2-5-18 ｜ This Past Weekend #72
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 20 minutes
Words per Minute
183.12686
Summary
If you were an alien and you came here, would you tell everyone you re an alien? Or would you just tell everybody you re a normal human being? I mean, come on, we live in outer space, why not?
Transcript
00:01:00.660
And everybody's always talking about, you know, meet me at the mall or, you know, GPS.
00:01:19.900
So if you meet somebody and they seem like they might be a little bit foreign.
00:01:27.260
And I'm not talking about an illegal alien or illegal.
00:01:31.080
I'm talking about if you meet somebody and they got this crazy look in their eyes.
00:01:43.260
But from the inside of their body without even using their fingers.
00:01:49.180
Like the universe is just, you know, just, just, just, just tickling a feather against the back of their brain stem.
00:02:01.040
I mean, it's not that far-fetched to think that there could be aliens amongst us.
00:02:13.700
And if you were an alien and you came here, would you tell everybody?
00:02:29.060
You probably wouldn't tell anybody you're an alien.
00:02:33.900
I think these days, now, now you might tell people, oh yeah, I am an alien.
00:02:38.860
Because now it's like, it's like the me generation.
00:02:42.940
You know, now you'd be at a party and you'd have, you know, a couple gin and tonics.
00:02:47.560
And next thing you know, you're over in the, you know, you're over in the corner.
00:02:51.140
Showing, you know, showing one of your neighbors your freaking tentacle dick or whatever.
00:02:56.540
You know, or showing your, you know, how your nipples can light up.
00:03:01.400
You know, you'd be so, there's, now, I think if we're going to know if there are aliens amongst us,
00:03:07.780
Because I don't think that people can keep secrets as well as they used to.
00:03:13.420
And maybe that's just me being, you know, a little bit outlandish.
00:03:18.120
I don't think we can keep secrets as well as we used to.
00:03:30.040
You know, I know that those two words aren't connected.
00:03:36.400
You know, there's not a lot of secrets anymore.
00:03:40.220
You know, all the information, it's all out there.
00:03:52.820
Why don't you put your facts back in a bag and go on back down this mountain?
00:04:00.220
And I'm not saying that I don't want to be informed.
00:04:02.800
But I just want to say at a certain point for me,
00:04:05.500
where information starts to beat down on my imagination,
00:04:10.320
you know, where I can't even, you know, where imagining isn't even as fun,
00:04:16.040
Or adios migos, if you're listening to them rap boys.
00:04:27.700
Got to talk to him the other night at the comedy store.
00:04:33.460
Sometimes God have plans or a higher power have plans for you.
00:04:39.120
Because I know in the past, I'd planned on meeting Gerard Butler.
00:04:49.100
And they popped out and said, what's up to you, boy?
00:04:51.940
And we chatted for a while and it was a good conversation.
00:04:59.020
And then I decided I'm going to start podcasting.
00:05:02.660
And for me, man, out the gate, this bowl wasn't as,
00:05:09.940
It didn't feel, it didn't feel like the Super Bowl to me.
00:05:15.560
You know, I'm sitting there and I'm like, man, this is a Super Bowl?
00:05:29.080
I was like, oh, is this, it felt like a regular game.
00:05:31.960
And I don't know, first I wondered, well, maybe we're so used to things happening so fast now
00:05:40.420
that the two-week delay between the championship, NFC and AFC championship,
00:05:46.940
and the actual Super Bowl, that that's gotten to the point where it's too long.
00:05:51.860
That was one of my first thoughts, like, you know, because there comes a time,
00:05:55.840
like, there's a lot, there's a point where everything jumps the shark.
00:05:59.320
Like, you know, like those Beats by Dre headphones.
00:06:02.680
Remember those three years ago with the wide headphones?
00:06:05.820
They're similar to the one, they're similar to the ones that I have on in the YouTube.
00:06:12.320
They're similar to the ones that I have on in the YouTube, if you can see the YouTube.
00:06:21.400
And then about three or four months ago, I looked at somebody with them on,
00:06:29.320
You start seeing things like that, like, those are, that's not a thing anymore.
00:06:49.760
And our attention spans have gotten so short that two weeks is just not.
00:06:53.640
Now, also, I could have still been butthurt because my Saints, my New Orleans Saints, gave up one of the greatest plays in American history and probably in world history to the Minnesota Vikings.
00:07:07.460
But I stopped it at the first quarter, and I decided to come and podcast.
00:07:10.880
So, I got to change the batteries in my headphones right now.
00:07:17.300
We had, you know, we had that gentleman called in last week, Mickey.
00:07:20.700
On Thursday's episode, we had sweet Mickey called in, and he's terminally ill.
00:07:25.920
You know, he got, he have two bad lungs in his body.
00:07:29.160
And the Lord or the devil or somebody gave him some bad lungs.
00:07:40.580
And so, we had a lot of callers call in and have suggestions for him.
00:07:44.720
And so, we're going to get into some of that in a little bit.
00:07:48.840
I want to tell you guys about meeting Sweet Gerard.
00:07:57.520
You know, and I would say if you chop me open and divide it up, and divide me up into a hundred pieces,
00:08:07.220
I would say probably 97 of those pieces would be heterosexual.
00:08:13.240
And 3% of those pieces might be getting wild, you know, being naughty.
00:08:20.800
Seeing who might have a little bit of bulge in their forefront in their trousers.
00:08:24.760
But that doesn't mean I would try anything wild.
00:08:29.320
That just means I might have that double vision.
00:08:32.920
That doesn't mean I want to do anything sexual.
00:08:34.800
It just might see, it might be that I see a man's tricep, you know, in a distance.
00:08:50.660
He could get out of a pool easy without using the ladder.
00:08:58.460
And he out the pool like that without even using the ladder.
00:09:06.820
You know, just like a damn, just like an otter that's trying to get risque and get out of the pool.
00:09:15.020
You know, and I don't even know if otters just, if they sip on water or not, or breathe water.
00:09:21.660
But anyhow, but I'm just saying, so that's where I'm at inside of myself, you know.
00:09:27.900
You know, when I get older, 70, 80, I might be out there.
00:09:32.680
I might be out there gumming down on some straight up street wiener or whatever.
00:09:42.460
But I'm saying I saw Gerard Butler and the man have beautiful eyes.
00:09:47.460
He has, first of all, he could have one eye and be, and you wouldn't even notice.
00:09:55.860
He could have, because every time you see a one-eyed dude, you're like, damn.
00:10:02.500
You try to pretend like they don't have one eye, but they have one eye.
00:10:11.980
Usually when you look into somebody's eyes, your eyes kind of zoom in with theirs and y'all are eyed up.
00:10:17.680
But now, when you catch somebody and they got that patch and they patched up, your eyes don't know what to do.
00:10:35.940
And it's, but Gerard Butler, I'm just saying this.
00:10:50.520
From a straight man, for the most part, until I'm 70 or 80, when I might get out there and meet a man.
00:11:03.000
If you get out there and meet a man when you're older.
00:11:05.380
After you've already had a wife and had a family.
00:11:10.640
You've done your job as a father and as a husband.
00:11:14.120
And if you get out and about, you know, and you're out there skeeting out with some, you know,
00:11:26.700
That Gerard Butler, he could have an eye patch on you wouldn't even notice.
00:11:50.260
Right before I was on the Fighter and the Kid podcast, I went in.
00:11:53.240
And that's when I saw Gerard Butler at the comedy store.
00:11:56.420
And they were like, Gerard Butler's in the back of the room.
00:12:03.140
Because on stage, I'm trying not to be about my nerves anymore.
00:12:15.980
And then it was Pauly Shore's birthday last week.
00:12:25.000
And they had a lot of deviant, just they had a lot of wild human animals out at this party.
00:12:30.960
And they had a lot of porn stars and, you know, people with them fancy crotches
00:12:35.740
and, you know, vulvas that can juggle and all of that.
00:12:39.740
They had all them girls out there with them juggling vulvas and all of that.
00:12:44.860
And that was at the comedy store and they had a band.
00:12:47.760
And some girls on stage singing horrible karaoke.
00:12:53.020
And people were like, oh my God, what's this girl doing up there?
00:12:57.300
And then I heard some other girls say, oh, it's probably just some gal that blew Pauly for some stage time.
00:13:02.780
And that made me laugh because the truth is it probably was.
00:13:10.720
I mean, Pauly Shore grew up in the comedy store.
00:13:14.420
Dude, if I'm there for three or four hours, man, you could get anything you want at the comedy store.
00:13:28.620
You could gram up if you need a couple grams of this or that.
00:13:33.180
So if you're thinking of something, then you can think about what you want.
00:13:40.720
And you go there and you put both your hands out and you pet that poise.
00:13:50.180
And whatever your forbidden kitten is, you can get out there at the comedy store and you can catch that cat.
00:14:03.320
Dude, I went to the, you know, right by my place over here.
00:14:07.900
And right by my place over here in Los Angeles, they have a graveyard where Marilyn Monroe is buried.
00:14:13.380
And now, Hugh Hefner is finally in the wall next to her.
00:14:17.400
And that had been like, I think he bought her a grave site a long time ago or something.
00:14:21.800
And they plan to be buried right next to each other.
00:14:24.640
And I've been there a bunch, you know, probably about 10 times over my existence here in Los Angeles.
00:14:29.040
And finally, I get over there and both of them are, they were both, you know, shelved in the wall.
00:14:39.640
Yeah, I wonder if in the future, like whenever they have graves, like if you go to a cemetery, if they'll just have like a thing where you rub your phone over it and it shows you who it is.
00:14:51.660
I think about that kind of stuff sometimes, you know, about the future or, you know, I used to think a lot about, I used to have a lot of visions and stuff about things that could happen.
00:15:02.220
Like when I was young, I used to think that at one point they would have a disc or something you would put in your car.
00:15:12.000
But the band, they would have a hologram of the actual artist, whatever musician it was, and the artist would perform on your dashboard.
00:15:20.140
So while you were driving, they would have these holograms performing, you know, it could be anybody.
00:15:28.800
It could be, you know, Gerald Levert, Hall & Oates, Lyle Lovett.
00:15:37.380
It could be anybody performing on your dashboard.
00:15:39.780
And I used to have ideas of that and visions of that.
00:15:47.240
And I'm not saying I'm trying to wind up on Gerard.
00:16:02.580
I mean, and this guy had portals to the nether sphere.
00:16:08.240
You know, and it's like, are there aliens out there?
00:16:25.240
Dude, I'm just telling you, man, I'm not trying to be wild.
00:16:29.200
You know, when I was growing up, I had a friend that he had nice blue eyes and I always was jealous.
00:16:36.240
You don't see a fucking homeless dude with blue eyes.
00:16:42.020
You don't see some out there, dude out there, you know, jaying out behind the shoneys, you know?
00:16:48.000
Some guy self-skeating in a van out there by himself out there.
00:16:54.440
You know, all hopped up on ecstasy or something.
00:16:56.700
Fucking a damn grilled cheese sandwich in a van.
00:17:04.680
Talk about hooking a ridiculous accoutrement to something.
00:17:16.060
You go up the ladder, you're on top of a van, you idiot.
00:17:18.780
Why don't we hook a water purifier on the side?
00:17:29.060
Why don't we put a paper towel machine on the side?
00:17:33.040
In case you're having one of those crazy days where you got wet hands and you're standing outside of a van.
00:17:37.680
You know, some of the shit they put on there, we don't need all of this.
00:17:43.400
Let's put a soap dispenser on the side of the van.
00:17:47.120
Because if you're milling around a van a little bit too much, dude, you can, you know what I'm saying?
00:17:51.480
You wouldn't be surprised if you came in a little bit dirty.
00:17:53.200
We tried something a little different this week, man.
00:17:58.120
I decided to not have, you know, usually I got Shy Chris Perez, and that's the, you know, my Latino sidekick who's here affiliating and helping out.
00:18:11.220
And I got Bud Galloway, who came to fix the studio up this week and make it bigger, which he did.
00:18:15.900
Also, he didn't clean up anything and he hid all the cables.
00:18:19.000
So, basically it took me fucking two hours to set this shit up.
00:18:28.900
Be happy that at least anybody wants to come and help out and be a part of things.
00:18:37.800
You know, because I'm not going to be an alien to myself.
00:18:43.120
You know, when I start getting, just holding too much regret or too much judgment,
00:18:50.920
And that's when I want to climb up that van ladder.
00:18:56.240
You know, when you're just standing outside of a van and you're just, you're like, fuck, man.
00:19:01.020
I can't take it just, you know, being outside of this van anymore.
00:19:07.640
And then it's just like, and you're just on top of the van.
00:19:19.060
But I met Gerard Butler, beautiful two-eyed, two-eyed, two-eyed Jerry.
00:19:35.800
And I hate to say that, you know, but that's the risk you take on the track.
00:19:43.280
One time I remember could, something was in his eye socket.
00:19:47.300
He could take a, he could put a cigarette, a lit cigarette, you know, in that, in between his eye and that eye meat that's right under your eye.
00:20:02.400
Me and my brother, we used to take that train from Hammond, Louisiana, all the way up to Chicago, Champaign-Urbana.
00:20:12.440
And then he would drive us over to my grandparents' house where we would spend some time.
00:20:18.420
And then my grandparents didn't want me to come anymore and they just wanted my brother to come.
00:20:27.720
You know, sometimes your grandparents don't want you.
00:20:39.960
So I think here's what I'm thinking about doing.
00:20:41.500
And I think I'm going to check in with the game real quick.
00:20:43.000
You're not going to notice because I'm going to be right back.
00:20:47.140
Now, when I folded out of the game, it was 9 to 3.
00:20:51.680
Somebody had missed an extra point and that was Philadelphia.
00:20:55.280
And Philadelphia is that city of brotherly love, you know.
00:21:00.720
You know, they got that African-American culture.
00:21:05.100
They got that, you know, real things are happening.
00:21:14.440
You know, you got a lot of whites hiding in the distance.
00:21:17.680
You know, it's similar, similar, similar city work.
00:21:20.140
Now, it doesn't have, Philadelphia is more like that.
00:21:23.360
You know, they got that historical kind of aspect.
00:21:38.420
But it's a wild city and I know they're excited.
00:21:40.460
Dude, I went to this party one time in Philadelphia at night.
00:21:48.300
And they would stop the music, not joking, between every song and do the Eagles fight song.
00:21:54.880
And, Lord knows, if somebody did see an eagle up there in Philadelphia, they'd shoot that bitch down and eat it.
00:22:01.760
I mean, and that's, I mean, you know, I'm amazed that that's still their mascot.
00:22:07.680
You know, I'm surprised it's not the TV dinner.
00:22:11.220
But they said up in Philly, man, they had these dudes, like, trying to get me to hook up with one of their friends.
00:22:20.220
And they're like, yeah, man, take home, whatever, I don't know what her name was, Sheila or something, or Shayla.
00:22:27.180
Take home Shayla, you know, she's a real slam pig.
00:22:31.460
And that, I guess, meant somebody who was sexually active.
00:22:35.420
And I never thought about, I never even heard of that.
00:22:39.180
You know, somebody being a slam pig and somebody being sexually active like that.
00:22:46.640
I'm going to be right back in just a second, and I'll be able to update on how I felt so far in the game.
00:22:52.700
I felt like it didn't feel like the Super Bowl to me.
00:23:00.540
I thought that long shot that Philadelphia took into the end zone, out the gate, that was exciting because, you know, you see some of these young quarterbacks,
00:23:08.060
even though Foles isn't brand new, but you see these guys get in there and they get nervous.
00:23:12.040
You know, and you see Tom Brady out there, and they just had a video of him kissing his son, you know, which I think is fine.
00:23:20.760
I mean, it might have been a little wild because Tom was laying down.
00:23:26.040
You know, but I think if you want to kiss your son a little bit, that shit was a little bit Roman, really.
00:23:37.060
They was looking a little Targaryen there suddenly when, you know, his son leaned down and kissed him.
00:23:43.760
And it looked a little bit like the father was in a, like Tom Brady had died.
00:23:46.580
There was a lot of things going on there for me when I saw that video.
00:23:49.180
And if you haven't seen that video, it's Tom Brady kisses his son.
00:23:53.680
His son comes over and kisses him, and he said, it's not enough.
00:23:59.780
And look, dude, if my dad, I'll be honest with you, my father never won shit, dude.
00:24:04.620
And actually, he borrowed, I remember, about 70 bucks off of me when he died, right before he died.
00:24:09.240
And when you, 70 bucks off of a damn 16-year-old or 14-year-old or whatever, that's, I mean, hell, that was probably 70% of my retirement.
00:24:18.460
You know, and he, and he borrowed that money off of me.
00:24:22.600
And, and look, I'm just saying if my, like, I'm just saying this.
00:24:33.860
I might even kiss him on the neck a little bit, you know, and not even sexually, just like, fuck, this is my dad, you know.
00:24:43.100
Just like Russell, it's like, you know, when you got them hitters out there, there's something different about them.
00:24:50.140
If I were him, I'd wear sunglasses because somebody would steal one of that dude's fucking eyeballs.
00:24:56.840
If I ran up on Russell Crowe, man, and I had a piece on me or something, you know, man, I ain't taking a damn.
00:25:06.280
I'd fucking pull that piece out, put it up by his dome and say, give me that eyeball.
00:25:12.100
Fucking spit that bitch into a cup, Jerry, you know.
00:25:23.420
I don't know if your eye socket can spit something out, but spit that eyeball into a cup, Jerry, because I'm auctioning this bitch off the internet.
00:25:32.400
And then fast forward years later, I'm on a train on an Amtrak, and I see a guy in the corner smoking a cigarette out of his eye socket, empty eye socket, and it's Gerard Butler.
00:25:44.180
Because when you're a man like that, I don't think you fade fast.
00:25:51.260
You know, and that reminds me, I saw John Mayer the other night at the Comedy Store.
00:25:54.380
And I know I'm name dropping in this episode, but it's just crazy.
00:26:09.420
I mean, I'm envious of probably some parts of his life.
00:26:27.640
So this was about, let me see, 12 years ago I was working as a tour manager.
00:26:34.380
And that's basically where you just, you carry the guitar and drive around a musician.
00:26:41.060
And it just so happened that the musician was a friend of mine.
00:26:43.920
This actually might have been about 14 years ago.
00:26:49.640
And so next thing you know, you know, I'm driving Josh all around the country.
00:26:55.860
And he hired me as his tour manager because I was his friend.
00:27:01.140
Anyway, so next time, on that tour we met John Mayer.
00:27:05.920
Because John's music was coming out the same time as Josh's was.
00:27:18.520
And I hadn't, I had been listening to John Mayer's music because I was listening to all these breaking artists at the time.
00:27:26.880
A lot of my friends who were at the party did not know.
00:27:29.600
He wasn't, you know, he wasn't the John Mayer that people know about now.
00:27:50.580
And I just like bump kind of chest to chest with him.
00:27:53.020
And I was like, hey, John, I was like, I met you.
00:27:57.080
And before I could finish, he goes, I met you on Lafayette Street.
00:28:04.460
I'd met him about 12 years earlier on Lafayette Street.
00:28:16.660
Now, I wouldn't put it past John Mayer to be an alien.
00:28:19.880
And I don't mean that in like a negative alien or something.
00:28:23.520
You know, I just mean that as a basic regular alien.
00:28:26.580
Because he, I mean, the man has a lot of skills.
00:28:32.160
He's pretty, you know, he does a good job with that.
00:28:37.880
He has that, he's got that, you know, he's got that brain that's on that next level.
00:28:42.920
You know, he's like, we're all using a push mower and he's running on a weed whacker.
00:28:49.280
And I think if there were aliens amongst us, that's probably what they would have.
00:28:53.380
You know, because that would be, that would go under the radar.
00:28:57.000
You know, if you see something out in the distance, you know, with forearms or, I mean, we already shoot things with antlers.
00:29:03.120
So even if something shows up with an antler, it's fucking cluck, you know.
00:29:07.720
It's taking a fucking couple slugs to the dome, you know what I'm saying.
00:29:10.660
All of a sudden, for every, you know, buck or wildebeest out there, it's, you know.
00:29:20.460
Or every night is Chicago or New Orleans for them, for those animals.
00:29:23.940
Because they could get popped popped all the time.
00:29:32.280
And then we talked the other night for a little bit and it was, we just talked about like dating and relationships and that kind of thing.
00:30:04.480
You know, Philadelphia just looks fearless out there.
00:30:07.500
Like, they don't look like there's a lot of intimidation.
00:30:11.480
You can see the Patriots age a little bit showing.
00:30:21.020
So, he's throwing from, you know, it's like throwing from the second floor of a building.
00:30:27.600
Even when he's throwing downfield, it's like he's throwing downhill all day.
00:30:33.460
You know, he can throw a 30-yard pass and it's downhill.
00:30:36.460
You know, he just has that, you know, he's got that ability.
00:30:40.240
You know, and that's what happened when you suck a, when you get that little lip lock from your son, you get that extra ability, I bet.
00:30:50.380
And, and I saw the halftime show and it was good, man.
00:30:57.040
I thought, I thought that, that Timberlake just really, you know, he's like the closest thing we got to a black guy, I think, as white people.
00:31:07.680
You know, I used to think it was Michael Rappaport, but he's, it's not him.
00:31:13.680
It's, I think Timberlake's the closest, you know, when I was young, it was Rappaport was kind of that guy.
00:31:19.100
You remember he was in a lot of, you know, he always played the, the, the black white guy or the white guy in the black, in a lot of black shows.
00:31:28.600
Uh, but Timberlake's, you know, he's the closest thing that we got.
00:31:33.780
I thought he did a great job of just entertaining and I thought he heated up as it went on.
00:31:38.020
You know, we started off, he seemed a little bit, he looked, you know, you know, he seemed however old he was.
00:31:43.340
And by the time he got to the end, I'm like, damn, this boy, he might be about 14 now.
00:31:47.580
You know, he, dude, if he keeps, if he performs for another five minutes, he's going to end up back on the Mickey Mouse Club.
00:31:53.000
You know, because he was just, he was running on a lot of, uh, of good cylinders there.
00:32:09.320
The game's still going on and I'll, I'll check back in a little bit.
00:32:12.640
Uh, but Philadelphia was up by, I think, eight or ten.
00:32:18.800
We're going to crack into some of these calls in just a minute.
00:32:20.660
But I wanted to give you guys a state of the podcast address.
00:32:24.260
And that's just basically kind of like what's going on with the podcast, where we're at, and, uh, and what's cracking.
00:32:31.040
Um, overall, things are going really good, you know.
00:32:39.300
We're getting, you know, we're up to, like, a decent number.
00:32:43.280
Uh, we'd love to get to try, uh, uh, try to get to, you know, more subscribers on YouTube.
00:32:48.440
Um, but I wanted to talk to you about some of the stuff that's kind of going on and some of the stuff that's going to be happening, you know.
00:32:54.540
And really, it's, it's, it's just trying to get back to the simplicity of, of when the show started.
00:32:59.260
And that's something I wanted to do this week was just kind of, you know, just be here by myself doing it.
00:33:06.340
And I wanted to thank you guys for your support and for, you know, just for, you know, a lot of calls.
00:33:11.800
A lot of guys calling in about some real things that are going on.
00:33:15.300
And, um, and it helps me stay grounded and helps me think about, you know, people's lives outside of my own.
00:33:23.240
Because that's when I'm the best as a person, I find when I'm not thinking about myself.
00:33:33.480
And that, and that infection makes me, uh, think about myself a lot of times.
00:33:37.740
Um, you know, I, so I just want to let you guys know that this is going to continue to be a safe place.
00:33:42.680
I'm going to get back in and check in the voicemails again.
00:33:45.080
Uh, so that I know, you know, exactly what's called, who's calling in and what's going on.
00:33:54.500
Uh, you know, and, and we're going to keep, you know, you know,
00:33:57.880
a lot of guys were here whenever we started, you know, a lot of those OG, the, you know,
00:34:02.120
Tom from North Carolina, one leg, Pat, JP, animal guy, you know, he's going to be calling back in.
00:34:08.660
He sent me a picture yesterday of, uh, of his stepdaddy kind of, you know,
00:34:13.460
getting into an argument with, um, uh, an alligator, a small alligator or a fucking strong lizard.
00:34:21.100
Rico from New Hampshire, the guy, you know, everybody, Jesse, uh, Jimmy D'Amora,
00:34:25.300
who sent in, um, who, who sent in a lot of, uh, audio for us to check out.
00:34:30.500
Anybody that submitted music, Jesse Lucero, you know, um, Starlight Stevie,
00:34:36.820
who sent that stuff in last week, who sent that hitter in last week.
00:34:40.460
You know, the YouTubers, Johnson, four, five, four, three, Johnson, five, four, three.
00:34:49.040
We're going to keep, you know, we want to keep that localized vibe.
00:34:51.440
So that's some of the goal, um, trying to get to 50,000 subscribers.
00:34:55.040
You know, we have some goals in the big picture, you know, uh, what out.
00:34:59.160
And then to continue to try to do new stuff, you know, um, I had, uh, the, the studio is
00:35:06.880
You guys can't see it, but we're going to try to have a guest on and just see how that
00:35:11.360
You know, I mean, I still get nervous sometimes just talking to somebody.
00:35:14.840
So to talk to somebody and do it in front of other people, you know, it's baby steps for
00:35:19.200
me, some of this stuff, but, um, you know, to try to continue to do this past Thursday
00:35:25.460
every week to do a follow up because there's been some cool stuff, you know, um, some cool,
00:35:30.860
some cool, some cool men and women out there calling in with stuff that's going on in their
00:35:34.960
lives and us being able to discuss it as a group.
00:35:37.480
So I just want to let you guys know that that's kind of what's going on.
00:35:40.700
And really all that it is, is not much, you know, just trying to stick with the same
00:35:45.520
Um, by the end of the year, I'd love to have all my own equipment, you know, that we
00:35:50.940
And I want to thank everybody on Patreon who helps out and supports there, you know, that
00:35:55.000
I mean, you know, as soon as this fricking lens comes in, cause some assholes who are, who
00:35:59.780
are selling lenses out there aren't doing shit on the up and up because I've gotten, you
00:36:04.560
know, I've ordered these lenses and they haven't come in.
00:36:08.940
Um, but you know, it's trial and error and I want to thank gray block pizza cause they've been
00:36:13.200
there, you know, and they've been supportive all year and, um, and I'm just really grateful
00:36:18.580
because it's things like that that are helping us.
00:36:20.180
And by the end of the year, maybe be in a studio, being in an actual, you know, an onsite
00:36:25.600
location, an onsite location somewhere where we can do some real gang gang types type stuff,
00:36:34.760
So that's some things that are going on and that's just the state of the podcast address.
00:36:38.480
And really it's just a thank you, uh, for you guys' support.
00:36:47.180
You know, uh, I already told you guys what happened this past weekend, man, ran across
00:36:52.540
a lot of straight up superstars who could be aliens, who had that ability, you know, like
00:36:59.500
what if somebody came, what if something, you know, you got a message one day in your inbox
00:37:03.900
and it said that you were an alien, could you handle it?
00:37:11.060
Some of y'all are like, what the fuck's Theo talking about?
00:37:12.760
I'll tell you what the fuck I'm talking about, dude.
00:37:16.880
I'm talking about things that could be possible, man.
00:37:27.980
You don't think somebody out here could be milling around as a fucking alien, walking
00:37:33.820
around at night by themselves, fucking drinking gasoline and chocolate milk and probably, you
00:37:40.000
know, they could probably do crazy stuff, hide inside their own ass.
00:37:51.080
Dude, I knew a blind kid that could fucking jump high and I used to fight him.
00:38:00.240
And so until you've been through shit like that, you know, you, you know, when you go
00:38:04.980
through stuff like that, you start to believe what's possible out there.
00:38:08.740
You go fight a blind kid that could jump high, dude.
00:38:10.960
He's got the aggression of a damn, of a, of a Wolverine and that's a bull and a Wolverine,
00:38:16.420
And I'm sorry to get heated, man, but, but I think the one thing that if we did have
00:38:33.500
You know, people, I mean, fucking some people can't even, you know, talk to somebody who drinks
00:38:39.720
So, you know, 20 years ago, people couldn't handle somebody, you know, slipping them off to
00:38:44.900
But, daddy's on that alien tip, you know, you know, daddy's out there at night fucking
00:38:51.880
snorting stardust, dude, and eating fucking pieces of glass in the garage, you know, because
00:38:59.340
it, you know, because the, the orb in the distance says he has to.
00:39:04.540
But now if an alien were here, I think not only will we handle it, you know, he'd be like,
00:39:09.540
I mean, he would just probably, he'd be like The Rock.
00:39:12.660
He'd be like Dwayne The Rock Johnson, but he would have, you know, he'd have millions
00:39:16.000
of Twitter followers and Instagram followers and everything.
00:39:21.720
And if you were, if he was an alien now, he would admit it.
00:39:24.060
He'd be like, look, I'm an alien, you know, so give me all the free shit.
00:39:31.860
But let's get into the rest of the podcast, man.
00:39:37.300
Dude, so many great calls came in from my boy, Mickey.
00:39:44.180
And so we're going to listen to a little bit of Mickey right here.
00:39:55.180
And I'm currently at the end stage of a lung disease.
00:39:59.900
Now, my current lungs don't have very long left.
00:40:07.000
So like, you know, and this came in, this came in on Thursday's episode.
00:40:10.000
I'm just playing it against this in case some of you guys didn't hear it.
00:40:13.820
You ever had a gallon of milk and it gets to the end and you're shaking it like that?
00:40:23.960
The silver lining is that I'm going to be soon on the lung transplant list.
00:40:30.760
I'm going to get listed, which will give me a few more years to figure this whole thing out.
00:40:37.280
And I texted with Mickey the other day, you know, and he said he appreciated, you know,
00:40:40.900
how we discussed it last week on the cast and that we had a good time.
00:40:44.380
And we, you know, we just talked openly about what's going on, you know, about what's going
00:40:49.380
And he's on the, you know, that he's running light on air because we've all been somewhere.
00:40:54.760
We've all been running a little bit light on something, you know, but Mickey's got them
00:40:59.900
He's got them tickers in him and those things are just tick tocking and the whole time.
00:41:03.780
And so he's hoping to get on that transplant list.
00:41:06.500
And I know that that's a special moment, man, when that happens, that you get on that list
00:41:09.860
and you have that, you know, you have that hope.
00:41:12.760
And we're certainly going to wish that for you.
00:41:16.120
I said, look, man, we'll try to find you a lung through the podcast, you know, because
00:41:21.060
there's been some callers out there, fucking my boy JP down in Alabama, he's only have
00:41:28.060
So he probably wouldn't, you know, I'm not putting words in his mouth, you know, but
00:41:33.700
he probably wouldn't mind, you know, coming in on fucking, you know, one fucking, you
00:41:46.980
And it's been a really difficult time and I've been single through it.
00:41:53.200
My question to you, man, is during this difficult time that's really ruined my confidence, I
00:41:59.200
wanted to ask you and the viewers what they think, what are some good steps that I can
00:42:05.480
take to start boosting my confidence and my self-worth?
00:42:10.800
Man, and you know what this makes me think, man, honestly, is that it's just, it's so
00:42:16.040
wild that, that we are in a time where men are struggling so much with their self-confidence
00:42:24.680
That even, that even, it's like no matter what is going on, I mean, here is Mickey with a
00:42:33.520
I mean, this is something that is probably very rare.
00:42:36.800
You know, I remember when my sister needed a liver, it was, I mean, one in like a million
00:42:45.340
And I don't even know what Mickey did, you know?
00:42:48.040
Some people blow through their own stuff, you know?
00:42:50.820
You might, I mean, if he's out there fucking huffing gas or something or doing that kind
00:42:54.220
of shit and blowing through his lungs, then that's different.
00:42:57.100
But if this is something that, you know, that came into him by nature, then that's, you know,
00:43:01.720
then that's, that's another different, you know?
00:43:04.100
And that's more real, but, you know, here you are, you know, you have this, you have
00:43:09.680
this thing going on, man, and you are, you're dealing with the same stuff still, you know,
00:43:15.940
It's wild that, you know, that it's like no matter who we are, that sometimes there's
00:43:21.860
so many problems that are, you know, that, that just connect us all.
00:43:28.820
I mean, you could have somebody out there with no head or no, and no arms and legs and
00:43:35.440
they, you know, they, they would still be worrying about self-confidence, you know, and
00:43:41.740
And it just, I don't know how it may, it makes me feel, man, it makes me feel, I guess
00:43:50.980
a little bit, I don't know if I want to say, not ungrateful, but it makes me feel a little
00:43:56.720
disappointed maybe in myself, you know, that here I am and I'm, you know, I'm healthier
00:44:01.440
than Mickey is right now and that I'm, you know, maybe I'm not taking all the steps I
00:44:07.040
could take all the time to try and boost my own self-confidence and stuff like that.
00:44:11.720
Even though I know it's not one of those things, it's, you know, that's always easily fixable,
00:44:16.280
but, you know, it's like, here I am just, you know, uh, here I am, I don't have a ticking
00:44:24.740
time, you know, I don't have to, you know, two ticking time bombs in my body, you know,
00:44:31.240
And, and so since that's the case, I'm not worried about as much about, you know, always
00:44:38.480
Whereas here's Mickey's out there, he's on the clock and one of the things he wants
00:44:41.800
to do, he wants to man up in case he doesn't, in case he doesn't have the opportunity to
00:44:46.860
He wants to defeat that self-confidence, you know, and, you know, man, it's just, I can't
00:44:51.900
imagine what you've been through, but some of our listeners have some thoughts for you
00:44:54.780
and some suggestions and we're going to crack in a little bit that right now.
00:44:59.200
Yeah, the, uh, it's Ricky Dickey from Pittsburgh.
00:45:03.340
Oh, and this is Ricky Dickey from Pittsburgh and I've never even, I don't know, I guess that's
00:45:09.560
I've never, I don't think I ever called anybody Ricky Dickey.
00:45:13.240
I'm calling in to talk about, uh, our boy Mickey and the lungs.
00:45:18.160
And I think, uh, I think his best bet might be to find someone with, you know, another
00:45:24.560
ailment, someone that needs a kidney or a liver or they need lungs and they could breathe life
00:45:33.340
Well, I mean, it seems like obvious pun intended right there, but, uh, but you know what, man,
00:45:42.580
You know, it is funny how we, we, you, if you, if you have somebody that has some of the
00:45:50.120
And that's one thing that sharing issues does when we're able to share like what is, what
00:45:58.540
You know, when you're able to share that with somebody, it, it's crazy how it brings you
00:46:02.620
You know, I've noticed that in brief moments, um, with dating and stuff like that, when I'm
00:46:09.700
actually able to try and voice what is going on, what scares me that it ends up instead of
00:46:20.700
thinking, fuck, I'm going to say this and this person is going to hate me or this person is
00:46:33.560
And so much care usually comes out of understanding, um, that it's fascinating.
00:46:40.900
So you may be onto something there, you know, that, you know, sometimes you can see that you
00:46:46.840
can see what you know, the feeling of, and you see it in somebody else.
00:46:51.860
Um, and if you're able to be a good partner for that person, because you can understand
00:46:57.780
them the best, because you're saddling up on that, on those feelings and riding that
00:47:06.220
Now, if you're talking about just mixing, matching people, that's Frankensteinian.
00:47:11.300
If you're talking about finding somebody with a one leg and somebody with a different leg
00:47:17.480
You know, that's, you know, I mean, that's just, I mean, it makes sense if you're charting,
00:47:21.960
if you're, you know, doing a drawing and if you're trying to, you know, if you're, if you're
00:47:26.640
doing a human puzzle, a puzzle made out of humans, but it doesn't make sense realistically,
00:47:33.360
You know, but, but I don't know if you had somebody that, you know, their heart didn't
00:47:37.620
work and yet somebody's brain didn't work and you put them together.
00:47:40.100
Could make beauty, but that's Ricky Dickey out of Pittsburgh, man, making us a little
00:47:47.220
bit of some suggestions for Mickey and, and also I know I'm going to be in Tacoma and I,
00:47:52.380
you know, I'm going to be in Tacoma and I'm announcing it right now, the 15th and 16th,
00:47:56.260
that's Thursday and Friday and that's outside of Seattle and Tacoma and we're going to try
00:48:01.220
to get a date for Mickey because, you know, in the rest of his call, if you listened last
00:48:04.920
week, he talks about, he wants to have more confidence, you know, he'd like to meet, he'd
00:48:08.880
like to, you know, fall in love, you know, he'd like to meet a lady and he wasn't talking
00:48:13.440
about sex, he wasn't talking about, you know, um, you know, just reaching down into some
00:48:21.660
He was talking about being out there and maybe looking for some love, you know, look, he was
00:48:26.260
out there trying to get up in that, you know, that baritone maker in between that, in between
00:48:37.620
Let's listen to another call that came in right here, but we're going to try to set Mickey
00:48:42.340
So if you have somebody out there in Tacoma who's a lady, you know, you know, and she's
00:48:49.640
She don't mind a little guy who's, you know, maybe who might, you know, have to take an early
00:48:53.940
break during sex, you know, then maybe you could set, you know, set us up and get my
00:49:01.060
boy Mickey out there and let's, you know, maybe him will go and me and him and I'll bring a
00:49:04.640
lady or something and we'll take, um, some ladies out on a double date or something, or
00:49:08.540
we'll just set them up and let him and this girl go out there and have a good time, you
00:49:13.460
But, uh, but no matter what, Mickey's going to be my guest there up there in Tacoma, man,
00:49:20.180
Let's hear some other calls you guys had for him.
00:49:23.940
Jason calling from California in regards to the guy who's waiting for a lung transplant.
00:49:34.740
There's absolutely, totally a way that he can be confident just as much as the rest of
00:49:38.540
us because I think at the end of the day, the person who has the most integrity, who
00:49:43.300
is the most true to their soul, that is like the most real man that you can be.
00:49:49.160
And if you're ever in the presence of a person who is just authentically empowered with
00:49:53.920
no guilt, with total integrity, total devotion to just doing the right thing for all who
00:49:59.800
are involved, there is a sense of energy that person carries that even a very large, confident
00:50:05.800
bodybuilder would have to kind of recognize that.
00:50:12.440
I think you might have just put everybody on blast right there, like in our hearts, you
00:50:19.340
I mean, that's, that's, I mean, that was a, I mean, that's a real, that was awesome, Jason.
00:50:25.400
Um, let's listen to the end of this and then I'll, and respect it.
00:50:29.740
I would start to really build up personal integrity, start helping people, start making
00:50:33.840
people feel better and start being the one person who is brave enough to be nice and do
00:50:38.920
the righteous thing, especially if you only have a few years left, that could be your gift.
00:50:46.300
I mean, that's, you know, that's why I'm the middle man here because I don't, I, you
00:50:53.980
I don't have those words inside of me like that man did right there.
00:50:58.020
But if for some reason, when he said that, I know that, that, that, that, that, that's
00:51:03.200
When you have that, when you are the truest man, it's like you're surfing your own, it's
00:51:13.240
like surfing your own, it's like surfing on your own semen, bro.
00:51:17.460
And I don't mean to be crass, but I bet that's how it feels.
00:51:21.460
When you are guilt free and you are living and you are living in the place where you,
00:51:31.180
where you, where you, where you are just going to be righteous.
00:51:37.220
You know, now the problem is when you do that, it's just the, that's when that ego, that
00:51:41.360
ego starts taking hits off of your righteous after you doing the right things and starts
00:51:45.680
telling it, oh, I do the right things, you know, and that's where the ego comes in.
00:51:52.380
And maybe I'm talking because I've never done that, you know, I mean, I've never lived
00:51:57.520
completely, you know, out of debt emotionally or out of debt spiritually.
00:52:04.800
You know, I'm in spiritual debt, you know, and I don't, I'm not coming at you in like
00:52:10.020
a religious way or anything, but I just know in my heart that, uh, you know, that there's,
00:52:17.320
you know, I've got a couple of outsiders living in my heart, you know what I'm saying?
00:52:22.100
But I know that that's the right answer, that if you, if you build up that integrity, man,
00:52:25.920
you build up that 100% that people can smell that on you.
00:52:40.680
Um, I'm calling in response to your boy, uh, Trick Lung Mickey.
00:52:46.260
And if you want to see the call for specifically from Mickey and, um, and my thoughts on it,
00:52:53.120
I'm not in his personal situation, so I can't say how it would be to overcome, you know,
00:52:57.940
the fear of death in such a short time span and then how to talk to women.
00:53:02.720
But I feel like, you know, the best bet for him to do would be to accept it as quick as
00:53:10.980
And once you start joking about it, you know, I don't know if you'll ever be able to really
00:53:14.580
accept it because I think that's the thing that everyone, you know, has troubles dealing
00:53:19.420
And, you know, the fear of dying is so, so scary, but, uh, yeah, the best thing maybe
00:53:27.600
And then, well, I mean, look, I think Mickey's called up confident as fuck, dude.
00:53:40.500
I think Mickey called up 100 about his activity, you know.
00:53:46.600
He could just lay on the internet and jerk off, dude, you know, and get exhausted quick
00:53:52.740
and just, you know, rest a little and then jerk off again.
00:53:58.300
You know, he's saying he wants to, he wants more.
00:54:21.860
He's asking the universe, I want love because I'm going to get on that transplant list.
00:54:27.600
I'm going to get that second, I'm going to get four lungs.
00:54:33.060
Mickey's going to be a damn amphibian come 2022.
00:54:38.360
That boy's going to be out there fucking backstroking in your lake
00:54:41.620
and banging your sister and stepmom at the same time.
00:54:48.460
So freaking, you know, I mean, Pennsylvania Pete accepted and, I mean, like, I feel you.
00:54:57.580
But, you know, maybe you got to accept, Big Petey.
00:55:02.960
Maybe you got to accept, maybe you sitting around your room looking you got three or four sisters or siblings in the house, female siblings.
00:55:12.420
Maybe you scared that somebody with as much integrity as sweet Mickey has out there, that when he gets sucrose-ed up with them new airbags, that he's going to come to your house.
00:55:22.720
And he's going to give you a bunch of nieces and nephews, you know, because that is a lover boy.
00:55:53.960
You honestly sound like you have less time to be alive than Mickey, bro, to be honest with you, bro.
00:56:03.800
And look, and Mickey and I texted the other day about joking around, and he was cool, man.
00:56:08.060
He said it was, you know, he laughed, and he'd been having a laugh, and he'd been sharing this experience with his friends.
00:56:16.220
So sometimes if somebody's like, man, you joke about shit that's too real, well, guess what?
00:56:23.860
And I do know that it is a problem that I have.
00:56:25.520
Sometimes I do joke when things shouldn't be joked about.
00:56:29.580
But I mean, I grew up, man, my dad was 70 when I was born.
00:56:32.240
My sister had a liver, was not on the liver list.
00:56:38.660
She was green and yellow and different colors for five, six years.
00:56:44.960
Looked like a damn, you know, looked like a, I mean, looked like a scarecrow.
00:56:53.140
So my first thoughts growing up was that everybody's dying.
00:56:56.760
You know, I'm not trying to glum anybody out, but I'm trying to let you know where some of my sense of humor comes from.
00:57:01.840
You know, so you don't think I'm just out here.
00:57:07.860
That if I didn't have a, if I wasn't able to find some joy in that, you know, and going up to my dad and not knowing each time if he's alive or just, you know, resting.
00:57:19.280
He'd have friends come over, both of them fall asleep on the couch.
00:57:22.180
And I'm thinking we got a carbon monoxide leak in the house.
00:57:25.840
But the truth is, both of them are just in their late 70s.
00:57:28.820
And they just, we're having a conversation and one of them didn't talk for a little bit and both of them dozed off.
00:57:36.420
But TJ, man, you sound like you might need a spare lung, but let's hear more.
00:57:41.640
You know, my best advice would be maybe if he could go on one of these dating sites, you know, his online dating sites.
00:57:51.580
So, you know, whoever knows his situation right off the bat, because the worst thing you can do is get, you know, attached to a girl and get really serious with her, you know, and she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.
00:58:06.720
And then two down, you know, two years down the road and you're dead.
00:58:10.280
I hope that doesn't happen, you know what I'm saying?
00:58:12.240
But I think that would be the best thing, just explain your situation.
00:58:29.060
I've been a little fired up this episode, you know.
00:58:36.060
TJ brings up a good point because, look, Mickey, I'll tell you this, brother.
00:58:44.740
You know, so that's not like, you know, I don't want you to think that,
00:58:49.320
and look, man, I'm not trying to, I mean, I can't imagine, you know, what you're having to deal with, Mickey.
00:58:54.580
You know, here you are sharing something that's, I mean, that's the realest thing.
00:59:00.980
You know, somebody turns on the egg timer that, you know, turns an egg timer on inside of your body.
00:59:07.300
You know, and here you are sharing that with us and letting us talk about that and think about that, you know, and even joke about it.
00:59:14.940
And so I want to say thank you for letting us do that.
00:59:17.660
But the thing is also, I don't want you to think you're missing out on some magical universe where, you know, air-capable people,
00:59:27.300
you know, people that are fully air-capable are, you know, out here just dating and, you know, and everything's easy-peasy.
00:59:34.860
Part of the problem is things have changed now, and so we're all out here on these electronics.
00:59:39.280
We're all kind of becoming alien to each other.
00:59:42.620
You know, speaking of aliens, we're all kind of becoming alien to each other.
00:59:52.240
But, you know, I'll say this, man, a lot of women, and this might be a weird way to look at it, but women love a project.
01:00:04.860
Women love, you know, and women also, this is a dark way to put it, kind of a women love fucking death and murder and stuff.
01:00:15.300
Every woman I know has seen every episode of Dateline ever.
01:00:22.260
I mean, I secretly think that women want to get murdered.
01:00:25.980
And I don't mean that in like a, you know, a Me Too or any of that Time's Up.
01:00:32.160
But I think that women secretly have this fascination with, you know, getting almost murdered.
01:00:48.720
If I want to be mysterious, I got to fucking put on like a, you know, a dark bonnet or get a hammer or something.
01:00:57.660
But if you want to be mysterious, Mickey, you just roll up.
01:01:03.440
And your freaking lungs, I mean, you know, roll up with a picture of your lungs.
01:01:15.720
You know, couple of fucking bat wings left in your boy.
01:01:19.920
So why don't you and me, you know, why don't we see at least how deep my heart is?
01:01:31.120
You can make a pickup line that could be deeper than anything.
01:01:37.640
So I'm going to have to smell you with my heart.
01:01:42.880
You know, so I'm going to have to hold your scent in my heart.
01:01:51.860
You know, that's that lung that holds, you know, that holds, you know, the air that holds our most important air.
01:02:07.180
But, man, you know, you've just had me thinking all week, man.
01:02:10.760
You've had me thinking, and I appreciate it, Mickey.
01:02:14.320
And if you guys have somebody you think would be good to set up for Mickey, email me.
01:02:19.780
You know, and that's just T-H-E-O-V-O-N-K at M-A-C dot com.
01:02:33.740
Some chick that's just, you know, just got out the system or something.
01:02:40.040
You know, this ain't a fucking, you know, we ain't trying to, you know, bring somebody's clout up.
01:02:47.260
We ain't trying to greyhound some bitch out from Evansville.
01:02:51.120
We're talking about, let's find him a decent woman who may be interested in a man.
01:03:14.400
All right, guys, let's take this call right here.
01:03:21.700
I'm wondering if you can maybe help me out with a personal problem.
01:03:26.620
You know, just speaking from your life experience, have you ever been dating a, you know, a real fiery, spicy Latina, maybe a Caribbean girl, like a real exotic girl?
01:03:38.180
Maybe she's got like a like a pet parrot at home.
01:03:41.020
I'm just wondering, how do you deal with the bird when it's tackling you during sex?
01:03:46.080
All right, so I think that's obviously a, you know, joking around a coop, Cooper, sorry, calling about a bird.
01:04:00.220
And I'll say this, dude, a Latina, a spicy Latina or Caribbean woman, okay, probably different things, dude.
01:04:15.760
Let me tell you what happened to me one time down in the Caribbean or in Jamaica or somewhere.
01:04:28.260
There's a lady, she's like, welcome to the Starbucks lounge.
01:04:37.360
Somebody had stolen a Starbucks sign, put it up outside of a fucking smoothie center.
01:04:51.220
And there was about a block away, there was literally a knife fight right in front of me.
01:04:59.680
Watching dudes fight with knives, bro, it is damn.
01:05:02.780
I mean, it's, you know, it's that fucking killer capoeira right there.
01:05:09.720
And then one of them chased the other one down the street.
01:05:11.960
But I like to see you out there doing all of that, Mr. Coop.
01:05:14.760
And I, but I'll be, and also I made love to a girl in Denver years ago.
01:05:24.200
And a lot of parrot lits, I believe, are from South America.
01:05:28.200
And it would actually be on my shoulder once in a while we were making love.
01:05:48.860
And I want to let you guys know some dates that I'm going to be performing.
01:05:56.580
And that is this weekend at Harvey's Comedy Club.
01:06:00.640
And you can find that, tickets to that on theovon.com slash tour, T-O-U-R.
01:06:07.520
As well, next weekend I'll be in La Jolla at the Comedy Store.
01:06:11.640
After that, the 23rd and 24th of February I'll be in Fantasy Springs Casino.
01:06:18.000
And then the 15th and 16th I'll be in Tacoma there in Washington.
01:06:30.080
March 23rd and 20th through 25th I'll be in Oxnard, California at Levity Live.
01:06:54.820
And I'm going to be shooting with Thomas Ian Nicholson.
01:07:08.440
And you can check him out and you'll remember him from a lot of films.
01:07:12.320
He was in that movie where they have the pitcher that breaks his arm.
01:07:16.720
And then he throws the arm in from the outfield.
01:07:21.120
And he gets a job working for the Los Angeles Dodgers.
01:07:25.120
So I'm going to be shooting a movie with him called Bitcoin.
01:07:31.940
And I went to his film premiere the other night.
01:07:40.020
And we'll be shooting that in Albuquerque in May.
01:07:44.420
I'm excited about that opportunity to work with him.
01:07:53.920
He was also in American Pie and the American Pie series.
01:08:04.800
Now, with movies in Hollywood, you know, shit don't always come to fruition.
01:08:17.180
And this is a good – this call, I already know what it's about.
01:08:33.020
And I'm calling because I've got a little bit of dark arts on my mind.
01:08:42.060
And I've honestly masturbated outside of that city a couple times.
01:08:44.720
And I've actually – and I'll do an update real quick.
01:08:51.540
I've been struggling still with the adult masturbation.
01:08:56.640
And it's been – you know, I've been doing well.
01:09:06.300
And I just wanted to update and kind of come clean about that.
01:09:10.820
So, you know, but I appreciate you calling in here, James, with your dark arts issue.
01:09:19.360
I have a girlfriend who I've been dating for about three years now.
01:09:28.760
If you're in young love, sometimes it's almost – that's the love that's dangerous.
01:09:34.220
People get murdered at that age in love, you know.
01:09:39.480
I just see myself being with her the rest of my life.
01:09:52.320
You know, there's this thing on my mind where – you see, I lost my virginity to her.
01:09:57.820
I've never been sexually with another woman before.
01:10:06.480
And y'all – that's called a golden – I think it's called a golden Oreo.
01:10:10.240
When you've only had sex with one person and y'all are going to – and y'all are – and you guys are together.
01:10:15.360
You know, and you guys are going to – when you're married to somebody and you only had sex with one person, I'm pretty sure it's called a golden Oreo.
01:10:22.140
And the same is not – it's not the same for her.
01:10:27.520
She hooked up with several guys before she met me.
01:10:32.200
So, she's a little bit more of a nut or butter, you know?
01:10:39.320
And so, basically, you know, I don't know how I feel about potentially spending the rest of my life with this woman and, you know, not ever having sex with anybody else.
01:10:55.920
You know, that perfect 1-0 record is probably something a lot of guys wish they had.
01:10:59.940
But for me, it's just like, man, there's so much out there sexually, some of these sexual experiences that I feel like, man, I might be missing out on, you know?
01:11:25.780
It's a big call, James, and I appreciate you calling.
01:11:29.940
You know, that – I was in your position when I was young, man.
01:11:36.140
When I went off to college, I was dating a girl, and she – and I'd lost my virginity to her outside of a bowling alley, actually.
01:11:42.800
You know, and people were throwing rocks at us and all kinds of shit, and it was a different time back then, and it was more of a rural time.
01:11:51.120
But, you know, and I was jealous, and I couldn't get over the jealousy.
01:12:05.740
You can get out there and experience more dating, more sexualness.
01:12:18.740
If you love someone, that is hard to find again.
01:12:35.780
You can date somebody and make a relationship, but you can't always fall in love.
01:12:53.680
Now, I hope you're comparing things to pornography.
01:12:56.540
If you're doing that, you've got to hold that line, bucko.
01:12:59.800
Because the things that happen in pornography are not happening in regular people's sexual activity.
01:13:07.440
You see pornography and it's, you know, it's all that action.
01:13:13.920
And they got elbows and titties and, you know, people with, you know, freelance buttholes and all kinds of activity.
01:13:24.620
And, you know, somebody just had dinner and they had capers and they got a belch.
01:13:28.480
And it's fucking, you know, you had a Pepsi and there's dog shit in the corner of the room.
01:13:33.460
And, you know, there's a lot of other, there's the reality.
01:13:38.840
But, you know, what I think that, and I honestly do think that this is a question that other guys might have more experience with.
01:13:45.120
You know, if there's guys out there that have only ever, you know, been with their spouse.
01:13:49.280
If there's guys out there that, you know, were in love and had a love and left it.
01:13:59.380
You know, I mean, I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life when it comes to sex.
01:14:03.780
I have not had a healthy sexual relationship with myself.
01:14:08.960
I haven't carried myself with a ton of integrity.
01:14:10.860
You know, to go back to one of our callers earlier talking about integrity, what Jason was talking about.
01:14:21.160
So I'm going to put this one out to our callers and I'll chime in on this one next week.
01:14:28.360
You know, that is a real deal when you're out there.
01:14:31.280
And, you know, I had a girl that I was in love with in high school.
01:14:39.560
And I lost my virginity behind, you know, a bowling alley standing up.
01:14:43.300
And people were throwing rocks and all kinds of shit at us.
01:14:48.380
And, but I remember being jealous that the, that this woman had had more partners than I had.
01:15:05.280
So the jealousy, if you have jealousy, it's your thing.
01:15:08.100
Now, how do you handle that and deal with that at your age?
01:15:17.280
But I had no tools for solving any emotional or relationship problems.
01:15:35.420
And I would just kind of fiddle with my fingers.
01:15:37.660
And just be, you know, kind of loitering and be awkward and shit.
01:15:40.560
And I also hid outside of a girl's place one time and petted a cat out there in South Carolina.
01:15:51.220
But, but let's put that one out to the callers, man.
01:15:54.980
If you have some suggestions for James, 985-664-9503.
01:16:02.080
And I want to thank everybody that's been a part of the podcast that's been helping.
01:16:06.100
We got, we have, we do have exciting stuff happening for the next year.
01:16:11.000
And I'm just grateful to be here with you guys.
01:16:12.700
I'm going to go watch the end of the Super Bowl.
01:16:14.680
You know, I was going to watch and come back and talk to you guys again.
01:16:16.880
But, you know, I feel like we've had a good episode.
01:16:19.780
You know, you know, I feel like maybe, you know, and kind of coming full circle about aliens.
01:16:26.520
I feel like maybe we're, we're becoming aliens.
01:16:32.740
And I think that's why part of me wants to tell James just to stay in there and, and, and work it out with your lady.
01:16:39.900
You know, that's why part of me wants to say, you know, like, let's find, let's find a couple of options.
01:16:44.440
Or let's find a girl, at least a date for, for my boy, Mickey.
01:17:01.480
And it's not a fair, it's not fair for me to tell you that, James, really, because I haven't done that in my life.
01:17:08.180
But it doesn't mean always that because I haven't, it doesn't mean that I can't now.
01:17:16.700
I know it's tough for a lot of men out there, you know, to stay in love and to commit to love.
01:17:26.760
Because we're becoming, we are, we are becoming aliens and alien to the things that make us human.
01:17:39.740
And I feel that I'm not accusing anybody of it.
01:17:57.100
All right, man, I'll see you guys in Portland this week.
01:18:03.800
We'll follow up and put these calls out to James.
01:18:16.420
And if you don't, we'll start asking ourselves, how can I deserve more?
01:18:21.400
And how can I have a little bit more integrity?
01:19:24.440
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club,
01:19:28.240
a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,
01:19:32.280
stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
01:19:41.300
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
01:19:58.920
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
01:20:03.480
I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
01:20:07.980
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
01:20:14.780
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:20:18.940
Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.
01:20:23.180
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts,