00:11:13.900Two, three, four spots and get out of here early.
00:11:17.240And I'll tell you what, how I got introduced to this area down here was one of my brothers lives in Morganville, which is 10 minutes from where I live now.
00:22:05.820But the things I would just see in there, it wasn't about, I mean, it was about the addiction, but it wasn't about like, I would get surprised.
00:22:13.840Even when you land on the other side of New York,
00:22:15.800if you go underneath, like that area there,
00:22:18.100when I was growing up, that's where you dropped your car off
00:22:19.980if you didn't want to pay for it no more.
00:32:18.280But I know that there's tons of people that walk around and be like, I don't want to live, but I don't want to jump off a bridge and embarrass my family or this or that or, you know.
00:32:28.340That's what you just got to keep proving yourself.
00:32:29.840Even when your brain is like saying whatever, I think that's what if you just can keep moving your feet, you know, just keep trying, you know.
00:34:11.300Right. And at that time, you're also really coming into your own life, and you're kind of obsessed with your own world at that age as a teenager. That's when my dad died.
00:34:18.360I had an option to move to California with my uncle. I had an option to move with my godmother in Harlem, but I was already set in North Bergen. I had already put this work in in North Bergen just to be somebody.
00:34:30.980Just to try to be cool at parties and be funny or whatever the fuck I was thinking. But this is something I realized when I moved back here.
00:34:39.340part of my healing process from my mother at that time because i'd be out with you till four in the
00:34:46.360morning like a year after she died yeah i'd be out with you whatever and also on the way home i go
00:34:52.440drop me off over here and then you say to me like don't you live around the corner yeah but i'm gonna
00:34:57.320walk a little bit you go all right man you good yeah what i was doing is sneaking to my mother's
00:35:01.720house i would just go to where we grew up and sit in the steps nobody was in the house yet
00:42:11.640Yeah, dude, losing a parent, man, like, I remember my dad, like, my dad was older, so I was embarrassed of him, and that's the thing, like, if I have, like, a regret when it comes to it, it was, like, I was embarrassed to how old he was, but it's, like, so it kind of kept me away from him, but also I was at that age where, like, you're just kind of coming into your own, and your parents, you're not even really super connected to your parents at, like, 14, 15, 16, you're doing your own shit, you think, you know, you're just kind of like, you know, your nuts are just starting to fucking look around, you know,
00:42:41.400peek over your dick and look around you know it's like things are you know things are starting to1.00
00:42:46.100get different you know maybe somebody's flirting with you maybe you're sneaking some chick in your1.00
00:42:50.520room at night or whatever it's little things you become you're growing up but yeah dude i was0.98
00:42:55.780embarrassed of him and sometimes but that dude my fucking dad bro he like i think i told you he had0.96
00:43:02.480bought like a uh a delta 88 an old cutlass kind of car off of some brothers right and he couldn't0.99
00:43:07.960hear. And so he had speakers in a trunk. So he had fucking 22s in a trunk, right? He's driving
00:43:13.100this car and it would play like Paul Harvey, Rush Limbaugh, you know, just with bass, dude. It'd be
00:43:19.700like, Paul Harvey, good day, you know? And this motherfucking thing was just, just fucking1.00
00:43:27.440rattling. He bought this car for like 800 bucks off a couple of brothers around the corner. So1.00
00:43:31.640he would drive us around in that thing and the fucking doors wouldn't open, dude. Two of the0.99
00:43:36.540passenger side door. So we'd always have to jump in the window. Everything in there was just a
00:43:39.940bunch of shit. He like, he like, he delivered candies for a little while and was putting candies1.00
00:43:44.580in vending machines and shit. So we'd always have fucking like, like nine boxes of fucking0.99
00:43:49.700melted chocolate in the back of his car, bro. So we'd have to sit in there until you fucking get0.99
00:43:55.500out. Until you were half black, you were mulatto by the time you got out of that motherfucker.1.00
00:44:00.600And they'd have like dogs come licking your arms and shit because you're just covered in fucking1.00
00:44:03.960chocolate and you'd have to go to school dude so i was already embarrassed because we're poor and1.00
00:44:09.720then i had to walk out of here with half a kit kat hanging off my neck you know and this is
00:44:15.000in the teachers looking at me like she doesn't even know where to start and then sometimes he0.67
00:44:19.800would come to pick us up from school and he would fall asleep in the carpool line
00:44:25.240so now it was embarrassing because the teacher's like blowing the whistle and he's0.99
00:44:28.680fucking you know when there's fucking reesey cups fucking falling out of them it's just like0.98
00:44:35.280like dear god i just felt everything about it gave me like so much shame because i think there1.00
00:44:41.360wasn't a conversation like hey we're gonna have some pride in this shit this is who we are you0.91
00:44:44.920know but uh anyway i don't know why i told that story but bro that but that makes your life but0.97
00:44:51.280it's so crazy how as kids we don't see that yeah listen my mom would go to mech games and she'd
00:44:58.060In fact, my mom spent so much money at the MET games,
00:48:37.880much shit at the dinner table. Shut the fuck1.00
00:48:39.940up. Especially kids. What the fuck?1.00
00:48:41.840Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? They don't know shit.1.00
00:48:43.940Dude, my mom always had, like, this air of, like, this odd superiority of, like, we would, like, she would, like, we would go to the McDonald's, you know, once we get the chores done on Saturday, the big thing was we would get to go to McDonald's, right?0.99
00:48:58.040So she would make us listen to Bryan Adams and Leonard Cohen and shit, and, like, we fucking didn't even know what this shit was, and we're sitting there like, have I told you lately that I love you?1.00
00:49:08.480I'm out there that's fucking nose deep in a toilet bowl fucking cleaning this bitch1.00
00:49:12.800cleaning whites bro I was four years old doing fucking whites and coloreds bro and you know1.00
00:49:17.800because those are the two that I knew just from that neighborhood we lived in but those are you1.00
00:49:21.120know those are the loads I was responsible for dude then she would take us to McDonald's bro
00:49:25.980but we kind of had this like pattern where we got to order and then she would like kind of shush us
00:49:31.340a little bit and she would order a McFish but like it was like a like it was on like a special menu
00:49:38.340like it was like like an entree or something that they had there you know she kind of like
00:49:43.320she always had this weird superiority she's like all right now quiet down and she's like and i'll1.00
00:49:49.180have a mcfish you know like it was a fucking like like these motherfuckers don't care it's the same1.00
00:49:54.340shit it's just chicken that they fucking squirted some fish flavor on it's fucking but she always1.00
00:50:00.320had like i don't know my mother always had this weird you're still tight with mom right yeah it's1.00
00:50:05.380gotten better over the years, you know? And like you're saying, it's like these days, I'm just,
00:50:09.420I pray, my gratitude is I'm just grateful my mother made me, right? It's like, I don't know
00:50:14.220what was going on in her life, but somehow, whatever it was, she found enough energy or love
00:50:20.260or whatever happened to at least make me, you know, like, and I got here and the rest of it,
00:50:26.520it's like, yeah, it wasn't up to me early, but it's up to me now, you know? And so I can try my
00:50:31.140best. It's not always great, but, um, yeah, I got over some of like the old, like I'm going to like
00:50:37.180hold stuff against you. Life was fucking tough. My mother, when she was growing up, like her dad0.88
00:50:42.680was kind of crazy. Her father was crazy. He would for months at a time, he would, he wouldn't even0.99
00:50:47.660use the front door. It was her and my grandmother. They would do, they were cleaning. My grandmother
00:50:52.060was a cleaning lady. So they would go clean houses. My mom would go with her sometimes,1.00
00:50:55.340but my grandfather would stay in his own room and then he would go in and out through the window.