This Past Weekend with Theo Von - 12-26-16

00:00:00.000 you hear that guys huh good morning

00:00:08.200 good morning guys it's monday december 26th today after christmas

00:00:16.540 that's george michael that's george michael right there guys remember that one huh i want your sex

00:00:30.000 oh man george michael dead at 53 i think it is uh good morning guys it's this past weekend

00:00:56.020 uh december 26th is uh monday um sad to see that man that that made me how are you feeling

00:01:05.580 how do you feel about it did it hit you you know different celebrities different uh you know

00:01:11.120 musicians especially they hit you you're not you're not expecting like prince

00:01:16.920 yeah prince obviously like amazing uh you know once in a lifetime um type of entertainer but

00:01:25.480 i didn't realize george michael i started getting all these thoughts and feelings

00:01:29.520 uh i used to listen to him on the school bus i remembered that was one of the first songs

00:01:35.540 that i heard man uh was george michael on the school bus right there

00:01:40.460 and i remember that song when it came on i felt uh you know i'd be on the school bus and honestly i'd

00:01:55.960 be a little bit erect you know i was young and i was spry and real sprung in the veins and

00:02:01.220 i was getting erect on the school bus listening to george michael and i felt ashamed i remember

00:02:07.620 feeling ashamed like what are you what are you doing you little sinner you know and that song

00:02:13.340 would come on i want your sex and look at the girl sitting across from me you know on the

00:02:19.220 some some some frumpet little muppet girl kind of rubenesque you know uh thick and just

00:02:29.040 just a pale girl i remember and big sun on big sunglasses she needed uh eyeglasses but her parents

00:02:38.380 couldn't afford them i guess and so they gave her sunglasses i'm like jesus that's i don't think

00:02:43.800 that's an accurate uh replacement you know i mean she basically looks like she's in the witness

00:02:48.780 protection program now not only is her vision bad but uh you know but she looks like a california

00:02:55.760 raisin anyway uh but i remember that song i want your sex and i just remember just pushing myself up

00:03:05.340 against the window just scared to even look around and i remember making eye contact with her when that

00:03:11.840 song was on one time and just ah just felt every feeling you could feel as a young man felt everything

00:03:21.380 man i felt everything you know i felt like uh she and i had a moment you know i just i don't know it

00:03:30.580 was heavy it was heavy it was heavy that's all i remember is that it was heavy good to see you guys

00:03:37.260 money uh happy day after christmas man christmas happened you know christmas happened this past

00:03:42.920 weekend what else george michael gone um fake news fake news is still out there huh

00:03:50.560 what else i was looking at the headlines this morning uh giraffes may disappear they said giraffes

00:04:00.040 we might be almost out of giraffes so that's really alarming you know just the fact that uh

00:04:07.540 we thought these giraffes would be here forever but let's get into it man this past weekend my

00:04:12.040 christmas what was it like uh friday i went to new orleans to hang out uh with some friends i had a

00:04:18.920 friend who's a dj we went to the rusty nail over there in new orleans i went to a a buddy of mine um

00:04:26.820 uh from high school he's a contractor now he and his brother uh they had a what was it oh they had

00:04:35.500 a christmas party so i stopped by there it was good to see them catch up you know share old stories

00:04:40.820 things i didn't remember um and my buddy's straight his brother's gay but i had and it reminded me

00:04:48.900 his brother was the first gay guy i ever knew about i'd never thought about that before and it

00:04:55.980 didn't you know it doesn't matter now and i don't think it mattered to anybody then but it was just

00:05:00.960 you know it was a it was a novel thing it was like the first time that i heard about a chinese boy

00:05:06.580 you know i'd never you know i'd never spent any time didn't know any chinese people so um i remember

00:05:14.120 that they might have talked about this last week even they had a chinese boy allegedly uh about 17

00:05:20.840 miles away from us when i was growing up and we heard about it we got wind of it you know we were

00:05:26.340 downwind from the chinese apparently and uh and so we saved up money me and two of my buddies we saved

00:05:34.360 up money cutting yards made us a little bit of money and got a taxi we got a 41 taxi to go see the chinese

00:05:43.240 chinese but there wasn't there was no chinese it was a uh a laundromat one of those uh you know a

00:05:52.080 cleaning a cleaners somebody built a cleaners and just you know a breakdown in communication

00:05:57.060 via humans and we uh that was how when it got to us at 11 years old there was an alleged chinese

00:06:04.260 person and there's nothing wrong with being chinese if you're out there and you're uber liberal and you

00:06:10.060 can't stand somebody saying the name of an ethnicity uh but we'd never heard about it

00:06:16.820 we didn't know anything about it we were children and they didn't have we grew up in a white and black

00:06:22.940 area so when we heard there's a chinese person a boy too they said you know there's a little bit of

00:06:29.720 lore there legend you know there was a chinese boy if you hear some people in the background it could be

00:06:37.560 i'm staying at my brother's house i'm actually in he and his wife's closet right now uh recording this

00:06:44.140 so the kids could be fighting or crying or loving or being loving in the background uh that is an option

00:06:50.660 so ah but anyway uh what was i even talking about yeah i went to new world hang out with some friends

00:06:58.280 but yeah my buddy the contractor he and his brother are contractors they

00:07:01.620 had the first he was the first gay guy that we ever knew about you know and there was all you know

00:07:08.740 the way they phrased it you know oh yeah but he does his own thing oh he's doing yeah that's right he's

00:07:14.680 doing his own thing you know oh he's really uh yeah he's an adventurer you know just just the terms you

00:07:24.480 would hear you know like just crazy uh anyway those were the that's that's what i did friday i

00:07:33.220 believe i went to that um actually that was saturday that was sat uh that was friday that was friday i

00:07:39.820 went there to new orleans uh we just had stassi schroeder on our podcast on allegedly she's it'll be it'll

00:07:45.580 be coming out tomorrow the girl from vanderpump rules if you're a stassi schroeder fan uh you can uh

00:07:51.360 you can check her out on uh on our on our podcast on allegedly which drops tomorrow tuesday the 27th

00:07:58.720 but she's from new orleans so texted her see if she wanted to you know come out or she's in town

00:08:04.500 didn't get a response no response sometimes you don't get responded to you know uh you know and

00:08:15.080 even though i wasn't doing it sensually it does uh you know it makes you as a man you know you just

00:08:19.720 you want to get a response from the ladies i could text my grandmother if she doesn't text back

00:08:24.500 with that oyster dressing recipe of hers that i'm asking for that i'm upset i'm upset about that so

00:08:32.640 um yeah i didn't get a text back but that's okay you know uh busy ladies these ladies are busy

00:08:39.780 especially the uh these fancy ladies you know a lot of them they can get a little busy

00:08:46.300 but uh but that's okay i'm just kind of clowning around there but she's on our podcast if you like

00:08:51.040 vanderpump rules if that's your universe if that's what you watch or if your wife makes you watch that

00:08:57.500 at night and you pretend like you don't like it but you like it she's gonna be on allegedly tomorrow

00:09:03.520 i got into it with her man i i taught i asked her some questions you know she's a beautiful girl so i

00:09:08.300 asked her some questions you know about sensuality asking about some of her sexual thoughts and

00:09:13.000 practices you know uh you know it's kind of what she's into you know if she's because you know uh

00:09:20.680 so you know girls are you know so anyway we get a little sensual on there if you want to check out

00:09:25.760 allegedly uh i'm gonna drop some dates on you coming up i got the uh virginia beach funny bone january 26th

00:09:34.460 through 29th and then the following weekend i got the improv in chicago it's actually out in

00:09:41.920 schaumburg schaumburg illinois uh february 2nd through the 4th so that's exciting um as well if

00:09:52.100 you do art i'm looking for somebody to do some cover art for my album i got a new album that's

00:09:56.180 dropping uh 30 pound bag of hamster bones if you do cover art or you're an artist uh inbox me dm me

00:10:03.360 you know slide into my dms with your artistic talents with your with your uh with your color

00:10:09.820 pencils uh but no seriously if somebody wants to uh design a cover or submit an option an opportunity

00:10:16.000 to design that you know you're welcome to do that what else so that was this past weekend i invited out

00:10:22.020 the vanderpump rules girl you know i did get a text back from her yesterday maybe on christmas maybe the

00:10:30.180 maybe saturday i think yesterday i got it said i wasn't i was at a party um

00:10:37.140 and i was busy you know but that she may go out on uh tomorrow or today monday today's monday

00:10:44.840 what else man um george michael though huh did that get you did that get you let's

00:10:51.360 just imagine huh 11 year old boy this comes on the school bus i want your love i want your sex

00:11:11.820 ah just a bunch of impoverished kids sitting there staring at each other

00:11:18.780 ah man i was i was sprung i was i was erect i will say that i was i remember looking out the window

00:11:29.360 and just like i couldn't see anything i was looking out the window but i couldn't see anything that's how

00:11:36.600 erect i was at that age 11 and just hearing that just them say sex i want your sex on the radio even

00:11:45.620 though it was a man saying it you know i was sprung i was sprung up so yeah friday i went to new orleans

00:11:51.720 um uh i stayed over there um i stayed with my buddy and his girlfriend they live together now

00:12:00.520 they had some cats a couple of cats tried to get at me in the night um you know uh one cat i think

00:12:08.560 is black one of them's mixed but uh they was kind of fucking with me in the dark and that's a little

00:12:13.720 bit challenging you know sleeping in unfamiliar territory and you got two cats kind of fucking

00:12:18.820 getting at you you know speaking of actually which kind of brings things full circle right now i

00:12:23.720 remember get uh being uh being uh getting sensual with this girl up in philadelphia that's one of the

00:12:32.680 older cities in america philadelphia pennsylvania uh staying at her place and being erect in my sleep i

00:12:41.300 was actually being erect in my sleep and uh she had a cat just swatting at my erection and i remember

00:12:48.940 waking up to that and that is startling dude if you have not you know i'm an animal lover i guess

00:12:56.000 but i'm not it depends on what animals i've had a storied history with animals and we'll get into

00:13:01.520 that as uh you know some of these episodes unfold but i mean if you haven't had a cat batting at your

00:13:08.180 erection i mean that is uh that was

00:13:12.980 that was too much

00:13:17.120 this is what that cat was thinking i bet

00:13:22.100 coming after that meat huh going after that uh that scratching post huh

00:13:29.680 so yeah cat batting at my erection i was a girl in philadelphia

00:13:34.720 ah but that was scary that was alarming another time i remember sharing a bed with this woman and

00:13:41.500 she had a dog uh the dog's name was kobe and a huge big brown dog it was a great dame we shared a bed

00:13:50.800 together and this was right after kobe bryan had gotten brought up on those rape charges

00:13:55.020 and i remember thinking ah this is you know this could go any way you know this could go any way

00:14:02.800 and she made the dog sleep in the middle of us that was baffling to me

00:14:08.040 like but again i respect it i didn't know i just met this lady you know

00:14:12.880 um you know and this is back when i was you know just kind of running around tomcatting

00:14:18.780 and uh yeah that was alarming you know when she let me sleep over by her place and

00:14:26.460 i don't remember if we really got very sensual or anything but i do remember sharing this bed with

00:14:31.720 her and this this great dane kobe i don't know if he's still out there and i wonder what he was

00:14:37.000 thinking while we lay there in the dark huh

00:14:38.800 maybe that's what he had on his mind huh maybe that dog was trying to get at me

00:14:48.380 ah erect on that school bus man erect so then saturday i woke up uh i went and visited i got

00:15:00.960 a condo over there in new orleans i know i'm property dropping here but um and uh it had flooding

00:15:07.920 it had flooding in it uh from uh some uh the guy who lived upstairs was leaving his unit decided he

00:15:15.880 wanted to take the washing machine with him couldn't figure out how to unhook it ripped it

00:15:20.400 out of the wall just ripped it out of the wall just aborted that thing right out of the wall

00:15:28.720 broke a pipe in the wall and flooded a bunch of units downstairs one of those is my the place that i

00:15:34.580 own so we've had to remodel it but my tenant decided to stick with me she didn't move out

00:15:42.040 blah blah blah anyway so i got to stop in and see that place and uh it looks really nice

00:15:46.080 and the guys who did the construction on it were the same dudes parties that i went to on friday night

00:15:52.500 so a little full circle there uh you know uh the first gay guy i ever met and uh and his brother who

00:16:00.220 was my uh close friend actually growing up we're good buddies um so anyway what else man

00:16:06.480 then saturday uh saturday was christmas eve i got up and did a yoga class didn't want to do that

00:16:13.320 oh miserable miserable in there saw this actually saw this beautiful girl that i knew from growing up

00:16:21.300 in my hometown uh she bought me a coffee she bought me a coffee and i drank it slowly bruh i'll tell you

00:16:29.280 that dude i drank that coffee slow baby boy drip drip you want to talk about that slow drip man i let it

00:16:41.600 just ah

00:16:42.680 so that was cool went to the yoga class um then it was saturday man it was saturday and i got

00:16:57.380 uh i came back to baton rouge um and i went up to natchez mississippi i don't know if you have ever

00:17:05.600 been up to natchez mississippi but i mean it is very uh it is just almost i don't want to say slave

00:17:16.780 times up there you know but it is a deep south you know um pretty just black and white city you know

00:17:25.780 like most southern cities are just you know kind of black and white or have been for a long time as

00:17:30.700 far as the the main two ethnicities so that's what you see there but this one i mean whereas

00:17:36.660 uh in in natchez you see i mean it's just like i mean the white people act like it's a hundred years

00:17:45.220 ago and the black people act like it's a hundred years like you'll have black people that talk to you

00:17:50.300 like you're like i'm just you know walking into walmart you know doing some last minute uh

00:17:55.860 cheaper christmas shopping and uh you know you'll meet a black guy who talks like he's an indentured

00:18:02.960 servant like yes sir yes i'm like what is going on here you know like everybody's got to evolve in

00:18:11.700 this town you know everybody's got to evolve here you know so that was baffling you know

00:18:19.400 you got a guy pop out of the bush he's like you got any news from the north i'm like dude you guys

00:18:27.940 been free for a hundred years let's get out of here but that was fun man i had a good time catching

00:18:35.600 up uh with some family i used to work on a farm up there used to be a farmer i remember um i worked

00:18:43.020 on a farm soybean cotton corn driving tractor hauling seed killing snakes snake growing up i had a buddy

00:18:53.560 in my town he loved hunting snake he was tough too one of the toughest kids in our town but he had a

00:18:59.660 lift he had a lift he had a lift and he'd be like i'm gonna hunt me some snakes and he was saying

00:19:08.920 snakes but he couldn't say it but you couldn't look at him like he couldn't say it because he would

00:19:15.380 whoop your ass he would whoop your ass so you know how hard it is to hunt snake and not be able to laugh

00:19:28.500 unbelievable unbelievable dude those snakes we're gonna get these snakes

00:19:37.760 ah crazy times so it's been some time up there mississippi had a great time actually just catching

00:19:45.900 up um my buddy used to work on a farm up there whose farm whose farm i used to work on he died

00:19:51.940 he died a while back man um good guy a lot of people in my life died you know they did people

00:19:58.640 just you know i guess i'm just a good luck john

00:20:01.200 but uh yeah but actually we'll switch actually we're gonna switch songs right here a little more

00:20:11.420 george michael dead at 53 uh very sad man this one hit me you know you don't know who's gonna hit

00:20:18.140 you this one hit me man remember this song oh

00:20:22.680 yeah

00:20:27.700 oh that keyboard that yacht rock they call this music yacht rock

00:20:38.640 oh god this song it made me feel like i was on vacation

00:20:44.700 this beat

00:20:47.280 hear that calypso in the back i think that's what it's called i'm making shit up

00:20:53.760 they always had that button on the keyboard calypso

00:20:57.020 oh that song man father figure but that makes me think of my buddy whose farm i worked on

00:21:11.820 the guy was like a father figure to me man um he was and he passed away he got a he's got a family

00:21:18.760 up there now in natchez uh so anyway i was spending time with them and we shared a lot of great stories

00:21:24.660 um dude i'll tell you one story they had this guy

00:21:28.040 um

00:21:29.800 ronnie

00:21:31.140 oh no johnny he was the yard man right this brother

00:21:35.360 big afro brother you know and he was the yard man he came in

00:21:39.300 you know tended to the yard and took care of the yard this was

00:21:42.140 you know 15 20 years ago 20 years ago maybe more 25

00:21:46.260 but johnny would come and he had the biggest afro

00:21:50.000 well one weekend johnny was painting the fence around the swimming pool you know

00:21:55.420 and so we're out there uh because a lot of sparrows in the springtime a lot of sparrows

00:22:01.460 if you had long hair or big hair or if you had a uh

00:22:05.560 you know something flashy in your hair like a

00:22:08.480 like a bow or like a spinner bait

00:22:10.780 maybe they got caught up in your uh in your head trap

00:22:14.480 you know uh because some of the girls in these rural areas would wear a little spinner bait in their hair

00:22:20.280 you know trying to catch a man that was kind of the idea

00:22:23.540 but um but big johnny was out there and he was very rubenesque this guy i mean he was always sweating

00:22:30.540 you know he could be he could be in the freezer section at the piggly wiggly and still be just a perspiring

00:22:38.260 so big johnny get out there and he's painting this fence you know

00:22:44.020 and it was just each each fence was just a two by two boards all the way around this fence and he was painting it

00:22:49.720 picket fence

00:22:50.560 around the swimming pool

00:22:52.400 but he's come in the house and he said hey now

00:22:55.380 he said they got these two uh

00:22:57.460 tennis rackets here

00:22:59.280 badminton rackets actually you know badminton rackets

00:23:02.140 all all wand no racket

00:23:05.000 you know give me some fucking racket

00:23:07.320 what am i supposed to do with the badminton flip eggs

00:23:09.960 i think a piece of shit

00:23:11.060 give me a racket

00:23:12.540 you know that's the kind of guy i am i bring a tennis racket to a badminton match dude

00:23:17.680 you know

00:23:18.820 so

00:23:21.340 anyway

00:23:22.160 we're out there

00:23:23.320 uh ronnie the sparrows was attacking his hair

00:23:26.520 they probably had

00:23:28.400 400 sparrows in the area

00:23:30.980 attacking his hair

00:23:33.200 because he had this big beautiful afro

00:23:34.980 you know

00:23:36.080 i mean you know and they think it's that's nesting material so they're flying down

00:23:40.260 me and one of the kids

00:23:42.080 um

00:23:43.240 we're fending them off

00:23:45.520 so we're out there just you know

00:23:48.780 this is our u.s open out here

00:23:50.720 we're out here just beating sparrows

00:23:53.360 you know

00:23:54.460 trying to beat them out of a man's hair

00:23:56.600 you know

00:23:58.460 and i'm no olympian dude

00:24:00.740 but i've uh

00:24:01.740 i've beaten some sparrows out of an afro

00:24:04.320 that's for damn sure

00:24:05.580 in 95 degree heat in mississippi

00:24:08.700 you better be damn sure i have man

00:24:10.960 because i'm not afraid to look for a father figure

00:24:14.080 so that was that

00:24:24.980 that was that

00:24:26.960 what else man

00:24:29.400 we moved on

00:24:31.040 we moved on

00:24:31.640 that was uh

00:24:32.260 so that was back in natchez

00:24:33.500 we had a good time there saturday night

00:24:35.180 uh did christmas eve there

00:24:37.120 um

00:24:38.160 and that was beautiful man

00:24:39.600 we went to church on saturday

00:24:40.840 that was really nice

00:24:41.900 but honestly i was

00:24:44.320 i got angry in church man

00:24:45.820 the band was too loud

00:24:47.020 they got 19 musicians on the stage

00:24:49.980 i'm in church

00:24:51.200 i don't need this

00:24:52.880 i need a woman up there singing

00:24:55.180 that's what i want

00:24:56.680 give me some hallelujah

00:24:59.180 give me some silent night

00:25:00.580 holy night

00:25:03.540 they had seven inch four guitars

00:25:06.120 a dude in a drum set

00:25:08.380 behind a big cage

00:25:09.480 in like a aquarium

00:25:11.040 some of the

00:25:11.620 what is going on here

00:25:13.440 just every

00:25:15.120 and it's a small church

00:25:16.040 but it wanted to be like a mega church

00:25:17.480 i don't know

00:25:17.800 i love the church

00:25:18.640 the church was actually awesome

00:25:20.500 it just

00:25:20.960 the music

00:25:22.220 but i let it get to me

00:25:23.280 so then i'm

00:25:23.940 you know

00:25:24.360 i'm there

00:25:24.880 i'm agitated

00:25:25.680 i'm agitated

00:25:26.700 that's my fault

00:25:27.600 i let it get to me

00:25:28.920 i'm agitated

00:25:29.760 so then i'm the grumpy dude in church

00:25:32.540 you know

00:25:33.040 scoffing at people

00:25:34.820 start looking around

00:25:36.540 i can't believe she wore that

00:25:38.480 just bad

00:25:40.840 so things got weird there

00:25:41.920 what else

00:25:42.740 um

00:25:44.740 oh i spoke to one of the drunkest guys

00:25:47.780 i've ever talked to

00:25:48.740 this weekend

00:25:49.880 man that's always alarming

00:25:51.240 when a guy's just so drunk

00:25:52.900 he's

00:25:53.240 he's telling you nine different stories at once

00:25:56.720 he's treating you like a friend one second

00:25:58.420 then an enemy to the next

00:25:59.600 just too much

00:26:01.000 you know

00:26:01.940 drinking's for children

00:26:03.440 that's what i say man

00:26:04.580 drinking's for children

00:26:05.980 uh

00:26:08.000 what else man

00:26:09.800 still good

00:26:11.920 had a good time

00:26:12.680 man

00:26:12.840 you know

00:26:13.420 woke up on uh

00:26:14.780 did christmas eve there in mississippi

00:26:16.140 had a great time

00:26:16.900 woke up

00:26:17.460 um

00:26:18.460 you know

00:26:19.040 still masturbation free

00:26:20.240 i'm still on the uh

00:26:21.500 i'm still on the

00:26:22.880 no masturbation train

00:26:24.440 no pornography

00:26:25.640 you know

00:26:27.260 no pornography for me

00:26:29.880 you know

00:26:30.560 god

00:26:30.940 thank god no george michael

00:26:32.300 was playing on christmas eve

00:26:33.520 that uh

00:26:34.140 oh i can't even stay on the erect

00:26:36.380 during that

00:26:37.060 you know

00:26:37.600 so

00:26:39.320 yep we did that

00:26:41.400 uh

00:26:42.180 christmas day

00:26:43.740 drove

00:26:44.880 down

00:26:45.740 saw my nieces and nephews

00:26:46.960 here in baton rouge

00:26:47.920 they're beautiful

00:26:48.560 they're funny

00:26:49.160 you know

00:26:50.000 they're kids

00:26:50.660 i mean

00:26:51.680 they're just

00:26:52.260 they're kids

00:26:53.080 man

00:26:53.400 they're great

00:26:53.900 and then i went to uh

00:26:56.020 my hometown

00:26:56.760 decided to go to my old neighborhood

00:26:59.520 man

00:27:00.060 drove into my old neighborhood

00:27:01.600 where i grew up

00:27:03.800 mcgee street

00:27:05.020 there in covington louisiana

00:27:07.200 i mean that place

00:27:09.060 a lot of negative

00:27:10.620 i gotta you know

00:27:11.340 that's where i caught the school bus dude

00:27:13.440 when i used to listen to this man

00:27:14.920 the man

00:27:15.620 understand me

00:27:21.560 oh this song got me too

00:27:26.540 they can be

00:27:30.960 oh

00:27:32.360 oh

00:27:33.360 father figure

00:27:40.260 i didn't have one growing up man

00:27:41.860 so i needed one

00:27:42.600 and so when that song came on

00:27:43.760 it really

00:27:44.180 it resonated in me

00:27:45.540 you know

00:27:46.560 it kind of made my

00:27:47.440 uh

00:27:47.840 emotions erect

00:27:49.060 you know

00:27:50.360 just fully erect here

00:27:51.760 listening to george michael

00:27:52.900 not now

00:27:53.420 but back then

00:27:54.140 but yeah

00:27:55.400 nobody in my neighborhood

00:27:56.340 had really had a father figure

00:27:57.500 so i went back to visit

00:27:58.620 the old neighborhood

00:27:59.480 i parked in my old

00:28:00.960 my mother's old parking spot

00:28:02.380 my mom drove a ford festiva

00:28:04.160 used to deliver

00:28:05.900 newspapers and magazines

00:28:07.540 out of that thing

00:28:08.500 bruh

00:28:09.340 she liked a ford festiva

00:28:11.600 that's a little bitty car

00:28:12.580 looked like a roller skate

00:28:13.680 you know

00:28:14.140 looked like somebody

00:28:14.820 knocked up a roller skate

00:28:16.120 my mother drove that

00:28:17.140 you know

00:28:18.320 she had to have a car

00:28:19.040 that she could drive

00:28:19.840 and beat us in

00:28:20.700 at the same time

00:28:21.700 bruh

00:28:22.320 she could be

00:28:22.860 we could have all four

00:28:23.740 of us in that car

00:28:24.520 and she could hit

00:28:25.540 from the driver's seat

00:28:26.560 she could

00:28:27.020 successfully

00:28:28.320 whoop all of our asses

00:28:29.960 and we deserved it too

00:28:31.180 probably

00:28:31.620 95% of the time

00:28:33.420 you know

00:28:34.600 she wouldn't have had to do it

00:28:35.460 if we would have had a

00:28:36.300 so i visited the old neighborhood

00:28:44.980 man i parked

00:28:45.660 i parked my car

00:28:46.840 i had a lot of negative feelings

00:28:48.100 from that neighborhood

00:28:48.660 had some good stuff too

00:28:50.320 we had a good time

00:28:51.020 i mean it was a

00:28:51.760 you know it was an

00:28:52.560 american neighborhood

00:28:53.440 we played football

00:28:54.380 and there was

00:28:55.220 you know we played

00:28:56.260 in the backyard

00:28:56.860 we played in the street

00:28:58.080 that's when you were kids

00:29:00.040 when you played in the street

00:29:01.220 that was a real neighborhood

00:29:02.400 we'd go down to the church

00:29:03.760 parking lot and play

00:29:04.940 you could hear other kids

00:29:06.560 getting beaten

00:29:07.300 if their windows were open

00:29:08.680 in their houses

00:29:09.980 you know people got

00:29:10.720 their ass whooped

00:29:11.560 a couple of pedophiles

00:29:15.760 in a neighborhood

00:29:16.660 you know

00:29:17.260 they'd stop by

00:29:18.400 and give you that card

00:29:19.340 you know

00:29:20.300 they gotta let you know

00:29:21.100 they had the law

00:29:21.740 in louisiana

00:29:22.420 you gotta let

00:29:23.120 if you're a pedophile

00:29:23.940 you gotta stop by

00:29:25.220 introduce yourself

00:29:26.760 hey

00:29:28.020 i'm mark

00:29:29.120 i'm new in the area

00:29:30.900 not by choice

00:29:32.620 a lot of them

00:29:36.080 got signed up

00:29:36.760 i think halfway houses

00:29:37.900 and stuff

00:29:38.340 they were in our

00:29:38.920 neighborhoods

00:29:39.340 and stuff like that

00:29:40.500 you know

00:29:41.800 people in recovery

00:29:42.560 people trying to

00:29:43.120 make themselves better

00:29:43.760 i think that's a

00:29:44.360 tough thing to beat

00:29:45.120 though that rap

00:29:45.920 but yeah

00:29:48.520 we used to play kickball

00:29:49.300 with a couple of

00:29:49.800 pedophiles in our

00:29:50.720 neighborhood

00:29:51.140 just throw the ball

00:29:53.840 Larry

00:29:54.420 you're not getting

00:29:55.820 this ass

00:29:56.720 you know

00:29:57.140 because once you knew

00:29:58.080 they were pedophiles

00:29:59.060 everybody was off the

00:30:00.120 hook

00:30:00.420 you know

00:30:01.700 it was when you

00:30:02.240 didn't know

00:30:02.660 they could trick you

00:30:03.560 ah

00:30:05.200 but yeah

00:30:05.740 it was you know

00:30:06.380 it was a hectic

00:30:08.100 neighborhood

00:30:08.580 you know

00:30:09.780 family down the street

00:30:11.320 shirtless

00:30:11.980 the whole family

00:30:12.760 shirtless

00:30:13.420 zero shirts

00:30:14.640 if you're thinking

00:30:16.060 about a shirt right now

00:30:17.040 you're wrong

00:30:17.740 a couple Elvis

00:30:19.600 impersonators in the

00:30:20.620 area

00:30:20.980 you know

00:30:21.820 but anyway

00:30:22.660 i parked my car

00:30:23.400 i got out

00:30:24.000 and i just started

00:30:25.740 walking down the

00:30:26.440 block man

00:30:27.040 you know

00:30:27.480 i'm a nostalgia

00:30:28.600 hunter

00:30:29.020 i love nostalgia

00:30:30.380 so i'm walking

00:30:31.060 down the block

00:30:31.780 looking at the

00:30:32.960 houses

00:30:33.400 and the

00:30:34.020 apartments

00:30:34.720 and stuff

00:30:35.180 where we used

00:30:35.560 to live

00:30:36.060 walked up to

00:30:37.320 my old apartment

00:30:37.940 that i used to

00:30:38.420 live in

00:30:38.720 i almost knocked

00:30:39.320 on the door

00:30:39.840 i don't know

00:30:41.120 what i was gonna

00:30:41.500 say though

00:30:42.020 at first i was

00:30:42.740 gonna be like

00:30:43.000 i used to live

00:30:43.580 here

00:30:43.840 but i didn't

00:30:44.320 have a

00:30:44.680 secondary sentence

00:30:46.000 i didn't have

00:30:46.360 a backup plan

00:30:47.660 but then i got

00:30:49.380 by the door

00:30:49.860 and i saw

00:30:50.460 they had some

00:30:51.160 little rebel flags

00:30:52.360 in the window

00:30:52.920 i don't

00:30:53.480 i didn't

00:30:54.820 i'm not that

00:30:56.220 i'm not

00:30:56.780 that's

00:30:57.080 you know

00:30:57.640 that's not my

00:30:58.200 life

00:30:58.520 so

00:30:59.940 and not that

00:31:01.340 those people are

00:31:01.820 bad people

00:31:02.480 you know

00:31:02.800 when you're poor

00:31:03.360 you just

00:31:03.820 you know

00:31:04.320 everybody wants

00:31:04.920 an emblem

00:31:05.340 you know

00:31:06.040 when you're rich

00:31:07.200 you might wear

00:31:08.340 mercedes-benz earrings

00:31:09.640 or something like

00:31:10.300 that

00:31:10.620 you know

00:31:11.760 people relate to

00:31:12.660 what they got

00:31:13.860 you know

00:31:14.820 what they have

00:31:15.460 or whatever

00:31:15.860 so i'm not

00:31:16.420 judging those people

00:31:17.560 but i just felt

00:31:18.240 like this isn't

00:31:19.420 you know

00:31:20.240 i don't want to

00:31:21.280 get shot

00:31:21.840 shit i got on

00:31:22.680 a nice shirt

00:31:23.440 you know

00:31:24.240 i got on

00:31:24.940 a button up

00:31:25.840 i don't want to

00:31:26.740 scare anybody

00:31:27.600 around here

00:31:28.320 you know

00:31:29.060 if i come across

00:31:29.700 another young man

00:31:30.660 who doesn't have

00:31:31.220 a

00:31:31.520 so uh

00:31:43.840 so anyway

00:31:44.160 i walked around

00:31:44.540 the neighborhood

00:31:44.760 then i i was

00:31:45.740 getting back in

00:31:46.160 my car

00:31:46.600 i was gonna

00:31:46.860 leave

00:31:47.380 because somebody

00:31:48.100 started yelling

00:31:48.860 two people were

00:31:50.840 fighting about a

00:31:51.440 parking spot

00:31:52.140 there's a million

00:31:52.780 parking spots

00:31:53.540 people are fighting

00:31:54.020 because nobody

00:31:54.500 you can park

00:31:55.940 anywhere in this

00:31:56.560 shithole

00:31:57.060 um

00:31:58.320 and it was a

00:32:00.200 shithole

00:32:00.400 i'm not saying

00:32:00.800 that negatively

00:32:01.260 so you know

00:32:01.720 i mean it

00:32:02.160 it was just

00:32:02.960 that's what it

00:32:03.480 was you know

00:32:04.060 it was

00:32:04.340 it was pretty

00:32:05.520 it was an

00:32:06.100 impoverished

00:32:06.800 neighborhood

00:32:07.480 impoverished

00:32:08.260 neighborhood

00:32:08.660 uh but then i

00:32:10.100 i walked up to

00:32:10.860 some people there

00:32:11.480 and i just said

00:32:11.940 hello

00:32:12.280 hey

00:32:12.740 what's up

00:32:14.420 and we started

00:32:15.040 chatting

00:32:15.540 i didn't know

00:32:16.280 them

00:32:16.480 but they lived

00:32:17.620 in the area

00:32:18.100 now

00:32:18.640 we chatted

00:32:20.040 for about 20

00:32:20.620 minutes

00:32:21.440 together

00:32:21.880 uh

00:32:22.860 so i kind

00:32:23.880 of reconnected

00:32:24.560 a little bit

00:32:25.100 you know

00:32:25.680 it reminded me

00:32:26.340 a little bit

00:32:26.800 of uh

00:32:27.160 the past

00:32:27.660 so it was good

00:32:28.260 i love nostalgia

00:32:29.380 man going to

00:32:29.940 visit the past

00:32:30.700 um

00:32:31.900 love that kind

00:32:32.920 of stuff

00:32:33.360 what else

00:32:34.060 uh

00:32:35.500 reading in the

00:32:36.580 news today

00:32:37.220 they're not

00:32:38.340 talking about

00:32:38.720 russia anymore

00:32:39.420 thank god

00:32:39.820 russia

00:32:40.340 really

00:32:40.880 fuck the news

00:32:42.800 bro

00:32:43.160 they want to

00:32:44.220 talk about

00:32:44.480 fake news

00:32:45.020 it's all

00:32:45.440 fake news

00:32:46.220 cnn

00:32:47.060 msnb

00:32:47.820 all of it

00:32:48.300 it's all

00:32:48.740 bullshit

00:32:49.260 they're selling

00:32:50.580 it's all

00:32:51.720 advertising

00:32:53.120 freedom of the

00:32:54.060 press

00:32:54.300 i'm fine

00:32:54.780 but not

00:32:55.160 this way

00:32:55.720 these people

00:32:56.780 are just

00:32:57.080 scaring everybody

00:32:57.940 every day

00:32:58.260 look at the

00:32:58.640 front page

00:32:59.100 every day

00:32:59.620 any combination

00:33:01.300 of words

00:33:01.720 they can have

00:33:02.260 to scare us

00:33:02.980 i don't believe

00:33:04.060 any of that

00:33:04.580 bullshit

00:33:05.040 it's sad

00:33:06.420 i used to

00:33:06.800 love cnn

00:33:07.400 i used to

00:33:08.060 love their

00:33:08.320 website

00:33:08.700 i would go

00:33:09.100 there for

00:33:09.420 news

00:33:09.620 but now

00:33:10.040 it's just

00:33:10.400 all

00:33:10.760 hate

00:33:11.800 it's all

00:33:12.320 hatred

00:33:12.720 you know

00:33:13.500 i just

00:33:14.800 don't get

00:33:15.220 it

00:33:15.360 russia

00:33:15.860 russia

00:33:16.340 really russia

00:33:17.160 is coming

00:33:17.520 what is russia

00:33:18.460 gonna do

00:33:19.080 russia

00:33:19.780 they're still

00:33:21.060 using our

00:33:21.460 old blenders

00:33:22.260 from 40

00:33:22.880 years ago

00:33:23.580 they're still

00:33:24.940 eating

00:33:25.200 straight

00:33:26.020 cornmeal

00:33:26.800 straight

00:33:27.920 not mixed

00:33:29.260 with water

00:33:29.840 they're not

00:33:31.200 come on

00:33:31.940 russia

00:33:32.440 come on

00:33:34.520 really

00:33:35.020 the kids

00:33:36.140 are playing

00:33:36.420 with stone

00:33:36.940 dolls

00:33:37.320 over there

00:33:37.700 dolls

00:33:38.100 made out

00:33:38.440 of stone

00:33:39.120 idiots

00:33:40.980 i just

00:33:41.620 don't

00:33:41.780 i can't

00:33:42.240 buy that

00:33:42.760 scaring

00:33:43.620 people

00:33:43.980 man

00:33:44.320 you know

00:33:45.580 and then

00:33:45.760 they had

00:33:46.040 giraffes

00:33:46.800 may disappear

00:33:47.740 that was

00:33:48.580 an article

00:33:48.960 today

00:33:49.400 animals

00:33:50.440 are becoming

00:33:50.880 extinct

00:33:51.480 you know

00:33:53.360 and then

00:33:54.300 everything

00:33:54.620 on there

00:33:54.980 is against

00:33:55.340 trump

00:33:55.640 which is

00:33:55.980 fine

00:33:56.260 you know

00:33:56.420 if they

00:33:56.600 want to

00:33:56.860 but they

00:33:57.300 wouldn't

00:33:57.540 do that

00:33:57.920 to you

00:33:58.340 know

00:33:58.520 other

00:33:59.040 president

00:33:59.420 give it

00:33:59.760 you know

00:34:00.080 the guy's

00:34:00.640 the fucking

00:34:00.960 president

00:34:01.320 oh well

00:34:01.860 quit crying

00:34:03.100 you know

00:34:05.240 if hillary's

00:34:05.800 the president

00:34:06.160 who you know

00:34:06.920 no matter who

00:34:08.520 it is

00:34:08.760 quit crying

00:34:09.280 move on

00:34:09.980 what are you

00:34:10.940 gonna do

00:34:11.280 live in the

00:34:11.700 past

00:34:12.140 quit crying

00:34:14.500 but giraffes

00:34:16.160 may disappear

00:34:17.100 and frogs

00:34:18.560 too

00:34:19.040 that's what

00:34:19.720 it said

00:34:20.160 giraffes

00:34:21.600 may be

00:34:22.060 extinct

00:34:22.680 dot dot dot

00:34:23.880 and frogs

00:34:25.300 too

00:34:25.620 really

00:34:26.080 frogs

00:34:27.140 bro i'm in

00:34:28.100 south louisiana

00:34:28.780 right now

00:34:29.120 open the front

00:34:29.720 door

00:34:30.020 you can see

00:34:30.760 nine frogs

00:34:31.780 bro

00:34:32.060 nine frogs

00:34:33.800 from the front

00:34:34.480 door

00:34:34.740 you want a frog

00:34:35.600 you want a sample

00:34:37.200 dude i'll get

00:34:38.400 two of them

00:34:38.760 to make love

00:34:39.280 in the front

00:34:39.740 yard

00:34:40.020 and i'll solve

00:34:40.540 that problem

00:34:41.060 right here

00:34:41.620 frogs ain't

00:34:43.000 disappearing

00:34:43.480 you're out of

00:34:43.820 your fucking

00:34:44.320 mind

00:34:44.820 the news

00:34:46.600 is out of

00:34:47.240 their mind

00:34:47.580 i wouldn't

00:34:47.820 i don't

00:34:48.080 i don't

00:34:48.380 believe any

00:34:48.740 of it

00:34:49.100 i believe

00:34:51.060 people that

00:34:51.520 i trust

00:34:52.100 that's what

00:34:52.640 i believe

00:34:53.040 people that

00:34:53.480 i trust

00:34:53.940 and i believe

00:34:54.400 my own

00:34:54.720 instincts

00:34:55.180 and i believe

00:34:55.640 what i see

00:34:56.140 and feel

00:34:56.540 with my own

00:34:56.960 eyes and

00:34:57.360 heart

00:34:57.680 i'm not an

00:34:59.040 idiot

00:34:59.240 yeah there's

00:34:59.600 stuff you

00:34:59.880 can learn

00:35:00.380 you know

00:35:01.120 you can expand

00:35:01.660 your mind

00:35:02.160 but don't

00:35:03.460 listen to these

00:35:03.920 news

00:35:04.180 they're selling

00:35:04.600 the advertising

00:35:05.300 the johnson

00:35:07.100 and johnson

00:35:07.680 they're selling

00:35:08.380 shaman commercials

00:35:09.460 anybody that's

00:35:10.500 selling you

00:35:10.900 something

00:35:11.240 they got a

00:35:12.320 motive

00:35:12.600 freedom of the

00:35:13.820 press i wish

00:35:14.380 they'd shut

00:35:14.800 these assholes

00:35:15.420 up i'm just

00:35:16.460 sick of it

00:35:17.160 because it's

00:35:17.740 not news

00:35:18.240 it's just

00:35:18.600 fear

00:35:18.980 they're inciting

00:35:20.020 fear

00:35:20.480 you know

00:35:21.740 the world

00:35:22.980 isn't as bad

00:35:24.540 as it is

00:35:25.120 as they say

00:35:25.880 it is

00:35:26.400 you know

00:35:27.580 i just

00:35:29.480 i don't know

00:35:30.200 i try to

00:35:31.080 stay off it

00:35:31.480 but the problem

00:35:31.880 is we're

00:35:32.160 addicted

00:35:32.500 we're addicted

00:35:33.040 to the

00:35:33.360 you know

00:35:34.160 to absorb

00:35:35.280 and all

00:35:35.680 of this

00:35:36.020 i don't

00:35:36.320 know how

00:35:36.480 to beat

00:35:36.760 that

00:35:37.120 i'm gonna

00:35:37.860 start working

00:35:38.280 on it

00:35:38.580 i think

00:35:38.980 i hope

00:35:39.520 but yeah

00:35:41.420 george michael

00:35:42.000 gone bro

00:35:42.940 god that

00:35:43.940 father figure

00:35:44.700 who's next

00:35:50.740 though

00:35:51.040 who do you

00:35:51.420 think's next

00:35:51.940 dude

00:35:52.280 somebody said

00:35:53.400 steven tyler

00:35:54.300 this morning

00:35:54.820 no way

00:35:55.480 no way

00:35:56.880 steven that

00:35:57.300 guy'll live

00:35:57.720 forever

00:35:58.100 huh

00:35:58.420 steven tyler

00:35:59.800 i can't

00:36:05.540 sing

00:36:05.780 i'm

00:36:05.920 whatever

00:36:06.940 natalie

00:36:07.580 merchant

00:36:08.000 huh

00:36:08.300 i don't

00:36:08.560 even know

00:36:08.720 who that

00:36:09.000 is

00:36:09.340 little

00:36:10.500 wayne

00:36:11.000 he's been

00:36:11.240 having

00:36:11.440 seizures

00:36:11.960 little

00:36:12.380 wayne's

00:36:12.700 been having

00:36:13.000 seizures

00:36:13.420 guys

00:36:13.900 he's got

00:36:14.620 a dull

00:36:14.960 asthma

00:36:15.400 he could

00:36:16.600 be out

00:36:17.000 who's next

00:36:17.480 huh

00:36:17.760 one of the

00:36:18.440 marley

00:36:18.800 brothers

00:36:19.140 ziggy

00:36:19.700 snappy

00:36:20.600 huh

00:36:21.440 smoky

00:36:22.140 you gotta

00:36:23.700 think dude

00:36:24.320 that much

00:36:24.800 weed

00:36:25.140 that much

00:36:25.540 relaxation

00:36:26.240 you could

00:36:27.480 easily catch

00:36:28.160 something that

00:36:28.560 could kill

00:36:28.900 you

00:36:29.160 george michael

00:36:31.100 died i think

00:36:31.480 he said it

00:36:31.740 was heart

00:36:32.080 failure

00:36:32.500 you know

00:36:33.160 it makes

00:36:33.380 you wonder

00:36:33.780 drugs could

00:36:34.560 have been

00:36:34.960 could have

00:36:35.260 been

00:36:35.560 all right

00:36:38.040 and we're

00:36:38.360 back i uh

00:36:39.480 the thing got

00:36:40.420 the battery

00:36:41.380 died on the

00:36:42.620 on the recorder

00:36:43.520 i think it's a

00:36:44.600 sign that maybe

00:36:45.140 it's time to

00:36:45.580 shut it down

00:36:46.080 but yeah they

00:36:46.740 said frogs

00:36:47.400 and giraffes

00:36:48.420 extinct

00:36:48.880 giraffe

00:36:51.000 fucking

00:36:51.840 giraffes

00:36:52.640 bro

00:36:52.880 talk about

00:36:54.280 an animal

00:36:54.940 that slid

00:36:56.360 by solely

00:36:57.460 on its

00:36:59.160 looks

00:36:59.680 name one

00:37:02.140 thing a

00:37:02.540 giraffe has

00:37:03.100 ever done

00:37:03.640 there's never

00:37:04.940 even been a

00:37:05.600 show like

00:37:06.200 where they

00:37:06.480 did you

00:37:07.880 know like

00:37:08.140 every animal

00:37:08.620 like usually

00:37:09.060 has a tv

00:37:09.560 show where

00:37:10.040 like they

00:37:10.300 had lassie

00:37:11.060 they had

00:37:11.300 the one

00:37:11.480 with the

00:37:11.720 dolphins

00:37:12.160 they had

00:37:12.640 you know

00:37:13.180 where they

00:37:13.460 help out

00:37:13.940 where they

00:37:14.220 save the

00:37:14.720 day

00:37:15.040 giraffes

00:37:16.060 never had

00:37:16.640 that

00:37:16.840 fucking

00:37:17.160 they just

00:37:18.320 don't have

00:37:18.700 that

00:37:18.920 uh

00:37:19.120 they

00:37:19.260 giraffe ain't

00:37:20.660 saving the

00:37:21.380 fucking

00:37:21.740 day

00:37:22.280 they're not

00:37:24.560 giraffe

00:37:25.480 no animal

00:37:27.060 has slid

00:37:27.620 by on its

00:37:28.140 awkward looks

00:37:28.940 more than

00:37:29.320 giraffes

00:37:29.960 bro

00:37:30.200 more than

00:37:31.620 giraffes

00:37:32.140 i'm trying to

00:37:32.520 think of

00:37:32.740 somebody to

00:37:33.180 compare them

00:37:33.700 to

00:37:33.940 you know

00:37:35.180 somebody that

00:37:36.420 you know

00:37:36.800 has like an

00:37:37.300 awkward or

00:37:37.900 unique look

00:37:38.720 and that's

00:37:39.160 what gets

00:37:39.540 them through

00:37:39.980 that's it

00:37:41.240 you know

00:37:42.800 i can't think

00:37:44.540 of anybody

00:37:44.800 at the moment

00:37:45.300 what else

00:37:46.940 uh

00:37:47.240 i got

00:37:47.500 i'm doing

00:37:48.180 the uh

00:37:49.000 new year's

00:37:50.080 eve

00:37:50.260 i'm doing

00:37:50.640 amy schumer's

00:37:51.480 show

00:37:51.780 in

00:37:52.680 new orleans

00:37:53.880 here in my

00:37:54.820 home city

00:37:55.240 i was gonna

00:37:55.520 go back

00:37:55.920 home

00:37:56.280 uh

00:37:57.060 to los

00:37:57.420 angeles

00:37:57.800 but

00:37:58.180 i'm staying

00:37:59.400 here in

00:37:59.720 louisiana

00:38:00.220 i'm gonna

00:38:00.460 do that

00:38:01.100 uh

00:38:02.240 as far as

00:38:02.640 i know

00:38:03.120 and

00:38:04.600 what else

00:38:05.640 fucking

00:38:07.500 giraffes

00:38:08.320 though

00:38:08.520 really

00:38:08.840 look at

00:38:09.440 them

00:38:09.620 look at

00:38:11.400 them

00:38:11.640 the spots

00:38:13.160 and the

00:38:13.500 neck

00:38:13.780 that never

00:38:14.300 ends

00:38:14.680 i mean

00:38:15.980 you try to

00:38:17.520 put them

00:38:17.700 in a

00:38:17.920 headlock

00:38:18.360 it could

00:38:18.660 take you

00:38:18.960 45 minutes

00:38:20.020 bro

00:38:20.240 think about

00:38:20.700 that

00:38:21.020 you gotta

00:38:21.660 use your

00:38:22.020 whole body

00:38:22.840 to put them

00:38:23.260 in a

00:38:23.460 headlock

00:38:23.940 because you

00:38:25.420 gotta get

00:38:25.740 them around

00:38:26.060 the neck

00:38:26.540 you know

00:38:28.360 giraffes

00:38:31.080 doing those

00:38:32.460 long

00:38:32.920 legs

00:38:33.240 i don't like

00:38:34.480 them

00:38:34.600 i guess

00:38:34.940 i don't

00:38:35.120 like

00:38:35.320 them

00:38:35.420 i didn't

00:38:35.620 know

00:38:35.760 i didn't

00:38:35.980 like

00:38:36.160 them

00:38:36.280 really

00:38:36.420 till

00:38:36.580 just

00:38:36.800 now

00:38:37.100 when i'm

00:38:38.020 really

00:38:38.180 bringing

00:38:38.460 it up

00:38:38.660 who's

00:38:38.880 gonna

00:38:39.000 die

00:38:39.340 though

00:38:39.500 who's

00:38:39.700 the next

00:38:39.960 celebrity

00:38:40.320 to go

00:38:40.760 i know

00:38:41.700 it's

00:38:41.920 i know

00:38:42.140 it's

00:38:42.360 dark

00:38:42.800 but

00:38:43.380 who's

00:38:44.180 the next

00:38:44.440 one

00:38:44.620 to go

00:38:45.000 huh

00:38:45.300 who's

00:38:46.700 the next

00:38:46.960 one

00:38:47.160 to go

00:38:47.420 i think

00:38:47.880 honestly

00:38:48.660 i hate

00:38:48.960 to say

00:38:49.220 it's

00:38:49.400 gonna be

00:38:49.640 the golden

00:38:50.080 girl

00:38:50.320 it's

00:38:50.460 gonna

00:38:50.580 be

00:38:50.740 betty

00:38:51.000 white

00:38:51.300 i think

00:38:52.880 betty

00:38:53.200 white's

00:38:53.540 next

00:38:53.900 i just

00:38:54.660 i felt

00:38:55.120 it

00:38:55.280 last

00:38:55.600 year

00:38:55.880 i'd

00:38:56.140 have

00:38:56.200 put

00:38:56.300 money

00:38:56.520 on

00:38:56.720 it

00:38:56.860 i would

00:38:57.580 have

00:38:57.680 put

00:38:57.820 money

00:38:58.060 on

00:38:58.280 it

00:38:58.540 but

00:38:59.540 uh

00:38:59.900 but

00:39:00.600 i

00:39:00.720 didn't

00:39:01.080 you know

00:39:01.820 i

00:39:02.400 didn't

00:39:02.700 maybe

00:39:02.880 russia

00:39:03.360 will

00:39:03.600 kill

00:39:03.820 her

00:39:03.940 huh

00:39:04.180 wonder

00:39:04.700 if

00:39:04.820 that's

00:39:04.980 gonna

00:39:05.080 be

00:39:05.200 a

00:39:05.320 news

00:39:05.520 story

00:39:05.860 russia

00:39:06.260 tries

00:39:06.580 to

00:39:06.740 kill

00:39:06.920 betty

00:39:07.220 white

00:39:07.520 fucking

00:39:08.640 news

00:39:09.100 eat

00:39:09.500 a can

00:39:09.840 of

00:39:10.040 snake

00:39:10.860 dicks

00:39:11.300 anyway

00:39:13.500 that's

00:39:14.240 about it

00:39:14.640 man

00:39:14.840 i'm gonna

00:39:15.100 shut it

00:39:15.460 down

00:39:15.620 that's

00:39:15.880 uh

00:39:16.240 that's

00:39:16.620 what i

00:39:16.800 did

00:39:16.900 this past

00:39:17.280 weekend

00:39:17.500 but i

00:39:17.720 wanna

00:39:17.880 you know

00:39:18.520 merry

00:39:18.980 christmas

00:39:19.320 to

00:39:19.460 everybody

00:39:19.820 you know

00:39:20.300 i hope

00:39:20.520 you guys

00:39:20.720 had a

00:39:20.940 good

00:39:21.100 one

00:39:21.340 if

00:39:21.960 you

00:39:22.080 didn't

00:39:22.860 um

00:39:23.300 it's

00:39:24.180 probably

00:39:24.560 it's

00:39:25.260 probably

00:39:25.460 your fault

00:39:25.980 you know

00:39:26.980 that's

00:39:27.700 what i'm

00:39:27.880 starting

00:39:28.120 to learn

00:39:28.400 if i'm

00:39:28.680 not having

00:39:34.700 bit

00:39:35.040 um

00:39:36.020 because in

00:39:37.000 the end

00:39:37.220 we're kind

00:39:37.540 of responsible

00:39:38.080 for you

00:39:39.020 know how

00:39:39.240 we feel

00:39:39.700 you know

00:39:40.580 uh

00:39:41.640 or how

00:39:41.960 we

00:39:42.180 you know

00:39:44.040 how we

00:39:44.400 let ourselves

00:39:44.960 feel

00:39:45.260 i think

00:39:45.780 that's

00:39:46.000 maybe

00:39:46.200 a better

00:39:46.620 way to

00:39:46.920 say it

00:39:47.260 but anyway

00:39:47.840 man

00:39:48.240 uh

00:39:49.860 happy holidays

00:39:50.600 to everybody

00:39:51.100 uh

00:39:51.840 the next

00:39:52.240 one will be

00:39:52.520 in the new

00:39:52.940 year

00:39:53.360 you notice

00:39:53.900 it comes

00:39:54.240 out on

00:39:54.540 the monday

00:39:54.900 morning

00:39:55.320 um

00:39:56.360 i fill you

00:39:57.740 in on what

00:39:57.980 happened

00:39:58.160 this past

00:39:58.560 weekend

00:39:58.800 i got

00:39:59.000 upcoming shows

00:39:59.520 virginia

00:39:59.960 beach

00:40:00.320 and then

00:40:00.700 in chicago

00:40:01.420 um

00:40:02.460 you can

00:40:02.680 find them

00:40:02.980 on

00:40:03.120 theovan.com

00:40:04.280 uh

00:40:05.160 also have

00:40:05.760 my shirts

00:40:06.260 on there

00:40:06.680 the brush

00:40:07.200 shirts

00:40:07.620 uh

00:40:08.440 we got

00:40:08.680 the new

00:40:08.960 album

00:40:09.240 coming

00:40:09.540 if you

00:40:09.760 want to

00:40:09.960 do some

00:40:10.260 art

00:40:10.460 hit me

00:40:10.760 up about

00:40:11.160 that

00:40:11.580 um

00:40:12.800 and just

00:40:14.060 keep trying

00:40:14.680 huh

00:40:14.940 just keep

00:40:15.860 trying

00:40:16.180 that's all

00:40:16.480 you can

00:40:16.700 do

00:40:16.940 don't give

00:40:17.460 up

00:40:17.680 huh

00:40:17.900 i don't

00:40:20.240 know why

00:40:20.420 i'm talking

00:40:20.700 like a

00:40:21.100 eh

00:40:21.540 huh

00:40:22.000 eh

00:40:22.600 i don't

00:40:23.480 fucking

00:40:23.760 know

00:40:24.000 dude

00:40:24.320 but i'm

00:40:25.040 gonna go

00:40:25.180 play with

00:40:25.400 my nieces

00:40:25.740 and nephews

00:40:26.380 i'm just

00:40:27.200 happy to

00:40:27.560 be here

00:40:27.960 uh

00:40:28.680 you guys

00:40:29.000 have a

00:40:29.220 good one

00:40:29.560 man

00:40:29.920 an

00:40:30.660 r.i.p

00:40:31.100 george

00:40:31.400 michael

00:40:34.280 play the

00:40:34.480 music

00:40:34.680 again

00:40:34.960 i'm just

00:40:35.220 gonna sing

00:40:35.640 a little

00:40:35.900 bar for

00:40:36.440 you right

00:40:36.820 here

00:40:37.520 i don't

00:40:39.320 need you

00:40:40.080 don't

00:40:40.600 need you

00:40:41.340 no lie

00:40:42.380 don't need

00:40:43.960 no bible

00:40:44.960 just look

00:40:46.200 in my

00:40:46.980 eye

00:40:47.480 you wait

00:40:48.760 too

00:40:48.960 so long

00:40:49.880 baby

00:40:50.540 now

00:40:51.260 that

00:40:51.500 will

00:40:51.940 take

00:40:53.940 much

00:40:54.480 more

00:40:54.980 now

00:40:55.540 this

00:40:56.140 is

00:40:56.500 my

00:40:56.880 i don't

00:40:57.780 choose

00:40:58.160 cuts

00:40:58.860 he

00:40:59.580 was kind

00:41:02.920 of the

00:41:03.160 white

00:41:03.500 michael

00:41:03.980 jackson

00:41:04.580 a little

00:41:05.960 bit

00:41:06.300 he's a

00:41:07.660 little bit

00:41:07.880 like the

00:41:08.120 white

00:41:08.300 michael

00:41:08.580 jackson

00:41:09.100 and he

00:41:09.860 was

00:41:10.020 i'll see you

00:41:23.140 guys next

00:41:23.400 monday man

00:41:23.940 i hope you

00:41:24.180 had a wonderful

00:41:24.600 weekend

00:41:25.180 uh

00:41:26.000 i don't know

00:41:26.780 if i did

00:41:27.260 but

00:41:27.620 you know

00:41:28.580 what it

00:41:28.820 was

00:41:29.140 be good

00:41:30.180 ladies and

00:41:33.020 gentlemen

00:41:33.320 i'm jonathan

00:41:34.160 kite and

00:41:34.820 welcome to

00:41:35.340 kite club

00:41:35.860 a podcast

00:41:36.760 where i'll be

00:41:37.480 sharing thoughts

00:41:38.080 on things like

00:41:38.780 current events

00:41:39.500 stand-up stories

00:41:40.700 and seven ways

00:41:41.820 to pleasure your

00:41:42.620 partner

00:41:43.040 the answer may

00:41:44.320 shock you

00:41:44.940 sometimes i'll

00:41:46.000 interview my

00:41:46.500 friends

00:41:46.960 sometimes i

00:41:47.980 won't

00:41:48.280 and as always

00:41:49.820 i'll be joined

00:41:50.480 by the voices

00:41:51.060 in my head

00:41:51.780 you have

00:41:52.640 three new

00:41:53.820 voice messages

00:41:54.660 a lot of

00:41:55.840 people are

00:41:56.320 talking about

00:41:57.000 kite club

00:41:57.660 i've been

00:41:58.340 talking about

00:41:59.120 kite club

00:41:59.640 for so long

00:42:00.460 longer than

00:42:01.180 anybody else

00:42:02.100 so great

00:42:02.900 hi

00:42:03.880 swia

00:42:04.660 he's a

00:42:05.640 deal

00:42:05.920 anyone who

00:42:07.160 doesn't listen

00:42:07.680 to kite club

00:42:08.400 is a dodgy

00:42:09.260 bloody wanker

00:42:10.420 jermaine

00:42:11.140 i'll take a

00:42:13.260 quarter pounder

00:42:13.940 with cheese

00:42:14.420 and a mcflurry

00:42:15.460 sorry sir

00:42:16.020 but our ice cream

00:42:16.580 machine is

00:42:17.000 broken

00:42:17.320 i think tom

00:42:20.940 hanks just

00:42:21.380 butt dialed

00:42:22.060 me

00:42:22.260 anyway

00:42:22.740 first rule

00:42:23.580 of kite club

00:42:24.100 is tell

00:42:25.040 everyone about

00:42:25.860 kite club

00:42:26.400 second rule

00:42:27.140 of kite club

00:42:27.760 is tell

00:42:28.720 everyone about

00:42:29.880 kite club

00:42:30.580 third rule

00:42:31.360 like and

00:42:32.040 subscribe

00:42:32.500 wherever you

00:42:33.160 listen to

00:42:33.560 podcasts

00:42:33.960 or watch

00:42:35.120 us on

00:42:35.440 youtube

00:42:35.720 yeah

00:42:36.160 and yes

00:42:37.040 don't worry

00:42:37.620 my brad pitt

00:42:38.480 impression will

00:42:39.160 get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - December 26, 2016

12-26-16 ｜ This Past Weekend #2

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript