The Joe Rogan Experience - February 13, 2017


Joe Rogan Experience #915 - Nick DiPaolo


Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 1 minute

Words per minute

221.44246

Word count

26,968

Sentence count

3,189

Harmful content

Misogyny

157

sentences flagged

Hate speech

87

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Nick talks about how he's scared of power outages and how he doesn't understand computers and technology. Nick also talks about his fear of electricity and how it can kill you if you don't know the difference between alternating current and direct current. And how he uses a generator in case the power goes out in the winter. We hope you enjoy this episode and that it makes you feel a little better about yourself and your life. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! Thanks for listening and Good Luck Out There! Timestamps: 5:00 - How do we become old men that don't understand technology? 8:30 - I'm not smart enough 9:00 What's the worst thing he's afraid of 11:15 - Power outages 13:00- I'm scared of electricity 16:30 17:00 The difference between direct current and alternating current 18:20 - How to survive a power outage 19:40 - How much power you should have 21:15 22:00 What's your fear of the dark 23:00 Do you have a generator 24:00 Is there anything you're afraid of? 25:00 Are you afraid of electricity? 26:40 27: What do you like about the dark? 29: What would you like to be scared of 30: What s your biggest pet peeing problem 32: What are you scared of ? 33:00 How do you would you be afraid of the most? 35:00 Can you be a little bit more than you're scared of it? 36:00 Does it feel like you don t know what you would like to have a propane generator? 37:00 38:30 Do you know what's your favorite thing? 39:30 What s a good thing you would do with your power source? 40:00 Would you want to be more comfortable in the cold weather in the next episode 41: Does it run on propane or propane? 45:30 Is it run better than your power? 47:30 Does it have a small one? 44:00 Should you know how to use it better than you can use it in the snow?

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:01.000 Five, four, three, two, one.
00:00:05.000 Nick DiPaolo, ladies and gentlemen!
00:00:07.000 Joey Boy!
00:00:08.000 Nick, how do we become old men that don't understand computers and technology anymore?
00:00:12.000 How'd that happen?
00:00:13.000 Even if I was 20, I still wouldn't get it.
00:00:15.000 I'm not smart enough.
00:00:16.000 You would doubt it.
00:00:17.000 Stop being so hard on yourself.
00:00:19.000 Your boy Jamie seems to have a grasp on it.
00:00:21.000 Jamie's on the ball.
00:00:22.000 He must be German.
00:00:22.000 No, he's just on the ball.
00:00:24.000 He just understands shit.
00:00:25.000 He understands certain shit that I... Is there anything that I understand that you don't understand?
00:00:29.000 Yeah, a lot of shit about cars.
00:00:31.000 And chicks, right?
00:00:33.000 What happened there?
00:00:36.000 A lot of things about cars, but that's just because you don't pay attention to cars.
00:00:40.000 It doesn't register.
00:00:42.000 Some of it just goes in and out.
00:00:44.000 Car stuff?
00:00:44.000 I've heard about it a lot.
00:00:45.000 Some things with electronics is the same way.
00:00:47.000 There's a certain level of electricity.
00:00:49.000 I'm scared of electricity.
00:00:50.000 Ohms and stuff like that.
00:00:51.000 I don't want to die, so I just stop listening.
00:00:53.000 My buddy Jimmy Dettilio from Newton, Newton, Mass.
00:00:58.000 He's an electrician and one of the guys that he used to work with.
00:01:01.000 Well, I'll never forget this.
00:01:02.000 He was telling me this.
00:01:03.000 Oh, look, someone likes to fucking hear the ding every time the text goes off.
00:01:05.000 No, I don't.
00:01:06.000 The ding!
00:01:08.000 That's so bad.
00:01:09.000 Electricity.
00:01:09.000 I'm shutting off.
00:01:10.000 He was working with this guy, and I don't remember what he was working on, but the guy just got just totally zapped, blew off all of his skin.
00:01:19.000 His fucking ears are gone.
00:01:21.000 His eyelids are gone.
00:01:22.000 I mean, it just...
00:01:23.000 But he survived.
00:01:24.000 He became a monster, but survived.
00:01:25.000 And I'll never forget that.
00:01:27.000 I'll never forget him telling me about that guy.
00:01:29.000 And from that moment on, from when I was like 16, I've been fucking terrified of electricity.
00:01:34.000 Yeah, because you can't see it and shit.
00:01:36.000 Yeah, it's crazy.
00:01:37.000 We live in a box, right?
00:01:38.000 And in the walls of this box is this fucking invisible thing that if you stick a fork in there, it'll kill you.
00:01:46.000 Just blow your fucking brains out. 0.55
00:01:48.000 Well, it actually does.
00:01:49.000 It's like a fail-safe, right?
00:01:50.000 If you stick a force in it, you just get a horrible jolt.
00:01:53.000 That's the thing.
00:01:54.000 I don't know.
00:01:56.000 That's the difference between alternating current and direct current, right?
00:02:00.000 Isn't it?
00:02:01.000 If I knew that answer, I wouldn't be afraid of it.
00:02:03.000 Well, apparently in England, they have a far higher level of electricity that's going through their walls.
00:02:10.000 Yeah, because the shit, when you go over there, you have to have special adapters.
00:02:13.000 Yeah, that shit just kills everybody that's stupid.
00:02:16.000 We let the stupid people live.
00:02:18.000 In England, if you stick a fork in the wall, it finds your whole family and kills them, too.
00:02:23.000 It's apparently super powerful.
00:02:25.000 I was changing the filter.
00:02:26.000 I have a generator, a cola generator.
00:02:28.000 You know, it runs on, like, natural gas and shit.
00:02:30.000 Oh, for in case the winter comes, when winter comes.
00:02:32.000 I live at the end of a dirt road in the woods.
00:02:34.000 So when the power goes out, mine's usually the first house to go out.
00:02:38.000 And it kicks right, it's the best thing I ever did.
00:02:40.000 But I'm out there like fucking changing the filter.
00:02:42.000 And then all of a sudden I look over and there's little instructions like on the inside of the door saying, you have to disconnect the battery.
00:02:48.000 Oh no, and you're not.
00:02:49.000 I got like a fucking can of Coke in my hand.
00:02:52.000 You know, I can hardly see what I'm doing.
00:02:53.000 Screwdriver in your mouth.
00:02:56.000 Yeah, I am frightened of that shit.
00:02:57.000 When I lived in Colorado, we had one of those.
00:02:59.000 It was running on propane.
00:03:00.000 So when the power would go out, it's awesome.
00:03:02.000 The power would go out, it goes click, and then...
00:03:04.000 Right up.
00:03:06.000 You would hear it immediately.
00:03:07.000 In one second, it just fucking...
00:03:08.000 The guy that told me the house told me to get it.
00:03:12.000 He had like a small one.
00:03:13.000 He said you should get her, you know.
00:03:15.000 Does yours run on propane?
00:03:16.000 Yeah.
00:03:17.000 Yeah, it's 250 gallons.
00:03:19.000 Yeah, that lasts a long time too, right?
00:03:21.000 250 gallons lasts a few days.
00:03:23.000 Unbelievable.
00:03:23.000 It ran for, we had last year, we had a storm in Nepal and it ran for two and a half days and it only moved the needle like a little.
00:03:30.000 It was like, this is the fucking balls, man.
00:03:31.000 I know, it is kind of crazy how little it uses.
00:03:33.000 Yeah.
00:03:34.000 Yeah, when that big storm hit, was that like a year or two years ago where the one where there was no food and people were going to Dunkin' Donuts and eating up all the croissants?
00:03:43.000 There was like nothing there.
00:03:44.000 That just goes to show you how goddamn fragile our whole structure is.
00:03:49.000 We have this false sense of security that...
00:03:51.000 Much more so over there than over here.
00:03:53.000 Over here, at least it doesn't get cold.
00:03:55.000 But over there, you know, when you get trapped and it snows, you're kind of fucked.
00:03:59.000 Like, I just got back from New York.
00:04:01.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:04:02.000 I just flew back yesterday.
00:04:04.000 And I was supposed to fly in on Thursday, but they got hit with 14 inches, and everything just shut down.
00:04:10.000 They just canceled the flight.
00:04:10.000 I was headed to Chicago.
00:04:12.000 Mine got canceled.
00:04:13.000 Yeah.
00:04:14.000 So...
00:04:15.000 You know, then the airlines, like, they do you a favor.
00:04:17.000 They send you a text, like, at 3 in the morning while you're sleeping.
00:04:20.000 Exactly.
00:04:21.000 We found you another booking.
00:04:22.000 Oh, that's great.
00:04:23.000 It's a fucking LaGuardia, which is 48 miles from my house.
00:04:26.000 It's 7 a.m.
00:04:27.000 You're sitting in seat 48G. Oh, yeah, I can't wait to fucking... 1.00
00:04:30.000 Thanks.
00:04:30.000 And I had to change in Louisville, and I did that, and we sat on the tarmac for two hours.
00:04:37.000 That's always fun.
00:04:38.000 This is why I don't do the road anymore.
00:04:40.000 People out here yell at me, you never come to California.
00:04:42.000 I go, I'll drive to New Jersey, make the same money in one night.
00:04:45.000 Also, it's hard to get out here in the winter, especially.
00:04:48.000 Yeah.
00:04:48.000 I was on the tarmac yesterday, and they had to de-ice, and then we apparently sat on the runway too long, and we had to go back and de-ice again.
00:05:00.000 Whatever, I'm complaining.
00:05:01.000 It used to take six months to get over here on a horse.
00:05:03.000 No, but it's still fucking aggravating.
00:05:06.000 I mean...
00:05:07.000 They used to ride horses.
00:05:08.000 They used to take a horse with a wooden wheeled fucking sled behind it, and you used to tow that, and your baby would be on the sled with your wife, and everybody would be scared of Indians. 0.97
00:05:17.000 They still do that in Tulsa.
00:05:20.000 I don't think they do that anymore.
00:05:22.000 I actually...
00:05:23.000 I actually...
00:05:25.000 But people make fun of the flyover states.
00:05:28.000 And I sit in New York traffic, because now I live in the suburbs like an asshole.
00:05:33.000 I have to drive into the city.
00:05:34.000 And the mayor does not want cars in the city.
00:05:37.000 He's made it impossible.
00:05:38.000 There's bike lanes on both sides of you.
00:05:40.000 There's skateboard lanes.
00:05:41.000 There's lanes for old people.
00:05:42.000 Where is this?
00:05:43.000 In New York City.
00:05:44.000 Is that hard?
00:05:45.000 Oh, yeah.
00:05:45.000 It doesn't move.
00:05:46.000 No, the city doesn't work anymore.
00:05:47.000 They changed the lanes?
00:05:48.000 Oh, fuck yeah.
00:05:50.000 You should not bring your car in, and I do all the time, like an idiot.
00:05:53.000 While I'm sitting there, and I'm complaining in my car, I go, you know, I would fucking kill to live in Tulsa right now.
00:05:59.000 Eight minutes downtown to pick up something.
00:06:03.000 I think everybody has a totally different opinion of the flyover states now that Trump's president.
00:06:08.000 They're like, oh, they get to vote, too.
00:06:10.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:06:12.000 I always liked them.
00:06:13.000 No, you're exactly right.
00:06:15.000 That's exactly right.
00:06:16.000 Oh, their votes work.
00:06:18.000 This is real.
00:06:19.000 They're paying attention to it, Ohio?
00:06:21.000 Well, that was a really good point that a lot of people had when Trump got elected, was that all these people that live in these predominantly liberal areas, like California and New York in particular, New York City and California, They were all like, oh my god, Trump is horrible.
00:06:34.000 Oh my god, Trump is horrible.
00:06:36.000 We love Hillary. 0.99
00:06:37.000 We're so excited to have our first female president. 0.99
00:06:39.000 It's gonna happen.
00:06:40.000 It's gonna happen.
00:06:40.000 It's 100%.
00:06:42.000 Do you know anybody that's voting for Trump?
00:06:43.000 I don't.
00:06:44.000 Because they're so insulated, they literally don't know any conservatives, so they were convinced that she was getting in.
00:06:50.000 They said if you take out LA County and New York City, That, like, he would have won the popular vote, too.
00:06:50.000 That's exactly right.
00:06:57.000 Not even the whole state of California, just LA County and, like, a couple of bars in New York City, he would have, like, won the popular vote.
00:07:03.000 And you're right, they're in a bubble.
00:07:05.000 And what's crazy is, like, he's not a good candidate.
00:07:08.000 It's not like he's, like, the perfect Republican.
00:07:10.000 No, absolutely not.
00:07:10.000 He's not like some Ronald Reagan character.
00:07:13.000 Some upstanding guy who just look at him and, like, yeah, that's a president right there.
00:07:13.000 That's exactly right.
00:07:18.000 No, it's chaos.
00:07:18.000 No, which is kind of refreshing.
00:07:20.000 You like it?
00:07:21.000 Yes!
00:07:22.000 Everybody, for the last 30 years, I don't want to go there, but you guys know I'm a right-winger, so I'm not fucking...
00:07:27.000 I'm sure your fans don't like this.
00:07:29.000 A right-winger?
00:07:29.000 Well, no, I'm labeled that.
00:07:31.000 Are you a right-winger, or are you more of a centrist?
00:07:33.000 No, I am a centrist, but people in show business, if you lean right on two issues out of 400, you're a fucking Nazi.
00:07:39.000 Yeah, I've been called a right-winger.
00:07:41.000 Well, yeah.
00:07:42.000 I'm a pot-smoking hippie for the most part.
00:07:44.000 I know, you're a nice blend.
00:07:45.000 You're like fucking Jerry Brown when he was...
00:07:47.000 When he was sane?
00:07:48.000 Yeah, when he was sane.
00:07:49.000 That crazy fuck.
00:07:51.000 I can't believe he's really the governor.
00:07:52.000 Nobody even notices.
00:07:54.000 California doesn't even need a governor.
00:07:55.000 Like, if he died and no one said anything, he'd be like, where's Jerry?
00:07:58.000 I don't know.
00:07:59.000 Let's go eat.
00:07:59.000 What do you guys want to do?
00:08:01.000 You're right.
00:08:01.000 What do you want to eat?
00:08:01.000 Chipotle?
00:08:02.000 He doesn't show up much.
00:08:03.000 He just pops up every once in a while.
00:08:05.000 Nobody talks about him, ever, in this state.
00:08:08.000 And he's 70 what?
00:08:09.000 He's got to be 74. He's a thousand years old.
00:08:11.000 He is.
00:08:11.000 No one complains about him.
00:08:12.000 No one talks about him.
00:08:13.000 No one praises him.
00:08:14.000 It's just, he's a non-governor.
00:08:16.000 Like, when Schwarzenegger was the governor, everybody talked about him.
00:08:19.000 I can't believe the Terminator's the governor.
00:08:21.000 They had governator t-shirts at the fucking airport you could buy.
00:08:25.000 I mean, it was a real governor.
00:08:27.000 Like, we knew we had a governor.
00:08:28.000 Right.
00:08:28.000 Now, you ask the average person who just walked on the street, who's the governor of California?
00:08:32.000 They will fucking stare at you like you have three heads.
00:08:34.000 They don't even know.
00:08:35.000 Yeah.
00:08:36.000 I like that, well, is California going to succeed from the union or what?
00:08:39.000 We have to.
00:08:41.000 We have to.
00:08:43.000 It's like, you might as well.
00:08:45.000 All those assholes that are using non-organic.
00:08:48.000 What is this?
00:08:49.000 Where is Governor Jerry Brown?
00:08:50.000 Governor Jerry, what is this?
00:08:52.000 It was posted.
00:08:52.000 This is 24 minutes ago.
00:08:53.000 There we go.
00:08:54.000 Perfect.
00:08:55.000 Governor Jerry Brown's office remains mum on his location.
00:08:58.000 Oroville grapples with emergency efforts...
00:09:01.000 Oh, you heard about that fucking dams ready to blow. 0.90
00:09:04.000 Holy Christ.
00:09:05.000 Yeah, they're evacuating the area.
00:09:06.000 While the governor...
00:09:07.000 Hold on a second.
00:09:07.000 Go back there.
00:09:08.000 While the governor issued an emergency order Sunday, there has not been an update since.
00:09:08.000 Sorry.
00:09:13.000 His office was mum on his location.
00:09:16.000 Oh, he's fucking dead.
00:09:17.000 He's dead, and they don't want to give up position.
00:09:18.000 They're worried.
00:09:19.000 It sounds very Russian.
00:09:21.000 The Russian leaders, all of a sudden you don't hear about them.
00:09:21.000 Remember...
00:09:24.000 Or Scientology, when that guy's wife was missing.
00:09:26.000 Shush! 1.00
00:09:27.000 No one talks.
00:09:28.000 Oh yeah, and Leah had the balls to ask where she was.
00:09:30.000 Dude, I had her on the podcast. 0.99
00:09:31.000 I know you did.
00:09:32.000 I love her.
00:09:33.000 I'd like to meet her.
00:09:33.000 She's a ballsy lady.
00:09:36.000 Yeah, Brooklyn Spitfire.
00:09:38.000 Yeah, she's a little animal. 1.00
00:09:39.000 Very interesting that she was a Scientologist her whole life.
00:09:42.000 It almost goes contrary to how she calls bullshit on everything.
00:09:46.000 Like, how the hell did you not call bullshit on that?
00:09:48.000 It's weird.
00:09:49.000 That's my first question when I watch that stuff.
00:09:51.000 I go, really?
00:09:53.000 You walked into some office in LA and they gave you some pamphlets and said, look, we can put these on.
00:09:58.000 How is Catholicism any less ridiculous? 0.98
00:10:01.000 I don't believe in that shit either.
00:10:03.000 I was forced to go to church until about 7th grade, and then I used to start wrestling my father, you know, breaking shit on something.
00:10:11.000 And he wasn't the religious one.
00:10:12.000 He was laying in his bed and going, go to church with your mother.
00:10:15.000 I think there's a real problem with having a right and having a left.
00:10:18.000 I think as soon as you have two sides that people can pick, people just get on one side and then fucking dig their heels in.
00:10:23.000 Well, I read that book recently, and it's been out for about 10 years.
00:10:26.000 I know your boy Alex Jones is mentioned a thousand times in it.
00:10:30.000 The truth about the Bilderberg Group.
00:10:33.000 It was written like 10 years ago.
00:10:34.000 They keep updating it.
00:10:36.000 I'll never vote again.
00:10:37.000 It really is like 40 people running the whole fucking plan.
00:10:40.000 Well, if it really is, though, how the fuck did Trump get in?
00:10:43.000 Because I don't think they wanted him in.
00:10:44.000 No, but that's it.
00:10:45.000 He's a part of it.
00:10:46.000 So it's a trick.
00:10:46.000 Yes.
00:10:47.000 But he doesn't know he's a part of it.
00:10:48.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:10:49.000 That's how deep it runs.
00:10:50.000 It doesn't.
00:10:50.000 I swear to God, dude.
00:10:52.000 You haven't read this one?
00:10:53.000 The guy's name is Daniel Estulin.
00:10:53.000 No.
00:10:56.000 E-S-T-U-L-I-N. It's about eight, nine years old, this book.
00:11:00.000 And you, old fuck, I read it on vacation.
00:11:02.000 Oh.
00:11:03.000 I was walking around the beach.
00:11:05.000 I didn't see anything.
00:11:06.000 I was in a fog, going, I can't believe what a sucker I've been my whole life.
00:11:09.000 I remember I fucking bombed in Connecticut, not in Connecticut, in Pennsylvania once, because a buddy of mine gave me a copy of Best Evidence by David Lifton.
00:11:19.000 It's a conspiracy book about the assassination by this guy, David Lifton, assassination of JFK, by this guy who was...
00:11:27.000 He was apparently an accountant, and he was given some task to write some paper about the president or about the Warren Commission.
00:11:37.000 And as he was going through the Warren Commission, which is just this enormous thing, many, many volumes, he found all these inconsistencies and things that didn't make sense, and no one expected everyone to read, you know, whatever the fuck it is, 900 volumes.
00:11:47.000 Right.
00:11:47.000 So this asshole read it all, and then he just went into detail about how ridiculous the Warren Commission report was, and then he started investigating the actual facts behind the assassination itself.
00:11:58.000 It freaked me the fuck out.
00:11:59.000 I was like, they killed the president, man!
00:12:01.000 So you went on stage right after you read it?
00:12:03.000 Ate dick.
00:12:05.000 I've done that, too.
00:12:06.000 Nothing's funny.
00:12:07.000 Ate dick.
00:12:08.000 I've done that a couple times, goddammit.
00:12:11.000 Well, I did it when I was living in L.A. I read...
00:12:14.000 Robert Bork, Judge Bork's book.
00:12:16.000 To me, it crystallized a lot of shit that I was thinking.
00:12:21.000 I go, oh my god, all this is.
00:12:22.000 But I was living in LA at the time, and I'm trying to spew some of that shit like at La Jolla Comedy Store.
00:12:27.000 Can't do it.
00:12:28.000 La Jolla's a little bit more conservative.
00:12:30.000 Exactly.
00:12:30.000 Because of the military.
00:12:32.000 The original room at the comedy store.
00:12:33.000 They weren't really having it.
00:12:34.000 No.
00:12:35.000 Some lady got so fucking mad at me at the original room where I was just saying that I don't think that women should be able to guard the White House. 1.00
00:12:42.000 You know that bit that I had?
00:12:44.000 And the bit was that I can't guard the White House either.
00:12:46.000 You know how I know?
00:12:47.000 Because I met Shaquille O'Neal and his dick is where my face is.
00:12:50.000 I'm like, if the White House is experiencing a shack attack, I'm the wrong dude to save the world. 0.99
00:12:53.000 Like, people are not fucking even.
00:12:55.000 We're not even.
00:12:56.000 And then the joke, and she was fucking screaming and yelling at me. 1.00
00:12:58.000 And I go, listen, stupid, I just said, I can't do it either.
00:13:01.000 I go, do you understand that?
00:13:02.000 Yeah, no, they don't hear that part.
00:13:04.000 They hear the part you said women shouldn't.
00:13:05.000 Exactly.
00:13:06.000 That's all they glom onto.
00:13:07.000 I'm like, you know, and then I said, look, and this is where she gets really crazy and I wound up having to kick her out. 0.55
00:13:12.000 And I go, my favorite people in the world are all women.
00:13:15.000 I have a wife, I have three daughters.
00:13:16.000 They're my favorite people on the planet.
00:13:17.000 Oh my God.
00:13:18.000 But I could beat the fuck out of all of them.
00:13:20.000 And she went crazy.
00:13:21.000 She was like, that's it!
00:13:23.000 I'm like, what, I can't?
00:13:24.000 Set it up!
00:13:24.000 Line it up!
00:13:26.000 Set it up.
00:13:26.000 Put the house on me.
00:13:27.000 I'll fuck them up.
00:13:29.000 Give them weapons.
00:13:30.000 What you just crystallized there, I've been going through for like 30 years on stage.
00:13:33.000 It's so crazy.
00:13:34.000 But I'm saying myself, I deal with physical combat on a daily basis almost.
00:13:40.000 I know what you can and can't do.
00:13:41.000 You can't leave a girl guarding the fucking White House by herself. 0.97
00:13:45.000 Unless you have that bitch in a RoboCop suit with fucking nuclear weapons, she's not going to pull it off. 1.00
00:13:51.000 I said, well, one of my bits was talking about women in the military.
00:13:54.000 This was, again, I think I was living in LA when I wrote it.
00:13:56.000 I go, I don't think they should be in the military because they don't throw that well.
00:14:00.000 I go, I don't think 20 soldiers should die because Pam's grenade toss landed a foot from the bunker.
00:14:06.000 And it's one of my best, you know, I did it on Letterman!
00:14:09.000 You know what I mean?
00:14:09.000 That's funny.
00:14:10.000 But every time, there'll be a table of girls that would, you know, get their feathers on a whack. 1.00
00:14:14.000 Well, I'm not happy that Ronda Rousey lost, but in a way, it makes things easier, because there was a bunch of fucking people that were going, oh yeah?
00:14:23.000 What about Ronda Rousey?
00:14:24.000 She'll kick in, and I made the mistake of saying, like, hyperbole, okay?
00:14:27.000 I'm the master of hyperbole.
00:14:28.000 I exaggerate all the time.
00:14:30.000 I was like, she could probably beat half the men bantamweights in the UFC. Is that true?
00:14:34.000 That's definitely not true.
00:14:34.000 No.
00:14:36.000 I shouldn't have said it at the time.
00:14:38.000 Now it's definitely not true.
00:14:39.000 She can beat a few that aren't good outside the sport. 1.00
00:14:42.000 Look, if she gets guys in the ground, she can fuck a lot of people up. 1.00
00:14:44.000 Her judo is 100% legit.
00:14:46.000 Her arm bars are amongst the best in the business.
00:14:49.000 Let's say I did some coke and she banged it to me. 1.00
00:14:52.000 She'll flip you on your head. 1.00
00:14:53.000 You're fucked.
00:14:54.000 I'm 55, I'm kidding.
00:14:55.000 She'll fuck you up. 1.00
00:14:56.000 But the point is...
00:14:58.000 Even with some coconut.
00:14:59.000 All these fucking women are like, what about Ronda Rousey? 1.00
00:15:01.000 I'm like, Ronda Rousey, okay.
00:15:03.000 And then, thank God, now that she's lost, everyone's relaxed with that.
00:15:08.000 And then the argument is, well, who'd she lost to?
00:15:10.000 Who fucked her up the most? 1.00
00:15:12.000 A lesbian.
00:15:13.000 I mean, Jesus.
00:15:14.000 Yeah.
00:15:15.000 No, that's exactly right.
00:15:18.000 Here's the thing.
00:15:19.000 With the feminist movement, they used to... 1.00
00:15:21.000 You know, we can do anything men can do, but they wouldn't push the physical thing.
00:15:24.000 Not anymore.
00:15:25.000 But not anymore.
00:15:26.000 I was at Gotham Comedy Club about three years ago, and I'm doing...
00:15:26.000 No.
00:15:29.000 A fight breaks out.
00:15:30.000 Had nothing to do with me.
00:15:31.000 Two tables.
00:15:32.000 Got into it.
00:15:33.000 I mean, a big...
00:15:34.000 There's a woman in the middle, standing in the middle. 0.99
00:15:36.000 A girl.
00:15:37.000 And I don't mean like a butch dykey... 1.00
00:15:39.000 She thinks that she can throw down.
00:15:41.000 She's got her hands up.
00:15:42.000 She throws a punch at one of the doorman. 1.00
00:15:44.000 Another doorman comes over and knocks her out.
00:15:47.000 Like she was fucking Larry Holmes in his 60s. 0.65
00:15:49.000 She went down like she was shot.
00:15:52.000 And I never heard any lawsuits or anything.
00:15:54.000 But she was throwing haymakers at the fucking doorman. 1.00
00:15:57.000 They really believe.
00:15:58.000 And again, like you said, Amanda Nunez.
00:16:00.000 I'd be scared of that, Brian.
00:16:01.000 Yeah.
00:16:02.000 Amanda Nunez will knock a lot of dudes out. 1.00
00:16:04.000 Yeah, that's what I mean.
00:16:05.000 Again, lesbian. 1.00
00:16:06.000 Could be something there.
00:16:08.000 Well, yeah, she's half a guy.
00:16:10.000 You know, that was an interesting thing, too.
00:16:11.000 Which is fine.
00:16:11.000 Well, I mean, she's not.
00:16:13.000 She's all woman. 1.00
00:16:14.000 She just likes women. 1.00
00:16:15.000 Really?
00:16:16.000 You don't think some of her, she's got a little more, you know, less estrogen than my wife? 1.00
00:16:21.000 A little more man juice.
00:16:22.000 I think it's all by all.
00:16:23.000 You think so?
00:16:23.000 I'm not saying that.
00:16:24.000 I'm not being derogatory.
00:16:26.000 You know what I mean?
00:16:26.000 Yeah.
00:16:27.000 I think she should be more celebrated than she is because she's the first ever woman lesbian champion in MMA. I mean, you don't see... 0.98
00:16:36.000 How come lesbians get their own designation? 1.00
00:16:38.000 Like, they're not just gay.
00:16:40.000 Like, it's LBG. You know what I mean?
00:16:43.000 Lesbian, gay. 0.99
00:16:44.000 It's lesbian and gay.
00:16:45.000 They get their own thing.
00:16:46.000 They're not just gay.
00:16:47.000 You can't be a gay woman. 1.00
00:16:49.000 You're also a lesbian. 1.00
00:16:50.000 A gay man is not a thing. 1.00
00:16:51.000 He doesn't have an extra thing.
00:16:53.000 It's not like you're also a thespian.
00:16:55.000 You know what I mean?
00:16:57.000 Now you're talking Tom Cruise.
00:16:58.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:16:59.000 I mean, lesbians are not just gay. 0.90
00:17:01.000 They have their own little designation.
00:17:03.000 That's how they want it.
00:17:04.000 They get what they want.
00:17:06.000 I was reading those, Joey, I was reading those, like the terms now.
00:17:11.000 Cisgender. 0.99
00:17:12.000 Oh yeah, those are wonderful.
00:17:14.000 They make tons of sense.
00:17:15.000 I ran out of printing paper.
00:17:17.000 I'm not shitting.
00:17:18.000 I was spitting out.
00:17:18.000 I was on like page 78. I ran out of paper.
00:17:21.000 And I just started reading them.
00:17:22.000 I actually do this in my special, my CISO special.
00:17:25.000 That's coming out Thursday.
00:17:26.000 I talk about the...
00:17:27.000 I go, it's so confusing.
00:17:28.000 The libs, you confuse everything.
00:17:30.000 Nobody knows what bathroom to use.
00:17:32.000 And I go, I was at a nightclub the other night.
00:17:33.000 Here's the ladies room right here. 1.00
00:17:34.000 And the men's room is right next to you.
00:17:35.000 And there's a pile of shit in the middle between the two doors.
00:17:38.000 With a tampon stuck in it and a fake mustache. 0.78
00:17:46.000 It's true.
00:17:46.000 And I'm not being derogatory.
00:17:48.000 I actually have a relative who's, like, transgender.
00:17:50.000 I wouldn't want to fucking have the deal, you know, but we're talking about these people like they make up 60% of the population.
00:17:56.000 That's where I get a little fucking angry.
00:17:58.000 Who's that guy from Roadhouse?
00:17:59.000 Lesbian.
00:18:00.000 The guy with the mustache that talks like this, you know, that guy who's always in, like, truck commercials.
00:18:04.000 Sam Elliott.
00:18:04.000 Sam Elliott.
00:18:05.000 Yes.
00:18:05.000 There's a great meme with Sam Elliott, and it was like, there used to be a time where we worried more about the safety of women and children than men who like to wear dresses.
00:18:14.000 Yeah.
00:18:15.000 It was one of those memes online.
00:18:16.000 I'm like, holy shit.
00:18:18.000 And someone put it up and everybody went crazy.
00:18:20.000 Because there's the thing, like, there are people who are fucking crazy who are men who like to wear dresses and want to pretend they're a woman.
00:18:28.000 There's transgender people and then there's sick fucks that also like to wear dresses and go into the women's room. 1.00
00:18:33.000 And if you open the door, you open the door to everybody.
00:18:36.000 Well, that's what I said to these young kids when I'm on stage, like these kids in their 20s.
00:18:39.000 I go, you should be taking advantage of this confusion.
00:18:41.000 You're at a nightclub, you see a hot chick, you just carry a little lipstick with you, slap it on, follow her into the ladies' room, and go, I identify as a dyke tonight. 1.00
00:18:49.000 Open that stall up. 1.00
00:18:50.000 I'm like Annie Lennox back when she used to wear suits.
00:18:53.000 But I'm definitely a woman.
00:18:56.000 Remember when Annie Lennox used to wear suits?
00:18:58.000 Yes.
00:18:58.000 Sweet dreams are made of this.
00:19:01.000 I don't remember when that was big.
00:19:05.000 Were we looking at her going, we weren't questioning her sexuality.
00:19:09.000 She looks good in a suit.
00:19:10.000 She's hot. 1.00
00:19:11.000 She has short hair.
00:19:12.000 Everything.
00:19:13.000 She's beautiful.
00:19:14.000 Did she come out?
00:19:15.000 There she is.
00:19:16.000 She's a woman. 0.82
00:19:16.000 No. 0.82
00:19:17.000 She's all a woman. 1.00
00:19:18.000 She's just being freaky.
00:19:18.000 Look, she actually looks good there, for Christ's sake.
00:19:19.000 Even with orange hair.
00:19:20.000 Fuck the shit out of her. 1.00
00:19:22.000 That looks like if Trump was transgender in his teens.
00:19:26.000 Not even his teens.
00:19:27.000 Like when he's like 11. It looks like the president.
00:19:34.000 What a weird haircut.
00:19:36.000 Look at that.
00:19:37.000 Yeah.
00:19:38.000 He's gotta let his hair go.
00:19:39.000 I want to talk to him.
00:19:40.000 I want to get him on mushrooms, get him to shave his head.
00:19:42.000 Who?
00:19:42.000 Trump.
00:19:43.000 Change a lot.
00:19:44.000 He should let it go gray.
00:19:46.000 Well, he's not just gray.
00:19:47.000 Like, what the fuck is going on up there?
00:19:49.000 I don't know.
00:19:50.000 Chaos.
00:19:52.000 There's like so much stuff happening in his head.
00:19:55.000 Well, he's got to trim around the ears.
00:19:57.000 This isn't 1975. I'm just saying.
00:19:59.000 Not to get too picky.
00:20:01.000 He likes keeping it long so he can fucking spin it around and cover all the barren lands.
00:20:07.000 Well, that's true.
00:20:08.000 You can hide a lot of deficiencies.
00:20:10.000 He's definitely got something going on.
00:20:11.000 There's a whole theory as to what's happening in his hair, that there was a guy that ran a company that they would take hair, and they would buy hair from people in India, and then they'd bleach it to whatever color your hair is, and then they would attach it to your skull,
00:20:28.000 these microfilaments.
00:20:29.000 Where do I get that done?
00:20:30.000 Well, it looked like shit, and they went out of business.
00:20:32.000 Except they had an office in Trump Tower, right below Trump's office.
00:20:37.000 And so the company went out of business, but their office still remains.
00:20:40.000 So the idea is that he's the only client, and Trump comes down, gets his hair done by this guy.
00:20:45.000 It was in like...
00:20:46.000 That's a great idea.
00:20:48.000 I want to say it was like Esquire or GQ, like one of those magazines, and it was like the secret behind Trump's hair.
00:20:53.000 There's this whole investigative report on Trump's hair.
00:20:57.000 It sounds like a plot for CBS sitcom, you know?
00:21:00.000 Did you see what was going on in, I think it was Chile, there was a paper, a newspaper that had a photo of Trump, but they used the Alec Baldwin picture instead of the Donald Trump picture?
00:21:09.000 They fucked up?
00:21:10.000 Or they did it on purpose.
00:21:11.000 Probably did it on purpose.
00:21:12.000 But it's hilarious.
00:21:13.000 NBC will be doing that and go, oh, we fucked up.
00:21:15.000 Yeah, right?
00:21:16.000 Yeah, here it is.
00:21:17.000 This is what the guy used to do.
00:21:20.000 The placing of the micro cylinders.
00:21:22.000 So it's like these little things they glue to your hair.
00:21:24.000 So it looks like the hairs are coming straight out of your scalp because they glue these little tiny hula hoops with hair attached to it, I guess, and it sticks right out of your hair, right out of your head.
00:21:37.000 Yeah, I don't totally understand it.
00:21:39.000 It's probably like pubes from a third world country.
00:21:41.000 Apparently it looked like shit, which makes sense because his hair looks like shit.
00:21:46.000 Right?
00:21:46.000 Look at that.
00:21:47.000 See?
00:21:48.000 500 hair is added in 90 minutes.
00:21:50.000 See?
00:21:50.000 He's got this thing going on.
00:21:51.000 All right, now I'm interested.
00:21:52.000 It's just like his hair, see?
00:21:53.000 I mean, that is like Trump's hair, right?
00:21:55.000 That is, yes.
00:21:56.000 So this guy was bald, and now he's got this flop.
00:21:58.000 There it is.
00:21:59.000 See?
00:22:00.000 That's a wave in Hawaii somebody should be riding.
00:22:03.000 Like, his hair doesn't make any sense.
00:22:04.000 It's like there's so much volume, but so little volume at the same time.
00:22:09.000 Well, yeah, when you're 70, it shouldn't be long in the back.
00:22:12.000 Well, all of it's chaos.
00:22:14.000 Like, why not just shave your fucking head, bro?
00:22:16.000 It's so easy.
00:22:17.000 You're worth a fucking hundred billion dollars.
00:22:19.000 Your wife is not down with you because of the way you look, you know?
00:22:23.000 Like, shave your fucking head.
00:22:25.000 You can do whatever you want.
00:22:26.000 But when you're that age and you got that much hair, you don't want to shave it.
00:22:28.000 Why not?
00:22:30.000 The whole thing's stupid.
00:22:31.000 Like, you look good with a bald head.
00:22:33.000 I feel good.
00:22:33.000 Thank you.
00:22:34.000 No.
00:22:37.000 I'm not just kissing your ass, but you do.
00:22:39.000 But he would, I mean, something tells me he's got like a big veiny giant skull that would scare the shit out of both Republicans and Democrats.
00:22:46.000 Yeah, like an ogre's dick.
00:22:48.000 I don't know what that looks like.
00:22:50.000 Just veiny and angry.
00:22:55.000 Big slot in the top.
00:22:56.000 Imagine if we found out he really was a dickhead.
00:22:57.000 Like he's got a hole.
00:22:58.000 Like a whale hole.
00:22:59.000 On the top of his head.
00:23:00.000 And it's just pre-coms leaking out.
00:23:08.000 Holy shit.
00:23:11.000 Cover it.
00:23:12.000 Cover it.
00:23:13.000 Sad.
00:23:14.000 On the plane on the way to Chicago, I opened the airplane magazine because I fucking forgot to bring my shit.
00:23:20.000 So I'm reading that, and there's Joe Rogan, front and center, talking about Valentine's Day.
00:23:25.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:23:26.000 I go, what is he saying?
00:23:28.000 I wrote something that was so outrageous.
00:23:30.000 No, but it was really good.
00:23:31.000 Well, what they put in there was like a fraction of what I wrote.
00:23:34.000 What I wrote was filled with swear words and talking about sex.
00:23:38.000 You were just letting Lily your female sideshow. 1.00
00:23:38.000 No, Joe, come on. 1.00
00:23:41.000 Well, my female side is all they left in. 1.00
00:23:44.000 Of course!
00:23:46.000 The guy asked me to write something.
00:23:47.000 I'm like, I'll write something.
00:23:48.000 So I smoked a joint and I wrote something crazy and I sent it to them and they're like, well, they have to edit it heavily.
00:23:48.000 I don't give a fuck.
00:23:52.000 I'm like, let them.
00:23:53.000 Who cares?
00:23:54.000 And so what's in there is like barely mine.
00:23:57.000 But it made sense.
00:23:58.000 It was kind of like, oh my God.
00:23:59.000 Because you said like in a few years, what the grasp of the whole article was, you're saying, let it out.
00:24:05.000 It's like you love your wife, write it in a card and stuff.
00:24:07.000 Let that shit out because in a few years we're going to be able to read each other's minds.
00:24:10.000 Yeah.
00:24:11.000 Wasn't that the gist?
00:24:11.000 Right?
00:24:12.000 And it made sense, and I usually don't believe in that shit.
00:24:14.000 I'm like, ooh.
00:24:15.000 We're about 30 years away from being mind-reading robots.
00:24:18.000 I really believe that.
00:24:19.000 I don't think we're going to be...
00:24:20.000 I think we're going to be some sort of a combination of people and machine within the next 30 years.
00:24:29.000 I really do.
00:24:31.000 If you think about how close we are with communication, about how we can tweet and send pictures and share information so quickly, almost instantaneously, then the next possible step is that we're going to be closer than that.
00:24:43.000 We're going to have that shit in your head, and we're going to be communicating.
00:24:46.000 Are they going to put a chip in us or something, you mean?
00:24:47.000 I think so.
00:24:47.000 I think so.
00:24:48.000 They're already doing it, aren't they?
00:24:51.000 I know, the audience I played in Chicago, it seemed like they had chips.
00:24:51.000 Probably.
00:24:55.000 They didn't like you?
00:24:56.000 No, it was great.
00:24:56.000 You ever do that?
00:24:57.000 I love Chicago.
00:24:58.000 But this is Rosemont.
00:25:00.000 Yeah, that place is great.
00:25:01.000 Unbelievable.
00:25:02.000 Joey Diaz just did his CISO special there.
00:25:03.000 Yeah, that's what they told me.
00:25:05.000 Fucking great room.
00:25:06.000 Great room.
00:25:07.000 She goes to me, she goes, but she even warned me, she goes, the Saturday crowd, I sold out three out of four shows, which I was excited about.
00:25:13.000 She goes, the Saturday early show might be, they get a little rowdy.
00:25:16.000 I'm on stage, five minutes, I'm making fun of Hillary. 1.00
00:25:19.000 Oh, they got mad at you.
00:25:21.000 I'm like, no, just one fat, ugly bitch got mad at me. 1.00
00:25:24.000 I wanted to kick her fucking ugly head off her shoulders, this chubbit, fucking miserable. 1.00
00:25:29.000 I'm going, yeah, I could tell Hillary wasn't healthy. 1.00
00:25:32.000 I saw a shit stain in her pantsuit. 1.00
00:25:33.000 She's going up the stairs, and there's blood coming out of her nostril, earwax, and she goes, this lady right up in front of me goes, you're a fucking asshole, and gives me the finger. 1.00
00:25:40.000 Whoa.
00:25:42.000 That's her hero, bro.
00:25:43.000 Why don't you be nice to her hero?
00:25:45.000 Fuck her hero and fuck her. 1.00
00:25:47.000 There's a new picture of Hillary and Bill.
00:25:50.000 Bill looks like he's wearing something from a motorcycle movie from the 1970s.
00:25:55.000 And Hillary is dressed like the villain in every kung fu movie. 1.00
00:25:58.000 I'm not kidding.
00:25:59.000 She's literally wearing a fucking... 1.00
00:26:00.000 I've joked around about that before, that she dresses like the villain in every kung fu movie, but this time she took it to the next level, and she literally has an Asian jacket on and some fucking scarf underneath it. 1.00
00:26:10.000 She's trying to cover up the turkey neck. 1.00
00:26:12.000 It's because she loves China.
00:26:13.000 It's her version of a comb-over.
00:26:15.000 She's just going up to the tip of the chin to hide the neck. 1.00
00:26:18.000 I live four miles from that house, huh?
00:26:20.000 I saw her in the woods the other day.
00:26:21.000 She's behind a rock crying.
00:26:23.000 Yeah.
00:26:23.000 You live four miles from their house?
00:26:25.000 Yeah.
00:26:25.000 They have a house in...
00:26:26.000 They have a house in Chappaqua.
00:26:28.000 Do they really?
00:26:29.000 Up in Westchester.
00:26:30.000 They probably have a hundred houses, those crooks.
00:26:32.000 How did they make so much money being civil servants?
00:26:35.000 Well, they didn't once they got out.
00:26:37.000 Well, even when they were in.
00:26:38.000 Well, I mean, he was given the majority of it when they started that foundation.
00:26:42.000 Right.
00:26:43.000 We know how they made it.
00:26:44.000 I mean, they're selling influence all over the world.
00:26:45.000 That foundation just took a big hit.
00:26:48.000 Something just happened with that foundation.
00:26:50.000 Yes.
00:26:50.000 Well, yeah, they're going to shut it down now.
00:26:52.000 Because they were exposed during the election.
00:26:54.000 But there was a big article, like, very recently.
00:26:57.000 I didn't read it.
00:26:58.000 I saw it.
00:26:59.000 Someone was telling me about it.
00:27:00.000 I don't know what it is.
00:27:01.000 I should stop talking.
00:27:04.000 It's a podcast.
00:27:05.000 I plow one.
00:27:06.000 I'm like, I don't know what I'm talking about.
00:27:08.000 That's where I step on the gas.
00:27:09.000 That's where I dig my heels in.
00:27:11.000 Start fucking swearing.
00:27:13.000 Yeah.
00:27:14.000 How about that picture I sent you yesterday?
00:27:16.000 I pulled into a Fitzsimmons podcast.
00:27:19.000 Clinton Foundation partner hiked opiate overdose reversal drug price by 680%.
00:27:29.000 That's very Republican of him.
00:27:31.000 Jesus Christ.
00:27:32.000 Jesus fucking Christ.
00:27:34.000 Yeah.
00:27:34.000 So an opiate overdose reversal drug, which saves people from opiate- Yeah, and they hiked the price.
00:27:40.000 It's opioid?
00:27:41.000 Am I saying it wrong?
00:27:42.000 Opioid, right?
00:27:43.000 I'm saying it wrong.
00:27:44.000 Opioid refers...
00:27:45.000 Overdose refers...
00:27:46.000 It shouldn't be a word like that.
00:27:48.000 Opioid.
00:27:49.000 It's heroin.
00:27:50.000 It's fucking heroin.
00:27:51.000 It's a heroin overdose.
00:27:52.000 Why do I have to say opioid?
00:27:53.000 Call it pure horse.
00:27:54.000 Opiates.
00:27:55.000 Overdose reversal drug by 680%.
00:27:59.000 Oh, I'm sure this is the story.
00:28:01.000 Well, we had investments.
00:28:03.000 We had to satisfy stockholders.
00:28:05.000 It's very important.
00:28:06.000 But I support Hillary Clinton and women. 0.99
00:28:08.000 I support a woman's right to choose.
00:28:10.000 A woman's right to choose. 1.00
00:28:15.000 It's very important.
00:28:18.000 How many times have you heard the phrase strong woman in the last fucking 20 years? 1.00
00:28:22.000 Or nasty women. 1.00
00:28:23.000 Everyone's a nasty woman now. 1.00
00:28:24.000 Remember that?
00:28:25.000 When Trump called her a nasty woman, then all of a sudden all these women had nasty woman as their Twitter handle? 1.00
00:28:30.000 Yes!
00:28:31.000 Even Jen Kirkman.
00:28:32.000 She called herself Jen Nasty Kirkwoman. 1.00
00:28:35.000 She wasn't Kirkman anymore.
00:28:37.000 They're having fun with it, I guess.
00:28:39.000 They went nuts on that tape.
00:28:40.000 Trump loves to grab pussy. 1.00
00:28:42.000 So does Hillary.
00:28:43.000 What's the controversy?
00:28:44.000 Is that what you think?
00:28:45.000 That's what I'm saying.
00:28:45.000 Are you trying to say that?
00:28:46.000 Are you kidding me?
00:28:47.000 She burped in my face once. 1.00
00:28:49.000 At the CVS. Oh, like a three-day-old mackerel.
00:28:58.000 Like a can of smoked mussels that was left in the back of a minivan for three weeks in August.
00:29:02.000 I like smoked oysters.
00:29:04.000 Oh, I do too.
00:29:04.000 I'm not going to think about them now when I open them up.
00:29:06.000 I'm going to think of Hillary's breath.
00:29:08.000 You'll think of clits when you open oysters. 1.00
00:29:10.000 Really?
00:29:10.000 Yeah, it looks like a mutilated clitoris.
00:29:12.000 I eat them because they're a good way of maintaining a ketogenic diet, Nick DiPaolo.
00:29:16.000 Not because I'm disparaging them.
00:29:18.000 I eat them too.
00:29:18.000 I know about all that shit.
00:29:19.000 I saw you eating.
00:29:20.000 You put up those little videos.
00:29:21.000 I don't know.
00:29:22.000 It was a Facebook Live or whatever.
00:29:23.000 You were making breakfast with five eggs and kimchi and shit.
00:29:26.000 Yeah.
00:29:26.000 I have like four or five eggs every month.
00:29:29.000 Do you?
00:29:29.000 Oh, I fucking love them.
00:29:30.000 It's good for you.
00:29:30.000 Eggs are good for you.
00:29:31.000 Love them.
00:29:31.000 Those goddamn criminals, probably that work for the Clinton administration, they were trying to convince us for a long time that eggs are bad for you.
00:29:38.000 That cholesterol, listen to me folks, not bad.
00:29:42.000 Very good for you.
00:29:43.000 I saw you had like kimchi and it looked like it would last you two weeks.
00:29:47.000 That was like your breakfast.
00:29:49.000 That's because you're hyper still though, right?
00:29:50.000 I'm still hyper.
00:29:51.000 God damn it.
00:29:52.000 You are, right?
00:29:52.000 That's why I have this weight right here.
00:29:53.000 I need to work out while I'm talking to people.
00:29:56.000 And I want to try that elk roast you made.
00:29:58.000 I was fucking hoping you had some leftovers.
00:30:00.000 Well, my buddy John Dudley had this guy Chad Ward on his podcast.
00:30:04.000 Chad Ward is this barbecue master.
00:30:06.000 And he was basically saying that when I cook, that what I'm doing by grilling things over high heat, that you fuck it up because you dry out the meat somewhat.
00:30:15.000 So I was like, all right, what does he say to do?
00:30:17.000 He says, don't cook anything over 275 degrees.
00:30:19.000 I'm like, all right, I'll try it.
00:30:20.000 So I put an elk roast on last night.
00:30:22.000 I put a meat thermometer in that bitch. 1.00
00:30:23.000 Low and slow.
00:30:24.000 Low and slow.
00:30:24.000 For like an hour and a half, I cooked this roast.
00:30:26.000 It wasn't a big roast either.
00:30:28.000 Cooked it for an hour and a half, got it to 125 degrees.
00:30:30.000 Then I took a frying pan.
00:30:32.000 And you saired the outside of it.
00:30:34.000 Yeah, outside.
00:30:34.000 Yeah, with butter.
00:30:35.000 Hot butter.
00:30:37.000 Elk and butter.
00:30:38.000 Then you wrap it up in aluminum foil and you put it in a cooler.
00:30:42.000 Yeah.
00:30:42.000 Because the cooler will keep it warm just like it keeps it cold, right?
00:30:45.000 I put it in a Yeti cooler.
00:30:46.000 No shit.
00:30:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:30:47.000 This is what all those barbecue masters do.
00:30:49.000 They let it finish in a cooler.
00:30:51.000 And then I pulled that bitch out and I sliced it up. 1.00
00:30:53.000 Holy shit, was he right.
00:30:54.000 I was looking at the pictures.
00:30:55.000 It was cooked fucking perfect.
00:30:57.000 Holy shit, was he right.
00:30:58.000 It was so delicious.
00:31:00.000 It was so much moister than any roast.
00:31:02.000 I cooked some delicious roasts in the past.
00:31:05.000 I'm a good cook, though.
00:31:06.000 I've been told that I cut into it too soon, and that's why there's all that blood.
00:31:10.000 That's why it's bleeding out.
00:31:11.000 It's like cutting a teenager.
00:31:12.000 It was amazing.
00:31:13.000 I poured that blood all over it.
00:31:14.000 I enjoyed that blood.
00:31:16.000 Okay, what's on the outside of it, Joe?
00:31:18.000 What's the rub?
00:31:18.000 Not to turn this into fucking Rachel Ray.
00:31:20.000 Kosher salt, black pepper, and garlic powder.
00:31:24.000 So I put all that on before I put it...
00:31:26.000 Excuse me.
00:31:27.000 Before I put it into the grill.
00:31:29.000 Before I put it into the pellet grill.
00:31:31.000 Pellet grills, if you don't have one of those...
00:31:32.000 I don't.
00:31:33.000 They are the shit.
00:31:33.000 I have a pellet gun.
00:31:34.000 Oh, do you?
00:31:35.000 Yes.
00:31:35.000 You see squirrels and shit?
00:31:36.000 Yes.
00:31:38.000 Pellet grills are the shit, because they maintain the same temperature, and it's all run on wood.
00:31:44.000 Because it's totally healthy, because they have an element, like a heating element in there, and they have these wood pellets.
00:31:50.000 And the wood pellets are made, when they cut wood for a table like this, they take the hardwood from that stuff, and then they compress it.
00:31:57.000 And the natural sugars in the wood allow it to stay in these pellets.
00:32:00.000 And the pellets, you can break them up in your hand.
00:32:03.000 They're really easy to break.
00:32:05.000 Right.
00:32:05.000 Because they're not really solid.
00:32:06.000 Right.
00:32:07.000 But when the heating element cooks them, then the heat from that and the fire from the pellets and the smoke flavors the meat.
00:32:14.000 So it's natural wood flavoring, 100% natural, no chemicals.
00:32:18.000 You can get flavored pellets, you mean?
00:32:20.000 Yeah, you can get apple.
00:32:20.000 No shit.
00:32:21.000 You can get apple wood.
00:32:22.000 You can get oak.
00:32:23.000 You can get hickory.
00:32:24.000 Pussy. 1.00
00:32:24.000 I don't think they have pussy flavor, but you can probably start it. 1.00
00:32:27.000 You could probably start your own company.
00:32:29.000 Cockwood?
00:32:29.000 Yeah, just have a bunch of girls just sitting there by the lumberyard, just take it, rub it on the snatch.
00:32:35.000 No, I saw that.
00:32:36.000 I'm like, that is cooked perfectly.
00:32:38.000 Yeah.
00:32:39.000 Nice crunch on the outside.
00:32:40.000 The guy's definitely right, because before I was doing it all by eye and doing it by timing, but using a meat thermometer, I got the inside to 125 degrees, which is not quite enough.
00:32:51.000 Right.
00:32:51.000 It's a little low, but then...
00:32:52.000 But it'll keep cooking.
00:32:53.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:32:54.000 So then when you sear it on the outside, it gets a little more inside because of that, and then when you wrap it up in aluminum foil, because the searing was only a few minutes, and then...
00:33:02.000 So you sear at the end.
00:33:03.000 Yeah, at the end.
00:33:03.000 Which is just the opposite of what people used to do, they'd sear the outside.
00:33:07.000 Well, this guy's a world champion barbecue guy, so I just listen to him.
00:33:10.000 But I don't know, man.
00:33:10.000 They do it differently at certain steakhouses.
00:33:12.000 But at steakhouses, you're cooking a beef steak.
00:33:16.000 And a beef steak is so filled with fat.
00:33:18.000 It's so different.
00:33:20.000 Now the elk, is it lean?
00:33:22.000 Super lean.
00:33:23.000 Is it still flavorful?
00:33:24.000 Oh, it's the most flavorful.
00:33:26.000 Is it?
00:33:26.000 Because lean meat usually isn't.
00:33:28.000 That's why people eat beef. 0.99
00:33:29.000 It's got a rich, different kind of taste to it.
00:33:32.000 Because it's such a healthy animal.
00:33:34.000 Because it's a giant fucking animal, and it's out there running around eating whatever the fuck it wants.
00:33:38.000 It's not at this 7-Eleven at midnight getting yodels.
00:33:42.000 It's like you're eating an athlete, you know?
00:33:44.000 It's like you're eating Carl Lewis' ass.
00:33:46.000 It's like you got something that can run and sprint.
00:33:48.000 Keep enticing me, Joe!
00:33:50.000 Jesus Christ!
00:33:51.000 I wanted to bring you back from the edge!
00:33:53.000 Is that what it said on the menu?
00:33:54.000 You started salivating, and then you think about Carl Lewis bent over a sofa.
00:33:58.000 No, after he ran a three-fucking-30.
00:34:00.000 Just pulling his ass apart.
00:34:02.000 Tasted like...
00:34:07.000 Should I have said Herschel Walker?
00:34:08.000 Yeah.
00:34:08.000 It would have been better.
00:34:09.000 But you're getting this healthy, strong animal.
00:34:15.000 It just has more vitamins in it, more nutrients.
00:34:18.000 It tastes different.
00:34:19.000 It's more vibrant.
00:34:22.000 Plus, I fucking killed it, so I know where it came from.
00:34:25.000 I was there.
00:34:26.000 You killed the elk?
00:34:26.000 Yeah.
00:34:26.000 What, did you hit it on the 101 or something?
00:34:28.000 No, I shot it with a bow and arrow.
00:34:29.000 You're like my cousin.
00:34:30.000 He's a fucking killer.
00:34:31.000 Cousin?
00:34:31.000 Cousin's a killer?
00:34:32.000 I'm not a bow and arrow guy.
00:34:34.000 To me, it's like, I don't know, man.
00:34:36.000 Maybe it's not for everybody, but for me, it's the way.
00:34:40.000 No, you shot it at Inglewood?
00:34:40.000 Yeah, I went to Inglewood.
00:34:42.000 I went to Watts.
00:34:43.000 I found it outside of a liquor store at 3 o'clock in the morning, bugling.
00:34:49.000 Where'd you go hunting, seriously?
00:34:51.000 That one, I think that was from Tahone Ranch, which is honestly not that far from here.
00:34:56.000 Oh, it was on a ranch and it was penned in?
00:34:58.000 That's not fair.
00:34:59.000 No, no, it's not penned in at all.
00:35:00.000 270,000 acres, free range.
00:35:02.000 Where?
00:35:03.000 Here?
00:35:03.000 Upstate?
00:35:04.000 No, it's upstate.
00:35:05.000 It's like a half hour outside of Bakersfield.
00:35:08.000 But it's a huge ranch, the biggest ranch in all of California.
00:35:12.000 And so I've been there.
00:35:13.000 I've hunted elk there.
00:35:15.000 I've got a deer that I shot in Iowa that I'm going to cook that way tonight.
00:35:19.000 Yeah, my cousin, that's what he does.
00:35:20.000 Yeah.
00:35:21.000 Bow and arrow is the way to go, man. 0.94
00:35:23.000 Yes!
00:35:23.000 It just takes way too long to learn how to do it for most people.
00:35:26.000 But it's not loud.
00:35:30.000 This is what my friend Cameron Haynes always likes to describe it.
00:35:32.000 He's like, when you go to the woods, everything is peaceful and quiet, and the gun's like, boom!
00:35:37.000 It all seemed out of place to me.
00:35:39.000 All the birds go, what the fuck?
00:35:41.000 But with a bow and arrow, it's almost silent.
00:35:43.000 It's like, plack!
00:35:45.000 And it's harder.
00:35:46.000 It's more of a sport.
00:35:47.000 It makes it even.
00:35:48.000 A little more even.
00:35:49.000 You gotta get way closer.
00:35:50.000 You gotta get way closer.
00:35:51.000 You gotta be, like, sitting on its back.
00:35:53.000 But you gotta be fucking sneaky, because that's what's really exciting about it.
00:35:56.000 Like, when you're stalking, like, one of the most fun hunts I went on, I failed.
00:36:01.000 I went to Nevada.
00:36:03.000 We went spot and stalk hunting for mule deer, and so you're, like, creeping up on these deer, and these fucking deer are so- What's a mule deer, Joe?
00:36:10.000 A mule deer is one of the largest deer species and it lives mostly in the west.
00:36:18.000 And that's a mule deer right there.
00:36:19.000 That's a mule deer right there.
00:36:20.000 That one with the velvet still in its ant.
00:36:22.000 It's a big deer and they live in the woods and you gotta creep up on these fuckers because they're used to being attacked by mountain lions.
00:36:29.000 So like, their ears are huge like a mule's ear. 0.86
00:36:32.000 That's why they call a mule deer.
00:36:34.000 And see how big their fucking ears are? 0.64
00:36:35.000 Like, hey, what's going on?
00:36:36.000 What's over there?
00:36:37.000 What's over here?
00:36:37.000 What's over here?
00:36:38.000 How dare you?
00:36:39.000 He had big fucking big ears.
00:36:41.000 You're not an Obama fan.
00:36:42.000 I'm an Obama fan as a statesman.
00:36:45.000 I don't think a lot of things he did wasn't very good.
00:36:47.000 No, that's a good point.
00:36:47.000 But as a statesman, I think he was an excellent representative of the United States.
00:36:50.000 Fair enough.
00:36:50.000 I buy that.
00:36:52.000 That's part of the problem with Trump, is that now assholes have a king.
00:36:55.000 You know, it's like, he's an asshole, I'm an asshole.
00:36:58.000 But see, that's what I like.
00:36:59.000 He's plain spoken.
00:37:00.000 That's what I like about him.
00:37:01.000 He's not a fucking professional politician.
00:37:04.000 You know, that's sort of what I like about him.
00:37:07.000 Well, I like that he's not a professional politician.
00:37:08.000 He's not the best messenger, don't get me wrong.
00:37:10.000 What do you like about him?
00:37:11.000 What do you like about him?
00:37:12.000 Did you vote for him?
00:37:14.000 Yes, I did.
00:37:15.000 How dare you?
00:37:16.000 Yeah.
00:37:16.000 How dare you?
00:37:17.000 They're not going to let you leave.
00:37:18.000 Huh?
00:37:19.000 Jerry Brown's going to raise up from his grave right now.
00:37:21.000 Fuck Jerry Brown.
00:37:21.000 Fucking hippie fuck.
00:37:22.000 We found one!
00:37:22.000 Smoke another joint, you dope.
00:37:24.000 Joints are not bad for you.
00:37:25.000 How dare you?
00:37:26.000 I forgot who I'm talking to, what show I was...
00:37:29.000 I know.
00:37:30.000 See, that's why I confuse people.
00:37:32.000 I have guns and weed.
00:37:33.000 Yeah.
00:37:34.000 I like the two of them together.
00:37:35.000 They're great.
00:37:35.000 Don't be scared.
00:37:37.000 I can't.
00:37:38.000 I told you my weed story.
00:37:39.000 Or did I? Yeah.
00:37:40.000 When I ate the edible?
00:37:41.000 Yeah, well, edibles are a different trip.
00:37:43.000 Especially for a guy who hadn't had a joint since 1992. Yeah.
00:37:46.000 You should start super slow.
00:37:47.000 It was like doing acid.
00:37:49.000 For me, I fucking freaked out.
00:37:51.000 We were on vacation recently, and my wife can put away the fucking edibles. 1.00
00:37:55.000 She likes edibles.
00:37:56.000 She likes to eat edibles before she goes to bed, and our friend of ours, who is a guy from England, really great guy, very smart guy, doesn't smoke the pot, and doesn't smoke the pot at all, and my wife is like, I'm gonna take my medicine, and she takes it before she goes to bed, she likes it, relaxes her, and he's like,
00:38:12.000 well, You know, what is that?
00:38:13.000 Every night?
00:38:14.000 Can I ask?
00:38:15.000 Yeah, every night.
00:38:16.000 Could she not sleep without it if she doesn't have it?
00:38:18.000 She can sleep without it.
00:38:18.000 She sleeps better with it.
00:38:20.000 But she goes down.
00:38:21.000 I mean, she fucking... 1.00
00:38:23.000 She doesn't get Joey Diaz doses, but she takes high doses.
00:38:26.000 So anyway, she gives some to our friend.
00:38:29.000 And she gives him half of what she takes.
00:38:32.000 I go, that's too much!
00:38:33.000 She's like, oh, he's gonna be fine.
00:38:34.000 This motherfucker, like an hour and a half later, was like, we have to check on the children.
00:38:39.000 Make sure they're still breathing.
00:38:40.000 Okay.
00:38:43.000 He was so out of his mind!
00:38:45.000 The next day, he was still high.
00:38:47.000 The next day, woke up for breakfast, still high.
00:38:50.000 Just tripping his balls off.
00:38:51.000 Because when you eat it, it's a psychedelic drug.
00:38:54.000 It's not the same thing.
00:38:57.000 I fucking...
00:38:58.000 First of all, like I said, literally, I hadn't smoked a joint.
00:39:01.000 I was never a weed guy since, like, the early 90s.
00:39:04.000 So just weed in general is stronger.
00:39:06.000 And then, to make it an edible, and then I did the typical rookie stupid thing.
00:39:10.000 I took a corner of it.
00:39:12.000 I waited about 31 minutes.
00:39:13.000 I'm like, this ain't doing shit.
00:39:15.000 Exactly.
00:39:15.000 Then I ate the rest like a Snickers bar.
00:39:17.000 Next thing you know, I'm like, fucking...
00:39:18.000 Those are the four words you should never say after you take weed.
00:39:21.000 I don't feel shit.
00:39:22.000 Those are my first words I said.
00:39:26.000 You set yourself up for disaster.
00:39:28.000 Yeah, I had no idea, you know?
00:39:29.000 I didn't eat the whole thing, but I took another bite, and then I'm watching my fucking, like I said, my flat screen TV, 51 inch, and all of a sudden it looked like a black and white 11 inch TV. You start freaking.
00:39:38.000 And it sounded a mile away and shit.
00:39:40.000 Whoa.
00:39:41.000 So I did what you're supposed to do in that situation.
00:39:43.000 I ran into a dark bedroom and stared at an alarm clock.
00:39:46.000 Well, you know what you should do if you're really fucked up like that? 0.98
00:39:48.000 Drink coffee.
00:39:49.000 That's one thing.
00:39:50.000 The coffee does counteract the cannabis.
00:39:52.000 That's one thing to do.
00:39:53.000 Okay.
00:39:54.000 Okay.
00:39:54.000 If you're really freaking out, if you have too much pot in your system, drink coffee.
00:39:57.000 Another one, take a cold shower.
00:39:59.000 Really?
00:40:00.000 Yep, cold as fuck.
00:40:01.000 Just get in there and suffer.
00:40:02.000 Where you can't breathe?
00:40:04.000 You know those cold showers?
00:40:06.000 No, I don't.
00:40:08.000 I love those showers.
00:40:09.000 I take those showers all the time, especially after yoga.
00:40:12.000 I take a hot yoga, and then I take a cold shower, like fucking as cold as it gets.
00:40:16.000 And you're wide awake.
00:40:17.000 If I could put ice in the water tank, I would do that.
00:40:20.000 It's just like, woo!
00:40:21.000 Mysterious illness linked to marijuana use on the rise in legal weed states.
00:40:24.000 That's Scott Adams.
00:40:25.000 What'd they do to him?
00:40:26.000 He got younger.
00:40:27.000 What is this?
00:40:28.000 This story was going around for a couple weeks ago.
00:40:31.000 What?
00:40:31.000 This is at the end of the year.
00:40:32.000 It's called...
00:40:33.000 It's called brain damage.
00:40:36.000 It's called cannabinoid hypermesis syndrome.
00:40:38.000 Is it real?
00:40:39.000 Oh, I had that a couple weeks ago.
00:40:40.000 I mean, you can look up a bunch of stories on it.
00:40:42.000 People went to the ER for it, but...
00:40:43.000 Look at this.
00:40:43.000 Nausea, vomiting, and crampy abdominal pain.
00:40:46.000 Walking off, pussy. 1.00
00:40:47.000 I get that from Chipotle.
00:40:48.000 This is how you clear it.
00:40:49.000 Hot showers or baths.
00:40:51.000 Interesting.
00:40:51.000 Relieved by hot showers.
00:40:53.000 Okay, maybe I'm giving the wrong advice.
00:40:54.000 They said just take a hot shower, not a cold shower.
00:40:56.000 Oh, I'm saying cold.
00:40:57.000 Thanks, Joe, for the information.
00:40:58.000 Don't be a pussy.
00:40:59.000 You know why it says hot shower?
00:41:01.000 Because you're too much of a pussy to take a cold shower. 1.00
00:41:03.000 A cold shower probably cures you quicker.
00:41:06.000 I love cold showers.
00:41:07.000 Because it's like, it's suffering.
00:41:10.000 Yeah, it hurts.
00:41:10.000 You have to suffer in there.
00:41:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:12.000 When I lived in a fraternity, University of Maine, a hot water heater broke down.
00:41:16.000 It's, yeah, February in Maine, okay?
00:41:18.000 Literally, minus 21 outside.
00:41:20.000 And we didn't have, I go in the shower, and it's so cold, you could feel each individual drop hitting you on the head like, it hurt.
00:41:28.000 It made my eyes water.
00:41:29.000 It's fucking burning.
00:41:30.000 Yeah, like almost 32 degrees.
00:41:32.000 Exactly.
00:41:35.000 Just a shade over ice.
00:41:37.000 What I was doing, back in the Taekwondo days, there was this guy named Bob Caffarella, and he was one of my instructors' first black belts, and he was just a complete psycho.
00:41:45.000 And Bob Caffarella used to always take cold showers.
00:41:48.000 That's what he used to do.
00:41:49.000 He slept in the gym.
00:41:50.000 He lived in the gym.
00:41:50.000 He used to teach classes there for the longest time.
00:41:53.000 And he would take cold showers because it was good for the spirit.
00:41:56.000 This guy didn't take a fucking quick shower either.
00:41:58.000 He wasn't like, okay, we're done.
00:42:01.000 No, that dude would just sit in there. 0.87
00:42:04.000 We would all be terrified of him.
00:42:05.000 We'd get in that cold shower.
00:42:06.000 We knew how cold it was, and it was like a different level of psycho he was.
00:42:10.000 That's the horrible way to die.
00:42:12.000 You don't die that way.
00:42:13.000 You just get cold.
00:42:14.000 No, I'm just saying, people who have fallen through ice and shit.
00:42:16.000 Oh, yeah.
00:42:17.000 You know what I mean?
00:42:17.000 Can you fucking imagine?
00:42:18.000 There's a photo that they found recently of a moose.
00:42:21.000 It was like half in, half out.
00:42:23.000 It just got tired trying to get out of the ice.
00:42:25.000 Because moose will walk on frozen lakes.
00:42:27.000 Right.
00:42:27.000 You know, they're fucking 1,800 pounds.
00:42:29.000 Right.
00:42:29.000 And then they'll step in one area where it's not that thick, and this fucking went right through, and he just got stuck.
00:42:35.000 And he died?
00:42:36.000 Froze there.
00:42:37.000 Froze there, in the lake.
00:42:38.000 Like that lady in the news last week, the Good Will Bin. 1.00
00:42:42.000 You read that one, right?
00:42:43.000 No.
00:42:44.000 And somewhere, I think it was in Pennsylvania, she goes to a Goodwill bin to put some shit in.
00:42:49.000 Yeah, at two in the morning.
00:42:51.000 Although they said she had items out when they found her.
00:42:54.000 It sounds like she was robbing it to me, but she's in the Goodwill bin, two in the morning, the fuck, and she's on a foot ladder. 1.00
00:42:59.000 Oh, no.
00:43:00.000 The bin lid falls on her arm.
00:43:02.000 Breaks her arm and wrist.
00:43:04.000 She's hanging from the side of the bin.
00:43:06.000 The ladder falls.
00:43:07.000 She's caught there.
00:43:08.000 Listen to this.
00:43:08.000 That happened at 2 in the morning.
00:43:09.000 They find her frozen to death the next morning.
00:43:11.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:43:13.000 Is that not fucking horrible?
00:43:14.000 She's doing a nice thing.
00:43:16.000 Contributing clothes.
00:43:17.000 Talk about a no good deed.
00:43:18.000 And they find her hanging from the bin.
00:43:21.000 People do shit that they don't realize how risky it is.
00:43:24.000 Like, you ever see someone trying to fix their gutter with a ladder?
00:43:26.000 Oh yeah, that was my old man.
00:43:28.000 That's how Artie Lang's dad got paralyzed.
00:43:31.000 Fell up the roof.
00:43:32.000 Yeah.
00:43:32.000 Fucking ladders, man.
00:43:34.000 My old man would be on a ladder with fucking, like... 0.96
00:43:37.000 With like a cigarette worker and there would be a gas pipe a foot away, you know, welding something.
00:43:40.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:43:41.000 You're like, Dad, the guy from OSHA wants to talk to you.
00:43:43.000 I was at a gas station recently in Hollywood and some asshole came up to me and asked me about my car and he's smoking a cigarette.
00:43:48.000 And the guy who run the gas station is screaming at him, Get the fuck away from the gas!
00:43:52.000 Get the fuck away from the gas! 0.69
00:43:54.000 And he's like, Fuck you, bitch! 1.00
00:43:55.000 He's like this weird guy who's just hanging around the gas station.
00:43:57.000 Weird guy?
00:43:58.000 He sounds very black.
00:43:59.000 No, he wasn't black.
00:44:00.000 That's what's weird.
00:44:01.000 He was like pretending to be.
00:44:02.000 No, I mean the Indian guy.
00:44:03.000 No.
00:44:04.000 Get the fuck away. 0.94
00:44:05.000 Get the fuck...
00:44:06.000 It was so caricature, because he was like a caricature of an Indian gas station owner.
00:44:12.000 But he really was an Indian gas station owner.
00:44:14.000 Like a Simpsons character.
00:44:15.000 There's a gas station that I go to.
00:44:16.000 It's run by Indians, and they even have like a fucking OM sign on the door. 1.00
00:44:21.000 It's like the peaceful gas station.
00:44:23.000 They're the nicest people.
00:44:24.000 They're all Indians that work there.
00:44:25.000 Super cool people.
00:44:27.000 Sometimes there'll be a table...
00:44:29.000 Like, when I'm doing a show, and they're hanging on every word, polite, and I point to everybody else, why can't you be like them?
00:44:36.000 As I say to the rest of the audience, look at this Indian table with manners and... 1.00
00:44:41.000 Yeah, Indians in general are very interesting people because they have a caste system that they don't, they just, they have rich people, like extremely rich people that exist with extremely poor people with no problems.
00:44:54.000 Right.
00:44:54.000 It's real weird.
00:44:55.000 There's one of the richest men.
00:44:56.000 The thing is, they're all Indian.
00:44:57.000 That's the key to that.
00:44:58.000 Is that the key?
00:44:59.000 Oh, so there's too much integration here.
00:45:01.000 There's this extremely wealthy guy in India, and he has this fucking palace, and surrounding his palace is like utter slums and ghetto. 0.99
00:45:10.000 And he's got a golden palace.
00:45:12.000 And his name is Aziz Ansari.
00:45:15.000 Wow!
00:45:16.000 It's Russell Peters, ladies and gentlemen.
00:45:18.000 Oh, Russell Peters.
00:45:18.000 I forgot.
00:45:19.000 There's a bigger guy.
00:45:20.000 I forgot about Russell.
00:45:22.000 Russell's the biggest Indian.
00:45:23.000 Well, he's one of the biggest comedians in the world.
00:45:25.000 He's also one of the biggest nice guys.
00:45:26.000 He is a sweetheart.
00:45:28.000 Met him in Toronto at the festival.
00:45:31.000 He takes us all to a Blue Jays game.
00:45:33.000 And he threw out the first pitch or some shit.
00:45:36.000 Couldn't have been nicer, man.
00:45:37.000 Russell Peters is living the goddamn dream.
00:45:39.000 He really is.
00:45:40.000 He's one of the greatest guys I've ever met in my life.
00:45:42.000 I love him.
00:45:43.000 And I don't know Aziz.
00:45:45.000 I used to see him at the Comedy Cellar, but I don't think he's a fan of mine.
00:45:49.000 I got that impression.
00:45:50.000 He's super left-wing.
00:45:52.000 I have zero problem with him.
00:45:54.000 I've always said hi to him.
00:45:54.000 I've always got along with him.
00:45:55.000 But other people have issues with him.
00:45:57.000 But I never know what that issue is.
00:45:59.000 It's hard.
00:46:00.000 You know, when someone has issues with someone, you're like, okay, are you jealous?
00:46:04.000 Are you a dick?
00:46:05.000 Do you think he got more than he deserved?
00:46:07.000 It's always, you know, it's hard to tell because the knock on some people are they're like, like someone said this to me and I don't agree with it, but this is what they said.
00:46:16.000 They were like, you know, well, the only reason why Aziz is famous at all is because he's Indian. 0.68
00:46:19.000 He's not funny.
00:46:20.000 No.
00:46:20.000 And I was like, well, that can't, that doesn't make any sense.
00:46:23.000 Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.
00:46:24.000 First of all, I know he's a fucking hard, hard worker, because I played up at Albany, and I was talking to Tommy Nicky, I think his name is, that runs Albany Club, and he told me Aziz came up, he was tightening up for like an arena, you know?
00:46:39.000 And he did, and one night he did five 45-minute sets.
00:46:43.000 I believe it.
00:46:44.000 Five.
00:46:45.000 We worked together at the Comedy Store, and he and I did three shows in a row, back to back.
00:46:50.000 Three shows in a row, and he's got his notes out, and he's working on material to follow anybody.
00:46:55.000 Yeah.
00:46:55.000 Yeah.
00:46:56.000 Good for him.
00:46:57.000 But there's this thing that happens when someone becomes famous, where instead of people, like, even if you don't get it, there's a lot of people that I don't get.
00:47:04.000 I don't think they're famous, but I don't talk shit about them.
00:47:07.000 No.
00:47:07.000 I don't care.
00:47:08.000 After being, when we were younger, like, I'm much better now.
00:47:11.000 When you're younger, when you get into this business, you're like, how is he making it?
00:47:14.000 I'm not fucking making it.
00:47:15.000 Exactly.
00:47:15.000 But then when you see how hard it is, and you've got to put the work in, regardless, like you said, in this comics, you might not like what they do, but as you get older, you can appreciate what it took to, right?
00:47:26.000 Of course.
00:47:26.000 Yeah.
00:47:27.000 Yeah.
00:47:27.000 And speaking of that, let me ask you before I forget.
00:47:29.000 Do you know, I know, I'm like Bernie Sanders.
00:47:32.000 He's writing a letter to the class.
00:47:33.000 There's a thing here we have to deal with.
00:47:35.000 It's called income inequality.
00:47:38.000 This thing is rigged.
00:47:39.000 I was in the bathroom.
00:47:40.000 I saw Hillary's balls. 1.00
00:47:41.000 She's got big balls. 1.00
00:47:41.000 Black Lives Matter! 1.00
00:47:43.000 Yeah, I tried to help him with that.
00:47:45.000 That's why he lost.
00:47:46.000 He couldn't get the black vote.
00:47:47.000 I said, change your first name to Colonel.
00:47:48.000 What the fuck gets right in front of you?
00:47:51.000 Nothing here in fucking Woodland Hills, Communist China.
00:47:55.000 Don't you know that you're talking about delicious food and that's racist?
00:48:00.000 Is this show that big where you have to worry about offending sponsors?
00:48:03.000 I'm used to being in my basement by myself saying everything.
00:48:06.000 Our sponsors are fine.
00:48:07.000 Don't worry.
00:48:07.000 They've seen it all by now.
00:48:10.000 There's not a fucking single thing we could throw at them.
00:48:12.000 Although Match.com, they were one and done with me.
00:48:15.000 I was like, come on, everybody wants to fuck.
00:48:20.000 Cut! 1.00
00:48:20.000 Cut! 1.00
00:48:21.000 They cut me off after one ad.
00:48:23.000 Do people like chlamydia?
00:48:25.000 I'm like, look, who doesn't like to fuck?
00:48:27.000 Am I lying?
00:48:27.000 I'm trying to get you guys some money.
00:48:29.000 Who doesn't?
00:48:30.000 I'm 55. Come on!
00:48:31.000 You don't like to fuck anymore? 1.00
00:48:32.000 Oh, please.
00:48:33.000 I got the hips of a fucking 70-year-old soccer player.
00:48:35.000 We can get you to yoga class, get you some fucking kettlebells, start fucking doing some swings. 1.00
00:48:39.000 I know.
00:48:40.000 Oh, before, let me, again, do you know George Lopez?
00:48:43.000 Yes.
00:48:45.000 Never met him.
00:48:45.000 Fucking love him.
00:48:46.000 Yeah.
00:48:47.000 Love his comedy.
00:48:48.000 I can't believe I haven't run into him somewhere.
00:48:50.000 He's a good dude.
00:48:51.000 He seems like...
00:48:52.000 He called me up after the Carlos Mancilla thing.
00:48:54.000 Yeah.
00:48:55.000 His first words out of his mouth.
00:48:56.000 My motherfucker.
00:49:00.000 See, I knew it!
00:49:01.000 I knew this!
00:49:02.000 I knew I would like it.
00:49:04.000 And look, I know he's not crazy about Whitey, but he does it so funny, going after how soft white people are and shit. 0.97
00:49:11.000 He's a true, to me.
00:49:12.000 He's a fun comic, man.
00:49:13.000 No, he seems like a funny guy offstage.
00:49:16.000 He's a, you know what I mean, a comic's comic.
00:49:17.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:49:18.000 And I never fucking met him.
00:49:19.000 I just, I thought I'd run into him somewhere, but I guess it's not surprising.
00:49:22.000 If you met him, you'd love him.
00:49:23.000 Did you see that thing where he got in trouble?
00:49:26.000 Yeah, what?
00:49:26.000 Chewing out the girl?
00:49:28.000 That's me every night for the last 40 years!
00:49:30.000 But you know what he said?
00:49:31.000 What he said was funny.
00:49:32.000 He goes, Latinos, we have two rules.
00:49:34.000 Don't park in front of my house.
00:49:36.000 Don't marry a black guy. 1.00
00:49:37.000 I mean, he's just being funny.
00:49:39.000 And some lady stands up and starts yelling at him. 1.00
00:49:42.000 Was she black? 0.99
00:49:43.000 I don't know.
00:49:44.000 You know why you don't know?
00:49:45.000 They wouldn't mention it on TMZ. You might want to put that in the fucking article.
00:49:48.000 It's sort of part of the story.
00:49:49.000 I couldn't tell.
00:49:50.000 I'm saying yes.
00:49:51.000 You think so?
00:49:52.000 Yeah.
00:49:53.000 Maybe she was white. 1.00
00:49:54.000 Maybe she's like, enough.
00:49:55.000 No, you're right.
00:49:56.000 It could be a white lip.
00:49:57.000 But I'm guessing, I was just guessing the way he said it and shit.
00:50:00.000 But it's not going to hurt his career.
00:50:02.000 No, it's going to help his career.
00:50:03.000 Exactly.
00:50:04.000 But you would get in more trouble.
00:50:06.000 Like when Tracy Morgan said, if I have a baby and it was gay, I'd kill it. 0.76
00:50:09.000 Yeah.
00:50:10.000 He said, I'd stab that little nigga. 0.98
00:50:13.000 Oh, is that what he said?
00:50:14.000 Oh, that's different.
00:50:15.000 Matter of fact, give him a pass.
00:50:16.000 Yeah.
00:50:18.000 I thought he used the word kill, but stab.
00:50:20.000 He's fucking hilarious.
00:50:22.000 No, but my point being, he got in a little hot water for about a day and a half.
00:50:26.000 Well, he actually had to apologize.
00:50:28.000 He apologized.
00:50:28.000 Okay, fine.
00:50:29.000 But if that was you or somebody at your level of fame and you're white, you're apologizing, it wouldn't matter. 0.79
00:50:34.000 You'd be fucking booted.
00:50:36.000 I guess so, man.
00:50:37.000 I just feel like...
00:50:38.000 I know so.
00:50:39.000 There has to be a line where you realize that someone is just fucking around. 0.61
00:50:43.000 There has to be a line.
00:50:45.000 Whatever happened to just fucking around?
00:50:46.000 If you want to kill, just fuck around.
00:50:48.000 That's Jerry Brown and his fucking followers.
00:50:50.000 I'm not asking him anything.
00:50:52.000 Nobody knows where he is.
00:50:53.000 He's dead.
00:50:54.000 He's underneath the fucking dam trying to fix it with crazy glue.
00:50:57.000 That's true.
00:50:58.000 Nobody has seen him lately.
00:50:59.000 Apparently.
00:51:00.000 He's old as fuck, man.
00:51:01.000 When you're that old, you're going to have some days where you can't go outside.
00:51:05.000 There's gonna be some days, right?
00:51:07.000 You're shitting your pants, you got problems, hip doesn't work.
00:51:10.000 He's old.
00:51:11.000 But I saw him, like, I'd say last summer, right?
00:51:14.000 I'd say months ago, and he seemed like the idiot that he always has been.
00:51:17.000 I literally have not seen a thing from him since he's been the governor.
00:51:21.000 Not a thing.
00:51:22.000 Are you sure?
00:51:23.000 Nothing, I don't know.
00:51:24.000 You're busy.
00:51:24.000 You're doing yoga, you get kettlebells, you get fucking family.
00:51:27.000 I see that fat fuck from New Jersey all the time. 0.99
00:51:31.000 But he disappeared for a few months.
00:51:32.000 In New York, they were asking where he was.
00:51:34.000 They were going to kill him.
00:51:36.000 I mean, that guy got...
00:51:36.000 There was some real shit that happened when he closed that bridge.
00:51:39.000 They closed that bridge.
00:51:40.000 Some people were supposed to go to the hospital, couldn't make it to the hospital.
00:51:43.000 Yeah.
00:51:43.000 I mean, there's lawsuits.
00:51:44.000 Joey Diaz's parents, probably.
00:51:45.000 Somebody in that area.
00:51:46.000 No, I'm just saying.
00:51:48.000 From Bergen.
00:51:48.000 Yeah, North Bergen.
00:51:49.000 Yeah.
00:51:49.000 Well, he's going to be in hot water for years for that.
00:51:53.000 He'll never escape that.
00:51:54.000 And that's one of the reasons why Trump pulled him from the fucking cabinet.
00:51:57.000 And now he's criticizing Trump.
00:51:59.000 It's kind of interesting.
00:52:01.000 Christy, I never...
00:52:01.000 He seemed like a...
00:52:02.000 I loved it.
00:52:04.000 Like, I saw a clip of him telling some woman at a town hall to sit down and shut up.
00:52:07.000 Some, you know, screaming about a union and just fucking...
00:52:10.000 That's nice when you're local.
00:52:12.000 You can do that shit with local stuff.
00:52:13.000 No, exactly.
00:52:14.000 But I'm saying...
00:52:14.000 But he still seemed kind of whiny to me.
00:52:16.000 And then I saw him in the Yankee uniform.
00:52:18.000 Oh, God.
00:52:19.000 Jesus H. Christ.
00:52:20.000 When his gunt, his lower pussy area was like sticking out. 1.00
00:52:25.000 There's no way that guy's seen his dick.
00:52:26.000 No way.
00:52:27.000 No way.
00:52:27.000 No way.
00:52:27.000 I don't think his wife can see it from where she's sitting.
00:52:30.000 I don't want to be offensive, Mr. Grayson.
00:52:32.000 He looked like an ice cream cone.
00:52:33.000 It started, you know what I mean?
00:52:34.000 Yeah.
00:52:35.000 He looks like one of those things that you use for pastries to write Happy Birthday Nick.
00:52:39.000 A pastry bag.
00:52:39.000 You squeeze it.
00:52:40.000 Yes.
00:52:40.000 Yeah, look at that.
00:52:41.000 I mean, what the fuck?
00:52:42.000 Didn't he know what he looked like?
00:52:44.000 He should definitely not have worn that thing.
00:52:45.000 He would have been better in a hoop skirt.
00:52:47.000 Look, this poor bastard is an addict.
00:52:50.000 That is a food addict.
00:52:51.000 That is 100%.
00:52:52.000 Look at the one above it.
00:52:53.000 Go to the one above it, Jamie.
00:52:54.000 The one where it shows his pussy area. 1.00
00:52:56.000 Look at that.
00:52:56.000 What in the fuck is going on there?
00:52:58.000 What?
00:52:59.000 Where's your dick, bro?
00:53:00.000 Holy Christ.
00:53:01.000 That looks like Hillary's pantsuit. 0.92
00:53:03.000 That's goddamn insane.
00:53:04.000 That is a goddamn insane pose, too.
00:53:06.000 You should never put your hand on your hip like that if you look like that.
00:53:09.000 Just don't stand like that.
00:53:10.000 You should stand like a sumo wrestler at all times.
00:53:12.000 You should have a wide stance.
00:53:13.000 You should never let your legs rub together.
00:53:15.000 You should be standing like you're ready to shoot a blast double on people.
00:53:17.000 Don't you have advisors?
00:53:19.000 Jimmy, can you turn my thing up?
00:53:20.000 Do you control my volume?
00:53:22.000 Oh, it's probably over here.
00:53:24.000 I can't hear myself.
00:53:25.000 There we go, right there.
00:53:26.000 Is that better?
00:53:27.000 Testing, one, two, right there.
00:53:29.000 That's good, yeah.
00:53:30.000 Yeah, it was on way low.
00:53:31.000 I got a fail, though, even if he was skinny.
00:53:33.000 Damn, we dropped big.
00:53:36.000 Even if he was skinny?
00:53:37.000 Yeah, he'd have like a horrible...
00:53:39.000 Well, he doesn't have the best genetics, but more important than that...
00:53:42.000 Well, who knows if he has the best genetics?
00:53:43.000 Because he's got a food disease.
00:53:45.000 I looked it up on the genealogy site.
00:53:47.000 Oh, where's he from?
00:53:48.000 His mother was in Malibu, in Sicily.
00:53:50.000 Look at him, he's running there.
00:53:51.000 He looks like Kevin James there.
00:53:52.000 I could get that fucking guy in shape, I swear to God.
00:53:55.000 I swear to God.
00:53:56.000 All I'd have to do is get him off the sugar, it would take a while, but he's addicted to sugar.
00:53:59.000 No, he lives on salads, they say.
00:54:01.000 No dressing or anything.
00:54:03.000 There's a picture of him at the game, and he's got a little bag of M&M's, a large bag of M&M's, and he's pouring the little bag of M&M's into the large bag of M&M's.
00:54:12.000 Look at that.
00:54:13.000 I'm not joking.
00:54:14.000 Look at that.
00:54:14.000 See?
00:54:15.000 There is him with the fucking M&M's.
00:54:16.000 Oh, the poor bastard.
00:54:17.000 He's a sugar addict.
00:54:18.000 See how he's pouring it in there?
00:54:19.000 What's my excuse?
00:54:20.000 He's pouring the little one into the big one.
00:54:21.000 You're not fat at all.
00:54:22.000 What the fuck are you talking about?
00:54:23.000 I'm just saying I don't like sugar, but I can't.
00:54:25.000 I was hoping to get Ebola so I could lose this last 20. Seriously.
00:54:28.000 I don't think that's what happens.
00:54:29.000 I do.
00:54:30.000 You shit blood for 18 months. 0.58
00:54:31.000 Just don't eat at night.
00:54:33.000 We talked about this before the podcast.
00:54:34.000 Don't do that.
00:54:36.000 When I heard you say that, I almost fainted because I've been saying that to my wife.
00:54:39.000 I said, the only time I've ever lost weight in my life is when I go to bed hungry.
00:54:42.000 It's not just that you lose weight, your body actually produces more dense muscle, or more lean muscle.
00:54:49.000 Yeah, and when you sleep it, it's burning fat.
00:54:51.000 Definitely, but it's also your body has more time to rebuild your tissue.
00:54:55.000 You recover better.
00:54:56.000 It's not just, like, the going to bed hungry thing is actually good for you.
00:54:59.000 Just don't, the idea is, as Dr. Rhonda Patrick said this, you can, just go to sleep.
00:55:04.000 I can't, I feel like a little African kid who needs a fucking sandwich. 1.00
00:55:07.000 Just, you need an edible.
00:55:08.000 Take an edible.
00:55:09.000 I'm never doing that again.
00:55:11.000 This is why I love you, though, Joe.
00:55:13.000 Because the last time I was here, I said, yeah, I thought about, I'm like, I want to take steroids at this age.
00:55:19.000 I'm fucking sick of working out.
00:55:20.000 Now, I've said that to about 20 people, and they were all like, well, how would you do that?
00:55:23.000 You're going to fucking be a kid?
00:55:24.000 You had 55. You looked at me, and you go, why wouldn't you?
00:55:26.000 Do it!
00:55:27.000 Fuck it.
00:55:28.000 They work.
00:55:29.000 There's a reason why they're banned from sports.
00:55:31.000 You didn't even hesitate.
00:55:32.000 You'd go, why wouldn't you, with a puzzle look in your face?
00:55:34.000 Whenever someone tells me, well, man, you know, at 55 years of age, you really think it's a good idea to take steroids?
00:55:39.000 Yes, that's the perfect time.
00:55:40.000 Yeah, because the alternative is dying.
00:55:42.000 Well, also, you only have, like, 20 years left anyway.
00:55:45.000 Like, what are you gonna do?
00:55:46.000 I don't say it like that.
00:55:48.000 That's true.
00:55:48.000 What are you gonna do?
00:55:49.000 You gonna cut it back?
00:55:50.000 Cut it back by five?
00:55:51.000 88. Oh, my God.
00:55:52.000 I only have 15 years of looking like fucking Sylvester Stallone in Rocky IV. Yeah, you pulled up a picture of him.
00:55:59.000 And I said, that's gotta be from 30 years ago.
00:56:01.000 You're like, that's from last Wednesday.
00:56:02.000 He's 70 years old, shredded.
00:56:05.000 Oh, 100%.
00:56:05.000 How does he not...
00:56:07.000 Find me the doctor.
00:56:08.000 I'll pay fucking good money.
00:56:09.000 I'll get you a doctor.
00:56:10.000 For real.
00:56:10.000 I know you will.
00:56:11.000 Testosterone replacement therapy.
00:56:11.000 Wait, did you meet him at the fucking original room?
00:56:13.000 No.
00:56:14.000 He's in the belly room. 0.89
00:56:15.000 Joey Diaz, cousin.
00:56:16.000 He was doing a set upstairs.
00:56:18.000 I got a guy.
00:56:19.000 You got a meeting with the docs.
00:56:20.000 Do you have a fake mustache?
00:56:24.000 Dr. Vinnie Boombats.
00:56:25.000 Well, testosterone replacement and hormone replacement therapy, there's a real science to it.
00:56:30.000 The idea is you don't take too much.
00:56:32.000 You take what you would have in your body if you were a younger man.
00:56:35.000 That's what you do.
00:56:36.000 And people are like, well, you're not a younger man anymore.
00:56:38.000 Duh.
00:56:39.000 Like, people just want you to wither away and die.
00:56:41.000 So you've juiced.
00:56:42.000 I take testosterone replacement therapy, and I've done it for almost 10 years.
00:56:46.000 No, what is it, 49?
00:56:47.000 Yeah, 39. I started when I was like 39, 37, 38. I started rubbing this cream on me, which wasn't that effective.
00:56:54.000 Was that the clear, they call it?
00:56:56.000 No, no, that stuff's way better.
00:56:58.000 That's way better than anything.
00:57:00.000 I take mild stuff.
00:57:02.000 I rub that on my dog.
00:57:03.000 Here's the thing about the stuff that Barry Bonds takes and all the bodybuilders take.
00:57:07.000 They're taking hyperhuman levels.
00:57:09.000 I don't fuck with anything like that.
00:57:10.000 What I do is I take what I would have in my body naturally when I was like 27. That's what I take.
00:57:16.000 So that is healthy.
00:57:19.000 There's evidence that if you have a bad heart, if you're an older person and you start jacking your body up with testosterone, doing crazy workouts, your body's not ready for it.
00:57:28.000 But also that could be a conditioning issue.
00:57:30.000 There's a lot of factors involved in something like that.
00:57:32.000 When people go from being sedentary and out of shape to all of a sudden having young levels of testosterone and then exercise.
00:57:38.000 Your body's going to get shocked.
00:57:39.000 Yeah, so when you factor in those situations with people that have pretty significant heart issues after taking testosterone therapy, according to my doctor, that's what they're dealing with.
00:57:50.000 He's like, you have to judge each one of them on an individual basis.
00:57:54.000 And he's also like, you have to get your blood work done.
00:57:56.000 You have to be really meticulous about it.
00:57:58.000 I get my blood work done every couple months.
00:58:00.000 But not just for testosterone, not just for human growth hormone, but also, yeah, for bad stuff and also for nutrient levels.
00:58:07.000 I found out that I need more niacin in my system.
00:58:09.000 I found out I need more vitamin B. I'm down vitamin D big time.
00:58:12.000 D3. D3's a big one.
00:58:14.000 It's huge.
00:58:14.000 It's very important.
00:58:15.000 It's very important for muscle.
00:58:18.000 It's very important for the way your brain works.
00:58:20.000 It also works in symbiosis with a bunch of other nutrients.
00:58:23.000 You have to have your nutrient levels tested.
00:58:26.000 You can't just go, oh, I feel pretty good.
00:58:28.000 You might feel pretty good, but there might be some fucking shortcomings in your diet or your supplementation.
00:58:37.000 You know, when I played ball up at Maine in college back in the 80s, and they were all juicing.
00:58:43.000 And I got a lot of teammates who are...
00:58:45.000 I got one guy who's in like a convalescent home.
00:58:47.000 I mean, they were fucking crazy with the shit.
00:58:50.000 He's in a convalescent home now at 55?
00:58:51.000 He was...
00:58:52.000 Yeah.
00:58:53.000 Oh my God.
00:58:53.000 What did he do?
00:58:54.000 And another one, there's two other guys, I know they have kidney problems from it, but they were muscular.
00:59:00.000 We were college-age kids, and they were fucking, and they were juicing, you know?
00:59:05.000 That's not smart.
00:59:05.000 Our whole line was juicing.
00:59:06.000 But if you wanted to be a pro athlete back then, the fucking Jose Canseco days, you kind of had to.
00:59:11.000 Those guys were all gorillas. 1.00
00:59:12.000 Oh, absolutely.
00:59:13.000 They were all giant.
00:59:14.000 Even at Maine, I go, holy shit, these guys were so mean.
00:59:17.000 The linemen, and I loved them.
00:59:19.000 I hung out with them, like, when they were not drinking and shit.
00:59:22.000 But when they would get drunk, and I'd go, this isn't Maine.
00:59:25.000 Can you imagine what goes on at University of Miami or all these football factors, USC? Can you imagine?
00:59:31.000 This was Maine, 1AA football.
00:59:33.000 And I'm like, these guys are fucking crazy.
00:59:35.000 Well, that's what gets you ahead.
00:59:36.000 And I love them to death.
00:59:37.000 Look, what gets us ahead in this sport?
00:59:39.000 We're mean as far as the shit we crack jokes on.
00:59:41.000 Think about the shit that we say when you and I get together and we just start fucking around.
00:59:45.000 No, I do observational shit like David Brennan.
00:59:47.000 You ever notice when a sock goes in the dryer?
00:59:50.000 It doesn't come out.
00:59:51.000 You breathe in and then you breathe out.
00:59:52.000 Where'd it go?
00:59:54.000 Where'd it go?
00:59:54.000 Where'd the sock go?
00:59:55.000 Are you doing something?
00:59:58.000 Where'd that song go?
01:00:00.000 There's two songs, now there's one.
01:00:01.000 Where'd it go?
01:00:02.000 Hicks used to, remember he did a bit of making fun of Jerry?
01:00:05.000 Yeah.
01:00:06.000 Why do women use so many cotton balls? 1.00
01:00:08.000 When you think about how we talk when we're fucking around, because for us, that's what gets us ahead.
01:00:14.000 Saying shit that makes us go, oh Jesus Christ, you'll say some things when you're around me that I'm sure you probably wouldn't say if you're around other people, and I would do the same with you.
01:00:21.000 Yeah, no, that's my problem.
01:00:22.000 I say it everywhere.
01:00:22.000 That's how football players are.
01:00:24.000 That's why I'm in my basement.
01:00:25.000 Yeah, no, at that age, you're right.
01:00:26.000 No, you're actually right.
01:00:28.000 Fighters are like that, too.
01:00:29.000 Yeah.
01:00:29.000 Fighters are like that.
01:00:30.000 It's the same way.
01:00:31.000 I had a buddy of mine, my friend Mike Blythe from South Boston, and he was very humble looking.
01:00:36.000 He used to wear glasses.
01:00:38.000 But he was a psycho.
01:00:39.000 Oh, he's a psycho as they come.
01:00:40.000 And he wore, he's a very, very smart guy, and he wore like a golf shirt, and he used to, like a polo shirt.
01:00:46.000 So he looked like a fucking dork.
01:00:47.000 He had his shirt tucked in his pants with his belt, the whole deal.
01:00:50.000 And he worked at the Rat.
01:00:51.000 You remember the Rat Scaler?
01:00:52.000 Yes!
01:00:52.000 Yeah.
01:00:53.000 Yes.
01:00:53.000 Well, he was a bouncer there, and people would give him a hard time because of the way he looked, and he was just waiting for someone to say something stupid so he could rearrange their face.
01:01:02.000 He's a pro boxer.
01:01:03.000 But he was almost setting him up by wearing the shirt and shit.
01:01:06.000 He was setting him up.
01:01:06.000 Like a trap?
01:01:07.000 He was.
01:01:08.000 Like a decoy duck?
01:01:09.000 He was a straight-up psycho.
01:01:13.000 He would wait for someone to get out of line and do something to him, push him, grab his shirt, and then next thing you know, crack!
01:01:20.000 Dudes are flatlining, spasming, going into seizures.
01:01:23.000 Yeah, this kid, Danny, I won't say that, but four of these guys are from the Cape.
01:01:29.000 They played football down in Cape in high school, and they were friends.
01:01:32.000 But this one guy, Danny McClung, he was big, fucking, he had these dead eyes, those pale blue eyes, and you know how they look sad?
01:01:41.000 You know what I mean?
01:01:41.000 They're like sacked down.
01:01:43.000 And when he got drunk, I mean, he was like fucking Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven.
01:01:48.000 Remember?
01:01:48.000 Oh, no.
01:01:49.000 When he would get drunk?
01:01:50.000 Yes.
01:01:50.000 William Money.
01:01:51.000 William Money, killer of women and children.
01:01:54.000 We had two dogs in our fraternity.
01:01:56.000 Two little dogs, a white one and a black one.
01:01:58.000 He threw them in a punch bowl.
01:01:59.000 Oh, no.
01:02:00.000 Well, that's really mild.
01:02:01.000 The white one was red.
01:02:02.000 No, he didn't hurt them, but I'm just saying.
01:02:03.000 I thought you were going to say woodchipper.
01:02:05.000 And then he'd start beating up men, women, you know, whoever looked at him wrong.
01:02:09.000 Yeah, there's guys like that.
01:02:10.000 And a few other linemen.
01:02:11.000 I shouldn't have singled him out.
01:02:12.000 He was actually- People feed off each other.
01:02:14.000 That's why mob mentalities work. 1.00
01:02:16.000 The reason why the mob mentality exists is because someone sees someone doing something crazy and the other people get crazy too.
01:02:21.000 And here's the thing we need to recognize right now that's going on at UC Berkeley.
01:02:24.000 That is mob mentality.
01:02:26.000 That's not justice.
01:02:28.000 It's not rational.
01:02:29.000 It's not a real fucking protest.
01:02:31.000 That is a goddamn mob and they are rioting.
01:02:33.000 And they're wrong.
01:02:34.000 They're wrong.
01:02:35.000 Because that guy, all he wants to do is talk.
01:02:37.000 If someone wants to talk, and what you want to do is light the fucking campus on fire and throw a fucking chair through a plate glass window at Starbucks, that is a mob mentality.
01:02:46.000 And it's the same goddamn thing.
01:02:48.000 And not only that, but all you're doing is pumping him up.
01:02:51.000 It's the Streisand effect.
01:02:52.000 You keep him from fucking protest.
01:02:54.000 You keep him from speaking.
01:02:56.000 You make him bigger.
01:02:57.000 He's going to be even larger now because of that.
01:02:59.000 And you're just showing everybody what your real intentions are.
01:03:02.000 Well, you're admitting you lost the battle of ideas when you do that.
01:03:06.000 They're not even engaging in the battle of ideas.
01:03:08.000 They're calling everybody a Nazi.
01:03:09.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:03:10.000 This Nazi thing is fucking crazy, where everybody calls everybody a Nazi.
01:03:13.000 We were talking about the Sarah Silverman thing before the podcast.
01:03:16.000 I don't know if she was joking around or not, but she put on her Twitter, is this like a Nazi who doesn't know how to make a swastika?
01:03:23.000 And everybody just tore her apart.
01:03:24.000 Because everybody wants to call everybody a Nazi today, and those symbols on the ground, it's what people do when they're surveyors, and they want to mark where the power She's seen swastika out of anything.
01:03:44.000 Yeah, it's like, what the fuck is going on with everybody calling everybody a Nazi?
01:03:47.000 Well, that's like an old ploy from the left.
01:03:49.000 I'm 55. I mean, every Republican that ever ran since I've been, you know...
01:03:53.000 It was always labeled a Nazi.
01:03:55.000 There it is.
01:03:56.000 See, this is the line.
01:03:58.000 Walking to get coffee, saw these all over a sidewalk in town, I'm in.
01:04:01.000 Is an attempt at swastikas?
01:04:03.000 Do neo-Nazis not have Google?
01:04:05.000 It's a combination of...
01:04:07.000 She's being silly?
01:04:09.000 I hope she's being silly.
01:04:10.000 Nah, it's a little of both.
01:04:10.000 You can take it either way.
01:04:12.000 Okay.
01:04:13.000 It's a construction marker.
01:04:15.000 Innocent mistake for a Jew that gets burnt in an oven. 1.00
01:04:19.000 What?
01:04:20.000 At least weekly on Twitter.
01:04:22.000 Still pretty close, though.
01:04:24.000 Oh, okay.
01:04:25.000 No, it's the wrong way.
01:04:27.000 And it's an S with a line in it.
01:04:28.000 It looks like Swanson's dinners.
01:04:30.000 Remember Swanson?
01:04:31.000 That would have been the joke, a dyslexic.
01:04:33.000 Did a dyslexic German kid draw this?
01:04:35.000 You know, something of that.
01:04:36.000 Well, I don't know.
01:04:38.000 She's got big tits. 1.00
01:04:39.000 An innocent mistake, she says.
01:04:41.000 Well, somebody gets burnt in an oven at Twitter.
01:04:42.000 So she's, because of the shit that people say to her on Twitter, she's saying that's why she's doing it?
01:04:48.000 Is that why she... 1.00
01:04:49.000 You lost me on the oven thing.
01:04:50.000 I think what she's trying to do is take some of the blame away from her for putting something ridiculous on Twitter and by saying that people tell her to get in an oven because she's a Jew and this is why she's sensitive.
01:05:00.000 Oh, no.
01:05:01.000 This Nazi thing that everybody's saying, punch Nazis.
01:05:04.000 Have you seen this lately?
01:05:04.000 We should punch Nazis.
01:05:05.000 How do you decide who's a Nazi?
01:05:09.000 Anybody who doesn't think like them, Joe.
01:05:11.000 Who's a Nazi?
01:05:11.000 Anybody who doesn't think like a fucking lefty is a Nazi.
01:05:14.000 It's very crazy.
01:05:15.000 It's a very crazy thing we've got going on now, because by calling someone a Nazi, you can immediately hit them.
01:05:22.000 Yeah.
01:05:23.000 It's way out of whack.
01:05:24.000 It's real weird.
01:05:25.000 It's way out of fucking whack.
01:05:26.000 I'm hoping it settles down, but I don't think it's gonna.
01:05:29.000 I feel like this Trump thing is just gonna ramp up because he keeps doing stupid shit, like the way he's disagreeing with the Supreme Court.
01:05:35.000 See you in court.
01:05:36.000 Like, what court?
01:05:37.000 Which court?
01:05:37.000 You were in court.
01:05:38.000 You just lost in court.
01:05:39.000 You gonna see him in court again?
01:05:40.000 Like, what's going on here?
01:05:42.000 Yeah, it could go to the Supreme Court.
01:05:43.000 Yeah, it's gonna go to the Supreme Court now.
01:05:44.000 Okay, see you in another court?
01:05:45.000 Is that what you're saying?
01:05:46.000 Yeah, I'm undecided on that.
01:05:49.000 I understand why he tweets, because the fucking media is just ridiculously unfair to him.
01:05:55.000 But he does it too much.
01:05:57.000 You know what I mean?
01:05:58.000 Wait for the big things.
01:06:00.000 How do you feel like they're unfair to him?
01:06:02.000 Like, what do you think is unfair?
01:06:03.000 I know, I shouldn't have said that.
01:06:04.000 No, no, I'm just asking.
01:06:06.000 What are you kidding me?
01:06:07.000 Just the way they talk about him.
01:06:10.000 Like, how so?
01:06:11.000 Well, what did I see this morning?
01:06:13.000 He had a meeting down at Mar-a-Lago.
01:06:15.000 He was down there, his place in Florida.
01:06:17.000 And they were talking about, I guess they were talking about Russia at the table.
01:06:21.000 And the headlines on CNN. He's discussing military secrets in public.
01:06:27.000 You know, at Mar-a-Lago.
01:06:28.000 What's it called?
01:06:29.000 Trump turns Mar-a-Lago club terrorist into open air situation.
01:06:33.000 I mean, everything he does, Joe.
01:06:35.000 You know, new presidents get a fucking honeymoon.
01:06:39.000 This guy's been under attack.
01:06:41.000 It's just ridiculous.
01:06:43.000 Everything he says, they fucking go after him.
01:06:45.000 But don't you think that he is also instigating a lot of this by when he pointed to that guy from CNN and said, you're fake news?
01:06:51.000 That was refreshing to me.
01:06:54.000 Well, I've been saying that since 1988 before I even followed politics.
01:06:58.000 I go, does anybody watch this fucking network and see how fucking stupid it is?
01:07:01.000 I mean, they're blatantly fucking left-wing.
01:07:04.000 Well, they're blatantly left-wing.
01:07:05.000 Fox is blatantly right-wing.
01:07:06.000 If you switch back and forth, you don't think Fox is blatantly right-wing?
01:07:09.000 You get both.
01:07:10.000 And I love having this argument because everybody says that to me.
01:07:12.000 I go, well, do you watch Fox?
01:07:13.000 No, I wouldn't.
01:07:14.000 It's too stupid.
01:07:15.000 Then how the fuck do you know?
01:07:16.000 You get both.
01:07:17.000 There's people at Fox who hate Trump.
01:07:20.000 I spend time over there.
01:07:21.000 I know who...
01:07:22.000 This guy's on during the day.
01:07:25.000 Fucking Shepard Smith. 1.00
01:07:26.000 Fucking hates him.
01:07:28.000 Who else?
01:07:29.000 There's a woman who hates him. 0.92
01:07:30.000 Shepard Smith's an interesting character.
01:07:31.000 Does he admit he's gay?
01:07:33.000 I keep telling him, but he won't admit it.
01:07:35.000 He looks beautiful.
01:07:36.000 He attacked me.
01:07:36.000 If I was gay.
01:07:37.000 What?
01:07:37.000 He attacked me.
01:07:38.000 For what?
01:07:39.000 Him and Judge Napolitano.
01:07:40.000 Joe's like a real innocent.
01:07:42.000 For what?
01:07:42.000 Nick, you probably didn't provoke that, did you?
01:07:44.000 And the judge did?
01:07:45.000 Yeah, Napolitano.
01:07:46.000 I do, too.
01:07:47.000 I like Napolitano.
01:07:47.000 I'm a fan.
01:07:48.000 He wants to come on the podcast.
01:07:49.000 I gotta get that guy on.
01:07:51.000 We were talking about what a badass he is?
01:07:54.000 Something called the Strategy Room, years ago.
01:07:57.000 No, it was a streaming show on Fox.
01:07:59.000 What did you do wrong?
01:08:00.000 I showed up.
01:08:01.000 Be honest.
01:08:02.000 And we were talking about the elections, and I go, well, the fucking media was in the tank for Obama and Shepard Smith.
01:08:07.000 I just met him.
01:08:08.000 He's sitting there, and they fucking double-teamed me.
01:08:12.000 What did Shepard Smith say?
01:08:14.000 He goes, it's so typical.
01:08:16.000 You're the type of guy.
01:08:17.000 You could tell he must have known me from, like, Tough Crowd or whatever and hated my politics.
01:08:21.000 You could tell it was something before I met him.
01:08:24.000 He goes, you have to blame every...
01:08:27.000 You're the type of guy that has to blame everybody.
01:08:28.000 He went off like a fucking fighter.
01:08:30.000 And for once in my life, I sort of sat there.
01:08:32.000 Why?
01:08:33.000 Like a mature.
01:08:34.000 Because he was making an ass of himself.
01:08:37.000 Oh, so you let him?
01:08:37.000 Yeah.
01:08:38.000 Wow.
01:08:38.000 Where'd you get that restraint?
01:08:39.000 I don't know that day.
01:08:41.000 That day was just there.
01:08:42.000 Just for that five minutes.
01:08:43.000 I've never had it again or since.
01:08:45.000 I was in the tank.
01:08:46.000 I was too lazy to fight back.
01:08:47.000 No, I'm in the Fox building.
01:08:49.000 I was trying to show some respect.
01:08:51.000 But you could tell...
01:08:52.000 He has since asked me to come on his show.
01:08:55.000 And you haven't?
01:08:56.000 No, I couldn't.
01:08:57.000 I was on the road or something.
01:08:59.000 But I don't hold that shit against anybody because I fly off the handle all the time.
01:09:04.000 Of course.
01:09:05.000 But it came out of...
01:09:06.000 I could tell he must have known my comedy and didn't like it, thought I was homophobic or whatever the fuck.
01:09:11.000 You know what I mean?
01:09:12.000 Yeah, probably that.
01:09:13.000 Do you know what I mean?
01:09:13.000 Yeah.
01:09:14.000 And so he went with the right-wing thing.
01:09:15.000 Yeah.
01:09:16.000 Well, he said, you're the type of person that has to blame people.
01:09:19.000 I didn't know what the fuck that meant.
01:09:20.000 I'm a big fan of blaming people, especially when you do something.
01:09:23.000 Exactly.
01:09:24.000 Totally blame them.
01:09:24.000 That's how people learn.
01:09:25.000 I wish I said that to them.
01:09:26.000 That's how people learn, stupid.
01:09:27.000 No, I know, but- How else do they learn if you don't blame them?
01:09:30.000 But yeah, I mean- If you don't blame them, they just keep getting away with shit.
01:09:35.000 God, don't like me.
01:09:36.000 My mother always used to say to me, you don't let anything go.
01:09:39.000 And I go, I still don't at this age.
01:09:41.000 If an eight-year-old girl fucking gives me lip and I think she's wrong, I'll tell her why. 1.00
01:09:45.000 You know why?
01:09:46.000 It's a teaching moment that one president said.
01:09:48.000 You gotta let them know.
01:09:49.000 Otherwise, they don't know.
01:09:50.000 It's a learning moment.
01:09:51.000 Think of it like that.
01:09:52.000 Yeah.
01:09:52.000 You don't let them know.
01:09:53.000 You know what happens?
01:09:53.000 You get spoiled kings.
01:09:55.000 I mean, that's what a spoiled king is.
01:09:57.000 Spoiled kings, that's the name on my next CD. That's a good idea.
01:09:59.000 But I mean, that's what someone is when they just, anyone can tell them anything.
01:10:02.000 I mean, that's what you always say about like super rich celebrities.
01:10:05.000 You always hear that about people that are untouchable, they don't speak to, like when Meryl Streep Got in front of all those people and was giving that speech, you know, and she was going off.
01:10:14.000 That is someone that never has anyone talking to her and correcting her and telling her.
01:10:20.000 How ridiculous.
01:10:21.000 Well, that's 98% of Hollywood.
01:10:23.000 Exactly.
01:10:24.000 Especially really famous people.
01:10:26.000 Like when you get into that Tom Cruise realm where they don't communicate with anybody.
01:10:30.000 Right.
01:10:31.000 That's not a good thing.
01:10:34.000 It's not a good thing to have no one call you out on your shit.
01:10:36.000 Yeah.
01:10:38.000 You mean fucking Tom Cruise's sous chef might not be Republican?
01:10:42.000 Tom Cruise's sous chef is from fucking Planet Thetan. 0.91
01:10:46.000 For sure.
01:10:47.000 I learned that from Leah Remini.
01:10:49.000 Everybody around that guy's a Scientologist.
01:10:51.000 Everyone.
01:10:52.000 You know, I didn't know that Giovanni Ribisi is a Scientologist.
01:10:54.000 So now I see that ad for his new show, I'm like, look at that crazy fuck.
01:10:58.000 Who is that?
01:10:58.000 That's all I think.
01:10:59.000 Giovanni Ribisi?
01:11:00.000 Yeah.
01:11:01.000 He's been in a shitload of movies.
01:11:02.000 Very good actor.
01:11:03.000 But he's in that new Amazon thing.
01:11:06.000 Irish kid.
01:11:07.000 Sneaky Pete.
01:11:07.000 There he is.
01:11:08.000 That guy.
01:11:09.000 Scientology as fuck.
01:11:11.000 Look at that mustache.
01:11:12.000 That picture we were just clicking on.
01:11:13.000 He's got dead eyes.
01:11:14.000 Yeah, look at that.
01:11:14.000 That's a look.
01:11:15.000 What the hell?
01:11:19.000 Ladies, imagine that look chewing down on your box. 1.00
01:11:25.000 Yeah, he's a Scientologist.
01:11:27.000 He looks it.
01:11:28.000 It is amazing that there's still people in that.
01:11:30.000 Amazing.
01:11:31.000 I know.
01:11:31.000 There's only 10,000 people, according to Leah Remini.
01:11:34.000 How many at its peak?
01:11:35.000 Worldwide.
01:11:36.000 How many at its peak?
01:11:36.000 Oh, fuckload.
01:11:37.000 Fuckload. 0.99
01:11:38.000 Yeah.
01:11:38.000 They have so much money, though.
01:11:40.000 What's incredible is those people have donated so much money.
01:11:43.000 They're like the number two real estate holders in Los Angeles.
01:11:46.000 Yeah, that's what I've...
01:11:46.000 They're all over the place.
01:11:48.000 They're like fucking Starbucks.
01:11:49.000 A lot of cash.
01:11:50.000 David Miskevich?
01:11:52.000 They're a good group to have behind you, if they're behind you.
01:11:55.000 Like, if you're a Scientologist and you're also an actor or something like that, they'll fucking insulate you.
01:12:00.000 Did you ask her that?
01:12:01.000 That's what I wanted to ask her if I ever met her.
01:12:03.000 Because you had a lot of success while you were doing that, like, in your profession as an actor.
01:12:07.000 Did you attribute it to, do you think, Scientology helped you?
01:12:10.000 She definitely did at one point in time.
01:12:12.000 Yeah.
01:12:12.000 I think what...
01:12:13.000 You think about, like, the work that's involved.
01:12:15.000 Like, she was telling me that every day they'd have to do two and a half hours worth of work.
01:12:19.000 Every day.
01:12:20.000 You're constantly working on it and constantly, like, reading the stuff and going over things.
01:12:24.000 I think any time you have that kind of discipline, that translates over to other things.
01:12:29.000 Like, people ask me, like, how can you, like, why do you have so much discipline, like, with comedy or with all the different, like, how much you work so hard?
01:12:35.000 Because I had to with fighting.
01:12:37.000 If you don't have discipline with fighting, you get fucked up. 0.92
01:12:40.000 That's just the way it is.
01:12:40.000 You get the shit kicked out of you.
01:12:41.000 That's why sports is good.
01:12:42.000 Sports are very good.
01:12:43.000 It's good to lose.
01:12:44.000 Young kids, okay?
01:12:45.000 It's good to lose.
01:12:46.000 We don't want to have gym class.
01:12:47.000 It's unfair.
01:12:48.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
01:12:48.000 If you don't, I know a comic, I won't say his name, but he's been pretty open about it, about one of the reasons why he's fucked up as an adult, because his parents didn't encourage him to do anything competitive when he was young, so he didn't learn how to lose. 1.00
01:13:03.000 Yeah, that seems like half the fucking Democrats now that are freaking out that Trump won.
01:13:09.000 I'm like, did any of these people play sports?
01:13:11.000 Seriously.
01:13:11.000 I think there's a lot of people that are freaking out that Trump won because this guy is, first of all, he's not using the Secret Service.
01:13:17.000 He's using his own security people.
01:13:19.000 He's tweeting.
01:13:20.000 He's bigger problems.
01:13:21.000 He's got an Android phone that someone could easily hack into.
01:13:25.000 He's a maniac.
01:13:27.000 I mean, he's basically running things his way like he does a business.
01:13:30.000 And you've got to abandon all that.
01:13:32.000 The country is a business.
01:13:33.000 It's not really.
01:13:34.000 Yeah, it is.
01:13:34.000 It's a corporation.
01:13:35.000 That's all I've been hearing from the left since I was 10 years old.
01:13:37.000 Now you've got a businessman there.
01:13:38.000 Let's see what happens.
01:13:39.000 You're eating wood over there.
01:13:40.000 He's going crazy.
01:13:41.000 He's turning into a beaver.
01:13:42.000 This is what happens to you.
01:13:44.000 He starts talking politics.
01:13:46.000 He's eating stirrers.
01:13:47.000 I drank...
01:13:48.000 Caveman coffee.
01:13:49.000 It's the shit.
01:13:49.000 I drank fucking almost all of this.
01:13:51.000 And I've got to get on a plane in a couple hours.
01:13:53.000 I'm going to be shitting blood.
01:13:55.000 You're going to be very creative on that plane.
01:13:58.000 I hope you brought a laptop.
01:13:59.000 You're going to have some thoughts.
01:14:00.000 I have a coloring book and, uh, what else?
01:14:03.000 Some Rorschach prints from my childhood.
01:14:05.000 Well, you have your phone.
01:14:05.000 You could write in your phone.
01:14:07.000 I gotta get a new mug.
01:14:08.000 Take that pad with you.
01:14:09.000 I'll give you a pen.
01:14:11.000 You're gonna write some great jokes on the way home.
01:14:13.000 Do you?
01:14:13.000 No, but you mentioned that earlier.
01:14:14.000 You write when you're fucking high, right?
01:14:16.000 All the time.
01:14:17.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:14:18.000 Almost always.
01:14:19.000 And it works good for you?
01:14:19.000 I write sober.
01:14:20.000 I write sober.
01:14:21.000 I do everything sober and high.
01:14:22.000 I do both.
01:14:23.000 I take a couple Excedrin PM before I write, and that's why I've slowed down as far as productive.
01:14:28.000 No, um, so you fucking...
01:14:30.000 Yeah.
01:14:31.000 Well, I think, uh, I gotta believe Stephen Wright used to write like that, right?
01:14:35.000 I don't think he did.
01:14:36.000 No?
01:14:36.000 I think he's just a really bright guy.
01:14:38.000 You know, Stephen Wright's stuff is almost like too obscure to write when you're high.
01:14:42.000 I used to work in a fire hydrant plant.
01:14:46.000 Couldn't park anywhere near the place.
01:14:50.000 Like that kind of stuff?
01:14:53.000 Me and him hung out for a week doing Horace and Pete.
01:14:55.000 Louie's thing he did.
01:14:57.000 So me and Stephen became like asshole buddies for that week.
01:15:00.000 Everything out of my mouth, he'd be fucking belly laughing in his same ear.
01:15:04.000 And then Louie had Alan Alda saying all this racist shit.
01:15:08.000 As this racist old bartender?
01:15:10.000 I mean, dropping the end bomb and shit?
01:15:12.000 Did you ever see it?
01:15:13.000 I never saw Horace and Pete.
01:15:15.000 Is it only online on Louie's website?
01:15:17.000 Or is it somewhere else?
01:15:18.000 No.
01:15:18.000 I don't, that's a great question.
01:15:19.000 It's gotta, it's gotta end up, I gotta believe it's gotta end up on Netflix and shit.
01:15:22.000 That's what I felt like.
01:15:23.000 I felt like, I'm just gonna wait.
01:15:24.000 But he had, he had, he had a woman, one of the characters had Tourette's.
01:15:31.000 And she'd yell out, like, fucking N-word and shit. 1.00
01:15:33.000 You know, and I can't even say it, even on your podcast.
01:15:37.000 But me and Steven would look at each other.
01:15:39.000 You know, he'd be sitting at the end of the bar, and I'd see his shoulders trying out the left.
01:15:43.000 Because Alan Alda's saying the N-word.
01:15:45.000 Hawkeye Pierce is, like, being this racist.
01:15:47.000 And Louie had this girl who was supposed to have Tourette's in the show saying the most heinous shit you have ever heard. 0.75
01:15:52.000 And me and Steven, you're comics.
01:15:54.000 We've been in comics our whole lives.
01:15:55.000 You'd think you'd be jaded at that, but only Louie could come up with shit so outrageous.
01:15:59.000 But to see it coming out of Hawkeye Pierce's mouth, a liberal from the west side, was making me hard.
01:16:05.000 That's hilarious.
01:16:06.000 And Steven was crying.
01:16:07.000 He'd put his head down.
01:16:08.000 That is fucking hilarious.
01:16:11.000 Yeah, that was so much fun.
01:16:12.000 Did he do Horace and Pete with real people and then animated over the real people?
01:16:17.000 Is that how he did it?
01:16:18.000 No, he shot it like a play.
01:16:23.000 So it's not an animated show?
01:16:24.000 No, no, no.
01:16:25.000 Oh, I was under the impression it was an animated show.
01:16:27.000 Joe, please watch it.
01:16:28.000 You will love it.
01:16:28.000 This is how Louie described it in one of the interviews, because it's like really dark and kind of, he goes, it's kind of depressing and shit.
01:16:34.000 He goes, it's like the show Cheers if everybody had cancer around the bar.
01:16:40.000 Dude, you'll eat it up.
01:16:42.000 Okay.
01:16:43.000 First of all, you're from the same hometown, right?
01:16:44.000 Is it Louie?
01:16:45.000 Yeah.
01:16:46.000 You'll fucking eat it up.
01:16:48.000 I think it's the best shit he's ever done.
01:16:50.000 Really?
01:16:50.000 He said that, too.
01:16:51.000 Wow.
01:16:52.000 Didn't he, like, go broke making it?
01:16:53.000 Not really.
01:16:55.000 No, exactly.
01:16:56.000 Emptied his whatever he had laying around.
01:16:57.000 He went on Stern to explain these people going, Louie's fucking broke.
01:17:00.000 And he went on Stern on one of these radio shows, and he went, He goes, every production company when they're doing a production is in the red.
01:17:07.000 He goes, I'll go tour for three months and I'll make my money back.
01:17:10.000 But yeah, he spent a ton of his own money.
01:17:13.000 Which is so ballsy of him.
01:17:15.000 It's so funny when people say that.
01:17:16.000 Louis C.K.'s broke.
01:17:17.000 Louis C.K. does one show and he's not broke anymore.
01:17:19.000 Do you understand that?
01:17:20.000 Yeah.
01:17:20.000 He'll do Madison Square Garden and make more than you do in 10 years.
01:17:23.000 One hour, he makes years and years of salary.
01:17:27.000 Stop.
01:17:28.000 He's not broke.
01:17:28.000 No, exactly.
01:17:30.000 You'll eat the shit up.
01:17:31.000 I'm telling you.
01:17:32.000 I'm sure.
01:17:32.000 I love everything he does.
01:17:34.000 There's not one thing he's ever done that I don't like.
01:17:36.000 He goes, come over to my house.
01:17:38.000 This was before he did Horse and Pete.
01:17:40.000 I started with the comedy salad.
01:17:41.000 He goes, give me a ride home.
01:17:42.000 He goes, come in.
01:17:43.000 I'm working on it.
01:17:44.000 He goes, read this.
01:17:45.000 And I read some fucking shit.
01:17:47.000 And then a week later, he goes, come to my house tomorrow for lunch.
01:17:49.000 I fucking ring the doorbell.
01:17:51.000 Alan Alda opens the door.
01:17:52.000 I'm like, what the fuck?
01:17:53.000 Where does he live?
01:17:54.000 Don't say exactly.
01:17:56.000 Don't give his address.
01:17:57.000 He's 211 Bleecker Street, apartment 3C, fourth floor.
01:18:02.000 He's got a red door.
01:18:03.000 Ding dong! 0.99
01:18:04.000 We're here!
01:18:04.000 He lives right around, you know, he lives in fucking, you know, Half Mile the Comedy Cellar.
01:18:09.000 Somewhere.
01:18:10.000 And he just bought another thing, so he's got a lot of fucking...
01:18:12.000 Moves around.
01:18:13.000 But I, so I see, Alan Alden answers the door.
01:18:16.000 I, uh, I go in the kitchen.
01:18:17.000 Steve Hashimi's in the kitchen.
01:18:20.000 I'm meeting all these...
01:18:21.000 And then, you know who?
01:18:23.000 Edie Falco rings the doorbell like five minutes later. 1.00
01:18:25.000 And we're sitting there reading the script.
01:18:26.000 She's tired of that nanny show, huh? 1.00
01:18:27.000 What is it?
01:18:28.000 Nurse?
01:18:28.000 Nurse Jackie?
01:18:30.000 She'd get kind of mad at me because I go...
01:18:32.000 I went up to her.
01:18:32.000 I said...
01:18:33.000 I go, you are one of the best actors I've ever...
01:18:35.000 I go, I'm still hung up on the Sopranos.
01:18:37.000 I go, I still watch the Sopranos on a loop.
01:18:39.000 And she goes, that's too bad.
01:18:40.000 And she like walked away. 0.99
01:18:41.000 Because, you know, actress, famous people, if you don't know their latest work, they get kind of bent out of shape.
01:18:46.000 Oh, really?
01:18:46.000 She got bent out of shape?
01:18:47.000 A little bit.
01:18:48.000 That's how I read it.
01:18:49.000 She takes herself seriously.
01:18:51.000 When I said it to her, I was choking her.
01:18:53.000 She's like, this fucking asshole. 1.00
01:18:54.000 I saw Shepard Smith tear you into an asshole. 1.00
01:18:56.000 She loved me.
01:18:57.000 No, she fucking loved me. 0.94
01:19:01.000 She was working with Ferrara.
01:19:02.000 Remember?
01:19:03.000 Adam Ferrara was on that Nurse Jack.
01:19:04.000 Yes.
01:19:04.000 And she was great.
01:19:06.000 I had a little, you know, line or two with her.
01:19:08.000 She's a bartender. 1.00
01:19:09.000 But you gotta watch it just to see the woman with Tourette's. 0.93
01:19:12.000 She'll be right in the middle of, like, a serious conversation.
01:19:14.000 Lick my pussy, you fucking asshole! 1.00
01:19:15.000 Whoa.
01:19:16.000 And I look over at Stephen Wright.
01:19:18.000 He's trying to put his head down.
01:19:19.000 And then Louis, Louis would be behind the bar, right?
01:19:22.000 In some scenes, he'd be bartending.
01:19:24.000 And, like, Edie Falco would be having a chat with some other actress in the scene.
01:19:28.000 He'd come over to me and, like...
01:19:30.000 I had a little piece of paper.
01:19:31.000 He'd draw shit like a big dick and hand it to me.
01:19:34.000 I mean, he is psychotic.
01:19:37.000 He hands me a note and it says, we used to do the Naughty Pine for $75.
01:19:43.000 Do you remember that gig in Quincy called the Naughty Pine?
01:19:45.000 Yeah, I do remember that gig.
01:19:46.000 He hands me that.
01:19:47.000 And I turned it over.
01:19:49.000 I wrote back.
01:19:49.000 I go, I'm doing it next week for $125.
01:19:53.000 Is that a Barry Katz gig?
01:19:55.000 Yes, it was Barry Cash.
01:19:56.000 It was like a dance floor.
01:19:58.000 Oh, those are the best.
01:19:59.000 They'd bring you on, the ball spinning, and they'd go, okay, get off the dance floor, we got a comedian coming up.
01:20:03.000 Didn't you get in a fist fight in one of those places?
01:20:06.000 No, I got to do a fist fight in two actual comedy clubs.
01:20:09.000 Two actual comedy clubs?
01:20:10.000 Yeah, Giggles in Seattle. 1.00
01:20:12.000 And Giggles in Boston, which are totally unrelated.
01:20:15.000 Giggles in Seattle's not around anymore, right? 0.98
01:20:16.000 That was like a real, wasn't it like a real Christian room or something like that?
01:20:19.000 You had to be clean?
01:20:20.000 No.
01:20:20.000 No?
01:20:21.000 Fuck no.
01:20:21.000 Are you kidding me?
01:20:22.000 I had people in a headlock.
01:20:23.000 I was a hero out there.
01:20:26.000 You would have loved it.
01:20:28.000 Yeah, two different incidents.
01:20:29.000 And with my act, I was talking about with the woman who runs the club in Chicago. 1.00
01:20:33.000 I go, I've only had two altercations.
01:20:35.000 And she goes, that's it with that fucking act? 1.00
01:20:37.000 I go, exactly.
01:20:38.000 I go, I'd say that's pretty damn good.
01:20:39.000 That is pretty good.
01:20:41.000 Broke my hands on both, though.
01:20:42.000 You broke your hands punching people?
01:20:44.000 Jesus Christ.
01:20:45.000 Well, I didn't start.
01:20:46.000 I mean, they fucking...
01:20:46.000 Throw elbows.
01:20:46.000 They were punching back, Joe.
01:20:47.000 Don't act like a sucker.
01:20:48.000 They don't learn how to throw elbows.
01:20:49.000 Very difficult to break your elbow.
01:20:50.000 Well, I know.
01:20:50.000 You have to teach me.
01:20:51.000 I'll show you.
01:20:52.000 But I got the shoulders of a hundred-year-old man.
01:20:53.000 Well, didn't you have serious shoulder surgery?
01:20:55.000 Major reconstruction on both of them.
01:20:57.000 Does it feel good now?
01:20:58.000 Do they feel all right?
01:20:58.000 They never bothered me...
01:21:00.000 I went on to play.
01:21:01.000 I wasn't supposed to...
01:21:01.000 After high school, the guy did him right after high school, and they told me, you shouldn't really go play.
01:21:06.000 And I went up to Maine and played football.
01:21:07.000 And the guy did such a good job.
01:21:09.000 I still remember his name.
01:21:10.000 Lyle McKaylee.
01:21:11.000 He still gives speeches about that.
01:21:12.000 He's got to be in his 70s now.
01:21:14.000 Wow.
01:21:14.000 And he did such a great job of putting my shoulders back together that I played a couple years in college.
01:21:19.000 And they're fine.
01:21:20.000 And I don't even have pain when I wake up.
01:21:23.000 I'm sure that's going to change in a week.
01:21:25.000 Well, do you do exercises with them?
01:21:27.000 Yeah, well, you know, I work out.
01:21:30.000 But for exercises specifically for shoulders, I just started doing within the last few years because I had shoulder injuries.
01:21:36.000 But one of the best ones ever is kettlebells, like bottoms-up kettlebells.
01:21:40.000 I think you showed me.
01:21:41.000 I don't think I showed you this because this is one that I've recently gotten into.
01:21:44.000 What the fuck?
01:21:44.000 Is that 120 pounds?
01:21:45.000 No, this is only 40 pounds, but you do bottoms-up, meaning you hold it like this so you have to balance it.
01:21:50.000 I like the name of it.
01:21:51.000 So all your stabilization muscles.
01:21:53.000 Oh, yeah!
01:21:55.000 They're all like constantly adjusting and moving.
01:21:57.000 And then that lands on your nose.
01:21:59.000 No, it's all good for your grip, too.
01:22:01.000 So you work on those.
01:22:03.000 And, well, you know what's good?
01:22:05.000 For me, I used to laugh at people that used the, you know what?
01:22:08.000 Those means, those flies?
01:22:10.000 Yeah.
01:22:11.000 Yeah, those are good.
01:22:11.000 Those are good.
01:22:12.000 It's good for you, you know what I mean?
01:22:13.000 Yeah, I never used to do specific shoulder exercises.
01:22:16.000 I did everything and the shoulders got worked while I was doing all those things, but I never did specific shoulder exercises until I had a shoulder injury.
01:22:23.000 Yeah.
01:22:24.000 Then I started doing a lot of rotation exercises, all these different things to build up the rotator cuff and stuff.
01:22:29.000 Yeah.
01:22:29.000 Right after the surgery, I did a ton of that.
01:22:31.000 Yeah, you gotta do all that stuff.
01:22:33.000 This guy was so good, Lyle McKaylee.
01:22:34.000 I went to a doctor a couple years ago in New York, in Westchester County, where I live, because I was having problems with my roto.
01:22:40.000 And he goes, boy, what's with the scars?
01:22:43.000 I go, he had something called a Bankart procedure back in the 80s.
01:22:47.000 And I go, a guy named Lyle McKaylee did it.
01:22:50.000 He goes, I'll be damned.
01:22:51.000 He goes, I went to a convention up at Harvard, a doctor's convention.
01:22:54.000 He was speaking about shoulder fucking injuries.
01:22:56.000 Wow.
01:22:57.000 He was the Patriots guy back then.
01:23:00.000 And God bless my parents to find a decent doctor.
01:23:03.000 And he did a great fucking job.
01:23:06.000 Right after I had him done, I couldn't bench heavy anymore and shit.
01:23:10.000 Stuff behind my neck is...
01:23:11.000 There's a lot of people who don't believe in benching heavy anyway.
01:23:13.000 They think benching heavy just fucks your shoulders up no matter what.
01:23:16.000 That's how I originally fucked him up.
01:23:18.000 Yeah.
01:23:19.000 Especially back in the 80s.
01:23:20.000 Nobody knew about warming up and stretching.
01:23:22.000 I was, like, benching with a lineman.
01:23:24.000 Oh, God.
01:23:24.000 And what happens is you're still growing at that point.
01:23:26.000 Yeah, you were a big fuck when I first met you.
01:23:29.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:23:29.000 When I first met you, it was very encouraging to me.
01:23:32.000 Because I had always thought that to be a comic, you had to be out of shape and goofy looking.
01:23:36.000 And I always felt...
01:23:37.000 They hate us.
01:23:38.000 Yeah, I felt like I didn't belong.
01:23:40.000 We didn't, Joe.
01:23:42.000 And then I saw you on stage killing, and I was like, whew, I want to be okay.
01:23:45.000 But you know what?
01:23:46.000 They fucking still hate it.
01:23:47.000 Nothing has changed.
01:23:48.000 Well, Maren even admitted it to me, like, when I did this podcast.
01:23:51.000 He was saying, like, you shouldn't be doing this.
01:23:54.000 This is our thing.
01:23:55.000 And I was like, well, that's crazy.
01:23:56.000 That was the mentality.
01:23:58.000 It's like, what are you talking about?
01:23:59.000 What has that got to do with being funny?
01:24:01.000 I love this idea you have to have low self-esteem, shitty parents, shitty upbringing.
01:24:05.000 You have to punch up.
01:24:06.000 I think it's funnier when you punch down.
01:24:08.000 What's funnier than punching a little kid in the back of the head?
01:24:11.000 There's definitely things that are funnier than that.
01:24:13.000 No, I'm kidding.
01:24:13.000 I would never hit a kid.
01:24:14.000 You're out there punching other people's kids.
01:24:16.000 I wouldn't punch your kids.
01:24:16.000 How dare you?
01:24:17.000 I mean kids that deserve it.
01:24:18.000 You know, Irish kids.
01:24:19.000 But punching...
01:24:20.000 I had an argument with this professor who wrote a book on comedy.
01:24:24.000 Remember that guy?
01:24:26.000 Oren Corey.
01:24:26.000 He just died.
01:24:27.000 I don't remember his name.
01:24:27.000 He wrote a book on comedy.
01:24:29.000 He was like, well, punching up is always funnier.
01:24:32.000 And I'm like, okay.
01:24:33.000 Okay, nerd.
01:24:34.000 That's not true.
01:24:34.000 Sam Kinison's bit about starving kids in Africa is one of the greatest bits of all time.
01:24:38.000 Yes.
01:24:39.000 And it's as punching down as you ever can get.
01:24:41.000 Because it's so fucked up.
01:24:43.000 You're listening to it.
01:24:43.000 You go, oh, Jesus.
01:24:44.000 I can't believe you're saying this.
01:24:45.000 And you're fucking crying laughing.
01:24:47.000 Funny is funny.
01:24:48.000 Well, you equated, you know, like sports and comedy, like you said, football and fighting.
01:24:52.000 And when I'm in a fight, I throw up, down, sideways.
01:24:55.000 Every angle.
01:24:56.000 Right, in a lot of ways, yeah.
01:24:58.000 Punches come from everywhere.
01:24:59.000 Exactly.
01:25:00.000 That's why this whole thing about punching down is so fucking stupid, or the idea that you have to be a dork in order to be funny.
01:25:06.000 Some of the funniest people I ever met were savages.
01:25:09.000 Like, that's where I learned how to do comedy, was in the gym.
01:25:11.000 I know.
01:25:11.000 Guys, that's the reason why I got into stand-up in the first place.
01:25:14.000 I would make people laugh when we were on a bus on the way to tournaments.
01:25:18.000 It was like gallows humor.
01:25:19.000 There you go.
01:25:20.000 Everybody was scared, and I would be the guy who was making everybody laugh.
01:25:23.000 They were all savages.
01:25:24.000 Yeah.
01:25:25.000 Those guys at a time with the linemen that took the fucking... 0.92
01:25:27.000 They were some of the funniest motherfuckers I've ever met in my life.
01:25:30.000 I'm sure.
01:25:31.000 And not dumb jock funny.
01:25:32.000 I mean, they would actually come up with clever shit.
01:25:35.000 But yeah, that was the mentality.
01:25:37.000 Like Kevin Flynn...
01:25:38.000 I remember Kevin.
01:25:39.000 He's a soccer player, UMass.
01:25:40.000 He was a real good soccer player.
01:25:42.000 Real good soccer player, right?
01:25:43.000 But he used to talk about it because him and me came together at the Boston scene.
01:25:48.000 He was another one.
01:25:49.000 He was a jock.
01:25:50.000 And they hated us.
01:25:51.000 Janine, and I love fucking Janine. 1.00
01:25:53.000 I still do.
01:25:54.000 The first night I met Janine, it was a fucking open mic. 0.99
01:25:58.000 I've been in the business about fucking eight, ten months maybe.
01:26:01.000 It was at Stitches.
01:26:02.000 I walk in.
01:26:03.000 She's sitting in the little box office.
01:26:04.000 She goes, nice acid-washed jeans. 0.80
01:26:07.000 And they weren't.
01:26:08.000 They were faded.
01:26:09.000 They were actually faded?
01:26:10.000 They were faded.
01:26:11.000 She goes, nice acid watch jeans. 1.00
01:26:13.000 And I've never met her before.
01:26:15.000 I go, nice boots.
01:26:16.000 What are you going, clamming lady, you cunt? 1.00
01:26:19.000 That's how I met Janine Garofalo.
01:26:21.000 And it didn't even phase her, which made me like her, number one.
01:26:25.000 She didn't even fucking, she kind of like smirked. 1.00
01:26:27.000 And people, even now, my friends don't believe that, how do you like her comedy and shit?
01:26:33.000 I watched her at Stitches going on after Steve Sweeney, you know, the whole boys club.
01:26:37.000 And I did that young comedian special.
01:26:39.000 She always had her own point of view and shit.
01:26:42.000 You know, it's not...
01:26:43.000 My friends always never believed that you liked her.
01:26:46.000 I kind of think she's funny.
01:26:47.000 Well, we used to play softball with her.
01:26:49.000 Did you really?
01:26:50.000 Yeah, she used to be on that comedian softball thing. 1.00
01:26:52.000 We used to meet on Mondays.
01:26:54.000 Where?
01:26:54.000 In New York?
01:26:55.000 No, in Boston.
01:26:56.000 Yeah, Dave Cross was in it.
01:26:58.000 Yeah, there was a lot of people.
01:27:01.000 Some good athletes, Janine, David Cross.
01:27:04.000 Brian Frazier?
01:27:05.000 You remember Brian Frazier?
01:27:06.000 He was another one.
01:27:07.000 What happened to him, Joe?
01:27:08.000 I think he's writing now.
01:27:09.000 He was another one.
01:27:10.000 That guy was giant.
01:27:12.000 He was fucking built like a brick shithouse.
01:27:14.000 One time he went on stage with a shirt on, like a golf shirt, and after I got him off stage, I go, dude, you can't dress like that.
01:27:21.000 I go, look, I'm your friend, and I can't stop staring at your arms.
01:27:24.000 You can't dress like that.
01:27:26.000 Because he was a bodybuilder at one point in time, and he got really Yeah, absolutely right.
01:27:30.000 And who else?
01:27:31.000 There was another...
01:27:32.000 Oh, Brian Kiley!
01:27:33.000 Brian Kiley, he was a big fucker, too.
01:27:35.000 He was a gorilla!
01:27:35.000 And he's like a really cerebral writer.
01:27:37.000 Yeah.
01:27:38.000 So yeah, that whole myth of, you know...
01:27:40.000 Nonsense.
01:27:40.000 And they do resent you.
01:27:41.000 And I still feel like an outsider in this business.
01:27:43.000 I still...
01:27:44.000 I got a couple friends, you know, fucking...
01:27:46.000 You're not an outsider at all.
01:27:47.000 Well, you know, Colin Quinn is like, you know, we're on the phone every night.
01:27:53.000 He's probably my closest.
01:27:53.000 And Louie.
01:27:55.000 But I don't have much in common with him outside of showbiz.
01:27:59.000 Well, you can't go to the UCB. I have.
01:28:03.000 Just to ruin their night.
01:28:04.000 I go in and I blow it up and I go, follow that.
01:28:06.000 Go tell a fucking other mediocre story with two punchlines every 30 minutes.
01:28:10.000 Well, go there and not get paid, too.
01:28:11.000 How about that?
01:28:13.000 Stupid fucks. 0.61
01:28:14.000 They allowed these people to create an empire with not paying the comedians.
01:28:18.000 That is so disgusting.
01:28:20.000 Duncan Trestle had a whole bit about it.
01:28:22.000 Like, what have you done?
01:28:25.000 Like, you've decided to do this one thing, this one place where the cerebral people go, you make all the money?
01:28:31.000 That's not very cerebral.
01:28:32.000 That seems pretty fucking stupid.
01:28:34.000 How'd they do that?
01:28:34.000 How'd they get away with that?
01:28:35.000 I don't know.
01:28:36.000 I don't understand it.
01:28:37.000 People, there's always people who, you know, want to be in the arts.
01:28:41.000 They'll fucking work for nothing.
01:28:42.000 Yeah, and they also want to be in the inside.
01:28:45.000 They want to be on the inside.
01:28:47.000 Yeah, I never felt that way.
01:28:48.000 They want to be in the clique.
01:28:49.000 You got to go there to be in the clique.
01:28:51.000 Like Pat and Oswald.
01:28:54.000 Who I've, you know, he came on Tough Crowd and he almost insinuated that I was like a dick joke specialist.
01:29:01.000 And even Colin, we like fucking, what?
01:29:04.000 That you're a dick joke specialist?
01:29:06.000 Yeah, I made a joke on that episode, a black dick joke or something, and he kind of implied that's what I do or something. 0.84
01:29:13.000 And like me and Colin turned on him.
01:29:15.000 And I'm like, I never, I always thought he's kind of overrated as a stand-up, but I've really grown to love his stand-up.
01:29:22.000 Oh, his stand-up's very good.
01:29:23.000 Yeah, he's a great writer, but he's a nerdy who we have nothing in common.
01:29:27.000 But I like people like that.
01:29:30.000 They don't necessarily...
01:29:31.000 I think they're like more...
01:29:33.000 The so-called tolerant crowd is a lot less tolerant than I am.
01:29:36.000 It's true.
01:29:37.000 It is true.
01:29:37.000 You mean tolerant people, what they consider themselves to be progressive people, are oftentimes very intolerant.
01:29:43.000 He's not.
01:29:43.000 Patton's actually...
01:29:44.000 He's a good dude.
01:29:45.000 I hit him up on Twitter and, you know, and so, you know, I've actually...
01:29:51.000 But yeah, I still feel...
01:29:54.000 I don't watch movies.
01:29:55.000 I hate the political correctness.
01:29:57.000 I haven't, you know, Big Bang Theory and shit.
01:29:59.000 I go, what am I doing?
01:30:01.000 You know, his wife died from that fucking fentanyl shit.
01:30:04.000 She's another one who died.
01:30:04.000 Who, Patton Oswalt?
01:30:05.000 Yeah.
01:30:06.000 Is that what caused her?
01:30:07.000 Yep, that goddamn fentanyl.
01:30:08.000 The same shit that killed Prince, same shit that killed a buddy of mine.
01:30:12.000 Is that what the autopsy said?
01:30:14.000 Yes, yes, yeah.
01:30:15.000 It was a combination of things, but fentanyl was in the mix.
01:30:17.000 Yeah, because he said, not too long ago, he said he thought it was like an accidental overdose, right?
01:30:23.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:30:23.000 How fucking horrible, man.
01:30:25.000 Fentanyl is supposedly hundreds of times, hundreds of thousands of times stronger.
01:30:28.000 Someone was explaining it the other day.
01:30:30.000 Stronger than regular opiates.
01:30:32.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:30:33.000 Yeah, it was a horse sterilizer, a horse tranquilizer, rather.
01:30:37.000 Yeah, that's not good.
01:30:38.000 Yeah, it's fucking terrifying.
01:30:39.000 Terrifying shit, that stuff.
01:30:41.000 They decided that OxyContin are killing people quick enough, so they came up with this stuff.
01:30:44.000 And if you fuck up one way or the other with that, fentanyl, just a slight overdose, and you're gone.
01:30:50.000 I'm a puss.
01:30:51.000 Or drugs, I'm a puss.
01:30:52.000 That fentanyl shit is terrifying.
01:30:53.000 It's killing people like crazy.
01:30:55.000 But you like your mushrooms and shit, right?
01:30:56.000 Yeah, but that stuff's...
01:30:58.000 No, I know, but I'm just saying, I would never do that in a trillion years.
01:31:01.000 Oh, you should do it.
01:31:04.000 You should definitely do.
01:31:04.000 It's good for it.
01:31:05.000 Are you kidding me?
01:31:06.000 After I just told you the edible story?
01:31:08.000 I might as well have been doing mushrooms.
01:31:09.000 It kills the ego.
01:31:10.000 It's good for you.
01:31:11.000 It kills it.
01:31:11.000 What are you trying to say?
01:31:12.000 It's good to step outside yourself and see who you are.
01:31:15.000 Kill my ego?
01:31:16.000 What are you trying to do?
01:31:16.000 Roll my career?
01:31:17.000 It'll come back.
01:31:17.000 It'll come back.
01:31:20.000 I'm just saying that it gives you the opportunity to look at yourself.
01:31:23.000 No, she'll go crazy. 1.00
01:31:24.000 She'll shit her pants. 1.00
01:31:26.000 Yeah, it'd be terrible.
01:31:27.000 She'd be like that bathtub girl. 0.81
01:31:28.000 You ever see the bathtub girl? 0.90
01:31:30.000 No.
01:31:30.000 The one Japanese lady with her asshole in the air?
01:31:33.000 Shit spraying up in the air and hitting her in the face? 1.00
01:31:35.000 That was Margaret Cho's last special.
01:31:37.000 Is that what you're talking about?
01:31:39.000 Come on, guys.
01:31:40.000 Quit being little fucking L.A. faggots. 1.00
01:31:42.000 Every time I say something piecey...
01:31:43.000 Oh, he said faggot!
01:31:44.000 How dare you! 0.99
01:31:46.000 How dare you! 0.99
01:31:48.000 I say faggot all the time, and I will continue to say faggot. 1.00
01:31:51.000 Wow.
01:31:52.000 I always call...
01:31:53.000 I said that on stage the other night.
01:31:55.000 Faggot... 1.00
01:31:55.000 I think Louie actually had a bit about it, but I've called everybody but a gay person a faggot. 1.00
01:32:00.000 My brother, you know, fucking Louie...
01:32:03.000 Don't you?
01:32:03.000 It's a good word.
01:32:03.000 Yeah, it's a good word.
01:32:05.000 And I said that on the Unmasked thing I did with Ron Bennington.
01:32:07.000 He goes, so you think that makes it right?
01:32:09.000 And I go, yeah.
01:32:10.000 Ron Bennington was trying to progressive you?
01:32:12.000 How dare he?
01:32:13.000 Your whole show is about...
01:32:14.000 I love him.
01:32:15.000 He's a good dude.
01:32:15.000 No, my whole show isn't.
01:32:16.000 No, his whole...
01:32:17.000 Ron Bennington's whole show.
01:32:18.000 Is what?
01:32:19.000 Breaking down silly hard rules.
01:32:22.000 Is it really?
01:32:23.000 I don't get to listen to him that much.
01:32:24.000 It's a fun show.
01:32:25.000 I love him.
01:32:25.000 He's smart and funny.
01:32:26.000 I don't hear it anymore.
01:32:27.000 I don't have Sirius anymore.
01:32:28.000 I stopped with the...
01:32:29.000 You better get it again, Joe.
01:32:31.000 Why?
01:32:31.000 Because I might get a show on there.
01:32:33.000 Well, I'll get it off BitTorrent.
01:32:35.000 Huh?
01:32:36.000 I'll find that site.
01:32:37.000 I even know about that site.
01:32:39.000 I'll find it so I want to put it online.
01:32:41.000 Get it in your car, one of your eight cars.
01:32:45.000 When you go into a fucking tunnel, it doesn't work.
01:32:46.000 I refuse to support that.
01:32:48.000 Oh, you Chris Christie?
01:32:49.000 What the fuck?
01:32:50.000 No, I think it's fucking stupid.
01:32:51.000 I think it's stupid.
01:32:52.000 I think satellite is stupid.
01:32:53.000 I think internet is the way to go.
01:32:54.000 I think you're living in the dark ages because I go through the...
01:32:57.000 I go through the tunnels in New Jersey.
01:32:59.000 Now you can listen to the radio all the way through the tunnels.
01:33:01.000 Regular radio, but not satellite radio.
01:33:03.000 Regular radio.
01:33:04.000 Yeah, they have radio signals.
01:33:06.000 They have transmitters in the tunnels.
01:33:07.000 You're right.
01:33:08.000 You're absolutely right.
01:33:09.000 Yeah, satellite doesn't work. 0.59
01:33:11.000 Go under a fucking...
01:33:11.000 You're trying to get the signal in L.A., you go under a bridge, like an overpass, it doesn't work.
01:33:17.000 Fuck you.
01:33:18.000 So that means someone could be talking about some important shit.
01:33:20.000 I have to stop traffic.
01:33:21.000 And I'll be like, hold on.
01:33:23.000 And then people beep and honk.
01:33:24.000 I'm like, I don't want it to cut out.
01:33:25.000 I see the red light.
01:33:26.000 I know.
01:33:27.000 I've done that.
01:33:27.000 I've been pulling it to my garage, and I'll hear you on or somebody like Louie or whatever.
01:33:32.000 You've got to back up.
01:33:33.000 I back out of my garage.
01:33:34.000 That's ancient technology.
01:33:36.000 No, I agree with you.
01:33:37.000 And it's commercials, too.
01:33:38.000 We're all going to have strings on our roof that go directly to the fucking transmitter.
01:33:41.000 I don't want to go that far.
01:33:43.000 We have wired cars.
01:33:44.000 We have wires that are crisscrossing each other.
01:33:47.000 It's fucking stupid.
01:33:48.000 It's a stupid technology.
01:33:49.000 Alright, I won't take the job.
01:33:50.000 The internet.
01:33:51.000 The internet has the way to go, goddammit.
01:33:53.000 Well, you and two other people have figured it out.
01:33:56.000 That's not true.
01:33:57.000 Come on, dude.
01:33:57.000 A lot of people have figured it out.
01:33:59.000 Joey Diaz gets millions of downloads a month now.
01:34:01.000 Yeah, because of you.
01:34:02.000 No, because of him.
01:34:02.000 Because he's fucking funny.
01:34:03.000 Because he's stuck with it.
01:34:04.000 I know he's funny.
01:34:05.000 I'm just saying, but you started him off, right?
01:34:07.000 I can do the same for you.
01:34:08.000 Didn't, huh?
01:34:08.000 I can do the same for you, Nick.
01:34:10.000 I can help you.
01:34:11.000 Come sit down.
01:34:11.000 Rub my back.
01:34:14.000 Is that what Joey did?
01:34:15.000 Come have some champagne with me.
01:34:18.000 Put on this robe.
01:34:19.000 It makes you look slim.
01:34:19.000 Alright, well that's why I came out here.
01:34:21.000 Seriously.
01:34:23.000 That's why I came out.
01:34:24.000 By the way, hit me up at Nick DiPaolo on Twitter and Instagram and all that other faggy shit you people like. 1.00
01:34:30.000 Faggy? 0.99
01:34:31.000 Oh my goodness.
01:34:32.000 How dare you?
01:34:33.000 It's on my Twitter.
01:34:35.000 You can find him.
01:34:37.000 No, but last time I did the show, I did it twice, right?
01:34:42.000 I go home before Christy.
01:34:43.000 By the time I got home, I had like 500 new followers on Twitter.
01:34:46.000 I go, what the fuck kind of rocket ship is he driving here?
01:34:49.000 Well, it's way crazier now, because the last time you were here was, what, a year ago?
01:34:52.000 How long was it?
01:34:53.000 It's either a year or two.
01:34:54.000 Jamie knows.
01:34:55.000 He's got it in a folder called Nick DiPaolo's Trips.
01:34:58.000 But whatever it is, the number of downloads that we've had since then is, like, more than ten times.
01:35:02.000 And why is that, Joe?
01:35:03.000 I don't know.
01:35:04.000 Something's happening.
01:35:05.000 I think you're a talented motherfucker.
01:35:06.000 Oh, thanks, sweetie.
01:35:07.000 That's so nice.
01:35:11.000 July last year?
01:35:12.000 July last year.
01:35:13.000 Was I out here a year?
01:35:14.000 Actually 2015. Thank you.
01:35:16.000 I can't believe when the year came by.
01:35:18.000 I told you I was going to come out every year.
01:35:20.000 At least do it once a year.
01:35:21.000 Anytime.
01:35:21.000 I was even thinking every six months or whatever.
01:35:23.000 Nick, call me up.
01:35:24.000 You can come anytime you want.
01:35:25.000 You told me that.
01:35:25.000 I'll open the place for you.
01:35:27.000 I will.
01:35:27.000 But here's the thing.
01:35:29.000 A year came.
01:35:30.000 I'm going, oh, I should be going out to Joe's.
01:35:31.000 I couldn't get off the couch.
01:35:32.000 I can't fucking go to LaGuardia.
01:35:34.000 Go through all that.
01:35:35.000 It's hard.
01:35:35.000 It's hard out there.
01:35:36.000 It sucks.
01:35:37.000 No, it is!
01:35:39.000 Dude, it is!
01:35:40.000 But no, I'm just saying, this show is like, I was saying it to Quinn on the phone, I go, doing Rogan's podcast, it's like doing a TV show.
01:35:47.000 Somebody said, are you going to do Conan or Joe's podcast?
01:35:49.000 I go, do Joe's podcast!
01:35:51.000 No, and I love Conan.
01:35:52.000 Well, he doesn't like you?
01:35:55.000 No, he loves me.
01:35:56.000 I'm just saying, I don't have anything.
01:35:58.000 You got a CISO show.
01:35:59.000 Yeah, I could have plugged that, I guess.
01:36:00.000 You know what the problem is?
01:36:01.000 You won't shine on Conan in seven minutes the way you shine in a couple of hours.
01:36:05.000 The couple of hours thing is what's up.
01:36:08.000 Yeah.
01:36:08.000 See, he's pointing at me for people listening.
01:36:10.000 He's smiling and pointing.
01:36:11.000 Well, you get cameras, too.
01:36:12.000 Yeah, but a lot of people are listening.
01:36:13.000 Way more people are listening than watching.
01:36:15.000 A four-minute, you're right, a four-minute interview on Conan as opposed to Joe Rogan doing...
01:36:22.000 I was supposed to do Seth Meyers last week, and it got canceled because of the snowstorms.
01:36:25.000 My flight got canceled.
01:36:26.000 And I was going to do his show because I really like him.
01:36:28.000 I think he does a great job.
01:36:29.000 I used to.
01:36:29.000 You don't like him anymore?
01:36:30.000 He's a fucking lefty.
01:36:31.000 Oh, he's gone lefty.
01:36:33.000 Gone lefty?
01:36:34.000 His first ten minutes make The Daily Show look like a Fox News channel.
01:36:38.000 But doesn't it make sense what he's saying?
01:36:40.000 It makes no sense.
01:36:41.000 See, you're on team fucking right.
01:36:43.000 I'm not on any teams.
01:36:44.000 I'm different than you.
01:36:45.000 Oh yeah, I'm on team right.
01:36:46.000 What the fuck are you talking about?
01:36:48.000 You're on team left.
01:36:49.000 I'm not on team left.
01:36:50.000 You wouldn't do that show.
01:36:52.000 Okay, again, that's one issue.
01:36:53.000 That's one issue.
01:36:54.000 How about that?
01:36:55.000 I got guns, I hunt, I cook roasts.
01:36:58.000 I'm a cage-fighting commentator.
01:37:00.000 You're also a hippie.
01:37:01.000 You do psychedelics.
01:37:01.000 I'm a little bit of a hippie.
01:37:03.000 But how am I on team left?
01:37:04.000 How am I on team right?
01:37:05.000 You're definitely on team right if you don't think Seth Meyers is funny.
01:37:09.000 I'm pro- God damn it, Joe.
01:37:11.000 This was going so well.
01:37:12.000 I'm fucking pro- Like I said, in this business, they consider me conservative, but I fucking have no problem with gay marriage.
01:37:19.000 Me neither.
01:37:19.000 As long as those faggots stick to their fucking side of the left.
01:37:22.000 That's right.
01:37:23.000 Stay over there.
01:37:24.000 I would like to watch an episode of Chopped.
01:37:26.000 Where it's not a girl with a crew cut and three rings in her nose. 0.93
01:37:29.000 What the hell is chopped?
01:37:29.000 The Food Network show.
01:37:30.000 Jamie knows what I'm talking about.
01:37:32.000 The guy from the Queer Eye for the Straight guy.
01:37:35.000 What's his name?
01:37:36.000 Ted Allen?
01:37:36.000 It's called Chopped.
01:37:37.000 Is it all about salads?
01:37:38.000 No.
01:37:39.000 They get baskets at the beginning.
01:37:41.000 It was actually a good show for about a month until it became like a gay cause show. 0.95
01:37:46.000 Every episode is a transgender guy going, I'm going to take the $10,000, get myself a pussy, and I'm going to get my uncle a pair of tits, and I'm sorry I put too much lemon in the hummus. 1.00
01:37:57.000 Oh! 0.60
01:37:58.000 Oh! 0.60
01:38:02.000 I'm serious!
01:38:03.000 And I know Ted Allen.
01:38:05.000 I met him at a roast.
01:38:06.000 I like him.
01:38:06.000 I'm just saying, when people talk about, you know, everything's gayed up on TV, that show is a perfect example of it.
01:38:12.000 It's gayed up. 1.00
01:38:12.000 Oh my God. 1.00
01:38:13.000 And again, that's not, I'm not saying anything against gay people.
01:38:16.000 I'm just saying, but that show is what would piss people off, you know?
01:38:21.000 I get it.
01:38:22.000 Do you?
01:38:23.000 Sorta, yeah.
01:38:23.000 I know what you're saying.
01:38:25.000 You're just sensitive to people that attack your own ideas.
01:38:28.000 What?
01:38:28.000 You're not attacking my ideas.
01:38:30.000 Someone's like Seth Meyers, attacking your ideas.
01:38:32.000 He's not attacking my ideas.
01:38:33.000 He's making up a bunch of fucking real soft jokes about Trump.
01:38:37.000 He had one very good bit that he did recently where they were talking about the ban, the ban on immigrants, and they were like, no one is saying ban.
01:38:45.000 It's not a ban.
01:38:45.000 We've never used the word ban.
01:38:47.000 And then he cuts to a clip, a montage of Trump and all the other people saying ban, ban, ban, ban.
01:38:51.000 Which you could do to any politician.
01:38:52.000 It's just fucking cheap trickery.
01:38:54.000 Oh, not as much as him.
01:38:56.000 I used to like him, but I think NBC sat him down and said, you gotta go fucking, you gotta be the point man on this.
01:39:03.000 You think so?
01:39:04.000 Oh, I do.
01:39:04.000 I've never had a sat down.
01:39:06.000 I've been accused of having been sat down.
01:39:09.000 I've never had a sat down.
01:39:10.000 Did I say sat down?
01:39:11.000 Yeah, well, no one's ever sat me down.
01:39:13.000 Oh, no.
01:39:14.000 No one's ever sat me down and said, hey, you gotta go this way.
01:39:16.000 That's never happened, literally ever.
01:39:18.000 Well, of course not, because you're on mushrooms and you lift weights.
01:39:20.000 They're not gonna fucking...
01:39:22.000 People accuse you of it.
01:39:23.000 You're eating elk?
01:39:23.000 You're shooting elk on the 101 out of the back here with a bow and arrow?
01:39:26.000 Who the fuck is going to tell you to do anything, Joe?
01:39:28.000 But people accuse you if you have an idea and you run with a cause.
01:39:33.000 They accuse you of being sat down by the elites.
01:39:36.000 NBC, come on, dude.
01:39:37.000 You think so?
01:39:37.000 Of course.
01:39:38.000 You think so?
01:39:38.000 He's an appointment.
01:39:39.000 Maybe it's just how he feels.
01:39:40.000 No, it is probably how he feels.
01:39:42.000 Yeah, so why would they sit him down if he already feels that way?
01:39:44.000 I don't know.
01:39:45.000 It feels that way.
01:39:45.000 NBC does that.
01:39:47.000 They never did when I was on.
01:39:50.000 Why would they do it with you?
01:39:51.000 No one ever sits...
01:39:53.000 I don't think people sit anybody down.
01:39:54.000 I know you don't.
01:39:55.000 I know you don't, Joe.
01:39:56.000 You think they do?
01:39:57.000 Yeah.
01:39:57.000 But have you ever experienced it?
01:39:58.000 Well, not...
01:39:58.000 I know you're taking me literally here.
01:40:00.000 But literally, I was on NBC for 10 years.
01:40:03.000 I don't think anybody...
01:40:03.000 They get the talking points from the New York Times and blah, blah, blah.
01:40:06.000 Oh, okay.
01:40:06.000 And by the way, Seth is funny and he's a likable...
01:40:09.000 Matter of fact, when he first had his late night show, I go...
01:40:12.000 I go, he could be a Tonight Show host.
01:40:14.000 He's very likable, you know, smart shit.
01:40:16.000 But the first 10 minutes, I can't fucking watch.
01:40:18.000 A closer look, and it's 40 Trump jokes.
01:40:21.000 Well, they're easy.
01:40:22.000 It's low-hanging fruit.
01:40:23.000 It's not.
01:40:24.000 You don't think it's easy to make fun of Trump?
01:40:25.000 Yes, it is.
01:40:26.000 Do you have any Trump jokes in your act?
01:40:27.000 Yeah, I do.
01:40:28.000 What do you say about him?
01:40:29.000 Absolutely.
01:40:30.000 You know, I don't want you to do your act.
01:40:31.000 What?
01:40:32.000 I don't want you to do your act, but do you criticize him?
01:40:34.000 I do.
01:40:34.000 I said he made it look too easy.
01:40:36.000 Number one, he was just telling people what they wanted to hear when he was running.
01:40:39.000 You know, they're like, Mr. Fucking Trump.
01:40:40.000 Build a wall.
01:40:40.000 What about your health care plan?
01:40:42.000 What will be the skinniest people alive?
01:40:43.000 Next question.
01:40:44.000 Any follow-ups?
01:40:45.000 No.
01:40:45.000 Next question.
01:40:46.000 You know, and what was the fucking final?
01:40:49.000 Yeah, there's no way you can deport 11 million people.
01:40:51.000 Have you seen the size of my jet?
01:40:53.000 Three trips.
01:40:54.000 You know, I fucking take shots at him.
01:40:56.000 That's not really a shot at all.
01:40:57.000 Yeah.
01:40:57.000 Oh, what are you a fucking nut?
01:40:59.000 You're on the left team.
01:41:00.000 You're on the team left.
01:41:01.000 No, I don't have a bunch of shit on him.
01:41:03.000 I didn't say I did.
01:41:05.000 I like what he's doing.
01:41:06.000 Do you?
01:41:06.000 Yeah.
01:41:07.000 You like the wall?
01:41:09.000 Do you like him building a wall?
01:41:11.000 I think the idea that people who, if you say, I want to protect our borders, makes you a racist, that's some real left-wing stupidity right there.
01:41:21.000 Hmm.
01:41:21.000 Yeah.
01:41:23.000 Left-wing stupidity.
01:41:24.000 Yeah.
01:41:25.000 You know, California, Jerry Brown, Nancy Pelosi, Berkeley.
01:41:30.000 That kind of left-wing stupidity.
01:41:32.000 Do you think there's ever going to come a time where there won't be any walls, there won't be any borders, and everyone literally will be able to go anywhere they want?
01:41:40.000 I don't know if the world will work like that.
01:41:42.000 Ever?
01:41:43.000 How come?
01:41:44.000 How come?
01:41:44.000 Do you know anything about humanity?
01:41:45.000 Because people are psychotic.
01:41:47.000 But how come we can do that here?
01:41:48.000 How come people can go wherever they want?
01:41:49.000 Why is this country held to a different standard when it comes to that shit?
01:41:52.000 Why don't you try sneaking into Mexico and see what's happening here?
01:41:55.000 We're the country who invite people from all over the world to live here.
01:41:58.000 Well, they'll let us go into Mexico like that.
01:41:59.000 You know that.
01:42:00.000 You could just drive to Mexico.
01:42:01.000 You know that, right?
01:42:02.000 Have you ever done it?
01:42:03.000 If you sneak in illegally, I'm saying.
01:42:04.000 No, no, no.
01:42:04.000 You could just drive into Mexico.
01:42:06.000 That's not my point.
01:42:06.000 If you try to sneak in.
01:42:08.000 Right, but my point is when you try to go down to Mexico, they don't even stop you.
01:42:11.000 So you don't believe in borders.
01:42:14.000 You think that could actually work.
01:42:15.000 I think that there's no borders.
01:42:16.000 You even have to watch what's going on in Europe right now.
01:42:19.000 Well, that's a problem, for sure.
01:42:20.000 But I think part of the reason that's a problem is that culturally the places these people are coming from are archaic.
01:42:24.000 And that's something that the left doesn't want to admit.
01:42:26.000 And I'm with them 100%.
01:42:27.000 And it's a real problem because what's interesting is...
01:42:29.000 Wait a minute, but here's the problem.
01:42:31.000 What?
01:42:31.000 That's right.
01:42:32.000 It is right.
01:42:33.000 Because all cultures aren't equal. 1.00
01:42:34.000 They never were.
01:42:35.000 And that's the left's main tenet.
01:42:38.000 Multiculturalism.
01:42:38.000 Well, not only are they not equal, but what's interesting to me is that those cultures that are the problem, not only are they not equal, they're incredibly misogynist.
01:42:44.000 That's right.
01:42:45.000 And we're all the fucking feminists yelling at them. 1.00
01:42:47.000 And if you say anything about those, you're Islamophobic and you're a right-wing hate monger, but you're talking about cultures that are incredibly restrictive of women.
01:42:55.000 They're out of the Bible.
01:42:56.000 Yeah.
01:42:57.000 It looks like 11 AD. I fucking always say that.
01:42:59.000 But that's my point.
01:43:00.000 And even Bill Maher pointed it out.
01:43:02.000 Yeah.
01:43:02.000 He was yelling at the left, the feminists, where are you?
01:43:05.000 You're yelling at Trump because he loves to grab pussy.
01:43:07.000 Meanwhile, they're lopping off heads because a girl shows her ankle.
01:43:09.000 It's true.
01:43:10.000 It's like, that's what I'm talking about.
01:43:12.000 I'm not a huge, you're trying to make me out to be like a huge Trump fan.
01:43:14.000 I'm not.
01:43:15.000 I'm not, but I'm saying at one point in time, all cultures were like that.
01:43:19.000 But at one point in time, that was the norm.
01:43:21.000 Like 2,000, 3,000 years ago, that was the norm worldwide, right?
01:43:24.000 I mean, there was restrictive policies against women and things along those lines. 0.99
01:43:28.000 That was the norm worldwide.
01:43:29.000 I guess so.
01:43:30.000 So how is it not that way right now in California?
01:43:33.000 Because people progressed and evolved.
01:43:34.000 So don't you think that people can progress and evolve worldwide to the point where we don't have to have borders everywhere?
01:43:39.000 Well, yeah, but not right now.
01:43:39.000 That wasn't the question.
01:43:40.000 It's going to take a long time.
01:43:42.000 Well, my question is, will there be a time where people can just go everywhere?
01:43:46.000 And you said you don't think the world works that way.
01:43:48.000 I really don't.
01:43:49.000 People are flawed as a species.
01:43:51.000 We're definitely flawed species here in California, but you could drive to Sonoma right now and no one's going to stop you.
01:43:56.000 You don't have to show your papers.
01:43:57.000 I feel like there's got to become a time in history where human beings are allowed to travel freely wherever they want to go, live wherever they want to go, and the only thing that's stopping that is that some places are far less...
01:44:09.000 Far less prosperous than we are here.
01:44:12.000 But it's deeper, not just prosperous.
01:44:15.000 It's like you said cultures.
01:44:16.000 Ideologies, right.
01:44:17.000 You're seeing what's going on in Europe, and it's not fucking working.
01:44:20.000 It's not good at all.
01:44:20.000 And that's as close to open borders as you're going to get.
01:44:22.000 Well, they're doing that in Sweden and a lot of these other countries.
01:44:26.000 They got a little silly, and they thought the rest of the world was like them.
01:44:29.000 And they just let all these immigrants in instantaneously with this... 1.00
01:44:33.000 But my point is not that we should let everybody in and just do whatever you want.
01:44:36.000 My point is that at some point in time, that's got to be the way the world works, where you could literally go anywhere you want.
01:44:42.000 I think the Tower of Babel, the idea that at one point in time, people spoke one language, and then that God decided they were getting too crazy, and then he split them up all over the world, and gave them a bunch of different languages so they could never communicate with each other.
01:44:55.000 It seems to me that if human beings continue along the path that we're on now, How long it takes, whether it's 5,000 years or whatever, we're going to come to a point in time where we have a universal language.
01:45:05.000 And it might be within, you know, our grandchildren's lifetime, where people are allowed to communicate with people all over the world.
01:45:11.000 And if technology can evolve our cultures to the point where these people that live in these unbelievably restrictive environments and communities can get to the point where they're like the United States.
01:45:25.000 We have disagreements, but you're free to go wherever you want.
01:45:28.000 I mean, there's got to be the future.
01:45:30.000 That's what I think.
01:45:31.000 Yeah.
01:45:31.000 Yeah, but that doesn't make him a racist for wanting to protect our borders.
01:45:35.000 And that's a Nazi. 0.58
01:45:37.000 He's a fascist and a Nazi. 0.55
01:45:39.000 Mexico's not doing anything bad.
01:45:40.000 That's a childish view of life.
01:45:43.000 The far left, their ideas work great on paper.
01:45:46.000 Everybody agrees with them.
01:45:47.000 Yes, they should be open, but just like you said, everybody should be able to live together and blah, blah.
01:45:51.000 And that all makes sense.
01:45:52.000 Till the rubber hits the road.
01:45:54.000 It sounds good technically, and it will eventually.
01:45:57.000 Hopefully they'll get there.
01:45:58.000 But I'm just saying, you can't label people fascists and racists that want to fucking protect the border.
01:46:04.000 I agree with you to a certain extent.
01:46:06.000 And this has come from somebody who loves Latinos, because they're like Italians to me.
01:46:08.000 They look like, not just Latinos, now we have Central America and the whole world coming. 0.85
01:46:13.000 And Canadians. 0.72
01:46:14.000 And Canadians. 0.72
01:46:14.000 I'm half Canadian, French Canadian. 0.72
01:46:16.000 Are you?
01:46:16.000 That's right.
01:46:17.000 You know what's really fucked up?
01:46:18.000 Is that it's really easy to come over here from Syria It's really hard to come over from Canada.
01:46:23.000 They made it more difficult for other places that almost offer zero problems to emigrate to America.
01:46:31.000 If you're a Canadian and you try to get a job in America, good luck.
01:46:34.000 I know a lot of people that are Canadians that marry somebody.
01:46:38.000 You've got to find some chick and hook it up. 1.00
01:46:42.000 You know?
01:46:42.000 Good Canadian boy, come on over here.
01:46:44.000 Or a good Canadian girl. 0.96
01:46:45.000 Yeah, but it's not that hard to come here from Syria.
01:46:49.000 I mean, Obama was busting people to cities and dropping them off without even telling the mayors and shit.
01:46:54.000 That's all, you know.
01:46:55.000 Really?
01:46:55.000 Oh, yeah.
01:46:56.000 He was doing it himself?
01:46:57.000 Did he drive the bus?
01:46:58.000 It was his...
01:46:59.000 It was his...
01:46:59.000 Was his idea?
01:47:00.000 Executive orders, yes.
01:47:01.000 Really?
01:47:01.000 Yes.
01:47:01.000 How did that order go?
01:47:02.000 Do you know what the order was?
01:47:03.000 Oh, no.
01:47:04.000 Now you're getting all...
01:47:05.000 I'm just asking.
01:47:05.000 I don't know.
01:47:06.000 Well, I've never heard this before.
01:47:08.000 All that shit, DACA and all that stuff is, you know, questionably unconstitutional.
01:47:13.000 You didn't hear about it exactly because the media wouldn't cover it.
01:47:17.000 If you go online and you're talking to mayors in Pennsylvania, schools are being...
01:47:21.000 You know where one place was overwhelmed?
01:47:23.000 Lynn, Massachusetts.
01:47:24.000 The schools are being overwhelmed by kids who, you know, have been here for five minutes.
01:47:30.000 Really?
01:47:30.000 Yeah.
01:47:31.000 A lot of unconstitutional shit went on.
01:47:33.000 You know?
01:47:34.000 I never heard about that.
01:47:36.000 Yeah, I'm not making it up.
01:47:37.000 There's so many things going on in the world, it's impossible to be abreast of all of it.
01:47:40.000 Absolutely.
01:47:41.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:47:43.000 Yeah, I just...
01:47:44.000 It's not that hard, I'm saying, you know.
01:47:48.000 We just got so lucky.
01:47:49.000 That's the problem with being in America.
01:47:51.000 We got so fucking lucky.
01:47:52.000 Yeah, geographically.
01:47:53.000 Oh, the luckiest.
01:47:55.000 Yeah, but you know what?
01:47:55.000 That's all changed.
01:47:57.000 How so?
01:47:58.000 What do you mean?
01:47:58.000 How so?
01:47:59.000 A plane.
01:48:00.000 They can fly over now.
01:48:01.000 They don't have to fucking, you know... 1.00
01:48:03.000 But we're still lucky.
01:48:04.000 That's all changed.
01:48:05.000 9-11.
01:48:06.000 They're trying to get lucky.
01:48:07.000 That was a long time ago.
01:48:10.000 Nothing's happened since.
01:48:11.000 I'm just saying.
01:48:11.000 You were right.
01:48:12.000 For years.
01:48:14.000 Because of where we were geographically with two oceans.
01:48:16.000 Well, not just that, just the spot itself.
01:48:18.000 Things like flight and, you know.
01:48:20.000 But it's also the spot itself, like just having the opportunity you have here in America.
01:48:23.000 It's so unusual.
01:48:25.000 It's so unusual.
01:48:26.000 No caste system like we were talking about India.
01:48:28.000 Yeah, all you hear is how racist it is and homophobic, yet people, black and brown people are trying to sneak in. 1.00
01:48:35.000 Is that all you hear, though?
01:48:37.000 Is that all you hear?
01:48:37.000 Is it America's Racist?
01:48:38.000 If you watch TV, mainstream media, yeah, that's all you hear.
01:48:42.000 I don't...
01:48:42.000 Yes.
01:48:43.000 I don't hear them.
01:48:43.000 I know you don't, because you're out.
01:48:44.000 You have a life.
01:48:45.000 I watch Netflix.
01:48:46.000 Yeah, you...
01:48:46.000 Exactly.
01:48:48.000 I don't watch programming, man.
01:48:50.000 They're trying to program you, man.
01:48:51.000 You don't think the mainstream media is fucking...
01:48:53.000 has a left slant to it at all?
01:48:55.000 I definitely do.
01:48:55.000 Even they admit that.
01:48:57.000 I definitely do.
01:48:58.000 I definitely think for the most part they do.
01:48:59.000 And that's where people get their information.
01:49:01.000 Yeah.
01:49:02.000 Well, if you're on the right, you have to feel pretty alienated by the media.
01:49:05.000 Because the mainstream media, which is primarily in New York and California, those are these big central locations for liberal thinking.
01:49:14.000 Yeah.
01:49:15.000 Isn't it weird, though, that when you get big giant groups of people together, they become liberal?
01:49:20.000 That is weird.
01:49:21.000 How so?
01:49:22.000 Predominantly.
01:49:22.000 New York's predominantly liberal.
01:49:24.000 California's predominantly liberal.
01:49:25.000 Those are the population centers of the country.
01:49:27.000 They're also the education centers of the country.
01:49:28.000 It's really fascinating to me.
01:49:30.000 And even in Chicago, Chicago's kind of predominantly liberal as well.
01:49:34.000 Yeah, yet they lost the election.
01:49:35.000 But isn't that strange, though?
01:49:37.000 I mean, I understand.
01:49:37.000 It's people in a bubble who don't hang around with other people.
01:49:40.000 It's bad.
01:49:41.000 But why is it, though, that when you get giant clumps of people that have to live together in huge groups, they become primarily liberal?
01:49:48.000 Well, there's big cities in the Midwest that aren't, you know...
01:49:50.000 That what?
01:49:51.000 That aren't liberal?
01:49:52.000 Name one.
01:49:53.000 Yeah.
01:49:54.000 Like what?
01:49:56.000 I don't know.
01:49:56.000 Boise?
01:49:57.000 Just pick a city.
01:49:58.000 That's not the Midwest.
01:49:59.000 It's the West.
01:49:59.000 I know.
01:50:00.000 I was trying to think of the Midwest myself.
01:50:01.000 Where's the Midwest?
01:50:02.000 Minneapolis?
01:50:02.000 Well, Minneapolis is liberal, but it's also...
01:50:04.000 Prince is there, man.
01:50:05.000 No, I know.
01:50:06.000 He wore a dress.
01:50:06.000 But I sell out of Minneapolis.
01:50:08.000 They love me, too.
01:50:08.000 I bet they do.
01:50:09.000 There's plenty of people.
01:50:10.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:50:11.000 You're a funny guy.
01:50:11.000 You know.
01:50:13.000 You'd sell out of New York.
01:50:14.000 What the fuck are you talking about?
01:50:15.000 I don't sell out of New York.
01:50:15.000 What the fuck are you talking about?
01:50:15.000 I don't sell out of New York.
01:50:15.000 No, I don't.
01:50:16.000 You don't?
01:50:16.000 You will now.
01:50:17.000 No.
01:50:17.000 What are you kidding me?
01:50:18.000 Just put on the robe.
01:50:19.000 I go...
01:50:21.000 It's the belly of the beast every night I'm in front of fucking NYU students.
01:50:25.000 What are you shitting me?
01:50:25.000 Oh, the NYU students are hilarious.
01:50:27.000 All students are hilarious.
01:50:28.000 How about college campuses?
01:50:29.000 That seems pretty fair.
01:50:30.000 What goes on there?
01:50:31.000 I have a friend of mine who goes to NYU, and she sent me this thing that was Abolishing Whiteness.
01:50:37.000 Oh, I cover that on my podcast.
01:50:39.000 Abolishing Whiteness. 0.97
01:50:40.000 Yeah.
01:50:41.000 That's a class in almost every college now.
01:50:43.000 That's what I'm talking about.
01:50:45.000 How's that fair?
01:50:46.000 Yeah.
01:50:47.000 I don't know.
01:50:48.000 I don't know.
01:50:48.000 How is it fair?
01:50:49.000 It's not...
01:50:51.000 It just seems to me that there's just too much us versus them. 0.99
01:50:55.000 And that's the real part of the problem.
01:50:56.000 Well, that's the media.
01:50:57.000 Is that the media?
01:50:58.000 They perpetuate.
01:50:58.000 Of course.
01:50:58.000 Sounds like you.
01:50:59.000 You're part of the media.
01:51:00.000 What?
01:51:01.000 I'm a part of the media.
01:51:01.000 You're a little us versus them.
01:51:02.000 I got a part.
01:51:03.000 So are you.
01:51:04.000 So are you.
01:51:05.000 You're in a sly way.
01:51:06.000 You're doing it very softly.
01:51:07.000 Am I? How so?
01:51:08.000 Well, you're a lefty.
01:51:09.000 But you think I am.
01:51:10.000 Well, just because you eat elk doesn't make you a fucking righty.
01:51:13.000 Well, what makes me a righty?
01:51:14.000 What would I have to do?
01:51:14.000 I don't know.
01:51:15.000 You tell me.
01:51:15.000 Want a bigger wall?
01:51:16.000 What would make you a righty? 0.97
01:51:17.000 What would make me a lefty?
01:51:20.000 Fucking being for punching somebody I disagree with?
01:51:22.000 Just pot.
01:51:23.000 Just pot would do it by itself. 0.55
01:51:25.000 You'd calm down.
01:51:25.000 That's why I don't smoke.
01:51:26.000 What if I didn't have this generator?
01:51:28.000 And I had to rely on my neighbors, man.
01:51:30.000 I just drank a quart of your coffee.
01:51:32.000 You're fired up.
01:51:33.000 Whatever.
01:51:34.000 But what makes someone a righty? 0.98
01:51:35.000 What are the primary things?
01:51:37.000 I don't know.
01:51:37.000 You're the one who labels people righty.
01:51:39.000 You tell me.
01:51:40.000 Oh, it's just me?
01:51:40.000 Not you.
01:51:41.000 Your side.
01:51:42.000 My side?
01:51:43.000 What side am I on?
01:51:44.000 You know, Newton.
01:51:44.000 Newton, people.
01:51:46.000 Where you grew up.
01:51:47.000 I grew up in Upper Falls.
01:51:48.000 Upper Falls is blue collar.
01:51:50.000 What's Upper Falls?
01:51:52.000 It's the poor area.
01:51:53.000 I know, the poor area.
01:51:54.000 They make only $140,000 a week.
01:51:56.000 That's a poor part of Newton.
01:51:59.000 Imagine there's a place where people average $140,000 a week.
01:52:02.000 What are you talking about, imagine?
01:52:03.000 It's called Apple.
01:52:05.000 Anybody who works in Manningham.
01:52:07.000 Is that nice up there?
01:52:08.000 It's beautiful.
01:52:09.000 The kid got attacked by a mountain lion last year, though.
01:52:12.000 That's part of the problem with liberals.
01:52:13.000 They don't want to kill mountain lions. 0.57
01:52:15.000 So that's why I'm not on their side.
01:52:17.000 With that issue.
01:52:18.000 Exactly.
01:52:18.000 With a bunch of issues.
01:52:19.000 That's how you protect the border, with fucking mountain lions.
01:52:23.000 Mexicans know how to handle mountain lions.
01:52:24.000 I know.
01:52:24.000 They're not scared of them.
01:52:25.000 Yeah, they're not scared of them at all.
01:52:27.000 They eat them.
01:52:28.000 Good backstrap.
01:52:30.000 Cook them up.
01:52:31.000 They have mountain lion loins.
01:52:33.000 Tastes like pork.
01:52:33.000 It's really good.
01:52:34.000 Have you had lion?
01:52:34.000 No, but I know a friend of mine just shot one.
01:52:36.000 He said it's delicious.
01:52:37.000 Seriously?
01:52:38.000 Yeah.
01:52:38.000 People eat mountain lions.
01:52:39.000 What isn't delicious, really?
01:52:40.000 Uh, wolf.
01:52:42.000 Have you had wolf?
01:52:43.000 No, I haven't.
01:52:44.000 But Steve Rinello, who was on the podcast, this very famous hunter and author and historian, he was telling me that there was this famous mountain man and wolf was his favorite meal.
01:52:55.000 He liked to eat wolf.
01:52:57.000 Yeah.
01:52:57.000 Seriously?
01:52:58.000 Guy used to shoot wolves and eat them.
01:52:59.000 That's Ted Nugent.
01:52:59.000 But I wonder if it's the satisfaction of eating a wolf because you know it could eat you.
01:53:05.000 That's probably why I liked it.
01:53:06.000 I figured you would be drinking wolf's blood and shit.
01:53:10.000 I've eaten bear.
01:53:11.000 I've eaten a lot of bear.
01:53:12.000 Right.
01:53:12.000 And you do it for reasons like the Japanese eat shark fins.
01:53:15.000 You want the testosterone and the vitality.
01:53:18.000 Yeah, eating rhino dicks and shit.
01:53:24.000 No, they shoot bear because they have to, because there's so many bear, and they bear eat all the moose and elk.
01:53:29.000 I agree with that.
01:53:29.000 And if some guy...
01:53:30.000 And I'm not...
01:53:31.000 Now, it's funny.
01:53:32.000 Now, here's where I'm not like a fucking righty.
01:53:34.000 Like, when I was younger, I'd kill pheasants and shit, and my grandmother would cook them, and I'd shoot rabbits and shit like that.
01:53:39.000 As I get older, though, as you get older, you appreciate...
01:53:43.000 You know what I mean?
01:53:43.000 When I see people shooting, taking down a giant elephant on some safari, is that really hard to kill an elephant?
01:53:50.000 I could walk up to it and stab it to death.
01:53:52.000 You definitely couldn't.
01:53:53.000 They'll fucking kill you and throw you.
01:53:55.000 I know, but how hard is it to hit an elephant with a gun, Joe?
01:53:58.000 Not very hard.
01:53:59.000 Not very hard.
01:54:00.000 Or even a moose.
01:54:01.000 Well, moose is delicious.
01:54:04.000 I don't think I could do it.
01:54:06.000 You couldn't shoot a moose?
01:54:08.000 There's so many deer where I live, I could suffocate them.
01:54:11.000 Who's a moose?
01:54:12.000 I could suffocate a deer with a dry cleaning bag in my backyard.
01:54:15.000 Well, you have a lot of deer in your area, right?
01:54:18.000 That area is overrun.
01:54:20.000 You've got to be careful of ticks, right?
01:54:22.000 Don't you?
01:54:22.000 Lyme disease?
01:54:23.000 I got it.
01:54:24.000 Did you get Lyme disease?
01:54:26.000 Almost.
01:54:26.000 I had the tick, I had the big bullseye on my back, and my wife got it.
01:54:30.000 Fucking luckily we caught it early, but I... Goombay Johnny, remember Goombay Johnny?
01:54:34.000 Yeah.
01:54:34.000 His wife got Lyme disease.
01:54:35.000 It's fucking dangerous, man.
01:54:36.000 I know ten people that have it.
01:54:38.000 I have to check my balls before I go to bed every night.
01:54:41.000 For ticks?
01:54:41.000 Yeah, in the summertime.
01:54:42.000 Hmm.
01:54:43.000 Well, they give you an antiseptic.
01:54:45.000 That's what's weird.
01:54:45.000 Ticks, they have like antiseptic saliva, so that when they're biting you, you don't even feel it.
01:54:50.000 Right.
01:54:50.000 You never fucking feel it.
01:54:52.000 Creepy little fuckers.
01:54:53.000 Creepy little fuckers, man.
01:54:54.000 And there's diseases.
01:54:55.000 They say that somewhere in New York, there was some place like near Long Island where they tested the ticks, and they found that 60% of the ticks had Lyme disease.
01:55:06.000 Six zero.
01:55:07.000 Yeah.
01:55:07.000 That's fucking insane.
01:55:09.000 It's horrible.
01:55:09.000 That is insane.
01:55:09.000 Yeah.
01:55:10.000 My wife's knee blew up. 0.99
01:55:11.000 She got this big fucking... 1.00
01:55:12.000 So did she take the antibiotics and did they clear it up? 0.86
01:55:15.000 All that shit.
01:55:16.000 Yeah, because we caught it quick.
01:55:18.000 Yeah, that's the problem.
01:55:18.000 But some people you don't even know.
01:55:20.000 We had a guy on our podcast, Steve Kotler, and he had Lyme disease for a fucking year before they diagnosed it.
01:55:28.000 And it fucked him up so bad that he was in the hospital for three years.
01:55:31.000 Three years from Lyme disease.
01:55:33.000 Remember that, Jamie?
01:55:33.000 Well, yeah.
01:55:34.000 Scary.
01:55:35.000 My buddy's wife had to walk around with like an IV thing. 1.00
01:55:37.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:55:40.000 It's like a silent epidemic in this country, those goddamn ticks.
01:55:42.000 And they come off the fucking deer.
01:55:44.000 They come off the deer.
01:55:45.000 Who look so cute and shit.
01:55:46.000 Yeah.
01:55:47.000 But it's terrifying.
01:55:48.000 Yeah, when I shot that deer in Colorado, we found a bunch of ticks on it.
01:55:52.000 We had to be super careful cleaning it up.
01:55:54.000 Oh, is that right?
01:55:55.000 Yeah.
01:55:56.000 Yeah, we found ticks like near its balls and shit.
01:55:58.000 You have to be careful.
01:55:59.000 Ticks love balls. 1.00
01:56:01.000 Well, the ticks are gross, man.
01:56:02.000 They're just fucking creepy little animals that have this bizarre disease that we...
01:56:06.000 It's fairly recent.
01:56:07.000 I know.
01:56:08.000 It's a recent disease.
01:56:09.000 I mean, it's not that fucking...
01:56:11.000 Well, it's probably been around, right?
01:56:12.000 But they didn't know what it was back in the day?
01:56:14.000 I don't think they think that.
01:56:15.000 No?
01:56:15.000 I think they think that it's something that is...
01:56:17.000 Something created by the right?
01:56:19.000 There's a bunch of conspiracy theories about Lyme disease.
01:56:22.000 Yeah, it's definitely completed by the right because it affects mostly white people. 0.73
01:56:26.000 That's why...
01:56:27.000 There's too many of us.
01:56:28.000 We need to balance this out from the Bilderberg Group.
01:56:31.000 Oh, read that book.
01:56:32.000 I'm scared.
01:56:33.000 Seriously, I'm never voting again.
01:56:35.000 So what?
01:56:35.000 You just think that it's all a scam?
01:56:38.000 Dude, read it.
01:56:38.000 It's not a scam.
01:56:39.000 It's planned.
01:56:40.000 The fucking, the Rockefellers, they're the ones at the heart of all this shit, according to the book. 0.99
01:56:45.000 So Trump is involved in it and he doesn't know it?
01:56:47.000 Is that what's going on?
01:56:48.000 That's how far they think ahead.
01:56:49.000 You know Bill Hicks' bit, right?
01:56:51.000 About Kennedy's assassination?
01:56:52.000 I agree with the puppet on the left.
01:56:53.000 No, I agree with the puppet on the right.
01:56:55.000 Hey, there's one guy controlling both puppets.
01:56:57.000 This book makes that crystal fucking clear.
01:57:01.000 Well, look at you.
01:57:02.000 Your eyes are bulging.
01:57:03.000 Your hands are fucking very tense.
01:57:05.000 It's like I did an eight ball with this fucking rocket fuel you put in me.
01:57:09.000 Don't drink one of these, whatever you do.
01:57:10.000 No, I can't touch that.
01:57:12.000 270 milligrams caffeine, that bad boy.
01:57:14.000 No, they'll make me cry in the plane.
01:57:15.000 I gotta beat it soon.
01:57:17.000 Okay.
01:57:18.000 Because I gotta return my car.
01:57:19.000 Jerry Sandusky's son Jeffrey charged with child sexual abuse.
01:57:23.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:57:24.000 It runs in the family.
01:57:25.000 Of course it does.
01:57:26.000 He probably did it to his own kid.
01:57:27.000 More than five years.
01:57:28.000 Oh my God.
01:57:30.000 Jesus fucking Christ, that's terrifying.
01:57:32.000 Did that just come out, Jim?
01:57:33.000 11 minutes ago.
01:57:35.000 God, that's so terrifying.
01:57:36.000 I was supposed to go bowling with him next week.
01:57:38.000 Criminal solicitation and corruption of minors.
01:57:41.000 14 counts.
01:57:42.000 Oh, God, he's 41. Jesus Christ.
01:57:45.000 That's so gross.
01:57:47.000 How many counts?
01:57:48.000 14?
01:57:48.000 Yeah, that's probably all they caught him with.
01:57:50.000 His old man's like, hey, you couldn't keep up with me!
01:57:52.000 You pussy. 1.00
01:57:53.000 He's slacking.
01:57:54.000 Like every other kid.
01:57:56.000 You gotta be easy.
01:57:56.000 You gotta light.
01:57:57.000 Good.
01:57:58.000 So he's going away.
01:57:59.000 I should.
01:57:59.000 But that's the crazy thing about child sex molestation, that it seems to affect the kids.
01:58:04.000 And the kids wind up doing it.
01:58:06.000 It's really common.
01:58:07.000 For what you just said, we don't know for a fact, but you're probably right.
01:58:11.000 Yeah.
01:58:11.000 I'm sure he got diddled.
01:58:12.000 I'm sure.
01:58:13.000 His dad was such a fucking piece of shit.
01:58:15.000 I'm sure he probably fucked him, too.
01:58:17.000 He probably fucked everybody.
01:58:19.000 But he knew a 3-4 defense, I'll tell you.
01:58:21.000 Did he?
01:58:21.000 Was he good at it?
01:58:21.000 No, I don't know.
01:58:23.000 He was there for years, though.
01:58:24.000 When I watched Penn State, you'd see him on the sideline.
01:58:27.000 It's too bad Joe Paterno died.
01:58:28.000 I would like to have known what he knew.
01:58:29.000 About two minutes after he retired.
01:58:31.000 Yeah, he was like...
01:58:32.000 He was actually lucky.
01:58:33.000 Well, you know what the stress must have been like for him?
01:58:35.000 Absolutely.
01:58:36.000 Absolutely.
01:58:36.000 You know, when they...
01:58:37.000 For a guy that age.
01:58:38.000 Took down his statue and all that shit and realized that, like, his whole legacy was tainted by being connected to this fucking criminal.
01:58:45.000 And then they replaced the statue with Pee Wee Herman.
01:58:47.000 That was kind of a dig at him, didn't you think?
01:58:49.000 Is that a joke?
01:58:49.000 Yeah.
01:58:50.000 I thought you were serious.
01:58:51.000 Jamie got it.
01:58:52.000 Look, he's fucking laughing his ass up.
01:58:53.000 What are you, teleproducer not to laugh out loud?
01:58:55.000 He probably laughs at everything.
01:58:57.000 He's constantly laughing.
01:58:58.000 I just didn't know what you were saying.
01:59:00.000 I was confused.
01:59:01.000 Yes, Pee Wee Herman's a statue in Penn State.
01:59:04.000 He's got to be a statue somewhere.
01:59:06.000 Google statue of Pee Wee Herman.
01:59:07.000 I bet it's up somewhere.
01:59:09.000 Yeah.
01:59:10.000 It's right in front of the Cub Scouts building.
01:59:11.000 Remember when he got arrested for beating off in a theater?
01:59:13.000 Yeah, who hasn't done that?
01:59:14.000 That's the old school way.
01:59:15.000 Exactly.
01:59:16.000 Go to theaters and beat off.
01:59:17.000 I like Jaws so much, I jerked off during Jaws.
01:59:20.000 Well, any cop that arrests someone for doing that, they should go to jail for misappropriation of public funds.
01:59:25.000 You're arresting people for jerking off at a porno theater?
01:59:28.000 What do you want him to do?
01:59:29.000 Oh, I thought he was at the lowest centerplex.
01:59:31.000 I really did.
01:59:33.000 Did you really?
01:59:33.000 I didn't know it was a porn thing.
01:59:34.000 No, he went to a goddamn gay porno theater.
01:59:36.000 That's what that's for, for Christ's sake.
01:59:37.000 Exactly.
01:59:38.000 But apparently people were getting upset that other regular folks couldn't just go and watch guys fuck each other in the mouth and not pull their dicks out. 0.94
01:59:46.000 What kind of business are you running here?
01:59:49.000 There's men masturbating!
01:59:51.000 I know.
01:59:51.000 Somebody had to fire off an email to the porn theater manager.
01:59:54.000 Well, you know what it is?
01:59:55.000 It's low-hanging fruit.
01:59:56.000 It's like they just decided to arrest someone.
01:59:59.000 They needed to get a collar, and that's how they did it.
02:00:02.000 Yeah.
02:00:03.000 Nick DePaul, do you have to leave?
02:00:05.000 I do.
02:00:05.000 CISO is when?
02:00:06.000 Tell us when CISO is.
02:00:07.000 My special is premiering this Thursday night.
02:00:10.000 It's called Inflammatory.
02:00:12.000 It's on CISO TV. What a perfect name for you.
02:00:16.000 No Advil required, ladies and gentlemen.
02:00:17.000 But here's the bigger thing, Joe.
02:00:19.000 My podcast, which is on iTunes and Riotcast, on Mondays for free.
02:00:24.000 But if you want to subscribe, you go to connectpal.com slash Nick.
02:00:28.000 What does subscribing do?
02:00:30.000 And they get two to three more shows a week.
02:00:33.000 Why don't you just give it to them for free, and then you'll have more people coming.
02:00:35.000 No.
02:00:36.000 This is working beautifully.
02:00:37.000 Because I don't have the money you have.
02:00:38.000 I have to do what I've got to do.
02:00:39.000 I understand what you're saying.
02:00:40.000 I have a Coke thing with Henry Hill in Pittsburgh.
02:00:42.000 It's going pretty well.
02:00:46.000 ConnectPal.com slash Nick, and you can sign up.
02:00:49.000 People are loving it.
02:00:50.000 NickDip.com for all this information.
02:00:52.000 You can get it at NickDip.com.
02:00:54.000 And CISO Thursday night comes out on CISO. CISO TV Thursday night is the prayer of my one-hour special on CISO. By the way, I 100% support CISO. CISO is the shit.
02:01:02.000 They're doing amazing stuff.
02:01:04.000 They have Stan Hope has his special there.
02:01:06.000 Joey Diaz has his special there.
02:01:08.000 It's fucking phenomenal.
02:01:09.000 Brian Poussaint.
02:01:10.000 Janine did one.
02:01:11.000 Janine has a special out? 0.96
02:01:13.000 She had one a few months ago on C-Show.
02:01:14.000 That's literally her only piece of work ever in stand-up.
02:01:17.000 Is that right?
02:01:17.000 Yeah, she doesn't have a body of work.
02:01:19.000 That was always the criticism of her.
02:01:20.000 Oh, well, I think she has one.
02:01:23.000 Dude, I really don't want to wait a year.
02:01:25.000 I just hate traveling so much.
02:01:26.000 Anytime, man.
02:01:27.000 Anytime.
02:01:27.000 Anytime.
02:01:28.000 We could do it.
02:01:28.000 We could try it through Skype if you want to do it that way.
02:01:30.000 Yeah, I did that with Steven Crowder.
02:01:33.000 It's okay.
02:01:34.000 It ain't that bad.
02:01:34.000 Nah, I gotta be here.
02:01:35.000 You gotta be here.
02:01:36.000 Yeah, I don't get to see you much.
02:01:37.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Thursday night, Nick DePaul's one of the best comics in the world, without a doubt.
02:01:41.000 Thank you, brother.
02:01:42.000 I really appreciate it.
02:01:43.000 Come on.
02:01:43.000 You gotta do it again.
02:01:43.000 Thank you so much.
02:01:44.000 Joey.
02:01:45.000 All right, see you tomorrow, fuckers.