The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #866 - Christine Hassler

00:00:04.000 Christine, we're live.

00:00:05.000 Alright, I'm ready.

00:00:06.000 How you doing?

00:00:06.000 We talked a lot before this podcast.

00:00:08.000 We even said we weren't going to talk.

00:00:10.000 We were like, I don't want to talk to you too much.

00:00:12.000 A lot of stuff to talk about. 0.98

00:00:13.000 But damn, we got into everything. 0.97

00:00:15.000 Christy Brinkley, Fibonacci sequence. 0.99

00:00:17.000 Tony Robbins.

00:00:18.000 Tony Robbins.

00:00:19.000 We covered a lot of ground.

00:00:20.000 Crime.

00:00:21.000 Crime.

00:00:23.000 Boyfriends as dogs, as protective dogs.

00:00:25.000 Yes, protective dogs.

00:00:28.000 How did you get to become a life coach?

00:00:32.000 Oh, gosh.

00:00:33.000 Was that the worst?

00:00:34.000 No, no, no.

00:00:35.000 I never planned on it.

00:00:37.000 And I don't really even like that title.

00:00:40.000 What's a good name?

00:00:40.000 I haven't come up with a better name for it.

00:00:42.000 Let's come up with one.

00:00:43.000 But maybe by the end of the show, we'll come up with something better.

00:00:45.000 So that's your job, Joe.

00:00:48.000 Okay.

00:00:48.000 To figure out my new title by the end of the show.

00:00:51.000 So...

00:00:52.000 I started out in Hollywood, actually.

00:00:54.000 I moved out after college to LA because, mainly because growing up I was teased a lot.

00:01:00.000 I was massively insecure.

00:01:02.000 And if you've got something to prove, Hollywood's a great place to come do it. 0.99

00:01:05.000 So you came out here to like, I'll fucking show you people. 0.99

00:01:07.000 Yeah, I'll show you. 0.97

00:01:08.000 Yeah, since I didn't fit in, I didn't have a lot of friends and boys didn't really ever like me unless they wanted to cheat off my paper.

00:01:14.000 I became addicted to achieving.

00:01:16.000 And I was like, what can I be?

00:01:17.000 I want to be somebody.

00:01:19.000 Like, if only I was somebody.

00:01:20.000 How old were you?

00:01:21.000 How old was I? Yeah.

00:01:22.000 Oh gosh, when it started, 10, 8, something like that.

00:01:25.000 That's when you started wanting to prove yourself?

00:01:29.000 Well, that's when the teasing started happening.

00:01:31.000 And that's when I started to feel like I didn't really fit in and I needed to find a way to feel worth something.

00:01:38.000 So overachieving kind of became my way to do that.

00:01:41.000 And then at 10, I was diagnosed with depression and put on Prozac at 10. What?

00:01:46.000 I know.

00:01:47.000 We'll bookmark that.

00:01:48.000 Come back.

00:01:49.000 And so from a very early age, I really thought something was wrong with me.

00:01:55.000 I didn't fit in.

00:01:55.000 And so I had to come up with these compensatory strategies to feel worthy, to feel validated, to feel like I mattered.

00:02:02.000 And so I just became like straight A student, addicted to achieving.

00:02:07.000 Went out to college.

00:02:08.000 I grew up in Texas.

00:02:10.000 Went to Northwestern.

00:02:11.000 Graduated early.

00:02:11.000 And was just committed to moving to Hollywood and working my way out.

00:02:15.000 As an actor...

00:02:15.000 I mean, as a kid, I was an actor.

00:02:16.000 I tried that for a little bit.

00:02:17.000 And then I was like, whoa, this is way too much rejection.

00:02:19.000 I can't deal with this.

00:02:20.000 I want to go on the other side of the camera and pursue this career in Hollywood.

00:02:24.000 And I didn't know what exactly I was going to do.

00:02:26.000 I thought I was going to be a producer or something like that.

00:02:29.000 But I came out.

00:02:30.000 I was 20 years old.

00:02:31.000 And I applied at the William Morris Agency to...

00:02:35.000 You know, be an assistant.

00:02:36.000 They're like, you have to go through the training program, which is like pushing mail carts around.

00:02:39.000 And I did not want to do that.

00:02:40.000 So somehow I got a desk like really early and started working for the head of TV packaging and quickly learned I did not want to be an agent.

00:02:49.000 Like I just didn't like it.

00:02:50.000 It was crazy long hours.

00:02:51.000 I was treated poorly.

00:02:52.000 It was just a hellish job.

00:02:54.000 And it was a lot of selling.

00:02:55.000 I didn't really like that either.

00:02:59.000 I left and actually went and worked on The Man Show.

00:03:02.000 You did?

00:03:03.000 I did.

00:03:03.000 I thought, maybe I'll like production.

00:03:05.000 So first season of The Man Show, I was there, which was kind of a blast and also just crazy.

00:03:12.000 It was a crazy show to work on.

00:03:14.000 I mean, Jimmy and Adam were always super awesome to me.

00:03:16.000 But I was a young girl, PA, running around.

00:03:21.000 Juggy dancers were everywhere.

00:03:22.000 I was like, what am I What are you doing here?

00:03:24.000 So I quickly got out of production and then started in comedy development at Paramount.

00:03:29.000 Started scouting comedians and going to comedy clubs and finding people that I could represent and bring in, maybe get deals for them.

00:03:36.000 And that quickly transitioned to moving to another company where I was doing comedy development.

00:03:42.000 And then I quickly fell back into being an agent.

00:03:45.000 So that was like my first career, was like going to comedy clubs late at night.

00:03:50.000 Eddie Ift, who I think you know, was my first client.

00:03:52.000 Yeah.

00:03:52.000 That was your first client?

00:03:53.000 That's fine.

00:03:53.000 I know Eddie very well.

00:03:54.000 Yeah, he was my very first client.

00:03:56.000 We still keep in touch.

00:03:57.000 He says hi.

00:03:58.000 And that was like my life.

00:03:59.000 So here I am now, 24, 25, working at a big agency, representing clients.

00:04:06.000 I was the youngest female agent in the department, maybe even in...

00:04:11.000 I don't know.

00:04:12.000 I was really young, got promoted really, really super young.

00:04:14.000 And I was dating the head of a movie studio and I was living this amazing Hollywood life, like making a lot of money, going to the Oscars and Golden Globes, private jets, hanging out with celebrities.

00:04:25.000 Like I totally had it all.

00:04:27.000 But I still wasn't happy.

00:04:29.000 It was like I'd achieve one thing and then there had to be the next thing.

00:04:32.000 And then I'd achieve this and then there had to be the next thing.

00:04:34.000 You know, I'd get the guy.

00:04:35.000 I still wouldn't be happy.

00:04:35.000 I'd get the promotion still.

00:04:37.000 I was on that constant chase and nothing ever was like doing it.

00:04:41.000 So about two years I did this job.

00:04:45.000 I'm still on antidepressants.

00:04:47.000 I'm also taking anti-anxiety pills at the time and just like trying to like manage my life.

00:04:52.000 And I was one of those people that I could really look good from the outside.

00:04:58.000 I could seem like I had it all together.

00:04:59.000 And the inside was a totally different story.

00:05:02.000 It's kind of like a duck on water.

00:05:03.000 It looks smooth, but underneath it's like...

00:05:04.000 That was what I was like.

00:05:07.000 And a lot of people ask me about how to achieve all this and still suffer from depression.

00:05:13.000 And I was a very functional, depressed person.

00:05:17.000 A lot of people think if you're depressed, you just lay in bed all day.

00:05:19.000 And watch, you know, soap operas or something.

00:05:21.000 But that's not the, that doesn't, you know, summarize all depression.

00:05:26.000 Like there's different ways it shows up.

00:05:27.000 And so I was able to live my life, but I always felt like something was missing.

00:05:34.000 I always felt like I wasn't enough.

00:05:35.000 And I just had this heavy, heavy energy and nothing I could achieve was ever filling that gap.

00:05:42.000 So let me keep going.

00:05:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:05:46.000 So, one day I was riding up in the elevator to work and I had basically a mini panic attack.

00:05:51.000 I just, I couldn't breathe.

00:05:52.000 I got off the elevator and I just couldn't catch my breath and was looking at, there was a lot of weird painting and art in our office and I was looking at the weird photos and the one outside of my desk was this woman in a negligee who was nine months pregnant in this huge yard sale with a UFO light shining down on her about to take her up.

00:06:13.000 And I'm looking at this painting and I'm like, I feel like that's me.

00:06:17.000 How did I get here?

00:06:18.000 And I just, I went back down the elevator, walked around Beverly Hills and then came back upstairs and I just wanted to quit.

00:06:26.000 All I wanted to do was quit.

00:06:27.000 I thought that was the answer.

00:06:28.000 It was just I could quit my job and reinvent myself and start over.

00:06:31.000 But I needed someone to give me permission.

00:06:33.000 And so I called my dad.

00:06:34.000 Because, you know, my dad has always been there for me.

00:06:37.000 And I'm like, Dad, I really want to quit this job.

00:06:40.000 Can I? And he did a really good dad thing.

00:06:42.000 Really pissed me off at the time.

00:06:43.000 But it was a good dad move.

00:06:45.000 You want to guess what he did? 1.00

00:06:47.000 He told you to get your shit together? 1.00

00:06:50.000 That's what I would do. 1.00

00:06:51.000 Close.

00:06:52.000 No.

00:06:53.000 He said, I love you, but I can't make this decision for you.

00:06:57.000 That is a good dad thing.

00:06:58.000 Very good dad thing.

00:06:59.000 And he hung up, and I quit the next day, and that was the first really big risk I ever took.

00:07:07.000 Why did you feel like you were the pregnant woman with a UFO about to take you off in a flying saucer?

00:07:11.000 That...

00:07:12.000 I just felt confused and lost and like I didn't fit in and like chaos and it's all wrong and how did I get here and what is happening?

00:07:21.000 Isn't it crazy that Hollywood has so many stories I mean not obviously not exactly like yours but so many stories of people who were rejected and who have decided they're gonna come here to prove something or to get the love that they need and what do they run into?

00:07:36.000 They're in the business of rejection.

00:07:38.000 Exactly.

00:07:39.000 Most people don't really think about it because most people don't act.

00:07:41.000 But if you try to act, you have to audition.

00:07:44.000 And if you audition, you're going to audition with hundreds of other people that are all trying to get the same job.

00:07:49.000 And they treat you like hundreds of other people are trying to get the same job.

00:07:52.000 Yep.

00:07:52.000 It's the weirdest thing.

00:07:54.000 And people leave and they're just devastated.

00:07:57.000 They're so confused.

00:07:57.000 They get nervous before the thing.

00:07:59.000 And then they leave the thing and they feel so helpless.

00:08:02.000 Yep.

00:08:03.000 It's a strange, strange business.

00:08:06.000 It really is.

00:08:07.000 And it's so often not based on talent.

00:08:10.000 No.

00:08:10.000 It's so often not based on who's the best person for the job.

00:08:13.000 And that's what frustrated me as an agent.

00:08:15.000 And also, one of the reasons I left, I had a deal that I put together.

00:08:19.000 Eddie was actually involved in it.

00:08:20.000 And my boss made me attach a showrunner who nobody wanted, but he needed to please that client.

00:08:26.000 And it killed the show.

00:08:27.000 And it killed these guys' opportunity.

00:08:29.000 That happens all the time.

00:08:30.000 It happens all the time.

00:08:31.000 That happened to us when I took over the Man Show.

00:08:33.000 There was a showrunner that... 0.98

00:08:35.000 There's this weird, incestuous sort of fucking business in Hollywood of connecting people. 0.98

00:08:41.000 It's almost more about being social than it is about anything else. 0.98

00:08:46.000 It's about making these relationships almost like politics. 0.99

00:08:48.000 You become beholden to these people and you get them jobs and they get you jobs and you all just feed off of each other and you all suck. 0.99

00:08:56.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:08:57.000 It really happens a lot.

00:08:58.000 It happens a lot with comedy writers.

00:09:01.000 There's a lot of comedy writers that are just, you know, they might have even been on Seinfeld or something, like a great show. 0.98

00:09:08.000 And there's a few brilliant writers, and there's a few that are like, what in the fuck is this guy doing here?

00:09:13.000 Well, his agent is this guy's agent, and that guy's agent forced this guy in. 0.91

00:09:17.000 If you get that guy, you get this guy too, and they make these deals.

00:09:20.000 Exactly.

00:09:21.000 And that's what was so frustrating for me is I'd have these really talented people and I couldn't get them jobs.

00:09:26.000 Why did they put you on Prozac at 10?

00:09:28.000 Were you an only child?

00:09:30.000 No, no, no.

00:09:30.000 I was the oldest.

00:09:31.000 You're the oldest.

00:09:31.000 How many kids?

00:09:32.000 Just two.

00:09:33.000 And I think, you know, my parents loved me a lot and they just were doing the best they could and they were listening to doctors.

00:09:40.000 You know, it was a time when if a doctor tells you something, you listen.

00:09:44.000 What was bumming you out?

00:09:45.000 Like, what was it the point where they were willing to put you on medication?

00:09:49.000 Well, I think I went from when I was little, I was really outgoing and talkative and happy.

00:09:56.000 And then when the teasing and bullying started to happen, I completely just shut down.

00:10:03.000 Was it a particular group of people that did it to you?

00:10:05.000 Or one girl? 1.00

00:10:06.000 Where is that bitch? 1.00

00:10:07.000 Well, she's the one I wanted to mention when I won my Oscar. 1.00

00:10:10.000 That was the whole thing.

00:10:11.000 Oh, you wanted to get up there and say that in a speech?

00:10:13.000 I wanted to get up there and say, this is for you!

00:10:15.000 No, that's fine.

00:10:16.000 Eventually I got over that.

00:10:17.000 But I just, I really just shut down and withdrew and...

00:10:21.000 So it was just like, did you move to a different school or was it just one particular kid?

00:10:25.000 They wanted me.

00:10:26.000 My parents were like, go to a different school, honey.

00:10:28.000 And I just wouldn't.

00:10:29.000 I was stubborn and I wanted to stay and I think I was just scared.

00:10:32.000 You know, that's the thing, like...

00:10:35.000 Oftentimes what we know that's bad is safer, feels safer than what we don't know that might be better.

00:10:42.000 I had a comfort zone in where I was.

00:10:44.000 Even though I wasn't really happy, I knew that school.

00:10:47.000 I was afraid that if I went to new school, I would just have to deal with the same thing.

00:10:51.000 So I was just like, I'll stay where I am.

00:10:53.000 Isn't it crazy that you could run into the wrong person when you're 10 years old and it could fuck you up for a decade or two?

00:11:00.000 Yeah. 0.58

00:11:01.000 But I think we, I mean, I don't know any human who hasn't had something in childhood or adulthood or whatever that is we can call bad.

00:11:10.000 Jamie, look at him.

00:11:11.000 It's perfect.

00:11:12.000 Nothing's ever went wrong.

00:11:13.000 Nothing's ever gone wrong with you.

00:11:14.000 Just wait.

00:11:14.000 It's coming.

00:11:14.000 Kids, smooth and calm.

00:11:17.000 Young Jamie's collected.

00:11:19.000 Yeah, no, everybody's had difficulties.

00:11:22.000 It's unavoidable.

00:11:23.000 But the bullying thing is very strange how prevalent it is and how it seems to be a part of human nature.

00:11:30.000 That people have some strange desire to find someone who's weak or who's insecure or who is... 0.99

00:11:38.000 And then literally go after them and put yourself in front of them and fuck with them and ruin their life. 1.00

00:11:43.000 There she is. 1.00

00:11:44.000 Let's go get her. 1.00

00:11:45.000 That kind of shit is... 1.00

00:11:46.000 It's a weird, natural pattern. 1.00

00:11:49.000 That human beings follow.

00:11:50.000 And I've always wondered like, we need to talk to Gad Saad about this, like what is the evolutionary basis for that?

00:11:56.000 Like what is it about people that makes them want to do that, especially young people?

00:12:02.000 You know, and I think it's different with the way girls do it and the way boys do it. 0.95

00:12:06.000 How do girls do it? 1.00

00:12:07.000 Girls, it's a little more sneaky. 0.98

00:12:08.000 And I think a lot of times it's based more on jealousy.

00:12:11.000 And that might have like, I don't know, that might have some...

00:12:14.000 Was this girl unattractive? 1.00

00:12:15.000 No, I think that I was smart.

00:12:19.000 School came easy for me.

00:12:20.000 The teachers really liked me.

00:12:21.000 Parents liked me.

00:12:22.000 And so I think that that might have had something to do with it.

00:12:25.000 And again, I don't know.

00:12:26.000 You know, I was 10. Like, I have no idea why they did what they did.

00:12:29.000 But it was more...

00:12:30.000 Sneaky, like, passing around notes saying, I joined the I Hate Christine Club and, like, having everyone sign it.

00:12:36.000 And just kind of quietly doing it behind my back and pulling all my friends away, where I think boys are just more aggressive.

00:12:44.000 Like, they'll beat you up, they'll put you in lockers, they'll do that kind of thing.

00:12:48.000 But I think it's just a power thing, and, you know, within every bully is a scared little boy or a little girl.

00:12:55.000 So it's just, I think, how we're always...

00:12:58.000 Not always, but so much of the time we're trying to compensate for something, you know, where we feel less than, where we feel insecure.

00:13:03.000 We think if we can just have power over something or somebody else, that's going to make us feel better.

00:13:08.000 There's also a thing that happens when, like, the I Hate Christine Club thing, where the other girls are probably like, I don't want to be on the end of that, so I'm going to join in.

00:13:17.000 You get scared that they're gonna go after you next and you want to be on the mean team.

00:13:22.000 I think that's what's going on with Donald Trump.

00:13:24.000 I really do.

00:13:25.000 I think that's a lot of the reason why people are with him and for him.

00:13:29.000 He's so vindictive and mean and the way he goes after people.

00:13:34.000 I think you see a lot of people support him and sort of like cower to him.

00:13:39.000 Like, even that Megyn Kelly chick, who's a super brassy, badass ice princess, she did that interview with him after they had their little thing, when she sat down with him, and she was so, like, submissive.

00:13:52.000 It was weird.

00:13:53.000 I mean, maybe she was trying to keep her job, maybe Fox News were out of the riot act.

00:13:57.000 I don't know.

00:13:57.000 But it was really bizarre to watch her tone down.

00:14:01.000 Did you ever see it?

00:14:02.000 I didn't see the follow-up interview.

00:14:03.000 She didn't call him out on anything.

00:14:05.000 She just backed off.

00:14:06.000 Not really.

00:14:06.000 No.

00:14:07.000 She was really submissive.

00:14:09.000 It was not what I expected.

00:14:11.000 It was very orchestrated.

00:14:12.000 I mean, I think it was kind of obvious at that point.

00:14:15.000 I don't know if he was the nominee or he was on his way.

00:14:18.000 It looked like all the other nominees were falling apart.

00:14:20.000 And she did this interview where her and him sat in some office room, like sat across from a table.

00:14:28.000 It was like, people are scared.

00:14:31.000 People are scared of, you know, the strong man or the strong woman, you know, the person who's going to go after you.

00:14:37.000 Or the unpredictable.

00:14:39.000 Like, I think Donald is so unpredictable, you never know what he's going to throw at you.

00:14:42.000 And he will go to whatever lengths he needs to go to to humiliate, to make you feel less than, to throw you off your game.

00:14:50.000 You know, so she probably was just like, I better just...

00:14:54.000 Well, he just, he sues so many people and so many people sue him.

00:14:57.000 He's, that's his world.

00:14:58.000 You know, that's, that's like a normal thing for him.

00:15:00.000 If he doesn't have a bunch of lawsuits floating around the world, he probably feels like nothing's even happening today.

00:15:06.000 You know, I gotta get something going.

00:15:07.000 I gotta sue somebody.

00:15:08.000 It's just crazy.

00:15:09.000 But I think that that, that is one of the reasons why people like are attracted to him because they don't want to be on his bad side.

00:15:16.000 I think people are terrified of him, you know, super billionaire, very famous, big, powerful guy. 0.66

00:15:21.000 I think there's a bunch of people that, like with this I Hate Christine club, if there was this one mean bitch that just wanted to go after you, there's probably a bunch of people that would want to side with her just because they're scared that she's going to turn on them and start going after them next. 1.00

00:15:39.000 I think that's probably right. 0.97

00:15:40.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:15:41.000 It's a tribal thing.

00:15:44.000 It becomes this weird, like, that's our leader now. 0.99

00:15:47.000 A lot of leaders are the most vicious, mean, nasty, terrifying people. 0.94

00:15:53.000 You know, look at the dictators in Russia, or Putin, or Kim Jong-un, or what are they known for? 0.97

00:15:58.000 The dictators in a lot of these Middle Eastern countries. 1.00

00:16:02.000 They're fucking ruthless, ruthless people. 0.99

00:16:04.000 And everyone's scared of them, so they all go behind them, you know? 1.00

00:16:06.000 Yep.

00:16:07.000 Better to be behind them than go up against them.

00:16:09.000 To feel the wrath.

00:16:10.000 Yep.

00:16:11.000 Yeah.

00:16:11.000 I think fear is a big motivator, unfortunately.

00:16:14.000 Yes.

00:16:15.000 And it, I think, impacts our ability to really think clearly about something because we're just so scared and so threatened that we stop questioning.

00:16:26.000 Wait a second.

00:16:26.000 Like, what is he really saying?

00:16:27.000 What is he really leading me?

00:16:28.000 Yeah.

00:16:29.000 Yeah.

00:16:49.000 There's never been a man alive that needs mushrooms more than Donald Trump.

00:16:52.000 If there is, I haven't heard of him.

00:16:54.000 I mean, I'm sure there probably has been, but he needs them.

00:16:58.000 I think he needs to go straight to the Amazon.

00:17:00.000 Yeah, he might need to go right there.

00:17:02.000 But he needs something.

00:17:03.000 It's just, he's almost like this super impulsive hubris character.

00:17:09.000 You know, everything is like when Hillary Clinton says, you know, he doesn't pay taxes, it's because I'm smart. 0.99

00:17:15.000 Like, you can't help, like, you're on a fucking debate on TV. You said you're smart because you don't pay taxes. 0.99

00:17:21.000 Right.

00:17:22.000 But it really reflects, I mean, it's not just him.

00:17:24.000 It really reflects where we are as a society that enough people support him to get him to the place that he is.

00:17:32.000 I think we're so polarized right now.

00:17:34.000 And look, I don't really love either candidate, to be honest.

00:17:37.000 I just don't.

00:17:38.000 But I think that, I hope that, maybe this is just wishful thinking, that we'll have four years of whoever it is.

00:17:44.000 I think it'll be Hillary.

00:17:45.000 And then in the next election, we'll have people run that we're actually excited about supporting and voting for.

00:17:52.000 Maybe, but I don't see those people anywhere to be found.

00:17:56.000 No one wants the job.

00:17:56.000 Exactly.

00:17:56.000 No one wants the job.

00:17:57.000 That's the problem.

00:17:58.000 It's a crazy job.

00:17:59.000 And it's a job where they try to destroy you if you run for it.

00:18:03.000 And you're seeing that with Trump, and you're seeing that with Hillary, and they're pulling out all the stops.

00:18:09.000 And by the time it's over, the opinion of the commander-in-chief It's going to be terrible, no matter who wins.

00:18:16.000 I mean, that Crooked Hillary thing is going to stick forever. 1.00

00:18:21.000 Hashtag Crooked Hillary. 0.99

00:18:22.000 It's going to stick forever.

00:18:23.000 And people's opinion of him is horrible.

00:18:27.000 No matter who wins, and she's going to win, most likely.

00:18:30.000 It's not good.

00:18:31.000 It's not good for any of us.

00:18:33.000 Nope.

00:18:34.000 It doesn't represent what we think of the United States as.

00:18:36.000 We think of the United States as being this unbelievable place of creativity and innovation and the greatest superpower the world's ever known and this This really progressive force for good in the world.

00:18:50.000 I don't know.

00:18:52.000 Maybe we need to go through this time, though, to shake it up a little bit.

00:18:56.000 Maybe things need to get bad to get better.

00:18:59.000 I see that in human psychology so much.

00:19:01.000 You need to hit rock bottom.

00:19:02.000 You need to go through these hard times to have something better emerge.

00:19:07.000 But maybe that's just wishful thinking.

00:19:08.000 I don't know.

00:19:09.000 I think you're probably right.

00:19:10.000 I think we also needed to understand, because of the WikiLeaks revelations, how exactly politics is run, even with the people we think that are the good folks. 0.99

00:19:20.000 It's all fucking gross and dirty. 0.95

00:19:22.000 And all the stuff with the Clinton Foundation and all the stuff they did to Bernie Sanders and They conspired to keep that guy out. 0.99

00:19:28.000 I mean, he's a Democrat, too.

00:19:30.000 The whole thing was supposed to be about who is the person that best represents the people, what the people choose. 0.95

00:19:37.000 But no, the Democratic National Committee was fucking working to make sure that Bernie Sanders wasn't the guy. 0.96

00:19:45.000 And they were all conspiring with Hillary, and they're all pulling favors. 0.97

00:19:49.000 It's just like we were talking about before with producers and...

00:19:52.000 Networks. 1.00

00:19:53.000 It's the same shit. 1.00

00:19:54.000 It's just using your power and your influence and all the friends that you've made and all the years and all the favors and pulling it together. 1.00

00:20:00.000 But now we're being exposed to it in a way that we haven't really since Watergate.

00:20:06.000 Watergate gave us a little window, a tiny little window.

00:20:09.000 But the access to information was so minuscule back then.

00:20:12.000 We clung to those 15 minutes of whatever Watergate tapes, whatever it was, and we were like, look at this!

00:20:20.000 I'm not a crook!

00:20:22.000 He was doing what they were all doing.

00:20:25.000 He just got caught.

00:20:26.000 And we got a sense of it now. 0.97

00:20:27.000 But now, when you read these emails about how they really feel about each other and all the fucking grossness that goes on... 0.96

00:20:35.000 I don't know. 0.94

00:20:35.000 I try to not engage too much in the grossness because it's just like, what's the point? 0.94

00:20:40.000 I guess the point is to understand what the world really is about, what the structure of the government that looms over us is really all about.

00:20:51.000 Why are certain things legal?

00:20:53.000 Why are certain things illegal?

00:20:55.000 Why are certain loopholes in place?

00:20:56.000 How did they get in place?

00:20:58.000 Who benefits from them?

00:20:59.000 What is a charity?

00:21:00.000 And if it is a charity, how come you get paid so much?

00:21:03.000 How come you get paid $250,000 to speak, and then all this money goes to your charity, but that $250,000 goes to you?

00:21:11.000 You just talked for an hour.

00:21:13.000 This is a scam.

00:21:14.000 But that's the thing.

00:21:15.000 You're being curious.

00:21:17.000 You're asking questions, and I think that's helpful.

00:21:20.000 I think what so many people are doing are just getting mad and just trash-talking America and the candidates, and that doesn't do any good for anybody.

00:21:29.000 If you want to ask questions and get involved and start to get curious, that's awesome.

00:21:35.000 That's how we change things.

00:21:36.000 But I think too much of this has just been so emotionally driven that people are just getting upset and not really going, huh, what can I do?

00:21:43.000 What can I learn?

00:21:44.000 How can I shift this in some way?

00:21:46.000 Yeah.

00:21:47.000 It's also people who are super psyched to get behind their candidate, their team.

00:21:53.000 I gotta tell you, there's a lot of grossness on both sides, for sure.

00:21:58.000 There's a lot of grossness on the Trump side. 1.00

00:22:00.000 There's a lot of mean assholes that have finally found another mean asshole that's running for president, and they're pumped like he's one of them. 1.00

00:22:07.000 But then there's a lot of men who are using hashtag I'm with her They're the grossest little fucking white knights. 1.00

00:22:14.000 Oh my god, I've run across a few of them on Twitter. 1.00

00:22:18.000 What's a white knight?

00:22:19.000 You don't know what a white knight is?

00:22:21.000 How dare you?

00:22:22.000 You really don't know?

00:22:22.000 Like a knight in shining armor?

00:22:23.000 Yes, a man who comes along and positions himself as the superior, morally superior, what Michael Shermer calls virtue signaling.

00:22:35.000 Someone who would say, you know, hashtag I'm with her, hashtag male feminist. 1.00

00:22:39.000 Ew, male feminist? 0.95

00:22:40.000 Yeah, that's real.

00:22:41.000 Oh, no.

00:22:42.000 Yeah, there's a lot of those out there.

00:22:44.000 Yeah, they're trying hard.

00:22:46.000 They couldn't get laid any other way, and this is the strategy.

00:22:49.000 This is the way.

00:22:50.000 The strategy is to position themselves as the super progressive.

00:22:53.000 Oh, God.

00:22:54.000 Yeah, it's like people who don't want you to think that they're a racist, so they go out of their way to discriminate against white people, other white people, when they're white.

00:23:03.000 I read this thing where this woman was saying, if you are a white person, and you are up for a job, and you are up against a person of color, do, period, not, period, take that job.

00:23:13.000 You don't deserve it. 0.97

00:23:15.000 Examine white privilege. 0.99

00:23:17.000 I was like, oh my god, what liberal arts college do you belong to? 1.00

00:23:21.000 What fucking crazy shit is in your head? 1.00

00:23:24.000 Like, what? 1.00

00:23:25.000 I don't get it at all.

00:23:27.000 Do, period.

00:23:28.000 Not, period.

00:23:28.000 Take that job.

00:23:30.000 Yeah.

00:23:32.000 Well, you don't have to get it.

00:23:34.000 We went on a tangent.

00:23:36.000 We went off.

00:23:36.000 We were trying to find out how you become a life coach and all of a sudden we're talking politics and white knights.

00:23:42.000 I love it.

00:23:43.000 I love tangents. 1.00

00:23:44.000 Fuckers. 1.00

00:23:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:44.000 Now I know. 1.00

00:23:45.000 A whole new understanding of white knights.

00:23:48.000 I always understood it as, you know, the man who's going to come in and rescue me.

00:23:51.000 That's that.

00:23:52.000 But they're positioning themselves as that.

00:23:53.000 But that, you know.

00:23:54.000 I think we're a couple decades away from all this going away.

00:23:57.000 Because I think technology is going- Like public government going away?

00:24:01.000 Or what? 0.99

00:24:01.000 All bullshit. 0.99

00:24:02.000 All bullshit and lies. 1.00

00:24:04.000 I hope so. 1.00

00:24:05.000 I really believe this.

00:24:06.000 I think technology is going to enable, just like no one anticipated, you know, if you can go back to the first days of cameras, if you went back to the 1800s and they first had a camera, no one would have ever thought that in the lifespan of just,

00:24:22.000 I mean, what was the first camera, Jamie?

00:24:23.000 Like 1860?

00:24:24.000 Something like that?

00:24:25.000 Like Civil War era was like the first cameras?

00:24:30.000 No one would have ever thought that in two lifespans, which is essentially what it is from then to now, you would be able to send video to Australia instantaneously from something that slips into your pocket.

00:24:42.000 It's pretty mind-blowing when you stop to think about how much we've seen in our lifetime.

00:24:47.000 Yeah, I think we're just so used to it.

00:24:48.000 We're so used to Google and the internet.

00:24:51.000 When Hillary Clinton was telling, like, Donald Trump said something, and she's like, Google it.

00:24:56.000 Google what he said.

00:24:57.000 It's not true.

00:24:58.000 And I was like, how hilarious is that?

00:25:00.000 Hillary Clinton is telling people to Google Donald Trump.

00:25:03.000 Like, that's how beautiful access to information is today.

00:25:08.000 I think we are a couple decades, maybe a little bit more, away from a completely new paradigm, a completely new way of accessing information.

00:25:19.000 I think we're going to submit to something, whether it's a neural implant or some sort of augmented reality, and we're going to be able to read intention and thoughts.

00:25:30.000 There's not going to be any lying in a hundred years.

00:25:32.000 I really believe that.

00:25:33.000 I totally think you're right, and I think that's why we're seeing so many of these systems break down.

00:25:37.000 Yes.

00:25:37.000 Like the presidential election, which used to be this coveted, amazing thing.

00:25:42.000 Now we're kind of looking at it as like it's a reality TV show, is what it seems like now. 1.00

00:25:46.000 It's all pussy grabbing. 1.00

00:25:48.000 Craziness. 0.99

00:25:48.000 I mean, I just couldn't believe that in the first 20 minutes of the second debate, I had been out of the country for a month, which was so refreshing, and to come back and I watched it, and the first 20 minutes was just character slams. 0.99

00:26:04.000 It was nothing about the issues or anything, and I was just like, what's happening? 0.96

00:26:09.000 That doesn't make me happy like it doesn't make me feel like if he shits on her she shits on him and she she tears him down it doesn't make me feel like she's better I liked her in one of the debates because I didn't tune into it until the last like hour and he was saying a bunch of crazy shit and she would start laughing I was like that's how she should handle him yeah she should handle him like he's a child yeah like if she did that but she's fucking crazy too so another tangent Lots 0.99

00:26:40.000 of tangents. 0.99

00:26:41.000 Life coaching.

00:26:41.000 Oh yeah, back to that.

00:26:43.000 How do you get from...

00:26:44.000 All right, so where was I? People right now are mad at both of us, by the way.

00:26:48.000 I'm sorry, people. 0.98

00:26:48.000 You don't know shit about politics. 0.98

00:26:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:26:50.000 How about you just shut the fuck up? 1.00

00:26:52.000 I will totally own that. 0.99

00:26:53.000 That's not my area of expertise.

00:26:55.000 Guess what? 0.97

00:26:55.000 Nobody knows shit about politics. 0.97

00:26:57.000 Even the people doing it. 1.00

00:26:58.000 That's why Donald Trump's running for fucking president. 1.00

00:27:00.000 Nobody saw that coming. 1.00

00:27:01.000 Nobody understands this stupid system. 1.00

00:27:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:05.000 But you understand life coaching.

00:27:07.000 Yes.

00:27:08.000 We're going to come up with a better name in the next hour.

00:27:09.000 A better name for life coaching, yes.

00:27:11.000 So the way it happened is, all right, so I quit my job, which threw me into an even worse depression because that was my whole identity.

00:27:20.000 It was my success in being an agent.

00:27:22.000 And so then in a period of, I don't know, like six to eight months, a bunch of things happened.

00:27:26.000 I went into lots of debt because I tried to keep up with this lifestyle.

00:27:29.000 I was estranged from my family for a bit because I made a choice that they didn't really like.

00:27:35.000 And I got diagnosed with another autoimmune disorder on top of everything else.

00:27:40.000 And then I was engaged and thought, oh, I'm going to be a wife.

00:27:43.000 Like, that's my next role.

00:27:44.000 I'll be fine.

00:27:45.000 And then six months before my wedding, he dumped me cold turkey.

00:27:49.000 So in that, you know, I know people listening have been through worse, but in that, like, span at 26 years old, losing my career and money and family and health and love, it was kind of like, this sucks.

00:28:02.000 I really didn't know what to do.

00:28:04.000 And I had...

00:28:05.000 Honestly, a moment on my bathroom floor, which I don't know why I was on my bathroom floor, it was disgusting, but I was just laying there.

00:28:11.000 It's a good spot to cry.

00:28:12.000 The tiles are nice and cold, you know?

00:28:14.000 It feels very dramatic.

00:28:16.000 And I had this, like...

00:28:21.000 Kind of insight, I guess you could say, of how much I was relating to everything as a total victim, as like everything was happening to me.

00:28:30.000 And then it dawned on me, I'm the common denominator in like all of these situations.

00:28:36.000 So either I have just really bad luck or I have some influence over this.

00:28:42.000 And, again, like, it was just a teeny bit of an insight, but it was enough of a new perspective on my life that kind of got me off the bathroom floor and started to give me some kind of hope and started to make me realize I needed help and, like,

00:28:57.000 the way I was doing my life wasn't going to work anymore.

00:29:00.000 And so I found—I thought I was having a quarter-life crisis.

00:29:04.000 Yeah.

00:29:05.000 And I found a book by that name and I read it and it was fine, but it wasn't going deep enough for me.

00:29:10.000 So I decided to write a book about like my experience and everything I was learning and how I like was getting myself off my bathroom floor, I guess.

00:29:19.000 And I was interviewing people for the book and they kept saying things to me like, can I set up a session with you?

00:29:26.000 And I'd say, why?

00:29:27.000 I got all the information.

00:29:28.000 And they said, well, aren't you a coach or a counselor or something?

00:29:30.000 And I'd say, no.

00:29:31.000 And they said, you should be.

00:29:32.000 You should be.

00:29:33.000 You should be.

00:29:34.000 And I kept hearing this over and over and over again.

00:29:36.000 So I went to my coach and kind of my first teacher, who I met when I was 22, and I was still seen.

00:29:41.000 And she had a major impact on my life.

00:29:43.000 And I said, Mona, you know, everybody's telling me I should do this.

00:29:46.000 And I've been looking for my career for, you know, years.

00:29:48.000 And maybe this is what I'm supposed to do.

00:29:50.000 She's like, yeah.

00:29:51.000 Yep, that's what you're supposed to do.

00:29:52.000 And I go, I've been coming for five years.

00:29:54.000 Like, why didn't you tell me this?

00:29:56.000 And she said, you know, you had to figure it out.

00:29:58.000 You had to find it.

00:29:59.000 And so that's how it just started.

00:30:01.000 Like, people kept reflecting back to me, hey, you're good at this.

00:30:03.000 You should do this.

00:30:04.000 And I didn't really know how or what.

00:30:06.000 And so then I just became, I started studying it.

00:30:09.000 I apprenticed with her.

00:30:10.000 I got training.

00:30:11.000 I got a master's degree.

00:30:12.000 I wrote more books.

00:30:13.000 And it just sort of happened out of my own life and out of just Creating things that I thought would help people and people going, actually, this is really helping me and can I talk to you more?

00:30:23.000 And that was, you know, a good 10, 11 years ago.

00:30:26.000 If you push the mic forward a little bit more, it'll make the sound a little bit more consistent.

00:30:30.000 It sounds good in your ear.

00:30:32.000 Just the recording will be weird.

00:30:33.000 Got it.

00:30:34.000 Isn't that an interesting thing that it's oftentimes small choices that people make that dictate what happens to them in their life, but if you just decide that things are happening to you, you don't take any responsibility for any of the choices.

00:30:48.000 That's, to me, the biggest difference from people who are able to change their life and people who don't.

00:30:54.000 Is ownership.

00:30:55.000 Is realizing that, yes, things happen, but we're not victims.

00:31:00.000 And anything can happen, but the same exact thing can happen to you and I. And we can make different choices about what we make it mean and how we respond to it.

00:31:07.000 And we're going to create different results based on that.

00:31:10.000 So it's not what happens to people.

00:31:12.000 It's not just luck.

00:31:13.000 It's truly, what are you going to choose to believe about it?

00:31:17.000 And that's, to me, the key differentiator between Staying where you are and kind of regressing as you get older and just repeating your familiar patterns and more stubborn and all those things and you know just looking for those short-term bursts of happiness and like a trip or a bottle of wine or whatever versus like really getting clear about how you can change your life,

00:31:41.000 what your purpose is, what brings you joy and like who you really are.

00:31:45.000 There's a thing about life coaching, too, or any but—I mean, just forget that word—but the idea that you're dispensing advice or giving out inspiration or, you know, writing things down that have affected and helped and enhanced you, people want to dismiss that stuff.

00:32:01.000 Like, oh, I don't need that.

00:32:02.000 Oh, that's nothing.

00:32:03.000 Right. 0.97

00:32:05.000 One of the best things about being a part of a community or being a part of a culture is that you get to look at all of the things that people have done that have benefited them and all of the positive choices that someone has made and you can learn and experience those without having to go through all their bullshit.

00:32:23.000 You know, and there's a lot of things that I've learned from people, whether I've read things that they've said or listened to speeches that they've given about mistakes that they've made where I've come across a similar moment in my life.

00:32:34.000 I'm like, I know what this is.

00:32:36.000 I know what that is.

00:32:38.000 I think it's one of the best tools that we have. 0.91

00:32:43.000 When it comes to improving and enhancing your own life, your own individual experience, is looking at all the different shit that other people have done.

00:32:52.000 And it's a weird one because people dismiss it so easily.

00:32:56.000 First of all, there's a certain amount of hubris and a certain amount of ego attached to it where they don't want to admit they have an issue.

00:33:05.000 Or they don't want to admit they need help, or they don't want to admit that they need to be inspired, or they need some sort of motivation.

00:33:13.000 I think it's fear.

00:33:15.000 Back to that whole, this life that I know is comfortable, I may not like it, but I'm so scared of uncertainty that I don't want to make the changes.

00:33:27.000 People are terrified of the unknown.

00:33:29.000 There's also a lot of fuckery afoot when it comes to life coaches and motivational speakers. 0.95

00:33:35.000 And there's a lot of hosers, like we were talking about before the podcast about a couple of hosers we know. 1.00

00:33:41.000 There's hosers out there. 1.00

00:33:43.000 But it's like everything else.

00:33:46.000 There's bad car mechanics. 1.00

00:33:48.000 They'll put a used part in your car and fuck you over. 1.00

00:33:51.000 There's bad doctors. 1.00

00:33:52.000 There's bad everything.

00:33:54.000 Everything in this world has someone who's half-assing it. 0.99

00:33:57.000 And the problem with that whole, the idea of being a life coach or being a motivational speaker is that there's not really like, you don't have to get a PhD to do it.

00:34:06.000 You don't have to, you know, you don't have to like prove yourself.

00:34:09.000 Like Mike has opened up 15 different businesses, so he's going to show you how to do a business.

00:34:13.000 Like this guy's a successful businessman.

00:34:15.000 That makes sense. 1.00

00:34:16.000 But there's a lot of people out there that are doing life coaching that are fucking failures. 0.99

00:34:20.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:34:21.000 And maybe that's not the worst thing in the world to be a failure because you've learned from those failures and maybe your achievement or your contribution is expressing those failures and your revelations from those failures and that could help somebody else not make those same mistakes.

00:34:36.000 Yeah, I mean I think I've had a lot of so-called failures and mistakes.

00:34:39.000 Me too.

00:34:40.000 Did you ever have one of those like bathroom floor moments, those like life pivots?

00:34:44.000 I'm a man, first of all.

00:34:46.000 I don't cry like a chick on the floor.

00:34:48.000 What's the man's worth? 0.99

00:34:49.000 Yeah, I mean, all bullshit aside, yeah, there's always... 0.99

00:34:54.000 For a comic, the big one is bombing. 0.99

00:34:58.000 Like, bombing on stage is devastating.

00:35:01.000 And you start thinking, like, I can't do this.

00:35:05.000 Like, you can only take so many of those bombings in your life.

00:35:08.000 It's like getting beaten up.

00:35:09.000 You can only get beaten up so many times.

00:35:11.000 Before your brain stops working right.

00:35:15.000 There's that.

00:35:16.000 Relationship breakups for sure.

00:35:20.000 Devastations, I think, are always the best for a rebirth.

00:35:25.000 And at the time, they don't feel like it.

00:35:28.000 No.

00:35:28.000 And devastations, anything devastating that happens to you in your life, while it's happening, you feel like, I don't know if I can take this.

00:35:35.000 But then you get through it and you have this sort of enhanced perspective. 0.97

00:35:39.000 We live in an amazing time where you can see, not that you should revel in other people's failures, but most of your failure is nothing in comparison to what's going on in Syria or a million different parts of the world that are just filled with fucking chaos.

00:35:59.000 Most people can't see that because you see your life and your life is all you know and your life is falling apart.

00:36:05.000 Right.

00:36:06.000 Well, and I think, too, you know, we get so kind of narcissistic in our problems that we forget the bigger perspective.

00:36:14.000 And we don't...

00:36:16.000 A lot of people talk about being happy all the time.

00:36:19.000 And I just don't think that that's real.

00:36:21.000 I've grown through contrasts.

00:36:25.000 I think I really understand happiness and joy because I've really understood depression and sadness.

00:36:31.000 That polarity, I think, is such a big part of what we're here for.

00:36:35.000 Yeah.

00:36:35.000 I mean, you could read a book about different parts of the world and what's going on.

00:36:39.000 If you're still happy after you read that book, there's something wrong with you.

00:36:43.000 Right.

00:36:44.000 Probably shouldn't be happy all the time.

00:36:46.000 There was actually, I think it was Scientific America or something like that, that had an article recently saying you're not going to be happy all the time and you shouldn't be.

00:36:54.000 And there's a reason for it.

00:36:55.000 Exactly.

00:36:56.000 There's peaks and valleys in everything in life.

00:36:59.000 Yep.

00:36:59.000 And that, you know, for people listening that might be in one of those valleys, it's like, don't try to just get through it.

00:37:06.000 Mm-hmm.

00:37:07.000 Really ask, you know, what can I learn from this?

00:37:11.000 That was my biggest thing is I stopped asking, why is this happening to me?

00:37:16.000 And started asking, what can I learn?

00:37:19.000 Yeah.

00:37:20.000 So instead of painting yourself as a victim, you paint yourself as someone who's present in the moment and just, okay, I don't want to do this anymore.

00:37:26.000 Right.

00:37:26.000 Let's figure out what's going on.

00:37:27.000 Exactly.

00:37:28.000 And we don't, a lot of times we don't have the tools.

00:37:29.000 And that's where things like life coaching and personal development come in handy.

00:37:33.000 So we can go and get those tools instead of using our old coping mechanisms by like being strong or overing, overworking, over drinking, over, you know, jumping into a relationship, like whatever it may be.

00:37:44.000 We don't really learn how to deal with disappointment, failure, anger, shame, any of those things.

00:37:50.000 And so we're kind of left to these quick fix devices that, and I think that's a big reason addiction is such a problem, is because we don't really learn how to How to manage emotion and how to manage disappointment.

00:38:02.000 And so we go for that thing that makes us feel better in the moment.

00:38:06.000 But the problem is we have to keep upping the ante.

00:38:09.000 At first, that one glass of wine does the trick, but then you need two, then you need three, then you need vodka, then you need whatever it may be.

00:38:17.000 And so, I mean, why I'm so passionate about what I do is, first of all, I never thought I could be happy.

00:38:25.000 Like, I really didn't.

00:38:26.000 I thought that this, you know, I was going to be depressed and I just was going to constantly be looking for something to fix me.

00:38:35.000 I never really truly thought this life that I'm living now was possible.

00:38:41.000 Again, externally things look fine, but internally I'm talking about a totally different kind of experience.

00:38:46.000 And it's only because of those really awful moments, I call them expectation hangovers, that I was kind of desperate enough to let go of my normal coping mechanisms and my trying to control everything.

00:39:00.000 It was like the ultimate in surrender, truly, of going, okay, I don't know.

00:39:05.000 I need to find a different way to deal with this.

00:39:08.000 And that's really what has led me down the path that I am today.

00:39:12.000 So, you know, I think that life coaching and the personal transformation industry and all that, like you said, there's a lot of, what do you call them?

00:39:21.000 Hokies? 1.00

00:39:23.000 Something?

00:39:24.000 Hosers. 1.00

00:39:25.000 Hosers. 1.00

00:39:25.000 Like Bob and Doug McKenzie. 1.00

00:39:27.000 I don't even know who that is. 0.99

00:39:28.000 They're a fucking 1980s silent live character. 0.99

00:39:32.000 Oh, jeez. 1.00

00:39:32.000 They call each other Hosers. 1.00

00:39:33.000 They're from Canada.

00:39:35.000 Oh, my God.

00:39:36.000 Hey, Hosers. 1.00

00:39:37.000 Remember those guys?

00:39:38.000 I don't know why I came up with why hosers. 1.00

00:39:40.000 I'm learning all these words.

00:39:41.000 This is great.

00:39:42.000 I don't know why hoser.

00:39:43.000 This is great.

00:39:44.000 I hardly ever use that.

00:39:45.000 I don't know why it popped up.

00:39:46.000 I love it.

00:39:47.000 I want to go back to the Prozac thing.

00:39:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:39:49.000 I'm super passionate about that.

00:39:50.000 So your parents put you on that stuff when you were 10 years old.

00:39:53.000 Well, I think it was more the doctors.

00:39:54.000 Okay, your doctors.

00:39:55.000 I'm sorry.

00:39:56.000 Your doctors put you on that stuff when you were 10 years old.

00:39:58.000 Yeah, like ink block tests.

00:39:59.000 Ink block tests?

00:40:00.000 Yeah, you know.

00:40:01.000 What do you see?

00:40:01.000 A demon.

00:40:02.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:40:02.000 What do you see?

00:40:03.000 Death.

00:40:03.000 Yeah.

00:40:03.000 What do you see?

00:40:04.000 A skull.

00:40:05.000 I know.

00:40:05.000 I probably said things like a butterfly.

00:40:07.000 That bitch I hate from school with a fucking axe in her head. 1.00

00:40:12.000 So the doctor puts you on Prozac. 1.00

00:40:15.000 What kind of an effect does that have on you?

00:40:16.000 I mean, it actually helped.

00:40:17.000 I think it really helped.

00:40:19.000 I think it helped me...

00:40:23.000 Gosh, it's so hard to remember, too.

00:40:25.000 I mean, I was 10. But when I talked to my parents about it, they're like, you know, it did help.

00:40:29.000 Because I really do think that because of everything that happened, you know, my brain chemistry did shift.

00:40:34.000 You know, I do think that we can shift our brain chemistry with repetitive thoughts.

00:40:39.000 And, you know, I had enough thoughts about...

00:40:41.000 You know, I'm not likable.

00:40:43.000 I had just an intense inner critic in my head.

00:40:46.000 And I do think that shifted my brain chemistry.

00:40:48.000 And I do think that the medicine helped me at least get to a point where, you know, I was like, kind of awake again.

00:40:56.000 How long did that take?

00:40:58.000 I don't remember, but I know that, you know, especially in my 20s, like...

00:41:04.000 You were still on it?

00:41:04.000 Oh, gosh.

00:41:05.000 I was on it until 30. Yeah.

00:41:07.000 I was on every...

00:41:08.000 I was on Prozac, Wellbutrin.

00:41:12.000 For 20 years?

00:41:13.000 20 years.

00:41:14.000 From the time you were 10?

00:41:15.000 So all through high school you were on that stuff?

00:41:17.000 Yep.

00:41:18.000 Wow.

00:41:19.000 Yep.

00:41:19.000 I believed that I needed it.

00:41:22.000 Just like a diabetic would take insulin.

00:41:23.000 So how long ago did you get off of it?

00:41:26.000 Seven and a half years ago.

00:41:28.000 I never have any regression or dips, but I was super intentional about getting off of it.

00:41:38.000 I didn't just stop, especially after 20 years.

00:41:41.000 It took me a while.

00:41:43.000 It took a lot of the emotional work that I was doing with my coach, Mona, because so much of depression is suppression.

00:41:50.000 When all that stuff was happening, I think I was pretty angry about it, but I had no outlet for that, especially as a girl.

00:41:57.000 Like, boys, again, can go out and get stuff out.

00:41:59.000 But a lot of times, and this is why I think so many women get irritable and bitchy and all those kind of things, is because women, we don't have, like, that outlet for anger. 1.00

00:42:07.000 And so we internalize a lot of that.

00:42:09.000 Like, we can do sadness, but anger a lot of times gets suppressed.

00:42:14.000 And so a lot of, like, me getting off my medicine and not feeling depressed was not being suppressed.

00:42:21.000 What about exercise?

00:42:22.000 Well, see, exercise is okay, but until you go back and actually process the emotion...

00:42:27.000 I mean, exercise is good in terms of moving the energy, but a lot of times you have to attach the feeling with the movement, right?

00:42:34.000 So a lot of my retreats that I do where I just bring women, I facilitate an anger burn for them. 1.00

00:42:39.000 An anger burn?

00:42:41.000 An anger burn.

00:42:41.000 What is that?

00:42:42.000 It's like...

00:42:51.000 I think?

00:43:03.000 Again, this all comes from my own life experience and working with, gosh, thousands of people at this point.

00:43:09.000 I see over and over again people that are depressed, shut down, have a lot of anxiety, not happy with their life, have...

00:43:18.000 Some unprocessed thing from their past that just needs to move.

00:43:23.000 And when I create this space for people to start to move that energy, it's like underneath there is creativity and passion and peace and freedom from anxiety and all that kind of stuff.

00:43:36.000 So when...

00:43:39.000 You're looking at me like...

00:43:40.000 No, no, not at all.

00:43:41.000 I'm just listening.

00:43:42.000 He's looking at me like, who is this girl?

00:43:44.000 So when people have that space to unleash that and to let the energy move through them, because I think there's a difference between emotion and feeling.

00:43:54.000 So feelings to me are physiological responses to thoughts.

00:44:00.000 So if I sit here and think about the future that I'm scared about, I'm going to feel anxiety.

00:44:08.000 If I have like, oh my gosh, what if someone breaks into my house tonight?

00:44:11.000 I'm going to feel fear.

00:44:13.000 I can feel regret because of a thought or guilt.

00:44:17.000 But emotion, like energy in motion.

00:44:20.000 If someone hurts one of your kids, you're going to experience anger.

00:44:26.000 It's a natural response.

00:44:28.000 Someone close to us dies or we have a heartbreak, it's natural to feel the emotion of sadness.

00:44:33.000 And I think that there's a lot of kind of misleading information about like, oh, we create all our feelings with our thoughts and we can just like affirm our way out of things and think our way out of things.

00:44:44.000 And to some degree, that's true.

00:44:46.000 Changing our thinking does a lot.

00:44:48.000 But with some core emotions like anger, shame, sadness, I think we've got to feel them.

00:44:53.000 And I think that that's what people are really scared of is actually kind of opening that box, opening that can of worms and going back and actually feeling those feelings.

00:45:02.000 But the thing is, they're in there.

00:45:03.000 And so if you don't get them up and out in a healthy way, then...

00:45:07.000 I think that's what creates a lot of suppression, a lot of depression, perhaps maybe even disease, things like that, because they just get stored in our body somewhere.

00:45:13.000 Make sense?

00:45:14.000 Yeah.

00:45:16.000 So what do you do to these gals? 1.00

00:45:20.000 What do I do to these gals? 1.00

00:45:24.000 It's just creating the space.

00:45:26.000 Do they just scream?

00:45:27.000 Pillow fight?

00:45:27.000 What do they do?

00:45:28.000 No, it's not a pillow fight.

00:45:30.000 Give them a punching bag? 0.60

00:45:30.000 No, it's not that. 0.60

00:45:31.000 I definitely give them something to hit with, like those foam noodles.

00:45:36.000 You give them foam noodles?

00:45:38.000 I do.

00:45:40.000 Oh gosh, the comments to this are going to be crazy.

00:45:42.000 I can't believe this, but here we go.

00:45:44.000 So I... And I put on some pretty intense music.

00:45:50.000 Like Slayer?

00:45:51.000 I don't even know.

00:45:52.000 Not Slayer.

00:45:52.000 You don't even know?

00:45:53.000 Not Slayer.

00:45:54.000 Not Slayer.

00:45:55.000 Not that intense?

00:45:56.000 Metallica?

00:45:57.000 It's more like...

00:45:58.000 Enter Sandman?

00:45:59.000 Really?

00:46:00.000 Yeah, Metallica's on my playlist.

00:46:01.000 I can pull up my playlist later if you really want to see it. 0.93

00:46:05.000 You have a beat the shit out of a foam roller playlist? 0.95

00:46:08.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:46:08.000 Oh, for sure. 0.99

00:46:09.000 Yeah.

00:46:09.000 Okay.

00:46:10.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:46:10.000 It's called my anger burn playlist.

00:46:11.000 Your anger burn playlist.

00:46:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:14.000 Well, I'm telling you.

00:46:15.000 Actually, so one time I was doing this.

00:46:17.000 I rented a house actually out near here, Agora.

00:46:21.000 And people were doing this process.

00:46:23.000 And again, like, I prepped them.

00:46:25.000 Like, you know, I... They bring to mind things that they've maybe, like I said, were angry about, things from their childhood.

00:46:33.000 It's not just like I throw them in a room with loud music and say, go after it.

00:46:37.000 There's a lot of processes I put them through to get them to this point.

00:46:40.000 But anyway, so we're doing this one time in this house, and there's like 20 women, loud music, yelling, and the cops show up.

00:46:53.000 And the guy's like, what's going on here?

00:46:58.000 And I step out.

00:46:59.000 I step out and I explain.

00:47:01.000 I said, you know, a lot of times this is a women's, you know, workshop.

00:47:04.000 And a lot of times, you know, we hold back our emotions and, you know, we end up getting irritable.

00:47:09.000 And this is just a healthy way for, you know, people to heal and work on their emotions.

00:47:13.000 And the cop looks at me and he's like, can I have your card I want to send my wife?

00:47:18.000 No kidding.

00:47:19.000 That's what the cop said to me.

00:47:21.000 So there's, I've gotten lots of calls from husbands and boyfriends and even kids and like, thank you.

00:47:27.000 Because there's something about, it's like pulling off our armor.

00:47:33.000 Honestly.

00:47:33.000 And there's something about doing like the deeper work and kind of going to those scary places that takes a layer off of us.

00:47:43.000 I think, I mean, it's, it's similar to plant medicine in a lot of ways of like going to those places where, that are kind of like, where you come out the other side and you have a deeper understanding of, of yourself.

00:47:57.000 Um, So by doing something completely ridiculous and crazy and just letting loose and all the madness involved with it, it's almost like a reset for you.

00:48:07.000 Yeah, and it's not, again, like, it's facilitated. 0.59

00:48:10.000 It's not this crazy, you know, people going, you know, screaming.

00:48:14.000 It's not Fight Club.

00:48:15.000 It's not, because there's a difference between catharsis and, like, actual processing stuff.

00:48:20.000 But it's just, and again, I think we don't really understand emotion to a certain level, and we think that big emotion is crazy.

00:48:32.000 And it's not necessarily.

00:48:35.000 I think what is crazy is What makes people crazy is suppressing it their whole life and trying to manage it through their mind or through doing things or through whatever else versus actually like being willing to look at those parts of ourself.

00:48:51.000 Because we're, you know, we're humans.

00:48:52.000 We have a mind.

00:48:53.000 We have emotions.

00:48:54.000 We have actions.

00:48:55.000 We have, you know, our spiritual self, whatever you want to call that, like something that's connected to something bigger than us.

00:49:00.000 And I think we need a holistic approach to really change.

00:49:04.000 Now, from the time that you decided to get off of the antidepressants, did you follow a protocol?

00:49:11.000 Did you go to a doctor to discuss it with them?

00:49:13.000 Did you read anything about how to do that?

00:49:15.000 And what advice would you give to anybody out there that might be listening that also is going through that same sort of situation?

00:49:22.000 Doctors told me I couldn't do it, so I stopped going to doctors.

00:49:25.000 Ever.

00:49:26.000 Stay on it.

00:49:26.000 I'm getting paid.

00:49:27.000 Exactly.

00:49:30.000 So I had, you know, my coach at the time, who was really helpful, who's more than, again, my coach is such like a, I don't even know what to call her, she was...

00:49:38.000 How did you find her?

00:49:40.000 I was dating a guy who was an addict and complaining about him to a girlfriend at lunch for like the 80th time.

00:49:49.000 What kind of addict?

00:49:50.000 Pills?

00:49:51.000 No, drugs, like coke, alcohol, maybe pills, pills too.

00:49:55.000 Fun times?

00:49:56.000 Good times.

00:49:58.000 My Hollywood life.

00:49:59.000 Yeah, it was super great.

00:50:01.000 Yeah, I was popping Xanax while he was doing all that.

00:50:05.000 So, anyway, I've totally lost my train of thought.

00:50:10.000 How'd you find your coach?

00:50:11.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:50:11.000 How'd I find my coach?

00:50:12.000 So, we're sitting at lunch.

00:50:14.000 I'm talking about this for like the 80th time.

00:50:16.000 And she goes, I can't listen to this anymore.

00:50:18.000 I went and saw this kind of kooky woman. 1.00

00:50:20.000 Go see her. 0.73

00:50:22.000 So, and I had been like to shrinks my whole life. 0.77

00:50:25.000 And I had never been to like a coach.

00:50:27.000 I had always been to therapists and psychiatrists.

00:50:29.000 And so, nothing against therapists and psychiatrists.

00:50:31.000 They do good work.

00:50:33.000 But I had kind of like reached my limit with it.

00:50:36.000 And so I go to this woman's house and she's like totally stuck in 1985. Like her decor, her fashion, everything.

00:50:43.000 And I sit down and I sit across from her and she didn't even see me in her normal office.

00:50:48.000 I think she knew she needed to like totally get me out of my comfort zone.

00:50:51.000 So she put me in her son's bedroom with like these race car bunk beds.

00:50:55.000 And I'm sitting there on this race car bunk bed going, where am I? Like, how did I get here?

00:50:59.000 And she walks in, she sits in front of me, and it was the first time in my life, and I felt loved by my parents, but this was the first time in my life I felt really seen.

00:51:09.000 Like, it was almost uncomfortable.

00:51:11.000 Like, this woman could almost see through me. 0.98

00:51:13.000 She could see me.

00:51:14.000 She could really see me.

00:51:14.000 And I felt zero judgment from her.

00:51:17.000 Like, zero.

00:51:19.000 And although it was scary a little bit because I felt very vulnerable, there was something so reassuring about it because she was the first practitioner I had seen that didn't see me as broken.

00:51:33.000 She really just saw me.

00:51:36.000 And she was the one that in so many ways helped me over the years get off the medication by teaching me how to release my emotions, by helping me understand that bad feelings aren't necessarily bad.

00:51:48.000 I also got very clear about my diet.

00:51:51.000 I got off gluten because a lot of times gluten can impact brain chemistry.

00:51:55.000 I stopped drinking.

00:51:56.000 I wasn't ever a big drinker, but I stopped drinking for about two years because alcohol is a depressant.

00:52:01.000 I'd always been into exercise and fitness and eating healthy and everything like that.

00:52:06.000 And then I also started meditating and finding some kind of connection to a higher power.

00:52:13.000 I didn't really have a name for it at the time, but something...

00:52:16.000 Where I didn't feel like I was so alone.

00:52:18.000 Because that was kind of one of the scary things about depression.

00:52:20.000 You feel alone a lot of the time.

00:52:22.000 And so it was a combination of all of those things that over time and the belief that I could.

00:52:28.000 I really had to change my belief that I could get off of them.

00:52:32.000 So for people that are considering it, don't just stop.

00:52:36.000 Like it's dangerous just to stop because that can really mess with your brain chemistry.

00:52:42.000 Find somebody who knows something about this and can put you on a plan, can help you.

00:52:49.000 I'm not a doctor.

00:52:51.000 I'm not here to give medical advice, so consult a doctor.

00:52:55.000 But for me, it was number one, the belief that I could, and number two, finding the people that could really support me, and number three, making the lifestyle changes that I needed to make to support it and being willing to go to that dark scary place that I was afraid to go to.

00:53:15.000 What do you mean by when you say that she was the first person who didn't see you as broken?

00:53:20.000 What do you mean by they all saw you as broken?

00:53:26.000 Well, I think when, you know, for me, when I would go to one of these doctors or therapists, I mean, they'd see that I was on medication since I was 10. And they kind of relate to me in that way.

00:53:41.000 Like dismissive?

00:53:43.000 No, just more like I had a label.

00:53:45.000 Like this is it.

00:53:45.000 You're depressed.

00:53:46.000 And so that's why they weren't willing to consider you getting off of the medication.

00:53:50.000 They felt like the medication is a part of who you are.

00:53:53.000 You got to accept it.

00:53:54.000 It's a daily thing.

00:53:55.000 It's like brushing your teeth.

00:53:56.000 You're not going to stop.

00:53:57.000 Yeah, maybe.

00:53:57.000 I mean, I don't even know what they were thinking.

00:53:59.000 I just know how I felt.

00:54:01.000 And I just did it.

00:54:03.000 And maybe it was because like at the time I didn't believe it yet either.

00:54:05.000 Maybe I needed someone who believed in it more than I Do you think that also the people that deal with people every day, whether you're a psychologist or a psychiatrist or whatever, that you're so inundated with people and their fucking problems that after a while you just become overwhelmed and it's very difficult to see people and have a fresh reset every time you see someone like,

00:54:25.000 this is a new person, her name's Christine, hey Christine, what's going on with you?

00:54:28.000 Yeah, I think you're right.

00:54:29.000 I think it's therapists, psychiatrists, they have hard jobs.

00:54:32.000 Imagine your whole day is person after person talking about what's wrong with their life.

00:54:38.000 That can be very draining.

00:54:40.000 Even when I first started as a life coach and I saw person after person after person, I really had to learn not to take that on and not to let it drain me.

00:54:50.000 So again, I have a lot of respect for...

00:54:53.000 My mom's a therapist, so I have a lot of respect for therapists and psychiatrists who are very helpful to me.

00:54:58.000 I just think for me, in my life journey and what I wanted, I just...

00:55:06.000 I didn't want to spend the rest of my life medicated.

00:55:09.000 I just really didn't.

00:55:10.000 So what is the difference between life on medication and life off medication?

00:55:15.000 And how long is the process of weaning yourself?

00:55:17.000 I mean, I think it took me...

00:55:21.000 It took me a good two years to feel like it was finally kind of out of my system.

00:55:26.000 Two years?

00:55:28.000 How long was it before you were actually stopping taking it?

00:55:33.000 Well, gosh, I can't remember exactly.

00:55:35.000 But I think I probably weaned for a good six months and then it was like a year and a half until I felt like it was like cleared out of my system.

00:55:43.000 Wow.

00:55:43.000 So for six months, you slowly weaned yourself off of it.

00:55:47.000 And then at the end of six months, you're not taking the medication anymore, but you still feel foggy?

00:55:51.000 Like, what do you feel?

00:55:52.000 Yeah, it was like my system was recalibrating.

00:55:55.000 You know, all my brain chemistry was recalibrating.

00:55:57.000 And, you know, because that stuff affects your brain chemistry.

00:56:00.000 It affected my hormones.

00:56:01.000 Like it just, you know, it affected a lot.

00:56:04.000 So did you take like one pill and then cut it down to three-quarters of a pill and then to a half a pill?

00:56:10.000 I did consult a psychiatrist and they gave me like a weaning plan.

00:56:15.000 So yeah, whatever.

00:56:16.000 Different people, like it's not a standard thing.

00:56:19.000 Like different psychiatrists will tell you different things.

00:56:21.000 So it depends on what dosage you're on, how long you've been on it, which medication you're on, what the side effects for it are, those kind of things.

00:56:28.000 What does it feel like when you're first day, no pills?

00:56:34.000 Do you remember that day?

00:56:35.000 I remember the first day I woke up and I felt clear.

00:56:39.000 Like I felt like it was like...

00:56:40.000 Like Scientology clear?

00:56:41.000 No.

00:56:42.000 No, I don't want to get kicked out of here.

00:56:46.000 No, like it was like out of me.

00:56:51.000 Right.

00:56:51.000 And I was like, oh my gosh.

00:56:53.000 Like it just felt like a fog and a heaviness had lifted.

00:56:57.000 And I also felt like...

00:57:01.000 I had deeper access to my creativity, my intuition, And all those things were present, but there was just sort of like some white noise there.

00:57:12.000 And I also like, for me, depression manifested as being incredibly self-critical, like super self-critical, like this very, very, very loud inner critic.

00:57:22.000 And so that started to lift too.

00:57:24.000 But again, I was doing all kinds of other work at the same time.

00:57:27.000 I was studying with my life coach.

00:57:29.000 I was getting a master's degree in spiritual psychology.

00:57:31.000 I was What is spiritual psychology?

00:57:33.000 Yes, good question.

00:57:35.000 So it's a place called the University of Santa Monica, and I didn't know anything about this place, but I had been a life coach, and I thought, okay, if I'm helping people with their life, I've got to know how to help them deal with their past.

00:57:47.000 Like, I can't just...

00:57:49.000 Work on present and future without like having some skills for dealing with your past.

00:57:54.000 And so I was researching schools.

00:57:55.000 I thought if I could get a master's degree in psychology that would help me and that would be good for my career and all those things to have like some credentials.

00:58:02.000 So I researched and I find this school and I didn't really know anything about it.

00:58:05.000 I'm like this is great and the spiritual part didn't have anything to do with any religion or anything like that.

00:58:10.000 It was more of the premise of you know That traditional psychology is kind of a little bit more about like labels and spiritual psychology is more people have the inner resources they need to heal.

00:58:23.000 And I didn't, again, didn't know much about it.

00:58:25.000 Show up at this school with my laptop thinking I'm going to like take notes and there's going to be lectures.

00:58:30.000 But there were no deaths.

00:58:32.000 It was a highly experiential school.

00:58:34.000 It's, like I said, a two-year program.

00:58:36.000 And in that, I really learned how to change my belief systems, heal stuff from my past, connect to a part of me.

00:58:47.000 Because we all have like our basic self, like our conscious part.

00:58:50.000 But I believe we also have something deeper.

00:58:53.000 We can call it our intuition.

00:58:55.000 We can call it our gut feeling.

00:58:56.000 We can call it our authentic self.

00:58:58.000 But there's some kind of inner wisdom that I think all of us have access to.

00:59:03.000 And this program really helped me get more access to that part of me so that I could start listening to that more than my old conditioning, my old belief systems, my old fears.

00:59:14.000 Because when we're born, we're kind of this blank slate.

00:59:18.000 And then stuff happens and we form these stories about our lives and who we are and how we get love and how we get validation and how we get acceptance and How life works and who we are and our identity.

00:59:29.000 And it's kind of just a story.

00:59:31.000 And we can change that story, but it takes work going back and deconstructing that story and letting go of some old beliefs that maybe we've hung on to to create a different one.

00:59:43.000 So that's what so much of my journey has been about is kind of looking at what's the story I've created about my life and how can I change it?

00:59:53.000 Because the story that I had was I'm depressed.

00:59:57.000 I have to be achieving all the time.

01:00:00.000 Being hard on myself is how I motivate myself, so on and so forth.

01:00:02.000 I'm constantly rejected, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:00:05.000 And by believing that story, it was creating results in my life that aligned with that.

01:00:09.000 And so to create different results, I had to have a different story to tell.

01:00:13.000 And so there's this shift that has to take place.

01:00:15.000 And it's like turning a battleship, right?

01:00:18.000 It's not a quick thing.

01:00:21.000 It takes a long time.

01:00:23.000 No, it's not.

01:00:24.000 And I think that's another kind of letdowns people have when they go to a seminar or read one book.

01:00:31.000 They expect to change overnight.

01:00:33.000 And it's a process.

01:00:35.000 Do you remember The Secret?

01:00:37.000 I do.

01:00:38.000 There was a girl, I've told this story before, but she was so nice.

01:00:41.000 She's friends with my friend Kelly.

01:00:42.000 Kelly Kirsten.

01:00:43.000 You know Kelly Kirsten?

01:00:45.000 Comedian.

01:00:46.000 Funny girl.

01:00:46.000 Anyway, she was at the Comedy Store one night, and she was talking to Kelly, and I was talking to her, and she started going on about her future, all the things that she was going to do.

01:00:59.000 She was going to be married within a year.

01:01:02.000 She was going to have the career that she wants.

01:01:04.000 She was going to do this and that and that and this.

01:01:08.000 And I was so confused.

01:01:10.000 And she was like, I found the secret.

01:01:13.000 Do you know about the secret?

01:01:15.000 I go, oh, the power of positive thinking, that kind of thing.

01:01:19.000 She's like, it's not just that.

01:01:21.000 It's not just positive thinking.

01:01:22.000 It's like you do create your own future.

01:01:24.000 You create your own identity.

01:01:27.000 You create reality.

01:01:29.000 I was like, okay.

01:01:30.000 Mm-hmm.

01:01:30.000 Like, you sure?

01:01:31.000 And she's like, yeah, I'm sure.

01:01:33.000 You know, I'm positive.

01:01:34.000 Okay, good luck.

01:01:35.000 I'm like, boy.

01:01:36.000 The problem with all that stuff, of course, if you've never heard of it, is what is the term for it that they're trying to achieve?

01:01:45.000 Law of attraction?

01:01:45.000 Law of attraction, yeah.

01:01:46.000 What they're trying to achieve is they're trying to, like, you take a photo of your dream house, you pin it on your wall, you take a photo of a Ferrari, you pin that on your wall.

01:01:55.000 You're going to get those things.

01:01:58.000 The problem is when you watch those videos, when they say, you know, I had this photo of my home on the wall.

01:02:05.000 I had the Ferrari that I wanted.

01:02:07.000 I had my dream wife.

01:02:18.000 Yeah.

01:02:39.000 Who um...

01:02:42.000 It's a very nice person.

01:02:43.000 She came to one of my shows like a year later.

01:02:46.000 And we're hanging out outside.

01:02:49.000 And I go, how's everything?

01:02:50.000 What are you doing?

01:02:51.000 She's like, well, it's really a drag.

01:02:54.000 You know, because I was convinced that by this time I would have all these things. 0.98

01:02:58.000 But, you know, my dad, he's still, you know, fuck up and this and that. 0.98

01:03:03.000 And I've got this problem, that problem. 0.99

01:03:05.000 And I just don't understand it.

01:03:06.000 I don't understand it.

01:03:07.000 I believe that I was so sure.

01:03:09.000 And we had this like...

01:03:10.000 It was really interesting because she was like two different people.

01:03:13.000 Like I'd met her twice, right?

01:03:14.000 So I meet her this one time and she's just aglow with this delusion that now she's got it.

01:03:21.000 And she thought also that talking about it all the time was part of how you affirm it.

01:03:27.000 So she was saying, you know, I'm going to be married in a year.

01:03:30.000 I'm going to do this.

01:03:31.000 I'm following the secret.

01:03:33.000 She kept saying it.

01:03:35.000 And then a year later, she was just, I don't get it.

01:03:37.000 It didn't work.

01:03:38.000 And so we had this sort of heart-to-heart about it.

01:03:40.000 I haven't talked to her again, and I don't know what the hell happened to her.

01:03:43.000 Yeah.

01:03:43.000 But I'll never forget it.

01:03:45.000 Because the two different people, the girl who was kind of crazy, like all wide-eyed and...

01:03:52.000 Believing.

01:03:53.000 And then a year later, a year and a half, I think, just wasn't happening. 0.88

01:03:57.000 And life was still kind of shitty.

01:04:00.000 And she couldn't understand why the career didn't happen and life didn't happen.

01:04:06.000 It's a slow shift.

01:04:10.000 It's a slow shift.

01:04:11.000 And I think...

01:04:13.000 The law of attraction can be misleading because it's...

01:04:16.000 You know, change takes more than I put a picture up and I do some positive affirmations.

01:04:22.000 If, like, down deep you don't feel like you're worthy or you're not going to be able to attract those things.

01:04:31.000 You've got to, like, kind of go back and deal with core issues and core belief systems in order to shift things in your life.

01:04:37.000 I mean, if it was as easy as putting pictures up on our wall...

01:04:40.000 Everybody would have, you know, Lamborghinis and hot wives and husbands. 1.00

01:04:44.000 But it takes more than that.

01:04:46.000 It takes being willing to, like, do some work and take some responsibility rather than just thinking the universe is Santa Claus and just was going to pop something into your life.

01:04:56.000 I equate it to people that are morbidly obese that want a six-pack.

01:05:00.000 Like, it can be done.

01:05:02.000 Can be done. 1.00

01:05:03.000 But goddamn. 1.00

01:05:04.000 Yep. 1.00

01:05:05.000 You got a long road.

01:05:06.000 Yep. 0.98

01:05:06.000 You know, if you want to climb Mount Everest and you're starting in Santa Monica, you got to fucking get to Mount Everest. 0.98

01:05:12.000 Absolutely. 0.97

01:05:12.000 Right? 0.97

01:05:13.000 Absolutely.

01:05:13.000 And then that's when people ask me, how did you get off antidepressants?

01:05:16.000 I'm not like, oh, I just did this and then I did this and then I did this.

01:05:19.000 It was...

01:05:20.000 It was years of like, you know, deciding I was going to and having the right people around.

01:05:26.000 It wasn't an easy thing.

01:05:28.000 It's probably the hardest thing I've done, you know?

01:05:30.000 Now, what is the difference between antidepressants and like Xanax?

01:05:33.000 Like when you're taking, you said you were taking both.

01:05:36.000 Yeah.

01:05:36.000 Why do you need the Xanax if you're already pilled up on the antidepressants?

01:05:40.000 I mean, again, not an MD, so not my territory.

01:05:43.000 But for me, like I, the antidepressants just kind of kept me steady.

01:05:50.000 My boyfriend at the time in my crazy Hollywood life, I just had so much anxiety.

01:05:55.000 And, you know, you go to a doctor and you're like, I have so much anxiety.

01:05:59.000 How do you define anxiety?

01:06:01.000 Are you worried about the future?

01:06:03.000 Worried a lot.

01:06:04.000 Worried a lot.

01:06:05.000 Kind of high-strung.

01:06:06.000 Not able to calm down.

01:06:10.000 Yeah, just that.

01:06:12.000 Just normal anxiety.

01:06:13.000 But I didn't have tools then.

01:06:15.000 My tools then were medicine.

01:06:18.000 Okay.

01:06:19.000 Now I have better tools.

01:06:21.000 So now, do you take anything?

01:06:25.000 No.

01:06:25.000 I mean supplements.

01:06:26.000 Supplements.

01:06:27.000 Yeah.

01:06:27.000 Just vitamins and stuff.

01:06:29.000 Vitamins.

01:06:29.000 Yeah, I'm super like, I love human hacking and human optimization.

01:06:34.000 I love exercising.

01:06:36.000 I love meditation.

01:06:38.000 I take AlphaBrain, like all that stuff.

01:06:41.000 And do you ever miss it? 0.99

01:06:43.000 Is there ever a time where you're like, God damn, I just want to pop a Xanax and fucking drink a glass of wine? 0.99

01:06:47.000 No. 0.99

01:06:48.000 No.

01:06:48.000 I will say this, though.

01:06:49.000 I had my eyes Lasix, you know, the Lasix, and they gave me Valium.

01:06:55.000 And I was like, whoa.

01:06:57.000 I see why people get addicted to this.

01:07:00.000 This is incredible.

01:07:01.000 But I'm glad they did, because I was super freaked out about them cutting my eyeball open.

01:07:06.000 And Valium just relaxes you, right?

01:07:07.000 Is that what it does?

01:07:08.000 It felt great.

01:07:09.000 I mean, the only time I ever did it.

01:07:10.000 But no, I don't miss that because what I have now is I feel clear and alive and I don't feel happy all the time.

01:07:21.000 I definitely have my days, but I don't relate to it as I'm depressed.

01:07:26.000 It's just like, oh, I'm having a normal human experience and not having the best day.

01:07:31.000 I think stories like this are very inspiring to people.

01:07:33.000 I think it's very important.

01:07:35.000 We don't want...

01:07:36.000 It's hard for people to look at people who aren't doing well and talk to them and just go, Oh, I don't know what to tell you.

01:07:44.000 Good luck. 1.00

01:07:44.000 Let me get the fuck away from this bitch. 1.00

01:07:46.000 That's how people think. 1.00

01:07:47.000 I don't want to deal with her problems or his problems.

01:07:50.000 I want to separate and concentrate on myself.

01:07:54.000 So I think when someone like you...

01:07:57.000 Can sort of express how you were in this really bad state.

01:08:00.000 And yours is a very bizarre situation because you're talking about being on these pills from the time you're 10. Right.

01:08:07.000 That's really unique.

01:08:10.000 But then having almost a decade off of them, seven years off of them is...

01:08:13.000 Yeah, almost eight.

01:08:15.000 Yeah, and it's...

01:08:16.000 I honestly think...

01:08:20.000 It helps me help people.

01:08:21.000 It really does.

01:08:23.000 I've had lots of training as a life coach, but my own life experiences have been the thing that's really given me the most credentials, I guess you could say.

01:08:32.000 Well, your credentials are that you're actually happy.

01:08:35.000 Yeah, I'm actually happy.

01:08:39.000 I've been able to create a life and a career and friendships and connection that, you know, I thought I no longer live that story of I hate Christine Club, I have great friends, great women friends, like all of that, you know, and that's, I'm no like different or more special than anybody.

01:08:54.000 It's just, again, choices.

01:08:56.000 And I made choices that led me to this point.

01:09:00.000 And everybody has that.

01:09:02.000 Everybody has that freedom.

01:09:04.000 What's the book?

01:09:05.000 Man's Search for Meaning.

01:09:06.000 Have you ever read that book?

01:09:07.000 No.

01:09:08.000 By Viktor Frankl.

01:09:09.000 I've heard of it.

01:09:10.000 Yeah, he was in concentration camps.

01:09:12.000 And he was actually a psychiatrist, I think.

01:09:15.000 But he talked about, you know, he kept himself sane and he kept himself free through his mind.

01:09:20.000 And he says in between stimulus and response, basically what happens and how we respond is a choice.

01:09:26.000 And in that choice lies our ultimate freedom.

01:09:29.000 And I think that that's true.

01:09:31.000 We all have that freedom.

01:09:33.000 No matter what your circumstances. 0.99

01:09:35.000 Now, when someone comes to you and they're like, Christine, I'm all fucked up. 0.99

01:09:38.000 I need to get my shit together. 0.94

01:09:40.000 How do you start with somebody? 0.98

01:09:46.000 Everybody's different, you know?

01:09:48.000 Everybody's different.

01:09:49.000 But is there anything that people universally could benefit from?

01:09:53.000 Is there...

01:09:53.000 Yeah.

01:09:54.000 Yeah.

01:09:55.000 The number one thing where I start with people is having them really look at their relationship with themselves. 0.64

01:10:03.000 Because when they come, they're like, oh, I'm fucked up or I need help. 0.98

01:10:07.000 They're relating to themselves as if something's wrong with them and they're being really hard on themselves and they've kind of lost hope and lost belief in themselves. 0.85

01:10:16.000 So the first thing is just like acceptance.

01:10:19.000 Accepting where you are.

01:10:20.000 Because I haven't liked everything that's happened to me, but one of the main ways I've been able to move through it is because I stopped fighting it.

01:10:28.000 Isn't that like in martial arts?

01:10:29.000 If a punch comes at you, you're not supposed to resist it.

01:10:31.000 You're supposed to kind of move with it.

01:10:33.000 Yeah, move away from it or roll with it.

01:10:35.000 Roll with it, right.

01:10:36.000 You don't like... 0.99

01:10:37.000 Bite your teeth and take it on the jaw. 0.99

01:10:40.000 Exactly.

01:10:40.000 And in life, we kind of do that.

01:10:42.000 We're like, oh, I don't want this breakup.

01:10:43.000 I don't want this layoff.

01:10:43.000 We resist it.

01:10:44.000 We fight it.

01:10:45.000 And so it's like, can we just get to acceptance of where you are, who you are, and what's happening right now?

01:10:51.000 And perspective, right?

01:10:52.000 And perspective, yeah.

01:10:54.000 And when you can get to that neutral place, that's when you can start doing the work.

01:10:58.000 And that's when you can start doing different things.

01:11:00.000 And then the second thing is, I ask people, do you believe you can shift?

01:11:04.000 Do you believe that you have the power to make different choices and change?

01:11:08.000 And you don't have to know how.

01:11:10.000 That's my job.

01:11:11.000 I'll help you with the how.

01:11:12.000 But you've got to believe you can.

01:11:15.000 Because if we don't believe it's possible for us, then it's really hard to make any kind of change in our life.

01:11:22.000 Yeah, that is giant.

01:11:25.000 But how does someone believe?

01:11:27.000 How do you get someone to believe that they can make change?

01:11:30.000 Do they have to see evidence in themselves?

01:11:34.000 Do you recommend attempting things or tasks or hobbies?

01:11:41.000 Right.

01:11:42.000 Well, a lot of times it's going back to a time in your life where you did take a chance or you did do something that was a stretch in some way.

01:11:50.000 Like, everybody has times in their life where they've done something they weren't completely sure they could do, even if it's just a little thing.

01:11:58.000 And everybody has that reference point they can go back to.

01:12:01.000 But a lot of this show, like, honestly, a lot of it is taking a leap of faith.

01:12:06.000 And I... I've taken a lot of those and I've wanted to know the answer and I've wanted to know like 100% that this would be guaranteed.

01:12:16.000 Like if I take this leap of faith everything will work out and they haven't always been 100% guarantees.

01:12:21.000 But it was in taking that leap and taking that chance and having a little faith that things started showing up and things started shifting and that's what started to create the evidence.

01:12:32.000 And it's a tricky thing because I think people want evidence before they make change, but you have to start making these little changes to start having the evidence show up.

01:12:42.000 I don't know if I answered your question.

01:12:44.000 No, that does make sense.

01:12:46.000 I've often said that very difficult tasks...

01:12:50.000 Like anything that's difficult that you do, it gives you the confidence that you can overcome adversity.

01:12:57.000 Whether it's a martial art thing or something along those lines or marathon running or anything, when you do something like that, these incremental changes happen where you push yourself through things, especially if you can achieve a goal.

01:13:10.000 If you could set out to do something, you achieve that goal, like, I'm going to run a marathon by the end of this year.

01:13:15.000 I don't know why I keep saying marathon, but you know what I'm saying.

01:13:17.000 Yeah.

01:13:18.000 Doing things along those lines, they can be motivating factors or they can help push you.

01:13:24.000 They can be the engine that starts to push things in a positive direction.

01:13:28.000 And you start to believe in yourself and you start to believe, oh, wow, I can do this.

01:13:32.000 I can take this step.

01:13:34.000 I often tell people that show up or come to workshop, I'm like, just that fact that you're here is proof that you believe you can change.

01:13:42.000 Because you wouldn't have shown up if some part of you wasn't kind of Certain that you could.

01:13:48.000 Have you ever had someone come to you and you're like, I can't even help this dude or girl?

01:13:52.000 Not yet, no.

01:13:53.000 Do you get mostly dudes or girls?

01:13:55.000 Well, I only coach a few people now.

01:13:58.000 My retreats are mostly women. 0.89

01:13:59.000 My private clients both.

01:14:01.000 And then like courses and stuff.

01:14:04.000 How come you have retreats that are all women and not... 1.00

01:14:07.000 Well, I know, I know.

01:14:08.000 I'm going to do one that will be both men and women soon.

01:14:12.000 That sounds like a recipe for danger, too.

01:14:14.000 A bunch of depressed people humping in the woods or wherever you're going.

01:14:16.000 Well, first of all, not everybody's depressed.

01:14:18.000 Some people come just to grow.

01:14:21.000 And we're not out in the woods.

01:14:24.000 I love that you think my retreats are out in the woods.

01:14:27.000 I'm just making it fun.

01:14:28.000 I don't know what you're doing.

01:14:29.000 Oh my god, that's amazing.

01:14:30.000 No, I like to do it in places like Bali and Costa Rica.

01:14:33.000 Oh, okay.

01:14:33.000 The jungle.

01:14:34.000 Fuck the woods. 1.00

01:14:36.000 Let's get there with the bugs and the crocodiles and shit. 1.00

01:14:38.000 Oh my gosh. 0.98

01:14:41.000 I finally, for people, this might be helpful to some people, so whenever I go to anywhere tropical, I get eaten alive.

01:14:48.000 Like, eaten alive, no matter what.

01:14:50.000 Other people have three bites, I'll have 400. I finally figured out B1, vitamin B1, just totally stopped it.

01:14:57.000 Really?

01:14:57.000 You have to find it, like, you can't take a B-complex.

01:15:01.000 It's vitamin B1. Huh.

01:15:03.000 And it, for some reason, stops the mosquitoes and bug bites.

01:15:06.000 I gotta write that down.

01:15:09.000 Why B1? I have no idea.

01:15:10.000 I just know it worked for me.

01:15:13.000 Does something to change your smell?

01:15:14.000 I don't know.

01:15:15.000 It just worked.

01:15:16.000 It was my salvation.

01:15:17.000 I was so happy.

01:15:18.000 So they don't bite you at all?

01:15:19.000 A little bit.

01:15:20.000 But again, it went from being eaten alive to just getting a few.

01:15:24.000 Did you ever try Thermacell?

01:15:26.000 No, what's that?

01:15:27.000 Thermacell is a device that a lot of people take when they go camping, things along those lines.

01:15:34.000 It looks almost like a radio, and it has these little pads, and you slide these pads into this heating element, and this very fine mist comes out of this heating element.

01:15:45.000 You can put it on the ground near you, and the bugs won't come within an 18-foot circle.

01:15:50.000 Really?

01:15:51.000 Yeah.

01:15:51.000 Use it when you're hunting and you're in the woods because if you're in the woods, especially in Alaska or Alberta, I don't know if you've ever been to Alaska in the summer.

01:16:01.000 No.

01:16:02.000 The mosquitoes are insane because they're only alive for a month.

01:16:07.000 Oh, so they just go to town.

01:16:08.000 They're like, ah!

01:16:09.000 They're like, this is it!

01:16:09.000 Like, rabid, barbarian mosquitoes.

01:16:12.000 Like, me and my friend Ari went fishing in Alaska, and it was so crazy that you would get out of the car.

01:16:17.000 We pulled up to this stream.

01:16:19.000 You get out of the car, you open the door, and then, whoomp!

01:16:23.000 You're hit with a cloud of mosquitoes.

01:16:25.000 We jumped back in the car and shut the door, and we were in the car with like 50 mosquitoes. 0.97

01:16:29.000 We were like, what in the fuck is going on? 0.90

01:16:31.000 So then we're spraying ourselves with all this spray, all these toxic chemicals. 0.99

01:16:36.000 Hell, hell.

01:16:36.000 Then I found out about thermocells.

01:16:38.000 Thermocells just, it cleans it out totally.

01:16:41.000 And they're easy to travel with?

01:16:42.000 Yeah, they're really light.

01:16:44.000 It doesn't even smell.

01:16:45.000 I mean, it barely smells.

01:16:47.000 But bugs don't want to have anything to do with it.

01:16:49.000 Mosquitoes don't want to have anything to do with it. 1.00

01:16:51.000 Without thermocels, like, hanging out in the woods, like, sitting in a spot, it's almost unbearable, unless you have mosquito netting, and you don't want to wear, like, all that mosquito bug spray stuff.

01:17:02.000 Your skin is an organ. 1.00

01:17:03.000 You know, all that stuff that you're putting on your skin, it is just not good for you.

01:17:07.000 It's not.

01:17:08.000 I was using DEET my first couple days on my last trip, and I started getting sick, and I was like, I can't.

01:17:13.000 This is, like, what am I doing?

01:17:14.000 You're processing it with your liver.

01:17:16.000 It's going through your skin.

01:17:17.000 It gets in your bloodstream.

01:17:18.000 Terrible.

01:17:19.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's probably some non-toxic alternatives, but they probably don't work that good.

01:17:23.000 No.

01:17:23.000 Except B1, huh?

01:17:24.000 It worked for me.

01:17:25.000 Hey.

01:17:26.000 B1. Yeah.

01:17:27.000 You hear it, folks.

01:17:28.000 It's a plug.

01:17:28.000 I've heard that before.

01:17:29.000 A friend of mine was telling me that about Africa.

01:17:32.000 That they went to Africa and they took a bunch of B vitamins and that did it.

01:17:35.000 But B1 in particular.

01:17:37.000 Did it for me.

01:17:38.000 Find anything on that, Jamie?

01:17:40.000 I found something that said that studies are inconclusive, but it may make mosquitoes think you stink.

01:17:45.000 Good.

01:17:46.000 Perfect.

01:17:47.000 Good.

01:17:47.000 It's fine for me.

01:17:48.000 Stink it up.

01:17:49.000 I wonder if it's like a vitamin that makes people think you smell good.

01:17:54.000 People or mosquitoes? 0.90

01:17:55.000 People.

01:17:56.000 Don't eat bananas.

01:17:57.000 Don't eat bananas.

01:17:58.000 For mosquito season, don't eat bananas.

01:17:59.000 That makes sense.

01:18:00.000 But I would think that like...

01:18:03.000 There's probably weird smells that you're not even sure you detect.

01:18:07.000 You know how some people just give off a weird odor to people?

01:18:09.000 Yes.

01:18:10.000 Maybe not an odor odor, but they just feel weird.

01:18:17.000 They said that...

01:18:19.000 Chris Ryan, my friend, he's an author. 0.53

01:18:24.000 He wrote Sex at Dawn. 0.84

01:18:25.000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 0.96

01:18:26.000 I met him.

01:18:26.000 He's great.

01:18:27.000 Super smart guy.

01:18:28.000 Yeah, super smart guy.

01:18:29.000 He was telling me that there's certain odors that human beings have, and those odors enable people to understand whether or not they're genetically compatible with each other.

01:18:41.000 There used to be, when we were kids, I used to always hear about couples taking blood tests to make sure that they could have babies together.

01:18:49.000 Really?

01:18:50.000 Yeah, that was a thing.

01:18:51.000 That was a thing.

01:18:52.000 They would make sure that they were compatible.

01:18:54.000 I don't even know if there was real science behind it, but they would take blood tests to find out if they were compatible.

01:19:02.000 I remember it being really common to discuss. 0.93

01:19:05.000 I mean, this is the 80s or the 90s or whatever the fuck it was. 0.90

01:19:09.000 The dark ages of science. 0.96

01:19:10.000 If only it was that easy to see blood tests.

01:19:12.000 Right.

01:19:12.000 But not compatible, obviously, personality-wise and all the other things that come into play.

01:19:17.000 But Chris Ryan was saying that women can smell a man's clothes.

01:19:25.000 You could literally smell their clothes and they would know whether or not they would be attracted to that person based on the smell that a person's getting. 0.59

01:19:36.000 Not like, oh my god, this guy stinks.

01:19:38.000 But literally, your body knows what's repulsive and what's not repulsive in terms of genetics based on someone's odor that they give off on their clothes.

01:19:48.000 But what it didn't work is when they put women on the pill. 1.00

01:19:52.000 Huh.

01:19:53.000 So when they put women on the pill, they were no longer able to differentiate whether or not someone was genetically compatible by smelling them. 0.76

01:20:00.000 It fogged up your natural senses.

01:20:05.000 Yeah.

01:20:06.000 Because I think when you're on the pill, you don't actually ovulate.

01:20:09.000 Right.

01:20:09.000 So you're not in the natural rhythm of biology.

01:20:13.000 Yeah, I think there's a natural feeling that women have when they're around a guy that they would breed with or a guy they wouldn't breed with. 0.96

01:20:21.000 They're like, okay, gotta go!

01:20:22.000 And that is probably a good thing. 0.63

01:20:25.000 People that are on the pill might be making really shitty genetic choices, literally genetic choices.

01:20:32.000 You can blame your last bad ex-boyfriend on being on the pill and not being able to smell him accurately. 0.85

01:20:37.000 I really think you can.

01:20:39.000 I mean, it totally makes sense. 0.99

01:20:41.000 Chris is probably listening to this right now going, you fucked it up! 0.98

01:20:44.000 I probably did. 0.97

01:20:45.000 But I think there's probably something to instinctual reactions to people.

01:20:51.000 Yeah.

01:20:51.000 I mean, have you ever met someone and you're like, for whatever reason, I just don't want to be around this person.

01:20:56.000 And then you find out years later that that person's fucking crazy or this or that. 0.74

01:21:01.000 I think people give off indetectable in terms of what we classify as smells, but maybe these pheromones have some sort of a weird reaction to you. 0.99

01:21:11.000 Birth control pills affect women's taste in men.

01:21:14.000 BAM! Wow!

01:21:15.000 How synthetic hormones change desires in women and their choice of a mate. 0.97

01:21:19.000 In a mate.

01:21:21.000 Yeah, totally makes sense.

01:21:24.000 Interesting.

01:21:24.000 Yeah.

01:21:25.000 Well, it just makes sense.

01:21:26.000 I mean, it just can't be normal.

01:21:27.000 Your body must be so confused. 1.00

01:21:29.000 Like, this bitch is pregnant all the time. 1.00

01:21:31.000 I know. 1.00

01:21:32.000 All the time.

01:21:32.000 I know.

01:21:33.000 And that's what it thinks.

01:21:34.000 Your body thinks you're pregnant all the time. 0.72

01:21:35.000 I know.

01:21:36.000 That's, yeah, the pill scares me, too.

01:21:38.000 Just synthetic hormones pumping through your system.

01:21:41.000 Yeah.

01:21:42.000 Can't be all that good to never get off.

01:21:45.000 But a lot of women never get off it, right? 1.00

01:21:47.000 They're on it forever.

01:21:48.000 Yep.

01:21:49.000 Yeah.

01:21:49.000 I don't like it.

01:21:50.000 It makes my hair oily when I'm off it.

01:21:51.000 Yep.

01:21:52.000 Here's stuff like that.

01:21:53.000 There's other ways to balance your hormones.

01:21:55.000 You know, I'm not a hormone specialist, but...

01:21:57.000 Why does hormones make a girl's hair oily? 1.00

01:21:59.000 I don't know.

01:22:00.000 I have no idea.

01:22:02.000 How do we get on the subject?

01:22:05.000 Smells.

01:22:07.000 Retreats.

01:22:07.000 You don't take dudes.

01:22:08.000 Dudes on retreats.

01:22:09.000 Yeah, I would think that getting a bunch of people that are trying to get their life together and then having them all together, male and female, you run into these weird issues where they're trying to hook up.

01:22:18.000 You can get really distracted.

01:22:19.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:22:20.000 You can get really distracted and you can get, like, if there's some kind of attraction, you can forget what you're there for and get obsessed with someone and it can kind of throw off a thing.

01:22:30.000 And there's something to...

01:22:33.000 About, you know, women coming together with women and men coming together with men that I think is important.

01:22:38.000 And I think kind of back to that tribal conversation we need.

01:22:42.000 A lot of women, including myself, have like beef with other women, you know, and they don't like being around just a bunch of other women. 0.97

01:22:48.000 Like there's competition that comes up.

01:22:50.000 You get that?

01:22:51.000 Well, I used to because I was scared of other women because I had all that stuff happen. 1.00

01:22:56.000 I didn't really trust it.

01:22:57.000 And so when you get a group of women together, a lot of times there is that comparison and judgment, and I can't trust, and da-da-da-da. 0.61

01:23:04.000 And so it's important for women, I think, to gather together and kind of do work separately from when there's men there because there's something that is very healing just in that.

01:23:15.000 And then there's a level of vulnerability that's possible when there aren't men there.

01:23:21.000 Not to say that you can't be vulnerable with men there, but it's just a different dynamic.

01:23:24.000 And I think the same goes for men.

01:23:26.000 Like I know men who do men's groups and men's work and there's great value in that.

01:23:31.000 And that's important.

01:23:32.000 And I think one of the problems I see a lot in intimate relationships is that in a heterosexual relationship is that you expect this one person to be your everything.

01:23:41.000 And you're not, you don't have a tribe and you don't have a community.

01:23:45.000 You don't have friends of the opposite sex and the same sex that are fulfilling kind of these needs.

01:23:50.000 That we all have.

01:23:50.000 We just project like this, my one person has to be my everything, my soulmate.

01:23:55.000 And so, you know, having your community, whatever it may be, and having different friends, I think is super, super important to having a healthy relationship.

01:24:03.000 Having friends, period, is super important.

01:24:05.000 There's something that I tweeted today that I was reading about.

01:24:08.000 They were talking about the role that genetics and family have in creating a personality and how much of an impact your peers have.

01:24:18.000 And they think that your peers and the friends you choose have a bigger impact than anything in your life.

01:24:25.000 Yeah.

01:24:25.000 And it was really fascinating.

01:24:27.000 I tweeted this morning, but it's one of those articles where you read it and you go, oh, that completely makes sense.

01:24:35.000 A researcher argues that peers are much more important than parents, that psychologists underestimate the power of genetics, and that we have a lot to learn from Asian classrooms.

01:24:46.000 Interesting.

01:24:47.000 What about Asian classrooms?

01:24:49.000 I have to go down and scroll.

01:24:50.000 I forgot what that was about.

01:24:53.000 I don't know.

01:24:53.000 Probably too long of an article to really get into it.

01:24:56.000 But we'd have to read it.

01:24:58.000 But peers in general, I think choosing like-minded folks and choosing people that are on a good path, it helps support you and it supports them and you feed off of each other.

01:25:11.000 And when the tribe does well, you do well.

01:25:13.000 Exactly.

01:25:14.000 It's very critical.

01:25:15.000 Everybody wants to be the person that's accomplishing things.

01:25:19.000 Everybody wants to be the one that's out there. 1.00

01:25:21.000 Go getting it and fuck the world. 1.00

01:25:23.000 It's all about me. 1.00

01:25:23.000 But if you do that, you're going to mess up the whole happiness thing. 1.00

01:25:29.000 The happiness thing comes with all the people that you're around having a good time.

01:25:34.000 Absolutely.

01:25:35.000 Yeah, and then it's just like...

01:25:38.000 It's endless.

01:25:40.000 You have to keep upping the ante.

01:26:10.000 Yeah.

01:26:18.000 Yeah.

01:26:21.000 Yeah.

01:26:28.000 And a lot of those friendships, you're not helping them either.

01:26:31.000 No. 0.95

01:26:31.000 And a matter of fact, sometimes when someone cuts you loose, you go, what the fuck is wrong with me? 0.95

01:26:36.000 Maybe I need to look at myself, right?

01:26:38.000 I mean, sometimes when you enable a friend, not only are you not doing yourself any good, you're not doing them any good either.

01:26:45.000 Exactly.

01:26:46.000 That was a big aha for me when my fiance broke up with me.

01:26:51.000 Because I very much wanted to be the victim in that.

01:26:54.000 But I had to look at, gosh, what did I... What did I do? 1.00

01:26:59.000 Because everybody's like, oh, he's such a jerk. 0.99

01:27:00.000 But I really had to look at how was I showing up in that relationship that was impacting his decision? 1.00

01:27:08.000 Because he wasn't a bad guy. 0.98

01:27:09.000 Like he wasn't just a jerk who decided, you know, I'm going to break up with this girl. 0.98

01:27:13.000 Like there were ways I was showing up that were that. 0.99

01:27:16.000 Like made him make the decision that he makes.

01:27:19.000 So I think in any of those situations, friendship or relationship, you know, you don't want to go too far the other extreme and be like, oh my gosh, I'm a loser and think it's all your fault.

01:27:27.000 But it's important to look at, geez, what's my part in this?

01:27:31.000 You know, what's my responsibility?

01:27:33.000 Because I played a role in this whole thing.

01:27:36.000 Yeah, I mean, there's no one-way street when it comes to a relationship.

01:27:39.000 And if you're in a relationship with a bad person, like, why?

01:27:43.000 Exactly.

01:27:43.000 Why did you get in that in the first place?

01:27:45.000 Did they trick you?

01:27:47.000 You know, if they did trick you, you know, what did you do when you realized it was a trick?

01:27:50.000 Did you stick around, try to fix it?

01:27:52.000 Yeah.

01:27:53.000 I think that's a really good question because, I mean, how many people do you know that are in bad relationships continue talking about it but aren't doing anything about it?

01:28:01.000 Those people are brutal.

01:28:02.000 They're not leaving it. 0.87

01:28:04.000 Those people are brutal.

01:28:04.000 They are.

01:28:06.000 You're just like, why?

01:28:08.000 But a lot of times it's because it's familiar.

01:28:14.000 Somebody said, you know, you get the love you think you deserve.

01:28:19.000 And it may be easy for us looking outside going, oh my gosh, it's so easy.

01:28:23.000 You should just leave this relationship.

01:28:25.000 But a lot of times the person doesn't think they can do better, or maybe this is playing out some dynamic they had with their parent, or you sort of need to understand why you're in it before you can actually make the choice to get out of it.

01:28:37.000 By the way, there's a lot of delusional people out there that are like, I deserve a lot more than I'm getting!

01:28:42.000 That's true.

01:28:42.000 That's not real either.

01:28:44.000 That's true.

01:28:44.000 What do you do when someone comes to you with unrealistic expectations or they don't want to see themselves like, you know, you tell them what they need to do or what they should consider and they argue with you about it.

01:28:56.000 Well, I just really ask, like, is what you're doing working?

01:29:00.000 Like, is your way working?

01:29:02.000 If you can show me your way's working, then great.

01:29:05.000 Like, my way's fine. 1.00

01:29:06.000 It's just fucking other people. 0.99

01:29:07.000 Everybody else. 1.00

01:29:09.000 Everybody else is all messed up.

01:29:11.000 I'm good. 1.00

01:29:12.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:29:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:14.000 I need you to coach everyone else I know.

01:29:17.000 Yep.

01:29:17.000 If we could just change other people, it's everybody else's fault.

01:29:21.000 Yep.

01:29:21.000 Do you ever have to tell people you're not going to work with them?

01:29:24.000 I've had one person I had to tell that to.

01:29:27.000 Yep.

01:29:28.000 Just one.

01:29:29.000 And it was, you know, I think it was just not a good fit.

01:29:33.000 And she just wasn't ready, willing, was super committed to her story.

01:29:39.000 And sort of wanted me just to coddle it, which I wasn't willing to do.

01:29:43.000 Yeah, sometimes people just want someone to talk.

01:29:45.000 That's what I've always wondered about therapy.

01:29:46.000 Like, I have friends that have been to therapy.

01:29:48.000 I'm like, okay, what do you do?

01:29:49.000 You go there and you talk about your problems.

01:29:50.000 And then what happens?

01:29:51.000 Well, they give you advice.

01:29:52.000 And then what happens? 0.99

01:29:53.000 You don't do shit, you know? 0.99

01:29:55.000 Like, there's a lot of people that just want to go somewhere and want someone to listen to them talk. 0.99

01:30:00.000 Right, right. 0.99

01:30:00.000 And they'll go three, four times a week, and they're still fucked up. 0.99

01:30:04.000 Yep. 0.98

01:30:05.000 I'm like, well, that isn't working.

01:30:06.000 Yeah.

01:30:07.000 It doesn't.

01:30:08.000 And I think my intention always is to really give people the tools, not just advice.

01:30:13.000 Really help them heal.

01:30:15.000 I've had amazing teachers.

01:30:16.000 I've been really, really lucky.

01:30:18.000 And they haven't just given me advice.

01:30:21.000 They haven't just given me motivation.

01:30:23.000 They've really given me tools to heal and change.

01:30:27.000 And that's what I try to do in my work with people is show them that A, it's possible and that you can do it and give them the tools to do it.

01:30:38.000 Because that's going to last longer than any kind of like pep talk.

01:30:42.000 It was funny.

01:30:43.000 We were talking before the podcast started about going to a seminar and someone asking how many men here feel vulnerable.

01:30:50.000 And like no one's putting their hand up.

01:30:52.000 How many women here feel vulnerable? 0.99

01:30:55.000 All the hands went up.

01:30:56.000 All the hands went up.

01:30:57.000 And I mean part of it I think is a little delusional because I think a lot of men are way more vulnerable than they really think they are.

01:31:04.000 But also there's just a different thing going through life I mean, there's that expression, the fair sex, but being a female, being a woman, means you're physically different.

01:31:16.000 Yep.

01:31:17.000 You're around a bunch of people that most of them could beat you up.

01:31:22.000 Yep.

01:31:24.000 Yep, it's a different way to walk through the world.

01:31:26.000 That vulnerability, though, is that creates another level of anxiety, right?

01:31:32.000 Like, walking down a dark street, you see someone, and it's a man, and he's walking down the dark street, too.

01:31:38.000 You're like, oh boy, you know?

01:31:40.000 Yeah, it's scary.

01:31:42.000 And it's something that, you know, I as a woman, like I'm always aware of it.

01:31:48.000 Not always, but a lot of the time, you know, because I know that, like you said, I could get beaten up like it's between me and a man, he's probably gonna win.

01:31:59.000 I mean, I'm pretty strong, but not that strong.

01:32:01.000 And I think what's also beautiful about women and just the feminine in general is that vulnerability.

01:32:07.000 But because like it sometimes doesn't feel safe, I think that's why a lot of women like kind of have a protective armor and are guarded and sometimes more in their like masculine energy in the world is because on some level we feel like we have to. 0.91

01:32:19.000 We have to like protect ourselves.

01:32:21.000 And whereas that vulnerability really is the thing that makes us women in so many ways.

01:32:27.000 And I think we confuse vulnerability with weakness.

01:32:31.000 Because vulnerability to me is being open, being available, being soft, but not weak.

01:32:40.000 Weakness to me is more about kind of going into the victim me and going into the poor pitiful me and the feeling sorry for and on all of those kinds of things.

01:32:50.000 I think there's beautiful power in vulnerability.

01:32:51.000 But when we're talking about just physical strength, yeah, I mean, for the most part, men have the advantage on that one.

01:32:59.000 It's just, we need all the pieces.

01:33:03.000 Right.

01:33:04.000 You need the whole spectrum of human beings.

01:33:07.000 Right.

01:33:07.000 And I mean, especially in terms of, you know, the traditional way of looking at things, you know, masculine men are attracted to feminine women and feminine women are attracted to masculine men and we both need each other.

01:33:21.000 But a lot of times, especially when you're dealing with damaged folks, Mm-hmm.

01:33:48.000 Where someone's bullying you.

01:33:49.000 And you get it in this relationship then.

01:33:52.000 Instead of someone appreciating you for the difference in the softness versus the hard, the yin and the yang.

01:33:58.000 Now you have someone who's exploiting that.

01:34:01.000 And you see it with women too.

01:34:02.000 You see it with aggressive women and weak men. 0.96

01:34:06.000 That is, to me, one of the saddest things I ever see.

01:34:09.000 I know.

01:34:09.000 Is when you find the aggressive women and the weak men.

01:34:14.000 Probably because I'm terrified of it ever being me.

01:34:16.000 You know?

01:34:18.000 I don't think it will be.

01:34:19.000 But I mean, if it was, nobody wants that.

01:34:22.000 Nobody wants the woman who's yelling at you and the guy's like, okay, okay, okay.

01:34:27.000 That happens a lot.

01:34:29.000 A lot!

01:34:30.000 A lot!

01:34:31.000 It's kind of crazy to me because...

01:34:35.000 You know, I see women emasculate men quite often, you know?

01:34:39.000 Not maybe on like a huge scale to the degree you're talking about, but just like the little comments, like I'll be out with a couple and the woman will say something and it's kind of emasculating.

01:34:50.000 But if the roles are reversed and the guy said something like that to the woman, I don't know if it would go over.

01:34:56.000 You know, guys just kind of take it on sometimes.

01:34:59.000 And when I see that, I'm like...

01:35:02.000 Well, a lot of men feel emasculated by society in general, just by the roles that they play in the office and just the physical act of going through life, this civilized world, and also constantly needing people's affirmation,

01:35:19.000 needing people's acceptance.

01:35:21.000 And you sort of become what people want you to be, even if that's not what you want.

01:35:27.000 You get in these relationships, and you see it all the time, where guys sort of accept a little bit, and then they accept more, and then they don't want to mess up.

01:35:36.000 I have a bunch of friends that have really domineering, overbearing wives or girlfriends, and it's weird.

01:35:43.000 It's weird to be around them.

01:35:45.000 Like, dude, you know you can leave.

01:35:46.000 This is just a person.

01:35:48.000 Why do you think they don't?

01:35:50.000 Because they're scared.

01:35:51.000 They're scared.

01:35:52.000 And it becomes the thing.

01:35:53.000 You know, that's the thing.

01:35:55.000 This is the thing. 1.00

01:35:55.000 Oh, the fucking wife. 1.00

01:35:56.000 We've got to go home to the wife. 1.00

01:35:57.000 You know, and it's very strange.

01:36:00.000 It's very strange when you have someone in your life that's essentially like a parole officer.

01:36:05.000 Someone in your life that gets to tell you what to do.

01:36:07.000 And you're not allowed to do certain things.

01:36:09.000 You're not allowed to watch certain things or like certain things.

01:36:12.000 And they control you and they own you.

01:36:16.000 I think a lot of these people that are doing that, much like the girl who bullied you or anybody who does that to someone, they do it out of fear, they do it out of insecurity, and they also do it out of this bizarre instinct because they can.

01:36:32.000 I used to date this girl. 0.99

01:36:33.000 She wasn't a bad person, but she used to like to fight. 0.99

01:36:36.000 And I do not.

01:36:37.000 I do not like that kind of conflict.

01:36:40.000 I don't like interrelationship conflict.

01:36:42.000 I don't like it.

01:36:43.000 I don't fight.

01:36:44.000 I don't argue.

01:36:44.000 I'd just rather leave.

01:36:46.000 I'm into discussing things, but when people start yelling and get crazy, I'm like, fuck this. 0.99

01:36:51.000 I grew up around domestic violence, too. 0.99

01:36:55.000 I grew up with...

01:36:56.000 So I saw it when I was a kid.

01:36:59.000 I'm not interested.

01:37:01.000 And so we broke up, but we stayed friends.

01:37:04.000 And then years later, we went out to coffee.

01:37:07.000 I'm like, how's everything?

01:37:08.000 What's going on?

01:37:09.000 Oh, I'm living with this guy.

01:37:10.000 It's not going good.

01:37:11.000 I'm like, why?

01:37:11.000 She's like...

01:37:12.000 She's telling me how she yells at this guy and she can't help it.

01:37:16.000 She's like, I can't help it. 0.99

01:37:18.000 I just fucking yell at him. 0.99

01:37:20.000 And he doesn't do anything. 1.00

01:37:21.000 He just takes it. 1.00

01:37:22.000 And she's like, when he takes it, I just want to fucking smash him. 0.99

01:37:26.000 She's like, I just can't. 0.99

01:37:27.000 She goes, I don't want to yell at him, but I can't help doing it. 0.97

01:37:29.000 And then when he's gone, I'm like, why the fuck did I do that? 0.88

01:37:32.000 And she had this... 0.99

01:37:35.000 Weird, almost like a natural impulse to dominate this guy.

01:37:40.000 Like, have you ever seen two dogs where one dog has the upper hand on the dog and he'll go near the dog and the other dog...

01:37:47.000 And that's just their world!

01:37:50.000 It's just their world.

01:37:50.000 The other dog never gets a chance.

01:37:52.000 And sometimes it's not even a size-based thing.

01:37:55.000 They might be the exact same size dog. 0.99

01:37:57.000 Just one dog just decides it's the bitch, and the other one's the dominator, and that's just how it goes. 1.00

01:38:02.000 Well, she was in this position with this guy where she just had this compelling desire to fucking yell at him. 0.99

01:38:09.000 And I go, well, what are you yelling at him for? 0.98

01:38:10.000 She's like, anything.

01:38:11.000 Everything. 1.00

01:38:12.000 She goes, I just fucking, I want him to tell me to shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:38:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:38:17.000 She wanted him to outman her.

01:38:19.000 Yeah, but isn't that crazy?

01:38:20.000 What a bizarre instinct to push.

01:38:25.000 She was frustrated at herself.

01:38:27.000 She was frustrated at him.

01:38:29.000 But it's almost like she was compelled.

01:38:31.000 She's being drawn to the great magnet.

01:38:34.000 It's like, oh, I can't help it.

01:38:36.000 I'm going to scream at him.

01:38:37.000 Right.

01:38:37.000 Well, it's interesting how we project onto other people.

01:38:41.000 Something was going on inside of her that was creating that dynamic in him.

01:38:46.000 She could have left at any time, but it was like she was so trying to get a reaction out of him, honestly, to probably see if he cared.

01:38:54.000 She probably equated, all right, well, him taking it means he doesn't care.

01:38:57.000 So how much can I push?

01:38:59.000 How much can I push?

01:39:00.000 How much can I push so that I can see that he He'll react enough because that may mean he cares.

01:39:04.000 Do you think that's what it is?

01:39:05.000 That she didn't think he cares?

01:39:06.000 Or do you think she just thinks he's weak and it's just frustrating to her that he's weak?

01:39:09.000 Well, if it was just that, I think she would have left a lot earlier.

01:39:12.000 There was something she wanted.

01:39:14.000 Like, we don't keep doing it over and over and over again unless there's something we're attached to getting. 0.99

01:39:19.000 Like, you know, when we're like, oh man, this is stupid, we get out of there. 0.86

01:39:24.000 But when we find ourselves in situations where it's like... 0.98

01:39:27.000 We're good to go.

01:39:40.000 I wonder.

01:39:41.000 It was also, she was trying to do the acting thing, and she was constantly frustrated.

01:39:46.000 Yeah?

01:39:46.000 She was constantly...

01:39:47.000 Just taking it out on him?

01:39:48.000 Yeah.

01:39:49.000 Well, it would be really interesting.

01:39:52.000 I'd watch these almost sort of manic things.

01:39:55.000 There would be these moments where she would be preparing for an audition, and she'd be hopeful, yet nervous.

01:40:02.000 There was a lot of anxiety, and there was all this...

01:40:05.000 Here's the thing, and the thing's going to go, and hopefully if this happens, this guy's connected to this, and that's going to happen with that.

01:40:10.000 And then, boom, it didn't happen.

01:40:12.000 And so there was this massive letdown.

01:40:14.000 There was cigarette smoking and depression and all this angst.

01:40:19.000 Yep. 0.98

01:40:22.000 I got the fuck out of there. 0.90

01:40:23.000 But this dude got in there and he caught the second wave of angst. 0.94

01:40:31.000 When I met her, she was just moving here.

01:40:33.000 And so she wasn't completely bewildered by the experience and the machine yet.

01:40:37.000 Yeah.

01:40:38.000 And...

01:40:40.000 It's also, I think, for some people, choosing things that you do for a living that are healthy for you.

01:40:47.000 I think there's a lot of people that get involved in careers that require too much of their time.

01:40:52.000 You don't really want to do it, but you get caught up in it, whether it's being a lawyer or being a doctor or being something that has a prestigious title, where you feel like there's something great.

01:41:02.000 But really, in the back of your mind, there's something else that you probably would be way happy doing.

01:41:07.000 I mean, that was me.

01:41:08.000 I was going after it for the wrong reasons.

01:41:10.000 What do you want to do, though, if you weren't doing a life coach?

01:41:13.000 I know you enjoy doing what you're doing.

01:41:14.000 Oh, gosh.

01:41:15.000 Like, if somehow or another you were independently wealthy and you didn't have to coach all these crazy people anymore. 0.99

01:41:21.000 Not that they're crazy, but some of them are probably crazy. 0.86

01:41:24.000 Well, I kind of do it. 0.74

01:41:25.000 I mean, like, I, you know...

01:41:28.000 I love people and I love personal development.

01:41:31.000 Even if I had all the money in the world, I'd still speak.

01:41:34.000 I'd still do my podcast.

01:41:35.000 I'd still do retreats.

01:41:37.000 I love it.

01:41:39.000 I love the human experience.

01:41:41.000 I love being there for that moment where someone has a major insight where they connect dots and it's like, whoa, a massive perspective shift and all of a sudden they start to kind of move a different direction.

01:41:53.000 It's...

01:41:54.000 I can't imagine doing anything else.

01:41:56.000 I mean, if I could sing, if I had any kind of music ability, I think it'd be awesome to be a rock star, like, just to have that rush.

01:42:02.000 But literally, I have no musical ability whatsoever other than, like, listening to it.

01:42:08.000 I just do not have those...

01:42:09.000 Well, that's great.

01:42:10.000 So you found your thing.

01:42:11.000 Now, how often is it when you talk to people, when you're trying to coach them and help them, and you realize, like, man, you've got to do something else?

01:42:18.000 Like, is that a factor?

01:42:20.000 Because I would think that...

01:42:21.000 The thing about careers is not only is it eight hours of your time, but it also kind of defines you.

01:42:26.000 So every day you're defined by whatever you do.

01:42:29.000 And oftentimes, like we were talking about, like men in these workplace environments, they're sort of like they're boxed into this predetermined pattern of behavior that's expected from them.

01:42:39.000 You know, they have shoes with tassels on them and ties.

01:42:42.000 And they have to talk like, you know, business talk.

01:42:45.000 It's like you fall into these weird patterns.

01:42:47.000 You do.

01:42:48.000 And you lose a lot of your individuality inside those patterns because office life and, you know, human resources demand certain things of you.

01:42:57.000 Like there's a certain, your personality, like when you're in an office environment, anytime you're in the corporate world, your personality is stuffed into this form.

01:43:11.000 Right.

01:43:11.000 Whatever that form is, whatever that mold is, the mold of being a business person.

01:43:16.000 You're a woman.

01:43:17.000 You're a businesswoman. 1.00

01:43:18.000 You want to be respected.

01:43:19.000 You want to use the right words and say the right things and talk the right lingo. 0.99

01:43:27.000 A lot of times people are left wondering, who the fuck am I? Right. 0.99

01:43:31.000 They just get totally lost in a role.

01:43:34.000 I go do a lot of corporate speaking and I have a lot of people come up to me afterwards and they're just like, oh my gosh.

01:43:41.000 Because I talk about how we lose ourselves in these roles and how a lot of times our adult life becomes sort of just this...

01:43:51.000 Checklist, follow Truman Show, one thing after the other, just follow this structure that was set out for us that we never checked in and said, do I want this?

01:43:59.000 Do I even want this?

01:44:01.000 So to answer your question, yes, a lot of times when people come or I'm working with people, it is looking at, is this career right for you?

01:44:10.000 Is this relationship right for you?

01:44:11.000 What have you created in your life that just doesn't fit where you are, but you're in it because you're scared to make the change?

01:44:17.000 And also, you know, some people really can be happy in corporate America.

01:44:23.000 Like some people, that works for them.

01:44:25.000 A few mutants.

01:44:25.000 A few strange freaks.

01:44:26.000 I firmly really believe that the vast majority of people that are living the American dream, living that life, doing that 9 to 5, the vast majority of them are fucking horrifically miserable. 1.00

01:44:40.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:44:41.000 I really do believe that.

01:44:42.000 I think it's so defining and it's so contrary to the human spirit.

01:44:48.000 Right.

01:44:48.000 But I think most people don't want to believe that.

01:44:51.000 They don't want to believe it's possible that everybody's doing something wrong.

01:44:54.000 Right.

01:44:54.000 And they don't believe they can change it.

01:44:56.000 Yeah.

01:44:57.000 There's no other options.

01:44:58.000 They don't know what else to do, especially if they have a mortgage and a spouse and kids.

01:45:02.000 Student loans.

01:45:03.000 All that stuff.

01:45:04.000 Yeah.

01:45:04.000 It's really intimidating to go, oh gosh, how do I change this?

01:45:08.000 Yeah.

01:45:09.000 I think you have to start small.

01:45:10.000 I think you have to start with...

01:45:12.000 Okay, I don't have to quit my job tomorrow, but what are some things in my life I can start doing that make me feel alive again?

01:45:18.000 Like, is it a hobby?

01:45:20.000 Is it like training for a marathon?

01:45:21.000 Is it what is going to start making me feel like, you know, I'm creative and I matter and I'm more than just this role as husband, wife, mother, father, corporate, executive, whatever it is.

01:45:33.000 So I think that's a good place to start is something small you can do to make you feel alive again because anybody has access to that.

01:45:39.000 You don't have to leave your job To start creating some things in your life that can start to shift things.

01:45:45.000 And then, like we were talking about, then it's like the gradual change, you know?

01:45:48.000 Because I don't think it's possible for most people just to quit their job tomorrow.

01:45:52.000 They don't think it's possible.

01:45:53.000 Almost no one, right?

01:45:54.000 Almost no one can just quit.

01:45:55.000 And not everybody's meant to be an entrepreneur either and do their own thing.

01:45:59.000 But there are always things we can do in our life to mix it up a little bit.

01:46:04.000 And even to show up differently in our job.

01:46:07.000 Yeah, I just think that for a huge amount of people, the amount of time that's required of them because of their job is so overwhelming.

01:46:18.000 Because most people, let's be honest, are not really just working 9 to 5, particularly most men.

01:46:23.000 There's a tremendous amount of overtime involved.

01:46:25.000 Tremendous.

01:46:25.000 I was looking at something that was talking about, it was an article on the wage gap difference and what it really is about.

01:46:31.000 And one of the things that it was about was the amount of, the difference in the amount of hours that men work.

01:46:36.000 In their ambition to try to climb up the corporate ladder.

01:46:40.000 And you look at the numbers that people work and it's terrifying.

01:46:44.000 There's no life.

01:46:45.000 If you're working 60 hours a week, you don't have a life.

01:46:49.000 There's nothing left.

01:46:51.000 I'll do a podcast for three hours and I'll do a bunch of other stuff and I'm trying to fit in things in my day and I have a pretty loose schedule.

01:46:59.000 I mean, I do a lot of things, but it's pretty loose, you know?

01:47:02.000 Like, today I did UFC stuff for a couple hours this morning, and then I come here for a few hours, then I gotta work out, then I'll tell some jokes.

01:47:10.000 But there's a lot of, like, movement in there. 0.97

01:47:13.000 There's a lot of time where I can get shit done.

01:47:15.000 Some people don't have any of that. 0.96

01:47:16.000 They don't have nothing.

01:47:17.000 So what do you think was, like, that made you different?

01:47:21.000 Like, back in the day where you could have done that path of the corporate route, why did you make different choices?

01:47:28.000 It's a good question.

01:47:29.000 I don't know.

01:47:30.000 I don't know.

01:47:31.000 I mean, I never felt like I could.

01:47:35.000 I never felt like I could have a regular job.

01:47:37.000 From the time I got out of high school, I never had a full-time job.

01:47:42.000 I had a bunch of part-time jobs.

01:47:44.000 I did some full-time jobs where construction companies and stuff, but it didn't last. 0.99

01:47:48.000 I would do them for like a month or a couple of weeks, and I was like, fuck this. 0.99

01:47:52.000 Like, whatever it is about... 0.99

01:47:54.000 And it was all...

01:47:55.000 It was the main source...

01:48:00.000 Of all my problems in high school, all my problems in high school is I was not willing to do things I didn't want to do.

01:48:07.000 So I would barely get by through high school.

01:48:09.000 I would take tests, you know, that would register intelligence or measure intelligence.

01:48:15.000 That'd be great.

01:48:15.000 Everything's fine.

01:48:16.000 But I would take actual tests based on what I was supposed to be studying, and I fucking barely paid attention. 0.82

01:48:22.000 I mean, I squoze through high school with like a C average in most things. 0.92

01:48:27.000 I barely got by.

01:48:29.000 And even when I was going to college, I was only going to college, I went to Boston University, or UMass, rather, in Boston.

01:48:35.000 And the only reason why I went is because I didn't want anybody to think I was a loser.

01:48:40.000 So I was taking classes at UMass, and I was teaching Taekwondo at Boston University, which was like a really good school.

01:48:49.000 I was looking at all these people that were preparing for life, and to me it was like, you're gonna go get eaten by alligators or something.

01:48:57.000 I was like, what are you gonna do?

01:48:58.000 You're gonna go get a job?

01:48:59.000 You're gonna be working nine to five? 0.94

01:49:01.000 For whatever fucked up thing that was wrong in my head, I would way rather get up in the morning and deliver newspapers for three hours a day, or drive limos at night. 0.95

01:49:09.000 I had a really unstable childhood. 0.97

01:49:13.000 So in my mind, anything that you were locked down to was death.

01:49:17.000 It was prison.

01:49:19.000 Whatever malfunction of my brain, I figured out a way to make it work for me.

01:49:25.000 Well, that was a survival skill.

01:49:26.000 Yeah.

01:49:27.000 Yeah.

01:49:27.000 In some way.

01:49:28.000 Yeah.

01:49:29.000 But also a lack of...

01:49:30.000 Like, I'm not very disciplined.

01:49:32.000 It looks like I'm disciplined on the outside.

01:49:34.000 I'm not disciplined at all.

01:49:35.000 I'm obsessed.

01:49:36.000 I get obsessed with things.

01:49:38.000 I'm disciplined in certain aspects, like with exercise, and I do it when I don't want to do it.

01:49:42.000 I force myself to practice, and I force myself to write.

01:49:45.000 I force myself to do things.

01:49:46.000 Yeah.

01:49:47.000 But it's more of an obsession thing.

01:49:49.000 Like, I get obsessed with...

01:49:52.000 Either goals or tasks or things or puzzles or games.

01:49:58.000 I have a real problem.

01:50:00.000 There's something wrong with me.

01:50:01.000 Why do you say that?

01:50:02.000 Does it feel draining when you get obsessed with something?

01:50:04.000 No, because I'll play pool for 12 hours in a row.

01:50:07.000 I'll get obsessed with playing pool and then I think I'm gonna be the world champion.

01:50:10.000 I'm gonna practice 12 hours a day for the rest of my life.

01:50:13.000 I mean, I'm a sick person.

01:50:16.000 Whatever happened to me when I was young, whatever weirdness involved, I figured out a way to manage it.

01:50:23.000 But it can get away from me.

01:50:24.000 It's gotten away from me before.

01:50:26.000 I play video games like 8-10 hours a day.

01:50:28.000 It can get away.

01:50:30.000 I have to manage whatever craziness that makes me focus on things.

01:50:35.000 I see it in my kids, especially my middle daughter.

01:50:39.000 She gets obsessed with things.

01:50:41.000 And I'm like, wow, this is crazy.

01:50:42.000 This is like a genetic thing.

01:50:43.000 It's like watching a little female me in a lot of ways. 0.99

01:50:47.000 She read all eight Harry Potter books in a matter of a couple of months.

01:50:51.000 She just gets into stuff. 0.60

01:50:54.000 And then you've got to go, hey, shut the light out.

01:50:56.000 You've got to go to bed.

01:50:57.000 One more chapter.

01:50:57.000 Come on, you've got to stop.

01:51:00.000 But it's not like she's seeing it in me and she's mirroring it.

01:51:03.000 Because...

01:51:04.000 It's our own little weirdness.

01:51:08.000 Obviously, she's got a healthier environment than I grew up in, so it's not a matter of not ever wanting to be connected to anything permanent because nothing is permanent.

01:51:19.000 That was part of, I think, the lessons from my childhood.

01:51:22.000 No one's here to help you. 1.00

01:51:24.000 Don't get locked in any fucking job. 0.99

01:51:26.000 Get ready to move at any time. 0.99

01:51:29.000 And embracing moving. 0.90

01:51:31.000 To this day, I'll be like, I've got to get the fuck out of L.A. Everything's here. 0.63

01:51:35.000 I have to do everything here.

01:51:36.000 The comedy store is here.

01:51:37.000 My family's here.

01:51:38.000 My kids go to school here.

01:51:39.000 All my friends live here. 1.00

01:51:40.000 But I'm like, fuck this. 0.99

01:51:41.000 I'm going to the mountains. 0.99

01:51:41.000 I gotta get out of here. 0.99

01:51:42.000 I have this nomad shit in me that I'm constantly trying to manage. 0.98

01:51:52.000 As much as people like to take credit for a certain amount of success, I can tell you all the different things that I did that led to me being successful at things, but almost it's like the function of a mental issue. 0.99

01:52:05.000 A lot of it is a function of learning how to manage a brain that doesn't work like everybody else's brain.

01:52:14.000 Mm-hmm.

01:52:15.000 But that's so, I think, common for a lot of successful people, especially.

01:52:21.000 And the difference is you're aware of how it works and you've learned how to manage it.

01:52:26.000 But that obsessive thing, in so many ways, it has gotten you a certain degree of success.

01:52:33.000 And all of those things...

01:52:35.000 Survival skills, compensatory strategies, whatever they are, they have their positives, they have ways that they really help us, but then they have the ways that kind of torture us in a lot of ways.

01:52:45.000 And I think growth is really about understanding what are the ways that this isn't doing me any good, and how can I be mindful of it?

01:52:52.000 And also, like, you know, how do I know now that, like, that now is not then?

01:52:59.000 Like, how do I, you know, stop being activated by old experiences in my past And just have peace for where I am now and take those gifts from the obsession that's made you successful but not have the parts that kind of torture you at the same time.

01:53:14.000 Well, I don't feel tortured.

01:53:16.000 So I think in some ways I've achieved some sort of a victory over my whatever mental issues that I have.

01:53:22.000 But I can't do nothing.

01:53:24.000 Right.

01:53:25.000 That's the reason why I have three jobs.

01:53:27.000 Like, you know, I can't do nothing. 0.91

01:53:30.000 And I have three jobs and a fucking ton of obsessions outside of those jobs.

01:53:36.000 Martial arts, archery, reading and writing and all sorts of other stuff on top of podcasting, doing the commentary for the UFC, doing stand-up comedy. 0.65

01:53:46.000 Like, that's the only way I'm...

01:53:48.000 I feel even.

01:53:49.000 And I can't have one thing that I count on either.

01:53:52.000 If I only had stand-up comedy or only had the UFC, if there's only one thing or only had podcasting, I'd be like, this is my...

01:54:01.000 I would want to quit.

01:54:03.000 I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore. 0.99

01:54:04.000 This is my fucking thing. 0.99

01:54:05.000 I'm just going to be trapped doing this thing, talking into a fucking microphone out into space for the rest of my life. 1.00

01:54:11.000 I don't even want to hear myself anymore. 0.99

01:54:13.000 I'm going to quit.

01:54:14.000 So, whatever weird malfunction my brain has had, I've figured out a way over all the years of my life to manage it.

01:54:23.000 But a lot of it is physical, too.

01:54:26.000 Managing my brain, a lot of it requires intense exercise.

01:54:30.000 Like, when I intensely exercise, then I can, like, oh...

01:54:34.000 Alright.

01:54:35.000 It's gonna be alright.

01:54:36.000 It's gonna be cool.

01:54:37.000 But if I don't...

01:54:38.000 It's like pent up.

01:54:40.000 It's all built up and then it's hard to enjoy things.

01:54:43.000 It's hard to just chill.

01:54:45.000 I can't chill unless I earn it.

01:54:49.000 It's probably a malfunction, but the illusion is that it's not.

01:54:54.000 The illusion is that it's a discipline and that it's all choices, but that's really not the case.

01:55:00.000 Maybe it's just you and how you operate, your operating system.

01:55:04.000 Are you coaching me now?

01:55:05.000 Is that what's going on here?

01:55:06.000 I don't know.

01:55:07.000 Does it feel like I am?

01:55:09.000 Yes, it does.

01:55:12.000 Yeah, maybe it is me.

01:55:13.000 I mean, I think people...

01:55:15.000 And that's not a bad thing.

01:55:16.000 No.

01:55:16.000 Like, that's, you know, I think that they're back to the acceptance thing.

01:55:21.000 There's a lot of ways I think we're supposed to be.

01:55:23.000 We look at other people and how they do their life or whatever, and we think that because we're acting this way, something must be wrong with us.

01:55:29.000 But a lot of times there's not.

01:55:31.000 This is just the way you operate.

01:55:33.000 Yeah.

01:55:34.000 You know what?

01:55:35.000 Another thing that's interesting is when I was a kid, I was not very confident and also didn't like to talk to people.

01:55:43.000 Really?

01:55:43.000 I would get anxiety.

01:55:44.000 I'd get anxiety if I had to talk, and I'd get anxiety if I had to talk to a bank teller.

01:55:50.000 Like, if I had to wait in line to go to the bank teller, I'd start freaking out, like, on my way to the bank teller.

01:55:55.000 And, like, if you talk to, like, people who knew me from high school, and they'll go, uh, did you ever think that Joe was going to be a comedian?

01:56:02.000 They'd be like, no. 0.98

01:56:04.000 Like, no fucking way! 0.99

01:56:05.000 That guy wasn't funny. 0.99

01:56:06.000 Like, they didn't...

01:56:07.000 I figured out a way to be more relaxed socially, and it wasn't an easy process at all.

01:56:14.000 It took forever.

01:56:14.000 To the point where now...

01:56:16.000 I'm extremely relaxed socially.

01:56:18.000 Now I can talk to anybody.

01:56:20.000 One of the things I love about doing podcasts, I like just having conversations with people.

01:56:25.000 I want to know.

01:56:27.000 You're another organism.

01:56:28.000 You're another person.

01:56:29.000 I want to know what's going on in your head.

01:56:31.000 I don't understand...

01:56:32.000 I want to try to see what connections you've made, what definitions you've fallen on, how you've defined this world, how you've categorized things and how you're managing it, how you're maneuvering through it.

01:56:48.000 I'm fascinated by that.

01:56:50.000 I'm fascinated by the thoughts that people carry around inside their heads.

01:56:56.000 Yeah, me too.

01:56:57.000 Yeah.

01:56:58.000 I love it.

01:56:58.000 And whether or not they're empowering or whether or not you're a woe is me type person, you know?

01:57:04.000 And what are the puzzle pieces that have led to where you are?

01:57:07.000 And I love that you're sharing this because I think a lot of people can see you and see your success and everything that you have and think you're always like this and that it's just been easy because this is, you know, you're always like this.

01:57:18.000 But to know you had that background and you had the social anxiety and this is like such a stretch.

01:57:24.000 I think it's really inspiring because it gives people—it's like, oh, you can't—you can no longer argue that, you know, you're just born a certain way and, like, that's just the way you are.

01:57:35.000 Like, you're proof that you actually can change and you can get over things and you can create things that, you know, you probably didn't think were possible when you were 10 or however old you were when you were going through all that stuff.

01:57:49.000 People have different starting points.

01:57:51.000 It's like I was saying that if you want to climb Mount Everest, good luck if you're starting from Santa Monica. 0.98

01:57:55.000 You've got to fucking walk all the way to Tibet. 0.99

01:57:57.000 It's going to take a long ass time. 0.99

01:57:59.000 Yeah, those oceans are going to be hard to get across.

01:58:01.000 But if you're at the base of Tibet, if that's where you live, or the base of the Himalayas, it's way easier.

01:58:08.000 To climb that thing.

01:58:09.000 You know, it's still not easy, but it's easier.

01:58:12.000 And I think there's a lot of people that start, you know, in the metaphoric Santa Monica with their life.

01:58:19.000 They're really far away from their goal.

01:58:21.000 It doesn't mean it's not possible, but it means there's a bunch of steps, whether they're conscious or unconscious, that you're going to have to make in order to get to a position.

01:58:30.000 And I still remember fucking freaking out going to a bank teller.

01:58:33.000 It used to happen all the time. 0.97

01:58:35.000 I just didn't want to talk to people. 0.99

01:58:37.000 I was just in my own head, and I was super insecure, and I just could barely get through shit. 0.89

01:58:44.000 And so what changed it? 0.98

01:58:45.000 Just doing it over and over again?

01:58:47.000 Martial arts was a big thing.

01:58:49.000 Martial arts was the first thing that I ever did where I was good at it, where I didn't feel like a loser.

01:58:55.000 I was pretty good at art.

01:58:58.000 Like drawing and painting stuff?

01:59:00.000 And I wanted to be a comic book illustrator, and that was a big focus of my life when I was younger.

01:59:07.000 And I definitely took some sort of identity in the fact that I was good at that.

01:59:11.000 I liked the fact that people would say I was good at it.

01:59:14.000 It made me feel good.

01:59:15.000 But it was different than martial arts.

01:59:18.000 Because with martial arts, it was the first thing that I did where I felt like I could really be exceptional.

01:59:25.000 Like I could be really good.

01:59:31.000 First of all, I was gifted physically and then also this crazy brain of mine if I could point it to something like I would work out at 3 o'clock in the morning because I knew nobody else would I knew they weren't there so I had keys to the gym so because I was teaching so I would go there I'd wake up and I would drive down to the gym and And I'd open it up in the middle of the night and put in a workout because I knew that no one else was doing that.

01:59:59.000 I knew they weren't there.

02:00:00.000 And I felt like it gave me an edge, but also I felt like I was getting ahead of them.

02:00:08.000 You know, like it was some sort of a crazy race. 0.99

02:00:11.000 So for between the age of 15 and 21, I was just completely obsessed with fighting.

02:00:18.000 And that's all I did.

02:00:20.000 I just, I didn't, I didn't know.

02:00:22.000 I probably barely knew who was president. 0.98

02:00:24.000 I didn't know a goddamn thing about the world. 0.99

02:00:27.000 I wasn't reading shit unless it was like some samurai book on philosophy and combat. 0.99

02:00:33.000 Like that was all I was obsessed with. 0.99

02:00:35.000 And that's when I also got into Anthony Robbins, somewhere around that too.

02:00:39.000 But I was interested in things that would give me an edge, personal development stuff that would give me an edge.

02:00:45.000 And then through doing martial arts, and then also through teaching.

02:00:49.000 I think that was a big one, was teaching classes And then teaching at BU was big, too, because when I was teaching at Boston University, I was teaching an actual class.

02:00:57.000 What were you teaching?

02:00:58.000 Taekwondo.

02:00:59.000 At that time, I had won the US Open, I had won a bunch of different tournaments, and I was doing really well as a fighter, as a martial arts competitor.

02:01:12.000 So they had a Taekwondo program at BU, and I was teaching it.

02:01:17.000 And I'd have to address the whole class, but I would address the whole class as something that I was really good at.

02:01:22.000 Like, I knew I could demonstrate to them some movements and stuff like that.

02:01:26.000 I'd show some things. 0.99

02:01:27.000 I'd ask someone to hold something and I'd kick it or something like that, and they'd be like, holy shit! 0.99

02:01:31.000 And then they would listen. 0.99

02:01:33.000 Like, I was confident in what I was saying there.

02:01:37.000 And it was like the only time in my life that I could remember being confident And telling people something.

02:01:43.000 It's like, I would describe how you do it, this is how you do it, and I'll show you how to do it here.

02:01:47.000 But this is how it needs to be done, and this is why, and this is what happens when you do it, and this is what's involved in the mechanisms of your body.

02:01:54.000 And so that gave me the first...

02:01:58.000 That was like the first feeling that I got where there was...

02:02:01.000 I knew that there was like a light at the end of the tunnel.

02:02:03.000 Or at least I knew, well, at least this.

02:02:06.000 Now I don't feel like a loser anymore.

02:02:07.000 Yeah.

02:02:08.000 Yeah.

02:02:09.000 It gave you something to, like you said, be exceptional at.

02:02:13.000 And I think that's what gives us confidence.

02:02:17.000 Is feeling like we've somewhat mastered something.

02:02:20.000 Like somewhat...

02:02:22.000 Really could understand something well enough to teach it.

02:02:25.000 Yes.

02:02:26.000 And without that, we're just chasing it, I think, and trying to get it through little things we do.

02:02:32.000 And I think that's why a lot of people go from career to career, job to job, or whatever, trying to find that little bit of...

02:02:37.000 Instead of sticking with something and really focusing in on really studying it.

02:02:41.000 And that's where I think the obsession actually served you in a lot of ways.

02:02:44.000 I think for sure.

02:02:45.000 And there's also an expression that I love to use that martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential because it's so difficult and it's so terrifying.

02:02:53.000 And then the idea of competing and the physical consequences are so devastating if you get hit that you can't half-ass it.

02:03:04.000 You can't slack off.

02:03:05.000 You have to really pursue this thing with An insanity, like an incredible intensity.

02:03:12.000 And then through that, you realize, oh, I could do that.

02:03:14.000 And then from doing that, you kind of realize, well, what if I apply that to writing a book or doing that or learning how to do something else?

02:03:23.000 For me, it was stand-up comedy.

02:03:25.000 Wow.

02:03:25.000 See, stand-up comedy seems just terrifying to me.

02:03:29.000 Not as terrifying as working in a fucking office wearing tassels. 1.00

02:03:33.000 With shiny shoes and those fucking stupid, thin socks. 1.00

02:03:38.000 That's very true. 1.00

02:03:39.000 Yeah, that was terrifying for me, too.

02:03:41.000 God, I remember Sunday nights, I would just get knots in my stomach.

02:03:45.000 Just like, oh, do I have to go?

02:03:48.000 And be in awful staff meetings on Monday mornings.

02:03:52.000 Draining.

02:03:54.000 Sucking the oxygen out of the room. 0.97

02:03:56.000 Sucking the life out of me.

02:03:59.000 That's why a lot of people start taking medication. 0.63

02:04:01.000 Yep.

02:04:02.000 Yep.

02:04:03.000 That unhappiness of just what you call quote-unquote real life.

02:04:07.000 There's been a structure that's put in place that we've all sort of shuffled into that doesn't serve us.

02:04:15.000 And it doesn't serve most people.

02:04:16.000 I have Wim Hof on last night.

02:04:18.000 You know he is?

02:04:19.000 Yeah, you were just telling me about him.

02:04:21.000 He's amazing.

02:04:22.000 But one of the things he and I were talking about, he gave me this number about, what did he say, like 7% of people or something like that do things that are creative with their life?

02:04:30.000 What, 7%?

02:04:32.000 Like in the states or the world?

02:04:33.000 I don't know.

02:04:34.000 Let's get crazy and say it's 15%.

02:04:37.000 That's really small.

02:04:38.000 It is.

02:04:39.000 Well, here's the thing.

02:04:40.000 100% of kids are creative.

02:04:42.000 That's true.

02:04:43.000 My kids, they're both always, my young kids, they're both always painting or drawing or doing something.

02:04:50.000 My older kid does music.

02:04:52.000 So there's so much creativity that they feel drawn to it.

02:04:59.000 And all that stuff is something that every kid does. 1.00

02:05:02.000 Every kid draws shit. 0.99

02:05:04.000 Every kid plays with clay. 1.00

02:05:05.000 Every kid makes stuff with Legos.

02:05:08.000 You all put things together with your mind.

02:05:10.000 But somewhere along the line, We're stuffed into this structure that doesn't serve us.

02:05:16.000 And we feel like we have to do it because we've been shuffled through school and into college, and then we're in debt, and then we have to take opportunities, and these opportunities is a good opportunity.

02:05:27.000 It's a good career.

02:05:30.000 It's horrific.

02:05:31.000 It is.

02:05:32.000 And to go back to what you were saying earlier, these systems that we've built are so antiquated and so outdated from politics to the school system.

02:05:43.000 And it all needs to change.

02:05:44.000 Yes.

02:05:45.000 And we're seeing it start to.

02:05:46.000 We're seeing it start to, I think, the way we educate kids, the way we relate to ADD and all these things.

02:05:52.000 I think so much of ADD is the current system and the way kids are confined in this classroom and have to follow these rules and sit still all day.

02:06:02.000 There's no nurturing of creativity.

02:06:05.000 So I think over time, a lot of this is going to start to change.

02:06:09.000 I hope so.

02:06:10.000 I hope so, too.

02:06:10.000 Because we just can't...

02:06:12.000 I see this with kids.

02:06:13.000 I have three nephews, and I see the same thing.

02:06:15.000 They're so creative, and they're confident.

02:06:17.000 They don't care what other people think of them.

02:06:19.000 They don't have a lot of fear.

02:06:21.000 And when they do do something creative, they don't judge it and go, oh, is it good?

02:06:25.000 They just enjoy the process.

02:06:27.000 And that starts to phase out as we get older and we get obsessed with other people thinking, is it good enough?

02:06:32.000 And is this safe?

02:06:33.000 And will this please my parents?

02:06:35.000 And like, will I be able to make money this way?

02:06:37.000 And we just get so disconnected from that childlike creativity and wonderment and curiosity and kind of no fear and faith in ourselves that we just get stuck in this kind of checklist.

02:06:51.000 Tassel-wearing life.

02:06:52.000 And I think it's another...

02:06:53.000 Tassels.

02:06:54.000 Tassels are our enemy. 1.00

02:06:56.000 I think there's another thing that we need to consider, and this is really important to people that are like, well, this is bullshit dreamer talk. 0.99

02:07:02.000 Listen to this, because this is real. 0.92

02:07:04.000 That corporate world's only been around for less than 100 years.

02:07:08.000 This is a new thing in modern life, and modern life is new in terms of the length of time human beings have been alive.

02:07:18.000 This is a new thing and it doesn't serve us.

02:07:21.000 And maybe with technological innovation and robots and automation and all the different shit that's coming down the line, maybe there'll be less and less opportunities for you to work a slave job and you'll have to do something creative.

02:07:33.000 It'll be more and more compelling. 0.59

02:07:35.000 But this world that we've structured that doesn't serve us is incredibly recent.

02:07:41.000 And it's not rigid.

02:07:44.000 You don't have to do it.

02:07:46.000 Right.

02:07:47.000 Right.

02:07:47.000 But it seems like you do.

02:08:05.000 I think?

02:08:21.000 I don't understand, like, why do I have to be there from 9 to 5 if I can, like, get this done at home, you know, at a certain amount of time?

02:08:26.000 And a lot more of them are starting their own businesses and doing the more traditional path.

02:08:31.000 So I think we're already starting to see it change because we have a generation that's huge.

02:08:37.000 I mean, the millennial generation is ginormous. 1.00

02:08:39.000 And they're demanding different things from work and making different choices already.

02:08:43.000 So it's already shifting.

02:08:45.000 It's already shifting. 0.96

02:08:46.000 Yeah, I also think another thing that's bullshit is the amount of time that's required to make a living just to survive. 0.92

02:08:52.000 I mean, how many people are barely being able to feed themselves and house themselves and they're giving up their entire day and their entire week? 0.95

02:09:02.000 And you get, if you're lucky, you get that Saturday, Sunday off. 0.91

02:09:06.000 But most of the time on Saturday and Sunday, if you have an office job, you have some shit that you brought home with you that you have to sort through. 0.89

02:09:13.000 Yeah, that, it's, the whole payment system's crazy. 0.98

02:09:18.000 It's insane.

02:09:19.000 You see, like, these Insta celebrities making all this money just by posting pictures.

02:09:24.000 And you've got somebody going to a job, like, nine to five, day after day after day, barely scraping by.

02:09:29.000 It's just...

02:09:30.000 I don't know.

02:09:31.000 Well, what freaks me out is people that just move money around, and they make billions.

02:09:36.000 Like, think about hedge fund people and people that, like, what are you doing?

02:09:39.000 You're moving numbers around?

02:09:41.000 And you're making numbers?

02:09:42.000 How much are you extracting while you're moving stuff around?

02:09:47.000 It's...

02:09:49.000 I had this conversation with this woman who's like this staunch Republican who was telling me that the minimum wage- That must have been fun. 0.96

02:09:55.000 Oh, it was so ridiculous. 0.80

02:09:56.000 She was so adamant that you can't raise the minimum wage. 1.00

02:09:59.000 I'm like, why not?

02:10:00.000 She's like, because $15 an hour, it would crush businesses, it would do this, it would do that.

02:10:04.000 I'm like, well, other people disagree.

02:10:06.000 Like, you don't know whether or not that is.

02:10:08.000 I go, do you want to work for less than $15 an hour?

02:10:11.000 She's like, well, these are entry level jobs and this and that. 0.91

02:10:13.000 I'm like, well, You're still requiring an hour of someone's time. 1.00

02:10:18.000 If you have a business and your business can't pay someone $15 for an hour of their time, your business is bullshit. 1.00

02:10:27.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

02:10:28.000 Or you have too many employees. 1.00

02:10:29.000 Or, you know, it's not set up right.

02:10:32.000 But you're requiring the person who's at the lowest rung of the food chain to take the hit.

02:10:38.000 Not the business.

02:10:39.000 Like, if you have a business and you can't even pay someone $15 for a whole hour of working, how much money are you generating?

02:10:45.000 And why do you need all those business?

02:10:47.000 Why do you need all those employees? 0.99

02:10:48.000 Yeah, do it yourself.

02:10:49.000 It's not an efficient business.

02:10:50.000 And I wonder what's going to happen with automation and with, you know, they're talking about A tremendous amount of jobs that are being done right now by people that are going to be done by robots.

02:11:03.000 And it's just a matter of time.

02:11:05.000 Yeah, so it's even more important to nurture your creativity and know what you can do besides rely on the man or the corporation or whatever it is.

02:11:13.000 Because I think a lot of people think that safety and economic security is in that, is in working for someone else.

02:11:19.000 Of course.

02:11:20.000 Working for a corporation, getting a good job, climbing the ladder, shooting your brains out, jumping off a building.

02:11:29.000 Yeah.

02:11:31.000 We don't have that much time.

02:11:33.000 I know.

02:11:33.000 This is not a long run.

02:11:36.000 It's really not.

02:11:37.000 It goes by really super fast.

02:11:38.000 I'm 49, and I feel like I was 20 yesterday.

02:11:41.000 Yeah.

02:11:41.000 It just happens.

02:11:43.000 Yeah.

02:11:43.000 And next thing you know, I'll be 59. And next thing you know, I'll be 69. Yeah.

02:11:47.000 You know?

02:11:48.000 And then I'll be able to close my eyes and hear the yawning grave.

02:11:52.000 It's coming.

02:11:53.000 It's coming for all of us.

02:11:55.000 Yep.

02:11:55.000 It's inevitable.

02:11:55.000 You've got to have fun.

02:11:56.000 You've got to have fun while you're here, if in any way possible.

02:11:59.000 I agree.

02:12:00.000 I always say that I think regret is far worse than risk.

02:12:04.000 Like, I'd rather take risks in my life than regret playing it safe or staying in situations that I knew weren't, you know, for me.

02:12:17.000 I mean, it's scary, yeah, and there's no guarantee, but at least you do it. 0.99

02:12:23.000 That's where shit comes from, though. 0.99

02:12:24.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

02:12:26.000 That scary stuff, that's what forces you to move, and that's what gets things done.

02:12:30.000 Exactly.

02:12:31.000 Every two years, I throw away my act, and I write a new one.

02:12:34.000 I do a special, like my Netflix special, I abandon all those jokes, and I have to write a whole new one. 0.98

02:12:39.000 And it's fucking terrifying. 0.97

02:12:42.000 It's the worst. 0.99

02:12:43.000 But, I keep doing it, and every time I do it, it gets better. 0.89

02:12:47.000 If I keep doing it, and I keep focusing on it, and all that terror and fear of taking that chance, It makes makes me get better at it and that's a pretty minor thing because it's not like that much financial concern and I'll be okay But for someone to take a chance Financially and take a chance their future and they don't really know what what the future holds It's not like they have all these things to fall back on That's when you fucking dig in exactly that's when you make things happen. 0.93

02:13:14.000 Yeah, like and if you don't you just you just you You just stay soft and lazy. 0.54

02:13:19.000 Yeah.

02:13:20.000 And you never really discover your true potential if you just stay comfortable.

02:13:26.000 Christine, there's people out there right now that are listening.

02:13:28.000 They're getting fired up.

02:13:30.000 They're listening to this right now.

02:13:30.000 They're jogging in place.

02:13:31.000 And they're like, God damn it! 0.99

02:13:33.000 I'm going to listen to Christine! 0.99

02:13:35.000 I'm going to take a chance!

02:13:37.000 It's good, right?

02:13:38.000 Yeah, it's really good.

02:13:39.000 It's really good.

02:13:40.000 But don't just like...

02:13:41.000 I think I just broke the lighter.

02:13:43.000 You're really into it.

02:13:45.000 Don't just feel motivated.

02:13:46.000 Actually commit to one thing.

02:13:51.000 What's one thing you can do to start shifting your life?

02:13:55.000 Is it, like I said, finding that hobby?

02:13:57.000 Is it having a conversation with your boss?

02:13:59.000 Is it going after that creative endeavor?

02:14:01.000 Just start.

02:14:02.000 That's the other thing.

02:14:03.000 People think...

02:14:04.000 They have to know all the steps.

02:14:07.000 It's like, I want to get to the second floor, I'm at the bottom of a staircase, and I think I just have to jump to get there.

02:14:13.000 No, you go step by step by step, just like you'd walk up a staircase.

02:14:17.000 So you don't have to know it all at once.

02:14:19.000 It's just taking that first step, and then that leads to another, and that leads to another.

02:14:22.000 And like you said, it's those scary moments where you find your grit, and you find your potential, and you find out how you respond to adversity, and you find your true gifts, and you can only do that in uncertainty and when you're uncomfortable.

02:14:33.000 Maybe you should be a clarity advisor.

02:14:35.000 A clarity advisor?

02:14:37.000 Like something like a psychic?

02:14:38.000 No, no, no.

02:14:38.000 Clarity.

02:14:39.000 A psychic wouldn't be a clarity.

02:14:42.000 Oh, this is my new charm.

02:14:44.000 Oh, gotcha, gotcha.

02:14:45.000 A clarity advisor.

02:14:47.000 That's good.

02:14:47.000 I like that.

02:14:48.000 It's a little wordy.

02:14:49.000 Yeah?

02:14:49.000 It's not perfect.

02:14:51.000 We're getting closer.

02:14:52.000 It's a step.

02:14:53.000 Yeah.

02:14:53.000 It's a step.

02:14:54.000 There's something there.

02:14:55.000 You know, one thing that I tell people that I think is really important and it's helped me a lot is write the things down that you need to do.

02:15:03.000 Make a checklist.

02:15:05.000 Yep. 0.99

02:15:06.000 As far as your day, the best way to get shit done is to stare at that goddamn list and say, all right, today, did I work out? 0.99

02:15:13.000 Did I write? 0.99

02:15:14.000 Did I do this?

02:15:15.000 Did I do that?

02:15:15.000 Did I take care of that stuff?

02:15:17.000 Write all that stuff that you need to do.

02:15:18.000 Do it at the beginning of the day or do it when you go to bed at night, sometimes even better.

02:15:23.000 Before you go to bed at night, set your intention for the next day. 0.99

02:15:26.000 Say, I'm going to get all this shit done. 0.97

02:15:27.000 Write it out. 0.99

02:15:28.000 Give yourself 15, 20 minutes.

02:15:29.000 You have it.

02:15:30.000 Everybody's got 15 minutes.

02:15:31.000 Everybody does.

02:15:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:32.000 And then write it down, put it on a piece of paper, and the next day, check that shit off. 1.00

02:15:38.000 Do those things. 0.99

02:15:39.000 And if you could just get in the habit of doing that, it's so easy to avoid because people love to just be lazy.

02:15:45.000 They love the distraction of doing nothing.

02:15:48.000 And saying they don't have time.

02:15:49.000 Yes, and saying they don't have time. 0.92

02:15:51.000 But that is one that has been incredibly beneficial to me is writing things down and making a list and forcing myself to check all the shit off that's on that list.

02:16:00.000 Yeah, and doing the things you don't always feel like doing.

02:16:02.000 And also being accountable to people.

02:16:04.000 Like having somebody that's like calling you and being like, did you do it?

02:16:07.000 Did you do it?

02:16:08.000 Did you show up for yourself?

02:16:09.000 Because it takes momentum.

02:16:12.000 Making these kind of changes, you have to build momentum.

02:16:15.000 And if you have that checklist and you're doing that one thing every day, and maybe the first thing you're going to do is commit to making a list every day.

02:16:22.000 That's a great step.

02:16:23.000 Once you start showing up for yourself every day and doing that and checking things off the list, you start to build self-trust.

02:16:29.000 You start to have more integrity with yourself.

02:16:31.000 You start to build momentum.

02:16:32.000 And then it's easy to take the next step and do the next thing.

02:16:36.000 But without that momentum and without that commitment, I think people just expect their life to change like this.

02:16:42.000 And we've talked about this a lot.

02:16:45.000 It just doesn't.

02:16:46.000 But those little steps, they start to make you feel better too.

02:16:50.000 Because you start to feel like, oh my gosh, I'm not doing the same thing over and over.

02:16:55.000 Because that really is insanity.

02:16:57.000 Wasn't Einstein who said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result?

02:17:03.000 I think it was.

02:17:04.000 That to me is crazy making.

02:17:06.000 It is.

02:17:06.000 And also, there's a thing that people have to be aware of, and that is the trap of falling back into old patterns because they offer you comfort.

02:17:15.000 That happens to a lot of people that want to lose weight.

02:17:18.000 Losing weight is a big one.

02:17:19.000 They start off good, they start losing weight, they start looking great, and then somewhere along the line, that old pattern calls to them. 1.00

02:17:28.000 They say, listen, I'm a fucking donut, man. 1.00

02:17:30.000 You've earned a donut. 1.00

02:17:31.000 Get a Krispy Kreme.

02:17:33.000 Just get a couple of them.

02:17:33.000 It's no big deal.

02:17:34.000 Tomorrow you get back on the track.

02:17:36.000 And you just never do.

02:17:37.000 You never get back on track.

02:17:38.000 And it's really common for people, whether it's cigarette smoking or fill in the blank, whatever it is, old patterns are really hard.

02:17:47.000 They're really hard to avoid because they offer some sort of bizarre comfort.

02:17:52.000 Yeah, they're like coping strategies in so many ways.

02:17:55.000 I mean, so many people eat or smoke or whatever for comfort or to self-soothe themselves.

02:18:01.000 And so they can make a New Year's resolution and lose the weight.

02:18:05.000 And then if they haven't found another way to cope with life when things get hard or...

02:18:12.000 Someone upsets them or whatever, they're going to turn to that old coping device because they haven't dealt with the issue underneath what made them overeat or drink or smoke in the first place.

02:18:24.000 And it's also when you're filled with angst and all these things are fucked up in your life, there's something about those old patterns that give you a big hug.

02:18:34.000 They do.

02:18:34.000 Yeah, they do.

02:18:35.000 They're like a warm, fuzzy, old blanket, but it's really disgusting.

02:18:39.000 I'm covered with bacteria.

02:18:40.000 Yeah.

02:18:42.000 That's a good way to look at it.

02:18:44.000 If people want to get a hold of you, how do they do that?

02:18:47.000 How do they go about this?

02:18:48.000 Oh, well, Expectation Hangover is my last book.

02:18:52.000 Christine Hassler, Instagram, Facebook.

02:18:54.000 But on Twitter, there's no E in Christine because Twitter's screwed up and they don't let you have...

02:19:00.000 That's not even a long name.

02:19:01.000 I know.

02:19:02.000 It's just too long for Twitter.

02:19:05.000 I'll take it up with Twitter.

02:19:06.000 So how's it...

02:19:07.000 What is the spelling?

02:19:08.000 C-H-R-I-S-T-I-N-H-A-S-S-L-E-R. Okay. 1.00

02:19:11.000 So N-no-E, folks. 1.00

02:19:13.000 N-no-E. On Twitter. 0.81

02:19:14.000 And you can find it on my Twitter because of this day.

02:19:17.000 Yeah.

02:19:17.000 If you go to this...

02:19:18.000 What is today?

02:19:18.000 Today is October 25th.

02:19:20.000 Oh, and if you want to listen to me coach people live, I do that on my podcast.

02:19:23.000 It's called Over It and On With It.

02:19:25.000 People call in.

02:19:25.000 I coach them live on the air.

02:19:27.000 It's fun.

02:19:27.000 Beautiful.

02:19:28.000 You coach people live on the air?

02:19:29.000 Live on the air.

02:19:29.000 I don't know anything about them before they call in.

02:19:31.000 Oh, wow.

02:19:32.000 Do you see them or do you just hear them?

02:19:33.000 Nope.

02:19:33.000 Just hear them.

02:19:33.000 You're going to get trolled.

02:19:34.000 I'm going to get trolled?

02:19:36.000 Trolled.

02:19:36.000 Yeah.

02:19:37.000 Yeah.

02:19:37.000 Dude's going to call...

02:19:38.000 After this show, it's going to happen for sure.

02:19:41.000 You've been getting people that really need advice up until now.

02:19:44.000 Now you're going to get people that really listen to this podcast.

02:19:47.000 But thank you very much.

02:19:48.000 I really enjoyed talking to you.

02:19:49.000 I really appreciate it.

02:19:50.000 It was a lot of fun.

02:19:51.000 Thanks, Joe.

02:19:52.000 All right, folks.

02:19:53.000 See you next week.

02:19:54.000 Lots of good stuff coming.

02:19:56.000 See ya.

02:19:56.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 25, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #866 - Christine Hassler

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript