E300 Fence Rabbits
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 19 minutes
Words per Minute
145.19662
Summary
In this episode I talk about a woman I met in a crepery shop and how I tried to get into her pants but was rejected. I also talk about how I fell in love with a woman behind the counter at the creperie.
Transcript
00:00:08.480
And, you know, that's just the way it is sometimes out there on the road.
00:00:12.580
You know, that's why the road comes in different patterns.
00:00:38.760
So, you know the podcast is going well when a female trucker cancels on it.
00:00:47.660
Gasoline females, you know, just ladies out there burning gasoline.
00:01:15.600
And we're coming out to you live right now from the Central East out here.
00:01:29.580
And I don't know what a crepe is, but I didn't care.
00:01:33.100
Once I saw this lady working there, I said, all right, you know.
00:01:36.760
I'll eat them until, you know, she and I are married if I have to.
00:01:40.040
They had a girl in there and I saw her and, you know, I made some small talk and it was awkward because we both had masks on, you know.
00:01:51.460
So, having a mask on, it's kind of like the beginning of like Shrek or whatever, you know, because you don't know how anybody really, you're not getting the full package.
00:02:08.580
You're just kind of getting that Japanese package of somebody, you know, kind of snout up or mid-snout upwards.
00:02:15.300
You know, you're kind of getting that, you know, like everybody's kind of a desert nine, you know, when they got that Middle Eastern, you know, a lot of Middle Eastern women, they wear the, kind of that word yarmulke, whatever it is, that, that muffler.
00:02:38.640
You know, they wear that front muffler, you can't see them.
00:02:41.240
I was in Saudi Arabia one time at the airport and they had a man there and a fat fella, I'll be honest with you, he really was.
00:02:52.880
And I had, if I could think of another word to describe him, I would use it.
00:02:59.460
But I cannot, and this man was what you would call a fat fella.
00:03:02.880
And he had about five women with him, all of his wives, and they all had on that, you know, just that little, kind of, they're all wearing like a what's behind door number one kind of curtain right on their face.
00:03:19.420
So that's called that desert nine, you know, or that desert eight.
00:03:22.240
Everybody's kind of a desert nine when you can only see the eyes.
00:03:24.700
So I went in there and I'd seen her and I was like, you know, was nervous and anyway, you know, I went in there and I went in there a follow-up time.
00:03:36.880
Because I'm the kind of guy that'll show up somewhere, fall in love with a woman that works behind a counter.
00:03:42.340
I don't know if you've ever done this, but I'll, I'll go somewhere, fall in love with somebody who works at the place and then try and, and then go back to the place to try and profess my love or make a connection.
00:03:58.080
So anyway, so I go back and I was nervous and we talked about MMA fighting.
00:04:06.180
We talked about adult male, you know, uh, you know, fighting.
00:04:13.940
And so I figured I would try and talk about that again when I saw her, I couldn't remember her name.
00:04:20.260
And so I was like, Hey, remember me, you know, what's your name?
00:04:25.660
And she's like, Oh, my name is, you know, Clara, I believe her is her name.
00:04:30.320
Um, and so then I was like, Oh, uh, have you been watching any of the fights?
00:04:42.720
And then I was like, so you ever like are so nervous that you can't even hear what the other person is saying.
00:04:50.340
You're just like, Oh, have you ever watched any of the fights?
00:04:53.120
And you just, you can't even no matter what their answer is, your next question is going to be something like, do you have a boyfriend?
00:05:01.120
You know, uh, so she said, I don't know what she said.
00:05:07.280
She could have been calling the police, but I was like, Oh, do you, you know, have, um, maybe we should watch the fight sometime.
00:05:15.140
And, and that was kind of weird because I didn't, I don't even know kind of how she responded if she was like, yeah, or maybe, or, um, and then I was like, Oh, do you have a boyfriend?
00:05:33.000
Like, I just got so just, I was just strung up, you know, just like when you see a rabbit and he's got one of his legs caught in the, uh, in that wire.
00:05:47.720
And that's how I was verbally, you know, I was that verbal kind of hung rabbit.
00:05:57.420
And I didn't have a plan for her having a boyfriend.
00:06:03.620
I did not have, my plan was I, I ask her out and she maybe says yes or no, I guess.
00:06:14.400
This was also, I mean, that's probably, that's always, that's the biggest option, but I didn't have a plan for when I was going to think she says, do I, I'm making this story so long.
00:06:24.620
So I was thinking, okay, I asked her and then she said, she says, no, I don't.
00:06:30.240
And then I follow up with, oh, well, maybe I could take you out sometime or I could buy you something that's not a crepe, you know, or something, just a chill line.
00:06:44.360
And so when she said yes, I couldn't, it was, it would have been weird for me to follow up with, oh, well, maybe we should go out sometime.
00:07:03.600
So it just didn't make, it didn't make any sense, man.
00:07:29.720
And then the conversation was just, and then she'd like given me like my plate and fork and knife that comes with your food that you order.
00:07:38.320
And you just go sit down at your table and then it comes out.
00:07:42.840
So now I have to sit and I, this is where I really messed up.
00:07:52.500
And then I had to sit there and just eat a crepe, which is the loneliest, saddest thing you can eat as a rejected man.
00:08:01.940
It's almost feels like one of those Japanese games shows like, oh, you lost, you eat the crepes, you know?
00:08:06.600
And so I'm sitting there just eating this sad, every bite tasted like this girl did not like me.
00:08:24.080
I didn't get, she didn't, I, there was no option.
00:08:31.180
And then I sat and point blank ate a crepe in front of this woman.
00:08:45.920
So, so anyway, if you've ever been rejected, if you ever tried and failed with a woman, which I'm sure you have, or you wouldn't be listening to this podcast, then I'd love to know about it.
00:09:00.740
And if you can hit the hotline and keep it concise, you know, and hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.
00:09:14.520
Let me know how you handled it or how you didn't handle it.
00:09:24.180
So, if you've ever been rejected, bro, rejected nation, son, you feel me?
00:09:50.320
I got the Holy Ghost Fire and it's burning in me.
00:09:54.000
I got the Holy Ghost Fire and it's burning down the streets.
00:10:11.400
I got a sweet little patty at your own in the caddy with me.
00:10:18.400
I got a sweet little patty at your own in the caddy with me.
00:10:30.680
I got a whole lot of product for my Holy Ghost Mama.
00:11:04.160
If you knew the truth about me, baby, girl, in hell, you'd stay.
00:11:12.700
If you knew the truth about me, ain't no way in hell, girl, you'd stay.
00:11:16.700
If you knew the truth about me, ain't no way in hell, girl, you'd stay.
00:11:22.160
Have you disappointed a woman in your life, Riley Mal?
00:11:37.220
And how do you feel about it now, now that some time has passed?
00:11:41.240
I would say pretty great because she wasn't the one.
00:11:45.260
And in hindsight, how do you know that she wasn't?
00:11:50.740
I just had a strong feeling she wasn't the one.
00:11:54.240
But at the time, you had a feeling she was, huh?
00:11:57.700
And what was it you think leading you down that path to thinking she was?
00:12:16.360
She just, she was acting really different and odd.
00:12:22.920
Like, walking, like, sleepwalking or something?
00:12:25.140
Well, apparently, what I was told is that she's pregnant.
00:12:36.920
Pretty much, and I had no idea because she wasn't showing yet, so it was very early in the stage.
00:12:44.220
That pregnancy, the first three months, they can trick you.
00:12:51.040
And that's where, you know, a woman will have a certain amount of time, they can still trick another man.
00:12:58.360
They get pregnant over here, they get pregnant with Jerry, and then they tell him Lance, oh, I love you.
00:13:04.940
You know, I love you, come, you know, spray in me.
00:13:08.800
And then they trick you and say, oh, yeah, you, you know, you must have a strong seed.
00:13:14.240
You know, I got that little hatchling right here, six-month one.
00:13:23.220
And he comes out weighing a pound, pound and a half, some of these children now.
00:13:30.660
You know, you see a womb up close on the camera, and the windows are busted out in it.
00:13:36.440
Half these women out here, they got, you know, they got Cardi B blaring out of the damn second floor of their womb.
00:13:41.940
You can't even know, you don't even know what's going on anymore.
00:13:44.240
You know, it's all people's thought and people, you know, somebody's, you know, you hear somebody stealing a purse and jumping off a rooftop of the damn womb, and you're like, what is going on here?
00:14:01.600
A lot of these prepackaged wombs, a lot of, you know, these prefab.
00:14:07.580
It used to be back in the old days, Riley, a woman had a decent womb in her.
00:14:16.600
And then now you get these ladies, they got the damn, you know, you don't know if it's a womb or a damn Ziploc bag in there.
00:14:27.140
Back in the day, they had a woman at a damn concrete womb.
00:14:29.700
It was something, you know, they had a bird's nest in the corner.
00:14:32.720
You know, they had, it was, there was more, there was something there.
00:14:43.280
And now you got these, you know, they got somebody smoking on the porch.
00:15:00.900
I was thinking the other day about, about racism.
00:15:26.840
Nowadays, you see a lot of children, a lot of mixed children.
00:15:31.260
You know, you see somebody, and we talked about it last, a couple weeks ago.
00:15:39.920
Or you see somebody that's, you know, from Delaware.
00:15:59.200
You know, you'd see a kid, he'd have a white body, one black leg.
00:16:02.140
You know, you'd see a kid, he had a little, you know, maybe he was 10%, you know, maybe he was 10% pinoy.
00:16:25.500
You know, you'd see a little, you'd see a black kid, but he'd have long blonde hair.
00:16:33.940
He'd be like, oh, damn, he's something, you know.
00:16:40.500
But I'm thinking that, because there's still some racism out there.
00:16:46.060
You know, and I'll name a couple of groups that do not get along really well.
00:16:49.740
Or they get along well, but there's still some tension.
00:17:10.240
And this is all stuff that I've heard from verified people.
00:17:20.880
You know, I have a lot of black friends that have told me that there is low-key beef between extraterrestrials and the urban community.
00:17:37.220
Do you know any, Riley, what groups that have racial tension?
00:17:52.000
Right from the little horse's mouth right there, you heard it.
00:18:02.000
But also for another, you know, a few of my friends that are German.
00:18:11.240
But here's what I'm thinking is, the way we get to the future, because you see a lot of these fellas now, a lot of these ladies that are doing well when it's mixed culture.
00:18:30.280
You got, who's somebody that's mixed that does well, Riley?
00:18:42.260
But here's what I'm saying is that this, I think eventually all the race, every race will be mixed.
00:18:47.060
In two, three centuries, you're going to have, everybody is going to be part everything.
00:18:55.020
And then that's when everything gets unlocked, you know.
00:19:00.000
Like we kind of unlock some of the key to the universe when you get to that, you know, that kind of Captain Planet type shit, basically.
00:19:14.400
Because here's the thing, that's the thing, it's a magic deal.
00:19:17.060
Because everybody's still, you know, people still kind of cornering off for their respect.
00:19:22.080
People still blocking out, posting up for their own races a lot.
00:19:26.980
And I think the key to it all is, is once you get all of that, all of the race, once it's all mixed completely,
00:19:37.220
and you get that, you know, Jappanatric Mahomes, basically.
00:19:44.180
When you get that full, it's almost like if you took around a cup at a United Nations meeting.
00:19:50.340
You know, or even just a hand, you put your hand out like that.
00:19:53.840
Had everybody ejac into your hand at a UN rally or something.
00:20:05.860
And you put that shit in the oven on high for about three hours, bro.
00:20:11.440
You got just a big bunt cake that it would never, ever be racist.
00:20:22.860
So I'm just trying to think outside of the box.
00:20:24.780
You know, I'm just trying to think of things that could be the end game.
00:20:28.900
You know, I'm just trying to think of the things that would be the end game out here.
00:20:35.620
I got to let you know that today's episode is brought to you by Blue Chew.
00:20:45.180
If you're like me, you'll get all your vitamins in one hand in the morning.
00:20:49.660
12, 16 different, you know, pills and little nodules.
00:20:54.000
You know, hell, I'll even put a suppository in there and take it through the throat.
00:20:59.620
And you get that stack, I'll put them in my mouth and just hit them with one big glass of water.
00:21:09.140
But if you're, if you have a hard time taking pills like me, you're not alone.
00:21:13.440
That's why you need to get the only Sildenafle and Tadalafle Chewables by visiting BlueChew.com.
00:21:22.780
If you like sex or, uh, or just even just, or even just jerking yourself off when you're extremely hard, then you will love Blue Chew.
00:21:41.320
BlueChew.com affiliated physicians work with you to find the dosage and active ingredient that is best for you.
00:21:47.640
They're not going to put you on a 98 octane if you only got a, if you get, if you run on a transmission that can only handle a 70 octane.
00:21:56.380
They don't want you so hard you can't even hug anybody.
00:22:00.540
Sometimes you see somebody so erect they can't even hug someone.
00:22:04.480
Because they just, they overdosed them with the weaner hitters.
00:22:09.600
You know, they just, next thing you know, they got a job as a scarecrow.
00:22:17.640
It only takes a few minutes to connect with a BlueChew.com affiliated physician.
00:22:23.940
And if you qualify, you get prescribed online quickly.
00:22:33.460
Ships directly to your door in discreet packaging.
00:22:38.560
Visit BlueChew.com and get your first order free when you use promo code Theo.
00:22:58.180
I remember one time just being, and I don't know what had gone on.
00:23:02.180
I think somebody come through town with a new dish, a new, you know, a new type of maybe Mexican food or something.
00:23:14.120
Because I grew up in a time people would come through town, something would come through town and it would hit everybody.
00:23:20.800
You know, I remember a bad hit of LSD, a bad batch of LSD came through our town and nobody could spell anything.
00:23:27.760
Nobody could, you know, a fire batch or the kids would call it now a fire ass batch of LSD came through town and people couldn't spell.
00:23:36.440
People couldn't, I remember one type of drug came through town, people couldn't tie their shoes in our town for half a month.
00:23:42.600
People walking around just, you know, people having to wear slippers a lot.
00:23:48.720
You'd see a working man, an electrical man out there in slippers.
00:23:52.380
You'd see people walking into the mine with their, you know, shoes untied.
00:24:07.160
They'd, whenever they got them made, they were too heavy.
00:24:10.680
And so suddenly all the men in our town, they were hitting ball, hit doing golf, but they couldn't, the scores were low.
00:24:20.420
You know, men out there crying, men start drinking, abusing their wives and lying.
00:24:25.440
You know, so I grew up in a time where a, a rare product or a, a misman, they used to call it mismanufacturement would trouble a society, would ruin a small town, ruin a small town.
00:24:41.800
And then I remember, yeah, a certain, a rare spice or something, something maybe a native, I don't know what happened.
00:24:47.780
Maybe something was in the water and everybody, all the, you know, people were just damn erect.
00:24:55.720
I mean, you'd have a, you know, you'd have a bird laying right on your front.
00:25:02.620
For no reason, you know, a dog would just come run at you and just grab you by the front.
00:25:21.240
You got to be careful and get the right dose for your peen, baby.
00:25:26.640
You will, I mean, you will just, I mean, your lips get hard.
00:25:31.720
I've taken some pills that'll, I mean, that'll make you damn cry.
00:25:46.140
Let's get into, well, we had a couple calls, man, and I had a lot of nice calls after last
00:25:53.340
People come through with some different calls and verbal calls right here.
00:26:10.380
Hey, we're calling out here really close to Covington.
00:26:38.240
It is famous for tallest statue of Ronald Reagan in America.
00:27:03.240
There's one in, there was the tallest Bob Hope statue, and that was in Duran, I believe
00:27:14.360
Can you look that up, actually, if you mind, Raleigh, Mal?
00:27:16.380
I hate to put you to work there, but you got to do something, you know.
00:27:28.080
Peoria, Illinois has a Richard Pryor statue that I believe is full pewter, or maybe 70% pewter
00:27:35.480
or something, and they quit putting copper in a lot of statues because a lot of homeless
00:27:40.500
and drug addicts or DAs will chip it out and sell it and smoke it.
00:27:54.260
So, you'll, you know, you do a copper statue, and then next thing you know, it only has
00:27:59.960
one arm, and they got, you know, 11 more, you know, 11 more people smoking crack near
00:28:06.560
you, and you're just wondering how it all financially made sense.
00:28:16.440
I looked up the Statue of Hope in Friendship, Indiana.
00:28:24.260
It is a private memorial or monument displayed in a graveyard or cemetery.
00:28:29.880
Hope is one of the seven virtues of the Christian religion.
00:28:43.760
And what I'm telling you is down a heat call from Covington, Louisiana, and that's, have
00:28:47.440
the world's stall, uh, stall a statue of Ronald Reagan.
00:28:52.360
And that's 10 feet tall, unprecedented, Ronald.
00:29:10.840
And they just made it through the storm down there in Louisiana.
00:29:31.380
Here's a tornado brought to you by Bratches Candies.
00:29:41.940
And next thing you know, your house is on its ass.
00:29:48.460
It's coming to natural disasters sponsored by companies.
00:29:57.360
Here's your Kraft macaroni and earthquakes, brother.
00:30:26.440
You know, and I'm tired of sometimes, you know, I'm not tired of anything.
00:30:29.740
But sometimes I'm hyped up and sometimes I'm not.
00:30:39.340
You know, we're supposed to have a trucker and we don't have a trucker.
00:30:41.760
We're supposed to have a trucker and we don't have a trucker.
00:30:59.620
But dude, every time I'm afraid to even call people in Louisiana anymore.
00:31:05.060
When I call home, man, everybody's hiding from a storm.
00:31:18.600
We just, you know, we got five handles of Tito's.
00:31:24.320
You know, hell, the dog's having a damn Jell-O shot right now.
00:31:34.300
I feel like the only thing, living in Louisiana is basically like playing hide-and-go-seek with the weather.
00:31:41.880
It's just like you and Mother Nature in a game of Red Rover.
00:31:45.900
That's what's going on when you're living down there in Louisiana on the Gulf Coast.
00:32:25.840
That's one thing that's different, man, about living here instead of living in California, predominantly, anyway, is just feeling that weather come.
00:32:37.980
In California, if there's weather, you feel like it's part of a movie set.
00:32:51.100
It was part of, like, the producer just sent it, or director just, send in the, let's do five mile, five mile per hour winds.
00:32:58.340
Yeah, can you raise the wind and send a bird, let's send a bird, send two birds.
00:33:08.860
That's what it feels like out there in California if something comes through that it's all designed.
00:33:20.240
You remember that there's a bigger director out there.
00:33:23.680
And that bad bitch is Union, and she is, she's doing whatever she wants now because she has tenure, and she's not worried about getting fired, and she gets a two-hour lunch break, even though she only has a five-hour work day.
00:33:41.440
Raleigh Mel, you got any information on that Bob Hope statue?
00:33:46.240
So, it says that Bob Hope may be something of a forgotten figure, as a Los Angeles Times writer said in a November 29th story about a new biography on the late comedian Hope, entertainer of the century.
00:34:01.860
There is a nine-foot, five-inch tall fiberglass and cement statue that has stood for 34 years in Rockford.
00:34:15.560
Now, see, that's something you see different places.
00:34:18.060
Small towns like to do that and like to honor something.
00:34:34.060
All right, let's take, let's take another call that came in here.
00:34:42.740
And this fella came through and he sent in a video, actually.
00:34:52.300
Kind of hard to see because of this camera angle, but.
00:34:56.900
And if you can see on the video here, they got video.
00:35:03.400
And video, basically, it's like a million pictures at once, man.
00:35:09.940
And he just showed us, if you can see on the video here, he showed us he's a wheelchair man, this man.
00:35:28.320
I was that dude in the wheelchair at your late show in Jersey.
00:35:45.700
Me and you start traveling around this globe, fucking up people, fucking up family barbecues and three-legged racing and smoking them.
00:36:08.560
You know, maybe have a, you know, share a cigarette or something.
00:36:11.180
Or, I'm not smoking now, but you could take some hits and blow it into my mouth as long as our lips don't touch.
00:36:20.960
All my buddies and me, we all watched the podcast.
00:36:23.060
And we were all, they were all sending me clips before I got to watch it.
00:36:32.420
And, you know, and I never, you know, I've always had legs.
00:36:40.340
And, you know, I didn't plan on it, but I just, you know, once I was alive, I just had them.
00:36:49.260
And, you know, so it's always interesting when I meet somebody that's, you know, that's just, that's doing it a different way.
00:37:06.020
You know, it's kind of like mounds and almond joy.
00:37:10.280
You know, and I got them freaking almonds, bro, on me.
00:37:12.960
And you, you know, you more the, you more the, you roll them without.
00:37:28.820
Because I couldn't see you that well from the stage.
00:37:31.100
And next time I come out there, dude, yeah, we'll go do a show.
00:37:36.400
You know, I do a flute and you come out and do something.
00:37:41.700
You know, or maybe we get a train of animal to be involved.
00:37:48.080
Or we have you in a box the whole time on the stage.
00:37:52.360
And you roll, you know, maybe part of the box opens up and you roll out.
00:37:58.040
You know, and do a, you know, do a bottle rocket or do something.
00:38:36.540
And I got a little nephew named Brayden who lives over there in Spanish Fork.
00:38:47.400
With all the negativity that's been going on in the news and the pandemic,
00:38:52.160
I just wanted to let you know about something positive that came about it.
00:38:57.220
My childhood friends back in middle school and high school were all over the country
00:39:03.240
and it's not for us to get together, but because of all the extra time everybody's got
00:39:08.980
and everybody working remotely, we have set up a Dungeons and Dragons campaign
00:39:17.420
So, every Thursday, we get together and we hunt dragons
00:39:24.900
Look, I think, oh man, I don't even know how to get into this.
00:39:34.180
I think it's beautiful you guys are getting together, man.
00:39:36.500
Do I think the Dungeons and Dragons always never really didn't know how to handle that vibe.
00:39:42.980
You know, you'd always be, you'd see people meeting up in the back of a Quiznos or something at night
00:39:48.940
and some guy's got a purple beard and he's got, you know, his lady's got them big, big, big, beefy tits, you know.
00:39:56.940
Them big frickin', them slush guppies, dog, them just damn like a damn, just big old tits, you know.
00:40:08.540
Kind of tits, you hear somebody rev a truck when you see them, just vroom, right when you see them.
00:40:21.300
You see that titty, you know, like the kind of breast is so big it can tell you're looking at it.
00:40:28.360
So you look the other way out of sheer just embarrassment or, you know, mild shame.
00:40:33.160
But men meeting up to play Dungeons and Dragons at night, man, I'll tell you this.
00:40:38.800
And I was good in junior high and I saw they had some kids playing it outside one day.
00:40:48.060
And you'd see every, you know, one of the kids looked like Rapunzel and it was a boy, you know.
00:40:52.620
And he'd have his hair braided into a, you know, into the other kid was wearing his hair braid as a damn scarf.
00:41:01.480
You'd have, some guy would have his nose, his septum pierced and he'd have a spare key hanging off it.
00:41:05.700
And, you know, to get into school and all of them hated gym class.
00:41:11.600
These were the kids who did not like gym class.
00:41:22.080
We didn't get a lot of them flying over campus when I was in junior high.
00:41:25.860
But every now and then, the winds would switch over there over the poncher train.
00:41:38.440
And I saw a pelican defecate onto a damn Dungeons and Dragons game.
00:41:48.360
And I, that shit made me feel good, man, honestly, when it happened.
00:41:54.720
May the pelicans be ever in your favor, my friend.
00:42:02.920
Why don't you keep the news and get it ready for us?
00:42:05.060
I'm going to tell everybody about one of our sponsors right here.
00:42:10.120
And I want to tell you guys that, um, that there's something called Faerty.
00:42:17.940
And if you're not familiar with it, you should know.
00:42:21.980
With these times right now, I feel like fashion is over.
00:42:24.680
You know, you'll see somebody wearing a Triscuit box as a helmet.
00:42:31.620
You'll see somebody wearing a damn, uh, you know, you'll see somebody with a mask made out of a damn, uh, craft single.
00:42:41.580
In the words of my friend Trevor Wallace, that's what he says.
00:42:44.000
You know, he saw a man with a, you know, wearing a craft single as a mask.
00:42:51.860
So how are we supposed to know what to shop for right now?
00:43:01.480
For timeless pieces that will last a lifetime of wear, check out Faerty.
00:43:10.320
Faerty makes high quality, comfortable clothing for life.
00:43:20.720
You know, gone are the days when you go get you a little singlet or something.
00:43:36.080
The end of the world is right around the corner.
00:43:45.280
This company is run by the Faerty family, and they are very hands-on in ensuring everything they do lives up to their values.
00:43:54.640
The Faerty style is, well, it's one of its own.
00:43:59.720
But it's one that you'll find comfortable and one that you'll find almost legendary.
00:44:09.080
It's the softest, coziest shirt I've ever worn.
00:44:12.420
It's a good thing the quality stands up to everyday wear because I want to wear it every day.
00:44:23.020
Buying forever is the smartest way to shop right now.
00:44:28.120
Right now, you can get 25% off your next Faerty purchase when you go to FaertyBrand.com.
00:44:34.640
That's F-A-H-E-R-T-Y, FaertyBrand.com, slash Theo, for 25% off, FaertyBrand.com, slash Theo.
00:44:56.220
Well, in a British wildlife park, they have removed five cursing parrots from public.
00:45:05.140
Okay, and when you say cursing parrots, what do you mean?
00:45:07.480
Like parrots that they're, what, casting spells on public?
00:45:21.640
It just says that the birds shared the ability to curse up a storm, something they engaged in quite often.
00:45:31.900
So they're doing it, and where is it happening, you said?
00:45:39.880
You know, when I was young, Riley, you'd see a, when I was young, you'd see a mobile zoo was popular.
00:45:52.080
You know, and that was a man had a nice van or an extended van, even sometimes a church van.
00:45:57.800
And this man, you know, a man would have a mobile zoo.
00:46:01.060
And so, you know, somebody'd come through town with a chimp and a, a small dolphin in an aquarium or something in a big van, you know, and you, you know, pay a dollar, go see it.
00:46:14.180
Or somebody'd come through, roll through with two chimps and a beagle.
00:46:22.800
And sometimes the beagle tried to mate with everybody.
00:46:25.460
Beetle, beagle, you know, a deranged beagle will fuck anything.
00:46:31.620
And that's probably, that's practically scripture, man.
00:46:37.180
But we had a fella come through town one time and he had a couple of starlings, I believe.
00:46:50.820
And they'd call you the N word, call you the S word.
00:47:08.540
You know, when a man, when a traveling zoo was more, you know, they didn't have as much legal issues.
00:47:14.880
Nowadays, somebody, you know, you know, a friend of mine got bit outside of a BJ's pizza by a damn, uh, by a Australian shepherd.
00:47:30.140
Whereas when I was young, you'd pay maybe 50 cents for that.
00:47:37.200
Um, and I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I spent a couple dollars over there.
00:47:41.720
Because this fellow's little zoo broke down by us.
00:47:45.580
And you'd get over there and a starling would call you this or call you that.
00:47:49.440
You know, sometime for, you know, $1.50, you could get, you know, two N words and a Jew out of the guy or something.
00:47:57.160
Or, you know, just, you know, you could strike up a deal.
00:48:01.020
And what kind of, uh, birds were they, Riley, does it say?
00:48:05.120
Um, they are the African, African, uh, gray parrots.
00:48:12.560
So that's almost, I mean, let's be honest, bro.
00:48:15.480
If it's African gray, that's almost a black, that's a, you know, that's an African-American bird.
00:48:23.100
You know, I mean, I know there's different ways to say it, but still, it's like, so if they're dropping the M bombs, is that, you know?
00:48:30.280
I don't know if that really, if that's article worthy.
00:48:35.940
You know, I get if you got a white parrot litter or something out there and, you know, you got a toucan and he's out there just humming M bombs at people while they're trying to buy a mouse or whatever.
00:48:47.720
Then that, to me, is risque, but, you know, this sounds just like nature kind of figuring itself out.
00:48:55.480
Um, you know, in the 1600s, 1700s, they used to use cows to find, uh, like, I don't want to say landmines or, but explosives and stuff.
00:49:11.040
And they'd send them out there wandering out there, you know, until they, until they detonated it.
00:49:23.940
That might have even been a Far Asian trick, uh, Raleigh.
00:49:26.740
Have you had any, have you heard anything about that at home?
00:49:28.920
Any, uh, on the home front, any long to family tales or anything like that?
00:49:39.640
Um, you seem like you might have a little warrior in you.
00:49:54.460
All right, let's check out this next call here that came in.
00:50:05.440
And, uh, man, I, I don't know what I should do.
00:50:10.560
Thank you for calling Josh from Missouri or Missouri.
00:50:30.520
But lately she said she wants to, uh, she wants me to be in the videos with her.
00:50:37.700
I mean, she says she can make more money if I'm in them.
00:50:40.860
But I just, I don't really want my, my penis and stuff being on camera.
00:50:46.300
So I was just wondering what you would do and give me some advice and see if I'll gang, gang.
00:50:58.780
You know, I remember when I was a little younger, a fella told me, hey, your penis ain't made for video.
00:51:11.960
I think there's some OnlyFans stuff that you could do that's a little bit, you know, risque, but not as wicked.
00:51:23.340
Because I don't know, now you gotta worry about the lighting.
00:51:34.280
Two, two people saying, ah, look at Sammy's got that little dick.
00:51:42.140
You're never gonna be the same after reading those comments, man.
00:51:50.540
Raleigh Mal, what do you think about that kind of stuff?
00:52:02.620
And do you have any trouble looking at pornography or anything like that?
00:52:41.340
This is Reuben Call from Greenville, South Carolina.
00:52:46.960
And you gotta respect a man named after a sandwich.
00:52:52.420
Whether you know a guy named Grilled Cheese Whitaker or Reuben Harper, you know, or you
00:53:04.620
You gotta respect somebody named after a damn edible lunch entree onward.
00:53:34.040
But I don't know for the purposes of your show if he's lending anything that, let's
00:53:49.720
And I don't even, I don't even damn you for it, brother.
00:53:57.020
And he just says that, you know, he feels like you don't really, that you don't bring
00:54:02.620
Have people ever told you that in your life before or not?
00:54:29.720
And I hear that Riley's Asian, so that's pretty much a given that, well, he's in martial
00:54:47.760
And I don't even know if we can legally even listen to a middle, uh, I don't know how old
00:54:53.080
And it could be also, he could be 18 or 19 in middle school.
00:54:59.780
They called him eventually when I was in middle school.
00:55:06.580
And he could come, I remember in the bathroom, we'd be in there urinating, you know, just
00:55:14.640
And, uh, he'd come in and pee right over you into the urinal, just showing off, you know,
00:55:20.880
because he was, I mean, hell, he was fully developed and his, you know, and he just had
00:55:29.300
He had that frickin', god dang, he had that, you know, that 19 year old spout on him.
00:55:34.600
We're all out here just using a, everybody's penis, look like a little igloo, something
00:55:41.840
And he shows up with this big dang Lincoln log, you know.
00:55:45.080
But, anyway, uh, Riley, you got a child right there challenging you.
00:55:56.440
You think you can beat that kid's ass, honestly, Henry?
00:55:59.380
Um, I mean, I don't know, he, he might be faking the, faking the voice.
00:56:10.160
Well, I mean, I would tell him, you know, come over to, come over to the Middle East and
00:56:21.300
He's saying, bring it over to the Central East, you mean.
00:56:26.780
Bring it over to the Central East and we'll hash it out.
00:56:35.760
He'll just, he just offered to beat the shit out of a damn middle schooler.
00:56:48.520
If that ain't beautiful, baby, I don't know what is.
00:56:51.340
You know, especially during these tough times, man.
00:57:05.440
Breaking up with your old wireless provider just got a whole lot easier thanks to Mint Mobile.
00:57:10.540
You know, they were the first company to sell premium wireless service online only.
00:57:16.960
And now, Mint Mobile is introducing their unlimited data plan for just $30 a month.
00:57:30.320
How much is your soon-to-be-ex wireless company charging you?
00:57:40.240
You know, I'm also supporting some of my family members, semi-dead beats.
00:57:46.100
For people that hate their phone bill and are ready to cut ties with big wireless, Mint Mobile offers their premium unlimited plan for just $30 a month.
00:57:57.340
By going online only and eliminating the traditional cost of retail, Mint Mobile passes significant savings on to you.
00:58:05.380
All plans come with unlimited talk and text and high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.
00:58:13.840
To get your unlimited wireless plan for just $30 a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free,
00:58:25.420
That's M-I-N-T-M-O-B-I-L-E dot com slash T-H-E-O.
00:58:30.780
Cut your unlimited wireless bill to $30 a month at mintmobile.com slash T-H-E-O.
00:58:50.700
Not sure what you're up to this Tuesday, but Buffalo Bills will be in Nashville.
00:58:55.420
And if you're free, I got an extra ticket for you, man.
00:58:58.280
There's nothing we welcome more to the Bills Mafia than a nice, strong mullet.
00:59:02.500
Not going to be a full crowd, but if you want to come through and watch Josh Allen tear up the Titans, man, let me know.
00:59:07.560
I'd love to see my buddy Harrison Phillips over there play over there for Buffalo.
00:59:22.540
And they're undefeated over there, both of the teams.
00:59:36.740
Anything else you want to share with us, Riley?
00:59:42.260
I did see that a man told snakeskin isn't a legitimate face covering.
01:00:13.260
Sometimes I just am going through a tough time.
01:00:15.380
And I just want to say thanks for the nice calls and the support.
01:00:25.240
You know, I just have this thing inside of me where I just, I forget.
01:00:29.140
I just, I just, there's just part of me that forgets that people care about me.
01:00:35.900
It's like a, it's almost like a, it's like a software issue where, you know, it just kind of, that part of the, the residual effect of people caring about me just dissipates pretty quickly.
01:00:55.820
Um, and, and so it was just a, you know, I appreciate a lot of nice reminders that came in and, um, and people just sharing some of their thoughts.
01:01:07.220
And so I want to, uh, just honor a couple of those, man.
01:01:25.500
And, you know, I grew up with a fella they called Will the Thrill.
01:01:31.240
And he invited us over to his house one time, uh, for a party.
01:01:34.460
And some fella had just learned to masturbate in our group.
01:01:38.740
And we didn't know about it or he hadn't just learned, he'd known maybe he was probably, this dude might've been 26.
01:01:47.500
Then he was in a middle school or junior high or pre-junior high.
01:02:02.740
And you ever been to a birthday party for a hot tub, Riley?
01:02:10.620
It was, uh, yeah, about maybe eight boys sitting in a hot tub.
01:02:18.160
And if you have a hot tub in Louisiana, first of all, you are obviously clinically not doing well because that's basically like making soup.
01:02:25.880
It's basically, there's never, there's been four cold days in the history of Louisiana.
01:02:36.360
It's already, you're basically making soup out of whoever you invite to sit in it.
01:02:40.700
So we got a, basically an eight child booyah base going on out there.
01:02:47.240
And some fella named CJ Vickery had learned to, uh, you know, jerk himself off.
01:02:55.960
And nothing, the rest of us didn't know about it.
01:03:04.020
We'd never even seen a drawing of somebody ejaculating.
01:03:10.080
And, uh, so he's touching his body under the water, you know, being secretive, doing secretive touch.
01:03:16.980
And suddenly when he's about to ejaculate, he pulls his body up out of the water and he starts just kind of, you know, just ejacking into the little pool, into the little hot tub.
01:03:32.780
And Will, this kid, Will the Thrill, they called him, grabbed his penis to stop it because he thought something bad was happening to him.
01:03:39.220
He was having a bad reaction or something because he'd never seen it.
01:03:41.700
So he grabbed it to stop it and like squeeze it.
01:03:46.060
And, uh, and the kid punched him, kid punched him right in the neck.
01:03:53.300
Seeing somebody get punched in the neck, man, when they, when they're trying to hold on to somebody else's penis for no reason.
01:04:35.380
You just put out the, um, one about where you, you know, you want to drink.
01:04:40.880
And, you know, for me, man, I've been in recovery.
01:04:44.780
I've got a little over two and a half years right now.
01:04:47.620
And I absolutely know what you're going through.
01:04:53.200
Um, for me, it was just feeling miserable and not having the drugs and the alcohol to turn to and wondering, like, damn, what else?
01:05:04.240
You know, I'm going to the gym, I'm, uh, going to meetings, I'm going to church, I'm doing all these things.
01:05:22.460
You know, I couldn't remember the last time that I woke up happy.
01:05:34.040
I think, you know, not, nobody gets everything.
01:05:41.420
You know, some people are, you know, might be good at math and some people, you know, uh, wake up happy.
01:05:54.560
You know, some people like, uh, pudding and, and some people can, you know, can, can draw.
01:06:01.940
You know, it's all, the way God makes it, I think everything evens out.
01:06:07.100
You know, somebody's beautiful, but they might be dumb.
01:06:09.200
You know, somebody might be dumb, but they could, uh, you know, but they could teach you how to sing if you need to sing real quick.
01:06:25.080
Um, and yeah, one of my strong suits is not waking up happy, man.
01:06:33.000
And, yeah, I can do all the things, but sometimes that's just my.
01:06:41.260
And so, each day I have to have, uh, or each day I find that a program, if I follow a program, then it helps me.
01:06:51.840
Um, and the best program I've found for myself is through 12 Step in Recovery.
01:07:08.920
It gets me out of me and gets me onto someone else or onto God before I can get to myself, you know.
01:07:15.800
Um, but yeah, when I meet somebody that way, when I meet somebody who wakes up happy,
01:07:20.540
God, I'm so envious, it's like, God, God, how do you do it?
01:07:46.000
But it gives me something to work towards, man.
01:07:50.400
And I, and I gotta be thankful also for that daily battle, even on the days when I lose it.
01:08:00.740
You know, cause if we woke up and just had everything, man, it would.
01:08:07.100
I don't, I probably, I don't know if I'd want that.
01:08:25.140
I was just listening to your last episode with the, uh, asthma, uh,
01:08:34.420
That fella had that asthma we had to pull over.
01:08:37.680
you know, so we could long up off the frickin' turnpike gang.
01:08:42.480
Driving the Uber, frickin' pulling over to breathe some of this funk,
01:08:56.640
Um, I just wanted to kind of reach out and let you know.
01:09:03.380
Um, so it's a whole nother area of the country.
01:09:06.660
Coming from L.A. where it's more sunny, more sunshine, yada, yada.
01:09:13.100
a lot of people around the fall time start to get depressed, uh,
01:09:19.520
The leaves are, the leaves are falling off the trees.
01:09:22.680
And, uh, the trees are giving off that pheromone of, you know, dying.
01:10:04.200
I used to stay on top, but I kind of fell behind the episodes.
01:10:10.920
God does for you what you can't do for yourself.
01:10:13.620
And, you know, I needed to hear that because, you know,
01:10:22.620
And, you know, the clerk telling you that you can't go to the restaurant
01:10:26.380
was almost synonymous with my cell phone dying as I was texting my dealer.
01:10:33.620
You know, I've been sober now for one month and it's been the hardest month so far.
01:10:44.340
But, you know, listening to your podcast only reassured me that, you know,
01:10:56.840
And, you know, when you deal with these stressful moments
01:10:59.200
and these instances where you just want to binge, it's hard, man.
01:11:10.980
I just got to remember that it's hard sometimes.
01:11:14.880
You know, and I just, you know, it just means a lot, man.
01:11:20.300
And, yeah, your phone dying while you're texting your dealer.
01:11:29.200
And, yeah, for some people and some people say, well, hey, man,
01:11:31.880
just have a drink or go party one night and let the edge out.
01:11:37.400
But I just, when I don't want to do that option,
01:11:44.660
If you don't have a problem, then more power to you, you know?
01:11:51.800
I'll tickle your cousin while you do a line off his ass, bro.
01:12:06.200
You know, I'll give your stepmother a zerbert, bro.
01:12:17.800
then I don't know if I'm coming back sometimes.
01:12:35.420
If you find me, bro, I'll be out there on that dust.
01:12:44.060
I'll freaking, I'll snort a ring off of Saturn, baby.
01:13:00.320
It just makes me feel, I'm just happy that you feel good for you.
01:13:12.360
Thank you guys for all the kind messages and stuff.
01:13:14.520
And what have I done this week to take care of myself a little bit better?
01:13:18.900
Well, for one, I was coming down probably off of testosterone.
01:13:29.680
So, there probably could have been some side effects of that.
01:13:32.320
You know, but this week I've been just trying to stay more, busier with my running.
01:13:47.500
Making a gratitude list every day and really sticking to it.
01:13:51.840
And even recording my gratitude list on audio and then send it to some of my buddies who also make them.
01:14:02.980
But that's the kind of stuff that this past week has been saving me.
01:14:09.400
And just keeping me in a, keeping my spirit more comfortable.
01:14:19.940
You know, I was born with an uncomfortable spirit.
01:14:40.140
We're looking also for unique characters to come in.
01:14:44.520
And we'll let you know some possible, you know, unique type, character type people that we would like to have on the show and unique humans.
01:14:54.880
And, and we'll do what we can and, you know, we made it through it.
01:15:06.040
You know, we were expecting to have a female trucker in and it didn't happen.
01:15:12.860
And we wish her well and hope that she's safe wherever she is.
01:17:13.560
But if I filled you in, would you take it to the grave?
01:18:18.460
A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events
01:18:30.880
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head
01:19:13.960
Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts