The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #802 - Tom Papa

00:00:02.000 Tom Papa, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:04.000 How are you?

00:00:05.000 We're live, fella.

00:00:06.000 It's good to be here.

00:00:07.000 So this is a statistic that I was going to tell you.

00:00:09.000 If you divvied up all the money, all the money in the entire country, all the money that we have, everyone would get $179,000.

00:00:18.000 That's it?

00:00:19.000 That's a lot.

00:00:21.000 That's all the money the U.S. has?

00:00:22.000 300 million people.

00:00:25.000 This is according to the 2010 Federal Reserve document, so it's a few years old.

00:00:29.000 The total net worth of all U.S. households and non-profits is around $54.9 trillion.

00:00:39.000 Alright.

00:00:40.000 So that's $179,000 per person based on 307 million people.

00:00:45.000 Does that include children?

00:00:48.000 Yeah, 307 million people.

00:00:50.000 So your kids would get 100 grand, 179 grand.

00:00:53.000 That's pretty sweet.

00:00:54.000 That's pretty sweet.

00:00:55.000 Your 11-year-old would be fat with cash.

00:00:58.000 Finally.

00:00:59.000 Imagine an 11-year-old with $179,000.

00:01:03.000 How much candy can you buy? 1.00

00:01:07.000 They'd go fucking crazy. 0.99

00:01:09.000 The pool is filled with inflatable flamingos. 0.98

00:01:13.000 Yeah, there's a reason why you shouldn't be allowed to have that kind of money.

00:01:17.000 Matt, when I was at Disneyland, I was talking to this guide.

00:01:22.000 A real nice guy.

00:01:23.000 He's super cool because he's got so much knowledge about Disneyland.

00:01:28.000 George?

00:01:29.000 No, his name is Philander.

00:01:30.000 That's his actual name.

00:01:31.000 He's not a Philanderer either. 0.68

00:01:34.000 He's a very nice gentleman.

00:01:40.000 Like a prince from like one of these Middle Eastern countries.

00:01:44.000 Right.

00:01:45.000 And one time it was a little boy and he was five years old.

00:01:50.000 Oh man. 0.99

00:01:50.000 And he had all these grown men, like, you know, 40 year old men around him that had to listen to every fucking word he said. 0.99

00:01:59.000 So if he said, bring me candy! 0.99

00:02:01.000 They had to run over with candy. 0.60

00:02:03.000 I want to see the mouse.

00:02:05.000 Yeah, he does whatever he wants.

00:02:07.000 And he's five.

00:02:09.000 That's crazy.

00:02:10.000 Yeah, they said he has, like, ungodly amounts of money.

00:02:12.000 He can do whatever he wants.

00:02:13.000 I mean, literally probably worth a billion dollars.

00:02:17.000 And he's five.

00:02:18.000 So he's probably just becoming aware of his power.

00:02:22.000 I think he's always been aware.

00:02:23.000 At four?

00:02:24.000 Yeah, but I think his model of how people are is they're servants.

00:02:30.000 They're just all servants.

00:02:31.000 Yeah.

00:02:32.000 He's royalty.

00:02:34.000 My kids would be awful if they were in charge.

00:02:37.000 Everybody's kids would!

00:02:38.000 You would be, I would be.

00:02:40.000 The idea that you could take a five-year-old kid and give them ungodly amounts of money and power is kind of insane.

00:02:47.000 Especially with their mood swings at that age.

00:02:49.000 In the middle of Disney, like, I want to go to the airplane now!

00:02:53.000 I want an airplane now!

00:02:55.000 What's funny with kids is when they get tired.

00:02:57.000 They just can't deal.

00:02:59.000 Oh my god!

00:03:01.000 They just fall apart.

00:03:03.000 My favorite is when my daughter goes, carry me.

00:03:06.000 Like, you imagine you get to a point where you just like, you have to lift me around.

00:03:11.000 It's too much effort to try to walk.

00:03:14.000 Carry me!

00:03:15.000 My daughter still does that at 11, and it's just like, I can't!

00:03:18.000 I physically can't.

00:03:20.000 I can for two steps, and then I'm putting you down. 0.78

00:03:23.000 What is 11-year-old way?

00:03:25.000 11, she told me the other day, I think like 89. Yeah, it gets too big!

00:03:29.000 It's too big and long!

00:03:30.000 It's long!

00:03:31.000 You're picking her up and her legs are dragging on the ground. 0.66

00:03:34.000 Especially if they want you to carry them like a baby.

00:03:36.000 It's like you're carrying a log!

00:03:38.000 You know, like you're carrying a giant piece of lumber.

00:03:43.000 I don't want to walk.

00:03:44.000 It's like, if I had to carry, like, I can carry my wife, like, I could throw her over my shoulders like, a fireman's carry.

00:03:51.000 Right.

00:03:51.000 Like, that's not it.

00:03:52.000 But nobody wants to be carried like that.

00:03:54.000 No.

00:03:54.000 Nobody wants to make it easy on you.

00:03:56.000 No, they want to be a little cuddle.

00:03:57.000 They want to nuzzle in.

00:03:59.000 Yeah, they don't want to make it easy on your arms or your body.

00:04:02.000 They have no idea.

00:04:04.000 Yeah.

00:04:04.000 Nobody does squats in the curl position.

00:04:07.000 You don't do a curl and then do squats.

00:04:10.000 No, you throw them on your shoulders.

00:04:12.000 We were at SeaWorld, and my daughter wanted... 0.99

00:04:15.000 This was before we knew it was bad.

00:04:18.000 We just knew it was a lame place to go.

00:04:19.000 We didn't know it was evil.

00:04:21.000 And my daughter, my oldest one, was like a kid, and like four or something, and she's like, Dad, can you pick me up?

00:04:28.000 And I had, like, that macho squat moment of, yeah, I'll put you up there, and, like, hoisted her up right into a tree branch. 0.93

00:04:35.000 Oh, no.

00:04:36.000 Full impact.

00:04:37.000 Knock.

00:04:39.000 Oh, no.

00:04:40.000 And then you feel so bad.

00:04:42.000 Like, you want to blame somebody other than you, and you're like, well, the SeaWorld branch people...

00:04:48.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:04:49.000 Assholes with their tree placement. 1.00

00:04:51.000 Oh, that was a rough one. 1.00

00:04:52.000 But no, my daughter at 11 still has...

00:04:57.000 The 14-year-old is not asking to be carried, but the 11-year-old still have moments of...

00:05:04.000 Well, I think there's also this thing going on with kids where they're realizing, like, wow, I'm going to be responsible for myself eventually.

00:05:11.000 This is coming.

00:05:12.000 This day is coming.

00:05:13.000 Yeah.

00:05:14.000 It's unavoidable.

00:05:15.000 My daughter, you know, it's like puberty time, you know, and she is so aware of it.

00:05:21.000 And she literally said out loud the other night, I don't want to stop being a kid.

00:05:27.000 And I was like, well, look.

00:05:29.000 Look at our friends, because we have a lot of comedian friends.

00:05:32.000 I'm like, look at Erin.

00:05:33.000 She's a grown-up.

00:05:34.000 She's like, yeah, but she's different.

00:05:37.000 I'm like, yeah, but she's hung on to being a nut and having a good time. 1.00

00:05:43.000 But I got kind of bummed out as I was saying it, because I want to say to her, look, I'm not that much of a grown-up.

00:05:50.000 But to her, it's like, I'm the serious guy that's walking around scowling sometimes, you know, taking care of stuff.

00:05:57.000 That wouldn't relieve her, you know?

00:05:59.000 She sees me as a guy who's not having that much fun some of the time. 1.00

00:06:04.000 Well, don't you look at people that have incredible responsibilities, like the president, and you go, fuck that job! 1.00

00:06:11.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:06:12.000 Right?

00:06:13.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:06:14.000 Or CEOs of giant corporations that are working 20, 30 hours a day or whatever the fuck they're doing. 0.80

00:06:18.000 I think you just get in it. 0.93

00:06:20.000 I don't think you can work 30 hours a day.

00:06:21.000 You just get in it and you go, I guess.

00:06:23.000 I guess, but you look at them from an outsider's perspective and go, that is just, I don't want that.

00:06:29.000 I think a lot of times kids look at that about adults.

00:06:32.000 Like, honey, do you have your passport?

00:06:34.000 Where's your keys?

00:06:35.000 All right, all right, got my thing.

00:06:37.000 They look at it like, oh, what's going on?

00:06:38.000 He's got so much to handle.

00:06:39.000 Right.

00:06:39.000 There's so much...

00:06:40.000 Get the stuff.

00:06:41.000 Did you lock the doors?

00:06:42.000 We're going out.

00:06:42.000 Did you call the bill guy?

00:06:44.000 Did you make sure of the payment?

00:06:46.000 What about the plumber?

00:06:47.000 Is that fixed?

00:06:48.000 Can we turn the water on?

00:06:50.000 Is it the...

00:06:52.000 The thing that drives me crazy when I look at those guys, the business guys and the president, it's not this president so much because he seems pretty funny, but they're so serious.

00:07:03.000 That's the one thing.

00:07:05.000 I don't take anything that serious around, even if people are screaming about whatever, anything.

00:07:12.000 I just will make a joke.

00:07:14.000 I keep it light.

00:07:15.000 I'm not clowning, but I will...

00:07:20.000 There was a dead lizard this morning in the washing machine.

00:07:25.000 And my wife's screaming, there's a lizard!

00:07:28.000 I'm like, could we keep him?

00:07:31.000 Just to let the kids know.

00:07:33.000 And they come back from these homes when they have playdates with...

00:07:38.000 Real grown-up fathers.

00:07:40.000 And they're like, nobody laughs over there.

00:07:43.000 It's really serious.

00:07:44.000 Well, a lot of people's lives are like a sentence.

00:07:47.000 You have a daily eight-hour sentence.

00:07:50.000 Your daily eight-hour sentence is to go to an office and do something you hate and then come home tired.

00:07:55.000 Yeah.

00:07:56.000 There's a TED podcast that I was listening to.

00:07:58.000 Let me come up with the name right here.

00:08:01.000 Maslow's Human Needs.

00:08:02.000 And I was listening to it on the way over here. 0.96

00:08:05.000 It's really fucking interesting. 0.92

00:08:07.000 Is Maslow the guy or is that the thing? 0.98

00:08:11.000 That's a good question.

00:08:12.000 I think it's the guy.

00:08:14.000 Who came up with these needs, a hierarchy of needs.

00:08:17.000 Of human needs.

00:08:18.000 Yeah, human needs.

00:08:20.000 Food, sleep, safety, love, purpose.

00:08:24.000 Psychologist, Abraham Maslow.

00:08:26.000 And that's his hierarchy triangle, like the food pyramid. 0.99

00:08:30.000 Which, by the way, is all fucked up. 0.98

00:08:31.000 The food pyramid, because I was reading a story to my six-year-old about... 0.99

00:08:37.000 It was one of those cat in the hat...

00:08:40.000 Like, the things you can do that are good for you.

00:08:42.000 Right.

00:08:42.000 And one of the things they show the food pyramid, the bottom is all bread.

00:08:48.000 Bread's good.

00:08:49.000 Well, it's not.

00:08:50.000 Bread's good.

00:08:51.000 It's not!

00:08:51.000 It's not good for you, Tom Papa.

00:08:53.000 I know we started a resurgence. 1.00

00:08:56.000 Oh, you brought bread, you son of a bitch? 1.00

00:08:59.000 It's wrapped in a cloth, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

00:09:01.000 Like he's some old-timey baker character.

00:09:05.000 The only thing I'm bummed out about is I didn't have a basket to bring it in.

00:09:09.000 Did you make that?

00:09:10.000 I made this.

00:09:11.000 This is a sourdough?

00:09:12.000 This is a sourdough bread.

00:09:13.000 From Tom Papa?

00:09:14.000 That made it into New York Times?

00:09:16.000 Yeah, when I did your show and talked about it.

00:09:20.000 This is a couple days old because I thought I was coming a couple days ago.

00:09:25.000 Ooh, dude, you even make the top a little flowery, like a real bakery.

00:09:29.000 Let me smell.

00:09:31.000 Oh, that smells so good.

00:09:32.000 It's good.

00:09:33.000 God, that smells good.

00:09:34.000 Yeah.

00:09:37.000 That's ancient sourdough. 1.00

00:09:39.000 Tom Papa, you fucking animal. 1.00

00:09:40.000 You brought a knife and everything? 1.00

00:09:42.000 Well, it looks like we're off the diet.

00:09:44.000 Today I was at the lowest weight I've been in, like, years.

00:09:48.000 Really?

00:09:49.000 I was 190 this morning.

00:09:50.000 Really?

00:09:51.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:09:52.000 How tall are you?

00:09:53.000 5'8".

00:09:53.000 Wow.

00:09:55.000 I really, uh...

00:09:57.000 I don't think that this bread...

00:09:59.000 This is sourdough bread.

00:10:00.000 You digest it as a lower glycemic?

00:10:02.000 Mm-hmm.

00:10:02.000 Supposedly.

00:10:05.000 Supposedly.

00:10:05.000 Allegedly.

00:10:06.000 I'm in though, dude.

00:10:07.000 Just slice it up.

00:10:07.000 Can I cut it on this?

00:10:08.000 Fuck yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:10:09.000 Alright, this is a couple days old, so it's not as... 0.99

00:10:10.000 If you scratch this table, it'll actually be good.

00:10:13.000 Like, it'll make it cooler.

00:10:15.000 So just cut it like it's a cutting board.

00:10:17.000 Don't be shy.

00:10:18.000 Alright.

00:10:18.000 This is how bread was made originally.

00:10:21.000 This is in ancient Egypt, 6,000 years ago.

00:10:25.000 Ancient Egypt?

00:10:26.000 Do you know that in ancient Egypt when they made bread, they ground their flour on mortar and pestle? 0.98

00:10:32.000 But they were really shitty.

00:10:34.000 And so they'd get a lot of sand in the flour. 0.99

00:10:37.000 So the people in ancient Egypt all had fucked up teeth, like worn down to the nerves. 0.96

00:10:44.000 Because they were chewing sand all day. 1.00

00:10:47.000 So the inside of their body was like a fucking... 0.99

00:10:49.000 What are those things called on birds? 1.00

00:10:51.000 What is that called?

00:10:51.000 Like a...

00:10:52.000 What is that thing that they do?

00:10:55.000 The crop.

00:10:56.000 Where you have your gizzard.

00:10:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:10:59.000 You have your fucking rocks in there and you chew up your food. 1.00

00:11:04.000 Oh, God. 1.00

00:11:05.000 Which is apparently one of the reasons why they made lead shot illegal in California.

00:11:12.000 Because if people do shooting clays, or if they shoot things in those little lead pellets from shotguns, birds will actually eat those.

00:11:21.000 And it goes in their gizzard, and they use it to...

00:11:26.000 To grind things up, but then they get lead poisoning.

00:11:29.000 That's the thing with the California condor.

00:11:31.000 Oh, really?

00:11:32.000 Yeah, that's one of the reasons why California condors...

00:11:35.000 One of the reasons why they made lead illegal for ammunition in California is because of California condors. 0.99

00:11:42.000 Because they would dump fucks. 1.00

00:11:45.000 Eating pellets. 1.00

00:11:47.000 Don't you know that's not a rock, you stupid fuck? 1.00

00:11:49.000 Some condor. 1.00

00:11:50.000 They look dumb. 1.00

00:11:51.000 They are dumb as fuck. 1.00

00:11:51.000 They really do look dumb. 1.00

00:11:52.000 But we need them. 1.00

00:11:53.000 This should be toasted.

00:11:54.000 I mean, toasted would really be the thing that would get you...

00:11:56.000 I'm gonna tell you right now, folks.

00:11:57.000 Here we go.

00:11:59.000 I'm so happy to see you eat bread.

00:12:04.000 This is pretty good.

00:12:07.000 Nice and airy.

00:12:10.000 We haven't bought bread since I started this.

00:12:12.000 How long ago was that?

00:12:14.000 December.

00:12:15.000 Wow.

00:12:15.000 We have not bought bread.

00:12:17.000 Do you know bread in your supermarket?

00:12:21.000 This is made with three ingredients.

00:12:23.000 This is flour, water, and salt.

00:12:25.000 That's it.

00:12:26.000 That's it.

00:12:26.000 You know, from your sourdough starter.

00:12:29.000 Bread, like the healthy whole wheat bread you just get at Ralph's or whatever, 32 ingredients.

00:12:35.000 32. This is pure.

00:12:38.000 And is that just because it's preserved?

00:12:40.000 Preservatives and flavors and...

00:12:43.000 People get so mad when you eat on a microphone.

00:12:45.000 I know, but it's so good.

00:12:48.000 Normally, folks, I would never do this to you.

00:12:50.000 I'm only doing this to you because Tom Papa brought some bread in, and I'm going to break my diet for a few hours.

00:12:55.000 The sourdough flavor, like that little after flavor in the top of your mouth, that's a bacteria.

00:13:01.000 That's lactobacillus or something like that.

00:13:03.000 Yeah?

00:13:04.000 Yeah.

00:13:04.000 Dude, this is really good.

00:13:05.000 You're an excellent bread guy.

00:13:07.000 It's pretty good.

00:13:07.000 This whole stand-up comedy thing doesn't pan out?

00:13:10.000 Dude...

00:13:11.000 I'm gonna just go into it.

00:13:12.000 After doing your podcast and then talking about it on my podcast...

00:13:17.000 It just kind of erupted.

00:13:18.000 People were just so interested in just this pure, making something small and simple.

00:13:25.000 And I think I told you when I saw you at the comedy store, it was like, you know, you have some real men listeners, like dudes, who look like they're going to call you for advice on a truck, and they're like, I can't get my starter right.

00:13:42.000 There's some like...

00:13:43.000 And people would start sending me pictures of their bread and pictures of their sourdough.

00:13:46.000 And then this guy from the New York Times, Sam Sifton, the editor, was doing an article on it.

00:13:51.000 So he contacted me.

00:13:52.000 And I was part of this whole thing about people keep their sourdough starter like a pet.

00:13:59.000 So it was kind of like this revival of this little method.

00:14:03.000 So I ended up in this article in the New York Times.

00:14:06.000 Yeah, I read it.

00:14:08.000 I had a lot of people send me articles about starters, too.

00:14:11.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:14:12.000 Like people in England that have 150-year-old starters and all this crazy shit. 0.99

00:14:16.000 Weird. 0.98

00:14:17.000 It's so good, though.

00:14:18.000 I had never even heard about it until you brought it up.

00:14:20.000 I know.

00:14:20.000 I had no idea.

00:14:21.000 I had no idea either until a month before that.

00:14:24.000 I was under the impression, and it was with zero research.

00:14:29.000 Just my head.

00:14:30.000 This is how you make bread.

00:14:31.000 I thought you'd take flour and water and eggs and yeast.

00:14:34.000 Yeah, you add yeast.

00:14:36.000 Pour yeast in.

00:14:36.000 And that's all I thought.

00:14:37.000 I never knew that you had like...

00:14:41.000 That you take flour and mix it with water and then you get yeast out of the air.

00:14:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:14:45.000 When you told me that, I was like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:14:48.000 That's crazy. 0.99

00:14:49.000 It's just floating around us all the time.

00:14:51.000 But did you know that's the case with nitrogen?

00:14:53.000 Mm-mm.

00:14:54.000 Yeah.

00:14:55.000 The reason why there's so many people on this planet, and this is from a Radiolab podcast that highlighted, I think it was called The Bad Show?

00:15:05.000 The Radio Lab podcast was highlighting how sometimes really bad people do really good things.

00:15:13.000 Sometimes it's difficult to differentiate between someone who's bad or good because what they've done is so amazing.

00:15:19.000 Right.

00:15:20.000 There's a guy named Fritz Haber.

00:15:22.000 And Fritz Haber was a scientist in Germany.

00:15:25.000 And what Haber did was he figured out a way to extract nitrogen from the air.

00:15:30.000 Because apparently our air is mostly nitrogen.

00:15:34.000 It's a massive part of what's in the air is nitrogen.

00:15:37.000 Okay.

00:15:37.000 I don't know what percentage.

00:15:38.000 Young Jamie, what percentage?

00:15:40.000 Jamie!

00:15:40.000 Jamie, please, what percentage of the oxygen surrounding the five-year-old monarch?

00:15:47.000 Candy! 0.99

00:15:48.000 I want to know how much nitrogen is in the air.

00:15:51.000 Jamie!

00:15:53.000 What does it say?

00:15:54.000 20%.

00:15:54.000 Okay.

00:15:55.000 So, okay.

00:15:56.000 By volume, dry air contains 78% nitrogen.

00:16:00.000 Oh, wow.

00:16:01.000 20% oxygen.

00:16:02.000 Wow.

00:16:03.000 78% nitrogen.

00:16:04.000 So, the air is mostly nitrogen, and we need nitrogen for fertilizer.

00:16:08.000 So, Fritz Haber came up with this method called the Haber method of extracting nitrogen from air, and that is what we use primarily for fertilizer.

00:16:19.000 Okay.

00:16:19.000 It's a big part of what We need to make sure that the ground is viable for growing food.

00:16:25.000 Well, the Haber method is responsible for the nitrogen apparently that's in 50% of the people on the planet, extracted directly from the Haber method.

00:16:34.000 What do you mean, in the people?

00:16:36.000 The nitrogen from, say if you grow plants, right, and you eat those plants, the nitrogen that gets in your body from those plants, 50% of it is coming from this one guy's method that he invented in World War I. Crazy.

00:16:52.000 It is crazy.

00:16:53.000 Crazy.

00:16:53.000 So what was in us in the 1800s?

00:16:56.000 Fertilizer from fish things like that like you you'd have to get mulch compost and That's how a lot of people do it today with organic farming right now they use right like in my house We we take our chicken eggs and and things that we don't eat and it goes into this pile with leaves and oh,

00:17:13.000 yeah Yeah, you have to compost is tricky like yeah, it's you have to kind of create an environment for bacteria and stuff to grow and you When plants eat, they don't just eat water, right?

00:17:25.000 It's not just photosynthesis, but they also need nutrients from the soil.

00:17:28.000 And they get their nutrients in the soil from dead things, from decaying bodies, from worms and just bugs and all kinds of shit.

00:17:38.000 Well, this guy, Fritz Haber, figured out how to get the nitrogen in order to fertilize the ground, just getting it out of the air.

00:17:45.000 But he also created Zyklon B. Zyklon A and B. The shit that they use to kill Jews in the concentration camps. 0.99

00:17:55.000 That guy created that. 1.00

00:17:57.000 What an evil name. 1.00

00:17:58.000 You know that's bad shit as soon as they say it. 1.00

00:18:00.000 Zyklon. 1.00

00:18:01.000 Zyklon. 0.68

00:18:02.000 That's how you say it, right?

00:18:03.000 Zyklon?

00:18:04.000 So he came up with Zyklon A, and Zyklon A was this gas, but there was a scent attached to it so that you could smell it.

00:18:15.000 Right. 0.98

00:18:15.000 So that you could know it's dangerous, get the fuck away from it. 0.98

00:18:17.000 Like gas. 0.94

00:18:18.000 The Nazis switched it to Zyklon B. They took out that smell.

00:18:23.000 Ah.

00:18:24.000 And that's what they used to gas people in the concentration camps. 0.94

00:18:26.000 So Fritz Haber, who by the way was a Jew, his Haber method created this horrible thing. 1.00

00:18:33.000 He also was one of the first people to institute Some form of chemical warfare in World War I. The same method that he used to extract nitrogen from the oxygen, somehow or another he utilized that method to bomb Allied troops with poison gas.

00:18:53.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:18:55.000 Apparently he was a fucking maniac. 1.00

00:18:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:57.000 And it was directly his idea. 1.00

00:18:59.000 Not only was it directly his idea to bomb the Allies, but he was super excited about it. 0.80

00:19:03.000 Really?

00:19:04.000 Yeah.

00:19:05.000 So he just had this power of knowledge and...

00:19:08.000 Went right to evil.

00:19:10.000 Well, sort of, because he thought he was doing good, because he was doing it for Germany, you know?

00:19:15.000 Right.

00:19:15.000 But then, he was eventually...

00:19:18.000 When Hitler rose to power, he was fucked, because he was Jewish. 1.00

00:19:23.000 So because he was Jewish, you know, he didn't... 0.99

00:19:27.000 Because he was so valuable as a scientist, they didn't immediately lock him up.

00:19:31.000 But he was in this weird position where he had to take a stand.

00:19:34.000 And, you know, like...

00:19:36.000 What he was responsible for doing ultimately went on to kill untold millions of people.

00:19:43.000 Did he survive?

00:19:44.000 Did they keep him alive?

00:19:45.000 No.

00:19:45.000 No, he died.

00:19:46.000 He died seeking I think it was some sort of healthcare in Switzerland or something like that.

00:19:53.000 I think he had like a bad heart.

00:19:55.000 Really?

00:19:55.000 And he died trying to make it there.

00:19:57.000 Because he was sort of exiled by his country and they wouldn't take him in England because of the...

00:20:01.000 Because he was wanted at the same time he was receiving a Nobel Prize for creating the Hopper Method.

00:20:05.000 He was wanted for crimes against humanity.

00:20:07.000 He was wanted as a war criminal for using this gas on the Allied troops.

00:20:12.000 Jeez.

00:20:13.000 So it's so complicated.

00:20:14.000 So on one hand, he was responsible for the death of all these people in this horrible, horrible way.

00:20:19.000 Right.

00:20:19.000 But on the other hand, the Haber Method, again, is responsible for, like, literally, they believe that the population boom is directly attributable to his invention.

00:20:29.000 Amazing.

00:20:30.000 Just a side thing.

00:20:31.000 At what point did it become a war crime to use gas?

00:20:36.000 I think nobody had ever done it before.

00:20:38.000 So they just saw how bad it was and immediately was like, this is heinous.

00:20:43.000 The idea of a war crime is very strange.

00:20:46.000 It's tricky.

00:20:47.000 Because when you said, well, he thought he was doing a good thing because it's his country that he's protecting.

00:20:52.000 And it hadn't been done before that people were using gas.

00:20:55.000 So it's like, why would that be a crime at that time?

00:20:59.000 Well, what's a war crime and what isn't, right? 0.91

00:21:01.000 Like, is dropping a bomb, is that a war crime if you drop a bomb on a city?

00:21:05.000 Hydrogen, nuclear, whatever you want to do?

00:21:07.000 I mean, isn't it a war crime if you indiscriminately kill people who happen to be in the area that you're bombing?

00:21:12.000 What's the crime?

00:21:13.000 Like, you're supposed to be killing...

00:21:15.000 That's Tom Papa still digging around that bread. 0.89

00:21:17.000 I'm sorry, I'm still chewing.

00:21:18.000 This is the problem.

00:21:19.000 It's right in front of you.

00:21:20.000 That's what the problem is. 1.00

00:21:21.000 Wrap that bitch up. 1.00

00:21:22.000 Wrap that bitch up so we don't keep doing this. 1.00

00:21:24.000 Because otherwise, people will tolerate like a session of a podcast where you're chewing bread. 1.00

00:21:29.000 But if we keep going, they'll be fucking pissed. 0.97

00:21:32.000 And then Adam Kroll will get more viewers. 0.99

00:21:34.000 I'm glad that you ate it though.

00:21:36.000 I knew you'd be concerned about the bread.

00:21:39.000 Well, I hit a milestone this morning at 190. That's huge.

00:21:43.000 That's great.

00:21:44.000 Yeah, I've lost more than 10 pounds.

00:21:45.000 Since when?

00:21:47.000 How long has it been?

00:21:48.000 Five, six months?

00:21:49.000 Something like that?

00:21:50.000 Five months?

00:21:51.000 Just going real clean? 0.94

00:21:52.000 Well, I cut all the bullshit out and I started eating a high-fat diet, high healthy fats like avocados, coconut oil, things along those lines. 0.95

00:22:08.000 I just cut out bread, sugar, all that stuff. 0.98

00:22:12.000 No carbs?

00:22:12.000 Well, very little.

00:22:14.000 I get most of my carbs from vegetables, but man, I'll tell you, as far as physically, my energy level, it's amazing.

00:22:20.000 I feel so good.

00:22:21.000 Oh, I've never felt better.

00:22:22.000 Really?

00:22:23.000 Yeah, it's incredible.

00:22:23.000 I want to try this.

00:22:25.000 I think we just get used to feeling like shit. 0.99

00:22:28.000 It's really true. 1.00

00:22:30.000 You know?

00:22:30.000 It's totally true.

00:22:31.000 You just get used to it.

00:22:32.000 People are hungover.

00:22:34.000 Yeah.

00:22:34.000 You're just kind of like in this fog and you're just like, that's just how I am.

00:22:38.000 Whether it's bad diet or booze or whatever.

00:22:41.000 What about the...

00:22:42.000 Do you see how Kimmel lost his weight?

00:22:43.000 How did he do it?

00:22:44.000 That fasting thing?

00:22:46.000 That 5-2 diet?

00:22:48.000 5-2 diet. 0.91

00:22:50.000 It's five days he just eats whatever like a crazy person.

00:22:54.000 And then two days he eats under 500 calories.

00:22:58.000 And he attributes, he says he's been doing it for years, and this is why he's slim.

00:23:02.000 You know, he's a lot slimmer than he used to be.

00:23:04.000 And yeah, two days don't eat like 500 calories.

00:23:08.000 It's not, you know, it's like pickles and coffee.

00:23:10.000 And then the rest of the days he just eats whatever he wants to eat.

00:23:15.000 That can't be good for your body, right?

00:23:18.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:23:19.000 I'm just too stupid for this. 0.99

00:23:22.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:23:22.000 I do the minimal amount of research on almost everything. 0.99

00:23:26.000 You seem so knowledgeable about it, though.

00:23:28.000 I seem knowledgeable about a few things.

00:23:30.000 It's true.

00:23:30.000 Whenever I have these kind of questions, like, Joe will know.

00:23:32.000 I know a few things, but if you, like, go into depth with me about them and you find out how shallow my knowledge truly is...

00:23:43.000 A woman came to my show in San Francisco this weekend.

00:23:46.000 Dr. Rhonda...

00:23:48.000 Patrick.

00:23:48.000 Yeah.

00:23:49.000 You met her?

00:23:50.000 No, she hit me on Twitter after she had been at the show and was thanking me for being so hilarious.

00:23:55.000 Hilarious.

00:23:56.000 And I saw she had a lot of Twitter followers, so I just looked her up and...

00:24:01.000 Saw her on your show, and she was really interesting, and she's super smart about all this stuff, and just goes, the facts just pouring out of her.

00:24:10.000 But whether you're acting or not, you look like you knew what you're doing. 1.00

00:24:17.000 I'm not acting, but it's a perfect example because in comparison to her, I'm an idiot. 1.00

00:24:23.000 Well, yeah, but she's off the charts. 1.00

00:24:25.000 Well, that's how I look at it.

00:24:26.000 Right, right.

00:24:28.000 Compared to a regular person, yeah, I can tell you what ketosis is and I can tell you why it's better to have your body burn fat, allegedly.

00:24:35.000 Right.

00:24:36.000 Although people disagree with it.

00:24:37.000 This is stuff like, Bobby Lee doesn't know this stuff.

00:24:41.000 Poor Bobby Lee.

00:24:43.000 He has a beautiful body.

00:24:44.000 Do you think so? 1.00

00:24:46.000 Everybody's into different shit. 1.00

00:24:47.000 Like a scallop. 1.00

00:24:48.000 Like a scallop.

00:24:50.000 Like a scallop with legs.

00:24:53.000 Remember those old days?

00:24:54.000 That was like a hot look?

00:24:56.000 What, being a schlubby?

00:24:57.000 Yeah, those like Victorian days. 0.88

00:24:59.000 People would just lie around and just look like a lardass and everybody was like, oh.

00:25:03.000 Yeah, it meant wealth.

00:25:04.000 It meant, oh, that guy can afford food.

00:25:06.000 Isn't that amazing?

00:25:08.000 Yeah.

00:25:08.000 Because back then it was probably difficult to get that fat too.

00:25:12.000 Yeah.

00:25:12.000 Because they weren't eating processed foods.

00:25:15.000 Right. 0.99

00:25:15.000 Like all this stuff that we eat today, like candy bars and shit like that, Coca-Cola, it's just right to fat. 0.99

00:25:22.000 Immediate. 0.99

00:25:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:25:22.000 So like back then, if you were going to get that fat, like I always picture, whenever I picture Rubenesque, I picture somehow or another, I picture them naked on a couch. 0.99

00:25:31.000 Right.

00:25:32.000 Do you?

00:25:32.000 Like do you have like a...

00:25:34.000 Like, when you think of, like, overweight people from that part of time, I always picture them, like, lounging naked.

00:25:40.000 With food around them.

00:25:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:41.000 Just fat as fuck. 1.00

00:25:42.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

00:25:44.000 You had to eat a lot of food back then.

00:25:46.000 A lot.

00:25:46.000 But, you know, isn't it probably until, like, the last 40 years?

00:25:50.000 Because, like, when you look at movies even, like, in the 60s, Everybody.

00:25:55.000 The extras, the stars, beyond the stars.

00:25:59.000 Just the people in...

00:26:00.000 They're all thin.

00:26:01.000 Yeah.

00:26:01.000 They're all thin.

00:26:03.000 They're just not the puffiness that we all have now.

00:26:06.000 Yeah.

00:26:06.000 There's a puffiness that comes because we're trying to eat this bread.

00:26:11.000 We think it's whole wheat bread from the store, and it's got sugar.

00:26:13.000 It's got fruit.

00:26:14.000 It's got stuff in it that's puffing us up.

00:26:17.000 That didn't exist even in the 60s and 70s.

00:26:19.000 Well, a big part is corn syrup.

00:26:21.000 Did you ever see King Corn?

00:26:22.000 Yeah.

00:26:23.000 No.

00:26:23.000 The documentary?

00:26:24.000 No.

00:26:24.000 It's amazing.

00:26:26.000 It's a crazy documentary where these guys, they're students, and they go and they get their body examined.

00:26:33.000 And they examine the doctor who does the tests on them, examines their carbon in their body and finds out that most of it comes from corn.

00:26:43.000 And they were like, what? 0.99

00:26:44.000 Like, what in the fuck is that? 0.99

00:26:45.000 So it sends them on this journey where they start examining the role that corn plays in our diet and food. 0.99

00:26:51.000 And they ultimately went...

00:26:53.000 And they got their own farmland and started growing some corn.

00:26:57.000 But they go into the whole process of corn, how corn is subsidized by the US government, and how much corn is in different products that we eat.

00:27:07.000 So these guys go to the supermarket.

00:27:10.000 And they walk down the aisle and just randomly start grabbing stuff and find out this has corn protein, this has corn syrup, this has this and that and that and this. 0.99

00:27:17.000 And fucking they use corn for everything, man. 0.99

00:27:20.000 And even the meat is all corn-fed animals. 1.00

00:27:23.000 Yes, and that's why they're so fat.

00:27:24.000 And yeah, they shouldn't be eating corn.

00:27:26.000 Exactly.

00:27:26.000 Well, when you have a steak and it's corn-fed, that big, thick layer of fat and the marbling, which we call marbling, that's like the cow dying.

00:27:36.000 That's the cow being a fat fuck. 1.00

00:27:38.000 Right. 1.00

00:27:38.000 And you're like, yeah, unhealthy cow, get over here, baby. 1.00

00:27:42.000 That's the tasty part.

00:27:44.000 That's evil.

00:27:45.000 Yeah, it's weird.

00:27:47.000 Yeah.

00:27:48.000 It's weird that we like...

00:27:49.000 I mean, it does taste good, though. 0.99

00:27:51.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:27:51.000 But to think that you... 0.99

00:27:52.000 I know. 0.83

00:27:54.000 A fatty piece of meat.

00:27:55.000 I know.

00:27:56.000 Like a fat, thick ribeye that's well-marbled.

00:28:00.000 Oh, good Lord.

00:28:01.000 Why is it so good if it's bad for you?

00:28:03.000 So good.

00:28:03.000 Why are the good things bad for you, Tom Papa?

00:28:05.000 I don't know.

00:28:06.000 It's because God wants you to come see him in heaven.

00:28:10.000 Is that what it is?

00:28:11.000 Aw, sweetie. 0.97

00:28:13.000 That's awesome.

00:28:13.000 My new movement is to try and not eat factory farmed meat.

00:28:19.000 And...

00:28:20.000 Which basically means you're not eating meat most of the time.

00:28:23.000 Like, you can't eat it when you're out.

00:28:25.000 You can't eat pepperoni pizza.

00:28:27.000 You can't eat...

00:28:28.000 You know what I mean?

00:28:28.000 Like, if you really want to try and know exactly where your meat is coming from, you're basically cutting a ton of meat out of your diet.

00:28:36.000 Yeah.

00:28:37.000 Because you can, for home use, go to a farmer's market, pick up a, you know, beef that is grown by, you know, raised it by this local...

00:28:46.000 Cattle hand.

00:28:47.000 But just to go out in the world on the road and just be like, I'm only going to eat where I know where it's come from.

00:28:53.000 Look at a room service menu.

00:28:55.000 Yeah, that's not going to happen.

00:28:57.000 You'd have to go to a restaurant where you knew what the farm was that they got it from, which there's a lot of those now.

00:29:03.000 Yeah, I mean, yeah.

00:29:04.000 I mean, you know, you go to these places now and they say farm-raised.

00:29:07.000 Yeah, farm-to-table places.

00:29:09.000 Yeah, there's a lot more.

00:29:10.000 And cities that never had it, either.

00:29:12.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:29:13.000 Like, you go to, like, Cleveland, which was notorious for, like, you know, not giving a shit about their diet, and now there's a lot of places like that.

00:29:21.000 Yeah, well, I think... 0.56

00:29:23.000 The internet has sort of expanded people's idea of what food is, and I think a lot of chefs who really enjoy food but don't really enjoy this whole idea of factory farming, and they're trying to figure out, well, there's got to be a more wholesome approach to getting your food.

00:29:37.000 And so they make relationships with these farmers, and then they buy their food directly from them.

00:29:42.000 There's this one place in Maine...

00:29:44.000 That was on Anthony Bourdain's show.

00:29:47.000 I think it was on his early show, the No Reservation show.

00:29:50.000 And these people in Maine, they do everything.

00:29:53.000 And it's a short...

00:29:54.000 They're not open in the winter, because winters in Maine are just brutal.

00:29:58.000 So they're closed in the winter, but during the summer, spring, and fall, they have...

00:30:05.000 Everything on the menu is vegetables that they grow, and then they butcher their own animals.

00:30:11.000 They raise their own animals.

00:30:12.000 That was really weird because they were petting this pig.

00:30:15.000 They had the pig and they were petting him. 0.92

00:30:17.000 They were talking about how after you kill a couple of them, you start looking at them like, oh, this is a nice ham hock here. 0.77

00:30:24.000 The bacon's going to be good off of this one. 0.95

00:30:26.000 Yeah.

00:30:28.000 It's dark because you're directly connected to it. 0.97

00:30:32.000 You don't have that middle man that gives you a nice filter so you don't have to think about the morality behind killing that little piggy. 0.93

00:30:41.000 I know.

00:30:41.000 But it seems like those people are able to do it.

00:30:44.000 Like, it is kind of a natural thing.

00:30:46.000 Well, it's natural for farmers.

00:30:48.000 You know, if you talk to farmers, they get used to it.

00:30:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:30:51.000 You get used to this idea that, you know, you have these things, you raise them, you love them, then you shoot them in the head and eat them. 0.98

00:30:59.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:31:00.000 And look, you're not going to get rid of factory farming.

00:31:02.000 There's so many people that are eating.

00:31:04.000 It's going to exist.

00:31:05.000 But I just feel like maybe I don't have to participate in it.

00:31:09.000 Is it always going to exist?

00:31:11.000 You think it's always going to exist?

00:31:11.000 I think so.

00:31:12.000 Yeah, it's spreading.

00:31:13.000 Why is it always going to exist?

00:31:14.000 Well, it's spreading and it's getting stronger.

00:31:16.000 I mean, factory farming is now ending up in places that never had a meat-based diet.

00:31:21.000 It's ending up all throughout Asia. 0.90

00:31:23.000 Is it really?

00:31:24.000 Yeah, it's spreading.

00:31:25.000 It's not getting smaller.

00:31:26.000 But that's just because it's profitable, right?

00:31:29.000 Yeah.

00:31:29.000 If people just abandon it.

00:31:30.000 If people jump in and say, enough of that, I can't do this anymore.

00:31:33.000 Right.

00:31:33.000 And then the demand drops.

00:31:35.000 Right.

00:31:35.000 What we got to do is we got to give everyone in America all that money so they get that $179,000.

00:31:40.000 Yeah.

00:31:41.000 They could afford that sweet, sweet farm-raised protein.

00:31:47.000 Hey, back to the science guy that made the Zyklon beast thing.

00:31:54.000 Yeah.

00:31:55.000 Pritz Harbor.

00:31:56.000 Yeah.

00:31:56.000 Harbor.

00:31:57.000 Harbor.

00:31:57.000 Yeah.

00:31:58.000 So...

00:31:59.000 That's a guy that has a lot of good in his mind, but then it becomes this evil kind of a thing.

00:32:11.000 You were asking, what's a war crime?

00:32:15.000 You know, it's kind of fuzzy.

00:32:16.000 It depends on what side you're on and how you're living.

00:32:19.000 You could say the same thing about being a terrorist.

00:32:22.000 I mean, we see someone as being a terrorist as being something evil and awful.

00:32:26.000 But I'm sure, like, if you talk to a family, if an 18-year-old kid is like, you don't understand how my family is suffering in the middle of this desert and we're being tortured by these governments that came in and raped our land, he could make a case that would make you think, Well, you blowing up something is not really a war crime.

00:32:43.000 It's you fighting for your survival.

00:32:45.000 Sounds like Tom Pop is a terrorist sympathizer.

00:32:47.000 We found out two things about Tom Pop. 0.99

00:32:49.000 He likes bread and terrorists. 0.80

00:32:51.000 And I love terrorism.

00:32:55.000 It is that fuzzy thing.

00:32:56.000 Someone had asked me that question in regards to our own revolution.

00:33:02.000 When we started fighting outside of the lines and hiding in trees and doing some crazy kind of fighting, we weren't in those lines anymore.

00:33:10.000 It was like, these guys are rebels.

00:33:11.000 These guys are terrorists. 0.97

00:33:13.000 Yeah, you're cheating. 0.91

00:33:14.000 But I think you can probably dig back to the root of it and be like, well, you're hurting innocent people or whatever it is.

00:33:20.000 There probably is a line where you can say this is A war crime.

00:33:24.000 Well, what's interesting is at one point in time, war was handled in a gentlemanly way.

00:33:29.000 Like, the leaders of one army would meet with the leaders of the other.

00:33:34.000 And the general would actually hand his sword over to the other general.

00:33:39.000 And they'd either take it, or occasionally, in a gesture of good faith, they would give the sword back to him, accept defeat, or accept victory.

00:33:48.000 And they handled war by these very strict codes, at least at the highest levels.

00:33:54.000 Right.

00:33:55.000 And then somewhere along the line, we figured that we don't...

00:33:57.000 I think that was because it was like super intimate.

00:34:00.000 Like for war back then, you had to kind of be on top of each other.

00:34:04.000 You know, you had to be like stabbing each other.

00:34:06.000 Right. 0.94

00:34:07.000 Or shooting each other with arrows at the very...

00:34:09.000 And it's not that far away.

00:34:11.000 From 25 yards.

00:34:11.000 Yeah, you're dealing with like much shorter distances.

00:34:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:15.000 And then once they figure out bombs, like, I don't even know where this bomb's going, but fuck those people. 1.00

00:34:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:21.000 Right, exactly.

00:34:22.000 Where's the general?

00:34:23.000 I'm dropping this on him.

00:34:24.000 And his sword.

00:34:26.000 I mean, isn't World War II the ultimate example of that?

00:34:29.000 I mean, World War II, when they drop those bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, those bombs are...

00:34:36.000 That's the ultimate...

00:34:37.000 I don't even know what's going to happen down there. 1.00

00:34:39.000 I'm just going to let this motherfucker drop his... 1.00

00:34:41.000 Right. 1.00

00:34:41.000 They'd never dropped a bomb in a city before. 1.00

00:34:43.000 Right.

00:34:43.000 And this is the first time they dropped...

00:34:45.000 I mean, it only happened twice, ever, but those two nuclear bombs they dropped in those cities, they literally were like, whoever the fuck's down there, tough shit. 0.99

00:34:52.000 So long. 1.00

00:34:53.000 Babies.

00:34:54.000 Yeah, we're going to end this. 1.00

00:34:55.000 Yeah, you drop a bomb on a city, for sure you're killing babies. 1.00

00:34:58.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:59.000 100%.

00:34:59.000 Babies, puppies.

00:35:01.000 Old ladies, grandpa.

00:35:02.000 Yeah.

00:35:02.000 Grandpa and grandma might be kissing in the kitchen.

00:35:05.000 What a wonderful life we've had.

00:35:09.000 What the...

00:35:10.000 Yeah.

00:35:13.000 Worse is being like the guy who's just outside of the area that gets affected.

00:35:17.000 You know, the guy whose house doesn't get touched just a mile outside of it, who's just like, oh my god.

00:35:24.000 Well, there was one guy who escaped Hiroshima and went to Nagasaki, and then he got blown up in Nagasaki, too.

00:35:30.000 No! 0.99

00:35:33.000 That motherfucker must have thought the world was ending. 1.00

00:35:35.000 Old Bad Luck Jones. 1.00

00:35:37.000 This bullshit ass war. 1.00

00:35:39.000 I don't even have nothing to do with it. 1.00

00:35:40.000 I'm out here making sushi.

00:35:42.000 Surrender already.

00:35:43.000 Trying to read samurai books. 1.00

00:35:45.000 These fucking dudes are dropping nuclear bombs. 1.00

00:35:48.000 I saw Adrian Brody had a cool quote on Woody Allen yesterday. 1.00

00:35:57.000 Just back to the thing of good and evil, whether this guy was a good person or a bad person.

00:36:02.000 We're asking him about Woody Allen.

00:36:05.000 He's like, you know, it's a complicated thing, being a person.

00:36:10.000 It's a complicated, messy affair.

00:36:14.000 And he's an artist, and I like his films, and it would be irresponsible of me to assume I know something of which I know very little.

00:36:25.000 I don't know what's going on in a man's life, let alone his sexual life, let alone his...

00:36:29.000 To assume that you know these things and treat them as truth when they haven't even been proven true, it's just a difficult thing.

00:36:37.000 The thing I latched onto is it's just such a mess being a person.

00:36:41.000 It is a mess being a person.

00:36:42.000 It's so complicated.

00:36:44.000 And especially a person that's been around for years.

00:36:47.000 Like, you know, you're 70 years old.

00:36:48.000 You've been around trying to be a person for a long time.

00:36:53.000 A long, long, long time.

00:36:55.000 You are going to make mistakes.

00:36:56.000 You are going to be, at the very least, a mess.

00:37:01.000 There's a thing about Woody Allen, though, where you're standing... 0.91

00:37:06.000 When you stand against him, you're not just standing against a human being who may or may not have done some fucked up things, but you're also standing against the idea of people doing the things that he is alleged to have done, like sexual abuse of minors. 0.88

00:37:22.000 Right. 0.93

00:37:22.000 You know, because that's one of the things that his... 0.93

00:37:25.000 Daughter and her brother are alleging that he did.

00:37:29.000 His son wrote an article about him.

00:37:32.000 You know about that, right?

00:37:34.000 Ronan.

00:37:34.000 Ronan Farrow.

00:37:35.000 Who's really Sinatra's son.

00:37:38.000 Yes, he's obviously Sinatra's son.

00:37:40.000 Oh man, he looks just like Sinatra.

00:37:41.000 He looks just like Sinatra.

00:37:42.000 Really smart guy. 1.00

00:37:43.000 So first of all, Mia Farrow's a whore. 1.00

00:37:45.000 Can we just say that? 1.00

00:37:47.000 Very promiscuous. 1.00

00:37:49.000 Well, she just liked the dick. 1.00

00:37:51.000 And Sinatra probably slang some good dick, you know? 1.00

00:37:54.000 Sinatra? 0.99

00:37:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:37:55.000 This must be weird for Woody. 0.99

00:37:56.000 Like, growing up, he must be like, that is not my fucking kid. 0.99

00:38:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:38:01.000 Do you think he ever got a DNA test?

00:38:02.000 I mean, Jesus Christ.

00:38:03.000 No, not back then.

00:38:04.000 Look at that.

00:38:06.000 That's Mia Farrow and Sinatra's baby, 100%. 0.89

00:38:09.000 Yeah, there's no Woody and Ronan at all.

00:38:13.000 Does Woody Allen say that?

00:38:14.000 He looks a lot like Sinatra?

00:38:16.000 I've never heard him comment on it.

00:38:17.000 Well, it says it right there.

00:38:19.000 What's it say?

00:38:20.000 Right there, Woody Allen says, Ronan Farrow looks a lot like Frank Sinatra.

00:38:25.000 Gee, you think?

00:38:27.000 I mean, has there ever been a clear example?

00:38:30.000 Those eyes, the blue eyes.

00:38:32.000 Oh my god, look at his face.

00:38:33.000 Old blue eyes.

00:38:34.000 But his face, everything about him.

00:38:35.000 Jaw, lips, even the crease on the left-hand side, our left. 0.99

00:38:40.000 Why the fuck hasn't he gotten a DNA test? 0.99

00:38:43.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:38:44.000 I'd be like, that kid needs to shut the fuck up and get rid of my name. 1.00

00:38:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:38:49.000 Well, it's actually Farrow.

00:38:51.000 Ronan Farrow.

00:38:52.000 So it's not really his son.

00:38:53.000 But I guess he probably raised him as his son.

00:38:55.000 Is that the deal?

00:38:56.000 I guess he was around.

00:38:57.000 Geez, he's 78. Wow.

00:38:59.000 Addressed ex-girlfriend Mia Farrow's claims that their son Ronan may actually be her ex-husband Frank Sinatra's child.

00:39:05.000 Maybe.

00:39:06.000 I pause for a quick word on the Rowan situation, Alan wrote in the middle of his response to Dylan Farrell's detailed New York Times open letter accusing him of sexually abusing her.

00:39:15.000 Is he my son or, as Mia suggests, Frank Sinatra's?

00:39:19.000 Granted, he looks a lot like Frank with the blue eyes and the facial features, but if so, what does that say?

00:39:25.000 That all during the custody hearing, Mia lied under oath and... 0.93

00:39:30.000 So that means while she was with Woody, after being with Frank, going with Woody, she drifted back to Frank for a night or two. 0.99

00:39:36.000 She got some dick. 1.00

00:39:38.000 Got the world on a string. 1.00

00:39:41.000 Living on a rainbow.

00:39:44.000 By the way, Mia Farrow, actress. 0.98

00:39:46.000 Most likely crazy. 0.97

00:39:48.000 Like, good luck finding an actress that's not crazy.

00:39:51.000 Or actor that's not crazy.

00:39:53.000 There's probably, I mean, two out of ten.

00:39:56.000 Maybe two out of ten aren't crazy.

00:39:58.000 I've met a lot of them.

00:39:59.000 They're real nice.

00:39:59.000 A lot of actors that are real nice.

00:40:01.000 But two out of ten, probably crazy.

00:40:04.000 I mean, not crazy.

00:40:05.000 Two out of ten, not crazy.

00:40:06.000 Right?

00:40:07.000 Yes.

00:40:07.000 Maybe even one out of ten.

00:40:09.000 I'm nice.

00:40:10.000 I'm trying to...

00:40:11.000 I try to be nice.

00:40:12.000 They go crazy. 0.98

00:40:13.000 And the more, I was going to say, the more popular they are, or the more successful they are, the crazier they are. 0.99

00:40:19.000 But when they're not successful, they're crazy, too. 1.00

00:40:21.000 Yeah, they're just crazy. 0.98

00:40:22.000 You know who's not crazy at all? 0.97

00:40:23.000 Rosario Dawson.

00:40:25.000 She's great.

00:40:26.000 Super hot.

00:40:26.000 Super cool.

00:40:27.000 And super normal.

00:40:28.000 I did a Super Bisto with her.

00:40:30.000 What is that?

00:40:31.000 It's that animated film I made with Rob Zombie.

00:40:34.000 Oh yeah?

00:40:34.000 Yeah.

00:40:35.000 She's like one of the weirder ones I've ever met.

00:40:37.000 You're like, huh, you're not even like an actress.

00:40:39.000 You're like a normal person.

00:40:40.000 Like a normal person.

00:40:41.000 Yeah.

00:40:41.000 What happened?

00:40:43.000 Are you immune?

00:40:44.000 Dangerous.

00:40:45.000 You didn't get the sickness.

00:40:46.000 It gets the sickness in its veins and its bones.

00:40:50.000 It gets the sickness.

00:40:52.000 It needs Botox.

00:40:55.000 I want awards.

00:40:57.000 Where's my award?

00:41:00.000 They get awards that belongs to me.

00:41:06.000 Alone.

00:41:07.000 Didn't Sinatra give his divorce papers to Mia while she was doing Rosemary's Baby?

00:41:15.000 I believe something along those lines.

00:41:18.000 She was on the set with Polanski and he had delivered the...

00:41:24.000 You're hitting the skids, baby.

00:41:26.000 Right in the middle of her acting.

00:41:29.000 Well, back in those days, people just, you know, like a guy like Sinatra...

00:41:35.000 Had there ever...

00:41:40.000 Think of this.

00:41:41.000 When Sinatra was a celebrity, when he became famous, it was like the 30s, right?

00:41:47.000 Right.

00:41:48.000 Okay.

00:41:48.000 Yeah, before the war.

00:41:49.000 So the 30s and the 40s.

00:41:50.000 How long had celebrity even been around?

00:41:54.000 Right.

00:41:54.000 Brand new.

00:41:55.000 For movies and film?

00:41:57.000 And singing?

00:41:58.000 Like, you know, you had opera stars, but...

00:42:00.000 Yeah.

00:42:01.000 Yeah.

00:42:02.000 Not like that.

00:42:02.000 How long?

00:42:04.000 10 years?

00:42:05.000 She was 21 and he was 50 when they were married, and she lost her virginity to him.

00:42:10.000 That's right, she did.

00:42:12.000 Whoa.

00:42:13.000 So he made that baby when he was in his 50s.

00:42:16.000 What an animal.

00:42:17.000 That's older than us, dude.

00:42:19.000 We still got hope.

00:42:20.000 Still got hope.

00:42:21.000 The kid doesn't even seem autistic.

00:42:23.000 You know why? 1.00

00:42:24.000 Back then they didn't have the fucking vaccines, man. 1.00

00:42:28.000 You either died or you lived, but you didn't get autistic. 1.00

00:42:31.000 I'm joking, folks.

00:42:32.000 Don't get mad at me.

00:42:33.000 Joe Rogan's an anti-vaxxer.

00:42:34.000 Why don't you go hang out with Jenny McCarthy? 0.99

00:42:36.000 They would just wait.

00:42:37.000 They just wait for anything they can... 1.00

00:42:39.000 Like someone was fucking saying, he's a Trump supporter. 1.00

00:42:42.000 He's a Trump supporter. 0.99

00:42:43.000 Someone was saying I'm a Trump supporter the other day.

00:42:45.000 Oh, really?

00:42:45.000 Yeah, and then some internet thing, there was like a little Twitter argument going back and forth between two people.

00:42:51.000 I'm like, I'm not a fucking Trump... 0.98

00:42:52.000 You can't just say I'm a Trump supporter. 0.99

00:42:54.000 I mock the guy all the time.

00:42:55.000 Why are you saying I'm a Trump supporter?

00:42:57.000 Yeah, they're just waiting.

00:42:59.000 Well, they can define you.

00:43:00.000 Yeah, they want to.

00:43:01.000 Yeah, like you're a truther?

00:43:03.000 Right.

00:43:03.000 You're an anti-vaxxer?

00:43:05.000 Oh, great.

00:43:07.000 I was on...

00:43:08.000 Did I tell you this?

00:43:08.000 I was on...

00:43:10.000 I feel like I might have told you, but I'll tell you again, because we can't remember anything anyway.

00:43:13.000 I was back in New York, and I went on Opie and Jim in the morning, and I was talking about...

00:43:20.000 Jim was talking about Trump, and it was the beginning of Trump, and I was saying, I've met the guy.

00:43:26.000 I don't feel like there's a little something sleazy about the guy.

00:43:29.000 There's something there that's...

00:43:31.000 You know, you should hold different standards for this office.

00:43:34.000 I don't say where.

00:43:36.000 I'm not saying I'm on Hillary's side or anything.

00:43:38.000 I'm independent.

00:43:40.000 But I'm talking about the Trump thing.

00:43:41.000 The Twitter feed goes crazy. 1.00

00:43:44.000 Hillary lover, you know, scumbag, liberal, blah, blah, blah. 1.00

00:43:49.000 I go on Larry Wilmore that night. 0.99

00:43:51.000 And on his show, The Nightly Show, and there's a story about some girl who yells at her boss on Twitter, because she worked for Yelp, I think, and he wasn't paying her enough.

00:44:05.000 She was complaining about... 1.00

00:44:07.000 Being poor in her 20s and screw the man and he should pay me more and all this kind of stuff.

00:44:11.000 And there was more to it.

00:44:13.000 But I came down on the side of, we're all poor in our 20s.

00:44:15.000 You just got to suck it up.

00:44:17.000 I was making $5 a night doing stand-up.

00:44:20.000 Just eat your noodles and get working and buck up. 1.00

00:44:23.000 The Twitter feed after that, Trump supporter, lover right wing, white entitled asshole. 1.00

00:44:30.000 White entitled asshole. 1.00

00:44:31.000 As if the melanin in your skin has anything to do with your ideas about how the world works. 1.00

00:44:37.000 Oh, but you're free to say it now.

00:44:38.000 Yeah, white privilege. 0.53

00:44:39.000 White privilege! 0.65

00:44:41.000 But just that, in one day, people were coming...

00:44:45.000 Yeah, on both sides.

00:44:45.000 ...trying to categorize me on both sides of it.

00:44:48.000 Did you feel like you were in the middle?

00:44:49.000 Like, officially?

00:44:50.000 I felt pretty great.

00:44:52.000 I mean...

00:44:55.000 I felt pretty good.

00:44:56.000 When you get back to that Woody Allen thing for a second, there's a big fuss about him now because people are sort of like defending him because he does these movies and the movies are critically acclaimed and people look at them as like vehicles for awards and vehicles for a career jump and so people work with him.

00:45:15.000 Yeah.

00:45:16.000 And at the very least, at the very least, he married his daughter.

00:45:21.000 Yes.

00:45:22.000 See, there's a picture to me that defines him.

00:45:25.000 And this is why we can't be friends.

00:45:27.000 You and Woody?

00:45:28.000 He and I. You and I are friends.

00:45:29.000 I just didn't want you to feel bad. 1.00

00:45:31.000 Like, what the fuck, dude? 0.99

00:45:32.000 Let me be the judge of that. 0.99

00:45:33.000 Let me see what you say about Woody first.

00:45:35.000 There's a picture of him with Soon-Yi, is that her name?

00:45:39.000 On his lap at a basketball game.

00:45:41.000 There it is, right there.

00:45:43.000 When she was a little girl.

00:45:45.000 And then there's another picture of the two of them together...

00:45:49.000 When she's grown up and they're holding hands and they're at a basketball game as well.

00:45:53.000 Wow. 1.00

00:45:54.000 See, as a guy who grew up with a stepdaughter, that's fuck beyond belief. 0.99

00:46:02.000 Because my stepdaughter, I don't call her my stepdaughter, she's my daughter. 0.99

00:46:06.000 She calls me daddy.

00:46:07.000 Yeah.

00:46:07.000 She's my daughter.

00:46:08.000 How old was she when you were in the scene?

00:46:10.000 Well, she was little.

00:46:13.000 Right.

00:46:13.000 So specifically, she's a woman now.

00:46:16.000 Yeah.

00:46:16.000 And specifically, she was tiny then.

00:46:18.000 So this is the same thing.

00:46:20.000 I'm looking at this.

00:46:21.000 So I'm looking at Woody with that little girl on his lap, and then I'm looking at Woody holding hands with her.

00:46:26.000 There's a weirdness to that kind of relationship.

00:46:31.000 Yeah.

00:46:32.000 That's undeniable.

00:46:33.000 How old is she in that picture? 1.00

00:46:35.000 She's like fucking six, man. 1.00

00:46:36.000 That's a tiny little girl sitting on his lap. 1.00

00:46:38.000 Oh my god, that's weird.

00:46:40.000 See, that is...

00:46:41.000 I've never seen that.

00:46:42.000 That is where...

00:46:43.000 And there's something also that's creepy about his face in that picture. 0.99

00:46:46.000 And maybe it's because we know that he eventually wound up fucking her. 0.97

00:46:49.000 It's also weird that you don't see his hands. 1.00

00:46:52.000 They're deep in her ass, I heard. 1.00

00:46:54.000 That's what I heard. 1.00

00:46:55.000 No, that picture, though, that face is like, daddy's got candy for you.

00:47:00.000 You know, there's some creepiness to his face, obviously.

00:47:03.000 It's a still picture.

00:47:05.000 He might have been about to sneeze.

00:47:07.000 Sure. 1.00

00:47:08.000 And we're like, oh, look at him, the creepy face fuck. 1.00

00:47:11.000 You know, like, taking photos of someone like that is also very rude. 1.00

00:47:15.000 Did you ever hear Emo's joke?

00:47:17.000 Emo Phillips' joke about that?

00:47:19.000 No.

00:47:20.000 It's one of the best jokes I've heard by Emo Phillips.

00:47:23.000 I like how you just qualified that.

00:47:25.000 By Emo Phillips.

00:47:27.000 Well, there's a lot of jokes out there.

00:47:28.000 He's so funny.

00:47:30.000 But his joke is, Woody Allen adopted Soon Yee when she was four years old.

00:47:40.000 Married her when she was 16. Patience of a saint.

00:47:48.000 Did he marry her when she was 16?

00:47:50.000 I don't know.

00:47:51.000 That can't be right, is it?

00:47:53.000 I don't think legally you can.

00:47:54.000 Oh boy.

00:47:55.000 Maybe 18. Maybe they started dating when she was 16. It's illegal, right?

00:47:59.000 It's not legal until...

00:48:00.000 That picture, that does kind of...

00:48:02.000 I've never seen that picture before.

00:48:04.000 That's not a kinda.

00:48:06.000 Obviously my...

00:48:07.000 My life, you know, the way I look at it, it's like I'm not looking at someone who doesn't have children, nor are you.

00:48:14.000 When you have children, you know what it's like to raise little tiny people and then have them be grown up. 0.97

00:48:19.000 And then the idea of like, say, if you and your wife got divorced when you were younger and your four-year-old went to live with another guy and he lived with her until she was 18, then he wound up marrying her and fucking her and having kids with her. 0.99

00:48:32.000 See what I'm saying? 0.98

00:48:33.000 Yeah, but you see what I'm saying?

00:48:34.000 That is exactly what we're talking about.

00:48:37.000 Okay, so...

00:48:37.000 That's an intense flaw.

00:48:40.000 Huge.

00:48:41.000 That being said, two questions.

00:48:45.000 Will you watch his movies?

00:48:46.000 I've watched his movies.

00:48:47.000 Yeah.

00:48:48.000 It's a stink in the air, though.

00:48:50.000 If he calls you and wants you to be in his next film, you don't work with him.

00:48:54.000 No.

00:48:55.000 You do not go near that. 1.00

00:48:56.000 No fucking way. 0.99

00:48:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:48:57.000 No fucking way. 1.00

00:48:58.000 Not like he's calling me or anything. 0.99

00:48:59.000 Did you grow up thinking Woody Allen was like a comedy god?

00:49:03.000 No.

00:49:04.000 I grew up thinking he was very funny.

00:49:06.000 His movies were really funny.

00:49:08.000 I enjoyed a lot of his movies.

00:49:09.000 But he wasn't like one of your guys.

00:49:11.000 Sleeper, Annie Hall.

00:49:12.000 No, he had a lot of great films.

00:49:15.000 Amazing films.

00:49:16.000 Crimes and Misdemeanors.

00:49:17.000 Hannah and Her Sisters.

00:49:19.000 And even the most recent stuff.

00:49:20.000 The Dice Clay movie.

00:49:22.000 What was that?

00:49:22.000 Jasmine Blue.

00:49:23.000 Yeah.

00:49:24.000 That was great.

00:49:25.000 Barcelona.

00:49:26.000 Yeah, that was great too.

00:49:28.000 And what was the Midnight in Paris?

00:49:30.000 That was really good too.

00:49:30.000 Amazing.

00:49:31.000 Yeah, where Owen Wilson actually plays Woody Allen.

00:49:33.000 Yeah.

00:49:34.000 I mean, he was doing like a Woody Allen impression.

00:49:36.000 He's the Woody Allen guy.

00:49:37.000 Yeah, it was interesting.

00:49:38.000 And that's where Adrian Brody was great.

00:49:40.000 He was playing Salvador Dali.

00:49:41.000 I am Dali.

00:49:42.000 I am Dali.

00:49:43.000 Yeah.

00:49:44.000 He's, look, he's obviously really good at making movies, but, you know, we played some of his stand-up on the podcast before, and from, like, the 60s, the early 60s, and he was always a pervert in the early stand-up.

00:50:00.000 It was, like, really pervy.

00:50:01.000 Yes!

00:50:03.000 Well, look at Sleeper.

00:50:04.000 There's a giant tit chasing him across the park in Central Park.

00:50:08.000 Yeah.

00:50:08.000 This giant lactating tit, 50 feet tall.

00:50:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:12.000 This guy was a perv. 1.00

00:50:13.000 He was a weird fucking guy. 1.00

00:50:15.000 I know. 1.00

00:50:15.000 No ifs, ands, or buts about it. 1.00

00:50:18.000 He was a weird fucking guy. 1.00

00:50:19.000 And he is a weird fucking guy. 1.00

00:50:21.000 Yes. 0.99

00:50:22.000 And I guess what he's done is not a crime.

00:50:25.000 Because if you look at the actual law, he didn't do anything wrong.

00:50:31.000 It's not his biological daughter.

00:50:33.000 No.

00:50:34.000 You mean with Sun Yee?

00:50:35.000 Yeah.

00:50:36.000 So I guess he can kind of do that. 0.99

00:50:37.000 But then there's a thing that his biological daughter says that he did weird shit to her. 0.99

00:50:42.000 The problem with that is that he says that his daughter was coached by the mom and there's just no way to know. 0.99

00:50:49.000 I mean, it would be horrible if you accused him of sexually molesting his daughter and was really just a manipulation by the mother.

00:50:57.000 And that is entirely possible.

00:50:59.000 You don't know.

00:51:00.000 And there's this idea that you're never supposed to judge someone who's making an accusation.

00:51:05.000 You're never supposed to question them.

00:51:06.000 They are the victim.

00:51:08.000 But I don't buy that.

00:51:09.000 I think that's nonsense.

00:51:10.000 There's an incredibly large amount of fake rape cases, fake molestation cases. 0.95

00:51:15.000 These people lie about everything. 1.00

00:51:17.000 They lie about money, they lie about sex, they lie about getting fucked by Frank Sinatra while they're married. 1.00

00:51:23.000 Right, exactly. 1.00

00:51:25.000 Until he turns out to be old blue eyes.

00:51:27.000 You're just that alone, just looking at that. 1.00

00:51:29.000 You're like, listen, bitch, you got a problem with the truth. 1.00

00:51:31.000 Right, exactly. 1.00

00:51:32.000 Yeah, that's the other side of it, right?

00:51:34.000 She's not clean either. 1.00

00:51:35.000 Yeah, she was taking that crooner dick while she was living with Woody. 1.00

00:51:38.000 You know, she'd sneak off for a coffee. 1.00

00:51:40.000 I'm just going to go out and get a coffee. 1.00

00:51:43.000 This fucking toupee falls off. 1.00

00:51:45.000 Welcome to the Copa. 1.00

00:51:47.000 Welcome to the club.

00:51:49.000 I gave you a kid.

00:51:51.000 All of a sudden he became dice.

00:51:52.000 Oh! 0.60

00:51:53.000 What a world!

00:51:54.000 I'm in love!

00:51:57.000 No, it's very tricky.

00:51:58.000 I mean, look, if your wife had any hint that something was going on with you, she would have gone crazy and just, like, you know, just, please.

00:52:08.000 It's very complicated.

00:52:09.000 Well, he obviously did eventually leave her for the Sunni. 0.95

00:52:15.000 What are we, like, gossipers?

00:52:17.000 I just think...

00:52:18.000 No, but it is kind of an interesting thing because, I mean, if you were to...

00:52:22.000 What you said of, like, that it represents other people that do this is kind of the swing thing.

00:52:28.000 Because everybody...

00:52:30.000 If you didn't work with people because of their private life...

00:52:34.000 And things you didn't agree with, you would never work with anybody.

00:52:36.000 Because people are a mess.

00:52:38.000 You'd have to sit down with them and go over their private life.

00:52:40.000 Okay, have you ever lied to a cop?

00:52:43.000 Right.

00:52:43.000 You know, have you ever lied about speeding?

00:52:45.000 Have you ever not paid your taxes?

00:52:47.000 Now let's get into your sex life.

00:52:49.000 Please. 0.99

00:52:50.000 Do you ever think about other people when you cum? 0.74

00:52:51.000 Right. 0.75

00:52:52.000 What?

00:52:53.000 What are you saying?

00:52:57.000 Okay, this meeting is over.

00:52:58.000 I had a buddy of mine that actually got in an argument like that with his girlfriend.

00:53:02.000 She was like, my friend says that guys fantasize about other women while they're having sex with their girlfriend.

00:53:06.000 Is that true?

00:53:07.000 And he was like, well, sometimes. 1.00

00:53:08.000 She's like, you fucking piece of shit! 1.00

00:53:10.000 She got really mad at him. 1.00

00:53:12.000 And I remember thinking about it, like, why do you care?

00:53:15.000 I guess... 0.98

00:53:16.000 If your wife was just thinking about just getting stuffed by some big ass country football player. 1.00

00:53:22.000 Some big dude with like chewing tobacco in his mouth and a fucking rebel flag hat on. 1.00

00:53:27.000 He's just laying pipe on her. 1.00

00:53:28.000 And that's what she's thinking about when you fuck her. 1.00

00:53:30.000 She's thinking about some corn Fred. 1.00

00:53:33.000 Yee-haw! 1.00

00:53:34.000 You know, imagine, right? 1.00

00:53:36.000 You'd be like, oh, fuck, man. 1.00

00:53:38.000 But that's why you don't ask the question. 1.00

00:53:41.000 That's why you don't ask.

00:53:42.000 That probably is happening, but you don't ask.

00:53:45.000 If you really love your wife, you want to know everything about her.

00:53:48.000 No.

00:53:51.000 You want to know everything.

00:53:53.000 You want to know when she's disappointed. 0.99

00:53:55.000 I love you, honey, but I hate that face you make when you cum. 1.00

00:53:58.000 You make me disgusted. 1.00

00:54:00.000 That's why I won't fuck you. 1.00

00:54:01.000 You just walk into the kitchen in the morning, honey, what are you thinking? 1.00

00:54:04.000 So next time you fuck her, just wear a luchador mask. 1.00

00:54:07.000 Or even better yet, like a Godzilla. 1.00

00:54:10.000 Big rubber Godzilla head.

00:54:17.000 Fantasies are weird, man, because, like, I remember when I was in high school, there was a guy who was writing for the Newton South High School paper who wrote this cool thing about the Boy Scouts.

00:54:28.000 And I remember reading this, because I was in the Boy Scouts briefly as a young teenager, and they had, you know, the tenants, like, trustworthy, loyal, thrifty, clean, reverent.

00:54:39.000 And, like, one of the things about...

00:54:41.000 What the Boy Scouts were supposed to do is keep your mind pure.

00:54:45.000 Right.

00:54:46.000 Keep your thoughts pure.

00:54:47.000 And this guy was like, who wrote this article, obviously this is in high school in the 1980s.

00:54:52.000 Yeah.

00:54:52.000 The guy was pretty brilliant.

00:54:54.000 And he was like, I don't like the idea of anyone telling me what I can and can't do with my thoughts, because sometimes my thoughts are fun.

00:55:01.000 I like to explore the idea of thinking about, and his argument in this newspaper, and I'm like grossly paraphrasing him, because again, this is like from 1982 or something like that.

00:55:12.000 He was like, you don't need to know what's going on in my thoughts, you just need to know how I act.

00:55:18.000 That's it.

00:55:19.000 How I act is important, not what I think.

00:55:21.000 So telling me to keep my thoughts pure is like, my thoughts are mine.

00:55:24.000 Right.

00:55:25.000 They're mine.

00:55:25.000 I do what I want with them.

00:55:26.000 That's right. 1.00

00:55:27.000 So if your girlfriend is just thinking about that big country fucker with like a piece of wheat coming out of the corner of his mouth, yee-haw! 1.00

00:55:35.000 Nazi tattoo on the back of his neck. 1.00

00:55:36.000 Just laying. 1.00

00:55:37.000 Dick. 0.98

00:55:38.000 God bless her. 1.00

00:55:39.000 Fat dick, too. 0.99

00:55:40.000 God bless her. 1.00

00:55:40.000 Whatever she's into. 1.00

00:55:42.000 Like a sailor's forearm.

00:55:43.000 I am not asking.

00:55:45.000 Yeah.

00:55:45.000 I mean, don't you have moments, like, in your relationship where, you know, you're with each other for your life.

00:55:49.000 This is a long-time thing.

00:55:51.000 I feel like we should be playing piano music right now.

00:55:53.000 There's times when you're all of a sudden...

00:55:54.000 No, no, no, no.

00:55:55.000 There's times to do it.

00:55:57.000 Jamie went to get some Incredible Hulk walkaway music.

00:56:00.000 Give me...

00:56:03.000 And there's times when you're into her, and there's times when all of a sudden you come back.

00:56:10.000 Are you about to say there's times when she's not into you?

00:56:12.000 Yes.

00:56:13.000 Unacceptable.

00:56:14.000 Walk.

00:56:15.000 Be a man. 1.00

00:56:16.000 Suck it up. 1.00

00:56:17.000 Cowboy boots. 1.00

00:56:18.000 Naked.

00:56:19.000 She's not that psyched with me right now. 0.99

00:56:21.000 Suitcase in each hand with a boner. 1.00

00:56:23.000 You chew two Viagra, you get your dick hard as a rock. 1.00

00:56:28.000 Look, I'm not saying you don't do those things. 1.00

00:56:31.000 What I'm saying is you don't ask her why.

00:56:34.000 You don't ask what.

00:56:34.000 What is it?

00:56:35.000 You don't want to know these things.

00:56:37.000 I don't want to know why she's unhappy.

00:56:40.000 I want to know.

00:56:43.000 I just want her to keep her thoughts to herself.

00:56:46.000 If she's banging some big redneck in a truck stop, I don't want to know. 1.00

00:56:50.000 You don't want to know if she's actually banging or thinking about banging? 0.94

00:56:53.000 I don't want to know anything.

00:56:54.000 You don't want anything?

00:56:55.000 No.

00:56:56.000 What a good husband you are.

00:56:57.000 I want her to just be a good mom, a good wife. 1.00

00:57:03.000 And eat my bread.

00:57:06.000 And how about she cook something once in a while?

00:57:08.000 Why am I baking bread like I'm an old lady?

00:57:12.000 Why am I running around with flour on my shirt?

00:57:15.000 And she's sitting on the couch.

00:57:17.000 Do you wear an apron?

00:57:18.000 No.

00:57:19.000 I have thought about it, but I feel like it's going over the...

00:57:22.000 Yeah.

00:57:22.000 What would you keep in the pocket?

00:57:23.000 I always wonder.

00:57:24.000 One hit.

00:57:25.000 Like that front pocket?

00:57:27.000 Why does that even come up? 0.98

00:57:28.000 Who throws shit in that front pocket? 1.00

00:57:30.000 I think it's useless. 1.00

00:57:31.000 A one hit and a razor blade. 0.99

00:57:33.000 A one hitter and a razor blade. 0.97

00:57:35.000 I never see anybody using that front pocket on the apron.

00:57:38.000 Yeah.

00:57:39.000 Never comes up.

00:57:40.000 No.

00:57:40.000 Yeah, what's in there?

00:57:41.000 Nothing.

00:57:42.000 You're lighter.

00:57:43.000 Because cooks always go out and smoke a little. 0.89

00:57:45.000 Yeah, they do smoke.

00:57:46.000 Which is interesting because cigarettes dull your taste buds.

00:57:49.000 They don't care.

00:57:50.000 Food.

00:57:50.000 This is food.

00:57:51.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:57:51.000 Ugh, God. 1.00

00:57:52.000 I'm not eating this shit. 1.00

00:57:57.000 But I always thought that was weird about chefs because the whole idea about preparing food is making something that's delicious. 0.99

00:58:04.000 It's an art form, right?

00:58:05.000 Yeah.

00:58:05.000 But you're dulling.

00:58:07.000 It's like fucking with a condom. 1.00

00:58:08.000 It's like, I'm really into sex, but I love condoms. 1.00

00:58:10.000 I don't know what to do.

00:58:12.000 I don't know.

00:58:12.000 I never smoked.

00:58:13.000 How much does it deaden your...

00:58:14.000 Does it really deaden it?

00:58:15.000 I never smoked either, but allegedly it does.

00:58:17.000 Yeah.

00:58:17.000 The people that I've talked to that quit smoking say that was one of the most remarkable things about it.

00:58:22.000 Is that right after you quit smoking, you get your taste buds back.

00:58:25.000 Yeah.

00:58:26.000 Mmm.

00:58:26.000 But you don't look as cool.

00:58:28.000 Hmm.

00:58:29.000 What is that about? 1.00

00:58:30.000 What's about something so stupid where you're sucking on some burning leaves? 1.00

00:58:35.000 It's a prop. 1.00

00:58:36.000 A good prop, though.

00:58:37.000 Like, people that vape do not look cool.

00:58:40.000 They look like they've got a pacifier. 1.00

00:58:42.000 They look like they're sucking on a robot's dick. 1.00

00:58:45.000 You know? 1.00

00:58:46.000 Well, they have that box.

00:58:48.000 Those box ones.

00:58:49.000 Like, how much batteries do you need?

00:58:51.000 How much are you vaping? 1.00

00:58:53.000 You have a fucking battery that could charge a car. 1.00

00:58:55.000 And it glows like Rudolph. 1.00

00:58:57.000 And then they blow these smoke clouds out. 0.99

00:59:00.000 Like, fucking Christ, what is this? 0.99

00:59:02.000 There's so much that comes out. 1.00

00:59:03.000 And they get into it.

00:59:05.000 They get into the big, giant clouds.

00:59:06.000 Yeah, they do.

00:59:07.000 Some guy sent me one.

00:59:10.000 And he sent me one that I could literally kill someone with. 0.99

00:59:13.000 I could beat someone to death with it. 0.98

00:59:14.000 It's a big, thick, heavy copper one. 1.00

00:59:17.000 Do we still have that stupid thing laying around, Jamie? 1.00

00:59:18.000 For tobacco or for weed? 1.00

00:59:19.000 It's for tobacco.

00:59:21.000 But you could use it for weed.

00:59:22.000 You could definitely use weed if you had weed oil.

00:59:25.000 But it was a weird thing where you had to drip the oil into this thing.

00:59:32.000 We don't need to see it, Jamie.

00:59:34.000 It's okay.

00:59:34.000 Thank you, though.

00:59:36.000 But it was fucking heavy. 0.97

00:59:38.000 It probably weighed a pound, right? 0.99

00:59:40.000 At least a pound.

00:59:41.000 For home use, or you're not taking that to the bar? 0.98

00:59:44.000 I think you're supposed to just fucking carry it around in a sling. 0.98

00:59:46.000 It looked like brass knuckles. 0.99

00:59:48.000 Yeah.

00:59:48.000 Oh, really?

00:59:49.000 It was huge.

00:59:50.000 Did it have a case? 0.99

00:59:50.000 It was fucking huge. 0.99

00:59:51.000 No, it didn't have a case. 0.98

00:59:53.000 It should have a Wheeler case so you could take it through the airport.

00:59:55.000 That's not cool.

00:59:56.000 But a cigarette?

00:59:56.000 To sit there with just a cigarette in your hand?

00:59:59.000 It's the coolest.

00:59:59.000 Like Sonatra, baby.

01:00:00.000 Yeah, that's right, baby.

01:00:03.000 Send in Mia. 1.00

01:00:05.000 You tell Mia. 0.96

01:00:08.000 I don't want to talk into that Jew. 1.00

01:00:11.000 The chairman of the board has spoken.

01:00:14.000 It's the coolest.

01:00:15.000 It's a cool prop.

01:00:16.000 You can do stuff with it.

01:00:17.000 You can make a point.

01:00:20.000 Yeah, apparently it's a really good cognitive enhancer, too.

01:00:24.000 Oh, yeah?

01:00:24.000 Yeah, nicotine is apparently as effective as a nootropic, as a cognitive enhancer.

01:00:33.000 Like vitamins, like paracetam and all these different vitamins, choline, that have been shown to have effects on memory and cognitive function.

01:00:40.000 Oh, yeah?

01:00:40.000 Nicotine apparently has a positive effect on cognitive function.

01:00:43.000 I know a lot of guys who smoke e-cigarettes before they go on stage.

01:00:47.000 Really?

01:00:47.000 Just to get a little buzz, a little go.

01:00:50.000 Coffee do the same thing?

01:00:52.000 I don't know.

01:00:53.000 I don't think coffee actually has cognitive enhancing performance benefits that have been proven.

01:01:01.000 It just makes you busy.

01:01:02.000 It makes you happier.

01:01:03.000 I know it increases euphoria, and I think it lights you up.

01:01:07.000 It stimulates you.

01:01:09.000 So there's probably some benefit in that, just being more awake.

01:01:13.000 But I think if you are awake, though, I don't know if it really benefits you.

01:01:18.000 There's times when I'm writing, and if I'm writing in the afternoon, and I'll have an espresso, and I come back, and all of a sudden I'll catch myself 15 minutes later just humming along and doing stuff.

01:01:30.000 You just get busy.

01:01:31.000 You just get like, all right, we're going.

01:01:33.000 Yeah.

01:01:34.000 Without being aware that it was really the caffeine.

01:01:36.000 Yeah.

01:01:37.000 Do you take the, what is it, neurotropic?

01:01:39.000 Nootropics.

01:01:40.000 Nootropics.

01:01:40.000 Yeah, I take them.

01:01:41.000 You do?

01:01:42.000 Yeah, I'm a big fan.

01:01:43.000 I want to take more stuff.

01:01:46.000 I really do.

01:01:47.000 I'm so into, like, I kept for a long time, I was like, I'm not taking anything.

01:01:52.000 And now I'm at a point where it's like, we live in the 21st century, it's time to start taking some stuff.

01:01:59.000 Like what kind of stuff?

01:02:00.000 I take vitamin D now.

01:02:02.000 That's good.

01:02:02.000 D3? D3. Yeah, very good.

01:02:05.000 Very important.

01:02:05.000 That's good, right?

01:02:06.000 Yeah.

01:02:06.000 Well, the only way you get it is through the sun or through certain foods.

01:02:09.000 Uh-huh.

01:02:10.000 It's particularly important for vegans.

01:02:12.000 Right.

01:02:13.000 B12 and D3 are two of the most common things.

01:02:16.000 B12, too?

01:02:17.000 Yeah, because it comes from animals.

01:02:20.000 We get it primarily, B12 especially, we get it primarily from animal protein, and they apparently get it from bacteria.

01:02:27.000 And the only way vegans can get it...

01:02:29.000 It's in certain forms of bacteria, microorganisms.

01:02:32.000 You have to eat living things to get it.

01:02:34.000 Alright, so B12 I should add also?

01:02:36.000 B12 is huge.

01:02:37.000 B12 is big.

01:02:39.000 D3 is big.

01:02:40.000 I take D3. DHEA, or not DHEA, DHA, fish oil.

01:02:45.000 Oh really?

01:02:46.000 Fish oil?

01:02:46.000 Yeah, omega-3s and 6s.

01:02:48.000 Super, super important for brain function.

01:02:50.000 Omega what?

01:02:51.000 Omega-3s and 6s.

01:02:52.000 Do you take that as a supplement though?

01:02:54.000 Yes, I do.

01:02:54.000 You can get some of it from flax oil and from hemp oil, but it's not as effective as fish oil.

01:03:00.000 I mean, this is taking out ideology and, you know, eating plants versus eating animals.

01:03:06.000 Scientists uniformly believe that fish oil is the better method for absorbing those things.

01:03:12.000 But then you go online and you look up fish oil and there's just as much, as many articles that fish oil does nothing.

01:03:20.000 Well, omega-3s and 6s are critical.

01:03:23.000 Right.

01:03:23.000 That's what fish oil is.

01:03:25.000 Oh, so you get that from the fish oil.

01:03:26.000 Yeah, there's no doubt about that.

01:03:28.000 So someone's saying that fish oil does nothing.

01:03:30.000 That's nonsense.

01:03:31.000 It's nonsense.

01:03:31.000 Yeah, I mean, what does it do?

01:03:33.000 I mean, here's the number one big deal.

01:03:35.000 People think that they like to take things and then feel an immediate result.

01:03:39.000 Right.

01:03:39.000 And what you're doing when you're taking vitamins and supplements and eating healthy food is you're building your body with these materials.

01:03:49.000 Like, if you eat cake and ho-hos, and that's all you eat, that's what your body uses to regenerate cells, that's what your body uses to grow. 0.84

01:03:58.000 I mean, all your tissue is eventually going to be made out of everything you eat.

01:04:02.000 Of birthday cake.

01:04:03.000 Yeah, birthday cake.

01:04:04.000 And sourdough bread.

01:04:07.000 So what we are today is your body's consumption of all the different foods and nutrients that you've taken in, and this is what it's built with it.

01:04:15.000 And it can only make a good body off of good ingredients.

01:04:21.000 It's really that simple.

01:04:22.000 If you're not getting any vitamins, your body starts pulling them out of your bones and you're, I mean, pulling calcium out of your bones.

01:04:28.000 Right.

01:04:28.000 But your body freaks the fuck out when you don't have enough stuff.

01:04:31.000 And that's where a lot of diseases, inflammation, a lot of problems come from just not having the proper building blocks.

01:04:36.000 Right.

01:04:37.000 So, when you eat healthy, We're good to go.

01:05:02.000 Initially, it didn't feel good.

01:05:04.000 It didn't?

01:05:05.000 No.

01:05:05.000 The lack of sugar did not feel good.

01:05:08.000 There was like headaches the first few days.

01:05:10.000 I'm addicted to sugar.

01:05:12.000 I didn't even know.

01:05:13.000 All forms of sugar?

01:05:14.000 Like even just bread?

01:05:17.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:05:18.000 Bread, even alcohol, fruits.

01:05:22.000 You have to be careful even how much fruit you eat.

01:05:25.000 Really?

01:05:26.000 Yeah.

01:05:27.000 Someone had a glass of orange juice.

01:05:29.000 And they were talking about it. 0.99

01:05:30.000 They were like, think about how many fucking oranges go into the glass of orange juice. 0.99

01:05:34.000 It's probably like seven oranges. 1.00

01:05:35.000 Who the fuck sits down and eats seven oranges? 0.99

01:05:38.000 And we were laughing, and I was like, yeah, but not even with fiber. 1.00

01:05:41.000 You take the fiber out, so your body's like, what is all this goddamn sugar? 0.95

01:05:46.000 But we have it in our head that sugar from fruit juice is healthy, but sugar from Coca-Cola is not. 0.97

01:05:53.000 But apparently your body doesn't know the difference.

01:05:55.000 But if you eat an apple, does the fiber offset how much sugar?

01:05:59.000 It does have an impact.

01:06:01.000 It does.

01:06:02.000 In a positive way.

01:06:03.000 Well, yeah.

01:06:04.000 That's how your body's supposed to get sugar. 1.00

01:06:06.000 Right.

01:06:06.000 It's supposed to be attached almost like as an incentive to eat things that are healthy for you.

01:06:11.000 Right.

01:06:12.000 So the vitamins and the fiber are all intertwined with this delicious flavor that makes you attracted to it.

01:06:18.000 And therefore, like you eat an orange, it is in fact good for you.

01:06:21.000 Right.

01:06:21.000 So it's healthy.

01:06:22.000 But you shouldn't eat...

01:06:23.000 Go crazy with it.

01:06:24.000 Yeah, you just shouldn't have 20 ounces of orange juice just squeezed out.

01:06:29.000 Right.

01:06:30.000 And especially when we have that concentrate stuff, where it's not even really orange juice anymore.

01:06:34.000 It's like this weird frozen thing.

01:06:36.000 Yeah, but with your kids in the morning, do you feel like you should give them some orange juice if they're feeling kind of...

01:06:43.000 Oh, like vitamin C-wise?

01:06:44.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:06:45.000 Well, vitamin C is definitely good for your body.

01:06:47.000 It's a good antioxidant.

01:06:48.000 When you see them run down and you just like...

01:06:51.000 Look, it's not the worst thing in the world to have a little orange juice.

01:06:55.000 Right.

01:06:55.000 What I'm saying is, like, a big-ass glass of orange juice is a jolt of sugar to your sister.

01:07:00.000 At four in the afternoon.

01:07:01.000 Yeah, I prefer...

01:07:02.000 I don't drink fruit juices anymore.

01:07:05.000 Yeah, I don't either.

01:07:06.000 But I still eat fruit.

01:07:07.000 I do, too.

01:07:08.000 But I just think that juicing is very problematic in that way, that you could just figure out a way to condense...

01:07:15.000 All the sugar from all these different fruits into one thing that you jolt into your body in just a few seconds.

01:07:21.000 You chug a glass of orange juice.

01:07:23.000 I mean, that's an instant tidal wave of sugar.

01:07:28.000 I take glucosamine.

01:07:30.000 That's good.

01:07:31.000 And chondroitin?

01:07:32.000 Do you take those two together?

01:07:32.000 No, just glucosamine.

01:07:34.000 Those are both really good.

01:07:35.000 Glucosamine's good.

01:07:36.000 Glucosamine was actually, I think, I might be wrong about this.

01:07:40.000 This came from this book by this guy, Dr. Joel Wallach, who wrote this book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie.

01:07:47.000 And he was talking about mineral deficiencies and how few doctors really do understand nutrition.

01:07:55.000 Right.

01:08:20.000 I think?

01:08:23.000 I think?

01:08:38.000 But there's so many.

01:08:40.000 Yeah.

01:08:40.000 One multivitamin is problematic, too, because you're taking something that's condensed down to one hard little cube.

01:08:46.000 Oh, yeah.

01:08:46.000 And you're dropping that, and you're hoping your body digests it in time and absorbs it.

01:08:50.000 I find that powdered ones in capsule form, at least I think, absorb better in the body.

01:08:56.000 And I take a pack.

01:08:57.000 I take what's called a pure, athlete's pure pack.

01:09:00.000 I'm writing it down.

01:09:01.000 Pack.

01:09:02.000 Yeah, it's Pure Encapsulations is the brand that I use.

01:09:06.000 And they have these Athletes Pure Packs.

01:09:08.000 And they're great because they're like a meal's worth.

01:09:12.000 I take them with me.

01:09:14.000 I can have like two or three in my backpack.

01:09:16.000 Right.

01:09:16.000 Actually, I do.

01:09:17.000 And just pound it.

01:09:19.000 Yeah.

01:09:21.000 Do you take this stuff too, or is it rubbed off on you?

01:09:25.000 Yeah, the amount of time I've been hanging out with them is starting too, and I need to take advantage of it.

01:09:30.000 But yeah, I just started taking some stuff.

01:09:31.000 Yeah, you look good.

01:09:33.000 What's that sound?

01:09:34.000 That microphone makes that sound?

01:09:36.000 What's going on with it?

01:09:36.000 There's too much electricity over here.

01:09:38.000 You're a fucking electric man. 1.00

01:09:39.000 You're alive. 1.00

01:09:41.000 There's a lot of electricity going on here.

01:09:43.000 There is, right?

01:09:44.000 Stop and think about it. 0.98

01:09:45.000 When I think for my podcast, when I use this little recorder, there's a reason it sounds so shitty.

01:09:52.000 Just all the vape pens we have in this room alone.

01:09:56.000 I know I have one of those.

01:09:57.000 So how many things do you take in the morning?

01:09:58.000 Like 12?

01:09:59.000 No.

01:10:00.000 In the morning, especially lately...

01:10:03.000 Yeah.

01:10:03.000 The morning I've relaxed a lot of what I do as far as like my diet.

01:10:08.000 Yeah.

01:10:08.000 Because in the morning, a lot of times I'm not hungry.

01:10:11.000 I know.

01:10:12.000 And I used to eat because I felt like I had to eat.

01:10:14.000 But then I read this thing recently, you know, they say that breakfast is your most important meal.

01:10:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:19.000 Bullshit. 1.00

01:10:20.000 That's what I've heard. 1.00

01:10:20.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

01:10:22.000 What's important is meals. 1.00

01:10:24.000 Right.

01:10:24.000 They say that breakfast is not your most important meal, that it's just a meal.

01:10:27.000 The idea of loading up so you can go on about your day, sometimes it slows you down.

01:10:33.000 Yes, and then the carb loading is what a lot of people do.

01:10:36.000 They're eating cereal, and that's just going to cause a crash. 0.99

01:10:39.000 You ramp it up with the carb loading, your body has to process all that shit, and it's like... 0.99

01:10:44.000 Put a nice cup of coffee and some sourdough toast. 0.99

01:10:47.000 That's what you do?

01:10:48.000 That's your move?

01:10:49.000 Once in a while. 1.00

01:10:50.000 And you get to know, I made this fucking toast. 0.99

01:10:52.000 This isn't mine. 1.00

01:10:53.000 This is my goddamn toast. 1.00

01:10:54.000 I made this for my family. 1.00

01:10:55.000 Yeah.

01:10:56.000 It's funny, when I go on the road now, that's the thing that they miss.

01:10:59.000 The toast?

01:11:00.000 The bread.

01:11:00.000 Really?

01:11:01.000 They're like, you gotta come back.

01:11:02.000 You've been gone a week.

01:11:03.000 We were out of bread.

01:11:04.000 Oh, they get upset that daddy's not in the little bread factory.

01:11:07.000 It's cool, because they used to miss me for being a person, and then that passed, and now they want me for my bread.

01:11:15.000 When you go on the road, do you do just weekends or do you ever do a tour?

01:11:18.000 I do weekends.

01:11:20.000 Me too.

01:11:20.000 Sometimes it'll be, I'll tag it with, like if I go back east, I'll tag something in New York like TV or radio and then, so I'll be gone for a week.

01:11:28.000 But I never go like city to city.

01:11:31.000 Yeah, I don't either.

01:11:32.000 I come home.

01:11:33.000 Yeah.

01:11:34.000 I don't.

01:11:35.000 Like, my friend, you know Duncan, Duncan Trussell?

01:11:37.000 Yeah.

01:11:37.000 Duncan's on a 30-day tour now.

01:11:39.000 Really?

01:11:40.000 He's got a bus and everything. 1.00

01:11:41.000 He's a maniac. 0.96

01:11:42.000 He's traveling around the country. 0.98

01:11:43.000 Do you have a family?

01:11:44.000 Nope.

01:11:45.000 Yeah.

01:11:45.000 He's got a dog.

01:11:46.000 It's a different thing.

01:11:46.000 I think he brings it.

01:11:47.000 That's a different thing.

01:11:48.000 It says his dog helps him.

01:11:50.000 He's got one of those emotional dog licenses.

01:11:53.000 I call those the fake service dogs.

01:11:54.000 Yeah, you know those things?

01:11:55.000 Yeah.

01:11:56.000 What is it called?

01:11:57.000 An emotional needs dog?

01:11:58.000 Yeah, you can have an emotional needs dog.

01:12:00.000 Yeah.

01:12:00.000 They bring them in restaurants.

01:12:01.000 It's so fucked up. 1.00

01:12:02.000 I know. 1.00

01:12:03.000 It's so fucked up. 0.99

01:12:05.000 Because they violate health codes just by saying, I need my dog with me. 1.00

01:12:09.000 I know!

01:12:11.000 I was in New York, the woman was feeding a dog a spoon at the table, like sneaking him food.

01:12:18.000 How's this okay?

01:12:20.000 It's not okay.

01:12:21.000 I was just in a hotel in San Francisco.

01:12:23.000 People had...

01:12:23.000 They were giving dog biscuits in the lobby.

01:12:26.000 And people...

01:12:27.000 You walk through the hall, there's dogs just barking their heads off.

01:12:31.000 Because dogs are allowed in hotels.

01:12:33.000 Well, I love dogs.

01:12:34.000 I do too, but you don't have to have a...

01:12:36.000 I don't even mind dogs in hotels.

01:12:39.000 But dogs in restaurants, like, come on.

01:12:41.000 You ever been next to a dog that's barking all night?

01:12:43.000 No.

01:12:44.000 Because the owners are out partying or doing whatever they're doing?

01:12:47.000 And leave the dog?

01:12:47.000 Yeah!

01:12:48.000 No.

01:12:48.000 Really?

01:12:49.000 And you're the... 0.85

01:12:50.000 They should have someone come in and euthanize it. 1.00

01:12:53.000 No.

01:12:54.000 I don't mean that.

01:12:55.000 You shouldn't have even said that!

01:12:58.000 You're right.

01:12:59.000 You're right.

01:12:59.000 Look, sometimes things come out and you don't mean them to.

01:13:01.000 Sometimes you mean them and you just pretend that you don't.

01:13:04.000 Well, I would like a...

01:13:05.000 If some dog next door is barking, I would like the key to the room so I could open it up and go, Dude, it's gonna be alright.

01:13:10.000 Relax.

01:13:11.000 There's a biscuit.

01:13:13.000 Yeah.

01:13:14.000 Here, dude.

01:13:16.000 You relax.

01:13:17.000 Ha, ha, ha.

01:13:17.000 No, I can't...

01:13:21.000 But this is why I'm embracing the 21st century.

01:13:25.000 Because I am on the road.

01:13:26.000 I'm in all these weird places.

01:13:28.000 And it started to feel like run down and stuff.

01:13:30.000 And I wasn't...

01:13:31.000 Here's another thing.

01:13:32.000 I wasn't eating meat for a long time.

01:13:35.000 And I started eating meat again.

01:13:36.000 And I feel so much stronger.

01:13:38.000 I literally would be in the green room like...

01:13:41.000 Tired.

01:13:43.000 I'm not old.

01:13:44.000 Why am I tired?

01:13:45.000 Before a show at 10 o'clock.

01:13:48.000 And I really think I just wasn't getting enough protein.

01:13:52.000 I really was just like eating salads in between.

01:13:55.000 Once I started kind of drifting back...

01:13:58.000 Drifting back.

01:13:58.000 Were you vegetarian or vegan?

01:14:00.000 Vegetarian.

01:14:01.000 Well, I would go back and forth, but mostly vegetarian.

01:14:04.000 So sometimes you were vegan.

01:14:05.000 Vegan for like a year.

01:14:06.000 For a whole year?

01:14:07.000 Yeah.

01:14:07.000 How'd that go?

01:14:09.000 Um, it's hard.

01:14:09.000 Did you start criticizing people?

01:14:11.000 It's hard.

01:14:11.000 I got very snotty.

01:14:13.000 Yeah?

01:14:13.000 I felt better than everyone.

01:14:15.000 Like, I thought I was better than everybody else.

01:14:18.000 I, uh...

01:14:19.000 No, it's a very difficult thing to do.

01:14:21.000 Yeah, you gotta really make sure that you monitor your protein correctly.

01:14:25.000 Like, people say, where do you get your protein from?

01:14:27.000 And they're like, what about this gorilla? 1.00

01:14:29.000 Listen, bitch, you're not a gorilla. 1.00

01:14:30.000 Okay? 1.00

01:14:31.000 You're not a fucking horse either. 1.00

01:14:32.000 Horses eat hay all day and they're fine. 1.00

01:14:34.000 They have giant muscles. 0.99

01:14:36.000 Your body's different, dummy.

01:14:38.000 People need certain amounts of protein and you certainly need a complex amino acid profile.

01:14:44.000 And some proteins that you're getting from plants, they don't have a full amino acid profile.

01:14:48.000 So if you're going to go vegan and you want to really make sure that your diet is balanced, you've got to really do some reading.

01:14:54.000 Really pay attention to it.

01:14:56.000 Quinoa's good.

01:14:57.000 Quinoa's really good.

01:14:58.000 Hemp is one of the best.

01:14:59.000 Oh, yeah.

01:15:00.000 Yeah, hemp protein.

01:15:01.000 There's some stuff that we sell at Onnit called Hemp Force Protein Powder, and it's one of the best ones because it's super easy to digest, a very fine protein.

01:15:08.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:15:09.000 It's really expensive because we have to get it from fucking Canada. 0.99

01:15:12.000 It's one of the goofiest laws that we have going today in this country that you can't grow hemp. 0.99

01:15:18.000 Still.

01:15:19.000 Yeah.

01:15:19.000 Well, some states are allowing it now, and it's eventually going to roll out, and it's going to be nationwide, but it's one of the easiest things to grow.

01:15:27.000 Yeah, it grows like bamboo.

01:15:28.000 Grows crazy.

01:15:29.000 It doesn't require nearly the amount of service that other plants do.

01:15:34.000 Essentially, it's a weed.

01:15:35.000 Yeah.

01:15:36.000 But anyway, the point is, it's a full amino acid profile.

01:15:40.000 Right.

01:15:40.000 And there's only a few plants that are like that.

01:15:42.000 I don't know what other ones.

01:15:44.000 There's a couple.

01:15:45.000 In all honesty, I was doing it for health.

01:15:48.000 I was doing it because I have a lot of high cholesterol and heart stuff in my family, and I didn't want to go on any drugs, and I was like, I'm just going to keep it at bay, and I'm going to eat clean, and I ate that way for a long time, and eventually, just this last year...

01:16:01.000 My genetics kind of caught up to me and it was like I'm eating this way and still my cholesterol was high.

01:16:07.000 So I was like, you know what?

01:16:08.000 I'm gonna go on a statin and lower it.

01:16:10.000 You are?

01:16:11.000 Yeah.

01:16:12.000 What about exercise?

01:16:13.000 I exercise.

01:16:14.000 What do you do?

01:16:15.000 I run and weights.

01:16:16.000 The reason why I ask this is Anthony Bourdain was on statins and he got on statins just because his body was...

01:16:24.000 He was, you know, constantly going on the road and traveling and drinking and eating food and his body wasn't responding well to that.

01:16:31.000 Right.

01:16:31.000 He had real problems with blood pressure and just decided, well, I could either restrict my diet, which to him is offensive.

01:16:39.000 Yeah.

01:16:39.000 You know, because he's a chef and it's a big part of his thing.

01:16:42.000 Yeah.

01:16:42.000 And especially with his job.

01:16:43.000 Yeah.

01:16:44.000 Eating stuff all around the world.

01:16:45.000 Or get on these statins.

01:16:45.000 So he got on the statins.

01:16:46.000 But then he got into jujitsu.

01:16:48.000 Uh-huh.

01:16:48.000 Got obsessed with jujitsu.

01:16:49.000 Lost 30 pounds.

01:16:51.000 Got off the statins.

01:16:52.000 Yeah.

01:16:52.000 Now he's super healthy.

01:16:53.000 Yeah.

01:16:53.000 Well, that's the thing.

01:16:55.000 I had high cholesterol, and I said, I'm not going to go on the statins.

01:16:58.000 So I increased how I was working out.

01:17:00.000 I went vegan for a long time and lowered it.

01:17:05.000 I was able to lower it and keep it at bay, doing that for a while.

01:17:09.000 And it just started inching up, started kind of coming back.

01:17:13.000 And I don't know.

01:17:14.000 So I just figured it's the 21st century.

01:17:16.000 Let me embrace the technology.

01:17:19.000 But there is negative consequences with your liver.

01:17:22.000 Isn't that correct?

01:17:23.000 Well, you have to be tested.

01:17:25.000 You have to stay on top of it.

01:17:27.000 You've got to do your blood work.

01:17:28.000 Is that an issue?

01:17:29.000 I've only been on it for a couple months.

01:17:31.000 Oh, so you just recently got on it.

01:17:32.000 Brand new.

01:17:33.000 Now, have you ever thought about cutting bread out and pasta and sugar?

01:17:38.000 Yes, I've thought about it.

01:17:41.000 And I didn't like what I was thinking.

01:17:42.000 While you're eating a sandwich?

01:17:44.000 Imagine if I couldn't have this.

01:17:47.000 No, the bread thing is really new.

01:17:49.000 Like, I wasn't eating a lot of bread.

01:17:50.000 This is pretty new, and I do love it.

01:17:52.000 The problem, honestly, is I grew up...

01:17:57.000 Food is a celebration.

01:17:58.000 Food is a way to unite people.

01:18:00.000 Food, it was a big Italian family.

01:18:02.000 Pasta was a part of it.

01:18:04.000 And I was like...

01:18:05.000 Eating as a vegan, I walked into an Italian grocer in Burbank, and the...

01:18:13.000 Salamis and the prosciutto are hanging from the ceiling next to the provolone and there's pastas and there's breads and there's gelato.

01:18:20.000 And I'm like, my ancestors would just pummel me in the alley if I was like, I'm not eating this because I'm a vegan.

01:18:28.000 And I'm like, it's too much fun.

01:18:31.000 It's too much fun to celebrate and live life.

01:18:33.000 So if I could just do that once in a while, I can't say I'm going to be a vegan and not eat that stuff for the rest of my life.

01:18:41.000 I'm not going to do it.

01:18:42.000 Of all the people that have ever suggested healthy diets to, no one looked at me more disgusted than Artie Lang. 0.99

01:18:50.000 When Artie was in here, and he was talking to me about it, he said, I gotta lose weight, and he was talking about this, and I was talking to him about cutting off pastas and breads and all this, and he looked at me like, what the fuck are you saying? 0.94

01:19:02.000 He was, like, offended. 0.97

01:19:04.000 Like, in his eyes, somehow or another, he is going to eventually figure out how to lose all this weight without changing a goddamn thing about his lifestyle or his diet. 0.92

01:19:16.000 But that kind of thinking is also why he's so hilarious. 0.86

01:19:20.000 So funny. 1.00

01:19:21.000 Because he's just a wild motherfucker. 1.00

01:19:23.000 A wild motherfucker that devours everything around him. 1.00

01:19:25.000 Including gambling. 1.00

01:19:26.000 You ever talk to him about gambling?

01:19:27.000 Yes, he's a cyclone.

01:19:28.000 I put 500 grand on this to win.

01:19:31.000 Like, what?

01:19:32.000 You put what?

01:19:33.000 Hold on.

01:19:34.000 How long does it take you to make that?

01:19:36.000 500,000!

01:19:37.000 You had a $500,000 bet!

01:19:39.000 Right.

01:19:40.000 Oh my god! 0.99

01:19:41.000 Like, I hear shit like that. 0.99

01:19:42.000 My palms start sweating. 0.99

01:19:43.000 I am terrified of gambling because I know way too many people that do it.

01:19:50.000 Yeah.

01:19:50.000 And rich people.

01:19:51.000 Oh yeah, I know.

01:19:52.000 Like my friend Dana White, who's the president of the UFC. He's rich.

01:19:56.000 Right.

01:19:56.000 And he will gamble.

01:19:57.000 He's lost as much as a million dollars in a night.

01:20:00.000 Wow. 1.00

01:20:01.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:20:02.000 A million dollars. 1.00

01:20:03.000 Dude, I wouldn't be able to sleep for a month.

01:20:05.000 No way! 0.88

01:20:06.000 I'd be freaking the fuck out. 0.90

01:20:08.000 I'd be like, what am I doing?

01:20:10.000 What's wrong with me?

01:20:11.000 Yeah, why is that worth it?

01:20:13.000 We won seven million one night.

01:20:14.000 What?

01:20:16.000 Exactly.

01:20:16.000 Seven million?

01:20:17.000 Seven million.

01:20:18.000 Won it in one night.

01:20:19.000 I wonder how different the rush is winning $500 to $7 million.

01:20:25.000 Oh, it's way different, Tom Papa!

01:20:29.000 It's 6,995,000...

01:20:34.000 Can you go up to the guy like, I want it now?

01:20:38.000 I'd like to take this with me now?

01:20:40.000 Well, they don't like to pay you.

01:20:42.000 Right.

01:20:43.000 Because they like to keep it in the casino.

01:20:45.000 Sure.

01:20:45.000 Seven million!

01:20:46.000 And so they paid him in garbage bags.

01:20:48.000 They wanted to give him cash.

01:20:50.000 They didn't even give him a bag.

01:20:51.000 He had to go and get garbage bags. 0.99

01:20:53.000 So they came back with those fucking black hefty bags and they stuffed seven million dollars in hefty bags and then left the casino. 0.99

01:21:01.000 And said, take it if you want it? 1.00

01:21:03.000 When you have $7 million in garbage bags and you're leaving, you're like a small child with a sandwich walking through a room full of wolves.

01:21:12.000 It's like, maybe you'll make it to the door.

01:21:16.000 Maybe one of these wolves is just not going to listen.

01:21:20.000 Gee, how many bags would that be?

01:21:22.000 I don't know.

01:21:23.000 It's $100 bills, which I assume it is, right?

01:21:26.000 I know there are $1,000 bills, correct?

01:21:28.000 There are.

01:21:29.000 Have you ever seen one?

01:21:29.000 No, I wonder who's on it.

01:21:31.000 Your mother.

01:21:32.000 Who's even on it?

01:21:32.000 Oh, hey, mama!

01:21:35.000 There's a $5,000?

01:21:36.000 There's a $500 bill.

01:21:38.000 Oh, really? 0.95

01:21:38.000 Yes, I recently saw someone hand it to Trump when he signed it or some shit like that. 0.95

01:21:42.000 Really? 0.97

01:21:43.000 Huh.

01:21:44.000 Do you feel like you're deprived when you eat this way?

01:21:47.000 No.

01:21:47.000 You don't feel deprived of anything?

01:21:49.000 No.

01:21:49.000 Because it doesn't seem...

01:21:50.000 The benefits are extreme.

01:21:52.000 Like physically, I feel great.

01:21:54.000 And this is like the stuff that I just drank, the stuff in front of you.

01:21:57.000 This is exogenous ketones.

01:21:59.000 Because my body's essentially in a ketogenic state.

01:22:03.000 So I take this mineral and amino acid supplement.

01:22:05.000 It's called Kegenix.

01:22:07.000 What's a ketogenic state?

01:22:09.000 A ketogenic state means your body's burning fat as opposed to burning carbohydrates.

01:22:13.000 And one way to manipulate that state and to make sure that your body stays ketogenic is you take exogenous ketones.

01:22:25.000 And this stuff allows your body to go back into a state of ketosis, which means it's primarily using fat as fuel.

01:22:34.000 Meanwhile, people right now are going, will you stop? 0.99

01:22:38.000 Fucking talking about your diet, Rogan! 1.00

01:22:41.000 Jesus Christ! 1.00

01:22:42.000 I'm interested. 0.99

01:22:43.000 Screw them. 0.99

01:22:43.000 Tom Papa brought it up, folks. 0.99

01:22:45.000 I wouldn't have said it.

01:22:47.000 You're alright.

01:22:47.000 Nothing happened.

01:22:48.000 We're good.

01:22:51.000 I'd like to eat lean.

01:22:53.000 I'd like to cut some of that stuff out.

01:22:55.000 I don't eat that much bread and pasta. 0.99

01:22:56.000 You ain't cutting out shit, buddy. 1.00

01:22:57.000 I would! 1.00

01:22:59.000 I'll do it.

01:23:00.000 You and Artie Land get together and come up with a diet plan.

01:23:02.000 I'll do it.

01:23:03.000 It's called the make-believe diet plan.

01:23:05.000 Let's make believe one day we're gonna do something different.

01:23:08.000 I don't feel different because I still eat like really healthy and really delicious foods.

01:23:13.000 How's this different from Atkins?

01:23:15.000 Atkins is mostly protein, and the problem with that is, and it does kind of put you in a state of ketosis, but that's not really what your body wants.

01:23:23.000 Apparently your body wants more fats than it does protein. 0.98

01:23:26.000 Oh, so you're eating fattier?

01:23:28.000 Yeah.

01:23:28.000 But what I'm eating is a lot of avocados, a lot of coconut oil, a lot of things along those lines, almond butter.

01:23:35.000 And when you eat a lot of nuts, you're getting fats that are healthy.

01:23:39.000 Right.

01:23:39.000 Oils and fats that your body processes really well.

01:23:43.000 The biggest benefit, and this is something that my friend Denny had said to me, and this is a thing I recognize too, is cognitive.

01:23:50.000 Like, I'm more awake during the day.

01:23:52.000 Really?

01:23:52.000 Yeah, and I'm even.

01:23:53.000 That's huge.

01:23:54.000 Like, the way I am right now, here at 1220, I'll be like this at 7 o'clock at night.

01:23:58.000 Really?

01:23:59.000 I'm even through the day.

01:24:00.000 I was never even before, man.

01:24:02.000 No, you crash in the afternoon. 0.99

01:24:03.000 I'd have these fucking meals, and then I'd want to take a nap. 1.00

01:24:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:06.000 That's not there anymore. 1.00

01:24:08.000 So after I eat, what I normally eat is salads with avocado and some sort of piece of protein, whether a piece of fish or chicken or something like that, or meat.

01:24:19.000 When I eat like that, I don't get tired. 0.93

01:24:22.000 My body's telling me, look, this is way more efficient, it's way better for us, and it's not like I'm eating fucking cardboard and tofu. 0.98

01:24:30.000 It's delicious food. 0.98

01:24:32.000 It's just no bread, no pasta.

01:24:34.000 And what about your family? 0.99

01:24:35.000 They eat whatever the fuck they want. 1.00

01:24:37.000 Do you sit down and eat dinner with them? 1.00

01:24:39.000 Yeah.

01:24:39.000 And you have a different meal than they do?

01:24:41.000 Well, I just eat different stuff.

01:24:43.000 Like, one of the things I eat, if we have pasta, I eat squash.

01:24:47.000 I take squash, like zucchini squash.

01:24:49.000 Right.

01:24:50.000 And I run it through this machine.

01:24:51.000 It's like this thing that spins.

01:24:53.000 You crank this handle, and it twirls this zucchini through this cutter that makes these little swirly pasta-like noodle things.

01:25:01.000 Right.

01:25:01.000 And then I put spaghetti sauce on that.

01:25:03.000 Really?

01:25:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:25:04.000 And your kid's like, Dad, what are you doing?

01:25:06.000 They don't mind.

01:25:07.000 They even eat some of it.

01:25:08.000 They're used to it.

01:25:09.000 Right.

01:25:09.000 My kids have eaten everything.

01:25:11.000 Right.

01:25:12.000 That's exactly what it is.

01:25:13.000 Oh, that's right from my page.

01:25:15.000 See, it twirls it into those noodles, and then that's ground venison.

01:25:21.000 So Joe, if you eat like this, and then that one meal you had pasta, does that blow the whole thing?

01:25:28.000 No, no, no, no.

01:25:29.000 But it knocks you out of ketosis.

01:25:32.000 But this stuff right here knocks you right back in.

01:25:35.000 You can have a syrupy glass of soda, and then have this stuff, and it'll put you right back into ketosis.

01:25:41.000 Really?

01:25:42.000 Yeah.

01:25:43.000 It's just manipulating the way your body processes fuel.

01:25:48.000 Right.

01:25:49.000 And I just find, just for me, that when my body, and not just me, like Shaw, Brendan Chubb, my buddy who got on it a few months ago, like two months ago or something like that, he's lost a shitload of weight.

01:26:00.000 He looks great.

01:26:00.000 Everybody I know that's done it loves it.

01:26:02.000 Really?

01:26:03.000 Yeah.

01:26:03.000 I just don't think that your body's meant to eat that much sugar and that many processed carbohydrates.

01:26:08.000 I just don't think it is.

01:26:09.000 No, they're not.

01:26:10.000 Absolutely.

01:26:11.000 You can do it.

01:26:12.000 That's even like with this bread.

01:26:14.000 It's like, you know, that was the only thing that you would, that would be the carb that you would eat.

01:26:18.000 You know what I mean?

01:26:19.000 You would have a little, the percentage in your diet was so small.

01:26:23.000 Right.

01:26:23.000 You know, then you're eating vegetables and you're eating meats and fish and nuts and...

01:26:28.000 Salads, folks. 1.00

01:26:30.000 Eat some fucking salad. 1.00

01:26:31.000 It's so important. 1.00

01:26:33.000 That's one of the things that drives me the most crazy about vegans.

01:26:36.000 One of the things is they'll assume that you don't eat what they eat.

01:26:39.000 Right.

01:26:40.000 Like, you know, like vegans...

01:26:41.000 Correct.

01:26:41.000 This guy was telling me, like, I'm eating all these vegetables and I'm getting all these nutrients and you're not.

01:26:46.000 I go, well, actually I am.

01:26:48.000 Because I'm eating all those vegetables too.

01:26:49.000 Right.

01:26:50.000 But I also have steak.

01:26:51.000 Right.

01:26:51.000 Like, what the fuck?

01:26:52.000 This idea that they're mutually exclusive is so stupid. 1.00

01:26:55.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

01:26:55.000 Like, yeah, you definitely should have vegetables. 1.00

01:26:57.000 Everyone should eat vegetables.

01:26:59.000 But the idea that you shouldn't eat meat because we're not designed for meat, that becomes like an ideological argument.

01:27:04.000 Then they start saying things like, you know, like the body was not designed for that.

01:27:08.000 Human beings are herbivores.

01:27:10.000 No, actually we're not.

01:27:11.000 It's not only that.

01:27:12.000 It's proof positive.

01:27:13.000 It's been proven that one of the main reasons why the human brain got large is because of meat consumption.

01:27:19.000 Right.

01:27:20.000 Yeah.

01:27:20.000 The monkeys figured out, look, there's better protein out there.

01:27:25.000 Right. 1.00

01:27:25.000 We're going to start eating some whatever the fuck they ate. 1.00

01:27:27.000 What did they eat? 0.99

01:27:29.000 You see, they just found this Walt Whitman guide.

01:27:32.000 Someone found it in a library.

01:27:35.000 It was like this finding of Walt Whitman stuff that he wrote that people hadn't seen before, so they got excited.

01:27:40.000 It was about health.

01:27:41.000 It was about a guide to being a healthy man or something.

01:27:46.000 And the first thing was, eat meat!

01:27:48.000 Yeah, of course.

01:27:49.000 That was his first thing.

01:27:50.000 Well, that's what people thought back then.

01:27:52.000 It was super important.

01:27:56.000 Did you see that thing recently?

01:27:58.000 They discovered the remains of a mastodon that had been slaughtered by people in...

01:28:05.000 I think they found it in Florida in a bog or something like that or sinkhole and it was 14,000 years old.

01:28:12.000 So it threw a monkey wrench into the timeline of people being in North America because it pushed it back by 1500 years.

01:28:22.000 So, it's like a new mystery.

01:28:26.000 There's a lot of just rampant speculation. 0.98

01:28:29.000 Once you get past a couple thousand years ago, they're like, who the fuck knows? 0.96

01:28:33.000 What we were doing.

01:28:34.000 Yeah, there's current theories, and they try to work on them, and they try to...

01:28:38.000 You know, they're trying to decipher the past based on these little small clues that they dig up here and there.

01:28:45.000 Right.

01:28:45.000 And occasionally they dig up a new clue and they just go, whoa.

01:28:48.000 Right.

01:28:49.000 Okay.

01:28:49.000 All right.

01:28:49.000 Everybody, let's get together.

01:28:50.000 Let's get together because we just fucked our timeline. 0.99

01:28:53.000 Right. 0.99

01:28:53.000 We got to go back and rewrite the whole timeline. 0.99

01:28:56.000 Yeah.

01:28:56.000 It's pretty cool looking though.

01:28:58.000 Is it?

01:28:58.000 There it is.

01:28:58.000 Yeah.

01:28:58.000 They pulled it out.

01:29:00.000 Yeah.

01:29:01.000 A stone knife masked on bones and a fossilized dung found in an underwater sinkhole shows that humans lived in North Florida about 14,500 years ago.

01:29:15.000 According to new research suggests the colonization of the Americas was far more complex than originally believed.

01:29:20.000 I love stuff like this.

01:29:22.000 It's so cool.

01:29:22.000 It's like learning about a mystery culture.

01:29:25.000 I'm just unbelievably fascinated by the idea that people lived like us.

01:29:31.000 They were like us.

01:29:32.000 Yeah.

01:29:32.000 14,000 years ago.

01:29:33.000 And they lived these crazy existences where they were just hanging together in these little tribes and they relied on each other deeply.

01:29:41.000 Right.

01:29:42.000 And that was the only way you could survive.

01:29:44.000 You had to get in these small groups of like 50 people and everybody stuck together.

01:29:47.000 Yeah.

01:29:48.000 Had to gather food and everybody had a responsibility.

01:29:51.000 Yeah.

01:29:52.000 There's a direct connection between social behaviors today and the hunter-gatherer needs thousands and thousands of years ago. 0.95

01:30:02.000 The reason why women are so talkative and social and men prefer people being more stoic and men don't like when men talk too much is because those men would fuck up hunting trips. 0.97

01:30:12.000 Oh. 0.98

01:30:13.000 Really?

01:30:13.000 Yeah, I mean, if you were out there hunting, and the women would get together, and when women were gatherers, women's jobs were equally as hard as men, if not harder, because they were in charge of farming.

01:30:23.000 Like, the men were gathering, at least, vegetables and foods that you could find, and the men would go out and hunt. 0.96

01:30:30.000 So the hunters learned how to prize being stealthy and quiet and keeping your shit together under pressure. 0.98

01:30:38.000 Called cool. 0.98

01:30:38.000 Yeah, keeping your cool together when you're sneaking up on an animal and all your nerves are firing. 0.98

01:30:44.000 Right.

01:30:45.000 You have to execute a shot or throw a spear and you have to get the job done. 1.00

01:30:49.000 Whereas women, they get together and they start talking about this one and that one and she says this and I'm not fucking bitch. 1.00

01:30:55.000 Picking vegetables. 1.00

01:30:56.000 Yeah, and they're sitting there by the river avoiding crocodiles, washing underwear, going, this fucking bitch thinks she's going to take my man off. 1.00

01:31:02.000 All right. 1.00

01:31:03.000 Does your husband come back from a hunt and not talk?

01:31:05.000 I mean, how can you be out for a whole hunt and have nothing to say when you come home?

01:31:08.000 Oh my god, I come home and I'm just yap, [... 0.99

01:31:11.000 And he's like, will you shut the fuck up? 0.98

01:31:12.000 I think I heard a stick snap. 1.00

01:31:14.000 A stick snap.

01:31:14.000 There's a lion in the bushes.

01:31:18.000 Honey, I just got home.

01:31:19.000 I've been out hunting all day.

01:31:20.000 Just give me a minute before we start talking.

01:31:23.000 I was watching this thing the other night about the Maasai, the Maasai warriors, and they're mostly herders. 0.98

01:31:30.000 They have all these cattle, and it was really crazy because they had 10-year-old kids helping out.

01:31:35.000 These 10-year-old kids are herding cattle, and they're just doing jobs.

01:31:40.000 Get to work.

01:31:40.000 Yeah, get to work at 10. Yeah.

01:31:42.000 And one of the things, they had this village that is in the middle of this incredibly wild area.

01:31:49.000 I mean, they're surrounded by buffaloes and lions.

01:31:52.000 And all around their village, this very small little village, which is really an extended family.

01:31:58.000 It's like the mothers and the fathers and their families and brothers and sisters and their families.

01:32:04.000 And everyone lives together in this one little extended village with all their livestock.

01:32:07.000 But all around their tiny village, they had thorn bushes placed.

01:32:12.000 Uh-huh.

01:32:12.000 To keep lions out.

01:32:14.000 Oh, really?

01:32:14.000 That's their fence.

01:32:16.000 Their fence is just making it uncomfortable for lions to move in and kill them.

01:32:21.000 Oh, jeez. 1.00

01:32:21.000 So fucked, man. 1.00

01:32:23.000 I was watching it. 1.00

01:32:23.000 And apparently that's not their biggest danger. 1.00

01:32:26.000 Their biggest danger is buffalo.

01:32:28.000 Oh, yeah?

01:32:28.000 Yeah, man.

01:32:29.000 Those fucking cape buffalo, I guess it is. 1.00

01:32:32.000 I don't know which buffalo. 1.00

01:32:33.000 That's what they look like.

01:32:35.000 That's a buffalo?

01:32:36.000 No, that's a baby.

01:32:38.000 That's a little tiny person. 0.99

01:32:39.000 A little tiny Maasai person. 1.00

01:32:41.000 Their buffalo are so weird.

01:32:42.000 They look like people!

01:32:44.000 They wear clothes!

01:32:46.000 Why does he have a robe?

01:32:47.000 Walking around naked.

01:32:49.000 It's cute.

01:32:50.000 And they still survive today?

01:32:51.000 They're still in the sign?

01:32:52.000 Yeah.

01:32:53.000 So see those bushes that they have set up like that?

01:32:55.000 Yeah.

01:32:56.000 That's how they keep the lines out.

01:32:57.000 They just make it uncomfortable for them.

01:32:58.000 They set up these parameters around their house.

01:33:03.000 But the buffalo, I guess it's Cape Buffalo or Water Buffalo or...

01:33:09.000 One of the buffaloes.

01:33:12.000 Tanzania.

01:33:13.000 Look up dangerous buffaloes.

01:33:14.000 That's where I'm going.

01:33:15.000 I'm going to Tanzania.

01:33:16.000 When?

01:33:17.000 In August.

01:33:18.000 Dude, I'm thinking about going in August.

01:33:19.000 Are you really?

01:33:20.000 I'm thinking about going on a safari with the family.

01:33:22.000 What are you doing?

01:33:22.000 August 5th through the 16th.

01:33:24.000 What are you doing?

01:33:25.000 I know a guy that runs these resorts there.

01:33:27.000 And you're going to go...

01:33:28.000 We're going to go safari.

01:33:29.000 The family?

01:33:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:33:30.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:33:31.000 Tom Papa? 1.00

01:33:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:33:32.000 Look at you.

01:33:33.000 Maybe we'll be there at the same time.

01:33:34.000 We'll ignore each other, though.

01:33:36.000 We could meet and pretend we're hunting for like a minute.

01:33:40.000 I gotta go back to my woman. 0.98

01:33:41.000 Stuff for bread.

01:33:45.000 Yeah, what if they don't have bread?

01:33:46.000 They do, right?

01:33:48.000 Yeah, you gotta tell me where you're going.

01:33:49.000 Yeah, we haven't decided yet.

01:33:50.000 We're deciding on a family trip this summer, and it'd either be Europe or Africa.

01:33:55.000 Those are the two potential destinations now, and I haven't really, I don't know.

01:34:00.000 Wouldn't it be cool, this is what I'm thinking, I never really had a real draw to Africa, but the idea that I could get my children to Africa, it feels like a good thing.

01:34:08.000 I think those are wildebeest, Jamie. 1.00

01:34:11.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

01:34:13.000 Tanzania. 1.00

01:34:13.000 Those right down there. 1.00

01:34:14.000 That one right there.

01:34:15.000 See that one right down there that that guy is right in front of?

01:34:17.000 I guess that's a dead one, huh?

01:34:18.000 What is that?

01:34:21.000 That's some sort of a buffalo, right?

01:34:23.000 Yeah. 0.93

01:34:24.000 That's a giant-ass buffalo. 0.93

01:34:26.000 Yeah, that's enormous.

01:34:28.000 Well, those things, apparently, those buffaloes that they have in... 0.99

01:34:31.000 Just find out what kind of buffalo, because I keep saying buffalo.

01:34:35.000 Yeah.

01:34:36.000 There's a name.

01:34:39.000 But those things apparently are the most dangerous thing in Africa. 0.85

01:34:42.000 Oh, really?

01:34:43.000 Next to hippos.

01:34:44.000 Hippos, yeah.

01:34:45.000 Hippos.

01:34:45.000 Cape buffalo or African buffalo.

01:34:47.000 Oh, okay.

01:34:47.000 So, I was kind of right.

01:34:49.000 But those fuckers, when I was watching the show on the Maasai, one of the ladies had gone to get water and she got jacked by a buffalo. 1.00

01:34:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:34:57.000 Really? 1.00

01:34:58.000 Yeah, you just do too close. 1.00

01:34:59.000 They go, fuck you, and they just run at you. 1.00

01:35:01.000 Think of a bull, like how mean bulls are. 1.00

01:35:03.000 And fast.

01:35:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:05.000 I mean, bull riders, I mean, those bulls are just like, fuck you, kicking them off. 1.00

01:35:09.000 Right. 1.00

01:35:09.000 I mean, that's what these goddamn things are, but times 10. Oh, man. 1.00

01:35:13.000 They're enormous.

01:35:13.000 What about the hyenas?

01:35:14.000 That's what I'm worried about.

01:35:16.000 Scary, too.

01:35:16.000 Those things are evil.

01:35:17.000 They're all scary.

01:35:18.000 Yeah.

01:35:19.000 They're mean.

01:35:20.000 You know, hyenas are one of the few animals where the female is larger than the male to keep the male from eating the babies.

01:35:28.000 Really?

01:35:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:30.000 Oh, they don't give a shit. 1.00

01:35:31.000 They're so mean. 1.00

01:35:32.000 And their jaws are super strong.

01:35:34.000 Yeah, like some of the strongest bites in the world.

01:35:37.000 I think the only thing stronger is like crocodiles.

01:35:39.000 On these safari things, you can't go out, like you can't go to the bathroom at night.

01:35:42.000 Is this the buffaloes?

01:35:43.000 Yeah, the attacks part, if you can read that.

01:35:45.000 What does it say, buddy?

01:35:47.000 Oh, okay.

01:35:49.000 Other than the Big Five, it is known as the Black Death or Widowmaker and is widely regarded as a very dangerous animal.

01:35:57.000 Whoa, it gores and kills over 200 people every year.

01:36:01.000 Jesus Christ.

01:36:02.000 Buffaloes are sometimes reported to kill people in Africa, kill more people in Africa than any other animal.

01:36:09.000 Yeah, but look at that picture of Hemingway.

01:36:11.000 He just killed that thing.

01:36:12.000 Although some of the claims are made by hippos and crocodiles. 1.00

01:36:15.000 Yeah, you mean you could definitely kill them. 1.00

01:36:16.000 I'm totally killing it. 1.00

01:36:19.000 They don't taste good, though.

01:36:21.000 My problem would be with one of those things.

01:36:24.000 Well, you can absolutely eat buffalo.

01:36:27.000 Like a buddy of mine shot one with a bow and arrow, but he said he was practicing with his bow and arrow for a half an hour while chewing one piece of meat.

01:36:35.000 Oh, really?

01:36:36.000 Yeah.

01:36:36.000 Like, literally, it's so tough.

01:36:38.000 I had buffalo this winter from the Yellowstone area.

01:36:43.000 Oh, I had bison.

01:36:44.000 That was good.

01:36:44.000 Oh, that's delicious.

01:36:45.000 Yeah, that's a different kind of buffalo.

01:36:47.000 Well, there's a real controversy, and this isn't a good thing to bring up now, because I found out something yesterday.

01:36:52.000 There's a big controversy that's going on in Yellowstone because they're culling a large number of bison from Yellowstone.

01:37:01.000 And these people are freaking out about it.

01:37:04.000 And they're freaking out about it from a couple different sides, but one of the reasons why they say they're killing them is because there's a large population of them.

01:37:12.000 There's no hunting in Yellowstone, and these animals are traveling to outside of Yellowstone, and they're using the land that ranchers use for cattle.

01:37:22.000 So there's public land that ranchers have rights to have their cattle graze on, but then these bison are intruding into these land, and they're saying that the bison carry brucellosis, which is apparently a very dangerous disease for cattle because it makes their babies stillborn.

01:37:41.000 But there's no evidence, apparently, that brucellosis is transferred from bison to cattle.

01:37:49.000 See, one of the guys that was on the Twitter exchange that I was having last night was explaining that, and I said, really?

01:37:57.000 I said, well, why are they killing these animals?

01:37:58.000 They're saying that they have brucellosis, and they're worried about them transferring it to cattle.

01:38:02.000 No evidence that they've done it.

01:38:03.000 So I go and look at it, and apparently it's true.

01:38:05.000 Apparently elk are more likely to transfer brucellosis to cattle, but elk don't use the same grazing ground.

01:38:12.000 They don't graze the same way that cattle do.

01:38:15.000 So what these buffalo do is they're competing for grazing ground, and they're using their brucellosis as an excuse to slaughter them.

01:38:23.000 Oh. 0.84

01:38:24.000 And so they're just going in there and shooting them. 0.99

01:38:26.000 And they use all the meat. 0.97

01:38:27.000 I mean, they're bringing all the meat to...

01:38:29.000 I mean, it all becomes...

01:38:30.000 Either gets donated to Native Americans or they butcher it and sell it. 1.00

01:38:35.000 So you're allowed to shoot them? 0.69

01:38:37.000 They're allowing a cull of a certain amount of them, but apparently it's hundreds of them.

01:38:42.000 And people that love seeing those things at Yellowstone are kind of freaking out because...

01:38:47.000 They're doing it because of cattle operations, really.

01:38:51.000 Right.

01:38:51.000 It's really a thinly disguised protection of cattle land.

01:38:57.000 It's a strange thing because you...

01:39:01.000 Bring them back, and they get to a certain number, and then that number becomes too large.

01:39:05.000 But too large for what?

01:39:07.000 Too large in our...

01:39:08.000 It's only too large for a very small area.

01:39:10.000 Right.

01:39:10.000 Yeah.

01:39:11.000 Yeah, for the way that the humans are living.

01:39:13.000 Like, you know, in New Jersey, they have this...

01:39:15.000 There's so many deer, you want to shoot more deer, but it's because it's the most densely populated state in the Union.

01:39:22.000 There's just...

01:39:25.000 That's the real problem with deer.

01:39:27.000 Deer require a prey-predator balance that we have in California.

01:39:31.000 California has a weird thing going on.

01:39:34.000 I like it in some ways and in other ways I don't like it.

01:39:36.000 One of the things that I do like it is that what California has done is allowed mountain lions to kill the deer.

01:39:42.000 And you can't kill mountain lions.

01:39:44.000 So there's no hunting of mountain lions.

01:39:46.000 It's one of the few states One of the few states that has a large, healthy mountain lion population where hunting's not regulated.

01:39:53.000 So the problem is, wildlife biologists don't agree with that.

01:39:57.000 Wildlife biologists think that you have to manage the numbers of mountain lions just like you manage all the other animals.

01:40:03.000 On the flip side, because you don't hunt mountain lions, you see very little deer.

01:40:08.000 It's very hard to find.

01:40:09.000 Deer hunting in California has diminished radically since the 1990s when they instituted this no mountain lion hunting.

01:40:15.000 So the mountain lions are just eating them up.

01:40:17.000 They're going like crazy.

01:40:17.000 And there's a lot of mountain lions.

01:40:19.000 There's a lot.

01:40:20.000 There's a friend of mine who works on a ranch called Tejon Ranch.

01:40:24.000 Uh-huh.

01:40:25.000 And Tohono Ranch has this one waterhole where they have a camera set up to photograph whatever animals in there.

01:40:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:30.000 They found 16 different mountain lions on one waterhole.

01:40:33.000 Jeez.

01:40:34.000 Jesus Christ.

01:40:35.000 Well, they create those breezeways, like, over the freeways and stuff.

01:40:38.000 Mm-hmm.

01:40:39.000 Well, they're trying to do that.

01:40:39.000 I don't know if they have actually done that.

01:40:41.000 Yeah, no.

01:40:41.000 Have they actually built it?

01:40:42.000 Yeah.

01:40:42.000 Where?

01:40:43.000 I've seen them.

01:40:43.000 I think on the way back from Palm Springs.

01:40:45.000 Imagine going up and jogging on one of those things.

01:40:48.000 Yeah.

01:40:48.000 Have you ever seen that video of the lady in Florida where she's on, like, a small bridge and a panther runs by her?

01:40:55.000 No.

01:40:55.000 You ever seen it?

01:40:56.000 No.

01:40:56.000 Oh my god.

01:40:57.000 It is a shit your pants in a half moment. 0.99

01:41:01.000 It's big, man. 0.99

01:41:03.000 Really?

01:41:03.000 It is big.

01:41:03.000 Yeah, but the Florida panther is another animal that was on the brink of extinction.

01:41:07.000 And it's the same animal.

01:41:08.000 It's a mountain lion.

01:41:09.000 Oh yeah, same thing.

01:41:11.000 Puma, panther, mountain lion, same animal.

01:41:13.000 Just different colors?

01:41:14.000 No, not even different colors.

01:41:15.000 This one is a mountain lion color.

01:41:17.000 Different outfits?

01:41:17.000 Yes, they have different nail polish and stuff.

01:41:20.000 But this, uh, watch this video.

01:41:21.000 Look at this.

01:41:22.000 This lady's on this bridge. 1.00

01:41:23.000 Check this shit out. 1.00

01:41:24.000 It's crazy. 1.00

01:41:25.000 Will we hear it?

01:41:26.000 Give us some volume, Jamie.

01:41:28.000 Look at this.

01:41:28.000 So she's hanging out.

01:41:30.000 She's walking on this bridge.

01:41:31.000 She's like, look, everything is so pretty.

01:41:34.000 Oh my god.

01:41:35.000 Oh my god.

01:41:37.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:41:38.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:41:40.000 Ah! 1.00

01:41:43.000 What in the fuck, dude? 1.00

01:41:45.000 He just wasn't interested. 1.00

01:41:46.000 What in the fuck? 1.00

01:41:48.000 Thank God. 1.00

01:41:49.000 What in the f- That's a big cat, too, man.

01:41:51.000 Yeah.

01:41:52.000 It's this wooden bridge in the Everglades, I think it is.

01:41:55.000 Oh, my God.

01:41:56.000 Oh, my God.

01:41:57.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:41:59.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:41:59.000 He got scared. 1.00

01:42:00.000 He was just as scared.

01:42:02.000 Jesus Christ.

01:42:03.000 They were talking about him out here, and they showed a guy was working on someone's house.

01:42:08.000 Yeah.

01:42:09.000 Like in the Hollywood Hills.

01:42:10.000 And the guy just comes out.

01:42:12.000 He's like doing the plumbing or something.

01:42:13.000 He's like, there's something in there.

01:42:16.000 It's really big.

01:42:19.000 He just put like a flashlight on this giant stick and deep under the house, that was his den.

01:42:25.000 Oh my God.

01:42:25.000 He was just living in there.

01:42:26.000 Living under his house.

01:42:27.000 Yeah. 0.89

01:42:28.000 There's another video that I posted yesterday, Jamie, of this guy where a bear, a fucking huge bear, comes running at him, full clip, and the guy jumps up and down and screams at the top of his lungs and it turns around and bolts. 0.63

01:42:43.000 It worked? 0.96

01:42:43.000 Last minute. 0.96

01:42:44.000 Really?

01:42:44.000 Yeah.

01:42:45.000 Yeah, it's on my Twitter.

01:42:46.000 But, like, last minute.

01:42:49.000 Oh, my God.

01:42:49.000 I mean, it got, like, as close as Jamie is to you.

01:42:52.000 Grizzly?

01:42:53.000 Huge.

01:42:54.000 Huge.

01:42:55.000 I mean, like 700 pounds. 0.99

01:42:57.000 It is a fucking enormous, this bear. 0.99

01:43:00.000 Look how big this bear is. 0.99

01:43:01.000 Like, wait until you see this video. 1.00

01:43:02.000 You're going to shit your pants. 0.98

01:43:03.000 So go full screen, Jamie. 0.98

01:43:06.000 It's not going full screen? 0.99

01:43:09.000 Wait, you're going to shit your pants, dude. 0.99

01:43:10.000 Swedish man. 0.98

01:43:11.000 So this guy, he sees it in the woods, and he starts running up to him.

01:43:15.000 Where's the volume, buddy?

01:43:16.000 It's all wintry.

01:43:19.000 Why is there no sound?

01:43:21.000 There's definitely sound.

01:43:22.000 We've got to hear the sound, because the guy screams at it.

01:43:24.000 Hold on, we've got to figure it out.

01:43:25.000 Wow, it worked. 0.99

01:43:26.000 Holy shit, I never saw that. 1.00

01:43:28.000 I never even thought that would work. 0.99

01:43:32.000 What's that?

01:43:34.000 Well, it's definitely got sound, so let's figure it out.

01:43:36.000 Because you've got to hear it.

01:43:37.000 Because the guy goes... 0.99

01:43:40.000 But look how fucking big it is, man. 0.99

01:43:42.000 Look at the size of it. 0.99

01:43:43.000 It's running at him.

01:43:45.000 Like, running at him.

01:43:46.000 And he was able to scare it.

01:43:48.000 He reels back like he's scared.

01:43:50.000 Well, he went for it.

01:43:51.000 You know, look. 1.00

01:43:54.000 And the bear's like, oh shit! 1.00

01:43:55.000 Look at him. 1.00

01:43:56.000 Cha-cha-cha! 1.00

01:43:57.000 Look how big he is, and look how much bigger that thing is.

01:44:00.000 Wow.

01:44:00.000 It's like four times, five times bigger than him.

01:44:03.000 Oh my god.

01:44:04.000 Look at the size of that thing!

01:44:05.000 Oh my god, that makes me freak out.

01:44:06.000 If he had turned and run, he would have been eaten.

01:44:08.000 Oh yeah, for sure.

01:44:10.000 I mean, the thing ran at him like it was dinner time.

01:44:13.000 I was that close to a bear.

01:44:15.000 Where?

01:44:16.000 In Alaska in Denali.

01:44:17.000 Jesus.

01:44:18.000 A grizzly?

01:44:19.000 Yep. 1.00

01:44:20.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:44:20.000 Big ass grizzly. 1.00

01:44:21.000 We woke up in the morning and we were in backcountry for a couple weeks just hiking and walking around and we woke up and we were making our breakfast and we look up on a ridge and there's this big ass bear. 0.90

01:44:37.000 This is September so it's like late.

01:44:39.000 It's like they're getting ready to hibernate and he's walking down the ridge As we're packing up.

01:44:46.000 Up the ridge is actually where we were cleaning our dishes and doing all this stuff.

01:44:51.000 Now we're back at camp.

01:44:52.000 We're breaking down to hike out.

01:44:54.000 We see this thing go walking down. 1.00

01:44:56.000 Just dumbasses. 0.99

01:44:58.000 We're so lucky we didn't get eaten. 0.99

01:45:00.000 We pack up and we just start walking in the same direction that the bear was going.

01:45:06.000 We're like, he's not going to be going.

01:45:07.000 He probably has beaten us there.

01:45:10.000 We're walking through these These reeds, these like bamboo kind of little reeds, but they were only like six feet high.

01:45:17.000 And there's like eight of us, maybe six of us.

01:45:20.000 And we're walking with our packs on.

01:45:23.000 And you just hear whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

01:45:27.000 And you see the reeds separating whoosh, whoosh.

01:45:30.000 Slowly, though.

01:45:31.000 Like, it's not coming fast.

01:45:33.000 Just whoosh! 0.68

01:45:34.000 And we're like, what the hell?

01:45:35.000 That's probably the bear. 0.52

01:45:37.000 We see that it's the bear.

01:45:39.000 And, you know, you're supposed to do what that guy did.

01:45:42.000 Put your arms up, or at least freeze, and don't...

01:45:44.000 Everyone in the group took off.

01:45:47.000 That's the one thing you're not supposed to do.

01:45:48.000 No!

01:45:48.000 They ran?

01:45:49.000 Ah!

01:45:50.000 No!

01:45:51.000 Oh, my God.

01:45:52.000 I'm frozen in the pose, me and my one friend.

01:45:54.000 Like, you're not supposed to do.

01:45:56.000 We run, and we're in our...

01:45:59.000 Ah!

01:46:00.000 Ah!

01:46:01.000 Oh my God.

01:46:02.000 But the bear, thankfully, just by a stroke of luck, this thing was so fat and tired, at the end of September, he just wanted to go down low, get some more berries, and take a snooze.

01:46:14.000 He was not interested in us at all.

01:46:16.000 He was just...

01:46:17.000 Oh, you're so lucky.

01:46:18.000 So lucky.

01:46:18.000 But I swear to God, it was from me to the end of this table.

01:46:22.000 Yeah, well, when they're gathering up berries, that's when you're safest.

01:46:26.000 Yeah.

01:46:26.000 They get in their head that that's what they want to eat, and they eat a lot of berries.

01:46:29.000 Right.

01:46:30.000 He did not, he was not interested. 1.00

01:46:32.000 Dude, fuck all that, man. 1.00

01:46:34.000 So close. 1.00

01:46:34.000 Fuck those animals. 1.00

01:46:37.000 There's another... 1.00

01:46:38.000 I mean, I love that they're there. 0.93

01:46:40.000 I think it's cool, but goddammit, they scared the shit out of me. 0.52

01:46:43.000 There's a video of these guys. 0.92

01:46:44.000 They're hanging out by this river, and they have like a little lawn chair, and this bear, this enormous grizzly bear, just walks up and sits down next to them.

01:46:53.000 Have you seen that one, Jamie?

01:46:55.000 Close encounter with grizzly bear casually walks up to people.

01:47:00.000 And they just had to talk to him. 0.92

01:47:01.000 They're like, hey man, get the fuck out of here. 0.94

01:47:02.000 And the bear just gets up and leaves. 0.88

01:47:04.000 But I mean, he's like a school bus.

01:47:06.000 Yeah, it's like a minivan.

01:47:08.000 I always describe it like a minivan.

01:47:09.000 Did you find one?

01:47:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:47:11.000 This is it.

01:47:12.000 This is it.

01:47:12.000 Look at this.

01:47:12.000 Look at this!

01:47:14.000 Wow.

01:47:15.000 Look at the size of this.

01:47:17.000 It just sat next to his chair.

01:47:19.000 Just pulls up to his chair.

01:47:21.000 What a beautiful animal, though.

01:47:23.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:47:23.000 Oh, man, they're gorgeous. 0.92

01:47:25.000 What are you supposed to do if that's you? 1.00

01:47:27.000 You can't do shit. 1.00

01:47:28.000 Can't do shit. 1.00

01:47:30.000 Because, look, you don't want to provoke it. 1.00

01:47:32.000 No.

01:47:33.000 You definitely don't want to back up.

01:47:34.000 That thing is just chasing salmon right now. 0.99

01:47:36.000 Yeah, you don't want to yell at it.

01:47:38.000 Yeah, as long as it doesn't think you're a threat. 1.00

01:47:41.000 They're really dumb, right? 1.00

01:47:43.000 In their mind... 1.00

01:47:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:47:44.000 I mean, not dumb like... 0.97

01:47:45.000 No. 1.00

01:47:46.000 I mean, dumb like if they were a person, they'd be retarded. 1.00

01:47:49.000 Right. 1.00

01:47:49.000 They're like... 1.00

01:47:54.000 They're simple. 0.89

01:47:55.000 They're predators.

01:47:56.000 They get in their head.

01:47:57.000 What they want to do...

01:47:58.000 Oh my god, he's just sitting down!

01:48:00.000 This is awesome.

01:48:02.000 He just decided to chill.

01:48:03.000 What a clear shot.

01:48:05.000 Look at his claws. 0.70

01:48:07.000 One swipe.

01:48:09.000 Your face is off.

01:48:11.000 The guy who's filming this is 10 feet away from him.

01:48:15.000 He's right there!

01:48:16.000 And he eventually talks to him.

01:48:17.000 He's like, hey, get out of here.

01:48:18.000 Like, the bear looks at him like, baby, I'll eat you.

01:48:22.000 Hey, guys.

01:48:22.000 Watch this.

01:48:26.000 Look how close it is.

01:48:28.000 The bear looks like a little annoyed for a second.

01:48:31.000 Dude, the thing just wandered towards him.

01:48:33.000 Seriously, oh my god, they're everywhere!

01:48:36.000 Oh my god!

01:48:37.000 Oh my god, now I don't even feel bad for that guy.

01:48:40.000 Back that up.

01:48:41.000 Like, watch how they go to the river.

01:48:42.000 Yeah.

01:48:43.000 This guy's sitting with a lawn chair by the river while one, two, let's see, three, four, five, six, and that one, seven.

01:48:52.000 Oh my god!

01:48:54.000 Oh my god, there's a dozen bears!

01:48:56.000 There's a dozen massive grizzly bears.

01:48:59.000 Oh my god, I'm so scared.

01:49:02.000 Oh my god, there's more!

01:49:03.000 Look at those other two! 0.96

01:49:04.000 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, oh my god.

01:49:08.000 How funny if you pull back and the guy with the camera is a bear.

01:49:15.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:49:17.000 That's amazing.

01:49:18.000 Oh my god.

01:49:19.000 They're the coolest animal.

01:49:21.000 That's my favorite animal. 0.99

01:49:22.000 Pretty goddamn cool until they're eating you. 0.96

01:49:23.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:49:24.000 And not so cool.

01:49:25.000 No.

01:49:26.000 Yeah, well, they're so cool to look at.

01:49:28.000 They are.

01:49:29.000 They're so cool to look at.

01:49:29.000 When they get up...

01:49:31.000 Have you ever eaten bear?

01:49:33.000 No.

01:49:34.000 It's good.

01:49:35.000 Brown bear is not so good.

01:49:37.000 Those are not so good.

01:49:38.000 They're mostly predators.

01:49:40.000 But black bear, they eat a lot of berries.

01:49:44.000 It's traditional.

01:49:46.000 Hunters have been eating bear forever.

01:49:48.000 I thought when people went to hunt bear, before I became a hunter, I was like, why would you want to shoot a bear? 1.00

01:49:53.000 That's kind of stupid. 1.00

01:49:54.000 It's gross. 1.00

01:49:55.000 I thought of it like trophy hunting. 0.94

01:49:58.000 Like someone who goes out and Kills a rhino or something like that.

01:50:01.000 Like, ah, why are you doing that, man?

01:50:02.000 You're just doing that to stuff that thing or something?

01:50:04.000 Yeah.

01:50:05.000 But, no.

01:50:06.000 They eat them.

01:50:07.000 Who turns you on to eating a bear?

01:50:09.000 I mean, to hunting a bear.

01:50:10.000 My friend Cameron Haynes is a bow hunter.

01:50:12.000 Oh, yeah?

01:50:12.000 Yeah, he's like, they taste good.

01:50:15.000 Don't listen to anybody.

01:50:16.000 He's like, everybody has this idea in their head that you don't eat them.

01:50:18.000 He goes, that's not true.

01:50:19.000 Up in Canada, in particular.

01:50:20.000 Like, where we hunt.

01:50:21.000 It's traditional.

01:50:22.000 Every year, people go out hunting bear in Alberta.

01:50:26.000 Really?

01:50:26.000 They're delicious, man.

01:50:27.000 The way I describe it, it's like a deer and a pig.

01:50:29.000 It's like a combination of deer and pig. 0.98

01:50:31.000 Deer and pig.

01:50:32.000 Yeah.

01:50:32.000 It's an interesting...

01:50:33.000 It's almost got, like, kind of a beefy flavor.

01:50:35.000 They make roasts out of them and all these different things.

01:50:38.000 Jeez.

01:50:38.000 And they have to keep the population down because they don't have any predators.

01:50:42.000 So there's massive numbers of them, and they slaughter the moose and the deer.

01:50:46.000 So people up there who prize moose and deer, which is really important for their food, that's most of what they eat.

01:50:53.000 Right.

01:50:53.000 Yeah, I've heard of people hunting moose.

01:50:55.000 I never heard of people hunting bear.

01:50:56.000 Yeah, there's a lot of bear hunting.

01:50:58.000 A lot of spring and fall bear hunting.

01:51:00.000 Apparently fall is the best because when they eat berries, especially blueberries, they actually get a blueberry tint to their fat.

01:51:07.000 Oh, really?

01:51:08.000 And their meat smells sweet.

01:51:10.000 Oh, interesting.

01:51:12.000 Well, that's really weird, but your body, like, those grizzlies are bad to eat because they're eating raw fish and rotten fish all the time.

01:51:19.000 They eat, like, carcasses.

01:51:21.000 Like, if you eat a bear that's been eating, like, a dead moose, like if a moose gets killed and you just eat the carcass, it tastes terrible.

01:51:28.000 So you are what you eat, and you can apply that to yourself.

01:51:31.000 Your body literally is built up, as we were talking about earlier, of the nutrients that you put in it, the food that you put in it, your dietary choices.

01:51:38.000 That's the same thing with bears.

01:51:40.000 So these black bears that are living up there, they're mostly eating...

01:51:44.000 Look, when they get a chance, they eat a lot of fawns, like deer fawns and calves, moose calves.

01:51:50.000 And occasionally, they can eat an actual deer, like if a deer breaks its leg or fucks up.

01:51:55.000 Most of the time, deer can get away when they're full grown.

01:51:57.000 But the ones that eat the berries, they're delicious.

01:52:00.000 And this is like a...

01:52:01.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:52:02.000 Is that the same guy?

01:52:03.000 That's a picture from the place I looked it up.

01:52:05.000 It's called the McNeil State Sanctuary in Alaska.

01:52:07.000 Oh, my God.

01:52:08.000 No one has apparently ever died there.

01:52:10.000 But all these bears come and for three months they gather and just gorge on salmon.

01:52:14.000 So they're not even looking for that.

01:52:16.000 Oh, okay.

01:52:16.000 That's amazing.

01:52:18.000 See, that's one of the cool things about those bears when they're in those situations.

01:52:21.000 Like, they just have it in their head.

01:52:22.000 Like, okay, we're just eating fish now.

01:52:23.000 I'm eating fish.

01:52:24.000 Look at how many of them there are.

01:52:26.000 That's amazing.

01:52:26.000 We're looking at a photograph, and Jamie, where'd you find this photo?

01:52:29.000 I just googled McNeil animals.

01:52:32.000 So there's, in this image, there's 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 bears just in this one photo.

01:52:44.000 Jeez.

01:52:45.000 And they're giant.

01:52:46.000 That is the coolest.

01:52:48.000 Giant grizzlies.

01:52:49.000 Kodiak is the weirdest place, man.

01:52:51.000 Because Kodiak is an island, but it has the biggest brown bears in the world.

01:52:56.000 It says they're brown bears, though, too.

01:52:57.000 Is that where...

01:52:57.000 Brown bears and grizzlies are the same thing.

01:52:59.000 Is that where Grizzly Man bought it?

01:53:00.000 Yeah.

01:53:00.000 That was Kodiak?

01:53:01.000 No, he bought it in Alaska.

01:53:03.000 He bought it in a place called the Grizzly Maze, which is a place where...

01:53:08.000 What is he eating there? 1.00

01:53:09.000 Dumb place to go. 0.99

01:53:10.000 Is that a fish? 1.00

01:53:11.000 Yeah.

01:53:12.000 It's a piece of fish.

01:53:12.000 It looks like crab.

01:53:13.000 But Google the giant bears of Kodiak, because they're the most enormous grizzly bears, or brown bears, rather, in the world.

01:53:22.000 When they're on the coast, they call them brown bears.

01:53:24.000 When they're interior, they call them grizzly bears.

01:53:26.000 That's the difference.

01:53:27.000 It's the same exact animal.

01:53:29.000 That's a dead one.

01:53:30.000 Look at the size of that thing.

01:53:31.000 Jeez, that's massive.

01:53:32.000 Whoa! 1.00

01:53:33.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:53:36.000 Is that fake? 1.00

01:53:37.000 I think that's a trained bear, actually.

01:53:39.000 Yeah, the guy.

01:53:40.000 I see the guy.

01:53:41.000 But I think that's a trained bear.

01:53:42.000 I think that's like a movie bear.

01:53:44.000 Look at that one down there.

01:53:45.000 Look at that one right below with the guy standing there with a rifle.

01:53:48.000 Above and to the right.

01:53:50.000 Above and to the right.

01:53:53.000 Yeah, look at that. 1.00

01:53:54.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:53:55.000 Look at his feet. 1.00

01:53:56.000 Look at the size of that thing.

01:53:58.000 Look how big his feet are.

01:53:59.000 And you know what's crazy?

01:54:01.000 There was a bear that was way bigger than that called the short-faced bear that we brought up the other day that was apparently the most fearsome predator in North America up until like 11,000 years ago.

01:54:13.000 Look at that thing running.

01:54:15.000 What?

01:54:16.000 That is so wild.

01:54:18.000 It's so crazy that this being exists.

01:54:21.000 I know.

01:54:22.000 You know, because if you didn't have bears, if they weren't real, and then it was in a movie, you'd be like, imagine if those things were running around.

01:54:30.000 But they really are running around, and we just get so used to them.

01:54:34.000 When you hike in the backcountry like that, you have to put all your food in these containers, these black containers.

01:54:39.000 And hang them.

01:54:40.000 Yeah, the first time I did it, I was like, I had all this food and it's like, so you just put it in a bag and you hang it up there.

01:54:47.000 They're like, no, you put it in these cylinders.

01:54:52.000 You don't even have to hang them.

01:54:53.000 You can just get them out of the way because they're just completely sealed.

01:54:56.000 Right.

01:54:56.000 But the amount of food you can fit in that is like...

01:54:58.000 You'd have to bring all packs of stuff.

01:55:01.000 Yeah.

01:55:01.000 It has to be so small.

01:55:03.000 You have to live so small because they just come. 0.56

01:55:06.000 And sometimes you're in your tent and you just hear... 1.00

01:55:08.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:55:12.000 Well, they have dehydrated food and freeze-dried food. 1.00

01:55:16.000 And freeze-dried food is you just add certain hot water to it, but dehydrated gets really, really small.

01:55:22.000 Right.

01:55:22.000 So you can pack a lot of food into a very small area, and you just have to figure out how to add water to it.

01:55:27.000 It's got to be amazing.

01:55:28.000 I haven't done it in probably 12 years.

01:55:31.000 The amount of improvement that must have gone on in those 12 years has got to be mind-blowing.

01:55:36.000 From the food?

01:55:36.000 Yeah.

01:55:37.000 Just going into the camping section must be like a whole futuristic thing now.

01:55:41.000 I think the big improvement is dehydration versus freeze-drying.

01:55:45.000 Right.

01:55:45.000 As far as like space.

01:55:47.000 Yeah.

01:55:47.000 How much space that you save.

01:55:49.000 So when you see a bear and you're there with your little bow and arrow... 1.00

01:55:52.000 Yeah, you're fucked. 1.00

01:55:53.000 Are you... 1.00

01:55:54.000 Not good.

01:55:55.000 Are you scared?

01:55:56.000 Oh yeah, for sure, man. 1.00

01:55:58.000 Yeah, if you see bears, you should be fucking nervous as shit. 0.99

01:56:02.000 I mean, most likely they're not going to come get you, but they might. 0.99

01:56:06.000 If you miss, like if you hit it in its knee, will he be pissed and come get you?

01:56:10.000 Perhaps.

01:56:11.000 Most likely they'll run away.

01:56:12.000 Right.

01:56:13.000 Most likely.

01:56:15.000 I know a guy who knows a guy whose friend was attacked.

01:56:19.000 There's several steps removed.

01:56:23.000 That's how you know it's a good story, though.

01:56:24.000 First hunting trip ever.

01:56:26.000 I think they were hunting for deer.

01:56:27.000 He's in his tent, and he gets mauled in his tent by a 500-pound predatory black bear.

01:56:34.000 500 pounds?

01:56:35.000 I didn't think they got that big.

01:56:36.000 Oh, they get bigger than that.

01:56:37.000 Do they really?

01:56:38.000 Oh, yeah.

01:56:39.000 Yeah.

01:56:39.000 I thought black bear were like the small bear to the...

01:56:42.000 No, they're sometimes small, but that's when they're juvenile.

01:56:45.000 Like, they have a hardscrabble life, man.

01:56:46.000 Most of them get eaten as cubs and other bears.

01:56:49.000 Bears are cannibals. 0.87

01:56:51.000 Oh, really?

01:56:51.000 Yeah, especially black bears.

01:56:52.000 They eat each other?

01:56:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:56:53.000 Well, brown bears, too, but black bears get enormous.

01:56:56.000 A friend of mine just killed one that was eight and a half feet tall.

01:57:00.000 Jeez.

01:57:01.000 Yeah, look at this picture.

01:57:02.000 I'm going to show you a picture.

01:57:03.000 And you're going to go, what?

01:57:07.000 Look at the size of that.

01:57:08.000 That's a black bear.

01:57:09.000 Whoa, that's big.

01:57:11.000 Eight and a half feet.

01:57:12.000 We're 8 foot 3 inches.

01:57:14.000 So you're deep in the woods. 1.00

01:57:16.000 You kill this thing.

01:57:17.000 How do you get it out of there? 1.00

01:57:19.000 Well, you gotta cut it up.

01:57:20.000 You cut it up and you pack it out.

01:57:22.000 Yeah, you have to.

01:57:22.000 There's no other way.

01:57:24.000 Unless you have a large SUV or something that you can drag it into.

01:57:28.000 But you're walking in.

01:57:29.000 Yeah, if you're walking in, you're gonna have to pack that out. 0.98

01:57:32.000 Jeez.

01:57:33.000 Do you take his head?

01:57:35.000 You take everything.

01:57:36.000 Take it all.

01:57:37.000 Yeah, if you're going to kill an animal, I think you should take everything. 0.84

01:57:40.000 Right.

01:57:41.000 You should take all the meat, for sure, and these skulls that you see, like that deer, that moose, and the deer over there, and the elk that's out there, those are all, I mean...

01:57:54.000 Right.

01:57:54.000 It becomes, like, I don't want to say a decoration, because it's way more powerful than that.

01:58:01.000 Like, if I had to choose, like, anything to keep in this room, it would be the skulls.

01:58:05.000 Like, if they're like, you could take a couple things in this room, everything else is to go.

01:58:08.000 I'm like, I'm not letting these skulls go to waste.

01:58:11.000 It's just, it means too much as far as, like...

01:58:13.000 Right.

01:58:14.000 There's a spiritual level, too.

01:58:15.000 A connection.

01:58:18.000 It's like these animals, there's a bunch of things that happens.

01:58:22.000 You eat them, you shoot them, you eat them, they become food, you have friends over.

01:58:27.000 I'm going to give you some elk when you leave. 0.90

01:58:29.000 I've got a freezer back there.

01:58:31.000 Really?

01:58:32.000 Yeah.

01:58:33.000 It's delicious.

01:58:33.000 You'll love it.

01:58:34.000 Can you dunk your bread in it?

01:58:37.000 You can make elk burgers with your sourdough bread.

01:58:41.000 But I feel like there's a responsibility.

01:58:43.000 You're the caretaker of their skulls, if that makes any sense.

01:58:47.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:58:47.000 This is right when vegans shoot themselves. 0.97

01:58:50.000 I can't take this anymore.

01:58:51.000 What do you got there, Jamie?

01:58:52.000 The biggest black bear they found weighed up to 900 pounds, I think, was in Wisconsin.

01:58:57.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:58:58.000 Look at the size of that fucking thing. 0.99

01:59:00.000 Bear expert Jeff Traska saw Ted in Ted's lifelong Wisconsin home and estimated him at over 900 pounds. 0.99

01:59:08.000 Ted then went into hibernation and lost weight over winter, 20% loss.

01:59:12.000 80 and 120 pounds.

01:59:14.000 Ted arrived here at the North American Bear Center in 2007. He still had a huge belly.

01:59:19.000 He weighed 860 pounds.

01:59:23.000 So they captured him?

01:59:24.000 Is that what happened?

01:59:26.000 Geez.

01:59:26.000 Wasn't there a real popular bear that just got shot in Yellowstone?

01:59:30.000 Yeah, he got shot outside of Yellowstone by a poacher.

01:59:34.000 It was a poacher?

01:59:35.000 Yeah, it was a bear that was dying already anyway.

01:59:38.000 He'd lost 50% of his body weight.

01:59:40.000 He was all scarred up.

01:59:41.000 He was like, people knew him.

01:59:43.000 He was a legendary bear.

01:59:44.000 Yeah, he apparently had scars all over him.

01:59:47.000 That's how you could tell what he looked like from fighting with other bears.

01:59:49.000 His face was just ripped apart.

01:59:51.000 A lot of marriage.

01:59:52.000 Right, fellas?

01:59:53.000 Love and marriage.

01:59:55.000 Love and marriage.

01:59:57.000 Get your shine box, Mia.

02:00:03.000 You and Polanski can hit the skids.

02:00:05.000 That's another thing I'm doing this summer.

02:00:07.000 I'm going to Yellowstone.

02:00:08.000 I haven't been to Yellowstone since I was a kid.

02:00:10.000 Oh, man.

02:00:11.000 I'm going.

02:00:11.000 I can't wait.

02:00:12.000 I hope we see some wolves. 0.99

02:00:13.000 That'd be the coolest shit ever. 0.99

02:00:14.000 It's the coolest. 0.99

02:00:16.000 Yeah.

02:00:17.000 I saw wolves, moose, and bison.

02:00:22.000 When did you go?

02:00:24.000 When my wife and I were dating, first started dating, which would be 18 years ago now, on a motorcycle.

02:00:32.000 Wow.

02:00:33.000 You went to Yeltsin? 1.00

02:00:34.000 You fucking rebel. 1.00

02:00:35.000 Cross country for five weeks. 1.00

02:00:37.000 Wild ass fucking professional comedian. 1.00

02:00:39.000 You must have thrilled her. 1.00

02:00:41.000 Like, I found a real man. 0.99

02:00:43.000 A wild man with a motorcycle wants to fucking go chase down a moose. 0.99

02:00:46.000 I don't want to stay here. 0.99

02:00:47.000 Let's go to the Days Inn.

02:00:48.000 That was me, not her.

02:00:51.000 Did she want to camp on top of a rock?

02:00:54.000 But we camped.

02:00:55.000 We did a lot of Days Inns across the country, but when we got to the Tetons and Yellowstone, we camped.

02:01:00.000 Oh.

02:01:01.000 And man, in the tent and looking across this field at just early morning, like 5 a.m., just watching bison do their thing.

02:01:11.000 Wow.

02:01:12.000 And you just woke up there, too.

02:01:14.000 Yeah.

02:01:15.000 It's amazing.

02:01:16.000 You know what's so cool about that?

02:01:17.000 That that park is essentially the same way it was a hundred years ago.

02:01:21.000 Amazing.

02:01:21.000 Like you're sitting there and these animals are living.

02:01:24.000 Look at that.

02:01:24.000 Yeah.

02:01:25.000 It's near Old Faithful.

02:01:26.000 Oh, it's the greatest.

02:01:27.000 What amazing animals bisons are. 0.99

02:01:30.000 Incredible. 1.00

02:01:31.000 I mean, just they don't even look real with their crazy beards and their big stupid heads. 1.00

02:01:35.000 And their high heels. 1.00

02:01:36.000 Yeah.

02:01:37.000 Yeah, right?

02:01:38.000 Like, if you're gonna have an animal that big, why would it have feet so little?

02:01:42.000 A little dainty girl feet. 0.99

02:01:43.000 Like, Chinese foot binding and shit for giant bison. 0.99

02:01:47.000 He's got a Thelonious monk goatee. 0.99

02:01:50.000 What is the color of that ground, Jamie?

02:01:53.000 Why is it so orange like that?

02:01:55.000 Yeah, but go back to that picture with the bison.

02:01:57.000 Oh, the sulfur, right?

02:01:57.000 Is that what it is?

02:01:58.000 Probably.

02:01:58.000 God, it's so beautiful.

02:02:00.000 That's so crazy looking.

02:02:02.000 Oh, it's the craziest.

02:02:04.000 Crazy that that is a volcano that just has like a leaky spot.

02:02:09.000 It's so amazing.

02:02:10.000 I went when I was a kid.

02:02:12.000 And there are lesser geysers as you go around, you know, it's not just faithful.

02:02:15.000 Yeah.

02:02:16.000 But it's a giant volcano.

02:02:17.000 They have something like 2,000 earthquakes a year there, maybe even more.

02:02:22.000 Oh yeah, those little baby ones.

02:02:24.000 Is that a wolf?

02:02:25.000 That's a wolf.

02:02:26.000 That population came roaring back, too.

02:02:28.000 That is really successful.

02:02:30.000 They brought them back.

02:02:31.000 It wasn't that they came back.

02:02:34.000 They brought wolves from North America, from Canada, rather.

02:02:38.000 They're different.

02:02:39.000 Oh, they are?

02:02:40.000 Yeah, they're larger.

02:02:41.000 They're larger wolves.

02:02:42.000 Larger gray wolves from North America.

02:02:45.000 I keep saying that.

02:02:46.000 From Canada. 1.00

02:02:46.000 Look at that little cute fucker. 1.00

02:02:48.000 Hey, what was that guy? 1.00

02:02:49.000 Is that a white fox?

02:02:50.000 Don't forget about me, fellas.

02:02:51.000 What is he?

02:02:52.000 A weasel?

02:02:53.000 Yeah, the band's a big deal, but I'm a big guy, too.

02:02:55.000 Look how cute.

02:02:56.000 Hey, look at me. 1.00

02:02:56.000 Hey, fucker. 1.00

02:02:58.000 Hey, you fucker, you got a sandwich for me? 1.00

02:03:01.000 That's a white weasel. 1.00

02:03:03.000 God, he's so adorable.

02:03:04.000 Yeah, take a look at me.

02:03:06.000 Isn't it funny that's a little murderer?

02:03:08.000 Right, exactly.

02:03:09.000 A little scavenger. 1.00

02:03:10.000 If a rabbit sees that, he's like, fuck! 1.00

02:03:13.000 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 1.00

02:03:18.000 What the hell are you doing? 1.00

02:03:20.000 Ferrets are illegal in California, but pit bulls aren't. 1.00

02:03:23.000 Fuck the bears. 1.00

02:03:24.000 Come hang out with me. 1.00

02:03:25.000 Listen, we're gonna be in this log.

02:03:28.000 We're fine.

02:03:29.000 The bear don't even know we're alive. 0.99

02:03:31.000 They're practically retarded. 1.00

02:03:36.000 There was a photo, a cute little bear cub. 0.98

02:03:38.000 There was a photo that I had on my Instagram page of a bear with a groundhog in its mouth.

02:03:45.000 Like, completely in its mouth.

02:03:47.000 With just, like, the feet are poking out at the end. 0.99

02:03:50.000 And you're like, oh, these fucking things are so big. 0.99

02:03:53.000 They're just eating machines, man. 0.99

02:03:55.000 This is all day.

02:03:57.000 You know, it's my new animal.

02:03:59.000 I saw a documentary.

02:04:01.000 Bears are my main animal, but...

02:04:04.000 This year's animal is the beaver.

02:04:07.000 Beavers?

02:04:08.000 Cool.

02:04:08.000 Holy cow.

02:04:09.000 Those things are amazing. 1.00

02:04:11.000 What a weird fucking animal too, huh? 1.00

02:04:12.000 Weird! 1.00

02:04:13.000 That weird ass tail. 0.98

02:04:14.000 Just going to work. 1.00

02:04:16.000 Nasty ass buck teeth. 1.00

02:04:17.000 Changing river flows. 1.00

02:04:19.000 They stuck some beavers in Nevada and they brought back a whole region just because they manage the water. 1.00

02:04:26.000 They do some weird shit, man. 0.99

02:04:28.000 They all have a weird place. 0.99

02:04:29.000 That's one of the coolest things about nature is these weird places that every animal has in the system.

02:04:34.000 Yeah.

02:04:35.000 These things are amazing.

02:04:37.000 They just go in and just go to town.

02:04:39.000 They change the whole bottom of the lake and the river.

02:04:42.000 They just take all of the wood and they stick with their family.

02:04:45.000 They're very family-oriented animals.

02:04:47.000 What a strange animal that regularly chews down trees and builds structures.

02:04:52.000 I know.

02:04:52.000 Like, what?

02:04:53.000 Just constant.

02:04:54.000 What other animals like that?

02:04:55.000 None.

02:04:56.000 Sorry, none.

02:04:56.000 This guy just goes to work with his face.

02:04:59.000 But how does he know?

02:05:00.000 How does he know to chop down that tree?

02:05:02.000 That's what he does.

02:05:02.000 I'm a beaver.

02:05:03.000 That's what I do, buddy. 1.00

02:05:05.000 I'm a fucking beaver. 1.00

02:05:06.000 I chew. 1.00

02:05:08.000 What asshole saw that and thought that'd be a good nickname for a pussy? 1.00

02:05:12.000 Right, exactly. 1.00

02:05:14.000 Let me see your beaver.

02:05:15.000 Let me see your beaver.

02:05:17.000 What is it?

02:05:18.000 Oh, there's one down there.

02:05:19.000 There was one.

02:05:20.000 There was one down there. 1.00

02:05:21.000 Damn it. 1.00

02:05:21.000 This is why you can't look shit up with your kids. 1.00

02:05:24.000 Oh, that's not the kind of beaver we're looking for, honey. 0.99

02:05:46.000 Yeah, you smell too.

02:05:51.000 You could shower or bathe in the river.

02:05:53.000 You don't.

02:05:54.000 Go down the stream.

02:05:54.000 Whoa, look at that wolverine.

02:05:56.000 That's a wolverine?

02:05:57.000 Yeah.

02:05:58.000 You don't want to see that?

02:05:59.000 Yeah, you do.

02:06:00.000 They don't really have people.

02:06:00.000 Where are they?

02:06:02.000 They're like in Austria? 1.00

02:06:03.000 What in the fuck? 1.00

02:06:04.000 Look at his face. 1.00

02:06:05.000 No, they're in America.

02:06:06.000 What?

02:06:06.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:06:08.000 Like in Yosemite?

02:06:09.000 Oh, guaranteed.

02:06:10.000 They have some wolverines out there.

02:06:11.000 Oh, look at that.

02:06:12.000 Look at those teeth. 0.56

02:06:13.000 Ferocious little animal, man.

02:06:14.000 How big is that?

02:06:16.000 I don't think they get that big.

02:06:17.000 I think they're like 50 pounds or something. 1.00

02:06:19.000 Oh, look at this asshole kid. 1.00

02:06:20.000 Jesus fucking Christ, kid! 1.00

02:06:22.000 Oh, it's on a leash. 1.00

02:06:23.000 He's on a leash.

02:06:24.000 How's that Wolverine on a leash?

02:06:25.000 I don't want to see that.

02:06:26.000 That thing looks gross. 0.94

02:06:27.000 Oh, it's a beast. 0.98

02:06:29.000 It's got like a sloth body and a... 0.99

02:06:31.000 Aw, come on. 0.96

02:06:32.000 Look at this one.

02:06:33.000 Messed up face.

02:06:34.000 Got a couple of them that he's holding on to.

02:06:35.000 They're adorable.

02:06:38.000 They're adorable.

02:06:39.000 I don't like him.

02:06:40.000 You don't?

02:06:41.000 No.

02:06:41.000 They're in the weasel family, apparently.

02:06:43.000 I like a nice beaver.

02:06:44.000 A nice laid-back guy.

02:06:46.000 He's got a tail.

02:06:47.000 He has little teeth.

02:06:47.000 He goes to work.

02:06:48.000 He can't really talk to you.

02:06:49.000 He's working on his projects.

02:06:51.000 You prefer the animals.

02:06:52.000 They're non-threatening.

02:06:53.000 No, but I love the bear.

02:06:55.000 The bear is my main animal.

02:06:57.000 I think wolves, too.

02:06:58.000 I think wolf would be like... 0.99

02:07:00.000 If I could see a pack of wolf take out a deer, I think that would be the coolest shit to see. 0.99

02:07:05.000 This is why we've got to go to Africa. 1.00

02:07:06.000 We're going to see so much shit. 0.99

02:07:08.000 We're going to see a lot of stuff. 1.00

02:07:10.000 You think?

02:07:11.000 A lot of stuff.

02:07:12.000 What are you going to say?

02:07:12.000 Everything eating everything.

02:07:14.000 There's going to be lions eating bears, eating zebras.

02:07:17.000 No bears.

02:07:18.000 There's going to be lions eating zebras. 1.00

02:07:20.000 There's going to be giraffes being ripped apart. 0.57

02:07:22.000 Yeah.

02:07:23.000 This is going to put everything in perspective.

02:07:25.000 How long is the flight?

02:07:27.000 Going through Amsterdam from New York.

02:07:30.000 I'm going to go to New York first.

02:07:32.000 Then I'm going to go from there to Amsterdam to Tanzania.

02:07:34.000 And that's like, I think a 16 hour ordeal.

02:07:39.000 With a stop, though?

02:07:41.000 From LA to...

02:07:42.000 What is this, Jamie?

02:07:44.000 LA to New York is five.

02:07:46.000 Oh my god, they're getting chased by a giraffe.

02:07:48.000 Look at the girl's face. 1.00

02:07:50.000 She's fucking panicking. 1.00

02:07:51.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:07:52.000 They really are getting chased, too. 1.00

02:07:53.000 That's legit.

02:07:55.000 What do they do when they catch up to you?

02:07:57.000 They spit on you?

02:07:57.000 No, they swing their heads like a weapon.

02:08:01.000 Swing your head at me, I'll knock you the fuck out. 1.00

02:08:02.000 How about that? 1.00

02:08:04.000 I'm riding one of those things.

02:08:06.000 So I keep telling my kids, I am riding a giraffe.

02:08:09.000 Like, Dad, you can't ride giraffes.

02:08:10.000 Don't try.

02:08:11.000 You can do it.

02:08:12.000 I'm going to do it.

02:08:14.000 Especially wild ones.

02:08:15.000 Mom, tell them you can't ride a giraffe. 1.00

02:08:17.000 Did they really argue about that?

02:08:18.000 Yeah, they did.

02:08:20.000 So we keep it going, of course.

02:08:22.000 I have a picture.

02:08:22.000 We were at the San Diego Zoo recently, or the Santa Barbara Zoo.

02:08:25.000 That's a good one.

02:08:27.000 Giraffes are one of the few animals, I actually had a bit about this in my act, they're one of the few animals that I think are better off in captivity. 0.99

02:08:33.000 Because they don't give a fuck. 0.97

02:08:35.000 Other animals look so sad, but giraffes are like, another day with no lions. 0.99

02:08:40.000 And they just wander around.

02:08:42.000 They don't seem to mind at all.

02:08:43.000 Their behavior is so predictable that they let babies feed them.

02:08:48.000 Right.

02:08:49.000 You can hold up a piece of leaf and a baby will come over and take it from the baby.

02:08:56.000 No, they're just really chilled out animals. 0.99

02:09:00.000 But, here's the other thing, but they're fucking mean to other giraffes. 1.00

02:09:05.000 They fight to the death. 1.00

02:09:06.000 They beat the shit out of each other with those lumps on the top of their heads. 0.99

02:09:09.000 Yeah, they swing it. 0.98

02:09:10.000 And one of the other things they do, they keep food away from younger giraffes, and the way they do it is they eat all the low-hanging leaves, and they do it to try to purposely starve out other giraffes. 0.89

02:09:23.000 Really? 0.99

02:09:23.000 Yeah, it's kind of fucked up, man. 0.99

02:09:25.000 They're arrogant. 1.00

02:09:26.000 Well, they'll eat lower leaves. 0.99

02:09:28.000 Even though they can reach the higher ones, they eat lower leaves.

02:09:31.000 And it's speculated they do it because of competition for food that they want to literally box out these giraffes and let them starve to death. 0.99

02:09:38.000 Jeez.

02:09:38.000 Well, that's the thing.

02:09:39.000 Everything's mean.

02:09:40.000 A friend of mine went.

02:09:41.000 Everything's mean.

02:09:41.000 A friend of mine went, and they have a similar problem that I have, which I have a cat that's just a killing machine.

02:09:48.000 It just kills every day.

02:09:50.000 It's just...

02:09:51.000 Birds.

02:09:51.000 You let it out?

02:09:52.000 Birds, lizards.

02:09:54.000 You can't keep it in.

02:09:55.000 It's a wild night.

02:09:56.000 It just wants to...

02:09:57.000 Non-stop.

02:09:59.000 It's like, I'm going outside, so...

02:10:03.000 So we're kind of freaked out and we're trying to stop it and putting bells on it.

02:10:08.000 And my friend had the same thing with its cat and went to Africa, came back and said, everything eats everything. 0.74

02:10:15.000 I don't care.

02:10:16.000 It put everything in perspective.

02:10:18.000 It's just like, this is how the world works.

02:10:20.000 Well, this is certainly how nature got to 2016. It didn't get to 2016 by everybody just waiting in line for food.

02:10:27.000 Being polite.

02:10:28.000 Yeah, there's a number that they put at house cats, how many animals they kill every year, and just in North America, it's in billions.

02:10:36.000 Billions.

02:10:36.000 Billions in birds and in mammals.

02:10:38.000 Yeah.

02:10:39.000 Billions of birds and billions of mammals. 1.00

02:10:41.000 They're just ruthless little fuckers. 0.99

02:10:42.000 They are, and people are complaining now, they've heard these stats, and they're like, you shouldn't let your Nature's cleanup crew. 1.00

02:10:49.000 That's the way it goes.

02:10:50.000 That's how nature works.

02:10:51.000 Well, if they didn't do that, though, if they didn't have those instincts, honestly, like coyotes, if coyotes weren't out there doing that, if all these animals weren't out there doing that, we would be overrun with rodents, first of all.

02:11:01.000 Yeah.

02:11:01.000 There'd be mice everywhere.

02:11:02.000 You're right.

02:11:02.000 Because there'd be nothing to eat them.

02:11:04.000 If it weren't for birds and hawks and...

02:11:06.000 It'd be like living in the Bronx.

02:11:07.000 We have this issue at our house where we just recently installed this fence in our backyard that's glass.

02:11:15.000 And we used to have a metal fence there, but now it's a glass fence.

02:11:18.000 And the Hawks haven't figured it out yet.

02:11:20.000 So every now and then you hear a thunk!

02:11:23.000 And we'll go outside.

02:11:24.000 What are they coming in for?

02:11:25.000 What do you have there? 1.00

02:11:25.000 They're swooping down to kill shit. 1.00

02:11:27.000 What do you got? 1.00

02:11:27.000 We have chickens. 1.00

02:11:28.000 But they're not killing the chickens.

02:11:29.000 But one did disappear that we can't totally put a finger on what happened to it.

02:11:33.000 Oh, yeah.

02:11:33.000 Could have been a coyote, though.

02:11:35.000 Yeah, that'd be bird on bird.

02:11:36.000 We've seen...

02:11:36.000 But bird on bird's super common.

02:11:38.000 Yeah?

02:11:39.000 Yeah.

02:11:39.000 It's like black on black crime.

02:11:41.000 And no one wants to talk about it.

02:11:43.000 Nobody wants to talk about it, but it happens.

02:11:44.000 But it's real.

02:11:45.000 But a friend of mine was sitting in his backyard, and he watched a hawk come down and scoop up a dove.

02:11:51.000 He said a dove was just sitting there just chilling and all of a sudden...

02:11:53.000 Really?

02:11:55.000 He said it happened like 20 feet from his face. 1.00

02:11:57.000 He was like, what the fuck, man? 1.00

02:11:59.000 This raptor just came down from the sky. 1.00

02:12:03.000 Yeah, they take pets. 0.99

02:12:04.000 But these hawks, they swoop down.

02:12:06.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:12:06.000 You know, when they're looking for things and they're looking to make their approach and they just get K the fuck owed. 0.98

02:12:11.000 Oh, really? 0.98

02:12:12.000 Yeah, and sometimes they die.

02:12:13.000 Like we've had one of them died on us, but one of them we had to take to one of those wildlife...

02:12:20.000 Like, rescue places.

02:12:21.000 Yeah.

02:12:21.000 And they fixed it up and took care of it.

02:12:23.000 And then another one recently got knocked the fuck out, sat there. 0.97

02:12:27.000 It was a pretty big hawk, too. 0.98

02:12:28.000 Yeah.

02:12:28.000 And my wife took video of it, like, hey, buddy, how you doing?

02:12:31.000 You all right?

02:12:32.000 Back up, girls. 1.00

02:12:33.000 And after she took video of it, the thing eventually got ghost and woke the fuck up and flew away. 1.00

02:12:39.000 Do coyotes come after the chickens? 0.88

02:12:41.000 Yeah.

02:12:41.000 Yeah, we lost one pretty recently.

02:12:43.000 I watched it happen.

02:12:44.000 I watched the coyote hop over the fence.

02:12:46.000 Oh, really?

02:12:47.000 Sweet.

02:12:48.000 Hopped over the fence?

02:12:49.000 Hopped over the fence.

02:12:50.000 How high a fence?

02:12:53.000 Six feet.

02:12:54.000 What?

02:12:54.000 Yeah, hopped over it like it was nothing.

02:12:56.000 I mean, just boink, went right over the top.

02:12:59.000 They're super, super agile, man.

02:13:01.000 Like, in a weird way.

02:13:02.000 Like, you're like, wait a minute.

02:13:04.000 I didn't know you could do that.

02:13:05.000 Yeah.

02:13:06.000 I know.

02:13:07.000 It went over that fence like it was nothing.

02:13:09.000 I'm trying to find the video.

02:13:10.000 Here it is.

02:13:11.000 This is the one where my wife was talking to it. 0.99

02:13:13.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

02:13:20.000 Look at it.

02:13:21.000 That's just a hawk.

02:13:22.000 See it in front of the glass fence?

02:13:24.000 Yeah.

02:13:24.000 He's just chilling.

02:13:25.000 It's a big-ass fucking hawk. 1.00

02:13:26.000 It's big. 1.00

02:13:27.000 Yeah, he survived.

02:13:28.000 It looks like you live in the Amazon.

02:13:30.000 It looks like it. 0.99

02:13:31.000 He survived, but he got fucking cracked. 0.99

02:13:33.000 Donk. 0.99

02:13:34.000 Really?

02:13:34.000 Because they just fly at full speed right into this.

02:13:37.000 Donk.

02:13:38.000 Maybe you've got to put some stickers on it or something like you do for your grandma so she doesn't go through the sliding glass door.

02:13:44.000 Put a Marge Simpson picture on it.

02:13:46.000 I just found this video while I was looking for hawks swooping.

02:13:49.000 These people let a little bunny go. 1.00

02:13:51.000 Oh, no, I've seen that.

02:13:53.000 Five seconds later.

02:13:54.000 Yeah, that's awful.

02:13:55.000 Oh, look at the little girl. 1.00

02:13:56.000 Little cute girl with her little bunny rabbit.

02:13:58.000 Oh, no.

02:14:03.000 Where's your mommy? 0.99

02:14:08.000 It's gone.

02:14:10.000 Instantly.

02:14:12.000 Instantly.

02:14:13.000 That thing just flew in. 0.94

02:14:14.000 She's asking where its mommy is, and then a raptor.

02:14:17.000 See, that's...

02:14:18.000 I mean, in some ways, it's cool.

02:14:21.000 In some ways, I think that's beautiful.

02:14:23.000 But in other ways, like, yeah, the baby's cute.

02:14:25.000 But what is it about us where when we look at, like, very small versions of animals...

02:14:30.000 Like, I had a picture the other day that I put up on my Instagram of this giant grizzly bear with her three cubs.

02:14:36.000 Right.

02:14:37.000 I was like, God, look how adorable those little cubs are.

02:14:39.000 They're so beautiful.

02:14:40.000 But what is going on with us where we see these little things?

02:14:44.000 What is cute?

02:14:46.000 Like, in quotes.

02:14:47.000 Like, look at that picture.

02:14:48.000 It's a genetic thing. 0.98

02:14:51.000 It keeps us from wanting to kill them.

02:14:52.000 It's our genes.

02:14:53.000 And also to protect our own.

02:14:55.000 It's also to let them thrive.

02:14:56.000 I mean, you see a baby, you want to protect it.

02:15:01.000 That's why when that Connecticut school shooting was like these tiny kids, like kindergarten, that was such a mind-blowing thing.

02:15:10.000 Because those are the faces we want to protect.

02:15:14.000 It's just the instinct.

02:15:16.000 Yeah, and there's a lot of...

02:15:18.000 Pure instinct. 1.00

02:15:19.000 There's so many crazy fuckers that don't believe that that really happened. 1.00

02:15:22.000 Oh, please. 1.00

02:15:22.000 Have you seen any of that? 1.00

02:15:24.000 The, like, people that, like, think that...

02:15:25.000 The deniers.

02:15:26.000 Yeah, that these, all of these school shootings are, like, false flags.

02:15:30.000 Right.

02:15:30.000 Like, do you really think that you can get all those families to lie about losing their kids?

02:15:35.000 Exactly.

02:15:35.000 Like, These families are all operatives.

02:15:37.000 Yeah.

02:15:38.000 They're all CIA. Please.

02:15:39.000 People are so shitty. 0.98

02:15:41.000 People always talk, always... 0.99

02:15:43.000 There's no way you can organize that many people to keep a secret.

02:15:46.000 But it's just amazing that people actually would believe that.

02:15:50.000 Like, that would be something they would entertain.

02:15:51.000 Well, they're mutants.

02:15:53.000 That's against nature.

02:15:55.000 To see this thing and think not, like, how do we make sure this doesn't happen again when your head goes to, it's a lie, we're going to keep going, please.

02:16:03.000 But there's a weird thing with people.

02:16:05.000 They want to believe that a lot of things are lies.

02:16:07.000 Like, a lot of things.

02:16:09.000 Yeah, because admitting that it happens is admitting that it's chaos. 0.98

02:16:14.000 But there's weird shit going on today. 0.97

02:16:16.000 Like, because of the internet, people have these forums and these YouTube pages where they make up this nonsense. 0.99

02:16:23.000 I know.

02:16:23.000 I saw a guy the other day who's a flat-earth guy, and he had a video about how dinosaurs are a hoax.

02:16:30.000 Uh-huh.

02:16:31.000 2016. Yeah.

02:16:32.000 Video about dinosaurs being a hoax.

02:16:34.000 I'm like, wait a minute, [... 0.99

02:16:37.000 So all these paleontologists for, like, what, 150 years have all been full of shit? 0.99

02:16:42.000 All in on it. 1.00

02:16:43.000 All in on the same story.

02:16:44.000 Generation to generation.

02:16:45.000 Oh, also doesn't believe that satellites are real.

02:16:48.000 Right.

02:16:49.000 Satellites are not real.

02:16:50.000 They're really what's going on.

02:16:51.000 We have planes, and the planes are flying very high, and they stay in orbit, and they're transmitting the signals.

02:16:57.000 Oh, God.

02:16:58.000 Lord.

02:16:59.000 And the world's flat.

02:17:00.000 This is a real problem, though.

02:17:02.000 I mean, because that's the extreme part of it.

02:17:04.000 Like, those people really believe that, and a majority of people do.

02:17:07.000 But, just basic thing, there is no truth.

02:17:10.000 The internet is devouring truth.

02:17:13.000 Sort of.

02:17:13.000 That you can literally have real intelligent people just talking about unemployment rates, just talking about the government, just talking about how the economy's doing.

02:17:23.000 And you can have people saying, it's been lowered to below 5% of unemployment, and other people are saying, no, that is completely wrong, inflating, these numbers are complete.

02:17:34.000 And these are two groups of intelligent people.

02:17:38.000 People with degrees and putting out these facts.

02:17:43.000 It's the same thing as the fish oil thing.

02:17:45.000 It's like, I can look up, any fact you want to bring up, you go on the internet and you'll find the opposite.

02:17:51.000 And not from, like, what looks like crazy people.

02:17:56.000 Yeah.

02:17:56.000 The truth is, I mean, what is the truth anymore?

02:17:59.000 Well, I think right now what's happening is virtually anybody can start a website or a Twitter page or whatever and say anything they want.

02:18:08.000 They don't have to be correct.

02:18:10.000 Right.

02:18:19.000 Right.

02:18:20.000 Right.

02:18:32.000 Information is coming from a bunch of different sources, a lot of them legit, most of them legit, but then some of them that are just really wacky like this, where it gets the sidetrack thing where people just start thinking about chemtrails or thinking about UFO abductions and getting absorbed in it.

02:18:47.000 But I think one of the next stages of disbursement of information is going to be direct brain-to-brain.

02:18:54.000 And I think we're going to share information in some way that is as alien to us as the internet would have been to people that lived 150 years ago. 0.99

02:19:02.000 Like, if you tried to explain Google to someone who lived 150 years ago, they'd be like, you're out of your fucking mind. 0.93

02:19:08.000 That is never going to happen, ever. 0.93

02:19:10.000 But to us, it's like, well, Google it, Jamie.

02:19:12.000 Right.

02:19:12.000 You know, it's like, it becomes normal, right?

02:19:15.000 Well, I think...

02:19:16.000 The next stage of that is you're going to be able to access information that directly comes from someone's mind and Meaning that you're going to be able to share thoughts I think thoughts are going to be they're going to figure out a way to take whatever frequency and whatever signal that a thought is and you're going to be able to condense it and project it and Send it to people and you're going to be able to access other people's thoughts and And you're going to be able to know what's truthful

02:19:46.000 and what's not.

02:19:47.000 It's not going to be a matter of, boy, I hope this guy's telling the truth.

02:19:50.000 You're going to be able to know pretty much instantaneously.

02:19:55.000 I think that's, whether it's 100 years from now or 200 years from now, but all in all, if you look at like...

02:20:01.000 The Roman Empire or, you know, look at like long periods of time where one group dominated one aspect of civilization. 0.98

02:20:09.000 A hundred years ain't shit. 0.96

02:20:10.000 But to us, a hundred years ago, 1916, it's like, might as well be Mars. 0.98

02:20:15.000 They might as well be from another world, you know? 0.95

02:20:19.000 But then go back to your marriage thing of what your wife is thinking when she's having sex with you. 1.00

02:20:24.000 You're gonna know. 0.83

02:20:25.000 You're gonna know.

02:20:25.000 You're gonna see that.

02:20:26.000 And crazy people can send their thoughts just as easily as...

02:20:29.000 No, but you don't necessarily have to share in those thoughts.

02:20:33.000 But I just think that...

02:20:35.000 You'll be able...

02:20:36.000 Look, these are obviously science fiction notions right now, but I think that...

02:20:39.000 Look, when you send a text message to someone, or if you put out a tweet or a Facebook message, you're essentially condensing a thought into some sort of a digital representation of that thought, and then you use the right language, then you send it out there.

02:20:55.000 I think that what's going to happen is it's going to be direct thought to thought.

02:20:59.000 We're going to be able to interpret thoughts.

02:21:01.000 And then we're gonna be able to know whether or not someone is actually being honest or whether they're bullshitting.

02:21:08.000 Right.

02:21:09.000 That'll end our careers.

02:21:12.000 Well, that's what they say.

02:21:13.000 This is an extension of your brain.

02:21:14.000 This is my brain to this brain to your brain.

02:21:17.000 Right.

02:21:17.000 Right?

02:21:17.000 Yeah.

02:21:18.000 So it makes sense that you're going to bridge that gap.

02:21:20.000 That is a bridge, right?

02:21:21.000 Right.

02:21:21.000 It's a bridge to minds and information and ideas.

02:21:25.000 It really is, in a lot of ways.

02:21:26.000 And I think this is just one step.

02:21:28.000 As technology exponentially grows...

02:21:31.000 We're not just going to accept typing things into a glass screen that'll eventually be send and then put it up there.

02:21:38.000 It's going to be more complex.

02:21:39.000 It's going to get better.

02:21:40.000 They're going to figure out new ways to integrate that technology into human bodies.

02:21:45.000 That's going to be really weird, like neural implants and things along those lines.

02:21:48.000 That's going to be really wild.

02:21:49.000 Because when they figured out, like, so you wear glasses, right?

02:21:53.000 One day they're going to say, listen, Tom, You don't have to wear glasses.

02:21:57.000 All we have to do is install one of these new internet neural apps, and once we do do that, you'll be able to see crystal clear.

02:22:04.000 There's a way that this neural app reworks the synapses and changes the way your eyeballs interpret the cones and rods, interpret the world around you, and you're going to be able to change it.

02:22:15.000 Yeah, but I think they look good.

02:22:17.000 Your glasses look awesome.

02:22:19.000 You look smarter.

02:22:20.000 No, it's true.

02:22:21.000 Why do you look smarter when you have glasses?

02:22:23.000 I don't know.

02:22:24.000 Everybody does.

02:22:25.000 Like chicks? 1.00

02:22:25.000 Chicks look way smarter. 1.00

02:22:26.000 Yeah.

02:22:27.000 I don't know why that is.

02:22:29.000 Don't they though?

02:22:30.000 Depends on the glasses.

02:22:32.000 Dudes look like you, you know, like you can't see good.

02:22:35.000 Right.

02:22:37.000 Girls look smarter. 1.00

02:22:38.000 Girls look like glasses. 1.00

02:22:40.000 I don't assume that they have something wrong with their eyes.

02:22:41.000 I assume, oh, she's smart.

02:22:43.000 Right, exactly.

02:22:44.000 She's clever. 0.99

02:22:45.000 But then Sarah Palin fucked all that up. 1.00

02:22:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:22:48.000 She's silly. 1.00

02:22:49.000 Oh. 1.00

02:22:50.000 She had glasses. 1.00

02:22:51.000 Yeah, she's a moron. 1.00

02:22:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:22:52.000 She's as dumb as that bear. 1.00

02:22:54.000 No, but... 1.00

02:22:59.000 She's a Trump supporter.

02:23:00.000 She's a real Trump supporter. 1.00

02:23:03.000 You fucking Trump supporter. 1.00

02:23:05.000 You liberal piece of shit. 1.00

02:23:07.000 Do you think he's going to win? 1.00

02:23:09.000 You know what?

02:23:12.000 I talk to a lot of people who think it's an impossibility, but the further we go down the road, I think he's cunning and I think that it's a real possibility.

02:23:21.000 It's a real possibility, but you know what I think?

02:23:23.000 If I was a conspiracy theorist, but I'm not, I would say that what Donald Trump is doing is making us happy about Hillary Clinton being president.

02:23:33.000 Because it's the only way we're going to be happy about Hillary Clinton being president.

02:23:38.000 Hillary Clinton represents the establishment in about as clear a form as we've ever seen before.

02:23:45.000 Right.

02:23:45.000 No question.

02:23:46.000 Yeah.

02:23:46.000 No, and you know, she's intelligent, and when she was...

02:23:50.000 Secretary of State, both sides liked her. 0.99

02:23:52.000 She was really positive reviews from everybody.

02:23:54.000 But you're right, it's exactly the same old, same old.

02:23:57.000 You ever talk about, or you ever read the Secret Service talk about guarding her?

02:24:01.000 No. 0.76

02:24:02.000 They think she's a sociopath. 1.00

02:24:04.000 They said she's, yeah, they said, first of all, she doesn't thank anyone.

02:24:07.000 And she doesn't talk to them.

02:24:09.000 They guard her 24-7, and she doesn't talk to them. 1.00

02:24:12.000 They say, there's a guy who was one of her secret, I mean, he might be a fucking idiot. 1.00

02:24:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:24:17.000 You know, who knows? 1.00

02:24:18.000 He might be a moron. 1.00

02:24:18.000 This is one guy's report? 1.00

02:24:19.000 Yeah.

02:24:20.000 Right.

02:24:20.000 I think there's more than one.

02:24:21.000 But the reports were that there's something creepy about her.

02:24:26.000 Right.

02:24:26.000 Well, there's something creepy about everybody.

02:24:28.000 That's another problem with the idea that you're going to find one perfect person is so off the charts.

02:24:34.000 I mean, everybody's flawed.

02:24:36.000 Everybody's, you know, especially if you play that game for that long, you're going to be dirty.

02:24:40.000 You're going to be duplicitous.

02:24:41.000 But that's part of what you've got to be.

02:24:43.000 Yeah, that game.

02:24:44.000 It's a dark game.

02:24:45.000 It's a dark game.

02:24:46.000 Did you ever see the video of her talking about Gaddafi?

02:24:49.000 She's laughing.

02:24:50.000 We came, we conquered, he died.

02:24:52.000 Or came, we saw, he died.

02:24:54.000 Really?

02:24:54.000 Yeah, and she's laughing.

02:24:56.000 She's doing an interview, and off-camera, before they interview her, they're rolling the camera while they're talking to her.

02:25:01.000 Right.

02:25:01.000 And she's laughing about Gaddafi dying, and you're like...

02:25:05.000 Wait, what?

02:25:07.000 Hold on.

02:25:07.000 Who's the person that we see that's all measured and calm?

02:25:11.000 Like, that's not you for real?

02:25:12.000 Is that an act?

02:25:13.000 Right, yeah.

02:25:14.000 She was like throwing her head back laughing. 0.96

02:25:17.000 Oh boy.

02:25:17.000 And this is like this really weird way.

02:25:19.000 Like, watch this.

02:25:20.000 Watch this.

02:25:21.000 Hold on.

02:25:21.000 Go all the way from the beginning.

02:25:26.000 We came.

02:25:27.000 We saw.

02:25:28.000 He died.

02:25:30.000 Did it have anything to do with your visit?

02:25:32.000 No.

02:25:33.000 I'm sure it did.

02:25:36.000 Whoa.

02:25:37.000 That's a little weird.

02:25:38.000 Well, it's not just weird.

02:25:39.000 It's strange.

02:25:40.000 What is the Hillary Clinton lying for 13 minutes straight? 1.00

02:25:44.000 What's that about?

02:25:45.000 Play that real quick.

02:25:47.000 But I think what you said is super important.

02:25:50.000 No one's perfect.

02:25:52.000 Yeah.

02:25:52.000 And not only that, this business.

02:25:55.000 Yeah.

02:26:10.000 She's not looking at him.

02:26:14.000 I believe That marriage is not just a bond, but a sacred bond between a man and a woman.

02:26:31.000 2004. I have not supported same-sex marriage.

02:26:36.000 2010. I supported civil partnerships and contractual relationships.

02:26:41.000 I support marriage for lesbian and gay couples.

02:26:44.000 2013. I support it personally and as a matter of policy and law.

02:26:49.000 So you're saying your opinion on gay marriage changed, or you changed your mind.

02:26:54.000 You know, I really, I have to say, I think you are being very persistent, but you are playing with my words and playing with what is such an important issue.

02:27:04.000 I'm just trying to clarify so I can understand.

02:27:04.000 No, I don't think you are trying to clarify.

02:27:06.000 I think you're trying to say that, you know, I used to be opposed and now I'm in favor and I did it for political reasons.

02:27:13.000 And that's just flat wrong.

02:27:14.000 So let me just state what I feel like you are implying and repudiate it.

02:27:18.000 I have a strong record.

02:27:20.000 I have a great record.

02:27:22.000 I have a commitment to this issue, and I am proud of what I've done and the progress we're making.

02:27:27.000 Yeah, I'm saying, I'm sorry, I just want to clarify what I was saying.

02:27:30.000 No, I was saying that you maybe really believed this all along, but, you know, believed in gay marriage all along, but felt for political reasons America wasn't ready yet and you couldn't say it.

02:27:39.000 That's what I was thinking.

02:27:40.000 No, that, no, that is not true.

02:27:42.000 It really is great how long you've supported gay marriage.

02:27:45.000 Yes.

02:27:46.000 I could have supported it sooner.

02:27:48.000 Well, you did it pretty soon.

02:27:51.000 Could have been sooner.

02:27:52.000 Fair point.

02:27:55.000 Okay, I think we've seen enough.

02:27:57.000 But, you know, so... 0.98

02:27:58.000 That's just a liar.

02:28:00.000 No.

02:28:01.000 Really? 0.96

02:28:02.000 That's a liar.

02:28:03.000 Yeah, for sure. 0.99

02:28:04.000 You're lying.

02:28:05.000 But who isn't lying?

02:28:05.000 To Terry Gross, she was lying.

02:28:07.000 Like, in that interview where she was saying that she always supported gay marriage.

02:28:10.000 That it wasn't for...

02:28:11.000 I think old people forget that there's the internet.

02:28:13.000 Yeah.

02:28:15.000 They forget.

02:28:15.000 They forget that when they said something in 2003, there's a videotape of it.

02:28:19.000 You'd much rather hear her just say, yeah, I was against it.

02:28:23.000 I was against it because I didn't think America was ready for it.

02:28:26.000 Or that she changed her own mind.

02:28:28.000 Or I changed my mind.

02:28:29.000 Just say you changed your mind.

02:28:31.000 I hate the term flip-flopper.

02:28:32.000 Right.

02:28:32.000 Because you can't evolve.

02:28:34.000 Everybody's a flip-flopper.

02:28:35.000 Right.

02:28:35.000 If you're not, then you're the same person you were when you were five.

02:28:38.000 Right.

02:28:39.000 Exactly.

02:28:40.000 That's right.

02:28:42.000 Let me tell you where I stand on this Santa thing.

02:28:44.000 Yeah.

02:28:47.000 No, you're right.

02:28:49.000 Right? 1.00

02:28:49.000 I mean, at the end of the day, like, fuck, man. 1.00

02:28:51.000 But look at what you're... 1.00

02:28:52.000 So now look what we're faced with.

02:28:54.000 You're faced with... 1.00

02:28:55.000 That's the big thing on her is that she's a liar. 1.00

02:28:58.000 Right. 1.00

02:28:59.000 And Trump, who is... 1.00

02:29:02.000 The biggest liar. 1.00

02:29:04.000 Right. 0.97

02:29:05.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

02:29:06.000 But he admits he's a liar.

02:29:09.000 But does he say he's a liar? 0.84

02:29:10.000 What has he lied about?

02:29:11.000 What's been proven that he's lied about?

02:29:12.000 I'm sure there's been something.

02:29:14.000 He goes back and forth on everything.

02:29:16.000 What about Mexicans? 0.68

02:29:17.000 He's pretty strong on that.

02:29:18.000 He's pretty strong on that, but then says that maybe that was just an idea.

02:29:23.000 Maybe that was just an idea.

02:29:24.000 Is that what he says recently?

02:29:25.000 Yeah.

02:29:26.000 Maybe it was just an idea to put up the wall?

02:29:27.000 Yeah, that was the thing that he said in...

02:29:29.000 Well, now he's in the home stretch, right?

02:29:31.000 Or at least he's round in third.

02:29:33.000 Yeah.

02:29:33.000 He's round in third.

02:29:34.000 Right. 1.00

02:29:35.000 More proof Donald Trump is a serial liar. 1.00

02:29:37.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:29:37.000 Tell you what, though, he's got a hot wife, so I don't know what to say. 0.99

02:29:43.000 Because I'm a piece of shit. 1.00

02:29:45.000 Like all men, I'm a piece of shit. 1.00

02:29:49.000 Who's that broad you're with? 1.00

02:29:50.000 I think he won because his wife is hot. 1.00

02:29:54.000 I wouldn't mind that dame in the White House, I'll tell you that right now. 1.00

02:29:57.000 And Hillary Clinton's built like a box. 1.00

02:30:01.000 Look, lying, to me, lying, politician and lying, what kind of a baby are you that you think that these people don't lie? 0.96

02:30:10.000 Tell me one president other than Jimmy Carter, perhaps. 0.98

02:30:14.000 That isn't a liar.

02:30:15.000 I don't think Obama is a liar.

02:30:17.000 I don't think Obama's a liar.

02:30:19.000 I do not think he's a liar.

02:30:20.000 I think that he has changed his position on some things, and I think that he said some things before he got into office that he wasn't really supporting, or he didn't really support once he got in there, but I think he is a remarkable person in that, as far as guys that have ever run for president or been president,

02:30:37.000 I like listening to him talk, and I like his personality more than I think anybody that's ever run for president or been president.

02:30:44.000 People get mad at me for saying that.

02:30:46.000 Obama, what about what he's done about free speech?

02:30:48.000 Obama, what about what he did about whistleblowers?

02:30:53.000 I get it.

02:30:54.000 Yes, yes, you're right.

02:30:55.000 Not perfect.

02:30:56.000 Not even what I'm looking for.

02:30:59.000 He's not what I'm looking for.

02:31:00.000 But out of all the other people that have done it, I'm like, man.

02:31:03.000 Thoughtful.

02:31:04.000 Remarkably thoughtful and measured.

02:31:06.000 Thoughtful.

02:31:06.000 His speech, he just gave it at Howard University.

02:31:10.000 Amazing.

02:31:10.000 Was it?

02:31:11.000 I didn't listen to it.

02:31:12.000 Nobody speaks with such clarity.

02:31:17.000 I don't understand the rage.

02:31:19.000 I really don't understand the anger and the rage. 0.98

02:31:22.000 Well, first of all, we don't have a black man running this fair nation, especially when it's a Muslim who was born in Kenya. 1.00

02:31:27.000 Can you understand that? 0.97

02:31:29.000 You're about to go to Kenya.

02:31:30.000 I guess those people are just louder than other people.

02:31:31.000 You're about to go to Africa. 0.63

02:31:32.000 Why don't you go look where he was born?

02:31:34.000 You'll know once you get there.

02:31:35.000 This is the spot.

02:31:37.000 This is Buck.

02:31:38.000 We're going to miss him.

02:31:39.000 I'm telling you, when he drifts off and we're left with one of these guys, it's going to be like, wow, remember when someone was at the helm who was just at least calm and had perspective?

02:31:51.000 That's the thing about Trump that makes me the most nervous is just knee-jerk reactions, just knee-jerk reactions which can have real consequences that we saw not too long ago with other presidents.

02:32:01.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:32:04.000 Trump was a birther.

02:32:07.000 Remember?

02:32:07.000 He was the birther.

02:32:09.000 Yeah.

02:32:09.000 Another lie.

02:32:11.000 Another calculated lie.

02:32:13.000 You don't tell me he believed that.

02:32:14.000 You don't think he believed it?

02:32:15.000 No.

02:32:15.000 Why was he saying it?

02:32:16.000 Because he was taking him down.

02:32:18.000 He was using it.

02:32:20.000 It caught.

02:32:20.000 It caught fire.

02:32:21.000 But why was he taking Obama down? 1.00

02:32:23.000 This guy just says shit. 1.00

02:32:23.000 What was the whole point behind that? 1.00

02:32:25.000 For where he is now.

02:32:27.000 You think like he was thinking even back then when he was being a birther, he was thinking that he was gonna be president?

02:32:32.000 Yeah, he ran before this.

02:32:34.000 He did?

02:32:34.000 Never caught.

02:32:35.000 Yeah.

02:32:35.000 I don't remember that, did he?

02:32:37.000 Yeah, he declared that he was gonna go and it never really caught.

02:32:41.000 He would always come out and at least flirt with the idea.

02:32:44.000 And that's what kind of puzzled me with this one.

02:32:47.000 It was like, oh, he's just doing it again.

02:32:48.000 He's getting some PR. Here's the presidential campaign.

02:32:51.000 He's attaching himself to it.

02:32:53.000 And then this time it went further.

02:32:57.000 They tried pretty hard in 2000, I think.

02:32:59.000 Yeah.

02:32:59.000 Wow, that's so weird.

02:33:00.000 I forgot about that.

02:33:01.000 I blocked it out.

02:33:02.000 No, duplicitous.

02:33:03.000 Oof.

02:33:05.000 Say whatever you can.

02:33:06.000 The thing about him that really scares me is that he's the kind of guy that takes the bait.

02:33:12.000 He's very sensitive and takes the bait.

02:33:14.000 And whenever you're dealing with terrorism, I think this is the thing that Obama is doing more correctly.

02:33:23.000 Anything that happens, he doesn't just freak out and say, we've got to act.

02:33:28.000 Because that's what they want.

02:33:29.000 These are small entities, and they do things to draw this big power in, and that's how they diminish your power.

02:33:37.000 And Obama's be cool.

02:33:40.000 He caught ship for saying, there's a lot of ways that we can die.

02:33:44.000 Terrorism is only one of them, and it's a small one of them.

02:33:47.000 Small way.

02:33:49.000 Don't take the bait.

02:33:50.000 Diminish their power by not reacting.

02:33:52.000 Trump is a guy in every aspect of life that reacts.

02:33:57.000 He's sensitive and freaks out and reacts.

02:34:00.000 And I don't want that kind of unsettled energy, that unsettled person, to be in charge.

02:34:08.000 That's going to create a frenetic way of being for the country.

02:34:13.000 That's what bothers me the most about him.

02:34:15.000 That's a really good point.

02:34:17.000 And I think also that the president, he represents a standard of behavior.

02:34:23.000 Yes.

02:34:24.000 When did we lose that?

02:34:25.000 Yeah.

02:34:27.000 Say what you will about Reagan, Bush, LBJ. They carried themselves like adults.

02:34:34.000 Yeah.

02:34:34.000 They carried themselves where you, they demanded your respect.

02:34:38.000 Yeah, Obama talks shit. 1.00

02:34:40.000 I mean, Trump rather talk shit about people that don't support him, like for no reason. 1.00

02:34:45.000 Like one of the things he did when Ronda Rousey got knocked out. 0.99

02:34:48.000 He said, I'm happy she lost.

02:34:51.000 Not a good person.

02:34:53.000 Like he tweeted that.

02:34:55.000 That's like a teenage girl.

02:34:57.000 Yeah.

02:34:57.000 You want a teenage girl to be in control of the country?

02:35:00.000 A teenage girl who's like 70. Right?

02:35:03.000 Yeah.

02:35:04.000 How old is he?

02:35:04.000 How old is Trump?

02:35:06.000 I'm going to put him at 65. I'm going to put him at 64. He erased it from the internet.

02:35:18.000 He's ageless.

02:35:19.000 Well, that's the other thing.

02:35:19.000 The way he talks...

02:35:21.000 46 is when he was born.

02:35:22.000 70 this year.

02:35:23.000 70 this year.

02:35:24.000 So the way he attacks, the way he did with her, he goes after reporters.

02:35:30.000 Anyone that has any different view. 0.99

02:35:32.000 That worm. 0.99

02:35:34.000 Not a good person. 0.99

02:35:35.000 Sad.

02:35:36.000 Losing ratings.

02:35:38.000 Sad.

02:35:38.000 Yeah.

02:35:39.000 So you don't think a guy like that is going to try and do something about the press when he's in office?

02:35:44.000 Oh yeah, that's going to be spooky. 1.00

02:35:45.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:35:46.000 It's going to be spooky because it's weird that he has the time to do these things while he's still a multi-billionaire running all these companies. 0.99

02:35:52.000 Reality TV star running for president.

02:35:55.000 2000 campaign.

02:35:56.000 Chance I'll Run.

02:35:57.000 Millionaire considering reform party nomination.

02:35:59.000 That was in the millionaire days.

02:36:01.000 He wasn't even a billionaire back then.

02:36:03.000 Yeah.

02:36:04.000 He was just a millionaire.

02:36:05.000 He was worth $100 million.

02:36:06.000 He was going to put out a $100 million campaign.

02:36:08.000 Oh, he was going to put together a $100 million campaign.

02:36:10.000 Just flirting with it, putting it out there.

02:36:12.000 So he's been thinking about it forever.

02:36:13.000 Forever.

02:36:14.000 And it always seemed to me like, this is a smart PR move.

02:36:17.000 That's him and Jesse Ventura.

02:36:19.000 Yeah.

02:36:20.000 The class act.

02:36:21.000 He released a book that year on January 1st about how to run the country?

02:36:24.000 Yeah, it's called.

02:36:25.000 It had a good title.

02:36:27.000 Jesse Ventura was talking about Tower 7 even before 9-11.

02:36:31.000 Yeah.

02:36:31.000 9-11 was an inside job.

02:36:37.000 Tower 7. The America We Deserve.

02:36:39.000 January.

02:36:40.000 Trump releasing a book, The America We Deserve.

02:36:44.000 Well, he's right.

02:36:46.000 This is The America We Deserve. 1.00

02:36:47.000 Yeah, no shit. 0.98

02:36:48.000 I just hope that what's going to happen is if he does get into office, we'll realize that We really do need to be smart about how we govern ourselves. 0.99

02:36:58.000 We really do need to consider it.

02:36:59.000 We really need to make some real steps to try to reform politics in this country.

02:37:04.000 And hopefully someone who is really a qualified leader, someone who's really smart and measured, is looking at this and is going, okay, I've got to step in.

02:37:13.000 You know what?

02:37:17.000 He's making me really miss Romney.

02:37:19.000 Mmm.

02:37:20.000 Really?

02:37:21.000 Wow.

02:37:21.000 Yeah.

02:37:22.000 He's making me miss Romney.

02:37:24.000 At least he was a measured, thoughtful person.

02:37:30.000 That's all.

02:37:31.000 I don't care what you think about Obamacare, what your religion is.

02:37:36.000 You don't worry about someone who thinks they're going to get their own planet when they die?

02:37:40.000 Well, maybe that part.

02:37:42.000 They get a planet.

02:37:43.000 Again, Joe, no one's perfect.

02:37:46.000 But you know what I mean?

02:37:47.000 Just someone who shows up and is respectful to other people.

02:37:49.000 Of course, yeah.

02:37:50.000 And carries himself.

02:37:51.000 Dignity.

02:37:52.000 Yeah.

02:37:53.000 You're the guy.

02:37:53.000 Yeah.

02:37:54.000 You're the guy. 0.97

02:37:55.000 But what Trump is doing is like exciting douchebags. 0.91

02:38:00.000 Yes. 0.98

02:38:00.000 There's a lot of douchebags out there. 0.98

02:38:02.000 Yes. 0.96

02:38:02.000 And they didn't have anybody that represented them in government. 0.96

02:38:04.000 And then all of a sudden, he's got them fired up.

02:38:07.000 He's their guy.

02:38:09.000 Which was fine until now.

02:38:12.000 When other people who are not purportedly douchebags, who are intelligent people in the government and in the press and...

02:38:22.000 Business leaders who are coming over and saying, okay, now he's my guy.

02:38:26.000 Really?

02:38:27.000 So that's when it becomes dangerous.

02:38:29.000 That's when they lose sight of it and start rationalizing it and say, well, he's not Hillary, so I'm going to go with this guy.

02:38:35.000 It's dangerous.

02:38:35.000 Did you ever see the video of Ted Cruz, who's even more dangerous, by the way?

02:38:39.000 Ted Cruz is the most dangerous. 1.00

02:38:41.000 He scares the fuck out of me because he's so dumb. 1.00

02:38:44.000 What he represents is just fucking flatline thinking. 1.00

02:38:48.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:38:48.000 And he is standing at this rally and there's a Trump supporter in front of him with sunglasses on. 0.98

02:38:54.000 Like, feet away from him.

02:38:56.000 Tell him, quit.

02:38:56.000 Drop out.

02:38:57.000 It's over.

02:38:58.000 I saw that.

02:38:58.000 Yeah.

02:38:59.000 And it's just like, that is that kind of a supporter.

02:39:02.000 Like, that's a new kind of supporter. 0.90

02:39:04.000 The bully.

02:39:05.000 The really aggressive man who shows up with a sign, stands in front of you with sunglasses on.

02:39:11.000 Yeah, let's go.

02:39:12.000 And tells you, yeah, it's time to drop out.

02:39:14.000 Time to drop out.

02:39:15.000 Yeah.

02:39:15.000 And he goes, what do you like about Trump, sir?

02:39:17.000 Everything.

02:39:18.000 Everything.

02:39:19.000 Like, he probably doesn't even know anything.

02:39:21.000 Nothing.

02:39:21.000 That Trump is supporting.

02:39:23.000 Nothing.

02:39:23.000 It's weird.

02:39:24.000 Nothing.

02:39:25.000 It's just bravado.

02:39:26.000 Well, it's just weird.

02:39:27.000 I mean, we have this culture that we're...

02:39:30.000 We're consuming nonsense all the time.

02:39:33.000 We're consuming nonsense in the form of transformers and sitcoms and TV shows. 0.85

02:39:39.000 We're constantly eating nonsense with very little substance.

02:39:43.000 And then this guy comes along who represents, for the first time, a guy who's like, we're going to make America great again, and throw your fists up in the air, and that kind of rhetoric.

02:39:53.000 And these guys just hop onto it.

02:39:56.000 And he's a familiar face from the nonsense.

02:39:58.000 Exactly.

02:39:59.000 Yeah.

02:39:59.000 Right?

02:40:00.000 Reality TV stuff.

02:40:00.000 He's a guy that you've listened to before.

02:40:02.000 So strange.

02:40:03.000 Yeah.

02:40:04.000 Scary.

02:40:05.000 It's a real telling thing of where we are with the media.

02:40:09.000 But how much power does the president actually have?

02:40:12.000 Will that highlight it once he gets into office?

02:40:15.000 Like, would Congress?

02:40:17.000 Yeah, because...

02:40:19.000 Look, Iraq, which is arguably one of the greatest mistakes in centuries, of just all the evidence of what's happening over there to those poor people. 0.97

02:40:31.000 That happens because that guy is in charge.

02:40:34.000 Yeah.

02:40:34.000 So, yeah, there are real global consequences to who's ever in that office.

02:40:40.000 And he's bringing in, like, real political masterminds to try to organize his campaign from here on out.

02:40:46.000 Yeah.

02:40:46.000 So I feel like he got to the dance.

02:40:48.000 He's essentially, they haven't made him the Republican nominee, but there's no one else.

02:40:52.000 Nope.

02:40:52.000 No one's stepping up.

02:40:53.000 So how would that happen?

02:40:54.000 Like, is there a possibility that he could not be the nominee?

02:40:57.000 Is there any way?

02:40:58.000 Not any longer.

02:40:59.000 No.

02:41:00.000 No.

02:41:01.000 Wow, that's so crazy.

02:41:02.000 The only curveball could be that...

02:41:05.000 Well, there's a couple curveballs.

02:41:07.000 There's many curveballs, but a third party...

02:41:11.000 A candidate could arise and say that they're going to go for it.

02:41:14.000 Another scary curveball is that it stays the way that it is, and Hillary gets past Bernie, and it's Hillary and Trump, and they start going to battle.

02:41:25.000 And then the Benghazi reports and everything that she's being investigated for, they're saying in the New York Times today that they're slowing down that process. 0.97

02:41:38.000 So that shit comes out about her on the eve of the election. 1.00

02:41:42.000 Really? 1.00

02:41:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:41:43.000 So you manipulate that stuff.

02:41:44.000 Who's doing that?

02:41:45.000 Who's manipulating that?

02:41:45.000 The Republican House who's investigating.

02:41:49.000 So they're virtually guaranteeing that she...

02:41:52.000 It's almost like they have a bomb.

02:41:54.000 Right.

02:41:55.000 They're going to drop it at the proper time.

02:41:56.000 It's their one shot, right?

02:41:57.000 It's not just Benghazi.

02:41:59.000 It's also the email server.

02:42:00.000 Right.

02:42:00.000 The email and sending classified emails.

02:42:03.000 I had Mike Baker on, who's a former CIA operative, and he's pretty...

02:42:07.000 Blunt about it.

02:42:08.000 He said, look, if I did what she did, I'd be in jail. 0.83

02:42:11.000 Right.

02:42:11.000 He's like, we have top secret, secret, clearances, all those different levels for a reason.

02:42:16.000 Yeah, irresponsible.

02:42:17.000 And you can't just take information from those emails that are top secret and then just cut and paste and put them in emails that are going through a regular server.

02:42:25.000 You can't do it.

02:42:26.000 Right.

02:42:26.000 And the fact that this guy in Romania, who's some hacker character, was like reading all her emails.

02:42:32.000 Like, What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:42:34.000 Crazy. 1.00

02:42:34.000 Very scary. 1.00

02:42:36.000 So back to your original question, yeah, he could be your president.

02:42:41.000 I think he might be.

02:42:42.000 What's going on?

02:42:43.000 Did you see this got announced yesterday?

02:42:45.000 What is it?

02:42:46.000 Take the Power Back?

02:42:48.000 Take the Power Back.

02:42:48.000 So all over LA yesterday, there was these posters were posted all around with this hashtag and prophetsofrage.com was the website to go to.

02:42:57.000 Yeah.

02:42:57.000 And there's just a countdown on this website that goes to June 1st, which...

02:43:00.000 I'm not 100% sure if that's the date of the RNC in Cleveland.

02:43:04.000 I think it is.

02:43:05.000 I think it's pretty close to it.

02:43:06.000 Either way, what has been announced, I think, has been coming out over the last 24 hours, is that members of Rage Against the Machine, Public Enemy, and Cypress Hill are getting back together, and they're going to start doing some political concerts, it seems like.

02:43:17.000 Oh, okay.

02:43:18.000 In concert with the RNC. Against the RNC? I mean, that's what Rage Against the Machine was doing a long time ago.

02:43:23.000 See, but here's the thing.

02:43:25.000 If it's not the Republicans, then it's the Democrats?

02:43:27.000 And is Hillary Clinton much better?

02:43:30.000 Yes.

02:43:31.000 Is she much better than him?

02:43:32.000 Yes.

02:43:32.000 Just because of stability.

02:43:34.000 I mean, she's not perfect.

02:43:36.000 I'm not a Democrat or a Republican, but that man...

02:43:41.000 Is an irrational television star.

02:43:46.000 He's a bad guy.

02:43:48.000 You don't want that.

02:43:49.000 You don't want that.

02:43:50.000 She's not perfect, but there's stability and there's...

02:43:53.000 I just want calm up top.

02:43:55.000 Give me calm.

02:43:56.000 Give me people who have been there.

02:43:57.000 He's bringing in these real estate thugs from Atlantic City to be his advisor. 0.99

02:44:01.000 He's a nutbag. 0.97

02:44:03.000 Who goes on Twitter like a 12-year-old girl and starts getting in fights with people? 0.99

02:44:07.000 Not the President of the United States.

02:44:09.000 Entertaining, sure, but come on.

02:44:11.000 Well, now that he's sort of achieved the helm of the Republican Party, did you see that Megyn Kelly thing?

02:44:19.000 No, I didn't see it.

02:44:20.000 They did an interview recently.

02:44:22.000 Did they have a kiss in makeup? 1.00

02:44:23.000 She kissed his ass. 1.00

02:44:24.000 Really? 1.00

02:44:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:44:25.000 By all means, by all accounts, she kissed his ass. 1.00

02:44:28.000 And they made it about the two of them. 1.00

02:44:31.000 Right.

02:44:31.000 They made it about their little relationship together, their interactions together.

02:44:35.000 But he's been shitting on her, calling her a hack forever. 0.99

02:44:37.000 Look at this. 1.00

02:44:38.000 It's what he does.

02:44:39.000 Bully for who?

02:44:39.000 Megan Kelly, interview of Donald Trump, made it clear once again, the definition of bullying has expanded almost to the point of meaninglessness.

02:44:47.000 Yeah.

02:44:47.000 It kind of has.

02:44:48.000 Like, whenever someone, like, gets upset at someone, they're a bully.

02:44:51.000 Now it's a bully.

02:44:52.000 Right.

02:44:53.000 Yeah. 0.77

02:44:54.000 If you have power, you're a bully.

02:44:56.000 He's the most scary to me when he gets calm like that and just starts talking like pretending to be a grown-up. 0.80

02:45:02.000 Yeah.

02:45:03.000 Hold on.

02:45:04.000 Look at what it's saying here.

02:45:05.000 Almost exclusive.

02:45:05.000 Look at this.

02:45:06.000 They didn't use the occasion to talk about politics or policy.

02:45:09.000 Instead, they talked almost exclusively in the aired version of the conversation about bullying.

02:45:14.000 What?

02:45:15.000 Most kids between the age of 6 and 16 have been bullied at some point in their lives.

02:45:20.000 Kelly told Trump.

02:45:21.000 She paused.

02:45:22.000 Were you ever bullied?

02:45:23.000 No, I wasn't, Trump replied.

02:45:25.000 But I have seen bullying, and bullying doesn't have to be as a child, just have to be as a child.

02:45:30.000 I mean, I know people are bullied when they're 55. It can happen when you're 45, Kelly replied.

02:45:36.000 Amazing.

02:45:36.000 What about 44?

02:45:37.000 What about talking about opioids killing Americans?

02:45:41.000 How about talking about...

02:45:41.000 What about cigarettes?

02:45:42.000 How about talking about how you're going to take millions, 11 million people, and try and push them down to Mexico on day one? 0.98

02:45:49.000 Well, she was insinuating, I guess, that she at 45 was being bullied by Trump because of tweets.

02:45:55.000 But when someone...

02:45:57.000 He said he continued simply, it happens, we've got to get over it, fight back, do whatever you have to do.

02:46:03.000 But when someone criticizes you and then you criticize them...

02:46:07.000 And they're a national newscaster, and you're a national figure, too.

02:46:12.000 What's bullying?

02:46:14.000 Like, where is that bullying, and where is that someone who's insulting someone?

02:46:17.000 Is insulting someone bullying? 0.98

02:46:19.000 Is shitting on someone bullying? 0.98

02:46:21.000 Like, when does it... 0.99

02:46:21.000 Like, that word bullying, to me, is like a bigger person picking on a smaller person where the smaller person can't do anything. 0.99

02:46:29.000 Right.

02:46:29.000 But she clearly has a voice of her own.

02:46:32.000 Right.

02:46:32.000 And she clearly is a person of power and influence and she's on television.

02:46:37.000 Yeah.

02:46:37.000 I'm confused even who's bullying who in that scenario because she is powerful because she has the media.

02:46:43.000 He's powerful because he had the mic.

02:46:46.000 Yeah.

02:46:47.000 Well, she's way more classy about it for sure. 1.00

02:46:49.000 Yeah.

02:46:49.000 And her criticisms are fairly valid and it's all things that she believes need to be addressed.

02:46:54.000 So I don't think she's bullying him.

02:46:57.000 Yeah.

02:46:57.000 But is he bullying her by insulting her?

02:46:59.000 Is that bullying or is it just insult?

02:47:02.000 Okay, look at this saying.

02:47:04.000 Let me ask you about that because most American parents are trying to raise their kids to not bully, to name-call, not tease, not taunt.

02:47:11.000 How can they effectively bring that message to the front-runner when the front-runner for the Republican nomination does all of those things?

02:47:18.000 He says, while I do it, really, you know, I've been saying during this whole campaign that I'm a counterpuncher.

02:47:24.000 You understand that.

02:47:25.000 I'm responding.

02:47:27.000 Now, I then respond times maybe 10. What?

02:47:30.000 Okay.

02:47:31.000 I don't know.

02:47:32.000 I respond pretty strongly.

02:47:33.000 But in just about all cases, I've been responding to what they did to me.

02:47:37.000 So it's not a one-way street.

02:47:39.000 Okay.

02:47:41.000 This is his brilliance.

02:47:43.000 You're talking about all of this instead of...

02:47:45.000 Yeah.

02:47:45.000 Right?

02:47:46.000 It's so crazy that she's essentially painting herself as a victim and wanting to talk to this guy who bullied her and wanting him to address the idea and concept of bullying.

02:47:59.000 And he's like, hey, I'm a counterpuncher. 1.00

02:48:02.000 Fuck with me, I'll fuck you back. 1.00

02:48:04.000 Well, his thing is you do come out and bully. 1.00

02:48:07.000 He beats the shit out of him and then is like, hey, Ted Cruz is a nice guy. 0.98

02:48:12.000 Oh, good. 0.99

02:48:13.000 He's been acting nice to me for a second.

02:48:14.000 Who do you think he's going to be his running mate? 1.00

02:48:16.000 I don't know. 0.98

02:48:17.000 How about that fat guy from New Jersey? 0.85

02:48:19.000 He might go with... 0.99

02:48:20.000 The fat guy from New Jersey?

02:48:23.000 They've been hanging around together a lot. 0.84

02:48:24.000 He told the fat guy from New Jersey that he's going to be the guy in charge of his transition team to the White House. 0.87

02:48:30.000 Did you see the fat guy in New Jersey pouring M&Ms into his bag of M&Ms? 0.94

02:48:34.000 He had two bags of M&Ms.

02:48:36.000 He had a large bag of M&Ms and a small bag of M&Ms.

02:48:39.000 And he poured the large, the small bag into the large bag. 1.00

02:48:43.000 That fucking slob. 1.00

02:48:44.000 They've tried giving him a little bit of credit for that. 1.00

02:48:46.000 Like, this is the way that it's packaged and it's just a box of M&Ms with a small one inside.

02:48:51.000 Yeah, whatever. 0.96

02:48:53.000 He's gross. 1.00

02:48:53.000 He's a monster. 1.00

02:48:54.000 M&M eating monster. 0.99

02:48:57.000 I would think he probably goes with the governor of Arizona, the woman who was yelling at him.

02:49:03.000 Oh, Jan Brewer?

02:49:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:49:04.000 No fucking way. 0.99

02:49:05.000 I think so. 1.00

02:49:06.000 She's way too dumb. 1.00

02:49:07.000 She's scary, scary, scary dumb. 1.00

02:49:09.000 Have you ever seen her interrogated or interviewed? 1.00

02:49:12.000 Interviewed.

02:49:13.000 Where someone questions her and gives her a hard time?

02:49:15.000 I just see her yelling. 1.00

02:49:16.000 She just represents scared old people who live in Arizona. 0.95

02:49:19.000 You know, that's how they scooped her up. 0.99

02:49:21.000 Scare old people is, you know... 1.00

02:49:24.000 A good group to go for right now.

02:49:26.000 Tom Papa, you worried about the world?

02:49:27.000 You're a bright guy.

02:49:28.000 You're a thoughtful guy.

02:49:29.000 No, I'm pretty optimistic about the world, actually.

02:49:31.000 What's going to happen?

02:49:33.000 To the world?

02:49:34.000 With this whole election thing.

02:49:36.000 With this election thing?

02:49:36.000 Are we going to learn from this?

02:49:38.000 I don't know if we're going to learn from this.

02:49:39.000 I don't think we learned from the Bush era.

02:49:42.000 I don't think we've learned that much.

02:49:45.000 I think we're going through a little bit of a dark time where...

02:49:49.000 You know, people that make a lot of noise.

02:49:50.000 You have someone thoughtful, like Obama, who wants to just have people discuss.

02:49:54.000 And if people embraced and were able to debate with him rather than just block him, he wouldn't have won all of his things.

02:50:00.000 But the other side would have been more thoughtful as well, and we wouldn't be in the place we are now.

02:50:05.000 I think we're in this new media, this new way of digesting information that's very confusing to people, and some bad people are taking advantage of it.

02:50:13.000 But I think ultimately we're going to sift through and good people and good ideas will come to the forefront.

02:50:21.000 I don't know how, but I'm pretty optimistic that that's the way it goes.

02:50:25.000 Heavy evil ways tend to die off and go away.

02:50:29.000 So I'm pretty optimistic.

02:50:31.000 A powerful message from Tom Papa.

02:50:34.000 I hope you're right.

02:50:35.000 More piano, please.

02:50:36.000 I think people are nicer now than they've ever been before.

02:50:38.000 I really do.

02:50:39.000 And I think one of the things about it is bully discussion.

02:50:41.000 This discussion is an important discussion.

02:50:44.000 Bullying is a real problem.

02:50:46.000 And that discussion wouldn't be taking place 10 years ago, 20 years ago. 0.98

02:50:50.000 Nobody give a fuck about bullying. 1.00

02:50:51.000 Like, suck it up, bitch. 1.00

02:50:52.000 We all got bullied. 1.00

02:50:54.000 No, you're right.

02:50:55.000 I mean, pretty quickly that's happened, right?

02:50:57.000 I just can't believe he said he never got bullied.

02:50:59.000 How'd he never got bullied?

02:50:59.000 If you're the bully.

02:51:01.000 I guess, but he's always been the bully his whole life. 0.66

02:51:03.000 Sure. 0.91

02:51:04.000 He needs someone to bully him.

02:51:05.000 I bet if someone came out and bullied him, like one of them Koch brothers. 0.99

02:51:08.000 That'd be funny if someone showed up and was like, I used to bully him. 1.00

02:51:11.000 You fucking pussy. 1.00

02:51:12.000 You sucked my dick when you owed me a million. 1.00

02:51:15.000 We used to rub our balls on his face in sixth grade. 1.00

02:51:17.000 He would cry. 0.99

02:51:18.000 It was hilarious. 1.00

02:51:22.000 We'd fuck his hair up. 0.97

02:51:23.000 And then he starts tweeting back. 0.99

02:51:26.000 Sad!

02:51:27.000 Exclamation point. 1.00

02:51:28.000 Sad loser. 1.00

02:51:29.000 Smelly balls. 1.00

02:51:30.000 Your balls always smelled. 1.00

02:51:32.000 Sad. 0.99

02:51:34.000 No, but I'm pretty optimistic.

02:51:36.000 And you know what's interesting?

02:51:37.000 And I think...

02:51:38.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:51:39.000 I'm talking out of my ass. 1.00

02:51:40.000 We all are. 0.99

02:51:41.000 But I do feel like when you travel around and you do your shows and stuff...

02:51:48.000 The thing that's lost in all of this discussion is there's Americans.

02:51:52.000 There's just plain old Americans who don't say, I'm purely Republican and purely Democrat.

02:51:58.000 I'm just screw the other side at all costs.

02:52:01.000 There are just working people that are just Americans. 0.63

02:52:04.000 Like, what happened to America being the thing that we're all working towards and suss these people out for what's going to be better for our kids and for the country? 0.98

02:52:13.000 I feel like the internet is going to sift through this bullshit. 0.94

02:52:17.000 I mean, what we're seeing really with Trump in a way is kind of this implosion of that party because they let the crazy Tea Party right-wing part of it devour it, and now they're in chaos. 0.99

02:52:29.000 Maybe that's a sign that people that are extreme...

02:52:34.000 Right.

02:52:41.000 Right.

02:52:44.000 Right.

02:52:49.000 Trump from moving forward.

02:52:51.000 And Trump, in my eyes at least, if I'm looking at it, I think he's looking at this as like an accomplishment.

02:52:57.000 This is Mount Everest to climb, to become the president.

02:53:00.000 Whereas, I don't think he's looking at it in terms of really serving the United States people.

02:53:06.000 I don't think he's that guy.

02:53:07.000 I mean, that's not why he's so successful. 1.00

02:53:11.000 He's so successful because he represents his own shit. 1.00

02:53:15.000 He knows how to do it. 1.00

02:53:16.000 He gets it done.

02:53:17.000 He's an egocentric comic who doesn't have much of an act but becomes really successful because he believes in him so much.

02:53:24.000 I know who you're talking about.

02:53:25.000 Let's not talk about that guy.

02:53:26.000 There's a couple of them.

02:53:27.000 Be nice.

02:53:28.000 I could be listening right now.

02:53:30.000 When there's that narcissistic thing, you do become successful because you want it more than anyone wants you to go away.

02:53:38.000 Yeah, we certainly...

02:53:39.000 It can be done, right?

02:53:40.000 I mean, he's showing that he can get so close.

02:53:43.000 Yeah.

02:53:44.000 But I just don't know if Hillary can beat him.

02:53:47.000 And Bernie's...

02:53:48.000 I know.

02:53:48.000 That's kind of the thing.

02:53:49.000 Do you like Bernie?

02:53:51.000 I like him as a character.

02:53:52.000 I followed him on Twitter just because he was independent when he was an independent.

02:53:57.000 He was just like this little rebel from Vermont and it just seemed like a cool...

02:54:01.000 I always loved Vermont and it seemed like this free-thinking area.

02:54:04.000 I liked him more of just following him that way.

02:54:07.000 His ideas of socialism and...

02:54:12.000 And I don't say that as a real, you know, democratic socialist is not a scary, like, mindless thing.

02:54:19.000 But I don't see him being that good of a leader.

02:54:24.000 I don't see him being...

02:54:27.000 He is pretty extreme.

02:54:28.000 He is pretty extreme.

02:54:31.000 I don't see him as a...

02:54:32.000 I loved him as like a senator from Vermont.

02:54:34.000 I kind of like the idea of trying someone extreme just so we can see what's wrong with it.

02:54:38.000 Well, that's the Trump thing.

02:54:40.000 That is the Trump thing.

02:54:41.000 I voted for Perot at one point.

02:54:44.000 Oh, did you?

02:54:44.000 Yeah.

02:54:44.000 I did too.

02:54:45.000 I did too.

02:54:45.000 I just wanted this...

02:54:46.000 This guy was making some sense. 1.00

02:54:48.000 He's not perfect, but fuck. 1.00

02:54:49.000 Let's... 1.00

02:54:50.000 Let's throw the card table up in the air and see if there's a new game at the end of the day.

02:54:56.000 Do you remember when Perot had that ad on television where he took out an entire half hour of television and bought it?

02:55:02.000 Yes. 0.99

02:55:02.000 And then explained why the IRS is fucking you? 0.99

02:55:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:55:05.000 Ooh. 1.00

02:55:06.000 I know.

02:55:07.000 I remember my jaw dropping, sitting on a watch that going, what?

02:55:11.000 I know.

02:55:12.000 It wasn't totally off base.

02:55:14.000 And that's why, honestly, that's why I get why people want Trump without even knowing that much of the issues.

02:55:22.000 It's like, let's rock this.

02:55:25.000 Let's blow this thing up.

02:55:27.000 The system's not serving me.

02:55:29.000 We need one of us in there, boys!

02:55:31.000 Here it is, ladies and gentlemen.

02:55:32.000 What is he saying?

02:55:33.000 Crank it up there.

02:55:34.000 And maybe now's the time for me to wave the voodoo stick and get rid of the hex. 1.00

02:55:39.000 But it'll take a lot more than that.

02:55:40.000 It'll take millions of you showing up on November the 3rd to get rid of this hex.

02:55:45.000 Keep in mind, the value of the dollar is going down.

02:55:48.000 The number of people making less than $12,000 is going up.

02:55:52.000 I don't want to bore you with this statement, but trickle down didn't trickle.

02:55:56.000 It just didn't work.

02:55:58.000 We have 19th century capitalism in this country.

02:56:02.000 Our successful international competitors are practicing modern day capitalism.

02:56:07.000 We need to practice 21st century capitalism.

02:56:10.000 We need an intelligent, supportive relationship between government and business.

02:56:15.000 We need long-term thinking.

02:56:17.000 We need to target the industries of the future and make sure they are here and the words made in the USA are written across them.

02:56:25.000 We need to have the most rapidly growing small business society in the world because we can create more jobs more quickly there.

02:56:32.000 All of this can be done.

02:56:34.000 You know what they did with him?

02:56:35.000 They kidnapped his daughter.

02:56:37.000 They did?

02:56:38.000 They threatened to.

02:56:39.000 Who did? 1.00

02:56:40.000 Some fucking bad people. 1.00

02:56:41.000 Really? 1.00

02:56:42.000 Yeah, he dropped out.

02:56:43.000 Remember when he was running for president, he dropped out and then re-entered back in late in the race, and it was too late.

02:56:50.000 I don't remember that.

02:56:51.000 But he dropped out based on credible threats.

02:56:54.000 To the security of his family.

02:56:56.000 Oh my god.

02:56:57.000 Those are the days where they could just scoop your kids up. 1.00

02:56:59.000 Shit. 1.00

02:57:00.000 You know, back in the 80s, they could get away with something like that. 1.00

02:57:02.000 They could actually pull it off.

02:57:03.000 Was it the 80s or was it the 90s back then?

02:57:05.000 That was 90. I think he ran in 90. But anything pre-internet.

02:57:09.000 That was Bush Clinton.

02:57:10.000 Let's see what it is here, Jamie.

02:57:13.000 1992 campaign.

02:57:14.000 Perot says he quit in July to thwart GOP dirty tricks.

02:57:19.000 Decision to lie to man up a campaign.

02:57:21.000 He said he had withdrawn hearing President Bush's campaign was scheming to smear his daughter with a computer-altered photograph and to disrupt her wedding.

02:57:29.000 Mr. Perot offered no evidence, but I thought he was also worried about kidnapping.

02:57:34.000 Can't prove any of it today, he said on tonight's CBS News program, 60 Minutes.

02:57:39.000 But it was a risk, a risk I did not have to take.

02:57:43.000 Where my daughter's concerned.

02:57:45.000 And a risk I would not take where my daughter's concerned.

02:57:48.000 Hmm.

02:57:48.000 Who knows, man?

02:57:50.000 Yeah.

02:57:50.000 Well, it scared him.

02:57:50.000 And he was a tough guy.

02:57:53.000 He's still alive, I think.

02:57:54.000 We need a Perot-type character.

02:57:55.000 Is Richard Branson American?

02:57:57.000 No. 1.00

02:57:58.000 Damn it. 1.00

02:57:58.000 But Trump has a little of that, right? 1.00

02:58:01.000 Trump is saying, why are we sending these jobs over here?

02:58:04.000 Right?

02:58:04.000 So he's garnering up some of that.

02:58:07.000 What if it works?

02:58:08.000 What if he gets in and he actually does a good job?

02:58:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:58:11.000 What if he gets in and just says everyone, suck his dick. 1.00

02:58:14.000 Shut up. 1.00

02:58:14.000 Fuck off. 1.00

02:58:15.000 Congress, you're fired. 1.00

02:58:17.000 Everyone's fired.

02:58:18.000 Well, that's kind of, that's why the Republican establishment doesn't like him.

02:58:23.000 It's not that he's reckless, it's that he's...

02:58:25.000 He's rich.

02:58:25.000 And he also holds views in the past that we're more left than right.

02:58:31.000 Yeah.

02:58:31.000 You know.

02:58:32.000 True.

02:58:32.000 He's a complex dude.

02:58:34.000 He is a complex dude.

02:58:35.000 Who farted?

02:58:35.000 Me.

02:58:36.000 It smells like bear.

02:58:37.000 It's not that bad.

02:58:41.000 Tom Papa, where are you next, man?

02:58:43.000 Where can people see you?

02:58:44.000 Let's see.

02:58:45.000 I am going to Levity Live in Nyack.

02:58:50.000 Oh, that's a good one.

02:58:50.000 Nyack, New York.

02:58:51.000 I'm going there soon.

02:58:52.000 I hear good things.

02:58:53.000 Yeah, it's a good club.

02:58:54.000 It's a good spot.

02:58:55.000 And I'm shooting my special in the end of June, it looks like.

02:59:00.000 Who are you doing it for?

02:59:02.000 Epix, Hulu, and Amazon.

02:59:03.000 Excellent.

02:59:04.000 I like how Amazon's getting into things the same way Netflix is.

02:59:07.000 They have their own original programming.

02:59:09.000 Yeah.

02:59:09.000 That's cool, man.

02:59:10.000 Yeah.

02:59:11.000 The show that I'm...

02:59:12.000 I write on this show called Red Oaks, which is an Amazon show that Paul Reiser's in.

02:59:16.000 Red Oaks.

02:59:17.000 I haven't even heard of it.

02:59:18.000 It's good.

02:59:19.000 Is it brand new?

02:59:20.000 One season's out.

02:59:21.000 Really?

02:59:21.000 And we're shooting the next season.

02:59:22.000 There's so much content today.

02:59:24.000 It's amazing.

02:59:25.000 It's crazy.

02:59:25.000 It's amazing.

02:59:26.000 I know. 0.99

02:59:26.000 I'm going to shoot... 0.99

02:59:27.000 I'm going to do a role in it, too, in a couple weeks.

02:59:31.000 Nice.

02:59:32.000 And...

02:59:33.000 Yeah, it's on Amazon.

02:59:34.000 You'd like it.

02:59:34.000 It's all about a country club in the 80s.

02:59:36.000 It's just like an 80s Caddyshack kind of a show.

02:59:39.000 And Paul Reiser's in it, and Richard Kind, and really funny.

02:59:43.000 You know, the Amazon has the new version of Top Gear.

02:59:46.000 Oh, really?

02:59:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:59:48.000 The one with Adam on it?

02:59:49.000 No, no, no.

02:59:49.000 With Jeremy Clarkson and Richard May and James Hammond.

02:59:52.000 The original crew of Top Gear.

02:59:54.000 Do you know the whole story behind that?

02:59:55.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:59:56.000 The guy punched one of the producers.

02:59:57.000 They fired him.

02:59:58.000 Jeremy Clarkson did.

02:59:59.000 The guy's pretty great.

03:00:00.000 Yeah, he's awesome.

03:00:02.000 So they got back together?

03:00:03.000 Yeah, him and the producer, like, get along fine.

03:00:06.000 They just, you know, they had to blow up and do what the English would call. 0.61

03:00:09.000 They had a bit of a row.

03:00:11.000 A bit of a row.

03:00:11.000 Knocked him out.

03:00:12.000 You know, probably.

03:00:13.000 You're going to have to be fired now.

03:00:14.000 Yeah, and something happened.

03:00:15.000 They fired him.

03:00:17.000 The other two guys were like, we're with you, dude.

03:00:19.000 We're not going anywhere.

03:00:20.000 And so they recast Top Gear.

03:00:22.000 Right.

03:00:22.000 And now Top Gear in the UK has like five new hosts.

03:00:26.000 Oh.

03:00:26.000 Yeah.

03:00:27.000 So it's one of them being my friend Richard Harris, who's amazing.

03:00:30.000 Or Chris Harris.

03:00:31.000 He's really my friend.

03:00:32.000 I should actually know his name.

03:00:33.000 It's a good show.

03:00:34.000 I think of Richard Hammond, Chris Harris. 1.00

03:00:35.000 There's so many fucking English people. 1.00

03:00:36.000 But Chris Harris is my favorite British car, one of my favorite journalists, period. 0.99

03:00:41.000 Oh, yeah?

03:00:42.000 Car journalist.

03:00:43.000 Oh, yeah?

03:00:43.000 He's awesome at it.

03:00:44.000 And he's one of the new Top Gear guys.

03:00:45.000 Chris Harris.

03:00:46.000 Chris Harris.

03:00:47.000 But Richard Hammond and James May and Jeremy Clarkson are the original Dream Team.

03:00:54.000 Those guys together were...

03:00:55.000 They were great.

03:00:56.000 The show was the most popular show in the whole world.

03:00:58.000 They were awesome.

03:00:59.000 The world.

03:01:00.000 The whole world.

03:01:00.000 Okay.

03:01:00.000 Amazing.

03:01:01.000 And when it got canceled, they moved over to Amazon.

03:01:04.000 So they had to wait a certain amount of time.

03:01:06.000 I think it's been over a year.

03:01:07.000 Yeah.

03:01:08.000 And now they're going to do it on Amazon.

03:01:10.000 Wow, that's great.

03:01:12.000 It'll boost Amazon, for sure.

03:01:13.000 Yeah, for sure.

03:01:14.000 And maybe it'll boost Tom Papa.

03:01:16.000 Yeah, maybe my little special will be good.

03:01:17.000 And I'm still cranking out my podcast, my Come to Papa podcast.

03:01:21.000 It's a little endeavor.

03:01:23.000 And...

03:01:24.000 That's it.

03:01:25.000 Do you have a little studio set up at your place?

03:01:27.000 I just have like this little H4 recorder.

03:01:31.000 You just bring it places?

03:01:32.000 I just have it.

03:01:33.000 No, I do it.

03:01:34.000 Well, I do the SiriusXM show.

03:01:37.000 And I do that in the studio.

03:01:39.000 What channel do you do that on?

03:01:41.000 On Raw Dog.

03:01:42.000 Oh, okay.

03:01:43.000 I've been doing that for a long time.

03:01:44.000 Then I do these live Come to Papa shows, which are like a Prairie Home Companion.

03:01:49.000 You should do it sometime.

03:01:50.000 It's really good.

03:01:51.000 I would love to.

03:01:51.000 It's like scripted old classic radio.

03:01:53.000 We do sketch stuff you just read on stage and then some comedians do a set.

03:01:56.000 You do it in the audience?

03:01:58.000 We do it at Largo and then we do it in Village Underground.

03:02:01.000 And you have comics do actual stand-up?

03:02:03.000 Yeah.

03:02:04.000 They do their act on your podcast?

03:02:05.000 Yeah.

03:02:06.000 Why would anybody do that though?

03:02:07.000 Because then it releases their material.

03:02:09.000 Ah, who hears it?

03:02:12.000 Who's listening? 1.00

03:02:13.000 What kind of fucking podcast is this? 1.00

03:02:16.000 How many people are listening? 0.99

03:02:17.000 Well, you know, they do older material or they just try stuff out.

03:02:20.000 It's only like a five minute set.

03:02:21.000 Okay.

03:02:22.000 I don't know.

03:02:23.000 Aren't you beyond being so precious with your material?

03:02:26.000 Being so precious?

03:02:28.000 Yeah, like people hear it.

03:02:29.000 I don't care where I do my act at this point.

03:02:30.000 Really?

03:02:31.000 Yeah.

03:02:32.000 People want to hear it all the time.

03:02:34.000 So people are sitting in front of you with a camera just pointing at you while you're on stage? 0.99

03:02:37.000 Doesn't weird you out if you're working on some new shit? 0.98

03:02:39.000 It weirds me out, but I don't care. 0.99

03:02:43.000 Wow.

03:02:43.000 Tom Pop, you're so relaxed.

03:02:45.000 No, but why?

03:02:45.000 What's your key?

03:02:46.000 What's the key?

03:02:47.000 Regular foot massages?

03:02:48.000 What do you do that keeps you so calm?

03:02:51.000 Really, I kind of stopped worrying about that stuff.

03:02:53.000 That's good.

03:02:54.000 Because, I mean, everything's everywhere.

03:02:56.000 Everything's everywhere.

03:02:56.000 So I'm going to put this special out.

03:02:58.000 Right.

03:02:58.000 The day it comes out, kids are going to rip it, put it around for free.

03:03:02.000 Hopefully.

03:03:03.000 Yeah, hopefully.

03:03:04.000 Right?

03:03:04.000 So you actually want people to steal your stuff.

03:03:07.000 In some ways...

03:03:08.000 So, like, if you had a show at the Ice House, and they're like, they're going to record it, I would just shift my thinking, like, alright, so I'm not going to do that one bit, I'll do this other bit, or whatever, you know.

03:03:21.000 The point is, people can see it all the time everywhere, so, who cares if it's on a podcast?

03:03:27.000 I guess you could look at it that way.

03:03:30.000 I always look at it like, when you see it live, leading up to the filming of a special, it's a work in progress.

03:03:35.000 Yeah.

03:03:36.000 And if you see it, it's like, you could read spoiler alerts about Game of Thrones online if you want to.

03:03:41.000 Sure.

03:03:41.000 But it'll kind of fuck up the story for you.

03:03:43.000 Right.

03:03:43.000 So if you see bits that are a work in progress like six months ago, And then you see him again.

03:03:48.000 You get to see the work that's been done.

03:03:50.000 So you could look at it that way.

03:03:51.000 I see the progress and it's kind of cool as a fan of comedy to watch that.

03:03:55.000 I like watching other people work stuff out.

03:03:57.000 I like Tony Hinchcliffe has this new bit.

03:03:59.000 I don't want to give away the premise.

03:04:00.000 But I've been watching this bit grow and he comes off and he's super pumped.

03:04:04.000 Dude, did you see the new version?

03:04:05.000 I'm like, I love it.

03:04:05.000 I love that new thing.

03:04:06.000 And we start talking about it.

03:04:08.000 But I'm a comedy geek.

03:04:10.000 I like the process itself.

03:04:13.000 Whereas some people just want to see the actual bit when it's done.

03:04:16.000 But that's how I feel.

03:04:17.000 The comedy geeks will notice me do my bit on the podcast and then see it in my special.

03:04:24.000 Right.

03:04:24.000 But the regular fans, they're just going to see the special.

03:04:27.000 I see what you're saying.

03:04:27.000 You know what I mean?

03:04:28.000 I don't know.

03:04:29.000 I just feel like it's our job now, the way that people can digest material, it's our job to crank stuff out.

03:04:37.000 And be making stuff.

03:04:38.000 Doing podcasts and doing your material and writing books and just crank and create and put it out there.

03:04:43.000 So if you see my raw set at Largo, that's what I put out today.

03:04:48.000 And if I'm going to do my special or I'm going to do a thing in Red Oaks, that's that thing.

03:04:54.000 So it's just all output from the Papa compound.

03:04:58.000 The Papa compound, ladies and gentlemen.

03:05:00.000 Tom Papa, folks!

03:05:01.000 So great.

03:05:02.000 It was fun, man.

03:05:02.000 I enjoyed it.

03:05:03.000 Nice watching you eat bread.

03:05:06.000 I never thought anybody would ever say that. 1.00

03:05:07.000 Bye fuckers! 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 19, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #802 - Tom Papa

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