The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #814 - Ari Shaffir

00:00:03.000 We're lying.

00:00:04.000 Yes!

00:00:05.000 You said you were in Seattle last night?

00:00:06.000 Yeah.

00:00:07.000 What were you doing?

00:00:07.000 Show.

00:00:08.000 A little stand-up comedy?

00:00:09.000 Yeah, the crocodile.

00:00:09.000 Some place Kurt Cobain and Nirvana played.

00:00:12.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:00:13.000 Yeah.

00:00:14.000 What was that like?

00:00:15.000 Pictures of him.

00:00:15.000 I mean, he wasn't there.

00:00:16.000 You know?

00:00:17.000 I know, but it's cool being in those.

00:00:19.000 I've been saying that doing a lot of these theaters is like doing a functional museum.

00:00:24.000 Yeah.

00:00:25.000 Yeah, some of them.

00:00:26.000 Yeah.

00:00:27.000 At Fillmore.

00:00:27.000 Fillmore, for sure.

00:00:28.000 Yeah, with all those pictures in there.

00:00:29.000 Dude, I took a bunch of film.

00:00:31.000 We were in the dressing room.

00:00:33.000 Apparently, that's like one of the first places that the Led Zeppelin, the Led Zeppelin, you know those, that Led Zeppelin played.

00:00:41.000 Really?

00:00:41.000 In America?

00:00:41.000 When they first came to America.

00:00:43.000 Yeah.

00:00:43.000 That's cool.

00:00:44.000 I don't know if it was the first or one of the first.

00:00:47.000 But uh, yeah, man, I mean that is like as Museum like it's floor-to-ceiling too with the pictures all the way over Yeah, it's a big-ass place man So like I mean as far as like it's not that big it's like 450 people But I mean as far as like what it stands for.

00:01:04.000 Yeah, there's a few places like that The Chicago theater is definitely like that just walking around that place like whoa Yeah, the look of it.

00:01:12.000 Yeah There's a bunch of them that are just so old that it's kind of weird that they let people just fucking run around on stage and tell dick jokes in them.

00:01:22.000 Close.

00:01:22.000 This was their first tour.

00:01:23.000 Oh, the first tour.

00:01:25.000 That makes sense.

00:01:26.000 There you go.

00:01:26.000 See, everybody's like- The first place in Denver?

00:01:28.000 Yeah.

00:01:28.000 Fuck yeah.

00:01:29.000 First, they went straight to Denver?

00:01:30.000 They knew.

00:01:31.000 Not East Coast?

00:01:32.000 They knew.

00:01:33.000 That's the spot.

00:01:34.000 Yeah.

00:01:35.000 Why fuck around?

00:01:37.000 How long till they went to New York?

00:01:40.000 That's a good question.

00:01:42.000 Year's Eve.

00:01:43.000 Oh, damn.

00:01:45.000 1969. Do you know that their lawsuit is going on right now for stealing Stairway to Heaven?

00:01:50.000 No way.

00:01:52.000 Right now.

00:01:53.000 Against who?

00:01:53.000 Who'd they steal it from?

00:01:54.000 There was a band.

00:01:55.000 Bill Burr was the one who turned on to this shit.

00:01:57.000 Bill Burr called me up.

00:01:58.000 He goes, you're not gonna fucking believe it.

00:01:59.000 They were all fucking thieves.

00:02:00.000 They stole.

00:02:01.000 They stole.

00:02:02.000 He calls me up and he sends me this YouTube video to listen to.

00:02:06.000 And I go, holy shit!

00:02:08.000 Like, dude, I couldn't be a bigger Led Zeppelin fan.

00:02:11.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:02:12.000 I'd love Led Zeppelin.

00:02:14.000 I mean, they're like...

00:02:15.000 A whole lot of love is like my get-high-and-sit-back-with-headphone song, you know?

00:02:22.000 Old black people like it, too.

00:02:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:02:24.000 Because before they played hip-hop on the radio.

00:02:25.000 That's right.

00:02:26.000 The closest they had, I guess, was Led Zeppelin.

00:02:27.000 That's all they had.

00:02:29.000 Bullshit white people music.

00:02:31.000 They were hiding Robert Johnson, stealing all his music.

00:02:34.000 Led Zeppelin singer claims foggy memory in Stairway to Heaven lawsuit.

00:02:38.000 Well, I mean, that's fair.

00:02:40.000 It's 50 years ago.

00:02:41.000 Yeah, I mean, that's...

00:02:41.000 Boy...

00:02:43.000 I can barely remember shit 10 years ago.

00:02:46.000 How's this guy supposed to remember shit 50 years ago?

00:02:49.000 Yeah.

00:02:50.000 There's no way.

00:02:51.000 But if I stole Stairway to Heaven, I bet I'd fucking remember that.

00:02:53.000 Let me hear the both.

00:02:54.000 Can we hear both of them?

00:02:55.000 We can't do it.

00:02:56.000 We can't do it?

00:02:56.000 Why?

00:02:57.000 Can we play it for us and not have it on the YouTube?

00:03:00.000 Or would it just get us pulled from the YouTube?

00:03:02.000 I can keep it off YouTube.

00:03:04.000 Yeah, I can keep it off YouTube.

00:03:05.000 Okay.

00:03:06.000 So we'll listen to it, and we'll be able to talk to you.

00:03:09.000 Which one do you want first, the original?

00:03:11.000 Don't they have a side-by-side one?

00:03:13.000 I've already heard the stairway.

00:03:14.000 Play the original.

00:03:16.000 Everybody knows what stairway sounds like.

00:03:18.000 What a good song, though.

00:03:20.000 Up and down and speed.

00:03:21.000 Yeah, and this band opened for them.

00:03:24.000 Yeah.

00:03:26.000 This doesn't look good.

00:03:27.000 What?

00:03:28.000 Yeah, it doesn't look good at all.

00:03:30.000 Wait, is it possible this band was like stole it from Led Zeppelin?

00:03:34.000 No, no, apparently it's not because they recorded it several years before they toured with Led Zeppelin.

00:03:40.000 Well, that sums it up.

00:03:42.000 Yeah, I think they recorded it like two years before Zeppelin did theirs.

00:03:46.000 If this is just like four chords that they play in the middle of the song, oh wow.

00:03:51.000 What?

00:03:53.000 This is the original, not Led Zeppelin.

00:03:55.000 Oh my god.

00:03:57.000 Let's hear it.

00:04:00.000 It's goddamn so close.

00:04:04.000 Well, another argument that someone said, they're called Spirit.

00:04:08.000 The name of the song is Taurus.

00:04:11.000 The best of Spirit is just a little bit better.

00:04:14.000 Wow.

00:04:15.000 Yeah, it's, goddamn, it's really close.

00:04:18.000 But someone said, no, I don't know shit about music, and I know you don't either, right?

00:04:22.000 This is the Led Zeppelin version.

00:04:25.000 We know that.

00:04:26.000 Yeah, we know that.

00:04:28.000 It sounds so similar.

00:04:29.000 But someone...

00:04:30.000 Yeah.

00:04:31.000 You don't know any shit about music.

00:04:32.000 Like, you don't play musical instruments.

00:04:34.000 No, I don't either.

00:04:35.000 Jamie, you might know this.

00:04:36.000 Someone said that the music is like a very commonly used series of chords.

00:04:42.000 Chord progression, yeah.

00:04:43.000 Is it?

00:04:44.000 I don't know the exact...

00:04:45.000 Yeah, there's only three chords.

00:04:45.000 As I say, there's only three chords in rock and roll.

00:04:48.000 Right.

00:04:48.000 I don't know what that means, but there's still a lot of different songs.

00:04:50.000 It's like a blues scale.

00:04:51.000 It's probably...

00:04:54.000 So they said that that has been used in many songs before.

00:04:58.000 Is that true?

00:04:59.000 Why aren't they saying that?

00:05:01.000 I don't know, because they're foggy.

00:05:02.000 They're old.

00:05:03.000 Once you hit, like, 60, you just pretend you're old as fuck and you don't know what's going on anymore.

00:05:07.000 That's what Reagan did. 1.00

00:05:08.000 What?

00:05:08.000 I don't even know.

00:05:09.000 He had, like, legit Alzheimer's.

00:05:12.000 Yeah.

00:05:12.000 Looking back, he really didn't remember.

00:05:14.000 We should have been like, oh, you didn't get pills, man.

00:05:16.000 Yeah.

00:05:16.000 Instead of not believing it was cover-up, we should have been like, oh, he's crying for help.

00:05:21.000 Yeah.

00:05:21.000 He's telling the world he can't remember things.

00:05:23.000 I wonder, like...

00:05:26.000 They're really close to curing that, you know.

00:05:28.000 Really?

00:05:29.000 Yeah.

00:05:29.000 They're injecting people's brains with stem cells and fixing all kinds of weird shit that's going wrong.

00:05:35.000 How is that stem cell?

00:05:36.000 I've been thinking about it.

00:05:37.000 You asked me about it.

00:05:37.000 I've been thinking about it.

00:05:38.000 It's crazy.

00:05:40.000 So you heal like Wolverine.

00:05:42.000 It's very strange.

00:05:43.000 So, okay.

00:05:46.000 Will it?

00:05:47.000 How far away?

00:05:48.000 It's not going to grow your dick, Ari. 0.54

00:05:49.000 Not my dick, my hair.

00:05:50.000 What about hair?

00:05:51.000 Why not?

00:05:52.000 Why can't it stem cell that up? 0.99

00:05:53.000 They'll probably have something for that soon.

00:05:56.000 I don't know, man.

00:05:57.000 I'll never go back to there again.

00:05:59.000 Stem cell cream?

00:05:59.000 Pop your shit back up?

00:06:00.000 I like having a shaved head.

00:06:01.000 It's so easy.

00:06:02.000 So I got a good head for it.

00:06:03.000 I look better with a shaved head.

00:06:05.000 It's round.

00:06:05.000 Especially with the hair that I had left.

00:06:08.000 It's just all sad hair.

00:06:10.000 Sad, sick hair.

00:06:11.000 Coughing.

00:06:13.000 Dying people.

00:06:14.000 It's like having a cancer patient living on your head.

00:06:16.000 That's why Jeff Ross shaved his head too.

00:06:18.000 Yeah, it's over.

00:06:19.000 It's over.

00:06:19.000 That's why I cut mine shorter.

00:06:20.000 I like it, man.

00:06:21.000 I like having it short.

00:06:22.000 Yeah, it's bullshit.

00:06:24.000 It's like it was a waste of my energy.

00:06:26.000 You got a round enough head.

00:06:27.000 Yeah.

00:06:28.000 If you have a flat back, that's the worst kind of head.

00:06:31.000 It's like a laptop head.

00:06:33.000 Somebody hit you with a shovel head.

00:06:35.000 The back of your head just looks like a laptop.

00:06:37.000 It's just flat like a book.

00:06:40.000 There's a lot of dudes that have whack domes. 1.00

00:06:43.000 I feel for them.

00:06:45.000 But you know what, man?

00:06:46.000 This doesn't look good with hair either.

00:06:48.000 You know, weird heads.

00:06:49.000 Weird heads are weird heads.

00:06:50.000 What you need to do is get one of them, like a head, like a fake butt.

00:06:54.000 Just put it in your head.

00:06:55.000 Implants.

00:06:56.000 That's a girl who's really touching.

00:06:57.000 I'm like, why is it all soft in the back?

00:06:59.000 That's probably totally a good idea.

00:07:02.000 Probably.

00:07:03.000 Most people aren't touching your head.

00:07:04.000 Well, you could always say, yeah, I was in a motorcycle accident.

00:07:07.000 Oh my god, that scar.

00:07:08.000 I love scars.

00:07:09.000 You tear me up.

00:07:10.000 Meanwhile, you just had a butt put in the back of your head, like a fake plate.

00:07:15.000 It feels like a rotting apple.

00:07:17.000 Just the consistency of it.

00:07:19.000 We're laughing at this.

00:07:20.000 Right?

00:07:21.000 But they do that to chins. 0.58

00:07:23.000 Put double chins in? 0.97

00:07:24.000 They put a fake chin in people.

00:07:27.000 It's super common.

00:07:28.000 What do you mean?

00:07:29.000 They put a fake chin on people.

00:07:31.000 Who does that?

00:07:32.000 Plastic surgeons.

00:07:33.000 I think they go in through the lip area, or the teeth are, and they shove, like, an implant in your chin.

00:07:41.000 Because some people have, like, very small chins.

00:07:43.000 Like, their chin is tucked up in their neck, and they feel like it's unattractive.

00:07:47.000 I know chinless people.

00:07:48.000 It's weird.

00:07:48.000 Brian Keith Eiffage.

00:07:49.000 He's chinless.

00:07:50.000 Does it bother him?

00:07:51.000 No, he makes jokes about it.

00:07:52.000 That's good.

00:07:52.000 Yeah.

00:07:53.000 That's good.

00:07:54.000 Some people don't like joke around about it so they get a piece of plastic screwed into their chin.

00:08:00.000 People take it to the next level and then go too long?

00:08:02.000 They do at the back of their head.

00:08:03.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:08:04.000 Dudes with a flat back of the head.

00:08:05.000 Flat back?

00:08:06.000 Round that shit out, man.

00:08:08.000 Look like a normal dude.

00:08:09.000 I mean, I'm not against that.

00:08:10.000 I guess I'm not against that.

00:08:12.000 If they can make it feel like a skull back there...

00:08:14.000 Instead of just some fucking... 1.00

00:08:16.000 Imagine if it gets loose.

00:08:17.000 Stretch Armstrong.

00:08:18.000 Oh yeah, it starts leaking out.

00:08:20.000 What if you're banging a girl and she grabs your head and she pops it loose and she thinks she broke your skull?

00:08:27.000 That'd be a good way to go to leave.

00:08:31.000 You broke my skull!

00:08:31.000 You're a fucking crazy bitch!

00:08:33.000 You broke my head!

00:08:37.000 What happened to your head?

00:08:39.000 You did something.

00:08:41.000 Which?

00:08:42.000 They got some fucking wallboard screws.

00:08:45.000 Tighten that bitch down. 1.00

00:08:47.000 That's wholesale like replacements.

00:08:50.000 Those seem weird.

00:08:52.000 Putting a fucking plastic plate on the back of your head is not...

00:08:56.000 I guarantee you there's a plastic surgeon out there right now running to a notepad and writing this shit down.

00:09:02.000 And he's going to offer it to dudes with flat heads.

00:09:04.000 Are you a flat back?

00:09:06.000 You'll have to convince somebody they have a flat head.

00:09:08.000 Did your parents never buy you a pillow until you were old enough to complain?

00:09:11.000 Is the back of your head flat like a table?

00:09:14.000 Well, flat back no more.

00:09:19.000 Thanks to Dr. Krickenheimer.

00:09:21.000 Dr. Krickenheimer specializes in making your fucking mutant, alien, rodent-looking head attractive. 0.92

00:09:28.000 Did you think you were fine?

00:09:29.000 You're not.

00:09:29.000 You're not fine.

00:09:30.000 You're not fine.

00:09:31.000 No.

00:09:32.000 No.

00:09:33.000 How about those weird ancient cultures that used to flatten heads on purpose? 1.00

00:09:38.000 Mm-hmm.

00:09:39.000 You ever seen those Peruvium?

00:09:40.000 I think it's Peru, I believe.

00:09:42.000 Yeah, well, they think the Egyptian thing...

00:09:44.000 Was that implants on the long chin?

00:09:45.000 They could have fucked with the shape of their head, but they also could have been, like, inbreeding.

00:09:50.000 Because apparently, like, Tutankhamen had a series of, like, we'll go to Tutankhamen next, Jamie.

00:09:58.000 No, go to these, like, well, you see that guy, the baby up there, where they're stretching the baby's head out?

00:10:02.000 See the black and white one right next to that, Jamie?

00:10:04.000 No, no.

00:10:05.000 The photo, the actual photo?

00:10:07.000 Go up.

00:10:08.000 Up.

00:10:08.000 The photo.

00:10:09.000 Oh, I see it.

00:10:09.000 Yeah, that one.

00:10:10.000 See?

00:10:11.000 That's like, that's an actual baby, where they're distorting this young baby's head while it's soft with pressure by these cords, and they tighten it down.

00:10:21.000 And this is modern times, because this is from- It's kind of a dumb head.

00:10:23.000 Yeah.

00:10:24.000 I mean, this is obviously from...

00:10:27.000 Look how interesting that looks.

00:10:28.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:10:29.000 Wow.

00:10:29.000 It's crazy.

00:10:30.000 Wow.

00:10:31.000 Yeah.

00:10:32.000 So they can make them look like aliens. 0.90

00:10:33.000 Oh, and they take it off.

00:10:35.000 Mm-hmm.

00:10:35.000 Wow.

00:10:36.000 It can totally, like, fuck the shape of your head up forever.

00:10:40.000 And then that's what your head's shaped like now.

00:10:42.000 Because it's all done when you're a baby and your head is really flexible.

00:10:45.000 Until your brain grows into that?

00:10:47.000 Yes.

00:10:47.000 Dude.

00:10:48.000 You're fucked.

00:10:49.000 Or you love it.

00:10:50.000 You know, whatever.

00:10:51.000 Might be your shit.

00:10:53.000 But if you look at the images of ancient Egypt, like right there, you just clicked on that one.

00:10:56.000 They think that that was maybe part of the practice that they were doing to differentiate them from the rest of the people.

00:11:05.000 So there was that.

00:11:06.000 But Tutankhamen apparently had a series of issues.

00:11:10.000 He had some degenerative issues.

00:11:13.000 They think that he might not have been healthy.

00:11:16.000 See if they, like, whatever.

00:11:17.000 See if they try to save them?

00:11:18.000 No, don't Google head shape.

00:11:19.000 Just go with medical issues.

00:11:23.000 Two-ton common medical issues.

00:11:24.000 Dude, I met those long net ladies in Thailand. 1.00

00:11:27.000 Oh, did you really?

00:11:28.000 Yeah.

00:11:29.000 Whoa.

00:11:29.000 They grip bigger and bigger, and they can't take them off because they get all wobbly.

00:11:33.000 Yeah, see, look, he had a cane and shit.

00:11:35.000 His body was all fucked up.

00:11:38.000 Why does it say he has breasts?

00:11:40.000 Why'd they give him breasts? 1.00

00:11:43.000 Ooh, visit Paige, please.

00:11:47.000 So we're looking at King Tut had feminine hips. 0.56

00:11:51.000 Farrell suffered from several afflictions because his parents were brother and sister.

00:11:57.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:11:58.000 Inbreeding!

00:12:00.000 Look at Leslie filling his hands.

00:12:02.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:12:04.000 That's some Game of Thrones type shit, son.

00:12:07.000 Probably about the humid face.

00:12:09.000 King Tut's list of ailments isn't the result of ancient Egyptian curse.

00:12:13.000 The researchers were able to point out a more scientific culprit incest.

00:12:18.000 Albert Zink, scientific director of the Institute of Mummies and the Icemen in Italy, used genetic fingerprinting and tests.

00:12:27.000 On mitochondrial DNA to determine that King Tut's parents were, without a shadow of a doubt, brother and sister.

00:12:34.000 Fuck.

00:12:35.000 Here's his list of things.

00:12:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:12:39.000 They just ruled out there was an Egyptian curse?

00:12:42.000 No curse.

00:12:43.000 Just ruled it out.

00:12:44.000 Finally.

00:12:46.000 How crazy is nature, man?

00:12:48.000 He had a prominent overbite, pronounced overbite.

00:12:52.000 Feminine hips, clubfoot. 0.97

00:12:54.000 Wow.

00:12:55.000 It's the world's first...

00:12:57.000 Lose bones in his foot.

00:12:58.000 Jesus Christ.

00:12:59.000 Loose bones in his foot?

00:13:00.000 Lose.

00:13:01.000 L-O-S-E. You're not supposed to fuck your brother or sister, huh? 1.00

00:13:03.000 You're not supposed to fuck your brother or sister.

00:13:05.000 It worked out pretty good in Game of Thrones.

00:13:09.000 Well, not really.

00:13:10.000 The one evil kid.

00:13:11.000 Yeah, but his body was alright.

00:13:13.000 The girl was fine.

00:13:14.000 They made the girl fine. 1.00

00:13:15.000 She had to get poisoned.

00:13:17.000 She was the only one that was fine.

00:13:18.000 This new one's a pussy. 1.00

00:13:19.000 God, he's such a pussy. 0.68

00:13:20.000 Such a pussy. 1.00

00:13:21.000 Makes me angry.

00:13:22.000 It's almost like they listen to the protests against them from the far, whatever, liberal.

00:13:29.000 They go, okay, fine.

00:13:30.000 This is what you want?

00:13:31.000 This is the kind of character you want?

00:13:33.000 Who can do nothing?

00:13:34.000 Fine.

00:13:34.000 Enjoy this for three seasons.

00:13:35.000 You know what doesn't make sense, though?

00:13:37.000 It's super hard to imagine someone abandoning their mom like that when they're that much of a pussy. 1.00

00:13:43.000 That's the most ridiculous aspect about it.

00:13:45.000 Because that's one thing that pussies want, is they want to be around their mommy. 1.00

00:13:49.000 Right?

00:13:49.000 You need your mom for support.

00:13:51.000 So, like, all of a sudden, he's so strong.

00:13:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:13:54.000 But who's in his ear?

00:13:55.000 The only chick who's ever given out the puss to him.

00:13:57.000 That's right.

00:13:58.000 That Pussy so strong. 1.00

00:13:59.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:00.000 So strong.

00:14:01.000 She's pretty, and she knows the fuck she's doing, and she's got a gay brother, so you know she's a freak. 1.00

00:14:05.000 Dude, those guys in America killed, all those guys killed their girlfriend's ex-husband or husband, right?

00:14:10.000 That's like a normal thing.

00:14:11.000 What was that girl's name?

00:14:12.000 What's that?

00:14:13.000 She went to jail.

00:14:14.000 Which girl? 0.93

00:14:14.000 She stayed like a student in high school and then made the student kill her husband. 0.93

00:14:18.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:14:20.000 God damn it.

00:14:21.000 There's been a bunch of them.

00:14:23.000 Not Letourneau, right?

00:14:25.000 Letourneau was just the one that...

00:14:26.000 No.

00:14:27.000 Pam Smart? 1.00

00:14:28.000 No.

00:14:29.000 You sure?

00:14:30.000 No.

00:14:30.000 I think it's Pam Smart.

00:14:32.000 I think she was the one who paid the high school kid to kill her husband. 0.99

00:14:35.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:36.000 You can't do that.

00:14:37.000 I mean, I bet there's a bunch of them.

00:14:38.000 You really can't do that.

00:14:40.000 It's really just now.

00:14:41.000 Well, people have definitely gotten away with it.

00:14:43.000 Yeah.

00:14:43.000 For every, like, dumb chick who hired two 15-year-olds, there's a smart lady who hired an actual assassin.

00:14:50.000 Right.

00:14:50.000 Oh, did you ever go down the Block Dahlia YouTube tools?

00:14:54.000 Yeah, I did.

00:14:54.000 I have.

00:14:55.000 I watched a whole special, one of those crime TV documentaries.

00:14:58.000 To watch them laugh.

00:15:00.000 I think it's so casual.

00:15:01.000 Like, you want to go for donuts?

00:15:02.000 It's a good donuts place over here.

00:15:04.000 Like, as they just finish this, you're going to kill my husband then.

00:15:07.000 Yeah.

00:15:08.000 And the way they say it, too, like, I just can't go through the divorce.

00:15:11.000 It's just...

00:15:12.000 It's almost, like, easier than letting him know, I don't love you anymore.

00:15:16.000 Yeah.

00:15:16.000 For some people, it is.

00:15:18.000 For some people, that actually becomes what they want to do instead.

00:15:22.000 They're like, I don't want to go through this divorce.

00:15:24.000 I don't like this guy.

00:15:25.000 I'll just fucking whack him.

00:15:28.000 Shut off.

00:15:29.000 Yeah, they just don't want to do it anymore.

00:15:30.000 Because if you think about it, right...

00:15:33.000 You gotta get divorced, this dude.

00:15:35.000 What if he gets mad and beats you up?

00:15:37.000 What if he denies your money?

00:15:39.000 What if, you know, what if he fucking kicks you out on the street?

00:15:42.000 I mean, if you don't care about him at all, then yeah, that's the easier way to go.

00:15:46.000 There's just some people out there that are just fucking nuts.

00:15:50.000 They're just fucking nuts.

00:15:51.000 And if you run into those people...

00:15:54.000 You got a fucking problem.

00:15:56.000 You got a fucking problem.

00:15:57.000 They're just fucking nuts.

00:15:58.000 And if you marry one of those people, and you live with one of those people for a long time, then you try to break up with them, you got a fucking problem.

00:16:03.000 So what are you gonna do?

00:16:04.000 What are you gonna do?

00:16:05.000 You're some lady from Nebraska who just wants to be on her own. 1.00

00:16:08.000 Just wants to be free.

00:16:09.000 The clutches of her father held her down when she was young, and now she's got this fucking asshole, this man, that she's like legally obligated, and he says he's gonna kill her if she leaves? 0.98

00:16:18.000 Oh.

00:16:19.000 Yeah.

00:16:19.000 No, I don't think so, bitch.

00:16:21.000 Dahlia Del Belito, she was calling the guy in afterwards when she found out he was still alive.

00:16:25.000 She was like, Mark, get in here.

00:16:27.000 Mark, come help me.

00:16:28.000 And he's like, I can't.

00:16:30.000 And you tried to have me killed.

00:16:31.000 She kept going, stop, don't believe that.

00:16:33.000 He's like, they showed me.

00:16:34.000 He goes, that's fake.

00:16:37.000 He was almost still swaying to go back to her.

00:16:39.000 Oh my God.

00:16:40.000 He was almost like, and he's like, I can't help anyway.

00:16:43.000 They have you trying to hire someone to kill me.

00:16:45.000 It's out of my hands.

00:16:47.000 They have you on camera, bitch. 1.00

00:16:49.000 Yeah.

00:16:51.000 Brings you back in.

00:16:53.000 And they're such good actresses. 1.00

00:16:55.000 Mm-hmm.

00:16:55.000 When they find out...

00:16:57.000 When they supposedly find out their husband got killed.

00:17:00.000 Well, they're insane.

00:17:01.000 Yeah.

00:17:02.000 Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of people out there that are getting people whacked are completely fucking insane.

00:17:06.000 Yeah.

00:17:07.000 They can shut off.

00:17:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:09.000 They're just disconnected.

00:17:10.000 I wonder if you met them...

00:17:11.000 Or from the truth.

00:17:12.000 I wonder if you met them if you would feel that.

00:17:14.000 I wonder if you'd feel that vibe if you were talking to them.

00:17:17.000 I think it's just compartmentalizing.

00:17:19.000 You shut that door and then let it in as if it's new information.

00:17:23.000 There's also people that have killed people before, and it gets easier.

00:17:27.000 Like that story, Jamie, that you were telling me about, that they suspected some seal stabbed some guy after a fight.

00:17:33.000 They got in a fight, and then afterwards, I don't know, to pull the guy's name up, who knows if it's even true.

00:17:39.000 He stabbed him?

00:17:40.000 Yeah, he stabbed him.

00:17:41.000 Because he had the bloodlust.

00:17:43.000 Well, they got in a fight, apparently, and then afterwards they arrested him because the guy got stabbed somewhere and died, and they think it might be connected.

00:17:51.000 But you gotta imagine, just forget about this story, which I don't know what happened, right?

00:17:55.000 I'm trying to be fair as fuck.

00:17:57.000 But a guy who you teach how to kill people, who you hire to kill people, and order to kill people, is probably used to fucking killing people, right?

00:18:06.000 And some people aren't.

00:18:07.000 And they might say something crazy, like, I'll fucking kill you, bitch. 1.00

00:18:09.000 I'm gonna see you on the street.

00:18:10.000 I'm gonna kill you.

00:18:11.000 And they say that to a Navy SEAL. And he goes, oh, really?

00:18:15.000 He's already seen a bunch of people die.

00:18:17.000 He's like, okay.

00:18:18.000 Well, I'm going to remember that.

00:18:19.000 And then he waits until you get outside of that building and say, hey, dude, I don't really want you to kill me, so I'm going to kill you.

00:18:24.000 And he fucking kills you.

00:18:25.000 So, like, who knows what happened?

00:18:28.000 But I would assume that if a dude gets super used to killing people and really good at it, that's not the guy to fuck with.

00:18:37.000 Yeah.

00:18:37.000 I'm not going to pull it up, but I just Googled it again.

00:18:39.000 His lawyer, he might not have done it.

00:18:40.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:18:41.000 There you go.

00:18:42.000 I heard this thing on...

00:18:43.000 You never know.

00:18:44.000 Sorry, but I was gonna say, people that get in bar fights, they have a lot of fucking people that hate him.

00:18:50.000 It could easily be a coincidence.

00:18:51.000 Yeah.

00:18:52.000 The reason, too, of the fight is what they were saying is that he detained him on the pier for allegedly taking pictures of underage girls.

00:18:58.000 So...

00:18:58.000 Oh.

00:18:59.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:19:01.000 Well, maybe, yeah.

00:19:02.000 Okay, well, there you go.

00:19:03.000 There might be a lot of people that wanted to kill that guy.

00:19:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:19:06.000 If you're taking pictures of underage girls, you haven't, like, led an awesome, pristine life, and then one day you're like, you know what, man?

00:19:13.000 Oh, that's what I wanted to tell you.

00:19:15.000 Hey! 0.99

00:19:16.000 Did you hear the shit they found at Michael Jackson's place?

00:19:19.000 Oh, wait, hold on.

00:19:20.000 Let me think of what it could be first.

00:19:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:19:23.000 I mean, definitely underage child porn.

00:19:26.000 Maybe a body.

00:19:27.000 No.

00:19:28.000 Well, just go ahead with your ideas.

00:19:30.000 Yeah, let me think what else it could be.

00:19:31.000 Like a whole underground ranch, like another whole play area for when the apocalypse comes, that kind of thing.

00:19:38.000 Or, possibly even, some unreleased tapes of music that you never put out.

00:19:45.000 What if they found a cache?

00:19:46.000 Let's be honest here.

00:19:48.000 They found a cache of photos of Michael Jackson getting his dick sucked by boys.

00:19:54.000 And right next to that cache was one of the best goddamn albums that Michael's ever put out.

00:20:00.000 And what if the music company is the ones that found it?

00:20:03.000 Wait, what?

00:20:03.000 And they get together, they have a little music meeting.

00:20:06.000 What do we do here?

00:20:07.000 We got two options.

00:20:08.000 Either, everybody assumes that he fucks some kids, but there's no proof.

00:20:13.000 So we forgive him, and we buy his music.

00:20:15.000 Or, we let these photos get out.

00:20:18.000 And we ruin the legacy of one of the greatest artists of all time.

00:20:21.000 Look, we're not gonna save these kids from sucking his dick. 1.00

00:20:24.000 They sucked his dick. 0.98

00:20:25.000 It's gone.

00:20:25.000 It's water under the bridge.

00:20:26.000 It would be a greater crime if we didn't release this music to the public.

00:20:30.000 Now you're talking like a Jew! 1.00

00:20:31.000 We burn these dirty photos.

00:20:33.000 They're gonna cost money.

00:20:34.000 They're gonna take food out of the mouths of your children. 1.00

00:20:37.000 These photos.

00:20:37.000 Well, that's not fair.

00:20:39.000 My children didn't do anything.

00:20:40.000 It's not fair.

00:20:40.000 Your kids didn't do anything.

00:20:41.000 My children didn't come on to a superstar.

00:20:43.000 Sal, your kids are good kids.

00:20:45.000 They deserve the best education they can.

00:20:47.000 Yeah, that's a good point.

00:20:48.000 We can't sink this ship.

00:20:49.000 That's a good point.

00:20:49.000 Let's burn these fucking pictures.

00:20:51.000 They probably have a furnace going 24-7 at any major record label just in case something like that comes up and they could chuck a hard drive in there.

00:20:58.000 What did they find?

00:21:01.000 They found photos of adult bodies with kids' faces engaged in pornographic acts.

00:21:09.000 Like, weird pornography, allegedly.

00:21:13.000 This is all allegedly.

00:21:14.000 Who alleged?

00:21:15.000 Because I haven't seen it, and I don't know what's...

00:21:18.000 Yeah, pull up one of the articles.

00:21:19.000 Pull up this! 0.94

00:21:20.000 It's even more than what you're just saying.

00:21:22.000 Well, it's animal mutilation, too, right?

00:21:23.000 Mm-hmm.

00:21:24.000 He had photos of that?

00:21:26.000 Yeah, he had photos of...

00:21:27.000 I might have some of that, too.

00:21:29.000 Among the items found were pictures of adult bodies with children's faces superimposed on them, sexy pictures of his nephews in their underwear, pictures of bleeding children and animals, including a photo of a child holding what looks like a goose bludgeoned to death, diaries, audiotapes, videotapes,

00:21:45.000 prescription drugs to treat sex addiction.

00:21:48.000 One insider claimed that Michael Jackson had a book called Room to Play, which included a picture of JonBenet Ramsey lookalike with a noose around her neck.

00:21:56.000 What?

00:21:56.000 But what is that one insider?

00:21:58.000 Whoever that insider is, like, I never trust that when I read that somewhere.

00:22:02.000 Yeah, and you can't show the pictures we're talking about because underage stuff.

00:22:06.000 But then how am I supposed to form, just, nah.

00:22:08.000 It's hard to form an opinion.

00:22:09.000 Yeah.

00:22:10.000 But that term, one insider, makes me super skeptical.

00:22:14.000 Oh, right.

00:22:15.000 It could be one liar.

00:22:17.000 Well, the problem is, like, when you say something like that, one insider, what that tells me is you either don't have enough...

00:22:24.000 Whoa, whoa, back up.

00:22:25.000 Up, yep.

00:22:26.000 No, no.

00:22:26.000 Other way.

00:22:27.000 Other way.

00:22:27.000 Down.

00:22:28.000 Yeah.

00:22:29.000 Okay.

00:22:30.000 Ron Zonin, a former Santa Barbara DA, was on the prosecution team, told Radar.

00:22:34.000 Okay, and then...

00:22:36.000 Well, okay, well that guy, he's saying something.

00:22:38.000 Yeah, he's saying a lot of this stuff was used to desensitize the children.

00:22:41.000 He added, we identified five different boys who all made allegations of sexual abuse.

00:22:46.000 There's not much question in my mind that Michael was guilty of child molestation.

00:22:50.000 Woo! 0.99

00:22:51.000 That's heavy.

00:22:52.000 Yeah.

00:22:53.000 But we kind of knew that.

00:22:54.000 Yeah, but that's also a guy who can never prove it, so maybe he's still like...

00:22:57.000 See, but the weird shit is like the...

00:22:59.000 Wow, he looks great in his mugshot.

00:23:01.000 He looks really different.

00:23:03.000 Yeah.

00:23:04.000 That's skeleton, Michael.

00:23:06.000 Well, he looks like some sort of a creation.

00:23:09.000 Like, that's barely a human anymore.

00:23:12.000 Whatever he's done to his face.

00:23:13.000 He looks like CGI of like two years ago.

00:23:16.000 So strange.

00:23:17.000 Well, you know what it looks like?

00:23:18.000 A claymation, maybe?

00:23:19.000 Yeah, like a claymation.

00:23:20.000 I was just gonna say that.

00:23:21.000 Yeah, like some sort of a...

00:23:23.000 Pinocchio?

00:23:24.000 Artistic representation of the someone.

00:23:27.000 Not an actual someone.

00:23:28.000 Yeah.

00:23:30.000 Like, have you ever seen that Barbie lady? 1.00

00:23:31.000 The Russian Barbie lady? 0.99

00:23:33.000 No.

00:23:33.000 Dude, this girl's spent like a hundred thousand dollars on surgery to turn herself into a real-life Barbie.

00:23:41.000 So she doesn't look like a person.

00:23:44.000 She had her eyes widened and shit. 1.00

00:23:46.000 That's her? 0.97

00:23:47.000 Yeah, dude.

00:23:48.000 That wasn't a real person.

00:23:49.000 Yep, it's a real person.

00:23:50.000 No fucking way!

00:23:50.000 Go back to that!

00:23:51.000 It's just, we got this little issue.

00:23:53.000 No, that is not a real person.

00:23:54.000 Yes, it is, dude.

00:23:55.000 It is.

00:23:55.000 Yeah, there's a bunch of film of her.

00:23:58.000 Actually, make sure that's true.

00:23:59.000 That's a drawing.

00:24:01.000 I've seen at least one television show that had her on. 1.00

00:24:04.000 And she can walk fine.

00:24:07.000 They're all saying a person that shape couldn't walk.

00:24:10.000 Well, you can.

00:24:11.000 Yeah.

00:24:12.000 Most people can never be that shape.

00:24:14.000 Well, they put corsets on. 1.00

00:24:16.000 They smoosh their body down.

00:24:17.000 But look like her eyes.

00:24:18.000 Her eyes with a line under it.

00:24:20.000 Wugga, wugga, wugga. 0.94

00:24:22.000 It's weird, man.

00:24:25.000 Like right there.

00:24:26.000 That's a perfect example.

00:24:27.000 That photo.

00:24:28.000 That does not look real.

00:24:29.000 First of all, that's a filter.

00:24:31.000 How old is she? 0.98

00:24:31.000 This ruins the purpose of this by them taking these photos with filters. 0.98

00:24:36.000 Because I could look like Barbie, too, with filters.

00:24:39.000 You know?

00:24:40.000 Yeah.

00:24:41.000 You should show this in a raw, gritty, close-up.

00:24:44.000 I want to see a video of her talking.

00:24:47.000 Exactly.

00:24:48.000 Well, that's what she used to look like. 1.00

00:24:49.000 And that's what she looks like now.

00:24:50.000 Wow.

00:24:50.000 You know what?

00:24:51.000 She was hot. 1.00

00:24:52.000 She was pretty. 0.97

00:24:53.000 Yeah.

00:24:53.000 She was pretty.

00:24:54.000 She was ethnic looking. 0.89

00:24:55.000 She looked hot. 0.99

00:24:57.000 She looks redneck hot to me. 1.00

00:24:58.000 Yeah, that's what I like.

00:25:01.000 Barefoot, drunk.

00:25:02.000 No way!

00:25:03.000 Crazy.

00:25:05.000 Yeah, look at these eyes, man.

00:25:07.000 Sleep where I want them.

00:25:09.000 Look at her eyes.

00:25:10.000 The whole thing is so strange.

00:25:12.000 Now that doesn't look too filtered, but it's definitely filtered, right?

00:25:16.000 She looks like an ec machina. 0.70

00:25:19.000 Yeah, right?

00:25:19.000 That's going to be your fucked all of the future.

00:25:22.000 That's close enough that I would go for that.

00:25:24.000 Oh, you would definitely go for it.

00:25:25.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:25:25.000 That's coming.

00:25:27.000 That's coming?

00:25:28.000 100%.

00:25:29.000 100%.

00:25:31.000 That'll be one of the first versions of commercial artificial intelligence.

00:25:38.000 Or it drives every industry.

00:25:40.000 Sure.

00:25:40.000 That was more than porn, my friend.

00:25:42.000 Yeah.

00:25:43.000 That's some sort of a prostitutional loophole. 1.00

00:25:46.000 Yeah.

00:25:47.000 You know?

00:25:47.000 I mean, people are already using those fleshlights.

00:25:49.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:50.000 Wouldn't a real feeling human-y...

00:25:54.000 Yeah.

00:25:54.000 That'd be way better.

00:25:55.000 Oh, fuck yeah.

00:25:56.000 Dude, they're probably going to figure out a way to make it have actual skin.

00:26:00.000 Yeah.

00:26:01.000 Yeah.

00:26:01.000 I mean, they can make skin in a lab.

00:26:03.000 They figured out how to make skin. 0.61

00:26:05.000 So if they make skin...

00:26:06.000 Are they really?

00:26:07.000 Oh, yeah.

00:26:07.000 Yeah.

00:26:08.000 So they can make actual skin on a fuck doll? 1.00

00:26:10.000 Yeah.

00:26:11.000 Whoa.

00:26:12.000 They can reproduce like little things like they've reproduced a person's bladder. 0.99

00:26:16.000 What?

00:26:17.000 Or a woman got bladder cancer and they recreated her bladder with stem cells.

00:26:20.000 From stem cells?

00:26:21.000 Mm-hmm.

00:26:22.000 And put it back in her body. 0.98

00:26:23.000 What do you mean they can't use it to make hair?

00:26:25.000 They're going to...

00:26:29.000 They're going to figure it out eventually.

00:26:31.000 But the organ thing, they're going to figure that out too.

00:26:35.000 They're going to be able to replace hearts and livers and all kinds of different things and make them all in a lab and then put them in your body.

00:26:40.000 It's going to be real weird.

00:26:41.000 But they're definitely going to be able to make a skin.

00:26:44.000 Could you feel the heart beating while you're fucking a woman? 1.00

00:26:47.000 Maybe she doesn't have a heartbeat, bro.

00:26:49.000 I mean, can they make that?

00:26:51.000 One that doesn't have a heartbeat?

00:26:52.000 No, one that does.

00:26:53.000 One that does.

00:26:53.000 Oh, for sure.

00:26:54.000 Definitely.

00:26:54.000 You have to beat a human before they're like, oh no, you can't.

00:26:57.000 You have to ask permission from that.

00:26:58.000 You know what, man?

00:26:59.000 I think it's gonna slip under the radar.

00:27:01.000 How much brains and heart would they have to get?

00:27:03.000 Who could give permission for this shit?

00:27:05.000 Yeah.

00:27:06.000 It gets into almost like this God realm.

00:27:08.000 Yeah.

00:27:09.000 What point do you get?

00:27:10.000 I'm alive.

00:27:11.000 Well, if you keep going, right?

00:27:13.000 If you take...

00:27:15.000 Whatever sort of robots they have now.

00:27:18.000 They have some kind of goofy looking robots, you know, that can mostly just torsos, they talk, and some of the bodies move pretty decent.

00:27:25.000 If you just go a hundred years from now, do you have any idea how crazy whatever the fuck they have now is going to be in a hundred years?

00:27:34.000 It's going to be impossible for us to imagine because there's inventions that you need to have for the big inventions.

00:27:41.000 The tools to make that haven't been invented.

00:27:44.000 There's gonna be some leaps in the understanding of the very nature of the universe itself and they're gonna be able to change all sorts of stuff that they do and Life itself is also gonna be on that list.

00:27:56.000 They're gonna make it man They're gonna they're gonna make it and even if they make it like a fuck doll that has like a limited brain That it's only good for like fuck activities.

00:28:04.000 You can't have it as a friend.

00:28:05.000 Yeah You just come home, and this thing has some sort of an artificial brain that wants to suck dick. 1.00

00:28:10.000 And that's all it is.

00:28:11.000 And she only wants to suck yours. 1.00

00:28:13.000 She's not a skank. 1.00

00:28:15.000 She's not running out fucking everybody else. 1.00

00:28:17.000 She just wants to wait for you to fuck the shit out of her. 1.00

00:28:20.000 And you're at work.

00:28:21.000 Oh, like that?

00:28:21.000 And you're looking at your watch like, I can't wait to get home and fuck the shit out of this thing.

00:28:26.000 Well, how come that's not okay?

00:28:28.000 It's not a real person.

00:28:28.000 How come that's not okay, but Xbox is okay?

00:28:31.000 I can't wait to go home and kill people.

00:28:34.000 We need to go home and fucking gun people down online.

00:28:37.000 How come?

00:28:37.000 I think women are gonna protest the fuck out of those fuck dolls.

00:28:40.000 Of course they will.

00:28:40.000 They lose all power.

00:28:41.000 They are not happy with that idea.

00:28:42.000 Especially when they give them away with an oil change to get a free fuck doll. 1.00

00:28:45.000 I wonder if they have like a shelf life in the beginning.

00:28:47.000 Like they deteriorate.

00:28:48.000 Like a person.

00:28:50.000 Die job.

00:28:51.000 It's like three, four weeks.

00:28:53.000 Wouldn't women go the other way with it too? 1.00

00:28:54.000 What?

00:28:55.000 They'd have fuck dolls. 1.00

00:28:56.000 Just ramming them the whole night.

00:28:58.000 Yeah, sure.

00:28:59.000 Absolutely.

00:28:59.000 Some would.

00:29:00.000 So some women who don't like dick, is that what you're saying? 1.00

00:29:02.000 No, they don't like guys.

00:29:04.000 They're tired of a dude?

00:29:05.000 Yeah.

00:29:05.000 They should get pounded all night and not have to deal with the guys.

00:29:07.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:29:08.000 Oh, so they would just hire some guy or build a robot for sure.

00:29:12.000 Yeah.

00:29:12.000 It's definitely going to happen for some women.

00:29:14.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:29:15.000 They would get a pudgy belly behind it. 1.00

00:29:16.000 They like that.

00:29:17.000 But you know what the problem is going to be?

00:29:20.000 People don't just have a desire to fuck. 0.99

00:29:22.000 They also have a desire for a deep connection with somebody.

00:29:25.000 Yeah, sure.

00:29:26.000 You don't get that.

00:29:28.000 You don't get that when you're fucked up.

00:29:29.000 Yeah, that would be a negative.

00:29:30.000 So it's people gonna go crazy.

00:29:31.000 They're gonna be sad and crying.

00:29:33.000 Almost like the same way people who live entirely online are completely socially fucked.

00:29:37.000 They said that about chat rooms 20 years ago.

00:29:39.000 And they were right.

00:29:41.000 Look around.

00:29:41.000 They are a little socially fucked.

00:29:43.000 Look around.

00:29:45.000 If you really do take it into consideration.

00:29:48.000 I mean, man.

00:29:51.000 There's going to be sad people.

00:29:52.000 Yeah, you would be like, I'm just...

00:29:53.000 You know people who have a porn addiction?

00:29:55.000 You ever meet those guys?

00:29:56.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:56.000 They're like, I had to stop.

00:29:57.000 It was getting crazy.

00:29:58.000 I couldn't concentrate on anything.

00:29:59.000 Yeah.

00:30:00.000 Well, that's what they're saying.

00:30:01.000 Michael Jackson had some sort of a sex addiction.

00:30:05.000 Jesus.

00:30:06.000 Dark. 0.73

00:30:07.000 Super dark.

00:30:08.000 Like midnight.

00:30:09.000 Ugh.

00:30:12.000 It's just spooky that that guy was doing that to these kids while he was the biggest star in the world.

00:30:18.000 I mean, we all know it's true.

00:30:21.000 Why do people still go and know?

00:30:23.000 Because they don't want to.

00:30:24.000 They don't want to believe.

00:30:25.000 Come on! 0.61

00:30:26.000 There's an elementary school in Hollywood.

00:30:29.000 The auditorium for the school is the Michael Jackson Auditorium.

00:30:33.000 Really?

00:30:33.000 Feel free to change that whenever you...

00:30:35.000 At least change to Auditorium ODD. That's Jamie's version of for sure change that.

00:30:41.000 Feel free.

00:30:45.000 Oh, that's so true.

00:30:46.000 God, how weird.

00:30:47.000 That many allegations!

00:30:49.000 Yeah, it's always 100% guilty if they're saying that they have all this stuff.

00:30:53.000 Yeah.

00:30:54.000 That's just, it's weird stuff, too, man.

00:30:56.000 The mutilated animals and shit, like, what's, hmm.

00:30:59.000 And if people still be like, he did everything but.

00:31:01.000 He did everything but.

00:31:02.000 He just liked to cuddle with them at night, didn't do anything creepy to them.

00:31:05.000 He looked at pictures, sure, but that's not actions.

00:31:07.000 Well, if you take a kid's head, here's the thing.

00:31:10.000 That might be the only way he could legally possess child pornography.

00:31:14.000 That might be the only way he could have legally possessed child pornography, by taking a photo of a kid's head and putting it on an adult's body where two adults are having sex, which is apparently what he did.

00:31:25.000 He superimposed the photos or had someone do it.

00:31:28.000 That might be like a legal loophole that allows you to watch child porn. 0.67

00:31:33.000 Oh.

00:31:34.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:31:35.000 Yeah.

00:31:36.000 Where you could have that and people...

00:31:38.000 You'd have to do a really good job of it, but yeah, for sure.

00:31:40.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:31:41.000 I want a young boy.

00:31:42.000 I don't know if there's any loopholes for child porn.

00:31:44.000 But it's not child porn, because it's adult porn.

00:31:44.000 No, you just have a picture of a guy, of a little boy's face.

00:31:48.000 No, I think you might have a point, though.

00:31:50.000 Because I think I read something recently about...

00:31:53.000 They were taking...

00:31:55.000 Goddammit, what was the...

00:31:56.000 They were saying...

00:31:57.000 Oh, it was about...

00:31:57.000 It had to do with anime.

00:31:59.000 It had to do with animated stuff.

00:32:01.000 And they were...

00:32:02.000 It was pretty explicitly saying that even animated child pornography...

00:32:08.000 Like if you did like CGI child porn...

00:32:09.000 So that's wrong too?

00:32:10.000 Yes.

00:32:11.000 Yes.

00:32:12.000 Wow, really?

00:32:14.000 Yeah.

00:32:15.000 Hmm, right?

00:32:16.000 What if they're like little anime baby pandas?

00:32:20.000 It seems like a release in Urge.

00:32:22.000 Gotta let him jerk off.

00:32:24.000 It's hard because you know what?

00:32:26.000 I'm with you.

00:32:26.000 And no one gets hurt in the making of it.

00:32:28.000 And I feel like a hypocrite because I've always resisted the pornography equals rape of women idea.

00:32:34.000 Because I just don't think it.

00:32:35.000 But then again, it doesn't do that to me.

00:32:39.000 Just because it doesn't do that to me doesn't mean it can't foster that in somebody.

00:32:43.000 But it's one of those things where like, okay, look, if you eat a whole bottle of aspirin, you could fucking die.

00:32:48.000 Should we only sell aspirin one at a time to prevent death?

00:32:51.000 Should you have to go to the store and buy one aspirin or should I fucking trust you with a hundred aspirin in your house?

00:32:56.000 I say trust me.

00:32:56.000 Trust you, right?

00:32:58.000 So that's got to be the same way with porn because for a lot of us, you watch porn, you're just watching two people have sex, you get excited, you jerk off, you feel better, you move on with your life.

00:33:07.000 You're taking care of a biological need.

00:33:08.000 It doesn't foster some fucking need to rape in a normal person. 1.00

00:33:12.000 I get more aggressive when I haven't had sex in two weeks.

00:33:15.000 I like how you bend down when you say that.

00:33:17.000 You're like, oh, more aggressive.

00:33:19.000 Yeah.

00:33:20.000 I mean, that's what gets me worked up.

00:33:22.000 Not getting laid.

00:33:23.000 Not watching porn.

00:33:24.000 This also could not be true.

00:33:24.000 There's been an update as of today, since we've been doing podcasts, that say Michael Jackson's estate reached out to Vanity Fair and said everything in these reports, including what the County of Santa Barbara calls content that appears to be obtained off the internet or through unknown sources,

00:33:40.000 is false.

00:33:41.000 Oh.

00:33:41.000 Of course they would do that.

00:33:42.000 And maybe that guy would just tell it to get him.

00:33:44.000 It's one website that started reporting all this.

00:33:47.000 That could all be bullshit.

00:33:49.000 Totally could be bullshit.

00:33:50.000 You know what?

00:33:51.000 I'm going to throw out the evidence of that guy, the former DA, because he's definitely got an axe to grind.

00:33:54.000 He's not impartial.

00:33:55.000 He could be upset that he didn't nab that guy.

00:33:59.000 Who the fuck knows, man?

00:34:01.000 It doesn't mean everything's thrown out.

00:34:03.000 Here's the thing, right?

00:34:04.000 If you know, if you knew that guy was guilty, And you couldn't do anything about it.

00:34:09.000 You couldn't get him.

00:34:09.000 Yeah.

00:34:10.000 And you were a former DA. You would fucking go to great lengths.

00:34:13.000 I'll go to the press.

00:34:13.000 Fuck him.

00:34:14.000 Fuck his legacy.

00:34:15.000 I know we did that shit.

00:34:16.000 You remember during the Mark Furman days, where they accused Mark Furman of planting evidence?

00:34:21.000 I think they're pretty sure he did, right?

00:34:24.000 Aren't they pretty sure he planted evidence?

00:34:26.000 Like, he planted blood or something?

00:34:27.000 In that documentary, I haven't watched it all yet, but they were saying something about it.

00:34:30.000 He showed up with, like, a baseball bat and some crazy shit, and they had to, like, talk him away from having a baseball bat.

00:34:35.000 OJ did? 0.97

00:34:36.000 No, no, Mark Furman did, I think.

00:34:37.000 He showed up somewhere with a baseball bat?

00:34:39.000 That night when the three detectives, and he was one of the three that showed up to OJ's house.

00:34:42.000 He had a bat with him, like, he was gonna...

00:34:44.000 Feed up OJ or some shit.

00:34:46.000 Are you sure?

00:34:47.000 Are you sure you don't have that story screwed up?

00:34:48.000 I thought it was OJ had a bat.

00:34:50.000 I'll look it up again.

00:34:51.000 I thought OJ was looking at him and wouldn't come out of the house because he saw that or something.

00:34:55.000 Oh, so Mark Furman was out of his house with a baseball bat.

00:34:58.000 I'll check.

00:34:59.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:35:00.000 So he's a loose cannon ready to beat OJ up.

00:35:01.000 Why would a cop have a baseball bat?

00:35:04.000 Don't you have a gun?

00:35:05.000 Guns are better to use, but...

00:35:07.000 You just want to beat the guy, maybe?

00:35:09.000 Intimidation factor?

00:35:09.000 Maybe he's not going to use it?

00:35:10.000 Just like...

00:35:11.000 Maybe he's into that Walkin' Tall movie.

00:35:13.000 Oh, no, you're right.

00:35:14.000 What?

00:35:14.000 I guess O.J. did have it.

00:35:15.000 Yeah.

00:35:16.000 Mark Furman had to pull out a baton on O.J. Simpson to get him to drop a baseball bat.

00:35:19.000 Yeah.

00:35:20.000 He battered Nicole when he called police.

00:35:22.000 So that was before that happened.

00:35:23.000 How dare you mix these things up?

00:35:24.000 Joe Rogan's shooting holes.

00:35:25.000 Damn.

00:35:25.000 How dare you?

00:35:27.000 That's the name of your new hunting podcast.

00:35:29.000 Ooh, shooting holes.

00:35:30.000 Yeah.

00:35:30.000 Yeehaw!

00:35:32.000 Holes and deer.

00:35:35.000 But the point was, they think that Mark Furman planted evidence, though.

00:35:38.000 So, like, if he did...

00:35:40.000 Though that's what they said.

00:35:41.000 Well, someone said he did.

00:35:43.000 Right?

00:35:44.000 I don't know if they proved it.

00:35:45.000 That's what the prosecution kept telling the press, for sure.

00:35:47.000 Or not the prosecution, the defense.

00:35:48.000 Yeah?

00:35:49.000 I mean, you know, they just...

00:35:50.000 Did you see that 30 for 30?

00:35:52.000 No, I did not.

00:35:52.000 I heard it's awesome, though.

00:35:54.000 Yeah, I haven't watched it yet.

00:35:55.000 Oh, you either.

00:35:56.000 Yeah.

00:35:56.000 We should both pretend we watched it and talk shit.

00:35:59.000 And have everybody online get angry.

00:36:02.000 Supposedly the best documentary ever made.

00:36:04.000 That's what I've been hearing a lot.

00:36:05.000 That's strong words.

00:36:07.000 Let's let it be out for a month before you decide it's the best thing ever.

00:36:10.000 They showed it at Sundance, and everyone watched the whole thing there in its entirety.

00:36:14.000 I've got two words for you.

00:36:15.000 Grizzly man.

00:36:18.000 That was a good movie.

00:36:19.000 Everybody stop.

00:36:22.000 But if the guy planted evidence, my point was if he knew that OJ did it, right?

00:36:26.000 If OJ had beat up his girlfriend before or his wife before and he had a baseball bat and they had to talk him down and, you know, but he was this football star and everybody kept it under wraps, if he fucking knew that the guy did it, like the guy was like close to doing it a couple of times and never did it like this with the baseball bat, I wonder what that fucking thought process is where I'm just gonna take one of these gloves,

00:36:45.000 dip it in a little bit of blood, and chuck it in his fucking bushes. 0.99

00:36:48.000 Yeah.

00:36:49.000 Fuck him.

00:36:50.000 Fuck him.

00:36:51.000 I know he did it.

00:36:52.000 Hey guys, I found something over here.

00:36:54.000 Holy shit, we got it.

00:36:55.000 It's the glove.

00:36:56.000 It's got her blood on it.

00:36:57.000 Quickly, in the bag.

00:36:59.000 Zip it tight.

00:37:00.000 Take it over to the lab.

00:37:01.000 Tested positive for Nicole's blood.

00:37:03.000 We got him!

00:37:04.000 We got him!

00:37:04.000 The glove didn't fit.

00:37:06.000 You must have quit.

00:37:07.000 How did it not fit?

00:37:08.000 Because he has big-ass hands, and he just went like that.

00:37:10.000 Was it really not his glove?

00:37:11.000 Spread his hands.

00:37:12.000 Oh, he just tried not to get it on.

00:37:13.000 Dude, if you watch it, it's ridiculous.

00:37:14.000 If you want to put a pair of gloves on, you go like this.

00:37:16.000 Yeah.

00:37:17.000 If you open your fingers, you're doing them to articulate your fingers into the holes.

00:37:20.000 I can't get it on.

00:37:21.000 You don't do that.

00:37:21.000 I can't get it on.

00:37:22.000 You don't fucking palm a basketball.

00:37:24.000 You know what I mean?

00:37:25.000 That's what he was doing.

00:37:26.000 I have another glove on, too.

00:37:28.000 A plastic glove underneath.

00:37:29.000 Did he?

00:37:30.000 I think so.

00:37:30.000 Oh, that's even more horrific.

00:37:32.000 I don't know.

00:37:32.000 Let's show a video of it.

00:37:33.000 Oh, my God.

00:37:34.000 This is one of the most preposterous moments in history.

00:37:37.000 They interrupted my some sort of sociology class in college and let one of this lady listen on the radio. 1.00

00:37:43.000 Oh, yeah, you're right, Jamie.

00:37:44.000 Tell us when the verdict comes in.

00:37:44.000 You're right.

00:37:45.000 By the way, it fits great.

00:37:47.000 See, they're saying, doesn't it fit?

00:37:49.000 Look at it.

00:37:50.000 He's got rubber gloves on underneath and he's pretending he can't get it any further.

00:37:52.000 What do you mean it doesn't fit?

00:37:53.000 It fits great.

00:37:56.000 For those rubber gloves?

00:37:58.000 Look at that.

00:37:59.000 It's rubber gloves.

00:38:03.000 Fits great.

00:38:04.000 No, it's a little off.

00:38:05.000 It's a little off him.

00:38:06.000 I can see what he's saying.

00:38:07.000 He can't get over the knuckle.

00:38:08.000 People's 164A. Is that the right hand glove?

00:38:13.000 He's like, I can't.

00:38:14.000 I can't do it.

00:38:14.000 It looks like he's pretending like he's trying to get them on.

00:38:16.000 It doesn't look as preposterous as I remember.

00:38:19.000 But I remember it.

00:38:21.000 Meemaw Fanny Bravo is here. 0.99

00:38:22.000 He'd have me convinced.

00:38:24.000 I'm telling you, bro!

00:38:26.000 It's his son!

00:38:28.000 Okay, let me see these gloves, OJ. Pull them up.

00:38:30.000 He's pulling on.

00:38:31.000 He's actually legitimately pulling on.

00:38:32.000 Yeah, he's trying.

00:38:33.000 He's trying.

00:38:33.000 But he does have rubber gloves on underneath.

00:38:35.000 But that's not that much.

00:38:37.000 No, it's a big difference if you have a pair of Italian racing gloves.

00:38:40.000 Those are thin little.

00:38:42.000 Yeah, but that's the point.

00:38:43.000 Those Italian racing gloves, they fit right over your skin.

00:38:47.000 They're for racing.

00:38:48.000 That's what those are.

00:38:48.000 And murdering.

00:38:50.000 And murdering.

00:38:54.000 Do you think the people who own the glove company were like, can we use this?

00:38:56.000 Is this good for us?

00:38:58.000 Can we market this at all?

00:38:59.000 Let's just leak it.

00:39:02.000 Leak it to the press.

00:39:03.000 I don't want to promote it.

00:39:04.000 That would be a great billboard at the time to have Mondavi gloves.

00:39:08.000 You know you've seen them.

00:39:09.000 Well, that's what Joey Diaz said they were doing in New York after Len Bias died.

00:39:15.000 They were selling his coke.

00:39:16.000 This is the shit that killed Len Bias, dog. 0.98

00:39:18.000 Get over here and get some of this. 0.95

00:39:20.000 That's what Joey said about the shit that killed Freddy Soto.

00:39:23.000 He's like, I want that good shit.

00:39:25.000 Give me this shit you sold Freddy Soto.

00:39:26.000 God's hunger, don't hold back at me.

00:39:28.000 That's Joey's go-to move when someone dies.

00:39:31.000 Use them to get better drugs.

00:39:35.000 To use their memory.

00:39:36.000 To joke about it, saying that he wants that.

00:39:41.000 It's the only good stuff.

00:39:42.000 If there was a drug that you could buy that killed a guy, like say if there was a guy like Len Bias today and cocaine was legal, and this guy was buying Pepsi cocaine.

00:39:53.000 Sorry, Pepsi.

00:39:55.000 I didn't mean nothing about that.

00:39:56.000 Don't do it.

00:39:57.000 And if they died, do you think the sales would go up?

00:40:01.000 For sure, right?

00:40:02.000 Yeah.

00:40:03.000 100%.

00:40:03.000 Yeah.

00:40:04.000 Yeah.

00:40:06.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:40:07.000 For sure.

00:40:07.000 If you've killed someone famous like that?

00:40:09.000 If you've got Mike's Coke, dude, it's Mike's Coke.

00:40:12.000 Is this the Mike's Coke that killed a basketball player?

00:40:14.000 Dude, it's the shit.

00:40:16.000 Dude, if I saw some weed that gave someone a panic attack, I would be like, no, no, no, let me try.

00:40:20.000 People use it as a bragging right.

00:40:22.000 What's his name?

00:40:25.000 Don't say his name?

00:40:27.000 DiPaolo.

00:40:27.000 Oh, did he?

00:40:28.000 Nick did?

00:40:28.000 Of course he did.

00:40:29.000 And he was like, alright, it was too much for me.

00:40:30.000 I was like, save me that weed.

00:40:31.000 You need to save that for me.

00:40:33.000 I'll be home soon.

00:40:34.000 It was over the winter.

00:40:35.000 I was like, I will be home.

00:40:36.000 I need to try that.

00:40:37.000 What is he doing?

00:40:38.000 Edibles before he goes to bed?

00:40:39.000 I don't know.

00:40:40.000 A lot of people like that.

00:40:41.000 It's a relaxing thing before they go to bed.

00:40:43.000 It's real popular with the kids these days.

00:40:46.000 Yeah, sleep the whole night.

00:40:47.000 Yeah, but you can fucking, you can go on a bad ride. 1.00

00:40:51.000 You can definitely go on a bad ride.

00:40:53.000 You gotta be careful.

00:40:54.000 Did you wake up and forget?

00:40:55.000 Barris went to the hospital.

00:40:56.000 I had crazy dreams about being on slippery rooftops.

00:40:59.000 Woo! 0.99

00:40:59.000 Really? 0.99

00:41:00.000 On edibles?

00:41:01.000 Yeah.

00:41:01.000 Edible dreams.

00:41:02.000 Interesting.

00:41:04.000 Edible dreams are slippery.

00:41:06.000 Being on scary rooftops?

00:41:07.000 Yeah, slippery rooftops.

00:41:08.000 So you're just always falling off?

00:41:10.000 Near the edge, near the edge.

00:41:11.000 Woo! 0.99

00:41:11.000 Scary. 0.99

00:41:13.000 Why am I up here?

00:41:14.000 Why am I up here?

00:41:15.000 You're never in your dream like, what am I even doing here?

00:41:16.000 I don't come to places like this.

00:41:17.000 How did I get up here?

00:41:18.000 Yeah, what am I doing on a roof?

00:41:20.000 Yeah.

00:41:21.000 That was every scene in Memento, not Memento, Inception.

00:41:24.000 Oh, yeah.

00:41:25.000 It was like, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:41:26.000 When did I get here?

00:41:28.000 Oh, fuck.

00:41:29.000 That movie was very weird.

00:41:30.000 It was so good, though.

00:41:32.000 Have you watched it twice?

00:41:33.000 No, I need to watch it a second time.

00:41:34.000 Yeah, me too, me too.

00:41:36.000 Yeah, I enjoyed it, but I didn't enjoy it as much as a lot of people enjoyed it.

00:41:40.000 I thought it was just...

00:41:42.000 Here's the deal.

00:41:43.000 It had me talking for two weeks after.

00:41:44.000 You know what the problem is?

00:41:45.000 Which is a sign of a good movie.

00:41:46.000 Yeah, well, it's definitely a provocative movie and fucking amazingly well done.

00:41:51.000 But the problem is not even with the movie itself, but with the idea of it.

00:41:58.000 When your reality that you're creating in whatever this dream state that they're putting these people into, right?

00:42:05.000 If the reality they're creating is that convincing, like, how is it any different?

00:42:09.000 Like, you're like, don't enjoy this.

00:42:11.000 This isn't even real.

00:42:13.000 Well, it's exactly the same thing as real.

00:42:16.000 Yeah, I get enjoyment out of it.

00:42:17.000 Yeah, it's not like, like, if you bought a fake Ferrari.

00:42:19.000 Well, that was his wife.

00:42:20.000 Yeah.

00:42:21.000 His wife's like, no, no, I'm staying here. 0.81

00:42:22.000 Yeah.

00:42:22.000 This is great.

00:42:24.000 Yeah, why not?

00:42:24.000 Why wouldn't you stay?

00:42:25.000 Where the fuck are you going to go?

00:42:26.000 Are you going to go to the real world?

00:42:27.000 I want to go to the world where I can touch it and know I can put it on a scale.

00:42:31.000 Oh wait, his wife wasn't real.

00:42:33.000 One of them wasn't real.

00:42:34.000 They're all fucking just as real.

00:42:35.000 His wife died.

00:42:35.000 That's it.

00:42:36.000 He remade his wife and she turned evil.

00:42:38.000 Perfect.

00:42:39.000 Perfect.

00:42:39.000 Like, what are you complaining about?

00:42:41.000 What, you need to be in the real world, you pussy? 1.00

00:42:43.000 Yeah.

00:42:43.000 It's the same exact world.

00:42:45.000 It feels exactly the same.

00:42:46.000 You're going through it the same way.

00:42:48.000 Yeah, if you could drive a brand new Ferrari, get the smell.

00:42:51.000 Dude, have you ever tried to quit something, like carbs or cigarettes or anything like that?

00:42:55.000 Yes.

00:42:55.000 Or even coffee, and you dream about the thing you've quit?

00:42:59.000 Probably.

00:42:59.000 I've had dreams about cigarettes, and I wake up with a negative feeling like, fuck!

00:43:03.000 I goddamn smoked again!

00:43:04.000 It takes me like 20 or 30 minutes to get the feeling out of me.

00:43:08.000 Like, no, it's just a dream, but the feeling remains.

00:43:10.000 You're a weird one when it comes to this cigarette thing, but you're a weird one in that, you know, when you describe it, you have a very honest way of describing the addiction to cigarettes.

00:43:24.000 You're a smart dude, so you know exactly what's going on.

00:43:26.000 What do you mean?

00:43:27.000 But you know what's going on, like the weirdness of this, the addiction to cigarettes.

00:43:31.000 It's weird.

00:43:32.000 So when you quit, when you quit and you would talk about this desire, even though you intellectualize the fact that it's stupid.

00:43:39.000 Chemical addiction.

00:43:39.000 But your way of describing it is very honest in the way that it's like, oh, okay.

00:43:45.000 It's like a demon.

00:43:46.000 You can't get around it.

00:43:48.000 Or it'll fuck you.

00:43:49.000 Like, come on.

00:43:50.000 Come back to me.

00:43:56.000 Climbs into your breath.

00:43:58.000 I'm in you again.

00:44:00.000 Moving around your lungs.

00:44:04.000 Feels so good.

00:44:07.000 I was in Thailand.

00:44:08.000 Four years removed from a cigarette.

00:44:10.000 I've had a cigar or two, but those are quick.

00:44:12.000 You don't really inhale them.

00:44:15.000 And we were in a zoo late at night.

00:44:17.000 PDC had a cigarette.

00:44:18.000 I was like, you know, this feels fucking right.

00:44:20.000 Warm out, you know?

00:44:21.000 Yeah.

00:44:21.000 I was like, let me have one.

00:44:22.000 I smoked like two, three quarters of it.

00:44:25.000 And I was like, okay, cool, I'm done.

00:44:27.000 And then the next day I was like, I want a cigarette.

00:44:30.000 It was right back in, just like you were saying.

00:44:32.000 Just like that act out.

00:44:33.000 Wow.

00:44:33.000 It gets in there again.

00:44:34.000 I had to be like, no, no, no.

00:44:35.000 Come on, Nari.

00:44:37.000 No, I made a mistake last night.

00:44:39.000 Smart people smoke cigarettes.

00:44:41.000 No, we should not have done that again.

00:44:43.000 No.

00:44:44.000 No.

00:44:45.000 Come on, man, I'm relaxing.

00:44:48.000 Just come in for a second, but then you gotta go.

00:44:50.000 I'll make you calm.

00:44:52.000 What?

00:44:53.000 We shouldn't do that anymore.

00:44:54.000 Come on, man, chill out.

00:44:59.000 All right, today, this is the last time.

00:45:00.000 Then this is the last time.

00:45:03.000 Then no more after this, though, all right?

00:45:06.000 Say it.

00:45:08.000 Yeah, man.

00:45:08.000 You just get back on the ride.

00:45:10.000 Yeah.

00:45:11.000 You want to...

00:45:12.000 Ah, fuck it.

00:45:13.000 And then you're in.

00:45:14.000 Big Jay and his girlfriend started smoking again.

00:45:17.000 They're like, no, we just did it on the weekend in Philly.

00:45:19.000 I'm like, no, you're smoking again.

00:45:20.000 They're like, no, we're quitting.

00:45:21.000 I'm like, oh, no.

00:45:22.000 You're already saying what we're gonna...

00:45:23.000 No, you've already fully committed to smoking.

00:45:25.000 It's been like a year now they're still smoking.

00:45:28.000 You know, they say that nicotine has nootropic properties to it, just like alpha brain or neuro one or something like that.

00:45:37.000 What is nootropic?

00:45:37.000 What does that mean?

00:45:38.000 It means it's like a mental stimulant in the sense of...

00:45:42.000 Oh, really?

00:45:42.000 ...increases memory, increases cognitive function.

00:45:45.000 It's not a stimulant like...

00:45:47.000 A lot of writers write on it, right?

00:45:49.000 Oh, yeah.

00:45:49.000 A lot of writers do.

00:45:50.000 And you know what I started doing?

00:45:52.000 Because of Joey Diaz, I'll get one of those blue cigarette things and I'll suck on them before a show.

00:45:57.000 Nicotine?

00:45:58.000 Mm-hmm.

00:45:58.000 Yeah.

00:45:59.000 Are you crazy?

00:46:00.000 No, it's not nicotine that you have to worry about.

00:46:03.000 Nicotine actually has health benefits.

00:46:05.000 So nicotine is what's addictive.

00:46:07.000 It's...

00:46:08.000 I don't know, man.

00:46:09.000 It doesn't work like that with me.

00:46:11.000 Do you crave the e-cigarette more?

00:46:13.000 No.

00:46:13.000 No, I might not have one for a month.

00:46:16.000 And then sometimes I like to suck on them before a show.

00:46:19.000 You're an orangutan, though.

00:46:20.000 Your body doesn't react to people's.

00:46:23.000 Maybe, though.

00:46:23.000 I think it does.

00:46:24.000 Yeah, I guess so.

00:46:25.000 With nicotine, I guess it would.

00:46:26.000 Yeah, I think it would.

00:46:27.000 Yeah.

00:46:28.000 Well, I smoked a cigarette the other day with Doug Stanhope.

00:46:31.000 No way.

00:46:31.000 Yeah, I didn't smoke a cigarette, but I took a hit of his cigarette.

00:46:34.000 Yeah.

00:46:34.000 And I took a hit of Tony Hinchcliffe's cigarette once before I went on stage, too.

00:46:37.000 Feels good.

00:46:38.000 Feels good.

00:46:39.000 Gives you a little buzz.

00:46:40.000 So I just want one hit of this.

00:46:41.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:42.000 But that, um...

00:46:43.000 Remember that buzz off a cigarette?

00:46:44.000 Remember that?

00:46:45.000 Like, oh man, I'm woozy for a little bit.

00:46:47.000 Yeah, because if you don't smoke and you take a hit off of a cigarette, it definitely gives you like a weird little buzz.

00:46:52.000 Uh-huh.

00:46:52.000 Well, it's a carcinogen, too.

00:46:53.000 Yeah.

00:46:55.000 But I think there's also some sort of stimulating factor of all those different chemicals the FDA kindly allows them to put into that shit.

00:47:02.000 So what's the addictive then?

00:47:03.000 What's the thing that gets you addicted?

00:47:05.000 There's a lot of factors.

00:47:06.000 One of it is smoking of the cigarette, like the nicotine in that form is apparently more addictive in some strange way.

00:47:16.000 Yeah.

00:47:16.000 Maybe it's because the delivery method is more powerful and potent.

00:47:19.000 Maybe it's because of all the other chemicals.

00:47:21.000 Did you see that Insider movie with Russell Crowe?

00:47:23.000 Did you ever see that?

00:47:23.000 I know what you're talking about, though.

00:47:24.000 Good fucking movie.

00:47:25.000 If it's factual.

00:47:26.000 I'm not sure if it is, but I think it is.

00:47:28.000 Because you've got to have your ducks in a row when you make a goddamn expose movie with Russell Crowe about the cigarette industry.

00:47:34.000 It's gotta sound right.

00:47:35.000 Most likely.

00:47:36.000 I mean, otherwise it wouldn't be available anymore.

00:47:38.000 They would remove it from iTunes and all that shit.

00:47:40.000 But it's essentially, Russell Crowe, if you haven't seen it, is a super scientist that they have engineered these cigarettes to make them more addictive.

00:47:48.000 Then he testifies about it.

00:47:49.000 And they go to his house, and they scare him, and they threaten him, and all this shit.

00:47:52.000 It's creepy.

00:47:53.000 It's fucking creepy.

00:47:54.000 So apparently, it's true though.

00:47:57.000 There are a bunch of different chemicals, like hundreds of them, that they allow these companies to put into cigarettes that alter the flavor profile and all sorts of other different things they do, but it also makes them more addictive.

00:48:09.000 And he outlines them in the movie and explains how they engineered it.

00:48:13.000 So that's why when you're taking a hit off those things, it's different than a cigar or different than a lot of other ways that you're getting tobacco.

00:48:20.000 Yeah.

00:48:21.000 Yeah.

00:48:21.000 But even, like, chewing tobacco is addictive.

00:48:24.000 People get addicted to that shit.

00:48:25.000 People have holes in their mouths.

00:48:27.000 It can get addictive.

00:48:28.000 But it's soaking, jerking off.

00:48:30.000 Soaking a lot of things.

00:48:30.000 That's different, though.

00:48:31.000 That's like mental addiction.

00:48:32.000 Soaking coffee.

00:48:33.000 Coffee can be addictive.

00:48:34.000 Coffee, for sure.

00:48:35.000 Nicotine myth busted.

00:48:37.000 Nicotine does not cause addiction.

00:48:38.000 There you go.

00:48:39.000 E-Health Forum.

00:48:53.000 Well, I know for a fact that caffeine is pretty fucking addictive.

00:48:59.000 Yeah, you have withdrawal symptoms of caffeine.

00:49:00.000 If you get headaches when you quit, that's not like you quit seat cushions.

00:49:05.000 I was going way too hard at one point in time writing.

00:49:09.000 Where I would make a pot of fucking coffee and I would down that shit at like 9 p.m.

00:49:16.000 and write till 5, 6 o'clock in the morning just jacked out of my mind on coffee.

00:49:21.000 And when I tried to quit that, I had a problem.

00:49:24.000 I had headaches.

00:49:25.000 Like my head was like...

00:49:29.000 My body was like, you're going to have to deal with a ridiculous amount of stimulants over the course of seven hours.

00:49:36.000 Gear up.

00:49:37.000 And then once I shut the fucking fun farm down, they were like, hey, where's all I fucking...

00:49:43.000 We got used to that.

00:49:44.000 Come on, bro.

00:49:45.000 Headaches.

00:49:45.000 How long did the headaches last for?

00:49:46.000 A couple days.

00:49:47.000 So you started drinking coffee again?

00:49:48.000 No.

00:49:50.000 I never drank it like that again.

00:49:54.000 I'll never drink more than a couple of cups a day.

00:49:57.000 But I thought it was bad for you at one point in time, which has also been debunked.

00:50:01.000 Caffeine?

00:50:01.000 Yeah, no, coffee itself.

00:50:03.000 Coffee itself is not bad for you.

00:50:05.000 And caffeine in the form of coffee is not necessarily bad for you either, but it's like one of those things where you can fuck it up if you just go too hard.

00:50:14.000 So, like, what I was doing when I was writing, when I was drinking, like, literally pots of that shit.

00:50:18.000 Damn.

00:50:18.000 Probably, like, overrunning my adrenals.

00:50:20.000 Yeah, I remember you and Tate used to get that late-night Starbucks in Sacramento.

00:50:24.000 Oh, yeah, and sleep like babies.

00:50:25.000 Like, wait, what?

00:50:25.000 What?

00:50:26.000 It's going to bedtime.

00:50:28.000 Why would you drink that now?

00:50:29.000 It doesn't make sense.

00:50:30.000 Tate loves coffee.

00:50:31.000 I'm so glad I never got into that shit.

00:50:33.000 It's delicious.

00:50:34.000 It makes me feel good.

00:50:37.000 I hate that taste.

00:50:38.000 I don't know when people stop being kids.

00:50:40.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:50:41.000 Well, there's also a lot of other ways that you can get caffeine.

00:50:46.000 You can get caffeine.

00:50:48.000 Freebase?

00:50:48.000 No, you can get it in other ways.

00:50:50.000 Yeah, Coca-Cola.

00:50:52.000 Like teas?

00:50:54.000 Yerba mate? 0.98

00:50:54.000 You ever have Yerba mate? 0.98

00:50:56.000 I think so.

00:50:57.000 It's good stuff.

00:50:57.000 I believe I have.

00:50:58.000 It's like a stimulant sort of a tea.

00:51:00.000 Yeah, like ginger.

00:51:01.000 There's a lot of those things, man.

00:51:03.000 There's a lot of groovy-ass stimulants that you could purchase.

00:51:06.000 You know what else is stimulant?

00:51:08.000 Ari Shaffir at the Comedy Store tomorrow night.

00:51:10.000 Oh, you son of a bitch!

00:51:11.000 Thursday night.

00:51:12.000 How dare you! 0.99

00:51:14.000 How dare you work it in like that!

00:51:17.000 Guys, I'm doing my hour.

00:51:18.000 Only time in L.A. I'm doing it.

00:51:20.000 So come tomorrow night.

00:51:21.000 Get tickets at AriShaffir.com.

00:51:24.000 It's only ten bucks.

00:51:26.000 I have like 80 more seats I don't want to fill up.

00:51:29.000 Jesus.

00:51:29.000 So hurry up and get them.

00:51:30.000 Jesus.

00:51:31.000 We'll just put the wings out if not.

00:51:32.000 But it should be fun.

00:51:33.000 Yeah.

00:51:33.000 I knew I was going really well.

00:51:34.000 It should be fun.

00:51:35.000 Well, I'll tweet it too.

00:51:36.000 Okay, cool.

00:51:37.000 Thanks.

00:51:38.000 Glorious.

00:51:39.000 You want to open?

00:51:39.000 I need an opener.

00:51:40.000 I can't.

00:51:41.000 Okay.

00:51:43.000 So what the fuck's going on, man?

00:51:46.000 What's the latest?

00:51:47.000 I don't know.

00:51:47.000 I went to Bonnaroo.

00:51:48.000 It was really fun.

00:51:49.000 Yeah?

00:51:50.000 It was really fun.

00:51:50.000 Where is Bonnaroo?

00:51:51.000 Is it like Tennessee or something?

00:51:52.000 Yeah?

00:51:53.000 Manchester, Tennessee.

00:51:53.000 Is it near Nashville?

00:51:55.000 Yeah, like an hour away.

00:51:56.000 How big is Tennessee?

00:51:57.000 Like if you drive through the whole thing?

00:51:58.000 It was a full day.

00:51:59.000 We stopped in Nashville and then we stopped in Memphis the next night.

00:52:02.000 We drove like 10 hours.

00:52:04.000 Whoa, 10 hours through Nashville?

00:52:05.000 I think so.

00:52:06.000 Wow.

00:52:07.000 I would drive until the sun went down and then we would just stop.

00:52:10.000 See, I always think of states like Massachusetts.

00:52:13.000 Yeah.

00:52:13.000 If you drive 10 hours, you're not in Massachusetts anymore.

00:52:15.000 Right, right, right.

00:52:16.000 In any direction.

00:52:17.000 Tennessee's really long.

00:52:18.000 Yeah.

00:52:19.000 It's a big-ass, long-ass, hot state.

00:52:21.000 It's the wiener dog of states.

00:52:23.000 Is it?

00:52:23.000 Yeah, I guess so.

00:52:24.000 Based on its length and height.

00:52:26.000 So, Bonnaroo had...

00:52:28.000 You did some weird shows.

00:52:30.000 Like, you did that 1, 2.30 in the morning show that we were talking about.

00:52:33.000 Yeah.

00:52:33.000 It was great.

00:52:34.000 That's hilarious.

00:52:35.000 Yeah, I just spread it word of mouth.

00:52:36.000 A little bit on Twitter last minute.

00:52:38.000 I was like, I'm finding out when I get there, I'm finding out where it's going to be and when.

00:52:42.000 Wow.

00:52:42.000 I took a Sharpie.

00:52:43.000 I wrote it on people's hands.

00:52:44.000 I run into them.

00:52:45.000 Like, what are you doing?

00:52:45.000 I'm doing a show.

00:52:46.000 Where?

00:52:46.000 At Christmas Barn.

00:52:47.000 I was like, say it back to me.

00:52:49.000 Christmas Barn.

00:52:49.000 I'm like, all right, what time?

00:52:51.000 And then I started writing on people's arms.

00:52:53.000 Xmas Barn, 2.30 Friday.

00:52:55.000 Well, for people who don't understand why he did that, everybody was fucked up on drugs.

00:52:59.000 You kind of had to do that.

00:53:01.000 Everybody's fucked up at that point.

00:53:02.000 Or just super tired.

00:53:03.000 Even drunk.

00:53:04.000 Yeah.

00:53:04.000 But usually drugs.

00:53:06.000 That's true.

00:53:06.000 It's a drug.

00:53:07.000 It's a drug festival.

00:53:08.000 But drunk is a drug.

00:53:10.000 We fucked up in classification of drugs in this country.

00:53:12.000 Drunk seems as inebriating as any of the other stuff.

00:53:16.000 It's a drug.

00:53:16.000 Yeah.

00:53:17.000 But somehow or another, we've found ourselves in this position where most people are in denial that they do drugs while they drink.

00:53:23.000 Yeah.

00:53:23.000 And then you're going to put mushroom and heroin in the same category?

00:53:27.000 Drugs?

00:53:27.000 A way worse category!

00:53:28.000 Yeah.

00:53:29.000 Way worse category.

00:53:30.000 Come on.

00:53:30.000 It's hilarious.

00:53:31.000 Come on.

00:53:32.000 But we've been hoodwinked by booze.

00:53:35.000 God damn it.

00:53:36.000 Not that I don't like booze.

00:53:38.000 I enjoy it.

00:53:38.000 It's so much more socially acceptable.

00:53:41.000 It's crazy.

00:53:42.000 Way more drunk driving.

00:53:43.000 Oh, yeah.

00:53:44.000 Way more everything.

00:53:44.000 Did you hear what's his name said in Canada?

00:53:47.000 Trudeau?

00:53:48.000 Yeah.

00:53:48.000 What'd he say?

00:53:49.000 He's the first guy to take this stance on this.

00:53:51.000 Where instead of saying, the other side always takes, we've got to protect children.

00:53:55.000 Children are going to get it.

00:53:56.000 And the only defense against that is, well, it's got benefits to sick people and stuff like that.

00:54:01.000 It's not really a defense of their argument.

00:54:04.000 Trudeau is like, Canada has, I think, top five instances of underage people getting marijuana.

00:54:11.000 It's really bad there.

00:54:12.000 He's like, we're already not protecting them.

00:54:14.000 Let's regulate it so that we can protect kids. 0.99

00:54:17.000 Because he goes, look, I think it should be legal, but I also see there's problems with people getting it when they're developing, when their mind is developing.

00:54:23.000 I agree.

00:54:23.000 So let's do what we can to keep it out of their hands, which is legalization, regularization.

00:54:28.000 Regulation.

00:54:29.000 Regulation.

00:54:30.000 Like alcohol.

00:54:31.000 If alcohol was fully illegal and you just get it from mafia guys...

00:54:34.000 14-year-olds will have the same access as 34-year-olds.

00:54:37.000 That's a very good point.

00:54:38.000 That's probably the best point for it.

00:54:40.000 Yeah.

00:54:41.000 Now they've got to find some cool 22-year-old. 0.95

00:54:43.000 Yeah.

00:54:44.000 That's the only way they can get it.

00:54:45.000 That 22-year-old's taking a big chance these days.

00:54:47.000 Taking a chance.

00:54:48.000 I think that shit's a giant felony.

00:54:49.000 Really?

00:54:50.000 Yeah.

00:54:50.000 When we were kids, it wasn't nothing.

00:54:52.000 Or fake ID or stealing from your dad.

00:54:54.000 People always sold booze.

00:54:55.000 You would wait outside a liquor store and a guy would buy booze for you. 0.66

00:54:59.000 You tell him you give him 20 bucks?

00:55:01.000 They didn't give a fuck.

00:55:02.000 20 bucks surcharge, then the price of the whatever?

00:55:04.000 Yeah, just tell the guy.

00:55:05.000 We'll give you 20 bucks if you go and get us a fucking case. 0.99

00:55:08.000 We may or may not have used the drive-thrus and they would just give it to us when we were 17, 18 years old.

00:55:12.000 Yeah, they don't give a fuck.

00:55:14.000 Especially in Ohio.

00:55:15.000 They're trying to get you drunk so you stay.

00:55:18.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:55:19.000 Get somebody pregnant. 1.00

00:55:20.000 We can't lose you.

00:55:21.000 We need to keep you around, son.

00:55:24.000 If getting you drunk is how we do it.

00:55:28.000 Yeah, it's weird that we have this one drug we give a pass to.

00:55:32.000 Yeah.

00:55:32.000 And it's the one that's the most destructive to your health.

00:55:35.000 It's fucking bananas.

00:55:37.000 It really is.

00:55:38.000 You get into fights?

00:55:39.000 Well, the problem is, it's existed for so long, and it hasn't changed yet, in spite of all we know.

00:55:45.000 So, like, more recently, this Nixon thing came out.

00:55:49.000 What?

00:55:49.000 Where they admitted...

00:55:51.000 That the whole reason why they instituted this war on drugs is to try to break up the civil rights movement and to try to break up the anti-war movement.

00:56:03.000 How?

00:56:03.000 Because they knew that the people involved in the civil rights movement and the anti-war...

00:56:07.000 Were doing drugs.

00:56:07.000 Yeah.

00:56:08.000 Damn you're fast, Jamie.

00:56:09.000 He's the best.

00:56:10.000 The civil rights movement and the anti-war movement were doing marijuana.

00:56:15.000 So they...

00:56:17.000 Decided that was the way.

00:56:19.000 Yeah, that was the way to go after them.

00:56:21.000 To break up those organizations by arresting their members for drug-related crimes, locking them up in jail.

00:56:27.000 Really interesting stuff.

00:56:28.000 Wow.

00:56:28.000 Yeah.

00:56:29.000 But it's a fact.

00:56:30.000 So it's one of those things where, you know, you hear like an Alex Jones type guy talk about it, you know?

00:56:36.000 Yeah, you kind of don't believe it.

00:56:37.000 Yeah.

00:56:37.000 And you see that sexual proof.

00:56:39.000 Right.

00:56:39.000 Then you see something like this and you go, that is exactly how they operate it.

00:56:42.000 But it's still stuck in your head of like, yeah, but they're different.

00:56:44.000 Well, you know, there was a WikiLeaks thing that Facebook is apparently censoring.

00:56:50.000 See that?

00:56:51.000 That was another one of the things that I wanted to talk to you about, where they're saying that there was all this Hillary Clinton emails that Facebook is censoring that they don't want to get out, that WikiLeaks is trying to print.

00:57:02.000 And then Facebook says we won't let you retweet that?

00:57:04.000 I don't know.

00:57:04.000 I'm not sure how they stop something like that.

00:57:07.000 I heard about this leak about some Hillary Clinton stuff. 0.96

00:57:10.000 One of the hackers said he gave it to Assange.

00:57:14.000 Right, but the problem is you have to trust the hacker?

00:57:17.000 No, no.

00:57:17.000 You don't trust the hacker.

00:57:18.000 It has Julian Assange.

00:57:19.000 That's who you trust because he's never let us down.

00:57:21.000 He's only put out stuff that's real.

00:57:23.000 He sounds like a good team.

00:57:25.000 I'm just saying, his word is, I will put out real shit only.

00:57:28.000 Keep that up, so I can take a look at it.

00:57:30.000 You know?

00:57:30.000 Dear Facebook, stop censoring our Hillary Clinton email release.

00:57:33.000 No, really, stop it.

00:57:34.000 There is no technical issue.

00:57:36.000 Huh.

00:57:38.000 Oh, wow.

00:57:39.000 Hmm.

00:57:40.000 And WikiLeaks is putting that up on Twitter with a photograph of it.

00:57:45.000 This is interesting.

00:57:46.000 So...

00:57:48.000 See, the problem is when you're getting something from a guy who hacked into her email server, how is it not possible that he could trick them?

00:57:58.000 He's so fucking smart that he can get into her email server.

00:58:02.000 Trick who?

00:58:04.000 Hillary Clinton.

00:58:05.000 Like, they got into her email to get this stuff.

00:58:08.000 Yeah.

00:58:08.000 Right?

00:58:09.000 I mean, this is what they're saying.

00:58:10.000 Yeah, so?

00:58:11.000 How do we know?

00:58:12.000 I mean, someone who could do that can make it look like he did it, too.

00:58:17.000 You can make it look like, say that again?

00:58:19.000 Someone who can hack into a server.

00:58:22.000 I'm just assuming.

00:58:24.000 Tell me if I'm right or wrong.

00:58:24.000 Yeah, maybe, but there's not the only person that have claimed to have hacked the server either.

00:58:28.000 Russian hackers, as of yesterday, I think I saw, say they're in there right now.

00:58:32.000 So there's a gang of different people who have hacked it.

00:58:34.000 I think once you get that password...

00:58:35.000 And the issue is she's like, don't worry about it.

00:58:37.000 I have this secret server on my own for no reason.

00:58:40.000 You don't have to...

00:58:42.000 30,322 emails pulled from a private account she was using during her tenure as the Secretary of State.

00:58:49.000 You know, I have this guy in here who was a CIA guy.

00:58:54.000 Yeah.

00:58:55.000 And he said pretty flat out if he had done any of the things that she did, he'd be in jail.

00:59:01.000 Who?

00:59:02.000 The CIA guy was telling me that if he did any of the things that she did with this email server, she'd be in jail.

00:59:11.000 Yeah, this guy, Mike Baker, very interesting guy.

00:59:16.000 Yeah, they're talking about whether or not they're going to indict her, and it's like, no, the people doing the indicting are her buddies.

00:59:20.000 They're not going to indict her, especially not until after, if she loses, then maybe, but not beforehand.

00:59:25.000 Well, if this is all coming out right now, it looks like she's going to be the nominee for the Democrats, and this is the part at home where people start going.

00:59:33.000 I fucking hate it when you talk about politics because you don't know shit.

00:59:37.000 You're right.

00:59:38.000 Leave politics behind and come Thursday night to the Comedy Store at 9pm.

00:59:40.000 Okay, go ahead.

00:59:42.000 How do I get tickets, Ari?

00:59:43.000 AriTheGreat.com or go to TheComedyStore.com.

00:59:45.000 Interesting.

00:59:47.000 Bring a friend.

00:59:48.000 This is a terrible time for this stuff to come out because there's no other option.

00:59:52.000 It would have to be Bernie Sanders.

00:59:53.000 That's the only other option.

00:59:55.000 Somehow or another, she would have to be indicted.

00:59:57.000 They would have had to come out a month and a half or two months ago.

00:59:59.000 And they don't know, like, when people look at it, they don't know whether or not Bernie can win.

01:00:04.000 Like, people are pretty sure that Hillary is going to win because you're going to get a lot of women that are going to vote on her just because she's a woman. 1.00

01:00:10.000 I thought they said, like, Bernie does better against Trump than Hillary does against Trump.

01:00:15.000 By the polls.

01:00:16.000 Who are these polls?

01:00:17.000 I don't know.

01:00:17.000 Who's taking them?

01:00:18.000 I don't know.

01:00:19.000 Who are these fucking people?

01:00:20.000 Yeah.

01:00:20.000 I don't know.

01:00:21.000 It's all just a good sports vet.

01:00:23.000 Jamie had a really good point.

01:00:24.000 It's a very good point.

01:00:25.000 He said, how come you see all this hype for Bernie Sanders and you don't see any hype for Clinton, and yet Clinton still wins these elections?

01:00:34.000 Well, a lot of it is because you had to have changed from an independent to a Democrat like months ago, and then when it's time to vote, you're like, well, I can't vote in the primaries because I'm an independent.

01:00:44.000 No, they're both Democrats.

01:00:47.000 I'm saying in the primary.

01:00:49.000 I'm saying in the primary.

01:00:50.000 So then it's too late for them to vote in the primary.

01:00:52.000 Okay, so they didn't register in time.

01:00:54.000 That's what you're saying?

01:00:54.000 No, they had to be registered as independent.

01:00:56.000 Right.

01:00:57.000 And then they're like, oh no, you can't...

01:00:58.000 Even though they're going to vote Democrat...

01:01:00.000 Why do they have to be registered as independent?

01:01:02.000 No, they were.

01:01:03.000 I'm not following you.

01:01:03.000 There was all these people who registered as independent.

01:01:05.000 Some people were Democrat, Republican, Independent.

01:01:07.000 Oh, I see.

01:01:07.000 The people who registered as independent couldn't vote in the Democratic primary.

01:01:10.000 Oh, okay.

01:01:11.000 I understand.

01:01:12.000 That's fucking stupid.

01:01:13.000 Yeah.

01:01:14.000 So that's one of the reasons why you see more support than he's actually getting.

01:01:17.000 My point was more like, you don't see very, or I don't, very many Hillary bumper stickers and signs and online support.

01:01:25.000 Let's start seeing her more now.

01:01:26.000 Dude, it's like joining Costco.

01:01:28.000 You're joining a club.

01:01:29.000 She's garbage. 1.00

01:01:30.000 You have to join a Democrat club, and that's how you get to vote in the Democratic primaries.

01:01:33.000 It's fucking ridiculous.

01:01:35.000 How come you can't just vote?

01:01:36.000 Yeah.

01:01:36.000 How come a registered voter can't just vote?

01:01:38.000 You have to be a registered Democrat to vote?

01:01:40.000 For the primary, yes.

01:01:41.000 That's ridiculous!

01:01:43.000 You should be able to go independent slash Democrat.

01:01:45.000 You should be able to do whatever the fuck you want!

01:01:47.000 Most people don't vote in these primaries that have been happening, which is the issue.

01:01:50.000 This is madness.

01:01:51.000 We're just picking our candidates.

01:01:52.000 But it's madness.

01:01:54.000 Because none of it matters.

01:01:55.000 We're all just voting on who gets the paycheck.

01:01:57.000 But what a better way to control the system by making you have to be a registered member of the party in order to vote in the primaries.

01:02:05.000 Yeah.

01:02:06.000 That's hilarious if that's true.

01:02:07.000 Boy, I don't want to keep going if it's not true.

01:02:09.000 It's also in some states.

01:02:10.000 It's state to state.

01:02:10.000 It literally matters depending on where you live.

01:02:12.000 But let's say you're a Tea Party guy and you're an independent of that side.

01:02:15.000 If you're a Tea Party guy, go drown.

01:02:18.000 You couldn't vote for the Republican primary.

01:02:20.000 If you're like, I would definitely vote for Trump, you couldn't do that either.

01:02:22.000 But that's not as, I think, problematic.

01:02:24.000 I think the Tea Party started off with a good idea.

01:02:26.000 But somewhere along the line, the morons took over.

01:02:29.000 Yeah.

01:02:29.000 First of all, calling it the Tea Party.

01:02:31.000 Hey, guys.

01:02:32.000 Okay?

01:02:33.000 How about a new name?

01:02:36.000 Why are you calling yourself the...

01:02:38.000 Well, it's a historical precedent that they set when they threw the tea into the ocean to protest Great Britain.

01:02:43.000 You will not tax or tariff us.

01:02:47.000 Fuck up.

01:02:48.000 Dude, Tea Party and Occupy are the same thing.

01:02:50.000 You guys have Sarah Palin.

01:02:51.000 It's over.

01:02:52.000 Sarah Palin's your gal, right?

01:02:54.000 They let people talk for them that were like, not the people they should've talked for.

01:02:58.000 They let the wrong dummies in. 1.00

01:02:59.000 It becomes like a business.

01:03:02.000 Sort of like if you're like one of those bitchy housewives and everybody knows you as the bitchy housewife. 1.00

01:03:07.000 Yeah, you gotta ramp it up.

01:03:08.000 That's what you do now.

01:03:09.000 You gotta throw drinks at bitches' faces, claw their weaves off. 1.00

01:03:13.000 That must be tiring.

01:03:14.000 Just exhausting to be that lady. 1.00

01:03:16.000 Hey, that's probably off work.

01:03:17.000 It's probably like the sheepdog and the coyote.

01:03:20.000 Morning, Sam.

01:03:20.000 Morning, Ralph.

01:03:21.000 And they go off to the...

01:03:22.000 Just having a nice conversation.

01:03:23.000 Just go, excuse me one second.

01:03:24.000 I have to throw this.

01:03:26.000 Hold on a second.

01:03:26.000 What'd you say, bitch?

01:03:28.000 Bitch! 1.00

01:03:28.000 Okay, I'm sorry. 1.00

01:03:29.000 Where were we?

01:03:30.000 So I think that's what happens.

01:03:31.000 I think they take on a role.

01:03:33.000 Yeah.

01:03:34.000 You know?

01:03:34.000 And they just get caught up in it.

01:03:37.000 Don't vote.

01:03:38.000 It's pointless.

01:03:39.000 Everyone at home.

01:03:39.000 Stay home.

01:03:41.000 It just seems like this way has got to fucking melt down in front of our face until we come up with a better way.

01:03:50.000 Sure seems like it.

01:03:51.000 It's so dumb.

01:03:52.000 This is like some colonial, feather-writing, fucking parchment bullshit.

01:03:58.000 The rich people get money from the corporations, and the rich people keep being the ones deciding how the elections go.

01:04:05.000 Yeah.

01:04:06.000 So they're going to decide to make it a little more favored towards them.

01:04:10.000 Yeah.

01:04:11.000 And you have to register for a party to vote in the primary.

01:04:14.000 What?

01:04:16.000 What?

01:04:16.000 Why can't you do that while you're voting?

01:04:18.000 This is stupid.

01:04:19.000 Primaries are fucking gross.

01:04:21.000 Primaries are like a club that you have to belong to, and that's how you pick presidents.

01:04:26.000 And by the way, when you become a registered Democrat, that's like being a fucking Raiders fan.

01:04:31.000 Yeah, being a team.

01:04:31.000 Why can't I just be like, oh, see what people have to offer?

01:04:33.000 And I'm not saying anything bad about the Raiders.

01:04:36.000 No, no, no.

01:04:36.000 That's the worst fan base in sports.

01:04:38.000 That's what I heard.

01:04:38.000 They're stabby, they're gross.

01:04:40.000 Stabby! 0.80

01:04:41.000 They're one step below ICP fans.

01:04:43.000 Stabby.

01:04:44.000 They're stabby.

01:04:46.000 They're so glad they're not coming to LA. So glad.

01:04:49.000 Let Vegas deal with them. 0.63

01:04:51.000 Let that city burn with them.

01:04:53.000 You're very aggressive.

01:04:54.000 Vegas is garbage too.

01:04:55.000 How dare you?

01:04:56.000 How about that?

01:04:57.000 I see another fucking woman dancing in a cage on the ceiling. 1.00

01:05:00.000 You don't think that's hot?

01:05:02.000 Yep.

01:05:02.000 That's so edgy.

01:05:04.000 There's nothing to that city.

01:05:05.000 Dude, it's edgy.

01:05:05.000 It's all such fake.

01:05:07.000 She's got glitter on her ass. 1.00

01:05:10.000 It's edgy.

01:05:11.000 It's all like, this is how parties seem like they'd be in movies, right?

01:05:14.000 Well, it's also a gang of people on Molly.

01:05:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:18.000 That's mostly what you're handling.

01:05:20.000 You're handling, I mean, this is, when you're going to these fucking clubs, it's not a surprise why they all have glow sticks.

01:05:26.000 These people are tripping balls.

01:05:28.000 Dude, LCD sound system was so good on Molly. 1.00

01:05:30.000 What's LCD Sound System?

01:05:31.000 It's this band, but they use the lights so fucking good.

01:05:34.000 They sing that song Daft Punk is playing at my house.

01:05:36.000 Remember that?

01:05:37.000 No.

01:05:37.000 It's like a minor hit.

01:05:38.000 They have a couple of minor hits, but man, they blew Pearl Jam out of the water.

01:05:41.000 Really?

01:05:42.000 Yeah, Pearl Jam was just fine.

01:05:43.000 Just fine.

01:05:44.000 Yeah, but these guys give you a show.

01:05:45.000 Yeah, but you were on drugs.

01:05:45.000 Yeah, but Jeremiah hasn't ever done any drugs, and he thought LCD Sound System was better, too.

01:05:49.000 Wow, interesting.

01:05:50.000 Well, so they had a real show.

01:05:52.000 Yeah, they go for it.

01:05:53.000 They're not just playing to their fans.

01:05:55.000 You can't really compete with that if you're just someone who plays your hits and you like to talk about politics in between the song and fucking...

01:06:01.000 Fucking Vedder gave like three speeches and he brought his daughter out and made us all sing Happy Birthday to her.

01:06:05.000 Ooh, not good, dude.

01:06:07.000 The whole Light Show is just them up close playing Happy Birthday to I don't know your goddamn daughter!

01:06:15.000 Happy birthday!

01:06:17.000 Maybe you could do that.

01:06:17.000 This ain't a Pearl Jam show, idiot!

01:06:19.000 This is a Bonnaroo show!

01:06:20.000 Yeah.

01:06:20.000 Fucking 10% of us know who you are!

01:06:22.000 That's right.

01:06:23.000 Win some fans!

01:06:24.000 That's actually super important, right?

01:06:26.000 Yeah!

01:06:27.000 That's a good way to look at it, man.

01:06:27.000 Dude, half of them coast off their fame, and the other half like, oh, people don't know me here.

01:06:31.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:33.000 Let's go for it.

01:06:33.000 Slayer last year, they fucking destroyed.

01:06:36.000 That's a good point, dude.

01:06:38.000 You know, that goes with comedy, too, man.

01:06:40.000 Fuck yeah.

01:06:41.000 That goes with everything.

01:06:42.000 Yeah.

01:06:42.000 I saw Bill Burr on that, it was like a Comedy Central year in review kind of thing.

01:06:48.000 They had those for like three or four years.

01:06:49.000 He did five minutes there and he was like, okay, you guys aren't my fans yet.

01:06:53.000 This was like six, seven years ago.

01:06:54.000 I remember that.

01:06:55.000 Yeah, he was just like, and he just hammered him.

01:06:57.000 Oh, that was Dane.

01:06:58.000 No, it was a different one, but Bill was in this politically correct sort of group of people, and they weren't accepting it, and he had a hammer at home.

01:07:05.000 Yeah.

01:07:06.000 Yeah, win fans in markets that don't know you.

01:07:08.000 That's what they have at these festivals.

01:07:09.000 Some people go, that guy, Chris Stapleton.

01:07:11.000 We were just sitting there on the lawn.

01:07:13.000 He came on, I was like, this guy is good as shit.

01:07:14.000 Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker.

01:07:16.000 I've listened to that CD, whatever you want to call it, album.

01:07:19.000 I guess we can call them albums again.

01:07:20.000 Yeah, album.

01:07:21.000 Album's cool.

01:07:22.000 Album sounds better than CD. It sure does.

01:07:24.000 It's not a compact disc.

01:07:25.000 So what is it?

01:07:26.000 It's an album.

01:07:26.000 I like album.

01:07:27.000 Yeah, we go back to album.

01:07:28.000 So his new album, or the album that I have, I think it's only one, I think he only has one out.

01:07:33.000 It's fucking incredible.

01:07:35.000 It's really good.

01:07:36.000 Yeah.

01:07:36.000 Amazing stuff.

01:07:37.000 Yeah, it was so mellow and nice on a lawn.

01:07:40.000 I told you about the time that Stone Temple Pilots played at Dana White's birthday party.

01:07:46.000 Damn, yeah.

01:07:46.000 And they went for it.

01:07:47.000 Smashed it.

01:07:48.000 They smashed it.

01:07:49.000 All the way to the grave.

01:07:50.000 That guy might have been a crazy junkie out of his fucking mind.

01:07:53.000 All sorts of personal problems and all that jazz.

01:07:55.000 And were there 200 people there?

01:07:57.000 Less.

01:07:58.000 Maybe 200, but they were scattered all throughout this.

01:08:01.000 We had to get people to get closer towards the stage and kind of get excited about the fact that's fucking Stone Temple Pilots.

01:08:08.000 That guy could have been in a football stadium filled with people.

01:08:11.000 He would have done the exact same show.

01:08:13.000 That's how strong it was.

01:08:14.000 You put up a video of it.

01:08:15.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

01:08:16.000 No way.

01:08:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:08:19.000 This is Dana White's surprise birthday party.

01:08:21.000 Oh, that's right.

01:08:30.000 Where's that?

01:08:31.000 Nine?

01:08:32.000 No.

01:08:33.000 That was at...

01:08:34.000 I don't remember what it was.

01:08:40.000 And then Stone Temple Pilots is in the video?

01:08:42.000 Oh, you don't get that now.

01:08:44.000 That's just the surprise part.

01:08:45.000 It was awesome.

01:08:46.000 That's nice and all, but...

01:08:48.000 Okay, I thought maybe the video I definitely had but the sound was so loud.

01:08:53.000 It was it was useless Oh, right cuz it was my shitty iPhone video, you know, it's like six years ago to six years ago You can't replicate that kind of sound into an iPhone when you're there at the thing.

01:09:02.000 It was just noise You couldn't even understand what the fuck it was saying, but My point being that guy was awesome.

01:09:11.000 He went for it more than you could ever have hoped He just fucking cranked it out.

01:09:18.000 It was amazing.

01:09:19.000 And it made me want to go home.

01:09:22.000 Go do better.

01:09:23.000 Go write some jokes.

01:09:25.000 Next time, be better on stage.

01:09:27.000 Dude, you can go both ways.

01:09:28.000 I saw Smashing Pumpkins at Rockin' the Rage one year.

01:09:32.000 Yeah.

01:09:33.000 Garbage.

01:09:34.000 Garbage?

01:09:34.000 I mean, terrible.

01:09:36.000 It's just Billy Corgan, and then he gets a fucking Asian bass player and a fucking female blonde, whatever the fuck she plays. 1.00

01:09:43.000 Isn't he like a serious Republican now?

01:09:47.000 Yeah.

01:09:47.000 He might even be like, I'm just making things up now.

01:09:51.000 I think he's like super convertible.

01:09:53.000 He's changed some of the lyrics of his songs.

01:09:54.000 God is empty just like you.

01:09:56.000 Whoa.

01:09:56.000 Yeah.

01:09:57.000 Is that what he says?

01:09:57.000 Yeah.

01:09:58.000 Now.

01:09:58.000 Really?

01:09:59.000 He plays his old songs on double time.

01:10:00.000 It's just fucking awful.

01:10:01.000 And then you see a band go for it, and you're like, oh, right, yeah.

01:10:04.000 Yeah, he tries to get rid of him.

01:10:06.000 Smashing Pumpkins' Billy Corgan praises Trump.

01:10:08.000 He's fucking up the political class.

01:10:10.000 Well, that's, you know, I've probably said that too.

01:10:14.000 Sort of true.

01:10:15.000 Yeah, I mean, he's definitely doing that.

01:10:19.000 Slam social justice warriors.

01:10:21.000 If that was a video of an actual body slam, that would be a video for sure to watch.

01:10:28.000 Philly Corn Gorgon going for it.

01:10:30.000 Yeah.

01:10:31.000 I don't know.

01:10:31.000 Why did I feel like he's conservative?

01:10:33.000 He went south.

01:10:34.000 He might be.

01:10:34.000 I think he got Christian.

01:10:35.000 Did he?

01:10:36.000 I think so.

01:10:37.000 Come on.

01:10:37.000 I think that's why he changed those lyrics.

01:10:39.000 I heard that before.

01:10:41.000 He was dating Courtney Love before she put out that banging album.

01:10:45.000 That one really good album, right?

01:10:47.000 No.

01:10:48.000 No, the one really good one was Cobain.

01:10:50.000 And then the other one...

01:10:51.000 He got a hold of her, and then Gavin Rossio got a hold of her, too.

01:10:54.000 So they did three total...

01:10:55.000 They all banged her? 1.00

01:10:56.000 You think?

01:10:56.000 Well, yeah.

01:10:57.000 You think so?

01:10:58.000 Think they get that?

01:10:59.000 Gavin did?

01:10:59.000 What?

01:11:00.000 You sure?

01:11:01.000 No.

01:11:01.000 Am I wrong?

01:11:02.000 He was married to Gwen Stefani.

01:11:03.000 Yeah, but before that...

01:11:04.000 Why don't you Google it?

01:11:06.000 What do you mean?

01:11:06.000 You're the one...

01:11:07.000 I was a fan.

01:11:08.000 I've literally never heard that.

01:11:10.000 Hey, Gavin Rossdale.

01:11:11.000 I might be dead wrong.

01:11:12.000 It might just be Billy Corrigan.

01:11:13.000 Gavin Rossdale.

01:11:14.000 That does sound wrong now that I think about it.

01:11:16.000 Well, she definitely was banging Ed Norton before he was the Hulk. 1.00

01:11:20.000 Really?

01:11:20.000 Yeah, she was banging Ed Norton, allegedly.

01:11:22.000 Dude, she was such a fun wreck. 1.00

01:11:24.000 Just throwing around thrift stores in Philadelphia.

01:11:27.000 When she was at her height, she was such a wreck.

01:11:30.000 She was crazy.

01:11:32.000 You see that documentary that thinks that she had Kurt Cobain killed with the recreations?

01:11:37.000 We were talking about it yesterday.

01:11:38.000 It was like, I can't trust a movie with recreations.

01:11:41.000 Like, you weren't there.

01:11:42.000 You don't know what was said, and you're just reproducing it.

01:11:44.000 What possibly could have happened was, he went over to her.

01:11:46.000 She said, do it, Kurt.

01:11:48.000 Do it.

01:11:48.000 Oh, you can't do it?

01:11:49.000 I'll do it for you.

01:11:50.000 Ooh.

01:11:51.000 Yeah.

01:11:52.000 She claimed on an interview on Howard Stern that she had an affair with him.

01:11:56.000 With Gavin?

01:11:57.000 Yeah.

01:11:57.000 He won.

01:11:59.000 He won.

01:11:59.000 Ari wins.

01:12:00.000 You're wrong twice, Jamie.

01:12:01.000 How dare you?

01:12:02.000 I don't think he helped her with that album, though.

01:12:03.000 How dare you?

01:12:05.000 That was probably Billy Corrigan.

01:12:06.000 How about you Google things first before you accuse Ari of being wrong?

01:12:11.000 You son of a bitch.

01:12:12.000 I saw him, that same Rock in the Range.

01:12:13.000 He was great.

01:12:14.000 Gavin?

01:12:15.000 Yeah.

01:12:15.000 With Bush.

01:12:16.000 Went and played Hey Jude into the crowd and went around.

01:12:19.000 Dude, you just have to like what you're doing.

01:12:21.000 Right.

01:12:22.000 And you'll win everybody over.

01:12:23.000 Just be into it.

01:12:26.000 Just get really into the stuff you make if it's good.

01:12:28.000 Some rockers, after a while, they just get beaten down by the pressure and fans and negativity and all that jazz.

01:12:36.000 And then the intoxicating sound of the true lovers of your work.

01:12:42.000 They pull you in and lavish you with praise and get your face tattooed on their ass.

01:12:48.000 Next thing you know, you start producing good stuff.

01:12:51.000 It can happen to anybody.

01:12:53.000 Yeah.

01:12:54.000 And it wasn't like Pearl Jam was bad.

01:12:56.000 They were just good.

01:12:57.000 Yeah.

01:12:57.000 And I was positive.

01:12:58.000 I told Big J who'd end up not coming.

01:13:00.000 I was like, I guarantee you, a band that's like that for 25 years, they're gonna kill it.

01:13:04.000 But, uh-oh.

01:13:05.000 Apparently, the Stones still kill it.

01:13:07.000 The Stones do?

01:13:08.000 Apparently, Mick Jagger is still a bad motherfucker.

01:13:11.000 And he works out every day.

01:13:13.000 He does, like, yoga and lifts weights and does all kinds of crazy shit to keep his body in shape so he can fucking bang it out for, like, an hour and a half show.

01:13:21.000 Or a two-hour show.

01:13:22.000 Mm-hmm.

01:13:23.000 McCartney runs around the whole time.

01:13:24.000 Really?

01:13:25.000 The guy from Iron Maiden runs around the whole time.

01:13:27.000 Wow.

01:13:28.000 Yeah.

01:13:29.000 I guess McCartney's older.

01:13:29.000 Let me see if there's a video of Mick Jagger.

01:13:33.000 A recent video of Mick Jagger on stage.

01:13:36.000 I wonder if it's just the opposite.

01:13:37.000 He looks like Princess Bunny.

01:13:38.000 Could be worse than OJ's glove.

01:13:42.000 He's just like...

01:13:46.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:13:47.000 But I would get a figure.

01:13:48.000 How old is Mick Jagger?

01:13:51.000 65?

01:13:52.000 I'd say that.

01:13:53.000 67. 67?

01:13:55.000 Only 65 in one day for the Price is Right win.

01:13:57.000 I might go with 70. Oh, really?

01:13:59.000 Yeah.

01:14:00.000 Above 70. 72. There's a video of them at last year in concert.

01:14:06.000 Yeah, now check this out.

01:14:07.000 When you watch him, I'm telling you, man, for a guy who's...

01:14:11.000 Oh, wow!

01:14:12.000 Dude, my grandpa was...

01:14:14.000 He looks like that gay phase that he went through with, what's his name, that just died? 1.00

01:14:19.000 I just guess he's always looked like that.

01:14:20.000 David Bowie?

01:14:20.000 Yeah.

01:14:21.000 Yeah, he's always looked like this.

01:14:22.000 He never got fat.

01:14:24.000 I mean, he stayed skinny all these years.

01:14:26.000 But that's amazing.

01:14:27.000 Yeah, he's still running around.

01:14:28.000 Yeah, and he's got a lot of energy.

01:14:30.000 He's got a camel toe. 0.68

01:14:31.000 Jesus, like, bulge.

01:14:33.000 What a fucking...

01:14:34.000 He did not give a fuck.

01:14:35.000 He didn't give a fuck.

01:14:36.000 Well, he's still Mick Jagger, you know?

01:14:38.000 That's the amazing thing about a rock star.

01:14:40.000 Rock stars, they're the same guy.

01:14:42.000 It's Mick Jagger at 72. Yeah.

01:14:45.000 He's shuffling?

01:14:46.000 Yeah.

01:14:47.000 He's doing everything.

01:14:48.000 He's strutting.

01:14:49.000 But here's the thing.

01:14:50.000 He's moving loose and relaxed.

01:14:52.000 He's not moving like a 70-year-old guy.

01:14:54.000 He's got a lot of energy.

01:14:58.000 Apparently, he's just a fanatic about working out.

01:15:01.000 Works out every day.

01:15:02.000 This is according to Brian Callen, though.

01:15:04.000 He might have made that up.

01:15:06.000 You never know.

01:15:08.000 When people say he works out every day, that's also an exaggeration for it.

01:15:11.000 He works out like four times a week.

01:15:13.000 Yeah, I don't think working out every day is smart.

01:15:15.000 Yeah, right?

01:15:16.000 Doesn't no one do that?

01:15:17.000 A lot of people definitely do.

01:15:19.000 I just don't think it's the move.

01:15:20.000 I think your body responds better when you give it little breaks.

01:15:24.000 Yeah, right?

01:15:24.000 Rebuild one day?

01:15:25.000 So I've heard.

01:15:26.000 But I think what is also important is you build up a certain level, like with a Mick Jagger, and then you maintain that.

01:15:33.000 That's very critical that you maintain that level.

01:15:36.000 Because once you dip, like you just...

01:15:38.000 You can't get it back.

01:15:39.000 It's hard.

01:15:39.000 It's super hard to get it back.

01:15:41.000 You're fucking 72, man.

01:15:42.000 Come on, son.

01:15:43.000 You know?

01:15:44.000 Also, your bones start to break in the heel, right?

01:15:47.000 Yeah.

01:15:47.000 This guy on the podcast earlier, Shane Dorian, big wave surfer, great guy, really interesting dude.

01:15:53.000 Really fun.

01:15:54.000 But he was talking about hurting his back.

01:15:55.000 He's 43. He took five months off of working out because he was busy traveling and then tried to go back in with a light workout.

01:16:02.000 Just a light workout.

01:16:03.000 Five months off.

01:16:04.000 Fucked his back up.

01:16:06.000 Wow.

01:16:06.000 Yeah, it happens, man.

01:16:07.000 Get old as fuck.

01:16:08.000 You got to maintain.

01:16:09.000 Remember that Married Children where Peggy got a personal trainer? 0.51

01:16:13.000 No.

01:16:13.000 Did she fuck him?

01:16:14.000 No, she made him eat bonbons until he died.

01:16:16.000 Oh.

01:16:17.000 What does it say here?

01:16:18.000 This is supposedly his workout routine he does.

01:16:21.000 Okay.

01:16:21.000 He trains five to six days a week.

01:16:22.000 His workouts emphasize stamina and balance.

01:16:25.000 Leading up to a tour, Mick Jagger runs eight miles a day, including sprints.

01:16:31.000 What?!

01:16:32.000 He also swims, kickboxes, and cycles.

01:16:35.000 This would explain his ability to sing and move continuously during a concert without sounding short of breath.

01:16:41.000 Wow.

01:16:42.000 He does some resistant training to maintain his balance and his posture.

01:16:45.000 He takes ballet lessons and performs yoga and Pilates.

01:16:50.000 On stage, I did not witness any hesitancy in his movements, and he still moves with a certain amount of fluidity, grace, and efficiency.

01:16:57.000 He's been known to cover 12 miles on stage while he's dancing and strutting.

01:17:12.000 That's what it says on here.

01:17:16.000 It says at that pace he'd be able to do a marathon in just under four hours.

01:17:19.000 If calculated correctly.

01:17:20.000 That's not true.

01:17:21.000 Yeah, that's not true.

01:17:22.000 He's stopping a lot of it.

01:17:23.000 He's not moving at all.

01:17:24.000 That's total horseshit.

01:17:26.000 How dare you?

01:17:27.000 Four-hour concert?

01:17:28.000 Maybe four-hour concert?

01:17:30.000 They don't put on four-hour concerts, do they?

01:17:31.000 It's not 12 miles, though.

01:17:33.000 Get out of here.

01:17:34.000 There's no way.

01:17:35.000 Oh yeah, two hours, three hour concert.

01:17:37.000 They got greedy.

01:17:38.000 They got greedy.

01:17:39.000 They went too far.

01:17:40.000 They said like four miles.

01:17:41.000 Four or five miles.

01:17:42.000 What a gangster.

01:17:43.000 We misread it.

01:17:44.000 This thing even says, I find this hard to believe, though for a two hour concert it means he's moving at least six miles an hour when he clearly doesn't run the entire show.

01:17:52.000 It just proves it right there.

01:17:53.000 So someone, is it just a meme or something?

01:17:56.000 He must have just put it up to add it.

01:17:57.000 I don't know.

01:17:57.000 It just says he's been known to run that far.

01:17:59.000 So we don't know about all the rest of that stuff either.

01:18:01.000 That could be horse shit too, right?

01:18:04.000 Could all be horse shit.

01:18:05.000 Remember that Bigfoot documentary we saw, but then it showed like intentionally stuff that was disproven?

01:18:10.000 And you were like, fuck this then.

01:18:11.000 None of it.

01:18:12.000 Yeah, all of it.

01:18:13.000 Well, all those things, man.

01:18:15.000 Oh yeah, also Bigfoot.

01:18:15.000 All that shit.

01:18:17.000 Bigfoot, UFOs, all that stuff.

01:18:19.000 Oh yeah, it was like a lot of different conspiracies, right?

01:18:22.000 They're not conspiracies, whatever, legends.

01:18:24.000 Yeah, legends.

01:18:26.000 I went to Loch Ness.

01:18:27.000 Did you?

01:18:28.000 Yeah.

01:18:28.000 They think they know what that is.

01:18:30.000 They think that's a big-ass fish, like a sturgeon.

01:18:33.000 Really?

01:18:33.000 Yeah.

01:18:34.000 That's what they think.

01:18:35.000 And the legend got exaggerated as people left?

01:18:37.000 Yeah, there's a bunch of different explanations.

01:18:39.000 Some people think it might be some sort of a giant landlocked catfish.

01:18:42.000 Some people think it might be something else.

01:18:44.000 It's a giant lake.

01:18:46.000 Yeah.

01:18:46.000 I mean, it's not like...

01:18:47.000 Right.

01:18:48.000 I mean, it's like a great lake.

01:18:49.000 Yeah.

01:18:49.000 It's just massive, and there's big boats on it, you know?

01:18:52.000 Yeah.

01:18:53.000 Like ships.

01:18:54.000 You know that show River Monsters?

01:18:55.000 Have you seen that show?

01:18:56.000 Mm-mm.

01:18:57.000 It's that guy, he's this English dude, travels all over the world and catches fish.

01:19:02.000 Like crazy fucking giant piranhas and lionfish, fish with giant ass fucking crazy teeth.

01:19:08.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:19:09.000 Yeah, if you saw that.

01:19:11.000 Yeah.

01:19:11.000 I forget where he caught that thing.

01:19:13.000 I believe it was in the Congo.

01:19:15.000 Do you remember the stuff in Maryland where somebody brought it back from China?

01:19:17.000 There was a snakefish and it could come out of ponds and go on land for a while to find another pond.

01:19:21.000 So all the waters around it were contaminated.

01:19:23.000 That's a gar. 0.93

01:19:25.000 Wow.

01:19:26.000 Yeah, so Jeremy Wade is his name.

01:19:28.000 Anyway, there was an animal in Lake Champlain and they would call it a champ.

01:19:34.000 It's like some sort of another kind of dinosaur thing.

01:19:37.000 But they found sturgeon in that lake.

01:19:40.000 And so they're pretty sure that that's what it is.

01:19:41.000 They get really big like that?

01:19:43.000 Enormous.

01:19:43.000 Wow.

01:19:44.000 Sturgeon, they look like a goddamn submarine. 0.99

01:19:46.000 They're huge.

01:19:48.000 And so they had a video of a sturgeon swimming through the water that they took from a drone or a helicopter or something from above it.

01:19:56.000 And it looks like a goddamn monster.

01:19:58.000 Really?

01:19:58.000 Yeah.

01:19:59.000 When you see a sturgeon from above.

01:20:01.000 Massive white sturgeons.

01:20:02.000 Is this it?

01:20:02.000 Massive white sturgeons.

01:20:11.000 I don't remember.

01:20:13.000 Moody Blues?

01:20:14.000 Yeah, it seems like it.

01:20:17.000 Yeah, it's probably Moody Blues.

01:20:19.000 Yeah, it's definitely Moody Blues.

01:20:20.000 Were they good in Moody Blues?

01:20:21.000 Fuck yeah.

01:20:21.000 I never was into him.

01:20:22.000 Look at the size of this goddamn dinosaur he caught.

01:20:26.000 Wait, let's see.

01:20:26.000 That looks like a dinosaur.

01:20:28.000 Oh, it's huge, dude.

01:20:29.000 And by the way, that's not even like the biggest one ever caught.

01:20:32.000 That's the size of a man.

01:20:33.000 Yeah.

01:20:34.000 Oh, way bigger.

01:20:34.000 How big are halibut?

01:20:35.000 Look at this crazy fuck.

01:20:36.000 He jumped in the water.

01:20:37.000 Look at the size of it.

01:20:39.000 That way you get a perspective.

01:20:40.000 Wow.

01:20:41.000 How big is that?

01:20:42.000 12 feet long?

01:20:43.000 It was the size of him.

01:20:44.000 Yeah.

01:20:45.000 So if it was dark out and you saw it in the water and you were in a boat, you would shit your pants and say there was a monster in that water.

01:20:51.000 So if that thing exists and he caught that, it's super possible there could be something that's super similar to that.

01:21:00.000 It could be somebody overhearing you in a bar.

01:21:02.000 Like, dude, I'm telling you this thing was massive.

01:21:03.000 It was a monster.

01:21:04.000 And then you went to the bathroom and you just spread that. 0.96

01:21:06.000 It could be.

01:21:08.000 But it definitely could be, you see, something like that.

01:21:11.000 What's the most recent explanation?

01:21:13.000 Look at this.

01:21:13.000 Look at the size of the sturgeon he caught.

01:21:15.000 Damn!

01:21:15.000 That's the size of a person.

01:21:17.000 Yeah, it's huge.

01:21:17.000 How big are halibut?

01:21:18.000 Are they that size?

01:21:18.000 Huge.

01:21:19.000 Big ones are hundreds of pounds.

01:21:21.000 Bigger than people.

01:21:22.000 Whoa.

01:21:23.000 I think a world record halibut's like 300 pounds or something crazy.

01:21:28.000 I've seen people catch 100-pound ones on TV, and they have to pull it into the boat, and it's just like, what?

01:21:35.000 What the fuck is it?

01:21:36.000 You caught a table!

01:21:39.000 It's like, look at that one.

01:21:41.000 That's a halibut.

01:21:42.000 God, that is insane.

01:21:44.000 It may be the biggest Pacific halibut ever caught.

01:21:47.000 Back up to the one that was the biggest one, that one that...

01:21:49.000 Wow.

01:21:50.000 Yeah, go to the visit the page, see what the fuck it says.

01:21:53.000 Look at the size of that thing.

01:21:54.000 God damn.

01:21:55.000 We're looking at this thing.

01:21:56.000 That's like three people.

01:21:56.000 Yeah, it's in Seattle.

01:21:57.000 They caught that fucker.

01:21:58.000 Eight foot two inch.

01:21:59.000 Oh my god.

01:22:00.000 It was estimated at what?

01:22:03.000 533 pounds for a fucking halibut.

01:22:06.000 Dude, we'd eat like kings.

01:22:07.000 Those are things you have to fish for like two hours, right?

01:22:09.000 You have to keep them on the line and keep wearing them down and wearing them down.

01:22:12.000 It's one of those.

01:22:12.000 Yeah, they take forever.

01:22:14.000 I never caught anything that big, but I caught a Marlin once.

01:22:16.000 Really?

01:22:17.000 Yeah.

01:22:18.000 Not a big one either.

01:22:19.000 It was like a 70 pound one.

01:22:20.000 That was a fun fishing trip when we went up there.

01:22:22.000 Fuck yeah, that was a great time.

01:22:23.000 Yeah.

01:22:24.000 The time before, it was like five, six years before that, or ten years before or something, I don't know, whatever.

01:22:29.000 We went salmon fishing, then we went halibut fishing, but the water was too choppy because of the wind, so we couldn't sink the line all the way to the bottom.

01:22:35.000 We just gave up and went in.

01:22:36.000 Yeah.

01:22:38.000 Halibut is the best tasting, though, in my opinion.

01:22:40.000 Yeah, when you bake halibut with some butter and a little bit of garlic.

01:22:44.000 I like the river.

01:22:46.000 Like the river and lake fishes.

01:22:48.000 Well, they don't taste as good.

01:22:50.000 Oh, really?

01:22:50.000 Sometimes.

01:22:51.000 I mean, I think the fish that are in the ocean are more hardy, and I think they're more durable, too.

01:22:57.000 They don't get nasty as quick, it seems like.

01:23:00.000 This doesn't make any sense, but this is what I'm saying.

01:23:02.000 The difference in the taste between catching them and cooking them on the shore, like a trout or something like that, versus a tuna.

01:23:11.000 You could cook it a couple hours later and it'll still be alright.

01:23:14.000 That's what I heard about those rainbow trout and stuff like that.

01:23:18.000 They're better fresher.

01:23:20.000 Right away.

01:23:20.000 Kill it, eat it right now.

01:23:22.000 Rainbow trout tastes really good if you cook it right on the shore.

01:23:25.000 If you catch it and then you cook it right on the shore.

01:23:27.000 Hey, get that pan started! 0.91

01:23:29.000 I'm about to kill this motherfucker!

01:23:31.000 Get that hot grease going.

01:23:33.000 You know how the best way to cook them too?

01:23:34.000 Bacon grease.

01:23:36.000 Yeah, a little bit of corn flour.

01:23:38.000 Just a little bit.

01:23:38.000 Just gently.

01:23:39.000 Or flour.

01:23:40.000 You know, just gently.

01:23:41.000 Get some aperitif of bacon.

01:23:42.000 Put it on the pan.

01:23:43.000 Goddamn bacon grease.

01:23:44.000 Woo, boy! 0.81

01:23:46.000 Fry it up real quick.

01:23:47.000 Flip that bitch. 1.00

01:23:48.000 Get some lemon on that motherfucker. 1.00

01:23:50.000 Woo! 0.99

01:23:52.000 And you're doing it all like in a cast iron frying pan overlooking a river.

01:23:56.000 Yeah.

01:23:57.000 Feeling like some sort of a pioneer.

01:24:00.000 Dude, that'd be fun as fuck.

01:24:01.000 Fuck yeah.

01:24:03.000 We gotta do another fishing trip, dude.

01:24:04.000 Yeah.

01:24:05.000 I'm almost done with this hour.

01:24:07.000 Then I'll be way more free.

01:24:08.000 Yeah, man, I'm free now.

01:24:09.000 I don't have a joke in my head.

01:24:11.000 Nice.

01:24:12.000 I'm free.

01:24:13.000 Nice.

01:24:14.000 It's beautiful.

01:24:16.000 But, like, we should go somewhere.

01:24:18.000 Yeah, we should go somewhere.

01:24:18.000 Like Saskatchewan, catch Northern Pike.

01:24:20.000 You ever seen those things?

01:24:21.000 No.

01:24:22.000 The really pointy ones?

01:24:23.000 They're like a monster.

01:24:24.000 It's like a fucking dinosaur fish.

01:24:25.000 Yeah, those would be cool.

01:24:25.000 That'd be cool.

01:24:26.000 They taste good, too.

01:24:27.000 Yeah, dude, if we go out of the way enough, we could find nobody around us.

01:24:30.000 Mm-hmm.

01:24:32.000 Killing that DEET all over us and just fucking enjoy ourselves. 0.61

01:24:35.000 You know what else, too?

01:24:36.000 You get one of those thermocells.

01:24:38.000 You ever seen a thermocell?

01:24:39.000 Look at that.

01:24:39.000 That's a northern pike.

01:24:40.000 Oh, nicey, nice.

01:24:41.000 Yeah, they have big-ass teeth, man. 0.51

01:24:43.000 Hey, would you ever do that catfish hunting where you just fucking shove your fist down and pull one up?

01:24:47.000 No, I like my fingers, dude.

01:24:49.000 Those guys fuck up sometimes and get a snapping turtle.

01:24:51.000 Look at that one eating a frog! 0.96

01:24:53.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:24:54.000 These are big-ass fucking fish. 0.90

01:24:55.000 It's killing a frog! 0.98

01:24:56.000 These are big fish.

01:24:57.000 Wow.

01:24:58.000 There's a certain type that they call a muscalunge. 1.00

01:25:02.000 It's not a regular northern pike. 1.00

01:25:04.000 It's called a muskie.

01:25:05.000 And they're much smarter and much larger.

01:25:08.000 And they eat ducks.

01:25:12.000 Why don't you check out a picture?

01:25:14.000 That's about to eat that frog in the face. 1.00

01:25:16.000 Fuck that frog's face.

01:25:18.000 Dude, good nature photography is amazing.

01:25:20.000 That is amazing.

01:25:21.000 They sacrificed that frog.

01:25:23.000 He's got his mouth wide open.

01:25:25.000 Why didn't they save him from that beast?

01:25:26.000 You think that frog's just frozen?

01:25:28.000 Go full screen on that.

01:25:29.000 Go full screen on that.

01:25:30.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:25:30.000 Oh my gosh. 0.92

01:25:31.000 Look at its teeth, dude.

01:25:33.000 Now imagine if that was as big as a cow flying through the air. 0.96

01:25:37.000 And his mouth opening up right above you?

01:25:39.000 That was going to get you.

01:25:41.000 That frog is done!

01:25:42.000 Look how big his mouth is in comparison to his body, too.

01:25:49.000 That frog, his little reptile brain can't fuck with a mammal brain. 0.97

01:25:53.000 Wait, what's the tongue thing?

01:25:55.000 Especially flying mammals.

01:25:57.000 Yeah.

01:25:58.000 Boy.

01:25:59.000 If there were flying mammals back in the day, thank God our ancestors wiped all those fuckheads off the planet. 1.00

01:26:04.000 That would be an unfair advantage.

01:26:05.000 Oh, yeah.

01:26:06.000 But they let only things live that we could kill with our hands.

01:26:10.000 Yeah, or that wouldn't kill us.

01:26:11.000 Yeah.

01:26:12.000 Like, an eagle might be able to kill you, but I like my chances.

01:26:14.000 Yeah.

01:26:15.000 It ain't bothering anybody, though.

01:26:17.000 But they might.

01:26:18.000 They'll fly off with a baby.

01:26:19.000 Remember that fake baby video?

01:26:20.000 Yeah.

01:26:21.000 That looked so good.

01:26:22.000 So good.

01:26:22.000 I think those guys got work off that.

01:26:24.000 They're like, yes, it's fake.

01:26:25.000 We faked it.

01:26:26.000 Now please hire us to do fun shit like this.

01:26:28.000 Oh, honestly, I think it was a contest.

01:26:30.000 Oh, really?

01:26:31.000 Pretty sure.

01:26:32.000 Oh, yeah.

01:26:32.000 I think.

01:26:33.000 That might be right.

01:26:34.000 Yeah.

01:26:34.000 It looks so good.

01:26:35.000 The shadowing.

01:26:38.000 And it shot so well.

01:26:39.000 First, they're just filming the eagle.

01:26:41.000 Nothing's happening.

01:26:42.000 Wait, he's diving.

01:26:42.000 What's...

01:26:45.000 He just swoops down, grabs the kid, and flies off, and the guy chases after him.

01:26:49.000 And they even went to the ground with the camera.

01:26:51.000 It shot so good.

01:26:52.000 Oh my god.

01:26:56.000 Joe Perry made a fake Bigfoot video.

01:26:58.000 Really?

01:26:58.000 Yeah, Joe Perry from Aerosmith.

01:27:00.000 Really?

01:27:01.000 On purpose?

01:27:02.000 Let's see if he...

01:27:03.000 I don't know if he put it up.

01:27:04.000 See if he find Joe Perry's Bigfoot video.

01:27:07.000 Have you found one?

01:27:08.000 Put a dude in a ghillie suit and have him wander around through the woods, and they filmed it.

01:27:12.000 Was he claiming he was real?

01:27:14.000 No.

01:27:14.000 Joe Perry's an interesting guy, man.

01:27:18.000 This tape that we took got lost for about a week with all the hubbub of traveling and stuff.

01:27:25.000 And then we found it, and this is what we saw.

01:27:29.000 And this is what happened.

01:27:31.000 He's so Boston.

01:27:32.000 Check it out.

01:27:33.000 Just think of it what you think, you know.

01:27:37.000 I'm still blown away by it.

01:27:39.000 But it was a pretty scary afternoon, I've got to say.

01:27:45.000 Alright, go to the...

01:27:46.000 Oh, here it is.

01:27:50.000 He set that up so good.

01:27:52.000 So ridiculous.

01:27:53.000 Like as if someone would be filming him just sitting there in the sun.

01:27:57.000 In a field with nothing around him.

01:27:59.000 Oh.

01:27:59.000 And he's got like a little cookout going on.

01:28:01.000 Oh, he set it up so good.

01:28:05.000 But I just love the fact they're filming for no fucking reason.

01:28:08.000 Just filming a guy on his phone.

01:28:09.000 Yeah, no big deal.

01:28:10.000 Just happen to be filming.

01:28:11.000 Look, I'm moving around a little so you know it's real.

01:28:14.000 I skipped ahead this long video.

01:28:16.000 Yeah.

01:28:16.000 What is that?

01:28:18.000 What is that?

01:28:19.000 Yeah.

01:28:21.000 Did you hear that?

01:28:22.000 Nope.

01:28:23.000 I didn't hear anything.

01:28:26.000 Yeah.

01:28:27.000 I think it was just Mark.

01:28:28.000 See if you can find it.

01:28:30.000 If you can find it.

01:28:31.000 Alright, go to the spoiler.

01:28:32.000 We know we did it too long for sure.

01:28:37.000 We already know what the setup is.

01:28:39.000 Is it gonna be up here behind him?

01:28:41.000 I don't know.

01:28:42.000 Come on, be right here, be right here.

01:28:43.000 For sure put your shirt on, dude.

01:28:45.000 No, the sun's out!

01:28:46.000 Oh, the sound, it growls. 0.67

01:28:48.000 He had a growl.

01:28:50.000 Okay, they're in the woods.

01:28:52.000 Hmm.

01:28:53.000 I haven't seen anything yet.

01:28:55.000 Oh shit, it's here!

01:28:57.000 Run! 0.68

01:28:58.000 Run! 0.68

01:28:59.000 Run, John!

01:29:00.000 That was the worst acting of all time.

01:29:02.000 Run! 0.68

01:29:03.000 What is it?

01:29:04.000 I don't know, dude.

01:29:08.000 Fuck this.

01:29:11.000 Oh my god, this is so ridiculous.

01:29:13.000 It was big, and it was black, and it was fucking hairy.

01:29:17.000 After all that bullshit about Sasquatch and all that shit.

01:29:21.000 That's so tough.

01:29:23.000 That's so tough.

01:29:26.000 All that bullshit about Sasquatch and all that shit.

01:29:29.000 I see it!

01:29:30.000 Go! 0.95

01:29:31.000 Go! 0.95

01:29:32.000 That's from 1997. He made a Blair Witch Bigfoot movie on his tour bus.

01:29:38.000 How bored is he?

01:29:38.000 I saw it.

01:29:39.000 I saw it.

01:29:41.000 I saw it.

01:29:42.000 I saw it.

01:29:43.000 I saw it.

01:29:44.000 Boston people add extra R's that aren't necessary and remove other ones.

01:29:49.000 I saw it.

01:29:50.000 You know why?

01:29:51.000 They don't have to say the word garbage, because that's what they are.

01:29:54.000 Ooh, how dare you.

01:29:55.000 But when you perform there, you enjoy them, though, no?

01:29:57.000 They're all right, but the ones that aren't garbage, most of them are garbage.

01:30:01.000 Come on, dude.

01:30:02.000 Boston people.

01:30:03.000 Rude.

01:30:04.000 How rude.

01:30:05.000 This is a really dumb video, and you can take it down.

01:30:09.000 Enough is enough.

01:30:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:30:11.000 We don't have to watch the rest of that.

01:30:12.000 It's so unnecessary.

01:30:13.000 They get bored, man.

01:30:15.000 That was just them for their friends.

01:30:17.000 I wasn't really trying to...

01:30:18.000 Put it online!

01:30:19.000 It's on YouTube.

01:30:20.000 Jamie just found it.

01:30:22.000 He's trying to get a viral video going on.

01:30:25.000 Jamie made it.

01:30:27.000 Jamie's like, dude from Aerosmith, it's not the main guy, can I talk to you about the opportunity?

01:30:31.000 Bobcat Goldthwait bleeds in Bigfoot.

01:30:33.000 Really?

01:30:34.000 Yeah, we discussed this on the podcast yesterday.

01:30:35.000 He made a movie, a horror movie.

01:30:37.000 It's a good movie.

01:30:37.000 Really?

01:30:38.000 It's a good movie.

01:30:38.000 Yeah, it's fun.

01:30:39.000 It's like a Blair Witch type.

01:30:42.000 I saw him at Apple Store getting my phone fixed back when I had one, and he was just giving a talk there about the movie, just randomly.

01:30:50.000 Oh, he must have edited it on iMovie or something?

01:30:52.000 I don't know.

01:30:53.000 They just had him as like final cut.

01:30:54.000 Probably, right?

01:30:55.000 I was going to ask him when he said he was coming out.

01:30:57.000 Was he supposed to do it?

01:30:59.000 He was a director.

01:31:00.000 If anybody did it, he'd do it.

01:31:01.000 So they did put it together?

01:31:02.000 No.

01:31:03.000 Oh.

01:31:03.000 He was director of one.

01:31:05.000 Yeah.

01:31:05.000 The Willow Creek movie.

01:31:08.000 Willow Creek.

01:31:09.000 Yeah, it's really good, man.

01:31:10.000 I saw a scene from him.

01:31:11.000 It looked good.

01:31:12.000 You saw it.

01:31:12.000 Yeah, I saw it.

01:31:13.000 That's cool.

01:31:14.000 Yeah.

01:31:14.000 I was like, wow.

01:31:15.000 You made a fucking horror movie, man.

01:31:17.000 He just became a full director like years and years ago, right?

01:31:20.000 Decades?

01:31:20.000 Well, he's just a very smart dude and he could kind of do anything he wants.

01:31:25.000 My mom is not a dude. 1.00

01:31:28.000 Fuck, bro.

01:31:29.000 Why don't you concentrate on the smart part?

01:31:32.000 He can do whatever he wants.

01:31:34.000 He just has to set his mind to it, then he just does it.

01:31:37.000 It's not shocking to me that he does a horror movie.

01:31:39.000 He could kind of do any kind of movie.

01:31:41.000 Did you see Call Me Lucky?

01:31:43.000 No.

01:31:44.000 It's a documentary that he did about Barry Crimmins.

01:31:47.000 Oh, yeah, I heard about it.

01:31:48.000 Yeah, really influential Boston stand-up comedian, like one of the most important guys in the early days of Boston and was brutally molested when he was a kid by his babysitter's boyfriend.

01:32:00.000 Like, fucked in the ass, like, well, she, like, watched The Door, like that kind of shit. 1.00

01:32:06.000 Oh, wow.

01:32:07.000 Really bad, yeah.

01:32:08.000 And his sister saved his life.

01:32:10.000 She came down and he's unconscious, like he would shove his head in the couch so he couldn't breathe, like he couldn't scream, and the guy would fuck him and he would like literally black out.

01:32:21.000 From getting fucked with his face and it's a horrific, horrific documentary, but really well done and really fascinating and really open and the way Barry Crimmins talks about like getting over it and you know and and then all the people that love Barry and talk about what a massive influence he had on stand-up in Boston during the early days of Boston and then a lot of people that he knew like all his life did not know about this story.

01:32:47.000 You know, and he wanted to kind of put it out in this documentary form, and it's so well done.

01:32:52.000 I can't recommend it enough.

01:32:54.000 It's called Call Me Lucky.

01:32:56.000 Bobcat is a bad motherfucker. 0.73

01:32:58.000 He really is.

01:32:58.000 He could, you know...

01:33:00.000 He's nice.

01:33:01.000 He can do whatever he wants.

01:33:02.000 And he's a good dude, too.

01:33:03.000 He really is a good dude.

01:33:04.000 And he's a UFC fan.

01:33:06.000 Do you know the Blackhearts thing?

01:33:09.000 What's that?

01:33:09.000 The Blackhearts, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts and Lita Ford, had their managers line them up, said, it's time for you guys to become a woman.

01:33:15.000 He just said, bend over.

01:33:17.000 Every one of you are just fucking...

01:33:18.000 What?

01:33:18.000 Yeah.

01:33:19.000 Where'd you hear this?

01:33:19.000 Their manager.

01:33:20.000 Come on.

01:33:21.000 Big J, I guess.

01:33:22.000 Could be not true.

01:33:23.000 But he's into that kind of music.

01:33:24.000 Wait a minute.

01:33:26.000 So...

01:33:26.000 When they were 14. What?

01:33:27.000 Their manager fucked them all when they were the Runaways.

01:33:30.000 Come on.

01:33:30.000 Time for You Got Ladies to Become Women.

01:33:32.000 Something like that.

01:33:33.000 Really?

01:33:34.000 Yeah, I think it was in some, like, one of those documentaries.

01:33:36.000 Lita Ford or one of them was talking about it.

01:33:38.000 I know.

01:33:38.000 Well, you know what?

01:33:40.000 It's shocking.

01:33:41.000 Yeah.

01:33:41.000 But I wouldn't say I'm surprised.

01:33:43.000 It was a real piece of shit manager they had and just...

01:33:45.000 But would you be surprised that, like, some crazy showbiz manager would fuck his clients? 0.99

01:33:51.000 Oh, yeah, and keep him as clients, too.

01:33:52.000 For sure, right?

01:33:53.000 The right guy, the right crazy guy.

01:33:55.000 100%, right?

01:33:56.000 Mm-hmm.

01:33:58.000 And it wasn't like they had a lot of leverage when they were just signing with somebody.

01:34:01.000 They hadn't done anything.

01:34:02.000 They couldn't do shit back then about it.

01:34:04.000 They put them together.

01:34:04.000 What are you gonna do?

01:34:04.000 You gonna go to TMZ? Where are you gonna go?

01:34:06.000 Yeah, they just sucked it up.

01:34:08.000 Just nowhere to go.

01:34:10.000 Look what's happening with that singer girl's name who wants to get out of her contract. 1.00

01:34:14.000 Kesha.

01:34:15.000 Kesha.

01:34:16.000 Kesha.

01:34:16.000 Look at her.

01:34:17.000 I mean, who knows what the truth is behind that story or what's really going on, but it's kind of a similar thing.

01:34:22.000 Like, her producer was having sex with her, apparently, and she said he raped her.

01:34:27.000 Isn't that what she said?

01:34:28.000 Isn't that what the accusation is?

01:34:29.000 Yeah.

01:34:30.000 But meanwhile, she's tied into a contract with this dude, so she can't make music unless she makes it with him?

01:34:34.000 Yeah.

01:34:35.000 That's crazy.

01:34:37.000 Like, that's crazy if it's true.

01:34:39.000 Yeah, the judge was in a tough spot on that one.

01:34:42.000 What do you do there?

01:34:43.000 Because he's like, okay, you have a contract.

01:34:45.000 If nothing happens, then you have to honor your contract.

01:34:47.000 Right.

01:34:48.000 And there's no proof of this.

01:34:50.000 If it's true, that's horrible.

01:34:52.000 But either way, there's no proof of it.

01:34:53.000 So we can't just go on you saying, alleging this, because then everyone would just say, well, rape out of my contract, please.

01:34:58.000 Right.

01:34:59.000 So he's like, unless I have a proof of something, there's nothing I can do by contract law.

01:35:06.000 Right.

01:35:07.000 Yeah, that's a pretty heinous crime.

01:35:09.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:35:10.000 I mean, he's denying it, too.

01:35:11.000 Yeah, he's definitely denying it, but it's one of those really heinous crimes where you gotta go, how do you find out who the fuck told the truth?

01:35:20.000 It's such a hard crime to prove.

01:35:24.000 Well, especially when women get way upset about it, because it's so hard to prove it. 0.99

01:35:29.000 Well, that also sets it up for this thing where you're never supposed to question a victim.

01:35:33.000 Yeah.

01:35:34.000 Well, you can't say never.

01:35:36.000 Right.

01:35:37.000 Like, you definitely shouldn't automatically question the victim.

01:35:40.000 Yeah.

01:35:40.000 But if something seems goofy, you should not question the victim.

01:35:44.000 Like, people lie.

01:35:45.000 I know people that have had false rape accusations.

01:35:48.000 I know them personally.

01:35:49.000 I was going through it in New York.

01:35:51.000 And everybody at his level is like, we know she's crazy and that's just not a thing.

01:35:55.000 Dude, it can happen.

01:35:56.000 They're telling her, like, stop saying this.

01:35:58.000 You know it wasn't...

01:35:59.000 It can happen just like there can be crazy men.

01:36:03.000 There can be crazy women. 1.00

01:36:05.000 There's just crazy people.

01:36:06.000 There's people that will absolutely fucking make up a story.

01:36:10.000 Yeah.

01:36:11.000 And the thing is, if you don't know about it, or if you're like, well, how dare you?

01:36:14.000 You're not going to believe it.

01:36:14.000 It's like, yeah, yes.

01:36:16.000 So it becomes one of those things where it's like the person who is...

01:36:23.000 Accused of doing it is also being victimized.

01:36:26.000 Yeah, so we're supposed to ignore that victim and Concentrate the problems are based on this idea physical better a thousand men a thousand guilty men go free than one innocent man Go to prison.

01:36:38.000 Yeah, right people don't really like to apply that to rape No, no.

01:36:43.000 Well, it's one of those weird ones that you can't look at it objectively.

01:36:47.000 You're not allowed to.

01:36:48.000 Yeah, you know these internet maiming mobs they do now?

01:36:50.000 Is it?

01:36:50.000 Internet mobs, you know, mob justice.

01:36:52.000 That's in response to women not finding justice through the legal system. 1.00

01:36:56.000 Right.

01:36:56.000 So they're like, well, let's just fucking ruin his life.

01:36:58.000 Let's call his mom.

01:36:59.000 Let's do these things and really fuck up his life.

01:37:01.000 Well, we know that's true, too, right?

01:37:03.000 Yeah.

01:37:05.000 I mean, we know that people have done horrible shit and gotten away with it.

01:37:08.000 Yeah.

01:37:09.000 So then it's like, well, let's, you know.

01:37:10.000 And there might be an occasional, like, innocent man or North Carolina lacrosse team, Duke lacrosse team.

01:37:16.000 Is there any...

01:37:16.000 I know the rape is bad.

01:37:18.000 I'm not bringing that up.

01:37:19.000 What?

01:37:19.000 But is there anything on her...

01:37:19.000 You have to say that?

01:37:21.000 On her side about, like, you signed a bad contract.

01:37:24.000 Sorry.

01:37:24.000 Like...

01:37:25.000 Maybe at the beginning of it, you shouldn't have been into that?

01:37:27.000 No, but I don't think the contract has anything to do with her getting raped.

01:37:30.000 It doesn't have to do with that.

01:37:31.000 That's why she's suing him, because she can't supposedly make music because of the contract she has with that guy. 0.96

01:37:36.000 That's why her career is supposedly ruined right now. 1.00

01:37:38.000 The record industry has a long history of that, just burying people.

01:37:42.000 Yeah, but hold on.

01:37:44.000 We already kind of covered this.

01:37:46.000 She can't leave and make music because he has her under contract, even though she says he raped her.

01:37:51.000 Yeah.

01:37:51.000 Right.

01:37:53.000 Well, in my interpretation, I thought she was saying that she was raped in order to probably get out of this contract.

01:37:59.000 To break the contract.

01:38:00.000 She was raped to break the contract. 0.99

01:38:02.000 She's saying she was raped in order to get away from this guy who has her under contract.

01:38:05.000 Well, that would be the accusation.

01:38:07.000 And I'm just saying, like...

01:38:11.000 Not that you shouldn't be bringing up the rape, but if she's making it up, this would be a good thing to make up to get you out of a contract.

01:38:17.000 I'm sort of saying that.

01:38:19.000 Yeah, I mean, honestly, if you had an 8-and-8 contract in the UFC, and then some other company offered you $50,000 a fight, but you had a six-fight contract, you'd be like...

01:38:27.000 So you're going to pretend you got raped?

01:38:29.000 I mean, it would work.

01:38:30.000 I just don't know.

01:38:31.000 What do you say to get out of your contract?

01:38:32.000 It would make the public go.

01:38:33.000 How dare you not let them go?

01:38:34.000 I don't know what it is you would say to get out of your contract, but you'd have to make up something to get out of it.

01:38:39.000 Not that I'm saying she did.

01:38:40.000 No, that's what his side is saying.

01:38:41.000 She's making us up to get out of a shitty contract. 1.00

01:38:43.000 I'm asking, sorry.

01:38:44.000 Okay.

01:38:47.000 I didn't mean it that way.

01:38:51.000 No, I know.

01:38:52.000 It's such an electric subject.

01:38:53.000 You say, like, one word wrong.

01:38:55.000 You're like, wait, no, wait, that's not what I meant.

01:38:57.000 It's entirely possible that either one of them could not be telling the truth.

01:39:01.000 You're right.

01:39:01.000 Yeah.

01:39:01.000 We don't know.

01:39:02.000 I don't know her.

01:39:03.000 I've never even heard her voice.

01:39:04.000 I've never heard her talk.

01:39:05.000 I don't know anything about her.

01:39:06.000 So all I'm seeing is that she went to court and tried to get free, and they wouldn't let her free.

01:39:12.000 And the guy's still wandering around, so they're not prosecuting him for any sort of sexual offense, right?

01:39:19.000 As far as I've read, yeah.

01:39:20.000 When you sign a contract, you sign one, right?

01:39:22.000 Or no?

01:39:23.000 Yeah, that's what we say.

01:39:23.000 Yeah, I mean, she's obviously got some sort of a contract with her.

01:39:27.000 But see, here's another thing.

01:39:29.000 If I had a contract with someone and they falsely accused me of rape, I think I'd fucking let them go.

01:39:35.000 Yeah, but I don't want you anymore.

01:39:36.000 I wouldn't want to be tied into a contract with them.

01:39:38.000 But the idea of if in any way, shape, or form she's telling the truth of forcing her to work with somebody.

01:39:46.000 It's horrible.

01:39:47.000 Yeah.

01:39:48.000 See?

01:39:49.000 But that's not what the judge was doing.

01:39:50.000 The judge was just ruling on the contract law.

01:39:52.000 Contracts are fucking weird, man.

01:39:53.000 Like, think of it as a comic.

01:39:55.000 Think of, like, you as a comic.

01:39:57.000 Like, what if you had a contract to do your stand-up?

01:40:00.000 And, like, you had some guy that was, like, a producer that made you go on the road, and you had a pact with him, and he made you do his jokes, and he would help you write your act, and you couldn't do comedy without him.

01:40:14.000 I would just stop doing comedy.

01:40:16.000 But that's crazy!

01:40:18.000 That in the music business happens all the time.

01:40:20.000 That was the Prince thing.

01:40:21.000 That's why Gerard turned down New Girl.

01:40:23.000 What's that mean?

01:40:24.000 Gerard Carmichael.

01:40:25.000 What's New Girl?

01:40:26.000 He was that show New Girl with whatever his name is.

01:40:29.000 Zooey Deschanel.

01:40:30.000 I don't know who that is.

01:40:31.000 It's been on Fox for about seven or eight years.

01:40:33.000 Listen, you're acting like I'm...

01:40:33.000 You're not giving me enough information.

01:40:35.000 That's what I'm telling you.

01:40:36.000 I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

01:40:37.000 There's a TV show on Fox.

01:40:37.000 There's a sitcom on Fox.

01:40:38.000 It's been on for like seven or eight years.

01:40:40.000 It's got Zooey Deschanel in it.

01:40:41.000 Or one of the Deschanel twins.

01:40:43.000 And what did they try to do with Gerard?

01:40:44.000 He tested for it.

01:40:45.000 Right.

01:40:46.000 And then they really liked him.

01:40:47.000 And then he just disappeared.

01:40:48.000 Because he saw a seven-year contract.

01:40:50.000 And he was like, uh, I don't want to get locked into this thing for seven years.

01:40:53.000 Wow.

01:40:54.000 Now he has his own sitcom.

01:40:55.000 Seven year contract.

01:40:57.000 Yeah, he balked at it.

01:40:57.000 He, like, disappeared.

01:40:58.000 He hung out in a Starbucks or something.

01:41:00.000 Good for him.

01:41:00.000 Yeah, and he was sleeping on couches at the time.

01:41:02.000 He's got balls.

01:41:03.000 He didn't have a place to live.

01:41:05.000 Smart dude.

01:41:05.000 And he was like, meh.

01:41:06.000 Seven years.

01:41:06.000 Yeah, he wanted his own show.

01:41:08.000 A long ass fucking time, folks.

01:41:10.000 Yeah.

01:41:11.000 Seven years.

01:41:12.000 And what if the direction of the show becomes more corny?

01:41:14.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

01:41:15.000 So now, like, there's nothing you can do.

01:41:16.000 If you walk away, you'll never work here again.

01:41:18.000 What?

01:41:18.000 Doing bad sitcoms is a horrible feeling.

01:41:22.000 Oh.

01:41:22.000 It's horrible.

01:41:23.000 I was on that Fox show that was terrible.

01:41:26.000 Hardball?

01:41:27.000 Yeah, it was terrible.

01:41:28.000 There were some episodes where it was just unbelievably bad.

01:41:31.000 You feel like you're supposed to have to do it or something?

01:41:33.000 I feel like a whore.

01:41:35.000 You feel like, you know, you just feel gross when you say these lines because you know they're bad.

01:41:42.000 Yeah.

01:41:43.000 And you know that the show is bad and you know that this is the exact opposite of the way you feel when you're doing stand-up at a club.

01:41:51.000 Something good.

01:41:52.000 Well, when you're doing stand-up at a club, if you're doing your best and it doesn't work out, at least you know you can fix it and you can figure out how to make it funny again.

01:42:00.000 When you're doing these shows and it's bad, they tell you it's good and they make you keep going.

01:42:05.000 And so you're doing this...

01:42:06.000 Yeah, and they'll put a billboard up there and they'll show you where they've raised in the ratings, but you know it's terrible, so who cares?

01:42:12.000 I had to work with kids.

01:42:14.000 I worked with this kid who was on the set and she had...

01:42:16.000 They're not funny.

01:42:17.000 No, she was fine.

01:42:19.000 My point was...

01:42:20.000 Yeah, I'm sure she was a barrel of laughs. 1.00

01:42:21.000 She was a nice kid.

01:42:22.000 Fuck her. 1.00

01:42:23.000 She was a nice boy, too.

01:42:24.000 She was a nice young fella and a nice young girl that were on the show at one point in time.

01:42:27.000 They were very fine.

01:42:29.000 Fine folks.

01:42:30.000 But my point being, they were really young.

01:42:32.000 They had tutors and shit and they could only work a certain amount of hours in a day.

01:42:36.000 Why don't you expose your child to that? 0.98

01:42:38.000 Well, I had a conversation with one of them about it.

01:42:40.000 And I was just trying to figure out what's the idea behind it.

01:42:45.000 And they were kind of saying, you've got to strike while the iron is hot.

01:42:49.000 You have an opportunity right now to secure a lot of money.

01:42:53.000 Okay, that's for their Hollywood career.

01:42:55.000 But them as children, as human beings.

01:42:59.000 That's just another 50 industries you can work in.

01:43:03.000 Why are you fucking up...

01:43:05.000 Like, okay, chances are, you'll barely ever book anything, and you'll just get filled with this, like, mommy's not proud of me.

01:43:11.000 She keeps taking me to things I don't book.

01:43:13.000 And by the way, if you've booked two out of 50 things, that's still a really high percentage, which is you're getting rejected 48 times.

01:43:19.000 That's an amazing percentage.

01:43:20.000 Most people don't get two things.

01:43:22.000 So, constant rejection, and then if you get it, like, finally I get their love.

01:43:27.000 And then what if you book everything?

01:43:29.000 What if you nail stuff?

01:43:30.000 What's the best case scenario that way?

01:43:32.000 What is the best case scenario?

01:43:34.000 Overdose at 24. If you're lucky.

01:43:35.000 Yeah.

01:43:36.000 You get super sensitive, everybody loves you, River Phoenix.

01:43:39.000 They're all whacked.

01:43:40.000 They're crazy.

01:43:40.000 Except like Jodie Foster, she seems to be okay.

01:43:43.000 She seems like she pulled his way out of it.

01:43:45.000 She's the outlier of outliers. 0.78

01:43:47.000 Everybody else is fucking crazy.

01:43:50.000 They're all whacked up on fucking poopy pills.

01:43:51.000 They never get told the truth.

01:43:52.000 Never.

01:43:54.000 And you don't grow up.

01:43:56.000 Your grow up period is supposed to be this struggle.

01:43:58.000 You never get that struggle.

01:44:00.000 You don't have to win over friends?

01:44:01.000 You never have to learn how to make friends.

01:44:02.000 Everybody loves you everywhere you go.

01:44:03.000 They know who you are and they love you.

01:44:05.000 Oh, thank you.

01:44:05.000 It's fucking bananas.

01:44:06.000 Yeah.

01:44:07.000 That doesn't make any sense.

01:44:08.000 And you're going to expose your kid to that.

01:44:09.000 That's a best case scenario, is that thing.

01:44:12.000 Dude, I know several child stars.

01:44:14.000 You should use robots or midgets. 1.00

01:44:16.000 It shouldn't be legal.

01:44:17.000 You know several child stars?

01:44:18.000 Yeah, several.

01:44:19.000 Oh, yeah.

01:44:20.000 I know a couple of them.

01:44:22.000 I know several of them.

01:44:23.000 They're not quite right.

01:44:24.000 Oh, they can't be.

01:44:25.000 They're also actors, so that's part of it, too.

01:44:29.000 They're still in it.

01:44:29.000 They're garbage because of that.

01:44:31.000 Yeah, I think there's just something weird about developing your personality and your body going through puberty and all that shit while you're famous.

01:44:44.000 Yeah.

01:44:45.000 That sounds crazy.

01:44:47.000 Yeah.

01:44:49.000 It's not good for you.

01:44:50.000 Can't be.

01:44:51.000 Can't be.

01:44:52.000 What's important for everybody?

01:44:53.000 What's important for a guy like you or a guy like Joey or Duncan or anybody that I know that's interesting?

01:44:59.000 There was a lot of stress in the early years.

01:45:02.000 There was a lot of struggle and strife.

01:45:07.000 Fans and friends and just learn how to cope with no money.

01:45:10.000 Just build character.

01:45:11.000 That's what building character is, right?

01:45:13.000 Also, there's a certain amount of appreciation for whatever success you do attain, because you're always going to remember being poor and fucked up and sad.

01:45:22.000 If you were a waitress for a while, you'd enjoy being a movie star a lot more than just some child star who became... 0.73

01:45:28.000 Fuck yeah.

01:45:29.000 I mean, not saying that the child star can't form some sort of an understanding.

01:45:34.000 Not saying that it's not possible.

01:45:35.000 The odds go against you.

01:45:36.000 The odds are strongly against you.

01:45:38.000 My friend saw somebody at one of those award shows.

01:45:39.000 He just got into one of those award shows.

01:45:41.000 He said one of those American Pie ladies, you know, like Tara Reid or something like that.

01:45:46.000 Somebody pulled up in a Honda, you know, some valet.

01:45:48.000 And she goes, who brought a Honda?

01:45:51.000 I think it was like the lowest thing she could think of.

01:45:55.000 One of the American Pie girls said that?

01:45:56.000 Yeah.

01:45:57.000 Wow.

01:45:58.000 And it's just like, alright, you guys are never going to relate to actual people.

01:46:02.000 That's so weird.

01:46:03.000 Yeah.

01:46:04.000 Yeah.

01:46:04.000 I had some lady mock me once because I had an Acura NSX. Really?

01:46:08.000 She just mocked me in front of a restaurant for having a fake Ferrari. 1.00

01:46:13.000 That was too low a car.

01:46:14.000 Yeah.

01:46:15.000 $90,000 car.

01:46:16.000 It's a fucking great car.

01:46:17.000 To this day, I still wish I had it.

01:46:19.000 I should have never gotten rid of it.

01:46:20.000 I remember that car when you had that.

01:46:21.000 Oh, it's fucking beautiful.

01:46:23.000 It's a Honda.

01:46:24.000 Dude, you would bring these toys into the store and just be like, hey guys, take a look at this.

01:46:28.000 First of all, I'm going to play the sound system loud enough and they'll hear it in the showroom.

01:46:31.000 And then I'll show you the fucking bootleg video machine I have where you can watch full Bruce Lee videos while you're driving.

01:46:39.000 Oh, that was the Infinity.

01:46:40.000 Yeah.

01:46:40.000 You could watch Game of Death as you were driving.

01:46:43.000 I'm like, wait, is that legal?

01:46:44.000 You're like, what?

01:46:45.000 No!

01:46:45.000 You have a Switch.

01:46:47.000 A special switch I could hit.

01:46:49.000 Flipped over like Cannonball Run license plates.

01:46:53.000 Put a hit from everybody.

01:46:54.000 That's what you do when you get that Fear Factor money.

01:46:56.000 Yeah, you would come with that and marijuana lemonade before there were dispensaries.

01:47:00.000 Remember that?

01:47:01.000 It's like, what?

01:47:01.000 What is this?

01:47:02.000 Well, I was ahead of the curve when it came to marijuana drinkables.

01:47:07.000 I used to buy bottles of this marijuana wine.

01:47:10.000 It was like a soda.

01:47:12.000 We call it marijuana wine, but it was like a soda that contained weed in it.

01:47:16.000 Come on.

01:47:16.000 And it was fucking preposterously strong.

01:47:20.000 Really?

01:47:20.000 Oh my god, it tastes pretty good.

01:47:22.000 It tasted pretty good.

01:47:23.000 So you drink a whole glass of it and you just go on a spiral ride.

01:47:29.000 A tornado of emotions just turns you through the air.

01:47:35.000 Takes you to another place.

01:47:36.000 Drinkable, yeah.

01:47:38.000 Oh my god, it was so brutal.

01:47:39.000 It was so powerful.

01:47:40.000 And no one had tolerance for it back then.

01:47:42.000 No!

01:47:42.000 Not only that, we didn't understand that it was a different drug yet.

01:47:45.000 That was five years before the banana bread.

01:47:47.000 Yeah, nobody understood.

01:47:48.000 Even to this day, most people don't understand.

01:47:50.000 How much it's different?

01:47:51.000 Yeah, when you smoke it, you get the THC, but when you eat it, it becomes a totally different psychoactive substance.

01:47:56.000 How much do you take?

01:47:57.000 I don't know, one brownie. 0.97

01:47:58.000 Like, no, no, that's not an amount.

01:48:00.000 If you need a dosage, that can be so varied.

01:48:03.000 Because those barbarians that live on the East Coast, they don't have fucking regulations. 1.00

01:48:06.000 It's like saying one pill.

01:48:07.000 Like, what milligram?

01:48:08.000 Yeah.

01:48:09.000 Dude, have you seen this?

01:48:12.000 No.

01:48:13.000 Oh, the tincture?

01:48:14.000 No, it's a breath spray.

01:48:16.000 Breath spray.

01:48:16.000 Oh, yeah, you showed me that.

01:48:17.000 This is the 175. This is very light.

01:48:21.000 170 milligrams?

01:48:22.000 Yeah.

01:48:23.000 Jumbos.

01:48:23.000 And how many sprays is 170 milligrams?

01:48:25.000 That's not light at all.

01:48:26.000 Here's a problem.

01:48:26.000 This is 175. This is 1,000.

01:48:29.000 Oh, the whole bottle.

01:48:30.000 The whole bottle.

01:48:31.000 Oh.

01:48:32.000 A thousand!

01:48:32.000 That's not a very good in-between.

01:48:33.000 Dude, all you have to do is pop that cap, right?

01:48:36.000 Squeeze that, twist it, throw that bitch down. 1.00

01:48:38.000 Tastes good, it'll take a second.

01:48:40.000 A thousand milligrams.

01:48:41.000 And you're gone.

01:48:43.000 You'll barf on that if you don't have a tolerance.

01:48:44.000 Even if you're Joey Diaz, you're gone.

01:48:46.000 I think that Joey...

01:48:47.000 No.

01:48:47.000 He takes a thousand.

01:48:48.000 That's not true.

01:48:49.000 I've seen Lee take 950. I've seen Joey eat two of those stars of death.

01:48:54.000 What are those stars of death?

01:48:55.000 250 each.

01:48:56.000 That's 500. That's close.

01:48:57.000 Dude, he gave me one of my tapings.

01:48:59.000 It does not have any tapings this year.

01:49:00.000 And I was like, I can't, Joey.

01:49:01.000 I ate a corner, and it got me.

01:49:03.000 You know sometimes small ones still get you?

01:49:05.000 Yeah.

01:49:05.000 I was okay for my story at halfway through, and then I was like, fuck.

01:49:08.000 Do you remember one of those los jormones, those gummies, the gummy bears?

01:49:11.000 Los gummies hermanos?

01:49:12.000 Yeah, los gummies hermanos.

01:49:14.000 Those gummy bears are fucking insane.

01:49:16.000 They should be illegal.

01:49:17.000 Dude, those guys come to the punchline and stuff like you want to smoke?

01:49:20.000 Sure.

01:49:21.000 And then you just see a fire going.

01:49:24.000 You just carry tortures as your regular.

01:49:27.000 That's your car pipe.

01:49:29.000 Damn, full torch.

01:49:30.000 Giant blunts.

01:49:32.000 I ate four before the UFC the other day.

01:49:33.000 You ate four?

01:49:34.000 You ate a thousand?

01:49:36.000 Jamie apparently doesn't feel it.

01:49:38.000 Yeah, it doesn't affect me that way.

01:49:39.000 You're too thin.

01:49:39.000 Thin people.

01:49:40.000 I don't know.

01:49:41.000 No.

01:49:41.000 Here's my theory, because I've heard this a lot.

01:49:43.000 A lot of times, it's people with really low fat.

01:49:45.000 It binds to fat.

01:49:47.000 If they don't have anything for it to bind on...

01:49:49.000 No.

01:49:50.000 With the people I've seen- He's lower fat than me, though, probably.

01:49:54.000 He's meaty.

01:49:56.000 Yeah, but it's muscle, not fat.

01:49:57.000 There's fat in there, though.

01:49:58.000 Come on, son.

01:49:59.000 Shredded. 0.96

01:50:01.000 How dare you?

01:50:03.000 I don't know.

01:50:05.000 Alright, good point.

01:50:07.000 I'm lighter than I've ever been.

01:50:08.000 How much do you weigh?

01:50:09.000 190. I'm lighter than I've been in a long time.

01:50:12.000 Which means I have lower body fat.

01:50:14.000 And I'm so much fatter than you.

01:50:16.000 Because I'm like a chimpanzee.

01:50:18.000 I'm short and fucked up looking.

01:50:21.000 Fucking muscle filled with helium.

01:50:23.000 It's just thick.

01:50:25.000 It's just all bones and muscle.

01:50:27.000 But my point being, I get blasted.

01:50:32.000 It has nothing to do with body fat.

01:50:34.000 It doesn't change with me.

01:50:36.000 You eat fatty foods?

01:50:37.000 I don't know.

01:50:37.000 I don't eat much fatty foods.

01:50:39.000 I eat fat.

01:50:39.000 The people I've seen that happen to, it doesn't hit them, it's always real thin, real small people.

01:50:44.000 But when you're talking about like fatty foods, people think of fatty foods like things that make you fat.

01:50:47.000 Yeah.

01:50:48.000 Or fat itself.

01:50:49.000 I eat more fat.

01:50:50.000 Yeah.

01:50:51.000 But it doesn't make you fat.

01:50:52.000 Right, right, right.

01:50:52.000 Your body starts burning.

01:50:54.000 Maybe it's that fat that you take in.

01:50:55.000 I know sometimes when you eat a slice of pizza after you get high, it kicks it up again.

01:50:59.000 Really?

01:51:00.000 Yeah.

01:51:00.000 For sure.

01:51:01.000 Did they say, like, mangoes?

01:51:03.000 I was going to say orange juice.

01:51:04.000 People used to drink orange juice a lot.

01:51:05.000 That was for acid and mushrooms. 0.62

01:51:06.000 Same thing.

01:51:07.000 Same thought, I guess, but I don't know if that's true.

01:51:08.000 I thought it was, uh...

01:51:10.000 God, I want to say mangoes.

01:51:12.000 Like, someone said that mangoes enhance your high.

01:51:14.000 Get Joey Diaz on the phone.

01:51:15.000 I've heard that with mangoes.

01:51:16.000 I've heard that with mangoes.

01:51:17.000 Go to Jamaica. 0.86

01:51:18.000 Be one of those fucking coconuts. 1.00

01:51:20.000 You're on with 1-900-JRE. It's 100% true. 1.00

01:51:26.000 Mangos increase the effects of consuming marijuana.

01:51:28.000 Sort of smoking more.

01:51:31.000 Leave your fruit at home, you pussy. 1.00

01:51:35.000 Ari wants candy and more pot. 1.00

01:51:38.000 Fuck off, punks.

01:51:40.000 I gotta slow down.

01:51:41.000 Do you?

01:51:42.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:51:43.000 Dean Delray got the diabetes.

01:51:45.000 What?

01:51:45.000 Got the candy diabetes.

01:51:47.000 What?

01:51:48.000 Yeah, he's reversed it already, but he told his doctor he's lethargic and whatever.

01:51:52.000 He goes, oh yeah, man, I think I know what that is.

01:51:54.000 And he said he got it not from candy.

01:51:55.000 He eats a lot of candy, but from those tortilla shells and shit like that.

01:51:59.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:51:59.000 That turn to fat, pizza, stuff that turns to sugar in your body. 0.71

01:52:02.000 So he's just eating way too many carbs.

01:52:04.000 Yeah, sugar and Cartwright.

01:52:06.000 You know Sam Harris, the neuroscientist, the atheist character, really great podcast guest, he went vegan and his blood lipids are all fucked up because he's consuming so many carbs, like so many pastas and breads and things along those lines,

01:52:23.000 that that sort of breaks it down in his body to sugar, so it fucks up your blood lipids.

01:52:29.000 You got to be real careful with that.

01:52:31.000 If you're going to do like a carbohydrate-rich diet, you really got to mix up a lot of green leafy vegetables.

01:52:39.000 And if you're going to get fats, you should get them from like, you got to use like coconut oil and coconut butter and things along those lines to keep everything.

01:52:46.000 Fuck.

01:52:47.000 Yeah.

01:52:47.000 I'm just going to try to stop eating as much candy.

01:52:49.000 Don't eat candy.

01:52:50.000 I don't eat any sugar.

01:52:51.000 As much.

01:52:51.000 I don't eat any sugar unless it's like...

01:52:53.000 Based on ribs?

01:52:55.000 Less than something, like less than a certain...

01:52:58.000 Basting on ribs like shit like that.

01:52:59.000 That's the kind of sugar you like.

01:53:00.000 Come on.

01:53:01.000 That doesn't count.

01:53:01.000 It doesn't count.

01:53:02.000 I know, but it doesn't count.

01:53:04.000 But it does in the way your body processes food.

01:53:07.000 That's where it gets weird.

01:53:08.000 It's still mostly meat.

01:53:09.000 It's still less than candy.

01:53:10.000 Less than a bag of Haribo.

01:53:11.000 But it doesn't matter.

01:53:12.000 Your body doesn't know about that mostly meat shit.

01:53:14.000 Your body knows, oh, I just took in 51 grams of sugar from barbecue sauce.

01:53:19.000 It doesn't know.

01:53:20.000 As a matter of fact, your body doesn't know when you're taking in sugar from fruit.

01:53:24.000 I thought it does because it binds with the fiber, if your actual fruit.

01:53:28.000 It helps if you eat it, but if you're drinking orange juice, that sugar is the same as sugar from Coca-Cola.

01:53:34.000 Damn!

01:53:35.000 They lied to us.

01:53:36.000 Your body doesn't know what the fuck it is.

01:53:38.000 If you drink a giant-ass 20-ounce glass of orange juice, your body is just simply not designed to have that much sugar come out of an orange.

01:53:47.000 That's like fucking nine oranges with no fiber.

01:53:51.000 So it whacks your body out.

01:53:52.000 It's probably better for you because there's all vitamin C in it, there's no caffeine, and it's probably better for you than a 20 ounce Coca-Cola.

01:53:59.000 But the sugar amount...

01:54:01.000 Processed?

01:54:02.000 Does it matter if it's processed or not?

01:54:03.000 Alright, let me ask you this.

01:54:04.000 I gotta pee.

01:54:04.000 Can I pee in the spring bottle water?

01:54:06.000 Yeah, just whip your dick out, bro.

01:54:07.000 Okay.

01:54:07.000 Guess how much sugar.

01:54:08.000 He dick's not small enough for that.

01:54:09.000 Don't piss all over my floor.

01:54:11.000 Yeah, you can do it in there.

01:54:12.000 Just cornhole that. 0.71

01:54:13.000 But we have to go soon anyway because I gotta get something somewhere.

01:54:17.000 He's gonna pee.

01:54:18.000 Folks, don't put a camera on him because that's rude. 1.00

01:54:20.000 There he goes.

01:54:21.000 Don't put a camera on him.

01:54:22.000 We don't want to lose our YouTube feed.

01:54:23.000 Guess how much sugar is in a...

01:54:25.000 Less now.

01:54:27.000 Let me put the camera near his dick. 1.00

01:54:29.000 Or the...

01:54:31.000 Folks, that's the first time anybody's peed on the podcast.

01:54:34.000 Don't take a photo of his dick! 1.00

01:54:35.000 How dare you?

01:54:37.000 He's taking a photo of your dick, bro.

01:54:40.000 What?

01:54:40.000 How dare you?

01:54:40.000 That's a full kombucha.

01:54:42.000 Definitely don't drink that.

01:54:43.000 Are you going to piss in the pickles, too?

01:54:44.000 I got it.

01:54:45.000 I'm not done.

01:54:45.000 Bro, how'd you cut off stream?

01:54:47.000 For sure you're dribbling on my carpet.

01:54:48.000 I pinched it.

01:54:49.000 No, I fully pinched.

01:54:50.000 You fully pinched?

01:54:51.000 Fully pinched.

01:54:51.000 I fully pinched.

01:54:53.000 Dude, that's a lot of pee.

01:54:54.000 That's a lot of pee.

01:54:54.000 Ari Shaffir will be at the Comedy Store tomorrow night, ladies and gentlemen.

01:54:58.000 Go to AriTheGreat.com and you can buy tickets.

01:55:01.000 Tell them that you heard him pee on the Joe Rogan Experience and you will get absolutely nothing off your ticket price.

01:55:07.000 It's only $10, cocksuckers. 1.00

01:55:08.000 It's only $10, folks.

01:55:10.000 We got piss here.

01:55:10.000 If you want it, we're going to put it on eBay for poachers.

01:55:15.000 We're going to...

01:55:16.000 We're going to stop poaching in Africa.

01:55:19.000 That's how you attract Jews to hunt. 1.00

01:55:21.000 Put out some Jew piss. 1.00

01:55:22.000 We're going to stop the poaching with Ari's piss. 0.97

01:55:24.000 Hey, by the way, can I say this?

01:55:26.000 Yes, you can.

01:55:27.000 I'm going to Edinburgh.

01:55:28.000 All the UK people listen to you.

01:55:30.000 You say bruh?

01:55:30.000 Edinburgh.

01:55:31.000 Edinburgh.

01:55:31.000 Yeah.

01:55:32.000 Edinburgh.

01:55:33.000 Edinburgh.

01:55:33.000 Someone tell those people there's a G and an H in there.

01:55:36.000 They don't see it that way.

01:55:37.000 They also have rules against bringing knives because they get stabby there too.

01:55:41.000 Yeah, they have no knives at all bars.

01:55:43.000 I'm doing my hour.

01:55:44.000 This hour that I'm doing tomorrow at the Comedy Store.

01:55:46.000 And then I'm going to record in October in Cap City.

01:55:48.000 I'm doing this hour.

01:55:49.000 It's not a British hour.

01:55:51.000 This is what an American hour looks like. 0.51

01:55:53.000 Fuck your themes and your spotlights.

01:55:56.000 What?

01:55:56.000 And your chairs are sitting and get serious at the end.

01:55:58.000 We don't do that here.

01:55:59.000 What happens over there?

01:56:00.000 Madness?

01:56:01.000 A few people won this award by doing this, like, full circle thing.

01:56:04.000 Trying to, like, that's when I realized, you know, I was...

01:56:07.000 And it's just like, then they all start trying to emulate that.

01:56:10.000 We don't do that here.

01:56:12.000 Whoa.

01:56:12.000 So that's my hour.

01:56:14.000 Okay, so you're doing American stand-up comedy, am I right?

01:56:16.000 Yes, American stand-up comedy.

01:56:18.000 It is 2016. Yes.

01:56:20.000 That is the best style.

01:56:21.000 At the Hive, 6.30 every day, 25 straight days.

01:56:25.000 Wow.

01:56:25.000 Maybe 22. That's insane.

01:56:28.000 How many people are in the place?

01:56:29.000 I don't know.

01:56:30.000 Wow.

01:56:31.000 Hopefully more.

01:56:32.000 So if you have friends that are going, tell them about it.

01:56:34.000 How many is a seat?

01:56:35.000 You don't know?

01:56:35.000 This place seats about 120. Oh, that's perfect.

01:56:37.000 Yeah.

01:56:38.000 But you gotta fill up on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

01:56:40.000 It's not gonna happen.

01:56:41.000 Right.

01:56:41.000 But you'll have a good time anyway.

01:56:42.000 Yeah.

01:56:42.000 I learned a lot from this thing.

01:56:44.000 Hey man, those fucking...

01:56:45.000 Sometimes those shows with 10 people are the best shows ever.

01:56:48.000 Yeah.

01:56:48.000 For sure I love this thing.

01:56:50.000 Or the shows with 50 people are sometimes the best show ever.

01:56:52.000 Also these Scottish people that don't get your references.

01:56:54.000 And it's like, what?

01:56:55.000 Twist it around.

01:56:56.000 You gotta figure out how to make a dance.

01:56:58.000 Yeah.

01:56:58.000 Just pay what you want.

01:57:00.000 Whoa.

01:57:00.000 What are you, a communist?

01:57:02.000 Fucking socialist?

01:57:02.000 I'm a little bit of a communist for certain things.

01:57:04.000 That'll work over there.

01:57:04.000 But people contribute there.

01:57:05.000 At Edinburgh, it's so weird, man.

01:57:06.000 Even the big guys.

01:57:07.000 They come outside afterwards like, I got a bucket.

01:57:09.000 It's just like part of it.

01:57:10.000 Whoa.

01:57:11.000 Yeah.

01:57:12.000 I like it.

01:57:12.000 A lot of them just do fully free shows.

01:57:13.000 I'm like, if you enjoyed it, pay me.

01:57:14.000 And then the great shows that fill up, get more money.

01:57:17.000 That is a great idea.

01:57:18.000 Yeah.

01:57:18.000 It doesn't feel like begging because everyone is doing it there.

01:57:21.000 That's a great idea.

01:57:23.000 Yeah.

01:57:24.000 That's like very fair.

01:57:25.000 Mm-hmm.

01:57:26.000 If I sucked, get out of here.

01:57:28.000 Don't worry about it.

01:57:28.000 Yeah.

01:57:29.000 If you really like me, support a couple of fucking pounds.

01:57:31.000 You get way higher percentage, so less money, but like, the people who can't afford it, can't afford it.

01:57:36.000 Okay.

01:57:36.000 Right.

01:57:37.000 And then they might be a bit good.

01:57:38.000 See, the problem is you give people free tickets in America.

01:57:41.000 Right.

01:57:42.000 I don't know if it would work over here like that.

01:57:43.000 Yeah, but there, right, because they were crazy and they'll squeeze.

01:57:45.000 They're just assholes.

01:57:46.000 Right.

01:57:47.000 There, you tell them, hey, you didn't pay, get the fuck out.

01:57:50.000 And they just leave.

01:57:50.000 Right.

01:57:51.000 They're like, I don't want to be here, I'll just go.

01:57:52.000 But when you comp people in America, oftentimes you get like a less enthusiastic crowd.

01:57:57.000 For sure.

01:57:58.000 But maybe it's just an American idea, though, you know?

01:57:59.000 Could be.

01:58:00.000 They do treat it more like theater there.

01:58:02.000 Twats! 1.00

01:58:03.000 Yeah.

01:58:04.000 Alright folks, we gotta get the fuck out of here.

01:58:05.000 That's it for the week.

01:58:06.000 Watch This Is Not Happening.

01:58:08.000 When?

01:58:09.000 Oh, it's only on YouTube now.

01:58:10.000 Every Tuesday.

01:58:10.000 Every Tuesday, you fucks.

01:58:12.000 Every Tuesday.

01:58:13.000 This Is Not Happening.

01:58:15.000 AriTheGreat.com for tickets for tomorrow night at the fucking Comedy Store. 0.81

01:58:19.000 And that's it.

01:58:21.000 The Rosa Story is this week.

01:58:22.000 It's a good one.

01:58:23.000 Watch that.

01:58:23.000 These are the uncut ones on YouTube.

01:58:25.000 Alright.

01:58:25.000 Sorry, sorry.

01:58:26.000 Bye, lovelies.

01:58:28.000 See ya.

01:58:28.000 Who wants his piss?

01:58:30.000 Who wants his piss? 0.87

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 22, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #814 - Ari Shaffir

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