The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #924 - Rory Albanese

00:00:06.000 Now we're live?

00:00:07.000 I, for one, want to express outrage at that Kellyanne Conway woman.

00:00:12.000 Not just putting her feet up on that couch, but being the only woman in the room having her feet up on the couch. 0.61

00:00:18.000 Do you think it was a sexual posturing thing?

00:00:19.000 I don't know.

00:00:20.000 You know, there's a lot of men in the room.

00:00:22.000 A lot of men in the room.

00:00:23.000 Look, I'm in a weird position.

00:00:26.000 It could just be instinct.

00:00:27.000 Yeah, look at her. 0.91

00:00:27.000 Look at her. 0.91

00:00:28.000 A lot of those dudes. 0.99

00:00:29.000 A lot of black dudes.

00:00:30.000 Is that the Black Caucus?

00:00:33.000 Wow.

00:00:33.000 Black College?

00:00:34.000 Is this a...

00:00:34.000 Leaders of the Black...

00:00:36.000 Yeah, historically black colleges and universities.

00:00:39.000 Oh, and look at her. 1.00

00:00:40.000 Do you think that that's what's going on there?

00:00:42.000 I feel that's very sexual.

00:00:45.000 Yeah, I mean, it looks sexual. 1.00

00:00:46.000 Dude, she's got the vagina curtain thing going on. 1.00

00:00:48.000 She's got her legs spread. 1.00

00:00:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:00:51.000 She's looking at her phone, maybe pictures of dicks. 1.00

00:00:53.000 Hmm, I have another dick. 1.00

00:00:55.000 Hmm. 1.00

00:00:55.000 She's actually on Tinder, which is weird, yeah. 1.00

00:00:59.000 Yeah, she's swiping everyone right. 1.00

00:01:01.000 Yes!

00:01:02.000 Come get some!

00:01:03.000 There's so many great memes about this.

00:01:05.000 Like, I saw one of them that was in quotes, what is a train?

00:01:10.000 Question mark.

00:01:14.000 Fantastic.

00:01:15.000 That's fantastic. 0.99

00:01:16.000 We live in a fucking dream, man. 1.00

00:01:18.000 We really do. 1.00

00:01:19.000 This is so...

00:01:20.000 To see Donald Trump smiling...

00:01:22.000 Like, if you, like, knocked me over the head ten years ago and put me in a coma and then woke me up today and then I was like, well, what's going on?

00:01:31.000 Who's the president?

00:01:32.000 And you're like, well, check this out. 0.99

00:01:33.000 I'd be like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:01:35.000 Oh, yeah. 0.95

00:01:36.000 Yeah, it's like, you remember that scene in Back to the Future?

00:01:38.000 When he's like, who's the president in 1985?

00:01:40.000 Ronald Reagan, the actor?

00:01:42.000 You know?

00:01:42.000 That's exactly what it's like.

00:01:44.000 It's crazy!

00:01:45.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:01:46.000 That picture, put that picture back up.

00:01:48.000 There's so much going on there.

00:01:49.000 No one's ever done that before.

00:01:50.000 And you know, like, before this, he's like, we gotta do a photo with the blacks. 0.89

00:01:53.000 You know, like, those are the kind of things he says.

00:01:55.000 We gotta get more images of the blacks out with me. 0.94

00:01:59.000 This is really important.

00:02:00.000 Really important.

00:02:01.000 Every time he takes a photo into the Oval Office, it's like, you know, 12...

00:02:06.000 White guys. 0.81

00:02:06.000 I wish I could do an impression of him. 0.81

00:02:09.000 I mean, yeah, there's a lot.

00:02:10.000 To me, it's just talk like a...

00:02:14.000 I can't, though.

00:02:14.000 My voice doesn't make that noise.

00:02:16.000 Whatever noise his voice makes.

00:02:19.000 It's kind of gravelly or something.

00:02:20.000 I don't know what it is.

00:02:22.000 Very bad things.

00:02:23.000 Bad things.

00:02:24.000 Sad.

00:02:25.000 Very bad.

00:02:26.000 Sad. 0.99

00:02:26.000 That sad thing, it's hilarious, the word sad after tweets, because fucking everybody's doing it now. 0.99

00:02:31.000 It's so funny, though. 0.98

00:02:32.000 The internet is funny, man.

00:02:34.000 Like, the internet, you have to, like, I always look at comedy like music, you know, and I always say, like, I know how to do, I know how to play acoustic guitar, which is like stand-up, you know what I mean?

00:02:44.000 And I know how to write, I've written for TV shows, that's like playing the piano.

00:02:47.000 Instagram, Twitter, that's like the saxophone, man.

00:02:51.000 I'm trying to learn the music, but it's funny, man.

00:02:54.000 It's a new kind of comedy.

00:02:55.000 Yeah, and people are good at it.

00:02:57.000 Some people are just good at it.

00:02:58.000 And like you said, you see a meme every now and then.

00:03:00.000 My girlfriend sometimes will be in the bedroom or something, and I'm here hysterically laughing.

00:03:08.000 And I come in and she just shows me and I'm like, you know what?

00:03:10.000 That's pretty funny.

00:03:11.000 And it's just a still image with three words on it.

00:03:13.000 And it just works.

00:03:14.000 Well, memes are a new form of comedy.

00:03:17.000 Like these images with text attached to the image.

00:03:19.000 That's just so perfect.

00:03:21.000 Totally.

00:03:21.000 And there's a way to do it.

00:03:23.000 And there's a way not to do it.

00:03:24.000 Because you can't be meta about it.

00:03:26.000 You can't be like, oh, you know, you have to, like, embrace it.

00:03:30.000 You can't think you're above it.

00:03:31.000 Like, you can't go like, oh, here's my meme. 1.00

00:03:34.000 My meme's about how memes are stupid. 1.00

00:03:35.000 It's like, nah, fuck you. 1.00

00:03:36.000 Everybody hates you. 1.00

00:03:37.000 Memes are awesome.

00:03:38.000 Yeah, they're great.

00:03:39.000 Yeah, so it's like you just have to embrace it and go like, nah, that's a funny form of comedy that I need to figure out.

00:03:43.000 There's a lot of thievery going on with memes, too.

00:03:44.000 Oh, yeah, you know a lot of people like that fat Jewish guy that just take everybody else's memes and he doesn't even like put repost He just puts their name in it like that's enough. 0.98

00:03:53.000 Yeah, like he puts their name somewhere in the in the post Yeah, he's one of those dudes where I don't know anything about him, but It's hard to like him.

00:04:02.000 Not interested.

00:04:03.000 It's hard to like him.

00:04:04.000 And I've heard people be like, oh man, I was at a party.

00:04:05.000 The Fat Jewish was there. 1.00

00:04:06.000 I'm like, you should stop this story right now.

00:04:08.000 Because there's nothing about this that's interesting to me.

00:04:10.000 It's just, for too long, he was doing what he knows is wrong.

00:04:14.000 And then he started just adding people's names to the memes.

00:04:17.000 But it doesn't, like, if I repost somebody's stuff, I write, I put the repost thing.

00:04:22.000 I use repost.

00:04:23.000 Mm-hmm.

00:04:23.000 So everybody knows.

00:04:24.000 It says in the first letters, re-post.

00:04:26.000 Right.

00:04:27.000 So, okay, this is Rory's tweet.

00:04:28.000 He put it, or this is, you know, Rory's Instagram post.

00:04:31.000 He's not doing that.

00:04:32.000 Nope.

00:04:33.000 Yeah, it's just, there's a funky thing. 0.92

00:04:36.000 But also, I gotta be honest, I've been sent some things, I don't know where the fuck they came from, and I put it up just because I thought it was hilarious. 0.90

00:04:41.000 Yeah. 0.94

00:04:41.000 I didn't try to say it was mine, and I'm not making a living off of doing that. 0.94

00:04:45.000 I just wanted to share something that's funny.

00:04:47.000 Yeah, but you can do that and go, I don't know where this came from, but it's really funny.

00:04:50.000 It is funny. 0.71

00:04:51.000 But it's weird because somebody must have made it and how the fuck do you find who made it? 0.68

00:04:56.000 I don't know. 0.57

00:04:56.000 I mean, I've only made one Instagram thing that like did okay, which was it was a picture of Ivanka Trump in that silver dress and Right when she released it, I was like, oh, I gotta do something about this. 0.57

00:05:11.000 And I said to my girlfriend, I go, what does this look like?

00:05:12.000 She's like a Chipotle burrito. 1.00

00:05:14.000 So I found a Chipotle burrito wrapped in tinfoil, and I was like, who wore it better?

00:05:19.000 And it did really, it was like the only time I did something on Instagram, because a lot of times I put a joke on Instagram, I'm like, get ready, Internet.

00:05:25.000 I'm about to break you.

00:05:26.000 And then nobody likes it.

00:05:28.000 But that one, I actually saw other people posting without crediting me.

00:05:31.000 And I was like, eh, what do you, you don't really, yeah, they're... 0.96

00:05:36.000 That dress is ridiculous! 1.00

00:05:37.000 I mean, it looks just like she looks like a burrito. 0.99

00:05:40.000 He's an odd-looking fellow, too.

00:05:42.000 There's something about the man, what is his name, Jared Kushner?

00:05:45.000 Jared Kushner, yeah.

00:05:46.000 There's something about him where I'm like, wow, this guy's like, he's like a character in a Kubrick movie or something.

00:05:51.000 Yeah, he to me is like, you know, I'm a New York Italian Jew, but I grew up with dudes like Jared Kush.

00:05:57.000 But he's like the rich version of where I grew up.

00:06:00.000 He's like a rich Jewish kid from the city who went to a private school and then got in that world.

00:06:06.000 And now he's running the country.

00:06:08.000 I feel like I could have gone to camp with him.

00:06:10.000 I mean, he really is running the country.

00:06:12.000 He's one of the guys.

00:06:13.000 He's one of the main people.

00:06:14.000 Yeah, but I don't know.

00:06:15.000 Then I read stuff that he doesn't have as much say as one might hope.

00:06:20.000 Oh, well, I would imagine.

00:06:20.000 Steve Bannon would have a little bit more.

00:06:23.000 Yeah.

00:06:23.000 I mean, I would imagine the big boss is the dad and then Bannon.

00:06:27.000 It's Trump and then Bannon.

00:06:29.000 Yeah.

00:06:29.000 But he's doing Trump's bidding.

00:06:31.000 I mean, he's the brother-in-law, the son-in-law.

00:06:35.000 Yep.

00:06:35.000 He's got a big part.

00:06:37.000 He does. 1.00

00:06:37.000 Look at that dork. 1.00

00:06:38.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 1.00

00:06:39.000 That dork's got a big part at running the country. 0.99

00:06:40.000 He sure does. 1.00

00:06:41.000 He fucking scored, though. 0.99

00:06:42.000 He did. 0.99

00:06:43.000 Congratulations, sir.

00:06:44.000 Yeah.

00:06:44.000 You made out well.

00:06:45.000 Yeah, he stepped in a big pile of shit there. 1.00

00:06:47.000 She's hot as fuck, too. 1.00

00:06:49.000 Yeah, she is. 0.99

00:06:50.000 I bet she's probably a pretty cool, reasonable person, too.

00:06:54.000 She seems like it.

00:06:55.000 She seems like it. 0.99

00:06:56.000 She hasn't stepped in shit. 0.99

00:06:57.000 I think she's probably a little bit like, what's going on? 0.99

00:07:00.000 I feel the same way about Melania.

00:07:02.000 I think Melania is like, I did not sign up to be the first lady.

00:07:05.000 Yeah, well, she's not even doing it. 0.72

00:07:07.000 Yeah, she's not.

00:07:08.000 Except for that one day she read The Lord's Prayer off of a piece of paper.

00:07:12.000 Oh, well, how about the one day she plagiarized Michelle Obama's speech? 0.97

00:07:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:16.000 That was the thing when I saw her reading The Lord's Prayer.

00:07:18.000 I'm sure it's out there, but my instinct was like, did she think Michelle Obama wrote The Lord's Prayer?

00:07:23.000 Is that what she's reading?

00:07:24.000 But I'm sure that joke was made a thousand times.

00:07:27.000 But let's be honest, Michelle Obama probably didn't write that speech either. 0.66

00:07:31.000 No.

00:07:31.000 It was probably a speech writer.

00:07:32.000 No, no, no, no.

00:07:32.000 No, absolutely not.

00:07:33.000 But I do think that...

00:07:35.000 If you're going to steal from a First Lady, do it from one from like, you know, 50 years ago.

00:07:39.000 Don't do it to one who's still First Lady.

00:07:41.000 Well, do you remember when Joe Biden got caught for stealing Kennedy's speeches?

00:07:44.000 Yes.

00:07:45.000 That was surprising to me when everyone started talking about, oh, everyone got so excited Biden might run for president.

00:07:51.000 And I was like, am I the only one who's been like paying attention to Joe Biden?

00:07:55.000 He's constantly doing those Trump things.

00:07:57.000 He's the guy who's like, hey, get up.

00:07:59.000 Come on, stand up.

00:07:59.000 And the guy's in a wheelchair.

00:08:01.000 Remember that? 0.99

00:08:02.000 He's like such a buffoon, you know? 0.99

00:08:03.000 He's an odd guy. 1.00

00:08:05.000 And the memes about him were fucking genius. 0.99

00:08:08.000 The Joe Biden memes at the end of the term. 0.99

00:08:10.000 The goodbye memes?

00:08:12.000 Oh my god.

00:08:13.000 That's what I'm talking about.

00:08:14.000 Like, that's funny, you know?

00:08:16.000 That's what I... For me, it was like, you know, The Daily Show, when I used to be at The Daily Show, it was like, we were doing stuff, and it always felt like we were the fastest ones doing it.

00:08:25.000 Now, with memes and stuff, you're going...

00:08:27.000 They're instantaneous.

00:08:28.000 You have a broadcast time.

00:08:29.000 There's no way you can keep up.

00:08:31.000 Yeah, I mean it's it's the speed by which things are launched and are good.

00:08:37.000 Yeah, they're not crappy like the mock-ups are funny and the graphics are funny and like people are doing like I don't know how fast people are editing photos on their phone or like Photoshop but instantaneously well they happen during podcasts while we're doing podcasts I'm gonna make a meme about something said on the podcast and it'll be up before the podcast is over yeah for me that the moment I For me,

00:09:00.000 it was the summer.

00:09:01.000 I was at the nightly show, and I started to go, we're in a little bit of trouble here.

00:09:05.000 It was when that dude was climbing Trump Tower, one of the suction cups.

00:09:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:09:10.000 I forgot about that.

00:09:11.000 Yeah, it was like 5 o'clock.

00:09:12.000 And we tape at like 6. We did tape at 6. And so we were rewriting that night's show.

00:09:17.000 And I made a little joke just to one of the researchers about the suction cup dude.

00:09:20.000 Like, what's he climbing?

00:09:21.000 Michael Phelps back?

00:09:22.000 Because it was the Olympics and Phelps was getting suction cup.

00:09:24.000 Oh, right, right, right. 1.00

00:09:24.000 Just a stupid joke, but the kind of thing for a late night show. 1.00

00:09:28.000 Top of show. 1.00

00:09:28.000 Hey, what's up, everybody? 1.00

00:09:29.000 Welcome to the show.

00:09:30.000 Before we get started, take a look at this, show the dude, and go, can we widen out on that?

00:09:33.000 And then you see him climbing Phelps back.

00:09:34.000 I said that, went back into the rewrite room, opened Twitter.

00:09:37.000 That joke had not only been made, the graphics were impeccable.

00:09:42.000 They've been retweeted like 60,000 times and the dude was already, he was still on the tower.

00:09:47.000 Well here's the thing.

00:09:47.000 It's that fast and that's when I'm like, we're in trouble.

00:09:49.000 This show's in trouble.

00:09:50.000 Comedy writers and comedians as well like to think that they're the only ones who are funny.

00:09:55.000 It's almost like you're a neurosurgeon or a race car mechanic.

00:09:58.000 Like you have some skill that no one else has after.

00:10:00.000 People are funny. 0.98

00:10:01.000 There's fucking funny people that are dentists. 0.98

00:10:02.000 One of the funniest people I've ever met in my fucking life is my former boss, Dave Dolan. 0.99

00:10:08.000 He was a private investigator. 0.99

00:10:09.000 The dude was fucking hilarious. 0.98

00:10:12.000 His cousin was billed down to own the Comedy Connection in Boston. 0.98

00:10:16.000 And when I was working for him, he lost his license from drinking and driving and he needed an assistant, in quotes.

00:10:24.000 Who did?

00:10:24.000 Basically, I was a driver.

00:10:25.000 This guy, my former boss.

00:10:27.000 I thought you meant the PI. The PI. Oh, the PI. The PI lost his license.

00:10:31.000 And so I started working for him.

00:10:32.000 And we'd have to get up at like 5 o'clock in the morning and show up at people's houses to catch them working when they were supposed to be on insurance.

00:10:39.000 So you were doing PI assistant work?

00:10:41.000 Yes.

00:10:41.000 How is that not a TV show?

00:10:43.000 Joe Rogan, PI, assistant, you know?

00:10:46.000 I don't know.

00:10:47.000 Maybe it could be.

00:10:48.000 I'm not gonna do it, though.

00:10:50.000 So steal the idea, anybody who's listening. 0.92

00:10:52.000 But this guy was fucking hilarious. 0.95

00:10:54.000 He just had a comic's mind. 1.00

00:10:55.000 He would just, like, start talking about, look at this scumbag, you know what the fuck he's doing. 1.00

00:10:59.000 So he starts saying crazy shit, narrating life. 1.00

00:11:01.000 Yeah, really hilarious. 0.99

00:11:02.000 I mean, I would be crying, like, tears rolling down my eyes, laughing and thinking, like, I'm the one who's a fucking comedian, and my boss is way funnier than me.

00:11:10.000 Yeah, all the guys I grew up with are funny. 0.68

00:11:12.000 I grew up with funny people.

00:11:15.000 Some of my friends are very, very funny, but they just didn't...

00:11:18.000 Who the hell thinks to do this?

00:11:20.000 Do stand-up.

00:11:21.000 That's what people ask me.

00:11:24.000 They say, what's the hardest thing about doing stand-up? 1.00

00:11:26.000 I'm like, it's admitting you're an asshole. 1.00

00:11:27.000 It's like... 1.00

00:11:28.000 You know what I mean?

00:11:29.000 If you walked into a party and it was full of people and they were all hanging out, you were like, hey, quiet down, everybody. 0.99

00:11:34.000 I got funny shit to say. 1.00

00:11:35.000 They'd be like, who brought the asshole? 1.00

00:11:37.000 They'd be like, wait, I'm not done. 0.99

00:11:38.000 Not only do I not want you to talk, I want you to pay me for my thoughts and ideas.

00:11:42.000 And put a light on me and make my voice louder than yours. 1.00

00:11:43.000 And make my voice louder, and if you talk, I'm going to be an asshole to you. 0.99

00:11:47.000 But the whole impulse to do that is very much like, not only do I think I'm funny, I think I can like... 0.98

00:11:54.000 And then every now and then you meet a comedian who wasn't funny when they were growing up.

00:11:59.000 And then you're like, what were you thinking?

00:12:00.000 The only reason I did this is because if I was good at baseball, I would have tried baseball.

00:12:07.000 But some guys are just funny and then they just become...

00:12:10.000 Accountants.

00:12:10.000 Well, everybody said something funny at one point in their life.

00:12:13.000 And one of the weird things about being a comedian is it's a special skill that doesn't look like it's a special skill.

00:12:19.000 Like, if I walked up to somebody who's, like, you know, making a sculpture or something like that, I'd be like, Oh, wow, how are you doing that?

00:12:27.000 Like, what are you using?

00:12:28.000 Oh, wow, what tools?

00:12:29.000 Like, how do you start it?

00:12:31.000 Like, do you map it out on paper?

00:12:33.000 Like, how do you do it?

00:12:34.000 Like, it would be confusing to me.

00:12:35.000 Right.

00:12:35.000 You know, I'd want to know, like, what's the process?

00:12:37.000 If I see a guy go on stage and start talking, I go, well, I can fucking do that. 0.71

00:12:41.000 That guy's just standing there. 0.97

00:12:42.000 Like, literally standing.

00:12:43.000 He's not Cirque du Soleil-ing.

00:12:44.000 He's not juggling.

00:12:45.000 Yeah.

00:12:45.000 He doesn't have a hula hoop on his neck.

00:12:47.000 He doesn't have a poodle with plates.

00:12:48.000 There's no spitting fire like Gene Simmons.

00:12:51.000 Everything seems really straightforward.

00:12:52.000 And so it's one of the things that's so deceptive about it.

00:12:55.000 And then you watch someone who's really good at it.

00:12:58.000 It's like, well, that seems so effortless.

00:13:00.000 This guy's up there killing like this.

00:13:02.000 I always feel like the years of it or being on stage, it's like you have to become as close to you As you can be in front of a group of people.

00:13:15.000 Bunch of strangers.

00:13:16.000 Yeah, and everything...

00:13:17.000 I always found in the beginning the hardest stuff about it was you don't realize how much superhuman hearing and stuff you have when you're on stage.

00:13:24.000 It's all these things like...

00:13:26.000 It's like...

00:13:28.000 I was trying to think of the analogy.

00:13:30.000 You ever see a movie where someone discovers they have superpowers, but they're overwhelming?

00:13:34.000 It's like that.

00:13:35.000 You get on stage and you hear a fork drop in the back of the room.

00:13:38.000 Stuff nobody else is hearing.

00:13:40.000 And when you're a rookie, you're like, hey, hold on to your fork!

00:13:42.000 And people are like, what?

00:13:44.000 You know what I mean?

00:13:45.000 Only you hear it, you know, hey, hey, sneezy!

00:13:47.000 People are like, did a guy sneeze?

00:13:49.000 I'm watching you.

00:13:50.000 So it's like you learn, but that for me in the beginning was like an issue.

00:13:54.000 I remember emceeing clubs and thinking I was being sharp, you know, and people being like, we did not experience that same sensation you experienced.

00:14:02.000 Well, learning how to relax, learning how to actually be yourself in front of all those people, it's fascinating to me.

00:14:07.000 I have a buddy of mine who's thinking about doing stand-up now, and I've known him forever, and he's been working on his act.

00:14:13.000 How old is he?

00:14:15.000 39, 40. And he's going for the first time.

00:14:18.000 Yeah, I mean, he's not.

00:14:19.000 Tate, you know, Tate Fletcher.

00:14:21.000 He's a successful actor.

00:14:22.000 He does, like, a lot of movies.

00:14:24.000 He's in everything.

00:14:25.000 He's in John Wick.

00:14:26.000 Every time I see him, he's in a movie getting shot.

00:14:27.000 Yeah.

00:14:28.000 He's in a ton of movies, right?

00:14:29.000 If he's in John Wick, he's getting shot in the head.

00:14:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:14:32.000 I think he got stabbed, too.

00:14:33.000 I don't know.

00:14:34.000 He got killed in Jurassic Park.

00:14:36.000 He got killed by dinosaurs, but he's always getting killed.

00:14:39.000 But the point is, he was in Westworld.

00:14:41.000 He got killed himself with a rock. 0.80

00:14:43.000 Smashed himself in the head with a rock. 0.51

00:14:44.000 Oh, I know that guy.

00:14:45.000 He's a good buddy of mine.

00:14:46.000 So he's been writing comedy.

00:14:47.000 And I'm like, what are you doing?

00:14:49.000 Like, why do this to yourself?

00:14:50.000 He's like, I want to do it.

00:14:51.000 I want to see what I'm going to do.

00:14:52.000 I'm like, oh, God.

00:14:53.000 And then I'm totally fascinated because the process of trying to figure out how to relax and, like, ready, set, go.

00:15:01.000 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Tate Flesher.

00:15:04.000 And he gets up on stage...

00:15:07.000 Yeah.

00:15:07.000 Hi!

00:15:07.000 Has he done it yet?

00:15:09.000 No, he hasn't done it yet.

00:15:10.000 But it's going to be interesting to see, because the whole process of becoming so comfortable that you can relax while you're on stage in front of all those people, it's just so odd.

00:15:20.000 To me, that's what takes the time.

00:15:21.000 It's the...

00:15:23.000 Being comfortable.

00:15:24.000 You know, it's like the Malcolm Gladwell thing.

00:15:27.000 It takes 10,000 hours to master something.

00:15:29.000 It's 10 years.

00:15:30.000 It's like, you've got to be on stage a lot of hours to be yourself and be comfortable and not...

00:15:35.000 And even, you know, and then when you watch yourself back, especially in the beginning, you don't realize you're doing stuff.

00:15:41.000 I remember watching myself back early on and being like, am I touching my nose the whole time?

00:15:45.000 You know what I mean?

00:15:45.000 Things like that.

00:15:46.000 Wait, why isn't anyone telling me I'm touching my nose?

00:15:49.000 People must think I do coke.

00:15:51.000 I'm like, hey guys, but I don't do coke.

00:15:53.000 They probably do think you do coke, right?

00:15:54.000 Back in the day.

00:15:55.000 I never did.

00:15:56.000 I never have.

00:15:57.000 But it's like those are the little nervous tics you develop and you have to learn over time.

00:16:00.000 It's just got to be you.

00:16:01.000 But it's hard.

00:16:03.000 You've transitioned from doing the Daily Show.

00:16:06.000 Don't say transition, Joe.

00:16:07.000 It's 2017. People are just now going to think that you're becoming...

00:16:11.000 Yeah, it's a weird term now.

00:16:12.000 You can't say transition.

00:16:13.000 Right, the term's been co-opted.

00:16:16.000 You can't say transition.

00:16:18.000 I'm mid-transition, Joe.

00:16:19.000 You're on your journey?

00:16:20.000 Nope.

00:16:21.000 Can't even say that.

00:16:21.000 What kind of journey?

00:16:22.000 A journey of sexual journey?

00:16:23.000 Sexual experimentation.

00:16:25.000 And you can't ask me about it because you're not supposed to.

00:16:29.000 Right.

00:16:30.000 You can't ask.

00:16:30.000 You have to just accept.

00:16:31.000 A lot of rules.

00:16:32.000 Yeah.

00:16:34.000 Wow, okay.

00:16:35.000 I was gonna say something, but I was gonna throw somebody under the bus, but there's no need to.

00:16:41.000 This whole journey of like going from like you started off as a comic and then you worked for The Daily Show for so long, and you kind of missed comedy, did comedy while you were doing it a little bit.

00:16:50.000 Yeah, like I did a half hour special when I was at The Daily Show, but it was weak because I was putting 95% of my energy into The Daily Show.

00:16:59.000 But now you're out. 0.99

00:17:00.000 Now you're fucking... 0.99

00:17:01.000 Well, I left The Daily Show in like 2013. Last time I did your podcast, I was living out here and about to go back to do The Nightly Show. 0.99

00:17:09.000 And The Nightly Show was...

00:17:11.000 I said yes to that because I didn't want to produce anymore.

00:17:13.000 I wanted to perform.

00:17:13.000 But the deal for The Nightly Show was I got to be on it, you know?

00:17:17.000 That's The Larry Wilmore Show.

00:17:18.000 Yeah, The Larry Wilmore Show.

00:17:18.000 Yeah, so I went back.

00:17:19.000 At the time, it was called The Minority Report, but then it became The Nightly Show because of Fox lawsuits.

00:17:26.000 Why is that?

00:17:27.000 What's the lawsuit?

00:17:27.000 Because remember the Minority Report, the Tom Cruise movie, which is like a Philip K. Dick book, and Fox had just bought...

00:17:33.000 Oh, you said Fox.

00:17:34.000 I automatically think Fox News. 1.00

00:17:36.000 I associate Fox, the parent company, should change their fucking name now. 0.99

00:17:41.000 I agree, yeah. 0.99

00:17:42.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:17:43.000 Because even when you see it come up, you're like, oh, is this going to be partisan?

00:17:47.000 I was working for the UFC, still do, but I don't do the Fox things anymore.

00:17:51.000 And when I was doing the Fox things, they were like, oh, so you're working on Fox now?

00:17:56.000 What's that like?

00:17:57.000 Are they like super right-wing?

00:17:58.000 That's so funny. 1.00

00:17:59.000 No, it's fucking cage fighting, dude. 1.00

00:18:00.000 I'm a cage fighting commentator. 1.00

00:18:02.000 And yes, they are right wing.

00:18:03.000 Yeah, but that's not what this...

00:18:05.000 I know, it's totally different.

00:18:05.000 Well, Fox didn't always used to be right wing.

00:18:07.000 No.

00:18:08.000 They're actually not...

00:18:09.000 Not everybody is right wing, but now there's a place where...

00:18:11.000 It's weird.

00:18:12.000 I've noticed with Fox where it's like if somebody...

00:18:16.000 They like, the right likes, says something anti-Trump, then they just want him off the network.

00:18:21.000 Really?

00:18:21.000 Yeah, that happened twice.

00:18:23.000 Shep Smith said something about Trump.

00:18:24.000 He said something recently that was really good.

00:18:27.000 Yeah, but he went on a rant about him, and then people were like...

00:18:29.000 That's sort of...

00:18:31.000 My favorite thing that's happening right now is...

00:18:33.000 There's a group of people calling another group of people snowflakes for oversensitivity.

00:18:37.000 Yeah, I love that term.

00:18:38.000 Yeah, which I think is very funny, and I agree, there is a lot of snowflakes.

00:18:42.000 You can get in trouble right now for saying anything, and I'm sure, like, just this conversation, people are mad. 0.99

00:18:46.000 There's some fucking liberal guy on Twitter that was like, in all caps, stop calling people snowflakes! 0.98

00:18:51.000 And you're like, well, now I want to do it more. 1.00

00:18:53.000 It's tantamount to psychological torture for these young children. 1.00

00:18:56.000 I'm like, oh, fucking snowflakes, settle down. 1.00

00:18:59.000 I got into trouble with, uh... 1.00

00:19:01.000 When Trump won, because they kept showing all this footage on the news of, like, grown men crying.

00:19:07.000 So I just said, like, I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but to me, every time, if I see a grown man crying on the news, like, it's...

00:19:13.000 Not if he's crying because his kid died.

00:19:15.000 Just, like...

00:19:16.000 Like, you lost the election, and you're a grown man, and you're crying.

00:19:19.000 And so I made a joke about it, like how I think that's funny every time.

00:19:22.000 People got so mad.

00:19:24.000 Oh, men can't cry?

00:19:25.000 I'm like, I don't know.

00:19:26.000 Of course men can cry. 1.00

00:19:27.000 They just can't cry over that pussy. 1.00

00:19:29.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:19:30.000 It's like, people were like, oh, why?

00:19:31.000 Why is it funny?

00:19:32.000 Because it's a man?

00:19:33.000 I'm like...

00:19:33.000 Yeah, I guess, because he's crying over an election and he's a man.

00:19:38.000 I don't know.

00:19:39.000 Where I grew up, that's funny.

00:19:40.000 It's still funny to me.

00:19:41.000 Well, it is funny because that's not a guy who can keep it together.

00:19:44.000 This is not a national disaster.

00:19:46.000 It might become a national disaster.

00:19:48.000 Sure, but it wasn't at the time.

00:19:48.000 It was just a loss.

00:19:49.000 It's certainly a moment for concern.

00:19:51.000 Sure.

00:19:51.000 And I get it.

00:19:52.000 And then people are like, well, what about gay men?

00:19:55.000 And I go, yeah, I get it.

00:19:55.000 A lot of people are scared they're going to lose their rights.

00:19:57.000 They're scared.

00:19:58.000 I get it.

00:19:59.000 But, man, I got scolded.

00:20:00.000 Grown men crying is funny to me, but... 0.98

00:20:03.000 I'm like, I guess it's not.

00:20:05.000 I don't know.

00:20:05.000 There's so many people making...

00:20:07.000 Well, the grown man crying is not funny.

00:20:08.000 What's funny is a grown man crying when he shouldn't be crying.

00:20:10.000 Yeah, that's what's funny.

00:20:12.000 Absolutely.

00:20:12.000 Yeah, and it's like there's still an instinct.

00:20:15.000 You still have a kind of a knee-jerk instinct to things sometimes that just makes you laugh.

00:20:19.000 And if you share that feeling at the wrong time... 0.95

00:20:22.000 You're immature.

00:20:23.000 Guilty as charged. 0.94

00:20:24.000 And then the flip side is...

00:20:27.000 Is the right, man.

00:20:28.000 Like, they're calling everybody snowflakes, and then you say one thing that they don't want to hear, and they want you on Fox News.

00:20:33.000 Talk about snowflakes.

00:20:34.000 They're like, why, Shep Smith, he should go with Megyn Kelly and lamestream NBC, and you're going, aren't you?

00:20:40.000 Doesn't that make you a snowflake now?

00:20:44.000 And then same thing happened with Chris Wallace.

00:20:45.000 Chris Wallace did that interview with Rens Priebus, and people were like, get him out of here.

00:20:50.000 Oh, really?

00:20:50.000 Yeah, Chris Wallace is, you know, his dad was Mike Wallace.

00:20:53.000 He's actually a journalist.

00:20:54.000 Yeah.

00:20:55.000 It's crazy.

00:20:56.000 Well, it's a weird time when you see journalists getting excluded from press gaggles.

00:21:00.000 When you get the New York Times, and who else was it?

00:21:03.000 It was New York Times, LA Times, and then there was another big one.

00:21:06.000 Oh, CNN. CNN. Fuck the Fucking CNN. What the fuck?

00:21:09.000 Remember when Obama was considering removing Fox News from something? 1.00

00:21:14.000 Because Fox News is essentially propaganda.

00:21:16.000 If you listen to Sean Hannity, I've heard Sean Hannity is a wonderful man.

00:21:21.000 I've heard he's a really nice guy when you meet him. 1.00

00:21:22.000 But that motherfucker is spewing straight hot propaganda. 1.00

00:21:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:26.000 He was the best point man after the grab my pussy shit came up. 1.00

00:21:31.000 He was the best. 1.00

00:21:32.000 Because he just went fucking straight to Benghazi, he went straight to the email scandal, and he fucking hammered it constantly to the point where, you know, locker room talk aside, we could certainly say that was inappropriate, but let's get to the facts here, let's get to what's important. 0.98

00:21:46.000 And just BAM! BAM! BAM! He's a big Trump ally. 0.99

00:21:50.000 He's good.

00:21:51.000 He's good at what he does.

00:21:52.000 He is very good at what he does. 0.92

00:21:54.000 But, I mean, when that was going on against Obama, they were like, look, why the fuck are we having these people even, why are we even pretending they're press? 0.94

00:22:01.000 This is not journalism. 0.96

00:22:03.000 This is a propaganda network, and everybody was like, whoa, whoa!

00:22:07.000 You remember, it was like 2009, and Obama almost had them removed, but people protested, and he's like, all right, fine.

00:22:13.000 Not Trump!

00:22:14.000 No, he's like, not only that, I'm not even going to the press correspondence dinner. 1.00

00:22:17.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:22:18.000 That, to me, talk about being a pussy, dude. 1.00

00:22:23.000 That's him being scared to get made fun of. 1.00

00:22:25.000 And I was thinking the whole time, like, oh, what comedian gets to do that?

00:22:28.000 That's a great gig. 1.00

00:22:29.000 Fuck that gig. 1.00

00:22:30.000 That guy will go after you. 1.00

00:22:31.000 That's the difference.

00:22:32.000 The problem is you make fun of that dude, and then all of a sudden you're getting audited.

00:22:37.000 Yeah, you're right about that.

00:22:38.000 More than audited, man.

00:22:40.000 More than audited. 0.98

00:22:40.000 They'll probably search your emails and find some incriminating shit that you might have did when you were in high school. 0.98

00:22:45.000 But then part of me is like, kind of worth it. 0.98

00:22:49.000 Kind of.

00:22:50.000 Kind of stand up on the stage next to Trump and just be like, dude, come on.

00:22:53.000 Yeah, but you would definitely get mad press for doing it.

00:22:56.000 Well, but yeah, he would go, I don't know.

00:22:59.000 He doesn't handle it well.

00:23:00.000 Do you remember when Obama was roasting him? 0.99

00:23:02.000 And he just sat there and he had this fucked up look in his face? 0.99

00:23:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

00:23:06.000 I know, it's a weird time, man.

00:23:08.000 It's a weird time.

00:23:09.000 That was like when Obama said, uh, we have video of my actual birth for the first time.

00:23:14.000 We're gonna release this.

00:23:15.000 And they go to the Lion King.

00:23:16.000 Yes.

00:23:16.000 Remember the Lion King cartoon?

00:23:17.000 That was hilarious.

00:23:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:23:19.000 Obama was fucking good at that. 0.99

00:23:21.000 It was really funny. 0.99

00:23:21.000 Obama was pretty funny. 0.99

00:23:22.000 He's a funny dude.

00:23:23.000 He's a funny president.

00:23:23.000 Yeah.

00:23:24.000 I mean, I just still to this day I think that he's probably as far as like as a human being not not as like I hate presidential speeches because I hate I hate that whole political talk I hate the way people talk I know like they're not a real person and he is like the king of the pause man the big fake stupid artistic pause Well, 0.99

00:23:49.000 I mean, he's just good at that kind of shit, and there's a thing to that. 0.99

00:23:52.000 I don't particularly like that. 1.00

00:23:54.000 But I get it.

00:23:55.000 But I mean, as far as like being like a representative of the country, the guy was intelligent, well-read, forget his policies aside.

00:24:02.000 There's something about who the guy who is in charge is, what it says about the rest of us.

00:24:08.000 And what it says about the rest of us now is that we're a disorganized mess.

00:24:12.000 Yeah.

00:24:12.000 And that's really what it says.

00:24:13.000 Yeah.

00:24:15.000 It's definitely a...

00:24:16.000 I could tell you this, though.

00:24:18.000 Trump is not wrong about CNN hating him.

00:24:21.000 Like, he's not wrong.

00:24:22.000 No, he's not wrong at all.

00:24:23.000 If you watch the election and everything leading up to the election, they did not like him.

00:24:28.000 Even the images they used of him.

00:24:30.000 And they were pretty openly...

00:24:32.000 Against him.

00:24:33.000 And look, like I said, I worked at the Daily Show.

00:24:35.000 I watched a lot of CNN. I watched a lot of MSNBC. I have problems with all of those cable news.

00:24:40.000 Good for you, because you should.

00:24:42.000 And I really think that the cult of personality media thing...

00:24:47.000 My biggest issue with cable news is that they're on the same rating system as the Big Bang Theory.

00:24:53.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:24:54.000 That's it.

00:24:55.000 And it's like they're trying to get...

00:24:56.000 Ah, that's so true!

00:24:58.000 No, but they're trying to get numbers, man.

00:24:59.000 That's all they're trying to do.

00:25:01.000 That's so true!

00:25:02.000 Obviously, the goal of Sean Hannity's show or AC360, any of these shows, is to get people to watch so they can sell ad time, so they can make money.

00:25:11.000 So that's my issue with it more than...

00:25:15.000 A lot of them are bad at journalism.

00:25:17.000 I mean, it's hard for me to forget things like Balloon Boy.

00:25:21.000 When we're at war in Afghanistan and Iraq, and they think a kid's stuck in a weather balloon.

00:25:27.000 And we have seven hours of coverage of a weather balloon floating down the street with a live chopper coverage.

00:25:32.000 And then it turned out the kid was hiding.

00:25:34.000 The dad was a prankster.

00:25:35.000 The dad had done that before.

00:25:36.000 Whatever.

00:25:37.000 The point is...

00:25:38.000 Why did I have to watch that for four hours?

00:25:41.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:25:42.000 So it's like if a shiny thing happens, they run towards the shiny thing.

00:25:46.000 They do.

00:25:46.000 They're immature.

00:25:47.000 They're looking for ratings.

00:25:49.000 They're looking to be the first.

00:25:50.000 They never talk about...

00:25:51.000 Like Flint, Michigan.

00:25:55.000 When's the last time?

00:25:56.000 People there don't have water.

00:25:57.000 Still.

00:25:57.000 And they live in America.

00:25:58.000 Still.

00:25:59.000 But the media's not talking about it.

00:26:00.000 They're talking right now about Kelly Conway putting her feet up on the couch.

00:26:04.000 Does she have shoes on? 0.99

00:26:05.000 That's what I want to know.

00:26:06.000 I don't know.

00:26:06.000 In other words...

00:26:08.000 Goddamn White House couch, bitch. 1.00

00:26:09.000 So they get... 1.00

00:26:10.000 That's what people are mad about.

00:26:12.000 They're like, that's disrespectful.

00:26:13.000 Imagine if a guy was sitting like that. 1.00

00:26:15.000 But you've got to imagine they scotch-guarded that shit. 1.00

00:26:17.000 If Obama was sitting like that on their couch, do you know how many gay rumors would come out about him? 1.00

00:26:21.000 If Michelle Obama was sitting like that anywhere, the things people would say about Michelle Obama...

00:26:28.000 She has her shoes on.

00:26:29.000 Oh, boy. 1.00

00:26:31.000 That dirty girl. 1.00

00:26:31.000 That is just un-American. 1.00

00:26:33.000 Dog shit and bubble gum all over the fucking White House couch. 1.00

00:26:36.000 How dare you, lady. 1.00

00:26:38.000 Dog shit and bubble gum. 1.00

00:26:39.000 I think there's a real problem with what the news is because it's not really the news. 1.00

00:26:45.000 It's an entertainment show featuring events in the news.

00:26:48.000 Right.

00:26:48.000 And they're 100% biased.

00:26:50.000 There's no real journalism on television when it comes to TV news.

00:26:54.000 PBS, I feel like.

00:26:55.000 Maybe, sort of.

00:26:56.000 They're super liberal.

00:26:57.000 Yeah, but they're also very boring.

00:26:59.000 Yeah.

00:26:59.000 In other words, they're not trying to zazzy it.

00:27:00.000 They're like, here's what's happening.

00:27:02.000 Well, that's what we need, though.

00:27:04.000 You need to be able to formulate your own opinions, and when you're being steered in one way or another, whether it's steered by Bill O'Reilly or steered by someone on the left, it's a... 0.98

00:27:13.000 Who the fuck is, like, a big reporter for CNN? I don't even know anybody. 0.96

00:27:16.000 Anderson Cooper.

00:27:17.000 That's it.

00:27:18.000 Wolf Blitzer! 0.85

00:27:19.000 Wolf Blitzer.

00:27:19.000 I saw Wolf Blitzer the other day in Vegas.

00:27:21.000 You did?

00:27:21.000 I ran into him.

00:27:22.000 I got intimidated.

00:27:23.000 I was going to say hi, but I'm like, maybe he doesn't like me. 0.98

00:27:25.000 He had four hookers with him. 1.00

00:27:27.000 He's walking into the Balazzo. 0.99

00:27:28.000 I wish he did.

00:27:29.000 I'd high-five him.

00:27:30.000 No, but I think he wants to smoke a joint.

00:27:32.000 The only thing I will say about Fox is, like, their opinion guys, O'Reilly, Hannity, they kind of have them under opinion.

00:27:39.000 Yes.

00:27:40.000 Right?

00:27:40.000 Versus, like, Anderson Cooper is, like, news, you know?

00:27:43.000 So it's like...

00:27:45.000 But do you think Anderson...

00:27:46.000 I think Anderson Cooper, like, my take on him is clearly he's very left-wing, right? 0.96

00:27:51.000 He's a gay guy. 0.97

00:27:53.000 Mm-hmm. 0.60

00:27:53.000 You know, I mean, he's... 0.60

00:27:55.000 Yeah, he's also a Vanderbilt.

00:27:58.000 Oh yeah, that's right.

00:27:59.000 And he also worked for the CIA when he was in college.

00:28:01.000 That I did not know.

00:28:02.000 You did not know that?

00:28:02.000 No.

00:28:03.000 Yeah, the big concern is that Anderson Cooper is an embedded CIA journalist.

00:28:09.000 Yeah, that's the big CIA conspiracy theory.

00:28:11.000 You didn't know that?

00:28:12.000 No, I did not know that. 1.00

00:28:12.000 Well, I would imagine that once you work for the CIA, you're in the fucking CIA. Yeah. 1.00

00:28:17.000 Yeah, I imagine you always have a little contact.

00:28:19.000 Yeah, I have a friend who used to be in the CIA, and I still consider him in the CIA. You know, I mean, I know another guy whose dad was in the CIA. He was a fucking dad still in the CIA, essentially.

00:28:30.000 Well, you figure you gotta know a couple people over at the CIA. Like, I don't know, I don't have any CIA contacts, you know? 0.99

00:28:35.000 It's like if you used to work there, you probably have a few.

00:28:36.000 This is a shitty comparison, but if I left the UFC, I'd still be with the UFC. You know what I mean?

00:28:44.000 There's a giant bond that you've got to have with the fucking Central Intelligence Agency. 1.00

00:28:50.000 You know, you don't fuck with those guys. 1.00

00:28:51.000 You don't fuck them over. 1.00

00:28:52.000 And if they call you, you answer the goddamn phone. 1.00

00:28:54.000 Fuck yeah, you do. 1.00

00:28:56.000 I'm still like... 1.00

00:28:57.000 That's why I really got weirded out when Trump was being so hard on the intelligence community. 0.97

00:29:01.000 He's crazy for that! 0.91

00:29:02.000 I'm like, dude, like...

00:29:03.000 I don't know man, like all of those guys in the intelligence community, like they're the reasons we're safe.

00:29:08.000 And when I say we're safe, I live in New York City, okay?

00:29:10.000 So my attitude on terrorism is If you live in New York or a city, like, you know, I always take issue with people, and I travel doing stand-up, and, you know, I make a joke about ISIS or something, and people go, ooh, in small towns.

00:29:24.000 But in big cities, they laugh.

00:29:26.000 And I go, it's amazing to me that, like, people in, like, Kentucky think that there's someone in a cave, like, we've got to get to Louisville.

00:29:32.000 Like, it's not happening.

00:29:33.000 You know what I mean?

00:29:34.000 Like, so there's this weird thing that starts to happen where people are using...

00:29:38.000 I keep seeing people post 9-11 like the World Trade Center is on fire and go, this is why the Muslim ban makes sense. 1.00

00:29:43.000 I was there, man.

00:29:44.000 You don't get to use that.

00:29:47.000 There's something very odd to me about Everyone hates New York.

00:29:53.000 Not everyone, but real America doesn't consider New York real.

00:29:57.000 But the terrorist attacks there were.

00:29:59.000 It's a very odd thing that's happened in the country.

00:30:02.000 I know what you're saying.

00:30:03.000 And it feels divided in the sense of like, we hate everything you guys are about, but we'll use that thing that impacted your lives as a way to gain our...

00:30:12.000 Make our point.

00:30:13.000 That's hilarious what you're saying, because you're saying, we hate everything you're about.

00:30:16.000 That sounds just like the terrorists.

00:30:18.000 Right, that's true.

00:30:19.000 So if you're talking about someone from, like, you know, a very conservative part of the country saying, we hate New York, because New York's the liberal elite.

00:30:24.000 And then you say, oh, the terrorists hate New York, too. 1.00

00:30:28.000 You should be on the side of the terrorists, you fucks. 0.99

00:30:29.000 Yeah, that's a good point. 0.99

00:30:30.000 I mean, it's kind of weird, right?

00:30:31.000 It is weird.

00:30:32.000 And there's a weird thing happening right now.

00:30:34.000 But I do feel like the country is divided to a point of...

00:30:41.000 I don't know.

00:30:43.000 Well, I gotta be honest, man.

00:30:44.000 On the internet, it's bad.

00:30:46.000 I got my news a lot from The Daily Show.

00:30:51.000 When I would watch The Daily Show, I feel like Jon Stewart is obviously a very left-leaning guy, but he's also a very smart guy and a very funny guy.

00:31:00.000 And when he would talk about events in the news and mock them and show clips and mock the clips, That, to me, is a way better version of what I would get.

00:31:08.000 Like, I can discern what's a joke, I can discern how he's making fun, but then I will also get the actual information of these events from him as well. 0.97

00:31:17.000 That, to me, is a way better version of news entertainment than what fucking CNN is doing. 1.00

00:31:21.000 Because what CNN is doing is having what are essentially actors, like really boring people that are reading some stupid shit off a teleprompter. 1.00

00:31:28.000 Like, you take fucking Anderson Cooper away from the news? 1.00

00:31:31.000 Who's Anderson Cooper? 0.99

00:31:33.000 Are you interesting, dude?

00:31:34.000 You know?

00:31:35.000 Let's have him talk.

00:31:36.000 Have him give a speech somewhere.

00:31:38.000 Have him talk to people.

00:31:39.000 Have him do a stand-up routine. 1.00

00:31:42.000 He's boring as shit, I bet. 1.00

00:31:44.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:31:45.000 I mean, if you're watching an entertainer, Give you the news, which is essentially what CNN's doing.

00:31:50.000 Right. 0.98

00:31:51.000 Fucking Jon Stewart should be on CNN. Yeah, but then he'd have to, like, go to work every day. 0.99

00:31:55.000 He didn't want to do that.

00:31:56.000 Right.

00:31:56.000 Is that what his deal is?

00:31:57.000 He doesn't want to work anymore?

00:31:58.000 No, he doesn't want...

00:31:59.000 The Daily Show, after so many years, I mean, I was there for a long...

00:32:03.000 I talked to Jon a lot.

00:32:04.000 I think a lot of it is just the feeling of, like...

00:32:08.000 You know, doing a talk show four nights a week, every day, and calling through all that news.

00:32:14.000 Like, we were giving people the little golden nuggets that happened throughout the day, but, like, we had to watch it.

00:32:19.000 Like, you know, we were absorbing a lot of, like, radiation from all that stuff over the years.

00:32:22.000 And, like, you know, like, the closer you are to the radiation, the more, you know, your hair gets gray and your soul hurts after a while.

00:32:29.000 And I think for John, I mean, I think him leaving when he left was a good way to do it.

00:32:33.000 Did he just make a bunch of money and say, yeah, that's it?

00:32:35.000 No, it wasn't even the money.

00:32:36.000 I think it was just he felt like, and he said it on the last show.

00:32:39.000 I wasn't there for the, I mean, I had stopped working there before he retired, but I think he just got to a point where he said, like, I'm not doing this at the level I could do it at anymore.

00:32:48.000 Therefore, someone else should do it.

00:32:49.000 Like, he was just kind of, he did it.

00:32:52.000 And I think if he waded through this election, which people were like, I wish he was still on.

00:32:56.000 It's like, yeah, but now Trump would be in, and then everyone would be like, you can't quit now.

00:33:00.000 He'd be stuck in it forever.

00:33:02.000 And I think he just wanted to walk away on the top, like the way, like a retire after a Super Bowl win kind of a thing.

00:33:10.000 People forget that he wasn't the original host.

00:33:12.000 Isn't that fascinating?

00:33:13.000 Yeah, Kilbourne was.

00:33:14.000 Yeah, what happened to that guy?

00:33:16.000 I don't know.

00:33:16.000 I never worked there with Kilbourne.

00:33:18.000 I started like six months after Jon Stewart started.

00:33:21.000 And so I've heard a lot of like funny Kilbourne stories.

00:33:24.000 Like he was a good dude and he was a really funny guy, but like definitely much more of a read the teleprompter.

00:33:30.000 Yeah.

00:33:31.000 Read what they put in the prompter kind of, you know, Ron Burgundy style.

00:33:35.000 Yes. 1.00

00:33:36.000 Go fuck yourself, San Diego. 1.00

00:33:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:33:38.000 Great job on the floor, everybody.

00:33:40.000 When John came on and he was really a writer, producer, mind, there was definitely a sea change at the show of the original writers going like, Hey, buddy, don't ruin our little show.

00:33:52.000 And he was like, I don't know if you understand how this is gonna work.

00:33:55.000 You know, there was a little bit of...

00:33:56.000 Oh, there was like a clash?

00:33:57.000 A little bit.

00:33:58.000 A little bit.

00:33:58.000 What was their vision?

00:34:00.000 That he was just gonna read whatever they wrote?

00:34:01.000 Yeah.

00:34:02.000 Period.

00:34:02.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:34:03.000 But he's a really funny comic.

00:34:05.000 Why wouldn't they want him to contribute and make it funnier?

00:34:07.000 I don't know.

00:34:08.000 I mean, it worked out in his favor.

00:34:09.000 I think his contributions ended up making the show pretty damn good.

00:34:11.000 Obviously.

00:34:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:12.000 But egos are a motherfucker, man. 1.00

00:34:14.000 It's always an odd thing. 0.99

00:34:16.000 Yeah, and comedy writers are, like you said, there's definitely a thing with comedy writers where it's, we have this special, unique skill.

00:34:23.000 And it is a skill.

00:34:24.000 And it's hard.

00:34:24.000 I've done it.

00:34:26.000 I do it.

00:34:26.000 Like, it's hard.

00:34:27.000 Right.

00:34:28.000 You know, a lot of people are funny.

00:34:30.000 The internet to me taught me that.

00:34:32.000 The internet was when it really became the internet the last 10 years.

00:34:35.000 Like, oh yeah, there's just some funny dudes who live in the middle of nowhere and they're as funny as anyone I've ever met.

00:34:41.000 And they just never had access to this.

00:34:43.000 They never had access to LA or TV or even knew how to...

00:34:48.000 In the wildest dreams, how do you get into this business?

00:34:51.000 We don't have to anymore.

00:34:53.000 The whole idea is just to get your message out or get your comedy out.

00:34:58.000 And you can just do that on Instagram now.

00:35:00.000 I was super lucky in that I was on a really unusual sitcom in news radio.

00:35:05.000 And not unusual in that it was funny, but unusual in that Paul Sims, who is the executive producer's He had almost zero ego.

00:35:11.000 And so if Dave Foley came up with a funnier line or Steven Root came up with a funnier line, he's like, oh yeah, go with that.

00:35:17.000 Like instantaneously would drop whatever the old line was and go with their line.

00:35:21.000 So my whole take on comedy on television was poisoned like early on by their generosity and lack of ego. 0.85

00:35:30.000 So like when I would, when we would do that show, like Dave Foley would rewrite whole fucking scenes when we would do run-throughs. 0.92

00:35:36.000 Genius, genius. 0.96

00:35:37.000 Secret producer of that show in a lot of ways.

00:35:40.000 But they wanted him to do it.

00:35:41.000 They're like, let's just make the best show we can.

00:35:43.000 And everybody would contribute.

00:35:44.000 So there was never any...

00:35:45.000 So I would do other things.

00:35:46.000 And when I would do other things, and when someone would have a better line, and the writers would go, eh, let's stick with the first one.

00:35:51.000 I'm like, that line's way better. 0.97

00:35:52.000 I'm like, what the fuck's going on here? 0.98

00:35:54.000 You don't want to try that line? 0.99

00:35:55.000 I was like, oh, there's some weird ego shit going on here, where the writers didn't want to be replaced by some stand-up comic who was on it. 0.94

00:36:03.000 Of course. 0.97

00:36:04.000 Some David Spade-type character or whatever.

00:36:06.000 They've been rendered irrelevant at that point.

00:36:10.000 Nobody wants somebody else to come in and do the thing they think that they...

00:36:13.000 Well, they want to protect their existence.

00:36:15.000 But yeah, I mean, every show, like for me, at the Daily Show and then the Nightly Show, you know, I was running.

00:36:19.000 I mean, I didn't start running the Daily Show.

00:36:21.000 I started as a PA. But like, ultimately, I ended up being the executive producer before I left.

00:36:25.000 And same with the Nightly Show.

00:36:27.000 My attitude with all those shows was, all I cared about was the show being as good as it could be.

00:36:32.000 I didn't really care where the idea came from.

00:36:35.000 The goal was, every night, the best show possible.

00:36:38.000 Right.

00:36:38.000 Now, what was your experience doing The Nightly Show?

00:36:40.000 How long did you do it for?

00:36:40.000 We were on the air for a year and a half.

00:36:43.000 My experience there was awesome.

00:36:44.000 I loved the people.

00:36:45.000 What happened to the show?

00:36:46.000 Why did it not work?

00:36:47.000 I think it didn't work because...

00:36:48.000 Well, there's a lot of reasons I think it didn't work.

00:36:51.000 Mainly, it takes a talk show a while to figure out what it is.

00:36:56.000 If you watch the last six months of the show, we really started nailing it.

00:37:02.000 We really had something special, and we figured it out.

00:37:05.000 We got the groove down, we figured out what the acts were, the kind of stories we were tackling, and it takes that long.

00:37:12.000 But in figuring that out, You know, Jon Stewart left The Daily Show, so our lead-in, and, you know, there's another new Trevor, but our lead-in was now a new host of the show.

00:37:23.000 So I think the audience gave us a chance, which any audience would when we first aired, and the show wasn't quite there yet, as no show is, but they gave us a chance.

00:37:32.000 And then when Jon left, I think they had already given us our chance.

00:37:37.000 So by the time we found the show...

00:37:39.000 Like, meaning, within the show, by the time we made it good and really figured out what it was, the audience was like, ah, no, we already tried that show.

00:37:45.000 We didn't like it.

00:37:46.000 And we're like, oh, no, come back now and try it, because it's better now, you know?

00:37:49.000 Was it a ratings issue?

00:37:50.000 Yeah, ratings.

00:37:52.000 Ratings for both shows.

00:37:53.000 I mean, late night's tough right now, man.

00:37:54.000 And also, don't forget, like, the nightly show was on at 1130. It replaced Colbert, but Colbert didn't go anywhere.

00:38:00.000 He just went to a bigger show at 1130. So now you have, like, an unknown...

00:38:05.000 Dude, Larry Wilmore, who's amazing, but he wasn't...

00:38:07.000 What does he do?

00:38:08.000 Now he's just...

00:38:10.000 No, what does he do?

00:38:10.000 Is he a comic?

00:38:11.000 Larry was a producer.

00:38:13.000 He was a comic originally and a producer.

00:38:15.000 He created the Bernie Mac show.

00:38:16.000 He created...

00:38:17.000 He's been producing and writing television.

00:38:19.000 Like, every show you've ever liked, he's behind, you know?

00:38:22.000 So how did he get behind the camera?

00:38:23.000 Because he was on The Daily Show.

00:38:26.000 He was our senior black correspondent.

00:38:29.000 Oh, okay.

00:38:29.000 So he would come in once a month and do a thing about racial issues in America.

00:38:34.000 I see.

00:38:34.000 And then Stuart really wanted to do a show about race, because Ferguson was going on, all that stuff was happening.

00:38:41.000 So he wanted to do a show that was more of a conversation about race, Minority Report.

00:38:45.000 And when John called me, I was like, oh, that sounds funny.

00:38:48.000 He goes, and I want you to be the token white guy. 0.78

00:38:50.000 You know what I mean?

00:38:50.000 Meaning I could be the dude on the panel who's...

00:38:54.000 Either playing the defensive role or the aggressive role in talking about some of this stuff.

00:38:59.000 But it ended up being a lot more of a...

00:39:02.000 Daily show kind of show.

00:39:03.000 We had much more of an act one, footage, news.

00:39:07.000 We did a lot of sketches.

00:39:08.000 For me, it was a great experience.

00:39:10.000 I have a reel now.

00:39:12.000 It's on my website.

00:39:14.000 I was wearing mustaches.

00:39:16.000 I was doing accents.

00:39:17.000 We started to infuse what, for me, was my dream of comedy, which was the daily show topics with the Conan O'Brien absurdity.

00:39:26.000 So we would do stuff like Like one of my favorites was when that San Bernardino shooting happened and they were trying to get in that guy's phone, Larry noticed it.

00:39:35.000 Everyone in the news was going, we got to get backdoor access, backdoor access, backdoor access, backdoor access.

00:39:40.000 So we did a bit where I was a backdoor access expert, you know, and it was like just a creepy dude in a basement with like a mustache and like a mesh shirt.

00:39:47.000 And I was like, yeah, baby, you want to get in the back door, Larry?

00:39:49.000 You can't come at it so hard, you know?

00:39:52.000 Those kind of things.

00:39:53.000 So we were talking about real issues and then playing it with like sketch.

00:39:56.000 So it really got funny and good.

00:39:59.000 But I think by the time it got funny and good, Comedy Central was like, ah, we got other problems.

00:40:03.000 Are you happier now just doing stand-up?

00:40:05.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:40:05.000 Now when I ran into you in Denver, which was a fucking fun night. 0.98

00:40:08.000 That was fun, man. 0.99

00:40:09.000 That was a fun night.

00:40:09.000 Rory was there the night that Chappelle showed up at my late show on Friday night.

00:40:14.000 And by the way, I was watching you so psyched because I knew we were going to go out afterwards and have some drinks and chat.

00:40:19.000 And then Chappelle came in.

00:40:21.000 And at the Comedy Cellar in New York, Chappelle comes in a lot.

00:40:23.000 But when he comes into the cellar, it's like, well, he'll be on stage for seven hours, you know what I mean?

00:40:29.000 Really?

00:40:29.000 Oh yeah, he'll go on stage sometimes for like five hours.

00:40:32.000 Five hours?

00:40:33.000 Five hours, yeah.

00:40:35.000 That's regularly?

00:40:36.000 Not regularly, but it happens, to the point where some dude in the back is sweeping up, you know what I mean?

00:40:41.000 That's crazy.

00:40:42.000 Yeah, he's just on stage smoking butts, doing his stuff.

00:40:44.000 So when he first got on stage, I'm like, oh no.

00:40:46.000 I looked at my girlfriend, I go...

00:40:47.000 We're never going out with Joe tonight.

00:40:48.000 I'm like, we're gonna be watching Chappelle till 7 in the morning, you know?

00:40:51.000 But he did, you know, he did his, like, what, 20 minutes or something?

00:40:53.000 It was cool.

00:40:53.000 Yeah, he didn't do that much time.

00:40:54.000 I mean, it was the end of the show, you know, it was late.

00:40:57.000 I guess maybe you would assume that Denver people don't have the stamina that New York City people have.

00:41:01.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:41:02.000 When he does five hours, how many people are still there after five hours?

00:41:05.000 I'm never there, so I couldn't tell you.

00:41:06.000 I have to leave after, like, an hour.

00:41:08.000 Oh, wow.

00:41:09.000 You know, people will stay through the whole thing, but, like, not everybody, you know?

00:41:13.000 It's so weird.

00:41:14.000 Yeah.

00:41:14.000 But he's, I mean, he's, I don't know, I could watch Chappelle forever.

00:41:18.000 Yeah.

00:41:18.000 Like, that guy's at me.

00:41:19.000 He's such a good dude, too.

00:41:20.000 But he definitely, like, I've never really hung out with him.

00:41:22.000 I've talked to him a bunch, but I've never hung out with him.

00:41:24.000 And everyone's like, dude, hanging out with Chappelle's the best.

00:41:26.000 And that night I was like, I don't think he likes me very much.

00:41:28.000 Why is that?

00:41:29.000 I don't know.

00:41:30.000 We were just hanging out.

00:41:31.000 You didn't think he liked to?

00:41:32.000 I just got this time.

00:41:32.000 When we all went out?

00:41:33.000 Yeah, it was one of those things where I'm like, he definitely liked my girlfriend, you know what I mean?

00:41:39.000 Was he talking to her?

00:41:40.000 No, not to you?

00:41:41.000 What do you mean?

00:41:41.000 I just meant he was definitely like, I was like, so, you ever really have that where you can't get a rhythm with someone?

00:41:46.000 I would be talking to him and I'd be like, alright, well, that story's not going to fly.

00:41:51.000 I had that.

00:41:51.000 I couldn't get like...

00:41:53.000 That's weird.

00:41:54.000 That's your perception.

00:41:55.000 That's interesting.

00:41:55.000 But my perception is, generally speaking, that nobody ever likes me.

00:41:58.000 I'm one of those dudes.

00:42:00.000 See, my perception was it was a fun night.

00:42:02.000 Yeah, it was fun.

00:42:03.000 We went bar hop.

00:42:03.000 We went to these...

00:42:04.000 I've been to Denver...

00:42:05.000 That speakeasy was crazy. 0.99

00:42:07.000 ...fucking hundred times. 0.99

00:42:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:07.000 We went to these places that you go down an alleyway, you pass a dumpster, you go through an unmarked door, and we're in this weird secret bar. 0.99

00:42:14.000 And I'm like, what is this bar, man?

00:42:16.000 You know what it reminded me of?

00:42:17.000 It was like that scene in Goodfellas.

00:42:19.000 Where he's like, you want some dresses, Karen?

00:42:21.000 She's like, no, I'm okay, Jimmy!

00:42:23.000 He's like, go down a couple more garage doors, make a left.

00:42:26.000 No, I'm okay, Jimmy!

00:42:27.000 And then she just drives away.

00:42:28.000 That's what it was.

00:42:29.000 Everyone was like, yeah, there's a bar.

00:42:30.000 Just keep going and make a left.

00:42:32.000 We're like, down this alley?

00:42:33.000 Yeah, the hackles in the back of my neck were up. 0.97

00:42:35.000 I'm like, I might have to fucking run. 0.96

00:42:37.000 UFC legend Joe Rogan, or I'm not going to this bar. 0.98

00:42:39.000 I was going to run, dude.

00:42:40.000 You'd be stuck.

00:42:42.000 I'm not thinking of fighting anybody.

00:42:44.000 I'm thinking of running and leaving you guys behind.

00:42:46.000 That's so funny.

00:42:47.000 Yeah, it was cool.

00:42:48.000 That was fun.

00:42:48.000 We got kicked out of two places for smoking weed.

00:42:51.000 Two different places that told us we couldn't smoke weed.

00:42:53.000 Dave will just spark up a joint in a regular place.

00:42:55.000 Dave will just light up a cigarette in a restaurant. 1.00

00:42:57.000 He just doesn't give a shit. 0.99

00:42:59.000 That's a weird thing. 1.00

00:43:02.000 He's missing a I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:43:04.000 He's got a gene, an I don't give a fuck gene. 1.00

00:43:07.000 He's missing a give a fuck. 1.00

00:43:09.000 It's not there. 0.99

00:43:12.000 The best comics to me are the ones who don't give a fuck. 0.98

00:43:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:16.000 And that dude triple doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:43:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:19.000 So that's why he's so good on stage, because he really doesn't give a shit. 0.98

00:43:22.000 We were out till like well after four o'clock in the morning. 0.99

00:43:25.000 In Denver!

00:43:25.000 There was a DJ. Yeah.

00:43:26.000 We went to some place, there was a DJ, and the DJ starts playing, and there's literally 10 of us in this bar.

00:43:34.000 I'm like, how is this place staying open?

00:43:35.000 They were just happy to have Chappelle there.

00:43:37.000 I think Chappelle even went up to the DJ and then plugged in his music.

00:43:42.000 He was like, I got this.

00:43:43.000 Yeah.

00:43:45.000 Yeah, he plugged in his phone.

00:43:46.000 Whatever you say, Mr. Chappelle. 0.99

00:43:47.000 Yeah, it was fucking, it was such a trip. 0.98

00:43:49.000 Well, Dave brings these two huge, they're like, you know those Bluetooth speakers, the JVC Bluetooth speakers? 0.99

00:43:58.000 He's got these big ones.

00:43:59.000 He boomboxes them.

00:44:00.000 Yeah, he brings two of them.

00:44:01.000 They're huge.

00:44:02.000 They're like the size of, bigger than a football, right?

00:44:04.000 So he brings two of them, and they're synced together.

00:44:07.000 So one's left and one's right, and he'll put them on opposite ends of his green room, and Blair music...

00:44:13.000 And I was asking him about it. 0.98

00:44:14.000 I go, why do you carry these fucking things around? 0.99

00:44:15.000 He goes, Joe, my only socializing I do is in green rooms. 0.99

00:44:20.000 It's like the only socializing.

00:44:21.000 That's the only time I hang out with people.

00:44:23.000 I go, what do you do with those?

00:44:24.000 Oh, I'm by myself.

00:44:25.000 I live in Dayton, Ohio. 1.00

00:44:27.000 He lives in the middle of nowhere on a fucking farm. 1.00

00:44:29.000 On a farm. 1.00

00:44:30.000 Yeah.

00:44:31.000 What a cool dude, though.

00:44:32.000 He's hilarious.

00:44:33.000 He's a really unique guy in a lot of ways.

00:44:35.000 He's also just... 0.99

00:44:38.000 It's very impressive to see somebody who's that kind of legendary at stand-up and walk into a place and people are like, oh shit. 0.99

00:44:47.000 Even whatever level comic is like, oh shit, Chappelle's here. 0.98

00:44:51.000 And then him also just be cool. 0.97

00:44:53.000 Like, in other words, he doesn't have to be cool.

00:44:55.000 Yeah, but he's not aloof at all.

00:44:57.000 He's super friendly.

00:44:58.000 Yep.

00:44:59.000 But I think he definitely has like a little bit of a wall up for guys like you.

00:45:02.000 Yeah.

00:45:02.000 That's why when you came up to him, you're like, hey, what's going on, buddy?

00:45:04.000 He's like, oh man, another one.

00:45:06.000 Another dude who wants my phone number. 0.98

00:45:08.000 Let me get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:45:09.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.91

00:45:10.000 And I'm like, I definitely don't want your phone number.

00:45:11.000 We're just going to be getting hammered together tonight.

00:45:13.000 Might as well talk a little bit.

00:45:14.000 Yeah, we pulled it out until like...

00:45:18.000 I left him there.

00:45:19.000 I left him there at like 4.30 or something.

00:45:21.000 Yeah, I left at like 4, 4.30.

00:45:22.000 Yeah, I was like, I gotta go to sleep, man.

00:45:24.000 Because Denver is a fun town.

00:45:26.000 It is.

00:45:26.000 I did a show before.

00:45:29.000 I was there Thursday.

00:45:31.000 I did the show Thursday, and then they did it, because I was showcasing my hour.

00:45:35.000 So they created a show before your show.

00:45:38.000 So I did my hour at like 6 o'clock or something, like early.

00:45:42.000 Like they made an early show, which they had never done, and I was like, I'm like, I gotta showcase for somebody at like 6 o'clock, but man, that Club Comedy Works.

00:45:49.000 The room was full.

00:45:50.000 It was like 6 o'clock. 0.77

00:45:52.000 I killed.

00:45:52.000 I couldn't even believe it.

00:45:53.000 I was like, this is going to be like a lunchtime show.

00:45:54.000 It's going to be brutal.

00:45:55.000 Nope.

00:45:56.000 Filled it up.

00:45:57.000 Everyone came.

00:45:59.000 I've never been more impressed with a comedy club in my life than people being able to pull off a show early and good.

00:46:06.000 And then you had two shows after.

00:46:08.000 You got to meet Wendy, the owner of the Comedy Works?

00:46:11.000 Yeah, she's awesome. 1.00

00:46:12.000 She's the reason why there's a scene in Denver. 0.98

00:46:14.000 I mean, she is the scene.

00:46:16.000 She literally is responsible for that place.

00:46:18.000 That's why I work that club. 0.86

00:46:20.000 The last time I was there, I sold out to Belco, which is like 6,000 people, but I still work her club.

00:46:25.000 It's just like, I can't not support that place.

00:46:28.000 That place is fantastic.

00:46:28.000 It's so important, too, because she brings people up from open-miker to hosting to middling to headlining.

00:46:36.000 She has local headliners.

00:46:37.000 Yeah, she has a farm team. 1.00

00:46:39.000 A real farm team, man.

00:46:40.000 She's really legit, and there's a community in Denver.

00:46:43.000 There's legit professional comics that work in and around Denver.

00:46:47.000 She'll have local headliners headline for the week, and they'll pack the place. 0.99

00:46:50.000 Yeah.

00:46:50.000 She's just got a great system, man.

00:46:52.000 I mean, she's just...

00:46:53.000 Man, she's just really put it together.

00:46:55.000 And they're all top-quality stand-ups.

00:46:57.000 Like, there's no hacks. 0.95

00:46:59.000 There's no bullshit. 1.00

00:47:00.000 She doesn't tolerate thieves or any bullshit. 1.00

00:47:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:47:02.000 Club owners who really curate and pay attention to their club always have the best clubs. 0.99

00:47:06.000 It's just...

00:47:07.000 You know, that's one of the reasons the comedy sellers are so amazing.

00:47:09.000 Like, Esty, who runs it, like, she curates it. 0.89

00:47:12.000 Like, she's not, like...

00:47:13.000 Even if you get past there, that doesn't mean you're working there all the time.

00:47:17.000 She's always got an eye out.

00:47:19.000 You have to be consistently good there to stay.

00:47:22.000 I've seen guys come and go at that place, and that place sometimes will drive a comic crazy, because they're so excited to be in, and then they panic.

00:47:31.000 Should I sit at the table?

00:47:36.000 Every time I come in, they're like three tables further away.

00:47:38.000 I'm like, you're getting further from the table.

00:47:39.000 And then they're at Mahmood's, the falafel place next door.

00:47:42.000 I'm like, you're not going to be working there anymore.

00:47:44.000 That place, you know, drives people a little, can drive you a little crazy because you want to succeed there and you want to be a part of it and you want to be accepted.

00:47:52.000 You know, and my first year or so in that place, I was like that for sure.

00:47:57.000 You know, before I was like, okay, like I'm Well, in the 1980s, there was a bunch of communities all over the country.

00:48:02.000 San Francisco had a community.

00:48:04.000 Boston had a big community.

00:48:05.000 New York, of course, and LA have always had communities.

00:48:08.000 Texas had a community.

00:48:09.000 It was a big community in Houston.

00:48:11.000 It was huge.

00:48:11.000 Austin has always had a community.

00:48:12.000 Yeah, Austin's got a good scene.

00:48:14.000 But, you know, there's been a few things that have happened that are good and bad.

00:48:17.000 The good thing is, like, these improvs have opened up everywhere.

00:48:20.000 And so you get that improv experience everywhere you go.

00:48:23.000 You get these big clubs that are packed.

00:48:25.000 Everyone's super professional.

00:48:26.000 The shows are packed.

00:48:27.000 Everything's great.

00:48:28.000 The food's great.

00:48:29.000 The drinks are great.

00:48:29.000 The service is great.

00:48:31.000 But they don't have that sort of Zany's in Nashville feel.

00:48:35.000 You know what I mean?

00:48:36.000 I just did Zany's Chicago a week ago, and I'm going to Nashville, like, in the spring.

00:48:40.000 Same sort of vibe.

00:48:42.000 Zany's Chicago is, like...

00:48:44.000 Just because it's like an old, gritty club.

00:48:47.000 Headshots everywhere.

00:48:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:48:48.000 Well, the headshots, half the people are dead.

00:48:51.000 You look around, you're like, Richard Jenny.

00:48:52.000 Oh, this guy, that guy.

00:48:54.000 But those clubs, there's a more organic sort of...

00:49:01.000 What's the word?

00:49:01.000 Craft beer sort of feel to them.

00:49:03.000 They feel more authentic in some sort of a weird way.

00:49:07.000 I love working at the improvs, don't get me wrong, but there's something about those improvs that...

00:49:11.000 Houston used to have a big scene.

00:49:14.000 They used to have the laugh stop in River Oaks.

00:49:16.000 Huge scene.

00:49:17.000 Kinison started out there.

00:49:18.000 Bill Hicks was there.

00:49:19.000 All those guys were there.

00:49:20.000 Hicks did one of his early DVDs at the Laugh Stop.

00:49:24.000 And then it became the improv was in town.

00:49:28.000 The Laugh Stop went under, they moved locations, then they went under, and then the improv opened up.

00:49:32.000 And then it was like a headliner club, where Tracy Morgan would be there, or this guy would be there.

00:49:37.000 But it would always be big-name comedians, and that was it.

00:49:40.000 And so the local scene sort of dwindled.

00:49:42.000 I've heard it sort of started making a comeback.

00:49:44.000 But it dwindled.

00:49:45.000 But the, I'm trying to think when you're saying, because I feel like I'm doing, oh no, I'm doing Laugh Out Loud in San Antonio.

00:49:52.000 Oh, I haven't been there.

00:49:53.000 Yeah.

00:49:54.000 So you're touring everywhere now.

00:49:55.000 Yeah, well, yeah, I'm hopefully taping an hour in the spring, so yeah.

00:49:58.000 For who?

00:49:59.000 I don't know if I'm going to like a lot to say or not yet, because it's not official.

00:50:02.000 You can't say it?

00:50:02.000 I don't know.

00:50:03.000 Oh, okay.

00:50:04.000 Don't say it.

00:50:04.000 I know what you're saying.

00:50:06.000 You know how this business works.

00:50:09.000 Until I see it on the thing.

00:50:10.000 I don't believe I have anything until I have it.

00:50:14.000 Until you sign.

00:50:15.000 Once it's taped and I'm sitting at home and I go, everyone turn on, blah, blah, blah.

00:50:21.000 This business always feels like you're one head of a network getting fired away from not having the thing you thought you were going to have.

00:50:27.000 So I always try to be not only superstitious, but it looks like one way or the other I'll be taping my hair in the spring.

00:50:34.000 But yeah, so I'm just on the road.

00:50:36.000 When the nightly show ended...

00:50:38.000 I was bummed.

00:50:39.000 Obviously, I wanted the show to be on for 10 years or 20 for everybody who worked there.

00:50:43.000 But personally speaking, my goal with the nightly show was never to stay there as the executive producer forever.

00:50:48.000 My goal was to launch it, get it going, sort of, you know, teach everyone how to do it because it was the daily show model that we were, you know, and I know how to do that very well.

00:50:56.000 And then my hope was I would just be on the show and like slowly relinquish my authority of like running it to other people so I could work from like noon to three and then just do stand up.

00:51:07.000 That was the goal?

00:51:08.000 A three-hour workday?

00:51:08.000 A three-hour workday and being on television.

00:51:10.000 But that wasn't my goal yet.

00:51:14.000 My goal was to get the show successful before I did that.

00:51:17.000 So when it got cancelled, I was pretty bummed and I was pretty disappointed.

00:51:20.000 I put a lot of time into it, but...

00:51:23.000 You know, for me, it was like, alright, well, I want to go on the road anyway.

00:51:26.000 And I had my whole fall booked, so I didn't really know how I was going to manage both anyway.

00:51:30.000 So I was like, alright, well, there you go.

00:51:31.000 And I got my reel, I got my on-camera reel, which to me is just the thing you need to say.

00:51:36.000 When you're pitching something to somebody, they go, wait, are you going to be in this?

00:51:38.000 Have you ever been on TV? You're like, yeah, no, I've got it.

00:51:40.000 Like, you just need proof of your ability to do it.

00:51:43.000 And I got that.

00:51:44.000 Well, that's the fucked up thing about doing anything on a network, is you have to get someone to agree. 0.92

00:51:49.000 Agree to use you, agree to this, agree to that. 0.94

00:51:51.000 There's all these people that aren't the creative people, but they have the money.

00:51:54.000 And they're the ones you have to talk to about it.

00:51:56.000 You know, well, we've got this idea.

00:51:58.000 Well, let me see your idea.

00:51:59.000 Should I give you money?

00:52:01.000 Maybe I should give you the coveted 8pm slot.

00:52:03.000 Maybe not!

00:52:05.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:52:05.000 Kiss my ass. 1.00

00:52:06.000 Yeah, but that gatekeeper model is dying. 1.00

00:52:09.000 It's over.

00:52:10.000 Yeah, it's over.

00:52:11.000 And all you need now is a room with a camera.

00:52:15.000 I mean, that's literally all you need is the space to film whatever you're filming, the budget to afford cameras, and the ability to stream and upload things.

00:52:23.000 Yeah, you just need a little venture capital.

00:52:25.000 I mean, I just did this thing.

00:52:27.000 You don't even need a venture capital.

00:52:28.000 No, I mean, you just need somebody to give you like a hundred grand, unless you have it.

00:52:31.000 You need a hundred grand?

00:52:32.000 To do what?

00:52:33.000 Well, I'm just saying, depending on what you're looking to shoot, you know?

00:52:35.000 Oh, okay.

00:52:35.000 But I'm saying, if you want, like, a SAG-AFTRA level thing with, like, good camera guys, like...

00:52:39.000 Or you have a bunch of your friends, and you write it, and you use a fucking camera like one of these things. 0.96

00:52:43.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:52:43.000 Then you don't need anything. 0.98

00:52:44.000 I just feel like this is a strange time when it comes to that stuff.

00:52:47.000 Yeah.

00:52:48.000 Like, there's a lot of people that are still treating it as if it's, like, you're filming some movie.

00:52:52.000 Well, they're...

00:52:53.000 Or some television show with a big budget.

00:52:55.000 I also find, too, the digital spaces now are being taken over by the old guard.

00:52:59.000 Oh, really?

00:53:00.000 In other words, all of a sudden, you want to pitch something to CISO. Right.

00:53:04.000 It's like, well, it's a branch of NBC, so NBC... Yeah, it is NBC. NBC Business Affairs has to get...

00:53:10.000 And you're like, well, now I'm right back to where I started.

00:53:13.000 Why weren't I just pitching this to NBC? Yeah.

00:53:15.000 But they're doing a lot of stand-up specials.

00:53:17.000 Yeah, they are.

00:53:17.000 Stand-up specials for guys like Stan Hope and Joey Diaz and people that are...

00:53:22.000 Who else just did one recently?

00:53:23.000 Someone was just on that had a CISO special. 0.99

00:53:25.000 Who the fuck was it? 0.99

00:53:26.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:53:27.000 God damn it, Jamie. 0.99

00:53:30.000 Somebody had one. 0.99

00:53:32.000 Jesus Christ, I can't remember.

00:53:33.000 That's too fast.

00:53:35.000 Alright, whatever.

00:53:35.000 There's too many people.

00:53:37.000 Yeah, there's a lot of comics.

00:53:37.000 But they're doing a lot of good stand-up comedy specials on CISO. Yeah, that's great.

00:53:41.000 And it's great that that exists.

00:53:42.000 Nick DiPaolo?

00:53:42.000 Nick DiPaolo, that's right.

00:53:43.000 I love Nick DiPaolo.

00:53:45.000 Glad I remember that.

00:53:46.000 Yeah, Nick's just came out on CISO. And CISO, you know, I mean, it is a branch of NBC, but they're uncensored, and they're doing great stuff, you know?

00:53:55.000 I just think that...

00:53:57.000 Well, here's a crazy statistic that I just read yesterday.

00:54:00.000 Ready for this?

00:54:00.000 Netflix takes up one-third of the bandwidth of the United States of America.

00:54:06.000 One-third.

00:54:07.000 Of all of the internet bandwidth?

00:54:09.000 One-third of the bandwidth that's being used in the United States of America is through Netflix.

00:54:14.000 Wow.

00:54:15.000 Wow. 1.00

00:54:16.000 Holy shit! 1.00

00:54:17.000 That's insane! 1.00

00:54:19.000 That's so crazy.

00:54:20.000 What's the other third?

00:54:21.000 Like Pornhub?

00:54:22.000 It's all two thirds porn.

00:54:23.000 Yeah.

00:54:23.000 And there's like one Buzzfeed.

00:54:25.000 Is Buzzfeed dead?

00:54:26.000 Is that the one that got killed by Hulk Hogan?

00:54:28.000 No, that's Gawker.

00:54:29.000 Gawker.

00:54:29.000 Okay, Gawker.

00:54:30.000 Gawker's dead.

00:54:31.000 Killed by Hulk Hogan.

00:54:33.000 I forget which one, which one of those salacious sites.

00:54:36.000 That's so funny.

00:54:36.000 Yeah, well, that's it.

00:54:37.000 I mean, it's like those sites.

00:54:38.000 Like TMZ is probably like one-eighth.

00:54:40.000 Yeah.

00:54:41.000 TMZ, man.

00:54:42.000 Juggernauts.

00:54:42.000 Yeah, all those little news stations and, you know, YouTube's probably a big chunk, too.

00:54:47.000 Facebook, too.

00:54:47.000 People love Facebook, man.

00:54:49.000 A third, man.

00:54:50.000 A third of the internet.

00:54:52.000 That's nuts.

00:54:52.000 Yeah.

00:54:52.000 That's nuts.

00:54:53.000 Like, if you looked at a pie of the internet, one-third is Netflix.

00:54:56.000 That's crazy.

00:54:57.000 But a lot of it's got to be because you're streaming video.

00:54:59.000 In other words, that takes up a lot of bandwidth.

00:55:01.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:02.000 So it's not necessarily that many people are using Netflix.

00:55:04.000 It's just that the stuff that they're using on Netflix is that...

00:55:07.000 Yeah.

00:55:07.000 Is that thick?

00:55:08.000 For sure.

00:55:09.000 It's definitely both.

00:55:10.000 I mean, it's definitely a lot of people, but it is definitely, I mean, it's growing constantly. 0.97

00:55:14.000 Netflix is a goddamn snowball rolling down the mountainside. 0.90

00:55:16.000 Netflix has completely revolutionized and reinvigorated this whole entertainment industry. 0.98

00:55:21.000 I mean, I went and met with those guys while I was out here, because I've been out here for like a month, and, uh, You want to talk about the difference of, you take a meeting at, like, a Viacom-type place versus, like, a Netflix-type place.

00:55:32.000 Like, Netflix, it's like, they just moved into a new office building.

00:55:35.000 Like, they're like, you want water?

00:55:36.000 You're like, sure.

00:55:36.000 You go in the back, it's like, what kind of water do you want?

00:55:39.000 They've got, like, snacks everywhere.

00:55:40.000 Like, people are, like, pogo-sticking around. 1.00

00:55:42.000 Like, everyone's so happy, you know?

00:55:44.000 It's like the building is new.

00:55:46.000 There's like a valet in front.

00:55:47.000 He's like, free of charge.

00:55:48.000 I'll park your car.

00:55:49.000 I'm like, thank you, Mr. Netflix.

00:55:50.000 Everything about it is so nice.

00:55:53.000 Everybody's so nice.

00:55:54.000 Everybody's in a good mood.

00:55:56.000 I went up to MTV for a meeting.

00:55:57.000 They were like, get us.

00:55:58.000 Help us.

00:55:59.000 Help us.

00:55:59.000 We're dying.

00:56:01.000 We don't know what to do.

00:56:03.000 They have $9 a month is what it costs, right?

00:56:07.000 And how many millions of people do they have on Netflix now?

00:56:10.000 I heard something.

00:56:11.000 93 million people today is what I heard on the way in here.

00:56:15.000 So, 93 million people.

00:56:17.000 What is that, right?

00:56:18.000 What is that mathematically?

00:56:20.000 It's close to 900 million a month.

00:56:21.000 Yeah, it's close to a billion dollars a month.

00:56:24.000 It's in the neighborhood.

00:56:25.000 It's closing in on a billion dollars a month.

00:56:27.000 A month.

00:56:28.000 That's nuts, dude.

00:56:29.000 That's hilarious.

00:56:31.000 That's nuts.

00:56:31.000 That's just printing money.

00:56:33.000 I did my first comedy special on Netflix in 2005. That was my very first special.

00:56:39.000 It was on Netflix.

00:56:40.000 Getting a comedy special on Netflix now is near impossible.

00:56:43.000 Is it?

00:56:43.000 Because of the Chappelle and Chris Rock and they, you know...

00:56:45.000 I just did one.

00:56:46.000 Yeah, but I'm saying, but you're famous.

00:56:48.000 But I mean, I think they're doing something.

00:56:52.000 I mean...

00:56:53.000 But they buy some, too.

00:56:55.000 If you do one and then you could sell it to them.

00:56:57.000 They bought Tony Hinchcliffe's last year.

00:56:59.000 I know, but now it's harder now.

00:57:02.000 It's a bit harder now.

00:57:03.000 I wonder why.

00:57:04.000 Again, for me, I think you probably have to have a bigger name.

00:57:09.000 Here's a trailer for the new Will Smith movie Netflix reportedly paid $90 million for. 1.00

00:57:13.000 Run that shit. 1.00

00:57:13.000 Let's see it. 1.00

00:57:14.000 Can we play it?

00:57:15.000 No, we can't play it.

00:57:16.000 What'll happen?

00:57:17.000 They'll kick us off?

00:57:18.000 They'll kick us off.

00:57:19.000 You can watch it.

00:57:19.000 Will it kick us off YouTube?

00:57:21.000 Yeah, because it's their trailer.

00:57:22.000 They just put it up.

00:57:23.000 Can I call somebody?

00:57:25.000 Come on, guys.

00:57:25.000 I'm one of you.

00:57:26.000 I'm trying to hook you guys up.

00:57:27.000 But he has a sword.

00:57:29.000 But I'm trying to hook them up.

00:57:30.000 That's exciting.

00:57:31.000 This seems like a movie you'd like, Joe.

00:57:32.000 I like all Will Smith's movies, except for the one where he's the homeless guy with his son.

00:57:36.000 I couldn't watch that.

00:57:37.000 What about the Scientology one with his son?

00:57:41.000 What was that one?

00:57:42.000 He has a Scientology movie?

00:57:44.000 Yeah, it's an L. Ron Hubbard book.

00:57:46.000 Come on.

00:57:47.000 No, no, no, no.

00:57:48.000 It's like a space.

00:57:49.000 Him and his son are stuck on a planet.

00:57:50.000 Oh, it just came out.

00:57:51.000 That's L. Ron Hubbard's movie?

00:57:53.000 Remember when Travolta did...

00:57:56.000 Battleship Earth.

00:57:58.000 And he's like, the human animals!

00:58:01.000 That's also an L. Ron Hubbard book.

00:58:03.000 So we're watching this right now.

00:58:06.000 Will Smith.

00:58:08.000 He plays a cop in L.A. and there's orcs.

00:58:10.000 It's like futuristic.

00:58:11.000 Oh, wow.

00:58:13.000 This looks dope.

00:58:14.000 There's got a sword in the future?

00:58:16.000 There's orcs?

00:58:16.000 That's an orc?

00:58:17.000 Whoa.

00:58:20.000 David Ayer directed it, the guy that did Suicide Squad and Training Day.

00:58:23.000 Ooh, this looks good.

00:58:24.000 When is that coming out?

00:58:26.000 December. 0.97

00:58:26.000 Goddammit, why you make me wait to December? 0.97

00:58:28.000 December's a year from now, you fucks. 1.00

00:58:30.000 It's goddamn February. 1.00

00:58:31.000 That's not cool. 1.00

00:58:32.000 This is bullshit. 0.99

00:58:34.000 Yeah, he said, Will Smith said he always, sci-fi was always the... 0.99

00:58:38.000 Genre he liked to do because those were the highest grossing movies every time.

00:58:42.000 I Am Legend?

00:58:43.000 Yeah.

00:58:43.000 I Am Legend's a great flick.

00:58:45.000 It's a great flick.

00:58:45.000 Anytime it's a dude and like a German Shepherd alone, I'm like, this is good.

00:58:49.000 I think they should go over I Am Legend though and redo some of those scenes.

00:58:53.000 Like the ones with the lions in New York City. 0.98

00:58:55.000 Like, come on, those lions look so fucking fake. 0.99

00:58:57.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:58:58.000 Well, you know, the CGI wasn't where it needed to be.

00:59:00.000 I know.

00:59:00.000 Redo it.

00:59:01.000 Just redo it and don't tell anybody.

00:59:02.000 After Earth.

00:59:03.000 After Earth?

00:59:04.000 I'm pretty sure After Earth is an L. Ron Hubbard book.

00:59:06.000 Is that him and his son?

00:59:07.000 Is that the deal?

00:59:08.000 Yeah.

00:59:08.000 And that's Jaden.

00:59:09.000 Okay. 0.77

00:59:11.000 Jaden seems completely insane.

00:59:13.000 I don't think it's good to grow up famous.

00:59:15.000 Willow Smith has a new song that's out that I'm not going to like.

00:59:18.000 It's a good tune.

00:59:19.000 Well, that's not good.

00:59:21.000 How old is she? 0.98

00:59:23.000 For sure, don't release your kids music until they're 21. It's a Shyamalan flick?

00:59:27.000 Yeah.

00:59:28.000 Who wrote the movie?

00:59:29.000 It's a Shyamalan flick and it wasn't good?

00:59:30.000 Directed and wrote by a Shyamalan.

00:59:32.000 Oh, okay.

00:59:33.000 Same thing. 1.00

00:59:34.000 They're both fucking hooksters. 1.00

00:59:38.000 Here's the twist on this one. 1.00

00:59:39.000 It wasn't good. 0.99

00:59:41.000 M. Night Shyamalan made one good movie and then fucked us all repeatedly. 0.98

00:59:47.000 And they can't stop giving him movies to me. 0.99

00:59:50.000 How many fucking chances do you get? 0.98

00:59:52.000 How is the new one supposed to be? 1.00

00:59:54.000 Split personality one?

00:59:55.000 Is it supposed to be any good?

00:59:57.000 Pretty good?

00:59:57.000 Did you see it?

00:59:58.000 Yeah.

00:59:58.000 Okay.

00:59:59.000 Did you see the one where Marky Mark gets chased by the wind?

01:00:02.000 I think it was plants that were trying to kill him.

01:00:04.000 I thought it was the wind.

01:00:05.000 Might be both.

01:00:06.000 That's one of the greatest bad movies I've ever seen in my life.

01:00:09.000 It's just Mark Wahlberg running around. 0.99

01:00:11.000 He's like, get in the fucking house. 1.00

01:00:13.000 Get in the fucking house. 1.00

01:00:14.000 The wind's trying to kill us here. 1.00

01:00:16.000 He looks like a branch blows. 1.00

01:00:18.000 He's like, get in the fucking wind. 1.00

01:00:20.000 There's a guy in that movie who runs himself over with his own lawnmower. 0.99

01:00:24.000 He's mowing his lawn and then they cut away and they look back and he's under the lawnmower.

01:00:28.000 So the wind got him?

01:00:29.000 I guess.

01:00:30.000 So the wind's targeting individuals. 0.97

01:00:31.000 The wind wants you to kill yourself, I think is what it is. 0.94

01:00:34.000 It's unbelievably bad. 1.00

01:00:35.000 That's right. 0.98

01:00:35.000 Nature wanted you to kill yourself, right? 0.98

01:00:36.000 There was like a smell that it was putting out or something like that.

01:00:39.000 I don't know.

01:00:39.000 All I know is there's a scene where he's running in a field and he's panicking and the only thing that's happening is grass is blowing.

01:00:45.000 Meanwhile, if nature wanted to, have you ever seen some of those giant storm clouds that they photograph over the, like, Kansas cornfields and shit that are as big as cities? 0.93

01:00:54.000 Yep. 0.97

01:00:54.000 And these, like, why wouldn't nature just do that thing that it already does? 0.97

01:00:58.000 Why does it have to do something where it targets lawnmowers, makes them run over assholes? 1.00

01:01:04.000 It's just so stupid. 1.00

01:01:06.000 People are always trying to find some new hook. 1.00

01:01:09.000 Like the village where these people, they think that it's 1612, but it's really 2015. And they're living in the middle of a place where they're not allowed to fly planes.

01:01:19.000 Like, what?

01:01:20.000 They can't fly planes over this area.

01:01:22.000 There's a no-fly zone.

01:01:23.000 That's why this works.

01:01:25.000 That's why it works. 0.99

01:01:26.000 How big is this fucking no-fly zone? 1.00

01:01:28.000 Because I don't know if you know this, but planes fly everywhere, you cunts. 0.99

01:01:31.000 Yeah, and even if they're outside the zone, you probably still hear one. 1.00

01:01:34.000 Yeah, but here's the stupid thing. 0.98

01:01:35.000 They walk, and in a short amount of time, they're at a road, and then cars drive by. 0.99

01:01:40.000 Remember that?

01:01:40.000 I don't think I ever saw the village.

01:01:42.000 You should say it. 0.99

01:01:43.000 It's fucking terrible. 0.99

01:01:44.000 I was taking a break from Shyamalan for a while. 0.99

01:01:46.000 I took a little Shyamalan hiatus.

01:01:49.000 Remember he did Devil, the one about a haunted elevator?

01:01:53.000 He did that?

01:01:54.000 Yeah, it was him.

01:01:55.000 He can't stop.

01:01:56.000 Haunted Elevator.

01:01:57.000 I mean, you know what you should do?

01:02:02.000 Jordan Peele's horror movie is supposed to be incredible.

01:02:05.000 I haven't seen it yet.

01:02:06.000 I feel like Shyamalan should try doing a comedy.

01:02:08.000 You know what I mean?

01:02:09.000 Why not?

01:02:09.000 Mix it up.

01:02:10.000 Try taking a nap.

01:02:12.000 Just break.

01:02:13.000 Take a break.

01:02:13.000 He made one good movie.

01:02:14.000 That Sixth Sense was a good movie.

01:02:15.000 That movie was good, though.

01:02:16.000 That's a very good movie.

01:02:17.000 Sixth Sense is a good movie.

01:02:18.000 But often that happens with people. 0.99

01:02:19.000 Like, how many bands have come out with one great album, and then their follow-up is dog shit? 0.99

01:02:24.000 Most. 0.99

01:02:24.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:02:25.000 Statistically, I would say most bands.

01:02:27.000 Comedians do the same thing.

01:02:28.000 Some comics have one great special, and then they, like, I'm a huge Kinison fan, but I always point out to him, he's the best example of a guy who came out of the gate, like, with the greatest of all time, or one of the greatest of all time.

01:02:41.000 I think Pryor's the greatest of all time.

01:02:42.000 But Kinison's right up there, like, number two.

01:02:45.000 It's funny, because people don't bring him up in those conversations enough.

01:02:47.000 Yeah, I'm saying, when you have the who's the best conversation about stand-up, Kinison's name isn't even, like...

01:02:53.000 Yeah, they go with Carlin, and all due respect, I just don't think they're comparable.

01:02:57.000 Carlin is a great comic, and his body of work is fantastic, and he just did a new hour every year for decades, but he had a lot of duds.

01:03:06.000 The later years were tough.

01:03:09.000 I'm a big Carlin fan, but his later specials were a lot less...

01:03:15.000 He was a lot less charming, and he was doing a lot more like, we're all gonna die.

01:03:19.000 I was like, well, you are.

01:03:20.000 Yeah, well, you're definitely dying, dude.

01:03:22.000 You're older.

01:03:22.000 I've been watching you for years, and it doesn't look up.

01:03:25.000 But I love to, I mean, jamming in New York to me is one of the best hours of all time.

01:03:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:29.000 No, he's got fantastic work, don't get me wrong, but it's not as funny as Kinnison's best work.

01:03:35.000 Kinnison's best work, when he was doing that bit about the homosexual necrophiliacs that were paying money to spend a few hours undisturbed with the freshest male corpses... 0.99

01:03:44.000 Can you imagine that?

01:03:45.000 You're lying down.

01:03:47.000 You're like, well, I'm dead now.

01:03:48.000 I'm gonna go meet Jesus.

01:03:50.000 Hey! 1.00

01:03:51.000 What the fuck is this? 1.00

01:03:53.000 It feels like some guy's got his dick in my ass! 1.00

01:03:56.000 You mean life keeps fucking the ass even after you're dead? 1.00

01:03:59.000 It never ends! 1.00

01:04:00.000 It never ends!

01:04:01.000 Oh! 0.60

01:04:02.000 Ah! 0.91

01:04:02.000 He was fat and the whole thing about him was like he wore an overcoat and he had a beret with a comb over. 0.91

01:04:10.000 The whole thing was chaos. 0.93

01:04:13.000 He was something that never existed before.

01:04:15.000 I actually think Jammin in New York is dedicated to Sam Kinison.

01:04:17.000 Wow.

01:04:19.000 Look, Carlin's an all-time great.

01:04:21.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:04:22.000 If there's a top ten, he's in there.

01:04:24.000 I think these days Burr's up there, too.

01:04:27.000 His recent specials have been...

01:04:30.000 He's doing stuff in some of his specials where I'm like, I can't even believe you can do that.

01:04:35.000 You people are all the same where he does the thing about hitting women.

01:04:38.000 And you're like, how is he going to stick this landing?

01:04:41.000 It's like 2,500 people pull back.

01:04:44.000 He goes, I feel you pulling away. 1.00

01:04:45.000 And you're like, holy shit. 0.99

01:04:47.000 You know what I love? 0.99

01:04:47.000 The one he does about Arnold Schwarzenegger. 0.99

01:04:49.000 A great man!

01:04:50.000 He's a great man!

01:04:51.000 Gold digging horse!

01:04:53.000 Took down a great man!

01:04:54.000 That's the same hour.

01:04:57.000 That's the same hour, yeah.

01:04:59.000 Yeah.

01:05:00.000 There's a lot of great comedy going on right now, man.

01:05:02.000 There is.

01:05:02.000 For sure.

01:05:03.000 There is.

01:05:03.000 For sure.

01:05:03.000 Yeah.

01:05:04.000 It's a fun time.

01:05:05.000 It is a fun time.

01:05:06.000 Are you living in New York?

01:05:07.000 Yeah, I'm living there.

01:05:08.000 I mean, I've been out here for a month.

01:05:09.000 I got cast in this little, like, digital series thing.

01:05:12.000 What's a digital series?

01:05:13.000 Like, what is it?

01:05:13.000 It's like a 10-episode little sci-fi comedy thing that I got cast in that I didn't even audition for.

01:05:18.000 I think they just saw my nightly show reel, and they're like, we need someone to play a douchey guy.

01:05:21.000 I'm like, I'm your guy, you know?

01:05:23.000 A sci-fi comedy?

01:05:24.000 It's like a weird sci-fi comedy.

01:05:25.000 What's it called?

01:05:26.000 It's called Stellar People.

01:05:27.000 It's like a dinner.

01:05:28.000 I mean, it's like a dinner.

01:05:29.000 I just finished it.

01:05:30.000 It was really fun, though, because I've never done single-camera acting before, which is a different kind of thing.

01:05:35.000 Oh, that's a lot of work.

01:05:36.000 But it's a lot of, like, there's a dude five inches from your face, and they're like, don't look at him.

01:05:40.000 I'm like, but I want to.

01:05:41.000 He's right in my face.

01:05:42.000 I'm not, like, professionally trained.

01:05:44.000 They're like, look over there.

01:05:45.000 I'm like, but you're right there, you know?

01:05:47.000 The lens, it's so close.

01:05:48.000 Is it long ass to hours and long days?

01:05:50.000 Yeah, because it was super low budget, but it was a SAG thing, and it was, yeah, we were shooting like 11 pages a day.

01:05:56.000 Like, it was, but the dudes shooting it were so sharp.

01:05:58.000 They were so good.

01:05:59.000 And they were young.

01:06:00.000 I didn't realize until the wrap party how young they were.

01:06:02.000 We were at the wrap party the other night.

01:06:04.000 I'm like, how long you guys been doing this?

01:06:05.000 They're like, oh, we got a feature coming out.

01:06:06.000 I'm like, oh, cool.

01:06:07.000 How old are you guys?

01:06:07.000 26?

01:06:08.000 I was like, shit! 1.00

01:06:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:09.000 And it kind of made me, I was inspired. 1.00

01:06:11.000 I was like, couldn't you guys just be with me all the time?

01:06:14.000 Because you're 26, and you're funny, and you're talented, and you know how to shoot and edit, and everything they shoot looks good, and they still have energy.

01:06:21.000 And also, ten years ago, they were in high school.

01:06:22.000 Yeah.

01:06:22.000 So, like, ten years ago, this whole thing was kicking off, you know?

01:06:25.000 Ten years ago, you're looking at 2007. That was, like, really the launch of the digital space.

01:06:30.000 You know, like I said, my Netflix special was in 2005. Nobody had Netflix in 2005, and it was looked at as, like, a joke.

01:06:37.000 Yep.

01:06:37.000 And that's sort of where 2006, 2007, things started ramping up, and then digital became more and more of a big deal.

01:06:43.000 I remember people, there was, NBC had a different thing before CISO that they were doing.

01:06:49.000 Goddammit, what was the name of it?

01:06:50.000 There was another name.

01:06:51.000 We had actually a deal with them.

01:06:53.000 Did they have Burly Bear?

01:06:54.000 That was like a college thing they had years ago.

01:06:56.000 No, no, it was Crackle.

01:06:58.000 Oh yeah, Crackle.

01:06:59.000 Because Crackle's still around, isn't it?

01:07:01.000 Is it?

01:07:01.000 I don't know if it's NBC anymore.

01:07:03.000 Sometimes I see Crackle come up on things.

01:07:05.000 I don't know.

01:07:06.000 Maybe?

01:07:06.000 Yeah.

01:07:07.000 Maybe?

01:07:07.000 Crackle.

01:07:08.000 I remember Crackle. 0.98

01:07:08.000 But we had a deal with them, but a bunch of shit fell through and they wanted to just give me money for nothing. 0.98

01:07:13.000 That's good. 0.98

01:07:14.000 Yeah, nothing happened.

01:07:15.000 It was one of those weird things where like...

01:07:17.000 Nothing happened.

01:07:17.000 But you got paid.

01:07:18.000 But still gave me money.

01:07:19.000 I'm like, okay.

01:07:20.000 That's pretty cool.

01:07:20.000 Alright.

01:07:21.000 I could go for one of those.

01:07:22.000 Crankle, if you're out there.

01:07:24.000 Yeah, it was like an interview show we were going to do.

01:07:26.000 It was like similar to like a podcast, but like in weird locations, just sitting down with people.

01:07:31.000 Which, by the way, is not the best move.

01:07:33.000 Like, the best move is have like a place like this, where it's like quiet, and you just sit down and talk.

01:07:38.000 But everybody wants like, how about we do it in a park?

01:07:41.000 People feel weird in a park.

01:07:42.000 And that there's birds chirping and like vans blowing up. 1.00

01:07:45.000 Yeah, fucking gangbangers. 1.00

01:07:45.000 Fucking drive-by in the background. 1.00

01:07:47.000 Sirens. 1.00

01:07:49.000 Joggers and shit. 0.99

01:07:50.000 I remember I did a show with Neil Brennan for Sundance a couple years ago, and they had never done a show. 0.99

01:07:57.000 It was a studio show, but they wanted to shoot it in a loft.

01:08:02.000 And I was like, well...

01:08:04.000 We could get a studio and then make it look like a loft, and that way it's soundproof.

01:08:08.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:08:08.000 They're like, oh, but we really want it to feel like a loft.

01:08:10.000 I'm like, you know, the Friends, they weren't really in a loft, right?

01:08:13.000 That was like a, like, but...

01:08:14.000 No, no, no, no, no, bro, I saw it.

01:08:15.000 They were so desperate for, like, it to feel, and I was like, you're going to have the loudest, most unshootable show if you go find a loft in Soho, and you just wire it with lights.

01:08:25.000 So we ended up getting a studio.

01:08:27.000 But it's like, that's a bad instinct.

01:08:29.000 Doing stuff, like, in an outside of a professional area.

01:08:32.000 Someone said to me, let's do a podcast at Starbucks.

01:08:34.000 How about you just know?

01:08:36.000 How about we just get Starbucks and go to a studio?

01:08:39.000 Why would you want to go to Starbucks?

01:08:40.000 So you want to take the chance at people next to you having arguments with their agent on the phone or screaming at their dog walker or whatever.

01:08:47.000 You can't find Fluffy!

01:08:49.000 That's all going to be on your podcast.

01:08:51.000 Is that cool?

01:08:52.000 You don't have the best conversations in public places like that.

01:08:55.000 That's not a good move.

01:08:56.000 But everybody wants to do something crafty and creative and different, you know?

01:09:00.000 Yeah, I mean, I always think, I find that, too, with stand-ups, a lot of times, younger stand-ups will say, like, I'm really trying to be outside the box.

01:09:07.000 I'm like, get a box. 0.99

01:09:08.000 First have a fucking box. 1.00

01:09:09.000 Like, you need a box first. 1.00

01:09:10.000 You know, like, Jackson Pollock knew how to paint the bowl of fruit.

01:09:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:09:13.000 Did he, though?

01:09:14.000 I think he did.

01:09:14.000 I don't know if he did.

01:09:15.000 Like, in other words, you gotta, like, start with some sort of basic skill set before you're like, now let's, you know, like, start a podcast.

01:09:22.000 You hit a sore spot with me, buddy.

01:09:23.000 Really?

01:09:24.000 You're not a Jackson Pollock fan?

01:09:25.000 Nope.

01:09:25.000 Yeah, I'm not saying I'm a fan of his.

01:09:28.000 I'm just saying He was a painter before he started splattering shit. 0.96

01:09:32.000 Well, I watched that movie, the Ed Harris movie, and I was like, okay, well, there's nothing exceptional here going on. 0.98

01:09:38.000 Like, this guy's throwing paint around, and I'm watching a movie about a guy throwing paint around, and he's got some trials and tribulations.

01:09:44.000 Yeah, I get it, but I'm not...

01:09:46.000 I mean, it's not the worst looking art.

01:09:48.000 It's kind of cool to have, like, in the lobby of a hotel or something.

01:09:51.000 It's kind of.

01:09:52.000 I'm not a fan of it, personally.

01:09:54.000 Couldn't you buy, like, if you bought a Jackson Pollock, you're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars, correct?

01:09:58.000 No, I think probably millions of dollars.

01:09:59.000 Millions?

01:09:59.000 That would be my guess.

01:10:00.000 Millions?

01:10:00.000 Millions.

01:10:01.000 Millions.

01:10:01.000 If I know the artist's name, it has to be worth millions of dollars.

01:10:04.000 Okay, here we go.

01:10:05.000 Oh, yeah, here we go. 1.00

01:10:05.000 How about fuck you? 1.00

01:10:08.000 How about fuck you for every one of these? 1.00

01:10:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:10.000 Like, if you have to pay a million dollars for every one of these, click on that one where your cursor is right there, Jamie. 1.00

01:10:16.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:10:17.000 This is chaos. 1.00

01:10:18.000 You could go to the Jackson Pollock house.

01:10:20.000 It's out in East Hampton.

01:10:21.000 And my nephews went.

01:10:23.000 The Jackson Pollock house?

01:10:24.000 It's the house he painted.

01:10:25.000 It's like a museum now.

01:10:26.000 But for little kids, you can paint the Jackson Pollock.

01:10:29.000 And my nephew did one.

01:10:31.000 And it looks exactly like it.

01:10:33.000 Probably looks better.

01:10:33.000 And he was five.

01:10:34.000 And he did it.

01:10:35.000 I went to my old agent's house.

01:10:37.000 My old agent had this beautiful house in Aspen.

01:10:40.000 And he had this thing on his wall.

01:10:42.000 And I go, is this something your kid did?

01:10:45.000 And someone goes, no, that's a blah, blah, blah.

01:10:48.000 I go, what are you talking about?

01:10:50.000 And they're like, do you know anything about modern art?

01:10:52.000 I go, no.

01:10:53.000 And I go, what is this?

01:10:54.000 And the guy explained it to me that that was probably like a $35,000 painting. 0.99

01:10:58.000 I go, get the fuck out of here. 0.54

01:11:00.000 I mean, it was literally like 12 by 14. It looked like a little kid's first grade class project. 0.99

01:11:05.000 So I thought, like, oh, this is cute.

01:11:07.000 He puts up his kid's artwork.

01:11:08.000 In a nice frame, yeah.

01:11:09.000 Yeah, it was like some tissue paper that was glued to some other paper and some paint splattered on it.

01:11:14.000 Yeah.

01:11:16.000 Go back to that.

01:11:17.000 Let's look more of that.

01:11:18.000 Just fascinating to me.

01:11:20.000 And people get so upset if you don't like what they like.

01:11:25.000 I've talked about Jackson Pollock before, and you get these Jackson Pollock fans and believers, and they're like, you don't understand the layers of paint and the way his vision was manifested onto the canvas.

01:11:41.000 That sounds like the aliens from Galaxy Quest.

01:11:43.000 That's actually kind of cool.

01:11:44.000 I'll give them $500 for that.

01:11:46.000 Yeah, I mean, again, I'm not a fan of it, but I try as hard as I can with stuff, especially now, to go.

01:11:52.000 You know what that looks like?

01:11:53.000 People like what they like.

01:11:54.000 I don't know.

01:11:54.000 When a dude goes to the hospital and they find that he has, like, intestinal worms, and they pull them all out onto the operating table, that's what it looks like.

01:12:00.000 Those are, like, white intestinal worms.

01:12:02.000 That is actually a cool painting.

01:12:03.000 Now I'm trying to change my opinion here, because that one is actually kind of cool.

01:12:06.000 What about that one up above it, the green one?

01:12:08.000 What is that one?

01:12:09.000 To the right.

01:12:10.000 To the right.

01:12:10.000 No, right above it, Jamie.

01:12:12.000 Yeah, that one.

01:12:12.000 That looks like a painting.

01:12:14.000 Yeah.

01:12:14.000 What is that?

01:12:15.000 That's a Jackson Pollock, too?

01:12:16.000 I'd be pissed.

01:12:17.000 People are like, what is that?

01:12:18.000 It's a Pollock.

01:12:18.000 No, it's not.

01:12:19.000 It's not even splattery.

01:12:20.000 No, no, no.

01:12:21.000 It is.

01:12:22.000 But that one looks like he was splatting something.

01:12:25.000 Yeah, that was like...

01:12:26.000 That one I like.

01:12:27.000 He was on different pills.

01:12:29.000 Look at him.

01:12:29.000 Weird-looking guy.

01:12:31.000 He's a weird-looking guy, too.

01:12:33.000 I bet he...

01:12:33.000 She-Wolf.

01:12:34.000 That's the one I like.

01:12:35.000 It's called She-Wolf? 0.99

01:12:36.000 That's what it's called?

01:12:36.000 Is that a wolf?

01:12:37.000 I guess there's teeth in the tongue down the lower left-hand corner.

01:12:40.000 I bet he banged a lot of confused older ladies with money. 1.00

01:12:43.000 You think older?

01:12:44.000 Yeah.

01:12:45.000 I feel like...

01:12:45.000 Yeah, probably.

01:12:47.000 Yeah.

01:12:47.000 But I think younger, too.

01:12:48.000 Younger, too? 1.00

01:12:48.000 I think there was like a lot of 50-year-old hot ladies that would buy his paintings, he'd fuck them in the butt. 1.00

01:12:54.000 That's what I would think happens. 1.00

01:12:55.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:12:56.000 He may have done some 50-year-old butt-fucking. 0.99

01:12:58.000 I mean, he may have. 0.99

01:12:59.000 I don't know that much.

01:12:59.000 Was that in the movie?

01:13:00.000 I didn't watch the movie.

01:13:01.000 No. 0.99

01:13:02.000 Ed Harris was like, I'm not going to do any of the butt-fucking. 0.99

01:13:04.000 Look at that. 0.99

01:13:06.000 $140 million.

01:13:07.000 I told you.

01:13:07.000 The intestinal worms one.

01:13:10.000 $140 million.

01:13:10.000 How much does She-Wolf go for?

01:13:12.000 He made that in 1948. Wow.

01:13:15.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:13:17.000 Doesn't it say? 1.00

01:13:18.000 Wow.

01:13:19.000 What year is that, She-Wolf?

01:13:20.000 43. Jesus Christ.

01:13:22.000 Yeah.

01:13:23.000 That is really interesting, though, because back then, you know, you're talking about a completely different time.

01:13:29.000 This is World War II. Yeah, I mean, that's worth to think about.

01:13:33.000 Like, dudes are, like, jumping out of planes in Germany, and he's, like, splatting painting in the Hamptons, you know?

01:13:38.000 Making cash!

01:13:40.000 Yeah, and banging war widows, you know?

01:13:43.000 No, he's banging divorcees of heads of industry. 0.99

01:13:47.000 Yeah.

01:13:48.000 Now, like, the amount of money that you would have to have to spend $140 million on some splattery paint.

01:13:55.000 Yeah, you have to have Netflix money.

01:13:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:13:58.000 You have to make it a billion a month.

01:13:59.000 The Netflix executive, the head guy, is probably putting one up right now in his house.

01:14:04.000 You think he's putting it up or his painting hanger is putting it up?

01:14:08.000 He's got painting hangers for sure.

01:14:10.000 Yeah.

01:14:10.000 Yeah, definitely.

01:14:11.000 He's probably got white maids. 1.00

01:14:14.000 Now that's money.

01:14:15.000 That's real money.

01:14:17.000 Real cash.

01:14:18.000 You must get a lot of...

01:14:20.000 You say things, I feel like, why I like you so much, is you are not a partisan person.

01:14:27.000 You do the thing I try to do with politics.

01:14:29.000 And everyone thinks because of The Daily Show, I'm very left.

01:14:32.000 I get accused of being alt-right lately.

01:14:35.000 Yeah, but it's just having an opinion.

01:14:37.000 I always try to have an opinion per issue, almost.

01:14:39.000 I really got confused when...

01:14:42.000 This country went to a place where you have to be all in on either side.

01:14:46.000 I feel like most people aren't.

01:14:48.000 Some people are pro-choice and also okay with guns.

01:14:52.000 Well, it's just the people that are pro one way or the other way are very loud.

01:14:56.000 They're the loudest, right?

01:14:57.000 There's a lot of us that are just scattered across the board.

01:15:00.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:15:01.000 There's some things that are reasonable and some things that are unreasonable.

01:15:03.000 But you are one of those people who sort of...

01:15:05.000 I find this on the road a lot now.

01:15:07.000 If I'm making fun of...

01:15:09.000 In my hour, and I've really tried to structure my hour, that I hit everybody. 0.99

01:15:13.000 It's like hit both sides and then some dick jokes. 0.98

01:15:17.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:15:17.000 Wrap them in dick jokes. 0.99

01:15:19.000 But when I hit the left, people on the right... 0.99

01:15:22.000 And then the minute I'm like, all right, now let's talk about you guys.

01:15:25.000 But within 12 seconds, within 12 seconds of love this guy, love this guy, love this guy, hate this guy.

01:15:31.000 And it's the same thing that's happened with, like I said, Fox News.

01:15:34.000 It's like, they've said something I disagree with.

01:15:36.000 I can no longer watch that person.

01:15:38.000 And it's a weird time to be doing comedy for that reason.

01:15:41.000 It's a great time to be doing comedy.

01:15:43.000 There's so much chaos because you can point all that nonsense out.

01:15:46.000 Yeah.

01:15:46.000 I think it's the best time ever.

01:15:47.000 Like, I'm going to San Antonio in two weeks, and I'm like, it's gonna be fun, but there's definitely, like, a chunk of my act, and I'm like, there's gonna be dudes in cowboy hats, like, there's a Jew on stage talking about Jesus, like, I don't like it. 1.00

01:15:56.000 And I'm gonna be like, uh-huh, I gotta go out the back door.

01:16:00.000 Your last name.

01:16:02.000 Yeah, because I'm half.

01:16:03.000 I'm a half-breed.

01:16:04.000 Is that, is the last name?

01:16:05.000 Italian.

01:16:06.000 Albanese is Italian.

01:16:07.000 Yeah, my dad's Roman Catholic Italian.

01:16:09.000 So they should be cool with it.

01:16:10.000 Yeah, but I talk about being a Jew.

01:16:11.000 But your mom was Jewish, so you were raised Jewish, because you're a religion of the mother, right? 0.87

01:16:15.000 Yeah, and therefore it was chosen by God.

01:16:17.000 Yeah, that's how it always is.

01:16:18.000 Yeah, I was one of the best people.

01:16:19.000 Oh, sweet.

01:16:19.000 He chose us.

01:16:20.000 Yeah, nice.

01:16:21.000 Yeah, he decided we were better.

01:16:22.000 Yeah, it was pretty cool.

01:16:23.000 My uncle converted, and his name is Salvatore DiGerlando, and he converted.

01:16:28.000 To Judaism?

01:16:29.000 To Judaism, yeah.

01:16:30.000 Why did he do that?

01:16:31.000 Married a woman who's Jewish.

01:16:32.000 Married a Jew.

01:16:33.000 Fell in love with a nice Jewish lady. 1.00

01:16:34.000 Yeah, and he wanted him in.

01:16:36.000 You gotta go in.

01:16:39.000 My dad just converted.

01:16:40.000 My dad converted at 68. To your mom?

01:16:45.000 Yeah, to Judaism. 0.84

01:16:46.000 Well, your mom's religion.

01:16:48.000 With your mom or with a new lady? 0.68

01:16:50.000 No, no, no, no.

01:16:50.000 With my mom.

01:16:51.000 But he never went in until now.

01:16:54.000 Until now.

01:16:55.000 Wow, he's getting close.

01:16:56.000 He's like, better hedge my bet.

01:16:57.000 You never know.

01:16:58.000 You never know.

01:16:58.000 Might really be the chosen people.

01:17:00.000 Imagine if I got to the fucking big gates. 0.99

01:17:02.000 I was living with one for 50 years! 0.99

01:17:05.000 I didn't have the papers!

01:17:06.000 The papers wasn't right!

01:17:08.000 That's exactly what that is.

01:17:09.000 I can't believe this!

01:17:10.000 And you know that they do...

01:17:11.000 I don't want to talk about it, but they do like a... 1.00

01:17:14.000 They give you a little poke in the penis. 1.00

01:17:17.000 They kind of draw blood from your penis to symbolize these. 1.00

01:17:19.000 Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

01:17:21.000 When they told me that, I was like, not worth it. 1.00

01:17:22.000 What is going on with people and dicks? 1.00

01:17:24.000 Cutting dicks and making dicks bleed and cutting baby dicks. 1.00

01:17:29.000 Circumcision to me is weird. 1.00

01:17:31.000 It feels like the kind of thing you should have a say in.

01:17:33.000 You should get a vote.

01:17:35.000 And you can't.

01:17:37.000 You can't.

01:17:37.000 They just take this thing that you needed away.

01:17:40.000 And they don't even...

01:17:41.000 Well, not only that, it's being done now for purely aesthetic reasons.

01:17:45.000 And people say something about AIDS. Well, it decreases as AIDS. Fuck you, it does.

01:17:51.000 It does not. 1.00

01:17:52.000 That's not true.

01:17:53.000 It's absolutely a lie. 0.99

01:17:54.000 And that's just some nonsense that people have said to make up for the fact that it's still this horrific fucking practice. 0.99

01:18:00.000 And by the way, there's probably money in it. 1.00

01:18:02.000 Believe it or not, there's probably a significant business in cutting baby dicks. 0.99

01:18:07.000 And so they're probably trying to... 0.98

01:18:08.000 Protect that significant business and also trying to justify the baby dicks They've cut in the past so if they have three sons and they've cut all the sons dicks They're like well, it's really important to prevent AIDS. Let me tell you something if you're gonna get AIDS You're not gonna get it from having a dirty foreskin, okay? 0.99

01:18:23.000 Okay, we're good. 1.00

01:18:24.000 Yeah, fuck you. 1.00

01:18:25.000 There's no no one's getting AIDS from dirty force I don't know anything about the diseases, but I do know that uh Just as a guy who wears button flies, it would be nice to have one more layer protecting my penis from just smacking around my jeans. 1.00

01:18:37.000 Well, how about underwear, you weirdo? 0.98

01:18:39.000 Yeah, well, I do wear underwear, but it doesn't matter.

01:18:41.000 How about MeUndies?

01:18:42.000 Oh, you and MeUndies, man?

01:18:44.000 Yeah, I love them.

01:18:45.000 They pull up tight to your package.

01:18:46.000 Oh, sweet.

01:18:47.000 I'll take a look.

01:18:48.000 They're made with micro-moldol. 0.99

01:18:49.000 I got this pair of boxes from the thing we were doing, because there was a scene where my dick gets pulled off in this show I was doing. 0.99

01:18:55.000 Gets pulled off your body? 1.00

01:18:57.000 I have a robotic penis. 1.00

01:18:58.000 I don't want to spoil it. 1.00

01:18:59.000 You already have.

01:19:00.000 Spoiler alert.

01:19:01.000 I don't know if anyone's going to see it, so it's okay.

01:19:04.000 But they gave me a pair of underwear so I didn't have to wreck my own underwear.

01:19:08.000 And it was the most comfortable underwear I ever wore.

01:19:11.000 I was like, this is amazing.

01:19:12.000 And then my girlfriend came out to visit me.

01:19:14.000 She sends me a text and she goes, why is there a pair of ladies underwear in your suitcase? 1.00

01:19:18.000 And I was like, there is.

01:19:18.000 And it turns out this underwear that I thought was the best underwear is like ladies underwear.

01:19:23.000 And I was like, I was about to buy like 50 more pairs of it.

01:19:26.000 Well, who decides they're ladies? 1.00

01:19:27.000 I don't know.

01:19:28.000 I mean, I don't know, but I'm in on it.

01:19:31.000 Are they silk?

01:19:32.000 No, they were like this, like, I guess they're like leggings material.

01:19:36.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:19:36.000 But they just made my penis like float. 0.99

01:19:38.000 Like it was like in limbo. 0.99

01:19:40.000 Like it was like it was in jello.

01:19:41.000 It was very nice. 1.00

01:19:43.000 And are they designed for a vagina and not for a penis? 1.00

01:19:46.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:19:47.000 All I know is, I wore them and I was like, I gotta get more of these.

01:19:49.000 And then she was like, my girlfriend, no, she didn't get mad.

01:19:53.000 First she just thought I was like cheating on her. 1.00

01:19:54.000 Right.

01:19:55.000 And then she's like, this is the ladies line at Target. 0.99

01:19:57.000 You know?

01:19:57.000 Oh, well, there you go.

01:19:58.000 Now you know where to get them.

01:19:59.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:20:00.000 That's what I said.

01:20:00.000 I'm like, cool, go pick me up six pairs.

01:20:02.000 Yeah, there's certain things that are like, they don't have a gender associated, like tube socks.

01:20:07.000 Yeah.

01:20:08.000 Right?

01:20:08.000 Unless you have like the little pom-pom on the back of the heel.

01:20:11.000 Yeah.

01:20:12.000 That's the only way.

01:20:13.000 You know, like little ankle socks.

01:20:14.000 For a while, ankle socks were only chicks.

01:20:17.000 Only chicks wore ankle socks. 1.00

01:20:18.000 Yeah, you're right.

01:20:18.000 Dudes didn't wear ankle socks in the 80s and 90s.

01:20:20.000 That was a chick thing. 1.00

01:20:22.000 They wore those little tiny socks.

01:20:23.000 Yeah.

01:20:24.000 And then, yeah, now it feels weird to wear shorts with socks.

01:20:28.000 Does it?

01:20:28.000 Yeah.

01:20:29.000 To me, it does.

01:20:29.000 It feels weird.

01:20:30.000 Why?

01:20:30.000 I don't know.

01:20:31.000 I just don't like the way it looks.

01:20:32.000 It just feels very, like...

01:20:33.000 I wear socks that they're not totally ankle socks and people mock my socks.

01:20:38.000 Like these socks.

01:20:39.000 Check these out.

01:20:40.000 See?

01:20:40.000 They go above the ankle.

01:20:42.000 Like, what are you doing?

01:20:43.000 I see an extra inch of sock.

01:20:44.000 But will you wear those with shorts?

01:20:47.000 Do you know what I'm saying?

01:20:47.000 Of course.

01:20:48.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99

01:20:48.000 I'm married. 0.99

01:20:49.000 I wear a fanny pack.

01:20:50.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:20:51.000 I'm almost 50. I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:20:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:20:53.000 Yeah, what's gonna happen to me? 0.99

01:20:55.000 Nothing.

01:20:55.000 People gonna like me less?

01:20:56.000 You don't like me?

01:20:57.000 Good.

01:20:57.000 I'm trying to cut people out of my life.

01:20:59.000 If you have a problem with me because of my socks, my socks are an inch too high.

01:21:02.000 One less person I have to talk to. 1.00

01:21:03.000 Fuck off with your shitty ideas. 1.00

01:21:06.000 There's just too many people with just like weird, rigid ideas about what people should and shouldn't do in this life. 1.00

01:21:11.000 I mean, and it's constant.

01:21:14.000 You're constantly being told like, we don't say that anymore.

01:21:16.000 I'm like, when did that happen?

01:21:17.000 Yeah.

01:21:18.000 You know?

01:21:18.000 That's my biggest problem is I can't keep up.

01:21:20.000 What was the latest one people told you not to say anymore?

01:21:23.000 Well, Eskimo.

01:21:25.000 But that's not true.

01:21:26.000 See, in certain parts of the country and the world, Eskimo is what they prefer.

01:21:31.000 See, I believe Inuit is in certain parts of the world they prefer, but Eskimo is what they prefer in other parts of the world.

01:21:38.000 Like people that say that Eskimo is a slur, that is not always true.

01:21:41.000 You might decide it's true for your area.

01:21:44.000 Steve Rinello is explaining this to me.

01:21:45.000 I believe in Canada Eskimo is the correct term, but in Alaska they prefer Inuit.

01:21:53.000 See if that's correct, Jamie.

01:21:54.000 Let's make sure we get that right.

01:21:56.000 But that's just people deciding.

01:21:57.000 That's what I mean.

01:21:58.000 I've never tried to be disrespectful to Inuits or Eskimos.

01:22:02.000 It's just a problem when you decide all of a sudden that something's disrespectful after people have been using it.

01:22:07.000 Language is supposed to always convey intent.

01:22:09.000 That's it.

01:22:10.000 That's all it's supposed to be about.

01:22:11.000 So when you just make these hot button words, we're not talking about like, Like, Japs.

01:22:16.000 The Japs. 0.99

01:22:17.000 You know, that was a derogatory term used in World War II. And people threw it around wildly.

01:22:21.000 And they didn't realize it's pretty offensive.

01:22:23.000 And that makes sense.

01:22:24.000 Like, oh, okay, I get it.

01:22:26.000 This is a term from World War II that was used, like, gooks.

01:22:29.000 It was an internment camp.

01:22:30.000 Makes sense.

01:22:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

01:22:31.000 All those things make sense.

01:22:32.000 But when you get to things that don't, like, there's certain expressions that don't make sense. 0.92

01:22:37.000 Like, how the fuck is it still the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People? 0.87

01:22:41.000 I know. 0.98

01:22:41.000 Yeah, come on. 0.98

01:22:42.000 I talk about that.

01:22:43.000 It's tough to give a donation to that.

01:22:45.000 In Canada, the term Eskimo has largely been supplanted by the term Inuit.

01:22:50.000 While Inuit can accurately be applied to Eskimo peoples in Canada and Greenland, it is not true in Alaska and Siberia.

01:22:57.000 In Alaska, the term Eskimo is commonly used because it includes both Yupik and Inupat.

01:23:03.000 So, okay.

01:23:03.000 In Alaska, Inuit is not accepted as a collective term and is not used especially in the Inupat.

01:23:10.000 So, okay.

01:23:11.000 So, in Canada, you're supposed to use the term Inuit.

01:23:14.000 In Alaska, you can still use the term Eskimo, and they want you to use it, because it does not refer to a certain type of native person that lives up there. 0.98

01:23:23.000 Those are fucking, those are the real natives, man. 1.00

01:23:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:25.000 I mean, if you really think about it, those are the people that, not only did they cross the Bering Strait, but they fucking stayed in the cold spot. 1.00

01:23:32.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:23:32.000 They got there and they're like, yeah, this is good. 0.94

01:23:35.000 Yeah.

01:23:35.000 What's interesting is...

01:23:36.000 How do you not keep traveling?

01:23:37.000 Those people don't have any access to vegetables, and yet they lived almost entirely free of cancer until we started importing cigarettes and booze up there.

01:23:44.000 That I did not know.

01:23:45.000 Yeah, they had incredibly low instances of cancer, and what they're basically living off is fat.

01:23:52.000 They're living off seal fat, and they would take seals, and they would take frozen fish, and they would dip frozen fish in hot seal oil and eat the frozen fish.

01:24:01.000 So they'd take a frozen fish, and they would slice...

01:24:04.000 Almost like carpaccio, thin pieces of this frozen fish, and then dip it in seal oil.

01:24:09.000 And that's how they, to this day, that's how they...

01:24:12.000 Well, it's not a fondue.

01:24:14.000 It's like a, you know, like a...

01:24:15.000 Shabu shabu.

01:24:17.000 What's a shabu shabu?

01:24:18.000 It's like a Japanese thing where you take meat and dip it in thinly sliced meat and dip it in hot oil.

01:24:24.000 Oh, okay.

01:24:24.000 Yeah, something like that.

01:24:26.000 Something along those lines.

01:24:27.000 But somehow or another, that diet is really good for you, which is really strange. 0.99

01:24:31.000 Like, I would think you'd have to have some fucking vegetables in your life. 0.98

01:24:34.000 Yeah, but it can't be good for your heart if you're eating a lot of seal fat. 0.99

01:24:38.000 So that's where you're wrong.

01:24:38.000 See, that's a common misconception, and it's one of the things we've addressed ad nauseum on the show, unfortunately, but I'll give you the short version of fats versus carbohydrates.

01:24:48.000 In the 1950s, the sugar industry paid scientists to write about saturated fat and to blame saturated fat for heart disease and heart attacks.

01:24:57.000 It's not the case at all.

01:24:59.000 It's a lie.

01:25:00.000 And it was all created by the sugar industry to take the blame away from sugar.

01:25:04.000 Sugar, processed sugar, and simple carbohydrates like breads and pastas and all those things, those things are terrible for you.

01:25:10.000 And that's where you get your fat.

01:25:11.000 That's where you get fat bodies. 1.00

01:25:13.000 That's where people develop hardening of the arteries and fucking clog this and that, along with genetics and a lot of other things. 0.85

01:25:21.000 Saturated fats become dangerous is when you mix saturated fats with sugars.

01:25:26.000 Saturated fats and sugars together somehow or another accentuate like, you know, like fried foods and sugary food, like sugary drinks, like And fried chicken and deep-fried fatty things.

01:25:40.000 That's where things get really dangerous, apparently.

01:25:42.000 And this is a recent study that connected saturated fat mixed with simple sugars and processed sugars as being especially dangerous, but on their own.

01:25:54.000 Saturated fats are the precursors for hormones.

01:25:57.000 And in fact, a diet high in saturated fats and cholesterol actually raises your hormone levels and it's healthier for your body.

01:26:04.000 Not only that, saturated fat and dietary cholesterol in particular, food you eat, cholesterol from food, doesn't raise your blood cholesterol at all.

01:26:13.000 It barely moves the needle on blood lipids.

01:26:16.000 It's all super confusing.

01:26:17.000 Yeah.

01:26:18.000 Because we grew up with this idea that when you eat cholesterol, you get high cholesterol.

01:26:22.000 It's not the case.

01:26:25.000 In fact, there's a lot of evidence that where you're really getting this bad extra fat in your body is from processed sugars.

01:26:32.000 Yeah, because your body can't get rid of it.

01:26:35.000 Well, your body's not, you're not supposed to ever be able to take a spoonful of sugar and shove it in your mouth.

01:26:40.000 It doesn't exist in nature.

01:26:41.000 I play Mary Poppins.

01:26:42.000 I do. 1.00

01:26:43.000 That dirty bitch. 1.00

01:26:43.000 That bitch. 1.00

01:26:48.000 I don't know that much about nutrition. 1.00

01:26:50.000 I know, but it's a natural thing to say.

01:26:50.000 When I'm out here, man, I just eat Mexican food.

01:26:53.000 Well, that's a good move.

01:26:54.000 I wish we had some time.

01:26:55.000 There's a legit Jamie.

01:26:57.000 I've got to take you to this place right down the street.

01:26:59.000 The most legit Mexican place you'll ever find.

01:27:01.000 They're playing Mexican TV with soccer.

01:27:04.000 Really?

01:27:04.000 They have tongue and cabeza.

01:27:07.000 They have head tacos. 1.00

01:27:08.000 Shit. 1.00

01:27:09.000 Dude, I'm telling you, this place is the bomb. 1.00

01:27:12.000 I had a tongue quesadilla, lengua quesadilla. 0.99

01:27:15.000 It was fucking fantastic. 0.99

01:27:17.000 Really? 0.99

01:27:17.000 Woo! 0.99

01:27:18.000 I don't know if I'd eat a tongue case.

01:27:19.000 So everyone's speaking Spanish.

01:27:20.000 They barely understand you when you're ordering, if you try to order in English. 0.98

01:27:23.000 God damn, it's good though. 1.00

01:27:24.000 It's legit as fuck. 1.00

01:27:26.000 This little strip mall area. 0.99

01:27:27.000 Yeah, don't give the address.

01:27:28.000 I don't want Trump to take him out.

01:27:30.000 Yeah, I know, man.

01:27:30.000 There's not a legal person in that joint.

01:27:32.000 I went there with my family the other day, and I was like, baby, they're not a legal person in this thing.

01:27:37.000 Have your license at the ready.

01:27:39.000 Bring a passport when you go.

01:27:41.000 I really do think food is the key to making people like each other.

01:27:45.000 I really do.

01:27:46.000 If that's the case, why are people kicking out Mexicans? 0.98

01:27:48.000 Well, that's what I'm saying.

01:27:48.000 I keep wanting to send West Coast...

01:27:51.000 I was in Arizona doing shows...

01:27:53.000 The Mexican food down there, they were so good.

01:27:56.000 And I wanted to just send like a little quesadilla triangle to Trump with a note, you know, like, are you sure?

01:28:01.000 You know, like, take a nibble, dude.

01:28:03.000 Well, he's got taco bowls.

01:28:04.000 You ever see that picture that he took?

01:28:06.000 Him with the taco bowl?

01:28:07.000 I love Hispanics. 1.00

01:28:09.000 And I was like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

01:28:10.000 I know. 0.99

01:28:10.000 It's so weird. 0.99

01:28:11.000 Yeah, no, but that's how I feel about it.

01:28:14.000 That's why I think New York, we've got so many different cultures there and so many different foods that you're always eating.

01:28:20.000 It's like, I don't know, don't get rid of those people.

01:28:22.000 They're the best.

01:28:22.000 Those are the best falafels in town.

01:28:24.000 I know, right?

01:28:25.000 There's certain spots where you can go, there's the best trucks.

01:28:28.000 And it's authentic.

01:28:29.000 It's like you said.

01:28:30.000 Anytime you go into a place...

01:28:32.000 That has that race of people in it eating there. 0.74

01:28:35.000 I'm like, oh, I've chosen wisely.

01:28:36.000 This must be good Indian food.

01:28:38.000 Everyone in here is Indian.

01:28:39.000 Oh, there's an Indian place that I go to as well that is in, like, an Indian supermarket.

01:28:43.000 It's an Indian supermarket that has all these bizarre smells. 1.00

01:28:46.000 You go in, there's a weird curry smells and shit. 0.99

01:28:48.000 And then in the back, they have, like, a cafeteria. 0.98

01:28:51.000 And everything was in Indian. 0.99

01:28:53.000 Like, I didn't know what the fuck they had. 0.98

01:28:55.000 So the lady was very patient with me and talked me through all this stuff. 0.99

01:28:57.000 Everything's vegetarian, and everything's all in Indian. 0.98

01:29:00.000 And it was fucking fantastic. 0.99

01:29:01.000 Fantastic! 0.99

01:29:01.000 Good, right? 0.99

01:29:02.000 Spicy?

01:29:03.000 And everybody came in in like full Indian garb.

01:29:05.000 Like you would think you were in India.

01:29:07.000 You know, it was really weird.

01:29:09.000 They were all dressed like they lived in India. 1.00

01:29:10.000 Just me.

01:29:11.000 Did they break out in one of those big musical numbers?

01:29:14.000 No, but they had the music playing.

01:29:15.000 They did?

01:29:15.000 They did have legit Indian music playing.

01:29:18.000 That's awesome.

01:29:18.000 You can find these little spots where you can get real authentic food from people that came from there and say, look, this is what we miss.

01:29:26.000 So we're going to set up shop here and just make it a little India. 0.99

01:29:29.000 I like that.

01:29:31.000 That's why I like living in a city.

01:29:33.000 Oh, there's some good spots in LA too.

01:29:35.000 There's a great little...

01:29:36.000 Have you ever been to Little Vietnam? 0.98

01:29:37.000 There's a little Vietnamese area that has some fucking awesome little Vietnamese restaurants. 0.73

01:29:42.000 I always find it fascinating how people pool up in groups. 0.98

01:29:47.000 Yep.

01:29:47.000 They get together and then they all sort of buy property or rent property in this one area.

01:29:52.000 But is it zoned?

01:29:53.000 To me, Chinatown in New York always felt like zoned.

01:29:56.000 I don't think it is.

01:29:57.000 I think it happened organically.

01:29:58.000 They were like, put all the Chinese people over here. 1.00

01:30:00.000 Well, how little Italy?

01:30:02.000 Yeah, same thing.

01:30:03.000 I always assumed so.

01:30:05.000 I mean, I guess I could read about it.

01:30:06.000 And the Upper East Side is like Waspville?

01:30:08.000 No, they were like, put some Jews uptown. 0.99

01:30:10.000 But yeah, I mean, I think that it's always a weird thing to me to put That cities have that.

01:30:18.000 It still feels weird.

01:30:19.000 It feels antiquated.

01:30:20.000 But at the same time, Chinatown in New York is fantastic.

01:30:23.000 You go down there, there's great restaurants.

01:30:26.000 There's little alleyways you can track it down.

01:30:28.000 You can get different kinds.

01:30:30.000 The only food resources you can get in China, like you said, supermarkets that have You've never seen anything in the store before, because you're not from China.

01:30:40.000 A bucket of dried fish eggs. 0.98

01:30:41.000 You're like, what the fuck is this for? 0.99

01:30:43.000 They have big barrels of things, and you're like, what is that guy scooping out of that barrel? 0.98

01:30:47.000 And why is it moving, you know?

01:30:48.000 You know what I like?

01:30:49.000 I like those restaurants where they reluctantly write the name below the Chinese name.

01:30:53.000 They reluctantly write something in English.

01:30:56.000 You know?

01:30:57.000 Half Moon Villa.

01:30:58.000 And then above it is these big-ass Chinese letters. 0.55

01:31:01.000 We're not going for spelling.

01:31:03.000 We have to write here.

01:31:05.000 There's places where you have to, like in Quebec, you have to write in French.

01:31:11.000 They have laws where you have to write things in French.

01:31:15.000 Gotcha.

01:31:16.000 You can't just do it.

01:31:17.000 You can't go English only.

01:31:18.000 I don't think you can.

01:31:19.000 I don't think it's allowed.

01:31:20.000 I think Quebec, they're clinging strong to their French heritage, which I completely understand, because they have a long history of French-speaking people living in Quebec.

01:31:33.000 It's a really unusual part of Canada.

01:31:36.000 And a lot of people don't understand.

01:31:37.000 You think of Canadians like, you take off, eh? 0.55

01:31:40.000 Hello?

01:31:41.000 What is this about?

01:31:42.000 That's not Montreal.

01:31:43.000 Montreal is very much like a European city.

01:31:45.000 It's really interesting in that regard.

01:31:47.000 Yeah.

01:31:48.000 I like Canada.

01:31:49.000 I've never had a bad experience in Canada doing shows.

01:31:51.000 I feel like the people up there are...

01:31:54.000 You know, it feels like it's like...

01:31:56.000 I don't want to...

01:31:58.000 And this isn't diminishing Canada, but there's like a component of it's like America, but like people just seem like friendlier.

01:32:04.000 Like I think about that with Chicago.

01:32:05.000 Like I just did gigs in Chicago.

01:32:06.000 And it's like Chicago's like New York. 0.98

01:32:08.000 It's like this big, dirty, smelly city.

01:32:10.000 But everyone there's just nice because they're from the Midwest. 0.57

01:32:12.000 Like they're just nicer.

01:32:13.000 Yeah, I agree.

01:32:15.000 It's interesting.

01:32:16.000 They're friendly and they say hi to you.

01:32:19.000 We went over this on a recent podcast that Canada has so few people.

01:32:23.000 There's actually 36 million people in Canada, 39 million people in California.

01:32:29.000 Jesus Christ.

01:32:30.000 So the entire country of Canada has less people than just this state.

01:32:33.000 Well, Australia has, what, like 25 million people?

01:32:36.000 Mm-hmm.

01:32:37.000 And it's as big as the continent of the United States.

01:32:39.000 The United States.

01:32:39.000 Yeah.

01:32:39.000 But a lot of it's uninhabitable, though.

01:32:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:32:41.000 It's dangerous as fuck. 0.99

01:32:43.000 My friend, go to Adam Greentree's, my friend Adam Greentree on Instagram, adam.greentreebowhunting, I think it is. 1.00

01:32:51.000 A fucking snake. 1.00

01:32:53.000 Australia's so dangerous. 1.00

01:32:53.000 He lives in Australia. 1.00

01:32:55.000 Everything there can kill you. 1.00

01:32:55.000 He's always trying to get me to A fucking snake literally ate a snake its own size. 1.00

01:33:00.000 And he had it? 0.99

01:33:01.000 And couldn't swallow it and died because of this.

01:33:04.000 So look, this is a snake crawling out of a snake its own size.

01:33:07.000 See that snake's mouth? 1.00

01:33:09.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:33:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:33:10.000 So a fucking snake ate a snake its own size and he filmed the one snake that tried to eat it dying and then the other one wiggles out of its fucking body. 1.00

01:33:20.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:33:20.000 Like what in the hell, man? 1.00

01:33:22.000 I mean, that is the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

01:33:25.000 You want to talk about a hardscrabble world. 0.99

01:33:27.000 When he first put it up, I thought, oh, is that a skin?

01:33:30.000 Is it like shedding its skin? 0.98

01:33:31.000 That's what I thought it was doing. 1.00

01:33:32.000 Nope, that's a full-ass fucking snake that ate another snake that is essentially the same size as it. 1.00

01:33:38.000 That's insane. 1.00

01:33:39.000 Is someone pulling it out?

01:33:40.000 I don't know.

01:33:41.000 Is this one dead?

01:33:42.000 I think it's just coming out.

01:33:44.000 Yeah, it died trying to eat it.

01:33:45.000 Is the other one dead, though?

01:33:47.000 No, the other one's pulling.

01:33:48.000 I can't tell if someone's pulling it out.

01:33:50.000 I don't think it is.

01:33:52.000 It might be.

01:33:53.000 That's crazy.

01:33:54.000 Yeah, it's insane.

01:33:55.000 Have you never been to Australia?

01:33:56.000 Oh, there it is.

01:33:57.000 There's another picture of it.

01:33:58.000 See, there it is right there.

01:34:00.000 That's bananas.

01:34:02.000 The stuff of nightmares.

01:34:03.000 I killed a snake in the yard gate this morning, and as it died, a snake came out of its mouth.

01:34:09.000 Let me repeat.

01:34:10.000 A snake came out its mouth. 1.00

01:34:14.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:34:16.000 Have you never been to Australia? 1.00

01:34:18.000 Oh, yeah, I've been a few times.

01:34:19.000 Yeah, I love it.

01:34:19.000 I love it there.

01:34:20.000 Australia's awesome.

01:34:21.000 It really is.

01:34:21.000 All the deadliest stuff in the world is there.

01:34:23.000 I mean, like, even, like, there's shells on the beach.

01:34:28.000 They're like, eh, don't pick up those shells there.

01:34:29.000 You know, like, there's always something. 0.81

01:34:31.000 It'll kill you, mate. 1.00

01:34:31.000 A little thing will come out there and kill you. 1.00

01:34:33.000 If that sand gets underneath your skin, it'll kill you, mate. 1.00

01:34:36.000 You did, mate.

01:34:36.000 Yeah, if that's all it is, all right, there.

01:34:38.000 You did. 0.99

01:34:39.000 You know, like, all right, you're dead.

01:34:40.000 Like, it's crazy.

01:34:41.000 Well, they have just schools of these jellyfish that will just murder you instantly.

01:34:45.000 Just touching you. 0.87

01:34:46.000 You're dead. 1.00

01:34:46.000 You're fucked. 1.00

01:34:47.000 You're like dead from a jellyfish. 1.00

01:34:49.000 You're dead from a jellyfish. 0.99

01:34:50.000 It's crazy.

01:34:50.000 Or, like in the springtime, people open up their barbecues or whatever.

01:34:54.000 There's always like black widow spiders and shit in them. 0.99

01:34:57.000 And like, you know, spiders that can kill you. 0.99

01:35:00.000 Here's another one.

01:35:00.000 There's a video.

01:35:01.000 Look up a spider killing a brown snake.

01:35:06.000 Oh, I saw this.

01:35:07.000 This is crazy. 1.00

01:35:08.000 There's an evil snake, the brown snake in Australia, again, bites you, you're dead. 1.00

01:35:12.000 You're dead as fuck. 1.00

01:35:12.000 I saw this video. 1.00

01:35:13.000 It's insane. 1.00

01:35:14.000 And then this spider kills the fucking snake. 1.00

01:35:17.000 Like an evil spider killed an evil snake. 1.00

01:35:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:35:19.000 It's like, what is going on in that part of the world?

01:35:23.000 And what's really fascinating about that part of the world is they didn't really have animals there, other than kangaroos and fucking wallabies and shit. 0.98

01:35:30.000 There's a lot of the animals that they have there were imported. 0.98

01:35:33.000 Well, they're also one of those countries that did that thing where they were being overrun by a certain plant, and then they put rabbits out there to eat the plant, and then the rabbits went rampant, and then they put wolves to get the- Well, then they brought foxes.

01:35:44.000 Yeah, foxes to get the rabbits- And the foxes fucked them up, and then they bring cats, feral cats. 0.99

01:35:49.000 Like, they tried to fix shit, you know? 0.98

01:35:51.000 And they made a disaster out of the place. 0.99

01:35:53.000 Did you hear about that thing on the Galapagos Islands with the goats?

01:35:56.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:35:57.000 The Judas goats and all that stuff.

01:35:58.000 It's crazy.

01:35:59.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:36:00.000 It's the same kind of thing.

01:36:01.000 Exactly.

01:36:01.000 You try to, like, manipulate the environment.

01:36:04.000 The environment's like, fuck you. 1.00

01:36:04.000 There it is. 1.00

01:36:05.000 So this evil fucking spider is closing in on this evil snake. 1.00

01:36:09.000 And that's... 1.00

01:36:09.000 How crazy are spider webs? 1.00

01:36:11.000 It's caught!

01:36:12.000 You can't even see the web.

01:36:14.000 And it's so strong that it's containing this snake.

01:36:17.000 I mean...

01:36:18.000 And he's got them by the head, too.

01:36:19.000 Like, he knows how to contain it.

01:36:21.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:21.000 He's moving in on them.

01:36:22.000 He's like, closer.

01:36:23.000 Closer.

01:36:24.000 Oh, I'm going to eat you.

01:36:25.000 Closer.

01:36:26.000 Closer.

01:36:27.000 I can't show this video on YouTube, by the way.

01:36:28.000 Oh, okay.

01:36:29.000 Don't worry.

01:36:30.000 Yeah.

01:36:30.000 All our nature videos, every time we try to show a nature video, we get yanked off YouTube.

01:36:35.000 But for people who want to watch it...

01:36:36.000 Because people have rights.

01:36:38.000 They own it.

01:36:38.000 You know, they own the video and they want all the hits and I get it.

01:36:41.000 So what is the name of the video so people can...

01:36:43.000 This one actually got...

01:36:44.000 One version I tried to find got taken down off YouTube.

01:36:46.000 It said for breaking YouTube guidelines for graphic content.

01:36:50.000 What?

01:36:50.000 What does it say?

01:36:51.000 Redback spider attacks.

01:36:53.000 Say that again?

01:36:53.000 Yeah.

01:36:54.000 Redback spider attacks and kills brown snake.

01:36:56.000 I just typed in spider kills brown snake.

01:36:59.000 I had that happen to me with my...

01:37:03.000 Nightly show gets cancelled.

01:37:05.000 I quickly cut my reel of my best of stuff.

01:37:07.000 I put it on YouTube.

01:37:08.000 I'm like, yeah, whatever.

01:37:09.000 Maybe it'll live there.

01:37:10.000 People will see it.

01:37:12.000 An hour later, Viacom has blogged. 1.00

01:37:14.000 I was like, you guys are such assholes. 1.00

01:37:16.000 I just cancelled the show. 1.00

01:37:17.000 I can't even have it on YouTube.

01:37:19.000 I had to put it on Vimeo and then through my website.

01:37:23.000 It's funny how quick they are, though.

01:37:25.000 Couldn't you contact Viacom since you were an employee and get permission?

01:37:28.000 I don't know.

01:37:29.000 You gotta go through proper channels.

01:37:30.000 That just seemed like a lot of work.

01:37:32.000 I get it, though, because this is the Wild Wild West.

01:37:35.000 I mean, we have a lot of websites that are taking our clips from this podcast, and they put it up, and then they put advertisers on it, and then they make money off of it.

01:37:42.000 And then they're making money off of it.

01:37:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:37:43.000 It's really weird right now because they're trying to figure out what's legal and what's not legal to do.

01:37:48.000 There's entire channels that are just dedicated to this podcast, and then they take clips from this podcast, and they make money off of it.

01:37:54.000 It's real sketchy.

01:37:56.000 And then there's websites that now are popping up that have taken clips off the podcast.

01:38:00.000 They put them on their website, and then they have pop-up ads and Google ads all over their website.

01:38:04.000 So the only content that they have is content that I've created, but yet they're making money off of it.

01:38:09.000 I get these people.

01:38:10.000 But to me, it's like, well, you canceled the show, so obviously...

01:38:14.000 You're not making money on it.

01:38:15.000 But they are.

01:38:15.000 They're going to sell it somewhere.

01:38:16.000 They'll definitely sell it somewhere.

01:38:18.000 What, the nightly show?

01:38:19.000 Yeah.

01:38:19.000 Well, there's nothing to sell because we're not making it anymore.

01:38:20.000 Whatever episodes they have, they'll sell those episodes.

01:38:23.000 You think so?

01:38:24.000 100%.

01:38:24.000 And plus, if anybody wants to use them in something, if you want to use one of those clips, they'll have it.

01:38:29.000 It's intellectual property.

01:38:30.000 I get it.

01:38:31.000 I mean, here's the other thing.

01:38:33.000 If you do a show for a year and a half and it gets canceled, they lost a fuckload of money.

01:38:37.000 They sure did.

01:38:38.000 100%.

01:38:38.000 So they're like, look, we're going to figure out a way to stop this bleeding and then to just try to patch up something.

01:38:44.000 There's no way around it.

01:38:45.000 This announcement just happened.

01:38:46.000 It's going on actually right now.

01:38:48.000 YouTube's going to be putting TV shows on YouTube.

01:38:51.000 There's going to make some sort of deal where you're going to be paying less than you pay for, I don't know, DirecTV or Hulu.

01:38:56.000 You're going to be able to get TV shows...

01:38:58.000 Just like you're getting now on other services directly on YouTube.

01:39:01.000 Is that RedTube though?

01:39:03.000 It's going to be a cheaper version than YouTube Red because YouTube Red is about $9.99 a month, like the same price as Netflix.

01:39:09.000 Okay, so you're saying like current television shows that are out now?

01:39:12.000 I don't have a lot of data because this is literally happening right now.

01:39:14.000 That's inevitable.

01:39:15.000 That's inevitable.

01:39:16.000 That makes sense.

01:39:17.000 Jimmy Kimmel and Colbert will be able to be on it.

01:39:19.000 Something like that. 1.00

01:39:22.000 This is the fucking death bell. 1.00

01:39:24.000 Might be happening right now. 1.00

01:39:25.000 This is the death bell to the networks right there.

01:39:28.000 Clang!

01:39:30.000 This is going to be historic. 0.99

01:39:33.000 This kind of shit, because there's going to be no reason to have television now. 0.99

01:39:36.000 If once this happens, there will literally be no reason to have television. 0.99

01:39:40.000 If this becomes universal...

01:39:42.000 Agreed.

01:39:42.000 Yeah.

01:39:43.000 Except for sporting events.

01:39:44.000 Like, you want to watch the basketball game, starts at 7, you've got to watch it there.

01:39:48.000 Like, TV might become the live sports network.

01:39:50.000 Yeah.

01:39:51.000 I mean, that's really all you need it for.

01:39:52.000 And news.

01:39:53.000 Maybe news.

01:39:53.000 I mean, it's very similar to the model of what you're doing with a podcast.

01:39:57.000 It's like, you drop the podcast and then people listen to it when they want to listen to it.

01:40:00.000 Look at this.

01:40:00.000 YouTube reveals viewers watch a billion hours of video a day as FIRM prepares to unveil its unplugged TV service.

01:40:08.000 Wow. 0.99

01:40:10.000 Well, once they make a deal with networks like that, man, fucking A. But that's really interesting for all those people like the PewDiePie's and the Philip DeFranco's and all these people that have shows on YouTube. 0.99

01:40:21.000 It's going to blow them up even bigger because they're essentially now on a network.

01:40:24.000 Because the network is just as well connected as Jimmy Kimmel is now.

01:40:30.000 Right, so in other words, you're watching Colbert on YouTube, and then the next thing that comes up is the Rory Albanese show. 1.00

01:40:34.000 You're fucking sitting there smoking weed in your underwear, your girl's underwear. 1.00

01:40:38.000 My ladies' boxes. 1.00

01:40:40.000 Yeah, your wife's yelling at you in the background, get off the TV! I'm working! 0.90

01:40:45.000 I'm on TV! You're wearing women's underwear! 1.00

01:40:48.000 This is my show! 1.00

01:40:49.000 Shut up! 1.00

01:40:49.000 This is my life! 1.00

01:40:51.000 This is how I live!

01:40:52.000 I'm taking it back!

01:40:55.000 Yeah, they've got to fix that weed problem in New York. 0.53

01:40:57.000 How does New York still not have legal weed?

01:40:59.000 I don't know.

01:41:00.000 It's crazy.

01:41:00.000 What is going on?

01:41:01.000 I know.

01:41:02.000 But man, that's one thing I've got to say about Denver.

01:41:04.000 Because you don't even need...

01:41:05.000 You don't need it here anymore.

01:41:07.000 You don't need a...

01:41:08.000 It's recreational here now?

01:41:09.000 Fully legal!

01:41:10.000 Really?

01:41:11.000 You could just walk in?

01:41:12.000 Yeah.

01:41:12.000 I didn't know that.

01:41:13.000 Dude, we have a photo.

01:41:14.000 I have a photo that I have to put up on the wall of the moment that we found out.

01:41:17.000 Burt Kreischer, we were doing a podcast during the- I had no idea.

01:41:21.000 We did an End of the World podcast.

01:41:22.000 It was me, Bill Burr, Doug Stanhope, Burt Kreischer, a bunch of people, and we were on stage in the comedy store the moment that weed passed, recreational weed passed in California, and Burt Kreischer takes his shirt off, and he's swinging his shirt in front of the crowd, and the whole crowd's got their arms up in the air,

01:41:39.000 and they're going crazy.

01:41:39.000 I had no idea.

01:41:41.000 I'm going to crush that.

01:41:42.000 That actually wasn't the exact moment.

01:41:43.000 That was an exciting moment of the show.

01:41:45.000 When that actual moment happened, I was sitting next to Bert, and he didn't have his shirt off yet.

01:41:49.000 I have a photo of that moment when everyone's lighting up.

01:41:50.000 Yeah, someone told me that, but I was going to ignore that.

01:41:52.000 Yeah, I have a photo of it.

01:41:52.000 It's okay.

01:41:53.000 I mean, it was pretty close.

01:41:55.000 It happened right afterwards, but... 1.00

01:41:56.000 Damn it. 1.00

01:41:56.000 Fucking Crusher of Dreams. 1.00

01:41:58.000 Fucking Spock over there. 1.00

01:42:00.000 Crusher of Dreams. 1.00

01:42:01.000 That is the fact.

01:42:02.000 But that makes it even funnier.

01:42:03.000 I really didn't know that.

01:42:04.000 I thought you still needed your card.

01:42:06.000 Oh, that's good to know.

01:42:07.000 You can totally get it.

01:42:08.000 I don't think...

01:42:08.000 You can't smoke in public.

01:42:10.000 You can't just be smoking.

01:42:11.000 Is it like Denver?

01:42:12.000 You walk in, they can buy edibles?

01:42:13.000 Yes.

01:42:13.000 Because that experience I had in Denver was unreal.

01:42:15.000 Insane.

01:42:16.000 They're called Bud Tenders.

01:42:18.000 Isn't that hilarious?

01:42:19.000 It's so funny.

01:42:19.000 Jamie, tell about that place that you went to yesterday.

01:42:21.000 It's like the Genius Bar.

01:42:22.000 Yeah, there's a place like...

01:42:23.000 It's actually...

01:42:24.000 It's on Santa Monica near Crescent Heights.

01:42:26.000 There's...

01:42:26.000 Most of the stores here, and even in Denver, you can't see anything.

01:42:29.000 You can't see inside from the street.

01:42:31.000 This is big glass windows.

01:42:32.000 You can look right inside, and it's like an Apple store.

01:42:35.000 Tables with iPads on them with all the different strains on it.

01:42:37.000 A little jar to look inside.

01:42:39.000 You can smell it.

01:42:40.000 Then you walk up to the thing, and they bring it out from the back, like your eighths or your quarters.

01:42:44.000 Do you remember the name of this joint?

01:42:45.000 It's called Med Men, I believe is what it was called.

01:42:46.000 Med Med?

01:42:47.000 Med Men. 0.95

01:42:47.000 Med Men? 0.95

01:42:48.000 Oh, Med Men. 1.00

01:42:49.000 That's funny.

01:42:50.000 Something like that.

01:42:50.000 That's funny.

01:42:51.000 It's a cool story.

01:42:53.000 Yeah, the way they have it set up in Denver is like you get in a little line and then they're like, next please.

01:42:58.000 And then you go up to the lady and she's like, hi, what are you looking to do?

01:43:02.000 You're like, I don't know, I guess get high.

01:43:03.000 And then she just helps you through your journey.

01:43:06.000 I got my first medical marijuana card I think it was in like 2000 or something like that.

01:43:13.000 I forget what year it was.

01:43:14.000 But I used to go to a place called the Inglewood Wellness Center.

01:43:17.000 It was the only place where you could get legal weed that I knew about because of my connections.

01:43:21.000 I would go down to Inglewood.

01:43:23.000 D-A-H-O-O-D. And I was going there for a while until one of the guys that was working there got shot. 0.99

01:43:31.000 They got robbed and he got shot in the stomach while I was a patron there.

01:43:37.000 I wasn't there the day that it happened, but it was the place that I was going.

01:43:41.000 I was like, okay, looks like I'm getting my weed in a different spot now.

01:43:43.000 Yeah, that's a good call. 1.00

01:43:44.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:43:45.000 Because they weren't allowed to buy things with credit cards. 1.00

01:43:49.000 So you would go there and you would have to use cash.

01:43:52.000 And I guess they had a bunch of cash on hand and people getting shot.

01:43:55.000 I don't know, actually, if they were allowed to use credit cards back then.

01:43:57.000 But now you can.

01:43:58.000 I mean, now it's essentially, like, full out.

01:44:00.000 But in Denver, they're having real issues still because they won't let them deposit money the same way.

01:44:08.000 Like, you have to get cash.

01:44:10.000 For a lot of the places, we're only allowing them to get cash.

01:44:13.000 And then you have to bring this cash to, like, safe deposit boxes and stuff.

01:44:17.000 And it was, like, real scam.

01:44:19.000 They were hiring mercs. 0.99

01:44:20.000 They were hiring mercenaries to fucking carry the cash around. 0.99

01:44:23.000 So they have these, you know, former Navy Seals and shit, carrying fucking M16s, walking around with bags of cash and worried about being robbed. 1.00

01:44:32.000 And people did get robbed. 1.00

01:44:33.000 That's crazy.

01:44:34.000 Nah, sketchy stuff, man.

01:44:35.000 I mean, my experience there was like, because edibles were something I never really liked.

01:44:39.000 I did them once when I was like in college, like the end of college, and I was in Amsterdam and I ate like a space cake, you know?

01:44:45.000 And it was great.

01:44:46.000 I had a great time.

01:44:46.000 And then the next day, we were leaving.

01:44:48.000 I was with my friends, and we were getting on a train at Brussels.

01:44:50.000 And I ate two space cakes.

01:44:53.000 Because I was like, yesterday's space cake...

01:44:54.000 Dude, I was on a train for like four hours in a tunnel.

01:44:58.000 Like... 0.99

01:44:59.000 I was like, get me off this fucking train, dude. 0.99

01:45:01.000 And I vividly remembered... 0.99

01:45:03.000 I was like, I will never do this again.

01:45:05.000 But now they're like...

01:45:07.000 It's like portioned out.

01:45:09.000 When you go to Denver, she's like, one gummy bear? 0.59

01:45:11.000 Try it.

01:45:12.000 It's 10 milligrams of marijuana?

01:45:14.000 Try half.

01:45:14.000 I think they have a rule now.

01:45:16.000 They sell them to you in these...

01:45:17.000 When I was in Denver, I bought these tubes, and the tube had 10 gummy bears in them.

01:45:22.000 And each one was 10 milligrams.

01:45:24.000 And so if you eat the whole one, you go to space.

01:45:26.000 You eat the whole tube, you go to space.

01:45:28.000 Or you can do it one gummy at a time.

01:45:30.000 They were actually gum drops.

01:45:32.000 They weren't bears.

01:45:33.000 Yeah, but that's exactly what...

01:45:35.000 That night I was out with you and Chappelle, I had a pocket full of those things.

01:45:37.000 Yeah, I gave you one of those.

01:45:38.000 One of those tubes that we...

01:45:39.000 I had a bunch of them sitting back there.

01:45:41.000 I'm like, I'm not going to take these with me.

01:45:42.000 Oh, yeah.

01:45:42.000 And I also had the little caramels, too.

01:45:46.000 Those things are good.

01:45:46.000 You just got to get them from a reliable source.

01:45:49.000 Yeah.

01:45:49.000 You get them from a reliable source and they're consistent, then you're okay.

01:45:52.000 But you take some big chances when you take an edible from somebody.

01:45:55.000 No kidding.

01:45:56.000 I never do it.

01:45:57.000 I won't do it.

01:45:57.000 People are like, oh, I made brownies.

01:45:58.000 I'm like, good luck, dude. 1.00

01:45:59.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:45:59.000 Good luck. 1.00

01:46:00.000 Yeah.

01:46:00.000 Especially someone who makes them themselves.

01:46:02.000 Oh my god, it's so shady. 1.00

01:46:04.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:46:06.000 Anytime anyone makes something themselves for some reason, I'm always like, what's your kitchen look like? 1.00

01:46:12.000 I went to a Chinese restaurant kitchen the other day.

01:46:14.000 It was a really good restaurant.

01:46:15.000 I'm like, where's your bathroom?

01:46:16.000 They go in the back, and I walk through this hallway and past the kitchen.

01:46:19.000 I was like, whoop, not eating here again.

01:46:20.000 Ever.

01:46:21.000 Jesus Christ.

01:46:22.000 Well, that happens a lot of comedy clubs, right?

01:46:23.000 You go through the kitchen to get to the green room, and then they're like, what do you want for food?

01:46:27.000 You're like, anything deep fried.

01:46:29.000 Yeah.

01:46:30.000 Anything that's been murdered. 1.00

01:46:31.000 All the fucking bugs that possibly could be on it just torched away by boiling oil. 1.00

01:46:37.000 Yes, exactly. 1.00

01:46:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:46:39.000 Yeah, and then you're just eating shit. 0.99

01:46:40.000 When you go on the road, do you bring food? 1.00

01:46:42.000 Like, do you bring your healthy shit with you? 0.98

01:46:44.000 Well, if the hotel room has one of them little mini refrigerators, then I'll go to a Whole Foods. 0.99

01:46:49.000 And I'll get, like, kombucha and healthy food and snacks and stuff like that.

01:46:53.000 But I'm pretty strict with my diet. 0.99

01:46:54.000 I just don't eat too much shit. 0.99

01:46:56.000 I do what I call an 80-20 diet. 1.00

01:46:59.000 I give myself 80% healthy food, and 20% of the time I'll fuck off. 0.99

01:47:03.000 So I'll fuck off like one day a week. 0.99

01:47:05.000 But anything you want. 0.99

01:47:06.000 Yeah, I'll eat cheeseburgers, I'll eat fries, I'll eat a milkshake, but it's only like one day a week.

01:47:13.000 It's just not worth it.

01:47:14.000 I've done it too many times where I've eaten bad on the road, and then by the time Sunday rolls around, you're like, oh.

01:47:19.000 The road's tough, though.

01:47:20.000 It's hard.

01:47:21.000 Do you bring vitamins?

01:47:23.000 Yeah.

01:47:23.000 You do?

01:47:24.000 No, I do.

01:47:25.000 I bring vitamins.

01:47:26.000 I bring probiotics.

01:47:27.000 My company, Onnit, has this thing called Total Gut Health.

01:47:30.000 So I bring these packets of probiotics.

01:47:32.000 I think that's super important.

01:47:33.000 And it's all live stuff that exists off the substrate that's in the capsule so that you can actually get real live probiotics.

01:47:39.000 And then I eat probiotics, too.

01:47:41.000 All that stuff is really important if you want to maintain your immune system.

01:47:44.000 Yeah.

01:47:45.000 So that stuff and then just...

01:47:46.000 That's what I've been struggling with.

01:47:47.000 Salads.

01:47:48.000 Right now, I'm not sick, but I'm always fighting off a sore throat, because I'm on planes all the time.

01:47:56.000 Do you work out on the road?

01:47:58.000 Not really.

01:47:59.000 That's the thing too, man.

01:47:59.000 You've got to force yourself.

01:48:01.000 Something about being on the road, it's like I'm just laying in bed eating sandwiches.

01:48:04.000 That's what I do.

01:48:05.000 Don't you feel a little drained from the flight itself?

01:48:08.000 Yeah.

01:48:08.000 You feel ragged.

01:48:09.000 You feel gross.

01:48:11.000 By the way, that's the other thing, too, with America right now.

01:48:14.000 I've never posted a picture of food in my entire life.

01:48:17.000 I posted a photo of a Jimmy John's sandwich when I was in Chicago, just because we don't have Jimmy John's in New York.

01:48:23.000 So I was like, oh, great, Jimmy John's, I love Jimmy John's.

01:48:25.000 People were like, you can't eat Jimmy John's.

01:48:27.000 He's a da-da-da, he's a this, the guy, Jimmy John's, he's a hunter, he's a da-da-da. 0.99

01:48:31.000 I'm like...

01:48:31.000 Jimmy John's a bad guy?

01:48:33.000 Apparently.

01:48:33.000 What did Jimmy John do?

01:48:34.000 I guess, I don't know.

01:48:35.000 Let's find out.

01:48:36.000 He goes and hunts, like, big game.

01:48:38.000 He's a big game hunter. 1.00

01:48:40.000 Oh, like elephants and shit? 1.00

01:48:41.000 That kind of stuff? 0.98

01:48:41.000 Let's pull it up. 0.98

01:48:42.000 Let's find out what he's doing.

01:48:43.000 And he, uh, and he, uh, and then people were going, and then somebody goes, and he's a Republican.

01:48:47.000 I go, look, I said, the big game hunting thing I'll give you, but...

01:48:51.000 If I can't eat food made by a Republican...

01:48:54.000 Good luck finding a good steak.

01:48:55.000 What are you talking about?

01:48:57.000 What do you think those ranchers are?

01:48:58.000 But I love that people think that that's evil, being a Republican.

01:49:01.000 It's like, what?

01:49:02.000 It's crazy.

01:49:03.000 Ron Paul wasn't evil.

01:49:04.000 There's a lot of people that are Republicans that would fit into a lot of people's ideas of what would be a reasonable politician.

01:49:10.000 It's just, we think of Republican, we think of the rightest of the right wing, the hardest of the hard sell.

01:49:15.000 I mean, to me, the biggest issue is the environment, you know.

01:49:18.000 That's huge. 0.99

01:49:19.000 Well, he just fucking... 0.99

01:49:20.000 Environment and human and people having rights. 0.99

01:49:22.000 Yes. 0.94

01:49:22.000 Like, that's my biggest fear about right now is, like, gay people. 0.94

01:49:25.000 Like, I'm worried that they're not going to be able to get married.

01:49:27.000 You know, like, those are...

01:49:28.000 You're worried gay people aren't going to be able to get married?

01:49:30.000 Pull up to that microphone a little bit closer there.

01:49:31.000 I'm worried that, like, that could go away, you know?

01:49:34.000 Really?

01:49:35.000 Yeah.

01:49:35.000 You think that could happen?

01:49:36.000 Well, I mean... 0.97

01:49:36.000 I think gay people would be psyched. 0.97

01:49:38.000 Like, good enough to pay that bitch. 1.00

01:49:40.000 I'm tired of paying him. 1.00

01:49:41.000 I just feel like rights to me are the one thing that you can't fuck with, you know? 0.99

01:49:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:49:45.000 And, uh...

01:49:45.000 That's one right.

01:49:46.000 I wish they'd make straight marriage illegal. 1.00

01:49:49.000 Jimmy John's gourmet sandwiches. 0.96

01:49:51.000 Whoa, he kills leopards?

01:49:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:49:53.000 Okay, well the ram on the upper left-hand corner, got no problem with that because you eat rams and they're delicious.

01:49:57.000 They're sheep and then also you spend a lot of money to hunt one of those things and that money directly goes to conservation.

01:50:04.000 The bear, that's a grizzly bear.

01:50:06.000 It's a brown bear.

01:50:07.000 You don't eat those. 1.00

01:50:08.000 But you do have to kill some of those.

01:50:10.000 There is an issue in North America where they have too many grizzly bears in certain areas, like in Alaska, you actually have to kill a certain amount of them in order to keep the moose population stable because the bears eat all the moose calves. 0.67

01:50:22.000 What are you assuming that that's the place he's- That's a brown bear.

01:50:24.000 No, that's definitely a brown bear and that looks like Alaska.

01:50:27.000 I'm assuming that's what that is.

01:50:28.000 Well, most places that you kill brown bears, if it is legal, if he's killing that bear legally, which I assume it is because he's taking a photo of it, You spend so much money to kill those things, and that money directly goes to conservation.

01:50:41.000 It's a real catch-22, because the only reason why those things are alive and exist in high populations and aren't decimated, and then their wildlife habitat is protected, especially protecting habitat and wetlands for birds, for migrating birds, all that stuff comes from conservation money,

01:50:58.000 which all comes from hunting.

01:50:59.000 Hunting is absolutely the number one Biggest source of conservation for wildlife in the United States of America by far.

01:51:06.000 No debate about it.

01:51:08.000 But then you see him in the upper right-hand corner, he's got a leopard.

01:51:11.000 Okay, that's real tough to defend. 0.99

01:51:13.000 Because he's not eating that fucking leopard and you're shooting that leopard, you're just shooting it for a trophy. 0.99

01:51:18.000 Yeah, I mean, it's just so fucked up to me that anybody would do that. 1.00

01:51:21.000 Elephants. 0.99

01:51:22.000 Okay, but the deer in the middle, bottom, zero problem with that.

01:51:26.000 That's food.

01:51:27.000 Not only that, 2 million car accidents in the United States every year.

01:51:31.000 Excuse me, 1.5 million car accidents in the United States every year from people hitting deer, and 200 people die because of accidents involving people hitting deer with cars.

01:51:41.000 And unless you want to bring in wolves and mountain lions and overpopulate the suburbs with them, You're gonna have a problem with deer populations unless you have hunters.

01:51:49.000 That's just a fact.

01:51:50.000 And in places like the Hamptons, they're actually hiring snipers to go out and shoot them. 1.00

01:51:54.000 He killed a fucking rhino? 1.00

01:51:56.000 That's so fucked up. 1.00

01:51:56.000 He killed an elephant? 1.00

01:51:57.000 Look at him with his double thumbs up with an elephant.

01:51:59.000 Oof.

01:52:00.000 Yeah, so I found out about that and now I can't have sandwiches anymore, you know?

01:52:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:04.000 Oh, he killed a fucking giraffe? 1.00

01:52:06.000 Yeah, he just kills everything. 1.00

01:52:08.000 He killed a rhino?

01:52:09.000 Is that a lion?

01:52:11.000 Yep.

01:52:11.000 Jesus Christ.

01:52:12.000 Yeah.

01:52:14.000 It's all real sketchy stuff, man.

01:52:16.000 It's real sketchy stuff because in Africa, there's a great documentary that Louis Theroux did about African hunting farms, these wildlife sanctuaries that they have in Africa where they just hunt on them, these big high fence operations.

01:52:31.000 Africa was on the verge, these animals were on the verge of extinction just a few decades ago.

01:52:35.000 And now they're thriving in unheard of populations.

01:52:38.000 But it's only because people are paying to go over there and hunt them.

01:52:41.000 So they protect these animals. 0.99

01:52:43.000 And then what's even more fucked up, they use the term poacher all the time. 0.99

01:52:46.000 You know, these people are poaching. 0.99

01:52:48.000 Most of the time you think of poaching, you think, well, poachers are bad because poachers are the people that are killing elephants for their ivory.

01:52:54.000 They're killing rhinos for their horns. 1.00

01:52:55.000 But a lot of what poaching is is poor people that are just trying to eat. 0.99

01:52:59.000 Right.

01:52:59.000 And you know what they do to those poachers?

01:53:01.000 They fucking murder them, man. 1.00

01:53:02.000 They shoot them on sight. 1.00

01:53:03.000 So if someone's killing, like, a black buck or something like that, one of the game animals that they have that they eat, They're shooting at these people. 0.98

01:53:11.000 They're shooting at them, killing them left and right. 0.90

01:53:13.000 That's crazy. 0.98

01:53:14.000 They're leaving their bodies for the hyenas to eat.

01:53:15.000 Did you see the tiger thing that happened the other day?

01:53:18.000 Yes.

01:53:19.000 I didn't even understand that when I was reading about it, that they were like, oh, that's a tiger farm.

01:53:23.000 I'm like, what the hell's a tiger farm?

01:53:25.000 That bummed me out, man.

01:53:27.000 Well, people in...

01:53:29.000 Do you know this?

01:53:30.000 This is a fact.

01:53:30.000 We'll close on this because this is from my last Netflix special, but it's true.

01:53:34.000 There's more tigers in captivity in Texas than there are in all of the wild of the world.

01:53:38.000 What?

01:53:39.000 Yeah.

01:53:40.000 More tigers in people's backyards, in private collections, in Texas, than the rest of the planet Earth.

01:53:46.000 But just people who own pet tigers.

01:53:48.000 Yep.

01:53:49.000 Texas has no rules. 1.00

01:53:50.000 Texas is a really fucked up place. 1.00

01:53:52.000 For people that think that, you know, the government shouldn't own land. 0.99

01:53:56.000 Like, there's a lot of people that think that the state, federal government shouldn't own land.

01:53:59.000 They should give it to the state.

01:54:00.000 The problem with that is the state will then sell it off.

01:54:02.000 And a good example of that is...

01:54:04.000 Texas, of what could happen, is Texas has very little public land.

01:54:08.000 Texas is almost all private land.

01:54:10.000 So a lot of the hunting in Texas is all on private ranches. 0.98

01:54:14.000 And on these private ranches, you can kind of do whatever the fuck you want. 0.97

01:54:17.000 And they bring in all these animals from all over the world. 0.96

01:54:20.000 Like, there's an animal called a scimitar oryx.

01:54:24.000 And oryx in...

01:54:26.000 I think they're an Asian animal. 1.00

01:54:28.000 I forget where they're from.

01:54:29.000 But wherever they're from.

01:54:31.000 Maybe India? 0.87

01:54:32.000 Hmm.

01:54:32.000 Wherever they're from, they're very endangered.

01:54:35.000 Not in Texas. 0.99

01:54:36.000 In Texas, there's fucking thousands of them. 1.00

01:54:38.000 Crazy. 1.00

01:54:38.000 They're all over the place on these ranches. 1.00

01:54:40.000 So you can go and hunt what, in its native country, you wouldn't hunt because there's small populations of them.

01:54:46.000 But in Texas, they encourage hunting of them because they have overpopulation.

01:54:50.000 That animal right there.

01:54:51.000 Scimitar horned oryx.

01:54:53.000 Wow. 1.00

01:54:53.000 So you can go to these places in Texas and you can fucking shoot those guys. 1.00

01:54:57.000 And they're delicious. 1.00

01:54:58.000 That's where, what's his name?

01:54:59.000 Died.

01:55:01.000 Justice of the Supreme Court, what tells the name?

01:55:03.000 Oh, yeah, he died.

01:55:04.000 They think they whacked him.

01:55:06.000 People think they whacked him.

01:55:07.000 Well, he had died with a pillow on his face.

01:55:09.000 Did he?

01:55:10.000 Yeah, but there was a little bit of like...

01:55:12.000 Is that what happened?

01:55:13.000 Yeah, you know when the naked gun, when he throws the pillow out of him?

01:55:16.000 Yeah.

01:55:17.000 I'll tell you what, wasn't he really old?

01:55:19.000 He was like 70. He wasn't that old.

01:55:21.000 And he died with a pillow on his face? 1.00

01:55:22.000 He was snoring and his wife just, you fucking cunt. 1.00

01:55:25.000 I think he was alone. 1.00

01:55:25.000 Enough! 1.00

01:55:26.000 Yeah, he probably just had a heart attack. 0.57

01:55:27.000 He was kind of fat.

01:55:28.000 What was his name?

01:55:29.000 Justice Scalia?

01:55:30.000 Scalia, yeah. 1.00

01:55:31.000 He was kind of a dick, though. 0.99

01:55:32.000 Was he? 0.99

01:55:33.000 Well, he was a super right-wing guy, right?

01:55:34.000 Yeah, but not just right-wing.

01:55:36.000 Yeah, look.

01:55:36.000 There it is.

01:55:37.000 There's the pillow.

01:55:37.000 There's the murder.

01:55:38.000 I found Scalia dead with a pillow over his head, ranch over.

01:55:40.000 Well, he might have put that pillow over his head because people were talking in the other room and he wanted to be quiet.

01:55:45.000 I've put pillows over my head before people were talking.

01:55:47.000 We discovered a judge in bed, a pillow over his head.

01:55:50.000 His bedclothes were unwrinkled.

01:55:51.000 Eh, so then he probably just died.

01:55:53.000 Yep.

01:55:54.000 30,000 acre luxury ranch.

01:55:56.000 El Presidente suite.

01:55:58.000 Yep.

01:55:58.000 He's 79, yeah.

01:56:00.000 30,000 acres. 1.00

01:56:01.000 Fuck, that's huge. 1.00

01:56:02.000 Yeah, so these people would go to these ranches, and they still do. 1.00

01:56:05.000 They go to these ranches, and you can hunt wild African animals there. 1.00

01:56:08.000 That's nuts, man.

01:56:09.000 I had no idea.

01:56:09.000 Yeah, well, there's delicious animals there, too.

01:56:11.000 I've never hunted anything.

01:56:13.000 No?

01:56:13.000 Yeah.

01:56:14.000 Would you be interested in doing it?

01:56:15.000 I would be interested if I ate it.

01:56:17.000 I have no interest in killing something.

01:56:20.000 But I eat meat.

01:56:22.000 When I was in Australia, I spent like five days on a sheep station, which is like a big sheep farm.

01:56:28.000 It was amazing.

01:56:29.000 And I was like herding sheep on a motorcycle.

01:56:31.000 It was amazing.

01:56:32.000 That's cool.

01:56:33.000 So while I was there, he slaughtered two sheep.

01:56:35.000 And I was there when he slaughtered them.

01:56:37.000 And he slaughtered them by hand. 0.67

01:56:38.000 I brought them to the thing.

01:56:39.000 It was a really intense experience.

01:56:41.000 But that's what he does. 0.84

01:56:42.000 How do they slaughter them? 1.00

01:56:44.000 Do they shoot them in the head or do they cut their neck? 1.00

01:56:46.000 No, he just cut their neck. 1.00

01:56:46.000 And then he hangs them upside down. 1.00

01:56:48.000 It was a really intense thing to see. 1.00

01:56:49.000 Why don't they just shoot them? 1.00

01:56:50.000 Because if they shoot them, they die instantly. 1.00

01:56:52.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:56:52.000 Why would they cut their neck? 1.00

01:56:53.000 I don't know. 0.98

01:56:54.000 Cut their neck thing seems so cruel.

01:56:56.000 Yeah, it was weird.

01:56:56.000 It was me and these four Australian dudes.

01:56:59.000 I was just standing there drinking a beer.

01:57:01.000 Yeah, totally. 0.95

01:57:02.000 Just cut a sheep's neck, man. 1.00

01:57:04.000 That's how we do it on Long Island.

01:57:05.000 Yeah.

01:57:08.000 Yeah, East Hampton.

01:57:09.000 Yeah, where I grew up, we didn't cut any necks, you know?

01:57:13.000 I've thought about doing a show where I take people hunting that I've never hunted, like maybe comics, but I just don't think it's the right way to approach hunting.

01:57:21.000 I just think it's too confusing, it's too dark, and it's also...

01:57:26.000 It would make hunting a spectacle to me versus what it is now.

01:57:31.000 If I went with you and I went with people who knew what they were doing, I would do it, I guess.

01:57:37.000 I don't know.

01:57:38.000 My problem is also my hunting time is super precious.

01:57:40.000 I don't get that much of it.

01:57:41.000 I don't want to be teaching anybody.

01:57:43.000 I'm trying to figure it out myself.

01:57:44.000 Of course not.

01:57:45.000 And you go out with guys who are...

01:57:47.000 Experts.

01:57:48.000 Experts, yeah.

01:57:49.000 Yeah.

01:57:49.000 Rory, I've got to wrap this up.

01:57:50.000 All right.

01:57:51.000 Thanks for having me, man.

01:57:52.000 Please.

01:57:52.000 My pleasure.

01:57:53.000 Tell people how to get a hold of you, where they can see you, what's your website, what's your Twitter?

01:57:57.000 My website's just my name, roryalbanese.com.

01:58:00.000 Spell it out so they're...

01:58:01.000 R-O-R-Y-A-L-B-A-N-E-S-E dot com.

01:58:06.000 I'm doing a bunch of shows coming up.

01:58:07.000 I'm in Webster, New York.

01:58:09.000 I'm in San Antonio, Texas on the 16th.

01:58:12.000 Webster, New York this weekend.

01:58:13.000 I'm down at Zaney's in Tennessee doing a secret show in Philadelphia on...

01:58:17.000 Ooh, secret.

01:58:18.000 Secret.

01:58:20.000 Then I got a bunch of dates in May.

01:58:22.000 Just check out my website.

01:58:24.000 My name, Instagram, Rory Albanese, Twitter, all those things.

01:58:27.000 Check him out, folks. 0.99

01:58:28.000 He's a funny motherfucker. 0.99

01:58:28.000 Let's do this more often. 0.99

01:58:29.000 Thanks, brother.

01:58:30.000 Appreciate it, man.

01:58:31.000 My pleasure.

01:58:32.000 Bye!

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 28, 2017

Joe Rogan Experience #924 - Rory Albanese

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript