The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #903 - Tony Hinchcliffe & Brian Redban

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:11.000 Tony Hinchcliffe hiding right now in the basement from Chris Cyborg.

00:00:15.000 This just in.

00:00:17.000 President Trump has not responded to any of Tony's calls.

00:00:20.000 He's ignored all of his tweets.

00:00:23.000 Tony does not know what to do.

00:00:25.000 Brian Redman is not helping.

00:00:27.000 I am trying to find the sound effect for breaking news.

00:00:30.000 No, we don't need that.

00:00:34.000 Cyborg, I got side.

00:00:35.000 Do you have giant icons on your phone?

00:00:37.000 No.

00:00:37.000 Did you switch the size of your icons?

00:00:39.000 No, no, no.

00:00:39.000 I have regular size.

00:00:41.000 What are those?

00:00:42.000 Oh, that's why I was confused.

00:00:46.000 I thought you had some hack to your phone.

00:00:48.000 I all of a sudden wanted that. 1.00

00:00:50.000 That's how stupid people are. 0.99

00:00:51.000 I see a different size icon and go, oh, it's different than what I have. 0.99

00:00:56.000 I want it.

00:00:58.000 I just bought a hacked Fire Stick off eBay.

00:01:01.000 A Fire Stick, an Amazon one?

00:01:02.000 Yeah, it's one of those things where you have everything.

00:01:05.000 Movies that are in the movie theaters, you have every single TV show.

00:01:09.000 Pay-per-views, too, right?

00:01:10.000 Yeah.

00:01:12.000 Everything you get.

00:01:13.000 Well, you know what those little Amazon things, or the little Google ones, those little Google sticks?

00:01:19.000 You stick them in a USB port on your computer, or on your TV, and you can stream something from your computer right to that, and it plays on the TV. How in the fuck does that work? 0.84

00:01:30.000 Because your Apple TV... I have an Apple TV. It's like a Big Mac, right? 0.98

00:01:35.000 It's a Big Mac-sized.

00:01:36.000 But this is like...

00:01:37.000 A USB stick.

00:01:39.000 It's got a little processor, the same like in the cell phone in it.

00:01:42.000 That's amazing.

00:01:43.000 I don't know how any of that stuff works.

00:01:44.000 I can barely get the TV I have to work.

00:01:46.000 It's because I was watching some fights the other day on ESPN3, and I don't know if you knew this, but ESPN3 is not really a station.

00:01:53.000 It's a website.

00:01:56.000 Yeah, there's ESPN1 and ESPN2. Those are both on TV. But ESPN3 is like a website.

00:02:02.000 So they had glory fights on ESPN3. We got an issue here?

00:02:06.000 Young Jamie's in here.

00:02:07.000 There must be an issue.

00:02:10.000 ESPN3, I had to watch the fights on ESPN3 because they were on...

00:02:14.000 UFC Fight Pass had Glory on up until this one fight, and then from that one fight on, it was all on ESPN3. So I had it on my laptop, and then I said, well, oh, I don't have a fucking Apple laptop anymore. 0.88

00:02:26.000 Now I can't shoot it directly to the Apple TV. And then I found out all you need is one of those little drives. 0.65

00:02:32.000 You stick that sucker in your TV, and it's just as good. 0.77

00:02:36.000 Oh, that's how that works. 0.97

00:02:38.000 A little USB drive and then you can do it right from your phone to your TV. I just bought an antenna the other day just to see what local channels I can get.

00:02:47.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:02:47.000 Stress signals. 0.99

00:02:50.000 I got 112 channels.

00:02:52.000 They're all Mexican. 0.99

00:02:53.000 All the white people, it's just distress signals like the first episode of Fear the Walking Dead. 1.00

00:02:57.000 They're like, I think I hear something. 0.93

00:03:01.000 Help me!

00:03:02.000 Help! 0.98

00:03:04.000 It's weird.

00:03:04.000 And you hear a gunshot.

00:03:05.000 Bang! 1.00

00:03:05.000 There's one channel that just plays Johnny Carson in old shows from the 80s. 1.00

00:03:10.000 Oh, good call.

00:03:11.000 And then there's just like, yeah, there's Russian, Mexican, Korean.

00:03:14.000 But it is weird just watching all these free channels.

00:03:17.000 Well, that was one of the things with radio.

00:03:19.000 One of the things that happened with radio is, in LA in particular, they would close down, like when they closed down that FM talk station, there's an FM talk station.

00:03:28.000 And they closed it down, and then a Mexican station popped up.

00:03:32.000 I think.

00:03:33.000 What was another talk show?

00:03:34.000 Pretty much every FM station in LA is a very Mexican station.

00:03:39.000 There's a lot of Mexican morning radio shows.

00:03:41.000 All of them.

00:03:42.000 They all sound the same.

00:03:43.000 There's always some big Mexican guy and some little tiny guy. 1.00

00:03:46.000 It's always like 88.7 88.7 88.7 88.7 You sound Japanese. 0.91

00:03:55.000 That's terrible.

00:03:56.000 That was an Asian accent.

00:03:58.000 It's definitely not Asian. 1.00

00:03:59.000 You are the worst racist ever. 1.00

00:04:01.000 This is a super Mexican radio station. 1.00

00:04:03.000 You're the worst Mexican of all time. 1.00

00:04:08.000 But when I would pass by these bus stops all over LA, you'd see these billboards that were for these stations that you're never going to listen to. 0.99

00:04:16.000 There's this one neighborhood that my ex-gardener, I had an ex-gardener who used to fight chickens.

00:04:21.000 He was a funny dude, man.

00:04:24.000 He came over here a couple times from Mexico.

00:04:25.000 He snuck over here, worked over in America, and then snuck back, and then snuck back again.

00:04:30.000 Wow.

00:04:31.000 What do you mean he fought chickens?

00:04:32.000 He used to have chicken fights.

00:04:34.000 It was not really him in terms of he would go but the other people would actually fight the chickens.

00:04:43.000 It was like this thing where all the men in this community would go and they all had these roosters.

00:04:49.000 We went to this guy's place and went to check out his backyard and he had Whoa.

00:05:17.000 Yeah.

00:05:17.000 And then they bet on who wins the fight.

00:05:20.000 And then when they win, like, when, you know, either one, both chickens are fucked. 1.00

00:05:25.000 Like, they're essentially dead. 1.00

00:05:26.000 Like, maybe if you're lucky, your chicken doesn't get totally fucked up. 0.98

00:05:29.000 Are there chicken commentators? 0.98

00:05:30.000 Someone like, and here we crow!

00:05:33.000 Something like that, you know what I mean? 1.00

00:05:34.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

00:05:35.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:05:36.000 And here we crow. 1.00

00:05:39.000 You can't help yourself. 0.99

00:05:40.000 You're terrible. 0.79

00:05:40.000 Bird fighting. 0.79

00:05:42.000 Yeah, but it's apparently a huge thing in the Mexican community.

00:05:45.000 But it's interesting.

00:05:46.000 You remember when Michael Vick got in that big, horrible situation when they found out that he was killing dogs and he had dog fights and this terrible thing.

00:05:55.000 He was executing dogs. 1.00

00:05:56.000 That shit is happening all throughout the South every day. 1.00

00:06:01.000 It's a huge part of their culture. 1.00

00:06:03.000 Animal fights.

00:06:04.000 Like dog fights, but much more so chicken fights.

00:06:08.000 And chicken fights is a weird one where you're kind of okay with it.

00:06:11.000 You know? 0.99

00:06:12.000 Like, people have a hierarchy of animals that they give a shit whether or not they're having a bad life. 0.99

00:06:17.000 And chickens are super low on that scale. 0.99

00:06:20.000 It's sort of weird that the black people have dog fights and the Mexicans have chicken fights. 0.98

00:06:25.000 You would think the black people would have chicken fights because then they could just have dinner afterwards. 1.00

00:06:29.000 You know what I mean? 0.97

00:06:30.000 Their favorite.

00:06:30.000 Well, the Mexicans eat chickens too, dude.

00:06:32.000 I don't know if I'm a racist son of a bitch. 1.00

00:06:35.000 But my Mexicans eat the dogs! 1.00

00:06:37.000 Your Mexicans eat sushi! 1.00

00:06:41.000 Sushi served on a samurai sword.

00:06:43.000 My ex-girlfriend used to live in the ghetto part of Los Angeles, and it was always so weird at like 6 in the morning how many... 0.99

00:06:51.000 It was like a lot.

00:06:55.000 That's crazy.

00:06:56.000 They just get used to it.

00:06:57.000 It becomes like norm for the community, right? 1.00

00:06:59.000 For someone to have a fucking rooster in the yard. 1.00

00:07:02.000 We were tripping our balls off in Joshua Tree one night, and it was like 3 or 4 a.m. 1.00

00:07:07.000 The sun was not out at all, and there was one rooster that in the middle of the night was like... 0.99

00:07:14.000 And we were always out there, a big group of comedians and us, and we started fucking dying. 1.00

00:07:20.000 Riffing about this, like, you know, how out of control this chicken's life is where, you know, he's such an idiot that he's balking in the middle of the night. 1.00

00:07:28.000 All the other chickens are like, there you go, look who's blowing his load early over here. 1.00

00:07:31.000 We're all on mushrooms, just dying in this premature ejaculating, basically, chicken of the night.

00:07:36.000 I wonder if he was blind and he was just like, didn't want anybody to know.

00:07:40.000 Maybe his clock's off.

00:07:41.000 He took a nap earlier in the day.

00:07:43.000 He would just jump the gun.

00:07:44.000 He'd be the guy who jumps the gun.

00:07:46.000 He felt way too refreshed.

00:07:47.000 Or maybe he felt that you guys were on mushrooms.

00:07:50.000 And he's like, they're going to eat us! 1.00

00:07:53.000 These people are crazy! 0.97

00:07:55.000 Or we're on mushrooms and this will be hilarious. 0.99

00:07:58.000 Oh, they'll love this.

00:07:59.000 Watch this.

00:08:00.000 Three in the morning, bum.

00:08:02.000 Yeah, maybe you're very present.

00:08:03.000 Or maybe you guys are loud and you woke them up.

00:08:05.000 Probably.

00:08:06.000 We were laughing a lot.

00:08:08.000 That's probably what it is.

00:08:09.000 You probably got pissed.

00:08:10.000 It's probably like a dog barking.

00:08:12.000 There's probably a bunch of reasons why a chicken does that. 1.00

00:08:15.000 Not just because they wake up, but also maybe because, fuck you! 1.00

00:08:19.000 Shut up! 1.00

00:08:20.000 I'm trying to sleep over here! 1.00

00:08:22.000 It's not bad enough.

00:08:23.000 I sleep with my feet on a stick.

00:08:25.000 Do they?

00:08:26.000 Yeah.

00:08:27.000 They perch.

00:08:28.000 Oh.

00:08:28.000 And so they sleep.

00:08:29.000 They climb up.

00:08:30.000 We have these areas in my chicken coop where they climb up and they put their feet down. 0.98

00:08:34.000 And we have other areas where they could go into a little chicken house and they could go inside and there's a little roof on the chicken house. 0.99

00:08:41.000 They fucking never use it. 0.98

00:08:42.000 They don't use that. 1.00

00:08:43.000 They don't want to sit down.

00:08:44.000 They want to have their feet on something.

00:08:47.000 They want to grab on something and hang on.

00:08:49.000 It's weird.

00:08:50.000 Because they're used to perching.

00:08:52.000 Like in the wild, their body is designed, we think of it as our feet. 0.97

00:08:55.000 Well, if I had to hang by my hands, I'd be so fucking tired.

00:08:59.000 But their hands are so different. 0.81

00:09:01.000 Like their feet are designed for that.

00:09:03.000 Like it doesn't make them tired.

00:09:04.000 It's an evolutionary advantage.

00:09:06.000 They can live in trees.

00:09:07.000 How many chickens do you have? 0.93

00:09:08.000 23. Wow.

00:09:10.000 I didn't know you had that many.

00:09:11.000 Yeah, I have a gang of chickens.

00:09:13.000 I eat fresh eggs every day.

00:09:14.000 How many eggs is 23 a day? 0.52

00:09:16.000 Depends on the time of year.

00:09:17.000 This time of year, they're making a lot of eggs because it's cold out and it's been raining.

00:09:23.000 When there's less sunlight, they make more eggs.

00:09:28.000 So do you throw a lot of eggs away?

00:09:30.000 No, give them away.

00:09:32.000 But I eat a lot of them.

00:09:36.000 If there's 23 of them, they might make 10 eggs a day.

00:09:39.000 And I probably eat five of those.

00:09:40.000 Oh, wow.

00:09:41.000 Maybe six.

00:09:41.000 That's great.

00:09:42.000 Yeah, I eat a lot of eggs.

00:09:43.000 Everybody eats eggs.

00:09:44.000 We eat eggs.

00:09:45.000 And eggs are not bad for you. 0.99

00:09:46.000 That's a fucking long-standing myth that someone concocted in the 1950s. 0.98

00:09:52.000 And there was a New York Times article about it if you're really interested. 0.99

00:09:54.000 It's terrible.

00:09:55.000 But the sugar companies...

00:09:58.000 For not that much money, for what's like in American dollars today, like $50,000, they paid off a bunch of scientists to fake these reports and write reports saying that saturated fat was causing people to have heart disease and get overweight when it was really sugar.

00:10:15.000 What about cholesterol?

00:10:17.000 It's not bad for you.

00:10:18.000 Not only is cholesterol not bad for you, it depends on what kind of cholesterol.

00:10:21.000 There's certain types of cholesterol that people have genetic propensities for that are not good.

00:10:24.000 But there's LDL cholesterol, and then there's actually different sizes of different LDL cholesterols, and some of it's actually good for you, and some of it's not good for you, and there's HDL cholesterol.

00:10:36.000 Dietary cholesterol, like eating dietary cholesterol, doesn't move the blood lipids.

00:10:42.000 It doesn't change.

00:10:43.000 That's not what changes your cholesterol.

00:10:45.000 It's like sedentary lifestyle and sugar and processed foods.

00:10:50.000 Those things elevate cholesterol more than eating things with cholesterol.

00:10:54.000 It's very strange.

00:10:55.000 And then saturated fat, we all grew up thinking saturated fat was bad.

00:10:58.000 That's why you have margarine, right? 0.99

00:11:01.000 Margarine is fucking illegal now. 0.99

00:11:03.000 Do you know that? 0.99

00:11:04.000 Do you know trans fats are illegal now?

00:11:07.000 No.

00:11:07.000 Do you know trans fats, in the next three years, they have to remove them from food.

00:11:10.000 They have three more years to take them out of food.

00:11:13.000 They gave them a grace period of three years so these companies can shift their manufacturing.

00:11:17.000 What's some food that has trans fats that we all eat all the time?

00:11:20.000 Chips. 1.00

00:11:20.000 A lot of Doritos and shit. 1.00

00:11:22.000 I don't know if Doritos, but Fritos. 1.00

00:11:23.000 Sammy, find us some shit with trans fats in it. 0.99

00:11:26.000 So those are going to start tasting different soon. 0.99

00:11:28.000 It might taste better, honestly.

00:11:31.000 The thing is, people thought that margarine was good for you. 0.99

00:11:34.000 Margarine is fucking terrible for you. 1.00

00:11:38.000 Unsaturated fat is bad for you. 1.00

00:11:40.000 Saturated fat is good for you. 1.00

00:11:41.000 That's how fucking stupid we are. 1.00

00:11:44.000 Our whole lives we grew up with shitty information and a lot of it is because scientists were paid off by the sugar company. 1.00

00:11:51.000 There's a whole New York Times article about it.

00:11:53.000 It's stunning.

00:11:54.000 You read it and you go, oh my god, this is responsible for who knows how many millions of people making poor dietary choices and perhaps ruining the quality of their life, ruining the amount of energy they have, ruining the amount of inspiration they would have because their body was fucking with them, causing all sorts of premature death and diseases.

00:12:11.000 And it's not an exaggeration.

00:12:12.000 It's like a subject that has been gnawing at me for years now.

00:12:17.000 It's a crazy, crazy subject.

00:12:19.000 Yeah, I've sort of been talking about it lately.

00:12:21.000 I graze upon it in my stand-up about how fats, something that you need, and carbs, which is what makes you fat, is something that you don't need.

00:12:31.000 But we call fat people fat, and that's insulting.

00:12:34.000 That's why I don't call fat people fat. 0.85

00:12:36.000 I call them carbs.

00:12:37.000 Call it what it is.

00:12:39.000 The problem is carbs aren't even necessarily bad for you.

00:12:41.000 It's sugar.

00:12:43.000 Sugar is what's bad for you.

00:12:44.000 And the issue isn't carbs because carbs with fiber, like some carbs, like Ezekiel bread, it's not bad for you.

00:12:50.000 And it's just amazing, though, the marketing of it, though.

00:12:52.000 You're right because it's like you're taught that sugar is sweet and sugar is good and give your kids candy on Halloween and sugar, sugar, sugar.

00:12:59.000 And then we call fat people fat.

00:13:01.000 That's the part that's weird.

00:13:03.000 Well, what's weird is if you see those photos that you saw a long time ago, From the 1920s and the 1930s, you don't see anyone fat.

00:13:13.000 You see these people walking around and everyone looks slender.

00:13:16.000 It's super rare where you see a Jackie Gleason type character.

00:13:20.000 Sweden too.

00:13:20.000 When we were in Sweden, even the pregnant women were skinny.

00:13:24.000 Yeah, it's because America has let these assholes put all kinds of fucked up shit that tastes great but is hugely bad for you. 1.00

00:13:32.000 And they've put it all throughout our food. 1.00

00:13:33.000 And they did it when we were growing up.

00:13:35.000 I mean, come on, man.

00:13:36.000 We all ate Lucky Charms. 1.00

00:13:37.000 We all ate Cocoa Puffs and fucking... 1.00

00:13:40.000 I used to love Captain Crunch. 1.00

00:13:41.000 That shit is straight sugar. 1.00

00:13:43.000 I would eat a whole bowl of that. 1.00

00:13:45.000 Like a giant bowl.

00:13:46.000 Do you know they sell just the berries now as a cereal?

00:13:49.000 Oh, God.

00:13:50.000 Yeah.

00:13:50.000 That's insane.

00:13:51.000 They're not even going to pretend. 1.00

00:13:52.000 Fuck all that crunchy shit. 1.00

00:13:54.000 Just marshmallows and milk. 1.00

00:13:55.000 Trans fats? 0.71

00:13:56.000 Yes.

00:13:57.000 Cakes, pies, and cookies, especially with frosting.

00:14:00.000 Oh, too bad.

00:14:00.000 Those hostess apple pies.

00:14:02.000 Those awesome hostess pies.

00:14:04.000 Microwave popcorn.

00:14:05.000 Microwave popcorn as trans fats?

00:14:07.000 Frozen pizza. 1.00

00:14:08.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:14:09.000 Frozen pizza. 0.99

00:14:09.000 Donuts, fried fast foods, cream-filled candy, crackers, breakfast sandwiches, biscuits. 0.99

00:14:15.000 Jesus.

00:14:16.000 Breakfast sandwiches.

00:14:17.000 Why breakfast sandwiches?

00:14:18.000 Yeah, but what about Big Macs?

00:14:20.000 This is from the Cleveland Clinic.

00:14:21.000 Not Big Macs.

00:14:22.000 I mean, what about McGriddles?

00:14:23.000 Just because you said that, I want one on the way home.

00:14:25.000 I had one two days ago.

00:14:28.000 I want one right now.

00:14:29.000 It says they typically contain at least one gram of trans fats.

00:14:33.000 Take a close look at the ingredients and you're likely to find partially hydrogenated oils in the top five.

00:14:38.000 See, we used to think that that was good.

00:14:40.000 Partially hydrogenated soy oil.

00:14:42.000 Because it's partial.

00:14:42.000 Yeah.

00:14:43.000 Or partially hydrogenated corn oil.

00:14:45.000 Isn't that amazing?

00:14:47.000 We used to think that that was good.

00:14:49.000 People would prefer that.

00:14:50.000 You would think you were making the healthy choice by choosing that. 1.00

00:14:53.000 Motherfuckers! 1.00

00:14:54.000 It says if refrigerated or frozen dough produces a texture that seems too good to be true, it probably is. 1.00

00:15:00.000 God damn it. 0.98

00:15:02.000 Yeah, you gotta make it fresh. 1.00

00:15:03.000 And that's probably what's in vegan ice cream and shit, to make it all mushy. 1.00

00:15:06.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

00:15:08.000 Yeah, whatever they did to make vegan stuff good, they did it. 0.99

00:15:11.000 Because towards the end there, I'm telling you, the vegan stuff was pretty good.

00:15:14.000 When I was doing it, the taste of it was amazing. 0.94

00:15:16.000 There's a lot of really good vegan chefs out there that know what the fuck they're doing. 0.86

00:15:21.000 There's a place called Follow Your Heart.

00:15:22.000 It's like this cool little place in the valley that you can go and get these vegan pancakes.

00:15:27.000 They're like vegan buckwheat pancakes. 0.99

00:15:29.000 God damn, they're good. 0.99

00:15:30.000 You'd have no idea there's no eggs in there. 1.00

00:15:32.000 Or milk.

00:15:33.000 There's a place at the 101 and Barham.

00:15:35.000 Same thing. 0.98

00:15:36.000 Vegan pancakes that are banana blueberries and you can taste every fucking real blueberry. 0.98

00:15:41.000 It's just one of those things. 0.96

00:15:42.000 Yeah, they make some pretty decent vegan sandwich meat type products, but the thing about that is they're kind of processed.

00:15:49.000 Totally.

00:15:50.000 I mean, there's a lot of preservatives and that stuff.

00:15:52.000 Just because something's vegan doesn't mean it's necessarily good for you, because Oreos are vegan too. 0.83

00:15:56.000 And I'm telling you, it's very true, because I was a vegan for five years, and then my diet fucking completely changed.

00:16:02.000 I mean, just steak every day for lunch at some point, whether it's in a sandwich, in a bowl of pho, Well, whatever it is, you know what I mean?

00:16:09.000 That's how you say it, right?

00:16:11.000 What was the reason why you decided to make a shift?

00:16:14.000 A lot of it was just like, I was just more gaunt than I am now.

00:16:18.000 I just couldn't keep up.

00:16:19.000 My schedule got busy and I just, it wasn't that good at it.

00:16:23.000 And it's impossible to do on the road.

00:16:24.000 It's impossible.

00:16:26.000 And I did it. 0.99

00:16:26.000 I was eating fucking the bare minimums, like french fries, and you end up out there and you got nothing. 0.99

00:16:32.000 Even if you go french fries, a lot of times that's boiled in beef fat. 0.99

00:16:35.000 Yeah, I know.

00:16:36.000 All those McDonald's ones are boiled in beef fat.

00:16:38.000 Yeah, it was just a nightmare. 0.75

00:16:41.000 But I mean, it was also, you know, at the time I had a really, you know, cool, smart girlfriend who was vegan and was cooking amazing stuff, fucking vegan enchiladas once a week that were just mind-blowing and all this stuff.

00:16:52.000 So it was sort of easy for me.

00:16:53.000 And at the time, you know, I was just looking for anything to help.

00:16:57.000 And what was the day that you did it?

00:16:58.000 Why did you do it?

00:16:59.000 I know you had a lot of influence.

00:17:01.000 We were going to a lot of great steakhouses.

00:17:03.000 It wasn't long after I started working with you and I'm just watching you eat a steak and then, you know, you're, you know...

00:17:10.000 And I wasn't...

00:17:11.000 My energy levels have completely changed.

00:17:13.000 I go to the gym every day now, pretty much.

00:17:15.000 You know, five, six days a week and knock something out.

00:17:18.000 I just wasn't like that before.

00:17:20.000 But isn't it funny, but if I brought this up to you while you were a vegan, you would just be raving about how much energy you have and how healthy you are.

00:17:28.000 Like, that's one thing that people always do, no matter what they're doing.

00:17:30.000 I mean, I'm guilty of it myself.

00:17:32.000 When you're doing something, you want to promote whatever that thing is because you want other people to do it.

00:17:37.000 So you start...

00:17:38.000 Ranting and raving about how great it is.

00:18:05.000 So I think that that played a lot into my energy and just feeling good overall was being able to survive.

00:18:12.000 Was the first place, did you go to Fogo de Chau or something?

00:18:14.000 Is that what you did?

00:18:15.000 Yeah.

00:18:15.000 You guys all went?

00:18:16.000 Yeah.

00:18:16.000 So you were there, you saw his first bite of me?

00:18:17.000 Oh yeah, I think I bought your meal.

00:18:19.000 I was happy.

00:18:20.000 It was like a holiday for me.

00:18:22.000 It was amazing.

00:18:22.000 It was awful having your friend, especially being on the road, and you just wanted to go to an awesome restaurant, and then I don't know about these options that we have here.

00:18:32.000 I was never that way.

00:18:33.000 Kind of.

00:18:34.000 No, I was never that way.

00:18:35.000 Kind of.

00:18:35.000 You would always make a thing about it before I did.

00:18:37.000 Are you able to eat here?

00:18:38.000 And I never had a problem.

00:18:40.000 But it's all good. 0.99

00:18:41.000 The point is that that first day, even after Foge de Chao, remember I was like a fucking pit bull after that. 0.99

00:18:47.000 Yeah, you called me up screaming. 0.98

00:18:49.000 Yeah, that night I was...

00:18:50.000 I hate me!

00:18:52.000 I'm eating beet now!

00:18:53.000 I'm a different person! 0.99

00:18:55.000 I'm like, what the fuck happened to Tony? 0.97

00:18:58.000 I've never done real steroids, but I'd imagine that's exact. 1.00

00:19:03.000 I felt like a fucking animal, man. 0.99

00:19:05.000 Dude, you haven't had elk yet. 1.00

00:19:06.000 No.

00:19:07.000 I've never, oh my god.

00:19:09.000 When we set up, I'm getting a new grill.

00:19:11.000 I'm getting a new Yoder grill, and I'm putting my old one at the studio.

00:19:15.000 When I'm setting up at the studio, because I have the freezers back there, I'm going to grill some steaks at the studio.

00:19:22.000 You've got to eat it.

00:19:24.000 You're going to feel another bump above where you're at now. 0.99

00:19:28.000 I used to watch Ted Nugent, and I was like, where's this crazy fucker get all his energy? 1.00

00:19:32.000 Because he's crazy as shit, right? 1.00

00:19:34.000 And he's yelling and screaming, and then he's like 70-something years old. 1.00

00:19:37.000 And I'm like, how does he have so much goddamn energy? 0.97

00:19:40.000 And then I saw he had this interview once where he's cooking this steak, this deer steak. 0.98

00:19:44.000 This is years ago.

00:19:45.000 It's probably one of the things that is before I ever hunted.

00:19:48.000 One of the things that put into my head the idea of hunting.

00:19:51.000 And he was cutting up this piece of meat and showing how red and dark it was and talking about how many nutrients there was in it and how much more nutritious and healthy it is than store-bought meat that has hormones in it and antibiotics and all this jazz. 0.98

00:20:03.000 And I remember thinking, that motherfucker's probably right. 0.98

00:20:06.000 And then the first time I ate Deer meat from an animal that I shot. 0.99

00:20:10.000 And I was sitting there eating it. 0.99

00:20:11.000 I was like, God damn it. 0.99

00:20:12.000 I feel it. 0.99

00:20:14.000 It's like an extra charge to it.

00:20:17.000 Why do you think that is?

00:20:18.000 Do you know?

00:20:19.000 Because they're really healthy animals.

00:20:20.000 If you eat a deer, you're eating a wild sprinter.

00:20:24.000 I mean, it's a wild sprinting machine that's trying to get away from eating machines.

00:20:28.000 Eating machines that literally want to tear it apart.

00:20:31.000 That's its life.

00:20:32.000 It's like, what was that noise?

00:20:33.000 If you ever see a deer in the wild, they're just constantly like, what's going on over here? 0.78

00:20:39.000 They bounce every now and then, they scare each other, and then they have to fucking chill and come back.

00:20:43.000 Is there a restaurant, at least in Los Angeles, that serves deer? 0.95

00:20:47.000 Like, even that place in Calabasas?

00:20:48.000 Why is that?

00:20:48.000 Well, you can get some places that serve it, but here's what's ironic.

00:20:52.000 Most of the stuff that they serve comes from New Zealand.

00:20:55.000 Most of the venison that you buy comes from New Zealand.

00:20:58.000 And New Zealand's a trip, man.

00:20:59.000 Because New Zealand is this gorgeous island.

00:21:03.000 I want to visit New Zealand just to look around.

00:21:05.000 Also because it's where they film The Hobbit.

00:21:08.000 You look at those scenes, those landscapes, when you watch The Hobbit, you go, my God, where is this?

00:21:14.000 But it's real in New Zealand.

00:21:16.000 My friend Remy is a hunting guide.

00:21:19.000 Remy Warren, he's been on the podcast before.

00:21:21.000 And...

00:21:22.000 He goes to New Zealand once a year and guides people over in New Zealand.

00:21:26.000 He sent me some pictures of what it looks like there.

00:21:28.000 I don't even want to go there to hunt.

00:21:30.000 I want to go there just as a vacation just to see what it's like because it's supposed to be just stunning to look at.

00:21:35.000 Waterfalls and everything's green and lush. 0.90

00:21:37.000 But here's what's fucked up about it. 0.79

00:21:39.000 It didn't have any animals on it. 0.98

00:21:41.000 These people from England came over to New Zealand and put all these animals there. 1.00

00:21:46.000 So there was very little local wildlife, and the local wildlife they had was so fucked up, they wound up killing off a bunch of them. 0.80

00:21:54.000 They used to have an eagle there, I think it's called the Haas eagle, that had a 14-foot wingspan, and they think it hunted people. 0.95

00:22:02.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:22:04.000 They think it's one of the reasons why they exterminated that thing.

00:22:09.000 Yes! 1.00

00:22:10.000 What in the fuck? 1.00

00:22:12.000 Jamie, double check my math. 1.00

00:22:13.000 I'm pretty sure it's 14 feet long.

00:22:15.000 But it's way bigger than the biggest eagle we have today.

00:22:18.000 Way bigger.

00:22:19.000 It was the biggest eagle ever.

00:22:20.000 And there was a lot of speculation that it preyed on humans.

00:22:22.000 But New Zealand has no predators.

00:22:24.000 So New Zealand has all these elk and deer and a lot of them are fenced in and then they slaughter them and send the meat back to America.

00:22:34.000 They send it all over the world.

00:22:36.000 Haas Eagle.

00:22:37.000 H-A-A-S Eagle.

00:22:40.000 It's an extinct eagle from New Zealand.

00:22:43.000 I think it only lived on New Zealand as far as we know.

00:22:46.000 Two to three meters.

00:22:47.000 That's about...

00:22:47.000 Three meters.

00:22:48.000 That's nine feet. 1.00

00:22:49.000 I'm full of shit. 1.00

00:22:51.000 God damn it. 1.00

00:22:52.000 I thought it was 14 feet. 1.00

00:22:53.000 I think...

00:22:53.000 Find something else.

00:22:55.000 Because I swear to God, something said that it was bigger than that.

00:22:57.000 You know what?

00:22:58.000 We did this on the podcast before.

00:23:00.000 We went over this on the podcast.

00:23:01.000 There was an episode where I said, oh, I thought it was bigger than that, and then we found out other places did say it was bigger than that.

00:23:08.000 Now I remember.

00:23:10.000 See if you can find one that corroborates my shitbag memory.

00:23:15.000 What should we do with this thing?

00:23:17.000 Oh, dude, I'm all vape pens these days.

00:23:18.000 You don't want to smoke a...

00:23:22.000 So if you don't have predators, they don't have bears or wolves?

00:23:25.000 They have nothing.

00:23:26.000 They have nothing. 1.00

00:23:27.000 So these goddamn things are everywhere. 1.00

00:23:28.000 And they slaughter them. 1.00

00:23:30.000 They get so bad that sometimes they have to shoot them out of helicopters.

00:23:33.000 Don't they have pandas there?

00:23:34.000 They overpopulate areas.

00:23:35.000 So they fly over these areas and gun down these stags with helicopters and leave them to rot.

00:23:40.000 What do panda bears eat?

00:23:42.000 Like eucalyptus leaves?

00:23:44.000 That's weird, right?

00:23:45.000 Yeah, they're vegetarians, right?

00:23:46.000 Yeah, pretty much. 1.00

00:23:47.000 They do a lot of raping, though. 0.99

00:23:49.000 Panda bears, apparently, they rape the fuck out of each other. 1.00

00:23:51.000 I'm not pandas. 0.99

00:23:52.000 I'm thinking of koalas.

00:23:53.000 Koalas with eucalyptus.

00:23:54.000 We are, too.

00:23:55.000 Yeah.

00:23:57.000 It's funny that you said that, because we thought that.

00:24:01.000 So anyway, New Zealand is...

00:24:05.000 Wild game meat that you get.

00:24:06.000 If you go to a restaurant and you have elk, you buy elk today, most likely you're getting it from New Zealand.

00:24:12.000 What was that one meat that you gave me one time?

00:24:15.000 It was cooked.

00:24:16.000 It was the best meat I've ever had in my life.

00:24:19.000 That was wild boar.

00:24:20.000 Yeah, that was smoked boar.

00:24:22.000 I remember thinking, there's nothing I've ever tasted that was that good.

00:24:27.000 Yeah, well, it tastes different than anything.

00:24:28.000 I cooked it for my kids the other day, and my wife was saying while we're eating it, sure, I'll take a hit of that, she was like, this does not taste like any other kind of meat. 0.99

00:24:35.000 Because you're eating a wild animal that's struggling and surviving eating acorns and shit. 0.99

00:24:41.000 It was like pig times two. 1.00

00:24:43.000 It was like pig, like a form of bacon.

00:24:45.000 It was delicious, huh?

00:24:45.000 It was amazing.

00:24:47.000 It's like dark meat.

00:24:49.000 Why don't they serve that in restaurants? 1.00

00:24:50.000 Because you've got to kill them. 1.00

00:24:52.000 You'd have to go out and hunt them and kill them. 1.00

00:24:55.000 But there's weird laws about that. 0.99

00:24:57.000 There's weird laws in this country about wild game.

00:24:59.000 And those are good laws.

00:25:00.000 Because the reason why they established these laws is because in the 1800s, we had almost no animals left because of market hunting.

00:25:08.000 What market hunting is, is after the Civil War, and actually even before that, You know, they didn't have refrigerators, man.

00:25:14.000 And so if you wanted meat, you had to get it pretty fresh.

00:25:17.000 It had to kind of be killed within the last couple of days.

00:25:20.000 And so what they would do is they would go to these soldiers who had come back from the war and really didn't have anything to do.

00:25:29.000 And these guys would get hired by these meat companies.

00:25:32.000 And they would just go out and shoot buffalo and elk and deer.

00:25:36.000 And at a certain point in time, they had almost...

00:25:40.000 We've eradicated all of the wild game animals in this country that you know today.

00:25:45.000 Like wild deer, there was almost no deer left in the early 1800s.

00:25:49.000 In the early 1900s, at the turn of the century, you would be super lucky if you saw a deer.

00:25:54.000 If you went deer hunting, you'd be super lucky if you saw a deer, and they wouldn't be a big deer.

00:25:57.000 Everybody just went buck wild on them.

00:26:00.000 I knew it was coming.

00:26:01.000 He prepared himself.

00:26:02.000 There should be a subscription box service that lets you order hunting meat.

00:26:08.000 No, no, no, no.

00:26:09.000 You're getting me wrong.

00:26:10.000 I just explained that.

00:26:11.000 You can't sell it because of that.

00:26:13.000 Market hunting wiped out all those animals because they sold them.

00:26:17.000 So they made laws, established laws that say you cannot sell wild game.

00:26:22.000 So if you go to public land, and there's a good percentage of the hunting that's done in the United States at least, Is done on public land.

00:26:31.000 And what that means is Freddie Roosevelt, or Theodore Roosevelt, in his wisdom, realized that we have all this incredible land in the United States.

00:26:41.000 Who's Freddie?

00:26:42.000 Is he his brother?

00:26:42.000 Freddie Roosevelt?

00:26:43.000 Freddie.

00:26:43.000 You're thinking of Teddy.

00:26:45.000 I know, I am, but I said Freddie Roosevelt first.

00:26:48.000 Franklin.

00:26:49.000 Franklin and Teddy.

00:26:50.000 Yeah, Theodore Roosevelt.

00:26:53.000 But was it Franklin Roosevelt?

00:26:55.000 Teddy and Theodore is the same.

00:26:58.000 No, Teddy and Theodore is the same, right?

00:27:00.000 No.

00:27:01.000 That's the same.

00:27:02.000 Franklin.

00:27:03.000 Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

00:27:05.000 It's a different person.

00:27:06.000 When was he president?

00:27:10.000 Theodore Roosevelt's the guy who set it all up.

00:27:12.000 Anyway, Theodore Roosevelt set up conservation for like...

00:27:15.000 I'm good, dude.

00:27:17.000 1933 to 45. Which one is that?

00:27:19.000 Franklin.

00:27:20.000 Franklin?

00:27:20.000 Oh, so Teddy Roosevelt's the original.

00:27:25.000 That's why they call the teddy bear the teddy bear.

00:27:27.000 He established things like Yellowstone.

00:27:31.000 When you go to Yellowstone, that's all because of those guys and the people in his era.

00:27:35.000 They looked at all this amazing land and they realized, we can't let this go away.

00:27:40.000 This is really important.

00:27:42.000 We've got to keep this Public.

00:27:44.000 We gotta keep this, we gotta figure out a way where everyone can go and enjoy this and not have someone just put a fence around it and make it impossible for people to traverse.

00:27:52.000 So they set up all these public lands in this country that are, it's really rare.

00:27:57.000 You don't have these giant chunks of land that no one can buy or sell.

00:28:01.000 In this country we do.

00:28:03.000 It's really, really rare in other countries.

00:28:05.000 What are some of the other animals that taste good that we don't ever get to eat?

00:28:08.000 Boar, elk?

00:28:09.000 Boar and elk are prime.

00:28:11.000 Parrot.

00:28:12.000 Elk is probably the best meat you'll ever have in your life.

00:28:14.000 It tastes so much better than beef.

00:28:17.000 It's just a pure meat.

00:28:20.000 It's pure.

00:28:20.000 And you're eating an animal that's eating what it's supposed to eat, too.

00:28:22.000 It's a healthy animal that's in the prime of its life.

00:28:25.000 So you can really only get it if you hunt it.

00:28:27.000 The only way.

00:28:27.000 Or if you have a friend that's a hunter.

00:28:28.000 The only way.

00:28:29.000 The only way.

00:28:30.000 Wow.

00:28:30.000 That's so weird.

00:28:31.000 It is weird.

00:28:32.000 It's weird because that's what we should be eating.

00:28:35.000 I mean, it's so un-American to not be able to buy something.

00:28:39.000 No, no, no.

00:28:39.000 You can't because we would wipe it out.

00:28:41.000 It's smart.

00:28:42.000 We would wipe it out.

00:28:42.000 But what if a farm raised...

00:28:44.000 No, no, no.

00:28:44.000 It wouldn't be wild anymore then.

00:28:45.000 Not only that, when they do that, and they have done that, they do raise wild ones and they put them in these pens and they put fences around them.

00:28:52.000 The problem is deer are not supposed to be eating all in the same spot and when they do they develop diseases.

00:28:57.000 They don't have immune systems for them.

00:28:59.000 So they developed something called chronic wasting disease.

00:29:02.000 So it was a giant issue in a lot of parts of the Midwest where they took these animals, and this is just speculation, they don't exactly know what caused this chronic wasting disease, but it didn't exist before these farm systems where they would grow these deer in these pens.

00:29:16.000 And so they put these high-fence operations up, these giant chain-link fences.

00:29:19.000 The deer can't get out.

00:29:20.000 They're all stuck in there.

00:29:21.000 And they would feed them.

00:29:23.000 And when you feed these deer, they'd be eating each other's saliva.

00:29:26.000 And they would develop all these diseases they never developed before because they were grass-eaters.

00:29:30.000 They're supposed to be out there eating wild vegetation. 0.76

00:29:33.000 That's what they're supposed to be eating.

00:29:34.000 Sage and grasses and all the different things that you see like, you know, when you see a buffalo roaming in a field.

00:29:40.000 That's what they're supposed to be eating, man. 0.99

00:29:42.000 But we, in our wisdom, have realized, oh, we can get these fuckers fatter if we just stick them in this thing and make them eat corn. 1.00

00:29:48.000 And so that's what fucked up our food in this country. 0.99

00:29:51.000 It's the same thing that fucked up the production of processed foods with all the sugar. 0.99

00:29:56.000 It's the same goddamn wisdom. 0.97

00:29:58.000 I don't think we're far away, though, for having like cloning food, being able to like, hey, we can make food nowadays. 0.98

00:30:03.000 No, they can do it now.

00:30:04.000 It's really expensive, but they can do it.

00:30:06.000 Do you think, though, it's not far away that where you could actually buy a certain, like you go to the grocery store, this is fake food, but you can buy like boar and all the game stuff?

00:30:16.000 It probably won't taste the same.

00:30:17.000 For the same reason why a cow doesn't taste the same if it eats grass.

00:30:21.000 Like, if you give a cow grass, it becomes this different animal.

00:30:24.000 If you give a cow corn, it becomes this fatty, lighter-colored animal that a lot of people think is more delicious.

00:30:31.000 A lot of people like that better.

00:30:32.000 They like corn-fed better.

00:30:34.000 Include Anthony Bourdain.

00:30:35.000 He likes the corn-fed beef.

00:30:37.000 He really does.

00:30:38.000 He's really like a fatty steak.

00:30:40.000 But he's also a chef.

00:30:41.000 He knows how to cook it perfectly and how to manipulate that fat and marble it perfectly or cook it perfectly, rather.

00:30:49.000 The marbling and all that jazz.

00:30:50.000 You've gotten to hang out with him, huh?

00:30:51.000 Yeah, a couple times.

00:30:52.000 Went hunting with him.

00:30:53.000 Does he love his life as much as I think he should?

00:30:56.000 He has the best job in the world, according to him.

00:30:59.000 Did you guys have a best job in the world off with each other?

00:31:04.000 No, no, no.

00:31:04.000 Seems like you two would.

00:31:06.000 You're like two of the only people that I know that really, really seems like you guys should.

00:31:11.000 I mean, I know you do.

00:31:12.000 I don't know him, but I've always hoped, like, man, I hope he fucking knows what he's doing is everybody's dream job.

00:31:18.000 Oh, for sure. 0.87

00:31:19.000 He knows.

00:31:19.000 And I know too.

00:31:20.000 I definitely know that I have dream jobs.

00:31:23.000 But my dream job is different than his dream job.

00:31:25.000 We just both have dream jobs.

00:31:26.000 But you guys found your own dream jobs is what I'm saying.

00:31:28.000 Oh, for sure.

00:31:29.000 Yeah, like his dream job absolutely 100% is doing what he does. 0.98

00:31:33.000 He fucking loves it, man. 0.59

00:31:34.000 And, you know, he's also like super into jiu-jitsu now, which is really weird. 0.98

00:31:39.000 So everywhere he goes, he's more into jiu-jitsu than I ever was.

00:31:42.000 He trains every day. 0.99

00:31:44.000 Every fucking day. 1.00

00:31:44.000 Wasn't his lady? 1.00

00:31:47.000 But they got divorced.

00:31:49.000 But they were super good friends.

00:31:51.000 They just lived separate.

00:31:52.000 He's on the road all the time.

00:31:54.000 But they have a kid together and they're really close and they raise the kid together.

00:31:57.000 It's not a bad situation at all.

00:32:00.000 He's a great guy.

00:32:01.000 He's a very, very, very smart guy.

00:32:03.000 And very real guy.

00:32:05.000 He just found something in jiu-jitsu and just pursued it and he's getting a reward out of it and he chases it down.

00:32:14.000 He goes to these places, man. 0.90

00:32:15.000 He's just sucking this world up. 0.99

00:32:18.000 Whether he's in Jamaica or China or anywhere he's going, he's just sucking these places up. 0.91

00:32:23.000 He's just pulling them in and writing about them and talking about them and experiencing them.

00:32:27.000 And you get that from the show. 0.99

00:32:28.000 It's a fucking powerful show, man. 1.00

00:32:30.000 It really fucking is. 0.99

00:32:32.000 Because he's somehow able to really tap into that culture as fast as possible. 0.98

00:32:37.000 Whoever those producers are that are doing...

00:32:41.000 There's a whole thing that has to go into that.

00:32:42.000 It's not like Anthony's calling places in Cuba.

00:32:45.000 You know what I mean?

00:32:46.000 So whoever's producing that and doing that research, he makes every little bite look unbelievable.

00:32:53.000 His company's called 0.0, and they're the same company that produces meat eater.

00:32:58.000 Same production company that produces those two amazing shows. 0.99

00:33:02.000 They know what the fuck they're doing. 0.87

00:33:03.000 They make great stuff. 0.98

00:33:04.000 It's amazing.

00:33:06.000 Again, for him, that's his dream job. 0.99

00:33:08.000 Me, I'd be like, get me the fuck on my home. 1.00

00:33:11.000 I don't like traveling that much. 0.99

00:33:13.000 I travel plenty.

00:33:15.000 I'm home for a lot lately.

00:33:17.000 I'm home more now than ever before, and I like it a lot better.

00:33:21.000 And I'm not working less.

00:33:22.000 I'm working just as much. 0.97

00:33:23.000 I'm getting a lot of shit done. 1.00

00:33:24.000 But all that air travel and all that stuff, that is bullshit. 1.00

00:33:28.000 You're working smarter. 0.99

00:33:30.000 Yeah.

00:33:30.000 But I just realized there's a way to do this.

00:33:33.000 And another thing that helped fucking tremendously is coming back to the store. 0.99

00:33:38.000 I'm working on shit all the time. 0.98

00:33:39.000 I did four sets here the other night. 0.99

00:33:41.000 Last Thursday, I did four sets. 0.99

00:33:43.000 And I'm like, I can do four sets on a Thursday night at the same goddamn club. 0.98

00:33:47.000 I don't need to go anywhere. 0.97

00:33:48.000 I do, eventually, I do like to do the road.

00:33:52.000 But even the road, when I'm doing the road, I'm doing less theaters than ever.

00:33:56.000 Because I'm like, I have more fun at clubs.

00:34:00.000 I like 300 people.

00:34:01.000 That's what I like.

00:34:02.000 And you get more work done by doing more sets.

00:34:04.000 Exactly.

00:34:05.000 You get more work done by doing more sets, but also the experience.

00:34:08.000 You're not going to get as much money.

00:34:09.000 But the experience is a different experience.

00:34:11.000 It's a better experience.

00:34:13.000 It's more stand-up.

00:34:14.000 You're connected to those people.

00:34:16.000 Whereas those theaters, a lot of it is really fun. 0.96

00:34:19.000 New Year's was a fucking blast, right? 0.94

00:34:21.000 But a lot of it is a show. 0.99

00:34:24.000 Da-da-da-da-da. 0.98

00:34:27.000 It's a big-ass show.

00:34:28.000 Big lighting change.

00:34:30.000 Thousands of people there.

00:34:31.000 A lot of it, you're paying for that pop that happens when the lighting change happens and the show's about to start.

00:34:37.000 You know what I mean?

00:34:38.000 Well, you're just paying for all that energy.

00:34:39.000 Because you get always a cheesy thing usually at a comedy club.

00:34:43.000 Coming up next week at the Chuggle Hut. 1.00

00:34:46.000 You know what I mean?

00:34:46.000 Almost every decent club.

00:34:48.000 Parking validation available.

00:34:50.000 They always have weird announcements.

00:34:52.000 Is there a Chuggle Hut, by the way? 1.00

00:34:53.000 Must be.

00:34:54.000 I don't think so.

00:34:54.000 That would suck because that's like the bunt of everyone's jokes.

00:34:58.000 What do they say? 1.00

00:34:59.000 Everybody says uncle fuckers chuckle hut, right? 0.99

00:35:01.000 That's like what everybody says. 0.99

00:35:03.000 I don't know.

00:35:03.000 I've just always chuckle hut is like what I picture like the worst comedy club to sound like.

00:35:11.000 Yeah man, those things are so important though.

00:35:13.000 Without those clubs, I've had this conversation with club owners before to give my thanks, because I think there's a combative relationship that happens between a lot of comics and club owners. 0.82

00:35:24.000 You know, oh they're trying to fuck us, because everybody has a story, right? 0.97

00:35:29.000 Everybody has a story where a club owner fucked you over or something happened. 0.99

00:35:33.000 Everybody has a story. 0.97

00:35:35.000 In the beginning, it's hard to get booked, so you develop this sort of contentious relationship with them in the first place because they don't want to use you because you're not really that good.

00:35:42.000 Then things start going for you, and then you start selling tickets, and then you think they're not giving you enough because you sell too many tickets. 0.99

00:35:48.000 Eventually you realize somewhere along the line, I think hopefully eventually, I did at least, that you fucking need those people. 0.90

00:35:56.000 Without them, there's no art form. 0.93

00:35:58.000 We need a place to practice.

00:36:00.000 This isn't like music.

00:36:02.000 This isn't like writing. 0.99

00:36:03.000 We have to go in front of those fucking people, and we're not going to do it ourselves. 0.99

00:36:07.000 Especially the funny ones. 1.00

00:36:10.000 You think Louis C.K. is going to open up a comedy club in New Hampshire?

00:36:13.000 Bill Burr? 0.99

00:36:14.000 Bill Burr going to open up a fucking laugh factory? 0.99

00:36:16.000 No. 1.00

00:36:17.000 Are you?

00:36:18.000 You gonna open up Economy Club?

00:36:19.000 No.

00:36:20.000 No.

00:36:20.000 No one is.

00:36:21.000 So you need those fucking people. 1.00

00:36:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:24.000 It's crazy because, like, you know, without...

00:36:27.000 And it's also amazing how each club has their own different vibe and totally different DNA. There's no...

00:36:34.000 I mean, other than the improvs, which...

00:36:38.000 You figured out a way to do it.

00:36:40.000 You figured out a way to make them all feel the same.

00:36:43.000 And I don't like that.

00:36:45.000 It's okay.

00:36:45.000 I enjoy my time in the Southern California improvs when I perform there.

00:36:51.000 Here's the thing, though.

00:36:52.000 It's not bad.

00:36:52.000 It's not a bad feeling.

00:36:53.000 Oh, yeah. 0.96

00:36:54.000 Like, if you go to do the Tempe Improv, even though it feels like all the improvs, it's a fucking great club. 0.98

00:36:58.000 Yeah. 0.73

00:36:58.000 Same thing with all of them. 0.73

00:36:59.000 They figured out how to do it right.

00:37:01.000 Because you go to every place, it's almost all the same experience.

00:37:04.000 It's a good experience.

00:37:05.000 Yeah.

00:37:05.000 And then it just, they leave it up to the stand-up.

00:37:07.000 So they have everything down in between, but it feels very different than, say, if you go to Zaney's in Nashville.

00:37:12.000 Exactly.

00:37:13.000 That's a club that's been in that form for 30 years or something like that.

00:37:18.000 Yeah.

00:37:18.000 It's an amazing spot.

00:37:19.000 There's ancient headshots in the wall where half the people are dead.

00:37:25.000 Love that club.

00:37:26.000 That's a different vibe, right?

00:37:27.000 Or the Ice House.

00:37:28.000 That's a totally different vibe.

00:37:29.000 That's a non-corporate vibe. 0.99

00:37:31.000 That's like, holy shit, look at this gym. 0.99

00:37:33.000 I love that place so much. 0.99

00:37:34.000 God, it's the best.

00:37:35.000 Zany's in Chicago.

00:37:37.000 Portland Helium.

00:37:38.000 Denver Comedy Works.

00:37:40.000 All those places.

00:37:41.000 Helium in Philly.

00:37:43.000 Yeah.

00:37:44.000 All those clubs are almost like a mom and pop organization, if you had to look at it that way.

00:37:49.000 Because they're a small business.

00:37:51.000 It's a small business that caters to live comedy. 1.00

00:37:54.000 Without it, we're fucked. 0.99

00:37:55.000 Look what happened in Houston. 1.00

00:37:56.000 The Laugh Stop and River Oaks closed down in Houston, and so did the scene. 0.98

00:38:01.000 I mean, I know there's some guys out there, and I don't want them to feel bad that I'm shitting on. 0.98

00:38:04.000 I'm not shitting on Houston. 0.96

00:38:05.000 There's a lot of great comics that came out of there.

00:38:07.000 You know, a lot of our friends came out of there.

00:38:09.000 Matty Kirsch. 0.99

00:38:10.000 But what happened was they had this powerful fucking scene. 0.99

00:38:15.000 It was like everybody thought about, you thought about LA, you thought about New York, you thought about Boston and San Francisco, and you thought about fucking Houston. 0.99

00:38:24.000 Houston was a real scene, man. 0.98

00:38:26.000 They had Kinnison and Hicks.

00:38:28.000 And it was like they had a whole thing going on.

00:38:31.000 And when we came along, I came along and I started working there in the late 90s.

00:38:35.000 And it was still echoing.

00:38:36.000 It was like Hicks was dead.

00:38:38.000 Tennyson was dead.

00:38:39.000 But there was like this bong. 0.64

00:38:43.000 Just the last reverberations of the echoes of that crew.

00:38:47.000 Jimmy Pineapple and all these guys that came through with him.

00:38:50.000 And the outlaws of comedy that they used to call themselves.

00:38:53.000 And they were looking for the next ones.

00:38:55.000 Was there an Austin scene back then?

00:38:57.000 Yes.

00:38:57.000 There was always a scene.

00:38:59.000 A very smart scene.

00:39:00.000 Austin's always been thought of as a smart place.

00:39:04.000 Because the university's there and it's a real liberal town, a smart town.

00:39:08.000 The Velveeta Room came along.

00:39:10.000 I don't know when did they start out.

00:39:12.000 I tell you what though, Houston's got a new up and coming, that new club that opened up, The Secret Group.

00:39:17.000 When did they open up?

00:39:19.000 Just this year.

00:39:20.000 It was amazing. 0.96

00:39:21.000 They did an entire festival in this multi-roomed super warehouse and they have an outdoor parking lot and they put a huge outdoor tent So we were doing like Kill Tony in one room while Joey sold out big ass warehouse like a fucking rave version of Kill Tony. 0.97

00:39:38.000 And outside in this big open field under a huge tent Joey Diaz just fucking rolling.

00:39:44.000 I mean this place has so many rooms and I believe it's a bunch of comics like Got together and bought it.

00:39:50.000 So they have a club, too?

00:39:52.000 It's called the Secret Group.

00:39:53.000 See, that's perfect.

00:39:54.000 With a bomb-ass huge green room in the middle.

00:39:58.000 But everybody's going to different shows, different rooms.

00:40:01.000 That sort of proves my point.

00:40:02.000 You need a club.

00:40:03.000 Because the Houston scene, they opened up an improv there.

00:40:07.000 But you know with improvs, the same thing we were talking about.

00:40:09.000 It's a corporate environment.

00:40:10.000 It's a totally different thing.

00:40:11.000 You're not going to have a bunch of people hanging around.

00:40:13.000 They probably don't have an open mic night.

00:40:15.000 If they do, it's probably not that big of a deal, and it's hard to get work.

00:40:18.000 One of the things about the really good places is you can actually start out there and then work, like Comedy Works.

00:40:25.000 Wendy has a whole system. 1.00

00:40:26.000 You start out there as an open mic-er, you develop your act, and they let you emcee on shows, they teach you how to bring people up, they teach you how to middle, then you learn how to headline, and then all of a sudden you're on the road.

00:40:37.000 You can actually become a comic and you can get paid there.

00:40:39.000 She has local headliners that started out in her club that'll come down there and do a week and sell tickets.

00:40:45.000 People know who they are.

00:40:46.000 People in the town. 0.99

00:40:47.000 She's a beast. 1.00

00:40:48.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

00:40:49.000 You need a club, man.

00:40:49.000 You need a club and you need club owners.

00:40:52.000 Look at this place.

00:40:54.000 The greatest of all time.

00:40:55.000 We've got to paint this room black because we're going to do more of these.

00:40:58.000 We're going to paint these room black.

00:40:59.000 And I'm going to put blue LEDs behind the comedy store like a Mexican's lowrider. 1.00

00:41:04.000 You know how they have those things lit up?

00:41:06.000 I tell you what.

00:41:06.000 You know Hue?

00:41:07.000 I think it's Philips Hue.

00:41:09.000 You can get a lot of light bulbs and then control it with apps and change all the different colors.

00:41:13.000 They have the new Lightstrip Pro 2s which are so bright but it can change any color you want.

00:41:19.000 You just sit there and go like, I want purple behind the comedy store right now.

00:41:22.000 Interesting.

00:41:23.000 It's great.

00:41:24.000 Check it out.

00:41:24.000 I think it should be blue, though, for whatever reason.

00:41:26.000 Make it anything you want.

00:41:27.000 Leave it blue.

00:41:28.000 I'm just thinking about putting...

00:41:29.000 If you have a black wall with the red behind it, it's got that red pop on it.

00:41:33.000 That might be it.

00:41:34.000 That's the move, right?

00:41:35.000 Because that's the light.

00:41:36.000 Maybe we put the light on when we're going to end the podcast.

00:41:38.000 Mm-hmm.

00:41:39.000 That's like the red light.

00:41:40.000 Like, oh my god, the light is on.

00:41:43.000 We found it.

00:41:45.000 That's it.

00:41:46.000 That's what we're going to do.

00:41:46.000 Okay, so that sign will put a red LED light behind it.

00:41:50.000 We're going to paint this whole room black.

00:41:52.000 And we've got to get rid of the interrogation lighting.

00:41:55.000 This is horrible.

00:41:57.000 Tell me the codes!

00:41:58.000 This is verse 48. This is that room where people fuck up. 1.00

00:42:02.000 Don't talk! 1.00

00:42:02.000 Even when they're guilty, I'm like, keep your mouth shut! 1.00

00:42:04.000 Why do I feel like some guy's gonna walk in and put a cigarette out of my forehead right now?

00:42:09.000 Whenever I watch those videos, I always... 0.99

00:42:11.000 You're gonna tell the damn truth, son! 0.99

00:42:12.000 I always watch those videos, and I hope those guys lie. 1.00

00:42:15.000 I hope they do a good job.

00:42:16.000 I'm like, come on, you can get out of this.

00:42:18.000 That's what you can get out of this.

00:42:18.000 Did I tell you this?

00:42:20.000 That I've been watching those videos lately.

00:42:22.000 Real interrogation videos. 0.99

00:42:23.000 It's interesting as fuck to me. 0.99

00:42:26.000 Because either they break or they don't break. 0.99

00:42:30.000 Very rare they don't break.

00:42:31.000 But when they don't break, you have to be really worried. 1.00

00:42:33.000 Because those are fucking sociopaths. 1.00

00:42:34.000 That's exactly the interesting thing. 1.00

00:42:36.000 It's like when they don't break, you're even more amazed. 1.00

00:42:39.000 Like, oh, you evil motherfucker just able to stay so calm. 0.99

00:42:43.000 You've got to look some of these up, man. 1.00

00:42:44.000 My favorite is when they admit to a little bit of a lie.

00:42:48.000 And then they have to correct their story.

00:42:50.000 And then you see them like four hours later.

00:42:53.000 And they just beat these dudes down. 0.87

00:42:55.000 They keep talking to them hour after hour after hour.

00:42:57.000 Which should be, by the way, totally illegal. 0.99

00:43:00.000 Because you leave me in a room for fucking six hours. 1.00

00:43:03.000 If I think that I'm going to get to a bed in six hours, I'll start confessing to shit. 1.00

00:43:07.000 Like, that's what people do. 1.00

00:43:08.000 Like, yeah, okay. 1.00

00:43:09.000 I fucking stabbed him. 1.00

00:43:11.000 Can I go to sleep now? 1.00

00:43:12.000 My plane yesterday got stuck on the tarmac in San Francisco.

00:43:17.000 Was it Delta?

00:43:18.000 Yeah, but it had nothing to do with Delta.

00:43:21.000 There was a ground stoppage for the first time in a very long time at LAX, which means any flights that are about to leave from anywhere automatically delayed until further notice because of weather they were at full ground stoppage.

00:43:34.000 And about the interrogation thing, I'm on the tarmac.

00:43:38.000 The delay was four hours and I was literally fighting back tears.

00:43:42.000 I was breaking as a human.

00:43:44.000 Yeah, you were crying about the rain.

00:43:46.000 You were upstairs crying about the rain during Kill Tony.

00:43:48.000 We've had a massive drought.

00:43:50.000 People are dying.

00:43:51.000 There's no water for the babies.

00:43:53.000 Nobody's dying from this drought.

00:43:56.000 Do you know how many people died just yesterday from hurricanes?

00:43:59.000 Yeah.

00:43:59.000 18. Tornadoes, too.

00:44:02.000 Yeah, maybe tornadoes.

00:44:03.000 Maybe tornadoes, not hurricanes.

00:44:04.000 One of those.

00:44:05.000 Yeah, Atlanta. 1.00

00:44:06.000 Atlanta got fucked. 1.00

00:44:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:07.000 Hurricanes, they know. 1.00

00:44:08.000 It's coming. 1.00

00:44:09.000 If you get fucked up by a hurricane, either you're really poor or you're really stupid. 1.00

00:44:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:13.000 Right? 1.00

00:44:13.000 But if you get fucked up by a tornado, you just got shit locked. 1.00

00:44:16.000 They said that 18 people died in Atlanta or whatever that was, but I looked it up, and like 12 of them, or 16-something, there was a very high number of the people were all at one trailer park that basically just got squished. 0.99

00:44:28.000 Wow.

00:44:29.000 I thought the stat was crazy.

00:44:32.000 I'm just trying to guess here, but out of the 18 people that died in Atlanta, 12 of them is my final answer on the guess.

00:44:38.000 All from the same trailer park. 0.99

00:44:39.000 I was thinking, what the fuck had to happen at this trailer park? 0.99

00:44:43.000 I didn't really get to figure it out. 0.99

00:44:44.000 They didn't have much detail.

00:44:45.000 There's been some towns.

00:44:46.000 I want to say Jasper, Missouri.

00:44:49.000 Maybe that's one of those towns that was literally wiped off the map by tornadoes.

00:44:55.000 Like, tornadoes came in like a gigantic eraser.

00:44:58.000 And you're talking about like hundreds of yards wide.

00:45:01.000 And just destroyed everything.

00:45:03.000 Just cleaned the entire top off.

00:45:05.000 Killed everyone that was there.

00:45:07.000 And just through the buildings, through the air, there was nothing left. 0.78

00:45:11.000 Annihilated the whole town.

00:45:12.000 There's a before and after photo.

00:45:14.000 It might not be Jasper.

00:45:15.000 I forget what the name of the town is.

00:45:16.000 It's probably Oklahoma or Oklahoma.

00:45:18.000 That sounds about right.

00:45:19.000 It's all in that same area.

00:45:21.000 Why am I saying Missouri, though?

00:45:22.000 Why am I saying Jasper, Missouri?

00:45:23.000 I don't know.

00:45:24.000 I might be right. 0.96

00:45:25.000 Wherever the fuck it was that this happened, whatever this town was, I had no idea. 0.99

00:45:31.000 I thought they would come down and just fuck up a few houses. 0.99

00:45:34.000 I never knew they occasionally killed the whole town. 0.99

00:45:37.000 Twister was on at the hotel the other day.

00:45:39.000 Remember that movie? 0.98

00:45:41.000 No, it was fucking cool, man. 0.98

00:45:43.000 It was pretty entertaining to me. 0.98

00:45:45.000 How high were you?

00:45:46.000 Very high.

00:45:47.000 I'll tell you this. 1.00

00:45:48.000 There was one part which I noticed in which I'm like, go fuck yourself. 1.00

00:45:51.000 Remember the part where Helen Hunt gets out when all the balls drop out of the machine? 1.00

00:45:55.000 She's like, no, go ahead.

00:45:56.000 I'm going to put the balls back in the machine.

00:45:58.000 There's literally like an F5 tornado right next to that. 0.70

00:46:03.000 Embarrassing.

00:46:03.000 There are parts in old movies that just wreck it all.

00:46:07.000 That one scene is so unbelievable now for some reason that it ruins the whole entire movie.

00:46:14.000 Yeah, no, it wasn't Jasper.

00:46:16.000 Yeah, it was a Category 5 hurricane.

00:46:20.000 Those F5s are the ones. 1.00

00:46:23.000 Catastrophic damage.

00:46:25.000 I was so obsessed with and afraid.

00:46:28.000 I was deathly afraid of tornadoes when I was a kid.

00:46:31.000 There was a whole period for a few years.

00:46:33.000 Okay, it's Joplin.

00:46:34.000 Joplin, Missouri. 0.99

00:46:35.000 That's where I fucked up. 0.99

00:46:36.000 But look, that's the town. 0.99

00:46:38.000 Whoa.

00:46:40.000 Not Jasper, Joplin.

00:46:42.000 If you look at it, there is nothing.

00:46:45.000 It is annihilated. 0.99

00:46:46.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:46:48.000 And that was an F5? That was as high as it gets, I think. 0.99

00:46:53.000 Is that as high as it gets?

00:46:54.000 Yeah, F5's the one.

00:46:55.000 $2.2 billion in damage. 1.00

00:46:57.000 Holy shit! 0.99

00:46:59.000 $2.2 billion in damage. 1.00

00:47:01.000 That is insane.

00:47:03.000 Did you see that house for sale in Los Angeles?

00:47:05.000 It's like the most expensive house in Los Angeles.

00:47:08.000 Oh, is that the one in Bel Air that's like 500 million bucks?

00:47:11.000 And it comes with a helicopter and a classic car collection.

00:47:14.000 I don't know if it comes with that.

00:47:16.000 It does, I promise you.

00:47:17.000 Really?

00:47:17.000 Yeah.

00:47:17.000 No, it doesn't.

00:47:18.000 Jamie could tell you.

00:47:19.000 It comes with a helicopter.

00:47:20.000 It's got a real house, though.

00:47:21.000 Look at this town.

00:47:23.000 It's got all the things that are a house, but it's not made for people to live in.

00:47:26.000 It's like a party place.

00:47:28.000 So it's for someone who doesn't even want to live here.

00:47:31.000 I come for one weekend.

00:47:33.000 I mean, how many bathrooms does it have?

00:47:34.000 It has like 26 bathrooms in one place.

00:47:37.000 That sounds awesome.

00:47:38.000 Bring the beaches.

00:47:38.000 Oh my god.

00:47:40.000 Isn't it weird that a car survived, but not the whole town?

00:47:44.000 It's incredible.

00:47:46.000 For those of you that can't see the image of Joplin, it looks like the inside of old pencil sharpeners.

00:47:53.000 Yeah, I mean, it's like just sticks.

00:47:55.000 It's insane.

00:47:56.000 This house comes with a $30 million car collection, too.

00:47:59.000 $30 million car collection.

00:48:01.000 It's a bargain.

00:48:03.000 So then what's that number for?

00:48:04.000 It doesn't make any sense.

00:48:06.000 They're saying like...

00:48:08.000 How much for a weekend?

00:48:09.000 It also comes with seven full-time staffers to help tend the two massive...

00:48:13.000 You own them?

00:48:14.000 I own the staff? 1.00

00:48:15.000 I can fuck. 1.00

00:48:16.000 Yes or no? 1.00

00:48:17.000 I can fuck the staff? 1.00

00:48:21.000 I want to fuck staff. 1.00

00:48:22.000 Get me a staff I can fuck! 1.00

00:48:24.000 Yeah, there's definitely got to have some hookers. 1.00

00:48:26.000 What's the Airbnb on this place for the night? 0.99

00:48:29.000 A lot.

00:48:30.000 Too much for you.

00:48:32.000 Stop. 1.00

00:48:33.000 Comes with all the pussy you want. 1.00

00:48:35.000 Tony spent the rest of his money on one night. 1.00

00:48:37.000 One night at the Airbnb.

00:48:40.000 Dubai, Airbnb.

00:48:43.000 Because there's dudes out there that are balling so hard we don't know about it.

00:48:46.000 You know, there's some royal family members that are worth trillions of dollars.

00:48:50.000 Did you know that?

00:48:51.000 When you hear about the richest man in the world, you go, wow, what's it like to have 90 billion?

00:48:55.000 That's not the richest man in the world.

00:48:57.000 It's not.

00:48:57.000 The richest man in the world is a guy that you don't even know.

00:49:00.000 Those oil dudes.

00:49:02.000 Those dudes in Saudi Arabia and the Middle East, oligarchs. 1.00

00:49:08.000 They have monarchies. 0.99

00:49:09.000 They have these fucking gigantic piles of wealth that you can't even wrap your brain around. 1.00

00:49:15.000 Trillions! 1.00

00:49:16.000 Trillions!

00:49:18.000 Thousands of billions.

00:49:20.000 Really?

00:49:21.000 Do you know this?

00:49:22.000 Oh, I know this.

00:49:23.000 Yes.

00:49:24.000 Man.

00:49:25.000 Thousands of billions.

00:49:28.000 Do you know the story of the Sultan of Dubai?

00:49:30.000 Uh-uh.

00:49:31.000 Sultan of Brunei, rather.

00:49:32.000 No.

00:49:33.000 Sultan of Brunei, he would bring in gals and pay them like $50,000 a month. 0.72

00:49:40.000 Just come on down.

00:49:41.000 And they would go for a few months, make a quarter million bucks, then fly home. 0.99

00:49:44.000 And they'd get all this jewelry and diamonds and shit. 1.00

00:49:47.000 And one little hooker ruined the whole party. 1.00

00:49:50.000 They caught her with a laptop. 0.96

00:49:51.000 She's writing stories about it.

00:49:53.000 She wanted to write a book about her experience.

00:49:56.000 So this dude, this is what he would do. 0.90

00:49:58.000 He had a disco in his house, in one of his many houses, and he would have it filled with all these girls that were making who knows how much money, just tens of thousands of dollars, and he would come out in his fucking gold underwear, and just in slippers, and just slide across the room like he was in that scene with Tom Cruise. 0.89

00:50:15.000 What's that movie? 0.92

00:50:16.000 Risky Business?

00:50:18.000 He'd slide in like that in his gold underwear and just go eeny, meeny, miny, moe and just pick one out. 1.00

00:50:25.000 And just, fuck the shit out of him. 1.00

00:50:28.000 And then the next day, do the same thing. 1.00

00:50:30.000 And he'd do whatever he wants.

00:50:31.000 And that chick wrote the story on it? 0.99

00:50:33.000 One of them did.

00:50:34.000 Wow.

00:50:35.000 Yeah.

00:50:36.000 And he was like, so what?

00:50:38.000 I'm going back home.

00:50:38.000 Do you think he wears a condom?

00:50:39.000 Is that him?

00:50:40.000 That's really him?

00:50:41.000 Yep, that's him.

00:50:42.000 That's like Pat Reagan.

00:50:43.000 He does the heeny, meeny, miny, moe, that guy?

00:50:45.000 That guy's totally covered in gold.

00:50:47.000 Look at him.

00:50:48.000 That guy's worth more money than you can ever...

00:50:50.000 Can I be one of these girls?

00:50:52.000 Go away for $50,000.

00:50:54.000 I'm doing a gig in Dubai, guys, for a whole month.

00:50:56.000 You just want to be the court jester.

00:50:57.000 Go over there and crack some jokes. 1.00

00:51:00.000 Man, that's fucking crazy. 1.00

00:51:03.000 You think he wears a condom? 1.00

00:51:05.000 No.

00:51:05.000 No condom, right?

00:51:07.000 Shut up. 1.00

00:51:08.000 Why would he do that? 1.00

00:51:09.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:51:09.000 He's just shooting loads into these gals.

00:51:11.000 But then again, he's opening himself up for possible disease.

00:51:15.000 I wonder if they have to get tested.

00:51:16.000 For possible what?

00:51:16.000 I bet he gets them tested.

00:51:18.000 He puts them in catapults and shoots them in the air. 0.93

00:51:21.000 What is that? 0.91

00:51:21.000 His giant throne. 0.91

00:51:22.000 One of them probably.

00:51:24.000 Look at his throne.

00:51:24.000 Oh my god.

00:51:26.000 That's insane.

00:51:26.000 Look at him sit there and he's covered with this thing that looks like something that belongs inside the pyramids.

00:51:31.000 It looks like a sunglass hut in Glendale.

00:51:33.000 Everything is gold, dude.

00:51:35.000 Do you understand that that's real gold?

00:51:36.000 Like everything is gold plated.

00:51:38.000 Everything.

00:51:39.000 Real gold plated.

00:51:40.000 Everything.

00:51:40.000 Everywhere you look.

00:51:41.000 Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold.

00:51:43.000 That's his car.

00:51:44.000 Gold.

00:51:44.000 That looks like it's in cookies.

00:51:46.000 Dude.

00:51:49.000 You mean a cake?

00:51:50.000 Like a cake?

00:51:51.000 Like a cake?

00:51:51.000 Cake wheels.

00:51:53.000 And that's all from oil money?

00:51:56.000 Yeah!

00:51:57.000 They have a different kind of money, man.

00:51:59.000 It's a different level of money. 0.98

00:52:01.000 See, we have this idea that, like, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, get the fuck out of here. 0.98

00:52:05.000 Those guys are broke. 0.84

00:52:06.000 They're broke in comparison to this dude.

00:52:08.000 You know, like, Donald Trump's worth $4 billion. 1.00

00:52:11.000 That fucking guy is laughing. 1.00

00:52:13.000 If you gave him only $4 billion, he would start crying. 1.00

00:52:16.000 Ha ha ha!

00:52:16.000 If he found out all he has left is $4 billion, he'd go, what?

00:52:20.000 What?

00:52:21.000 No!

00:52:23.000 He would fall to his knees.

00:52:24.000 He'd think, how has God cursed me?

00:52:27.000 With only $4 billion.

00:52:29.000 His plane has a virtual floor so you can see what you're flying over.

00:52:34.000 Of course it does.

00:52:35.000 Of course it does.

00:52:36.000 Hashtag ballin'.

00:52:38.000 Wow.

00:52:38.000 Hashtag ball and out of control.

00:52:40.000 Our ideas of wealth, of catastrophic wealth, we are so sheltered from the true catastrophic wealth because if we were really exposed to it and we really understood it and then we understood where it came from, we'd understand what the fuck is going on in the world and how bizarre the system of government we have that supports this and allows this kind of shit to happen. 0.99

00:53:00.000 Let me ask you a question. 0.92

00:53:02.000 Please do.

00:53:02.000 You're hanging out one day.

00:53:03.000 All of a sudden your phone rings.

00:53:05.000 You're sitting there cutting up some elk and some jalapenos and you're slicing up some avocado late night.

00:53:11.000 Your phone rings and all of a sudden you hear, Hello Joe, it is me, the Sultan.

00:53:15.000 I heard you talk about the podcast and I wanted to invite you over to Saudi Arabia.

00:53:21.000 I'll send a plane.

00:53:21.000 First of all, how many Ferraris do you have really?

00:53:24.000 Because I heard you have 150 Ferraris.

00:53:27.000 How many Ferraris does he have?

00:53:29.000 He might get mad at me for saying only 150. Probably might be a thousand Ferraris.

00:53:33.000 Like, for real, he's got one of the most ridiculous car collections the world has ever known.

00:53:39.000 Would you go visit him if he sent a plane for you?

00:53:41.000 If he's like, I want to fly you out for a week.

00:53:43.000 Reported over 300 Ferraris.

00:53:45.000 300 Ferraris.

00:53:47.000 Come out.

00:53:47.000 We'll drive my Ferrari.

00:53:49.000 We'll do a podcast, even.

00:53:51.000 I'll play it on the truth.

00:53:52.000 I would love to, but I got a podcast with Bill Burr.

00:53:55.000 I can't.

00:53:56.000 Okay, well not...

00:53:57.000 How many?

00:53:58.000 300 Ferraris?

00:53:59.000 He's got over 5,000 cars.

00:54:03.000 It's reported over 300 Ferraris. 1.00

00:54:05.000 Damn. 0.99

00:54:06.000 He probably bought 300 new ones. 1.00

00:54:07.000 Jay Leno just killed himself.

00:54:09.000 If you listen closely. 1.00

00:54:10.000 Jay Leno's place is a fucking riot. 0.99

00:54:13.000 If you get a chance someday and one day you get to be on Jay Leno's garage, if you get a sick car, get a custom car or something like that, take it. 0.99

00:54:23.000 Just to go there.

00:54:25.000 Or next time I go, come with me.

00:54:27.000 It's right in your neighborhood, man.

00:54:28.000 Burbank Airbus.

00:54:30.000 It's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my life.

00:54:32.000 He has 11 buildings, warehouses, filled with cars.

00:54:36.000 I thought it was like a warehouse.

00:54:38.000 I thought Jay Leno's got this cool collection.

00:54:39.000 It's a warehouse.

00:54:40.000 It's filled with cars.

00:54:41.000 No, it's 11 warehouses.

00:54:43.000 And he can just jump in one and start it, and you're driving it.

00:54:46.000 Everyone works.

00:54:47.000 They have mechanics.

00:54:48.000 There's mechanics everywhere.

00:54:50.000 They take care of everything.

00:54:51.000 The whole thing, every car is functional, and he drives them all the time, including like these 1903 tractors.

00:54:57.000 He put these things, they have metal wheels.

00:55:00.000 They didn't even have tires.

00:55:01.000 So he had rubber put on the outside of the metal so he could drive them on the street and got them registered.

00:55:05.000 They're death traps.

00:55:07.000 There's no way it can stop.

00:55:08.000 There's no way it can take a corner. 0.85

00:55:10.000 I mean, it's the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in the world, but he drives it.

00:55:13.000 He drives all his cars around Burbank all the time. 0.82

00:55:16.000 You always see him in a fire truck or a lollipop.

00:55:19.000 It's gotta be crazy for him seeing Seinfeld doing comedians and cars getting coffee and he's like, I really missed an opportunity on that one.

00:55:27.000 What he's doing is better.

00:55:29.000 What he's doing is better.

00:55:31.000 I don't want to say it's better, but his show is really about the car.

00:55:36.000 Whereas Seinfeld is like, the car is just like a set, where the comic, you know, where Ricky Gervais can pretend that he's laughing hysterically.

00:55:45.000 It's a prop, you know what I mean?

00:55:47.000 Whereas with Jay Leno, like, I brought my Corvette on Jay Leno's show, and dude, that guy... 0.99

00:55:53.000 He fucking loves cars. 0.98

00:55:55.000 I mean, he's going over every little inch of the car. 1.00

00:55:58.000 We're talking about this.

00:55:59.000 We're talking about that.

00:56:00.000 You see this glint in his eyes.

00:56:01.000 He's talking about suspensions and tires and wheels and, you know, what kind of power steering you're running and what are you doing for the interior, the bolsters in the seats of these stock.

00:56:11.000 These are custom.

00:56:13.000 Where are these coming from?

00:56:13.000 He does that with every car, man.

00:56:15.000 He fucking loves cars. 0.99

00:56:16.000 So for him, it's not even about being funny. 1.00

00:56:19.000 He doesn't give a shit if a whole show goes by where he doesn't crack a single joke. 0.98

00:56:23.000 He'll just talk about cars. 0.99

00:56:24.000 I know.

00:56:24.000 I've seen him host The Tonight Show.

00:56:28.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

00:56:30.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

00:56:32.000 I was always more of a Letterman guy. 1.00

00:56:34.000 He's way better doing this than anything he's ever done.

00:56:37.000 That's great.

00:56:38.000 He and I had a conversation about it.

00:56:39.000 He was really honest about it.

00:56:41.000 He talked about it on my podcast, too. 0.96

00:56:43.000 He's like, I used to have these people on, and I didn't give a fuck about what they were doing.

00:56:47.000 I didn't know the band. 0.99

00:56:50.000 He's like, fuck, I'm 57 years old. 0.99

00:56:52.000 Do I know this band? 1.00

00:56:52.000 I don't know this band. 1.00

00:56:54.000 He's like, I didn't care.

00:56:55.000 But that's the job.

00:56:56.000 The job was to be friendly, have these people out.

00:56:58.000 He goes, now, I'm talking about what I love.

00:57:01.000 These cars are, he loves cars, man.

00:57:04.000 You bring that guy a car, and you know, especially like a Hot Rod or something like that.

00:57:09.000 He just gets this spark in his eye, man.

00:57:11.000 He just walks around them.

00:57:13.000 He just has a deep...

00:57:14.000 Almost as much as he has a love for comedy.

00:57:16.000 I don't know if they're the same level, but it's like right about...

00:57:19.000 He might love cars more.

00:57:20.000 He really do.

00:57:21.000 He might love cars more.

00:57:22.000 Do you think he should dye his hair black? 1.00

00:57:23.000 I don't give a fuck, dude. 0.99

00:57:25.000 He's wearing jean shirts. 1.00

00:57:26.000 He's worth $100 million.

00:57:27.000 Just for like a year. 1.00

00:57:28.000 That guy's a little fuck. 1.00

00:57:30.000 He's got like 11 cars that are worth more than a million dollars. 1.00

00:57:34.000 Man. 1.00

00:57:35.000 They're all over the place in his fucking garages. 1.00

00:57:38.000 It's crazy. 1.00

00:57:39.000 He's got these old Lamborghinis and shit, these old Ferraris. 0.99

00:57:43.000 You look at him and you're like, what? 0.99

00:57:44.000 He's got a car with a jet engine?

00:57:46.000 Wow.

00:57:47.000 And is it true?

00:57:48.000 Did I hear that he doesn't spend his Tonight Show money?

00:57:51.000 Exactly.

00:57:52.000 It's all from stand-up.

00:57:53.000 Doing corporate gigs.

00:57:54.000 Oh my god.

00:57:55.000 It's all corporate gigs.

00:57:56.000 Oh. 0.99

00:57:58.000 You gotta think, a guy like that, the fucking host of The Tonight Show, if you do a corporate gig, you can make a ton of money. 0.99

00:58:07.000 I don't think people understand. 0.99

00:58:08.000 He's probably making hundreds of thousands of dollars a gig.

00:58:11.000 They're flying him out there in a private jet, he does the gig, and he comes back and does The Tonight Show.

00:58:15.000 So he would leave The Tonight Show, The Tonight Show tapes during the daytime, he'd be done, he'd fly somewhere on his private jet, do some ridiculous corporate gig, make hundreds of thousands of dollars, and fly right back, and then do it again, and do it again, and do it again.

00:58:28.000 And he's making millions of dollars a month doing that.

00:58:30.000 Burbank Airport.

00:58:31.000 Balling!

00:58:32.000 Jade Leno's balling! 1.00

00:58:35.000 Man.

00:58:36.000 When I had him on my podcast, he swore.

00:58:38.000 He was telling crazy stories about when he worked with the mafia and mafia people were threatening guys' life, these mobsters.

00:58:44.000 He was hilarious.

00:58:45.000 Did he ever hang out with the Sultan?

00:58:46.000 I don't think so.

00:58:47.000 He never put the slippers on, the golden underwear.

00:58:50.000 I want to figure out how to make friends with this guy.

00:58:53.000 I want to ride around in a gold car.

00:58:55.000 You think you do. 0.98

00:58:57.000 Yeah, you don't want to be friends with somebody that's that powerful because if you fuck up or you do something wrong, then you have somebody that powerful that's your enemy. 0.97

00:59:07.000 There's this guy named Ike or whatever his name is that owns this thing and I got scared.

00:59:15.000 Why would you say his name before any other description?

00:59:18.000 Because I've talked about it on Joe Rogan before.

00:59:19.000 Remember?

00:59:20.000 We used to do a show with him.

00:59:21.000 Remember that really rich guy that had that...

00:59:23.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:59:25.000 Let's not mention his name.

00:59:27.000 But it was scary because after a while, you're like, you don't want somebody that is going to troll you for life that is that powerful and rich.

00:59:37.000 And that's what it felt like with this guy. 0.92

00:59:38.000 Like, oh, if I get on his side where I become like a Baba Booey or some kind of Howard Stern guy, and he could just fuck with me for the rest of my life, kind of like what they're doing upstairs at the Ding Dong show right now with Perry. 0.93

00:59:51.000 They're saying that Don's dead right now. 0.99

00:59:54.000 Shh! 0.97

00:59:55.000 He is dead, though.

00:59:56.000 Shh! 0.97

01:00:01.000 He doesn't know internet.

01:00:02.000 He's listening to the live stream right now.

01:00:04.000 Well, listen, dude, you wouldn't be that guy. 1.00

01:00:06.000 You're not that fucked up. 0.99

01:00:08.000 You know what I mean, though? 0.99

01:00:09.000 I don't necessarily know what you mean, but I do know what you mean.

01:00:11.000 I just don't think you're describing it in the best way.

01:00:13.000 But yeah, don't make an enemy out of a crazy rich dude.

01:00:16.000 Like a super powerful guy.

01:00:17.000 They're almost scary to even know.

01:00:20.000 Got it.

01:00:20.000 I wonder what else the Sultans do for fun, though.

01:00:23.000 You know what I mean?

01:00:23.000 Oh, yeah, he wants.

01:00:25.000 I'd love to know what that is. 0.99

01:00:27.000 I'm just saying, if he fucks on that level of eeny, meeny, miny, fucking moe, then what else is he doing for fun on that level that we can't imagine because that's how he fucks, so how does he eat? 1.00

01:00:40.000 Imagine what he must walk into. 1.00

01:00:44.000 If his palace, if everything really is gold like that, his meals must be fucking spectacles. 0.99

01:00:50.000 Must be wild. 0.99

01:00:53.000 Uncomfortable chairs, I bet, though.

01:00:54.000 I bet he's got boar and elk just stacked to the ceiling.

01:00:57.000 I wonder what they eat.

01:01:00.000 Who knows, man?

01:01:02.000 Anything they want.

01:01:03.000 I bet it's one of those things where he probably has food shipped to him every day, so he gets to choose what he wants, and it's always fresh, and they just get rid of what he doesn't eat.

01:01:13.000 I bet it's one of those deals.

01:01:15.000 Because I bet when you have that kind of money, you would probably want to have a full menu where you could pick from whatever you want, even if it was just you eating alone.

01:01:25.000 He's probably one of those guys.

01:01:26.000 So they have to fly in fish and lobster and meat.

01:01:29.000 He's probably vegan.

01:01:31.000 Why would you say he's vegan?

01:01:33.000 I don't know.

01:01:33.000 He just seems like he would be vegan.

01:01:35.000 Why would you think that a guy who fucks all those girls and lives in a gold palace would be vegan? 0.99

01:01:40.000 Because you think he'd be all earthy and spiritual? 0.99

01:01:42.000 Because he can afford it.

01:01:43.000 Most people can't afford healthy lifestyle.

01:01:45.000 It's not a healthy lifestyle.

01:01:49.000 It's expensive to be vegan.

01:01:50.000 They keep this guy pretty low-key though, huh? 0.98

01:01:54.000 Well, he keeps himself low-key, particularly now, after that whole thing with that girl writing that article or the book or whatever the fuck she was trying to write. 0.70

01:02:02.000 After Ramadan, they have a three-day, I don't know if you would have called it a festival or something, but it says that 30,000 locals and visitors arrive each day to banquet at the royal family's palace. 0.92

01:02:14.000 Wow, 30,000.

01:02:15.000 They have a giant feast for the locals, I suppose.

01:02:18.000 After Ramadan. 0.96

01:02:19.000 Mm-hmm.

01:02:19.000 So he's Muslim, so he probably eats things that are halal.

01:02:23.000 So he probably eats a lot of meat, whatever the fuck he wants. 1.00

01:02:35.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

01:02:50.000 It doesn't make sense. 0.91

01:02:52.000 Jews and Muslims all have that in their religion, that you're not supposed to be eating pork.

01:02:58.000 What do you think about this, like Trump taking the U.S. government to Israel?

01:03:03.000 Have you heard about that?

01:03:05.000 What?

01:03:06.000 You know when we have bases in other countries?

01:03:10.000 He's going to put a base in Israel?

01:03:11.000 Is that what you're saying?

01:03:12.000 Yeah, and that's something that presidents have been scared to do for a long time.

01:03:16.000 Palestine's pissed. 0.88

01:03:18.000 Is that true, Jamie?

01:03:19.000 Yeah.

01:03:19.000 I'm sorry, I just read something that just said at the end of the feast everyone gets a cake, but he also inserted a clause into the constitution that proclaims, quote, he can do no wrong in either his personal or any official capacity.

01:03:34.000 That's in his constitution?

01:03:36.000 He gave him a cake, man. 1.00

01:03:38.000 What the fuck do you want? 1.00

01:03:40.000 He can do no wrong. 1.00

01:03:42.000 Wow.

01:03:42.000 So he can do whatever he wants.

01:03:43.000 So he has a clause in their constitution that he can do whatever he wants.

01:03:46.000 What does it say?

01:03:47.000 It's got to become an art constitution.

01:03:48.000 Trump's plan to move the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem.

01:03:52.000 Jerusalem.

01:03:54.000 We can't even talk.

01:03:56.000 How are you talking?

01:03:56.000 Jerusalem.

01:03:57.000 Take that from him.

01:03:58.000 Welcome to Jerusalem. 0.88

01:03:59.000 Take that from him and read.

01:04:01.000 Are you drunk?

01:04:02.000 Say that again. 0.71

01:04:02.000 Are you drunk? 0.71

01:04:02.000 Are you Brian? 0.71

01:04:03.000 No.

01:04:04.000 Struggling with the words?

01:04:05.000 Jerusalem.

01:04:06.000 Jerusalem.

01:04:06.000 Jerusalem?

01:04:07.000 Yeah, I mean, that's just...

01:04:08.000 That's a weird word, though.

01:04:09.000 Jerusalem? 0.61

01:04:11.000 Jerusalem.

01:04:12.000 Jerusalem.

01:04:13.000 I can't even say it. 0.93

01:04:14.000 They used to have some crazy-ass words.

01:04:16.000 Mesopotamia. 0.61

01:04:17.000 Yeah.

01:04:19.000 Jerusalem is a...

01:04:20.000 Jerusalem.

01:04:21.000 That's where...

01:04:22.000 Stop and think about that.

01:04:23.000 How about Czechoslovakia?

01:04:24.000 Why do you have to use so many noises for your country?

01:04:27.000 They do that in Poland.

01:04:28.000 But why?

01:04:28.000 In the Polish areas.

01:04:29.000 But why?

01:04:30.000 Why?

01:04:32.000 Welcome to Lithuania.

01:04:34.000 Well, slow down.

01:04:36.000 Why did you name your place that?

01:04:38.000 This is your spot?

01:04:39.000 The noise I make for my spot.

01:04:40.000 I mean, think of what they think.

01:04:42.000 We don't know what Lithuania means, but think of what they hear when we go, the United States of America. 1.00

01:04:50.000 They're probably like, listen to these blubbering idiots. 1.00

01:04:52.000 Well, they need to talk to me, and I'll just go, America. 1.00

01:04:56.000 Where are you from?

01:04:57.000 America.

01:04:58.000 Where are you from?

01:05:00.000 Czechoslovakia.

01:05:01.000 Hey man, your name sounds funny.

01:05:03.000 How come your name's so long? 0.99

01:05:05.000 How come y'all decided to put all those fucking sounds in your name? 1.00

01:05:08.000 Greedy ass sound user. 1.00

01:05:10.000 Sucking up all the sound. 1.00

01:05:12.000 Attributing it to your patch of dirt, huh? 1.00

01:05:14.000 How big is this Czechoslovakia?

01:05:17.000 That's it? 1.00

01:05:17.000 That little tiny ass thing with that big ol' fuckin' name? 1.00

01:05:21.000 That's the problem, man. 1.00

01:05:22.000 A lot of them are real little.

01:05:23.000 How big is Czechoslovakia?

01:05:24.000 Is that a big spot?

01:05:25.000 Maybe that's what it is.

01:05:26.000 Maybe they're trying to overcompensate for how small.

01:05:28.000 Czechoslovakia, big spot? 1.00

01:05:29.000 Am I talking shit? 1.00

01:05:30.000 No, it's little. 1.00

01:05:31.000 Seems like it would be little.

01:05:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:35.000 Give me the dumbest name of a country that you know of. 1.00

01:05:37.000 Nigeria. 1.00

01:05:38.000 Why?

01:05:39.000 Because it's just a joke.

01:05:41.000 They didn't know that name before they came up with that.

01:05:43.000 That name didn't exist.

01:05:46.000 Kazakhstan?

01:05:48.000 Oh, right.

01:05:50.000 Antarctica?

01:05:51.000 That's kind of a goofy one, but it sounds pretty.

01:05:53.000 Because there's not a lot of Z's in it. 1.00

01:05:55.000 Yeah.

01:05:56.000 You know?

01:05:56.000 Throw a lot of Z's.

01:05:59.000 You know?

01:06:02.000 Where's Borat supposed to be from?

01:06:03.000 Kazakhstan.

01:06:04.000 They get super mad at him.

01:06:05.000 You know, they sued him.

01:06:06.000 They are so pissed.

01:06:09.000 I bet that guy has to hide. 0.99

01:06:10.000 Those Kazakhstan people are so fucking pissed because of that Borat character. 1.00

01:06:19.000 It's from Kazakhstan. 0.98

01:06:20.000 Could you imagine if there's like one guy who was doing this character of your tiny little country and it is a fucking huge smash comedy hit that this... 0.99

01:06:33.000 Complete retard. 1.00

01:06:35.000 Just representing your country and just fucking up everything. 1.00

01:06:39.000 You know, like, remember when he did that movie? 0.99

01:06:40.000 And I asked him where to go to the bathroom, and he took a shit in a bag, then he handed the lady the bag, trying to get it. 0.99

01:06:46.000 Like, what do I do with this? 0.98

01:06:48.000 And she's like, well, what's that? 1.00

01:06:50.000 This is my shit. 1.00

01:06:51.000 What do I do? 1.00

01:06:52.000 Do you see his new one?

01:06:54.000 No.

01:06:54.000 I heard there's a scene in it that's really worth the whole movie.

01:06:59.000 Which one is his new one?

01:07:01.000 The one where he's a tennis player or something like that.

01:07:04.000 The problem with those is that those are comedies.

01:07:08.000 What I like is the stuff that's illegal now.

01:07:11.000 Yeah.

01:07:12.000 The stuff that he used to do that he kept getting sued for. 1.00

01:07:15.000 That's the best shit. 0.99

01:07:16.000 Jackass was on the other night on the front porch after the roast battle, and just watching Jackass, I miss that. 1.00

01:07:22.000 There's something to that.

01:07:24.000 So funny. 0.99

01:07:25.000 Just seeing people getting fucked up. 0.99

01:07:27.000 It's one of the funniest things. 0.99

01:07:29.000 It's just undeniably funny.

01:07:30.000 It's unbelievable.

01:07:32.000 Yeah, it's instinctual.

01:07:33.000 It's like in your system. 0.97

01:07:36.000 I remember, I'll never forget this one, where they had this big hand on a spring that would give guys high fives, and it would come out of nowhere and just fucking nail you and send you flying across the room. 0.89

01:07:48.000 And they had bags of flour on it, so when it hit, it blew up the flour. 0.96

01:07:52.000 Yeah, it would hit you in the face and blow you up with flour, and it was fucking huge. 0.98

01:07:56.000 It would knock people over. 0.98

01:07:58.000 They're all amazing. 0.99

01:07:59.000 I love Jackass so fucking much. 0.92

01:08:02.000 And I stumbled across Jackass 2.5 recently, which is basically all the footage that they didn't get a chance to use or that was too edgy or came out too extreme for their MTV show Wild Boys. 0.91

01:08:16.000 Because it turns out that they had to like...

01:08:18.000 Have it ready for MTV. It was just different than the shit they were really pulling at this level. 0.99

01:08:24.000 So anything in which the network heads were like, we can't air that on MTV2 or whatever the fuck Wild Boys was on. 0.99

01:08:31.000 They just turned it into this super movie of shit that was literally too fucking good for MTV and the show Wild Boys at the time. 0.98

01:08:40.000 What's it called? 0.99

01:08:42.000 It's Jackass 2.5. 0.99

01:08:44.000 And remember, they're doing Wild Boys, which is more like they're out in the safaris and the deserts with cheetahs and fucking everything. 0.99

01:08:52.000 They had a ham. 0.99

01:08:54.000 They were playing keep-away with hyenas with a ham. 0.99

01:08:56.000 Do you know how fucking scary that is? 0.99

01:08:59.000 No. 1.00

01:09:00.000 Hyenas will kill you. 1.00

01:09:02.000 They're huge. 0.99

01:09:03.000 They're like 200-pound wild dogs that crush bones with their teeth.

01:09:08.000 And they're playing keep away with them.

01:09:09.000 Wild hyenas with a ham.

01:09:11.000 They're standing right in front of them with no fence, no protection. 0.99

01:09:15.000 Those guys are fucking hilarious. 1.00

01:09:17.000 They're insane. 0.99

01:09:18.000 And the other thing about Jackass 2.5 is there's ones that were also like, you could tell a couple of them were just so disgusting that they couldn't put it on MTV. Like my favorite fucking one. 1.00

01:09:28.000 And it just like, I was dying of laughter. 1.00

01:09:31.000 I was howling like an animal.

01:09:34.000 All of a sudden, they're sort of explaining, we met this one guy who has the world's longest fingernails.

01:09:40.000 We didn't know what we were going to do with them.

01:09:42.000 Another cool thing about 2.5 is it's sort of more documentary style because they're laughing about all this footage.

01:09:48.000 Is that the guy from India?

01:09:49.000 He has these crazy curly fingernails. 0.87

01:09:51.000 Super duper long fingernails.

01:09:52.000 They're like, we didn't end up knowing what to do with this guy.

01:09:56.000 Steve-O had this one idea and then that was it.

01:10:02.000 We're good to go.

01:10:17.000 Hello, I am...

01:10:18.000 This is Miller time.

01:10:20.000 And you see him just start to pour the beer on the back of his hand that's just hanging there.

01:10:25.000 The back of his hand that has the fingernails on it.

01:10:27.000 Right, and all the beer starts rolling down his fingernails, and as the camera pans out, you just start to hear like...

01:10:35.000 You just start to hear that noise, and as it pans out, you see Steve-O's laying on his back, on the ground, underneath him, and all that Miller beer is rolling down these fingernails.

01:10:46.000 I was screaming.

01:10:49.000 I was screaming by myself in my apartment watching this.

01:10:56.000 Dying of laughter.

01:10:57.000 There it is.

01:10:58.000 Jamie's got it.

01:10:58.000 He just goes, this is Miller time.

01:11:01.000 But you hear Steve-O gagging before the camera even gets there. 0.97

01:11:05.000 It's so fucking funny. 0.96

01:11:07.000 Look how long his nails are. 0.98

01:11:09.000 And there's so much.

01:11:09.000 Look how it went.

01:11:12.000 Oh my god.

01:11:15.000 And he's gagging and throwing up.

01:11:17.000 Oh my god.

01:11:19.000 Watch how much he throws up.

01:11:21.000 Oh, it's about to get great right now.

01:11:25.000 He's hurling.

01:11:26.000 He's hurling. 0.99

01:11:28.000 These Indian girls are so grossed out. 1.00

01:11:30.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:11:31.000 Oh my god.

01:11:32.000 Look at the pile of vomit in front of them.

01:11:34.000 It's huge.

01:11:36.000 That's the worst. 0.94

01:11:37.000 Steve-O is crazy. 0.52

01:11:38.000 It's so interesting seeing him sober now.

01:11:40.000 Yeah.

01:11:41.000 He's a fun guy.

01:11:42.000 I really like that guy a lot.

01:11:44.000 You know who was not sober?

01:11:45.000 Andy Dick the other day.

01:11:46.000 Ooh.

01:11:47.000 Told you.

01:11:47.000 Dave Chappelle.

01:11:48.000 Ooh.

01:11:49.000 It was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen in my life.

01:11:52.000 Why'd they let Andy in if he was drinking?

01:11:53.000 I don't know.

01:11:54.000 You know what, man?

01:11:55.000 I knew that was going to happen.

01:11:56.000 He stole Dave's beer.

01:11:58.000 He heckled him the whole time.

01:11:59.000 Three times.

01:11:59.000 Stole three beers.

01:12:00.000 He stole my last call.

01:12:01.000 Like, I got, like, last call and I got a drink.

01:12:03.000 He was annoying and aggressive.

01:12:05.000 Listen, man, that's why I didn't have him on again.

01:12:07.000 I was telling you, this is not going to last.

01:12:11.000 This is temporary.

01:12:12.000 The sobriety thing, working on sobriety.

01:12:15.000 He's a slingshot, and he pulled that slingshot back, and then he's eventually got to let it go.

01:12:20.000 I don't know why.

01:12:21.000 I don't understand sobriety. 0.96

01:12:23.000 I don't understand people that go off the rails like he does, where they get that fucked up and that crazy, but he's got it, whatever that is. 0.92

01:12:30.000 You worked with him all the way back? 1.00

01:12:32.000 Fuck yeah, man. 1.00

01:12:33.000 I worked with him for five years. 1.00

01:12:34.000 And was he always that way?

01:12:36.000 Always that way.

01:12:36.000 Party machine.

01:12:37.000 A lot of it is, I really honestly believe this, and maybe Andy would probably agree with me, I think some shit happened to him when he was a child. 0.98

01:12:44.000 And I think he battles that. 0.96

01:12:47.000 And I think, he has a real issue, man.

01:12:50.000 He's talked about it before.

01:12:52.000 I'm not revealing anything that he hasn't said already, but he doesn't remember a lot of his childhood.

01:12:56.000 Hmm.

01:12:56.000 Like a lot of it.

01:12:57.000 It's blocked it out.

01:12:58.000 And he's got a substance problem.

01:13:00.000 He has it more than anybody I've ever met in terms of like he gets it and then that switch goes off and he's gone.

01:13:07.000 He's off to the races.

01:13:08.000 And he's a sweet guy. 0.99

01:13:09.000 And he's a fucking talented guy. 0.97

01:13:11.000 He's a really funny guy. 0.99

01:13:13.000 Andy and I, we did scenes together where we had to do three, four, and five takes because I couldn't stop laughing.

01:13:18.000 I was holding it in as much as I can.

01:13:21.000 He's a really funny guy. 0.99

01:13:22.000 As shit-faced and as negative and annoying as he was the other night, he was still sort of killing it through this glaze of just annoyance. 0.98

01:13:31.000 He's funny, man. 0.99

01:13:32.000 He's talented.

01:13:32.000 Of course it was like he was just the Scottie Pippen as Chappelle's Jordan because he was literally heckling Chappelle while he's on stage.

01:13:38.000 That's fucked up. 0.99

01:13:39.000 They shouldn't have let him do that. 1.00

01:13:40.000 Do it again! 0.79

01:13:41.000 They should have kicked him out.

01:13:42.000 Yeah, they totally should have.

01:13:43.000 You can't do that.

01:13:44.000 You can't do that. 1.00

01:13:45.000 And then they try to fuck our friend. 1.00

01:13:47.000 Ha ha ha! 1.00

01:13:50.000 The first five times I met Andy, he was completely shit-faced and obsessed with trying to fuck me. 1.00

01:13:56.000 I'm like, okay, nice to meet you again, Andy. 1.00

01:13:58.000 And that was it. 0.96

01:13:59.000 And then the last few times, he was sober and fucking awesome. 0.97

01:14:04.000 Really great guy. 0.80

01:14:05.000 And then I saw him for the first time since that the other night, and he's sitting in a chair right in the back bar area, like where the employees are.

01:14:13.000 He's the only one just sitting there in a chair.

01:14:14.000 And I'm like, oh, I... I wonder what happened to Annie as I'm walking up all in one motion.

01:14:19.000 As I get closer, I see that at the same time he's licking somebody's arm that he's with, just licking their arm up and down.

01:14:26.000 And I'm like, oh no, he's not sober anymore.

01:14:30.000 Like his variation of sobriety and not sober, I've never seen him like getting drunk or having a drink. 0.99

01:14:37.000 I've only seen him absolutely at a thousand miles an hour shit-faced and aggressively sexual continuously. 0.98

01:14:45.000 Or Very nice dude. 0.99

01:14:47.000 It's so weird.

01:14:48.000 I think he's a nice dude.

01:14:49.000 I think he's a nice dude.

01:14:50.000 I think he really is a good guy.

01:14:52.000 I think Andy's a very good guy.

01:14:53.000 He's just a very good guy that does not get along with substances, and he needs them for whatever reason.

01:14:58.000 He's drawn to them.

01:15:00.000 I don't know what you do to cure someone of that.

01:15:05.000 Even if I knew what to cure one person, I think everybody has their own individual answer for that.

01:15:12.000 And I think for some people, they just don't want to ever get completely free.

01:15:19.000 Or they do, and then they don't. 0.98

01:15:20.000 They get bored, or they can't take it anymore, or whatever the fuck it is. 0.95

01:15:24.000 But isn't it weird that when somebody does start drinking, it's never just like a little bit. 0.96

01:15:30.000 It's never like, oh, I start drinking, I shouldn't be drinking, I have a little buzz.

01:15:34.000 It's just like opposite.

01:15:37.000 Yeah, I think it's a genetic thing too, man.

01:15:40.000 There's something about that alcohol that you either got that thing or you don't. 0.99

01:15:46.000 I'm sitting here, I've only had water tonight, and I'm looking at your drink, and I've had drinks, but I'm not going, I need a fucking drink, I need a fucking drink. 0.99

01:15:55.000 Some people, they look at that goddamn drink and they just feel it. 1.00

01:15:58.000 They smell it. 1.00

01:16:00.000 They smell that whiskey in the air and just go, fuck it. 1.00

01:16:04.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:16:04.000 It just starts pulling at you. 1.00

01:16:06.000 And then you want it. 1.00

01:16:06.000 And then you just say, fuck it. 1.00

01:16:07.000 It's just one shot. 1.00

01:16:08.000 Just one shot.

01:16:09.000 Boom.

01:16:09.000 And they throw it down.

01:16:10.000 And then...

01:16:11.000 Off to the races.

01:16:14.000 Tate says that's him.

01:16:16.000 You could tell anyone that's stopped drinking has started drinking Red Bull or Starbucks all day.

01:16:23.000 The strongest coffee.

01:16:25.000 In San Francisco, Starbucks has this new nitro coffee.

01:16:31.000 It's like having them pour you a pint.

01:16:35.000 It's amazing.

01:16:36.000 A lot of companies are making that now.

01:16:37.000 It's nitrogenated coffee.

01:16:39.000 It's amazing.

01:16:40.000 I only had half of a grande and I was like, oh my god, I feel like I'm on drugs.

01:16:44.000 Yeah, we have those caveman ones.

01:16:46.000 Caveman coffee, they're small.

01:16:47.000 They're tiny.

01:16:48.000 And they have 270 milligrams of caffeine.

01:16:52.000 Is that a lot?

01:16:53.000 It's a lot.

01:16:54.000 It's way more than a venti Starbucks.

01:16:56.000 Tate drinks five, six of those at a time.

01:17:00.000 Because he doesn't drink. 1.00

01:17:02.000 He's also fucking 250 pounds. 0.99

01:17:05.000 So it's got more room to distribute over his body. 1.00

01:17:09.000 But yeah, he gets fucking wired on those goddamn things. 1.00

01:17:12.000 You get super excited. 1.00

01:17:13.000 God, I love caffeine so much.

01:17:15.000 Great!

01:17:16.000 Of all the things you can be addicted to, that one's the most productive and the least destructive. 0.99

01:17:20.000 It doesn't fuck you up to the point where you make shit decisions or get in car accidents or anything. 0.97

01:17:26.000 I think I've done so much caffeine, I don't feel like I feel it. 0.98

01:17:30.000 You definitely don't as much.

01:17:31.000 Yeah.

01:17:32.000 It seems so muted with caffeine.

01:17:34.000 Well that's why people who use it for performance enhancing purposes, they like to not use caffeine during the day normally and then take caffeine before they work out.

01:17:44.000 Like say if they have a wrestling match or something like that, a lot of guys will do that, they'll have no caffeine in their diet and then right before they go and fight or something like that, they'll take a caffeine pill.

01:17:54.000 And then they get the full effects of it.

01:17:56.000 Because of the fact that you're not...

01:17:58.000 Like, how often do we smoke pot?

01:18:00.000 If we got anybody that doesn't smoke pot down here with us, and we were hitting the same weed that we're hitting, they would freak out.

01:18:06.000 We've seen it.

01:18:07.000 You've seen it before.

01:18:08.000 We've seen it before.

01:18:09.000 I mean, how many times have we gotten somebody high?

01:18:11.000 Like, do you get high?

01:18:12.000 And they're like, well, I'll try it. 0.95

01:18:14.000 What the hell?

01:18:14.000 Like, okay.

01:18:15.000 They take a big hit, and they take a second hit, and like, you're gone!

01:18:19.000 It's over!

01:18:20.000 I once had a buddy.

01:18:21.000 I thought he was dying for a second after smoking Cali weed for the first time.

01:18:25.000 He started shaking.

01:18:28.000 He looked like he was getting electrocuted for a minute.

01:18:30.000 Dude, we've done that to people so many times.

01:18:33.000 You want in?

01:18:34.000 Come on in.

01:18:35.000 But it's just way too strong.

01:18:37.000 For us, it's nothing.

01:18:38.000 We do it all the time, so it's normal.

01:18:40.000 And your body builds up this tolerance.

01:18:42.000 But if you don't have that tolerance, you get hit with it.

01:18:45.000 Terrence McKinney used to say that's the best way to smoke weed.

01:18:48.000 He said the best way to do it is to don't do it at all for a long time and then do as much as you can stand.

01:18:56.000 It's like then it becomes very, very psychedelic.

01:19:00.000 His thought was that we abuse marijuana.

01:19:03.000 He was guilty of it himself, he said.

01:19:05.000 It's one of the things he was talking about.

01:19:06.000 He's like, before you listen to this, I am a confessed cannabis addict.

01:19:11.000 He goes, I smoke cannabis every day, all day, and I smoke it at night. 1.00

01:19:14.000 But honestly, I think the way to do it is to take a long time off And then smoke your fucking brains out. 0.99

01:19:22.000 Just take like weeks off. 0.99

01:19:24.000 Bring your body completely back to baseline and then just...

01:19:29.000 I don't know about that.

01:19:31.000 I take two days off and it feels like if I smoke it, it's back to baseline.

01:19:35.000 It's that fast of a recovery.

01:19:37.000 I don't want to take two days off.

01:19:38.000 How often do you guys go on stage without it?

01:19:41.000 I try to most of the time.

01:19:43.000 Do you struggle talking when you go on stage when you're too high?

01:19:47.000 I stutter or I lose my train of thought.

01:19:51.000 If I'm going to go to that bit now, then I'll forget.

01:19:56.000 I'm like, wait, what was I just thinking?

01:19:58.000 It's memory for most of me.

01:20:00.000 Especially with Pete's weed, I find that if I don't smoke Pete's weed, I actually remember everything I did that night.

01:20:06.000 But if I do smoke Pete's weed, I don't remember anything I did that night.

01:20:10.000 And I used to always think it was alcohol-based, but I've been trying it, experimenting.

01:20:14.000 I smoke the same weed, and I remember everything.

01:20:17.000 I smoke a lot of Pete's weed, and it just blocks my memory.

01:20:22.000 Men in Black Kush. 0.86

01:20:24.000 The memory eraser.

01:20:26.000 Yeah, well, it definitely has a different effect on everybody, man.

01:20:30.000 There's no doubt about that, because you'll hear some people talk about pot, and you're like, what are you experiencing?

01:20:36.000 I almost want to be in your body.

01:20:38.000 I roasted Snoop Dogg a few weeks ago, maybe a little over a month ago, and hanging out with him, I've hung out with him a few times, but this time it was...

01:20:47.000 We're good to go. 0.96

01:21:07.000 Afterwards, we were kicking it like hard fucking core, right? 0.97

01:21:11.000 Because I had just like honored the shit out of him basically in front of all of his friends in this big cool theater in LA. So, you know, we were hanging and all this stuff. 0.98

01:21:20.000 And ever since then, he inspired me to smoke more weed.

01:21:23.000 Not by saying anything, but just sort of like watching him operate and just realizing like, wow, this guy...

01:21:31.000 Just stays laughing and creative all the time.

01:21:35.000 Because it never shuts off for him.

01:21:37.000 Every time I've ever been around him, he's always just riffing and always by far the funniest non-comedian I've ever met or worked with.

01:21:45.000 By far.

01:21:46.000 You ever hang out with Snoop?

01:21:48.000 No, never met him. 0.99

01:21:50.000 You would fucking love him. 0.99

01:21:53.000 You guys would click. 0.99

01:21:54.000 You guys, crossing the streams, would be unbelievable.

01:21:58.000 Because he gets it, man. 0.99

01:22:00.000 He's cool as fuck. 1.00

01:22:01.000 Him and Martha Stewart is the best combination in the world. 1.00

01:22:05.000 Don't they have a show?

01:22:06.000 Yeah, together.

01:22:07.000 They have a cooking show together.

01:22:08.000 It's the best combo.

01:22:10.000 They just have a killer cooking show together.

01:22:13.000 And is it on TV? Is it regular?

01:22:16.000 It's a regular show?

01:22:16.000 You know who does it?

01:22:18.000 Who?

01:22:18.000 Chris McGuire.

01:22:19.000 No shit! 1.00

01:22:20.000 Really? 1.00

01:22:21.000 No shit! 1.00

01:22:22.000 One of the roast jokes that I did on Snoop was that he has a cooking show with Martha and when asked what it's like to work with a 75 year old lady, Martha said, not that bad. 1.00

01:22:33.000 It's amazing though.

01:22:34.000 I've seen the clip of it.

01:22:36.000 I just put it up on YouTube a couple days ago.

01:22:39.000 I tweeted about it, but ever since watching it, actually having the clip, when it cuts back, every time it cuts back to Snoop laughing, my brain is like, I still can't believe that it happened.

01:22:53.000 That's Snoop laughing.

01:22:55.000 Right, right, that you actually did roast him. 0.98

01:22:57.000 It's so fucking weird. 0.99

01:22:58.000 Wow. 0.96

01:22:59.000 But anyway, I've doubled my pot intake since this episode.

01:23:04.000 Snoop thing.

01:23:04.000 And I was already a very regular, daily, pretty much once I get the bulk of work done in the afternoon, whether I'm writing or just whatever I have to do...

01:23:16.000 Or book or whatever responsibilities I have, it's on.

01:23:20.000 Yeah, I'm a fan.

01:23:21.000 Yeah, and then I work out a few hours later, and then I do it again.

01:23:25.000 I just keep smoking throughout the night after that.

01:23:27.000 Good for you.

01:23:28.000 Good for you.

01:23:28.000 It works.

01:23:29.000 I approve.

01:23:30.000 I approve of this message.

01:23:31.000 It works for me.

01:23:32.000 Yeah.

01:23:33.000 Why not, man?

01:23:34.000 As long as it works.

01:23:35.000 If you decide at one point that it doesn't work anymore and you want to switch it up, sometimes that happens too in your life.

01:23:41.000 You get tired of a certain pattern.

01:23:44.000 It might be a different kind of workout you're doing or whatever it is, but just changing things a little bit, changing certain aspects of your life, just a little bit of a turn, a little deviation, something new, a little something different.

01:23:57.000 This could be huge for your brain.

01:23:59.000 You start thinking of things different.

01:24:02.000 I emptied my house out recently.

01:24:05.000 Just decided to pack everything up.

01:24:06.000 I got a storage unit and I put everything in the storage unit.

01:24:09.000 It's weird though.

01:24:10.000 We were talking at Kill Tony about how people lived in their cars.

01:24:14.000 I didn't know that there's a whole thing of homeless people that have storage units and they use the storage unit to bathe in.

01:24:22.000 And, like, they just hang out there all day.

01:24:24.000 Bathing?

01:24:24.000 Yeah.

01:24:25.000 Why, there's a shower and a storage unit?

01:24:27.000 No, no, no.

01:24:27.000 They'll just come there with, like, wet naps.

01:24:29.000 And, like, they were showing me my unit when I got it.

01:24:33.000 Me and Jen.

01:24:34.000 And she goes, oh, we can't go down this hallway.

01:24:38.000 And I'm like, why?

01:24:38.000 She goes, just hold your nose.

01:24:39.000 We can't go down this hallway. 0.94

01:24:41.000 And I look ahead, and there was a woman naked, like, washing herself and poop rags everywhere. 1.00

01:24:47.000 Just rags on the ground with poop on it everywhere.

01:24:49.000 Yeah.

01:24:50.000 And it smelled like poo.

01:24:52.000 And she said that she just lives there during the day. 0.99

01:24:56.000 And she shits on the ground? 1.00

01:24:57.000 They let her? 0.99

01:24:58.000 They can't throw her out.

01:24:59.000 There's nothing they can do. 0.98

01:25:01.000 You can't get her for some sort of a health code violation because she's shitting on the ground? 1.00

01:25:05.000 That's what I said. 0.93

01:25:06.000 And she goes, you would think it's very weird and touchy.

01:25:10.000 Isn't that funny how much people try to protect people?

01:25:13.000 Yeah.

01:25:14.000 If she had a house, you could arrest her for that. 1.00

01:25:16.000 If she had a house and she just wants to shit in public, I'd like to go to my storage unit and take shits on the floor. 1.00

01:25:21.000 People would say, you fucking dirty bitch. 1.00

01:25:24.000 You got to go to jail. 1.00

01:25:25.000 But because she doesn't have a house, she goes in there and shits on the floor. 1.00

01:25:28.000 They're like, oh, we can't do anything. 0.95

01:25:29.000 And it's also the location.

01:25:31.000 There's this California culture where we nurture people.

01:25:33.000 But if that was in Texas and some storage unit owner walked by, he'd be like, you better pick up and put your poop or eggs away.

01:25:43.000 You get up and you get out of here right now.

01:25:46.000 I just gotta say that is so much better than your Japanese-Mexican accent. 0.96

01:25:49.000 You have two days to pack up and get out of the storage unit.

01:25:54.000 Pack up and get out of here.

01:25:55.000 This is Texas.

01:25:56.000 Nothing's like San Francisco.

01:25:58.000 San Francisco's the worst when it comes to that. 1.00

01:25:59.000 There's fucking aggressive homeless people everywhere. 1.00

01:26:02.000 They're all over the place. 1.00

01:26:03.000 Somebody took a huge shit, a human shit, right in front of the Punchline Comedy Club. 1.00

01:26:08.000 And it had blood in it. 1.00

01:26:10.000 That was crazy.

01:26:11.000 Oh, Ryan.

01:26:13.000 Did you have blood in there or did you think that's funny?

01:26:15.000 No, it did because I periscoped two videos of it.

01:26:18.000 Did you save any photos that I can see right now? 0.99

01:26:21.000 Do you have any photos of the shit? 0.99

01:26:23.000 I want to see the blood. 1.00

01:26:24.000 Don't you lie to me, son of a bitch. 1.00

01:26:25.000 It's hard to see in the video, but it made me puke. 1.00

01:26:29.000 There's a little towel next to it.

01:26:32.000 I've never seen more homeless people just wandering around anywhere in any one location than I have in San Francisco.

01:26:39.000 It seems like they're just super tolerant up there.

01:26:42.000 It's one of the things that makes San Francisco awesome, is that open-mindedness and tolerance, but it also leaves an opening for that.

01:26:49.000 We were there on Saturday when they were doing the marches up there.

01:26:52.000 Oh, it was good times?

01:26:53.000 It was powerful.

01:26:55.000 It drained the...

01:26:56.000 Well, the Kill Tony show was amazing, but the two stand-up shows I had after that, you could tell by the second show I was asking, like, how many of you went to the march earlier?

01:27:04.000 And it was just...

01:27:05.000 Like, I mean, crazy.

01:27:07.000 Have you ever even heard of an elected leader that's been protested this hard right after they got in office before they've done anything?

01:27:16.000 Never!

01:27:17.000 The funny thing is there's a bunch of women out there, obviously, that voted for Trump or didn't vote at all. 1.00

01:27:23.000 That's what a lot of the numbers would say.

01:27:26.000 Because they said that most women voted for Trump, right?

01:27:30.000 Isn't that a stat?

01:27:30.000 No, no.

01:27:31.000 Okay, okay.

01:27:31.000 Most of the women that voted voted for Trump, correct?

01:27:34.000 Well, no.

01:27:35.000 Oh, I thought I heard that somewhere.

01:27:36.000 No, no, no.

01:27:36.000 No, more women voted for Trump than voted for Hillary.

01:27:39.000 Yeah.

01:27:40.000 But not most of the women voted for Trump.

01:27:43.000 So if, like, there's 103 women, 53 of them voted for Trump, 50 of them voted for Hillary. 0.94

01:27:49.000 Like, that kind of a deal.

01:27:50.000 Gotcha.

01:27:51.000 But...

01:27:53.000 When you're talking about the numbers that they had, like in LA, Whitney Cummings sent me this picture. 0.99

01:27:58.000 And I looked at it and I went, what in the fuck? 0.98

01:28:00.000 Where is that? 0.99

01:28:01.000 She goes, that's in downtown LA. I'm like, that is insane.

01:28:04.000 I'm like, that's insane.

01:28:06.000 I go, how many people are there?

01:28:07.000 She goes, they expected 80,000 and they got 900,000.

01:28:12.000 It was the biggest one.

01:28:14.000 LA was the biggest one?

01:28:15.000 Even bigger than DC. Yeah, she said they don't really know how many, but she says they think somewhere around, I think, 970,000 people.

01:28:24.000 Close to a million.

01:28:26.000 Incredible.

01:28:27.000 It's crazy.

01:28:28.000 And it was interesting how many older ladies and older women did. 1.00

01:28:32.000 I flew back and the woman next to me was an old lady that sprayed her hair blue. 1.00

01:28:38.000 And she was like, we were out to protest!

01:28:40.000 But it's aggressive with these... 0.99

01:28:42.000 You think this all came from the grab the pussy stuff? 1.00

01:28:44.000 Like if he didn't have the grab the pussy stuff, this wouldn't exist, right? 1.00

01:28:47.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:28:47.000 It's because of one clip that they dug up from the early 90s in between a commercial break with him on Inside Edition. 0.98

01:28:54.000 With some guy talking about who knows the context that was happening before that, by the way.

01:28:58.000 And his whole, if you watch him talk, his whole, you know, persona.

01:29:04.000 Persona.

01:29:06.000 Persona is the Mexican word for it.

01:29:08.000 Persona.

01:29:09.000 You may know him.

01:29:10.000 He's from Jerusalem.

01:29:11.000 He's a Mexican pro wrestler.

01:29:12.000 It's very, very guy jockey.

01:29:16.000 Like, his vibe is very negative for women.

01:29:20.000 Well, he's a good old boys club guy.

01:29:22.000 It's awful for me, too.

01:29:24.000 Why is it awful for you?

01:29:26.000 I just don't like hearing him talk.

01:29:28.000 I just don't like hearing him talk, man.

01:29:29.000 He's just such an ugh to me.

01:29:32.000 I don't like him.

01:29:34.000 Did you vote?

01:29:35.000 I like his kid, though.

01:29:36.000 Did you vote?

01:29:36.000 No.

01:29:37.000 I voted for we, but I didn't vote for Trump.

01:29:39.000 You didn't vote for president?

01:29:41.000 You got to that and you just left it out?

01:29:42.000 No, because I didn't like either.

01:29:43.000 I would have had old man McGee.

01:29:48.000 Interesting.

01:29:49.000 Did you vote?

01:29:50.000 Yeah.

01:29:51.000 Gary Johnson did my podcast.

01:29:53.000 I voted for him.

01:29:55.000 That seems like a throwaway.

01:29:58.000 I'd rather not vote.

01:30:00.000 Brian, it's never a throwaway.

01:30:02.000 If everybody voted for Gary Johnson, he would have won.

01:30:04.000 Yeah, but that wasn't going to happen.

01:30:05.000 Well, why not?

01:30:06.000 But it's never a throwaway.

01:30:08.000 It's like you have to vote your mind.

01:30:09.000 Otherwise, voting is pointless.

01:30:11.000 Regardless of whether or not you think you're throwing your vote away.

01:30:13.000 There's so many people that were saying that.

01:30:14.000 The reason why...

01:30:17.000 No, my state was going to go to Hillary Clinton already, so I already knew that.

01:30:20.000 Most people predicted that.

01:30:22.000 If I stepped in as a complete objective observer, I had never had anything to do with the system up until that point, and then I walked in, and they were telling me the projected victory was already to Hillary Clinton before it even started, right?

01:30:34.000 In this state.

01:30:35.000 And they were right.

01:30:35.000 And they were right in New York, right?

01:30:37.000 So, if I vote for Gary Johnson, it's not throwing shit away. 0.98

01:30:40.000 It's just voting my conscience. 0.94

01:30:41.000 And it's not even really my conscience, honestly, because maybe Gary's not the right guy for the job either.

01:30:47.000 You know what I mean?

01:30:47.000 You didn't know what Aleppo was.

01:30:49.000 But...

01:30:50.000 But Bernie Sanders isn't in it anymore.

01:30:53.000 I'm not a big fan of Hillary.

01:30:56.000 I'm not a big fan of Trump.

01:30:59.000 I'm not a big fan of being president.

01:31:02.000 How about that?

01:31:02.000 I don't think anybody should be president.

01:31:04.000 I think there's an article that I tweeted recently that someone tweeted to me and I retweeted it about having a council of wise people, like seven or eight people.

01:31:12.000 Like Star Wars.

01:31:13.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:31:15.000 For real.

01:31:16.000 What's that, Jamie?

01:31:17.000 This article on Fortune.com says that 42% of women, most of them white, came out to support him.

01:31:24.000 Came out to support Trump?

01:31:25.000 Yeah.

01:31:26.000 Right, but we weren't talking about that.

01:31:27.000 We were talking about the marches against Trump.

01:31:29.000 No, I know, but that's on Tony's point, is that 42% of women voted for him.

01:31:34.000 So that, you know what I mean?

01:31:36.000 How many women then were there that voted for Trump? 1.00

01:31:39.000 Probably none because there's 20 million people in Los Angeles.

01:31:42.000 If you have 20 million people in Los Angeles and you got less than a million, it's highly likely that that less than a million didn't vote for them.

01:31:48.000 I think there's a lot of secret Trump supporters that are disguising themselves as these people and telling you they're out there because they have to...

01:31:57.000 It's a game to some of these people.

01:32:00.000 I can feel it.

01:32:02.000 It's like a joke. 1.00

01:32:02.000 Do you think that people that are walking around in that rally actually voted for Trump and they're holding up signs, fuck Trump? 1.00

01:32:07.000 You really think that? 0.99

01:32:10.000 Yeah, I think that some of them, yeah, I think that they're secret Trump supporters.

01:32:15.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:32:16.000 They were marching with signs, the whole deal.

01:32:19.000 For what they have to do for whatever their jobs are or whoever their boss is.

01:32:24.000 Yeah, sure, Marsha, I'll join you at the march.

01:32:26.000 Yeah, yeah, sure, definitely.

01:32:29.000 As long as you talk to Tom about that raise or whatever.

01:32:32.000 You know, whatever.

01:32:32.000 People do things for different reasons.

01:32:37.000 Zips it right there.

01:32:38.000 But it's crazy.

01:32:39.000 At that march, there's five-year-old girls.

01:32:42.000 These parents are mad about the possibility of their kids hearing something that Trump said. 1.00

01:32:49.000 And there's five-year-old girls walking down the street going, Don't touch my pussy! 1.00

01:32:52.000 Don't touch my pussy! 1.00

01:32:53.000 Okay, that's not really true. 1.00

01:32:54.000 Do you really see five-year-olds saying, Don't touch my pussy? 1.00

01:33:00.000 The march was saying, don't touch my pussy, and there's little kids in it. 1.00

01:33:03.000 You were saying that five-year-olds are saying that. 1.00

01:33:05.000 You know that's not true.

01:33:07.000 Here's my question.

01:33:08.000 Do you think that having these gigantic marches all over the country like they did, don't you think that's probably a good thing?

01:33:15.000 Because a guy like Trump, the last thing he wants is all those people hating him.

01:33:20.000 The last thing he wants is to realize that there's never been a president ever in the history of this country that has gotten protested so widely, And so hugely, right after getting into office, right?

01:33:33.000 That's got to freak him out.

01:33:34.000 And that has to affect the way you make decisions.

01:33:37.000 It has to.

01:33:38.000 Knowing that these people, like, all you, you know, you just got in.

01:33:43.000 You haven't done anything.

01:33:44.000 All you did was win the election and get in.

01:33:45.000 It almost seems interesting because what if that ends up turning him into, you know, what if, I mean, there's a chance where he just turns on these people and starts fulfilling the prophecies, right?

01:33:57.000 Yeah.

01:33:58.000 It's possible.

01:33:59.000 But then the Republicans that support him that are on the fence, they wouldn't support him anymore.

01:34:05.000 He's a populist in a lot of ways.

01:34:07.000 It's one of the more interesting things about this.

01:34:09.000 He's willing to change his mind on things if the people are vehemently against his decisions.

01:34:18.000 I think it's going to be real weird.

01:34:21.000 Who knows? 0.97

01:34:22.000 Who the fuck knows what's going to happen? 0.96

01:34:24.000 But one of the things that I'm reading that's really fascinating is they're trying to keep him away from television and criticism because he freaks out and then they don't want him to overreact. 0.99

01:34:33.000 They don't want him to respond to criticism of him because he keeps making these fucking crazy tweets.

01:34:38.000 What's this press secretary or somebody that just put out a thing the other day that was talking about the numbers, how many people were at the thing? 0.98

01:34:46.000 Yeah, you know what?

01:34:46.000 I want to...

01:34:47.000 He's like a publicist, though.

01:34:48.000 You know what I mean?

01:34:49.000 He's not even a press secretary.

01:34:51.000 This guy's a publicist.

01:34:52.000 They have a publicist because of how bad Trump is going to get into.

01:34:57.000 The trouble he's going to get into. 0.99

01:34:59.000 That guy's going to be saving his ass a lot. 0.98

01:35:02.000 In the future, I feel. 0.98

01:35:03.000 My friend Jason Hairston, he's the guy who owns this company that makes these jackets.

01:35:08.000 It's called Kuyu.

01:35:09.000 Yeah, they're like... 0.97

01:35:10.000 Goddammit, it's a cotton mouth. 1.00

01:35:12.000 He has one of the best...

01:35:16.000 He makes some of the best hunting gear in the world and he has this picture on his Instagram.

01:35:21.000 And this is disputing what the press is saying when they were talking about how little the crowd was. 0.99

01:35:26.000 Look how big the fucking crowd is there. 0.98

01:35:28.000 This is an actual photo that he took with his actual phone. 0.99

01:35:31.000 And they were saying that the crowd didn't go out to the press tent. 0.99

01:35:34.000 Well, fucking it clearly does. 0.99

01:35:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:37.000 That's a huge crowd.

01:35:38.000 Well, it could also just be the photo, you know.

01:35:41.000 What's that?

01:35:41.000 It could also just be the photo.

01:35:42.000 There could be like a big gap.

01:35:43.000 Brian, look at that photo.

01:35:44.000 That photo shows a gigantic crowd of people that goes all the way back past where they said the crowd didn't go.

01:35:50.000 Yeah, I'm saying that there might be a big gap in just how the photo is that you can't see that there's a gap in the middle.

01:35:56.000 That's the whole thing.

01:35:58.000 I do, but look at what you're looking at.

01:36:01.000 Not in that photo.

01:36:02.000 In that photo, you are looking at, look at all those people all the way back there.

01:36:06.000 They go all the way past the barricades.

01:36:08.000 Look at how many people there are.

01:36:10.000 That's not the pictures they showed on television.

01:36:12.000 And you can see this, folks.

01:36:14.000 Jason Hairston.

01:36:15.000 J-A-S-O-N-M-H-A-I-R-S-T-O-N. So this is a photo that he took himself. 0.83

01:36:26.000 And that's where it gets weird.

01:36:27.000 It's like someone who was actually there, who went to the inauguration, and takes a photo.

01:36:31.000 And they could have taken that picture any time.

01:36:33.000 What is his photo, Jamie?

01:36:34.000 This is what PBS put up.

01:36:34.000 This is a time lapse from the top of the Washington Monument from the time the day started, like sunrise, until everyone started leaving it.

01:36:43.000 Oh, so they have all of it.

01:36:44.000 Yeah, they have sky view of it.

01:36:46.000 Okay, so his photo, does it represent what this is?

01:36:49.000 See how I'm saying there's gaps, though?

01:36:52.000 See, there's gaps in between the crowds.

01:36:53.000 It's not filled in yet.

01:36:54.000 From that angle, it represents a big crowd, but when you look at it from the top, you can see the gaps in the...

01:37:00.000 But either way...

01:37:01.000 There's a lot of people there, but it wasn't...

01:37:02.000 I don't know if it was a million.

01:37:05.000 But either way, it's a giant crowd, but it's nowhere near as many that went to see Obama.

01:37:10.000 That's been proven by the amount of people that take public transportation, right?

01:37:13.000 So this is still not filled in yet.

01:37:15.000 Now people are leaving.

01:37:16.000 Oh, now they're leaving.

01:37:17.000 Yeah, that was it.

01:37:18.000 See, if you're standing, if there's a bunch of people missing in the middle, you're not going to be able to tell because the people behind it is going to fill in the gap.

01:37:25.000 That was the fact, though. 0.82

01:37:26.000 That does look pretty goddamn packed. 0.87

01:37:28.000 It does. 0.88

01:37:29.000 But maybe that's what you're saying then, because of that...

01:37:31.000 Well, I think it really, in your head, it's hard to imagine what Obama's must have looked like. 0.78

01:37:37.000 Because that does look insane.

01:37:39.000 But he wasn't where, when Obama was inaugurated, he wasn't there, taking pictures from the same spot.

01:37:45.000 Then we would get a chance to really check it and understand it.

01:37:49.000 But...

01:37:52.000 I mean, that I would buy more than this.

01:37:54.000 Because of what you said about perspective. 0.97

01:37:58.000 There's still a fuckload of people, man. 0.94

01:38:00.000 They were making it seem like there wasn't that many people. 1.00

01:38:02.000 That's a lot of goddamn people. 0.99

01:38:05.000 It's just not as many as Obama. 0.99

01:38:06.000 I would like to compare that to when Bush was inaugurated.

01:38:09.000 Bush-Edmore.

01:38:10.000 Bush-Edmore?

01:38:11.000 It was also raining, though.

01:38:13.000 It was raining at the Trump inauguration.

01:38:16.000 And how many of those people wear hairspray in respect to Mr. Trump?

01:38:21.000 I saw a point someone made, too, that at the time in 2009, I guess, when Obama, when the inauguration happened, there were a lot more people out of work. 0.99

01:38:28.000 Oh, shit. 0.98

01:38:29.000 And that now there's people that have jobs and they had less. 0.99

01:38:33.000 That sounds like a White House propaganda welfare baby statement.

01:38:39.000 Sincerely, Barack Obama.

01:38:40.000 Try to find out how many people were there when Bush was inaugurated and how many people were there when Clinton was inaugurated.

01:38:48.000 What's that?

01:38:49.000 2001, the first one, right?

01:38:51.000 Yeah, it was 2000. There's a good Photoshop out there that shows them all.

01:38:56.000 It shows reptiles.

01:38:57.000 It shows that they're all in the shape of a skull.

01:38:59.000 Alex Jones, did you hear?

01:39:01.000 He was down there, and somebody, some Trump supporter or something like that got in this huge fight.

01:39:07.000 With Alex?

01:39:08.000 No, no.

01:39:09.000 Alex Jones, though, was right next to it and had to call the police.

01:39:12.000 Oh, I saw someone was saying that Alex Jones had liquor on his breath.

01:39:16.000 Probably?

01:39:16.000 Yeah, he says he doesn't drink.

01:39:18.000 $300,000 or so for 2001 for Bush, $400,000 in 2005, and then $1.8 million for Barack in 2009, and $1 million in 2013. In comparison, Bill Clinton also had 800,093 and 250,097.

01:39:37.000 Damn, only 250,097? 0.78

01:39:40.000 I mean, the rain is going to deeply affect that, though, because it's all local people, right? 0.98

01:39:45.000 I mean, who's flying there?

01:39:46.000 No, a lot of people flew in for that.

01:39:47.000 Jason Harrison flew in for that.

01:39:49.000 Morgan Murphy.

01:39:50.000 She flew in for that.

01:39:52.000 She flew in for the march.

01:39:53.000 Yeah, but she flew in. 1.00

01:39:57.000 She marched in the rain.

01:40:00.000 That's another thing that goes against that.

01:40:02.000 A lot of those women that were marching, they're marching in the rain. 1.00

01:40:06.000 That's why Jeremiah Watkins and his character, Daisy Watkins.

01:40:10.000 I like Daisy.

01:40:11.000 I like his character.

01:40:12.000 Yeah, that was amazing.

01:40:14.000 They all had raincoats on during the roast battle tonight.

01:40:17.000 Or, rather, Kill Tony tonight.

01:40:19.000 To represent those Hillary supporters that went out in the rain.

01:40:22.000 Is it a big deal because of the question of the size or the question over the lying of the size?

01:40:28.000 Lying of the size.

01:40:29.000 But he wants to say, this guy wants to say, this is the largest crowd of any inauguration ever.

01:40:35.000 Clearly that's not true. 0.99

01:40:37.000 That's fucked up. 0.98

01:40:38.000 That's clearly not true. 0.99

01:40:39.000 It seems like a big ass crowd to me, looking at that photo, but I've never looked at a photo of the inauguration before. 0.98

01:40:47.000 So if you compare it to Obama, it's clearly still a big ass crowd. 0.96

01:40:50.000 But it's Definitely not the biggest crowd ever. 0.94

01:40:53.000 So, that's not good. 0.96

01:40:55.000 When the fucking White House Minister of Propaganda sounds like that guy from Baghdad, remember at the beginning of the war? 0.97

01:41:01.000 There was some guy that was doing the Baghdad population thing. 0.99

01:41:04.000 Remember that guy? 0.99

01:41:05.000 Who the fuck was that guy? 1.00

01:41:06.000 Who's this moron outside the door? 1.00

01:41:09.000 They're letting people downstairs. 1.00

01:41:12.000 They should keep that door shut.

01:41:14.000 It's such a bad...

01:41:16.000 Who was that guy?

01:41:17.000 Remember that guy?

01:41:18.000 Joe Baghdad or something like that?

01:41:20.000 Remember?

01:41:21.000 It was like it was a meme.

01:41:22.000 It was hilarious.

01:41:23.000 It's like when the war started... 0.99

01:41:25.000 Get the fuck out of here! 1.00

01:41:26.000 Jamie, kick these guys out of here. 1.00

01:41:28.000 Oh, God.

01:41:30.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:41:35.000 They're letting people fuck with us. 1.00

01:41:40.000 Anyway, there was a character that was Baghdad something. 1.00

01:41:47.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:41:48.000 What was his name? 0.99

01:41:50.000 I can't remember.

01:41:50.000 You don't remember it?

01:41:51.000 Do you remember that?

01:41:51.000 And what was he saying?

01:41:52.000 He was the minister of propaganda for Iraq before we invaded.

01:41:58.000 And he was always saying, like, you know, the Iraqi troops are destroying the American troops.

01:42:02.000 Baghdad Bob.

01:42:03.000 No.

01:42:04.000 Baghdad Bob?

01:42:07.000 Baghdad Bob. 0.96

01:42:09.000 Baghdad Bob and his ridiculous true predictions? 0.97

01:42:12.000 This guy? 0.98

01:42:14.000 Yes, that's the guy.

01:42:16.000 Baghdad Bob?

01:42:17.000 Yeah, he had a beret on and looked like Saddam Hussein. 0.89

01:42:22.000 Before Saddam Hussein went into hiding, remember they went into hiding and they found him in a hole?

01:42:25.000 Remember they pulled him out of a hole and then hung him on TV? We watched him.

01:42:29.000 Everyone could see him get hung.

01:42:31.000 Remember?

01:42:32.000 You saw it on the internet?

01:42:33.000 It was amazing. 1.00

01:42:34.000 Fucking crazy! 0.99

01:42:35.000 But this Baghdad Bob, that's it. 1.00

01:42:36.000 It is Baghdad Bob.

01:42:38.000 Did you watch that Saddam series on HBO? No, but what I'm saying is this Baghdad Bob guy, this is essentially what the Trump guy is doing.

01:42:47.000 He's saying shit that everybody knows is not true. 0.98

01:42:50.000 He's exaggerating in a way that everybody knows is not true. 0.99

01:42:53.000 And this is just the beginning of the administration.

01:42:56.000 His quote is, my information was correct, but my interpretations were not.

01:43:00.000 Oh, God.

01:43:01.000 Whatever that means.

01:43:02.000 Who was saying that?

01:43:03.000 That's what that Baghdad Bob guy's quote is.

01:43:06.000 Oh.

01:43:07.000 But this White House guy should be fired, right?

01:43:10.000 That should be like a blatant firing.

01:43:12.000 You can't start off a relationship with the American people with a big fat juicy lie like that.

01:43:18.000 Fired.

01:43:18.000 What about his speeches too?

01:43:21.000 There's a picture of him handwriting his speeches and then he blatantly ripped off the Bane speech and the Avatar speech too.

01:43:28.000 He didn't rip off the Bane speech.

01:43:31.000 Pretty close.

01:43:32.000 Did you see it?

01:43:34.000 We're going to give it back to the people?

01:43:37.000 That's typical political speak.

01:43:39.000 We're going to give it back to the people.

01:43:42.000 So deep.

01:43:44.000 That's a typical, give it back to you, to the people.

01:43:47.000 When people turn it into the Bane thing, I'm like, I hope everybody's kidding about it being stolen.

01:43:54.000 Not that it's plagiarized, but that it's the same thing. 0.94

01:43:57.000 The problem with it being the same thing is, it's what Bane said before he fucking went to destroy the city. 0.99

01:44:02.000 Like, you shouldn't say that shit when everybody knows that's what Bane said. 0.99

01:44:07.000 That's true. 1.00

01:44:08.000 There's supposed to be a guy michekin for Bane speak? 0.95

01:44:11.000 No, but imagine if you were going to say something.

01:44:13.000 I think it's sort of cool to have a president that said something that Bane said. 1.00

01:44:17.000 Ah, you're ridiculous. 1.00

01:44:18.000 Give it back to you. 1.00

01:44:19.000 Give it back to the people.

01:44:22.000 That's just that one part of it.

01:44:23.000 It was like a whole two or three sentences, not just that phrase.

01:44:27.000 Oh, there was more? 1.00

01:44:27.000 There is no way that guy has enough time to write his fucking speech. 1.00

01:44:32.000 I agree, but he took a picture and said he was. 1.00

01:44:34.000 Of course!

01:44:35.000 Why not?

01:44:36.000 Why not?

01:44:37.000 I mean, you should've had a quill. 0.99

01:44:39.000 You should've had a goddamn feather in an ink bottle. 0.99

01:44:42.000 Clearly Trump likes to write his speeches while watching Batman. 0.99

01:44:47.000 Maybe he was just writing notes on his speeches with a pen.

01:44:50.000 So it wasn't a lie, sort of, kind of.

01:44:53.000 Cut to his next speech.

01:44:54.000 Dear White House Press, why so serious?

01:44:57.000 Why so serious?

01:45:00.000 Yeah, we got a problem.

01:45:02.000 President Trump, were you watching Batman with Heath Ledger last night?

01:45:08.000 Yes.

01:45:08.000 It's gonna be real weird, man.

01:45:10.000 It's gonna be real weird if that's how it keeps up.

01:45:13.000 Maybe there'll be an adjustment.

01:45:15.000 Who knows? 0.99

01:45:15.000 Can you imagine how cool it would be if it was revealed that he did have a breathing problem all of a sudden and had to wear some fucking mask? 0.99

01:45:22.000 How awesome! 0.94

01:45:26.000 Snopes says the Avatar part is not true.

01:45:29.000 That wasn't said in Avatar.

01:45:31.000 Well, we already discussed who Snopes is.

01:45:33.000 Who's running that?

01:45:34.000 A guy that married a call girl.

01:45:36.000 Understand that.

01:45:37.000 I still think it's pretty good.

01:45:39.000 What is pretty good?

01:45:41.000 Snopes?

01:45:41.000 Overall.

01:45:42.000 Okay, but you have to, listen, you get this one guy behind this thing.

01:45:46.000 He's obviously a guy and his wife, and they got divorced, and now he's a guy and a former escort, and they still run it, and they have a very clear left-wing bias.

01:45:58.000 They've been a part of anti-Bush rallies in the past.

01:46:02.000 I get it.

01:46:03.000 It's good to have something like that.

01:46:05.000 I'm not totally dismissing it, but these are just people.

01:46:07.000 This isn't objective academics who have combed the land and looked for the correct answer all the time.

01:46:13.000 Their stuff is widely criticized.

01:46:14.000 I don't always agree with the criticism, but it's not like they're the end-all be-all when it comes to truth is what's real on the internet.

01:46:21.000 No, no, but it's definitely really good for like, say like, hey, hey, they say these tacos are making out of horses, and then they go, here's an article, here's an article.

01:46:29.000 You're like, oh, thanks, Snopes.

01:46:31.000 That's why I like it. 0.98

01:46:32.000 There was some shit that was going on leading up to the election that was pretty criticized. 0.97

01:46:37.000 See if you can find criticisms of Snopes. 0.98

01:46:39.000 See if you can find anything that's any good.

01:46:40.000 I found a great thing that a university put together of how biased each thing is and which direction everything leans.

01:46:49.000 Like, they went really deep into it, and they made...

01:46:51.000 A really cool graph.

01:46:53.000 Then that middle part is mainstream, and the higher up it is, the more actual and factual everything is. 0.92

01:47:01.000 And the lower it is, the more it's just like fake news, like crap jargon. 0.56

01:47:05.000 And the farther left, it means it leans liberal, like there's crazy stuff over there, and then the far right leans conservative. 0.89

01:47:13.000 And it has everything listed. 0.63

01:47:15.000 What's really fucked up is we don't have... 1.00

01:47:17.000 CNN is hot dog shit, if you're wondering. 1.00

01:47:19.000 Like the fakest, terrible news. 1.00

01:47:22.000 But it says that it's better than not reading the news at all.

01:47:24.000 What is the source of this?

01:47:25.000 Oh, it's Fox News.

01:47:26.000 No, it's not.

01:47:28.000 It's not.

01:47:30.000 This was a study done by, I can't remember the college.

01:47:34.000 It says 1.3 million views.

01:47:37.000 I like PBS and Reuters.

01:47:40.000 It's on Imgur.

01:47:41.000 The name of the person that posted it is Wild Yucatan Man.

01:47:46.000 Y-U-C-A-T-A-N. M-A-N. But it has 1.3 million views.

01:47:51.000 Some school, I can't remember the exact school, I found this off Reddit and then just snagged a screenshot a picture of it because I found it so amazing.

01:47:58.000 And it shows you everything.

01:47:59.000 Basically, BBC and NPR is right in the up middle.

01:48:03.000 It's above the Washington Post, above New York Times, above NBC and ABC. USA Today and CNN way down at the bottom.

01:48:12.000 And it says that The Economist, The Guardian, The Atlantic, and The Wall Street Journal are basically the best minimal partisan bias, mainstream, but still reputable.

01:48:21.000 What they say about The Wall Street Journal is because it deals with the financial markets and because you can't have just a clear editorial bias that leans one way or the other that's going to affect business. 0.99

01:48:31.000 They're not going to tolerate that shit. 0.99

01:48:32.000 They want to know what the fuck is really going on, clean and clear, without all your hippie logic thrown into it. 1.00

01:48:41.000 What do you think about RT? RT, Russia Today? 0.98

01:48:46.000 You know what, man?

01:48:47.000 It's owned by Russia.

01:48:48.000 At the end of the day, you realize that they've got some sort of an influence over them.

01:48:54.000 I don't know how much of an influence, but I had Lee Camp on my podcast, and I was asking him whether or not Putin uses fillers. 0.99

01:49:01.000 That dude fucking clamped up. 0.98

01:49:03.000 He didn't want to say a word. 1.00

01:49:04.000 Fillers? 0.93

01:49:05.000 Fillers, like on his face.

01:49:07.000 I'm like, his face is looking, looks like someone's doing something to his face, like Botox or something.

01:49:12.000 And he just clamped up.

01:49:15.000 Whereas, I've had Abby Martin on a show before, and she used to work for Russia Today, and she just decided not to do it anymore. 0.77

01:49:24.000 She's doing her own thing now.

01:49:26.000 And when she was doing it, she was reporting on the situation in Ukraine, and they wanted to ship her to Ukraine.

01:49:36.000 They're like, hey, why don't you go check it out?

01:49:38.000 We're going to send her there, and she's going to go there on the ground. 1.00

01:49:40.000 She's like, the fuck I am? 1.00

01:49:42.000 She's like, I'm not going to Russia. 1.00

01:49:44.000 Are you out of your fucking mind? 1.00

01:49:46.000 And that's when she realized, like, oh, I've got to get out of this business. 1.00

01:49:49.000 Yeah.

01:49:50.000 They tried to shiver to Russia!

01:49:52.000 Because she was criticizing them.

01:49:54.000 Yeah, Russia Today, it's interesting.

01:49:57.000 But it's probably a better news source than what you're getting from the American propaganda networks.

01:50:03.000 Dude, it's bad.

01:50:04.000 I watched post-debate I watched CNN and Fox News and I went back and forth for a couple of hours.

01:50:11.000 I decided this is going to be like my project for the night.

01:50:13.000 I'm going to see what the left is saying and then I'm going to see what the right is saying.

01:50:16.000 It was crazy.

01:50:17.000 It was like two alternate realities.

01:50:20.000 Two completely different worlds and it was so biased on both sides.

01:50:23.000 They're so biased.

01:50:25.000 There's no one who's saying anything that might make the other side look good or might soften someone's point of view. 1.00

01:50:32.000 Hillary Clinton is a thief and a liar and she's profiting and the Clinton Foundation is a problem and she needs to go to jail and anybody else would be in jail and taxes and this and that and fucking real estate scandals. 1.00

01:50:45.000 And then you go to the other side and it's all sexual assault. 1.00

01:50:48.000 Donald Trump, sexual assault, accused of sexual assault.

01:50:51.000 A woman accuses him of sexual assault. 1.00

01:50:54.000 This video, the grab the pussy video, it was all concentrating on that. 1.00

01:50:59.000 And that's another crazy thing about this study is that comparatively, according to this huge crazy study that they did, Fox News, while completely leaning right, but still reputable. 0.99

01:51:12.000 CNN is not.

01:51:14.000 CNN is just not reputable.

01:51:16.000 At all.

01:51:17.000 Wow.

01:51:18.000 Bottom of everything.

01:51:19.000 But they say better than not reading news at all, but...

01:51:23.000 Take a screenshot of that and send that to me.

01:51:26.000 And send me with the guy's name on it.

01:51:27.000 I'm going to put it on my Instagram and give that guy props to try and find out what that is.

01:51:32.000 NBC's in the middle with the Washington Post.

01:51:34.000 Well, Brian Williams made sure of that.

01:51:36.000 In fact, he went to battle for it.

01:51:38.000 Well, MSNBC, yeah, is the one that they're saying is the Fox News of the left, basically, but still sort of...

01:51:46.000 But they're much more, according to this, much more reputable than CNN. That's Rachel Maddow. 0.87

01:51:52.000 Yeah.

01:51:54.000 She gets a little bit crazy too. 1.00

01:51:56.000 She got a big ol' lesbian running that show. 1.00

01:51:58.000 Love it. 0.99

01:52:00.000 I love the fact that you could have a clear and obvious short-haired lesbian woman with an Ivy League education being like your mouthpiece. 1.00

01:52:10.000 She's the main dude over there. 1.00

01:52:14.000 It is.

01:52:15.000 And then you have that Keith Oberman guy who's gone bananas. 0.97

01:52:18.000 He's just insane. 0.94

01:52:19.000 And another thing! 0.99

01:52:21.000 He's all about, like, we've had a coup.

01:52:24.000 We've been taken over by Russia. 0.95

01:52:26.000 Russia has taken over the United States. 0.92

01:52:28.000 It's been a bloodless coup.

01:52:30.000 And he does that show, The Resistance.

01:52:33.000 He's going super hard left.

01:52:36.000 Yeah.

01:52:38.000 Yeah, it's some loopy stuff.

01:52:39.000 I got stuck watching him for nine minutes the other day, just ranting.

01:52:44.000 He seems like he's in one of those cable access studios.

01:52:48.000 And he has to keep going.

01:52:50.000 He doesn't go to commercial.

01:52:52.000 And another thing.

01:52:54.000 Well, that's what he's always done.

01:52:55.000 He's always been a great ranter. 1.00

01:52:57.000 He was one of the original ESPN SportsCenter guys and he was a fucking beast, man. 0.99

01:53:03.000 Yeah, what happened? 0.99

01:53:03.000 Why did they take him off ESPN? I don't know. 0.99

01:53:05.000 Because that's where everybody loved him.

01:53:07.000 Yeah.

01:53:07.000 And then he went from there and started doing political news.

01:53:09.000 He was so good.

01:53:11.000 It's almost like once you start doing...

01:53:12.000 OG Keith Olbermann, right?

01:53:13.000 Yeah.

01:53:13.000 He got in trouble.

01:53:14.000 What'd he do? 1.00

01:53:15.000 He said some shit that he shouldn't have said. 0.99

01:53:16.000 He kept going against the, like, I think it was mostly against, like, Disney or the man because Disney owns ESPN. The fucking man. 1.00

01:53:22.000 And he got, like, him and Dan Patrick there. 1.00

01:53:24.000 I think they were both banned from ESPN, like, facilities.

01:53:27.000 They're not allowed to talk to anybody for, like, 10 years.

01:53:31.000 What?

01:53:31.000 And Dan Patrick recently, I think, got back in good graces a little bit.

01:53:34.000 Or maybe it was Olbermann did and Dan Patrick is still completely, like, you're not, don't talk to Dan Patrick is what they kind of, to, like, It's like a big no-no.

01:53:42.000 I forget exactly what happened.

01:53:43.000 What did they get in trouble about?

01:53:45.000 I'll look it up so I can tell you real quick.

01:53:46.000 Wow.

01:53:48.000 I didn't follow him.

01:53:50.000 I don't follow sports, so I didn't know.

01:53:52.000 I didn't know that he was this big sports guy, but I'd heard people talk about him and they really liked him.

01:53:57.000 And then I remember he went over and started doing political stuff, and then there was a lot of controversy. 0.99

01:54:02.000 And I feel like some of the controversy was like, if you start out doing sports, you got to stick with sports, motherfucker. 0.97

01:54:09.000 People don't like you starting out with sports, and then all of a sudden you're talking about politics? 0.98

01:54:14.000 You're like, what?

01:54:15.000 What are you running a political show? 1.00

01:54:17.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:54:18.000 Baseball! 1.00

01:54:19.000 What about Willie Mays?

01:54:22.000 Babe Ruth, come on, Keith!

01:54:25.000 Baseball!

01:54:26.000 That's what everybody recognizes as.

01:54:29.000 You get your respect for that and we're supposed to listen to your opinion on ranting political stuff?

01:54:35.000 But sports and politics go hand-to-hand of two things I can't stand, for the most part.

01:54:41.000 But you care about this Trump thing.

01:54:42.000 I do just because I have to hear about it nonstop every single day.

01:54:48.000 Internet, TV, people, all are talking about Trump.

01:54:53.000 It's like a nightmare that won't stop. 1.00

01:54:55.000 I don't give a shit about politics, but I have to talk about Trump and hear about Trump But you do give a shit about Trump, though. 0.99

01:55:02.000 It's not just that you hear about him. 0.99

01:55:03.000 You were just saying that you don't like the way he speaks.

01:55:06.000 It's embarrassing, but I wish I could just stop hearing about it now.

01:55:10.000 It's nothing else.

01:55:11.000 I think people are tired of people complaining about it, which is fascinating to me.

01:55:14.000 It's like, what do you want them to do? 0.98

01:55:16.000 I'm just tired of people fucking complaining about it. 1.00

01:55:18.000 Goddamn, man. 1.00

01:55:19.000 Suck it up. 1.00

01:55:19.000 He won. 1.00

01:55:20.000 Suck it up. 1.00

01:55:21.000 He's our president. 1.00

01:55:22.000 Okay, do you really expect that people are just going to stop complaining? 0.99

01:55:25.000 Because that's ridiculous. 0.94

01:55:26.000 People always complain. 1.00

01:55:27.000 People complain no matter who the fuck wins. 0.99

01:55:29.000 If Hillary Clinton had won right now, people would be going crazy on Fox News. 1.00

01:55:33.000 They would be screaming for her head.

01:55:36.000 We can only hope that someone...

01:55:38.000 Someone has the courage to prosecute this criminal for deleting those emails.

01:55:43.000 And they would just go crazy about it.

01:55:44.000 But the difference is Republicans would not have walked in the street. 0.99

01:55:47.000 Unless she had a grab him by the dick video that they pulled out of nowhere. 1.00

01:55:52.000 And even then, people would think it was funny. 1.00

01:55:54.000 Women would be out there, grab his dick! 1.00

01:55:57.000 Grab his dick! 1.00

01:55:58.000 And let's throw this out there. 1.00

01:55:59.000 Yeah, okay. 1.00

01:56:00.000 So, first of all, the whole Trump thing, grab him by the pussy, he's talking about if you have a ton of money, to some guy... 1.00

01:56:08.000 He's talking about being famous. 1.00

01:56:09.000 Very specifically.

01:56:10.000 Is that what it was?

01:56:11.000 Yes. 1.00

01:56:11.000 He's like, you're famous, you're a celebrity, you can just grab him by the pussy. 1.00

01:56:14.000 They let you. 1.00

01:56:14.000 But he was saying they let you. 1.00

01:56:16.000 He was talking about crazy groupies.

01:56:18.000 But here's the thing. 0.85

01:56:19.000 People are like, oh, that's unfit to be a president.

01:56:22.000 But what?

01:56:23.000 Our last great president... 1.00

01:56:27.000 Got his dick sucked in the Oval Office by an intern. 1.00

01:56:31.000 Then he lied about it to everybody, including everyone. 1.00

01:56:34.000 I did not have sexual relations.

01:56:37.000 The economy was bumping. 0.99

01:56:39.000 Gas prices were 72 cents and nobody gave a fuck. 0.99

01:56:42.000 But now all of a sudden it's like, wait, this guy is demonizing women. 0.99

01:56:46.000 It's like, oh, okay.

01:56:47.000 Well, he just got caught.

01:56:49.000 And it's one of the things that he said.

01:56:50.000 He's like, I heard Bill Clinton say, well, worse things.

01:56:53.000 Yeah, Bill Clinton got stuck.

01:56:54.000 On the golf course. 1.00

01:56:55.000 Bill Clinton got his dick sucked while being the president. 1.00

01:56:59.000 We're talking about a recording on a commercial break of what? 1.00

01:57:03.000 Inside Edition, 92. I mean, the comparisons are insane, but Bill Clinton's a saint, and he was a freakishly great president.

01:57:12.000 There's a difference between hearing someone say something and knowing they did something.

01:57:16.000 To people, there's a difference.

01:57:18.000 Like, knowing someone did something is like, wow, I don't see it.

01:57:21.000 I hear it, but I know he did it. 1.00

01:57:22.000 So if the audio of Bill Clinton getting his dick sucked came out... 1.00

01:57:25.000 Oh yeah, I was like, come on. 1.00

01:57:27.000 You want that intern money?

01:57:29.000 Let me shoot on your dress. 1.00

01:57:31.000 Jamie, what were you going to say?

01:57:33.000 It was Olbermann that was actually banned from ESPN's main campus.

01:57:37.000 That's why when he came back, he was doing a show from New York in Times Square from an ABC sub-studio.

01:57:43.000 He just had lots of run-ins starting in 1997. He went on The Daily Show when it was still hosted by Craig Kilborn, who was a former ESPN co-anchor with them.

01:57:52.000 That was his first problem.

01:57:54.000 He called ESPN's main campus a godforsaken place.

01:57:59.000 He got into an argument with them.

01:58:00.000 You get in trouble for saying that?

01:58:02.000 There's just lots of different things that happened over a 10-year period, and then he came back.

01:58:06.000 Like I said, he had a little stint with them. 0.99

01:58:08.000 He got in trouble again for saying shit against Penn State supporters. 0.99

01:58:11.000 They suspended him for a little bit for that. 0.99

01:58:13.000 Against Penn State supporters after the Sandusky trial?

01:58:16.000 Yeah.

01:58:17.000 What was so upsetting about that?

01:58:19.000 Weirdly, also, that stuff has kind of all been forgotten now.

01:58:23.000 All of their punishments have just kind of all disappeared.

01:58:26.000 They're not punished anymore.

01:58:27.000 They're back in the top of the college football rankings and everything.

01:58:31.000 For Penn State?

01:58:32.000 Yeah.

01:58:32.000 Really?

01:58:32.000 Dude, people are coming down here again.

01:58:34.000 We've got to get one of the comedy store people to block the door. 0.99

01:58:40.000 They found out they can get down here.

01:58:42.000 Well, they just leave the door open and then there's a stairway where people could just fall.

01:58:46.000 Well, there's supposed to be a security guy up there.

01:58:48.000 They're not supposed to let them down there.

01:58:50.000 They should just shut the door.

01:58:51.000 Well, people found out we're down here now.

01:58:53.000 That's the problem. 1.00

01:58:54.000 Because I opened my big fucking mouth. 1.00

01:58:56.000 Because we're talking about it. 1.00

01:58:57.000 You called it the underground at the comedy store.

01:59:00.000 Yeah, but there's people that work here that are supposed to be stopping the people from down here and they haven't been doing it.

01:59:05.000 This is the loosest...

01:59:07.000 The people that work here, they're all comics. 1.00

01:59:10.000 They're all fuck-offs. 0.99

01:59:11.000 Everybody half-asses everything when it comes to letting people in to anything. 0.99

01:59:16.000 It's hilarious.

01:59:18.000 But it's half of the fun of this place.

01:59:21.000 We're going to have to have someone watch The Door from now on. 1.00

01:59:25.000 These fucks. 1.00

01:59:26.000 Take two. 1.00

01:59:27.000 That was okay.

01:59:29.000 That was the producer guy, Ari.

01:59:31.000 No, it wasn't.

01:59:32.000 He said it was him.

01:59:35.000 I saw another dude too.

01:59:37.000 I told him to try to get someone to watch the show.

01:59:41.000 Either way...

01:59:44.000 We should do these live instead of making it like this down in here. 1.00

01:59:47.000 Maybe we should just move this shit to the belly room. 0.99

01:59:50.000 I love live podcasting more than anything. 1.00

01:59:55.000 Well, the belly room is such a great spot for it, too.

01:59:57.000 And we've already done a bunch of Kill Tonys up there.

02:00:00.000 I feel like maybe there's a problem with people knowing that we're doing it down here.

02:00:06.000 People knew after Killed Tony, they were like, were you guys doing that show?

02:00:09.000 I was like, you can't watch it, so go home.

02:00:12.000 They just need to get a new lock or something for that door up there.

02:00:16.000 Well, they just need to have someone that actually stays where they're supposed to stay and not let people down.

02:00:21.000 And also, that's a crazy staircase.

02:00:23.000 There's all sorts of equipment down here.

02:00:25.000 This is totally behind the scenes.

02:00:28.000 All that equipment that the comedy store owns, it's all out there, sitting out there.

02:00:31.000 You can't just be Yeah. 1.00

02:00:32.000 Wandering around with that bitch. 1.00

02:00:34.000 But people are weird, man. 1.00

02:00:36.000 They want to be behind the scenes.

02:00:37.000 They want to get to that back bar.

02:00:39.000 They want to go behind the bar.

02:00:40.000 Yep.

02:00:41.000 People always want to go to that one place where you're not supposed to go.

02:00:43.000 And that's what's crazy.

02:00:44.000 When I got here, I was mister.

02:00:48.000 You had to invite me.

02:00:50.000 I've always treated this building with a ridiculous amount of respect.

02:00:54.000 I never wanted...

02:00:56.000 What, you want a cookie? 0.94

02:00:57.000 No, I'm talking about that there's a statement there that is a thing in which, and I've seen it, those people that push themselves into that back alley that are always trying to smoke pot with everybody, they're never the ones that end up fucking doing anything. 0.69

02:01:11.000 They're always the ones in which it's like, I found out I'm having to move back home.

02:01:15.000 My mom's sick, so I got to go take...

02:01:17.000 Oh, that is the worst when someone chimes in on a conversation and just all of a sudden starts talking about themselves.

02:01:23.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:01:26.000 You get a lot of that back there. 1.00

02:01:27.000 It's the worst, and they're losers. 1.00

02:01:30.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

02:01:30.000 But my point is, the people that go where they're invited and with people that they're friends with, it's different. 0.98

02:01:38.000 There's just a different life thing.

02:01:41.000 No, it definitely is.

02:01:42.000 People want to race to the green room and the back to smoke because they think there's a shortcut waiting for them there and there's not.

02:01:50.000 You still have to...

02:01:51.000 You mean a shortcut to make it as a comic?

02:01:53.000 Yeah, but I think this analogy applies probably for any job.

02:01:57.000 You know what I mean?

02:01:58.000 It's not just about the hang.

02:02:01.000 It's about the combination of the two.

02:02:03.000 You've always had this disdain for people who network.

02:02:07.000 Yeah.

02:02:09.000 Yeah, because I think there's a way to do it, and I think it happens organically and naturally, and people that overdo it, it's just gross.

02:02:16.000 The people that overdo it are almost always not that funny.

02:02:19.000 Yeah, and I do it a lot, but I do it my own way, you know what I mean?

02:02:24.000 Does that make sense? 0.87

02:02:25.000 I'm not like a networker, but I hang out and I do three podcasts a week and fucking stand up all the time. 0.95

02:02:33.000 It's different.

02:02:33.000 There's one thing that's like you're not consciously trying to network.

02:02:37.000 You're working with your peers and your friends.

02:02:41.000 Yeah, there's that networking.

02:02:43.000 I think there's a natural amount of networking that happens.

02:02:45.000 Do you watch House of Cards?

02:02:46.000 It's my favorite thing.

02:02:47.000 I'm the one that...

02:02:48.000 Do you watch it now?

02:02:49.000 Yes.

02:02:49.000 You did not tell me about it.

02:02:51.000 A lot of people told me about it.

02:02:52.000 Don't try to claim you told me about it.

02:02:53.000 No, I'm sure a lot of people did because it's one of only four great shows.

02:02:56.000 Let's not make it about you.

02:02:57.000 Let's go back to the show. 0.98

02:03:01.000 It's a fucking hilarious show when you realize this is probably how it really works. 0.99

02:03:06.000 And that networking, that kind of shit, that kind of networking is what we're scared of in comedy. 0.99

02:03:12.000 That's how the entire business runs. 1.00

02:03:14.000 That's how the White House runs. 0.62

02:03:15.000 That's how politics runs.

02:03:17.000 That's why you're scared of it. 1.00

02:03:18.000 Because you're scared of that kind of shit getting into here where it's all about favors and bullshit. 1.00

02:03:23.000 Right. 1.00

02:03:24.000 Yeah, this place has a loophole for not having that crap. 0.98

02:03:27.000 It used to be, dude. 0.98

02:03:29.000 It used to be that's how you got gigs.

02:03:31.000 There was a big problem in Hollywood for a long time.

02:03:34.000 That's how people got on shows.

02:03:36.000 That's how they were writers. 0.99

02:03:38.000 There was a lot of fucking really bad writers back in the day that were on sitcoms. 0.98

02:03:43.000 You would think, hey man, you get to be a writer on Friends or Seinfeld or something like that. 0.97

02:03:48.000 You've got to be a really funny person.

02:03:51.000 By the way, that's totally still a thing in writers' rooms. 0.58

02:03:55.000 Tell me about that.

02:03:57.000 I mean, there's a guy or two that I've worked with in the small roast writers world that I've worked in that are literally pulling a huge favor, man.

02:04:12.000 Maybe the people feel bad for this guy, you know what I mean, or whatever, but he's lazy and doesn't do much.

02:04:20.000 Sort of just gets to phone it in while everybody else is writing the actual thing.

02:04:25.000 Probably gets nothing in.

02:04:26.000 You know what I mean?

02:04:27.000 It's a part of that entire crazy world.

02:04:33.000 There's always a favor.

02:04:34.000 Always.

02:04:36.000 They have these teams. 0.99

02:04:38.000 A lot of times comedy teams are one really funny guy and the other guy who writes the funny shit down. 0.99

02:04:44.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:04:45.000 Totally. 0.98

02:04:46.000 The funny guy wanders around the office, scratches his beard, and the other guy's writing shit down. 0.99

02:04:51.000 Even if you watch Six Days to Air, it's so fucking Matt and Trey, period. 0.99

02:04:57.000 While those other people are writers, but barely tagging anything. 0.98

02:05:04.000 You totally see the vision just puking.

02:05:06.000 He's just puking it out of his head, laughing.

02:05:09.000 They're both laughing and adding to each other's thing.

02:05:12.000 Then there's these other people that...

02:05:14.000 Yeah, but you need them, too.

02:05:17.000 In that environment, I think, you need the occasional dusting and sprinkling.

02:05:23.000 Totally.

02:05:23.000 But that's a different situation, because you've got a super genius.

02:05:26.000 That Trey Parker dude's a super genius.

02:05:32.000 That's one thing, but those sitcoms, When you're working on a sitcom, that's when it becomes really apparent.

02:05:38.000 And it's also, one of the weird things about comedy writers is some comedy writers are stand-up comics, but most of them are not.

02:05:45.000 So where are they practicing all this comedy?

02:05:49.000 You don't perform it, but you know it's funny.

02:05:52.000 You sure?

02:05:53.000 Are you sure?

02:05:54.000 Are you sure something's funny?

02:05:55.000 Because I write a lot of things down that I think is going to be funny, and they're not really funny.

02:05:59.000 How do you practice You don't.

02:06:02.000 You get taken by people like me that get added to the writer's room and you get fucking housed and it makes these people have to...

02:06:09.000 What do you mean you get taken?

02:06:10.000 I come in, and all of a sudden, I'm writing the jokes that are making it to the actual episode, for example.

02:06:19.000 There's got to be some funny people you're working with, too.

02:06:21.000 Totally!

02:06:22.000 Totally!

02:06:23.000 But those people, normally, by the way, are stand-up comedians as well.

02:06:27.000 There's a few gurus.

02:06:30.000 Occasionally, people have ideas that are not performers.

02:06:33.000 They just write, and they just are comedy writers, and you just go, what is going on with this?

02:06:39.000 Yeah, some people work continuously.

02:06:41.000 Some people are beasts.

02:06:44.000 It's a very interesting business.

02:06:47.000 But there's a couple people that get by on.

02:06:49.000 I don't know how.

02:06:50.000 It shocks me sometimes when I see a certain couple people in another writer's room making writer's guilt.

02:06:57.000 Writing alone is a fascinating enterprise.

02:07:00.000 Making things up.

02:07:02.000 Sitting down in front of a computer and making up scenarios.

02:07:05.000 Making up people.

02:07:06.000 Making up stories.

02:07:08.000 Making up plots. 0.99

02:07:10.000 Making up twists in the plots and characters and It's a fucking crazy way to make a living. 0.99

02:07:16.000 It is weird. 0.98

02:07:17.000 You lose your mind to formulate a world.

02:07:22.000 It's continuously asking yourself questions.

02:07:24.000 You're writing a trivia game and answering it at the same time.

02:07:28.000 Who's the character?

02:07:29.000 What would he do?

02:07:29.000 What is that?

02:07:30.000 What would he smell like?

02:07:32.000 What is this?

02:07:33.000 What would he say?

02:07:34.000 That's why comedy teams totally make sense.

02:07:37.000 But I've met the comedy guy from the comedy team after they broke up. 0.95

02:07:41.000 Like the one that got tired of the guy who's not funny and said, what the fuck am I doing with this guy?

02:07:46.000 He got tired of just reading things to the guy and the other guy writes it down. 0.96

02:07:49.000 I've met that guy too.

02:07:50.000 Those guys are brutal.

02:07:52.000 And you'll go, oh, you were a part of a team, huh?

02:07:55.000 I met two guys like that.

02:07:57.000 Joe and Joey or whatever that...

02:07:58.000 What?

02:07:59.000 That want those two Italian... 1.00

02:08:00.000 No, no, not comedians.

02:08:02.000 I'm not talking about stand-ups.

02:08:03.000 Joe and Joey.

02:08:04.000 No.

02:08:05.000 Now that's Italian.

02:08:06.000 No, I'm talking about writers.

02:08:08.000 Yeah.

02:08:10.000 I've met a bunch of those guys.

02:08:12.000 I had a development deal a long time ago with this guy.

02:08:15.000 He used to be a writer on Friends.

02:08:18.000 And this dude had bowling shoes on.

02:08:21.000 And he was a part of a comedy team, and the team broke up.

02:08:24.000 And I met with the guy, and I was like, he's wearing bowling shoes.

02:08:28.000 Like, you know, trying to be, like, wacky.

02:08:30.000 I'm like, why is he wearing bowling shoes?

02:08:31.000 Those aren't comfortable.

02:08:32.000 Like, nobody wants to wear bowling shoes.

02:08:34.000 Like, he was wearing bowling shoes because, like, bowling shoes is like, he's so wacky, he wears bowling shoes around the office. 0.98

02:08:41.000 And I was telling my manager, I was like, he's wearing fucking bowling shoes, I don't like it. 0.98

02:08:45.000 And he's like, are you serious? 0.99

02:08:46.000 I go, yeah, why is he wearing bowling shoes?

02:08:47.000 We had this conversation, he's like, why do you care?

02:08:49.000 I go, I care, because it's like, why would you, you're doing that, because you want to be wack.

02:08:53.000 Would you have an exploding tie? 0.98

02:08:55.000 He's going to be like, check out my carnation! 0.81

02:08:57.000 And it squirts you.

02:08:59.000 What does this guy, what does he think is actually funny? 1.00

02:09:02.000 He gave us the script, and it was the worst piece of shit I've ever read. 1.00

02:09:06.000 It was so bad. 1.00

02:09:07.000 It was so bad.

02:09:08.000 It was stunning.

02:09:09.000 It was so bad that the network who recommended him, and they gave him a gigantic development deal after he left this sitcom.

02:09:15.000 He might have left friends and went to another one.

02:09:17.000 I forget what it was.

02:09:18.000 But they gave this guy a gigantic network deal, like a huge development deal.

02:09:23.000 And this was the first thing that he delivered off this huge deal.

02:09:26.000 And everybody was like, oh, no.

02:09:29.000 And that's when the concept of the comedy team became apparent to me.

02:09:33.000 I went, oh, there's two of them.

02:09:34.000 And the funny one left this guy behind. 1.00

02:09:36.000 And he's like, fuck this guy. 0.99

02:09:38.000 And they're like, no, no, he's very funny too. 1.00

02:09:40.000 And most importantly, he understands story structure.

02:09:42.000 I go, no, no, no, no, no.

02:09:43.000 He's not funny.

02:09:44.000 I go, this is definitely not funny.

02:09:46.000 Well, you know, this is a first draft, and you have to realize, nope, this is a terrible concept.

02:09:51.000 Like, the concept was awful.

02:09:52.000 It was about a guy who time travels, or he's immortal, and he was, yeah, that's what it was.

02:09:58.000 He's immortal, and all he does is, like, get laid.

02:10:02.000 Like, what?

02:10:04.000 It's been around since ancient Egypt.

02:10:07.000 He's like cursed in ancient Egypt so he can never die.

02:10:09.000 And he just gets laid. 1.00

02:10:10.000 And the whole network, they're like looking at each other like, what in the fuck? 0.99

02:10:13.000 And I go, yeah, well, it's not me, so good luck with all that. 1.00

02:10:19.000 I'm fucking... 0.97

02:10:19.000 I abandoned ship. 0.97

02:10:21.000 It was hilarious.

02:10:23.000 There's things like that that get pitched every day. 0.87

02:10:25.000 There's some guy who comes into an office and I've had some fucking terrible ideas myself.

02:10:29.000 I've had some terrible ideas that I thought were good. 0.59

02:10:31.000 You write them out and you're like, this is it. 0.98

02:10:33.000 And then you put it down for a couple weeks and come back to it and you're like, what the fuck was I thinking? 0.96

02:10:38.000 Like, oh my god.

02:10:40.000 I mean, what percentage of ideas that you start out with that you bring to the stage eventually wind up making it onto a special or making it into your act permanently?

02:10:51.000 Is it even half?

02:10:54.000 Probably about half, yeah.

02:10:58.000 I think so.

02:10:59.000 Because I really don't try it unless I really, really think it's funny.

02:11:06.000 And think that it fits with my tone and everything.

02:11:09.000 You have the possibility of working those things out.

02:11:13.000 You know, hammering them out on stage.

02:11:15.000 To really knock it out of the park with a comedy script.

02:11:21.000 That's one of the things that makes South Park so particularly special.

02:11:25.000 They're not even practicing it and turning it into its best form.

02:11:29.000 They're kind of coming at you with the initial idea.

02:11:34.000 They've honed it, they've cut it down, they've edited it, they've gone over it, they've made it funnier, I'm sure.

02:11:40.000 But they don't get to do it for six months in front of various crowds and watch it come to life. 0.98

02:11:50.000 You know, if you think about guys like Stephen King, all the shit that guy's made up, just sits around and makes things up. 0.99

02:11:57.000 Did you see his new show? 0.99

02:11:58.000 The 1129, about JFK assassination and time travel?

02:12:02.000 No, I haven't even heard of it.

02:12:03.000 What's it on?

02:12:04.000 Great.

02:12:05.000 It's on Netflix.

02:12:06.000 It is?

02:12:07.000 I think.

02:12:07.000 Hulu.

02:12:09.000 James Franco's like the star of it.

02:12:10.000 Yeah.

02:12:10.000 Oh, what's it called again?

02:12:12.000 1129?

02:12:13.000 112363, I think.

02:12:14.000 Oh, so it's the day he got shot.

02:12:15.000 Oh, it's really good?

02:12:17.000 It's like a six-part show.

02:12:18.000 Yeah, it's fun.

02:12:19.000 It's fun.

02:12:19.000 It does time travel.

02:12:21.000 Franco's great in it. 0.97

02:12:23.000 Dude, you want to stop and think about all the fucking amazing entertainment Stephen King has put out over the years. 0.99

02:12:31.000 That guy's insane. 0.99

02:12:32.000 I mean, Carrie. 0.93

02:12:35.000 It.

02:12:36.000 Salem's Lot.

02:12:38.000 Christine.

02:12:40.000 I mean, you can go on and on and on and on and on.

02:12:44.000 Pet Sematary.

02:12:46.000 Maximum Overdrive. 1.00

02:12:47.000 Yeah, I mean, that guy has made some shit, man. 1.00

02:12:50.000 Misery. 1.00

02:12:51.000 James Caan and Helen, what was her name?

02:12:55.000 Kathy Bates.

02:12:56.000 Kathy Bates.

02:12:56.000 I was thinking of Helen Hunt.

02:12:58.000 Because you put her in my head earlier. 1.00

02:13:00.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

02:13:01.000 Picking up those twister balls. 1.00

02:13:03.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

02:13:04.000 God damn. 0.99

02:13:05.000 That one guy is responsible for so much iconic entertainment. 1.00

02:13:10.000 Silver Bullet.

02:13:11.000 Remember the kid in the wheelchair and the werewolf?

02:13:14.000 Things are getting remade already, too.

02:13:16.000 It's being remade right now.

02:13:17.000 It's coming out this year.

02:13:18.000 Who's remaking It?

02:13:20.000 I mean, he's part of It.

02:13:22.000 You've got to talk right into the microphone. 0.99

02:13:24.000 These mics suck. 1.00

02:13:26.000 Bill Skarsgård. 0.99

02:13:27.000 No, I don't recognize anyone that's in it.

02:13:28.000 Bill Skarsgård is Pennywise.

02:13:31.000 Skarsgård?

02:13:31.000 Oh, wow.

02:13:32.000 Why does that look like that guy?

02:13:34.000 Who's putting the show together?

02:13:37.000 I don't know.

02:13:38.000 Is it a movie?

02:13:39.000 Yeah, they're making a movie, yeah.

02:13:40.000 But that's a book that's so long.

02:13:42.000 I've read that book.

02:13:43.000 It's a long book.

02:13:45.000 It?

02:13:45.000 Yeah, that's why when they had it on television, didn't they have it on multiple part miniseries?

02:13:49.000 Yeah.

02:13:50.000 And it was that comic. 0.99

02:13:54.000 Who the fuck was that guy? 0.99

02:13:55.000 The guy from Clue. 1.00

02:13:55.000 Tim. 1.00

02:13:56.000 No, wasn't it the guy from Rocky Horror Picture Show?

02:14:00.000 Yeah.

02:14:01.000 Tim Curry.

02:14:02.000 Tim Curry. 0.98

02:14:03.000 He was the clown, right? 0.98

02:14:05.000 Yeah. 0.95

02:14:05.000 Wasn't he? 0.95

02:14:05.000 Yep. 0.95

02:14:06.000 And do you know Tim Curry is in a wheelchair now and can barely talk?

02:14:10.000 He's like a vegetable almost.

02:14:13.000 What happened?

02:14:14.000 I think he had a stroke.

02:14:15.000 Yeah, he had a really bad stroke.

02:14:18.000 No one really talks about that either.

02:14:20.000 You don't really know that. 0.98

02:14:21.000 I saw him in an interview and I was like, what the fuck happened to Tim Curry? 0.98

02:14:24.000 Oh, that's a bummer. 0.98

02:14:25.000 I didn't know that.

02:14:27.000 You know Richard Dawkins had a stroke too?

02:14:29.000 The scientist?

02:14:31.000 The selfish meme?

02:14:33.000 You don't know who that guy is?

02:14:35.000 Uh-uh.

02:14:36.000 He's a pretty famous atheist and scientist and author.

02:14:41.000 And he had a stroke, but he recovered.

02:14:44.000 And it didn't affect his cognitive function, but it did affect the way his hands moved.

02:14:49.000 He can't play the piano.

02:14:50.000 And it also affected, he can't, I think he can't sing.

02:14:55.000 Anymore.

02:14:56.000 He can't pull it off.

02:14:58.000 He's diminished.

02:14:59.000 But he still speaks, which is really interesting. 0.95

02:15:03.000 The part of his brain that was affected by the stroke, it didn't fuck him up to the point where he can't sing anymore.

02:15:10.000 Or he can't talk anymore. 0.88

02:15:11.000 He talks just as well as he always did.

02:15:13.000 Makes really lucid points.

02:15:15.000 Still very smart.

02:15:16.000 It's nuts how it's probably like a microscopic fraction of a difference, like a stroke, what it hits and what it doesn't hit, you know what I mean?

02:15:24.000 Well, it could hit any portion of your brain, but the portion that it hit on his brain just affect motor skills, apparently, fortunately for him. 0.99

02:15:32.000 But fuck, man, what a weird feeling to know that your body's just kind of like short-circuiting like that. 0.99

02:15:38.000 You blew a fuse, you know? 1.00

02:15:41.000 I blew a circuit the other day where you plug something in and it doesn't work. 1.00

02:15:46.000 You're like, what the fuck? 0.98

02:15:47.000 Then you go out to the circuit board. 1.00

02:15:49.000 Oh, look at that, this fucking flipper. 1.00

02:15:51.000 Flip that sucker over and then it starts working again. 1.00

02:15:53.000 And you've got to think, man. 0.99

02:15:55.000 That's kind of like your brain's almost like a biological circuit board.

02:16:01.000 There's a bunch of electricity going through there, a bunch of neurons firing, all these cells in there.

02:16:07.000 And every now and then one of them goes...

02:16:12.000 And that can happen to you.

02:16:14.000 Is Tim Conway still alive?

02:16:16.000 That's a good question.

02:16:18.000 His son was a really good radio host.

02:16:20.000 Yeah, he still is, right?

02:16:21.000 Conway and Steckler.

02:16:22.000 He's 83. Tim Conway.

02:16:24.000 Wow.

02:16:24.000 A lot of them kicking.

02:16:25.000 I love that guy.

02:16:26.000 Yeah, Conway and Steckler.

02:16:27.000 They used to have a really good radio show on that FM talk station.

02:16:30.000 I think he's still doing something.

02:16:31.000 I heard him the other day on something.

02:16:33.000 Tim Conway Jr. You'd never hear about him.

02:16:36.000 He would have a great podcast, that guy.

02:16:39.000 Maybe he does.

02:16:40.000 He does?

02:16:40.000 Yeah, I typed in his name and it pops up.

02:16:43.000 The Tim Conway.

02:16:44.000 I think it's that show.

02:16:46.000 Tim Conway Jr. On Demand, it says.

02:16:48.000 I think it's just called his name.

02:16:50.000 Well, there you go.

02:16:51.000 I did his show at Gang of Times way back in the day.

02:16:54.000 Back when talk radio was crazy, they had a whole network A whole radio station devoted to talk radio in LA. It was crazy.

02:17:04.000 I remember listening to it.

02:17:05.000 They went all talk.

02:17:07.000 When I was on news radio, I'd be driving to work.

02:17:10.000 I'm like, this is great.

02:17:11.000 They just talk. 1.00

02:17:13.000 They would just have funny shit. 1.00

02:17:14.000 Occasionally, they'd have a whack host. 1.00

02:17:16.000 They'd let a few whack ones in there. 1.00

02:17:17.000 It was AM radio?

02:17:19.000 No, FM. FM talk.

02:17:21.000 Wow.

02:17:22.000 Yeah.

02:17:22.000 He's on the air here, KFI AM 640 from 6 to 10 weekdays.

02:17:31.000 Oh, he does the morning show.

02:17:32.000 They put that on at night, 6 to 10 p.m.

02:17:35.000 Oh, 6 to 10 p.m.

02:17:36.000 And they take that and put it as a podcast.

02:17:37.000 He had a nighttime show back then, too.

02:17:39.000 What happened to that Steckler, guys?

02:17:40.000 He's still around?

02:17:43.000 The Apple Dumpling Gang. 0.59

02:17:45.000 The Apple Dumpling Gang. 0.59

02:17:46.000 I didn't even know about that.

02:17:47.000 You always bring that up.

02:17:49.000 I don't know what that reference is.

02:17:50.000 What is that reference to?

02:17:51.000 Tim Conway and Don Knotts.

02:17:53.000 The movie.

02:17:55.000 Your daughters would love it.

02:17:56.000 Probably not.

02:17:58.000 Have you gotten to show them any of my favorites?

02:18:01.000 Beetlejuice?

02:18:01.000 That'd be a fun one to watch.

02:18:03.000 Yeah, they like that.

02:18:03.000 They like that a lot.

02:18:04.000 But you know what they thought was fucking hilarious? 0.96

02:18:06.000 Talladega Nights. 0.97

02:18:07.000 They were howling.

02:18:09.000 A little inappropriate.

02:18:10.000 A few inappropriate moments. 1.00

02:18:12.000 A few inappropriate things they say, but goddamn, that fucking show was funny. 1.00

02:18:15.000 That movie, rather, was funny. 1.00

02:18:16.000 Did you show them Moana or whatever?

02:18:18.000 Yeah, they loved that.

02:18:19.000 That was amazing.

02:18:20.000 Star Wars?

02:18:21.000 Yeah, they've seen Star Wars.

02:18:22.000 It's funny, I watched the old Star Wars.

02:18:24.000 You watch the old Star Wars, then you watch the new Star Wars, and the special effects.

02:18:29.000 They look like some school project.

02:18:31.000 It literally looks like something that a million kids could do better on the internet right now.

02:18:36.000 I wasn't a fan of the new one.

02:18:38.000 I fell asleep like 15 times during it.

02:18:40.000 I didn't see the newest new one.

02:18:41.000 I saw the one before the new one where Han Solo dies.

02:18:44.000 I didn't see the newest new one.

02:18:46.000 I liked the newest new one.

02:18:48.000 I heard the newest new one was one of the best ones.

02:18:50.000 Yeah, it definitely was.

02:18:51.000 Brian says no? 0.99

02:18:51.000 I think it was boring as fuck. 0.99

02:18:53.000 Brian needed sleep that day. 0.99

02:18:55.000 Yeah, you probably...

02:18:56.000 No, I even saw it in 3D. Maybe it was because it was in 3D. 3D's not good?

02:19:02.000 No, the 3D was an afterthought 3D. Where they're like, let's make it 3D. It wasn't anything awesome.

02:19:09.000 I think I'd rather not have seen it in 3D. I think maybe that might have been it.

02:19:12.000 It was so boring.

02:19:14.000 There was no 3D going on, so it was just like, my eyes are getting tired.

02:19:18.000 I just need to sleep.

02:19:19.000 I kept on falling asleep.

02:19:21.000 You sound unhealthy.

02:19:22.000 No, no.

02:19:23.000 But I thought it was just me.

02:19:25.000 I thought it was something like I didn't have any sleep. 0.99

02:19:27.000 But then people I've read on Twitter agree and said the same exact shit. 0.98

02:19:32.000 There's probably people that follow you and they're like, I'm sleepy too. 0.99

02:19:37.000 I would like to see what you thought.

02:19:38.000 I thought the acting was horrible.

02:19:41.000 Really?

02:19:41.000 Yeah.

02:19:42.000 Horrible acting.

02:19:43.000 I literally know nothing about it. 1.00

02:19:44.000 You're a crazy person. 1.00

02:19:45.000 Okay. 1.00

02:19:45.000 You know what I'm excited for? 1.00

02:19:47.000 John Wick 2. Yeah!

02:19:49.000 I'm down with that.

02:19:50.000 I just saw a good movie last...

02:19:51.000 I shouldn't say good.

02:19:53.000 It was pretty good.

02:19:55.000 It wasn't great.

02:19:56.000 That movie Split, which is getting a lot of news right now.

02:19:59.000 Oh, that's that M. Night Shyamalan with Ding Dong movie?

02:20:01.000 Yeah, it did surprisingly well. 1.00

02:20:02.000 Fuck that, dude. 1.00

02:20:03.000 He keeps tricking me. 1.00

02:20:04.000 I know, yeah.

02:20:04.000 It wasn't one of those kind of like, oh, there's a big twist at the end.

02:20:08.000 Everyone's saying there's a twist at the end.

02:20:09.000 It's not that... 0.55

02:20:10.000 It's not as big of a fucking surprise or anything like that, but the movie itself was pretty interesting. 0.96

02:20:14.000 It's about people with DID, which is dissociative identity disorder, which is fucking weird. 0.96

02:20:21.000 I looked up some more stuff on it. 0.99

02:20:24.000 If it's real the way that this movie depicts it, it's fucking insane. 0.99

02:20:30.000 Well, people definitely have blown brains. 0.99

02:20:33.000 But that M. Night Shyamalama Ding Dong guy, he got me with that fucking elevator movie. 0.99

02:20:38.000 I'm like, I'll watch The Devil's in the Elevator, man. 0.98

02:20:42.000 I skipped a bunch of the movies. 1.00

02:20:44.000 I'm like, you motherfucker! 1.00

02:20:46.000 I think the Marky Mark one where the trees kill people. 1.00

02:20:48.000 Yeah, the trees come to life and kill folks.

02:20:51.000 Yeah, he got me with that one, too.

02:20:53.000 He got me with the village.

02:20:54.000 You know, the people that live in the village.

02:20:56.000 They find out there's planes flying over the head.

02:20:58.000 They walk out to the road.

02:20:59.000 It's walking distance!

02:21:01.000 They didn't even bring food!

02:21:03.000 Sixth Sense was cool.

02:21:04.000 Signs was scary at points, but really bad movie. 1.00

02:21:07.000 But stop and think how fucking stupid that village concept was. 1.00

02:21:10.000 They had this village. 1.00

02:21:10.000 They thought they were living in the 1800s. 1.00

02:21:12.000 But meanwhile, they're in modern America.

02:21:15.000 And the way this experiment, the way they protect this experiment, planes didn't fly over it.

02:21:20.000 Oh, okay. 0.93

02:21:21.000 Well, surely you must be no fucking where near people. 0.95

02:21:26.000 Oh, you're right over there? 0.97

02:21:27.000 Oh, you could just walk.

02:21:28.000 You could just walk to the town and they didn't find out about you all these years. 1.00

02:21:32.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:21:34.000 Fireworks, 4th of July. 1.00

02:21:35.000 Come on.

02:21:36.000 There's going to be something.

02:21:37.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:21:38.000 Get the fuck out of here, bitch. 1.00

02:21:39.000 Get out of here. 1.00

02:21:40.000 I don't think I saw The Village now that I think about it. 1.00

02:21:43.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

02:21:44.000 It was so stupid. 1.00

02:21:45.000 I thought it was about monsters too. 1.00

02:21:47.000 The monsters are taking people.

02:21:48.000 It's like people dressed like monsters.

02:21:50.000 If you want your heart to beat, watch a movie called Don't Breathe.

02:21:53.000 Unbelievable.

02:21:54.000 A movie about a bunch of punk, cool, smart, like, thieve kids that are coming up and on a good run of robberies.

02:22:01.000 And they go and they see that this former Vietnam vet...

02:22:06.000 He won a ton of money in a lawsuit and someone close to him at the bank said that he took it all out in cash and has it in his house.

02:22:14.000 So they got this hot tip that this guy has a couple million in cash in his house and he's some old, old Vietnam vet.

02:22:21.000 So let's do that.

02:22:22.000 Don't say anymore!

02:22:24.000 Spoiler! 0.99

02:22:25.000 What the fuck, dude? 0.99

02:22:26.000 I showed you the trailer for this. 1.00

02:22:28.000 That's literally the setup.

02:22:29.000 I showed you the trailer for this on the podcast and I mistakenly said it was the guy from the Kevin Smith movie and you called it out as the guy from Avatar, like the general from Avatar.

02:22:36.000 Yeah, that guy.

02:22:37.000 Now I remember it.

02:22:39.000 Don't breathe.

02:22:40.000 You know what else is supposed to be really good?

02:22:41.000 There's a zombie movie that I think was made in England.

02:22:44.000 I think it's called The Girl with All the Gifts.

02:22:48.000 And it's about a kid that's a zombie.

02:22:51.000 Like, there's a disease.

02:22:52.000 And these people get it, and it turns them frantic.

02:22:57.000 And this one girl, I think they're using, according to the trailer, they're using her to make a vaccine. 0.99

02:23:06.000 But these fucking pandemic disease movies where people go crazy and start killing each other, they seem a little scarier now that Trump's in office. 0.99

02:23:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:23:16.000 Are you serious about that Trump getting a mask thing?

02:23:19.000 Like how great that would be.

02:23:20.000 I am you.

02:23:22.000 He's better now.

02:23:24.000 I am your president.

02:23:26.000 Dude, you should have been here the inauguration night.

02:23:28.000 Inauguration night, we did a podcast in here with Jeff Ross, and Jeff Ross was freaking me out.

02:23:33.000 He knows Trump.

02:23:34.000 He roasted Trump.

02:23:35.000 He's like, he's never leaving.

02:23:36.000 He's going to be there for 20 years, and he'll leave, but he'll make sure that somebody who's his friend gets elected, and he'll be his advisor, and he'll be right there with him, then his son will get in.

02:23:47.000 He's like, that's it.

02:23:48.000 It's over now.

02:23:48.000 He's in.

02:23:49.000 That's so funny.

02:23:50.000 Wow.

02:23:51.000 And then the moment he gets in, he takes the LBGT page off the White House, and he takes the civil rights page off the White House.

02:24:00.000 No, that happens with every presidential change.

02:24:02.000 I read a whole thing about that.

02:24:03.000 They take the LBGT page.

02:24:04.000 They archive everything.

02:24:05.000 They take everything from everybody's thing and completely scratch it. 0.99

02:24:09.000 And then they put up the new page with the new president who doesn't give a fuck about LBGT, who doesn't give a fuck about climate change, and who doesn't give a fuck about civil rights. 0.99

02:24:19.000 Same thing. 0.99

02:24:20.000 Still the same thing, no matter what.

02:24:22.000 Like, what he decided to remove and not replace.

02:24:25.000 But I think it's like a process, though, right?

02:24:28.000 Is it?

02:24:28.000 I think so.

02:24:29.000 You don't think they would have a website in place?

02:24:30.000 I read a whole thing, and maybe, again, I can't cite the source, because like I told you earlier, I'm smoking twice as much weed as I ever have before in my life.

02:24:40.000 But I read that that's a thing that happened when Barack took office.

02:24:45.000 A lot of this stuff, by the way, that's happening is stuff that It's a very regular thing.

02:24:51.000 People are freaking out about his cabinet picks, but I read a whole thing on that where it's like, yeah, that's how this stuff works.

02:24:59.000 You still have to get approved by the Senate.

02:25:01.000 His cabinet picks tell a lot about his intentions, like the guy, the former Exxon CEO. But don't you think that's sort of good to have?

02:25:10.000 Do you know that he put a five-year...

02:25:12.000 He's the first president to say that you can't just go join lobbies and you can't get rich.

02:25:17.000 You're not going to get rich off of me.

02:25:19.000 So I think maybe if that guy who he interviewed, who's Trump known for hiring people, that's what his specialty is... 0.99

02:25:27.000 If he hired that guy for a reason, and if it's because he's such a fucking freak that he might be one of the people to fix the economy, look how much money he made Mobile X on, I'm just saying that if he's right, then fuck, that'd be so great. 0.98

02:25:41.000 I'm rooting for the guy. 0.99

02:25:43.000 It seems scary and stuff, but I think he has a plan.

02:25:45.000 If he's right about what?

02:25:46.000 See, the problem is, everyone knows there's a real transparent deal that Obama blocked, where Exxon was trying to drill, and they were trying to make this deal with Russia, and Exxon got cock-blocked by Obama.

02:25:59.000 And now that Obama's out, and the former Exxon CEO is in, People are wondering, are they doing something that the environmentalists think could potentially be a huge disaster, and are they doing it for profit?

02:26:15.000 I don't know.

02:26:16.000 I don't follow it enough.

02:26:17.000 That's when I'm not optimistic, though.

02:26:19.000 That's when I get nervous.

02:26:21.000 But then again, things like this Dakota pipeline, you know about that, right?

02:26:24.000 The Dakota Pipeline, they were trying... 0.99

02:26:26.000 I mean, they fucking did, man. 0.99

02:26:27.000 They arrested people for trying to protest them. 0.99

02:26:30.000 This government decided...

02:26:32.000 This easement they decided to put through people's private land.

02:26:38.000 These guys had ranchers.

02:26:39.000 There's a river that runs through that.

02:26:41.000 And they wanted to drill this pipeline right under the river.

02:26:44.000 And if it blew...

02:26:45.000 Which they do all the time.

02:26:47.000 If it goes bad, this whole river system gets totally poisoned.

02:26:51.000 And they successfully blocked it.

02:26:54.000 But people had to put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into it.

02:27:00.000 And they had to protest for a long time.

02:27:01.000 They got shot at with water hoses and freezing cold weather.

02:27:05.000 That happened under Obama's watch though, right?

02:27:07.000 Yep.

02:27:08.000 So, I mean, it's one of those things where it's like, at least we're learning that if you do have to make some sacrifices and protest in a certain situation like that, that maybe it will work, I guess. 0.93

02:27:19.000 It is interesting that it happened under Obama's watch and he didn't do jack shit about it. 0.89

02:27:22.000 He didn't freak out. 0.94

02:27:24.000 He had to have been aware.

02:27:25.000 He had to know that these people are protesting a very dangerous situation. 1.00

02:27:30.000 It's all fucked up, man. 0.99

02:27:32.000 There's so much profit to be made. 0.99

02:27:34.000 And then these guys have to think, hey, if we don't do this, then we're reliant upon the salt number nine is gold underwear.

02:27:40.000 Because that's the only place where we're going to get our oil from, right?

02:27:42.000 We have to get our oil from the Middle East.

02:27:44.000 Should we get it ourselves?

02:27:45.000 Should we get it this way?

02:27:46.000 Is that better?

02:27:47.000 Is it better for our country?

02:27:48.000 How do we do it without fucking up the environment?

02:27:50.000 Can you prove to me that we're not going to fuck up the environment?

02:27:52.000 And then they think they do, and then they go out, and they go, oh, sir, we've got a problem.

02:27:56.000 Earthquakes have increased by 500%.

02:27:58.000 Earthquakes?

02:27:59.000 What do you mean, earthquakes?

02:28:00.000 Well, we didn't anticipate this, but apparently when you frack and drill holes in the ground, the earth shifts, and we have some serious earthquakes. 0.97

02:28:09.000 And unfortunately, because of that shifting, some of that shit has gotten into the water supply. 0.94

02:28:14.000 And that's where they are right now in Oklahoma. 0.96

02:28:18.000 Oklahoma, they're having a fuckton of earthquakes, and they're trying to figure out what to do, because these guys are just digging holes in the ground. 0.98

02:28:25.000 I mean, we're crazy monsters. 0.98

02:28:27.000 We're like termites. 0.98

02:28:28.000 We're termites.

02:28:29.000 We're digging holes into the ground, and we're sucking up all the juicy stuff so we can light fires.

02:28:35.000 That's what we're doing.

02:28:37.000 We're lighting fires.

02:28:38.000 We're lighting gas fires and oil fires.

02:28:40.000 We just contain them inside these metal blocks.

02:28:42.000 I mean, that's what we're doing.

02:28:44.000 What we need all this stuff for is combustion engines to make plastic so we can choke birds.

02:28:51.000 That's what we're doing.

02:28:52.000 We're choking birds and lighting fires.

02:28:55.000 They're going to tap our natural resources on federal lands according to the first energy plan on the White House website.

02:29:04.000 It says we have, this is the quote from, we must take advantage of the estimated $50 trillion in untapped shale, oil, and natural gas reserves, especially those on federal lands that the American people own.

02:29:15.000 I mean, that's super interesting.

02:29:17.000 That's a terrible thing.

02:29:19.000 That's a terrible thing.

02:29:20.000 Yeah.

02:29:20.000 That's a terrible thing, because that's what we were talking about with Teddy Roosevelt, the public land, and having public land, and how it's such a huge issue, and such an amazing resource, like places like Yellowstone, like all these...

02:29:34.000 Places where you can go and hike and camp and fish and hunt and enjoy this insane piece of nature that we have here.

02:29:42.000 This insane piece of wilderness.

02:29:45.000 We have an amazing public land system in this country.

02:29:48.000 And there's a bunch of people that are working really hard to keep that in place. 0.98

02:29:52.000 But when they start talking about taking out the natural resources and drilling into it and shit, it doesn't look good. 0.96

02:30:00.000 Alright, everybody's checking their watches. 0.98

02:30:01.000 Time to get out of here.

02:30:02.000 It's 1234. We did enough.

02:30:05.000 We did like two hours, right?

02:30:06.000 Did we do two hours?

02:30:07.000 Two and a half hours.

02:30:08.000 Two and a half hours.

02:30:09.000 Jesus Christ.

02:30:10.000 Enough.

02:30:10.000 Enough already.

02:30:11.000 Okay, everybody.

02:30:12.000 Bye.

02:30:13.000 Say bye.

02:30:14.000 Bye.

02:30:14.000 Say bye.

02:30:15.000 Bye-bye.

02:30:16.000 Bye-bye.

02:30:16.000 We'll probably do this again.

02:30:18.000 Hey, maybe the next one we'll try to do on stage.

02:30:20.000 Who knows?

02:30:21.000 Or we'll sneak one in here where we don't have people coming down and knocking on the door and trying to take selfies in front of the door.

02:30:27.000 Hey, come see me do stand-up comedy.

02:30:29.000 Me?

02:30:30.000 Not you.

02:30:31.000 No, I'm talking to the listeners.

02:30:32.000 Oh.

02:30:33.000 Are you looking in my eyes?

02:30:34.000 You come.

02:30:34.000 Where am I going?

02:30:35.000 You're coming to San Antonio this weekend, Chicago.

02:30:38.000 Jesus, Texas?

02:30:39.000 Yeah.

02:30:39.000 Texas?

02:30:40.000 Yeah.

02:30:40.000 All weekend.

02:30:41.000 San Antonio, Chicago, Calgary, the River Center Improv.

02:30:45.000 All these dates are at TonyHinchcliffe.com.

02:30:46.000 I didn't even know that existed.

02:30:48.000 San Antonio is an improv?

02:30:49.000 Yeah.

02:30:49.000 We're going to the Royal Rumble on Sunday.

02:30:51.000 Me and a whole gang of people here.

02:30:52.000 Wow.

02:30:52.000 And they're all doing the shows with me.

02:30:54.000 It's like a dream weekend. 0.98

02:30:55.000 Brian's making gay... 0.99

02:30:56.000 Oh yeah. 0.99

02:30:58.000 The guy that falls asleep in movies because he's got the...

02:31:02.000 Body of a...

02:31:02.000 Go on, Brian.

02:31:04.000 TonyHinchcliffe.com for all those tour names.

02:31:05.000 TonyHinchcliffe.com, ladies and gentlemen.

02:31:07.000 Brian, wherefore art thou?

02:31:09.000 How about this? 0.99

02:31:11.000 February 1st, Comedy Store, Main Room, and some other shit. 0.95

02:31:15.000 Go to DeathSquad.tv. 1.00

02:31:16.000 DeathSquad.tv, you sons of bitches. 1.00

02:31:19.000 Joe Rogan just did Kill Tony. 1.00

02:31:21.000 I just did Kill Tony!

02:31:22.000 Listen to us judge young comedians in Kill Tony episode 200 is coming up in the Main Room in March.

02:31:26.000 And the Kill Tony we did today was a good one. 0.98

02:31:28.000 The girl at the end, what was her name?

02:31:30.000 Uh...

02:31:32.000 Kirsten...

02:31:32.000 What is it?

02:31:34.000 Dirty Hippie Comic.

02:31:36.000 That's a Dirty Hippie Comic on Twitter. 0.99

02:31:39.000 She's fucking hilarious. 1.00

02:31:41.000 She's really funny. 0.99

02:31:42.000 She was good.

02:31:43.000 She killed me. 0.91

02:31:43.000 And we filmed tonight in VR, so there's two streams. 0.91

02:31:46.000 Jesus Christ, what more do you want, you fucks? 1.00

02:31:49.000 Got it. 0.99

02:31:50.000 Alright, folks, that's it.

02:31:52.000 I'll see you soon.

02:31:53.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - January 24, 2017

Joe Rogan Experience #903 - Tony Hinchcliffe & Brian Redban

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript