This Past Weekend with Theo Von - 1-23-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #6

00:00:00.000 there it is

00:00:02.800 there it is guys

00:00:10.320 got a new prezzy in 0.99

00:00:13.960 it's monday january 23rd

00:00:17.220 and that is hail to the chief

00:00:19.620 that's the song they play man

00:00:21.880 probably cop that from the native americans

00:00:24.400 back in the day i wonder if that burns them a little

00:00:26.580 you know hail to the chief knowing that uh

00:00:29.100 you know that honestly probably a lot of whites took their land

00:00:32.660 and a lot of europeans i'm betting a lot of time it's just really generalized

00:00:36.520 that whites did it but i'm betting there were a lot of europeans

00:00:39.720 there on horses as well i got some tea uh i'm not feeling that

00:00:45.440 that well um i don't know what i got i just got like a

00:00:49.700 kind of a head just fluish kind of thing i think

00:00:52.440 they had this homeless dude right and you know

00:00:55.920 i respect the homeless bro

00:00:57.880 i've lived i've lived in some shitty places i've never 0.77

00:01:01.040 lived i slept in a ball pit one night

00:01:04.400 actually when i first got to la

00:01:06.260 the first couple of nights i was here

00:01:09.500 a buddy of mine and i

00:01:11.340 were looking for a place right we're looking for

00:01:13.540 an apartment

00:01:14.040 so we didn't have a place to sleep

00:01:16.760 so what we did was uh

00:01:19.300 at night we would jump over the fence

00:01:21.300 at the mcdonald's off of wilshire boulevard

00:01:24.440 uh here in los angeles

00:01:26.620 and we would sleep in the ball pit

00:01:29.760 you know the play uh the play area

00:01:32.320 we would sleep in the ball pit right

00:01:34.240 so the first night we're in there

00:01:36.460 you know and it's cool

00:01:37.720 it's kind of uh

00:01:39.180 it was a little cold 0.99

00:01:40.540 it was a little cold but you get under the balls 0.89

00:01:42.440 it's not as bad you know your body heat kind of builds up

00:01:45.080 and we were wearing a lot of extra winter

00:01:47.240 you know attire

00:01:48.400 then the second night

00:01:50.660 same thing we're in there

00:01:51.860 and during the day we're checking out seedy places

00:01:54.100 and you know trying to figure out

00:01:55.460 what we can get approved for

00:01:56.880 uh to get a lease

00:01:58.920 the third night we're in the pit

00:02:00.840 you know we jump in after they shut down

00:02:03.640 they shut at 11

00:02:04.520 get out of there at 5

00:02:06.440 and we're talking

00:02:08.380 we're in the ball pit

00:02:09.440 and uh

00:02:10.560 all of a sudden there's like an asian dude 1.00

00:02:13.020 on the slide

00:02:13.660 from the slide we hear a guy say

00:02:15.640 hey can you guys keep it down out there

00:02:18.180 there was another guy sleeping on the

00:02:21.120 on the plastic slide

00:02:22.800 that came down into the ball pit

00:02:24.460 so I think it was an asian dude

00:02:26.200 he sounded asian

00:02:27.060 could have been a guy with a lisp

00:02:28.420 or with um

00:02:29.360 you know uh

00:02:31.540 what else could he have had

00:02:32.900 maybe a

00:02:33.440 part of his tongue was damaged

00:02:35.260 or something

00:02:35.620 but he sounded asian

00:02:36.440 sounded like an asian gentleman

00:02:37.560 uh so

00:02:38.740 so I guess I have been a little bit homeless

00:02:40.600 that's as homeless as I've been

00:02:41.920 but outside of that

00:02:42.940 I've lived in some real shitholes 0.93

00:02:44.360 uh grew up in a shithole 0.99

00:02:46.040 um 0.99

00:02:47.160 but anyway

00:02:48.240 I

00:02:48.640 I borrowed a homeless guy

00:02:49.940 was like

00:02:50.540 you know doing raps

00:02:52.000 and I respect that

00:02:53.480 you know it's something

00:02:54.000 you know you gotta come up

00:02:55.100 I've never really heard of a guy

00:02:56.620 going from homeless to

00:02:58.000 you know

00:02:59.300 to um

00:03:00.040 to pop sensation

00:03:01.440 but

00:03:01.860 but it could happen

00:03:03.360 and so the dude

00:03:05.120 he gave me his headphones

00:03:06.620 like listen to this

00:03:07.640 listen to this

00:03:08.380 hit

00:03:08.800 you know it's gotta be

00:03:10.240 of course it's a hit

00:03:11.180 bruh

00:03:11.460 I haven't even heard it

00:03:12.380 you know

00:03:13.240 let me judge that

00:03:14.420 um

00:03:15.440 but anyway

00:03:16.200 he put his headphones

00:03:16.980 he gave me his headphones

00:03:17.600 and I put them in my ears

00:03:19.060 and that I think

00:03:20.680 was the bad move

00:03:21.660 because after that

00:03:22.640 I just felt

00:03:23.560 my brain

00:03:24.740 and my head

00:03:25.500 and everything

00:03:25.900 I just felt squirrely

00:03:27.160 so

00:03:27.660 so I just shouldn't have

00:03:29.300 borrowed uh

00:03:30.060 shouldn't have borrowed

00:03:30.880 that dude's headphones

00:03:31.860 so that's just a note

00:03:33.380 for the future

00:03:33.960 you know

00:03:34.260 don't use

00:03:35.000 you know

00:03:36.240 use your own headphones

00:03:37.100 don't go

00:03:37.660 don't borrow a homeless guy's

00:03:39.000 headphones

00:03:39.360 anyhow uh

00:03:40.680 it's January 23rd

00:03:43.460 hail to the chief

00:03:53.440 hail to the chief

00:03:55.860 uh

00:03:57.180 this chief

00:03:57.780 what have I been up to man

00:03:58.840 been feeling okay man

00:04:01.040 some indecisiveness recently

00:04:02.600 um

00:04:03.700 we're gonna get into

00:04:04.380 a couple of things

00:04:05.020 in a minute

00:04:05.440 into some of the news

00:04:06.720 I'm gonna talk about uh

00:04:08.380 a little bit of sensuality 0.57

00:04:09.780 give you guys a little

00:04:10.920 sensual report on

00:04:12.040 you know

00:04:12.740 some sensual stuff

00:04:13.740 I've been going through

00:04:14.920 and dealing with

00:04:15.960 uh

00:04:16.940 what else

00:04:17.520 we'll talk about

00:04:18.640 uh

00:04:19.460 we got a request from a fan

00:04:20.740 via Snapchat

00:04:21.420 uh

00:04:22.620 we have

00:04:23.380 I promised you guys

00:04:24.740 I'd talk about uh

00:04:25.760 some oral

00:04:26.320 you know

00:04:27.380 different oral sensual

00:04:28.320 activities that I had

00:04:29.360 when I was younger

00:04:30.080 um

00:04:31.140 and uh

00:04:31.800 a couple more sounds

00:04:32.660 I got a few more sounds

00:04:33.640 I just

00:04:34.040 kind of went through my brain

00:04:35.400 and found some sounds

00:04:36.280 that I make

00:04:36.840 so

00:04:37.060 that's what's on the docket

00:04:38.400 uh

00:04:40.140 what man

00:04:41.540 I was feeling indecisive

00:04:42.500 I had a

00:04:42.900 you know

00:04:44.220 I didn't

00:04:45.120 I get in this thing

00:04:46.800 where like I'm hungry

00:04:47.520 but I don't have any food

00:04:48.500 you know

00:04:49.220 and I have money to get food

00:04:50.960 you know

00:04:51.340 I'm thankful for that

00:04:52.080 but

00:04:52.300 so I'm at the grocery store

00:04:54.120 you know

00:04:54.520 I finally get

00:04:55.280 you know

00:04:55.560 give in to my desires

00:04:57.040 of my stomach

00:04:58.260 and I get over there

00:04:59.280 and they got the yogurts

00:05:01.360 bruh

00:05:01.760 right

00:05:02.260 I'm in the yogurt section

00:05:03.640 and um

00:05:05.240 and I like the dairy section

00:05:07.040 man

00:05:07.220 I'm a dairy guy

00:05:08.120 you know

00:05:08.460 I'm lactose intolerant

00:05:09.560 but I'm brave

00:05:10.320 you know

00:05:11.220 I get out there

00:05:12.000 and those

00:05:12.460 you know

00:05:13.320 I mean

00:05:13.500 you're out in those

00:05:14.020 fart streets

00:05:14.740 a lot of times

00:05:15.520 bruh

00:05:15.740 if you choose to do dairy

00:05:16.920 and if your system

00:05:18.100 isn't really

00:05:18.760 you know

00:05:20.120 isn't

00:05:20.780 you know

00:05:21.140 doesn't have the proper

00:05:21.780 gradient

00:05:22.300 uh

00:05:23.060 for dairy

00:05:23.560 you know

00:05:24.660 you can kind of

00:05:25.260 you kind of

00:05:25.700 can live in those

00:05:26.440 fart streets

00:05:27.260 so

00:05:28.340 they got the yogurts

00:05:29.860 dude

00:05:30.180 and

00:05:30.980 the

00:05:32.200 uh

00:05:32.540 the yogurts

00:05:33.220 it was uh

00:05:33.780 it was

00:05:34.220 eight for four dollars

00:05:36.220 now

00:05:37.400 that's a deal

00:05:38.680 bruh

00:05:39.080 that's a deal

00:05:40.040 you know

00:05:41.100 and the problem was

00:05:42.340 I start picking them out

00:05:43.400 and I just get bit by

00:05:45.320 something that always

00:05:47.160 plagues me

00:05:47.600 is I'm indecisive

00:05:48.540 you know

00:05:49.100 and I know

00:05:49.540 one of the

00:05:50.020 one of the

00:05:50.600 one of the

00:05:51.640 one of the

00:05:53.120 cornerstones

00:05:53.680 of a real champion

00:05:54.680 human

00:05:55.280 and of a good man

00:05:56.740 is that

00:05:57.340 you know

00:05:57.940 he's decisive

00:05:58.600 and I'm trying to be

00:05:59.640 more decisive

00:06:00.380 you know

00:06:01.240 I know that I

00:06:01.780 struggle with it

00:06:02.600 and I want to do it

00:06:03.980 better

00:06:04.160 you know

00:06:04.360 I want to make

00:06:04.800 decisions better

00:06:05.360 but they got

00:06:05.920 eight for four dollars

00:06:07.080 but they got

00:06:07.780 they got thirty

00:06:09.080 flavors of yogurt

00:06:10.020 you know

00:06:10.980 like when I was young

00:06:12.460 they had two

00:06:13.880 they had blueberry

00:06:14.900 and they had

00:06:16.360 strawberry

00:06:16.840 bruh

00:06:17.960 you know

00:06:18.440 and then they also

00:06:19.760 had nothing

00:06:20.440 that was the third

00:06:21.140 flavor

00:06:21.440 remember that

00:06:22.040 you ever accidentally

00:06:23.100 get the nothing

00:06:23.860 flavor

00:06:24.360 you know

00:06:25.520 like you would get

00:06:26.300 and you open it up

00:06:27.860 you'd think it's

00:06:28.260 blueberry or strawberry

00:06:28.880 but it's nothing

00:06:29.940 bruh

00:06:30.340 it just tastes

00:06:31.540 like a

00:06:31.960 like a

00:06:32.720 like a bucket

00:06:33.700 of milk

00:06:34.100 just gestated

00:06:35.160 into your mouth

00:06:35.920 you know

00:06:36.400 that was really

00:06:37.960 disheartening

00:06:38.660 when my mom

00:06:39.700 would let us

00:06:40.100 pick out a yogurt

00:06:40.820 and we got

00:06:41.260 the wrong one

00:06:42.060 so anyway

00:06:43.440 I'm standing there

00:06:44.040 it's eight

00:06:44.440 it's eight for four dollars

00:06:45.780 fifty cents a pop

00:06:46.880 you know

00:06:47.680 I'm in

00:06:48.320 I'm in

00:06:49.120 they hooked me

00:06:49.560 with the deal

00:06:50.260 they hooked me

00:06:51.220 with the literature

00:06:51.860 right there

00:06:52.380 on the little thing

00:06:53.220 eight for four dollars

00:06:54.660 but I

00:06:55.740 I can't

00:06:57.300 like right out

00:06:58.140 of the gate

00:06:58.420 I get two

00:06:58.900 vanillas

00:06:59.400 bruh

00:06:59.800 because I do

00:07:00.420 vanilla yogurts

00:07:01.460 I got two

00:07:02.340 vanillas

00:07:02.840 but then the flavors

00:07:04.220 start getting a little

00:07:04.880 bit squirrely

00:07:05.680 they have a

00:07:06.600 key lime pie

00:07:07.780 huh

00:07:08.720 I'm not

00:07:09.720 you know

00:07:10.140 I don't think

00:07:10.560 I'm ready for that

00:07:11.360 um

00:07:12.540 so I picked up

00:07:13.960 I copped a couple

00:07:14.700 of cherries

00:07:15.320 because that

00:07:15.680 reminded me of

00:07:16.400 uh

00:07:16.840 of when I was

00:07:18.100 young as well

00:07:18.680 cherry was like

00:07:19.400 a new flavor

00:07:20.140 and everybody

00:07:21.000 went berserkers

00:07:21.920 for that

00:07:22.440 um

00:07:23.600 uh

00:07:24.580 I copped a blueberry

00:07:25.420 even though I didn't

00:07:26.060 like it

00:07:26.620 you know

00:07:27.400 we ate a lot

00:07:27.940 of blueberry

00:07:28.340 yogurt

00:07:28.940 when I was

00:07:29.420 young

00:07:29.700 and it just

00:07:30.100 made me

00:07:30.660 you know

00:07:32.220 maybe I had a

00:07:32.700 bad experience

00:07:33.320 I guess

00:07:33.980 uh

00:07:34.560 but it just

00:07:35.460 I don't know

00:07:36.180 it just made me

00:07:37.400 feel

00:07:37.560 it makes me feel

00:07:38.040 poor

00:07:38.540 when I eat

00:07:39.020 blueberry yogurt

00:07:39.780 makes me feel

00:07:40.340 a little bit

00:07:40.660 tender

00:07:41.040 um

00:07:42.340 they had lemon

00:07:43.480 burst

00:07:44.020 I'm not doing

00:07:45.140 that

00:07:45.520 okay

00:07:45.980 I think that's

00:07:46.860 for

00:07:47.100 you know

00:07:48.320 a special

00:07:48.880 type of man

00:07:49.620 maybe

00:07:49.980 um

00:07:51.000 you know

00:07:51.460 it might be

00:07:51.780 for a woman

00:07:52.320 that's

00:07:52.800 just got a

00:07:53.700 divorce or something

00:07:54.420 I don't know

00:07:54.860 but I'm not doing

00:07:55.660 lemon burst

00:07:56.280 right

00:07:56.540 so

00:07:56.800 so I got a couple

00:07:57.800 vanillas

00:07:58.360 I got the cherry

00:07:59.800 I got the blueberry

00:08:00.700 and uh

00:08:02.120 and I'm just sifting

00:08:02.940 through these other

00:08:03.540 flavors dude

00:08:04.420 and they just

00:08:04.860 started getting

00:08:05.280 are they a gingerbread

00:08:06.520 I don't think we

00:08:07.940 need it

00:08:08.440 uh

00:08:09.320 and I ended up

00:08:10.360 copping actually

00:08:11.260 a couple of basic

00:08:12.640 limes

00:08:13.040 because I had

00:08:13.500 lime once before

00:08:14.500 regular lime

00:08:15.380 not the key lime

00:08:16.280 pie

00:08:16.680 but it kind of

00:08:18.180 left a bad taste

00:08:18.900 in my mouth

00:08:19.300 maybe

00:08:19.640 you know

00:08:20.660 if I

00:08:20.960 I don't know

00:08:21.240 if maybe

00:08:21.540 I'd been

00:08:21.900 smoking cigarettes

00:08:22.860 at the time

00:08:23.520 or maybe

00:08:23.880 I'd

00:08:24.220 just been

00:08:24.920 in a bad

00:08:25.440 mood

00:08:25.640 when I

00:08:25.960 ate it

00:08:26.440 so I

00:08:27.260 copped a couple

00:08:27.720 of limes

00:08:28.140 but literally

00:08:28.740 I'm standing

00:08:29.300 there

00:08:29.700 I've been

00:08:30.300 at the thing

00:08:30.760 for probably

00:08:31.500 15 minutes

00:08:32.420 man

00:08:32.660 picking out

00:08:33.300 you know

00:08:34.340 trying to get

00:08:34.740 my selection

00:08:35.220 to eat

00:08:35.540 yogurts

00:08:36.140 uh

00:08:36.620 so

00:08:38.100 I think

00:08:39.260 what I'm

00:08:39.520 saying here

00:08:39.900 is that

00:08:40.100 I could

00:08:40.320 never be

00:08:40.680 president

00:08:41.100 unless I

00:08:48.980 get better

00:08:49.300 at picking

00:08:49.580 out yogurts

00:08:50.160 man

00:08:50.380 so anyway

00:08:51.060 that's where

00:08:51.440 I'm at

00:08:51.660 I guess

00:08:51.900 I'm feeling

00:08:52.320 kind of

00:08:52.640 indecisive

00:08:53.440 there was

00:08:54.040 a lot

00:08:54.220 of rain

00:08:54.600 today

00:08:55.060 one of

00:08:56.140 the Hollywood

00:08:56.480 hills

00:08:56.760 kind of

00:08:57.100 slid

00:08:57.440 into the

00:08:57.860 street

00:08:58.180 so

00:08:58.560 you know

00:08:59.680 maybe a

00:09:00.240 couple of

00:09:00.740 you know

00:09:01.980 probably some

00:09:02.460 wealthy people

00:09:03.180 you know

00:09:04.160 probably lost

00:09:04.660 some very

00:09:04.980 expensive

00:09:05.360 pets

00:09:06.000 or something

00:09:06.360 I have

00:09:06.560 no clue

00:09:06.900 what

00:09:07.080 occurred

00:09:07.460 you know

00:09:08.140 probably

00:09:08.340 some

00:09:08.540 $30,000

00:09:09.320 rose bushes

00:09:10.300 you know

00:09:11.100 came down

00:09:11.600 into the

00:09:12.100 uh

00:09:12.500 into where

00:09:13.540 us

00:09:13.680 pleons 0.84

00:09:14.180 live

00:09:14.560 but that

00:09:16.920 was going

00:09:17.300 on man

00:09:17.900 that's where

00:09:18.360 I'm at

00:09:18.740 feeling a little

00:09:19.480 bit

00:09:19.600 indecisive

00:09:20.380 but yeah

00:09:21.540 we got a

00:09:21.880 new president

00:09:22.360 the new

00:09:22.720 president's

00:09:23.300 in

00:09:23.500 I thought

00:09:24.460 the inauguration

00:09:25.240 was cool

00:09:25.700 I never

00:09:25.980 watched it

00:09:26.460 before

00:09:26.700 I think

00:09:27.020 I'm just

00:09:27.320 getting older

00:09:27.940 now where

00:09:28.340 you start

00:09:28.620 to kind of

00:09:29.020 tune into

00:09:29.540 those things

00:09:30.240 because eventually

00:09:31.640 you get old

00:09:32.320 and just

00:09:32.620 furious about

00:09:33.440 politics

00:09:33.880 and then you 0.98

00:09:34.380 die 0.80

00:09:34.740 you know

00:09:35.260 that's how

00:09:35.600 it kind of

00:09:35.920 works for

00:09:36.280 most seniors

00:09:36.960 I thought

00:09:38.540 Melania

00:09:39.060 the new

00:09:41.480 first lady 0.89

00:09:42.060 looked beautiful

00:09:42.920 man I thought

00:09:43.340 she looked

00:09:43.720 nice in that

00:09:44.300 dress

00:09:44.760 or I don't

00:09:46.100 know if

00:09:46.220 that's called

00:09:46.480 a dress

00:09:46.920 or not

00:09:47.320 but like

00:09:48.380 this you know

00:09:48.780 light blue

00:09:49.300 smock

00:09:49.920 and I thought

00:09:52.320 it was cool

00:09:52.700 the little

00:09:53.000 kid man

00:09:53.620 the kid

00:09:54.020 baron

00:09:54.540 just to be

00:09:55.560 like a kid

00:09:56.460 and you're

00:09:57.000 standing up

00:09:57.920 that had to

00:09:58.300 be so

00:09:58.800 bizarre

00:09:59.380 I just

00:10:01.260 kept kind of

00:10:01.940 wondering what

00:10:02.340 was going

00:10:02.680 through his

00:10:03.080 head

00:10:03.220 like does

00:10:03.520 he even

00:10:03.900 you know

00:10:05.380 realize

00:10:06.260 the

00:10:06.560 you know

00:10:07.600 the

00:10:07.780 size of

00:10:10.120 this event

00:10:10.700 does he

00:10:11.040 have any

00:10:11.340 idea

00:10:11.820 I thought

00:10:13.040 that was

00:10:13.220 pretty cool

00:10:13.660 to see

00:10:13.920 the kid

00:10:14.280 and there's

00:10:14.540 one point

00:10:14.980 there's a

00:10:15.240 video out

00:10:15.640 there if

00:10:15.880 you haven't

00:10:16.120 seen it

00:10:16.400 where his

00:10:16.720 mom tells

00:10:17.580 him to do

00:10:17.980 something

00:10:18.280 and he

00:10:18.520 makes

00:10:19.620 like this

00:10:19.960 cat hands

00:10:20.800 at her

00:10:21.140 dude

00:10:21.500 so I'm

00:10:22.900 looking forward

00:10:23.340 to that

00:10:23.580 little kid

00:10:24.280 getting in the

00:10:24.680 white house

00:10:25.100 and you know

00:10:25.620 burning some

00:10:26.240 curtains

00:10:26.700 or who

00:10:27.940 knows what

00:10:28.420 he's going

00:10:28.680 to do

00:10:28.860 I mean

00:10:29.020 that guy

00:10:29.360 is going

00:10:29.560 to go

00:10:29.780 that kid

00:10:30.120 is going

00:10:30.280 to go

00:10:30.420 through

00:10:30.600 pervity

00:10:31.120 in the

00:10:32.140 white house

00:10:32.820 bro

00:10:33.160 I mean

00:10:34.400 anything

00:10:34.900 is possible

00:10:35.620 so I'm

00:10:37.400 really intrigued

00:10:38.000 to see how

00:10:38.540 it shakes

00:10:38.940 down for

00:10:39.320 a little

00:10:39.520 barren

00:10:39.960 what else

00:10:42.340 what else

00:10:43.060 is in the

00:10:43.380 news

00:10:43.520 we have

00:10:43.740 violent

00:10:44.060 weather

00:10:44.360 here

00:10:44.660 the most

00:10:46.040 rain we've

00:10:46.440 had

00:10:46.740 a lot

00:10:47.540 of bad

00:10:47.880 weather

00:10:48.140 out in

00:10:48.600 Georgia

00:10:49.560 people died

00:10:50.760 you know

00:10:51.700 that's

00:10:52.280 that's

00:10:53.440 heartbreaking

00:10:53.880 man

00:10:54.160 when you

00:10:54.460 because usually

00:10:55.280 a lot of

00:10:55.680 times

00:10:55.920 tornado

00:10:56.300 like tornadoes

00:10:57.100 are just

00:10:57.600 they're kind

00:11:00.080 of

00:11:00.300 they're like 0.63

00:11:01.800 serial killers 0.99

00:11:02.780 for poor

00:11:03.300 people

00:11:03.520 like they

00:11:03.780 just attack

00:11:04.480 the poor 0.99

00:11:05.220 you know

00:11:06.440 I mean

00:11:06.680 I don't

00:11:06.920 know why

00:11:07.640 people continue

00:11:09.340 to build

00:11:10.060 their homes

00:11:10.700 in these

00:11:11.060 alleys

00:11:11.600 where these

00:11:12.480 tornadoes

00:11:12.920 frequent

00:11:13.360 you know

00:11:14.180 I can

00:11:14.420 understand

00:11:14.720 you want

00:11:15.060 to get

00:11:15.320 ballsy 0.51

00:11:15.880 and get

00:11:16.180 out there

00:11:16.620 and go

00:11:17.480 toe-to-toe

00:11:17.980 with a

00:11:18.200 tornado

00:11:18.620 bro

00:11:18.980 I actually

00:11:20.580 had a

00:11:20.860 NATO

00:11:21.080 experience

00:11:21.640 bro

00:11:21.820 I went

00:11:22.140 toe-to-toe

00:11:24.100 with a

00:11:24.340 NATO

00:11:24.640 I'm

00:11:26.180 popping

00:11:26.460 a couple

00:11:26.920 of

00:11:27.140 if you

00:11:27.740 hear me

00:11:28.020 chewing

00:11:28.320 that's

00:11:28.600 a couple

00:11:28.920 of

00:11:29.220 what are

00:11:30.260 these

00:11:30.420 melatonin

00:11:31.100 gummy bears

00:11:31.780 they got

00:11:32.080 little gummies

00:11:32.760 and they help

00:11:34.740 your brain

00:11:35.160 rest at night

00:11:36.100 because I got

00:11:37.460 an active

00:11:38.220 brain

00:11:38.540 my brain's

00:11:39.020 active

00:11:39.440 that's what

00:11:40.460 they said

00:11:40.880 when I was

00:11:41.900 a child

00:11:42.340 a lot of

00:11:42.640 my children

00:11:43.060 reports

00:11:43.720 from school

00:11:45.220 said active

00:11:45.860 brain

00:11:46.360 strong heart

00:11:48.540 got the heart

00:11:49.020 of a lesbian 0.97

00:11:49.640 my father

00:11:51.000 always told

00:11:51.460 me that

00:11:51.740 when I was

00:11:52.100 young

00:11:52.460 told me

00:11:54.600 I got

00:11:54.740 the heart

00:11:55.000 of a

00:11:55.220 lesbian

00:11:55.520 which was

00:11:56.020 always kind

00:11:57.200 of

00:11:57.340 kind of

00:11:58.400 stuck

00:11:58.640 with me

00:11:59.520 I had

00:12:01.060 an old

00:12:01.360 dad

00:12:01.680 some of

00:12:01.920 you guys

00:12:02.100 don't know

00:12:02.400 my dad

00:12:02.740 was

00:12:02.960 70 years

00:12:04.520 old

00:12:04.720 when I

00:12:04.940 was born

00:12:05.440 my dad

00:12:06.180 was born

00:12:06.480 in 1910

00:12:07.380 he was

00:12:08.640 a

00:12:09.040 he was

00:12:10.000 a missionary

00:12:10.440 from Nicaragua

00:12:11.480 so

00:12:13.900 anyway

00:12:14.520 what are we

00:12:15.220 talking about

00:12:15.740 let me get

00:12:16.120 back to what

00:12:16.480 I'm talking

00:12:16.820 about

00:12:17.040 I'm talking

00:12:17.420 about

00:12:17.900 other

00:12:18.860 tornadoes

00:12:19.500 just

00:12:19.740 going at

00:12:20.560 poor

00:12:20.820 people

00:12:21.280 and I

00:12:23.800 had an

00:12:24.060 experience

00:12:24.440 I was

00:12:24.680 working

00:12:24.900 on a

00:12:25.180 farm

00:12:25.420 when I

00:12:25.680 was

00:12:25.940 when I

00:12:27.180 was

00:12:27.300 just

00:12:27.480 out of

00:12:27.780 college

00:12:28.100 in the

00:12:28.400 summer times

00:12:28.960 I would

00:12:29.160 work on

00:12:29.440 a farm

00:12:30.040 on the

00:12:32.380 Louisiana

00:12:32.820 Mississippi

00:12:33.320 border

00:12:34.020 and that

00:12:34.680 was

00:12:34.940 right off

00:12:35.960 of

00:12:36.120 Faraday

00:12:36.960 and Vidalia

00:12:37.880 Louisiana

00:12:38.940 and that's

00:12:39.960 where Jerry

00:12:40.460 Lee Lewis

00:12:41.020 is from

00:12:41.480 right around

00:12:41.900 there

00:12:42.140 goodness

00:12:42.680 gracious

00:12:43.380 great 0.97

00:12:43.820 balls of

00:12:44.420 fire

00:12:44.860 you take

00:12:45.600 my nerves

00:12:46.120 and you're

00:12:46.520 right on

00:12:46.780 my brain

00:12:47.340 so I'd

00:12:48.800 be over

00:12:49.120 there

00:12:49.340 and

00:12:49.560 I

00:12:50.860 was just

00:12:52.000 a farm

00:12:52.480 hand

00:12:52.800 dude

00:12:53.000 I would

00:12:53.280 do

00:12:53.620 whatever

00:12:54.200 you know

00:12:54.780 drive

00:12:55.140 tractors

00:12:55.700 plant

00:12:56.200 clean

00:12:58.020 paint

00:12:58.740 odds

00:12:59.860 and ends

00:13:00.320 man

00:13:00.560 that's

00:13:00.800 what my

00:13:01.060 deal

00:13:01.300 was

00:13:01.620 we'd get

00:13:02.060 out there

00:13:02.620 I had a

00:13:03.120 knife

00:13:03.580 had a gun

00:13:04.820 in the

00:13:05.080 truck

00:13:05.500 we'd get

00:13:06.400 out there

00:13:06.820 in the

00:13:07.060 morning

00:13:07.400 and we'd

00:13:08.820 get out

00:13:09.020 there early

00:13:09.420 730

00:13:10.220 and we'd

00:13:11.040 work till

00:13:11.420 7 or

00:13:12.220 630

00:13:12.800 we worked

00:13:14.080 it was

00:13:14.940 a day's

00:13:15.540 work

00:13:15.800 man

00:13:16.000 we were

00:13:16.320 I was

00:13:16.640 a man

00:13:17.040 I was

00:13:17.540 a man

00:13:18.100 I was

00:13:18.540 a man

00:13:19.040 and it

00:13:20.560 felt good

00:13:21.080 man

00:13:21.240 it felt

00:13:21.500 good

00:13:21.680 to come

00:13:22.020 home

00:13:22.500 and I

00:13:23.940 wouldn't

00:13:24.160 even think

00:13:24.600 I couldn't

00:13:25.040 even think

00:13:25.640 about anything

00:13:26.140 I was so

00:13:26.660 tired

00:13:27.080 I would

00:13:27.440 just fall

00:13:27.940 asleep

00:13:28.240 I would

00:13:28.520 eat

00:13:28.880 with the

00:13:29.880 family

00:13:30.240 they put

00:13:30.580 me up

00:13:31.020 and then

00:13:31.800 I would

00:13:32.040 fall asleep

00:13:32.700 and then

00:13:33.500 I would

00:13:33.720 wake up

00:13:34.420 crack of

00:13:35.380 dawn

00:13:35.680 and we'd

00:13:36.380 go again

00:13:36.880 that was

00:13:37.240 it

00:13:37.440 and you

00:13:37.780 you worked

00:13:38.520 as much

00:13:38.880 as the

00:13:39.120 weather

00:13:39.280 permitted

00:13:39.680 so you

00:13:40.180 could work

00:13:40.540 12-13

00:13:41.160 days in a

00:13:41.720 row

00:13:41.840 sometimes

00:13:42.360 anyhow

00:13:43.140 so one

00:13:43.760 day I'm

00:13:44.080 I'm working

00:13:44.780 at the

00:13:45.060 farmhouse

00:13:45.620 I'm

00:13:45.900 I don't

00:13:46.300 know what

00:13:46.480 I'm doing

00:13:46.740 cleaning

00:13:47.160 or maybe

00:13:47.980 painting

00:13:48.400 and they

00:13:49.680 had this

00:13:49.920 other gentleman

00:13:50.420 that was

00:13:50.680 working with

00:13:51.160 me he was

00:13:51.540 thick

00:13:52.000 I mean this

00:13:53.100 boy was

00:13:53.540 coming in

00:13:53.960 he might

00:13:54.240 be deceased

00:13:54.840 now he

00:13:55.320 was you

00:13:56.360 know that

00:13:56.740 size the

00:13:57.260 kind of

00:13:57.560 size where

00:13:58.440 when you

00:13:59.600 meet him

00:14:00.060 you you

00:14:01.300 get a good

00:14:01.860 look at

00:14:02.320 him because

00:14:02.600 you know

00:14:03.160 that you're

00:14:04.440 not gonna

00:14:04.780 a few years

00:14:06.100 later you

00:14:06.440 probably won't

00:14:06.920 get to look

00:14:07.620 at them

00:14:07.880 again because

00:14:08.660 you know they're

00:14:09.720 gonna head on

00:14:10.140 back to

00:14:10.580 whatever back to

00:14:11.520 the spiritual

00:14:12.260 realm because

00:14:13.460 of their size

00:14:14.260 you know and

00:14:14.780 this guy was

00:14:15.300 just thick

00:14:15.980 and just

00:14:16.420 always just

00:14:17.860 sweating out

00:14:18.540 of his neck

00:14:19.180 and his face

00:14:20.000 and just a

00:14:21.120 sweet man

00:14:21.940 dude he was

00:14:22.760 a sweet man

00:14:23.720 bro

00:14:24.020 anyway we're

00:14:27.040 working together

00:14:27.720 and there's

00:14:28.160 been bad

00:14:28.680 weather coming

00:14:29.220 through and

00:14:30.360 then a tornado

00:14:31.000 report comes

00:14:31.740 up and it

00:14:32.440 says that

00:14:32.860 there's a

00:14:33.420 tornado right

00:14:34.320 in our area

00:14:34.960 so we go

00:14:36.120 outside and

00:14:37.280 you can

00:14:37.860 literally see

00:14:39.220 this tornado

00:14:40.020 you know

00:14:41.920 maybe

00:14:42.280 2,000 yards

00:14:44.280 away or

00:14:44.780 a couple

00:14:45.020 miles

00:14:45.320 I don't

00:14:45.500 know how

00:14:45.700 many yards

00:14:46.120 2,000 yards

00:14:46.900 is I mean

00:14:47.360 I know it's

00:14:48.080 2,000 but

00:14:48.660 it's I have

00:14:49.860 no clue how

00:14:51.180 far that is

00:14:51.740 I made that

00:14:52.180 up I mean

00:14:52.900 I didn't you

00:14:53.860 know what I'm

00:14:54.120 saying dude

00:14:54.660 I'm guessing

00:14:55.320 I'm guessing

00:14:56.520 so we're like

00:14:58.780 we know we gotta

00:14:59.480 hide in a ditch

00:15:00.420 dude that's what

00:15:00.980 you always heard

00:15:01.660 right I think

00:15:02.240 anyway I mean

00:15:02.820 hell that could

00:15:03.240 be for anything

00:15:03.820 but for some

00:15:05.440 reason I just

00:15:06.700 remembered that

00:15:07.280 I'm like we

00:15:07.920 I'm like bro

00:15:08.660 we gotta hide

00:15:09.240 in this we

00:15:09.760 gotta hide in

00:15:10.240 this ditch

00:15:10.820 so we run

00:15:11.860 across and

00:15:13.020 we and I

00:15:13.720 get into a

00:15:14.340 ditch dude

00:15:14.960 right well

00:15:16.880 this guy and

00:15:17.920 it's a ditch

00:15:18.980 bro it's like

00:15:19.580 I mean it's

00:15:20.600 probably three

00:15:21.620 acres long

00:15:22.600 this ditch

00:15:23.480 it's a little

00:15:24.380 irrigation canal

00:15:25.280 this dude gets

00:15:26.520 in the ditch

00:15:27.080 on top of me

00:15:28.480 on top of me

00:15:30.660 bro so now

00:15:31.520 I got this guy

00:15:32.900 300 something

00:15:33.720 pounds on my

00:15:34.280 back laying in

00:15:35.900 this ditch I

00:15:36.380 mean I'm heavily

00:15:36.880 protected now

00:15:37.600 from this storm

00:15:38.360 but just the

00:15:40.020 ignorance really

00:15:40.720 going through that 0.96

00:15:41.460 man's skull at

00:15:42.720 that time that

00:15:44.000 he wouldn't pick

00:15:44.620 another spot in

00:15:45.680 the ditch to

00:15:47.000 be I mean it's

00:15:47.940 kind of sacrificial

00:15:48.760 I guess that he

00:15:49.300 would get on top

00:15:49.900 of me like that

00:15:50.720 it didn't feel

00:15:52.640 homoerotic I

00:15:53.620 couldn't feel any

00:15:54.960 of his waist

00:15:55.700 touching me it

00:15:56.520 just felt like

00:15:57.140 all just

00:15:59.080 basically just a

00:16:02.200 breadth of

00:16:03.640 stomach and

00:16:04.420 chest torso

00:16:05.220 meat just

00:16:06.860 anyway so

00:16:09.160 that was just

00:16:09.920 kind of a storm

00:16:10.460 experience man

00:16:11.160 I had a hole

00:16:11.980 up in this

00:16:12.420 ditch with this

00:16:12.980 gentleman

00:16:13.360 and yeah the

00:16:16.420 storm you know

00:16:17.000 the tornado came

00:16:17.680 close it didn't

00:16:18.620 damage some stuff

00:16:19.560 in the area but

00:16:20.100 we were fine and

00:16:20.940 that was that

00:16:22.320 so you know I

00:16:24.040 don't really have

00:16:24.580 any you know if

00:16:25.240 there's a tornado

00:16:25.840 coming I don't

00:16:26.520 know what do you

00:16:26.940 do you know what

00:16:28.220 do you do I

00:16:29.120 guess you get in

00:16:29.700 the ditch that's

00:16:30.860 that's what I'm I

00:16:31.680 guess that's the

00:16:32.140 advice if you got a

00:16:32.980 tornado coming get

00:16:33.680 in the ditch and

00:16:35.060 if you're poor

00:16:35.760 you know just

00:16:37.500 know that these

00:16:38.100 tornadoes are

00:16:38.760 I mean statistically

00:16:40.400 they're looking for

00:16:41.180 you you know I

00:16:42.540 don't know if

00:16:42.800 mother nature is

00:16:43.540 just a killer and 0.75

00:16:46.480 that's how she 0.74

00:16:47.100 chooses to just get

00:16:48.060 the poor but but

00:16:49.880 it seems it seems

00:16:51.060 to be enough

00:16:52.120 evidence there

00:16:52.800 where that's there's

00:16:54.040 some validity to

00:16:55.100 that I'll tell you

00:16:56.620 this dude yeah

00:16:57.900 Trump is in office

00:16:58.820 they got a new

00:16:59.260 we got a new

00:16:59.680 president I think

00:17:01.960 change is always

00:17:02.640 exciting I think

00:17:03.580 you know it was

00:17:04.660 interesting a few

00:17:05.220 years ago I kind

00:17:07.780 of hated for a

00:17:10.480 long time I've

00:17:11.060 kind of felt like

00:17:12.200 like my generation

00:17:14.500 nothing ever

00:17:16.040 happened in our

00:17:17.800 environment that

00:17:18.660 made us wake up

00:17:20.120 in the morning with

00:17:20.620 any feelings or

00:17:21.680 any vigor or any

00:17:22.840 you know like our

00:17:24.160 parents had you

00:17:25.840 know there were I

00:17:26.660 mean our

00:17:26.920 grandparents had

00:17:27.580 like Vietnam and

00:17:28.940 some of our

00:17:29.580 parents had Vietnam

00:17:30.460 or World War

00:17:32.440 One there was a

00:17:33.080 lot of World War

00:17:34.200 Two obviously you 0.93

00:17:36.460 know I'm not a

00:17:36.880 big war buff but

00:17:39.580 they like you know

00:17:40.300 they got up and

00:17:41.020 they had a feeling

00:17:42.160 in their heart like

00:17:43.000 they had a cause or

00:17:44.140 they had like you

00:17:45.140 know I stand for

00:17:45.920 this or like you

00:17:47.220 know when they had

00:17:47.720 all the Woodstock you

00:17:48.820 know or civil rights

00:17:49.720 like people would

00:17:50.300 wake up with a beat

00:17:51.340 in their heart for

00:17:52.220 like a reason to be

00:17:53.300 alive and I feel

00:17:55.000 like I've grown up in

00:17:55.740 this generation where 0.83

00:17:56.540 you just wake up like

00:17:57.940 all right you know

00:18:00.340 I'm up you know

00:18:01.960 and maybe that just

00:18:02.660 could have been some

00:18:03.760 of my own lackadaisical

00:18:05.400 ness but but now I

00:18:08.140 feel like people are

00:18:08.860 waking up with some

00:18:10.480 fervor you know they

00:18:11.960 realize that you know

00:18:13.760 their government

00:18:14.240 probably isn't going

00:18:14.980 to help them out very

00:18:15.760 much and that they

00:18:16.860 that we have to do

00:18:17.860 it ourselves I don't

00:18:18.580 care what you know if

00:18:19.820 you're Democrat or

00:18:20.920 Republican or who

00:18:21.620 you support but I

00:18:23.400 feel like that's kind

00:18:24.140 of cool it's pretty

00:18:25.000 interesting to wake up

00:18:26.040 and have a just a

00:18:27.480 sense of purpose when

00:18:28.540 it comes to something

00:18:30.680 bigger than ourselves

00:18:31.680 not or not just

00:18:33.000 ourselves like you

00:18:34.360 know I don't you

00:18:35.020 know it's like now we

00:18:35.740 wake up with some 1.00

00:18:36.520 fucking dick in your 1.00

00:18:39.140 balls you know with 1.00

00:18:40.000 some fucking extra 1.00

00:18:42.580 cooch juice in your 1.00

00:18:43.920 curtains and you know

00:18:44.780 what I'm saying ladies

00:18:45.580 like you just yeah you

00:18:47.380 got a little freaking 0.93

00:18:48.180 spittle in your griddle 0.94

00:18:51.020 you know and I think

00:18:52.640 change does that any

00:18:53.780 kind of change if

00:18:54.540 you're you know like

00:18:56.160 just anything gets

00:18:58.240 you up get you up in

00:18:59.640 the morning and get

00:19:00.700 you fired up that's

00:19:02.520 that's what's going on

00:19:03.320 they got the new

00:19:03.740 president they had the

00:19:04.440 march and a million

00:19:05.840 women march or I'm not 0.98

00:19:07.420 sure how many women 1.00

00:19:07.920 it was a lot of women 1.00

00:19:08.900 you know and that's it

00:19:10.860 was pretty powerful to

00:19:11.800 see I think a lot of

00:19:12.700 the photos and stuff

00:19:13.560 because my mother was

00:19:14.600 a hard-working woman 1.00

00:19:16.100 you know and and you

00:19:17.880 know she delivered

00:19:18.440 newspapers since I was

00:19:19.500 born and she would

00:19:21.440 deliver baked goods

00:19:22.400 regionally on the

00:19:24.040 weekend you know she

00:19:25.140 tried to keep us off

00:19:25.800 of welfare and you

00:19:27.860 know we would get

00:19:28.340 some food from the

00:19:29.100 church and stuff like

00:19:29.940 that but so I think

00:19:31.220 that that was inspiring

00:19:32.120 to see these women you

00:19:33.440 know getting together

00:19:34.540 and and just creating a

00:19:37.180 bond there sometimes I

00:19:38.160 think feminism it just 1.00

00:19:40.200 turns into like a hate

00:19:41.340 men thing and that's

00:19:43.260 kind of scary you know

00:19:45.700 because men we're just

00:19:46.520 doing the best we can 0.97

00:19:47.360 we don't fucking know 0.98

00:19:48.480 you think we know 0.99

00:19:50.120 what's going on no we're

00:19:53.180 doing the best we can

00:19:54.680 you know I mean look

00:19:58.300 at us we don't we

00:20:00.020 don't know we don't

00:20:01.700 know I was thinking

00:20:05.420 that there's got to be

00:20:06.180 some dark husbands out 1.00

00:20:08.020 there who were praying

00:20:09.160 for an ISIS attack on

00:20:11.000 DC like hoping to get 1.00

00:20:13.660 rid of their wives you 0.99

00:20:14.820 know I'm sure there was

00:20:15.840 a couple of dudes

00:20:16.680 somewhere thinking like

00:20:17.900 you know better give

00:20:19.900 Janet a big hug this

00:20:21.200 could be it there's a

00:20:24.140 great movie called get

00:20:25.020 on the bus if you've

00:20:25.940 never seen it was about

00:20:26.800 the million man March

00:20:28.220 and I think it was for

00:20:30.840 when Martin Luther King

00:20:31.700 was speaking it's pretty

00:20:33.560 cool man Charles S

00:20:34.620 Dutton's in it but yeah

00:20:36.480 that homeless dude man

00:20:37.520 I borrowed his

00:20:38.240 headphones and I think

00:20:39.700 and dude the rap was

00:20:41.440 horrible it wasn't even

00:20:43.160 a rap I don't think it

00:20:44.020 was his song just felt

00:20:46.420 taken advantage of which

00:20:48.520 makes you think about

00:20:49.080 Ronald Reagan because

00:20:50.620 Reagan let all the

00:20:51.500 Reagan next time when I

00:20:54.560 see homeless dudes when

00:20:55.860 I see people struggling

00:20:56.740 out on the street those

00:20:58.140 are Reagan's boys that's

00:20:59.200 what I call them Reagan's

00:21:00.400 boys because if you look

00:21:01.980 back they had a law that

00:21:03.760 was passed in the 60s

00:21:05.060 that provided like a lot

00:21:07.840 of assistance and special

00:21:09.140 care for mental health

00:21:10.060 people well when Reagan

00:21:11.760 was in office the law

00:21:13.920 got repealed and all of a

00:21:17.240 sudden all the money was

00:21:18.420 going towards helping

00:21:19.060 people that were you

00:21:20.780 know just straight up 0.96

00:21:21.900 just a bunch of freaking 0.75

00:21:24.000 soul wizards out there 0.97

00:21:25.560 you know they they were

00:21:28.540 out on the street and a

00:21:30.000 lot of them are still out

00:21:30.920 there a lot of them have

00:21:32.320 been mating with other

00:21:33.300 homeless people and

00:21:34.180 making you know other

00:21:35.820 people that are out there

00:21:36.680 and that are having a

00:21:37.480 tough time and troubled

00:21:38.400 and and that's Reagan

00:21:40.340 bruh that's Reagan

00:21:41.640 everybody you know Reagan

00:21:43.100 takes a nice picture he's

00:21:44.100 got nice hair I respect all

00:21:45.600 that decent actor but

00:21:47.320 Reagan when you see some

00:21:49.480 people are out there

00:21:50.480 schizophrenic and really

00:21:51.620 struggling and those are

00:21:53.300 Reagan's boys man so you

00:21:55.680 know I don't know if

00:21:56.080 Nancy Reagan's still alive

00:21:57.240 but you could probably

00:21:57.820 tweet at her about it

00:21:59.020 oh man what else dude

00:22:01.860 what else man had some 0.99

00:22:05.340 adult sex bruh you know 0.99

00:22:08.120 had some adult sex and it 1.00

00:22:12.720 was good it was cool you 0.99

00:22:14.400 know it was cool I think

00:22:17.820 I gotta you know make

00:22:19.360 sure that when I am

00:22:20.700 getting sexually involved

00:22:21.840 that I'm you know making

00:22:23.440 sure it's like for

00:22:25.260 something poignant you know

00:22:26.540 it's for a real

00:22:27.160 relationship or in in that

00:22:29.280 sort of vein because I'll

00:22:30.140 say this dude if you stay

00:22:31.100 out there just ding-a-linging

00:22:33.200 every you know piece of

00:22:36.120 slick canal that pops up you

00:22:39.720 it's not gonna help your

00:22:40.900 heart you know and and I

00:22:44.240 know I'm almost preaching

00:22:45.240 to the choir so maybe I

00:22:47.980 had a moment fit a

00:22:49.060 weakness or something I

00:22:50.100 don't know you know at the

00:22:51.000 same time you're trying to

00:22:51.740 be a man and you know

00:22:53.120 this girl's cool she's a 0.98

00:22:55.380 neat chick and but I do 0.99

00:22:57.920 realize that you know my 0.67

00:23:02.280 triceps aren't what they

00:23:03.340 used to be that's for sure

00:23:04.620 I've really just felt kind

00:23:05.720 of meek just meek in the

00:23:07.940 triceps you know so that

00:23:11.360 really kind of hurt my

00:23:12.540 feelings a little bit got

00:23:13.420 in my head and one of my

00:23:15.020 hips was clicking I mean

00:23:17.560 just Morse code and the

00:23:19.820 whole time so that's you

00:23:22.740 know and this girl's a 1.00

00:23:23.280 little younger than me and

00:23:24.360 so that's that's just I

00:23:27.480 don't know if that's a

00:23:28.000 turn-off is that a turn-off if

00:23:29.200 you're a younger girl if any

00:23:31.100 younger women are listening

00:23:32.060 to this or young men who you

00:23:34.280 you know who prefer to be

00:23:36.080 with men if you're having 0.74

00:23:38.700 sex with a man and he's 0.99

00:23:40.540 older than you and his hip 0.99

00:23:41.560 clicks or his bones are

00:23:42.800 clicking and I already have

00:23:44.640 a weak neck I've always had

00:23:45.800 a weak neck never never

00:23:48.620 anything I feared more than

00:23:49.780 a headlock if there was

00:23:50.780 there was one buddy I had

00:23:52.020 growing up that was always

00:23:52.660 headlocking people and man I

00:23:54.060 couldn't be friends with him

00:23:55.300 after a while just out of the

00:23:57.340 fear just I couldn't I don't

00:23:59.200 think I'm I don't think I

00:24:00.020 could go through a headlock a

00:24:03.340 good headlock I couldn't go

00:24:04.500 through it but uh but if

00:24:07.040 there's any young ladies out 1.00

00:24:07.980 there who you know who do 0.98

00:24:09.560 sex with older you know 0.89

00:24:10.820 more adult men is that a 0.95

00:24:13.660 turn-off is that do you

00:24:15.120 notice that like if a man's

00:24:16.520 kind of you know his bones

00:24:17.900 are clicking or something if

00:24:19.240 you guys are being sensual

00:24:21.120 anyway let me know let me 0.95

00:24:24.120 know if you know sober sex 0.95

00:24:27.060 man that's sober sex that's 0.95

00:24:28.600 for children I feel like sober 0.98

00:24:31.480 sex is for children dude when 0.78

00:24:32.800 you're young you can be sober 1.00

00:24:35.080 and have sex bro it's 0.98

00:24:35.940 awesome you don't you know 0.99

00:24:37.580 you don't notice all your

00:24:38.700 own deficiencies or

00:24:40.800 inconsistencies you don't

00:24:42.180 notice like your ashy skin 0.98

00:24:44.840 or you know that you need 1.00

00:24:46.420 moisturizer on your ass or 1.00

00:24:48.380 you don't notice you know 1.00

00:24:49.400 you gotta you just don't

00:24:51.440 notice all your faults but

00:24:53.320 when you get out there as an 0.99

00:24:54.620 adult you're doing sober sex

00:24:56.820 man it's all your senses are

00:24:58.440 so heightened they're active

00:24:59.860 you know you're just things

00:25:02.460 are getting out of sorts it's

00:25:03.800 just so anyway if there's any

00:25:06.480 children out there do sex when 0.97

00:25:08.400 you're you know sober sex is for 0.99

00:25:09.820 children that's that's when you

00:25:11.740 do it you know get out there and

00:25:14.640 you know get your eggs moist out

00:25:18.660 there but uh but do it when you're

00:25:21.140 young you know because when you get

00:25:22.320 older it's just it's not the same

00:25:25.280 it's not the same it's not the

00:25:27.360 same but yeah man uh took this

00:25:31.080 young lady out bought a little

00:25:32.340 shellfish bro they got this place

00:25:34.420 around the corner they do a nice

00:25:35.820 little clam dinner um you know to

00:25:39.480 get you a big dish of clams and you

00:25:41.480 you know you kind of sit there you

00:25:42.700 can teamwork a little bit and you

00:25:45.340 know and that's really I feel like

00:25:46.680 always been the way to a girl's 1.00

00:25:47.940 heart man you throw some shellfish

00:25:49.580 in a lady and unless they're 1.00

00:25:51.340 allergic if they're allergic they'll

00:25:52.920 turn red so you know that's a

00:25:54.780 that's a stop that's a no-go shut

00:25:57.760 it down for the night bro when you

00:26:00.100 throw shellfish in a lady bro you 1.00

00:26:01.940 almost have to hide your dick because 1.00

00:26:03.560 they come out you know their libido 1.00

00:26:06.160 really strikes up even some of that

00:26:08.500 seaweed bro you warm it up that hot

00:26:10.480 kale bro you fill it brought up with 0.95

00:26:12.700 hot kale son you ready you're gonna

00:26:14.220 have to exercise some pee control baby

00:26:17.320 you know what I'm saying yeah boy

00:26:19.040 you throw a batch of hot clams in a

00:26:21.120 girl dog 1.00

00:26:21.860 you better have some pussy control 1.00

00:26:25.920 ready bro and I hate to use the p 1.00

00:26:28.060 word man I know a lot of ladies 1.00

00:26:29.340 don't like that

00:26:30.100 you know but that's what's up man

00:26:32.760 that's so yeah man got the girl you

00:26:35.320 know we had a nice time sweet gal

00:26:37.440 you know she works at actually met

00:26:41.160 met her at a at a one of those not a

00:26:45.620 eat and go us

00:26:46.460 hitting what's that gas station I

00:26:49.380 think is hit and run or eat and eat

00:26:51.260 and go hit and run no hit and run I

00:26:53.940 think is an accident it's a eat and

00:26:57.120 run she worked at a gas station again 0.99

00:26:58.920 inside not outside she's not pumping

00:27:00.900 the gas you know she's not really kind

00:27:03.280 of an outdoors woman she's more of an

00:27:04.760 indoor service center she works in the

00:27:06.880 service center at a gas station dealing

00:27:08.500 with you know people want to pay for

00:27:10.400 the gas get coffee snacks and different

00:27:13.560 indoor elements that she's vending in

00:27:16.020 there but nice girl man I met her a 1.00

00:27:18.400 couple times when I was getting a tank

00:27:19.880 and then you know we warm to each

00:27:22.380 other and uh next thing you know we

00:27:25.360 went on this is a second date that we

00:27:27.020 went on you know and um she got some

00:27:30.080 nice hair and just really she's not the 0.99

00:27:34.240 brightest I don't think really uh she's 0.87

00:27:38.020 not dumb she just isn't when it comes to 0.99

00:27:40.440 knowledge she just it's not really her 0.96

00:27:44.060 strong suit I would say you know but

00:27:46.080 anyway uh so we got sensual you know and

00:27:49.620 now I just got to monitor my feelings

00:27:51.740 because when I was younger if I would get

00:27:54.000 sensual with the woman you know get 0.99

00:27:55.420 sexual do sexual activity do some adult 0.96

00:27:57.960 sex a lot of times I would just kind of

00:28:00.440 you know hide from them or you know we're

00:28:03.120 not communicate but now I'm trying to

00:28:05.060 communicate clearly exactly what my

00:28:06.620 feelings are and that's tough to do man

00:28:09.640 you know living life on life's terms man

00:28:11.720 it's tough to do so just trying to be an

00:28:14.060 adult about the scenario so you know

00:28:16.740 keep me your thoughts about that if you

00:28:18.280 can because I'm gonna try to be honest

00:28:19.600 with this girl and uh and I can always

00:28:21.920 use support when it comes to that I feel

00:28:23.880 like um what else dude let's get into a

00:28:27.540 little bit more uh let's let's cover a

00:28:31.100 little more sensuality um I talked about 0.99

00:28:34.780 blowjobs on the past thing oral sex so I'll 1.00

00:28:38.760 tell you about this um when I was young 1.00

00:28:42.880 when I was a younger man I was a child

00:28:45.120 really I was just a middle-aged child

00:28:47.360 and they had one of my first girlfriends

00:28:52.280 now they had a girl in our school who had 0.97

00:28:55.140 uh who had done some blowjobs you know 1.00

00:28:57.700 and that was the rumor anyway and you 0.91

00:28:59.940 know once a girl once you once that rumor 0.54

00:29:02.180 hits the air it's you know when I was

00:29:04.760 young anyway it was you know the girls

00:29:07.400 were like all shaming her but all the

00:29:08.980 dudes were like whoa you know Tanya's got

00:29:13.720 that mouth boo boo so um so anyhow she 1.00

00:29:18.800 liked me man she liked me and this was

00:29:20.920 like the first girl or maybe the second

00:29:23.200 girl that ever liked me I dated another

00:29:24.720 girl that really was like a young man 0.71

00:29:26.360 almost she had real short short hair and 0.99

00:29:28.740 whenever we would hug uh kids would yell

00:29:32.380 out the bus and call us uh they would call 0.99

00:29:35.040 us fags honestly call us homosexuals um 0.99

00:29:38.140 even though she was and I would yell 0.99

00:29:39.440 back this is a girl um because I wanted 0.92

00:29:42.380 to stand up for her but uh but that still

00:29:45.160 kind of hurts my feelings because she was a 0.99

00:29:46.460 sweet girl real smart and grew up to be 1.00

00:29:49.480 beautiful but at the time she was you 1.00

00:29:51.860 know going through poverty and so was I

00:29:53.860 and you know just people were changing you

00:29:57.480 can morph into like the other sex for a

00:29:59.300 couple of after you know for an do you

00:30:01.340 during poverty you'll meet somebody during

00:30:03.220 the afternoon morning they'll look fine

00:30:04.920 the afternoon their neck is an inch

00:30:06.520 longer you know they hit like a feminine 1.00

00:30:09.040 speed bump in their poverty chair in

00:30:11.200 their poverty trail and so you don't know

00:30:14.680 but anyway she and I were going through

00:30:16.140 poverty around the same time and man our

00:30:19.340 loins were fired up every day and we 0.99

00:30:21.320 would touch hands and my just fucking 0.99

00:30:23.880 legs would get straight that's how just 0.99

00:30:26.300 erect I was at that time just god I

00:30:28.980 couldn't even turn my neck the blood was 0.84

00:30:31.940 just so tight I couldn't even turn my

00:30:34.620 weak weak little neck anyhow um so

00:30:40.120 anyway this other girl uh you know there 1.00

00:30:42.660 was rumor that she'd uh done some blow

00:30:44.460 jobs so I'm fired up you know because she 1.00

00:30:47.760 liked me you know and she was cute and

00:30:50.240 she was funny and uh and we went uh there

00:30:54.980 was a party or something and she and I

00:30:56.840 were gonna make out bruh you know and so

00:30:59.040 this was my big opportunity you know I

00:31:01.120 was a young man and I was just coming 0.96

00:31:04.040 into my feelings and my nipples were hard 0.97

00:31:06.300 one of my nipples stayed hard for dude 1.00

00:31:08.880 probably seven or eight years bruh my 0.93

00:31:12.180 left nipple I remember oh it was just so 0.93

00:31:15.260 sensitive you know it was just just a

00:31:18.820 tender just little it was just like a 0.99

00:31:21.340 little just a little fucking mole of 1.00

00:31:24.900 sensuality at the tip of my little you 1.00

00:31:28.060 know chest little boy little just boy

00:31:31.220 breast and um and anyhow so we supposed

00:31:36.420 to meet in at this party she and I were

00:31:39.020 gonna meet off in the woods and we're 0.98

00:31:40.940 gonna get do some blow job you know I 1.00

00:31:42.980 was gonna you know be the recipient of 0.98

00:31:44.540 this you know novel new practice really as

00:31:47.920 far as I was concerned because it was new

00:31:49.380 in in my zeitgeist of thought or zeitgeist

00:31:53.460 of life you know nobody was getting this

00:31:55.560 this was hot activity man and uh and so

00:32:01.740 we started you know kind of kissing a

00:32:03.760 little bit and I was nervous dude I was

00:32:06.160 so nervous I couldn't have I didn't I

00:32:07.940 didn't have any feelings in my body and 0.94

00:32:10.380 so she was like kind of getting my junk

00:32:12.140 out and a mom saw us dude somebody's mom 0.99

00:32:16.220 came up and saw us and I just felt so

00:32:19.640 ashamed bro oh dude this mom walked up 1.00

00:32:23.220 and saw us right dude and there was like

00:32:27.440 a pine tree right there and I went and

00:32:29.680 hid behind the pine tree like there was no

00:32:34.040 other like there was it was so obvious

00:32:37.780 and then and the mom's like she knew me

00:32:40.960 she's like Theo and I just pretended like

00:32:43.760 I wasn't there bro and I was literally nine

00:32:46.540 feet away from behind this pine tree and

00:32:48.900 she like walked over a few feet at a 1.00

00:32:50.820 different angle and she could obviously

00:32:52.200 see me and um and anyhow that kind of

00:32:55.620 ended the relationship with the young

00:32:57.000 lady uh you know it was just too much 0.96

00:33:00.540 it was just I don't know I was just

00:33:03.320 nervous and it was just brought a lot of

00:33:04.900 attention to you you know when you could

00:33:06.960 be the future recipient of the first blow 0.99

00:33:08.980 job out of all your friends it's just 0.99

00:33:10.680 all people are asking you about is this

00:33:13.500 and this and this and you know about

00:33:15.320 your you know your yes how you're

00:33:17.800 feeling today and making sure you eat

00:33:19.780 an extra lunch you know you got to gear

00:33:21.820 up and you know make sure you you know 1.00

00:33:24.180 you're not they're giving all like idiot 1.00

00:33:25.880 kids giving you like it Matt don't 1.00

00:33:27.460 masturbate you got to masturbate like just 1.00

00:33:29.720 crazy advice and just whatever dude and 1.00

00:33:32.600 eating different foods you know man you

00:33:34.580 gotta you know you gotta drink more water 1.00

00:33:36.820 you know you gotta make sure your dick's 0.99

00:33:38.420 right you know so I was doing all kinds 0.99

00:33:40.880 of crazy stuff man I remember um barring

00:33:43.660 some my mom's lotion and putting that 0.91

00:33:45.440 around my crotch and every I mean I was 0.78

00:33:47.260 you know I was just a young guy I was 0.84

00:33:49.660 going through it so that was just kind

00:33:51.840 of like my first oral experience dude

00:33:53.780 it didn't go well and I think I carried

00:33:55.860 a lot of shame from that because I was

00:33:57.480 just a lot of embarrassment you know and

00:33:59.460 and uh and then the girl and I ended

00:34:02.580 up breaking up and I think I was kind of

00:34:03.820 bummed because she was really a really 0.98

00:34:04.760 cool chick and who knows if she'd ever 1.00

00:34:06.860 given a blowjob before um but but 0.99

00:34:10.540 anyway that's my early blowjob story 0.99

00:34:12.960 uh but yeah man I just had oh I got a 0.98

00:34:16.420 peach yogurt I got a peach yogurt as

00:34:18.700 well because they got these fruit bits in

00:34:20.900 it and that's good stuff so I got that

00:34:23.240 peach as well um I want to I want to get

00:34:29.160 to uh a question from somebody I'm tired

00:34:32.640 man it's late but on snapchat the

00:34:36.500 blessed asked me the b-l-e-s-t asked me 0.98

00:34:41.640 uh what's my favorite road uh comedy

00:34:44.840 story and I'm gonna tell you this story

00:34:47.500 this this is a story that was told to

00:34:49.520 me but it's the best story that I've

00:34:51.100 ever heard so a comedian told me he was

00:34:54.180 performing one time in the Midwest

00:34:56.240 somewhere and after the show this hot

00:34:59.060 chick comes up to him right off the 1.00

00:35:00.820 stage and starts flirting with him all 1.00

00:35:03.380 over him and he was like a moderate

00:35:05.880 looking dude you know I'm an eight I

00:35:07.860 know I'm an eight I'm a healthy eight

00:35:09.920 bro as long as I take care of my teeth

00:35:11.440 I'm an eight I'm cool with where I'm at

00:35:13.540 you know I'm not jumping in conclusions

00:35:15.560 but this guy he told me he's like this

00:35:18.360 hot chick and he said she was out of 1.00

00:35:20.200 she was out of my league that's what he 0.95

00:35:21.740 said she was all over me bro all over

00:35:24.600 me so you know the place starts to

00:35:27.920 shut down we have a couple of

00:35:29.140 cocktails she and I are both liquored

00:35:30.760 up and I'm like well why don't you

00:35:32.660 come back to my hotel and she's like 0.96

00:35:34.920 well why don't you come with me to my

00:35:36.780 place and the next day he had to fly

00:35:41.160 out the next day at like noon so he's

00:35:43.820 like ah you know I don't know where it

00:35:45.600 is and I think it was in Cincinnati and

00:35:47.880 he's like I already don't know kind of

00:35:49.200 where I am and I don't know if that's

00:35:50.380 the best idea and he said the girl got

00:35:52.380 kind of upset but that she came back to

00:35:54.880 his hotel with him anyway so they start

00:35:57.500 kind of making out in his room and this 0.97

00:35:58.860 girl was like one of those crazy girls 1.00

00:36:00.780 that like starts biting you you ever get 0.97

00:36:02.460 that girl like you're just trying to 1.00

00:36:03.940 kiss and she's like trying to bite you 1.00

00:36:05.540 all sexually but like you know like 0.99

00:36:07.340 she'll like bite you on your chin and 1.00

00:36:09.020 she bites you too hard and then you're 1.00

00:36:11.300 pissed off and you're you know you're

00:36:13.740 missing a little bit of skin or 0.81

00:36:15.040 something on your cheek you're like 0.99

00:36:16.180 what the fuck like this is not joy for 0.99

00:36:19.720 anyone it's not joy for anyone but 0.99

00:36:22.900 anyway so he said she was like that

00:36:24.380 she was all over him biting him and 0.99

00:36:26.160 just kind of pulling his hair and he

00:36:27.460 didn't even have much hair and now he

00:36:28.660 doesn't have really any hair at all so

00:36:30.720 I wonder if that kind of resonates with

00:36:32.200 him a little bit when he thinks back

00:36:34.180 but but anyway she kept saying let's go

00:36:37.320 back to my place let's go back to my

00:36:38.960 place I've got drugs I've got pills you

00:36:41.340 know she kept saying that her dad was a

00:36:46.120 doctor and she's got pills and all this

00:36:47.940 stuff and my buddy started to get

00:36:49.800 freaked out he was like it was at the

00:36:51.080 point where she was so hot that I kept 1.00

00:36:52.780 keeping her around and I kept getting

00:36:54.360 bit but it was scary it was scary so

00:36:58.080 finally he's like look you got to go

00:36:59.640 and when he said that she like threw a

00:37:01.880 phone book or something in his room

00:37:03.200 this when they had phone this when they

00:37:04.560 have phone books and a phone book 0.99

00:37:06.920 dangerous fucking instrument thank God 0.99

00:37:09.160 we evolved to to just like online 0.99

00:37:12.760 yellow pages or white pages because

00:37:14.560 that thing probably a lot of spouses 1.00

00:37:17.200 you know weak males have lost their

00:37:20.200 their life to a phone book I bet but

00:37:22.540 anyhow he said that she threw the

00:37:24.380 phone book at him started throwing 0.99

00:37:25.620 shit in his room at him so he kicked her 1.00

00:37:27.280 out well the feature act the guy who was 0.99

00:37:32.120 opening up for him on the road a

00:37:33.860 younger dude was right down the hall

00:37:35.660 right and he heard the commotion or

00:37:38.320 whatever so he had come to his door and

00:37:40.740 while the chick is leaving she sees him 0.84

00:37:42.740 and she'd seen him on stage earlier

00:37:44.920 before too because she was at the show

00:37:46.680 where she met the headliner so she

00:37:49.080 starts flirting with this guy well he

00:37:51.080 doesn't really know what has occurred

00:37:52.540 he just knows that this hot chick is all 1.00

00:37:55.100 of a sudden is all over him this young

00:37:56.600 dude and she's like you should come 1.00

00:37:58.900 with me and so of course the young dude

00:38:01.740 bro you know his nuts are straight up

00:38:03.940 whispering in his ears let's go so he

00:38:07.400 left he left out with her they took a

00:38:10.520 taxi or whatever about 40 minutes and

00:38:14.160 they get out to this house and like

00:38:15.640 off this like kind of a little bit of a

00:38:17.480 not shady area but like a wooded area

00:38:19.940 and she takes him inside and they start

00:38:23.580 hooking up in this room and she's like 0.99

00:38:28.060 do you want me to is it okay if I

00:38:29.480 handcuff you and he's like sure yeah

00:38:32.260 that's cool you know he's like all

00:38:33.660 fired up so this chick like handcuffs him 1.00

00:38:37.480 and she'd taken some pills or something

00:38:39.000 right when they got there and they're all 0.98

00:38:40.980 fucked up well she handcuffs him starts 1.00

00:38:45.140 giving him a blow job and then she 1.00

00:38:49.000 passes out like unconscious like in his 0.99

00:38:53.160 lap like unconscious dude which has got

00:38:58.660 to be I mean I can't even imagine and

00:39:00.860 he's handcuffed at this house he doesn't

00:39:02.860 he doesn't know this girl really and the

00:39:06.540 door to the room is open and then he

00:39:11.200 sees headlights flash across the walls

00:39:15.160 like a car turning into the driveway the

00:39:18.240 driveway right so this dude's losing his 0.94

00:39:24.100 mind but probably just coming in his brain

00:39:27.020 but not like real sweet seed probably just

00:39:30.320 straight up scare and fear just juice just

00:39:33.660 flowing out of his his cerebellum stem into

00:39:38.440 his brain right and then he hears the front

00:39:40.440 door open like with keys and a man a grown

00:39:45.320 man walks past the room peeks in sees him

00:39:50.900 sees the girl walks into the kitchen he can 0.99

00:39:55.000 hear the guy in the kitchen here's the guy

00:39:57.200 do some stuff then the guy comes in picks

00:40:02.020 the girl up as a man about in his 50s

00:40:04.160 picks the girl up takes her out of the 0.99

00:40:07.260 room and the whole time a buddy's like a

00:40:10.320 pot you know or not my buddy but this guy's

00:40:12.160 the feature this guy who's there who's

00:40:14.720 chained up to the bed is like apologizing

00:40:17.100 and the old dude's not talking to him so

00:40:20.580 he's like scared out of his mind and they

00:40:23.180 didn't have cell phones before they had

00:40:24.580 cell phones so he's like freaking out

00:40:26.320 there's nothing he can do the dude comes

00:40:30.280 back in he's like don't make a word don't

00:40:33.700 make a sound don't say a thing and he sits

00:40:37.180 on the bed next to the guy and he's like if

00:40:40.960 I ever see with my daughter again it's not

00:40:45.100 going to end well for you and the dude is

00:40:48.120 like scared and squirrely and everything and 0.99

00:40:50.700 then the guy gives the young dude a blow job 0.96

00:40:56.280 man and he tells him like if he doesn't go 0.98

00:40:59.680 along with it that you know I don't know

00:41:03.200 maybe bad things are gonna happen or 0.99

00:41:04.720 whatever but he gives the dude a blow job 1.00

00:41:07.660 bruh like with a face and a penis dude and 1.00

00:41:12.080 that's the and then so the guy finishes or 0.99

00:41:15.460 whatever the dad then goes into the kitchen

00:41:17.480 and like apparently like made himself like a

00:41:21.120 sandwich or something I guess the kid said he

00:41:22.960 could hear the dad and they're making a

00:41:24.320 sandwich and not the kid the guy's not a

00:41:25.920 kid he's probably in his early 20s but then

00:41:29.540 the dad comes back in unlocks him tells him if he

00:41:34.320 ever sees him with his daughter again that uh that

00:41:38.040 it's that things are gonna be even worse and

00:41:40.540 then just kicks him out of the house so then

00:41:43.020 you got this young dude walking in the middle

00:41:45.420 of nowhere no phone gets to a pay phone calls

00:41:50.740 the headliner the dude who would kick the girl

00:41:53.240 out of his room earlier calls her and calls

00:41:57.880 him and says man you got to come pick me up

00:42:01.860 like this is where I am and the headliner came

00:42:04.380 and picked him up and when the when the guy got

00:42:07.220 back in his car that's the story that he told

00:42:10.140 him he told him what happened and that and that's

00:42:13.240 the story that that headliner told me and that's

00:42:16.100 the best road story that I've ever heard I mean it's

00:42:17.980 it's not great obviously because you know there's a lot

00:42:21.180 of crime in there there's um there's sexual you know

00:42:25.560 deviancy there's you know I mean the guy I guess got 0.95

00:42:28.360 orally you know raped or attacked you know it's 0.99

00:42:32.220 not right but it's fucking wild bruh you know what I'm 0.99

00:42:37.000 saying dude that's a crazy story and I can't imagine that this 0.87

00:42:40.300 headliner could make that up I mean it's just too intense

00:42:43.040 man it's just too intense bro so the blessed that's the craziest

00:42:48.880 story I ever heard I know that this uh this pod has had a lot of profanity

00:42:52.140 and stuff in it man and I'm sorry bro but I'm tired you know I'm tired and

00:42:55.840 when my brain gets weak sometimes it resorts to verbal you know it just wants

00:43:00.420 to be naughty it just wants to be naughty he won't he he got's a naughty 0.64

00:43:04.860 brain he got's a naughty brain but yeah I'm gonna break down real quick

00:43:10.460 maybe just to run through a quick recap I got to eat yogurts you know so I'm

00:43:14.480 square there I thought Melania looked good um thoughts and prayers to the

00:43:19.340 people in Georgia and Mississippi that were affected by the tornadoes a lot of

00:43:22.480 death over there I gotta get my triceps in order because you know this um and I

00:43:27.940 gotta check on this click and hip you know because uh because it's just you're

00:43:33.500 losing points there sexually I think if any younger girls or girls not young

00:43:37.540 girls you know of age adult women have any thoughts on that let me know or yeah 0.94

00:43:42.880 women you know or if you're married and your husband is body's clicking and

00:43:46.260 stuff during sex how do you do you acknowledge that do you let that pass um

00:43:51.340 man if there's something you do if there's like a silencer or something you

00:43:54.200 can put on like you wear a brace on your knee or something or you know wear

00:43:57.800 like a thick uh accoutrement around your waist to kind of hide some of the

00:44:01.440 click or muffle it uh let me know um if you see two homeless people making out

00:44:07.040 do what I do bro call the cops bro every time call the cops and the ladies 1.00

00:44:13.560 seem like well what's the crime and I'm like if they if they have sex and have a

00:44:18.720 child they're gonna make an immediately that child is homeless immediately and I

00:44:24.640 don't think that you know outdoor people and people that are having trouble don't

00:44:27.800 deserve the best but I don't know if that's the best way to go about it so what

00:44:34.080 else man let me just give you a uh I'll give you an update on how I'm feeling bro

00:44:39.460 I'm feeling I've just been feeling a little down in the dumps honestly this past

00:44:44.600 weekend so it's kind of a bummer um you know I feel a little bit sick from that

00:44:50.580 dude's uh headphones but yeah my spirits just aren't super up so I'm hoping that

00:44:56.240 tomorrow you know will be I mean obviously tomorrow's a new day and I'm gonna start

00:44:59.220 off with um you know hopefully maybe a little bit light prayer maybe some

00:45:02.640 meditation um I'm still stuck with my no masturbation policy so that's going

00:45:07.600 strong you know and I guess there are some positives and I just gotta focus on

00:45:11.540 that uh but sometimes it's not easy you know sometimes it's not easy um to keep

00:45:17.740 you know it's just life's tough and you sometimes don't even know what it is man

00:45:21.240 you know like I've suffered from depression a lot of videos you don't know

00:45:24.280 what it is but could be anything you know you know it could be anything so but

00:45:30.980 that's a little bit of what's going on with me uh I feel like we've been going

00:45:34.380 for a long time so I'm gonna postpone yeah I'm gonna postpone those oral sounds 0.79

00:45:39.200 till next week we've already talked enough about sexuality here today I feel like

00:45:43.460 and um and that sort of thing uh but I got another great story about from my 0.96

00:45:50.040 youth about oral sex but I'll tell that another time uh but yeah if you have any 0.99

00:45:54.600 thoughts on the on the on the episode or on the podcast or anything just let me 0.96

00:45:57.840 know you know because I'm trying to do my best I don't know what I'm supposed to

00:46:01.580 be doing I'm literally just sitting up in my apartment just talking into um a

00:46:05.780 recorder in the middle of the night so it's I mean if this ain't weird um I don't

00:46:12.680 know what it is but everything is so but I do appreciate you guys listening to

00:46:16.100 me I feel a little bit better than when I started I almost kind of feel like I had

00:46:19.360 somebody to talk to a little bit so maybe that's bizarre but I don't know

00:46:23.920 everything's bizarre but uh but take care of yourself why don't you do that huh

00:46:28.200 be good to yourself this week you know you owe it to yourself uh to try and be good

00:46:33.380 to yourself you know take some contrary actions if you're not feeling good try

00:46:37.100 something different you know if you got somebody to love tell them you love

00:46:41.380 them bro if you got a mother call them tell them you love them it's the only

00:46:45.840 mother you ever ever gonna have man it's the only one you ever gonna have bro I

00:46:50.320 don't care how much you hate her give her a buzz listen to her for an extra 10 1.00

00:46:54.400 minutes did I call mom the other day I don't even know what the fuck she was 1.00

00:46:58.700 talking about dude and most of the time I don't but at this age even though we 0.94

00:47:04.420 you know had odds at a lot of time in our life I just listen you know I just

00:47:08.600 listen um I just listen I'm not saying that I'm a good person because of that

00:47:14.220 I'm just saying that uh that I know that one day I'll look back and and

00:47:18.380 probably regret that I didn't so anyhow yeah sorry if I'm kind of dour you know

00:47:24.580 I'm just being however I can be but congrats to the Atlanta Falcons fans congrats to

00:47:30.580 the New England Patriots fans man Bill Belichick he's good he's good Pittsburgh 0.99

00:47:35.260 didn't show up um they just didn't show up but fuck the Saints man I love the 0.99

00:47:41.540 Saints but I just cannot deal with Sean Payton as the coach gotta go anyhow that's 1.00

00:47:45.560 enough sports talk um I'm actually gonna look on some stuff online how I can

00:47:50.060 strengthen my neck a little bit I bought this neck weight thing a while back it's

00:47:53.880 like this hula hoop for your neck uh but it's it seemed more dangerous I felt like

00:47:59.680 after a while then um then actually beneficial but we'll see we'll see man but

00:48:06.000 this is January 23rd I hope you have a great week uh and again any constructive

00:48:10.460 criticism I know this this episode got long I'll try to make it shorter in the

00:48:13.720 future you know I'm just I don't even know what I'm doing um but take care of

00:48:18.980 yourself I got some dates coming up I'll be in Baltimore in uh in February I know in

00:48:24.360 in yeah in February I'll be in Baltimore uh there's a chance I could come to

00:48:28.580 Jacksonville I should know that tomorrow um and I'll be in Virginia Beach this

00:48:33.660 coming weekend actually this weekend and I'll be in Chicago the following

00:48:39.080 weekend February 2nd through 4th out in Schaumburg but we got a lot of cool dates

00:48:43.440 coming up this year um and I appreciate you guys being here uh this is this past

00:48:48.000 weekend man have a great uh have a great day huh take care of yourself huh all

00:48:51.240 that's it that's it boy

00:48:58.320 so weird that we do this in America but that's America man we're a weird place I

00:49:06.160 think we're starting to recognize that I think everybody's starting to recognize

00:49:10.400 that but I'm happy that I live here man I feel just blessed to be in this country

00:49:14.820 the fact that we can even discuss how people feel I remember going to Cuba once

00:49:22.220 and uh and people would run up to the windows and they would tell us like that

00:49:26.400 they were prisoners but I was an American I was just drinking in their streets and

00:49:31.640 being a dumb American but I do remember that so we're pretty blessed man I am we all 0.70

00:49:39.580 are do we recognize it I hope so I don't know I don't know what I'm talking about dude 1.00

00:49:45.080 that fucking homeless guy just gotta carry my own headphones with me from now on I just 0.99

00:49:51.240 shouldn't have listened I shouldn't have listened I knew I shouldn't I just a hit I knew it wasn't 0.99

00:49:57.460 gonna be a hit there was zero chance of it being a hit dude but part of me wants you know

00:50:03.500 my inner Lou Pearlman wants to just wants to you know I don't know whatever man you guys be good

00:50:12.740 huh hail to the chief you're the chief you are the chief whoever you are hail to yourself huh be good

00:50:17.820 ladies and gentlemen I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club a podcast where I'll be sharing

00:50:27.780 thoughts on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner

00:50:33.100 the answer may shock you sometimes I'll interview my friends sometimes I won't and as always I'll

00:50:40.160 be joined by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages a lot of people are talking

00:50:46.700 about Kite Club I've been talking about Kite Club for so long longer than anybody else so great 0.99

00:50:52.980 hi sweetheart easy deal anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker 1.00

00:51:00.540 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me anyway first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about 0.85

00:51:15.920 Kite Club second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club third rule like and subscribe

00:51:22.600 wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube yeah and yes don't worry my Brad Pitt

00:51:28.540 impression will get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - January 23, 2017

1-23-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #6

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript