This Past Weekend with Theo Von - 2-5-18 ｜ This Past Weekend #72

00:00:00.420 Bang, bang. 0.99

00:00:11.280 You know it.

00:00:13.740 It's that old familiar thing.

00:00:18.080 Mm-hmm.

00:00:20.560 It's that screen door on that front porch.

00:00:24.060 You know where you are, brother.

00:00:30.000 You know where you are, sister.

00:00:34.700 You're home.

00:00:36.880 Celebrate our days.

00:00:39.940 Oh, man.

00:00:40.920 Thank you guys for being here with me today.

00:00:42.500 Happy Monday morning to you.

00:00:45.400 And it is Monday.

00:00:47.060 And it is February 5 in the year 2018.

00:00:52.120 And we are here in outer space.

00:00:56.420 Can you believe that?

00:00:57.460 We're in outer space right now.

00:01:00.660 And everybody's always talking about, you know, meet me at the mall or, you know, GPS.

00:01:07.700 Dude.

00:01:09.000 We are in outer space.

00:01:12.300 We are astronauts.

00:01:13.820 You realize that?

00:01:16.400 We are astronauts right now.

00:01:19.900 So if you meet somebody and they seem like they might be a little bit foreign.

00:01:25.320 They might be an alien.

00:01:27.260 And I'm not talking about an illegal alien or illegal.

00:01:29.900 I'm not talking about anything like that.

00:01:31.080 I'm talking about if you meet somebody and they got this crazy look in their eyes.

00:01:37.720 And they seem like something wild is going on.

00:01:41.480 Like they're picking their nose.

00:01:43.260 But from the inside of their body without even using their fingers.

00:01:47.540 If they seem geeked up.

00:01:49.180 Like the universe is just, you know, just, just, just, just tickling a feather against the back of their brain stem.

00:01:58.780 Then maybe they're an alien.

00:02:01.040 I mean, it's not that far-fetched to think that there could be aliens amongst us.

00:02:07.280 Why?

00:02:08.040 Because we live in outer space, guys.

00:02:10.960 That's why.

00:02:13.700 And if you were an alien and you came here, would you tell everybody?

00:02:19.860 Would you tell everybody you're an alien?

00:02:22.000 Probably not.

00:02:24.720 You know?

00:02:25.840 You probably wouldn't.

00:02:26.900 That's the first you know right there.

00:02:28.120 I caught it.

00:02:29.060 You probably wouldn't tell anybody you're an alien.

00:02:31.980 Or at least in the past you wouldn't.

00:02:33.900 I think these days, now, now you might tell people, oh yeah, I am an alien.

00:02:38.860 Because now it's like, it's like the me generation.

00:02:42.940 You know, now you'd be at a party and you'd have, you know, a couple gin and tonics.

00:02:47.560 And next thing you know, you're over in the, you know, you're over in the corner. 1.00

00:02:51.140 Showing, you know, showing one of your neighbors your freaking tentacle dick or whatever. 1.00

00:02:56.540 You know, or showing your, you know, how your nipples can light up. 1.00

00:03:01.400 You know, you'd be so, there's, now, I think if we're going to know if there are aliens amongst us, 0.94

00:03:06.600 we will know it soon.

00:03:07.780 Because I don't think that people can keep secrets as well as they used to.

00:03:13.420 And maybe that's just me being, you know, a little bit outlandish.

00:03:17.080 But I believe that.

00:03:18.120 I don't think we can keep secrets as well as we used to.

00:03:21.840 There's not a lot of sacredity anymore.

00:03:24.440 You know, things aren't as sacred.

00:03:26.300 And I know secret doesn't then go to sacred.

00:03:28.660 I know that's not how it goes.

00:03:30.040 You know, I know that those two words aren't connected.

00:03:32.240 But in a way, they are.

00:03:36.400 You know, there's not a lot of secrets anymore.

00:03:38.100 Everything's out there.

00:03:40.220 You know, all the information, it's all out there.

00:03:43.860 You know, and they say knowledge is power.

00:03:45.860 And I think it is.

00:03:47.120 But I also think some of it's just, psh.

00:03:50.220 You can go on with them facts, Jack.

00:03:52.820 Why don't you put your facts back in a bag and go on back down this mountain?

00:03:57.520 Because we don't want all that around here.

00:04:00.220 And I'm not saying that I don't want to be informed.

00:04:02.800 But I just want to say at a certain point for me,

00:04:05.500 where information starts to beat down on my imagination,

00:04:10.320 you know, where I can't even, you know, where imagining isn't even as fun,

00:04:14.140 adios amigos.

00:04:16.040 Or adios migos, if you're listening to them rap boys.

00:04:19.100 Because that's where I'm at.

00:04:22.780 Super Bowl is on.

00:04:25.140 I ran into, I met Gerard Butler.

00:04:27.700 Got to talk to him the other night at the comedy store.

00:04:30.760 So, you know, sometimes things are planned.

00:04:33.460 Sometimes God have plans or a higher power have plans for you.

00:04:38.140 And that's what happened.

00:04:39.120 Because I know in the past, I'd planned on meeting Gerard Butler.

00:04:41.940 And then I didn't get to meet him.

00:04:44.060 And here he was, bam.

00:04:46.500 Him and his buddy.

00:04:47.880 His boy, Freddie.

00:04:49.100 And they popped out and said, what's up to you, boy?

00:04:51.940 And we chatted for a while and it was a good conversation.

00:04:54.720 We're going to talk about the Super Bowl.

00:04:56.340 Here's what I'm doing.

00:04:57.200 I just watched the first quarter.

00:04:59.020 And then I decided I'm going to start podcasting.

00:05:02.660 And for me, man, out the gate, this bowl wasn't as,

00:05:05.720 I wasn't feeling as into this Super Bowl.

00:05:08.420 I don't know if anybody else felt that way.

00:05:09.940 It didn't feel, it didn't feel like the Super Bowl to me.

00:05:15.560 You know, I'm sitting there and I'm like, man, this is a Super Bowl?

00:05:19.840 This is, it just didn't feel super.

00:05:23.080 It felt like a regular bowl.

00:05:24.600 And that's kind of the vibe that I got.

00:05:26.980 It felt like a regular bowl to me.

00:05:29.080 I was like, oh, is this, it felt like a regular game.

00:05:31.960 And I don't know, first I wondered, well, maybe we're so used to things happening so fast now

00:05:40.420 that the two-week delay between the championship, NFC and AFC championship,

00:05:46.940 and the actual Super Bowl, that that's gotten to the point where it's too long.

00:05:51.860 That was one of my first thoughts, like, you know, because there comes a time,

00:05:55.840 like, there's a lot, there's a point where everything jumps the shark.

00:05:59.320 Like, you know, like those Beats by Dre headphones.

00:06:02.680 Remember those three years ago with the wide headphones?

00:06:05.820 They're similar to the one, they're similar to the ones that I have on in the YouTube.

00:06:12.320 They're similar to the ones that I have on in the YouTube, if you can see the YouTube.

00:06:15.520 You know, these Beats by Dre.

00:06:17.360 But they were the big headphones, right?

00:06:19.900 They were the coolest thing.

00:06:21.400 And then about three or four months ago, I looked at somebody with them on,

00:06:25.500 and I was like, those are done.

00:06:27.360 Those are over.

00:06:29.320 You start seeing things like that, like, those are, that's not a thing anymore.

00:06:33.520 Those are over.

00:06:35.020 And that's just part of how culture is.

00:06:37.580 It evolves, you know.

00:06:39.060 And suddenly, something's over.

00:06:41.560 And I just felt like that.

00:06:42.960 Like, maybe that's the thing.

00:06:43.960 Like, maybe this two weeks is just too long.

00:06:46.980 You got too many other things that can happen.

00:06:49.760 And our attention spans have gotten so short that two weeks is just not.

00:06:53.640 Now, also, I could have still been butthurt because my Saints, my New Orleans Saints, gave up one of the greatest plays in American history and probably in world history to the Minnesota Vikings.

00:07:06.500 And that's what happened.

00:07:07.460 But I stopped it at the first quarter, and I decided to come and podcast.

00:07:10.880 So, I got to change the batteries in my headphones right now.

00:07:16.020 But we got a good cast, man.

00:07:17.300 We had, you know, we had that gentleman called in last week, Mickey.

00:07:20.700 On Thursday's episode, we had sweet Mickey called in, and he's terminally ill.

00:07:25.920 You know, he got, he have two bad lungs in his body.

00:07:29.160 And the Lord or the devil or somebody gave him some bad lungs.

00:07:32.860 And that's not up to us.

00:07:34.680 We don't, we didn't do it.

00:07:37.040 But he's got them, you know.

00:07:39.840 He's got them.

00:07:40.580 And so, we had a lot of callers call in and have suggestions for him.

00:07:44.720 And so, we're going to get into some of that in a little bit.

00:07:46.700 Not yet.

00:07:48.080 Not yet, man.

00:07:48.840 I want to tell you guys about meeting Sweet Gerard.

00:07:52.280 So, I met Sweet Gerard Butler.

00:07:54.400 And, man, I'll say this, you know.

00:07:56.240 I'm a heterosexual adult.

00:07:57.520 You know, and I would say if you chop me open and divide it up, and divide me up into a hundred pieces,

00:08:07.220 I would say probably 97 of those pieces would be heterosexual.

00:08:13.240 And 3% of those pieces might be getting wild, you know, being naughty.

00:08:17.420 You know what I'm saying?

00:08:18.380 Peeking around the roller rink.

00:08:20.800 Seeing who might have a little bit of bulge in their forefront in their trousers.

00:08:24.760 But that doesn't mean I would try anything wild.

00:08:29.320 That just means I might have that double vision.

00:08:32.920 That doesn't mean I want to do anything sexual.

00:08:34.800 It just might see, it might be that I see a man's tricep, you know, in a distance. 0.67

00:08:39.500 And say, dang.

00:08:41.360 Oh, he armed up.

00:08:43.440 You know?

00:08:44.660 You know what I'm saying?

00:08:45.300 He armed up.

00:08:46.460 And so that's just all it is, you know.

00:08:50.660 He could get out of a pool easy without using the ladder.

00:08:53.220 You know what I'm saying?

00:08:53.860 Because that boy tried up.

00:08:55.900 He got them T-seps.

00:08:57.860 Them triceraceps. 1.00

00:08:58.460 And he out the pool like that without even using the ladder. 1.00

00:09:04.720 Just like a damn seal. 1.00

00:09:06.820 You know, just like a damn, just like an otter that's trying to get risque and get out of the pool. 1.00

00:09:11.260 And take his chances sipping on air. 0.99

00:09:15.020 You know, and I don't even know if otters just, if they sip on water or not, or breathe water.

00:09:18.500 Some animals breathe water.

00:09:20.140 Breathe, breathe water.

00:09:21.660 But anyhow, but I'm just saying, so that's where I'm at inside of myself, you know.

00:09:26.640 Now, who knows?

00:09:27.900 You know, when I get older, 70, 80, I might be out there.

00:09:31.840 You know what I'm saying?

00:09:32.680 I might be out there gumming down on some straight up street wiener or whatever.

00:09:37.660 Or local.

00:09:38.440 It doesn't matter.

00:09:39.640 What I'm saying is it doesn't matter.

00:09:41.380 Okay?

00:09:42.460 But I'm saying I saw Gerard Butler and the man have beautiful eyes.

00:09:46.820 Okay?

00:09:47.460 He has, first of all, he could have one eye and be, and you wouldn't even notice.

00:09:53.640 That's how handsome the dude is. 0.99

00:09:55.860 He could have, because every time you see a one-eyed dude, you're like, damn. 0.99

00:10:01.340 You know? 0.98

00:10:02.500 You try to pretend like they don't have one eye, but they have one eye.

00:10:07.380 And it's hard.

00:10:08.240 You're like, do I look?

00:10:09.960 Like, because it's not the normal.

00:10:11.980 Usually when you look into somebody's eyes, your eyes kind of zoom in with theirs and y'all are eyed up.

00:10:15.800 Eye to eye, they call it.

00:10:17.000 It's an old saying.

00:10:17.680 But now, when you catch somebody and they got that patch and they patched up, your eyes don't know what to do.

00:10:26.060 And then your eyes start getting all crazy.

00:10:28.900 And you're like, do I look at there?

00:10:30.300 Do I look there?

00:10:31.060 Do I look there?

00:10:31.780 Do I look there?

00:10:32.860 It's kind of like no whammies. 1.00

00:10:34.100 No whammies.

00:10:35.940 And it's, but Gerard Butler, I'm just saying this.

00:10:38.620 The man have two beautiful eyes.

00:10:41.920 Beautiful eyes, dude.

00:10:44.100 And you're thinking, yeah, whatever.

00:10:45.700 I've seen blue eyes.

00:10:47.100 Dude, his eyes, I'm telling you this, man.

00:10:49.320 I'm telling you this.

00:10:50.520 From a straight man, for the most part, until I'm 70 or 80, when I might get out there and meet a man.

00:10:57.120 But you don't, but I don't know that.

00:10:58.620 And you don't know that.

00:11:00.360 And it's okay if I do or if you do.

00:11:03.000 If you get out there and meet a man when you're older.

00:11:05.380 After you've already had a wife and had a family.

00:11:08.160 You know what I'm saying?

00:11:08.540 You've done your due diligence.

00:11:10.640 You've done your job as a father and as a husband.

00:11:14.120 And if you get out and about, you know, and you're out there skeeting out with some, you know,

00:11:18.860 a fellow at the senior center or whatever.

00:11:21.940 That's whatever you want.

00:11:24.400 But what I'm saying is this.

00:11:26.700 That Gerard Butler, he could have an eye patch on you wouldn't even notice.

00:11:32.220 That's how handsome the dude is, right?

00:11:34.560 He probably is.

00:11:36.740 The dude is 100% handsome.

00:11:39.040 100% handsome.

00:11:41.320 And he was cool as could be, man.

00:11:43.300 He came out.

00:11:43.880 His buddy came out.

00:11:44.720 We started chatting.

00:11:45.940 We swapped information.

00:11:47.180 He said he was a fan.

00:11:47.880 He'd seen me about six weeks ago or whatever.

00:11:50.260 Right before I was on the Fighter and the Kid podcast, I went in.

00:11:53.240 And that's when I saw Gerard Butler at the comedy store.

00:11:56.420 And they were like, Gerard Butler's in the back of the room.

00:11:59.140 And I was a little bit nervous.

00:12:00.160 But then I just, you know what I'm saying?

00:12:01.740 I let out.

00:12:03.140 Because on stage, I'm trying not to be about my nerves anymore.

00:12:06.560 It's time to shine.

00:12:08.260 You know?

00:12:09.080 It's time to shine.

00:12:11.820 But then he came out, man.

00:12:12.900 We chatted on the front porch for a while.

00:12:14.380 It was cool.

00:12:15.980 And then it was Pauly Shore's birthday last week.

00:12:19.200 It was the same night.

00:12:20.680 And Pauly Shore, man, he turned 50.

00:12:22.880 You know, beautiful man, Pauly Shore.

00:12:25.000 And they had a lot of deviant, just they had a lot of wild human animals out at this party. 0.95

00:12:30.960 And they had a lot of porn stars and, you know, people with them fancy crotches 1.00

00:12:35.740 and, you know, vulvas that can juggle and all of that. 1.00

00:12:39.740 They had all them girls out there with them juggling vulvas and all of that. 1.00

00:12:43.080 And everybody was out there.

00:12:44.860 And that was at the comedy store and they had a band.

00:12:47.760 And some girls on stage singing horrible karaoke.

00:12:50.820 This girl was so bad. 1.00

00:12:53.020 And people were like, oh my God, what's this girl doing up there? 0.99

00:12:57.300 And then I heard some other girls say, oh, it's probably just some gal that blew Pauly for some stage time. 1.00

00:13:02.780 And that made me laugh because the truth is it probably was.

00:13:08.160 And it was a great time, man.

00:13:09.720 And it was nice to see.

00:13:10.720 I mean, Pauly Shore grew up in the comedy store.

00:13:13.520 Can you imagine?

00:13:14.420 Dude, if I'm there for three or four hours, man, you could get anything you want at the comedy store.

00:13:22.240 You could get joy.

00:13:23.700 You could get pain.

00:13:24.900 You could start a family.

00:13:27.300 You could buy, you know what I'm saying?

00:13:28.620 You could gram up if you need a couple grams of this or that.

00:13:31.500 And I'm not naming chemicals.

00:13:33.180 So if you're thinking of something, then you can think about what you want.

00:13:36.880 But it's that kind of place, you know.

00:13:38.960 It's that forbidden kitten.

00:13:40.720 And you go there and you put both your hands out and you pet that poise.

00:13:44.620 You feel me?

00:13:45.780 Because that's the kind of place it is.

00:13:47.500 It's that forbidden kitten.

00:13:50.180 And whatever your forbidden kitten is, you can get out there at the comedy store and you can catch that cat.

00:13:56.520 Because that's the kind of place it is.

00:13:58.120 But good to be here, man.

00:14:00.260 I made myself some coffee.

00:14:03.320 Dude, I went to the, you know, right by my place over here.

00:14:06.580 I live in Los Angeles.

00:14:07.900 And right by my place over here in Los Angeles, they have a graveyard where Marilyn Monroe is buried.

00:14:13.380 And now, Hugh Hefner is finally in the wall next to her.

00:14:17.400 And that had been like, I think he bought her a grave site a long time ago or something.

00:14:21.800 And they plan to be buried right next to each other.

00:14:24.640 And I've been there a bunch, you know, probably about 10 times over my existence here in Los Angeles.

00:14:29.040 And finally, I get over there and both of them are, they were both, you know, shelved in the wall.

00:14:33.440 It's that mausoleum style.

00:14:34.580 And both of them are shelved up in the wall.

00:14:37.600 And it's pretty cool.

00:14:39.640 Yeah, I wonder if in the future, like whenever they have graves, like if you go to a cemetery, if they'll just have like a thing where you rub your phone over it and it shows you who it is.

00:14:48.040 And a video maybe even that they get to leave.

00:14:50.780 That'd be wild, huh?

00:14:51.660 I think about that kind of stuff sometimes, you know, about the future or, you know, I used to think a lot about, I used to have a lot of visions and stuff about things that could happen.

00:15:02.220 Like when I was young, I used to think that at one point they would have a disc or something you would put in your car.

00:15:12.000 But the band, they would have a hologram of the actual artist, whatever musician it was, and the artist would perform on your dashboard.

00:15:20.140 So while you were driving, they would have these holograms performing, you know, it could be anybody.

00:15:26.060 It could be them, you know, Criss Cross.

00:15:28.800 It could be, you know, Gerald Levert, Hall & Oates, Lyle Lovett.

00:15:34.140 It could be anything.

00:15:35.040 Sting, Steven Seagal.

00:15:37.380 It could be anybody performing on your dashboard.

00:15:39.780 And I used to have ideas of that and visions of that.

00:15:42.080 But yeah, man, I met Gerard Butler.

00:15:43.380 He was beautiful.

00:15:45.040 And he was cool, man, you know.

00:15:47.240 And I'm not saying I'm trying to wind up on Gerard.

00:15:50.680 I'm not trying to be like that.

00:15:52.180 And they call him Jerry.

00:15:53.440 One of his buddies called him Jerry. 0.99

00:15:55.480 I'm like, damn, bro, that's Jerry. 1.00

00:15:58.340 That's fucking two-eyed Jerry right there. 0.99

00:16:02.580 I mean, and this guy had portals to the nether sphere. 0.99

00:16:05.440 He could be an alien.

00:16:07.100 Gerard Butler could be an alien.

00:16:08.240 You know, and it's like, are there aliens out there?

00:16:14.280 A lot of questions already in the air, guys.

00:16:16.460 Are there aliens out there?

00:16:19.900 You know?

00:16:21.240 Do Gerard Butler need two eyes?

00:16:25.240 Dude, I'm just telling you, man, I'm not trying to be wild.

00:16:29.200 You know, when I was growing up, I had a friend that he had nice blue eyes and I always was jealous.

00:16:33.180 Because, look, let's be honest.

00:16:34.400 Blue-eyed people are doing well. 1.00

00:16:36.240 You don't see a fucking homeless dude with blue eyes. 1.00

00:16:41.620 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:16:42.020 You don't see some out there, dude out there, you know, jaying out behind the shoneys, you know? 0.98

00:16:48.000 Some guy self-skeating in a van out there by himself out there.

00:16:51.720 Outside of a widespread panic concert.

00:16:54.440 You know, all hopped up on ecstasy or something. 1.00

00:16:56.700 Fucking a damn grilled cheese sandwich in a van. 1.00

00:17:00.200 One of those vans with a ladder on it. 1.00

00:17:02.100 Where's the ladder go? 0.99

00:17:03.760 What the fuck? 1.00

00:17:04.680 Talk about hooking a ridiculous accoutrement to something. 1.00

00:17:08.440 Hey, here's a van. 0.95

00:17:10.260 How can we make it look cooler? 0.99

00:17:11.900 Let's put a fucking ladder on the side of it. 1.00

00:17:15.360 Guess what? 1.00

00:17:16.060 You go up the ladder, you're on top of a van, you idiot. 1.00

00:17:18.780 Why don't we hook a water purifier on the side? 1.00

00:17:27.540 That's cool.

00:17:28.440 You know what I'm saying?

00:17:29.060 Why don't we put a paper towel machine on the side?

00:17:32.140 Right?

00:17:33.040 In case you're having one of those crazy days where you got wet hands and you're standing outside of a van. 0.99

00:17:37.680 You know, some of the shit they put on there, we don't need all of this. 0.99

00:17:43.400 Let's put a soap dispenser on the side of the van. 1.00

00:17:45.740 Actually, that's kind of cool.

00:17:47.120 Because if you're milling around a van a little bit too much, dude, you can, you know what I'm saying?

00:17:51.480 You wouldn't be surprised if you came in a little bit dirty.

00:17:53.200 We tried something a little different this week, man.

00:17:58.120 I decided to not have, you know, usually I got Shy Chris Perez, and that's the, you know, my Latino sidekick who's here affiliating and helping out. 0.74

00:18:07.780 And I got Corey Kaz, who does the editing.

00:18:11.220 And I got Bud Galloway, who came to fix the studio up this week and make it bigger, which he did.

00:18:15.900 Also, he didn't clean up anything and he hid all the cables. 0.99

00:18:19.000 So, basically it took me fucking two hours to set this shit up. 0.99

00:18:23.200 Um, but, what am I going to do? 0.99

00:18:26.900 Try and be grateful.

00:18:27.960 That's it.

00:18:28.900 Be happy that at least anybody wants to come and help out and be a part of things.

00:18:33.000 That's it.

00:18:34.480 That's it.

00:18:36.160 That's it.

00:18:37.800 You know, because I'm not going to be an alien to myself.

00:18:40.240 I'm not going to be an alien in my own life.

00:18:43.120 You know, when I start getting, just holding too much regret or too much judgment,

00:18:47.160 ah, that's when I feel my inner alien key up.

00:18:50.560 You know?

00:18:50.920 And that's when I want to climb up that van ladder.

00:18:55.000 Maybe there is a good point. 1.00

00:18:56.240 You know, when you're just standing outside of a van and you're just, you're like, fuck, man. 0.99

00:19:01.020 I can't take it just, you know, being outside of this van anymore. 1.00

00:19:05.800 I'll see you motherfuckers later. 1.00

00:19:07.640 And then it's just like, and you're just on top of the van. 1.00

00:19:16.960 Whatever, man.

00:19:18.000 That's what's been going on.

00:19:19.060 But I met Gerard Butler, beautiful two-eyed, two-eyed, two-eyed Jerry.

00:19:22.680 They called him two-eyed Jerry.

00:19:24.000 They had a train hit another train in Amtrak.

00:19:28.280 And I'll say this, man.

00:19:33.140 That's the risk you take on the track, baby.

00:19:35.800 And I hate to say that, you know, but that's the risk you take on the track.

00:19:40.240 And I've been on Amtrak, man.

00:19:42.040 And they had a dude on there.

00:19:43.280 One time I remember could, something was in his eye socket.

00:19:47.300 He could take a, he could put a cigarette, a lit cigarette, you know, in that, in between his eye and that eye meat that's right under your eye.

00:19:56.180 And he could inhale it that way.

00:19:59.880 And that was wild.

00:20:00.900 And we would watch him do that at night.

00:20:02.400 Me and my brother, we used to take that train from Hammond, Louisiana, all the way up to Chicago, Champaign-Urbana.

00:20:10.240 And my grandfather would pick us up up there.

00:20:12.440 And then he would drive us over to my grandparents' house where we would spend some time.

00:20:18.420 And then my grandparents didn't want me to come anymore and they just wanted my brother to come.

00:20:23.780 And so, but that's life.

00:20:27.720 You know, sometimes your grandparents don't want you.

00:20:31.260 You know, what are we going to do, bro?

00:20:32.840 We're going to move onward.

00:20:33.660 That's it.

00:20:35.880 But that game is rocking right now.

00:20:38.640 That game is rocking.

00:20:39.960 So I think here's what I'm thinking about doing.

00:20:41.500 And I think I'm going to check in with the game real quick.

00:20:43.000 You're not going to notice because I'm going to be right back.

00:20:44.940 And I'm going to watch a little bit more.

00:20:47.140 Now, when I folded out of the game, it was 9 to 3.

00:20:51.680 Somebody had missed an extra point and that was Philadelphia.

00:20:55.280 And Philadelphia is that city of brotherly love, you know.

00:20:57.460 And it's very much like New Orleans.

00:20:58.880 They got that vibe.

00:21:00.720 You know, they got that African-American culture.

00:21:03.220 They got that black vibe. 0.75

00:21:05.100 They got that, you know, real things are happening.

00:21:08.680 People's out on the streets living life.

00:21:10.400 You know, they got some good food.

00:21:12.460 They got some gunplay. 0.55

00:21:14.440 You know, you got a lot of whites hiding in the distance.

00:21:17.680 You know, it's similar, similar, similar city work.

00:21:20.140 Now, it doesn't have, Philadelphia is more like that.

00:21:23.360 You know, they got that historical kind of aspect.

00:21:25.620 I think Thomas Jefferson up there.

00:21:27.880 Who else from Philadelphia? 0.99

00:21:29.560 Probably, damn. 0.99

00:21:30.340 Who else would be from Philadelphia? 1.00

00:21:31.520 Uh, fuck, I don't know, man. 1.00

00:21:35.720 Somebody else. 1.00

00:21:37.080 Other people, you know.

00:21:38.420 But it's a wild city and I know they're excited.

00:21:40.460 Dude, I went to this party one time in Philadelphia at night.

00:21:44.760 And it was a bar, but it was like in a house.

00:21:46.780 It was pretty bizarre.

00:21:48.300 And they would stop the music, not joking, between every song and do the Eagles fight song.

00:21:54.200 Whatever it was. 1.00

00:21:54.880 And, Lord knows, if somebody did see an eagle up there in Philadelphia, they'd shoot that bitch down and eat it. 1.00

00:22:01.760 I mean, and that's, I mean, you know, I'm amazed that that's still their mascot. 0.99

00:22:07.680 You know, I'm surprised it's not the TV dinner.

00:22:09.840 You know what I'm saying?

00:22:11.220 But they said up in Philly, man, they had these dudes, like, trying to get me to hook up with one of their friends.

00:22:19.340 You know, this girl.

00:22:20.220 And they're like, yeah, man, take home, whatever, I don't know what her name was, Sheila or something, or Shayla. 0.99

00:22:27.180 Take home Shayla, you know, she's a real slam pig. 1.00

00:22:31.460 And that, I guess, meant somebody who was sexually active. 1.00

00:22:34.220 Somebody that's a slam pig. 1.00

00:22:35.420 And I never thought about, I never even heard of that. 0.99

00:22:39.180 You know, somebody being a slam pig and somebody being sexually active like that. 0.98

00:22:43.880 But here's what I'm going to do. 0.98

00:22:44.740 I'm going to check in on that game.

00:22:45.980 You're not going to notice.

00:22:46.640 I'm going to be right back in just a second, and I'll be able to update on how I felt so far in the game.

00:22:51.660 But so far, here's what I felt.

00:22:52.700 I felt like it didn't feel like the Super Bowl to me.

00:22:54.620 This is after the first quarter.

00:22:57.560 I'm excited to see Tom Brady out there.

00:22:59.400 That feels exciting.

00:23:00.540 I thought that long shot that Philadelphia took into the end zone, out the gate, that was exciting because, you know, you see some of these young quarterbacks,

00:23:08.060 even though Foles isn't brand new, but you see these guys get in there and they get nervous.

00:23:12.040 You know, and you see Tom Brady out there, and they just had a video of him kissing his son, you know, which I think is fine.

00:23:19.360 I think you don't see enough of that.

00:23:20.760 I mean, it might have been a little wild because Tom was laying down.

00:23:23.240 That's the part that made it wild. 0.99

00:23:26.040 You know, but I think if you want to kiss your son a little bit, that shit was a little bit Roman, really. 1.00

00:23:31.560 That shit got a little bit ancient Rome on me. 1.00

00:23:33.620 You know, it had that Targaryen. 1.00

00:23:37.060 They was looking a little Targaryen there suddenly when, you know, his son leaned down and kissed him.

00:23:43.760 And it looked a little bit like the father was in a, like Tom Brady had died.

00:23:46.580 There was a lot of things going on there for me when I saw that video.

00:23:49.180 And if you haven't seen that video, it's Tom Brady kisses his son.

00:23:53.680 His son comes over and kisses him, and he said, it's not enough.

00:23:56.280 He said, that's not enough.

00:23:57.180 I want that championship kiss. 0.99

00:23:59.780 And look, dude, if my dad, I'll be honest with you, my father never won shit, dude. 0.98

00:24:04.620 And actually, he borrowed, I remember, about 70 bucks off of me when he died, right before he died. 0.98

00:24:09.240 And when you, 70 bucks off of a damn 16-year-old or 14-year-old or whatever, that's, I mean, hell, that was probably 70% of my retirement.

00:24:18.460 You know, and he, and he borrowed that money off of me. 0.98

00:24:22.600 And, and look, I'm just saying if my, like, I'm just saying this.

00:24:28.020 If Tom Brady's my dad, dude, I would kiss him.

00:24:32.400 Man, I would have kissed that dude, bro. 1.00

00:24:33.860 I might even kiss him on the neck a little bit, you know, and not even sexually, just like, fuck, this is my dad, you know. 0.99

00:24:43.100 Just like Russell, it's like, you know, when you got them hitters out there, there's something different about them. 0.99

00:24:49.180 I mean, that's like Russell Crowe. 0.99

00:24:50.140 If I were him, I'd wear sunglasses because somebody would steal one of that dude's fucking eyeballs. 0.99

00:24:54.920 Like, that's the thing. 0.99

00:24:56.840 If I ran up on Russell Crowe, man, and I had a piece on me or something, you know, man, I ain't taking a damn.

00:25:03.420 I ain't taking his wallet. 0.98

00:25:06.280 I'd fucking pull that piece out, put it up by his dome and say, give me that eyeball. 0.98

00:25:10.820 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:25:12.100 Fucking spit that bitch into a cup, Jerry, you know. 1.00

00:25:17.860 What did I call him, Russell Crowe? 1.00

00:25:19.260 I meant Jerry Butler, man, Gerard.

00:25:20.780 Spit that, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:25:23.420 I don't know if your eye socket can spit something out, but spit that eyeball into a cup, Jerry, because I'm auctioning this bitch off the internet. 1.00

00:25:32.400 And then fast forward years later, I'm on a train on an Amtrak, and I see a guy in the corner smoking a cigarette out of his eye socket, empty eye socket, and it's Gerard Butler. 0.97

00:25:41.960 Showing out, showing his new skills.

00:25:44.180 Because when you're a man like that, I don't think you fade fast.

00:25:46.600 I think some heroes have hero built into them.

00:25:51.260 You know, and that reminds me, I saw John Mayer the other night at the Comedy Store.

00:25:54.380 And I know I'm name dropping in this episode, but it's just crazy.

00:25:57.860 I got into a conversation with him.

00:25:59.660 We talked for about eight minutes.

00:26:02.360 And I'm not bragging. 0.98

00:26:04.300 I'm not fucking whatever. 0.99

00:26:06.960 You know, John Mayer's a wildcat. 0.98

00:26:09.420 I mean, I'm envious of probably some parts of his life.

00:26:12.140 I'm certainly envious of his brain.

00:26:16.900 I'm envious of his music style.

00:26:18.540 Probably most of his life.

00:26:19.900 Dude is also tall.

00:26:22.180 You know?

00:26:24.260 But I have a funny story about John Mayer.

00:26:27.640 So this was about, let me see, 12 years ago I was working as a tour manager.

00:26:34.380 And that's basically where you just, you carry the guitar and drive around a musician.

00:26:41.060 And it just so happened that the musician was a friend of mine.

00:26:43.920 This actually might have been about 14 years ago.

00:26:46.080 And the musician was a friend of mine.

00:26:47.480 His name was Josh Kelly.

00:26:49.640 And so next thing you know, you know, I'm driving Josh all around the country.

00:26:55.860 And he hired me as his tour manager because I was his friend.

00:26:58.940 And we had a great mutual friend.

00:27:01.140 Anyway, so next time, on that tour we met John Mayer.

00:27:05.920 Because John's music was coming out the same time as Josh's was.

00:27:09.020 They were just both breaking as artists.

00:27:12.280 And then we met John Mayer.

00:27:14.840 And a lot of my friends, I was at a party.

00:27:16.960 And that's where I met John Mayer at.

00:27:18.520 And I hadn't, I had been listening to John Mayer's music because I was listening to all these breaking artists at the time.

00:27:24.740 So I see him at this party.

00:27:26.040 I know who he is.

00:27:26.880 A lot of my friends who were at the party did not know.

00:27:29.600 He wasn't, you know, he wasn't the John Mayer that people know about now.

00:27:32.200 You know, he's popular.

00:27:34.020 And so I was like, and I met him there.

00:27:38.780 Anyway, fast forward 11, 12 years.

00:27:42.060 I'm at the comedy store one night.

00:27:43.980 And John Mayer and Jeff Ross are friends.

00:27:47.500 And he comes walking around the corner.

00:27:50.580 And I just like bump kind of chest to chest with him.

00:27:53.020 And I was like, hey, John, I was like, I met you.

00:27:57.080 And before I could finish, he goes, I met you on Lafayette Street.

00:28:01.740 He said, yeah.

00:28:03.220 And that's where I'd met him at.

00:28:04.460 I'd met him about 12 years earlier on Lafayette Street.

00:28:06.700 And here he just remembered it.

00:28:09.280 You know, he got that wild brain.

00:28:11.660 Some people have that.

00:28:12.760 They got that hero circuit board.

00:28:14.580 He could be an alien.

00:28:16.660 Now, I wouldn't put it past John Mayer to be an alien.

00:28:19.880 And I don't mean that in like a negative alien or something.

00:28:23.520 You know, I just mean that as a basic regular alien.

00:28:26.580 Because he, I mean, the man has a lot of skills.

00:28:30.840 You know, I've seen him do stand-up comedy.

00:28:32.160 He's pretty, you know, he does a good job with that.

00:28:35.460 But he just has that brain, you know.

00:28:37.880 He has that, he's got that, you know, he's got that brain that's on that next level.

00:28:42.920 You know, he's like, we're all using a push mower and he's running on a weed whacker.

00:28:47.220 He's just got one of those wild brains.

00:28:49.280 And I think if there were aliens amongst us, that's probably what they would have.

00:28:53.380 You know, because that would be, that would go under the radar.

00:28:57.000 You know, if you see something out in the distance, you know, with forearms or, I mean, we already shoot things with antlers. 0.98

00:29:03.120 So even if something shows up with an antler, it's fucking cluck, you know. 0.99

00:29:07.720 It's taking a fucking couple slugs to the dome, you know what I'm saying. 0.99

00:29:10.660 All of a sudden, for every, you know, buck or wildebeest out there, it's, you know. 0.99

00:29:16.940 Every night is Detroit.

00:29:18.720 Every night is Detroit.

00:29:20.460 Or every night is Chicago or New Orleans for them, for those animals.

00:29:23.940 Because they could get popped popped all the time.

00:29:27.840 But anyhow, he has that brain.

00:29:31.260 He just remembered, you know.

00:29:32.280 And then we talked the other night for a little bit and it was, we just talked about like dating and relationships and that kind of thing.

00:29:38.700 But anyhow, just a crazy week, man.

00:29:41.000 That's just, you know.

00:29:41.960 And that was this weekend.

00:29:42.980 That was Thursday and Friday night.

00:29:47.420 And that was this weekend.

00:29:48.780 But I'm going to check in on the game.

00:29:49.820 I'll be back in a second.

00:29:50.620 You won't notice.

00:29:51.760 And I'm back.

00:29:54.140 Wow.

00:29:54.840 So, that was that halftime show.

00:29:56.900 That's what I saw up until.

00:29:58.700 And some good offense out there, man.

00:30:01.540 The game's looking pretty tight.

00:30:04.480 You know, Philadelphia just looks fearless out there.

00:30:07.500 Like, they don't look like there's a lot of intimidation.

00:30:09.980 You know, that these are the Patriots.

00:30:11.480 You can see the Patriots age a little bit showing.

00:30:16.520 I mean, Brady still is.

00:30:17.920 I mean, the guy is 6'7", you know.

00:30:21.020 So, he's throwing from, you know, it's like throwing from the second floor of a building.

00:30:25.740 So, he had that, you know, that ability.

00:30:27.600 Even when he's throwing downfield, it's like he's throwing downhill all day.

00:30:33.460 You know, he can throw a 30-yard pass and it's downhill.

00:30:36.460 You know, he just has that, you know, he's got that ability. 0.97

00:30:40.240 You know, and that's what happened when you suck a, when you get that little lip lock from your son, you get that extra ability, I bet. 0.98

00:30:45.820 He got that son love in him. 0.99

00:30:47.840 He's got that vibe, you know.

00:30:50.380 And, and I saw the halftime show and it was good, man.

00:30:56.120 I thought it was good.

00:30:57.040 I thought, I thought that, that Timberlake just really, you know, he's like the closest thing we got to a black guy, I think, as white people.

00:31:07.680 You know, I used to think it was Michael Rappaport, but he's, it's not him.

00:31:13.680 It's, I think Timberlake's the closest, you know, when I was young, it was Rappaport was kind of that guy.

00:31:19.100 You remember he was in a lot of, you know, he always played the, the, the black white guy or the white guy in the black, in a lot of black shows.

00:31:28.600 Uh, but Timberlake's, you know, he's the closest thing that we got.

00:31:32.220 I think he's the closest thing that we got.

00:31:33.780 I thought he did a great job of just entertaining and I thought he heated up as it went on.

00:31:38.020 You know, we started off, he seemed a little bit, he looked, you know, you know, he seemed however old he was. 0.86

00:31:43.340 And by the time he got to the end, I'm like, damn, this boy, he might be about 14 now.

00:31:47.580 You know, he, dude, if he keeps, if he performs for another five minutes, he's going to end up back on the Mickey Mouse Club. 0.91

00:31:53.000 You know, because he was just, he was running on a lot of, uh, of good cylinders there.

00:31:58.460 So, that's it, man.

00:32:01.080 That's all I got, really, about that.

00:32:02.940 You know, the game's still going on.

00:32:04.860 Hold on.

00:32:07.240 A little bit of our intro music popping in.

00:32:09.320 The game's still going on and I'll, I'll check back in a little bit.

00:32:12.640 Uh, but Philadelphia was up by, I think, eight or ten.

00:32:16.140 Um, yeah, so let's get back into it, man.

00:32:18.800 We're going to crack into some of these calls in just a minute.

00:32:20.660 But I wanted to give you guys a state of the podcast address.

00:32:24.260 And that's just basically kind of like what's going on with the podcast, where we're at, and, uh, and what's cracking.

00:32:31.040 Um, overall, things are going really good, you know.

00:32:34.340 I want to say that, 100%.

00:32:36.500 Um, you know, the listenership is up.

00:32:39.300 We're getting, you know, we're up to, like, a decent number.

00:32:43.280 Uh, we'd love to get to try, uh, uh, try to get to, you know, more subscribers on YouTube.

00:32:48.440 Um, but I wanted to talk to you about some of the stuff that's kind of going on and some of the stuff that's going to be happening, you know.

00:32:54.540 And really, it's, it's, it's just trying to get back to the simplicity of, of when the show started.

00:32:59.260 And that's something I wanted to do this week was just kind of, you know, just be here by myself doing it.

00:33:04.720 Uh, because that's really what it's all about.

00:33:06.340 And I wanted to thank you guys for your support and for, you know, just for, you know, a lot of calls.

00:33:11.800 A lot of guys calling in about some real things that are going on.

00:33:15.300 And, um, and it helps me stay grounded and helps me think about, you know, people's lives outside of my own.

00:33:23.240 Because that's when I'm the best as a person, I find when I'm not thinking about myself.

00:33:27.200 Because, you know, I have that infection.

00:33:28.580 And, um, I have that infection of ego.

00:33:31.620 And it's built into us.

00:33:33.480 And that, and that infection makes me, uh, think about myself a lot of times.

00:33:37.740 Um, you know, I, so I just want to let you guys know that this is going to continue to be a safe place.

00:33:42.680 I'm going to get back in and check in the voicemails again.

00:33:45.080 Uh, so that I know, you know, exactly what's called, who's calling in and what's going on.

00:33:49.800 Um, oh, it's a buddy of mine's brother.

00:33:52.620 Sorry, my phone's hooked up.

00:33:54.500 Uh, you know, and, and we're going to keep, you know, you know,

00:33:57.880 a lot of guys were here whenever we started, you know, a lot of those OG, the, you know,

00:34:02.120 Tom from North Carolina, one leg, Pat, JP, animal guy, you know, he's going to be calling back in.

00:34:08.020 I just got a picture.

00:34:08.660 He sent me a picture yesterday of, uh, of his stepdaddy kind of, you know, 0.99

00:34:13.460 getting into an argument with, um, uh, an alligator, a small alligator or a fucking strong lizard. 0.98

00:34:19.660 One or the other. 0.98

00:34:21.100 Rico from New Hampshire, the guy, you know, everybody, Jesse, uh, Jimmy D'Amora,

00:34:25.300 who sent in, um, who, who sent in a lot of, uh, audio for us to check out.

00:34:30.500 Anybody that submitted music, Jesse Lucero, you know, um, Starlight Stevie,

00:34:36.820 who sent that stuff in last week, who sent that hitter in last week.

00:34:40.460 You know, the YouTubers, Johnson, four, five, four, three, Johnson, five, four, three.

00:34:46.500 Anybody, just anybody.

00:34:47.440 I'm just saying who people have been a part.

00:34:49.040 We're going to keep, you know, we want to keep that localized vibe.

00:34:51.440 So that's some of the goal, um, trying to get to 50,000 subscribers.

00:34:55.040 You know, we have some goals in the big picture, you know, uh, what out.

00:34:59.160 And then to continue to try to do new stuff, you know, um, I had, uh, the, the studio is

00:35:06.140 a little bit bigger.

00:35:06.880 You guys can't see it, but we're going to try to have a guest on and just see how that

00:35:10.200 feels.

00:35:11.360 You know, I mean, I still get nervous sometimes just talking to somebody.

00:35:14.840 So to talk to somebody and do it in front of other people, you know, it's baby steps for

00:35:19.200 me, some of this stuff, but, um, you know, to try to continue to do this past Thursday

00:35:25.460 every week to do a follow up because there's been some cool stuff, you know, um, some cool,

00:35:30.860 some cool, some cool men and women out there calling in with stuff that's going on in their

00:35:34.960 lives and us being able to discuss it as a group.

00:35:37.480 So I just want to let you guys know that that's kind of what's going on.

00:35:40.700 And really all that it is, is not much, you know, just trying to stick with the same

00:35:45.080 thing.

00:35:45.520 Um, by the end of the year, I'd love to have all my own equipment, you know, that we

00:35:50.620 own.

00:35:50.940 And I want to thank everybody on Patreon who helps out and supports there, you know, that

00:35:54.680 money. 0.95

00:35:55.000 I mean, you know, as soon as this fricking lens comes in, cause some assholes who are, who 0.99

00:35:59.780 are selling lenses out there aren't doing shit on the up and up because I've gotten, you 0.98

00:36:04.560 know, I've ordered these lenses and they haven't come in.

00:36:06.240 So we can't activate the second camera yet.

00:36:08.940 Um, but you know, it's trial and error and I want to thank gray block pizza cause they've been

00:36:13.200 there, you know, and they've been supportive all year and, um, and I'm just really grateful

00:36:18.580 because it's things like that that are helping us.

00:36:20.180 And by the end of the year, maybe be in a studio, being in an actual, you know, an onsite

00:36:25.600 location, an onsite location somewhere where we can do some real gang gang types type stuff,

00:36:30.580 you know, four 20 Gucci gang all day.

00:36:32.980 So, you know that.

00:36:34.760 So that's some things that are going on and that's just the state of the podcast address.

00:36:38.480 And really it's just a thank you, uh, for you guys' support.

00:36:41.920 Thank you, gray block.

00:36:43.000 Thank you, everybody.

00:36:44.500 Um, here we go.

00:36:45.960 So let's get into it, man.

00:36:47.180 You know, uh, I already told you guys what happened this past weekend, man, ran across

00:36:52.540 a lot of straight up superstars who could be aliens, who had that ability, you know, like

00:36:59.500 what if somebody came, what if something, you know, you got a message one day in your inbox

00:37:03.900 and it said that you were an alien, could you handle it?

00:37:10.360 Seriously, man. 1.00

00:37:11.060 Some of y'all are like, what the fuck's Theo talking about? 0.99

00:37:12.760 I'll tell you what the fuck I'm talking about, dude. 1.00

00:37:15.060 I'm talking about real shit. 0.99

00:37:16.880 I'm talking about things that could be possible, man. 0.99

00:37:20.340 You don't think, I mean, look at us.

00:37:22.320 We're in space, brosie and chick and ladies.

00:37:26.240 We're in space. 0.99

00:37:27.980 You don't think somebody out here could be milling around as a fucking alien, walking 1.00

00:37:33.820 around at night by themselves, fucking drinking gasoline and chocolate milk and probably, you 1.00

00:37:40.000 know, they could probably do crazy stuff, hide inside their own ass. 1.00

00:37:43.860 Who knows? 1.00

00:37:45.640 I've seen crazier shit, man. 1.00

00:37:48.880 You know, I've seen crazy shit. 1.00

00:37:51.080 Dude, I knew a blind kid that could fucking jump high and I used to fight him. 1.00

00:38:00.240 And so until you've been through shit like that, you know, you, you know, when you go 0.99

00:38:04.980 through stuff like that, you start to believe what's possible out there. 0.99

00:38:08.740 You go fight a blind kid that could jump high, dude. 1.00

00:38:10.960 He's got the aggression of a damn, of a, of a Wolverine and that's a bull and a Wolverine, 1.00

00:38:15.920 you ass. 1.00

00:38:16.420 And I'm sorry to get heated, man, but, but I think the one thing that if we did have 1.00

00:38:24.220 aliens now, they would admit it.

00:38:26.200 They would say I'm an alien.

00:38:27.740 Aliens in the past?

00:38:28.900 No.

00:38:29.500 There would be hunt.

00:38:30.340 People would hunt them, pitchfork them. 0.99

00:38:33.500 You know, people, I mean, fucking some people can't even, you know, talk to somebody who drinks 0.99

00:38:37.580 Pepsi if they're a Coke drinker. 0.99

00:38:39.720 So, you know, 20 years ago, people couldn't handle somebody, you know, slipping them off to

00:38:43.660 the side and saying, guess what? 0.99

00:38:44.900 But, daddy's on that alien tip, you know, you know, daddy's out there at night fucking 1.00

00:38:51.880 snorting stardust, dude, and eating fucking pieces of glass in the garage, you know, because 0.99

00:38:59.340 it, you know, because the, the orb in the distance says he has to. 0.99

00:39:03.640 We couldn't handle it.

00:39:04.540 But now if an alien were here, I think not only will we handle it, you know, he'd be like,

00:39:09.540 I mean, he would just probably, he'd be like The Rock.

00:39:12.660 He'd be like Dwayne The Rock Johnson, but he would have, you know, he'd have millions

00:39:16.000 of Twitter followers and Instagram followers and everything.

00:39:18.280 He would just have fans now.

00:39:21.720 And if you were, if he was an alien now, he would admit it. 0.99

00:39:24.060 He'd be like, look, I'm an alien, you know, so give me all the free shit. 0.99

00:39:28.460 I'm awesome, you know. 0.98

00:39:31.860 But let's get into the rest of the podcast, man.

00:39:34.520 Let's get into the rest of it.

00:39:36.040 We had Mickey call in.

00:39:37.300 Dude, so many great calls came in from my boy, Mickey.

00:39:39.520 Sweet Mickey, boy.

00:39:40.920 And Mickey's out there running down.

00:39:42.500 His lungs are run down.

00:39:44.180 And so we're going to listen to a little bit of Mickey right here.

00:39:45.960 Take a hit off of Mickey.

00:39:47.380 Hey, yo, Theo, man.

00:39:48.720 This is Mickey calling from Seattle.

00:39:51.320 So here's my situation, man.

00:39:53.080 I'm 30 years old.

00:39:55.180 And I'm currently at the end stage of a lung disease.

00:39:59.900 Now, my current lungs don't have very long left.

00:40:03.240 Probably about two and a half years.

00:40:05.060 Hopefully we can stretch them out, but.

00:40:07.000 So like, you know, and this came in, this came in on Thursday's episode.

00:40:10.000 I'm just playing it against this in case some of you guys didn't hear it.

00:40:12.140 Mickey got them empty hitters, man.

00:40:13.820 You ever had a gallon of milk and it gets to the end and you're shaking it like that?

00:40:18.020 Just see how much milk is still in there?

00:40:19.740 And that's where Mickey's at.

00:40:22.040 You know, onward.

00:40:23.960 The silver lining is that I'm going to be soon on the lung transplant list.

00:40:30.080 I'm hoping.

00:40:30.760 I'm going to get listed, which will give me a few more years to figure this whole thing out.

00:40:34.820 That's what I'm saying.

00:40:35.640 So Mickey's trying to get that time.

00:40:37.280 And I texted with Mickey the other day, you know, and he said he appreciated, you know,

00:40:40.900 how we discussed it last week on the cast and that we had a good time.

00:40:44.380 And we, you know, we just talked openly about what's going on, you know, about what's going

00:40:48.660 on with his life.

00:40:49.380 And he's on the, you know, that he's running light on air because we've all been somewhere.

00:40:54.760 We've all been running a little bit light on something, you know, but Mickey's got them

00:40:59.460 ticking.

00:40:59.900 He's got them tickers in him and those things are just tick tocking and the whole time.

00:41:03.780 And so he's hoping to get on that transplant list.

00:41:06.500 And I know that that's a special moment, man, when that happens, that you get on that list

00:41:09.860 and you have that, you know, you have that hope.

00:41:12.760 And we're certainly going to wish that for you.

00:41:14.900 And I even texted Mickey.

00:41:16.120 I said, look, man, we'll try to find you a lung through the podcast, you know, because 0.94

00:41:21.060 there's been some callers out there, fucking my boy JP down in Alabama, he's only have 0.98

00:41:26.520 one leg. 0.98

00:41:28.060 So he probably wouldn't, you know, I'm not putting words in his mouth, you know, but 0.99

00:41:33.700 he probably wouldn't mind, you know, coming in on fucking, you know, one fucking, you 0.99

00:41:42.700 know, air tit, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:41:44.620 That lung.

00:41:45.860 Let's hear a little more, Mickey.

00:41:46.980 And it's been a really difficult time and I've been single through it.

00:41:53.200 My question to you, man, is during this difficult time that's really ruined my confidence, I

00:41:59.200 wanted to ask you and the viewers what they think, what are some good steps that I can

00:42:05.480 take to start boosting my confidence and my self-worth?

00:42:10.160 There you go.

00:42:10.800 Man, and you know what this makes me think, man, honestly, is that it's just, it's so

00:42:16.040 wild that, that we are in a time where men are struggling so much with their self-confidence

00:42:22.420 and self-worth.

00:42:24.680 That even, that even, it's like no matter what is going on, I mean, here is Mickey with a

00:42:31.080 real ailment, you know?

00:42:33.520 I mean, this is something that is probably very rare.

00:42:36.800 You know, I remember when my sister needed a liver, it was, I mean, one in like a million

00:42:41.820 children was born with the issue that she had.

00:42:45.340 And I don't even know what Mickey did, you know?

00:42:47.560 I don't know.

00:42:48.040 Some people blow through their own stuff, you know? 0.88

00:42:50.820 You might, I mean, if he's out there fucking huffing gas or something or doing that kind 0.99

00:42:54.220 of shit and blowing through his lungs, then that's different. 0.99

00:42:57.100 But if this is something that, you know, that came into him by nature, then that's, you know, 1.00

00:43:01.720 then that's, that's another different, you know?

00:43:04.100 And that's more real, but, you know, here you are, you know, you have this, you have

00:43:09.680 this thing going on, man, and you are, you're dealing with the same stuff still, you know,

00:43:15.120 it's just wild.

00:43:15.940 It's wild that, you know, that it's like no matter who we are, that sometimes there's

00:43:21.860 so many problems that are, you know, that, that just connect us all.

00:43:28.820 I mean, you could have somebody out there with no head or no, and no arms and legs and

00:43:35.440 they, you know, they, they would still be worrying about self-confidence, you know, and

00:43:40.620 these sorts of things, man.

00:43:41.740 And it just, I don't know how it may, it makes me feel, man, it makes me feel, I guess

00:43:50.980 a little bit, I don't know if I want to say, not ungrateful, but it makes me feel a little

00:43:56.720 disappointed maybe in myself, you know, that here I am and I'm, you know, I'm healthier

00:44:01.440 than Mickey is right now and that I'm, you know, maybe I'm not taking all the steps I

00:44:07.040 could take all the time to try and boost my own self-confidence and stuff like that.

00:44:11.720 Even though I know it's not one of those things, it's, you know, that's always easily fixable,

00:44:16.280 but, you know, it's like, here I am just, you know, uh, here I am, I don't have a ticking

00:44:24.740 time, you know, I don't have to, you know, two ticking time bombs in my body, you know,

00:44:28.920 I'm not on that, on the clock.

00:44:31.240 And, and so since that's the case, I'm not worried about as much about, you know, always

00:44:36.360 getting myself to wellness.

00:44:38.480 Whereas here's Mickey's out there, he's on the clock and one of the things he wants

00:44:41.800 to do, he wants to man up in case he doesn't, in case he doesn't have the opportunity to

00:44:45.920 stick around.

00:44:46.860 He wants to defeat that self-confidence, you know, and, you know, man, it's just, I can't

00:44:51.900 imagine what you've been through, but some of our listeners have some thoughts for you

00:44:54.780 and some suggestions and we're going to crack in a little bit that right now.

00:44:57.740 Here we go, Mickey.

00:44:59.200 Yeah, the, uh, it's Ricky Dickey from Pittsburgh.

00:45:03.340 Oh, and this is Ricky Dickey from Pittsburgh and I've never even, I don't know, I guess that's

00:45:08.080 your real name.

00:45:08.660 I'm not even sure, brother.

00:45:09.560 I've never, I don't think I ever called anybody Ricky Dickey.

00:45:12.640 Onward.

00:45:13.240 I'm calling in to talk about, uh, our boy Mickey and the lungs.

00:45:18.160 And I think, uh, I think his best bet might be to find someone with, you know, another

00:45:24.560 ailment, someone that needs a kidney or a liver or they need lungs and they could breathe life

00:45:31.040 into each other.

00:45:32.360 No pun intended.

00:45:33.340 Well, I mean, it seems like obvious pun intended right there, but, uh, but you know what, man,

00:45:40.620 you might be right.

00:45:42.580 You know, it is funny how we, we, you, if you, if you have somebody that has some of the

00:45:47.120 same issues that it brings you together.

00:45:50.120 And that's one thing that sharing issues does when we're able to share like what is, what

00:45:55.020 is, what makes us hurt.

00:45:58.540 You know, when you're able to share that with somebody, it, it's crazy how it brings you

00:46:02.280 together.

00:46:02.620 You know, I've noticed that in brief moments, um, with dating and stuff like that, when I'm

00:46:09.700 actually able to try and voice what is going on, what scares me that it ends up instead of

00:46:20.700 thinking, fuck, I'm going to say this and this person is going to hate me or this person is 0.98

00:46:25.800 not going to care about me anymore. 0.99

00:46:27.280 Instead, it just makes them understand me.

00:46:33.560 And so much care usually comes out of understanding, um, that it's fascinating.

00:46:40.900 So you may be onto something there, you know, that, you know, sometimes you can see that you

00:46:46.840 can see what you know, the feeling of, and you see it in somebody else.

00:46:51.860 Um, and if you're able to be a good partner for that person, because you can understand

00:46:57.780 them the best, because you're saddling up on that, on those feelings and riding that

00:47:03.120 similar vibe, whatever it is every day.

00:47:06.220 Now, if you're talking about just mixing, matching people, that's Frankensteinian.

00:47:10.600 You know what I'm saying?

00:47:11.300 If you're talking about finding somebody with a one leg and somebody with a different leg

00:47:14.000 and matching them up, then that's wild.

00:47:17.480 You know, that's, you know, I mean, that's just, I mean, it makes sense if you're charting,

00:47:21.960 if you're, you know, doing a drawing and if you're trying to, you know, if you're, if you're

00:47:26.640 doing a human puzzle, a puzzle made out of humans, but it doesn't make sense realistically,

00:47:31.900 I don't think.

00:47:33.360 You know, but, but I don't know if you had somebody that, you know, their heart didn't

00:47:37.620 work and yet somebody's brain didn't work and you put them together.

00:47:40.100 Could make beauty, but that's Ricky Dickey out of Pittsburgh, man, making us a little

00:47:47.220 bit of some suggestions for Mickey and, and also I know I'm going to be in Tacoma and I,

00:47:52.380 you know, I'm going to be in Tacoma and I'm announcing it right now, the 15th and 16th,

00:47:56.260 that's Thursday and Friday and that's outside of Seattle and Tacoma and we're going to try

00:48:01.220 to get a date for Mickey because, you know, in the rest of his call, if you listened last

00:48:04.920 week, he talks about, he wants to have more confidence, you know, he'd like to meet, he'd

00:48:08.880 like to, you know, fall in love, you know, he'd like to meet a lady and he wasn't talking

00:48:13.440 about sex, he wasn't talking about, you know, um, you know, just reaching down into some

00:48:18.520 moist, you know, touching that moist.

00:48:21.660 He was talking about being out there and maybe looking for some love, you know, look, he was

00:48:26.260 out there trying to get up in that, you know, that baritone maker in between that, in between

00:48:29.940 those ribs and that's the heart.

00:48:34.640 So there's a lot going on in this, man.

00:48:37.620 Let's listen to another call that came in right here, but we're going to try to set Mickey

00:48:40.880 up there in, uh, in Tacoma.

00:48:42.340 So if you have somebody out there in Tacoma who's a lady, you know, you know, and she's 1.00

00:48:48.280 got, you know what I'm saying?

00:48:49.640 She don't mind a little guy who's, you know, maybe who might, you know, have to take an early 0.78

00:48:53.940 break during sex, you know, then maybe you could set, you know, set us up and get my

00:49:01.060 boy Mickey out there and let's, you know, maybe him will go and me and him and I'll bring a

00:49:04.640 lady or something and we'll take, um, some ladies out on a double date or something, or 1.00

00:49:08.540 we'll just set them up and let him and this girl go out there and have a good time, you

00:49:12.300 know?

00:49:13.460 But, uh, but no matter what, Mickey's going to be my guest there up there in Tacoma, man,

00:49:16.720 and I'm looking forward to it.

00:49:17.540 We texted about it.

00:49:18.540 He said he's going to keep his schedule open.

00:49:20.180 Let's hear some other calls you guys had for him.

00:49:21.680 Here we go.

00:49:22.940 Hey Theo, this is Jason.

00:49:23.940 Jason calling from California in regards to the guy who's waiting for a lung transplant.

00:49:28.680 Yeah, that guy's Mickey, brother.

00:49:30.120 Okay.

00:49:30.680 Thanks for calling Jason.

00:49:31.840 Onward.

00:49:32.860 He's asking how he could be more confident.

00:49:34.740 There's absolutely, totally a way that he can be confident just as much as the rest of

00:49:38.540 us because I think at the end of the day, the person who has the most integrity, who

00:49:43.300 is the most true to their soul, that is like the most real man that you can be.

00:49:49.160 And if you're ever in the presence of a person who is just authentically empowered with

00:49:53.920 no guilt, with total integrity, total devotion to just doing the right thing for all who

00:49:59.800 are involved, there is a sense of energy that person carries that even a very large, confident

00:50:05.800 bodybuilder would have to kind of recognize that.

00:50:08.960 Wow.

00:50:11.700 Wow, man.

00:50:12.440 I think you might have just put everybody on blast right there, like in our hearts, you

00:50:17.540 know?

00:50:19.340 I mean, that's, that's, I mean, that was a, I mean, that's a real, that was awesome, Jason.

00:50:24.220 I appreciate that.

00:50:25.400 Um, let's listen to the end of this and then I'll, and respect it.

00:50:28.920 Lack of confidence.

00:50:29.740 I would start to really build up personal integrity, start helping people, start making

00:50:33.840 people feel better and start being the one person who is brave enough to be nice and do

00:50:38.920 the righteous thing, especially if you only have a few years left, that could be your gift.

00:50:43.160 Wow.

00:50:45.060 I don't even know what to say really.

00:50:46.300 I mean, that's, you know, that's why I'm the middle man here because I don't, I, you 0.98

00:50:52.860 know, I don't have that.

00:50:53.980 I don't have those words inside of me like that man did right there.

00:50:58.020 But if for some reason, when he said that, I know that, that, that, that, that, that's

00:51:01.980 the truth.

00:51:03.200 When you have that, when you are the truest man, it's like you're surfing your own, it's 0.99

00:51:13.240 like surfing your own, it's like surfing on your own semen, bro. 0.76

00:51:17.460 And I don't mean to be crass, but I bet that's how it feels.

00:51:21.460 When you are guilt free and you are living and you are living in the place where you,

00:51:31.180 where you, where you, where you are just going to be righteous.

00:51:35.000 You're going to try your best.

00:51:37.220 You know, now the problem is when you do that, it's just the, that's when that ego, that

00:51:41.360 ego starts taking hits off of your righteous after you doing the right things and starts

00:51:45.680 telling it, oh, I do the right things, you know, and that's where the ego comes in.

00:51:49.740 But man, to live clean and free like that.

00:51:52.380 And maybe I'm talking because I've never done that, you know, I mean, I've never lived

00:51:57.520 completely, you know, out of debt emotionally or out of debt spiritually.

00:52:04.800 You know, I'm in spiritual debt, you know, and I don't, I'm not coming at you in like

00:52:10.020 a religious way or anything, but I just know in my heart that, uh, you know, that there's,

00:52:17.320 you know, I've got a couple of outsiders living in my heart, you know what I'm saying?

00:52:22.100 But I know that that's the right answer, that if you, if you build up that integrity, man,

00:52:25.920 you build up that 100% that people can smell that on you.

00:52:30.620 Let's, uh, thank you for that call.

00:52:31.940 Let's take one more.

00:52:32.480 Here we go.

00:52:32.940 Yo, what's good, bruh?

00:52:34.800 This is Pennsylvania Pete.

00:52:36.760 Pennsylvania Pete.

00:52:37.720 I've never called anybody that.

00:52:39.180 Let's hear more.

00:52:40.680 Um, I'm calling in response to your boy, uh, Trick Lung Mickey.

00:52:45.180 TLM, baby.

00:52:46.260 And if you want to see the call for specifically from Mickey and, um, and my thoughts on it,

00:52:50.280 that's on YouTubes out there.

00:52:52.720 Onward.

00:52:53.120 I'm not in his personal situation, so I can't say how it would be to overcome, you know,

00:52:57.940 the fear of death in such a short time span and then how to talk to women.

00:53:02.720 But I feel like, you know, the best bet for him to do would be to accept it as quick as

00:53:08.980 he can.

00:53:09.320 Start joking about it, right?

00:53:10.980 And once you start joking about it, you know, I don't know if you'll ever be able to really

00:53:14.580 accept it because I think that's the thing that everyone, you know, has troubles dealing

00:53:19.100 with.

00:53:19.420 And, you know, the fear of dying is so, so scary, but, uh, yeah, the best thing maybe

00:53:25.660 could just, you know, come to terms with it. 0.99

00:53:27.600 And then, well, I mean, look, I think Mickey's called up confident as fuck, dude. 0.99

00:53:35.340 You know, Pennsylvania Pete. 0.98

00:53:38.360 And I will call you that now.

00:53:40.500 I think Mickey called up 100 about his activity, you know.

00:53:44.240 I mean, this guy's out there.

00:53:45.320 I mean, you know, he's being brave. 0.92

00:53:46.600 He could just lay on the internet and jerk off, dude, you know, and get exhausted quick 0.99

00:53:52.740 and just, you know, rest a little and then jerk off again. 0.99

00:53:56.300 But he's not doing that. 0.96

00:53:58.300 You know, he's saying he wants to, he wants more.

00:54:01.600 He wants more than his present lungs can hold.

00:54:08.940 You know what I'm saying?

00:54:11.220 He wants to double down on his own life.

00:54:15.840 That's what he wants to do.

00:54:18.780 He's willing to take that risk.

00:54:21.860 He's asking the universe, I want love because I'm going to get on that transplant list.

00:54:27.600 I'm going to get that second, I'm going to get four lungs. 0.99

00:54:32.080 Fucking tricky. 1.00

00:54:33.060 Mickey's going to be a damn amphibian come 2022. 1.00

00:54:38.360 That boy's going to be out there fucking backstroking in your lake 1.00

00:54:41.620 and banging your sister and stepmom at the same time. 0.99

00:54:48.460 So freaking, you know, I mean, Pennsylvania Pete accepted and, I mean, like, I feel you. 0.95

00:54:53.400 It sounds like he's accepted it, though.

00:54:56.200 It sounds like he's accepted it.

00:54:57.580 But, you know, maybe you got to accept, Big Petey.

00:55:02.960 Maybe you got to accept, maybe you sitting around your room looking you got three or four sisters or siblings in the house, female siblings.

00:55:09.100 You know? 1.00

00:55:09.660 And you thinking, oh, damn. 0.99

00:55:12.420 Maybe you scared that somebody with as much integrity as sweet Mickey has out there, that when he gets sucrose-ed up with them new airbags, that he's going to come to your house. 0.99

00:55:22.720 And he's going to give you a bunch of nieces and nephews, you know, because that is a lover boy.

00:55:30.000 So you might be living in fear, Pete.

00:55:34.240 Anyway, I didn't mean to get fired up, though.

00:55:35.760 I do appreciate everybody's calling.

00:55:37.240 I always do.

00:55:38.080 Let's take one more.

00:55:38.940 Let's hit another call here, man.

00:55:40.340 Here we go.

00:55:40.780 Yeah, I feel you, TJ.

00:55:53.200 Thanks for calling, dude.

00:55:53.960 You honestly sound like you have less time to be alive than Mickey, bro, to be honest with you, bro.

00:55:59.940 No shame.

00:56:00.680 No shame, you know?

00:56:03.800 And look, and Mickey and I texted the other day about joking around, and he was cool, man.

00:56:08.060 He said it was, you know, he laughed, and he'd been having a laugh, and he'd been sharing this experience with his friends.

00:56:13.420 And look, that's where I'm from. 0.98

00:56:16.220 So sometimes if somebody's like, man, you joke about shit that's too real, well, guess what? 0.99

00:56:20.820 You know? 0.98

00:56:21.420 I didn't choose that for myself always.

00:56:23.860 And I do know that it is a problem that I have.

00:56:25.520 Sometimes I do joke when things shouldn't be joked about.

00:56:28.920 You know?

00:56:29.580 But I mean, I grew up, man, my dad was 70 when I was born.

00:56:31.840 You know that?

00:56:32.240 My sister had a liver, was not on the liver list. 1.00

00:56:36.280 You know?

00:56:36.640 I mean, she laid in the crib, dude.

00:56:38.660 She was green and yellow and different colors for five, six years. 0.98

00:56:43.160 You know?

00:56:43.620 Had so many scars on her body. 0.99

00:56:44.960 Looked like a damn, you know, looked like a, I mean, looked like a scarecrow. 0.99

00:56:50.460 Looked like the child of a scarecrow. 1.00

00:56:52.680 You know?

00:56:53.140 So my first thoughts growing up was that everybody's dying.

00:56:56.760 You know, I'm not trying to glum anybody out, but I'm trying to let you know where some of my sense of humor comes from.

00:57:01.840 You know, so you don't think I'm just out here.

00:57:05.560 That's where my sense of humor got made.

00:57:07.860 That if I didn't have a, if I wasn't able to find some joy in that, you know, and going up to my dad and not knowing each time if he's alive or just, you know, resting.

00:57:19.280 He'd have friends come over, both of them fall asleep on the couch.

00:57:22.180 And I'm thinking we got a carbon monoxide leak in the house.

00:57:25.840 But the truth is, both of them are just in their late 70s.

00:57:28.820 And they just, we're having a conversation and one of them didn't talk for a little bit and both of them dozed off.

00:57:36.420 But TJ, man, you sound like you might need a spare lung, but let's hear more.

00:57:39.700 Thank you for calling, TJ.

00:57:41.640 You know, my best advice would be maybe if he could go on one of these dating sites, you know, his online dating sites.

00:57:49.260 And just kind of explain his situation, right?

00:57:51.580 So, you know, whoever knows his situation right off the bat, because the worst thing you can do is get, you know, attached to a girl and get really serious with her, you know, and she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.

00:58:06.720 And then two down, you know, two years down the road and you're dead.

00:58:10.280 I hope that doesn't happen, you know what I'm saying?

00:58:12.240 But I think that would be the best thing, just explain your situation.

00:58:16.620 You're going through a hard time.

00:58:17.960 You want some companionship.

00:58:19.320 And, yeah, man, anyway, that's my advice.

00:58:23.980 Love you for the podcast, bro.

00:58:26.180 Thank you, TJ, man, and I love you, bud.

00:58:28.500 I'm sorry.

00:58:29.060 I've been a little fired up this episode, you know.

00:58:32.220 But, you know, and look, here's the thing.

00:58:36.060 TJ brings up a good point because, look, Mickey, I'll tell you this, brother.

00:58:39.420 We're all on dating apps.

00:58:42.620 Everybody's out there on them.

00:58:44.740 You know, so that's not like, you know, I don't want you to think that,

00:58:49.320 and look, man, I'm not trying to, I mean, I can't imagine, you know, what you're having to deal with, Mickey.

00:58:54.580 You know, here you are sharing something that's, I mean, that's the realest thing.

00:59:00.980 You know, somebody turns on the egg timer that, you know, turns an egg timer on inside of your body.

00:59:07.300 You know, and here you are sharing that with us and letting us talk about that and think about that, you know, and even joke about it.

00:59:14.940 And so I want to say thank you for letting us do that.

00:59:17.660 But the thing is also, I don't want you to think you're missing out on some magical universe where, you know, air-capable people,

00:59:27.300 you know, people that are fully air-capable are, you know, out here just dating and, you know, and everything's easy-peasy.

00:59:34.860 Part of the problem is things have changed now, and so we're all out here on these electronics.

00:59:39.280 We're all kind of becoming alien to each other.

00:59:42.620 You know, speaking of aliens, we're all kind of becoming alien to each other.

00:59:46.880 So, you know, it is tough.

00:59:49.940 It's a tough idea for a lot of people.

00:59:52.240 But, you know, I'll say this, man, a lot of women, and this might be a weird way to look at it, but women love a project. 0.95

01:00:01.760 Women love a man they can rescue. 1.00

01:00:04.860 Women love, you know, and women also, this is a dark way to put it, kind of a women love fucking death and murder and stuff. 1.00

01:00:15.300 Every woman I know has seen every episode of Dateline ever. 1.00

01:00:22.260 I mean, I secretly think that women want to get murdered. 1.00

01:00:25.980 And I don't mean that in like a, you know, a Me Too or any of that Time's Up.

01:00:30.180 I'm not talking about anything like that.

01:00:32.160 But I think that women secretly have this fascination with, you know, getting almost murdered. 0.68

01:00:39.340 Let's say that.

01:00:40.300 Because they're all watching it.

01:00:43.100 All the time.

01:00:44.100 And so, you know what I'm saying?

01:00:46.540 You have that mysterious element. 0.98

01:00:48.720 If I want to be mysterious, I got to fucking put on like a, you know, a dark bonnet or get a hammer or something. 0.97

01:00:57.660 But if you want to be mysterious, Mickey, you just roll up. 0.98

01:01:02.560 You know what I'm saying? 0.97

01:01:03.440 And your freaking lungs, I mean, you know, roll up with a picture of your lungs. 1.00

01:01:09.380 Fucking show her that picture. 1.00

01:01:10.580 Like, look, baby girl, these things. 1.00

01:01:13.480 Couple of A cups right here I'm running on. 1.00

01:01:15.720 You know, couple of fucking bat wings left in your boy. 0.99

01:01:19.920 So why don't you and me, you know, why don't we see at least how deep my heart is? 0.99

01:01:28.780 I mean, you got to pick up.

01:01:31.120 You can make a pickup line that could be deeper than anything.

01:01:36.120 Like, hey, honey, my lungs don't work.

01:01:37.640 So I'm going to have to smell you with my heart.

01:01:42.880 You know, so I'm going to have to hold your scent in my heart.

01:01:46.720 And that's that third lung, man, that heart.

01:01:51.860 You know, that's that lung that holds, you know, that holds, you know, the air that holds our most important air.

01:02:04.340 And you sound like you got a big one of those.

01:02:07.180 But, man, you know, you've just had me thinking all week, man.

01:02:10.760 You've had me thinking, and I appreciate it, Mickey.

01:02:12.480 And I look forward to seeing you at Tacoma.

01:02:14.320 And if you guys have somebody you think would be good to set up for Mickey, email me.

01:02:19.780 You know, and that's just T-H-E-O-V-O-N-K at M-A-C dot com.

01:02:25.720 And they got to live up in Tacoma or Seattle. 0.99

01:02:27.280 Don't send me somebody from fucking Indiana. 1.00

01:02:29.720 We ain't busting in some Muppet from Indiana. 1.00

01:02:32.340 You know what I'm saying?

01:02:33.740 Some chick that's just, you know, just got out the system or something. 1.00

01:02:37.040 Or some brought out them halfway houses. 1.00

01:02:38.900 We're not doing all of that shit. 0.99

01:02:40.040 You know, this ain't a fucking, you know, we ain't trying to, you know, bring somebody's clout up. 1.00

01:02:47.260 We ain't trying to greyhound some bitch out from Evansville. 1.00

01:02:50.660 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

01:02:51.120 We're talking about, let's find him a decent woman who may be interested in a man. 1.00

01:02:57.520 That is a man.

01:02:59.660 He ain't coming in light in any loafers.

01:03:03.400 He's coming in heavy in the heart.

01:03:07.500 And maybe a little light in the lungs.

01:03:14.400 All right, guys, let's take this call right here.

01:03:16.080 Here we go.

01:03:16.780 This was a separate call that came in.

01:03:18.720 Hey, Theo, what's going on, man?

01:03:19.980 Love the show.

01:03:20.640 This is Cooper.

01:03:21.700 I'm wondering if you can maybe help me out with a personal problem.

01:03:24.840 All right, Cooper, thank you for calling.

01:03:26.360 Onward.

01:03:26.620 You know, just speaking from your life experience, have you ever been dating a, you know, a real fiery, spicy Latina, maybe a Caribbean girl, like a real exotic girl?

01:03:38.180 Maybe she's got like a like a pet parrot at home. 1.00

01:03:41.020 I'm just wondering, how do you deal with the bird when it's tackling you during sex?

01:03:46.080 All right, so I think that's obviously a, you know, joking around a coop, Cooper, sorry, calling about a bird.

01:03:55.220 So that's irony, irony, Cooper, bird coop.

01:04:00.220 And I'll say this, dude, a Latina, a spicy Latina or Caribbean woman, okay, probably different things, dude.

01:04:11.180 Go down to the Caribbean, bro.

01:04:13.080 I'd love to see you go down there, sweet coop.

01:04:15.760 Let me tell you what happened to me one time down in the Caribbean or in Jamaica or somewhere.

01:04:21.020 Okay, I go into a Starbucks, dude.

01:04:22.980 They had a sign outside.

01:04:23.800 It says Starbucks.

01:04:24.640 I walk in.

01:04:26.020 There's a lady back in there. 1.00

01:04:27.300 It looks kind of weird in there.

01:04:28.260 There's a lady, she's like, welcome to the Starbucks lounge. 1.00

01:04:31.880 Can I get you a smoothie?

01:04:35.760 It wasn't even a Starbucks, dude. 0.99

01:04:37.360 Somebody had stolen a Starbucks sign, put it up outside of a fucking smoothie center. 1.00

01:04:40.940 Some, I don't know what the fuck it was, dude. 0.99

01:04:44.000 And then I order it, gave the lady some money. 0.99

01:04:45.800 She fucking went out the back. 1.00

01:04:47.640 Rap. 1.00

01:04:48.160 Never saw it.

01:04:48.700 Waited 20 minutes.

01:04:49.760 Went out in the street.

01:04:51.220 And there was about a block away, there was literally a knife fight right in front of me.

01:04:55.160 Two dudes fighting with knives, which.

01:04:58.260 Very fun to watch. 0.99

01:04:59.680 Watching dudes fight with knives, bro, it is damn. 1.00

01:05:02.780 I mean, it's, you know, it's that fucking killer capoeira right there. 0.99

01:05:08.460 You know, and it was pretty fun. 0.99

01:05:09.720 And then one of them chased the other one down the street.

01:05:11.960 But I like to see you out there doing all of that, Mr. Coop.

01:05:14.760 And I, but I'll be, and also I made love to a girl in Denver years ago.

01:05:19.280 This blonde girl. 0.87

01:05:20.500 And she lived at a high altitude.

01:05:22.220 And she had a gray parrot lit.

01:05:24.200 And a lot of parrot lits, I believe, are from South America.

01:05:28.200 And it would actually be on my shoulder once in a while we were making love.

01:05:31.880 But that's not, that's not hard to be.

01:05:33.740 Because I'm not good at making love.

01:05:35.220 So, you know, easy place for a bird to roost.

01:05:39.120 But anyhow, let's go.

01:05:40.780 Onward.

01:05:41.800 Let's take another call, man, here.

01:05:43.300 What do we got here?

01:05:45.000 All right.

01:05:47.080 Let's get this one last call in.

01:05:48.860 And I want to let you guys know some dates that I'm going to be performing.

01:05:54.200 I will be in Portland, Oregon.

01:05:56.580 And that is this weekend at Harvey's Comedy Club.

01:06:00.640 And you can find that, tickets to that on theovon.com slash tour, T-O-U-R.

01:06:07.520 As well, next weekend I'll be in La Jolla at the Comedy Store.

01:06:11.640 After that, the 23rd and 24th of February I'll be in Fantasy Springs Casino.

01:06:18.000 And then the 15th and 16th I'll be in Tacoma there in Washington.

01:06:24.440 The 17th I'll be in Spokane.

01:06:26.640 And those are of March.

01:06:27.700 March 15th through 17th.

01:06:30.080 March 23rd and 20th through 25th I'll be in Oxnard, California at Levity Live.

01:06:36.700 And then in April I'll be at Bananas Comedy.

01:06:40.520 And that's in New Jersey somewhere.

01:06:42.400 I'm not sure where.

01:06:44.280 And then also I got this little announcement.

01:06:47.180 I guess it's an announcement.

01:06:48.600 I'm going to be shooting a movie, a film.

01:06:51.040 It's a small, it's a million dollar budget.

01:06:54.820 And I'm going to be shooting with Thomas Ian Nicholson.

01:07:00.240 Let me see.

01:07:01.460 Thomas, Thomas Ian, Nicholas.

01:07:06.340 Sorry.

01:07:06.940 Thomas Ian Nicholas.

01:07:08.440 And you can check him out and you'll remember him from a lot of films.

01:07:12.320 He was in that movie where they have the pitcher that breaks his arm.

01:07:16.720 And then he throws the arm in from the outfield.

01:07:19.340 And he throws it really fast.

01:07:21.120 And he gets a job working for the Los Angeles Dodgers.

01:07:25.120 So I'm going to be shooting a movie with him called Bitcoin.

01:07:30.040 And yeah, Thomas Ian Nicholas.

01:07:31.940 And I went to his film premiere the other night.

01:07:33.620 It was really, really great.

01:07:34.980 Super nice guy.

01:07:36.220 And I'm looking forward to that.

01:07:38.040 And he is the same age as me.

01:07:40.020 And we'll be shooting that in Albuquerque in May.

01:07:43.300 So that's pretty cool, man.

01:07:44.420 I'm excited about that opportunity to work with him.

01:07:48.900 You know, he was in that movie.

01:07:49.920 And I can't remember the name of that.

01:07:50.800 He's been in so many films.

01:07:52.860 And I'm not trying to pigeonhole him.

01:07:53.920 He was also in American Pie and the American Pie series.

01:07:57.540 But I don't watch a ton of films.

01:07:59.020 And that's what I remember him from.

01:08:00.560 But so, yeah, it should be cool.

01:08:01.800 You know, it should be cool to do that.

01:08:03.040 I'm looking forward to it. 0.99

01:08:04.800 Now, with movies in Hollywood, you know, shit don't always come to fruition. 0.96

01:08:08.820 But as of right now, it's all contracted out. 0.98

01:08:11.000 And we are ready to rock.

01:08:12.620 So looking forward to that.

01:08:15.400 All right, man.

01:08:16.040 Let's take one more call here.

01:08:17.180 And this is a good – this call, I already know what it's about.

01:08:22.020 And I just want to get some advice.

01:08:26.420 Let's see what he says.

01:08:27.320 Here we go.

01:08:28.360 Onward.

01:08:29.460 Hey, Theo.

01:08:30.480 This is James from Omaha, Nebraska.

01:08:33.020 And I'm calling because I've got a little bit of dark arts on my mind.

01:08:39.140 And I appreciate you calling, James.

01:08:40.900 And I've been in Omaha, dude. 0.71

01:08:42.060 And I've honestly masturbated outside of that city a couple times.

01:08:44.720 And I've actually – and I'll do an update real quick. 0.94

01:08:51.540 I've been struggling still with the adult masturbation. 0.98

01:08:54.680 Touching myself, not others. 0.97

01:08:56.640 And it's been – you know, I've been doing well.

01:08:59.940 And then last night I fell off. 0.99

01:09:01.760 You know, I fell off that jerk wagon. 0.99

01:09:03.840 But I'm trying to get back on it. 0.99

01:09:05.060 I'm not giving up.

01:09:06.300 And I just wanted to update and kind of come clean about that.

01:09:09.560 You know, and be out here where I am.

01:09:10.820 So, you know, but I appreciate you calling in here, James, with your dark arts issue.

01:09:16.220 Here we go.

01:09:16.740 Onward.

01:09:17.420 So, I'm 21 years old.

01:09:19.360 I have a girlfriend who I've been dating for about three years now.

01:09:25.320 Oh, wow.

01:09:26.120 So, that's that young love.

01:09:27.820 And that's beautiful, man.

01:09:28.760 If you're in young love, sometimes it's almost – that's the love that's dangerous.

01:09:34.220 People get murdered at that age in love, you know.

01:09:37.460 Onward.

01:09:38.120 It's a pretty serious relationship.

01:09:39.480 I just see myself being with her the rest of my life.

01:09:43.920 But –

01:09:44.560 Wow.

01:09:45.460 And you know what?

01:09:46.220 Good for you, man.

01:09:47.540 Because that's brave, dude.

01:09:49.820 You know, that's bravery, bro.

01:09:51.600 Onward.

01:09:52.320 You know, there's this thing on my mind where – you see, I lost my virginity to her.

01:09:57.820 I've never been sexually with another woman before.

01:10:01.540 Okay.

01:10:02.580 So, you – so, this is your lady.

01:10:05.040 That's your girl.

01:10:06.480 And y'all – that's called a golden – I think it's called a golden Oreo. 0.86

01:10:10.240 When you've only had sex with one person and y'all are going to – and y'all are – and you guys are together.

01:10:15.360 You know, and you guys are going to – when you're married to somebody and you only had sex with one person, I'm pretty sure it's called a golden Oreo.

01:10:21.820 Onward.

01:10:22.140 And the same is not – it's not the same for her.

01:10:25.840 She did not lose her virginity to me. 0.80

01:10:27.520 She hooked up with several guys before she met me.

01:10:31.020 Okay.

01:10:32.200 So, she's a little bit more of a nut or butter, you know?

01:10:35.560 And that's okay, man.

01:10:37.100 That's okay.

01:10:38.960 Onward.

01:10:39.320 And so, basically, you know, I don't know how I feel about potentially spending the rest of my life with this woman and, you know, not ever having sex with anybody else. 0.68

01:10:53.340 Part of me thinks I should be okay with this.

01:10:55.920 You know, that perfect 1-0 record is probably something a lot of guys wish they had.

01:10:59.940 But for me, it's just like, man, there's so much out there sexually, some of these sexual experiences that I feel like, man, I might be missing out on, you know?

01:11:11.020 Missing out on, you know?

01:11:12.980 And that's the end of the call.

01:11:15.040 Wow.

01:11:19.880 That's a big – that's a big issue.

01:11:22.380 Big question.

01:11:23.300 Not an issue.

01:11:24.080 Sorry.

01:11:24.460 That's a big question.

01:11:25.780 It's a big call, James, and I appreciate you calling.

01:11:29.940 You know, that – I was in your position when I was young, man.

01:11:36.140 When I went off to college, I was dating a girl, and she – and I'd lost my virginity to her outside of a bowling alley, actually.

01:11:42.800 You know, and people were throwing rocks at us and all kinds of shit, and it was a different time back then, and it was more of a rural time.

01:11:48.780 You know, there was more gravel. 0.94

01:11:51.120 But, you know, and I was jealous, and I couldn't get over the jealousy.

01:11:57.800 And it really had nothing to do with her.

01:12:00.900 That just had to do with me, you know?

01:12:03.720 And here's the thing.

01:12:04.660 Yeah.

01:12:05.740 You can get out there and experience more dating, more sexualness.

01:12:10.980 There's that opportunity, man.

01:12:12.220 That is out there.

01:12:13.560 That's out there for you if you want it.

01:12:16.260 But there's something nice.

01:12:18.740 If you love someone, that is hard to find again.

01:12:25.540 It's hard to find.

01:12:28.580 You know, and I believe that.

01:12:31.280 I believe that that is hard to find.

01:12:33.280 You can't just always fall in love.

01:12:35.780 You can date somebody and make a relationship, but you can't always fall in love.

01:12:42.680 Like, that's really the tough thing.

01:12:44.900 So I think you have to look at what you have.

01:12:48.200 Is the grass greener out there?

01:12:51.660 I don't know.

01:12:53.680 Now, I hope you're comparing things to pornography.

01:12:56.540 If you're doing that, you've got to hold that line, bucko.

01:12:59.800 Because the things that happen in pornography are not happening in regular people's sexual activity.

01:13:06.560 You know?

01:13:07.440 You see pornography and it's, you know, it's all that action.

01:13:13.920 And they got elbows and titties and, you know, people with, you know, freelance buttholes and all kinds of activity. 0.99

01:13:21.540 But in real life, dude, it's fucking awkward. 0.97

01:13:24.620 And, you know, somebody just had dinner and they had capers and they got a belch. 1.00

01:13:28.480 And it's fucking, you know, you had a Pepsi and there's dog shit in the corner of the room. 0.99

01:13:33.460 And, you know, there's a lot of other, there's the reality. 0.99

01:13:38.840 But, you know, what I think that, and I honestly do think that this is a question that other guys might have more experience with.

01:13:45.120 You know, if there's guys out there that have only ever, you know, been with their spouse.

01:13:49.280 If there's guys out there that, you know, were in love and had a love and left it.

01:13:53.620 And had an experience and do they regret it?

01:13:59.380 You know, I mean, I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life when it comes to sex.

01:14:03.780 I have not had a healthy sexual relationship with myself.

01:14:08.960 I haven't carried myself with a ton of integrity.

01:14:10.860 You know, to go back to one of our callers earlier talking about integrity, what Jason was talking about.

01:14:18.700 You know, this one's a tough one for me, man.

01:14:21.160 So I'm going to put this one out to our callers and I'll chime in on this one next week.

01:14:24.600 Because that's a real deal.

01:14:28.360 You know, that is a real deal when you're out there.

01:14:31.280 And, you know, I had a girl that I was in love with in high school.

01:14:36.540 And, you know, and I lost my virginity to her.

01:14:39.560 And I lost my virginity behind, you know, a bowling alley standing up. 0.99

01:14:43.300 And people were throwing rocks and all kinds of shit at us. 0.98

01:14:46.780 Very Gaza Strip, if you will. 0.97

01:14:48.380 And, but I remember being jealous that the, that this woman had had more partners than I had. 0.81

01:15:01.780 But it didn't have anything to do with her.

01:15:03.500 That was all on me.

01:15:05.280 So the jealousy, if you have jealousy, it's your thing.

01:15:08.100 Now, how do you handle that and deal with that at your age?

01:15:10.440 Who knows?

01:15:11.640 You know, I don't know.

01:15:12.860 I didn't handle it well.

01:15:14.360 I was angry at her.

01:15:15.920 I resented her.

01:15:17.280 But I had no tools for solving any emotional or relationship problems.

01:15:25.020 I had zero tools. 1.00

01:15:27.340 I was flight or fight or fuck. 0.99

01:15:30.140 I think maybe it might be the third one. 0.99

01:15:32.940 Or just, just fiddle.

01:15:35.420 And I would just kind of fiddle with my fingers. 0.99

01:15:37.660 And just be, you know, kind of loitering and be awkward and shit. 0.97

01:15:40.560 And I also hid outside of a girl's place one time and petted a cat out there in South Carolina. 0.96

01:15:45.240 You know, doing some light stalking.

01:15:48.520 You know, and I will apologize for that.

01:15:51.220 But, but let's put that one out to the callers, man.

01:15:53.880 We'll put that one out to the callers.

01:15:54.980 If you have some suggestions for James, 985-664-9503.

01:16:00.860 That is the hotline.

01:16:02.080 And I want to thank everybody that's been a part of the podcast that's been helping.

01:16:06.100 We got, we have, we do have exciting stuff happening for the next year.

01:16:08.600 Things are slowly going on.

01:16:11.000 And I'm just grateful to be here with you guys.

01:16:12.700 I'm going to go watch the end of the Super Bowl.

01:16:14.680 You know, I was going to watch and come back and talk to you guys again.

01:16:16.880 But, you know, I feel like we've had a good episode.

01:16:18.780 There's been a lot of information.

01:16:19.780 You know, you know, I feel like maybe, you know, and kind of coming full circle about aliens.

01:16:26.520 I feel like maybe we're, we're becoming aliens.

01:16:30.520 You know, maybe we're becoming aliens.

01:16:32.740 And I think that's why part of me wants to tell James just to stay in there and, and, and work it out with your lady.

01:16:39.900 You know, that's why part of me wants to say, you know, like, let's find, let's find a couple of options.

01:16:44.440 Or let's find a girl, at least a date for, for my boy, Mickey.

01:16:51.080 You know, because, man, we're letting love go.

01:16:55.920 We're giving up on it easy.

01:16:59.020 You know, we're giving up on it easy.

01:17:01.480 And it's not a fair, it's not fair for me to tell you that, James, really, because I haven't done that in my life.

01:17:08.180 But it doesn't mean always that because I haven't, it doesn't mean that I can't now.

01:17:14.440 You know, because it's tough.

01:17:16.700 I know it's tough for a lot of men out there, you know, to stay in love and to commit to love. 0.97

01:17:23.300 But damn, maybe that's our battle these days. 0.94

01:17:26.760 Because we're becoming, we are, we are becoming aliens and alien to the things that make us human. 0.99

01:17:37.800 Connection.

01:17:39.740 And I feel that I'm not accusing anybody of it.

01:17:42.220 I mean, I am, I am, I am, I am guilty.

01:17:47.860 As guilty as the rest, man.

01:17:49.880 We out there in these emo streets, man.

01:17:51.980 We out there in these love streets.

01:17:53.560 But we're not alone, bro.

01:17:54.780 Gang, gang, you feel me?

01:17:57.100 All right, man, I'll see you guys in Portland this week.

01:17:58.960 I'll have an episode up.

01:17:59.980 Ooh, Thursday, I'm going out of town.

01:18:02.240 I'll have an episode up Thursday.

01:18:03.800 We'll follow up and put these calls out to James.

01:18:06.100 And you guys, be good to yourselves.

01:18:10.220 You know what I'm saying?

01:18:12.800 You know, you probably deserve it.

01:18:16.420 And if you don't, we'll start asking ourselves, how can I deserve more?

01:18:21.400 And how can I have a little bit more integrity?

01:18:23.000 Because that's something that we can all gain.

01:18:25.460 And thank you guys for the calls.

01:18:26.580 Thank everybody.

01:18:27.780 You guys be good to yourselves, man.

01:18:29.020 I'll talk to you soon.

01:18:29.660 I'll talk to you soon. 0.94

01:18:59.660 Let's have some fun while we all die.

01:19:04.440 Celebrate dark days. 0.95

01:19:07.880 Celebrate all your pain.

01:19:12.520 All of your demons exercised. 0.99

01:19:19.260 Let's have some fun while we all die.

01:19:24.440 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club,

01:19:28.240 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events,

01:19:32.280 stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:19:36.000 The answer may shock you.

01:19:37.740 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:19:39.780 Sometimes I won't.

01:19:41.300 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:19:44.400 You have three new voice messages.

01:19:47.020 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:19:50.320 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

01:19:53.000 Longer than anybody else.

01:19:54.660 So great.

01:19:55.980 Hi.

01:19:56.620 Swee-ah. 0.97

01:19:57.640 Here's a deal. 1.00

01:19:58.920 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00

01:20:02.900 Jermaine. 0.99

01:20:03.480 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:20:07.980 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:20:10.060 Oh, no.

01:20:12.340 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:20:14.780 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:20:18.940 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:20:23.180 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts,

01:20:26.800 or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:20:28.980 And yes, don't worry.

01:20:30.020 My Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - February 05, 2018

2-5-18 ｜ This Past Weekend #72

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