This Past Weekend with Theo Von - December 25, 2017


12-25-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #62


Episode Stats


Length

20 minutes

Words per minute

185.77483

Word count

3,843

Sentence count

3

Harmful content

Misogyny

9

sentences flagged

Toxicity

52

sentences flagged

Hate speech

7

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! I hope you all had a wonderful and safe holiday season. Merry Christmas to all and Happy Holidays to all the listeners out here in the universe. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Celebrate living, celebrate misery
00:00:19.680 You know that soon we're gonna die
00:00:25.700 Let's have some fun while we all die
00:00:32.720 What's up guys? Merry Christmas!
00:00:36.500 It is December 25th in the year 2017
00:00:41.000 And this is that Christmas time
00:00:46.100 You know, some places they don't even have Christmas
00:00:48.760 When you think about it
00:00:50.880 Hell 0.99
00:00:52.440 Good luck in hell, dude 0.99
00:00:54.900 Maybe you get Easter 0.75
00:00:56.260 Some other places, they probably don't have it
00:01:00.460 Deep in space
00:01:02.060 Underwater
00:01:03.740 People in a coma
00:01:05.700 So I think it's that time of year when I wanna think
00:01:09.020 You know, that I'm pretty fortunate to have
00:01:11.160 A holiday like this
00:01:12.880 Where you can get together with others
00:01:15.340 And even get together with yourself
00:01:17.280 Crack in a little bit of yourself
00:01:18.880 You know, sometimes you gotta twist that top off of yourself
00:01:22.120 And see if you spoiled or not
00:01:25.400 And that's what I think this time is here
00:01:28.220 Christmas time
00:01:29.640 You know, a time to really just check in with yourself
00:01:32.580 Ask your heart
00:01:34.460 If it's still working
00:01:36.520 Cause you still got a lot of
00:01:39.100 A lot of time to kill out here
00:01:40.880 In the universe
00:01:42.160 Merry Christmas to you guys
00:01:44.300 I am currently in Natchez, Mississippi
00:01:46.600 And I just had a little bit of prime rib
00:01:48.900 So if you
00:01:49.360 If I sound
00:01:50.640 You know, like I got other animals' bodies in me
00:01:54.200 That's because I had some prime rib 1.00
00:01:55.860 And that shit was rare 1.00
00:01:56.980 You know, I was at a house party 1.00
00:01:59.180 With some family friends
00:02:00.580 And
00:02:00.840 Sometimes you get in that meat line
00:02:03.220 And you know, it's not
00:02:05.200 It wasn't like a buffet
00:02:06.060 Where you get there
00:02:06.740 And you get to pick your meat
00:02:07.920 Cause if I pick my own meat
00:02:10.200 Yeah, I get a meat I want
00:02:11.680 But sometime
00:02:13.100 When you're just cruising along
00:02:14.260 In the meat line
00:02:15.000 And you get up there
00:02:15.800 It means that you're gonna get
00:02:17.060 You get what meat you get
00:02:19.380 You know, you get what meat you get
00:02:22.760 And I got a piece of rare, rare meat
00:02:26.220 I mean, this thing
00:02:27.800 Halfway through it
00:02:29.780 I thought I
00:02:30.220 You know, I could have been a veterinarian
00:02:31.660 I wasn't sure
00:02:32.780 You know, what side of the
00:02:35.360 What side of the realm I was doing
00:02:37.620 Was living on
00:02:38.480 If I was dining
00:02:39.240 Or if I was
00:02:40.840 You know, maybe in the fourth year
00:02:43.640 Of some type of veterinarian school
00:02:45.100 Where you actually get to slice into the animals
00:02:47.100 Cause I had some rare meat
00:02:48.640 But I'm out here in Natchez, Mississippi
00:02:51.300 And I'm coming to you today
00:02:52.380 From Sharp Sound Design Studios here
00:02:55.460 I got a nephew
00:02:58.360 That's in this band called Bishop Gun
00:03:00.780 And I'll put some of their hits on
00:03:02.720 As we get into the next year
00:03:03.880 But he has a studio here
00:03:05.780 In Natchez, Mississippi
00:03:06.880 Down here on the water
00:03:07.760 And it's a really beautiful spot
00:03:10.140 And so I'm just fortunate to be here
00:03:11.500 I had to crack into here
00:03:12.520 Because the place I'm staying at
00:03:14.320 Doesn't have internet
00:03:15.220 You know, they don't have the world wide web
00:03:17.300 Not every place does
00:03:18.480 It's like a little
00:03:19.060 It's almost like a little Ethiopia 1.00
00:03:20.460 Out here in Mississippi 0.51
00:03:21.600 And they don't have it
00:03:23.380 And so I had to drive here into town
00:03:24.680 And we got into this studio
00:03:26.260 And it's pretty cool
00:03:27.140 To be here
00:03:28.640 And to be here with you guys today
00:03:30.800 I want to thank everybody
00:03:31.680 For a wonderful year
00:03:32.760 You know, I want to thank
00:03:34.160 Our charter sponsor
00:03:34.880 Gray Block Pizza
00:03:35.880 You know, and if you got
00:03:37.620 If sometime
00:03:38.920 If you feel your tongue
00:03:40.260 Around in your mouth
00:03:40.940 And you feel a lot of extra space
00:03:42.400 In your mouth
00:03:43.100 Then maybe what you need
00:03:44.680 Is a little bit of pie
00:03:45.500 A little bit of pizza pie
00:03:46.920 Some Italian style
00:03:48.500 Maybe you need to fill your jowls
00:03:50.980 With that marinara
00:03:52.700 On crust and queso
00:03:54.080 You know, you need to get that pizza
00:03:56.520 You need to get that hit up
00:03:58.160 And you can do that
00:03:59.460 At grayblockpizza.com
00:04:01.780 You know, I've had a wonderful
00:04:04.280 Experience so far
00:04:05.620 Here on Christmas
00:04:06.140 I got to spend time
00:04:06.920 With my family
00:04:07.680 I, you know
00:04:10.720 It's Christmas Eve
00:04:11.700 Right now, technically
00:04:12.840 You know, so
00:04:14.100 Some of you guys
00:04:14.620 Will hear this on Christmas Day
00:04:15.860 And I got to spend
00:04:17.060 We did Christmas
00:04:17.680 At my family's house
00:04:18.780 Yesterday
00:04:19.720 And my sister lives out there
00:04:21.920 In Santa Ma, Louisiana
00:04:23.240 And it's a good place
00:04:24.840 To get, you know
00:04:26.780 Medium, mediumly educated
00:04:28.780 Good place to meet an animal
00:04:31.740 If you ever wanted to get
00:04:33.360 To know an animal
00:04:33.980 On a first name basis
00:04:35.220 I got to spend some time
00:04:36.840 At her house
00:04:37.420 And they had two bunnies
00:04:38.320 One of them is a show bunny
00:04:39.500 And one of them is just
00:04:41.260 You know, a bunny
00:04:43.120 That's not really
00:04:44.020 Trying to be a model
00:04:45.440 Or trying to be fancy
00:04:46.860 And it actually had
00:04:48.740 Some congestion
00:04:49.400 And I put a picture
00:04:50.220 Of it on my Instagram
00:04:50.900 It had
00:04:51.300 One of the bunnies
00:04:52.340 Was dealing with
00:04:52.780 Some congestion
00:04:53.400 But it was nice
00:04:54.900 To be around animals
00:04:56.200 And just around family
00:04:57.320 And we had a really
00:04:58.680 Nice time out there
00:04:59.680 Had some donuts
00:05:00.600 My stepfather was out there
00:05:02.760 And he was in a war
00:05:03.640 And so he talks about
00:05:05.040 That a lot of bit
00:05:05.660 Because he got dementia
00:05:06.500 And it's pretty wild
00:05:08.860 When dementia gets
00:05:09.700 Into your brain
00:05:10.260 Dementia is basically
00:05:11.360 It's like the enemy
00:05:12.400 And dementia is like
00:05:14.700 Dementia is like
00:05:17.220 You know that kid in school
00:05:18.140 That didn't study
00:05:19.020 Didn't do any homework 0.99
00:05:20.020 Never knew what the fuck 0.98
00:05:20.980 Was going on 0.87
00:05:21.860 Never had any books
00:05:23.140 Never had any pencils
00:05:24.180 You know
00:05:25.220 Never washed his hair
00:05:26.340 Sometime had body lice
00:05:27.540 That sort of stuff
00:05:28.380 That's kind of like
00:05:29.640 What dementia is
00:05:30.560 And that person
00:05:32.380 Starts living inside
00:05:33.320 Of your head
00:05:33.740 And you slowly
00:05:34.380 Start to become
00:05:35.020 That person
00:05:35.640 When you're a senior citizen
00:05:37.520 And that's something
00:05:38.620 That my stepdad
00:05:39.260 Was going through
00:05:39.800 And he was
00:05:40.180 You know talking a lot
00:05:41.400 About being in the war
00:05:42.360 And stuff like that
00:05:43.180 But the best you can do
00:05:44.860 Usually if somebody
00:05:45.580 Has that is
00:05:46.460 You know hold their hand
00:05:48.000 Or you know
00:05:50.460 Talk to them
00:05:51.040 About the war
00:05:51.700 A little bit
00:05:52.320 Maybe give them
00:05:52.840 Some donuts
00:05:53.520 You know you can
00:05:55.000 Offer to give them
00:05:55.600 Beer but don't
00:05:56.240 Give them beer
00:05:56.840 Or liquor
00:05:57.500 But don't even
00:05:58.620 Give them liquor
00:05:59.260 So we had a nice
00:06:00.980 Time over there
00:06:01.840 And then I came up
00:06:03.320 Into Mississippi today
00:06:04.460 I got some other
00:06:05.620 Family up here
00:06:06.280 And I used to work
00:06:06.980 On a farm up here
00:06:07.800 When I was younger
00:06:08.440 I used to work
00:06:08.840 On a soybean and
00:06:09.640 Corn and cotton farm
00:06:10.740 And we
00:06:12.840 And my buddy of mine
00:06:14.940 A good friend of mine
00:06:15.800 Who I worked on his farm
00:06:17.840 He passed away years ago
00:06:19.140 But he has a couple
00:06:20.380 Of children up here
00:06:21.220 And I come up here
00:06:22.520 On Christmas Eve
00:06:23.720 And we spend time together
00:06:24.760 So we had a really
00:06:25.500 You know just a nice time
00:06:27.580 Went to church today
00:06:30.240 Went to a three o'clock mass
00:06:31.660 I didn't know they had that
00:06:32.660 You know that afternoon mass
00:06:34.820 It's kind of like
00:06:35.300 The same time
00:06:35.920 Like if you've ever been
00:06:36.460 To the grocery store
00:06:37.240 At midnight
00:06:37.680 It's kind of the same
00:06:38.540 Type of clientele
00:06:39.500 You know
00:06:39.920 A lot of risque sisters 1.00
00:06:42.360 And you know
00:06:44.120 A lot of
00:06:44.620 A lot of troubled brothers
00:06:47.440 And risque sisters 0.99
00:06:48.360 In there
00:06:48.900 You know
00:06:49.940 Looking for the Lord
00:06:50.800 Because you know
00:06:52.200 Something's going on
00:06:52.880 If you come looking
00:06:53.420 For the Lord
00:06:53.920 In the afternoon
00:06:54.620 But we had a nice time
00:06:56.780 At the church today
00:06:57.880 So that was pretty beautiful
00:06:58.940 And you know
00:07:00.080 Just getting to just
00:07:00.900 Feel the joy
00:07:02.220 Of being around other people
00:07:03.220 You know
00:07:04.900 And that's one of the things
00:07:06.060 That I was just reminded of
00:07:07.240 Is just to
00:07:07.800 Just quit thinking sometimes
00:07:09.500 And just be
00:07:10.360 Just be where I am
00:07:11.940 You know
00:07:13.380 When I get that urge
00:07:14.200 To go look at my phone
00:07:15.180 Just to let that urge go
00:07:16.400 And just instead
00:07:18.020 Just reach out
00:07:18.720 And you know
00:07:19.700 Touch somebody
00:07:20.700 That's close to me
00:07:21.420 As long as I know them
00:07:22.320 And as long as legally
00:07:23.560 I'm able to touch them
00:07:24.540 And that's just
00:07:26.400 And that's just what
00:07:26.540 I'm trying to do
00:07:27.120 That's what I'm going to
00:07:27.460 Try to do tomorrow
00:07:28.280 And a little bit more
00:07:31.220 Of this Christmas holidays
00:07:32.060 Is just slow it down
00:07:33.420 You know
00:07:34.740 Hit that slow button
00:07:35.760 Hit that pause
00:07:37.200 And get that
00:07:39.560 And
00:07:40.920 And it's been a good year
00:07:43.160 And I
00:07:43.420 You know
00:07:43.760 And I thank you guys so much
00:07:45.140 I thank all of my Patreoners
00:07:46.460 I'm going to put a video up
00:07:47.900 Later on
00:07:48.280 Of
00:07:48.420 On YouTube only
00:07:49.960 Of the time I spent
00:07:51.300 With my family
00:07:51.920 So you guys will be able
00:07:53.100 To check in
00:07:53.620 And get to meet
00:07:54.100 A little bit of them
00:07:54.900 It was hard to record
00:07:56.300 Because it's so loud
00:07:57.300 In there
00:07:57.720 Especially with animals
00:07:58.920 And people interacting
00:07:59.960 Because animals don't know
00:08:01.980 That it's Christmas
00:08:02.620 You know
00:08:04.140 Sometimes you see an animal
00:08:05.120 And you're like
00:08:05.560 Oh yeah
00:08:06.100 That animal knows
00:08:07.460 That it's
00:08:08.440 You know
00:08:08.840 Halloween
00:08:09.240 Or that animal knows
00:08:10.360 That it's leap year
00:08:11.380 But if you think that
00:08:12.900 That's honestly
00:08:13.540 And not to
00:08:14.020 You know
00:08:14.360 Throw stones at you 1.00
00:08:15.120 But that's bullshit 1.00
00:08:15.760 That's crazy 1.00
00:08:16.440 And
00:08:18.640 And
00:08:19.180 It was just
00:08:19.740 You know
00:08:20.020 When you got a lot of
00:08:20.700 People with dementia
00:08:21.480 And you got animals
00:08:22.380 And you got a lot of
00:08:23.960 Children running around
00:08:25.020 It's joyous
00:08:27.140 But it's a tough time
00:08:27.960 To record something
00:08:29.320 Where you can hear
00:08:29.920 Everybody artfully
00:08:31.280 And good
00:08:31.820 But I'll do what I can
00:08:33.000 With that video
00:08:33.440 And put it up on YouTube
00:08:34.340 Later on Christmas Day
00:08:36.280 What else
00:08:38.980 You know
00:08:40.000 I had a pheasant
00:08:40.880 Earlier for dinner
00:08:41.920 Next to that prime rib
00:08:43.220 I had a little bit
00:08:43.680 Of a pheasant
00:08:44.280 And man
00:08:46.120 This thing
00:08:46.900 The meat
00:08:49.200 Is so small
00:08:50.220 On a pheasant
00:08:50.960 Almost
00:08:52.580 And I just
00:08:53.080 Seen that movie
00:08:53.560 Downsize
00:08:54.480 Downsizing
00:08:55.380 Last night
00:08:57.060 With Matt Damon
00:08:57.740 And I'll talk about
00:08:58.340 That in a minute
00:08:58.800 But this pheasant
00:08:59.520 Seemed like
00:09:00.100 You know
00:09:01.060 If you ever had
00:09:01.540 A pheasant
00:09:02.020 You feel
00:09:02.700 I don't want to say 0.97
00:09:04.560 You feel like a pervert 0.67
00:09:05.560 But
00:09:05.880 You know
00:09:07.400 You almost want
00:09:07.900 To check the
00:09:08.600 You know
00:09:10.940 Like you almost
00:09:11.460 Want to get
00:09:11.840 Consent from its parents
00:09:13.180 Before you even eat it
00:09:14.360 Because that thing
00:09:15.880 It comes in a little
00:09:17.040 You feel like
00:09:18.940 You shouldn't really
00:09:19.460 Be getting to know it
00:09:20.260 As well as you're
00:09:20.780 Getting to know it
00:09:21.600 If you ever had a pheasant
00:09:23.080 So that was
00:09:25.040 That was tough
00:09:26.820 To get through
00:09:27.480 It was tough
00:09:28.540 To get through
00:09:29.080 As a young man
00:09:29.980 You know
00:09:30.360 Especially these days
00:09:31.520 Where you don't even know
00:09:33.040 How you can talk to a 0.98
00:09:34.140 You know
00:09:35.100 Someone or the other
00:09:35.860 You know
00:09:36.500 How you're going to relate
00:09:38.080 To the opposite sex 1.00
00:09:39.180 And you know
00:09:40.160 You just want to be careful
00:09:41.620 In these days
00:09:42.120 And tread softly
00:09:43.020 It was a little
00:09:44.480 You know
00:09:45.960 I felt a little risque
00:09:46.920 Eating that pheasant
00:09:47.900 You know
00:09:49.640 And I felt almost
00:09:50.320 At one point
00:09:50.820 Like I should put a little
00:09:51.580 Prophylactic on my tongue
00:09:53.020 You know
00:09:53.300 Because it's just
00:09:54.160 I don't know
00:09:56.220 If you haven't had one
00:09:56.880 You don't know what I'm talking about
00:09:57.760 If you have had one
00:09:58.720 Then you're right here with me
00:09:59.840 That they should put something
00:10:01.380 You know
00:10:01.580 In the future
00:10:02.700 I would like to know
00:10:03.280 That these pheasants are
00:10:04.260 You know
00:10:05.780 At least 19, 20 years old
00:10:07.400 At least
00:10:07.940 Or 25 or 30 years old
00:10:09.760 So if I eat them
00:10:11.240 In the future
00:10:11.700 I'm going to
00:10:12.200 Try and do a little bit more
00:10:14.160 Background history
00:10:15.340 A background search
00:10:16.280 On some of these
00:10:17.580 You know
00:10:18.160 Novice birds
00:10:20.180 That I'm putting
00:10:20.920 Into my gullet
00:10:21.680 I'm putting 0.97
00:10:22.280 Into my face
00:10:23.760 Especially here
00:10:24.540 You know
00:10:25.440 On
00:10:25.640 On Jesus' birthday
00:10:27.500 So that's it
00:10:29.500 You know
00:10:30.300 It's
00:10:30.660 I'm not going to do
00:10:31.680 A long cast today guys
00:10:33.140 And it's
00:10:33.900 Because it's
00:10:35.000 You know
00:10:35.220 It's your Christmas too
00:10:36.260 And it's
00:10:37.660 You know
00:10:38.900 We're out here together
00:10:39.980 And
00:10:40.320 You know
00:10:41.560 I'm trying not to
00:10:42.480 One thing about Christmas
00:10:43.720 Sometimes I get so many texts
00:10:45.320 And I feel responsible
00:10:46.540 To give out so many texts
00:10:47.720 And that just becomes
00:10:49.300 And you can spend
00:10:50.440 Half your day
00:10:50.880 On your phone
00:10:51.540 Just responding to people
00:10:53.540 And replying to people
00:10:54.500 It's almost like
00:10:54.960 You don't even get to enjoy
00:10:56.240 You know
00:10:57.800 The essence
00:10:58.500 Of the peace
00:11:00.220 That's presented to us
00:11:02.200 Sometimes
00:11:02.560 At this time of year
00:11:03.620 So I'm going to try
00:11:05.660 To do that a little bit more
00:11:06.880 Over these next couple of days
00:11:09.000 And especially on tomorrow
00:11:10.380 I saw that movie
00:11:13.040 Downsizing
00:11:13.960 The first
00:11:15.300 38 minutes of it
00:11:17.240 Phenomenal
00:11:18.680 I'm a big Matt Damon fan
00:11:20.300 And the first 38 minutes
00:11:22.460 Of that film
00:11:23.160 Man it will make you
00:11:25.060 Want to just
00:11:25.840 It'll make you
00:11:27.160 Pet your own eyebrows 1.00
00:11:28.260 That shit is just 1.00
00:11:29.580 Straight joy 1.00
00:11:30.280 Into your face
00:11:31.040 But after that
00:11:32.580 It got real
00:11:33.300 Ambitious
00:11:34.440 And it turned into this
00:11:35.580 It turned into a PSA
00:11:37.960 On not only on
00:11:38.740 Climate change
00:11:39.760 But
00:11:40.240 On
00:11:42.320 I guess on
00:11:44.000 You know
00:11:45.500 How we live in the world
00:11:46.700 And poverty
00:11:47.380 And
00:11:47.780 You know
00:11:48.720 It had some great ideas
00:11:49.800 But it was just
00:11:50.480 Way too much
00:11:51.480 It was supposed to just be
00:11:53.220 Like a fun movie
00:11:54.200 About getting small
00:11:55.280 And suddenly
00:11:56.340 It was this
00:11:57.180 Heavy movie
00:11:58.460 That was very confusing
00:11:59.940 And so
00:12:01.120 If you're
00:12:01.700 You know
00:12:02.020 Planning to go see it
00:12:03.080 I would wait
00:12:04.040 I'd wait
00:12:04.460 Till it comes out
00:12:05.020 On something
00:12:05.380 That's a little
00:12:05.780 More easily
00:12:06.240 To view it on
00:12:07.040 And then I would
00:12:08.180 Split that cost
00:12:09.200 With somebody else
00:12:10.020 Who's curious about it
00:12:11.200 Or just watch
00:12:12.200 The first 38 minutes
00:12:13.220 And make up
00:12:13.680 Your own ending
00:12:14.320 That's what we did
00:12:15.540 We went to the film
00:12:16.360 And we saw it there
00:12:17.840 And then we kind of
00:12:18.860 We kind of decided
00:12:19.240 To think about
00:12:20.360 How would we
00:12:21.020 You know
00:12:21.740 View the film
00:12:22.420 Differently
00:12:23.020 Or how would we
00:12:24.980 You know
00:12:25.480 A new ending
00:12:26.320 That we would
00:12:26.720 Come up with
00:12:27.380 So I wouldn't
00:12:28.080 Recommend it
00:12:28.940 But I don't think
00:12:30.480 It's a bad movie
00:12:31.620 I just
00:12:32.680 You know
00:12:33.640 It was the only movie
00:12:34.340 That I've walked out of
00:12:35.500 And
00:12:36.900 And one of the things
00:12:38.420 Was I was about to walk out
00:12:39.440 And then some other people
00:12:40.220 Walked out
00:12:40.840 And to me
00:12:42.200 Those people in my mind
00:12:43.420 You know
00:12:43.740 Being judgmental
00:12:44.560 I was like 1.00
00:12:44.820 Those people look dumb 1.00
00:12:45.840 And if they're dumb 1.00
00:12:47.620 And they're walking out 1.00
00:12:48.640 Then
00:12:50.020 Then I felt dumb
00:12:51.220 For staying
00:12:53.000 You know 0.99
00:12:53.700 I felt even dumber 0.98
00:12:54.800 So 0.96
00:12:55.880 I mean
00:12:56.720 That just shows you
00:12:57.360 Where my head was at anyway
00:12:58.480 Just sitting there
00:12:59.340 You know
00:12:59.580 Stuck in judgment
00:13:00.420 And stuck in 1.00
00:13:01.120 Weird shit 0.99
00:13:02.400 In the middle of the night 1.00
00:13:03.320 In the movie theater
00:13:04.060 But I'm glad
00:13:05.120 I wasn't spraying out in there
00:13:06.520 I'm glad I wasn't
00:13:07.120 Doing nothing perverse
00:13:08.200 You know
00:13:09.540 I one time
00:13:10.400 Man 0.98
00:13:11.800 I met a damn 0.99
00:13:12.520 You know 0.99
00:13:13.620 I
