The Roseanne Barr Podcast - Nightcap at the Plaza with Tyler Fischer

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00:00:31.000 Greetings, Earthlings and humans.

00:00:35.220 We got a b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-banger on the show.

00:00:42.080 Today I'm so excited because we have a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dicia fucking genius on here.

00:00:48.080 I thought you were going to say Jew.

00:00:49.620 I know. What?

00:00:51.260 You thought I was going to say Jew?

00:00:53.100 Can you do it again with Jew?

00:00:54.720 D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d, Jew.

00:00:57.060 So you see.

00:00:58.040 My patience is growing

00:01:03.020 I love you

00:01:05.800 Oh my god

00:01:07.700 I'm so glad you're here

00:01:09.460 I have to do the Macaulay Culkin

00:01:11.260 She interrupts a lot

00:01:13.880 Because we're in the fucking plaza right now

00:01:16.500 I know

00:01:17.020 Yeah, no, absolutely

00:01:18.960 Well, I don't know if the FBI is after you

00:01:21.120 We'll be gone by the time this airs

00:01:22.600 This is where Trump met Kevin McAllister

00:01:25.960 This is where Trump met

00:01:27.760 Kevin McAllister

00:01:28.920 And this was one of my favorite movies

00:01:31.860 You were one of my favorite shows

00:01:34.120 So coming here was fucking mind-blowing

00:01:38.120 And you had to go through the migrant crisis to get here, didn't you?

00:01:42.280 Oh, I had to go through like a migrant, Palestinian, you know, BLM, fucking climate change

00:01:49.900 Someone had to throw Greta Thunberg over the Queensborough Bridge to get here, yeah

00:01:55.700 What actually happened?

00:01:56.720 Were they really shutting down traffic for protests?

00:02:00.240 They shut down all of 2nd Avenue

00:02:01.760 So I figured some kind of bullshit, some kind of protest

00:02:05.440 Did they say what it was?

00:02:06.740 Or did they just shut it down?

00:02:07.660 No, they don't have to tell you anymore

00:02:09.880 No, they don't

00:02:10.560 That's what COVID did, right?

00:02:11.940 It was like, we don't have to tell you anymore

00:02:15.020 Yeah

00:02:15.600 We can take everything away

00:02:17.380 Yeah

00:02:17.860 So just a little, one of the avenues in the biggest city in the world closed down

00:02:22.260 No big deal

00:02:23.420 And don't you dare question

00:02:25.920 Nobody can find

00:02:26.960 Questions?

00:02:27.960 You have questions?

00:02:29.760 Yeah

00:02:30.160 Well, our mayor is, you know, it's great we have a black mayor, but did you know I got, well, did you know I got in trouble for doing an impression of him?

00:02:42.340 No, you did?

00:02:43.480 Yeah, I got, I got kicked out of a comedy club for doing an impression of Eric Adams

00:02:48.040 Why?

00:02:49.180 Well, because apparently

00:02:50.260 Because it was too good?

00:02:51.220 Well, no, apparently nowadays a straight white guy can't do an impression of a mentally retarded person

00:02:57.780 I thought you were going to say I'm a gay guy

00:03:01.660 With a gay retard, I'm going to change the joke, thank you, thank you

00:03:07.580 Did you really get kicked out of a comedy club?

00:03:09.760 Really?

00:03:10.380 No, it was all for the joke

00:03:11.700 What's it like to do stand-up in Manhattan?

00:03:14.980 This is what I've wanted to ask you for years

00:03:16.120 I've been trying to get you on this podcast for years

00:03:17.640 Can we talk about how we all met?

00:03:19.960 Yeah, sure

00:03:20.580 Because it has to do with that

00:03:22.660 I don't even know when we met

00:03:24.600 I figured you wouldn't remember

00:03:25.760 I don't know if we met, I told Jake, did I meet him before?

00:03:29.580 No

00:03:29.780 And Jake said, yeah, remember when we were in the street that time you were really drunk?

00:03:34.620 Yeah

00:03:34.760 Which is always, but I didn't really

00:03:37.980 Yeah, just the best night of my life

00:03:39.480 Yeah, she doesn't remember

00:03:40.560 No, I didn't remember

00:03:41.640 It was just another night in the alleyway

00:03:43.580 Jake, what was it that made me remember?

00:03:45.980 Well, so here's what happened

00:03:46.800 We went out with Ryan Long

00:03:47.900 Yeah, Ryan Long

00:03:49.040 You went to the comedy show

00:03:49.960 We went to the comedy cellar

00:03:51.100 And there's one across the street too

00:03:52.420 Whatever, those two on the corner

00:03:54.460 At the corner

00:03:55.180 One time I lectured on Kabbalah in the one

00:03:58.200 Yeah

00:03:58.600 But anyway, we went and did comedy

00:04:00.240 You fell asleep in the

00:04:01.840 We were in the lounge

00:04:02.840 Yeah, she fell asleep

00:04:03.820 I have a video of it

00:04:04.500 And Ryan's like, this is a lot of fun

00:04:06.000 And then I pan over

00:04:07.100 And Mom's sleeping

00:04:07.880 Andrew, what's his name?

00:04:10.220 Schultz?

00:04:10.620 Schultz was there

00:04:11.360 Oh, yeah

00:04:11.540 Oh, you were asleep

00:04:13.980 What a lineup that was

00:04:15.200 Please go show respect to my mother

00:04:16.800 He's like, okay

00:04:17.600 And then he went over to you

00:04:19.260 And you were sleeping

00:04:19.960 So he gave you like a fist bump

00:04:21.520 But anyway, we went in

00:04:22.400 And you fucking murdered

00:04:23.540 Well, I didn't know you were there

00:04:24.880 I didn't know you were there

00:04:25.780 It was coming down off the walls

00:04:27.000 Like in a church

00:04:28.000 I just

00:04:28.700 I said, this is like an evangelical church

00:04:31.120 Where the praise is coming down

00:04:32.680 Off the walls for this man

00:04:34.200 I had just gotten in that club

00:04:35.840 It took me 15 years

00:04:37.120 Oh, my God

00:04:37.820 And they passed on me a few times

00:04:39.560 So I let go of it

00:04:41.220 Because that's what I do in life

00:04:42.560 If I don't get something

00:04:43.580 I did a whole meditation

00:04:45.240 And I let go of the comedy cellar

00:04:46.860 Because it's like Beyonce

00:04:49.420 It's like the hot chick of comedy in New York

00:04:51.960 I couldn't even walk by it

00:04:54.440 Oh, my God

00:04:55.500 I started going a different way

00:04:56.960 I go, I'm not walking by anymore

00:04:58.280 Then the pandemic hits

00:04:59.480 And, you know, I can't perform anyways

00:05:01.920 Because I didn't get the vaccine

00:05:03.360 Because my pediatrician said I was too tiny

00:05:05.300 But, so then I just get in

00:05:09.480 And it hasn't even hit me

00:05:11.020 That I'm in the comedy cellar yet

00:05:12.720 Because I've been going there for 15 years

00:05:15.220 And I'd stand in the back

00:05:16.540 And I'd see Gary Goleman

00:05:18.460 I'd go, can you take me down?

00:05:19.840 And I would sit in the back

00:05:20.700 And just touch myself, basically

00:05:23.060 So then I walk in

00:05:24.900 And I hear, ha!

00:05:27.680 Ha!

00:05:28.320 And I go, that's either

00:05:29.620 Nelson from The Simpsons

00:05:31.660 Or Lizzo being stabbed

00:05:36.120 Or, goddammit, that's Roseanne Barr

00:05:38.440 And someone goes, Roseanne's up there

00:05:40.460 And I looked in the balcony

00:05:41.480 And I nearly

00:05:42.720 And so I was so new there

00:05:45.380 That I was afraid to really do the jokes that I do

00:05:47.760 And because you were there

00:05:49.080 I go, I'm doing the set that I do

00:05:52.740 When I'm not here

00:05:54.280 And I did it

00:05:56.100 Oh, really?

00:05:56.280 And you, at some points, were the only one laughing

00:05:59.040 Yeah, this is brilliant

00:06:01.080 It was like

00:06:02.540 That probably helped me

00:06:04.220 Because after that night

00:06:05.020 I was like, no

00:06:05.720 This is what I should be doing all the time

00:06:07.300 I can't be afraid to

00:06:08.580 So 10% everything

00:06:10.900 Well, that's awesome to hear

00:06:13.580 Yeah, I was like

00:06:14.860 This motherfucker is not pandering for laughs

00:06:18.420 Because I had been hearing that for so long

00:06:20.620 It was a depressing thing

00:06:22.060 You know, like

00:06:22.560 Why are they pandering?

00:06:23.860 Oh, a lot

00:06:24.500 Because I mean, Hollywood makes you get on your knees and pander

00:06:27.600 Yeah

00:06:28.000 But I was like, look at him

00:06:29.500 You know that more than anybody

00:06:30.780 I know

00:06:31.500 You know

00:06:31.860 Because, you know

00:06:32.300 I can't believe what I lived through

00:06:35.420 I can't either

00:06:36.480 When I look back on it

00:06:38.580 Now that I'm out of the spell of it

00:06:41.060 I didn't figure out then

00:06:43.120 How evil they were

00:06:45.160 And I kept thinking, well, you know

00:06:47.140 You were so young

00:06:48.020 How old were you when you just started in Hollywood?

00:06:51.020 34

00:06:51.460 Oh, damn, okay

00:06:52.900 Yeah, she was

00:06:53.560 And I had four kids

00:06:55.240 Wow

00:06:55.720 But, uh

00:06:57.060 I couldn't

00:06:59.420 And all that time where I was working in it

00:07:04.940 I

00:07:06.500 Suspected

00:07:10.760 You know

00:07:12.120 But when I made my comeback

00:07:16.740 Yeah

00:07:17.620 And then I seen what was going on

00:07:19.700 Making Comedy Great Again was in

00:07:21.400 It's Making Comedy Great Again

00:07:22.960 Ooh, and they didn't like it

00:07:25.460 No

00:07:25.920 Well, they made

00:07:27.520 28 million

00:07:28.300 They made you more powerful

00:07:29.840 They did

00:07:30.640 It's like Obi-Wan

00:07:31.440 I always told her

00:07:32.040 If you're a Star Wars fan

00:07:33.380 I don't know if you are

00:07:34.540 You probably know

00:07:35.120 Yeah, I know

00:07:35.980 It's Phoenix

00:07:36.760 Isn't it freaky though?

00:07:37.440 If they strike you down

00:07:38.200 You come back more powerful

00:07:39.220 Actually

00:07:39.620 And then look at all these people

00:07:40.940 Connect

00:07:41.300 The fact that I'm even here with you

00:07:42.800 Is so

00:07:43.280 It really is bizarre

00:07:44.960 It is all bizarre

00:07:46.140 Because this happened organically

00:07:48.560 And I

00:07:49.060 Right before I met you guys

00:07:50.360 I was home

00:07:51.180 I mean

00:07:51.800 I

00:07:52.000 I lost

00:07:52.500 I did

00:07:52.800 I lost my job

00:07:53.540 Because I didn't get the COVID shot

00:07:54.880 I got fired from my agent

00:07:56.480 For being white

00:07:57.520 For the

00:07:58.100 Oh no, really?

00:07:58.920 For the crime of being white

00:08:00.000 Which they told me over email

00:08:01.420 They told you

00:08:02.620 It's because you're white

00:08:03.440 That we're dumping us

00:08:04.240 And I

00:08:04.560 I quit for three years

00:08:05.760 Because I was like

00:08:07.140 This was one of the biggest

00:08:08.560 Agents in the world

00:08:10.240 That brought me in

00:08:12.100 And was like

00:08:12.620 Why aren't you on SNL?

00:08:14.020 Why aren't you this?

00:08:14.600 And you know

00:08:15.500 You're a young person

00:08:16.420 And you're like

00:08:16.820 This is

00:08:17.400 This is it

00:08:19.100 You live off of hope

00:08:20.680 Yeah

00:08:21.340 And then I quit

00:08:22.280 For three years

00:08:23.200 And then

00:08:23.800 You know

00:08:25.200 I literally was unemployed

00:08:27.080 Living off the government

00:08:28.120 Running an Airbnb

00:08:29.420 In my house

00:08:30.360 Did you leave

00:08:32.320 When people rented

00:08:33.480 Or were you in there

00:08:34.220 With the guests?

00:08:34.680 I was in there

00:08:35.340 Oof

00:08:36.220 Yeah

00:08:36.620 Roasting my own coffee

00:08:37.920 Couldn't afford to buy coffees

00:08:39.080 Roasting my own coffee

00:08:39.840 And then I saw you

00:08:41.260 On TV

00:08:42.580 Where was you living then?

00:08:43.900 I was in Brooklyn

00:08:44.840 I've been here 14 years

00:08:46.060 Oh in Brooklyn

00:08:46.360 Okay

00:08:46.700 Yeah

00:08:47.160 Then you saw me on TV

00:08:48.400 Well I saw what was happening with you

00:08:50.060 Oh yeah

00:08:50.780 And this was when I started to de-woke myself

00:08:53.260 Are you kidding me?

00:08:54.480 And I was like

00:08:54.920 I never heard this

00:08:56.060 Oh yeah

00:08:56.460 I was woke as can be

00:08:57.360 I was brainwashed

00:08:58.240 I mean

00:08:58.660 You mean seeing what happened to me

00:09:00.600 Was I'm woken you?

00:09:02.080 It helped

00:09:02.560 It was all

00:09:03.200 Oh my god

00:09:03.880 It was you

00:09:04.440 I saw Gina Carano

00:09:05.760 Yeah Gina Carano too

00:09:06.700 And then

00:09:07.320 And then

00:09:08.140 Next thing you know

00:09:09.340 I'm in a movie with her

00:09:10.940 And then I'm meeting you

00:09:13.180 Yeah

00:09:13.640 And it's like

00:09:14.840 All of it was organic

00:09:16.680 Yeah

00:09:17.240 Well it's like a magnet intelligence

00:09:20.180 Yeah

00:09:20.780 It all draws together you know

00:09:22.620 Right

00:09:23.080 Like attracts like

00:09:24.780 Yeah

00:09:25.120 So that's what's happening is

00:09:27.160 Hopefully

00:09:28.740 Intelligence

00:09:31.120 Attracts intelligence

00:09:32.720 Of the same sort

00:09:33.980 Yeah

00:09:34.620 And we are

00:09:36.360 The funny sort

00:09:38.260 You know

00:09:38.860 Because we writers

00:09:40.680 And people who make things funny

00:09:43.040 We are a peculiar sort

00:09:46.040 That like puts

00:09:47.120 Weird severed parts together

00:09:50.340 Yeah

00:09:50.680 You know

00:09:50.980 We put the things together

00:09:52.440 That other people don't see

00:09:55.080 And they definitely don't put them together

00:09:57.300 Yeah

00:09:57.580 You're like

00:09:58.080 I could take that ear

00:09:59.140 And make a vagina

00:10:00.080 I could take that baby's arm

00:10:02.860 And put it

00:10:03.340 Like yeah

00:10:03.820 You're just building this

00:10:04.780 And I think

00:10:05.640 You think it's because

00:10:06.520 We can't

00:10:08.080 The jokes keep coming

00:10:09.140 So it's a

00:10:09.820 It's a currency

00:10:10.580 That doesn't stop

00:10:11.480 Oh I love that you said that

00:10:13.240 Oh my god

00:10:13.960 How much

00:10:14.380 Because I'm not

00:10:15.620 I'm barely functional

00:10:16.540 Human

00:10:17.120 I know

00:10:17.740 But I can just keep

00:10:19.020 The jokes keeping

00:10:20.660 I think it was Michael Malice

00:10:21.680 Michael Malice said

00:10:22.860 He goes

00:10:23.480 You're funny

00:10:24.220 It's pathological

00:10:25.400 It's pathological

00:10:26.200 He goes

00:10:26.800 You can't not do it

00:10:28.340 Who's the woman

00:10:29.720 From Arrested Development

00:10:30.880 The mom

00:10:31.420 Oh god

00:10:32.560 Lucille her name is

00:10:33.600 The real actress

00:10:35.000 Or just

00:10:35.520 Yeah I guess

00:10:36.240 I don't have my phone

00:10:37.140 Lucille

00:10:37.420 Yeah

00:10:38.180 Because you

00:10:38.780 I can't remember

00:10:40.020 You look like Lucille

00:10:41.260 From Arrested Development

00:10:42.240 If she fucked Guy Fieri

00:10:43.520 I can't remember

00:10:47.800 Any of those people

00:10:49.080 You're turning into

00:10:49.820 Female Trump

00:10:50.600 With the hair

00:10:51.180 Don't make fun of the hair

00:10:53.860 I love it

00:10:54.520 Don't make me go

00:10:56.380 Into my hair

00:10:57.700 I love the hair

00:10:59.480 I love the hair

00:11:00.420 I love the hair

00:11:00.980 I love the hair

00:11:02.000 You stepped into it

00:11:03.420 She's doing great things

00:11:04.580 With the hair

00:11:05.100 Look at the hair

00:11:05.820 Her hair was three hours

00:11:06.780 A day of mourning

00:11:07.880 She met me

00:11:09.020 Once at a rally

00:11:10.240 And she said

00:11:11.200 Give me the Trump

00:11:12.200 She said

00:11:12.660 Give me the Trump hair

00:11:13.640 We're making hair

00:11:15.500 So great

00:11:16.120 Rosanne

00:11:16.620 Think of it

00:11:17.260 I was watching

00:11:18.060 That Trump rally

00:11:19.080 When he called you

00:11:20.040 When he called you out

00:11:21.840 Because I'd be home

00:11:23.220 Secretly watching

00:11:24.120 Trump rallies

00:11:24.820 I was totally

00:11:26.120 Really

00:11:27.000 Oh yeah

00:11:27.580 You're like a

00:11:28.740 Oh I went to the woods

00:11:30.560 To transition

00:11:31.580 I went to Maine

00:11:32.360 To a cabin

00:11:33.080 And I slowly start

00:11:34.560 I was like

00:11:35.020 I put on a Trump rally

00:11:36.240 For five minutes

00:11:37.000 And I'd be like

00:11:37.600 And then you

00:11:38.060 I can't take any more

00:11:39.280 She's pretty good

00:11:39.960 And then I would

00:11:40.460 I would go

00:11:41.060 Oh my god baby

00:11:41.780 I was transitioning

00:11:42.740 And then I would do

00:11:43.500 Biden and Trump

00:11:44.440 Did it hurt

00:11:45.320 In your mind

00:11:46.200 In your heart

00:11:47.100 Yeah because I

00:11:47.820 Because I couldn't

00:11:48.200 Tell anybody

00:11:48.840 That's what I want to

00:11:50.120 Can I ask you

00:11:50.860 Because you've lived

00:11:51.500 In Manhattan

00:11:51.940 For 14 years

00:11:52.720 I've lived in Brooklyn

00:11:53.440 For 14 years

00:11:54.720 So you were

00:11:55.560 Becoming pro-Trump

00:11:57.180 During COVID

00:11:57.960 It wasn't

00:11:59.480 I don't even know

00:12:00.460 If it was pro-Trump

00:12:01.700 He was awakening

00:12:01.780 Watching what was

00:12:03.000 Happening to me

00:12:03.820 It was like pro

00:12:04.880 I will now listen

00:12:06.300 To Trump

00:12:06.920 Right

00:12:07.260 Like that was

00:12:07.980 That's a hard move

00:12:08.780 That's where I'm at

00:12:09.780 We were Bernie bros

00:12:10.960 She ran as president

00:12:12.400 In 2012

00:12:13.040 As a socialist

00:12:13.880 Yeah

00:12:14.580 I was pure socialist

00:12:15.760 For the Green Party

00:12:16.260 And I was a Democrat

00:12:17.200 Until 2016

00:12:17.780 Sounds like Mr. Magoo

00:12:18.640 Is having a seizure

00:12:19.240 That's Bernie

00:12:21.680 Yeah

00:12:22.100 But anyway

00:12:22.740 You started to

00:12:24.060 Kind of wake up

00:12:25.260 In like

00:12:25.760 We were kind of like

00:12:27.160 Because of my mother's position

00:12:29.520 And I'm a trust fund kid

00:12:30.440 Like we were in a

00:12:31.160 Like we didn't have to

00:12:32.240 You're in a golden chair

00:12:33.560 I know

00:12:34.340 Look at me

00:12:34.780 But we didn't

00:12:36.020 We didn't like

00:12:36.680 Talk to people

00:12:37.460 So for us

00:12:38.240 It was like an easy transition

00:12:39.340 Because we didn't have

00:12:39.880 Friends to begin with

00:12:40.540 But I can't imagine

00:12:41.740 Being a stand up comic

00:12:42.820 In fucking Manhattan

00:12:43.780 And starting to wake up

00:12:45.480 That must have been horrible

00:12:46.400 I never thought of the benefit

00:12:47.600 Of not having friends

00:12:48.620 To begin with

00:12:49.340 But I'm a little jealous

00:12:51.120 I lost almost everyone

00:12:52.780 That's what I'm going to ask

00:12:53.900 Be quiet

00:12:54.800 No I love when Jake talks

00:12:56.080 Everyone loves Jake

00:12:56.800 I don't like it when Jake talks

00:12:58.580 In the beginning

00:12:59.280 You didn't talk much

00:13:00.060 Remember I was like

00:13:00.720 Great job

00:13:01.320 I was texting him

00:13:02.300 When you started

00:13:02.760 I go great job

00:13:03.300 You're talking a little more

00:13:04.240 Yeah everyone's like

00:13:05.060 Talk more

00:13:05.580 And I was like

00:13:05.920 My mom will kill me

00:13:07.020 She's like how mad she is

00:13:08.740 First you made fun of the hair

00:13:10.080 And now you're telling her

00:13:10.780 To let me talk

00:13:11.340 You're just

00:13:11.760 You're stepping on it

00:13:12.480 Oh I didn't make fun of the hair

00:13:14.140 Okay you ask him this

00:13:15.720 I just want to know

00:13:16.520 I want to know

00:13:17.180 The first time you went on stage

00:13:18.760 Go ahead ask him that

00:13:19.500 Well let me just ask this first

00:13:20.480 And then get into it

00:13:20.980 But like

00:13:21.380 He's transitioning to

00:13:23.440 I don't want to say pro-Trump

00:13:24.480 Just not being a retard

00:13:26.140 Yeah

00:13:27.180 De-retarding

00:13:28.800 You were de-retarding

00:13:30.000 But everyone around you

00:13:31.540 Here is a retard

00:13:32.280 Well can we call it

00:13:33.780 MK ultra government mind control

00:13:36.440 Or some sort of a program thing

00:13:39.100 That you felt breaking

00:13:40.800 Did you feel some sort of a

00:13:42.380 Did you feel some sort of a

00:13:45.100 Imposed thought structure breaking

00:13:48.660 Well it was chlamydia

00:13:50.560 Come to find out

00:13:51.400 I texted just

00:13:53.840 I just had chlamydia

00:13:55.480 And I didn't have sex

00:13:56.540 So how

00:13:56.900 First of all

00:13:58.160 How can you get chlamydia

00:13:59.700 Without having sex

00:14:00.820 I don't know

00:14:01.960 Toilets

00:14:02.520 Because girls will

00:14:04.220 I sent you the text

00:14:05.300 Girls will break up with me

00:14:06.540 When they start watching my stuff

00:14:08.160 It's amazing mom

00:14:09.620 Can you read it to my mom

00:14:10.920 And by the way

00:14:11.660 It's amazing

00:14:12.500 I'm very

00:14:13.240 I like to meet women in the wild

00:14:16.020 You know

00:14:16.760 Off the dating apps

00:14:18.280 In the wild

00:14:19.540 In the wild

00:14:20.200 Just out on the street

00:14:21.360 Oh no

00:14:22.580 Yeah yeah yeah

00:14:23.540 Because they

00:14:23.920 Because

00:14:24.420 He's an old school

00:14:25.240 You have to

00:14:25.920 Now you have to put your height

00:14:27.660 On Tinder

00:14:28.520 This is true

00:14:29.220 I used to go on

00:14:31.200 Four dates a week on them

00:14:32.740 And now I get none

00:14:34.260 Yeah

00:14:34.540 Because women can

00:14:35.940 Put a height requirement on there

00:14:38.660 How tall are you?

00:14:40.060 Well I had to change my height

00:14:41.120 To millimeters

00:14:41.680 To trick them

00:14:42.980 I'm 5'5

00:14:44.840 Yeah

00:14:45.220 That's not that short

00:14:46.600 My dad was 5'6

00:14:48.240 You don't know what's going on

00:14:51.660 It's tough

00:14:52.120 Right now

00:14:52.500 Okay I'm sorry

00:14:53.420 Six feet tall

00:14:55.280 Is a minimum

00:14:56.660 Yeah

00:14:57.120 For the majority of women

00:14:58.600 In this city

00:14:59.180 And I'm not fucking kidding

00:15:00.580 No he's right

00:15:01.060 Why are they really tall too?

00:15:02.760 No

00:15:03.200 No

00:15:03.580 And they're all 250 fucking pounds

00:15:05.880 Yeah

00:15:06.660 Which is amazing

00:15:08.440 Look at this

00:15:09.580 Is that true?

00:15:10.620 Look at this

00:15:11.680 And they're being picky

00:15:12.940 Yeah

00:15:13.440 Look at this

00:15:14.380 I know it is all fat

00:15:15.660 Fat bitches like

00:15:16.840 What's your name?

00:15:18.300 Lizzo stealing my act

00:15:19.740 And being picky

00:15:20.480 Like going

00:15:22.380 Hey you can't have any of this

00:15:24.420 Oh

00:15:24.840 Bitch nobody wants

00:15:26.400 Any of that

00:15:27.540 Okay

00:15:28.040 You're in a delusional

00:15:29.700 Fucking world

00:15:31.040 They're all like that

00:15:31.940 I can't imagine

00:15:33.020 The only reason

00:15:33.720 Anybody likes anything

00:15:35.120 To do with it

00:15:36.120 Is because you will

00:15:37.560 Bend over

00:15:38.380 And let them do

00:15:39.140 Whatever they

00:15:39.840 And their 10 friends

00:15:40.980 Want to do

00:15:41.620 It's true

00:15:42.040 You better shut your mouth

00:15:43.200 You got no self respect

00:15:44.560 Kiss my ass

00:15:45.720 You better listen

00:15:47.140 To the shit

00:15:47.820 Me

00:15:48.820 Your granny

00:15:49.980 Is telling you

00:15:50.940 At your own peril

00:15:52.320 You will ignore me

00:15:53.500 And you're gonna go

00:15:54.320 Straight to hell

00:15:55.180 And burn there

00:15:56.420 In a lake of fire

00:15:57.340 For time and all

00:15:58.280 Of eternity

00:15:58.980 Alright show her

00:16:00.040 We go to these

00:16:00.540 Commercial messages

00:16:01.160 No I want you to

00:16:02.320 Read this out loud

00:16:03.480 You gotta move the mic

00:16:04.120 Back and forth for me

00:16:04.920 Okay read it

00:16:05.960 No it's hilarious

00:16:06.500 I can't even see

00:16:07.020 Make it bigger print

00:16:08.980 Read the first one

00:16:10.220 This is real

00:16:10.800 He sent this to me earlier

00:16:11.680 Okay so that's the

00:16:12.480 This is to you

00:16:12.900 This is the first message

00:16:14.180 A woman sent to me

00:16:15.140 So she's the white

00:16:16.320 She's the white

00:16:17.300 And on the yellow

00:16:17.880 This is not uncommon

00:16:19.420 This is on Bumble

00:16:20.400 By the way

00:16:20.780 Okay

00:16:21.060 She says what

00:16:22.020 She says I'm five

00:16:23.220 Nope nope nope

00:16:24.140 You just have to read it

00:16:25.960 To her

00:16:26.120 She's a real

00:16:26.960 Read the top one

00:16:27.520 I don't know how to do

00:16:28.400 Any of this

00:16:29.100 This is amazing

00:16:29.880 Read the top one

00:16:31.720 I do a podcast

00:16:32.540 Okay how tall are you

00:16:34.400 That's her first

00:16:35.520 Yeah

00:16:35.860 That's her first thing

00:16:36.780 Opening line to me

00:16:37.520 Isn't that horrible

00:16:38.120 Yes

00:16:38.500 How tall are you

00:16:40.140 And then I wrote

00:16:41.180 How much do you weigh

00:16:43.980 How much

00:16:44.800 Did she ever call you back

00:16:48.620 Here's what she comes back

00:16:50.060 Here's what she comes back with

00:16:51.340 I am five

00:16:52.200 Foot

00:16:53.000 Five

00:16:53.620 But weighing

00:16:54.640 Two

00:16:55.100 One

00:16:55.460 Five

00:16:55.960 215 pounds

00:16:57.520 I'm trying to lose weight

00:16:59.220 I don't look too fat

00:17:01.020 But I do want to lose

00:17:02.980 50 pounds

00:17:04.220 So she wants to get from

00:17:05.780 215

00:17:06.540 Down 50

00:17:08.120 Putting her like

00:17:09.780 At one of Lizzo's legs

00:17:11.040 At that point

00:17:11.780 She usually lose about

00:17:12.940 100

00:17:13.280 At that height

00:17:13.940 Let's be real

00:17:14.800 Why is she setting her

00:17:16.460 Standage too low

00:17:17.060 Okay

00:17:17.260 Lizzo's pinky

00:17:19.000 Her pinky nail

00:17:22.060 175 pounds

00:17:23.880 The fat jokes

00:17:25.300 Are always the best

00:17:25.940 Everyone loves fat jokes

00:17:26.620 I started doing Lizzo jokes

00:17:27.960 Because I saw you do them

00:17:29.240 Because this can bring

00:17:30.280 The world together

00:17:31.180 Fat jokes

00:17:32.140 They will bring

00:17:33.100 The world together

00:17:33.220 I always say

00:17:33.840 Fat people and short people

00:17:35.760 Are in the same boat

00:17:36.980 And it doesn't sink

00:17:37.840 Because we balance out

00:17:38.860 The weight

00:17:39.200 That's right people

00:17:40.800 I can't imagine

00:17:42.440 Damn that's brilliant

00:17:43.380 And then I wrote back

00:17:44.660 And I said

00:17:45.040 Uh oh

00:17:45.180 It went away

00:17:45.740 I'll tell you

00:17:46.420 You're just gonna have

00:17:47.440 To read it

00:17:47.720 Well I basically said

00:17:48.860 I said okay

00:17:49.680 I'm 5'5

00:17:50.800 I said do you have

00:17:51.960 A height requirement

00:17:52.680 And then she

00:17:53.360 Never wrote back

00:17:54.080 Deleted me

00:17:54.520 Disgusting

00:17:55.180 And this is so common

00:17:57.800 Yeah

00:17:58.240 Well you wouldn't look good

00:17:59.720 With someone

00:18:00.780 Your same height

00:18:02.380 Weighing to 15

00:18:03.760 No

00:18:04.000 That would look like

00:18:05.500 The number 10

00:18:06.340 Going down the street

00:18:07.380 I'd be like kissing

00:18:07.980 I'd be like a little

00:18:08.960 Baby bird kissing the mom

00:18:10.240 Like

00:18:10.420 She'd be spitting food

00:18:13.860 In my mouth

00:18:14.320 Well I don't have

00:18:17.480 A height thing

00:18:18.180 I've dated women

00:18:19.400 That were 6 feet tall

00:18:20.280 Before

00:18:20.680 And if they don't care

00:18:22.280 That's even hotter

00:18:23.160 Did you have sex

00:18:23.840 With them

00:18:24.240 Well they

00:18:24.800 They were

00:18:25.400 Convicted pedophiles

00:18:26.440 They saw me

00:18:28.240 From the back

00:18:28.780 And thought I was 12

00:18:29.760 That's one of my

00:18:30.500 Favorite jokes you do

00:18:32.080 Did you see that

00:18:36.800 With that page

00:18:37.960 Doing that

00:18:38.780 In the congressional

00:18:39.620 Senate

00:18:40.240 Yeah

00:18:40.740 Oh the page

00:18:41.840 That was having sex

00:18:42.740 Yeah and the senate

00:18:43.900 Or was it the congress

00:18:45.100 Yeah one of them

00:18:46.100 But sucks in congress

00:18:47.260 That's

00:18:48.540 That's what you voted for

00:18:49.820 Those are the people

00:18:50.800 Telling us

00:18:51.500 We're offensive

00:18:52.380 Yeah

00:18:52.900 Yeah

00:18:53.300 Exactly

00:18:53.860 Yeah

00:18:55.000 They're literally

00:18:56.000 Taking it up the ass

00:18:57.120 I can't believe

00:18:58.360 Sorry

00:18:58.740 I can't believe

00:18:59.860 So you're thinking

00:19:01.920 Of leaving Manhattan

00:19:02.680 Right

00:19:03.060 I

00:19:03.900 On my way here

00:19:05.020 Put in an offer

00:19:06.300 Yeah

00:19:06.740 To rent a house

00:19:07.840 In Austin

00:19:08.260 You have to

00:19:08.980 Come to Austin

00:19:09.480 Because

00:19:09.840 You've got to come

00:19:10.780 To Austin

00:19:11.020 Like

00:19:11.300 It's just

00:19:12.500 Yeah another

00:19:13.200 Remember that song

00:19:14.560 Please come to Austin

00:19:17.160 In the summer

00:19:17.260 But keep the Jews away

00:19:19.060 Oh different song

00:19:20.040 That's a

00:19:20.820 Different song

00:19:21.660 Can you get the mic

00:19:22.680 Closer to your mouth

00:19:23.620 My

00:19:23.860 You're leaning out

00:19:24.640 What

00:19:25.120 Put the mic

00:19:25.940 Yes I have to

00:19:27.960 I want to rag on New York

00:19:29.160 That's what I'm trying to do

00:19:29.780 You need to go down there

00:19:30.580 Everyone down there

00:19:31.500 Is going to love you so much

00:19:32.540 I'm going to die here

00:19:33.240 I'm actually dying

00:19:34.260 It's horrible

00:19:34.640 I feel it

00:19:35.200 What happened

00:19:36.600 Because I used to love New York

00:19:37.800 Just because there's no feeling

00:19:39.360 Of life

00:19:39.980 Liberty or art

00:19:41.060 It's like

00:19:41.660 I do want a wife

00:19:42.600 And a family

00:19:43.180 I date girls

00:19:44.260 And they

00:19:44.820 They're so brainwashed

00:19:46.440 From wokeism

00:19:47.880 And

00:19:48.280 And the internet

00:19:50.020 And Instagram

00:19:50.860 And it's like

00:19:51.580 I worked 20 years

00:19:53.120 To be able to sit

00:19:54.480 On this couch with you

00:19:55.420 Right

00:19:55.700 Right

00:19:56.100 And

00:19:56.820 How old are you

00:19:57.460 These girls can just

00:19:58.420 Walk out of the house

00:19:59.520 With tits

00:20:00.060 And put them on the internet

00:20:01.080 And they

00:20:02.080 Put themselves

00:20:02.820 At the same level

00:20:03.920 Of

00:20:04.440 Either fame

00:20:05.640 Or work

00:20:06.700 Or whatever

00:20:07.380 And so you don't

00:20:08.920 I go and kill at the cellar

00:20:10.760 Murder

00:20:11.240 And then women will walk out

00:20:12.460 And be like

00:20:12.880 Yeah I don't know

00:20:14.060 Like I guess I'll

00:20:15.000 You know

00:20:15.600 Maybe I'll follow you

00:20:16.740 Online

00:20:17.340 Or

00:20:17.860 That was okay

00:20:19.080 That hurts

00:20:20.160 Well it's

00:20:21.140 You know it's fine

00:20:21.880 I mean that was my mom

00:20:22.840 That said that but

00:20:23.880 She sucks

00:20:26.940 She sucks

00:20:28.840 Oh

00:20:30.420 You wouldn't know

00:20:31.060 It always is your mom

00:20:32.320 That says that

00:20:33.100 Ain't it

00:20:33.600 This is the

00:20:34.440 That's what my mom

00:20:35.200 Goes oh I didn't even know

00:20:36.580 You were back to doing comedy

00:20:38.120 It broke my heart

00:20:39.640 I don't tell my family shit anymore

00:20:41.160 I don't tell them anyway

00:20:42.200 You can't tell anybody

00:20:42.900 They're awful people

00:20:43.980 You can't tell anybody

00:20:44.560 They're the ones that made us

00:20:45.680 Into comics

00:20:46.380 Which all comes from

00:20:47.420 Pain of rejection

00:20:48.520 Am I right?

00:20:49.560 I owe him a fat check for that

00:20:50.920 Yeah my dad came out

00:20:54.140 Left our family

00:20:55.020 He came out of the closet

00:20:56.440 When I was seven

00:20:57.220 I didn't know this

00:20:58.140 Are you shitting me

00:20:59.040 How many kids?

00:20:59.980 He came out as racist

00:21:01.500 No he's gay

00:21:03.600 He's gay

00:21:04.160 Is he really?

00:21:05.080 Yeah

00:21:05.200 You were seven

00:21:06.200 How many kids were there?

00:21:07.500 Three

00:21:07.940 Was he gay before you were born?

00:21:10.160 Were you oldest or little?

00:21:11.180 You're always gay man

00:21:12.140 I believe a lot of this new shit

00:21:13.720 Like most of it

00:21:15.300 You know

00:21:15.740 Is

00:21:16.640 Is

00:21:17.140 Socialized

00:21:18.280 But

00:21:18.620 I've talked to a lot of gay people

00:21:20.460 They know

00:21:21.060 When they're three

00:21:21.900 Four or five

00:21:22.460 There's a percentage

00:21:23.040 Of course

00:21:23.480 You know

00:21:23.940 Some of them

00:21:24.400 It's a small percentage though

00:21:25.560 But there is

00:21:26.000 I think

00:21:26.740 Yeah

00:21:27.180 Like actual gay and trans

00:21:28.420 I mean some do

00:21:28.660 It's all over

00:21:30.340 Some do when they're real little

00:21:32.180 Some do when they're real old

00:21:33.500 Of course

00:21:33.840 I'm just saying

00:21:34.300 Like I want to get back to

00:21:35.200 Like when gay people were like

00:21:36.520 But I want to hear this

00:21:38.260 Were you the oldest

00:21:39.480 Or the middle?

00:21:39.960 I was the youngest at seven

00:21:41.640 Seven

00:21:42.080 Nine

00:21:43.360 Eleven

00:21:44.040 So

00:21:45.140 I didn't

00:21:46.900 Well he came out as bisexual first

00:21:49.040 Did he tell his kids that?

00:21:51.140 Well he told my wife

00:21:52.840 Well

00:21:53.520 I became her fucking husband after that

00:21:57.080 You know

00:21:57.520 Did he leave the family?

00:21:58.880 Huh?

00:21:59.240 Yeah yeah

00:22:00.020 And then I became the

00:22:01.420 Husband

00:22:02.280 Well you know that whole

00:22:03.280 I do

00:22:04.000 The dysfunctional family

00:22:04.960 I'm sexually attracted to my mom

00:22:06.760 Oh yeah

00:22:07.700 Only when I'm high

00:22:09.640 Which is called an edible complex

00:22:12.340 That's

00:22:13.520 I don't think I get that

00:22:15.040 That's a pretty good joke

00:22:15.600 I don't know if I get it

00:22:16.760 You know the eatable complex?

00:22:18.320 Edible

00:22:18.680 The oedipus complex

00:22:19.700 Oedipus

00:22:20.300 But edible

00:22:20.980 Edible is

00:22:21.820 But you really became your mother's husband

00:22:23.620 Yeah

00:22:23.820 Oh yeah

00:22:24.300 Well that's what happens to the youngest boy

00:22:26.760 It's covert incest

00:22:27.620 It's covert incest

00:22:28.420 Listen

00:22:28.500 This is what happens to the youngest son

00:22:31.480 In all families where that happens

00:22:33.860 It's part of the dysfunctional

00:22:34.920 Are you the youngest?

00:22:35.420 I'm the oldest son

00:22:36.220 But I feel like I'm your husband

00:22:37.360 So maybe it's the oldest son

00:22:38.860 Well your younger brother feels like he's my husband too

00:22:42.500 It's a weird fucking thing to say

00:22:43.540 Because I'm a bigamist

00:22:44.660 Do you really?

00:22:45.760 I'm an incestuous bigamist

00:22:47.660 I mean

00:22:47.940 No

00:22:48.260 All joking aside

00:22:49.380 Like I'm like

00:22:50.220 Basically

00:22:51.240 You know

00:22:51.880 Work for her and live with her

00:22:53.400 So when one person asked me

00:22:55.560 Like what do you do for your mom?

00:22:56.500 Do we just go to the agent?

00:22:57.560 And he's like

00:22:57.780 Basically

00:22:58.180 I'm her husband

00:22:59.440 Like that's what I am right now

00:23:00.920 I didn't know he was telling people that

00:23:02.420 But that's what it is

00:23:03.180 You crazy fucking

00:23:04.020 You know what?

00:23:04.520 Jordan Peterson's at the beacon

00:23:05.680 We should bring him in here

00:23:06.640 To do a little thing

00:23:07.320 He's coming

00:23:07.820 You know

00:23:08.040 Well it's like

00:23:08.940 Well you want to fuck your mom

00:23:10.380 It's like Carly and Gorn to boot that

00:23:12.040 You know

00:23:12.460 It's like

00:23:13.440 You rescue your father

00:23:14.360 From the belly of the whale

00:23:15.360 And then you fuck your mom

00:23:17.040 And then you clean your room

00:23:18.680 In that order

00:23:20.240 It's like

00:23:21.060 Well you think it's comical

00:23:22.500 It's like

00:23:23.400 What do you think of him?

00:23:25.560 He's a little odd

00:23:26.760 He changed my life

00:23:27.620 Did he?

00:23:28.280 He's the reason I'm sitting here right now

00:23:29.760 Really?

00:23:30.020 How come?

00:23:30.560 Why?

00:23:31.120 I could give you exactly how

00:23:33.100 Give me a good sentence

00:23:34.360 You're a great writer

00:23:35.740 Give me it in a sentence

00:23:37.380 He taught me to tell the truth

00:23:40.420 Inspired me to tell the truth

00:23:42.220 And he said

00:23:43.700 If you tell the truth

00:23:44.540 You'll have the adventure of your life

00:23:45.960 And that's true

00:23:46.640 Because it was like

00:23:47.440 It's not true

00:23:47.760 It's like

00:23:48.560 When are you getting the vaccine?

00:23:49.840 Oh I'm not getting it

00:23:51.060 What do you mean you're not getting it?

00:23:52.640 Do the right thing

00:23:53.540 Well it's not for me

00:23:54.760 And then my employer

00:23:56.200 You know

00:23:56.920 The comedy club

00:23:58.020 They said

00:23:58.920 Show me your papers

00:23:59.820 And I said

00:24:00.620 I can't

00:24:01.200 And then they said

00:24:01.780 Okay you're gone

00:24:02.460 Comedy club?

00:24:03.780 Oh yeah

00:24:04.300 Oh my god

00:24:05.360 Every club here

00:24:06.340 Every club here

00:24:07.180 Every club in New York

00:24:08.440 You had to be vaccinated

00:24:09.440 And if you keep doing that

00:24:10.520 Oh my god

00:24:11.140 You keep telling the truth

00:24:12.480 Comedy clubs?

00:24:13.800 You end up in the goddamn Plaza Hotel

00:24:15.460 With Roseanne Barr

00:24:16.300 Yeah

00:24:16.580 Shoving fruit in your ass

00:24:17.940 Yeah

00:24:18.660 You didn't shove it in your ass

00:24:20.740 I came with it

00:24:21.680 No but for real

00:24:22.040 You had to

00:24:23.120 During COVID

00:24:23.800 I remember

00:24:24.200 Because I followed him

00:24:25.020 Oh they were just trying to

00:24:26.380 You had to be vaxed

00:24:27.580 They were just trying to

00:24:27.840 Shut us the fuck up

00:24:29.080 They had a vaxed bouncer

00:24:30.760 Yes

00:24:31.140 They was lying to us

00:24:32.180 At every bar

00:24:32.540 Every cafe

00:24:33.360 Is that true?

00:24:34.040 A bouncer?

00:24:34.360 It was a little vaxed

00:24:35.420 I gotta make a movie about that

00:24:36.480 Yeah

00:24:36.760 With their mask on

00:24:37.560 The sanitary shit

00:24:39.540 And then they would go

00:24:41.000 Papers please

00:24:41.660 And everyone would go

00:24:42.100 Yes

00:24:42.640 Okay sure

00:24:43.420 Fucking ridiculous

00:24:44.340 And they did it

00:24:45.660 They did it without

00:24:46.280 Feeling a shame

00:24:47.000 Yeah

00:24:47.780 Fuck that

00:24:48.160 They don't want us

00:24:49.580 To remember what happened

00:24:50.980 Now there are words

00:24:51.860 On our memory

00:24:52.920 That's all I'll say

00:24:54.320 Because you know

00:24:55.240 They're going to come after me

00:24:56.300 And try to shut me down

00:24:57.260 Not give me no money

00:24:58.100 On YouTube

00:24:58.600 Of course

00:24:59.240 But you know what

00:25:00.200 God is going to

00:25:02.260 Shut you down

00:25:03.180 Well ma

00:25:05.220 You know

00:25:05.800 We're

00:25:06.360 Bird flu's coming

00:25:07.760 We're all going to die

00:25:08.640 Oh yeah sorry

00:25:09.260 That's okay

00:25:10.320 I like your

00:25:11.300 I like those glasses

00:25:12.940 We got those at Bergdorf

00:25:14.060 And the bow

00:25:17.120 That was a very triggering

00:25:18.700 Visit to Bergdorf

00:25:20.300 We'll talk about that next week

00:25:21.580 I don't know if you know

00:25:22.220 You're trending again

00:25:23.140 Oh I am

00:25:24.380 I'm trending

00:25:24.860 Well I had terrible memories

00:25:26.780 Of what happened to me there

00:25:29.440 Joe Biden

00:25:30.180 My unfortunate

00:25:32.140 Problem with Joe Biden

00:25:35.040 There 26 years ago

00:25:36.420 But it was the

00:25:37.280 You know

00:25:38.120 Real Joe Biden

00:25:39.380 Before he was executed

00:25:40.840 At Gittin

00:25:41.420 Not this Joe Biden

00:25:43.700 Let's be very clear then

00:25:45.040 Because this Joe Biden

00:25:45.840 Is innocent

00:25:46.260 Not this Joe Biden

00:25:47.360 Not the clone

00:25:48.640 The original

00:25:49.960 Dead Joe Biden

00:25:51.140 That the Jag

00:25:53.240 Executed at

00:25:54.700 I read it

00:25:56.800 It's got to be true

00:25:58.000 If you read it on the internet

00:25:58.760 Well I just want to say

00:25:59.820 With the president

00:26:00.960 Being a clone

00:26:01.740 And Bird flu

00:26:03.600 Being gain of function

00:26:04.680 Research till we're all dead

00:26:05.940 We do want to talk

00:26:07.100 About the importance

00:26:08.160 Of buying gold

00:26:10.160 And silver

00:26:10.760 We've been doing this

00:26:11.460 Since the beginning

00:26:11.900 We've taken a little bit

00:26:12.660 Of a break

00:26:13.140 But rblikesgold.com

00:26:15.820 Go there now

00:26:16.580 You can buy individual

00:26:17.600 Silver and gold pieces

00:26:19.100 You can get an IRAK

00:26:20.580 You can do it all

00:26:21.500 We've got a landing page

00:26:23.100 We're really going to push it now

00:26:24.380 Because this is not

00:26:25.420 About making money

00:26:27.000 This is about

00:26:27.460 Protecting what you have

00:26:28.400 This is about

00:26:28.920 What you have

00:26:29.620 Because you don't want

00:26:31.200 To end up with

00:26:31.800 Just useless money

00:26:32.920 Like in Germany

00:26:33.780 When they had to

00:26:34.840 Take a wheelbarrow

00:26:35.880 Down to the store

00:26:36.680 And pay for money

00:26:37.500 To buy a loaf of bread

00:26:38.500 You want real value

00:26:40.180 And that's

00:26:41.260 You know

00:26:41.880 Real things

00:26:42.920 Like gold and silver

00:26:43.940 So

00:26:44.300 Of course don't take

00:26:45.540 Everything you got

00:26:46.940 But you know

00:26:48.160 Really look into it

00:26:49.460 And this company

00:26:50.200 Will help you look into it

00:26:51.440 Right

00:26:51.700 Yeah

00:26:52.320 Or take everything you got

00:26:53.460 Because that's better commission

00:26:54.400 For us

00:26:54.900 Whatever you want

00:26:55.880 No pressure

00:26:56.520 But anyway

00:26:57.940 Rblikesgold

00:26:58.840 Put a step at a time

00:27:00.020 Educate yourself

00:27:01.180 Yeah

00:27:01.660 You know

00:27:02.060 Don't do anything rash

00:27:03.300 But we're doing it too

00:27:04.720 So you know

00:27:05.580 That's what everybody suggests

00:27:07.020 That we really

00:27:08.260 You know

00:27:09.420 Put your money

00:27:10.160 Into real things

00:27:11.440 Rather than paper money

00:27:12.700 Which is worthless

00:27:13.880 And it's on its way

00:27:15.520 Down

00:27:16.520 Right

00:27:16.960 Yeah

00:27:17.320 Well said

00:27:18.160 Well mom

00:27:19.840 You know

00:27:20.060 There's a silent epidemic

00:27:21.180 Affecting over

00:27:21.880 100 million Americans

00:27:22.960 That is

00:27:23.580 Fatty liver

00:27:24.680 We talk about it

00:27:25.460 Quite a bit

00:27:25.860 Because

00:27:26.240 We always joke

00:27:27.520 That your

00:27:28.060 Fatty liver

00:27:29.720 Needed

00:27:30.120 Stomach stapled

00:27:31.100 My favorite

00:27:32.000 We did that last week

00:27:34.640 But anyway

00:27:35.120 It is a serious problem

00:27:36.900 Fatty liver

00:27:37.460 It messes with your

00:27:38.520 Sleep

00:27:39.400 It messes with your mood

00:27:40.440 Your digestion

00:27:41.200 It's a big problem

00:27:42.480 Yeah

00:27:43.020 Your liver is important

00:27:44.360 Right

00:27:44.840 And that's why

00:27:46.300 It's so important

00:27:47.060 To start protecting

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00:28:45.160 That's what I'm telling you

00:28:49.160 Well

00:28:49.420 Better lesson

00:28:50.120 Anyway

00:28:51.000 So what was your

00:28:51.860 Well

00:28:51.940 Jordan prime

00:28:53.100 If I had not discovered him

00:28:55.360 Because it took me

00:28:56.200 5 years of listening to him

00:28:57.900 To really start

00:28:59.160 Implementing that stuff

00:29:00.420 Yeah

00:29:00.940 So I was

00:29:01.560 Just perfectly primed

00:29:03.180 For it

00:29:03.620 When shit hit the fan

00:29:04.640 And if it was

00:29:05.520 A year or two less

00:29:06.380 I don't know

00:29:06.860 If I would have

00:29:07.300 Had the balls to

00:29:08.060 Yeah

00:29:08.360 So

00:29:09.100 Are you talking about

00:29:10.140 Telling the truth

00:29:11.640 And living the truth

00:29:13.080 Well I saw him

00:29:14.080 Stand up to

00:29:14.960 What was

00:29:15.560 Called Bill C-16

00:29:17.160 In Canada

00:29:17.820 Yeah I saw that too

00:29:19.020 About compelling speech

00:29:20.160 Which has never happened

00:29:21.140 In the history

00:29:21.620 Of this fucking world

00:29:22.440 Maybe in

00:29:23.160 Palestine perhaps

00:29:24.400 With all the

00:29:25.500 Gay Palestinians

00:29:26.300 I don't know what

00:29:27.240 You know

00:29:28.020 Better left

00:29:28.960 They're chanting

00:29:29.920 From the river

00:29:30.460 To the seamen

00:29:31.060 Over there

00:29:31.520 What is a gay

00:29:34.200 Palestinian

00:29:34.780 So you know

00:29:36.480 I saw him

00:29:37.800 Just stand up

00:29:39.160 To that

00:29:39.520 And if you

00:29:40.680 Haven't watched it

00:29:41.540 He's in congress

00:29:42.500 In Canada

00:29:43.160 Explaining why

00:29:44.580 You can't do it

00:29:45.360 And you really

00:29:46.020 Understand human nature

00:29:47.240 Because even

00:29:47.960 The congress people

00:29:49.140 Which aren't

00:29:49.700 You know

00:29:49.960 They're still smart

00:29:51.160 It's still not easy

00:29:51.860 To like win

00:29:53.220 An election

00:29:53.760 No

00:29:54.220 Like go be the

00:29:55.000 Mayor of your town

00:29:55.860 You know

00:29:58.820 That's not very hard

00:29:59.640 For the New York

00:30:01.780 Mayor to win

00:30:02.620 But to see him

00:30:04.620 You can actually

00:30:05.520 Cut that part

00:30:06.080 See him

00:30:07.580 Stay so firm

00:30:10.280 Yeah

00:30:10.640 And have people

00:30:11.480 Going

00:30:11.780 Well just say

00:30:12.460 Their pronouns

00:30:13.180 Just say they're this

00:30:14.220 And he's like

00:30:14.640 You don't understand

00:30:15.740 Yeah

00:30:16.040 If you force someone

00:30:17.360 To say something

00:30:18.540 It's gonna spiral

00:30:20.060 Out of control

00:30:20.720 Yeah he was right

00:30:21.260 And everything he said

00:30:22.220 Came true

00:30:22.800 Yep

00:30:23.140 And so I just

00:30:24.400 Applied that

00:30:25.360 That amount of like

00:30:27.440 You know

00:30:27.980 Whatever it was

00:30:30.100 Fortitude

00:30:30.540 Fortitude or

00:30:31.880 Courage or whatever

00:30:33.920 It is

00:30:34.480 Where you go like

00:30:35.380 It's really hard

00:30:36.840 You have to stay

00:30:37.640 So firm

00:30:38.200 Because people

00:30:38.680 Keep coming

00:30:39.980 Oh some of those

00:30:40.820 Videos he's surrounded

00:30:41.760 By trans activists

00:30:43.040 Yeah

00:30:43.460 On college campuses

00:30:44.320 And this was

00:30:45.800 Before them

00:30:47.000 Physically attacking us

00:30:48.100 Was the norm

00:30:48.700 I remember the early days

00:30:49.580 When we were like

00:30:49.880 Are they gonna go crazy

00:30:50.820 Before they did

00:30:51.420 He would come out

00:30:52.180 He would stay cool

00:30:53.200 He would speak very calmly

00:30:55.500 Yeah he's very respectful

00:30:56.320 And logically with them

00:30:57.200 And he would dispel hate

00:31:00.860 Dispel hate

00:31:02.600 Yeah

00:31:03.080 And they kept trying to

00:31:04.600 Amp it up in every possible way

00:31:06.060 And labeled him a transphobe

00:31:08.240 Which he's not

00:31:09.220 No he's not

00:31:09.960 And I love how he says

00:31:13.540 You know

00:31:14.700 If he met somebody

00:31:16.600 In his class

00:31:17.680 That said

00:31:18.040 I'm trans

00:31:19.160 He would

00:31:20.660 Take in the information

00:31:22.160 And make his own

00:31:23.040 Educated guess

00:31:24.100 Right

00:31:24.300 On whether or not

00:31:25.120 He was gonna go along

00:31:26.320 With someone who really was

00:31:28.320 Yeah

00:31:28.820 Or a narcissist

00:31:29.620 Who's seeking attention

00:31:31.220 Right

00:31:31.640 Yeah

00:31:32.180 And not only that

00:31:33.460 But saying

00:31:33.780 I'll accept responsibility

00:31:34.960 If I'm incorrect

00:31:35.920 And I've just like

00:31:37.740 Never heard anyone

00:31:38.440 Say that before

00:31:39.180 No

00:31:39.960 So

00:31:40.820 He knows it's an ideological war

00:31:43.580 Yeah

00:31:44.260 He knows it all the way

00:31:45.980 Down to a certain level

00:31:47.800 But then I think that he

00:31:49.560 I don't mean to say anything

00:31:51.740 Negative about him

00:31:52.620 Because I really want to

00:31:53.580 Yeah but you can too

00:31:53.880 And that's another thing

00:31:55.020 I think he's got a couple

00:31:56.360 Steps more

00:31:57.380 That I could help him with

00:31:58.840 You know

00:32:00.000 Because I like to help thinkers

00:32:01.940 I think very

00:32:03.140 Sure

00:32:04.680 Have you ever

00:32:06.060 Deeply

00:32:06.700 Talked to him on a podcast

00:32:07.860 He's coming on

00:32:09.140 It's the end of this month

00:32:10.080 We've been trying for a long time

00:32:10.940 Or it's like

00:32:11.500 Well we have him on now

00:32:12.580 Do a little deep fake

00:32:13.500 You know

00:32:13.980 Save you a couple thousand dollars

00:32:16.760 She's gonna do his show

00:32:18.920 I was gonna do something with him

00:32:20.440 But they wanted me to play a pig

00:32:22.340 I don't wanna

00:32:22.880 And I'm like

00:32:23.560 Oh my god

00:32:24.320 I can't play a pig

00:32:25.560 I'm a Jew

00:32:26.480 And my son was like

00:32:28.080 Mother you're being ridiculous

00:32:29.240 What do you mean play a pig

00:32:30.280 Dude

00:32:30.420 I can't play a pig

00:32:31.620 I'm still mad at her

00:32:32.960 Do you wanna hear the story

00:32:33.980 He's still mad at me

00:32:34.660 I'll play the fucking pig

00:32:35.620 I'm not gonna play a pig

00:32:37.080 I'm not gonna play a pig

00:32:37.100 In a cartoon

00:32:38.320 Because I'm a Jew

00:32:39.540 Oh in a cartoon

00:32:40.500 No no

00:32:40.780 Yeah

00:32:41.220 She wasn't playing a pig

00:32:42.780 Jordan Peterson

00:32:44.060 Did a music video

00:32:45.080 I'm not gonna have all the Jews

00:32:46.260 Coming after me

00:32:47.420 Because I play a pig

00:32:48.700 She

00:32:48.980 Okay

00:32:49.260 You know what I mean

00:32:49.980 Here's what happened

00:32:50.420 Just real quick

00:32:51.020 Because I wanna get this out

00:32:51.820 Well you can rescue your father

00:32:52.400 From the belly of the pig

00:32:53.400 He did a music video

00:32:55.140 I'm sure you've seen it

00:32:56.300 It was a huge hit

00:32:57.140 But he did his own music video

00:32:59.260 And in it

00:33:00.180 He also is wearing a pig's mask

00:33:02.080 Because he's playing another character

00:33:03.300 As himself

00:33:04.300 It didn't do that well

00:33:05.880 But Dave Rubin's in it

00:33:06.820 A lot of

00:33:07.200 Michael Malice

00:33:07.980 A lot of our friends are in it

00:33:09.020 So they asked mom

00:33:09.600 To do a cameo on Zoom

00:33:10.700 And they said

00:33:12.120 You'll replace this one scene

00:33:13.660 Where he's playing a pig

00:33:14.800 And she said

00:33:15.900 I can't be in video with a pig

00:33:17.060 Because I'm a Jew

00:33:17.660 And cancel it the day

00:33:18.780 We are recording

00:33:19.460 So I had to call and be like

00:33:20.400 Sorry we're not doing it

00:33:21.660 Because there's a pig

00:33:22.260 I can't play a pig

00:33:22.680 I'm a Jew

00:33:23.160 But I'm respectful of her

00:33:24.220 That makes sense right

00:33:25.140 Yeah Lizzo wasn't available

00:33:26.580 I don't think it was a fat

00:33:31.320 Maybe it was a fat joke

00:33:33.060 You know culture

00:33:33.860 I should have looked at it

00:33:34.900 As a fat joke

00:33:35.660 I looked at it

00:33:36.760 As an anti-Semite joke

00:33:38.260 Oh okay

00:33:38.720 I should have looked at it

00:33:39.840 As a fat joke

00:33:40.720 Maybe that's good

00:33:41.800 Yeah

00:33:42.240 Yeah I can't remember

00:33:43.260 What the significance was

00:33:44.380 Oh I was totally off the mark there

00:33:45.820 It doesn't matter

00:33:46.580 You didn't have to do it

00:33:47.580 How old are you?

00:33:48.440 37

00:33:48.880 He's younger than all my kids

00:33:53.300 Except one

00:33:54.080 Yeah

00:33:54.440 He's 10 years younger than me

00:33:55.740 All of these intellects

00:33:56.640 Are doing music

00:33:57.400 Like Ben Shapiro

00:33:58.360 Had like the number one rap

00:33:59.860 Yeah

00:34:00.180 Thing

00:34:00.900 With

00:34:01.320 Tom McDonald

00:34:02.480 Tom McDonald

00:34:03.560 Tom McDonald

00:34:04.200 You can rag on him

00:34:05.320 But he's our friend

00:34:05.860 He's amazing

00:34:06.480 We love him

00:34:07.640 He's amazing

00:34:08.400 By the way

00:34:08.780 This episode is brought to you

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00:34:10.820 Protect your online data

00:34:12.000 For 15% off

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00:34:13.860 Roseanne is a fat bitch

00:34:14.940 For 10% off

00:34:15.960 That's a good Shapiro

00:34:16.820 He was not

00:34:19.500 Anybody who ever

00:34:21.820 Who defended me

00:34:23.260 When they came after my Jewel

00:34:24.940 He did a little

00:34:26.220 After

00:34:27.200 He did a little bit

00:34:28.620 He's like well they're right

00:34:29.520 They can

00:34:29.960 You know

00:34:30.640 Oh my god

00:34:31.900 I lived through a

00:34:32.760 Witch burning

00:34:34.140 We all did

00:34:35.220 But yours was way worse

00:34:36.360 But no Shapiro

00:34:37.000 Maybe he sent you a

00:34:37.780 Helium Sleep Mattress

00:34:38.640 This episode is brought to you

00:34:39.460 By Helium Mattress

00:34:40.200 Use code

00:34:40.760 Roseanne is a

00:34:41.680 Really

00:34:42.040 Really

00:34:42.560 Offensive

00:34:44.020 Really fat

00:34:45.740 Really fat pig

00:34:46.520 Did they do the

00:34:48.120 Big of a pig

00:34:49.060 Did him and Candice

00:34:49.960 Do their debate

00:34:50.580 I missed it

00:34:51.140 We were trying

00:34:51.520 I don't know

00:34:52.120 I stay out of all of it

00:34:53.340 Because

00:34:53.800 It's just too boring

00:34:55.480 It's like you can tell

00:34:56.920 It's wrestling

00:34:57.600 It takes me out of my

00:34:57.840 It takes me out of

00:34:58.960 Like being creative

00:35:00.660 When I get involved

00:35:01.340 What do you think

00:35:02.000 Is the most important thing

00:35:03.220 We should

00:35:03.700 Talk about

00:35:05.120 In

00:35:06.020 In

00:35:06.520 What

00:35:07.040 Between me and you

00:35:08.460 It's right here

00:35:09.180 Oh I feel like we're

00:35:10.180 Flowing pretty well

00:35:11.020 Babe

00:35:11.280 Oh alright

00:35:12.180 Let's talk

00:35:13.400 Let's talk about

00:35:14.560 First amendment

00:35:15.760 Let's talk about

00:35:16.740 Yeah let's talk about

00:35:17.740 Well I feel

00:35:18.520 Back to

00:35:19.380 The gossip

00:35:21.440 And I have like a

00:35:22.600 No gossip rule

00:35:23.640 Which is why I don't

00:35:24.600 Hang out with most

00:35:25.520 Comedians

00:35:25.920 They don't like me

00:35:26.700 Because I won't go there

00:35:27.900 Because you won't gossip

00:35:28.880 I won't gossip

00:35:29.720 And at the comedy clubs

00:35:31.160 I'm there to work

00:35:32.360 That means you don't know

00:35:32.820 Any gossip

00:35:33.620 I'm there to work

00:35:34.720 Well also

00:35:35.620 And then if people

00:35:36.460 Gossip about you

00:35:37.520 You go

00:35:38.160 Well at least

00:35:39.360 I didn't do it back

00:35:40.460 So you can

00:35:40.940 It helps you get through it

00:35:42.080 That's right

00:35:42.560 Because during the

00:35:43.120 Cancellation

00:35:43.640 My cancellation

00:35:44.400 Was like

00:35:45.280 The opposite of yours

00:35:46.840 You were a

00:35:47.880 World famous person

00:35:49.480 And they cut me off

00:35:50.920 At the knees

00:35:51.280 Before I got

00:35:52.260 To get

00:35:52.700 I was on my way

00:35:53.860 Yeah

00:35:54.080 So

00:35:55.280 Well what caused

00:35:56.480 You getting cut off

00:35:57.820 Well

00:35:59.180 The woke ideology

00:36:01.720 Mind virus

00:36:02.700 Of this new

00:36:03.800 Racial division

00:36:04.660 Justified

00:36:05.680 Discrimination

00:36:07.100 And racism

00:36:07.820 Against certain groups

00:36:09.500 Which is growing

00:36:10.380 Which is why

00:36:11.180 I always

00:36:11.480 Yeah it sure is

00:36:11.920 When I saw

00:36:12.760 You know

00:36:13.220 When I'd see a white woman

00:36:14.320 Say something like

00:36:15.560 Oh white men this

00:36:16.820 I'd go

00:36:17.120 Don't be careful

00:36:18.060 Because they just

00:36:19.700 Blew through all the white men

00:36:21.040 And now it's white women

00:36:22.500 Yeah

00:36:23.320 And then that group

00:36:24.020 Is going to expand

00:36:24.920 And then it's not

00:36:25.680 Going to be just men

00:36:26.460 It's going to be gay men

00:36:27.460 And

00:36:27.860 That's right

00:36:28.520 I have gay friends

00:36:29.480 Who are bullied

00:36:30.420 From trans people

00:36:31.500 Because they're not

00:36:32.220 As oppressed

00:36:32.980 That's right

00:36:33.780 And it's all a game

00:36:34.560 Of oppression

00:36:35.140 It's very simple

00:36:36.060 It's Stalinism

00:36:37.220 Very simple

00:36:37.240 Is what it is

00:36:38.100 Right

00:36:38.500 Well it's like

00:36:39.300 A reverse strata

00:36:40.200 Like the more oppressed

00:36:41.200 You are

00:36:41.440 The higher up

00:36:41.960 On the chain you are

00:36:42.840 It's

00:36:43.280 It makes

00:36:44.500 And you can keep going

00:36:45.520 Yeah

00:36:45.780 It never stops

00:36:46.700 You can break

00:36:47.560 A group down

00:36:48.360 Infinitely

00:36:49.040 Yeah

00:36:49.440 Factioning people

00:36:50.380 To where they

00:36:51.120 All go against each other

00:36:52.900 The red tie thing

00:36:54.400 Is what it was

00:36:55.060 Somebody wrote something

00:36:56.080 Until they came

00:36:57.680 For the people

00:36:58.280 With the red ties

00:36:59.600 People who wore

00:37:00.980 The color red

00:37:02.080 Now they were the enemy

00:37:03.440 There always has to be

00:37:04.280 An enemy

00:37:04.720 And you always have to be

00:37:05.600 Pursuing and killing

00:37:07.340 When there's

00:37:08.020 When there's

00:37:08.660 Quite literally

00:37:09.320 On the government

00:37:10.420 Website of New York

00:37:12.140 There are

00:37:12.960 I believe last time

00:37:13.980 I checked

00:37:14.320 Something like

00:37:15.100 37 to 40 genders

00:37:16.720 Yeah

00:37:17.340 Legally listed

00:37:19.180 By law

00:37:20.560 By the state of New York

00:37:22.440 Yeah

00:37:22.820 So if you multiply

00:37:24.100 The amount of genders

00:37:24.940 By the amount of races

00:37:26.080 By the amount of

00:37:27.140 Made up

00:37:27.640 You know

00:37:29.620 Disabilities now

00:37:31.380 Yeah

00:37:31.560 People like to identify

00:37:32.600 As neurodivergent

00:37:33.760 It's just

00:37:36.380 It's like

00:37:36.960 It's about to get

00:37:38.480 It's way crazier

00:37:40.500 They want it

00:37:41.360 To collapse

00:37:42.140 It's like

00:37:43.940 Predesigned collapse

00:37:45.460 Is that your

00:37:46.400 Conspiracy theory

00:37:47.300 Because that's pretty

00:37:47.840 Fascinating

00:37:48.400 Yes of course

00:37:49.520 That's what

00:37:49.940 That's what

00:37:50.740 They do

00:37:51.420 All the time

00:37:52.100 That's Marx

00:37:52.900 Do you give them

00:37:53.600 Enough credit

00:37:54.320 For that type of

00:37:55.320 Thoughtfulness though

00:37:56.880 That's Marxism

00:37:58.100 I do

00:37:58.500 It's to overrun

00:38:00.320 The system

00:38:01.020 Till it collapses

00:38:02.240 From the inside

00:38:03.220 All you gotta do

00:38:03.820 Is poke at

00:38:04.380 A mentally ill person

00:38:05.620 I mean it's fun

00:38:06.440 It is that

00:38:07.320 So they're kind of like

00:38:08.160 They're doing it

00:38:08.980 To destroy us

00:38:10.260 And also

00:38:10.560 It's probably enjoyable

00:38:11.480 I'm not trying to be funny

00:38:12.520 But they always go too far

00:38:14.100 And it always backfires

00:38:15.280 On them historically

00:38:16.480 Right

00:38:17.140 Like them doing that

00:38:18.340 To Israel

00:38:19.120 Is kind of like

00:38:21.000 I'm like

00:38:21.480 Oh my god

00:38:22.780 What are they doing

00:38:23.500 Because

00:38:23.900 Well did you see

00:38:24.820 The death to America

00:38:25.780 Chants like

00:38:26.840 Today or yesterday

00:38:28.020 That's here right

00:38:28.860 In Michigan

00:38:29.340 It was in Michigan

00:38:29.980 You hear it around here

00:38:32.300 Even at the comedy clubs

00:38:34.020 You'll see people

00:38:34.800 At the comedy clubs

00:38:35.680 Chanting

00:38:36.160 Well just like

00:38:37.360 There's a very

00:38:38.620 Very awkwardness

00:38:41.040 When a Jew

00:38:42.060 Or Palestinian

00:38:42.820 Topic comes up

00:38:44.060 Yeah

00:38:44.320 And a lot of comics

00:38:45.600 Will go

00:38:46.100 I can't

00:38:46.660 I'm not going to go there

00:38:47.640 And I'm like

00:38:47.960 Well why not

00:38:49.020 Why not go there

00:38:49.980 It's the best time

00:38:51.180 Does the audience go

00:38:52.240 Because you know

00:38:53.200 They had something

00:38:53.860 On Saturday Night Live

00:38:55.140 Where a Palestinian comic

00:38:57.480 Was on there

00:38:58.280 Talking about

00:38:59.220 Free Palestine

00:39:00.360 And the largely Jewish audience

00:39:02.900 Begins like

00:39:04.120 Quietly applauding

00:39:06.680 I went on after him

00:39:07.740 He was testing his stuff

00:39:08.760 At the comedy cellar

00:39:09.660 And he said

00:39:10.640 Free Palestine

00:39:11.240 He got an applause break

00:39:12.160 And I'm like

00:39:12.580 And I

00:39:13.520 Again I said

00:39:14.380 I don't like the gossip

00:39:15.260 Because I honor anyone

00:39:17.380 That's successful

00:39:18.200 And it's gotten that far

00:39:19.500 But I went on after him

00:39:22.100 And I bombed on one of my jokes

00:39:23.620 And then I just yelled out

00:39:24.800 Free Palestine

00:39:25.540 Just to get a free applause break

00:39:27.260 And I thought

00:39:28.360 If you're getting free applause breaks

00:39:31.700 Yeah

00:39:32.140 For a

00:39:33.140 You know

00:39:33.600 A sentiment

00:39:34.820 And not a joke

00:39:35.720 It's a bad sign

00:39:37.000 That is a bad sign

00:39:37.980 That is a very bad sign

00:39:39.060 And not a comment on him

00:39:40.200 It's a bad sign

00:39:41.040 Just like culturally

00:39:42.080 Yes

00:39:42.720 You know

00:39:43.620 So

00:39:43.980 That's my new thing too

00:39:45.520 If I start bombing

00:39:46.400 You know

00:39:47.280 Because I just go in now

00:39:49.100 Because I have nothing to lose

00:39:50.420 Oh my god

00:39:51.240 Is it genius

00:39:51.960 And

00:39:52.340 So

00:39:53.540 If I really bomb

00:39:55.000 And I really go there

00:39:56.020 I'll go

00:39:56.460 I'll go

00:39:57.380 Oh no

00:39:57.780 I'll go

00:39:59.160 I'm so sorry

00:39:59.800 I made it weird

00:40:00.820 Let's do something

00:40:01.580 We could all

00:40:02.040 Bring all of us together

00:40:03.760 And I'll go

00:40:04.140 Give me 20 minutes

00:40:05.760 On Israel-Palestine

00:40:06.780 Let me

00:40:07.080 You know

00:40:07.420 Let me get in there

00:40:08.260 Oh it's such a weird place

00:40:12.740 It's such an inversion

00:40:13.580 But it's a great time

00:40:14.360 For comedy

00:40:14.920 It is a great time

00:40:16.280 For comedy

00:40:16.880 It's the best time

00:40:17.560 In a long time

00:40:18.400 Which is weird

00:40:18.480 Because

00:40:18.960 It used to be that

00:40:20.680 When

00:40:20.980 There was a

00:40:22.060 Republican administration

00:40:23.540 That was the best time

00:40:25.120 For comedy

00:40:25.620 Because you had something

00:40:26.480 To

00:40:26.820 Rebel against

00:40:28.720 And that

00:40:29.300 When it was

00:40:30.120 I mean

00:40:30.660 But I was

00:40:31.360 Like left wing then

00:40:32.660 And then when there was

00:40:34.160 Liberal

00:40:35.340 Like did you make fun

00:40:36.600 Of Obama at all

00:40:37.860 During his administration

00:40:39.360 That's where I got fired

00:40:40.660 Yeah

00:40:40.980 Not at first though

00:40:42.720 Sorry to bring it up

00:40:44.100 Yeah I always

00:40:44.340 No that's

00:40:45.680 Let's talk about

00:40:46.320 Israel-Palestine now

00:40:47.420 No yeah let's do it

00:40:48.240 Because that is Obama

00:40:49.340 That's what it was about

00:40:50.380 Obama's administration

00:40:51.320 Yeah

00:40:51.800 Yeah Obama

00:40:52.960 But it was again

00:40:54.300 You said something about him

00:40:55.320 Yeah

00:40:56.200 Yeah because I was first

00:40:58.440 Really pissed

00:40:59.380 I mean

00:40:59.860 I was so pissed off

00:41:01.620 When they

00:41:02.060 Nominated him

00:41:03.420 Over Hillary Clinton

00:41:04.440 I was all

00:41:05.740 Hillary Clinton

00:41:06.620 Feminist

00:41:07.260 You know

00:41:07.860 Back in the day

00:41:09.000 You know

00:41:09.440 It's terrible

00:41:10.040 I was like

00:41:10.420 They would take

00:41:11.260 A younger man

00:41:12.760 So was I

00:41:13.240 Over an experienced woman

00:41:15.440 How dare they

00:41:18.640 How very dare they

00:41:21.380 That's the first line

00:41:22.500 Of every date

00:41:23.140 I go on in Brooklyn

00:41:24.060 They sit down

00:41:25.920 And before I even

00:41:26.800 Introduce myself

00:41:27.780 There's a

00:41:29.240 A rant about the patriarchy

00:41:31.600 Yeah exactly

00:41:32.980 It works

00:41:33.000 Seal the deal baby

00:41:34.160 I was the same way

00:41:35.500 I was the same way

00:41:35.520 As you though

00:41:36.020 I think I cried

00:41:38.020 When Trump won

00:41:39.540 And not

00:41:40.380 It wasn't

00:41:40.920 I cried because

00:41:42.400 I was at the airport

00:41:43.060 In Chicago

00:41:43.660 And I remember

00:41:44.920 I was on a first

00:41:45.500 I was on a first date

00:41:46.460 This was during

00:41:46.980 The height of Tinder

00:41:47.820 When Tinder was a

00:41:48.940 Sex app

00:41:50.160 And I was not a guy

00:41:52.120 That got laid

00:41:52.760 As a young man

00:41:53.900 Right

00:41:54.280 Is that how you

00:41:54.940 Meet people

00:41:55.540 I was raised

00:41:56.260 By a gay guy

00:41:57.100 So I didn't really

00:41:58.080 Oh yeah

00:41:58.560 You're gay

00:41:59.060 You never even

00:41:59.800 Did your dad

00:42:00.860 Leave your family

00:42:01.820 When he came out

00:42:02.800 Yes

00:42:03.140 He moved out

00:42:04.180 Of the house

00:42:04.820 He moved out

00:42:05.420 Was he kicked out

00:42:06.040 Or he willfully

00:42:06.840 He left

00:42:07.300 To pursue a relationship

00:42:08.420 With a man

00:42:09.060 That's terrible

00:42:09.840 You know

00:42:10.340 Back then

00:42:11.440 Did he still see y'all

00:42:12.640 Yeah

00:42:13.700 And he's a fantastic father

00:42:15.400 But this is where

00:42:16.600 You go

00:42:17.220 You have to honor history

00:42:18.720 Because as fucked up

00:42:20.300 As it got me

00:42:21.060 It was brutal

00:42:22.260 I got bullied

00:42:23.080 I essentially was living

00:42:24.140 Like a closeted gay man

00:42:25.660 I was hiding him

00:42:26.760 From my friends

00:42:27.400 The things I came up with

00:42:28.940 Which I'll tell you

00:42:29.500 Are really funny now

00:42:30.360 When you think about it

00:42:31.120 But I can go back

00:42:32.420 And say

00:42:32.820 That was a different

00:42:33.980 Period of time

00:42:34.920 Yeah

00:42:35.240 He could not come out

00:42:36.980 In an Irish Catholic family

00:42:38.520 He would have been

00:42:39.320 He probably would have

00:42:40.040 Killed himself

00:42:40.580 Right

00:42:41.120 So you go

00:42:42.100 One of my favorite jokes

00:42:43.620 Is that if it wasn't

00:42:44.800 For homophobia

00:42:45.540 I wouldn't be alive

00:42:46.800 Yeah

00:42:47.840 No shit

00:42:48.500 That's a good job

00:42:49.100 So I have to

00:42:49.940 Delicately find a way

00:42:51.200 To honor homophobia

00:42:52.400 Even today

00:42:53.300 You know

00:42:53.820 That's like Melissa

00:42:55.260 Yeah

00:42:55.960 You know

00:42:56.560 My niece is a Gabie

00:42:58.260 Yeah

00:42:58.840 And her dad

00:43:00.260 My brother's gay

00:43:01.680 And so is my sister

00:43:02.620 But yeah

00:43:03.980 My brother

00:43:04.580 They call her a Gabie

00:43:07.260 Kids like her

00:43:08.720 That had two Ken dolls

00:43:10.280 I guess I'm a bit of a Gabie

00:43:10.920 Did you get the two Ken dolls

00:43:12.680 In the Barbie house?

00:43:14.980 Did you get that?

00:43:17.060 We

00:43:17.320 Did I get that?

00:43:18.700 No

00:43:19.100 I don't

00:43:19.440 I don't think

00:43:20.320 No

00:43:21.560 It was just

00:43:22.160 My dad was actually

00:43:24.060 Dating a man named Ken

00:43:25.840 That's true

00:43:27.680 Wow

00:43:28.060 Really?

00:43:28.600 And he looked like a

00:43:29.440 Kendall

00:43:29.880 Doll

00:43:30.260 Yeah

00:43:30.600 Was it?

00:43:31.620 And I wanted to fuck his daughter

00:43:32.840 Really bad

00:43:33.520 But that was the upside

00:43:35.120 Was he would date these hot guys

00:43:36.440 And they all had kids

00:43:37.520 And then we would like

00:43:38.520 Play and be like

00:43:39.620 So your dad's gay too

00:43:41.940 Huh?

00:43:43.340 So your dad's fucking my dad

00:43:45.040 Huh?

00:43:45.380 And I was like 10

00:43:46.300 I remember this girl

00:43:47.740 That's crazy

00:43:48.500 I remember being in her room

00:43:49.320 She had a ferret

00:43:49.960 And I'm just like

00:43:50.420 I want to fuck this girl

00:43:51.400 Because I was so

00:43:52.240 Messed up

00:43:53.620 Yeah

00:43:53.840 From taking care of my mom

00:43:55.580 Who was suicidal

00:43:56.880 She tried killing herself

00:43:58.100 Oh my god

00:43:58.880 And so

00:43:59.660 So anyways

00:44:01.640 How old were you?

00:44:03.340 Well it started at 7

00:44:04.840 So I became her spouse

00:44:06.460 Essentially at 7

00:44:07.340 Oh my god

00:44:08.520 But again

00:44:09.000 I can look back and go

00:44:10.600 My dad didn't have a choice

00:44:12.580 Yeah

00:44:13.060 It was like suicide

00:44:14.640 Or you know

00:44:15.600 I don't know

00:44:16.420 What you would do

00:44:17.400 In 1969 or whatever

00:44:19.920 Coming out as gay

00:44:21.940 Yeah

00:44:22.440 And one of his

00:44:24.840 I think another one

00:44:25.840 Of his siblings

00:44:26.300 Was closeted

00:44:27.000 I'm not even sure

00:44:27.920 That's out yet

00:44:28.540 But today

00:44:30.200 If anyone's watching

00:44:31.180 If any Fishers are watching

00:44:32.500 So I can look back

00:44:34.660 Well they say

00:44:35.260 If there's one in the family

00:44:36.580 There's most likely two

00:44:38.580 Yeah my brother's gay too

00:44:39.720 So I can look back

00:44:41.000 And say

00:44:41.400 I understand

00:44:42.520 And I can see

00:44:44.220 That my mom was suicidal

00:44:45.540 And have a lot of compassion

00:44:46.620 And she's

00:44:47.720 She's pretty much

00:44:49.560 Barely alive now

00:44:51.580 I found her

00:44:52.560 Trying to kill herself

00:44:53.420 Five years ago

00:44:54.180 Holy shit

00:44:55.080 Oh my god

00:44:55.820 So that ate away at her

00:44:56.700 With another slew of things

00:44:59.820 Right

00:45:00.160 And I can just look at it

00:45:01.720 And go

00:45:01.920 This is fucking tragic

00:45:03.200 How do you

00:45:03.900 Is that how you're getting

00:45:04.960 Your comedy

00:45:05.620 Is like

00:45:06.180 By living

00:45:07.020 Are you making that

00:45:08.540 Into your comedy

00:45:09.700 This tragedy

00:45:10.880 Yeah

00:45:11.300 I mean

00:45:11.500 This horror

00:45:12.260 For two years

00:45:13.240 I

00:45:13.500 You know

00:45:15.120 Good god

00:45:15.600 And this is what

00:45:16.260 Pisses me off

00:45:16.960 About this

00:45:17.500 This

00:45:18.040 This ideology

00:45:19.380 Bullshit

00:45:20.080 Everybody I know

00:45:22.120 Tells me I'm privileged

00:45:23.320 And I have it better

00:45:24.380 Because of my skin color

00:45:25.780 And this and that

00:45:26.580 Meanwhile

00:45:27.360 I'm going through this shit

00:45:28.920 Not as a victim

00:45:30.100 But going

00:45:30.680 I don't get to have both

00:45:32.500 I don't get to

00:45:33.340 Find my mom

00:45:34.080 Trying to kill herself

00:45:35.000 And have my dad

00:45:35.700 Go fuck some guy

00:45:36.680 And my brother

00:45:37.880 Cut me off

00:45:38.700 For misgendering

00:45:40.280 Someone on twitter

00:45:41.040 And I get

00:45:41.640 And I'm like

00:45:42.180 You don't get to do that

00:45:43.480 And then tell me

00:45:44.140 I have everything

00:45:44.820 Take a pick

00:45:45.680 I don't care

00:45:46.280 Tell me I'm privileged

00:45:47.600 And give me the job

00:45:48.700 That I deserved

00:45:49.520 Or leave me the fuck alone

00:45:51.320 For going through

00:45:52.680 What everybody goes through

00:45:54.440 Well the whole thing

00:45:55.380 Is to punish talent

00:45:56.800 Have you noticed that

00:45:58.660 That's what I think

00:45:59.460 It's to destroy talent

00:46:02.060 Because talent

00:46:03.240 And thinkers

00:46:03.980 Are the kryptonite

00:46:06.280 Of communism

00:46:07.720 You know

00:46:08.740 Where they get

00:46:09.560 They get rid of

00:46:10.500 They don't like art

00:46:11.880 Sure

00:46:12.240 They don't like outspoken

00:46:13.780 They don't like thinkers

00:46:14.300 But you don't think

00:46:14.740 It's broken down

00:46:15.580 More specifically

00:46:16.480 By ideological

00:46:18.580 Yeah

00:46:19.380 Categories

00:46:19.980 It will come for them though

00:46:21.660 Yeah

00:46:21.980 But it's all that

00:46:23.380 It's

00:46:23.720 They don't like dissent

00:46:25.440 No dissent

00:46:27.200 You know

00:46:27.500 What's a great example

00:46:28.200 Of that

00:46:28.540 Is for a while

00:46:29.780 During BLM

00:46:30.480 It's like

00:46:30.820 Well you can't challenge

00:46:31.920 Anybody

00:46:32.460 Who's a person of color

00:46:33.420 You can't do it

00:46:34.240 Right

00:46:34.480 And I had people

00:46:35.500 Come up to me

00:46:36.220 At some of the best

00:46:37.780 Comedy clubs in the world

00:46:38.860 Comics

00:46:39.560 And they would say

00:46:40.400 You can't tell that joke

00:46:42.060 Oh yeah

00:46:43.380 Oh yeah

00:46:43.960 Happened the other night

00:46:44.840 Happened the other night

00:46:45.740 And

00:46:46.080 But Dave Chappelle

00:46:47.700 A black man

00:46:49.520 Got

00:46:50.160 Ripped apart

00:46:52.020 For telling a joke

00:46:53.120 About trans people

00:46:53.980 So that was the evidence

00:46:55.580 Of oh it doesn't matter

00:46:56.800 You can't touch

00:46:58.600 The landmines

00:46:59.520 Of these new

00:47:00.500 Unwritten

00:47:01.100 And they're all unwritten

00:47:02.000 I always think about

00:47:02.740 George Carlin

00:47:03.480 Who

00:47:03.820 Who you know

00:47:05.020 Went to court

00:47:05.740 To find out

00:47:07.000 The seven

00:47:07.300 Yeah

00:47:07.820 The seven words

00:47:08.860 You can't say

00:47:09.660 Shit piss

00:47:09.900 Cunt fuck

00:47:10.460 Cocksucker

00:47:11.000 Motherfucker

00:47:11.480 And tits

00:47:11.920 Right

00:47:12.420 And now it's like

00:47:13.620 There's 700 topics

00:47:14.960 That all have

00:47:16.040 700 subcategories

00:47:17.920 Yeah

00:47:18.420 You can't stand

00:47:19.360 On top of it

00:47:19.980 Yeah

00:47:20.360 So you're in a landmine

00:47:21.040 Well that's what

00:47:21.700 They count on

00:47:22.440 That you never really

00:47:23.320 Know exactly

00:47:24.280 What the rules are

00:47:26.260 Right

00:47:26.520 You know

00:47:26.940 They keep moving

00:47:28.000 The goalposts

00:47:28.980 Over and over

00:47:29.480 But that's what

00:47:30.480 Lawfare is

00:47:31.340 What do you think

00:47:31.760 The most important way

00:47:33.080 As an artist is

00:47:34.160 To combat that

00:47:35.560 Well I think

00:47:37.580 For us

00:47:38.400 Is

00:47:39.280 To just

00:47:40.580 Be funnier

00:47:41.600 Than any of them

00:47:42.920 Well the

00:47:45.700 U.S. government

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00:47:47.420 They are now

00:47:48.120 Doing gain-of-function

00:47:48.940 Research with China

00:47:49.940 To make bird flu

00:47:50.840 More deadly

00:47:51.340 And who knows

00:47:51.880 What else they're doing

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00:49:58.040 Alright Ma

00:50:00.360 You know we talk about

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00:50:10.260 It's predatory

00:50:11.180 A lot of Americans

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00:50:24.820 Me and your dad

00:50:25.800 When you were little

00:50:26.560 We were in debt too

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00:51:12.860 That's

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00:51:15.760 DoneWithDebt.com

00:51:18.060 And that's why

00:51:20.340 They try to

00:51:21.020 Shut down funny

00:51:22.100 Because

00:51:22.820 Funny makes fun of them

00:51:24.600 Because they're idiots

00:51:25.580 And arrogant

00:51:26.160 They love their arrogance

00:51:28.360 So much

00:51:28.980 And they just

00:51:29.480 Really really want

00:51:30.300 To protect their arrogance

00:51:31.500 And

00:51:32.600 Arrogance doesn't do well

00:51:34.480 In you know

00:51:35.500 Especially middle America

00:51:36.940 Which I'm learning

00:51:37.780 And as I tour

00:51:38.940 And you really get to see

00:51:40.300 What an average American is

00:51:42.760 Which I would say

00:51:43.660 Is us

00:51:44.460 Essentially

00:51:45.080 If we weren't in

00:51:46.320 The Plaza Hotel maybe

00:51:47.420 Right

00:51:48.100 If we were across the street

00:51:49.300 But

00:51:49.640 But

00:51:49.920 Well we talk to

00:51:51.720 A lot of average Americans

00:51:52.600 Americans

00:51:53.160 You have to just be

00:51:54.800 Real and

00:51:55.980 And funny

00:51:56.720 Well you gotta say

00:51:58.480 Something that makes

00:51:59.320 People laugh

00:52:00.100 You can't

00:52:01.220 You can't

00:52:01.900 But here's what they do

00:52:03.100 They don't say shit

00:52:03.980 That makes people laugh

00:52:05.180 They

00:52:05.900 They say shit

00:52:06.880 That makes people

00:52:07.760 Go like this

00:52:08.480 That's what they do

00:52:12.200 Like

00:52:12.880 Like

00:52:13.360 Yeah

00:52:14.080 This is like a show

00:52:14.960 In Brooklyn now

00:52:15.720 Is everyone just

00:52:16.540 Yeah clapping

00:52:17.900 They can't laugh

00:52:18.940 They

00:52:19.200 They can never

00:52:20.260 Give over control

00:52:22.240 When you know

00:52:23.120 When you laugh

00:52:23.860 And you take that breath

00:52:25.500 And you lose control

00:52:26.980 To joy

00:52:28.000 And ecstatic

00:52:29.520 Hilarity

00:52:30.840 Of like

00:52:32.180 Going to the next level

00:52:33.300 Of losing control

00:52:34.740 You can't control it

00:52:35.860 No

00:52:36.280 Right

00:52:36.720 And you're like

00:52:37.360 Can't even get your breath

00:52:38.580 Oh my god

00:52:39.560 They hate any kind

00:52:40.520 Of loss of control

00:52:41.500 Because they're just

00:52:42.540 All about control

00:52:43.640 Because their sphincter

00:52:45.280 Must be

00:52:46.300 They gotta constrict

00:52:48.340 That strength

00:52:49.140 But if it's a really

00:52:49.960 Good joke

00:52:50.660 They'll actually let it

00:52:51.820 They'll let it out

00:52:52.700 And then they'll catch

00:52:53.480 The Lizzo joke

00:52:54.280 I just posted

00:52:54.940 You can actually see

00:52:56.100 The explosion of laughter

00:52:58.080 And then the realization

00:52:59.720 That

00:53:00.260 Is this allowed

00:53:01.300 And then it turned into

00:53:02.680 Me getting booed

00:53:03.820 By half the crowd

00:53:05.280 Right

00:53:05.680 And then I double down

00:53:07.080 On the joke

00:53:07.560 And then they release again

00:53:08.860 It's

00:53:09.300 That's fun to me though

00:53:11.020 Yeah

00:53:11.360 I love that you went there

00:53:13.060 Because it is

00:53:14.160 It's all fucking

00:53:15.400 With a

00:53:16.300 Pattern of

00:53:17.080 Energy

00:53:18.560 Isn't it

00:53:19.200 It's all like

00:53:20.000 Fucking with

00:53:20.800 Psychic energy

00:53:22.140 And

00:53:22.420 You can't

00:53:22.880 I think

00:53:23.260 You have to

00:53:24.260 You have to start

00:53:26.280 With the fact that

00:53:26.980 In comedy

00:53:27.880 There's no rules

00:53:28.800 You're surfing that

00:53:30.000 Psychic energy

00:53:31.000 In the room

00:53:31.620 Right

00:53:31.960 But you have to start

00:53:33.220 With there are

00:53:34.100 No rules here

00:53:35.000 Yeah there are no rules

00:53:35.760 And it's another reason

00:53:37.260 I don't talk to comedians

00:53:38.440 Because a lot of them

00:53:39.400 Will say

00:53:40.280 Well that topic

00:53:41.960 Well I can see how that

00:53:43.260 A couple nights ago

00:53:44.560 I was about to go on

00:53:45.520 And a comedian said

00:53:46.500 Just to let you know

00:53:47.480 The last comic

00:53:48.360 Did some race stuff

00:53:50.340 Race stuff

00:53:51.480 People didn't like it

00:53:52.460 Did they say race stuff

00:53:54.020 Or racist stuff

00:53:55.800 Race

00:53:56.180 Like race stuff

00:53:57.880 They didn't like it

00:53:59.280 So I would just

00:54:00.280 Maybe avoid that

00:54:01.540 Because he knew

00:54:02.120 You had some race jokes

00:54:04.000 Well he probably

00:54:05.160 Knows that I

00:54:06.220 I cover the whole

00:54:07.660 Thing

00:54:08.360 And I don't plan

00:54:08.920 My sets usually

00:54:09.700 Right

00:54:10.080 But because he said that

00:54:11.420 I was like

00:54:12.460 I'm gonna do all race jokes

00:54:13.040 Not only am I gonna do

00:54:14.420 The last

00:54:14.880 All race jokes

00:54:16.180 Put blackface on

00:54:17.280 I

00:54:17.860 That

00:54:18.380 That fires me up so much

00:54:20.120 Yeah

00:54:20.340 You know

00:54:20.900 Because I grew up

00:54:21.540 Being bullied

00:54:22.080 That's how we are

00:54:22.360 And so it's like

00:54:23.040 Yeah

00:54:23.360 If you're bullied

00:54:24.460 You're not gonna tell me

00:54:25.100 What not to do

00:54:25.980 Motherfucker

00:54:26.760 I'm a comic

00:54:27.640 You get bullied

00:54:28.540 You go home

00:54:29.280 And you think

00:54:29.800 How can I get back

00:54:31.140 At the bully

00:54:31.660 I mean like

00:54:32.360 Right

00:54:32.820 Yeah

00:54:33.360 So I went

00:54:34.580 I quadrupled down

00:54:37.360 And I did

00:54:38.420 Instead of the one Lizzo joke

00:54:40.420 I did the Lizzo joke

00:54:41.580 The whole set

00:54:42.800 And I've never done that

00:54:44.860 That's so great

00:54:45.100 That's so awesome

00:54:45.920 And I

00:54:46.440 As I'm talking

00:54:47.280 I'm coming up

00:54:47.900 I'm coming up to ways

00:54:49.780 To slip in that fat

00:54:50.880 Fucking every joke

00:54:52.220 Including ones

00:54:53.980 I didn't even know I could

00:54:55.240 Really

00:54:55.840 And then the last one

00:54:56.980 That just came into your head

00:54:58.440 Like you were channeling

00:54:59.420 From the Lord

00:55:00.180 Yeah

00:55:00.520 And that just came

00:55:01.460 From the guy

00:55:01.920 Telling me I can't do it

00:55:02.960 And I'm going

00:55:03.460 I'm at the fucking comedy cellar

00:55:05.040 Yeah

00:55:05.280 I'm at the goddamn comedy cellar

00:55:06.640 Where Robin Williams

00:55:07.420 Is looking at me

00:55:08.200 Every time before I go on stage

00:55:09.660 Going

00:55:09.820 Oh shit

00:55:10.420 Well you can't say that

00:55:11.120 You know

00:55:12.140 And so

00:55:13.500 I went on

00:55:14.220 And I did it

00:55:15.580 And it was the best set

00:55:17.560 I've ever had in my life

00:55:18.360 Great

00:55:18.920 In 20 years

00:55:20.540 And I taped it

00:55:21.700 Fucking cool man

00:55:23.000 Yeah

00:55:23.200 And I went home

00:55:24.360 And I edited the thing

00:55:25.420 Until 4am

00:55:26.280 All fueled by that

00:55:28.460 One fucking guy

00:55:29.380 You know

00:55:29.740 He's a nice guy

00:55:30.280 I don't wanna

00:55:30.560 But

00:55:31.920 Isn't that so fucking awesome

00:55:33.840 But

00:55:34.700 When you hit

00:55:35.600 And when you have

00:55:36.260 Your good set

00:55:37.180 When it goes from

00:55:39.540 Just a

00:55:42.580 Great set

00:55:43.780 Into

00:55:44.400 Pure art

00:55:46.800 How long

00:55:47.780 Does it take you

00:55:48.400 It's such a great feeling

00:55:49.460 To

00:55:49.820 Like

00:55:50.860 If you have an idea

00:55:52.140 Do you just go

00:55:53.840 I wanna go do it

00:55:54.680 Right away

00:55:55.280 Do you

00:55:56.860 Test it out online

00:55:58.160 I don't know how much you

00:55:59.260 You're not on Twitter anymore

00:56:00.860 Are you

00:56:01.920 I'm on my

00:56:03.260 Limited

00:56:03.780 Little

00:56:04.500 She is

00:56:04.760 I'm on my

00:56:05.760 What do you call them

00:56:07.320 Fake accounts

00:56:08.840 Puppet

00:56:09.300 Your puppet account

00:56:10.420 Oh okay

00:56:10.940 My puppet accounts

00:56:11.780 So nobody can find me

00:56:13.460 You know

00:56:13.760 But they do find me

00:56:15.240 And then I get

00:56:15.940 Evicted

00:56:17.960 Evicted

00:56:18.400 And then I have to get

00:56:19.540 So you're doing

00:56:20.160 How often are you

00:56:21.140 Performing live

00:56:22.360 These days

00:56:23.220 It's been a while

00:56:24.520 I haven't performed live

00:56:26.360 For a while

00:56:27.200 Do you want to

00:56:28.000 Sometimes I do

00:56:30.020 And then

00:56:30.420 Like

00:56:30.880 I

00:56:31.380 I

00:56:32.180 Went on stage

00:56:33.800 At Joe Rogan's club

00:56:35.340 You know

00:56:35.700 The mothership

00:56:36.460 And I

00:56:37.760 Didn't do well

00:56:39.860 Yeah you haven't

00:56:40.580 Because I was too high

00:56:42.220 I made a terrible

00:56:44.200 Mistake of

00:56:45.040 Drinking too much

00:56:46.880 And smoking too much

00:56:48.060 Marijuana

00:56:48.700 Up with other

00:56:50.160 Comedians

00:56:50.940 Which

00:56:51.360 You're smart

00:56:52.640 To not have

00:56:53.240 Comedian friends

00:56:54.140 Because they're

00:56:55.340 Always getting you

00:56:56.420 To smoke pot

00:56:57.500 To fuck you up

00:56:58.500 Here's another

00:56:59.320 Upside

00:56:59.820 I'm allergic to smoke

00:57:00.720 Because I started smoking

00:57:02.400 When I was 10

00:57:03.160 And I ruined my lungs

00:57:05.260 And so I can't be around

00:57:06.680 Cigarette smoke

00:57:07.420 So I can't

00:57:08.640 Hang at the mothership

00:57:09.820 And I love the mothership

00:57:11.060 And I'm moving to Austin

00:57:12.620 Or getting a place there

00:57:14.360 You know

00:57:15.800 To also be closer

00:57:16.960 To that club

00:57:17.880 And to you guys

00:57:19.340 Yeah

00:57:19.600 Because you go in there

00:57:21.460 And nobody says

00:57:22.640 You can't say this

00:57:23.520 You can't say that

00:57:24.460 Right

00:57:24.700 No it's great

00:57:25.280 That's the good part

00:57:26.200 That whole town

00:57:27.260 Is like that

00:57:28.020 Which is

00:57:28.640 What's great

00:57:29.420 It feels like

00:57:29.940 Freedom of speech

00:57:30.780 It feels like

00:57:32.000 It does

00:57:32.440 It does

00:57:33.260 What a gift he's given

00:57:34.500 But I became too drunk

00:57:36.120 And I was on stage

00:57:37.260 You know

00:57:37.600 And I knew I shouldn't

00:57:38.680 Have went on stage

00:57:39.620 Well

00:57:39.820 Because it was

00:57:40.820 It was Shabbat

00:57:42.240 Huh

00:57:42.500 Pull the microphone

00:57:43.240 A little closer

00:57:43.740 No I knew I shouldn't

00:57:44.820 Went on stage

00:57:45.560 Because it was Shabbat

00:57:47.180 And

00:57:47.500 You had a bad set

00:57:49.760 Yeah go back out there

00:57:50.540 So I went on

00:57:51.340 But

00:57:51.720 Yeah

00:57:53.660 And then I was like

00:57:55.840 Oh

00:57:56.160 She thinks she's banned

00:57:57.140 She does this thing

00:57:58.020 And I think people

00:57:58.960 Don't like me

00:57:59.820 Have you seen

00:58:00.620 Brian Holtzman

00:58:01.260 Yeah

00:58:02.280 Yeah my grandson

00:58:03.520 Opened for him

00:58:04.720 My grandson's

00:58:05.620 Doing stand up

00:58:06.560 Oh my god

00:58:07.060 Yeah

00:58:07.440 But my point is

00:58:08.760 Brian Holtzman

00:58:10.960 Says whatever he wants

00:58:12.300 Yeah

00:58:12.760 And it's hilarious

00:58:13.640 And

00:58:14.200 And he'll

00:58:15.520 Ebb and flow

00:58:16.560 For an hour

00:58:17.560 And that's so cool

00:58:19.360 To watch

00:58:19.860 No she killed

00:58:20.940 At the mothership

00:58:21.700 She did it probably

00:58:22.380 Ten times

00:58:22.860 Killed nine

00:58:23.520 The last one

00:58:24.120 She got too high

00:58:24.680 And she hasn't

00:58:25.680 Gone back

00:58:26.340 And it's just like

00:58:27.160 We have to

00:58:27.680 I know because

00:58:28.000 I was humiliated

00:58:29.220 She's very ashamed

00:58:30.100 Of it

00:58:30.760 I

00:58:31.360 I just felt like

00:58:32.560 I let everybody down

00:58:33.760 You know

00:58:34.140 Have you

00:58:34.580 You felt that

00:58:35.600 As a comic ever

00:58:37.340 That you feel like

00:58:38.640 You let everyone down

00:58:39.840 I don't think so

00:58:40.160 Yeah probably when

00:58:40.880 I found my mom

00:58:41.600 Trying to kill herself

00:58:42.920 She didn't like

00:58:45.000 The Lizzo material

00:58:46.100 Oh my god

00:58:47.660 You poor thing

00:58:49.260 How can you even

00:58:51.100 Fucking live a day

00:58:52.200 On this fucking

00:58:53.380 God forsaken

00:58:54.260 Planet

00:58:55.280 After you've experienced

00:58:56.900 That

00:58:57.260 Sort of horrible

00:58:58.620 Pain

00:58:59.280 And betrayal

00:58:59.980 I couldn't even look

00:59:01.280 At water

00:59:01.920 For two years

00:59:02.620 She tried to kill

00:59:03.500 Herself in a tub

00:59:04.120 No I found her

00:59:05.040 Trying to drown

00:59:05.680 Herself in a lake

00:59:06.320 Oh my god

00:59:07.440 Oh my god

00:59:08.180 How did you find her

00:59:09.540 So

00:59:10.700 She wrote us

00:59:12.540 She

00:59:12.860 Was suicidal

00:59:14.020 And we found out

00:59:15.540 Somehow

00:59:15.940 Through a note

00:59:16.640 Or whatever

00:59:17.080 And so I got the call

00:59:18.580 I'm at the beach

00:59:19.240 In Brooklyn

00:59:19.780 You know

00:59:21.360 Probably being

00:59:21.900 Pissed on by a homeless

00:59:22.920 Guy or something

00:59:23.580 And

00:59:25.460 I'm not emotional

00:59:27.080 I'm just choking

00:59:27.560 And I'm struggling

00:59:27.980 Oh good

00:59:28.780 Well it's better

00:59:29.980 For the podcast

00:59:30.520 If you do good

00:59:31.120 If you cry

00:59:31.900 Licking of that

00:59:32.540 We need it

00:59:33.960 For the ratings

00:59:34.500 And so

00:59:35.320 Yeah

00:59:37.080 I went home

00:59:38.360 And

00:59:38.920 You know

00:59:40.380 The hospital

00:59:42.380 Was like

00:59:42.720 She can't

00:59:43.260 Keep her on lockdown

00:59:44.620 That's like a real

00:59:45.600 Official lockdown

00:59:46.640 You know

00:59:47.040 Pandemic

00:59:48.040 Not the fake

00:59:48.640 Pandemic bullshit

00:59:49.440 And

00:59:51.280 I got a text

00:59:52.240 That she stole

00:59:52.940 A car

00:59:53.940 And I was like

00:59:55.120 Okay I know

00:59:55.640 She's going to

00:59:56.460 Do it

00:59:57.080 And I was at

00:59:58.400 A fork in the road

00:59:59.300 And I remember

01:00:00.660 I was like

01:00:01.280 Alright she's either

01:00:01.940 At the beach

01:00:02.900 Or this lake

01:00:04.060 And I just

01:00:05.660 Guessed

01:00:06.580 I just guessed

01:00:07.420 Oh my god

01:00:07.700 Yeah yeah

01:00:08.100 And I drove up

01:00:09.420 And I saw

01:00:10.400 Her car

01:00:11.140 And I didn't see her

01:00:12.300 In the water

01:00:12.780 So I assumed

01:00:13.380 She was

01:00:13.780 Was dead

01:00:14.840 Oh my god

01:00:15.640 And then I saw

01:00:16.320 Her like

01:00:16.900 Up to here

01:00:18.140 Oh my god

01:00:19.540 Yeah

01:00:19.860 Never forget it

01:00:21.240 That's horrible

01:00:21.800 Of course

01:00:22.120 I'll never forget it

01:00:23.040 What'd you do

01:00:23.600 Jump in

01:00:24.260 I jumped in

01:00:25.140 There's pills

01:00:25.620 Lined up on the

01:00:26.580 Mom you don't mind

01:00:28.180 I'm talking about this

01:00:29.000 Right

01:00:29.300 Are you watching this

01:00:31.240 Oh mom

01:00:32.160 We're gonna pray for you

01:00:32.740 Did you take your medicine

01:00:34.240 No we're gonna pray

01:00:35.520 For your mom

01:00:35.920 Of course I pray for her

01:00:36.920 I'll pray for her too

01:00:38.000 Of course I pray for her

01:00:38.600 You know what's worse

01:00:39.160 What's her name

01:00:39.720 Is when your mom

01:00:40.380 Doesn't try and kill herself

01:00:41.400 Sharon I'm gonna pray

01:00:42.440 I'm kidding

01:00:42.640 It's Roseanne

01:00:43.320 My cousin name was Sharon

01:00:46.640 So I'm gonna pray for Sharon

01:00:48.640 But I did heal from it

01:00:50.060 With what's called

01:00:51.120 EMDR

01:00:52.140 What's that

01:00:53.220 EMDR

01:00:54.520 I discovered in a book

01:00:55.920 Called The Body Keeps the Score

01:00:58.560 Fantastic book

01:00:59.640 I've heard of that

01:01:00.300 Electromagnetic

01:01:01.040 Read it

01:01:01.380 It's amazing

01:01:01.840 It's a

01:01:03.360 It recreates

01:01:04.820 Trauma

01:01:06.020 REM sleep

01:01:06.680 Where you're flipping

01:01:08.580 Back and forth

01:01:09.300 Between the left and right brain

01:01:10.600 A rapid eye movement

01:01:11.520 So when you're asleep

01:01:12.580 REM yeah

01:01:13.160 Your eyes are moving rapidly

01:01:14.340 Right

01:01:14.680 And so you recreate that

01:01:16.960 With a therapist

01:01:17.900 You have pulsating knobs

01:01:19.160 That pulsate left and right

01:01:20.220 You have

01:01:21.160 Is this Scientology

01:01:22.100 Beeping

01:01:22.500 No

01:01:22.880 This is how a lot of

01:01:24.560 Veterans

01:01:26.080 Yeah

01:01:26.880 Heal PTSD

01:01:27.840 Yeah they do PTSD

01:01:29.520 So you actually go back

01:01:31.120 And you're

01:01:31.940 You kind of are in

01:01:33.180 REM sleep

01:01:33.820 Right

01:01:34.100 So it's a bit of hypnosis

01:01:35.140 And then

01:01:35.820 You talk out

01:01:37.720 The experience

01:01:38.920 Whatever the trauma is

01:01:40.200 It could be as little as

01:01:41.540 You know

01:01:42.440 I shit myself in fourth grade

01:01:44.020 And everyone laughed at me

01:01:45.140 Right

01:01:45.540 You go back

01:01:46.480 And by golly

01:01:48.140 You are back in that moment

01:01:49.620 Wow

01:01:50.000 Oh yeah

01:01:50.500 And I'm sobbing

01:01:51.940 And you're there

01:01:52.760 You're there

01:01:53.680 And then you have

01:01:55.480 You know

01:01:55.760 You work for

01:01:57.020 A couple weeks

01:01:58.020 To find ways

01:02:00.620 To kind of

01:02:01.700 Like disconnect from it

01:02:02.780 You have words

01:02:03.420 Whatever

01:02:03.840 Like if you have

01:02:05.020 A good therapist

01:02:05.680 They'll slow you down

01:02:06.760 They're watching you

01:02:08.100 Right

01:02:08.400 And they'll take you

01:02:09.660 Out of it

01:02:10.060 If you need to

01:02:10.700 So he's watching you

01:02:12.620 And he'll ask you

01:02:13.740 Do you want to keep going

01:02:14.620 What are you seeing

01:02:15.420 And you

01:02:16.400 You re-groove

01:02:17.340 Your neural pathways

01:02:18.980 Yeah

01:02:19.340 New neural pathways

01:02:20.640 Rewrite the ending

01:02:21.900 That's right

01:02:22.740 So I quite literally

01:02:23.760 Rewrote the ending

01:02:24.680 Where instead of

01:02:25.700 Jumping in the water

01:02:26.680 And crying

01:02:27.960 And trying to save her

01:02:29.220 Which I've been trying

01:02:29.960 To do my whole life

01:02:30.800 And I brought her

01:02:31.900 To the hospital

01:02:32.440 I would get in bed

01:02:33.480 With her

01:02:34.020 Watch Seinfeld

01:02:35.200 I was like

01:02:35.900 Doing all the shit

01:02:37.120 I did as a kid

01:02:38.320 Instead

01:02:39.040 You were being her dad

01:02:40.540 There was a limo there

01:02:41.820 And I sent her

01:02:44.340 In the ambulance

01:02:45.180 I got in the limo

01:02:46.100 They're just smoking hot babe

01:02:47.360 Looks a little bit

01:02:47.880 Like your wife actually

01:02:48.680 And my daughter

01:02:50.620 In the limo

01:02:51.780 Yeah

01:02:52.140 And instead

01:02:53.220 I took the limo

01:02:54.420 Back to New York

01:02:55.460 And went and did a show

01:02:56.940 That's great

01:02:57.860 And that was me going

01:02:58.800 You have to take care

01:02:59.900 Of yourself

01:03:00.380 Yes

01:03:00.820 You gotta live

01:03:01.560 It saved my life

01:03:02.580 That saved my life

01:03:04.160 I'm gonna try that

01:03:04.840 With this podcast

01:03:05.300 Amazing

01:03:05.700 No one

01:03:08.720 No one heard my joke

01:03:11.340 I did

01:03:12.060 Did you hear the

01:03:13.040 You know what's worse

01:03:13.920 Which one

01:03:14.740 Sorry

01:03:15.100 I usually don't want credit

01:03:16.300 I said you know

01:03:16.940 What's worse than your mom

01:03:17.660 Trying to kill herself

01:03:18.360 Is when she does it

01:03:19.860 Nobody laughed

01:03:22.340 God you're so lucky

01:03:24.320 Your EMDR is just

01:03:27.060 You in a room with your mom

01:03:28.060 She goes

01:03:28.360 Do you want to do the podcast

01:03:29.180 She goes

01:03:29.660 No

01:03:30.200 Yeah

01:03:30.860 Do it yourself

01:03:32.200 No

01:03:32.700 No

01:03:33.080 Talk about how

01:03:34.280 When people ask me

01:03:35.280 To be on their shows

01:03:36.200 What you tell them

01:03:37.120 Well I got it from Hannah

01:03:38.020 My wife

01:03:38.500 Because people are like

01:03:39.360 Like Gutfeld even

01:03:40.400 Like you want to do Gutfeld

01:03:41.400 And it's like

01:03:42.140 Hannah told me this line

01:03:43.480 She's like

01:03:43.880 Look

01:03:44.180 We have enough problems

01:03:46.300 Getting Roseanne

01:03:47.700 To do her own podcast

01:03:48.880 She's not gonna do the show

01:03:50.160 And it's true

01:03:50.880 Sometimes we have

01:03:51.620 Look at this

01:03:52.120 I had to give her

01:03:52.840 A fucking pill

01:03:53.380 No but

01:03:54.600 Could I ask you guys

01:03:55.600 A question

01:03:55.880 I don't want to put on makeup

01:03:57.280 Can I ask you both

01:03:58.320 A question as comics

01:03:59.380 You don't wear makeup

01:04:00.140 I am

01:04:02.060 It took me an hour

01:04:03.340 And a fucking half

01:04:04.260 To do my hair

01:04:05.120 And my makeup

01:04:05.880 When I saw your hair

01:04:06.840 First on Instagram

01:04:07.680 This hair

01:04:09.320 Or another hair

01:04:10.160 Yeah but you honestly

01:04:10.820 Like you look

01:04:12.060 Ten years younger

01:04:12.800 With this hair

01:04:13.900 Yes

01:04:14.220 She hates this hair

01:04:15.700 I told you

01:04:16.560 She hates it

01:04:17.100 Because I get to see

01:04:17.120 These two bitches

01:04:17.700 That did my hair

01:04:18.740 She's lost a friendship

01:04:19.640 You're sweet

01:04:20.120 I've ended my

01:04:21.000 24 year friendship

01:04:22.480 With Shannon

01:04:23.140 Over this hair

01:04:23.760 Her best friend

01:04:24.400 She doesn't talk to her anymore

01:04:25.300 My best friend

01:04:25.820 She fucked me over

01:04:27.040 On this hair

01:04:27.680 What do you mean

01:04:28.180 Did she cut it herself

01:04:29.280 No she had her friend

01:04:30.720 I think it looks fine

01:04:31.900 She hates when I say that

01:04:33.920 I think it looks great

01:04:34.640 Dare I say

01:04:36.820 Everywhere I went

01:04:37.980 At the Trump

01:04:38.700 So great

01:04:39.300 What do you call that place

01:04:40.480 Where Trump lives

01:04:41.380 Down there in Florida

01:04:42.420 Mar-a-Lago

01:04:43.160 Mar-a-Lago

01:04:43.820 Every place I went

01:04:45.120 Down there

01:04:45.780 I'd walk in

01:04:46.900 I was horrified

01:04:48.120 With my hair

01:04:48.880 Everyone goes

01:04:49.620 Your hair looks

01:04:51.300 Fantastic

01:04:52.460 I think it looks fine

01:04:53.480 It looks great

01:04:53.740 I couldn't believe it

01:04:55.260 But I

01:04:55.780 I'm just trying

01:04:57.080 Well I think when I saw it

01:04:58.060 It was maybe combed differently

01:04:59.780 I feel like you can still

01:05:01.480 Do different things with it

01:05:03.020 Well maybe I

01:05:05.140 Just hate my hair

01:05:07.020 It's just

01:05:07.400 My hair is horrible

01:05:08.660 It's not

01:05:09.200 It'll be fine

01:05:09.780 But can I ask you

01:05:10.340 If people didn't know

01:05:11.680 How horrible my hair is

01:05:13.340 It's fine

01:05:13.860 Can I ask you both a question

01:05:14.880 Because they want to ask

01:05:15.800 So your father comes out

01:05:17.640 Tell me when you're going to start

01:05:18.920 My hair is like

01:05:19.840 Wait

01:05:20.340 Can you just say action

01:05:21.720 Action we're going now

01:05:22.740 Don't you fucking hate

01:05:23.500 I'm sorry

01:05:23.840 This is

01:05:24.140 I hate podcasts

01:05:25.320 Because everyone's sitting there going

01:05:26.660 Are we

01:05:27.280 Did you start recording

01:05:28.340 I'm like

01:05:28.640 You're at Joe Rogan's podcast

01:05:30.180 You don't think he's recording

01:05:31.380 You talking about something

01:05:33.480 Actually interesting

01:05:34.200 Oh I record before you

01:05:35.380 Are we recording this

01:05:36.300 So you're both

01:05:38.160 Your dad comes out of the closet

01:05:39.880 You've been a liberal

01:05:41.360 Off and on

01:05:41.960 Like this progressive movement

01:05:43.720 That we all hate now

01:05:44.980 Right

01:05:45.560 Let's be honest

01:05:46.660 The woke type movement

01:05:47.140 Does your dad hate

01:05:47.900 Hold on

01:05:48.280 Let me ask this

01:05:48.800 Please let me ask this question

01:05:49.900 Does your dad hate the progressives

01:05:50.640 Stop being homophobic

01:05:51.660 Okay

01:05:52.060 I want to know like

01:05:53.080 Part of the progressive movement

01:05:54.420 That we were all for

01:05:55.400 Was for this kind of stuff

01:05:56.620 Protecting kids

01:05:56.900 It was real

01:05:57.460 It was actually

01:05:58.320 It was real

01:05:58.800 And now it's become this monster

01:06:00.360 Like at what point

01:06:01.420 It's a parody

01:06:01.780 Do you feel

01:06:02.240 I guess my question is

01:06:03.300 Do you feel guilty

01:06:04.220 Sometimes

01:06:05.380 Going against this woke movement

01:06:07.720 Knowing that it has

01:06:08.840 Helped your family

01:06:09.880 No because

01:06:11.260 I can parse out

01:06:12.700 No because it went too far

01:06:13.020 I can parse out

01:06:14.160 When I grew up

01:06:14.960 It was gay and lesbian

01:06:15.980 The GLs

01:06:16.800 The GLs for short

01:06:18.300 How easy is that

01:06:19.320 Oh the GLs

01:06:20.400 Right

01:06:20.840 And then they let the

01:06:21.940 Bi's in there

01:06:22.700 They fucked it all up

01:06:24.260 They did

01:06:24.920 Because I remember

01:06:25.960 They having that

01:06:26.760 Great big old

01:06:27.540 Fight over the bi's

01:06:29.000 Yep

01:06:29.340 Because my sister and brother

01:06:30.720 Is gay and lesbian

01:06:31.900 And they was like

01:06:33.200 In there you know

01:06:34.120 First it was just the gays

01:06:35.880 And then the lesbians

01:06:37.480 Like my sister

01:06:38.400 You know the ones

01:06:39.440 With shaved heads

01:06:40.340 And the bicycle chains

01:06:41.780 They came in

01:06:44.260 Or the ones that

01:06:44.760 Look like Roseanne

01:06:45.700 Or the ones that

01:06:46.480 Look like me

01:06:47.220 Yeah

01:06:47.880 That's what my sister

01:06:49.280 Told me

01:06:49.880 She goes

01:06:50.340 You are gonna tell me

01:06:53.000 How to dress

01:06:54.040 What time softball

01:06:55.540 Practice by the way

01:06:56.240 That's what my sister said

01:06:57.800 You're gonna tell me

01:06:59.400 How I need to dress

01:07:00.820 When you dress

01:07:02.280 Like the biggest

01:07:02.980 Dyke that's ever lived

01:07:04.380 Why am I

01:07:05.760 When the bisexuals

01:07:07.160 Jumped on

01:07:07.640 It's like

01:07:07.980 Are we supposed to

01:07:08.700 Feel bad for someone

01:07:09.520 That gets to fuck everybody

01:07:10.700 Yeah

01:07:10.960 Thank you

01:07:11.900 You know

01:07:12.220 I couldn't believe it

01:07:17.340 But my sister

01:07:18.100 My sister goes

01:07:19.580 Oh no

01:07:20.640 Those women have

01:07:22.340 No say

01:07:23.420 In what women

01:07:25.160 Who love women

01:07:26.520 Have to do

01:07:27.320 Because women

01:07:28.400 Who love women

01:07:29.340 Are not gonna go

01:07:30.300 For the cock

01:07:31.500 I remember that whole fight

01:07:33.520 And they didn't want

01:07:34.820 Nothing to do with

01:07:35.780 Bisexualities

01:07:37.240 I wonder if that

01:07:38.220 Really was

01:07:38.960 And I do feel

01:07:39.660 For someone

01:07:40.100 If that's

01:07:41.000 Who you are

01:07:42.380 And you were

01:07:42.760 Discriminated for it

01:07:44.220 They didn't want the cock

01:07:44.260 But they let the cock in

01:07:45.960 And look where it leads

01:07:47.820 Now men say

01:07:48.860 They are women

01:07:49.880 Because it's all

01:07:51.020 About the cock

01:07:51.960 And nothing but

01:07:52.700 The fucking cock

01:07:53.720 So help you

01:07:54.580 Fucking God

01:07:55.680 Hand on the

01:07:57.540 God damn

01:07:58.080 Bible too

01:07:58.960 Yeah

01:07:59.900 It's gone too far

01:08:00.600 That's your answer

01:08:02.100 To the question

01:08:02.420 But the difference now

01:08:03.260 Is celebrate me

01:08:04.860 Just because I'm gay

01:08:06.160 Right

01:08:06.560 Which is unacceptable

01:08:07.520 I think it's

01:08:08.740 Celebrate my cock

01:08:10.160 Get down on your knees

01:08:11.900 Bitch

01:08:12.340 And celebrate

01:08:13.380 My almighty cock

01:08:14.920 Because I'm a better woman

01:08:16.380 Than you'll ever be

01:08:17.620 Suck my dick

01:08:19.040 Bitch

01:08:19.780 Yeah

01:08:20.120 That's what I think it is

01:08:21.520 That's part of it

01:08:22.580 It's all like

01:08:22.960 To take women's rights away

01:08:24.500 I'll tell you what

01:08:25.800 You're not coming

01:08:26.420 In my bathroom

01:08:27.220 I'll pull a fucking knife

01:08:28.840 And cut your dick off

01:08:30.580 If I have it in my face

01:08:32.040 Wow

01:08:32.500 Wow ma'am

01:08:33.320 No you won't be

01:08:33.960 Showing your dick to me

01:08:35.060 I'm 71

01:08:35.840 No dicks

01:08:37.380 My dick's hiding

01:08:38.420 The only part

01:08:39.200 The part of me

01:08:39.620 Is not Jewish

01:08:40.280 But you were saying

01:08:43.040 It's gone too far

01:08:43.740 I mean

01:08:44.460 Yeah yeah

01:08:44.920 Not in my face

01:08:46.060 Without my invitation

01:08:47.440 It's supposed to be

01:08:48.740 About consent

01:08:49.440 Well this was

01:08:50.080 My dick also led to

01:08:51.700 Part of my downfall

01:08:53.660 As a child

01:08:54.160 Because I was not circumcised

01:08:55.900 And I got bullied for it

01:08:57.060 So I was getting bullied

01:08:57.880 For having a gay dad

01:08:58.920 A sick mom

01:09:00.060 And a normal penis

01:09:01.460 Which I thought was

01:09:02.340 I thought

01:09:03.240 Because I was the only dick

01:09:05.060 Me and one of my brothers

01:09:06.320 Weren't circumcised

01:09:07.920 My oldest brother was

01:09:09.300 And I don't know why

01:09:10.540 Maybe they thought

01:09:11.780 It was wrong

01:09:12.480 After they did here

01:09:13.360 Yeah maybe they were like

01:09:14.260 Maybe we shouldn't

01:09:15.020 Cut the baby's dicks off anymore

01:09:16.700 Yeah because Jake

01:09:18.240 Almost fled to death

01:09:19.460 After I got him circumcised

01:09:21.020 That's true

01:09:21.580 So I never wanted

01:09:22.940 Any of my grandkids

01:09:23.900 You were trying to trans

01:09:24.640 And weren't you

01:09:25.140 No I never wanted

01:09:26.500 No they clicked

01:09:27.100 An artery or something

01:09:28.020 To ever be pro circumcision again

01:09:30.020 Because that was horrifying

01:09:30.400 Maybe that's what happened

01:09:31.360 We got bullied

01:09:32.880 We got bullied so hard

01:09:34.160 I remember we drew our

01:09:35.300 You know kids

01:09:36.180 Where were you showing your dicks

01:09:37.200 To people that you got bullied

01:09:38.080 Though I want to

01:09:38.600 I mean come on

01:09:39.160 You knew you were a kid

01:09:40.020 When you were a kid

01:09:40.880 And you were raised

01:09:41.240 In a gay house

01:09:42.360 Oh yeah okay

01:09:43.160 Dicks out bud

01:09:44.040 No I'm kidding

01:09:44.480 No but you got bullied

01:09:46.340 It was my dad's boyfriend

01:09:47.220 I think

01:09:47.580 No you mean at school

01:09:50.140 Yeah because we all

01:09:51.380 We all

01:09:51.920 Someone was like

01:09:52.540 Let's draw

01:09:53.140 What does your dick look like

01:09:54.360 Well why don't we just

01:09:55.420 Draw it on the sidewalk

01:09:56.960 So we all took chalk

01:09:58.440 And drew our dicks

01:10:00.280 And yours look like

01:10:00.840 And mine was a triangle

01:10:02.580 Yeah

01:10:03.160 And everyone was like

01:10:04.120 What the fuck is that

01:10:05.840 Is you

01:10:06.380 They're like

01:10:07.000 Look at that

01:10:07.440 Witch's hat

01:10:08.320 Your dick is cursed

01:10:09.800 You got an elephant dick

01:10:10.940 And like

01:10:11.480 Then I'm watching Seinfeld

01:10:13.640 And I used to

01:10:14.660 That's one thing

01:10:15.060 I'd do a cuddle up

01:10:15.780 With my mom

01:10:16.360 And we'd watch Seinfeld

01:10:17.220 What's the deal

01:10:17.980 With incest

01:10:18.680 So

01:10:19.600 We watched Springer

01:10:22.340 That was our show

01:10:23.380 And Elaine

01:10:24.480 Is talking about

01:10:25.540 Dating a guy

01:10:26.420 Who's not circumcised

01:10:28.160 And Jerry goes

01:10:29.000 What do you think about it

01:10:29.920 She goes

01:10:30.220 Ew

01:10:30.720 It's got no personality

01:10:32.320 And it

01:10:33.260 I was 11

01:10:35.380 Ouch

01:10:36.220 And that

01:10:36.920 Every day

01:10:38.500 I thought about that

01:10:39.260 Oh that's so sad

01:10:40.300 Well it's not too late

01:10:41.060 No now women love it

01:10:43.540 Oh really

01:10:44.040 Because now

01:10:44.620 Why

01:10:45.020 All natural is back

01:10:46.620 It's like

01:10:47.120 That's right

01:10:47.580 Well aside from

01:10:48.580 Not getting the vaccine

01:10:49.560 But I'm like

01:10:50.140 Yeah

01:10:50.360 I clean up with this

01:10:51.860 But why do the women

01:10:53.440 Love it with a hood on it

01:10:55.520 Because it's natural

01:10:56.480 It's natural

01:10:57.320 It's like

01:10:58.320 You know

01:10:59.220 It's easier to use

01:11:01.340 And it works with the vagina

01:11:03.400 Naturally

01:11:03.960 How come it's easier to use

01:11:05.100 Self lubricating

01:11:06.220 Okay so

01:11:07.120 What

01:11:07.540 Watch this

01:11:08.140 Here we go

01:11:08.700 What

01:11:09.520 Like a turtle

01:11:10.620 Right

01:11:11.360 Is that what you're saying

01:11:12.320 Like a turtle

01:11:12.980 When a penis

01:11:14.460 Let's say this is a circumcised penis

01:11:16.340 You're not filming this right

01:11:17.540 Yeah

01:11:17.780 If it goes in a vagina

01:11:19.000 It's just pushing air into it

01:11:20.920 Right

01:11:21.160 Yeah

01:11:21.380 But when it has the skin

01:11:22.420 It actually self lubricates

01:11:24.080 So it's

01:11:25.040 Because you don't wash

01:11:26.380 Think about how men and women

01:11:27.080 Have evolved to fuck

01:11:28.220 For billions of years

01:11:29.160 Yeah

01:11:29.600 So have our genitals

01:11:30.720 Right

01:11:31.260 So it self lubricates

01:11:32.560 It self lubricates

01:11:33.920 I don't think it's self lubricates

01:11:35.220 Why because the hood

01:11:36.180 Is full of lubrication

01:11:37.140 It moves with it

01:11:37.980 No it moves with it

01:11:39.260 Is the hood full of lubrication

01:11:41.500 Is that what you're saying

01:11:42.340 No

01:11:42.560 Yeah you hit a little button

01:11:43.420 On your balls

01:11:44.020 No I just want to understand

01:11:45.600 No it's not self lubricated

01:11:46.760 What are you saying

01:11:47.340 The skin moves back

01:11:48.700 You're saying it helps ease in

01:11:51.160 But it's not lubricated

01:11:52.320 Well

01:11:53.100 I'm not

01:11:53.600 Like you don't have

01:11:54.120 Lubrication in your dickhead

01:11:55.800 No no

01:11:56.440 Right

01:11:56.660 But it's like

01:11:57.460 It's an alternative

01:11:58.840 To having to use lubrication

01:12:00.040 Because it's actually

01:12:00.820 The skin is working with it

01:12:02.060 He's saying it kind of

01:12:02.920 Goes like a sleeve

01:12:03.740 It's like a docking

01:12:04.800 Like the Russian

01:12:05.920 American satellites

01:12:08.040 Everyone's jerking off

01:12:09.140 At home by right now

01:12:10.060 No I can see

01:12:11.240 I don't understand that

01:12:12.060 I'll have to read more on it

01:12:13.640 No think like

01:12:14.240 There's just the penis head

01:12:15.440 I'll have to read more

01:12:15.640 I'll read more about it

01:12:16.520 No I'm going to show you

01:12:17.240 I'll show you a video

01:12:18.080 I'll make a video for you

01:12:18.960 Look

01:12:19.060 It kind of works

01:12:19.820 As like a sleeve

01:12:20.720 Yeah

01:12:21.140 That's what he's saying

01:12:22.340 But is there lubrication

01:12:23.640 In the sleeve

01:12:24.120 He used the wrong word

01:12:24.780 Is what I'm saying

01:12:25.740 He shouldn't have said

01:12:26.480 Self-lubrication

01:12:27.460 But how does that sleeve

01:12:28.860 Help it

01:12:29.540 Because the sleeve

01:12:30.320 Kind of works

01:12:30.920 Kind of like it hooks

01:12:31.700 And then pulls your dickhead in

01:12:32.980 So it's less tension

01:12:34.240 It's less like

01:12:35.160 I mean

01:12:38.140 I can show you

01:12:39.720 With the wine bottle

01:12:40.480 I don't know

01:12:40.820 What the hell that means

01:12:41.320 Just think about it

01:12:42.140 A dick goes in a vagina

01:12:43.260 If it's just the head

01:12:44.200 It's got a split

01:12:45.300 But if it's got the sleeve

01:12:46.400 It kind of goes in parks

01:12:47.860 And then it can work

01:12:48.480 It's like a shock absorber

01:12:49.760 You know

01:12:50.760 It's like a shoe

01:12:53.400 It's more pleasurable

01:12:54.560 For women

01:12:55.380 And that's

01:12:56.160 I get what you're saying

01:13:00.060 Yeah

01:13:00.420 It's help

01:13:01.160 There's a little bit

01:13:02.700 Of padding

01:13:03.460 It's padding

01:13:04.060 So you don't get a UTI

01:13:06.000 It's like my pillow

01:13:07.100 That's what I'm saying

01:13:09.200 Yeah

01:13:09.540 You don't get a UTI

01:13:11.180 Because there's a little bit

01:13:12.400 Of padding

01:13:12.840 Well you could get

01:13:13.780 Between your urethra

01:13:15.440 And the shaft

01:13:16.800 Yeah but if he's not clean

01:13:18.320 You could get a UTI

01:13:19.200 Because if he's got like

01:13:19.940 Dick cheese

01:13:20.420 Did you know the room service

01:13:21.600 Woman's been here

01:13:22.320 The whole time

01:13:22.800 All right thanks

01:13:24.560 Now I'm just trying

01:13:25.880 To understand

01:13:26.400 But I can see it

01:13:26.940 Not only that

01:13:27.620 But it also protects

01:13:28.640 The head of the penis

01:13:29.560 So if it's

01:13:31.000 If it's

01:13:31.760 The head is exposed

01:13:32.720 It's rubbing on

01:13:33.900 Your jeans

01:13:34.680 Your whole life

01:13:35.400 So it actually makes

01:13:36.660 So it gets less sensitive

01:13:38.000 It's

01:13:38.560 Yes it gets desensitized

01:13:40.140 And it's actually

01:13:40.940 A theory of mine

01:13:41.740 Of why there's more

01:13:42.680 Sexual like abuse

01:13:43.980 And assault

01:13:44.520 Because men

01:13:45.640 Their dicks have been

01:13:46.500 Numbed out

01:13:47.100 Which is also

01:13:48.200 The original reason

01:13:49.900 Why circumcision began

01:13:51.320 Was to try to make

01:13:52.880 Men less horny

01:13:53.780 That was like

01:13:55.200 Back in Roman time

01:13:56.140 Please talk about this

01:13:56.900 Sue Menger's husband

01:13:57.940 Said that

01:13:58.840 You know Sue Menger's

01:14:00.220 My friend

01:14:00.760 The greatest agent

01:14:01.720 That was ever in Hollywood

01:14:02.940 Her husband

01:14:04.680 Jean-Claude was French

01:14:06.000 And she was Jewish

01:14:07.420 And he used to

01:14:09.080 Taunt her

01:14:09.880 We'd all laugh

01:14:10.720 Of course

01:14:11.180 But he'd say

01:14:12.220 Yeah of course

01:14:13.000 Jewish women

01:14:13.840 Invented circumcision

01:14:15.240 For their sons

01:14:16.100 To reduce

01:14:17.820 Their sexual pleasure

01:14:19.040 The original purpose

01:14:20.160 Of circumcision

01:14:21.080 But you know

01:14:22.320 The real

01:14:22.800 You know the real

01:14:24.100 Reason it came

01:14:25.120 Think about how horny

01:14:26.160 Yeah I gotta hear this

01:14:27.200 People have always been

01:14:28.020 As horny as they are

01:14:29.560 In fact I'd say

01:14:30.100 They were more hornier

01:14:30.780 Because there was less

01:14:31.660 Social construct

01:14:33.040 Around it

01:14:33.600 Right

01:14:33.800 Well maybe they're

01:14:34.780 More horny

01:14:35.600 Because they don't

01:14:37.120 Get enough out of it

01:14:38.480 As they

01:14:39.000 You know

01:14:39.700 If it was really great

01:14:41.140 You wouldn't need

01:14:41.780 To do it all the time

01:14:43.060 Right

01:14:43.520 That could be

01:14:44.580 That could be

01:14:45.060 Wait

01:14:45.240 There's so much

01:14:46.040 To unpack here

01:14:46.740 Please just start

01:14:48.320 So circumcision

01:14:49.440 But wait

01:14:50.000 No I need to say

01:14:51.040 You know where

01:14:51.660 Circumcisions came from

01:14:53.560 She's

01:14:53.960 No

01:14:54.880 No

01:14:55.480 We're at the bottom

01:14:56.000 Of the glass

01:14:56.520 Here we go

01:14:56.780 I just have to say this

01:14:58.080 Because it's true

01:14:58.800 Pharaoh

01:15:00.160 Circumcised

01:15:02.120 His slaves

01:15:03.240 It didn't come from

01:15:04.480 The Torah

01:15:05.140 Or the Jews

01:15:06.000 Or any of that

01:15:06.720 Pharaoh

01:15:07.740 Circumcised

01:15:08.980 His slaves

01:15:10.080 That's how they could tell

01:15:11.160 Who was slave class

01:15:12.680 And who was aristocrat

01:15:14.160 Well he's saying

01:15:14.680 It was to desensitize

01:15:15.840 The penis

01:15:16.280 Well of course

01:15:16.880 They wanted the slaves

01:15:18.000 Not to

01:15:18.580 I'm sure

01:15:19.340 They wanted the slaves

01:15:20.840 To not

01:15:21.320 She interrupts

01:15:22.220 You just have to

01:15:22.740 Well it also

01:15:23.360 Well it also

01:15:24.360 Takes weight off

01:15:25.540 You know

01:15:25.940 So maybe that made

01:15:26.860 Them faster

01:15:27.420 Take a little weight off

01:15:28.540 You know

01:15:28.840 Wait

01:15:29.540 You're removing

01:15:30.100 Part of the body

01:15:30.760 Where did you hear

01:15:31.400 That the circumcision

01:15:32.200 Started to

01:15:32.680 Is you're saying

01:15:33.300 To desensitize the penis

01:15:34.760 Yes

01:15:35.640 Yeah

01:15:36.060 I've never heard that

01:15:37.100 But I'm sure

01:15:37.560 In each culture

01:15:38.240 There may have been

01:15:38.860 A different reason

01:15:39.500 Just like pyramids

01:15:40.320 Popped up everywhere

01:15:41.140 You know

01:15:41.700 Just like even

01:15:42.620 All this woke bullshit

01:15:43.920 There's different reasons

01:15:44.940 I always heard

01:15:45.440 It was more

01:15:45.940 What's the word

01:15:47.860 Sanitary

01:15:48.400 That's what I always heard

01:15:49.620 No that's what they say now

01:15:51.300 No now they say

01:15:52.440 There's no difference

01:15:53.000 Why would they want to

01:15:53.520 Someone has a great joke

01:15:54.740 About that

01:15:55.220 Because they're like

01:15:55.900 Yeah it's really hard

01:15:56.840 To like do this

01:15:58.140 You know

01:15:58.700 With some water

01:15:59.900 But some guys

01:16:01.020 That don't

01:16:01.360 Because I've had

01:16:01.920 My girlfriends have told me

01:16:03.500 They've been with

01:16:04.000 Uncircumcised penis

01:16:04.820 Now this is only

01:16:06.360 A couple of them

01:16:07.000 But both of those

01:16:08.500 Experiences oddly enough

01:16:10.200 The guy was

01:16:10.940 I've only seen a few

01:16:11.900 Of those

01:16:12.560 And it's stinky

01:16:13.480 That's a more of a

01:16:14.660 Well because it sits

01:16:15.880 Inside so it can stink

01:16:17.220 It's like

01:16:17.980 It's like if you wore

01:16:18.780 Shoes all day

01:16:19.620 Like if I take my shoes

01:16:20.920 Off my hair

01:16:21.240 You guys are gross

01:16:21.800 In my outfit

01:16:22.260 I just want to talk

01:16:22.980 I know I hope

01:16:23.600 Yeah

01:16:23.980 This is the best

01:16:24.940 Mother son podcast

01:16:26.000 Of all time

01:16:26.700 We already got in trouble

01:16:27.640 For talking sex last time

01:16:28.860 You can

01:16:29.100 You know in most cases

01:16:30.340 You can

01:16:31.120 Clean it

01:16:31.960 Pull the skin back

01:16:32.840 And clean your penis

01:16:33.640 Of course

01:16:34.000 No you can be

01:16:34.940 Sanitary

01:16:35.260 But a lot of people

01:16:35.940 I'm just saying

01:16:36.620 If you're out jogging

01:16:37.780 All day

01:16:38.140 And your dick

01:16:38.660 Is surrounded

01:16:39.500 It can get stinky

01:16:41.140 If you're jogging

01:16:42.120 And you go fuck someone

01:16:42.940 You're probably raping

01:16:43.760 Them in the woods

01:16:44.420 That's true

01:16:44.900 You should go home

01:16:45.300 And shower

01:16:45.800 Well enough of that

01:16:47.440 If someone just jogging

01:16:48.360 Is fucking you

01:16:48.980 You're being right

01:16:49.740 Yeah

01:16:50.280 Yeah

01:16:50.620 Or

01:16:51.580 Or

01:16:52.660 You know

01:16:53.220 Like a lot of

01:16:53.960 No

01:16:54.400 Or you're gay

01:16:55.400 Like a lot of people

01:16:56.460 Like they're jogging

01:16:57.740 And going in the bushes

01:16:58.580 Haven't you seen

01:16:59.760 The gay people in the park

01:17:01.160 Oh yeah

01:17:01.440 My dad had to go up to Maine

01:17:02.560 I didn't actually know

01:17:03.400 So we used to vacation

01:17:04.260 In a gunk

01:17:05.080 A gunk

01:17:05.620 Or whatever

01:17:06.140 In Maine

01:17:06.800 Is that where he went

01:17:08.060 Well yeah

01:17:09.020 That was a gay

01:17:09.840 That was like

01:17:10.540 One of the safe places

01:17:11.640 For men to go

01:17:12.480 When we

01:17:12.820 We got

01:17:14.140 That's our

01:17:14.680 You know

01:17:15.140 Family vacations

01:17:16.140 And you didn't know

01:17:16.700 Your family

01:17:17.500 Went vacationing

01:17:18.960 At the gay parks

01:17:20.460 Yeah it's less gay now

01:17:21.860 Oh it's so sad

01:17:22.160 Because the French came in

01:17:23.260 Even though

01:17:23.700 They're all gay

01:17:24.740 It's pretty gay

01:17:25.040 Yeah

01:17:25.360 And so

01:17:26.940 You know

01:17:27.440 What we would do

01:17:28.440 As a family

01:17:28.940 Is go to piano

01:17:29.980 Gay bars

01:17:30.680 That's like

01:17:31.220 The best place

01:17:32.540 For me to actually

01:17:33.180 Hang out with my dad

01:17:33.860 He has a lot of fun there

01:17:34.840 And we all

01:17:35.320 I grew up going to musicals

01:17:36.560 I'm basically gay raised

01:17:37.960 It's like

01:17:38.340 Yeah

01:17:38.600 These women don't

01:17:39.300 These feminists don't know

01:17:40.060 What they're missing out on

01:17:40.820 I'm raised by gay men

01:17:42.280 I cook

01:17:42.840 I clean

01:17:43.660 I got my dick

01:17:44.840 I'm funny

01:17:45.480 But

01:17:46.740 They're gonna

01:17:48.240 They're gonna pay the price

01:17:49.280 Pretty soon

01:17:50.340 Who?

01:17:50.980 Well women are gonna be

01:17:52.020 Over 50% single

01:17:53.980 No husband

01:17:55.360 No boyfriend

01:17:56.040 No kids

01:17:56.620 By 2029

01:17:57.700 Is that

01:17:58.440 That is a crisis

01:17:59.540 Is that right?

01:17:59.840 That is a crisis

01:18:01.620 That is a crisis

01:18:03.420 It's

01:18:03.760 They have

01:18:04.320 I can understand

01:18:05.280 Why no man

01:18:06.060 Wants to get with any women

01:18:07.700 Because they're just all crazy

01:18:09.200 They're in total

01:18:10.400 Denial

01:18:10.980 They think

01:18:11.600 They're all that

01:18:12.460 And a bag of chips

01:18:13.360 And they ain't

01:18:14.340 That's true

01:18:14.720 You never hear about

01:18:16.640 What

01:18:17.360 Okay

01:18:17.720 What do you

01:18:18.140 What should you do

01:18:19.320 To please a man

01:18:20.640 Nothing

01:18:21.220 It's not

01:18:21.800 It's not part of the conversation

01:18:23.460 And when you bring that up

01:18:24.700 It don't even occur to them

01:18:25.880 You're gone

01:18:26.180 You're out

01:18:26.820 You're out

01:18:27.740 And so

01:18:28.580 You're patriarchy

01:18:28.940 It's gonna get really sad

01:18:31.520 And I'm

01:18:31.960 I'm in the middle

01:18:33.120 So I'm 37

01:18:33.860 So I can date older

01:18:35.340 Easily

01:18:36.120 You know

01:18:36.300 I can date 40, 45

01:18:37.020 Or I can date younger

01:18:37.800 Like however old

01:18:39.100 You guys think's appropriate

01:18:40.060 I'm not gonna say that

01:18:40.860 Out loud

01:18:41.220 You know

01:18:42.420 But I get the full spectrum

01:18:44.440 Yeah

01:18:45.020 I have no

01:18:45.980 The last girl I dated

01:18:46.960 Was 23

01:18:47.720 She was the most

01:18:48.580 Intellectual

01:18:49.260 Smart

01:18:49.760 Grounded

01:18:50.380 Really

01:18:50.800 That's amazing

01:18:51.600 She was a funny

01:18:51.880 Amazing person

01:18:52.980 That's amazing

01:18:53.200 And she broke it off with me

01:18:54.740 Because

01:18:55.100 Because

01:18:55.920 You wouldn't get back

01:18:56.520 It just wasn't

01:18:57.580 Oh

01:18:57.780 No

01:18:58.200 That she

01:18:58.700 She almost cried

01:19:00.120 When I told her

01:19:00.740 She was so

01:19:01.520 Blown away

01:19:02.620 That I stood up to it

01:19:03.700 Because she hid

01:19:04.620 That she didn't get

01:19:05.440 The vaccine

01:19:06.020 She didn't get back

01:19:07.760 She didn't get the vaccine

01:19:08.440 She sounds great

01:19:09.220 What happened

01:19:09.680 She

01:19:09.880 What happens is

01:19:11.840 You have these young girls

01:19:13.580 Who are 23

01:19:14.340 Who all think they're Beyonce

01:19:16.020 Yeah

01:19:16.480 Oh yeah

01:19:17.060 And so it's

01:19:17.700 I can do better

01:19:18.500 I can do funnier

01:19:19.340 I can do taller

01:19:20.140 And then they find out

01:19:21.580 There aren't any

01:19:23.000 Someone just calculated this

01:19:25.680 And this is the most

01:19:26.680 High demand man

01:19:27.600 Is a man over 6 feet tall

01:19:28.980 That makes over 6 figures

01:19:30.120 That is

01:19:31.380 1% of the population

01:19:33.540 Single

01:19:34.740 0.02

01:19:36.380 Yeah

01:19:37.160 That doesn't account for

01:19:38.440 If they're even attractive

01:19:39.420 Or obese

01:19:40.340 Or gay

01:19:41.740 You know

01:19:42.180 Like

01:19:42.460 They are fighting for

01:19:44.120 0.02% of the population

01:19:46.900 And the guys aren't there

01:19:48.700 And I go

01:19:49.120 Look down

01:19:49.760 There's all these short guys

01:19:51.040 Yeah

01:19:51.440 Who's right here

01:19:52.440 Short kings

01:19:53.720 Short kings

01:19:54.440 No it is bullshit

01:19:55.660 I mean

01:19:56.160 I feel bad

01:19:57.240 I mean I lost my hair

01:19:58.360 You know

01:19:58.680 And that was tough

01:19:59.400 Dating

01:19:59.840 But I was still 6 foot 1

01:20:01.640 And I found like

01:20:02.180 Women didn't really give a shit

01:20:03.360 But it seems like the

01:20:04.240 In a liberal city

01:20:05.560 In a liberal city

01:20:06.640 In the most progressive

01:20:08.000 We don't care

01:20:08.920 I would say

01:20:10.300 8 out of 10

01:20:11.700 If not 9 out of 10

01:20:12.960 Women

01:20:13.260 Will turn me down

01:20:14.140 For my height

01:20:14.720 Yeah

01:20:14.920 And this is them knowing

01:20:16.120 I'm successful

01:20:16.820 Funny

01:20:17.280 Love eating pussy

01:20:18.220 I mean I'm like

01:20:18.940 I love women so much

01:20:20.940 And part of it

01:20:21.800 Was from

01:20:23.060 Taking care of my mom

01:20:24.160 Yeah

01:20:24.560 Like I really know

01:20:26.040 How to take care of a woman

01:20:26.920 Maybe that's what

01:20:27.800 They don't like

01:20:28.380 Because I know

01:20:29.060 That they don't like that

01:20:30.120 Yeah but I've

01:20:31.000 Disconnected from her

01:20:31.900 So I'm actually

01:20:32.820 Completely independent

01:20:34.000 From that

01:20:34.580 That's great

01:20:35.200 That's a real healing

01:20:36.320 That's a real healing

01:20:38.620 Thing that you did

01:20:39.740 And I'm sure

01:20:41.560 You're not completely

01:20:42.520 Disconnected

01:20:43.380 Are you

01:20:43.800 Completely

01:20:44.860 Pretty close

01:20:46.140 Well maybe you need

01:20:47.300 To do that for a while

01:20:48.160 A lot of people

01:20:48.720 Yeah

01:20:48.980 Do it as long as you need to

01:20:50.100 You know

01:20:50.420 And my

01:20:50.940 My grandmother

01:20:52.740 You know

01:20:54.040 What's kind of cool

01:20:54.780 Is she was

01:20:55.380 She loved Trump

01:20:56.720 So much

01:20:57.140 She passed away

01:20:57.680 In September

01:20:58.220 And yes

01:20:59.340 From watching your podcast

01:21:01.020 And

01:21:02.080 Killed herself

01:21:03.500 She

01:21:03.980 Yeah

01:21:04.460 You know

01:21:05.980 You know when people

01:21:08.160 Were going

01:21:08.600 You gotta

01:21:09.160 Shame your family

01:21:10.360 For liking Trump

01:21:11.240 And you gotta tell

01:21:11.840 Your grandma

01:21:12.260 To go fuck herself

01:21:13.260 And

01:21:13.520 Yeah

01:21:13.800 It's evil

01:21:14.360 And I

01:21:15.060 I almost

01:21:16.300 Like

01:21:16.840 Oh my

01:21:17.520 I almost did that

01:21:18.560 Yeah

01:21:18.920 And then

01:21:20.040 As this shit

01:21:20.980 Started happening

01:21:21.660 To me

01:21:22.600 Me and her

01:21:23.960 Started getting

01:21:24.700 More and more aligned

01:21:25.880 And so I got about

01:21:27.540 A year with her

01:21:28.680 You know

01:21:29.740 When this stuff

01:21:31.360 Was happening

01:21:31.780 With my mom

01:21:32.460 Where we would sit

01:21:33.460 And you know

01:21:33.880 I would leave her

01:21:34.460 Messages as Trump

01:21:35.600 And

01:21:35.880 And

01:21:36.960 We would shit

01:21:37.780 On Biden

01:21:38.340 And you know

01:21:39.240 I would leave her

01:21:40.180 Messages as Biden

01:21:41.300 Look

01:21:41.660 I'm not sure

01:21:43.080 You're Irish

01:21:43.880 Give me a call

01:21:45.280 Black people

01:21:46.020 Come on

01:21:46.960 I love

01:21:48.220 I love you're Biden

01:21:49.620 Yeah

01:21:49.900 You're Trump

01:21:50.580 What about his

01:21:52.060 State of the Union

01:21:52.860 Where you get all

01:21:53.700 Hitlerian

01:21:54.520 Oh yeah

01:21:55.220 How about that one

01:21:56.020 He starts just yelling

01:21:57.260 For no fucking reason

01:21:57.960 Well he yells

01:21:58.600 And then he whispers

01:21:59.800 The end

01:22:01.080 It's like

01:22:01.540 Look

01:22:01.880 It's not a joke

01:22:04.620 Stop racism

01:22:07.260 I wrote the damn bill

01:22:09.980 Eight hundred

01:22:10.520 Three hundred

01:22:11.420 Three hundred

01:22:11.680 Three hundred

01:22:11.840 Three hundred

01:22:12.100 Okay

01:22:14.320 What the fuck

01:22:15.860 Yeah

01:22:15.980 The adults are back

01:22:16.860 In the room

01:22:17.260 What is that guy

01:22:18.920 Yeah

01:22:19.340 Do you think that's

01:22:20.320 Really Joe Biden

01:22:21.260 Or a

01:22:21.680 Some people say

01:22:22.880 It's a clone

01:22:23.600 Or a robot

01:22:24.380 Do you think it's a real

01:22:26.320 I think it's a bit

01:22:27.320 Of a clone of himself

01:22:28.220 Just from his mental

01:22:29.340 Decline

01:22:30.020 But you know

01:22:30.900 I think he

01:22:31.980 Some people say

01:22:32.700 He's really

01:22:33.400 Murdered

01:22:34.640 I mean they say

01:22:35.580 That they killed him

01:22:36.560 At um

01:22:37.120 That Jag hung him

01:22:38.860 Over there

01:22:39.380 At Guantanamo Bay

01:22:40.720 They say that

01:22:42.140 In 2018

01:22:42.860 I mean I could see

01:22:43.720 It being a weekend

01:22:44.440 At Bernie's

01:22:45.040 Where they just like

01:22:45.740 Wheel him out

01:22:46.200 In strings

01:22:46.680 You know

01:22:47.120 Wheel out Joe

01:22:48.220 And he just comes

01:22:48.640 Look not a joke

01:22:49.480 They pull a string

01:22:50.040 In his back

01:22:50.520 Not a joke

01:22:51.700 Not a joke

01:22:53.280 You know the thing

01:22:55.500 You know he says

01:22:56.180 Four things

01:22:57.040 Do you ever read

01:22:59.640 Any of that shit

01:23:00.320 About Jag

01:23:01.300 How they're

01:23:02.300 Executing people

01:23:03.400 Over there

01:23:03.900 In Guantanamo Bay

01:23:05.160 No

01:23:05.580 You would love it

01:23:07.740 Really

01:23:08.120 My favorite thing

01:23:08.800 About this podcast

01:23:09.500 Is when you ask people

01:23:10.620 They just executed

01:23:12.740 Garland

01:23:14.040 What's his name

01:23:14.900 Merrick Garland

01:23:15.900 Merrick Garland

01:23:16.840 I wish

01:23:17.500 No

01:23:18.160 Yeah

01:23:18.700 No Merrick Garland

01:23:23.880 They say that

01:23:24.520 Jag just executed him

01:23:26.220 Yeah mom's in the internet

01:23:27.600 A lot

01:23:27.960 Just so you know

01:23:28.720 In uh

01:23:29.580 Where did they do it

01:23:30.400 Guantanamo Bay

01:23:31.400 There

01:23:31.660 They should have

01:23:32.160 Cancered you for this shit

01:23:33.140 That's what I say

01:23:34.480 Thank you

01:23:35.000 Not your jokes

01:23:36.320 That's what I say

01:23:39.180 If she does

01:23:40.140 She'll go in the podcast

01:23:40.900 She'll be like

01:23:41.140 Do you really think

01:23:42.140 And it'll be shit like this

01:23:43.280 And it's like

01:23:43.680 I just sit here

01:23:44.500 But I'm just saying

01:23:44.960 What's on the internet

01:23:45.960 I'm not saying

01:23:46.980 I believe

01:23:47.420 I'm not saying

01:23:48.760 I believe

01:23:49.240 I'm just saying

01:23:50.000 What people say

01:23:51.000 But you know what

01:23:51.020 It's funny

01:23:52.680 But it's also tragic

01:23:53.700 Because

01:23:54.200 It's just as

01:23:55.260 People are saying this

01:23:55.660 It's just as funny

01:23:56.540 To go

01:23:56.840 Well I'm just saying

01:23:57.600 What's on CNN

01:23:58.360 Yeah

01:23:58.880 Right

01:23:59.520 That really is funny

01:24:00.320 Yeah

01:24:00.660 Right

01:24:01.700 Can you do

01:24:02.760 Anderson Cooper

01:24:03.680 Speaking of CNN

01:24:06.260 Yeah

01:24:06.720 Take your pants up

01:24:07.900 Can you do

01:24:09.760 I can't do Anderson Cooper

01:24:11.200 Can you do Don Lemon

01:24:12.440 No but I could do

01:24:14.460 Tucker Carlson

01:24:15.860 Talking about

01:24:16.620 Don Lemon

01:24:17.600 Ooh I'm Don Lemon

01:24:20.920 Ooh

01:24:21.340 Ooh I'm real clever

01:24:22.800 Ooh

01:24:23.200 That's pretty good

01:24:25.040 Did you ever have Tucker on

01:24:25.720 Oh yeah

01:24:26.220 Yeah

01:24:26.480 We had him on

01:24:27.320 It was one of our biggest

01:24:28.580 He really went deep

01:24:31.320 With the

01:24:31.920 Where did we go deep with him

01:24:33.780 Dude it was crazy

01:24:34.720 We were sitting there

01:24:35.240 And like

01:24:35.420 Thanks for doing it

01:24:36.000 Oh the Unabomber

01:24:37.300 Oh he went Unabomber

01:24:38.300 Uncle Ted

01:24:39.100 He knows everything about the Unabomber

01:24:39.820 He's a huge fan of Ted Kaczynski

01:24:41.620 He did

01:24:42.420 Not a fan

01:24:42.920 He's a fan

01:24:43.520 No he is

01:24:43.960 He doesn't want to say it

01:24:44.840 But he is

01:24:45.260 We both are

01:24:45.820 That's why we bonded

01:24:46.660 No but he was captivated

01:24:48.020 By the guy

01:24:48.920 He calls him Uncle Ted

01:24:50.220 He's bought the books for his kids

01:24:51.420 A crazy genius

01:24:51.620 He is a crazy genius

01:24:52.840 Do you know anything about the Unabomber?

01:24:54.720 No

01:24:55.000 Oh he's great

01:24:55.600 Oh he's a crazy genius

01:24:57.060 Exactly

01:24:57.340 Everything he said happened

01:24:59.140 Yeah

01:24:59.360 Wow

01:24:59.980 He's like a prophet

01:25:00.680 Why did he bomb though?

01:25:02.340 To help sell his book

01:25:03.340 Because

01:25:03.940 Yeah he was trying to get press

01:25:06.100 So that's not a good thing

01:25:07.160 So it's completely crazy

01:25:08.460 Other than that though

01:25:09.280 His writings

01:25:10.100 You should definitely joke about

01:25:11.080 Oh my gosh

01:25:11.580 It's unbelievable

01:25:11.980 Highly recommend

01:25:12.560 I'm not even joking

01:25:13.200 Highly recommend

01:25:13.860 And he was definitely not left

01:25:16.860 A lot of people think that

01:25:17.760 He was talking about

01:25:19.180 Just go read his shit

01:25:20.640 He's talking about technology

01:25:22.120 And how horrible it is

01:25:23.800 And wokeism

01:25:24.480 AI

01:25:24.900 Wait till I tell the

01:25:26.160 This joke I'm safe

01:25:27.800 Progressive comedians

01:25:28.480 I'm listening to the Unabomber book

01:25:30.340 Yeah I was on Rose Ampour's podcast

01:25:32.060 Talking about the Unabomber

01:25:34.140 What about these progressive comedians

01:25:36.020 They're as funny as a fucking chapped ass

01:25:38.300 Ain't they?

01:25:39.500 They ain't funny

01:25:40.700 You can't be progressive and a comedian

01:25:42.180 You can't

01:25:43.140 You can't can you?

01:25:44.620 No

01:25:44.840 I think you can

01:25:46.500 As long as you agree

01:25:47.920 That you can make fun of anything

01:25:49.700 You know

01:25:50.460 You just lose me once

01:25:51.760 I mean

01:25:52.140 I

01:25:52.760 The comedy seller

01:25:54.080 There's so many great comics there

01:25:55.500 And

01:25:55.820 And there's comics there that

01:25:57.540 You know

01:25:58.180 There's comics everywhere

01:25:59.100 That just hate me

01:26:00.160 Because of

01:26:00.700 Because I say what I want

01:26:02.060 And that's fine

01:26:03.180 But I can still watch them

01:26:04.940 The ones that hate me

01:26:05.800 And go

01:26:06.040 That was a good fucking joke

01:26:07.540 Even if it's a joke

01:26:08.760 About a short straight white guy

01:26:10.440 If it's good

01:26:11.300 I will

01:26:12.580 I am in the back

01:26:13.600 Like a little kid

01:26:14.400 Me too

01:26:15.620 And so

01:26:16.280 You know

01:26:16.860 But they don't do that

01:26:17.900 No they can't do it

01:26:19.420 I don't know

01:26:19.860 I don't know

01:26:20.240 I don't

01:26:20.480 I try not

01:26:21.760 That's exactly

01:26:22.280 I totally understand that

01:26:24.060 You know what I mean?

01:26:24.660 Yeah because

01:26:25.220 We can appreciate

01:26:26.980 You know

01:26:28.480 The joke first

01:26:30.340 Someone said the other day

01:26:31.300 They

01:26:31.500 They're like

01:26:32.120 I like how you do

01:26:33.800 Yours is joke first

01:26:35.160 And then

01:26:36.420 If someone wants to interpret

01:26:37.880 A political thing

01:26:39.120 Or whatever

01:26:39.640 But I'm not

01:26:40.520 We've brought into

01:26:42.820 The word political

01:26:43.940 Where it's like

01:26:44.760 The girl that broke up with me

01:26:46.200 I sent you the text

01:26:46.980 Sorry

01:26:47.360 I asked a girl out

01:26:48.860 She found my Instagram

01:26:50.360 And said

01:26:50.980 Sorry

01:26:51.800 You know

01:26:52.300 Looks like you're

01:26:53.100 Very political

01:26:53.980 And I can't go down that road

01:26:55.680 You know

01:26:56.020 Best of luck with your endeavors

01:26:57.480 And

01:26:57.900 I had the balls

01:26:59.020 To go up to this girl

01:26:59.860 In a park

01:27:00.400 And make her laugh

01:27:01.380 And get her number

01:27:02.100 And all this crap

01:27:02.820 And I don't

01:27:04.460 I have a joke about

01:27:05.780 Like Biden

01:27:06.400 You know

01:27:07.080 Talking funny

01:27:07.840 It's not about politics

01:27:09.580 So now

01:27:11.040 If you even tell a joke

01:27:12.040 That involves politics

01:27:13.220 Or involves a trans person

01:27:14.740 People go

01:27:15.740 That's a transphobic joke

01:27:17.240 Or something

01:27:17.580 It's like

01:27:17.860 No

01:27:18.160 That's a joke about me

01:27:19.340 Going on a date

01:27:19.960 With a huge black guy

01:27:21.260 In a wig

01:27:21.900 Who tried to fuck me

01:27:22.800 Which happened

01:27:23.520 Did that really happen?

01:27:24.620 Yes

01:27:25.000 Three times

01:27:26.560 I have gone

01:27:27.100 Three times

01:27:27.820 Three times

01:27:28.700 I've gone out with

01:27:29.620 Who I thought was a woman

01:27:31.160 And it turned out

01:27:33.120 To be a man

01:27:33.820 Three times

01:27:34.580 One got back to my house

01:27:35.860 Because I was so unsure

01:27:37.080 And so ashamed

01:27:38.040 This was before I

01:27:39.580 Had any ball sack

01:27:41.580 Huh?

01:27:42.480 Did you Bonaduce him?

01:27:43.860 Remember when he

01:27:44.300 Jake

01:27:44.820 He didn't know

01:27:47.180 Danny Bonaduce

01:27:47.860 You know that story?

01:27:48.720 Brought a hooker home

01:27:49.600 Thought it was a woman

01:27:50.660 Hold her pants down

01:27:51.720 Had a penis

01:27:52.520 And he beat the shit out of her

01:27:53.500 I think that's the actual

01:27:54.600 Murder rate of trans people

01:27:55.920 Is because of the shit like that

01:27:57.200 I do too

01:27:57.640 And it's part of it

01:27:59.040 It is

01:27:59.700 That's not the

01:28:00.160 That's not how they get murdered

01:28:02.160 Their own

01:28:02.780 Some of them

01:28:03.300 Their boyfriends kill them

01:28:04.700 Some of them do though

01:28:05.960 Yeah

01:28:06.200 That you know

01:28:07.060 And I don't feel bad for that

01:28:08.640 Their jerks kill them?

01:28:09.800 No

01:28:09.980 No I would say

01:28:10.820 Yeah

01:28:11.380 I know men

01:28:12.380 That have

01:28:12.840 Think about if you're blackout drunk

01:28:15.340 And you

01:28:15.940 And you see this person

01:28:17.480 Oh I'd kill somebody

01:28:17.660 The surgery is getting real good

01:28:19.160 Yeah

01:28:19.440 Yeah

01:28:19.740 You know what I mean?

01:28:20.880 And so

01:28:21.460 It's fraud

01:28:22.520 It happens especially in cities like this

01:28:24.840 I mean

01:28:25.220 The six foot whatever

01:28:27.760 Five black guy

01:28:28.660 Was at one of my shows

01:28:30.420 And I had to run to another show

01:28:32.740 And a comedian goes

01:28:33.620 This chick thought you were really funny

01:28:35.460 And gave me

01:28:36.380 Her number to pass to you

01:28:38.360 I go

01:28:39.160 Is she cute?

01:28:39.900 He goes

01:28:40.140 Gorgeous

01:28:40.780 She goes

01:28:41.440 She's pretty tall

01:28:42.060 And I go

01:28:42.360 That's fine

01:28:42.860 And we set up a date

01:28:44.640 And I get to the bar

01:28:46.280 And it's dim

01:28:47.940 And I just

01:28:51.360 That jaw looks a little sharp

01:28:53.440 You know I'm slowly

01:28:54.600 I ran to the bathroom

01:28:56.560 And texted my friend

01:28:57.420 I had a full blown

01:28:58.400 Like panic attack

01:28:59.300 Like you knew

01:29:00.980 Or you were guessing

01:29:01.920 I think

01:29:02.360 A man

01:29:03.320 You just had anxiety

01:29:04.580 When a man is near a man

01:29:05.860 There's chemicals going on

01:29:07.000 Absolutely

01:29:07.500 Thank you

01:29:07.920 You know what I mean?

01:29:08.540 Yes

01:29:08.820 I mean not threatened

01:29:10.120 It's fair

01:29:10.540 By you at all

01:29:11.080 But there's more chemicals

01:29:13.260 Coming from your mind

01:29:14.080 We got guy

01:29:21.300 Guy for fury

01:29:22.300 Fury funny over here

01:29:23.560 And so

01:29:25.540 It was like

01:29:27.020 I'm gonna have to kill this person

01:29:28.820 But they're twice my size

01:29:30.720 So how are you gonna do it?

01:29:31.680 And we went outside

01:29:32.540 And she

01:29:33.040 She gets on a telephone

01:29:35.080 Like a

01:29:35.940 I like that you're calling him

01:29:36.900 She

01:29:37.140 That's very respectful

01:29:37.900 And starts like twirling down

01:29:38.280 He

01:29:38.700 Twirling around on a lamppost

01:29:40.620 Like

01:29:40.880 Am I coming home with you or whatever

01:29:43.200 And grabbed me

01:29:44.480 Kissed me on the mouth

01:29:45.440 And I got out of there

01:29:47.780 And I was like

01:29:48.420 I just kissed a man

01:29:49.720 Yeah

01:29:50.180 And there's nothing

01:29:50.960 I can fucking do about it

01:29:52.280 And I liked it

01:29:53.960 I hate it very

01:29:55.060 I'm just kidding

01:29:55.860 No that's

01:29:57.240 She was

01:29:57.820 Not circumcised

01:29:58.960 Let me tell you

01:29:59.640 That scares me

01:30:01.300 And so three times that happened

01:30:03.060 Three

01:30:03.780 You know what

01:30:04.120 Dude

01:30:04.840 Tyler

01:30:05.240 You gotta

01:30:05.780 I mean

01:30:06.220 I know you already know this

01:30:07.160 You gotta get the fuck out of here

01:30:07.880 You need to go on day date

01:30:09.580 Get out of here

01:30:10.880 No no

01:30:12.000 Get to Texas

01:30:12.840 I'm telling you

01:30:13.500 It'll save your life

01:30:14.740 This is not the place

01:30:15.940 But there's a lot of psychos there

01:30:16.780 Yeah

01:30:17.340 Yeah but there are women

01:30:18.060 There's a lot of psychos there

01:30:19.020 But they have vaginas

01:30:19.900 And if you're gonna be crazy

01:30:21.000 You might as well have a vagina

01:30:21.800 You wanna go through that

01:30:22.720 Yeah yeah

01:30:23.200 No they're cool in Texas

01:30:24.500 Like Austin's still kind of a shit-lib place

01:30:26.860 We will

01:30:27.700 Not compared to this man

01:30:29.300 No

01:30:29.540 I'll tell you what

01:30:30.320 We'll vet them

01:30:31.500 It's the fucking purge

01:30:32.120 We'll bring them over

01:30:33.600 We'll have dinner

01:30:34.280 And we'll vet them

01:30:35.060 Oh my gosh

01:30:35.580 Can we make a dating show called

01:30:37.300 God I wish Hannah's sisters

01:30:38.540 I wanted to do a dating show

01:30:40.500 Ask to decide if the girl's too woke for me

01:30:44.080 That would be good

01:30:45.640 We could at least do a sketch

01:30:47.480 Holy shit

01:30:47.920 I'd ask her the greatest questions too

01:30:50.160 Oh well we can film sketches out there

01:30:52.340 I need to compile

01:30:52.960 We need to do sketches

01:30:53.960 I'm telling you

01:30:54.620 Once you get there

01:30:55.160 Your life is gonna change

01:30:55.940 No I am waiting

01:30:56.880 This guy's telling me

01:30:58.100 By the end of the week

01:30:58.620 You can stay with us in Blanco

01:31:00.120 Until you find a place

01:31:01.080 Yeah you can stay with us

01:31:01.340 We would love it

01:31:01.840 We have a guest room

01:31:02.700 Although we have a newborn coming

01:31:03.820 You might not like it

01:31:04.360 Oh you won't want to stay

01:31:05.340 But no you definitely

01:31:06.460 I know I don't

01:31:07.120 I promise you

01:31:07.920 When you get out there

01:31:08.620 It's gonna change

01:31:09.260 Here's another girl I met

01:31:10.260 You want me to just read this

01:31:11.300 Yeah please

01:31:11.740 I mean this is real

01:31:12.540 You wouldn't believe

01:31:13.380 I believe you

01:31:13.880 Let's hear it

01:31:14.600 I met this girl at the airport

01:31:16.120 And I asked her out

01:31:17.460 He talks to him in the wild

01:31:20.640 That's what he said

01:31:21.240 He talks to him in real life

01:31:22.240 It's so fucking weird

01:31:22.900 You gotta

01:31:23.260 Don't do that

01:31:24.500 She said hi

01:31:25.940 Do you perform at 82 Stanton Street

01:31:27.980 And then she said

01:31:28.900 Bro should I do K tonight

01:31:31.040 It's a drug

01:31:33.380 Yeah

01:31:33.740 Mom's gonna ask you

01:31:35.580 For her number next

01:31:36.400 It's

01:31:36.700 It's

01:31:36.720 Roseanne

01:31:39.060 Yeah

01:31:39.440 What time

01:31:40.220 Room 14

01:31:41.040 No that

01:31:41.960 She actually sounds cool though

01:31:43.500 This is

01:31:44.260 No I'm not even joking

01:31:45.060 She wants to do K

01:31:46.000 It's not attractive man

01:31:46.480 That's not attractive

01:31:47.400 I want a wife

01:31:48.360 This is not feminine stuff

01:31:51.020 I'm sorry

01:31:51.620 No I'm with you

01:31:52.800 You know

01:31:53.280 I get it

01:31:54.100 It's not much to be like

01:31:55.620 You want a loving

01:31:56.540 Giving

01:31:57.280 Kind of

01:31:58.120 My life is crazy

01:31:59.800 You want a feminine wife

01:32:01.940 I work

01:32:02.500 15 hours a day

01:32:04.120 Seven days a week

01:32:04.820 Yeah

01:32:05.000 So I can't afford

01:32:06.280 Not

01:32:06.700 And I

01:32:07.380 Again I get the gay dad

01:32:08.680 I'm basically a chef

01:32:10.260 Who can clean and do laundry

01:32:11.380 I don't need a bitch in the kitchen

01:32:12.640 But like

01:32:13.220 I don't need this

01:32:15.000 This

01:32:15.340 There's a lot of success

01:32:17.160 Shaming now

01:32:18.160 Where

01:32:18.940 You're kind of fucked

01:32:20.140 As a guy

01:32:20.780 Where if you're not doing anything

01:32:22.360 You're shamed for being a loser

01:32:24.140 If you're successful

01:32:25.440 You're shamed for being part of this patriarchal made up structure

01:32:28.920 So

01:32:29.300 You can't win in other words

01:32:31.940 You cannot win

01:32:32.700 It's hell here

01:32:33.320 I'm telling you

01:32:33.980 This is Manhattan

01:32:36.380 The shit you're feeling a lot

01:32:38.540 95% of it is Manhattan

01:32:39.980 I promise you

01:32:41.000 It's going to be different

01:32:42.460 And if you don't go to Texas

01:32:43.280 Wherever you go

01:32:43.760 When you get around normal women

01:32:45.160 You're going to be like

01:32:46.220 Holy fuck

01:32:46.880 What was I doing there in New York

01:32:48.120 Well I think it is very man-made in here

01:32:50.100 I've met some in Austin already

01:32:51.380 Just on my short trip

01:32:52.680 Oh cool

01:32:52.700 Yeah

01:32:52.920 And they'll actually stop and like

01:32:54.380 Let you at least

01:32:56.520 Have a chat

01:32:57.440 Yeah

01:32:57.840 It's so odd

01:32:59.000 And Austin's

01:32:59.780 Like I said

01:33:00.300 Austin's liberal for Texas

01:33:02.380 But a liberal in Texas

01:33:04.000 Is conservative here

01:33:05.280 Yeah

01:33:06.260 So even if you get the most lefty in Austin

01:33:08.240 You're still going to feel like

01:33:09.200 Oh my god

01:33:09.600 She lets

01:33:09.960 She's a you know

01:33:11.140 Traditional

01:33:12.160 She trad

01:33:13.000 And then they have

01:33:14.540 Everything to the right in Texas

01:33:16.400 I mean there's

01:33:17.460 Full on trad women there

01:33:19.920 I can't believe how the women are

01:33:22.340 I mean it's really shocking

01:33:24.200 It's horrible

01:33:24.280 No it fucked us up

01:33:25.100 I mean we've both

01:33:26.040 It really did

01:33:26.780 I was raised by a feminist too

01:33:28.960 I mean it's horrible

01:33:30.160 Yeah

01:33:30.820 I was so bitter

01:33:31.540 Then when I see these women

01:33:33.420 A powerful feminist too

01:33:34.680 And they come up to me

01:33:35.760 And they're like

01:33:36.400 These feminist women

01:33:37.780 They come up and they're like

01:33:39.280 You know what

01:33:39.880 Some of them

01:33:42.300 Not all of them

01:33:42.980 Some of them get it

01:33:43.820 But they'll say

01:33:44.480 I'm going to have a little bit of this

01:33:45.680 I'm going to drink a little wine

01:33:46.940 Okay

01:33:47.440 They say like

01:33:48.920 You know I am what I am

01:33:51.460 Because of you

01:33:52.260 You made me who I am

01:33:53.720 That's amazing

01:33:54.580 I go

01:33:55.320 Don't blame me

01:33:56.380 That you're a whore

01:33:57.400 Yeah it's your fucking

01:34:01.720 Oh that's so good

01:34:05.960 Oh my god

01:34:07.040 Can we do that hidden camera

01:34:09.800 And just sit on a street corner

01:34:11.900 Until we get that filmed

01:34:14.040 That is so funny

01:34:15.320 A lot of them

01:34:16.440 It happens a lot

01:34:17.480 I bet we can just

01:34:18.140 I'm going to follow you around

01:34:19.160 I'm going to black out from this

01:34:20.200 Two hours I'm going to call my mom

01:34:22.040 Be like

01:34:22.260 Roseanne thinks you're a fucking bitch

01:34:24.040 She thinks you should have done it

01:34:26.080 I'm so sorry for your childhood

01:34:28.520 That's horrible

01:34:29.980 It's worse than mine

01:34:31.160 Which is unusual

01:34:31.680 It's like everybody had

01:34:33.160 This is why this

01:34:34.480 This identity stuff

01:34:35.680 Is so

01:34:36.380 Damaging

01:34:37.480 It's dangerous

01:34:38.540 Because you never know

01:34:39.060 What

01:34:39.340 Nazism

01:34:39.760 I can look at

01:34:41.120 You and go

01:34:42.260 Oh it must have been great

01:34:43.460 And then I meet your mom

01:34:44.640 And I go

01:34:45.080 You must have been hell

01:34:46.200 You're married to this lunatic

01:34:49.000 And everybody goes to crazy shit

01:34:53.600 No it's

01:34:54.320 That used to be my problem

01:34:55.440 With the whole patriarchy

01:34:56.420 I used to fight

01:34:57.220 I used to fight with her

01:34:57.920 When she was a lib

01:34:58.540 Because it was like

01:34:59.200 You wouldn't believe me

01:35:00.800 And my son

01:35:01.460 The shit we went through

01:35:02.300 Really

01:35:02.720 It's just so

01:35:03.340 It's like everyone wants to be

01:35:04.780 Validated at some level

01:35:05.860 Right

01:35:06.060 We're all in pain

01:35:06.700 On some level

01:35:07.160 So if it's like

01:35:08.060 Oh you don't get to be in pain

01:35:09.280 Because you're white

01:35:09.860 That's racist

01:35:11.020 That's horrible

01:35:11.720 I'll tell you one thing

01:35:13.160 That happened between me

01:35:14.260 And my son

01:35:14.960 Which one is this

01:35:15.880 When he was about you

01:35:16.660 When he was about 14

01:35:18.240 Which says still

01:35:19.160 I threw you up against the wall

01:35:20.880 That's never happened

01:35:21.820 No you was 17

01:35:23.660 I want to hear this

01:35:24.400 You said you was gonna go live

01:35:25.560 With your dad

01:35:26.140 And I threw you up against the wall

01:35:27.480 Remember that

01:35:28.200 No

01:35:28.720 Did you say something to him

01:35:30.060 Or

01:35:30.180 I go

01:35:30.780 Go ahead bitch

01:35:32.280 I says go right ahead

01:35:34.880 To freedom of speech

01:35:36.020 I says go right ahead bitch

01:35:37.980 Go live with your dad

01:35:39.120 But remember one thing

01:35:40.640 You're my son

01:35:43.000 That's what I says to him

01:35:44.880 Yeah you must have went through

01:35:45.960 Remember that

01:35:46.660 When did you get divorced

01:35:47.640 From his mom

01:35:49.060 Which time

01:35:49.380 Mom

01:35:50.220 Get divorced

01:35:50.640 Or my first divorce

01:35:51.760 When did you guys get divorced

01:35:52.920 Oh our divorce

01:35:53.600 No no

01:35:54.180 When did you get divorced

01:35:54.940 We did get divorced for a while

01:35:56.900 But then I

01:35:58.060 Because he married this one girl

01:36:00.220 And I had to break that marriage up

01:36:02.240 Yeah she wasn't good

01:36:03.060 I wasn't having that

01:36:04.220 That's why I'm helping you

01:36:05.280 Because I'm 10 years older than you

01:36:06.700 And you're like a little brother to me

01:36:08.580 See

01:36:08.880 Yeah and so far

01:36:10.520 The date you liked

01:36:11.260 Was a woman doing ketamine

01:36:12.560 In 10 minutes

01:36:13.220 No that was me

01:36:14.600 No no

01:36:15.060 That was me

01:36:15.720 Well I mean have fun

01:36:16.920 I did have fun on that ketamine

01:36:18.760 I didn't think

01:36:19.260 I don't think that's a wife material

01:36:20.600 But that sounds like fun

01:36:21.660 Coffee on a bench

01:36:22.440 Was fun for me

01:36:23.400 Okay so you're at that

01:36:24.340 You want to settle down now

01:36:25.720 You're a fucking

01:36:26.340 No but my life is an adventure

01:36:28.180 You're better than your dad

01:36:28.900 I'm flying around the world

01:36:30.020 Doing comedy

01:36:30.640 It's like

01:36:31.440 A girl's coming

01:36:32.360 Like you get to be a part of that

01:36:34.240 It's fun

01:36:35.020 It's really fun

01:36:35.880 Now wait a minute

01:36:36.780 Let's just cut right to the chase here

01:36:38.940 I know

01:36:39.340 You're talking to a Jewish grandmother

01:36:41.100 That means something in this world

01:36:43.320 Let's just cut right to it

01:36:44.920 What's your ideal girl

01:36:46.600 Let's make this happen honey

01:36:48.140 Yeah

01:36:48.580 Who's your ideal girl

01:36:49.940 Well

01:36:51.480 Because I'm not a super superficial cunt

01:36:54.440 Like most of these women on Instagram and Tinder

01:36:57.320 I don't have these superficial needs

01:37:01.140 You don't want to be fat

01:37:02.200 No who

01:37:04.080 What is your ideal partner

01:37:05.860 I would take like

01:37:07.180 I'm asking you to say it

01:37:08.740 Speak it in manifest

01:37:11.240 Who is it

01:37:13.000 What is it

01:37:13.840 Who is she

01:37:14.660 Well I'll just show you a picture of my mom

01:37:16.260 Ha ha

01:37:17.160 No come on

01:37:18.580 Who is

01:37:19.320 What is it

01:37:20.320 Look

01:37:20.680 What does she look like

01:37:22.420 Men and women like

01:37:23.640 No

01:37:24.020 Just tell me

01:37:25.520 Look

01:37:26.140 Look at me in my face

01:37:27.360 Well it's like

01:37:27.880 Well you

01:37:28.660 Look me in my face right now

01:37:29.960 So this is when I

01:37:30.960 Use my defense mode

01:37:32.580 And I do

01:37:33.080 Look me in my eyes

01:37:34.520 Right

01:37:34.860 Oh you want me to do Bill Burr

01:37:36.120 Look me right in my eyes

01:37:36.320 Oh you shut up you fucking cunt

01:37:37.620 Right

01:37:38.000 Look me right in my eyes

01:37:38.740 I want somebody who doesn't watch Oprah

01:37:40.400 Right

01:37:40.820 Right

01:37:41.840 I want a woman who is

01:37:43.860 A woman

01:37:44.540 Who identifies as a woman

01:37:46.360 Who does not put pronouns in their bio

01:37:48.680 To pander to .002% of the population

01:37:51.360 Which demeans

01:37:52.440 The strength and power of women

01:37:55.040 So you want a free thinker

01:37:55.620 A free thinker

01:37:56.840 Right

01:37:57.540 And you want someone who is kind

01:38:00.400 Well kind is

01:38:02.420 Right

01:38:03.220 See this is what I used to fall for

01:38:04.920 Is kindness

01:38:05.680 No

01:38:06.120 Kind to you

01:38:07.140 Yeah

01:38:07.640 Kind to me

01:38:08.200 But that could also mean

01:38:09.020 Appreciates your talent

01:38:11.220 Yes

01:38:12.060 Appreciates my talent

01:38:12.920 Supportive of your talent

01:38:15.440 Mmhmm

01:38:16.080 Supportive of my talent

01:38:17.760 This does help Tyler

01:38:18.660 What she's doing

01:38:19.320 It does help

01:38:19.760 I'm not joking

01:38:20.400 I know

01:38:20.880 Yeah

01:38:21.220 It's focused

01:38:21.800 And has feminine qualities

01:38:24.920 You know

01:38:25.540 And by feminine you mean

01:38:27.660 A vagina

01:38:28.260 It's 2024

01:38:29.760 What do you mean by feminine qualities

01:38:31.600 I think a woman can carry herself in a feminine way

01:38:34.720 And that means what

01:38:35.920 Well

01:38:36.920 Traditional

01:38:37.360 Just say it

01:38:38.620 Just define it

01:38:39.640 What does it mean to you

01:38:40.580 Okay I'll give you an example

01:38:41.420 To you

01:38:42.120 I had a date recently

01:38:43.300 And the girl had like baggy clothes on

01:38:45.240 It's well bred

01:38:45.840 And it kind of looked like a man

01:38:47.400 And it was a turn off

01:38:48.380 Schwumpy

01:38:49.120 Yeah and then I had a date with an older woman

01:38:51.360 And she was 43

01:38:52.940 Happened to be married

01:38:54.740 I found out

01:38:55.520 Again

01:38:55.920 This city's insane

01:38:56.920 It's just like

01:38:57.620 Yeah

01:38:57.840 It's only

01:38:58.240 Dishonest

01:39:00.400 But she was

01:39:01.480 She looked like a woman

01:39:03.540 She was dressed beautifully

01:39:05.140 You want feminine mom

01:39:06.220 Yeah

01:39:06.660 And I'm not saying like

01:39:07.700 You're talking about

01:39:08.600 Okay you want somebody sophisticated

01:39:10.620 I want someone dressed

01:39:11.800 Who knows how to dress

01:39:12.620 Yeah well bred

01:39:13.180 Keep in mind

01:39:13.780 I grew up around drag queens

01:39:15.940 No no no no no

01:39:16.620 I grew up around drag queens

01:39:18.000 So I'm used to a woman

01:39:19.620 And makeup

01:39:20.260 And lipstick

01:39:20.940 And like

01:39:21.520 Really though

01:39:22.400 I grew up

01:39:23.060 Yeah

01:39:23.500 At drag shows

01:39:24.440 And in Broadway

01:39:25.820 You know

01:39:26.520 That's your first problem

01:39:27.320 And so

01:39:27.900 First of all

01:39:28.840 You're going to blame

01:39:29.520 My patriarchal dad

01:39:30.640 Who is gay as fuck

01:39:31.900 So good luck

01:39:32.840 Pending me on that one

01:39:33.840 Yeah

01:39:34.540 You want a

01:39:35.660 And we're going to help you focus

01:39:36.680 Because this is

01:39:37.260 This will help you meet someone

01:39:38.260 You want

01:39:38.600 Listen

01:39:39.000 You're all over the place

01:39:40.700 And I'm going to help you

01:39:41.760 First of all

01:39:42.380 Let me tell him

01:39:43.160 Yeah

01:39:43.380 Focus

01:39:43.960 What is your sign hon

01:39:45.280 What's your birthday

01:39:46.640 Don't do that

01:39:48.700 It works

01:39:49.180 Don't judge us

01:39:50.240 We're doing signs now

01:39:51.300 Yeah

01:39:51.480 What's your birthday

01:39:52.080 He does a whole bit on this

01:39:53.620 I do it my own way

01:39:54.760 What day were you born

01:39:56.080 Just try it

01:39:56.680 I would like to meet a woman

01:39:58.060 Who does not ask me my sign

01:39:59.620 No no no

01:40:00.540 I sees

01:40:01.760 Huh

01:40:02.220 I knew you were positive

01:40:03.820 Of course

01:40:04.420 Birthday

01:40:04.760 Of course you knew

01:40:05.520 Every fucking person

01:40:07.140 Now what is your birthday

01:40:08.600 March 14th

01:40:09.760 I knew it

01:40:10.380 March 14th

01:40:11.500 No

01:40:11.780 When

01:40:12.360 February 28th

01:40:14.180 Leap year

01:40:15.720 No

01:40:16.680 No

01:40:18.700 There's 28 days in February

01:40:20.560 29th is the leap year

01:40:21.960 Okay

01:40:22.460 But I wasn't even born on a leap year

01:40:24.160 So it wasn't even a close call

01:40:25.560 No one understands

01:40:26.320 I don't understand

01:40:27.200 I thought February was 27 days

01:40:29.340 Somebody who was born in

01:40:30.420 I'm wrong then

01:40:31.100 Somebody who was born in December

01:40:32.660 But on a leap year

01:40:34.560 Could be closer to being a leap year baby than me

01:40:37.080 Okay

01:40:37.480 Forget that

01:40:38.700 February 28th

01:40:39.480 Scrub scrub scrub

01:40:40.060 He's a Pisces

01:40:40.680 So he needs a

01:40:41.480 Okay Pisces

01:40:41.860 Don't edit this out

01:40:42.800 Making her look like a fucking idiot

01:40:43.980 Shut up

01:40:44.000 No we talk about astrology all the time

01:40:45.360 Hey shut the fuck up

01:40:45.840 Pisces

01:40:46.860 So he should be with the

01:40:48.060 No I'm not gonna say

01:40:50.100 I'm not putting no ideas in it

01:40:51.560 I'm just asking

01:40:52.260 He's a water sign

01:40:52.920 To absorb

01:40:53.660 Yeah

01:40:54.020 Water sign

01:40:54.760 And I do like

01:40:56.400 I do like the ocean

01:40:57.460 I like the water

01:40:58.060 I want to be near a river

01:40:59.100 That's not what it means

01:40:59.820 That's not what it means

01:41:01.340 I know but that's just

01:41:02.560 It means you're sensitive

01:41:03.040 It means you're a big softie

01:41:04.400 You cry

01:41:04.820 You probably watch

01:41:05.720 Terms of Endearment and cry

01:41:06.820 You know what I cried during?

01:41:08.620 What?

01:41:08.980 Sully

01:41:09.260 Yeah I cried at Rudy

01:41:11.200 Sully

01:41:11.720 Sully

01:41:12.060 Sully

01:41:12.500 Sullivan

01:41:12.800 That was the mom stuff

01:41:15.060 I've never seen that

01:41:15.860 He landed a plane in a river

01:41:17.020 In here

01:41:17.860 In New York

01:41:18.180 The pilot

01:41:18.580 Tom Hanks played him

01:41:19.340 Remember

01:41:19.580 Oh

01:41:20.180 I can't watch anything with Tom Hanks

01:41:22.440 You would love Rudy

01:41:23.320 Not since he played that football

01:41:25.160 Where he had that love scene

01:41:26.460 Where Tom Hanks

01:41:27.580 Short shamer

01:41:28.140 Listen

01:41:29.120 Small lives matter

01:41:30.360 You fuck

01:41:30.840 Can I say something

01:41:32.100 You always say something

01:41:33.220 I haven't watched a Tom Hanks movie

01:41:35.040 Since he did that love scene

01:41:37.360 With the football

01:41:38.360 The volleyball

01:41:39.660 When I found out he was a baby eater

01:41:43.020 I stopped supporting him

01:41:44.200 No you know when I stopped watching him

01:41:45.920 What?

01:41:46.300 When he said that

01:41:47.120 If you're not gay

01:41:48.060 You shouldn't be allowed to play gay roles

01:41:49.600 And he regrets playing that

01:41:51.100 Philadelphia

01:41:52.020 Guy with the AIDS butthole

01:41:53.200 Yeah

01:41:53.500 I know

01:41:55.360 But

01:41:56.040 You know why I say AIDS butthole?

01:41:58.320 It's because the AIDS

01:41:59.160 Did you guys see the AIDS statue

01:42:00.800 In Palm Springs?

01:42:02.020 No

01:42:02.460 Oh fuck me

01:42:03.440 Look it up

01:42:03.860 What?

01:42:04.960 I love his son Chet though

01:42:07.120 This is what happens

01:42:08.260 Chet is his karma

01:42:09.560 Chet became a Christian

01:42:10.700 Mentally ill people run the country

01:42:12.040 Chet is the greatest

01:42:12.980 This is

01:42:13.360 I can't believe this

01:42:15.520 We want Chet on

01:42:16.480 We love Chet

01:42:16.980 We're gonna have Chet

01:42:17.500 He's a marina

01:42:18.000 This is a real story

01:42:19.780 And this is what happens

01:42:21.220 Again when you let mentally ill people

01:42:22.800 Run the country unchecked

01:42:24.600 This

01:42:24.880 But they never let me

01:42:26.140 And I'm the most mentally ill

01:42:27.760 They don't let me

01:42:28.880 Anywhere near the levers of power

01:42:31.100 And I'm more mentally ill

01:42:32.800 Than all of them put together

01:42:33.860 So keep in mind

01:42:34.480 This is News Channel 3

01:42:35.680 This is a local story

01:42:36.900 Okay

01:42:37.560 So

01:42:38.560 Palm Springs, California

01:42:40.440 They're building a memorial

01:42:41.480 For everyone who died of AIDS

01:42:43.100 And

01:42:43.660 The statue was going to be

01:42:45.880 Of

01:42:46.300 A

01:42:47.000 Giant butthole

01:42:48.540 And it was

01:42:49.100 A gaping

01:42:49.980 Butthole

01:42:50.860 Yes

01:42:51.280 Because that's where you get AIDS

01:42:52.320 So your butthole

01:42:52.800 This is real

01:42:53.940 I believe you

01:42:54.900 And there's two buttholes

01:42:56.660 One was like

01:42:57.320 Super fucked up and sloppy

01:42:58.700 And one like

01:42:59.480 Was a little more artistic

01:43:00.360 Virginal

01:43:01.100 And

01:43:01.400 I go around the country

01:43:02.940 Asking crowds of people

01:43:04.520 If they heard this

01:43:05.360 Because it's

01:43:06.400 I've never heard it

01:43:07.120 So crazy to me

01:43:08.800 But

01:43:09.600 Nobody would challenge it

01:43:10.900 Because

01:43:11.300 You can't

01:43:12.140 That would be homophobic

01:43:13.140 Or whatever

01:43:13.380 See this is what happens

01:43:14.380 When you

01:43:14.720 Is this real?

01:43:16.960 Yeah look

01:43:17.400 He's showing you a picture

01:43:18.200 It's real

01:43:18.700 And there's local news stories

01:43:20.600 But they don't say it's a butthole

01:43:21.860 They just say it's like an art piece

01:43:23.100 Right?

01:43:23.680 No it's supposed to look like a butthole

01:43:25.520 They actually say that?

01:43:26.880 Yes

01:43:27.000 Wow

01:43:27.300 Yeah

01:43:27.580 It has like

01:43:28.500 I mean it's a butthole

01:43:29.660 Yeah

01:43:30.040 No I believe that

01:43:31.000 I thought they would hide that

01:43:31.720 Oh because that's where you get AIDS

01:43:33.080 That's where you get the AIDS

01:43:34.000 Through the butthole

01:43:34.920 And I

01:43:35.300 I propose

01:43:35.980 Well a lot of people get it from

01:43:37.700 You know

01:43:39.200 Intravenous drugs

01:43:40.920 Drug addiction

01:43:42.120 A lot of people get it from

01:43:43.540 Needles

01:43:44.120 A lot of people get it from shooting up drugs

01:43:45.100 Needles

01:43:46.040 Or organ transmits

01:43:47.040 In their butthole

01:43:47.320 Most through their butthole

01:43:48.240 Or eating human organs

01:43:49.980 A lot of people got it from that

01:43:51.540 Okay so how about this Roseanne

01:43:53.240 I proposed that they should do the giant AIDS butthole

01:43:56.980 But above it should be a Dr. Fauci statue

01:43:59.600 And he's got a big vaccine dick

01:44:01.540 And he's fucking the AIDS butthole with a COVID vaccine

01:44:05.440 I like it but he killed both vaccines

01:44:08.620 Yeah he killed a lot of people

01:44:09.760 Well he did create the AIDS virus

01:44:12.420 They say

01:44:13.000 And then you get

01:44:13.680 Roseanne you gotta get your AIDS

01:44:15.480 COVID flu booster shots

01:44:17.860 It's a three in one

01:44:19.840 In case a trans person from Wuhan

01:44:22.540 Fucks you in your asshole

01:44:23.840 It protects you from all three

01:44:26.220 AIDS COVID in the flu

01:44:28.160 You can get that at CVS

01:44:30.040 And get boosted

01:44:31.460 Wait where did he go?

01:44:32.660 I haven't heard of Fauci

01:44:34.060 No but Jack said they executed him at Guantanamo Bay

01:44:38.560 I'm telling you you gotta go to realrawnews.com

01:44:42.480 The Roseanne Barr podcast

01:44:43.740 This is my favorite podcast

01:44:44.580 It's true

01:44:45.120 How did he get away with that Roseanne?

01:44:47.220 I don't know

01:44:47.740 They said they executed Fauci at Guantanamo Bay

01:44:51.800 Along with Garland Testi or whatever his name is

01:44:55.340 What's his name?

01:44:57.740 I don't know

01:44:58.460 Merrick Garland?

01:44:59.420 Jeff Garnish

01:44:59.900 Merrick Garland

01:45:00.600 Wait hold on

01:45:02.040 We were setting him up

01:45:03.360 Fauci

01:45:03.820 Fauci is dead

01:45:06.300 And a motherfucker

01:45:07.320 Jag killed him

01:45:08.740 After his military

01:45:09.780 The war in Ukraine killed him

01:45:10.440 Military tribunals at Guantanamo Bay

01:45:13.980 And then Jag executes him

01:45:15.960 As they say they did

01:45:17.560 Hillary, Obama

01:45:19.000 That's one theory

01:45:20.300 Brennan

01:45:21.120 A lot of people are clicking the dial

01:45:23.220 Jag executed him

01:45:24.520 That's what they say on realrawnews.com

01:45:27.940 They do

01:45:29.780 Wait, what did you hear about Fauci?

01:45:32.100 No, I think

01:45:33.180 He invented AIDS and then he withheld the cure from the people who were dying of it

01:45:38.660 I don't know if he invented it

01:45:40.100 He did

01:45:40.840 And then he experimented on little tiny puppies' heads till they died

01:45:45.580 And black orphans in Harlem

01:45:49.700 That is all true

01:45:50.380 He's a fucking Nazi motherfucker, Fauci

01:45:53.000 He's an actual evil scientist

01:45:54.760 Yeah, he's Mangala

01:45:56.840 It's one of those things

01:45:58.700 I don't believe that we're in a simulation

01:46:00.040 But the Fauci thing makes me go

01:46:02.060 How did he do that during the AIDS thing?

01:46:04.700 Survive it, come back

01:46:05.720 And then push this vaccine

01:46:07.540 And destroy so many people's lives

01:46:09.680 Yeah

01:46:10.000 You know how he did it?

01:46:11.540 So many families

01:46:11.740 They did it with the Donahue show

01:46:13.900 I figured it out

01:46:15.000 That fucking Phil Donahue

01:46:17.740 You're too young

01:46:18.480 You don't remember Phil Donahue

01:46:19.640 With the AIDS or the COVID?

01:46:21.640 Probably the AIDS

01:46:22.080 All of it

01:46:22.480 They started to market intellectual news shows to women

01:46:28.940 Middle class women

01:46:29.980 And it was a real MKUltra thing

01:46:34.480 Because they were

01:46:35.080 The things that they did tell us

01:46:37.580 Kind of hid the other things they were doing

01:46:43.020 So it was always a twofer

01:46:44.460 The thing they were doing

01:46:46.500 Versus the thing they were showing

01:46:48.520 Sure

01:46:49.020 But in the declassified documents

01:46:52.040 It always showed bull

01:46:54.160 I could see that

01:46:56.060 Because daytime talk is tailored to women

01:46:58.460 I mean the Vue

01:46:59.300 The Vue

01:46:59.860 Yeah

01:47:00.240 The Vue's nothing but a bunch of harpies and witches

01:47:03.340 They're nothing but a bunch of satanic witches

01:47:06.160 No it is

01:47:06.740 I know they're witches

01:47:07.640 Because I was a witch when I was a leftist

01:47:09.820 And I went to all the covens with all them bitches

01:47:12.780 Yeah no it is witchcraft all day long

01:47:14.640 And women are home

01:47:15.600 They're witches

01:47:15.900 And they do spells

01:47:17.400 And they sacrifice people

01:47:18.940 They do

01:47:20.340 And they fuck each other

01:47:21.940 And they're not fucking us

01:47:23.380 I'll tell you that much

01:47:23.940 They're not gonna fuck me

01:47:25.060 They tried

01:47:25.560 They're not fucking us

01:47:26.140 But wait

01:47:26.500 Hold on a second

01:47:27.200 They're not gonna fuck me

01:47:27.720 I tell them

01:47:28.900 I'm not gonna fuck any of you bitches

01:47:30.780 What were you saying Tyler

01:47:32.040 Well I think that the Ukraine

01:47:33.540 In my

01:47:34.140 Let them

01:47:34.980 Has still an answer to the Fauci

01:47:36.640 Hallucination

01:47:37.360 Are you good

01:47:38.200 The Ukrainian

01:47:38.380 Russia Ukraine

01:47:39.980 That ended COVID

01:47:41.000 Yeah

01:47:41.600 Yes it did

01:47:42.260 That was a hotter

01:47:43.040 COVID lost to him

01:47:44.160 That was a hotter story

01:47:45.040 In the media

01:47:45.660 And they took it

01:47:46.560 And COVID was gone

01:47:47.620 So Fauci's still alive

01:47:49.100 He just

01:47:49.420 No one gives a shit about him

01:47:50.380 Right

01:47:50.540 Yeah he's still

01:47:51.560 I think he still works for

01:47:52.820 I don't know

01:47:53.420 He's still getting paid

01:47:53.700 I didn't know

01:47:54.320 He's been executed

01:47:55.880 That's what it says

01:47:57.720 Jag executed him

01:47:58.440 He's either been executed

01:47:59.520 Or he's still alive

01:48:00.680 And probably making

01:48:01.600 200k per talk

01:48:03.700 Easy

01:48:04.000 At a

01:48:04.660 100% college

01:48:05.400 Or you know

01:48:05.940 He's probably worth

01:48:06.560 100 more

01:48:07.200 I don't call myself a Trump

01:48:10.220 Okay then don't

01:48:11.420 But if you are

01:48:12.800 You follow

01:48:14.400 Oh god

01:48:16.240 Here we go

01:48:16.840 You don't want me

01:48:17.420 To even go into it

01:48:18.380 This podcast is successful

01:48:19.800 Despite my mother

01:48:21.260 Pass

01:48:21.980 I'm just kidding

01:48:22.660 I'll talk about anything

01:48:23.760 I don't

01:48:24.080 We love all of it

01:48:25.280 I just like

01:48:25.920 I just like to offer

01:48:26.760 I just like to

01:48:27.580 Entertain various ideas

01:48:29.160 That could possibly

01:48:30.280 Be true or not

01:48:31.380 No be open to everything

01:48:32.480 But also

01:48:32.880 We like to entertain

01:48:33.780 The ideas

01:48:34.320 And I like to hear them

01:48:35.820 Right they're interesting

01:48:36.900 I like to hear them

01:48:37.980 Hold on we were

01:48:39.160 Setting him up with someone

01:48:40.020 We had to get back to that

01:48:40.940 And then we gotta wrap this up

01:48:41.820 Oh we need to set him up

01:48:42.860 We went from

01:48:43.400 Find Me Love

01:48:44.000 To talking about QAnon

01:48:45.060 That's the

01:48:45.500 Welcome to Roseanne Barr podcast

01:48:46.740 So you

01:48:47.880 You need to focus

01:48:49.420 On what you want

01:48:50.240 We need to fix him up

01:48:51.080 Well you were telling him

01:48:51.940 Focus

01:48:52.280 I'm actually quite

01:48:53.400 You're too shotgun blessed

01:48:54.580 What does she look like

01:48:56.220 You're trying everything

01:48:56.520 I know

01:48:57.320 So let's

01:48:58.060 How tall is she

01:48:59.380 I don't

01:49:00.200 He doesn't care

01:49:00.920 Okay don't care

01:49:02.060 I don't care

01:49:02.320 She can't be fat though right

01:49:03.960 Visualize her

01:49:05.680 Visualize her

01:49:07.220 What's fat

01:49:07.340 What does she look like

01:49:08.340 Mom

01:49:08.680 Visual

01:49:09.640 Visualize

01:49:12.720 What you want

01:49:13.720 Yeah

01:49:14.020 Visualize it in your mind

01:49:16.000 She was in the limo

01:49:17.000 When I did EMDR

01:49:19.940 Like I said

01:49:20.440 It looked a little bit

01:49:21.160 Like your wife

01:49:21.880 That's a compliment

01:49:22.780 No my wife's gorgeous

01:49:24.280 Dark hair

01:49:24.580 Alright

01:49:24.960 I'm gonna set you up

01:49:25.700 With my wife

01:49:26.200 So like

01:49:27.140 I would love it

01:49:27.960 If you said that

01:49:28.500 Dark hair

01:49:29.640 I think that's what

01:49:30.240 We're aiming at

01:49:31.060 We're talking about

01:49:31.480 Dark hair

01:49:32.320 I don't care

01:49:33.820 About the hair color

01:49:34.880 I don't care about

01:49:35.820 The height

01:49:36.300 The weight thing

01:49:37.440 Is more of a health thing

01:49:38.480 You know

01:49:38.760 I like curves

01:49:40.320 You do like curves

01:49:41.260 I love curves

01:49:42.740 Would you be with Lizzo

01:49:43.880 If she was your soulmate

01:49:44.700 You could do it

01:49:45.920 Be honest please

01:49:47.060 I'm the size of her flute

01:49:48.780 When she's holding it

01:49:49.560 That's what I'm saying

01:49:50.260 You know

01:49:50.680 You could do it

01:49:52.420 Like you could get a rouse

01:49:53.560 For Lizzo

01:49:54.120 If you loved her

01:49:54.780 She could keep me

01:49:55.980 In one of her folds

01:49:57.000 Literally

01:49:57.540 No

01:49:58.080 No one could

01:49:58.820 See I couldn't get a rouse

01:49:59.920 For Lizzo

01:50:00.620 I couldn't do it

01:50:01.240 But I mean

01:50:01.540 Poor Lizzo

01:50:02.920 I wish she would just

01:50:04.260 Get the phobie pouch

01:50:05.480 Like I did Jake

01:50:07.160 I know

01:50:07.480 You need to get another one

01:50:08.300 It's time for an update

01:50:09.300 It's been too long

01:50:11.200 What did you get a pouch?

01:50:13.420 She got her stomach stapled

01:50:14.800 She really did

01:50:15.700 And then I was able to eat over it

01:50:17.640 I think you got it paper clipped

01:50:18.860 Because it fucking popped out

01:50:20.040 Look at

01:50:20.640 Then I was able to eat over it

01:50:22.740 And get on my back

01:50:24.420 It's like a miracle

01:50:25.420 Modern science

01:50:26.360 Well you have to

01:50:28.060 You have to update it

01:50:29.040 Bigger staples next time

01:50:30.400 Maybe

01:50:32.460 No but

01:50:33.680 Okay so brunette

01:50:35.520 You don't care about height

01:50:36.700 Weight

01:50:36.960 I don't care

01:50:37.420 I don't buy the weight thing

01:50:38.720 I don't believe anything

01:50:39.740 You're saying

01:50:40.500 No no no no look

01:50:40.520 Look look

01:50:40.800 You're not being real

01:50:42.360 He's not

01:50:42.980 Be honest

01:50:43.340 I'm gonna read his mind

01:50:45.000 He's a Pisces

01:50:46.280 I like a voluptuous woman

01:50:49.000 What define voluptuous?

01:50:49.500 He likes a voluptuous woman

01:50:51.240 So he likes a Hispanic woman

01:50:54.040 Look

01:50:54.580 I bet you like Hispanics

01:50:56.560 Yeah

01:50:57.900 I'm open to Hispanics

01:50:59.840 I'm open to

01:51:00.780 He's saying he doesn't have a type

01:51:01.780 Holocaust survivors

01:51:02.500 I'm open to anything

01:51:03.280 It's a height waist ratio

01:51:06.280 Biologically

01:51:07.060 Yeah well Hispanics are curvy

01:51:07.900 When you say voluptuous

01:51:09.140 Yeah what does he mean by that?

01:51:10.440 What do you mean by voluptuous?

01:51:11.220 When a woman looks at a man

01:51:12.800 She's looking

01:51:13.300 Can he protect me?

01:51:14.240 When a man looks at a woman

01:51:15.140 He says

01:51:15.480 Can she bear my children?

01:51:17.520 That's true

01:51:17.960 You want the wide hips

01:51:18.880 We instantly calculate

01:51:19.460 They want the wide hips

01:51:20.840 The childbearing hips

01:51:21.960 Waist to hip ratio

01:51:23.080 A real

01:51:23.580 You don't want like

01:51:24.200 Injected ass

01:51:25.180 You might go for that

01:51:26.060 I want it to be natural

01:51:27.260 But you know

01:51:28.000 I like butts

01:51:29.040 Could be Jewish

01:51:30.460 Could be Greek

01:51:31.200 You're a butt guy

01:51:31.400 I'm a butt guy

01:51:32.180 I would go butt over boobs

01:51:33.320 Me too

01:51:33.740 Butt over boobs

01:51:34.640 Butt over boobs

01:51:35.280 And face and personality

01:51:36.560 Butt number one

01:51:37.140 Exactly

01:51:37.500 I'm so short

01:51:38.900 That reminds me of

01:51:40.000 A New York cab driver

01:51:41.380 I'm going up on the women

01:51:42.500 I like that you both

01:51:43.560 Just keep talking

01:51:44.420 No

01:51:45.040 This New York cab driver

01:51:46.420 I was the only podcast

01:51:47.300 Where the host interrupts

01:51:48.460 He was a black guy

01:51:49.140 And he was telling me

01:51:50.300 Because he saw I was mad

01:51:51.580 Or something

01:51:52.140 And he goes

01:51:52.780 You know

01:51:53.820 I'll tell you what

01:51:54.640 I love a woman

01:51:56.300 If a woman

01:51:58.240 She can have the biggest butt

01:51:59.700 And the best smile

01:52:00.540 In the world

01:52:01.140 But if she

01:52:02.820 But if she doesn't have

01:52:08.460 A good sense of humor

01:52:09.360 I'm not going to like her

01:52:10.740 What a prince

01:52:11.740 I just love that

01:52:11.760 The biggest butt

01:52:12.660 This episode is brought to you

01:52:14.300 By ExpressVPN

01:52:15.340 Use code

01:52:16.080 Fatass

01:52:17.040 For 15% off

01:52:17.900 I know

01:52:18.260 I think I'm going to

01:52:19.120 Set you up with someone

01:52:19.740 I think I have an idea

01:52:20.680 Of who

01:52:21.020 Who

01:52:21.520 I'm not going to say it

01:52:23.000 Because I'm not editing

01:52:24.500 This episode

01:52:24.920 It's probably a relative

01:52:25.880 With your sick situation

01:52:27.000 No it's not

01:52:27.700 I would never do that to you

01:52:29.080 I like you too much

01:52:29.900 Listen I say this

01:52:32.120 Like in my act

01:52:33.120 But nobody gets it

01:52:33.920 I want to see you live

01:52:34.940 So bad

01:52:35.700 Okay

01:52:36.200 Can we

01:52:36.680 That would have been fun

01:52:37.740 If we walked to

01:52:38.600 A comedy club

01:52:39.440 She would

01:52:40.040 I'll go with you

01:52:41.340 When you come to

01:52:42.280 What's it

01:52:42.920 Mothership

01:52:43.700 Yeah

01:52:43.940 I'm doing a full weekend there

01:52:45.240 You need to get back

01:52:45.920 On the horse

01:52:46.500 I'm doing a full weekend

01:52:47.300 You want to pop in

01:52:48.060 As a surprise

01:52:48.740 When are you doing it

01:52:50.000 In June

01:52:50.740 That's right

01:52:51.880 Will you guys be there

01:52:52.860 I'll be there

01:52:53.160 We'll be there

01:52:53.700 She keeps trying to go to Hawaii

01:52:55.380 So I got to keep her in Texas

01:52:56.440 I think if you come in June

01:52:57.560 That'll buy me another month

01:52:58.320 If he comes I'll stay

01:52:59.380 I'd have you on it

01:53:00.600 As a surprise

01:53:01.240 And the crowd

01:53:01.700 Is going to lose

01:53:02.760 Their fucking mind

01:53:03.420 They love her

01:53:03.540 Even when she bombed that night

01:53:05.060 They still love

01:53:05.820 She

01:53:06.000 Well I did something wrong

01:53:07.740 Because at the end

01:53:08.700 You can't stop beating yourself up

01:53:09.800 I was okay till the end

01:53:10.780 Where I just had this feeling

01:53:12.600 And I just started preaching

01:53:14.040 I started preaching from Torah

01:53:16.300 Yeah

01:53:16.680 And then after I was like

01:53:17.920 You are always in

01:53:19.560 What's the word

01:53:20.940 Mentally ill

01:53:22.180 You're doing the wrong thing

01:53:22.860 At the wrong time

01:53:23.860 And I started beating myself up

01:53:25.440 Why do you always have to do

01:53:26.980 The wrong thing

01:53:28.100 In the wrong place

01:53:29.020 At the wrong time

01:53:29.760 You don't preach Torah

01:53:31.880 In a god damn

01:53:33.140 Comedy club bar

01:53:35.140 And then you do this

01:53:36.780 At the wrong place

01:53:37.260 That could be funny though

01:53:38.260 You have a little

01:53:40.460 Salotage thing

01:53:40.820 I just want to stay in the right place

01:53:41.800 In the right time

01:53:42.740 And it's hard for me

01:53:43.700 Sure

01:53:44.040 Because I always want to go

01:53:45.100 Hey fuck you

01:53:46.080 You know

01:53:46.680 Well do you

01:53:47.960 I struggle with

01:53:49.480 Because again

01:53:51.280 What I went through

01:53:52.060 Was on a micro level

01:53:54.600 Compared to you

01:53:55.380 But everything's relative

01:53:56.880 Right

01:53:57.260 As far as like

01:53:58.180 The public shaming

01:53:59.940 And the people calling you racist

01:54:01.260 And all that stuff

01:54:01.800 Yeah

01:54:02.220 It really fucks you up

01:54:03.240 So I'm in this thing

01:54:05.240 Where like

01:54:05.800 Now I go out

01:54:06.700 And I do my shows

01:54:07.440 And these are just fans

01:54:08.460 And it's a love fest

01:54:09.440 And I have to make

01:54:10.540 I gotta go

01:54:11.140 Get the wall down

01:54:13.040 Because sometimes

01:54:13.840 I'll go at it

01:54:14.720 A little hard

01:54:15.420 Because I'm used to

01:54:16.800 Having the guns up

01:54:18.580 Yeah

01:54:19.020 You know

01:54:19.740 Which can be useful

01:54:20.880 Because even your own fans

01:54:22.240 Might heckle

01:54:23.260 Or say stupid shit

01:54:24.400 And you gotta be able to do it

01:54:25.360 But you know

01:54:26.560 Have you performed

01:54:27.820 At the mothership?

01:54:29.140 Yeah

01:54:29.400 So I went out there

01:54:30.560 Just to try to get in there

01:54:31.840 I kind of

01:54:32.840 Started over

01:54:34.260 I did what I did here

01:54:36.100 And I was like

01:54:36.580 I'm gonna go

01:54:37.160 And hang out

01:54:37.840 And I got on the

01:54:39.160 The crew show

01:54:40.800 And did the five minutes

01:54:43.180 And then

01:54:43.680 I just kept going

01:54:44.580 I invested

01:54:45.260 Like $15,000

01:54:46.540 Just in being there

01:54:48.760 Over a bunch of trips

01:54:51.340 I had something in me

01:54:52.740 That was like

01:54:53.180 Just don't fly back to New York

01:54:54.740 Go there

01:54:55.280 Just be there

01:54:56.200 And

01:54:57.640 And then

01:54:58.860 The booker saw me

01:54:59.840 And then

01:55:00.420 And then

01:55:01.940 Offered me the weekend

01:55:03.400 Wow

01:55:04.260 There

01:55:04.700 And you know

01:55:06.400 You did well

01:55:07.400 Awesome

01:55:09.400 I think you're great

01:55:10.060 Well coming from New York

01:55:11.700 Yeah

01:55:11.980 To bring that act

01:55:13.300 Where you're

01:55:13.720 It's war every night

01:55:15.280 Yeah

01:55:15.600 I mean even at the cellar

01:55:16.640 Man it's like

01:55:17.400 Sometimes they hijack the show

01:55:19.440 Yeah

01:55:19.880 If it's three in the morning

01:55:21.040 No I've seen you deal with

01:55:22.040 What do you mean

01:55:22.520 Oh they'll heckle him

01:55:23.400 He gets heckled

01:55:24.260 Well at three in the morning

01:55:25.820 At the cellar

01:55:27.020 And it's not

01:55:27.720 You know

01:55:28.700 It's not their fault

01:55:30.240 It's three a.m.

01:55:31.200 And everyone is

01:55:32.320 Is halfway to blackout drunk

01:55:34.260 Yeah

01:55:34.760 You'd have to throw everybody out

01:55:36.420 So I like that actually

01:55:37.880 I do

01:55:38.260 But it is

01:55:38.860 It's

01:55:39.320 It's like a

01:55:40.280 It's war

01:55:40.940 And I do

01:55:41.580 They give me the last spot

01:55:43.240 On the last show now

01:55:44.500 So you mean

01:55:46.140 It's a lot of people

01:55:46.900 Yelling out shit

01:55:47.840 Heckling

01:55:48.400 Oh yelling

01:55:49.340 Getting up

01:55:50.000 Walking on stage

01:55:51.360 Like it's

01:55:52.200 But

01:55:53.100 It teaches you right

01:55:54.820 Yeah

01:55:55.960 I never

01:55:56.960 I never get mad at the crowd

01:55:58.420 It's like being on this podcast

01:55:59.600 Huh

01:56:01.080 It's like being on the podcast

01:56:02.600 With my mom

01:56:03.240 Yeah it teaches you

01:56:04.040 To never do it again

01:56:04.860 You know

01:56:05.520 When I started on my shit

01:56:07.980 You know

01:56:08.560 How old were you

01:56:09.660 When you started stand up

01:56:10.940 Oh my gosh

01:56:12.660 And it was so good

01:56:13.980 Can I just tell you this

01:56:15.160 One last thing

01:56:15.700 Because I was

01:56:16.700 When I was unemployed

01:56:18.180 And I'm on the couch

01:56:19.300 And depressed

01:56:19.900 I started watching your clips

01:56:21.620 From Carson

01:56:22.380 Oh

01:56:22.900 And then I started watching

01:56:25.340 You know

01:56:25.800 The stuff you were going through

01:56:26.980 And I had an idea

01:56:29.320 In my head

01:56:30.120 I go

01:56:30.520 I go

01:56:31.620 You know what would be crazy

01:56:33.060 I saw a photo of you

01:56:34.440 And you don't look

01:56:35.760 Exactly like my mom

01:56:37.120 But I go

01:56:37.700 What would a

01:56:39.160 What a fun movie

01:56:40.900 Script

01:56:41.380 Where

01:56:42.240 My mom loses her mind

01:56:44.240 And I have to take her

01:56:45.800 On tour

01:56:46.320 With me

01:56:46.960 And I thought of you

01:56:48.560 And not

01:56:49.680 Oh that's hilarious

01:56:50.260 And it was like

01:56:51.000 The next day

01:56:51.720 I met you

01:56:53.200 At the

01:56:53.700 At the comedy cellar

01:56:54.860 So I was really

01:56:55.640 Holding in my like

01:56:56.960 That's hilarious

01:56:57.660 Holy shit

01:56:58.440 And I know

01:56:59.800 Jim Brewer

01:57:00.600 Took his dad

01:57:01.320 On the road

01:57:01.880 And

01:57:02.280 He did

01:57:02.720 And I found that out

01:57:03.620 After

01:57:04.000 I didn't know he did

01:57:05.360 He did

01:57:05.720 But the movie would be like

01:57:07.460 Trying to keep my mom

01:57:08.340 From killing herself

01:57:09.160 While I'm on my first ever

01:57:10.720 Comedy tour

01:57:11.500 That's amazing

01:57:13.180 That's so amazing

01:57:14.120 Can we do that

01:57:14.560 With your real mom

01:57:15.200 Yeah

01:57:16.320 I did

01:57:17.640 I kind of did that

01:57:18.480 Did you bring her

01:57:19.100 In a way

01:57:19.620 Well

01:57:19.980 I'd love it

01:57:21.420 I was going home

01:57:22.340 In between

01:57:22.960 You know

01:57:23.940 I was like

01:57:24.300 Going to the psych ward

01:57:25.240 And driving back to New York

01:57:26.260 Doing a show

01:57:26.880 And you know

01:57:27.560 But I

01:57:28.620 But I

01:57:28.980 I had that idea

01:57:29.980 And then

01:57:30.480 There you were in the club

01:57:31.580 And I just thought

01:57:32.320 Man that is fucking crazy

01:57:33.800 I think we should do this

01:57:35.500 I would do it

01:57:36.880 That's a great idea

01:57:37.340 I mean I already found

01:57:38.100 A different actress

01:57:38.860 But no

01:57:39.140 Who is it

01:57:43.060 Lizzo

01:57:43.700 All right

01:57:47.240 I think

01:57:47.600 That fucking Lizzo though

01:57:49.080 I'll tell you what

01:57:50.800 I'll tell you what

01:57:52.220 I'm the one that

01:57:53.060 Bitch

01:57:54.100 I'm the one that

01:57:54.980 Went out there

01:57:55.840 To everybody

01:57:56.660 And I had to take

01:57:57.860 All the shit

01:57:58.400 Where they was going

01:57:59.380 That fat cow

01:58:00.300 That fat bitch

01:58:01.280 That fat cunt

01:58:02.640 That fat Jewish

01:58:03.680 And that was all

01:58:04.420 Just your husbands

01:58:05.100 Okay

01:58:05.480 Yeah

01:58:05.940 That was just a TSA

01:58:08.200 No I took that

01:58:09.600 In all the press too

01:58:11.200 Holy shit

01:58:11.700 And from my husbands

01:58:12.860 Okay

01:58:13.780 I took all that

01:58:15.000 Fat shaming

01:58:15.680 You did

01:58:16.280 Okay

01:58:16.540 But I would say

01:58:17.460 Fuck you you know

01:58:18.460 And here come Lizzo

01:58:20.060 40 years later

01:58:21.580 Going like

01:58:22.660 I'm breaking all the

01:58:24.100 Bounds for the big woman

01:58:25.980 Fuck you

01:58:27.020 I did it

01:58:27.640 You fucking

01:58:28.260 Fat ass whore

01:58:29.780 You fat cunt

01:58:31.240 I think you should be

01:58:32.100 Maybe

01:58:32.280 I didn't ask anybody

01:58:33.040 To shove a banana

01:58:34.040 Up their cunt

01:58:35.000 And eat it out

01:58:35.780 By the god damn

01:58:37.280 Filipinos

01:58:38.280 In the bottom

01:58:39.000 Of the cruise lines

01:58:40.420 Yeah you use

01:58:41.020 Lobster rolls

01:58:41.740 You got lobster rolls

01:58:42.900 Planted around this place

01:58:43.900 Like the god damn

01:58:44.620 CIA is bugging the place

01:58:46.040 Let's get on that

01:58:46.620 But you should be

01:58:47.300 Actually happy for Lizzo

01:58:48.780 That you paved the way

01:58:49.700 For her actually

01:58:50.300 Now I think about it

01:58:50.780 Well she should say

01:58:51.360 Thank you Roseanne

01:58:52.600 Yeah she should

01:58:53.500 You know none of these

01:58:54.400 Black people will

01:58:55.260 Come on my fucking show

01:58:56.440 Alright that's time

01:58:57.220 To wrap up

01:58:58.080 Racist fucking cunts

01:58:59.900 We get black people

01:59:01.160 On the show

01:59:01.460 I know I'm kidding

01:59:01.980 We've had one or two

01:59:03.560 No we've had several

01:59:05.040 We had Monique

01:59:05.780 And Candace

01:59:06.820 We had a lot

01:59:08.120 And I think that's

01:59:09.900 I was on Dr. Phil

01:59:11.620 With Candace

01:59:12.400 For my

01:59:13.020 How'd you

01:59:13.980 When I

01:59:14.520 When I sued this

01:59:16.380 Company

01:59:17.580 For discrimination

01:59:19.180 Who'd you sue?

01:59:20.440 I don't know

01:59:20.760 Oh I'm in a lawsuit

01:59:21.940 Two years I've been in a lawsuit

01:59:23.300 You probably can't talk about it

01:59:24.580 I love it who

01:59:24.840 Well I was

01:59:25.460 Canceled for being white

01:59:26.820 They quite literally

01:59:27.800 Is this real?

01:59:28.500 This is 100% real

01:59:31.320 He can't say

01:59:31.960 Disney?

01:59:32.600 No I can say

01:59:33.360 He can't

01:59:33.880 Many many places

01:59:35.480 It was

01:59:36.060 The second

01:59:37.180 The first wave

01:59:38.480 Of the BLM stuff

01:59:39.520 Yeah

01:59:40.000 In New York City

01:59:41.000 It became

01:59:42.180 Quite common

01:59:43.260 And almost

01:59:43.980 Celebrated

01:59:45.260 To announce

01:59:46.300 We you know

01:59:47.000 We don't want

01:59:47.900 White people

01:59:48.440 Right

01:59:49.040 Comedy shows

01:59:49.880 I remember the first time

01:59:50.900 I heard it

01:59:51.280 Someone goes

01:59:52.120 Yeah there's too many

01:59:52.740 White people on it

01:59:53.580 And I go

01:59:54.080 Yeah what does that mean?

01:59:55.600 Wait that's not

01:59:56.200 Oh my god

01:59:56.740 That's not nice to say

01:59:57.880 Not comics

01:59:58.500 Oh it's

01:59:59.380 No he's in Manhattan

02:00:00.800 He's been in the fucking belly

02:00:01.880 You wouldn't believe it

02:00:02.820 You wouldn't believe it

02:00:03.440 I was removed from podcasts

02:00:05.740 From friends of mine

02:00:07.380 And I

02:00:08.200 By the way this is like

02:00:09.040 The third podcast

02:00:10.000 That I've ever done

02:00:10.540 Nobody will have me on

02:00:11.220 Which is

02:00:12.300 I sound like Trump

02:00:13.020 Nobody will have me on

02:00:14.140 Well now that you've been on

02:00:14.960 I can understand why

02:00:16.240 Yeah but this is me

02:00:18.500 Yeah but this is me

02:00:18.520 Through the ringer

02:00:19.720 I used to be very

02:00:21.140 Oh my god I'm so sorry

02:00:22.040 I was like the perfect guest

02:00:23.320 That's so not the way comedy is

02:00:25.060 Oh I got a text

02:00:26.180 That's fascism

02:00:27.020 That ain't comedy

02:00:27.920 I got a text from a girl

02:00:29.520 Who's now famous

02:00:30.240 And I won't say her name

02:00:31.120 Because I'm not even

02:00:31.660 I'm gonna give her the

02:00:32.340 The you know pleasure

02:00:33.660 But she texted me

02:00:34.760 And this humor

02:00:35.160 She said I have to remove you

02:00:36.320 From the podcast invite

02:00:37.440 Because I can't have

02:00:38.440 White men on

02:00:39.040 Fuck her

02:00:39.980 Fuck

02:00:40.480 And then it happened again

02:00:41.660 Yeah

02:00:42.120 And then my agent

02:00:42.920 Said

02:00:43.620 Can't

02:00:44.480 Too tough for white guys

02:00:45.800 And fired me

02:00:46.820 And then this

02:00:48.260 So I quit

02:00:49.560 I lost my fucking mind

02:00:50.660 Oh my god it's horrible

02:00:51.600 And everyone knows

02:00:52.940 This is happening

02:00:53.660 By the way

02:00:54.300 And then

02:00:55.920 You know

02:00:57.280 COVID hits or whatever

02:00:58.240 I start making videos

02:00:59.340 And I'm like

02:01:00.100 Getting a little confidence back

02:01:01.880 And this agent

02:01:03.180 Or manager reaches out

02:01:04.500 And he goes

02:01:04.800 I've been following you

02:01:05.540 For years

02:01:06.140 You should be on SNL

02:01:08.860 The whole thing

02:01:09.600 The whole spiel

02:01:10.400 You know

02:01:11.380 Which I'm sure you got

02:01:12.160 A lot when you were younger

02:01:13.120 And

02:01:14.140 When I was alive

02:01:15.200 When you're alive

02:01:16.020 When you're funny

02:01:17.420 You know

02:01:17.920 And

02:01:19.260 And then

02:01:20.960 He said

02:01:23.120 You know

02:01:24.880 Something happened

02:01:25.680 Whatever

02:01:26.060 I can't say what it is

02:01:28.320 That's crazy

02:01:29.100 And I waited for seven months

02:01:30.660 Oh my god

02:01:31.800 Seven months

02:01:32.580 Just

02:01:32.860 You know

02:01:33.740 Praying

02:01:34.860 This was

02:01:35.480 Oh my god

02:01:36.520 This was

02:01:37.060 You know

02:01:37.760 Because I've been doing this

02:01:38.900 Since I was 17

02:01:39.600 I put my whole life into it

02:01:41.240 So that's 20 years

02:01:42.520 And

02:01:42.840 And then

02:01:43.600 I said

02:01:44.420 Just tell me the truth

02:01:46.240 I said

02:01:47.380 Just tell me the truth

02:01:48.160 And he called me

02:01:49.080 And

02:01:50.360 He

02:01:50.960 I thought he was gonna say

02:01:52.440 We're ready to work with you

02:01:53.820 And he said

02:01:55.400 We have a problem

02:01:57.520 We can't

02:01:59.100 Represent you

02:01:59.880 Because you're a white guy

02:02:01.320 Jesus Christ

02:02:02.400 And

02:02:02.660 This had been happening

02:02:04.460 For seven years

02:02:05.260 Yeah

02:02:05.580 Right

02:02:06.080 And I was such a fucking

02:02:07.100 Liberal woke

02:02:08.020 Cuck

02:02:08.880 That

02:02:09.280 I just would put my own

02:02:10.860 Dick up my ass

02:02:11.800 And so

02:02:12.680 My therapist

02:02:13.680 Had been training me

02:02:15.100 For a couple years

02:02:16.860 To

02:02:17.980 Get this stuff on the record

02:02:19.520 Oh good

02:02:20.320 So sometimes

02:02:21.060 I would go to do it

02:02:22.120 And I wouldn't

02:02:22.760 And I

02:02:23.060 You know

02:02:23.660 I would

02:02:24.220 Screenshot

02:02:25.120 And I delete it

02:02:25.780 I'm sitting at my podcast

02:02:27.640 Gear

02:02:28.880 And I just hit record

02:02:30.500 I put the phone

02:02:31.240 On speaker

02:02:32.280 And I said

02:02:33.200 Did you just say

02:02:34.100 You can't

02:02:34.720 The only reason

02:02:35.480 You can't hire me

02:02:36.360 Is because I'm a white guy

02:02:37.320 And he's like

02:02:37.820 Yep

02:02:38.100 And I said

02:02:39.620 Is that company policy

02:02:41.000 And he goes

02:02:41.800 Yeah

02:02:43.780 He recorded the call

02:02:46.760 With an agent

02:02:47.760 He claims

02:02:48.200 Turned him down

02:02:48.840 For being white

02:02:49.520 So let's listen to the call

02:02:50.580 Is it a policy

02:02:52.260 Like explicit

02:02:53.680 That they're not

02:02:54.440 Taking on any

02:02:55.540 Like white men

02:02:56.820 Or is it like

02:02:57.880 Case by case

02:02:59.020 On camera talent

02:03:00.360 Stand up

02:03:01.420 Probably not

02:03:02.420 Okay

02:03:03.220 So no

02:03:03.840 So no white men

02:03:05.720 Are allowed

02:03:06.600 For on camera stuff

02:03:08.120 What do we do about

02:03:24.920 Heart surgeons

02:03:25.680 Airplane pilots

02:03:26.880 Like how far

02:03:27.520 Do we want to go

02:03:28.040 With this

02:03:28.480 Do you want

02:03:29.220 The best

02:03:29.840 Heart surgeon

02:03:30.600 Or do you want

02:03:31.200 Somebody who you

02:03:31.880 Think may have

02:03:33.000 Had it bad

02:03:34.060 As a kid

02:03:34.980 Or maybe their

02:03:35.600 Great great grandfather

02:03:36.680 I mean this is

02:03:37.480 It's ridiculous

02:03:38.820 And I was like

02:03:41.420 I went in my room

02:03:43.580 And I just

02:03:44.180 Tore up my room

02:03:45.040 I just like

02:03:46.000 I put my dog

02:03:47.360 In my living room

02:03:47.920 I went in my bedroom

02:03:48.600 And I just started

02:03:49.280 Like smashing stuff

02:03:50.260 Because I was like

02:03:51.260 How is this

02:03:52.340 Fucking happening

02:03:52.960 In this country

02:03:53.560 And nobody has

02:03:55.320 The balls to even

02:03:56.120 Say that it's

02:03:57.620 Not right

02:03:58.300 No they want you

02:03:59.420 To feel that way

02:04:00.060 Yeah it works

02:04:01.280 They're like

02:04:01.620 It nearly took me out

02:04:02.960 You know it was like

02:04:03.880 That

02:04:04.220 I spent like

02:04:06.160 Two years

02:04:06.820 Like a homeless person

02:04:07.920 In the park

02:04:08.460 Just talking to myself

02:04:09.640 I go oh that's

02:04:10.520 What happens

02:04:11.160 I was like that too

02:04:13.220 Fucking stupid white

02:04:14.080 You know I'm like

02:04:14.660 After they did

02:04:15.440 What they did to me

02:04:16.640 Oh I can't imagine

02:04:17.940 I felt like they were

02:04:18.620 Trying to get

02:04:19.380 Trying to make me

02:04:20.260 Kill myself

02:04:21.080 Because they killed

02:04:22.320 My character

02:04:23.100 And their message

02:04:24.500 Was racist

02:04:25.380 It is a murder

02:04:25.500 It's a murder

02:04:26.420 Racist

02:04:27.160 After a lifetime

02:04:28.040 Of being

02:04:28.740 A child of a

02:04:30.540 Holocaust survivor

02:04:31.520 That fought for

02:04:32.760 Civil rights

02:04:33.700 Then call me a racist

02:04:35.300 Those motherfuckers

02:04:36.500 After everything I did

02:04:38.540 To confront race

02:04:39.640 On my show

02:04:40.200 Which they said

02:04:40.960 No you can't

02:04:42.560 Yeah

02:04:42.860 Then they turn around

02:04:43.760 And say racist

02:04:44.540 Those fuckers

02:04:45.340 But

02:04:46.020 You know what I think

02:04:46.980 They don't even get

02:04:47.440 What

02:04:47.760 They don't even get it

02:04:48.460 I wouldn't even give them

02:04:49.880 The

02:04:50.460 The

02:04:51.080 The credit

02:04:52.560 Of

02:04:53.480 Of them

02:04:54.720 Thinking you'd kill yourself

02:04:55.880 I think they're so

02:04:57.200 Well that's why

02:04:57.940 I think they're so

02:04:58.740 Disturbing

02:04:59.620 And brainwashed

02:05:00.460 And

02:05:00.780 Tyrannical

02:05:02.200 And fascist

02:05:02.780 That

02:05:03.420 They don't even care

02:05:04.920 I think it's even worse

02:05:06.460 Yeah

02:05:06.840 I think so

02:05:07.460 That they actually

02:05:08.080 Don't care

02:05:08.800 They don't care

02:05:09.340 This guy kind of

02:05:10.140 Giggled as he said it

02:05:11.420 As to be like

02:05:12.400 It's just not your time

02:05:13.860 Like you were born

02:05:14.980 In the wrong time

02:05:15.720 And I was like

02:05:17.580 How sick to say that out loud

02:05:19.160 Yeah because it's like

02:05:20.320 They hate talent

02:05:21.220 That's number one

02:05:22.380 They hate talent

02:05:24.560 And they hate thinkers

02:05:26.080 And boy they hate

02:05:28.000 Thinkers with talent

02:05:30.160 And white men

02:05:31.380 With big intact dicks

02:05:32.800 And they hate art

02:05:34.320 Yeah

02:05:34.880 And that's a talent manager

02:05:36.940 And they hate dissent

02:05:38.500 It's a talent manager too

02:05:39.920 It's like

02:05:40.500 Yeah they're all

02:05:41.520 A bunch of freaks

02:05:42.280 How's the lawsuit doing

02:05:42.540 Have you ever noticed

02:05:43.900 That there are guys

02:05:44.600 That never get laid

02:05:45.760 In high school

02:05:46.140 I should hire your mom

02:05:47.040 As my lawyer

02:05:47.600 Imagine if Roseanne

02:05:49.000 Walks into the fucking

02:05:49.960 Do you have any idea

02:05:51.200 You fat fucking cunts

02:05:53.080 Do you have any idea

02:05:54.520 How many lawsuits

02:05:55.660 I've paid for

02:05:57.720 She should suit

02:05:58.580 We want her to suit

02:05:59.460 I mean we can't say it

02:06:00.640 Well you know

02:06:01.360 I want to sue everybody

02:06:02.580 Yeah I do

02:06:03.300 I wanted to get in on that

02:06:05.760 Because Elon Musk

02:06:06.780 Says he's going to pay

02:06:07.820 But he didn't respond

02:06:08.380 I'm trying to get on it too

02:06:09.500 I've been like

02:06:10.080 We should all get in

02:06:10.960 It should be a class action

02:06:12.060 Absolutely

02:06:12.480 Right now I'm doing

02:06:14.180 Like a pro bono

02:06:15.120 You know lawyer

02:06:16.120 So it's like

02:06:17.300 I can't really like

02:06:19.160 Call him

02:06:19.660 I can't you know

02:06:20.300 I can't get

02:06:21.080 That's just how it is

02:06:22.660 But the lawsuit's continuing

02:06:23.960 Like you're in the process

02:06:24.960 So it's been years

02:06:26.160 And we just

02:06:27.540 We just got the

02:06:30.000 Deposition stuff

02:06:32.060 So

02:06:32.480 I believe like

02:06:34.280 You know

02:06:35.280 I got the questions

02:06:36.800 That their lawyer

02:06:38.040 Can use

02:06:38.680 Against me

02:06:39.820 Right

02:06:40.300 You know

02:06:40.700 Isn't that cool

02:06:41.780 That you got a pro bono lawyer

02:06:43.440 I mean I really have to

02:06:44.620 Applaud them

02:06:45.320 One

02:06:45.620 In the country

02:06:46.700 In the country

02:06:47.360 That's one I could get

02:06:48.780 I mean maybe

02:06:49.480 If I had the following

02:06:50.720 I had now

02:06:51.340 But this was when

02:06:52.080 I had no following

02:06:53.000 And I just went on Instagram

02:06:54.140 Like hey

02:06:55.360 I was just you know

02:06:56.880 Denied work for being white

02:06:58.260 I recorded it

02:06:59.200 And it took a while

02:07:00.220 And I got

02:07:00.880 I got one

02:07:01.920 Yeah because that's illegal

02:07:03.680 This is a very important lawsuit

02:07:05.100 It's a civil rights lawsuit

02:07:07.060 It's a class action lawsuit

02:07:08.340 And nobody cares

02:07:09.180 Because you're white

02:07:09.700 They're like

02:07:10.000 You have privilege

02:07:10.840 Well that was the thing

02:07:12.700 It's like

02:07:13.460 When I kind of

02:07:14.320 Announced it on Twitter

02:07:15.520 Just because I like

02:07:16.560 Needed to get it out

02:07:17.600 What do you think of Elon Musk

02:07:19.280 Well

02:07:20.980 A little bit on the spectrum

02:07:23.100 So

02:07:24.360 He's pretty cool

02:07:25.840 You know

02:07:26.600 But he's removing

02:07:28.500 A lot of important parts

02:07:29.340 Of the cost

02:07:29.920 He's taking away

02:07:31.020 The door handles

02:07:31.640 Jake

02:07:31.920 We don't need

02:07:32.340 The door handles anymore

02:07:33.200 Because we'll save

02:07:34.700 About $8 per car

02:07:35.880 So

02:07:36.380 It's pretty cool

02:07:38.460 Pretty cool

02:07:39.060 I think Elon

02:07:39.940 Is

02:07:40.340 Important

02:07:42.120 For free speech

02:07:43.060 And

02:07:44.400 But he's

02:07:45.000 You know

02:07:45.240 He's a

02:07:45.840 He's got that mind

02:07:47.640 That's like us

02:07:48.820 Where he just

02:07:49.320 Not to say I'm as smart as him

02:07:50.800 But that

02:07:51.340 He's out there

02:07:52.460 It's just going

02:07:53.280 And so

02:07:53.840 Yeah it keeps

02:07:54.500 You have to like

02:07:55.840 Understand that about him

02:07:57.400 And go

02:07:57.900 Of course he's gonna

02:07:58.780 He's a thinker

02:07:59.520 And he's gonna make

02:08:00.400 Major

02:08:01.080 Take major risks

02:08:02.520 For the sake of freedom

02:08:04.700 But he also fucking earned it

02:08:05.860 It's his

02:08:06.320 It's his money

02:08:07.320 And it's his

02:08:08.160 Mind and body

02:08:09.960 That is taking the risk

02:08:11.080 He doesn't do these

02:08:12.080 Without consequence

02:08:13.060 No he doesn't

02:08:14.260 Imagine

02:08:14.700 Imagine there was

02:08:16.140 5,000 people

02:08:17.600 In the room next door

02:08:18.740 Dependent on this

02:08:19.740 Going well

02:08:20.660 And working properly

02:08:22.020 Yeah

02:08:22.440 You'd be

02:08:23.260 Fucking

02:08:23.840 You wouldn't sleep at night

02:08:25.140 No

02:08:25.700 People think they can like

02:08:26.980 Manage companies

02:08:27.960 And run things

02:08:29.060 Run the

02:08:29.900 NYPD

02:08:31.000 How it should be run

02:08:32.480 Yeah go manage

02:08:34.140 Like tens of thousands

02:08:35.220 Of people

02:08:35.820 Who are getting

02:08:36.540 You know

02:08:37.040 Shot at

02:08:37.680 I actually had

02:08:39.980 That thought today

02:08:40.760 When I was walking

02:08:41.400 Down the streets

02:08:42.020 Here in New York

02:08:42.780 About

02:08:43.760 How kind of

02:08:46.040 Miraculous it is

02:08:47.320 That more shit

02:08:48.440 Doesn't go wrong

02:08:49.560 Yeah

02:08:50.080 You know

02:08:50.780 That like more people

02:08:52.080 Are crashing into walls

02:08:53.680 And friggin

02:08:54.380 More shit ain't on fire

02:08:56.100 You know

02:08:56.660 Bikes

02:08:57.140 Cars

02:08:57.900 Plane

02:08:58.660 I mean like

02:08:59.300 Yeah yeah

02:08:59.800 It's pretty amazing

02:09:00.880 That it keeps together

02:09:02.020 As well as it does

02:09:03.120 With all the idiots

02:09:04.980 Involved

02:09:05.920 And drunkards

02:09:06.840 And drug addicts

02:09:07.720 And fucking

02:09:08.240 Crazy asses

02:09:09.860 But we are on that

02:09:10.980 Real tight rope

02:09:12.140 Where we're giving

02:09:13.020 The power to

02:09:14.120 Homeless

02:09:15.420 Drug addicts

02:09:16.320 And illegal immigrants

02:09:17.400 And people are starting to

02:09:19.040 I think that's going to

02:09:19.880 Shift a lot of

02:09:20.800 Left people

02:09:22.000 To the middle

02:09:22.960 I think it needs to

02:09:24.660 And I hope it does

02:09:25.880 Because

02:09:26.560 It has to

02:09:27.980 It is

02:09:29.060 But that's

02:09:29.880 That's why

02:09:30.800 Giuliani got into

02:09:32.000 Power

02:09:32.400 There was a democrat

02:09:34.060 Before Giuliani

02:09:35.080 There was a democrat

02:09:36.420 Before that

02:09:37.080 Then it was

02:09:37.400 It's like two democrats

02:09:38.840 Two republicans

02:09:39.440 It just goes like this

02:09:40.980 Well you know

02:09:41.320 My friend was

02:09:42.260 Gore Vidal

02:09:43.080 Do you know who he was?

02:09:44.440 No

02:09:44.620 Yeah

02:09:45.540 He was quite a great writer

02:09:46.960 A very good friend

02:09:47.960 And he

02:09:48.880 He had written a book

02:09:50.240 About America

02:09:51.120 And he said

02:09:51.900 You know

02:09:52.700 There's not two parties

02:09:54.200 There's only one party

02:09:55.360 And it's the money party

02:09:56.840 And you know

02:09:58.120 It puts a democrat

02:09:59.360 In for a while

02:10:00.700 Till the people get tired

02:10:02.040 And they say

02:10:02.700 Throw the bums out

02:10:04.260 So then they put

02:10:05.060 A republican in the window

02:10:06.580 Till the people get tired

02:10:08.140 Of being ripped off

02:10:09.260 And then they say

02:10:10.000 Throw the bums out

02:10:11.080 So they put a democrat

02:10:12.460 Back in the window

02:10:13.520 Till the people get tired

02:10:14.720 Of getting ripped off

02:10:15.640 And they put a mentally

02:10:16.400 Retarded mayor in charge

02:10:17.720 Yeah

02:10:18.460 It's just

02:10:19.380 All to rip off

02:10:20.720 Taxpayers

02:10:22.060 And to take more

02:10:23.540 And more rights

02:10:24.260 Away from

02:10:25.500 The voters

02:10:26.240 And the taxpayers

02:10:27.300 I'd say the city

02:10:27.900 Was objectively better

02:10:29.260 With Giuliani

02:10:30.580 A thousand percent

02:10:31.500 And then

02:10:32.360 Bloomberg

02:10:33.180 But we interviewed

02:10:34.400 Rudy

02:10:35.020 And you know

02:10:36.160 We

02:10:36.940 Well indelibly have

02:10:39.100 I would put him back

02:10:40.080 As mayor today

02:10:40.920 Yeah

02:10:41.360 We have it indelibly

02:10:42.820 Etched in our mind

02:10:43.760 9-1-1

02:10:44.600 And Rudy

02:10:45.300 America's mayor

02:10:47.280 And whatever he did

02:10:48.440 After

02:10:48.820 But that day of crisis

02:10:50.140 He was America's mayor

02:10:52.420 You know

02:10:52.920 But even before then

02:10:53.860 He cleaned up the city

02:10:54.980 This city was like

02:10:56.340 Before Giuliani

02:10:57.520 It was like how it is now

02:10:58.660 I was thinking that today

02:11:00.180 When I walked through

02:11:00.740 I was like

02:11:00.960 This feels like

02:11:01.740 New York pre-Giuliani

02:11:02.920 It's about exactly the same

02:11:04.480 It is almost that

02:11:04.640 I think it's gonna surpass it

02:11:06.420 It is

02:11:06.800 It's much darker

02:11:07.360 Because again

02:11:07.800 You can't just put

02:11:08.740 Armed guards in the subway

02:11:10.000 Like

02:11:10.340 It's like

02:11:11.060 Yeah you can't have a gun

02:11:12.180 But you can have your penis out

02:11:13.620 Open carry

02:11:14.360 And people are walking

02:11:15.380 And it's like

02:11:16.020 You think the homeless people

02:11:17.940 Give a shit about a national guard

02:11:19.440 No

02:11:19.940 And you can't defend

02:11:21.780 Well I don't want to get into it

02:11:23.100 What

02:11:23.280 I was thinking today

02:11:25.040 Because I

02:11:25.620 You know

02:11:26.100 I'm crazy

02:11:26.900 I'm like

02:11:27.260 What if someone attacks my mom

02:11:28.700 And I gotta handle myself

02:11:30.600 Like I'm scared here

02:11:31.660 Like if I fucking

02:11:32.500 Rear naked choke a guy out

02:11:33.860 Like I'm going to prison

02:11:34.700 Yeah

02:11:35.320 Here

02:11:35.740 Like it's

02:11:36.300 I don't feel safe here

02:11:37.420 On any level

02:11:38.200 The guy

02:11:38.680 Patrick

02:11:39.260 Something

02:11:39.820 Yeah

02:11:40.760 Neely or whatever

02:11:41.940 Yeah

02:11:42.400 I was trying

02:11:43.220 The Michael Jackson

02:11:44.160 Impersonator

02:11:46.220 Who

02:11:46.580 Who was

02:11:47.680 I used to see him

02:11:48.940 On the subway

02:11:49.620 Oh really

02:11:50.220 He was not a good

02:11:51.160 Michael Jackson impersonator

02:11:52.420 That's the worst

02:11:53.120 He wasn't good

02:11:53.860 He wasn't funny at all

02:11:55.040 But then

02:11:55.620 But he was arrested once

02:11:57.760 For trying to kidnap

02:11:58.760 A seven year old boy

02:11:59.900 And I was like

02:12:00.500 Actually a pretty good

02:12:01.460 Michael Jackson

02:12:01.860 That's true

02:12:04.360 That's true

02:12:06.640 Yeah

02:12:07.220 I was like

02:12:08.040 Maybe he's the best

02:12:09.300 The Daniel Day-Lewis

02:12:12.640 Of Michael Jackson

02:12:13.840 Method acting

02:12:14.340 But he really did

02:12:15.660 And you look at his history

02:12:16.620 And this guy was a total sicko

02:12:18.240 And a pedophile

02:12:18.840 And all his shit

02:12:19.340 And it's like

02:12:20.420 They

02:12:20.680 Democrat voter

02:12:21.620 Discredited

02:12:22.060 Military white guy

02:12:24.000 Kills

02:12:24.960 You know

02:12:25.260 Murders black guy

02:12:26.340 Yeah

02:12:26.780 Yeah

02:12:27.680 Their narrative

02:12:28.540 They're so embedded

02:12:29.980 You know what sucks

02:12:30.420 That Michael Jackson died

02:12:31.700 When he was white

02:12:32.460 Because we have to pay the bill

02:12:33.760 For all his sick shit

02:12:34.700 That is true

02:12:35.420 That's shitty timing

02:12:36.360 Well how about all the rapists

02:12:38.540 That say they're women

02:12:39.680 And then they say

02:12:41.440 Women are rapists

02:12:42.660 Hey Karen

02:12:43.420 Nice to meet you

02:12:44.120 No but I'm telling you

02:12:45.760 No I know

02:12:46.340 They go to women's prison

02:12:47.580 Then they rape all the women

02:12:48.860 In there too

02:12:49.440 And impregnate them

02:12:50.380 Because they're women

02:12:51.740 Women can impregnate

02:12:53.720 Other women

02:12:54.420 You know that

02:12:55.260 They're fucking all nuts

02:12:57.020 I can't wait

02:12:58.280 Till they drop the age

02:12:59.540 Bob on the whole

02:13:00.480 Fucking planet

02:13:01.360 I can't fucking

02:13:03.440 I can't wait

02:13:04.080 Well they kind of are

02:13:05.620 This is a

02:13:06.540 This is a slow suicide

02:13:08.080 It is

02:13:08.660 When you have

02:13:09.100 Over 50% of women

02:13:10.720 Not having kids

02:13:11.580 Yeah

02:13:12.000 And that's what happened

02:13:13.980 In Japan

02:13:14.320 This is why I'm

02:13:15.300 Look at Japan right now

02:13:15.920 They're in a

02:13:16.320 They're in a

02:13:16.780 Literal crisis

02:13:17.880 You die

02:13:18.580 You can't keep up

02:13:19.880 With the supply

02:13:21.000 They did it on purpose

02:13:21.960 Of course they did

02:13:23.180 But we're doing it

02:13:24.320 I don't know

02:13:25.780 If it's on purpose

02:13:26.480 It is

02:13:27.200 It's all on purpose

02:13:27.380 I think enough people

02:13:28.000 Were brainwashed

02:13:28.960 They need to depopulate

02:13:31.720 You don't think it's just

02:13:33.600 A moral superiority

02:13:35.320 That's gotten out of hand

02:13:37.480 To go look at me

02:13:38.440 I don't need a man

02:13:40.020 I don't need to date

02:13:40.760 I don't need to have kids

02:13:41.440 Because it's bad for the planet

02:13:42.480 They're so fucking dumb

02:13:43.760 They're not thinking that

02:13:44.780 If you drop 50%

02:13:46.560 You actually can't operate

02:13:47.980 The country

02:13:48.800 And then you just die

02:13:50.080 Or China can now

02:13:51.880 Overpower us

02:13:52.820 Which they are

02:13:54.020 Yeah

02:13:54.460 Because they're in our phones

02:13:55.540 As my uncle Larry

02:13:56.900 Killing us on TikTok

02:13:57.220 As my uncle Larry

02:13:58.760 Said when I was

02:13:59.860 But seven years old

02:14:01.300 My uncle Larry

02:14:01.960 Was a lifer in the army

02:14:03.460 Which was strange

02:14:05.520 For Jewish people

02:14:06.280 Not as strange

02:14:07.000 As you might think

02:14:07.900 But my uncle Larry

02:14:09.580 Said to all of us

02:14:10.940 Jewish children

02:14:12.020 There on Passover

02:14:13.080 He said

02:14:13.740 You Jewish kids

02:14:15.240 If you mind

02:14:16.720 Your P's and Q's

02:14:18.200 When you grow up

02:14:19.960 You might be

02:14:21.100 Lucky enough

02:14:22.180 To get jobs

02:14:23.620 As gardeners

02:14:24.700 For the Chinese

02:14:26.080 Wow

02:14:26.780 That's what he said

02:14:28.020 When I was little

02:14:28.860 And I'm like

02:14:29.600 God damn

02:14:30.260 He was totally right

02:14:31.820 Well instead of gardening

02:14:33.040 It's you doing

02:14:34.500 You know

02:14:34.840 Dances on TikTok

02:14:35.840 I mean that all is

02:14:37.220 Empowering the Chinese

02:14:39.840 Yeah

02:14:40.280 Right

02:14:40.800 They're emasculating

02:14:42.060 Boys and men

02:14:43.580 And they're turning

02:14:44.320 Women into men

02:14:45.360 And they're

02:14:46.700 They're sexualizing girls

02:14:48.060 And everything is

02:14:48.900 Is pornographic

02:14:49.980 Even Instagram

02:14:50.540 It's so pornographic

02:14:51.540 I'm gonna fix it

02:14:52.940 I told Jake

02:14:54.480 And all these people

02:14:55.460 I'm gonna fix that

02:14:56.640 You're gonna kill the Chinese

02:14:57.220 I'm gonna fix this

02:14:58.560 Whole porno industry

02:15:00.200 By doing porn

02:15:01.520 Yep

02:15:02.060 Right Jake

02:15:04.340 Alright

02:15:04.640 I'm starting my own

02:15:06.100 Only thing

02:15:06.320 I'll do it with you

02:15:07.540 That's gonna fucking

02:15:08.640 Take this shit out

02:15:10.360 I think you might

02:15:11.300 If someone accidentally

02:15:12.300 Stumbled on one of your videos

02:15:13.380 They might never

02:15:14.320 Research porn again

02:15:14.940 That's right

02:15:15.220 They'll block that shit

02:15:16.400 Out as fast as

02:15:17.360 If I put on a hijab

02:15:19.000 We'll do it

02:15:19.540 They'll illegalize that shit too

02:15:20.420 Roseanne Barr rapes Peter Dinklage

02:15:22.420 Who's that?

02:15:25.140 The little person

02:15:26.340 Short guy from

02:15:26.860 Little person

02:15:27.860 Good save

02:15:28.300 Little person from Game of Thrones

02:15:29.820 Game of Thrones

02:15:30.240 He's a

02:15:30.760 I have a joke

02:15:32.220 Oh he's a good actor

02:15:33.080 Isn't he?

02:15:33.780 Brilliant

02:15:34.000 He's a great actor

02:15:34.800 God he's a great actor

02:15:35.880 He's brilliant

02:15:36.220 But he kind of fucked

02:15:37.080 The little people

02:15:37.920 Some I don't like to say community

02:15:39.880 I think if you're an adult

02:15:41.340 Who claims to be in a community

02:15:42.680 You're a child

02:15:43.220 You're fucked up

02:15:44.000 If your community's not

02:15:44.920 Your family

02:15:46.000 And some friends

02:15:47.240 Well said

02:15:47.840 It's really sick

02:15:48.620 Isn't that right?

02:15:49.680 Anyways

02:15:50.040 There's no gay community

02:15:51.180 Well I guess there's a gay community

02:15:52.920 Yeah

02:15:53.420 I guess there's a Jewish community

02:15:55.380 Well this came up at my

02:15:56.580 Short Kings community meeting

02:15:57.780 The other day

02:15:58.220 I get it

02:15:58.880 I'm in a fat Jew bitch community

02:16:01.200 You're the entire community

02:16:03.000 He said that

02:16:03.940 He's

02:16:04.700 So you remember

02:16:05.680 Where's Wizard of Oz?

02:16:07.820 Yeah I was

02:16:08.360 I played the Wicked Witch

02:16:09.860 Oh no

02:16:10.340 The Seven Dwarfs

02:16:11.400 Snow White

02:16:12.980 Did you see how they leaked

02:16:14.140 Some stuff about it

02:16:15.520 And it was very like

02:16:16.540 Anti-family

02:16:17.420 Anti-man

02:16:18.180 And they

02:16:18.620 So there was some stuff leaked from it

02:16:21.460 From what?

02:16:22.920 From

02:16:23.360 The remake

02:16:23.980 From the remake

02:16:24.900 And I believe

02:16:26.120 Of what?

02:16:27.260 Snow White

02:16:27.660 Snow White

02:16:28.080 They're remaking it

02:16:29.000 Like a live action

02:16:30.120 Yeah

02:16:30.620 I didn't know that

02:16:31.680 They remake it all the time

02:16:32.680 Yeah

02:16:33.000 So like you know

02:16:34.120 Snow White's like a Native American

02:16:35.800 Or you know

02:16:36.300 She's not white anymore

02:16:37.320 And that's fine

02:16:38.060 But Peter Dinklage said

02:16:40.340 That the dwarves

02:16:41.160 Shouldn't be dwarves

02:16:42.220 Yeah

02:16:42.500 And this whole group

02:16:44.760 Of dwarf actors

02:16:45.800 I don't want to speak for all

02:16:46.960 Of them

02:16:47.060 Were really pissed

02:16:47.940 Because they're like

02:16:48.460 We have a limited

02:16:49.620 Batch of roles

02:16:51.060 Right

02:16:51.560 And so it was leaked

02:16:53.440 That they hired

02:16:54.380 Like some were animation

02:16:56.380 Some were tall

02:16:57.760 Like

02:16:58.200 And Peter Dinklage

02:17:00.420 Kind of backed that

02:17:01.380 There was this whole

02:17:02.160 Kind of backfire

02:17:02.940 So he's a turncoat

02:17:04.040 They're

02:17:04.440 They've turned on him now

02:17:05.420 Yes

02:17:06.260 Jesus

02:17:06.940 Well the one with

02:17:07.840 I don't want to say all of them

02:17:08.940 Because I don't want to say

02:17:09.740 What is he trying to say with that

02:17:11.160 What does he do

02:17:12.340 I say

02:17:12.940 The way America works is

02:17:14.620 Everybody has to turn on

02:17:16.820 The people who look like them

02:17:18.820 To make it

02:17:19.760 It's tokenism

02:17:20.560 You have to be the

02:17:21.940 Yeah

02:17:22.260 It's the

02:17:22.860 Oh it's so sickening

02:17:24.180 I always say to my crowd

02:17:25.400 And I walk out

02:17:26.020 And I go

02:17:26.320 It looks like January 5th in here

02:17:28.700 What does that mean

02:17:30.360 Like we're all preparing

02:17:31.400 To storm the Capitol

02:17:32.320 They love it though

02:17:34.220 I don't even get that

02:17:35.620 January 6th thing

02:17:36.960 Well like

02:17:37.420 I say that I have

02:17:38.740 Resting January 6th

02:17:39.800 Yeah it's one of my

02:17:40.580 Favorite kids

02:17:41.080 It's like how people

02:17:41.840 Will just

02:17:42.520 They'll profile you

02:17:45.180 And go

02:17:45.500 Well white man beard

02:17:46.720 And a red hat

02:17:47.560 He's a Trumpy

02:17:48.440 Oh a red hat

02:17:49.400 Yeah I know

02:17:49.860 So I tell my crowd

02:17:50.680 It looks like January 5th

02:17:52.000 Like we're all at a meeting

02:17:52.980 Kind of planning

02:17:53.700 You know

02:17:55.640 I don't even get

02:17:57.640 Anything that media

02:17:59.160 Is doing to us

02:18:00.080 Except for knowing

02:18:01.440 That they're lying

02:18:02.340 About every god damn thing

02:18:03.860 Well don't you think

02:18:05.660 Or do you think

02:18:06.680 Rather

02:18:07.060 I just know

02:18:08.240 Everything's a lie

02:18:09.240 That the media's

02:18:10.500 Become so watered down

02:18:12.100 Because of social media

02:18:13.320 That they're just

02:18:14.000 Have to polarize everything

02:18:15.380 And it's money

02:18:16.220 It comes down to money

02:18:17.140 That's actually

02:18:17.640 A really good point

02:18:18.320 It's like

02:18:18.600 Look at what does well

02:18:20.220 It's

02:18:21.240 It's

02:18:21.540 To be competitive

02:18:22.160 It's

02:18:22.900 Compilations of

02:18:24.400 Joe Rogan

02:18:25.460 Using the n-word

02:18:26.740 Because he was

02:18:27.480 Quoting something

02:18:28.300 Where it was

02:18:29.100 Which I still

02:18:29.960 Think is ridiculous

02:18:31.860 That you know

02:18:33.120 He got so

02:18:34.060 So much heat

02:18:35.580 For that

02:18:35.980 So the media

02:18:37.760 Has to do that

02:18:38.640 They have to find

02:18:39.380 These stores

02:18:39.820 Joe Rogan's on horse

02:18:40.740 Pills

02:18:41.020 Everything is

02:18:41.920 Polarized

02:18:43.320 Because they're

02:18:44.220 Dying

02:18:44.620 The media's

02:18:45.160 Dying

02:18:45.500 I never thought

02:18:46.380 About that

02:18:46.580 They've got to

02:18:46.960 Get the clicks

02:18:47.820 Right

02:18:48.180 Yeah

02:18:48.560 I mean

02:18:48.820 We knew

02:18:49.240 That's why

02:18:49.700 Gutfeld

02:18:50.160 Is the number

02:18:51.920 One comedy

02:18:52.920 I know

02:18:53.340 Who

02:18:53.960 I want to

02:18:54.440 Talk to him

02:18:55.020 About that

02:18:55.740 He's coming

02:18:56.100 Tomorrow night

02:18:56.620 That Fox News

02:18:57.980 Would be the

02:18:59.240 Number one

02:18:59.820 Comedy show

02:19:00.920 Yeah

02:19:01.320 I know

02:19:02.040 In the number

02:19:02.700 One free speech

02:19:03.800 Comedy epicenter

02:19:04.720 Of the world

02:19:05.360 I would have

02:19:06.040 Punched you in the face

02:19:06.900 Me too

02:19:07.300 Because I was

02:19:08.100 This is a great

02:19:08.720 Question to ask

02:19:10.080 Yeah he's coming

02:19:10.700 Tomorrow night

02:19:11.060 The only place

02:19:11.340 That I can go

02:19:12.140 On TV

02:19:12.680 Is fucking Fox News

02:19:14.560 Right

02:19:14.920 I'm on there all the time

02:19:16.220 And I'm thrilled

02:19:17.120 Because

02:19:17.440 On Greg's show

02:19:18.360 Or all over

02:19:19.260 Fox News

02:19:19.580 I do all of it

02:19:20.780 Oh excellent

02:19:21.440 I never watch it

02:19:23.300 Because I

02:19:23.900 You know

02:19:25.540 Can't even know

02:19:26.620 How to turn

02:19:27.160 My fucking TV on

02:19:28.660 Because there's

02:19:29.940 Too many buttons

02:19:30.940 It's really funny

02:19:31.100 Well it's because

02:19:32.200 You're on the internet

02:19:32.960 Going oh they're

02:19:33.880 Fucking

02:19:34.240 Just killed him

02:19:35.360 At Jag

02:19:35.700 I can't turn a TV on

02:19:37.020 If my life depended

02:19:38.400 On it

02:19:38.880 I'm serious

02:19:39.540 Or a man

02:19:40.040 I think

02:19:40.900 Sorry

02:19:41.240 What

02:19:42.520 Nothing

02:19:43.280 Stupid joke

02:19:44.140 But the show

02:19:45.740 There's no

02:19:46.800 What shows do you go on

02:19:47.960 I go on

02:19:48.440 So I used to

02:19:50.020 I used to secretly

02:19:51.140 Go on Fox News

02:19:52.060 And a white fan

02:19:52.800 Would pull up to my house

02:19:53.620 See this is how

02:19:54.420 Closeted I was

02:19:55.320 As I'm

02:19:55.800 I'm coming out

02:19:57.020 As not a Republican

02:19:58.600 But as someone that

02:19:59.780 Really values free speech

02:20:01.580 Uh huh

02:20:02.180 That's what we gotta all be

02:20:03.560 That's it

02:20:04.100 That's why I go on Fox

02:20:04.780 No matter where we are

02:20:05.820 On the political spectrum

02:20:06.400 Tell them what you are

02:20:07.260 Mom

02:20:07.400 You're a

02:20:09.520 Radical

02:20:10.780 Constitutionalist

02:20:11.120 That's what I say

02:20:11.640 I'm not a Republican

02:20:13.040 Radical Constitutionalist

02:20:13.840 I'm a radical

02:20:14.960 Constitutionalist

02:20:16.240 That's what we are

02:20:16.600 Which means I'm for

02:20:17.400 Free speech

02:20:18.880 More than anything

02:20:19.960 I'm a comic

02:20:20.960 And you have to

02:20:22.000 Distinguish that

02:20:22.700 When people try to

02:20:23.620 Put you in a box

02:20:24.780 Yeah

02:20:25.000 Even when I do

02:20:25.860 The Daily Wire stuff

02:20:26.940 I do it because

02:20:28.220 They hire me

02:20:29.060 Based on my talent

02:20:29.980 Right

02:20:30.380 And I like the job

02:20:31.580 And people go

02:20:32.520 Oh so you're a

02:20:33.200 Conservative comedian now

02:20:34.440 No

02:20:34.780 Even there

02:20:35.840 When I'm there

02:20:36.800 On their podcast

02:20:37.840 And I go

02:20:38.360 No

02:20:38.980 Right

02:20:39.460 I'm a comedian

02:20:40.540 Who takes jobs

02:20:42.640 Based on the roles

02:20:43.620 And the freedom I have

02:20:44.760 Right

02:20:45.200 That's it

02:20:45.700 That's correct

02:20:46.380 That's it

02:20:46.880 And so

02:20:48.000 With Gutfeld

02:20:48.800 But Daily Wire

02:20:49.560 What the fuck

02:20:50.360 I mean

02:20:50.800 Well they're

02:20:51.660 An openly

02:20:52.180 Conservative

02:20:53.020 Yeah but I mean

02:20:54.600 They said

02:20:55.060 They keep on saying

02:20:56.040 Free speech

02:20:56.780 Free speech

02:20:57.500 And then Candace

02:20:59.020 Like pushed them

02:21:00.120 Too far

02:21:00.780 Yeah and then

02:21:01.160 They fired

02:21:01.600 And they fired her

02:21:02.840 Well I don't

02:21:03.180 I don't know

02:21:03.700 The specifics

02:21:04.460 Of why

02:21:06.140 Or if it was

02:21:07.240 Firing

02:21:07.460 Well obviously they felt

02:21:07.980 That she went too far

02:21:09.240 Because they fired her

02:21:10.340 But it's easy to say that

02:21:11.840 But I don't

02:21:12.600 You don't

02:21:12.920 You just don't know

02:21:12.940 But I mean

02:21:13.480 How can you have

02:21:14.260 Any limits on free speech

02:21:16.340 Right

02:21:16.620 When you're the free speech people

02:21:18.660 I agree

02:21:19.120 It's there's a lot of

02:21:20.540 Angles going on

02:21:22.200 You know

02:21:22.560 I'm gonna wait

02:21:23.160 Until I know the exact reason

02:21:24.460 Just cause I

02:21:25.200 Me too

02:21:25.380 I do know

02:21:26.340 I've been there a lot

02:21:27.980 And they all do

02:21:29.000 Like really

02:21:30.480 Get off on

02:21:31.700 On like

02:21:32.980 Contradicting each other

02:21:33.880 In a good way

02:21:34.440 Do you know what I mean

02:21:35.020 Uh huh

02:21:35.360 And so

02:21:36.420 I'd like to see

02:21:38.140 I've heard

02:21:38.680 I've heard things

02:21:39.620 Yeah

02:21:40.020 I don't know

02:21:41.580 But they owe

02:21:42.400 They owe viewers

02:21:44.060 An explanation

02:21:44.340 Oh we have a show

02:21:45.140 Speaking of

02:21:45.940 We have a cartoon

02:21:46.720 Coming out on

02:21:47.400 Yeah

02:21:47.540 On Daily Wire

02:21:48.360 Oh yeah we do

02:21:48.560 Don't we

02:21:49.040 Yes

02:21:49.540 And it's funny

02:21:50.420 Ain't it

02:21:50.840 It's really funny

02:21:51.800 And it's Adam

02:21:53.220 What's his face

02:21:54.060 Adam Carolla

02:21:54.980 I can never remember

02:21:56.420 His last name huh

02:21:57.620 Carolla

02:21:58.140 I can't remember

02:21:58.600 People's names anymore

02:21:59.700 Cause I'm old

02:22:00.520 The first thing that goes

02:22:02.000 Is names

02:22:02.780 Yeah

02:22:03.480 Well it's hair

02:22:04.300 And names

02:22:05.160 Hair

02:22:06.100 Stop

02:22:07.480 You're horrible

02:22:08.460 I'm gonna slap you

02:22:08.840 I was talking about

02:22:09.620 You're bald

02:22:10.480 I thought you meant

02:22:11.580 My hair

02:22:12.340 He was doing both of us

02:22:14.020 Actually

02:22:14.360 He's very

02:22:14.820 Wait

02:22:15.240 Hold on

02:22:15.820 My hair is bright

02:22:16.960 Just talk over

02:22:17.920 My hair is like wire

02:22:19.120 Look at my hair

02:22:20.160 It's like wire

02:22:20.840 This is actually

02:22:22.000 Breaking news

02:22:23.220 Like this show

02:22:24.700 Huh

02:22:25.480 Is

02:22:25.700 It's actually

02:22:27.420 Pretty outstanding

02:22:30.320 Yeah

02:22:30.900 The people that are

02:22:31.680 In this show

02:22:32.400 If you have people

02:22:33.460 From Family Guy

02:22:34.480 You have

02:22:35.020 What show

02:22:35.700 Bertram

02:22:36.140 The one you're on

02:22:36.680 Oh the one we're in

02:22:37.680 Yeah

02:22:38.120 Putty

02:22:38.660 From Seinfeld

02:22:39.740 You've got

02:22:40.320 Danny

02:22:41.120 Who's the Mexican guy

02:22:44.600 From the

02:22:45.840 Nicholas Cage

02:22:46.640 Turio

02:22:46.840 I know

02:22:47.700 I know who you're

02:22:48.100 Talking about

02:22:48.380 I just wanted to do it

02:22:51.040 Cause you were in it

02:22:52.120 I don't have my phone

02:22:53.040 I know who you're

02:22:54.020 Talking about

02:22:54.620 Yeah but this is a

02:22:55.880 Major cast

02:22:57.280 Of people

02:22:57.800 No Megan Kelly

02:22:58.780 He's on

02:22:59.120 Candace

02:22:59.560 Is in it

02:23:00.020 A lot

02:23:00.100 Kyle Dunnigan

02:23:01.820 Kyle's so fucking

02:23:03.140 Talented

02:23:03.520 I mean it's

02:23:04.500 He's so talented

02:23:07.280 We don't know

02:23:07.840 Nothing except

02:23:08.540 That we're in it

02:23:09.740 But I saw

02:23:10.800 So when I had to go

02:23:11.960 Redo some of my clips

02:23:13.240 They showed me

02:23:14.000 A lot of scenes

02:23:14.640 No it's good

02:23:15.260 We're in a scene together

02:23:16.040 I know I was so glad

02:23:17.660 They finally gave us

02:23:18.600 A scene together

02:23:19.480 That's crazy

02:23:20.380 You're playing

02:23:21.200 A kind of libtard

02:23:22.540 Huh

02:23:22.880 I'm playing

02:23:23.900 So you're playing

02:23:25.140 The principal

02:23:25.700 And then Adam

02:23:27.180 Is the woodshop teacher

02:23:28.600 In this school

02:23:29.800 That's being sort of

02:23:30.820 Reconstructed by

02:23:31.740 Locism

02:23:32.240 Yeah

02:23:32.660 It's really excellent

02:23:33.920 And then I

02:23:34.400 I play

02:23:35.180 His arch nemesis

02:23:36.960 I'm the

02:23:37.560 I'm the Jedi

02:23:38.780 The justice

02:23:40.180 Equity

02:23:40.960 Diversity

02:23:42.340 Inclusion

02:23:43.200 Officer

02:23:44.020 So I'm like

02:23:44.880 A mall cop

02:23:45.760 That's hired to go in

02:23:47.560 And like

02:23:47.980 Teach everybody

02:23:49.560 How racist they are

02:23:51.080 And make

02:23:51.520 It's

02:23:52.040 No it's

02:23:52.500 It's great

02:23:53.020 I've read the script

02:23:53.800 I've seen some of the clips too

02:23:55.080 It's so fun to do it

02:23:56.920 It's a show

02:23:57.620 That would be on

02:23:58.500 Fucking

02:23:58.960 Television

02:24:00.760 It would

02:24:01.540 Ten years ago

02:24:02.160 And it would kill

02:24:03.020 That's why I like

02:24:03.880 They never let on TV now

02:24:05.720 Because it's all

02:24:06.660 But how sad is that

02:24:08.040 I mean it's awesome

02:24:08.680 That it's happening

02:24:09.400 And that Daily Wire

02:24:10.020 Did it

02:24:10.480 And it's out

02:24:11.160 And it's happening

02:24:11.900 And that's

02:24:12.520 I want to celebrate that

02:24:13.440 It's really great

02:24:14.460 To be part of it

02:24:15.380 Because it's so edgy

02:24:16.660 Well

02:24:17.680 Daily Wire

02:24:18.900 I mean

02:24:19.540 That's why I defend them

02:24:20.480 It's offensive and edgy

02:24:21.240 It is

02:24:21.720 It's real free speech

02:24:23.020 Kind of in a 90s way

02:24:24.320 You know

02:24:24.540 Like it's not

02:24:25.400 It doesn't really have a

02:24:26.920 Political

02:24:27.680 Like bias

02:24:28.720 I don't

02:24:29.100 I really don't think

02:24:29.620 I love my character

02:24:30.640 No but they'll say it does

02:24:31.480 First you think

02:24:32.340 She's a big angry lesbian

02:24:34.040 But then you find out

02:24:35.600 She's like a veteran

02:24:37.220 Yeah

02:24:37.780 And she's straight

02:24:39.220 And a lesbian

02:24:39.920 It's even better

02:24:40.980 I think she's straight

02:24:42.240 At the end

02:24:42.920 Because she's trying

02:24:44.000 To oppress all those

02:24:45.440 Construction workers

02:24:47.860 To have sex with her

02:24:48.940 That are working on her house

02:24:50.320 I love that she's

02:24:51.540 Kind of a predator

02:24:52.920 Yeah

02:24:53.480 That's fun for me to play

02:24:55.440 And then when you're gone

02:24:56.040 I go in and I sit in your chair

02:24:57.460 And I get off on your power

02:24:58.780 I like going to sniff your stuff

02:25:00.560 Did you know that?

02:25:01.400 No

02:25:01.540 I didn't know that really

02:25:02.480 We haven't seen the full episode yet

02:25:03.680 I get to play

02:25:04.780 Kind of a big old

02:25:05.960 Weirdo pervert

02:25:07.760 Yeah

02:25:08.020 Which is fun

02:25:08.780 I want to be you

02:25:09.900 In the show

02:25:10.580 Because I love your power

02:25:12.220 I love your

02:25:12.860 We have a scene

02:25:14.100 Where we're fighting

02:25:14.900 For the megaphone

02:25:16.360 To do the announcement

02:25:17.320 Over the

02:25:18.080 The school thing

02:25:19.520 Where I'm doing

02:25:20.700 Some virtue signaling

02:25:21.800 Bullshit about

02:25:22.800 You know

02:25:23.220 National

02:25:23.900 Native

02:25:24.640 Whatever

02:25:25.220 Day

02:25:26.360 I think it's gonna be great

02:25:28.100 I do too

02:25:28.740 And it's out in a couple

02:25:29.600 I think it's out in

02:25:30.500 When does this episode

02:25:31.380 Come out?

02:25:31.860 Do you guys know?

02:25:32.220 We don't know

02:25:32.700 We don't know

02:25:33.320 I have to

02:25:34.120 I mean we're

02:25:34.600 Two and a half hours

02:25:36.360 So it's gonna take me

02:25:37.140 A month to edit this

02:25:38.220 Bertram is coming out

02:25:39.660 In May

02:25:40.480 The May 7th

02:25:41.940 Is the red carpet event

02:25:43.020 Which I've

02:25:43.860 I believe that's

02:25:45.760 It goes live

02:25:46.560 On the platform

02:25:47.240 Oh

02:25:47.600 Okay

02:25:48.040 We have to find a way

02:25:49.520 Out of that

02:25:49.940 That's what we're trying to do

02:25:51.160 But to not go

02:25:52.120 We're not

02:25:53.440 We're going if they want us

02:25:55.260 No

02:25:55.660 I'm not going

02:25:56.840 Why?

02:25:58.040 Because we're having a baby

02:25:59.160 Here you

02:25:59.640 Oh yeah

02:26:00.260 Jake's having a baby

02:26:01.380 Okay well let's end this

02:26:03.440 Yeah let's right here

02:26:04.200 Sit down and wrap it up

02:26:05.060 And we'll go piss

02:26:05.560 Sit down and we'll say goodbye

02:26:06.140 And then we'll

02:26:07.440 Yeah

02:26:07.640 Actually start talking

02:26:09.480 Yeah wrap it up

02:26:10.320 And then we can actually

02:26:10.980 Hang out and have fun

02:26:11.700 Or pass out or whatever we're doing

02:26:12.320 Both

02:26:12.780 Hey thank you so much

02:26:14.160 For being here

02:26:14.860 It was a blast

02:26:15.520 To hang out with you

02:26:16.600 This was

02:26:17.520 Can't wait to hang out

02:26:18.740 With you more

02:26:19.060 This was a dream

02:26:20.080 And a nightmare come true

02:26:22.360 Me too

02:26:23.220 No it was a dream come true

02:26:24.760 It's not going

02:26:25.160 This isn't going to really

02:26:26.060 Hit me until

02:26:26.880 Another day unfortunately

02:26:28.680 What's worse

02:26:29.380 Your mom killing herself

02:26:30.460 Your dad being gay

02:26:31.140 Or being here with my mom

02:26:32.660 It was more traumatic

02:26:33.920 She's kind of a

02:26:34.420 Actually you look like

02:26:35.460 My mom and my dad

02:26:36.560 Had a baby

02:26:37.180 Holy shit

02:26:37.820 Really?

02:26:38.680 You actually have the same

02:26:40.660 Oh

02:26:41.160 But they're very attractive

02:26:42.240 But that's sad for you

02:26:44.300 To see all that in my face

02:26:45.840 But that might have been

02:26:46.460 Why I wanted you

02:26:47.320 To play that role in the movie

02:26:48.520 Let's do that

02:26:49.520 Maybe so

02:26:50.460 I think it'd be

02:26:51.340 A fucking awesome movie

02:26:52.880 I'll do it

02:26:53.140 If you want me to

02:26:54.180 I would do it

02:26:54.840 I almost feel like

02:26:55.040 We need to check

02:26:55.760 With Jim Brewer

02:26:56.360 To make sure he's okay

02:26:57.400 With that idea

02:26:58.220 Because his dad

02:26:59.280 He'll be okay

02:27:00.060 He wants to

02:27:00.960 The three of you

02:27:01.720 Write a role for him

02:27:03.080 I'm going to get you in touch

02:27:04.120 With Brewer too

02:27:04.840 I know you love him

02:27:05.700 He's our bro

02:27:06.340 We love him

02:27:07.020 Can I say one thing

02:27:07.880 To you Tyler

02:27:08.360 I've been with my mother

02:27:11.500 My entire life

02:27:12.340 I've met a lot of people

02:27:13.220 I've known Jake

02:27:13.900 His whole life

02:27:14.480 His whole life

02:27:15.020 You are one of the most

02:27:16.920 Genuinely warm people

02:27:19.360 That I've ever met

02:27:20.040 I'm being honest right now

02:27:21.080 I was thinking about this yesterday

02:27:22.860 About when we met you in New York

02:27:24.740 You are legitimately

02:27:26.640 One of the nicest people

02:27:28.000 I've ever met

02:27:28.560 And you pay my mother respect

02:27:31.220 Which I'm finding

02:27:32.720 Harder and harder these days

02:27:33.960 Tony Soprano now

02:27:35.040 No but you do

02:27:36.080 It is the chair

02:27:37.680 No you're an amazing

02:27:39.380 Fucking person

02:27:40.120 I love you

02:27:40.500 But you're so greatly talented

02:27:41.980 Thank you guys

02:27:42.580 So greatly brave

02:27:44.360 I feel so

02:27:45.040 This is what's wild

02:27:46.280 You're out there on the edge

02:27:47.160 Like not

02:27:47.760 You're a fucking hero dude

02:27:49.180 Like very few

02:27:49.600 I felt really like safe

02:27:50.920 When you guys were at

02:27:51.680 The Comedy Cellar

02:27:52.500 And you said

02:27:53.020 You're like

02:27:53.340 I want to come here more

02:27:54.220 And I'm like

02:27:54.600 If

02:27:55.340 No it's Texas

02:27:56.540 Is where you should be

02:27:57.540 You should

02:27:58.020 Come to Texas

02:27:59.080 But

02:27:59.500 I promise you

02:28:00.640 I'm going to set you up

02:28:01.260 Something good's going to happen there

02:28:02.600 My wife knows a lot of people

02:28:04.280 We're all going to make something good happen

02:28:04.680 I'm going to set you up

02:28:05.780 You're going to be happy

02:28:06.480 We're going to have a good time

02:28:07.980 Well I appreciate that

02:28:09.020 And you have to go through shit

02:28:10.180 To be able to

02:28:11.100 You know you go

02:28:12.460 Do I want to be

02:28:13.280 Do I want to treat people

02:28:14.560 The way I was treated

02:28:15.320 Or do I want to do the opposite

02:28:16.580 You have to really know

02:28:17.420 What it feels like

02:28:18.140 I think you do

02:28:18.700 Because that goes through my head

02:28:19.480 Every time I do something

02:28:20.560 And I can be

02:28:21.360 People underestimate

02:28:23.020 My

02:28:23.640 Ability to be a

02:28:25.480 Goddamn

02:28:25.860 Mountain lion

02:28:26.880 Yeah

02:28:27.280 Or like a miniature

02:28:28.160 Labradoodle

02:28:29.280 Whatever

02:28:29.620 I see it

02:28:30.000 No

02:28:31.220 I see it

02:28:32.580 I think you're

02:28:33.220 You didn't have to

02:28:34.040 You didn't have to

02:28:35.160 Make the podcast

02:28:35.920 And you know

02:28:37.600 You want to

02:28:38.300 Give people joy

02:28:39.100 You want to

02:28:40.040 Add to the good

02:28:42.040 You know

02:28:42.420 Right

02:28:43.620 It's comedy

02:28:44.620 It's like again

02:28:45.660 Comedy saves the fucking world

02:28:46.640 Who thought you'd have to

02:28:47.660 Fight for comedy

02:28:48.560 And free speech

02:28:49.380 But this is our

02:28:50.280 But comedy saves the fucking world

02:28:51.940 Laughing power to scorn

02:28:54.260 There's nothing more

02:28:55.200 More great

02:28:56.080 I was at home

02:28:57.960 In Connecticut

02:28:58.660 Where I'm so privileged

02:29:00.540 With my gay dad

02:29:01.760 Leaving

02:29:02.060 And my mom

02:29:02.620 And I joined a gang

02:29:05.340 Actually

02:29:05.660 I was in a gang

02:29:06.440 Which gang

02:29:07.020 What kind of gang

02:29:07.540 It was like

02:29:08.000 It was just a gang

02:29:09.720 Like in my town

02:29:10.960 We sold drugs

02:29:11.740 And grew

02:29:12.160 Oh you really were in a gang

02:29:13.100 I thought you were joking

02:29:13.660 Yeah

02:29:13.980 Yeah

02:29:14.060 I crime

02:29:15.800 Robbed

02:29:16.280 What was your hand

02:29:16.960 Broke into cars

02:29:18.160 I was basically raised

02:29:19.960 By like drug dealers

02:29:21.120 Me too

02:29:22.920 Well just Tom Arnold

02:29:26.200 That should be the last line

02:29:28.900 Of this episode

02:29:29.700 No that's crazy

02:29:30.880 I didn't know that

02:29:31.880 And there was a statue

02:29:33.280 Of

02:29:33.780 And half my friends are dead

02:29:34.760 Half of them

02:29:35.540 Oh shit

02:29:36.380 Half of her too

02:29:37.120 But old age

02:29:37.760 Yeah all

02:29:38.600 All 30 and under

02:29:39.680 Suicide

02:29:40.880 Jumping in front of trains

02:29:42.060 Suicide

02:29:42.640 Drug overdose

02:29:43.460 Jail

02:29:43.860 It's like

02:29:44.340 So the privilege thing

02:29:46.060 It just gets me so much

02:29:47.160 But

02:29:47.480 Can I tell you one thing

02:29:48.800 That reminds me of something

02:29:50.220 Yeah

02:29:50.640 This guy threw himself

02:29:51.880 In front of a train

02:29:52.960 He was a great comic

02:29:54.020 In Denver

02:29:54.560 Where I started

02:29:55.380 And then

02:29:56.840 He

02:29:57.720 He survived

02:29:59.160 But lost his arms

02:30:00.860 And I went back

02:30:02.300 With Robin Williams

02:30:03.280 Because I got everybody

02:30:04.220 To do a benefit for him

02:30:05.540 For his new arms

02:30:06.660 And he said

02:30:08.420 That I

02:30:09.960 Caused it to happen

02:30:12.260 Robin said that?

02:30:13.380 No the guy

02:30:14.160 Who lost his arms

02:30:15.140 No Robin said

02:30:16.040 Oh shit

02:30:16.400 It looks like

02:30:16.780 Doing an impression

02:30:17.460 Of a pencil

02:30:17.920 Look at this guy

02:30:18.400 Look at me

02:30:19.540 Looks like Mr. Happy

02:30:20.920 Did he really

02:30:22.940 Blame you for it?

02:30:23.540 Did you

02:30:23.800 Was he serious?

02:30:25.160 Yeah

02:30:25.480 What the fuck?

02:30:26.340 I never knew that

02:30:27.040 You don't know

02:30:28.220 How evil comics are

02:30:29.780 You don't know

02:30:31.020 How they was

02:30:31.760 Back then though

02:30:32.660 That's horrible

02:30:33.860 Not much has changed

02:30:34.480 My friend

02:30:34.940 No

02:30:35.480 No

02:30:36.100 They's got some

02:30:37.480 They got some

02:30:39.160 Bad shit right?

02:30:41.560 There's some bad ones

02:30:42.720 If you see comedy

02:30:43.360 As competition

02:30:44.260 You're gonna

02:30:45.320 It's gonna destroy you

02:30:46.680 And destroy everybody

02:30:47.360 If you see it

02:30:48.140 As a privilege

02:30:48.960 And art

02:30:50.280 And abundant

02:30:51.380 You know

02:30:52.780 You'll do better

02:30:54.880 Yeah

02:30:55.220 It's the only way

02:30:56.860 To do it

02:30:57.360 So you have a choice

02:30:58.680 It's like rap

02:30:59.940 See me on tour

02:31:00.960 Tylerfisher.com

02:31:02.220 Tylerfisher.com

02:31:03.540 Coming all over the country

02:31:04.580 And

02:31:04.920 We love you

02:31:05.700 Coming all over

02:31:06.340 Roseanne

02:31:07.100 We're gonna find you a wife

02:31:08.160 Don't talk nasty

02:31:09.740 To old women

02:31:10.480 So inappropriate

02:31:10.720 We're gonna find you a wife

02:31:12.360 That's what I predict

02:31:13.380 I'm gonna get him

02:31:14.380 He didn't say what

02:31:15.840 She's gonna look like

02:31:16.780 I wish he had

02:31:17.800 No I know

02:31:18.420 He says it looks like

02:31:19.580 Your wife

02:31:20.320 That's what we're

02:31:20.980 Gonna go for

02:31:21.740 We all want him

02:31:22.000 To look like my wife

02:31:22.760 But I'm telling you

02:31:23.520 I know who

02:31:23.980 I already know who

02:31:24.960 And if it's not her

02:31:26.160 It's in that circle

02:31:27.400 I got it

02:31:28.020 This is gonna happen

02:31:29.200 Well if it's not her

02:31:30.200 It's her fat sister

02:31:31.440 No

02:31:31.800 Her sisters are gorgeous

02:31:32.880 You can't be with a fatty

02:31:34.280 I don't care about weight

02:31:35.400 You can't be with a fatty

02:31:36.300 Cause you're too

02:31:37.240 I don't care about weight

02:31:37.980 You're too short

02:31:38.720 You're too short for a fatty

02:31:40.360 Crush me

02:31:40.800 Maybe being crushed

02:31:41.740 Is my thing

02:31:42.540 If women like to be dominated

02:31:45.120 Maybe I wanna be thrown around

02:31:46.560 No

02:31:46.700 Yeah maybe you should get

02:31:47.360 In the schmo

02:31:47.840 Do you know the schmoes

02:31:49.040 Huh

02:31:49.680 You should get in the schmo community

02:31:51.180 What's that

02:31:51.980 We have to pee

02:31:52.680 So we're gonna wrap it up

02:31:53.360 Two stories

02:31:53.760 I gotta pee so bad

02:31:54.260 The schmoes

02:31:54.960 They're the guys

02:31:55.760 They're little guys

02:31:56.440 That get thrown around

02:31:57.120 By female bodybuilders

02:31:58.460 No he don't want that

02:31:59.600 It's a fetish

02:32:00.100 Anyway real quick

02:32:00.840 One quick story

02:32:01.820 And then I gotta wrap it up

02:32:02.500 Hold on

02:32:02.940 I knew some guys

02:32:03.840 They were bodybuilders

02:32:04.940 Let me wrap this up

02:32:05.840 Please

02:32:06.080 But they all

02:32:06.700 Listen there's these

02:32:08.140 Bodybuilders in Malibu

02:32:09.620 I gotta use the I want

02:32:10.340 And you know who

02:32:11.080 They're attracted to

02:32:12.140 800 pound women

02:32:13.820 Go to the bathroom

02:32:15.120 Alright

02:32:15.560 No but in Malibu

02:32:16.760 Go to the bathroom

02:32:16.780 I'm gonna tell the story

02:32:17.520 Next to me in Malibu

02:32:18.840 Go pee

02:32:21.400 Next to me in Malibu

02:32:22.840 Yeah

02:32:23.120 Was these guys

02:32:24.020 And they was bodybuilders

02:32:25.520 But the girls

02:32:26.780 They had come over

02:32:27.740 To their pool

02:32:28.500 Were at

02:32:29.640 600 to 800 pounds

02:32:31.420 Jesus

02:32:31.940 And they were feeders

02:32:33.320 I told you about

02:32:34.120 One of the feeders

02:32:35.060 You need a feeder

02:32:35.860 That's what you need

02:32:36.900 I do need that

02:32:38.200 I'm gonna find you a feeder

02:32:39.300 I'm gonna find him a wife

02:32:39.960 Give me a feeder

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The Roseanne Barr Podcast - April 25, 2024

Nightcap at the Plaza with Tyler Fischer ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #045

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