1 - 16 - 17 ｜ This Past Weekend #5
Episode Stats
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Summary
On this episode of the podcast, I discuss one of my favorite TV shows of all time, Little House on the Prairie. I also talk about some of my childhood memories of growing up in the 70s and 80s.
Transcript
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you know what that is don't you you know what that is that's a little house on the prairie theme song
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baby the daniel kane orchestra remember that let's hear that intro again dude
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that's it that is it the little house on the prairie theme song god that was a good one
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one of my favorite shows of all time some people know that some people don't
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now you know it michael landon brah i bring this to you it is january 16th
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um it's 12 40 a.m uh i had a show tonight at the hollywood improv
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and afterwards i had a fan of mine friend i say a friend a lady that i've met
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uh through comedy brought me two shirts as a gift one of them had you know who your boy
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michael landon on the front oh beautiful shirt dude some type of cotton black cotton or something
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uh and another shirt it said all day i dream about michael landon now that one might be a little bit
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of a reach but still you gotta love michael landon i grew up watching a little house on a prairie
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uh it was like the only time my brothers and sisters and i would sit together in sheer joy
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was in the morning um it came on every morning on tbs and uh it still does actually um it might come
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on the afternoons now but came on every morning little house on the prairie if you don't know the
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show it's about a man and his children uh and they just doing their best bro they're doing their
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best and i loved it dude we would sit there and watch it uh we would fight to be in front of the tv
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we had like this 12 inch color tv i think it was color i don't remember i was a kid so even if it's
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black and white when you're a kid you can imagine there's color there but man we would sit and watch
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the episodes um i found an episode here online the first season first episode little house on a
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prairie the episode called a harvest of friends bruh i'm gonna read to you the synopsis of it
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the original air date september 11th 1974 in the first episode of season one the ingles that's the
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family settle on the banks of plum creek charles asked the olsons for credit to buy a
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plow and seed but they explain they can only offer credit to farmers they've known for a long
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time dun dun dun charles ends up making a deal with mr o'neill in exchange for a plow and seed
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charles agrees to repair o'neill's roof and stack his grain within three weeks
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after completing the roof charles decides to take the family on an all-day picnic to make up for the
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time he's spent working unfortunately he falls out of a tree while trying to retrieve a kite
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oh that kite hustle and breaks his ribs o'neill assumes charles won't be able to stack the grain
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and takes the oxen a day early losing the oxen bruh charles can't afford to lose the oxen and tries
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to stack the grain with broken ribs he collapses and then laura and mary start stacking the grain
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dr baker mr hansen and mr olson and other townspeople see the girls struggling and team up to stack all
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the grain allowing charles to keep his oxen that's teamwork bruh that's family man you can't stack the
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grain you can't get the job done your neighbors come to help you bruh that's what i loved i think
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that's what i loved about it man just seeing like camaraderie and teamwork because it wasn't like
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that in my neighborhood dude bro i remember man i remember first time i ever pulled up into my
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neighborhood bro growing up because my parents got divorced i end up in we ended up in this shitty
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neighborhood and uh and the first day we got there this man these two grown men this man this older
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man he was a senior citizen he was fighting a bus driver they were fighting in the street a school bus
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driver school bus driver he didn't wear a shirt you know he chose not to wear shirts or just didn't do
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shirts but they were fighting and they had a ditch fire going and a ditch fire instead of you know
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waiting for somebody to come and get your trash people would just burn all their trash in the ditch
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you know it's i mean i guess it could have created some carbon monoxide issues or you know um it could
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have affected the environment i don't know we didn't have an environment so anyway the bus driver
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threw this old dude into the ditch fire bro the old dude everybody's like you know going over to try
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to help but then this old dude bro gets wiry because you know old dudes got old dude strength this dude
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just got up out of the fire his arm was still burning he had flames coming off his back and he went and
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attacked the dude again bro attacked the bus driver and that was the first day i ever spent in my
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neighborhood um when i saw that shit i was like damn man we're fucked my family is fucked uh so yeah
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that was my old neighborhood so i think when i saw things like little house on the prairie with like
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camaraderie they had a doctor if you got hurt like they had a dude in my neighborhood they got hurt
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he broke his clavicle right and uh or his collarbone or wish collarbone and he just his shirt never fit
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the same it just he didn't nobody took him to a doctor he just his shirt never fit right again
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you know one of his he had kind of that slope coming in a little bit on the left i mean he couldn't
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you couldn't he couldn't keep a raindrop on his shoulder that's for damn sure
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so anyway man i guess i loved little house on the prairie and tonight somebody bought me this
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michael landon t-shirt i put it up on my instagrams um it was cool man it was just nice it was like a
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nice thing i didn't expect you know that's nice when something happens it's unexpected that's a
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beautiful thing i gotta remember to try to do that more often for other people i just do something
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nice you know dude i always wanted to break into somebody's house and install an alarm that used to
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be like kind of this idea of mine like i'm gonna break in and install an alarm but then i thought what
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if you break in somebody's there you get shot up then you can't be like you know don't shoot me i'm here
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to put in an alarm i just don't know if they would buy it so maybe i'm i'm just gonna sit on that idea
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bro i'm gonna sit on that i'm gonna sit on that idea but but ring the good idea bell because that
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is a good idea that is a good idea um good to chat with you or be here it is monday january 16th
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um it's actually sunday night i haven't gone to bed yet it is uh 12 48 a.m pacific standard time
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and i uh i had a pretty good weekend man what'd you do what'd you i know you watch some football
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probably huh did you watch some football it's a lot of good games on man i threw a little wager down
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i bet uh bet on today's games i bet uh pittsburgh i took pittsburgh in a point and i bet uh i bet
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green bay would win that was a game huh what about that footwork by aaron rogers he doesn't even he
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barely even separates his legs he's just like a little dancer out there he's just like a little
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he's just like a little he just kind of like just move he just he's like a little like billy elliot
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you know he's like billy elliot from uh that british movie you know i'm not to poof dot
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it's about a young young gentleman his father thinks that he's homosexual because he wants to dance
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um but he's not you know or he may be who knows that it doesn't really go all into that but he
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just wants to be a dancer man and i'll be honest with you i think i could have been a dancer bro
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i mean there are days dude when i get when my feet just feel light you know and i really feel like i
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could have made a name for myself in some of those you know some of those circles some of those dancing
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circles but i just didn't have the i didn't have the support when i was younger emotionally
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to tell me it's okay to get out there and dance you know i just didn't have it man i didn't have it
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so if you got a kid that wants to dance get him some dancing shoes man you know i could still tap
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dance i actually i met a guy yesterday uh who was an adult tap dancer um he was dressed like he was
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from uh boardwalk empire kind of so that was a little bit squirrely but he's an adult tap dancer
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and and i talked to him about it a little bit i will say it did seem a little strange when he just
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started just dropping feet all everywhere like he would just break into some you know just fancy
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footwork so maybe it's not for me i don't know i thought it felt like jesus christ somebody fucking
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you know get this dude a game boy or something you know get this somebody get this guy
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playstation 6 or something i don't know i don't know but yeah green bay won that game huh what a
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game both games dude and then the dallas fans i don't know if you heard this dallas fans they had
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a bunch of severe storms in the area and tornadoes some of them had to stay they weren't allowed to
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leave the stadium like the and that's obviously the last ones the most inebriated ones they're stuck
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in there uh media all the media was stuck in there some of the players were stuck there
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so apparently they were all just hanging out on the middle of the field uh i bet that was pretty
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interesting you know i'd be pissed though you know you're starving your team lost 14 hot dogs that's
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all they got for sale you know the cheerleaders are all fully dressed now i'm out jerry jones probably
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just offered them like some cups of water or something you know nothing fancy i don't know
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i don't know i'll watch that game it was good man um that pittsburgh game looked cold didn't oh
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those guys look freezing cold i don't know if i could do it i'm at the age now where i think i've
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given up like there were there were years where i would watch football and be like ah i could be out
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there even though i never played football i never played it i played it at home you know we played
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we played three times a week in our neighborhood uh i never played organized football we didn't have
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health insurance so i was always afraid you know getting jacked up i'd just be that dude
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you know i'd be like freaking the dude with the bat with the bad clavicle you know the dude that
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can't hold a raindrop on his shoulder bro i didn't want to be like that you know they had
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another man in our town elvis impersonator i think i told this story actually but he broke his leg
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and uh and they set it in cement to save money uh and it healed up fine but then they when they
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broke the cast when they rebroke the cast they broke it with a sledgehammer and rebroke his leg and
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hip in about seven places this dude he was elvis impersonator i think i think i mentioned that
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uh anyway man what else is going on jimmy snooker died jimmy superfly snooker if you knew this guy or
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not uh he was a wrestler he was he was a rassler he was a rassler professional rassler
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dude before i before i forget this i was in the airport one time i saw evander holyfield the boxer
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right famous boxer got his ear bit off by mike tyson i saw him in the airport in the airport in
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chicago a few years ago and he was sitting at a mcdonald's and the mcdonald's had a front porch it
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had like a little outlet that you could sit there and it kind of jutted out into the terminal walkway
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so i'm walking along and i see evander holyfields he's just sitting there and he's got a bunch of
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fries man fries only nothing else just fries and he was taking these fries he was taking these fries
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and just shoving them into his mouth and he couldn't even he couldn't even open his mouth i don't know if
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he'd just been punched so many times or maybe he could open his mouth he was just tired you know i
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never been so tired that i didn't open my mouth when i was putting food in it i guess you could just
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shove food through your freaking you know through your freaking flap curtain lips but he was just
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shoving fries through his lips like it was like kind of like at the um whenever you get your luggage at
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an airport if you miss the luggage and it just goes back through those black curtains you know
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through the black plastic flaps it was like that with him he was just shoving these fries just through
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his flaps through his face flaps and uh i was baffling to me i'm like maybe he'd been beaten so bad he just
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can't open his mouth anymore well anyway they had this little lady this young girl actually kind of a
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middle-aged child basically maybe maybe 17 or 20 who worked down at the cinnabon you know the cinnabon
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that's just a little fat center in the airport where they got them good smells so you go over there
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and they got 19 different sizes of uh a cinnamon roll bro just i mean two bites and you could just
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you feel like you got to take a nap because your sugar's all up but this girl runs up evander is
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sitting there to shoving fries through his face flaps and this girl runs up and she's just standing
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there right in front of him and she goes oh and he looks over and she goes oh i used to watch you
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wrestle and dude i about lost my mind i used to watch you wrestle wrestle to a professional boxer
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whoo i used to watch you wrestle anyway that's my uh that's my wrestler story i was a big wrestling
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fan jimmy superfly snooker he died um i think he was in his 70s what does it say here let me find it
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here jimmy snooker um yeah he died man he died uh 73 years old he died he had stomach cancer
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um kind of broke my heart when i heard about it you know uh he was supposed to go on trial i think
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recently uh or was soon to go on trial for he allegedly murdered his girlfriend not a cool move
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you know not a cool move dude uh he allegedly killed his girlfriend in 1983 but they dropped the
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they dropped the charges because he was gonna die um i guess he had terminal cancer and and that was
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gonna be that and so they dropped those charges but they found his girlfriend in a hotel room i guess
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a long time ago um in pennsylvania and uh and she wasn't living anymore uh he said she fell down
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yeah right dude you're a wrestler bro you know there was a body slam or a freaking
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leg gypsy hold or something a freaking chop something you did but yeah man jimmy superfly snooker dead he
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was the one man he was the one growing up that just electrified me i loved wrestling you know i grew up
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poor white that those were our heroes those seemed for some reason poor white people we just
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we love wrestling bro i don't know what it is i don't know if it's the abuse it's the steroids
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it's the just how easy it is to to take in you just believe it that you know for some reason
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everybody in my neighborhood love wrestling we just believe in those heroes man they could be
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those were our heroes yeah the guy allegedly killed his girlfriend now that i couldn't do man i
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couldn't kill i couldn't kill my girlfriend you know i've had let me see three girlfriends
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which isn't really a lot uh you know because i'm emotionally damaged hard to connect sometimes
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but i've had three girlfriends could i have killed any of them
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some of them wasn't very bright so i could have maybe
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not killed them i couldn't have killed them no so i'm gonna say that i couldn't have killed them
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uh i could have got angry i could have gotten so angry at both of us
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that i could have driven us off of a cliff or something like thelma and louise i could have
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seen something like that possibly you know if it was you know say we're moving across country together
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and you know uh and you know some ignorance hits an all-time high i could have just
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seen me just veering us off a cliff maybe i don't know new mexico maybe in new mexico
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you know um but yeah i know but i couldn't i mean i couldn't fucking kill anybody i love murder
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shows dude i mean i love murder shows buried treasure um that show disappeared where people
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are dismissing jesus i used to go look in the woods when i was growing up for missing people for
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missing bodies and stuff i guess i thought when i was young that like the woods behind your house or
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near your house were like the same woods everywhere you know that the woods were the woods so whenever
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i would watch those shows those unsolved mysteries or america's most wanted and like a body was missing
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i would be like ah it might be in the woods so i'd go look and know in my neighborhood it could
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have been man you know anything was possible they had the first funeral i went to the dude that got
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thrown in the ditch fire years later he died right so i'm walking down the street with my buddy danny
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and he was born with some deficiencies uh he had extra salivary glands in his face so he was always
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kind of spraying out of his face when he would smile or feel real joyous he would you know kind of spout
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out at the corners of his mouth and uh and then he also had like a was born with like a wrist in his neck
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like a his neck had like a just an involuntary spin to it about every maybe five seconds his neck would
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just just flare around you know just like a circle like that you know just a just like he would look to
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the left and look straight up and then to the right and then back to center just just involuntarily
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anyway he and i are walking down the street and the man who got thrown in the ditch fire
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his son was there and he said you guys want to come to a service
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and i didn't know what a service was man i thought it was you know i don't know what i thought it was
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i probably thought it was something religious and i guess i was right in that sense because we walk
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into the backyard and they had buried the man they had put him in a in a uh in a coffin in a
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pine or something coffin maybe it could have been teak it looked pretty something malleable
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malleable wood and they put him in a ground and there was some chairs set up some folding chairs some
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of those kind of brown folding chairs and we all sat there and they had they read some scripture and then
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they buried this man in the backyard uh and they're like does anybody want to say uh some words you
00:21:41.880
know um does anybody want to say some words and i didn't know what to say you know so i just
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you know try to do the sign of the cross even though i didn't know it um and then danny this dude
00:22:00.300
he said he stood up and said the grace that you say before dinner you know whatever uh bless us oh lord
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and these i guess we are about to receive that bounty through christ our lord amen um and then like god
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we thank you for this food i'm like i'm thinking to myself that's definitely not the fucking prayer you
00:22:24.540
say when somebody's dying but he didn't know any better anyway fucking that was it dude what
00:22:31.040
what the hell man thinking back that's just that's baffling dude that we're standing next to a funeral
00:22:39.960
and he says grace he said dinner grace whatever that's life dude or that's death but i loved
00:22:47.460
wrestling bro dude my brother and i we used to push the beds apart in our room and that would
00:22:53.720
be like two sides of the ring and we would just wrestle bro and we had charts of like all the
00:22:59.580
different wrestlers and we we each drew names and that's the wrestler we were and whoever would win
00:23:04.640
that wrestler would be eliminated man that was fun dude that was fun those were the good old days man
00:23:11.720
that's what we did we got outside you know we didn't have this before they had the wrestling video
00:23:15.700
games so we had to go do it you know whatever now they got the game so these kids don't have to do it
00:23:21.400
you know we had to go impersonate those adventures you know we couldn't just sit in front of a tv and be a
00:23:29.900
pilot or be a i mean we had super mario and they had some um eventually john madden came out but before
00:23:37.500
that we just had to go and pretend we were these things so that's sometimes my issue with video games is
00:23:44.320
that it just takes the place of an imagination it's like why does why do why do i don't blame a kid
00:23:51.220
they don't know any better they don't have to imagine anything anymore if it can just be presented
00:23:55.580
to them in front of them uh but anyway man that was that was wild uh but yeah that kansas city game
00:24:04.600
looks so cold ah couldn't do it dude i couldn't even go stay i wanted to live in new york i wanted to
00:24:11.720
stay there for a little bit longer but i gotta wait till it warms up i can't be there in the
00:24:16.180
winter like that just chills you chills your bones just makes you feel like a dead body that's still
00:24:23.120
just walking around uh what else man i've been watching that show the oa have you seen this it's
00:24:29.700
on netflix the oa i heard the ending is horrible but everything before the ending my god it's awesome
00:24:37.840
bro it's like people that had a near-death experience um and then they this scientist i don't want to
00:24:45.620
tell you what happens but if you like it if you like a little bit of kidnapping and some uh it's got
00:24:49.960
some light science fiction it's right on um and i don't know i heard the ending is not good but
00:24:56.020
i guess i'll just enjoy you know the meantime that show's good dude i want to watch shameless i
00:25:03.580
haven't seen that uh what else i don't know oh could i kill my girlfriend i couldn't you know
00:25:12.100
i couldn't kill my girlfriend could i kill someone
00:25:15.400
i don't think i could do it man i just don't think i have it in me you know and you gotta hide the bot
00:25:24.300
that's the thing too like i could understand how people could kill someone in a fit of rage something
00:25:30.940
crazy happens their psyche breaks and they just kill somebody you know but then you gotta hide the
00:25:40.100
body bro nobody gets away with i mean so rare with the dna you gotta make sure their phone isn't around
00:25:48.440
because the phone sends a ping out apparently the towers it's always like the phone was bouncing off
00:25:53.820
these towers you gotta clean up or you gotta kill them real carefully i guess like in a you know you
00:26:01.740
gotta invite them over and just have vis queen all over your house maybe say some painters are coming
00:26:06.240
so that way you know you're already prepared i couldn't do it though you know yeah i couldn't do it
00:26:15.120
oh i'd hate that dude i'd hate to get murdered i don't want to get murdered i don't want to get
00:26:20.980
murdered dude hopefully i won't playing crowd i would hate a playing crowd that's got to be the
00:26:26.620
worst oh that's got to be the worst what's the worst way to go anyway i'm getting pretty dour here
00:26:33.320
i'm getting pretty uh pretty pretty damp here in my words here at night um it's late it's late man
00:26:40.760
this is what you get when it's late i had a great show this weekend i worked with harlan williams
00:26:44.980
who i'm a huge fan of uh you he he was in half baked uh you may know him from and other things too
00:26:52.080
um but in half baked he had that scene where like he's gonna feed the horse all those groceries
00:26:57.800
and he's like what can i get for you big girl and he's talking to the horse and uh and this black
00:27:05.420
lady's walking by and she thinks that uh he's talking to her and she turns around and she's like
00:27:11.640
fuck you nigga uh that was baffling to me man that shit was hilarious so i got to work with
00:27:19.580
harlan williams dude um and that was great he came up to me afterwards and said that he really loved my
00:27:24.880
set uh which was nice because you know when these older comedians or comedians that have been around
00:27:31.400
longer they come around and say something or any job you know you know it always feels good to
00:27:37.120
i think you know when somebody who's better than you and has more experience in you and somebody
00:27:44.960
you admire you know drop some good knowledge on your drop some admiration or just pats you on the back
00:27:51.560
you know so i got to remember to try to do that uh trying to be a better person that shit's hard
00:27:58.060
isn't it trying to be a better person and live and just manage your regular life at the same time
00:28:03.780
it's hard man it's not easy it's not easy we're all trying hopefully we're all trying to be better
00:28:09.380
people i don't fucking know some days i just want to just get a bunch of ice cream and just
00:28:15.000
you know lay in the sheets and just try not to do masturbation i gave in to some masturbation this
00:28:23.680
past week so you know i'm back uh i'm empty you know you could say it like that i mean that's just
00:28:32.200
that's nature bro you know i didn't want to do it i guess i don't know i had that moment where i was
00:28:38.520
like god do i want i you know i know i want i want to but i know in my brain that i don't want to
00:28:44.740
what do i do well masturbation one bro it's a powerful drug your own dick that's a powerful drug
00:28:53.800
your own crotch that's a powerful drug oh let me listen to this get me back to sanity
00:29:13.120
you broke your ribs trying playing in a tree you gotta help with those bags of grain huh
00:29:19.000
help your friend with his grain be a good neighbor we don't even know who our neighbors
00:29:24.840
are anymore i always thought that should have been a good holiday here's a holiday
00:29:28.680
go next door find out who the fuck lives there dude we would get eliminate so many creepers just
00:29:37.480
like that so many so many of my friends have no idea what their neighbor does you know but we have
00:29:45.460
no that's another thing like i'm excited about having some borders in this country because we
00:29:50.220
don't even know who the fuck is already here it's scary it's scary living in a country where you don't
00:29:56.600
know who's here you know that's bizarre that's bad that's crazy that's like imagine you wake up
00:30:04.460
and there's some people in your house you don't know huh who are you huh huh that's america man
00:30:12.460
that's america sometimes you know and i know it's like you got to be you know the land of the open
00:30:18.260
and you know the free and stuff like that but i think sometimes we got to know who's here we need
00:30:23.460
a roll call that's what we need we need everybody's third grade teacher to show up with the pencil in
00:30:31.700
their hair and do a roll call or do like do like a boat safety drill you know they do on a cruise
00:30:38.460
they get everybody out in the beginning you got your group where you meet up you put on your life
00:30:43.420
jacket do that in the street let's find out who our neighbors are find out who's here
00:30:48.620
fucking creepy mcgooberson down the street who is he i don't know whatever dude it's just
00:30:56.420
it's obviously been a long weekend throw some dates i got some new dates i'm coming to baltimore
00:31:02.280
i'm coming to baltimore dude let me tell you the name of this club bro just got it in uh
00:31:08.920
here's the place dude it is called mcgooby's comedy club that's where i'll be it's actually in
00:31:16.560
timonium maryland february 9th through the 11th so that's thursday friday saturday mcgooby's comedy
00:31:25.180
club in timonium i don't know where that is it sounds like something i should get inoculated for
00:31:31.260
timonium maryland let's see what it is oh there's a racetrack there there's about 9900 people live
00:31:40.000
there oh they want to bring the dog in they want to bring him in the timonium uh yes i'll be there
00:31:48.000
i'll be there out in timonium it looks like it is near it's about uh yeah right outside of baltimore
00:31:55.780
north side of baltimore outside of that i'll be at virginia beach funny bone coming up
00:32:00.560
uh january 26th through 29th and then i'll be at the schaumburg improv outside of chicago february
00:32:07.380
2nd through 4th and the comedy works in denver uh that's february 23rd through 26th
00:32:16.860
so i'm excited about that man what else happened man this past weekend just did some sets man harlan
00:32:24.500
williams saying some nice things that was cool just trying to be a decent man that's what else
00:32:29.540
is going on you know i'm trying to stay out of the politics it's hard not to talk politics man
00:32:35.300
just so many people it just i just don't know how they get people to see each other's perspectives
00:32:41.400
people have different perspectives like people live in different worlds like out here in california
00:32:47.120
a lot of these people out here they live like it's just a different world they can't even fathom
00:32:52.820
the environment that i grew up in or the environment that a lot of people grew up in
00:32:58.080
you know people that are well off they have no idea what life is like when they're not well off and
00:33:06.740
there's nothing wrong with that but the problem is that people just see the world completely
00:33:14.520
differently like they can't see my perspective and i can't see their perspective so sometimes it's
00:33:21.060
just baffling um how people feel like we live you know in this same universe you know like people out
00:33:30.520
uh on the west coast are always like you know no more racism no more you know it's like we don't need
00:33:36.060
and it's true you don't need those types of things you don't need racism it's horrible
00:33:40.760
but then you get but they don't understand how people who are living environment in environments
00:33:46.800
where there is racism they don't know what that's like you know it's totally different when you're
00:33:53.120
living in an environment where there is a lot of racism it's just baffling man it's and it's different
00:33:59.600
it's like we just need to swap places i don't know how we do it maybe virtual reality
00:34:05.020
you know i heard that there's going to be virtual reality this is true let me see if i can find this
00:34:09.700
virtual reality where you can experience uh different races let me see i saw this a while back i'm just
00:34:20.360
looking it up on the google here um top virtual reality going by now um reset no uh the experience it's
00:34:30.880
no ethnicities ethnicities this shit is baffling dude um race and virtual reality uh virtual body
00:34:43.280
swapping uh shit i don't know but yeah i heard there's a virtual reality where you're going to
00:34:48.800
be able to see what it's like to be um different ethnicities you can put on like latino and walk down
00:34:56.740
the street i guess in this virtual area and and you'll be you'll see what it's like and that's it
00:35:03.760
i just don't know if that is that going to help you maybe that'll help maybe that will help maybe
00:35:07.680
that's what we need you know maybe we need to show each other what it's like to have lived each other's
00:35:14.500
lives maybe virtual reality can actually can that do that but is that going to change our minds or is
00:35:20.480
just going to change what we see you know i don't know man but it's crazy sometimes out here um
00:35:29.020
in california it's just like people it's just like people don't see that the rest of the that america is
00:35:35.760
different or they don't care you know like i'm amazed at all these uh celebrities that just bash
00:35:43.500
you know that bash like i mean the poor white people are like the punching bag of america right
00:35:50.500
now and that's kind of hard for me because i grew up poor and white you know and i don't think poor
00:35:56.020
white people are bad people i don't think anybody are bad people it's just i don't know fuck it whatever
00:36:02.800
it just it's tough man it's tough out here it's tough sometimes um especially having like a southern
00:36:09.840
accent people think immediately i'm just a you know some yokel uh you know it's just i don't even
00:36:17.540
know what i'm talking about anyway i'm going off at least i'm not a dallas fan whoo god that must
00:36:23.920
have hurt huh but they got young players you know ezekiel elliott that guy oh getting him on my fantasy
00:36:30.080
squad definitely next year what else man jimmy snooker died we went over that trying to see if there's
00:36:38.360
anything else really exciting i was going to tell you guys about the weekend was pretty chill man i
00:36:42.020
went over to some friends um you know i went over some friends who watched the atlanta game that shit
00:36:48.400
was pretty dope uh you know they had some kids that were obviously big atlanta fans uh some pictures
00:36:57.280
of paris jackson i just saw michael jackson's daughter dude she looks like she's attractive young lady
00:37:03.420
uh i don't know how old she is you know that's why i'm not going to say anything more but she looks 18
00:37:09.220
she's an attractive young lady that's got to be crazy michael jackson was your dad can you even imagine
00:37:15.540
all the ndas you had to sign growing up can you even imagine that's got to be bizarre um but that's it man
00:37:25.240
that's what's going on this past weekend i don't really have a ton so i'm not going to take up a lot of your
00:37:28.420
time but i'll check in again next weekend we're going to get some video options we're going to get
00:37:32.940
uh we're going to start doing some guests i'm open to any constructive criticism i don't know if this
00:37:38.420
is a good idea to just get on here and share you know i always second guess myself um i've always been
00:37:45.440
that kind of person that you know just second guesses themselves you know i wish i wasn't sometimes
00:37:50.320
i wish i was more confident um and sometimes i am it's getting better you know i'm almost six months
00:37:56.860
sober um or haven't drank you know haven't been drinking so that's exciting for me man um on the
00:38:04.840
17th so that's pretty dope dude so that's one cool thing and i've been enjoying that you know i know
00:38:11.140
that's a buzz kill to a lot of my fans who wanted to buy me a beer but uh you can still buy me a beer
00:38:15.420
just make it a ginger beer bro you know what i'm saying let's do that dude but anyway a breakdown from
00:38:20.900
this weekend oh i was thinking about some sounds that i make dude i was thinking about like uh
00:38:34.500
that's the one i make a lot dude like when i'm really upset
00:38:44.540
i'm trying to think of one that i do like when i'm in the car
00:38:48.660
i'll do that one um i'll drop some sometimes i mostly in the morning like right when i get up
00:38:59.200
if i'm in the shower i'm usually like kind of pissed off i'll just belt out a series of just
00:39:03.440
every racial slur that they ever made i'll belt it out just to get them all out of my system
00:39:07.980
you know um i do that in the morning i'm gonna think about that i'm thinking about some sounds
00:39:14.900
that i make i'm gonna try to pay attention to some to some sounds that i make in the next week
00:39:20.640
and i'll bring them back for you guys next week uh but that's it man that's what's been going on
00:39:26.280
if you have anything you want me to discuss on here or talk about we got adam carolla coming up
00:39:31.020
on allegedly on the allegedly podcast that i do with matthew cole weiss you can check that out that's
00:39:36.020
going to be uh released tomorrow um that's allegedly and it's on itunes we got adam carolla
00:39:41.760
margaret cho was our just our guest that was a great episode she talked about how when she was
00:39:46.760
hanging out with john travolta one time and he ate an entire pie by himself could you even imagine
00:39:56.980
beautiful old blue eyes travolta freaking smugging down a pie like a van der holyfield you used to
00:40:08.180
i used to watch you wrestle i used to watch you wrestle oh it was good man the old days huh
00:40:17.440
ah i miss them i miss them i always long for the old days man what else i'll try to give you a
00:40:28.800
personal update what's going on man um copped a little bit of oral copped a little bit of oral
00:40:35.760
recently so that was good you know um you know i don't know if i gotta read up on oral oral sex and
00:40:43.640
see what the history of that is and i'll try to do that for next week oral sex and maybe some
00:40:49.300
different sounds that i make not during oral sex but just during life different life sounds i'm making
00:40:55.920
a chart for next week oral sex but yeah copped a little bit of oral you know it's always good to
00:41:02.060
keep your vibe going you know get out there and you know um experience somebody else's face or mouth
00:41:09.160
with part of your body um i think that's good for men and women a lot of these women are just you know
00:41:14.740
offering oral these days too you know you know they're just like it was probably two months ago
00:41:21.700
this girl's like you want to come around the this building and just you know chew on my freaking
00:41:27.380
little uh birth wallet and i'm like whoa lady you know that's pretty bizarre it's quite an offer
00:41:35.700
you know just traipse around the uh the corner of a building and freaking snack on the end of
00:41:42.600
somebody's birth wallet i'm out i'm out lady all right i think that maybe wraps it up dude um
00:41:51.560
i had some fans that sent in some music some uh opening music maybe i'll try to use that next week
00:41:56.760
uh some cool tune uh that they made uh but that's it man you know i'm just trying to stay positive this
00:42:04.780
week was a little tough i got down in the doldrums kind of um it's kind of hard when that happens bro
00:42:11.100
i stay on my meds you know i keep my meds tight i stay focused uh you know i get out of myself spend
00:42:19.260
time with friends i call friends constantly see how they're doing um this week i'm excited this week
00:42:26.600
we got a couple of cool guests for the podcast we got aaron carter coming in that'll be interesting
00:42:31.140
to see what his life's been like uh he's like a young musician dude uh and that's it man i'm excited
00:42:38.180
for the games next week uh atlanta and green bay i'm gonna go with green bay uh i think it's gonna be
00:42:46.440
a green bay new england super bowl and that'll be a rematch i think they played years ago in new
00:42:50.620
orleans i'm not sure but at least i'm not a dallas fan tonight sorry about that dallas fans
00:42:56.920
kc fans i love you guys you're out in the cold and dallas fans you're gonna have a great team for a
00:43:02.140
while so everything will be okay at least nobody's a saints fan we got to get rid of sean payton dude
00:43:08.300
anybody thinks that that guy he thinks he's bill belichick but he's he's not he's not that he's had
00:43:14.820
five defensive coordinators oh they're all the problem huh sean with your booty hole mouth he got
00:43:21.420
a mouth like a booty hole like a sphincter look at his mouth next time so like just like a sphincter
00:43:27.340
imagine somebody took i bet his his booty hole looks like a regular mouth i bet i bet that
00:43:35.840
and on that note man um this is this past weekend let me know any constructive criticisms man i really i
00:43:43.020
love it if you love the podcast comment on it on itunes say something nice um and be good to
00:43:49.600
yourselves man you know if you're being hard on yourself if you're trying too hard take a break
00:43:54.860
you know let some light into your life you know ask god for help you know ask your friends for help or
00:44:02.160
help a friend quit thinking about yourself if you can uh it'll make everything easier man it always does
00:44:08.200
uh i'm not trying to preach at you i'm just trying to be here with you but uh love you guys i'm trying
00:44:15.140
to love myself we'll see how it goes uh and this is uh monday january 16th 2017 and this is this past
00:44:25.780
take us home charles engels uh laura remember little laura god
00:44:34.260
she would have been made a good sister mary mary went blind twice god what are the odds
00:44:42.640
you go blind she got kicked by a horse once and then another time
00:44:48.340
um i think it just like severe sunlight or a uh a flu got her she got blind again jesus christ
00:44:57.020
oh the kids were blind and the mother she never changed clothes over nine seasons
00:45:04.160
of television now that's a lady huh the dress she wore that dress and that apron and sometimes
00:45:12.380
the hair bonnet but sometimes at night she would take her hair down but still have on her day clothes
00:45:20.980
ah and the grain help your neighbor with his grains for the love of christ
00:45:31.380
ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll be sharing thoughts
00:45:40.300
on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner the answer may
00:45:46.520
shock you sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i won't and as always i'll be joined by
00:45:52.840
the voices in my head you have three new voice messages a lot of people are talking about kite club
00:45:59.880
i've been talking about kite club for so long longer than anybody else so great
00:46:05.100
hi swia he's a deal anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker
00:46:12.380
i think tom hanks just butt dialed me anyway first rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club
00:46:28.600
second rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club third rule like and subscribe wherever you
00:46:35.380
listen to podcasts or watch us on youtube yeah and yes don't worry my brad pitt impression will get better