This Past Weekend with Theo Von - #655 - Sal Vulcano

00:00:00.520 Instacart makes grocery shopping easier, and just because you're not doing the shopping yourself doesn't mean you don't care how it's done.

00:00:07.960 With Instacart Shopper Notes, you can get particular about what you want right in the app.

00:00:13.520 Like rotisserie chicken that's extra crispy, steak with marbling the Romans would have loved, and lettuce you'd actually pick yourself.

00:00:22.260 Just leave a note for your shopper so they can get it right for you without having to ask.

00:00:27.320 That way, you can get groceries just how you like.

00:00:30.720 Download the Instacart app and shop today.

00:00:33.280 I want to let you know that I'll be doing a podcast,

00:00:37.060 taping this podcast, before a live audience.

00:00:40.980 It's the only time I've ever done that.

00:00:43.040 And it may be the only time I ever do, I don't know.

00:00:44.800 But that will be with the champ, Iron Mike Tyson,

00:00:49.460 on May 5th in Los Angeles at the Wiltern Theater

00:00:53.360 as part of the Netflix is a Joke Fest.

00:00:56.000 and after that it'll be on our channel so you can see it there you can get tickets at theovon.com

00:01:01.840 slash t-o-u-r today's guest is a stand-up comedian he's a host he's a podcaster um he's just a he's

00:01:12.640 a universal smile maker you know him from his hit show impractical jokers uh and he's on tour doing

00:01:19.060 stand-up right now um always have a blast with the one and only mr sal vulcano

00:01:26.260 we start filming um season 13 on thursday too it's another thing yeah wow it's wild

00:01:48.520 it's been on for uh it's been on the air for 15 years and have you ever met like a child that was

00:01:55.420 like conceived during the show like has that ever been a thing yeah people i yeah people i know people 0.94

00:02:00.780 met and got married and i know i know people tell me they fuck to it all the time oh my god really 0.81

00:02:06.220 i didn't think of that until one day i was i was on the i was standing outside am i getting a tire 0.72

00:02:11.800 a flat tire fix i was standing on a sidewalk and a guy pulled up at a light you roll down the

00:02:16.260 and he's like, Sam, I love you, man.

00:02:18.300 I was like, thanks, man. 0.98

00:02:19.080 He goes, I was having sex with my girlfriend last night 0.97

00:02:22.140 while the show was on. 1.00

00:02:23.360 And I was like, oh shit, I never really thought about that. 0.96

00:02:25.940 So I went on to Instagram and I posted like, 0.99

00:02:28.140 has anyone ever had sex while my show was on?

00:02:30.840 And it was like hundreds of thousands of people.

00:02:34.800 You don't think of it, you know?

00:02:36.880 One time somebody sent me porn of people,

00:02:41.620 and our show was on on the TV in the background.

00:02:44.560 What?

00:02:45.020 Yeah, not like a professional one.

00:02:46.640 Oh, just amateur?

00:02:47.500 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:02:48.120 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:02:48.780 Maybe one day you'll make the big moves. 1.00

00:02:51.300 Yeah, man.

00:02:51.820 Hopefully we can show up on a Brazos, you know, one day.

00:02:53.680 Maybe one day, bro.

00:02:56.600 Oh, my God, dude.

00:02:57.720 And why do you think it is that y'all's show is one of those shows that's like, all right, you know, let's make a child of this or let's get a little, you know, let's do the humping.

00:03:08.220 It's like background, you know.

00:03:10.120 Like, you can put it on any time.

00:03:11.360 You don't have to, like, follow anything.

00:03:12.520 they just turn it on and it's good like playing in the background they play it all day long so

00:03:16.340 just it's like one of those things like when i get to a hotel room i turn something on it just

00:03:19.480 like plays in the background so i think people are just people are gonna go about their business

00:03:23.520 you think you think that's it i feel like so i mean i don't think it's intoxicating or anything

00:03:28.760 i don't think it's like like oysters yeah visual oysters

00:03:34.520 um no i do think there's something about y'all show that it's like it's the one thing like

00:03:41.440 spouses could probably kind of agree on it you know yeah we get that there's not a lot you know

00:03:46.500 and you could have your kids are in there you know everybody could kind of agree on like all

00:03:50.000 right we'll all kind of watch this there's few shows like that now yeah no you yeah that there's

00:03:54.980 like a venn diagram where the kids and the parents both like it yeah and they they that's what we hear

00:03:59.720 a lot too which is like it's a show that everybody could be like oh i'll watch that you know what i

00:04:03.020 mean uh i guess there's a new little house on the prairie coming out i think you and i have spoken

00:04:09.920 about little house on the prairie before did we yeah i think we did michael landon because you

00:04:14.700 were a big fan right oh yeah highway to heaven oh you're a michael landon fan or a prairie fan

00:04:19.980 the highway to heaven and it needs to be repaved brother i'll say that

00:04:23.920 i mean they got you know what i'm saying what was it was he was he he was an angel that was like

00:04:29.820 in purgatory and his guy's friend with the beard was another angel or that was his friend was like

00:04:34.660 an oakland a's fan so yeah but was he an angel to the friend or was he a civilian no his friend was

00:04:39.700 a civilian and he could see michael landon yeah and everybody could see him but he came back and

00:04:43.840 then he realized that michael and is an angel bring bring bring bring it up highway to heaven

00:04:47.840 what was the storyline on that i haven't thought of that since the last time you and i spoke about

00:04:52.960 it and the time before that was when i watched it it's yeah well i've thought about it but i can't

00:05:02.120 believe that you remembered that we had talked about it because i haven't talked about it with

00:05:05.700 someone in since then yeah that's why i remember it i'm like i just remembered you making me laugh

00:05:09.960 about highway to heaven uh follows jonathan smith michael landon a probationary angel you're right

00:05:15.520 and mark gordon an ex-cop as a travel america helping people in need on behalf of the boss

00:05:20.380 god the series focuses on providing divine intervention love and emotional support to

00:05:24.800 individuals individuals facing hardship yeah that's a pitch that's such a funny pitch it's

00:05:28.940 like okay hit me out an angel and an ex-cop yeah that's really good i'm like i'm sold oh yeah

00:05:34.260 Yeah, Michael Lennon was one of a kind.

00:05:35.400 I mean, that show was great.

00:05:36.780 But, yeah, the Highway to Heaven, I think they put a dang toll.

00:05:39.820 They put a toll booth on it now.

00:05:41.440 Yeah, you can't even.

00:05:42.700 They couldn't remake something like this today.

00:05:44.640 You don't think?

00:05:45.020 I don't know.

00:05:45.340 I think now actually is when they probably can remake.

00:05:47.640 Now I'm thinking about it.

00:05:49.300 I mean, I think you need a good Christian drama.

00:05:51.840 I think you need something that's leading.

00:05:53.520 I mean, it'd be nice, I think, if there were more influences towards faith probably.

00:05:57.840 But even having Little House on the Prairie back, it's going to be a vibe, dude.

00:06:01.660 Oh, wait, so they're bringing back Highway to Heaven or Little House on the Prairie?

00:06:04.520 Little House on the Prairie.

00:06:05.120 Because what was that Highway to Heaven right there just now on the right?

00:06:08.420 What's that?

00:06:09.240 Oh, they tried to bring it back, bro.

00:06:12.020 I didn't even know.

00:06:13.120 No one knew.

00:06:14.520 Nobody knew.

00:06:15.560 And they brought it back, it looks like, with an African-American actress.

00:06:17.700 Who was her?

00:06:18.840 Barry Watson.

00:06:19.880 Oh, Jill Scott.

00:06:21.320 Jill Scott.

00:06:22.800 Grammy Award winner Jill Scott and Barry Watson.

00:06:25.580 Wow, that came and went.

00:06:27.340 Oh.

00:06:27.780 Or is that coming out now?

00:06:28.960 I'll give it a whirl.

00:06:30.020 It's 2021.

00:06:30.820 Oh.

00:06:31.660 All right.

00:06:32.280 Well, you can't, I mean, there's COVID times.

00:06:35.200 Yeah, people, and they were probably shipping people to heaven during COVID.

00:06:39.500 We were the highway to heaven during COVID.

00:06:42.560 It was a Pfizer four lane going on, bro.

00:06:46.100 Fauci working the toll booth.

00:06:48.860 Just getting the last dime out of you just to hit the turnpike.

00:06:53.340 Was he working towards salvation, Michael Landon and highway to heaven?

00:06:58.060 Was he saving people to get in God's good graces?

00:07:01.660 Like, why was he – he's probationary.

00:07:03.540 Yeah.

00:07:03.860 I would like to know how that series ended.

00:07:06.420 Yeah, what was the last –

00:07:07.460 He had to have gone to heaven.

00:07:08.520 If he didn't, I mean, it would have been a huge letdown, though.

00:07:10.860 No, I mean, imagine he just – imagine they just left it open like they don't even tell us.

00:07:16.100 Yeah, let's go to the ending of it.

00:07:17.660 The series Highway to Heaven did not have a planned definitive series finale as it was canceled due to low rating, bro. 0.98

00:07:23.620 Oh, shit. 0.71

00:07:24.840 Wow, so they didn't. 1.00

00:07:26.940 That's always a bummer when you invest in a show.

00:07:29.240 Yeah.

00:07:29.540 and then just stops

00:07:30.600 and you're like

00:07:30.960 that's hard

00:07:33.040 or when the whole nation

00:07:34.360 invests in a show too

00:07:35.440 and it ends

00:07:35.780 like Lost

00:07:36.300 Lost killed

00:07:37.220 Lost probably

00:07:38.580 I think there's people

00:07:39.400 that died

00:07:40.900 because Lost wasn't

00:07:42.520 it didn't do anything

00:07:43.440 yeah there had to be

00:07:44.200 some type of

00:07:45.000 butterfly effect

00:07:46.040 it was their hope

00:07:47.920 I'm gonna keep watching this

00:07:48.800 and it's gonna get somewhere

00:07:49.520 that was me

00:07:49.980 that was me

00:07:50.540 I watched Lost

00:07:51.520 and at one point

00:07:52.460 I thought Lost was the greatest show

00:07:53.700 I had ever seen in my life

00:07:54.740 and then

00:07:55.180 the last two or three seasons

00:07:56.840 it was like

00:07:57.420 maddening

00:07:58.200 yeah

00:07:58.480 that broke a lot of people

00:08:00.520 it's too convoluted

00:08:01.980 oh people divorce

00:08:02.940 that broke

00:08:04.120 people don't realize

00:08:04.820 you don't realize

00:08:05.820 that if you invest that much

00:08:06.960 with somebody into something

00:08:07.900 and if that thing falls apart

00:08:09.420 you might

00:08:10.420 you can fall apart

00:08:11.260 you can fall

00:08:12.060 you can unravel

00:08:12.760 your whole life can unravel

00:08:13.900 yeah

00:08:14.300 it doesn't take much these days

00:08:15.440 yeah it doesn't

00:08:16.240 everyone's right there

00:08:17.140 all it takes is like

00:08:18.120 just uh

00:08:19.340 the the creators of loss

00:08:20.820 is stringing us along

00:08:22.360 telling us the whole time

00:08:23.640 they have exact intentions 0.99

00:08:25.220 when they fucking don't 0.99

00:08:26.400 and it comes out later 0.99

00:08:27.480 I don't know if anyone's ever

00:08:28.320 taking them to task for that i'll tell you another thing i saw the finale i couldn't tell you what

00:08:32.200 what i can't explain to you right now yeah yeah you can't even explain the ending you did all that

00:08:37.220 you couldn't explain the ending to us evangeline lily god bless her really she's doing fine i'm

00:08:43.480 sure yeah she's like uh and she's like an ant man right she's like ant woman oh she is i think so

00:08:49.440 i didn't know yeah that show was so good dude flashbacks the flash sideways flash forwards

00:08:54.680 flash sideways they started flashing sideways i'm like what is that i've never seen a flash

00:08:58.360 sideways before lost yeah yeah how do you flash sideways they did it i'd like to flash sideways

00:09:05.980 today i'd like to flash sideways today yeah you're doing uh you said you're in town um

00:09:11.780 you're hitting the doctor you're on the you're on the you're hitting the medical circuit right

00:09:15.400 yeah i'm hitting the medical circuit my doctor lives out here my boy from high school really

00:09:20.240 He's my primary.

00:09:21.980 And it's your friend from high school?

00:09:23.560 Yeah, it's my boy.

00:09:24.720 I've known him since he was 13.

00:09:26.880 Wow.

00:09:27.380 Yeah, so shout out James Loesch.

00:09:29.780 James Loesch?

00:09:30.600 Jay Loesch?

00:09:31.620 I don't know if I want to go to my friend and let him,

00:09:34.080 but I guess if it's your boy, you can trust him with anything.

00:09:36.380 Yeah, that's where it started out of.

00:09:38.000 And you can show him your body and whatever?

00:09:39.720 No, I haven't shown him my body, and that would be where I probably,

00:09:42.580 I understand what you're saying.

00:09:44.040 Right there is where I thought I would have to do it this week,

00:09:46.740 show him my body, because we had a list of things to do.

00:09:49.900 I got like what's called a DEXA scan, a CT angiogram.

00:09:53.200 I got a blood draw for a full panel plus a cancer screening.

00:09:56.780 I got an MRI today.

00:09:58.060 I'm doing everything.

00:09:59.440 And then it said in there, what is that?

00:10:02.840 It said in there.

00:10:03.920 That's him, huh?

00:10:04.520 That's me.

00:10:06.000 Oh, it is?

00:10:07.400 That's him.

00:10:08.660 That's you again?

00:10:10.180 He pulled him up in a tux at 18 years old.

00:10:12.800 Dude, every time you hear, we bring up pictures of guys that I cannot even believe it's you.

00:10:16.480 And it's you every time.

00:10:17.560 I know.

00:10:17.960 it said physical

00:10:20.620 so I was gonna

00:10:21.380 at one point

00:10:21.960 I was gonna be like

00:10:22.300 you don't have to like

00:10:22.860 you don't have to 0.97

00:10:23.380 hold my sack

00:10:24.240 or anything do you

00:10:24.820 but then I just

00:10:25.860 let it go

00:10:26.360 and then he didn't

00:10:26.960 say anything

00:10:27.340 and then it was

00:10:27.980 it was fine

00:10:28.600 but do you think

00:10:29.220 you're missing out

00:10:29.860 on something

00:10:30.140 that's important

00:10:30.620 information or something

00:10:31.560 just because you guys

00:10:32.880 are like

00:10:33.320 kind of shy

00:10:34.180 or whatever

00:10:34.560 I was wondering

00:10:35.760 if in general

00:10:37.300 like when was the last time

00:10:38.040 you got a physical

00:10:38.560 a physical

00:10:40.520 you had to do it

00:10:42.300 for the movie

00:10:42.700 or something like that

00:10:43.360 maybe

00:10:43.500 probably

00:10:43.760 I mean I wouldn't bet

00:10:44.960 it probably wasn't

00:10:45.400 too long ago

00:10:46.160 but I've gotten

00:10:46.620 all the blood panels

00:10:47.460 I get them done all the time

00:10:48.480 I just don't know if that's antiquated

00:10:51.540 Like holding you and saying cough

00:10:53.480 I don't really hear people

00:10:55.800 Talk about that anymore 0.92

00:10:56.720 Yeah hold them and call your stepfather a queer 1.00

00:10:59.100 That's not 0.96

00:11:00.540 I mean it's not a medical term

00:11:03.760 They're taking liberties

00:11:04.620 Yeah they're taking liberties 1.00

00:11:06.360 I don't cough but call my dad a queer 1.00

00:11:09.840 Trust me just do it 0.99

00:11:11.720 Yeah it'll release some stress

00:11:14.360 I don't know what they're looking for 0.99

00:11:16.340 But if he didn't touch my balls, then I guess, like, he's not going to find anything there. 0.99

00:11:21.240 Yeah. 0.99

00:11:21.660 So, like, I guess that was an oversight.

00:11:24.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:11:25.220 But I guess, what are they checking for when they hold your balls? 0.99

00:11:27.040 Like a hernia? 0.99

00:11:27.720 Well, I mean, look, I think it-

00:11:29.300 Because I don't lift anything.

00:11:31.340 I got a bad back. 0.98

00:11:34.500 Doctor says I can't even lift my balls. 0.98

00:11:37.620 Bro, let's check it right now. 0.99

00:11:39.940 Yes, it is standard medical procedure for a doctor to hold the scrotum while asking

00:11:43.480 you to cough and check for it. 1.00

00:11:44.340 And I get that, but that shit seems hella, um, it seemed like the Catholic church is 0.99

00:11:50.240 involved in it a little bit as a little backsplash of uncertainty, but what, uh, how do we self 1.00

00:11:57.620 check our own balls? 0.93

00:11:58.620 That's what I would look up. 0.99

00:11:59.600 Yeah.

00:12:00.020 Maybe a self exam I could do.

00:12:02.780 Cause it's probably time, man, that we know how to do this just because there's a lot

00:12:06.520 of times I'm sitting in a lobby or I'm chilling, you know?

00:12:09.080 Yeah.

00:12:09.720 And then you don't know what's going on down there.

00:12:11.660 Well, it's like, I might as well check it out.

00:12:13.180 Yeah.

00:12:13.460 There's times where I'll just-

00:12:14.200 Oh, yeah, we could check all the time.

00:12:16.000 Yeah.

00:12:16.340 If we know what we're doing, we're checking without knowing, usually. 0.95

00:12:21.000 Yeah, usually I'm feeling around in my balls, like, oh, what is that? 0.98

00:12:23.160 Don't touch that. 0.99

00:12:23.860 There's, like, that part that's like, nah, nah.

00:12:24.960 Yeah, there's the thing attached to the ball that's, like, weird.

00:12:27.520 Yeah, yeah, like, oh, that's the HVAC area.

00:12:29.200 Yeah, I'm not certified, like, you know, in a bag.

00:12:34.620 I don't really know anything in a bag.

00:12:36.540 There's definitely, dude.

00:12:37.800 Yeah, there's moments where you're like, oh, what is that?

00:12:40.020 And then you're like-

00:12:43.200 That's what gets scary, bro

00:12:46.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah

00:12:47.000 And you're like, oh, that just feels like 0.98

00:12:48.240 Oh, that's just a Skittle or something

00:12:51.080 I still won't go

00:12:52.480 I still won't go if I feel like I have a taste

00:12:55.600 Like a rainbow 0.97

00:12:56.200 Like if I have a Skittle in there 0.81

00:12:57.620 I would just be like

00:12:58.920 I would sooner Google it

00:13:00.460 There's something I just

00:13:01.980 I'm not really 0.99

00:13:02.700 He would have had to probably take his balls out 0.99

00:13:04.900 For me to feel comfortable 1.00

00:13:05.720 Oh, that's fair

00:13:07.420 Yeah

00:13:07.880 Dude, that should be something you guys do for the show

00:13:09.980 For like one of the things

00:13:10.960 Yeah, we'll do that

00:13:11.780 Get him into that 0.99

00:13:12.700 we'll do that center you know yeah i got my doctor in there and show his balls on our show 0.97

00:13:17.200 it makes sense we're just you know now with the doctor's got to do you know get him to you know 0.97

00:13:21.720 i need you to hold your ball while you hold my balls yeah you know what i'm saying and we sing 0.65

00:13:26.240 a little bit of bruno mars you know yeah bro bruno's good man oh dude i remind you you had 0.98

00:13:31.220 a story about bruno remember he went to his show you yeah yeah he was he was dope he was like uh

00:13:36.280 it was a bit back but he was like bartending for us backstage and then during his finale he was

00:13:42.220 like yelling out quotes from my show like in the middle of like uh you make me feel like i'm like

00:13:50.100 that i have and he's just thoughts and then there's pyrotechnics and then he just started

00:13:54.800 screaming out lines from the show and i was like i can't believe this i actually missed it i was

00:13:59.280 like with people and and like i didn't hear him say it and they were freaking out i think if i

00:14:04.580 told this last time but i was like i remember like i was like four or five people i was with

00:14:07.920 My girl and the guys.

00:14:09.900 And they went nuts.

00:14:11.060 And I thought they were just going nuts for the song.

00:14:13.940 And I was like, wow, they're really big fans.

00:14:15.640 Like, they were, like, overhyped, you know?

00:14:18.100 Obviously, they just heard him quoting us.

00:14:20.140 So they were reacting like that.

00:14:21.720 And I was like, this song is good.

00:14:23.100 But, like, they're really into it.

00:14:25.200 And then, like, a few minutes later, like, I can't believe he shouted out.

00:14:28.540 And where were you?

00:14:29.220 You was getting something.

00:14:29.940 No, I was right there with him.

00:14:31.420 But I didn't hear.

00:14:32.240 Like, there was fireworks going off.

00:14:33.960 And I didn't hear it.

00:14:34.980 And then I was like, and then they were like, I can't believe he was quoted you.

00:14:37.920 I'm like, he quoted me.

00:14:39.460 You didn't even know you were right there?

00:14:41.240 Is this real?

00:14:42.020 That's real.

00:14:42.560 You could pull off.

00:14:43.100 It looks like AI, right?

00:14:44.820 That's real.

00:14:45.380 You could pull off a hat like that?

00:14:46.540 There's Bruno Mars.

00:14:47.240 I could never pull off a hat like that.

00:14:48.340 Never.

00:14:48.920 Joe and Sal came down to the show in Albany tonight.

00:14:51.800 Albany.

00:14:52.360 Oh, it's Albany.

00:14:53.240 Albany.

00:14:53.720 Albany, sorry.

00:14:54.720 And if you ain't seen the show in Practical Jogies, you're missing out.

00:14:59.300 Apparently.

00:14:59.900 Yeah, apparently.

00:15:00.580 Apparently, Murr was there.

00:15:03.600 Yeah, Murr got there late, and after it was over.

00:15:06.720 he got stuck in traffic and he like drove eight hours and missed it i swear to god yeah he drove

00:15:13.620 i'm not i'm not i know he might honestly honestly i think he drove like 13 hours i don't know why

00:15:18.960 i forgot the circumstances surrounding it but he got there late and just missed the whole thing 0.98

00:15:22.780 damn dude god i couldn't wear a hat like that yeah i couldn't wear a hat like that i wouldn't 0.95

00:15:27.920 be able to do it good um so we don't forget this because i do think it's important what can we do 0.98

00:15:32.440 to check out our nuts to make sure that we're okay what do we do actually this first uh using

00:15:40.000 both hands and i'll just you just cut my waist don't do me lower than the waist i'm gonna check

00:15:46.400 while we're here i can't see it but i'll you tell me maybe you give me a play by play all right like

00:15:51.640 what do you feel what are you feeling for right now what do you what is i don't know i think i

00:15:56.240 feel like i'm in like the cottage cheese section right now well ultimately though what are you

00:16:01.640 what are you looking for are you looking for a hernia are you looking for a skittle like what 0.96

00:16:05.440 are you looking for cancer oh that's what we're doing that's like that's cancer when they do 1.00

00:16:09.140 cancer screening yeah i'm not gonna waste my time just you might as well screen for everything if

00:16:13.340 you're feeling around just do a full thing screen for everything dude i can't do a full panel or

00:16:17.560 whatever i don't know can you tell the difference between a hernia and cancer i know i will say 0.96

00:16:23.760 like it is weird with both hands on your balls while i'm talking to you yeah normally it would 0.96

00:16:30.540 It's like when we first met. 0.97

00:16:31.480 Well, if you would give me a second, I'm trying to see if I have cancer or not, okay?

00:16:38.940 What is this animation, though?

00:16:43.420 Why is it no sack?

00:16:44.860 I don't know.

00:16:45.800 That's Dixar, I think.

00:16:49.060 That was a cheap joke, but thank you for supporting me.

00:16:52.260 No, it was good, man.

00:16:53.360 Take me, just get it on the wording again one more time.

00:16:56.520 Go back. 0.79

00:16:57.540 Perform a testicular self-exam monthly.

00:17:00.040 oh god dude i am i am 400 months behind schedule yeah ideally during or after a warm shower 0.97

00:17:06.960 when a scrotum's relaxed yeah you oh if you got that hard bag bro yeah you can't do it in like

00:17:12.120 the winter yeah if you feel like it's like kind of like a feels like a bit of like a really ripe 0.98

00:17:16.520 avocado you got to back off the sack yeah that's right using both hands gently roll each testicle

00:17:21.460 between your thumb and finger to check for hard lumps smooth bumps that's a unique term

00:17:27.320 that's got to be an oxymoron smooth bumps how can you find that that's crazy what's a smooth

00:17:32.660 bump isn't by definition a bump not smooth hard lumps smooth bumps theo von story

00:17:37.780 my journey through chemotherapy or changes in size shape or consistency

00:17:45.460 what do they mean changes in size like it's like a i guess if one's gotten really like one sounds

00:17:53.500 like it like its throat's clogged or whatever oh there's always one bigger than the other isn't 0.97

00:17:57.200 there or is that breasts isn't that true for balls and breasts there's always one that's bigger 0.99

00:18:01.640 yeah i think that's true i'm gonna read this one part off and then we'll get to that hard 0.99

00:18:05.580 pea-sized lumps or nodules a new dull ache or feeling of heaviness in the lower abdomen or

00:18:10.920 groin so that i think is more for hernia and then significant swelling or a sudden change in size

00:18:15.480 so i guess the good thing is if you do it repeatedly you'll start to that's the thing

00:18:19.240 you probably have to do it repeatedly so you get an idea you catch it yes you have a baseline

00:18:23.540 a baseline because otherwise if you're just wandering into your nuts with your hands or

00:18:26.820 whatever right everything in there yeah you don't know what's in there at all yeah no neither 0.99

00:18:31.380 testicle nor breasts are always perfectly symmetrical one side is typically slightly 0.99

00:18:35.440 larger positioned differently in most people and the testicles usually hang at different levels 0.95

00:18:42.100 that gives them also the illusion of seeming like they're different size it'd be funny if we didn't

00:18:46.860 have a sack and they just hung the ball like in that like how the hand was holding the two 0.67

00:18:51.800 individual testicles oh yeah yeah that would be weird that'd be very just like hung like on a

00:18:56.940 string like on strings like just like kabangers like yeah like those those kabangers yeah when 0.98

00:19:04.000 we were little like it was like two balls on the strings and you were like pop pop pop pop pop pop

00:19:08.560 and they were like they were called kabangers bring them up them kabangers bro yeah get those

00:19:13.780 kabangas up there you don't remember those i've never seen those in my life what bro they still

00:19:20.420 sell them now buddy i promise you we're wow man dude i'm so i'm sorry because like i had some

00:19:26.080 really nice times with those with them come back yeah like when you get when you when you know what

00:19:30.920 you're doing you can see a video of somebody doing it when you know what you're doing it's it's uh

00:19:35.100 it's a real treat oh here's a video a commercial for him smitties

00:19:39.840 Smitty's has them.

00:19:40.920 They're the original Kerbangers, and they're guaranteed safe for play

00:19:43.820 and unbreakable, so they'll never chip, peel, or shatter.

00:19:47.140 Get the original Kerbangers at Smitty's,

00:19:49.360 and get set for some fast action.

00:19:51.640 Oh, you knock it. 0.67

00:19:52.540 Frickin' tooth out. 0.98

00:19:53.280 You knock your neighbor's nuts off at that. 0.94

00:19:54.960 Yeah, they were like little, like, nunchucks.

00:19:57.520 Oh, I did used to wish that, like, your nuts had, like,

00:19:59.680 they were, like, secret hearing device or whatever.

00:20:01.940 Like, you could throw, roll one somewhere into a room,

00:20:03.980 and it would be able to hear what was going on.

00:20:06.760 That's dope.

00:20:07.300 That's really good.

00:20:07.660 Like a recon nut or whatever.

00:20:09.040 like a james bond nut yeah yeah yeah that's good this you know the the sack is a good place to hide

00:20:15.480 something oh yeah you know if you can get like some type of surgery where you get like a it's

00:20:20.200 almost like a you remember what you remember what they call ruse kangaroos the sneaker ruse yeah

00:20:25.760 remember yeah so the thing about kangaroos or ruse i think is every single sneaker had a like a

00:20:31.540 hidden pocket on it oh that's right like in the tongue or on the side and they should bring those

00:20:36.880 back you know but that'd be like you can do that with your pouch like with the sack and then you

00:20:42.440 could hide stuff in there yeah well i bet you could get that modulated bro if you got your nuts 0.99

00:20:46.800 modulated bro you could do that in a fucking heartbeat well yeah get you a little side get 0.99

00:20:53.580 you a little pouch almost or get like almost like a little fanny pack put on it yeah they should 0.99

00:20:57.900 make a little fanny pack nuts that goes around you this is not a bad idea if we could find a

00:21:03.180 safe medical way to do it because you ever throw on like a pair of sweats and there's no pockets

00:21:06.780 and you leave the house and you've got no pockets.

00:21:08.760 When you have no pockets, I feel like I might have to go back.

00:21:12.260 Like, I will not buy pants without a proper pocket.

00:21:15.320 Like, you know what I mean?

00:21:16.100 Yeah, well, of course I know what you mean.

00:21:17.800 Yeah, yeah.

00:21:18.420 And then, but if you had a sack that held stuff, like a pouch,

00:21:23.040 you wouldn't have to think about it anymore.

00:21:24.780 You could throw on any pants you want.

00:21:25.960 You could flippantly throw on pants before you leave the house,

00:21:27.820 not even think twice about it.

00:21:28.880 Yeah, that's true, yeah. 1.00

00:21:29.820 If you're like, oh, I just, yeah, I got enough room for a couple of Zans. 1.00

00:21:33.240 Or you could put, like, your license in there, a key, a key fob. 1.00

00:21:37.680 I think putting your license into your nuts is crazy work, bro.

00:21:41.080 Yeah, you're right.

00:21:41.760 But the whole concept is, so you could have gave me it.

00:21:44.940 It's just, you know, we're just trying.

00:21:45.920 I mean, I don't think we're putting anything in there, really.

00:21:47.760 Well, here's the thing. 0.99

00:21:48.540 If you're going to put a Zin in there, two Zins, I think you could put. 0.96

00:21:51.740 I would be careful putting two Zins in there.

00:21:54.080 That's the tobacco?

00:21:55.520 Yeah.

00:21:55.900 You took it to another level.

00:21:57.300 Now you're going to get bowl cancer.

00:21:59.080 You know what I'm saying?

00:22:00.040 All I'm doing is trying to have identification on me.

00:22:02.000 Yeah, you're right, bro.

00:22:03.240 you're right man i'm really going to kind of like my separate way but oh so i didn't ever got that

00:22:08.140 enhanced license for travel so now just in case i always got to bring my passport with me to the

00:22:13.400 airport i'm always afraid i'm gonna forget it at home and then it's gonna be lights out because i

00:22:17.240 can't get on a thing so i would put my maybe my pad you have to fold it up it might be on console

00:22:21.540 but i would maybe permanently carry my passport in my sack but you can't fool dude think about 0.99

00:22:26.180 this though sal i hear you and i love what you're saying but you're right to fold your fucking 0.98

00:22:30.000 passport up it was stupid yeah i know it's too much i couldn't do it it's not it's not built to 0.98

00:22:33.900 be folded but here's what i do think is yeah if you had your nuts or whatever yeah if you could 0.98

00:22:38.700 put two i'm trying to give you a couple a couple zins in your nuts or whatever a couple alps in

00:22:42.560 there um you do zinning i don't do it i mean either i don't know but i think it would be crazy

00:22:48.820 if they're like yeah we we think you have uh like gum cancer in your nut like you'll get like

00:22:54.500 tooth and gum cancer

00:22:55.660 or whatever.

00:22:57.660 They're like,

00:22:58.260 somehow you got mouth...

00:22:59.380 You got gingivitis 1.00

00:23:00.340 of the balls. 0.99

00:23:01.640 Somehow you got 0.99

00:23:02.500 mouth cancer 0.92

00:23:03.260 in your nuts. 0.99

00:23:04.200 You're like,

00:23:04.660 yeah,

00:23:04.840 it's because I've been 0.96

00:23:05.360 fucking zenning 0.98

00:23:06.120 through my magical nut pouch. 0.99

00:23:09.220 But dude,

00:23:09.800 the,

00:23:09.880 the,

00:23:09.940 the,

00:23:10.280 no two nuts

00:23:12.240 are the same.

00:23:12.740 You know that?

00:23:13.120 No two nuts

00:23:13.620 are actually the same.

00:23:14.260 They're like snowflakes.

00:23:14.920 Yeah.

00:23:15.340 Yeah.

00:23:16.540 Pretty cool.

00:23:18.860 You know what time it is,

00:23:20.220 you know what time it is.

00:23:22.440 prize picks america's number one sports picks app the app is really easy to use that's why

00:23:31.300 i like it to get started you just pick more or less on two plus players stat projections

00:23:38.680 and lock in your picks that's it it's simple and with the nba playoffs here there's no better time

00:23:46.440 to get in on the action prize picks is now an official daily fantasy partner of the nba and

00:23:53.280 that kicks off with a nba finals sweepstakes just enter a lineup with a live nba pick during the

00:24:02.300 nba playoffs for a shot to win a trip to the nba finals that's it more details at prizepicks.com

00:24:11.440 slash NBASweepstakes.

00:24:13.640 Best of all, PrizePix

00:24:15.720 will give you $50

00:24:17.380 in lineups when you play your

00:24:19.500 first $5 lineup.

00:24:21.880 Cut. Win or

00:24:23.600 lose, you'll get $50 in lineups.

00:24:25.620 Use promo code Theo when you download

00:24:27.580 the app and sign up today. 0.99

00:24:29.860 Type shit! 0.99

00:24:31.600 PrizePix. Code Theo. 0.99

00:24:33.520 Play responsibly.

00:24:36.000 PrizePix offers DFS and free-to-play.

00:24:37.540 $50 provided is PrizePix DFS lineups.

00:24:39.380 Must spend $5 of real money on prize picks before receiving bonus lineups.

00:24:42.400 Prize picks predict is a registered FCM offering, team picks, and culture picks as event contracts.

00:24:47.040 Both involve significant risk, not for all.

00:24:49.020 Must be 18 and over.

00:24:50.100 And for event contracts via U.S. resident, restrictions apply.

00:24:52.500 Void where prohibited.

00:24:54.020 Use responsibly for help.

00:24:54.760 Call 1-800-426-2537 or visit www.ncpgambling.org.

00:24:59.640 Have you ever woken up in the morning?

00:25:02.260 Yeah, who hasn't, right?

00:25:04.240 I guess some people haven't.

00:25:05.500 R.I.P.

00:25:06.040 but uh have you ever woke up woken up in the morning and just needed a nicotine pouch or

00:25:11.040 just a cup of coffee to to feel human or just sometimes you just need a neighbor to come over

00:25:16.000 and just damn tickle you but how many pouches or cups of coffee or energy drinks or stimulants do

00:25:21.860 you need per day to stop yourself from crashing or from feeling a withdrawal i'm stuck in that 0.98

00:25:28.740 category i i need something you know right when i gotta have i gotta have a little bit of pattern

00:25:33.300 you know for some people it's pouches or coffee or interview drinks or heavy stimulants or just 0.97

00:25:39.180 some people it's just their damn wife yelling at them gets them keyed up and that's why i want to 0.90

00:25:43.220 let you know that now there's ultra pouches these are to stop all of that these pouches are 0.99

00:25:47.960 completely nicotine free and caffeine free and zero calories right there you're probably thinking

00:25:57.280 if they don't have nicotine or caffeine in them, what exactly is in them? Huh? Huh? Plastics.

00:26:06.280 Great question. Ultra uses clinically proven nootropics and adaptogens to deliver immediate

00:26:12.920 focus and smooth energy the last one to two hours. Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch,

00:26:18.080 delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers

00:26:22.860 can use code Theo to get 15% off

00:26:25.440 at TakeUltra.com.

00:26:28.420 That's TakeUltra.com for 15% off

00:26:31.400 with code Theo.

00:26:33.060 After your purchase,

00:26:34.020 they will ask how you heard about them,

00:26:35.700 help support our show,

00:26:36.860 and tell them we sent you.

00:26:38.820 Change it up for yourself.

00:26:40.080 No more nicotine.

00:26:41.200 No more caffeine.

00:26:42.460 Ultra.

00:26:44.840 You dance?

00:26:46.980 No, dude, but I will tell you this.

00:26:48.620 My friend and I,

00:26:49.960 maybe almost,

00:26:50.860 probably like maybe 30 months ago or whatever we went to the park and we saw uh and we watched

00:26:58.240 the people do the zol do the zolza dancing the zolza did you so good that's 30 months ago you

00:27:04.680 went to the park yeah and once people saw them and bro we watched it first we were like whatever

00:27:08.640 bro let's don't look too long because it's just me and him and we're not with anybody or whatever

00:27:12.760 well but you it was just you you mean like there was like a competition or like a dance party or

00:27:16.680 something yeah it's just a dance party they had over there by the lake it's over there by centennial

00:27:19.780 park in uh in uh nashville you can probably even look it up and so they have just like a lot of

00:27:24.800 latinos and a couple of like indian guys trying to pretend they were mexican or whatever like

00:27:29.060 putting on like yeah but they they have their own really good dance routines too you ever see them

00:27:33.100 they go they go hard yeah like those they those like like those routines where everyone's doing

00:27:37.500 the same thing they say choreographed it's like she's all that it's like she's all that is it

00:27:43.060 like i feel like the like the indian weddings i've seen in passing on like youtube or like

00:27:47.520 Instagram was like

00:27:48.640 and you see them

00:27:49.460 and like they all

00:27:50.380 like know the exact

00:27:51.120 that's so cool

00:27:51.820 that's my dream

00:27:52.900 for like a 0.50

00:27:53.920 a dance to bust out

00:27:55.560 and everyone does it together

00:27:56.580 yeah

00:27:57.100 you know

00:27:57.700 dude that's a good

00:27:59.020 yeah man

00:27:59.540 yeah I went out

00:28:01.180 dancing last night

00:28:01.960 you went out dancing last night

00:28:03.000 I felt like my mom

00:28:03.740 in the 80s

00:28:04.420 you're lying

00:28:04.940 I swear to you

00:28:05.960 I went out dancing

00:28:06.800 you felt like your mom

00:28:07.740 you wore a brooch

00:28:08.640 you wore a brooch

00:28:09.300 no but I do love a brooch

00:28:11.240 me too

00:28:11.820 I got my wife a brooch recently

00:28:13.460 you did

00:28:13.980 I swear to god

00:28:14.580 that's awesome

00:28:15.760 I love it

00:28:16.540 So brooches, they're just wonderful.

00:28:18.580 I think they're like, they're not in,

00:28:20.260 I don't know if they're really in style anymore,

00:28:21.960 but they're timeless brooches.

00:28:24.780 Yeah.

00:28:25.200 Yeah.

00:28:25.540 I think when you see someone that broach, you think,

00:28:27.920 well, sometimes you think like somebody passed away

00:28:30.540 and there's like a little image of them in it, right?

00:28:32.400 Sometimes like a locket.

00:28:33.240 Something like that.

00:28:33.920 Yeah.

00:28:34.260 Yeah.

00:28:34.540 But sometimes it's just decorative.

00:28:36.000 Yes.

00:28:36.580 Yeah.

00:28:36.940 You think this, they're almost like,

00:28:38.120 it feels like a little bit of royalty,

00:28:39.480 like neighborhood royalty.

00:28:40.540 I like it.

00:28:41.060 Yeah.

00:28:41.340 It does feel like something,

00:28:42.580 like a little bit of like a, like a, like a badge.

00:28:45.180 Yes.

00:28:45.460 Yeah.

00:28:45.680 Right.

00:28:46.120 That's what it is.

00:28:46.860 Oh, yeah.

00:28:47.300 They got some great broaches.

00:28:48.260 There's a place here called The Five Spot is a bar.

00:28:52.500 And on Mondays, they have Motown Mondays.

00:28:55.020 And that's all I need to hear.

00:28:56.400 Yeah.

00:28:56.940 I love it.

00:28:58.240 It was like soul music, Motown music.

00:29:01.620 And we went last night.

00:29:02.780 It was one of my friend's birthdays.

00:29:03.720 We went, and I was like, I don't go out because, you know, at home,

00:29:07.780 I'm just working in the kids and stuff.

00:29:08.940 So I was like, let's go, let's go.

00:29:10.600 Dude, I danced for like a good couple hours last night.

00:29:12.940 I don't remember the last time I did that.

00:29:14.360 Probably like at a wedding or something.

00:29:15.500 But I was like in the wild dancing

00:29:17.720 No way

00:29:18.920 Dude that's so fun and everybody was just dancing and having fun

00:29:21.860 Everybody yeah the place wasn't that crowded

00:29:23.740 And every last person there was dancing

00:29:25.580 Get down on it they play stuff like that

00:29:27.680 You talking about Kool and the Gang?

00:29:29.000 Come on babe I love it

00:29:31.460 It's hard

00:29:32.240 That song comes on by Kool and the Gang

00:29:34.680 I have to dance

00:29:36.580 I don't know about you

00:29:37.680 So you don't dance

00:29:39.020 Here's the thing I just forget about it

00:29:42.400 I think if I had someone

00:29:44.160 like i wouldn't mind having a date and we go to the um square dancing there is a tuesday night

00:29:51.300 place here that does square dance i think it's the american legion or something where they teach

00:29:54.840 how to square dance my friend chris just went last week and i'm line dancing like that yes

00:29:59.100 so i would like to learn that yeah and then uh that's a nice entry point yeah and just a couple

00:30:04.600 of two steps get you feeling like you you're part of the group yes to get me out on the dance floor

00:30:09.520 i used to love to dance now sometimes i think i feel a little bit like sometimes i have some

00:30:13.460 social anxiety about sure it's hard to dance now if people are like yeah you can't just let loose

00:30:17.960 yeah honestly i'm afraid yes somebody will video me and probably make fun of me which is fair i'm

00:30:21.980 okay i have to make fun of me yeah okay but just doing it like oh like there's some part of it i

00:30:27.360 don't like and i think it's just that uh i don't know i here's the thing i don't want to see a

00:30:32.900 video of how bad i'm dancing because i want to still believe in my head that i'm a good dancer

00:30:37.920 sure sure sure that's what it is yeah but so don't take that ability away from me yeah by like using 0.73

00:30:43.340 me to fucking just to burn me one i would love to watch you sincerely dance okay you know okay 0.61

00:30:51.400 you know i would just love to see you like genuinely dancing okay and see what that looks 0.99

00:30:57.000 like okay you know what your rhythm is what your moves are like how you get down i think a lot of

00:31:03.340 like that oh when the blues will come on bro i get out there and dance to the blues yeah a day

00:31:07.740 used to have a place called tabby's blues box over there in downtown baton rouge bro and i'd get out

00:31:11.640 there bro and they had a little bit of sliced ham or something over there on the side you know

00:31:16.220 they look like they put out a little like uh a little like all you can eat like type of thing

00:31:20.020 or something it was like it wasn't all you could eat but it was like you can eat a little yeah

00:31:24.540 you know i'm saying but they had like i had food people would dance to the blues and eat ham yeah

00:31:29.320 they had a dude sitting by it so you know you couldn't have that much oh so it was like he

00:31:33.380 served it he like you like like when you get up at a wedding at a buffet like and they slice it

00:31:37.980 for you like that oh yeah like that no no no ham steak no this was just kind of regular ham like

00:31:44.980 like deli ham no i was like a it was like a few stairs up from deli ham so somewhere between

00:31:50.860 deli ham and the ham steak yeah like neighborhood ham or whatever or like it's a ham that had been

00:31:56.140 kind of trucked in it had been flown in okay but it'd come on a truck but how do they prepare it

00:32:00.620 Like what's on, like a glaze?

00:32:02.060 No, they just cooked.

00:32:02.980 I think they cooked it.

00:32:04.100 Just cooked ham.

00:32:05.100 Yeah.

00:32:05.440 And then while the blues, yeah, while the blues was going on.

00:32:07.640 And they had some crackers out there.

00:32:09.020 They just had a little setup.

00:32:09.920 But they had a dude, you could tell you couldn't have a lot

00:32:12.680 because they had a dude sitting by it.

00:32:14.020 Like they had, like we're going to pay this dude to sit by it.

00:32:16.980 Yeah, because that's unfortunately what happens in society.

00:32:20.080 If you just have unchecked ham,

00:32:21.940 it's going to be like a Black Friday situation.

00:32:24.480 You know, you ever see when they give the tote bags at Trader Joe's?

00:32:26.900 People just become animals.

00:32:28.600 Yeah, yeah.

00:32:29.100 And you can't, ham?

00:32:30.620 People are already sad listening to the blues.

00:32:32.780 You can't just put out ham.

00:32:33.720 They're going to run for that.

00:32:34.560 It's a comfort food.

00:32:35.560 Oh, bro, yeah. 1.00

00:32:36.640 One song was so sad I didn't have a mouth full of fucking ham. 0.99

00:32:40.360 It's hard to cry when your mouth's full. 0.99

00:32:42.880 You know what I'm talking about?

00:32:44.040 Yeah.

00:32:44.300 You remember being a kid?

00:32:45.180 You can't cry and chew.

00:32:46.620 Yeah, you can't cry and chew.

00:32:49.360 You can't.

00:32:49.660 You can't cry and eat.

00:32:50.600 It's impossible.

00:32:51.280 It was a fat boy's dilemma, bro. 0.98

00:32:54.200 You really can't, though. 0.61

00:32:55.780 That's why you can't be sad and chubby, dude,

00:32:57.820 because that's the dilemma that God sets you in.

00:33:00.160 Like, you're going to be able to have as much little ham as you want,

00:33:03.100 but you ain't going to be able to be sad about it.

00:33:04.960 Yeah.

00:33:06.000 That's why people eat, to stop crying.

00:33:08.220 Oh, dude.

00:33:08.960 Right?

00:33:09.180 Yes.

00:33:09.520 Why is it?

00:33:10.160 That should be written on our American flag.

00:33:12.360 Think about someone with a huge hoagie, hysterically crying and eating it.

00:33:16.280 I've never seen it.

00:33:17.540 It's a visual I've never seen.

00:33:20.720 People can't cry and eat at the same time.

00:33:23.520 Yeah.

00:33:23.900 All right?

00:33:24.620 It's like sneezing and, or it's like.

00:33:28.540 Yeah.

00:33:28.960 Right.

00:33:29.400 Whatever it's called.

00:33:30.160 Like sneezing and, like, wishing for...

00:33:31.940 Is this something?

00:33:33.260 Yeah, something.

00:33:33.580 And I thought it was something with sneezing.

00:33:35.040 It's like rubbing your belly and, like...

00:33:36.520 And chewing gum?

00:33:37.660 No.

00:33:38.120 And patting your head.

00:33:39.360 Flirting with your neighbor's wife or something.

00:33:40.920 That's it.

00:33:41.240 You can't do it all.

00:33:42.420 Yeah, it's like... 0.52

00:33:43.600 Yeah, patting your head, rubbing your belly. 0.99

00:33:44.920 It's like rubbing your belly and checking your balls for cancer. 0.99

00:33:46.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:33:47.520 You cannot do the same.

00:33:50.500 Dude, thank you, bro.

00:33:53.820 Thank you for making me laugh today.

00:33:56.180 I appreciate it, man.

00:33:56.860 Of course, man.

00:33:57.680 I appreciate it.

00:33:58.360 Are you kidding me?

00:33:58.460 I want to ask you

00:34:00.060 because your podcasting has changed recently

00:34:02.900 and I wanted to talk about this

00:34:04.600 I wanted to know why

00:34:05.420 because you had two podcasts

00:34:07.860 you had one that you were doing with Chris DiStefano

00:34:10.620 yes

00:34:11.160 Hey Babe

00:34:11.860 and then you had your own

00:34:14.000 I had one with Joe DeRosa called Taste Buds

00:34:16.220 and Joe moved to Austin

00:34:19.540 so that kind of brought that one to an end

00:34:21.440 yeah and Chris moved up like state or whatever

00:34:23.800 oh he's living up state

00:34:24.860 yeah but I'm telling you

00:34:26.340 Because when we put these on hiatus, we said to the fans, like, they're just going on hiatus.

00:34:31.240 It's been a couple of years now.

00:34:32.760 But people think, like, we lied.

00:34:35.020 We had no intentions.

00:34:35.840 We have full intentions of bringing them both back.

00:34:38.360 No joke.

00:34:39.080 Like, I talked to both of them recently.

00:34:41.580 Chris texted me two days ago and said, you want to do, like, a short run of them just to put it back out there?

00:34:46.020 And I'm like, yeah.

00:34:46.560 And I talked to Joe.

00:34:47.540 He said the same.

00:34:48.220 So we really are going to bring it back.

00:34:49.780 But I got a new talk show, like, pod coming out called Minouche, which is, like, short for Minouche.

00:34:54.240 and it's like big guest small talk but it's like it's like absurd it's like uh it goes in and out

00:35:00.880 of conversation and sketch comedy it's like something just completely different huh yeah

00:35:05.260 like it's uh it's it's off the wall it's really fun i shot like 10 episodes so you already did

00:35:09.580 yeah i shot ted i'm gonna do them by seasons like 10 episode seasons so i'm gonna release it

00:35:13.500 like probably sometime in may and then kick it off it's it's been so much fun you gotta i talked

00:35:18.840 to you about you gotta come on yeah i'm gonna come in i'm gonna come through you know i'm gonna come

00:35:22.300 and do one please i'd love to have you we'll have a lot of fun i'd love to be on there it's really

00:35:26.040 different like it's not this you know it's well yeah that's what i'm curious about so like yeah

00:35:29.300 because you're saying like it also involves improv so what like how does that kind of look

00:35:33.860 or a little bit of like we're like it's like nothing to is that we do and say is to be taken

00:35:40.040 seriously it's all just we're doing shtick the whole time and we're like we're in on the joke

00:35:44.180 and it's like but it's edited really fun it's like edited in like little chunks and it's like

00:35:48.340 to look like it's on an old vhs tape it's like it's it's really i don't know it's just something

00:35:52.380 i just made up like a couple years ago when we went on hiatus i'm like i want to do something

00:35:56.760 completely like solo that has like a really specific sensibility to it so it doesn't i mean

00:36:02.880 this isn't a great pitch it doesn't sound funny but you know it's really it's really it's unique

00:36:06.440 i'm super excited for people you do a lot i mean those are your wheelhouses you know comedy and

00:36:11.460 improv and so to have some of that together i think it definitely makes sense how was i mean

00:36:14.900 it sounds cool if you if you've talked about this enough no problem but like how was

00:36:18.620 your experience filming the movie and stuff did you guys improvise a lot on that um i think i

00:36:24.480 didn't know exactly what was going on to be honest with you like bro until the day we showed up there

00:36:29.440 it's gotta be nerve-wracking right i thought it was all email so the day we showed up on set i was

00:36:33.180 like no way everybody was being real serious about this you know and it was a real movie there's like

00:36:38.220 people walking around there's like one guy just looking for something yeah you know there's like

00:36:42.100 some guy is like dressing somebody up like in a uh you know um outfit or whatever you know it's 0.96

00:36:48.040 like we need you had the full trailer like all that shit oh everything it's like electrical 0.83

00:36:52.120 lines it's like don't you know and people you like you you funded it too like you guys made 0.97

00:36:56.840 it yourself yeah we wrote it and funded it and everything so isn't that like how like nerve

00:37:00.500 wracking was that to like be like all right whether we're gonna this is gonna do well gonna

00:37:04.360 invest it back but even the fact that you've never done that before and then to walk in on

00:37:08.460 a production net like that size and then be at the like the person running it basically that's

00:37:13.940 a good question dude i think honestly like i kind of struggled with like that you know i want to be

00:37:21.400 in like you know i'm very particular about what i put out in a way like i just i wanted to try and

00:37:27.500 be true to myself however right and it wasn't like bad or anything it was just different right and i

00:37:32.700 and i and going back i wish in some places i wish i would have spoke up more and in some places i

00:37:37.620 wish i would have spoke up less it's going to be a learning experience we made the one movie and

00:37:41.340 it was a learning experience for me like i didn't like a lot there's a lot of things i would change

00:37:45.060 after it but did a lot of people go see your movie yeah yeah it was out when covet hit we were in

00:37:49.120 theaters when the world shut down so we were expanding because like we were doing that we had

00:37:53.220 a great per theater average so they didn't give us a wide wide rollout but we were uh we were the

00:37:58.660 highest per theater average so it kept expanding week over week so we were heading into our fifth

00:38:03.340 week they were going to give us like a few more weeks and then it shut down yeah it's kind of

00:38:06.580 but yeah i don't have a ton of ego in it i think it was awesome i learned so much did you have

00:38:11.480 nerves like every day or did they that go away no i just because i would just be like did i have

00:38:20.120 nerves like what for sure some scenes i did some scenes i just got to be david's i'm like the uh

00:38:26.220 ball i'm like say if somebody's bouncing a ball off a wall i'm kind of the wall right sure sure

00:38:30.780 and then it kind of changed over time it changed a little bit where i'm like sometimes i'm catching

00:38:34.380 the ball and throw it back yeah so i think it was just moments of confidence um when my confidence

00:38:39.620 would feel okay yeah yeah and uh and learning as i went but i mean i'd take an act class over the

00:38:45.200 years i've done a lot of practice scenes and shit but in the end you just want to have fun with your

00:38:49.540 buddy and you want to come up with what's funny so we'd we'd be sitting there improv a lot like 0.87

00:38:53.340 throwing ideas it's baby like we'll try this one and then sometimes you want to hold your idea

00:38:57.220 because you don't want to tell them because you want to say it in real time time yeah so it's

00:39:00.480 actually funny yeah yeah yeah yeah you did a lot of that yeah but looking back i think there's so

00:39:05.620 many just little moments like just seeing like spade like just trying to stay warm because we 1.00

00:39:10.640 had a day like we were supposed to shoot during the co during the um fires the shit fucking you 0.99

00:39:16.220 know dude yeah whoever it was somebody that spencer pratt hates tried to burn down the palisades you 0.99

00:39:21.520 know and while all that shit was happening you know yeah our movie was supposed to shoot but 0.97

00:39:27.160 once you've already paid and got shit locked in you're kind of locked in yeah yeah for sure and 0.93

00:39:31.680 so we like one day there was like 60 mile per hour winds and we didn't need wind in the movie 0.97

00:39:35.400 or whatever right right right you have to it has to be in it we can't afford a redo so right right

00:39:39.540 you know it's like yeah this day cost a mile it's 60 mile an hour winds there's a scene of you guys

00:39:45.080 like in the park and there's a tornado for no reason like you do you do you make mention of

00:39:50.120 it in the movie or is it just like whipping winds oh there's just whipping winds this one

00:39:53.860 this one day at this gas station um the guy uh stevie januski steve little he's from uh

00:40:01.360 eastbound and down oh god dude he is the funniest guy he is i mean that character the the outtakes

00:40:09.200 from eastbound and down are the i think probably the greatest thing ever ever on recording you

00:40:13.580 you worked with him how is he in real life oh dude i mean it's literally like the nicest guy

00:40:20.340 yeah yeah he's so funny it's all like for somebody that has such an effect like being funny

00:40:25.220 it's almost like he doesn't want to have too much of an effect in any other way not in he just he's

00:40:30.760 a gentle guy that's what i mean okay he's a gentle guy he doesn't he's not trying to stir the pot or

00:40:35.900 anything sure but you put him right there in the middle of the porridge and cut those lights on

00:40:40.440 and dang it's he's he made he had you laughing it's a beautiful soup yeah that's awesome so yeah

00:40:48.080 just little things like that i think and looking back and like um so the the fires delayed you

00:40:54.040 no we just had to like move a little bit over this hill you know and i'm like we'll probably

00:40:58.960 be safe over this hill or whatever and i'm like that sounds oh it was like during them well yeah 0.98

00:41:03.980 yeah that's oh yeah it was during them oh my god dude no when you're like it's like it's shit was 0.62

00:41:10.020 spreading across town like yeah there'd be times you'd be going across yeah and you'd see just oh

00:41:14.920 my god you see a bird fly by and he was on fire whatever you're like stop bro he's like i gotta

00:41:21.140 get somewhere you know he's like my wife's pissed or whatever you're like all right just do it

00:41:25.940 oh man but yeah i didn't even think to say that yeah the fires were going on so there'd be days 0.96

00:41:30.340 you're driving home and shit's just oh fire everywhere that's messed up it was crazy we had 0.81

00:41:36.140 to um i have the i i executive produced this show that that started that came out this week actually 0.98

00:41:41.620 It's called Foul Play with Anthony Davis, A.D., NBA player.

00:41:45.200 Oh, yeah.

00:41:45.840 He played for the Pelicans.

00:41:47.300 He played.

00:41:47.900 Down in New Orleans.

00:41:48.560 He's in the – I think he's on Dallas now.

00:41:51.120 He got traded from the Lakers.

00:41:52.480 Oh, they traded him?

00:41:53.460 Yeah, I think so.

00:41:55.260 But so he has this show.

00:41:57.220 It's like a punk almost, right?

00:41:59.100 It started last week.

00:42:00.080 We had to pull a bit from the first episode, 16 episodes.

00:42:05.740 And it rated – it just aired.

00:42:07.180 It rated like the highest new series on TBS in like years.

00:42:10.240 but so we had this thing where floyd mayweather was the guest and he was helping us do this like

00:42:16.340 prank on this person so this this family lost their house in a fire this was before the fires

00:42:21.480 okay family like the the setup was that this family lost their house in a fire and floyd

00:42:28.760 mayweather held this uh charity barbecue for them to get like uh like with the community to get like

00:42:35.520 their belongings back so people brought them like gifts and stuff so they got all their um

00:42:40.080 like their housewares and things back and like people are donating this stuff at the barbecue

00:42:46.100 at the charity barbecue and then they all their stuff catches fire from the barbecue and burns

00:42:51.640 again so like they just lost their home i feel like i almost saw this dude it was the funniest

00:42:57.440 thing ever uh at floyd floyd mayweather is in on it but then when they then the fires happened

00:43:02.720 they're like we're like we can't you can't put this in it's like it's too insensitive so they

00:43:07.600 pulled it but it was like it was supposed to be in the first episode it's really funny but uh

00:43:11.440 and draymond green was there yeah he was in another one he's always fighting he's always

00:43:15.920 hitting white dudes all the time is he i don't know he used to be anyway he might have gotten

00:43:19.820 healed or whatever might have gotten saved well yeah i haven't i haven't heard much about him 0.94

00:43:23.920 hitting hitting he was just hitting whites or off whites or whatever you know he's hitting like

00:43:28.020 mixed dudes it was like it was like mixed and down you know it just seemed like a lot of times 1.00

00:43:32.280 He wouldn't crack like a real solid black dude. 1.00

00:43:36.320 I will say that, bro. 1.00

00:43:38.120 And respect him.

00:43:38.840 He's a champion. 1.00

00:43:39.960 He whooped my ass. 1.00

00:43:41.320 But he definitely punched Mick's and down, I think. 1.00

00:43:46.500 But, dude, that's so cool.

00:43:47.900 What's Anthony Davis like?

00:43:49.640 Does he have a big personality? 0.69

00:43:51.280 Yeah, he's dope.

00:43:51.960 He's really fun.

00:43:52.760 The reason we ended up doing this is because he was a guest on our show.

00:43:56.180 And we did a bunch of stuff with him.

00:43:58.260 And then he was like, I love this.

00:43:59.820 He's like, I love this more than basketball.

00:44:01.260 he's like this is what i really want to do what it's what i got he's like i this is what this is

00:44:06.100 where i really wish i could do and we're like why don't we develop something together and then we

00:44:09.780 did and got picked up foul play foul play that's awesome so people can watch this on tbs yeah it's

00:44:15.120 on every week now dude that's great bro yeah um i'll share something about it as soon as our show's

00:44:20.140 over yeah yeah um dude we got we got and i told you we got i start filming jokers again uh in two

00:44:26.100 days season 13 crazy so minutia is the podcast yeah podcast improv show i think it's like a talk

00:44:32.560 show okay yeah it's a talk show and that's just gonna be on youtube yeah well we're gonna pitch

00:44:37.100 it we're gonna you know try to sell it but you know youtube's great yeah yeah yeah we're doing

00:44:41.500 youtube and you should be like just on youtube but now you're like if it's it better be on youtube

00:44:45.460 yeah oh yeah for sure yeah yeah um dude yeah that's great you're staying so busy do you feel

00:44:50.900 kind of overwhelmed yeah yeah i haven't i had another kid since i saw you last so do you remember

00:44:57.640 last time dude man yeah you know i did i get talked to so much about about um my appearance

00:45:03.380 on here last time and uh the clip of me talking about my daughter oh yeah it was like it was

00:45:07.480 pretty dope let's play it i want to see it yeah yeah i just want to feel something today

00:45:12.080 i hadn't spoken about my anything in public prior to this your show now is like it's like

00:45:20.040 news is the news media now like this is you know this is literally guys trying to decide if they

00:45:24.760 have testicular and i you know i'm like all right so i was like let's you know i talked about on my

00:45:29.780 own terms with you i felt comfortable i'm like you know you were like you take it out if you

00:45:33.760 want like just leave it just put it out i'm happy and ever since then it's been like a new thing for

00:45:37.420 me because like it's out in the open now now my new hour that i'm touring with like i talk about

00:45:42.340 my family my kids i never did that before but we through some of that we honestly just talk like

00:45:46.780 honestly sal like just tell me like yeah because i think there's like there's probably parts in

00:45:50.600 all of our lives we're afraid to talk about something yeah or afraid to talk about it and

00:45:54.780 then it ends up being different on the other side because yeah i think you were uh yeah let's just

00:45:59.280 we'll take a peek at it really quick we can always take this out inexpressible pure happiness and joy

00:46:07.680 that you feel like you are i love the music in the background i don't know why it's overwhelming

00:46:14.720 you cannot process it

00:46:16.320 you can't believe it 0.99

00:46:18.000 damn I'm crying 0.97

00:46:19.040 that's good that's good man 0.99

00:46:22.740 why do they put the music

00:46:24.160 that was a little morose

00:46:26.360 it was it felt like yeah

00:46:28.420 it felt like the beginning of Castlevania

00:46:29.960 remember that game

00:46:30.620 yeah the music

00:46:32.400 on the one two player screen

00:46:35.980 yeah in the beginning

00:46:37.220 that was a gay player dude 0.80

00:46:40.780 that's like when a gay guy kind of gets trapped 1.00

00:46:42.860 and like fucking had a Halloween party in New Jersey, dude. 1.00

00:46:46.480 That's what Castlevania was 0.99

00:46:47.900 because it's just this dude just running around with a whip.

00:46:51.080 That wasn't like the most popular clip.

00:46:53.880 What happened was a lot of parenting accounts,

00:46:58.560 like Instagram accounts,

00:46:59.440 they picked that up and inspirational accounts.

00:47:02.220 And it was a different clip.

00:47:03.340 And that just went like so, so viral.

00:47:05.060 And then because your show is like so big,

00:47:08.060 like Us Weekly and-

00:47:10.340 Did they really?

00:47:11.560 All those people and all that stuff picked it up.

00:47:13.540 It's like, Sal, secret wedding.

00:47:15.780 And it's like, well, it wasn't really a secret.

00:47:17.200 I just didn't, like, tell you guys I got married.

00:47:18.900 It was like a secret wedding.

00:47:20.520 But that's kind of hot, though.

00:47:22.220 It kind of makes it kind of hot for you and Francesca

00:47:24.800 that it's just like, oh, it's a secret wedding.

00:47:26.880 That adds some allure to it.

00:47:28.400 Oh, and Practical Joker star Sal reveals he secretly got married

00:47:33.980 and has a baby daughter. 1.00

00:47:35.340 Bro, that makes you sound like a fucking rapper. 1.00

00:47:36.960 I know. 1.00

00:47:39.980 Bro, that's crazy.

00:47:41.260 yeah yeah yeah but dude i have a boy now too no yeah the best dude it's the best is he yeah he's

00:47:47.680 so dope oh he's awesome man what's his name yes if it would have been any other name i would not

00:47:57.420 have been excited dude that's so cool man yeah yeah but did it feel like i want to i want to hear

00:48:03.600 about him yeah um well yeah tell me what do you love about what's what it's something that's just

00:48:07.980 you know so cool it's like um so i went through everything with my daughter and then like

00:48:12.260 she's like three and a half now he's about 16 months and like you you you it goes so fast

00:48:19.120 it's so nice to get to do it over again because those moments that when they're that young are

00:48:24.100 so fleeting they change they're growing so fast they're like it's a new thing all the time and

00:48:29.100 it goes lightning fast and you try the best you can to savor it but it's like it's it's it goes

00:48:34.500 so fast so then to just start from scratch again and then like the first time it's all firsts for

00:48:41.480 you and the kid right so it's like you're processing all this stuff and then so the

00:48:45.100 second time you have like a you have this foundation and an idea and you know what to

00:48:49.020 look for already so you can kind of experience it um in a different way you just experience it like

00:48:53.800 a little bit more you're able to really absorb it because it's not like you're like a deer in

00:48:57.560 the headlights oh i see and so it's like you're playing hot potato the whole time yeah exactly

00:49:01.800 and it's like you just and you just um it's just really nice to

00:49:05.400 those those stages are the ones that you know parents are always like oh if i could have my

00:49:11.060 kids back at that age again you know so it was like nice to get like a double dip in there that's

00:49:15.380 and uh and just watch them grow like interact and and watch their relationship together build

00:49:21.020 like the kids there's nothing that that's the when they're like sitting on the couch together

00:49:26.180 leaning on each other just eating fruit you know like and he'll just crawl up on the couch and put

00:49:30.560 his head on her shoulder while she's just like eating stuff and they just sit there like and

00:49:34.320 then you walk into the room and you see them just cuddling each other whatever yeah it's like come

00:49:38.260 on man there's like literally nothing close to this oh that's nothing i get right in between them

00:49:43.740 you know they get on you know the best thing i could do is just have my kids in my lap just

00:49:49.080 holding them you know like just watching like just yes i know it's i bet it's almost like as

00:49:53.260 you almost i bet can't i bet you almost feels like you can't even let them know how much you

00:49:57.760 love them it's impossible it's impossible that's kind of a crazy thing if you think about it

00:50:02.240 that there's something inside of us even just as humans right where you i couldn't even let you

00:50:07.480 know how much i love you if if i had like it's impossible for me to it's it's it's it's impossible

00:50:14.180 i don't know how to express it yeah and do you feel like that's probably a feeling for most

00:50:19.280 parents it has to be i think it's an innate feeling right so so and i'm not trying to

00:50:24.060 But I forget sometimes if I don't share what I'm feeling.

00:50:27.180 So that to me just shows us how powerful love must be if we can't even,

00:50:32.480 if like as human beings, just as like citizens in the world,

00:50:35.760 we can't even, if like the love that you would have for your child,

00:50:39.260 you can't even express.

00:50:40.740 It can't be expressed.

00:50:41.820 It can't even express.

00:50:42.820 Although nothing will do it justice.

00:50:45.140 There's no way to like actually encapsulate it.

00:50:48.240 It's pretty powerful because the other things you can express,

00:50:50.520 a lot of other feelings like anger, hatred, you know,

00:50:53.520 like um yeah uh affection or like um look up some other feelings sorry

00:50:59.580 would you stop short of three

00:51:04.240 you're like happy mad what else um confused cranky i mean all these other things but this

00:51:14.620 is so you know so i didn't mean to cut you off no no go on you cut me off but you get what i'm

00:51:18.240 saying though that isn't it's crazy that we can't even that it's love is such a powerful thing we

00:51:22.900 it's bigger than us even as humans because we're not able to convert you know i'm saying we can't

00:51:29.420 yeah and that is pinging in my heart at all times like i you know when you're like your heart melts

00:51:36.140 you're not feeling like sometimes just in the moment you see something or like whatever and

00:51:39.760 you're like your heart like melts a little bit so what this is like is that like the melting

00:51:44.140 feeling is constant oh yeah yeah so like just fully it doesn't stop walking around with a mop

00:51:50.320 yeah yeah dude it just doesn't stop it's like continually melting the whole time if they're

00:51:55.120 you know i talked about something they're in if they're even in the room with me just something

00:51:58.340 changes you know that's it it's just it's wild but um yeah i remember you saying that dude yeah

00:52:03.200 it was just that was a that was awesome to hear about and they're so it's so cute to see them like

00:52:06.880 like see those uh you just had up those those color-coded things so my daughter she goes to

00:52:11.680 like occupational therapy and she to learn about her like to process her this stuff and her feelings

00:52:17.080 that they teach her

00:52:17.660 this stuff

00:52:18.040 and so she

00:52:18.860 she knows all these

00:52:20.060 these color-coded

00:52:21.200 emotions

00:52:21.980 so when she comes home

00:52:23.500 and she's having like a

00:52:24.380 because they're gonna

00:52:25.100 you know

00:52:25.880 they're gonna have

00:52:26.600 these like

00:52:27.480 these

00:52:28.060 it's inevitable for them

00:52:29.920 to like

00:52:30.680 when they grow up

00:52:31.280 to have these like

00:52:31.980 you know

00:52:33.180 their tantrums

00:52:33.860 and this 1.00

00:52:34.080 they have to work

00:52:34.600 through all this

00:52:35.220 it's not like

00:52:35.840 you have a bad kid

00:52:36.560 if they're like

00:52:37.080 if they act out

00:52:37.900 like they're gonna be crazy

00:52:38.920 at two and three years old

00:52:39.860 right

00:52:40.300 because they're

00:52:40.700 all these feelings

00:52:41.580 are getting baked in them

00:52:42.860 their brains getting developed

00:52:44.100 and they don't know

00:52:44.620 how to you know

00:52:45.120 it's like the first time

00:52:45.760 you get on a lime scooter 1.00

00:52:46.560 you like you don't like you're just fucking taking that bitch that was like the first time i got on 1.00

00:52:49.880 one yeah yeah it was like i didn't know what was going on yeah but she'll tell me like if she's 1.00

00:52:54.020 like upset she'll be like dad i'm in the blue zone right now they call the blue zone she's like dad

00:52:59.660 i'm in the blue zone right now and i'm like you're upset she's like yeah i'm saying i'm in the blue

00:53:03.580 zone she's like i i need to get to the green zone like this is how she speaks to me i'm like let's

00:53:08.900 do it what do you need to get into that green zone let's do it she's she's dope man they're

00:53:13.280 like my you know little best friends dude that's so cool though also for a kid even just to be able

00:53:17.480 to like well just have a instead of just having a feeling have a thought about a feeling right

00:53:22.260 yeah okay yeah well what it so it's it just adds so much more to you yeah yeah it's it's unreal

00:53:28.340 you're not just a victim of how you feel you there's a little bit more like okay well let me

00:53:32.540 like they start thinking in a way that's just not just basic it's like think about like at the end

00:53:37.220 of the day we when she goes to bed we always discuss the day so we talk about like i'll sing

00:53:42.720 her a song and in the song i with the song i sing her every night i made i made it up myself

00:53:47.340 just naturally it came out you know and then i started adding verses to it and now i sing this

00:53:52.260 whole song and the song the whole point about the song is i love you i love you so much you'll never

00:53:56.960 know how much i love you like that's that's literally what it is but then we talk about the

00:54:00.220 day and uh and then i'll say like you know what would you know what were you most proud of today

00:54:04.340 so like she's three but to get her thinking like that like not just like what'd you do today but

00:54:09.920 what were you the most proud of tonight it positions her mind to think that way and then

00:54:14.160 like build our confidence of it this stuff like there's so much parenting stuff and psych psychology

00:54:18.880 child psychology it's fascinating and it's like you know it's the most important job you'll ever

00:54:23.460 have you know yeah so i like take it like you know it's it's it's it's it's great to it's hard

00:54:29.100 but it's like it's really fun to to raise a to raise a human being it's it's like it's so it's

00:54:34.760 so it's an honor you know like it's a real honor dude that's pretty cool to be able to think out

00:54:38.600 think about it like that yeah i'm here to tell you about a uh a social app or atmosphere or website

00:54:46.720 about that that i really love and it is shopify shopify is hands down the best place to start and

00:54:53.240 grow a business shopify makes it so just a small business can be a business for everybody if you

00:55:00.620 want it to shopify is the platform where you really own everything your store your community

00:55:06.540 your customers and your data. That's what's most important. Shopify is the commerce platform where

00:55:12.620 you don't have to build your business on borrowed land. With Shopify, the customer relationship

00:55:18.120 is yours. It's where I turned our idea into an actual business. We've been using them for years

00:55:26.120 with our merch store and they have all the tools you need to help your business grow. They'll do

00:55:30.940 it. Shopify will do it. They'll get you from a business that's just yours and get out to

00:55:35.980 everybody. In old days, if you wanted to expand your business, you had to get a slingshot or

00:55:41.680 whatever to deliver something or just tie it to a damn dog's back and let him run off with it and 0.99

00:55:47.600 just be hopeful. Thought about starting a business? This is your sign. Get started today 0.99

00:55:52.800 at shopify.com slash theo. Go to shopify.com slash theo. If I can do it, you can do it.

00:56:01.240 This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

00:56:04.820 Did you know that 88% of Americans say they are feeling some form of financial stress

00:56:10.380 at the start of 2026?

00:56:13.120 Of course you knew that.

00:56:14.300 We all, I mean, who doesn't know that?

00:56:17.360 Money worries, yep, they can bring on anxiety, sleep disruption, depression, and even just

00:56:24.960 a general rattling of the bones.

00:56:27.600 They're one of the leading sources of conflict amongst couples.

00:56:31.240 if you relate to that, remember, it's not just you. And what matters is finding the right kind

00:56:36.840 of support. That's what always matters. And that's where BetterHelp comes in.

00:56:42.580 BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S.

00:56:49.860 BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can just focus on your time with your

00:56:55.420 therapist and your therapy goals when life feels overwhelming therapy can help sign up and get 10

00:57:02.440 off at betterhelp.com slash theo that's better h-e-l-p dot com slash theo betterhelp.com slash

00:57:12.040 theo and do they ever like if they get in trouble they're like give me a punishment dad like do they

00:57:16.760 ever make you give them like something that's just no they're too young for that like send me

00:57:19.660 out into traffic or something put a earpiece in my ear punishments yet yeah no no it's more about

00:57:25.320 just managing you know just managing their behavior but it's like yeah um yeah what was it

00:57:35.080 but what was it like so after you kind of shared that you had a family you kind of had or that your

00:57:38.920 family was growing right and sometimes you know i know you had said like and it's not always

00:57:43.500 everybody you want to keep certain things that it's just your own life right yeah stuff i was

00:57:46.940 i mean i'm private i was always private so once you give it away did it feel different it felt

00:57:51.860 like a weight lifted it did it did and has it been a positive thing or do you or just like

00:57:56.120 yeah has it been like okay does it feel because trying to also protect everything all the time

00:58:01.100 it's also kind of it's a lot of stress that that took a lot it took a lot to keep things to myself

00:58:07.460 and not you know like not let things get out and when i'm out in public with them you know like

00:58:11.800 because everyone has a camera now and everything is that you're always got this like bird like a

00:58:16.000 worry you know because i want to i i won't ever post my kids online like i want to shield them

00:58:20.220 from that but just it was just about protecting them um but people would chill with it and like

00:58:25.240 now that it's out there it's like it feels like i could just freely talk about it feels good yeah

00:58:30.780 it feels good it was like you know i'm glad i did it yeah what was one of the tough experiences that

00:58:36.640 you had with your first child was there like a time that would like you know because like the

00:58:39.920 other day my buddy kevin and his wife they like i think maybe their kid like ate like a thing a

00:58:46.600 little bit of guacamole or something and what happened he's allergic i think his ears like 0.99

00:58:52.760 swolled up or whatever dude that's scary shit and they're like shit he's allergic to like mexican 0.99

00:58:56.700 shit or whatever you know so definitely no you never know but you don't want to run your kid 1.00

00:59:01.260 into the hospital and sound racist like hey i think he's allergic to like mexican yeah well 0.99

00:59:05.600 mexican flavors mexican flavors yeah yeah yeah that's what i meant aguacates though yeah yeah

00:59:09.640 i don't think that anyone would take it as like you know any a slight against any mexican people

00:59:13.780 People are trying to look for an edge all the time.

00:59:15.900 They are, yeah.

00:59:16.440 But I would be sure to specify.

00:59:18.120 Yeah, me too.

00:59:19.380 It's the ingredients.

00:59:21.320 They happen to be all Mexican cuisine, but I don't know what that means.

00:59:24.540 Yeah, they happen to use it best.

00:59:26.340 Yeah.

00:59:27.380 But, yeah, and I think these have been bought from, like, maybe a Latin vendor.

00:59:30.420 It could have been a Puerto Rican guy.

00:59:31.880 Who knows?

00:59:32.380 It could have been, yeah.

00:59:34.660 That's the craziest thing, though.

00:59:35.980 Like, when they get hurt or something like that.

00:59:39.460 So they ran on me, yeah, but they're like, they don't know what's going on.

00:59:42.000 You're like, you know, Max, ears are swollen up.

00:59:43.700 You know, he's allergic to watching La Bombe or whatever.

00:59:46.300 I'm like, I don't think that's a problem.

00:59:48.400 Would you balance?

00:59:48.880 But anyway, yeah.

00:59:50.580 But anyway, what I'm saying is, sorry, what is wrong with me?

00:59:52.960 Why can't I say what I'm saying?

00:59:53.880 What I'm saying is that it threw my buddy for like a, it was crazy.

00:59:58.100 You know, I saw him like, it was like, he was so freaked out.

01:00:01.580 Dude, I, I, sometimes they'll fall, like hit their mouth and start bleeding or something.

01:00:05.420 You see, when you see blood on your kid, it's like, and you have to be like so chill.

01:00:09.860 You have to dictate the tone so they don't, you know.

01:00:12.380 Is that true?

01:00:13.700 Yeah, I mean, that's the best way to do it,

01:00:15.120 to keep them even-tempered.

01:00:16.600 They're going to reflect your energy,

01:00:18.460 and they're going to react the way you teach them

01:00:21.040 to react to something.

01:00:22.320 So you always got to try and play it even-keeled

01:00:24.640 and not make a big thing of stuff like that

01:00:26.700 so that they're able to handle situations themselves better.

01:00:29.860 But it is nuts, dude.

01:00:31.280 One time I was trying to cut my son's nails.

01:00:34.400 You got to clip that.

01:00:36.640 Kids, they don't stay still.

01:00:38.480 And dude, I clipped a little piece of the end of his finger.

01:00:42.300 And he started just bleeding everywhere

01:00:45.740 Dude, I almost

01:00:47.080 I didn't know what I was going to do with myself after that

01:00:49.300 I was like so

01:00:50.800 And then one time

01:00:52.300 It's like what Van Gogh did to his brother

01:00:53.740 He did?

01:00:54.880 Yeah

01:00:55.100 I think he might have cut his ear off or something

01:00:57.700 Never mind 0.79

01:00:58.040 No, Van Gogh cut his own ear off

01:01:00.080 But I didn't know he clipped anything on his brother

01:01:01.660 So maybe everyone in the family was missing something

01:01:04.260 Yeah

01:01:04.620 Dude, did you know Pablo Picasso died like a couple of years ago?

01:01:10.620 You see that clip?

01:01:12.300 Yeah, I did.

01:01:13.160 One of our friends told him.

01:01:14.400 Was it List?

01:01:14.780 Gary Vi...

01:01:15.580 Oh, Veeder was with me this week.

01:01:17.820 It was?

01:01:18.380 Oh, it was Veeder?

01:01:19.440 Okay, I was talking with him.

01:01:20.860 He's the one who told me,

01:01:21.660 yeah, we were talking in the car, actually.

01:01:23.440 And he's like, dude...

01:01:24.680 Bring it up.

01:01:25.780 Let's bring that clip up.

01:01:26.620 I mean, it was 50 years ago.

01:01:28.260 But like, I thought Picasso was like from the 18th.

01:01:30.600 And he told me, we're in the car.

01:01:31.860 He's like, do you know this?

01:01:32.860 And I was like, no.

01:01:33.400 He's like, dude, he was like alive when we were born.

01:01:37.760 Yeah, I think one of the part of it is,

01:01:39.300 Did you know that Picasso probably ate at Outback Steakhouse?

01:01:42.460 You're like, that's insane.

01:01:44.200 Right, right.

01:01:44.780 I never put that together.

01:01:46.280 Yeah, yeah.

01:01:47.040 Oh, yeah, so Joe List.

01:01:48.220 Sorry, sorry, my bad.

01:01:50.480 You guys know this.

01:01:51.820 Pablo Picasso, you know when he died?

01:01:53.540 He died in 1973.

01:01:56.600 Did you know that?

01:01:57.500 I thought he died in 1380. 1.00

01:02:00.860 I almost shit. 1.00

01:02:02.940 1973? 1.00

01:02:04.240 Picasso had a car.

01:02:07.620 Is that unbelievable?

01:02:09.300 Pablo Picasso was driving around Spain in like a Honda Civic listening to Black Sabbath on the radio.

01:02:15.920 That's crazy.

01:02:17.780 Ozzy Osbourne and Pablo Picasso were working at the same time.

01:02:24.200 He saw six Super Bowls.

01:02:29.160 I thought he looked like a black star.

01:02:31.620 Oh, List is the best.

01:02:32.960 That's good.

01:02:33.780 Yeah, dude, he's so great.

01:02:34.880 He was in a great movie that Louis made, too, man.

01:02:36.940 Yes.

01:02:37.560 Shout out to a list.

01:02:38.200 That movie was great.

01:02:39.120 they did a good job such talented guys um that was a great bit i got i got i got something so

01:02:45.420 i i want to try and find these people maybe this can you know saying that here can help me all

01:02:50.120 right i got this i got a story for you yeah i thought so this uh last night we talked about

01:02:55.140 this last night just came out and it was a story that i forgot about and i'm like i'll talk to

01:02:59.860 about it maybe i could get so uh in 1995 i was at the salvation army with my buddy joe and we

01:03:07.740 found a vhs cassette right and it was like a home a home one not like a movie like you buy like a

01:03:13.000 you know a home like a blank okay i had a label on it and uh it said uh amy and stew shankman's

01:03:22.980 wedding oh and it was i'm gonna maybe get the exact date wrong but let's say it said like

01:03:29.340 november 25th 1995 it said i'm sorry it said november 25th uh 1985 okay right it said stew

01:03:37.460 and amy shankman's wedding november 25th 1985 that day that we picked it up was november 25th

01:03:45.460 1995 so i found this blank cassette of this people's wedding on their 10-year anniversary

01:03:50.840 now back then you got if you had your wedding taped on vhs that's where it was that's it like

01:03:56.900 that was the copy yeah and this was handwritten so it's like i think they accidentally got rid of

01:04:03.340 like they don't have their wedding video you know right so amy and stew shankman do not have their

01:04:06.860 wedding video right and i and we picked it up on the exact we were like holy shit 50 cents we

01:04:12.540 bought it we went home and watched their whole wedding right it's amazing it's it's a wedding

01:04:17.800 from 1985 it's a it's a it's a jewish wedding from 1985 the best man this little little short

01:04:23.600 guy yarmulke he does a he does his in his best man speech he raps yeah i swear to god and i i'll

01:04:29.340 know i mean i've at this point i've watched it was it beastie boys dozens of times no he raps

01:04:33.840 his own rap oh and now this is the part this i'll never i know because i watched it he's like

01:04:39.580 he's jumping up and down and he's like ha ha ha ha ha ha we're gonna party tonight we're gonna

01:04:46.380 jump up and down it's never gonna end this was the rap so it's an amazing wedding i swear to god

01:04:52.500 it's an amazing wedding and uh and i watch it over the years i've had people over we put it on

01:04:58.880 I watch it, this, this, and that.

01:05:00.320 About maybe five years after that, I met my friend Joe.

01:05:03.840 We're in a gas station.

01:05:04.820 He's getting gas in his car.

01:05:06.200 And he's like, Sal.

01:05:07.480 And I'm like, what?

01:05:07.920 He goes, look at that car right there.

01:05:09.660 And there's a car that's like pulling out of the gas station.

01:05:12.820 He's like, look, look, look in the car.

01:05:14.040 Who do you think that is? 0.99

01:05:14.600 And I look and I go, is that fucking Stu Shankman? 1.00

01:05:16.980 No way. 0.99

01:05:17.260 I don't know this guy from a hole in the wall.

01:05:18.400 Right.

01:05:18.640 He's like, I think it's Stu Shankman. 1.00

01:05:20.180 So I'm like, oh, shit. 0.99

01:05:21.120 And he's pulled out. 0.99

01:05:22.000 And my friend had to finish paying the gas.

01:05:23.660 And we jumped in the car, peeled out, and tried to follow him.

01:05:26.080 And we lost them

01:05:27.360 So fast forward

01:05:30.600 I hate losing people

01:05:31.400 Especially in a chase

01:05:33.100 So then

01:05:35.240 I never gave

01:05:37.400 I have this wedding video

01:05:39.300 I still have it

01:05:40.740 You have a piece of their life

01:05:41.880 One of the greatest moments of their life

01:05:43.680 So about two years ago

01:05:47.140 I'm like we gotta find these people

01:05:49.060 Searching for Stu Shankman

01:05:50.120 And we gotta see

01:05:52.080 I gotta get them this video

01:05:53.840 so my friend found his brother or something on facebook and confirmed like we were like who knows

01:06:01.720 if they're dead if they're still together what's going on so he reached out he said that he told

01:06:05.700 him we got at a thrift store we found their wedding video in 1995 like i've had i've had

01:06:11.620 their wedding video for 31 years oh i haven't for 31 years i've had their wedding video they've been

01:06:18.260 married this will be their 41st anniversary this year their brother's like they're still alive and

01:06:23.360 together i swear to god he's like this is insane you gotta like yes so i'll let's broker this yeah

01:06:28.960 so but so i i had the idea a couple years ago when i was developing a tv show and so this was an idea

01:06:35.840 for one episode of this tv show where i like do things like this and so that's when we decide to

01:06:41.100 reach out anyway i didn't finish developing the show and i kind of forgot about him and i thought

01:06:46.680 of it last night and i brought it up and i was like oh shit in this brother's eyes we contacted

01:06:50.700 him we're like yo we have their wedding video and we want to get it to you and then we went radio 0.83

01:06:55.400 silent again he's like why do these people do this you know to me and my family so i'm like

01:07:00.200 i gotta i gotta remember i gotta i gotta find them and i want to get in the video so i feel like if

01:07:04.760 if if anyone knows i think they they were originally from staten island they and so stew

01:07:10.800 and amy shankman and i have your wedding video for the last 31 years and i want to give it to

01:07:17.700 you i did digitize a copy of it for myself yeah because i when i thought i was gonna give it back

01:07:22.740 i was like i i won't share it with anyone but i i know it's it's also a piece of me now it's

01:07:27.380 find us fee yeah yeah exactly you know so i have it so so yeah we gotta find you gotta search him

01:07:32.820 for the shankmans dude because there's something special about that i know i i used to know a guy

01:07:37.680 named alex shankman um i knew a couple shankman oh i know a shankman too actually there was an

01:07:43.720 agent I knew. I actually know

01:07:45.620 a Shankman. I don't think

01:07:47.760 they're related, but I know, you just

01:07:49.560 remind me, I think he's like a choreographer.

01:07:53.100 Yeah, there's

01:07:53.440 a lot of Shankman's out there. Is there

01:07:55.540 a famous Shankman choreographer?

01:07:57.680 Especially in Hollywood.

01:07:59.860 Adam Shankman.

01:08:01.720 Adam Shankman. I didn't know Adam.

01:08:03.840 I just realized for the first time I know a Shankman.

01:08:06.140 A Shankman. Yeah.

01:08:07.460 Hey, you know a Shankman? I know a Shankman.

01:08:09.280 Yeah. Dude, that's wild.

01:08:11.440 I hope I find him. Well,

01:08:13.100 i hope that you find him also stew and amy the guy's been holding your love and you know the

01:08:18.820 guy's been watching you one of the greatest moments of your life in his spare time on the

01:08:24.440 l train or whatever so right yeah dude do you think there's really something could be a cool 0.95

01:08:30.220 show out there to make or create people say this shit all the time but um of like something about 0.89

01:08:37.140 finding old things on vhs and then yeah like found footage yeah dude i worked with this one comedian 0.96

01:08:42.740 there had been like one of those nigerian scams that had happened to his grandmother and they'd

01:08:46.560 taken a lot of her money right you know those things that email you yeah like i'm trapped in

01:08:50.180 a petting zoo in nigeria or something they won't let me out or whatever send the money so to get

01:08:56.300 him back he started doing these things where he would send them videos of things and he said if

01:09:02.780 you do i need you to do reenactments of this and then i'll pay you for it but instead he would just

01:09:08.000 have them do the reenactment and then he would just post the video online right no but the best

01:09:12.580 part was what he would send him was he would send him scenes from Seinfeld right so he would send

01:09:16.880 like scenes from Seinfeld to like some people in Africa like in just a random village and they

01:09:21.740 would reenact the scenes no yeah and he had all these amazing you gotta be kidding me he had all

01:09:26.380 these amazing video clips dude oh my god of an African village reenacting like master of my

01:09:32.700 domain yes or the parking one like they had all these different ones that he was reenacting it

01:09:38.140 was pretty great dude and so eventually it healed him he's like okay at a certain point we're kind

01:09:42.200 eve and you know but dude that because comedians can hold some grudges over the years but yeah

01:09:48.140 i've always been a little bit of a collector you find something you save and you're like

01:09:51.460 maybe i'm supposed to you told me one time i don't know if you remember this you told me one

01:09:54.480 time i in hindsight now i realized you were probably joking but you were like yeah i have 0.92

01:09:58.800 a marble notebook with the name of every person i've ever slept with in it oh damn really yeah

01:10:05.200 and i'm like get out of here he's like yeah i and you i'm like yeah a marble notebook you said 0.79

01:10:10.780 you had a notebook i remember in my head i projected it was like a mead like a school

01:10:16.300 notebook you're like yeah and i've written it down my whole life and i'm like you gotta be 0.80

01:10:21.020 fucking kidding me and you're like no i know i know the exact number of people i've slept with 0.94

01:10:25.320 really yeah yeah so you were fucking with me i'm sure but i would i was always kind of a 0.98

01:10:29.800 documenter of things the number and i i remember the number you said i do yeah because it's really 0.87

01:10:36.360 funny okay it's really funny i this is the only part i can't believe that i would say something

01:10:40.860 like this but i want to hear it you want to know what you told me i said you said i have every

01:10:45.560 single name i never missed the name and i was like you know the exact number you said yeah i'm

01:10:49.780 like how many he said about a thousand fifty really yeah and then you're like i'm not good

01:10:55.400 at it but it was a thousand fifty which is like and i was hysterical laughing that's insane i was

01:11:00.500 like no one i mean it's like will chamberlain yeah yeah yeah that's insane dude yeah i don't

01:11:05.540 even know it was me but i i believe that i could have said this you told me oh i did good yeah 0.67

01:11:11.260 good oh shit i'm glad that at least i was you don't have a i mean your real number is not 0.93

01:11:16.240 anywhere close to that that's crazy oh that's insane oh dude yeah i mean yeah i've always like 0.97

01:11:21.440 a thousand fifty is but it's the perfect theory it's really the perfect number to say dude because

01:11:26.340 it's like to go over a thousand yeah it's great yeah it's a thousand and eight yeah yeah dude i

01:11:34.060 remember when i was growing up they had this kid his brother had slept with like 12 women or

01:11:38.060 something people were fucking losing their minds in our town yeah because we're cutting down trees 1.00

01:11:42.280 and fucking tickling people they shouldn't touch and shit like that shit like that will affect you 0.99

01:11:46.460 oh dude when you know when you when you have like a when you're when you're of an age where no one's 1.00

01:11:51.360 got that kind of number yet or maybe everyone's a virgin oh yeah one kid's like i've slept with

01:11:55.280 12 people you're just like i gotta i gotta know all about here we go yeah yeah yeah well yeah i'm

01:12:00.440 just yeah there's nothing yeah then my life is means nothing you know i'm working at baskin

01:12:05.380 robbins or whatever and some guys slept with 12 people 12 people should be in hades right yeah 0.99

01:12:12.660 yeah that shit was hectic dude dude i was the worst at sex let me see let's look at uh 0.99

01:12:18.980 high activity lifestyle for a person averaging one new partner per week it would take approximately 0.99

01:12:24.080 20 years to reach at the house of 50 partners so yeah i lied 0.98

01:12:27.920 dude there was some years where i wouldn't even get involved in any sex i was so fucking bad at it 0.98

01:12:37.740 you you you were bad at it so you've come a long way i've come a long way dude yeah yeah i think 0.98

01:12:44.000 well for one are you a generous lover yeah no no okay i'm not dude i'm like that for me this

01:12:50.480 i realized this the other day i'm in like this i'm in recovery meeting for everything so i was 0.77

01:12:54.720 one the other day and people talk about this kind of stuff a lot and like animacy disorders shit

01:12:59.420 like that right like i'm out here i'm basically like uh i'm like a crash test dummy that's what

01:13:04.740 i realized like other people are like living a life and i am basically a crash test dummy out

01:13:09.360 here why do you feel that way just because it's like i feel like i'm never going to figure out

01:13:13.060 some of these parts and i'm just going to be almost this like experiment that kind of happens

01:13:17.220 you know and like um i realized i thought of loving it was like a uh it felt like a alter

01:13:24.160 it's like an altercation you get in it has the same energy of like a like a session like a

01:13:30.360 intimate session yeah intimate session has like a sexual session has like a little bit of a battle

01:13:35.020 yeah it's a fight not like physically like it's a fight but just like the same amount of nervous

01:13:39.360 energy that's in a fight sure sure sure that's the energy that i take into like a sexual

01:13:43.820 so like if you if you see me if we're working up and i just keep kind of ducking or dodging

01:13:51.420 Or if I duck off into the corner and have some guy I barely know rub Neosporin on my cheeks or whatever

01:13:56.660 And put a thing of ice on the back of my neck or whatever

01:13:59.980 You have a corner, man

01:14:01.240 Yeah, just know I'm doing the best that I can

01:14:04.640 Just plugging your nose up

01:14:06.780 Yeah, yeah, yeah 0.99

01:14:07.660 Dude, if some guy is fucking putting a cotton swab on my nose 1.00

01:14:12.720 But dude, yeah, I just, I always, I had so much nervous energy around women, bro 0.98

01:14:17.700 Yeah 0.98

01:14:18.100 So that was crazy, dude

01:14:20.200 I love when they do, like, in a UFC fight or, like, a boxing match or whatever, when they cut to the corner, right?

01:14:25.360 And it's like, you know, you hear everything that the corner guys say and the trainers say.

01:14:31.680 It's always, like, wildly inappropriate. 1.00

01:14:33.540 Like, fuck this motherfucker, bro. 1.00

01:14:35.520 You're going to fuck him up, man, this cunt. 1.00

01:14:37.720 And then he's like, you stick him up. 1.00

01:14:39.460 And then you're, like, home watching a fight where you're somewhere. 1.00

01:14:41.980 And it's like, you just don't expect to hear, like, this guy's a motherfucking bitch, bro. 1.00

01:14:45.840 Yeah, you know his mother passed away two months ago, huh? 1.00

01:14:48.600 I'm almost like, oh, shit. 1.00

01:14:49.640 Yeah, like, yeah, you're learning shit. 1.00

01:14:51.340 You're like, damn, you know, his cousin has asthma, 1.00

01:14:53.500 hit this little pussy. 1.00

01:14:54.680 Yeah, they said, he'll be like, don't be a fucking pussy. 1.00

01:14:56.980 I'm like, whoa. 1.00

01:14:58.300 I know.

01:14:59.120 It's real in the corner.

01:14:59.800 It gets real.

01:15:00.500 But it truly just sounds like,

01:15:01.460 that's what makes anybody think they could be a corner,

01:15:03.340 also some of those behaviors.

01:15:04.880 Yeah, yeah, I can see that.

01:15:06.320 Because, yeah, it doesn't feel like there's a lot of real instruction

01:15:08.440 coming over there.

01:15:09.220 So, yeah, sometimes you hear someone give really good pointers,

01:15:11.460 and then you go to the other corner, and they're just like,

01:15:13.680 all right, bro.

01:15:14.560 And you're like, what is this guy doing?

01:15:15.820 Yeah, they're saying nothing.

01:15:16.600 They're saying nothing to the guy.

01:15:17.680 I know.

01:15:18.280 Yeah.

01:15:18.760 That is pretty wild, dude.

01:15:21.280 But yes, 1.00

01:15:22.220 some of that shit, 0.99

01:15:23.920 I was like, 1.00

01:15:24.560 you know those fainting goats, 1.00

01:15:25.960 shit gets going too much 1.00

01:15:26.920 and they just faint? 1.00

01:15:27.420 Yeah, they just go over, yeah.

01:15:28.280 That's me.

01:15:28.880 Yeah, you hit like a thing.

01:15:30.180 Oh, yeah.

01:15:30.620 I hit like about 30 volts

01:15:32.080 or whatever.

01:15:32.640 You get stiff.

01:15:32.940 Yeah, yeah, bro.

01:15:33.400 It's like,

01:15:33.660 I hit about.

01:15:37.600 Yo, what sound does a goat make?

01:15:40.560 Let me try it.

01:15:42.560 They ain't even have the sheep though?

01:15:43.780 does a goat and a sheep make the same noise i think goats are more curious so i think it's more

01:15:50.940 like no let me try it really no that's more like a but what does the sheep do then

01:16:01.380 so it's the same thing no sheep that goats sheep's bad oh yeah sheep's bad

01:16:08.220 But then a goat is bad.

01:16:11.580 Am I crazy?

01:16:13.800 I don't know this.

01:16:15.680 I don't know the difference.

01:16:17.640 Is it sheep?

01:16:18.240 Sheep's not a goat. 1.00

01:16:19.460 A gay goat's just like, bad girl. 1.00

01:16:23.360 That stupid street joke, what does a gay horse eat? 1.00

01:16:26.960 Hey. 1.00

01:16:28.500 It's so stupid. 1.00

01:16:29.560 Dude, some jokes like that that were the best, bro. 1.00

01:16:34.340 Getting to laugh is the best, man.

01:16:36.660 That's the best thing, bro.

01:16:38.220 Getting to laugh.

01:16:38.920 The fact, one thing I will say, bro, about certain moments of life,

01:16:43.200 like, I've just been grateful that God has put me around people

01:16:45.980 that just make me laugh.

01:16:49.500 Yeah, we are friends of the funniest people in the world.

01:16:51.360 It's crazy.

01:16:51.860 It's crazy.

01:16:52.380 It really is.

01:16:53.300 Yo, I struggle on stage.

01:16:55.180 I always, sometimes I think about this.

01:16:56.240 Like, I'm really in the moment on stage when I'm on stage.

01:16:59.280 And I like to laugh.

01:17:00.520 And so, like, I laugh, you know, throughout my set a lot.

01:17:03.760 And then sometimes I'm like, like, I don't think of it.

01:17:06.900 It's just me being me.

01:17:07.760 but like then a lot of times i'm like i don't want to laugh like i don't want to be like i'm

01:17:10.840 laughing at my own stuff but i really am in the moment having a good time but i'm like i don't

01:17:14.500 want that to come across as a crutch so sometimes i'll be like all right today consciously when you

01:17:18.980 do like this hour do not laugh do not laugh and just see how it plays like don't laugh just like

01:17:24.040 kind of keep you know yeah and and see how it plays differently with with you know like do you

01:17:28.360 do you like are you in the moment when you're on stage you laugh at your own will you laugh and

01:17:32.140 like just have fun in the moment are you like kind of like keep it like this persona of like

01:17:36.180 Because when you tell your stories and stuff, you have a certain energy and vibe the way you do it.

01:17:41.820 Yeah.

01:17:42.200 But do you think about that on stage?

01:17:44.900 I do.

01:17:45.580 So you consciously won't laugh, or will you just laugh?

01:17:49.400 I'd like to laugh more.

01:17:51.500 I used to think, especially when I was coming up in comedy, you hear about all these things that are kind of crutches.

01:17:56.220 Some people write their notes and be like, well, that's a crutch.

01:17:58.460 And it's like, well, that's a crutch.

01:17:59.620 Well, also, how about this?

01:18:00.760 Somebody's getting up in front of you and trying to make a room full of people laugh.

01:18:06.020 i don't care if they're on crutches eight crutches i don't care if they're i don't care if there's

01:18:10.440 one person in two wheelchairs right let them if there's things that help them i think it to me i

01:18:16.160 think it's okay yeah well i don't want to do i'm not doing it as a crisis what i'm saying is like

01:18:20.380 i naturally laugh yeah and so i have to fight my natural instinct don't ever fight your laugh

01:18:25.260 your laugh is your laugh is one that warms people it's like it's extra you you know and so that i

01:18:31.240 think is a gift and i think some of these people they've gotten to know some of us in our lives

01:18:35.520 and they may feel happy that we're in a room laughing, you know?

01:18:39.520 Just like they are, you know?

01:18:41.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:18:41.480 Dude, the crazy thing is-

01:18:42.240 I'm having a good time.

01:18:42.760 Yeah, you're having a good time.

01:18:43.760 I say laugh, dude.

01:18:44.820 I notice if, and I'll even be conscious of it sometimes,

01:18:47.100 like, oh, this set's not going that great in the beginning.

01:18:49.740 And sometimes I'll be like, dude, it's because you're not having fun.

01:18:51.980 Yes, dude.

01:18:52.620 So let myself have fun.

01:18:53.720 That should translate, yes.

01:18:54.480 And let me be the person that's saying the jokes.

01:18:56.800 Really, sometimes I'll try to almost transpose myself

01:19:00.000 and pretend like I'm just sitting there laughing at the jokes.

01:19:03.300 Right, right, right.

01:19:03.940 And then just almost like, I don't know, because the person I always wanted, I wanted to be the person sitting there laughing. 0.98

01:19:11.040 But to me, I've always had like, you know, sometimes there's like a chip on my shit or some type of shit growing up, this, that, that, you know? 0.98

01:19:18.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

01:19:18.820 And so I was always like, you know, or being judgmental, whatever.

01:19:22.560 So you end up on the other end of the thing.

01:19:24.700 I'm going to be the guy who's being a part of making the laughter.

01:19:26.980 But either way, I'm happy to be involved in the laughter.

01:19:28.920 And I think it's okay if you laugh with a crutch.

01:19:30.940 Some people say it's crutch. 0.78

01:19:31.900 i don't i find it especially as i get older fuck if i get a chance to laugh yeah but i think that's 0.97

01:19:36.980 that's what i'm saying sorry that was a lot of shit to say no i think just making the distinction 0.96

01:19:41.120 of like i'm on stage having a good time like not with intent like some people will laugh 1050 is 0.95

01:19:46.900 crazy it's crazy yeah that's a crazy thing to say i thought about it ever since you told me did you

01:19:51.700 really have to have i i retain the knowledge bro you know how scary it would be if one woman came 0.93

01:19:57.880 over to my house every week to hook up that would fucking make me it sounded crazy to me when you 1.00

01:20:02.780 said it bro if i knew that every week some gal was coming over for sex dude i would fucking have 0.99

01:20:07.520 to keep moving it's off-putting yes you're like oh my too much it's too much the schedule's too 0.99

01:20:12.780 insane too much man yeah that's a lot hanging over your head man every week oh i get anxiety

01:20:19.100 thinking about that and hearing them peel off and disappointment too hearing the gravel they

01:20:24.440 they leave in a hurry yeah and you don't even have gravel they're so pissed they went and bought

01:20:28.540 gravel and put it under their tires i love that every time someone leaves your house they have 0.99

01:20:32.240 the sex they peel out of here yeah dude bro my fucking uncle he was supposed to get gravel and 0.99

01:20:36.560 he actually got a bunch of like fish uh whatever that stuff that goes to the bottom of the pellets 0.99

01:20:40.580 yeah fish cake fish fish food yeah and i was like the fish koi yeah not shit that goes in a uh fish 0.98

01:20:46.740 oh the fish gravel fish tank gravel yeah he got fish tank gravel dude and his wife was so pissed 0.98

01:20:51.940 but it was irreturnable bro and dude they fought about that shit but hearing people fight over 1.00

01:20:57.920 yeah and your fucking fish gravel you and your fucking fish gravel james yeah just hearing shit 0.99

01:21:05.080 like hearing terms like that you and your shitty little fish gravel yeah yeah fighting over gravel 1.00

01:21:11.420 yeah just gravel hearing any people fight over gravel just god that's the kind of shit that 0.99

01:21:16.140 keeps me going i have i had a fish uh my niece uh you know when they have like the fair at school 0.93

01:21:21.100 like go festival

01:21:22.340 and they give you

01:21:22.920 those fish that are about to die

01:21:23.820 they give them to children 1.00

01:21:24.440 that's fucked 1.00

01:21:25.340 it's messed up 1.00

01:21:26.060 you throw like a ping pong ball

01:21:27.580 in a cup

01:21:28.140 and then they send the kid home

01:21:29.220 with a bag of fish

01:21:29.860 and like these fish are just dying

01:21:31.100 and so

01:21:32.020 my niece brought home a fish 1.00

01:21:33.480 and I knew this shit was gonna die 1.00

01:21:35.140 cause like I 1.00

01:21:36.040 when I did it

01:21:37.220 when I was a kid

01:21:37.760 I could never keep a fish alive

01:21:38.800 because I didn't have a set up

01:21:39.820 I'd come home

01:21:40.600 put the fish in a bowl

01:21:41.500 and then not really understand

01:21:43.260 it needs a filter

01:21:44.140 and it needs to be aerated

01:21:45.220 and then the fish would eventually die

01:21:46.400 and feed it like bread

01:21:47.320 you know

01:21:48.100 and then it would die

01:21:49.160 one time i brought a fish home and i was like um i don't know if i've ever told this story but like

01:21:55.000 i brought a fish home from school and i i was like i knew that the previous fish had died and i thought

01:22:00.900 it because they didn't have bubbles which which in my head i was like it needs bubbles i didn't

01:22:06.440 think it needed like air right it needs bubbles so i got home my mom wasn't home yet so i put a

01:22:12.360 big salad bowl i put the fish in it and i got a straw and i was gonna tell my mom we have to go

01:22:17.140 to the thing to buy the you know this fish store to buy the stuff so this fish survives but i needed

01:22:21.480 to bridge the gap till she got home so i took a straw and for like three hours i blew into the

01:22:27.220 into the bowl but i was blowing carbon dioxide into the bowl and i killed the fish immediately

01:22:32.120 so the fish died within hours because i was just hitting it with co2 out of my mouth so my niece

01:22:38.860 brought this fish home years later i'm like i'm not gonna let this happen again i went and got

01:22:42.220 the setup and i ended up having this fish for seven years and then um i moved fish came with

01:22:48.240 me and then one day the fish was dead and i out of nowhere though it like died out of nowhere

01:22:53.680 and no reason you know i just cleaned the tank it was a very healthy fish and i think there was

01:23:00.020 foul play i really do think so no way i think someone put like because i tested the uh ph

01:23:05.000 i would do all that shit yeah and then after i cleaned it and then like i had people over and 0.75

01:23:08.960 then i it was dead and then i think it was like someone like poured something in the tank 0.98

01:23:12.540 then i didn't want to flush the fish because i had a 70 relationship with the fish oh yeah and so

01:23:17.820 uh i didn't want to flush so i was going to bury it i might have told this but i was going to bury

01:23:22.500 it but i didn't want to bury in the yard because it's summer and i didn't want to decompose and

01:23:25.820 smell so i wrapped it in tinfoil i put it in my freezer and that was like it's that's come closing

01:23:32.380 in on it's like 15 to 20 years ago and i never got rid of the fish it's still with i have a i

01:23:41.100 have a goldfish a frozen goldfish in my freezer for over 15 years that fish is still in my freezer

01:23:47.300 right now and i moved three times and i took it with me what yes i had to put them in like on ice

01:23:52.400 and moving is hard on everyone it's hard i have the fish oh my god i have a dead fish for over

01:23:58.560 15 years in my freezer right now you know it's in your freezer no exactly where it is in my

01:24:04.240 freezer it's beautiful yeah it is man i took it out on hey babe one time i took it out for the

01:24:10.100 first time i never unwrapped it in all 15 years and we opened it on hey babe and it was it was uh

01:24:15.980 it was it was tough it was a goldfish but like i lost a lot of its gold it was like a pale gold

01:24:23.040 and uh like the eyes were kind of gone oh i guess over time i guess in the freezer

01:24:28.760 god takes the gold back or whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah but what there you are right there

01:24:34.860 that's covid you could tell right yeah very very very rabbinical right there as well dude

01:24:39.700 oh my god bro it definitely has like a michael jackson tent to it that's crazy did you see it

01:24:49.280 yeah i can see just a little bit of it there uh yeah show me that

01:24:52.700 dude you know um oh my god wow yeah the poor fish oh it's cool what was his name i didn't name it

01:25:02.140 and i because that was another thing every fish i had prior i named died so i called him fish for

01:25:06.660 seven years i like that yeah i at least like the fact you took on a new strategy to keep him alive

01:25:11.740 yeah i was trying everything i could and we had seven nice years he used to eat out of my hand

01:25:15.640 Yeah I don't know if it was really because we had a bond

01:25:18.200 I think they would just do that anyway

01:25:19.500 But I like to think it was because we got close

01:25:21.680 And how do you do it you put your hand in there

01:25:23.580 I put my hand right in I like hold the flake

01:25:25.760 And put it in and it would just come out

01:25:27.280 You're lying

01:25:28.460 No no I swear it's really not that big a deal I don't think

01:25:31.620 I think it is it's like a drive through

01:25:33.000 I feel like it's like going to a drive through

01:25:34.460 It felt like a trick it felt like I had a

01:25:36.280 You know how they had a flea circus or something

01:25:39.200 It felt like I had a fish that did tricks

01:25:41.680 Well dude we had the Acro Cats lady 1.00

01:25:43.520 She came on here once 1.00

01:25:44.460 What is that? 0.99

01:25:45.200 This lady, she's been traveling around the country for like 20 years or something. 1.00

01:25:48.380 And she should drive the tour bus that the cats were in. 1.00

01:25:51.660 A tour bus. 0.98

01:25:52.880 No.

01:25:53.420 Yes.

01:25:54.100 That the cats were in.

01:25:56.140 And I'm paraphrasing a little bit here.

01:25:57.980 But one of the toughest shows that she had, one of the tough experiences, she's on the road somewhere.

01:26:02.060 Somebody had left the window open, maybe from smoking or a cigarette or something.

01:26:05.460 And Tuna, the lead cat, gets out.

01:26:07.480 No way.

01:26:08.340 Yeah.

01:26:08.740 And she lost the cat?

01:26:10.140 Couldn't find it.

01:26:10.920 No way.

01:26:11.680 And the show must go on.

01:26:12.680 She had like three hours before, so like there's another cat. 0.75

01:26:16.560 Tuna's understudy. 0.83

01:26:17.620 Yeah, tuna's understudy or whatever.

01:26:19.760 I don't even remember.

01:26:20.080 Chicken salad.

01:26:20.960 Yeah, it was just like tilapia or something was the understudy.

01:26:23.760 Yo, that's crazy. 1.00

01:26:24.380 He's got to come in, and he's always, you know, he's Italian. 1.00

01:26:26.960 So he's got to come in doing his tilapia shit, you know? 1.00

01:26:31.100 His big break. 1.00

01:26:32.020 It's like tuna.

01:26:33.180 Yeah, dude.

01:26:34.400 They might have taken tuna out.

01:26:36.600 She thinks tuna got away, but they might have been foul played there.

01:26:39.620 That's crazy too

01:26:41.020 Because Tuna was a star

01:26:42.500 And once he leaves

01:26:43.940 And he goes into

01:26:44.720 The open road like that

01:26:46.020 Everyone he passes

01:26:47.220 Has no idea who he is

01:26:48.760 And that's

01:26:49.140 A star cat amongst you

01:26:51.600 It's almost like a story

01:26:52.400 From the Bible

01:26:52.900 When they didn't know

01:26:53.580 Who Jesus was

01:26:54.280 Yeah

01:26:54.660 You know

01:26:55.200 That's pretty cool dude

01:26:56.420 Yeah

01:26:56.720 Yeah

01:26:57.120 Yeah that is amazing bro

01:26:58.500 Yeah I wonder what his cloud

01:27:00.020 Is like out in the wilderness though

01:27:01.620 And Father Adam was like 0.99

01:27:03.000 Oh shit that's Tuna 0.99

01:27:03.900 That's Tuna 1.00

01:27:05.000 Damn that's Tuna 0.92

01:27:06.200 Working out on the street 1.00

01:27:07.000 Like dang bro

01:27:07.660 Tuna out here bro

01:27:08.840 Tuna out here 0.99

01:27:09.480 Damn he real like that 0.99

01:27:10.760 He in the trenches 1.00

01:27:11.420 Cook 1.00

01:27:11.840 Like damn 0.99

01:27:13.840 Tuna outside 0.99

01:27:15.140 Tuna got out

01:27:16.900 But dude

01:27:17.440 Tuna's not about

01:27:18.240 That life anymore 0.82

01:27:19.000 Tuna's not

01:27:19.620 Yeah bro

01:27:20.160 Tuna chain man

01:27:20.600 What was the last

01:27:21.760 Pet you had

01:27:22.420 You have a pet now

01:27:23.940 No you can't have a pet now

01:27:25.240 No I never

01:27:26.000 You're on the road too much right

01:27:26.880 Yeah I've never

01:27:27.720 I plan to get a dog

01:27:29.120 Yeah

01:27:29.520 And this has been

01:27:30.620 A slow feeling for me

01:27:31.640 But I plan to get a dog

01:27:32.600 And maybe a cat 0.99

01:27:33.540 If I can get a wife

01:27:35.120 And not if

01:27:36.180 One day I'll get a wife

01:27:37.180 And I'm gonna have

01:27:38.180 a family but i would like to get a dog and cat and it doesn't all have to happen together or

01:27:41.660 whatever yeah but i think if if i don't get married or something maybe i'll get a dog and

01:27:45.540 cat and maybe something else i wouldn't mind getting a couple horses probably wow you ride

01:27:49.780 horses i wouldn't ride them but i would go over by them yeah you go next to them talk to them

01:27:55.400 yeah it'd be like that brush them clean them let me ask you a question if i see a horse

01:27:59.920 that's not in the wild it's got on horseshoes every horse in captivity has on horseshoes

01:28:07.860 that's a good question or is it just like parade horses and horses that are like going out on the

01:28:12.960 town or whatever i'm not sure look it up that's a great question this guy i know mr mike is a

01:28:18.060 farrier and what is a farrier a farrier is the guy that comes in and puts the shoes on the horses

01:28:21.960 oh really yeah that's called a farrier trims the toenails and everything i got stuck on farrier

01:28:26.360 talk for a while and dude half my feed was farriers no way yeah oh i didn't know that's

01:28:30.620 what they were called i thought they were like cobblers or something no no no i think cobblers

01:28:34.800 is for shooing humans and fair use is for shooing.

01:28:37.180 I don't know if it's just for animals.

01:28:38.680 No, not all horses need shoes.

01:28:40.700 Whether a horse requires shoes depends on

01:28:42.600 factors like workload, hoof

01:28:44.460 health, genetics, and terrain.

01:28:47.420 I can see how hoof health

01:28:48.720 would be a factor.

01:28:50.220 You got a pair of weak hooves. You need protection.

01:28:52.860 Oh, dude. If my feet are real tender,

01:28:54.940 I want them bitches on. 1.00

01:28:56.220 Also, you want that clippity-clop. 1.00

01:28:58.980 I don't know if you get a clippity-clop

01:29:01.000 without the shoe.

01:29:02.680 Dude, you telling me a kind of thick, 0.97

01:29:04.240 they're like tap dancing a thick horse from atlanta ain't fucking pulling up with that 0.99

01:29:08.300 clippity-clop yeah type shit yeah yeah what about those really what are the coca-cola horses like 0.99

01:29:15.420 at christmas clidesdale clidesdale's yeah that's a that that's the that's a clippity-clop right 0.97

01:29:20.920 there that horse you're like dude when that horse shows up bro people some people salute it i would

01:29:26.940 salute it you're like yeah that's in that's interesting to have that between man and you

01:29:31.060 Do you have confidence in your salute?

01:29:32.900 Yeah.

01:29:33.240 I did a show for the Naval Academy recently,

01:29:36.680 and they asked me to take a picture of the man's salute.

01:29:39.600 And you see salutes in, like, movies and really in life,

01:29:43.260 but, like, I feel like there's a way they do it that, like,

01:29:46.880 it looks like you just do this, but I don't know if this is right.

01:29:49.420 Like, some of them do that.

01:29:50.820 Or, like, is there a proper way to salute?

01:29:54.080 Like, are we saluting the right way right now?

01:29:55.640 Or is it, like, I got nervous because I was, like,

01:29:57.420 I don't want to insult these people and salute the wrong way.

01:29:59.420 Like, do you tuck your finger in?

01:30:01.060 Like everyone said, what are you doing with the salute? 0.96

01:30:03.720 That's a good question.

01:30:05.080 And they do it like, you know when some of those guys are like, whoosh, like it's like

01:30:08.000 super like locked in. 1.00

01:30:09.720 The Koreans do that. 1.00

01:30:10.700 Really like, you know, they do? 1.00

01:30:12.220 Yeah.

01:30:12.420 Position of attention.

01:30:13.420 So my hands are to my side.

01:30:15.100 Arms are straight down.

01:30:16.300 When I raise my hand to salute, it's going to be flat.

01:30:18.860 Hands not, like thumbs not tucked underneath my hand, like kind of stuff.

01:30:21.840 So we're raising it up.

01:30:23.400 And then because I'm wearing headgear, my index finger is going to come to the edge

01:30:26.020 of my headgear.

01:30:27.120 Arms at a 45 degree angle.

01:30:28.540 hands slightly canned down not facing up not facing down just like this i get my greeting

01:30:33.300 and i drop my salute now that is how it's like for wearing headgear if i was wearing something

01:30:38.280 like maybe no headgear or maybe the beret but because i have glasses then has to come to the

01:30:41.660 edge of my glasses if i was wearing the beret or maybe even no headgear and i also don't wear

01:30:45.740 glasses then it comes to the edge of my eyebrows so it depends if you're wearing braces if you're

01:30:49.860 you know if you're he's like if you have a scrunchie in or whatever

01:30:53.840 If the scrunchie one's the best

01:30:56.960 Because you put it in the bag

01:30:57.920 You're like hey

01:30:58.900 Yeah

01:31:00.280 I've always been self conscious

01:31:04.920 About my salute

01:31:05.720 You ever ride a horse bareback

01:31:08.900 That's probably fun

01:31:11.260 That takes skill right there

01:31:12.860 Somebody got a horse

01:31:14.820 Somehow by us one time 1.00

01:31:16.220 And we got on that bitch 1.00

01:31:17.500 And we did pretty good 1.00

01:31:19.420 We didn't do good

01:31:20.260 Bareback though

01:31:21.920 yeah bareback we tried to get a saddle or something somebody put like a thing like

01:31:25.620 nobody had a saddle we shouldn't have this horse they had a corner like a um fair that was near us

01:31:30.480 and i think when it kind of gotten away from the fair somebody brought it down there yeah

01:31:33.520 being down there drinking with like the car the carnies and stuff the night before and so

01:31:37.460 um they kept it by this dude mr ernie's house and we went over there and we were all getting 0.78

01:31:42.080 on and shit it was pretty friendly when i think in hindsight it could have been really dangerous 0.58

01:31:45.580 i almost died on a horse you did yeah on a class trip in like eighth grade they put me on a horse 0.99

01:31:50.860 that started like full rodeoing.

01:31:52.840 Who put you on a horse?

01:31:53.980 The dude ranch that we went to for the trip.

01:31:57.460 They put me on a horse and this horse,

01:31:59.180 I'm in eighth, seventh, eighth grade.

01:32:01.220 I have no horse experience whatsoever.

01:32:03.480 I get on the horse, the horse is bucking,

01:32:05.480 jumping up and down, kicking and bucking.

01:32:07.260 And I'm looking around, like everyone's there.

01:32:10.340 All the other students are on horses

01:32:12.240 that are just sitting, like just chilling.

01:32:14.480 And then the cowboys are there

01:32:16.260 and they didn't even react quickly.

01:32:19.060 like they were like I was like looking at them and they were looking at me I would basically like 0.99

01:32:23.720 when the rodeo thing opens and the horse is like oh yeah that's what this fucking horse was doing 1.00

01:32:28.040 a lot of horses don't but they don't prefer Italians I'll say that yeah it's you know 0.98

01:32:31.420 whatever no judgment a lot of a lot of children don't are allergic to Mexican stuff yeah but

01:32:35.640 but uh I I remember it wasn't like you know like the rodeo rodeo but it was enough for like an

01:32:43.880 eighth grader to be terrified and I'm like looking at these guys like is anyone gonna step in at all

01:32:48.200 and the guy was just like and i remember being like help i finally just said help and then the

01:32:52.660 guy was like all right just calm down i'm like this is how you treat a 12 year old you can tell

01:32:56.780 me to calm down i'm just i'm gonna be thrown from this horse like and then they got uh they got me

01:33:01.900 off that horse and they gave me the most senior citizen horse they have like the back was like

01:33:07.040 slumped inward yeah and then my horse i got on that horse the horse walked up to a tree

01:33:11.240 and started eating the leaves and then wouldn't didn't leave and like everyone went on the trail

01:33:16.160 and that horse wouldn't leave the tree and just ate the yeah i just stood there on the horse like

01:33:20.400 yours was like rosemary or something yours it was like it was like yeah glue stick yours had a brooch

01:33:25.400 on yeah but i would never get on a horse bare dang dude that's wild bro yeah horses i think

01:33:33.180 they're probably the most they're the best animal that we have until we come out with a new animal

01:33:38.020 like until they catch a dragon or make something um yeah and and we did have a neighbor my friend

01:33:45.300 william had a fish and i remember and when it it died and they went and buried it at the long john

01:33:50.600 silvers and like the flower bed outside of there i remember well that's an interesting show that

01:33:56.720 restaurant yeah of course but it's a seafood restaurant yeah yeah so i mean like it's a

01:34:01.900 little bit like it was like the closest thing i think people thought like yeah it was nice that

01:34:07.100 they had the flower bed yeah like bringing back with this community like just outside of the

01:34:10.400 parking medians they had a little bit of like uh yeah kind of semi-designed foliage right there

01:34:14.500 Yeah, that's always nice.

01:34:16.060 A little extra touch.

01:34:17.260 But I remember his dad took us over there and we put it there

01:34:20.060 and did like a prayer or something.

01:34:21.220 I think we might have saluted too.

01:34:22.680 Yeah, salute that fish.

01:34:24.340 We don't even know.

01:34:25.900 Dude, yeah, you had to salute that thing. 1.00

01:34:28.240 Shout out LJS, bro.

01:34:29.680 I feel like horses are on a lot of romance novel covers.

01:34:34.260 Like bareback horse riding is exotic, I feel like.

01:34:38.020 It's also mythological.

01:34:39.540 I think the things that will happen to your body.

01:34:42.180 you want to talk about checking yourself for testicular cancer but like a like a like a nude

01:34:47.320 woman on a horse bareback that's very exotic right yeah because i think you think of the stallion and 0.68

01:34:53.780 like i'm gonna be the stallion i'm gonna you know i'm gonna sleep with 1050 women you know what i'm 0.90

01:35:00.520 saying it's like yeah yeah i would uh i would i would take notice if a if a woman rode by like 0.99

01:35:08.880 Patopolis on the bare back on a horse 1.00

01:35:11.940 I would probably pay attention 1.00

01:35:13.940 I would probably

01:35:15.040 I would probably follow

01:35:16.980 because it's very interesting

01:35:18.440 I wouldn't just like let that go by

01:35:21.260 I'm going to find out where this is going to end up

01:35:24.180 I'd want to see what would happen

01:35:25.180 dude did you see

01:35:26.240 speaking of mythological things

01:35:29.160 did you see that Artemis space shuttle went to the moon

01:35:31.580 do you think that really happened or not

01:35:32.960 let's take a gander at it

01:35:34.160 I think it happened

01:35:35.120 it's

01:35:36.080 I mean

01:35:37.040 because people are

01:35:37.780 people are very weary now

01:35:38.960 well first let me start

01:35:39.780 do you think the first

01:35:40.860 moon landing happened

01:35:41.760 I do

01:35:42.820 because bring up the shuttle

01:35:44.140 bring up the picture

01:35:44.660 of the shuttle

01:35:45.000 I'm sure you've looked

01:35:45.540 at the shuttle

01:35:45.960 and been like

01:35:46.340 yeah but I also

01:35:47.020 like when you look

01:35:47.680 at these things

01:35:48.180 sometimes I'm like

01:35:48.880 maybe I could be

01:35:49.540 convinced otherwise

01:35:50.200 you know what I mean

01:35:51.420 like it's crazy

01:35:52.380 that we haven't gone

01:35:52.960 we went there now

01:35:54.220 and just

01:35:54.900 didn't we just drive

01:35:55.760 around it

01:35:56.260 we didn't get off

01:35:56.980 right

01:35:57.200 yeah they just went

01:35:58.040 for like a look

01:35:58.740 see or whatever

01:35:59.240 yeah that's wild

01:35:59.980 I would never

01:36:00.880 ever ever

01:36:01.760 no matter what

01:36:02.460 you could do

01:36:03.000 say you could

01:36:03.740 I would never go into space.

01:36:06.600 Never. 0.99

01:36:07.180 Which one of the Jokers do you think would go into space if they had to go?

01:36:10.100 Probably Murr.

01:36:11.800 I don't think he has, I don't think he really.

01:36:14.600 Yeah, just say it. 0.99

01:36:15.280 He's crazy like that. 0.99

01:36:16.540 He's got it. 0.99

01:36:17.100 Yeah, he'd go up there.

01:36:19.260 I wouldn't, but I think that he's always looking for something new.

01:36:24.220 Yeah.

01:36:24.960 Imagine what they must have felt like.

01:36:26.500 I just saw that movie, that new Ryan Gosling movie.

01:36:29.120 It's like he goes into space.

01:36:30.820 well all they do is take beautiful men and put them out in a space dude yeah a lot of these

01:36:35.060 movies it's matt damon it's ryan gosling it's um steven tyler they just take these good-looking

01:36:41.120 guys and they or uh what's his name well well right all right oh yeah mccannay went to space

01:36:46.720 interstellar right that's when you know hollywood's like this guy's good-looking enough

01:36:50.160 we'll take him and show him off to the other planets you know yeah i can't even imagine

01:36:55.020 Try to pick up a new market, you know?

01:36:56.980 Yeah.

01:36:58.260 Go out and do it.

01:36:58.940 I mean, I would be terrified, bro.

01:37:01.480 Yeah, I'd be terrified too, dude, if I went to space in a lifeguard tower from Santa Monica

01:37:08.720 Beach.

01:37:09.460 That's it?

01:37:10.460 Yeah.

01:37:11.080 That looks-

01:37:11.600 Look at it.

01:37:12.200 Can you zoom on it?

01:37:13.140 It looks like a toy, like a transformer or something.

01:37:16.700 Bro.

01:37:17.720 Yeah, that doesn't look like it.

01:37:19.920 I don't have confidence in that.

01:37:21.300 Bro, come on, dude. 0.99

01:37:22.140 That's not even a fucking food truck, bro. 0.99

01:37:25.020 That looks flimsy, bro. 0.99

01:37:26.980 Those little, like, legs and stuff.

01:37:28.860 Like, how do you get up there and be like, man, I would feel, like, the existential threat of the universe on my shoulders.

01:37:36.300 Dude, they didn't even put horseshoes on it, dude.

01:37:38.820 That thing is, man. 0.70

01:37:40.500 Look at the legs of it.

01:37:41.780 Can you imagine being up there alone?

01:37:44.180 See, this is the thing, too.

01:37:45.420 Like, they went up there.

01:37:46.480 They did a couple of loop-de-loops.

01:37:47.940 But then that doesn't necessarily mean, like, coming back is hard.

01:37:51.300 Yeah.

01:37:51.600 It's risky coming back.

01:37:53.180 So, like, you're signing up.

01:37:54.200 I'm sorry.

01:37:55.260 Like, none of those people can say for certainty that they –

01:37:59.220 I wonder what the odds were that they could be – it could go south.

01:38:04.020 Yeah.

01:38:04.340 Like, I bet you it wasn't, like, 99%.

01:38:06.800 Like, I bet you it was, like, all right, it's, like, 70-30.

01:38:09.420 Like, you might explode on the way home.

01:38:10.800 Right.

01:38:11.640 That's crazy, dude.

01:38:13.700 That's a big risk.

01:38:14.300 Do you imagine me coming home and see Earth?

01:38:16.440 And you're, like, all right.

01:38:17.240 Like, and then it goes –

01:38:19.840 Dude, when I was a kid, we watched The Challenger live.

01:38:23.580 No. 0.95

01:38:23.780 at school you know we we all watched it and we watched it live and it fucking blew up and it was 0.96

01:38:28.860 like i the teacher everyone just started crying i was like we were like what we're trying to wrap 0.93

01:38:33.920 our head around that was like third grade trying to wrap my head around the fact that like there

01:38:37.880 was a school teacher in there and they just blew up remember this on live television yeah that's

01:38:42.100 wild there was a pet wasn't there also a puppy in there was there i thought that they sent a puppy

01:38:46.900 in there well i can't believe that we even did this right now to me it just feels like it's like

01:38:51.740 it's funny we can't send help into gaza but we can send the artemis 2 to go circle around the

01:38:56.420 moon like that to me is like what did we what what was the purpose of the mission do you know

01:39:01.540 it's a great question let's look it up it wasn't just like and i'm sorry there was no live animal

01:39:06.520 on the space shuttle challenger during the final flight in 1986 god bless those people in their

01:39:11.100 families yeah i know man can you imagine let's just let's have a moment of that let's can you

01:39:16.960 imagine that like we're sending like because you could you could probably get in like let me be

01:39:22.280 honest with you if they pick some people to go to space right now right yeah and mer gets sick

01:39:27.680 or whatever something happened to him he gets it happened with me i wouldn't even go like out of

01:39:32.060 this little just right above the atmosphere i wouldn't even do that i wouldn't do that katie

01:39:36.500 perry went to space she i don't know i i read yesterday she went to space people said that 0.89

01:39:42.660 they went to space but that shit was so it was very like that was very sketchy like waving at 0.95

01:39:47.840 people there was like friends coming up to the edge it was like this isn't in space like that 0.99

01:39:51.860 would you go would you go i don't know we're fucking this planet up so much we don't need to 0.75

01:39:56.520 be exporting whatever we're doing i don't need to i don't believe i like we belong on a rocket 0.86

01:40:02.100 yes right now you know what i'm saying like i i still i still getting more i'm still getting

01:40:07.860 used to flying yeah in planes do you know what i do think though oh this is a good question let's

01:40:12.080 Let's answer this for people.

01:40:13.040 The Artemis mission are NASA's current program to return humans to the moon

01:40:17.280 and use it as a stepping stone for future trips to Mars.

01:40:20.400 We're not going to inhabit another planet.

01:40:22.340 We're not going to.

01:40:23.520 You can't.

01:40:24.860 So why are we going up there?

01:40:26.200 I guess we're – 1.00

01:40:28.120 But I don't like that shit. 0.99

01:40:29.500 When somebody's like, hey, I want to come visit you, 1.00

01:40:31.280 but really they're just staying overnight so they can go visit somebody else further away. 1.00

01:40:34.820 I don't like some of that shit. 0.99

01:40:35.760 I don't know if I've ever thought about that. 1.00

01:40:36.660 Well, that's what we're doing.

01:40:37.840 It says carry out the moon to Mars, strategy land astronauts on the moon.

01:40:41.120 we're basically using the moon for a place to relax for a little while establish a sustainable

01:40:45.780 long-term human presence on the moon rather than just short-term flags and footprints visit like 0.98

01:40:52.280 the apollo dog some of this shit flags and footprints also was the name of the um all-male 0.96

01:40:57.800 dance team and uh at covington high school when i was there yeah that's that's pretty good they 0.97

01:41:03.580 were state champs yeah who's gonna go how do you okay let's say let's say but what do they do

01:41:09.060 right we get to the point i interrupt you no no no i'm gonna say let's say we get to the point

01:41:12.880 where people like are ready to move up there it's like okay how how many who's going up there first

01:41:20.500 with what like what are you going up there with some two by fours like you got to build a brick

01:41:24.500 and more like you got to build a house you got to have some type of currency you got to have like a 0.91

01:41:29.120 a bank a restaurant like who's who's going up there building that stuff like you need enough

01:41:34.220 and then you need enough people like i don't understand i don't understand i don't understand

01:41:38.020 How many people do you need to inhabit the moon

01:41:40.600 At the exact same time

01:41:41.680 To make it a thing where people live there

01:41:44.060 And go about their daily lives there

01:41:46.040 Like what's it going to be like

01:41:47.720 Or is it just going to be like prehistoric at first

01:41:50.460 Like signing up to go up there

01:41:52.020 And live in a tent

01:41:53.180 And like just live off the land

01:41:54.980 And have no entertainment

01:41:56.300 You mean like that thing they do in the desert every year

01:41:59.980 What is it?

01:42:00.560 Like Burning Man?

01:42:01.240 Like Burning Man?

01:42:01.800 Yeah it's like

01:42:02.540 How do you properly inhabit

01:42:05.340 Like you know

01:42:06.160 brother this is for the elites so yeah yeah this is for the elites you know they're not bringing a

01:42:11.660 couple giggle monkeys like us up there this is for the elites i think this is like they're planning

01:42:16.640 to do like like they can't do an epstein's island anymore i think they're looking for like epstein's

01:42:21.240 orb you know we're gonna find a place where we can really be nasty out here yeah it's like maritime

01:42:26.820 law out there yeah yeah yeah it's like yeah you're in the international war right international air

01:42:32.040 yeah so i think that like i don't know there is a big part of me dude that and i really there's a

01:42:37.920 big part of me that questions this doesn't believe it questions it like you don't think we went i

01:42:43.000 don't know if we went i do believe that one they're trying to distract us from a lot of the

01:42:46.240 horrible things that are going on in the world right now that we're a part of um sure so i do

01:42:51.680 think that there's some of that because there's a lot of these weird things like one lady's mother

01:42:55.000 gets kidnapped they can't find her you know but they can tell you where your door dash order is

01:42:59.500 missing and where it's been or whatever you can't

01:43:01.620 find one lady that's wild that she's still but

01:43:03.460 she disappears from a porch you got nothing

01:43:05.500 right right but we're gonna move to the moon

01:43:07.700 right but we're gonna move to the moon

01:43:09.480 yeah I think there's like some of it's that it's like

01:43:11.380 oh we need a trip to the moon that'll get

01:43:13.400 people excited you know I'm saying like something to

01:43:15.420 distract us the pictures look crazy

01:43:17.600 though you saw the pictures of the earth

01:43:19.180 I have seen them bring some of them up that's why it's

01:43:21.380 wild it's like

01:43:22.360 but I think yeah it could be that

01:43:24.980 maybe something is do you ever start to worry

01:43:27.360 that something is gonna happen to earth and that

01:43:29.280 that's why there's like i mean because it's kind of it seems like a weird time to send some people

01:43:33.100 out to look at the moon do you agree i think anytime i don't know if there's ever a right

01:43:37.320 time i guess i agree with you i've i'm always thinking something's gonna happen i think maybe

01:43:41.640 right after christmas or something they always have those they always have those things where

01:43:47.100 it's like uh those um predictions from like aristotle like it's like you know or no like

01:43:54.780 they predicted in the field was like nostradamus nostradamus yeah uh and it's like have they come

01:44:00.500 true that's a good question dude oh these are some of the photos i mean bro it's pretty 0.98

01:44:07.440 wild that we're out here like that and do you're telling me this shit hold on 0.65

01:44:12.840 you're telling me the best we can do is some guy takes this with his thumb in front of the thing 0.97

01:44:18.760 that's the kind of shit that makes me feel like i know it makes i would have deleted that one 0.97

01:44:25.400 i would have deleted that one you know like yeah dude 0.99

01:44:28.800 yeah man i can't imagine seeing that with my own eyes though that's wild and then the moon bro that 1.00

01:44:36.180 bitch is vibey though she's mixed yeah she's mixed for sure dude oh look at that 1.00

01:44:42.260 i don't know dude i don't i mean i think i'm i think who wants to live there it's just 1.00

01:44:48.880 i don't know it looks like i don't know maybe you ever do zero gravity

01:44:56.380 like you ever do that floating around like the space no i've never done it have you

01:45:01.460 no my buddy did it he said it's it's one of the craziest things he's ever felt in his life

01:45:07.200 man just flying just flying in this room right now like if you just stood up and pushed if you

01:45:12.200 push yourself off the chair and just just started floating over there went like that's gotta be

01:45:16.360 wild as long as i make that sound while i float if i don't make that sound bro i don't believe it

01:45:21.780 i want to do that i would really want to do that like to at least feel that sensation i wonder if

01:45:27.520 dude i can't even imagine like some of the fan like imagine like you're the children this is

01:45:31.580 kind of sad but i don't mean it like a real sad way i guess i just mean it in some curiosity of

01:45:36.420 emotion like your parent or your brother or something is like going up to the moon at that

01:45:42.280 time because the challenger like was it headed to the moon it's a great question huh i feel like i

01:45:50.240 feel like yes because where else would it be going bro they were blasting people i don't know

01:45:54.680 whatever it would be like you know they were just they were just trying to get like shoot extra

01:46:01.080 scenes for air bud up there they were going to the moon the space shuttle was designed a low

01:46:05.020 earth orbit space truck and did not have the engine power fuel capacity to reach the moon

01:46:09.060 no the challenger was not headed to the moon um the shuttle mission that tragically ended in a

01:46:15.340 disaster was scheduled for a six-day mission in orbit around earth to deploy a communications

01:46:19.800 satellite and study haley's comet okay wow imagine how excited you must have been i wonder if they

01:46:25.480 were scared before is there any interviews of those people right before they left oh geez yeah

01:46:30.440 just to also kind of honor them a little bit

01:46:33.400 what date did that happen as well Trevin do you know

01:46:35.600 80

01:46:37.420 I feel like it was like

01:46:39.440 mid

01:46:40.560 86

01:46:42.200 wow

01:46:43.860 86 so we're coming up on a 40 year anniversary of it

01:46:47.160 first ordinary citizen I mean are you expected

01:46:49.320 to be the ordinary speaker who's out there

01:46:50.940 that was a year after Amy and Stu Shackman got married

01:46:53.560 that was what

01:46:54.740 two months after Amy and Stu Shackman got married

01:46:57.060 um okay this is chris christa mccallough mccallough the teaching profession and students and um the

01:47:09.080 whole country is really going to benefit from this we hopefully are going to know an awful

01:47:12.860 lot more about what life is like aboard the shuttle cold coffee sounds like she's from uh

01:47:18.420 Rhode Island

01:47:19.900 A little bit

01:47:21.220 Where was she from?

01:47:25.800 Yeah, you were right

01:47:26.840 Isn't that close?

01:47:28.700 That's really close

01:47:29.480 Yeah

01:47:29.940 Still close

01:47:32.060 Close enough

01:47:33.060 Yeah

01:47:33.340 Rhode Island

01:47:34.320 It's right there 0.99

01:47:35.160 She reminded me of the lady 0.99

01:47:36.080 It was like cool coffee 1.00

01:47:37.100 Ice coffee 1.00

01:47:37.760 You seen that lady? 1.00

01:47:38.400 I think we talked about this before 0.99

01:47:39.260 You haven't?

01:47:39.820 No 0.68

01:47:40.000 Bring up the lady at the Dunkin' Donuts

01:47:42.080 That burned down

01:47:42.860 Sorry

01:47:43.240 I mean this is the problem

01:47:46.280 With the internet dude

01:47:47.220 We're trying to pay homage or homage to Krista McAuliffe.

01:47:53.460 And then bring up that, yeah, Dunkin' Donuts.

01:47:58.040 Have you seen this?

01:47:59.140 No.

01:48:00.000 With my boy Dutch.

01:48:01.100 Dude, you've never seen this?

01:48:01.860 No.

01:48:02.540 This is, hold on.

01:48:04.100 I've got to tell the lore of it.

01:48:05.880 Jim Norton put us on this.

01:48:08.340 And this has carried on now for like almost 10 years when a Dunkin' Donuts burned down in Shemokin.

01:48:13.800 Coffee shop in Shemokin is closed following an arson over the weekend.

01:48:17.220 POLICE SAY A TEENAGER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THAT DAMAGE.

01:48:20.480 THESE WATCH 16th NIKKI CRYZ JOINS US LIVE FROM THE CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA NEWSROOM WITH MORE TONIGHT.

01:48:24.440 NIKKI?

01:48:26.240 JULIE, A LOT OF PEOPLE IN SHIMOKIN ARE UPSET THAT DUNKIN DONUTS IS CLOSED BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO FOR COFFEE AND DONUTS.

01:48:33.640 TODAY WE ALSO LEARNED NEW INFORMATION ABOUT THE TEENAGE GIRL POLICE CHARGED WITH SETTING THE PLACE ON FIRE.

01:48:40.540 YELLOW TAPE SURROUNDS THE DUNKIN DONUTS ON WEST SUNBURY STREET IN SHIMOKIN.

01:48:45.020 The popular donut shop is closed until further notice because of extensive fire damage.

01:48:51.040 There's a lot of people that's definitely going to miss it, no doubt about it.

01:48:54.640 A teenager is charged with starting a fire inside the restaurant on Saturday night.

01:48:59.840 Shemokin police officer Ray Psycho says no one was hurt, but the place has extensive damage.

01:49:05.760 Psycho says the fire was started inside the women's bathroom.

01:49:09.300 The toilet paper dispenser was lit on fire, and within about a minute, the entire place was filled up with smoke.

01:49:15.760 It feels fake.

01:49:16.260 My mother did explain that she's recently been put on new medication.

01:49:19.060 But the store has, for what reason, we're on the show. 1.00

01:49:21.220 You're like a psycho. 0.97

01:49:22.240 The 13-year-old who admitted to setting the fire is currently at a juvenile detention center. 1.00

01:49:26.640 They're showing blurred pictures of them.

01:49:27.760 Many people who live in Shemokin are upset that Dunkin' Donuts is closed.

01:49:32.040 Now I have to rely on myself to go to maybe a Turkey Hill or something where I don't like their donuts.

01:49:37.100 I'd rather the donuts at Dunkin' Donuts.

01:49:39.300 and i'm kind of dealing with it but i really miss dunkin donuts

01:49:43.960 bro this guy's the best oh boy this is my boy dutch smith right here bro chicken baker croissant

01:49:51.760 where i get some coffee powerade if i'm dehydrated i sit there all the time if i have any like legal

01:49:57.340 work that i need to do i go there i meet with my attorneys there legal work legal work i sit there

01:50:03.680 all the time if i have any like legal work that i need to do i go there i meet with my attorneys

01:50:08.640 He's there.

01:50:09.400 What? 0.87

01:50:10.980 And this is the lady. 0.96

01:50:12.580 And Jim Norton dressed up like this lady for Halloween.

01:50:15.080 No, no, did he?

01:50:16.180 Yeah, one year, which was the best thing I've ever seen.

01:50:19.520 I hope he does it again, allegedly.

01:50:21.460 But let's start at the beginning of her again.

01:50:24.060 I'm going to miss that place if it don't open up. 0.97

01:50:27.640 Damn, a lot of my friends go in there, get the cold coffee. 0.98

01:50:32.380 The iced coffee, I guess it's called. 0.99

01:50:34.680 People miss their-

01:50:35.600 Yeah, there you go.

01:50:36.540 Oh, my gosh, dude.

01:50:38.400 But when she said coffee, it reminded me a little bit of McAuliffe.

01:50:42.220 What's that race?

01:50:43.200 Yeah.

01:50:44.100 Oh, and go look at the comments on there.

01:50:45.400 Is there any great comments on their Google reviews?

01:50:47.180 There's got to be.

01:50:48.900 Oh, so funny.

01:50:50.060 Went for a donut, place burned down.

01:50:52.320 No, I said that.

01:50:53.340 No, no, I'm saying it.

01:50:55.740 Two stars.

01:50:57.520 Here we go.

01:50:58.120 Not open due to being set on fire, but otherwise a classy place to hydrate.

01:51:04.500 Or so I'm told.

01:51:06.160 That's Nicholas Sorority right there.

01:51:08.400 now i have to rely on myself to go to maybe a turkey hill where i don't like their donuts or

01:51:12.980 i'd rather the donuts at duncan donuts and i'm kind of dealing with it but i really miss duncan

01:51:17.760 donuts shout out felix swear thou oh it's the best dude dude you said air bud before it made

01:51:26.680 me think like there was so many dog movies when i was growing up so many dog celebrities

01:51:34.880 Right?

01:51:35.600 Rin Tin Tin?

01:51:36.900 Rin Tin Tin, right.

01:51:38.020 Yeah, the Chihuahua.

01:51:40.340 Are there any more?

01:51:41.160 The Taco Bell Chihuahua.

01:51:41.940 Yeah, what happened?

01:51:43.820 Remember him?

01:51:44.560 The Taco Bell Chihuahua.

01:51:45.020 Say it again?

01:51:45.760 The Taco Bell Chihuahua.

01:51:47.220 You don't remember him?

01:51:48.440 I remember him.

01:51:49.100 I brought him up.

01:51:50.040 Turner and Hooch.

01:51:51.280 Dude, what happened to Dog Hollywood?

01:51:54.300 What happened to Dog Hollywood?

01:51:56.180 Lassie, Benji, Cujo, Clifford, Air Bud, Spuds McKenzie.

01:52:01.520 It was all these dogs, like big dog personalities.

01:52:04.680 Yep, Heathcliff, Snoopy.

01:52:06.440 Snoopy.

01:52:10.820 The other ones.

01:52:12.160 Yeah, there's more.

01:52:12.820 There's more.

01:52:13.240 All Dogs Go to Heaven.

01:52:14.460 Oh, Turner and Hooch.

01:52:15.620 Turner and Hooch.

01:52:17.660 But I'm saying, like, there were, like, big, bankable dog stars. 0.97

01:52:22.160 Right.

01:52:22.860 You don't see that much anymore.

01:52:24.420 That's a great point.

01:52:25.580 Yeah, I wonder what happened.

01:52:26.660 Why are there no more animal stars in Hollywood?

01:52:29.640 Yeah. 0.83

01:52:31.520 animal stars are disappearing from Hollywood,

01:52:33.600 primarily due to the rise of sophisticated CGI and AI.

01:52:37.940 I don't know if I feel like that's true, though.

01:52:39.940 Yeah, because it's not the same.

01:52:42.460 You don't need to, you know what I mean?

01:52:44.180 Right, people know the love of a dog.

01:52:45.800 They want that.

01:52:46.620 You can't replace it.

01:52:48.060 Right, yeah.

01:52:49.240 I think we're primed and ready for our next big dog star.

01:52:53.020 Imagine the tour he would go on.

01:52:55.220 Is Air Bud still doing it?

01:52:58.220 I don't know.

01:52:59.180 i know i read the other day that they're gonna get uh that some dogs now live longer based on

01:53:04.480 some new medicines that they're giving them they can live a lot longer really and some people are

01:53:09.260 happy about it some people apparently were not they're only expecting their dog to live for so

01:53:12.900 long well that's i want a dog but i i can't get one right now i gotta wait till like i stop touring

01:53:17.480 so much and the kids are a little but like i want a dog but one of the reasons i i'm hesitant is

01:53:22.420 because like you're really signing yourself up for a heartache in like 10 to 12 years or something

01:53:28.220 You know, like my dogs all died eight years, 10 years, 12 years, 14 years.

01:53:32.440 Oh, yeah, bro.

01:53:33.360 I mean, if that's a real thing, like if they're giving them medicine

01:53:37.480 or whatever to help them live longer, I'll buy into that.

01:53:41.620 Yeah, will you look that up for me?

01:53:44.200 Hamsters and grandparents, so it's like how children learn about death

01:53:48.900 a lot of times, you know, in a sad way.

01:53:51.020 Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.

01:53:51.820 It's like you need that element to teach your kid to give your kid

01:53:54.600 a gateway to death or whatever,

01:53:58.720 like a way to see it.

01:53:59.920 But they had Sounder.

01:54:01.080 That was a huge movie.

01:54:02.040 Remember that?

01:54:02.660 They had Old Yeller.

01:54:03.700 Old Yeller, that's another one.

01:54:04.860 That was a huge movie.

01:54:06.100 Old Yeller, yes.

01:54:06.440 That was a huge movie.

01:54:07.780 Yeah, that was massive.

01:54:08.780 That was back in the little house

01:54:11.000 in the prairie times.

01:54:11.780 A San Francisco biotech company, Loyal,

01:54:13.940 is developing drugs aimed at extending dogs'

01:54:16.880 healthy lifespans by lowering high levels

01:54:18.600 of the hormone IGF-1,

01:54:20.700 which accelerates aging in larger dogs.

01:54:22.920 leading candidates, including the Daily Pill.

01:54:26.280 They're leading candidates, including the Daily Pill, L-O-Y-O-O-2.

01:54:31.420 The drugs work by reducing levels of insulin-like growth factor one,

01:54:35.120 a hormone that drives rapid growth in young dogs,

01:54:37.620 but contributes to faster aging and shorter lifespan in larger mature dogs.

01:54:41.940 I thought you'd BSing me.

01:54:44.000 Oh, no, I just saw some information about this the other day.

01:54:47.060 That was really interesting.

01:54:49.660 What else was in the news that was something that was kind of worth

01:54:52.620 discussed and i don't know if we want to go down too many heavy roads oh has there been something

01:54:56.640 your children have wanted to ask for uh that you had to say no like or is there like like a tough

01:55:04.680 parenting thing that you kind of like yeah just tell me what some of that's like give me something

01:55:08.100 from like the parenting world because i'm just curious about it yeah yeah my daughter went through

01:55:12.640 a sleep regression recently so like sleep what regression okay so like she was you sleep through

01:55:16.800 the night fine but then you know they start developing their brain starts developing they

01:55:20.480 start having uh dreams and you know and they get a little more like they start to understand stuff

01:55:25.420 more so like we'd watch like home alone all the time right she loves home alone and she just saw

01:55:30.960 it at face value she loved it she knew what was going on like she was two but she like got everything

01:55:35.220 she got a little older and then she started then out of nowhere even though she watched home alone

01:55:39.620 like 50 times she like started to get scared from it uh from marvin harry yeah right so one day like

01:55:46.380 she kept she kept saying like in the car she'd be like dad are marvin harry following us like

01:55:50.080 out of nowhere one day and i'm like no they're not they're not are marvin harry after us oh

01:55:55.080 and i'm like they're not after us at all they're after kevin's toys it's like trying to make it

01:56:00.460 you know oh yeah all right but are they gonna come for me i'm like no marvin harry are fun

01:56:04.580 they're just after kevin's toys kevin's gonna put them through the ringer it's all good and then

01:56:08.600 like in the middle of the night she's like dad dad i'm scared goes there's an i would come and

01:56:12.140 she'll be like a marvin harry coming and i'm like my wife's like you shouldn't have made her watch

01:56:16.600 home alone i'm like she loved it it wasn't until recently that she started getting scared you know

01:56:20.620 what i mean but she'll call and be like so you can't go up there you have to go up there like

01:56:25.560 this is what got really hard like going up there like they're always testing the limits of

01:56:31.200 what they can control and not control and pushing boundaries so that's the whole few years it's like

01:56:36.780 they're pushing boundaries so they try to see what they can get over on you like so if you if

01:56:43.240 they want you to come upstairs and they cry and that brings you upstairs they know that they're

01:56:46.720 gonna get you upstairs every time you have to break that habit you have to like so so there's

01:56:52.020 times where it's like she's like crying and like dad please come upstairs and i'm like downstairs

01:56:56.880 and like you can't you can't go up you know and it's the worst feeling because you want to run

01:57:03.860 as soon as she's like but you know it's a trap it's a trap but like but also she's cunning like 0.93

01:57:09.260 she'll she's she'll say shit that she knows are gonna tug at my heartstrings i'd have to ignore 0.87

01:57:14.300 her crime and she'll start saying stuff like dad please dad i i need you i miss you like uh you 0.98

01:57:22.000 know right the ship is leaving the shore just things that she's seen and you're like i'm like

01:57:27.900 literally like uh downstairs like she doesn't see me but i'm like right under the door me and my

01:57:33.440 whoever's sitting there and i'm just like i got tears in my eyes i'm just like i need to go you

01:57:36.780 know you can't it's tough it's tough so parenting us so yeah you gotta really like i guess you have

01:57:42.960 to be the day you have to sometimes you have to be the leader huh and sometimes you want to just

01:57:47.000 be the that the the buddy i want them to be able to like they want to sleep she'll be like please

01:57:51.900 can i come sleep with you guys i want to i want her to do that so bad but like we can't do it

01:57:57.140 because like it opens up you know like then it's like you know oh yeah but some i know families

01:58:02.960 that sleep, all the kids sleep in the bed

01:58:04.960 and that's that, but like, you know, it could be tough

01:58:06.900 like if we have work and travel a lot and stuff like that

01:58:09.080 Yeah, if you're not a little house on the prairie

01:58:11.120 then that's kind of, like back then

01:58:12.800 yeah, you need it for warmth and stuff

01:58:14.600 and it's like that

01:58:15.460 I want to do it, but so far we haven't done it

01:58:18.840 because I just feel like I don't want to start bad habits

01:58:21.100 you know, but

01:58:22.360 And is it tough with your wife 0.92

01:58:24.500 to debate on what are good habits and bad habits

01:58:26.600 or do you guys communicate

01:58:28.280 Yeah, we're on the same page, it's pretty straightforward

01:58:30.740 you know, like, but

01:58:32.300 you want kids?

01:58:35.180 Yeah.

01:58:35.620 We talk about this a lot. You should have kids.

01:58:37.600 If you want kids, 0.97

01:58:40.880 have kids.

01:58:42.740 I think the most you can get to

01:58:45.080 is I think I want them.

01:58:48.180 Nobody's like,

01:58:49.060 if you're yelling in the park or whatever,

01:58:50.760 I want kids, you're going to go to jail.

01:58:53.100 Or you're going to get elected.

01:58:57.040 But if you're just like,

01:58:59.320 I think the safest thing I see is

01:59:01.060 i think i would really like to have kids i'll have to have a spouse that is like we can go down that

01:59:04.980 road together um and then you know some of it i think it's like if that's going to be part of

01:59:10.500 if god wants that for me in my life you know and if i'm willing to set my life up enough where it's

01:59:14.820 a possibility because god i don't think he would he would bless me with children if it wasn't like

01:59:18.900 a safest environment either you know sure i think you should do it i always tell you that but yeah

01:59:23.380 i would like to have i think more and more i would like to have that yeah you know i would like to

01:59:28.580 to have the chance to love something that's different

01:59:30.540 and to have, like, a new different type of, like,

01:59:33.520 connection in the world, you know?

01:59:35.440 Just to experience what connections there are

01:59:37.200 because I'm sure it's, like, totally different.

01:59:39.740 I mean, last time you were here,

01:59:40.420 you were saying just how different it is.

01:59:41.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:59:42.620 Yeah, you got to do it.

01:59:43.740 You got to do it, especially if you want to

01:59:45.040 because there's nothing better.

01:59:47.240 You'll feel so fulfilled, man.

01:59:48.820 Yeah?

01:59:49.320 Yeah, you'll feel so fulfilled.

01:59:51.000 And I want probably six or five kids, bro.

01:59:53.860 I know.

01:59:55.380 It's like when you start having it, you'll see.

01:59:57.400 Or, yeah.

01:59:58.040 You'll see like you want as many as possible

02:00:00.540 That's why people just keep having them

02:00:02.300 Dude in the old days man people had them with reckless abandon

02:00:05.060 Bro people would have a kid

02:00:06.240 They'd be like oh where's my kid 0.57

02:00:07.320 They'd be at the store they would leave a kid

02:00:09.240 They'd have to come back hey we left a kid on your shelf

02:00:11.680 Or whatever

02:00:12.140 Some kids in the freezer

02:00:14.060 People used to have kids back in the day

02:00:16.320 So many kids that like some of them would just like 1.00

02:00:19.220 Perish

02:00:19.820 And then they were just like ah we lost a couple of them

02:00:22.660 You know

02:00:23.600 We still have 10 of them but we lost a couple

02:00:26.340 yeah albert stayed in mankato we didn't we had to see you know yeah he stayed winded it off and

02:00:31.020 we hope he's all right i know he wanted off in rochester yeah look he had a bag of food with

02:00:34.320 him you know you're like that's crazy i don't know how you focus on you had how many siblings

02:00:38.420 you got i just had one two three four three total okay what'd you have besides me three yeah yeah

02:00:44.680 that's a fun amount yeah you so you're a family you're you had four of you guys still together

02:00:48.640 yeah yeah uh if you could go back and be a kid what's one moment you would go back to in your

02:00:54.120 child like a like a uh was it like a birthday party or a time or like it could just be a general

02:01:00.000 don't have to be specific either yeah like what was like the funnest holiday you guys had or

02:01:06.700 something was there one that was just going to my grandma my grandma would host christmas and like

02:01:10.400 all the cousins would come over and uh that was fun because she had like this really old house

02:01:15.700 that was a two family with a big basement and a big old attic yeah and we all used to go up in

02:01:20.680 the attic and cause like hijinks and hide

02:01:22.700 and shit and uh like I just 0.74

02:01:24.760 like that those those days were the 0.99

02:01:26.480 best days where you could just like run around

02:01:28.720 the house playing hide and seek and like feel like

02:01:30.560 it was the best thing that ever happened to you

02:01:32.440 yeah yeah just 1.00

02:01:34.300 not all this bullshit like you 0.99

02:01:36.600 didn't know anything yet it was just about 0.99

02:01:38.660 playing hanging out you know

02:01:40.700 I know

02:01:41.420 yeah it seems like it should be able

02:01:44.660 to be such a simpler world doesn't it that's the thing

02:01:46.740 that I think gets me a lot it's like go hang out in the woods

02:01:48.860 yeah like

02:01:50.100 when I was young

02:01:53.060 it was so much less

02:01:55.320 underdeveloped

02:01:57.060 and there was just like patches of woods everywhere

02:01:59.540 oh it was native of American 1.00

02:02:01.160 shit you'd have a guy that chiseled a fucking 1.00

02:02:03.160 couple tits into a 1.00

02:02:04.640 birch tree or whatever you'd have somebody 0.98

02:02:07.020 you know there was like a grave somewhere

02:02:08.940 somebody had just buried

02:02:11.260 somebody like the woods used to be

02:02:13.120 crazy bro because you'd see some guy been

02:02:15.040 living there oh yeah 0.98

02:02:16.420 there'd be some pornography or whatever

02:02:19.220 yeah always somebody buried pornography but they you know they draw like an arrow it's like hey

02:02:23.660 so they didn't forget what it was it was like dude that's where i saw my first porn back was

02:02:28.640 in the woods oh everybody which is crazy bro you're right there with nature dude oh dude i 0.52

02:02:32.960 remember the first time i masturbated bro i didn't even know what was gonna happen with like 0.74

02:02:36.760 your body or whatever and i remember like something kind of like kind of came outside 0.99

02:02:42.100 of my body and i remember trying to put it back into my penis with my finger yeah and i heard my 0.97

02:02:48.080 mom like downstairs and i was like trying to get it all back in before yeah oh so yeah i was like 0.95

02:02:56.200 yeah so obviously yeah i had a lot of intimacy issues over the years bro let's get this question

02:03:03.000 let's get this answer in dude early 1800s um let me see over the past three centuries the average

02:03:07.680 number of children per women in most of the world has declined sharply roughly from five to seven

02:03:12.200 kids per woman in the early 1800s to 2.25 per kids per woman today in many countries

02:03:17.660 I think it's even less than that now

02:03:19.760 I think I've read something where they say

02:03:21.820 People are having the least amount of kids

02:03:24.220 In history right now

02:03:26.800 Maybe there'll be a rebirth of it

02:03:28.240 Maybe there'll be something new that happens

02:03:30.640 Do you feel like

02:03:31.960 I feel like

02:03:32.540 I didn't want to get into

02:03:34.840 Heavy stuff today

02:03:36.740 It feels like it's a tough time in the world

02:03:38.980 For a lot of people

02:03:39.740 Do you imagine like Octomom

02:03:42.160 You have eight babies in your stomach 0.93

02:03:45.020 You get birthed to eight babies

02:03:46.840 at the same exact time. 1.00

02:03:48.520 Oh, that's dark shit. 0.99

02:03:49.240 And look at that thing she had on her, bro. 1.00

02:03:50.880 It's like whenever you ever see that spider 0.62

02:03:52.160 that's got the big thing on it, like it's pregnant.

02:03:54.460 Yeah, that's wild, bro. 0.98

02:03:56.780 Imagine you have no kids and then you have eight kids.

02:04:00.240 Yeah.

02:04:00.940 I think she already had like five kids.

02:04:03.660 Oh my God, are you serious?

02:04:05.460 Yeah, just watch a documentary on it.

02:04:06.880 How do you give the time you need to each of these kids?

02:04:10.200 Yo, what do you do when you...

02:04:11.560 You want people like, guess what, twins.

02:04:15.020 And they're like, oh my God, two.

02:04:16.840 How are we going to do this?

02:04:18.260 Like eight?

02:04:19.260 Bro, eight?

02:04:20.420 How do you even, how do you even, what's the first thing you do when there's eight two-day-old babies?

02:04:27.680 That was the first thing you do. 1.00

02:04:28.560 It's like they're like Tamagotchis. 1.00

02:04:30.280 Like you literally just have to like. 0.99

02:04:32.060 Check the batteries on all of them. 0.99

02:04:33.560 Holy shit. 0.99

02:04:34.900 Dude, get you some iced coffee, cold coffee, iced coffee. 1.00

02:04:38.980 You ever have a Tamagotchi?

02:04:40.960 No, I never have one.

02:04:41.740 Do you remember that?

02:04:42.380 Oh, I do remember them.

02:04:43.320 And it didn't hit us super hard.

02:04:45.200 Yeah, I was a little older.

02:04:46.840 We weren't into, like, a lot of the Asian kind of stuff that much. 0.99

02:04:49.740 We was, like, doing Hulk Hogan type of shit. 1.00

02:04:52.280 Dude, I remember I had to do a roast of this, of Nadia Suleiman, who was the Octomom. 1.00

02:04:56.880 Did you have to?

02:04:57.600 Who had eight children, who was kind of a celebrity for a while.

02:05:00.560 Not a celebrity.

02:05:01.360 I mean, everybody's kind of a celebrity these days.

02:05:03.440 But she was, like, kind of in the limelight or whatever, you know, for that.

02:05:07.120 You roasted her? 0.70

02:05:07.900 We had to roast her.

02:05:08.540 And, dude, I remember I got there, and I thought it would be fun and everything.

02:05:11.760 And you get there, and you're like, oh, this feels, there's part of it that feels really mean.

02:05:15.900 Oh, really?

02:05:16.840 Do you remember any of the jokes?

02:05:18.460 I mean, they were easy.

02:05:19.840 I mean, some of them were probably good,

02:05:21.960 and some were probably not good.

02:05:23.980 What scenario was she being roasted?

02:05:25.760 Why was she being roasted?

02:05:26.480 It was the Ha Ha Comedy Cafe over there in Burbank.

02:05:32.760 It's kind of off Burbank.

02:05:33.660 It's off Lankersham, I think.

02:05:34.920 But yeah, Jack Jr., his family over there.

02:05:37.780 It's their club.

02:05:38.220 It's a great spot.

02:05:39.460 Yeah, I've done some spots. 1.00

02:05:40.500 Yeah, but they had the roast of her there.

02:05:44.620 And it was just other people were on the dais

02:05:47.440 Or the docket or whatever

02:05:48.440 And it was just like

02:05:49.020 It was interesting

02:05:49.700 It was fun

02:05:50.280 But it was also like

02:05:51.740 There was a moment where you're like

02:05:52.580 Oh this is me

02:05:53.260 Because they're sitting right there

02:05:54.400 And you'd think like

02:05:55.220 The kids were there?

02:05:56.820 No 1.00

02:05:57.100 Bro

02:06:00.400 It's like eight kids just staring at you

02:06:02.620 Rip on them

02:06:03.260 That would be crazy bro 1.00

02:06:05.840 She was there

02:06:07.220 She was there

02:06:07.980 But it was just kind of a lot bro

02:06:10.400 And I couldn't tell if she was trying to flirt or whatever

02:06:12.380 And I was like

02:06:12.900 I'm getting out of here

02:06:14.040 You know

02:06:14.780 Yeah, you can't, you can't even, you need to wear two condoms.

02:06:18.520 Oh, I wouldn't even sneeze.

02:06:19.520 God forbid.

02:06:20.200 You got, yeah, you can't even sneeze. 1.00

02:06:21.760 I wouldn't even let an eyelash fall out of her.

02:06:24.160 The next thing you know, you have eight children. 0.98

02:06:26.240 Oh. 0.50

02:06:27.320 And blessings to her children.

02:06:28.600 Let's get a gander at them.

02:06:29.480 I want to see them.

02:06:29.900 And who knows, now she may, you know, I can't imagine what that's like.

02:06:33.800 No way.

02:06:34.720 Updated.

02:06:35.100 Oh, is that them now?

02:06:36.180 They all look like.

02:06:37.500 Wow, they look healthy and good.

02:06:39.460 Yeah, they look like they all, like, they look like they weren't one of eight.

02:06:45.240 Yeah.

02:06:45.740 They look like they were their own.

02:06:47.080 Imagine how that's got to be to break out of, like, you know.

02:06:50.040 Well, I mean, how much could they have weighed when they were born?

02:06:53.380 Yeah, you got eight kids in there.

02:06:54.960 You got eight kids.

02:06:55.780 I probably, I would guess how much they weighed.

02:06:58.320 Let's guess, and we'll wager whoever wins.

02:07:01.980 What's the prize?

02:07:02.800 I don't know

02:07:05.980 do something for like

02:07:06.860 moon research or whatever

02:07:10.060 $30 towards moon research

02:07:11.880 towards moon research

02:07:13.480 it's probably going to end up

02:07:16.200 somehow going to Israel

02:07:17.580 we'll call it moon research

02:07:20.640 I think

02:07:21.200 there's no way she could be

02:07:24.540 this is a good game show question

02:07:26.460 yeah it is right

02:07:27.460 there's no way she could be walking around with

02:07:28.780 the average kid when they're born 0.99

02:07:31.780 is like six, seven pounds, right? 0.56

02:07:33.800 So there's no way she's walking around 1.00

02:07:35.460 with 50 pounds of kids in there. 1.00

02:07:37.020 Right, yeah, that's a lot.

02:07:38.660 Now look at the, 1.00

02:07:39.380 you can get a gander at her right there 1.00

02:07:40.980 when she got that front really launched. 1.00

02:07:44.600 And that thing.

02:07:45.180 That is crazy.

02:07:47.120 So I'm going to say, 0.99

02:07:49.440 damn, I'm going to say they were about, 0.98

02:07:51.160 they got about three and a half pounds each, 1.00

02:07:53.200 something like that.

02:07:53.380 Okay, you're going three and a half.

02:07:54.660 I'm going to go, yeah, 3.15.

02:07:58.120 That's still crazy.

02:07:59.040 That's still 20-something pounds a kid in there.

02:08:00.800 Oh, you're right, you're right.

02:08:01.680 But they can't be much less than 3 pounds

02:08:04.360 I'm going 2.2

02:08:05.580 Alright, 2.2 which means for 8 kids 0.98

02:08:08.520 She was still hauling around 17 pounds 1.00

02:08:10.600 Yeah, 17 pounds 1.00

02:08:11.440 2.2 was a small kid

02:08:13.940 Can we find out?

02:08:16.960 3.4

02:08:17.660 No way

02:08:18.720 The Suleman Octopulets 0.81

02:08:21.900 Before 0.97

02:08:22.640 Octopulets

02:08:25.020 Born on January 26, 2009

02:08:27.580 Weighed between 1 pound, 8 ounces

02:08:29.420 And 3 pounds, 4 ounces

02:08:31.020 Oh, so some of them.

02:08:33.280 That's double the other kid.

02:08:35.120 A one pound, eight ounce kid is wild, bro.

02:08:38.100 That's wild.

02:08:39.180 When were they born?

02:08:41.460 2009.

02:08:42.780 That's about 24 years after Amy and Stu Shankman got married.

02:08:49.420 Hey.

02:08:51.740 God bless the Shankmans.

02:08:54.680 And we wish them a million more years.

02:08:57.720 If you ever get to meet with them, man, I want to see the kid.

02:08:59.740 I want to see the tape of you guys meeting up together.

02:09:04.440 Sal, you got Manoush, your new show.

02:09:07.420 Manoush is in the show and Foul Play.

02:09:09.720 Foul Play is on now on TBS.

02:09:11.320 People can check it out with Anthony Davis.

02:09:12.900 And he's in every episode?

02:09:14.640 Yeah.

02:09:15.000 Okay, great.

02:09:15.580 He's in every episode and all of the athletes and stars and stuff like that.

02:09:19.180 And yeah, Montour, SavalcanoComedy.com for tickets.

02:09:23.760 Got up till June announced, but I'm going to be doing all of Canada in October

02:09:27.180 and I'm going to be doing UK and Europe in 27.

02:09:29.740 and then probably come back around and get the last

02:09:32.480 few cities I haven't gotten to here maybe film this

02:09:34.420 next special maybe in Boston or something like that

02:09:36.480 I love Boston

02:09:37.380 do you think your family will go hitch the road with you?

02:09:39.800 I'm going to try to maybe take them out to the UK 0.95

02:09:41.500 visit Ari out there and stuff 0.99

02:09:43.620 oh yeah 0.82

02:09:44.420 so that should be fun

02:09:46.460 and then what else 0.92

02:09:49.040 I guess Jokers will be out

02:09:50.500 starting July will be season 13

02:09:52.400 it's crazy

02:09:53.380 you guys can find everything we'll share all the links

02:09:56.380 and we'll share everything for you dude

02:09:58.120 And Sal, thanks for coming and just spending time with us

02:10:00.120 Of course man, thanks for having me, I love you

02:10:01.900 It's kind of cool, I love you too man

02:10:03.580 And thanks for just telling us about the Shankmans

02:10:05.680 Let's find them, I can't wait

02:10:08.000 You're going to help me find them

02:10:10.260 Amy and Stu

02:10:11.540 The Shankmans, they're looking for you

02:10:13.860 Alright, blessings bro, thank you so much 1.00

02:10:16.400 You got it baby

02:10:28.120 But when I reach that ground

02:10:30.280 I'll share this peace of mind

02:10:32.440 I found I can feel it

02:10:34.500 In my bones

02:10:36.600 But it's gonna take

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - April 27, 2026

#655 - Sal Vulcano

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript