This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Andrew Santino 2 ｜ This Past Weekend w⧸ Theo Von #248

00:00:00.000 potatoes collapsed to society?

00:00:02.560 That's sad that a root vegetable

00:00:04.080 collapsed your whole society.

00:00:05.560 Yeah.

00:00:05.960 And do they have sweet potatoes too

00:00:07.000 or just regular potatoes?

00:00:08.100 Ain't nothing sweet up there.

00:00:09.020 Oh, man. 1.00

00:00:10.260 Bro, you got to fucking sugar up your tots, bro. 1.00

00:00:14.100 You can't even, 0.99

00:00:14.820 I can't imagine running on just potatoes.

00:00:17.560 Shine that light on me

00:00:20.660 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:00:26.480 Shine that light on me

00:00:31.320 I'll sit and tell you my stories

00:00:36.620 Yeah, about a World War II house.

00:00:38.760 It came with a bag of gunpowder

00:00:40.880 and chitlins, a bag of chitlins.

00:00:46.240 Cracklin.

00:00:47.160 Do you think,

00:00:48.300 Andrew Santino here today,

00:00:51.720 thanks for coming in, man.

00:00:52.680 Thank you, brother.

00:00:53.240 I'm so happy to be here.

00:00:54.940 I was bragging before we started.

00:00:56.360 This is incredible, man.

00:00:57.340 No one has anything this cool on the wall

00:00:58.980 of all the podcast studios.

00:01:00.480 This was such a smart idea.

00:01:01.600 Was this your idea?

00:01:02.780 Thanks.

00:01:03.040 This was Papio Tune.

00:01:04.220 I'm not sure.

00:01:05.700 I think we just discussed it, Nick.

00:01:07.280 What did we?

00:01:07.600 We discussed it and decided this was it.

00:01:09.420 I reluctantly have to give some props to Gianni.

00:01:11.760 I think it might have been. 0.99

00:01:13.400 Let's not give him any fucking, 0.98

00:01:14.620 I don't want to give Gianni props. 0.99

00:01:15.820 Gianni the Twink, man.

00:01:17.240 He's a sweet boy, man.

00:01:18.360 Oh, yes.

00:01:18.660 He got all his meals for free in New York

00:01:20.060 when we went out to eat.

00:01:21.080 Really?

00:01:21.520 Yeah, he was just so cute.

00:01:22.340 He walked in and he winked at the host

00:01:24.700 and she goes, meals on us. 0.96

00:01:26.600 He said he can make his butt smile 0.97

00:01:28.540 like the crack of it. 0.98

00:01:29.340 He can.

00:01:29.820 That's insane.

00:01:30.560 Yeah, he, well, when he turns sideways,

00:01:33.120 he can, he hoists his shoulders up

00:01:34.880 and you can kind of see the top of his crack

00:01:37.540 just lean up just a little bit.

00:01:39.380 Yeah.

00:01:39.940 He's a talented dude.

00:01:41.560 I got to tell you,

00:01:42.340 a really cute, talented dude.

00:01:43.700 It's too bad about what happened.

00:01:44.780 I know.

00:01:45.560 It is what it is.

00:01:47.480 Look, we don't, you know,

00:01:48.840 his perversions are his perversions, man. 0.72

00:01:51.120 He really needs to get some help, though.

00:01:52.400 I'm just being honest.

00:01:53.140 It's just one of those things

00:01:53.860 where I feel like a guy like that,

00:01:56.220 he was going to get caught at some point

00:01:58.000 for doing what he was doing.

00:01:58.880 Yeah.

00:01:59.600 And it's downhill.

00:02:00.340 And the crazy part in this business,

00:02:01.540 when it's downhill, brother,

00:02:02.720 it is straight down.

00:02:03.660 Straight down.

00:02:04.580 It's directly straight down.

00:02:05.920 I mean, we can ask,

00:02:06.580 we know a lot of people

00:02:07.280 that have already plummeted that far,

00:02:08.760 you know?

00:02:09.720 Bert's not putting his shirt off anymore.

00:02:11.520 He's keeping his shirt on.

00:02:12.580 Well, they had charged,

00:02:13.480 some lady filed a charge against him. 1.00

00:02:15.000 She did?

00:02:15.460 Yeah.

00:02:15.940 What was it?

00:02:16.360 You know what the file was?

00:02:16.800 Just like indecency or something?

00:02:18.340 Yeah, complete indecency.

00:02:19.880 Too much indecency. 0.91

00:02:21.380 Dude, I remember when I was young, 0.99

00:02:22.500 the first fellow I even ever masturbated to 1.00

00:02:24.340 was a buddy who had big tits like that. 1.00

00:02:28.900 You? 1.00

00:02:29.440 Yeah.

00:02:29.640 How big were they?

00:02:30.780 Boy, I don't want to say his name, man,

00:02:32.360 because he's a nice boy.

00:02:33.480 Oh, he's still alive.

00:02:34.800 Yeah.

00:02:35.420 Yeah.

00:02:35.860 He's still alive as far as I know.

00:02:37.660 And he, I'll just, yeah.

00:02:39.680 Who was your,

00:02:40.180 what was your first crush?

00:02:41.240 Do you vividly remember your first crush?

00:02:42.760 Oh, yeah.

00:02:43.920 Yeah, who was it?

00:02:44.960 This girl, Chrissy Hunt, man.

00:02:46.960 The name is so hot.

00:02:48.760 And she had,

00:02:49.200 one of her tooth,

00:02:49.800 she was kind of chipped off a little bit,

00:02:51.200 like she had that Lloyd Christmas in the front,

00:02:53.080 you know?

00:02:53.540 Yeah.

00:02:54.000 Oh, man.

00:02:54.420 That made her more exotic somehow.

00:02:55.760 Oh.

00:02:56.540 Chrissy Hunt.

00:02:57.240 And I remember she had good posture.

00:02:59.880 That's what I love, bro. 0.99

00:03:01.060 I'm like, damn, 1.00

00:03:01.780 who was that straight up bitch over there? 1.00

00:03:04.540 She was just posture. 1.00

00:03:06.360 Yeah.

00:03:06.800 Just so damn vertical, dude.

00:03:08.500 I just felt like she,

00:03:09.800 she stood,

00:03:11.520 she stood for something.

00:03:12.980 That's what I felt like.

00:03:13.720 Yeah, for life.

00:03:14.800 She just had confidence in her bones,

00:03:16.480 you know?

00:03:16.640 I said that to Steve,

00:03:18.140 I was talking to someone on the way here,

00:03:19.720 I was saying,

00:03:20.340 all,

00:03:20.680 I saw,

00:03:21.040 Attell was in New York when I was in New York,

00:03:22.560 and he's got all these bags he was hunched over.

00:03:26.000 I was like,

00:03:26.400 all my comedic heroes have scoliosis.

00:03:28.980 Like,

00:03:29.300 all of them are like,

00:03:31.180 like,

00:03:31.600 they're all like,

00:03:32.580 like,

00:03:32.840 kind of like tiny and bent over,

00:03:34.600 and I don't know what that is.

00:03:36.320 I need to get better posture.

00:03:36.960 It could be the stress,

00:03:37.620 the burden.

00:03:38.200 Yeah,

00:03:38.360 the burden of being so hilarious,

00:03:40.280 being so smart and funny like Attell is.

00:03:42.460 Probably the stress.

00:03:43.760 Attell kind of shies away from people sometimes,

00:03:46.400 too.

00:03:46.520 He doesn't like to kind of be seen.

00:03:47.840 I feel like it makes him nervous.

00:03:49.280 Right.

00:03:49.660 Well,

00:03:49.840 he's,

00:03:50.020 yeah.

00:03:50.380 I mean,

00:03:50.620 I think it's also because I think too many people want to come up to him and talk to him.

00:03:53.740 Yeah.

00:03:54.020 Because he's so funny and so known.

00:03:56.800 But I was watching him walk,

00:03:58.140 and he just like,

00:03:58.680 I was just like,

00:03:59.900 it looked painful.

00:04:01.360 It looked like he was kind of like.

00:04:02.740 Well,

00:04:02.900 he doesn't do yoga.

00:04:03.640 I don't think he's like a yoga, 0.99

00:04:04.660 you know,

00:04:04.880 he's not,

00:04:05.480 that's not one of his things.

00:04:06.700 No,

00:04:06.900 no,

00:04:07.060 not anymore.

00:04:09.160 What's going on,

00:04:09.680 man?

00:04:09.720 You got the new tour,

00:04:10.440 I know.

00:04:10.960 I'm doing a new tour in 2020,

00:04:14.080 the Red Ragon tour.

00:04:15.020 That's awesome,

00:04:15.780 man.

00:04:16.140 Congrats,

00:04:16.600 bro.

00:04:16.620 Thank you,

00:04:16.860 dude.

00:04:17.100 I've never done small theaters.

00:04:18.180 This is the first time I've ever done small theaters in my life,

00:04:19.920 and I'm nervous.

00:04:20.540 We talked on the phone a year ago when you started doing,

00:04:24.100 but you were doing bigger theaters than I'm going to do.

00:04:26.280 I'm doing tiny little theaters,

00:04:27.320 but,

00:04:28.200 and the nerves are right.

00:04:29.880 You were righteous about,

00:04:30.800 you were like excited,

00:04:31.960 nervous.

00:04:32.800 I remember we talked on the phone,

00:04:33.580 I was on the 405,

00:04:34.280 I remember coming from the airport,

00:04:35.940 and you were like,

00:04:36.580 I'm excited,

00:04:37.020 but I'm nervous,

00:04:37.600 but it's dope.

00:04:40.680 I'm so happy,

00:04:42.160 but the pressure is different.

00:04:43.920 It's different than a club.

00:04:44.800 I don't know,

00:04:45.500 I don't know why,

00:04:46.660 but it is.

00:04:48.100 Yeah,

00:04:48.580 I think.

00:04:49.100 The scale,

00:04:49.340 the growth,

00:04:50.260 you know?

00:04:50.920 Yeah,

00:04:51.240 the scale,

00:04:52.000 the energy,

00:04:53.260 the excitement.

00:04:53.760 For me,

00:04:54.080 a lot of it was just like,

00:04:55.000 how does the words work in the room?

00:04:57.020 What does the audio sound like?

00:04:58.660 Right,

00:04:58.880 because clubs are so good.

00:04:59.000 I started worrying about everything,

00:05:00.500 whereas clubs,

00:05:01.220 it was,

00:05:01.480 I had just gotten used to it.

00:05:03.120 I knew kind of how it went.

00:05:05.000 I knew if it sounded strange,

00:05:06.160 how to adjust it.

00:05:07.260 Right.

00:05:07.700 But in,

00:05:08.420 yeah,

00:05:08.620 these different venues where they're all kind of different,

00:05:11.460 it was,

00:05:13.020 yeah,

00:05:13.180 that can be a little confusing.

00:05:14.240 Well,

00:05:14.400 here's why,

00:05:14.940 because they don't do comedy shows all the time,

00:05:17.040 right?

00:05:17.600 A comedy club only does comedy shows.

00:05:19.420 Yeah.

00:05:19.920 It's just,

00:05:20.260 it's an on and off switch.

00:05:21.660 But with these venues,

00:05:22.460 some of these that I'm doing,

00:05:23.300 they're rock clubs.

00:05:24.180 Rock clubs,

00:05:24.900 yeah.

00:05:25.640 Cirque du Soleil or something.

00:05:27.080 Yeah,

00:05:27.120 an off,

00:05:27.560 yeah,

00:05:27.780 an off night for the Cirque.

00:05:28.520 What?

00:05:28.900 Yeah.

00:05:30.140 They do Disney on Ice.

00:05:32.660 Do they?

00:05:33.120 Disney on Ice.

00:05:33.600 Really?

00:05:34.280 Dude,

00:05:34.640 I remember I went to Disney on Ice,

00:05:36.320 boy.

00:05:36.740 I've never been.

00:05:37.420 We were fired up when we were kids,

00:05:39.920 man,

00:05:40.100 we went.

00:05:41.280 Somebody,

00:05:41.580 I remember some guy was smoking a joint at it.

00:05:43.800 At Disney on Ice?

00:05:44.780 Yeah.

00:05:47.400 Well,

00:05:47.820 really?

00:05:48.540 Yeah,

00:05:48.820 because mostly it was kids there,

00:05:50.420 and I just remember looking at this guy being like,

00:05:52.300 dang,

00:05:52.840 dude.

00:05:53.620 Yeah,

00:05:53.760 but that's,

00:05:54.080 but you know,

00:05:54.460 he's got to get his.

00:05:55.300 I can't,

00:05:55.580 I mean,

00:05:55.660 you can't hate on that guy.

00:05:56.700 Uh-uh.

00:05:57.200 Medication.

00:05:58.480 Yeah,

00:05:58.620 well,

00:05:58.740 at the time,

00:05:59.220 people,

00:05:59.560 it's funny that at the time,

00:06:00.580 nobody saw it as medication.

00:06:01.640 At the time,

00:06:02.000 it used to be just getting high,

00:06:03.100 and now it's considered medication.

00:06:05.820 Isn't that kind of fascinating?

00:06:06.820 Yeah,

00:06:07.180 well,

00:06:07.460 it's only because people have come around to the idea that it's not as bad as people want it to be.

00:06:11.700 What do you think will go even higher with drugs?

00:06:13.440 Do you think we're going to get to like a level,

00:06:15.300 like somewhere they just legalized some cocaine,

00:06:17.320 I believe.

00:06:18.140 Yeah,

00:06:18.800 Dominican Republic.

00:06:19.840 Was that it?

00:06:20.440 The DR?

00:06:21.020 The DR,

00:06:21.440 they got cocaine legal,

00:06:22.920 and they also have,

00:06:23.820 um,

00:06:24.900 frog licking is legal now,

00:06:26.220 too,

00:06:26.400 in certain countries.

00:06:27.100 You can lick for,

00:06:27.920 you can,

00:06:28.140 you can lick psychedelic frogs.

00:06:29.620 Hmm.

00:06:30.620 What,

00:06:30.900 what,

00:06:31.160 I think there's a roof for sure.

00:06:32.880 I think there's a roof.

00:06:34.100 What,

00:06:34.320 Denver just legalized mushrooms.

00:06:36.060 Oh,

00:06:36.240 they did?

00:06:36.540 Colorado.

00:06:37.380 That's right.

00:06:37.980 For a while now,

00:06:38.920 I'll notice,

00:06:39.600 you find anything,

00:06:40.480 Nick?

00:06:40.540 I'm not seeing anything on the screen.

00:06:41.940 Mexican court says cocaine use is legal for two people.

00:06:45.440 Mexico City.

00:06:46.700 Wow,

00:06:46.960 they're having a lot,

00:06:47.700 I mean,

00:06:48.920 with all the shootings.

00:06:49.560 What was the case?

00:06:50.280 Yeah,

00:06:50.420 what happened?

00:06:50.940 Why,

00:06:51.140 why did they,

00:06:51.560 they needed it?

00:06:52.180 Two people should be allowed to use it legally,

00:06:55.060 it says.

00:06:55.480 The ruling means the unnamed pair can use but not sell,

00:06:59.540 according to Mexico United Against Crime.

00:07:02.400 Huh.

00:07:03.680 They need that energy to get back and forth,

00:07:05.440 and back and forth over that border,

00:07:06.760 you know?

00:07:07.900 Yeah.

00:07:08.420 It's like playing,

00:07:09.040 it's like Red Rover.

00:07:10.840 It's a brown rover down there.

00:07:12.280 Yeah.

00:07:12.620 I said on,

00:07:15.280 I said on,

00:07:16.220 Chris DiStefano's podcast with Giannis Pappas,

00:07:18.980 I said,

00:07:19.660 they were joking about building the wall,

00:07:20.940 and I said,

00:07:21.200 the wall is cruel,

00:07:22.240 like it's a cruel thing,

00:07:23.700 but I think it'd be funny if it was a maze.

00:07:25.380 Yeah.

00:07:25.920 Like if they had to like really,

00:07:27.380 you know what I mean,

00:07:27.800 if it was an obstacle course?

00:07:28.780 Yeah,

00:07:29.020 yeah.

00:07:29.320 Like if it was American Ninja Warrior down there,

00:07:30.960 I'd be so down for that.

00:07:32.340 Well,

00:07:32.520 dude,

00:07:32.760 and then the people that would be coming in,

00:07:34.740 you'd be getting some real heroes into America.

00:07:36.580 Super,

00:07:36.940 a lot of talent.

00:07:37.660 Oh,

00:07:37.880 yeah.

00:07:38.020 A ton of talent.

00:07:39.740 You'd get some,

00:07:40.440 like grade A athletes crossing the border.

00:07:43.320 Well,

00:07:43.600 I think there should be a return system.

00:07:45.560 That's just what I think.

00:07:46.440 It's like one enters,

00:07:48.320 one leaves.

00:07:49.040 It's like,

00:07:49.700 I wish there was a level in America for people that don't want to try and contribute at all to society.

00:07:54.960 Yeah.

00:07:55.220 That we get to,

00:07:56.280 you know.

00:07:56.780 Oh,

00:07:56.960 that's smart.

00:07:57.340 Like it's like a battle royale.

00:07:58.400 You have to prove why you get to stay and someone has to go.

00:08:01.180 Yes.

00:08:01.640 That's dope. 0.93

00:08:02.360 That's a great idea.

00:08:03.480 Or let Vegas bet on people at a certain point at the border to like another point.

00:08:08.460 Let them bet like just on who is,

00:08:10.440 going to get.

00:08:11.180 Can they make it to the next level?

00:08:12.520 Yeah.

00:08:12.980 It's like Mario.

00:08:14.100 We're setting up Super Mario Brothers and seeing what level they pass.

00:08:16.900 They have to beat a boss at every point.

00:08:19.760 And then they get certain,

00:08:20.980 you know,

00:08:21.200 you can get wings.

00:08:22.320 You know what I mean?

00:08:22.660 You can get a jet pack if you want.

00:08:23.840 A jet pack.

00:08:25.220 You get to jump over people.

00:08:27.440 Some guy that's flying by like,

00:08:28.680 man,

00:08:28.860 I'm lost,

00:08:29.560 man.

00:08:31.860 Going to level three.

00:08:35.860 Yeah.

00:08:36.220 I don't know.

00:08:36.660 Dude,

00:08:36.900 I don't know.

00:08:37.720 I think a lot of times about the border,

00:08:39.540 like the people that live there,

00:08:41.980 what is their life?

00:08:43.000 Like that's who I really.

00:08:44.660 That live at the border.

00:08:45.800 Yes.

00:08:46.120 Like,

00:08:46.460 like what is it like for them?

00:08:48.460 You know,

00:08:48.920 like it's easy for us to,

00:08:50.580 you know,

00:08:50.840 for us to say this or that,

00:08:52.080 but it's like,

00:08:52.540 what is it like if you had,

00:08:54.460 like are people running through people's backyards?

00:08:56.800 Is it scary?

00:08:57.660 Are people.

00:08:58.560 It's gotta be right.

00:08:59.440 We used to go down in college.

00:09:01.280 There's a place called South Padre Island,

00:09:02.740 Texas.

00:09:02.900 Oh yeah.

00:09:03.440 We used to go down there.

00:09:04.180 You've probably been down,

00:09:04.860 you've probably been down to South Texas.

00:09:06.160 And there's a border town called, 0.99

00:09:09.420 damn Nick, 0.99

00:09:10.620 you probably have to find it. 1.00

00:09:11.820 Rosara.

00:09:12.560 No,

00:09:12.860 it's called,

00:09:13.480 Nogales. 0.93

00:09:14.800 No. 1.00

00:09:16.780 Damn, 1.00

00:09:17.280 bro. 1.00

00:09:17.760 South Padre Island,

00:09:18.880 Texas,

00:09:19.180 there's a border town to this big bridge you cross,

00:09:20.940 right?

00:09:21.100 It's a massive bridge.

00:09:22.240 Port Isabel?

00:09:23.120 No,

00:09:23.540 man.

00:09:23.840 It's a Spanish name.

00:09:24.980 It's in Mexico,

00:09:25.680 that border town there.

00:09:26.820 Isabel.

00:09:27.360 Yeah.

00:09:27.760 But not Isabel.

00:09:29.120 That's Isabel. 0.63

00:09:29.880 Go,

00:09:30.840 there it is.

00:09:31.460 Maramoros.

00:09:32.980 That was it.

00:09:33.800 Maramoros.

00:09:34.880 Maramoros.

00:09:35.620 Right.

00:09:35.980 So we went into Maramoros.

00:09:37.840 Keep going over to the left.

00:09:39.040 And this was,

00:09:39.620 Maramoros.

00:09:40.280 Maramoros,

00:09:40.620 there it is.

00:09:41.160 And this was bad,

00:09:42.000 man.

00:09:42.160 We got in the bed of a pickup truck,

00:09:44.100 in the bed of an F-150,

00:09:45.360 like a 1990 F-150.

00:09:48.080 And we,

00:09:48.440 and this,

00:09:49.280 now I'm embarrassed,

00:09:50.400 but I was like in the back,

00:09:51.540 and we had all been drinking,

00:09:52.840 and it was,

00:09:53.420 the truck was bouncing bad.

00:09:55.540 And I looked where the bed connects to the cab,

00:09:58.340 and it was like loose.

00:09:59.820 Like it was not secure,

00:10:00.900 you know what I mean?

00:10:01.160 He was jiggling.

00:10:02.120 And I looked around,

00:10:03.100 and I'm realizing,

00:10:03.540 I'm going over this bridge,

00:10:04.880 like 80 miles an hour.

00:10:05.940 I was like,

00:10:06.580 this is,

00:10:07.340 this is how I die.

00:10:08.500 This is how it ends.

00:10:09.520 Dude,

00:10:09.820 do you ever feel like,

00:10:10.560 oh,

00:10:10.660 if you died in Mexico,

00:10:11.760 you wake back up in America?

00:10:14.040 Yeah.

00:10:14.860 It was like,

00:10:15.240 like you start again,

00:10:16.340 like in the,

00:10:17.560 you reanimate,

00:10:19.220 but where do you come back to?

00:10:20.660 Where's the city you come back out of?

00:10:21.740 I think you probably,

00:10:22.700 I'm going probably Columbus or Toledo.

00:10:25.100 Toledo.

00:10:25.460 Toledo sounds,

00:10:26.120 Toledo or Kansas,

00:10:28.580 somewhere in Kansas.

00:10:29.520 Oh,

00:10:29.660 that'd be beautiful.

00:10:30.240 Or just walk straight out of that cornfield over there in Iowa,

00:10:32.860 right?

00:10:32.980 Right.

00:10:33.200 In Dyersville.

00:10:34.000 Yeah.

00:10:34.860 Yeah,

00:10:35.040 but you get like a new beginning.

00:10:36.760 If you could start over,

00:10:37.800 you know?

00:10:38.480 If you could be you reincarnated,

00:10:41.340 you,

00:10:41.660 same Theo,

00:10:42.920 in another part of the world,

00:10:44.160 say you were born in another part of the world,

00:10:45.920 but you're the same cat,

00:10:47.060 where would you be?

00:10:48.460 I'd go Asia, 1.00

00:10:49.500 dude.

00:10:49.860 Yeah.

00:10:50.000 So I'd be really shocking to people.

00:10:51.800 Right.

00:10:52.100 They'd be like, 1.00

00:10:52.540 damn, 0.99

00:10:52.820 this Asian dude is different, 1.00

00:10:54.820 you know?

00:10:55.040 Way different.

00:10:55.540 Why does he sound like that?

00:10:56.660 Who's this Chinese guy,

00:10:57.800 man?

00:10:58.180 You're very unique.

00:10:58.900 Born and raised in Pyeongkang,

00:11:01.020 and you sound like that.

00:11:03.840 You think,

00:11:04.340 you know how,

00:11:04.760 you know what I looked like

00:11:05.680 when I went around Japan?

00:11:06.600 Oh,

00:11:06.860 wow.

00:11:07.220 A guy booed me at the train station.

00:11:10.140 I swear to God.

00:11:11.240 Well,

00:11:11.440 dude,

00:11:11.760 redheaded people 1.00

00:11:13.740 and redheaded like type, 1.00

00:11:15.220 different type of species and stuff,

00:11:16.800 y'all have had not the best PR.

00:11:19.080 How did all this start?

00:11:20.280 I don't know.

00:11:21.140 Do you think it was

00:11:21.860 Irish and alcohol?

00:11:23.860 Yeah.

00:11:24.560 The country,

00:11:25.500 I've said this before,

00:11:26.180 Ireland is a sad, 0.99

00:11:27.940 wet island, 0.50

00:11:29.320 and it's got a lot of,

00:11:31.540 the history is bad,

00:11:33.140 man.

00:11:33.320 You're talking about like, 0.99

00:11:34.180 raping and pillaging 1.00

00:11:36.220 of these poor people, 0.98

00:11:37.540 and then,

00:11:38.320 Who did it?

00:11:39.400 Well,

00:11:39.820 Vikings came through 1.00

00:11:40.720 and raped everybody, 1.00

00:11:41.680 really. 0.99

00:11:41.900 Anybody in the north up there,

00:11:43.300 right?

00:11:43.680 And then on top of it,

00:11:44.740 you have like,

00:11:45.460 potatoes,

00:11:46.220 is there,

00:11:46.740 potatoes collapsed to society?

00:11:49.220 That's sad that a root vegetable

00:11:50.700 collapsed your whole society.

00:11:52.180 Yeah.

00:11:52.580 And do they have sweet potatoes too,

00:11:53.640 or just regular potatoes?

00:11:54.700 Ain't nothing sweet up there.

00:11:55.620 Oh man,

00:11:56.980 bro.

00:11:58.140 Bro, 1.00

00:11:58.560 you gotta fucking sugar up your tots, 1.00

00:12:00.520 bro. 1.00

00:12:00.720 You can't even,

00:12:01.420 I can't imagine running

00:12:02.600 on just potatoes.

00:12:04.300 Just regular potatoes.

00:12:04.880 Imagine they go somewhere finally,

00:12:06.740 and they see that somebody else

00:12:07.540 has sweet potatoes,

00:12:08.620 and they're just like,

00:12:09.200 what have we been doing?

00:12:11.560 They don't grow up there.

00:12:12.620 Nothing much grows up there.

00:12:13.980 Yeah.

00:12:14.140 But it's just like.

00:12:15.020 But they're fierce men though.

00:12:16.660 Yeah,

00:12:16.820 they're tough.

00:12:17.260 They're tough people,

00:12:18.080 man.

00:12:18.380 They're tough as nails. 1.00

00:12:19.160 You can kill them, 1.00

00:12:19.720 and they won't die. 1.00

00:12:20.580 No.

00:12:21.280 No,

00:12:21.460 they're like,

00:12:21.920 they're half cats.

00:12:23.040 They call them half cats.

00:12:24.080 They got 4.5 lives.

00:12:27.000 It's unbelievable.

00:12:27.960 I think,

00:12:28.260 but that's how they build anybody tough.

00:12:29.940 When you come,

00:12:30.460 when you come,

00:12:31.060 like you're from the South, 0.56

00:12:33.120 where people from your area growing up,

00:12:35.960 you know they grew up really tough,

00:12:38.100 so they're naturally just tough people.

00:12:40.220 Yeah,

00:12:40.420 a little edgier.

00:12:41.300 They just have,

00:12:41.980 certain,

00:12:42.400 I'm not saying everywhere,

00:12:43.060 but certain parts of places

00:12:44.560 where you had to just grow up around

00:12:45.980 a little bit more attitude and edge,

00:12:47.480 people tend to be just tougher mentally.

00:12:49.920 I'm not saying they're all strong people

00:12:51.940 by physical standards,

00:12:53.280 but they all have to have

00:12:54.320 kind of like the way

00:12:55.420 to get through strife easier.

00:12:56.740 When you face a lot of stuff like that,

00:12:58.500 you just,

00:12:59.080 you see that in tough cities.

00:13:00.540 You know,

00:13:00.700 Baltimore,

00:13:01.700 just like tough people,

00:13:03.080 man.

00:13:03.420 That's a tough town to live in.

00:13:04.460 Baltimore is a tough town to live in,

00:13:05.940 dude.

00:13:06.340 Baltimore is the only show I ever had

00:13:08.280 where they had to stop the show

00:13:09.420 because people were fighting

00:13:10.180 in the audience is Baltimore.

00:13:12.380 Was that for a comedy factory?

00:13:13.940 Is that what it was?

00:13:14.440 Or no,

00:13:14.760 what was that?

00:13:15.020 I don't remember what it was.

00:13:16.040 I can't remember the name of that club.

00:13:17.400 The Power and Light District.

00:13:18.600 Somebody got shot while I was in Baltimore

00:13:20.300 in that area.

00:13:22.160 The day that I got into Baltimore,

00:13:23.760 somebody got shot.

00:13:24.480 And I was,

00:13:24.960 I remember talking to the manager

00:13:26.120 and being like,

00:13:27.240 man,

00:13:27.460 that's nuts,

00:13:28.180 right?

00:13:28.380 And he's like,

00:13:29.280 not really.

00:13:31.520 That's not too uncommon.

00:13:32.900 He was like,

00:13:33.300 it happens,

00:13:34.020 you know.

00:13:34.400 I was like,

00:13:34.900 I hope it doesn't happen this weekend.

00:13:36.260 He's like,

00:13:36.480 no,

00:13:36.660 they got one out of the way.

00:13:38.200 There'll be extra security all weekend.

00:13:40.200 Where did I just come back from?

00:13:41.180 That was a,

00:13:42.600 I was just in Indianapolis.

00:13:44.480 It's a strange city.

00:13:46.200 Yeah.

00:13:46.400 It's a wild,

00:13:47.020 strange city.

00:13:47.600 Yeah,

00:13:47.760 I could,

00:13:48.020 I've never been,

00:13:48.660 I'd never been to Indiana

00:13:49.720 other than crossing the border

00:13:51.660 when we were in high school

00:13:52.300 to buy cigarettes and booze.

00:13:53.780 Oh,

00:13:53.960 y'all had to go over there?

00:13:55.080 You were from Chicago?

00:13:55.820 Where were you guys

00:13:56.100 going to like buy Notre Dame

00:13:57.600 or something?

00:13:57.940 Did you guys ever go there?

00:13:58.740 I went to Notre Dame one time.

00:14:00.520 Wow.

00:14:00.620 But when you cross the border

00:14:01.660 in Indiana,

00:14:02.260 you would get,

00:14:02.640 people go for cigarettes

00:14:03.500 and stuff

00:14:04.480 because everything's cheaper.

00:14:05.300 Everything was cheaper there.

00:14:06.180 Oh.

00:14:07.040 It was just way cheaper

00:14:07.760 and then people would go,

00:14:09.600 it's just,

00:14:10.240 there was less rules in Indiana.

00:14:11.840 Like they just cared

00:14:12.500 a little bit less.

00:14:13.320 Yeah.

00:14:13.820 Oh,

00:14:14.040 I could see that.

00:14:14.840 But they were more lenient

00:14:16.600 about selling illegally.

00:14:19.020 Most places,

00:14:19.760 things get certainly

00:14:20.660 a little bit more lenient.

00:14:21.960 Out here,

00:14:22.840 sometimes I can't figure out

00:14:24.060 what it is about LA that,

00:14:25.760 because there's a lot of things

00:14:26.640 that I do like about it.

00:14:27.820 It's like give the opportunity,

00:14:29.200 you know?

00:14:29.380 Yeah.

00:14:29.480 It's like I can go do comedy

00:14:30.620 anytime.

00:14:31.180 I get to be around like

00:14:32.160 really funny people

00:14:34.180 that like I look up to

00:14:35.320 and admire,

00:14:36.040 you know?

00:14:36.440 Right.

00:14:36.600 And then also like

00:14:39.580 diversity is so different here.

00:14:41.240 It's like here,

00:14:42.060 it's like,

00:14:42.800 yeah,

00:14:43.040 there's a lot of

00:14:43.620 different ethnicities.

00:14:44.480 Everybody kind of gets along.

00:14:45.900 It's pretty chill.

00:14:47.060 There's not really like race.

00:14:48.760 I don't ever feel like

00:14:49.960 racial tension here really.

00:14:51.840 Yeah,

00:14:51.940 but I think it's also

00:14:52.420 because there's a lot of,

00:14:53.220 this city is pretty segregated

00:14:54.680 in a weird way.

00:14:55.040 Oh,

00:14:55.220 it's definitely segregated,

00:14:56.420 no doubt.

00:14:56.800 So that's why I don't think

00:14:57.360 there's a lot of tension here

00:14:58.320 because it's almost like

00:14:59.400 people stick to their

00:15:01.000 neighborhoods here,

00:15:01.920 right?

00:15:02.140 Like you go in a Latinx, 1.00

00:15:06.060 you go in a Mexican neighborhood

00:15:07.260 and it's almost all Mexican

00:15:09.920 and then a little bit of Korean,

00:15:11.800 but then Koreatowns,

00:15:12.720 all Korean.

00:15:13.720 I feel like when you go

00:15:14.680 to other cities like New York

00:15:15.660 or Chicago,

00:15:17.380 it's a lot more mixed.

00:15:19.200 I mean,

00:15:19.500 it's segregated still.

00:15:20.700 Yeah.

00:15:21.160 But it's like you almost

00:15:22.740 don't have a choice

00:15:23.260 but to interact

00:15:23.760 because of public transportation.

00:15:25.520 We don't do that here.

00:15:26.600 Right.

00:15:27.100 If there was more

00:15:27.720 public transportation,

00:15:29.140 more races would interact here

00:15:31.020 because people of all colors

00:15:32.880 of working class levels

00:15:34.380 that need to use it,

00:15:35.600 you just have to interact.

00:15:37.240 Or even as people

00:15:37.920 looking for stuff,

00:15:38.800 if people were like

00:15:39.540 outdoors,

00:15:40.840 you know,

00:15:41.240 like.

00:15:42.460 Everyone's in the car.

00:15:43.680 Doing,

00:15:44.220 yeah.

00:15:44.740 Yeah,

00:15:44.980 everybody's in the car.

00:15:45.960 You can't even,

00:15:46.860 if you see somebody

00:15:47.760 walking here,

00:15:48.420 you're like, 1.00

00:15:48.780 damn, 1.00

00:15:49.220 you know. 1.00

00:15:49.480 You feel bad.

00:15:49.940 Hope they're okay.

00:15:50.620 Yeah,

00:15:50.820 you feel bad.

00:15:51.060 And it's just some guy

00:15:51.580 walking to the store.

00:15:54.060 Going grocery shopping.

00:15:55.040 Who did I see walking?

00:15:55.820 I saw a comic walking today

00:15:56.960 in the rain.

00:15:57.080 Oh,

00:15:57.160 it's so weird

00:15:57.740 when you see somebody

00:15:58.360 walking that you know.

00:15:59.320 You're like, 1.00

00:15:59.540 damn. 0.99

00:15:59.560 It's so strange. 1.00

00:16:00.520 I want to,

00:16:00.860 I speed up

00:16:01.500 so they don't see me.

00:16:02.800 I don't want them to see.

00:16:03.780 I don't want to,

00:16:04.460 I don't want to have that weird,

00:16:06.480 hey,

00:16:07.240 we,

00:16:07.580 it's too little time to talk.

00:16:09.220 So you just have to keep going.

00:16:10.600 Have you seen someone in public

00:16:11.680 that you made eye contact with

00:16:12.720 that you know

00:16:13.120 that you just don't,

00:16:13.760 you don't say hi,

00:16:14.480 you guys just keep moving?

00:16:16.380 There's a lot of people

00:16:17.180 I feel like that I know by face

00:16:18.700 but I don't know who they are

00:16:19.820 and I can't remember

00:16:20.580 how I know them

00:16:21.380 or anything.

00:16:22.500 And so you just avoid it?

00:16:23.680 No,

00:16:23.860 no,

00:16:23.940 no.

00:16:24.060 I'll kind of engage a little.

00:16:25.440 Sometimes I'll go into

00:16:26.140 a deep conversation.

00:16:27.460 I've always had a tough time

00:16:28.540 of knowing like how well

00:16:29.620 I know people or not,

00:16:30.680 you know?

00:16:31.420 Like I remember one time

00:16:32.420 I went to somebody's

00:16:33.180 like baby's christening

00:16:34.420 or something

00:16:34.880 and they're like, 0.99

00:16:35.540 what in the fuck 1.00

00:16:36.160 are you doing here, 1.00

00:16:36.980 dude?

00:16:37.220 Like you don't even 0.99

00:16:37.800 fucking know us, 0.99

00:16:39.180 you know? 0.99

00:16:40.160 And I was like, 1.00

00:16:40.880 oh shit, 1.00

00:16:41.500 man. 1.00

00:16:42.860 But you were being nice.

00:16:44.740 You're like,

00:16:44.960 I just want to see

00:16:45.440 the baby get birthed.

00:16:46.200 Like I want to see

00:16:47.120 this,

00:16:47.380 the blessing,

00:16:47.860 you know?

00:16:48.280 Well,

00:16:48.580 I want,

00:16:48.940 yeah,

00:16:49.060 dude,

00:16:49.340 look,

00:16:49.700 bruh,

00:16:50.280 and the baptism,

00:16:51.340 dude,

00:16:51.540 I freaking still remember,

00:16:52.740 dude,

00:16:53.720 I remember taking a couple extra sips

00:16:55.300 when I was under that water,

00:16:56.320 bruh.

00:16:56.720 You were guzzling.

00:16:58.080 I'm staying down there.

00:17:00.320 I remember the first time

00:17:01.140 I stole one of those,

00:17:01.980 the blood of Christ

00:17:03.840 at a Catholic church.

00:17:05.640 Because you,

00:17:06.020 did you do some altar boying?

00:17:07.560 No,

00:17:07.920 I did none of that.

00:17:08.660 Really?

00:17:09.120 We weren't Catholic,

00:17:09.820 really.

00:17:10.260 Dude,

00:17:10.500 you should do a series

00:17:11.460 about being a taller altar,

00:17:12.680 like a,

00:17:13.160 you know.

00:17:13.480 The tallest altar boy?

00:17:14.300 Yeah.

00:17:14.860 The tall boy?

00:17:16.200 The taller boy?

00:17:17.160 The taltor boy?

00:17:17.920 Yeah,

00:17:18.180 the taltor boy.

00:17:19.760 Dude,

00:17:19.960 I could tell you totally,

00:17:21.840 because let me just say this,

00:17:22.720 anytime people look at you,

00:17:23.700 they think you've done altar boying.

00:17:24.840 Do you think that did it?

00:17:25.580 I think so.

00:17:26.480 I did it,

00:17:27.200 so I know my kind.

00:17:28.020 Oh,

00:17:28.260 really?

00:17:29.600 You were an altar boy?

00:17:30.120 Yeah,

00:17:30.380 yeah.

00:17:31.080 I was safe,

00:17:31.660 though.

00:17:31.800 I think they knew I would squeal.

00:17:32.800 Is that why you got that one wandering eye?

00:17:35.880 I'm just learning about this,

00:17:37.200 so.

00:17:38.560 He has to refocus every couple of seconds,

00:17:40.640 you know,

00:17:40.880 so you see it recheck a little bit.

00:17:42.340 Oh,

00:17:42.480 just checking for the,

00:17:43.280 yeah.

00:17:43.560 Uh-huh.

00:17:43.860 He's good,

00:17:44.300 but he's good,

00:17:44.680 because he's got his eyes on a swivel.

00:17:46.400 Eyes on the Lord looking for the devil.

00:17:47.780 He's always looking for the devil.

00:17:48.760 That's why.

00:17:49.140 He's a smart cat.

00:17:50.000 No,

00:17:50.260 we weren't Catholic enough

00:17:51.420 for me to be a part of the church.

00:17:53.120 I also got asked to leave Sunday school

00:17:55.260 multiple times.

00:17:56.820 I could see that,

00:17:57.580 though.

00:17:57.660 I just didn't enjoy the content.

00:18:00.060 Yeah?

00:18:00.360 I just was like,

00:18:01.540 I was always,

00:18:02.680 I questioned everything.

00:18:04.340 That's why I like Jews. 0.98

00:18:05.740 That's part of their religion

00:18:06.580 is to question more.

00:18:07.860 Catholics are like, 1.00

00:18:08.480 don't ask.

00:18:09.340 Yeah.

00:18:09.620 It's none of your business. 0.98

00:18:11.160 Jews are like, 1.00

00:18:11.760 inquire, 0.85

00:18:12.260 inquire.

00:18:12.820 Yeah,

00:18:13.000 let's see what's going on.

00:18:13.820 Let's figure this out.

00:18:14.680 Yeah,

00:18:14.960 they're all detectives.

00:18:16.440 But sometimes the questions just go too far,

00:18:18.100 and it's like,

00:18:18.400 whoa,

00:18:18.720 dude,

00:18:18.980 everything.

00:18:19.560 Yeah,

00:18:19.920 slow down.

00:18:20.620 Let's chill out,

00:18:21.080 dude,

00:18:21.200 it's just yogurt.

00:18:22.880 You don't need to get the fingerprint kit out.

00:18:25.360 Yeah,

00:18:25.560 for Catholics,

00:18:26.080 no,

00:18:26.200 we weren't Catholic enough to be an altar.

00:18:27.600 How many years did you do it,

00:18:28.700 Nick?

00:18:29.140 All grade school,

00:18:30.500 so K through six.

00:18:31.540 Wow.

00:18:32.100 I'm not going to ask you the embarrassing,

00:18:33.480 obvious,

00:18:34.060 cheap question,

00:18:34.860 but was it traumatic at all?

00:18:36.320 Did you hate it?

00:18:37.000 I said I think I was safe

00:18:38.400 because they thought I would tell

00:18:39.860 if anything happened.

00:18:40.780 Sure,

00:18:41.100 you look like a snitch. 0.89

00:18:42.360 Yeah,

00:18:42.460 I wouldn't let that happen to me.

00:18:44.100 The church was so mean,

00:18:45.540 because my mom,

00:18:47.280 I mean,

00:18:47.500 all my family went to Catholic school, 1.00

00:18:49.800 and the nuns would beat their ass. 1.00

00:18:51.840 Oh yeah, 1.00

00:18:52.180 nuns are gangsters. 1.00

00:18:52.980 I'm saying beat, 1.00

00:18:53.380 like smack them in the face. 1.00

00:18:54.680 Wow. 1.00

00:18:55.080 They would smack my mother in the face. 1.00

00:18:56.600 My mom said it was a totally normal thing

00:18:58.100 and no one would say anything.

00:18:59.400 If you,

00:19:00.420 so much as like made a,

00:19:01.760 like one of those things, 0.64

00:19:03.080 they would crack you in the mouth.

00:19:04.640 But now people question,

00:19:06.140 there's so much more questioning of the Lord

00:19:07.780 or questioning of like any sort of like

00:19:09.600 mainstream parameters,

00:19:13.580 it feels like,

00:19:14.300 you know,

00:19:14.780 questioning of police,

00:19:15.960 questioning of teachers.

00:19:16.940 Well,

00:19:17.300 authorities always had a,

00:19:19.000 society's always had a problem with authority.

00:19:20.660 Yeah.

00:19:21.080 And we want,

00:19:21.560 we want to know why they're,

00:19:22.720 they treat people certain ways.

00:19:24.220 I mean,

00:19:25.660 power is bias,

00:19:27.000 right?

00:19:27.360 So authority is going to be bias as well.

00:19:29.280 Who you are negative and positive to

00:19:31.480 is inherently going to be part of your

00:19:33.540 chemical makeup and your bias towards

00:19:35.420 who you like and dislike.

00:19:36.500 And all that stuff is deep rooted in

00:19:38.800 where you come from,

00:19:40.340 who you were raised around.

00:19:41.300 So that's,

00:19:41.840 it's just inherent for us to question

00:19:43.120 authoritative figures because

00:19:44.180 who gives anybody the right

00:19:45.580 to tell someone what to do.

00:19:46.980 You know what I mean?

00:19:47.560 Yeah.

00:19:47.700 It's kind of like when they say

00:19:48.280 there's no bias in,

00:19:49.100 in refereeing or,

00:19:50.240 or umpiring, 1.00

00:19:51.320 it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard 1.00

00:19:52.500 in my life. 1.00

00:19:52.920 You think there is?

00:19:53.660 Of a hundred percent.

00:19:54.840 Because regardless of,

00:19:56.500 if,

00:19:56.820 if,

00:19:57.300 if you're,

00:19:57.820 if you're a referee

00:19:59.120 and you're refereeing a Kentucky game

00:20:03.160 and a Arizona game,

00:20:05.260 whatever the sport is,

00:20:06.600 you will have inherently

00:20:08.000 one closer relationship

00:20:10.260 to one of those two places

00:20:11.460 because of a friend,

00:20:12.820 a family,

00:20:13.120 you know,

00:20:13.280 something.

00:20:13.920 See,

00:20:14.100 you're gonna just,

00:20:14.920 there's gonna be something in there.

00:20:16.500 Like a moment in your,

00:20:17.560 yeah,

00:20:17.780 like,

00:20:18.060 oh,

00:20:18.260 this could have gone either way.

00:20:19.220 I'm gonna give it that way.

00:20:19.980 I could,

00:20:20.140 that's true.

00:20:20.960 I just,

00:20:21.240 I just don't believe there is a non, 1.00

00:20:22.560 there's no non-bias 1.00

00:20:23.960 in,

00:20:24.780 in,

00:20:25.060 in judging an authority.

00:20:26.180 It just can't exist.

00:20:27.060 That's why,

00:20:27.320 that's why,

00:20:27.700 um,

00:20:28.560 jury duty is bananas.

00:20:29.900 It's crazy to ask the people.

00:20:31.340 I think that's the crazy,

00:20:32.300 it should be a computer.

00:20:32.740 Well,

00:20:32.840 now it's crazier than ever.

00:20:34.240 Yeah.

00:20:34.600 Because now it's like you have people

00:20:36.120 that are really more like,

00:20:37.980 okay,

00:20:38.400 I'm over here,

00:20:39.520 I'm over here.

00:20:40.580 Like,

00:20:40.960 if you walked into a jury now,

00:20:42.580 you're gonna look at the jurors

00:20:44.120 and be like, 1.00

00:20:44.960 fuck, 1.00

00:20:45.480 like, 1.00

00:20:46.060 fuck, 1.00

00:20:47.220 no, 1.00

00:20:47.540 dude,

00:20:47.680 I don't stand a chance here

00:20:49.000 or I do stand a chance here.

00:20:50.360 Or I'm gonna get away with murder.

00:20:51.640 Yeah.

00:20:51.980 You either,

00:20:52.300 you,

00:20:52.440 you,

00:20:52.640 you're right though.

00:20:53.460 I think society is doing,

00:20:54.400 is doing this thing now

00:20:55.340 where it's more,

00:20:56.800 people are so much more defined.

00:20:58.320 Like,

00:20:58.720 there's,

00:20:59.000 for some reason,

00:20:59.780 people are so angry

00:21:00.840 at the opposition,

00:21:02.900 whatever they dislike,

00:21:04.180 that they want to go

00:21:04.980 as far as they can

00:21:06.180 away from them

00:21:07.580 when you should be getting

00:21:08.900 a little bit closer

00:21:09.440 to find out

00:21:10.180 why they feel that way.

00:21:11.960 I don't know,

00:21:12.520 man.

00:21:12.860 There's a lack of empathy sometimes.

00:21:14.400 It's just like,

00:21:14.720 there's definitely become,

00:21:16.180 and somebody said

00:21:16.900 they were trying to make

00:21:17.540 virtual reality

00:21:18.360 so you could empathize

00:21:19.400 with the way

00:21:19.800 that other people are.

00:21:20.920 Oh,

00:21:21.120 that's kind of cool.

00:21:21.380 Like,

00:21:21.400 some company was trying

00:21:22.100 to make virtual reality

00:21:22.960 so you know how it is

00:21:23.960 to be Mexican

00:21:25.080 and you know how it is 0.93

00:21:25.660 to be black

00:21:26.280 and you know how it is 0.80

00:21:26.920 to like,

00:21:27.320 you know,

00:21:28.000 be no arms or whatever,

00:21:29.560 you know,

00:21:29.760 have,

00:21:30.020 you know,

00:21:30.340 nothing or can't read

00:21:31.460 or something.

00:21:31.860 And I'm like,

00:21:33.220 well, 1.00

00:21:33.600 fuck, 1.00

00:21:33.880 dude, 1.00

00:21:34.000 nobody's going to play

00:21:34.520 that game.

00:21:35.340 You know what I'm saying?

00:21:36.300 No.

00:21:37.160 For some reason,

00:21:38.620 a lot of these white guys

00:21:39.380 aren't playing this game.

00:21:39.980 That sounds like

00:21:40.620 the worst game.

00:21:43.440 Bro,

00:21:43.580 you know who doesn't

00:21:44.080 get enough credit?

00:21:45.140 Mexican people,

00:21:46.060 dude.

00:21:46.260 I love Mexican people.

00:21:47.200 Bro,

00:21:47.460 everything in Los Angeles,

00:21:49.480 the predomination

00:21:50.800 of the workforce 0.98

00:21:51.480 is Mexican.

00:21:52.380 The reason we're

00:21:53.300 in operation

00:21:54.140 is because of Mexican people.

00:21:55.340 If,

00:21:55.600 if,

00:21:56.400 if Mexican people

00:21:57.420 literally left

00:21:58.800 Southern California,

00:22:01.000 nothing would

00:22:01.720 function.

00:22:02.540 I'm dead, 0.98

00:22:03.040 I'm dead ass serious. 0.95

00:22:04.240 Yeah.

00:22:04.520 They could easily

00:22:05.180 change the minimum wage

00:22:05.900 that they want.

00:22:06.280 If they all just said,

00:22:07.240 yeah,

00:22:07.420 if they took a knee.

00:22:08.280 Yeah.

00:22:08.560 Like if they protested,

00:22:09.740 I mean,

00:22:09.960 think about every meal,

00:22:11.080 almost every meal I eat

00:22:12.340 is cooked.

00:22:15.540 Predominantly,

00:22:16.000 there's a lot of Mexican cooks. 1.00

00:22:18.420 A lot of Mexicans

00:22:19.380 take our caretakers of, 0.97

00:22:21.320 you know,

00:22:22.420 everything from labor jobs

00:22:24.500 to hospice,

00:22:26.400 hospital jobs.

00:22:27.180 I mean,

00:22:27.340 your fields

00:22:27.920 from grapes to fricking raisins

00:22:29.460 to human raisins,

00:22:30.480 bro.

00:22:30.740 Senior citizens,

00:22:31.400 human raisins,

00:22:32.260 everything.

00:22:32.940 It never,

00:22:33.420 it's just like,

00:22:34.800 man,

00:22:35.160 and I was thinking,

00:22:35.780 but it's like,

00:22:36.560 that's,

00:22:36.780 it's not racist to say that.

00:22:38.360 Why would it be?

00:22:39.100 Yeah.

00:22:39.560 They're part,

00:22:39.960 they're,

00:22:40.220 they're a product.

00:22:40.840 We're giving credit

00:22:41.680 to a predominant workforce.

00:22:43.120 There are hardworking people

00:22:44.680 who find the jobs

00:22:46.620 that work

00:22:47.280 for what they can,

00:22:48.900 what they can,

00:22:49.960 what they can give

00:22:50.880 versus,

00:22:51.660 and I'm not trying to be,

00:22:52.460 you know,

00:22:52.740 this dude,

00:22:53.160 but a lot of Americans,

00:22:54.680 especially Americans

00:22:55.180 that were like,

00:22:55.600 taking our jobs.

00:22:56.520 A lot of those Americans

00:22:57.360 didn't try for those jobs anymore.

00:22:59.700 So you can't be mad at people

00:23:00.760 that were hardworking,

00:23:02.900 that wanted something.

00:23:04.260 You can't be angry about that.

00:23:05.540 Yeah,

00:23:05.680 I never get,

00:23:06.400 hardworking is my favorite

00:23:07.720 attribute of anybody.

00:23:09.760 Yeah,

00:23:09.960 if you just are,

00:23:11.280 if you'll stop at nothing

00:23:12.600 to just continue to work hard

00:23:14.740 and get new work,

00:23:15.960 I don't know how you can be

00:23:16.640 so mad at that.

00:23:17.300 It's your own fault.

00:23:18.060 You get in your own way.

00:23:19.360 But people want to get lazy

00:23:20.320 and then they complain.

00:23:21.220 Yeah.

00:23:21.480 There's not enough work

00:23:22.540 and if somebody's taking my jobs,

00:23:24.020 I don't,

00:23:24.460 I promise they're not taking

00:23:25.660 your specific,

00:23:26.340 and by the way,

00:23:27.000 there's always new jobs

00:23:27.820 being worked out.

00:23:29.260 Someone's figuring out

00:23:29.980 a new job somewhere.

00:23:31.240 I think people just get lazy

00:23:32.200 and it's easier to complain.

00:23:33.660 It's way easier to complain.

00:23:34.760 Oh, yeah.

00:23:35.360 Than to do anything.

00:23:36.100 Oh, I do it like,

00:23:36.940 I notice about myself,

00:23:38.280 I notice I'll do it like

00:23:39.140 with the industry and stuff,

00:23:40.540 you know?

00:23:41.280 It's like,

00:23:42.300 just having,

00:23:42.840 because I have a chip

00:23:43.320 on my shoulder a lot of times

00:23:44.260 about the industry.

00:23:45.180 Do you though still?

00:23:46.380 Yeah,

00:23:46.720 I think it just carried over,

00:23:48.620 you know?

00:23:48.940 I think a lot of it,

00:23:49.920 I think just from feeling,

00:23:51.620 you know,

00:23:51.840 over years of feeling like,

00:23:52.860 oh, I didn't get a chance,

00:23:54.000 you know,

00:23:54.260 so many people get chances

00:23:55.640 that it seems like they,

00:23:57.880 you would get a chance,

00:23:58.880 you know,

00:23:59.120 you would get more

00:23:59.640 of an opportunity

00:24:00.160 that even when I do

00:24:01.080 have opportunities,

00:24:01.840 I don't notice them

00:24:02.660 because I'm still stuck

00:24:03.480 in that mindset sometimes,

00:24:04.860 you know?

00:24:04.960 I feel that,

00:24:05.480 but I mean,

00:24:05.840 what would you want

00:24:07.060 differently now?

00:24:08.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:24:08.620 Yeah.

00:24:08.780 What would it be differently

00:24:09.600 at this point?

00:24:10.560 You know what's funny?

00:24:11.340 Sometimes I don't even know

00:24:12.600 and I will still.

00:24:14.220 Still get mad about it?

00:24:15.180 Have that edge, yeah.

00:24:16.080 That's funny.

00:24:16.900 So yeah,

00:24:17.180 I'm just saying like I can,

00:24:18.220 that I relate to what

00:24:19.240 you're saying there

00:24:19.740 because yeah,

00:24:21.840 it's just easier

00:24:22.920 sometimes to complain

00:24:23.640 and here's the thing,

00:24:24.860 a lot of times

00:24:25.100 I don't even notice

00:24:25.740 it about myself.

00:24:26.780 You don't know

00:24:27.180 you're doing it.

00:24:27.700 Yeah,

00:24:27.960 that you have this like,

00:24:28.640 kind of like,

00:24:29.220 it's not a self-pity thing

00:24:30.560 but it's like,

00:24:32.060 it's easier to keep

00:24:33.080 that ball in the air

00:24:34.160 than to let it,

00:24:37.800 you know,

00:24:38.300 than to get over

00:24:39.360 whatever it is

00:24:40.440 and take advantage

00:24:41.780 of your opportunities.

00:24:43.240 I mean,

00:24:43.440 I was talking to someone

00:24:44.060 the other day,

00:24:44.420 I won't mention their name

00:24:45.220 but they were talking

00:24:46.860 to me about how

00:24:47.580 somebody had kind of

00:24:48.440 hurt them.

00:24:49.040 And you can say 0.72

00:24:49.540 who it is, dude.

00:24:50.860 He doesn't,

00:24:51.380 he probably wants

00:24:51.820 to keep it private.

00:24:52.560 Oh,

00:24:52.800 I thought it was

00:24:53.080 Tulsi Gabbard.

00:24:53.920 It is.

00:24:54.960 Yeah,

00:24:55.300 Kamala Harris,

00:24:55.800 she was talking to me,

00:24:56.260 she was like, 1.00

00:24:56.520 that bitch hurt me bad 1.00

00:24:57.960 and I said, 1.00

00:24:58.520 she's got that bus now. 0.85

00:25:00.100 Anybody riding on it?

00:25:02.300 She got a bus

00:25:02.960 and then she dropped out.

00:25:03.800 Wasn't that hilarious?

00:25:04.360 That was the funniest video

00:25:04.940 I've ever seen in my life.

00:25:06.260 She's like,

00:25:06.600 look at my bus

00:25:07.740 and then like two minutes later

00:25:08.960 she was like,

00:25:09.520 she dropped out. 1.00

00:25:10.680 I think that bitch 1.00

00:25:11.500 just wanted a bus. 1.00

00:25:12.320 That's all it is.

00:25:15.220 Dude,

00:25:16.380 I love policies 0.95

00:25:17.460 getting so fucking good, 0.96

00:25:18.820 bro. 0.98

00:25:19.140 It is.

00:25:19.460 So many people

00:25:20.340 are getting in.

00:25:20.920 So funny.

00:25:21.420 And for all of these candidates,

00:25:22.980 especially like

00:25:23.560 Democratic candidates

00:25:24.420 have all just like,

00:25:25.360 they're all just

00:25:26.180 canceling each other out

00:25:27.140 before they even have

00:25:27.900 a chance.

00:25:29.320 How many Republicans

00:25:30.420 you know are running,

00:25:31.220 by the way?

00:25:31.920 How many can you name?

00:25:33.440 None,

00:25:33.860 I don't think.

00:25:34.280 Isn't that funny?

00:25:35.360 But I can name you

00:25:35.920 10 Democrats

00:25:36.980 who are like putting

00:25:37.780 their hat in the ring now.

00:25:39.200 I mean,

00:25:39.480 Mike Bloomberg

00:25:40.180 is putting all these ads out.

00:25:41.260 Bloomberg got in.

00:25:41.800 He's,

00:25:42.060 well,

00:25:42.320 I think he's,

00:25:43.080 he stands the best chance,

00:25:43.960 but I think Sanders

00:25:44.620 stands,

00:25:44.880 stands your best chance

00:25:45.760 over there.

00:25:47.200 I guess,

00:25:48.020 man.

00:25:48.200 I don't know.

00:25:48.720 I think a lot of people

00:25:49.260 have a big issue with,

00:25:50.180 oh,

00:25:51.600 with his platforms.

00:25:52.440 I just,

00:25:53.020 I think just because

00:25:53.780 he went on Rogan

00:25:54.620 and people got to hear him

00:25:55.920 in like a real sense,

00:25:57.060 I think you definitely

00:25:57.700 by that episode,

00:25:58.500 you got to know him more.

00:25:59.640 I'm just saying that he,

00:26:00.700 I don't think he stands

00:26:01.440 a chance to win,

00:26:02.440 but I think he just

00:26:03.500 stands a chance

00:26:04.020 to get their nomination.

00:26:05.800 That's all I mean.

00:26:06.940 Yeah,

00:26:07.080 that's probably true.

00:26:07.880 I think,

00:26:08.300 you know what?

00:26:08.580 I think the,

00:26:09.220 I was trying to,

00:26:10.540 I was trying to talk

00:26:11.160 about it on stage.

00:26:11.880 I was trying to figure this out.

00:26:12.560 I think the like,

00:26:13.900 I think the country

00:26:14.840 would love a regular,

00:26:17.000 you know how they say

00:26:17.540 Donald Trump is a regular dude?

00:26:18.980 You know,

00:26:19.160 like he's a guy,

00:26:19.740 he's an all-American.

00:26:20.860 He's really not.

00:26:21.800 Right.

00:26:22.080 I think they really want 0.99

00:26:22.860 a regular ass dude. 0.99

00:26:24.100 Yeah. 0.99

00:26:24.280 I think the country

00:26:24.780 would benefit.

00:26:26.060 Darren.

00:26:27.140 Darren from Des Moines,

00:26:28.340 Iowa.

00:26:28.780 Yeah.

00:26:29.400 Who just is.

00:26:30.060 Or Daniel.

00:26:30.480 Daniel.

00:26:31.000 He's just doing it.

00:26:31.820 Yeah.

00:26:32.360 I think they ready for a dude.

00:26:33.600 I can't talk about this all day,

00:26:34.660 man.

00:26:34.820 I got to work,

00:26:35.800 man.

00:26:36.080 Yeah.

00:26:36.320 People are like,

00:26:36.700 oh, 0.98

00:26:36.840 I fucking respect that. 0.98

00:26:37.820 The president's going to talk 0.98

00:26:38.620 from six to seven

00:26:39.420 when he gets off of work.

00:26:40.360 Yeah.

00:26:40.460 And he doesn't do press conferences

00:26:41.380 because he's like,

00:26:41.840 I'm busy, bro.

00:26:42.700 I'm cooking my kids breakfast.

00:26:44.000 Yeah.

00:26:44.220 Like,

00:26:44.860 it'd be nice to have a president

00:26:46.060 who didn't have all those,

00:26:47.920 like the private chef

00:26:49.360 and the drivers

00:26:50.020 and all that stuff.

00:26:50.600 It's just like,

00:26:51.440 that they,

00:26:51.800 it'd be nice to have a president

00:26:52.720 of the people

00:26:53.200 who literally was like,

00:26:54.340 has their normal people schedule. 0.99

00:26:56.040 Because then he could bitch 1.00

00:26:56.780 about real ass shit. 1.00

00:26:57.780 Yeah. 1.00

00:26:58.400 If he was like,

00:26:59.040 nah, man,

00:26:59.380 my kid,

00:26:59.680 the traffic was crazy today.

00:27:01.640 Yeah.

00:27:01.860 I was trying to take my kid

00:27:02.580 to school and then,

00:27:04.040 you know,

00:27:04.340 the window,

00:27:04.860 I had to get the window panes redone.

00:27:06.260 Like,

00:27:06.380 it'd be funny to hear a president

00:27:07.480 talk like how average people

00:27:09.200 have to talk.

00:27:09.920 Yeah.

00:27:10.180 It would,

00:27:10.400 it would just feel more connected,

00:27:12.480 you know,

00:27:12.660 because everyone's like,

00:27:13.960 we need a businessman,

00:27:14.900 a businessman.

00:27:15.640 And then when Trump got in,

00:27:16.660 that's what they kept,

00:27:17.200 they kept rah-rah, 0.98

00:27:17.860 a businessman.

00:27:18.460 But now,

00:27:19.480 Democrats are trying to run

00:27:20.400 on that same platform,

00:27:22.180 ironically enough.

00:27:23.000 Like,

00:27:23.160 Bloomberg's whole commercial,

00:27:24.500 that's what he,

00:27:25.080 that's what he's pushing.

00:27:25.840 I'm a businessman,

00:27:26.920 but I'm a,

00:27:27.500 but I'm a liberal.

00:27:28.620 But it's like,

00:27:29.060 you're too late,

00:27:29.580 that game is gone.

00:27:30.880 You know what I mean?

00:27:31.280 That's not going to be the selling.

00:27:32.380 No,

00:27:32.660 no person in the middle

00:27:33.940 is going to go,

00:27:35.460 ah,

00:27:35.720 that's what we needed,

00:27:36.600 a liberal businessman.

00:27:37.900 Yeah.

00:27:38.140 That wasn't why they liked

00:27:39.160 Trump as a businessman.

00:27:40.140 It's the opposite.

00:27:40.800 They liked the fact

00:27:41.300 that he was cutthroat,

00:27:42.380 a cutthroat businessman.

00:27:43.280 Yeah.

00:27:43.580 You know?

00:27:44.120 Well,

00:27:44.340 I think things,

00:27:44.920 people then want things

00:27:45.740 to be more cutthroat.

00:27:46.900 I think that there's too much,

00:27:50.020 we,

00:27:50.460 we can do everything.

00:27:51.880 Yeah.

00:27:52.280 Because it's,

00:27:52.940 I think some of the proof

00:27:53.820 is starting to show up

00:27:54.420 in front of our faces

00:27:55.120 that we can't help

00:27:56.320 every person.

00:27:57.620 It's hard.

00:27:58.100 In the whole world.

00:27:59.200 It's hard.

00:27:59.340 We can't do,

00:28:00.300 and I know the goal

00:28:01.200 is to try to do that.

00:28:02.660 Yes,

00:28:02.940 you want to try

00:28:03.760 to help everyone,

00:28:05.120 you know?

00:28:05.700 But the reality of it is

00:28:07.920 that at a certain point,

00:28:09.260 I think it becomes,

00:28:11.580 it's impossible.

00:28:13.240 Yeah.

00:28:13.640 No,

00:28:13.940 it is.

00:28:14.380 It is literally impossible.

00:28:15.400 And so then you're like,

00:28:16.240 well,

00:28:16.420 we're America,

00:28:16.940 we should do it

00:28:17.480 at least by example.

00:28:18.700 And I agree,

00:28:19.600 it's just that

00:28:20.340 in some ways,

00:28:21.740 it's like,

00:28:22.940 in the end,

00:28:23.540 it comes down to us.

00:28:24.460 It's like,

00:28:24.880 we need to help each other.

00:28:27.680 We're politics,

00:28:28.480 we're the president,

00:28:30.340 we're the vice,

00:28:31.420 it's people.

00:28:32.660 Right.

00:28:33.160 It's people,

00:28:33.800 it's not some,

00:28:34.860 you know,

00:28:35.600 thing that's always going on

00:28:37.080 that we can all point fingers at

00:28:38.260 and blame.

00:28:38.840 It's people

00:28:39.520 and how we treat each other

00:28:40.780 and how we behave

00:28:41.780 that's either gonna make

00:28:45.940 or break this overall

00:28:47.140 earth program.

00:28:48.700 Yeah,

00:28:48.880 for sure.

00:28:49.160 Well,

00:28:49.440 I also think,

00:28:50.380 I think like,

00:28:51.440 like go back to like

00:28:52.280 how we started in villages,

00:28:53.620 you know,

00:28:53.780 like it takes a village,

00:28:54.720 that old phrase,

00:28:55.540 like it takes a village

00:28:56.420 to raise a child,

00:28:57.320 you know.

00:28:58.200 I think like when we had

00:28:59.660 smaller units and villages

00:29:01.680 and little bubbles, 0.84

00:29:03.120 they were more high functioning

00:29:04.820 because everyone kind of

00:29:05.700 served a purpose.

00:29:06.760 Well,

00:29:06.900 now we have so many people

00:29:08.060 and the village is so large now,

00:29:10.020 it's just difficult

00:29:10.880 and now we're trying to help out

00:29:12.180 not just our village

00:29:12.980 but a village 2,000 miles away,

00:29:15.100 another state.

00:29:16.080 That's really,

00:29:16.680 I think that's what's really hard

00:29:18.020 is other states trying to solve

00:29:19.640 other states' problems

00:29:20.600 on a federal level.

00:29:21.700 Yeah.

00:29:21.900 It's super difficult.

00:29:23.300 Well,

00:29:23.460 I love going back

00:29:24.080 to the state government,

00:29:24.980 you know.

00:29:25.400 I think it would help a lot.

00:29:26.460 I think it would help people

00:29:27.100 focus more on like,

00:29:28.400 you know,

00:29:29.080 what's going on more locally

00:29:30.240 with them.

00:29:30.800 Your village,

00:29:31.460 you need it,

00:29:31.900 we need more help

00:29:32.700 in our own villages.

00:29:33.540 It's really hard

00:29:34.240 to help other people.

00:29:35.260 I wish we could,

00:29:36.460 dude.

00:29:36.580 I'm not one of those people

00:29:37.420 that's like,

00:29:38.140 Yeah,

00:29:38.320 I wish we could too,

00:29:39.100 no doubt.

00:29:39.580 It's just so hard.

00:29:39.820 But also you have so many

00:29:40.980 errant people saying like,

00:29:42.520 well,

00:29:42.820 what about these people?

00:29:43.680 And it's a picture

00:29:44.180 of like nine people

00:29:45.620 starving in,

00:29:47.200 you know,

00:29:47.680 Viet Guam.

00:29:48.580 And you're like,

00:29:48.860 first of all,

00:29:49.280 that's not a place.

00:29:49.920 It's not a real country anymore.

00:29:51.480 They got rid of that,

00:29:52.460 bro.

00:29:52.620 And that picture could be

00:29:53.500 20 years old,

00:29:54.620 14 years,

00:29:55.460 like it just,

00:29:56.100 and somebody fires it off,

00:29:57.460 you know, 0.99

00:29:57.640 some angry little gay gentleman. 1.00

00:29:59.380 He's like, 0.91

00:29:59.540 what about these guys?

00:30:00.940 You know,

00:30:01.540 what about Terrence

00:30:02.540 and these other guys?

00:30:04.420 Nobody cares.

00:30:05.500 Nobody cares.

00:30:06.160 Yeah.

00:30:06.880 And it's like,

00:30:07.920 dude, 0.99

00:30:08.180 and so 7,000 fucking people 1.00

00:30:10.400 sitting somewhere 0.99

00:30:11.060 with no job retweeted.

00:30:12.760 Right.

00:30:13.040 And now that's a thing.

00:30:14.380 That's the new thing.

00:30:15.160 It's like,

00:30:15.500 that's not the thing,

00:30:16.420 dude.

00:30:16.660 The thing is,

00:30:17.780 how do I,

00:30:18.860 help myself

00:30:21.140 and how do I help

00:30:21.900 the people that are closest

00:30:22.740 to me,

00:30:23.120 I think.

00:30:23.660 Well,

00:30:23.820 yeah.

00:30:24.120 And if you have,

00:30:26.280 I don't think,

00:30:27.400 I don't think you should be

00:30:28.720 forced to help,

00:30:31.380 but I think it should be

00:30:32.460 encouraged

00:30:33.140 and it should be

00:30:34.100 a positive notion.

00:30:35.180 Right.

00:30:35.460 Like I'm not saying

00:30:36.000 everyone with tons of money

00:30:37.460 should give away

00:30:38.120 all their money,

00:30:38.820 but I think it should be like,

00:30:40.900 it should,

00:30:41.360 it should be a cooler notion.

00:30:42.720 Right.

00:30:43.240 You know how they try to make

00:30:44.560 not doing drugs cool.

00:30:45.960 You know how they're like,

00:30:46.440 say no to drugs.

00:30:47.240 Like that's cool.

00:30:48.240 Yeah.

00:30:48.640 It's like they tried that program.

00:30:50.220 It's like the idea should be more.

00:30:52.380 But that wasn't that.

00:30:53.420 It was cool.

00:30:54.340 It was,

00:30:54.720 they've tried it.

00:30:55.600 But do remember,

00:30:56.400 it would always be,

00:30:57.340 can you look up a say no to drugs,

00:30:59.620 dare,

00:31:00.440 dare program,

00:31:01.240 car wreck at school,

00:31:02.920 school car wreck.

00:31:03.960 They used to every,

00:31:04.980 every year,

00:31:05.760 bro,

00:31:05.900 they would bring this car wreck

00:31:08.300 to our school

00:31:08.720 and they would set it up

00:31:09.520 out on the phone.

00:31:09.980 Oh,

00:31:10.020 I'd see it.

00:31:10.540 Right.

00:31:10.740 A drunk,

00:31:11.040 a drunk driving car.

00:31:12.020 I know.

00:31:12.400 Yeah.

00:31:12.620 I remember that.

00:31:13.240 Yeah. 0.99

00:31:13.760 And then fucking Fat Lance, 0.99

00:31:16.160 dude, 0.99

00:31:16.420 and his wife who were like, 0.94

00:31:18.180 and that was the guy's name.

00:31:19.160 I'm not calling him Fat Dude.

00:31:20.120 His name was Fat Lance.

00:31:21.220 Yeah.

00:31:21.780 It was,

00:31:22.200 yeah, 0.99

00:31:22.460 it was a fucking eight letter, 0.99

00:31:23.620 eight letters on his birth certificate 0.99

00:31:25.220 and his first name.

00:31:26.500 And it was Fat Lance.

00:31:28.220 But they would drive up

00:31:29.600 with like the,

00:31:30.360 like just some bootleg,

00:31:32.100 like lights blaring

00:31:33.060 on the top of their truck

00:31:34.080 and be like,

00:31:34.700 oh my God,

00:31:35.740 what happened?

00:31:37.020 You know?

00:31:38.260 And then they would smell

00:31:39.320 the kid's breath.

00:31:40.580 They wouldn't even check

00:31:41.460 the kid's pulse or anything

00:31:42.440 to see if they were live.

00:31:43.600 Very unorganized.

00:31:44.740 Wanted to make sure he was drunk.

00:31:45.800 Yeah,

00:31:46.000 like, 1.00

00:31:46.340 oh damn, 1.00

00:31:46.940 he's drunk. 1.00

00:31:47.660 He's drunk and dead. 0.98

00:31:49.080 He's dead and drunk. 0.52

00:31:50.620 Were you looking for

00:31:51.280 a specific video?

00:31:52.060 Yeah,

00:31:52.080 can you just put a picture

00:31:52.680 up of it?

00:31:53.140 No.

00:31:53.460 Yeah.

00:31:55.340 West Hollywood does that too.

00:31:56.640 They still do that here.

00:31:57.180 Every school.

00:31:57.680 They put out cars

00:31:59.200 in the middle of the city

00:32:00.360 of drunk driving accidents.

00:32:01.340 Oh yeah?

00:32:01.920 Yeah,

00:32:02.040 they just put one out there

00:32:02.820 in front of the police station

00:32:03.680 every year.

00:32:04.720 Oh.

00:32:05.180 But it's also like,

00:32:06.440 why is it only one time

00:32:07.440 you think,

00:32:08.120 it happens all year round.

00:32:09.500 They just say

00:32:09.960 to the holidays

00:32:10.480 there's probably the most,

00:32:11.740 right there,

00:32:12.120 there's one at school,

00:32:12.840 right?

00:32:13.980 That's a painted,

00:32:14.920 yeah.

00:32:15.900 When they did ours,

00:32:17.560 it was always before prom

00:32:19.120 and the girl died

00:32:20.080 and then they played

00:32:20.840 Eric Clapton.

00:32:22.780 Tears in Heaven?

00:32:23.400 Yes,

00:32:23.800 yes.

00:32:24.640 If I saw you in heaven

00:32:27.100 dude,

00:32:28.020 I used to share a room

00:32:28.800 with a gentleman over there

00:32:29.760 outside of,

00:32:30.880 in the warehouse district

00:32:32.160 in New Orleans

00:32:32.560 when I went to Loyola

00:32:33.620 down there

00:32:34.260 and I just learned

00:32:37.240 Tears in Heaven

00:32:37.700 on the guitar

00:32:38.120 and he used to make me

00:32:38.700 come in the room

00:32:39.220 and play it for him

00:32:39.880 and his girl at night,

00:32:40.680 some lady he was banging.

00:32:41.920 Really?

00:32:42.380 Yeah.

00:32:42.600 I used to make my buddy

00:32:43.720 play Stairway to Heaven.

00:32:44.540 He would do Coke

00:32:45.100 and his fingers would bleed.

00:32:46.020 He'd strum the guitar so hard

00:32:47.380 that he'd be coked out

00:32:48.760 playing Stairway to Heaven.

00:32:50.340 I loved it so much.

00:32:51.600 I make him play it

00:32:52.160 over and over.

00:32:52.740 The best part about

00:32:53.220 your friends doing Coke

00:32:54.020 playing guitar,

00:32:54.800 they'll never not play the song.

00:32:56.580 Yeah,

00:32:57.020 that's true.

00:32:57.560 Then never put that thing down.

00:32:58.700 You'll go,

00:32:58.960 man,

00:32:59.100 play that song.

00:32:59.660 They'll go,

00:32:59.880 you want to play it again?

00:33:00.500 He's like,

00:33:00.680 yeah,

00:33:00.820 play that again.

00:33:01.680 They'll loop you

00:33:02.180 until you wake up

00:33:02.820 the next morning.

00:33:03.440 I just learned it

00:33:04.420 from when I go in there

00:33:05.240 and drop it three times

00:33:06.380 on him,

00:33:06.680 you know?

00:33:07.240 And then I would try

00:33:08.040 to play Every Rose

00:33:08.820 Has It Thorny

00:33:09.340 and be like,

00:33:09.700 no, no, no.

00:33:10.180 No, go back.

00:33:10.800 Let's go back

00:33:11.240 to the other one, dude.

00:33:12.140 Yeah. 0.82

00:33:12.420 That picture was so ridiculous 0.96

00:33:13.420 because it looked so, 0.98

00:33:14.460 they made it so fake.

00:33:16.620 Yeah,

00:33:17.000 can you bring that back up, Nick?

00:33:18.100 It was so fake.

00:33:20.140 That's why we laughed at that.

00:33:21.520 And they like,

00:33:21.980 and remember the counselors

00:33:23.320 or whoever,

00:33:23.980 it's like,

00:33:24.420 that's not funny.

00:33:25.440 You're like, 0.98

00:33:25.760 but that is ridiculous. 0.93

00:33:28.200 Yeah, 0.76

00:33:28.480 and they were always,

00:33:29.160 and I remember one year

00:33:30.040 they tried to make it

00:33:30.660 more ethnic in our town

00:33:31.920 and they were like,

00:33:32.480 yeah,

00:33:32.680 La Daryl couldn't handle 0.74

00:33:34.120 his liquor,

00:33:34.900 you know?

00:33:35.320 And you're like,

00:33:36.420 where,

00:33:37.080 what county was he from?

00:33:38.860 He was,

00:33:39.220 he came over,

00:33:40.420 two counties over,

00:33:41.340 La Daryl couldn't handle it. 0.96

00:33:42.480 Who is La Daryl?

00:33:44.580 Yeah,

00:33:44.780 let's go to that one

00:33:45.380 on the top right too, Nick.

00:33:46.920 Yeah,

00:33:47.180 that one,

00:33:47.620 right.

00:33:48.000 Yeah,

00:33:48.160 that's it.

00:33:49.300 That looks it.

00:33:50.900 Yeah,

00:33:51.560 the one person was always

00:33:53.000 like shuttled

00:33:55.220 through the windshield.

00:33:56.340 Yeah,

00:33:56.760 she wasn't wearing

00:33:57.980 her seatbelt.

00:33:58.820 Yeah.

00:33:59.880 That was their big,

00:34:00.620 you know what,

00:34:01.020 this is not,

00:34:02.000 this isn't funny,

00:34:03.100 but how crazy is it

00:34:04.600 that sometimes

00:34:05.040 when people aren't

00:34:05.660 wearing their seatbelt,

00:34:06.360 it's the only thing

00:34:07.140 that saves their life.

00:34:08.380 That's what blows my mind

00:34:09.460 when they're like,

00:34:09.980 oh,

00:34:10.100 it saves your life.

00:34:10.640 It's like,

00:34:11.120 people get flung out

00:34:11.900 of the car

00:34:12.340 and they say

00:34:13.080 if they stayed in the car,

00:34:14.180 it would have crushed them,

00:34:14.980 but they get thrown out,

00:34:16.460 you break every bone,

00:34:17.480 but they're still alive.

00:34:18.700 It's just,

00:34:19.060 it's like,

00:34:19.940 that's why I believe

00:34:21.080 the funkiness,

00:34:23.100 you can't predict

00:34:23.760 any of that stuff.

00:34:24.540 You're going

00:34:24.960 when you're going,

00:34:25.660 baby.

00:34:25.720 You think?

00:34:26.100 Oh,

00:34:26.380 you're going

00:34:26.880 when you're going.

00:34:28.060 I mean,

00:34:28.300 you can help,

00:34:29.160 you can help scenarios,

00:34:30.640 but I think

00:34:31.240 it's supposed to happen

00:34:32.480 for sure

00:34:33.000 when it's supposed

00:34:33.520 to happen.

00:34:34.640 I think it's

00:34:35.160 the universe,

00:34:35.760 man.

00:34:36.320 But do you think

00:34:36.800 it's preordained

00:34:37.760 or you think

00:34:38.280 it's just like

00:34:38.960 that's when

00:34:39.360 that roulette ball

00:34:40.580 drops right on you?

00:34:41.160 I think when that ball

00:34:41.780 drops,

00:34:42.100 I think when Jesus

00:34:42.640 wakes up and has

00:34:43.300 a bad day

00:34:43.820 and he looks at you

00:34:44.400 and he's like,

00:34:44.820 that one's gone.

00:34:45.500 Yeah.

00:34:45.940 That one's gone.

00:34:46.720 This guy's going

00:34:47.360 the frickin'.

00:34:47.880 This guy's got to go. 0.85

00:34:48.500 Oh,

00:34:48.700 this tall altar boy?

00:34:50.680 Gone.

00:34:51.160 Out.

00:34:51.720 This tall altar boy's

00:34:52.440 got to go.

00:34:53.600 This tall altar boy

00:34:54.380 with the wandering eye,

00:34:55.380 that kid's got to go.

00:34:55.980 This guy that's dunking

00:34:57.000 at all the Christian games,

00:34:58.260 he's out.

00:34:58.780 He's out. 1.00

00:34:59.400 Get his ass out of here. 1.00

00:35:01.520 We can't have that, man. 1.00

00:35:02.760 We can't have this

00:35:03.280 tall, thin altar boy.

00:35:04.660 Yeah,

00:35:04.800 I just think it's,

00:35:05.620 I don't think,

00:35:06.800 I don't like fate.

00:35:07.660 I don't like the word fate,

00:35:09.260 but I think,

00:35:10.460 I think things just happen

00:35:12.360 at random,

00:35:13.300 but there's no stopping them.

00:35:15.580 Do you think

00:35:16.200 you can do things

00:35:17.380 or behave

00:35:18.040 or operate

00:35:18.960 in a way in the world

00:35:20.100 that would make God

00:35:21.440 or higher power

00:35:22.160 keep you?

00:35:23.680 Here longer?

00:35:24.300 Yeah.

00:35:24.620 No.

00:35:25.400 No,

00:35:25.640 because there's a lot of people

00:35:26.380 that do a lot of bad things

00:35:27.440 to other people

00:35:28.100 that kill people, 0.75

00:35:29.740 that abuse people. 0.98

00:35:31.880 Touch them. 0.97

00:35:32.660 Touch them,

00:35:33.220 yeah,

00:35:33.460 and they still live,

00:35:34.540 so that's why

00:35:35.000 I don't believe in that system.

00:35:36.080 I don't think it's,

00:35:37.140 you can stick around longer

00:35:38.120 by being a better person.

00:35:39.680 I think you can,

00:35:41.480 I think you may physically

00:35:42.980 make yourself healthier

00:35:44.280 by being a better person,

00:35:45.460 which in turn

00:35:46.160 increases your odds,

00:35:48.160 right?

00:35:48.500 The more things you do

00:35:49.300 for people that are better,

00:35:50.140 the better you take care

00:35:50.780 of your body and your mind.

00:35:51.940 Yeah,

00:35:52.100 you're going to spend yourself,

00:35:52.960 you're going to spend time

00:35:53.540 in better environments,

00:35:54.720 you're going to spend time like,

00:35:55.480 it's going to physically help you

00:35:56.440 have a better chance

00:35:57.060 of living longer,

00:35:57.860 for sure.

00:35:58.700 But there's probably

00:35:59.200 a really good guy out there

00:36:00.280 who falls off rock climbing.

00:36:02.380 He's a good cat,

00:36:03.580 but it's just a freak accident.

00:36:04.860 A guy just did,

00:36:05.620 actually.

00:36:05.820 Let's bring him up,

00:36:06.540 Nick.

00:36:06.900 Some guy just fell,

00:36:07.780 huh?

00:36:08.120 Yeah.

00:36:08.480 He fell from where?

00:36:09.460 A gentleman just passed

00:36:10.660 last week,

00:36:11.780 two days ago or something,

00:36:12.940 one of these rock boys.

00:36:14.220 Oh yeah,

00:36:14.720 he was one of the subjects

00:36:15.880 of Free Solo.

00:36:17.480 He was Bulgarian,

00:36:18.920 I think?

00:36:19.360 No,

00:36:19.800 he was...

00:36:21.800 Viet Gangan?

00:36:22.920 He might have been.

00:36:23.460 Was he Viet Gangan?

00:36:24.120 I think he was

00:36:25.160 Japaraguan.

00:36:27.140 Was he really?

00:36:27.880 Yeah.

00:36:28.920 That's so,

00:36:29.260 you know they can only see color

00:36:30.220 in one eye?

00:36:30.900 Oh yeah.

00:36:31.100 Japaraguan? 0.76

00:36:31.560 Yeah.

00:36:31.880 I can imagine.

00:36:32.600 In their left eye,

00:36:33.440 it's so,

00:36:33.720 I don't know why it is,

00:36:34.560 but it is.

00:36:35.540 It's almost beautiful.

00:36:36.900 Accomplished Free Solo.

00:36:39.420 Brad Gowbright was his name?

00:36:41.720 Brad Gowbright.

00:36:42.520 Right.

00:36:45.960 Pause on all sides.

00:36:47.100 Look at that,

00:36:47.320 look at Accomplished.

00:36:48.200 Accomplished Free Solo,

00:36:49.600 Brad Gowbright dies

00:36:50.560 in climbing accident.

00:36:52.400 Their descent,

00:36:53.100 3.30 p.m.

00:36:54.180 Hmm.

00:36:56.080 What else does it say?

00:36:56.800 Another climber fell.

00:36:58.380 Two guys fell. 1.00

00:36:59.980 Damn, 0.99

00:37:00.480 with him? 1.00

00:37:01.240 Free soloing,

00:37:02.180 man.

00:37:03.320 That,

00:37:03.580 I mean,

00:37:03.880 it's just,

00:37:04.860 it's the,

00:37:05.540 it's,

00:37:05.920 you're pushing,

00:37:07.160 you're just begging

00:37:08.140 the universe

00:37:09.340 to try to,

00:37:10.060 try to make it harder

00:37:11.880 for you to stay

00:37:12.480 around.

00:37:13.080 I think climbing a rock

00:37:14.140 without ropes

00:37:14.700 is just the wildest

00:37:15.720 thing on earth.

00:37:16.380 Oh yeah.

00:37:16.820 I don't know much

00:37:17.340 that's crazier.

00:37:18.060 That Free Solo documentary

00:37:19.020 you saw that,

00:37:19.620 huh?

00:37:19.900 Creeped me out.

00:37:20.680 It gave me the,

00:37:21.360 it made my chest

00:37:22.380 feel weird,

00:37:23.020 right?

00:37:23.220 Because I was like,

00:37:23.800 this dude is off his rocker.

00:37:25.480 He had zero regard

00:37:27.000 for the idea

00:37:29.300 that he actually could go.

00:37:30.580 I think it just didn't,

00:37:31.440 it never registers

00:37:32.280 to him that like,

00:37:33.920 death is a thing

00:37:34.580 that's real,

00:37:35.480 it just doesn't feel

00:37:36.260 like it is to him.

00:37:37.040 He's like,

00:37:37.400 no,

00:37:37.960 I mean,

00:37:38.440 I know people die,

00:37:39.440 but I don't,

00:37:40.280 I'm not gonna die.

00:37:41.300 What's the closest

00:37:41.840 you ever came to dying?

00:37:44.220 Honestly.

00:37:44.800 Choke,

00:37:45.220 I was gonna say,

00:37:47.140 one time I choked

00:37:47.780 on a McNugget

00:37:49.200 and I thought

00:37:50.280 I was gonna die. 0.93

00:37:51.000 I'm dead ass serious. 0.94

00:37:52.220 I choked on a McNugget. 0.66

00:37:53.540 Where'd you get it from?

00:37:55.160 Mickey D's.

00:37:56.920 But where though?

00:37:57.640 Do you remember which outlet?

00:37:58.140 Market Meadows,

00:37:58.840 McDonald's on Naper,

00:38:00.120 yeah.

00:38:00.600 In Chicago?

00:38:01.240 In Chicago.

00:38:01.820 Downtown?

00:38:02.280 In the suburbs,

00:38:02.880 no,

00:38:03.020 in the suburbs.

00:38:03.960 In Naperville?

00:38:05.360 Woodridge.

00:38:06.680 Choked on a Nugget.

00:38:08.680 I swear to God,

00:38:09.560 I thought I was gonna die.

00:38:10.340 You were alone?

00:38:10.760 It was lodged in my throat.

00:38:11.540 No,

00:38:12.000 I was with a buddy.

00:38:12.780 Oh,

00:38:12.960 wow.

00:38:13.620 And he was,

00:38:14.120 I was like,

00:38:15.340 and he was trying to do the Heimlich,

00:38:16.820 but it wasn't really working

00:38:17.560 and I had,

00:38:18.100 I was trying to force myself

00:38:19.200 and it dislodged somehow,

00:38:21.060 thank God.

00:38:21.980 But I thought for sure that,

00:38:23.480 I mean,

00:38:23.940 I've had a few moments of like,

00:38:26.260 you know,

00:38:26.880 bad accident type of stuff

00:38:28.720 that freaked me out,

00:38:30.000 that gave me a scare,

00:38:31.220 but it wasn't like,

00:38:32.340 I mean,

00:38:32.600 I had a,

00:38:33.060 I caught a,

00:38:34.120 I got a rebound

00:38:34.860 when I was in high school

00:38:37.100 at an open gym game

00:38:38.220 and a guy took out my legs, 0.98

00:38:39.160 I fell on my neck

00:38:39.960 and I blacked out

00:38:41.260 like four or five times.

00:38:42.500 Didn't break my neck though.

00:38:44.180 I would,

00:38:44.620 I think the doctor said something like,

00:38:45.840 I was a few pounds per square inch

00:38:47.500 of pressure

00:38:48.200 from cracking my neck.

00:38:50.500 Isn't that crazy?

00:38:51.180 They said the vertebrae

00:38:51.840 was so bruised

00:38:52.760 and had so much swelling

00:38:54.620 and pressure from the liquid

00:38:55.600 that like,

00:38:56.640 it alone should have broke

00:38:57.740 just to relieve itself,

00:38:58.860 but it didn't.

00:38:59.680 I got lucky.

00:39:00.520 I was blackened in and out

00:39:01.460 of consciousness

00:39:01.960 when the paramedics were there

00:39:03.140 and they said

00:39:04.100 it was a severe concussion.

00:39:06.220 I felt it for like

00:39:07.160 a week and a half.

00:39:08.600 Dude,

00:39:08.960 I don't know

00:39:09.320 what those football players

00:39:10.020 go through in the NFL,

00:39:11.000 but falling on my neck

00:39:12.140 one time

00:39:12.860 changed the way

00:39:13.960 I played basketball

00:39:14.640 forever.

00:39:16.320 I don't,

00:39:16.600 I never,

00:39:16.900 I stopped jumping.

00:39:17.880 I was like,

00:39:18.200 I'm never jumping again.

00:39:19.640 It scared me so much,

00:39:20.860 man.

00:39:20.960 It was just,

00:39:21.640 it freaked me out.

00:39:22.560 I woke up in the hospital

00:39:23.560 three or four times.

00:39:24.640 You throw up sometimes

00:39:25.800 when you have a concussion.

00:39:26.900 You ever get one?

00:39:29.040 Yeah,

00:39:29.400 yeah.

00:39:29.560 I got one at my brother's.

00:39:30.480 I was looking for something

00:39:31.200 and I fell down,

00:39:32.420 but um.

00:39:32.900 You smacked your head?

00:39:33.780 Yeah, 0.73

00:39:34.200 just hit my head

00:39:34.680 on something real hard

00:39:35.400 at like this weird angle

00:39:36.320 coming down

00:39:36.960 and uh,

00:39:38.220 next thing you know

00:39:38.740 I was like talking to him,

00:39:39.800 didn't even remember

00:39:40.300 like standing back up

00:39:41.420 and sat down

00:39:42.400 and then.

00:39:43.600 Did you throw up?

00:39:44.280 A lot of people throw up.

00:39:45.280 Uh-uh.

00:39:45.580 Just felt like I needed

00:39:46.180 to take a nap

00:39:47.080 and I was like

00:39:47.660 right in this middle

00:39:48.240 of like this conversation

00:39:49.200 with him.

00:39:49.540 It was just really,

00:39:50.100 really,

00:39:50.380 it was very bizarre.

00:39:52.380 Did you have a near death

00:39:53.040 moment in your life?

00:39:54.720 You know,

00:39:55.160 I choked actually.

00:39:56.140 This was in Chicago.

00:39:57.500 I choked on,

00:39:58.960 if I have Gatorade

00:40:00.120 and tuna fish

00:40:00.960 at the same time

00:40:01.620 I'll chip,

00:40:01.980 my throat closes up.

00:40:02.740 That's in your Wikipedia page now.

00:40:04.020 No,

00:40:04.180 it is not.

00:40:04.720 It should be.

00:40:07.840 But.

00:40:08.840 Gatorade and tuna fish.

00:40:09.720 Yeah,

00:40:09.940 there's something about the.

00:40:11.520 Like the acid and the,

00:40:13.180 what's in tuna fish

00:40:13.960 that would make you get.

00:40:15.460 Fish,

00:40:15.960 fish,

00:40:16.560 I don't know,

00:40:16.940 fish oil.

00:40:17.660 Fish.

00:40:18.700 But I have it

00:40:20.100 and uh,

00:40:20.860 bro,

00:40:21.300 and I,

00:40:21.680 and it happened once before

00:40:22.760 and I was like,

00:40:23.140 oh,

00:40:23.260 this is insane,

00:40:24.160 you know.

00:40:24.500 You had tuna fish

00:40:25.060 and Gatorade once before

00:40:25.920 and it just,

00:40:26.480 you did it again?

00:40:27.140 And I was like,

00:40:27.680 oh,

00:40:27.860 this is just,

00:40:28.360 something else is going on

00:40:29.460 and that,

00:40:29.860 you know,

00:40:30.060 maybe I was talking about

00:40:30.700 beer,

00:40:30.860 maybe I stepped on something

00:40:31.940 but um,

00:40:33.660 but this time when it happened

00:40:34.940 I was like, 1.00

00:40:35.540 oh fuck, 0.99

00:40:36.200 this really is a thing 1.00

00:40:37.100 I should have learned

00:40:37.620 the first time

00:40:38.220 but this really is.

00:40:39.260 I like tempted it,

00:40:40.280 you know.

00:40:40.400 What color Gatorade?

00:40:41.500 Uh,

00:40:41.880 this was pink.

00:40:42.940 Ooh.

00:40:43.200 It was kind of a pink Gatorade.

00:40:44.060 That could be why.

00:40:44.840 So I'm in a hotel room

00:40:45.660 in Chicago,

00:40:46.080 I'm having it,

00:40:46.840 you know,

00:40:47.060 I'm running late,

00:40:47.700 I just went to the gym,

00:40:48.580 excuse me.

00:40:50.360 Bless.

00:40:51.100 Bless.

00:40:53.980 Bless.

00:40:55.140 Three.

00:40:55.900 Three.

00:40:56.580 Bless.

00:40:57.160 Four.

00:40:58.460 Always a three.

00:41:00.220 I'm a two.

00:41:01.380 You are?

00:41:02.040 I'm a two,

00:41:02.540 only two.

00:41:03.060 Nick is a two.

00:41:03.880 I'm a two.

00:41:04.480 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:05.700 Fuck, 1.00

00:41:06.040 I gotta tighten up. 1.00

00:41:06.860 That third one is like,

00:41:07.740 hey,

00:41:07.960 I'm,

00:41:08.200 what are you doing?

00:41:08.700 It's a little much.

00:41:09.520 Yeah.

00:41:10.120 It's like,

00:41:10.740 bless you,

00:41:11.360 bless you. 1.00

00:41:11.700 It's such a bitch move. 1.00

00:41:11.980 And then when I, 0.99

00:41:12.540 when the third one comes,

00:41:13.360 I go like this,

00:41:14.560 bless you.

00:41:15.460 Like I'm a little tired

00:41:16.320 of saying bless you now

00:41:17.120 at that point.

00:41:17.560 My grandma does four or five.

00:41:18.860 Ooh.

00:41:19.580 Yeah.

00:41:20.600 Four or five.

00:41:21.060 Seniors go risk it. 1.00

00:41:21.700 Well,

00:41:21.800 it was a form of communication

00:41:22.760 back then.

00:41:23.360 It was flirting with someone.

00:41:24.320 If you blessed them

00:41:25.320 three times,

00:41:30.860 sniffing dust all day,

00:41:32.100 just trying to,

00:41:32.580 you ever see someone

00:41:35.960 have one sneeze

00:41:36.860 and it's really creepy

00:41:37.780 and they don't sneeze again

00:41:38.680 and you get nervous,

00:41:39.580 right?

00:41:39.960 And they're like,

00:41:40.440 and they keep talking to you

00:41:42.420 and you're like,

00:41:42.740 what was that?

00:41:43.540 Like,

00:41:43.740 I just sneezed.

00:41:44.720 Dude,

00:41:45.060 I had a friend

00:41:45.560 who would close his mouth,

00:41:46.600 sneeze out of his nose

00:41:47.780 all the time.

00:41:48.280 Oh my God. 1.00

00:41:49.260 Fucking savage. 1.00

00:41:50.220 Don't ever hold your breath 1.00

00:41:51.080 and sneeze.

00:41:51.620 You know that,

00:41:52.020 right?

00:41:52.140 Don't ever do that.

00:41:52.640 You blow an O-ring that way.

00:41:53.740 Really?

00:41:53.920 I know a guy that did that.

00:41:54.600 Yeah.

00:41:55.580 You know,

00:41:56.020 when you hold it in,

00:41:56.560 he didn't want to sneeze out loud.

00:41:57.400 Blew his booty. 0.80

00:41:59.760 Makes my wiener hurt, 0.98

00:42:00.840 man.

00:42:01.040 That kind of stuff scares me.

00:42:01.920 Does your wiener,

00:42:02.500 do you have heights?

00:42:03.560 Are you scared of heights?

00:42:06.240 I wouldn't say

00:42:06.800 that I'm scared of heights,

00:42:07.720 but I'm not real fired up about them.

00:42:09.160 When you look,

00:42:09.700 when I look over

00:42:10.340 like a big balcony, 0.99

00:42:11.560 my penis feels weird. 0.99

00:42:13.340 Does that do that 0.99

00:42:13.900 to anybody else?

00:42:14.540 Well,

00:42:14.740 and I'll tell you why.

00:42:15.800 And you can,

00:42:16.280 if you don't mind

00:42:16.700 Googling this as well,

00:42:17.540 Nick,

00:42:17.620 but it's because

00:42:19.300 you're lively,

00:42:20.480 your life is in your, 1.00

00:42:22.280 in my penis. 1.00

00:42:23.020 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:23.440 But I don't feel it 0.99

00:42:24.000 in my balls. 0.99

00:42:24.360 Your longevity though, 1.00

00:42:25.500 but you're,

00:42:26.580 that,

00:42:27.120 the thing of

00:42:28.560 I'm going to live long.

00:42:29.620 I'm going to have a child.

00:42:30.620 I'm going to procreate.

00:42:31.860 All of that is in your 1.00

00:42:32.860 genitalia in that area. 1.00

00:42:34.520 But it rattles through my shaft.

00:42:36.320 It's like a, 0.78

00:42:36.800 it's like a rattler

00:42:37.660 roaming through my shaft. 0.98

00:42:38.960 Because your shaft's like, 0.98

00:42:39.780 hey,

00:42:40.460 we have to procreate.

00:42:41.640 We need to stick around.

00:42:43.060 We need family.

00:42:44.060 Yeah.

00:42:44.300 We not,

00:42:44.900 you're not a bird.

00:42:46.760 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:42:47.260 Your dick's trying to let you know 1.00

00:42:48.300 you're not a bird. 1.00

00:42:49.000 We need family.

00:42:49.820 Yeah.

00:42:50.240 Stick around.

00:42:51.040 Don't jump.

00:42:51.900 That's what it's doing.

00:42:53.020 Yeah.

00:42:53.160 It is.

00:42:53.500 It makes me tingle in my, 0.99

00:42:54.540 in my penis when I, 0.99

00:42:55.380 when I get them on heights. 1.00

00:42:56.440 It's that thing.

00:42:57.220 Are you seeing something there,

00:42:58.020 Nick?

00:42:58.240 A male that is afraid of heights 1.00

00:42:59.380 when they are on a ladder

00:43:00.200 peering over a balcony.

00:43:01.560 Do I get a tingling sensation 0.98

00:43:02.580 on my balls? 0.98

00:43:03.300 Look at that. 0.99

00:43:03.520 This is a Reddit thread

00:43:04.420 someone was asking.

00:43:05.380 Explain like I'm five

00:43:06.200 why this happens.

00:43:07.380 And,

00:43:08.380 uh,

00:43:08.980 someone else said,

00:43:11.320 the funny thing is

00:43:11.820 I get that same tingling feeling

00:43:13.520 when I'm very excited

00:43:14.220 about finishing a task.

00:43:15.760 I completely understand that.

00:43:17.340 I get the anxiety,

00:43:18.040 I get anxious about

00:43:18.700 when something's about

00:43:19.180 to come to a close,

00:43:19.900 my balls tingle.

00:43:23.020 Like when I end every set,

00:43:24.180 when I get the light

00:43:24.740 and stand up, 0.95

00:43:25.340 my balls start to tingle. 0.88

00:43:26.200 Like I know it's coming 0.88

00:43:26.800 to a close.

00:43:27.820 Yeah,

00:43:28.180 it's weird.

00:43:28.600 My nuts. 0.99

00:43:29.040 Your balls are trying to stay, 1.00

00:43:30.300 to say, 0.99

00:43:31.100 stay safe.

00:43:31.960 And you have adrenaline

00:43:32.700 coursing through your veins.

00:43:33.960 Your brain is telling your body

00:43:35.120 there may be danger coming.

00:43:37.260 It's fight or flight

00:43:38.180 kicking in.

00:43:39.380 Mm-hmm.

00:43:40.260 I'm fighting,

00:43:41.000 baby.

00:43:41.660 There's no flight

00:43:42.380 in these nuts.

00:43:43.540 They're trying to re-exit

00:43:44.640 your body. 1.00

00:43:45.280 This is your semen 1.00

00:43:45.900 trying to exit your body 1.00

00:43:46.820 to reach a safer place.

00:43:48.240 Now that makes sense.

00:43:49.100 Well,

00:43:49.240 should I carry a cup?

00:43:50.560 I should just put a bunch 0.99

00:43:51.400 of semen in a cup 1.00

00:43:52.580 when that happens 0.99

00:43:53.260 to save that.

00:43:53.900 That might be the good stuff.

00:43:54.900 Well,

00:43:55.060 those articles now say

00:43:55.820 freeze all your blood.

00:43:56.760 They say get as much blood

00:43:57.600 out of your body,

00:43:58.280 freeze it somewhere,

00:43:59.020 get it in case you need it

00:44:00.520 in the future,

00:44:01.080 in case your kids need it,

00:44:02.580 in case,

00:44:03.400 because otherwise

00:44:03.860 you're taking your kids

00:44:04.740 somewhere and be like,

00:44:05.240 hey,

00:44:05.340 does anybody have 0.99

00:44:06.000 any fucking blood? 0.99

00:44:06.840 Yeah, 1.00

00:44:07.020 stranger's blood,

00:44:07.980 man.

00:44:09.520 No one stranger blood.

00:44:11.060 When you're full of it

00:44:12.040 and you're like, 1.00

00:44:12.440 oh fuck, 1.00

00:44:13.100 somebody help me. 1.00

00:44:14.000 I got so much blood.

00:44:15.560 I have so much blood.

00:44:17.380 Do you really?

00:44:17.940 I have too much blood.

00:44:19.380 Doctors told me

00:44:19.860 I have too much blood.

00:44:21.040 I cut my gums

00:44:23.280 on a potato chip,

00:44:26.740 habanero,

00:44:27.420 a habanero potato chip

00:44:28.460 and I bled

00:44:29.900 for like a month

00:44:30.800 and a half.

00:44:31.420 I went to the doctor

00:44:32.240 and he said,

00:44:32.720 you got too much blood,

00:44:33.540 it's got to get out.

00:44:34.740 Yeah,

00:44:35.040 I was relieving

00:44:36.340 some of the pressure

00:44:36.920 but I asked him

00:44:38.020 if my blood

00:44:38.740 was worth anything

00:44:39.480 and he pulled me

00:44:40.660 into a little tiny room

00:44:41.840 and he said,

00:44:42.340 your blood is worth

00:44:42.900 more than most Americans.

00:44:45.000 You're in the one percenter

00:44:45.720 of the blood club.

00:44:47.040 So I signed up

00:44:47.800 for this thing,

00:44:48.220 I have a card,

00:44:48.880 I have to go see this

00:44:50.460 person who tests me

00:44:52.000 every couple of weeks

00:44:53.200 from the government.

00:44:54.520 Is it at Next Health

00:44:55.260 or something?

00:44:56.200 The health,

00:44:56.980 the health.

00:44:57.940 Yeah,

00:44:58.180 the health.

00:44:59.140 Yeah,

00:44:59.420 so when you have

00:45:00.640 too much blood,

00:45:01.100 it's one of those things. 1.00

00:45:02.000 Damn. 1.00

00:45:02.480 Yeah, 0.99

00:45:02.760 you get to kind of,

00:45:04.180 I'm on a new level.

00:45:06.220 Dude,

00:45:06.580 we had a guy I remember

00:45:07.240 that was choking one time

00:45:08.400 when I was young

00:45:09.140 at school

00:45:09.820 and two other guys

00:45:10.700 that were trying to do the Heimlich

00:45:11.500 but they didn't know

00:45:11.940 how to do it.

00:45:12.300 Two other guys held him,

00:45:13.460 one by his arms,

00:45:14.140 one by his legs

00:45:14.700 and some guy ran up 0.99

00:45:15.640 and fucking kicked him, 0.99

00:45:16.980 dude. 1.00

00:45:17.560 He was choking on part

00:45:18.320 of a Twix or something.

00:45:20.080 Which one?

00:45:20.680 The right or the left Twix?

00:45:21.500 I don't know.

00:45:21.960 Choking on one of the sides.

00:45:22.900 Everybody broke like four

00:45:23.940 of his ribs

00:45:24.560 when everybody kicked him

00:45:25.800 and saved his life,

00:45:27.340 dude.

00:45:27.740 Well,

00:45:27.980 it's worth it,

00:45:28.520 right?

00:45:28.880 I think.

00:45:29.980 I'm willing to break

00:45:30.800 a couple of ribs 0.58

00:45:31.280 to save my life.

00:45:32.140 Someone said,

00:45:33.000 would you be willing to,

00:45:36.640 if,

00:45:37.020 okay,

00:45:37.700 if the greatest singer

00:45:38.900 of our generation,

00:45:40.000 you know,

00:45:41.100 was a blind kid,

00:45:42.040 was this blind kid, 1.00

00:45:42.840 and you either had to kill him 1.00

00:45:44.720 or you die a tragic death, 1.00

00:45:47.440 what would you do? 1.00

00:45:48.440 I'd kill him. 1.00

00:45:49.200 You'd kill the kid 1.00

00:45:49.900 because he's blind? 0.99

00:45:52.060 No, 1.00

00:45:52.300 I'd kill him. 1.00

00:45:53.220 Just to stay alive? 1.00

00:45:53.660 I'd kill whoever it is 1.00

00:45:54.240 to stay alive, 1.00

00:45:54.820 yeah.

00:45:54.980 The greatest singer

00:45:55.600 of all of our generation? 1.00

00:45:56.960 Fuck him, 1.00

00:45:57.420 dude. 1.00

00:45:57.540 We'll get extra singers.

00:45:58.320 We'll get more singers? 0.99

00:45:59.940 We'll have two shitty singers 1.00

00:46:01.440 so I can learn how to 0.99

00:46:02.620 pipe it together,

00:46:03.820 you know? 0.99

00:46:04.120 We'll remix some shitty guy 0.99

00:46:05.660 with dreads, dude. 1.00

00:46:06.460 Would you kill Nick 0.99

00:46:07.940 to stay alive? 0.99

00:46:09.480 Yeah.

00:46:11.240 Nick, 1.00

00:46:11.640 would you kill me? 1.00

00:46:12.300 Would you kill Theo 1.00

00:46:13.000 to stay alive?

00:46:13.620 The greatest comic

00:46:14.520 of our generation?

00:46:15.480 Probably not.

00:46:16.420 No,

00:46:16.620 I'm just kidding.

00:46:17.080 Wow.

00:46:17.940 Loyal.

00:46:18.460 He knows who writes his checks.

00:46:20.160 Actually, 0.98

00:46:20.560 maybe I wouldn't kill you. 1.00

00:46:21.720 Maybe I would take my own life 1.00

00:46:22.940 but I would make Nick

00:46:24.020 very,

00:46:24.780 very upset about it first.

00:46:26.660 I wouldn't even think about it. 1.00

00:46:28.660 I'd kill Nick so fast. 1.00

00:46:30.480 I'd kill him. 1.00

00:46:31.720 I would be a little bit overt too. 1.00

00:46:33.620 If I hit him with my car, 0.94

00:46:34.540 I'd just keep running him over 0.98

00:46:35.460 just to prove to the universe

00:46:36.980 that I'm sticking around.

00:46:38.580 Suge Knight? 0.63

00:46:39.380 I would Suge Knight,

00:46:40.200 yeah. 1.00

00:46:40.760 Or I'd hang you over a balcony. 1.00

00:46:42.160 I'd vanilla ice you. 0.96

00:46:43.120 Where's Sugar Knight? 0.89

00:46:43.960 Is there a black guy

00:46:44.660 named Sugar Knight?

00:46:45.520 It's the Sugars.

00:46:46.580 He has diabetes.

00:46:47.480 The Sugars Knight.

00:46:50.040 The Sugars Knight.

00:46:52.280 Can't be having all these sweets.

00:46:53.660 I gotta remember,

00:46:55.060 before I forget,

00:46:55.760 so I'm choking on this tuna

00:46:57.000 and this Gatorade.

00:46:58.300 I go to the hallway.

00:46:59.420 I try to call the front desk.

00:47:00.520 I can't even talk, man.

00:47:01.780 My throat is closed up.

00:47:03.140 I'm putting one of my hands

00:47:04.020 down my throat

00:47:04.660 and trying to open my fingers

00:47:05.840 to keep my airway open

00:47:06.960 because the problem is

00:47:07.860 that I'm allergic.

00:47:09.280 Allergic, yeah.

00:47:09.880 And so my throat is closed up.

00:47:12.120 To tuna, right?

00:47:13.220 Yep, tuna and Gatorade.

00:47:15.500 Something the chemical properties

00:47:17.220 offset each other?

00:47:17.920 Something happened, huh?

00:47:18.600 Something in it, yeah.

00:47:19.500 I mean, I just,

00:47:20.540 nothing else has ever done it to me.

00:47:22.540 And then so next thing I know,

00:47:23.740 I'm in the hallway

00:47:24.280 and I'm trying to,

00:47:26.620 the cleaning lady, 0.95

00:47:27.660 you know,

00:47:27.780 I'm just making these sounds.

00:47:28.960 I remember she hands me

00:47:30.180 a tampon brush.

00:47:32.220 She thought something was wrong

00:47:34.240 in my room.

00:47:36.700 I just heard me like.

00:47:37.360 And she assumed that must mean.

00:47:40.800 And she had a tampon thing

00:47:42.100 in her cart

00:47:42.620 and gave me a little pack.

00:47:43.860 That makes sense. 0.99

00:47:44.400 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:47:45.060 You're panicking. 1.00

00:47:46.180 And she's like,

00:47:46.840 you need tampon?

00:47:48.060 Yes.

00:47:48.640 That's exactly what that means.

00:47:49.640 That's communicating

00:47:50.200 I need a tampon.

00:47:52.480 You know when you're

00:47:53.040 in the hotel room

00:47:53.560 and the cleaning lady, 1.00

00:47:54.420 they come in,

00:47:55.680 they knock

00:47:56.080 and they come in right away?

00:47:57.700 Do you tell them right away?

00:47:58.880 Do you go,

00:47:59.220 oh, no, no, no, no,

00:47:59.960 I'm good, I'm good.

00:48:00.600 Or do you let them figure it out?

00:48:02.420 I let them figure it out.

00:48:04.580 I just let them figure it out.

00:48:05.600 I sit in bed

00:48:06.260 and I let them come all the way

00:48:07.140 and they go,

00:48:07.760 oh, I'm so sorry.

00:48:08.560 I'm like, it's okay.

00:48:10.220 It's okay.

00:48:10.620 I just let them,

00:48:11.120 it's okay.

00:48:11.680 I'm just going to get new towels.

00:48:13.020 I let them in.

00:48:14.520 You're just sitting there 0.56

00:48:15.340 naked on the computer?

00:48:16.760 You're like,

00:48:17.120 come on in.

00:48:18.300 Come on in.

00:48:19.560 No, that's fine.

00:48:20.080 Just towels, it's fine.

00:48:21.420 Just sitting there

00:48:21.900 typing away, 1.00

00:48:22.480 butt ass naked. 1.00

00:48:23.640 I stay naked in a hotel. 1.00

00:48:25.640 I stay naked. 0.82

00:48:26.600 Oh, dude,

00:48:27.060 there's something about hotels.

00:48:28.020 A comedian used to do

00:48:28.800 a bit about it.

00:48:29.400 There's something about hotels

00:48:30.500 where you get in there,

00:48:31.340 you got to get naked. 0.99

00:48:32.340 You got to get naked. 0.99

00:48:32.920 Yeah, what is that? 0.97

00:48:33.800 I don't know.

00:48:34.620 Well, because it's not your room.

00:48:36.200 You feel naughty.

00:48:37.060 You're in somebody else's room

00:48:38.080 and you just,

00:48:38.980 you don't have any responsibility.

00:48:40.180 If anything goes wrong in there,

00:48:41.400 it's not your problem.

00:48:42.420 Yeah.

00:48:42.700 It's really nice.

00:48:43.520 It's like a rental

00:48:44.100 that you don't,

00:48:44.920 that there's no agreement on.

00:48:46.240 You know what I mean?

00:48:46.880 A temporary rental

00:48:48.020 that if something happened,

00:48:49.300 you're just like,

00:48:49.700 that's not me.

00:48:50.240 I didn't do that.

00:48:51.240 That was there when I came in.

00:48:52.740 Yeah.

00:48:52.900 That's the best part.

00:48:53.520 There's no responsibility in hotels.

00:48:55.160 You could do whatever you want.

00:48:56.360 You have as many people there.

00:48:57.900 It's wonderful.

00:48:58.440 I know a girl in high school 0.97

00:48:59.340 that used to live in one of those

00:49:00.060 extended stay hotels.

00:49:01.500 She would have parties 0.98

00:49:02.220 every single day.

00:49:03.640 Oh, wow.

00:49:04.180 No consequences.

00:49:05.160 And she was a real party type of girl?

00:49:07.000 Mm-hmm.

00:49:08.100 Mm-hmm.

00:49:09.080 And her mother, 1.00

00:49:09.680 it was her and a single mother

00:49:10.560 and her mother was never around

00:49:13.480 because she was working.

00:49:14.500 I never saw her mom.

00:49:16.040 We get to go over that,

00:49:16.740 we get to go to the extended stay

00:49:17.720 all the time and just party.

00:49:19.000 It was wonderful, man.

00:49:20.040 Do you know anybody in high school

00:49:20.800 who had an apartment?

00:49:23.340 I didn't really.

00:49:25.160 I remember this girl,

00:49:26.540 I asked her out one time,

00:49:27.640 she said yes,

00:49:28.340 and I took her to a dance

00:49:29.180 and I had a chance to like

00:49:30.140 take off her underpants one time 0.89

00:49:31.880 and it was just me and her 0.99

00:49:32.720 and I fucking got scared, bro. 0.98

00:49:34.100 You got nervous? 0.99

00:49:34.920 Yeah, bro.

00:49:35.500 What kind of,

00:49:35.840 with a granny panty? 1.00

00:49:36.360 She was so hot,

00:49:37.220 I don't remember.

00:49:38.620 She was hot and you got nervous? 0.96

00:49:40.000 She was so fucking hot, dude. 1.00

00:49:42.160 I went there. 0.97

00:49:42.500 I remember going in the bathroom 0.98

00:49:44.280 and masturbating. 0.94

00:49:45.520 So the thought of maybe 1.00

00:49:46.420 taking off her panty,

00:49:47.200 the fact that you didn't get

00:49:48.200 to take off her panties. 0.99

00:49:48.940 And she was still in the living room 0.98

00:49:50.240 when I did it.

00:49:51.480 Yeah, I get that.

00:49:52.480 Trust me, 0.94

00:49:52.840 I've done shit like that. 0.92

00:49:53.740 I just remember sitting on a pool table 0.97

00:49:55.500 and I like kind of had my hands

00:49:57.240 like on the upper legs

00:49:58.360 and was just feeling it

00:49:59.280 and we were kissing, bro, 1.00

00:50:00.260 and I was like, fuck, dude. 1.00

00:50:01.720 I'm living my dreams, you know? 1.00

00:50:03.900 And then I fucking couldn't 0.98

00:50:05.060 handle the pressure of it. 0.99

00:50:06.080 You broke, huh?

00:50:06.940 Oh, dude.

00:50:08.020 I just remember.

00:50:09.300 I remember getting scared.

00:50:10.240 I was like, 0.58

00:50:10.400 I'm not going to get an erection, 0.84

00:50:11.660 everything. 0.99

00:50:12.160 This girl hates me. 1.00

00:50:13.360 You did get an erection, though. 0.99

00:50:14.520 I don't remember. 0.82

00:50:15.440 And when I went in the bathroom, 0.92

00:50:16.580 but it's easy to get an erection 1.00

00:50:17.480 to masturbate. 1.00

00:50:18.400 Because you're looking 1.00

00:50:18.780 at yourself in the mirror.

00:50:21.000 No, no.

00:50:22.000 I only looked at myself 0.99

00:50:23.280 when I jerked off. 0.84

00:50:24.260 I would stare right

00:50:25.180 into my eyes in the mirror.

00:50:26.260 Yeah, right into my eyes.

00:50:27.380 Oh, my God.

00:50:28.700 That's insane.

00:50:30.340 Theo, right as I came,

00:50:31.480 I'd wink at myself.

00:50:34.200 Who are you, bro? 1.00

00:50:35.920 Fucking Dane Cook. 1.00

00:50:37.120 I'm Hannibal Lecter, bro. 1.00

00:50:38.000 Oh, damn. 0.99

00:50:39.480 Are you that guy from, 1.00

00:50:41.060 who is that guy on that movie

00:50:43.040 that they do the business cards 0.99

00:50:44.800 where they kill a prostitute? 1.00

00:50:46.320 American Psycho. 1.00

00:50:46.520 Oh, American Psycho.

00:50:47.640 Yeah.

00:50:48.020 Yeah, that's exactly what that is.

00:50:49.760 The first hookup nerves,

00:50:51.520 the first hookup nerves are bad.

00:50:53.160 I went down on a girl 1.00

00:50:54.060 that I had such a big crush on

00:50:55.660 for so long

00:50:56.360 that she tapped me on the head

00:50:58.040 to let me know that I was done.

00:51:00.480 Like, that's it.

00:51:02.100 That'll do.

00:51:04.000 I swear to God,

00:51:04.800 I was so nervous, man.

00:51:05.780 Okay, buddy.

00:51:06.280 This ain't the swim team.

00:51:07.780 Let's go.

00:51:08.340 Let's tighten up.

00:51:09.500 Up, up.

00:51:10.160 She goes, up, up, up.

00:51:11.800 I was so nervous, man.

00:51:13.300 She was so beautiful.

00:51:14.780 I never thought 0.97

00:51:15.380 she'd have sex with me. 1.00

00:51:16.220 And she said, 1.00

00:51:16.640 I can't believe 0.98

00:51:17.040 you didn't have sex with me. 0.92

00:51:18.160 But I was nervous.

00:51:18.960 I thought she didn't want 0.99

00:51:19.520 to have sex with me. 0.99

00:51:19.780 I know, man. 0.99

00:51:21.180 This is my first year of college.

00:51:22.240 I was like,

00:51:22.880 this girl doesn't want 1.00

00:51:23.320 to have sex with me. 0.99

00:51:24.060 Dude, I remember hooking up 0.99

00:51:25.040 with this girl

00:51:25.540 and I was going to lose 0.52

00:51:26.340 my virginity.

00:51:28.860 How old were you?

00:51:31.020 I don't remember.

00:51:33.040 15 or 16.

00:51:34.360 And I actually

00:51:34.680 was going to lose

00:51:35.140 my virginity 0.94

00:51:35.460 behind a bowling alley 0.84

00:51:36.280 in our town.

00:51:36.800 Shout out Tiffany Lanes 1.00

00:51:37.820 over there on Highway 22.

00:51:38.800 Tiff, tiff, tiff, tiff Lanes.

00:51:39.880 Yeah, dude.

00:51:41.280 Roll some stones.

00:51:43.480 Well, people were throwing rocks

00:51:44.500 at us, speaking of stones, man.

00:51:45.820 Really?

00:51:46.260 Yeah.

00:51:46.740 Just because they didn't like 0.95

00:51:47.760 you guys premarital sex? 0.87

00:51:49.200 Just excitement, no. 0.99

00:51:50.260 People excitement

00:51:50.920 and they had rocks around them.

00:51:52.240 So when they got amped up,

00:51:53.140 they're like, 0.91

00:51:53.380 we got to hit them 0.97

00:51:53.820 with something

00:51:54.120 because we're so happy for them?

00:51:55.200 Yeah, we're just cheering

00:51:55.900 our boy on.

00:51:56.640 That makes sense.

00:51:57.120 That's like why people

00:51:57.620 throw rice at weddings.

00:51:58.680 Same thing.

00:51:59.260 You're excited

00:51:59.620 so you want to throw

00:52:00.080 something at them?

00:52:00.800 Yeah, big.

00:52:02.080 Yeah.

00:52:02.760 Did you get hit with a rock

00:52:03.800 while you're hooking up?

00:52:06.560 I'm sure I caught a couple.

00:52:07.860 Nothing big.

00:52:09.200 Shells.

00:52:09.560 You know like those shells,

00:52:10.420 those white shells

00:52:11.020 people used to use

00:52:11.640 as driveway shells?

00:52:12.560 Yeah.

00:52:13.240 That's who you got hit with.

00:52:14.140 Yeah.

00:52:14.760 Those don't hurt that much.

00:52:15.940 Uh-uh.

00:52:16.460 They're not real rocks.

00:52:17.860 No, they're like...

00:52:19.240 Yeah, I don't know

00:52:20.340 what they are.

00:52:21.240 They're not really...

00:52:22.040 They're like half hollow.

00:52:23.720 Yeah, it's kind of like

00:52:24.460 rocks for poor people kind of.

00:52:26.440 Poor rocks.

00:52:27.400 You know what I'm saying?

00:52:27.860 Poor people always had 1.00

00:52:28.420 those shell driveways,

00:52:29.680 you know?

00:52:30.140 Always, for some reason.

00:52:31.520 Yeah, it was so weird.

00:52:32.980 And it was always a mess.

00:52:34.580 It was always...

00:52:34.980 There was oil stains

00:52:35.660 all over it.

00:52:36.440 There was tons of tire chunks

00:52:37.540 because someone had spun out

00:52:38.560 in the winter

00:52:38.960 and left it like that.

00:52:41.180 Always.

00:52:41.560 Remember those?

00:52:42.240 Oh my God, yeah.

00:52:42.480 It was like half

00:52:42.780 of these little bitty shells?

00:52:43.900 Yeah, they were like...

00:52:44.480 Yeah.

00:52:45.260 It was poor rocks.

00:52:46.160 Poor people rocks.

00:52:46.540 But this girl... 1.00

00:52:48.220 Dude, I remember hooking up

00:52:50.120 and then I ended up

00:52:51.640 ejaculating early, you know?

00:52:54.140 So we didn't engage

00:52:55.700 and then I was so nervous

00:52:59.440 for some reason

00:53:00.200 that everybody at the party

00:53:01.220 would know.

00:53:01.820 I made both of us

00:53:02.800 climb out of the window

00:53:03.900 and come in through

00:53:05.060 the front door

00:53:05.880 of my house

00:53:06.960 to the party.

00:53:09.040 They knew you were upstairs

00:53:10.120 and then you left

00:53:10.860 and came back in?

00:53:11.540 Yeah, I think I was just...

00:53:12.540 I just didn't want anybody

00:53:13.540 knowing my business, I guess.

00:53:15.040 I was like, oh, if people see us

00:53:16.140 come out of this bedroom together...

00:53:17.660 But if they saw you

00:53:18.520 coming to the front door

00:53:19.040 when they thought

00:53:19.380 you went upstairs,

00:53:19.960 then you think

00:53:20.880 that was more normal?

00:53:21.440 And they think

00:53:21.900 we were magic or something,

00:53:23.540 you know? 0.99

00:53:24.260 But not fucking, you know? 0.99

00:53:26.520 Yeah, they think 0.99

00:53:27.440 you have special talents.

00:53:28.740 Yeah, they'd be like, 1.00

00:53:29.380 damn, these people are magic. 0.98

00:53:30.520 What were they doing up there? 1.00

00:53:31.820 Transporting?

00:53:32.260 Yeah, yeah.

00:53:33.680 Reincarnating by the front door?

00:53:34.980 Repelling themselves?

00:53:36.480 But no, dude,

00:53:37.140 it was first floor window.

00:53:39.340 So it was just...

00:53:40.500 But there was a bunch

00:53:41.000 of bushes out there.

00:53:41.720 I remember her being like,

00:53:42.620 what am I climbing

00:53:43.580 out of here for?

00:53:44.420 What did you tell her?

00:53:45.160 You're like, people can't know.

00:53:46.140 Yeah, I was just like,

00:53:47.140 oh, we should probably

00:53:47.680 keep this on the DL.

00:53:48.800 This is more fun this way.

00:53:49.680 Yeah.

00:53:50.280 And maybe it's because,

00:53:51.020 yeah, it could have been more fun.

00:53:52.480 I don't remember.

00:53:53.200 It's adventurous, right?

00:53:54.240 When you're young,

00:53:54.920 you're more adventurous

00:53:55.460 with where you'll have sex, too. 0.57

00:53:56.640 So much more adventurous.

00:53:57.820 Anywhere.

00:53:58.360 You'll do it anywhere.

00:53:59.420 You'll hide in more fun places.

00:54:01.360 Yeah.

00:54:01.740 Yeah, we...

00:54:02.280 Like, first of all, 0.98

00:54:04.440 car sex. 0.97

00:54:05.380 High school car sex 0.91

00:54:06.180 was such a common thing. 0.98

00:54:07.680 You had to have sex in the car. 1.00

00:54:08.960 Yeah. 0.99

00:54:09.240 Where else are you going to go?

00:54:10.160 I mean, we have basements

00:54:10.940 in the Midwest,

00:54:14.420 somebody had a cool...

00:54:15.840 Everybody had a cool basement

00:54:16.940 where you could sneak away

00:54:19.720 in a corner of the basement

00:54:20.540 and get away with it, 0.51

00:54:21.320 but car sex was everything 0.65

00:54:22.640 for some reason. 0.72

00:54:23.840 And you'd find the darkest,

00:54:25.640 deepest corner of your community

00:54:27.160 and a cop would somehow roll by.

00:54:29.140 Yeah.

00:54:29.720 Why? 1.00

00:54:30.360 Because you're just as dumb 1.00

00:54:31.720 as a fucking... 1.00

00:54:32.720 You're just as dumb at the time. 1.00

00:54:34.340 You're just a dumb kid. 1.00

00:54:35.380 You pick the easiest spot. 1.00

00:54:37.200 Yeah.

00:54:37.480 But you think it's smart.

00:54:38.580 Yeah, you think it's great.

00:54:39.460 And cops have already been kids,

00:54:40.800 so they're like,

00:54:41.200 oh, this is the place I would go.

00:54:42.840 They're like,

00:54:43.120 this is where I used to go.

00:54:43.900 Yeah.

00:54:43.980 Right behind the church

00:54:45.200 or right behind...

00:54:46.080 Just someplace that's like... 0.93

00:54:47.860 Did you ever get caught having sex? 0.93

00:54:50.840 My mother caught me 1.00

00:54:51.940 getting a blowjob. 0.99

00:54:53.240 Oh, a girl's... 1.00

00:54:54.180 The same girl

00:54:54.960 who I made climb out that window, 0.57

00:54:56.220 we tried to have sex 0.65

00:54:57.560 at her house one time 0.83

00:54:58.380 and the mom came in the room 0.99

00:55:00.220 and I went over

00:55:00.820 and introduced myself

00:55:01.880 because I didn't know

00:55:02.360 what else to do, you know? 0.96

00:55:03.780 Dick out? 0.97

00:55:04.420 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:55:05.620 Did she throw rocks too? 0.99

00:55:07.080 My mom comes in. 1.00

00:55:08.120 She didn't look at my dick 1.00

00:55:09.160 though and I did respect that. 1.00

00:55:10.280 She did not?

00:55:10.840 No.

00:55:11.120 She just stared at your eyes 1.00

00:55:11.940 the whole time.

00:55:12.460 Yeah, and I respected that, man.

00:55:13.520 Yeah, that's great.

00:55:13.940 And that's when I knew

00:55:14.380 that this lady's a good lady. 0.87

00:55:15.800 Yeah.

00:55:16.560 What about you, Nick?

00:55:18.900 Kind of just recently,

00:55:20.340 so it was the girl

00:55:21.840 staying at her parents

00:55:22.680 and I had to introduce myself

00:55:24.740 to her mother.

00:55:25.640 She was like 28 years old

00:55:26.760 but stayed living at home.

00:55:28.400 Wait a minute,

00:55:28.900 so they caught you

00:55:30.020 in the act at all

00:55:30.680 or no?

00:55:31.000 She just knew you were there

00:55:31.700 pumping?

00:55:31.860 I came over at like 3 a.m.

00:55:34.040 and we're in the room

00:55:35.220 before it happened.

00:55:35.960 Nick.

00:55:36.820 Don't you live,

00:55:37.480 why couldn't she come to you? 0.99

00:55:39.320 My place is kind of shitty. 0.83

00:55:40.620 I'm always down 0.96

00:55:41.140 to go someplace else.

00:55:42.260 She lives in Orange County.

00:55:43.320 She's got a nice crib. 1.00

00:55:44.380 What do you live?

00:55:44.820 Like out calls, bro.

00:55:45.860 Hollywood and like

00:55:46.720 three-person apartments.

00:55:49.160 Hers was a three-person house.

00:55:50.320 Yeah.

00:55:50.500 It was her mom and dad

00:55:51.440 and they knew you were there.

00:55:52.660 Yeah, 3 a.m.

00:55:53.720 Yeah.

00:55:54.060 You couldn't just be Postmates,

00:55:55.640 you know?

00:55:56.140 Yeah.

00:55:56.940 Wow, was it?

00:55:59.220 As you start doing,

00:56:00.080 start wearing Postmates shirts

00:56:01.180 or Uber shirts.

00:56:02.380 She was Filipino.

00:56:03.620 I was like,

00:56:03.860 you know Joe Coy?

00:56:04.620 I used to work for Joe Coy.

00:56:05.640 You said that?

00:56:06.160 Yeah.

00:56:08.640 She loved it, huh?

00:56:09.480 Oh, yeah.

00:56:09.860 She's like,

00:56:10.080 we love Joe Coy.

00:56:11.080 He has 100% penetration

00:56:12.440 in that community.

00:56:14.040 Who else is?

00:56:15.160 At 3 a.m.

00:56:15.620 he tells the mom.

00:56:17.660 Do you like Joe Coy?

00:56:18.580 I used to work for him.

00:56:19.660 She's like,

00:56:20.060 we love Joe Coy.

00:56:21.720 I know.

00:56:22.240 You want me to call him

00:56:22.720 on my phone right now?

00:56:23.940 Joe, help me get out of this,

00:56:24.960 please.

00:56:26.980 What did you say to the mother?

00:56:28.080 What was the first thing you said?

00:56:29.880 I was,

00:56:30.240 I like introduced myself.

00:56:31.700 Right,

00:56:31.860 because you weren't naked,

00:56:32.460 you were just over there.

00:56:33.100 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:56:34.200 I had just gotten in

00:56:36.040 and she was like,

00:56:36.540 what's all the commotion and stuff?

00:56:37.980 Yeah,

00:56:38.240 we weren't engaged.

00:56:40.020 Did you still hook up?

00:56:40.820 Yeah.

00:56:41.240 Yeah, good for you.

00:56:42.260 After you met the mother

00:56:43.120 or before?

00:56:43.540 Yeah, she brought us cakes. 0.97

00:56:44.400 I know Joe Coy, man.

00:56:45.640 That's so smart.

00:56:47.120 That's very smart.

00:56:48.060 And a good fit.

00:56:48.700 And by the way,

00:56:49.900 good for her.

00:56:50.980 Good for the mother 0.77

00:56:51.500 being cool about it.

00:56:52.580 She didn't kick you out.

00:56:53.940 Nice kid.

00:56:54.840 You're a taller boy.

00:56:55.620 She probably could feel that

00:56:56.460 in your bones.

00:56:57.460 And she was like,

00:56:58.240 you stick around, bud.

00:56:59.240 Yeah.

00:56:59.520 You're a good,

00:57:00.140 you're a good white kid

00:57:01.420 from the Midwest.

00:57:02.740 She could feel it.

00:57:03.560 I mean, the girl's 28.

00:57:04.700 She can have gas. 1.00

00:57:05.420 It's not like.

00:57:06.000 Right.

00:57:06.420 It's not like your children.

00:57:07.200 Now, that's a unique thing too.

00:57:08.560 I remember going somewhere

00:57:10.760 with my mom and my stepdad

00:57:12.680 and meeting a lady

00:57:15.020 that worked at this restaurant.

00:57:17.440 And then that night,

00:57:18.640 the next morning,

00:57:19.360 I tell my mom,

00:57:20.020 mom, remember the girl

00:57:20.700 from the restaurant?

00:57:21.340 She's in the room.

00:57:23.040 And my mom was like, 0.98

00:57:24.220 what?

00:57:26.120 Just like magic, you know?

00:57:27.760 Yeah.

00:57:28.160 What?

00:57:28.560 You do magic?

00:57:30.260 You know?

00:57:30.740 Like, no, remember?

00:57:31.820 We went out last night

00:57:32.480 and I'm just smelling like tequila

00:57:34.380 just bad, you know?

00:57:35.920 Mm-hmm.

00:57:37.100 And just like I had this old,

00:57:38.760 my mother had this old bed

00:57:40.000 that we hooked up on

00:57:40.600 and had all these Mardi Gras beads

00:57:42.100 hanging off of it, you know?

00:57:43.040 On the bed?

00:57:43.640 Like on the bed frame?

00:57:44.400 Yeah, just hanging off of it.

00:57:45.180 But that's just like

00:57:45.900 anybody from Louisiana

00:57:46.940 with no money, 1.00

00:57:48.260 you would decorate shit 1.00

00:57:48.980 with Mardi Gras beads. 1.00

00:57:50.240 They were cheap.

00:57:50.880 Yeah.

00:57:51.320 Yeah, they were cheap.

00:57:52.240 And they look pretty nice

00:57:53.280 from far away

00:57:54.000 if the lights are down.

00:57:54.620 It's shiny.

00:57:55.160 Yeah, it's color,

00:57:55.740 a little bit of color.

00:57:56.480 Yeah, it always looks festive.

00:57:57.660 That is really nice.

00:57:58.300 Dude, but they are just so loud

00:58:00.420 if you're trying to engage

00:58:01.480 with somebody

00:58:02.060 if you're trying to tickle somebody 0.95

00:58:03.840 or have sex. 0.87

00:58:05.560 And that blew my mind. 0.97

00:58:07.560 She's like,

00:58:07.920 you have to sneak her out of here 0.98

00:58:09.040 if your stepdad sees her.

00:58:11.800 Yeah, stepdad wouldn't approve.

00:58:13.800 Yeah, he was kind of a curmudgeon.

00:58:15.540 Some people don't want

00:58:16.260 to approve anything, you know?

00:58:17.880 Is that what he was?

00:58:18.760 He was just attitude about everything?

00:58:20.540 Didn't like anything?

00:58:21.780 I think in his home, you know?

00:58:24.140 I think men get that way

00:58:25.440 at a certain point

00:58:26.040 and I get it, you know?

00:58:26.980 Oh, we don't do that stuff

00:58:27.840 in my home.

00:58:28.580 I paid.

00:58:29.720 You want to do that?

00:58:31.000 Go get your own house. 0.67

00:58:32.000 Yeah.

00:58:32.300 That's that old phrase.

00:58:33.440 It's just mine.

00:58:34.340 If you want to do something,

00:58:35.240 you go get your own.

00:58:36.100 Yeah.

00:58:36.440 I get that.

00:58:37.400 I get that.

00:58:38.080 If I have kids

00:58:39.420 and there's always that awkward point 1.00

00:58:41.800 when your son starts masturbating 1.00

00:58:43.500 and I'm going to make him do it outside. 1.00

00:58:45.900 You can't do that in my house.

00:58:46.960 You have to step outside.

00:58:48.520 Oh, my dad used to make us bury it, dude, 0.90

00:58:50.100 if we jerked off.

00:58:51.240 Yeah, go put it in the yard. 0.99

00:58:52.400 I'm going to build a masturbation shed. 0.97

00:58:53.880 I say you go to the shed 0.99

00:58:54.700 and put a little baby heater in there 0.99

00:58:56.160 for when it's cold, you know?

00:58:57.720 But go to the shed.

00:58:58.440 I want you to go to the shed

00:58:59.260 and think about it.

00:59:00.140 Oh, that's lively. 1.00

00:59:01.060 Yeah, go jerk off in the shed. 0.99

00:59:02.760 Let it stay outside of my home. 0.99

00:59:04.420 I paid for the home.

00:59:05.260 I make them buy the shed.

00:59:06.380 Right.

00:59:06.580 And it'll give them sort of an idea of like,

00:59:09.500 okay, you know, this is something,

00:59:11.860 this is a special event.

00:59:13.600 Uh-huh.

00:59:14.420 Not your dish.

00:59:15.120 Because when you think,

00:59:15.780 sometimes when, you know,

00:59:16.700 the product of human

00:59:18.000 that's being created these days,

00:59:19.580 it's like, no wonder.

00:59:20.860 Yeah.

00:59:21.220 No wonder everybody has some,

00:59:22.200 you know, some kid has nine elbows 0.99

00:59:23.860 and he fucking, you know, 0.99

00:59:25.520 and he's just drinking snot out of his nose. 1.00

00:59:28.380 No fucking wonder. 0.99

00:59:29.360 Because every decent nut was ejaculated. 1.00

00:59:32.440 It's all gone. 0.82

00:59:33.200 Yeah, it's all blown out.

00:59:34.360 These are the leftovers.

00:59:34.900 These are the nut, you're from nut 9000. 1.00

00:59:37.780 No wonder you fucking, you know. 1.00

00:59:40.680 No wonder you have six tongues, dude. 1.00

00:59:43.040 And you're never gonna be able to read.

00:59:45.760 Yeah.

00:59:47.080 It's a beautiful day.

00:59:48.400 I'm happy you're here

00:59:49.300 and I'm happy I'm here.

00:59:50.940 What I'm saying is that

00:59:53.100 some men suffer from erectile difficulty 0.99

00:59:56.040 and that's problems within your body by your penis. 1.00

00:59:59.440 And this episode is sponsored by Blue Chew. 1.00

01:00:02.400 Remember the days when you were always ready to go?

01:00:06.160 Do you remember that, guys?

01:00:08.060 Now you can increase your performance

01:00:09.560 and get that extra confidence in bed.

01:00:12.360 Listen up.

01:00:13.680 BlueChew.com.

01:00:15.220 That's blue like the color blue.

01:00:17.940 Blue Chew brings you the first chewable erectile helper

01:00:21.740 with the same FDA-approved active ingredients

01:00:25.040 as Viagra and Cialis.

01:00:27.040 You can pop them anywhere, day or night,

01:00:30.040 afternoon, leap year, even on a full stomach.

01:00:33.500 And they work up to twice as fast as a swallowable pill.

01:00:37.800 Blue Chew is prescribed online by licensed physician.

01:00:42.300 So you don't go to the doctor office

01:00:44.600 or wait in the line at the pharmacy.

01:00:46.880 It ships right to your door in a discreet packaging.

01:00:50.500 Oh, I wonder what that is.

01:00:52.240 Maybe a new, maybe a new hammock?

01:00:54.960 Nah, player, that's them poppers. 0.99

01:00:58.800 They're made in the USA.

01:01:00.080 And since Blue Chew prepares and ships direct,

01:01:02.760 they're cheaper than a pharmacy.

01:01:05.460 Right now, I got a special deal

01:01:07.140 for the listeners of this podcast.

01:01:09.760 Go to BlueChew.com and get your first shipment free

01:01:13.380 when you use our code, Theo.

01:01:16.160 Just pay $5 shipping.

01:01:18.500 Oh, excuse me.

01:01:19.720 I had a couple and I'm ready.

01:01:21.660 Just pay $5 shipping.

01:01:23.140 Again, that's B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com. 1.00

01:01:28.060 Promo code T-H-E-O to try it for free.

01:01:31.400 Blue Chew is the better, cheaper, faster choice

01:01:34.260 and we thank them for sponsoring the podcast. 0.99

01:01:37.120 And once your penis is doing well, 0.99

01:01:38.980 you can tighten up the rest of yourself. 1.00

01:01:41.260 I'm talking about Manscaped.

01:01:43.640 Support for this past weekend comes from Manscaped,

01:01:47.340 who is the best in men below the belt grooming.

01:01:50.620 Manscaped offers precision-engineered tools

01:01:55.260 for your family jewels. 0.99

01:01:57.400 A lot of times you'll see somebody's penis 0.99

01:01:59.240 and you don't know what's going on with it. 0.99

01:02:01.320 Or you'll see somebody who'll have, you know, 1.00

01:02:04.340 a bunch of junk lying around their cock. 1.00

01:02:08.640 But times have changed 1.00

01:02:10.100 and you can tighten up your penis and everything, 1.00

01:02:14.160 all your hair on your body. 1.00

01:02:15.360 It's time to gear up and get yourself

01:02:18.080 the gift of shaving this holiday season.

01:02:22.140 I'm talking about the Manscaped Perfect Package 2.0. 0.99

01:02:27.840 Man, a lot of people will accidentally cut into their scrotum 0.89

01:02:30.840 when they're trying to trim their hair on their body. 0.98

01:02:33.900 Not you.

01:02:35.240 That's why the revolutionary company Manscaped

01:02:37.860 has redesigned the electric trimmer.

01:02:39.580 Their lawnmower 2.0 has proprietary advanced skin-safe technology.

01:02:47.180 You'll never nick your nuts.

01:02:49.680 Tis the season to get Manscaped for yourself or someone else.

01:02:53.000 Get 20% off and free shipping with code THEO at manscaped.com. 0.98

01:02:59.480 Your balls will thank you. 0.92

01:03:01.600 Get 20% off and free shipping with code THEO at manscaped.com. 0.99

01:03:06.200 Clean up your nuts and make everyone proud.

01:03:09.580 And now, back to the program.

01:03:12.440 Let's get a question.

01:03:13.500 We had some video questions that came in from some good humans, man.

01:03:16.840 Oh, look at this guy.

01:03:21.940 Yo, what's up, Andrew?

01:03:22.820 What's up, Theo?

01:03:23.540 I wanted to know, how do you guys manage anger?

01:03:25.540 It could be somebody making you angry or you're angry at something

01:03:28.140 and how do you respond to it and how do you stay cool?

01:03:31.860 Gang, gang.

01:03:32.640 Gang, bro.

01:03:33.260 And you, let's start, you...

01:03:35.380 I like that guy.

01:03:36.580 I like that guy.

01:03:37.080 And you're more of an anger guy.

01:03:38.300 I'm very angry.

01:03:38.860 No, but I'm a balanced guy.

01:03:40.640 I just, I have anger in me.

01:03:41.860 I like that guy because I knew he was going to have a foreign accent,

01:03:44.820 but I knew I wouldn't know where it was from.

01:03:47.680 It was just a little tinge of something.

01:03:49.300 He's got a little Eastern European in there or something like that.

01:03:51.780 Play it, play it, play it.

01:03:52.540 What's up, Andrew?

01:03:53.100 What's up, Theo?

01:03:53.840 I wanted to know, how do you guys manage anger?

01:03:55.720 Manage?

01:03:56.100 Is somebody making you angry or you're angry at something

01:03:58.420 and how do you respond to it and how do you stay cool?

01:04:01.300 Yeah, he has a tinge of something.

01:04:02.480 Mexico or something?

01:04:02.940 Poland?

01:04:03.440 Eastern European.

01:04:04.520 I'm going to go Poland. 0.85

01:04:05.360 I'm also going to say he's from Canada, though.

01:04:07.020 Do you know where he's from, Dan?

01:04:08.500 He didn't say.

01:04:09.260 Okay.

01:04:09.680 He's from Newfoundland, if anything.

01:04:11.340 Ah.

01:04:11.740 Yeah, Newfoundland.

01:04:12.680 How do I manage anger?

01:04:13.760 I think everyone does it.

01:04:16.240 I mean, on a personal level, obviously, I like to run.

01:04:20.280 I put on headphones and I run for as long as I can

01:04:22.360 until negative thoughts go away.

01:04:24.740 Wow.

01:04:25.180 I get into a fight with the old bag.

01:04:26.660 I put on my headphones and I disappear into the night.

01:04:29.240 Running at night is like my favorite thing in the world

01:04:30.540 to get rid of my anxiety or my anger.

01:04:32.580 I just run until I feel like I'm done.

01:04:35.000 I Forrest Gump it, for real.

01:04:36.280 I just run until I'm done.

01:04:37.360 I know exactly when I'm done.

01:04:38.940 It's not like a number thing.

01:04:40.400 It's not like a mileage ticker.

01:04:42.060 I just keep running.

01:04:43.660 And then sometimes, one time I ran so far,

01:04:45.880 I took an Uber home. 1.00

01:04:47.040 Damn. 1.00

01:04:47.440 I ran seven miles in one direction. 0.99

01:04:49.000 And I was like, I don't want to run seven miles back.

01:04:50.620 Yeah. 0.98

01:04:51.000 I jumped as I fucking hit an Uber. 1.00

01:04:53.620 Sometimes I do that shit. 1.00

01:04:54.780 That's how I manage it. 1.00

01:04:56.140 I used to, you know, therapy and all that stuff.

01:04:58.380 You can do a lot of that, too.

01:04:59.300 But I find exercise, for some reason,

01:05:01.680 it wipes away all the thoughts in my brain.

01:05:03.440 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:03.820 Negative shit. 1.00

01:05:04.440 If someone's being negative and it's circulating in my world, you know, 1.00

01:05:07.760 people being mean or rude or whatever, I just run.

01:05:11.760 Well, having that physical element.

01:05:13.540 It feels good.

01:05:14.480 Dude, it's so imperative, really.

01:05:17.100 I think in anything is having a physical element to go along with whatever your process is

01:05:22.140 or your program is.

01:05:23.140 Like, you know, you see a lot of these guys.

01:05:25.880 You see a lot of guys who, you know, in the self-help world,

01:05:30.420 a lot of them have a real physical element also to what they do to keep them active,

01:05:34.540 keeps your blood moving,

01:05:36.000 reminds you that you're like a being that is not just this brain that's just like,

01:05:40.500 you know, stuck in this, you know, in a weird little rabbit wheel or whatever, you know,

01:05:45.920 that you are this, you know, capable creature, you know.

01:05:51.160 And it reminds your body that.

01:05:52.660 And I think your body even reminds your brain that. 0.99

01:05:54.620 And like on another level, like, dude, chill the fuck out, bro. 1.00

01:05:57.300 Good thinking about that shit. 1.00

01:05:58.160 We're running. 1.00

01:05:59.060 We're running, bro.

01:05:59.660 Yeah, we're doing.

01:06:00.600 Look at how capable you are.

01:06:02.040 Yeah, that's, yeah.

01:06:02.860 You do yoga, right?

01:06:04.040 You still do yoga?

01:06:04.840 I've been doing it.

01:06:05.460 Actually, recently, I've gotten into a lot of meditation recently,

01:06:07.820 which has really been helping me feel good.

01:06:09.800 And yeah, I do yoga and I go to the gym.

01:06:12.420 I have a trainer now that I go see at least two days a week.

01:06:16.200 That's good.

01:06:16.520 And then I'll go by myself too.

01:06:18.340 And it helps, man.

01:06:19.440 It just, yeah.

01:06:21.400 It just, these days, you gotta have it.

01:06:23.760 We're more sedentary creatures, I think.

01:06:26.020 Well, it's easier to get everything.

01:06:27.300 You know, you have it delivered.

01:06:28.520 You sit in your car.

01:06:29.220 You sit around too much.

01:06:30.360 We work at these things sometimes.

01:06:32.120 You know what I mean?

01:06:32.480 You do podcasts a lot.

01:06:33.400 Like, you're sitting and operating, working on computers and things all the time.

01:06:37.080 Yeah.

01:06:37.360 You have to get up and go.

01:06:38.240 What do you do?

01:06:39.080 What do you do to manage your anger?

01:06:40.060 You work out?

01:06:40.740 Is that what you do too?

01:06:41.760 Well, meditation helps me.

01:06:43.340 And then...

01:06:45.360 But you're not an angry guy.

01:06:47.220 Most of my anger is at myself, really.

01:06:49.060 Yeah.

01:06:49.240 I don't see you get angry at other things, other elements you don't really get mad at.

01:06:52.780 You're a hard guy.

01:06:54.500 As long as I've known you, I've never seen you get really angry at somebody unless they

01:07:00.820 really did something bad.

01:07:04.160 But it's rare for you to get upset.

01:07:06.500 Yeah.

01:07:06.760 I think for some reason, I just end up getting upset at myself.

01:07:10.660 Right.

01:07:10.840 So these days, it's just kind of managing that, realizing that things are okay.

01:07:15.220 And if I have anger, realizing it, figuring out what my part is in it.

01:07:18.160 Why am I angry at this person?

01:07:19.360 Like, what's really going on?

01:07:20.380 Am I really angry at this person?

01:07:22.580 Or I probably could have done something.

01:07:24.940 A lot of times, I didn't communicate clearly.

01:07:26.920 That's a lot of my problem, I noticed.

01:07:28.360 Right.

01:07:28.520 I don't communicate clearly what I want in the beginning or what I'm hoping for or what

01:07:32.320 I'm expecting. 0.96

01:07:33.260 So then I get down the road and it's like, what the fuck's going on, dude? 0.98

01:07:36.880 Right. 0.98

01:07:37.160 You know what I'm saying?

01:07:37.700 What did you expect?

01:07:38.340 Yeah, we're at a carnival, dude.

01:07:39.820 You know what I'm saying, bro?

01:07:41.300 You know what I'm saying, dude? 1.00

01:07:43.500 I'm trying to buy Quickrete, dog, and you and me are fucking eating Sundays at a carnival. 0.99

01:07:47.680 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:47.840 This shit's pissing me off, you know? 1.00

01:07:49.380 Fuck off. 1.00

01:07:49.660 But it's like, well, dude, I didn't know, you know? 1.00

01:07:51.380 So a lot of times for me, I notice it's communication.

01:07:54.560 That's where things get errant.

01:07:56.000 Yeah, it is.

01:07:56.740 Because the story will go in my head.

01:07:59.200 Yeah.

01:07:59.500 My head will start rattling.

01:08:00.620 But yeah, I'll do some meditation.

01:08:03.540 But physical fitness always helps.

01:08:05.400 Let's get into another one here we got.

01:08:08.560 Theo and Cheeto.

01:08:09.740 What up, guys?

01:08:10.580 This is Beckett from Colorado.

01:08:13.160 So about a week ago, I was on this first date with this beautiful girl, and she orders a margarita,

01:08:18.680 right?

01:08:19.280 And I ordered a nice glass of milk.

01:08:22.520 And she didn't want a second date.

01:08:25.540 So I guess my question to y'all is, adults drinking milk?

01:08:30.220 Yay or nay?

01:08:30.780 What do you guys think?

01:08:32.040 Yay.

01:08:32.780 Anyway, gang, gang, chug, chug.

01:08:34.800 Chug, chug, chug, baby.

01:08:36.220 Yeah, yay.

01:08:37.200 I yay to that.

01:08:37.920 That's dope. 0.93

01:08:38.480 The guy wants a glass of milk.

01:08:39.380 He's an adult.

01:08:40.160 He can have a glass of milk.

01:08:41.580 This is the greatest country on earth.

01:08:43.620 You know?

01:08:44.080 They don't let you have milk in certain countries.

01:08:45.860 That's true.

01:08:46.440 It's a great country.

01:08:47.280 You can just have milk.

01:08:48.320 Maybe he didn't want a margarita.

01:08:49.940 You don't need her, bro.

01:08:50.960 She doesn't need to be judging your liquid choices.

01:08:53.020 That's insane.

01:08:53.860 Yeah.

01:08:54.200 The only liquids you should keep away from Theo or Pink Gatorade if he's eating some tuna.

01:08:58.680 That's a no.

01:08:59.980 No, I don't like that.

01:09:01.540 Maybe he didn't feel like having a drink.

01:09:03.900 That's something weird about going on dates that I hear from all my friends.

01:09:09.720 They go on dates and it's like, are they going to have, is it going to be an alcoholic beverage or not?

01:09:14.660 That's always like a big conversation.

01:09:15.700 Oh, that's the choice.

01:09:16.200 Yeah, you got to make that choice.

01:09:17.240 Yeah, and it shouldn't even matter.

01:09:20.340 If you're going to go have drinks, we'll talk about it after the dinner and the drinks.

01:09:24.120 I mean, the dinner and the date.

01:09:26.640 It's like if we want to go to a bar, if that's the next step.

01:09:29.120 But I don't think my boy from Colorado should feel bad about having a glass of milk, especially if it was, you know, farm fresh.

01:09:35.080 You know what I mean?

01:09:35.660 Yeah, I think, and hopefully you went whole milk.

01:09:38.140 If you go skim milk when she ordered something like that.

01:09:39.660 Well, that's probably, yeah.

01:09:40.440 Well, that could have been it.

01:09:41.340 She was probably like, he's like, I'll just take a 1%.

01:09:43.680 She was like, we'll get out of here.

01:09:45.340 We don't need dessert. 0.96

01:09:47.640 Or if he asked for some weird ass milk. 0.97

01:09:49.320 He didn't say who it was. 0.98

01:09:50.220 It could have been goats.

01:09:51.220 Yeah, if you asked for goat, chocolate, breasts. 1.00

01:09:53.680 If you asked for anything real ostentatious, bro, I think that's a bit much, dude.

01:09:57.960 I think if you order milk, though, at a bar, I think it is, it's not going to give her the air that you are probably living alone, you know?

01:10:10.140 Yeah, but can I tell you something?

01:10:11.640 Milk at a bar is such a bold choice that it makes me think you're an adventurous dude.

01:10:15.640 That's a good point.

01:10:17.000 But at his age, I wonder, yeah.

01:10:21.280 At his age, it just seems like.

01:10:24.080 Yeah, but he said at dinner.

01:10:26.020 So it wasn't at a bar.

01:10:26.800 I think it was at a restaurant.

01:10:27.700 Okay, then went to a nice restaurant.

01:10:28.860 That's legit.

01:10:29.540 I'm going to have milk with my meal.

01:10:30.620 Yeah, respect, man. 1.00

01:10:31.320 You fucking drink what you want. 1.00

01:10:32.700 Exactly. 1.00

01:10:33.040 Yeah, a lot of times I let the lady order first. 1.00

01:10:35.260 That way, if she wants alcohol, she can have alcohol. 1.00

01:10:37.500 And then I'll order after, you know?

01:10:40.300 Or if I get there early, I'll order something.

01:10:42.360 If I'm worried about how she, if drinking or not, I'll get something like a seltzer water, put a lime in it.

01:10:47.840 Or get a non-alcoholic beer sometimes if I really want to.

01:10:50.860 Do you like the taste of those?

01:10:52.080 There's so many of them now.

01:10:53.340 Oh, there are?

01:10:54.060 Bro, there's like 10 different ones.

01:10:56.400 I didn't even know that.

01:10:57.180 Yeah.

01:10:57.440 I know O'Doul's is the one that I, my buddy's dad.

01:11:00.180 Yeah, O'Doul's is the most popular.

01:11:01.360 He drinks that all the time.

01:11:02.500 He'll rip through 12 of them at our house.

01:11:04.180 That's crazy, dude. 0.93

01:11:04.760 He would rip, he rips them, dude.

01:11:06.780 He'll get a 12-pack in like an hour.

01:11:08.920 He'll be like, I got to get more O'Doul's. 1.00

01:11:10.800 I love that, dude.

01:11:11.760 I think that's, hey, I don't, I've never had one, so I don't, the flavor is good?

01:11:16.840 Yeah, the flavor is good.

01:11:17.800 And the new ones are, they have ones that are a lot more exquisite now.

01:11:22.280 Oh, you know what?

01:11:22.920 I'm lying.

01:11:23.820 Rogan has the Heineken does one.

01:11:26.120 What is it called?

01:11:26.520 I don't remember the name.

01:11:29.740 Whatever, Rogan made me try one once.

01:11:31.440 But I don't like Heineken.

01:11:33.460 So it didn't taste, I was just like, no, this is not, it tasted like Heineken.

01:11:37.500 So it wasn't.

01:11:38.040 And Heineken, a lot of black men drink Heineken, you know it? 0.94

01:11:41.240 Yeah, black guys like Heineken. 0.94

01:11:41.800 It's become a black male's beer. 0.97

01:11:42.760 Yeah, yeah. 0.98

01:11:43.360 Black men drink a lot of Heineken. 0.99

01:11:44.080 Well, the black guys don't like IPAs. 1.00

01:11:45.660 That's a white guy beer. 0.99

01:11:46.720 IPA is white. 0.81

01:11:47.580 Black guys like clear beer. 1.00

01:11:50.300 Yeah. 0.97

01:11:50.460 Clear beer.

01:11:51.580 I don't know what that is.

01:11:52.700 I don't like Heineken for some reason.

01:11:54.740 I just can't do it.

01:11:55.500 Heineken always gave me like a headache and stuff.

01:11:57.480 I remember when I was in high school, there was always something weird about it.

01:11:59.900 Yeah.

01:12:00.440 No, it threw me for a loop.

01:12:02.200 But also, I think like when you were saying what you do to order in advance, I think that's

01:12:07.720 really smart that you order like a seltzer water just to like set the tone.

01:12:11.460 Yeah, and if I put a lime in it, she doesn't know what it is. 0.99

01:12:14.100 That way, it's like if in her mind, you know.

01:12:16.980 And also, if you don't drink, I feel like sometimes if you don't, there's no pressure for the girl

01:12:20.980 to drink.

01:12:21.540 I'm also not at the place in my life where I'm trying to take home a drunk girl, you know. 0.75

01:12:26.680 It's just a lot of work, huh?

01:12:27.640 Like, it's work, it's risky, I feel like, you know.

01:12:31.760 It's just, yeah, and it just, it's, I don't know, it's just not what I'm into, really.

01:12:36.240 I don't want some drunk person. 0.94

01:12:37.680 I remember years and years ago, some drunk girl thought she was at a fucking mall or something 0.99

01:12:43.100 wandering around my apartment, picking up stuff, looking at the bottom of it for prices. 0.95

01:12:47.040 She's like, there's no prices on anything here.

01:12:48.740 Well, did she buy anything?

01:12:49.500 Did she get anything? 0.99

01:12:49.820 And I'm like, it's my fucking apartment, you know what I'm saying? 0.99

01:12:52.460 Yeah, but I would have charged her. 0.99

01:12:53.940 She'd pick up something, I'm like, $23.85, but I'll give it to you for $24.

01:12:57.820 How about that?

01:12:58.700 I'll give you, I'll go up in price.

01:13:00.240 When I used to go on dates, I would just eat the full meal before they even ordered.

01:13:03.760 Oh, yeah.

01:13:04.340 Yeah, I ordered in advance.

01:13:05.300 I would eat it while they're looking to the menu, just to set the tone, you know.

01:13:08.900 It's like, I get to eat, then you get to eat.

01:13:10.580 I'm ready to go.

01:13:11.300 I'm ready to, I gotta get out of here.

01:13:12.520 I eat dessert when they're getting their meal.

01:13:14.700 Dude, I used to only invite chicks to the movies when it was cold, and I would go in early,

01:13:18.640 so they had to get their own ticket.

01:13:22.140 Like, you're warming up, you're halfway through the popcorn.

01:13:27.800 That's genius.

01:13:29.800 Who's this dude?

01:13:31.420 And by I say girls, I mean probably one girl.

01:13:33.860 One girl, yeah, that's it.

01:13:35.320 That worked one time.

01:13:36.460 I think that guy who orders milk, just to go back to it quickly, should do it every time.

01:13:39.920 That's a great weeding out process.

01:13:41.220 The guy likes milk.

01:13:42.120 If she's not cool with that, she's not the one.

01:13:43.940 Yeah, exactly.

01:13:44.660 Imagine meeting the girl that goes, I'll take a milk too.

01:13:47.640 He's like, this is my wife, dude.

01:13:49.140 Oh, dude, that's a commercial.

01:13:50.180 Yeah, that's for milk.

01:13:51.880 Yeah, Dairy Farmers of America.

01:13:53.980 If she liked milk, you ought to like her.

01:13:58.440 Here's a beautiful guy.

01:14:00.300 It's Jacob from England.

01:14:02.320 Got one question for you.

01:14:04.580 Who would be the better father?

01:14:08.580 Theo, Andrew, or Bobby Lee, baby?

01:14:11.260 Gang, gang.

01:14:12.220 Gang, gang.

01:14:13.180 Who would be the better father?

01:14:14.260 Is that what he said?

01:14:14.820 Yeah, the better father.

01:14:15.820 He says father.

01:14:16.820 Father.

01:14:17.580 Who would be the better father?

01:14:19.660 Let me ask you a question.

01:14:20.620 No, I'll put it down.

01:14:21.760 Theo, who would be a better father?

01:14:24.260 I like the way they say stuff.

01:14:25.620 Who would be a better?

01:14:26.280 It's like they're all allowed to have a lisp.

01:14:27.900 Yeah.

01:14:28.280 Who would be the better father?

01:14:29.900 You know what I mean?

01:14:30.780 That they get away with it.

01:14:31.700 If an English guy has a lisp, it sounds cooler for some reason.

01:14:34.160 Oh, yeah.

01:14:35.020 When it's like an American, when he's backless. 1.00

01:14:38.180 Yeah.

01:14:38.880 You're always like, oh, no.

01:14:40.900 Yes.

01:14:41.600 Up here and stuff.

01:14:42.460 These are my favorites in here.

01:14:44.360 Well, it's just part of this.

01:14:46.080 It's just something that we have to focus on.

01:14:49.180 Yeah.

01:14:49.540 I know a girl who dated a guy with four S's in his first and last name.

01:14:53.600 So she had to call him that all the time. 1.00

01:14:56.500 Oh, suck my kids. 1.00

01:14:58.540 Oh, suck my kids. 1.00

01:15:00.760 Who would be the better father? 1.00

01:15:02.340 Oh, God.

01:15:02.900 Of us three, of me, you, and Bob?

01:15:04.920 I don't know, man.

01:15:05.700 I think we'd all make decent fathers in our own right.

01:15:07.440 No, that's not true.

01:15:08.340 I think you and me would.

01:15:09.320 We'd have a better shot.

01:15:10.160 We'd have a better shot.

01:15:10.820 Yeah.

01:15:11.220 Bobby would not be.

01:15:12.580 He wouldn't be a bad dad.

01:15:13.740 I think he would just.

01:15:15.320 He'd be a bad stepfather. 0.55

01:15:16.880 A terrible stepfather.

01:15:18.640 He'd be a good.

01:15:20.780 He'd be a good.

01:15:23.080 Friend of your dad's.

01:15:23.700 Friend of your dad's.

01:15:24.460 Yeah.

01:15:24.620 Like a buddy.

01:15:25.260 A hangout buddy.

01:15:25.980 You and I'd be great.

01:15:26.600 You'd be a great father, man.

01:15:28.500 Thanks, man.

01:15:28.860 You have so much whimsy.

01:15:31.120 I think kids need an adult who has whimsy.

01:15:33.340 Do you know what I mean?

01:15:34.580 Yeah.

01:15:34.880 You know, there's a comic out of Philadelphia.

01:15:37.700 Chris O'Connor, he's hilarious.

01:15:39.160 He's so funny.

01:15:40.440 And he said that about somebody.

01:15:42.120 A family member.

01:15:42.880 He goes, the dude lacks all whimsy.

01:15:44.700 And it made me laugh.

01:15:45.640 I was like, wow, that's such.

01:15:46.740 You need to have whimsy when you're a father figure.

01:15:49.520 Yeah, because kids, it can go anywhere.

01:15:51.640 Yeah.

01:15:52.040 Like, let them do it.

01:15:53.300 Let them.

01:15:53.860 Dude, they're in the wind.

01:15:54.960 They're figuring it all out.

01:15:56.060 Yeah.

01:15:56.280 They don't even know what's going on.

01:15:57.540 Think about.

01:15:58.040 Dude, nobody remembers eight years old. 0.99

01:15:59.540 Who fucking knows? 0.99

01:16:01.020 I have no idea. 1.00

01:16:01.740 The stuff that you got into.

01:16:03.000 Whenever you watch, I was watching kids on the plane.

01:16:06.300 These two little boys were sitting next to us when we came back.

01:16:09.000 And they were losing and having so much fun.

01:16:11.200 They were throwing M&Ms at each other.

01:16:13.340 And he was like, he's like, he's like, throw it in my mouth.

01:16:15.740 And he would, on purpose, throw it, hit him in the eye. 0.59

01:16:17.320 And he would laugh.

01:16:17.940 And he's like, do it again.

01:16:19.000 He knew it was coming again.

01:16:19.960 It was great.

01:16:20.760 They made a bunch of little games with little M&Ms.

01:16:22.580 And the man next to them wasn't enjoying it.

01:16:24.740 He had zero whimsy.

01:16:25.820 He didn't like it.

01:16:26.760 He didn't like it.

01:16:27.380 I said, he should have been like, give me one.

01:16:29.060 You know what I mean?

01:16:29.440 He should have.

01:16:30.120 Play along.

01:16:30.960 Pick up.

01:16:31.740 Ask for the throw.

01:16:32.700 You know?

01:16:32.900 Throw me the ball.

01:16:33.660 I always do that.

01:16:35.040 I have enough whimsy in me where I'm excited about a little person to, I want to hear what

01:16:40.680 they're thinking about.

01:16:42.360 Yeah.

01:16:42.660 Whenever I say little people, I'm going to talk about like Brad Williams.

01:16:46.580 He's talking about, you know.

01:16:47.540 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:16:48.260 Because I know what he's thinking about.

01:16:49.480 A little freak.

01:16:50.580 Threesomes and all of that.

01:16:51.440 A little freak.

01:16:52.640 He's in the dark arts, man.

01:16:53.740 He talks about it.

01:16:54.520 He really is, man.

01:16:55.720 He really.

01:16:56.400 No, I just, I think about, I just want to know what's going through their little heads

01:16:59.520 because they're.

01:16:59.960 Yeah.

01:17:00.520 They're filled with all sorts of weird, fun ideas.

01:17:03.120 The stuff that they come up with. 0.99

01:17:04.560 And they get their butt. 0.99

01:17:05.380 Dude, my nephew just got his butt out this time when I was at home. 0.99

01:17:08.000 He kept showing me his butt like the coolest thing he'd ever gotten. 0.98

01:17:10.540 It is, though. 0.98

01:17:11.320 Because he just found it.

01:17:12.200 I know, dude.

01:17:13.040 He just found it.

01:17:14.320 Imagine how fun that is when you just find it.

01:17:16.020 Oh, dude. 0.58

01:17:16.540 Crazy.

01:17:16.900 Like, imagine if you just saw now that you had hands. 0.85

01:17:19.080 You know what I mean?

01:17:19.500 You're like, dude, look at these things.

01:17:20.960 Look at it.

01:17:21.280 You show it to everybody.

01:17:22.660 How old is your nephew?

01:17:24.580 One of them is seven and one of them is five.

01:17:26.900 You got two, right?

01:17:27.520 Six and four.

01:17:28.140 Yeah, I got two.

01:17:28.860 Wow.

01:17:29.300 I got two little nieces.

01:17:32.120 And they're like, they're incredible.

01:17:34.460 We went to Harry Potter town with them.

01:17:36.400 Really?

01:17:36.800 They came out here?

01:17:37.540 Yeah.

01:17:37.920 Oh, wow.

01:17:38.480 Harry Potter land.

01:17:39.500 At Universal?

01:17:40.340 Yeah.

01:17:41.120 That's cool.

01:17:41.780 Bro, it's so fun.

01:17:44.300 Yeah.

01:17:44.460 I was like, this is going to be good for the girls. 0.69

01:17:46.280 I was loving it.

01:17:47.300 Yeah.

01:17:47.720 I had three butterbeers.

01:17:48.940 I was living my life, dude.

01:17:51.020 I thought, for real, I was like, I was excited for the girls.

01:17:54.520 But then when I got there, I was excited for me.

01:17:56.800 Yeah.

01:17:57.460 It was, it's so fun to live in that world.

01:17:59.580 You're like, this is what they experience all the time.

01:18:01.600 This kind of, this kind of thought process is how they're living every day.

01:18:05.080 Yeah.

01:18:05.480 I wish we could have more of that.

01:18:06.840 Yeah.

01:18:07.020 There's more possibilities.

01:18:08.340 There's not as much judgment.

01:18:09.840 Yeah.

01:18:09.960 The rules are less.

01:18:11.560 The rules are like, don't hit, don't be mean, enjoy.

01:18:15.580 Yeah.

01:18:15.720 You know?

01:18:16.180 But the rules are less.

01:18:17.540 There's more like openness to creativity.

01:18:20.700 And then adult world, there's almost none.

01:18:24.020 I mean, outside of what we do for a living, I'm saying in your regular life, you can't be

01:18:27.660 that.

01:18:27.860 You're not allowed to kind of-

01:18:29.040 You get bogged down.

01:18:30.360 Yeah.

01:18:30.580 Well, people don't like you to stretch.

01:18:32.300 They don't like, they want people in order.

01:18:34.320 Everybody likes order.

01:18:35.220 You know what I mean?

01:18:36.080 Yeah.

01:18:36.560 They just want it to be very organized.

01:18:38.600 It's kind of fun when it, that's what I'm like.

01:18:39.960 That's why Southwest Airlines makes me laugh when they're, you know?

01:18:42.220 Yeah.

01:18:42.520 If you're going to Vegas or coming back from Vegas, they always do it right.

01:18:44.900 Yeah.

01:18:45.140 They just figure it out.

01:18:46.060 Who lost all their minds?

01:18:47.780 And they start yelling at you.

01:18:49.000 Yeah.

01:18:49.280 I love that it's kind of chaotic.

01:18:50.480 They're wearing shorts.

01:18:51.600 Yeah. 0.99

01:18:51.940 That's fucking great. 0.98

01:18:53.060 The only airline that lets people wear short, they wear short their own shirts. 0.99

01:18:56.620 You know what I mean?

01:18:56.900 I saw a dude with his own company name on his shirt.

01:18:59.080 Oh, that's awesome.

01:18:59.580 Like his own brand.

01:19:00.020 Yeah.

01:19:00.180 That's great.

01:19:00.700 I was like, they don't really care.

01:19:01.960 Southwest really does it right.

01:19:03.560 Dude. 1.00

01:19:03.800 And they're like, yeah, the flight attendants seem like they'll fuck it. 1.00

01:19:06.600 They're not that hot. 1.00

01:19:07.240 Maybe, but they definitely seem like they'll fuck you. 1.00

01:19:09.200 They'll probably will. 1.00

01:19:10.000 Yeah.

01:19:10.220 Yeah.

01:19:10.380 They'll come home.

01:19:10.920 They'll give you a ride home if you ask.

01:19:12.740 Yeah.

01:19:12.940 If I didn't jump my car the other week, I was like, get out, let's go, man.

01:19:16.500 I need to jump.

01:19:17.160 He's like, I got you, baby.

01:19:18.380 What was that gentleman asking about, Nick?

01:19:20.600 He asked, he said, who was a beautiful young fellow?

01:19:24.300 A better father.

01:19:25.180 Oh yeah.

01:19:25.400 Who would be the better father?

01:19:26.120 A better father.

01:19:26.620 I think that's it then.

01:19:27.400 I think we'd probably maybe tie somewhere in there.

01:19:29.900 Yeah.

01:19:30.160 You'd be good at it, man.

01:19:31.520 We just know that Bobby'd be bad.

01:19:33.300 I think that's the only thing.

01:19:33.980 He'd be so bad.

01:19:35.300 And he would admit it.

01:19:36.620 Oh my God.

01:19:37.040 Yeah.

01:19:37.300 He would leave it everywhere.

01:19:38.520 He would leave kids everywhere.

01:19:39.560 He's still a baby.

01:19:40.320 He's still gestating, dude.

01:19:41.560 He sleeps almost as much as a lot of those in utero babies.

01:19:46.220 Right.

01:19:46.520 Well, you know, because he's so round that he can lean on his side.

01:19:50.460 He doesn't even need to go down.

01:19:51.860 He can just, just a couple of inches to the left and now he's sleeping.

01:19:54.740 It's incredible.

01:19:56.100 It's incredible to watch.

01:19:57.320 He's a remarkable little treat.

01:19:58.840 All right.

01:19:59.060 You got another one?

01:19:59.900 Yeah.

01:20:00.060 Let's hit another one here.

01:20:01.040 We got a guy right here.

01:20:02.320 Uh-oh.

01:20:03.080 Beautiful young man.

01:20:04.100 Theo, gang, gang, Andrew, I've got a question for you.

01:20:11.180 When's your next special?

01:20:12.680 I want to see, I want to see something, man. 0.99

01:20:14.860 I got Amazon Prime just so I can watch your shit from like 27 years ago. 0.99

01:20:20.220 And I feel like a stalker at this point. 0.99

01:20:22.740 I've seen it like 10 times.

01:20:24.620 That's very cool.

01:20:25.540 I appreciate that.

01:20:26.320 Yeah.

01:20:26.620 I don't know, man.

01:20:27.340 Um, that's funny.

01:20:29.540 That's funny because I, we, you and I have kind of talked about that and I want to, I

01:20:33.140 want to really talk to you for real about that of like, what are you going to do next?

01:20:36.640 Because you and I, for the past couple of years, have talked about the state of that

01:20:40.420 and the state of comedy.

01:20:41.200 I don't know what I want to do next as far as the special goes.

01:20:43.720 I do want to put something out.

01:20:45.020 But, um, I read this article that Jay Leno, maybe it was Hollywood Report or something.

01:20:51.460 And they asked him why he doesn't do a special on Netflix.

01:20:53.620 They're like, all your friends are doing specials.

01:20:54.880 Like, why don't you do one?

01:20:56.140 And he was like, I really love live comedy.

01:20:58.460 I want people to come see me.

01:21:00.400 And, and he's like, I don't really care about putting something down forever.

01:21:03.780 Now, granted, that's not my opinion, but it struck a chord with me.

01:21:06.940 And I was like, me too, though.

01:21:07.940 I love live shows.

01:21:09.480 That's where you see it.

01:21:10.300 I just love live shows.

01:21:11.760 I love, I want people to come see me when I come to their town so bad.

01:21:15.020 It's not that I don't want to put out a special, but I'm like, I don't know.

01:21:19.740 I think part of the beauty for me of standup is that we get to keep changing over time and molding.

01:21:24.480 And anybody who's seen me knows I try to do a lot of different stuff if I can, you know, and change it up.

01:21:30.580 I mean, I'm doing an hour now.

01:21:31.780 That's kind of a thing, but I don't know, man.

01:21:35.400 I just don't know what I want to do.

01:21:36.680 I mean, Netflix is, I'm not really on that ship, you know?

01:21:40.380 I'm not really on that boat, you know?

01:21:41.980 No hate on them, but I don't think they...

01:21:43.980 Yeah, we have to get offered.

01:21:45.260 Well, first of all, if you want to do a special, you have to get offered.

01:21:47.140 Yeah, yeah.

01:21:47.640 So we have to get an offer from a place that also an offer that we agree to.

01:21:51.420 That's the other thing.

01:21:52.020 You have to want to do it with them and you have to be cool with the terms.

01:21:55.460 So that's the thing that people don't know, unless you do it on your own, which a lot of people are doing.

01:21:58.580 But my fear of putting one out on my own is I just don't...

01:22:03.740 I don't know, man.

01:22:04.840 You know, like Callen kind of went his own way, you know?

01:22:08.620 Schultz did his own thing.

01:22:10.520 There's a lot of guys doing their own thing, but for the most part right now, like I'm comfortable in this pocket of...

01:22:15.640 I want people to come see me live.

01:22:17.120 Yeah, the beauty is live. 0.86

01:22:18.280 The beauty of it is live.

01:22:19.320 It never stands up when you see something, I don't think, on live, you know?

01:22:24.140 Or see it, whatever that's called, on tape.

01:22:26.460 But I appreciate that kind of love.

01:22:27.940 I mean, like you, I haven't asked you, we haven't talked in a long time about that.

01:22:31.240 Yeah.

01:22:31.400 What are you going to do?

01:22:33.740 I don't know.

01:22:34.440 I got, you know, I know there's some companies that have them, you know, platforms that have them that are going to come see me next week.

01:22:42.700 I got a show over at the Wiltern, so they're going to come see me.

01:22:45.380 And then... 0.97

01:22:46.000 Which you're going to murder. 0.99

01:22:47.060 What a venue, too.

01:22:47.980 The Wiltern's beautiful.

01:22:49.040 Yeah, I've never been.

01:22:49.840 I'm excited.

01:22:51.520 You've never been inside?

01:22:52.400 Uh-uh.

01:22:53.240 Bro, it's such a cool venue.

01:22:55.340 Really?

01:22:55.840 Gorgeous, man.

01:22:56.360 That was the first concert I ever saw, or the first band I saw in Los Angeles was at the Wiltern, and it's stunning, man.

01:23:03.920 Dang.

01:23:04.360 They did such a beautiful job with that, man.

01:23:06.060 Something about those theaters that have history in them, that have been around for a long time, they feel like...

01:23:11.960 Gothic or something.

01:23:12.840 Yeah, like they feel like they've got this energy trapped inside of it.

01:23:16.160 Oh, man, you're going to rip. 0.94

01:23:17.200 That's going to be so fucking cool. 0.98

01:23:18.760 Yeah, it should be.

01:23:19.300 Yeah, so I'm excited.

01:23:20.100 I'm definitely excited about it.

01:23:21.320 I feel, you know, stoked.

01:23:22.840 Oh, there's a picture.

01:23:23.780 Oh, wow.

01:23:24.180 Look at how beautiful that is, bro.

01:23:25.620 Look at the ceiling of the Wiltern.

01:23:28.220 To me, it's one of the coolest venues I've seen.

01:23:32.480 Stunning.

01:23:32.880 Sorry to interrupt the convo here with the Red Rocket, but I've got to let you know about this gift opportunity.

01:23:39.520 I'm talking about Ridge Wallet Tree.

01:23:42.260 The Ridge Wallet, it's that front pocket carry.

01:23:46.820 You'll see sometime a man will have on a backpack or some luggage or a lot of times even tape drugs to his legs and run into the country.

01:23:53.880 But everything's changed.

01:23:55.480 Now with the new Ridge Wallet, you keep the items you really need.

01:24:00.940 Your credit cards, maybe a little bit of cash, your identification, you know, maybe a birth certificate or Social Security card.

01:24:07.840 Keep them in that front pocket.

01:24:09.140 I'm talking about the Ridge.

01:24:11.020 It's super durable, made from military-grade materials like titanium and carbon fiber.

01:24:17.820 It's proven to be bulletproof, waterproof, and chainsaw proof.

01:24:22.740 See exactly how it works by going to Ridge.com slash Theo.

01:24:28.260 That's R-I-D-G-E dot com slash T-H-E-O. 1.00

01:24:32.820 And use code Theo for 10% off.

01:24:35.340 Link in description.

01:24:37.640 Ridge.com slash Theo.

01:24:39.560 And for those of you who like to take a chance and gamble, I'm going to let you know about something.

01:24:47.420 It's an exciting time, especially in the NFL.

01:24:51.240 Final Fantasy Playoffs, Actual Playoffs, Other Games.

01:24:57.960 Sophomore sensation Lamar Jackson is redefining what it means to be a dual-threat QB.

01:25:03.700 Aye, aye, aye.

01:25:04.980 And over in UFC, they will have some of the most stacked cards in a long time.

01:25:10.280 Three championship fights on the 14th, all highly anticipated.

01:25:14.700 Right in the betting capital of the world, Las Vegas, Nevada.

01:25:18.480 If you're the kind of guy who likes to bet on sports and maybe win some money, maybe win a lot, try a parlay.

01:25:26.240 For instance, if you like a couple of big favorites, parlays are the perfect because they let you bet multiple games for a bigger payout.

01:25:35.700 My bookie has more lines and better odds for the player than any other sports book around.

01:25:41.760 I do not like it when I'm trying to do a parlay and it's too confusing on the sites.

01:25:46.360 Some sites won't allow it.

01:25:48.440 If you join right now, my bookie will match your deposit halfway, all the way up to $1,000.

01:25:54.800 That means if you deposit two grand, you get an extra thousand in free money to play with.

01:26:00.040 All you have to do is use promo code T-H-E-O to activate the offer.

01:26:05.960 Once again, that's promo code Theo to get your extra cash from my bookie.

01:26:11.340 Bet.

01:26:12.020 Win.

01:26:12.840 Get paid.

01:26:14.160 And now, back to the episode.

01:26:16.640 I mean, the other one that was cool, Rogan took me to, where were we?

01:26:22.340 Detroit?

01:26:23.660 I mean, Atlanta?

01:26:25.060 No, we were in Cleveland or Detroit.

01:26:26.880 One of those two.

01:26:27.400 The Masonic?

01:26:27.940 It was so beautiful.

01:26:30.160 I don't know what it was, but good God, man.

01:26:31.660 We took a bunch of photos of it.

01:26:32.640 It blew my mind how pretty the art was.

01:26:35.100 Yeah, like the texture of the ceiling.

01:26:37.260 Stuff like that is what really, there's something about that, you know?

01:26:40.440 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:26:41.220 There's something.

01:26:42.160 Well, it's more, it shows like, okay, this is the-

01:26:44.340 Detroit.

01:26:44.520 Detroit, sorry.

01:26:45.320 Yeah.

01:26:45.420 This is the art that I'm doing.

01:26:46.900 Fillmore?

01:26:47.820 Is it?

01:26:48.340 Type that in.

01:26:49.300 You're so good with the names of these places.

01:26:50.580 I'm so bad at that.

01:26:50.900 He might be doing bigger places.

01:26:54.560 No, no, that's it.

01:26:55.680 That's it.

01:26:56.040 Oh, nice.

01:26:56.320 That was it.

01:26:58.740 Unbelievable.

01:26:59.420 Yeah, it's beautiful.

01:26:59.960 I mean, the archways, I mean, everything about it.

01:27:02.360 Joe was stunned.

01:27:03.120 We kept taking a bunch of pictures because I had never seen something like that, you

01:27:06.720 know?

01:27:06.840 Like with him, we'd performed in, I'd done arenas, and arenas are the ugliest looking

01:27:10.620 things on earth.

01:27:11.500 Yeah.

01:27:11.780 There's nothing sexy about an arena.

01:27:13.680 It's so funny.

01:27:14.580 The more that I've done with him, the more I'm like, man, this is sad.

01:27:17.820 It's just rafters.

01:27:18.980 It's just like, it's wonderful to do.

01:27:21.460 It's just, when you go in a theater, you look at the art that it's involved on the inside.

01:27:25.420 Something about the experience.

01:27:26.600 There's some romance in there.

01:27:27.620 It is, man.

01:27:28.000 It's beautiful.

01:27:28.780 Yeah, I got romance.

01:27:29.380 You're going to rip the wilter and they're going to come see you.

01:27:30.940 And then would you maybe put this hour you're doing right now on in a special?

01:27:33.720 Yeah.

01:27:34.140 And so maybe I would put something out.

01:27:35.480 It depends on what time slots they have available for like different platforms.

01:27:39.060 Like, you know, if they have something next year.

01:27:42.720 So then it's like, I don't want to hold material for like a whole year.

01:27:46.020 Yeah.

01:27:46.280 People want you to put it out.

01:27:47.460 Yeah.

01:27:47.740 And at a certain point, I want to put it out.

01:27:49.440 You know, at a certain point, I'm, you know, I'd like to just get it out there and get it

01:27:52.280 off my, get it out of me.

01:27:54.360 So then I would either, I don't know, I thought about maybe just making it and putting it

01:27:59.460 onto, you know, a place to sell other than that, like other than Netflix.

01:28:03.620 So like iTunes or, you know, or I thought about just putting clips, just making it into

01:28:09.300 the actual clips that it is.

01:28:10.680 Shows did that too, yeah.

01:28:11.580 Putting it onto YouTube and then just also putting out an album with it, you know, and

01:28:16.640 then I still own it.

01:28:17.380 So that's another, that's the other side of it is also then you still have ownership of

01:28:20.220 it.

01:28:20.360 Yeah.

01:28:20.460 The business side is the thing that people don't really know about what we have to operate

01:28:22.940 in that regard.

01:28:23.620 It's a lot more convoluted than just kind of like do it.

01:28:26.680 Do you know who John Baldessari is?

01:28:28.120 An artist, John Baldessari.

01:28:30.340 He did this thing where he just got kind of inundated with like his ideas of what he was making

01:28:35.760 art wise.

01:28:36.600 And then he burned all of it.

01:28:38.040 He like burned all of his art to like start again.

01:28:40.620 And I had this kind of like in the middle of the night, half lucid dream in and out

01:28:46.720 where I thought it'd be wild for me to shoot something on my own cheap and not cost a production

01:28:52.200 company a lot of my, like I'll pay for it and put it out for 24 hours for one day.

01:28:57.000 And then it goes away forever.

01:28:59.000 Yeah.

01:28:59.140 I thought about doing that.

01:29:00.060 I was like, that would be really fun and get all my friends to promote it.

01:29:03.280 So it's like, Hey man, you can only see it now.

01:29:05.040 Like if you want to watch it, you have to watch it in this 24 hour span and then it's gone.

01:29:09.000 That'd be gangster.

01:29:09.760 Yeah.

01:29:09.920 Yeah.

01:29:10.120 Yeah.

01:29:10.320 I thought, I thought I was like, that could be really cool.

01:29:12.020 And then I can retire in the material and then it can kind of be this wonderful meta

01:29:15.720 industry thing where it's like, if you saw it, you saw it.

01:29:18.520 And if you didn't, you did it.

01:29:19.420 And I don't know if I'm going to do it, but I keep having this refreshing feelings.

01:29:23.420 Yeah.

01:29:23.800 There's something gangster about being like, nah, I'm going to do it how I want to do it.

01:29:27.320 Yeah.

01:29:27.600 Because there's, it's so much out there now.

01:29:30.080 And also taking it to see it live.

01:29:31.940 Also, there's a lot of beauty in that because like, oh, that's where you see it.

01:29:35.380 You see it live.

01:29:36.160 I want you to see it in the way that it's supposed to be seen.

01:29:38.340 Yeah.

01:29:38.540 It's hard when you put it on tape, you know?

01:29:40.220 Like I heard, somebody told me Ali Wong just got, Netflix just gave her eight figures to

01:29:45.660 do two more specials or like a special on something else.

01:29:49.040 And I was like, God, man, the growth of that thing is just, it is a big, big, big beast,

01:29:54.060 you know?

01:29:54.320 Also, I'm like, maybe something alternative would be cool for me.

01:29:58.060 Just for me.

01:29:59.060 So maybe, but I don't know.

01:30:01.180 The Theo fans, let me know if that would be something you'd watch, get in the 24 hour

01:30:06.420 span or some people might be like, that's so annoying.

01:30:09.200 I don't want to watch it that day.

01:30:10.980 I mean, it's super interesting.

01:30:12.840 It's different.

01:30:13.360 Yeah.

01:30:13.460 I keep having this dream about it.

01:30:14.680 It's like in the shower, I think about it all the time.

01:30:17.040 I'm like people, you know, I can already hear agents and managers and lawyers like,

01:30:20.140 why would you do that?

01:30:21.240 Yeah.

01:30:21.440 Oh yeah.

01:30:21.840 That's how they think.

01:30:22.720 I know, but I just think it'd be fun.

01:30:24.360 Because they sell it.

01:30:25.300 That's where they make their money. 0.97

01:30:26.280 It's money.

01:30:26.560 Yeah.

01:30:26.700 But for us, it's like, I want to make money on live shows.

01:30:29.140 I want to engage with fans to come watch us do our thing.

01:30:32.280 And that's how I want to earn a living.

01:30:34.520 Not like I'm saying that I don't want to earn a living from specials that live on,

01:30:38.400 but there's something neat about it going away.

01:30:40.540 I don't know.

01:30:41.040 I don't know why.

01:30:42.060 I don't know.

01:30:42.500 There's something about it.

01:30:43.100 Well, I think over, I think it makes things, everything now is so accessible.

01:30:49.400 Yes.

01:30:49.860 That's part of the reason why.

01:30:51.080 It's like, how do you be unique?

01:30:52.760 Then would it be unaccessible?

01:30:55.640 Yeah.

01:30:56.140 Or, you know, it's kind of like.

01:30:57.500 But then you run the risk of being not.

01:31:00.620 Not accessible.

01:31:01.700 Right.

01:31:02.200 Yeah.

01:31:02.540 That's it.

01:31:03.040 Yeah.

01:31:03.360 But isn't that kind of the fun of it all?

01:31:05.540 Is like, because we're so accessible, could it be cool to be.

01:31:08.500 The only way you can see him is to go see him.

01:31:09.940 You want to see his new stuff, you have to go see it.

01:31:11.480 Yeah.

01:31:11.700 That'd be kind of fun.

01:31:12.840 Yeah.

01:31:13.120 That'd be kind of fun to me.

01:31:13.900 But I don't want to say a joke that you do, because I know that's a no-no, but you did

01:31:18.480 a joke last night that made me laugh so hard I walked outside.

01:31:21.040 I'm not kidding.

01:31:21.880 Oh, thanks, bro. 1.00

01:31:22.460 I lost my shit. 0.99

01:31:23.880 I never heard you do it, because it must be relatively new. 1.00

01:31:26.800 Mm-hmm.

01:31:27.700 But it made me laugh so hard I walked outside.

01:31:30.120 Thanks, bro.

01:31:30.360 I was in the hallway dying laughing.

01:31:32.480 Just, I don't want to say it, but God, man, I wish I could. 0.91

01:31:35.160 It was so goddamn funny.

01:31:36.680 Thanks, man. 0.59

01:31:37.060 I hope you're at the Wilton.

01:31:39.120 I hope that blows right, man.

01:31:40.660 I hope that blows up and all those people want to claw at you, and then you decide how 0.59

01:31:43.980 you want to do it.

01:31:44.600 That's the thing the fans don't know.

01:31:45.840 We ultimately have to decide how and when and why you want to do it.

01:31:49.260 Yeah, and then you start to get tested by your own stuff.

01:31:51.620 Like, am I doing this for money?

01:31:52.680 Am I doing this for, you know, what am I doing this for?

01:31:55.400 And do I really like this stuff I'm putting out?

01:31:57.740 Yeah.

01:31:57.860 That's always a hard thing.

01:31:58.780 It's like, do I love this stuff, or do I like this stuff?

01:32:01.360 Yeah.

01:32:02.040 Because then you get caught in that rat race of, like, everyone's, like, doing a special

01:32:04.800 year, a special year, a special year, a special, and then it's like, how much of that stuff

01:32:08.220 do they enjoy?

01:32:09.740 Are you keeping up with the Joneses, or are you putting out content that you really, really

01:32:13.240 love?

01:32:13.900 That's, like, where it gets into this weird gray area of, like, comedy and business,

01:32:18.880 you know, and doing that balance.

01:32:20.840 Yeah, I used to like better being just a comedian and not having to be business, you know, and

01:32:24.320 not having to do business.

01:32:25.400 You know, it's exhausting.

01:32:26.460 I'm going to give you a compliment real fast, me being very genuine now.

01:32:31.320 I've known you for quite a long time.

01:32:32.900 We've been friends for a long time.

01:32:34.660 And watching the growth of you as a stand-up and as a comedian, it's wild.

01:32:40.380 It's, like, makes you feel proud. 0.98

01:32:42.040 Proud is, like, a shitty word.

01:32:43.320 It makes it sound like a, it sounds condescending for some reason, but it's like a pride in friendship. 0.55

01:32:49.400 Because I remember watching you in the OR a couple years ago, maybe three, maybe four, three or four.

01:32:57.540 And I was watching you and I was thinking, when the world figures it out, when they get it, they're going to get it, get it.

01:33:05.540 Like, I just, I was like, when the world figures out how good you were, I was like, it's going to, it's all going to take place.

01:33:11.540 And then to watch it happen was very cool.

01:33:13.440 So, as a friend, it was cool to watch.

01:33:15.020 Thanks, man.

01:33:15.340 And I mean that.

01:33:15.940 Like, it's a weird thing to see.

01:33:18.160 I don't think people, it's hard to describe. 0.99

01:33:20.180 It's almost like if, for people at home, it's like if you knew an athlete when you were young that was so good and at your high school and you were like, this motherfucker's ridiculous. 0.96

01:33:28.020 And then you actually see them progress on to college or pro or whatever. 0.99

01:33:31.520 Yeah.

01:33:32.280 It's like everyone knows what you already know.

01:33:35.240 It's a cool feeling. 0.99

01:33:36.380 You know, it's like I saw the band first type of shit. 0.99

01:33:38.580 Oh, yeah. 0.98

01:33:39.140 It's a cool feeling, you know, there's something about it that's, it only happens so many times in our lives.

01:33:44.480 So, anyway, that's all.

01:33:46.340 I just, I want to say that to you because I just.

01:33:48.180 Thanks, bro.

01:33:48.740 I was thinking about that last night when I was, when we were hanging out and watching you because, you know, we get to be in the bed of it all.

01:33:54.580 It's so wild being at that club, Bert with his shirt off drinking with strangers.

01:33:57.740 It was so good last night.

01:33:58.480 Oh, my God. 0.98

01:33:59.060 Last night at the club was ridiculous. 0.93

01:34:00.440 I was laughing so hard at Bert, dude. 0.88

01:34:02.260 And it was so funny because I hadn't expected.

01:34:04.040 Thank you for the nice words, man.

01:34:05.080 It's really nice to you.

01:34:05.820 Yeah, of course.

01:34:05.860 You know, a lot of, you know, all, I mean, you know, a lot of it's just been because of the podcast.

01:34:10.080 A lot of people have, you know.

01:34:12.540 We finally get to connect.

01:34:14.320 Yeah.

01:34:14.440 That's what this is.

01:34:15.520 We finally, after all this time, get to connect because when you used to do Conan or The Tonight Show, they didn't know who you were.

01:34:23.700 So we would fist fight to get on the air and then those things never gave you an opportunity to be you.

01:34:29.640 You didn't get to be Theo.

01:34:30.720 Yeah, well, it kept getting, every time I would submit to a late show, they would say, oh, you can't do this joke.

01:34:35.640 You can't do this word.

01:34:36.760 You can't do it like this.

01:34:38.300 And it was like, oh, well, I'm not even, I can't be myself.

01:34:42.100 Then I can't be, I'm not a, you know, I'm myself.

01:34:46.300 I'm a comedian.

01:34:47.400 Yeah.

01:34:47.660 But I'm also a person.

01:34:49.880 Yeah, but they don't, but not.

01:34:50.700 And there's not, and there's some difference between the two, but there's not a ton of difference a lot of times for me, you know.

01:34:56.300 No, you, you are, you are a hyperbolized version of this thing that, that, that you've created, this wonderful comedian character.

01:35:06.620 It's like a microcosm of you and it's, it's the picture.

01:35:10.300 It's a bigger picture of it all.

01:35:11.460 Yeah.

01:35:11.620 Right?

01:35:12.340 Well, I just took it personal when they said no, you know, and I shouldn't have taken it personal.

01:35:15.360 I just said, oh, that's their business.

01:35:16.380 And maybe I didn't take it personal.

01:35:17.500 Maybe I just said that's their business.

01:35:19.620 And then.

01:35:20.080 I mean, I, I used to take it personal.

01:35:21.660 It hurt, it hurts your feelings when they say no.

01:35:23.480 Yeah.

01:35:23.620 You're like, wait, I am good though.

01:35:25.860 And they just don't, there's just a missing, something's not connecting.

01:35:29.940 That's all.

01:35:30.860 But the, the, the thing about this that you get to, you get to connect more on your own personal level then.

01:35:35.600 Yeah.

01:35:35.720 And you're like, fine, I'll just do it my way.

01:35:37.320 You know?

01:35:38.080 Yeah.

01:35:38.500 And it's been definitely, it's been a, it's been an amazing adventure, man.

01:35:41.120 So many people that call in every week and have like sharing their own stories and it's been a journey, bro.

01:35:46.160 And it's been a journey going through just, you know, it's been highs and lows.

01:35:50.380 Like you said, man, it's been highs and lows, you know?

01:35:52.480 It's going to continue to be that way.

01:35:53.660 Yeah.

01:35:54.220 Just like, you know, and, and, you know, just like on these, these, these interviews sitting with friends and talking.

01:36:00.000 And it's like, some, sometimes on a podcast, I connect so much more with people and sometimes you don't.

01:36:05.720 And it's hard because the fans now are so in, in it that even they are like, they're, they're almost in it and on it with you at some point.

01:36:14.600 You know what I'm saying?

01:36:15.140 It's very, it's, it's like so intertwined, which is a, it's a good thing, but it's just so strange to me now.

01:36:20.960 It's a thing I'm happy about.

01:36:22.120 Like I'm, I'm happy it's happening.

01:36:23.780 Well, you started your own podcast.

01:36:25.040 I mean, Whiskey Ginger's doing well.

01:36:26.280 Yeah, it's doing good.

01:36:26.840 People like it.

01:36:27.380 Yeah.

01:36:27.480 We have a lot of great guests.

01:36:28.620 I'm trying, man.

01:36:29.200 Yeah.

01:36:29.380 You got to get over there.

01:36:30.240 We got to get you.

01:36:30.740 People, people ask me all the time when I'm going to get you.

01:36:34.360 And it's really funny. 0.96

01:36:34.980 Sometimes people make, when fans make up shit, it's weird when they're like, you guys don't, oh, you guys don't like each other. 0.97

01:36:40.420 It's like, where does this come from? 0.95

01:36:41.960 This weird, fake news that gets like infiltrated into this thing.

01:36:46.680 Like these lies that they put in there that they didn't hear from us.

01:36:50.640 It's strange.

01:36:51.320 They're like, what do you not hate?

01:36:52.400 What do you, Chance?

01:36:53.020 You don't want to hate Theo.

01:36:54.480 It's like, no, we all are doing a million.

01:36:57.480 Things, trying to create these worlds for people as much as we can so we can keep, you know, engaging in content and working.

01:37:04.880 And I just don't, I think people think that like, I think people think that we have more time than the average human.

01:37:11.900 Like there's more, there's a bigger clock for comedians.

01:37:14.240 It's like, how come you can't do all these things?

01:37:16.380 It's like, it's impossible.

01:37:17.520 Yeah.

01:37:17.880 It can't, it's too hard.

01:37:18.640 And I don't want to show up and not be able to, like there are times when I don't feel like myself where it's like, I won't go on any, you know, I didn't go on a lot of podcasts.

01:37:26.020 I wasn't feeling like super like myself.

01:37:27.440 It's like, I want to go when I'm having fun.

01:37:29.280 You know what I'm saying?

01:37:29.600 Like I want to go and bring the heat, the fun.

01:37:33.080 Yeah.

01:37:33.260 And I want to have a blast.

01:37:34.380 It's like, I don't, it's like, that's sometimes too, it's hard to keep doing a job of podcasting when, if you're going through your own shit in your own life, because it's like, okay, you know, this isn't a, you know, it's hard to, you know, it's not like a self-pity thing, but it's just, you know, it's, it's a journey.

01:37:53.080 Yeah.

01:37:53.600 Well, I think, I think people don't know that it's a full-time job.

01:37:55.820 Rogan says that all the time.

01:37:57.100 He's always like, it's my, it's a job.

01:37:58.700 I have a job.

01:37:59.380 He's like, I have two jobs.

01:38:00.600 I have standup and I podcasting.

01:38:02.080 And it's like, oh yeah, it is a job.

01:38:03.080 It's 100% a full-time job of like, you know, balancing these worlds.

01:38:08.200 It's not, it's not as mindless or, or kind of passe as people kind of think it is.

01:38:13.440 So it's, it puts a lot of stress on you too.

01:38:14.980 It's like a thing that kind of just adds this other comedic stress pressure.

01:38:19.740 Yeah.

01:38:19.900 It's a listen.

01:38:20.440 You want to be engaging.

01:38:21.660 Yeah.

01:38:21.920 You want to know what's going on because it's not fun when you're not like into it.

01:38:25.500 You know, you're not just, yeah, I don't know.

01:38:28.300 What's the last one you did that you weren't into?

01:38:31.040 I don't know.

01:38:31.620 Nick might even know better than me.

01:38:32.480 Did you have a guest that wasn't into it?

01:38:33.780 Did you have someone over here that you didn't connect with?

01:38:36.180 No, I just have had guests where, you know, I've just learned over time to be, sometimes

01:38:40.860 you're interviewing somebody and sometimes you're just talking.

01:38:43.380 Yeah.

01:38:44.220 And so I never really have known good how to be like a good interviewer, you know?

01:38:48.860 I mean, I don't think I'm bad at it, but I just, I don't have like a big plan, you

01:38:52.900 know?

01:38:53.260 So when I listen back, sometimes I'm like, man, I wish I would have expressed my true feelings

01:38:58.280 in a comfortable way to ask the questions I wanted to ask.

01:39:02.600 And so that started to get on my nerves sometimes.

01:39:04.700 Like, man, I, you know, like the Wolf of Wall Street guy, we had Amanda Knox and like, I

01:39:08.960 wanted to sometimes, you know, why didn't you just ask this right here?

01:39:12.180 You know, you were feeling it and, and what's the fear?

01:39:15.480 I think it's just a fear of like, uh, I guess a fear of them judging me, a fear of that they're

01:39:21.660 going to think I'm trying to take advantage of them with curiosity, even though I'm curious,

01:39:27.040 you know, just curious.

01:39:28.420 They came here.

01:39:29.180 Right.

01:39:29.880 That's how, that's how I look at it.

01:39:31.380 Yeah.

01:39:31.640 So, and I think, so some of it is like you have to, you know, I think now I realize some

01:39:35.420 of it, okay, have a little bit more of a plan.

01:39:37.260 Like, it's not like I'm trying to squeeze, you know, dirty juice out of this person, but

01:39:41.980 yeah, have a plan.

01:39:43.220 Like, you know, this is kind of some things I want to talk about and even say them to

01:39:46.540 them candidly.

01:39:47.120 Like, Hey, here's a couple of things I'd like to talk about.

01:39:49.280 Can we talk about these things?

01:39:50.520 For sure.

01:39:50.760 You know, just in case that, yeah, if they don't want to do it.

01:39:52.820 So it's clean and clear communication goes back to communication.

01:39:55.920 Cause then I'll let it run in my head.

01:39:57.340 Like, Oh man, you know, you're not doing, you got a tight, you know?

01:40:00.740 So I think, yeah, probably clear communication is something that I'm going to work on or not work

01:40:04.560 on that I'm doing, you know, that I'm feeling better about.

01:40:07.260 And sometimes just to have it be fun, you know, just to remember that it's comedy.

01:40:10.520 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:10.700 We're just fucking around. 0.98

01:40:11.780 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:11.980 We don't fucking know, dude. 0.71

01:40:13.400 Yeah. 0.98

01:40:13.580 We don't know.

01:40:14.260 What do we not know, Nick?

01:40:16.120 Nothing.

01:40:16.820 We don't know.

01:40:17.440 Amen, bro.

01:40:18.020 That's right.

01:40:18.440 That's right.

01:40:18.660 We don't know nothing.

01:40:19.620 You don't know nothing, bro.

01:40:21.220 That's what I'm saying, bro.

01:40:22.160 You don't know nothing. 1.00

01:40:22.940 Dude, if the feds show up, Nick is your fucking dude, bro. 1.00

01:40:26.240 You'll hide anything. 1.00

01:40:27.480 You'll hide literally anything.

01:40:28.760 We don't know nothing.

01:40:29.140 I said, Nick, I need you to do this, right?

01:40:31.060 You're like, okay, I don't know nothing, man.

01:40:32.880 Cops are coming.

01:40:33.540 I don't know nothing.

01:40:34.500 I don't know.

01:40:34.920 And you know what's so funny?

01:40:35.560 He has a nice face, so they'll believe him.

01:40:37.460 That's what they said.

01:40:38.380 This dude.

01:40:39.120 That's what he said a minute ago.

01:40:40.000 That's how he got through church.

01:40:41.300 Just that nice face.

01:40:42.580 They're like, Nick, what happened?

01:40:43.720 He's like, I don't know nothing.

01:40:44.740 They're like, nah, Nick's a good kid.

01:40:45.800 He's not lying.

01:40:46.220 Dude, a lot of lesbian women are doing preachering now and stuff. 1.00

01:40:52.620 Oh, being pastors and stuff?

01:40:54.520 Really?

01:40:55.080 Mm-hmm.

01:40:55.440 Why?

01:40:55.620 Did you look that up?

01:40:56.200 Lesbian pastorship?

01:40:57.400 Yeah, the lesbian pastorship. 1.00

01:40:59.220 Is that a cruise? 0.98

01:41:00.100 That's a boat cruise. 0.99

01:41:00.740 Lesbian pastorship. 0.99

01:41:02.840 That's a boat full of lesbian pastors. 1.00

01:41:05.020 That'd be fun, bro. 0.99

01:41:06.460 That would be fun.

01:41:07.440 Would they have gay cruises? 0.99

01:41:09.000 Oh, dude, we had two gay librarians just live across the street from us. 0.98

01:41:11.940 I used to do donuts in their yard, dude.

01:41:14.600 Of what?

01:41:15.240 What, you spin out in your car?

01:41:16.860 Really?

01:41:17.460 Only because I had a U-turn right there because otherwise I had to go down the street and do it.

01:41:21.200 I was just too lazy.

01:41:21.900 Too lazy, yeah.

01:41:22.640 You just wanted to get out.

01:41:23.580 Yeah, they were awesome, man. 0.85

01:41:24.980 Two gay librarians.

01:41:26.600 Yeah, one of them was a librarian. 0.96

01:41:27.780 I think one of them wasn't working, but...

01:41:29.260 One of them worked in fiction.

01:41:30.620 Yeah. 0.97

01:41:32.840 Lesbian bishop. 1.00

01:41:34.240 What specific were you looking for?

01:41:35.640 Stats?

01:41:35.880 Gay, lesbian, women, pastors. 0.50

01:41:38.660 Or lesbian pastors happening more often, maybe? 0.99

01:41:42.360 LGBT clergy.

01:41:44.540 More often.

01:41:45.160 Lesbian pastors more often. 0.98

01:41:46.860 Married, lesbian, Baptist, co-pastors.

01:41:49.640 They're all beloved.

01:41:50.920 They are. 0.89

01:41:51.680 If I have gay children... 0.99

01:41:53.520 Uh-oh. 0.98

01:41:53.780 I don't want to know what the rest of that is. 0.99

01:41:55.460 If I have gay children.

01:41:57.020 If you had a gay kid, if you had a gay kid, what's your instinct of how you'd feel about it? 0.53

01:42:03.300 You cool with that or you wish they were straight? 0.97

01:42:05.740 I think that there was probably something in a lot of men at a guttural level where you want your lineage to go on.

01:42:18.640 So there could be like a concern there, like just at like a visceral...

01:42:22.440 I don't know what visceral means, but like at a visceral, like core level.

01:42:25.520 Yeah.

01:42:25.760 You know?

01:42:26.140 Yeah.

01:42:26.260 Not at a brain level.

01:42:27.580 Yeah.

01:42:28.020 At a brain level, I think, yeah.

01:42:29.300 At an instinctual level, you want the seed to be passed on.

01:42:33.260 Yeah.

01:42:33.580 So I think even if, you know, whether it's...

01:42:37.260 So you want to have a boy who is going to want to...

01:42:40.440 Procreate. 1.00

01:42:40.680 Procreate out of his wean, out of his penis. 1.00

01:42:42.640 But they can do that now. 1.00

01:42:43.840 Yeah.

01:42:44.360 And so now, yeah.

01:42:45.660 So now I think it's gotten right.

01:42:46.900 It's technologically available.

01:42:47.340 So now I think that, yeah, once you realize that and read that article that that's available, then you wouldn't have any concerns.

01:42:53.280 Can I be real with you?

01:42:54.280 Yeah.

01:42:54.540 I don't have any care about carrying on the gene.

01:42:59.660 Really?

01:43:00.180 I just don't care.

01:43:01.560 Yeah.

01:43:01.720 I don't...

01:43:01.960 I don't...

01:43:02.240 I don't...

01:43:02.700 I just don't care for some reason.

01:43:04.060 I don't know why.

01:43:04.840 It never wasn't...

01:43:05.780 Like, not that I don't want to have a...

01:43:06.880 Not that I don't want to have a kid.

01:43:08.220 I'm saying it was never a concern if I had a boy so a boy could carry on a Santino name.

01:43:13.300 Just didn't care.

01:43:14.180 I didn't care at all for some reason.

01:43:16.200 I don't know.

01:43:16.840 I don't know why.

01:43:17.420 I was always like, it would never matter to me if I had a dude or a chick.

01:43:21.420 I mean, I'd rather have a dude just because they're cheaper.

01:43:25.160 And less to deal with.

01:43:26.700 You know, you let them figure out life on their own.

01:43:28.040 You put it outside.

01:43:28.780 It'll come back when it needs to eat.

01:43:30.420 You know what I mean?

01:43:31.060 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:31.840 Yeah, men, it's a little bit more.

01:43:33.480 You could set them on the porch a little.

01:43:34.840 Mm-hmm.

01:43:35.340 They'll figure it out.

01:43:36.120 And you don't have to worry about them, really.

01:43:37.540 I mean, there's not much to be concerned about.

01:43:38.980 With a woman, you want to protect and aid and you want them to feel comfortable all the time.

01:43:43.880 With a boy, you want them to feel uncomfortable.

01:43:46.560 For some reason, you're like, I want you to...

01:43:47.980 Shake him up, yeah.

01:43:48.720 Yeah, I want you to... 0.99

01:43:49.640 Put some fucking sand in his shirt when he's not looking. 1.00

01:43:51.860 Hit him a few times. 1.00

01:43:52.900 Yeah. 0.89

01:43:53.020 Pull a tooth out when he doesn't expect it.

01:43:54.640 Not even a loose one.

01:43:55.580 Just like a full-on in one.

01:43:57.220 I just think there's something about that.

01:43:58.460 But I never really cared for...

01:43:59.440 I don't know why that is.

01:44:00.580 I don't know why I never really had that... 1.00

01:44:02.200 Right, dick on his forehead. 1.00

01:44:03.340 Well, I see people draw a dick on him while he's sleeping. 1.00

01:44:04.440 Every night. 0.99

01:44:05.280 Every single night when he wakes up.

01:44:06.780 He doesn't have to get it.

01:44:08.000 Mom, it's not me. 1.00

01:44:09.400 He goes to school with a dick going on. 1.00

01:44:11.020 Sharpie, yeah, Sharpie. 1.00

01:44:12.140 Permanent marker every day.

01:44:13.300 He's got to scrub it off.

01:44:14.060 Yeah, I remember whenever I was growing up, we had some kid named Scotty.

01:44:17.700 And people, everybody drew like swastikas on his T-shirt and stuff.

01:44:21.660 Oh, that's so mean.

01:44:22.920 Before he got off at Aftercare one day.

01:44:24.760 But nobody knew what they'd meant.

01:44:25.900 They'd have seen it on pamphlets and stuff. 0.98

01:44:27.520 And so then people fucking drew it on his shirt. 0.99

01:44:30.200 Scotty-cas? 0.99

01:44:31.020 Scotty-cas.

01:44:32.440 Yeah, see a bunch of Scotty-cas. 1.00

01:44:33.880 Then he washed the shirt and he still wore it for a while.

01:44:36.960 And you could just see the...

01:44:38.240 See the outline of the swastikas? 0.89

01:44:39.460 Oh, yeah.

01:44:39.940 So he's like an undercover anti-Semite?

01:44:42.940 On a blacklight, you'd still see it?

01:44:44.440 Oh, definitely, dude.

01:44:45.520 That's how they get in.

01:44:46.080 Some of it might have been written in a little bit of seed, you know?

01:44:49.320 But yeah, I remember he wore it for a while, dude.

01:44:55.740 Poor kid.

01:44:56.320 But they didn't have any Jewish kids in the area.

01:44:57.740 It was just something people had seen on pamphlets.

01:44:59.580 You never grew up with any Jewish kids?

01:45:01.340 No, we had one kid later on when I found out that was half Jewish.

01:45:05.440 And then my mother dated a Jewish guy, a Jewish half-black gentleman for a while.

01:45:10.240 Half-Jewish, half-black.

01:45:10.900 Drake?

01:45:11.940 Yeah.

01:45:12.220 That's Drake.

01:45:13.780 I always saw swastikas as a kid on garages, graffitied on garages, but they did them the 0.71

01:45:17.480 wrong way.

01:45:18.200 Oh, yeah.

01:45:18.720 They always drew them wrong.

01:45:20.160 And so my instinct was like, I want to fix it, but I don't want to help the racism.

01:45:23.940 Right.

01:45:24.320 But it's just wrong. 0.98

01:45:25.340 I hated that they fucked it up. 0.97

01:45:27.300 But my first friend as a kid was a Jewish kid. 0.96

01:45:30.440 I didn't know what that was until I was much older.

01:45:33.440 But because they had...

01:45:34.220 He taught me what a dreidel was. 1.00

01:45:36.240 I just thought they were different Christians. 0.74

01:45:38.340 I just thought they were like another branch of Catholic or whatever.

01:45:41.920 I had no idea.

01:45:43.060 But dreidels and menorahs, I didn't know what any of that stuff meant.

01:45:45.340 It meant nothing.

01:45:45.700 His mother always smelled so good.

01:45:47.440 His name was Phillip.

01:45:48.460 She was beautiful.

01:45:49.500 And they lived in an apartment building.

01:45:52.120 We lived in an apartment building when I was a kid.

01:45:53.880 And I would go to their apartment.

01:45:54.960 Their apartment was so much nicer than ours.

01:45:57.080 Like we had an apartment that was just an apartment that you rented and you lived in.

01:46:02.260 They like did the wallpaper.

01:46:04.140 You know what I mean?

01:46:04.660 Like they had fixtures.

01:46:05.240 Did they own the building or no?

01:46:06.560 No, no.

01:46:07.060 No, no.

01:46:07.520 This was like a 40-story building.

01:46:09.020 Oh, wow.

01:46:09.320 It was downtown and a high-rise.

01:46:10.720 But they looked like they lived in it.

01:46:13.060 We looked like we were staying in one.

01:46:15.700 Do you know what I mean?

01:46:16.300 Oh, totally.

01:46:16.740 Our apartment looked like an apartment you stayed in.

01:46:18.540 Theirs looked like one they lived in.

01:46:19.940 It was always nice, beautiful.

01:46:22.900 The fixtures.

01:46:23.660 I always remember fixtures were really fancy.

01:46:25.680 The sink handles were nice.

01:46:27.220 And we had always the ball handles.

01:46:29.560 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:46:29.980 That's just regular apartment shit. 0.99

01:46:32.680 But yeah, and I didn't know until I was older that he was Jewish. 1.00

01:46:34.600 And when I had learned what it was, I was like, oh, I guess that's what all that shit was. 0.99

01:46:39.960 I just thought they were like a, you know, there's so many forms of Christianity, you 0.99

01:46:42.640 don't know any of them.

01:46:43.800 You know what I mean?

01:46:44.040 There's different levels to this.

01:46:45.920 And I just thought.

01:46:46.840 Baptist, Catholic.

01:46:48.000 I mean, there's a thousand. 1.00

01:46:49.000 Neapolitan, fucking snake boys. 1.00

01:46:50.780 Metropolitan. 1.00

01:46:51.360 Everything.

01:46:51.840 Yeah.

01:46:52.600 Margarita with basil.

01:46:53.880 There's so many different levels.

01:46:55.220 Yeah.

01:46:55.600 I don't know any of them.

01:46:57.060 There's milk and margarita Christians.

01:46:58.980 Yeah.

01:46:59.100 Yeah.

01:46:59.420 Yeah.

01:46:59.660 Yeah.

01:47:00.460 Shout out to milk and margarita. 0.58

01:47:01.660 What was that kid's name?

01:47:02.360 I like that guy.

01:47:02.820 Lance, I think.

01:47:03.540 I like that video question stuff.

01:47:05.280 That's so smart to get them to send in videos.

01:47:06.680 Yeah.

01:47:06.780 We have a lot of great ones.

01:47:07.440 We have one more.

01:47:08.040 Let's do one more.

01:47:08.820 Sounds good.

01:47:09.480 That was Beckett, by the way.

01:47:10.860 Gang, bro.

01:47:11.500 That's a great name.

01:47:12.520 That is a great name.

01:47:12.720 Do you remember the Beckett card?

01:47:14.480 The Beckett card?

01:47:15.300 Dude, the Beckett card catalog when that thing came?

01:47:17.740 That was so dope.

01:47:18.680 Dude, see if your Ken Griffey went up 10 cents.

01:47:20.940 He's like, 48 cents more.

01:47:23.020 Oh, I lose my mind.

01:47:23.760 Definitely not trading it.

01:47:25.100 Yeah.

01:47:25.960 Mark.

01:47:26.620 Yeah.

01:47:26.880 You're not going to get it.

01:47:27.920 Andre Ware.

01:47:28.540 I had 11 Andre Ware rookie cards.

01:47:30.800 11?

01:47:31.120 And he didn't pan out.

01:47:31.740 Yeah, that's really sad.

01:47:33.360 He didn't pan out.

01:47:34.660 Sean Kemp was the second most card I ever had besides Jordan.

01:47:37.700 I had Sean Kemp's.

01:47:38.360 I loved Sean Kemp.

01:47:39.440 That Don Russ card where he's coming off of a dunk, I think.

01:47:42.920 Oh, dude.

01:47:43.820 I know that picture.

01:47:44.880 Yeah, it's like silver around the edges, kind of.

01:47:47.040 Yeah.

01:47:47.500 I had so many Sean Kemp cards that at some point I was like, man, am I a Seattle fan?

01:47:53.000 I didn't really realize I was such a fanatic about him for some reason.

01:47:56.120 You can collect his sons now.

01:47:57.200 He has enough kids where he can get a whole pack of his kids.

01:47:59.400 36?

01:47:59.940 Yeah.

01:48:00.240 36?

01:48:00.760 I'll collect all 36?

01:48:01.440 And two of them are hard to get for some reason.

01:48:03.560 I don't know why.

01:48:04.920 Those middle ones.

01:48:05.760 96 must have been tough for you, Seattle, Chicago.

01:48:09.060 I mean, I grew up with the greatest basketball player of all time, so it was really not even

01:48:11.440 an argument, to be really honest with you.

01:48:12.380 Yeah.

01:48:13.180 Who are you wearing on the wall here?

01:48:15.240 That number five is John Paxton.

01:48:16.760 Oh, wow.

01:48:17.240 Johnny Paxton is one of the greatest three-point shooters the Bulls have ever had, although

01:48:19.840 he doesn't get enough love because Steve Kerr kind of gets all the shine because

01:48:23.520 of now his lineage in basketball.

01:48:25.080 But Johnny P was incredible, man.

01:48:27.220 He was so good.

01:48:28.180 But, yeah, I love that Johnny Paxton jersey, and I wore that to a game, and BJ Armstrong

01:48:33.640 was here when we were playing the Lakers, and he made eye contact with me, and he went

01:48:38.100 like this.

01:48:39.940 And I was like, I ran up to him, and I was like, I'm such a big fan.

01:48:44.460 And everybody around didn't know who he was.

01:48:46.680 People had no idea who BJ Armstrong was.

01:48:48.120 So I was like, it was so strange to be with a guy that I thought was-

01:48:53.080 A legend.

01:48:53.560 A legend, and people didn't, I just, young kids I don't think knew who that was.

01:48:57.240 Yeah, I had the same BJ Armstrong experience at the gym.

01:48:59.420 I see him at the gym sometimes.

01:49:00.800 I used to work out at this Equinox, and I would see him there.

01:49:04.520 And the first couple times I saw him, I'm like, how do I know this dude, you know?

01:49:07.640 And every, if you're a white guy, you always want to know tall black dudes, you know?

01:49:11.060 Well, you just know right away.

01:49:12.440 Yeah, and you want to know them.

01:49:13.600 You're like, I don't want to know this.

01:49:14.280 They feel special.

01:49:15.080 Yeah, you're like, oh, this guy has done something special.

01:49:18.880 This guy does things I can't do, you know?

01:49:21.400 Right. 0.98

01:49:21.620 So, and then at some point, I just remember, like, holy shit, that's BJ Armstrong. 0.93

01:49:27.500 Yeah, he was so good, man. 0.83

01:49:29.080 Yeah.

01:49:29.500 So fun to watch.

01:49:30.260 Did you go say hi to him at the gym?

01:49:31.220 Yeah, I said hi to him.

01:49:31.900 And then after that, we would kind of just say, hey, or what was going on, chat briefly,

01:49:35.400 you know?

01:49:36.280 But I think Iowa State was playing one time, and he was watching the game.

01:49:40.160 Um, but, yeah, it was, I would always chat a little bit about sports.

01:49:45.120 Who was your first celebrity?

01:49:46.180 But always nice.

01:49:47.500 Michael Landon was supposed to come to our town when I was growing up.

01:49:50.120 He never made it.

01:49:50.860 Or there was a rumor that he wasn't, he never came.

01:49:52.400 The plane touched down and took off?

01:49:53.580 I don't know what happened.

01:49:54.360 Skirt and goes? 0.67

01:49:55.100 He was supposed to come to the fair, to the, to the, to the parish fair.

01:49:58.540 But, uh, who was the first celebrity?

01:50:01.220 That's a great question.

01:50:02.320 Maybe right when I got to L.A., there was, I was by that Andaz Hotel right next to the

01:50:09.660 comedy store, and Tracy Armstrong, Tracy, no, is he the comedian?

01:50:14.820 Tracy Morgan.

01:50:15.400 Tracy Morgan.

01:50:16.100 Was arguing with the police, and they're trying to arrest him for something. 0.99

01:50:19.380 And he goes, there's a fucking white man running around with a butcher knife, and y'all 0.99

01:50:25.460 here asking me questions right now. 1.00

01:50:27.760 Really?

01:50:28.340 He deflected everything to the fact that there was a white man.

01:50:30.820 There probably was.

01:50:31.420 He was running down the street that had said something to him with a butcher knife, and

01:50:35.560 eventually the police left.

01:50:37.880 They didn't even go look for the guy.

01:50:39.260 No, eventually, whatever he was doing, it didn't compare to this world that he built

01:50:45.860 up of this supposed man with a butcher knife.

01:50:49.940 Y'all looking for the raw person? 0.92

01:50:51.720 There's a butcher knife wielding white boy running up and down Sunset.

01:50:56.380 I love Tracy, man. 1.00

01:50:58.040 That motherfucker's hilarious. 1.00

01:50:59.460 He was your first celebrity that you saw? 0.99

01:51:00.780 He's the first celebrity that I...

01:51:02.840 I saw Tom Selleck at the airport.

01:51:04.240 No.

01:51:05.120 Yeah, my dad was like...

01:51:06.640 My dad literally out loud goes, Tom Selleck! 1.00

01:51:09.140 Oh, damn. 1.00

01:51:10.280 What a guy. 1.00

01:51:10.600 Calling his name out.

01:51:11.960 Tom Selleck!

01:51:13.440 And Tom kind of turned and he went like, hey, that's rude. 1.00

01:51:15.960 Don't yell out my fucking name. 0.99

01:51:17.720 I mean... 1.00

01:51:18.300 My dad was like, Tom Selleck.

01:51:20.180 I was like, I know.

01:51:20.760 Yeah, I saw it.

01:51:21.240 It was very embarrassing. 1.00

01:51:22.420 Thanks for that shit. 1.00

01:51:23.080 But the first... 1.00

01:51:24.280 Actually, the first one that I said hello to was the mom from The Wonder Years.

01:51:28.080 No way.

01:51:28.780 Really?

01:51:29.180 I loved her.

01:51:29.760 I got her autograph on a napkin in an ice cream shop.

01:51:31.680 My mother didn't even know who she was. 1.00

01:51:32.980 I was like, mom, that's the mom from The Wonder Years.

01:51:34.740 And she was like, I don't know who that is.

01:51:36.780 But she had no idea.

01:51:37.400 And then she said, my son really is a fan of yours.

01:51:40.140 And she said, oh my God, that's so nice.

01:51:41.140 Because she was from Chicago.

01:51:42.080 She was back home when they were in the middle of shooting that show.

01:51:44.940 And I was...

01:51:45.340 She was my TV mother.

01:51:46.940 I loved The Wonder Years.

01:51:47.860 That was like one of my favorite shows.

01:51:49.180 Yeah.

01:51:49.780 And she signed a little napkin and I still have it to this day.

01:51:53.380 She was so nice and so sweet.

01:51:55.020 But she was like TV mom. 0.82

01:51:56.440 Yeah.

01:51:56.940 Because she was like a stay-at-home mom. 0.98

01:51:58.300 Oh, yeah.

01:51:58.980 She had all that.

01:51:59.580 Like my mom, I never had a stay-at-home mom.

01:52:01.320 She always had the stress of the mom on her a little bit.

01:52:03.800 Yeah.

01:52:03.940 But like the love of the husband.

01:52:05.480 Like I want to do my best, but I got to kind of be here by the sink.

01:52:08.360 Those TV families were so right.

01:52:10.380 Something about them, man.

01:52:11.460 And it made us all look up to those families, man.

01:52:13.700 Dude, I had lunch with Fred Savage recently.

01:52:16.440 Breakfast with Fred Savage.

01:52:16.820 Oh, you did?

01:52:17.200 Yeah.

01:52:17.860 Yeah, I met him.

01:52:18.340 He directed this thing that I did one time and he's the voice of Honda.

01:52:22.700 If you ever hear a Honda commercial, he is the voice of Honda.

01:52:25.480 Oh, that's amazing.

01:52:26.300 Yeah.

01:52:26.780 Really neat guy.

01:52:27.680 Yeah.

01:52:27.920 He's a good dude.

01:52:28.600 Good dude.

01:52:28.940 Very tiny, though.

01:52:30.160 He's smaller than I thought.

01:52:31.220 Yeah.

01:52:31.580 He never grew up after that show.

01:52:32.900 That show stunted his growth.

01:52:34.160 What would you do?

01:52:35.260 Yeah.

01:52:37.660 All right.

01:52:38.080 Let's see that.

01:52:38.680 I want to see this video.

01:52:39.640 I want to see that dude.

01:52:40.300 I skipped him.

01:52:40.920 That was my bad.

01:52:42.620 I got into the questioning.

01:52:44.500 This dude.

01:52:44.920 I had a quick question here for Mr. Santino.

01:52:49.260 That's cool.

01:52:49.680 How did you and Lil Dicky become tight? 1.00

01:52:52.840 He's a pretty cool guy to know right now.

01:52:54.680 A guy with a lot of influence and a really big name.

01:52:59.180 Just thought it was interesting.

01:53:00.280 Y'all were tight and wondered how that came about.

01:53:03.400 Thanks a lot.

01:53:04.260 Appreciate it.

01:53:05.580 Gang, gang.

01:53:07.300 Oh, I like that high note at the end.

01:53:08.820 Yeah, I like this dude.

01:53:09.560 He's like me if my mom met a black guy.

01:53:12.440 That's like me if I was half black, for real.

01:53:14.600 He's such a podcast fan.

01:53:16.060 He's got on Rogan in the background.

01:53:18.240 With Dan Soder, maybe, or somebody?

01:53:19.480 No, I couldn't tell who it was.

01:53:20.480 It kept going by so fast.

01:53:21.940 I couldn't see.

01:53:24.020 No.

01:53:24.560 I don't know who that is.

01:53:25.400 I don't know who that is.

01:53:27.020 I can't tell.

01:53:29.000 But yeah, shout out.

01:53:30.320 Thanks to this dude.

01:53:30.960 No, yeah.

01:53:31.240 I'm doing a show with Lil Dicky. 0.54

01:53:34.400 People don't know who that is.

01:53:35.240 He's a funny rapper.

01:53:36.960 He's got a show that we're doing on FX that comes out in March.

01:53:40.700 That's how we met.

01:53:41.520 We met because we're doing the TV show together.

01:53:44.040 He's a funny dude, man.

01:53:45.260 He wants to do comedy more than rap.

01:53:47.220 But he doesn't want to do stand-up.

01:53:48.720 But he wants to do comedic television.

01:53:51.180 Is y'all doing a live show?

01:53:52.340 No, we did a scripted show.

01:53:53.700 Oh, wow.

01:53:54.220 Yeah.

01:53:54.840 For FX, you said?

01:53:55.680 Uh-huh.

01:53:56.000 And it's me and him and a few other actors.

01:54:00.440 But a ton of rappers are on it.

01:54:02.160 YG is on it.

01:54:03.700 Trippy Red, Future.

01:54:04.740 There's a bunch of people that make appearances.

01:54:07.960 It's cool.

01:54:08.580 I mean, I hope it's going to be good.

01:54:10.320 You never know with TV shows.

01:54:11.520 It's so weird, man.

01:54:12.820 You should do more TV shows.

01:54:14.560 Maybe next year.

01:54:15.520 You really should, man.

01:54:16.620 How'd you meet him, though?

01:54:17.280 When I read for the show, we met when I read for the show.

01:54:24.060 His name's Dave. 0.99

01:54:25.560 And he was like, do you want to read these lines or do you just want to just fuck around? 0.99

01:54:32.000 Because I think they had shown him me and he had either seen me or whatever. 0.99

01:54:36.160 And then, yeah, we just fucked around the whole time, man. 0.93

01:54:39.600 We just made up a fake scene scenario. 0.98

01:54:41.840 And we just had a great time.

01:54:43.200 And it was just, it's good.

01:54:44.760 He wants it to be kind of like a rapper's version of Curb, you know?

01:54:49.240 Like to do the hip-hop version of Curb.

01:54:51.520 How did it feel when you were on set?

01:54:52.740 I mean, did it feel like a good show?

01:54:53.740 Yeah, it was funny.

01:54:54.360 I just, I never know with TV.

01:54:55.880 You know what I mean?

01:54:56.260 Like TV, you never know what you're making.

01:54:57.940 You know what I mean?

01:54:58.360 And there's also so much scrutiny in television that I try to just make it, do my best, and I distance myself from it.

01:55:03.840 Yeah.

01:55:04.240 Because I don't, the negativity and the hate and people that talk shit about projects that you make, I just don't want to deal with it. 0.67

01:55:10.880 I don't like it.

01:55:11.640 Like I make it and I push it away.

01:55:13.780 Like I usually never watch anything I do.

01:55:16.380 It's too hard for me.

01:55:17.360 I don't like it.

01:55:17.960 Because then I'll get really critical over what I made.

01:55:20.300 And then I'll start to agree with the hate.

01:55:21.940 You know what I mean?

01:55:22.800 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:55:23.780 Like people say something negative, I'll go, yeah, that is right.

01:55:25.980 I hate that too.

01:55:26.820 Yeah.

01:55:27.040 It's like I don't need to do that to myself.

01:55:28.360 Like there's no need to-

01:55:29.220 I do that sometimes.

01:55:30.060 To drown myself in the thing that I heard someone else be negative about. 1.00

01:55:32.280 I don't need that shit. 1.00

01:55:32.920 Yeah, we don't need it, man. 1.00

01:55:33.920 Yeah, it just doesn't help.

01:55:34.880 It doesn't help, you know?

01:55:35.820 Yeah, if you hate me, don't watch me.

01:55:37.160 Don't talk to me. 0.71

01:55:37.800 Don't like me.

01:55:38.400 I don't care. 1.00

01:55:39.200 If you don't like me, you don't think I'm funny or whatever, you don't like my shit, I don't fucking care. 1.00

01:55:43.060 Don't watch my shit. 1.00

01:55:44.160 I don't need you to tell me. 1.00

01:55:45.100 Yeah, do something else.

01:55:46.080 Yeah, just do something else, bro.

01:55:49.000 I just don't need it anymore.

01:55:50.180 So yeah, I hope it's good.

01:55:51.460 I wish for the best for the show and I put it out and we put some good work into it and hopefully it'll be good.

01:55:56.400 It sounds like you don't think it's going to be good.

01:55:57.680 That's what it sounds like.

01:55:58.620 I'm just not good at that.

01:55:59.660 I'm not good at pretending like I know.

01:56:01.420 Do you know what I mean?

01:56:01.940 Yeah.

01:56:02.240 Because every time I see a something, every time-

01:56:04.320 I respect that though. 0.99

01:56:05.180 At least you're not fucking, yeah, most people would have said, this is the best shit ever. 1.00

01:56:09.060 Watch this shit. 1.00

01:56:09.980 And you're like, that's fucking dog shit. 1.00

01:56:11.520 Yeah, because I don't want to sell a lie. 1.00

01:56:13.580 Like, is it good?

01:56:14.360 I think so.

01:56:15.380 I just, I haven't seen it.

01:56:16.440 That's the other thing is like-

01:56:17.420 What's it called?

01:56:17.980 When will we see it?

01:56:19.000 It's March 14th, I think.

01:56:20.860 It's coming out in March on FX and right now it's called Dave.

01:56:24.120 That's his first name, Dave.

01:56:25.100 But we don't know, they don't know if they're going to call it that yet.

01:56:27.420 But it's great.

01:56:28.080 Jeff Schaefer is the EP of it.

01:56:30.420 He's the guy who did The League with a bunch of our homies. 0.99

01:56:34.300 And he did Curb this year.

01:56:36.340 Jeff directed Curb Your Enthusiasm, which I got to do an episode of.

01:56:39.680 That was bananas.

01:56:41.220 I got an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm coming out. 1.00

01:56:43.060 Damn. 0.99

01:56:43.520 Me and Larry David. 1.00

01:56:44.540 And JB Smooth.

01:56:45.760 JB's so funny.

01:56:46.620 The funniest.

01:56:47.780 Like, too funny.

01:56:49.880 Like, to a degree where you're like, this is unfair how funny he is.

01:56:52.520 Yeah.

01:56:52.760 In a scene, he was knockout.

01:56:54.180 He wasn't even supposed to be in it.

01:56:55.260 He just kind of like, they inserted him in because he showed up.

01:56:57.320 Mm-hmm. 0.99

01:56:57.900 And me and him were just fucking with Larry. 0.99

01:57:00.040 And he loved it. 1.00

01:57:01.300 Wow.

01:57:01.560 He was eating it up.

01:57:02.360 Yeah.

01:57:02.800 It was just supposed to be me and Larry getting in this argument.

01:57:05.340 And JB was like, he just poked in, in the middle of the scene. 0.99

01:57:08.800 I think they had been like, go fuck around. 0.99

01:57:10.600 Because we had gotten what we needed. 0.99

01:57:12.400 And he came in and it changed the whole scene.

01:57:13.920 It was so funny.

01:57:14.540 Oh, he's so funny, man.

01:57:15.540 Funny man.

01:57:16.040 Yeah.

01:57:16.060 So that was, so yeah, hopefully, you know, hopefully the Little Dickies show is, is a

01:57:20.940 well-received thing.

01:57:21.780 I just, I don't know with TV, because I was being honest with you, like, they make you

01:57:26.160 promote the show.

01:57:27.560 Right, right.

01:57:27.960 That's a good point, too.

01:57:28.800 So you do want to promote what's yours, what you've been a part of.

01:57:31.880 So, so, so like, I'm, I hope it's good and I haven't seen it. 1.00

01:57:35.000 That's what people also don't know is like, when you shoot shit, you don't fuck, I don't 1.00

01:57:37.660 fucking know. 1.00

01:57:38.180 I'm not sitting in the edit bay. 0.98

01:57:39.040 I don't know what it's going to turn out to be.

01:57:40.500 Yeah.

01:57:40.940 And a lot of times you get scrutiny over things and you're like, that's not what it

01:57:44.400 was when I did it.

01:57:45.580 You know what I mean?

01:57:46.120 That's, it's like, I don't know what it turned, what it's going to end up being.

01:57:48.840 It's got to go through this Willy Wonka machine of like, you know what I mean?

01:57:52.620 Oh yeah, that's a great point.

01:57:54.040 So, so I hope so.

01:57:55.400 But yeah, you got to do these press tours.

01:57:56.660 And when you do those things, half of the time you do them and they make you feel like

01:58:00.300 you're supposed to be like a cheerleader. 1.00

01:58:02.560 It's like, I don't want to be, I don't want to be like, it's the greatest thing I've ever

01:58:05.360 done.

01:58:05.660 I mean, let me tell you something, Jimmy, like, I don't want to do that.

01:58:08.320 Like, I don't want to go on Jimmy Kimmel and, and play this like hype card.

01:58:13.940 Yeah.

01:58:14.080 It's hard to do because it's just like, I don't know.

01:58:16.880 It's no disrespect to people that do it.

01:58:19.400 Some people are very good at that, but like, I can't, I couldn't, I can't, I can't do it.

01:58:24.360 Like, I like it.

01:58:25.140 I hope it's good.

01:58:26.140 That's all I can do.

01:58:26.820 Like I'm dying up here was the same thing.

01:58:28.180 Yeah.

01:58:28.440 And also you don't have so much control over it.

01:58:30.320 Like you do your lines, you do your scenes, you do your part.

01:58:32.840 Yeah.

01:58:33.140 The only person that has to really be concerned with that stuff is Dave because it's his, he wrote

01:58:38.240 the show.

01:58:38.880 It's his show.

01:58:39.580 You know what I mean?

01:58:40.100 Like, yeah, I mean, if props to him, you know what I mean?

01:58:42.800 Like he put in a lot of work on, he cares a lot about the project and I do too, but I

01:58:47.020 have as much, much less influence and control.

01:58:49.700 I'm a, I'm a, I'm a great puzzle piece in the, in the grand scheme.

01:58:52.820 So we'll see.

01:58:54.540 What we really need to do is like you and me, Bobby, Cal, and a bunch of us goofballs.

01:58:58.840 We need to, we joked about making a movie or a TV show.

01:59:01.020 We really should, man.

01:59:02.340 We would have so much fun.

01:59:03.360 Then, then it'd be no rules.

01:59:04.720 Well, everybody always says it.

01:59:05.740 Nobody does it, but it's like, how do we do, you know, we'd have to find what was,

01:59:09.800 what was tangible.

01:59:10.420 Like we have to find the thing that's like, like that we can hold on to that we could really

01:59:14.100 make something good out of.

01:59:15.500 You know what I mean?

01:59:15.980 Yeah. 0.98

01:59:16.280 It can't just be Bert showing his titties. 0.98

01:59:19.200 Yeah. 0.98

01:59:19.560 Every scene. 0.98

01:59:20.160 Although it is funny to have him just walk into the scene, show his titties and then get 0.98

01:59:22.960 out. 0.98

01:59:23.640 Yeah.

01:59:23.960 I thought wrestling, I thought if we were all like this shitty wrestling league, that I liked

01:59:27.780 that I liked, but I think you get pushback from people that don't like wrestling.

01:59:30.560 That becomes like the whole. 1.00

01:59:32.380 Fuck them, bro. 1.00

01:59:32.940 If they can't let us pretend that we're wrestlers, that's insane. 1.00

01:59:36.240 Yeah.

01:59:36.540 Well, I don't care.

01:59:37.080 I'll pretend.

01:59:37.120 Have some whimsy, man. 1.00

01:59:38.320 Have some fucking whimsy. 1.00

01:59:40.180 Isn't that, that's going to be the phrase of the day. 1.00

01:59:41.660 Have some whimsy.

01:59:41.780 It is now, man.

01:59:42.800 Andrew Santino, thank you so much, bro.

01:59:44.800 Dude, thank you.

01:59:45.100 This was wonderful.

01:59:45.320 Yeah, good luck on the new tour, man.

01:59:46.420 Thank you, man.

01:59:46.680 The Red Rocket Tour.

01:59:47.720 Red Rocket Tour.

01:59:48.540 People, I'm doing 21 cities.

01:59:50.000 Go to AndrewSantino.com and check all that out.

01:59:51.900 And hopefully I'm coming close to you.

01:59:53.760 I'm trying my best to get to as many cities as I can.

01:59:56.340 Yeah, man.

01:59:56.820 And congrats on all your hard work and all your success this year.

01:59:58.860 I know it's been a big year for you, and I hope it keeps going, man.

02:00:01.620 I'm trying.

02:00:02.040 Thank you, baby.

02:00:02.500 You too.

02:00:03.020 Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

02:00:09.540 I must be cornerstone.

02:00:14.640 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.

02:00:20.140 I can feel it in my bones But it's going to take a little time

02:00:29.320 For me to set that parking brake And let myself unwind

02:00:35.980 Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories

02:00:45.900 Shine on me And I will find a song

02:00:54.820 I will sing it just for you

02:00:58.500 And now I've been moving way too fast

02:01:05.760 On a runaway train with a heavy load of my hands

02:01:10.240 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite,

02:01:14.760 And welcome to Kite Club

02:01:16.040 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events

02:01:19.720 Stand-up stories

02:01:20.940 And seven ways to pleasure your partner

02:01:23.260 The answer may shock you

02:01:25.160 Sometimes I'll interview my friends

02:01:27.180 Sometimes I won't

02:01:28.500 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head

02:01:32.000 You have three new voice messages

02:01:34.880 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club

02:01:37.880 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long

02:01:40.680 Longer than anybody else

02:01:42.320 So great

02:01:43.100 I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me

02:02:02.480 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is

02:02:04.900 Tell everyone about Kite Club

02:02:06.600 Second rule of Kite Club is

02:02:08.540 Tell everyone about Kite Club

02:02:10.740 Third rule

02:02:11.560 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts

02:02:14.200 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

02:02:16.820 And yes, don't worry

02:02:17.860 My Brad Pitt impression will get better

02:02:19.900 Thank you for listening to Kite Club

02:02:22.060 Thank you for listening to Kite Club

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - December 09, 2019

Andrew Santino 2 ｜ This Past Weekend w⧸ Theo Von #248

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript