This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E349 Last Words

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00:00:24.860 theladders.com slash T-H-E-O. That's theladders.com slash T-H-E-O. Check it out, man. Oh, well, I'm

00:00:44.000 alive. That's the first thing I noticed about myself this morning when I got up. I'm still

00:00:51.780 alive. You know, it's not a guarantee. Some people die in their sleep. I wonder if I would

00:01:03.080 like that. Dying in my sleep. I almost, the thing about dying in your sleep, and people

00:01:14.920 don't think about this. If you die in your sleep, you don't get any last words. You don't

00:01:20.620 get that last serving of outspoken. You don't get to say anything. If you're stabbed or if

00:01:32.460 you, you know, fall down some stairs or something, you know, if you're stabbed, you can, oh, you know,

00:01:40.080 what? Why did you stab me? Why did you stab me? You know, and then maybe some famous quote or

00:01:49.200 something you get to do, you know. I could have been a contender. Give me liberty. Give me death,

00:01:55.080 you know. Uh, from the window to the wall, you know. I mean, you get to, at least if you 0.99

00:02:06.920 were, if you're out and about or if you're, if you're not asleep, if you're not dying in

00:02:13.980 your sleep, you get that last moment. You know, even if you're falling down some stairs, you're

00:02:20.160 like, oh, dang, this is the last time I'm gonna be alive. What the fuck? Yeah, but at least 1.00

00:02:33.580 you get to, you get a final say. Because otherwise, if you just die in your sleep, you just get

00:02:40.640 that epithet. An epithet is something people write it on your, uh, on that gravestone, that

00:02:51.680 death marker, you know, that, uh, that funeral yard, um, little placard or placard. I'm not

00:03:08.060 sure. I think it is a French origin. But then they, then somebody else guesses, you

00:03:14.180 know, what they would, you would have said, you know, or they'd give you a final little

00:03:18.940 hoo-ha on there. So what do you think you'd do, Raleigh Mal? Would you die in your sleep

00:03:26.680 or would you, you want to go out in a living moment? I think I want to go out in a living

00:03:33.080 moment. And what, would you have a final word or something? Would you get a, would you get

00:03:40.140 one final jab in at the world, a verbal jab? Uh, yeah, I don't know. I would say, uh, you

00:03:50.380 know, something. All righty, we'll come back to you, bud. We'll come back to you with that.

00:03:58.740 Uh, today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza. 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way

00:04:08.020 to the beach in Los Angeles. Gray Block, get that hitter, baby. Let's get into it. 0.99

00:04:17.660 Come on, baby. This is Eddie Ninevolt, the come-up.

00:04:23.960 I'm on the come-up. Yeah. Feels real good after I've been so blue. Mm-hmm.

00:04:33.240 It's on the come-up. It's on the come-up. I'm on the come-up. It feels so good to have

00:04:41.240 a brand new view. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on the come-up. Well, I just broke off with my

00:04:49.120 baby. Now I can finally get the love on you. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. Yeah, yeah. Come-up.

00:04:58.400 Well, I just moved up to Lucky Street when the mayor came and said to me, you're on the

00:05:04.560 come-up. You're on the come-up. Come on, baby. And it's plain to see between you and me.

00:05:12.400 We got so much love and chemistry. It's on the come-up. It's on the come-up. Well, good

00:05:21.680 things keep on coming. And there ain't gonna be no running. No, I'm on the come-up. Mm-hmm.

00:05:29.580 I'm on the come-up. Well, I just got home and now I'm back. I got so many people asking

00:05:36.740 where I'm at. I've been to Tennessee. I've been to Ohio. And that's that right there, baby.

00:05:42.580 That'll get you. And if that don't get you, then you probably can't be got. If that don't

00:05:50.680 get you, you probably can't be got. Because music has that infectious ability. You know,

00:05:58.260 there's very few things that can just get you immediately out of nowhere and make you

00:06:09.540 behave differently. A dog bite can do it. A bee, a bumblebee, baby, they can do it really

00:06:19.900 heavily. If they choose, if they want to. If they're feeling like it. A dog bite, a bee.

00:06:27.480 A bee. What else? Lightning, which is really just God's bumblebee, baby.

00:06:43.060 And music. Those are the things that can really get you, just take you from nothing to something.

00:06:55.400 And an escalator. Those are about the five things that can really maybe shift what's going

00:07:05.260 on with you. I went to the fights. That's what I did this past weekend. I went out there

00:07:11.020 to Las Vegas. And man, it was a scorcher. The plane couldn't even land because at first,

00:07:23.560 the runway was 115 degree. And they said that the runway, if it's higher than 114 or something,

00:07:34.160 they can't land. So that took an extra 40 minutes of delay time. And then you're sitting there and

00:07:44.340 it's, you know, it just, then you're having to kind of mingle and there was two like just thoughts. I

00:07:53.900 mean, I, I mean, just real girls that had looked like they'd just been the kind of girls that'll 0.87

00:08:01.300 just, they've, they'll just look like they've been beaten up at even at Christmas.

00:08:05.060 And they just, one of them was just so aggravating and just kept ordering drinks. And the guy,

00:08:13.560 the guy in the, uh, you know, the server or the flight attendant, sorry, I don't mean server,

00:08:24.160 but the flight attendant, the air man, he said, we can't have drink. And the lady like ordered three

00:08:31.140 times and just a nightmare. And I just wish that I was Italian enough to do that thing where when 0.98

00:08:43.240 you're sitting behind somebody in an Italian movie, sometimes the person in the backseat will put a

00:08:48.440 cord around the person in the front seat's neck and just lace them up like a shoe until they're not

00:08:57.040 alive anymore. And, uh, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to do that. There was two girls. One of 0.99

00:09:06.880 them deserve to live. I'm going to say it. I'll put it like that. The other one, we didn't need her.

00:09:15.980 We didn't need her. Did we need her? Nope. We sure didn't. She said, I don't know. Jesus Christ.

00:09:31.280 And who's emailing me now? Best Buy? Bunch of assholes. What do they think I'm going to do?

00:09:37.160 Hey, Best Buy, let me say this to you. Okay. Every night you want to email me around midnight,

00:09:43.080 1 a.m. First of all, your stores aren't even open at that time. Have you thought about that?

00:09:50.040 Second of all, what do you think I'm going to do? You think I'm going to get out of bed

00:09:55.740 with my stuffed animal or with a girl maybe, but you think I'm going to get out of bed

00:10:02.940 to go look at one of your Xeroxers or look at one of your 71 inchers? 0.99

00:10:08.920 It's 1 a.m. And you guys are beating me over the damn screen face with your, you know, 0.99

00:10:19.640 we got toasters. We got mortal, you know, mortal warrior 60, you know, join the club, join 0.99

00:10:27.840 the group. Don't you want this oven? Bitch, I'm asleep. 1.00

00:10:33.640 I don't need an oven while I'm sleeping. All right. I'm trying to get some rest. I'm not 1.00

00:10:42.500 trying to get a deal Best Buy. So you best believe me when I tell you to leave me the fuck alone 1.00

00:10:52.880 in the emails. But, um, anyway, yeah. So I got out to the fights and, uh, and what was going on? 0.98

00:11:05.240 I mean, there was, first of all, it was a packed event. You know, I get over there. Um, and well,

00:11:16.080 did you watch the fights, Riley Mao? Did you watch the fights, brother? I did not.

00:11:23.000 All right. What'd you do over the weekend, bub? Uh, filmed the wedding. Oh, wow. And whose

00:11:31.800 was it? Don't know. It was a Catholic wedding. Oh, okay. And now what's the times of like,

00:11:38.720 what's the time commitment? You're going to go film a wedding. What kind of time commitment

00:11:42.320 is that? Pretty much all day. Okay. And do you have a certain shot list you like to try to get?

00:11:50.980 I do. Okay. And is there any kind of sneaky shots? Will you get something like, uh,

00:11:59.620 is there any stuff you try to sneak in the back room or hide behind a window or something? Get

00:12:04.480 something a little perverse, not perverse, but you know what I'm saying? Something that's going to,

00:12:08.800 you know, make them cover the baby's eyes. If, if they're watching the video back,

00:12:13.720 it's going to make them cover the child's eyes if they're in there watching it. 0.70

00:12:16.840 I do not. Okay. So you guys really more of a PG outfit over there.

00:12:22.500 Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Okay. And have you ever filmed a wedding where you didn't think that they

00:12:28.040 should go through with it? Not that I could think of. All righty.

00:12:33.820 Is it, how's your own love life going, man? Last time we'd had you here, you had a real,

00:12:41.020 there was a woman who'd let you down from Memphis. I remember. Yeah. Kendra, I think was her name.

00:12:48.200 What was it? I don't even remember. It was, I got her out of my mind. Wow. Yeah. Isn't it funny

00:12:56.800 how it'll happen? How one day it's the most important thing to you and then, and then it's a

00:13:02.700 old male, you know? Exactly.

00:13:08.960 What's up with the wedding bells on your own front? Is there any new relationships in your life?

00:13:14.180 Unfortunately not. Okay. Okay. Still looking.

00:13:17.960 You still looking, huh? Yeah. Are you on the app? So you just letting the,

00:13:21.600 you just living right, you letting the Lord work? What's, how, how you managing it?

00:13:26.200 Uh, I'm, I'm just letting the Lord work. Amen, Bubby. Amen.

00:13:32.640 Um, and what about are you, do you, you know, I struggle over the years with a little bit of

00:13:39.320 pornography. Do you struggle with it or you're good? I don't. I'm good. God, you're lucky. Dear God.

00:13:45.000 Motherfuck. Um, all right. Well, I'll tell you about the fights, man. 1.00

00:13:55.220 Okay. You guys, if you didn't see the fight, I mean, it was, uh, first of all, I get there. There's

00:13:59.480 tons of, um, you know, Joe Rogan has done an amazing job over the years. He created this unique

00:14:06.980 bridge where, um, where comedy and where comedians and fighters are, are allowed to co-mingle and,

00:14:16.740 and there's a mutual kind of, I don't know if it's a, it's definitely a respect in the fighter's

00:14:22.900 direction, but there's a, like, I got to go up to Max Holloway and say hello, you know, and he knew

00:14:29.920 who I was. I mean, that was like, made my life, you know, um, you know, you're able to, in my DMs,

00:14:41.520 I'm communicating with other fighters. I run into other fighters and there's just like, uh, Ricky

00:14:45.960 Simone, um, you know, uh, Corey Sanhagen and I will communicate some like, uh, tie to Evasa who was

00:14:54.580 drinking beer out the boot up there on that cage after he gave Greg hardly that. I mean, he hit,

00:15:00.380 I mean, he just hit him. He gave him that fat rattler, baby. You know, he fucking hit him with

00:15:06.860 that New Zealand Brown snake, baby. You feel me? He really shook him down with that fricking, 0.99

00:15:13.100 that big coconut cane pole, daddy. He tied really. He snuck him. He snuck him with that magic arm duck. 0.99

00:15:20.380 You know, he bit him with that fricking, he bit him with that big, that elbowed quacker dog, 1.00

00:15:28.620 you know, that dirty duck that left or that right. I don't remember which one it was, but, 0.99

00:15:33.900 um, but there's just a way that like, and that's all because of Joe Rogan, you know, Joe Rogan did,

00:15:40.900 does comedy. He's done, he does UFC. He's the voice of UFC. And so you're just, it's interesting.

00:15:46.740 He's allowed to use, allowed to co-mingle with those people. And there's a level of,

00:15:52.260 I don't know if it's, it's definitely respect with the, towards the fighters because, you know,

00:15:55.920 they're fighters. So you, there's always a lot of respect towards fighters. Um, but there's a,

00:16:02.700 there's a level of respect that comes back from those guys towards the comedians and stuff.

00:16:06.480 You know, I think it's interesting because, you know, we all put ourselves out there in some way

00:16:15.200 to get an energy or a vibe or something to get a, to be seen or heard.

00:16:23.420 You know, fighters, they're fighting to get that, you know, they want to be, we're all trying to prove

00:16:32.260 something. We're all trying to fill in a, a, a void or a, a necessity.

00:16:42.340 There's these spaces inside of us that are missing a building block. And we're all trying to,

00:16:55.480 out in the world, just chiseling different moments and different goals

00:17:00.280 to get them to fill whatever that space is.

00:17:09.800 And, um, and I noticed a lot. I noticed it between fighters. I noticed it between comedians.

00:17:15.140 I noticed it between strippers, uh, porn, pornographists.

00:17:21.260 Um, but yeah, this need to, to, to be seen or noticed, uh, or complete.

00:17:30.280 Um, but yeah, and Joe Rogan's really build that, but he, but he, he makes it okay kind

00:17:38.980 of for comedians and fighters to interact because he's that Lego that's keeping that, uh, both

00:17:45.480 of those entities connected. Um, yeah, I went to the fights. Uh, I didn't know that Joe Rogan

00:17:54.540 and it left me two tickets. So I get there, I got one to, I just brought myself, you know?

00:18:02.960 Um, so I get there, I got, suddenly I got two tickets, but it's already into the, uh, undercard.

00:18:11.920 So I texted a couple of people. I didn't know anyone that lived in Vegas. So I texted Glenn

00:18:17.040 Big Baby Davis. He was a guest on this past weekend. You know, uh, he was an, he's a Louisiana

00:18:23.660 guy. I figured I'm there to see Dustin, another Louisiana guy to be great. Um, Glenn was, I

00:18:30.440 had just left town. And so then I'm a stuck, you know, and I thought about trying to text

00:18:36.640 a hooker or something, but then what if they show up, they don't look like their picture. 0.92

00:18:41.220 And then now you sit next to some lady that looks like Bert and Ernie. I don't know if 0.98

00:18:48.020 you ever done that, but some of them, you get an escort, they show up, they'll look like

00:18:52.520 Bert and Ernie. You're like, dang. Okay. This double puppet out here. I can't even, and nothing 1.00

00:19:00.480 like the, the picture they had on the internet. That is a gone, that is a, I mean, they must

00:19:07.880 have been hit by lightning and stung by bees or something because there will be a total

00:19:12.080 different vibe or energy coming off that woman. Beautiful ladies. And now look, and they're 1.00

00:19:17.380 beautiful ladies. I'm just saying the last minute. You also, you don't want to get a last 1.00

00:19:24.360 minute hooker. That's not some things there's, or escort. I shouldn't say hooker like it's, 0.99

00:19:30.100 you know, it sounds a little, I guess, like they're not doing anything. I mean, hooker and, 0.90

00:19:36.660 but I respect hookers and escorts. I respect anybody that's doing something like that. 1.00

00:19:46.300 You ever consider anything like that? Raleigh Mal, you ever considered in, you know, using,

00:19:53.600 you know, some men or something, if they're, if they're not having luck with women, they'll

00:19:58.520 get out there and get a lady of the night kind of, has it ever crossed your mind or what?

00:20:06.660 I know a few people that have, but not for me.

00:20:11.620 Okay. And what do you think about, like, do you feel, do you look down on it or it's just

00:20:15.700 not your thing? Do you feel like it would be too nervous of an interaction?

00:20:19.260 Uh, it's just, it's just not my thing. Yeah. And where, what type of place are you trying

00:20:26.240 to meet ladies these days? You at the laundromat? Are you doing, are you indoors, outdoors? Where

00:20:33.160 are you trying to meet these gals? Anywhere, anywhere. Um, never thought about a laundromat, 0.92

00:20:39.040 but hey, can't go wrong. Well, I'll tell you what's good about a laundromat is that

00:20:44.980 it's a place where, uh, women prefer to do laundry. And I'm not saying it's a sexist thing or a,

00:20:55.920 you know, I just, and I'll be honest, they do it better. You know, I've seen a dude with some

00:21:01.740 laundry and it's, it looks like somebody just kidnapped a bunch of clothes. You know, when

00:21:09.420 you see a guy with some laundry, it looks like it shouldn't really, it looks sad. I'm going

00:21:14.960 to say that. But a woman, you see laundry, you see her, she's able, it's just women are 1.00

00:21:21.280 more delicate. Clothes are delicate. So when you see the two together, it just has a more

00:21:29.300 comfortable fit. I'm not saying women need to do laundry. I'm not saying that at all. 0.95

00:21:37.060 Okay. I know a couple of cushy Viettes, you know, a couple of soft handed Viettes. You won't even see 1.00

00:21:42.860 them touch the pillowcase. And next thing you know, it's all, you know, folded into a damn duck or into 0.99

00:21:48.440 a damn, uh, Raven Simone. Even one of them could even fold it into a damn, you know, a Larry Bird. I 0.99

00:21:56.360 mean, you know, the ability sometimes of these, the small paws on a Vietnamese person to 0.99

00:22:02.260 maneuver the cloth into perfect shapes and stuff is, uh, magnifique as they say abroad, uh, magnifique.

00:22:16.100 But, um, what were we talking about? What were we talking about, Raleigh Mow? You remember?

00:22:25.420 Um, can't at the moment.

00:22:30.400 Alrighty, man. Me neither, bub. So I'm going to let you off the hook on that one. But, uh,

00:22:34.500 damn. Well, anyway, uh, went to the fights. Dustin won. I almost got to go in the ring when he won, 1.00

00:22:44.300 which was, which was, which would have been pretty cool. I mean, it's, you know, you're just there to

00:22:48.280 support him. Uh, you know, it was also awesome to see Sean O'Malley. Um, you know, he's just an

00:22:55.500 entertaining guy. Uh, and you know, he's trying to, you know, add to his knockout resume. Chris

00:23:05.360 Moutinho was the guy who fought him and the guy that was one of the most exciting parts of the night

00:23:12.720 was when that guy took, just kept taking the hits from, um, from Sean O'Malley. Because we all want to

00:23:22.480 like, keep going. We all want to take the hits and keep going. And we do, we do it on a day-to-day

00:23:29.260 basis. So to see this, this little, I mean, he had the green hair color, this little, uh, Jolly Rancher.

00:23:38.940 He looked like a My Little Pony kind of hopped up on Jolly Rancher candies.

00:23:44.080 But to see him, and I don't even say that in a rude way. I love, you know, I was fascinated.

00:23:49.560 It was the, it was the, it was one of the highlights of the evening.

00:23:54.300 People were chanting Rocky at one point. Um, to see him just keep going, to see them call

00:24:00.520 the fight at the end and not let him finish was a little rough. But, uh, but man, it was,

00:24:09.040 that was amazing because we all want to take the hits and keep going. And he did that. Uh,

00:24:15.200 yeah, that was amazing, man. Um, what else, what else is happening? What else happened this weekend?

00:24:24.640 We had some videos that came in, some submissions of things that were going on. Um, and I'll get

00:24:29.540 into those in just a second. Uh, we'll find out a little bit more what's going on from, uh,

00:24:35.440 Mr. Riley Mao and, and see what's happening out there in the, on the, uh, on the, in the hot,

00:24:43.440 in the hot, uh, hot world and the low key Christian, you know, young fella Asian world. 1.00

00:24:54.240 We'll get into that in just a second. I'm going to tell you this. Wouldn't it be great if there

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00:25:24.100 headspace has a three minute SOS meditation for you. God, I need that. You need help falling

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00:25:59.560 Go to headspace.com slash Theo. That's right. Go to headspace.com slash T-H-E-O for a free one

00:26:07.920 month trial with access to Headspace's full library of meditations for every situation.

00:26:15.840 It's the best deal offer right now. Head to headspace.com slash Theo today for a free one month trial.

00:26:24.100 You deserve it. You deserve it. I think also want to let you know that tickets are going on sale Friday

00:26:28.200 for, uh, the Netflix special taping. We will be taping in Nashville at the Ryman auditorium.

00:26:37.440 You'll be able to get those through Theo Vaughn.com slash tour. And that's where I would suggest that

00:26:43.560 you get them. Um, man, it's going to be exciting. Uh, what else? Oh, I'll tell you this. You need to

00:26:52.400 know it that ship station is the one who can do it for you. You know, people sell things online. You

00:26:59.700 ever sold something online, Riley now. I have. What'd you sell, Bubby? Oh man, I've sold iPads,

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00:28:41.900 Riley Mal, there was a lot of, you know, since you've been in here, there's been a lot of

00:28:46.600 alleged attack on Asian. In the world. Have you heard about this? I have. And were you

00:28:55.740 seeing any of that on your doorstep? Were you seeing, you know, anything like that? Were

00:29:02.660 people throwing torches through your windows or anything? What's going on? Give me your

00:29:06.740 feed on it. Man, I didn't even know it was a thing until someone brought it up to me and

00:29:13.020 I was like, oh, that's a thing. Do you see any reason why it's happening? Do you? See, I

00:29:26.240 can't decide. Here's the thing. Every day, probably 700 people get attacked, I would say in America.

00:29:35.740 Yeah. Just generally. Based on the numbers of people and the possibility of other people

00:29:43.680 that want to attack someone. Would you agree maybe that? Yeah. So some of those people are

00:29:51.760 going to be Asian just because there is Asian people that are alive. Right. Statistically, 1.00

00:30:00.660 they're just, so I can't tell if it's really a thing or if there's just, of the 700 attacks,

00:30:11.600 four of them are Asian. And so they make it, they just focus on them now, you know? 0.76

00:30:20.360 Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. What do you think about it?

00:30:25.040 No, I mean, you're, you're absolutely right. Um, I mean, there's just, you know, people are Asian.

00:30:33.020 Yep. They're, they're alive. It's going to happen.

00:30:37.620 Do you have any more insight? Are you hearing anything from your grandparents? Are you,

00:30:42.120 is anybody sending you a scroll or sending you something, you know, is there any,

00:30:46.760 you know, any, are you getting any old school information? Is there, what's, what's, what's

00:30:56.380 coming down the Asian pipeline that you're hearing? Are you guys, you know, getting armored up? What's,

00:31:02.680 is there any intel you can give us? Yeah, man. No, I mean, as far as I am in my family, we're,

00:31:09.540 we're clean. I haven't heard anything. Okay. And have anybody been attacked your folks or anything?

00:31:14.660 Hmm. No. Okay. So it's not at your doorstep, huh? Uh, not that I know of. Yeah. Well, good,

00:31:25.020 man. I'm glad you're staying safe and, uh, and you're staying busy out there and I'm happy to see

00:31:32.260 you today, bub. Great to be here. Great to see you too. Alrighty. Let's get into a little more.

00:31:43.240 Let's get into a little more. Um, I've also got some tickets out there for Huntsville,

00:31:48.920 Alabama. People can go check it out. Uh, yeah. What else happened at the fight? Let me think

00:31:53.880 what else happened. There was a lot of, I ran into a lot of great people. There was so many like,

00:31:57.680 um, TPW fans, King in the sting list or TPW listeners, King in the sting listeners. And that

00:32:04.800 was great. Just running across people. Uh, you know, the Uber situation in Vegas was insane.

00:32:13.400 The taxi lines, it was all insane. There was a Bruno Mark concert going on. You listen to Bruno

00:32:19.480 Marr rally. I do. All right. We got a, we had a Bruno Marr going on. You had Garth Brooks

00:32:29.900 who was basically the white Bruno Mars, the white senior citizen, Bruno Mars at this point.

00:32:35.120 And he hid the bodies or whatever, but you got Garth Brooks. Then you had, um, the UFC

00:32:43.360 and, uh, and man, it was just, there was, it was just so many people going around and, um,

00:32:54.340 what else? Yeah. Was that the fight? So anyway, I'm sitting next to an empty seat the whole time

00:32:58.220 because I had an extra ticket, couldn't find anybody to go and you don't want to get a last 0.96

00:33:04.100 minute hooker. I don't feel like you don't, it's just, it's just a life just because there's

00:33:18.480 that risque moment and anybody that's ever been involved in hookering, you know, whether you've 0.93

00:33:24.380 been a consumer or whether you've sold, sold weenie or sold a female crotch that, you know,

00:33:37.500 I mean, it's the picture of people put out there on the interwebs is not the picture that shows up

00:33:44.500 at the door. Okay. It is a little different. It's kind of like pizza. It's like, kind of like

00:33:51.740 dominoes or, you know, the thing, the stuff you see on the, on the documents, on the, uh,

00:33:57.880 fanflets or whatever. That's not, it looks good. The Cinnabons are with a crunchy, you know,

00:34:03.380 the cinnamon, you know, little, you know, chum nuggets or whatever they're called. I don't know

00:34:10.640 what they're called. You know what those are called rally mail? I don't. Awesome. And so the,

00:34:17.620 uh, whatever, anyway, the treats on the thing on the, uh, fanflets look good. They look good.

00:34:23.760 The shit you shows up at your door looks fucking, you know, that's what that. And, and so I just 1.00

00:34:37.840 didn't want some, you know, what, you know, some lady who's got 2000 lip injections and she's, 1.00

00:34:44.640 you know, if she, you know, her lips are like a flotation device in case something happens, 0.99

00:34:50.220 you know, like on an airplane, they would be doing the thing in the beginning. Like,

00:34:54.920 you know, a mask will fall from the ceiling. Please put the thing, you know, there's a life,

00:34:58.900 uh, dress, uh, dressing under your seat. Please pull it out and put it around your neck. And she 0.94

00:35:04.860 would just point her lips like, Hey, if we go into water, I'm good. You know, I got these fucking 0.99

00:35:10.940 tongue pontoons up here on the outside of my mouth hole. That's going to keep us all safe, 0.99

00:35:16.860 you know? So I just didn't want to get, um, I don't know. I did. That was just a risky move.

00:35:24.460 And then also I didn't want to sell the ticket because I didn't want Joe Rogan here. And Oh,

00:35:29.000 I sold his fucking ticket, even though he probably would have appreciated it. You know, 0.99

00:35:33.480 I know he's a capitalist guy, just like all the, the, the rest of us are in this country or,

00:35:39.640 you know, but I just didn't know. So anyway, I had an extra seat and I was by myself.

00:35:48.200 Um, I was right behind, uh, Dustin, Dustin's wife and, um, and his like kind of family friends,

00:35:59.840 Tim and, and, um, and his wife. And so it was kind of a, I could go up and talk with them and

00:36:08.020 that was exciting. Um, and you could see the different celebrities coming in and out. That

00:36:13.580 was pretty cool. Oh, one thing that's tough about, um, the last time I'd, when I got to sit in the

00:36:23.880 seats that are right behind Joe Rogan. So one thing I realized when I'm over there, when I sat over

00:36:29.520 there, you can hear the commentators commentating the fights. You can hear what's going on. The

00:36:37.080 seats that I had this time, I wasn't close enough to hear them. So you don't hear any commentating

00:36:42.040 like at home. You hear the commentating on a television, but I, I, I wasn't hearing any of

00:36:49.080 that. So you're just kind of looking a lot. It's a lot of looking and listening, but not hearing like

00:36:59.500 a ton. It's kind of like birdwatching. It's a little, a little bit like birdwatching. Um,

00:37:09.840 after the fight, I snuck in, uh, into the back area. I got to hang out with met some of the

00:37:17.680 Cleveland Browns. That was really cool, man. Actually super nice guys. Baker Mayfield, uh,

00:37:24.020 Austin Hooper respect man. Um, you know, we talked about the dark arts, I guess he's, you

00:37:31.800 know, he definitely is, uh, he knew about them. And so we discussed some of that and, and,

00:37:38.860 uh, and Odell Beckham Jr. Met that man. Um, who else was back there? Uh, uh, uh, David

00:37:53.880 Cho, who's friends with Bobby Lee. You know, that guy is, uh, Riley Mal? I do. There you

00:38:04.760 go. And, um, yeah, there was some different Sia, there was some different musicians, you

00:38:13.020 know, all the celebrities that you saw on television. If you watch the fight, um, JB was there, Justin

00:38:20.020 Bieber. I didn't get to see him, Donald Trump. I didn't get to see him. I saw him come in,

00:38:24.800 but I didn't get to say, Hey, or anything. Um, but it was definitely, you know, it's just

00:38:31.520 all of what's going on. You got the fighters, you got the fan. It was just, it was exciting.

00:38:36.880 Uh, but the difference is the value in seeing it on television is you can hear the commentators.

00:38:43.880 You can hear what's going on. And the tough thing about being at the venue is you don't

00:38:50.500 get any of that. So you just guessing, are they in an arm roll? Are they in a, you know,

00:38:56.660 did he put them in a leg monster? What happened? You know, is he bleeding? Is he bruised? Is

00:39:02.720 he, you know, did he have too much, you know, breakfast? You don't, you don't have any of the

00:39:08.220 information. Is he on the front foot, side control, you know, mission control, missionary.

00:39:15.160 You don't know any, if you're on television, you get Joe and John and, uh, Daniel Cormier

00:39:22.340 telling you the different thing. But when you're just standing there looking, you don't know if the

00:39:28.000 guy is, uh, you know, if he's flat footed, if he's got two arms, if he's, you know, doing a double

00:39:34.960 entendre, you don't know if he's, you know, you don't know if some guys getting beaten. Uh, you

00:39:41.180 don't know if the, if it's, you know, you don't know if somebody has asthma, if they won their last

00:39:46.600 fight, you don't know if, uh, you know, sugar Sean's about to knock the color, you know, the food

00:39:54.040 coloring out that one dude. I mean, you just, you don't know any of the information. So, but it was

00:40:01.320 magical. Uh, you know, it was really magical. It was just great to be there to be able to support

00:40:06.460 Dustin. Then I got to go over to Dustin and, uh, his wife's home after, um, and meet some of his

00:40:14.780 coaches. And that was really cool. Cause I got to ask them some questions. Uh, I met the owner of the

00:40:21.600 Atlanta Hawks, the basketball team. I'm kind of just bragging here, but it was just interesting. Just, you

00:40:28.540 just interesting people to talk to about stuff. I, they had a Uber driver that drove a Brown 0.99

00:40:34.220 car and I'd never seen a Brown car since my dad had one. You know, my dad had a, uh, Delta

00:40:44.860 Cutlass 88. He had that Delta Cutlass 88 and it had, he bought it off a couple of brothers

00:40:54.560 down the block and it had 22s in a trunk and he didn't need the 22, but he couldn't hear

00:41:03.060 anyone. My father couldn't hear. Well, you know, when I got to know my father, he was

00:41:06.700 in his, you know, probably about 78 time I got to kind of start to know him and he would

00:41:14.360 drive us around and just listen, uh, you know, news and public radio on with, with base, you

00:41:23.300 know, so it'd just be like, uh, Jesse Jackson, you know, just listening to just stuff about

00:41:30.760 politics and like, you know, I mean, it was just, it was crazy, you know, listening to

00:41:38.540 the weather. This is 70% chance of brain. Just these huge 22s just rattling the trunk.

00:41:49.100 And one of them had China, had old Chinese food and it kind of fermented in there. But

00:41:57.920 anyway, let's get into a couple of videos that came in. Raleigh, tell me about this. Have

00:42:02.880 you been on any other date since I've seen you?

00:42:06.280 Uh, I was close to one, but, uh, no.

00:42:10.840 And what kind of gal was it? If you had to describe her, give me five words to describe 0.99

00:42:14.980 her. Uh, let's see. Brunette, cute, funny, talented. 1.00

00:42:23.900 Female.

00:42:25.360 Okay. Talented seems like a re I mean, talented seems like what was the talent?

00:42:32.960 Uh, she, you know, everyone in Nashville, she, uh, she sings, plays guitar, plays piano.

00:42:39.140 Musician gal. Yeah. That's right. Oh, wait, I forgot. You also were involved in some sort

00:42:44.640 of crime thing or something, weren't you? I was.

00:42:49.400 And what, um, yeah, what did you, what, what happened with that? Did you, what, what, what

00:42:56.500 was that deal? I remember somebody sent me a picture and said, and I'm sorry, I didn't

00:43:00.780 check in with you, but it was late at night when I got it. And I think I was probably watching

00:43:05.400 a movie or something or watching a, uh, one of those 2020 episodes. Have you ever seen

00:43:10.120 this show? I have. God, it's good. And, but, uh, anyway, yeah. What happened with you?

00:43:17.100 Yeah. I mean, just, you know, super long story, but basically, um, you know, it was just, just

00:43:22.940 a couple of roommates. Um, but I, um, uh, I don't talk to them anymore. You know, they

00:43:28.220 don't talk to me, which is good. Um, so we've, we've gone our separate ways. Um, and did

00:43:34.020 you go to jail or anything? I did not. Okay. Could you handle it in jail? You think, what

00:43:40.340 do you think you would do if you went? Uh, I think I could handle it. I don't see

00:43:47.760 that, but I do like your attitude about it, man. Yeah. Not a lot of people see it. Really?

00:43:52.960 Yeah. Do you think you would have like a, would you keep a weapon on you or something?

00:43:57.540 Um, I mean, in prison, I don't think that's allowed. If it was loud. Oh yeah. Okay. Right

00:44:07.180 there. I'm telling you, look, I'm gonna tell you straight up, Bobby, you don't, you're, you're,

00:44:11.240 you don't stand a chance. You are going to get torpedoed in the bot. If you don't have a weapon

00:44:21.880 and all it's, of course it's not allowed. All right. If you are going in prison by what

00:44:27.640 is allowed, dude, you're done. You're done, Bobby. You know, and I'm sorry to tell you

00:44:34.860 that straight up, but you can't get to prison and be like, Hey guys, let me see the rule

00:44:39.020 book. Uh, you know, for I settle in for the night, you will die in your sleep by murder,

00:44:46.520 not natural causes. Yeah. You're not wrong. So I think you gotta, you gotta have a shank.

00:44:53.260 You gotta have a shiv. You gotta have a throwing star, a death star, get a culturally appropriate 0.87

00:44:58.440 weapon, get a damn, uh, Sia or something. Who was the Ninja Turtle that had the damn, 0.99

00:45:05.200 the weird thing that nobody ever wanted to be that guy? Uh, yes, yes. Yeah. 0.98

00:45:11.100 Who was he? Do you know it? Um, not off the top of my head. No, it's been, it's been a hot

00:45:17.280 minute. That's your people, Bubby. And he had the Sia's, I think they're called or Sia's

00:45:22.560 or something or Sia's size. But anyway, uh, yeah, get a weapon, man. And if you thought

00:45:29.520 about the thing, what would you say if you're dying, Raleigh? Uh, I've not. Okay. Do you

00:45:36.700 have, has anything kind of come to your head that was, you know, your last words?

00:45:43.100 Hmm. Not that I could think of. All right. We'll come back to you in a little bit.

00:45:50.040 The last words is a tough one. You know, your wife shows up, puts four or five shells right 1.00

00:45:58.680 in your cleavage or whatever in your neck. What do you say? What do you, oh, why did you

00:46:06.220 do it? You know, you want to go out with something heroic, you know? You want to go

00:46:13.860 out like with a, you know, oh, I'm awesome. You know, like you want to get whatever, you

00:46:23.720 know, you want to, what would you say? Hit the hotline with that 985-664-9503. I would

00:46:32.280 love to know, what would you say? It's your last words. You've just been shivved

00:46:39.920 or, you know, or poquered or whatever they are. You know, some Asian fella hit you in 1.00

00:46:46.200 the damn back with a bow staff or something. You know? Some freaking G'd out V-Ed in a damn 1.00

00:46:53.680 rice rocket. Just ran over you and now he's going to run back over you. You know, he's just, 1.00

00:47:01.360 he's, he's, he's just, uh, softening you up for the Lord with that Honda Civic. And you

00:47:11.180 get one chance to say something. What do you say? Ah, you know, go to hell. I mean, what

00:47:16.900 do you say? I could have, I'm hungry. What do you say? You got a last words. What do you

00:47:28.820 say? It's a good question. Uh, we had a lot of neat stuff that came in for the episode.

00:47:34.460 I want to take a peek at some of it right now. Um, here's a question that came in right

00:47:40.200 here. Here we go, gang. Hey, this is Dakota out of North Carolina. And there's a video

00:47:46.940 question and thank you Dakota for sending this in, you know, and I like seeing video question.

00:47:52.820 I can get a visual of you because without visual, I don't know. I hear your voice. I don't

00:47:58.700 know who you are. Are you a senior citizen? Are you black? Are you brown? Are you white?

00:48:05.920 Are you pink? Are you pink? Do you have a skin condition or something? Which is fine if you 0.84

00:48:13.300 do. You know, when I was growing up, we had a fella bust real, real tender skin. He didn't

00:48:19.120 get all, uh, eight layers of skin. You know, kind of God shorted him and he, he, he, old

00:48:28.900 five layer. And his name was Franklin, bro. And they would call him five layer Franklin.

00:48:36.320 And damn, sometimes you would see the sun poke out the clouds and almost just put him 0.99

00:48:41.680 on his damn knees. Dear God. And so people would run over with umbrellas or something. 1.00

00:48:48.260 He always had a couple of umbrellas on him. But damn old five layer, they couldn't even, 1.00

00:48:54.840 you pat him on the back and almost fucking put him on the ground. You know, you could feel 1.00

00:48:58.260 his spine real well. You could feel a C spine, T spine. You could feel his LMNOP spine if

00:49:06.980 he was a damn pervert. But praise God. Thank you for sending this message in here, Dakota 1.00

00:49:13.700 from North Carolina. And if you'd like to talk about basketball or, or chewing tobacco, then

00:49:22.520 you will love North Carolina, man. It's where you could put a, you could hit a three pointer

00:49:29.220 and you could put a damn six pointer in your lip. If you get one of them high dose, uh, 0.96

00:49:36.200 dipping snuff packets onward.

00:49:39.240 I was just wondering how you feel about the trade world, you know, like the trade industries, 0.98

00:49:44.720 welders, pussy boy, electricians, you know, people who do drywall shit like that. 1.00

00:49:52.180 You know, I'm a welder. I got my helmet right here. And I was just wondering, 0.99

00:49:58.400 you know, how you feel about kids getting into the trade world instead of going to college,

00:50:04.700 you know?

00:50:05.580 Gang baby, that's a good question, mister. You know, I have a brother-in-law, young fella

00:50:10.140 named Ricky, I think that's his name. That's what he told me his name was. And he could have lied to

00:50:15.960 me, but he's, he's, he said it for years. That's what it was. But he, um, he's a welder

00:50:24.420 and he really seems to enjoy it. And, and I really think it's a good trade and you can just be

00:50:33.040 guaranteed kind of knowing what money you're going to make. You don't have to go to college

00:50:38.520 where you, anything could happen at college. You could get down, you know, you get a lot of

00:50:43.140 diseases hit the dormitories and people get some yellow fever. Raleigh Mao, you ever have something

00:50:51.060 hit the dormitories or something? I've not. Okay. Do you ever stay in a communal living type of place

00:51:01.100 for education? I did. And what happened in there? Did anybody come, ever come down with a stomach

00:51:07.120 flu or something? Even at least ants, did y'all get anything in the building? Anything that,

00:51:12.220 you know, a grievance that brought you guys together communally? Um, not that I could think of.

00:51:19.300 All right. All right. Good. Well, that's awesome. But, um, here's what I'm telling you,

00:51:26.040 uh, brother is that, yeah, it's good. Get a trade, know what you're going to do. Then you're in

00:51:30.420 control of it. You go to college, you take an anthropology, you know, you take four years

00:51:36.200 anthropology, you fucking work in anthropology. You don't even, you know, you never see a damn 0.99

00:51:41.480 insect unless they got a damn roach hiding in a quilt in the back. So I think you have to, 0.99

00:51:48.080 you know, you know, you're in control of your destiny. And I like welding, man. I do like it.

00:51:54.980 I used to work at a piping. I used to work at a piping company and my job was washing off

00:52:03.120 all the clevis hangers and the pipe fitter stuff and just organizing it. And I had to

00:52:10.940 paint and they had this kind of rubber stuff, this sealant you have to put on things. And

00:52:15.760 every now and then, uh, this song by Sugar Ray would come on a radio. And, uh,

00:52:34.100 and Sugar Ray also sounds like a nickname of like a, a gay man.

00:52:40.180 But anyway, every time this, this band Sugar Ray would come on the radio and they had a song

00:52:48.380 called, I just want to fly. You ever heard this song Riley? I have not. Well, you got to get out

00:52:56.060 more, bubby. And, uh, it would come on and the welders would stop their welding and they'd make us

00:53:02.920 subservience. We was a couple of us, me and this, my tall friend, Billy, he got bit by a shark and he

00:53:08.480 died actually, not at the same time. He died later from something else, aneurysm or pills, but

00:53:14.840 God bless him. And I miss him. He was tall and, and he was an asshole. My friend Billy was a complete

00:53:21.800 asshole, but, uh, but he had, he also was nice. You know, he also was funny and we had a nice time 1.00

00:53:30.460 working together and we would work up, we worked with this other little fella named Soldier.

00:53:37.500 Soldier, this black gentleman. And he was, he had on about 90 do rags and, and he didn't do shit. 0.99

00:53:42.840 That's the irony. He would come to work and not do shit. Like how you can have on 90 do rags and you 0.99

00:53:48.720 ain't doing shit. But we had a good time, man. But anyway, when the song would come on, I just want to 0.97

00:53:54.820 fly or cry. Maybe it could have been, I just want to cry. Fly. I just want to fly. By Sugar Rays, uh,

00:54:04.440 that welders would make us dance, you know, and they threatened us with the torches and they'd make

00:54:08.520 us dance. But, uh, very Lord of the Flies ass kind of shit, but we made the most of it. And, 0.99

00:54:14.220 and I really loved it, man. I loved going over there. I love the sense of community.

00:54:18.240 You know, I loved, uh, there was drug use if you wanted it. And I didn't mind that. Um,

00:54:28.560 so yeah, I think getting a trade, doing some welding, you get to wear neat hats. Welders have

00:54:32.920 neat hats, you know, some cool little deals and, uh, and their wives get mad at them a lot. I remember

00:54:42.200 that. A lot of the fellows would talk about how their wives were always mad at them. And we'd have

00:54:47.520 good lunches. Get you a little big po' boy sandwich, man. Go over there by Sweet Gerald's. 0.99

00:54:52.580 They had a gay fella over there on the West Bank of New Orleans. The name's a little sandwich place 1.00

00:54:58.100 over there named Sweet Gerald's. And God damn, it was good. The roast beef was wet, bro. 0.99

00:55:07.780 Sweet Gerald, I'll say this. He had a look in his eye like he, he's sweet in the meat personally.

00:55:12.840 You know what I'm saying? And that was, that made you kind of cringe a little, you know,

00:55:19.000 when you swallowed, but after you, you know, once you had a couple of mouthfuls of it, you

00:55:22.480 didn't, you weren't complaining anymore. But praise God, brother. Thank you for sending in that

00:55:27.560 question. Let's get to one more here. Oh, we got some hood fireworks in Chicago over here. 1.00

00:55:35.840 Let's watch that.

00:55:37.580 This is going to go crazy. 1.00

00:55:40.500 Wow, that bitch, son. Two in that bitch. 1.00

00:55:42.560 Oh, a sewer on baby, just like that, bro. 1.00

00:55:47.160 Damn. 1.00

00:55:47.980 Oh, that bitch, boy. 1.00

00:55:49.100 Oh, that bitch. 1.00

00:55:50.120 Oh, that bitch, boy. 1.00

00:55:52.580 Oh, that bitch, gang. 1.00

00:55:53.840 Oh, that bitch, gang. 1.00

00:55:54.700 Oh, that bitch, gang. 1.00

00:55:56.140 Oh, that bitch rockin'. 1.00

00:55:59.840 Oh, that bitch rockin'. 1.00

00:56:01.840 Damn. 1.00

00:56:02.260 And you can hear children crying in the background of that. 1.00

00:56:07.780 That is a very Fallujah vibe, you know.

00:56:12.300 And hood fireworks is what it is, man.

00:56:14.580 I mean, here's the thing. 0.99

00:56:18.540 Everybody want to shut the hood down, but if you don't have the hood, you don't have hood shit going on. 0.98

00:56:25.180 And you don't have this one. 0.99

00:56:26.400 That last, that last shell almost hit a damn dove, it looked like. 0.88

00:56:30.200 But, man, this is some real, I mean, you almost got to, they should make a team or something, this group. 1.00

00:56:40.560 The guy in the back yelling, hold that bitch, gangsta. 1.00

00:56:44.580 You know, these men are having a good time, a couple of adult men out there. 1.00

00:56:50.240 You know, firing fireworks in the daytime.

00:56:53.020 That was the interesting part of this, daytime still.

00:56:55.040 So, kind of wonder what the end game was there with firing some shells. 0.99

00:57:00.120 This shit looked real, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them was in it, drove off an MRAP, man. 0.99

00:57:06.560 This looked real, uh, militario. 1.00

00:57:10.080 So, what else?

00:57:12.540 We got a lady duct taped to a plane seat. 1.00

00:57:15.000 Let's look at this video.

00:57:16.060 Somebody sent it in.

00:57:16.900 Thank you for the submission.

00:57:17.740 And that's a lady exiting the plane as she looked over and you see the lady sitting there duct taped. 1.00

00:57:44.800 And they duct tape her mouth, but they didn't do a good job. 0.99

00:57:48.460 Have you seen this video, Riley?

00:57:51.420 I have.

00:57:52.740 And what do you think when you see that kind of thing?

00:57:54.820 What do you feel?

00:57:55.560 What do you think?

00:57:57.440 Um, I mean, it's a thing that happens.

00:58:05.020 Well, now, previously they had a fellow that beat him down and drug him out of the flight a year and a half ago or two years ago.

00:58:11.240 You remember that?

00:58:12.080 I do.

00:58:13.320 And now it's come to this.

00:58:14.940 Now they're just leaving him in there, I guess, and just taping him up.

00:58:17.940 Do you think that this is kind of handled properly?

00:58:23.580 What would you do?

00:58:24.340 You're at a flight, you're at 2,000 feet or whatever.

00:58:27.640 You know, you're on an airline.

00:58:30.020 Somebody starts losing it.

00:58:31.300 What is the, uh, and you're also a Weeblow scout.

00:58:35.580 What scout are you, Riley?

00:58:36.880 Eagle.

00:58:37.520 Eagle, my bad.

00:58:39.340 Now, as an Eagle scout, is this an appropriate way to detain somebody?

00:58:42.780 Is there a special type of, uh, knot you would have done?

00:58:46.780 Um, I mean, I think in, uh, if you're 2,000 feet in the air, uh, this is the only thing you can do.

00:58:55.060 Is duct tape them?

00:58:56.380 Yeah.

00:58:56.860 What kind of knot could have helped?

00:58:58.280 Is there any knot that if you ever have to keep someone to a chair, what knot do you go?

00:59:04.420 And this may be more of a question for a Weeblow.

00:59:06.320 I don't know the different gradients.

00:59:09.360 Uh, no.

00:59:10.480 Honestly, any knot will do.

00:59:12.720 Okay.

00:59:13.760 You have a favorite knot?

00:59:16.040 Uh, I like the bone line knot.

00:59:19.080 Hmm.

00:59:21.080 Okay.

00:59:21.360 Or the clove hitch.

00:59:22.780 Oh, okay.

00:59:24.300 Okay.

00:59:26.560 Um, and, and, and I want to say, what do you think's leading to this kind of thing?

00:59:31.960 Do you, I think there's a lot of, people are not used to being around each other anymore.

00:59:35.940 We've gotten a little bit more solo.

00:59:39.140 It's the me generation is, and they're all me generations now. 0.57

00:59:44.020 We're by ourselves.

00:59:45.380 We're in our own worlds.

00:59:46.640 When we have to interact with others, it stresses us out.

00:59:49.680 We're not used to it.

00:59:52.520 And nothing is more stressful than being on an airplane.

00:59:54.860 Of course, where every other video you see, somebody's fist fighting, they're losing a tooth, they're attacking people.

01:00:03.660 So, it doesn't shock me that this is the place where the stress hits the fan. 0.99

01:00:09.780 Where the shit stress hits the propeller. 0.99

01:00:13.760 And they duct tape the lady to a plane seat. 1.00

01:00:18.780 What do you think is an alternative to duct taping a man like this, Riley?

01:00:22.980 Um, I mean, if you're 2,000 feet in the air, I don't know if there is another.

01:00:32.920 Wrong answer, buddy.

01:00:34.200 Sedating.

01:00:35.580 It would be sedating.

01:00:36.860 And, you know, this goes back to the, you know, I was at a funeral recently.

01:00:43.000 A guy died.

01:00:43.760 Everybody I know dies.

01:00:45.160 And, uh, and I was at the funeral and I saw my principal from when I was in third grade.

01:00:52.240 And he used to be able to give me corporal punishment.

01:00:57.060 That's where they can beat you with the, uh, spatula. 1.00

01:00:59.480 Or with the, not spatula, but with the big wooden plank.

01:01:02.200 And this dude roughed me down a couple times.

01:01:05.680 Bill Brady was his name.

01:01:07.740 And I said, he aged well.

01:01:10.720 He aged well.

01:01:11.740 Still looks like he, you know, he could, uh, he could really put it on me.

01:01:19.400 You know, I mean, he could. 1.00

01:01:21.600 It's still like he'd make par on my ass with that wooden plank. 0.99

01:01:25.020 You know, I'm talking greens and regulation. 0.99

01:01:26.880 This dude would be up down with that thing.

01:01:28.640 He knew how to work the paddle.

01:01:30.240 And that was when you went to the principal's office.

01:01:32.040 They could beat you.

01:01:35.580 And that's what I think we should have.

01:01:38.820 Instead of having, you know, you hit him with a couple pills. 0.98

01:01:45.940 Give him that butt lozenge, bro. 1.00

01:01:47.820 Throw it in that back jaw, daddy. 1.00

01:01:49.440 You know, hit him with that, uh, suppository. 0.96

01:01:53.800 You guys do a lot of suppositories in your culture, Riley?

01:01:57.860 I don't.

01:01:59.820 And have you ever seen them or have you ever done them?

01:02:03.100 Uh, I've not.

01:02:07.480 Alrighty.

01:02:09.300 Well, a lot of them, I'll tell you what it is. 0.99

01:02:10.880 They take a butt, a vitamin or something, put it in your butt. 1.00

01:02:13.400 Or a pill, they put it in your butt. 1.00

01:02:14.760 Do you know that? 1.00

01:02:18.160 I do.

01:02:20.780 Well, at least you guys are knowing it.

01:02:23.460 You know, uh, and they say it's because your intestine absorbs drugs or whatever it is pretty quick.

01:02:31.040 So, but that'll do it for you right there.

01:02:34.340 Getting that in you.

01:02:35.180 Uh, that's what I say.

01:02:36.580 You plant, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:02:37.720 Give them that fucking hot nugget up the old anus. 1.00

01:02:41.960 And next thing you know, they're out. 1.00

01:02:43.100 You don't have them duct tape.

01:02:44.200 And who even taped this lady? 0.99

01:02:46.040 The taping job is minimal, I feel like.

01:02:51.500 You know, it's basically shoulder tape and then just the mouth.

01:02:55.280 Like, you gotta, I would say, the lady also has green hair. 1.00

01:02:59.980 You know, it's just, we're at the point where these are the loose ends of society.

01:03:07.960 These are the loose ends of society.

01:03:09.700 And God bless that lady. 1.00

01:03:11.760 All right.

01:03:12.960 Here we go right here.

01:03:14.820 Um, a guy who looks like me.

01:03:19.100 Getting on girls. 0.98

01:03:20.300 Here's a guy right there.

01:03:37.140 Oh, he's staying confident.

01:03:38.480 The hard part is to stay confident and look at a woman. 1.00

01:03:44.720 Oh.

01:03:45.120 Not bad there.

01:03:51.780 Um, Riley, what do you, do you struggle with the, with the actual moving in for the kiss?

01:03:57.020 I've spoken about this recently a lot on this show.

01:03:59.980 And do you struggle with that kind of thing?

01:04:02.640 What do you, where do you, where do you struggle with when it comes to those intimate moments?

01:04:07.700 I mean, yeah.

01:04:09.080 I mean, last time I remember it was my first kiss.

01:04:12.420 Um, and, uh, it was, it was interesting.

01:04:15.120 It was, it was a little tough.

01:04:18.560 And what is the tough part?

01:04:20.700 Like starting the kiss, maintaining it.

01:04:22.920 Once you kind of get the kiss going, do you remember what the tough, what was some of the real strain?

01:04:30.580 Uh, it was just starting off.

01:04:32.320 Um, once you're in it, you're in it.

01:04:35.760 And when you're in the kiss, do you then kind of, do you try and, what do you do with your hands?

01:04:41.060 You put your hands around the woman? 0.98

01:04:42.700 Are you, uh, were you aiming for breasts?

01:04:46.380 Were you trying to make further moves? 0.64

01:04:49.360 Or were you just focusing on the mouth and the mouth, um, activity?

01:04:55.360 I mean, I just put my arms around her like I was hugging her.

01:04:58.220 That's it.

01:04:58.560 Oh, beautiful.

01:04:59.580 And was that indoors or outdoors?

01:05:01.680 Indoors. 0.99

01:05:02.300 Oh God, yeah.

01:05:04.640 Yeah.

01:05:05.180 Take the weather out of the equation, man.

01:05:06.940 Keep more balls in your court, you know?

01:05:09.080 Exactly.

01:05:10.800 And was that the last kiss you've had?

01:05:13.220 As of right now, yes.

01:05:14.520 Hmm.

01:05:16.140 We got to get you back out there, man.

01:05:18.880 We got to get you back out there.

01:05:20.660 And how do you fend off the desire to touch yourself then?

01:05:23.600 That's what I struggle with sometimes.

01:05:25.960 I just don't have that desire.

01:05:27.680 Wow.

01:05:29.640 And do you think it's because you're Asian?

01:05:31.680 Do you think it's because you are, what do you attribute that to?

01:05:36.520 Because a lot of Asian people have that inner power.

01:05:39.860 Um, I don't know if it's an Asian thing.

01:05:41.840 I think it's a, it's a Lord thing.

01:05:44.140 Okay.

01:05:45.980 Wow, man. 0.96

01:05:46.980 Yeah, because a lot of whites are just out here just spraying out. 0.99

01:05:55.940 You know? 0.92

01:05:58.380 Yeah.

01:06:01.040 So good for you, Bubba.

01:06:02.580 Uh, all right.

01:06:05.360 Let's get into a couple more questions here.

01:06:07.560 And I also want to let people know that the sun's out.

01:06:11.820 And your bum is out.

01:06:15.000 But hopefully, your pubic hair is not. 0.93

01:06:19.320 You got pubic hair, Riley Mal?

01:06:21.580 I do.

01:06:23.920 Flip-flop season is upon us.

01:06:26.220 And you're out here with those post-pandemic toenails.

01:06:29.520 You got to tighten yourself up.

01:06:31.520 Our friends at Manscaped have you covered.

01:06:33.660 They just launched their fourth generation performance package.

01:06:37.840 And their Shears 2.0 nail grooming kit.

01:06:41.640 Join the Manscaped movement by going to manscaped.com slash Theo for 20% off and free shipping.

01:06:49.240 That's right.

01:06:49.920 But the Performance Package 4.0 includes the new Lawn Mower 4.0.

01:06:55.900 This trimmer will change the way you approach your grooming routine.

01:07:01.900 And, you know, mine was, I got one.

01:07:03.660 It didn't, I got to get the, my chargers messed up or something.

01:07:06.840 But I got to get, the one time I used it, man, it was good.

01:07:10.600 Got a light on it.

01:07:11.560 You can see what you're doing.

01:07:12.560 That's right.

01:07:15.180 If the power goes out, you can use your Lawn Mower 4.0 to illuminate the way.

01:07:18.960 It has an LED spotlight. 0.74

01:07:20.420 You can see your junk.

01:07:23.080 Get 20% off and free shipping by going to manscaped.com slash Theo.

01:07:26.720 Support the podcast, guys.

01:07:28.820 The podcast will disappear if there isn't support for it.

01:07:34.660 Manscaped.com slash Theo for 20% off and free shipping.

01:07:38.680 Manscaped.com slash Theo.

01:07:41.960 So, tame that summer swamp in your pants with manscaped.com slash Theo.

01:07:49.880 I'm going to let you also know about BetterHelp, man.

01:07:52.760 You ever been to a therapist, Riley?

01:07:55.840 I have not.

01:07:57.200 Well, you will one day, Bubby.

01:07:58.820 And when you do, man, there's BetterHelp.

01:08:02.080 And you can do it online.

01:08:03.840 You can do it on your phone.

01:08:05.040 You can do it on FaceTime.

01:08:07.740 You know, I remember one time I was trapped somewhere.

01:08:10.740 I don't even remember where.

01:08:12.740 It could have been daytime or nighttime.

01:08:14.440 I couldn't even remember.

01:08:15.080 I couldn't even see that well.

01:08:16.820 But I needed help.

01:08:19.680 And God was, he wasn't not available, but I needed something.

01:08:24.300 I wanted something different at the moment.

01:08:25.800 And that's why I needed BetterHelp.

01:08:29.840 BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.

01:08:34.900 You can start communicating in under 48 hours.

01:08:37.440 It's not a crisis line.

01:08:40.280 This is therapy.

01:08:41.040 These are licensed therapists.

01:08:43.340 It's committed to facilitating great therapist matches.

01:08:47.000 So they make it easy and free to change counselors.

01:08:50.660 If you don't like your counselor, get a new counselor.

01:08:53.880 This is one of the biggest issues with getting help.

01:08:55.820 People get stuck with it.

01:08:57.400 They start with a counselor and they stay with one, even though they know it's not helping them.

01:09:02.180 Change it up.

01:09:05.240 Change it up.

01:09:07.040 You're there to get help.

01:09:08.080 You're not there to, you know, just, it's not, you know, you're there to get better.

01:09:12.940 Make sure it's a relationship that you can communicate in positively and negatively.

01:09:24.040 Visit BetterHelp.com slash Theo.

01:09:26.660 That's Better H-E-L-P. 1.00

01:09:29.480 Join the over 1 million people who've taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

01:09:34.680 This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

01:09:37.580 We all need help.

01:09:38.500 And this past weekend, listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash T-H-E-O.

01:09:56.020 I'll say this also.

01:09:57.420 We got new merch available.

01:10:00.700 Theovan.com slash store.

01:10:03.140 We also have the art for sale.

01:10:05.520 The podcast Ville art.

01:10:06.860 If you've seen the beautiful animation art that Papio Tune has done, go to Theovan.pixels.com.

01:10:17.600 You can get the podcast Ville mugs.

01:10:19.660 You can get the art.

01:10:20.740 It's beautiful when they deliver it.

01:10:22.740 Really nice stuff to have.

01:10:24.280 Theovan.pixels.com.

01:10:27.860 What else?

01:10:28.620 I'm drinking liquid death.

01:10:29.740 You know that?

01:10:30.240 And it's good.

01:10:33.980 People are always sending me pictures on IG of them having an LD.

01:10:39.320 And when I was young, LD stood for learning disabled.

01:10:42.060 And we had a lot of it around us.

01:10:46.060 You know, I grew up in the autism area and real hotbed for autism or tism.

01:10:50.640 They called it den.

01:10:51.560 And we didn't know it was French or whatever.

01:10:54.460 Now it's, they hadn't put the all on it.

01:10:59.020 But, you know, Lance had the tism or somebody had it.

01:11:01.880 Richard.

01:11:03.520 You know, one fella named Sharpie.

01:11:05.200 We had a black fella by us named Sharpie.

01:11:07.740 And he had a hit at a tism, man. 0.99

01:11:09.480 A strong hit.

01:11:10.380 Jesus. 1.00

01:11:10.680 I mean, just damn. 1.00

01:11:13.680 A genetic swamp inside that beautiful guy. 1.00

01:11:16.640 And he had nice fucking legs too, I remember. 1.00

01:11:19.620 Dear God. 0.99

01:11:20.480 Who has the nicest legs you've ever seen, Raleigh Mal? 1.00

01:11:24.680 Oh, man.

01:11:26.160 A lot of girls I've seen.

01:11:28.360 Really?

01:11:29.080 Mm-hmm.

01:11:29.860 So are you a leg man when you fantasize, brother?

01:11:33.540 Are you a leg man or what do you think about?

01:11:37.960 Titty what? 0.97

01:11:38.640 I mean, everything. 0.99

01:11:42.240 Oh, damn. 0.99

01:11:43.060 Oh. 1.00

01:11:44.480 Okay.

01:11:45.460 Okay, big dog.

01:11:48.720 Let's get to a couple questions that came in.

01:11:52.400 And we'll figure some things out here.

01:11:58.100 Here we go.

01:11:59.400 Hey, Theo.

01:12:00.100 This is Cam from Lehigh, Utah.

01:12:03.240 Hey, Cam.

01:12:05.020 From out there in Utah.

01:12:06.100 And Utah is, it's a great place, man.

01:12:13.140 If you want to wrangle a little bit of white titty, onward. 1.00

01:12:18.680 I just wanted to call in, man.

01:12:20.260 This is my first time calling in.

01:12:21.980 First off, I just got to say, man, I love you.

01:12:24.660 Love you a ton, man.

01:12:25.800 I know me and a bunch of my friends, we all listen to you.

01:12:28.580 You know, you're something I get to look forward to every single week.

01:12:32.720 And you put a smile on my face.

01:12:34.520 And, you know, I'm hoping you can come out here to Salt Lake soon so we can see you.

01:12:38.460 Thank you, Cam.

01:12:39.380 Praise God, brother.

01:12:40.260 I appreciate that.

01:12:41.700 Man, it's nice of you to share those words, man.

01:12:43.940 It's important.

01:12:44.720 Okay.

01:12:44.880 But anyway, man, I got a question for you.

01:12:49.420 So I'm 20 years old, almost 21.

01:12:52.880 And I'm kind of starting to get to a point where I'm thinking about getting myself into a relationship.

01:12:58.740 You know, maybe someone I can take out to McDonald's or someone nice like that and then touch tummies with a little bit after.

01:13:05.520 Who knows? 0.99

01:13:06.020 Oh, damn. 1.00

01:13:07.360 Okay. 1.00

01:13:08.380 That McFlurry, baby. 1.00

01:13:09.820 I feel you, gang.

01:13:11.260 But I'm talking to this girl who recently broke up with her boyfriend.

01:13:17.880 They had been together for a little bit.

01:13:20.140 But her boyfriend happens to be one of my best friends that I love like a brother.

01:13:26.280 So I guess my question is, you know, what takes priority?

01:13:30.060 Is it bro code?

01:13:30.900 Can I, you know, chase this girl even though she's my friend's ex or, you know, do I got to let her go and I just got to find someone else, bro?

01:13:41.120 Yeah.

01:13:42.120 Gang, gang, brother.

01:13:44.020 I love you, man.

01:13:45.260 Gang, brother.

01:13:45.900 Love you too, brother.

01:13:47.920 You know, this is a tough one, man.

01:13:49.560 I had a friend recently who was hooking up with my or who went on a date with an ex of mine without asking me.

01:14:00.900 I didn't know.

01:14:01.400 I found out from her.

01:14:04.360 And it hurt my feelings, man.

01:14:05.560 You know, I got a lot of feelings, so it's easy for them to get hurt.

01:14:08.040 I got, I'm the kind, I have feelings left out in the yard. 0.99

01:14:10.760 I got so many damn feelings. 0.98

01:14:11.920 I got feelings inside, outside. 0.99

01:14:14.280 You know, you'll sit down on my sofa and you're like, oh, man, I sat on one of your feelings here.

01:14:18.300 You know, I just have some misfeelings.

01:14:19.560 But, you know, I think you got to ask him first.

01:14:25.780 That's the first move.

01:14:27.460 Then you have to evaluate the response you get from him.

01:14:30.860 You also don't have to do it immediately.

01:14:37.300 You know, I think given there to be some time.

01:14:39.460 But I would ask him.

01:14:45.500 And I would just let him know how you, you know, hey, I know you dated someone, so I'm kind of interested in her.

01:14:52.080 Do you think it would be strange if I explored a possibility with her?

01:14:55.060 I think that's the way to do it.

01:14:58.040 You got to start with the dude.

01:14:59.100 Now, if he gets weird and is like, look, man, I don't really, I think it's kind of messed up.

01:15:03.280 I think it's okay to also explore some of his reasoning.

01:15:06.780 Like, you know, if he's like, man, I still really like her.

01:15:11.320 It would be uncomfortable if she's around us. 0.98

01:15:14.020 You know, if we go into Taco Time or whatever, she's with us and she and I was just at Taco Time.

01:15:19.500 I still got, you know, a picture of us on my phone from me and her sitting there a month earlier.

01:15:24.000 That might be weird. 0.99

01:15:25.280 But now she's over here nibbling on your fucking fajita biscuit. 1.00

01:15:29.020 You know, that might be weird. 0.99

01:15:31.560 So I think you just got to evaluate it because he might, in a month, he might feel differently.

01:15:37.840 He's going to feel a lot differently, at least if you talk with him and he doesn't find out some other way.

01:15:42.080 So that's the only way to do it, man.

01:15:44.140 Now, do we all do it that way?

01:15:45.920 No.

01:15:47.120 I mean, did I end up making out with some dude's date who brought it, who he brought a girl to a show of mine in Dallas four years ago?

01:15:55.440 Yeah.

01:15:56.600 You know, and I still feel bad about it some mornings.

01:16:02.200 So there's ways to do it.

01:16:09.520 Riley, what do you think?

01:16:13.900 Yeah, no, you're right.

01:16:19.720 There you go, guys.

01:16:21.740 All right, let's get another question here.

01:16:24.340 What's up, Theo?

01:16:26.060 Yo, my name is Kyle and I'm giving you a call from Palm Beach Gardens, Florida.

01:16:31.560 What's up, Colin?

01:16:33.360 Down there from Palm Beach Gardens, baby, PBG.

01:16:37.420 And that's good stuff going on down there in Florida.

01:16:40.060 You know, beautiful people, a lot of, you know, a lot of summer Hebrews down there, too.

01:16:46.600 You see a lot of Hebrews down there summertime, winter timing. 0.99

01:16:49.120 You know, and you'll see a lot of people, a lot of pedophiles out there up in North Florida. 0.90

01:16:56.260 It's Latinos down in South Florida. 1.00

01:16:58.180 You got a lot of escapees and a lot of swamp babies. 1.00

01:17:04.600 You'll fucking see a baby learn to slither before it learns to crawl. 1.00

01:17:08.980 Like, damn. 1.00

01:17:09.780 People are like, oh, look, he's crawling. 1.00

01:17:11.160 And it's like, I don't know, he's moving fast and he just ate a mouse.

01:17:15.920 But onward, brother.

01:17:18.740 You know, I've seen you announce a lot of tour dates recently.

01:17:22.360 And, you know, a little disappointed.

01:17:25.080 I was wondering, you know, what's keeping you away from Florida, you know?

01:17:28.700 I know I've listened to some podcasts and some other guys and they say they don't really like coming to Florida.

01:17:37.860 I love coming to Florida, man.

01:17:39.420 I can't wait to get down there.

01:17:40.340 I want to go to Orlando.

01:17:41.400 That'll probably be the first place I'll go.

01:17:43.280 I think we're putting together a Florida leg of the tour coming up.

01:17:47.620 A lot of it just has to do with places I've been to before and then getting to go back to them.

01:17:51.560 You know, it's taken a lot of, like, right now I'm like 40 days off caffeine, 40 days sober from any drug or alcohol right now.

01:18:02.920 So I'm trying to just get myself in a space where I'm healthy enough to get out and do touring, you know, and to feel okay, you know.

01:18:13.380 But I'm feeling really motivated and I'll get down there, man.

01:18:18.020 We're putting a Louisiana tour together right now for right after Christmas.

01:18:23.820 And I believe that we'll be in Florida and possibly even Canada right after the first of the year.

01:18:29.440 So thank you for asking, man.

01:18:30.640 We'll get down there.

01:18:32.220 Hey, Theo.

01:18:32.900 My name's Luca. 1.00

01:18:34.260 Hey, not you, shithead. 0.99

01:18:35.960 Sorry. 1.00

01:18:36.360 We named our dog Theo.

01:18:38.120 Yeah.

01:18:38.600 Anyway.

01:18:39.460 What's up, brother?

01:18:40.280 Luca.

01:18:41.480 And that's a very interesting name and that's a name from another country as well.

01:18:45.380 Thank you, brother.

01:18:48.180 Onward.

01:18:49.320 Um, I might cut his hair into a mullet.

01:18:52.160 First of all, let's address that.

01:18:54.420 Oh, yeah.

01:18:55.540 Mull that dog up, baby. 0.99

01:18:57.460 Dogs have had the same shitty haircuts forever. 1.00

01:19:00.440 It's about time we tighten these bitches up. 1.00

01:19:03.660 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:19:05.020 If they're man's best friend, they won't mind if we fucking trim their shit up, fam. 1.00

01:19:10.380 Gang, baby. 1.00

01:19:10.980 Onward.

01:19:12.620 Mullet on dogs, a new trend, apparently.

01:19:15.160 What you think?

01:19:16.380 But anyway, the reason I'm calling in, man, so I just, uh, I just got a promotion at work

01:19:20.840 and, uh, I live over here on the East Coast and, um, if everything keeps going in the way

01:19:27.260 that they want it to, then that is gone so far.

01:19:30.880 There's talks about them having me move out West somewhere.

01:19:34.740 Um, a couple of different states in play, but the, the question I have for you is that

01:19:39.400 my fiance, uh, does not want to move from, from where we are now.

01:19:43.780 Like, I'm not even talking West Coast, just does not want to move.

01:19:47.440 Do I, do I bring it up to her that that's something might be in play because it's going to be like

01:19:52.580 four or five years down the road or do we wait until we get to that point?

01:19:56.640 I think you wait until you get a little closer, man.

01:20:00.140 You don't want to be scaring nobody early.

01:20:03.060 And women, they'll start packing early. 1.00

01:20:04.800 Shit, she'll have all your shit packed. 1.00

01:20:07.200 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:20:08.140 You won't be able to, you know, you won't be able to get a damn soup spoon for the next five years 0.98

01:20:12.820 and you don't even know if you're going. 0.98

01:20:14.940 She'll be like, it's in the box, it's in the box.

01:20:17.060 You know, you're looking for a hat or a summer, uh, shirt, you know, something kind of almost

01:20:23.420 strapless summer shirt or whatever.

01:20:25.800 And you can't, you know, it's all in the box, everything.

01:20:29.380 So you don't want to be living out of boxes just because, you know, even if she does start

01:20:34.920 preparing, if she comes around, cause they'll pack everything.

01:20:40.060 You know, I used to sleep overnight at my friend Scott's house when I was young and his mom would

01:20:44.700 make the bed.

01:20:45.240 We'd be still in it.

01:20:48.060 She was just a real clean freak. 1.00

01:20:49.440 I'd be in the dang bed.

01:20:50.580 She'd make it.

01:20:51.480 What are you going to do today?

01:20:52.580 I don't know.

01:20:53.960 Try and get out this bed.

01:20:56.360 You know, as I'm pinned down.

01:21:00.080 So, and if your wife refuses to move, that ain't your wife, bro. 0.72

01:21:04.500 That's a lady you used to know who's now having to support herself. 1.00

01:21:11.460 That's who that is, Bobby.

01:21:12.940 So, but I think you wait and evaluate a little bit closer, man.

01:21:18.280 All right.

01:21:18.620 Let's get one more right here.

01:21:20.400 Here we go.

01:21:22.220 What's up, Theo?

01:21:23.100 This is TK up here in Northeast Missouri.

01:21:26.760 TK.

01:21:27.680 And I used to know a fellow with a one-legged named TK.

01:21:31.020 And I don't know what it stood for, but who cares also what it stands for?

01:21:37.480 Onward?

01:21:38.740 Thank you for calling, man.

01:21:39.860 Hey, I got a dilemma, and I need you to help me solve it.

01:21:46.160 My girlfriend, she drinks coffee all day. 1.00

01:21:51.180 You know, she brushes her teeth and stuff all the time, but I just, her breath don't smell right.

01:21:56.920 And it drives me nuts.

01:21:58.200 And I'm just, you know, kind of wondering how I should go about it.

01:22:01.560 Should I just give her hints, or, you know, should I tell her that her breath smells like dookie, or just be upfront about it? 0.81

01:22:13.980 I don't know, man.

01:22:14.980 Just let me know what you think I should do and help me with my problem.

01:22:19.740 Praise God, brother.

01:22:22.360 And thank you for reaching out to me today about this, man.

01:22:24.940 And this is an issue, I think, in a lot of communities.

01:22:28.560 You know, and actually, I think a lot of communities, it's different.

01:22:36.360 A lot of Asian people don't have bad breath, really.

01:22:40.380 You know, they got that feng shui in them, baby. 0.79

01:22:43.440 You know?

01:22:44.120 They're all shanged up in their feng shui, bro. 0.98

01:22:46.120 They really, you know, they're all, you know, they get, they just have, they eat small things, and it's very digestible.

01:22:55.500 And they can, you know, they'll have a little bit of maybe ravioli or something, but they also follow it up with like an apple cider or something.

01:23:02.140 You know, they're very, they drink out of small cups.

01:23:04.680 They really, so they're not just flooding the system.

01:23:08.620 You know? 1.00

01:23:09.640 A lot of black people and white people will just flood their system with fucking chicken nuggets. 1.00

01:23:14.780 And, you know, bullshit and all of this. 1.00

01:23:17.960 Milkshake. 1.00

01:23:19.440 So.

01:23:20.340 You notice a lot of bad breath in your culture?

01:23:24.240 Raleigh Mao.

01:23:26.620 I don't.

01:23:27.600 I knew it.

01:23:28.700 I knew that.

01:23:30.640 Thank you, man.

01:23:32.000 But I would say this, if I dated a girl with bad breath, man, her breath got bad at night. 0.93

01:23:36.080 And, uh, and I was afraid to tell her anything.

01:23:41.220 But I think if it's a girl you love and you're with constantly, I think you slip her a couple minutes, you know?

01:23:46.560 And then eventually to say, hey, baby, your breath is not as good as it could be.

01:23:50.160 And I want the most out of you.

01:23:52.480 You know?

01:23:53.220 I want to love you and smell you.

01:23:56.320 And any woman, nobody's going to be mad if you tell me they have bad breath. 1.00

01:24:03.800 But it is hard to do.

01:24:05.920 But look, we back you, we support you, and, uh, and I think that you can do it.

01:24:10.620 So.

01:24:11.800 I really believe that you can do it, brother. 1.00

01:24:13.480 And look, if somebody leaves you because they have bad breath, dude, fuck them. 1.00

01:24:22.220 If they're like, I'm leaving you, then take your little frickin' booty mouth and hit the road. 1.00

01:24:31.700 You out here fuckin' swamp chatter, hit the road. 1.00

01:24:37.900 So. 0.99

01:24:39.980 It's a win-win situation.

01:24:41.600 Now, unless you secretly, low-key, like having or have bad breath.

01:24:44.820 And maybe that's what's going on as well.

01:24:49.520 I, uh, I gotta run.

01:24:53.480 I gotta run.

01:24:54.960 Riley Mao, thank you so much for being here.

01:24:56.900 Let's, what would you, what would your last words be, Riley?

01:24:59.280 Did you, did you get something?

01:25:02.740 I'll just say, you know, I mean, if I can't, uh, if it is my last words and I can't, you know,

01:25:08.820 have more words, I'll just be like, I'm out, y'all.

01:25:12.680 Peace.

01:25:14.320 Okay.

01:25:15.680 There you go.

01:25:16.280 Even, even if it's a slaying, you're at a park, somebody stabs you, you know.

01:25:21.540 I mean, I can't go back in time.

01:25:23.160 If they already stabbed me and I'm already dying, you know, why not?

01:25:26.960 Go out with Bing.

01:25:28.920 Yeah.

01:25:29.220 I'm out, guys.

01:25:30.400 Peace.

01:25:32.020 Yeah.

01:25:32.820 I like that kind of, it just kind of covers everything kind of.

01:25:36.740 No matter where you're at, it's kind of okay.

01:25:39.280 It's not really like abrasive to anyone.

01:25:42.820 It's just like I'm out.

01:25:44.520 Right?

01:25:45.400 Yeah.

01:25:46.620 Okay.

01:25:48.160 All right.

01:25:49.740 Uh, well, I'm going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers too to find a love of your life one

01:25:55.440 day, Riley Mao.

01:25:56.740 Thanks, man.

01:25:57.320 You know, I believe that she's out there.

01:26:00.720 Do you?

01:26:02.200 Oh, she's out there somewhere.

01:26:03.940 Just don't know where, don't know when.

01:26:06.120 Yeah.

01:26:07.740 Well, she'll show up, man.

01:26:10.020 Hopefully sooner than later.

01:26:11.220 Maybe.

01:26:11.620 You think you're ready for it now?

01:26:13.320 Oh, I'm ready.

01:26:15.420 There you go.

01:26:16.160 Now, those would be my last words, I think.

01:26:18.060 Oh, I'm ready.

01:26:20.100 I'm ready for the Lord.

01:26:21.520 I'm ready to hit that next level.

01:26:23.400 I'm ready to warp zone.

01:26:24.720 Now, my last words I'm trying to think would be, uh, let me think. 0.98

01:26:32.740 Somebody stabs you or shoots you. 0.99

01:26:34.960 That I'll be like, gang, gang. 1.00

01:26:47.700 Or maybe I'll be like, bitch better have my money. 1.00

01:26:50.860 One of those, man. 1.00

01:26:55.760 I'll hit him with that gang, gang, or bitch better have my money. 1.00

01:27:00.020 But the Diamond Poirier won, man. 1.00

01:27:03.020 He won.

01:27:05.980 And it was exciting.

01:27:07.100 We went to an after party after.

01:27:08.560 It was fun.

01:27:09.320 They had, you know, the bottles.

01:27:11.300 You know, just like people doing stuff.

01:27:13.140 Like a nice sign.

01:27:14.480 It said Dustin, you know.

01:27:16.240 And it's just cool to watch someone achieve their dream.

01:27:21.020 There's something special about seeing somebody achieve a dream.

01:27:25.000 I think whether it's big or small.

01:27:26.520 It can be some kid getting a, hitting a baseball for the first time.

01:27:32.560 Or even hitting it off the tee.

01:27:35.500 You know.

01:27:36.220 It could be somebody getting their first kiss.

01:27:38.160 Or touching their first, you know, titty through electric fence.

01:27:41.740 Like I did.

01:27:42.340 You know, it could be somebody surviving a dog bite.

01:27:47.100 Or making a casserole that their grandmother used to make.

01:27:55.080 You know, it's just, it's beautiful seeing somebody live out a dream.

01:27:58.920 Big or small.

01:28:01.060 That's what we're here for, man.

01:28:02.840 I think sometimes it's just to bear witness.

01:28:04.780 To even life.

01:28:09.780 Which I'm sure was the dream of some higher power.

01:28:18.280 Maybe.

01:28:19.220 I don't know.

01:28:21.240 I don't know, baby.

01:28:22.180 But I do know this, man.

01:28:23.560 That I'm on the come up.

01:28:24.980 And you guys can catch us here.

01:28:26.280 We'll be back on another episode soon.

01:28:28.340 Thank you so much for being a part of my life.

01:28:29.860 You can get tickets at theovine.com slash tour.

01:28:32.240 Or thank you so much for being a part of my life.

01:28:36.620 And I mean that.

01:28:39.020 You know, I'm lucky to be living out one of my dreams.

01:28:42.180 And so much of that is because of you guys.

01:28:45.860 So, I hope to meet each and every person that listens to this podcast in person sooner than later.

01:28:51.220 And you guys be good to yourselves.

01:28:55.460 Riley Mount, thank you for coming in, brother.

01:28:57.620 Thanks for having me, Theo.

01:28:59.860 You bet, Bubby.

01:29:00.680 All right.

01:29:01.960 Gang, baby. 0.75

01:29:02.580 We out.

01:29:05.940 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite.

01:29:08.240 And welcome to Kite Club.

01:29:09.780 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:29:17.200 The answer may shock you.

01:29:18.920 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:29:20.980 Sometimes I won't.

01:29:22.580 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:29:25.580 You have three new voice messages.

01:29:28.200 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:29:31.520 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

01:29:34.200 Longer than anybody else.

01:29:35.860 So great.

01:29:37.240 Hi.

01:29:37.820 Swee-ah. 0.97

01:29:38.840 Easy, Theo. 1.00

01:29:40.120 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00

01:29:44.100 Jermaine. 0.99

01:29:44.700 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:29:49.160 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:29:51.260 Oh, no.

01:29:53.560 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:29:55.980 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:30:00.160 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:30:04.360 Third rule.

01:30:05.340 Like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:30:08.020 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:30:09.720 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - July 14, 2021

E349 Last Words

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