This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Beast Infection

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00:01:23.720 Let's see, yeah.

00:01:25.580 Laissez faire.

00:01:27.140 That means that's that faire.

00:01:29.860 If you see a carnival going on, you say laissez faire.

00:01:34.160 That means that's that faire.

00:01:37.720 Put some sand on your hands.

00:01:39.840 About time to grip that dolphin.

00:01:44.560 You're going to have to fetch that fish, baby.

00:01:47.820 And we're going to do it here today.

00:01:49.480 I hope you're doing well.

00:01:50.340 Celebrate living.

00:02:06.360 Celebrate misery.

00:02:10.440 You know that soon we're going to die.

00:02:19.400 Let's have some fun while we all die.

00:02:25.500 Celebrate dark days.

00:02:28.980 Celebrate all your brains.

00:02:33.740 All of your demons exercise.

00:02:37.440 Let them go.

00:02:38.080 Let them go.

00:02:40.440 Let's have some fun while we all die.

00:02:46.800 Oh, and once again, I can't really fade that song out as well as I'd like to be.

00:02:54.720 You know, I'd love that song at the end to really just go at a very slow, lessening level.

00:03:03.360 So you get less sound in you.

00:03:09.440 Like at a gradient, they call it.

00:03:13.820 And that's not to be confused with this boy I used to know named Gradient Harper.

00:03:18.580 Who used to play on the local football team in junior high.

00:03:23.920 Dude, I remember we had a baseball field we played on, and I was on a really rot-gut team called the Cubs.

00:03:40.240 And a couple jerseys, they accidentally wrote clubs on it, and it just, so about six of the guys on our team were on the Cubs, the Playville Cubs.

00:03:53.200 And we had about three or four guys on the Playville Clubs.

00:03:56.920 And we would play on a field out there on the edge of town off of Highway 190 that had a slant.

00:04:09.020 It had a gradient.

00:04:10.460 They just, I don't know if, you know, there had been like a, they might have been having gravity issues or something.

00:04:19.480 Or, I'm not sure.

00:04:22.560 This might have been during a sinkhole flare-up.

00:04:24.840 I'm not sure.

00:04:26.820 Because that sinkholes, those things, dude, when Mother Earth has had too much to eat, and that bitch belches,

00:04:36.920 somebody's losing a fucking half a parking lot full of Honda Civics or something, you know?

00:04:43.660 You know, she ain't afraid to digest anything.

00:04:45.600 It could be somebody hitchhiking, you know, somebody driving a Dodge Ram.

00:04:51.720 Everybody is going straight into the Earth's core.

00:04:58.680 But we played softball on a, on this field.

00:05:02.560 Not softball.

00:05:04.500 It was regular ball, baseball.

00:05:08.000 And, man, I wasn't good at baseball, man.

00:05:10.200 I, um, I remember asking the coach one time if we could put tape on the ball, like, um, you know, like, uh, duct tape.

00:05:23.900 So that thing wouldn't come in, it wouldn't hit, you know, it wouldn't be as hard when it hit the glove.

00:05:29.620 So most of baseball was me hiding kind of whenever the good batters would get up.

00:05:33.900 Because I'm a daydreamer.

00:05:38.420 I don't need a bed, I don't need a pillow to, you know, to really create that ambiance.

00:05:46.580 I'm that, I got that Spielberg in me, I got that cerebral Spielberg.

00:05:52.380 You know, I got, this shit is, it's going in my head.

00:05:55.860 And so, baseball and a day, you can't daydream and do baseball.

00:06:02.020 You can't, I, you cannot do it.

00:06:05.040 Because you're out there and next thing you know, you, you, you fucking, that ball comes zinging at you.

00:06:11.840 You'll lose an occipital, you know, it'll, you'll pop your occipital.

00:06:15.880 Dude, it'll hit you in the eye.

00:06:17.840 One of your, one of your eyeballs roll right out your mouth.

00:06:22.200 Like you're a Halloween game show.

00:06:23.820 That shit can get tricky.

00:06:25.860 But we played on a field when I was on the Cubs clubs that was at a slant.

00:06:33.940 And, dude, you would hit a grounder towards first base and by the time it got to, like, the outfield, it was, oh, it was, it was along the third base line.

00:06:43.880 It was just every ball.

00:06:47.680 So the best player was out there on third base or in the left field.

00:06:51.860 And I didn't, I wasn't good at it, man.

00:06:56.820 Because I would forget we were playing.

00:06:59.780 I'd forget I was playing.

00:07:02.580 Dude, I'd be out there way out in right field picking stuff and eating it or trying stuff.

00:07:08.860 I mean, I wouldn't eat, I would not eat everything that I picked.

00:07:13.980 That wasn't, I wasn't that boy.

00:07:16.580 You know, you always had that one creepy boy, just anything you find, he just slid it into his mouth.

00:07:24.220 I mean, it could be anything.

00:07:25.220 It's, dude, he put a damn snake in his mouth.

00:07:28.860 You know, some of these guys, they'll babysit a damn, you finally get their jaws open and they're in there, you know, they're having, you know, a couple little oysters are in there doing conjugal visits and stuff.

00:07:40.040 Some people will put anything under their tongue.

00:07:45.720 Oh, but that field, man, it was so hard.

00:07:49.720 Because if a ball went into the outfield and you got it, you had to run, you had to run uphill.

00:07:55.480 It was very, I mean, it was like a damn decathlon just trying to get the ball in.

00:08:03.660 And sometimes you would throw it and it would come right back down the hill at you.

00:08:06.720 You're like, gee, well, and then at the far left field, it went sloped that way.

00:08:12.180 It sloped out.

00:08:14.540 Dude, one guy hit it.

00:08:16.280 This one fellow, Mikey Donowar, and he was, my God, this guy, he was, I mean, he must have came out of the womb with a, you know, he must have came out of the womb with a damn, with capability.

00:08:36.720 And capability is when you just, when you're not, you know, when you just, when you can do something.

00:08:45.940 Have you ever done anything?

00:08:47.680 Well, that's capability right there.

00:08:49.280 And this boy just had all the athletic capability and he would hit that ball and we went to get it.

00:08:56.880 It went over the deep, off the edge, deep field.

00:09:00.840 And dude, it took you, sometimes I remember getting a ball and coming up the hill off the deep end.

00:09:06.620 And by the time I got up there, the game had been over for about 40 minutes.

00:09:12.320 Everybody's just knuckle deep eating snow cones and some of the parents are over there, you know, you know, complaining about their spouses or whatever.

00:09:24.380 Some of this one lady would cry every time we won.

00:09:27.140 Like, bitch, you're not even, you don't even have a kid on the team.

00:09:29.180 Okay, you just out here lurking.

00:09:33.860 This lady would creep us out, dude.

00:09:37.440 She'd be crying.

00:09:38.360 Somebody would hit a damn double and she would start crying like jeepers.

00:09:41.180 And she had a Don Mattingly tattoo on her fucking, on her ribs.

00:09:47.300 But she was beautiful, though.

00:09:48.500 I will say that she had a certain beauty about her.

00:09:52.680 You know, there's something, there's something very American about it when somebody hits a damn double.

00:10:00.820 And a lady starts crying just a few feet away.

00:10:03.520 There's something, hell, I don't even know.

00:10:07.220 It's almost like, it's like that movie, it's the way I feel when I watch that movie, Cinderella Man.

00:10:18.040 My heaven.

00:10:20.000 That thing will fucking get me, bro.

00:10:22.900 Cinderella Man.

00:10:26.660 What's going on?

00:10:27.700 Good to see you.

00:10:28.400 Happy November 18.

00:10:32.100 And it is the year 2019-2019.

00:10:40.020 And we are living it.

00:10:42.760 We are living through time.

00:10:47.240 I was thinking about that this weekend, how time is just such a...

00:10:52.660 It won't, you can't stop it.

00:10:54.420 I mean, you just, it's on, it's just the, it's kind of like the, it's the LeBron James of mediums.

00:11:04.640 This bitch is going.

00:11:08.140 And sometimes I realize, I'm like, hey, time, time, time.

00:11:14.460 You know, I'm over here, you know, hold it up.

00:11:16.900 But time ain't fucking with you, boy.

00:11:20.340 Time ain't fucking with you.

00:11:22.060 You little assholes out here on that lopsided field.

00:11:26.620 Get your shit together.

00:11:28.200 I can't believe our town would do all of that.

00:11:30.660 Just really.

00:11:32.000 And they had regular fields.

00:11:33.380 I think they had a couple parents out there, like seeing the children struggle.

00:11:37.720 And seeing, you'd have some kids, dude, they play baseball so much, they'd have a damn,

00:11:41.860 they would grow into genetically, even one of their legs almost had a little bit more reach on it.

00:11:47.340 They'd be a little bit more right-legged.

00:11:49.120 Or you'd see some of the coaches out there would measure that right leg on you during practices and stuff.

00:11:55.160 Because see who would be able to get the best angles based on the field.

00:11:59.580 And that was, it's weird when carpentry kind of comes into a baseball.

00:12:05.360 You know, when somebody, when you got a damn subcontractor out there playing on the, you know, as a third base coach.

00:12:11.260 It just gets a little kind of obtuse.

00:12:16.500 Oh, it is.

00:12:20.780 It is November.

00:12:23.420 What's going on with you?

00:12:25.500 I hope you're well today.

00:12:28.640 I'm feeling okay.

00:12:29.960 I'm feeling okay, man.

00:12:31.120 I'm feeling like I'm, this past week I've been really motivated to just get to the gym and get that pump.

00:12:39.480 Get that body pump.

00:12:43.080 And the other day I even taped off my legs with a tight tape.

00:12:47.580 And tape is something that's basically, for people that's too lazy to get a rope and do something, they made tape.

00:12:53.820 So it's really just kind of bitch rope.

00:12:58.240 And boy, I'll tape these thighs closed and I keep my blood up top.

00:13:03.700 Because when I needed, when I used to do that, if I would do a test or something or, you know, in school, man, if I was had a hard test.

00:13:11.360 Dude, you know, I'd have my, both of my legs tied off, bro.

00:13:15.660 I ain't letting my blood go down to my feet and do what?

00:13:19.020 Think about what?

00:13:20.640 Slippers.

00:13:21.000 I need my blood up top.

00:13:25.000 I need my knowledge bubbling through my freaking little brain tank.

00:13:33.180 Because you got to keep the water warm up there.

00:13:36.700 You know, all these, your extremities, a lot of times, they're wasting time.

00:13:39.980 You put, I want that straight.

00:13:41.220 When I'm under pressure, I want heart to brain.

00:13:43.780 Heart to brain.

00:13:45.360 I don't want the, you know, your blood's out here hitchhiking and your damn, you know, that fourth finger,

00:13:50.220 that one you can't barely get straight even when, if you try to make it straight by itself, you know the one?

00:13:54.720 I don't care if that bitch ever gets any blood, honestly.

00:13:59.580 I want the blood where I need it.

00:14:04.040 So you'd see me in a test, man, my arms and legs would be turning purple.

00:14:09.080 And some of the kids would be like, dude, you all right, man?

00:14:11.500 You can't even hold your pencil.

00:14:13.740 I'm like, bitch, I'm doing social studies, okay?

00:14:16.140 And I'm trying to get a B.

00:14:17.060 So I'm living what I'm trying, I got to do something for myself here.

00:14:21.980 It's preservation and you guys out here doing that full flow.

00:14:27.780 I'm going brain to heart, boy.

00:14:31.640 And I'm living like that.

00:14:38.040 What's going on?

00:14:38.860 I'll do a little bit of laundry.

00:14:39.920 We still want some single mothers for Lafayette, and that show's almost sold out down there December 26th.

00:14:48.780 So we'd love that if you want to call and recommend one or two.

00:14:54.840 We have the show in December 10th at the Wiltern in Los Angeles.

00:14:59.920 That's almost sold out.

00:15:00.980 We just put on Red Bank, New Jersey, which is the makeup show for Sayersville.

00:15:08.920 It's now at a bigger locale.

00:15:12.160 So you can get in there and sit down and feel that, feel your body in the chair.

00:15:19.780 And there's something nice about that when your body hits a chair.

00:15:22.900 There's something.

00:15:25.400 I mean, they perfected that.

00:15:26.940 You know, a chair, they, it's such a perfectional piece.

00:15:33.960 Say, hey, hey, come here.

00:15:36.600 Stay right here with me.

00:15:39.620 And you do it every time you see a chair, you do it.

00:15:44.120 Isn't that beautiful?

00:15:46.780 A chair is like, hey, I'll be over here.

00:15:49.100 Do what you do, but you know where I'll be at.

00:15:53.120 And you get over there and you put your ass right on it.

00:15:57.720 Chairs are dirty, man.

00:15:59.120 Thanks.

00:16:00.240 They're going to get pink-eyed.

00:16:01.400 They keep playing all these games.

00:16:04.920 Oh, okay.

00:16:07.700 What's going on with you?

00:16:10.080 Who's listening out there?

00:16:11.320 I wonder who's listening sometimes, and I wonder who isn't.

00:16:14.460 I know we have a young lady named Amanda,

00:16:17.760 who is a long-timer listener.

00:16:22.100 Thank you, Amanda.

00:16:22.800 And I'm going to give her a call now

00:16:24.720 and just see who listens to this thing.

00:16:29.760 And she's a correctional officer, so.

00:16:34.920 Been around some seedy men.

00:16:36.540 Hello?

00:16:37.240 Hey, Amanda, what's up?

00:16:38.280 It's Theo.

00:16:39.700 Hi, how are you?

00:16:40.840 I'm doing well.

00:16:41.640 How are you today?

00:16:43.240 I'm good, thanks.

00:16:44.340 And you've listened, now you've listened to most of this past weekend.

00:16:50.900 Yes.

00:16:51.900 Yeah, I've listened to all of them.

00:16:54.280 Okay.

00:16:55.680 And how are you doing?

00:16:59.120 I'm good, yeah.

00:17:00.800 Nice.

00:17:01.300 I'm just making sure you're holding up okay.

00:17:04.520 I think so, yeah.

00:17:06.080 Okay, good.

00:17:06.720 And you're a correctional officer, right?

00:17:10.680 I work in corrections.

00:17:13.060 I do admin at a jail.

00:17:16.340 And what is it like over there?

00:17:17.880 Are people, is it kind of like you see on Shawshank Redemption,

00:17:21.100 where people are, you know, kind of like dirty, but also hopeful?

00:17:27.400 Or what's the vibe, you think?

00:17:30.920 Sometimes, yeah.

00:17:32.280 Yeah, we get a lot of, you know, people fresh off the street

00:17:36.440 because we're a county jail, so they haven't been sentenced or anything.

00:17:40.120 They come to us, you know, police pick them up straight off the street,

00:17:43.340 bring them to us.

00:17:44.180 So we see all kinds of people, you know, mentally unstable,

00:17:49.680 you know, people who are currently on drugs that get brought in high.

00:17:56.300 Wow.

00:17:58.220 DUIs, people who are currently drunk, who have to, you know,

00:18:01.800 stay in a detox and sleep it off.

00:18:04.240 And do they team up?

00:18:05.440 Do they put them on teams?

00:18:06.560 Is there like a team room where there's more than one man in there?

00:18:09.480 Or is it there is, everybody gets their own room?

00:18:15.020 Well, no, when you first come in to be processed,

00:18:17.720 pretty much everyone is in the same little holding cell together.

00:18:20.940 Oh, God, I would, that's almost like American Idol or something.

00:18:23.740 I would hate that.

00:18:24.400 It's like backstage at American Idol.

00:18:27.520 Yeah.

00:18:31.280 You know, it's interesting to say the least because, you know,

00:18:34.340 you have some that are aggressive and want to, you know,

00:18:37.300 shadow box with themselves or other people.

00:18:40.240 And then you have, you know, people who are drunk and they just want to sleep.

00:18:43.340 So, you get a whole mix of different people.

00:18:46.480 And does it get pretty, does it get kind of homoerotic at that point?

00:18:50.600 Or that's later in the system?

00:18:51.980 I wonder if you're seeing any of that.

00:18:54.760 Not in holding, but, you know,

00:18:56.700 that does happen when they get to their housing.

00:19:00.200 Oh, yeah.

00:19:00.580 You hold it for long enough, you want to put it in something, you know,

00:19:03.800 and that's, but, yeah, you're just in holding.

00:19:06.220 So, one more question I have, or do you find that, so you, these people,

00:19:14.200 so now, so your job exactly, so you're not escorting them back there with a

00:19:17.660 weapon or anything like that.

00:19:18.720 You're not doing any of that.

00:19:21.180 Correct.

00:19:21.840 No, I do an admin side, like a Monday through Friday.

00:19:25.860 So, after they come in and they're processed and they go to their tank,

00:19:29.640 I coordinate programs.

00:19:31.040 So, if they want to go to church or AA, GED, that sort of thing.

00:19:35.300 Oh, nice.

00:19:36.920 Yeah.

00:19:37.860 I do the secure system, which is our phone system.

00:19:43.800 So, selling phone cards, if they have any issues with their phone accounts,

00:19:48.360 things like that.

00:19:50.380 Their money, their money system.

00:19:52.500 If their family has an issue putting money onto their commissary account,

00:19:56.100 you know, I'm the person that they would talk to to try to resolve their issues.

00:20:00.340 I see.

00:20:01.100 And are most of them, do you find, like, a lot of the inmates are pretty friendly

00:20:03.680 for you, towards you?

00:20:04.760 Does it vary?

00:20:05.880 Or is there a general kind of vibe amongst inmates?

00:20:11.180 Well, because I try to, because, you know, innocent until proven guilty,

00:20:14.920 a lot of them there haven't been to court.

00:20:16.680 So, I try to treat people with respect as long as they respect me.

00:20:20.000 And that seems, you know, they're really receptive to that.

00:20:24.720 So.

00:20:25.320 Yeah.

00:20:26.220 But just being a female in corrections is tough.

00:20:30.300 Whether you, you know, are an officer, admin, doesn't matter.

00:20:35.320 Yeah.

00:20:35.760 Oh, I can totally imagine.

00:20:37.060 And do a lot of the men come over there and kind of perv out by you?

00:20:39.600 Do you have anybody, you know, doing, you know, sending you little handfuls of dirty stuff

00:20:44.120 from their body or anything?

00:20:45.200 I mean, what do you get?

00:20:47.300 Do you get any gifts?

00:20:48.260 Definitely.

00:20:49.180 Wow.

00:20:49.500 No, I get notes.

00:20:51.300 I get lots of notes.

00:20:52.540 Mm-hmm.

00:20:53.480 And what are they looking for, a date?

00:20:55.100 Or is it, are they thinking, is it, what are they looking for, a date?

00:21:00.040 A couple?

00:21:00.800 Yeah.

00:21:01.280 Wow.

00:21:01.540 They say, when I get out, I'm going to find you.

00:21:03.640 Okay.

00:21:04.540 Find me.

00:21:05.060 First of all, find me ain't the best way to pick a woman up.

00:21:09.340 You know what I'm saying, Mr. Criminal?

00:21:10.580 Thank you.

00:21:11.700 If you're a criminal, that ain't my pickup line, especially if I'm a criminal.

00:21:17.260 I'm going to find you.

00:21:19.020 I'm going to come find you.

00:21:20.440 Yeah.

00:21:20.700 Because I'm not going to, you know, no one knows who I am or where I live, but they're

00:21:23.860 going to come find me.

00:21:25.240 Okay.

00:21:25.760 So that's kind of scary.

00:21:27.800 Have you ever engaged with an inmate?

00:21:31.560 No.

00:21:32.260 Just in, no.

00:21:33.880 Just one-on-one.

00:21:35.820 You know, they have a question about something, answer it.

00:21:38.200 But, other than that, I try not to learn too much about their lives, why they're there.

00:21:44.380 You know, because it doesn't matter to me why you're there.

00:21:46.640 You know, just be respectful to me.

00:21:49.080 I'll be respectful to you.

00:21:50.720 I see.

00:21:51.760 I love it.

00:21:52.720 And is it a, do you feel like it's a tough job for a woman?

00:21:54.880 Do you feel like a, is it a man's world?

00:21:58.640 Is it a man's world in the prison system?

00:22:02.140 I think that men, they get more respect.

00:22:05.700 They get a lot more respect.

00:22:08.200 Whereas a female, a lot of them see you as weak.

00:22:12.820 Or, you know, or maybe that they can, that they can try to talk you into doing something

00:22:16.800 for them.

00:22:18.660 So, I think it takes a special person.

00:22:21.680 Do a lot of them try to get drugs?

00:22:23.000 Yeah, they see the woman as the low-hung fruit.

00:22:25.720 Do they, do they try to get drugs in?

00:22:28.380 Do they try to get, you know, playing cards or, you know, like whistle or anything?

00:22:33.800 Like anything unique that they're trying to get in or you're asking you?

00:22:39.100 Oh, not me personally.

00:22:40.740 I've never encountered that, but I've heard of instances, yes, where they try to make friends

00:22:44.880 and they say, hey, you know, we're friends.

00:22:47.260 Bring in a pack of cigarettes or, you know, but me personally, I don't want to get involved.

00:22:52.260 So, and that, and I don't have constant direct contact with them like, um, like an actual

00:22:58.740 corrections officer would.

00:23:00.300 Yeah.

00:23:00.440 I don't see them every second of my shift.

00:23:04.000 I see.

00:23:04.260 So, I think that's where I have an advantage because my contact is brief.

00:23:08.920 Mm, yeah.

00:23:09.760 So.

00:23:10.720 It's brief.

00:23:11.660 And have you, uh, is there a lot of handsome men going into prison or what style of man

00:23:15.580 is it visually?

00:23:18.040 Oh, no.

00:23:20.260 Mm.

00:23:20.680 No, and maybe, maybe it's, maybe it's be drugs.

00:23:23.040 Maybe, you know, maybe at one time they were handsome, but, you know, where I work, I haven't

00:23:28.600 seen anyone in particular that was too handsome.

00:23:32.600 A lot of four and fives, a lot of four and fives doing crime, huh?

00:23:38.040 Maybe even threes.

00:23:39.380 Ooh.

00:23:39.680 There's a lot of threes.

00:23:41.060 And you got to earn a three, man, because the Lord gives you five, man.

00:23:43.960 You got to earn a three.

00:23:46.220 Well, you know, when you have two teeth.

00:23:48.820 Yeah, that's true.

00:23:49.520 Sometimes it's hard.

00:23:50.920 But when you got two, man, you got, that's your, you got to take care of those babies.

00:23:54.120 At that point, that's not even a smile.

00:23:55.560 That's just pets.

00:23:56.560 Those are just pets in your mouth, you know?

00:23:58.360 You got to take care of them.

00:24:00.740 Right.

00:24:01.100 Um, well, thank you so much for listening.

00:24:03.480 I really appreciate it.

00:24:04.700 And, uh, and I just wanted to say thank you.

00:24:08.540 Yeah, no problem.

00:24:09.880 I enjoy it.

00:24:10.900 And if I go to jail, I hope I see you.

00:24:14.600 Definitely.

00:24:15.420 Yep.

00:24:16.100 Definitely.

00:24:17.100 Well, don't ask for anything.

00:24:18.520 Okay.

00:24:18.960 Well, I just want a deck of cards.

00:24:20.480 That's what all I want with some pictures on the back, some nudie pics, you know?

00:24:23.820 Um, well, regular cards, I can get some off commissary, but I don't know about the nudie

00:24:29.120 ones.

00:24:29.880 Well, maybe I'll just draw those on my, on there myself.

00:24:32.120 You'll have to make them.

00:24:32.820 Yeah.

00:24:33.100 Yep.

00:24:33.360 You'll have to make them.

00:24:34.200 Find someone who's really good.

00:24:36.160 Oh, yeah.

00:24:36.680 Because, you know, prison art is, prison art's the best.

00:24:39.840 They can, they really have figured out how to, you know, draw a really good nipple.

00:24:44.940 Oh, really?

00:24:45.580 Now, do you see a lot of that?

00:24:46.540 Do they confiscate a lot of that?

00:24:47.740 People drawing titty and drawing all of that?

00:24:49.500 You can draw it.

00:24:51.960 Um, you know, you can send it out.

00:24:53.880 I've seen it.

00:24:54.800 I've seen it.

00:24:55.600 A lot of it.

00:24:56.500 Amen.

00:24:57.780 Amen.

00:24:58.600 Oh, thank you so much, Amanda.

00:24:59.900 And, uh, and I hope you have a great, uh, I hope you have a great week over there.

00:25:04.020 I appreciate it.

00:25:05.100 Thank you so much.

00:25:05.980 All right.

00:25:06.180 Talk to you soon.

00:25:07.900 All right.

00:25:08.540 Thanks.

00:25:09.040 Bye-bye.

00:25:09.820 Bye.

00:25:11.000 And that's Amanda right there.

00:25:12.840 Uh, and thank you very much, Amanda, for listening.

00:25:15.520 Um, and she made a list.

00:25:17.940 This is how I found her number.

00:25:20.060 She made a list of, uh, all the people that I've ever talked about from my hometown, um,

00:25:28.060 and sent it to us as like a glossary.

00:25:31.300 And a glossary is, you know, it's a list.

00:25:34.660 And you know that, don't you?

00:25:36.320 You should.

00:25:37.020 We all should.

00:25:38.640 Um, I got to pay the bills real quick.

00:25:41.260 Uh, today's episode is brought to you by Candid.

00:25:45.160 You know, it's that time of year.

00:25:48.080 It's that time of year when a reindeer might just fly right past your house looking for

00:25:52.160 a hot gram.

00:25:54.060 It's that time of year to share smiles and good times with friends and family.

00:25:59.160 This is time to tickle your damn uncle, boy, and hide your cousin in the damn, uh, little

00:26:04.080 dirty clothes hamper.

00:26:05.300 Hide his little ass.

00:26:07.020 And of course, it's time to exchange gifts.

00:26:09.020 How, how about you give yourself a gift like I'm doing today?

00:26:14.040 Give the gift of self-confidence.

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00:26:39.620 I mean, think about that.

00:26:40.960 Think about getting that grill.

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00:26:45.480 You'll be in the zoo.

00:26:47.120 You'll be the to-do of the zoo when you get that grill tight, tight, tight.

00:26:53.940 I mean, you could smile if you smile real hard.

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00:27:26.660 I guess via train, I guess, which is pretty cool.

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00:28:58.000 I've worn them after a party.

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00:30:07.500 I love them and you will.

00:30:10.820 Thank you guys.

00:30:12.120 Uh, good to see you.

00:30:13.220 Good to hear you.

00:30:14.360 What's going on?

00:30:15.980 Being alive, you know.

00:30:18.060 Making it through the year.

00:30:18.960 I'm kind of amazed how time goes so fast.

00:30:22.580 You know, I was brushing on it a little earlier.

00:30:25.780 I mean, time.

00:30:29.320 Time just.

00:30:32.440 It's like the fastest friend you have.

00:30:34.660 And you're always like, come here, buddy.

00:30:36.880 And time's like.

00:30:42.280 And sometimes I find I even get angry at time in my brain.

00:30:45.540 I'm like, time.

00:30:46.340 Shut it down, guy.

00:30:50.820 You know, I'm trying to tighten up over here and you keep just making me feel loose.

00:30:57.060 Because you keep just.

00:30:58.280 Time is that guy like when you're going repelling and he just keeps throwing rope out there.

00:31:04.080 You know, like your boy Larry Time.

00:31:06.260 He's just roping you out.

00:31:07.420 But that's life, man.

00:31:12.080 That's life.

00:31:12.640 It's that limited time offer.

00:31:15.980 You know, life is that limited time offer where.

00:31:18.620 It's just.

00:31:24.280 It's so.

00:31:26.980 It's the only show in town.

00:31:29.000 That's the thing.

00:31:30.280 For as much as we know.

00:31:33.080 It's the only show in town.

00:31:34.960 And so.

00:31:35.240 We got to grab this bastard.

00:31:39.120 Because this is it.

00:31:41.660 And we're doing it.

00:31:43.900 We're doing it, man.

00:31:46.340 We're doing it.

00:31:47.220 I'm back on that hope bus.

00:31:49.240 All aboard.

00:31:50.200 This bus is short.

00:31:51.900 But it's hopeful, son.

00:31:55.560 Ganga.

00:31:56.160 We had some great calls that came in.

00:32:00.180 What did I do this weekend?

00:32:01.720 Oh, I did this breathing work thing.

00:32:05.700 It's called Breath of Fire.

00:32:07.760 You could look it up online.

00:32:10.540 And it's where you.

00:32:22.160 It's where you inhale like a bunch through your nose.

00:32:24.920 And then you hold your breath.

00:32:28.880 And you got to.

00:32:32.060 You got to tighten up that little dirt dimple.

00:32:34.580 That kind of T-A-I-N-T.

00:32:36.480 I don't want to say it out loud.

00:32:37.700 But.

00:32:38.620 You know, that T-A-I-N-T area of your body.

00:32:42.380 You know, that little isthmus between your.

00:32:45.840 Nuts and your little back jaw.

00:32:48.660 You know, down there in.

00:32:51.600 Stink-Ganistan, bro.

00:32:53.000 That area right between your nuts and your little bee holes.

00:32:54.920 Folio.

00:32:56.680 Well, you tighten that up and you hold your breath after you do all that breathing.

00:33:00.520 And you're supposed to catch a little bit of a free buzz.

00:33:04.000 And it's called Fire.

00:33:07.520 Shit, I don't know what it's called.

00:33:08.800 But you do it in the morning and it really helps you out.

00:33:10.680 And you can look it up.

00:33:11.620 And I met a man.

00:33:14.220 This man had like a.

00:33:15.780 This man.

00:33:16.480 His name is.

00:33:19.840 Casey.

00:33:20.320 No.

00:33:20.600 Henry.

00:33:21.020 No.

00:33:21.900 Thurman.

00:33:22.340 No.

00:33:22.540 His name is Randy.

00:33:25.880 No.

00:33:26.820 Breathing.

00:33:27.900 Let me see what his name is real quick.

00:33:29.540 Damn.

00:33:29.960 Nice man too.

00:33:30.740 I wish I wouldn't forget his name right now.

00:33:32.960 Breathe.

00:33:34.820 Breathing.

00:33:35.220 Troy Casey.

00:33:38.140 That's his man.

00:33:39.200 That's his name.

00:33:41.240 And.

00:33:42.680 Which is crazy.

00:33:43.440 I knew a kid growing up.

00:33:44.420 This boy.

00:33:44.800 Troy Casey Walter.

00:33:46.360 And he had three first names.

00:33:47.680 No last names.

00:33:49.460 And.

00:33:51.680 Man.

00:33:52.120 You're fucked really if that happens.

00:33:53.340 But this man only has two.

00:33:54.340 His name is Troy Casey.

00:33:55.680 And he was really cool.

00:33:57.160 And.

00:33:57.820 When you do that.

00:33:58.900 And you do this fire breathing technique.

00:34:00.540 You activate the DMT that's in your body.

00:34:03.460 And it's that free.

00:34:04.860 You know.

00:34:05.620 It's just like the Lord put that lollipop.

00:34:08.800 Right into you.

00:34:10.940 And you.

00:34:11.520 You know.

00:34:12.140 First you was lollying.

00:34:13.240 But now you pop in.

00:34:15.840 I'm a sucker for a sucker.

00:34:18.600 And I'll put a link to one of his videos.

00:34:23.300 And it was really.

00:34:25.380 It got me feeling just.

00:34:27.460 I just started to feel a little bit more gifted.

00:34:30.320 And it made me feel a little more motivated.

00:34:33.240 So I'm happy that I've just been running a lot this past week.

00:34:37.580 And I'm hopeful that I'll keep doing that.

00:34:43.140 Yeah.

00:34:43.640 Just.

00:34:43.940 You know.

00:34:44.180 It's just.

00:34:44.700 It's time to just.

00:34:46.320 This whole year for me.

00:34:47.380 And I know I say it all the time.

00:34:48.280 It's just been.

00:34:49.560 Very.

00:34:51.400 I don't.

00:34:51.980 I mean.

00:34:52.420 Maybe I share it all the time.

00:34:53.460 And it's all I share.

00:34:53.940 But it's been really tough.

00:34:54.740 This year has been very tough for me.

00:34:56.280 Which.

00:34:56.480 And it's hard to complain.

00:34:57.460 Because I've had.

00:34:58.580 Such a.

00:35:01.640 Progressive year with work.

00:35:04.720 And it's hard to complain.

00:35:06.100 But.

00:35:06.760 And I don't want to.

00:35:07.560 I don't want to complain.

00:35:08.340 I just want to.

00:35:10.140 Stay focused on.

00:35:12.140 Feeling.

00:35:13.320 Good.

00:35:14.940 And.

00:35:15.220 And I can do it.

00:35:18.900 I can do it.

00:35:21.000 I've done a lot.

00:35:22.020 And I can do this.

00:35:23.700 So that's what I'm telling myself today.

00:35:26.200 We have some calls that came in.

00:35:28.420 As always.

00:35:28.900 On the hotline.

00:35:29.680 985-664-9503.

00:35:35.220 Also.

00:35:35.680 What did I do this past.

00:35:37.680 The past two weeks.

00:35:38.840 We did a.

00:35:40.420 Campaign for Sam Adams.

00:35:42.820 And that'll be.

00:35:43.480 You'll get to see it.

00:35:44.180 It's a video.

00:35:45.460 And I don't drink.

00:35:47.300 But the campaign is really amazing.

00:35:50.320 And you don't have to drink to do the campaign.

00:35:52.780 Which was.

00:35:53.360 Which I thought was pretty cool.

00:35:54.380 And which is also the only way that I would do it.

00:36:00.320 But.

00:36:01.560 They.

00:36:02.220 It was about toasting somebody.

00:36:04.880 You know like toasting.

00:36:06.300 You know where you really say.

00:36:07.860 Hey.

00:36:08.580 You know you're my buddy.

00:36:09.740 Or you know.

00:36:10.760 Cheers to you.

00:36:12.680 And it was.

00:36:13.980 You'll see it.

00:36:14.680 There's going to be some other.

00:36:15.960 Of your favorite podcast people in there.

00:36:18.140 Not favorite.

00:36:19.180 I mean you may listen to this and.

00:36:21.600 Can't stand me.

00:36:22.540 But.

00:36:24.000 There's going to be a.

00:36:24.820 Just a tribe of.

00:36:26.580 Of.

00:36:27.180 Of podcast.

00:36:28.600 People.

00:36:29.440 That are doing these.

00:36:30.960 Toast someone campaigns.

00:36:32.880 And.

00:36:34.000 That happy hitter.

00:36:35.020 Oh and Toronto.

00:36:35.780 Is.

00:36:36.260 Is going to finally go on sale this week.

00:36:39.180 So.

00:36:39.520 And the Braya.

00:36:40.200 We're going to make those dates up.

00:36:41.340 I don't know when.

00:36:42.040 But it's going to happen.

00:36:42.780 Probably.

00:36:44.580 March.

00:36:45.740 So.

00:36:46.820 Onward.

00:36:47.280 Here we go.

00:36:48.480 Yo.

00:36:49.360 Theo.

00:36:50.180 This is.

00:36:51.140 It's morning.

00:36:52.540 Out here.

00:36:53.680 In St. Louis man.

00:36:55.940 Morning.

00:36:57.020 And that's a great name.

00:36:59.740 And that's a.

00:37:00.760 I mean that's obviously a name.

00:37:02.100 You got to use before noon.

00:37:05.040 And.

00:37:06.300 And that's got to be great.

00:37:07.600 Because it's got to be just peaceful after that.

00:37:10.120 Nobody bothering you.

00:37:12.400 Onward brother.

00:37:13.080 I was just.

00:37:15.020 Hitting you up.

00:37:15.720 Because.

00:37:16.120 I heard you talking about that.

00:37:18.220 Ice cream machine at McDonald's man.

00:37:20.900 I used to work up there.

00:37:23.240 They canned me.

00:37:25.460 And.

00:37:25.800 I'll tell you the truth about that thing man.

00:37:28.600 It's always working.

00:37:30.400 It's just.

00:37:31.740 Nobody wants to clean it.

00:37:33.680 So.

00:37:34.960 They just tell you it's broken all the time.

00:37:37.780 If you want some ice cream.

00:37:39.840 You want to get that sundae.

00:37:42.140 You just tell them straight up.

00:37:43.760 Look.

00:37:44.200 I'm going to talk to your district manager.

00:37:46.760 I know that thing works.

00:37:48.220 And I guarantee you man.

00:37:50.300 They'll fire that boy up for you.

00:37:52.860 But then.

00:37:53.760 You got to be careful.

00:37:54.720 Because they probably going to spit in it.

00:37:57.080 So remember that.

00:37:58.100 The next time you're hitting that late night McDonald's.

00:38:00.200 Don't let them pull that bullshit on you.

00:38:03.440 Gang.

00:38:04.460 Gang.

00:38:05.140 They always do it.

00:38:06.920 And how much spit.

00:38:07.960 That's the question.

00:38:08.660 It really.

00:38:10.460 Pops into your brain.

00:38:11.800 Like a.

00:38:13.420 Like a damn vulture.

00:38:14.740 With a handful of.

00:38:17.780 Uh.

00:38:18.560 You know.

00:38:19.020 Warm marbles.

00:38:19.860 I mean.

00:38:20.060 That's the thing that's.

00:38:22.600 You know.

00:38:23.120 How much.

00:38:23.760 You know.

00:38:24.080 If they drop one little.

00:38:26.720 You know.

00:38:27.200 About a 19th of an ounce.

00:38:28.580 Or something over to the edge.

00:38:29.820 I can handle it.

00:38:30.680 Boy.

00:38:31.760 But if they do a.

00:38:32.740 You know.

00:38:33.040 If they clear the throat.

00:38:34.300 I'm out.

00:38:36.920 Well yeah.

00:38:37.440 That's the thing.

00:38:38.160 McDonald's.

00:38:38.540 I mean.

00:38:38.720 Here's the thing.

00:38:39.260 This is a great time for McDonald's.

00:38:40.880 To finally fire up.

00:38:42.880 The.

00:38:44.320 The ice cream machines.

00:38:45.640 All these bitches can't be off.

00:38:47.100 All of them.

00:38:49.440 Can't be off.

00:38:52.640 McDonald's are getting lazy.

00:38:53.880 They fighting at Popeye's.

00:38:56.160 Chick-fil-a man.

00:38:57.140 They got peace.

00:38:57.840 But every now and then.

00:38:58.680 Somebody gets choked out over there.

00:39:00.260 Angry about the Lord.

00:39:02.780 Bro.

00:39:03.120 I'm telling you.

00:39:03.820 It's all turning into the WWE.

00:39:08.500 And it's beautiful.

00:39:11.920 It's beautiful.

00:39:15.400 You're going to have.

00:39:16.180 Everybody.

00:39:16.720 Next thing you know.

00:39:17.420 It's going to be.

00:39:18.580 You know.

00:39:19.480 Krusty the crab.

00:39:20.400 Is going to be running for office.

00:39:22.840 You're going to have.

00:39:25.160 Someone's going to give birth.

00:39:26.120 To a damn watermelon.

00:39:27.520 It's all merging.

00:39:31.560 This is it.

00:39:32.400 This is the time.

00:39:35.200 This is the time.

00:39:36.180 For somebody to just.

00:39:37.240 Pull a damn.

00:39:37.840 Reach into your.

00:39:38.600 Reach into your.

00:39:40.300 You can.

00:39:42.460 This is the time.

00:39:43.480 I mean.

00:39:43.600 You can.

00:39:43.920 There's all kind of stuff.

00:39:45.780 Anything.

00:39:46.920 Do what.

00:39:47.280 Somebody do a backflip.

00:39:48.340 Off a damn Wendy's.

00:39:50.320 Kids are learning.

00:39:51.620 Baseball.

00:39:52.020 On slanted fields.

00:39:54.920 Okay.

00:39:55.320 It's a new era.

00:39:57.840 Where anything.

00:39:59.080 Is possible.

00:40:02.760 And we got it.

00:40:04.220 And I'm happy to be here.

00:40:05.340 With you doing it.

00:40:06.000 All right.

00:40:06.280 Let's take another call.

00:40:07.260 Good luck out there.

00:40:08.080 Man.

00:40:08.260 I'm going to tell them.

00:40:09.500 I'm going to threaten.

00:40:10.080 That district manager.

00:40:11.100 I'm going to hit them.

00:40:11.460 With that slide.

00:40:12.280 Into your DM.

00:40:13.900 Okay.

00:40:15.480 Because I know.

00:40:16.380 They got that Sunday.

00:40:17.840 Superintendent.

00:40:18.780 And he's.

00:40:19.720 He knows.

00:40:20.420 The ice cream switch.

00:40:23.000 And I roll up.

00:40:24.020 Every time.

00:40:24.360 It's that damn witching hour.

00:40:26.000 Oh.

00:40:26.240 It's broke.

00:40:27.820 Oh.

00:40:28.180 We can't get it to.

00:40:29.940 Turn it on.

00:40:31.000 Jack.

00:40:32.180 Okay.

00:40:33.360 Oh.

00:40:33.740 I'm sorry.

00:40:34.180 Sir.

00:40:34.480 We out of the.

00:40:36.100 Oh.

00:40:36.680 Okay.

00:40:37.260 We.

00:40:37.520 The.

00:40:39.000 Turn it on.

00:40:40.100 I want the sundae.

00:40:42.860 And I want the little sack of nutty nuts with it.

00:40:45.680 Okay.

00:40:46.820 Them little freaking little bitty.

00:40:48.960 Damn.

00:40:49.400 Look like you could barely get them stuck in your teeth.

00:40:51.480 Them little nut nuggets.

00:40:53.620 I want the.

00:40:54.660 I want two packs of them bitches.

00:40:58.020 And I want it all.

00:40:59.880 Or nothing at all.

00:41:02.320 Turn on the sundae maker.

00:41:03.720 Y'all in there laughing thinking you just all you're going to make all night is little cheeseburgers and this and that.

00:41:11.800 I want six happy meals boy.

00:41:14.260 I want a fucking.

00:41:15.020 I know what y'all doing in there.

00:41:17.080 Y'all back there hiding fucking eating them nighttime McGriddles being risky.

00:41:22.080 Well look here grimace the menace.

00:41:24.480 Turn it on.

00:41:26.960 Turn on the sundae maker.

00:41:28.520 People driving across town to get a damn sweet, cold, frozen, icy, nighttime, cupped snack.

00:41:41.000 And you got the audacity to just.

00:41:43.620 I don't.

00:41:44.300 We.

00:41:44.620 Oh.

00:41:45.080 Oh.

00:41:46.820 It's.

00:41:47.440 I'm sorry to tell you.

00:41:48.280 But.

00:41:48.660 No.

00:41:49.980 I'm sorry to tell you.

00:41:51.540 But I'll draw a Popeye's chicken sandwich on the wall of this fragging McDaniels.

00:42:01.540 And raise straight H-E-L-L.

00:42:07.840 Gang bruh.

00:42:09.720 Turn it on.

00:42:12.880 I'm sorry man.

00:42:14.180 That shit makes me mad boy.

00:42:18.460 It makes me mad.

00:42:21.540 So that's that first call right there.

00:42:25.640 And that's the truth.

00:42:26.740 If you want the facts.

00:42:27.820 You threaten that district manager.

00:42:30.260 I'm about to slide into your DM alright.

00:42:33.160 Gang.

00:42:34.220 Let's go.

00:42:34.980 Right here we got another call.

00:42:36.100 As always.

00:42:36.920 985-664-9503.

00:42:42.740 Yo, Phil.

00:42:43.900 This is Gary from Pennsylvania.

00:42:46.240 What's up Gary?

00:42:47.840 Oh hey Gary.

00:42:49.060 Hey Gary.

00:42:50.580 Hey.

00:42:51.540 Hey Gary.

00:42:53.340 Hey Gary.

00:42:54.860 You know I thought when I was young.

00:42:56.440 I thought my name was Gary for a little while.

00:42:58.540 Because somebody lied to me.

00:42:59.480 But I told myself.

00:43:00.440 I forgot that it was me that had told myself that.

00:43:02.760 Isn't that crazy?

00:43:04.320 Let's hear more.

00:43:05.560 Gang gang.

00:43:06.840 You know I just.

00:43:07.720 I'm listening to your.

00:43:08.720 One of your latest podcasts.

00:43:10.280 And some dude called about.

00:43:12.720 El Chapo.

00:43:14.680 Being down in the Sinaloa.

00:43:16.180 You know.

00:43:16.840 Down there with the Sinaloa cartel.

00:43:18.180 Oh yeah.

00:43:19.060 That's down there with that animal sanctuary I was trying to get in with.

00:43:22.200 And I haven't heard from that guy.

00:43:24.340 I mean that's the only thing.

00:43:25.460 I'm not going to invest if I can't even get a text back from the guy.

00:43:28.200 I hope he's alright.

00:43:28.820 Onward.

00:43:29.720 And I have to agree with him man.

00:43:31.200 I don't think this is a good investment.

00:43:32.860 Just the last few weeks.

00:43:34.880 El Chapo's son was kidnapped.

00:43:36.700 And his whole cartel is trying to set the whole city on fire.

00:43:40.060 You know.

00:43:40.400 Obviously you know I'm not an investment or anything.

00:43:42.900 But I would recommend against it.

00:43:44.540 You know as a civilian.

00:43:46.620 Well look man.

00:43:47.740 I feel you.

00:43:48.380 Thank you.

00:43:49.160 I want to say that.

00:43:49.880 Thank you very much.

00:43:51.400 The only thing.

00:43:52.300 I'm thinking.

00:43:52.820 Look if they're burning.

00:43:54.380 If they're burning property.

00:43:57.120 You know what's running out of the fire.

00:43:59.900 Animales.

00:44:01.320 Okay.

00:44:02.700 Penguins.

00:44:05.100 Giraffes.

00:44:06.600 Burros.

00:44:09.000 Parats.

00:44:10.400 Falcons.

00:44:13.800 Perros.

00:44:14.680 Gatos.

00:44:16.360 Pescados.

00:44:21.020 Armadillos.

00:44:23.940 So I'm talking about getting free.

00:44:27.260 I'm talking about getting.

00:44:28.540 You know.

00:44:28.820 Stocking up my warehouse for free.

00:44:30.180 If they're burning it down.

00:44:32.320 So you got to think reverse psychology.

00:44:33.940 Sometimes when it comes to an investment.

00:44:36.920 But.

00:44:38.800 But I appreciate it man.

00:44:39.820 Let's hear a little bit more.

00:44:40.580 I didn't mean to shut you off there brother.

00:44:42.060 But I just don't want to see you get screwed over.

00:44:44.600 And that shit is on fire down there.

00:44:46.780 But.

00:44:48.220 Yeah.

00:44:48.640 But fire.

00:44:49.160 I mean here's the thing dude.

00:44:50.780 After fire comes a lot of beauty.

00:44:52.700 Think about the big bang theory.

00:44:58.660 Think about that.

00:45:01.380 Think about that.

00:45:02.760 Song fire on the mountain.

00:45:06.460 You get a mountain.

00:45:08.800 Think about.

00:45:09.640 Let's hear more from you.

00:45:13.660 I'm out of ideas on it.

00:45:16.360 I think you do better.

00:45:17.760 And it doesn't look really good.

00:45:19.700 Like people.

00:45:20.200 I'm not even trying to.

00:45:21.100 They're not even trying to go outside.

00:45:22.740 Recently.

00:45:23.380 So.

00:45:24.860 Just be careful when you do that.

00:45:27.020 Gang bro.

00:45:28.080 Muchas gracias senora.

00:45:29.180 And I do appreciate that.

00:45:30.220 It's very sweet of you to call.

00:45:31.240 Especially.

00:45:32.420 You know.

00:45:32.940 Probably having a little bit more of an intel.

00:45:35.640 To the.

00:45:37.900 To the deal.

00:45:39.780 Yeah.

00:45:40.060 It's $4,500 to get in on a zoo down there.

00:45:44.680 And here's the tempting thing.

00:45:47.700 I've always wanted to own a zoo.

00:45:49.060 I don't think there's a man out there.

00:45:52.600 That doesn't want to have a.

00:45:53.840 That have a little bit of Tarzan in their nuts.

00:45:58.420 You know.

00:45:58.920 You lift up my arm.

00:45:59.820 You just hear.

00:46:01.660 You know.

00:46:02.400 Everybody's got that thing.

00:46:03.540 That beast in them.

00:46:05.580 I got that beast infection.

00:46:10.260 And you know.

00:46:11.100 Just thinking about.

00:46:12.100 Just being at night.

00:46:12.980 And just having a unicorn outside.

00:46:14.700 Or not a unicorn.

00:46:15.260 But having a.

00:46:17.200 You know.

00:46:17.560 A.

00:46:19.060 You know.

00:46:21.680 An exotic horse with nice hair.

00:46:23.780 Think about that.

00:46:26.060 Imagine a horse.

00:46:27.040 That's just fucking been cornrowed.

00:46:28.540 Its whole body.

00:46:31.020 Nobody's doing that.

00:46:31.920 That's what we do with the Mexican Zoo.

00:46:34.680 El Zoológico.

00:46:36.420 De Mexico.

00:46:39.420 So I'm saying $4,500 to get in on a.

00:46:43.280 You know.

00:46:43.920 On a Sinaloa Zoo.

00:46:45.420 That's.

00:46:46.160 It sounds.

00:46:46.920 It doesn't sound like much.

00:46:51.100 You know what I'm saying.

00:46:51.700 You're talking about some real serious animals.

00:46:54.700 You're talking about a.

00:46:56.320 South American Eagle.

00:46:58.100 Think about that bitch boy.

00:47:00.760 You know what I'm saying dude.

00:47:02.740 He's going to be bald.

00:47:03.740 He's going to have tattoos.

00:47:06.560 Bro.

00:47:06.960 He's going to have.

00:47:07.540 One of his claws real sharp.

00:47:08.920 I'm just saying man.

00:47:13.120 You're going to have some really exotic animals.

00:47:15.420 At that zoo.

00:47:17.920 You're going to have a giraffe dude.

00:47:19.580 Maybe in a.

00:47:21.240 But he got all kind of neck tats.

00:47:23.180 Think about that.

00:47:25.060 MS-13.

00:47:26.060 MS-14.

00:47:26.880 MS-15.

00:47:27.640 MS-16.

00:47:28.960 And all the way on through.

00:47:30.100 You know.

00:47:30.260 Until he graduated high school.

00:47:31.380 So there's just.

00:47:33.600 The possibilities are.

00:47:35.840 Endless.

00:47:36.400 On the type of animals.

00:47:37.160 You could have in a Mexican zoo.

00:47:39.940 So you have to think about it all.

00:47:42.020 I appreciate you though brother.

00:47:44.620 And thank you man.

00:47:45.680 Thanks for calling in.

00:47:46.940 It's nice of you.

00:47:49.100 All right.

00:47:49.560 Let's take a call.

00:47:50.340 A question actually.

00:47:51.240 Patreon.

00:47:51.660 Matt Nichols.

00:47:56.640 Where is Raising Cane's.

00:47:58.300 On the Popeyes Chick-fil-A continuum.

00:48:01.200 You ever flirted with a Zaxby's.

00:48:04.640 And I have.

00:48:05.640 I've had a little bit of Zaxby's over there.

00:48:07.300 That's out of.

00:48:07.740 I think.

00:48:08.100 I don't know if it's out of Nashville.

00:48:10.200 But it's their version of a Popeyes.

00:48:12.360 Or it's chicken fingers.

00:48:15.080 And when I was young.

00:48:16.300 You had to go get.

00:48:16.980 The shit was on the bone.

00:48:19.560 These.

00:48:20.100 You know.

00:48:20.540 These youngsters.

00:48:21.520 They got it so easy.

00:48:22.600 With the chicken fingers.

00:48:25.740 Well you know.

00:48:26.840 Safe chicken.

00:48:27.760 That's really what that is.

00:48:29.440 Dude.

00:48:29.600 When I was young.

00:48:30.260 You had to take a risk on.

00:48:31.360 You don't know what that was.

00:48:33.180 You could be having a femur.

00:48:34.540 You could be having a damn.

00:48:36.240 Scapula.

00:48:36.700 You didn't know what was under the breading.

00:48:39.280 But you got chicken.

00:48:40.560 And you got bone.

00:48:41.920 Guaranteed.

00:48:43.360 And you had to get through that shit.

00:48:44.920 You still had to get a little.

00:48:46.480 Frickin.

00:48:47.920 You had to get fucking immortal.

00:48:49.280 With that shit.

00:48:50.400 Yeah.

00:48:50.920 And it.

00:48:52.800 And now.

00:48:53.460 You know.

00:48:53.800 You can just.

00:48:54.340 Now.

00:48:54.880 You don't even have.

00:48:55.300 You could fall asleep.

00:48:56.460 With two chicken fingers in your mouth.

00:48:57.760 You wake up fine.

00:48:59.720 Weak.

00:49:01.280 Back in the day.

00:49:02.200 You had to.

00:49:03.360 Take a chance.

00:49:04.240 Every time.

00:49:05.180 You got the chicken.

00:49:06.920 You had to take a damn.

00:49:08.000 A chicken chance.

00:49:09.440 And they got these easy ass buckets.

00:49:13.640 Make it through a fucking five piece.

00:49:16.440 You got it.

00:49:17.040 You drinking a 40 right there.

00:49:18.620 Maybe you got a freaking couple.

00:49:20.220 You know.

00:49:20.620 You doing half a gram with your cousin.

00:49:22.480 And y'all fucking trying to.

00:49:23.900 Get through a five piece.

00:49:25.240 With bones.

00:49:26.040 Now we talking teamwork son.

00:49:31.840 Now we talking real men.

00:49:34.720 What are we talking about here?

00:49:35.700 Let's take this call.

00:49:36.400 Here we go.

00:49:37.140 Yo Theo.

00:49:38.000 It's Chuck.

00:49:38.600 From Mississippi.

00:49:39.880 Big Chuck.

00:49:41.020 Oh wait.

00:49:41.560 Sorry.

00:49:41.840 I forgot this question.

00:49:42.840 I'll say this about Raising Cane's.

00:49:46.600 And I believe it's.

00:49:48.100 I want to say it's a Louisiana company.

00:49:51.900 Raising Cane's.

00:49:53.480 I like their chicken fingers if you go.

00:49:57.220 I like the toast.

00:49:59.940 They got the toast boy.

00:50:02.540 Dude.

00:50:03.500 When I die.

00:50:04.660 Bury me inside some of that toast.

00:50:07.560 They got that toast.

00:50:10.260 Sometimes the toast tastes better than the damn chicken.

00:50:13.520 I'm like what's in the.

00:50:14.760 What's in the toast.

00:50:16.180 Better chicken.

00:50:17.980 It's good.

00:50:21.360 So.

00:50:22.340 Here's the thing.

00:50:23.700 If you get a mass order.

00:50:25.640 This is when they fail.

00:50:26.800 They all fail I find.

00:50:28.180 When you get a mass order.

00:50:30.460 You get 200 of those fingers.

00:50:33.320 And them bitches show up drooping.

00:50:36.040 Them bitches looking like they got arthritis in there.

00:50:39.200 My buddy found a fucking middle.

00:50:40.600 A real middle finger.

00:50:41.860 And a whole thing of fingers.

00:50:43.740 And damn it.

00:50:44.780 And that's fucking just good luck.

00:50:46.500 That's almost Irish.

00:50:48.700 That's almost Scottish.

00:50:51.100 But yeah.

00:50:51.760 You got to really.

00:50:53.880 You got to really.

00:50:55.420 Want it.

00:50:56.840 To order that 200 piece.

00:50:58.760 And they get.

00:50:59.680 They just don't do them as well.

00:51:02.140 And that's everything.

00:51:03.260 It gets to be a lot.

00:51:04.220 It's the.

00:51:04.600 The.

00:51:04.800 The.

00:51:05.700 The consistency isn't as valuable.

00:51:08.140 To the creator.

00:51:10.720 You know.

00:51:11.220 The first piece you get.

00:51:12.360 That's that work art.

00:51:14.760 And after that.

00:51:15.860 It's that work of effort.

00:51:16.940 And that's where.

00:51:22.780 Where things fall apart sometimes.

00:51:24.420 Is when you get away from the work of art.

00:51:27.320 And you.

00:51:27.980 And things become a work of effort.

00:51:30.280 And that's what I find.

00:51:32.120 But I go.

00:51:33.000 Honestly.

00:51:33.220 If I had to really rank them out.

00:51:36.980 And Popeye's.

00:51:37.860 The biscuits are so good.

00:51:40.020 I wouldn't get.

00:51:41.080 I mean.

00:51:41.320 Just regular biscuits.

00:51:42.080 I don't care if they got chicken in them or not.

00:51:45.460 I like a sausage biscuit from.

00:51:48.180 McDaniels over there.

00:51:50.240 And they got them.

00:51:51.300 It do it in the morning.

00:51:52.200 I take the sausage off.

00:51:53.520 Put it on the side.

00:51:55.140 I jelly each side of the biscuit.

00:51:58.500 Then I have that sausage on the side.

00:52:00.240 Like a little steak.

00:52:00.940 Like a little baby morning steak.

00:52:04.020 And I'll cut into that first biscuit.

00:52:05.900 And have that bitch.

00:52:06.940 You know.

00:52:07.700 Because that's almost like a little freaking pie.

00:52:09.560 When you look at it.

00:52:10.700 And especially if you.

00:52:12.080 You know.

00:52:12.600 Kind of crimp the edges of it.

00:52:13.960 With your fingers.

00:52:14.500 Like a pie is.

00:52:16.540 And then I'll have a little bit of that steak.

00:52:18.320 That freaking morning steak.

00:52:20.140 And then I'll finish off with that fucking baby dessert.

00:52:22.740 The second half of that.

00:52:24.320 Biscuit.

00:52:26.220 But that's.

00:52:27.000 You know.

00:52:27.320 For me.

00:52:27.640 That happens in the airport a lot.

00:52:28.880 I'll get that hitter.

00:52:31.240 But yeah.

00:52:31.840 I'll do a Zaxby's.

00:52:32.700 I haven't had enough Zaxby's.

00:52:34.220 But I'm willing to do more.

00:52:37.800 And.

00:52:39.100 Um.

00:52:42.060 But Popeye's man.

00:52:43.480 That's the one.

00:52:44.040 If you're going to get murdered bro.

00:52:45.160 Go to Popeye's.

00:52:46.000 That's the one you want to die at.

00:52:47.820 I ain't fucking dying outside of a Burger King bro.

00:52:51.180 You can miss me with that shit.

00:52:52.840 Oh man.

00:52:56.440 Here we go.

00:52:56.880 We got another call that came in.

00:52:58.360 Onward.

00:52:58.700 Oh wait.

00:52:59.240 Uh.

00:52:59.960 Here we go.

00:53:00.940 Yo Theo.

00:53:01.760 It's Chuck.

00:53:02.380 From Mississippi.

00:53:03.700 Uh.

00:53:04.680 Taxidermy buddy.

00:53:05.620 Listen.

00:53:05.900 I was just thinking about your little zoo project.

00:53:08.420 What's up Chuck?

00:53:10.060 Dude.

00:53:10.500 Yeah.

00:53:10.940 Chuck man.

00:53:11.620 What's going on?

00:53:13.040 Oh you're calling about the zoo too?

00:53:14.480 Chuck sent me a whole bunch of beautiful thing of meat.

00:53:16.720 Elk and everything.

00:53:17.860 Elk.

00:53:18.820 Um.

00:53:20.180 Shit.

00:53:20.620 I don't know what all is in there dude.

00:53:21.980 I've had a couple pieces of it.

00:53:23.300 It is tangy.

00:53:25.220 Let's hear more.

00:53:26.220 Thanks Chuck.

00:53:27.500 I think it's a winner dude.

00:53:28.900 You get that zoo.

00:53:29.980 I'll come out.

00:53:30.860 I'll do the taxidermy hitter on those animals.

00:53:33.360 You won't even have to feed them no more man.

00:53:35.120 People just come.

00:53:36.280 Have them nice.

00:53:37.080 All posed up.

00:53:38.440 Listen.

00:53:38.900 I think it's a winner.

00:53:39.660 I'm going to go ahead and order some materials.

00:53:41.120 You get at me.

00:53:41.560 You got my number brother.

00:53:42.580 Oh.

00:53:42.900 Hold on.

00:53:45.260 Dude.

00:53:45.680 We don't have the funds for materials yet man.

00:53:47.860 We still dealing with the preliminary ordeals.

00:53:52.060 We're still dealing with the first you know potential ordeals brother.

00:53:57.280 And you got to make it through potential ordeals baby before you get into the secondary level.

00:54:02.420 Which is what you're trying to be at.

00:54:06.320 But I don't.

00:54:06.980 That's not a bad idea.

00:54:07.900 Maybe taxidermy zoo.

00:54:10.400 In Mexico.

00:54:12.140 Like almost.

00:54:13.400 Like a Ripley's believe it or not.

00:54:15.300 But for animals.

00:54:17.860 And dude.

00:54:18.660 Some of the animals could even have a gunshot or something in them.

00:54:23.520 You know.

00:54:24.020 You see a fucking large mouth bass out there with two fucking slugs under its fin.

00:54:27.840 You're like damn.

00:54:31.800 There's more than one way.

00:54:34.220 To cook a fish.

00:54:36.180 Gang brother.

00:54:36.760 Thanks for calling Chuck.

00:54:37.540 Man.

00:54:37.660 I miss you dog.

00:54:38.280 I'll text you.

00:54:39.200 Thanks for the.

00:54:40.840 That beautiful amount of meat you sent me.

00:54:42.800 Sheer God.

00:54:44.700 If it was you.

00:54:45.380 I think it was you that sent it man.

00:54:46.520 Thank you very much.

00:54:48.320 So me and Chuck.

00:54:49.280 What did we do?

00:54:49.660 One day we went and did something.

00:54:50.880 We was in Louisiana.

00:54:53.640 Man.

00:54:54.160 I feel bad man.

00:54:55.000 My brain just.

00:54:56.880 It's not holding.

00:54:58.340 As much water as it did.

00:55:01.640 Might take next week off.

00:55:02.900 Might take next week off.

00:55:04.180 So if there's not an episode.

00:55:05.240 Just know that.

00:55:06.560 It's nothing personal.

00:55:09.000 Just trying to.

00:55:12.180 Relax man.

00:55:14.260 Trying to relax.

00:55:16.520 Let's take another call.

00:55:19.640 Here we go.

00:55:20.380 Actually.

00:55:20.800 I got to tell you about this right here.

00:55:23.140 And you got to know it.

00:55:24.400 And that is that hiring.

00:55:26.980 Hiring can be a slow process.

00:55:30.020 Cafe Altura's COO Dylan Miskiewicz.

00:55:33.420 Miskiewicz.

00:55:34.420 Needed to hire a director of coffee.

00:55:36.520 For his organic coffee company.

00:55:38.820 But he was having trouble finding qualified applicants.

00:55:42.060 So he switched to zip recruiter.

00:55:43.880 Zip recruiter doesn't depend on candidates finding you.

00:55:48.480 It finds them for you.

00:55:51.000 It's technology identifies people with the right experience.

00:55:54.880 And invites them to apply to your job.

00:55:58.380 So you get qualified candidates immediately.

00:56:00.520 You need these candidates.

00:56:02.300 You can't give a job to somebody that's not a candidate.

00:56:05.260 You walk up to somebody on the street and say.

00:56:07.220 Hey we need you right now in the courtroom.

00:56:09.300 And they're like.

00:56:10.040 Bitch I'm a fucking electrician.

00:56:12.400 You can't do it like that.

00:56:15.180 Dylan posted his job on zip recruiter.

00:56:17.640 And said he was impressed by how quickly he had great candidates apply.

00:56:22.720 He also used zip recruiters candidate rating feature to filter his applicants.

00:56:27.680 So get rid of those.

00:56:28.680 You know what I'm saying.

00:56:29.160 You looking for somebody to do lawn care.

00:56:32.340 And you know.

00:56:32.960 This dude said he does breastfeed in the long way.

00:56:36.040 You could filter him out immediately.

00:56:39.700 And that's how Dylan found his new director of coffee in just a few days.

00:56:43.880 With results like that.

00:56:45.120 It's no wonder four out of five employers.

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00:57:11.480 The smartest way to hire.

00:57:16.560 Oh man.

00:57:18.120 That's beautiful.

00:57:20.220 And this.

00:57:21.460 I got to let you know that.

00:57:23.460 My sister doesn't even know this.

00:57:24.880 What she's getting for Christmas.

00:57:27.040 And I need some of this.

00:57:28.340 Maybe instead of tying my legs off.

00:57:29.920 You get these figs.

00:57:33.680 Nurses, doctors, dentists, and people who work in medicine and healthcare are pretty awesome.

00:57:38.720 We all agree on that.

00:57:41.240 And all of us can think of a time when a medical professional helped us.

00:57:45.360 Or a family member.

00:57:46.620 They're helping.

00:57:47.240 They're helping us.

00:57:48.180 For years, nurses, doctors, dentists, and other awesome medical professionals were forced to wear scratchy, ill-fitting scrubs.

00:57:58.600 If you look at old pictures, you'll see them in burlap out there.

00:58:01.340 Sometimes even just rope wrapped around their body.

00:58:03.700 While they're trying to put a, uh, put an IV or, you know, tie off a colostomy.

00:58:10.180 Not only were they ugly and uncomfortable, but they weren't designed with innovative technical properties to protect you and hold life-saving tools.

00:58:18.940 Figs cares also.

00:58:20.500 Every time you shop at Figs, they give scrubs to a healthcare provider in need around the world through their Threads for Threads initiative.

00:58:27.740 Figs gift cards are available.

00:58:28.920 So next time you're a friend who's a doctor, nurse, dentist, dermatologist, pediatrician, or some, just somebody who likes some damn role play.

00:58:37.720 At least look like you have a job during sex.

00:58:41.060 Tell them thank you by sending them Figs.

00:58:44.360 So if you're an awesome human that works in healthcare, someone that wants to say thanks to these deserving folks,

00:58:49.480 Figs is going to make that easy by providing you with 15% off your first purchase by using my code T-H-E-O.

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00:59:07.440 My sister will be getting those.

00:59:10.840 Rolanda.

00:59:12.020 That's my sister's name and she's going to get those for, uh, Christmas.

00:59:17.560 Or she's getting a couple of free passes to that Sinaloan Zoo, dog.

00:59:24.200 You know what I'm saying?

00:59:25.200 Somebody needs to teach an antelope how to use an AK.

00:59:27.800 Boy, shit's popping off down there.

00:59:30.860 Um, let's get into, let's take one more call and then maybe we'll get Nick in and go over some news.

00:59:40.000 Uh, here we go.

00:59:41.000 Hey Theo, my name is Elle.

00:59:43.840 I live in the Los Angeles area.

00:59:46.380 Hey Elle, thank you for calling.

00:59:48.320 And that's what, these days people have a simple name, Elle, R.

00:59:53.620 You know?

00:59:55.060 M.

00:59:56.400 Onward?

00:59:56.760 Um, so I've been doing improv the last two years and, um, there was this guy that I noticed

01:00:05.960 in another class and I, I immediately loved him and I thought he was attractive.

01:00:12.720 And, uh, eventually I started my own sketch group and I did invite this person.

01:00:19.880 Um, you know, he's funny, but I also, you know, love him.

01:00:24.280 Um, yeah, you got sex on the head.

01:00:26.420 You got it.

01:00:27.420 You got a sex head, uh, little lady.

01:00:29.720 More?

01:00:30.740 I found out later that he does have a girlfriend and it's every week and each week it gets a

01:00:37.680 little bit harder to be around him because, you know, I really, um, I really like him.

01:00:43.680 And, uh, so, um, if you have any advice, please let me know.

01:00:48.400 Love you.

01:00:48.900 Thank you.

01:00:49.320 Well, it's beautiful that you, uh, that you care about somebody.

01:00:56.520 That's good.

01:00:57.720 It's nice that you do that.

01:00:59.180 Some people don't ever care about anybody.

01:01:01.140 They walk, somebody would be on fire.

01:01:02.680 They walk right past them having a soda and just keep drinking a soda.

01:01:06.480 Bitch, put them out.

01:01:07.600 That's a damn, dude, a half of Dr. Pepper will save somebody probably from the waist down.

01:01:11.500 Um, but, uh, so what I'm saying is that, yeah, I mean, that kind of sucks because you invited

01:01:20.840 him in and now you got him there.

01:01:23.840 You know what I'm saying?

01:01:24.700 If you bring the cat to the cradle, you can't, you're going to have to hear a meow whether you

01:01:30.540 guys are fucking or not or doing sex or not.

01:01:32.720 But, um, I think you just gotta be, cause at this point, if he was interested in being

01:01:43.340 not, you know, getting, you know, if he was interested in really playing two hand touch

01:01:49.300 without any hands and just with penis and everything, but then he would, he would be

01:01:54.760 yelling it, you know, and I've, I've been a dirt ball, so I don't really, you know, I

01:02:04.060 know if he were really interested, he would probably have been on it.

01:02:06.700 And if you got him in there every week, you throwing it at him, you know, the improv and

01:02:11.480 you telling him, Oh, why don't you come over here?

01:02:13.260 And, you know, you know, pretend my, uh, you know, pretend my butt's on fire and you're

01:02:18.860 a jouster.

01:02:20.060 And he's like, well, how does that make any sense?

01:02:21.720 It's like, Oh, you just come on and you'll see, run in, run in with your jouster.

01:02:27.260 Um, yeah, I don't know.

01:02:30.100 I really can't help that situation.

01:02:31.920 That's, you know, it's just, you're, it just kind of sucks, kind of sucks there because

01:02:39.680 fuck dude.

01:02:41.580 So many times you invite people to do something, you want to have sex with them, they don't.

01:02:46.520 And you just can't have sex with them.

01:02:48.180 It's illegal to continue to try to do it.

01:02:49.940 I mean, you can try, but you know, you can't, there's no way to make it happen, you know,

01:02:57.460 without magic or doing something real.

01:03:02.140 I mean, here's the thing, man, my stepdad, you know, it's not my real stepdad, but there's

01:03:07.380 a, this family, I, I got a, you know, emancipated when I was young and I went and live with a

01:03:11.400 family in high school.

01:03:12.380 And, and the man is kind of like my stepdad and I call him that anyway, cause it just

01:03:17.560 is more comfortable.

01:03:19.280 But he told me when he was in, I don't know when he was in something alive, when he was

01:03:25.720 alive and younger that he went to, he had a girlfriend and she got, they broke up and

01:03:31.200 then she got engaged.

01:03:32.300 Like a couple months, like maybe six, eight months, a year later.

01:03:36.660 And one night he was drinking and he just thought he was still in love with her.

01:03:39.920 He went over to her house and proposed.

01:03:43.760 He said, Hey, look, I still love you.

01:03:45.440 And this, I'm the right guy for you.

01:03:46.920 And she said, she said, no.

01:03:48.900 So, and he said he was happy because the next day he realized that he was just drunk.

01:03:54.460 But, uh, so anyway, what I'm saying is it's okay to take your chances.

01:03:59.460 It's okay to put the feelers out there, but if, if they're really in love and they got a

01:04:03.540 happy deal going on, you know, you don't want to, you know, you don't want to, you know,

01:04:10.520 piss loudly into a baby's crib.

01:04:12.320 Um, so, but good luck out there and, uh, and thanks for helping.

01:04:18.100 I wish I could help.

01:04:18.980 I can't help.

01:04:20.420 I cannot help.

01:04:22.300 Uh, let's get Nick in here real quick, man.

01:04:24.080 I got to hit a meeting, but thank you guys so much for being here.

01:04:28.340 Uh, we're going to do some news with Nick and then we will, and then we'll get to the

01:04:34.580 end.

01:04:35.900 Um, and, uh, and that's it.

01:04:40.860 Yeah, that's it.

01:04:44.900 All right.

01:04:47.820 We got the news here.

01:04:48.880 Nick, what's up, man?

01:04:49.940 What's going on, man?

01:04:50.960 How are you doing?

01:04:51.720 I'm doing all right, bro.

01:04:52.880 Thank you for asking.

01:04:54.100 You, um, you had a good weekend.

01:04:55.840 I heard you say earlier when I came in, what was up?

01:04:57.800 Yeah, it was fun.

01:04:58.600 Uh, Friday, just met up with some friends and, uh, played tennis for a couple hours and

01:05:03.280 then we went out to the bars after.

01:05:05.240 And, uh, Saturday, just, uh, watched the UFC and then I went to the concert or went to a

01:05:10.500 concert with, uh, the girl that I went to the Logan Paul fight with.

01:05:13.660 Oh.

01:05:14.400 Yeah, yeah.

01:05:15.020 A second round, huh?

01:05:16.440 Yep, yep.

01:05:17.220 Uh, saw Lee Fields, this old soul singer.

01:05:19.560 He's like kind of James Brown-esque at, uh, Museum of Contemporary Art and, yeah, solid

01:05:24.840 weekend all around.

01:05:26.180 Dang, dude.

01:05:27.200 Getting gambled.

01:05:28.360 Gambling went really well.

01:05:30.140 Yeah, that's what you, you said you hit a four, four hit, four hit, uh, thing, parlay?

01:05:34.820 Yeah, four hit parlay.

01:05:35.740 It was, yeah, 50 to win 500, not bad.

01:05:38.720 Ten times return, I'll take it.

01:05:40.680 Damn, he'll take it.

01:05:43.000 He'll take it, man.

01:05:43.920 What do we got for the news, dude?

01:05:45.040 That second date, though, how was that?

01:05:46.780 Uh, it was good.

01:05:47.560 It was, it was, it was chill.

01:05:48.760 It's very easy.

01:05:49.440 She's fun.

01:05:50.300 Wow.

01:05:50.760 Yeah, yeah.

01:05:51.540 Let me try and guess her name.

01:05:53.000 Can I guess her first name?

01:05:54.100 Uh, I doubt it, but.

01:05:55.580 Okay.

01:05:56.160 That's kind of a hint.

01:05:57.340 Um, that is true, huh?

01:05:58.680 Uh, I'm gonna say, um, um, fuck, man.

01:06:08.640 I can't think of a good one.

01:06:11.260 Uh, I'm not gonna worry about it.

01:06:13.220 Let's just get into the news, man.

01:06:14.240 Sounds good.

01:06:14.820 Sounds good.

01:06:15.720 Uh, first news topic, uh, Thursday night, uh, from the fallout, Miles Garrett, the, uh, Cleveland

01:06:23.180 Browns linebacker is suspended for the rest of the season.

01:06:26.080 And, and, and definitely after that, after ripping off Mason Rudolph's helmet and then

01:06:30.180 hitting him with it at, uh, during a skirmish at the end of the game, uh, did you see this?

01:06:36.020 Yep.

01:06:36.900 I saw it, man.

01:06:37.840 I, it was, you know, I just thought it was guys being guys out there.

01:06:43.480 I really thought it was like, oh, it definitely was out of hand.

01:06:46.540 Like you can't, it's not fair that he gets a weapon and he doesn't get a weapon.

01:06:50.980 It's true.

01:06:51.640 I think they should, you know, have them do a, you know, have the guy have a chance to

01:06:55.000 have a shield or, you know, some other, let's play a fifth quarter.

01:06:59.200 These, I think what they want is a fifth quarter.

01:07:01.540 That would have been nice.

01:07:02.380 That would have been nice.

01:07:03.720 Um, four, four guys from each team out there with a helmet and a shield, dude, and see who

01:07:08.500 wins it.

01:07:09.500 I was also amazed that not that many people came to everybody's rescue.

01:07:12.460 It seemed like.

01:07:13.280 Yeah.

01:07:13.600 Except, uh, Marquis Pouncey, he, the center for the Pittsburgh, he was the one, he like

01:07:18.180 went straight hood.

01:07:19.280 He was punching and kicking Miles Garrett in the head.

01:07:21.880 Once they had him subdued to the ground, it was, it was pretty wild.

01:07:24.720 He got suspended three games.

01:07:27.180 And did Rudolph get suspended or no?

01:07:29.120 No, he didn't.

01:07:30.420 Um, and Rudolph was kind of tickling him by the neck and stuff.

01:07:32.900 Did you see that?

01:07:33.720 Yeah.

01:07:34.120 Uh, OJ Simpson also saw it and he really thought, uh, Mason started it.

01:07:38.800 You want to hear OJ's response?

01:07:39.760 Yes.

01:07:40.880 Look, all I know is this.

01:07:43.900 The minute Mason went after the man's helmet with his foot in his groin, it's on.

01:07:49.940 I'm hearing all these announcers saying, uh, that Garrett should be suspended.

01:07:54.760 Maybe he should.

01:07:56.160 But when a guy's trying to get your helmet off your head and that's where it started,

01:08:01.180 white with his foot in your groin, it's on.

01:08:04.520 Um, I'm just saying, take care.

01:08:09.900 Well, yeah.

01:08:12.860 I mean, look, OJ also will kill somebody.

01:08:15.160 Yeah, I know.

01:08:15.820 So for him, it doesn't take much for it to be on.

01:08:18.820 You know what I'm saying, dude?

01:08:20.160 If you were married to me, it's on, you know?

01:08:24.180 Uh, wow.

01:08:26.060 I, you know what?

01:08:26.720 I, there's something to that.

01:08:27.800 I thought it would have been fair if he got three games.

01:08:30.580 That's what I thought it would have been fair.

01:08:31.900 It seemed like the heat of, the heat of, of, you know, the heat of battle.

01:08:37.320 What'd you think?

01:08:38.600 I thought he was like a complete maniac.

01:08:41.040 And I, I seem like, uh, my guess when it, right when it happened was it was going to

01:08:46.480 be the rest of the season suspension.

01:08:48.320 Um, I mean, Vontaze perfect, uh, perfect.

01:08:50.780 He already got suspended for the season for the Raiders earlier, just for like helmet to

01:08:54.660 helmet hits.

01:08:55.180 And like, I don't know, he's swung that with kind of ill, ill intent.

01:08:59.120 Usually I'm like, let him play, let him fight.

01:09:01.700 Everybody's soft.

01:09:02.540 But he really seemed like he just completely lost control and he needs to be punished.

01:09:07.300 Uh, I'm surprised though.

01:09:08.480 Like a couple of weeks ago, uh, he tweeted about, uh, he was in his car and a fan walked

01:09:13.960 up to him and like acted like they wanted an autograph, but then just hauled off and

01:09:17.700 punched him in the face.

01:09:18.900 And he didn't do any, he didn't react at all in that moment.

01:09:21.780 So I just feel like that fan really caught him on a good day because otherwise he would

01:09:26.620 have been murdered essentially.

01:09:28.000 Yeah.

01:09:29.140 I mean, it's just like maybe, yeah, maybe Rudolph.

01:09:32.800 I don't know.

01:09:33.600 I mean, the, the tough thing too is for Rudolph, it's like, I don't know if that fueled him

01:09:38.620 or didn't fuel him.

01:09:39.620 You know, I guess we'll see when he plays his next game, if it like fired him up or if

01:09:44.120 it's going to like make him more scared.

01:09:45.900 I wonder if that would have any effect when they play each other in two weeks.

01:09:49.500 Ooh, that'll be, that'll be super interesting.

01:09:51.660 Yeah.

01:09:51.860 Uh, yeah, man, it was nice.

01:09:55.820 It was almost like the old days.

01:09:56.840 It was almost like Bill Lambeer was back.

01:09:58.620 Yeah.

01:09:59.040 Yeah.

01:09:59.360 I love, I love the old, uh, late eighties, early nineties basketball fights.

01:10:03.900 There were, there were some classics.

01:10:05.240 Oh yeah.

01:10:06.140 I love that too, man.

01:10:07.820 Yeah.

01:10:08.180 I want that fifth quarter, bro.

01:10:10.200 Yeah.

01:10:10.700 Let it, you know what I'm saying?

01:10:11.840 Let's let it all be out there.

01:10:13.360 Leave it where it is.

01:10:14.400 Like you said, everything's turning into WWE.

01:10:16.480 It's good to get a Royal Rumble.

01:10:17.780 Fifth quarter.

01:10:18.320 Uh, what else we got?

01:10:21.140 Uh, so Colin Kaepernick, he finally got his wish and was able to work out in front of

01:10:25.480 NFL scouts.

01:10:26.840 Uh, his workout on Saturday ended up taking place at a high school in Atlanta.

01:10:31.240 The NFL initially scheduled it for the Atlanta Falcons practice facility, but, uh, there were

01:10:38.220 some back and forth with some statements made from the NFL and Colin Kaepernick side and

01:10:42.720 Kaepernick side said they, uh, NFL was going to deny all media access at the Falcons, but

01:10:48.300 practice facility.

01:10:49.160 So they wanted it to be completely transparent.

01:10:51.720 So everybody could see theoretically how good he did.

01:10:54.900 And, uh, yeah, there's a lot of posturing on both sides.

01:10:57.620 Yeah.

01:10:57.960 It felt like that felt like a lot of posture on both sides.

01:11:01.440 You know, it feels like, you know, he's probably, I don't know if he really feels scorned.

01:11:05.340 Sometimes with him, it's hard to know if he really feels scorned or if he, you know,

01:11:10.680 he's kind of going out of the limelight now.

01:11:12.480 And if, you know, they're trying to find a way to get him back in it and it might not

01:11:17.500 even be him at this point.

01:11:18.580 It could be the, his PR people.

01:11:20.700 It's interesting whenever you get caught up in, you become something that's very public.

01:11:26.280 You have a lot of people chirping in your ear about how you should behave, what you should

01:11:31.260 do.

01:11:32.800 Uh, you know, I really, I wonder, I wish I knew him cause you would have a much better

01:11:37.980 idea of what's really kind of going on.

01:11:41.000 Um, like, did he move it so that he could have every reporter be there so he could get

01:11:45.120 more press or, um, cause he's probably thinking, oh, if it's closed, then nobody will know how

01:11:51.640 good I did.

01:11:52.140 They can say whatever.

01:11:53.860 I don't know.

01:11:55.040 What do you think?

01:11:56.280 Uh, yeah, I'm, I'm just not a huge fan of him.

01:11:59.460 Uh, say what you will about the cause, but I feel like if you sat him down and really asked

01:12:03.780 like, what are you trying to accomplish with this?

01:12:06.140 Like you just get this long drawn out answer and he, he can't really answer it.

01:12:10.560 Like what he's doing this for.

01:12:11.720 I think it's kind of like you, like people have gotten in his ear and he's kind of an

01:12:14.960 empty vessel being just steered in whichever way is going to make the quickest buck.

01:12:19.820 Um, and I also heard, uh, this is complete hearsay, but, uh, from someone who says they

01:12:25.600 know of the situation that like, he didn't really give a fuck about social justice issue

01:12:30.800 issues at all.

01:12:31.820 And then he started dating some girl who was really, uh, active in that type of thing.

01:12:36.540 And that's when he got all about it.

01:12:38.480 I heard that as well.

01:12:39.160 I think I told you that even.

01:12:40.900 Oh, was it you that told me?

01:12:42.160 I think so.

01:12:42.660 I told you a source close with knowledge, close to the situation.

01:12:45.900 Well, that's what I heard.

01:12:47.140 Or we just both heard the same thing.

01:12:49.780 Um, yeah, it makes you wonder cause they got paid out from the NFL.

01:12:54.220 It just makes you wonder.

01:12:55.580 I don't know.

01:12:56.380 I think the NFL gives a lot of opportunity to African-Americans.

01:12:59.400 So I didn't, you know, it's mostly African-Americans.

01:13:01.960 So I didn't see what the, I've never, ever seen what the issue is.

01:13:05.580 And you can't tell me if Lamar Jackson was, it was taking a knee teams would get rid of

01:13:10.740 him.

01:13:10.960 He'd, he'd have, he'd still be a starting quarterback in this league.

01:13:13.800 Like, dude, they should make him take a knee so good, you know, for one quarter.

01:13:17.860 I'm saying, bro, we need to add more quarters, dude.

01:13:20.680 That's the problem.

01:13:21.380 This game's too short.

01:13:22.460 We're up to six.

01:13:23.180 Yeah.

01:13:24.260 Uh, what else we got?

01:13:25.440 Let's see, uh, a Seattle police captain was arrested in an undercover prostitution sting

01:13:31.600 from his own department.

01:13:33.160 Uh, the 52, 53 year old Seattle veteran, uh, police captain Randall Woolery offered $40

01:13:40.060 to an undercover officer who was posing as a prostitute and he was arrested on the spot.

01:13:44.660 Randall.

01:13:45.760 Dude, if you're Randall, bro, you're going down.

01:13:48.220 That's the truth.

01:13:49.720 Name seven fucking Randalls that haven't done something troublesome.

01:13:52.680 Yeah, nobody can bro.

01:13:57.580 Yeah.

01:13:57.980 That's crazy.

01:13:58.740 His own sting.

01:14:00.100 Mm-hmm.

01:14:00.800 His, his own department sting.

01:14:02.420 They were trying to strut down some, uh, sex trafficking.

01:14:05.800 Well.

01:14:06.700 I think he should have been suspicious when it was only $40.

01:14:10.160 I don't know what he was trying to get, but.

01:14:12.220 Yeah.

01:14:13.460 You have more, I think, experience with prostitutes than myself.

01:14:16.620 What's $40 going to get you nowadays?

01:14:18.060 Not much.

01:14:18.260 $40 isn't, man.

01:14:19.600 You're not going to get much at all.

01:14:21.120 Well, for $40, you might as well give that to your buddy, dude, and just tell him something

01:14:25.040 you did, you know.

01:14:26.700 $40, you should have saved the money.

01:14:28.820 You parlay that, you get $500, and then I can get myself.

01:14:32.920 There you go.

01:14:33.960 We might have to talk about gambling more.

01:14:36.800 Let's get one more.

01:14:37.720 All right.

01:14:38.580 Uh, the Gloveless Combat Sports Organization, Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship, has signed

01:14:44.360 social media sensation, Iranian Hulk.

01:14:47.720 Uh, his name is Sajjad Garibi.

01:14:50.080 Mm.

01:14:50.740 Uh, he's a 370 pound bodybuilder, and he's 27 years old.

01:14:55.180 Yeah.

01:14:55.540 And he's been expressing an interest in combat sports for a while, and the announcement

01:14:59.920 finally came during Bare Knuckles' ninth event this past Saturday.

01:15:03.620 Mm.

01:15:05.380 And he really, he has what I've often referred to as desert fat.

01:15:09.660 You know, you get, the Kardashians have it.

01:15:12.780 Kim Kardashian has that, it's almost like very organized kind of fat, it looks like.

01:15:20.040 Like, to me, this gentleman doesn't look like as much muscle as it is more of a gristle,

01:15:23.760 more of a, you know, more of a hard fat.

01:15:27.280 But, and you can, there's, you know, I, I remember I dated a girl for a while that had

01:15:32.700 that hard fat in her, and it's more of a, it feels a little more outdoorsy than more,

01:15:40.240 you get that soft, you know, soft fat, it just feels a little bit more like a, you know,

01:15:47.620 I've said this before, but like a shit diaper.

01:15:49.560 If you feel somebody's shit diaper out from the outside of it, like a baby's after it's full,

01:15:52.900 and if you kind of squeeze it a little, it feels like that, but, um, but yeah, this

01:15:59.460 looks like that hard fat to me.

01:16:01.980 Who, who would this guy fight you to furniture?

01:16:05.520 Yeah, they're looking for other super heavyweights, uh, whatever, it's not going to be very high

01:16:10.160 level, uh, boxing once he does get in there.

01:16:13.920 His, his muscles to me look like that stuff, like you'd see guys, they inject it with something

01:16:18.860 that it, it, I guess, I guess it's hard, hard fat is what you're calling it, but, uh, yeah,

01:16:24.340 it looks, they inject it, so it's not real muscle, and it's like dangerous for you, but

01:16:27.460 they get this look that I guess is desirable to some.

01:16:31.160 That Grotox, man, it's something, yeah, there's something, there's a new, yeah, that's going

01:16:34.780 to be the next thing, is just organized fat.

01:16:37.380 You know, people are going to get tired of doing all this muscle, and at some point it's

01:16:40.620 going to become more of a, you know, there's going to be more of a sculpted fat in people,

01:16:45.420 like, oh, look how cool my fat is, you know, whereas not just like, look a lot, watch my

01:16:50.040 fat be wherever it wants to be, look how I control my fat, look what I did, you know,

01:16:54.160 I have a Mount Rushmore on my back, you know, like, you're going to be able to really do

01:16:57.240 whatever you want with a lot of Botoxing and, and stuff like that, um.

01:17:01.880 Future's exciting.

01:17:03.440 Yeah, I mean, it's going to be wild, and especially if this guy, I mean, who knows, this guy could

01:17:07.580 be president, uh, or this guy, and, and now, uh, some of these camera angles look kind

01:17:13.400 of snaky here, though.

01:17:16.740 Yeah, it definitely, it looks like there's some Photoshop often with a lot of the stuff

01:17:20.760 he puts out, uh, he looks like, uh, Bluto from the aforementioned Popeyes.

01:17:26.160 Yeah.

01:17:27.040 Yeah, he really does, that's a good call.

01:17:29.800 Wow, man, I couldn't imagine being that big.

01:17:32.900 Now, I also wouldn't be shocked if you walked in and this dude was fucking a recliner, you

01:17:36.740 know?

01:17:37.500 He seemed like the kind of dude that he would see a furniture and get turnt out.

01:17:40.340 So, but that's beautiful, man, that desert fad, and it really, there's something romantic

01:17:46.760 about it.

01:17:47.760 That's what's going on.

01:17:49.260 Uh, thanks, Nick.

01:17:50.300 Good luck on that third date if you go on one.

01:17:51.980 Thanks, thanks.

01:17:53.420 Appreciate it.

01:17:54.780 All right, uh, I gotta go to a meeting, guys, and I love you.

01:18:00.560 And that's gonna be all today.

01:18:04.060 It's gonna be all.

01:18:04.720 Um, what's going on?

01:18:08.400 It's November, might not have an episode next week, I'm not sure yet.

01:18:13.000 Um, and you can do it.

01:18:17.760 And that's it.

01:18:20.040 That's it.

01:18:22.640 Uh, yeah, and everything's gonna be fine.

01:18:25.020 Um, and, and that's it.

01:18:30.300 There's not a ton to think about, really.

01:18:33.380 But there's a lot to do.

01:18:36.080 So, and you can do it.

01:18:38.960 So, there we go, gang.

01:18:41.020 Come on.

01:18:42.600 Yeah.

01:18:44.020 Um, let's leave out on, uh, let's leave out the same way we came in, um, with Spencer

01:18:50.660 Jacob Grau, and this is, uh, Celebrate.

01:18:55.340 You guys be good to yourselves, uh, because you deserve it.

01:18:58.560 And thank you.

01:19:14.660 Celebrate living, celebrate misery.

01:19:20.660 You know that soon we're gonna die.

01:19:29.260 Let's have some fun while we all die.

01:19:35.360 Celebrate dark days.

01:19:38.800 Celebrate all your pain.

01:19:42.720 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll

01:19:47.880 be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to

01:19:52.560 pleasure your partner.

01:19:54.120 The answer may shock you.

01:19:55.840 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:19:57.920 Sometimes I won't.

01:19:59.440 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:20:02.280 You have three new voice messages.

01:20:05.580 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:20:08.480 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

01:20:11.140 Longer than anybody else.

01:20:12.800 So great.

01:20:14.160 Hi.

01:20:14.760 Swee-ah.

01:20:15.780 Easy deal.

01:20:17.060 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

01:20:21.040 Jermaine.

01:20:21.620 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:20:26.100 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:20:28.200 Oh, no.

01:20:30.460 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:20:32.900 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

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01:20:48.140 My Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - November 18, 2019

Beast Infection ｜ This Past Weekend #245

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