This Past Weekend with Theo Von - 64 Colors

00:00:00.000 Hey there, I will be, uh, the Dark Arts Tour coming to West Siloam Springs, Oklahoma at Cherokee Casino.

00:00:10.300 That's June 9th. June 15th and 16th, Yuck Yucks, Calgary, Calgary, Alberta.

00:00:16.360 And that's in Canada, our friends, our northern friends.

00:00:20.480 23rd of June, Timbler Brewing, Bakersfield, California.

00:00:25.160 And Bakersfield, boy, anything can happen out there.

00:00:27.620 You might go missing, you might start a family, you might find gold, baby, that's Bakersfield.

00:00:33.680 July 6th through 8th, Levity Live, and that's in Oxnard, California.

00:00:38.700 July 20th through 22nd, Charlie Goodnight's Raleigh, North Carolina.

00:00:43.280 August 16th through 18th, The Laugh Factory in Chicago, Illinois.

00:00:47.980 You've been asking, and I'm excited to come back there to the state that my mother was born in.

00:00:52.660 August 23rd to August 25th, Helium Comedy Club in Buffalo, New York.

00:00:58.440 And if they don't have the tickets up for sale, then hit them up and ask them why.

00:01:02.080 September 14th and 15th, that's Zaney's in Nashville, Tennessee.

00:01:06.300 Some more dates will be added.

00:01:08.820 And, um, and I'm just grateful to be getting out there and having people come, man.

00:01:13.420 It's going to be fun, and we're going to do some cool stuff.

00:01:16.200 We're also going to start doing some outreach where we're going to do some things for single moms in some of these cities.

00:01:22.280 So whenever we go into a city and do a show or a weekend of shows, we're going to have people in advance.

00:01:29.000 Listeners can submit single mothers that they know.

00:01:32.140 And we're going to get the mother a babysitter, her babysitter, you know, so she has somebody that she trusts.

00:01:37.900 And we're going to, you know, take care of her and a friend, take them out to dinner, um, and then get them a nice setup at the show.

00:01:45.620 You know, a nice second or third row seat and just, uh, make it so a nice single mom can come out and enjoy an evening and know that her children are being taken care of.

00:01:55.720 Um, I think that's going to be really, really cool.

00:01:58.340 And I want to thank our Patreon supporters because that's what our Patreon money is, uh, is going to start going towards is paying for things like that.

00:02:05.620 So really excited about that and, um, just, man, it's going to be cool.

00:02:11.540 This is so cool.

00:02:12.240 It's like a fun, this is going to be a fun fall.

00:02:14.760 Uh, we're also going to do one other show in, um, rural Illinois.

00:02:19.960 Uh, and it's a fundraiser for the Paramount Theater and that's in Wyoming, Illinois.

00:02:24.180 Uh, those dates will be up this week as well.

00:02:26.380 And that's going to be June 29th of Friday, 6 p.m. and 8 p.m.

00:02:30.860 That's in Stark County, Illinois, and that's middle of nowhere, boy.

00:02:34.500 And, uh, and that's where I'm from.

00:02:36.760 Not there originally, but I'm from middle of nowhere, just a different one down in Louisiana.

00:02:42.540 This episode, as always, is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.

00:02:46.180 Gray Block, 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles.

00:02:49.440 They got that food and they got that feeling.

00:02:52.060 And all you need is your face.

00:02:54.420 Gray Block Pizza, get that hitter.

00:02:56.800 Dude, I hate to use this music again to start off our show, but I also love to use it again.

00:03:01.040 And this is, uh, Shine by Bishop Gunn.

00:03:07.600 I just needed this today.

00:03:15.380 Come on now.

00:03:16.560 I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home.

00:03:30.120 And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.

00:03:38.060 Now I'm just floating on the breeze.

00:03:44.440 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

00:03:47.420 I must be cornerstone.

00:03:50.460 Must be cornerstone.

00:03:52.620 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.

00:03:57.480 I found I can feel it in my bones.

00:04:01.200 I can feel it, baby.

00:04:02.420 Can you feel that?

00:04:03.020 It's gonna take a little time.

00:04:08.060 For me to set that parking brake.

00:04:11.600 And let myself shine.

00:04:12.780 Come on now.

00:04:14.580 Shine that light on me.

00:04:18.200 Come on now.

00:04:20.240 I'll sit and tell you my story.

00:04:23.780 Yeah.

00:04:25.180 Shine on me.

00:04:28.480 And I will find a song.

00:04:33.060 I will sing it just for you.

00:04:36.400 And that is Shine by Bishop Gunn off of the new album, Natchez.

00:04:43.860 And that's out of Natchez, Mississippi.

00:04:45.720 And I used to work my...

00:04:48.320 A lot of you guys already know it.

00:04:49.320 I'll say it one more time.

00:04:50.280 One of my good friends who passed away, died of addiction.

00:04:53.280 And he employed me to work on his farm for a few years.

00:04:59.120 And I became good friends with his family right after college.

00:05:01.960 And one of his sons is now the drummer in that beautiful band called Bishop Gunn.

00:05:07.920 And that's their single that's hitting the airwaves, man.

00:05:10.660 It's called Shine.

00:05:12.960 And yeah, that just...

00:05:15.520 You know, it makes me feel good when I hear that song.

00:05:17.720 And so I had to start off with that.

00:05:20.040 Thanks for coming in.

00:05:22.140 And welcome to you, whoever you are.

00:05:24.980 Whoever you're...

00:05:25.400 If you're listening, you got your ears open.

00:05:27.600 And you're sharing a moment of your time with me.

00:05:30.960 Man, I...

00:05:31.560 You know, I...

00:05:32.980 What's going on?

00:05:34.000 A lot of stuff is going on.

00:05:36.120 You know, we had...

00:05:37.440 You know, I got to go on Joe Rogan this week.

00:05:39.920 We went on Joe Rogan.

00:05:42.360 And Joe Rogan's...

00:05:45.820 You know, it's...

00:05:47.900 I was nervous, first of all.

00:05:50.980 You know, I was nervous because I look up to Joe so much.

00:05:55.320 You know, and for some reason with me, I think when I look up to somebody,

00:06:00.260 for some reason it makes me kind of nervous.

00:06:05.300 And, you know, I guess, well, you want to...

00:06:07.660 I don't know.

00:06:08.400 It's like when you're hanging out...

00:06:09.740 You know what it feels like to me a little bit.

00:06:11.420 It's like you're hanging out with your big brother and his friends.

00:06:14.560 And you're like, you want to...

00:06:15.880 You know, you're just...

00:06:17.660 I don't know.

00:06:18.780 I was just nervous.

00:06:21.780 But it was wild, man.

00:06:23.280 And right off the bat, Joe starts talking to me.

00:06:25.620 And I love Joe.

00:06:27.080 You know, I'm extremely grateful to him.

00:06:30.620 You know, he's done a lot of nice things,

00:06:32.280 small things that were really nice for me,

00:06:34.420 like out of...

00:06:35.740 Like he would just see me do comedy.

00:06:37.900 And I've said this before,

00:06:38.720 but he would just drop me a text a couple days later,

00:06:40.900 the next day,

00:06:41.720 and just say,

00:06:42.640 hey, man, you had a really good set.

00:06:45.500 You know, and...

00:06:46.780 And that kind of stuff,

00:06:49.160 like you don't realize sometimes,

00:06:50.480 like somebody that you admire,

00:06:51.960 like, you know,

00:06:53.960 telling you something...

00:06:55.060 Sharing something positive,

00:06:56.740 supporting what you do,

00:06:57.780 you don't realize how much that means to that person.

00:07:00.880 And he doesn't, you know,

00:07:02.100 I don't think he,

00:07:03.780 you know,

00:07:04.700 he doesn't probably realize it.

00:07:07.340 But it's like,

00:07:07.960 I would get those texts,

00:07:08.960 and I'm like, wow, man.

00:07:11.320 You know, it's like your big...

00:07:12.560 It's like,

00:07:13.820 I don't know.

00:07:14.480 It's just like you're all...

00:07:15.140 It's like impressing your brother,

00:07:16.400 impressing...

00:07:17.840 I don't know.

00:07:19.080 You know,

00:07:19.360 and that kind of stuff really just has resonated with me

00:07:22.060 over the years.

00:07:22.740 He's done that.

00:07:24.260 And Joey Diaz does that as well.

00:07:26.180 He'll call you.

00:07:26.980 But Joe would do that sometimes

00:07:29.320 and just hit me up and say,

00:07:30.520 hey, man,

00:07:30.700 you were really funny last night.

00:07:33.080 And, you know,

00:07:33.460 coming from,

00:07:34.580 you know,

00:07:35.080 my life and all I wanted to do probably was,

00:07:38.400 you know,

00:07:39.040 make...

00:07:39.980 make people I admired,

00:07:45.180 you know,

00:07:45.580 make them feel like...

00:07:48.040 or make them feel like I was part of...

00:07:50.620 like I was okay.

00:07:52.660 You know,

00:07:53.120 and maybe something that goes back to,

00:07:54.460 like,

00:07:54.580 father and brother,

00:07:56.040 you know,

00:07:56.280 not being present growing up and all of that.

00:07:58.600 But,

00:07:59.460 you know,

00:07:59.800 just when you have a...

00:08:00.720 you know,

00:08:01.080 when you have a male figure in it,

00:08:02.960 you know,

00:08:03.220 just that support.

00:08:05.000 Support.

00:08:05.480 That's really what it is.

00:08:07.200 Joe's been so supportive.

00:08:08.500 And so,

00:08:09.860 you know,

00:08:10.300 anyway,

00:08:10.660 but,

00:08:10.900 you know,

00:08:11.080 I was excited to be in there

00:08:12.340 and I was excited to get to hang out with him

00:08:14.300 because he thinks like wild.

00:08:18.280 You know,

00:08:18.500 he's like...

00:08:19.080 he thinks like he's got...

00:08:21.040 you know,

00:08:21.360 it's like...

00:08:21.860 I think he has more than one brain in his head.

00:08:24.940 You know,

00:08:25.100 Joe Rogan might have five or six brains in there

00:08:27.540 and one of the brains is probably a rat,

00:08:29.800 you know,

00:08:30.200 and then he's...

00:08:30.720 but he might have other brains orbiting around brains.

00:08:33.540 You know,

00:08:34.060 he might have one brain that's...

00:08:36.100 you know,

00:08:37.080 he might have brains in the distance,

00:08:38.920 you know,

00:08:39.160 cooking elk.

00:08:40.000 I mean,

00:08:40.220 he's got...

00:08:41.700 you know,

00:08:42.040 he just...

00:08:43.100 he continues to kind of like expand his way of thinking.

00:08:46.780 And so right in the beginning,

00:08:47.940 he was talking about

00:08:49.260 infinite...

00:08:51.440 an infinite...

00:08:52.440 if there were infinite universes

00:08:54.020 and if there were more than just one of you.

00:08:58.320 And I...

00:08:58.960 I couldn't even...

00:09:00.000 I was so nervous,

00:09:00.780 kind of like...

00:09:01.120 I was just...

00:09:01.900 couldn't even think really that good

00:09:03.720 and...

00:09:04.240 but then now I'm thinking...

00:09:05.560 after that,

00:09:06.240 I texted him the next day

00:09:07.000 and I was like,

00:09:07.420 man,

00:09:07.800 I'm obsessed now with wondering

00:09:10.340 if there are infinite universes,

00:09:13.120 so many so...

00:09:14.000 this is what he was saying.

00:09:15.680 If so many infinite universes

00:09:16.940 that if you...

00:09:17.760 there would be a possibility for you

00:09:19.940 to meet your exact self.

00:09:24.680 Like,

00:09:25.220 you know,

00:09:25.620 say the two universes

00:09:27.000 get close enough to each other somehow

00:09:28.740 in orbits or whatever

00:09:29.880 and then you...

00:09:31.260 you know,

00:09:31.660 there's...

00:09:32.340 you know,

00:09:32.960 programs,

00:09:33.620 you're both astronauts or something

00:09:34.880 and you meet...

00:09:35.680 like,

00:09:35.960 if you were able to meet your exact self,

00:09:38.560 think about that.

00:09:39.180 If you were able to meet your exact self...

00:09:42.180 and I was just like...

00:09:44.820 I left there thinking,

00:09:45.980 would I like myself?

00:09:48.940 Like,

00:09:49.240 if I had to...

00:09:49.780 if I met me...

00:09:52.600 like,

00:09:53.180 would I like me?

00:09:56.140 What would I do?

00:09:56.900 What would I think?

00:09:57.580 Would I think I was neat?

00:09:59.560 You know,

00:09:59.880 would I think I was tall?

00:10:01.520 Would I think that I was handsome?

00:10:04.060 You know,

00:10:04.320 would I think that I...

00:10:06.740 I mean,

00:10:07.540 would I know...

00:10:09.060 if I were able to look into my own eyes,

00:10:11.000 would I be able to, like,

00:10:11.920 see my truths

00:10:12.900 at, like,

00:10:13.320 another...

00:10:14.260 like,

00:10:15.740 another dimension?

00:10:18.500 You know,

00:10:18.980 especially since most of my life,

00:10:21.000 you know,

00:10:21.200 especially growing up,

00:10:22.160 like,

00:10:22.340 I didn't have any...

00:10:23.100 a lot of self-worth,

00:10:24.000 so I was...

00:10:24.820 most of my self-worth

00:10:25.740 would come from what other people

00:10:26.980 thought of me.

00:10:29.060 You know,

00:10:29.540 there was no...

00:10:30.940 you know,

00:10:32.160 there was nothing inside of me,

00:10:35.120 so everything that I knew

00:10:36.400 I had to get from the outside.

00:10:37.740 And so I was so hyper-aware

00:10:41.180 of what other people

00:10:41.980 were constantly thinking

00:10:43.080 because I needed to be

00:10:45.180 because I needed that next second

00:10:46.740 and that next minute

00:10:47.780 and that next,

00:10:49.260 you know,

00:10:49.700 just to know...

00:10:50.440 I was monitoring

00:10:51.440 how I was

00:10:53.520 and if I was okay

00:10:54.780 through

00:10:55.220 moment-to-moment interaction

00:10:57.720 with others.

00:10:59.880 And what they would give me back,

00:11:01.440 that's how I feel about myself.

00:11:03.340 I was thinking, like,

00:11:04.180 if I based my feelings

00:11:05.940 off of what other people

00:11:07.360 thought of me

00:11:08.020 and I saw myself,

00:11:12.200 would I then,

00:11:12.960 like,

00:11:13.120 looking into my own eyes,

00:11:14.500 would I be able to,

00:11:15.940 you know,

00:11:16.920 just come full circle

00:11:18.380 with what self-worth means

00:11:21.180 and what it...

00:11:23.620 you know,

00:11:24.260 and just, like,

00:11:25.340 get to another plateau

00:11:27.000 in thinking about that.

00:11:28.740 But it just fascinated me.

00:11:30.340 I left out of there

00:11:30.960 thinking, like,

00:11:31.440 what the fuck?

00:11:33.260 I never thought about

00:11:34.260 running into myself.

00:11:35.660 Would I think I had bad breath?

00:11:38.100 You know,

00:11:38.420 would I think I had,

00:11:39.160 like, a long neck

00:11:40.080 or a regular neck

00:11:41.080 or, you know,

00:11:42.000 kind of a,

00:11:42.760 you know,

00:11:44.140 a four out of ten,

00:11:45.300 kind of a mid-range,

00:11:46.500 lower,

00:11:47.040 you know,

00:11:47.580 lower mid-range neck,

00:11:48.980 medium rare?

00:11:51.100 Because I've all,

00:11:51.800 you know,

00:11:52.020 I've had,

00:11:52.420 you know,

00:11:52.620 I don't have a super long neck

00:11:54.160 and I don't think

00:11:56.320 a lot of people in my family

00:11:57.380 were not real look-arounders.

00:11:59.360 Some people have a long neck.

00:12:01.540 You know,

00:12:01.740 when you see those people,

00:12:02.500 they're looking for stuff

00:12:03.560 and they can,

00:12:04.460 you know,

00:12:04.720 look behind the sofa easier

00:12:06.840 and they don't lose their wallet

00:12:08.180 probably as much

00:12:09.140 because they,

00:12:10.020 you know,

00:12:10.780 they got that extra two inches

00:12:12.160 to look

00:12:13.740 and to gaze.

00:12:15.900 You know,

00:12:16.220 they can see fruit easier

00:12:17.500 if they're looking for fruits.

00:12:20.000 But when you have that limited neck,

00:12:21.920 man,

00:12:22.060 you kind of,

00:12:22.660 you know,

00:12:23.240 you're stuck on your own little bitty,

00:12:25.560 you know,

00:12:25.840 it's not really a hilltop.

00:12:27.060 You're just kind of stuck on,

00:12:28.640 you know,

00:12:29.020 you're kind of just hanging out

00:12:30.160 on your own cliffside.

00:12:31.660 You can't do a lot

00:12:32.500 when you got that limited,

00:12:33.640 kind of that limited neck.

00:12:35.160 And I come from a long line

00:12:36.300 of people with limited necks.

00:12:39.180 But yeah,

00:12:39.740 I was just wondering

00:12:40.240 if you saw yourself

00:12:41.180 and you looked in your own eyes,

00:12:42.480 would you,

00:12:43.660 I don't know,

00:12:44.780 would we,

00:12:45.120 I mean,

00:12:45.400 would your just whole world explode?

00:12:47.160 Like,

00:12:47.300 would you just know everything?

00:12:49.960 Would I like myself?

00:12:51.280 Would I like,

00:12:52.820 it just blew my mind

00:12:54.020 if there were infinite universes

00:12:55.220 and

00:12:56.520 it just blew my mind,

00:13:00.280 man.

00:13:00.460 So I left out of there,

00:13:01.300 I think,

00:13:01.480 with a little bit more thinking,

00:13:03.540 you know,

00:13:03.880 and I think that that's kind of

00:13:04.780 what Joe Rogan does for me

00:13:06.140 is he makes me think

00:13:07.900 a little bit more

00:13:08.640 and he makes me think

00:13:09.640 sometimes on uncomfortable things.

00:13:12.960 You know,

00:13:13.420 he makes me think outside of like

00:13:15.100 the confines of,

00:13:17.080 the comfortable confines

00:13:18.620 of things that,

00:13:19.860 you know,

00:13:20.180 these templates

00:13:21.680 that I was raised in

00:13:22.840 or raised around

00:13:24.140 or just that I saw.

00:13:26.020 You know,

00:13:26.420 it's kind of like

00:13:26.960 when you see,

00:13:27.640 remember when you got that,

00:13:28.600 you got them colors

00:13:29.480 when you were a child

00:13:30.260 and your mother took you

00:13:31.020 to the color shop

00:13:32.020 and you got that eight box.

00:13:34.480 You got that box

00:13:35.380 of eight hitters,

00:13:36.140 you know,

00:13:36.440 that,

00:13:36.760 you know,

00:13:37.540 just that little fucking,

00:13:39.380 that Roy G. Biff fiasco.

00:13:41.640 You know,

00:13:41.980 you got that little eight pack,

00:13:44.420 that eight ball,

00:13:46.320 you know,

00:13:46.560 you got that eight ball

00:13:47.560 and suddenly,

00:13:50.780 some dude shows up

00:13:52.040 with that six to four box

00:13:54.400 and your fucking

00:13:57.060 dick blew out of your ears.

00:13:59.460 Remember that?

00:14:01.820 Dude,

00:14:02.380 I remember my nuts

00:14:03.560 traveled up my body

00:14:04.620 and looked out of my eye holes

00:14:06.720 because I was just,

00:14:09.840 I was just shook

00:14:12.220 by the fact that some man

00:14:13.840 suddenly had

00:14:15.420 56 more colors

00:14:19.680 than I had.

00:14:20.860 Some boy,

00:14:21.640 I mean,

00:14:21.900 not a man.

00:14:22.520 They didn't have any men

00:14:23.160 in our class,

00:14:24.160 you know,

00:14:24.440 in disguise or anything.

00:14:26.360 But that some boy,

00:14:27.640 and it blew my mind

00:14:28.500 and suddenly

00:14:29.120 you were doing

00:14:30.740 different pictures

00:14:31.440 and you were thinking

00:14:32.020 different things

00:14:32.740 and you were like,

00:14:34.000 fuck magenta?

00:14:34.940 I'm out here

00:14:36.740 on magenta?

00:14:39.080 And then,

00:14:39.660 and then,

00:14:40.140 and then everything changed

00:14:41.580 because then I would see a,

00:14:43.220 you know,

00:14:43.440 maybe I would see a,

00:14:44.420 somebody's shirt or hat

00:14:45.620 or a,

00:14:46.180 you know,

00:14:46.320 I would see a woman's hat

00:14:47.380 at church

00:14:47.840 and be like,

00:14:48.180 oh,

00:14:48.260 that's a magenta hat.

00:14:49.980 And suddenly,

00:14:50.980 you know,

00:14:51.540 you have more elements

00:14:52.720 to put out

00:14:54.220 into your template,

00:14:55.400 to put out

00:14:56.020 into your world.

00:14:57.040 And that's kind of,

00:14:58.020 I think,

00:14:58.940 you know,

00:14:59.240 that's kind of what I left

00:15:00.020 out of Joe Rogan's

00:15:00.980 podcast thinking.

00:15:03.540 I left out of there

00:15:04.420 actually just thinking.

00:15:06.420 You know,

00:15:06.840 he makes me think

00:15:07.540 and I think he makes

00:15:08.160 a lot of,

00:15:09.100 you know,

00:15:09.680 young men and women think.

00:15:11.780 You know,

00:15:12.260 he's kind of this dope ass

00:15:13.520 outer space male,

00:15:15.380 you know,

00:15:16.380 marine,

00:15:17.820 uh,

00:15:18.420 kind of not,

00:15:20.100 he's just everything.

00:15:21.800 I don't know what he is,

00:15:23.120 man.

00:15:23.840 It's almost like

00:15:24.600 if you took a whole timeline

00:15:25.900 of existence

00:15:26.720 and just took it like that

00:15:28.900 and put it all

00:15:29.820 in a one person.

00:15:32.420 It's like the past

00:15:33.640 and,

00:15:34.460 you know,

00:15:34.700 in the future

00:15:35.480 and everything.

00:15:36.620 And he's probably got moons.

00:15:38.300 I bet,

00:15:38.860 dude,

00:15:39.020 I bet he has moons

00:15:39.960 going around him.

00:15:40.760 I bet there's a moon

00:15:41.600 way off in the distance

00:15:42.680 that we don't even know about

00:15:43.920 that's just that,

00:15:45.780 you know,

00:15:47.160 just that Rogan,

00:15:48.420 that Rogan moon.

00:15:50.940 But it was an honor,

00:15:51.880 man.

00:15:52.000 It's an honor to go in there.

00:15:53.460 You know,

00:15:53.740 it's just an honor,

00:15:54.940 you know,

00:15:55.440 like,

00:15:55.960 uh,

00:15:57.520 I don't know.

00:15:58.200 It may,

00:15:59.060 and it made me feel,

00:15:59.900 you know,

00:16:00.020 I just felt like accepted,

00:16:01.940 you know,

00:16:02.220 like he made me feel accepted,

00:16:03.640 which,

00:16:04.000 uh,

00:16:05.160 for me is like a really big thing,

00:16:06.860 you know,

00:16:07.180 like,

00:16:07.660 um,

00:16:09.200 you know,

00:16:09.500 like I think a lot of my life,

00:16:10.680 I don't feel that way.

00:16:12.880 Um,

00:16:13.520 and so to go in and,

00:16:16.920 and I don't,

00:16:17.720 I don't even think these are things

00:16:19.040 that he's,

00:16:19.680 you know,

00:16:20.300 outwardly doing like on purpose.

00:16:21.740 I think some of it's just his nature.

00:16:24.340 Uh,

00:16:25.120 you know,

00:16:26.660 I think in some ways he's like a little bit

00:16:28.320 of like that big brother that like,

00:16:29.820 you know,

00:16:30.920 you know,

00:16:31.480 I had my brother,

00:16:32.300 but my brother,

00:16:33.020 you know,

00:16:33.300 didn't live with us.

00:16:34.240 And like,

00:16:35.820 you know,

00:16:36.320 and he,

00:16:37.220 you know,

00:16:37.940 and he's had some,

00:16:39.200 you know,

00:16:40.060 he's had some tough times,

00:16:41.360 even though I,

00:16:42.040 you know,

00:16:42.280 I really love my brother and I'm,

00:16:44.120 you know,

00:16:44.260 I don't think I've ever been prouder of anybody

00:16:46.300 in my whole life than him.

00:16:47.660 But,

00:16:48.120 uh,

00:16:48.360 anyway,

00:16:48.860 damn boy,

00:16:49.840 this shit got me gleeking out my eyeballs,

00:16:52.460 dude.

00:16:53.020 You know what I'm saying?

00:16:53.900 I'm fucking making salt water,

00:16:55.360 dude.

00:16:56.400 I'm a damn,

00:16:57.160 I'm like a sixth grade science experiment.

00:16:59.280 Is it?

00:17:01.820 But yeah,

00:17:03.040 I don't know.

00:17:03.360 He just made me feel accepted and just,

00:17:05.200 you know,

00:17:05.640 I don't know,

00:17:06.860 but I'm just grateful,

00:17:07.860 man.

00:17:08.040 You know,

00:17:08.260 I'm just grateful to be in an environment where I feel inspired.

00:17:12.180 You know,

00:17:12.600 I get to go on some of these other podcasts,

00:17:14.160 fighter in the kid.

00:17:14.980 And those guys make me laugh,

00:17:16.520 man.

00:17:17.640 You know,

00:17:18.080 and they make you laugh.

00:17:19.180 I know it.

00:17:19.700 Cause I get out on the road and I see these,

00:17:21.480 you know,

00:17:21.780 I see a fighter in the kid listeners and I'm a fighter in the kid

00:17:24.780 listeners.

00:17:25.080 So I know it's like,

00:17:26.160 there's just this wild,

00:17:28.940 we're part of their party.

00:17:32.460 You know,

00:17:32.980 we're part of their party.

00:17:34.100 And I guess,

00:17:35.060 um,

00:17:35.900 I'm just grateful to just be,

00:17:38.500 you know,

00:17:39.600 just,

00:17:40.240 just to,

00:17:41.160 I guess,

00:17:41.560 I don't know.

00:17:43.120 I'm just grateful,

00:17:43.880 I guess,

00:17:44.040 to feel accepted.

00:17:44.980 So,

00:17:45.160 and maybe,

00:17:46.900 you know,

00:17:47.080 that shouldn't matter to me.

00:17:48.860 And I don't,

00:17:49.480 I don't know if it matters.

00:17:50.780 It's not a thing like it,

00:17:52.160 like I walk around thinking like those guys didn't accept me ever,

00:17:55.100 but I don't know.

00:17:58.940 I just,

00:17:59.880 and it's,

00:18:00.380 it's just something that I feel.

00:18:02.380 So anyway,

00:18:04.020 man,

00:18:04.200 I mean,

00:18:04.300 there was a lot more to spending time over at Rogan's and it,

00:18:06.900 you know,

00:18:07.040 the conversation was kind of all over and he thinks it's so fast and it's

00:18:10.240 hard for me to,

00:18:11.540 you know,

00:18:11.840 he's got that,

00:18:12.840 he's got Lance Armstrong in his blood.

00:18:16.240 So that dude's out there.

00:18:17.500 He's in outer space.

00:18:18.280 He's walking on the moon.

00:18:19.740 You know,

00:18:20.240 he's juggling,

00:18:21.020 he's playing saxophone.

00:18:22.260 I mean,

00:18:22.480 he's got all kinds of things going on inside of him.

00:18:25.120 And,

00:18:25.400 um,

00:18:27.300 uh,

00:18:27.760 but it was fun,

00:18:28.620 man.

00:18:28.760 It was exciting and it was fun.

00:18:30.180 And so if you wonder what it's like to kind of go in,

00:18:32.720 cause I get a lot of messages like Theo,

00:18:34.600 what's it like to go to Joe Rogan's and you know,

00:18:37.240 is it like a,

00:18:37.980 is it underground?

00:18:39.040 Somebody asked me if it's underground,

00:18:40.740 like it's a bunker.

00:18:42.740 Uh,

00:18:43.140 and that made me laugh so hard,

00:18:44.580 man.

00:18:45.080 Um,

00:18:46.260 no,

00:18:46.620 actually it's in a blimp.

00:18:47.640 It is,

00:18:48.380 uh,

00:18:48.760 we leave the earth and we go out there and Eddie Bravo is the driver and we

00:18:55.240 just travel around.

00:18:56.760 And so that way you get a firsthand look at some of the things that,

00:19:00.680 um,

00:19:01.760 you know,

00:19:02.280 some of the,

00:19:03.640 you know,

00:19:04.500 some of the things that Joe was talking about,

00:19:06.600 but yeah,

00:19:08.020 man,

00:19:08.180 I just had a blast and I,

00:19:09.540 and I know that a lot of,

00:19:10.840 you know,

00:19:11.200 people that are,

00:19:12.280 you know,

00:19:12.660 fans of mine and friends of mine and just being able to listen to me,

00:19:16.520 talk to somebody that we all,

00:19:17.880 uh,

00:19:18.760 admire like Joe.

00:19:20.680 Um,

00:19:21.520 I just know it was fun for a lot of us.

00:19:23.800 Uh,

00:19:24.120 so I was just glad to be,

00:19:25.980 I was just glad to be there.

00:19:28.560 What else?

00:19:29.520 Um,

00:19:30.540 what else is going on?

00:19:31.760 Sorry,

00:19:32.140 dude,

00:19:32.260 I got on these,

00:19:32.900 you know,

00:19:33.060 I started dripping out the face,

00:19:34.520 you know,

00:19:35.900 so that's happens,

00:19:36.920 whatever that's life,

00:19:38.260 dude.

00:19:39.020 That's life.

00:19:39.560 Well,

00:19:39.640 whatever was inside me,

00:19:40.600 I'm glad it's not in me anymore,

00:19:41.960 bruh.

00:19:42.340 Get out,

00:19:43.820 you know,

00:19:44.220 get out of me.

00:19:44.900 If you got to come out my eyes,

00:19:46.040 you must be something wild.

00:19:48.060 That's what I think about,

00:19:49.260 you know,

00:19:49.740 emotions and stuff.

00:19:51.700 Cause there's a lot of ways to get out of my body.

00:19:54.360 You know,

00:19:54.800 you come out my eyes,

00:19:56.240 come out my mouth ears,

00:19:58.580 but if you,

00:19:59.360 there must be something,

00:20:01.180 there must be something special about emotions.

00:20:03.780 If the way that they have to get out of your body is they have to crawl out of your eyes via water and salt.

00:20:16.160 Which are the two,

00:20:17.160 which I think look,

00:20:18.320 bottom line,

00:20:18.980 water,

00:20:19.360 salt,

00:20:19.740 sunlight.

00:20:21.320 That's what,

00:20:22.040 that's what it all is out here.

00:20:24.360 That's what we all,

00:20:25.260 that's the bottom line.

00:20:27.060 If you crack me open with a baseball bat or if a couple of Vietnamese dudes kick me open,

00:20:33.140 I bet that at the end of it all,

00:20:34.940 that you break me all the way down and I'm just water and salt and sunlight.

00:20:41.160 I bet we all are,

00:20:42.760 but that must be something,

00:20:43.860 there must be something special about emotion.

00:20:46.580 If the way that it gets out of you,

00:20:49.420 think about,

00:20:50.080 do you have pores all over your body?

00:20:53.120 Whatever those feelings are,

00:20:54.360 when you feel something and it emotes out of your eyeballs via salt water.

00:21:02.160 I mean,

00:21:02.780 that's the dark arts right there.

00:21:04.160 It's a beautiful dark art,

00:21:05.380 but that dying,

00:21:07.020 that is a dark art.

00:21:09.740 Think,

00:21:10.000 I'm thinking,

00:21:10.880 it has to,

00:21:12.200 dude,

00:21:12.540 it could come out of any of your pores,

00:21:14.100 ears,

00:21:14.620 eyes,

00:21:15.140 butt,

00:21:15.600 wiener.

00:21:16.500 What if you cried out of your wiener?

00:21:19.300 Imagine that,

00:21:20.240 dude.

00:21:21.300 Imagine,

00:21:21.820 dude,

00:21:22.020 some kid,

00:21:22.620 he's just all pissed and his dad's about to come whoop him because he stole

00:21:26.460 something,

00:21:26.940 you know,

00:21:27.120 maybe he stole a couple of,

00:21:28.540 you know,

00:21:29.220 extra,

00:21:29.760 you know,

00:21:30.380 cuts of cabbage or something.

00:21:31.700 They were doing cabbage soup and he snuck up by the cutting board and just

00:21:35.080 grabbed two little cuts of cabbage and ran off to his room and just

00:21:38.340 fucking,

00:21:38.820 you know,

00:21:39.300 rabbit face those bitches into his belly.

00:21:41.540 And now his daddy's pissed and he knows his daddy's about to whoop him.

00:21:46.540 And he's just sitting there and he's got to cry.

00:21:50.140 But how he does it,

00:21:51.100 he just breaks his wiener out and just straight up,

00:21:54.140 just,

00:21:54.760 just tears up right out into a beautiful stream.

00:21:58.680 Just a beautiful stream of sadness flying out of his wiener right out the

00:22:01.760 window.

00:22:03.360 I mean,

00:22:03.760 could you imagine?

00:22:04.620 But that's not how it works.

00:22:06.720 You don't feel sad.

00:22:07.860 And then,

00:22:08.100 you know,

00:22:08.800 and then tears come out of your butt.

00:22:11.400 That's not how it works.

00:22:13.560 There's something that happens inside of you when you feel something

00:22:16.200 emotional where it climbs up out of your chest through your throat and

00:22:21.900 comes out your fucking the potholes to your soul,

00:22:27.100 baby.

00:22:29.020 It's pretty powerful,

00:22:30.180 man.

00:22:30.440 It's powerful stuff.

00:22:32.560 So,

00:22:33.080 and I know I get into my feelings sometimes,

00:22:34.780 dude,

00:22:34.860 I just didn't have them a lot growing up and I think I'm just kind of

00:22:37.180 grateful to have some of them now.

00:22:38.620 But thank you guys so much for being here with me,

00:22:40.840 man.

00:22:40.900 And thanks for anybody that checked out the,

00:22:42.700 you know,

00:22:42.940 being on there with Joe Rogan.

00:22:46.460 Man,

00:22:46.820 I just can't,

00:22:47.420 you know,

00:22:47.640 it's just fun.

00:22:48.340 I just,

00:22:50.080 you know,

00:22:50.460 I just,

00:22:51.080 man,

00:22:52.280 it just was fun,

00:22:53.140 dude.

00:22:54.080 It's fun.

00:22:54.660 You go in there and they got this scary,

00:22:56.860 they got like a mountain cat.

00:22:59.040 I don't know what they killed,

00:23:00.100 dude,

00:23:00.640 but he kills everything.

00:23:02.480 You know,

00:23:02.660 he could kill.

00:23:03.980 I mean,

00:23:04.240 dude,

00:23:04.380 I wouldn't be surprised.

00:23:05.500 Honestly,

00:23:05.940 dude,

00:23:06.060 I looked him in the eyes at one point and I asked him,

00:23:08.340 you know,

00:23:09.140 I don't know if I asked him if he'd been out of space or if he,

00:23:12.100 you know,

00:23:12.700 what,

00:23:13.280 if he knows,

00:23:14.680 oh,

00:23:14.980 if the government tried to get to him and he said no to me and I believe him,

00:23:19.380 but I,

00:23:19.700 you know,

00:23:20.340 I wouldn't be surprised if he has like a shuttle or something,

00:23:25.040 dude,

00:23:25.280 he could be out there hunting fucking space bears.

00:23:28.620 Would you be shocked?

00:23:30.780 Would you be shocked?

00:23:32.820 If Rogan showed up in a damn space bear fur coat,

00:23:36.440 I wouldn't be,

00:23:38.120 I wouldn't be man.

00:23:40.400 He's a,

00:23:41.780 I wouldn't be at all.

00:23:43.140 And if we got to,

00:23:44.020 if we got to send anybody in the space to do it,

00:23:45.980 I'd send him,

00:23:46.940 I'd send him a hundred percent.

00:23:50.060 You know,

00:23:50.520 he's kind of like the leader.

00:23:53.220 Uh,

00:23:53.800 but anyhow,

00:23:55.160 man,

00:23:55.420 yeah,

00:23:55.620 I just,

00:23:56.340 uh,

00:23:56.600 I don't know why I'm just kind of rambling on that.

00:23:58.540 I guess it's just on my mind and heart.

00:24:00.060 And then a lot of people,

00:24:01.100 um,

00:24:02.820 were asking me.

00:24:04.360 Yeah.

00:24:04.740 And it's like,

00:24:05.260 uh,

00:24:05.760 but the best was,

00:24:06.640 is it underground?

00:24:07.880 That was the best.

00:24:09.320 That was the best thing I've heard.

00:24:10.620 So thank you to whoever sent that into me.

00:24:12.460 Today's episode is brought to you by Ridge Wallet and Ridge Wallet is,

00:24:15.760 you know,

00:24:16.040 a lot of times you see a man and you see their butt,

00:24:19.420 you know,

00:24:19.700 and a woman too.

00:24:20.480 And sometimes a hearty lesbian,

00:24:21.660 they want to roll like this and you see their butt,

00:24:24.240 but you also see something on their butt.

00:24:25.880 You're like,

00:24:26.120 what is that on their butt?

00:24:27.180 You know,

00:24:27.500 it's like their butt has just like something on it.

00:24:30.260 And that's a wallet.

00:24:31.580 That's in their pants,

00:24:32.800 but it's,

00:24:33.600 it's,

00:24:34.340 it's weird,

00:24:35.460 you know?

00:24:35.960 And so now you've got the new Ridge Wallet and that's that front pocket carry.

00:24:39.400 And this,

00:24:39.960 that beautiful hitter.

00:24:41.000 And the thing is,

00:24:41.880 is you put your stuff in here and you carry it with you.

00:24:45.080 You don't have to be this big old Galapagos turtle living on your ass cheek.

00:24:48.500 Like you used to with that old wallet and do your old.

00:24:51.100 Think about what's in your wallet.

00:24:53.560 You know,

00:24:53.760 you got that picture of your girl used to,

00:24:55.920 you know,

00:24:56.720 bust down on back in the day,

00:24:58.960 eighth grade,

00:24:59.920 you got headshots.

00:25:01.580 You know,

00:25:01.840 you got Olin Mills picture.

00:25:03.380 What the fuck are you doing?

00:25:05.240 You got them condoms.

00:25:06.860 You ain't never used,

00:25:08.060 bruh.

00:25:08.360 And you're married now.

00:25:09.260 You've been married for a decade.

00:25:10.900 Get rid of that junk.

00:25:11.860 Get rid of that old specimen,

00:25:13.520 that old Petri dish you're carrying around.

00:25:15.180 That thing smells,

00:25:16.140 smell your wallet.

00:25:17.660 Come on.

00:25:18.440 So now you get that new front pocket carry.

00:25:21.380 That's ridgewallet.com slash Theo.

00:25:23.820 It's 10% off.

00:25:24.900 Look,

00:25:25.160 man,

00:25:25.260 go check it out.

00:25:26.260 And,

00:25:26.500 uh,

00:25:26.900 I didn't like mine at first.

00:25:28.040 I'll be honest with you.

00:25:28.700 First three days.

00:25:29.360 I was like,

00:25:29.740 since then,

00:25:30.980 all 58 days since then,

00:25:33.080 complete savagery,

00:25:34.220 bruh.

00:25:34.860 Enjoying my life being in my front pocket carry,

00:25:37.140 bruh.

00:25:37.440 What's in your carry?

00:25:39.320 I'm going to remind you to check out my West coast buds.

00:25:41.900 Uh,

00:25:42.140 that's a new podcast and that's by Joe DeMayo.

00:25:45.260 And Joe is a,

00:25:46.740 um,

00:25:47.080 he's kind of a connoisseur.

00:25:48.440 He's like an everyday man,

00:25:49.560 sort of connoisseur.

00:25:50.340 He likes cannabis,

00:25:51.540 coffee.

00:25:52.380 Uh,

00:25:52.700 he likes comedy and he likes spirits and I'm not talking ghosts.

00:25:56.880 You know,

00:25:57.140 I'm talking about,

00:25:57.880 um,

00:25:58.960 alcohol.

00:25:59.940 You know,

00:26:00.260 he likes unless a fucking grim reaper shows up with a shot of gin,

00:26:03.780 then maybe he likes it all.

00:26:05.220 And he is,

00:26:06.260 um,

00:26:06.300 a unique character and he owns a dispensary in Tigard,

00:26:10.300 Oregon called coral.

00:26:12.340 And Joe will talk to you about everything that he goes through up there and

00:26:15.560 what it's like making whiskey,

00:26:17.420 um,

00:26:17.960 making jokes,

00:26:18.940 uh,

00:26:19.440 a lot of how to,

00:26:20.500 it's kind of an inside baseball.

00:26:21.900 Look at those industries,

00:26:23.100 selling dope,

00:26:24.160 um,

00:26:24.800 doing all of that.

00:26:25.800 So check it out.

00:26:26.640 We'll have the link below.

00:26:27.580 And that's my West coast buds.

00:26:30.340 What else is going on,

00:26:31.860 man?

00:26:32.440 Let's get into some other things.

00:26:33.980 I'll tell you about something.

00:26:34.980 My,

00:26:35.380 uh,

00:26:37.060 Oh,

00:26:37.840 they had that school shooting.

00:26:39.300 I know people don't like thinking about it,

00:26:40.720 but I,

00:26:41.880 you know,

00:26:42.080 I was thinking about more like,

00:26:43.660 you know,

00:26:44.020 and God bless everybody.

00:26:45.140 And,

00:26:45.600 you know,

00:26:45.880 um,

00:26:47.360 that,

00:26:47.980 you know,

00:26:48.140 if you have a family member or anything that's,

00:26:50.040 you know,

00:26:50.160 how to deal with that or any of these,

00:26:53.340 it's becoming such a commonplace thing.

00:26:55.960 And I was talking to one of my,

00:26:57.220 one of our producers,

00:26:58.340 Nick earlier.

00:26:59.900 Um,

00:27:00.520 and he,

00:27:01.620 uh,

00:27:02.920 and Nick's a beautiful young man.

00:27:04.180 He might've been a premature baby,

00:27:05.380 but you know,

00:27:06.980 that's,

00:27:07.620 you know,

00:27:09.020 he could,

00:27:10.000 and I don't,

00:27:10.620 honestly,

00:27:11.100 I don't know if you ever shake being a premature baby,

00:27:12.980 but I think he's mastered as well as any man could.

00:27:16.540 He's a,

00:27:16.820 you know,

00:27:17.400 handsome young fella.

00:27:18.400 And anyhow,

00:27:19.340 what happened?

00:27:20.120 Uh,

00:27:20.720 I was talking to him and he was saying,

00:27:22.180 well,

00:27:23.140 you know,

00:27:23.620 once something happened,

00:27:24.760 cause it's like,

00:27:25.200 why does this keep happening?

00:27:26.560 You know,

00:27:27.000 why does this keep happening?

00:27:29.220 And,

00:27:29.700 and one of the things is once something happens the first time,

00:27:32.560 then it happens more.

00:27:36.080 Like I,

00:27:37.740 and I,

00:27:37.960 and the more I think about it,

00:27:39.140 like,

00:27:39.320 yes,

00:27:39.540 I think it has a great deal to do with mental health.

00:27:42.460 You know,

00:27:43.000 yes,

00:27:43.380 I think that,

00:27:44.220 that,

00:27:44.800 uh,

00:27:45.560 these high profile,

00:27:46.980 high,

00:27:47.580 you know,

00:27:47.880 fast action,

00:27:49.000 assault rifles and shit.

00:27:50.280 I think that I can't,

00:27:53.180 I don't know if we need those.

00:27:55.280 I've never seen a hunter have like 1100 deer running at them,

00:27:58.820 you know,

00:27:59.340 with pistols on their hoofs,

00:28:00.740 you know,

00:28:01.140 like,

00:28:02.240 you know,

00:28:02.460 you don't have 70 raccoons,

00:28:04.180 you know,

00:28:04.500 coming down on,

00:28:05.460 um,

00:28:06.800 on,

00:28:07.700 uh,

00:28:08.760 parachutes,

00:28:09.940 you know,

00:28:11.520 you don't have any,

00:28:12.260 you know,

00:28:12.820 on them raccoon shoots,

00:28:14.060 just dropping down and you got to mow them all out.

00:28:17.980 We don't have that.

00:28:20.580 So it's like,

00:28:21.600 do we need that?

00:28:23.000 You know,

00:28:23.220 I go back to the old days.

00:28:24.600 So you got to load,

00:28:25.860 you got to load and show.

00:28:28.060 And that seems more,

00:28:30.640 you know,

00:28:30.980 that seems more fair.

00:28:34.640 But,

00:28:35.220 you know,

00:28:36.120 he was,

00:28:36.500 but anyway,

00:28:36.980 our producer,

00:28:37.460 Nick,

00:28:37.600 I was talking to him,

00:28:38.100 he was saying,

00:28:38.760 you know,

00:28:39.880 I think it's because once it happens once,

00:28:43.320 then other people see it.

00:28:44.660 And kids know,

00:28:46.560 do what,

00:28:47.400 what they would,

00:28:48.320 uh,

00:28:48.460 what caused the most harm,

00:28:50.280 I guess.

00:28:52.180 A sick child will,

00:28:53.520 a sick anyone will think that way.

00:28:56.300 You know,

00:28:56.820 I think it didn't have,

00:28:57.740 you didn't see it a lot in the past because it wasn't,

00:28:59.940 it hadn't been done yet.

00:29:02.980 You know,

00:29:03.560 you don't see somebody learn to juggle or try juggling until somebody else,

00:29:07.220 uh,

00:29:08.000 you know,

00:29:09.060 been working with magic balls in the air.

00:29:12.800 And it,

00:29:13.440 once it's done that first time,

00:29:15.100 then you see more of it.

00:29:16.560 And so that's the,

00:29:17.880 I think that that has a lot to do with it.

00:29:20.020 Why does this keep happening?

00:29:21.000 Because it's happened once and people see the effect and they see,

00:29:25.520 you know,

00:29:25.860 you have a kid that's probably somewhere inside of himself is mentally broken or so

00:29:30.000 broken.

00:29:30.880 And he just,

00:29:32.280 you know,

00:29:32.500 and the devil gets him and he wants to do bad and he wants to,

00:29:37.280 you know,

00:29:37.740 he,

00:29:37.960 he doesn't see any difference in making other people outside of him feel the

00:29:42.740 pain that he feels inside of himself.

00:29:45.340 He can't differentiate between if that's okay or if that's not okay.

00:29:49.620 Or maybe he just thinks it is,

00:29:51.320 it is okay.

00:29:53.520 You know,

00:29:53.820 I,

00:29:54.000 maybe he thinks,

00:29:54.980 or I,

00:29:55.900 I hurt so bad that everyone should hurt.

00:29:59.520 And so he busts down like that.

00:30:03.460 But yeah,

00:30:04.260 you know,

00:30:04.740 do we,

00:30:05.160 I don't think we need these high power,

00:30:06.400 high power weapons.

00:30:08.560 What?

00:30:10.740 Or also,

00:30:12.060 how about that little liaison period from when you want the weapon to when you get the weapon?

00:30:16.780 How about that?

00:30:20.700 Let's give a little more time.

00:30:23.220 Look,

00:30:23.720 there's no reason that I need,

00:30:25.340 look,

00:30:25.780 I need a passport sometimes immediately.

00:30:28.060 I get that.

00:30:29.700 You need that passport within three days.

00:30:31.580 You got a surprise trip.

00:30:33.000 You leaving.

00:30:33.760 But I can't think of a super good reason that I need an AR-15 by Thursday.

00:30:40.920 Can't think of one.

00:30:42.120 And if I do have a reason,

00:30:45.180 there's nothing logical as to why that couldn't wait another week.

00:30:49.160 So it's just,

00:30:52.700 I mean,

00:30:53.000 it's just horrific and it's tragic.

00:30:54.860 And,

00:30:55.400 you know,

00:30:55.800 young people are mimics and they,

00:30:59.440 they do what they see.

00:31:02.320 You know,

00:31:02.820 they little monkeys.

00:31:04.840 Young people are little monkeys and they do what they see.

00:31:08.080 And so I didn't mean to bring it down by talking about that stuff.

00:31:10.600 But I know down there in Texas,

00:31:12.520 we have a lot of listeners in Texas and,

00:31:15.260 and,

00:31:16.340 you know,

00:31:16.540 in Texas is one of my favorite states.

00:31:19.380 I mean,

00:31:19.560 Texas is the kind of state where you show up and you do your work and you live

00:31:23.100 your life and you show respect and other people show respect.

00:31:26.900 And that's how life is.

00:31:28.880 And I've always loved Texas.

00:31:32.020 And it's just a tragedy to see some of this kind of stuff to continue to happen.

00:31:35.380 But I've said before,

00:31:39.000 we should have classes.

00:31:40.020 There should be a class.

00:31:41.060 I don't give a fuck about social studies.

00:31:43.280 I don't give a shit about spelling.

00:31:45.580 There should be classes in school where you learn to express your feelings and let

00:31:51.020 other people express their feelings and how you work together on that.

00:31:55.160 And how you can just know if,

00:31:57.260 if you are talking to a friend,

00:31:59.040 if,

00:31:59.360 if,

00:32:00.220 if they're okay or not,

00:32:02.000 or how,

00:32:02.820 if you're not okay,

00:32:03.500 you could try to share some of that shit,

00:32:04.940 man.

00:32:05.040 And I know sound,

00:32:05.860 you know,

00:32:06.060 some of this stuff might sound like weakness and everything,

00:32:08.520 but I don't think it is.

00:32:10.560 I think it's the toughest thing you can do is,

00:32:13.940 you know,

00:32:14.160 teach young people how to be vulnerable and,

00:32:16.860 and help us and help them learn.

00:32:20.820 Cause fuck dude,

00:32:21.580 I feel I gotta do this.

00:32:22.480 I'm a dude.

00:32:22.880 I'm in these programs now and I'm doing this shit now.

00:32:24.720 And I'm 38,

00:32:25.580 bro.

00:32:26.380 I'm a straight up adult.

00:32:28.500 You know,

00:32:29.300 you want to catch me in 40,

00:32:30.760 40 years,

00:32:31.320 bro.

00:32:31.520 You can catch me in the G yard,

00:32:33.360 son.

00:32:33.820 I'll be six feet down.

00:32:35.660 A couple of brothers throwing dirt on me,

00:32:37.260 shoveling out.

00:32:38.940 You know,

00:32:39.880 I'll be trying to crawl through the dirt,

00:32:41.380 just bones only trying to catch a little bit of,

00:32:45.100 you know,

00:32:46.100 a little bit of marrow out of some,

00:32:48.160 maybe sweet gal.

00:32:49.020 That's about,

00:32:49.660 you know,

00:32:49.980 a couple of plots over.

00:32:51.040 Cause you know,

00:32:51.640 I'm going to be that dark artist when I'm in the dirt.

00:32:54.400 You know what I'm saying?

00:32:54.940 Just cause I'm in the grave doesn't mean I'm not going to be,

00:32:57.160 um,

00:32:58.640 you know,

00:32:59.200 trying to get out there and get a little bit of,

00:33:00.960 uh,

00:33:01.280 Cossacks or a little bit of,

00:33:03.200 um,

00:33:04.160 you know,

00:33:04.820 tailbone or not tailbone,

00:33:07.140 but,

00:33:07.460 um,

00:33:07.740 is there any bones in the vagina?

00:33:11.360 You know what I'm saying?

00:33:13.280 Um,

00:33:14.520 I don't think vagina bone,

00:33:16.000 but is it?

00:33:17.420 Damn.

00:33:17.860 I don't know,

00:33:18.560 dude.

00:33:19.820 I think I felt a bone down there or something before.

00:33:22.260 Not like a,

00:33:23.540 but you know,

00:33:23.980 I think there's what's holding the vagina up.

00:33:26.300 Some kind of bone,

00:33:27.580 whatever that is,

00:33:28.500 boy,

00:33:28.720 you know,

00:33:28.960 I'll be,

00:33:29.640 you know,

00:33:30.680 I'll be,

00:33:31.140 you know,

00:33:32.120 peeking out of ant farms and stuff.

00:33:33.560 Once I'm buried,

00:33:34.280 I'm not done.

00:33:36.400 And I'm not going to be a ghost boy.

00:33:37.840 I'm going to be that underground rattler.

00:33:40.400 You know,

00:33:40.780 I'm going to be down there just sifting through,

00:33:42.300 I'm saying face first.

00:33:43.640 Can you believe that's the most gangster thing about snakes,

00:33:47.060 dude?

00:33:47.520 They go face fucking first through the dirt.

00:33:54.420 What?

00:33:55.620 Dude,

00:33:56.100 I lose my shit.

00:33:56.920 If I walk into a cobweb snake,

00:34:01.080 a snake do face first forever,

00:34:05.340 wherever they go.

00:34:07.160 Can you,

00:34:07.860 they do not have that fear in them.

00:34:11.220 They,

00:34:11.740 they are the devil's phalanges.

00:34:13.160 And you know that.

00:34:14.700 And I know some people like them and stuff like that,

00:34:16.760 but every now and then a snake chokes,

00:34:18.340 choked,

00:34:19.120 a snake chokes out an old lady in Tucson.

00:34:22.120 You know,

00:34:22.680 that's once a month,

00:34:23.440 a snake will put a senior citizen into a hard scarf.

00:34:27.500 A snake will just drop that hard scarf on a senior citizen.

00:34:30.280 And next thing you know,

00:34:31.120 they wake up in heaven.

00:34:34.500 So a snake is a very dangerous animal.

00:34:38.240 What else?

00:34:38.920 What else is going on,

00:34:40.040 man?

00:34:41.060 I'm still on paleo's diet.

00:34:43.340 And dude,

00:34:43.700 it's getting easier.

00:34:45.380 It's getting easier.

00:34:46.260 And I feel better.

00:34:48.020 And,

00:34:48.320 you know,

00:34:48.620 I talked about it last week,

00:34:49.500 but I don't have any body gas,

00:34:51.020 dude.

00:34:51.160 I,

00:34:51.840 dude,

00:34:52.060 I could count on two fingers the number of times that I've had body gas.

00:34:55.580 And that's been truly beautiful because look,

00:34:58.640 dude,

00:34:58.760 I've been,

00:34:59.360 you know,

00:34:59.520 I've had,

00:34:59.820 I had gas for years to be honest with you,

00:35:02.540 probably most of my life.

00:35:03.720 And it's fun.

00:35:04.940 I get it.

00:35:06.300 Sometimes,

00:35:07.040 you know,

00:35:07.540 changing the whole environment of a room with a secret weapon is exciting.

00:35:14.400 I'm not going to say that shit isn't exciting,

00:35:16.440 dude.

00:35:17.540 It's like having David Blaine fucking pop up out of your butt.

00:35:21.160 Suddenly everybody doesn't know what the hell stinks or who did it.

00:35:25.220 It's like Agatha Christie is straight up living in your asshole,

00:35:28.340 bro.

00:35:29.840 That's straight up.

00:35:30.440 That,

00:35:30.620 that's,

00:35:30.920 that is,

00:35:31.920 I mean,

00:35:32.280 that's,

00:35:32.700 that's beautiful making mysteries like that.

00:35:34.980 Just making air mysteries.

00:35:38.200 But,

00:35:38.840 but it's,

00:35:40.500 it's nice to not have that.

00:35:43.000 It's nice to not be chatting with somebody and you can't even think because,

00:35:47.380 dude,

00:35:47.660 at a certain point of,

00:35:48.820 and this is,

00:35:49.320 I know there's probably a little grotesque and below some people's education level.

00:35:53.480 And if it is,

00:35:54.780 then fucking take a hike because I'm smart too.

00:36:00.900 But maybe I'm just not talking about,

00:36:02.780 you know,

00:36:03.780 you know,

00:36:05.580 glacier melt right now.

00:36:09.940 Maybe I'm not talking about,

00:36:11.080 you know,

00:36:12.120 birds,

00:36:13.200 how long birds beaks are or the NASDAQ.

00:36:17.180 Maybe I'm just talking about regular life,

00:36:18.940 but it's crazy.

00:36:20.260 Dude,

00:36:20.340 I noticed this for me.

00:36:21.400 If I,

00:36:21.780 when I used to have body gas a lot,

00:36:23.360 if I had a,

00:36:25.700 you're in your stomach,

00:36:27.200 a fart,

00:36:28.060 we'll call it a fart.

00:36:29.000 Cause I don't know if they have a better term for it yet,

00:36:31.020 but,

00:36:32.440 uh,

00:36:33.760 a fart will,

00:36:35.200 it almost starts to develop a brain a little bit.

00:36:37.540 Cause you're like,

00:36:38.260 damn this thing.

00:36:40.500 It's like thinking because you got it.

00:36:44.320 You got it.

00:36:45.720 Nobody knows you got it.

00:36:47.940 And it starts to know it got you at some point when it gets close to that cliff.

00:36:53.580 It starts to know that it's in control and you start to feel it.

00:36:57.040 Think a little bit.

00:36:58.020 Does anybody know what I'm talking about?

00:37:00.280 I'm talking about fart think.

00:37:02.220 And I think that's a real condition.

00:37:05.200 I think it's a real condition for the future.

00:37:08.220 What else is happening,

00:37:09.520 man?

00:37:10.100 What else can we talk about?

00:37:11.500 Oh,

00:37:11.680 look,

00:37:12.000 man,

00:37:12.160 a lot of things,

00:37:12.940 a lot of things have happened.

00:37:14.000 We had a lot of beautiful voicemails that came in.

00:37:16.860 Um,

00:37:17.980 and I'm going to get to those,

00:37:19.320 uh,

00:37:19.540 some of those,

00:37:20.020 we'll go through them.

00:37:21.200 We'll keep talking about other stuff.

00:37:23.960 You know,

00:37:24.600 it's,

00:37:25.000 uh,

00:37:25.100 it was just a crazy week,

00:37:26.320 you know,

00:37:27.240 getting to go in and talk with Joe and just,

00:37:30.580 um,

00:37:31.760 you know,

00:37:32.000 just be around somebody that I just look up to and that I watch on stage and that,

00:37:36.180 you know,

00:37:36.540 he inspires me sometimes to be fearless and to say what I think.

00:37:40.780 Um,

00:37:41.180 and especially in Hollywood,

00:37:43.640 you know,

00:37:44.080 this place doesn't want you saying what you think,

00:37:45.820 you know,

00:37:48.020 I mean,

00:37:49.360 it's like,

00:37:50.720 you know,

00:37:51.180 sometimes I mean,

00:37:51.940 I'm happy to be here and I want to work in this industry,

00:37:53.840 but it's,

00:37:55.320 you know,

00:37:55.840 it's crazy to me.

00:37:56.560 I mean,

00:37:56.700 yeah,

00:37:56.800 I just even look at like how Hollywood is suddenly like,

00:37:59.280 you know,

00:37:59.720 and,

00:38:01.900 suddenly it's like,

00:38:02.840 so it's all about diversity,

00:38:04.320 you know,

00:38:04.880 but two years ago,

00:38:05.780 black people had to beg to be on the Academy Awards,

00:38:09.720 you know,

00:38:10.260 and that's not the kind of,

00:38:11.120 they're just,

00:38:12.300 I don't know.

00:38:13.560 I just don't trust this industry sometimes.

00:38:16.180 And maybe that's just business.

00:38:17.620 And I need to ball up a little bit and that's fine.

00:38:20.420 Look,

00:38:20.820 I'm out here to learn.

00:38:21.540 I don't know.

00:38:22.500 I'm out here to learn.

00:38:23.660 Let's take this call that came in about,

00:38:25.660 uh,

00:38:26.160 their weekend.

00:38:26.920 You know,

00:38:27.160 every,

00:38:27.640 every week you can call and leave a voicemail on the hotline.

00:38:29.820 The hotline is nine,

00:38:30.560 eight,

00:38:30.740 five,

00:38:31.140 six,

00:38:31.580 six,

00:38:31.780 four,

00:38:32.060 nine,

00:38:32.320 five,

00:38:32.620 zero,

00:38:32.960 three.

00:38:33.440 And that hotline mostly has,

00:38:35.300 um,

00:38:36.000 all types of things,

00:38:36.940 people calling.

00:38:37.940 And look,

00:38:38.780 there's there.

00:38:40.340 I can't even tell you how many calls we get a lot.

00:38:43.100 And that doesn't mean that we don't care.

00:38:44.380 It's just hard to sometimes get back to all of them.

00:38:46.700 Some of them are people,

00:38:47.800 you know,

00:38:48.740 you're getting off and,

00:38:50.200 you know,

00:38:51.060 there's a couple of voicemails,

00:38:52.040 people,

00:38:52.380 fucking couples and men only and everything happening.

00:38:56.940 People,

00:38:57.300 some ladies training,

00:38:58.460 uh,

00:38:59.180 I don't want to say parakeets,

00:39:00.460 but it sounds like parakeets or she has a,

00:39:02.820 you know,

00:39:03.240 twins with like real high pitched voices or something that are,

00:39:06.600 I don't know if they're eating sea.

00:39:07.560 It sounds hella sketchy,

00:39:10.560 bro.

00:39:11.440 But,

00:39:11.680 um,

00:39:12.120 but yeah,

00:39:12.440 there's a lot of stuff on there.

00:39:13.800 It's just not even real stuff,

00:39:16.480 but we go through it all,

00:39:18.120 you know,

00:39:18.320 and some things we can get to and some things we can't.

00:39:20.000 If you call them up to voicemail,

00:39:21.080 don't feel bad.

00:39:22.100 It's not a rejection.

00:39:23.160 It's just,

00:39:23.860 you know,

00:39:24.120 right now it didn't fit in the episode or,

00:39:26.100 or maybe we'll do it in the future or maybe call back at some other time.

00:39:29.380 But thank you for everybody that's called or texted.

00:39:32.220 Um,

00:39:32.920 what do I want to do?

00:39:34.280 Oh,

00:39:34.440 I want to play,

00:39:35.100 uh,

00:39:35.320 every week you can call and let me know if you want to,

00:39:37.140 if you had a great weekend or a bad weekend,

00:39:38.620 let us know how it was.

00:39:39.580 And each,

00:39:40.320 each we'll,

00:39:41.140 we'll play some every week and we'll put a contest winner at the end of each

00:39:44.580 month,

00:39:44.880 uh,

00:39:45.360 for this past week and how it was great,

00:39:47.040 bad,

00:39:47.320 whatever.

00:39:47.760 Uh,

00:39:48.080 here's a weekend story that came in right here.

00:39:50.100 Hey,

00:39:52.320 what's up,

00:39:52.700 CEO?

00:39:53.420 Uh,

00:39:53.840 I'm a college student.

00:39:55.020 I'm studying biology and,

00:39:56.680 uh,

00:39:57.260 I've been supporting myself by working a third shift at a gas station,

00:40:01.080 kind of in the ghetto of the city.

00:40:02.400 My college is in.

00:40:03.980 Dang,

00:40:04.420 dude.

00:40:05.520 Good luck,

00:40:06.220 man.

00:40:06.460 That sounds like a place where people get murdered a lot.

00:40:08.380 No offense.

00:40:08.980 And I hope you,

00:40:09.620 you know,

00:40:09.980 and I hope everything's good with you,

00:40:11.240 especially since you're still in college biology,

00:40:14.080 man,

00:40:14.380 that biology was crazy,

00:40:16.740 dude.

00:40:17.120 Remember biology?

00:40:18.040 You didn't know anything.

00:40:21.140 Next thing you know,

00:40:21.560 you're cutting into a,

00:40:22.580 uh,

00:40:23.340 frog.

00:40:25.360 You know what I'm saying?

00:40:26.240 Next thing you're running around with a frog heart on your fingertips and showing it to the ladies.

00:40:31.440 Every answer in biology,

00:40:33.460 mitochondria.

00:40:34.560 That was the answer on every test.

00:40:36.480 Every,

00:40:37.260 it was all mitochondria.

00:40:38.860 Sometimes it was a cytoplasm.

00:40:41.020 Boom.

00:40:42.260 If you are in seventh grade and you are still looking for answers,

00:40:46.900 that's the answer to everyone.

00:40:48.040 Uh,

00:40:48.320 thank you for calling young,

00:40:49.320 uh,

00:40:49.760 young brother onward.

00:40:51.400 And,

00:40:51.920 uh,

00:40:52.020 it's usually all right,

00:40:53.140 but,

00:40:53.420 uh,

00:40:53.500 last night,

00:40:54.400 about six guys came in and,

00:40:57.200 uh,

00:40:57.300 they just bought a gas can and put like two gallons of gasoline in it.

00:41:01.080 And they seem really calm.

00:41:02.240 They'll chill.

00:41:02.720 Right.

00:41:03.200 Oh,

00:41:03.620 and that's sketchy.

00:41:04.300 Man,

00:41:04.400 when you show up and you just get that gas can,

00:41:06.200 gas only,

00:41:07.420 that means you're out of,

00:41:08.500 uh,

00:41:08.820 out of gas or,

00:41:10.020 uh,

00:41:11.200 that's arson.

00:41:12.560 And a lot of times when arson happens,

00:41:14.420 um,

00:41:15.740 you know,

00:41:16.200 that's either insurance money or somebody has like a sleeping family member or something.

00:41:19.580 And they's about to change the game and they about to,

00:41:21.840 you know,

00:41:22.660 really just change it all and maybe end up on dateline.

00:41:24.820 Let's hear more.

00:41:25.340 Nice guys when they left.

00:41:27.040 But,

00:41:27.160 uh,

00:41:28.040 they came back like two hours later,

00:41:30.080 just high as fuck,

00:41:32.240 probably on meth.

00:41:33.320 They were freaking out.

00:41:34.760 Probably on meth or probably on gas,

00:41:36.660 dude.

00:41:37.240 I remember,

00:41:38.260 um,

00:41:38.860 on Halloween one time we ate some mushrooms,

00:41:40.940 you know,

00:41:41.180 some of them beautiful little fucking land creatures.

00:41:45.320 And we,

00:41:48.400 uh,

00:41:48.960 one of my buddies,

00:41:49.720 Todd tried to drink some gasoline and had to go actually to the,

00:41:53.080 um,

00:41:54.040 I guess he went to the emergency room.

00:41:55.540 But let's hear more.

00:41:56.940 They were trying to return the gas can cause it was like 12 bucks,

00:42:00.240 but,

00:42:00.440 uh,

00:42:00.720 the sole policy is I can't return gas cans once there's been gas in them.

00:42:04.780 So they were like yelling at me and talking all at once and they were going to stab me if I didn't cut my head off and shit.

00:42:11.260 Damn,

00:42:11.720 cut your head off,

00:42:12.440 bro.

00:42:12.560 That's a Greyhound bus move,

00:42:14.100 bro.

00:42:14.720 That's a finishing move on the,

00:42:16.040 uh,

00:42:16.240 Greyhound bus version of Mortal Kombat.

00:42:19.080 And I don't know what the cheat code is to open that up,

00:42:21.100 but let's hear more.

00:42:23.520 You know,

00:42:24.020 I was a Marine out of high school,

00:42:25.680 so I'm not afraid of any man,

00:42:27.500 but you know,

00:42:28.320 six make me really concerned.

00:42:30.780 Semper Fi,

00:42:31.260 do you hear that confidence in that man's voice right there?

00:42:34.780 Dude,

00:42:35.220 that's the kind of stuff that I wish I had,

00:42:36.860 man.

00:42:37.980 Just hearing you say that I'm a Marine,

00:42:39.820 so I'm not worried about any man.

00:42:43.060 But six of them make me concerned.

00:42:45.800 That's gangster,

00:42:46.980 dude.

00:42:48.160 That's awesome,

00:42:48.940 man.

00:42:49.060 Thanks for your service.

00:42:49.820 I got to,

00:42:50.460 you know,

00:42:50.620 I was fortunate enough to get to go do some tours,

00:42:52.440 um,

00:42:53.240 of just as a comedian.

00:42:54.340 And we went to,

00:42:55.480 you know,

00:42:55.700 I think I maybe did five or six,

00:42:57.120 you know,

00:42:57.920 trips overseas.

00:42:58.720 And,

00:42:59.600 um,

00:43:00.260 and you go on those bases,

00:43:01.500 boy,

00:43:01.740 and look,

00:43:02.200 Navy does their thing.

00:43:03.200 Air Force does their thing.

00:43:04.420 Army does their thing.

00:43:05.540 But when the Marines show up,

00:43:08.020 they go,

00:43:09.960 they go first.

00:43:11.920 Marines go first,

00:43:13.140 man.

00:43:13.700 Um,

00:43:14.640 and it's just,

00:43:15.820 uh,

00:43:16.580 you know,

00:43:16.980 impressive group.

00:43:17.860 Let's hear more,

00:43:18.480 bro.

00:43:18.700 This,

00:43:19.080 uh,

00:43:19.240 this sounds like it's not going well,

00:43:20.680 brothers.

00:43:21.100 Do you want that $12 back?

00:43:22.540 I mean,

00:43:22.860 you got that policy.

00:43:23.980 Let's hear more.

00:43:24.920 No gas.

00:43:25.560 Once you got gas in the can,

00:43:26.640 that's yo can.

00:43:28.940 They ended up yelling at me for the gas can

00:43:30.500 for a little bit more.

00:43:31.500 And,

00:43:31.660 uh,

00:43:32.220 they bought like $400,

00:43:34.020 a random gas station food shit.

00:43:36.060 And like a lot of lottery tickets,

00:43:38.740 a fuck ton of them.

00:43:39.780 They ended up leaving on their own.

00:43:41.680 Oh,

00:43:42.100 lottery tickets.

00:43:42.780 That's,

00:43:43.000 I mean,

00:43:45.000 yeah,

00:43:45.860 if you're huffing gas,

00:43:47.120 bro,

00:43:47.340 you'll definitely,

00:43:48.820 you know,

00:43:49.220 you'll take a chance to win half a mil,

00:43:51.080 dude,

00:43:51.240 by just scratching on something.

00:43:52.660 Cause if you're huffing gas,

00:43:53.740 you usually used to scratching your skin.

00:43:55.540 You used to scratch.

00:43:56.240 You'll scratch your own chest hair off.

00:43:58.680 You know,

00:43:58.920 you'll have just a little,

00:44:00.020 you know,

00:44:00.400 kind of bloody ball of fur and hair and skin.

00:44:03.840 But,

00:44:04.140 um,

00:44:04.560 so yeah,

00:44:05.000 lottery tickets.

00:44:06.400 I mean,

00:44:06.740 that's a meth and fat.

00:44:07.620 I mean,

00:44:07.800 that's,

00:44:08.500 you know,

00:44:09.480 that's,

00:44:10.540 that's,

00:44:11.680 that's everything.

00:44:12.520 That's a,

00:44:13.180 that's a,

00:44:13.640 that's a full-time job for a methamphetamine addict.

00:44:16.420 Cause they got the itch in them naturally.

00:44:18.320 And now they're putting it to work for that chance at,

00:44:20.920 um,

00:44:21.360 you know,

00:44:21.680 $50,000 paid over a hundred weeks.

00:44:24.180 Let's hear more spent like 400,

00:44:26.740 500 bucks on them.

00:44:27.840 And,

00:44:28.140 uh,

00:44:29.280 they left,

00:44:29.880 told me I was a fuck.

00:44:30.780 And,

00:44:31.000 uh,

00:44:31.600 you know,

00:44:31.920 that was my weekend.

00:44:33.900 They left and told you,

00:44:35.140 you were a fuck.

00:44:36.560 That's hilarious,

00:44:37.900 bro.

00:44:38.140 Well,

00:44:39.560 look,

00:44:39.840 man,

00:44:39.980 I commend you do working in the,

00:44:41.680 you know,

00:44:42.280 in a tough neighborhood in the get.

00:44:43.880 I mean,

00:44:44.060 I don't know if it's together.

00:44:44.880 You said it's a shady neighborhood,

00:44:46.100 but I commend you do.

00:44:48.120 Cause that's,

00:44:49.740 that's a tough area.

00:44:50.560 A lot of times people out there,

00:44:52.080 you know,

00:44:52.460 eating honey buns and drinking fucking diesel.

00:44:55.260 You know,

00:44:55.700 you get a couple of,

00:44:56.600 you know,

00:44:56.940 young soldiers hopped up on some 91 octane,

00:45:00.500 you know,

00:45:01.280 and next thing you know,

00:45:01.900 they want a fucking fist fight and you just trying to mop,

00:45:04.900 you know,

00:45:05.040 you just trying to fucking,

00:45:05.880 you know,

00:45:06.980 you could just have a,

00:45:07.740 you have a,

00:45:08.500 you know,

00:45:09.060 you got a brain.

00:45:10.240 You just had a brain freeze.

00:45:11.260 Cause you're on your ninth slushie and you back there brain freezing,

00:45:14.700 trying to fucking push that hot mop around.

00:45:17.420 And these Muppets are straight up.

00:45:18.960 They come in all jawed up,

00:45:21.180 you know,

00:45:21.380 one of them just lit a cigarette,

00:45:22.580 forgot he's drinking gas.

00:45:23.860 And now he's,

00:45:24.660 you know,

00:45:25.280 now he's one of the flaming lips and shit gets fiasco time and everybody wants

00:45:29.360 Fritos.

00:45:30.700 Dude,

00:45:31.140 it's savage out there,

00:45:32.100 man.

00:45:32.300 And I commend you for working on the front lines.

00:45:34.540 That's the front lines of American war right there.

00:45:37.280 The man that's working overnight,

00:45:38.760 trying to make it through school,

00:45:40.720 trying to learn about biology and just fending off straight fucking night

00:45:45.820 Muppets trying to get that $12 back gang gang,

00:45:50.440 baby.

00:45:50.940 Take care of yourself out there.

00:45:52.080 Thanks for calling.

00:45:52.800 I appreciate that,

00:45:53.640 man.

00:45:55.360 I remember,

00:45:56.500 uh,

00:45:58.380 I did ever work at a gas station.

00:45:59.940 No.

00:46:00.200 One time my buddy got sick and he worked at a gas station and he's like,

00:46:03.180 dude,

00:46:03.380 I need you to take my shift.

00:46:04.340 And I'd never worked there.

00:46:05.820 And I went and,

00:46:07.240 uh,

00:46:07.840 and I did it,

00:46:09.180 man.

00:46:09.900 You know,

00:46:10.120 I think I stole about,

00:46:11.000 about $30,

00:46:12.240 dude.

00:46:12.460 And I stole almost so many Otis Spunkmeyer cookies,

00:46:15.540 dude.

00:46:15.680 I fucking was sick in the morning,

00:46:17.600 dude.

00:46:17.760 Come sunrise.

00:46:18.360 I was sick to my stomach,

00:46:19.640 but,

00:46:21.120 uh,

00:46:21.380 but that was fun.

00:46:22.240 You know,

00:46:22.420 those are the good old days.

00:46:24.300 Um,

00:46:24.980 let's take another call,

00:46:26.160 man.

00:46:26.500 What do we got here?

00:46:27.340 Onward.

00:46:28.220 Hi,

00:46:28.560 this is Ellen calling in from Virginia beach.

00:46:30.200 And this is some advice for Nicole.

00:46:31.660 Who's dealing with an alcoholic boyfriend.

00:46:33.960 Oh yeah.

00:46:34.720 We had,

00:46:35.280 uh,

00:46:35.380 these are,

00:46:35.780 we got a response from last week's call.

00:46:37.820 Uh,

00:46:38.020 this is for Nicole,

00:46:38.900 uh,

00:46:39.520 dealing with an alcoholic boyfriend.

00:46:40.860 She called at the end of last week's episode.

00:46:42.540 Let's hear more.

00:46:43.220 Thanks for calling Ellen.

00:46:44.580 Nicole,

00:46:45.160 you're in a life or death situation right now.

00:46:47.740 And this is what you need to do.

00:46:49.140 You need to get on the phone and you need to find a place where you can take your boyfriend,

00:46:52.820 where he can go through a medical detox.

00:46:54.740 If he tries to do it by himself,

00:46:57.420 he can have seizures.

00:46:58.520 He can die from alcohol poisoning.

00:47:00.480 He cannot do this alone.

00:47:01.920 He needs a medical professional.

00:47:04.760 And with that being said,

00:47:06.320 he also needs to get to an AA meeting as soon as possible.

00:47:09.920 There are intergroup numbers all over the country that you can call.

00:47:13.320 And there are also apps where you can find the closest meeting to you.

00:47:16.720 Have him get a sponsor,

00:47:18.200 have him get the big book,

00:47:19.660 have him do 90 meetings in 90 days and get serious,

00:47:23.360 get committed about your future,

00:47:25.640 your future with him.

00:47:26.720 If you still think that there is one,

00:47:28.620 let me tell you something.

00:47:29.860 I speak from experience.

00:47:31.240 I was living in Las Vegas for almost three years.

00:47:33.740 Ooh,

00:47:34.140 that sounds hellish right there,

00:47:35.700 boy.

00:47:36.480 Las Vegas,

00:47:37.240 dude,

00:47:37.420 that the,

00:47:37.720 anything could happen out there.

00:47:39.360 You know,

00:47:39.780 you put it all on the table,

00:47:41.560 you know,

00:47:41.980 they got women wearing those hats with the feathers on them.

00:47:44.380 You can get fucking,

00:47:45.840 you know,

00:47:46.400 you're like peacocks trying to fuck you.

00:47:48.020 Cause they think,

00:47:49.180 you know,

00:47:49.600 it's false advertising.

00:47:50.680 You're running around with on your dome.

00:47:52.800 They got escorts,

00:47:55.400 cocaine,

00:47:56.260 bruh.

00:47:56.940 And the cocaine is good because there's no humidity in the air.

00:48:01.300 Cocaine will keep,

00:48:02.360 let me tell you that that shit will keep out on a counter as long as the

00:48:05.580 humidity is down and you keep the air conditioner off and no ceiling fans.

00:48:08.920 Boy,

00:48:10.040 great way to end a cocaine party is somebody just fucking flipping on the fan

00:48:14.820 switch.

00:48:15.360 But,

00:48:17.180 but let's hear a little more advice.

00:48:19.680 Thank you for calling in about this,

00:48:21.360 Ellen.

00:48:21.820 Three years with a fighter pilot.

00:48:23.760 And he was also a poker professional and I had to leave.

00:48:27.260 I left the relationship.

00:48:28.180 It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life to this day.

00:48:30.800 I still cry about it,

00:48:31.980 but I look back on it now and I just think about where would I have been if I

00:48:35.840 just stayed with him.

00:48:37.100 And that's the truth.

00:48:38.480 You know,

00:48:38.800 you got to think about yourself longterm there.

00:48:41.360 You know,

00:48:41.540 she's calling with Laura has some issues last week and look,

00:48:44.440 you know,

00:48:45.040 Ellen,

00:48:45.320 I know you're telling her you need to get this,

00:48:47.780 you know,

00:48:48.120 your man to a meeting and you need to get him to a professional.

00:48:52.500 He needs to get himself,

00:48:54.120 you know,

00:48:55.080 and I'm not discrediting what you're saying.

00:48:56.480 These are,

00:48:56.840 these are all great suggestions.

00:48:59.040 Ellen,

00:48:59.600 you know,

00:48:59.860 especially from a woman that's been there,

00:49:02.440 but he,

00:49:03.260 yeah,

00:49:03.440 he needs to get himself and she needs to get herself some help.

00:49:06.500 You know,

00:49:06.940 she needs to get to some Al-Anon meetings or she needs to get to,

00:49:10.620 she needs to get in a better place where,

00:49:12.700 you know,

00:49:13.200 there's codependency meetings.

00:49:15.160 Um,

00:49:15.400 and these are suggestions.

00:49:16.580 Look,

00:49:16.860 I'm not a lady,

00:49:18.180 you know,

00:49:18.600 I never had a man that,

00:49:19.980 you know,

00:49:20.400 love me and would just also maybe took advantage of my love because he wanted to do dope and not take care of himself.

00:49:27.120 I never had that,

00:49:28.060 but,

00:49:29.900 you know,

00:49:31.560 uh,

00:49:32.000 but I know that you can't,

00:49:35.600 you know,

00:49:36.020 people will have to want to help themselves and that you can only help so much.

00:49:42.180 And when,

00:49:42.880 when,

00:49:43.260 when,

00:49:43.520 uh,

00:49:43.800 Nicole called in,

00:49:44.560 she signed it really at her,

00:49:46.200 at her wits end.

00:49:47.140 So,

00:49:47.420 but look,

00:49:48.920 you heard her from another lady,

00:49:50.280 Nicole,

00:49:50.560 you got to start taking care of yourself and get that man in a detox and he needs to take care of himself.

00:49:56.040 Cause if one of y'all ain't taking care of yourselves,

00:49:58.460 then what's y'all going to do?

00:50:01.260 Neither one of y'all is taking care of yourselves.

00:50:02.800 You both going to figure it out.

00:50:04.260 Fuck that.

00:50:06.180 Fuck that.

00:50:07.200 I'll be honest with you.

00:50:08.380 Cause look,

00:50:08.860 I'll tell you what happened.

00:50:10.320 I saw two,

00:50:11.460 uh,

00:50:12.060 mentally challenged people making out one time at a stoplight out outdoors,

00:50:19.020 not in a vehicle.

00:50:20.740 And I,

00:50:23.020 uh,

00:50:23.380 and I called the police and I feel,

00:50:29.040 I regret it sometimes,

00:50:30.580 but I could tell,

00:50:32.460 man,

00:50:32.820 I've spent time,

00:50:33.620 dude,

00:50:33.820 you know,

00:50:34.040 one of my best friends growing up had down syndrome.

00:50:35.760 I've spent time around,

00:50:37.280 you know,

00:50:38.580 I've spent people that are mentally lit,

00:50:41.440 you know,

00:50:41.740 some of God's favorites.

00:50:42.760 I've been around and they will,

00:50:45.400 some of them won't fuck.

00:50:46.800 Some of them want to party.

00:50:47.840 They're just like us.

00:50:49.460 You know,

00:50:49.940 they got that limbic system just like us.

00:50:52.520 They got,

00:50:53.220 you know,

00:50:53.880 the dirty,

00:50:54.640 dark arts is dangling off the,

00:50:56.820 you know,

00:50:57.400 the base of their spine and the base of their brain that,

00:51:01.680 you know,

00:51:01.900 that little brainstem,

00:51:03.920 that thing's lit up with just,

00:51:05.700 you know,

00:51:06.460 eggplant emojis and,

00:51:07.860 uh,

00:51:08.540 you know,

00:51:08.960 little umbrellas with semen emojis hitting the top of them.

00:51:12.680 And so they want to party just like us.

00:51:15.720 And I knew I could tell that these two at the stoplight were gonna,

00:51:21.940 they were gonna,

00:51:22.460 they were thinking about sex.

00:51:25.500 And,

00:51:26.100 and so I called the police and the lady said,

00:51:28.920 well,

00:51:29.060 what's,

00:51:29.380 what is,

00:51:29.780 what,

00:51:30.080 why,

00:51:30.480 what is this about?

00:51:31.240 And I said,

00:51:32.220 well,

00:51:32.300 if those two people make a child,

00:51:34.960 that child,

00:51:37.000 the chances of that child being comfortable and well in its own skin,

00:51:40.480 probably not super great.

00:51:42.340 And I know that's me jumping to conclusions.

00:51:44.160 That might be me playing a little bit of,

00:51:45.840 you know,

00:51:46.380 moderator in the universe,

00:51:47.760 but it's just like,

00:51:51.200 if they can't help themselves,

00:51:52.960 if they not in a place where they can be super well themselves,

00:51:56.460 then they can only do so much together.

00:51:59.540 Those two people at that stoplight and they can kiss and hug and pleasure each

00:52:04.040 other and that kind of thing.

00:52:05.780 But when it comes to,

00:52:07.420 we're going to start something new together,

00:52:08.960 we're going to start a small business or we're going to make a child.

00:52:12.680 I don't know.

00:52:14.300 I don't know if that's the best move.

00:52:16.120 And that's just where I kind of where I see you at a little bit,

00:52:18.160 Laura.

00:52:19.420 And,

00:52:19.800 and thank you,

00:52:20.960 Ellen,

00:52:21.060 for calling in and giving some suggestions to her.

00:52:23.520 We also,

00:52:24.260 this is the first time we've ever had it.

00:52:25.460 We have a video call that came in and this is,

00:52:28.680 this is on live raise and the link will be in our information below.

00:52:33.480 And this is via their fan line.

00:52:35.540 And Saturday I did a chat on live raise.

00:52:38.440 And the cool thing about live raise is you can submit questions,

00:52:42.020 video questions.

00:52:43.340 So you can submit a question on there.

00:52:45.260 When I'm on live,

00:52:46.700 you can submit a question.

00:52:47.780 It goes to the fan line.

00:52:48.960 It's a video question where you can ask whatever you want.

00:52:51.720 And then we can take those questions and we can put them onto the show.

00:52:55.160 So I'll be going on next Saturday again,

00:52:57.380 and you'll be able to get on there and submit video questions and get them onto

00:53:01.420 the show.

00:53:02.000 And we have our first one ever.

00:53:03.740 And let's get to it right here.

00:53:06.880 Here we go.

00:53:07.460 You'll be able to hear it on the audio and you'll be able to see it on YouTube.

00:53:10.400 This is our first ever live raise video question via their fan line.

00:53:14.440 Here we go.

00:53:15.260 Hey,

00:53:15.540 Theo,

00:53:16.340 long time fan first.

00:53:18.120 Wow.

00:53:18.620 And look,

00:53:19.060 some of you guys heard that voice.

00:53:20.220 You might think this man is a beautiful urban gentleman.

00:53:23.300 You know,

00:53:23.800 that beautiful mahogany superhero.

00:53:26.560 It's not this boy,

00:53:28.640 man,

00:53:29.100 he looks like a chef boy,

00:53:31.460 RD's kind of grandson a little bit that,

00:53:34.100 you know,

00:53:34.260 used to sell grams,

00:53:35.240 but also makes a mean fucking ratatouille.

00:53:38.600 You know what I'm saying?

00:53:39.220 This boy looks like he's,

00:53:40.500 he looks like the real deal.

00:53:42.800 Let's hear it.

00:53:43.300 Let's hear it.

00:53:43.780 Here we go.

00:53:44.520 Hey,

00:53:44.780 Theo,

00:53:45.600 long time fan.

00:53:46.740 First time caller.

00:53:48.100 God,

00:53:48.600 what did he eat?

00:53:49.280 Detroit man.

00:53:50.200 This dude,

00:53:50.920 he has so much soul.

00:53:52.000 He has so much sultry soul in his voice,

00:53:54.960 man.

00:53:56.980 Yeah.

00:53:57.460 Let's hear more.

00:53:58.180 I'm just wondering what's the right amount of shrooms to take when you go

00:54:03.840 and see Joey Coco Diaz.

00:54:05.980 I just saw him.

00:54:07.420 I dropped an eighth.

00:54:09.580 Wow,

00:54:10.640 man.

00:54:12.360 I'll say this.

00:54:15.780 Joey Coco Diaz is,

00:54:18.020 is a,

00:54:19.740 there's nothing like him.

00:54:22.860 It's like getting to be in the middle of a tornado,

00:54:28.720 but the tornado is made out of joy and laughter and fun.

00:54:38.760 And you know that Joey's heart is so good that no matter what he says,

00:54:42.780 that it's edgy and fun and whatever,

00:54:44.460 and you know,

00:54:44.800 it's real to him,

00:54:45.660 but you know that his heart is good.

00:54:47.180 So you know that he's joking and it just hits you at a core of what's wrong

00:54:56.780 with a lot of our world today is that everybody just goes on what people say

00:55:03.500 or they're,

00:55:04.280 but nobody's at all looking at where people's hearts are at.

00:55:07.280 And you can tell that immediately.

00:55:08.520 You could tell where people's hearts are.

00:55:10.840 It's the easiest thing to tell,

00:55:12.840 you know,

00:55:15.300 in Coco Diaz's heart is,

00:55:17.020 it's,

00:55:17.340 it's in the right spot,

00:55:18.700 baby.

00:55:19.880 I mean,

00:55:20.500 it's almost like,

00:55:22.080 you know,

00:55:22.940 you know,

00:55:24.600 who's that John Wilkes Booth or something?

00:55:26.580 Who's that famous designer?

00:55:29.180 Or,

00:55:29.900 you know,

00:55:30.140 guy that does buildings,

00:55:31.080 who does draws buildings?

00:55:34.700 Frank Lloyd Webber.

00:55:36.640 It's almost like Frank Lloyd Webber designed exactly where to put Coco Diaz's heart.

00:55:42.100 So you know,

00:55:43.300 everything in there is fun because you know,

00:55:44.940 he's coming from a place of good.

00:55:47.140 And so no matter what he says,

00:55:48.880 it's fun and it's fun for everybody.

00:55:51.800 And man,

00:55:52.560 it taking shrooms on it.

00:55:54.940 Ooh,

00:55:56.340 I don't know,

00:55:59.000 but you said,

00:56:00.000 bro,

00:56:00.220 you had fun,

00:56:01.060 man.

00:56:01.300 You guys got to see this guy.

00:56:02.200 If you look at him on the YouTube,

00:56:03.240 man,

00:56:03.380 he's a beautiful guy.

00:56:04.760 This guy's beautiful.

00:56:05.760 And he went in there,

00:56:06.620 shroomed up this sultry gentleman right here.

00:56:08.940 He went in there,

00:56:09.800 shroomed up and got it done.

00:56:11.040 And I wouldn't,

00:56:12.200 I couldn't take any,

00:56:13.560 but I'm glad you did,

00:56:15.760 man.

00:56:15.920 I'm glad you went there that I bet it's a beautiful way to see Diaz.

00:56:19.860 Cause it's almost like,

00:56:20.920 you know,

00:56:21.140 when you're on mushrooms,

00:56:21.900 you want to see something natural.

00:56:23.540 You want to see something real that came out of the universe.

00:56:26.100 You want to see something special.

00:56:27.740 And Joey Diaz is the only comedian ever.

00:56:31.440 I was talking with,

00:56:32.660 um,

00:56:33.220 with Joe Rogan about this the other day,

00:56:35.020 the only comedian ever where I found myself,

00:56:37.400 found myself standing out of my seat,

00:56:40.440 cheering and laughing at the same time.

00:56:42.740 Like it's fucking 1910 and a warship with my dad just came back to the shore in San Diego.

00:56:50.680 Like,

00:56:50.980 you know what I'm saying?

00:56:51.500 Like I'd never done anything like that in my life.

00:56:55.340 Out of my seat,

00:56:56.740 cheering.

00:56:58.060 What?

00:56:58.360 And I was doing that.

00:57:00.940 And I was living like that because he has a special gift.

00:57:04.660 And Joe Rogan says this a lot.

00:57:06.060 It's like,

00:57:06.520 what is people's intention?

00:57:08.880 That's what the,

00:57:09.640 that's what,

00:57:10.220 that's what matters.

00:57:11.280 What is somebody's intention?

00:57:13.300 Cause that's what's killing comedy.

00:57:15.640 And the truth is,

00:57:16.600 I don't think things,

00:57:17.320 things are killing it anymore.

00:57:18.960 I think you have guys like,

00:57:20.920 um,

00:57:21.900 you know,

00:57:22.380 you have guys who are funny with,

00:57:24.500 with good hearts,

00:57:25.440 who are out there fighting every day for comedy to be based on intention.

00:57:31.480 And I think that it's coming back around.

00:57:33.280 And that's why I follow,

00:57:34.500 you know,

00:57:34.980 guys that I follow.

00:57:36.040 And that's why I look up to guys that I look up to because they're,

00:57:39.680 they're pioneers.

00:57:42.360 This old shit of being offended by everything.

00:57:44.500 That shit is done,

00:57:45.900 bro.

00:57:46.640 You want to live there?

00:57:47.820 Then you choose to live there.

00:57:49.900 That's a choice.

00:57:51.600 Oh,

00:57:52.100 somebody can't say this.

00:57:53.140 Somebody,

00:57:53.460 people can say whatever they want.

00:57:56.140 What's their intention.

00:57:58.700 Look,

00:57:59.140 you want to use a racial slur,

00:58:00.820 go use it,

00:58:02.020 but go use it around that race.

00:58:04.240 See how that works out for you.

00:58:07.320 Dude,

00:58:07.780 I grew up in the South,

00:58:08.920 man.

00:58:09.120 You want to,

00:58:09.560 you want to drop an in bomb around somebody that might have a different skin

00:58:13.720 tone than you.

00:58:14.860 You're going to learn really fast that that's not a comfortable choice.

00:58:21.080 Cause people know people's intention,

00:58:23.480 you know,

00:58:25.200 intention,

00:58:26.020 man.

00:58:26.240 That's what,

00:58:26.800 and that's where,

00:58:28.520 that's where I'm trying to live.

00:58:30.420 And that's where these guys live,

00:58:31.860 man.

00:58:32.020 So Coco Diaz,

00:58:32.960 you know,

00:58:33.300 I don't care if you saw him and you were on your last leg.

00:58:35.880 I don't care if you out there,

00:58:37.160 you know,

00:58:37.500 drinking bone marrow out of a can because you're,

00:58:40.120 you know,

00:58:40.280 you might not make it any condition you see him in.

00:58:43.960 That's a beautiful condition.

00:58:45.280 But that one eighth boy,

00:58:46.800 that sounds good,

00:58:54.840 bro.

00:58:55.900 That's what I like about the mushrooms,

00:58:57.720 boy.

00:58:58.940 You know,

00:58:59.620 when I used to eat them mushrooms,

00:59:01.220 do you start fucking looking for yourself?

00:59:03.520 And that's crazy because you are yourself.

00:59:09.740 And that's man,

00:59:11.740 that's a beautiful treat.

00:59:13.520 Let's go to another call that came in.

00:59:15.940 Thank you guys for calling.

00:59:16.940 And thank you for that live raise fan line question.

00:59:19.100 You can do those now.

00:59:20.060 And so it's,

00:59:20.560 we just want to add another element to the YouTube where people can see

00:59:23.140 what's going on.

00:59:23.980 And that's live raise.

00:59:26.060 You can check out their app,

00:59:26.960 check them out through Instagram and we'll have the link below.

00:59:30.080 And that way on Saturday,

00:59:30.920 when I go live,

00:59:32.320 I'll let you know when I'm doing that,

00:59:33.840 I'll put it in my Instagram story.

00:59:35.040 You can jump on there and submit a question and I won't answer it then,

00:59:38.580 but I will answer it on next Monday's episode.

00:59:41.080 Here we go.

00:59:42.180 Another follow-up call from last week's episode of this past weekend.

00:59:45.180 Yeah,

00:59:46.860 this is Kevin from New Jersey calling about the dude who,

00:59:50.820 his sister,

00:59:51.780 19 year olds banging the 39 year old dude.

00:59:54.820 Yep.

00:59:55.520 We had that call last week.

00:59:56.760 The gentleman called his sister was 19 and dating a 39 year old.

01:00:03.620 Onward.

01:00:05.600 I think for sure he needs to beat his ass.

01:00:08.040 He needs to put a stop to that.

01:00:09.360 That's definitely the dark arts.

01:00:11.740 And just the fact that he's got to call the hotline and ask for a

01:00:15.080 suggestions kind of questionable,

01:00:17.160 but yeah,

01:00:20.720 I mean,

01:00:21.120 yeah,

01:00:21.600 you would think for most people it is questionable,

01:00:23.940 you know,

01:00:24.660 let's hear more Kevin.

01:00:25.920 Anyway,

01:00:26.960 that's it.

01:00:27.640 Thanks man.

01:00:28.800 You bet,

01:00:29.420 man.

01:00:29.580 Thanks for calling bro.

01:00:30.380 And that's how they handle it over there in New Jersey.

01:00:32.280 That dude's doing that.

01:00:34.580 You got to tighten that ass up on that dude.

01:00:36.740 39 year old,

01:00:38.020 you know,

01:00:38.980 and he's staying up at night and just licking the freckles off of your,

01:00:41.660 off of your,

01:00:42.420 off your 19 year old sister's neck.

01:00:46.640 Dude,

01:00:47.160 I'd beat those freckles out of that man.

01:00:51.660 I think I would,

01:00:52.800 but then look,

01:00:53.780 but then look,

01:00:55.180 I look at my own life and I'm like,

01:00:58.000 well shit.

01:00:58.500 My mother was 32 when I was born.

01:01:01.940 My father was 70.

01:01:04.020 So what is that?

01:01:07.480 Nope.

01:01:07.820 Somebody should have probably whooped somebody's ass there,

01:01:10.020 but then I don't even exist.

01:01:14.820 You know,

01:01:15.440 there's different sides to it.

01:01:17.140 There's different worlds.

01:01:18.340 And look,

01:01:19.460 I don't think it was right.

01:01:22.000 Probably what my parents did,

01:01:24.620 you know?

01:01:24.980 I mean,

01:01:25.760 I think my father was probably looking to,

01:01:28.440 you know,

01:01:29.260 create a,

01:01:30.220 just more of a legacy,

01:01:31.260 something,

01:01:31.480 anything to keep him living,

01:01:32.520 to feel like he was living more and being virile as a senior,

01:01:37.640 you know,

01:01:38.080 when you spray it out and that spray is growing up and going to kindergarten,

01:01:41.600 you know,

01:01:42.060 that's got to make you feel,

01:01:43.220 you know,

01:01:44.700 voracious and you can keep moving forward.

01:01:48.380 But thank you for calling Kevin and a shout out to everybody in Jersey,

01:01:51.520 dude.

01:01:52.700 People always look down on New Jersey for different types of shit.

01:01:55.120 man.

01:01:55.380 Fuck that.

01:01:56.680 Jersey's the realest,

01:01:57.660 bruh.

01:01:58.540 You can't even get real in Manhattan anymore.

01:02:00.280 Go get,

01:02:00.660 you can't get mugged in Manhattan.

01:02:02.160 Go on.

01:02:03.160 Even the pigeons,

01:02:04.080 bruh.

01:02:04.240 All the dopest pigeons are the ones that'll shit on you.

01:02:07.200 They're all out in Queens.

01:02:08.540 Now they've been evicted.

01:02:10.720 All the,

01:02:11.320 the best pigeons that,

01:02:12.620 you know,

01:02:13.180 them carrier pigeons every now and then you see a pigeon with a fucking grandma blow in

01:02:17.100 its mouth.

01:02:18.040 You know,

01:02:18.320 one of them little fricking short baggies.

01:02:20.880 You can't even see that in Manhattan anymore.

01:02:22.800 That shit.

01:02:23.080 So it's all this,

01:02:23.960 the elites elites only.

01:02:26.000 That's what they should call Manhattan.

01:02:28.340 You can't find a fucking regular.

01:02:30.060 You can't find a poor person in Manhattan.

01:02:32.680 That's for this for rich only,

01:02:34.160 bruh.

01:02:34.420 You can come visit.

01:02:37.340 You know,

01:02:37.800 you could ride the big bus through the middle,

01:02:39.680 that double decker.

01:02:41.240 But if you want to,

01:02:42.080 you can't get shit on by a real bird anymore.

01:02:44.160 You can't even get stabbed in Manhattan.

01:02:47.260 Dude,

01:02:47.620 when I was,

01:02:48.220 when I was,

01:02:49.020 the first time I went to New York,

01:02:50.860 dude,

01:02:51.120 I dropped a dildo in a damn bodega.

01:02:54.020 And,

01:02:54.240 you know,

01:02:54.880 and shit got weird after that or whatever.

01:02:57.480 And before that,

01:02:59.440 but that was,

01:03:00.140 that was Manhattan.

01:03:02.260 You know,

01:03:03.120 I saw it.

01:03:03.660 They had to do jumped off a building back in the day.

01:03:07.400 When I was there and Rob,

01:03:09.160 they had a senior citizen lady out there with this skirt on.

01:03:12.580 And she goes,

01:03:13.340 did you see it?

01:03:14.180 And I'm like,

01:03:14.640 did I see the guy?

01:03:16.140 She goes,

01:03:16.680 did you see it?

01:03:17.360 I'm like,

01:03:17.600 I'm like,

01:03:18.100 did I see what?

01:03:18.900 The guy jumped off the building.

01:03:20.060 And then she stayed up.

01:03:21.820 Show me that fricking that bird holster,

01:03:24.380 bruh.

01:03:25.040 This lady just showed me her crotch out of the blue.

01:03:27.600 And I was like,

01:03:28.200 what?

01:03:29.920 And that was New York.

01:03:31.140 That was Manhattan.

01:03:32.360 Now you want to get real.

01:03:33.480 You better go into the boroughs.

01:03:34.780 You better go in Brooklyn.

01:03:36.300 You that shit.

01:03:38.180 It's real,

01:03:39.020 but is it's,

01:03:40.140 but it's,

01:03:41.240 is it?

01:03:42.700 You can't find any new,

01:03:43.880 any newsies out there.

01:03:46.420 Where the newsies at?

01:03:47.740 They're all out in Queens now.

01:03:49.520 Bronx.

01:03:50.520 Fat Joe country.

01:03:52.260 They're all out in Hasbrook Heights.

01:03:53.900 They're out there.

01:03:55.440 They're out there in New Jersey.

01:03:56.860 That's where they're at.

01:03:58.060 All them real boys moving out.

01:04:00.820 It's for the elites,

01:04:02.060 bruh.

01:04:02.560 Is it?

01:04:03.820 Maybe I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

01:04:05.460 Have you thought about that?

01:04:07.680 Think about that as well.

01:04:09.680 All right,

01:04:10.040 let's get to another call here.

01:04:11.300 Here we go.

01:04:12.280 Hey,

01:04:12.520 what's going on to you?

01:04:13.860 This is Rico here from down in California.

01:04:17.000 What's up Rico out there in Downey?

01:04:18.680 And I've been out there

01:04:19.520 by Downey

01:04:20.040 before I ran out of gas

01:04:21.700 out there one time.

01:04:23.560 And a man,

01:04:24.400 this is,

01:04:24.880 this is,

01:04:25.940 you know,

01:04:26.360 where I think it could have honestly

01:04:27.460 was one of those people

01:04:28.380 at a service station.

01:04:29.920 You know,

01:04:30.120 it could have been a man,

01:04:30.840 could have been a woman.

01:04:31.560 They were real,

01:04:32.060 you know,

01:04:33.100 they,

01:04:33.280 they had a lot of dirt

01:04:35.220 and,

01:04:35.560 you know,

01:04:35.800 combust,

01:04:36.220 you know,

01:04:36.560 smog had really heavily affected

01:04:39.760 by the smog

01:04:40.600 in their hair

01:04:41.700 and everything

01:04:42.200 and pores.

01:04:43.380 So anyhow,

01:04:44.060 a man or woman

01:04:44.520 tried to climb in my sunroof,

01:04:46.160 dude,

01:04:46.460 and I was fending them out

01:04:48.620 and then all they wanted was

01:04:50.240 a hit of my big gulp.

01:04:52.140 So I fucking gave,

01:04:53.340 you know,

01:04:55.200 this person a hit of that big gulp

01:04:57.140 and then,

01:04:59.240 then they gave it back to me.

01:05:01.460 And then I'm like,

01:05:02.200 well,

01:05:02.300 what the fuck?

01:05:02.740 I don't want it anymore.

01:05:03.540 So,

01:05:03.700 you know,

01:05:03.780 I rolled down the window

01:05:04.360 and gave it to them full.

01:05:05.900 And so that's,

01:05:06.280 I think a lot of time,

01:05:06.920 a trick sometimes of,

01:05:08.640 you know,

01:05:09.120 of these,

01:05:09.860 I guess these are just kind of

01:05:11.140 soda pop spies really

01:05:13.720 because they spy

01:05:14.460 and they see somebody

01:05:15.060 hitting a big gulp

01:05:15.700 and they come in

01:05:16.280 through the,

01:05:16.740 through the sunroof

01:05:20.660 and then they get that sip

01:05:23.180 and then they know

01:05:23.640 you're not going to want

01:05:24.140 the rest of it.

01:05:24.660 But anyhow,

01:05:25.120 I got taken advantage of.

01:05:26.380 Thank you for calling Rico.

01:05:27.520 Onward.

01:05:28.260 Just listening.

01:05:28.940 I wanted to call in

01:05:29.840 about our old boy

01:05:31.700 who has a 19-year-old sister.

01:05:33.940 Fuck.

01:05:34.620 Dating that,

01:05:35.300 whatever,

01:05:35.720 39,

01:05:36.360 35-year-old man.

01:05:37.840 I tell you what,

01:05:38.740 man,

01:05:38.980 I tell you what,

01:05:39.960 I got a sister.

01:05:40.620 She's about,

01:05:41.400 she's almost 17 years old.

01:05:43.300 And if I,

01:05:43.900 if I found out,

01:05:45.680 you know,

01:05:46.020 she was,

01:05:46.420 she was dating some guy

01:05:47.620 that was 39,

01:05:49.020 I'd call him up.

01:05:50.120 Hey man,

01:05:50.680 I need to see you

01:05:51.580 and we need to have a,

01:05:52.460 have a face-to-face,

01:05:53.920 a man-to-man conversation.

01:05:56.100 There you go,

01:05:57.000 right there.

01:05:57.400 Now that's a good point.

01:05:58.840 That's a really good point.

01:06:00.140 And this makes me think too,

01:06:01.300 even back to my own existence,

01:06:02.640 my mother was 32.

01:06:03.980 So that's different.

01:06:05.380 This is a 19-year-old.

01:06:06.960 My mother was 32,

01:06:07.980 making at least

01:06:08.520 32-year-old

01:06:09.520 female choices.

01:06:11.540 Let's hear more.

01:06:13.300 And when he met me

01:06:14.020 to have that conversation,

01:06:15.040 look,

01:06:15.240 I'm,

01:06:15.560 I'm 23 years old.

01:06:17.220 I meet him up,

01:06:17.960 I tell him,

01:06:18.440 hey man,

01:06:18.840 I'm trying my best.

01:06:20.120 Everything in my body

01:06:21.460 tells me to whip

01:06:22.380 your ass

01:06:23.380 right here,

01:06:24.360 right now.

01:06:25.460 Everything in my body

01:06:26.600 wanted to put a little

01:06:27.440 jiu-jitsu

01:06:28.000 on your neck

01:06:28.900 and snap that shit,

01:06:30.260 brother.

01:06:32.940 Damn,

01:06:33.520 boy.

01:06:34.440 They change it,

01:06:35.560 man.

01:06:35.860 They fucking,

01:06:36.420 they switching up

01:06:37.580 vertebraes,

01:06:38.720 dude.

01:06:39.760 He,

01:06:40.220 dude,

01:06:40.520 Rico's about to play

01:06:41.540 Jenga with somebody's

01:06:42.600 vertebraes over there.

01:06:43.760 Let's hear more.

01:06:44.980 Tell him,

01:06:45.440 look,

01:06:45.620 man,

01:06:45.860 you,

01:06:46.160 she's not even out

01:06:47.200 of her teens yet,

01:06:48.380 bro.

01:06:48.640 Not even out of her teens yet.

01:06:50.420 And you got some fucking

01:06:51.520 old,

01:06:52.660 saggy,

01:06:53.220 bald,

01:06:54.020 wrinkly fucking

01:06:54.940 body,

01:06:56.040 no hair

01:06:56.780 because he's losing it all,

01:06:58.020 motherfucker,

01:06:58.660 hollering at your little sister?

01:07:00.240 No way.

01:07:01.140 Tell him he'd never be

01:07:02.160 welcome into the family.

01:07:04.040 He'd never even,

01:07:05.060 don't,

01:07:05.680 tell him never to be

01:07:06.520 comfortable around me.

01:07:07.940 Don't ever be comfortable

01:07:09.120 around me.

01:07:09.760 And it's got to end

01:07:10.480 and you can't control her

01:07:11.640 and you can't control him.

01:07:13.760 But let him know

01:07:14.520 he will never

01:07:15.300 be welcome

01:07:16.240 in that family.

01:07:18.200 In that family.

01:07:19.700 Wow.

01:07:20.440 There you go.

01:07:21.260 And I love that line

01:07:22.180 that you said,

01:07:22.660 do you never

01:07:24.060 be comfortable

01:07:24.780 around me?

01:07:27.980 Oh,

01:07:28.700 that's a savage line

01:07:29.760 right there.

01:07:30.520 You know,

01:07:30.840 and that's a respect

01:07:31.600 to a level of respect

01:07:32.740 and you know,

01:07:33.760 it's also showing up

01:07:35.560 and it's showing respect.

01:07:36.340 You're not whipping

01:07:36.820 the dude's ass

01:07:37.700 but you say

01:07:38.920 you're letting him know

01:07:39.980 point blank

01:07:40.900 you do not ever

01:07:42.980 be comfortable

01:07:43.740 around me.

01:07:45.920 You know,

01:07:46.460 and that brings me back,

01:07:48.160 you know,

01:07:48.840 my sister and my brother

01:07:49.820 used to live together

01:07:50.520 for a little while

01:07:51.360 and my sister

01:07:53.580 dated all kind

01:07:54.820 of wild cats

01:07:55.680 and I think

01:07:57.720 that just in our family

01:07:58.620 we've dated,

01:07:59.380 you know,

01:07:59.600 we don't date well.

01:08:01.780 And one time

01:08:04.560 a man showed up

01:08:05.620 and honked a horn.

01:08:08.160 You know,

01:08:08.780 this man,

01:08:09.220 my sister was dating

01:08:09.960 and boy,

01:08:11.260 my brother ran out there

01:08:12.580 and he told that man

01:08:14.140 to get the fuck

01:08:15.000 out of there.

01:08:16.740 He said,

01:08:17.220 you're going to come

01:08:17.660 and pick my sister

01:08:18.380 up for a date

01:08:19.020 and you're going

01:08:19.720 to come in

01:08:20.260 and you're going

01:08:21.060 to come to the door

01:08:21.840 and you're going

01:08:22.380 to knock.

01:08:23.760 And that was,

01:08:27.060 you know,

01:08:27.380 that's the kind of thing

01:08:28.040 that needs to happen.

01:08:29.720 That's the kind of thing

01:08:30.520 that needs to be done.

01:08:32.540 You know,

01:08:32.980 as men,

01:08:33.600 we have to,

01:08:35.120 you know,

01:08:37.180 we have to embrace

01:08:37.820 our sisters

01:08:38.260 and we have to

01:08:39.100 hold them up.

01:08:41.760 You know,

01:08:42.380 we have to

01:08:43.420 get out of our own lives

01:08:46.000 sometimes,

01:08:46.480 out of what's going

01:08:47.040 on with us

01:08:47.620 and hold men

01:08:49.440 that they spend time

01:08:50.240 with accountable.

01:08:52.420 You know,

01:08:52.900 because I mean,

01:08:53.240 my sister got a,

01:08:54.020 you know,

01:08:54.920 she got really,

01:08:55.780 you know,

01:08:56.200 abused and stuff

01:08:57.260 like this by men

01:08:58.000 that she dated

01:08:58.600 and I don't know,

01:09:00.340 I mean,

01:09:00.820 I don't know

01:09:01.080 if I'm putting her,

01:09:01.680 I'm not trying

01:09:02.060 to put her story

01:09:02.660 out there

01:09:03.040 or anything like that.

01:09:04.260 Maybe she'll come

01:09:04.900 on one day.

01:09:06.620 You know,

01:09:06.860 but she got,

01:09:07.800 you know,

01:09:08.180 and this happens

01:09:08.720 to a lot of women

01:09:09.400 out there

01:09:09.940 and I didn't know

01:09:11.820 my sister then,

01:09:12.480 we weren't close

01:09:13.080 but,

01:09:14.020 you know,

01:09:14.240 as men,

01:09:14.700 we have to do that.

01:09:15.800 You know,

01:09:17.060 sometimes we want

01:09:17.520 to not get along

01:09:18.340 with our sister

01:09:18.880 and that shit's fine.

01:09:19.700 You can not get along

01:09:20.720 with our sister.

01:09:21.420 That's what I'm learning

01:09:22.180 but at the same time

01:09:23.660 I can still be a brother.

01:09:26.960 I can still be a brother.

01:09:28.720 You know,

01:09:29.020 I was talking

01:09:29.460 to a friend of mine

01:09:30.160 the other day

01:09:30.860 and he was saying

01:09:37.920 that his father

01:09:39.060 wasn't good to him.

01:09:40.880 He goes,

01:09:41.620 but just because

01:09:42.240 my father wasn't good

01:09:43.140 to me

01:09:43.660 doesn't mean

01:09:44.880 that I

01:09:45.420 couldn't be

01:09:47.400 a good son

01:09:48.220 to him

01:09:49.040 because I still

01:09:52.100 have my own

01:09:52.780 responsibilities

01:09:53.600 because then

01:09:55.400 years later

01:09:55.940 I might,

01:09:56.660 my father might

01:09:57.500 leave the earth

01:09:58.240 or whatever

01:09:58.720 and I'm sitting

01:10:00.000 there thinking

01:10:00.420 wow,

01:10:01.120 he was never

01:10:01.720 good to me

01:10:02.340 and also

01:10:04.320 I'm thinking

01:10:04.880 wow,

01:10:05.440 I was never

01:10:05.980 good to him

01:10:06.640 and sure

01:10:09.560 you could be like

01:10:10.080 oh well,

01:10:10.860 you know,

01:10:11.520 you weren't good

01:10:12.220 to him

01:10:12.440 because he

01:10:12.760 wasn't good

01:10:13.140 to you

01:10:13.460 but that's

01:10:14.160 where we all

01:10:16.400 fuck up

01:10:17.100 or that's

01:10:17.800 where I fuck up

01:10:18.560 anyway.

01:10:19.220 I'm sorry.

01:10:20.520 I shouldn't have

01:10:21.000 said we all

01:10:21.860 because I don't know.

01:10:23.180 I don't know

01:10:23.600 other people's lives

01:10:24.300 but I know

01:10:24.660 that's where I fuck up

01:10:25.660 when I think

01:10:26.800 that because somebody

01:10:27.500 did something to me

01:10:28.120 then I should do

01:10:28.860 it to them

01:10:29.320 but no,

01:10:31.980 what I do

01:10:32.640 is who I am

01:10:34.620 and sometimes

01:10:37.500 you show somebody

01:10:38.360 enough love

01:10:39.300 you know,

01:10:41.080 you show them

01:10:41.580 what's real

01:10:42.260 and they can

01:10:44.000 and that's how

01:10:45.340 they learn it.

01:10:47.700 You think

01:10:48.300 if somebody's a dick

01:10:49.080 to you,

01:10:49.440 you're a dick

01:10:49.860 back to them,

01:10:50.480 they're gonna

01:10:50.760 fucking learn

01:10:51.400 anything else

01:10:51.980 than being a dick.

01:10:53.680 Sure,

01:10:54.180 you gotta be

01:10:54.580 the bigger person

01:10:55.300 but that's

01:10:56.120 you know.

01:11:01.040 I don't know man,

01:11:02.120 it's just I don't

01:11:02.560 mean to go,

01:11:03.200 fuck,

01:11:03.920 I don't know.

01:11:05.480 I'm just like,

01:11:06.100 I think about that shit

01:11:06.780 with the president

01:11:08.300 a lot,

01:11:08.640 with Trump.

01:11:10.700 You know,

01:11:11.080 like I think,

01:11:11.940 I've never been

01:11:12.940 a political man.

01:11:14.740 You know,

01:11:15.100 I think I've never

01:11:16.000 trusted any of these

01:11:16.640 politics.

01:11:17.100 I think we have

01:11:17.480 some of the same

01:11:17.980 problems and I think

01:11:18.560 the problems are us.

01:11:20.540 I think the problems

01:11:21.240 are humans.

01:11:22.860 I think we're

01:11:23.940 getting in this

01:11:24.460 world right now

01:11:25.060 where there's a lot

01:11:25.480 of humans that

01:11:25.920 don't want to

01:11:26.380 even really be,

01:11:27.280 they're not even

01:11:27.680 doing anything.

01:11:29.380 Some people

01:11:29.880 ain't doing nothing

01:11:30.680 and you got other

01:11:31.720 people that want

01:11:32.200 to do something,

01:11:32.840 that want to move,

01:11:33.740 that want to do

01:11:34.300 stuff.

01:11:36.620 And I think

01:11:37.060 sometimes it's like,

01:11:38.480 but you know,

01:11:39.060 and you have these

01:11:39.680 networks and these

01:11:40.960 people that just

01:11:41.940 hate Donald Trump

01:11:42.700 so much,

01:11:43.160 I'm like,

01:11:43.360 what are you

01:11:43.660 teaching this man?

01:11:45.900 What are you

01:11:46.440 teaching him?

01:11:47.860 And I don't

01:11:48.420 hate him.

01:11:48.820 You know,

01:11:51.280 I don't think,

01:11:51.720 I think he's an

01:11:52.260 egomaniac.

01:11:53.260 I think all

01:11:53.760 politicians are.

01:11:54.560 There's no way

01:11:55.900 you get into that.

01:11:57.220 I don't think

01:11:57.480 with having,

01:11:59.140 first of all,

01:11:59.620 you have to have

01:12:00.080 a big ego

01:12:00.640 and that can be

01:12:01.940 okay,

01:12:02.620 but that can also

01:12:03.480 be extremely

01:12:04.360 fucking dangerous,

01:12:05.320 bro.

01:12:06.540 The ego,

01:12:07.360 it reminds me of

01:12:08.060 that volcano in

01:12:09.220 Hawaii.

01:12:10.280 That thing's always

01:12:11.240 trying to sneak

01:12:12.280 live out the

01:12:13.020 side.

01:12:14.820 You know,

01:12:15.040 you think you're,

01:12:16.020 you know,

01:12:16.420 there's nothing that

01:12:17.200 scares me more than

01:12:18.000 ego.

01:12:18.820 It scares me

01:12:19.480 every day I wake

01:12:20.500 up scared

01:12:22.640 that my brain

01:12:23.680 is going to

01:12:24.000 trick me into

01:12:24.880 thinking certain

01:12:25.500 things about

01:12:26.560 myself that are

01:12:27.200 not going to be

01:12:27.740 good for me.

01:12:29.840 But I think

01:12:30.740 that about,

01:12:31.440 you know,

01:12:31.660 it's just like,

01:12:32.280 so much hatred,

01:12:33.720 like,

01:12:33.860 what do you,

01:12:34.340 who's solving

01:12:35.400 anything with

01:12:35.940 all that shit?

01:12:37.520 All of that

01:12:38.180 shit,

01:12:38.520 man.

01:12:39.800 You know,

01:12:40.640 it's just like,

01:12:41.400 does anybody

01:12:43.100 really hate

01:12:44.060 somebody as much

01:12:44.740 as all these

01:12:45.220 news are?

01:12:45.680 It's just like,

01:12:46.400 really?

01:12:46.840 Yeah,

01:12:47.000 hey.

01:12:49.300 Go to

01:12:49.860 fucking work.

01:12:51.600 None of these

01:12:52.200 politicians have

01:12:52.740 ever affected my

01:12:53.460 life.

01:12:53.980 Ever.

01:12:54.980 Ever.

01:12:55.900 I never even

01:12:56.520 seen any of

01:12:57.220 them.

01:12:57.680 I don't think.

01:12:58.800 I thought I saw

01:12:59.600 one of them one

01:13:00.140 time at the

01:13:00.540 airport.

01:13:01.420 I don't know

01:13:01.940 who it was.

01:13:03.980 Onward.

01:13:05.040 What else,

01:13:05.780 man?

01:13:06.720 Thanks for calling,

01:13:07.460 Rico.

01:13:07.700 Let's hear a little,

01:13:08.460 let's take another

01:13:08.940 call here.

01:13:09.540 This is Dalton.

01:13:11.400 Hey,

01:13:11.800 Theo.

01:13:12.100 It's Dalton

01:13:13.500 from Virginia.

01:13:14.880 Wow,

01:13:15.200 that's a wild

01:13:15.660 name,

01:13:16.000 Dalton,

01:13:16.380 bro.

01:13:16.660 I never

01:13:16.980 heard of it

01:13:17.340 before.

01:13:19.360 And that's a

01:13:19.820 risky name,

01:13:20.500 too,

01:13:20.600 if somebody

01:13:20.840 call you

01:13:21.180 Dolt.

01:13:22.400 You know,

01:13:22.740 because that

01:13:22.940 means not

01:13:24.440 super keen

01:13:26.900 to what's

01:13:27.980 happening.

01:13:28.380 But whatever,

01:13:28.920 bro,

01:13:29.200 fuck yeah.

01:13:30.060 That's a great

01:13:30.640 name,

01:13:31.020 dude,

01:13:31.220 because now

01:13:31.660 you're changing

01:13:32.480 that shit.

01:13:34.300 You know?

01:13:35.720 That's like,

01:13:36.280 you know,

01:13:36.940 saying my name's

01:13:37.700 Skimpy.

01:13:39.180 And people are

01:13:39.640 like,

01:13:39.740 are you Skimpy?

01:13:40.420 You're like,

01:13:40.640 no,

01:13:40.900 baby,

01:13:41.140 I'm fucking

01:13:41.520 thick.

01:13:42.680 You're like,

01:13:43.120 oh,

01:13:43.920 okay.

01:13:45.220 So Skimpy's

01:13:46.000 doing something

01:13:46.580 different with

01:13:47.400 it all.

01:13:49.080 Let's hear more,

01:13:50.040 Dalton.

01:13:51.100 This is in

01:13:52.000 response to

01:13:53.060 the secret,

01:13:54.900 the gentleman

01:13:55.400 who wrote in.

01:13:57.280 But on to that,

01:13:58.160 I just wanted to

01:13:58.620 share a little

01:13:58.980 quick personal

01:13:59.720 thing that

01:14:00.780 happened,

01:14:01.200 part of my

01:14:01.580 family.

01:14:02.700 Not real close

01:14:03.520 to my family,

01:14:04.020 but I just

01:14:04.260 know the story.

01:14:05.480 My dad's

01:14:06.160 brother,

01:14:07.140 married,

01:14:08.220 kids,

01:14:08.600 married 20,

01:14:09.380 30,

01:14:09.740 some years,

01:14:10.300 several,

01:14:10.700 three,

01:14:10.920 four kids,

01:14:12.060 one day got a

01:14:12.880 knock at their

01:14:13.300 door and it

01:14:14.460 was a lady,

01:14:16.300 about 28 years

01:14:17.340 old.

01:14:18.380 It was like,

01:14:18.920 you know,

01:14:19.040 I think you

01:14:19.900 might be my

01:14:20.320 father.

01:14:21.220 And so,

01:14:22.080 just showed up

01:14:22.540 out of nowhere.

01:14:23.120 They sat down

01:14:23.880 and kind of went

01:14:24.500 through the

01:14:24.820 timeline and,

01:14:26.360 you know,

01:14:26.560 sure enough,

01:14:27.040 we had been

01:14:27.660 traveling at some

01:14:28.380 point,

01:14:28.760 you know,

01:14:29.000 28 some years

01:14:30.240 ago and had

01:14:31.540 gotten a lady

01:14:32.340 pregnant over,

01:14:33.340 I guess,

01:14:33.600 in Japan or

01:14:34.380 something like

01:14:35.760 that.

01:14:36.740 Damn.

01:14:38.020 That's wild,

01:14:38.800 man.

01:14:38.900 And look,

01:14:39.400 I'll be honest,

01:14:39.860 it would be

01:14:40.160 hard to go to

01:14:40.660 Japan and

01:14:41.040 probably not

01:14:41.380 try to bust

01:14:41.860 a nut

01:14:42.180 somewhere.

01:14:43.620 Think about

01:14:44.180 that.

01:14:45.200 I mean,

01:14:45.620 you know,

01:14:45.960 I remember

01:14:46.280 being young

01:14:46.860 and I was

01:14:47.160 traveling around

01:14:47.680 a good bit

01:14:48.260 and I would

01:14:49.140 want to bust

01:14:49.660 nuts on all

01:14:50.220 these continents,

01:14:51.640 you know?

01:14:52.020 and I remember

01:14:52.600 one night

01:14:52.980 falling asleep

01:14:53.480 thinking I'm

01:14:53.840 gonna bust

01:14:54.280 a nut on

01:14:55.400 all 40

01:14:56.060 fucking

01:14:57.040 continents

01:14:57.480 and then I

01:14:58.540 get up in

01:14:58.840 the morning

01:14:59.180 and there's

01:14:59.500 only seven

01:15:00.100 continents or

01:15:00.700 nine and

01:15:01.600 I'm like,

01:15:01.980 wow.

01:15:03.520 I was just

01:15:04.200 gonna be

01:15:04.460 jerking off

01:15:05.040 in like 31

01:15:05.700 other places

01:15:06.300 for no reason,

01:15:08.220 you know?

01:15:09.420 I mean,

01:15:09.920 that would

01:15:10.080 have been

01:15:10.240 crazy.

01:15:11.400 You know,

01:15:11.560 you're out in

01:15:12.040 fucking Guam

01:15:13.000 beating off

01:15:13.560 and people

01:15:13.780 are like,

01:15:13.960 what are you

01:15:14.240 doing,

01:15:14.640 you know?

01:15:15.260 You're like,

01:15:15.620 I'm settling

01:15:16.120 this land,

01:15:17.720 you know?

01:15:18.580 I got a

01:15:19.240 score to

01:15:19.740 settle with

01:15:20.160 Earth.

01:15:22.140 So,

01:15:22.920 but that,

01:15:23.500 you know,

01:15:23.820 that's,

01:15:24.060 that's,

01:15:24.520 that's something

01:15:26.040 impressive,

01:15:26.720 man.

01:15:26.940 That's something

01:15:27.260 impressive,

01:15:27.880 you know,

01:15:28.780 that she just

01:15:29.360 showed up.

01:15:29.860 That had to

01:15:30.140 be a long

01:15:30.960 fucking lunch,

01:15:31.880 boy.

01:15:32.500 What if your

01:15:32.980 dad had just

01:15:33.480 settled down to

01:15:34.080 a sandwich?

01:15:34.640 He made

01:15:34.880 himself his

01:15:35.340 favorite

01:15:35.680 sandwich.

01:15:36.300 The game

01:15:36.960 is on.

01:15:37.860 His fucking

01:15:38.600 favorite game

01:15:39.940 and then he

01:15:41.680 gets that

01:15:42.160 doorbell ring.

01:15:43.380 He opens it

01:15:44.140 and it's

01:15:44.520 somebody that

01:15:45.980 in his eyes

01:15:46.680 and in his

01:15:47.120 soul,

01:15:47.500 he knows

01:15:47.960 immediately,

01:15:48.860 man,

01:15:49.880 I know her

01:15:50.400 from somewhere,

01:15:51.440 even if he's

01:15:52.000 never met

01:15:52.640 her.

01:15:53.760 And bam,

01:15:54.620 bruh,

01:15:55.160 you got a

01:15:55.640 bonus child.

01:15:57.560 That's crazy.

01:15:59.480 That's crazy.

01:16:01.400 You know,

01:16:01.680 I had a girl

01:16:02.240 reach out to me

01:16:02.700 on Facebook

01:16:03.080 a few years ago,

01:16:04.120 two years ago,

01:16:04.820 and she said

01:16:05.220 that we could

01:16:05.540 be half siblings.

01:16:07.080 And we talked

01:16:08.220 on the phone

01:16:08.620 once and I

01:16:09.820 might try to

01:16:10.200 look her back

01:16:10.620 up and I've

01:16:11.100 never met her

01:16:11.620 and maybe she

01:16:12.220 would actually

01:16:12.520 come on here.

01:16:13.100 It'd be a

01:16:13.320 neat guest to

01:16:13.860 have.

01:16:14.940 That would be

01:16:15.460 a super neat

01:16:15.980 guest.

01:16:16.360 But Dalton,

01:16:18.040 let's hear a

01:16:18.360 little bit more.

01:16:18.840 Here we go.

01:16:19.300 You know,

01:16:19.860 I was 28

01:16:20.580 some years ago

01:16:21.480 and had gotten

01:16:22.700 a lady pregnant

01:16:23.560 over, I guess,

01:16:24.480 in Japan or

01:16:25.220 something like

01:16:26.640 that.

01:16:27.900 But it

01:16:28.860 messed things up

01:16:29.620 for a little bit.

01:16:30.160 People were a

01:16:30.520 little weird for

01:16:31.100 maybe a day or

01:16:31.860 two.

01:16:32.480 But that's not

01:16:32.920 that long if you

01:16:33.540 think about it.

01:16:34.620 She's a great

01:16:35.220 part of the

01:16:35.580 family now.

01:16:36.180 I know they

01:16:36.500 have her over

01:16:37.000 all the time.

01:16:37.780 She has a kid

01:16:38.800 too that they

01:16:39.500 treat just like

01:16:41.000 one of the

01:16:41.320 grandkids from

01:16:42.400 the beginning.

01:16:43.280 It's a fantastic

01:16:44.380 thing now.

01:16:45.060 I know that's a

01:16:45.540 little bit different

01:16:46.660 of a situation,

01:16:47.620 but maybe that

01:16:49.100 experience helped

01:16:49.760 you guys out.

01:16:50.480 I guess you

01:16:51.700 really just never

01:16:52.300 know until you

01:16:53.300 do something about

01:16:54.440 it.

01:16:55.460 Yeah, that's a

01:16:56.380 great point,

01:16:56.840 man.

01:16:57.040 Look, and

01:16:57.340 people, I think,

01:16:58.380 yeah, there's that

01:16:59.160 hiccup in the

01:16:59.720 beginning usually

01:17:00.300 with most things,

01:17:01.400 but then most

01:17:02.160 people want to

01:17:03.100 love.

01:17:04.140 Most people want

01:17:04.840 other people in

01:17:05.640 their life.

01:17:07.920 You know, I

01:17:08.560 think about

01:17:08.960 sometimes I would

01:17:09.700 give anything to

01:17:10.460 have like a

01:17:12.680 little, like a

01:17:13.800 brother or a

01:17:14.480 sister that was

01:17:14.980 really young,

01:17:15.900 you know, like a

01:17:16.360 nine-year-old.

01:17:17.420 You know, that was

01:17:18.180 a nine-year-old

01:17:18.620 right now.

01:17:19.920 Just to see them

01:17:20.840 be alive and

01:17:21.660 just for me to

01:17:22.100 have that

01:17:22.400 experience and

01:17:23.440 watch them be a

01:17:25.180 human and become

01:17:26.000 a human.

01:17:26.760 And, you know, I

01:17:27.320 see it some with

01:17:27.920 my nieces and

01:17:28.540 nephews and

01:17:28.960 that's fine, but

01:17:30.200 it would be really

01:17:30.980 neat to have it as

01:17:31.740 like a brother or

01:17:32.500 a sister, you

01:17:33.420 know, a younger

01:17:34.780 child where I

01:17:36.280 could be a sibling

01:17:37.060 to them in some

01:17:37.900 facet, you

01:17:39.480 know, and a

01:17:40.400 part of their

01:17:40.780 life in some

01:17:41.540 way.

01:17:42.620 Man, that would

01:17:43.080 be, you know,

01:17:44.540 there's just such a

01:17:45.140 blessing, I think,

01:17:45.880 in having children

01:17:46.600 and creating that

01:17:47.360 thing.

01:17:48.660 You know, you

01:17:48.980 don't even realize,

01:17:49.880 I think, when you

01:17:50.460 create a family, you

01:17:51.200 don't even realize

01:17:51.840 probably a lot of

01:17:52.420 the gifts that you

01:17:53.160 you're going to

01:17:53.980 create moments that

01:17:55.340 those siblings are

01:17:56.080 going to have

01:17:56.340 between each other

01:17:57.180 that you can't

01:17:58.880 even fathom.

01:17:59.520 You won't even be

01:18:00.260 there to witness,

01:18:01.220 but there'll be

01:18:01.600 beautiful moments.

01:18:03.480 And that's awesome

01:18:04.120 that, you know,

01:18:04.500 somebody showed up at

01:18:05.220 the door, that's

01:18:05.740 that long knock, and

01:18:07.000 you think it's a

01:18:07.540 pizza delivery, and

01:18:08.540 damn, that's that

01:18:09.720 DNA delivery, you

01:18:11.700 know?

01:18:12.200 Is that, that's

01:18:13.320 DNA giorno, bruh.

01:18:15.140 That's at the door,

01:18:16.120 bruh, and that's

01:18:16.560 forever, and that's

01:18:17.220 family, bruh.

01:18:18.300 You got an extra

01:18:19.060 large, straight up

01:18:19.800 family, dude.

01:18:21.180 Gang, bruh.

01:18:22.200 Where are them

01:18:22.480 two liter colas at?

01:18:23.760 Remember that?

01:18:25.020 They used to get

01:18:25.860 you on that shit.

01:18:26.980 Pizza Hut, no,

01:18:28.360 Domino's, you'd be

01:18:28.940 like, we got that

01:18:29.840 two liter soda.

01:18:32.860 Bruh, I remember

01:18:33.380 this one dude, one

01:18:34.260 time, we ordered a

01:18:35.500 bunch of pizza to

01:18:36.100 this party, and he

01:18:37.200 came out, he'd been

01:18:37.940 drinking, delivering

01:18:38.620 pizzas, and he

01:18:39.680 skirted off the

01:18:40.360 road because the

01:18:41.000 road was fucking

01:18:42.020 super dangerous.

01:18:42.860 It wasn't even a

01:18:43.420 road.

01:18:44.040 It was just like a

01:18:44.660 place where people

01:18:45.320 would try to drive

01:18:46.760 down it and

01:18:47.460 basically just mostly

01:18:48.740 almost die, and

01:18:50.160 sometimes really die.

01:18:51.900 And he fucking, this

01:18:53.160 dude slipped off into

01:18:54.740 the woods, next thing

01:18:55.580 you know, he's at

01:18:56.020 the door, and he's

01:18:57.320 bleeding and stuff

01:18:58.120 like that, and a

01:18:58.920 couple people kept

01:18:59.520 talking to him at

01:19:00.020 the front door and

01:19:00.940 calling 911 and

01:19:03.080 stuff, and then some

01:19:04.100 other people went

01:19:04.600 around to his car and

01:19:06.600 got the pizzas out.

01:19:07.560 He had like nine

01:19:08.520 pizzas because this

01:19:09.320 dude was, you know,

01:19:10.580 back in the day, you

01:19:11.280 would leave once, and

01:19:12.140 you would just, you

01:19:13.240 might be out there

01:19:13.760 delivering for four

01:19:14.640 hours.

01:19:16.240 And he also had a

01:19:18.260 bunch of two-liter

01:19:18.800 sodas that were just

01:19:19.680 spraying everywhere

01:19:20.460 because they'd been in

01:19:21.080 the car accident, and

01:19:22.600 so they were spraying

01:19:23.360 everywhere.

01:19:23.960 So that's one thing

01:19:24.580 that was kind of a

01:19:25.100 beautiful treat about

01:19:25.780 them sodas is that you

01:19:27.080 could shake them up,

01:19:27.800 and you had a little

01:19:28.240 party right there, and

01:19:29.640 you could spray half of

01:19:30.600 it and drink half of

01:19:31.580 it, and that's kind

01:19:32.680 of nice.

01:19:33.600 Let's hear another

01:19:34.520 call.

01:19:34.840 Here we go.

01:19:35.280 Hey, Gio, it's Alex

01:19:37.800 from Kentucky.

01:19:39.660 I was just calling to

01:19:40.800 comment on the guy who

01:19:42.640 wrote in last week

01:19:43.700 saying that he was a

01:19:45.600 secret, and I wanted

01:19:46.980 him to know that he

01:19:47.600 ain't alone out there,

01:19:48.540 that I, myself, was

01:19:50.760 also a secret.

01:19:52.280 My mother and a guy

01:19:54.840 hooked up whenever they

01:19:56.780 were young, had me, and

01:19:59.840 then the guy, you know,

01:20:01.720 like I said, they were

01:20:02.260 just kids, and the guy

01:20:03.840 kind of ran away or

01:20:04.920 whatever.

01:20:05.760 She moved back to

01:20:06.460 Kentucky with me, and

01:20:09.420 met up with my, who I

01:20:11.200 always thought was my

01:20:12.580 dad, my real dad.

01:20:14.300 I had a little sister,

01:20:15.680 who was five years

01:20:16.220 younger than me.

01:20:17.360 I never thought

01:20:17.900 anything other until I

01:20:19.380 got at the age of

01:20:20.040 about 13, and of

01:20:22.240 course, small town

01:20:23.340 gossip.

01:20:24.180 The man who raised me

01:20:24.940 wasn't my real father.

01:20:26.420 Wow.

01:20:27.440 And that's a wild

01:20:28.240 rumor to hear around

01:20:29.020 town, because, you know,

01:20:30.620 I remember hearing shit

01:20:31.560 like, you know, there

01:20:33.540 was a man that

01:20:34.140 sleeps, you know,

01:20:34.960 outdoors at night

01:20:35.840 without a tent, and I

01:20:37.360 remember hearing shit

01:20:38.100 that, you know, somebody

01:20:38.800 was cross-breeding

01:20:39.640 animals, and you would

01:20:41.340 hear stuff like, you

01:20:42.320 know, you know, there's

01:20:44.700 a woman that had, they

01:20:45.500 had a woman that kept

01:20:46.320 like a rare coin.

01:20:48.640 She had a wig, and

01:20:49.280 she would keep a rare

01:20:49.960 coin under it, and so we

01:20:51.880 would always be plotting

01:20:53.060 in ways to, like, you

01:20:54.420 know, get that wig off

01:20:55.440 and, you know, get that

01:20:56.220 treasure.

01:20:57.420 But to hear that, you

01:20:59.580 know, that you got a

01:21:00.540 different family, that's a

01:21:01.540 unique rumor.

01:21:02.260 Let's hear more.

01:21:03.280 And then right at about

01:21:04.500 that same time, he

01:21:05.880 passed away, wrecked a

01:21:07.260 semi-truck, and died.

01:21:09.100 Damn.

01:21:11.600 Semi.

01:21:12.360 That's sad, man.

01:21:15.180 That semi-truck, bro.

01:21:16.460 Those things are fucking

01:21:17.180 dangerous.

01:21:18.020 You get hit by that

01:21:18.820 shit or anything, man.

01:21:19.840 You fucked up.

01:21:20.500 And they're square in

01:21:21.460 the front.

01:21:22.580 You know, mostly.

01:21:23.380 Remember the old ones

01:21:24.340 were just straight up

01:21:25.120 square, didn't even have

01:21:25.720 a nose on them?

01:21:26.620 What the fuck, man?

01:21:27.960 But I'm sorry to hear

01:21:28.940 that, bud.

01:21:29.480 I'm sorry to hear that.

01:21:30.940 I finally retched out.

01:21:32.200 I have three sisters,

01:21:34.640 other than the one I was

01:21:35.440 raised with, and two

01:21:37.120 brothers.

01:21:37.900 And I'm the oldest of

01:21:38.840 all of them.

01:21:40.300 They're great people.

01:21:41.700 I finally went up there

01:21:42.580 and met them.

01:21:43.520 Got to hang out with

01:21:44.220 them and everything.

01:21:44.800 I never met the dad or

01:21:46.920 whatever.

01:21:47.740 Mike's his name.

01:21:49.660 Yeah, man.

01:21:50.900 Yeah, man.

01:21:51.960 Well, look.

01:21:52.560 There you go.

01:21:53.100 You never know.

01:21:54.140 You never know when,

01:21:55.000 you know.

01:21:55.640 And that's a gift.

01:21:57.500 It's a gift.

01:21:58.280 So your family gets

01:21:59.220 bigger and your heart

01:22:00.080 gets bigger and it's a

01:22:00.920 little more unique.

01:22:02.520 It's the same thing

01:22:03.520 with thinking.

01:22:04.620 It's the same thing

01:22:05.480 when, you know,

01:22:06.040 you had an eight box

01:22:06.940 and now you got that

01:22:07.760 64 hitter.

01:22:08.900 Somebody showed up.

01:22:10.460 And you got fucking

01:22:11.280 new family.

01:22:12.220 You got new senior

01:22:12.980 citizens.

01:22:13.500 They got pets.

01:22:14.860 You know, look at

01:22:15.300 little Marco, the

01:22:16.240 fucking

01:22:16.620 Chichen Itzis.

01:22:19.740 You know, you got it

01:22:20.500 all.

01:22:21.700 And everything changes

01:22:22.780 and that's it, man.

01:22:23.700 Sometimes we just, we

01:22:24.400 get so stuck, we don't

01:22:25.680 want to change.

01:22:27.800 And that's one thing,

01:22:28.840 man, I swear to God,

01:22:29.840 dude, I've been thinking

01:22:30.480 about the past couple

01:22:31.140 days.

01:22:31.560 I'd never thought, you

01:22:33.460 know, just even just

01:22:34.240 going on a Joe Rogan's

01:22:35.240 podcast and thinking

01:22:36.180 about, and I'm not

01:22:37.720 trying to keep name

01:22:38.400 dropping that.

01:22:38.920 I'm just, it shook me.

01:22:41.500 You know, I just woke

01:22:42.580 up the next day thinking,

01:22:43.560 wow, what if there's

01:22:44.360 different universes?

01:22:46.080 And what if you met

01:22:48.000 yourself?

01:22:48.500 Would you like

01:22:49.020 yourself?

01:22:50.740 And just my mind was

01:22:51.900 a little more open.

01:22:54.060 And your heart's a

01:22:55.060 little more open when

01:22:55.740 you get that kind of

01:22:56.460 thing, when you get

01:22:56.960 that new family member.

01:22:58.520 Thank you for calling

01:22:59.360 in, man.

01:23:00.560 Let's hear a little,

01:23:02.560 let's hear this,

01:23:03.760 dude.

01:23:05.140 All right, we got this

01:23:05.900 write-in that came in.

01:23:07.560 And this is a text that

01:23:09.440 came into the hotline.

01:23:10.680 Hey, Theo, my name is

01:23:11.500 Zach from Houston.

01:23:12.660 Shout out, H-Town.

01:23:14.400 I'm 20.

01:23:15.000 I'm texting from the

01:23:15.680 hotline because I'm

01:23:16.400 having brain surgery on

01:23:17.820 Monday, the 21st.

01:23:19.560 I probably should have

01:23:20.320 said procedure because

01:23:21.200 surgery sounds aggressive,

01:23:22.540 but it's not major brain

01:23:23.840 surgery.

01:23:24.280 They ain't cracking my

01:23:25.060 skull open or anything.

01:23:27.040 They're going through my

01:23:27.860 artery to shoot some glue

01:23:29.020 to make this thing stop

01:23:30.020 growing.

01:23:31.200 Damn, I don't know what's

01:23:31.900 growing in your head,

01:23:32.680 bro, but, you know, if

01:23:34.660 it ain't ideas or hope,

01:23:36.240 then it's probably pretty

01:23:37.740 painful.

01:23:38.560 And I'm sorry to hear

01:23:39.440 that, dude.

01:23:40.800 You know, and I

01:23:41.380 appreciate you telling me

01:23:42.120 about this.

01:23:43.500 I don't understand it,

01:23:44.480 but the doctors do, so

01:23:45.480 I'm going to trust them.

01:23:46.600 That's huge.

01:23:47.960 That's huge to trust

01:23:49.380 others.

01:23:50.400 That's big, man.

01:23:51.620 That's a huge, that's in

01:23:52.480 a very adult move, man.

01:23:53.680 You say you're 20.

01:23:54.880 That's a very adult move

01:23:56.380 because you're sitting

01:23:58.560 there just so scared and

01:23:59.840 concerned because you

01:24:01.000 don't trust them.

01:24:01.900 That's, I can only imagine

01:24:03.620 how painful that would be.

01:24:05.220 And so for you to put

01:24:06.040 trust into them, that's

01:24:07.000 very huge, man.

01:24:07.960 I'm going to trust them.

01:24:11.000 The thing is I'm nervous

01:24:11.820 about is forgetting things

01:24:12.780 or having a stroke, which

01:24:13.740 could happen.

01:24:14.380 It's rare, but it

01:24:15.040 happens.

01:24:15.720 I'm not afraid to die, so

01:24:16.800 I kind of hope I die

01:24:17.660 instead of have a stroke or

01:24:18.660 be disabled.

01:24:20.060 Man, that's brave of you,

01:24:21.380 dude.

01:24:22.240 You know, and I, you know,

01:24:23.760 yeah.

01:24:26.100 Sometimes, yeah.

01:24:27.600 Because look, you might

01:24:28.380 come right back.

01:24:29.800 God might need you right

01:24:31.020 back.

01:24:32.300 You know, right back,

01:24:33.340 Zach.

01:24:33.620 You might be that dude

01:24:34.340 right back, Zach, that you

01:24:36.200 live for 20 years and you

01:24:37.480 pop right back and they

01:24:39.320 need you somewhere else.

01:24:40.240 We need Zach over here.

01:24:41.140 We need him in Wisconsin.

01:24:42.160 We need him in Houston

01:24:43.040 again.

01:24:44.140 You know, we need Zach and

01:24:45.120 Zaire.

01:24:46.520 Like, people are like,

01:24:47.160 damn, Zach's and Zaire.

01:24:49.780 You know, you might have,

01:24:50.900 that might be for you.

01:24:52.400 That might be God's plan

01:24:53.680 for you, bro, or the

01:24:54.780 higher power's plan for

01:24:55.780 you.

01:24:55.920 Whatever you want to

01:24:56.580 think, whatever you want

01:24:57.200 to call it, that's fine.

01:24:59.620 People get skirtish on the

01:25:01.980 God thing.

01:25:02.380 That's three letters, baby.

01:25:04.700 That's just the quickest

01:25:05.440 way to say you know

01:25:06.340 what I'm saying is

01:25:07.680 something else out there

01:25:08.780 pushing the pieces,

01:25:10.260 playing the chessboard.

01:25:13.040 But yeah, man, let me

01:25:14.000 read a little bit more.

01:25:14.740 So in case I forget

01:25:15.440 something, I can read

01:25:16.440 this and jog my memory.

01:25:19.660 You really funny.

01:25:20.800 Keep up the podcast and

01:25:21.960 stand up and hope that

01:25:22.820 show gets picked up on

01:25:23.720 Comedy Central.

01:25:25.200 Man, that's so nice of

01:25:26.320 you, dude.

01:25:27.920 You know, here you are,

01:25:30.220 you know, and he sent

01:25:31.040 this.

01:25:31.220 This came in yesterday.

01:25:32.020 And here you are, you

01:25:34.940 know, you might be on

01:25:35.660 your way out and you're

01:25:37.380 thinking about me, man.

01:25:38.560 Thank you.

01:25:39.520 You know, when you're

01:25:40.000 thinking about us, you're

01:25:40.800 not just, I know you're

01:25:41.520 thinking about a lot of

01:25:42.160 people, but you know, you

01:25:43.680 wanted to say you're funny

01:25:44.700 and keep up the podcast and

01:25:45.920 stand up.

01:25:46.980 And I will, man.

01:25:48.500 And look, and I'll be

01:25:49.460 looking out for you.

01:25:50.200 If you go to heaven, man,

01:25:50.960 we'll be looking out for

01:25:51.620 you on the flip side.

01:25:52.760 That's right back, Zach.

01:25:54.200 And if you don't go, then

01:25:55.540 when I come to Houston, man,

01:25:56.860 come out and be my guest,

01:25:57.860 please.

01:25:58.900 And look, I might make

01:26:01.060 you laugh.

01:26:01.560 You might have a stroke

01:26:02.460 then, bro.

01:26:03.140 How crazy would that be,

01:26:04.680 dude?

01:26:05.100 Oh, this is so fucked up.

01:26:06.320 I shouldn't be thinking

01:26:07.000 about this.

01:26:08.060 But we love you, bro.

01:26:08.920 Thanks for reaching out,

01:26:09.800 dude.

01:26:10.440 You have a lot of people

01:26:11.180 thinking about you.

01:26:11.720 You're going to be okay.

01:26:12.820 You're going to be okay

01:26:13.620 either way.

01:26:15.020 You're going to be okay

01:26:15.720 either way, man.

01:26:16.300 You sound like you got a

01:26:16.920 huge heart.

01:26:18.080 Okay, and all these calls

01:26:18.840 come out of the hotline,

01:26:19.860 and that's 985-664-9503.

01:26:23.920 Anybody can hit the

01:26:24.680 hotline with responses,

01:26:25.780 suggestions for people,

01:26:26.840 or issues that you're

01:26:28.660 dealing with.

01:26:29.640 If there's anything

01:26:30.160 you're struggling with

01:26:31.800 or anything you want

01:26:34.160 to think about.

01:26:36.260 But yeah, if there's

01:26:36.940 something you're

01:26:37.240 struggling with, man,

01:26:37.880 you got something in

01:26:38.440 your heart, you got

01:26:39.020 something in your

01:26:39.420 feelings, man, get it

01:26:40.340 out there.

01:26:41.860 Don't keep that inside

01:26:43.000 of you by yourself

01:26:43.840 because that's what's

01:26:45.720 fucking us is that we're

01:26:47.800 just afraid to feel,

01:26:49.300 man.

01:26:49.420 We're afraid to be

01:26:50.060 vulnerable, and I am

01:26:51.420 too, and we do it here

01:26:53.440 together.

01:26:53.860 So let's take this

01:26:55.520 next hit here.

01:26:56.340 Bang.

01:26:58.240 Hey, Theo.

01:26:59.460 You know, long-time

01:27:00.660 listener, first-time

01:27:02.280 caller here.

01:27:03.640 I heard you say on the

01:27:05.500 Joe Rogan podcast that

01:27:07.500 where you lived in

01:27:09.040 Louisiana, there was a

01:27:10.860 lot of magic mushrooms

01:27:13.180 growing naturally.

01:27:14.660 Oh, yeah, boy.

01:27:15.960 Oh, yeah.

01:27:20.380 I was just wondering if

01:27:21.420 you could, you know,

01:27:23.080 maybe follow up on

01:27:24.380 that.

01:27:24.600 How do you identify

01:27:25.420 those mushrooms?

01:27:27.500 Is there like a taste

01:27:28.660 process where maybe it's

01:27:30.020 not like a psilocybin

01:27:31.740 mushroom?

01:27:33.000 So maybe you eat a

01:27:33.680 little bit of shit on

01:27:34.600 accident to try and test

01:27:35.940 it, see if you'll get

01:27:36.840 those effects?

01:27:38.280 Damn, bro.

01:27:38.880 This sounds like you

01:27:39.440 calling like a 1-900

01:27:40.400 number.

01:27:41.480 Like this is like some

01:27:42.260 kind of sex line or

01:27:43.400 something about

01:27:43.980 mushrooms.

01:27:45.960 Like you want me to

01:27:46.920 just like, oh, yeah,

01:27:49.080 baby, so what happened

01:27:50.120 was I would take my

01:27:52.380 shoes off, you see, and

01:27:54.060 run out into there,

01:27:55.580 into that damp grass.

01:27:59.980 And right there on the

01:28:01.980 soil, you'd see a big

01:28:04.060 old areola of cow dung.

01:28:09.660 Man, that thing was

01:28:10.660 shining and glistening.

01:28:12.080 And right off the top of

01:28:16.520 it, you would see a

01:28:17.220 beautiful, a majico

01:28:19.680 muremo.

01:28:21.860 And that is Latino,

01:28:23.360 brother, for magic

01:28:24.560 mushroom.

01:28:25.700 You know what I'm

01:28:26.000 saying?

01:28:26.400 That David Copper

01:28:27.700 feel that's going to

01:28:28.620 give you them floppy

01:28:29.920 feels, bruh.

01:28:32.160 Man, you had them

01:28:32.980 magic mushrooms.

01:28:33.760 What do you mean?

01:28:34.840 I ain't out there

01:28:35.360 eating shit, bruh.

01:28:36.780 This ain't a Japanese

01:28:37.540 game show, daddy.

01:28:39.060 This was young bucks

01:28:40.180 out there.

01:28:41.380 And, dude, it looks

01:28:42.400 like a magic mushroom.

01:28:43.340 Google that bitch for

01:28:44.220 you.

01:28:44.380 Just run around a

01:28:45.060 field with your mouth

01:28:45.720 open.

01:28:46.560 Because 96.7% of

01:28:48.680 mushrooms are killers.

01:28:51.900 Okay?

01:28:52.420 That's why when you get

01:28:53.360 that special 3%, it's

01:28:55.180 magic.

01:28:57.620 If you're just getting

01:28:58.580 them killers and you're

01:28:59.460 snacking on killers, you're

01:29:00.620 going to fall apart.

01:29:02.100 So get out there and get

01:29:03.300 that hitter, man.

01:29:03.920 Get the real thing.

01:29:05.220 And it's beautiful white

01:29:06.540 stem and it's so just

01:29:07.680 succulent looking.

01:29:09.480 I mean, it looks like

01:29:10.380 somebody just poured a

01:29:11.220 tall glass of milk.

01:29:12.880 That's how white the

01:29:13.740 stem is.

01:29:14.560 And then it's got this

01:29:15.520 dirty little skirt.

01:29:17.820 But the skirt doesn't

01:29:18.500 even go down.

01:29:19.180 It just goes straight

01:29:20.120 out on the side.

01:29:21.700 Around the stem.

01:29:22.620 It's just this beautiful

01:29:23.240 little purple skirt.

01:29:25.140 And that's where the

01:29:25.900 fucking magic is, boy.

01:29:29.520 And that's where you

01:29:30.460 feel the fucking Lord

01:29:31.640 just licking the back

01:29:33.860 of your neck when you

01:29:36.020 get those hitters, bro.

01:29:37.140 We ain't out there

01:29:37.680 eating shit, dude.

01:29:38.580 You being wild, boy.

01:29:39.960 You being wild.

01:29:41.640 But thank you for

01:29:42.260 calling, man.

01:29:43.780 Thank you for calling.

01:29:44.580 You want that?

01:29:45.120 Yeah, and then we put

01:29:46.160 them in our mouths and

01:29:47.560 everything changed.

01:29:49.920 And the world just

01:29:51.140 started and just the

01:29:53.200 clouds just started

01:29:54.120 dripping out of the

01:29:55.100 sky.

01:29:56.240 And we were catching

01:29:57.180 the drops in our

01:29:58.120 mouths and spitting

01:29:59.760 them onto each other's

01:30:00.660 backs.

01:30:01.420 What you want to hear,

01:30:02.320 man?

01:30:03.080 What do you want to

01:30:03.640 hear?

01:30:03.840 Um, okay.

01:30:05.600 Let's, uh, let's

01:30:06.360 take another, uh, call

01:30:07.300 or two.

01:30:07.700 Here we go.

01:30:09.280 Hey, what's up, Theo?

01:30:10.320 This is Jesse.

01:30:11.560 I live out in, uh, out

01:30:13.000 here in Silver Lake.

01:30:14.460 I'm a storyboard artist

01:30:15.520 on Bob's Burgers.

01:30:17.100 So I was at, uh, LA

01:30:18.520 Fitness a couple weeks

01:30:20.020 back.

01:30:20.940 Got in there pretty

01:30:22.000 early before work

01:30:23.000 started.

01:30:23.640 Get in there!

01:30:24.920 More.

01:30:26.220 So I was finishing

01:30:26.900 up my workout and I

01:30:28.660 go and get in the

01:30:29.380 shower and, um...

01:30:30.840 Damn, you took a

01:30:32.140 shower to LA Fitness,

01:30:33.400 dude?

01:30:35.960 Man.

01:30:37.120 That's, that's

01:30:38.180 hectic, baby.

01:30:39.580 More.

01:30:40.700 They have those

01:30:41.480 soap dispensers that

01:30:42.740 are up on the wall

01:30:43.600 about four feet or so

01:30:46.060 off the ground and

01:30:46.940 they're clear so you

01:30:48.420 can see inside to the

01:30:50.080 soap and, uh...

01:30:51.400 And what was in it,

01:30:52.280 dude?

01:30:53.660 Semen?

01:30:56.020 I go and put my

01:30:57.580 hand up underneath it

01:30:58.600 because I'm about to

01:30:59.100 get a couple, a couple

01:31:00.220 squirts and lather up.

01:31:02.440 Damn, dude.

01:31:03.080 You might want to

01:31:03.560 talk to the mushroom,

01:31:04.400 dude.

01:31:04.540 I feel like both you

01:31:05.260 guys are trying to

01:31:05.780 meet each other.

01:31:06.640 More.

01:31:07.480 And, um, I see

01:31:08.840 something's in there

01:31:09.620 so I look a little

01:31:10.580 closer and lo and

01:31:12.600 behold, there is a

01:31:14.200 14-inch fully intact

01:31:16.720 turd.

01:31:18.100 Ooh!

01:31:19.980 Ooh!

01:31:20.420 Ooh!

01:31:23.420 Wow!

01:31:24.360 I didn't expect that,

01:31:25.660 man.

01:31:26.620 Somebody put a turd

01:31:27.960 in the straight-up,

01:31:28.840 uh, hand soap

01:31:30.080 dispenser?

01:31:31.660 Ooh!

01:31:33.260 That is an archaic

01:31:34.640 move, bro.

01:31:35.940 That's old school,

01:31:37.260 man.

01:31:37.860 That's back in the,

01:31:38.860 I mean, that's like,

01:31:39.800 uh, something you would

01:31:41.000 do like, um, that's

01:31:42.340 like that old Trojan

01:31:43.180 horse, bro.

01:31:44.040 You think you're getting

01:31:44.700 soap and then, but

01:31:45.540 damn, boy.

01:31:47.440 That's just, you got

01:31:48.760 that, uh, you know,

01:31:51.440 you got that feces, um,

01:31:54.000 you, you know, you

01:31:55.180 think you're getting,

01:31:55.940 you think you're getting

01:31:56.820 soap and then bam,

01:31:58.080 boy, you got them

01:31:59.320 fecal paws, bruh.

01:32:00.740 And that's just, um,

01:32:02.300 that's pink eye waiting

01:32:03.620 to happen.

01:32:04.040 That's pink eye country

01:32:04.880 you're flirting with.

01:32:05.740 More?

01:32:06.440 Sitting in the soap

01:32:07.560 dispenser and it was

01:32:10.740 pretty shocking.

01:32:12.760 I didn't put the soap

01:32:14.060 on my body.

01:32:14.920 You lie, bruh.

01:32:16.200 You are lying.

01:32:18.640 And look, I, I love

01:32:19.920 you, man.

01:32:20.220 I appreciate you calling,

01:32:21.060 Jesse, but you have to

01:32:21.880 say that.

01:32:23.060 You can't sit here and

01:32:24.100 tell us the truth, man.

01:32:25.620 Dude, we know what

01:32:28.460 happened.

01:32:30.320 There's no way you, you

01:32:31.560 went the first time and

01:32:32.660 then put it off.

01:32:33.280 It's the second time you

01:32:34.340 went back when you saw

01:32:35.340 that fucking hitter.

01:32:37.120 When you saw some dude

01:32:38.220 drop that booty hitter

01:32:39.440 into that soap dispenser.

01:32:41.080 My God, I've never

01:32:42.940 heard of this.

01:32:45.100 But where is the FBI?

01:32:46.780 Where's the FDA?

01:32:49.680 More?

01:32:50.620 I went out there,

01:32:51.900 told the maintenance man

01:32:53.100 that there was shit in

01:32:54.140 the soap dispenser.

01:32:54.900 And he basically stopped

01:32:56.000 me mid-sentence and told

01:32:57.700 me that it's been

01:32:59.140 happening often and that

01:33:01.320 they have a serial

01:33:02.220 shitter.

01:33:03.640 So I figured I'd run

01:33:05.380 that one by you and see

01:33:06.520 if you've ever come

01:33:08.820 across any dumps in any

01:33:10.720 weird locations or

01:33:11.980 taken a dump yourself.

01:33:13.340 Oh, that's a good question,

01:33:16.260 man.

01:33:16.360 Have you ever taken a dump

01:33:17.120 yourself in a weird

01:33:17.860 locale?

01:33:19.400 Well, a lot of people know

01:33:20.620 this.

01:33:21.040 You know, I used to talk

01:33:21.760 about this or I've told

01:33:23.040 this story.

01:33:23.660 When I was growing up,

01:33:24.640 they had a boy in my

01:33:25.360 neighborhood and he, you

01:33:28.620 know, named Mario and he

01:33:30.480 was Italian, bro.

01:33:31.980 Or he said he was anyway,

01:33:33.080 or his parents just

01:33:33.920 pretended he was and

01:33:34.760 named him Mario.

01:33:35.440 Mario and he was even

01:33:38.540 named, I remember,

01:33:39.320 after Super Mario, I

01:33:40.860 think, the video game.

01:33:42.780 So that's fucking,

01:33:44.080 that's bizarre.

01:33:45.820 But anyhow, he, he

01:33:48.260 would, you know, make

01:33:49.900 poops in his yard and

01:33:50.960 make me bury him so I

01:33:52.940 could hang out with him

01:33:53.780 because he, that was the

01:33:56.000 only way he let me hang

01:33:56.980 out with him.

01:33:57.480 If he, if when he did

01:33:59.000 feces in the yard, I

01:34:00.080 had to, you know, I had

01:34:01.100 this little shovel,

01:34:01.960 little beach shovel and

01:34:02.980 little pail and I had to

01:34:03.960 bury him in there for

01:34:04.920 him.

01:34:05.880 And so I did it.

01:34:08.580 You know, I didn't know

01:34:09.380 any better.

01:34:09.740 I was a child and I

01:34:10.880 had, you know, I had,

01:34:12.520 I was just, I was

01:34:13.940 wearing an overall.

01:34:14.780 My mother always had

01:34:15.400 me in overalls and

01:34:16.220 shit.

01:34:16.540 So I looked, I

01:34:17.280 probably, you know,

01:34:18.440 in these little like

01:34:19.260 what are those hippie

01:34:22.620 kind of sandals, not

01:34:23.340 hippie, but they're

01:34:24.020 like fucking, I don't

01:34:26.240 know, man.

01:34:26.840 They're like these,

01:34:28.100 they're leather and

01:34:29.120 they look like, you

01:34:30.900 know, they look like

01:34:31.580 almost like indentured

01:34:32.620 servants would wear

01:34:33.520 them.

01:34:34.920 Um, they are

01:34:36.540 Cumberland or

01:34:37.720 something.

01:34:38.060 Hilbert, um,

01:34:39.580 um, um, um, uh,

01:34:43.420 sandals.

01:34:45.960 Fuck.

01:34:46.420 I don't know the

01:34:46.860 fucking sandals,

01:34:47.680 bruh.

01:34:47.940 And then, um, so I

01:34:50.860 would wear these wild

01:34:51.620 little sandals with

01:34:52.360 these overalls.

01:34:52.980 I'll probably look like

01:34:53.600 I should be burying

01:34:54.200 shit.

01:34:54.900 So that if somebody

01:34:55.880 drove by and saw me

01:34:57.420 out there, you know,

01:34:59.240 hiding these fucking

01:35:00.180 little body bats, they

01:35:02.440 weren't thinking that I

01:35:03.360 was a bat, you know,

01:35:04.060 they probably like,

01:35:04.700 oh yeah, you dress like

01:35:06.220 that.

01:35:06.460 You deserve to be

01:35:07.120 fucking burying

01:35:07.740 dukes.

01:35:08.660 And this kid,

01:35:09.580 Mario, I mean, bury

01:35:10.500 all the shits around

01:35:11.160 this dude.

01:35:12.200 And so it got

01:35:12.920 repetitive.

01:35:13.440 He was shitting all

01:35:14.060 the time.

01:35:15.080 So I've never had

01:35:15.580 anything like that.

01:35:15.960 I've never had anybody

01:35:16.520 poop in a soap dispenser,

01:35:17.580 but I have had people,

01:35:18.580 you know, shit for fun

01:35:19.900 in different places.

01:35:20.940 And, um, and, you

01:35:21.920 know, I was kind of,

01:35:22.980 you know, had a, I

01:35:24.320 guess a service

01:35:24.860 commitment, you know,

01:35:26.120 at that boy's yard.

01:35:27.260 But then years later he

01:35:28.300 died.

01:35:29.580 He drove a bass boat

01:35:30.840 into an embankment on,

01:35:32.420 you know, allegedly on

01:35:33.420 drugs and, you know,

01:35:34.680 rest in peace.

01:35:35.260 And I actually wrote his

01:35:35.880 parents a letter and

01:35:36.560 told them about that,

01:35:38.140 you know, and told them

01:35:38.680 what had happened back in

01:35:39.520 the day.

01:35:40.020 And, and I miss, you

01:35:41.300 know, uh, and he was a,

01:35:43.020 he was a wild boy.

01:35:43.940 He had the wildness in

01:35:44.920 him, you know,

01:35:45.980 sometimes he had

01:35:46.860 something extra going

01:35:47.780 on in him.

01:35:48.440 He was, he just had

01:35:49.760 like a special energy,

01:35:51.340 you know, he had a

01:35:52.360 special energy and, uh,

01:35:54.800 and, and he, um, and

01:35:59.140 he was into some of the

01:35:59.920 dark arts, I think.

01:36:01.720 And he, uh, but

01:36:03.360 anyhow, they buried him,

01:36:04.500 I'm guessing.

01:36:05.280 And they didn't let me

01:36:06.240 be a pallbearer.

01:36:07.580 And that kind of pissed

01:36:08.520 me off, you know, in a

01:36:09.760 little bit somewhere in

01:36:10.500 my head, I had a

01:36:11.080 resentment because I'm

01:36:12.320 like, man, these people

01:36:13.040 fucking put that boy in

01:36:14.020 the ground and they

01:36:15.540 didn't let me do it

01:36:16.420 because nobody's put more

01:36:18.120 of that boy in the

01:36:18.680 ground than this boy

01:36:19.960 right here, you know,

01:36:21.580 and God rest his soul,

01:36:22.600 man.

01:36:23.100 But, uh, yeah, sorry

01:36:24.400 that that's happening,

01:36:25.180 dude.

01:36:25.320 There's people shitting in

01:36:26.140 soap dispensers, dude.

01:36:27.380 That's what happens, bro.

01:36:29.100 That's what happens when

01:36:29.980 you don't trust the

01:36:30.580 government anymore.

01:36:31.840 You know, that's what

01:36:33.100 happens when they, uh,

01:36:34.360 when the democratic party

01:36:35.360 railroads their own

01:36:36.320 candidates.

01:36:37.380 That's what happens when a

01:36:38.420 70 year old man,

01:36:39.680 Bernie Sanders, who gave

01:36:40.560 his whole life to

01:36:41.360 politics, gets fucked

01:36:42.820 out of his own

01:36:43.480 fucking nomination.

01:36:45.220 That's what happens in

01:36:46.280 this world, bro.

01:36:47.800 Onward.

01:36:48.320 Let's hear more.

01:36:51.160 Theo Vaughn.

01:36:52.580 Noah from Los Angeles.

01:36:54.200 Uh, great job on the

01:36:55.360 Joe Rogan podcast.

01:36:57.320 It, uh, world wedding

01:36:58.440 was the other, was

01:36:59.500 today.

01:37:00.240 It was this morning,

01:37:01.040 early this morning.

01:37:01.960 It's late.

01:37:02.320 I'm getting out of

01:37:02.860 work.

01:37:03.120 I'm a bartender in

01:37:04.440 Santa Monica.

01:37:05.220 You can come anytime

01:37:05.920 you want.

01:37:06.280 I'm also sober like you,

01:37:07.540 but I bartend because

01:37:08.260 I make money.

01:37:09.200 Thanks for calling in

01:37:10.120 Noah.

01:37:10.460 Yeah.

01:37:10.600 The Royal wedding was

01:37:11.320 this weekend more.

01:37:12.800 Um, listen about the

01:37:14.220 Royal wedding.

01:37:14.900 It's a big deal.

01:37:15.660 My wife was telling me

01:37:16.480 all about it.

01:37:16.960 You got the black girl.

01:37:18.480 She's half white,

01:37:19.160 half black.

01:37:19.840 You know, she's going

01:37:20.440 to be in the Royal

01:37:20.980 family.

01:37:21.600 It's a big deal.

01:37:22.300 She's American.

01:37:23.200 It's all these first

01:37:23.900 times for everything.

01:37:25.080 But I want to say like,

01:37:26.400 you really want to be

01:37:27.240 different and your

01:37:28.380 friend Terry, who looks

01:37:29.380 like a ginger, marry

01:37:30.800 another ginger.

01:37:32.120 Like I got a buddy.

01:37:33.480 He's a black guy.

01:37:34.620 He's in all these

01:37:35.260 commercials with a

01:37:36.260 white wife and the

01:37:37.320 mixed kid.

01:37:38.480 The mixed kid, the

01:37:39.280 mixed thing is like

01:37:40.420 that's him right now.

01:37:41.700 If you really want to

01:37:42.620 be like a trailblazer

01:37:43.880 and you're a rat and

01:37:44.660 you're a ginger, marry

01:37:45.800 another ginger.

01:37:46.980 Keep the gingers going.

01:37:48.660 That's what I'm saying,

01:37:49.720 man.

01:37:50.100 That's true.

01:37:50.660 Keep the gingers going,

01:37:51.720 dude.

01:37:52.320 That's a great point.

01:37:53.700 Yeah.

01:37:53.880 It's like you want to

01:37:55.060 be wild, be, do

01:37:56.240 something that's out of

01:37:57.500 the norm.

01:37:58.680 That's not being seen.

01:38:00.100 You know, marry somebody

01:38:03.120 of your own, of your own

01:38:04.560 style even.

01:38:05.640 I'm not saying that don't

01:38:06.720 marry, don't interracial

01:38:07.780 marry.

01:38:07.920 I'm not saying any of

01:38:08.780 that.

01:38:09.620 But I'd love to see a big

01:38:11.120 sister and a Japanese

01:38:12.200 boy.

01:38:13.920 Where's that at?

01:38:15.720 You know, I'd love to see

01:38:16.940 a blonde haired, blue

01:38:18.740 eyed gal and a, and a

01:38:20.780 thick, um, and a, and a,

01:38:22.640 and a, and a Rubenesque

01:38:24.260 Korean fella.

01:38:26.200 You know, I'd love to see

01:38:27.320 that mix, but I'd also

01:38:29.360 like to see that ginger on

01:38:30.740 ginger.

01:38:32.000 Would they even allow that?

01:38:34.020 If you saw two gingers

01:38:35.360 kissing at a stoplight,

01:38:36.540 would you call the cops?

01:38:40.100 Yeah.

01:38:40.500 It's like, I agree.

01:38:41.780 It's like, you know, we

01:38:43.160 want different, always

01:38:44.720 changes.

01:38:46.400 What's different, always

01:38:47.380 changes.

01:38:47.920 And yeah, now it's like

01:38:48.840 you see so many commercials

01:38:49.680 where the family is also

01:38:50.620 mixed.

01:38:51.040 And I think it's good for

01:38:52.040 advertising because you want

01:38:53.600 everybody to feel, you

01:38:54.800 know, you want everybody

01:38:55.860 to feel, you know, you

01:38:57.600 don't want a kid to watch

01:38:58.540 a Disney world commercial

01:38:59.600 or Disneyland commercial.

01:39:00.700 I've talked about this

01:39:01.200 before and see only white

01:39:02.940 people at Disneyland or

01:39:04.720 only what, you know,

01:39:05.660 certain types of people

01:39:06.760 are only wealthy people

01:39:08.400 at Disneyland or only

01:39:09.380 Asian people at Sea

01:39:10.520 World or only, you know,

01:39:12.000 black people at, um,

01:39:14.580 you know, where, you

01:39:15.980 know, I'm trying to think

01:39:16.480 of, or at Essence Fest,

01:39:18.460 you know, you want to see,

01:39:19.540 you want everybody to feel

01:39:20.380 welcome, especially via

01:39:22.140 advertising.

01:39:22.780 But yeah, you want to do

01:39:24.060 something wild, do

01:39:25.040 something, do something

01:39:26.300 really brave.

01:39:28.040 You know what I'm saying?

01:39:29.340 You only got one eye?

01:39:30.860 Marry somebody with only,

01:39:32.500 uh, with two eyes.

01:39:34.680 Or you got two eyes?

01:39:36.100 Marry somebody with

01:39:36.780 fucking three eyes.

01:39:38.360 Or half a dick.

01:39:40.840 You know, do something

01:39:41.800 different.

01:39:42.320 You're not gay?

01:39:43.320 Marry somebody with a dick.

01:39:45.420 That's different.

01:39:47.200 Do some unique stuff.

01:39:49.660 Yeah, because yeah,

01:39:50.780 sometimes the same old stuff

01:39:51.980 is the same old stuff.

01:39:54.220 Make that, you got a,

01:39:55.040 you got eight bucks?

01:39:56.340 Let's get that 64.

01:39:58.540 You know what I'm saying?

01:39:59.960 Somebody got one titty?

01:40:01.460 Fucking find somebody

01:40:02.340 that's magenta.

01:40:03.440 Let's make a real wild family.

01:40:06.500 But ginger on ginger,

01:40:07.900 dude, would they even

01:40:08.540 allow it?

01:40:12.140 These are the questions

01:40:13.000 we're asking, man.

01:40:13.760 These are the hard hitters.

01:40:14.760 Oh, what else, man?

01:40:17.560 I feel like,

01:40:18.380 man, I feel like we've done

01:40:20.520 a pretty good job this week,

01:40:21.980 man.

01:40:23.300 Um,

01:40:24.060 okay, yep.

01:40:25.240 All right, we're going to

01:40:26.080 take one more question here.

01:40:27.180 Here we go.

01:40:28.620 Hey, Theo.

01:40:29.200 This is, uh,

01:40:30.320 Rob in Georgia, man.

01:40:31.840 What's up, Rob in Georgia?

01:40:32.920 Thank you for calling, man.

01:40:34.060 Beautiful state you have there.

01:40:35.740 I'm just listening to this

01:40:36.780 Nicole Arbor podcast.

01:40:38.200 It's always excited to, uh,

01:40:39.740 see a new episode up.

01:40:40.880 Anyway, I'm only 20 minutes in

01:40:43.100 and I can't help but notice

01:40:44.180 you seem kind of hostile, man.

01:40:46.480 Were you having a bad day

01:40:47.860 when you interviewed her?

01:40:48.920 Do you genuinely not

01:40:49.860 like this woman?

01:40:51.280 I just want to get

01:40:51.900 your thoughts on that

01:40:52.680 and wonder why you were,

01:40:53.540 you know,

01:40:54.020 feeling like that.

01:40:55.320 Thanks for calling, Rob.

01:40:56.440 Um, you know,

01:40:57.740 it was interesting

01:40:58.280 having Nicole Arbor in.

01:40:59.240 I think that she's

01:40:59.880 a funny lady.

01:41:00.960 I think she's an entertainer.

01:41:02.420 I think, you know,

01:41:03.600 I'm not not going to have

01:41:04.640 somebody on the podcast

01:41:05.700 because, you know,

01:41:07.740 there's this general thing

01:41:08.800 in the air where people

01:41:09.500 don't like them.

01:41:10.880 You know, I mean,

01:41:12.900 would I have Satan on?

01:41:15.180 Yeah.

01:41:15.840 Cause you know why?

01:41:17.080 I got a question for Satan.

01:41:19.600 You know, you think I'm sitting around

01:41:21.060 with zero questions for Satan?

01:41:23.680 You're wrong.

01:41:25.180 And I'm not comparing

01:41:26.140 Nicole to Satan or anything.

01:41:27.140 Like, look,

01:41:27.640 I think Nicole's attractive.

01:41:30.580 You know,

01:41:31.160 I think that she's funny.

01:41:32.840 I just didn't.

01:41:34.400 The thing was, man, honestly,

01:41:36.040 and this took me an extra day

01:41:37.040 or two to think about,

01:41:37.840 and this is the last

01:41:38.620 that I'll talk about this,

01:41:39.580 is that I didn't,

01:41:42.400 I don't know if she's genuine.

01:41:45.440 And that's what I didn't,

01:41:46.660 that's what made me feel uncomfortable.

01:41:48.880 I don't,

01:41:49.660 I don't believe that she is genuine.

01:41:52.420 And I could be wrong

01:41:54.500 and I'm happy to be wrong,

01:41:56.160 but I just don't,

01:41:57.340 I didn't feel it.

01:41:58.600 And it made,

01:41:59.460 I felt uncomfortable.

01:42:01.040 And so it was tough.

01:42:03.120 You know,

01:42:03.640 it was tough.

01:42:04.320 And yeah,

01:42:06.900 I try to make it

01:42:07.760 an interesting conversation.

01:42:10.260 But you know,

01:42:10.820 I feel like she's constantly

01:42:11.780 kind of in this PR world.

01:42:13.260 And I don't like that world that much.

01:42:15.600 You know,

01:42:15.960 I like something that's really real.

01:42:18.100 If I can get real.

01:42:19.480 And some days it's hard, man.

01:42:20.780 Some days we don't fucking feel real.

01:42:23.300 You know,

01:42:23.640 but there's times we can,

01:42:24.820 if we can,

01:42:25.800 if we can be,

01:42:26.520 if we,

01:42:26.860 you know,

01:42:27.200 those are special times these days.

01:42:28.920 I feel like that.

01:42:30.920 But yeah,

01:42:31.400 I have that on that, man.

01:42:33.240 Man,

01:42:33.560 so yeah,

01:42:33.880 we've had a lot of great calls.

01:42:34.880 I appreciate that call.

01:42:35.840 We've had a lot of great ones this week.

01:42:38.180 And I just appreciate you guys

01:42:39.280 just being,

01:42:39.780 just being in here with me.

01:42:41.560 You know,

01:42:41.940 and just helping me,

01:42:43.100 you know,

01:42:43.320 I'm just happy to be here.

01:42:44.840 And I'm happy that you're here.

01:42:46.680 And yeah,

01:42:47.640 we got some cool dates

01:42:48.520 coming up on the road.

01:42:50.040 You know,

01:42:50.340 I'm gonna try to keep my brain

01:42:51.300 thinking this week.

01:42:52.540 I'm gonna try to not stay

01:42:53.280 in my small cage sometimes.

01:42:55.420 You know,

01:42:56.440 I'm gonna try to maybe think,

01:42:57.460 you know,

01:42:58.080 if I talk to somebody

01:42:59.140 that I don't know

01:42:59.640 if I agree with,

01:43:00.920 or if it's only gonna help me,

01:43:02.640 it's only gonna help me.

01:43:05.160 But if I stay too close

01:43:06.400 to my template in my brain,

01:43:08.820 then that's,

01:43:10.600 you can be kind of limited.

01:43:13.160 You know,

01:43:13.680 you can be kind of limited.

01:43:15.300 You're gonna be limited to your yard.

01:43:17.620 You're gonna be in your fishbowl.

01:43:19.520 Sometime you gotta fucking

01:43:20.700 hop out and land in another tank.

01:43:25.920 And that's okay.

01:43:27.420 Because you can always get back

01:43:28.500 into your bowl.

01:43:30.720 You know,

01:43:31.000 but that's one of the things

01:43:31.760 that I took away from being on

01:43:33.040 Joe's show.

01:43:35.000 And that's one of,

01:43:36.920 you know,

01:43:37.640 and he makes me feel welcome.

01:43:41.280 And you're welcome.

01:43:43.660 Anybody is welcome here.

01:43:46.000 Anybody is welcome here.

01:43:48.140 And if we can't figure out

01:43:49.260 why you're not,

01:43:49.900 man,

01:43:50.100 we'll figure it out.

01:43:51.960 You know,

01:43:52.300 we're here to fucking figure shit out.

01:43:53.420 You think I'm gonna fucking live

01:43:54.340 on this ball of dirt

01:43:55.040 in the middle of nowhere

01:43:56.040 and not try and figure

01:43:57.820 some of this shit out?

01:43:59.420 Not anymore.

01:44:00.200 I'm not.

01:44:01.640 Thank you guys

01:44:02.240 for being here with me, man.

01:44:03.560 Okay,

01:44:03.780 we're gonna close out here.

01:44:04.560 And this is called,

01:44:05.720 this was sent in

01:44:06.740 through theovan.com

01:44:09.400 where you can send in,

01:44:11.080 you can be a part of the podcast,

01:44:12.320 merchandise,

01:44:12.780 all kinds of stuff.

01:44:14.020 And this is by Thomas Seiple.

01:44:16.180 And this is called Gentilly Philly.

01:44:18.840 And thank you guys

01:44:19.740 for being here with me

01:44:20.400 and you guys be good to yourselves.

01:44:22.020 You probably deserve it.

01:44:23.380 Get in there!

01:44:24.280 Get in there!

01:44:24.480 Get in there!

01:44:25.280 Get in there!

01:44:26.280 Get in there!

01:44:27.280 Get in there!

01:44:28.280 Get in there!

01:44:29.280 Get in there!

01:44:30.280 Get in there!

01:44:32.280 Get in there!

01:44:34.280 Get in there!

01:44:34.540 Get in there!

01:45:04.540 Man, that's good, huh?

01:45:12.360 Thank you, Thomas.

01:45:13.220 A lot of talent out in this world,

01:45:14.560 isn't there?

01:45:14.960 Get in there!

01:45:25.820 We're gonna be okay.

01:45:27.000 You know that, guys, right?

01:45:28.400 We got this.

01:45:29.300 Ladies and gentlemen,

01:45:46.900 I'm Jonathan Kite,

01:45:47.900 and welcome to Kite Club,

01:45:49.580 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts

01:45:51.460 on things like current events,

01:45:53.260 stand-up stories,

01:45:54.320 and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:45:56.400 The answer may shock you.

01:45:58.360 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:46:00.760 Sometimes I won't.

01:46:02.460 And as always,

01:46:03.320 I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:46:05.140 You have three new voice messages.

01:46:07.940 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:46:11.300 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long,

01:46:13.940 longer than anybody else.

01:46:15.600 So great.

01:46:16.960 Hi.

01:46:17.600 Swear.

01:46:18.560 Here's a deal.

01:46:19.900 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club

01:46:21.740 is a dodgy bloody wanker.

01:46:23.880 Jermaine.

01:46:24.480 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese

01:46:27.780 and a McFlurry.

01:46:28.940 Sorry, sir,

01:46:29.440 but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:46:31.060 Oh, no.

01:46:33.400 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:46:35.760 Anyway,

01:46:36.460 first rule of Kite Club is

01:46:38.040 tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:46:39.920 Second rule of Kite Club is

01:46:41.680 tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:46:44.180 Third rule,

01:46:45.100 like and subscribe

01:46:45.880 wherever you listen to podcasts

01:46:47.320 or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:46:49.960 And yes,

01:46:50.500 don't worry,

01:46:51.000 my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 21, 2018

64 Colors ｜ This Past Weekend #97

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