This Past Weekend with Theo Von - 9-25-17

00:00:00.000 This past weekend.

00:00:04.760 Alright, check check.

00:00:07.780 Got me.

00:00:09.880 There we go.

00:00:14.860 Happy Monday.

00:00:16.820 Celebrate living.

00:00:20.100 Celebrate misery.

00:00:24.540 You know that soon we're gonna die.

00:00:30.000 Let's have some fun while we're gonna die.

00:00:36.580 Alright.

00:00:37.940 Alright, it's Monday, September 25th of the year 2017.

00:00:45.280 And some people want to say that it's not autumn.

00:00:49.560 Okay, but it's autumn.

00:00:50.920 It's fall.

00:00:52.380 You know, this is winter's little mixed baby.

00:00:56.480 You know, this is winter's little mixed baby.

00:01:00.000 And this thing is nibbling at our nipples.

00:01:03.920 I went outside yesterday and I could feel Mother Nature being naughty.

00:01:09.880 I could feel her licking at the ends of my limbs, at my elbows and my lips.

00:01:17.900 I could feel that naughty little bitch tickling my whiskers.

00:01:23.020 You know what I'm talking about?

00:01:25.260 And that is autumn coming.

00:01:27.400 That is Mother Nature showing off her fanciness.

00:01:30.200 You know, she's hanging all her clothes out to dry.

00:01:34.540 You know, the party's over.

00:01:35.880 The skinny dipping and the swimming and the drinking lemonade and the summertime activities are over.

00:01:43.540 And Mother Nature's about to shake them leaves off.

00:01:46.160 And you could even hear birds being like,

00:01:49.120 Hey, motherfucker.

00:01:53.180 It's about to get cold.

00:01:55.540 And you see little birds that could be, that might not even make it through the winter.

00:02:01.280 You see them trying to couple up with bigger birds.

00:02:04.300 Bigger birds that are going to be able to take care of them.

00:02:06.600 You know, you'll see a sparrow trying to fuck a goose.

00:02:09.580 Or you will see a, you know, you will see a, even a hummingbird, you know, trying to, um, trying to, you know, get in a little bit of, uh, trying to get into some doggy style with a, with a raven.

00:02:24.700 You will see things like that because some of these smaller animals know that winter's coming.

00:02:29.320 And that's all that's going on.

00:02:31.760 Thank you guys for joining me.

00:02:33.880 Oh, man, I'm excited.

00:02:35.840 I'm excited about this show today.

00:02:37.600 Uh, we had a lot of, we had, look, I had a sidekick on last week, right?

00:02:42.620 A lot of you listeners weren't happy about it.

00:02:44.720 I understand.

00:02:46.220 Um, and he'll be back.

00:02:47.840 He's going to pop back in later on today.

00:02:49.600 We're going to try it in a little bit of a new facet.

00:02:51.660 He's not here now.

00:02:53.080 Uh, so that's going to be good.

00:02:55.580 We have, uh, we're going to get into some other stuff.

00:02:58.600 Oh, I got to tell you what happened to me.

00:03:01.040 I got hair, um, hair rejuvenation.

00:03:07.600 Hair rejuvenation, surgery, hair rejuvenation, surgery in my head with my own hair.

00:03:14.400 And what it is, is they take part of your hair out of the back of your head.

00:03:18.300 And look, I got enough hair for everybody.

00:03:21.260 If you got a bald child out there or something, you know, dude, I could, dude, I could, uh,

00:03:27.780 I could put, I could make wigs for half of a St. Jude's commercial.

00:03:31.280 I got enough hair coming off the back.

00:03:33.600 And so I, um, a buddy of mine introduced me to this dude a while back, this doctor out

00:03:40.700 here.

00:03:41.480 Uh, and next thing you know, you know, I'm in there talking to him and he's like, look,

00:03:46.180 you should get the surgery.

00:03:47.120 You should get the procedure.

00:03:48.160 And I love surgery.

00:03:50.480 I've always loved surgery since I was young.

00:03:52.740 When I was young, I had a very small wiener, basically a wiener hole, a hole, the hole in

00:04:00.040 your wiener, urethra or urethra.

00:04:02.800 It's one of them.

00:04:03.680 One of them is also a singer.

00:04:04.780 I don't know who it is.

00:04:05.540 Um, one of them is a, I think a, uh, African American, um, mezzo sopranist, but the urethra

00:04:12.600 or the urethra, my hole basically on the, on my wiener was too small.

00:04:21.080 So when I would pee, I was peeing.

00:04:23.260 I mean, I could pee it that I could pee almost maybe 45 feet.

00:04:27.520 It was dumbfounding the distance that I could urinate.

00:04:31.560 And so when I urinated, I would piss big on apple juice too.

00:04:34.660 If I had apple juice, dude, I was basically a water gun.

00:04:39.080 You know, I remember my brother would carry, I'd drink a bunch of apple juice and my brother

00:04:41.900 would carry me around and I would basically just piss at my sisters, you know, and I,

00:04:46.820 cause I was just like a weapon and, but it became a strain on my body.

00:04:51.280 It became like painful.

00:04:52.680 And so they had to take me into the surgery area and they had to cut, you know, recavernate,

00:04:59.060 I guess, recavernate my, my penis hole.

00:05:03.600 And so, and I don't know what the exact procedure is on that.

00:05:07.540 I would look it up, but I don't, you know, I don't want to get into my computer.

00:05:09.960 I want to stay in my brain.

00:05:12.300 So that's what I would do, man.

00:05:13.540 I got that, you know, I got that done when I was young.

00:05:15.620 Um, and, and then I swallowed all them quarters.

00:05:19.360 They had to get the quarters out of me.

00:05:21.380 I had a spine surgery a while back, may or may not have needed, you know, but something

00:05:27.720 about surgery and something about procedures, I think it's just the care or something when

00:05:32.240 you're in there, you know, when you wake up and suddenly there's people around and they

00:05:37.000 want to know if you need anything.

00:05:38.200 And I think when I was young, I just wanted that care.

00:05:40.880 I wanted somebody to feel, you know, local, you know, and they come in.

00:05:44.880 It just seems like, you know, there's a couple people in the room you feel cared for.

00:05:49.000 And that's what I liked about it.

00:05:50.300 And so I, I went in, man, and people are like, dude, you don't need hair surgery.

00:05:54.500 You don't need any hair transplantation.

00:05:56.500 You're right.

00:05:57.600 You're right.

00:05:58.160 I don't need it.

00:05:59.140 But, you know, I don't know if that's part of my, you know, I don't feel like I have

00:06:04.460 an addiction to surgeries.

00:06:05.760 I don't, I like them.

00:06:08.100 I like, I like the, you know, the rigmarole, the signing in and then you're waiting and then

00:06:13.740 everybody's wearing the same outfits because they're same uniforms because of, you know,

00:06:17.920 you're in a medical facility.

00:06:21.300 Everybody has on the, you know, the little shoe.

00:06:23.620 You, um, they put these little, like, shower caps on your shoes and you, everybody wears

00:06:29.740 the, you know, same color stuff because they're doing a procedure.

00:06:34.840 And next thing you know, I'm getting that, I'm getting the hair taken out of the back

00:06:38.140 of my head, put it in the front of my head.

00:06:40.220 So that's what happened, man.

00:06:41.560 I'm going to take you through that.

00:06:42.500 I'm going to take you through that.

00:06:43.640 I'll just take you through it right now.

00:06:45.040 We're going to talk about the, um, the kneeling in the NFL a little bit.

00:06:49.440 And then I'm going to have Ari, Ari Maness is going to be back here.

00:06:54.060 And we are going to have him read some of the comments that people had to say about

00:06:59.560 him.

00:07:00.700 And I just want to kind of feel that out with him.

00:07:03.620 You know, I, I did commit to, uh, giving things a shot with him for a little bit.

00:07:08.160 Uh, but I do realize that listeners want it to be just me and them as well.

00:07:12.860 So I'm not bailing on having Ari in, but I'm not, um, committing to it yet fully either.

00:07:20.320 So we're just going to feel that out.

00:07:22.820 And that's life.

00:07:23.780 Sometimes you just have to feel things out.

00:07:25.740 So anyhow, let me tell you about this hair procedure.

00:07:27.660 So I had a friend that got hair and I'd never even met this friend before.

00:07:31.480 This was a new friend.

00:07:32.420 So this was an inaugural, inaugural friend.

00:07:36.180 And I said to him, I said, man, you got good hair.

00:07:38.360 And he goes, well, I'll tell you this.

00:07:40.600 He said, you see the hair on the front of my head?

00:07:42.440 I said, yep.

00:07:43.360 He goes, usually you can't see that hair unless you're standing behind me.

00:07:47.720 And I'm thinking that, I don't know what I'm thinking.

00:07:51.320 Maybe this, this kid was raised in a fun house.

00:07:54.100 His daddy's a magician.

00:07:55.260 You know, I don't know what I'm thinking.

00:07:56.980 You know, maybe he thinks he's got, maybe he's on acid.

00:07:59.880 I don't know.

00:08:00.720 But he ended up telling me that he got hair taken to the back of his head, put into the

00:08:03.820 front of his head.

00:08:05.040 And it just blew my mind.

00:08:06.860 Because it looked normal.

00:08:07.600 You couldn't tell anything.

00:08:08.640 So anyway, fast forward two years.

00:08:10.580 I'm in the guy's office the other day.

00:08:12.380 And he's like, let's, let's get it.

00:08:14.080 And I'm like, all right, let's do it.

00:08:16.320 So I got the hair.

00:08:18.060 And you sit down, you go in there.

00:08:19.760 And first they run like a little bit of a woman's vibrator along your scalp.

00:08:23.200 And it looks like a little vibrator.

00:08:25.940 Almost for a, and this, I'm not trying to be profane, but like a baby.

00:08:29.440 If a baby was being sensual, a female baby.

00:08:34.180 By themselves.

00:08:35.460 And was using like a little vibrator thing.

00:08:37.680 This is maybe the thing that they would use.

00:08:39.340 And I'm not envisioning that while I'm saying it.

00:08:41.480 If you're envisioning that, I don't recommend that.

00:08:44.500 But I'm just telling you kind of what this little thing looked like.

00:08:47.420 And he injects this stuff into the front of your head.

00:08:50.920 And then he does the vibrator right over it.

00:08:54.460 So that it kind of like just alleviates a little bit of the pain.

00:08:57.940 So they shoot you up in that forehead, dude.

00:09:00.080 So my head was doused up.

00:09:02.060 You know, I'm sober.

00:09:03.100 My freaking, boy, my hairline was straight up drunk driving, son.

00:09:07.500 You know, I'm surprised I didn't wake up in a, you know, in another hairline's bed.

00:09:11.940 You feel me?

00:09:13.140 Between the sheets with another stranger hairline.

00:09:17.320 So I got that.

00:09:18.780 They put the injections in.

00:09:20.480 And then next thing you know, oh, they make you take two Xanaxes.

00:09:24.280 You're taking Xanax in the beginning.

00:09:25.720 I don't, I never, I've never been into pills.

00:09:27.840 I've never been in a prescription pills or anything like that.

00:09:30.180 And people used to eat Xanaxes.

00:09:32.160 And then their faces would get real skinny.

00:09:34.560 And then they would have to leave town and get better.

00:09:36.800 I remember that from growing up.

00:09:39.200 But next thing you know, I'm a little bit woozy.

00:09:42.620 And they turn me over.

00:09:44.340 Oh, no.

00:09:44.740 First, the doctor comes with this little tool.

00:09:47.540 And he starts just pushing it into your head, right?

00:09:52.000 And they start pushing it in your head.

00:09:54.760 And literally, you can hear your head crunching.

00:09:58.060 But you can't feel it.

00:10:01.020 It's, is it awesome?

00:10:03.260 It sounds like your brain is eating Special K or Frosted Flakes.

00:10:10.000 Like something like that.

00:10:10.800 It sounds like your brain is eating cereal, you know.

00:10:14.780 And just the first few bites because it's crunchy.

00:10:17.100 You just keep hearing this crunch, right?

00:10:18.560 This crunch.

00:10:19.560 So this guy just keeps crunching me up, crunching me up, crunching me up.

00:10:22.960 So I'm getting straight crunched up by another man.

00:10:25.200 And I've never really been involved in anything heavily homoerotic.

00:10:29.020 But when you've had a man, and this was a beautiful man, I think maybe from Egypt or another country.

00:10:36.240 When you've had a beautiful man like that just put 500, 600 little bitty holes in your scalp, I don't, I mean, that must count for beyond sex.

00:10:49.180 That's after, I mean, that's, because sex is one time.

00:10:53.420 You know, that's one hole, fill, you're in, you're out, you know.

00:10:58.400 You know, you're swapping numbers, who knows, you're behind the shonies, who knows what's going on.

00:11:03.160 But with this man, with his little tool, you know, he was getting full bore inside of me.

00:11:08.760 So I got all these little holes, then they turn you over, they flip you over, bro.

00:11:12.900 It's like you're an egg.

00:11:14.960 You know, it's like you're a piece of breakfast.

00:11:18.280 And this goes back to that care and stuff that I like.

00:11:21.160 You know, this is what I like about all of that, is that you get cared for.

00:11:24.940 And that's it, man.

00:11:25.880 They flip you over, and then they got two shorties in there, right?

00:11:29.700 A couple of straight up just follicle jockeys, right?

00:11:34.460 These ladies show up with this little clipper, you know, and they just shave a little part into the back of your head.

00:11:41.340 You cannot even, like if you're standing behind me right now, you have no idea.

00:11:45.960 So they shave a little part in there, and then I don't know what happens because the Xanax took over.

00:11:51.960 So I passed out.

00:11:52.800 But I wake up, they'd ordered everybody Chinese food.

00:11:57.900 No clue how long I'd been out.

00:12:00.260 But next thing you know, I'm jacked up on sweet and sour chicken.

00:12:03.400 I'm feeling fired up, everybody's friends, you know.

00:12:07.420 Kind of flirting with the girl that worked at the front a little bit, you know.

00:12:10.640 I think she was, you know, she had a kid, but she was, you know, doing her best.

00:12:15.380 She was trying to go back to school, I think.

00:12:17.140 I don't know.

00:12:17.620 And next thing you know, they got me flipped back over.

00:12:22.660 My body's digesting Chinese food.

00:12:24.660 Everybody has Chinese food in their systems.

00:12:27.960 And they're putting these two hair babies are putting the follicles in.

00:12:36.100 They're replanting me, you know, out there.

00:12:38.040 So suddenly I'm a sharecropper.

00:12:39.500 I'm sharecropping for my, basically got my mullet put into the front.

00:12:44.320 And so people can say anything about this, certain styles of hair, you know.

00:12:50.480 And people say, Theo, why do you have the haircut you have?

00:12:52.680 And I say, well, for me, this is the underdog cut.

00:12:56.700 You know, I look like shit.

00:12:58.720 And I know that.

00:13:00.000 And that's fine.

00:13:01.340 So let's take my looks out of the equation, okay.

00:13:05.020 So let's be, what else are we?

00:13:06.840 Who else are we?

00:13:07.700 But when I got a little bit of that mullet now in the front, you know, I'm coming something fierce.

00:13:14.580 I'm coming out of the jungle.

00:13:17.240 If I commit a crime, they're like, who did it?

00:13:20.060 Oh, I don't know.

00:13:20.840 A man that had magic growing out the fucking front of his head.

00:13:25.240 That's who.

00:13:26.680 Man, if you saw a police artist sketch of me, it better look like a dang, just like a thundercat, like a lion.

00:13:33.860 Man, you know, it better look like something that just leapt out of a damn birch and bit your stepdaddy in the neck.

00:13:40.640 Because that's how I'm living now.

00:13:42.640 So I got some of the back of my hair and the front of my hair.

00:13:45.080 And it makes me feel good, honestly.

00:13:46.460 It makes me feel even more like a damn, just like a damn pleasure cat.

00:13:53.120 And you can't even notice.

00:13:54.720 So here's the thing.

00:13:55.320 You got these little hairs.

00:13:56.320 They just put them all in these holes, right?

00:13:58.240 So then you don't have anything.

00:14:00.320 You still have the same hair you started out with that day.

00:14:02.960 So nothing's new in that world.

00:14:04.920 You got the same hair you started out with that day.

00:14:07.200 So that's it.

00:14:08.260 So I'll keep you guys posted.

00:14:09.680 You know, I'm sure some guys have had this procedure.

00:14:11.600 Some guys haven't had it.

00:14:12.980 You know, I mean, I definitely worry some that I'm going to lose my hair in the future.

00:14:16.560 So a lot of that is anxiety.

00:14:18.340 And people can say, well, that's, you know, it's cosmetic surgery.

00:14:21.140 It is.

00:14:21.660 It's a cosmetic surgery.

00:14:23.080 You know, but yeah, I guess, you know, I'm out here.

00:14:25.740 I get nervous.

00:14:26.520 I get scared.

00:14:27.240 I don't want to, you know, if I can keep my hair for another, you know, if I can keep that front line fighting.

00:14:32.420 And I know I got them, you know, them soldiers in the back that are legit.

00:14:37.120 Then I'm going to tag team, you know, I mean, this WWE out here, you know, out here in these hair streets.

00:14:43.240 And I just tag teamed into the back of my head and I'm bringing around to the front.

00:14:46.140 And so I still got the same amount of back, maybe minus 600 hairs.

00:14:50.720 You'd never notice.

00:14:51.460 And now I'm keying up the front, dude.

00:14:53.100 So we're coming in full throttle, double dragging.

00:14:57.580 Remember double dragging that video game?

00:15:00.060 People fucking double dragging, dude, whatever.

00:15:03.680 I don't even know.

00:15:05.400 So I went out.

00:15:06.520 Look, I leave that.

00:15:07.540 So, you know, I get all bandaged up.

00:15:09.540 I got to still go do my comedy, right?

00:15:11.920 I got this hair tourniquet on my head.

00:15:14.040 I can't touch the front of my head for three days.

00:15:16.500 And that part I didn't like.

00:15:17.720 That part brought me down off the high clouds.

00:15:19.560 I'm like, oh, this isn't even cool.

00:15:21.200 You know, it made me feel like I wish I had never done this.

00:15:24.480 And almost a week now, it was last Tuesday that this happened.

00:15:28.000 And I feel a little bit like, you know, I guess, do I feel ashamed that I did it?

00:15:37.120 I guess I feel like, you know, maybe I feel a little bit like maybe my higher power or something had a certain way that they want me to look in my life.

00:15:46.720 So I guess I feel a little bit, I don't know if I feel like a cheater, but I feel maybe a little bit of shame there.

00:15:52.160 I also feel a little bit like, you know, like I liked being in the place.

00:15:58.720 I liked being in there with the people and having the Chinese food and getting the hair and feeling, you know, even feeling the vibrator on my scalp.

00:16:09.900 You know, I know that's kind of maybe homoerotic or something.

00:16:12.380 I don't know, but it was exciting for everybody, I felt like.

00:16:16.600 And then, so then, so then I'm back out at the comedy clubs.

00:16:21.200 I'm wearing this bandage.

00:16:22.180 Here was the shit part.

00:16:23.740 Nobody even asked me about it.

00:16:25.800 I got my head wrapped up in bandages.

00:16:29.320 Nobody's asking me shit.

00:16:30.840 Nobody's asking me how, what, what, have anything.

00:16:33.780 I go on stage.

00:16:36.460 People thought it was a tennis band.

00:16:38.580 That's what my buddy tells me after.

00:16:40.460 Oh, people thought it was a tennis headband.

00:16:42.420 Dude, it's gauze.

00:16:44.140 Who you playing tennis with, huh?

00:16:47.600 Uh, Martina, not going to live, huh?

00:16:51.740 Because if I see somebody with a bandage on their head, I'm going to check in with them.

00:16:57.460 I'm going to see what's going on with them because that's a severe thing.

00:17:00.420 That's their head.

00:17:02.360 You only get one head.

00:17:05.740 And people are out here, I got this bandage, and that made me feel, honestly, it started a little bit of depression for me for the week.

00:17:13.960 And that was hectic, man.

00:17:15.240 I didn't like that feeling.

00:17:16.180 Nobody asked.

00:17:17.980 You got a buddy wrapped up.

00:17:19.700 Their cranium is all balled up in cotton and swaddling cotton.

00:17:26.460 And you're not even going to check in with them?

00:17:29.200 Some dudes didn't even look up from their phone.

00:17:30.780 Buddies of mine.

00:17:31.560 Just on the, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:33.420 You know, nothing.

00:17:34.100 So I don't know.

00:17:36.040 That's L.A., man.

00:17:37.780 You know, that's L.A. for you.

00:17:39.620 Everybody talking shit on all social media about how it's the most loving.

00:17:44.320 You got a loved one and this and that.

00:17:46.120 And then everybody's just on their phone screaming at the rest of the universe about how we got to all take care of each other.

00:17:52.740 But then you got a buddy that shows up in your visual streets out here in zone one.

00:18:00.180 In zone one, I say that's from 10 a.m. to 2 a.m.

00:18:03.020 That's your primary zone.

00:18:04.300 You know, some people, my buddy Danny growing up, he had that bad neck.

00:18:10.400 So every couple seconds, the Lord would just involuntarily swoop him out of zone one over into zone two.

00:18:18.240 And he's looking a different direction.

00:18:21.000 But I'm talking about zone one, natural.

00:18:22.900 When you have that natural forward looking.

00:18:24.640 Where are you looking?

00:18:25.320 Straight ahead.

00:18:26.160 A little bit to the right.

00:18:27.160 A little bit to the left.

00:18:28.600 That's zone one.

00:18:29.440 And I'm showing up in people's zone one and nobody cares.

00:18:35.440 You know, I guarantee I'll walk down the street, you know, in middle America out there and somebody be saying, hey, man, at least they'll say don't bleed over here, you know, or somebody maybe give me a can of peaches or do something nice.

00:18:52.540 But nobody, nobody asked a thing, man.

00:18:56.000 And that's as close as you can get to dying.

00:18:59.920 If I show up missing a leg, yeah, that's, that's bad, you know.

00:19:04.380 You got, you're down to one, you still got one.

00:19:07.060 If I show up and, you know, my hands are burned in a fire and I can, and I gotta, you know, I have to carry my wallet around in my hands because I won't be able to get it out of my pocket anymore.

00:19:18.900 So I'm just carrying around my own wallet like that.

00:19:21.860 You know, that's, that's bad.

00:19:23.380 But that person is still probably going to live.

00:19:26.660 But you see somebody showed up their cranium all balled up, you know, like a re-gifted Christmas, you know, vase or vase.

00:19:37.160 And you're not even going to ask them what's going on.

00:19:39.260 Yeah, of course.

00:19:40.200 So, you know what?

00:19:41.340 Maybe that got me to feeling bad.

00:19:42.600 I don't know what that got me to feeling, but it didn't get me to feeling very good.

00:19:46.740 And then the rest of the week, I've been in a little bit of pain, you know, dealing with that, dealing with the head pressure.

00:19:56.160 But everything's going okay.

00:19:58.420 And then we get to, you know, I've been, and I'll answer more questions.

00:20:02.160 If anybody has questions about the calling, about the hair stuff, you can answer, you can ask, and I will answer them.

00:20:07.420 You know, and I'm not a, I don't know a ton about the hair stuff.

00:20:10.060 I started to watch videos on the internet, but then I got away from that because I don't want to get into the whole hair universe.

00:20:15.980 You know, I love, I just like being cared for, man.

00:20:19.260 And you get in those facilities and they care for you.

00:20:22.480 And here's the thing.

00:20:23.400 If I get a certain number of people to get the hair transplant within the next year, then mine is free.

00:20:28.740 So I am, I'm involved basically in a, in a pyramid scheme, a haremid scheme, if you will.

00:20:37.300 And, and I love those, dude.

00:20:39.400 I love pyramid schemes.

00:20:42.200 You know, I don't think they're fair.

00:20:44.360 I don't think it's funny when people get trapped in them.

00:20:46.340 I got stuck in one as a child.

00:20:48.540 Me and a buddy of mine each put a thousand dollars into this one.

00:20:52.580 And this is back when somebody had come through our town and done a bunch of, sold a bunch of glitter mining acreage and shit.

00:21:00.700 Um, you know, when they were trying to trick people into thinking glitter mining was big and all of that.

00:21:07.500 And, and me and my buddy each lost a thousand dollars and we each saved up all our money and we lost a thousand dollars.

00:21:14.940 And that actually, that might've been, was that in college?

00:21:19.120 Might've been at maybe in the first year of college.

00:21:20.800 I don't know.

00:21:21.500 But that was all the money that I had.

00:21:24.040 Um, another time I lost all my money, fell out of my pant leg.

00:21:26.920 I had it rolled up and that was at a gas station in East Texas.

00:21:29.420 And that was not in any sort of pyramid scheme.

00:21:31.940 That was just natural gravity and poor choices pretty much.

00:21:37.200 But yeah.

00:21:37.860 So if I get a certain number of people to do that hair up, you know, so now I'm on that hair hunt.

00:21:44.140 So suddenly my life's interesting, you know, I'm doing, um, you know, I might sprout a fucking eyebrow off a shoulder.

00:21:52.680 You know, I might, you know, I might spring an eyebrow off a deltoid.

00:21:57.240 You feel me?

00:21:58.160 So that's where I'm at.

00:21:59.880 That's where I'm at right now.

00:22:01.360 And I'm on that hair hunt and I'm in that hair game.

00:22:06.100 What else?

00:22:07.480 I'm trying to go to the impractical jokers tonight.

00:22:09.760 My buddy Sal Volcano.

00:22:11.260 If you look, if you haven't seen that show, they're four amazing men and they put on a great program.

00:22:15.980 So I'm excited.

00:22:16.860 I'm trying to get over there.

00:22:18.180 So we're going to get through this.

00:22:19.720 The other thing I wanted to talk about was the kneeling during the national anthem.

00:22:25.480 Take a knee, I think was the hashtag, right?

00:22:28.940 And, and I get it.

00:22:31.320 I get that you want to create awareness.

00:22:34.240 I get it.

00:22:35.540 And I think do the knee thing, do it for a game.

00:22:39.980 I mean, this isn't the first time this has happened.

00:22:42.060 Let's don't, you can look back, go, if you go Google 2016, uh, athletes taking a knee 2015,

00:22:48.480 keep going back through the years, every year, somebody, um, or a group of people.

00:22:54.160 And there's been a stance and, and I, and look, it's a good ground.

00:22:57.620 This happens every year for a few games.

00:22:59.960 Um, this is the largest we've seen it to this magnitude.

00:23:03.640 You know, I think the media blows it out of proportion.

00:23:06.220 If some guys want to take a knee, let them take a knee.

00:23:08.440 You know, that's their choice.

00:23:11.340 Um, you know, for a few weeks, I'm not going to really feel anything about them.

00:23:16.700 I think that there's better ways to get your point across.

00:23:19.820 I think that taking a knee thing is a little outdone.

00:23:23.080 You know, um, I think it's always a player that starts it.

00:23:27.620 That's kind of not that good.

00:23:30.080 Uh, Colin Kaepernick was okay.

00:23:32.220 He was good in his first year and the next two years, he was not good in the NFL.

00:23:37.060 I'm not saying he's not a good player, but he didn't do very well.

00:23:41.860 Um, you know, and so I wonder of how much of that is just him.

00:23:45.400 Like if there's some energy in there, that it's also him being disgruntled.

00:23:49.860 With that said, I think awareness that racial indiscretion and racial issues, always good.

00:23:56.440 Everybody needs to be reminded.

00:23:57.840 You know, I try and remind people that poor white people have had a fucking tough time

00:24:03.360 in America and that poor people overall have a tough time in America.

00:24:07.860 I'd rather see somebody take a knee, um, for the financial disparity in America that continues

00:24:14.520 to grow.

00:24:15.720 I'd love to see that.

00:24:16.900 I'd love somebody to see somebody take a knee for how gas stations are allowed to sell sour

00:24:22.020 milk.

00:24:23.040 You ever gotten this shit?

00:24:23.920 You go get some milk for your children and next thing, it within nine, you have 90 minutes,

00:24:29.760 dude, you have 90 minutes to use that milk.

00:24:32.960 That is the Jack Bauer of milk.

00:24:36.500 That is 90 minute Jack Bauer sauce.

00:24:39.780 That's that, that's that Jack Bauer bottle, dude.

00:24:42.340 In 90 minutes, gas station milk is going to be sour.

00:24:47.320 So you better get it into your kid's mouth, get it wherever you need to get it.

00:24:50.340 But I get taking the, I get taking the knee, you know, I get it.

00:24:54.780 Um, but I think take it against some other stuff.

00:24:57.380 How about take it against laziness, you know, take it against, um, you know, third and fourth

00:25:03.620 and fifth generation, uh, people in America just sucking off the system.

00:25:07.380 You know, I just feel like there are, it just, sometimes the, the causes just get, it gets

00:25:17.060 like I've heard it before.

00:25:18.960 You know, I'd like to just see a new novel way overall for almost any cause.

00:25:23.220 And for me, I stand for, I stand for the Pledge of Allegiance.

00:25:27.400 For me, it's not about me at all.

00:25:28.760 It's about the fact that I, uh, am blessed to live in America.

00:25:32.440 That's it.

00:25:32.920 That's what it's about for me.

00:25:33.780 Now for other people might be about something else, but I stand as long as I'm, you know,

00:25:38.320 know that it's going on.

00:25:39.560 I stand, I honor.

00:25:41.240 It's about the fact that, you know, that millions of people, you know, lost their lives, uh, so

00:25:48.600 that I could have this freedom right here, freedom of speech.

00:25:52.700 So it's crazy to, and that to me is something that's a little crazy.

00:25:57.080 It's like, you're, you're expressing your freedom of speech, but in a way that kind

00:26:03.580 of, to me seems like you are, um, are putting shade or, or casting a downward light on the

00:26:13.340 people that sacrifice their lives for it.

00:26:15.720 So to me, that's kind of how it seems, you know, so I just like to see some taking a

00:26:21.700 knee for other stuff, you know, I'd like to see a taking a knee for racial violence in

00:26:25.340 all directions.

00:26:26.740 Um, and, and the racial inequalities that everybody faces, sure.

00:26:31.000 Do it for a game or two, you know, but let's, uh, let's get, let's also play football.

00:26:35.920 Let's make it about what it is.

00:26:37.420 You know, let's, these guys are playing sports.

00:26:39.140 You work at an office, this is an office, you know, and it also is weird though, that the,

00:26:43.900 at the beginning of your office, they happen to say the Pledge of Allegiance, but I think

00:26:47.200 it's just because it's an event that gets so many people together, so many diverse groups

00:26:51.680 of Americans together that that's when they want to do it.

00:26:54.740 You know, maybe, uh, the NFL shouldn't have ever put it in, but I don't know.

00:27:00.180 It kind of, it's, it's the national anthems, the thing that they put in at the, at the beginning

00:27:03.620 of everything.

00:27:04.440 Uh, there's a neat video of one of the Pittsburgh Steelers and their team chose not to come out

00:27:09.040 of the tunnel and be involved during the national anthem at all, which I thought was

00:27:11.900 interesting.

00:27:12.440 At least they're saying we're going to, we might all stand for it, but we're going to

00:27:16.440 stand for it in our locker room.

00:27:17.860 But they had one player who had served a few military tours, uh, Villanueva was his last

00:27:23.580 name and he came out and there's a cool video of him out there by himself, um, saluting the

00:27:29.080 pledge, uh, saluting the flag and, and, uh, and listen and, and, and standing up for the

00:27:35.060 Pledge of Allegiance, you know, I live here.

00:27:37.180 I'm happy to live here.

00:27:38.260 I'm happy to be here.

00:27:39.280 Uh, I'll always, uh, I'll always stand for the pledge.

00:27:42.000 It's not about me.

00:27:43.420 Um, it's not about me.

00:27:45.040 And that's just my thoughts, man.

00:27:46.120 You can have totally different thoughts.

00:27:47.380 And if you do call me, let me know.

00:27:49.400 I want to know more about them.

00:27:50.560 Um, I'm happy to have my mind opened up as well.

00:27:53.100 All right.

00:27:53.600 We're going to have Ari Maness in studio in just a second.

00:27:56.440 Uh, we're going to read to him and have him read some of the things that people said about

00:28:00.420 him being in last time.

00:28:02.260 Uh, I'm excited.

00:28:03.120 I want to thank everybody who's been supporting through Patreon and that's patreon.com slash

00:28:08.220 Theo Vaughn.

00:28:09.360 You can donate, uh, any amount from $2, uh, to $10.

00:28:14.100 And I want to thank you to everybody.

00:28:15.380 We are almost to 50 donors.

00:28:17.380 So I'm really, really happy about that.

00:28:19.140 And I genuinely appreciate that.

00:28:21.500 I'm excited.

00:28:22.560 The money's going right back into the podcast.

00:28:24.020 We're going to do some neat things.

00:28:25.940 Okay.

00:28:26.420 We'll be right back with Ari Maness back in studio, uh, reading some of the comments that

00:28:31.360 people made about him.

00:28:32.360 And this isn't to shame anyone that made them.

00:28:34.740 Uh, this is just to kind of get into that space of what that's like.

00:28:38.000 All right.

00:28:39.520 This past weekend.

00:28:43.140 By now, everyone knows that dollar shave club ships amazing razors for a few bucks,

00:28:49.880 a few buckaroos.

00:28:51.780 I've been a member for a while.

00:28:53.340 That's true.

00:28:54.180 And I love my shave.

00:28:56.060 I'm not fully shorn right now, but you know, I love it when I am.

00:29:00.700 What you might not know is that dollar shave club also has products for pretty much everything

00:29:03.960 else I need in the bathroom.

00:29:05.580 Body wash, shampoo, hair gel, lip balm, everything lip balm.

00:29:12.380 As soon as I heard dollar shave club had other stuff than razors, I was sold at the store.

00:29:17.120 There are too many options.

00:29:18.040 You can't tell the difference between any of them.

00:29:20.180 What is this?

00:29:21.020 Is this shaving cream?

00:29:22.560 Is this a hat?

00:29:24.300 And if you have any questions, the clerk doesn't know.

00:29:26.900 Most of the clerks are only working there because the court assigned them.

00:29:30.740 So if you're like me and you're sick of the nonsense at the store, now's the time to try

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00:29:59.540 That's dollar shave club dot com slash weekend for $5 off the starter set.

00:30:06.160 Check it out.

00:30:07.640 Ari Manis is back here, guys.

00:30:09.600 Ari, how are you?

00:30:10.820 I'm good.

00:30:11.780 You know, I've had a week to recover and do my own thing and fun weekend.

00:30:18.300 Have you?

00:30:18.600 It's great.

00:30:19.040 What about this, man?

00:30:20.240 I'm going to play this for you right now.

00:30:21.360 All right.

00:30:21.540 Just listen up.

00:30:22.820 One of the reasons that I love your show and probably a lot of the other people that

00:30:27.800 love your show is it feels like you're talking to us.

00:30:33.920 You know, it feels like it's just you and us in the room or in the car or whatever.

00:30:42.040 Wherever people are listening.

00:30:44.320 Hey, CEO, constructive criticism.

00:30:46.900 Constructive being the key word.

00:30:48.260 I love your work.

00:30:49.460 If you're going to have a sidekick, just make sure the sidekick knows he's a sidekick and

00:30:54.160 not a co-host.

00:30:55.060 It's the old 80-20 rule, right?

00:30:56.980 I mean, 80% CEO, 20% sidekick.

00:31:01.420 People come to your channel to see you.

00:31:04.140 Again, nothing wrong with Ari.

00:31:06.660 Okay.

00:31:07.760 A couple of call-ins right there that I got.

00:31:09.480 Those were fine.

00:31:12.360 Those are, like they said, constructive criticism.

00:31:15.080 No, I appreciate it.

00:31:15.720 Those guys didn't sound like they hate me.

00:31:17.100 Nope.

00:31:17.340 The one guy was just like, we are here for Theo.

00:31:19.600 And the next guy was like, nothing again, sorry.

00:31:21.880 So I appreciate that.

00:31:23.220 Yeah.

00:31:23.400 And I think there's some truth to that.

00:31:24.820 Maybe I talked a little too much.

00:31:26.120 I don't know.

00:31:26.860 I haven't actually gone back and re-listened.

00:31:29.380 Okay.

00:31:30.000 The ones that got to me were the YouTube comments.

00:31:34.320 Okay.

00:31:35.080 YouTubers.

00:31:35.540 Do you got any of those?

00:31:36.560 Yeah, I have one right here.

00:31:38.640 Here, why don't you read it?

00:31:39.840 It's the top one on this one from a guy, Aura Glasswork.

00:31:42.940 Sounds Jewish, actually.

00:31:44.700 So let's see what he has to say.

00:31:46.880 He said, oh, okay.

00:31:49.260 Dude is a wacky piece of shit.

00:31:50.980 Who gives a fuck if your girl buys a lamp?

00:31:53.220 Grow the fuck up.

00:31:54.240 Douche hat.

00:31:55.300 Yeah.

00:31:55.760 And by dude, he meant you.

00:31:56.920 I'm guessing.

00:31:58.080 Yeah, I think he meant me as well.

00:32:00.280 Yeah.

00:32:00.800 You know, and I think that was one of the more popular comments on the video too.

00:32:05.180 That hurt as well.

00:32:06.440 Is some of these video comments, you know, you're always going to get the haters.

00:32:10.000 Right.

00:32:10.120 But when the number one comment is a negative thing about myself, that makes me go, wow,

00:32:15.740 the whole world just doesn't like me.

00:32:18.580 Well, do you feel like the whole world doesn't?

00:32:20.240 Do you feel like it's just these people?

00:32:21.700 Or this whole world.

00:32:23.020 Okay.

00:32:23.180 So you felt like it was when that dude said, read it one more time?

00:32:29.780 Dude is a wacky piece of shit.

00:32:32.520 Who gives a fuck if your girl buys a lamp?

00:32:34.960 Grow the fuck up, douche hat.

00:32:36.480 And then there was a little hat symbol.

00:32:38.180 Yeah.

00:32:38.480 After the douche hat.

00:32:38.800 I think I did have a good bit of pluses on the thing.

00:32:41.220 Yeah.

00:32:42.140 And, you know, that one, you know, you know what?

00:32:46.120 That one was funny.

00:32:47.520 He said the word douche hat.

00:32:48.800 Douche hat was pretty good at the end.

00:32:49.960 And I remember there was an emoji on it.

00:32:52.360 He had a point behind it.

00:32:54.100 Yeah.

00:32:54.980 So that, and that's the other thing that hurts a little bit too, is it's not haters.

00:33:03.560 It's, they have a little truth behind them.

00:33:06.380 I see.

00:33:06.760 Each one, you know what I mean?

00:33:07.740 It's not just someone saying, you suck.

00:33:09.900 Right.

00:33:10.300 Because that I could ignore.

00:33:10.680 Did you feel like a douche?

00:33:13.100 Did you feel like a douche when you were here?

00:33:15.420 Would you honestly feel like?

00:33:16.360 Well, I was here, I was just, it was just me and you.

00:33:18.920 I was being me.

00:33:20.220 Yeah.

00:33:20.740 You were being you.

00:33:21.780 Yeah.

00:33:21.980 And I felt fine.

00:33:23.320 I wasn't trying to be funny.

00:33:24.620 I didn't walk away feeling like I was this funny guy.

00:33:27.700 Yeah.

00:33:27.860 But I, you know, I didn't feel obstructive.

00:33:31.160 And so, yeah, that morning when I, when it came out and I'm reading the comments, it

00:33:35.820 stung a little bit, but.

00:33:37.920 Yeah.

00:33:38.060 Because I spoke with you that evening for a few minutes on the phone.

00:33:39.980 And I just said, I said, look, I called you.

00:33:42.360 I said, man, don't, you know, don't let your feelings get hurt.

00:33:45.160 You know, just keep your head up.

00:33:46.720 We'll, you know, think about it.

00:33:48.580 Yeah.

00:33:48.920 And, and, you know, if I'm, if I'm patting myself on the back, if I'm cheering myself

00:33:53.000 up, I got to think you did 40 something episodes by yourself.

00:33:57.140 Yeah.

00:33:57.680 And then I come in.

00:33:58.840 Yeah.

00:33:59.220 They don't even see me.

00:34:00.560 Yeah.

00:34:00.840 And it's weird.

00:34:01.220 And I didn't really tell them.

00:34:01.940 I know we talked about it.

00:34:03.080 Yeah.

00:34:03.520 Well, I had a lot of fans that have said, look, let's, let's get somebody in here.

00:34:06.660 You know, let's try and, you know, they want to try something new.

00:34:09.280 And so that's what I'm trying.

00:34:10.520 Yeah, exactly.

00:34:11.180 So, so it was a lot of change and I don't take it too personally.

00:34:15.700 And I realize, uh, you know, when you put yourself out on this public forum like this

00:34:21.380 on YouTube, you have to be ready for this kind of thing.

00:34:24.140 You got to be ready for the hate to come in sometimes.

00:34:26.580 This went together like a mayonnaise and jelly sandwich.

00:34:29.500 You need to look for your peanut butter.

00:34:31.040 So that's, and that's from Chucky Duncan.

00:34:33.580 I didn't see that one.

00:34:34.440 And I used to actually, uh, push buggies with a dude named, uh, Chucky.

00:34:38.780 And this was down at, um, this was down in, uh, at a Winn-Dixie or an A&P store.

00:34:46.780 Could it be that guy?

00:34:48.260 No, this kid's name was Chucky, dude.

00:34:49.960 And his big trick was, some of the parking lot was kind of downhill, right?

00:34:53.680 So he would get at the high end and he would get in one of the, uh, he would get in, um,

00:34:59.260 like the back buggy, he'd get a big line of buggies and he'd get in the back one, right?

00:35:03.300 So at the back, like almost the, you know, the caboose.

00:35:06.180 Yeah.

00:35:06.920 And he'd light himself a cigarette and he would just, he'd get the whole line going.

00:35:11.180 I mean, pretty quickly kind of going downhill in this parking lot.

00:35:14.400 And then he just smoked the cigarette the whole way down like a train, pretending he was

00:35:17.680 like a train.

00:35:18.680 And then he would just kind of coast them all into the grass.

00:35:20.900 He had dreams.

00:35:21.660 He wanted to be a, what's the word called?

00:35:24.060 Train.

00:35:24.760 Train.

00:35:25.000 But it's anticlimactic a little bit.

00:35:26.580 But anyhow, I like the setup with the sidekick.

00:35:28.580 Gives a little bit of a different flow.

00:35:30.240 That was no lucky strike sent that in.

00:35:32.200 Yeah.

00:35:32.380 There was a few positive ones.

00:35:33.780 I got a few tweets saying we liked you.

00:35:36.040 I got a few messages on my Instagram.

00:35:38.220 So it wasn't all negative.

00:35:39.500 It was just mostly negative.

00:35:40.860 No more co-host.

00:35:41.960 No real opinions.

00:35:42.900 Just trying to impress Theo.

00:35:44.780 Was I trying?

00:35:45.300 I didn't feel like I was trying to impress you too much.

00:35:47.440 Only one person knows, dude.

00:35:48.980 Yeah.

00:35:49.920 Me.

00:35:50.120 Yeah.

00:35:50.740 Yeah.

00:35:51.000 I wasn't trying to impress.

00:35:51.660 No, I think there's an element where you want to best be of service to the podcast.

00:35:58.080 And that's one reason why I wanted to like, you know, I've had other people that I've thought

00:36:02.400 about, oh, maybe we need to try them out.

00:36:04.360 Totally.

00:36:04.520 Sidekick, see how it goes.

00:36:05.960 Yeah.

00:36:06.740 And that's really what I was trying to do is just be of service.

00:36:09.160 And I think the one thing I did do of service, besides the technical aspects of things, is

00:36:15.120 I set it up great for the next guy.

00:36:17.680 Yeah.

00:36:18.000 You know, they're going to be like, not worse than Ari.

00:36:20.660 That's true.

00:36:21.040 But it was like, yeah, I think whoever's on next is going to have it a lot easier.

00:36:27.440 Yeah.

00:36:27.700 For sure, no matter who it is.

00:36:29.100 But yeah, look, we talked about it.

00:36:31.700 Yeah.

00:36:31.800 And we said, we're going to try this out.

00:36:34.100 Yeah, we're trying it out.

00:36:35.300 We don't know how it's going to be.

00:36:36.820 Yeah.

00:36:37.160 You know, I don't expect this to be an every single week type of deal.

00:36:42.760 This is your show.

00:36:43.520 You have to get rid of that dude.

00:36:45.420 That was another one.

00:36:46.400 That was the whole thing?

00:36:47.720 Yeah.

00:36:48.400 See, that one, there's nothing behind it.

00:36:51.460 See, those are the ones that are like, oh, come on, at least give me something.

00:36:55.840 At least give me a chance.

00:36:57.080 Yeah.

00:36:57.620 Or give me some notes.

00:36:58.900 Can this fucking sidekick guy interrupt you anymore?

00:37:02.600 And I also, I put my own intonations on that sentence.

00:37:05.540 But that's what was written by Brandon Gray.

00:37:08.200 The concept could work if the side piece knows their place and doesn't get too damn frisky with the mic.

00:37:12.920 Huh.

00:37:13.980 I guess, it's weird too.

00:37:15.480 I didn't, when I left, I didn't think, oh, I was talking the whole time.

00:37:20.020 I guess I talked a lot for a sidekick.

00:37:23.080 I don't know.

00:37:23.660 But I didn't feel like I was interrupting you and taking over the show.

00:37:28.340 But I guess maybe I did.

00:37:30.260 Well, we didn't know.

00:37:31.060 We didn't know what it was going to be.

00:37:32.660 And we still don't know.

00:37:34.600 But I do know that this time we decided we're going to have Ari come in.

00:37:37.500 We're going to address this.

00:37:38.900 We're going to talk about some of these comments.

00:37:40.340 We're talking about it.

00:37:40.920 Yeah.

00:37:41.180 See how you felt.

00:37:41.820 And then we're going to have Ari take over the news.

00:37:44.300 And that's what we're going to get into right now.

00:37:46.220 Ari's going to throw up some topics.

00:37:47.780 We're going to get into them.

00:37:49.340 Let's get into that, Ari.

00:37:51.220 This is the first story I got.

00:37:53.680 Virginia woman bitten by a copperhead snake inside a Longhorn steakhouse.

00:37:59.880 Ooh, man.

00:38:01.000 Is it okay that I am a little bit fucking turned on right now?

00:38:03.980 Yeah.

00:38:04.660 She's cute, actually.

00:38:05.540 A lot of hotties work at Longhorn usually, dude.

00:38:07.560 Yeah.

00:38:07.880 If the manager's a good dude, he hires hot chicks and puts them in there.

00:38:11.800 Boots.

00:38:12.240 And they come and they beat this saddle.

00:38:13.700 They have this thing where when it's somebody's birthday, they drag.

00:38:18.160 My sister used to work there, dude.

00:38:21.260 Your sister worked at the Longhorn Steakhouse?

00:38:23.660 Not the one in Virginia.

00:38:24.980 But she used to work there.

00:38:26.120 And so they would drag this saddle out of the back, dude.

00:38:28.040 It is so bizarre.

00:38:29.200 It's like, you know, some of those places have the birthday song.

00:38:31.720 You know, it's like, you know, happy birthday to you, you know?

00:38:37.160 Yeah.

00:38:37.620 And then at Longhorn, they drag this old saddle out of the back, right?

00:38:42.100 And it's got like mayonnaise stains on it and stuff.

00:38:44.200 It's a straight bust, right?

00:38:46.120 You know, like the manager's been just plowing chicks on it after work, right?

00:38:49.700 It's a real just, it's basically kind of like, it's so like handicapped kids, I think,

00:38:54.200 can like pretend that they can go on a horse kind of thing, you know?

00:38:57.440 So I don't know.

00:38:58.080 I guess they get like a whole bunch of these.

00:38:59.500 The company does Longhorn and then they give one to each place from like, you know,

00:39:03.520 maybe one of those handicapped camps or something, summer camps that went out of business.

00:39:06.920 So then they get these and they drag it out of the back and they sit you on it, whoever's

00:39:10.920 birthday it is, and they put like streamers and shit on you.

00:39:13.780 They put a cowboy hat on you, put like a lasso on you, and then they sing happy birthday

00:39:18.080 to you.

00:39:19.140 And that's what happens at those kind of places.

00:39:21.160 So I just want to give you some context.

00:39:22.820 And my sister worked there for a while.

00:39:24.620 Yeah.

00:39:24.860 And then she said she wanted to get into acting because she thought she was good at that.

00:39:29.880 Because that job made her feel good about acting?

00:39:32.500 Yeah.

00:39:32.800 Like she thought just because she put on these shows, she's like, well, I'm doing, this

00:39:36.160 is her, she's like, I'm doing shows at work.

00:39:39.100 So I'm thinking about maybe getting some headshots taken.

00:39:41.660 And I'm like, and that's where I realized that my sister and I have this divide that

00:39:45.520 we'll never be able to mentally get on the same page, you know?

00:39:49.780 Because I'm not denouncing her, but I'm just saying you don't spend the $250, $300 on

00:39:54.700 headshots because you're singing happy birthday to people at a Longhorn Steakhouse.

00:39:59.020 Right.

00:39:59.660 That's not show work.

00:40:00.820 Maybe sign up for an acting class.

00:40:02.200 Maybe it made you realize you enjoy that kind of thing.

00:40:04.520 Yeah.

00:40:04.620 You take a smaller step.

00:40:05.640 Yeah.

00:40:05.980 Okay.

00:40:06.380 So what happened there?

00:40:07.880 I want to read that headline again.

00:40:09.140 Do you mind one more time?

00:40:09.880 Yeah, sure.

00:40:10.320 Virginia woman bitten by copperhead snake inside a Longhorn Steakhouse.

00:40:17.140 And what happened was she was going there to eat.

00:40:20.420 She felt something bite her foot.

00:40:22.920 She reaches down and it's a baby copperhead snake.

00:40:26.880 And luckily, her boyfriend used to breed reptiles.

00:40:31.100 So he knew exactly what to do.

00:40:32.900 He took the snake out.

00:40:34.000 He knew what kind it was.

00:40:35.660 He killed the snake.

00:40:36.840 He called the paramedics.

00:40:37.900 He said, my girl just got bitten by a baby copperhead.

00:40:40.700 You got to get her.

00:40:41.780 They come pick her up.

00:40:42.900 They take her to the hospital.

00:40:43.740 They give her some anti-venom.

00:40:45.200 Is that hazing?

00:40:46.060 I feel like this is hazing because they're shutting fraternities down for this same type of

00:40:49.020 shit.

00:40:50.220 You know?

00:40:51.020 Yeah.

00:40:51.320 I mean, in a way, you know, they're biting or animals are out there.

00:40:54.360 They have raccoons or something.

00:40:55.940 Bit some kids in the nuts down there in University of South Carolina or something a couple years

00:40:59.900 ago.

00:41:00.980 And they're, you know, I don't know.

00:41:04.380 I mean, I guess it's wild when you when you mix animals with humanity.

00:41:08.540 It's wild.

00:41:09.420 Anything can happen.

00:41:10.220 And is this the kind of place that says that they have any sort of petting in there or

00:41:12.860 any animals in there regularly or no?

00:41:14.520 That's the thing.

00:41:15.240 It's just a regular Longhorn Steakhouse.

00:41:17.620 There was no animals supposed to be in there.

00:41:20.160 Yeah.

00:41:20.360 And they just got this.

00:41:21.000 I wonder, I wonder if they're liable for any sort of thing.

00:41:24.060 Cool little reptile story.

00:41:25.400 Yeah, it is, man.

00:41:26.180 I mean, it definitely, it makes you a little more excited to be at a Longhorn Steakhouse.

00:41:30.100 Yeah.

00:41:30.760 Because I feel like the environment in there is kind of mundane.

00:41:32.980 Well, for sure, it makes you wear closed-toed shoes.

00:41:34.960 Yeah.

00:41:35.480 You don't go into a Longhorn Steakhouse after reading the story with sandals on.

00:41:39.300 Fucking idiot.

00:41:39.740 And you look down.

00:41:40.560 You should look down and watch where you're walking.

00:41:42.700 Dude, I don't eat in sandals, bro.

00:41:44.320 And to me, that's a little bit homoerotic.

00:41:45.760 That's like wearing shorts to church.

00:41:51.060 When I see a guy's knees in church, dude, I'm out, bro.

00:41:55.180 All right, next.

00:41:56.160 Next story.

00:41:57.420 A cafe is giving its customers water soakers to shoot pigeons because it's fed up of being

00:42:04.220 besieged.

00:42:05.880 I don't know if I read that last word right.

00:42:07.680 I just want to get the animal story out of the way.

00:42:09.460 Besieged.

00:42:09.900 And I guess animals pooping or out there eating.

00:42:14.660 And that's the thing amazing that's about pigeons, that they have the capacity to shit

00:42:18.580 and eat at like a – like it's like – it's almost like one way or the other.

00:42:24.700 It's like they're either taking something in their mouth or they're shitting.

00:42:27.220 There's no downtime.

00:42:29.380 Yeah, there's not a whole lot of downtime.

00:42:31.320 Yeah.

00:42:31.460 I mean, I've seen videos of people putting Alka-Seltzer and feeding that to pigeons

00:42:36.220 and watching the birds explode.

00:42:37.980 Yeah.

00:42:38.420 So, I mean, this is pretty – I'm okay with shooting a pigeon with a water gun to get

00:42:43.280 rid of them.

00:42:44.060 Yeah, my father, when I was growing up, they had a – he used to pay this black man named

00:42:48.400 Stoop.

00:42:50.520 And he – well, the nickname was Stoop.

00:42:56.120 He stood – he had one of his legs a little shorter than the other.

00:42:58.640 So he would stand on this stoop, you know, on a little bit of a stoop, and he would stand

00:43:02.240 there all day to make him look even.

00:43:04.240 So if you're just driving by, he looks even.

00:43:05.860 Now, if you know him and you get up there and talk to him close, you realize that he's

00:43:08.840 uneven.

00:43:10.060 But my father used to pay him to take us to lunch.

00:43:13.580 My dad used to work at this little shop, and when my dad had to watch us, he'd pay this

00:43:17.600 man to take us to lunch, get hot dogs.

00:43:19.840 And pigeons would always attack him in the park.

00:43:22.400 Because there was a period in Louisiana, I feel like, where honestly, I don't think

00:43:25.200 pigeons – I don't know if somebody's racially training these pigeons or not, but they

00:43:29.020 were attacking a lot of black people.

00:43:30.380 Really?

00:43:30.920 Yeah.

00:43:31.800 Or if black people were being mean to them, you know, at night, and that you weren't

00:43:35.500 seeing that part of it, and then just during the day, the pigeons were striking back.

00:43:38.460 I think whatever, you have to realize pigeons are smarter than we think, because I didn't

00:43:41.640 know pigeons could do that, could be racist.

00:43:44.540 Yeah.

00:43:44.920 I mean, I think it's just enough.

00:43:46.460 It's like that cause and effect thing.

00:43:48.100 Yeah.

00:43:48.180 You know, it's like – and I think it's – you know, I guess it was happening a lot.

00:43:52.420 I don't know.

00:43:53.160 I don't know exactly what was happening.

00:43:54.680 But I could see somebody who's either training pigeons to be racist, or those are the only

00:43:57.800 two things I could think that would be occurring, is somebody's training them to be racist.

00:44:01.060 Because you can train birds.

00:44:02.620 Yeah.

00:44:03.200 They have birds doing all kinds of stuff.

00:44:05.100 Think about something that birds do.

00:44:06.520 They deliver messages.

00:44:08.300 Boom.

00:44:08.580 That's pretty smart.

00:44:09.240 Yeah.

00:44:09.720 Birds deliver messages.

00:44:10.740 Birds – they're using bird organs in other – in transplants, the bird tissue in the

00:44:18.580 people.

00:44:19.320 They made somebody something out of part of a bird recently.

00:44:22.780 It makes sense.

00:44:23.440 They have great eyesight.

00:44:24.500 They could scout little rodents from up in the sky.

00:44:27.260 That's – and some of their eyes are so small.

00:44:29.360 Think about how acute their eyes must be.

00:44:31.660 They must be – yeah, they have great eyes, so that would make sense that they could easily

00:44:34.920 distinguish colors of people.

00:44:36.500 Bird's eye view – how strong is a bird's eye?

00:44:41.020 That's a great question, dude.

00:44:42.200 Oh, it depends on the bird.

00:44:43.620 Bird vision.

00:44:46.200 Here it says right here, man, and I'm going to – I'll use Wikipedia, dude, as my source

00:44:51.860 of –

00:44:51.900 Yeah, most of the time that shit's right.

00:44:53.700 Sometimes it's all.

00:44:54.340 Vision is the most important sense for birds, since good eyesight is essential for safe flight,

00:44:59.320 and this group has a number of adaptations which give visual actual superiority to that

00:45:03.640 of other vertebrae groups.

00:45:04.700 A pigeon has been described as two eyes with wings.

00:45:09.800 So that right there tells you pigeons are in that – you know, they're about that life.

00:45:15.980 And I could – so anyway, but yeah, these pigeons would attack this man when he would

00:45:18.980 take us to lunch a lot of times, and it got to the point where he couldn't take us to

00:45:22.020 lunch anymore than in the French Quarter, because in the French Quarter, there's a lot

00:45:25.020 of pigeons down there.

00:45:25.780 Yeah, it's not even worth going to lunch with a guy if you're just going to get shat on

00:45:29.260 by pigeons the whole time.

00:45:30.440 At some point, you're just like, I'm going to go get lunch by myself.

00:45:32.560 Yeah.

00:45:33.720 All right.

00:45:34.400 I think that takes care of our news.

00:45:35.940 That's the news, baby.

00:45:36.900 Ari, I want you to stay for this first caller, man.

00:45:39.460 Okay.

00:45:39.800 I'm excited about this, and I want you to stay for this first caller.

00:45:42.780 Sounds like a plan.

00:45:43.580 Yeah.

00:45:43.800 Let's get to it right now.

00:45:45.000 Can you hear the calls, too, on your audio?

00:45:47.080 I think so.

00:45:47.900 Okay.

00:45:48.260 Great, man.

00:45:48.880 All right.

00:45:49.100 Let's take this one in.

00:45:49.860 Here we go.

00:45:50.260 Hey, Theo.

00:45:52.200 Got a caller from Albuquerque, New Mexico.

00:45:55.240 I'll leave my name out.

00:45:56.600 So, my girlfriend's friend, a couple months ago, I'd say.

00:46:01.920 Now, Albuquerque, New Mexico, that's Dreamcatcher Country.

00:46:04.880 You've been over there?

00:46:05.600 I went to high school in Roswell, New Mexico, a couple hours away.

00:46:08.720 Did you really?

00:46:09.200 By the aliens?

00:46:09.560 Yeah, I went to a military high school over there.

00:46:11.900 Did you really?

00:46:12.540 So, I spent a lot of time in Albuquerque.

00:46:14.160 Yeah.

00:46:15.160 My parents and I didn't get along, so they sent me away to a bad boy school.

00:46:19.560 Bro, that adds a way creepy level to you.

00:46:21.700 I didn't know that.

00:46:22.300 So, you were out there by the aliens.

00:46:23.400 Yeah.

00:46:23.680 I was over there in alien country a couple years.

00:46:25.500 All right.

00:46:25.820 Let's get into this call.

00:46:26.620 So, this guy's calling from Albuquerque.

00:46:29.580 I'll leave my name out.

00:46:30.620 So, my girlfriend's friend, a couple months ago, I'd say, out of nowhere, she's posting

00:46:37.840 pictures on her Facebook with a whole bunch of money.

00:46:40.700 So, my girl decides to message her and ask her, you know, hey, how'd you come up on

00:46:46.200 all this?

00:46:46.820 She got a new car.

00:46:48.020 She got a new purse.

00:46:50.620 And the girl tells her.

00:46:52.920 How'd you come up in that loot, huh?

00:46:54.520 Stripping.

00:46:55.320 Yeah.

00:46:55.740 And that's my first thought.

00:46:56.900 Yeah.

00:46:57.440 Is stripping.

00:46:58.020 And I hate to think that about girls, but that's an okay thing to think.

00:47:01.980 Okay.

00:47:03.020 There's this dude on Snapchat giving money away.

00:47:06.080 He's having little contests.

00:47:07.600 If you guess how fat his friend is, on the dot, you get $10,000.

00:47:14.520 I mean, go on.

00:47:15.860 That's a cool contest.

00:47:18.200 I mean, it is.

00:47:18.800 I'd give it a shot.

00:47:19.720 It is a great contest.

00:47:20.960 It's like when they used to do those, you count the jelly beans in the bin.

00:47:23.960 Yeah.

00:47:24.280 It's kind of like that.

00:47:25.160 But now you got to count the eternal jelly beans in a human's physical system.

00:47:30.380 How fat my friend is, you get $10,000.

00:47:34.180 Yeah.

00:47:34.620 Onward.

00:47:35.020 So she adds him, you know.

00:47:37.660 We try a few times.

00:47:39.040 We almost win a couple times, but.

00:47:42.020 I want to know what his guesses are so bad.

00:47:44.580 I want to see a picture of this dude.

00:47:45.920 Yes.

00:47:46.820 I'm going to have to text this guy, and I'm going to see if I can add this in on YouTube

00:47:50.340 or get a picture of the fat friend.

00:47:52.320 Onward.

00:47:53.080 Dude notices that my girl's a licker.

00:47:54.880 And he slides into her DMs asking if she wants to really make some money that she could, you know, give him a night of her time for, wait for it, 100 G's.

00:48:10.460 Ooh.

00:48:11.520 And what about the fat friend?

00:48:12.740 I guess he's out at this point.

00:48:14.060 I guess.

00:48:14.620 Yeah.

00:48:14.880 I wonder what his involvement is with all, does he know what's going on?

00:48:18.040 Oh, that's called the fat and switch, dude.

00:48:19.680 When you put your fat friend out there and then you wheel him in the back and you offer up that 100 grand.

00:48:24.520 So now the guy's offering 100 grand to be with the guy's girlfriend.

00:48:28.780 Wow.

00:48:29.080 Yeah.

00:48:29.500 They made a movie about this in the 80s.

00:48:31.080 Onward.

00:48:31.760 100 K.

00:48:33.180 One night of her time.

00:48:35.280 You know.

00:48:36.220 At first we laugh.

00:48:37.820 Start researching this dude.

00:48:39.440 He's having dinners with Diddy.

00:48:41.280 All kinds of big names.

00:48:43.560 And not going to lie, we considered it.

00:48:47.520 You know, but I decided that's the definition of selling your soul, you know.

00:48:53.260 So, you know, we declined.

00:48:55.180 But I told her, you know, let's see how much you could really get out of this guy.

00:48:59.520 Flirting a little bit.

00:49:01.680 Yeah.

00:49:02.640 Let's see, huh?

00:49:03.980 Yeah.

00:49:04.860 So a couple weeks go by after we kind of squashed that, had some fun with it, and then we kind of just forgot about it.

00:49:11.960 About a month later, he hits her up, tells her he's going to be in Albuquerque.

00:49:16.020 Aha.

00:49:17.420 Oh, I just happened to be passing through Albuquerque.

00:49:19.920 Yeah, like that's a real common thing.

00:49:21.780 I'm just rolling through the Kirk.

00:49:23.300 Does that ever happen?

00:49:24.440 I don't think.

00:49:25.160 Not that I know of.

00:49:25.980 I know I would have never gone there if it wasn't for military school.

00:49:29.080 Yeah, dude.

00:49:29.600 They had to build a military school to even get people to come and check the joint out, dude.

00:49:34.780 Mark Maron's from Albuquerque.

00:49:35.860 Is he really?

00:49:36.480 Yeah, side note.

00:49:37.280 That actually doesn't even surprise me.

00:49:40.040 He seems like a desolate kid from Albuquerque.

00:49:43.480 All right.

00:49:44.120 Let's hear the end of this here.

00:49:46.180 He upped his offer to $300,000.

00:49:51.900 And, you know, we're kind of solid on our stance of not taking the money, but damn, Theo, I just want your opinion on this type of situation.

00:50:02.760 We both got a lot of student loans.

00:50:04.280 But, yeah, man, let me know.

00:50:08.500 Love the podcast.

00:50:09.980 Wow.

00:50:10.420 And I didn't mean to cut you off there, bud.

00:50:11.680 I appreciate you calling.

00:50:13.340 There was a movie, Indecent Proposal, and that was A Billionaire Offers a Million Dollars to a Young Married Couple for One Night with the Wife.

00:50:22.740 So this guy, I mean, that's, so I guess that's happening.

00:50:25.640 Talking about, this sounds very Saudi Arabian to me.

00:50:28.220 Yeah, like a prince.

00:50:29.440 Did you feel that?

00:50:30.860 Not until you just said it.

00:50:32.360 Yeah.

00:50:32.620 But, yeah, totally.

00:50:33.580 And that might be racism by me.

00:50:35.200 But when I first heard this, I was like, oh, I know who's the kind of guy that's doing this.

00:50:39.760 Like, I see it out here a lot.

00:50:41.120 Yeah, it's like a Middle Eastern prince.

00:50:42.900 Yes.

00:50:43.680 Because, I mean, that's a lot of money, too.

00:50:46.280 $300,000?

00:50:47.740 They message Instagram models.

00:50:49.140 I met an Instagram model, and she's like, yeah, I get messages from princes all the time trying to fly me out there.

00:50:53.880 Really?

00:50:54.480 Mm-hmm.

00:50:54.960 Yeah.

00:50:55.540 But, I mean, $300,000, that's a lot.

00:50:57.080 That's.

00:50:57.960 I give him props for turning that down.

00:51:00.580 That'd be hard to turn down, especially, like he said, he didn't have a lot of money.

00:51:03.960 He has student debt.

00:51:05.660 Yeah.

00:51:06.120 Yeah.

00:51:06.500 He must really love that girl, so I hope they're still together and doing good.

00:51:09.580 That's cool.

00:51:10.160 Well, look, I appreciate you calling in, bud.

00:51:11.900 It's a cool, it's a, I don't want to say it's cool.

00:51:14.440 I mean, it's a story.

00:51:15.400 It's a real thing.

00:51:16.020 I mean, I was at the comedy store last night, and there's this guy I could see at the end.

00:51:19.520 The guy wanted to take a photo with me as I'm leaving, right?

00:51:21.560 Just, you know, it doesn't happen to me all the time.

00:51:23.940 Happens to me sometimes there.

00:51:25.100 I've just been on stage, blah, blah, blah.

00:51:27.440 So, I'm doing that, and I can tell that the girl he's with, like, they don't know each other that well.

00:51:33.140 There's just this vibe.

00:51:34.060 Like, what's kind of the situation here, you know?

00:51:36.220 And then I could see it's one of these sugar models or, you know, these websites where you pay a couple hundred bucks.

00:51:43.600 You take the girl out for the night.

00:51:45.260 Sex isn't guaranteed.

00:51:46.320 It could happen.

00:51:47.240 There might be more to it.

00:51:48.900 And, man, there's a lot of girls out here caught up in that business.

00:51:51.720 Yeah.

00:51:52.720 It's a tough town, man.

00:51:54.220 It's a tough town, but also, like, I mean, I could be out there sucking dick, you know?

00:51:58.700 I'm an eight.

00:51:59.740 I'm an eight with a decent, you know, future possible.

00:52:03.520 It's getting better each week.

00:52:04.760 I got the mullet.

00:52:05.540 I got the – my mullet is about to be in the front of my head.

00:52:08.720 People don't realize the magic.

00:52:10.340 I'm going to look like a lion, you know?

00:52:12.400 You already do, man.

00:52:13.560 Even if the middle falls out, I'm still going to have this beautiful front row right here.

00:52:18.720 But, you know, these are people's daughters out here doing this.

00:52:23.540 I don't know what it is that causes – these girls are, I think, mostly broken girls, broken women.

00:52:29.580 They're coming to L.A., maybe pursuing modeling or acting.

00:52:32.300 They want the easy ride.

00:52:34.920 Yeah, they're lazy.

00:52:35.660 Yeah, they're lazy.

00:52:36.360 And until that easy jackpot hits, they're kind of selling themselves on the Internet a little bit.

00:52:42.620 Yeah.

00:52:42.760 And, you know, it's tough.

00:52:46.000 It's tough to judge them for it, but I don't – you know, it's hard to respect someone fully when they do that sort of business.

00:52:53.900 I worry about some women getting confused by empowerment, you know?

00:52:59.800 They're like, okay, I'm supposed to be empowered.

00:53:01.780 I'm supposed to, like, you know, control my body and own it.

00:53:05.460 And so, therefore, if I'm selling my own body, then that's just me being in control.

00:53:11.000 It's like the same thing a guy would do.

00:53:12.900 Yeah.

00:53:13.360 You know?

00:53:14.080 A guy would go bang women for money, of course.

00:53:16.220 So, I'm just wondering, like, what the psyche is behind some of this.

00:53:19.220 Yeah, it's tough.

00:53:20.000 But I couldn't.

00:53:21.320 For me, I thought about that.

00:53:22.560 I was thinking about that, and I was like, if someone offered me $1,000 to have sex with her, I don't even think I could do it unless she was hot.

00:53:30.120 But if she was hot, she wouldn't be offering me that kind of money.

00:53:32.460 The type of person, the type of guys that are on that site are not good-looking guys.

00:53:37.860 They're gross guys.

00:53:39.080 So, it's like.

00:53:40.140 What would you do if you're this kid?

00:53:42.160 It depends on how much you love the girl, I guess.

00:53:44.760 You know?

00:53:45.080 If it's a new relationship, $150,000, if you could walk away with that.

00:53:50.020 That's saying they split it 50-50.

00:53:51.620 I don't know what their arrangement would have been when they discussed it.

00:53:54.200 Would she get more than 50 because she's doing most of the work?

00:53:56.940 That's a good question.

00:53:57.660 I don't know, but let's say it's 50-50.

00:54:00.460 For $150,000, I would have to really love the girl not to want to do that.

00:54:06.320 I think I'd have to really care about her, and it sounds like he did.

00:54:08.740 It sounds like that was a serious relationship.

00:54:11.260 So, I give him props for being able to say no to that kind of money.

00:54:16.600 Yeah.

00:54:16.880 Because you could do a lot with $150,000 or $300,000.

00:54:20.540 So, but yeah, me personally, I would take the money.

00:54:23.580 Yeah, I don't know.

00:54:24.860 It's a wild call, man.

00:54:26.760 Yeah, it is.

00:54:27.760 That's a wild call.

00:54:29.700 We're going to get into a few of the rest of them in just a second.

00:54:32.640 We're going to say bye to Ari Manis.

00:54:34.380 See you guys.

00:54:34.940 Thanks for having me on, Theo.

00:54:35.860 Yeah, man.

00:54:36.340 Will you come back next week maybe and help with the news?

00:54:38.620 Let's see what people think.

00:54:39.580 Yeah, yeah.

00:54:39.980 Let's see what happens after this week.

00:54:41.980 You know, and I appreciate you putting it out there a little bit.

00:54:44.360 I know it's, you know, I appreciate you coming on kind of on, not enemy territory, but, you know.

00:54:52.180 Yeah, you know.

00:54:53.120 I appreciate you coming on unfamiliar territory.

00:54:54.820 I appreciate it.

00:54:55.540 And, yeah, it's a little scary, but I think you've got to overcome your fears and keep grinding.

00:55:00.460 Yeah.

00:55:00.660 That's what I'm doing.

00:55:01.640 Yeah.

00:55:02.020 Look, we're trying.

00:55:03.520 That's life.

00:55:04.060 We're trying.

00:55:04.440 All right.

00:55:06.600 Ari was here, and now he's gone.

00:55:09.060 Let's continue with the rest of this past weekend.

00:55:14.460 Onward.

00:55:16.400 Hey, Theo.

00:55:17.560 This is JJ calling from Sac Town, Mac Town.

00:55:22.060 You know?

00:55:23.080 JJ calling from Sacramento.

00:55:24.700 I appreciate your call, man.

00:55:26.460 Sacramento, where everybody looks like a missing person.

00:55:29.740 I don't know if you ever spent time up in Sacramento, but everybody looks like they're missing.

00:55:35.400 Onward.

00:55:37.460 Anyway, bro, I love your podcast, man.

00:55:41.060 Definitely probably my favorite comedian at the moment.

00:55:44.980 But I had a question, man.

00:55:47.640 Thanks, man.

00:55:48.220 I appreciate that.

00:55:50.860 I'm coming off of a pretty long heroin stretch.

00:55:57.200 So I'm in detoxing, you know, just trying to live that clean life, you know what I mean?

00:56:03.680 But I know part of recovery, you got to keep your mind occupied and all that.

00:56:09.180 So my question to you is, what are your favorite hobbies to do?

00:56:14.100 Like, what's something cool that you can do by yourself with some friends or, you know, something like that, man?

00:56:21.120 I mean, I was kind of trying to find something new about me.

00:56:24.980 Yeah.

00:56:25.500 Well, I appreciate your calling, man.

00:56:26.720 And I appreciate your aim to battle your addictions.

00:56:31.840 That's awesome.

00:56:33.100 That's really awesome, man.

00:56:34.140 It's brave.

00:56:35.160 You know, it's brave stuff, son.

00:56:36.940 And you out there in the bravery streets, JJ.

00:56:39.820 And I respect that more than you know.

00:56:43.480 You know, I just watched a movie the other day called Bill W.

00:56:47.540 And it's the older one.

00:56:48.820 There's an older one.

00:56:49.440 It's like a documentary.

00:56:50.220 If you get a chance, it's on Amazon.

00:56:52.480 It's only $3 to rent it.

00:56:54.320 And I bet you would like it, JJ.

00:56:55.580 It's about the AA program and just everything and how it all started and stuff.

00:56:59.360 It's interesting.

00:57:00.220 It's inspiring to me.

00:57:01.640 Brought a tear to my eye a few times.

00:57:03.580 But let me tell you this, man.

00:57:04.720 Things that I do, I thought about this.

00:57:07.000 And this may sound, you know, gay or not gay or chill or whatever.

00:57:10.400 I don't know, dude.

00:57:12.220 But right now, I'm kind of on a little bit of a kick of trying to learn why I feel like I do.

00:57:19.300 You know?

00:57:20.220 Because a lot of my life, I start finding I just get in habits.

00:57:24.960 My life's the same.

00:57:25.940 It's mundane.

00:57:26.660 It's, you know, it's the same thing a lot.

00:57:28.020 Even my life, even though it might seem interesting to some people, you know, it's a lot of the same stuff.

00:57:33.540 So I start to try and read about why I behave the way I do.

00:57:38.540 Or if there's something wrong with me, you know, or there's something I'm not doing well at.

00:57:42.840 I want to learn why, how can I do better?

00:57:46.340 And why do I feel the way I do?

00:57:48.040 That's what I'm trying to figure out.

00:57:50.300 I mean, I've spent so long detached from my feelings that, you know, feelings for me are brand new.

00:57:55.620 So right now, I'm really trying to figure out when I feel anything, like a real feeling.

00:58:01.100 Not just like something short or quick or anger or happiness.

00:58:05.500 Those sometimes can be real fleeting.

00:58:07.500 But other feelings, I try and really feel them and figure out what they are.

00:58:12.080 Outside of that, man, my hobby's taking a walk, doing yoga, getting little surgeries, bruh.

00:58:17.980 You know, I got that new, that lion mane coming in the front.

00:58:23.440 But not, sometimes my hobbies are just like not laying in bed.

00:58:28.360 I'll wake up in the morning and I'll be in bed and my head will start going.

00:58:34.240 And before I know it, I've been in bed five minutes just worrying or pondering or angry.

00:58:39.060 And I haven't even done anything.

00:58:40.640 I don't even know what my day's like.

00:58:42.500 So my thing is now, I do not lay in bed.

00:58:45.260 But if I'm up and I know I'm not going back to sleep, I'm up.

00:58:49.340 Because good things are going to happen when I'm happening.

00:58:52.880 You know, you can't think your way into positive actions.

00:58:55.880 But you can act your way into positive thinking.

00:58:58.180 So the second I get moving, good things happen.

00:59:01.180 But other small things I see friends do, man, reading.

00:59:03.800 If you get back to reading, it has a lot of peace in your life.

00:59:06.540 Taking a walk.

00:59:07.700 Like taking a walk with your eyes open, not on your phone.

00:59:10.060 Really just, you know, we're such creatures that are supposed to move.

00:59:15.080 And we forget about that, especially this society today.

00:59:18.300 You know, we're all caught up.

00:59:20.120 But yeah, little things like that.

00:59:21.320 Trying to be there for others.

00:59:22.640 Reaching out to other people.

00:59:24.220 I know these are weird hobbies, dude.

00:59:25.640 But I'm on this, that's the kick I'm on right now, JJ.

00:59:28.520 So those are some of my hobbies, you know.

00:59:31.160 What else?

00:59:31.940 But yoga, I really like.

00:59:33.220 The first three times you go to yoga, you're going to fucking hate it, dude.

00:59:36.720 You're going to want to saw somebody in half, bro.

00:59:39.380 Not even with a saw, dude.

00:59:41.600 With something that's not a saw.

00:59:45.060 And, but that fourth time you're going to start feeling that, you're going to start feeling free a little bit in your body.

00:59:50.480 Your body's going to feel in control.

00:59:52.040 So, but yeah, small surgeries.

00:59:54.580 Spending time with other people.

00:59:56.360 What else?

00:59:56.780 I enjoy talking to my brother.

00:59:57.880 These are weirdest hobbies, dude.

00:59:59.100 But I'm a weird dude.

01:00:00.640 You know, so those are some of my hobbies, I guess.

01:00:02.760 But I don't do too much outside of work and do comedy.

01:00:06.700 And I feel like my job is a hobby.

01:00:08.180 So, it's tough sometimes when, you know, when work is a hobby.

01:00:14.320 But that's what I do, man.

01:00:15.520 And I applaud you, dude.

01:00:16.840 And I love you.

01:00:17.360 And I appreciate you calling in, man.

01:00:19.280 And even thinking about what else, you know, other people are doing.

01:00:23.860 You know, because by asking other people questions and learning from other people and just taking suggestions or even just listening.

01:00:30.680 And, man, it's going to help you so much in your detox and in the next levels of dealing with whatever little demons you got, you know.

01:00:40.600 And those demons might be big, man, but don't let them be big, you know.

01:00:44.180 Keep your demons small, dude.

01:00:45.640 You got a big life ahead of you.

01:00:47.480 All right, let's move on to this next call.

01:00:50.080 Here we go.

01:00:52.480 Hey, Theo.

01:00:53.660 I'm calling because I don't have anybody to talk to.

01:00:56.740 And it feels pretty bad.

01:00:58.660 I got a question, though, you know.

01:01:00.920 Everybody, they go through things like relationship.

01:01:04.180 And, you know, I went through one of those and I'm out of it and I just feel really sad.

01:01:09.000 I just don't know how to get back to me again.

01:01:11.860 I remember being fun and single me and now all I have is a lonely me.

01:01:17.420 And, you know, he's not a good person to hang out with.

01:01:20.440 I don't like him very much.

01:01:22.680 Okay, so you don't like being with yourself when you're lonely?

01:01:24.980 You notice a difference onward?

01:01:26.700 You know, and I know everyone's gone through that.

01:01:28.900 You probably have.

01:01:30.540 What did you do or what would you say to somebody who has lost their way, as it were?

01:01:37.760 Thank you, Theo.

01:01:38.580 I appreciate, you know, you being here for me.

01:01:40.920 Oh, man, look, you know, I'm not, I mean, you know, I'm being here for you, but, you know, this, I don't have advice.

01:01:48.580 You know, I just, but I'm happy to share with you how I felt, man, when I was, you know, I, dude, when I got broken up with, you want me to be really honest with you guys, man?

01:01:58.720 I turned into a baby, bro.

01:02:01.800 When I got broken up with in the past, dude, when I wasn't in control of my feelings, when I didn't know who I was, you know, when I was just, you know, I was obsessed with my girlfriends but not really in love with them.

01:02:14.160 I thought I was in love with them, but I couldn't even tell the difference between love and obsession and just desire, sexual desire.

01:02:22.080 Couldn't even tell the difference between some of that.

01:02:23.640 Man, one time my girlfriend broke up with me, I put Nair in her shampoo, and she had a roommate that lost a sideburn from it, you know, and that girl was a little bit turnt at the time, so, so whatever, you know, and that's, that's out of legal, that's been eight years, so no legalities, everybody, you know, good, good.

01:02:42.780 What else?

01:02:43.480 After that, what else happened after that that I, when I got out of a relationship?

01:02:46.960 One time, dude, my, the girl I was seeing, she took French class, I started learning French, dude, I spent a whole summer learning fucking French, dude.

01:02:57.340 I got to her, to her place, and, uh, and she, that's, that's the girl I met in South Carolina, and I was, you know, petting, I was petting her neighbor's cat or somebody's cat, I turned into a stalker.

01:03:10.840 I was over at her place in the middle of the night, petting somebody's cat, and I just hitchhiked to get to South Carolina, I'd never been in the state before, I got there at midnight, and I'm petting a cat on the address where I know she'd been getting mail, so that's not healthy, and practicing my French in my head for how I was gonna romance her in French.

01:03:28.140 Dude, can you imagine if she'd opened her door?

01:03:32.420 Here's a boyfriend that she hasn't seen in three months, who's probably been, you know, sent her, like, six and seven page love letters.

01:03:39.480 Suddenly, this dude is on her porch petting a cat that she may or may not even know, because I don't think she owned a cat, so this is gonna be somebody else's cat that I would be holding when she opened the door, and that I'm gonna be trying to just probably stutter in French how much I loved her?

01:03:56.240 That's going to jail. That is, that is, uh, going to jail. That's GTJ behavior right there. That's going to jail.

01:04:05.300 So that's how I behave. So I'll tell you this, man, don't be a pussy, you know, and I hate to say that word on people I ain't caring about, don't be it.

01:04:13.460 You know, if that relationship's over, I mean, sometimes we romanticize. The old you, the fun you, really?

01:04:20.080 Really? Was that who you were? Are you, you know, what was the, you know, maybe you were. I'm not saying you weren't, but what, just don't romanticize things.

01:04:29.960 You know, that relationship didn't work out because it wasn't supposed to work out.

01:04:33.600 I hate to tell you that. It might work out in the future. It's not working out now.

01:04:37.940 So what are you going to do? That's the facts, man.

01:04:40.320 You know, but if you're really struggling with your feelings and you're not feeling great, you know, pick up a hobby, you know, get you a box of popsicles, dog, you know, go to an Al-Anon meeting.

01:04:55.520 Listen to other people share about their feelings, how they're feeling.

01:04:59.000 Al-Anon's a great place. If you don't have, you're not an alcoholic or something, but you got, you lost in your feelings, go there.

01:05:05.680 People sharing and you'll learn a little bit about feelings in there, but I mean, I wish you weren't going through this pain, but that's what I did.

01:05:13.140 I laid up, did I learn, I smoked menthol cigarettes and laid on a swing set for a summer, wasted a whole summer of my life.

01:05:20.380 Another time, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. I drove across country, showed up at her place in the middle of the night to win her back, you know, and I wasn't tripping.

01:05:29.020 I mean, I was a little bit in hindsight, but I mean, I thought I really loved her, you know, and I probably, and I, and I did and maybe still do in some way.

01:05:35.680 But, you know, what did I do? I freaked out when I, you know, when I felt bad, when I felt sad.

01:05:42.900 I put in errors. I mean, look, man, I wasn't making good choices. What do I do now?

01:05:48.660 You know, I've been, you know, spending time with the girl and we have some tough times because of situations that I'm dealing with.

01:05:54.400 And, you know, what do I do now? I just, I don't lay in bed. I don't lay in bed and think about it, man.

01:06:02.920 You know, I keep moving and when she pops into my head, you know, I'll get through the feelings.

01:06:07.320 I breathe, I meditate, I get through the feelings, you know, and if that's what's going on, you know, but just do grown up stuff.

01:06:14.960 Don't let stuff just happen to you. Do stuff.

01:06:17.920 If you sit there and let stuff happen, your feelings are going to take over. You're going to feel bad, man.

01:06:22.840 You know, but if you do stuff, you take action, you can feel not as bad.

01:06:28.780 And you probably don't deserve to feel as bad, man. You sound like a good dude.

01:06:31.800 You deserve somebody that loves them. You'll get that. I promise you, bro.

01:06:36.240 You know, you got big lovers out there coming at you.

01:06:38.620 You know, you might have a dude hit you up on Snapchat for a couple hundred G just to visit that ass, you know.

01:06:45.500 So keep your options open, man.

01:06:48.180 You know, but stay up, man. Don't stay down.

01:06:51.320 Don't stay down. I know that's vague and shit, but you know what I'm saying, man.

01:06:54.180 You're better than that.

01:06:55.500 You'll be okay, bro. I love you, all right?

01:06:57.640 Be good to yourself, son. Fucking hug yourself and go jerk off somewhere.

01:07:01.000 You know, if you got to jerk off one time, don't get addicted to it, but, you know, sneak out in the woods or something.

01:07:07.240 Jerk off. Connect with your manhood.

01:07:09.620 Bring a whip out there. Tell your friend to beat you with a whip.

01:07:13.060 You know, a buddy of mine, when he would get feeling kind of squirrely and girly,

01:07:16.160 sometimes his buddy would beat him with a fucking whip in their basement.

01:07:19.600 And he's a straight-up G, man.

01:07:21.260 So you'll be okay, bud. Sorry I'm in a weird mood.

01:07:24.500 All right, let's go to the next call.

01:07:26.820 Mmm, soaking in the sunshine here in.

01:07:29.500 Here in Indiana, Theo. This is Bobby.

01:07:33.800 Indiana. Home of the Ku Klux Klan. Just bringing that up.

01:07:38.080 Just don't want that blamed on the South anymore. Onward.

01:07:40.720 And we've got a little issue.

01:07:42.600 I'm calling from Muncie, Indiana. The situation is...

01:07:46.000 Muncie. Beautiful name I've always thought for a baby, for a newborn baby. Muncie.

01:07:51.240 Look at Muncie. I got a friend named Muncie, and he got one eye. Onward.

01:07:55.000 My neighbors. I've got several characters in the neighborhood, but there's one in particular,

01:08:04.420 one couple in particular that have an interesting thing going on.

01:08:10.920 Okay, what is it, brother? What you got?

01:08:12.900 I moved into town to start my graduate degree about four months ago, and these fuckers have had a continuous yard sale that spans their entire property, which is probably...

01:08:28.820 Oh, that's Ball Mart, dude. That's people that straight-up Ball Mart. People that just straight-up ball out in the yard, dude.

01:08:36.320 We had somebody like that.

01:08:38.540 That's Ball Mart. Everything's for sale. Always. Anything.

01:08:42.480 Something gets thrown in the yard out of a fucking window, that's for sale, too. Everything.

01:08:47.480 Let's hear more.

01:08:48.240 Probably half an acre or something, so they've got this yard sale, this perpetual yard sale going on, and I'm not really sure how to approach it.

01:09:00.000 They're not violating any policies or laws that I know of, and I have walked over a time or two, and I've actually bought a few items, one of which was a motorcycle helmet.

01:09:13.960 I also picked up a fur coat and a football jersey, so...

01:09:19.960 Damn, dude. I love it. I love the whole scenario. What do you do there?

01:09:24.660 I mean, I think here's what I would do. I'd make a deal with them.

01:09:29.240 For 500 bucks, I'd buy everything in that fucking yard, right?

01:09:32.780 And then I'd put it all over in a corner, and I'd burn it all.

01:09:35.400 But the deal was contingent upon the fact that they don't sell anything else ever.

01:09:40.080 If not, then you guys got to get a neighborhood group together, like an HOA type of thing, and see if you can shut them down.

01:09:46.520 Or just embrace it.

01:09:49.980 You know? Embrace it.

01:09:51.320 Next time you got neighbors coming over, take them over there to shop, first thing.

01:09:56.280 You know, sometimes it's like things aren't that bad if we just embrace them.

01:10:01.560 But sometimes neighbors need to act a little more neighborly.

01:10:05.520 My step-parents live next door to this family, dude.

01:10:07.720 They got 11 or 12, 13 fucking children.

01:10:10.920 You know, half of them's running around like damn Frankensteins.

01:10:13.960 Some of them have children. They're running in and out of the house.

01:10:16.900 They always have a million cars parked in the yard.

01:10:18.840 They're not bad people, you know?

01:10:21.460 I don't think the dad works, and I mean, but they're not good neighbors.

01:10:25.680 That's for damn sure.

01:10:26.600 And they had one time, they had a kid, a three-year-old, my stepdad, somebody's by the door.

01:10:36.420 He sees somebody out by the front door.

01:10:38.020 He opens the door.

01:10:39.440 They got a three-year-old out there, standing out in it, like by the yard, like right by the front door, like by the walkway.

01:10:46.620 And my stepdad's like, what's going on?

01:10:48.240 It's three years old.

01:10:49.140 This kid, he goes, I'm just going to go walk to the Dollar General and get me something.

01:10:54.060 Do you know which way it is to the Dollar General?

01:10:57.220 My stepdad just took him back to his house.

01:10:58.980 Kid's three years old, you know?

01:11:01.160 And that's the type of family that's over there.

01:11:03.540 And he was making signs and shit for a little while.

01:11:05.900 We'd stay up at night just hammering on signs like he was damn living in Santa's workshop or something, the daddy or something.

01:11:12.020 I don't fucking know.

01:11:12.920 People are out of their minds.

01:11:14.180 People need to learn how to be good neighbors, though.

01:11:15.940 That's for sure.

01:11:17.600 And you can write him a note.

01:11:18.520 You can start straight up war with him if you want, you know?

01:11:22.020 But if you're not willing to go there and you want to live in that contention, if not, if you don't want to go there and live in that contention and be at war with him, which could be fun, too.

01:11:32.320 That could be fun.

01:11:33.820 But if not, then you need to come to some peace with it, you know?

01:11:37.880 See if, you know, you could buy everything one time and they never do it again.

01:11:42.500 Or see what, you know, ask him when does the yard sale end.

01:11:45.680 Or when you have guests over, take a shopping first.

01:11:48.860 You know, just embrace it.

01:11:49.800 Those are things I would recommend, dude.

01:11:51.280 That's fucking gangster.

01:11:52.140 You got a fur coat out of a neighbor's yard, bruh?

01:11:54.900 Dude, we had this fur coat and these other dogs in the neighborhood would come by and fuck it sometimes, man.

01:12:00.020 And some of them would double team it, too, dude.

01:12:01.880 These two, honestly, bruh, these two black dogs.

01:12:04.760 I think they were Rottweilers.

01:12:08.400 Anyhow, onward, I'm taking one more call, man.

01:12:10.520 And then I'll see what's going on.

01:12:13.520 Let's hear it.

01:12:14.100 Hey, Theo, what's up?

01:12:17.840 My name is Vince calling from Tampa.

01:12:21.720 Big V and big T.

01:12:23.520 Vince in Tampa, man.

01:12:24.540 You sound like somebody that could have worked at a strip club.

01:12:28.860 But then, of course, everybody in Tampa does.

01:12:31.760 I just had a little bit of a story for you based on an experience I had when I was 16 years old with my first blow job.

01:12:43.100 Ooh.

01:12:44.480 This is always enticing, man.

01:12:45.940 I love to hear about people's first experiences.

01:12:47.720 So let's go, Vince.

01:12:49.980 I was bowling with my buddies at the bowling alley.

01:12:53.080 That 7-10 split, man.

01:13:03.020 That's what they used to call this dude in our neighborhood who only had one tooth right there and one tooth right there.

01:13:08.320 He had that Michael Strahan.

01:13:10.080 He had that 7-10.

01:13:11.180 Onward.

01:13:12.080 And I was bowling with one of the hottest girls in high school.

01:13:17.040 She comes up to me and she says, hey, man, if you hit this 7-10 split, I'll give you a blow job in the car afterwards.

01:13:25.860 Really?

01:13:27.540 I don't find this impossible to believe, but what kind of girl does that if you hit this?

01:13:31.560 What girl even knows what a 7-10 split is in high school, Vince?

01:13:37.040 I mean, think about that.

01:13:38.560 Some girl, like, if you come up and hit this, I'll give you a blow job?

01:13:42.100 Dude, I'm going to listen to this a little bit more, but the sound, I'm uncertain about you here, Vince.

01:13:47.580 Onward.

01:13:50.360 Hey, Theo.

01:13:52.460 Hey, Theo.

01:13:53.400 I was bowling with one of the hottest girls in high school.

01:13:55.720 She comes up to me and she said, I'll give you a blow job in the car afterwards.

01:13:59.800 Onward.

01:14:01.040 Bro, I never hit a 7-10 split in my life.

01:14:04.180 And I'll be damned if my little penis tip didn't twinkle and I hit that 7-10 split.

01:14:11.460 I never hit a 7-10 split in my life, bro.

01:14:16.520 Anyways, man, she ended up hooking me up in the car and that was my first blow job ever.

01:14:23.480 I remember I felt like I went into a little bit of shock, dude.

01:14:26.840 It was like my hands and my arms and everything went a little bit numb.

01:14:30.780 Oh, that's blow job atrophy, dude.

01:14:33.480 We had a buddy like that in junior high.

01:14:36.860 He got himself some early blow jobs.

01:14:38.860 And if you get early blow jobs, a lot of times, your body's not used to it.

01:14:43.620 You can have adverse reactions even to sexual activity.

01:14:47.620 And he couldn't even move after he'd get a blow job.

01:14:52.500 So, literally, you could tell if he'd gotten some, his buddies would be carrying him around.

01:14:57.880 Or they would be, you know, they'd even have, I remember one time after prom, they had him in a wheelchair.

01:15:04.000 And that's, you know, that happens sometimes.

01:15:06.220 People can't handle the sexual activity they're getting at young ages.

01:15:09.700 And they will, you know, and this dude, they put him in a, you know, his two buddies would carry him.

01:15:14.540 He was kind of a little bit of a strong in the legs.

01:15:17.520 You know, he had some, he had some rings in his woodwork, if you know what I'm saying.

01:15:21.540 He had some, he was, his legs had a lot of atoms in them.

01:15:27.160 He was, you know, a lot of neutrons and protons.

01:15:31.280 Anyway, he was thick.

01:15:32.560 That's what I'm saying.

01:15:33.240 He had volume.

01:15:34.600 He had mass.

01:15:36.140 He had all of those.

01:15:37.620 And, and so he would get that blow job and he couldn't, you know, couldn't move very well.

01:15:42.480 You know, he'd get that atrophy in his muscles and stuff and his buddies would have to carry him around.

01:15:46.240 And that happens too.

01:15:47.380 Sometimes you get that, you take these Viagras, these Cialis's.

01:15:51.400 You know, I take that Canadian Viagra, makes my legs sweat.

01:15:55.340 And I have a buddy that used to take it.

01:15:59.720 He couldn't bend his legs if he was on Viagra.

01:16:02.500 So he could do some sex, but he had to just lay down, you know, or just lean in one time really good.

01:16:09.460 And so everybody has different things that happen to him with sex, man.

01:16:12.100 But the 7-10 split, sorry, I find it hard to believe, but I love a new, you know, I love a first-time story.

01:16:16.800 So I appreciate you calling in.

01:16:18.840 And also, I think you were a first-time caller, so I respect that.

01:16:21.480 We had a lot of great calls.

01:16:22.560 I'm going to get to some more of them.

01:16:24.000 I don't know if I'm going to get to them tonight.

01:16:25.360 I don't know when I'm going to get to them.

01:16:26.500 But if you have a call, if you have a response to something we've talked about on the episode today,

01:16:34.960 if you have a thought on the take a knee, if you had a thought on the take a knee, man, I would love to hear more about it.

01:16:41.960 You can hit the hotline and drop that call off.

01:16:44.760 If you have had an experience where your girlfriend or significant other has, you guys have agreed that they could sleep with somebody else for money or not for money,

01:17:00.640 just for recreational purposes and how that played out, I'd love to know more about that.

01:17:06.220 So you can hit the hotline for anything, 985-664-9503, but those are two things that I would love specifically to know about.

01:17:14.980 If you have experience with those, to call in about them.

01:17:18.440 If you've had a spouse spend time or a girlfriend or boyfriend spend time with somebody else that you agreed on for money or for not and how that played out afterwards.

01:17:27.980 And also, what you think on the take a knee.

01:17:31.440 You think that's legit, that's cool, that's whatever.

01:17:34.160 Whatever you think, you know, how many times is this going to happen?

01:17:37.920 How, you know, what's the solution?

01:17:39.960 What's the racial solution, you know?

01:17:42.960 I mean, or whatever your thoughts are.

01:17:44.700 Whatever your thoughts are, I'd love to know them.

01:17:46.860 And I'm going to take us out of here.

01:17:48.500 Thank you guys again for supporting the podcast.

01:17:51.220 You can hit up the Patreon.

01:17:52.940 We've got the Dollar Shave Club out there.

01:17:55.760 Everything's going okay.

01:17:57.220 I appreciate the support.

01:17:58.600 I want to thank Ari Manis for being here.

01:18:00.320 You can follow him on Twitter and on Instagram at Ari Manis.

01:18:05.620 There's no hard feelings between me and Ari as we figure this out.

01:18:09.820 I appreciate you guys calling in and giving voice in your thoughts and your opinions.

01:18:13.900 They're always welcome here.

01:18:15.840 Always welcome here.

01:18:18.380 And, you know, we're trying to heed them.

01:18:20.180 I'm trying to figure things out, you know.

01:18:21.900 I don't want to just kick Ari by the wayside because we agreed that we would try it for a few weeks and see how it goes.

01:18:26.500 So, you know, we'll figure it out after this week and see if it's worth trying for another week or not.

01:18:32.480 We tried to reframe it a little.

01:18:34.940 Or I tried to reframe it a little bit.

01:18:36.840 But thank you for checking out this past weekend.

01:18:39.640 Subscribe.

01:18:40.440 Tell your friends.

01:18:41.400 I love you.

01:18:42.220 I will be in Huntsville, Alabama, November 14th through the 16th at the Stand Up Live.

01:18:49.920 Ari will be in La Jolla at the La Jolla Comedy Store.

01:18:56.880 And that is the first weekend, I believe, in November.

01:19:02.060 It's either the first or second weekend.

01:19:04.040 So you can check out when he'll be there, the 3rd and 4th or the 10th and 11th.

01:19:08.560 Thank you guys so much for your support.

01:19:10.480 I'll talk to you soon.

01:19:11.300 Let's go out.

01:19:12.200 Spencer Jacob Grau Band with Celebrate.

01:19:15.540 And if you have some ideas for new music or intro theme or something and you want to let me know,

01:19:22.460 you can hit me up at TheoVaughn at Mac.com.

01:19:25.600 I'm always interested in having a variety.

01:19:29.400 Celebrate living.

01:19:32.960 Celebrate living.

01:19:33.520 And go out there and stand on what you believe in, man.

01:19:36.760 You know?

01:19:37.480 If you're tired of certain things, people get tired and speak up about it.

01:19:41.460 You know?

01:19:42.200 Everybody has a voice.

01:19:43.740 And we got to use them.

01:19:45.780 You know?

01:19:46.320 If you're tired of companies, you know, making shitty stuff, quit supporting shitty stuff.

01:19:52.440 You know, when you change where your money goes, that's when things change.

01:19:55.880 So put your money towards things that you care about.

01:20:00.140 Research the companies.

01:20:01.380 Research who's doing what.

01:20:03.160 Know who you're giving your money to.

01:20:05.560 Because that's how things change.

01:20:07.660 And poor people got to stick together, man.

01:20:09.620 I tell you.

01:20:11.100 I tell you.

01:20:12.240 Onward.

01:20:12.600 Onward.

01:20:15.540 You guys be good to yourselves, man.

01:20:32.340 I bet you deserve it, man.

01:20:33.520 I'm going to try.

01:20:34.080 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:20:54.300 The answer may shock you.

01:20:55.620 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:20:58.100 Sometimes I won't.

01:20:59.780 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:21:02.700 You have three new voice messages.

01:21:05.760 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:21:08.640 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

01:21:11.320 Longer than anybody else.

01:21:12.980 So great.

01:21:13.580 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:21:32.920 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:21:37.260 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:21:41.480 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:21:47.280 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - September 25, 2017

9-25-17 ｜ This Past Weekend #43

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