Did they shave his head?

00:47:45.000 Creepy, cool...

00:47:47.000 That's Shapiro?

00:47:48.000 Wasn't Shapiro a bald guy?

00:47:50.000 He's kind of flamboyant.

00:47:51.000 Oh, I'm confusing Robert Shapiro with F. Lee Bailey.

00:47:56.000 I'm telling you Joe this this thing is you think like you're you're tapped out on OJ like why would I mmm one episode and you're like oh man this is gonna be John Travolta has a good wonderful wig He does.

00:48:09.000 I mean, that is just...

00:48:10.000 Get in close on that hairline, Jamie.

00:48:12.000 That is impeccable.

00:48:14.000 That is really nice. 1.00

00:48:15.000 This poor bastard... 0.99

00:48:16.000 I was at a store the other day, and this poor bastard in front of me had one of the worst wigs I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

00:48:21.000 Really? 0.98

00:48:22.000 I just want to say to him, yeah.

00:48:22.000 Full-on wig?

00:48:23.000 It was ridiculous. 0.99

00:48:25.000 It was just ridiculous. 0.61

00:48:27.000 2016 wig. 0.85

00:48:28.000 Oh, my God.

00:48:29.000 Have you seen Mickey Rourke?

00:48:30.000 No.

00:48:31.000 Oh, God.

00:48:33.000 That's perfect. 1.00

00:48:34.000 Look at that fucking hairline. 1.00

00:48:35.000 It's incredible. 1.00

00:48:36.000 It's on again tonight.

00:48:38.000 Okay.

00:48:39.000 You'll like it.

00:48:40.000 Okay. 0.83

00:48:41.000 You can definitely see him trying to put his rump in a massage therapist's hands.

00:48:45.000 You can see it?

00:48:46.000 Yeah.

00:48:46.000 He seems fairly gay while he's doing this?

00:48:48.000 Yeah.

00:48:49.000 Really?

00:48:50.000 Yes, he's playing this very erudite...

00:48:54.000 Yeah.

00:48:55.000 Good.

00:48:56.000 Good?

00:48:57.000 Really?

00:48:57.000 Really good.

00:48:58.000 Okay.

00:48:59.000 Dude, I'm on episode eight of Narcos.

00:49:04.000 There's only ten.

00:49:05.000 I finished episode eight last night, and I'm depressed that there's two left.

00:49:09.000 Really?

00:49:09.000 That good?

00:49:10.000 Oh, it's so good.

00:49:11.000 Wow.

00:49:11.000 It's so good.

00:49:12.000 Pablo Escobar was a motherfucker. 1.00

00:49:16.000 Fucker! 1.00

00:49:16.000 Really? 1.00

00:49:17.000 He built his own fucking jail. 1.00

00:49:20.000 He turned himself into his own jail. 1.00

00:49:23.000 He built his own...

00:49:24.000 He made a deal with the government, with the Colombian government, where he would admit to...

00:49:28.000 This is all historic...

00:49:29.000 You said spoiler alert! 1.00

00:49:30.000 This is the historical facts, fucks. 0.99

00:49:33.000 Taken from Wikipedia. 0.96

00:49:34.000 I actually knew about this in advance, but I just didn't know how they were going to play it out on the show, but they did a fantastic job on the show. 0.58

00:49:40.000 But he turned himself, I mean, he was a fucking major league drug dealer, the greatest drug dealer of all time next to El Chapo. 0.96

00:49:48.000 El Chapo's apparently even a bigger deal than him. 0.99

00:49:51.000 Really?

00:49:51.000 But he made it so that he would only get charged with one count of smuggling drugs.

00:49:58.000 And even then he wanted to bargain that down to a lesser charge.

00:50:02.000 Right.

00:50:02.000 He built his own super powerful luxury prison.

00:50:06.000 Right.

00:50:07.000 Had his own guards guard him in this super powerful luxury prison.

00:50:12.000 Jeez.

00:50:12.000 Yeah, and that's where I'm at.

00:50:14.000 Where is this?

00:50:14.000 In Colombia.

00:50:15.000 In Colombia.

00:50:16.000 Yeah.

00:50:16.000 So the government, they had him.

00:50:18.000 Oh, well, he killed everybody. 0.70

00:50:19.000 But they had him nailed.

00:50:20.000 Yeah.

00:50:21.000 And he's like...

00:50:22.000 They didn't even have him nailed.

00:50:23.000 He turned himself in.

00:50:24.000 He was just killing everybody.

00:50:25.000 Really? 0.76

00:50:26.000 Oh, he killed everybody.

00:50:27.000 He blew up planes. 0.51

00:50:28.000 Just killed everybody.

00:50:29.000 Jeez. 0.94

00:50:29.000 He just killed thousands of people. 0.94

00:50:31.000 Oh, my God.

00:50:32.000 I mean, he had all these...

00:50:34.000 Sicario is apparently...

00:50:36.000 That's what they call a hitman in Spanish. 0.99

00:50:38.000 He just had all these hitmen just killing cops, killing everybody, killing judges. 0.82

00:50:42.000 They even had all this evidence about him dealing drugs. 0.71

00:50:46.000 So he hired this...

00:50:48.000 Like, um, a communist sort of revolutionary group to overtake the government building where his data was being held and blew it up.

00:50:59.000 Lit it on fire.

00:51:00.000 Oh my god.

00:51:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:01.000 Lit up all his fucking evidence. 1.00

00:51:03.000 I mean, he took over a fucking government building. 1.00

00:51:05.000 Holy cow. 1.00

00:51:06.000 A courthouse.

00:51:06.000 It was insane.

00:51:07.000 It's an insane story.

00:51:09.000 Is he still alive? 1.00

00:51:09.000 No, he's dead as fuck. 1.00

00:51:10.000 He's dead? 1.00

00:51:11.000 Yeah.

00:51:11.000 How'd they get him?

00:51:12.000 Um, we're gonna have to watch the show.

00:51:14.000 Oh, I'm watching OJ! Okay.

00:51:16.000 I believe it was a shootout, if I remember correctly.

00:51:19.000 From a rival gang or the government?

00:51:20.000 No, I think the government shot him.

00:51:22.000 Wow.

00:51:22.000 Who shot him, Jamie?

00:51:24.000 Pablo was earning so much each year, they would write off 10% of the money because the rats would eat it in storage or it would be damaged by water and lost.

00:51:36.000 My God.

00:51:36.000 That would be about $2.1 billion.

00:51:39.000 So $2.1 billion.

00:51:40.000 Per month.

00:51:41.000 Per month was what the rats...

00:51:44.000 No, it says ear.

00:51:45.000 It says each ear.

00:51:46.000 This picture right above it said it was 2 billion per month.

00:51:50.000 Factored in a 2.1 billion loss in profits each month.

00:51:54.000 Well, scroll that down.

00:51:55.000 Loss.

00:51:55.000 The loss was 2 billion.

00:51:56.000 But it says it was earned so much each year, he'd write off 10%.

00:51:59.000 That would be 2.1 billion.

00:52:01.000 10% per year.

00:52:02.000 Right.

00:52:02.000 10% per year.

00:52:03.000 Jeez.

00:52:05.000 He was making 420 million a week.

00:52:09.000 Look at his face, too.

00:52:10.000 Look at him. 1.00

00:52:11.000 Happy fuck. 1.00

00:52:12.000 Happy dude. 1.00

00:52:13.000 Yes.

00:52:14.000 Happy dude.

00:52:15.000 So much money.

00:52:16.000 So much money.

00:52:19.000 I always wonder what these guys eat for dinner. 1.00

00:52:20.000 Whatever the fuck they want. 1.00

00:52:22.000 Babies. 1.00

00:52:24.000 What's he saying?

00:52:25.000 Chinese babies. 0.62

00:52:26.000 Around 6 o'clock at night.

00:52:28.000 Who was he talking to?

00:52:29.000 And what food shows up?

00:52:30.000 That picture did him in.

00:52:32.000 Because that was one of the earliest pictures of him getting arrested. 1.00

00:52:34.000 He got arrested and he was smiling at them like, you dumb fucks. 1.00

00:52:39.000 You're going to arrest me? 1.00

00:52:40.000 And then just wrecked havoc on the people that arrested him.

00:52:44.000 It was amazing, man.

00:52:46.000 Amazing.

00:52:47.000 So the show's great.

00:52:49.000 He once started a fire with two million dollars because his daughter was cold.

00:52:54.000 Yeah.

00:52:55.000 That's for real, man.

00:52:56.000 Wow.

00:52:57.000 He was gangster.

00:52:59.000 What years was this?

00:53:00.000 It looks like 80s, 90s.

00:53:01.000 The 80s. 1.00

00:53:01.000 This is the fucking cocaine years, man. 1.00

00:53:03.000 Right. 1.00

00:53:04.000 Is his son around?

00:53:05.000 His Scarface?

00:53:07.000 Wow.

00:53:08.000 His son, who's 38 years old, since changed his name, described what life was like on the run.

00:53:14.000 Sebastian Maniscalca.

00:53:16.000 It's Sebastian.

00:53:17.000 That makes sense!

00:53:19.000 Jesus!

00:53:20.000 Oh, he's ducking.

00:53:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:53:22.000 Fucking. 1.00

00:53:23.000 It's an unbelievable story, and it's so well done. 1.00

00:53:27.000 Really?

00:53:27.000 That show, Narcos.

00:53:28.000 Netflix is killing it.

00:53:30.000 I know.

00:53:30.000 They're so good right now.

00:53:32.000 So good.

00:53:32.000 House of Cards, that.

00:53:35.000 Making a Murderer.

00:53:36.000 Oh, I haven't seen that yet.

00:53:38.000 That one's pretty good.

00:53:38.000 I haven't seen any of these people tell me I have to see it.

00:53:41.000 People get mad at me because I haven't seen it.

00:53:44.000 You know, that one, around eight or nine, you're like, alright, let's wrap this up.

00:53:49.000 Oh, really?

00:53:50.000 Yeah.

00:53:52.000 You're kind of like pushing through one more set.

00:53:55.000 We can do this.

00:53:57.000 Why did I agree to a late show on Sunday?

00:53:59.000 Right, exactly. 0.99

00:54:01.000 At the funny fuck face in the middle of nowhere. 0.99

00:54:05.000 Did you see Soaked in Bleach? 0.99

00:54:07.000 No.

00:54:09.000 That is the documentary that was created with the help of the private investigator that Courtney Love hired, who actually believes that she had Kurt Cobain killed.

00:54:19.000 She hired the private investigator? 1.00

00:54:21.000 She hired the private investigator to find him during the time that he was missing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 0.97

00:54:26.000 But during his interactions with her, he believed her to be so deceptive and such a liar and such a manipulator.

00:54:32.000 And then the evidence that he presents, he believes, is enough to reopen the case.

00:54:37.000 He said they did a terrible job of examining the body.

00:54:40.000 They cremated him within six days.

00:54:44.000 The police called it a suicide, not an autopsy specialist, which is just not the way you do it.

00:54:49.000 And he said there's enough evidence to point to...

00:54:52.000 He, in his words, thinks that Courtney Love had Kurt Cobain killed for the money because he was leaving her.

00:54:58.000 Had him killed.

00:54:59.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:55:00.000 Or helped him. 0.56

00:55:02.000 Helped him kill himself. 0.96

00:55:03.000 Right.

00:55:03.000 They said that the amount of cocaine, or heroin rather, that was in his body was three times the lethal dose.

00:55:09.000 But of course, that means for me, a guy who's never done heroin.

00:55:14.000 Right.

00:55:14.000 But was it for him, a guy who did heroin all the time?

00:55:17.000 That other documentary with all the doodles moving around?

00:55:21.000 Did you see that one?

00:55:22.000 What's that one?

00:55:23.000 With all the doodles?

00:55:24.000 Yeah, they took all of his notebooks and animated it.

00:55:27.000 Oh, is that a montage of heck?

00:55:28.000 Yeah.

00:55:28.000 I haven't seen that one.

00:55:29.000 There's a couple of scenes where they show him blitzed out on heroin.

00:55:33.000 Oh, really?

00:55:34.000 It's a bad drug.

00:55:36.000 It's bad.

00:55:37.000 So bad.

00:55:38.000 I mean, just wasted.

00:55:40.000 With his kid, like his little kid is right there on her birthday, something like that.

00:55:44.000 Oh, that's sad.

00:55:45.000 So sad.

00:55:45.000 He's just, you know, in another planet.

00:55:49.000 Bad, bad drug.

00:55:50.000 I used to know a guy who had a serious heroin problem, but he was like a world-class pool player.

00:55:55.000 And he would get heroin-ed out, and then he'd play pool, and he wouldn't miss.

00:56:01.000 He had no nerves.

00:56:02.000 And he would be playing my friend George the Greek. 0.91

00:56:04.000 Not like the famous George the Greek, the racist guy. 0.82

00:56:06.000 Although this guy was probably racist, too.

00:56:08.000 Right?

00:56:09.000 Jimmy the Greek. 0.76

00:56:10.000 Jimmy the Greek, right. 1.00

00:56:12.000 My friend George the Greek, he would talk like this, this fucking cocksucker. 1.00

00:56:16.000 And George the Greek would be so mad because he would gamble with this guy. 1.00

00:56:19.000 And the guy's name was Water Dog.

00:56:20.000 They would call him either Buffalo Bill or Water Dog.

00:56:23.000 Those were his two nicknames.

00:56:24.000 Both cool names.

00:56:25.000 This guy used to go to the bathroom.

00:56:26.000 He would lock the door in the men's room at Executive Billiards in White Plains, New York.

00:56:30.000 He would go in there, lock the bathroom door, and then come out 10 years later to him.

00:56:36.000 But 10 minutes later, he would come out just whacked.

00:56:40.000 Walked out of his mind.

00:56:41.000 He would sit in a bar stool like this.

00:56:43.000 He would sit down, and he would have his arms on the rest, but his wrists would just hang there.

00:56:49.000 His hands would gently rest on his gut, and his hands would just sit there, and he would just zone out for another 20 minutes, and then he would get up.

00:56:59.000 And be good?

00:56:59.000 He would get up, and he had, like, shark eyes.

00:57:02.000 His eyes were, like, black, like his pupils were totally dilated.

00:57:05.000 And he would get up, and he would screw together his cue.

00:57:07.000 There's a photo of him.

00:57:08.000 You can find it online.

00:57:10.000 Buffalo Bill or Water Dog, Pool Player.

00:57:16.000 I forget his real name. 0.98

00:57:18.000 Anyway, he screwed together his cue, and he wouldn't fucking miss. 0.98

00:57:22.000 Really? 0.94

00:57:23.000 And they were playing on this table with these really tiny, tight pockets.

00:57:26.000 It was a gambler's table.

00:57:27.000 It was table one at Executive Billiards.

00:57:29.000 Right.

00:57:29.000 And they were playing for thousands of dollars.

00:57:31.000 And you know, that's a fucking lot of pressure. 0.98

00:57:34.000 This guy didn't feel a thing. 0.99

00:57:36.000 He was just dead on the inside, just gone from the air.

00:57:38.000 How long did he last?

00:57:39.000 He was good for hours.

00:57:41.000 Really?

00:57:41.000 Hours like that, yeah.

00:57:42.000 How many years?

00:57:43.000 Oh, he's dead.

00:57:44.000 He's dead now.

00:57:44.000 Yeah.

00:57:45.000 Yeah, he died a few years back.

00:57:47.000 Where were you doing shooting pool in White Plains?

00:57:48.000 That's where I used to live.

00:57:49.000 I used to live in New Rochelle.

00:57:51.000 Oh, really?

00:57:52.000 Yeah.

00:57:52.000 I got an apartment in New Rochelle because it was close to Executive Billiards in White Plains.

00:57:56.000 Really?

00:57:56.000 Yeah.

00:57:56.000 That was the place I hung out.

00:57:58.000 That's great.

00:57:59.000 I was there so often my manager thought that I had a problem.

00:58:03.000 He's like, are you taking pool more seriously than your career?

00:58:06.000 I'm like, God, I might be.

00:58:09.000 It was just so much fun.

00:58:10.000 The people that I hung out with were so fun.

00:58:13.000 Really?

00:58:13.000 Mount Vernon, Tommy, International Sal.

00:58:16.000 I hung out with a guy who was an international credit card smuggler.

00:58:20.000 He was the first.

00:58:21.000 Really?

00:58:22.000 His name was International Sal. 0.99

00:58:23.000 And International Sal, he was a gambler, but I use that word loosely because he was an incredible loser. 0.97

00:58:30.000 Right.

00:58:31.000 But he made so much money from all this credit card swindling that he would go into the pool hall.

00:58:38.000 This is before my time, before I met him. 0.97

00:58:40.000 I met him once he got out of jail, but he was still a loser. 0.92

00:58:42.000 He just couldn't win. 0.97

00:58:43.000 Right.

00:58:44.000 Psychologically, he had these blocks.

00:58:46.000 Yeah.

00:58:46.000 He would have a ball sitting in front of the hole.

00:58:49.000 It was for $1,000, and he'd just bobble it.

00:58:52.000 He could never win.

00:58:53.000 He'd never won.

00:58:54.000 Weird.

00:58:54.000 He never won.

00:58:54.000 It was just psychology.

00:58:56.000 That's a weird thing, isn't it?

00:58:57.000 It was crazy. 0.74

00:58:58.000 So, during the time where he was a swindler...

00:59:01.000 What he would do is this was the early days of credit cards.

00:59:03.000 This was like the 1980s.

00:59:05.000 Right.

00:59:05.000 American Express.

00:59:06.000 They would take these receipts that they would get them from stores.

00:59:10.000 Like say if they run your credit card on something.

00:59:12.000 Yeah, they get the carbons.

00:59:14.000 Right.

00:59:14.000 They would get those carbons and then they would make copies of the credit card.

00:59:18.000 They make another copy of the credit card.

00:59:20.000 Right. 1.00

00:59:20.000 And just fucking run up these crazy bills, buy all this shit and then sell the shit. 1.00

00:59:25.000 And so he would get money and they would come to the pool hall with just brown paper bags filled with $100 bills. 1.00

00:59:31.000 And people from all over the world would come to find him to play with him.

00:59:36.000 Really? 1.00

00:59:37.000 Yeah, because he was a loser. 1.00

00:59:38.000 Because he was a loser with tons and tons of cash. 0.99

00:59:40.000 Ah, so he would just lose all of it in his bets? 1.00

00:59:43.000 And I say he's a loser. 0.88

00:59:44.000 I don't mean like as a person. 0.94

00:59:45.000 He was a very nice guy. 0.99

00:59:46.000 But I mean like as a pool player, he was a loser.

00:59:50.000 And he wasn't a bad player either.

00:59:52.000 So like good enough to play, but the big games.

00:59:55.000 He was a decent player.

00:59:56.000 He psychologically was a beaten man.

00:59:59.000 He just could not do it.

01:00:01.000 Did he drink?

01:00:02.000 Nope.

01:00:03.000 No, I don't believe he did.

01:00:04.000 He died of cancer.

01:00:05.000 And it was an ugly one too.

01:00:07.000 My friend's mom was one of the nurses that was taking care of him.

01:00:11.000 And it was just...

01:00:12.000 It ended bad.

01:00:14.000 But they're all dead.

01:00:16.000 All those people that I knew back then.

01:00:17.000 Yeah, the guy who owned it.

01:00:19.000 Guy Azariti. 0.98

01:00:20.000 He was this fucking hilarious piano player. 0.97

01:00:23.000 He was a musician who wanted to invest his money, and he bought a pool hall. 0.97

01:00:26.000 And it just became this incredible hangout.

01:00:29.000 Because this guy, Guy Azariti, who owned it, was the nicest guy on the planet.

01:00:34.000 And everybody loved him.

01:00:35.000 So they would come and hang out at his pool hall, partially just to say hi and hang out with him.

01:00:40.000 And then he created this incredible environment.

01:00:42.000 It was all fun and laughs.

01:00:44.000 Did you know other comics there?

01:00:47.000 There was one, this guy John Tobin, who was a buddy of mine at the time.

01:00:51.000 He worked there.

01:00:52.000 He did a part-time gig there, like the counterman for a little bit.

01:00:57.000 But no, it was mostly just pool players.

01:00:59.000 Me and a bunch of pool players.

01:01:01.000 That's pretty cool. 0.61

01:01:02.000 Degenerates and weirdos. 0.99

01:01:03.000 That's pretty cool that you had the balls to just go hang out there with all these crackpots. 0.99

01:01:08.000 Well, I became addicted to pool. 0.98

01:01:10.000 Right.

01:01:10.000 And when I became addicted to pool, it was like that was my spot.

01:01:12.000 I was there every night.

01:01:13.000 And I knew a lot of the people that worked there and ran it.

01:01:17.000 And Guy, the owner, was a good friend of mine.

01:01:19.000 So we would be there oftentimes till the morning.

01:01:22.000 And then we'd get up, we'd go to the diner.

01:01:24.000 And this was, I was 24. 4, 20, somewhere around then.

01:01:28.000 So I had no job.

01:01:31.000 My job was to do jokes.

01:01:32.000 So I would do jokes at night.

01:01:35.000 Literally, I would get up, I'd go to the gym, I'd head over to the pool hall, I'd hang out, see what's going on.

01:01:41.000 Then I would go do my gig, and then I'd come back to the pool hall, and I'd stay there until the morning.

01:01:45.000 Where would you go gig?

01:01:47.000 Wherever.

01:01:47.000 Just in the city?

01:01:48.000 It was either in the city or...

01:01:50.000 A lot of the gigs that I did when I first moved to New York, I used to do...

01:01:53.000 I did Dangerfields.

01:01:55.000 I did the comic strip.

01:01:56.000 I did all those.

01:01:57.000 I did Catch.

01:01:58.000 That's when Catch was still there.

01:01:59.000 Catch the Rising Star was still there.

01:02:01.000 But I didn't like the fact that I only did 10 minutes and then it wasn't any money.

01:02:05.000 So I was doing a lot of Connecticut gigs with this guy, John Shuler.

01:02:08.000 Right.

01:02:09.000 Do you ever do those Connecticut gigs?

01:02:10.000 I don't...

01:02:11.000 No, I don't think so.

01:02:12.000 John Schuler.

01:02:12.000 He kept me paid.

01:02:13.000 That name's familiar.

01:02:14.000 Oh, it was great.

01:02:15.000 Great guy.

01:02:15.000 Yeah, he had a bunch of good gigs.

01:02:17.000 They were like solid Connecticut, like, you know, like hotel lounge gigs.

01:02:22.000 They would have a bar and we had a nice little stage.

01:02:25.000 But there was Jersey gigs.

01:02:26.000 I did a lot of those for this guy, Bob Gonzo.

01:02:28.000 Gonzo, yeah.

01:02:29.000 You know him?

01:02:30.000 Yeah, I think I did a couple out in Summit, New Jersey or something like that.

01:02:34.000 Yeah, the Shore.

01:02:35.000 I did those with him and I did with Otto and George.

01:02:39.000 We did a bunch of those out there.

01:02:41.000 And then I did Connecticut, Jersey, Long Island, did a lot of Long Island gigs, the brokerage, Governors.

01:02:50.000 But those gigs were better.

01:02:51.000 So the pool hall, though, is the thing that made you set up shop there?

01:02:54.000 Yeah.

01:02:55.000 Rather than going to the city.

01:02:57.000 Well, I couldn't afford the city.

01:02:58.000 I couldn't afford parking.

01:02:59.000 Right.

01:03:00.000 Because I knew that I needed a car.

01:03:02.000 I had a car and I wasn't going to get rid of it.

01:03:04.000 So I was like, okay, I can't afford an apartment.

01:03:07.000 Like apartments for people who are out of the country or out of the city.

01:03:12.000 New York City apartment rates are so insane that it doesn't make sense that anybody could afford to live there other than rich people.

01:03:20.000 And it's gotten so much worse from back then.

01:03:22.000 Way worse.

01:03:23.000 Way worse.

01:03:23.000 Back then you couldn't achieve it now.

01:03:25.000 Yeah.

01:03:25.000 Forget it.

01:03:26.000 Well, I was poor as fuck. 1.00

01:03:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:03:27.000 I mean, back then when I first moved there, I lived with my grandfather in North 9th Street in Newark, New Jersey. 0.99

01:03:32.000 Right.

01:03:32.000 Which was the ghetto.

01:03:34.000 Yeah.

01:03:35.000 Hardcore.

01:03:35.000 My grandfather bought it in the 1940s, when it was an all-Italian neighborhood, and then it became an all-black neighborhood, and then it became Puerto Rican, and then it became Dominican, and...

01:03:46.000 All the production left and all the jobs dried up.

01:03:51.000 Also, they did blockbusting where the real estate people would come door to door and they would say, hey, black people are moving in.

01:03:58.000 You've got to sell now, otherwise your property value is going to go through the floor.

01:04:02.000 And they would literally clean out whole blocks like that and sell them and people would sell their houses in a panic.

01:04:08.000 No.

01:04:09.000 Yeah.

01:04:09.000 Really?

01:04:10.000 Yeah, they did to my grandfather.

01:04:11.000 And he's like, I like black people. 1.00

01:04:13.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:04:14.000 Wow. 0.99

01:04:14.000 He just wouldn't move. 0.99

01:04:15.000 He stayed there to the end.

01:04:17.000 Yeah, it was crazy.

01:04:18.000 Yeah, there was a common tactic that they used to use.

01:04:22.000 Find a picture of that guy?

01:04:25.000 So dirty.

01:04:26.000 I had a couple people, and then I kind of started getting distracted.

01:04:29.000 Was it Mike Siegel?

01:04:30.000 No, no, no, no.

01:04:31.000 Mike Siegel's a famous world champion.

01:04:32.000 This guy's name was Buffalo Bill.

01:04:35.000 That is what they used to call him, pool player, gambler, or water dog.

01:04:39.000 But he was a weird-looking guy.

01:04:41.000 So did you know of the pool hall and then say, let me try and find a place near here, or it was the other way around?

01:04:46.000 No, I was living in New Jersey with my grandfather, trying to save up enough money to get an apartment.

01:04:50.000 And when I saved up enough money to get an apartment, I was taking a trek down to White Plains all the time because of my friend John and my friend Johnny B. Johnny B was actually a professional pool hustler.

01:05:03.000 He was one of my best friends.

01:05:05.000 Became one of my best friends around that same town.

01:05:08.000 But it was a special place, man.

01:05:09.000 I thought about almost writing a book about the adventures of being a part of that place because it was so fun.

01:05:16.000 I was just going to say, I think I've been in LA too long because the whole time you're like, this is a great movie or show.

01:05:21.000 Well, it was like a movie because it was like every night there was something going on there and we would run to get to that place.

01:05:28.000 I couldn't wait to get in there.

01:05:29.000 You'd get in the door and no one had a phone back then because there was a cell phone or a pay phone.

01:05:34.000 The pay phone, people would be on the phone all the time getting calls.

01:05:37.000 It would ring and people would call.

01:05:39.000 So cool.

01:05:39.000 No one had cell phones.

01:05:41.000 But people would come in from all over the country because that was a place that had gambling action.

01:05:45.000 So guys would come in from Canada.

01:05:47.000 Guys would come in from California.

01:05:49.000 A guy came in from...

01:05:50.000 They'd come in from all over the place.

01:05:52.000 And you're playing, but not at that level.

01:05:53.000 No, no, I wasn't good.

01:05:54.000 You're just playing like...

01:05:56.000 I was more of a spectator.

01:05:57.000 I was playing and I was playing in tournaments and stuff like that.

01:06:00.000 I got better over the couple of years that I lived there, but I was never at a level that these guys were at.

01:06:05.000 These were like real professional level players would go there.

01:06:08.000 And is it like any sport, like those guys just had something special or they just put more time in?

01:06:13.000 Time.

01:06:14.000 Yeah.

01:06:15.000 I think there's certain special things, like athleticism.

01:06:19.000 Like Karl Malone or Michael Jordan.

01:06:26.000 Fill in the blanks with some of the elite athletes.

01:06:29.000 Yeah, LeBron.

01:06:30.000 Yeah, LeBron James and you.

01:06:31.000 Myself.

01:06:32.000 You're a regular guy.

01:06:33.000 At yoga.

01:06:34.000 You're a regular guy.

01:06:35.000 He's not.

01:06:37.000 There's a giant advantage.

01:06:38.000 There's a giant advantage.

01:06:40.000 So he has that thing.

01:06:41.000 And then on top of that, I think when you get a guy like LeBron James, what you get is a guy who has this massive physical advantage and then dedication and then intelligence and then discipline.

01:06:52.000 And then you get a great one.

01:06:53.000 That's a once-in-a-lifetime athlete that comes along that has the whole package.

01:06:57.000 But with Poole, it's not like that because there's no physical strength aspect of it.

01:07:02.000 Long arms?

01:07:03.000 Nope.

01:07:03.000 Doesn't help at all.

01:07:04.000 Some of the best players in the world are really tiny guys.

01:07:06.000 Are they really?

01:07:07.000 Jose Perica.

01:07:07.000 Using the bridge?

01:07:08.000 Yeah.

01:07:09.000 Or they switch hands.

01:07:10.000 They play left-handed.

01:07:11.000 Right.

01:07:12.000 Jose Perica is one of the greatest players of all time.

01:07:14.000 He's like 5'1".

01:07:15.000 Oh, really?

01:07:16.000 Tiny little Filipino guy. 1.00

01:07:17.000 Yeah.

01:07:19.000 So it's just more dedication and time and playing.

01:07:22.000 Dedication, understanding of geometry, angles, understanding how the ball is going to reflect off other balls, how it's going to bounce off the rail, things along those lines.

01:07:31.000 So you got good though?

01:07:32.000 I got pretty good.

01:07:33.000 I never got real good.

01:07:34.000 I got good compared to regular people. 0.99

01:07:36.000 Regular people see me play, they're like, holy shit, he can play. 0.96

01:07:39.000 But a pool player would never be impressed. 0.99

01:07:41.000 No.

01:07:42.000 I'm okay.

01:07:43.000 What's that game with, I don't think there are pockets.

01:07:46.000 Three cushion billiards?

01:07:47.000 Is that what it is? 0.93

01:07:48.000 Three different balls.

01:07:50.000 You hit one ball and it has to go three cushions and then hit the other ball.

01:07:54.000 Right.

01:07:55.000 That's a weird game.

01:07:56.000 Yeah, that's a game that's really popular in South America, really popular in Korea.

01:08:00.000 In Koreatown, you can go to Koreatown, they have three cushion billiards places.

01:08:03.000 Oh, really?

01:08:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:08:06.000 Where was I? St. Lucia or someplace like that, and they had a table there, and no one knew what they were doing.

01:08:12.000 Yeah, we used to have one that they set up at Executive, and people from all these other countries, like a lot of Mexican players would come in, guys who worked in the area who were Latino or from Latin American countries.

01:08:28.000 They'd be so happy to find a table like that.

01:08:30.000 Really?

01:08:31.000 Yeah.

01:08:31.000 Isn't it weird how some games just can last centuries?

01:08:35.000 Yeah.

01:08:35.000 Like chess.

01:08:36.000 Mm-hmm.

01:08:36.000 Pool.

01:08:37.000 Yeah.

01:08:37.000 Bocce.

01:08:38.000 You know what I mean?

01:08:39.000 That there's something to...

01:08:41.000 They just got it right.

01:08:43.000 Yeah.

01:08:44.000 That it could last that long.

01:08:45.000 Chess is an amazing one.

01:08:46.000 Weird thing.

01:08:46.000 An amazing one in that regard, because there's never been a game that's really come along that's become any sort of a contender for the intellectual game.

01:08:56.000 Right.

01:08:56.000 That is the intellectual game.

01:08:57.000 That's it.

01:08:58.000 Yeah.

01:08:59.000 Yeah.

01:09:01.000 Battleship made a run at it.

01:09:02.000 No, it didn't.

01:09:04.000 You sank my Battleship!

01:09:07.000 B9! No, chess is sick.

01:09:09.000 It's also one game, it's one of the few games where you can tell people you play and they don't look at you like you're wasting your time.

01:09:15.000 You're right.

01:09:16.000 That's exactly right.

01:09:17.000 You're like, oh, okay.

01:09:18.000 Like, even pool.

01:09:19.000 I tell people I love to lay pool, they're like, well, what are you doing?

01:09:22.000 Right, exactly.

01:09:22.000 Get home to your family.

01:09:24.000 Right.

01:09:25.000 You tell people you're involved in a chess tournament, and you're like, wow, he's a dedicated intellectual that Tom Papa thinks.

01:09:34.000 It really is true.

01:09:36.000 Yeah.

01:09:36.000 I wish I knew more people who played chess.

01:09:39.000 I tried to get my daughters into it, but... 1.00

01:09:42.000 It's a cool thing to be able to do.

01:09:44.000 It is.

01:09:44.000 It's so engrossing.

01:09:45.000 It's very good for your mind.

01:09:47.000 Yeah.

01:09:48.000 There was a guy, I was on a movie once, and the guy was renting his house out for, you know, have you ever seen how they do that?

01:09:56.000 Like people rent their house out for movies?

01:09:57.000 Yeah.

01:09:58.000 I used to know a guy, that's how he paid his whole mortgage.

01:10:00.000 He had a cool house in the Hollywood Hills, and he would just rent it out to movie studios and TV studios.

01:10:04.000 And that's how he paid his bills.

01:10:05.000 And they would only use it like a couple days a month, and that paid it for everything.

01:10:09.000 But anyway, this guy was a chess player, and all he did was play chess.

01:10:14.000 And so we're hanging around with this guy in his house.

01:10:17.000 And I'm like, so you just play chess?

01:10:19.000 He goes, yeah, I play chess, and I'm divorced, so I don't need the whole house.

01:10:23.000 I rent the house out for movies, and it's kind of fun.

01:10:26.000 I like watching movies get filmed in my house.

01:10:28.000 I'm like, wow, that's crazy, because he had kind of a cool house.

01:10:31.000 And so I went with him.

01:10:33.000 I was like, show me what you do.

01:10:34.000 He goes, okay.

01:10:34.000 Well, I'm about to get a game right now, so I'll go to this forum, and I'll say who would like to have a game, and then they meet up in this room, and then they play chess online.

01:10:44.000 Online.

01:10:45.000 Yeah, I was watching him play chess online, and that's apparently where the majority of games get played.

01:10:50.000 Right.

01:10:51.000 Norton and I were starting to do that.

01:10:53.000 You could play against each other online.

01:10:55.000 Oh, really?

01:10:55.000 Yeah.

01:10:56.000 And it's cool, but there's...

01:10:59.000 The physical part, it's like anything with online newspapers, whatever.

01:11:04.000 I miss the physical.

01:11:05.000 Moving the pieces.

01:11:06.000 Yeah.

01:11:07.000 But Jimmy was into it for a bit.

01:11:10.000 Yeah.

01:11:10.000 Howard Stern was into it to the point where he was taking lessons and talking about it on the air all the time.

01:11:15.000 Oh, really?

01:11:15.000 I think he probably decided it was just a...

01:11:17.000 I mean, he's... 0.88

01:11:18.000 It's a time suck. 0.95

01:11:19.000 Yeah, it's a time suck.

01:11:20.000 Once I started being able to read in the paper the moves and understand it, I was like, I'm spending too much time. 0.99

01:11:27.000 I would say that's when I'm fucking balling. 0.98

01:11:29.000 Look at me, I'm so smart. 0.99

01:11:32.000 Oh, king to rook six, of course.

01:11:34.000 The obvious move.

01:11:36.000 In the Belgian variation.

01:11:38.000 Why is it in the paper? 1.00

01:11:39.000 Because it's for fucking smart people. 0.99

01:11:42.000 It's like reading the box score to a baseball game. 1.00

01:11:45.000 Well, it's always been in the paper.

01:11:46.000 Is it a particular game that someone's playing that you're following along?

01:11:49.000 Yeah, they're showing these two guys just played last night in this big tournament or whatever.

01:11:55.000 Well, maybe...

01:11:57.000 Has there ever been a newspaper that'll show a move and then ask you for the counter to that move?

01:12:01.000 And then you play the game out day after day?

01:12:05.000 Um, no.

01:12:06.000 No?

01:12:06.000 They wanted to do it, but then the Sudoku people blocked it.

01:12:13.000 The word fine people were outraged. 0.93

01:12:16.000 What was the conspiracy that we were talking about before the podcast started that we both thought was bullshit that you brought up? 0.95

01:12:26.000 Oh, yeah. 0.93

01:12:26.000 The Chipotle. 0.93

01:12:28.000 Oh, the Chipotle thing?

01:12:29.000 Yeah.

01:12:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:12:29.000 What's the Chipotle conspiracy?

01:12:31.000 Because I was eating Chipotle.

01:12:33.000 I'm on this wacky diet, man.

01:12:35.000 What are you doing now?

01:12:36.000 I can't have any grains.

01:12:36.000 I'm on this.

01:12:37.000 It's called the Primal Blueprint Diet.

01:12:40.000 And the idea behind it is no grains, very low carbohydrates, no sugar, no processed sugar.

01:12:47.000 You can have a piece of fruit every now and then.

01:12:49.000 But you want to bring your body into ketosis, where your body burns off fat. 0.99

01:12:54.000 And everybody's telling me, don't fucking do it. 0.98

01:12:56.000 Everybody's telling me not to do it. 0.99

01:12:58.000 That doesn't work for this.

01:12:59.000 I'm like, have you done it? 1.00

01:13:01.000 No, but shut the fuck up! 1.00

01:13:03.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00

01:13:04.000 Where did you hear about it? 1.00

01:13:06.000 We'll have this guy on.

01:13:06.000 His name is Mark Sisson.

01:13:08.000 He's a pretty famous guy in the paleo community.

01:13:12.000 You know your term paleolithic diet?

01:13:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:15.000 Yeah, well that's actually kind of bullshit. 0.99

01:13:17.000 Yeah, I just read that. 0.99

01:13:18.000 Well, what's bullshit is paleolithic people didn't really eat like that. 0.99

01:13:20.000 They ate grains. 0.96

01:13:22.000 So what he's saying is like the name is wrong, but the principles of the diet are really good for fighting inflammation, for a lot of people, like he had irritable bowel syndrome, a lot of people, they find that it helps them with arthritis, it cures a lot of inflammatory issues.

01:13:40.000 Not that I have them, but I'm like, okay, well, let's see what it's like.

01:13:44.000 And then I had this guy Kyle Kingsbury on, who's a former UFC fighter, great athlete, great guy, very, very smart.

01:13:49.000 And he was talking to me about it.

01:13:51.000 And one of the things that he said was he was citing the mental clarity aspects of it.

01:13:55.000 He said it makes his mind functions better.

01:13:57.000 He has more energy.

01:13:58.000 He feels more even throughout the day.

01:14:00.000 And then I talked to my brother, Danny Propokos.

01:14:03.000 You know Danny.

01:14:03.000 Danny Propokos, who's a world champion jiu-jitsu player.

01:14:07.000 Who's a good friend of mine.

01:14:09.000 He found out that I was doing it and he said he's been on it since November.

01:14:11.000 And he also cited the mental clarity thing.

01:14:14.000 Really?

01:14:14.000 And Denny's a real physical culture wizard.

01:14:17.000 He's always on top of the latest and greatest of all the techniques and modalities as far as training and stuff like that.

01:14:24.000 So just no grains is the dominant thing? 0.99

01:14:26.000 No fucking grains. 1.00

01:14:27.000 Mostly fats. 1.00

01:14:29.000 Fats, like I eat a lot of avocados. 1.00

01:14:31.000 I might eat five fucking avocados a day. 1.00

01:14:34.000 Really? 1.00

01:14:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:35.000 I love avocados.

01:14:36.000 I had two of these steak bowls from Chipotle today with just beans, no rice, just extra heaps of guacamole, and then I ate two giant things of guacamole on top of that.

01:14:50.000 So I'm just eating guacamole.

01:14:51.000 No meat?

01:14:53.000 Steak bowl would have me in it.

01:14:55.000 You didn't mention the steak.

01:14:56.000 I did.

01:14:57.000 I said steak bowl.

01:14:58.000 You said steak bowl, but then you listed.

01:15:00.000 Well, it's a steak bowl, but there's no steak in it.

01:15:02.000 But you also took the rice out.

01:15:04.000 Yeah.

01:15:05.000 Just no rice.

01:15:06.000 Steak, avocado, and beans.

01:15:08.000 That's it. 1.00

01:15:09.000 I'm just eating boring shit. 1.00

01:15:11.000 The meat is great, but when I go to a restaurant, good fucking lord, it's hard to find things to eat. 1.00

01:15:18.000 Restaurants kill every diet. 0.99

01:15:19.000 No matter what you're trying to do, restaurants are just a bad place to be.

01:15:23.000 Well, I went to this one place and I wanted to get a nice salad.

01:15:26.000 And then I said, wait a minute, what's in the salad dressing?

01:15:29.000 Do you toss it in the salad?

01:15:30.000 Yeah, it comes already tossed.

01:15:32.000 And you might as well be eating candy.

01:15:34.000 I ate the salad.

01:15:35.000 I'm like, this is crazy.

01:15:36.000 I can't even eat this.

01:15:37.000 I go, this is all sugar.

01:15:38.000 And they're like, well, there is some sugar.

01:15:39.000 And I go, what's some?

01:15:41.000 A lot. 1.00

01:15:41.000 I go, this is a fucking dessert. 1.00

01:15:42.000 Your salad's a goddamn dessert. 1.00

01:15:44.000 That's right. 1.00

01:15:44.000 It was like glistening with like a syrup. 1.00

01:15:48.000 I'm not kidding either.

01:15:50.000 I know, I know.

01:15:51.000 That stuff's high calorie.

01:15:52.000 You know Wood Ranch?

01:15:53.000 You ever eat at Wood Ranch, the barbecue place?

01:15:54.000 No.

01:15:54.000 They have this thing called a Natalie salad.

01:15:56.000 It's fucking delicious. 0.98

01:15:57.000 I love it. 0.99

01:15:59.000 But you might as well be eating an ice cream sundae.

01:16:01.000 Right.

01:16:02.000 It's a salad that's covered in syrup.

01:16:05.000 Jeez.

01:16:05.000 Their salad dressing is syrup.

01:16:07.000 So how long have you been doing this diet?

01:16:08.000 Today is, what is it, Jamie?

01:16:10.000 Day nine?

01:16:12.000 Nine, I think.

01:16:13.000 How do you feel?

01:16:14.000 I feel great.

01:16:14.000 Any different?

01:16:15.000 No, I've lost a little weight.

01:16:17.000 My body's always pretty much the same weight.

01:16:20.000 I don't really gain or lose.

01:16:22.000 But I did some things in the past that made me lose weight.

01:16:26.000 One of them was I cut all the sugar out of my diet and I lost five pounds in a week doing nothing else but doing that.

01:16:31.000 Really?

01:16:32.000 I was like, well, this is crazy.

01:16:33.000 Right.

01:16:50.000 Gluten is bread and pasta and wheat and that stuff.

01:16:54.000 It's not like I had an issue with gluten itself.

01:16:56.000 I didn't have an issue processing gluten.

01:16:59.000 It all converts to sugar.

01:17:01.000 That's just a lot of sugar for your body. 1.00

01:17:03.000 And your body just doesn't want that much sugar to process.

01:17:06.000 It's essentially toxic.

01:17:08.000 And the more people are learning about sugar, the more people are coming to an agreement.

01:17:13.000 Almost all these scientists and nutritional experts are coming to an agreement. 0.99

01:17:17.000 Processed sugar is just fucking awful for you. 0.98

01:17:19.000 Yeah, it's brutal. 1.00

01:17:20.000 It's really bad.

01:17:21.000 And it's in everything.

01:17:23.000 Everything.

01:17:24.000 Everything.

01:17:25.000 I've been baking bread lately. 0.99

01:17:27.000 Holy shit, Tom Papa! 0.99

01:17:28.000 Sourdough bread. 1.00

01:17:29.000 Sourdough bread is very good for you.

01:17:31.000 It is.

01:17:31.000 It has gluten though.

01:17:32.000 Natural process.

01:17:34.000 Yeah, but sourdough bread apparently has way less gluten than regular bread.

01:17:39.000 Right.

01:17:40.000 Yeah, because my wife can eat that but can't eat the other bread. 1.00

01:17:43.000 Really?

01:17:44.000 It's a cool thing.

01:17:45.000 You just take flour and water.

01:17:47.000 You need a starter.

01:17:50.000 Culture?

01:17:51.000 Yeah, you just start with flour and water and then the natural yeast that comes from around us in the environment goes in and starts eating that.

01:18:00.000 What?

01:18:00.000 And it becomes a living thing.

01:18:02.000 And people have starters that are like a hundred years old.

01:18:05.000 What?

01:18:06.000 You take a couple ounces off and you always maintain a little and feed it like a living thing.

01:18:11.000 It's like a bowl of flour and water, but you'll see it start to bubble when you feed it more flour and water.

01:18:16.000 What?

01:18:16.000 The yeast is eating it.

01:18:17.000 Yeah, it's the coolest.

01:18:19.000 That's crazy!

01:18:20.000 So it's in your refrigerator, like a bowl?

01:18:22.000 So it's in my fridge, like a little mason jar.

01:18:25.000 Wow!

01:18:25.000 And then you scoop it out, you take a little chunk of it, and then you feed it, and it expands, and then you take some of that and make bread out of it.

01:18:33.000 That is fucking nuts! 0.99

01:18:34.000 It's pretty, yeah. 0.99

01:18:36.000 I never would have been into this if I didn't hear that concept, and now I can't stop.

01:18:41.000 I'm baking bread like Little Red Riding Hood.

01:18:45.000 Who gave you the idea to do this?

01:18:47.000 This writer, a friend of mine, he's been doing it for a long time and he said you just have sourdough bread and the kids love it.

01:18:54.000 Wow.

01:18:54.000 I just started doing it and I just got hooked on it.

01:18:58.000 Where do you buy your starter?

01:18:59.000 You don't buy it.

01:19:01.000 You can just start it.

01:19:02.000 You make a starter?

01:19:03.000 Make a starter.

01:19:04.000 Okay, how do you do that?

01:19:05.000 You just take some flour and water and put it out on the counter.

01:19:11.000 That's it?

01:19:12.000 Yeah.

01:19:12.000 I mean, there's measurements and stuff, but that's it.

01:19:15.000 And then the natural yeast.

01:19:16.000 There's yeast around us just floating around.

01:19:18.000 That explains a lot of things.

01:19:20.000 Yeah.

01:19:21.000 And it goes into the concoction.

01:19:26.000 And you'll see it starts to bubble and get lighter.

01:19:28.000 And you feed it some more and it gets bigger.

01:19:30.000 Why do you say feed it?

01:19:31.000 Like feed it what?

01:19:32.000 You feed it because it's yeast.

01:19:32.000 What are you feeding it?

01:19:33.000 It's like a yeast.

01:19:34.000 Right.

01:19:35.000 Like a little community.

01:19:36.000 Right.

01:19:37.000 And you're feeding it equal parts flour and water.

01:19:40.000 Wow.

01:19:41.000 And it eats it.

01:19:42.000 And now it's like this living thing in the house.

01:19:44.000 Who has a starter that's 100 years old?

01:19:46.000 I went to buy a Dutch oven, which is like a pot that you can bake, that you put the bread in.

01:19:52.000 And this old guy was like, what are you doing?

01:19:57.000 You know the guy at Williamson?

01:19:58.000 I was like six foot lanky.

01:20:00.000 What do you need it for?

01:20:02.000 I'm like, I'm going to make some bread.

01:20:04.000 Oh, I've been making bread for a long time.

01:20:07.000 Really?

01:20:09.000 I'm going to be making sourdough bread.

01:20:11.000 Oh.

01:20:12.000 I got my starter.

01:20:13.000 Where are you getting your starter?

01:20:14.000 I said, well, a friend of mine has the Brea starter.

01:20:17.000 And my daughter just...

01:20:18.000 The what?

01:20:19.000 La Brea.

01:20:20.000 What's the La Brea starter?

01:20:21.000 That one is all the La Brea bakery bread.

01:20:25.000 You get the yeast off of the skin of grapes.

01:20:29.000 So it's a process where you take grapes and you put it in like cheesecloth and you just let the yeast come off of...

01:20:36.000 All grapes have yeast in the skin, eating on the skin of the grapes.

01:20:40.000 And that drips off and then you put it into the basic, start it with flour and water.

01:20:44.000 And you say La Brea...

01:20:45.000 It's a little sweeter.

01:20:46.000 Bakery like it's a chain?

01:20:48.000 Is that what it is?

01:20:49.000 Yeah, you'll see them.

01:20:51.000 They're an actual bakery and now they're like in Ralph's and everything that's all over.

01:20:55.000 And they say...

01:20:56.000 And like the places in San Francisco that have...

01:20:58.000 Big sourdough.

01:20:59.000 Yeah.

01:21:00.000 That it all, it maintains the same starter that they've always had.

01:21:04.000 Wow.

01:21:04.000 So this guy said, so I told him where I was getting my stuff.

01:21:08.000 My daughter made one as a gift and then this other guy gave me a piece.

01:21:11.000 He said his starter came from Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

01:21:16.000 And he got it from a friend of his and it's over a hundred years old.

01:21:21.000 What?

01:21:22.000 People have been passing it on.

01:21:24.000 It's a cowboy starter.

01:21:25.000 Cowboy starter.

01:21:26.000 That's what it was.

01:21:26.000 It was a lot of miners in San Francisco and all that during the gold rush.

01:21:31.000 They were creating bread that way.

01:21:33.000 That's where it started.

01:21:35.000 Now, I wonder how old the yeast organisms get before they die, and do they die?

01:21:44.000 They probably reproduce, and yeah, it's a good question.

01:21:48.000 I don't know, because basically, like I have it on my counter now, I've been feeding it for the last day, so now it's kind of bubbly.

01:21:55.000 Wow.

01:21:56.000 It's like glue, and it's kind of bubbly.

01:21:58.000 So I'll scoop out four ounces of that, make bread out of it, and then take one ounce of that, put it back in the jar, feed it a little, and put it in the fridge.

01:22:08.000 So what's the process?

01:22:10.000 So if you took four ounces out and made bread with it, what do you do with that, the starter?

01:22:15.000 You basically take a lot of flour.

01:22:19.000 This is to make two of them, two loaves.

01:22:22.000 You take 28 ounces of all-purpose flour or wheat flour, whatever you want to use.

01:22:29.000 You put that in with a little salt.

01:22:30.000 Then you take your starter.

01:22:31.000 You take the four ounces and 18 ounces of water, a bunch of water, and you make it into a cloudy mixture.

01:22:38.000 And then you dump that into the flour and salt that's in your mixer, and it just makes it into dough.

01:22:44.000 And then it just rises naturally.

01:22:46.000 You fold it a couple times, put it into a ball into the Dutch oven after a couple hours, and then you've got bread.

01:22:53.000 It's that simple?

01:22:54.000 It's that simple.

01:22:55.000 How long before you start growing your own wheat and smashing it up with a rock?

01:23:00.000 I'm headed that way.

01:23:01.000 That is the guy who I bought the Dutch oven from is like, I really like seed breads.

01:23:10.000 And then I looked it up.

01:23:11.000 That's like crazy, like 12 different seeds from different places and you mash them up.

01:23:17.000 I mean, then you're getting a job at Willem Sonoma.

01:23:20.000 I went to the Museum of Natural History, and they had an Egyptian mummy display. 0.94

01:23:27.000 Really fucking cool. 0.97

01:23:28.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:23:28.000 But one of the interesting things was by the time Egyptian people were older, you know, they didn't live that long, but if they did, they didn't have any teeth left. 0.97

01:23:36.000 Because the way they made bread, they ground it up.

01:23:40.000 They ground up their own flour, and it left sand in the bread.

01:23:44.000 Oh.

01:23:45.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:23:46.000 Gross.

01:23:48.000 So their bread was all... 0.97

01:23:49.000 You were eating sand.

01:23:50.000 So it would wear away your teeth.

01:23:53.000 That's gross.

01:23:53.000 I thought you were going to say sugar.

01:23:55.000 No.

01:23:55.000 Sand.

01:23:56.000 Ugh.

01:23:57.000 It's so much worse.

01:23:57.000 No, you would wear your teeth down to the nerves.

01:23:59.000 Just grind them down. 0.94

01:24:01.000 And they had all these methods that they were trying to concoct to save teeth.

01:24:06.000 Like wooden caps that they would put on.

01:24:09.000 Oh, jeez.

01:24:09.000 You could chew on that instead of chewing with whatever nerve endings were left in your face.

01:24:15.000 Just so you could eat more sand bread.

01:24:16.000 Sandy bread. 1.00

01:24:18.000 It's fucked up. 0.99

01:24:19.000 It is a kind of a trippy thing that you just put some flour and water and this yeast comes from the environment and now you've got this amazing tasting bread that the family can't stop eating. 0.99

01:24:31.000 The kids are cutting it.

01:24:33.000 Especially with butter.

01:24:34.000 This has been around forever.

01:24:36.000 Right out of the oven when it's hot.

01:24:40.000 We're eating bread like crazy.

01:24:42.000 Like when you're talking about eating sugar and all that flat.

01:24:45.000 We just can't stop.

01:24:46.000 We're all going to be fat.

01:24:47.000 I'm going the other way.

01:24:48.000 I'm not eating any of it.

01:24:49.000 At least for 60 days.

01:24:51.000 I'm going to give it 60 days.

01:24:52.000 I don't feel mentally that clear.

01:24:56.000 Have you been making some life choices that you regret?

01:24:59.000 I told you.

01:25:00.000 I woke up at 7 this morning like, oh, I gotta do a show tonight.

01:25:02.000 Blame it.

01:25:03.000 That's the bread! 0.51

01:25:04.000 It is the bread.

01:25:05.000 It is, man.

01:25:05.000 The bread.

01:25:06.000 It's fucking breaking you down. 1.00

01:25:08.000 It's making me lazy. 0.99

01:25:08.000 That's so weird, man. 0.99

01:25:10.000 Yeah.

01:25:10.000 It's so weird that you could just put it out there and the natural yeast grows.

01:25:16.000 I had no idea.

01:25:17.000 Yeah.

01:25:17.000 No idea.

01:25:17.000 I felt like it...

01:25:18.000 You know what?

01:25:19.000 I wish someone had asked me, where does yeast come from?

01:25:22.000 Because I'd never considered it before. 0.99

01:25:24.000 I would have been like, uh, fucking... 0.99

01:25:27.000 What is it? 0.99

01:25:28.000 A plant?

01:25:28.000 What is it?

01:25:29.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:25:30.000 Fucking yeast? 0.99

01:25:31.000 You know, because you can buy yeast that just make regular bread and you throw it in there and it eats the flour on its own. 1.00

01:25:35.000 Wow.

01:25:36.000 Newcastle Woman maintains a 122-year-old sourdough starter.

01:25:40.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:25:41.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:25:41.000 There was a woman online who was this radical feminist who made sourdough bread out of her pussy yeast. 1.00

01:25:50.000 Yeah, go find that one, Jamie. 1.00

01:25:51.000 The kids couldn't keep their hands off it. 0.98

01:25:53.000 Oh, it was fucking flying off the shelves. 0.99

01:25:55.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:25:56.000 I tweeted about it, but it was quite a while ago.

01:25:59.000 Probably never found it.

01:26:00.000 But I was like, good for her.

01:26:02.000 There is, I can't tell you, it's really a weird thing.

01:26:05.000 I mean, I would never be baking bread.

01:26:07.000 I don't know, I'm like hooked on it.

01:26:10.000 Yeah, there it is. 0.99

01:26:11.000 A woman who made sourdough bread using yeast from her vagina just ate the bread. 1.00

01:26:16.000 It's her own pussy, though. 1.00

01:26:17.000 Why wouldn't she? 1.00

01:26:19.000 You know? 0.99

01:26:20.000 I would eat a cum donut. 0.99

01:26:22.000 It was my own cum. 1.00

01:26:25.000 Cum donut. 1.00

01:26:27.000 Ugh, gross.

01:26:31.000 Why is it so gross when I eat it, but when my wife swallows it, it's all gravy. 1.00

01:26:36.000 It's a good relationship.

01:26:38.000 It's healthy.

01:26:38.000 It's a commitment.

01:26:39.000 It's how life is built.

01:26:40.000 Yeah, it's a compromise.

01:26:43.000 Yeah, so I'm baking bread and getting fat.

01:26:45.000 What else are you doing?

01:26:46.000 You growing anything in your garden?

01:26:47.000 You one of those guys?

01:26:48.000 No.

01:26:49.000 No?

01:26:49.000 We're surrounded by bamboo.

01:26:51.000 Ooh.

01:26:51.000 I had a- Like a bow and arrow.

01:26:53.000 Bamboo just cost me five grand.

01:26:54.000 What?

01:26:55.000 Why?

01:26:56.000 Well, once we had the rains, nothing was draining off the property properly.

01:27:01.000 So they started looking at the drainage pipes and stuff, and the guys who built it didn't fasten them together at one point.

01:27:10.000 And bamboo has grown into...

01:27:13.000 It's like a log.

01:27:15.000 I mean, I never saw it this thick.

01:27:17.000 I had it happen.

01:27:18.000 It's massive.

01:27:19.000 I had a root growing in my pipe.

01:27:21.000 See if you can find that, because that was online.

01:27:24.000 Like a toilet root. 1.00

01:27:25.000 It looked like a fucking... 1.00

01:27:26.000 Toilet root. 1.00

01:27:27.000 That's what it is.

01:27:27.000 It looked like the guy was pulling a gopher out of my toilet.

01:27:30.000 Yeah.

01:27:30.000 There was actually, this is what happened.

01:27:33.000 When we moved to Colorado for a bit, I didn't use that bathroom, obviously, because we were there for like four months.

01:27:40.000 Right.

01:27:40.000 And so the thing had apparently been in the toilet.

01:27:44.000 There it is.

01:27:44.000 That's from my own bathroom.

01:27:46.000 Oh! 0.60

01:27:46.000 That's the bathroom in my office. 0.60

01:27:48.000 Oh my God!

01:27:49.000 That thing, this guy's holding it up right now.

01:27:53.000 But was that solid or was that fibrous?

01:27:55.000 What is that from?

01:27:57.000 Flickr?

01:27:57.000 Send me that photo so I can put it up on Instagram.

01:28:01.000 Because I always forget about this.

01:28:03.000 I need to put it up somewhere, show people. 0.99

01:28:06.000 But that fucking thing, it looked like, if you see how thick it is, it looks like he's pulling a muskrat out. 1.00

01:28:11.000 It looks like some kind of a weasel or something. 1.00

01:28:13.000 How long was it? 0.99

01:28:14.000 Fucking huge! 0.99

01:28:15.000 It's like four feet long, at least. 0.99

01:28:17.000 You start to get scared of it.

01:28:18.000 You're like, this stuff is really invasive.

01:28:20.000 Like, it could really do some damage.

01:28:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:28:23.000 It's not good.

01:28:24.000 Look at this beautiful bread.

01:28:25.000 Wow, that's your bread?

01:28:27.000 It's pretty good.

01:28:28.000 That's amazing.

01:28:29.000 That looks excellent.

01:28:30.000 It's good.

01:28:31.000 Makes me want to break my diet.

01:28:32.000 That was one of my first ones.

01:28:33.000 And this is the starter.

01:28:35.000 Have you gotten better at it?

01:28:36.000 Yeah.

01:28:37.000 Unfortunately.

01:28:38.000 What's the difference between...

01:28:39.000 I've got to get back on the road on home baking bread.

01:28:42.000 This is a lot of starter.

01:28:43.000 Oh, okay.

01:28:44.000 Just sitting there, right?

01:28:44.000 That's before I knew what I was doing.

01:28:45.000 I was growing a lot of it.

01:28:47.000 Now you just need like a little bit.

01:28:49.000 And was this just like, do you have a burning desire to do this?

01:28:52.000 No, my friend told me about it, that he was doing it.

01:28:55.000 And I came home at dinner, told my wife and kids about it.

01:28:59.000 And then for Christmas, my daughter started a starter.

01:29:04.000 She went off and YouTubed and figured out how to do it.

01:29:08.000 And then for her present, she gave me some starter.

01:29:10.000 Oh, that's so cute.

01:29:12.000 So sweet.

01:29:13.000 So we started making bread off of it.

01:29:14.000 And then my other friend who turned me on to it originally, he brought me a little of the Brea starter.

01:29:19.000 So now we have two creatures.

01:29:21.000 Have you thought about experimenting with different starters, like the grape starter, the pussy starter? 0.99

01:29:27.000 The pussy one's intriguing, I have to admit. 1.00

01:29:29.000 I didn't know about it until just now. 0.99

01:29:32.000 That's what this show's good for.

01:29:34.000 No, maybe grow my own weed.

01:30:01.000 That would be good.

01:30:02.000 And the dirt that it goes in, you might have 50 pounds of weed.

01:30:06.000 Meanwhile, you really don't even have a pound of weed.

01:30:08.000 Oh my god.

01:30:09.000 That's probably a male plant. 1.00

01:30:11.000 I grew it in college.

01:30:12.000 We had a house and we had like a walk-in closet.

01:30:15.000 Oh really?

01:30:17.000 It was the happy days.

01:30:18.000 Yeah.

01:30:19.000 Just seeing it come alive and just knowing.

01:30:22.000 And you know, in school you had no money to even buy it.

01:30:24.000 Then all of a sudden we were growing it.

01:30:26.000 It was great.

01:30:27.000 That is nice.

01:30:28.000 Not to sell, just for ourselves.

01:30:30.000 Good.

01:30:30.000 Beautiful.

01:30:30.000 It was beautiful.

01:30:31.000 It is beautiful.

01:30:32.000 That would be a nice thing to grow.

01:30:33.000 That's a good idea until your kids find it.

01:30:35.000 Yeah.

01:30:36.000 Then you gotta explain.

01:30:37.000 I know.

01:30:37.000 Daddy's a pothead.

01:30:38.000 You know how daddy's funny and silly? 1.00

01:30:40.000 Daddy. 0.99

01:30:42.000 Daddy's enhanced.

01:30:44.000 It was natural for a while, but now he's got to keep it going with us.

01:30:47.000 I knew a guy who had a dispensary, and in the back room of the dispensary was a very large room where they were growing weed.

01:30:55.000 And I went into the room, and it was like weed that was like five feet high, five foot high plants and all these lights and everything.

01:31:01.000 And I swear to God, it felt like you were going into a room filled with people.

01:31:06.000 There was like an intelligence in that room.

01:31:09.000 Really?

01:31:09.000 It was very strange.

01:31:10.000 Really?

01:31:11.000 Granted, I was high.

01:31:12.000 You must have been really high. 1.00

01:31:12.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:31:14.000 When I walked in there, but I do, I really think there's something to it. 1.00

01:31:18.000 There was something to that room.

01:31:19.000 I was like, wow, this room feels like there's things in here.

01:31:22.000 Like, it doesn't seem like a room full of plants.

01:31:25.000 Yeah.

01:31:25.000 Like, you can go into a room full of plants, and you're like, oh, this is beautiful vegetation.

01:31:29.000 Yeah.

01:31:29.000 But this is like, you know, a room full of, hello.

01:31:32.000 It was very weird.

01:31:34.000 I totally get that.

01:31:36.000 You really start to care for them, too.

01:31:38.000 It's like...

01:31:39.000 It really seems insane that you don't own a dispensary.

01:31:42.000 Me?

01:31:43.000 Anybody.

01:31:44.000 Anybody.

01:31:45.000 With a brain living in California.

01:31:46.000 It's like, you see, you know Denver.

01:31:49.000 Print money.

01:31:49.000 It changed that city and people are making so much money.

01:31:54.000 We're talking about going into Denver.

01:31:56.000 Oh yeah?

01:31:57.000 Yeah, we've considered starting something in Denver.

01:32:00.000 Perhaps some sort of an edible factory.

01:32:02.000 Really?

01:32:04.000 But you gotta hire mercenaries.

01:32:06.000 That's the problem.

01:32:07.000 I want in.

01:32:08.000 What do I got?

01:32:09.000 You gotta hire mercenaries.

01:32:10.000 And I'm not joking.

01:32:11.000 If you want to do that, it's not- Because it's all cash?

01:32:13.000 It's all cash.

01:32:15.000 You're dealing with a lot of people that know that this is essentially like a bank they can rob, but it has much less security.

01:32:23.000 And for the longest time, people were being forced to take these cash drops and take them to banks.

01:32:30.000 Right.

01:32:30.000 And banks weren't even taking them, so then they would have to take them to banks and convert them to a traveler's check or something along those lines.

01:32:36.000 There was a bunch of different workarounds, so they had to figure out what I do.

01:32:41.000 Banks are taking it now, though, right? 0.98

01:32:42.000 I don't know what the fuck they're doing now. 1.00

01:32:44.000 The real issue is if some fucking wackadoo like Ted Cruz actually becomes the president. 0.99

01:32:51.000 Which is not outside of the realm of possibility, folks. 0.99

01:32:54.000 This is one of the scariest elections in recent memory.

01:32:57.000 For me, I think it's the most scary.

01:33:00.000 Because I don't think that people are willing to vote for Hillary Clinton.

01:33:04.000 Not only do I not think that people are willing to vote for her, I think that...

01:33:07.000 I don't even think...

01:33:08.000 I think...

01:33:09.000 The people that are willing to vote for her are only willing to vote for her because she's a woman. 1.00

01:33:12.000 They go, let's see if chicks can do it. 1.00

01:33:15.000 Or, I want a woman in office. 1.00

01:33:16.000 Yay! 0.99

01:33:17.000 It's that kind of thing.

01:33:18.000 But she's not compelling as a leader.

01:33:20.000 She's just not.

01:33:21.000 No.

01:33:22.000 Bernie Sanders is interesting.

01:33:24.000 He's very interesting.

01:33:25.000 He's very interesting socially.

01:33:27.000 He's very interesting in that he's way more of a man of the people than anybody else.

01:33:33.000 And people are like, he's a career politician! 0.97

01:33:35.000 Yeah, but this fucking guy, he's so different than any other career politician that's running for office. 0.99

01:33:41.000 He really is. 0.99

01:33:41.000 He's the most interesting and intriguing to me, along with Trump. 0.99

01:33:45.000 And Trump, although he says a lot of really stupid things, and he's ridiculous, and his ego's out of control, and the shit that he says about Mexicans is deplorable. 1.00

01:33:55.000 He's so wealthy that he can do whatever the fuck he wants, and he's using all of his own money to fund this campaign. 1.00

01:34:01.000 And he won't be a puppet the same way that Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio or any of these other guys on the right will. 0.99

01:34:10.000 Those guys scare the fuck out of me. 0.99

01:34:11.000 That Ted Cruz guy scares the fuck out of me. 0.99

01:34:13.000 He's really framing. 1.00

01:34:14.000 He's so dumb. 1.00

01:34:15.000 But he's not dumb. 1.00

01:34:16.000 That's what's scary.

01:34:17.000 He's very smart as far as his education, but... 1.00

01:34:20.000 The shit that he says and oh my god. 0.99

01:34:23.000 I think the Hillary thing though, there's also a majority of people who, from that party, who will vote to keep things going on the Obama track. 1.00

01:34:34.000 Same direction.

01:34:34.000 Yeah.

01:34:34.000 I think that there's enough of that that will kind of grin and bear voting for Hillary.

01:34:40.000 Dude, Hillary Clinton versus Putin. 0.99

01:34:42.000 I mean, who knows what the fuck happens if Putin decides to ramp shit up because Hillary becomes president. 0.99

01:34:47.000 She's pretty tough, though. 0.99

01:34:49.000 She had that job.

01:34:53.000 She had that job.

01:34:56.000 Thatcher wasn't a pushover. 1.00

01:34:59.000 Right? 0.99

01:35:00.000 She was nasty. 1.00

01:35:02.000 She's not a real queen. 1.00

01:35:05.000 Whatever the fuck she was. 0.99

01:35:06.000 I don't know, man. 1.00

01:35:07.000 Of that little province.

01:35:09.000 She's just so non-compelling to me.

01:35:10.000 There's nothing she says that's interesting.

01:35:12.000 No.

01:35:13.000 There's a great photo that I put up on Instagram that somebody made of the difference between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton.

01:35:18.000 And it's in regard to their response, like, what is the Olive Garden?

01:35:21.000 Like, how do you feel about the Olive Garden?

01:35:23.000 Yeah.

01:35:25.000 That's funny.

01:35:25.000 Yeah.

01:35:26.000 I'll have Jamie pull it up because it's so hilarious.

01:35:29.000 But it is how I feel about Hillary Clinton.

01:35:32.000 I feel like she's just politics, man.

01:35:36.000 Yeah, I know.

01:35:37.000 But you know what?

01:35:38.000 It's politics, but she's also boring. 1.00

01:35:41.000 And I think that is something you kind of appreciate when they're in office.

01:35:45.000 Really?

01:35:46.000 Yes.

01:35:47.000 Obama's kind of boring and wonkish, but it just kind of...

01:35:51.000 No drama, no big...

01:35:53.000 I mean, this is kind of...

01:35:54.000 I'm talking against her at the same time, but with Obama, there was no scandal.

01:35:58.000 There was no douchery.

01:36:01.000 There was no things taking us off track.

01:36:03.000 He just kind of went to work methodically.

01:36:06.000 It wasn't flashy.

01:36:07.000 It wasn't exciting, but things improved.

01:36:10.000 Here it is.

01:36:12.000 Olive Garden.

01:36:12.000 An authentic Italian restaurant for the whole family, says Hillary.

01:36:16.000 Bernie, only when I'm high.

01:36:19.000 That makes sense.

01:36:21.000 Totally.

01:36:22.000 Yeah, there's a whole series of that.

01:36:24.000 Yeah, that's great.

01:36:25.000 I just think that this is just, there's no one that really grabs me.

01:36:30.000 Like Al Gore.

01:36:30.000 No, I know.

01:36:31.000 Al Gore, when he was running opposite of Bush, was compelling.

01:36:34.000 I'm like, here's a guy who cares a lot about the environment.

01:36:36.000 Right. 1.00

01:36:36.000 You know, and people are like, oh, it's bullshit. 1.00

01:36:38.000 That movie and inconvenient truth is filled with inconvenient facts and bullshit and lies and propaganda. 0.99

01:36:43.000 Not one question about climate change in Republican debates. 0.97

01:36:48.000 Yeah, they want to keep that on the DL. Not one.

01:36:51.000 Pill addictions, like we're saying, pharmaceutical addictions, cigarettes.

01:36:55.000 I mean, if there was a drug that just got released that's killing as many people's cigarettes, that would be the number one hot topic for debate, right?

01:37:02.000 Right.

01:37:02.000 If there was a disease like the Zipkin virus that was killing half a million people, it would be the number one hot topic of debate.

01:37:09.000 Huge.

01:37:09.000 Half a million people a year in this country alone.

01:37:23.000 We're good to go.

01:37:35.000 But you also know the whole reality of the New Hampshire heroin problem was entirely spawned, entirely spawned by OxyContin.

01:37:43.000 Right.

01:37:43.000 It was people that got OxyContin's, they got them easy and cheaply, and then they cramped down on it when they found that all these people were addicted.

01:37:51.000 So what did they do?

01:37:53.000 Did they fix it?

01:37:54.000 Did they cure their addiction?

01:37:56.000 No. 1.00

01:37:56.000 They made these poor fucking people try to figure out some other way to get their fix. 1.00

01:38:01.000 Right. 1.00

01:38:01.000 And the way to do that was heroin. 1.00

01:38:03.000 A cheaper way to get it.

01:38:04.000 It's the only way to get it.

01:38:05.000 The only way to get it.

01:38:06.000 Because they couldn't get the pills anymore.

01:38:07.000 Right.

01:38:07.000 So they started shooting up.

01:38:09.000 That's where it came from.

01:38:10.000 Exactly.

01:38:10.000 It was all spawned out of the prescription drug problem that we have in this country.

01:38:13.000 Right.

01:38:14.000 Apparently that movie that those guys came in here, those prescription thugs, apparently it's very good. 0.75

01:38:20.000 There's some insane fucking stats to statistics about it and I'll try to get those guys to come back in and talk about it after They're doing their their press cycle right now and after I watch it But the same guys who did bigger stronger faster, 0.97

01:38:35.000 which was a expose on steroids did this expose on prescription drugs Yeah, Chris Brel and Mark his brother But it's fucking terrifying stuff. 0.98

01:38:45.000 Terrifying. 0.97

01:38:46.000 Terrifying.

01:38:47.000 What's so scary as a parent is that you can basically raise this beautiful person for their whole life and get to the whatever age.

01:38:58.000 Let's put them as, you know, 17 to 25 when they're out on their own doing their thing.

01:39:03.000 One bad summer.

01:39:05.000 One horrible week.

01:39:06.000 One intense weekend and you can lose them.

01:39:09.000 Well, how about this? 1.00

01:39:10.000 Someone could fucking give them something and they can die from it. 1.00

01:39:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:14.000 Someone can lie to them.

01:39:15.000 Someone could Bill Cosby them.

01:39:16.000 Right. 1.00

01:39:16.000 And give them some shit that they think is gonna whack them out so they can have sex with your daughter. 1.00

01:39:20.000 Crazy. 1.00

01:39:21.000 And they could die of an overdose. 0.98

01:39:22.000 That happens.

01:39:22.000 It's insane.

01:39:23.000 Yeah.

01:39:24.000 You can't even have your kids go to a party.

01:39:27.000 You can't eat, drink.

01:39:28.000 You can't have a Sour Patch Kid.

01:39:30.000 You can't do any...

01:39:31.000 I know!

01:39:32.000 Women have to be very careful about what they drink. 1.00

01:39:35.000 It's the worst.

01:39:36.000 I know people who've been drugged.

01:39:38.000 I've met people who've been drugged.

01:39:39.000 It's very common.

01:39:41.000 Guys drop things in women's drinks. 0.99

01:39:43.000 Completely. 1.00

01:39:43.000 It's terrifying shit, man. 1.00

01:39:45.000 Terrifying. 1.00

01:39:46.000 This Bill Cosby thing is...

01:39:48.000 I think... 0.97

01:39:50.000 It's awful and it's horrific, but at least it's opening up this discussion that I think we need to have in this country about men who are willing to drug women and have sex with them while they're out. 1.00

01:40:02.000 That is a creepy, sociopathic, psychopathic type of person. 1.00

01:40:07.000 So creepy. 1.00

01:40:08.000 It's scary.

01:40:09.000 It's really...

01:40:10.000 And powerful people like him.

01:40:12.000 Yeah.

01:40:13.000 Wasn't the other one from that singing show?

01:40:15.000 He was given a...

01:40:17.000 Allegedly wasn't CeeLo Green busted for...

01:40:20.000 Yeah.

01:40:20.000 Yeah, he was given girls ecstasy.

01:40:22.000 Just without them knowing.

01:40:23.000 Yeah.

01:40:24.000 Allegedly.

01:40:25.000 Allegedly.

01:40:26.000 Allegedly.

01:40:26.000 Who knows?

01:40:27.000 The guy who looks like a peanut M&M was trying to get... 1.00

01:40:29.000 Get some pussy. 1.00

01:40:30.000 Get some pussy. 1.00

01:40:30.000 I couldn't do it any other way. 1.00

01:40:32.000 How odd.

01:40:33.000 I met him once.

01:40:34.000 Did you?

01:40:34.000 On a plane.

01:40:35.000 I was like, oh, Jesus Christ.

01:40:37.000 For sure stop eating, dude.

01:40:40.000 Settle down.

01:40:41.000 Gluten, grains, meat, steak bowls.

01:40:44.000 Stop it. 1.00

01:40:45.000 He had that one song, that Fuck You song. 1.00

01:40:47.000 It was a great song. 1.00

01:40:48.000 It was a good song.

01:40:49.000 And that launched the whole thing.

01:40:51.000 Since those allegations, I think he's kind of disappeared, right?

01:40:55.000 Yeah.

01:40:55.000 I don't know what the deal is.

01:40:56.000 I mean, he might be in the middle of a trial or something.

01:40:59.000 I mean, just to knock them out.

01:41:02.000 Well, ecstasy doesn't knock them out, but I think it makes them much more willing to have sex. 0.94

01:41:05.000 Yeah, but back to the Cosby thing, like what you're saying, like that issue of guys that are just willing to knock women out.

01:41:13.000 How do you feel good about yourself the next, as soon as it's over?

01:41:17.000 It's not about that.

01:41:17.000 It's about getting back at women, I think.

01:41:19.000 Is it? 0.81

01:41:20.000 Yeah, I think there's women out there that hate men, and there's men out there that hate women. 0.99

01:41:26.000 I think at this point it's ridiculous to pretend anything different. 0.99

01:41:30.000 And I think there's a direct correlation between people that have been rejected and people that have associated women with someone who's going to turn them down or treat them like shit because they're not physically attractive. 0.99

01:41:41.000 Right. 1.00

01:41:41.000 Like this fucking guy who's built like a peanut and M&M. Right. 1.00

01:41:43.000 You know?

01:41:44.000 You know, I was lucky enough where I never had those interactions with girls coming up.

01:41:50.000 Were you funny?

01:41:51.000 It was funny and pretty good looking.

01:41:53.000 Were you?

01:41:54.000 No.

01:41:57.000 Meeting friends as an adult who women just screw them over in their fable, they come out with a whole different view of womanhood. 0.98

01:42:10.000 Yeah.

01:42:10.000 I mean, mine was really pleasant and I always see women as the victim or I always see women and the guys who had a really shitty time and they got dumped on and whatever, there's a rage that these guys carry around.

01:42:23.000 Oh yeah.

01:42:24.000 It's really just kind of like a stroke of luck that when I was young I met the nice ones.

01:42:28.000 You know what I mean?

01:42:29.000 These guys are really like...

01:42:31.000 You know, you see guys, they kind of say jokes about knocking a girl out and doing all this kind of stuff, but they're not really kidding in a way.

01:42:39.000 You know what I mean?

01:42:40.000 Right, right.

01:42:40.000 There's a darkness any time you talk about women with these guys.

01:42:44.000 Well, there's always going to be people that got fucked over by somebody. 0.98

01:42:47.000 And if you were involved in a horrific divorce, and I have a friend who was involved in a horrific divorce that took years. 0.94

01:42:55.000 And I've talked about it on this podcast, ad nauseum, unfortunately.

01:42:59.000 He's got to pay her for the rest of his life because they were married for 12 years.

01:43:02.000 So, uh, he, like, she's a grown woman. 0.99

01:43:05.000 Like, if you have a fucking kid when the kid's 18, they're on their own. 0.99

01:43:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:08.000 But not, not a woman. 1.00

01:43:10.000 Like, if you have a woman and you're married to her for 12 years, by the way, they were divorced more than 12 years ago.

01:43:14.000 So he has to pay her forever.

01:43:16.000 Oh my God.

01:43:17.000 Forever.

01:43:18.000 Until she dies. 1.00

01:43:19.000 Until she fucking dies. 1.00

01:43:20.000 So if she gets in some life extension shit, some new science comes out, he, and he lives for 500 years and she lives for 500 years, he's going to have to pay her for some shit that he doesn't even remember anymore. 1.00

01:43:30.000 Oh my God. 0.99

01:43:31.000 And I'm not talking about a small amount of money either.

01:43:32.000 He's wealthy.

01:43:33.000 So he's paying her hundreds of thousands of dollars a year.

01:43:36.000 More than a half a million, I think.

01:43:37.000 So what's his rage like?

01:43:38.000 Oh, it's crazy.

01:43:39.000 If you get him started up, he literally needs a drink.

01:43:43.000 Really? 1.00

01:43:43.000 It'll just start bubbling in his mind because the whole thing was a fuck. 1.00

01:43:47.000 California? 1.00

01:43:48.000 Yeah.

01:43:49.000 Yeah, there's bad divorce laws. 1.00

01:43:51.000 Really bad.

01:43:52.000 And there's horrible ones.

01:43:52.000 And if you get the wrong lawyer and she gets the right one, that's a wrap, son!

01:43:58.000 Oh, God.

01:43:59.000 It's just insane that you don't have to move on with your life, like as a woman. 1.00

01:44:04.000 That if a woman's married to a guy, and we're not talking about someone with children, she doesn't even have any children.

01:44:08.000 Right.

01:44:09.000 This is indefensible.

01:44:11.000 No children?

01:44:12.000 No children.

01:44:13.000 I've heard people say, yeah, but she's got to raise the kids. 1.00

01:44:16.000 What kids?

01:44:16.000 No kids.

01:44:17.000 And when you tell them that, they go, wait, what?

01:44:18.000 Right.

01:44:19.000 Exactly.

01:44:20.000 She doesn't even have any kids, and he has to pay her forever.

01:44:23.000 Oh my God.

01:44:24.000 Forever.

01:44:25.000 That's crazy. 0.93

01:44:26.000 It'll be millions and millions of dollars by the time she's dead. 1.00

01:44:29.000 For nothing.

01:44:30.000 For nothing.

01:44:31.000 They had a relationship.

01:44:32.000 They enjoyed time together and he didn't want to be with her anymore.

01:44:35.000 So he has to pay her forever.

01:44:38.000 It's the most horrific form of prostitution known to man. 0.74

01:44:41.000 Oh my god. 0.97

01:44:43.000 It's crazy.

01:44:44.000 It's crazy.

01:44:46.000 We're not talking about child support.

01:44:48.000 That's insane.

01:44:49.000 Yeah.

01:44:49.000 So scary.

01:44:49.000 We're not talking even about a woman who put the guy through school while he was working on his engineering degree or something like that.

01:44:55.000 And then he went on to become successful and tried to abandon her.

01:44:58.000 And she's like, hey, I put you through school.

01:45:00.000 I'm responsible for a part of your success.

01:45:02.000 That makes a lot of sense.

01:45:03.000 Nope.

01:45:03.000 Never worked.

01:45:04.000 Never, never, never worked while she was with him.

01:45:08.000 Never worked.

01:45:09.000 Oh, my God.

01:45:11.000 Yeah.

01:45:12.000 Don't worry, baby.

01:45:12.000 I'll take care of you.

01:45:13.000 You don't have to work.

01:45:14.000 How does the law support that? 1.00

01:45:15.000 Because they're cunts. 1.00

01:45:17.000 It's just a cunt festival up there. 1.00

01:45:20.000 Whoever creates it, whoever enforces it, whoever looks at that on paper and says, that's good. 0.93

01:45:23.000 That's how it's written. 1.00

01:45:25.000 A meteor should come from God's hand and fucking blow your brains out. 1.00

01:45:29.000 It's insane. 1.00

01:45:30.000 That is crazy town. 0.99

01:45:32.000 It's so gross. 0.99

01:45:33.000 It's so scary.

01:45:34.000 That is insane.

01:45:34.000 It's scary.

01:45:35.000 It's really scary.

01:45:36.000 What if he just got a job as a busboy?

01:45:38.000 Well, he's responsible.

01:45:39.000 And went to a studio apartment and didn't make that much money anymore.

01:45:43.000 Well, I've got another one.

01:45:44.000 Dave...

01:45:45.000 Coulier?

01:45:48.000 No. 0.98

01:45:49.000 Goddammit. 0.98

01:45:50.000 From NewsRadio.

01:45:52.000 Jesus Christ.

01:45:52.000 Dave Foley.

01:45:53.000 Why do I draw a blank on Dave?

01:45:55.000 Because this one hurts my brain so much, I draw blanks with it.

01:45:59.000 Oh, no.

01:45:59.000 Dave?

01:46:00.000 Dave Foley got divorced, and his wife wanted money that is...

01:46:07.000 The way they established how much money he was going to pay her was depending upon how much money he was making at the time.

01:46:13.000 So he was on news radio when they got divorced.

01:46:15.000 So that was the highlight of his entire life as far as how much money he's ever going to make in a month.

01:46:20.000 So they based it on a percentage of that, like 50% of that.

01:46:26.000 I mean, I don't know if he will.

01:46:29.000 Maybe he will.

01:46:29.000 He's a very talented guy.

01:46:30.000 He might have a hit next week.

01:46:33.000 But as far as right now, he's never made that kind of money ever again in his life.

01:46:36.000 So he owes hundreds of thousands of dollars, can't go to Canada.

01:46:40.000 If he goes to Canada, they'll arrest him.

01:46:41.000 And the judge literally said to him, your ability to pay has no relation to your obligation to pay.

01:46:51.000 Yeah, you have an obligation to pay.

01:46:53.000 I do not care if you're able to.

01:46:56.000 You have an obligation to make more money.

01:46:58.000 Oh my god.

01:47:01.000 That's the judge's words to his face.

01:47:04.000 And it's not like to make even $100,000 working at a straight gig.

01:47:10.000 That's like winning the lottery.

01:47:11.000 They based it on his winning ticket.

01:47:13.000 He won the lottery, basically.

01:47:15.000 For five years, he won the lottery.

01:47:16.000 For a network show.

01:47:16.000 Yeah, he got the cushiest spot ever, which is a network sitcom in the 90s.

01:47:22.000 Right.

01:47:23.000 Back when they were real.

01:47:25.000 They don't even exist anymore.

01:47:27.000 You can't replicate that.

01:47:28.000 How many sitcoms are there now?

01:47:29.000 There are 10?

01:47:30.000 Oh, my God.

01:47:31.000 There's a million actors in Hollywood trying to get on 10 sitcoms.

01:47:35.000 Right, right.

01:47:36.000 Oh.

01:47:37.000 And he's 50-something, so it's not going to happen.

01:47:41.000 I mean, they don't want the 50-something guy.

01:47:43.000 They want the guy that he was in the 90s.

01:47:44.000 They want the 30-year-old guy.

01:47:45.000 Oh, my God.

01:47:46.000 Oh.

01:47:47.000 What a nightmare. 1.00

01:47:48.000 Fucking Christ. 1.00

01:47:49.000 And he's another one. 1.00

01:47:50.000 You're around him when he talks about it, and you just, I need a drink.

01:47:53.000 Really? 1.00

01:47:53.000 I need a fucking drink. 1.00

01:47:54.000 Oh, that's so sad. 0.99

01:47:55.000 He's such a good guy. 1.00

01:47:56.000 Ice cubes clicking against glasses, and whiskey starts pouring, and you're like, fuck. 0.99

01:48:00.000 And he is the nicest guy. 0.99

01:48:02.000 Yeah.

01:48:03.000 He is one of the handful of nicest people I've ever met in my life, and when he talks about his ex-wife... 1.00

01:48:08.000 He just goes, she's a cunt. 1.00

01:48:10.000 And she will not negotiate. 1.00

01:48:13.000 She will not lessen his money. 1.00

01:48:15.000 She doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:48:16.000 She wants to torture him. 1.00

01:48:17.000 What is that? 1.00

01:48:19.000 She's a crazy person. 1.00

01:48:20.000 Oh, that's so gross. 1.00

01:48:21.000 But that's these crazy laws.

01:48:23.000 And when people say, well, why do you think? 0.99

01:48:25.000 Even my own wife, I say marriage is retarded. 1.00

01:48:29.000 It's ridiculous. 0.99

01:48:30.000 I'm happy. 0.92

01:48:31.000 I'm happily married.

01:48:32.000 I love her.

01:48:32.000 She's great.

01:48:33.000 I love having a family. 1.00

01:48:34.000 But it is fucking dumb. 1.00

01:48:36.000 You shouldn't say that. 1.00

01:48:37.000 It's fucking dumb. 1.00

01:48:39.000 It's dumb. 1.00

01:48:40.000 I shouldn't say it. 0.99

01:48:41.000 If you were making all the money, you'd say it too.

01:48:43.000 It's crazy.

01:48:45.000 It's a legal contract with the state that involves two people getting along.

01:48:50.000 That's insane.

01:48:51.000 It's one of the most transient things that we can do is try to establish sexual relationships with each other. 0.99

01:48:57.000 How often those fucking things last? 0.99

01:48:59.000 I know. 0.99

01:49:00.000 None of them last forever.

01:49:01.000 Well, it's really a business.

01:49:04.000 You're really creating a business.

01:49:05.000 And it becomes a big business as you go further on and bring on other employees and children and that kind of thing. 0.57

01:49:12.000 And this is why you're not allowed to have sex with your co-workers?

01:49:15.000 Because that makes things very complicated. 0.90

01:49:18.000 Right?

01:49:19.000 Yeah.

01:49:19.000 If you have a job and you have a secretary and you start banging your secretary and she's a part of this business that you've created with your wife, you've got real issues.

01:49:26.000 You're experiencing pleasure from someone else and that's like, you know, like if you are working on a set, you can't plug something in because there's a union electrician.

01:49:34.000 Right.

01:49:34.000 It's his job.

01:49:35.000 Right.

01:49:36.000 You need that union electrician.

01:49:37.000 Otherwise, that guy wouldn't really be able to justify his position.

01:49:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:40.000 Well, your wife is your dick technician. 1.00

01:49:44.000 She's the second. 1.00

01:49:44.000 And if your secretary, not only does she handle your paperwork, but also handles your dick, well, we got a problem here. 1.00

01:49:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:49:51.000 Because we have one too many employees.

01:49:52.000 It's very complicated.

01:49:53.000 Yeah, well, this...

01:49:54.000 Trying to keep that on the rails.

01:49:55.000 Yeah, the secretary is really good at plugging things in. 1.00

01:49:58.000 And I just feel like I don't need someone else. 1.00

01:50:01.000 So it's over, bitch! 1.00

01:50:03.000 The kids are 18. Fuck off! 1.00

01:50:05.000 Well, there's gonna be a big lawsuit. 1.00

01:50:06.000 Oh yeah, Madeline Albright on speed dial!

01:50:11.000 Next thing you know.

01:50:12.000 Does it count where you got married or is it where you got divorced?

01:50:16.000 I think where you got married is big.

01:50:17.000 It's the bigger part of it.

01:50:18.000 It's a big one.

01:50:19.000 So if you get married in California, that's like one of the worst places.

01:50:23.000 Yeah, it's one of the worst places. 0.99

01:50:24.000 One of my favorite stories was this New York really wealthy fucking millionaire, multi-millionaire business guy. 1.00

01:50:33.000 Marries this young lady. 0.99

01:50:34.000 He's in his 60s.

01:50:36.000 She's in her 30s. 1.00

01:50:37.000 She's hot as fuck. 1.00

01:50:37.000 He marries her. 1.00

01:50:38.000 And then when he marries her, he immediately files for divorce in the Dominican Republic.

01:50:46.000 I believe it was Dominican Republic.

01:50:47.000 Look the story up because it was real recent.

01:50:49.000 She had no idea.

01:50:50.000 They were married the entire time she thought they were married.

01:50:52.000 But he had filed for divorce and had attorneys represent her and him in absentia.

01:50:59.000 He paid for both lawyers, won the case, and got divorced.

01:51:05.000 In another country?

01:51:06.000 In another country. 1.00

01:51:07.000 So he's saying, we're not married, bitch. 1.00

01:51:10.000 We got divorced weeks afterwards. 0.99

01:51:11.000 Here's my paperwork.

01:51:12.000 It's binding in the Dominican Republic.

01:51:14.000 This is a legal document.

01:51:16.000 Really?

01:51:16.000 Where'd they get married?

01:51:17.000 I don't know.

01:51:18.000 In the States?

01:51:19.000 Yeah, I think so in the States.

01:51:21.000 Jeez.

01:51:21.000 Yeah.

01:51:22.000 Mick Jagger tried to do the same thing with Jerry Hall.

01:51:24.000 Oh, really? 0.99

01:51:24.000 He's like, bitch, we didn't even get married in America. 0.99

01:51:27.000 We got married on like a fucking coconut island somewhere. 1.00

01:51:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:51:30.000 So he was saying that that didn't count either. 0.99

01:51:33.000 Oh my God.

01:51:34.000 Did you find the guy?

01:51:35.000 Yeah, here's the guy.

01:51:36.000 Husband secretly divorced wife after wedding to protect his assets.

01:51:39.000 And look at him and look at her.

01:51:41.000 Of course.

01:51:42.000 She's hot and young. 1.00

01:51:43.000 Of course.

01:51:44.000 Yeah.

01:51:44.000 They were married for 20 years, raising a son and living the good life in between homes in New York and France.

01:51:50.000 Oh, my God.

01:51:50.000 It was all perfect, except one thing.

01:51:52.000 He had secretly divorced her just months after their wedding in an apparent attempt to shield his assets.

01:51:59.000 Wow.

01:52:00.000 That is hilarious.

01:52:00.000 He's 90. Yeah.

01:52:01.000 And now she's 59. She's suing her 90-year-old husband. 0.95

01:52:07.000 To nullify the divorce that she never knew about and keep him from selling an apartment that they shared.

01:52:13.000 That's hilarious.

01:52:15.000 So they met in 1994. So they met when he was 70. Jesus Christ.

01:52:20.000 He knew what was going on.

01:52:22.000 Yeah, he was 70. She probably said no to the prenup.

01:52:26.000 And she was more than 30 years his senior.

01:52:31.000 Huh.

01:52:31.000 So she was like somewhere around 30-something.

01:52:35.000 And he was old as fuck. 0.99

01:52:37.000 Marrying a 70-year-old guy. 1.00

01:52:38.000 She says, it's a fraud, she tells the Post.

01:52:41.000 Well...

01:52:42.000 What's the fraud?

01:52:43.000 Which one's the fraud?

01:52:45.000 What part was the fraud?

01:52:45.000 What did you do to get that apartment?

01:52:48.000 Where's your money coming from, lady? 0.99

01:52:50.000 How's that work?

01:52:51.000 But it's not good enough.

01:52:52.000 See, we've established that when someone marries someone, they won the lottery.

01:52:57.000 When you marry some old rich dude like that guy, you've won the lottery and then you deserve to get paid from winning that lottery.

01:53:03.000 But the reality is, what exactly was going on in that relationship?

01:53:07.000 They were together and he made all the money.

01:53:10.000 And she wants some of that money that he made while she was living in the same place as him.

01:53:15.000 That's really what it is.

01:53:16.000 If you're an athlete, you know, like professional athlete, how do you possibly meet someone and think this is not going to go against you?

01:53:24.000 Well, sometimes it works.

01:53:25.000 Sometimes.

01:53:26.000 You can meet the right people, man.

01:53:28.000 It's really who are you, who are they?

01:53:30.000 It's so hard to generalize, and some relationships work great, and some marriages work great.

01:53:35.000 Some marriages where both people make a similar amount of money, and no one is really in it for the money, and they have a modest living, and they enjoy themselves, and they just love being together, and they like the fact that they wear a ring, and hey, that's my wife.

01:53:49.000 That's my husband.

01:53:50.000 We're happy.

01:53:51.000 We love it.

01:53:51.000 This is great.

01:53:52.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

01:53:54.000 The real problem is when you break up.

01:53:56.000 My buddy who went through this horrific, horrific divorce, he married a new woman after that, and she didn't want to sign a prenup. 0.99

01:54:04.000 And he was going fucking crazy. 0.77

01:54:06.000 And everyone was screaming at him, all of his friends, like, do not do this. 0.98

01:54:11.000 You have to sign up.

01:54:12.000 She's like, you're saying that it's not going to work.

01:54:15.000 He's like, no, because if it doesn't work, then the prenup doesn't mean anything.

01:54:19.000 Yeah, and he has a history.

01:54:21.000 No, he's saying if it doesn't work, the prenup is valuable.

01:54:23.000 It comes in handy.

01:54:24.000 But if it does, what I'm saying is, if this marriage works, if you do your part, I do my part, we work it out, we make it beautiful, we stay together forever, the prenup doesn't mean shit.

01:54:32.000 Right.

01:54:33.000 Because we'll be together forever.

01:54:34.000 Right.

01:54:35.000 So if the marriage is going to work out, it only means something if it doesn't work out.

01:54:40.000 If you're looking at it as an investment.

01:54:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:42.000 So what she's hoping for, or what she's saying essentially is, if it doesn't work out, I want you to get fucked over again! 1.00

01:54:48.000 Right. 0.99

01:54:49.000 And you're protecting yourself. 1.00

01:54:50.000 You're protecting yourself from the legal system that's set up to fuck you if you and I don't want to be together anymore. 1.00

01:54:58.000 You have to get punished. 1.00

01:54:59.000 You must be punished financially.

01:55:01.000 And he has a whole story that he can hold up in front of her.

01:55:04.000 Like, you know why I'm suffering.

01:55:05.000 And he works, like, long-ass hours.

01:55:07.000 So what'd he do?

01:55:08.000 He's got a prenup.

01:55:09.000 He does.

01:55:10.000 He got through it.

01:55:10.000 He wouldn't do it.

01:55:12.000 How could you?

01:55:13.000 The beating that he took.

01:55:15.000 He lost a house.

01:55:17.000 The whole story is comical.

01:55:19.000 The ex-wife lives in with a guy now, but she's not allowed to. 1.00

01:55:23.000 So when they go to inspect the house, the guy literally puts all his stuff in a U-Haul, drives around the corner, waits for the inspector to leave, and drives back.

01:55:30.000 It's a game.

01:55:32.000 Can't he get a private investigator or something?

01:55:34.000 Doesn't matter.

01:55:35.000 You have to prove it.

01:55:36.000 The private investigator, what evidence he discovers, there's only so much privacy you can violate in someone's home.

01:55:43.000 It's not his home.

01:55:45.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:55:45.000 It's not like his own home where he could put a camera in his own home and catch his wife banging some fucking personal trainer. 1.00

01:55:51.000 This is not that. 0.99

01:55:52.000 This is her house now.

01:55:54.000 By the way, multi-million dollar house in the Palisades.

01:55:57.000 Really?

01:55:58.000 Overlooking the ocean.

01:55:59.000 No.

01:56:00.000 All hers.

01:56:01.000 Oh, God.

01:56:03.000 Oh, it hurts.

01:56:04.000 When you find out what can happen to you in a divorce, it's horrific.

01:56:08.000 But what happens if he seriously gets a job working at a diner and is like, no one will hire me?

01:56:15.000 He would have to go back to court and he would have to figure out a way to get a judge to agree to lower the terms.

01:56:20.000 But the problem is he's responsible for maintaining her lifestyle.

01:56:25.000 So if he takes that job, he could actually be put in prison?

01:56:28.000 Yes.

01:56:28.000 Because he's not making enough?

01:56:30.000 Exactly.

01:56:30.000 Holy cow.

01:56:31.000 Well, he would have to get a judge that agrees to lower the lifestyle that he's obligated to maintain.

01:56:39.000 He's obligated to maintain a certain lifestyle for her.

01:56:42.000 Oh my god.

01:56:43.000 It's insane.

01:56:44.000 That's insane.

01:56:44.000 Because we're not talking about subsistence.

01:56:48.000 We're not talking about like you have to give her $50,000 a year and that's enough for her to survive on and that way she doesn't have to get a job. 1.00

01:56:56.000 Or maybe you have to give her $100,000 for two years until she can figure out how to get a job. 1.00

01:57:02.000 Like She's a human being.

01:57:03.000 She's a person.

01:57:04.000 Yeah, she's intelligent.

01:57:05.000 She's articulate.

01:57:06.000 She has an education.

01:57:07.000 She's not a handicapped person. 0.96

01:57:09.000 She's not diseased.

01:57:10.000 She's not broken, like where she can't work.

01:57:13.000 She doesn't have feet. 0.99

01:57:15.000 She's like a regular person.

01:57:16.000 Right.

01:57:16.000 She's a regular person.

01:57:18.000 It's fucking madness. 1.00

01:57:20.000 Wow. 1.00

01:57:20.000 I mean, it is truly madness. 1.00

01:57:23.000 It's really the worst case scenario.

01:57:24.000 But you know, the thing is, unless you're with these people, you don't know these stories.

01:57:29.000 Right.

01:57:29.000 Unless you know someone that's gone through this, you don't know these stories.

01:57:32.000 Yeah.

01:57:32.000 And then when you hear these men's rights groups, and then you hear feminists mock men's rights groups, like, this is...

01:57:43.000 Right.

01:57:57.000 What do you care? 1.00

01:57:58.000 If you're trapped in some office with some man-hating woman and she has a position above you and she's making your life hell, well, that's no different than being trapped in an office with some sexist pig man. 0.99

01:58:09.000 If you're a woman, it's terrible if someone is gender-specifically biased in any way, shape, or form. 0.99

01:58:15.000 But unless you see the devastation, it overwhelms someone's life.

01:58:21.000 Dave Foley's life, from the time that I met him to the time that he got divorced when he was on news radio, his life has been overwhelmingly influenced by this woman that he used to be married to that he doesn't even know anymore.

01:58:35.000 I mean, he doesn't see her anymore.

01:58:37.000 He hasn't had sex with her in decades.

01:58:40.000 Oh, yeah.

01:58:41.000 But they're still inexorably connected financially and it has ruined his life.

01:58:46.000 These are just two people I know.

01:58:48.000 Two successful men who have to pay the women that they used to sleep with more than 20 years ago.

01:58:54.000 They have to pay them forever.

01:58:57.000 Oh my god.

01:58:58.000 And that's just one story.

01:59:00.000 And the problem is the court system.

01:59:03.000 And this is one of the things that I was going over with Phil Hartman before his wife murdered him. 0.99

01:59:07.000 I was telling him, you know, I grew up in a really fucked up house. 0.97

01:59:14.000 When I was little, my parents split up when I was young. 0.98

01:59:17.000 There was violence. 0.99

01:59:18.000 And my mom, when my dad hit my mom, my mom got her shit and got the fuck out. 1.00

01:59:24.000 I saw it. 1.00

01:59:25.000 I saw him hit her.

01:59:26.000 And then we moved to my grandfather's house immediately afterwards.

01:59:31.000 We were out.

01:59:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:59:32.000 And apparently he had done it before, and he terrorized her, and she was like, fuck this. 0.99

01:59:37.000 We're gone, right? 1.00

01:59:38.000 So in my mind, when shit goes bad, you gotta fucking pull strings. 1.00

01:59:43.000 Just get out. 1.00

01:59:44.000 Just get out.

01:59:45.000 So I was telling Phil, I go, dude, get out of there, man.

01:59:48.000 Just get out.

01:59:49.000 And he was like, it's not that simple.

01:59:51.000 He's like, you don't give half.

01:59:53.000 I was like, give her half.

01:59:55.000 He's like, it's not half.

01:59:56.000 He goes, it's two thirds. 1.00

01:59:57.000 Because the fucking lawyers get a third. 1.00

01:59:59.000 He goes, it's a business. 1.00

02:00:00.000 He's like, you have to understand, there's a business involved in law.

02:00:03.000 There's a business involved in divorce. 0.93

02:00:04.000 First of all, he had to pay for her lawyer.

02:00:06.000 He's like, I have to pay for her lawyer.

02:00:08.000 I have to pay for my lawyer.

02:00:09.000 And there's two lawyers.

02:00:10.000 They're going to battle it out and they're going to drag it out as long as possible to make the most money on the case.

02:00:14.000 Just ruin your life.

02:00:16.000 Oh, well, they get a percentage and they get paid by the hour.

02:00:19.000 So the whole thing is just brutality.

02:00:22.000 Just keep it going.

02:00:22.000 It's brutality.

02:00:23.000 And if you have somebody who's a little off, you can just keep fueling the fire.

02:00:26.000 She'll just keep it going.

02:00:27.000 Well, you know Carl LeBeau?

02:00:29.000 Yeah.

02:00:29.000 Okay, how about this one?

02:00:30.000 Carl LeBeau, who used to be in the Outlaws of Comedy with Sam Kinison. 0.99

02:00:34.000 Sam Kinison fucked Carl LeBeau's wife and got her pregnant. 0.96

02:00:38.000 Carl LeBeau was raising Sam Kinison's child thinking it was his own. 1.00

02:00:43.000 Right.

02:00:43.000 He got a DNA test after Sam Kinison died, found out it wasn't his child, tried to get out of paying child support, and they said, no, you have to pay child support forever.

02:00:54.000 So Carla Bow owes hundreds of thousands of dollars. 1.00

02:00:59.000 For Sam's baby.

02:01:00.000 For Sam's baby. 1.00

02:01:01.000 He's fucked. 1.00

02:01:03.000 His credit is ruined. 1.00

02:01:05.000 He doesn't have a car.

02:01:06.000 I mean, he's devastated by all this.

02:01:09.000 Just a working comic.

02:01:11.000 Just a comic.

02:01:12.000 Yeah.

02:01:12.000 I mean, a road comic.

02:01:14.000 Road comic.

02:01:14.000 A guy who does well.

02:01:16.000 He does headlines.

02:01:18.000 But he can't...

02:01:19.000 Wait, it's not like a...

02:01:20.000 Yeah, but so he tried to fight it and lost.

02:01:22.000 And so now, because he lost, he has to pay.

02:01:25.000 But he's responsible for another man's child.

02:01:28.000 Like, his wife had an affair.

02:01:29.000 And it doesn't matter.

02:01:31.000 Why does that not matter?

02:01:32.000 Because we are living in a system... 1.00

02:01:35.000 Look, women are fucked over in this country. 1.00

02:01:38.000 Let's just make this a caveat. 1.00

02:01:40.000 Women get fucked over in this country all the time. 1.00

02:01:42.000 I mean, there's absolutely, besides what we're talking about with men that are willing to drop pills and girls' drinks, There's women that work in offices with pieces of shit for bosses and they sexually harass them and fuck with them and make their life horrible and create this boys club environment that makes it terrible for them to work in. 1.00

02:02:01.000 There's absolutely that. 0.99

02:02:02.000 But when it comes to divorce and when it comes to a man who makes money and the preying upon that man that happens, it's horrific.

02:02:14.000 It's horrific.

02:02:15.000 That should be a documentary.

02:02:17.000 Someone should follow those stories around.

02:02:19.000 Really?

02:02:20.000 Because people don't know those stories.

02:02:22.000 Yeah, and Inconvenient Truth is another one.

02:02:25.000 Another Inconvenient Truth.

02:02:26.000 So it's bad, man.

02:02:29.000 There's a lot of people that get devastated.

02:02:29.000 What state was LeBeau in?

02:02:30.000 What was that?

02:02:31.000 California.

02:02:31.000 That was California.

02:02:32.000 California has that law.

02:02:34.000 And in some ways, I kind of understand.

02:02:37.000 I have a stepdaughter, and she's, as far as I feel, she's my daughter.

02:02:41.000 I mean, I treat her like she's my daughter.

02:02:43.000 And if I found out that one of my actual daughters was actually not my biological daughter, I wouldn't love them any less.

02:02:51.000 I wouldn't want my wife to get giant chunks of money because of it, but if it was about supporting the kid, I would never change that.

02:03:00.000 I would never change that.

02:03:02.000 But his case is more than that?

02:03:03.000 It's to support her also? 0.97

02:03:05.000 Well, that's not a fucked up situation, man. 0.99

02:03:07.000 It's goddamn Sam Kinison. 0.99

02:03:08.000 Like, why doesn't the Sam Kinison estate? 0.99

02:03:10.000 I mean, how much money are they making?

02:03:12.000 Right.

02:03:12.000 How come they're not?

02:03:13.000 Why don't they pay it? 0.96

02:03:14.000 Right.

02:03:15.000 That's his kid.

02:03:15.000 You're talking about a wealthy man who died, who's one of the greatest comics who ever lived.

02:03:20.000 I can only assume.

02:03:21.000 Like, I read something the other day that said that Liverpool, just Liverpool, gets $100 million a year from the Beatles. 0.89

02:03:29.000 I don't know how the fuck that works.

02:03:31.000 But just the taxes involved, the amount of money that they generate from their portfolio. 0.97

02:03:37.000 Yeah, the taxes from all the sales.

02:03:39.000 Who knows, right?

02:03:40.000 You're not making much off Kinnison anymore, though.

02:03:42.000 Yeah, but Kinnison had to have generated a few million.

02:03:45.000 Yeah, but that's gone.

02:03:48.000 Right?

02:03:48.000 I mean, there's a whole generation that doesn't even know Sam anymore, unfortunately.

02:03:51.000 God, how is that possible?

02:03:52.000 Isn't that crazy?

02:03:53.000 There's a kid that does a great impression of Kinison and he went up at the Laugh Factory.

02:03:57.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:03:58.000 And no one...

02:03:59.000 These kids at the Laugh Factory have no idea who he's talking about.

02:04:02.000 Well, that's the thing.

02:04:03.000 We were talking about this OJ case.

02:04:04.000 Yeah.

02:04:05.000 Like, you and I, we were around when the OJ trial was going on.

02:04:09.000 Right. 0.96

02:04:09.000 But a lot of kids today, they don't even fucking have any idea what this is about. 0.96

02:04:13.000 No clue. 0.98

02:04:13.000 No idea. 0.98

02:04:14.000 We're old, dude.

02:04:15.000 How old are you?

02:04:16.000 I know.

02:04:17.000 How old are you?

02:04:17.000 39. I'm 48. Ah, so am I. How old are you for real?

02:04:23.000 47, yeah.

02:04:24.000 That's funny.

02:04:25.000 Yeah.

02:04:27.000 Yeah.

02:04:28.000 It gets you, man. 0.99

02:04:29.000 It's all of a sudden, you're like, holy shit, we've been around. 1.00

02:04:34.000 We've seen some shit. 0.99

02:04:35.000 But then you see people older, I always gravitate towards those people. 0.99

02:04:38.000 I'm like, he's still rocking it.

02:04:39.000 He's still going.

02:04:40.000 Some people are, but less.

02:04:42.000 Yeah.

02:04:43.000 Less.

02:04:43.000 Why?

02:04:44.000 Because they die?

02:04:45.000 Yeah.

02:04:46.000 Jamie and I were just talking about this.

02:04:50.000 Me and Brian Callen, we were doing this podcast the other day.

02:04:55.000 We do this podcast called The Fight Companion.

02:04:59.000 We watch the UFC fights and we talk about fighting. 0.92

02:05:02.000 We get drunk and get retarded. 0.96

02:05:04.000 That sounds good.

02:05:06.000 Little exchanges that we have, Brian was throwing kicks, and I was teaching him how to throw kicks right.

02:05:10.000 And one of the things that people were saying, like, these guys are 50, how are they even doing that?

02:05:13.000 Right.

02:05:14.000 Jesus Christ, like, they think we're dead.

02:05:16.000 But then I'm like, well, how many people do I know that are 50 that are taking care of themselves?

02:05:19.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:05:20.000 It gets to a number.

02:05:21.000 I know. 0.99

02:05:22.000 You know, I'm 48 fucking years old. 0.98

02:05:25.000 When I'm 90, I'm probably not going to be able to do any of these things. 0.98

02:05:29.000 That's just a fact.

02:05:30.000 So I'm halfway to not being mobile.

02:05:32.000 To do any of that.

02:05:33.000 Yeah, man.

02:05:34.000 I mean, at what level or what age do you get where your body just doesn't work right anymore?

02:05:39.000 Well, that's the thing.

02:05:40.000 If you're active, you got to stay active.

02:05:42.000 You got to stay.

02:05:43.000 I mean, no joke.

02:05:44.000 And when going to that yoga class where it's, you know, the after drop-off and there's some older people...

02:05:49.000 To see a 70-year-old woman in there standing on her head and doing a backward backbend, because she kept doing that, that's why she's able to do that now. 1.00

02:06:00.000 That's one of the things.

02:06:01.000 The place that I go to has some really good instructors, and one of the things that this lady was talking about was she's in her... 0.63

02:06:07.000 I want to say she's in her 60s.

02:06:09.000 And she was saying that if you just maintain your practice and keep doing it, you can be healthy and mobile deep into your 90s.

02:06:16.000 And a lot of it is just people neglecting their body.

02:06:19.000 Atrophy.

02:06:20.000 Where?

02:06:21.000 Just, yeah.

02:06:21.000 You see people that can't even touch their toes anymore.

02:06:24.000 It's weird.

02:06:25.000 You've got to go to the gym.

02:06:26.000 And as you get older, one really important thing is lifting weights.

02:06:30.000 It's very important for older people because you need to maintain muscle mass just to avoid being injured and bone density.

02:06:36.000 Don't they say you have to really max out as much as you can up to 50 because that's when you really start to fall off muscle-wise?

02:06:46.000 I don't know.

02:06:47.000 I haven't heard that.

02:06:49.000 I mean, you're slowly falling off from the time you're like 30. The whole key is just maintaining a level of activity.

02:06:58.000 You have to maintain a level of activity, but also maintain a level of maintenance.

02:07:04.000 And that's where I really love yoga. 0.91

02:07:06.000 Because yoga is taking care of a lot of like weird back pains that I used to have and hip pains and weird shit.

02:07:12.000 It's weird, isn't it?

02:07:13.000 All of a sudden, all this goes away.

02:07:14.000 All that tension's kind of gone.

02:07:16.000 It's amazing.

02:07:17.000 It is amazing. 1.00

02:07:18.000 There's a reason why those skinny motherfuckers in India have been doing it for a thousand years. 1.00

02:07:21.000 You're right. 1.00

02:07:22.000 It's really good for you.

02:07:23.000 I know.

02:07:24.000 Do you do it high?

02:07:25.000 You ever do it high?

02:07:26.000 No.

02:07:26.000 No?

02:07:27.000 No?

02:07:28.000 No?

02:07:29.000 No.

02:07:29.000 Really?

02:07:30.000 Yeah.

02:07:31.000 That's the way to do it.

02:07:32.000 Do you get high?

02:07:33.000 How often do you get high?

02:07:33.000 Not that often anymore.

02:07:35.000 What does that mean?

02:07:36.000 Once a month?

02:07:37.000 Once a year?

02:07:37.000 Once every couple of months.

02:07:39.000 Yeah.

02:07:39.000 You should do it.

02:07:40.000 I want to do it all the time.

02:07:42.000 If you don't have anything to do during the day...

02:07:44.000 When does that happen?

02:07:46.000 Just take a day. 0.99

02:07:47.000 Take a day where you tell your agent or whoever the fuck it is that bothers you. 0.99

02:07:51.000 Say, listen, Tom Papa's off the fucking grid today. 0.99

02:07:53.000 Then I'm also telling my wife I'm not picking the kids up and I'm not doing the dinner. 0.99

02:07:57.000 No.

02:07:57.000 What time do you have to pick your kids up?

02:07:59.000 Four.

02:08:00.000 Four.

02:08:00.000 You're good.

02:08:01.000 Take a 9 a.m.

02:08:02.000 class, you'll be fine.

02:08:03.000 Right.

02:08:03.000 Yeah, just get barbecued.

02:08:05.000 Drop the kids off.

02:08:06.000 Drop the kids off.

02:08:07.000 Take four strong hits and go to yoga class.

02:08:09.000 Really?

02:08:09.000 You will feel your body in a way where you've never felt it before.

02:08:12.000 You'll feel like your vertebrae stretching in the...

02:08:15.000 Tissue in your neck loosening and it's like...

02:08:18.000 I'm doing that tomorrow.

02:08:19.000 Well, that's one of the secrets of the sadhus and the yogis of India is they would smoke all these chillums.

02:08:27.000 They would smoke hash.

02:08:28.000 They were all hash heads. 1.00

02:08:29.000 And they would go and do their practice.

02:08:32.000 Really?

02:08:32.000 It's a big part of it.

02:08:33.000 Yeah.

02:08:34.000 I'm going to try it.

02:08:34.000 I want it so bad.

02:08:35.000 I can completely...

02:08:37.000 Yeah.

02:08:37.000 Can feel it.

02:08:38.000 For the first time in my life, I've always been active.

02:08:40.000 For the first time in my life, I have this issue...

02:08:43.000 Where I've got a muscle under here, under the first rib, that's tight.

02:08:47.000 And it's affecting back here down to my arm.

02:08:51.000 Affecting how?

02:08:53.000 It's cutting off whatever nerves are running down here.

02:08:56.000 Oh.

02:08:57.000 It's like, it's constricting, it's raising this rib.

02:09:01.000 It's actually, it's just all tight.

02:09:03.000 The muscle's tightened, the rib is pulled up, and it's pinching on the stuff that's coming down.

02:09:09.000 Do you feel any numbness?

02:09:10.000 Sometimes.

02:09:11.000 Okay.

02:09:12.000 Yeah.

02:09:12.000 And so I'm going to this great guy, Colin Ello.

02:09:15.000 He's great.

02:09:15.000 He works with the Clippers and stuff.

02:09:16.000 And he knows exactly where it is.

02:09:18.000 And it's helping.

02:09:19.000 But he's like, do not sleep on your stomach.

02:09:23.000 He just goes in and loosens it up.

02:09:25.000 And it's basically just kind of releasing the tension of it.

02:09:27.000 Deep tissue.

02:09:28.000 And it's working.

02:09:29.000 I feel it.

02:09:30.000 You know, it's only a couple times.

02:09:32.000 And there's two parts to this.

02:09:34.000 One is, I can't sleep.

02:09:36.000 I sleep on my stomach.

02:09:37.000 With my head to the side.

02:09:39.000 I used to do that. 1.00

02:09:40.000 I fucked my neck up doing that. 0.99

02:09:41.000 That's exactly what happened. 0.99

02:09:42.000 And it's really, that's the cause of it.

02:09:45.000 But my sleep, I'm used to doing that my whole life.

02:09:50.000 Now I'm laying on my back.

02:09:52.000 It's so hard to sleep.

02:09:54.000 I lay on my side.

02:09:55.000 You do?

02:09:56.000 Yeah, I lay on my side.

02:09:56.000 I put a pillow in between my legs and I lay on my side.

02:10:00.000 This is, I literally, when I was driving here, I was like, Joe will know.

02:10:02.000 Yeah.

02:10:03.000 I had the same exact issue, by the way.

02:10:05.000 You did.

02:10:05.000 Yeah.

02:10:06.000 Before, I hurt my neck.

02:10:07.000 I've hurt my neck from jujitsu, but before I did that, I started developing problems in my neck from laying down.

02:10:12.000 That's it.

02:10:13.000 Yeah.

02:10:13.000 I had no idea it was just from laying down on your stomach.

02:10:16.000 Especially if you lay down flat and turn your head the same way.

02:10:20.000 Right.

02:10:20.000 Always turn your head to the right.

02:10:21.000 Always. 1.00

02:10:22.000 You're fucked. 1.00

02:10:22.000 Always. 1.00

02:10:23.000 Have you ever heard of those cab drivers who develop swollen discs or bulging discs because they sit with a wallet in their pocket?

02:10:29.000 Oh, right. 0.92

02:10:30.000 Because just that lifting of your butt cheek an inch on one side fucks your back up. 0.97

02:10:36.000 Repeatedly. 0.77

02:10:37.000 So that's what you're doing when you're sleeping.

02:10:39.000 Yeah, it's really bad for you.

02:10:41.000 Tissue is really pliable, man.

02:10:42.000 It is.

02:10:43.000 And then everything's out of whack, so you have to kind of reset it.

02:10:47.000 He'll reset me, and then it's like, all right, just don't lift your arm and try and be cool, and just kind of let it learn that it's back in its place.

02:10:54.000 You see that little ball, that little blue ball right here?

02:10:57.000 Hold on a second.

02:10:58.000 Yeah.

02:10:58.000 A little blue one behind the creepy guy.

02:11:02.000 Oh, this heavy?

02:11:03.000 Oh, what's this?

02:11:04.000 That's called a mobility wad supernova.

02:11:08.000 That's a smaller one.

02:11:10.000 I actually prefer...

02:11:11.000 There's a larger one that we have around here somewhere.

02:11:13.000 I give them to people because I want people to use these things.

02:11:16.000 People have sore backs.

02:11:17.000 What you do is you put it on the ground or on a wall.

02:11:20.000 And you back up against it and put your weight on it, and you rub it up and down.

02:11:25.000 You roll the ball, and it breaks up all the scar tissue and loosens up all the tendons and all the fascia.

02:11:33.000 It's painful, but if you can bite your teeth and get through it, it'll make a significant difference in loosening up your muscles.

02:11:41.000 It's such a strange idea.

02:11:43.000 Like, I've never had any issue.

02:11:44.000 I've worked out.

02:11:45.000 I was an athlete my whole life.

02:11:46.000 I never literally have ever been like, oh, that hurt for the first time.

02:11:50.000 And I had no idea the concept that all the tissue and tendons are just tightening and I'm just ending up like a hunchback.

02:12:00.000 Well, that's one of the things that pot will help. 0.97

02:12:02.000 Yeah.

02:12:03.000 Because you feel all those things.

02:12:04.000 You feel all those tense.

02:12:05.000 Like marijuana, it's almost like whatever sensitivity you have about your body awareness ramps it up to 10. I mean, it's why sex feels so good when you smoke.

02:12:15.000 Right.

02:12:15.000 Because it just ramps up all the feeling.

02:12:18.000 Right.

02:12:18.000 It changes the way you interface with the nerve endings.

02:12:21.000 Right.

02:12:22.000 I'm scared now to lift.

02:12:23.000 For the first time, I'm not lifting.

02:12:25.000 Really?

02:12:26.000 For, like, since, like, October.

02:12:28.000 Ooh, that's not good, because that'll fuck it up even more.

02:12:30.000 Is that right? 0.99

02:12:32.000 Yeah, you lose strength in your back.

02:12:33.000 Right.

02:12:34.000 You need to go to a personal trainer that understands how to strengthen that area to keep this whole thing from happening.

02:12:39.000 Right.

02:12:39.000 I mean, he works with the Clippers, and he's, I mean, two times, and it's like, all right, we're on to it.

02:12:44.000 Yeah.

02:12:45.000 Sounds like you have a good massage therapist guy, right?

02:12:47.000 That's what he does?

02:12:48.000 He's massage therapy?

02:12:49.000 He's like a chiropractor. 1.00

02:12:51.000 See, I think chiropractors are mostly bullshit. 1.00

02:12:53.000 I don't know if he's a physical therapist or a chiropractor. 1.00

02:12:55.000 I don't know what he is. 1.00

02:12:56.000 I think chiropractors are mostly bullshit. 1.00

02:12:58.000 Yeah, well, I've been to some bullshit ones. 1.00

02:13:00.000 They're all like backcracking and nonsense. 0.99

02:13:01.000 Yeah, he does crack you. 1.00

02:13:02.000 Yeah, I think they're mostly bullshit. 0.99

02:13:04.000 But one of the things that they do do is all the other stuff outside of backcracking, like cold lasers work and massage work. 1.00

02:13:12.000 Right.

02:13:12.000 There's a lot of other different effective methods of alleviating pressure and tension that work.

02:13:18.000 But all that backcracking stuff, if you talk to most people that study it and then try to figure out what exactly they're doing, they're like, they're not doing anything.

02:13:29.000 They're popping things in place. 0.82

02:13:30.000 And if you have something really fucked up, yeah, maybe. 0.69

02:13:33.000 Maybe if something's really out of whack and they can straighten it out. 0.90

02:13:36.000 But most of the time, that's not what's going on.

02:13:38.000 Most of the time, you're just getting this sort of placebo effect where they're pushing on your back and making a noise.

02:13:42.000 Pop! 0.87

02:13:43.000 Pop! 0.87

02:13:43.000 Oh, we got it. 0.87

02:13:44.000 We got it.

02:13:45.000 You're good, Tom.

02:13:45.000 You're like, I'm good.

02:13:46.000 I'm good.

02:13:47.000 I'm good.

02:13:48.000 I feel great.

02:13:49.000 Now, this guy...

02:13:50.000 I mean, I was really a mess.

02:13:52.000 I mean, I literally...

02:13:53.000 I couldn't go like this without this just going numb.

02:13:56.000 And he got...

02:13:58.000 I mean, he was just like, no, it's right in here.

02:14:01.000 And then I was like, cool for...

02:14:03.000 You know, a week.

02:14:04.000 And then I'm sleeping.

02:14:05.000 I'm literally in my coach.

02:14:06.000 Well, you've got to do it every week.

02:14:07.000 Yeah.

02:14:08.000 You've got to loosen it up.

02:14:09.000 I mean, it sounds like you have a real serious...

02:14:11.000 Have you ever had rolfing done?

02:14:13.000 Mm-mm.

02:14:14.000 Rolfing is like a very painful method of deep tissue massage where they're stretching out your fascia and loosening up all these binding connective scar tissue, all that stuff.

02:14:25.000 And that can be super effective.

02:14:28.000 It's all the scar tissue just from whatever abuse you did in life.

02:14:31.000 Just life.

02:14:31.000 Yeah.

02:14:32.000 Muscle pulls that heal funny.

02:14:33.000 Oh, really?

02:14:34.000 It heal, tense up.

02:14:35.000 I mean, especially if you have a bad pull.

02:14:36.000 Right.

02:14:36.000 I've had a bunch of them.

02:14:38.000 There's scar tissue all over my back.

02:14:40.000 But I think yoga fixed a lot of it.

02:14:42.000 Like, really a lot.

02:14:43.000 I don't have any back issues now.

02:14:45.000 But I do feel like, as much as I love yoga, I do feel like you have to keep lifting.

02:14:49.000 Yes.

02:14:50.000 And I haven't, literally, because this started becoming a problem, like, around October, November.

02:14:54.000 Yeah.

02:14:54.000 And I literally feel, like, soft.

02:14:56.000 Yeah.

02:14:57.000 Yeah, there's people that don't think that, and I just don't think they're right.

02:15:01.000 If you talk to people that are experts in physical culture, people that really understand what you need to do to keep your body at its most effective operating level, and they say it's a bunch of different stuff.

02:15:14.000 It's like you have to do cardio, you have to lift weights, you have to stretch.

02:15:18.000 Yoga is part of that.

02:15:19.000 Yeah, it's part of it.

02:15:20.000 I was just in Hawaii doing a gig, and I'm at the pool.

02:15:25.000 And just like, you know, they have the no kids pool, like the serenity pool kind of thing.

02:15:29.000 So I'm there.

02:15:30.000 So it's all guys that are like, you know, late 30s to mid 60s.

02:15:36.000 Every guy walking around, there was like guys that were athletic, you know, like you could tell.

02:15:41.000 And then there's guys that are a complete mess.

02:15:43.000 And then there's a whole bunch in the middle.

02:15:45.000 The dad bod.

02:15:46.000 The dad bod.

02:15:47.000 A little pudgy and no shoulders.

02:15:50.000 They all, their shoulders have disappeared.

02:15:51.000 You can just see it's just a bone.

02:15:53.000 A bone.

02:15:54.000 I don't want to be...

02:15:55.000 Ready to tear off.

02:15:57.000 It's really what it looks like.

02:15:58.000 Try to pick up a suitcase and just...

02:15:59.000 Yeah!

02:16:01.000 Just from your basic life.

02:16:02.000 It's like, you can't end up like that.

02:16:04.000 No.

02:16:05.000 You can't.

02:16:06.000 Well, some people, they don't have a job like we have.

02:16:09.000 I know, it's hard. 0.97

02:16:10.000 That's what I was talking about, my friend who got divorced and fucked over. 0.99

02:16:13.000 That guy works 12 hours a day. 0.98

02:16:15.000 Yeah, when's he gonna go to the gym?

02:16:17.000 He probably would be better off, though.

02:16:18.000 He gets a trainer and sometimes he goes on his lunch break and stuff like that, but the reality is, he's working.

02:16:23.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

02:16:25.000 He's gotta pay for his fucking divorce. 0.99

02:16:28.000 But if he can work out, then it's kind of like you're anti-depressant. 1.00

02:16:32.000 He should move to Argentina. 1.00

02:16:33.000 He should just stockpile all of his cash, get a fake fucking passport, and just, you're on your own, hooker! 1.00

02:16:38.000 And just go. 1.00

02:16:38.000 They can't come get you, right? 1.00

02:16:40.000 If they don't know where he is, they can't come get you.

02:16:43.000 I mean, it's not like he's...

02:16:44.000 But if they do, I couldn't live with the paranoia.

02:16:46.000 That's true, especially if it's my pot.

02:16:48.000 You're on the beach, having a great time.

02:16:52.000 This is the life.

02:16:53.000 Unless they catch me, and then it's not the life.

02:16:55.000 Do you have a card?

02:16:56.000 Then it's life in prison!

02:16:56.000 Do you have a card?

02:16:57.000 Yeah.

02:16:59.000 Everybody does.

02:16:59.000 You don't have one?

02:17:00.000 I don't.

02:17:00.000 I'll get you one.

02:17:01.000 I've been so out of it.

02:17:02.000 Come on.

02:17:03.000 It's not hard.

02:17:04.000 I know.

02:17:04.000 Just bring you to a place.

02:17:06.000 This is Tom Pompa.

02:17:07.000 Hi, Tom.

02:17:07.000 What's going on?

02:17:08.000 I need pot. 0.91

02:17:09.000 Okay.

02:17:10.000 Man, I'm so out of it.

02:17:12.000 I was every day for like a decade and then just...

02:17:16.000 Stopped.

02:17:17.000 Stopped.

02:17:18.000 It's hard when you have responsibilities too.

02:17:20.000 And I wasn't as funny.

02:17:21.000 It was hurting my funny.

02:17:22.000 Was it really?

02:17:23.000 It was making me lethargic.

02:17:24.000 Oh, you're one of those guys.

02:17:26.000 Yeah, it was making me not as funny.

02:17:30.000 Well, there's different kinds of pot, too.

02:17:31.000 And there's different reactions that people have to pot.

02:17:34.000 Like, some people pot...

02:17:35.000 Pot makes me more active, believe it or not.

02:17:37.000 Yeah.

02:17:38.000 Kind of ramps me up.

02:17:39.000 Some pot.

02:17:39.000 Yeah, sativas especially.

02:17:41.000 Right.

02:17:41.000 Yeah, it makes me, like, really, like, ramped up.

02:17:44.000 Uh-huh. 0.99

02:17:44.000 Like, I want to, like, go watch documentaries on space and write shit down. 0.99

02:17:48.000 Right, right. 0.97

02:17:49.000 Like, sometimes I'll smoke pot before I get in the sensory deprivation tank, and I don't even get in the tank because I have an idea and I have to write.

02:17:55.000 Right.

02:17:56.000 And then I just find myself in front of my computer for hours just writing.

02:17:58.000 That's the best.

02:17:58.000 Sativa does that?

02:17:59.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:18:01.000 And what's the other kind?

02:18:03.000 Indica.

02:18:04.000 Indica is like the couch weed. 0.98

02:18:05.000 That's the physical.

02:18:06.000 That's like, boy.

02:18:07.000 They're both physical.

02:18:08.000 Yeah.

02:18:09.000 They're both, but it's not, it's more of a sedative.

02:18:11.000 Right, right, right.

02:18:12.000 More of, it's great for people in pain.

02:18:14.000 Right.

02:18:15.000 People that are in a lot of pain love indica, like back pain, like, oh, just relaxes them.

02:18:20.000 Is there anything to what Neil Young was talking about of chewing coffee beans makes you less paranoid?

02:18:26.000 You ever heard that one?

02:18:28.000 Caffeine definitely alleviates a lot of the issues with THC. If you're really too high, the best thing you can do is drink something with caffeine in it.

02:18:37.000 Yeah, it severely mitigates the effects of THC. If you're fucking way too high, just go to Starbucks, get a venti coffee, and just sit down. 0.94

02:18:47.000 Right, relax a little. 0.99

02:18:48.000 The caffeine will have a pretty big impact on it.

02:18:51.000 Really?

02:18:51.000 But coffee beans, especially raw coffee beans, coffee beans are very healthy for you.

02:18:57.000 Yeah?

02:18:58.000 Yeah.

02:18:58.000 The actual bean itself, especially the outside of the coffee bean, the green part of the coffee bean, very high in antioxidants.

02:19:06.000 Yeah.

02:19:06.000 I figured Neil Young would know.

02:19:08.000 You know, it's funny.

02:19:09.000 It's kind of like when you come back to a sport.

02:19:11.000 I was into cycling for a while and then didn't do it and then came back eight years later and it's like the whole sport had changed.

02:19:17.000 It just evolved so quickly and everybody knew different carbon fiber and all this different kind of...

02:19:22.000 That's the same thing with weed.

02:19:23.000 It's like I've been out of it so long.

02:19:24.000 You come back and you're like, no, there's a whole bunch of new things now.

02:19:27.000 There's fake pens and sour gummies.

02:19:30.000 And dabs.

02:19:30.000 The kids try to get you to do dabs.

02:19:32.000 Dabs. 1.00

02:19:33.000 Those wacky fucking kids. 1.00

02:19:34.000 You ever heard of the dabs? 1.00

02:19:35.000 No.

02:19:35.000 Oh my god.

02:19:36.000 What's that? 1.00

02:19:37.000 It's really like you have all this equipment and you're taking THC wax and you fucking get a stick and a fucking torch. 1.00

02:19:47.000 It's stupid. 1.00

02:19:48.000 I want to go old school. 1.00

02:19:49.000 I want a big fluffy tree that I can see and feel.

02:19:53.000 How about joints?

02:19:54.000 Just a new simple joint.

02:19:55.000 Yeah.

02:19:56.000 You want to light this up right now?

02:19:57.000 Is this like a simple?

02:19:58.000 No.

02:19:58.000 No?

02:19:59.000 While we're here?

02:20:00.000 My Tesla will drive me home.

02:20:02.000 Yeah, just get your Tesla.

02:20:03.000 You carry him around in a case? 1.00

02:20:04.000 Yeah, like a fucking gentleman. 1.00

02:20:07.000 Then you got a show tonight. 0.99

02:20:08.000 Are you doing a show tonight?

02:20:10.000 Exactly.

02:20:12.000 I'll be out of my head.

02:20:13.000 I'll smoke this right before I go on stage.

02:20:15.000 Do you really?

02:20:16.000 Hell yeah.

02:20:17.000 You're like a Superman.

02:20:18.000 No, I'm like a normal person.

02:20:19.000 No, you're not.

02:20:20.000 You're the one that's got the issues, pal.

02:20:21.000 Yeah, I got issues.

02:20:23.000 That's normal.

02:20:24.000 People with issues is normal.

02:20:26.000 Someone that's mastering their issues.

02:20:28.000 Stuff's good for you.

02:20:29.000 I know it's good for you.

02:20:30.000 I'm going to crash my car if I start smoking it.

02:20:32.000 I'm trying to get your contact eye over here.

02:20:34.000 You want just a little tiny hint?

02:20:35.000 No.

02:20:37.000 What about your kids seeing you smoking online?

02:20:40.000 Well, keep them offline.

02:20:42.000 How old are they?

02:20:44.000 Well, the youngest ones are seven and five.

02:20:46.000 They're online and they see me smoking.

02:20:48.000 We've got a real problem.

02:20:49.000 Two more years.

02:20:50.000 Two more years.

02:20:51.000 It's 24 months to come up with an excuse.

02:20:53.000 They're going to go back.

02:20:54.000 Once they hit YouTube, they're just going to go through the files.

02:20:56.000 Yeah.

02:20:57.000 And that's what a dad does.

02:20:58.000 See this nice house we live in?

02:21:00.000 Yeah.

02:21:00.000 Daddy made this when he was high on marijuana.

02:21:02.000 Ha ha ha!

02:21:04.000 Marijuana's not bad for you.

02:21:05.000 I don't think it's bad for you.

02:21:07.000 It isn't bad.

02:21:08.000 It's bad for a kid, though.

02:21:09.000 Yes, it is bad for a kid.

02:21:09.000 You don't want your kids doing it.

02:21:10.000 But so is wine.

02:21:11.000 I drink wine in front of my children.

02:21:12.000 True.

02:21:13.000 I go to a restaurant, and I'll have a couple glasses of wine in front of my children.

02:21:17.000 And I don't have any problem with it.

02:21:19.000 I've let them taste it.

02:21:21.000 That's a good point.

02:21:22.000 I mean, they put it in their mouth like, it is getting good.

02:21:25.000 Right.

02:21:25.000 But wine is alcohol, and you could drink yourself to death.

02:21:29.000 You would drink yourself to death off of wine.

02:21:31.000 People have done it before.

02:21:32.000 It smells so good.

02:21:33.000 It smells great.

02:21:38.000 But there's nothing wrong with it, man. 1.00

02:21:40.000 It's bullshit. 0.99

02:21:40.000 No, I know. 0.99

02:21:41.000 It's all bullshit. 0.99

02:21:41.000 I was just in Hawaii and it was just so like... 0.99

02:21:44.000 Yeah.

02:21:45.000 Especially when you're in Hawaii.

02:21:46.000 Just made for it.

02:21:47.000 Oh, yeah.

02:21:48.000 Good lord.

02:21:49.000 It's just so perfect.

02:21:50.000 Hawaii has a meth problem.

02:21:52.000 Do they?

02:21:53.000 No.

02:21:53.000 Yeah.

02:21:54.000 A lot of poverty.

02:21:55.000 Yeah, well, I know.

02:21:57.000 There's parts of it that are...

02:21:58.000 It's just a regular place.

02:21:59.000 Yep.

02:22:00.000 But that drives me crazy, because I'm like, oh my god, you live in arguably the greatest spot on earth, and somehow or another people get hooked on meth there.

02:22:08.000 I know, and they're in a horrible strip mall, and ugh.

02:22:11.000 Sad.

02:22:12.000 It is paradise there, though. 1.00

02:22:13.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:22:13.000 If you do it right and stay in the right places. 1.00

02:22:15.000 Yeah.

02:22:16.000 The people are great, too.

02:22:17.000 They have a very relaxed attitude about life.

02:22:20.000 It's magical.

02:22:21.000 It literally...

02:22:22.000 I mean, you're just sitting there and...

02:22:24.000 In the middle of the ocean.

02:22:25.000 The middle of the ocean.

02:22:26.000 Yeah.

02:22:27.000 In this little island and all these other human beings, whatever their reason, have joined you on this island.

02:22:32.000 Yeah.

02:22:33.000 And there's this giant whale with its baby whale just dancing right next to you.

02:22:38.000 You go into the water, you hear them singing.

02:22:40.000 Yeah.

02:22:41.000 The stars, it's just...

02:22:43.000 Yeah, we were there with wild dolphins, and we were on this tour where you put on snorkel gear, and then they find the pods, and they pull the boat within maybe 50 yards of the pod, and then you dive in the water and swim over to the pods of dolphins.

02:23:00.000 No.

02:23:00.000 It was amazing.

02:23:02.000 Jeez. 1.00

02:23:03.000 But Hawaii's got a lot of fucking shark attacks, man. 1.00

02:23:05.000 They do. 0.99

02:23:06.000 I literally was like, why aren't there more shark attacks?

02:23:09.000 And when I got home, I looked it up.

02:23:10.000 There's a lot of shark attacks.

02:23:12.000 Well, while we were there, somebody got killed.

02:23:14.000 No. 0.99

02:23:15.000 Yeah, while we were there, a woman from Germany got fucking murked by a shark. 0.99

02:23:19.000 Just swimming? 0.99

02:23:20.000 Snorkeling?

02:23:20.000 Well, we've been there three times when people got jacked by sharks.

02:23:23.000 No.

02:23:23.000 Yep.

02:23:24.000 A woman got killed, and then another dude got his leg essentially ripped off.

02:23:29.000 He was a local Hawaiian kid who was surfing, and that was on the Big Island.

02:23:32.000 He got jacked.

02:23:33.000 That was another time we were there.

02:23:34.000 I was watching the news, and, you know, we're out there in the water. 0.90

02:23:37.000 Fucking calm as can be, snorkeling, having a good old time. 0.95

02:23:41.000 It's nerve-wracking. 0.98

02:23:43.000 That's scary.

02:23:43.000 I'm glad I didn't know that when I was out there trying to look for sea turtles.

02:23:46.000 Yeah.

02:23:47.000 2015 was apparently the biggest year ever recorded for shark attacks.

02:23:52.000 What's the change?

02:23:53.000 Climate change.

02:23:54.000 Ah, really?

02:23:55.000 Water's getting warmer.

02:23:56.000 And they're just hanging...

02:23:57.000 Less food?

02:23:59.000 They're mad.

02:24:00.000 They're mad at people for fucking up the water. 0.97

02:24:02.000 They know the people are to blame.

02:24:04.000 I don't know what the reason is, but I saw that recently.

02:24:07.000 It was a headline of one of the news stories over the last couple days.

02:24:11.000 The other thing that happens a lot in Hawaii, helicopter crashes.

02:24:14.000 They're not that infrequent.

02:24:16.000 Those tourist helicopters flipping around?

02:24:18.000 Oh, really?

02:24:19.000 That's a good list.

02:24:21.000 Really?

02:24:21.000 Yeah!

02:24:22.000 Dude, I've been on those things twice.

02:24:23.000 Me too!

02:24:24.000 How dare you.

02:24:25.000 Shouldn't do it. 1.00

02:24:25.000 How dare you fuck with me after I smoke pot? 1.00

02:24:27.000 Well, you ruined my Tesla experience. 1.00

02:24:28.000 Now I think someone's gonna send me into a tree.

02:24:32.000 Oh, man.

02:24:33.000 Look at that.

02:24:34.000 Record number of shark attacks in 2015, though only six deaths.

02:24:38.000 Oh, only six.

02:24:39.000 Well, imagine if the Wolfman only killed six people last year.

02:24:41.000 People are like, oh, it's fine to go outside with full moon.

02:24:44.000 Just get out in the woods.

02:24:45.000 There's not that many Wolfmen.

02:24:46.000 Yeah, but what about the Wolfman?

02:24:47.000 No, Wolfmen mostly eat deer.

02:24:49.000 Yeah.

02:24:50.000 What was the number of attacks?

02:24:53.000 If there's six deaths, how many attacks were there?

02:24:57.000 98. 98 in one year?

02:25:00.000 Yep, 98. Does that say 28 more?

02:25:03.000 26 more?

02:25:04.000 26 more?

02:25:04.000 Oh my god.

02:25:06.000 Jesus Christ, in the previous year.

02:25:07.000 Number of shark attacks worldwide, with 98 incidents, a whopping 26 more than the previous year.

02:25:13.000 And 40 more than the figure from the decade prior.

02:25:16.000 That's not Hawaii, though.

02:25:17.000 That's international.

02:25:18.000 Is it international?

02:25:19.000 Does it say that?

02:25:21.000 Worldwide.

02:25:21.000 That's not that bad if you think about it worldwide.

02:25:24.000 So the wolfman, if there's only like a few wolfmen out there worldwide, you'd be like, it's a full moon, but it's a nice full moon.

02:25:32.000 We'll go out, we'll hear the twigs snap, we'll know.

02:25:36.000 The werewolf is not stealthy. 1.00

02:25:38.000 They howl, they're assholes. 1.00

02:25:41.000 They're very arrogant. 1.00

02:25:42.000 They're scared of silver. 0.96

02:25:43.000 We're fine.

02:25:44.000 I don't have to go in the ocean, by the way.

02:25:46.000 I can go to Hawaii and sit on a beach and be happy.

02:25:49.000 Me too.

02:25:50.000 I don't have to go.

02:25:51.000 I'm not big on water stuff.

02:25:53.000 No, I used to as a kid.

02:25:55.000 Man, fishing in Hawaii is amazing.

02:25:58.000 Yeah?

02:25:58.000 Yeah, catching a fish and then bringing it back to the restaurant and they'll cook it for you.

02:26:02.000 Most hotels, they don't have a chef that you ask them.

02:26:06.000 If you go on a fishing trip, if you organize it, a lot of them, through the hotel, you organize it.

02:26:10.000 Out on a boat?

02:26:11.000 They have the little brochures, like, hey, this guy will take you out for this kind of fish.

02:26:16.000 Right.

02:26:16.000 So last time we went out, we called it Ono.

02:26:19.000 It's called Ono or Oahu, it's called.

02:26:21.000 So delicious, man.

02:26:23.000 Wow.

02:26:23.000 And the chef prepared it three different ways.

02:26:25.000 He grilled it, he baked it, and he served it as sashimi.

02:26:29.000 Oh, and he, no, four different ways, because he made a ceviche, too.

02:26:33.000 Oh, my God.

02:26:34.000 Oh, my God.

02:26:35.000 And it was like two hours old.

02:26:37.000 Geez.

02:26:38.000 I had ceviche, like that Costa Rica we came back.

02:26:42.000 And a guy just like there, like with all the, just like, you know.

02:26:46.000 Lime juice.

02:26:47.000 Dirt in a hose.

02:26:48.000 And he's just like...

02:26:48.000 Chopping up avocado.

02:26:50.000 Heaven.

02:26:51.000 So good.

02:26:51.000 Best thing you've ever eaten in your life.

02:26:53.000 Fish is one of those things where it tastes so much better when it's fresh.

02:26:57.000 Completely.

02:26:58.000 I know.

02:26:59.000 The opposite with meat.

02:27:00.000 Like meat actually tastes better when it sits for a while.

02:27:03.000 That's why we buy dry-aged meat.

02:27:05.000 Yeah, like sit in the...

02:27:06.000 Yeah.

02:27:07.000 A steakhouse just on a shelf for six months.

02:27:10.000 Like 35 degrees they do it at.

02:27:12.000 So it develops this sort of crust of bacteria on the outside.

02:27:16.000 35 degrees.

02:27:16.000 If you've ever been to a butcher shop and seen dry-aged meat, it will queer you off of meat for a while.

02:27:23.000 When it's green.

02:27:24.000 I don't know about all this, man.

02:27:26.000 By the way, queer you is not homophobic at all.

02:27:30.000 It's a perfectly reasonable...

02:27:32.000 Word to use.

02:27:33.000 It's in the dictionary.

02:27:34.000 It's a perfectly reasonable way to use it.

02:27:36.000 So it's a loophole. 0.67

02:27:38.000 But it looks rotten and black.

02:27:40.000 It looks like mold.

02:27:41.000 Oh, really?

02:27:42.000 Yeah, because the mold grows on the outside of the meat, and that's what's happening.

02:27:46.000 It's like bacteria is destroying the outside of the meat, and you cut that away.

02:27:50.000 And what's underneath is just tender and relaxed and delicious.

02:27:54.000 Sounds like my neck after...

02:27:57.000 Maybe you need some of that meat mold on your neck.

02:27:59.000 Have you ever gone to Africa?

02:28:02.000 No.

02:28:03.000 I'm going in July.

02:28:05.000 Why?!

02:28:07.000 Papa Bumbaye. 0.82

02:28:09.000 Papa Bumbaye. 0.82

02:28:10.000 I know a guy who knows a guy.

02:28:14.000 Are you working?

02:28:16.000 No.

02:28:17.000 It's a guy I worked for, though, who's very wealthy.

02:28:21.000 And I did a show for them, and they're sending my...

02:28:25.000 I just had to fly myself there with my family, and there's these luxury resorts and these national reserves in Tanzania.

02:28:33.000 Oh, whoa.

02:28:34.000 Fantastic.

02:28:34.000 For ten days.

02:28:35.000 So you're gonna be surrounded by like lions and shit? 0.99

02:28:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:38.000 Oh, Tom, Papa, please don't die. 1.00

02:28:40.000 Yes.

02:28:42.000 No, there's a lot of guys with guns that'll stand around you. 0.78

02:28:44.000 Do you know about the woman who was the editor, film editor, video editor from Game of Thrones?

02:28:48.000 No.

02:28:49.000 She got pulled out of her car by a lion and killed.

02:28:51.000 She did?

02:28:52.000 Yes.

02:28:52.000 What was she doing?

02:28:53.000 She was taking photographs and she rolled down the window to take a better picture and the lion grabbed her and pulled her out of the car and killed her in front of everybody.

02:29:01.000 There was nothing they could do about it.

02:29:03.000 That's not going to happen to us because we're not going to have windows.

02:29:09.000 And we won't make eye contact.

02:29:11.000 No cameras. 0.99

02:29:12.000 And I'm going to be armed to the tits. 0.99

02:29:14.000 I'll be honest with you. 0.99

02:29:15.000 I never had a burning desire.

02:29:17.000 Some places you want to get to.

02:29:18.000 I wanted to be in Italy.

02:29:21.000 Nothing in my soul was like Africa. 1.00

02:29:24.000 We must do Africa. 0.67

02:29:25.000 But this opportunity came up and it seems pretty amazing.

02:29:28.000 And I feel like the closer I get, the more amped I'm getting about it.

02:29:32.000 But he was like, I'm telling you, this will change your life.

02:29:36.000 You'll just see this planet differently once you go to Africa. 0.96

02:29:40.000 Africa.

02:29:41.000 You would like Africa, I would think. 0.95

02:29:42.000 I wouldn't like malaria.

02:29:43.000 So, I'll watch DVDs. 1.00

02:29:47.000 Fuck you and fuck the Zika virus. 1.00

02:29:51.000 I could see you in Africa. 1.00

02:29:53.000 You're adventurous.

02:29:54.000 Yes, I would go.

02:29:55.000 But I would definitely be worried about malaria.

02:29:58.000 Oh, I'm worried about a lot of things, for sure.

02:30:00.000 But I'm a big fan of wildlife.

02:30:02.000 I'm fascinated by the wildlife there, although the reality of these parks is almost artificial.

02:30:10.000 In a lot of ways.

02:30:11.000 Well, yeah.

02:30:12.000 How they maintain everything and they're doing it for tourist money.

02:30:18.000 Somewhat.

02:30:18.000 Yeah, there's almost an artificial quality to it because...

02:30:22.000 You know, a lot of these places are fenced in. 0.76

02:30:24.000 And so even though it's thousands and thousands of acres, it's not quite fucked up. 0.93

02:30:30.000 It's not quite a zoo. 0.97

02:30:31.000 No.

02:30:32.000 No.

02:30:32.000 No, no.

02:30:33.000 They're not feeding them.

02:30:33.000 Not at all.

02:30:34.000 And they're still migrating, and there's still all that stuff.

02:30:36.000 They're not feeding them.

02:30:37.000 No, no, no, no.

02:30:38.000 So it's still live and wild, but...

02:30:40.000 It's like going to Yosemite, you know?

02:30:42.000 But they get used to people, man.

02:31:04.000 I hope so.

02:31:06.000 But I wonder, what if animals like lions just start figuring that out?

02:31:11.000 There was an article recently, they were talking about chimps, that they believe chimps have just started to enter the Stone Age for the development of chimpanzee intelligence.

02:31:20.000 They literally might be evolving before our eyes.

02:31:24.000 And they started to use tools on a regular basis.

02:31:27.000 They observe chimps.

02:31:28.000 Yeah, they're coming.

02:31:30.000 Wow. 0.99

02:31:30.000 It just might take a few million years, but if human beings have only been in this form, they think, for the last 200 plus thousand years, essentially, unrecognizable from you or I, what the fuck, what's a chimp going to be like in a million years? 0.99

02:31:45.000 Awesome. 0.98

02:31:46.000 Might be.

02:31:47.000 Right?

02:31:48.000 They might be like some crazy Sasquatch-type thing. 0.98

02:31:51.000 Some almost half-human, half-monkey thing running through the woods. 1.00

02:31:55.000 And we'll just be like jellyfish with cars that drive itself.

02:31:59.000 Prime for the taking.

02:32:01.000 So weak.

02:32:03.000 They just rip our cars apart.

02:32:05.000 Just eyeballs in a mush.

02:32:07.000 Our cars never crash, so we make them out of paper.

02:32:10.000 The logic is, if everyone's driving a paper car, no one's going to get hurt.

02:32:14.000 So knowing that there's that amount of shark attacks.

02:32:17.000 I posted this the other day on Instagram.

02:32:19.000 What is that? 1.00

02:32:20.000 It's a chimp's testicle in relationship to the size of its brain. 0.99

02:32:23.000 Its testicle is literally about 70 to 80% of the size of its brain. 0.99

02:32:28.000 Oh my god. 0.99

02:32:29.000 Is that a fair amount?

02:32:30.000 Sure, yeah.

02:32:30.000 70?

02:32:31.000 Think 70 is accurate?

02:32:33.000 Something like that.

02:32:34.000 That's made wrong.

02:32:35.000 Yeah, what? 1.00

02:32:36.000 His balls, one ball is 70% the size of his brain. 1.00

02:32:40.000 Two balls? 1.00

02:32:41.000 Right. 0.99

02:32:42.000 Two balls are almost a whole brain. 0.97

02:32:44.000 That is weird. 0.96

02:32:45.000 Right?

02:32:46.000 Yeah.

02:32:47.000 Poor guys.

02:32:48.000 It's so big.

02:32:49.000 Well, you know what?

02:32:50.000 The ball's in front of us.

02:32:51.000 This is a little perspective trick.

02:32:52.000 Yeah, true.

02:32:54.000 Because that guy's hands, it's not one above the other, it's one behind the other.

02:32:57.000 And the other hand looks bigger and blacker. 0.73

02:33:00.000 It's a different guy!

02:33:01.000 It's a different guy. 1.00

02:33:02.000 These fucks. 0.99

02:33:04.000 Yeah, maybe if they got it right up next to it, it would only be like 40%. 1.00

02:33:07.000 Either way, it's a giant ball. 1.00

02:33:09.000 I'd be very proud of that testicle. 1.00

02:33:11.000 If I had a testicle like that, I'd show everybody. 0.99

02:33:13.000 So knowing that there's that many shark attacks, will you not go snorkel next time you go? 0.99

02:33:19.000 Um...

02:33:20.000 I'll tell you what, I was thinking about going to Paris this year, and I'm not going to Paris.

02:33:24.000 You're not?

02:33:25.000 Nah, I'm good.

02:33:26.000 My parents made that call, too.

02:33:28.000 Yeah, I think that's the right call.

02:33:30.000 For me?

02:33:31.000 For now? 1.00

02:33:31.000 You have some giant-ass fucking crazy terrorist attack like that, and you have issues with immigrants and all the craziness that's going on there. 1.00

02:33:39.000 They might have let some bad people in their country. 1.00

02:33:42.000 Yeah.

02:33:43.000 Some great people that were trying to escape a terrible place, but they also might have let some bad people in too. 0.98

02:33:47.000 And there's a lot of fucking anti-Jewish sentiment, although I'm not Jewish. 0.99

02:33:51.000 I know. 1.00

02:33:52.000 There's some video of these people walking through these Arab neighborhoods in Paris and the fucking rampant, brutal, like outright anti-Semitism yelling it at these people. 0.99

02:34:04.000 Really? 0.99

02:34:06.000 That's not America.

02:34:07.000 No.

02:34:07.000 I think, you know, you're dealing with, like, it's a very tricky place right now.

02:34:12.000 I know.

02:34:13.000 It's such a shame.

02:34:13.000 It's really a...

02:34:14.000 Beautiful.

02:34:15.000 I know.

02:34:16.000 Stunning.

02:34:16.000 So important historically.

02:34:18.000 Any update on the war?

02:34:20.000 They declared war on...

02:34:21.000 ISIS? ISIS, how's it going?

02:34:23.000 It's not even that, man.

02:34:24.000 I mean, what happened over there?

02:34:26.000 I don't even understand what happened.

02:34:27.000 It's when you have a group of people and the people that wound up performing that terrorist act wound up dying.

02:34:33.000 Boy, try getting the truth out of all that.

02:34:36.000 Try to figure out what their motives were.

02:34:38.000 Like the San Bernardino people.

02:34:40.000 Try figuring that out after the fact.

02:34:42.000 Try figuring that out.

02:34:43.000 I'm not going to San Bernardino either.

02:34:45.000 Dropping your kids off.

02:34:46.000 That's not true. 0.99

02:34:47.000 That's how a hypocrite I am. 0.97

02:34:49.000 I won't go to Paris, but I'll go to San Bernardino. 0.97

02:34:51.000 I bet you'd go to Paris if someone gave you a sweet gig there.

02:34:55.000 No.

02:34:55.000 No?

02:34:56.000 No.

02:34:57.000 No.

02:34:57.000 I don't think so.

02:34:58.000 That's a brutal flight too, man.

02:35:00.000 For a gig.

02:35:01.000 It is.

02:35:02.000 I would way rather go there and just vegetate and not have any responsibilities than to go there for...

02:35:07.000 That's one thing that I've really enjoyed about traveling is that I've gotten a chance to see some really cool places like England and Ireland.

02:35:15.000 But one of the things that's an issue is every time I've gone, I've been working.

02:35:18.000 Yeah.

02:35:19.000 You just don't have a chance to see that much.

02:35:22.000 I know.

02:35:22.000 I went to Italy for the first time and no gig at all.

02:35:25.000 And I don't travel like that either, you know, normally.

02:35:28.000 And what a difference.

02:35:30.000 Oh, yeah.

02:35:31.000 What a difference.

02:35:32.000 Yeah, man.

02:35:33.000 I don't know how you are, but say if I fly to Chicago and I got a gig tomorrow night in Chicago, I'm going to get something to eat and I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to go over my notes.

02:35:43.000 Right.

02:35:44.000 I'm not going anywhere.

02:35:45.000 Nope.

02:35:45.000 And I can't.

02:35:46.000 No.

02:35:47.000 People are like, don't you go sightseeing?

02:35:49.000 They don't realize everything you do during that day takes away from the show.

02:35:54.000 There's just an energy, mental and physical energy, that does not end up in the show.

02:35:58.000 Unless it's something that's going to enhance the show, like going over your notes.

02:36:02.000 That, sitting there, but not running around town, getting cabs, talking to waiters.

02:36:07.000 Sometimes a little bit of activity and sightseeing can amp you up, you know, but you have to have the time to do it.

02:36:14.000 And it can't be taken away from like, for me, exercise is mandatory.

02:36:18.000 Yeah.

02:36:19.000 Like if I go on the road, like one of the most important things for me is almost immediately I have to exercise.

02:36:24.000 Really?

02:36:25.000 Yeah, because if I don't, then I'm going to be tired.

02:36:27.000 Right. 0.98

02:36:27.000 I'll get there and I'm like, oh, fucking flying. 0.98

02:36:30.000 Oh, that's bullshit. 1.00

02:36:31.000 But what you got to do is say, shut up, pussy. 1.00

02:36:33.000 Just put your fucking shorts on and let's do this. 1.00

02:36:36.000 What floor is the gym on? 1.00

02:36:37.000 Thank you.

02:36:37.000 Here we go.

02:36:38.000 Get on the fucking machine and just go. 1.00

02:36:40.000 Just go. 0.99

02:36:41.000 Or a routine, whatever I'm doing, whatever weightlifting routine, I just fucking make sure I do it.

02:36:46.000 I don't want to do it, but I act like I have a boss.

02:36:48.000 I should do that more.

02:36:49.000 Yeah.

02:36:49.000 If you do that, man, I'm telling you, just write it down so that it's not an option to deny.

02:36:54.000 Unless you're sick or something like that, then you definitely shouldn't work out. 0.90

02:36:57.000 But if you can do that, it's 40 minutes that you would just be jerking off and reading email. 0.79

02:37:02.000 It's true. 0.89

02:37:03.000 Right?

02:37:04.000 Totally. 1.00

02:37:05.000 That 40 minutes will go by and you're like, fuck, I missed the window. 0.99

02:37:08.000 I've done that before too. 0.99

02:37:09.000 I've definitely done that before.

02:37:10.000 And you're tired.

02:37:11.000 Yes.

02:37:12.000 But when I say no, I'm going to go down there and I'm going to do, you know, whatever, 45 minutes on the elliptical machine.

02:37:18.000 Just go.

02:37:19.000 Just do it.

02:37:20.000 Listen to a podcast.

02:37:21.000 I'll put a podcast on.

02:37:22.000 Just force myself.

02:37:24.000 Yeah.

02:37:25.000 I do a couple of yoga stretches.

02:37:28.000 That's good.

02:37:29.000 That'll help.

02:37:30.000 That is.

02:37:30.000 It's better than nothing.

02:37:31.000 No, there's a couple that are...

02:37:32.000 But for me, strenuous exercise is really good for just resetting everything.

02:37:39.000 Your whole nervous system.

02:37:40.000 Do you ever do a yoga class when you go on the road?

02:37:43.000 Yeah, I have.

02:37:44.000 Yeah?

02:37:44.000 Yeah, I have.

02:37:45.000 For a while when I was...

02:37:47.000 More heavily into it.

02:37:49.000 It was kind of cool.

02:37:50.000 You'd come into town and find where it was.

02:37:53.000 It was a cool little, like, okay, that's the project.

02:37:56.000 I'm going to do that.

02:37:57.000 Right.

02:37:58.000 That's a good move.

02:37:59.000 That's a good move.

02:38:00.000 Something that, like, you just have an outlet.

02:38:03.000 Yeah.

02:38:03.000 A little thing that sort of connects you to what Tom Papa does.

02:38:08.000 Right, exactly.

02:38:09.000 And then it's just the work.

02:38:11.000 It's just taking your notebook and taking your notes and going over last night, going over the...

02:38:15.000 You know what I did for the first time this week?

02:38:19.000 I listened to myself.

02:38:20.000 I haven't recorded myself in a while.

02:38:23.000 Really?

02:38:24.000 Yeah, it was probably...

02:38:25.000 I always record, but don't really listen to it unless I know there was something I want to pick out.

02:38:32.000 And I listened to myself on Sunday after the weekend.

02:38:38.000 And that was rough.

02:38:43.000 You forget.

02:38:45.000 You're like, oh yeah, I should be doing this all the time.

02:38:47.000 It's so valuable.

02:38:48.000 It's so incredibly valuable.

02:38:50.000 Visually, it's even better.

02:38:51.000 I know. 0.79

02:38:52.000 If you can watch a video of yourself, then you go, oh my god, I look so gross.

02:38:56.000 I gotta dress better.

02:38:58.000 Me too. 0.94

02:38:58.000 My posture sucks. 0.94

02:39:00.000 Why don't I ever move my right arm? 0.99

02:39:02.000 Why am I like a robot?

02:39:03.000 What's this thing I'm doing with my hand in my pocket?

02:39:05.000 Get it out of your pocket!

02:39:06.000 Yeah, at the Irvine Improv, the guy, he did every set and just handed them to me on the way out.

02:39:11.000 Oh, those are great.

02:39:11.000 I was like, oh, okay.

02:39:12.000 Icehouse does that, too.

02:39:13.000 I was like, oh, thanks.

02:39:14.000 Yeah.

02:39:15.000 Have you performed at the recent Irvine Improv, the new one?

02:39:19.000 Yeah.

02:39:19.000 Woo!

02:39:19.000 It's nice.

02:39:20.000 Nice.

02:39:21.000 Really nice. 0.88

02:39:21.000 Big-ass place, too. 0.88

02:39:22.000 Feels like a theater. 0.60

02:39:23.000 Yeah.

02:39:23.000 Callan did his comedy special there.

02:39:26.000 Oh, really?

02:39:26.000 He recorded a special there.

02:39:27.000 I was like, that's a good call.

02:39:28.000 Yeah, that's a good call.

02:39:29.000 That place is hot.

02:39:31.000 Yeah, it looked great.

02:39:32.000 The backstage was even great.

02:39:33.000 That was a good spot. 0.99

02:39:34.000 That town, like Irvine, is a town where there's so many fucking people jammed into that area. 0.99

02:39:41.000 It's shocking, isn't it? 0.99

02:39:42.000 It is one of the most populated areas in Southern California.

02:39:47.000 Like, where did you guys come from?

02:39:48.000 Like, me and my wife were talking about this the other day, that there's such a big difference between driving up, like, where, like, Thousand Oaks is, and driving down Orange County.

02:39:58.000 Yeah.

02:39:58.000 Like, Thousand Oaks, things lighten up considerably.

02:40:01.000 That's right. 1.00

02:40:02.000 You know, it's like fucking horses and shit up there. 0.99

02:40:04.000 But if you get down to, like, Laguna, good luck. 1.00

02:40:08.000 I know.

02:40:09.000 Good luck getting there in time.

02:40:11.000 It's intense.

02:40:11.000 Do you ever do gigs in San Diego?

02:40:14.000 Yeah.

02:40:14.000 Not drive.

02:40:15.000 You might as well just drive to the fucking ocean and see if your car can just drive on the edge of the water. 0.99

02:40:23.000 I take the train a lot. 0.99

02:40:24.000 You ever do that?

02:40:25.000 No, I've never done that.

02:40:27.000 But I was just thinking now, I wonder if you could drive in the ocean.

02:40:31.000 Would they arrest you?

02:40:33.000 What do they do if you're actually in the ocean and you're driving your car?

02:40:35.000 They'd let you go.

02:40:37.000 What kind of car?

02:40:38.000 Well, if you have one of those cars with a snorkel.

02:40:40.000 That's what I'm thinking. 0.99

02:40:41.000 If you got one of them Toyota Land Cruisers, they put a snorkel on them and they drive through the river in the fucking Amazon. 0.99

02:40:47.000 You would think... 0.99

02:40:48.000 They'd let you go.

02:40:50.000 The sharks might get you.

02:40:51.000 But do they let you do that?

02:40:52.000 Like, how does that work? 0.99

02:40:53.000 Like, the Coast Guard, K, fuckface, you can't just drive in the ocean. 0.99

02:40:58.000 Probably not. 0.99

02:40:59.000 I thought about the same thing in a similar vein.

02:41:01.000 Can you just go on horseback down Ventura?

02:41:03.000 Could you just get a horse and go to the bank that way?

02:41:05.000 That's a very good point.

02:41:07.000 Could you?

02:41:08.000 Just tie your horse up to the...

02:41:11.000 Bike rack and walk inside and cash a check? 0.99

02:41:14.000 Well, it's always weird if you go to Burbank and you see people riding their horses around Burbank.

02:41:18.000 Burbank is an equestrian neighborhood.

02:41:19.000 Yeah.

02:41:20.000 My daughter was taking lessons over there for a little bit.

02:41:23.000 Okay, look at this guy.

02:41:24.000 Perth, Australia.

02:41:25.000 Oh, that guy just drove right in.

02:41:27.000 It's like, I'm just driving in. 1.00

02:41:28.000 That's just stupid. 1.00

02:41:29.000 You can't do that. 1.00

02:41:31.000 Is this guy trying to watch men drive car into the ocean?

02:41:33.000 Into the ocean.

02:41:34.000 He's trying to get away from the cops, I think.

02:41:35.000 Oh, he's trying to get away from the cops.

02:41:36.000 Okay, well, that's different.

02:41:38.000 And so now he's driving off, and the cops try to get him, so they drove right into the ocean. 1.00

02:41:43.000 This guy's an idiot. 1.00

02:41:45.000 See, the car doesn't... 1.00

02:41:46.000 It doesn't... 1.00

02:41:46.000 Once the hood is underwater, you dipshit. 1.00

02:41:49.000 Good for him. 1.00

02:41:50.000 That's what the snorkel's for.

02:41:51.000 Go for it.

02:41:51.000 But the thing is...

02:41:52.000 Look at the cops behind him, like...

02:41:53.000 Well, he's gonna hop out of the car and just swim somewhere.

02:41:55.000 Yeah, he's out now.

02:41:56.000 But the thing is, if you have a car with a snorkel, and he doesn't have a car with a snorkel, you can drive pretty far...

02:42:04.000 And they can't get you.

02:42:06.000 But he could just drive next to you on the beach.

02:42:08.000 Right.

02:42:08.000 Eventually you've got to come to the land.

02:42:10.000 Look at this crazy clusterfuck of cops and the car.

02:42:14.000 Is this in Australia or something? 0.98

02:42:16.000 Of course.

02:42:17.000 How did I know it was Australia?

02:42:18.000 Did you say it?

02:42:19.000 I think it said Perth at the beginning.

02:42:21.000 Okay, that's it.

02:42:22.000 Because otherwise I'm like, there's no way I just guessed.

02:42:25.000 But why not just get a horse?

02:42:26.000 Yeah.

02:42:27.000 And go run your errands that way.

02:42:29.000 How about an eagle?

02:42:29.000 How about teach an eagle to fly around?

02:42:32.000 Imagine if somebody just developed an eagle.

02:42:34.000 Like, look.

02:42:34.000 Grab onto his talons.

02:42:35.000 Have you ever seen a pit bull that's like 190 pounds?

02:42:38.000 Yeah.

02:42:38.000 They're not supposed to be that big.

02:42:39.000 Right.

02:42:40.000 Somebody made that.

02:42:41.000 Right. 0.98

02:42:41.000 They bred those pit bulls until it became this ridiculous thing. 0.98

02:42:44.000 Yeah. 0.73

02:42:45.000 The average size for a pit bull, like those fighting dogs, they're like 35 pounds.

02:42:49.000 Like a big one's like 50. Really?

02:42:51.000 Yeah, they're not big.

02:42:51.000 So these monsters are like the chickens with giant breasts?

02:42:55.000 Sort of, yeah.

02:42:56.000 Which also comes from selective breeding, apparently.

02:42:59.000 I thought the chickens with giant breasts were steroids, but this chicken farmer explained to me, he said, no.

02:43:04.000 He goes, you know how expensive it would be if it really pumped?

02:43:08.000 We have this idea, oh, they're putting all the hormones in it. 1.00

02:43:11.000 Not really.

02:43:11.000 No?

02:43:12.000 No, no.

02:43:13.000 I mean, they would.

02:43:14.000 They would if they had to fix something.

02:43:16.000 It's too pricey.

02:43:16.000 But most of it is, yeah, most of it is they genetically engineer them.

02:43:19.000 They selectively breed them to the point where they can barely even walk.

02:43:25.000 Right.

02:43:26.000 Those poor things.

02:43:27.000 Yeah, they can't stay on their legs.

02:43:28.000 So, for at least how this guy has explained it to me, it's mostly just selective breeding.

02:43:34.000 Interesting.

02:43:35.000 But why can't they do that with an eagle?

02:43:37.000 Get a big-ass eagle.

02:43:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:43:38.000 Big-ass fucking eagle. 1.00

02:43:40.000 If you could teach an eagle to hunt for wolves for you, have you ever seen them do that? 1.00

02:43:43.000 No.

02:43:43.000 Yeah, the Mongolians.

02:43:44.000 Oh, really? 1.00

02:43:45.000 They let an eagle loose and the eagle will fucking fly down and jack a wolf. 1.00

02:43:49.000 A wolf? 1.00

02:43:50.000 A wolf.

02:43:51.000 Those are big.

02:43:52.000 They're not big enough.

02:43:54.000 That's how gangster eagles are.

02:43:56.000 I'm reading that book, The Hawk.

02:43:58.000 What's that?

02:43:58.000 This girl just loved, it's her autobiography basically, just a writer out of Oxford and she is learning how to train a go-shock and falcons and all that kind of stuff with the hoods and very intricate about that whole practice.

02:44:16.000 It's pretty intense.

02:44:18.000 That's very intense.

02:44:19.000 Yeah.

02:44:20.000 Getting it to trust you and sit there in its hood.

02:44:22.000 You have to be with it all the time.

02:44:23.000 All the time.

02:44:24.000 Yeah.

02:44:25.000 Like, in the beginning, like, for days.

02:44:26.000 Mm-hmm.

02:44:27.000 Just sitting with it on your arm.

02:44:28.000 You can't go on vacations.

02:44:30.000 No.

02:44:30.000 Yeah, you can't just take a month off.

02:44:32.000 I'm just gonna hang out with it. 1.00

02:44:33.000 That fucking hawk will eat your face. 1.00

02:44:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:44:38.000 This little hood.

02:44:39.000 But why couldn't someone engineer an eagle that was your buddy that flies you around?

02:44:43.000 Like an eagle.

02:44:44.000 How does he fly you around?

02:44:45.000 On his back?

02:44:46.000 Look at this wolf jacking an eagle.

02:44:49.000 And then the eagle comes down and jacks the wolf. 1.00

02:44:51.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:44:52.000 Look, they're both jacking him. 1.00

02:44:53.000 Oh, it's two. 0.88

02:44:54.000 This is insane. 0.99

02:44:57.000 So the wolf was kicking the eagle's ass and his homie came in and backed him up. 1.00

02:45:01.000 See, you shouldn't worry about the monkeys because these guys are doing this now. 0.99

02:45:05.000 See, the thing is, man, these eagles are so goddamn tough and their claws are so fucking terrifying. 0.98

02:45:11.000 They essentially have knives. 0.99

02:45:13.000 They're growing out of their feet. 1.00

02:45:14.000 They're fucking dinosaurs, man. 1.00

02:45:16.000 This is a dinosaur that made it. 1.00

02:45:18.000 And it makes me wonder what dinosaurs actually looked like.

02:45:22.000 We always assume that all dinosaurs were covered with scales like a crocodile.

02:45:27.000 I'm sure a lot of them were.

02:45:28.000 Look at this.

02:45:29.000 See, they're duking it out.

02:45:32.000 The eagle lands on him, starts jacking him, and he's got him.

02:45:35.000 He's got him by the neck.

02:45:36.000 Oh my god.

02:45:37.000 It's insane.

02:45:38.000 He's killing a giant wolf.

02:45:40.000 He's just got full mount on the wolf, and he's clawing him to death.

02:45:44.000 He's just keeping him at a distance.

02:45:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:45:47.000 And the eagle's fucked. 1.00

02:45:48.000 He's got his neck. 1.00

02:45:49.000 This is insane.

02:45:51.000 It's insane that they can do this.

02:45:53.000 That is nuts. 0.95

02:45:54.000 That's a big-ass eagle. 0.85

02:45:55.000 That's a golden eagle.

02:45:56.000 And that's a small wolf, by the way.

02:45:58.000 Those are not as big as the- He looks like a mid-dog.

02:46:00.000 This is crazy, though, man.

02:46:02.000 Oh, now what's he feeding him?

02:46:03.000 He's giving him a reward?

02:46:05.000 He's giving him some meat.

02:46:06.000 Oh.

02:46:07.000 Yeah.

02:46:07.000 Oh, he's holding the glove with meat above the carcass, gets him back on his arm, and the hood goes on.

02:46:13.000 Yep.

02:46:15.000 Wow.

02:46:15.000 Jeez.

02:46:16.000 What a wonderful but terrifying animal.

02:46:19.000 It's a cool hobby.

02:46:21.000 It's not like making bread, but...

02:46:23.000 Where's his starter?

02:46:26.000 They showed these, they had these ancient hominid bones they found, and they were trying to figure out why they had these claw marks on them.

02:46:34.000 And they were trying to figure out what animal had done it.

02:46:37.000 And then they recognized very similar patterns of scrapes to what they find on small primates that are near harpy eagles.

02:46:46.000 And they realized that early humans were most likely eaten by eagles.

02:46:51.000 Really?

02:46:51.000 Yeah.

02:46:52.000 A bigger eagle?

02:46:53.000 Like a pterodactyl-sized eagle?

02:46:55.000 A gang of different kinds of birds and large predatory birds.

02:46:59.000 In fact, North America, I believe...

02:47:04.000 Before, like, I don't want to say how long ago, but I don't think it was too long ago, like not even a million years.

02:47:10.000 They had a thing called a terror bird.

02:47:12.000 And a terror bird was like a giant seven foot tall predatory bird that didn't fly.

02:47:19.000 It was like a standing bird with a giant beak, like a huge predatory Carl Malone sized bird.

02:47:27.000 That's crazy.

02:47:29.000 How about that?

02:47:30.000 Let's make that movie. 1.00

02:47:31.000 How about a Magic Johnson-sized bird with a giant fucking hatchet for a face? 0.99

02:47:36.000 They're not even flying. 0.99

02:47:37.000 I don't have to.

02:47:38.000 Yeah, you should see that they do a superimposed image of the size of a normal human, like a six-foot-tall human next to a terror bird, like what they looked like.

02:47:47.000 I love Terebur.

02:47:48.000 That's such a great name.

02:47:49.000 And isn't it terrifying?

02:47:50.000 Yeah.

02:47:51.000 And this is North America.

02:47:52.000 This is right here.

02:47:52.000 Jeez.

02:47:53.000 Yeah.

02:47:53.000 So there was...

02:47:54.000 I mean, the entire fossil record, even just of mammals, is not complete.

02:48:00.000 They're always finding new things because in order to create a fossil, it's very difficult.

02:48:05.000 Like, something has to happen.

02:48:06.000 You have to get caught in a mudslide or something.

02:48:09.000 Right.

02:48:09.000 Jamie, see if you can find a Terebur picture.

02:48:11.000 Yeah, I'd love to see Terebur.

02:48:12.000 Look at this thing. 1.00

02:48:13.000 Look at that fucking thing! 1.00

02:48:15.000 That's a soldier that gets eaten. 1.00

02:48:16.000 Ah!

02:48:18.000 That one on the left, that looks like where the wild things are.

02:48:21.000 Yeah, it does.

02:48:22.000 Doesn't it?

02:48:22.000 Yeah.

02:48:23.000 That doesn't even look like it's a real thing! 1.00

02:48:26.000 Look at the size of that fucking thing! 1.00

02:48:28.000 Its eggs must be huge. 1.00

02:48:29.000 Oh my god, like a head.

02:48:31.000 Yeah.

02:48:32.000 Bigger.

02:48:33.000 Look at the size of that fucker. 1.00

02:48:35.000 Isn't there a movie where people ride in those? 0.99

02:48:37.000 Maybe.

02:48:38.000 But it's interesting that one of them has fairly large wings, the one on the right, but the one on the left has like these nubs.

02:48:44.000 Yeah.

02:48:45.000 He's like, I don't- Those are all different terror birds? 1.00

02:48:47.000 Oh, fucking Christ! 1.00

02:48:49.000 Oh my God! 1.00

02:48:51.000 Look at that thing, the one in the forefront, the evil red-looking beak, and the one in the background.

02:48:58.000 That one's like almost flamingo ostrich monster.

02:49:01.000 Could you imagine if you were just walking along and you saw something popping its head out of the trees, looking at you funny, and it's that size, and you go, oh my God, it's over.

02:49:10.000 It's over.

02:49:11.000 My cat's been on a bird-killing spree.

02:49:14.000 Good for her.

02:49:14.000 Or him.

02:49:15.000 Brings in a couple a week.

02:49:17.000 Really?

02:49:18.000 It's really out of hand.

02:49:19.000 Well, you better be careful if you let your cat out, because your cat could get jacked by coyotes, man.

02:49:24.000 I know.

02:49:24.000 It's his life.

02:49:26.000 Wow.

02:49:26.000 That's brutal.

02:49:28.000 Claws or no claws? 0.97

02:49:29.000 Claws.

02:49:30.000 Yeah.

02:49:30.000 It's got claws.

02:49:31.000 You let him out there?

02:49:32.000 He's an outdoor. 0.99

02:49:34.000 He's a nut. 0.92

02:49:35.000 You can't keep him inside.

02:49:36.000 Has he always been an outdoor cat?

02:49:37.000 Yeah.

02:49:37.000 Does he come inside at all?

02:49:39.000 Yeah.

02:49:39.000 Comes in, sleeps, cuddles.

02:49:40.000 Does he piss in your house at all?

02:49:41.000 No.

02:49:42.000 They do if you don't get them fixed quick enough.

02:49:45.000 I have an indoor cat.

02:49:46.000 Yeah, I have an indoor and an outdoor.

02:49:48.000 Mine are both indoor.

02:49:50.000 Right.

02:49:50.000 Because I live in a place where a lot of coyotes are.

02:49:53.000 Yeah.

02:49:53.000 One of my chickens got jacked by a coyote.

02:49:55.000 Really?

02:49:55.000 Yeah, I watched it happen.

02:49:56.000 Really?

02:49:57.000 I watched the coyote hop the fence with my chicken in his mouth.

02:49:59.000 Ooh.

02:50:00.000 Yeah, we had a separate... 0.99

02:50:01.000 Chickens get broody, which means they get confused since they're not getting fucked by roosters. 0.91

02:50:08.000 Sometimes they think that they have an egg that they have to hatch, that they have to, you know, what's it called? 0.97

02:50:13.000 What's it called?

02:50:14.000 They nurture an egg to...

02:50:15.000 Sit on it?

02:50:16.000 Yeah, that's a technical term.

02:50:21.000 Something a gate?

02:50:22.000 What's the word?

02:50:24.000 Just state.

02:50:26.000 No, that's not it.

02:50:31.000 Lay on top of?

02:50:33.000 What's it called, like, when you take an egg and you put it in one of those warming things?

02:50:38.000 You, um...

02:50:38.000 You know, like, that, like, lamp goes...

02:50:40.000 People at home will listen to this screaming. 1.00

02:50:44.000 You fucking pothead. 1.00

02:50:45.000 You can't even remember. 1.00

02:50:46.000 Incubate.

02:50:47.000 Incubate!

02:50:48.000 Thank you!

02:50:49.000 I knew it was a bait.

02:50:52.000 Yeah, I was trying to avoid the band Incubus.

02:50:54.000 It's like...

02:50:57.000 But anyway, I remember what the point of that was.

02:51:00.000 So we have to take them out, and she had to get outside of the regular chicken coop. 1.00

02:51:06.000 It's just a large coop.

02:51:07.000 And you have to put her in one where she has to sit on a beam. 1.00

02:51:10.000 It's very small.

02:51:12.000 For the amount of time they're broody, that's how much time you have to put them in there.

02:51:15.000 Otherwise, they could be broody for like a month.

02:51:17.000 They'll pull their feathers out. 0.97

02:51:20.000 They can cause some health issues.

02:51:22.000 They pluck all the They throw the feathers out of their chest to feather their nest for an egg that's not gonna hatch. 1.00

02:51:27.000 They get a little wacky.

02:51:28.000 Yeah, it's weird. 1.00

02:51:29.000 Well, their brains are a fucking thumbnail. 1.00

02:51:30.000 Right. 1.00

02:51:31.000 So this coyote just figured out a way to get into that little cage and just jacked the chicken and jumped over the fence with it.

02:51:40.000 Yeah, I mean, it's definitely a risk.

02:51:42.000 A couple neighbors or one neighbor lost a cat, you know, like 10 years ago to it.

02:51:47.000 It's like the beginning of Coyote.

02:51:50.000 There's not a lot going on, but enough where if the cat's not smart, it could happen.

02:51:54.000 But the cat is so happy and that's just the way he lives and it's like, you know, everyone would be sad, but it's his life.

02:52:03.000 Yeah, it's probably not the worst way to go either.

02:52:05.000 Yeah, quick rather than getting diabetes and...

02:52:09.000 Cats have diabetes?

02:52:11.000 Yeah, I had a diabetic cat.

02:52:12.000 Whoa, did you have to give it insulin?

02:52:13.000 Yeah.

02:52:14.000 Whoa, every day?

02:52:15.000 Uh-huh.

02:52:16.000 Whoa.

02:52:16.000 Twice a day.

02:52:17.000 The cat was probably pissed at you.

02:52:18.000 Didn't...

02:52:18.000 I had no idea.

02:52:19.000 Why are you shooting me with this fucking needle, bitch? 1.00

02:52:21.000 I want pets! 1.00

02:52:23.000 Putting a pill on a stick and you hit a fire in its throat. 0.51

02:52:26.000 That's how you do it? 0.66

02:52:27.000 That's one of the things.

02:52:28.000 That and the insulin.

02:52:29.000 Oh, my God.

02:52:29.000 He probably ran from you all the time.

02:52:30.000 And the little scruff of its neck.

02:52:31.000 Did he run from you all the time?

02:52:32.000 No.

02:52:33.000 He was pretty mellow.

02:52:34.000 He probably extended his life for another...

02:52:37.000 Four years.

02:52:38.000 Oh.

02:52:39.000 And then it just all ended up failing.

02:52:42.000 Yeah.

02:52:43.000 But, you know, it was like, you know, it was my wife's cat.

02:52:46.000 I would have...

02:52:47.000 You would have ended it?

02:52:48.000 Probably would not have been giving it shots for that long.

02:52:51.000 With a rock?

02:52:51.000 Hatchet?

02:52:51.000 What was the method?

02:52:53.000 Just open the door and...

02:52:57.000 Make coyote calls.

02:52:58.000 No, it was a nice cat.

02:53:00.000 But yeah, I never knew there was this thing as a diabetic cat.

02:53:02.000 Yeah.

02:53:03.000 Yeah, we extended his life for a while, and then, you know, other things start to fail.

02:53:08.000 Did you try feeding him a vegan diet?

02:53:10.000 No.

02:53:11.000 It's supposed to cure diabetes.

02:53:13.000 Oh, yeah?

02:53:13.000 No.

02:53:14.000 Making things up.

02:53:16.000 But people do have their cats and they feed them vegan food.

02:53:19.000 Really?

02:53:19.000 Yeah.

02:53:19.000 Cats die.

02:53:20.000 Young.

02:53:21.000 Sad.

02:53:22.000 So irony.

02:53:23.000 In their attempt to not be cruel to animals, they're cruel to their animals.

02:53:27.000 They starve their animals.

02:53:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:53:28.000 They're feeding it fucking plums and celery and shit. 1.00

02:53:32.000 I just saw this 30-year-old dog yesterday on the internet. 1.00

02:53:35.000 Have you ever heard of something?

02:53:36.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:53:36.000 That's crazy. 0.71

02:53:37.000 What kind of dog is it?

02:53:39.000 It's an Australian.

02:53:40.000 They can't prove how old it really is, but there's some video of it. 0.99

02:53:43.000 I mean, it looks like it's fucking... 0.98

02:53:44.000 It's 30 in dog years? 0.99

02:53:45.000 No, it's 30 in human years, 200 in dog years.

02:53:48.000 That's all, like, what is that?

02:53:49.000 Six years old.

02:53:50.000 Oh, wow.

02:53:52.000 That's crazy.

02:53:54.000 30?

02:53:55.000 The owners must be like, all right, dude.

02:53:57.000 See, here, there's no proof. 0.96

02:53:58.000 As long as there's no proof and we're reading about this, we have no fucking idea how old that dog is. 1.00

02:54:04.000 This is a bullshit story. 1.00

02:54:05.000 Like, that's the problem with goddamn stories. 1.00

02:54:08.000 It's all you have to do is you get paid per ad clicks. 0.99

02:54:10.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:54:11.000 Just put a picture up and that's it.

02:54:15.000 See, like that.

02:54:15.000 Three men who admit to raping a girl, 17, won't be jailed.

02:54:19.000 That's a lie, too.

02:54:20.000 Must read.

02:54:21.000 And this guy's got his abs out there taking a photo.

02:54:23.000 What are you trying to do?

02:54:24.000 You're trying to get me to click it.

02:54:25.000 Just get me to click so that they...

02:54:26.000 It might not be about that.

02:54:27.000 No.

02:54:28.000 There'll be an ad associated with it, and then someone will get paid.

02:54:31.000 Tom Papa, we have run out of time here.

02:54:33.000 Really?

02:54:33.000 That goes so quick.

02:54:34.000 I know.

02:54:35.000 That was three hours of fun, my friend.

02:54:36.000 That's crazy.

02:54:36.000 That was great, though.

02:54:37.000 It really is crazy.

02:54:37.000 I really enjoyed talking to you, man.

02:54:38.000 Thank you.

02:54:39.000 I've been here once before, and I've been itching to get back.

02:54:42.000 It's such a good hang.

02:54:43.000 I think this was better than our first one.

02:54:44.000 Yeah?

02:54:45.000 I really do.

02:54:45.000 I do.

02:54:46.000 Next time.

02:54:46.000 We learned a lot about starters.

02:54:47.000 I learned a lot about yeast.

02:54:51.000 Muscle tissue.

02:54:52.000 Now you gotta get me a pot card.

02:54:54.000 Get me a pot card.

02:54:55.000 We'll do that.

02:54:55.000 We'll do that when we get off the air.

02:54:56.000 I'll show you how to do it.

02:54:57.000 All right.

02:54:58.000 All right, ladies and gentlemen.

02:54:59.000 That's it for the week. 1.00

02:55:01.000 You heard me, you fucks. 0.99

02:55:02.000 The week. 0.99

02:55:03.000 Next week, I've got four of them.

02:55:05.000 So straddle up.

02:55:06.000 Got a lot of lovin'.

02:55:08.000 Starting with Cameron Haynes on Monday.

02:55:10.000 Wow.

02:55:11.000 My friend Doug Duren is coming next week.

02:55:14.000 I got...

02:55:15.000 What?

02:55:19.000 Nosferatu.

02:55:20.000 Oh, Boss Rutten and Mauro Ranallo are going to be here, and Robin Black. 1.00

02:55:25.000 It's going to be a hell of a week, you fucks! 0.99

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 09, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #758 - Tom Papa

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript