The Roseanne Barr Podcast - Michael Malice ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #003

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00:00:46.400 Hi, it's Roseanne.

00:00:47.960 I'm in trouble again with Satanists.

00:00:51.020 But anyways, here was the joke that I said.

00:00:54.840 Yes, Biden definitely got 81 million votes by winning 36 counties.

00:01:01.700 It's true, absolutely.

00:01:03.360 And they were right to censor us so that we couldn't question it.

00:01:06.740 And if we did question that,

00:01:08.340 then we would be kicked off of all social media and ruined for life.

00:01:11.940 Of course, they were right to do that.

00:01:13.800 It was absolutely true that you can get 81 million jokes by winning 36 counties.

00:01:20.580 And no Jews died in the Holocaust either.

00:01:23.140 It's a great joke. I love the joke.

00:01:24.600 It's a good joke. I've been getting laughs off it.

00:01:26.780 So instead, they actually believed that I was telling the truth about Biden getting 81 million jokes.

00:01:32.980 So they cut that out.

00:01:34.680 Right.

00:01:34.900 Or did they cut it out because they knew the context would show that it's obvious bullshit that Joe Biden got 81 million votes?

00:01:40.840 I think they actually believe he got 81 million votes because they believe there's 81 million people living in 36 counties.

00:01:49.500 Well, they believe that you are a Holocaust denier.

00:01:51.840 These are the stupidest fucking people that we've ever dealt with as a country or as a people.

00:01:56.160 Every time that they've canceled you, because you've been canceled so many times in your life.

00:02:00.040 You've been canceled by the right, the left, by Nazis, by Jews now.

00:02:03.100 And I just got to say, you've never really been able to explain yourself because what they do is they...

00:02:08.220 Well, there's no freedom of speech in America, and there hasn't been for a very, very long time.

00:02:13.920 Well, that's true.

00:02:14.600 But what they do to you specifically, for some reason you just piss these people off, they always take a joke.

00:02:20.160 You're a comedian.

00:02:21.080 You never really get in trouble for anything you say in a speech or an interview.

00:02:24.860 It's when you tell a joke, and they always take the joke out of context, and then they paint you however they want.

00:02:29.880 And then they never let you explain your joke.

00:02:32.180 And that's what they've been doing to you, and they cancel.

00:02:34.580 So I'm really excited.

00:02:35.880 You know, it's what they did to Lenny Bruce, too.

00:02:37.740 And I always have Lenny in my mind.

00:02:39.800 Well, there aren't a lot of comics that are layered like that or actual intellectuals.

00:02:46.040 So they can't do it.

00:02:47.300 I mean, let's be real.

00:02:48.880 Most of this shit is just fart and dick jokes.

00:02:51.500 But, you know, occasionally you get an intellectual comic, and, you know, I mean, they do try to fuck with them.

00:02:58.780 But when I'm looking at Lenny, you know, they canceled and arrested and ruined his life because he's talking about the Catholic Church.

00:03:06.400 He said Jesus comes back, and the cardinal goes to the pope and goes, oh, my God, he's here.

00:03:13.020 And the pope goes, who?

00:03:14.400 He goes, him.

00:03:16.320 He goes, oh, my God, hide the rings.

00:03:18.500 Exactly.

00:03:18.940 Hide the jewelry.

00:03:19.740 Yeah.

00:03:20.120 Well, I just want to say.

00:03:21.120 And they killed him for it.

00:03:22.480 Of course.

00:03:23.000 You now have a podcast, so you can actually speak your mind.

00:03:26.540 That must be exciting for the first time, right?

00:03:28.240 Yeah.

00:03:28.760 They'll probably fuck me out of that, too.

00:03:31.780 No.

00:03:32.160 We control the podcast.

00:03:33.300 You cannot be canceled on this podcast.

00:03:34.940 You're safe.

00:03:35.140 Okay, well, I'm really pissed that they removed the premise.

00:03:38.100 How fucking dirty is that?

00:03:39.680 That'd be like going, Henny Youngman said, take my wife, please.

00:03:43.700 The guy's trying to traffic his wife.

00:03:46.860 Fucking dumb shits.

00:03:49.100 So I have to say, the people who are coming after me and saying that I denied the Holocaust

00:03:54.660 when everybody who knows anything about me, which I guess is a lot of people because a

00:03:59.460 lot of people are defending me.

00:04:00.940 I was raised in an apartment building with Holocaust survivors.

00:04:04.280 So, of course, I don't believe that the Holocaust never happened.

00:04:07.440 And I actually am a religious Jew.

00:04:09.520 So why don't you go fuck yourself?

00:04:10.980 We are under such heavy satanic mind control in this country, and I'm always trying to

00:04:16.480 break through to go get a little god in there.

00:04:19.280 That's what it is.

00:04:20.000 I just figured it out.

00:04:21.200 That's why they fucking hate you because you're like, well, talk about it.

00:04:24.480 Don't let them fucking get you.

00:04:25.920 You shouldn't even be mad.

00:04:26.900 You should be ashamed and embarrassed for them that they're so fucking easily manipulated

00:04:31.720 and led.

00:04:32.440 They're this fucking vilely stupid.

00:04:35.100 Everything they do is stupid.

00:04:37.140 Everything they say is stupid.

00:04:38.560 Like, you know, everything they brought against Trump, they lose, lose, lose.

00:04:42.760 They're just hysterics.

00:04:44.280 They're just hysterical Satanists, and they lose.

00:04:47.220 God wins.

00:04:48.300 See you, fuckers.

00:04:50.360 That's great.

00:04:51.360 All right.

00:04:51.700 And then one last thing.

00:04:52.640 Hold on.

00:04:52.880 I can't leave yet.

00:04:54.360 I have to sell the gold now.

00:04:55.760 No, I wish.

00:04:57.120 We do have to sell gold.

00:04:58.540 I've been doing that without you.

00:04:59.740 I hope that's okay because I know you won't do it.

00:05:02.200 That's why you have a Jewish son, to sell gold, right?

00:05:05.240 We should intro that word.

00:05:06.760 This was, we have a podcast ready to go.

00:05:09.760 We interviewed Michael Malice, who we love.

00:05:11.440 He came and did a slideshow.

00:05:12.640 He accused you of all sorts of things that you're talking about.

00:05:15.500 So make sure to stay and listen to that.

00:05:17.920 But with all this shit breaking around today about the Nazi Holocaust denial bullshit.

00:05:23.060 I want to see this last thing I did.

00:05:24.520 I want to see the other thing I did.

00:05:25.840 We will.

00:05:26.440 But with all of that breaking, we felt like we should come and address it.

00:05:29.940 So this is my mother addressing it.

00:05:33.620 But after this, we're going to go into the podcast episode we did with Michael Malice.

00:05:38.380 Are you talking about this, or do you want me to say all that shit?

00:05:41.540 I was going to do it for you.

00:05:42.580 I just did it.

00:05:43.200 But do you want to do it?

00:05:44.160 No, I like it that you did it, and then I'll have to do it so I can go smoke.

00:05:47.300 Do you understand my role on this show?

00:05:50.500 No, I don't.

00:05:51.460 I do all of the work so you can just blabber and get us in trouble.

00:05:56.420 I sell the gold.

00:05:58.180 I set you up.

00:05:59.460 Well, Cleopatra sent all her gold away from Rome to Jerusalem with the Jews.

00:06:04.580 Well, we'll put that in the next ad.

00:06:05.780 But I'm just saying, do you know that I'm here to host for you, right?

00:06:10.060 Do you know how much I love you?

00:06:11.300 I mean co-host.

00:06:12.400 I love you.

00:06:12.980 Do you know how much I love you because you save me every day?

00:06:16.680 Aw, that's so sweet.

00:06:17.760 Well, I love you.

00:06:18.600 I love you, too.

00:06:19.340 And I'm here to help, so maybe, you know, let me fucking talk once in a while.

00:06:23.740 Oh, you'll go get a cigarette.

00:06:24.840 All right.

00:06:25.140 Thank you, bud.

00:06:29.040 Okay, well, first, tell me.

00:06:31.100 Mom, I know you're a professional, but you can't scream into the mic like this.

00:06:36.460 You either have to keep, if you're going to be loud, back your head up.

00:06:38.920 He's going to be loud.

00:06:39.880 If you're going to do your monotone, then get your monotone here, right?

00:06:43.020 And then if you're going to be loud, come back.

00:06:44.620 All right.

00:06:45.340 Do you need me to move the mic?

00:06:47.660 God.

00:06:48.520 Well, I've been editing your fucking audio, so I'm going to kill you.

00:06:53.080 Whatever.

00:06:53.900 Here's how I'm going to talk.

00:06:55.540 Turn it down, motherfucker.

00:06:57.840 I will, but then you're going to go, and then I was on Jew for 40 years.

00:07:00.940 No, I'm not.

00:07:02.080 He weighed 914.

00:07:04.000 I had to push for three hours to get his fat ass out in the world.

00:07:07.760 And now he's acting like he knows more than me.

00:07:13.920 Well, apparently I do, because I know not to scream into the mic.

00:07:18.460 How do you think she got famous?

00:07:20.800 Scream into the mic.

00:07:21.620 No, you're doing great, Ma.

00:07:22.920 You're wonderful.

00:07:23.680 You're the best.

00:07:24.200 Okay.

00:07:24.800 Whenever you're ready, you want to start looking at the camera and introduce Michael?

00:07:28.320 What camera?

00:07:29.200 The other one blinds me.

00:07:30.540 Okay, thanks.

00:07:32.600 Let me know.

00:07:33.340 And we are rolling.

00:07:36.160 Hi, everybody.

00:07:38.100 Well, welcome to my podcast.

00:07:45.820 Hey, you.

00:07:47.880 Anyway, I'm so excited to have my guest, Michael Malice.

00:07:53.200 Hi, Michael.

00:07:54.580 Okay, boomer.

00:07:58.240 What have you got to say for yourself, bitch?

00:08:01.360 I got, listen, I've never thought I'm going to have Roseanne Barr as my opening act, so

00:08:08.040 I have nothing to follow.

00:08:08.980 I cannot follow that routine.

00:08:11.400 I'm sorry.

00:08:13.980 Well, you said you brought a slideshow, but I want to thank you for like getting me, honey.

00:08:19.800 It means so much to me.

00:08:21.500 Well, you get what I do.

00:08:23.400 Sometimes I feel so lonely and depressed and betrayed that people, they're not getting

00:08:31.200 that it's comedy, you know?

00:08:33.960 It's lonely sometimes.

00:08:35.840 So I really appreciate it.

00:08:37.440 Well, let me ask you this.

00:08:39.460 You know how sometimes...

00:08:40.800 I have the smartest fucking greatest fans, though.

00:08:44.080 I really do.

00:08:44.940 Because they sound smart because you don't let them talk and you're just...

00:08:47.400 That's right.

00:08:47.680 So they sound smart.

00:08:48.580 That's true.

00:08:49.880 Especially when they go, you're right.

00:08:51.740 Do you think that being guarded...

00:08:57.740 You know how sometimes you'll have an idea as a kid and then when you get older, like

00:09:00.880 it's time to discard that idea and revisit it, you know, because you're not that same

00:09:03.540 person?

00:09:04.320 Do you think maybe the level of fame you had at your peak is something you can't really

00:09:09.500 get today unless you're president, right?

00:09:11.020 Because media has gotten so disparate and broken up.

00:09:14.520 You were there where there's like five networks.

00:09:16.460 Like to be number one is like something people can't wrap their heads around today.

00:09:19.940 No.

00:09:20.420 Do you think you kind of had to build barriers then that you still haven't kind of chipped

00:09:24.920 away?

00:09:25.900 What do you mean by barriers?

00:09:27.080 Like you have to have all these like...

00:09:28.580 You have to keep arm's length from people.

00:09:30.160 Everyone's a piece of you.

00:09:31.160 Everyone's up in your business.

00:09:32.840 You know, everyone wants to, you know, talk about how they're close to you.

00:09:35.880 You know, you're a commodity.

00:09:36.920 Well, you are the cash cow, that's for sure.

00:09:40.280 When you see yourself totally objectified into, you know, a cash machine, it's horrifying.

00:09:48.180 And all the people around you are like, cha-ching, cha-ching.

00:09:51.760 Oh, tell her whatever she wants to hear.

00:09:53.500 Yeah.

00:09:53.800 Cha-ching.

00:09:54.340 You know, she's killing herself.

00:09:55.820 Cha-ching.

00:09:56.900 I want to give her more.

00:09:58.340 Give her more.

00:09:59.200 It keeps her quiet.

00:10:00.580 Cha-ching, cha-ching.

00:10:01.600 It's pretty horrifying, but, you know, God pulled me through it.

00:10:07.540 But it's lonely.

00:10:09.220 I think most people like that get that kind of fame where they're one namers, you know,

00:10:14.220 they die.

00:10:16.420 They really do.

00:10:17.160 They die real isolated, painful.

00:10:20.880 I don't think...

00:10:21.720 I think...

00:10:22.180 Listen, it's hard for any of us to have self-awareness.

00:10:24.720 I think it might be hard for you to appreciate how even to this day how beloved you are.

00:10:31.780 You know, that was always hard for me, I have to say.

00:10:34.840 It's always been hard for me because I came up as a comic and that's a fuck you, you know.

00:10:40.120 Right.

00:10:40.280 It's like being raised to go, yeah, well, fuck that.

00:10:44.420 You know, that's being a comic and I always held tight to that.

00:10:49.780 And I didn't...

00:10:51.660 I wasn't able to feel love.

00:10:55.420 That's what it was.

00:10:56.860 I wasn't able to accept or receive it.

00:10:59.440 I had a lot of barriers up.

00:11:01.480 And I think I kind of learned to begin to feel it and it was okay getting fired.

00:11:12.820 It was the best thing for me in my life because I received kindness and love and I wanted to accept it.

00:11:26.760 But I didn't want to go, oh, yeah, well...

00:11:29.980 I wanted to accept it and I did.

00:11:33.440 It was great.

00:11:34.720 But also just when I see you at the Comedy...

00:11:36.900 Joe's Club, the Comedy Mothership and the way the audience reacts, it's like you'll make a joke but they're losing their minds.

00:11:43.740 Not because the joke is the most amazing thing they've heard, but it's like, holy crap, I'm in the room with Roseanne.

00:11:48.080 Roseanne is making me laugh.

00:11:49.320 It's when you, like, having grown up with you, when, you know, there's like, I'm sure like when you were 13, 14, that band you liked, right?

00:11:56.100 If you found them in as an adult, it's not going to have the same effect.

00:11:58.860 But when you grow up with the band, they're always going to have a kind of place in your heart.

00:12:02.740 Yeah, because you're in your room with the hair part.

00:12:05.480 Yeah, exactly.

00:12:06.060 Yeah.

00:12:06.960 It's part of your fantasy.

00:12:08.400 Yeah.

00:12:08.680 So like, Roseanne, you were like, like you said yourself, you were like America's mom.

00:12:11.560 Like you were, so people, you made people, including myself, a lot of people laugh for a long time and then you stopped.

00:12:19.000 You know, every comic does that.

00:12:21.480 What do you mean?

00:12:21.800 Every comic stops for a while and they get real serious.

00:12:25.340 Sure, but.

00:12:25.820 Like I'm thinking of the ones I love, like Dick Gregory and especially him and, you know, even Richard Pryor.

00:12:34.120 And, you know, I still, I loved Bill Cosby and, you know, I, I feel he's a tortured soul, but yeah, he got real serious for a while in his art.

00:12:45.480 Yeah.

00:12:46.200 And I remember he did a show on, uh, whatever that fucking lib shit is.

00:12:54.280 EBS.

00:12:55.140 Yeah.

00:12:55.560 It was very good.

00:12:56.580 And that's when they used to have respect for artists way back when in the day, you know, but, uh, yeah.

00:13:09.540 Okay.

00:13:09.980 Good talk.

00:13:13.880 I'm so boring.

00:13:15.120 You're not boring.

00:13:16.280 I'm sorry.

00:13:17.520 If you're boring, people wouldn't want to listen to you.

00:13:20.800 Well, I can go on.

00:13:22.260 I mean, when you're old, you can just drone on like a fucking psychotic old hog for days.

00:13:30.160 And that is one of the bad things about being famous because like people keep letting me do it.

00:13:36.480 You know, I think they should go, Hey, you know, it's a, we've heard it.

00:13:42.120 They'll never tell you that.

00:13:43.960 Okay.

00:13:44.200 We've heard it.

00:13:45.440 Okay.

00:13:46.400 Roseanne.

00:13:47.100 We've heard it.

00:13:47.860 I mean, your grandkids will, but you know, and your kids, of course.

00:13:51.740 So they can't wait to tell you you're fucked up.

00:13:54.480 Your kids are like, mother, have you been drinking?

00:13:57.760 You know, they can't wait.

00:13:59.000 Did you smoke pot?

00:14:00.520 Because every time you smoke pot, you're like all unfocused and stuff.

00:14:05.420 So is it, did they tell you you took the wrong crazy pills?

00:14:08.760 You took the pills that make you crazy, not the pills that don't make you crazy.

00:14:11.700 Well, they used to say, did you take your meds?

00:14:14.220 But now they, you know, they know I always take my meds.

00:14:18.380 Okay.

00:14:18.700 Good.

00:14:18.960 I, I used to forget my meds or not want to take them or rebel and go, I don't need any

00:14:24.440 dang meds.

00:14:26.340 Cause that's part of the whole mental health thing is like, I'm not taking these meds just

00:14:31.120 to please the people I'm abusing.

00:14:32.940 But then I got a little self reflection.

00:14:38.420 Wait.

00:14:38.880 So let me ask this.

00:14:40.320 When you were a kid, you were in a coma for a few days cause you got hit by a car?

00:14:44.020 When I was 16.

00:14:45.260 What's that?

00:14:46.420 For a couple of weeks.

00:14:47.820 Can you explain to people what that feels like to be in a coma?

00:14:49.920 How do you know what it's like to be in a coma?

00:14:52.260 You're in a fucking coma.

00:14:53.280 Fucking idiot.

00:14:55.400 Because when you wake up, you might have had dreams.

00:14:57.820 You might have some concept of a passage of time.

00:15:00.360 Yeah.

00:15:00.880 I woke up a different person.

00:15:02.700 My mom says, she also said, I wish you would have died in that accident.

00:15:07.580 Wow.

00:15:08.080 She said that.

00:15:08.820 She goes, you're nothing but, you're horrible.

00:15:12.020 Cause I did, I did come back a totally different person.

00:15:16.200 What does that mean?

00:15:17.280 A totally different person?

00:15:18.160 I've always wanted to ask you this cause I've heard this before.

00:15:20.620 What does that mean?

00:15:22.780 Like, were you not, not nice anymore?

00:15:25.500 I wasn't the old Roseanne.

00:15:27.860 Well, now you're the old Roseanne.

00:15:29.160 I talked to Sharon Stone about it and she says, oh, that, she says that she had a stroke

00:15:34.580 and that she believes a walk-in came into her body.

00:15:37.920 Like a walk-in spirit?

00:15:38.760 Uh-huh.

00:15:39.520 She said, well, that's probably what happened to you.

00:15:41.740 I said, no, I don't believe it was a walk-in cause I, I know what happened.

00:15:48.160 I was like, I was just over the bullshit.

00:15:50.360 I almost died.

00:15:52.500 In fact, I think I did die.

00:15:55.520 Cause a hood ornament went like three inches into my brain.

00:15:59.160 Do you still have like a scar there?

00:16:00.460 Yeah, I have a scar.

00:16:01.300 I had a skull and a brain concussion.

00:16:05.040 And, you know, like a lot of these football players, they get that head injury and I always

00:16:09.280 follow that and read about it cause it does change your personality.

00:16:12.460 Yes.

00:16:13.660 And, uh, I was like, um, started listening to the, uh, songs of the sixties and

00:16:20.860 fantasizing that I was a hippie.

00:16:25.720 Okay.

00:16:26.000 I was like, pretty straight.

00:16:29.180 Like before I got hit by the car, I was like, I'm, me and my best friend Sherry are going

00:16:34.680 to make twin dresses in home ec.

00:16:37.540 In fact, we were wearing the twin dresses that we hand sewed in home ec when I got hit

00:16:42.680 by the car and Sherry saw the car coming and ran.

00:16:46.180 And she didn't go, Hey, watch out or anything.

00:16:50.800 And it was like slam.

00:16:53.400 And, uh, uh, I woke up and I was just a hippie.

00:16:58.760 Remember when you told me when you were a hippie, I want to ask you about that.

00:17:01.320 Cause my favorite, you said you used to go down to the street corner with an acoustic

00:17:04.420 guitar.

00:17:05.080 Oh God.

00:17:05.560 No.

00:17:05.860 Are you still with that voice?

00:17:07.000 Yeah.

00:17:07.900 The voice isn't even the worst part.

00:17:10.000 She didn't know how to play guitar.

00:17:13.500 She would go on the street corner and she would.

00:17:16.160 Strung guitar and sing like Bob Dylan.

00:17:18.780 No chords.

00:17:19.540 Can you give us, can you give us a few advice for that?

00:17:22.260 Oh, you're killing, you're killing Roseanne Barr.

00:17:24.160 No.

00:17:24.420 Barr Dylan.

00:17:27.880 It's followed.

00:17:29.200 Oh my God.

00:17:29.960 Are you okay?

00:17:30.900 No.

00:17:31.460 Didn't you go strum the guitar without doing the chords?

00:17:34.140 Can you tell us about that?

00:17:35.280 Yeah.

00:17:37.120 Do you need a minute?

00:17:37.940 It's like Neil Hamburger.

00:17:41.500 Sorry.

00:17:42.260 You want to sip of my water?

00:17:44.160 Yeah.

00:17:44.620 Thanks.

00:17:45.240 Of course.

00:17:46.160 What kind of songs would you sing?

00:17:47.980 Well, I sang the Bob Dylan.

00:17:49.500 I thought, you know, I have to admit I was the worst because I didn't even know how to

00:17:54.740 play or nothing.

00:17:55.800 I thought I was bad.

00:17:56.900 But then I went to camp and there was this camp counselor and I swear to God, when I heard

00:18:03.480 her sing that song, it was so hilarious that it ruined the song for me.

00:18:10.360 But here's what she did.

00:18:11.500 She had her fingers and she goes like this.

00:18:15.000 How, she's watching her fingers on the guitar.

00:18:17.840 How many roads change?

00:18:21.740 Must a man walk down?

00:18:26.180 Change.

00:18:26.600 But yeah, I did that and I had a big old hippie dress that I sewed myself out of Sears blue

00:18:37.920 sheets.

00:18:38.540 And then I strung some fake flowers on a string and I made something like 60 strands of love

00:18:54.440 beads that I sewed and tied knots around my neck.

00:18:58.620 I could never even move them to take a shower or anything.

00:19:04.060 And then I walked barefoot in that dress with my guitar all over the place.

00:19:12.240 What was up with that dress you wore on Carson the first time?

00:19:15.180 That big pink dress.

00:19:18.160 Oh my God.

00:19:19.340 My friend Lanny.

00:19:20.580 No, the first time I was on Carson, I wore a black jacket with a carnation.

00:19:26.080 Okay.

00:19:26.480 You know which one dress I'm talking about?

00:19:27.560 This big pink dress.

00:19:29.160 Yeah, that was the house dress.

00:19:31.060 Yeah.

00:19:31.300 What was up with that?

00:19:32.840 Well, I couldn't find nothing that fit me in California.

00:19:35.340 By God, there were a bunch of fucking fascists even back then.

00:19:38.640 And they had a law that you couldn't go above the size 12 or a bunch of people would die

00:19:44.340 or something.

00:19:45.940 I couldn't find anything to wear.

00:19:48.300 You're one of the very few people I can ask this.

00:19:51.120 You, Joe, and Alex.

00:19:53.320 Can you do a Roseanne Barr impression?

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00:20:45.740 Yeah.

00:20:46.980 Let's hear it.

00:20:48.220 Well, which one?

00:20:49.340 There's a lot of them.

00:20:50.400 Like Roseanne, Roseanne, Roseanne Connor.

00:20:53.740 Roseanne Connor.

00:20:55.660 Oh, yeah, let's see.

00:20:58.460 Yeah, like I told you you were supposed to do it, didn't I?

00:21:03.920 That's Roseanne Connor.

00:21:07.160 That's the worst Roseanne Connor of everything.

00:21:09.740 Yeah, she's supposed to be fat.

00:21:12.640 Yeah.

00:21:13.180 Everyone always is like, no matter who I talk to, they're like, yeah, I saw your mom.

00:21:17.200 And no one has ever been like, she said this.

00:21:19.020 They always go, yeah, I saw your mom on TV.

00:21:20.620 She was all, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:21:22.260 Every fucking time.

00:21:24.700 Every time.

00:21:25.640 Everybody does.

00:21:26.620 It's so funny.

00:21:27.380 Is that Roseanne talking or is someone sharpening a pencil?

00:21:31.620 That's a good one.

00:21:33.380 I never heard any of those jokes.

00:21:35.460 There must be some out there.

00:21:37.460 What, about your voice?

00:21:38.280 Yeah.

00:21:38.800 I mean, you've got, I have a distinctive voice, but not as much as you.

00:21:41.620 You've got such a distinctive.

00:21:42.540 Did people make fun of you growing up?

00:21:44.800 No.

00:21:45.300 Nobody ever said nothing about it until I went on TV.

00:21:48.420 Not ever.

00:21:49.380 Are you serious?

00:21:50.100 Yeah, not ever.

00:21:51.020 What were some of the other weird comments you got when you became known?

00:21:56.500 She's too fat to be a star.

00:21:58.440 Okay, yeah, sure.

00:21:59.140 Kind of thing.

00:22:03.200 That's mostly the comment.

00:22:05.820 Well, don't they know stars are massive?

00:22:07.920 Har har.

00:22:09.160 Har har?

00:22:10.440 Who says that?

00:22:11.380 Har har?

00:22:12.240 I'm downgrading you as a fan now.

00:22:15.200 Let's see.

00:22:17.200 Downgrade.

00:22:22.240 Well, I can tell you what I read in magazines that shocked me.

00:22:25.920 Sure.

00:22:26.280 Like, there was a big article in Esquire about me, how I'm not funny.

00:22:30.400 Oh.

00:22:30.680 You know, they all took off after me.

00:22:34.360 Like, Bill Cosby at the time, way back in the day, he told me, he goes, God, they're

00:22:41.040 going after you like you've been in show business for 50 years.

00:22:45.100 I go, I know.

00:22:46.240 It's because I'm, you know, I'm a girl.

00:22:49.300 So I expected I'm a fat girl.

00:22:51.420 I'm a smart girl.

00:22:52.240 Like, when I grew up, you know, it's like, I wasn't going to get no dates, and my mom

00:23:00.100 and dad made that clear to me that I wasn't going to get no dates.

00:23:04.060 One, that I had no ass or waist, so that, for sure, you're not going to get no dates.

00:23:09.860 Well, you had a waist.

00:23:10.860 It just was, it was like a hoof.

00:23:14.100 Yeah, a hoof to a hoof.

00:23:17.140 No, I had no waist, no ass.

00:23:19.720 And I was built like my dad, a barrel, and with skinny legs.

00:23:26.560 My grandma was built like that, too.

00:23:28.400 But, I forget what I'm even talking about with your useless interruptions.

00:23:36.500 What was I even talking about?

00:23:38.520 I was talking about criticism you got when you read in magazines.

00:23:41.960 You were going to tell us some of the ones you read, like Bill Cosby was saying.

00:23:45.160 Oh, yeah, well, he said, they're going after you like you're a veteran in my first year

00:23:49.940 on television.

00:23:52.300 You know, they don't, oh, when I was growing up, my mom said, you're not going to get no

00:23:56.160 dates because, you know, you got a big mouth and, you know, you're rude, you know, all that

00:24:03.940 stuff.

00:24:04.200 But, I was rude because I was funny.

00:24:06.880 So, you weren't allowed to be rude or funny or intelligent or fat or a girl or a Jewish

00:24:15.200 girl.

00:24:15.640 Oh, for five.

00:24:17.000 So, that was five strikes I had against me right there, you know.

00:24:20.660 Well, it protected you against Cosby, probably, honestly.

00:24:23.820 Wow.

00:24:24.200 Yeah, I keep giving her pills that she's still awake.

00:24:26.840 No, I never did meet him.

00:24:28.480 That's why.

00:24:29.160 We just talked on the phone.

00:24:30.540 Oh, God, you're lucky.

00:24:32.120 He wouldn't have wanted to fuck me.

00:24:33.540 Nobody ever wanted to fuck me in Hollywood.

00:24:35.540 That's why I didn't ever go to any of these Babylonian child-eating cult parties they have

00:24:41.280 there.

00:24:41.740 That's not true.

00:24:42.360 You did go to a sex party, you told me, in the line.

00:24:45.400 That was in San Francisco.

00:24:47.120 Oh, can you tell us?

00:24:48.580 Oh, no.

00:24:49.220 Yeah, that's the worst fucking nightmare thing that I've ever seen.

00:24:52.320 It's human on Michael's face.

00:24:53.680 Let's hear.

00:24:54.580 What do I hear?

00:24:55.100 Now, I want to see the slideshow.

00:24:56.900 I'll tell that one later.

00:24:58.440 You've got to tell.

00:24:59.440 You don't want to?

00:25:00.040 I can cut it out if you don't want to.

00:25:01.120 It's so long.

00:25:02.120 So it's time to pay it up.

00:25:03.160 This is a podcast.

00:25:04.120 This isn't TikTok.

00:25:05.320 Yeah, we have an hour to kill.

00:25:07.200 It's not like I have anything interesting to say.

00:25:08.800 Well, this girl that was on my show, she's like, oh, they're having a big old gay Halloween

00:25:16.640 sex party up there in San Francisco.

00:25:19.380 We should go.

00:25:20.340 And this was way back when, when I was like, you know, I never did nothing in my life.

00:25:26.220 So I was like, yeah, I want to do all these.

00:25:28.380 I want to see all this worldly stuff because I come from a really religious, crazy religious

00:25:34.880 Orthodox.

00:25:36.200 I'm like, yeah, I might as well see what it's like the other half lives.

00:25:39.600 It's really hot.

00:25:43.520 And they had this big old sex party in like this big old Costco type place.

00:25:48.840 Huge.

00:25:50.020 A huge like empty concrete building.

00:25:53.600 So me being an idiot, I was going to go and discuss.

00:25:57.080 I don't want everybody to go, hey, there's Roseanne Connor, you know, to the sex party.

00:26:02.660 Would you go to which Goodman?

00:26:03.920 Were you disguised as John Goodman?

00:26:05.840 No, even worse.

00:26:09.480 What was your disguises?

00:26:11.160 I wore a big old peacoat, big old jeans.

00:26:17.600 I don't know how I got this, but it was a big old lion head.

00:26:21.780 No, no.

00:26:24.080 I can't remember how I got it.

00:26:26.080 Stop.

00:26:26.560 Are you serious?

00:26:27.220 Yeah.

00:26:27.800 And it was about 900 degrees in this.

00:26:30.520 The minute I walked in and put it on, I just started sweating like a bitch.

00:26:36.300 And I was like, I thought I was going to faint and die.

00:26:40.320 It was 900 degrees in there like when they lock kids in cars and they die.

00:26:45.360 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:45.780 You got a feeling?

00:26:46.220 Oh, my God.

00:26:48.280 I was like, why did I wear a peacoat and a lion head?

00:26:52.100 It was so hot.

00:26:53.280 I really thought I was going to die.

00:26:54.700 Well, we went in.

00:26:57.200 And the minute I stepped in the place, I thought I was going to die.

00:27:01.140 Because it got so hot really fast.

00:27:04.080 And it was packed.

00:27:06.180 You couldn't even take a step in either direction for people being everywhere.

00:27:10.540 And were people having sex?

00:27:12.640 Well, first I didn't see nothing.

00:27:14.540 I was just like, can I turn around and go back out?

00:27:17.440 Because I'm going to faint.

00:27:18.920 Well, you can't see anything out of that lion head anymore.

00:27:20.980 Well, it had two eyeballs.

00:27:22.920 I couldn't see.

00:27:23.820 Out of the nostrils.

00:27:25.040 Like the Mike Myers from the Halloween movies.

00:27:29.900 So, anyway, were people having sex?

00:27:32.060 Well, then I was like, where's the exit?

00:27:34.980 And they go, oh, it's down there.

00:27:37.020 And I turn around to look.

00:27:38.400 It's like 900 miles down there.

00:27:41.200 And I'm like, I'm going to have to walk through this sea of folk to get the fuck out of here.

00:27:49.200 They won't let me out to the entrance.

00:27:51.120 That is, okay.

00:27:52.420 If it were this thing on your arm.

00:27:55.360 Okay, so I'm like, whatever I have to do to get out of here.

00:28:00.820 And I was like, just, my friend goes, just take off the mask.

00:28:05.140 I go, are you shitting me?

00:28:06.460 Well, I didn't say that yet.

00:28:09.400 So, the first thing I see, we walk through the door.

00:28:12.600 And it's a guy.

00:28:13.680 And he's leaning up against the doorway like there.

00:28:16.880 He's all naked with a great big old erection.

00:28:21.360 Taking himself in hand, if you know what I mean.

00:28:24.160 And with a big old smile, like, how are you folks doing?

00:28:33.780 I mean, I was kind of in shock.

00:28:37.560 Because I never seen nothing like that, you know.

00:28:39.900 Right.

00:28:40.260 Except for my nightmares.

00:28:41.840 Right.

00:28:42.640 The principal of my school, you know.

00:28:46.240 Something.

00:28:47.820 And then...

00:28:49.580 Wait, you want to speak about nightmares?

00:28:50.840 How about you're having sex with some chick and Roseanne Connor shows up wearing a lion head

00:28:54.540 and a peacoat.

00:28:55.500 My God.

00:28:56.500 Well, they didn't know it was Roseanne Connor.

00:28:58.060 I was like, hey guys, what's going on?

00:29:00.080 It's just like, I'm never having an erection again.

00:29:03.760 That could have been.

00:29:04.960 I should have did that to punish them.

00:29:06.980 Yes.

00:29:07.660 I should have did that.

00:29:08.820 Good Lord.

00:29:10.540 Anyway, then every few steps was another horrific scene that manipulated all my PSTDs and everything.

00:29:19.840 Yes.

00:29:21.000 U-S-D-Ds.

00:29:22.500 And D-D-Ds.

00:29:23.820 D-D-Ds.

00:29:24.380 And IUDs.

00:29:26.180 Everything with a D in it.

00:29:27.940 It was just all activated.

00:29:29.960 And I was sweating to death.

00:29:32.160 And I just saw people putting things where they don't belong.

00:29:37.720 That was my bending over in certain things in their certain areas.

00:29:45.240 But these are the women.

00:29:46.940 Okay.

00:29:47.700 Yeah.

00:29:47.920 And then you get a little farther and then there's some men doing some.

00:29:52.860 It's all like that.

00:29:54.160 This is Sodom and Gomorrah here.

00:29:58.520 This is like Sodom.

00:29:59.660 Maybe it's Nardia because there's a lion for some reason.

00:30:03.720 It was weird.

00:30:04.900 I never went to, you know, after that, I kind of went, I don't think I'm going to go out much.

00:30:11.840 Do you think that's what protected you in Hollywood?

00:30:14.140 Because, you know, we all hear all these stories about like the Hollywood sex parties and you're not ever brought up.

00:30:19.180 You're only brought up with the tweet when they say you're as bad as Harvey Weinstein.

00:30:22.840 But with the actual like Hollywood sex parties, you're never a part of that culture.

00:30:27.460 Nobody wanted to fuck me and they didn't invite me, of course.

00:30:30.400 Well.

00:30:30.860 Well, I mean, if they would invite me, maybe I would have went.

00:30:33.700 But except for I don't ever like having sex anyway.

00:30:37.440 Just having somebody sweat all over you and shit.

00:30:40.380 Like, after being married to Tom Arnold, that kind of ruined that.

00:30:45.540 Having somebody sweating on you.

00:30:47.700 Coke sweat's the wolf.

00:30:50.060 Coke sweat.

00:30:52.340 Well, anyway, so what was the next question, Michael?

00:30:56.140 Since we're in the Michael Malice podcast.

00:30:58.100 No, that's the side.

00:30:59.360 Look at that face.

00:31:00.160 She's stuck.

00:31:01.380 She's picturing Tom Arnold right now, aren't you?

00:31:03.720 Don't do it.

00:31:04.560 Don't do it, Mom.

00:31:06.120 Think of something else.

00:31:07.940 You like Paul Newman.

00:31:09.000 Think of Paul Newman.

00:31:09.620 Young Paul Newman.

00:31:12.520 Who was your childhood crush?

00:31:14.820 Paul Newman.

00:31:15.500 Was it Paul Newman?

00:31:16.280 Mm-hmm.

00:31:17.420 Oh, yeah, Paul Newman.

00:31:19.740 Have you ever met him?

00:31:20.640 She's back.

00:31:21.360 No, I never did meet him.

00:31:23.820 You know, I'd have to say no, I never did.

00:31:28.240 But I did meet Gregory Peck, who I also had a girlhood crush on at Gregory Peck.

00:31:34.080 And Sidney Poitier, I did meet him.

00:31:36.700 My God, did I love Sidney.

00:31:39.620 Poitier.

00:31:40.960 Was he nice in person?

00:31:42.700 Oh, my God.

00:31:43.660 What a doll.

00:31:44.700 Living doll.

00:31:45.800 Did we go on a date with Tony Curtis, too?

00:31:47.540 At one point, I kind of remember.

00:31:48.220 We don't discuss that.

00:31:49.460 Ooh.

00:31:49.820 Jamie Lee will have me off.

00:31:51.380 I'll cut it.

00:31:52.240 Oh, that never happened.

00:31:54.020 Okay.

00:31:54.220 No, don't cut it.

00:31:55.460 Oh.

00:31:55.600 I'd have to say.

00:31:57.240 Let's talk about it, then.

00:31:58.020 I did.

00:31:58.880 Well, I want him to show the slide.

00:32:00.680 Well, we have to kill.

00:32:01.660 She doesn't understand we have to kill him out.

00:32:03.740 I don't know the Tony Curtis.

00:32:04.740 Okay.

00:32:05.360 When?

00:32:05.600 He loved me.

00:32:06.840 And now let's just go on.

00:32:08.640 Wait a minute.

00:32:09.100 Was this on an actual date you fell in love?

00:32:10.740 Because I remember, weren't you married to Tom when you went out with him?

00:32:13.700 And Tom was all mad?

00:32:15.440 Something like that.

00:32:16.500 Go on.

00:32:17.200 Don't hand wave it.

00:32:18.140 We want to hear the goop.

00:32:18.820 No.

00:32:19.540 I want to hear the goop.

00:32:20.460 I'm trying to make this a top podcast right now.

00:32:22.380 Come on, Rosina.

00:32:22.920 I'll tell that later, but I'll tell you.

00:32:25.040 What later?

00:32:25.340 This isn't commercial break.

00:32:26.760 We'll be back after this season finale.

00:32:29.040 Talk about it.

00:32:31.880 A nice Jewish boy, that Tony Curtis.

00:32:34.840 How did that date that happen?

00:32:36.440 Huh?

00:32:36.800 I know he picked her up and he had driving gloves.

00:32:38.640 That's all I'm going to say.

00:32:39.600 Oh.

00:32:40.380 Talk about the driving gloves, because that's when she got really excited.

00:32:42.960 He had driving gloves.

00:32:45.680 I've never seen nothing like that.

00:32:48.560 He had a real nice sports car.

00:32:50.940 What kind of animal head was he wearing?

00:32:53.240 Get off that.

00:32:54.420 It's not even funny.

00:32:55.720 Then why are we laughing?

00:32:57.900 I'm laughing at you out of pity for your dumb joke.

00:33:01.220 Where's your slideshow?

00:33:03.120 We'll get to it when we get to it.

00:33:05.160 It's called Building Suspense, Roseanne Barr.

00:33:07.640 Well, I want to see it.

00:33:09.140 But I want it now.

00:33:10.300 What are you, Baruka Salt?

00:33:12.960 You used to look like Violet Beauregard.

00:33:14.980 Now you're doing Baruka Salt.

00:33:16.460 I'm who?

00:33:17.380 Violet Beauregard.

00:33:18.680 She's the girl who ate the gum and became a blueberry.

00:33:21.820 Who is he talking about?

00:33:22.580 I don't even know.

00:33:23.320 Willy Wonka.

00:33:24.480 I never seen that.

00:33:25.520 You never saw the movie about chocolate and candy?

00:33:28.160 I didn't.

00:33:28.980 I've never seen any movies.

00:33:30.640 I never go to movies, because I always fall asleep within 10 minutes.

00:33:33.880 But this was from the 70s.

00:33:35.040 I always would fall asleep, so I don't want to waste the money.

00:33:39.700 Are we going to see the slideshow?

00:33:41.460 Now I kind of don't want to even show it to her, just to spite her.

00:33:44.960 Yeah, she'll do that to you.

00:33:46.220 We do have to play the slideshow, I think.

00:33:49.340 Do you really want to?

00:33:49.780 He's told me it was hilarious.

00:33:51.480 I think it's...

00:33:52.160 Well, I've never seen it.

00:33:52.960 I don't know that it's hilarious.

00:33:54.200 I think it's just true.

00:33:55.760 Well, I want to see it.

00:33:56.680 Okay, so start with the second slide.

00:33:58.600 Okay.

00:33:59.760 Well, the second slide...

00:34:01.580 Because the first one's just her cover.

00:34:02.960 Well, I've got to start it, so you've got to give me a second.

00:34:05.840 Sure.

00:34:06.440 Just...

00:34:07.040 They won't let me smoke in my own fucking house.

00:34:09.520 Well, they can...

00:34:10.740 I'm just a prick.

00:34:11.380 Well, kick them outside.

00:34:12.560 This is your house.

00:34:13.340 This is Roseanne money.

00:34:14.340 See?

00:34:15.280 No, I agree.

00:34:16.760 Well, we can't get the baby.

00:34:18.360 Well, she comes out and smokes with me all day long.

00:34:21.400 You've got to start him young.

00:34:22.380 I said, you've got to go over there when Granny smokes.

00:34:25.240 But you can't come and sit right next to me on account of secondhand smoke, you see?

00:34:29.920 Go over there.

00:34:30.860 Do you love being...

00:34:31.500 You must love being a grandma.

00:34:33.680 There's nothing better on this earth.

00:34:37.160 It's so fun.

00:34:38.960 Because, you know, they're excited about little things.

00:34:42.740 And I like little things.

00:34:44.480 Like...

00:34:44.680 Like Michael.

00:34:46.260 Yeah, you're a small man.

00:34:47.880 What is done to the children?

00:34:49.080 Only emotionally.

00:34:51.620 You're a small man.

00:34:53.080 That must be weird for you.

00:34:54.600 You want to do this, Roseanne Barr?

00:34:59.560 Yeah, let's do it.

00:35:00.160 I've been waiting for this the whole time.

00:35:01.540 You've been in my house all night.

00:35:02.820 Yeah, go after Michael.

00:35:04.200 It's time to go after Michael.

00:35:05.200 Yeah, what would you like to be a small man?

00:35:07.000 It's still better than being a big woman.

00:35:10.120 You think?

00:35:11.000 Oh, I know.

00:35:12.840 You do?

00:35:13.600 Yeah, I do.

00:35:14.560 I don't got to put in a lion head to go to a sex party.

00:35:18.420 Because if I'm there, people's boners will go away.

00:35:22.100 Well, you probably would just go right into the sex party.

00:35:26.400 Well, that's the point...

00:35:27.120 With your porno pants.

00:35:28.100 That's the point of a sex party is to have sex.

00:35:30.500 It's not there to eat your hair.

00:35:32.440 Well, sometimes you're there to look.

00:35:34.320 Not really.

00:35:34.740 I thought that's very discouraged.

00:35:37.700 Yeah.

00:35:39.020 You would be discouraged when you see some lady bending over and shoving something up

00:35:44.200 or who's it.

00:35:45.280 You'd be real discouraged with the state of feminism, as was I.

00:35:49.860 I love your words there.

00:35:51.340 Who's it?

00:35:51.880 Who's it?

00:35:52.540 It's the boomer talk.

00:35:53.760 It is boomer talk.

00:35:54.140 Sometimes the mask drops and you're like, oh yeah, she's 70.

00:35:57.740 Yeah.

00:35:58.480 You forget.

00:36:00.100 What's it?

00:36:00.580 It's pretty incredible.

00:36:01.760 Okay, Michael.

00:36:02.540 So, I've been...

00:36:03.980 Okay, so since we've become friends, I've been spending...

00:36:08.420 Look, her picture's somewhere.

00:36:10.200 That's where all her attention goes.

00:36:11.720 She doesn't hear a word I'm saying.

00:36:12.960 No, I just love myself.

00:36:14.600 Well, it's a whole slideshow around you, I guess.

00:36:16.760 So, I had the idea that the only way I would be able to get a word in edgewise with you

00:36:21.760 was to make a slideshow about your favorite subject.

00:36:25.200 Me?

00:36:25.700 You.

00:36:28.940 So, you could make...

00:36:32.540 Boy, did I hit the nail on that head.

00:36:35.500 You did.

00:36:36.160 Look.

00:36:36.740 So, go to the next slide.

00:36:38.480 Okay.

00:36:39.340 So...

00:36:39.940 Oh my God, look at that.

00:36:41.380 So, I tried...

00:36:42.860 I tried to figure out how it is that you look better at age 70 than you did at age 30.

00:36:52.300 It is weird, right?

00:36:54.940 And I'm like, something about...

00:36:56.080 Thank you for Rosie O'Donnell.

00:36:57.460 That's you.

00:36:58.320 Oh, is that Rosie?

00:36:59.340 She has her good days.

00:37:00.580 She has her grandma.

00:37:01.500 Everyone always confuses me and Rosie O'Donnell.

00:37:05.460 She says that they confuse her for me, too.

00:37:09.120 You know who else...

00:37:11.120 Upton Sinclair and Sinclair Lewis used to get each other's letters and they'd...

00:37:15.480 Oh, yeah.

00:37:16.280 Two authors.

00:37:17.060 Yeah, mom used to share...

00:37:18.380 Do Rosie's autographs and Rosie would do hers.

00:37:20.760 Yeah, we'd sign for each other.

00:37:21.940 Are you still friends with her?

00:37:23.080 Yeah.

00:37:23.560 Even after the whole Trump stuff?

00:37:25.540 You know, you can't agree with everybody on everything.

00:37:28.960 No, but I think a lot of these...

00:37:30.460 I think she got really vicious and dumb with it.

00:37:34.120 She went too far, but, you know, I've gone too far on some shit.

00:37:37.720 I have always defended her.

00:37:39.380 I love her.

00:37:40.060 In this context.

00:37:41.320 I love her.

00:37:42.020 If your bully became president, you'd lose your mind, too.

00:37:46.040 Like, think of whoever bullied you and now they're the president, it's like a break with

00:37:49.520 the reality.

00:37:49.920 I always said she's the only one that should have Trump derangement.

00:37:52.800 Yes.

00:37:53.300 She's the only one I accepted.

00:37:54.360 Yeah, I get it.

00:37:56.380 Like, if the person who bullied you is now in the White House...

00:37:59.020 Well, I thought they were both bullying each other.

00:38:01.240 Sure, but she's not president.

00:38:04.220 Right.

00:38:04.840 Yeah, that's true.

00:38:06.460 I would like to get her on here.

00:38:07.800 We'll talk about it.

00:38:08.880 But I just want...

00:38:09.900 You know, I love her, and we've talked, and we know each other's...

00:38:15.560 And you're still in communication?

00:38:17.240 Yeah.

00:38:17.640 That's wonderful.

00:38:18.540 That's wonderful.

00:38:19.560 We know each other's on a different side of things.

00:38:22.560 But we're Americans.

00:38:23.740 That's what it's supposed to be about.

00:38:25.480 You know, it's like, hey, we won't go there when we talk.

00:38:28.900 Let's talk about poppies.

00:38:31.940 So let's go on with this live show.

00:38:33.900 So I...

00:38:34.540 So I...

00:38:34.960 Hold on, Jake.

00:38:36.060 But you are right.

00:38:36.860 I do look way better now.

00:38:38.440 That's clearly the case.

00:38:39.600 So I'm like, okay, what is her secret?

00:38:43.260 So then I watched you on Alex Jones' show earlier this year, and here's what you had to say.

00:38:47.760 What is done to the children of this world by those people who enslave and murder them

00:38:55.360 every day by the thousands, and in vampiric, satanic acts, actually extract and drink their

00:39:06.220 blood as they all, like, talk about right in front of our faces, but we don't hear it

00:39:12.520 because we think it's a fantasy, but it's not a fantasy.

00:39:16.820 That's right.

00:39:17.800 So what I realized is, don't go on yet, is you Hollywood big shots...

00:39:22.600 But boy, did I look old in that.

00:39:24.560 I thought you looked very dignified.

00:39:27.320 That hat was very classy.

00:39:28.560 I was just looking at my chin hair.

00:39:30.660 My chin...

00:39:31.260 No, all I saw was that hat.

00:39:33.020 Which chin were you looking at?

00:39:34.120 These two things, they were really visible.

00:39:36.400 You've never looked better.

00:39:37.300 That's what this whole slideshow is really about.

00:39:39.100 So then, I'm like, what is her secret?

00:39:41.280 By your own words, these Hollywood big shots are engaging in their evil explicitly.

00:39:47.440 So then I found this passage from your book, Rose Anarchy, where you said...

00:39:51.560 You want to read that out for us?

00:39:52.800 I can't see it.

00:39:53.880 When I was 12, I summoned Satan and signed my name in blood.

00:39:57.680 I had learned how to do this from the Mormon contingent in my hometown.

00:40:01.300 These people keep records on everything, and the satanic worship sections of the library

00:40:05.600 are some of the best.

00:40:06.260 I had done my homework and decided it was time to make my move.

00:40:09.480 I would love to explain just how I conjured up Satan and what the books I got from the

00:40:13.420 Mormons taught me, but for obvious reasons, I will not publish them here so that other

00:40:16.800 lost and lonely souls don't repeat my mistakes.

00:40:19.300 Obviously, it's easy enough to enter into a binding satanic contract, as every lawyer,

00:40:23.260 politician, Hollywood star can attest.

00:40:25.260 Backstage at the Oscars is a variable bloodletting of virgins and go-fucking.

00:40:29.160 I am the first celebrity to admit it, and I believe it is time that all of you knew

00:40:32.420 I'd do your little secret.

00:40:33.220 So then, I saw another interview you did earlier this year where you said that you were fired

00:40:39.880 from the Roseanne Revival as a witch-burning.

00:40:42.880 Now, a lot of times people say witch-burning to say that there's nothing there, that they're

00:40:47.860 persecuting someone for beliefs that they don't have, but you're dressed like a witch.

00:40:54.420 That's Halloween.

00:40:55.440 Not just, that's not Halloween.

00:40:57.640 That's not Halloween.

00:40:58.500 I portrayed the Wicked Witch on Broadway from The Wizard of Oz.

00:41:03.320 At a certain point, you have to connect the dots.

00:41:05.640 Well, of course you do.

00:41:06.600 And if someone tells you who they are, you believe them.

00:41:09.660 Well, you're reading it kind of wrong, but I don't think you're going.

00:41:13.320 Keep going.

00:41:14.680 So, let's look at this one.

00:41:16.280 You, they made a documentary about you called She-Devil.

00:41:19.160 You were, you were, you were best friends with Meryl Streep, who was best friends with

00:41:24.320 Harvey Weinstein.

00:41:25.840 Keep going, Jake.

00:41:27.820 And now look, the movie She-Devil came out on April 19th, 1990.

00:41:32.840 You blew up that house.

00:41:34.540 Five years to the day later, Timothy McVeigh blew up Oklahoma City.

00:41:38.980 Do you think that's a coincidence?

00:41:40.140 Well, according to Timothy McVeigh, and this graphic that I made up, Timothy said, what

00:41:46.540 started the craze to kill was a set I heard some little time ago by Roseanne Barr.

00:41:51.080 That's you.

00:41:52.180 Her doctrine that all rulers should be exterminated was what set me to thinking, so that my head

00:41:56.760 nearly split with the pain, Miss Barr's words went right through me, and when I left the

00:42:00.960 club, I had made up my mind that I would have to do something heroic for the cause that

00:42:04.460 I loved.

00:42:05.100 How do you explain that?

00:42:06.440 You made that up.

00:42:07.620 Well, did I make up this?

00:42:08.720 What are you doing?

00:42:12.800 Listen.

00:42:13.300 I don't know.

00:42:14.720 I thought you might have a plan.

00:42:20.320 Oh, I had a plan all right, and I was glad to have Hooper as a partner.

00:42:26.440 9-11.

00:42:29.340 Did I make that up?

00:42:32.740 Did I make that up, Roseanne Barr?

00:42:34.940 That's it.

00:42:35.800 That's She-Devil.

00:42:36.800 That's the...

00:42:37.200 Is this in the movie?

00:42:37.900 Yes.

00:42:38.420 Yeah.

00:42:38.720 That's the next slide.

00:42:40.260 Oh, look at her playing dumb.

00:42:41.600 Like, she doesn't know.

00:42:42.360 No, I didn't even know that.

00:42:43.480 Oh, look at her playing dumb.

00:42:44.840 Go on.

00:42:45.700 So, this is what they do, okay?

00:42:51.140 In Hollywood, they take kids and they replace them, so the parents don't even know.

00:42:58.560 And you very famously, you know what?

00:42:59.560 You very famously led on to the audience by doing the same thing with your show.

00:43:05.080 Dal Barone was replaced by Michael Fishman.

00:43:06.080 Dal Barone was replaced by Michael Fishman, John Goodman was replaced by FDR's corpse, and Roseanne

00:43:14.060 Barr was replaced by Roseanne Arnold.

00:43:16.500 So, even though the two actresses, you know what?

00:43:17.500 Even though the two actresses don't look anything alike, and we're at home, and we're supposed to believe it's the same person.

00:43:23.480 Because you know what they do?

00:43:24.620 They use something called changelings.

00:43:26.140 Do you know what changelings are?

00:43:27.100 Uh-uh.

00:43:27.400 So, changelings is when you take the kid from the crib and replace them with a demon who does not age, so that they always look like their children.

00:43:36.540 Go to the next one.

00:43:37.220 And famous changelings include Gary Coleman, JonBenet Ramsey, Emmanuel Lewis, and Andy Milonakis.

00:43:43.620 So, these are the techniques that these evil Hollywood insiders, such as yourself, do when they steal the children.

00:43:50.620 Now, if you look at WikiLeaks, go back, go back, don't show you that.

00:43:56.240 Jon Podesta, who Andrew Breitbart tweeted about being a child sex trafficker, in these emails that they weren't covered, he's talking about things like pizza, but he's clearly talking about them in a nefarious context, not talking about pizza.

00:44:10.820 But there were some other code words in there.

00:44:12.480 Go to the next one, Jake.

00:44:14.020 They talk about pizza meaning girls, macadamias means terrified children, and to nut is to get them.

00:44:20.620 Get the kid to generate adrenochrome, which is interesting, because Roseanne Barr is a macadamia nut farmer.

00:44:28.420 What is that?

00:44:28.980 What do you have to say for yourself, Roseanne Barr?

00:44:31.320 You're a conspiracy theorist.

00:44:33.480 Well, go on to the next slide.

00:44:35.560 So, that was the tweet that you supposedly got canceled for.

00:44:39.420 Right.

00:44:39.800 But if you look 10 minutes earlier at this tweet I made up, you had said,

00:44:44.320 I am sorry that I have been unable to secure more children for TST, hashtag Ambien.

00:44:49.120 What is TST?

00:44:52.020 The satantic temple.

00:44:54.780 Now, you people who practice witchcraft, like Penn Jillette and people like this, you engage in misdirection, right?

00:45:01.220 You look at this hand while I pick your pocket.

00:45:04.280 If you look at the statue, the eyes are drawn toward Baphomet's face, right?

00:45:08.360 But if you zoom in on his hand, he's got a pink pill that says 5401.

00:45:13.680 You Google that.

00:45:15.020 He's holding an Ambien, the demon god of child sacrifice.

00:45:19.240 And if you look up Ambien in Wikipedia, look what happens.

00:45:22.780 Ambien is the name or a term which appears in the Hebrew Bible several times, primarily Leviticus.

00:45:28.200 The Bible strongly condemns practices who are associated with Ambien, practices which appear to have included child sacrifice.

00:45:35.320 And whose picture did I put there?

00:45:37.140 It's you.

00:45:38.180 Ambien is commonly worshipped by Hollywood celebrities.

00:45:41.780 Now, Jake.

00:45:43.560 Oh, a conspiracy theorist.

00:45:45.840 We're almost ready.

00:45:46.800 Jake.

00:45:47.820 Go on.

00:45:49.100 So, yeah.

00:45:50.400 So, Jake promised me a cut of the inheritance.

00:45:52.940 So, I got this.

00:45:54.840 Are you going to go easy or not?

00:45:58.260 Oh, my goodness.

00:45:59.780 Come on, Roseanne.

00:46:00.740 What is that?

00:46:01.840 We're putting you out of your misery.

00:46:03.180 I want the Adrenochrome straight from the source.

00:46:08.280 Will you renounce...

00:46:08.780 You're taking my Adrenochrome?

00:46:10.300 Will you renounce Satan in all his ways?

00:46:12.160 I definitely renounce Satan in all of his ways.

00:46:15.520 Fuck Satan.

00:46:16.400 Will you admit that adding lyrics to the theme song was a mistake?

00:46:20.420 You know, I don't think...

00:46:22.840 Do you admit...

00:46:23.880 I don't...

00:46:24.560 I can't accept that because they were so great.

00:46:27.360 And you know what?

00:46:28.040 I'd like to sing them right now.

00:46:29.900 No.

00:46:30.180 If what doesn't kill us is making us stronger,

00:46:33.880 then we are gonna last longer

00:46:36.880 than that greatest wall in China

00:46:40.240 or that rabbit with a drum.

00:46:43.380 And there's one thing that I've learned

00:46:47.420 while waiting for my turn.

00:46:50.300 It's that in each life some rain falls,

00:46:54.080 but you also get some sun.

00:46:58.180 And then...

00:46:58.820 I can't remember the other ones.

00:47:00.360 You know all the money for this podcast

00:47:01.820 is not gonna go to ABC for royalties

00:47:03.560 because they own that.

00:47:04.900 No, I own it with John Potter.

00:47:07.140 Oh, okay.

00:47:11.880 Oh.

00:47:12.820 There's something about

00:47:13.900 we'll win any day.

00:47:16.500 I can't remember how it ends.

00:47:19.200 But fuck them.

00:47:20.000 Here's how it ends.

00:47:21.140 It's right here.

00:47:21.500 But fuck ABC.

00:47:23.380 Fuck Satan.

00:47:25.280 Fuck ABC.

00:47:27.120 Fuck all these child molestants,

00:47:28.940 sons of bitches.

00:47:30.300 You know what?

00:47:30.960 You should read my book, Rose Anarchy.

00:47:33.000 I have a copy of this.

00:47:33.840 It's all about how I killed Satan.

00:47:36.980 It's all about how you summoned Satan.

00:47:38.560 Page 81.

00:47:39.760 Well, that's when I made the...

00:47:41.980 You know, it's an allegory.

00:47:43.440 It's how it's an allegory.

00:47:44.040 I made the deal with Satan,

00:47:45.360 but then by the end of the book,

00:47:47.520 I call him to meet me at...

00:47:50.120 What's that place called?

00:47:51.140 I'll go where you met Hillary Clinton.

00:47:52.720 It all ties in.

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00:49:01.620 in Canada.

00:49:02.080 I call Satan to come to lunch

00:49:10.100 with me at Spago

00:49:11.460 because I've got a plan.

00:49:13.140 I want to break that contract

00:49:14.680 after I get divorced

00:49:16.460 from Tom Arnold.

00:49:17.500 I'm like,

00:49:17.920 fuck this.

00:49:19.120 This is what that contract

00:49:20.560 with that goddamn Satan

00:49:22.140 led me to?

00:49:23.720 I'm breaking that contract.

00:49:25.960 So I give it a lot of thought

00:49:27.660 of how I'm going to break it.

00:49:29.400 I've got a lot of studying

00:49:30.440 of the Bible

00:49:31.300 and with rabbis,

00:49:33.700 kind of becoming one myself.

00:49:36.340 And I figured out

00:49:37.480 how to break it

00:49:38.340 because my rabbi told me.

00:49:39.860 Adrenochrome?

00:49:43.840 No.

00:49:44.880 How did you break it?

00:49:47.000 Well,

00:49:47.820 my rabbi told me,

00:49:49.720 what day did you sign

00:49:53.560 the contract with Satan?

00:49:56.780 And I said,

00:49:57.560 well,

00:49:57.820 I signed it on,

00:49:59.020 I was ashamed to admit

00:50:00.340 that I signed it

00:50:01.220 on the Holy Sabbath day,

00:50:03.480 being an Orthodox Jewish girl.

00:50:07.300 The rabbi said,

00:50:08.980 you're in luck!

00:50:11.400 Because...

00:50:11.840 Oh, contracts aren't binding

00:50:12.920 because it's Shabbos.

00:50:14.220 He said,

00:50:15.000 you're in luck.

00:50:16.260 See,

00:50:16.640 you went to yeshiva,

00:50:17.620 so, you know.

00:50:18.940 He said,

00:50:21.520 Shabbos

00:50:22.480 is the devil's day off.

00:50:24.980 Yeah.

00:50:25.640 There is nothing

00:50:26.580 negative allowed

00:50:27.700 on a holy day.

00:50:28.740 It can't exist

00:50:29.460 on a holy day.

00:50:30.540 So there is no contract.

00:50:33.460 And I said,

00:50:34.080 well,

00:50:34.260 how do I kill him

00:50:35.560 for everybody else?

00:50:37.180 And he said,

00:50:38.080 well,

00:50:38.380 you'll figure it out,

00:50:39.440 which I did.

00:50:40.320 He gave me a few clues

00:50:42.020 and I did figure it out.

00:50:43.980 So,

00:50:45.140 you know,

00:50:45.540 I asked Satan,

00:50:46.640 why are you so horrible?

00:50:48.580 And I invited him in.

00:50:49.700 We became a little friendly.

00:50:51.740 You know,

00:50:52.340 as you do in Hollywood

00:50:53.340 over lunch.

00:50:54.420 Or today,

00:50:55.180 during this podcast.

00:50:56.300 Yeah,

00:50:56.520 right now.

00:50:57.440 And I said,

00:50:58.180 why are you so angry

00:50:59.300 and hateful?

00:51:00.100 And I just want to know.

00:51:01.500 And he goes,

00:51:02.220 well,

00:51:02.380 you really want to know

00:51:03.400 because,

00:51:03.780 you know,

00:51:04.060 we were drinking.

00:51:04.860 So he got a little loose

00:51:07.700 and he said,

00:51:08.400 I'm sick and tired

00:51:09.580 of people getting up

00:51:10.520 at the academy wards

00:51:11.620 and thanking Jesus or God

00:51:13.500 when they know

00:51:14.700 it's because of me.

00:51:16.640 And I want them

00:51:17.560 to thank me

00:51:18.640 and tell the truth

00:51:19.460 for once.

00:51:20.800 And I said,

00:51:21.360 I know how you feel.

00:51:23.520 He said,

00:51:24.000 what are you doing to me?

00:51:27.100 I said,

00:51:27.700 I know

00:51:28.180 and I understand

00:51:29.380 how you feel.

00:51:30.880 He's like,

00:51:31.340 what are you doing to me?

00:51:33.140 And I said,

00:51:35.460 I'm expressing empathy

00:51:37.620 and you can't exist

00:51:39.440 in the face of it.

00:51:41.020 And he flew away.

00:51:43.980 Do you want to hear,

00:51:45.160 I know a little inside story

00:51:46.860 about writing Rose Anarchy.

00:51:48.580 You do what?

00:51:49.540 Did I stole it?

00:51:50.900 No.

00:51:51.200 No,

00:51:51.500 stole what?

00:51:52.160 What do you mean stole it?

00:51:52.480 The whole concept

00:51:53.380 from the Torah.

00:51:54.700 But no,

00:51:55.100 what are you going to do?

00:51:55.640 We had the same editor

00:51:56.520 at the time,

00:51:57.860 Trish.

00:51:59.160 Oh,

00:51:59.780 she was a good editor

00:52:00.760 except she didn't do

00:52:02.000 the final edit

00:52:02.800 and quit.

00:52:03.560 I remember.

00:52:04.520 It all quit.

00:52:05.340 Everybody I work with quit.

00:52:06.820 I wonder what's

00:52:07.380 the commonality here.

00:52:08.820 I know.

00:52:09.860 I rewrote it 14.

00:52:11.300 Just all these coincidences

00:52:12.660 because I remember

00:52:13.660 her coming in

00:52:14.300 and being kind of exhausted.

00:52:15.500 I'm like,

00:52:15.680 what's going on?

00:52:16.200 She's like,

00:52:16.940 Roseanne's doing the audio book

00:52:18.480 and it's the wrong version

00:52:19.880 and she's flipping her shit

00:52:21.500 that we have the wrong version

00:52:22.920 for her to read.

00:52:23.860 And I told her

00:52:24.380 we'd fix it in post

00:52:25.280 and she didn't like that.

00:52:26.420 And they never did.

00:52:27.300 Is that true?

00:52:27.880 They didn't fix it in post.

00:52:28.980 Okay.

00:52:29.480 Yeah.

00:52:29.720 I wrote 14 different

00:52:32.800 versions of the book.

00:52:34.220 I wrote it

00:52:35.360 and rewrote it

00:52:36.200 and maybe it was seven

00:52:37.380 but it was a lot

00:52:38.980 and I guess that's hard

00:52:40.180 for people to

00:52:41.260 because I'm compulsive.

00:52:42.900 I'm hard in writing

00:52:45.500 to work with that way

00:52:47.040 because I get really compulsive,

00:52:49.060 you know.

00:52:50.280 And so, you know,

00:52:51.540 she quit and whatever

00:52:52.680 and then they had

00:52:53.320 some other bitch come in

00:52:54.500 and she quit too.

00:52:56.360 Just all these bad coincidences.

00:52:58.620 I know.

00:52:58.980 A lot of people,

00:52:59.820 you know,

00:53:00.140 they're just not strong enough

00:53:01.500 to be around

00:53:03.680 their fucking genius.

00:53:06.060 Yeah.

00:53:06.580 You know,

00:53:06.980 it's hard.

00:53:07.820 It's hard.

00:53:08.920 Right?

00:53:09.440 You must understand right now,

00:53:11.140 Michael,

00:53:11.380 I don't know how that feels.

00:53:12.540 It's hard.

00:53:13.860 I can tell.

00:53:15.100 Well,

00:53:15.300 it's hard being around you.

00:53:17.800 It must go two ways.

00:53:20.260 I want to hear...

00:53:21.240 Porn pants.

00:53:22.120 What's that?

00:53:22.700 Porn pants.

00:53:23.240 I'm wearing the

00:53:24.260 Naked and Famous

00:53:25.420 denim.

00:53:26.860 These are the...

00:53:27.520 Hold on,

00:53:27.800 I got to zoom out.

00:53:28.620 What are we talking about?

00:53:29.420 Your pants?

00:53:30.200 He said those are

00:53:31.100 pictures of pornography.

00:53:33.840 The best denim company

00:53:34.880 on earth

00:53:35.300 is a Canadian company

00:53:36.480 called Naked and Famous

00:53:37.520 and one of their dreams

00:53:39.440 that they dropped

00:53:39.900 is like 10 years old

00:53:40.780 is called Vintage Nudes

00:53:41.920 and the inside,

00:53:43.100 the weft,

00:53:43.800 is all a print

00:53:45.360 of vintage pornography

00:53:46.680 and you can't really

00:53:47.340 make it out.

00:53:47.780 It looks like newsprint.

00:53:48.800 That's kind of cool.

00:53:49.820 Yeah,

00:53:49.980 they're the best brand.

00:53:51.000 They're amazing.

00:53:52.980 Can I...

00:53:54.300 We're probably wrapping up,

00:53:55.480 right?

00:53:55.800 Already?

00:53:56.780 I don't know.

00:53:57.320 That's a mom.

00:53:59.140 Jesus Christ.

00:54:00.260 This kid.

00:54:02.140 Ready for sale?

00:54:04.260 No,

00:54:04.780 you're not going to kill me,

00:54:06.020 Satan.

00:54:06.320 I feel like

00:54:07.660 it's over an hour.

00:54:09.280 All right.

00:54:09.600 Well,

00:54:09.980 anyway,

00:54:10.480 Michael,

00:54:10.940 I was going to say

00:54:11.660 the Adrenochrome

00:54:12.980 and the Satan

00:54:13.520 worshiping stuff

00:54:14.240 for my mother,

00:54:15.160 it's a good theory

00:54:16.100 of why she looks better

00:54:17.140 but she actually

00:54:18.620 does use a product.

00:54:20.480 Yeah,

00:54:20.900 I wouldn't be

00:54:21.760 recommending anything

00:54:24.120 to anybody

00:54:24.760 that I didn't really love

00:54:26.060 and I do use this,

00:54:27.620 it's been like

00:54:28.280 a year and a half

00:54:29.180 that I've been using

00:54:30.620 this C60 Evo

00:54:32.440 stuff

00:54:33.620 and it like

00:54:34.260 you start out,

00:54:35.220 well,

00:54:35.460 I mean,

00:54:35.660 you've got to

00:54:36.000 wash your face

00:54:36.680 but then you put on

00:54:37.900 this C60 Evo oil

00:54:39.980 which I think

00:54:40.640 it's just a real

00:54:41.760 pure oil,

00:54:43.940 E oil,

00:54:44.860 I think it is

00:54:45.560 and it does

00:54:47.240 something to your skin,

00:54:48.400 I don't know,

00:54:49.100 it just like

00:54:50.020 purifies it

00:54:51.500 or removes

00:54:53.740 bad stuff off it.

00:54:55.520 It's really good

00:54:56.620 and everywhere I go

00:54:58.460 people,

00:54:58.940 I always tell them

00:54:59.780 this is what you should do

00:55:00.880 because it works for me

00:55:02.300 and it really does work

00:55:03.600 and I really feel like

00:55:05.680 my skin looks better

00:55:07.580 than it ever did

00:55:08.520 and I feel like,

00:55:09.900 you know,

00:55:10.100 my hair too,

00:55:10.860 now I'm using

00:55:11.460 the new hair stuff

00:55:12.900 that you scratch

00:55:13.580 into your scalp

00:55:14.380 because my hair is thinning

00:55:15.560 but I really recommend it

00:55:17.420 to people,

00:55:18.020 it's really good,

00:55:19.040 it's helped me a lot.

00:55:20.580 My skin's like,

00:55:22.300 doesn't sag as much,

00:55:24.080 it doesn't have deep,

00:55:25.760 it must be a big change

00:55:27.200 for you given,

00:55:28.680 you know,

00:55:28.920 back in the 90s

00:55:29.800 everyone's making fun

00:55:30.580 of your weight

00:55:31.100 to now have everyone

00:55:32.340 commenting on how good

00:55:33.360 you look.

00:55:34.000 That's got to be a mindfuck.

00:55:35.160 It is kind of a mindfuck

00:55:36.500 because they go like this,

00:55:37.760 well when I first

00:55:38.740 lost some weight

00:55:39.600 they go like this,

00:55:42.040 you look good.

00:55:46.920 Such an insult.

00:55:48.880 Hey,

00:55:49.520 what happened?

00:55:51.540 You look good.

00:55:53.920 But you know,

00:55:55.140 it's good to feel

00:55:56.500 like you look good.

00:55:58.240 I mean,

00:55:58.580 it's awesome that people

00:55:59.740 think I look better now

00:56:00.960 than I ever did.

00:56:01.840 But that's objectively true,

00:56:02.860 don't you think?

00:56:03.520 I do

00:56:04.180 and it makes me happy.

00:56:06.200 You know,

00:56:06.720 I do all the girly things

00:56:08.560 now that I never did

00:56:09.500 when I was young.

00:56:10.720 Like,

00:56:11.080 you know,

00:56:12.280 do moisturizing my face

00:56:14.080 and all that kind of skin care

00:56:16.260 and putting on makeup

00:56:18.180 and feeling good.

00:56:19.580 But let me ask you this

00:56:20.440 because one of the things

00:56:21.260 I tell kids

00:56:22.040 that they don't have

00:56:24.300 the emotional bandwidth

00:56:25.480 to understand,

00:56:26.720 at least for men,

00:56:27.500 I can't speak for females,

00:56:28.780 life in your 30s

00:56:29.700 is a lot better

00:56:30.280 than life in your 20s

00:56:31.160 as a guy.

00:56:32.260 And when you're in your 20s

00:56:33.320 you hear that

00:56:33.980 and you think,

00:56:34.560 oh,

00:56:34.620 you're just getting old,

00:56:35.720 you're cope,

00:56:36.260 and I'm like,

00:56:36.620 I promise you

00:56:37.380 once you're in your 30s

00:56:38.200 you'd be like,

00:56:38.560 oh,

00:56:38.800 he was telling the truth.

00:56:39.840 You're 70.

00:56:40.820 What decade is the best

00:56:42.540 for women,

00:56:43.860 do you think?

00:56:45.020 Well,

00:56:45.360 I think that right now

00:56:46.380 is the best for me

00:56:47.460 because I think that

00:56:48.300 as it goes decade by decade,

00:56:50.740 I think what happens

00:56:52.360 is you shed a lot

00:56:53.760 of your negativity

00:56:55.340 and your inhibitions

00:56:57.180 and things that keep you down

00:56:59.440 and hold you back.

00:57:00.880 And I think the real you

00:57:02.160 comes out decade by decade

00:57:04.000 a little bit more

00:57:04.900 and you get to feeling

00:57:07.460 more authentically you.

00:57:09.800 You don't care so much

00:57:11.280 about what other people

00:57:12.480 are thinking about you

00:57:13.640 or if it's going to look good.

00:57:15.980 But it's like,

00:57:16.720 well,

00:57:16.980 does it feel good?

00:57:18.880 I think that

00:57:19.840 that might be the journey

00:57:21.120 of aging in life itself.

00:57:22.880 My friend Jackie,

00:57:23.640 who's a huge fan of yours,

00:57:25.440 shout out to Jackie,

00:57:26.500 who's clearly F2M,

00:57:27.920 inside joke.

00:57:28.880 She was talking

00:57:29.620 to some very old woman

00:57:30.740 and she goes,

00:57:31.760 what advice

00:57:32.340 would you give to yourself?

00:57:33.300 And apparently

00:57:33.760 this is very common.

00:57:34.800 She said,

00:57:35.260 I wouldn't have worried

00:57:36.600 so much.

00:57:37.960 And that when you get old,

00:57:38.960 you're like,

00:57:39.380 okay,

00:57:39.540 what am I getting upset about?

00:57:40.620 When I was 20,

00:57:42.340 maybe I'd be freaking out

00:57:43.300 or maybe I'm 40,

00:57:44.080 but now that I'm older,

00:57:44.840 I realize all that stress

00:57:46.440 is for nothing.

00:57:47.600 Yeah,

00:57:47.840 it kind of is for nothing,

00:57:49.260 but you've got so much

00:57:50.900 pent-up energy,

00:57:53.460 you've got to do something with it.

00:57:55.220 It's probably better

00:57:56.160 to just go for walks

00:57:57.460 and exercise,

00:57:58.500 which I never did.

00:57:59.440 That never occurred to me,

00:58:01.200 than just stress out.

00:58:05.060 But learning to manage

00:58:06.260 your stress

00:58:06.860 is also another part

00:58:08.480 of Virginia and wisdom,

00:58:09.960 you know,

00:58:10.720 because stress

00:58:11.640 is some killer stuff

00:58:13.040 to deal with.

00:58:14.300 I think you have

00:58:14.840 more stress as a kid.

00:58:16.520 I feel like I did

00:58:17.520 have more stress

00:58:18.340 as a child

00:58:19.500 than,

00:58:20.920 you know,

00:58:21.540 I did subsequent

00:58:23.080 to my childhood.

00:58:24.900 And a lot of my adulthood

00:58:26.680 was to shed that stress.

00:58:29.180 Roseanne,

00:58:29.580 we're running out of time.

00:58:30.760 Yes.

00:58:31.040 What has been your favorite

00:58:32.120 part of this episode?

00:58:33.520 Me.

00:58:34.200 Anything to do with me

00:58:35.340 is always my favorite.

00:58:37.300 And you talking about me,

00:58:39.300 it's just been wonderful.

00:58:41.000 You tell,

00:58:42.020 you know,

00:58:42.420 you formulating

00:58:43.560 conspiracy theories

00:58:44.860 that I star in,

00:58:46.260 it's kind of like heavenly.

00:58:48.580 And that you talked

00:58:49.440 about my book,

00:58:50.540 that was great.

00:58:52.000 I love that you read

00:58:53.300 my book,

00:58:54.060 because nobody did.

00:58:55.140 I even went on Oprah,

00:58:56.720 her fat-ass show,

00:58:58.260 and only sold

00:58:59.340 5,000 copies of the book.

00:59:01.800 And that was years ago,

00:59:03.520 but the book is deeply

00:59:04.640 spiritual, you know.

00:59:05.860 And I guess people

00:59:06.980 wasn't ready for that.

00:59:08.100 They want to hear,

00:59:08.920 you know,

00:59:10.580 I don't know,

00:59:11.420 fat jokes or something.

00:59:12.780 But, you know,

00:59:13.640 it's a deeply spiritual book.

00:59:17.000 You are welcome.

00:59:18.560 Thank you for being here

00:59:20.440 and talking about me.

00:59:24.000 Celebrating me

00:59:26.960 and all my many

00:59:28.480 biases.

00:59:29.880 Listen, lady,

00:59:30.520 there's been a book

00:59:31.820 written about me

00:59:32.380 called Ego and Hubris.

00:59:33.520 And the title

00:59:34.480 that I pitched,

00:59:35.720 which would apply to you,

00:59:36.900 is

00:59:37.240 The Little Engine

00:59:38.440 That Could But Shouldn't.

00:59:39.680 That is a good one.

00:59:47.120 That's a good one.

00:59:48.460 Yeah,

00:59:48.720 they said no.

00:59:51.920 Yeah,

00:59:52.440 that,

00:59:52.740 that's,

00:59:53.360 that is something

00:59:54.720 to really consider.

00:59:56.460 There's a lot of that

00:59:57.480 in America right now,

00:59:58.700 isn't there?

00:59:59.520 Yes,

00:59:59.880 ma'am.

01:00:01.680 Good one.

01:00:02.740 Okay,

01:00:03.040 now we're going

01:00:03.420 to get some food.

01:00:04.880 Now,

01:00:05.180 let's eat.

01:00:06.100 I do have to,

01:00:06.840 you have to.

01:00:07.580 Oh,

01:00:07.820 I have to do that.

01:00:08.540 Okay.

01:00:08.860 One thing.

01:00:09.560 So,

01:00:10.360 the C60 Evo.

01:00:11.460 And the Amazon.

01:00:12.560 And the Amazon.

01:00:13.200 We'll do after,

01:00:14.700 because that's not

01:00:15.320 part of the podcast.

01:00:16.280 But,

01:00:17.020 the C60 Evo

01:00:18.760 that you do use,

01:00:20.040 if you go to

01:00:20.560 C60Evo.com,

01:00:22.740 you can look up

01:00:23.460 the products.

01:00:24.020 And if you use

01:00:25.080 the promo code

01:00:25.900 Roseanne,

01:00:26.940 you get 10% off.

01:00:28.560 And I shit you not,

01:00:29.760 I know this is

01:00:30.880 a paid advertisement,

01:00:31.920 but my mother

01:00:32.380 does look better.

01:00:33.140 If you guys remember,

01:00:34.540 it went viral

01:00:35.300 a few months ago

01:00:36.300 that she looks better

01:00:37.360 than Madonna.

01:00:38.380 And by the way,

01:00:39.080 Roseanne has two E's in it.

01:00:40.760 R-O-S-E-A-N-N-E.

01:00:42.680 Yes.

01:00:43.000 Not R-O-S-A.

01:00:44.100 R-O-S-E-A.

01:00:45.000 It comes up a lot.

01:00:46.340 So,

01:00:46.600 go to C60Evo.com

01:00:47.960 and order yourself

01:00:49.440 some stuff

01:00:49.800 and you can look

01:00:50.280 as good as my mom does

01:00:51.260 at 70.

01:00:51.900 If you're lucky.

01:00:53.120 If you're lucky.

01:00:54.540 And then,

01:00:56.460 thank you for

01:00:57.620 putting that in.

01:00:58.980 Yeah.

01:00:59.500 And I'd like to hear

01:01:00.840 how people are

01:01:01.720 reacting to it

01:01:02.720 to see if it's

01:01:03.960 helping them

01:01:04.500 and looking better too.

01:01:06.000 Well,

01:01:06.260 she sent me

01:01:06.920 and Hannah some.

01:01:07.760 I haven't used it yet,

01:01:08.940 but Hannah's been using

01:01:09.900 and Hannah looks.

01:01:10.520 I mean,

01:01:10.700 Hannah's very pretty,

01:01:11.700 but it's noticeably different.

01:01:13.440 Yeah.

01:01:13.640 The skin looks way better.

01:01:15.180 And that's why we agreed

01:01:16.580 to do this promo

01:01:18.140 for them

01:01:18.740 because we don't do

01:01:19.380 promos on the show,

01:01:20.340 but the stuff

01:01:20.820 actually does work

01:01:21.920 and,

01:01:22.460 you know.

01:01:23.440 And it's natural.

01:01:24.580 It isn't,

01:01:25.500 you know,

01:01:25.840 a bunch of whale grease

01:01:27.100 or anything.

01:01:27.860 Whale grease is natural.

01:01:29.060 Well,

01:01:29.400 yeah,

01:01:29.720 so shit,

01:01:30.540 but I put that on my face.

01:01:32.560 All right,

01:01:32.880 so let's just wrap this up.

01:01:34.760 So,

01:01:35.300 thank Michael.

01:01:36.080 I thought we wrapped it up.

01:01:37.220 Yeah,

01:01:37.380 I thought we did.

01:01:37.800 We had a good out.

01:01:38.660 Oh,

01:01:38.840 did we?

01:01:39.180 Yeah.

01:01:39.600 You are welcome.

01:01:40.400 That's how I end my show.

01:01:41.460 Well,

01:01:41.660 this is not your show,

01:01:43.040 Michael.

01:01:43.380 But I like that he did it that way.

01:01:45.400 Okay.

01:01:45.960 Well,

01:01:46.200 would you like to end the podcast,

01:01:47.480 your podcast,

01:01:48.340 with your thing

01:01:48.940 or just let Michael do it?

01:01:51.040 I'll end it by thanking him.

01:01:54.660 Go ahead,

01:01:55.260 thank him.

01:01:56.120 Thank you very much

01:01:57.200 for being on my podcast

01:01:58.720 and I hope you like salmon

01:02:00.560 because that's what I made.

01:02:02.220 You are welcome.

01:02:03.940 Very good.

01:02:04.840 Salmon?

01:02:06.600 I don't even know him.

01:02:08.320 But you like salmon?

01:02:09.420 Yes,

01:02:09.620 I do,

01:02:09.980 ma'am.

01:02:10.440 Good.

01:02:10.700 I hope you like my recipe.

01:02:12.360 Okay.

01:02:12.720 Okay.

01:02:17.140 I know that a lot of Americans

01:02:18.580 are concerned with rising inflation rates,

01:02:20.940 with the banks collapsing,

01:02:22.400 with China taking over,

01:02:23.500 with Biden being a complete criminal.

01:02:25.880 You're probably not feeling secure

01:02:27.900 in your investments

01:02:29.660 and your future

01:02:30.680 and you're not wrong to be scared.

01:02:34.560 I highly suggest

01:02:36.220 that you look into

01:02:37.360 taking whatever retirement you have,

01:02:39.480 whatever money you have aside,

01:02:40.700 whatever you're thinking about doing,

01:02:45.100 don't keep it in the bank

01:02:47.000 because $100,000 today

01:02:48.880 that you've saved,

01:02:49.900 that you feel good about,

01:02:51.080 in 10 years is going to be worth

01:02:52.600 about $50,000 or so.

01:02:54.080 The smartest thing you can do

01:02:57.200 is invest in precious metals,

01:02:59.860 gold and silver.

01:03:00.780 It is smart.

01:03:01.820 People have been telling you this.

01:03:02.780 Your grandfather probably told you this.

01:03:04.360 I'm going to tell you right now

01:03:05.480 to go to bh-pm.com.

01:03:08.420 That's Beverly Hills Precious Metals.

01:03:10.320 Sign up a free consultation.

01:03:12.060 Let them know Roseanne sent you.

01:03:13.460 And if you are interested

01:03:15.640 and you are smart,

01:03:16.860 you will think very, very strongly

01:03:19.280 about getting your money

01:03:20.340 out of the corrupt banking system

01:03:21.900 and away from the corrupt stock market

01:03:24.980 and invest in your future

01:03:26.580 in a safe way,

01:03:28.080 which is precious metals.

01:03:28.980 Tim's Holiday Smile Cookie is here.

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The Roseanne Barr Podcast - June 29, 2023

Michael Malice ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #003

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