00:13:13.860 I made some poor choices
00:13:15.780 In some of these theaters
00:13:16.560 But
00:13:16.820 You know
00:13:17.640 But that's
00:13:18.000 That's the past
00:13:18.720 And we're moving onward
00:13:19.640 But I
00:13:20.700 I want to thank you guys
00:13:22.200 For just being a part
00:13:22.840 Of the podcast this year
00:13:23.980 I want to wish everybody
00:13:25.240 A Merry Christmas
00:13:26.040 And
00:13:27.040 I hope that you
00:13:28.140 You know
00:13:29.540 If you feel a moment
00:13:30.540 In your heart today
00:13:31.520 Or tomorrow
00:13:32.460 Or this week
00:13:33.180 During the holidays
00:13:33.980 To reach out to somebody
00:13:35.720 Or to reach across the room
00:13:37.620 And hug somebody extra 0.99
00:13:39.280 Or to fucking shake 1.00
00:13:40.880 A little motherfucker 1.00
00:13:41.820 In the neck a little 1.00
00:13:42.880 You know
00:13:43.920 Or to just take
00:13:45.460 Somebody's pulse
00:13:46.240 Sometimes that's
00:13:46.920 The most sexy thing
00:13:47.820 You can do
00:13:48.420 Is just walk up
00:13:50.020 To somebody
00:13:50.680 A family member
00:13:51.920 A loved one
00:13:52.520 Even a
00:13:52.960 A child that's healthy
00:13:54.380 You know
00:13:55.480 And that's not
00:13:56.180 That you don't have
00:13:57.160 Any interest in
00:13:57.960 And just take
00:13:58.500 Take their pulse
00:13:59.400 You know
00:14:00.080 Just put your hand
00:14:01.260 On that artery
00:14:01.860 And just feel
00:14:03.960 Their life in them
00:14:04.820 You know
00:14:05.960 Get that hitter 0.88
00:14:06.760 Right off their neck 0.96
00:14:07.800 And that's free
00:14:09.040 Just let you
00:14:09.640 Just remind yourself
00:14:10.980 What you're on earth
00:14:11.920 With
00:14:12.320 Other humans
00:14:14.040 Other people out here
00:14:16.080 Living life
00:14:16.600 And doing things
00:14:17.400 Because that's what it is
00:14:19.220 Man
00:14:19.460 I feel like
00:14:19.960 In the end
00:14:20.660 You know
00:14:22.040 When it comes down
00:14:22.860 To it
00:14:23.200 And they roll you
00:14:24.260 Down into that hole
00:14:25.100 Or they
00:14:25.600 You know
00:14:26.360 A couple people
00:14:26.980 You know
00:14:27.740 Throw you out 0.99
00:14:28.560 In a hole 1.00
00:14:29.160 Or whatever
00:14:29.620 Whatever burial
00:14:30.840 You're gonna get
00:14:31.580 That you probably
00:14:33.200 Are reaching up
00:14:34.140 Wishing you had
00:14:35.560 Enough
00:14:35.860 Just one last touch
00:14:37.460 You know
00:14:38.920 Somebody sings a song
00:14:40.000 I think it's just called
00:14:40.740 I'm just looking
00:14:41.320 For some touch
00:14:42.400 And it's
00:14:44.320 You know
00:14:44.900 I really think
00:14:45.440 That's what we're
00:14:45.820 All looking for
00:14:46.580 So I wish
00:14:48.440 That everybody
00:14:48.800 Has a wonderful holiday
00:14:49.620 I wish you
00:14:50.020 Keep your heart open
00:14:50.940 Keep your head open
00:14:52.120 And touch somebody
00:14:52.980 Take somebody's pulse
00:14:54.580 Touch somebody's neck 0.56
00:14:55.680 If you
00:14:57.060 If you are
00:14:57.860 Touch somebody's nuts 0.98
00:14:59.480 Or crotch 0.99
00:15:00.020 If you're with them 0.98
00:15:00.780 Like that
00:15:01.380 If you have that connection
00:15:02.940 You know
00:15:03.840 Be a part of
00:15:04.400 Somebody's life
00:15:05.100 You know
00:15:06.380 Just get it out
00:15:07.040 Of your body
00:15:07.600 If you gotta get
00:15:08.940 Something out of your body
00:15:09.780 You gotta get that
00:15:10.380 Feeling of joy
00:15:11.140 Out of you
00:15:11.680 Legally
00:15:12.560 Get it out of you
00:15:13.780 Cause this is the
00:15:14.880 Time of year to do it
00:15:15.980 This is that
00:15:17.040 Last week of the year
00:15:18.360 This is that
00:15:19.420 Run up to the new year
00:15:20.880 This is that
00:15:21.220 This is the finish line
00:15:22.460 So finish this thing
00:15:24.340 Strong
00:15:24.920 Solid
00:15:25.480 Finish this thing
00:15:27.620 With your heart open
00:15:28.480 You know
00:15:29.880 Finish this thing
00:15:30.560 Popping off
00:15:31.320 Setting off
00:15:32.180 Don't be
00:15:33.260 You know
00:15:33.720 Getting up early 0.99
00:15:34.460 To jerk off 0.98
00:15:35.400 Or don't be 0.99
00:15:36.400 You know
00:15:36.980 Doing a bunch of pills
00:15:38.100 Or popping
00:15:38.940 Percocets out there
00:15:40.360 Take care of yourself
00:15:41.840 Love somebody
00:15:44.040 That needs to be loved
00:15:44.940 Love yourself
00:15:45.680 That's what I'm gonna
00:15:46.780 Try to do
00:15:47.640 Cause man
00:15:49.140 We all struggle
00:15:49.860 And I'm not
00:15:50.340 Preaching at you
00:15:51.200 But I'm preaching
00:15:52.620 With you
00:15:53.160 You know
00:15:54.160 I'm trying to be
00:15:54.600 Here in your corner
00:15:55.260 And it's Christmas man
00:15:58.200 You know
00:15:59.460 And if you see a kid
00:16:01.080 Loving that Christmas
00:16:01.880 Boy
00:16:02.120 Make it even more
00:16:03.080 Lovable form
00:16:03.960 You know
00:16:05.020 Put a little chocolate
00:16:06.720 On
00:16:06.940 You know
00:16:08.560 Put a little chocolate
00:16:09.880 On somebody's neck
00:16:10.780 Or back
00:16:11.200 When I was young
00:16:12.000 And you know
00:16:13.200 We didn't have a lot of money
00:16:14.000 And my mother would put
00:16:14.680 Chocolate on us
00:16:15.580 Just like on our shoulders
00:16:17.020 And the big thing
00:16:17.680 Was to try to lick 0.95
00:16:18.400 The chocolate off
00:16:19.100 Of each other's shoulders
00:16:19.960 When we were children
00:16:20.740 And it was like
00:16:22.240 A free game
00:16:22.980 That we could play
00:16:23.540 It only cost my mother
00:16:24.320 About a dollar
00:16:24.960 Fifty to get that
00:16:26.300 Bottle of chocolate sauce
00:16:27.780 And we'd get all
00:16:29.520 You know
00:16:29.940 We'd just get them
00:16:31.640 Chocolate shoulders
00:16:32.440 Going on
00:16:33.080 And just running around
00:16:35.120 Just trying to lick
00:16:35.740 Each other's shoulders
00:16:36.600 You know
00:16:36.900 We were all family
00:16:37.800 Most of us
00:16:38.480 Except sometimes
00:16:39.200 Some neighbor kids
00:16:40.200 But we were close enough
00:16:41.820 Where there wasn't
00:16:42.960 Nothing wrong about it
00:16:44.120 We were just enjoying
00:16:45.040 Each other's company
00:16:45.840 So
00:16:47.740 You know
00:16:49.140 It's nice to have
00:16:49.760 Those memories
00:16:50.180 And share those memories
00:16:51.060 With your loved ones
00:16:51.760 If you ever had
00:16:52.280 Something special
00:16:52.800 Happen during the holidays
00:16:53.740 Share it with a loved one
00:16:55.200 Don't keep
00:16:56.980 Just don't keep it inside
00:16:58.100 If you got something
00:16:58.640 Pretty sitting inside
00:16:59.480 You let that bird out
00:17:00.560 And let that bird land 0.92
00:17:02.040 In somebody else's cage
00:17:03.080 For a little bit
00:17:03.740 That's all you got to do
00:17:05.280 To let it loose
00:17:05.940 I promise you
00:17:06.540 That thing will land 1.00
00:17:07.320 Whatever that bird is
00:17:08.940 A story
00:17:09.500 A moment
00:17:10.220 A feeling
00:17:11.680 A memory
00:17:13.120 A touch
00:17:14.580 A promise
00:17:15.220 An apology
00:17:16.420 Let that bird out 0.94
00:17:17.960 Let that bird land somewhere
00:17:20.160 I promise you it will
00:17:21.360 Alright man
00:17:22.880 Thank you guys
00:17:23.460 For being with me
00:17:24.200 On this Christmas
00:17:25.120 Merry Christmas to you
00:17:26.320 Happy Hanukkah to you
00:17:27.920 Happy holidays
00:17:28.740 Happy everything
00:17:30.340 Whatever you like
00:17:31.260 Or if you're agnostic
00:17:32.840 Or you're atheist
00:17:34.120 Look
00:17:34.760 And you want to be out there
00:17:35.740 Freestyling
00:17:36.480 Go on
00:17:37.460 Get out there
00:17:38.240 But I'll see you
00:17:39.760 On the other side
00:17:40.440 Man
00:17:40.660 Or I won't
00:17:41.300 You know
00:17:42.360 But if I get to that other side
00:17:43.360 I'm going to send you
00:17:43.940 A little message
00:17:44.560 You know
00:17:44.800 Something naughty
00:17:45.500 You know
00:17:46.680 I might put a little bit
00:17:47.420 Of a thumbtack
00:17:48.460 In you
00:17:48.740 In your Reese's cup
00:17:50.700 Or something wild
00:17:52.040 Like that
00:17:52.400 To let you know
00:17:52.980 That I'm out there
00:17:53.720 Because I'm going on
00:17:55.320 Man
00:17:55.580 You know
00:17:56.820 I'm not
00:17:57.040 I'm not staying here
00:17:57.780 I'm not staying here
00:17:58.920 I'm not staying here
00:18:00.560 Stagnant
00:18:01.060 I'm going on
00:18:02.100 When I go
00:18:02.680 I'm going on
00:18:03.800 Onward
00:18:05.560 Alright man
00:18:06.940 Merry Christmas
00:18:07.480 Be good to yourselves
00:18:08.340 You probably deserve it
00:18:09.700 And I will
00:18:10.460 I'll see you guys
00:18:12.920 Next episode
00:18:13.500 Thank you so much
00:18:14.420 I also have to get
00:18:16.600 In this ad
00:18:17.080 One more time
00:18:17.620 We have one
00:18:18.120 For Live Tree
00:18:19.740 Live Tree
00:18:20.420 You can check it out
00:18:21.280 If you're tired
00:18:22.480 Of watching films
00:18:23.220 Like I saw
00:18:23.860 Downsizing
00:18:24.660 They're no good
00:18:25.420 We can change it
00:18:27.360 The future
00:18:28.300 Of films
00:18:29.140 Is in
00:18:30.000 The hands
00:18:30.520 Of the consumer
00:18:31.080 You pick who's in it
00:18:32.560 You pick who directs it
00:18:33.500 You pick what happens to it
00:18:34.680 It's the fantasy
00:18:35.500 Football of film work
00:18:36.560 And it's all starting
00:18:37.740 At LiveTree.com
00:18:39.820 Check it out now
00:18:41.240 See what they're doing
00:18:42.140 See what's going on
00:18:43.480 See what the future
00:18:44.080 Can look like
00:18:44.600 And how you can be
00:18:45.480 A part of it
00:18:46.080 With that ad
00:18:47.420 Out of the way
00:18:49.200 Thank you guys
00:18:49.960 So much for your support
00:18:50.760 And I love you man
00:18:52.740 I'm trying to anyway 1.00
00:18:53.700 Fuck 1.00
00:18:54.140 I don't know what 1.00
00:18:55.420 Sometimes I don't know
00:18:56.100 What I'm trying to do
00:18:56.780 But I am
00:18:57.480 I am trying
00:18:58.660 And I'm not going to
00:19:00.100 Stop that part of it
00:19:01.180 Alright be good
00:19:02.300 Bye bye
00:19:02.780 Ladies and gentlemen
00:19:04.860 I'm Jonathan Kite
00:19:06.060 And welcome to Kite Club
00:19:07.380 A podcast where I'll be
00:19:09.020 Sharing thoughts on things
00:19:10.080 Like current events
00:19:11.020 Stand up stories
00:19:12.240 And seven ways
00:19:13.360 To pleasure your partner
00:19:14.560 The answer may shock you
00:19:16.460 Sometimes I'll interview
00:19:17.780 My friends
00:19:18.500 Sometimes I won't
00:19:19.820 And as always
00:19:21.340 I'll be joined by
00:19:22.160 The voices in my head
00:19:23.300 You have
00:19:24.180 Three new voice messages
00:19:26.180 A lot of people
00:19:27.640 Are talking about
00:19:28.540 Kite Club
00:19:29.180 I've been talking
00:19:30.260 About Kite Club
00:19:31.160 For so long
00:19:31.980 Longer than anybody else
00:19:33.620 So great
00:19:34.400 Hey sweet 0.84
00:19:35.980 Here's a deal
00:19:37.460 Anyone who doesn't
00:19:38.980 Listen to Kite Club 0.97
00:19:39.920 Is a dodgy 0.99
00:19:40.780 Bloody wanker 0.99
00:19:41.960 Charmaine 0.99
00:19:42.680 I'll take a quarter
00:19:45.040 Pounder with cheese
00:19:45.960 And a McFlurry
00:19:47.000 Sorry sir
00:19:47.560 But our ice cream
00:19:48.100 Machine is broken
00:19:48.840 I think Tom Hanks
00:19:52.700 Just butt dialed me
00:19:53.800 Anyway
00:19:54.260 First rule of Kite Club
00:19:55.620 Is 0.88
00:19:56.200 Tell everyone about
00:19:57.400 Kite Club
00:19:57.920 Second rule of
00:19:58.820 Kite Club
00:19:59.280 Is 0.88
00:19:59.840 Tell everyone
00:20:00.900 About Kite Club
00:20:02.100 Third rule
00:20:02.860 Like and subscribe
00:20:04.040 Wherever you listen
00:20:04.940 To podcasts
00:20:05.740 Or watch us on
00:20:06.960 YouTube
00:20:07.260 Yeah
00:20:07.680 And yes
00:20:08.580 Don't worry
00:20:09.160 My Brad Pitt impression
00:20:10.400 Will get better
00:20:11.200 J éléments
00:20:16.240 Duel
00:20:18.340 Terrible
00:20:20.340 Exit
00:20:21.020 Duel
00:20:21.920 love
00:20:22.240 To
00:20:23.240 Duel
00:20:23.960 Commun
00:20:28.020 Duel
00:20:28.080 Duel
00:20:28.720 Duel
00:20:30.300 Duel
00:20:31.100 Duel
00:20:32.020 Duel
00:20:33.360 Duel
00:20:34.180 Duel
00:20:34.240 Duel
00:20:35.120 Duel
00:20:36.820 Duel
00:20:37.860 Duel
00:20:38.060 Duel
00:20:38.240 Duel
00:20:38.920 Duel
00:20:40.000 Duel
00:20:40.140 Duel
00:20:40.200 Duel
00:20:40.380 Duel