This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E372 Christmas Possibilities

00:00:00.780 Is there something interfering with your happiness?

00:00:04.900 Oh, yeah.

00:00:06.100 There always is a little something, you know, or there might be, there might not be.

00:00:10.680 Hell, if you're joyed out, then you've won, and you're doing well, and you don't need this.

00:00:16.300 But if you aren't, betterhelp.com slash T-H-E-O, that's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.

00:00:24.280 Join the over a million people who have taken charge of their mental health.

00:00:28.260 If you need help, betterhelp.com slash T-H-E-O.

00:00:33.280 This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, and TPW listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash T-H-E-O.

00:00:42.120 Today's episode is brought to you also by Liquid Death.

00:00:44.900 Grateful for them.

00:00:46.780 Merry Christmas to you.

00:00:49.040 Happy holidays.

00:00:51.520 It's that time, you know, it's just that time.

00:00:55.180 It's that time to slow it down.

00:00:58.740 It's that time to just really just straighten out that snake.

00:01:02.940 You know, to just, to even things out.

00:01:09.160 To close up all the, if you got a couple Pandora's boxes open, it's time to shut them down.

00:01:17.760 It's a time for joy.

00:01:22.360 You know, a time to give joy and, and receive it as well as you can.

00:01:28.000 You know, get out there.

00:01:29.700 Tickle somebody.

00:01:30.580 Tickle a damn neighbor.

00:01:32.660 Tickle a trash fellow.

00:01:33.780 The guy's getting the garbage.

00:01:34.940 Sneak around the truck.

00:01:36.640 Tickle his ass.

00:01:37.620 You know, be, do something.

00:01:40.500 Bring some joy to somebody.

00:01:42.000 You know, hug a brother.

00:01:45.720 Get out there and hug a damn brother.

00:01:48.840 You know.

00:01:50.460 Hug a white woman.

00:01:53.580 Email somebody.

00:01:54.480 Email a Filipino or a Dominican or somebody that you've never met.

00:02:00.500 A different species.

00:02:01.700 A different ethnicity.

00:02:03.700 Broaden your horizons, you know.

00:02:07.900 Be a stand for decency if you can.

00:02:10.280 Be a, be somebody who's, who just, you just, you just got a love gun and that bitch is full.

00:02:17.340 And you just pop, pop, pop, pop.

00:02:20.780 You drilling people with joy.

00:02:24.820 You can do it.

00:02:26.300 Get a nice gift for someone.

00:02:29.200 You know, get somebody something they can use.

00:02:31.540 If you have a, maybe you got a buddy who's never been to the beach.

00:02:36.320 Get him a, give him a little bucket of sand or something.

00:02:38.960 Give his wife a half bucket.

00:02:42.200 Maybe, maybe, uh, maybe somebody don't have, uh, legs or something.

00:02:47.280 You know.

00:02:48.600 Get him a, um, draw some, draw a picture of him with legs.

00:02:54.140 And say, hey man, this is how I see you.

00:02:56.720 You know, I see you complete.

00:02:59.860 You know, do something.

00:03:00.960 We had a, you know, if somebody doesn't have a tongue, we had a fella who didn't have a tongue bus.

00:03:06.000 And somebody wrote down all the flavors on a piece of, uh, uh, poster board.

00:03:11.040 So he could point at him when he was enjoying something.

00:03:13.900 Look, it's tart.

00:03:14.900 Look, it's, you know, fruit based or whatever.

00:03:18.240 Oh shit, this has lead in it.

00:03:19.860 And he pointed at lead.

00:03:20.680 You know, help somebody out.

00:03:24.820 You know, just be a stand for decency if you can this time of year.

00:03:30.060 You have a buddy that, that, um, that's never been outdoors.

00:03:34.180 Get him a tree.

00:03:34.800 Get him a little tree.

00:03:35.560 Bring it inside.

00:03:37.220 Get him a little, you know, get him a bird call or something.

00:03:40.920 Hide behind the tree.

00:03:42.880 Say, hey, this is what it's like.

00:03:44.100 If you want to vent, if you ever want to do so, you want to be brave.

00:03:49.440 You know, we had a, uh, a cousin that couldn't read.

00:03:53.240 And, um, and somebody got him a damn book and that's not good.

00:04:00.000 You know, cause that's really, get him a letter, draw a big letter on a thing.

00:04:04.380 Say, hey, this is it.

00:04:05.280 L M R, you know, don't, you don't want to ruin somebody's day either.

00:04:12.560 You know, somebody can't, you know, I remember he couldn't read.

00:04:14.820 They gave him a book and everybody's like, you know, cause he can't, you know, you can't

00:04:20.440 put a toddler on Mount Everest.

00:04:22.780 You got to put them on an anthill first.

00:04:26.300 You got to think, but you got to love baby.

00:04:29.960 And that's what time of year it is.

00:04:31.300 And I'm happy to be here with you and, uh, and Merry Christmas, you know, Merry Christmas.

00:04:38.540 You know, damn, just get out there and just damn tell somebody Merry Christmas.

00:04:43.220 Damn it.

00:04:45.300 Damn.

00:04:46.960 Just, if you got a damn ring somebody's neck, if they don't get it, give it to them.

00:04:54.340 Merry Christmas.

00:04:56.460 You tell them it's that time of year.

00:04:58.220 Let's head in with a couple of beautiful tunes right here.

00:05:15.340 You got somebody that likes to fish.

00:05:17.520 Get them a fish.

00:05:18.260 Get them a damn fish.

00:05:19.740 Save them some time, you know, get them a carp.

00:05:22.020 Bring that bitch home for them.

00:05:23.260 Merry Christmas.

00:05:28.220 You got somebody that likes, uh, Anamalia.

00:05:42.140 Trap an eagle for them.

00:05:44.860 Trap a damn American eagle for them and bring it home for, you know, just for an hour.

00:05:48.960 Let it loose, baby.

00:05:49.720 That's God's NFT, baby.

00:05:52.060 Let it loose, but bring it home.

00:05:55.800 It's that time of year.

00:05:56.900 You got somebody that likes to swim.

00:06:11.540 Get some water.

00:06:12.460 Bring it up.

00:06:12.880 Get you a bucket of water.

00:06:13.900 Get you a sponge.

00:06:18.580 And just cut that corner.

00:06:21.140 They don't have to go to the pool today.

00:06:22.500 Say, I got you, Ronnie.

00:06:23.380 I'm going to dampen your legs up.

00:06:26.140 I'm going to squeeze this sponge out on your back.

00:06:29.940 Squeeze this water on your back.

00:06:35.340 I'm going to let you, you know, I'll even blow a whistle.

00:06:37.220 I'll even have, you know, have your cousin dress up as a lifeguard and blow a whistle once.

00:06:43.880 We got you, Bubby.

00:06:46.100 You ain't got to go to the pool today.

00:06:48.180 We're bringing the pool home.

00:06:49.380 God bless.

00:06:52.080 You ain't got to go to the pool.

00:07:04.900 You ain't got to go.

00:07:16.940 You ain't got to go.

00:07:16.960 We got to go.

00:07:18.340 Go.

00:07:19.020 That is Julian, Julian Bryn, with joy to the world.

00:07:30.640 And wouldn't it be great if you could do it like that?

00:07:35.320 If you could just snap a finger and people would just be joyed out.

00:07:43.080 Just women just smiling so big they get lipstick on their earlobes.

00:07:47.480 People just riddled with happiness, riddled with comfort.

00:07:56.200 Like they just swallowed a damn duvet cover.

00:08:00.360 Just like they ingested them nine throw pillows.

00:08:04.420 Just full of comfort. Wouldn't that be magnificent?

00:08:12.300 I think that's what I got to hope for this time of year.

00:08:14.820 Where is that is just a, you know, I get caught up in that, in the peril, you know.

00:08:23.560 I get caught up sometimes in the peril in that, in that dirt, in that dirt oyster.

00:08:29.160 And I'm in there just sifting around for peril.

00:08:38.160 But the joy is just out in the world.

00:08:41.940 You know, the joy is, is if I choose to, if I choose to be happy.

00:08:49.120 You know, it's a, it's a choice I have to make.

00:08:50.980 It's hard sometimes, but this is the time of year to make it.

00:08:54.800 You know, this is the time of year, damn, see a little child and just, damn, you know, draw a damn mark on the beast on his, on his back while he's sleeping.

00:09:06.020 You know, put his shirt back on, surprise his folks.

00:09:08.620 You know, I remember one time we do it, we had this fellow named Scotty on our bus, little Scotty.

00:09:15.940 And I think he was, I don't know if he was, he was, uh, not deranged or whatever, but he wasn't, you know, they had decided he wasn't going to do well.

00:09:28.480 You know, he wasn't going to end up top shelf, but he was milling around, he was a middle licker at the time.

00:09:34.000 And, um, and we, you know, I don't know who did it.

00:09:39.860 I could, you know, I, who knows who did it, but people drew swastika on his back and nobody knew what it meant.

00:09:46.360 Nobody knew that it was anti-Semitic or, you know, uh, they just seen it on pamphlets or whatever you find in the woods.

00:09:54.880 But, um, but anyway, I don't even know what that story is about, but anyway, Merry Christmas to you.

00:10:00.640 Oh, and it's that time of year, you know, it's that time of year where you could really just hear, you know, you could, you could hear Santa just tightening up them boots.

00:10:14.460 Just, just, just putting his fat, just damn, just gristle hoofs, just.

00:10:22.580 You could hear them boots just, just squealing, just squealing, like, damn, can we hold Santa again?

00:10:40.020 And you could hear, you know, you could hear him just tightening that belt up, just, just.

00:10:46.340 That's the sound that buckle makes, baby.

00:10:55.920 That buckle can't hold him.

00:10:59.460 And as cookie crumbs fall across that buckle, because he's having one more little cut, one more little dose, one more little upper.

00:11:08.460 Before he hits that rod, baby, you could hear that belt just like, grrrr, grrrr.

00:11:19.480 And you just hear him and he just, shoof, shoof.

00:11:22.720 He just puts his feet into the sleigh.

00:11:27.500 And he's in there.

00:11:29.720 And his wife comes over, and it could be his second wife now.

00:11:32.920 we haven't got a lot of intel

00:11:35.640 you know

00:11:37.720 from that far north I think

00:11:39.380 the only person even up there anymore is

00:11:41.560 damn Dexter and his new

00:11:43.620 season and

00:11:44.360 that's it science

00:11:47.420 light science and I think the

00:11:49.560 Titanic is still crashed up there

00:11:51.480 but there's

00:11:53.580 not a lot of there's not a lot of intel coming

00:11:55.560 out of the north pole

00:11:56.520 so he could be on his second

00:11:59.460 wife you know some

00:12:01.480 big you know breasted out Latina

00:12:03.460 rolls up with

00:12:05.480 them you know them big

00:12:07.320 Fauntleroys the milky Fauntleroys

00:12:09.500 on her and she

00:12:11.400 you know whispers something naughty in his ear

00:12:13.620 you know

00:12:14.400 Feliz Navidad

00:12:15.420 Feliz Navidad

00:12:18.060 something you know and she might be

00:12:21.520 dating one of the reindeer on the side who knows

00:12:23.540 I mean things have changed and times are different

00:12:25.580 and

00:12:27.700 the reindeers out there don or

00:12:29.540 dance or

00:12:30.240 little daddy

00:12:32.240 you know they got another

00:12:33.520 they got a brother in there

00:12:34.500 and you know little daddy's out there

00:12:36.080 you know they got

00:12:37.660 probably

00:12:40.860 Vato

00:12:42.120 they got a Spanish one

00:12:44.260 it's a different ball

00:12:46.540 you know it's changed up

00:12:47.740 they got

00:12:49.100 on dancer on Cupid

00:12:51.920 Cupid's a little you know

00:12:53.560 Cupid likes men and women

00:12:55.640 that's his bag

00:12:56.540 whatever

00:12:57.020 all aboard

00:12:58.660 you know

00:13:00.040 Transistor is one of them

00:13:01.480 probably

00:13:01.780 and he's double jointed down

00:13:03.780 in the freaking root

00:13:04.680 you know he's crotched out

00:13:07.340 that crotchety bad boy

00:13:08.780 but hey

00:13:09.800 that's it

00:13:10.400 and that's the squad

00:13:12.820 you play with who you got

00:13:14.040 Ben Simmons is it

00:13:15.420 you know what I'm saying

00:13:15.820 you got all types

00:13:16.840 you got everybody

00:13:18.840 out there

00:13:19.680 maybe a little bit

00:13:20.940 maybe a German out there

00:13:22.260 maybe an Israeli out there

00:13:23.820 you got some

00:13:25.440 you know

00:13:25.760 all types of

00:13:26.780 you know

00:13:27.720 duster

00:13:29.540 you got one of the

00:13:30.760 reindeers

00:13:31.420 just damn addicted

00:13:32.220 to huffing

00:13:32.880 keyboard cleanser

00:13:36.080 and you can't blame him

00:13:38.260 but that's the time of year

00:13:41.420 it is man

00:13:42.220 and you can just

00:13:44.280 you know

00:13:44.980 you got to believe

00:13:48.340 that something

00:13:49.100 more unique

00:13:51.180 is happening

00:13:51.760 than what is

00:13:52.580 just occurring

00:13:53.300 in front of us

00:13:54.800 that's what I have to do

00:13:55.760 you don't have to

00:13:56.400 I'm not telling you to

00:13:57.300 but I have to believe

00:13:59.060 if I want things

00:13:59.960 to be different

00:14:00.580 or seem different

00:14:01.560 or

00:14:01.820 I got to believe

00:14:04.300 that there's magic

00:14:06.420 in the air

00:14:06.960 and this is a wonderful

00:14:08.900 time of year

00:14:09.820 to do that

00:14:12.060 so Merry Christmas

00:14:13.160 to you

00:14:13.560 I love you

00:14:14.200 gang

00:14:15.100 what's happening

00:14:16.980 what's happening

00:14:18.300 oh

00:14:20.020 I went to UFC 269

00:14:23.020 and dude

00:14:24.400 it was

00:14:25.020 my god

00:14:28.600 I got there

00:14:30.600 and it was

00:14:32.500 I mean it was

00:14:33.220 so I went with

00:14:33.940 David Spade

00:14:34.660 you know him

00:14:35.340 and he's

00:14:36.540 you know

00:14:37.120 he's pretty fancy

00:14:38.340 you know

00:14:38.620 he's

00:14:39.460 Tommy Boy

00:14:41.980 Joe Dirt

00:14:42.740 you know

00:14:43.640 he's that rascal

00:14:45.400 you know

00:14:46.680 he's that rascal

00:14:47.580 man

00:14:47.960 you cut on a damn

00:14:49.720 rascal fountain

00:14:50.600 and he'll fly

00:14:51.260 you know

00:14:51.640 he's the first

00:14:52.960 he's the first

00:14:54.780 flow out that bitch

00:14:56.020 and

00:14:57.320 and man

00:14:59.420 we were geeked up

00:15:00.100 we went

00:15:00.560 we made some bets

00:15:01.480 at the betting window

00:15:02.640 at the

00:15:03.820 Wynn

00:15:04.360 motel

00:15:06.780 we were staying

00:15:07.380 at the Wynn motel

00:15:08.420 and

00:15:08.640 we made some bets

00:15:10.180 over there

00:15:10.620 at the betting window

00:15:11.520 which was pretty cool

00:15:12.440 kind of old fashioned

00:15:13.460 there's not a lot of

00:15:15.680 there's not a lot of

00:15:16.580 different parlay

00:15:17.280 you just walk up

00:15:18.620 and you say

00:15:19.120 okay I want this guy

00:15:20.700 or this horse

00:15:22.240 or

00:15:23.480 you know

00:15:24.920 or this

00:15:25.560 um

00:15:26.400 woman

00:15:28.440 you know

00:15:28.980 there's just a couple

00:15:29.600 options

00:15:30.100 so we did that

00:15:31.900 we put

00:15:32.200 we laid some bets

00:15:33.060 down

00:15:33.540 and then we went

00:15:34.380 over to the fight

00:15:35.000 so we get there

00:15:36.280 dude we're sitting

00:15:37.700 right

00:15:38.360 behind

00:15:39.780 Dana White

00:15:40.420 like I mean

00:15:41.520 like if he got

00:15:43.020 COVID

00:15:43.380 we got COVID

00:15:44.340 you know

00:15:44.980 if he still even had

00:15:45.980 even a vid

00:15:46.900 or a co

00:15:47.500 or a

00:15:48.320 Ovi

00:15:48.800 we got

00:15:49.440 you know

00:15:49.820 we were right there

00:15:51.140 we was breathing

00:15:51.980 the same

00:15:52.820 we was just

00:15:55.600 volleyballing

00:15:56.520 air

00:15:56.920 and uh

00:15:58.700 and

00:16:00.640 and that was amazing

00:16:02.360 and then David's sitting

00:16:03.200 next to me

00:16:03.920 then next to him

00:16:04.900 Halle Berry

00:16:05.700 from damn

00:16:07.940 movies

00:16:08.400 from damn

00:16:09.120 you know

00:16:09.960 uh

00:16:11.900 wherever she's from

00:16:14.140 you know

00:16:15.220 I don't even know

00:16:15.960 gorgeous town

00:16:17.340 you know

00:16:18.840 uh

00:16:19.240 fine as

00:16:19.840 fuckington

00:16:20.660 I don't know

00:16:21.460 where she's

00:16:22.500 from

00:16:23.160 but she just

00:16:25.180 looked damn

00:16:25.760 vibrant

00:16:26.320 she looked like

00:16:27.740 a shooting star

00:16:28.720 it just landed

00:16:29.380 right in her

00:16:29.900 damn heart

00:16:30.500 and it was just

00:16:31.980 coming out of her

00:16:32.620 eyes when she

00:16:33.160 talked to you

00:16:33.780 and I mean

00:16:36.120 it just

00:16:36.500 damn

00:16:36.860 I mean

00:16:37.320 every time

00:16:39.060 you know

00:16:39.360 when you're

00:16:40.060 just uh

00:16:41.100 and she loved

00:16:42.080 fighting

00:16:42.500 so she was

00:16:43.540 we're sitting

00:16:43.980 here just chatting

00:16:44.600 about the fights

00:16:45.500 and um

00:16:46.920 yeah that was

00:16:48.240 that was

00:16:48.860 you know

00:16:50.560 that was really

00:16:51.080 interesting

00:16:51.720 um

00:16:53.060 then who

00:16:54.820 else

00:16:55.140 oh

00:16:55.460 Tommy Lee

00:16:56.780 the draw

00:16:57.460 the famous

00:16:58.420 musician

00:16:58.920 was uh

00:17:00.640 there

00:17:01.180 Jared Leto

00:17:02.420 was there

00:17:03.060 beautiful guy

00:17:04.240 dear god

00:17:05.560 I mean

00:17:07.080 you look at

00:17:07.640 the guy

00:17:08.040 and you're

00:17:08.300 like

00:17:08.500 damn

00:17:09.120 you're like

00:17:12.100 damn

00:17:12.460 I don't know

00:17:13.000 if this dude

00:17:13.640 is

00:17:13.840 I mean

00:17:14.440 is this dude

00:17:15.120 fine as

00:17:15.840 fuck

00:17:16.140 like you're

00:17:16.620 just

00:17:16.980 you're like

00:17:19.200 and you're not

00:17:19.680 you're a straight

00:17:20.420 man

00:17:20.700 you're like

00:17:20.920 is this dude

00:17:22.380 fine as

00:17:23.120 fuck

00:17:23.600 this dude's

00:17:24.760 hotter than

00:17:25.280 uh

00:17:25.780 probably some of

00:17:26.440 the girlfriends

00:17:26.980 I've ever

00:17:27.580 had

00:17:28.000 certainly

00:17:30.580 Mormon and

00:17:31.140 my first

00:17:31.440 girlfriend

00:17:32.140 were really

00:17:32.800 really strong

00:17:35.820 girl

00:17:36.320 probably

00:17:38.200 six

00:17:38.760 six

00:17:39.980 six foot

00:17:42.400 at the time

00:17:43.300 and we were

00:17:43.700 small and I

00:17:44.320 remember she

00:17:44.740 would

00:17:44.980 and I've

00:17:46.460 told this

00:17:46.820 story before

00:17:47.260 she would

00:17:47.660 uh

00:17:48.140 pick me up

00:17:49.600 at the bus

00:17:50.040 stop and

00:17:50.380 she'd put me

00:17:50.820 around her

00:17:51.140 waist and

00:17:51.500 kiss me

00:17:51.920 like that

00:17:52.440 just

00:17:53.700 just straight

00:17:54.860 on kiss

00:17:55.480 me like a

00:17:55.980 damn

00:17:56.360 god

00:17:58.540 just like

00:17:58.940 and she

00:17:59.260 I think

00:17:59.600 she shaved

00:18:00.280 dude

00:18:00.540 I think

00:18:03.780 she shaved

00:18:04.440 a little bit

00:18:04.940 around her

00:18:05.360 mouth and

00:18:05.900 she would

00:18:07.620 just

00:18:08.060 because I

00:18:09.280 remember in

00:18:09.580 the winter

00:18:09.940 when she

00:18:10.280 would kiss

00:18:10.720 me it

00:18:10.940 would burn

00:18:11.320 my face

00:18:11.840 a little

00:18:12.180 I just

00:18:16.300 remember my

00:18:16.760 face just

00:18:17.280 feeling like

00:18:17.900 damn like

00:18:18.560 I'd just

00:18:18.900 done a

00:18:19.240 damn

00:18:19.420 business

00:18:19.900 meeting or

00:18:20.480 something

00:18:20.780 and it

00:18:24.080 was just

00:18:24.440 a lot

00:18:24.960 you know

00:18:25.520 and she

00:18:25.840 played

00:18:26.420 I think

00:18:28.120 she played

00:18:28.580 softball

00:18:29.220 I don't

00:18:29.460 know if we

00:18:29.740 had a

00:18:29.940 softball

00:18:30.320 team she

00:18:30.660 played

00:18:30.940 somewhere

00:18:31.420 but she

00:18:33.280 said she

00:18:33.700 did anyway

00:18:34.100 she wore

00:18:34.920 the uniform

00:18:35.420 and she

00:18:37.520 was always

00:18:37.780 punching the

00:18:38.400 mitt

00:18:38.660 damn I

00:18:40.940 don't know

00:18:41.320 but

00:18:41.640 she

00:18:43.540 definitely

00:18:44.080 she

00:18:46.900 really

00:18:47.260 she

00:18:50.660 really

00:18:50.900 had her

00:18:51.180 way with

00:18:51.480 me that

00:18:51.800 beautiful

00:18:52.800 girl

00:18:53.220 what else

00:18:55.260 but yeah

00:18:56.680 the fights

00:18:57.120 were amazing

00:18:57.660 dude I

00:18:57.960 got to

00:18:58.380 see

00:18:58.740 Dominic

00:18:59.420 Cruz

00:18:59.840 so

00:19:00.800 Dominic

00:19:01.420 Cruz

00:19:01.840 is a

00:19:02.420 fighter

00:19:02.820 he's an

00:19:03.480 American

00:19:03.900 fighter

00:19:04.440 and he

00:19:06.520 looked like

00:19:06.920 Tom Cruise

00:19:07.360 he's wearing

00:19:08.000 he

00:19:09.320 he had

00:19:11.420 already had

00:19:11.900 his fight

00:19:12.340 and we

00:19:12.620 got there

00:19:13.060 after that

00:19:13.800 so I

00:19:14.700 knew he'd

00:19:15.140 won

00:19:15.440 because

00:19:16.000 I've been

00:19:17.900 following him

00:19:18.460 online but I

00:19:19.160 didn't get to

00:19:20.060 be there and

00:19:20.640 see it

00:19:21.100 but he's

00:19:23.220 dressed down

00:19:23.760 now he's in

00:19:24.200 street clothes

00:19:24.980 and so

00:19:25.720 you know

00:19:26.760 he's just

00:19:27.140 being right

00:19:27.700 you know

00:19:28.060 he has

00:19:28.780 sunglasses on

00:19:29.300 he comes up

00:19:29.700 and we're

00:19:30.540 talking

00:19:30.900 and I'm

00:19:32.480 thinking like

00:19:32.960 I don't

00:19:33.600 and then I

00:19:34.380 realized oh my

00:19:35.140 god this is

00:19:35.820 freaking Dominic

00:19:36.520 Cruz

00:19:36.700 so that was

00:19:38.920 crazy

00:19:39.260 Justin Gaeth

00:19:40.080 he was

00:19:40.460 there

00:19:40.800 he's literally

00:19:41.660 just backstage

00:19:42.780 just like

00:19:43.460 who can

00:19:43.760 fight

00:19:44.040 who can

00:19:44.520 fight

00:19:44.820 who can

00:19:45.300 fight

00:19:45.640 who can

00:19:46.100 fight

00:19:46.500 so that

00:19:47.940 was really

00:19:48.420 magnificent

00:19:49.220 Thug Rose

00:19:51.980 I mean it

00:19:54.240 was just

00:19:54.700 crazy

00:19:55.380 just getting

00:19:56.140 to see all

00:19:56.620 the fighters

00:19:57.060 John Anik

00:19:57.880 was there

00:19:58.580 DC

00:20:00.580 you know

00:20:02.200 just getting

00:20:02.720 to be in

00:20:03.160 that world

00:20:03.660 for a little

00:20:04.120 while

00:20:04.580 Al Jermaine

00:20:06.720 Sterling

00:20:07.520 plus all

00:20:12.680 the fighters

00:20:13.180 that were

00:20:13.540 doing the

00:20:14.060 fighting

00:20:14.420 so it

00:20:16.240 was just

00:20:16.680 man

00:20:17.240 I felt

00:20:18.660 like I

00:20:19.040 was in

00:20:19.340 a damn

00:20:19.840 I was

00:20:21.880 just

00:20:22.100 I just

00:20:22.900 felt so

00:20:23.320 so much

00:20:24.020 possibility

00:20:24.660 like I

00:20:25.120 was in

00:20:25.320 a damn

00:20:25.600 fallopian

00:20:26.140 tube

00:20:26.640 you know

00:20:28.360 just

00:20:28.640 damn

00:20:28.980 any

00:20:29.240 just the

00:20:29.680 world

00:20:30.000 just

00:20:30.480 god I

00:20:32.160 just felt

00:20:32.640 like anything

00:20:33.140 was possible

00:20:33.840 yeah so

00:20:37.940 that was

00:20:38.280 great

00:20:38.480 obviously I

00:20:38.960 was really

00:20:39.300 you know

00:20:39.760 just I

00:20:40.260 was bummed

00:20:40.740 out not

00:20:41.120 disappointed

00:20:41.720 that Dustin

00:20:42.960 didn't get

00:20:43.480 the victory

00:20:44.040 but

00:20:44.580 but he's

00:20:47.140 a champ

00:20:47.520 you know

00:20:47.860 he's a

00:20:48.420 champ

00:20:48.700 and

00:20:50.220 and he

00:20:51.260 knows it

00:20:51.780 and it

00:20:52.460 is what

00:20:52.900 it is

00:20:53.380 and there

00:20:54.400 will be

00:20:54.620 many more

00:20:55.120 battles

00:20:55.600 and

00:20:55.920 yeah

00:20:58.420 and so

00:20:59.280 that was

00:20:59.680 my

00:21:00.200 I'm trying

00:21:00.980 to think

00:21:01.240 of anything

00:21:01.600 else that

00:21:02.120 happened

00:21:02.520 while I

00:21:05.720 was there

00:21:06.900 oh

00:21:07.980 oh

00:21:10.860 they had

00:21:11.220 one point

00:21:11.760 where they

00:21:12.040 got spayed

00:21:12.740 on the

00:21:13.100 TV

00:21:13.860 where they

00:21:14.380 like said

00:21:15.020 you know

00:21:15.300 said he's

00:21:15.800 there

00:21:16.100 and I

00:21:17.240 was sitting

00:21:17.780 right next

00:21:18.420 to him

00:21:18.860 and

00:21:19.520 some

00:21:20.580 a woman

00:21:22.960 came over

00:21:24.100 with her

00:21:24.400 kid to

00:21:24.740 get a

00:21:25.040 photo

00:21:25.360 and she's

00:21:26.400 like will

00:21:26.600 you get

00:21:26.800 a photo

00:21:27.040 with my

00:21:27.380 son

00:21:27.620 and

00:21:28.880 I got

00:21:30.020 up to

00:21:30.240 get the

00:21:30.540 photo right

00:21:31.080 when they

00:21:31.340 were like

00:21:31.760 gonna video

00:21:32.620 spades

00:21:33.320 sitting there

00:21:33.800 so I

00:21:34.800 kind of

00:21:35.100 missed some

00:21:35.540 of my

00:21:35.960 audio visual

00:21:37.300 time on

00:21:38.060 the

00:21:38.300 show but

00:21:41.480 but whatever

00:21:43.980 man it was

00:21:44.560 just dude it

00:21:45.400 was then you

00:21:46.440 look and there's

00:21:46.880 just so many

00:21:47.440 fans and people

00:21:48.300 are just amped

00:21:49.100 up people are

00:21:49.940 beating each

00:21:50.540 other in the

00:21:50.960 crowd just

00:21:51.560 fucking

00:21:52.040 there's somebody

00:21:53.320 somebody brought

00:21:53.920 a scale and

00:21:55.140 people were they

00:21:55.760 were weighing each

00:21:56.600 other in the

00:21:56.940 crowd like you

00:21:57.440 weigh 130 you

00:21:58.400 weigh 130 and

00:21:59.240 people just

00:21:59.600 fighting women

00:22:00.900 against men

00:22:01.740 senior citizens

00:22:02.840 against damn

00:22:04.180 fucking just

00:22:05.540 cement toddlers

00:22:06.660 just everybody

00:22:07.300 just just

00:22:09.200 fucking

00:22:10.300 annihilating each

00:22:11.360 other and

00:22:13.260 and that was

00:22:14.180 it man

00:22:14.620 that was it

00:22:16.220 what else

00:22:20.960 all right let's

00:22:24.020 get into a

00:22:24.460 little bit of

00:22:24.820 news here

00:22:25.540 um oh man I

00:22:29.540 like water

00:22:30.080 don't you

00:22:30.600 I like it

00:22:33.640 I'm glad they

00:22:35.860 have it imagine

00:22:36.420 if they didn't

00:22:36.880 have water

00:22:37.440 and you just

00:22:40.380 always had to

00:22:41.040 drink something

00:22:41.740 what would I

00:22:44.300 have

00:22:44.720 diet Dr.

00:22:46.740 Pepper would

00:22:47.240 kill our

00:22:47.900 if you had a

00:22:48.820 soda it would

00:22:49.280 kill you if you

00:22:49.980 had just so much

00:22:50.620 of it but

00:22:51.040 anyway

00:22:52.180 uh Jake

00:22:53.740 Paul right

00:22:54.420 here knocks

00:22:55.260 out Tyron

00:22:56.080 Woodley in

00:22:57.320 the sixth round

00:22:57.960 and win the

00:22:58.300 rematch

00:22:58.840 um good

00:23:01.620 good

00:23:04.040 uh what

00:23:05.220 else

00:23:05.520 Louis CK

00:23:07.040 criticized for

00:23:08.140 releasing the

00:23:08.740 new stand-up

00:23:09.400 special sorry

00:23:10.320 uh his last

00:23:12.480 special was great

00:23:13.180 if you didn't

00:23:13.700 see it I know

00:23:14.200 it's on his

00:23:14.560 website uh I'm

00:23:16.000 excited to watch

00:23:16.580 this one so

00:23:17.140 I'll um I'll

00:23:19.520 just tune in and

00:23:20.180 watch it you know

00:23:21.880 that's what I'll

00:23:22.380 do I'll tune in

00:23:23.360 and watch it he

00:23:24.440 was nominated for

00:23:25.160 a Grammy this

00:23:25.920 year for his

00:23:27.420 other special

00:23:27.960 sincerely so

00:23:30.380 he's back you

00:23:33.360 know um and

00:23:36.800 yeah on that

00:23:38.780 fight I guess

00:23:39.580 just on that

00:23:41.880 Woodley Paul

00:23:42.640 fight Woodley

00:23:43.980 doesn't throw

00:23:44.380 enough punches

00:23:45.020 you know and

00:23:46.580 the fight is just

00:23:47.320 a lot of like

00:23:48.080 punch inner you

00:23:49.140 know clutch or

00:23:50.100 you know hug

00:23:51.500 punch hug

00:23:53.060 punch hug

00:23:53.880 they should lose

00:23:55.960 a point if they

00:23:56.560 hug they should

00:23:58.360 lose a point if

00:23:59.160 they hug or

00:24:01.100 see who's willing

00:24:05.280 to take it to

00:24:05.860 second base if

00:24:06.560 you're hugging

00:24:07.040 whoever you know

00:24:07.900 who's willing to

00:24:09.360 you know go even

00:24:11.740 further a little

00:24:12.620 you know what I'm

00:24:13.600 saying no

00:24:14.140 bro but you

00:24:17.040 know because y'all

00:24:17.680 fighting or y'all

00:24:18.420 loving those boys

00:24:21.260 because it's just

00:24:21.860 those fights it's a

00:24:23.000 lot of just punch

00:24:23.840 hug punch hug a

00:24:24.880 lot of the um

00:24:25.780 kind of like uh

00:24:27.840 these triller fights

00:24:29.220 or select you know

00:24:30.040 the select this

00:24:30.880 whole new uh

00:24:33.240 zydeco of fighting

00:24:35.040 this new realm it's

00:24:37.560 a lot of punch

00:24:38.180 hugging and damn

00:24:39.900 Woodley got knocked

00:24:40.780 out god it was

00:24:44.460 painful and at the

00:24:45.480 same time I'm just

00:24:46.320 damn jealous you

00:24:48.700 you know I'm like

00:24:49.120 god I just I'd

00:24:51.420 love to be able to

00:24:52.020 just sleep like that

00:24:53.300 the rest he the

00:24:55.240 immediate it takes me

00:24:57.600 so long to get to

00:24:58.360 bed at night and the

00:25:01.240 rest he got I mean

00:25:03.680 it was just immediate

00:25:05.660 you know no counting

00:25:09.180 sheep no uh somebody

00:25:13.480 sitting there reading

00:25:14.520 you a book and you're

00:25:16.840 an adult and you're

00:25:17.500 like why enough who

00:25:18.680 is this who's reading

00:25:20.780 to me um none of

00:25:26.080 that no melaton and

00:25:27.880 none of it just good

00:25:29.860 and hot good night

00:25:33.280 hello good night and

00:25:37.940 so that was just man

00:25:39.160 that's the part I'm

00:25:39.860 envious it should be a

00:25:40.640 hampton inn commercial

00:25:41.680 want to get some rest

00:25:45.360 bam try the jake paul

00:25:49.640 suite that's what I got

00:25:53.060 on that any more news

00:25:54.360 not much um I want to

00:25:57.480 let you know though I

00:25:58.080 got some new tour dates

00:25:59.780 that you can check out

00:26:01.260 and I'm grateful for

00:26:02.920 them uh February 2nd I'll

00:26:04.260 be in Jacksonville Florida

00:26:05.740 the third St. Petersburg

00:26:08.500 uh the fifth I'll be in

00:26:10.880 Orlando the 24th I'll be

00:26:13.020 in Lafayette Indiana the

00:26:15.340 25th Rockford Illinois

00:26:17.640 home of the Rockford

00:26:19.020 Peaches and that's

00:26:21.060 America's team right

00:26:22.120 there female ball

00:26:23.220 February 26th Chicago

00:26:26.640 Illinois uh May 6th in

00:26:29.860 Tulsa May 7th in Los

00:26:31.700 Angeles um yeah I

00:26:36.120 just want to wish you a

00:26:36.760 Merry Christmas and a

00:26:37.900 Happy Holidays and

00:26:39.060 Happy Kwanzaa if you do

00:26:41.120 that happy Ramadan if

00:26:44.740 you do that happy damn

00:26:46.140 leap year whatever you

00:26:48.360 celebrate whatever you

00:26:50.540 celebrate I want to wish

00:26:51.440 you it you know happy uh

00:26:54.380 happy birthday if your

00:26:56.300 birthday's on Christmas

00:26:57.260 man you're fucked but

00:26:59.380 happy birthday to you

00:27:00.480 nobody cares but

00:27:03.020 you do and that's got to

00:27:07.300 be hectic but

00:27:08.140 oh well you're fucked

00:27:12.600 um yeah can you imagine

00:27:16.500 having a birthday on

00:27:17.500 Christmas you walk out

00:27:18.840 with a birthday cake and

00:27:21.040 everybody's like we don't

00:27:23.020 fucking care

00:27:24.080 could you imagine that

00:27:27.340 people you're like hey

00:27:28.160 come over here while I

00:27:29.020 blow out the candles

00:27:30.180 and people were like blow

00:27:32.000 out my nuts son

00:27:33.420 Santa's here

00:27:35.600 Santa's here

00:27:38.560 you know when I was a

00:27:41.780 kid I can remember you

00:27:42.600 would somebody in our

00:27:44.620 town one time when I was

00:27:45.920 a child

00:27:46.500 um

00:27:48.220 they would fly a

00:27:51.040 like a

00:27:52.200 a small plane a crop

00:27:54.800 duster

00:27:55.200 or something they would

00:27:56.700 I swear to god they

00:27:59.520 hooked like a

00:28:01.800 a trail of reindeer or

00:28:06.160 something behind like not

00:28:07.100 real ones but you know

00:28:08.680 just I don't know if it was

00:28:12.220 thin sheep or it could have

00:28:13.520 been cardboard

00:28:14.260 I don't know it could have

00:28:16.800 been damn emaciated uh

00:28:18.480 ponies I don't know it could

00:28:21.080 have been stuff you know I

00:28:22.160 don't remember but they

00:28:23.020 flew a plane around town

00:28:26.120 and they would blast uh

00:28:29.200 Christmas music out of it

00:28:32.440 and it was just so amazing

00:28:36.040 you know it was just so

00:28:39.040 amazing uh because I

00:28:41.840 remember my mom took us out

00:28:43.340 on the porch and I got to

00:28:45.860 look up at the sky and there

00:28:47.080 was it was like a sleigh it

00:28:48.520 felt like a sleigh like as a

00:28:49.980 kid when you're a kid it's

00:28:50.840 like that's a that's Santa's

00:28:52.300 sleigh

00:28:52.840 going by and you could hear

00:28:55.900 the music and you're just

00:28:57.080 like oh my god

00:28:58.600 it's it's real

00:29:00.620 um

00:29:02.800 and I don't know if that was a

00:29:05.240 city thing they did I don't

00:29:06.680 know what that was I don't

00:29:07.900 know if that was a

00:29:09.000 you know if that was privately

00:29:13.100 funded I mean it could have

00:29:14.420 been

00:29:14.800 you know it could have said

00:29:17.520 Pfizer on the back of the

00:29:18.620 I don't remember as a kid I

00:29:19.660 don't remember but I think it

00:29:23.160 was just somebody around town

00:29:25.020 had said I'm gonna make today

00:29:28.560 I'm gonna make this better

00:29:32.300 somehow

00:29:34.100 uh for not just myself I'm

00:29:39.680 gonna do something to make

00:29:41.000 this better for for others you

00:29:44.340 know um and it was magical

00:29:47.660 it was magical and I even asked

00:29:51.480 my mother about this not long

00:29:54.340 ago and she remembers it she

00:29:56.800 remembers it she remembers that

00:30:00.940 somebody went by in a damn crop

00:30:02.420 duster and was blaring music that's

00:30:05.080 how she remembers it kind of but

00:30:06.460 but I'd I just remember it as just

00:30:09.580 being magic

00:30:10.220 I want to say that if you had high

00:30:15.100 interest loan I've had them I've

00:30:17.620 had damn 17.70 or something

00:30:20.040 one of my loans I think was 40.58

00:30:24.020 I said well dad why don't I you know

00:30:26.660 I don't want this it's a blender I

00:30:30.460 don't want this blender that thing

00:30:33.000 was damn $20 and I just got screwed

00:30:34.940 into it at the uh mercantile when I

00:30:38.720 they said you want the card too you

00:30:39.980 want the option it's free today

00:30:41.520 damn $18 or something said all right

00:30:44.520 I'll take it you know $140 later

00:30:48.260 you know I you know every time I've

00:30:52.580 turned that bitch on I just hear

00:30:53.880 myself losing money just damn poor

00:30:57.820 if you didn't have high interest

00:31:01.340 uh loans or credit card debt you'd

00:31:04.000 be feeling good wouldn't you with

00:31:06.280 upstart you can pay off your

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00:32:22.540 slash theo oh people usually wait till

00:32:29.960 after the holidays to get healthy i do it

00:32:33.480 i say you know what i i was gonna start

00:32:36.200 that diet but i'm gonna start this batch

00:32:37.720 of cookies instead i was gonna start

00:32:42.200 that you know i was gonna go for that

00:32:44.060 jog but instead i'm gonna jog you know

00:32:45.640 i'm gonna jog my tongue across these

00:32:47.420 damn uh uh ginger snap you know i'm a

00:32:52.540 hot a ginger snap in somebody's ass and

00:32:54.980 gonna have it and will treat myself well

00:32:58.860 now you can kind of kill two birds with

00:33:02.260 one stone you don't need to wait until

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00:34:13.880 creating that pattern finding uh just a

00:34:17.220 just whatever is easiest for you to

00:34:19.880 create that pattern and i believe that

00:34:21.680 peloton is that

00:34:23.240 i want to let you know if you if you if

00:34:27.500 your testosterone is low if your balls is

00:34:29.880 feeling

00:34:30.200 you know shallow

00:34:33.120 if you shallowed out in your nuts if you

00:34:37.720 really feeling hollowed out if your balls

00:34:40.940 feel like they somebody knock on them it

00:34:42.600 would make a loud

00:34:43.380 like that you know if you yelled into one

00:34:48.600 of your balls and you could eat it would

00:34:50.340 echo back

00:34:51.000 that's not good that's not good what i'm

00:34:56.020 telling you about is if you're if you're

00:34:57.220 experiencing symptoms like low energy

00:34:58.860 fatigue

00:34:59.420 erectile dysfunction

00:35:00.980 low sex driver libido

00:35:03.700 libido

00:35:04.540 anxiety brain fog enlarged breast tissue

00:35:09.260 bloating headaches

00:35:11.640 it could all be an indicator that you're

00:35:13.940 low in testosterone some of it could be

00:35:16.240 that's why i'm excited to share today's

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00:36:41.720 slash theo you know it definitely is a good

00:36:45.280 uh it's good to know your levels because

00:36:48.140 they'll change and then if you're going to

00:36:50.620 get on it i recommend getting on to a um

00:36:53.100 keeps or a him something also because your

00:36:55.900 hair can can adjust you can lose that uh that

00:36:59.700 flow if you don't hold on to it while you

00:37:03.560 adjust your testosterone level so just some

00:37:07.040 thoughts from my experiences um i want to

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00:37:45.080 theovonstore.com all right as we get to

00:37:50.420 these calls um let's listen to one more

00:37:53.000 little christmas deal here see what's

00:37:57.080 this is from 1960s pop christmas the

00:38:01.700 shake abouts okay that's a bit much that

00:38:14.660 made me want to damn eat my cousin's cat

00:38:17.660 son not doing that let's listen to this

00:38:21.320 one the eggnog boogie by chimney givers

00:38:25.220 okay that's a little bit much trying to

00:38:34.920 relax over here we'll try one more

00:38:38.260 um the first knoll and this is by the

00:38:43.640 shakeabouts

00:38:44.400 oh yeah

00:39:12.640 and that makes you want to reach for

00:39:19.740 another cookie doesn't it damn it makes

00:39:22.220 you want to reach for another cookie

00:39:23.400 there you go and that is the first knoll

00:39:43.500 uh and i look i like my music i want my

00:39:48.040 my christmas i don't care if the house

00:39:50.580 burns down i want to be settled somewhere

00:39:53.200 the fireplace going or somebody drew a

00:39:56.500 fireplace and uh pinned it up and i want

00:40:00.900 uh i want that music i want the mute i

00:40:06.060 don't care if the house burns down as

00:40:10.740 long as i can hear a peaceful tune i don't care if we never see the cat again i don't care i just want to relax and hear a peaceful christmas tune and have me a little cookie the cookies i like the ones that moms make with just the sugar on them or the ones that have the star in them uh

00:40:40.740 and gets the cutter puts it in there and the stocking one moms make the stocking one that those burn for some reason the back of those always burn up but them bitches good you know i like them i like cookies that are burnt i like the burnt cookie because you got somebody to complain at i like a cookie that comes with a reason for me to bitch at the end of it you know hey

00:41:09.740 the fuck the fuck the fuck and you still oh i'll have four more i'll have four more of them burnt bitches but you're gonna hear about it

00:41:25.360 you're gonna hear about it

00:41:28.740 amen let's get into some calls man you guys have had some good ones and i'm happy to uh to address some of them thank you as always for hitting the hotline

00:41:36.660 985-664-9503

00:41:42.800 all right

00:41:46.700 brother man this is joey donuts calling from manhattan

00:41:50.960 joey donuts baby from manhattan them sugar circles baby

00:41:56.020 blessing us baby with them glucose o's baby donuts dog

00:42:01.340 from the big from the big city baby up there in big apple country

00:42:05.780 big apple baby gang dominicans

00:42:09.280 so i've got a big date lined up in a few days

00:42:12.920 we've got a couple mutual friends we went to the same school

00:42:17.860 but you know i barely know this chica

00:42:20.680 i just wanted some advice you know

00:42:23.580 what do you talk about what should i say

00:42:26.100 first date i'm a little nervous

00:42:28.540 let me know what's going on brother man

00:42:31.200 gang baby i appreciate the question there

00:42:34.000 and sorry to cut you off man but

00:42:36.320 i can

00:42:37.820 and uh

00:42:39.180 and

00:42:41.120 here's the first date move

00:42:43.360 here's the first date move

00:42:44.800 you take the lady

00:42:46.880 to a

00:42:48.040 maternity ward

00:42:50.800 take her to the local hospital

00:42:53.340 i used to do this move

00:42:55.840 when i was a child

00:42:57.220 preteen

00:42:57.820 or teen

00:42:58.420 you know

00:42:59.100 soon as i was uh

00:43:01.600 you know virile or whatever

00:43:03.740 sexually

00:43:04.280 mature

00:43:05.380 as they called it in science

00:43:07.640 or pre-science

00:43:08.360 i don't know what we took

00:43:09.280 but i gotta be

00:43:10.740 but um

00:43:13.220 as soon as you're sexually mature

00:43:15.860 and you have a date

00:43:16.720 you should take her to the infirmary

00:43:19.780 or uh

00:43:20.640 maternity ward

00:43:22.220 here's what i would do

00:43:24.160 i would take the

00:43:24.660 because we didn't have a lot of attractions in our area

00:43:27.100 you know

00:43:28.300 you could see maybe there had been a fire

00:43:30.120 you could go over there

00:43:31.200 you could park by the water

00:43:33.140 you know

00:43:34.700 which is fun

00:43:35.520 but it just

00:43:37.720 it leaves

00:43:39.400 other

00:43:39.900 the other people coming apart by the water

00:43:41.720 are usually deviant

00:43:42.560 you know

00:43:43.640 somebody out there smoking a pill

00:43:45.340 or uh

00:43:46.660 people that want to have sex outdoors

00:43:48.520 and when you're still a youngster

00:43:51.800 you want to take her somewhere

00:43:53.900 that's at least

00:43:55.400 decently lit

00:43:56.860 you know

00:43:58.320 so her parents don't get upset

00:43:59.740 so what i found was

00:44:02.060 the maternity ward

00:44:03.280 you take her in there

00:44:03.920 because you see

00:44:04.500 the babies are in there

00:44:05.960 and you show a girl the baby

00:44:08.940 you see

00:44:09.320 that

00:44:09.780 that tells her right there

00:44:11.040 a

00:44:11.440 you're a family man

00:44:14.260 you're about that life

00:44:17.080 okay

00:44:17.860 you're about life

00:44:18.840 you're about

00:44:19.180 i mean you're looking at actual

00:44:20.460 because the windows there

00:44:21.540 the babies are in there

00:44:22.560 they got them in there

00:44:23.720 you know

00:44:24.020 in the little

00:44:24.600 uh

00:44:25.860 you know

00:44:27.280 vestibules or whatever

00:44:28.560 so you get to see each one

00:44:30.620 in the little carton

00:44:31.520 and um

00:44:33.260 so you're about actual life

00:44:35.480 you're about

00:44:36.740 life

00:44:38.260 so you're showing her that

00:44:40.480 and she knows you're about sex

00:44:43.040 because a baby

00:44:44.000 you didn't get a baby without sex

00:44:47.500 you know

00:44:48.760 that happened one time

00:44:50.160 in the desert

00:44:51.000 and that's

00:44:52.740 that's a

00:44:53.400 that's a wrap

00:44:54.540 but since then

00:44:56.140 it's taken a couple of people

00:44:58.020 you know

00:44:59.320 touching

00:45:00.920 doing touch

00:45:02.700 so

00:45:04.600 so

00:45:06.060 you let her know you're about sex

00:45:07.140 you take her to dinner

00:45:08.040 there's no sex

00:45:08.980 nobody's

00:45:09.660 nobody's

00:45:11.120 fucking in the back

00:45:12.280 so you can eat

00:45:12.980 at the Applebee

00:45:14.300 you know

00:45:15.460 there's not

00:45:16.200 you know

00:45:16.580 there's not two people back there

00:45:18.760 fornicating

00:45:19.640 over there

00:45:21.080 at the Captain D's

00:45:22.200 seafood or whatever

00:45:23.040 so you guys can have a

00:45:24.300 you know

00:45:24.700 can do a

00:45:26.000 um

00:45:26.460 a shrimp

00:45:28.100 shrimp

00:45:28.780 you know

00:45:29.380 basket

00:45:29.880 so

00:45:31.420 but if you show her that baby

00:45:33.100 it puts in

00:45:33.740 there's a thing that happens

00:45:35.640 where it just shows

00:45:37.400 hey I know about sex

00:45:38.860 I'm sexually mature

00:45:41.060 that's what it does

00:45:42.060 it lets a woman know

00:45:44.060 you know about sex

00:45:45.500 you take her to dinner

00:45:47.100 that doesn't mean you know about sex

00:45:48.340 that means you know about recipes

00:45:50.340 you know about silverware

00:45:51.680 you know about

00:45:53.740 uh

00:45:54.300 you know

00:45:55.060 being indoors or whatever

00:45:57.220 but you take her to the

00:45:59.140 to the maternity

00:46:01.260 bam

00:46:01.760 she sees that

00:46:02.980 and some of the babies

00:46:03.940 it still smelled like sex

00:46:05.260 in there

00:46:05.680 you know

00:46:07.100 the one in our town

00:46:08.480 the window was

00:46:09.240 was uh

00:46:10.280 busted between the

00:46:11.560 babies

00:46:12.440 and the um

00:46:13.400 visitor

00:46:13.880 so you're sitting there

00:46:15.800 you know what I'm saying

00:46:16.380 I think they even had a little

00:46:17.280 broken glass around there

00:46:18.640 but um

00:46:19.960 yes you can still smell

00:46:22.240 I mean you still get that hit

00:46:23.480 and some of the babies

00:46:26.720 they really

00:46:27.260 they definitely smell like

00:46:28.620 uh

00:46:29.140 some of them smell like

00:46:30.380 doggy style

00:46:31.180 some of them

00:46:31.640 one of them you'll see

00:46:32.480 he still have a panty

00:46:33.300 wrapped around his wrist

00:46:34.320 there's some real

00:46:35.240 you know them Italian ones

00:46:37.060 there's some real

00:46:37.920 it gets a little hype

00:46:40.060 so

00:46:41.160 that's your first day

00:46:42.620 to answer brother

00:46:43.300 what are you gonna take her

00:46:44.920 to wear Dave and Busters

00:46:46.080 take her to bust

00:46:47.880 and Busters

00:46:48.700 you know what I'm saying

00:46:50.860 gang baby onward

00:46:56.000 all right

00:47:00.640 we got a call right here

00:47:02.080 that came in

00:47:03.240 Theo man

00:47:04.140 you have the most

00:47:05.300 this is Ben from St. Louis

00:47:06.900 you got the most

00:47:07.600 what's up Ben A

00:47:08.720 in St. Louis

00:47:10.740 I don't know

00:47:11.260 who is St. Louis actually

00:47:12.900 all right

00:47:17.200 St. Louis

00:47:19.880 or Louis the

00:47:21.860 nine

00:47:22.680 commonly known as

00:47:24.380 St. Louis

00:47:25.380 or Louis the saint

00:47:26.860 was king of France

00:47:28.380 from 1226 to 1270

00:47:31.620 and the most illustrious

00:47:33.220 of the direct Capetians

00:47:35.660 he was crowned in the

00:47:37.280 Reims

00:47:37.780 at age 12

00:47:39.160 there you go

00:47:40.860 people

00:47:42.220 I guess that's who he was

00:47:43.480 baby

00:47:43.760 Louis the nine

00:47:45.240 that's it

00:47:46.980 from Poissy

00:47:48.900 France

00:47:49.480 damn

00:47:50.000 well

00:47:51.580 there you go

00:47:58.060 baby

00:47:58.380 that's it

00:47:59.000 dog

00:47:59.460 if you from

00:48:00.620 Poissy

00:48:01.080 you must be

00:48:03.540 you a real

00:48:04.580 you a real G

00:48:05.500 in my book

00:48:06.180 that's for sure

00:48:07.220 so I'm not shocked

00:48:08.000 he was a saint

00:48:08.640 what else do we have

00:48:11.820 oh it was a call

00:48:12.580 that came in

00:48:13.200 my bad

00:48:13.700 let's hear more

00:48:14.400 this is Ben

00:48:15.820 from St. Louis

00:48:16.360 you got the most

00:48:17.160 acute

00:48:17.740 baby syndrome

00:48:19.680 in a man

00:48:20.220 I've ever seen

00:48:20.960 you were talking

00:48:21.980 to Bryce

00:48:22.600 in that interview

00:48:23.480 and you compared

00:48:24.220 winning a fight

00:48:25.120 and the will

00:48:25.660 to win a fight

00:48:26.400 to whether or not

00:48:27.760 a man is going

00:48:28.360 to have children

00:48:29.020 you need a baby

00:48:30.440 Theo

00:48:30.800 but your life

00:48:31.920 is too busy

00:48:32.520 you might be

00:48:33.420 a homosexual

00:48:33.940 I don't know

00:48:34.560 and you don't

00:48:36.160 have a wife yet

00:48:37.640 well look man

00:48:39.260 I would like

00:48:40.260 to have a baby

00:48:40.980 okay

00:48:42.300 but I can't

00:48:44.060 have a baby

00:48:44.580 with just a penis

00:48:45.400 brother

00:48:45.800 so that's

00:48:47.080 first part

00:48:47.740 if I was

00:48:49.520 homosexual dog

00:48:50.640 I would know

00:48:52.920 you know what

00:48:54.480 I'm saying

00:48:54.820 I've never

00:48:55.260 looked at the

00:48:55.840 back of a man

00:48:56.660 I've never

00:49:00.600 looked at the

00:49:01.280 back of a man

00:49:01.960 like that

00:49:02.320 if a man

00:49:03.040 even if I

00:49:05.140 see a man

00:49:05.660 who's painting

00:49:06.320 or doing

00:49:06.980 something

00:49:07.520 and you see

00:49:09.160 part of his

00:49:09.700 butt a little

00:49:10.340 I don't even

00:49:11.060 you know

00:49:13.620 I got a buddy

00:49:14.420 and he would

00:49:15.980 he told me

00:49:17.840 one time

00:49:18.360 and this is

00:49:18.700 he told me

00:49:19.120 in secrecy

00:49:19.780 but he's dead

00:49:21.000 he said

00:49:25.000 when he would

00:49:25.380 see a man's

00:49:26.000 butt crack

00:49:26.320 he would imagine

00:49:27.140 nipples on his

00:49:28.060 butt

00:49:28.380 you know

00:49:35.440 like titty

00:49:35.980 nipples

00:49:36.320 and I don't

00:49:37.240 even do that

00:49:37.940 man

00:49:38.240 so

00:49:38.960 if I'm ever

00:49:40.780 thinking about

00:49:41.360 something naked

00:49:42.100 it's a

00:49:42.460 it's

00:49:42.960 it's female

00:49:43.900 but

00:49:45.840 you never know

00:49:47.900 if I get hit

00:49:49.040 by lightning

00:49:49.620 or something

00:49:50.160 you never know

00:49:51.320 or if I

00:49:52.100 I might

00:49:53.200 you never know

00:49:54.340 you might fall

00:49:55.040 in love

00:49:55.440 you could

00:49:56.200 somebody could

00:49:56.800 come across

00:49:57.400 you that

00:49:57.720 changes you

00:49:58.380 changes your

00:49:59.120 game

00:49:59.420 somebody could

00:50:02.300 come across

00:50:03.040 and you just

00:50:03.600 say you know

00:50:04.160 what

00:50:04.560 sayonara

00:50:07.220 bitches

00:50:07.740 and you

00:50:10.180 go for it

00:50:10.960 so

00:50:11.340 as of now

00:50:13.700 I have no

00:50:15.220 inkling to

00:50:15.680 believe that

00:50:16.280 but

00:50:17.060 you know

00:50:19.740 if God

00:50:20.540 wants it

00:50:21.000 God wants it

00:50:21.720 baby let's

00:50:22.080 hear more

00:50:22.500 well I do

00:50:23.940 I propose

00:50:25.420 to you

00:50:25.980 that you

00:50:27.400 impregnate

00:50:28.280 my wife

00:50:28.800 will raise

00:50:29.860 the child

00:50:30.500 will agree

00:50:31.940 upon a price

00:50:32.640 and you can

00:50:33.480 see him

00:50:33.900 when you want

00:50:34.220 to see him

00:50:34.640 St. Louis is

00:50:35.340 pretty close

00:50:35.800 to you

00:50:36.020 five six

00:50:36.440 hours

00:50:36.780 a price

00:50:38.840 so now

00:50:40.620 basically

00:50:41.020 you

00:50:41.320 you

00:50:41.720 trapping

00:50:42.240 me

00:50:42.440 in a

00:50:42.740 so wait

00:50:45.380 it's my

00:50:45.760 kid

00:50:46.100 I'm pregnant

00:50:46.660 the wife

00:50:47.180 and then

00:50:48.720 but who

00:50:51.260 pays who

00:50:51.780 that'd be

00:50:52.080 my question

00:50:52.680 because I'm

00:50:54.860 you know

00:50:55.300 what I'm

00:50:55.500 saying

00:50:55.680 I'm running

00:50:56.100 this high

00:50:56.580 dollar root

00:50:57.220 sauce over

00:50:57.800 here

00:50:58.120 I'm running

00:50:59.340 this high

00:50:59.880 dollar

00:51:00.240 freaking

00:51:00.620 this wand

00:51:02.420 chowder

00:51:03.300 so if

00:51:05.460 you out

00:51:05.780 you know

00:51:06.220 I got

00:51:07.520 that real

00:51:08.100 stick

00:51:08.860 venom

00:51:09.200 baby

00:51:09.480 you know

00:51:09.720 what I'm

00:51:09.940 saying

00:51:10.220 I could

00:51:10.940 sell

00:51:11.260 dude

00:51:11.520 I could

00:51:11.820 sell

00:51:12.120 this

00:51:12.380 I could

00:51:13.640 and my

00:51:14.500 stuff's

00:51:14.900 thick

00:51:15.200 too

00:51:15.540 I got

00:51:15.980 that

00:51:16.160 preserves

00:51:16.920 so I

00:51:18.440 could

00:51:18.580 I'm

00:51:18.880 sure

00:51:19.280 I could

00:51:20.340 get a

00:51:20.660 little

00:51:20.800 dollar

00:51:21.120 for this

00:51:21.660 so I'm

00:51:24.040 just saying

00:51:24.480 who's

00:51:24.760 paying

00:51:25.020 who

00:51:25.380 you know

00:51:26.180 we need

00:51:26.460 a passive

00:51:27.080 source of

00:51:27.560 passive

00:51:27.820 income

00:51:28.260 you need

00:51:29.300 a son

00:51:29.620 bud

00:51:29.880 okay

00:51:31.000 so I'm

00:51:31.420 paying

00:51:31.660 you're

00:51:31.900 saying

00:51:32.100 you need

00:51:32.480 a source

00:51:32.740 of passive

00:51:33.200 income

00:51:33.560 I need

00:51:33.880 a son

00:51:34.180 but I'm

00:51:35.020 not keeping

00:51:35.400 my son

00:51:36.020 you know

00:51:36.380 I don't

00:51:36.640 want to

00:51:36.840 have that

00:51:37.200 you know

00:51:37.600 the song

00:51:38.060 where you

00:51:38.300 go see

00:51:38.800 him like

00:51:39.120 he's in

00:51:39.380 a stable

00:51:39.960 or whatever

00:51:40.480 so I

00:51:43.480 appreciate it

00:51:44.120 man

00:51:44.440 you know

00:51:45.060 I guess

00:51:45.640 could I

00:51:46.400 impregnate

00:51:46.880 that guy

00:51:47.220 as a wife

00:51:47.740 I don't

00:51:49.240 think I

00:51:49.620 could man

00:51:50.200 I mean

00:51:50.560 I could

00:51:50.860 try

00:51:51.460 but that's

00:51:53.480 the crazy

00:51:53.880 part if she

00:51:54.440 and I

00:51:54.680 meet up at

00:51:55.140 a damn

00:51:55.460 days in

00:51:56.180 or whatever

00:51:56.580 and you

00:51:56.820 let me

00:51:57.120 try and

00:51:57.640 then it

00:51:57.840 doesn't

00:51:58.060 happen

00:51:58.520 maybe

00:52:01.280 maybe I'll

00:52:02.360 do that

00:52:02.800 dude

00:52:03.220 dude I'll

00:52:04.660 just meet

00:52:05.020 up and

00:52:05.320 try with

00:52:05.800 her for

00:52:06.040 a couple

00:52:06.320 hours

00:52:06.780 dude or

00:52:07.160 even

00:52:07.360 four even

00:52:07.980 50 even

00:52:08.760 17 minutes

00:52:09.700 so anyway

00:52:11.000 man I love

00:52:12.900 you guys and

00:52:13.340 thank you for

00:52:13.700 the opportunity

00:52:14.320 man thank you for

00:52:15.200 the opportunity

00:52:15.700 and I'll let

00:52:16.600 you know if I

00:52:17.080 need some of

00:52:17.640 that but

00:52:19.060 yeah I've

00:52:19.440 been thinking

00:52:20.120 about maybe it

00:52:20.960 would be nice

00:52:21.480 to have a

00:52:21.960 wife you know

00:52:23.140 I need I'm

00:52:23.700 definitely get

00:52:24.400 because my

00:52:25.040 friends are all

00:52:25.720 settling down

00:52:26.440 you know

00:52:28.080 Andrew

00:52:28.360 Schultz

00:52:28.780 just got

00:52:29.160 married

00:52:29.480 Chris

00:52:29.760 D'Elia

00:52:30.180 is married

00:52:30.780 Brennan

00:52:31.620 Shaw

00:52:31.980 was married

00:52:32.680 I mean

00:52:34.060 even just

00:52:34.620 the

00:52:34.960 the dumbest

00:52:36.540 people I

00:52:36.980 know are

00:52:37.360 married

00:52:37.800 so I'm

00:52:39.400 like if

00:52:39.640 they can

00:52:39.960 do it

00:52:40.240 I can

00:52:40.500 do it

00:52:41.380 so

00:52:41.860 what else

00:52:44.460 man

00:52:44.820 let's take

00:52:45.820 another call

00:52:46.420 that came

00:52:46.940 in

00:52:47.560 what do

00:52:50.560 we got

00:52:50.980 here

00:52:51.700 do you

00:52:59.780 believe

00:53:00.640 in

00:53:02.000 like

00:53:02.920 do you

00:53:04.120 believe

00:53:04.660 in

00:53:05.620 ghosts

00:53:06.120 you know

00:53:06.780 what I

00:53:07.020 mean

00:53:07.240 because

00:53:07.720 I saw

00:53:09.140 the ghost

00:53:09.680 man

00:53:10.000 I think

00:53:10.540 I saw

00:53:10.940 the ghost

00:53:11.440 yeah I

00:53:12.540 know what

00:53:12.920 you mean

00:53:13.480 but

00:53:13.860 do you

00:53:15.140 know what

00:53:15.540 I mean

00:53:15.780 yes I

00:53:16.360 know what

00:53:16.820 you mean

00:53:17.340 by ghosts

00:53:18.240 people don't

00:53:19.960 say hey

00:53:20.360 go you

00:53:20.760 know hey

00:53:21.800 I was at

00:53:22.280 the racetrack

00:53:22.940 I saw

00:53:23.260 those ghosts

00:53:24.040 going in

00:53:24.520 a circle

00:53:24.900 I know

00:53:25.840 what you

00:53:26.160 mean

00:53:26.500 you know

00:53:27.760 we went

00:53:28.200 fishing my

00:53:28.780 buddy reeled

00:53:29.360 in a

00:53:29.640 seven pound

00:53:30.180 ghost

00:53:30.600 I know

00:53:31.500 what you

00:53:31.840 mean

00:53:32.180 guy

00:53:32.700 okay

00:53:33.500 thank you

00:53:34.780 for the

00:53:35.040 call

00:53:35.380 also

00:53:36.160 and do

00:53:38.140 I believe

00:53:38.680 in ghosts

00:53:39.400 well

00:53:40.880 yes

00:53:42.460 because

00:53:44.840 you know

00:53:45.360 I'll go

00:53:45.880 I've

00:53:46.480 forgot

00:53:46.960 something

00:53:47.420 in another

00:53:47.880 room

00:53:48.220 before

00:53:48.580 you know

00:53:48.940 you got

00:53:49.620 to go

00:53:49.820 get

00:53:50.040 something

00:53:50.380 you leave

00:53:50.800 something

00:53:51.040 at home

00:53:51.600 or you

00:53:52.600 have to

00:53:52.820 call

00:53:53.120 a diner

00:53:53.780 in Maine

00:53:54.280 and tell

00:53:54.600 them to

00:53:54.840 mail your

00:53:55.180 air pod

00:53:55.840 I believe

00:53:58.460 stuff all

00:53:58.900 the time

00:53:59.400 so I can

00:54:00.720 imagine a

00:54:01.260 soul just

00:54:01.800 kind of

00:54:02.100 leave something

00:54:02.700 but then you

00:54:03.080 got to come

00:54:03.460 back and get

00:54:04.040 it

00:54:04.700 you know

00:54:05.180 and I

00:54:07.840 think it's

00:54:08.200 easy for a

00:54:08.780 soul to get

00:54:09.260 out of a

00:54:09.600 body's

00:54:10.100 pretty

00:54:10.380 you know

00:54:12.340 a body

00:54:12.820 is it's

00:54:13.500 just a

00:54:13.840 dirty bird

00:54:14.460 cage

00:54:14.860 baby

00:54:15.120 this thing

00:54:15.600 is

00:54:15.880 it's not

00:54:17.480 that strong

00:54:18.340 really

00:54:18.700 it's

00:54:19.140 great

00:54:19.620 because it

00:54:21.860 makes our

00:54:22.380 all our

00:54:22.840 organs just

00:54:23.400 be like a

00:54:23.860 team

00:54:24.240 but it's

00:54:25.680 not that

00:54:26.020 go stab

00:54:26.520 yourself

00:54:26.980 stab

00:54:28.040 yourself

00:54:28.300 four times

00:54:29.020 man

00:54:29.300 don't call

00:54:31.680 anybody for

00:54:32.160 eight minutes

00:54:32.660 see how you

00:54:33.080 do

00:54:33.360 you know

00:54:34.820 I'm saying

00:54:35.180 bodies only

00:54:37.660 can only

00:54:38.040 handle so

00:54:38.500 much

00:54:38.860 and I

00:54:40.440 don't

00:54:40.620 I don't

00:54:41.260 blame ghosts

00:54:41.920 for leaving

00:54:42.360 some bodies

00:54:43.120 I don't

00:54:44.940 blame

00:54:45.320 ghosts

00:54:45.780 for

00:54:46.020 some bodies

00:54:47.640 if I'm a

00:54:48.660 ghost

00:54:48.980 I'm a

00:54:49.320 spirit

00:54:49.620 I'm out

00:54:50.180 some guy

00:54:51.660 doesn't brush

00:54:52.180 his teeth

00:54:52.540 for a

00:54:52.880 month

00:54:53.160 dude

00:54:53.480 I'm

00:54:53.960 ghosted

00:54:54.920 I'm

00:54:55.440 out

00:54:56.060 okay

00:54:56.600 some

00:54:57.920 guy's

00:54:58.340 in a

00:54:58.700 domestic

00:54:59.220 dispute

00:54:59.920 dude

00:55:00.360 and he's

00:55:01.080 in a

00:55:01.280 standoff

00:55:01.720 with the

00:55:01.980 police

00:55:02.220 I'm

00:55:04.180 out

00:55:04.600 I think

00:55:06.520 you're

00:55:06.660 going to

00:55:06.820 see a

00:55:07.160 lot more

00:55:07.720 ghosts

00:55:08.200 because I

00:55:08.760 think ghosts

00:55:09.460 are tired

00:55:09.960 of being

00:55:10.320 we're just

00:55:11.540 you know

00:55:11.880 people screwing

00:55:12.780 around

00:55:13.320 just drinking

00:55:14.580 damn mountain

00:55:15.340 dudes all

00:55:16.020 day

00:55:16.240 if I'm a

00:55:16.760 ghost

00:55:17.080 and I

00:55:17.360 want to

00:55:17.620 do more

00:55:18.020 running

00:55:18.460 if I'm

00:55:19.280 that David

00:55:19.800 Goskins

00:55:20.420 I'm out

00:55:21.700 that's probably

00:55:23.740 who a lot

00:55:24.280 of spirits

00:55:24.680 are

00:55:24.960 a lot

00:55:25.540 of spirits

00:55:26.000 are just

00:55:26.540 a lot

00:55:27.900 of ghosts

00:55:28.300 are just

00:55:28.800 spirits

00:55:29.760 that left

00:55:30.340 home

00:55:30.620 because

00:55:30.980 shit

00:55:31.300 was getting

00:55:31.720 bad

00:55:32.080 in the

00:55:32.320 body

00:55:32.660 you know

00:55:35.840 you realize

00:55:36.800 you know

00:55:37.480 your owner

00:55:38.660 or whatever

00:55:39.080 can't read

00:55:39.960 and he's

00:55:41.360 30

00:55:41.860 I'm

00:55:42.640 moved

00:55:43.260 I'm

00:55:44.880 leaving

00:55:45.440 goes

00:55:47.560 by

00:55:48.020 I'm

00:55:48.760 not

00:55:48.980 staying

00:55:49.420 around

00:55:50.180 inside

00:55:50.760 of

00:55:50.960 somebody

00:55:51.420 at a

00:55:51.760 certain

00:55:51.960 point

00:55:52.440 that's

00:55:53.020 not

00:55:53.380 towing

00:55:54.340 their

00:55:54.580 end of

00:55:54.900 the

00:55:55.020 line

00:55:55.400 you know

00:55:56.660 you

00:55:57.380 dudes

00:55:58.220 out there

00:55:58.560 playing

00:55:58.860 dice

00:55:59.300 and he's

00:55:59.620 41

00:56:00.280 I'm

00:56:01.520 out

00:56:02.320 I'm

00:56:03.320 out

00:56:04.240 I'm

00:56:07.960 out

00:56:08.300 so

00:56:10.280 I'm

00:56:10.460 not

00:56:10.680 shocked

00:56:11.020 that

00:56:11.180 a lot

00:56:11.520 of

00:56:11.680 ghosts

00:56:12.040 are

00:56:12.220 really

00:56:12.640 I

00:56:13.640 think

00:56:13.840 you'll

00:56:13.980 see

00:56:14.160 more

00:56:14.420 ghosts

00:56:14.840 because

00:56:15.980 I

00:56:16.120 think

00:56:16.300 a lot

00:56:16.600 of

00:56:16.680 these

00:56:16.820 spirits

00:56:17.100 are

00:56:17.240 getting

00:56:17.400 tired

00:56:17.780 of

00:56:17.940 they

00:56:18.080 thought

00:56:18.280 we

00:56:18.420 were

00:56:18.500 going

00:56:18.620 to

00:56:18.720 do

00:56:18.940 something

00:56:19.260 with

00:56:19.520 this

00:56:19.720 whole

00:56:20.000 deal

00:56:20.500 and

00:56:21.120 we're

00:56:21.280 just

00:56:21.480 fucking

00:56:21.780 people

00:56:22.120 are

00:56:22.260 just

00:56:22.480 masturbating

00:56:23.320 and

00:56:23.520 looking

00:56:23.760 you know

00:56:24.100 doing

00:56:24.360 binoculars

00:56:25.100 and shit

00:56:25.740 if

00:56:26.860 that's

00:56:27.340 all

00:56:27.620 and

00:56:28.080 I'm

00:56:28.280 a

00:56:28.420 spirit

00:56:29.040 sayonara

00:56:31.260 I'm

00:56:31.880 out

00:56:32.120 ever

00:56:33.300 moved

00:56:33.620 out

00:56:33.780 of a

00:56:33.980 bad

00:56:34.240 neighborhood

00:56:34.700 that's

00:56:36.220 that's

00:56:36.600 a ghost

00:56:37.020 that's

00:56:38.340 a ghost

00:56:38.740 these

00:56:39.020 days

00:56:39.400 the

00:56:40.480 bodies

00:56:40.900 they're

00:56:41.140 in

00:56:41.480 they're

00:56:42.220 not

00:56:42.500 cutting

00:56:42.900 it

00:56:43.180 and

00:56:44.560 they

00:56:44.740 just

00:56:45.000 say

00:56:45.220 hey

00:56:45.480 I'm

00:56:46.240 done

00:56:46.480 here

00:56:46.780 I'm

00:56:47.620 gonna

00:56:47.700 go

00:56:47.800 look

00:56:48.000 for

00:56:48.140 something

00:56:48.440 else

00:56:48.680 so

00:56:48.860 yeah

00:56:49.120 I

00:56:50.800 believe

00:56:51.100 in

00:56:51.260 ghosts

00:56:51.540 bub

00:56:51.880 I

00:56:52.240 do

00:56:52.420 believe

00:56:52.740 in

00:56:52.920 them

00:56:53.140 what

00:56:56.620 else

00:56:56.940 do

00:56:57.120 we

00:56:57.300 have

00:56:57.640 let's

00:56:57.860 see

00:56:57.960 if

00:56:58.060 we

00:56:58.160 can't

00:56:58.400 get

00:56:58.520 to

00:56:58.660 one

00:56:58.880 more

00:56:59.080 call

00:56:59.600 well

00:57:02.020 here's

00:57:02.260 one

00:57:02.400 that

00:57:02.540 came

00:57:02.760 in

00:57:03.760 what's

00:57:09.280 up

00:57:09.420 brother

00:57:09.620 Jeremy

00:57:10.040 thank you

00:57:10.360 for

00:57:10.500 calling

00:57:10.760 mate

00:57:11.080 I

00:57:11.940 was

00:57:12.080 gonna

00:57:12.240 let

00:57:12.500 you

00:57:12.660 know

00:57:13.020 that

00:57:13.460 I

00:57:14.000 took

00:57:14.180 a

00:57:14.340 trip

00:57:14.620 over

00:57:15.000 to

00:57:15.280 Australia

00:57:16.520 and

00:57:16.920 I

00:57:17.060 came

00:57:17.380 back

00:57:17.800 and

00:57:17.940 I

00:57:18.040 had

00:57:18.240 some

00:57:18.460 cuts

00:57:18.780 all

00:57:19.020 over

00:57:19.300 me

00:57:19.520 and

00:57:19.640 my

00:57:20.300 mom

00:57:20.620 said

00:57:21.120 yo

00:57:21.680 where

00:57:21.940 did

00:57:22.060 those

00:57:22.300 cuts

00:57:22.620 come

00:57:22.920 from

00:57:23.260 I

00:57:23.460 said

00:57:23.740 rise

00:57:24.160 up

00:57:24.400 light

00:57:24.900 rise

00:57:25.740 up

00:57:26.000 lights

00:57:26.660 rise

00:57:27.800 up

00:57:28.040 lights

00:57:28.560 and

00:57:30.120 she

00:57:30.500 laughed

00:57:31.120 and

00:57:31.380 we

00:57:31.520 cried

00:57:32.080 and

00:57:32.660 it

00:57:32.800 was

00:57:32.940 a

00:57:33.100 special

00:57:33.380 moment

00:57:33.860 but

00:57:34.420 hey

00:57:34.720 I

00:57:35.300 wanted

00:57:35.540 to

00:57:35.740 let

00:57:35.920 you

00:57:36.100 know

00:57:36.380 that

00:57:36.740 in

00:57:37.280 your

00:57:37.420 episode

00:57:37.800 you

00:57:38.080 were

00:57:38.200 talking

00:57:38.480 about

00:57:38.860 turquoise

00:57:40.180 hens

00:57:40.920 or

00:57:41.620 Turkish

00:57:42.100 hens

00:57:42.600 I

00:57:43.080 think

00:57:43.360 you

00:57:43.520 might

00:57:43.760 have

00:57:43.920 meant

00:57:44.180 a

00:57:44.660 cornish

00:57:45.340 hen

00:57:46.000 dog

00:57:46.700 you

00:57:46.900 know

00:57:47.020 the

00:57:47.240 little

00:57:47.560 chickadee

00:57:49.060 that

00:57:49.580 you

00:57:49.740 put

00:57:50.040 the

00:57:50.500 stuffing

00:57:50.960 in

00:57:51.460 or

00:57:51.860 you

00:57:52.020 get

00:57:52.300 it

00:57:52.440 from

00:57:52.600 the

00:57:52.780 store

00:57:53.120 yeah

00:57:54.100 brother

00:57:54.360 thank you

00:57:55.260 yeah

00:57:55.480 Turkish

00:57:55.920 hen

00:57:56.280 baby

00:57:56.620 oh no

00:57:57.240 cornish

00:57:57.760 hen

00:57:58.120 sorry

00:57:58.560 yeah

00:58:01.880 cornish

00:58:02.660 hen

00:58:02.980 it's

00:58:03.220 you're

00:58:03.400 right

00:58:03.680 and

00:58:04.300 thank you

00:58:04.700 for that

00:58:05.040 man

00:58:05.280 yeah

00:58:05.520 I remember

00:58:06.060 when my

00:58:06.500 mother

00:58:06.840 dated a

00:58:07.560 man

00:58:07.880 he had

00:58:09.120 cornish

00:58:09.600 he made us

00:58:10.120 the first

00:58:10.560 time he

00:58:11.060 ever had

00:58:11.380 us come

00:58:11.680 over

00:58:11.860 he made

00:58:12.140 us

00:58:12.280 cornish

00:58:12.740 hens

00:58:13.120 and

00:58:15.140 we're

00:58:15.340 poor

00:58:15.680 as fuck

00:58:15.980 I'd

00:58:16.140 never

00:58:16.280 seen

00:58:16.460 a

00:58:16.580 real

00:58:16.760 hen

00:58:17.040 you know

00:58:17.840 I'd

00:58:18.040 never

00:58:18.220 I didn't

00:58:18.560 know

00:58:18.740 what

00:58:19.020 but I

00:58:19.980 knew

00:58:20.280 that

00:58:20.480 this

00:58:20.680 man

00:58:21.000 it

00:58:21.120 was

00:58:21.240 real

00:58:21.440 weird

00:58:21.760 he was

00:58:22.060 feeding us

00:58:22.520 these

00:58:22.700 little

00:58:23.100 bitty

00:58:23.420 ass

00:58:23.940 you know

00:58:24.780 these

00:58:25.720 are

00:58:25.840 little

00:58:26.100 children

00:58:26.760 hens

00:58:27.180 this

00:58:27.400 is

00:58:27.680 this

00:58:30.480 is

00:58:30.740 what

00:58:32.040 a lot

00:58:32.340 of

00:58:32.620 you know

00:58:34.220 this

00:58:34.380 is

00:58:34.520 some

00:58:34.680 Epstein

00:58:35.200 appetizers

00:58:36.440 baby

00:58:36.740 this

00:58:37.000 is

00:58:37.280 something

00:58:38.620 Ghislaine

00:58:40.420 Maxwell

00:58:40.920 would

00:58:41.160 consider

00:58:41.500 a

00:58:41.740 delicacy

00:58:42.400 so

00:58:43.980 yeah

00:58:45.600 and I

00:58:46.180 just

00:58:46.360 remember

00:58:46.680 trying to

00:58:47.080 eat

00:58:47.220 that

00:58:47.440 bitch

00:58:47.800 and just

00:58:48.160 hated

00:58:49.180 that

00:58:49.420 man

00:58:49.760 you know

00:58:50.800 because

00:58:51.020 it just

00:58:51.420 it's

00:58:53.260 already

00:58:53.660 hard

00:58:54.000 you're

00:58:54.260 being

00:58:54.440 a

00:58:54.640 kid

00:58:54.900 you have

00:58:55.200 to go

00:58:55.440 to

00:58:55.580 someone's

00:58:55.940 house

00:58:56.120 and eat

00:58:56.580 you don't

00:58:56.920 know

00:58:57.220 them

00:58:57.460 and they're

00:58:58.900 dating

00:58:59.140 your mom

00:58:59.700 and then

00:59:00.140 they give

00:59:00.540 you this

00:59:00.900 little

00:59:01.200 and it

00:59:02.040 just

00:59:02.260 looks

00:59:02.640 so

00:59:02.900 more

00:59:03.240 human

00:59:03.660 you see

00:59:04.000 it's

00:59:04.140 little

00:59:04.440 arms

00:59:05.020 and it's

00:59:05.320 little

00:59:05.560 muscles

00:59:06.240 god

00:59:07.760 it

00:59:08.600 just

00:59:08.800 felt

00:59:09.000 like

00:59:09.160 being

00:59:09.340 in

00:59:09.540 science

00:59:09.980 class

00:59:10.440 like

00:59:10.800 during

00:59:11.460 like

00:59:11.760 11th grade

00:59:12.500 but suddenly

00:59:13.020 they gave

00:59:13.380 you a fork

00:59:14.080 instead of

00:59:15.240 a scalpel

00:59:15.820 and you're

00:59:16.100 like

00:59:16.420 this is

00:59:19.100 gonna be

00:59:19.400 dicey

00:59:19.760 so

00:59:22.340 anyway

00:59:23.200 yeah I

00:59:24.260 remember those

00:59:24.740 hands

00:59:25.020 baby gang

00:59:25.700 what else

00:59:28.540 let's take

00:59:30.080 one more

00:59:30.420 call

00:59:30.740 man

00:59:31.340 thank you

00:59:43.480 for calling

00:59:43.840 alan

00:59:44.240 from west

00:59:45.220 la

00:59:45.640 baby

00:59:46.020 gang

00:59:46.900 onward

00:59:47.340 i'm

00:59:51.120 i'm

00:59:51.400 calling

00:59:51.720 in

00:59:51.940 and i'm

00:59:52.180 trying

00:59:52.420 not to

00:59:52.780 be

00:59:53.100 emotional

00:59:54.760 um

00:59:56.020 these

00:59:58.220 are

00:59:58.600 happy

00:59:59.120 tears

00:59:59.440 though

00:59:59.780 i'm

01:00:01.720 calling

01:00:02.820 because i

01:00:03.120 just want

01:00:03.380 to say

01:00:03.600 thank you

01:00:03.960 so much

01:00:04.400 man

01:00:04.640 um

01:00:05.500 you know

01:00:06.760 if you're

01:00:07.040 ever wondering

01:00:07.520 if you're

01:00:07.880 doing something

01:00:08.420 good

01:00:08.760 theo i

01:00:10.640 want to let

01:00:11.020 you know

01:00:11.240 that you

01:00:11.600 you've helped

01:00:12.580 me so much

01:00:13.240 in my life

01:00:13.840 a few

01:00:17.260 years ago

01:00:17.740 i was

01:00:18.100 i was in

01:00:18.780 a really

01:00:19.020 bad spot

01:00:19.780 i was in

01:00:20.920 several toxic

01:00:22.640 relationships

01:00:23.440 with bad

01:00:24.400 people

01:00:24.760 i was

01:00:25.160 stuck in

01:00:26.500 a job

01:00:27.400 or

01:00:27.660 i mean

01:00:28.520 it was more

01:00:29.100 of like a

01:00:29.500 cult to be

01:00:30.200 honest

01:00:30.460 i was

01:00:30.760 brainwashed

01:00:31.520 damn

01:00:32.460 brainwashed

01:00:33.300 damn

01:00:33.700 brother

01:00:34.100 my god

01:00:35.800 brother

01:00:36.160 damn

01:00:37.020 i'm sorry

01:00:39.160 to hear it

01:00:39.600 man

01:00:39.920 i can't

01:00:41.360 i've never

01:00:41.600 been brainwashed

01:00:42.520 really

01:00:42.760 i mean

01:00:42.980 we all

01:00:43.380 have

01:00:43.700 but

01:00:43.940 i never

01:00:44.840 have been

01:00:45.340 directly

01:00:45.840 brainwashed

01:00:46.660 man

01:00:47.020 and i'm

01:00:47.320 sorry

01:00:47.560 to hear

01:00:47.840 that

01:00:48.140 onward

01:00:48.600 i was

01:00:49.840 dead

01:00:50.520 broke

01:00:50.980 um

01:00:52.440 i had

01:00:54.100 negative

01:00:54.680 money

01:00:55.040 actually

01:00:55.380 my

01:00:56.180 account

01:00:56.780 would get

01:00:57.060 overdrafted

01:00:57.620 all the

01:00:57.880 time

01:00:58.200 my savings

01:00:59.720 and checking

01:01:00.180 so i mean

01:01:00.940 if you gave

01:01:01.560 me money

01:01:01.920 i would still

01:01:02.380 have zero

01:01:03.080 money

01:01:03.460 oh dude

01:01:08.280 that's wild

01:01:08.880 if you gave

01:01:09.540 me money

01:01:09.920 i would still

01:01:10.400 have zero

01:01:11.000 money

01:01:11.460 that's crazy

01:01:12.120 onward

01:01:12.520 brother

01:01:12.780 i'm not

01:01:13.080 laughing

01:01:13.360 at you

01:01:13.760 man

01:01:13.940 it made

01:01:14.160 me

01:01:14.260 laugh

01:01:14.560 gang

01:01:14.880 that's

01:01:15.520 how bad

01:01:15.860 it was

01:01:16.260 when i was

01:01:18.000 in that

01:01:18.280 condition

01:01:18.600 man i was

01:01:19.060 living right

01:01:19.720 next to

01:01:20.100 great

01:01:20.300 warm pizza

01:01:20.820 on pico and

01:01:22.220 17th and i

01:01:23.020 turned on your

01:01:23.480 podcast and i

01:01:25.600 heard that you

01:01:26.680 were sponsored by

01:01:27.280 them so i gave you a

01:01:28.160 chance and

01:01:28.700 about you know a

01:01:30.960 year and a half

01:01:31.700 ago i was

01:01:33.280 listening and you

01:01:34.280 were just talking

01:01:35.960 about making

01:01:36.900 changes in life man

01:01:38.080 and you said this

01:01:40.380 thing which sounds

01:01:40.940 almost silly but

01:01:41.640 you said if

01:01:43.420 nothing changes

01:01:44.120 if nothing

01:01:44.540 changes and that

01:01:46.280 gave me the

01:01:46.900 strength to do

01:01:49.660 something and

01:01:50.240 change my

01:01:50.860 situation man and

01:01:51.720 now i'm doing

01:01:53.680 better than i ever

01:01:54.480 have man i have

01:01:55.240 a partner who loves

01:01:57.400 me and we're doing

01:01:58.260 great and i have a

01:01:59.960 job that's fantastic

01:02:01.380 and i'm saving a lot

01:02:04.640 of money i have more

01:02:05.260 money than i ever had

01:02:05.960 in my entire life and

01:02:07.160 things are just going

01:02:07.740 up and up and i

01:02:10.060 just i just want to

01:02:10.740 thank you so much

01:02:11.380 theo i i love you

01:02:13.080 i love your podcast

01:02:13.800 and i i just thank

01:02:18.040 you so much for

01:02:19.140 everything you do

01:02:19.740 man i appreciate

01:02:20.340 you

01:02:20.900 gang brother uh

01:02:25.540 thank you man thanks

01:02:28.940 for the message

01:02:29.600 uh gray block pizza

01:02:32.480 baby yeah 1811

01:02:35.100 pico boulevard on

01:02:36.320 the way to the beach

01:02:37.160 son gray block

01:02:38.580 baby get that

01:02:39.440 hitter man i'm

01:02:42.280 happy for you you

01:02:43.460 know i'm happy that

01:02:44.240 you're feeling better

01:02:45.140 uh i appreciate you

01:02:47.360 calling and just

01:02:48.100 sharing that um and

01:02:51.240 that's all you man it's

01:02:52.480 all you you know

01:02:53.620 choosing to do

01:02:54.300 something different in

01:02:55.000 your life um you know

01:02:58.100 that nothing changes if

01:02:59.280 nothing changes it's a

01:03:00.400 it's a great statement i

01:03:01.860 heard that somewhere in

01:03:03.700 an aa meeting uh and

01:03:06.700 i shared it you know

01:03:08.060 because it just

01:03:08.820 resonated with me so

01:03:09.940 much and i remember it

01:03:10.900 all the time you know

01:03:12.920 that if something is

01:03:13.700 going to be different i

01:03:14.460 have to do something

01:03:15.500 different you know i

01:03:18.240 can't think my way in a

01:03:20.600 positive action but i can

01:03:22.480 act my way in a positive

01:03:24.880 thinking you know and

01:03:27.420 um yeah i just said i

01:03:31.800 could sit there and

01:03:32.680 think all day but it's

01:03:33.580 not going to do

01:03:34.000 anything for me i got to

01:03:35.260 move my legs i have to

01:03:36.320 move my heart um or if

01:03:39.720 i move my legs it can

01:03:40.960 it can move my heart it

01:03:42.500 can move my brain but i

01:03:44.420 gotta do something

01:03:45.340 nothing changes if

01:03:47.460 nothing changes man

01:03:48.560 and yeah thank you for

01:03:49.960 reminding me of that i

01:03:50.940 needed to hear that so

01:03:52.580 it's a statement that we

01:03:53.520 share you know and you

01:03:54.740 hear it and and and

01:03:56.820 then i hear it and

01:03:57.760 somebody else hears it

01:03:59.540 and you know i'm trying

01:04:01.620 to do something i'm just

01:04:02.340 trying to be loving this

01:04:03.280 holiday season i'm just

01:04:04.340 trying to remember that

01:04:05.860 there's new possibilities

01:04:06.900 i'm just trying to

01:04:07.800 remember that um that

01:04:10.900 things could be better

01:04:12.740 always even if they're

01:04:14.920 already great there's

01:04:15.740 always room for things

01:04:16.840 to be better or

01:04:17.600 different or more

01:04:18.220 unique um and that all

01:04:22.740 things are really are

01:04:23.820 possible uh and that

01:04:27.720 may sound crazy to some

01:04:29.020 people but i just think

01:04:30.760 it all just ends in that

01:04:31.720 space that yeah if if i

01:04:33.380 want things to be

01:04:34.320 different i have to do

01:04:35.460 something different

01:04:36.240 uh you know it's it's

01:04:41.260 just it's all just

01:04:42.280 memes at this point but

01:04:44.260 anyway man i love you

01:04:46.800 brother and uh and

01:04:48.960 thank you for calling dude

01:04:49.880 i'm so happy that you're

01:04:50.700 doing better you know i'm

01:04:52.440 so happy that you got

01:04:53.480 that fever you got that

01:04:54.760 fire that you decided to

01:04:56.720 change something and it

01:04:58.920 sounds like once you did

01:04:59.840 that a lot of things have

01:05:00.700 changed so uh what else

01:05:05.880 we've been offered to

01:05:06.420 impregnate a wife we talked

01:05:08.240 about ghosts um let's take

01:05:11.880 one more we'll take one more

01:05:13.180 here what's up cliff from

01:05:21.640 out there in worcester mass

01:05:22.820 baby onward i called you

01:05:24.580 before talking about my

01:05:26.360 uh alcoholic ways bro i

01:05:30.580 went to treatment i'm back

01:05:32.080 my son's second birthday

01:05:33.720 tonight um i just love

01:05:36.720 everything you do man you're

01:05:38.100 a great inspiration um i

01:05:42.260 i don't know what to say

01:05:43.020 except for i'm upstairs

01:05:44.560 all right brother keep it

01:05:47.880 50 later gang baby keep it

01:05:51.240 50 i'll do what i can i'll

01:05:53.580 meet you halfway i'll meet

01:05:56.320 you halfway it takes two to

01:05:57.660 tango it takes we can't do

01:05:59.640 it alone you know we got

01:06:01.840 this i'm so happy for you

01:06:04.600 man happy birthday your son's

01:06:06.080 second birthday and you

01:06:08.240 sitting there with a clear

01:06:10.300 head and clear heart you can

01:06:11.660 handle it and you dare and

01:06:13.960 you you you you're capable

01:06:15.680 of uh of being there for

01:06:18.140 him today um man that's

01:06:20.760 cool that's really cool man

01:06:23.640 uh just happy for you you

01:06:27.820 know happy that you're

01:06:28.680 living that's living man

01:06:30.340 seeing a kid have fun and

01:06:33.480 you put him to bed and then

01:06:34.780 you and you sitting there

01:06:36.200 with memories of it you

01:06:37.160 sitting there just caught up

01:06:38.840 having the joy still of it

01:06:40.140 high on the joy of other

01:06:43.520 humans and of love oh it's

01:06:47.160 good shit man that's beautiful

01:06:48.880 shit so congratulations man

01:06:52.640 merry christmas to you and to

01:06:54.780 your little fella and uh

01:06:56.820 merry christmas to everybody i

01:06:58.640 want to thank everybody for

01:06:59.600 being a part of this podcast

01:07:00.720 this year uh i want to thank

01:07:03.700 everybody that's um helped

01:07:05.940 produce this podcast this year

01:07:07.860 uh and just been a part of my

01:07:09.740 life um colin reiner raleigh

01:07:12.700 mal uh nick davis um uh sean

01:07:18.820 dugan jimmy rector we've had a

01:07:21.840 whole crew this year that is uh

01:07:23.780 chipped in and helped out it's

01:07:25.060 been a unique time with uh moving

01:07:27.660 around and and trying different

01:07:30.040 things uh and you guys thank you

01:07:33.000 and uh thank you for being a part

01:07:35.260 of my life

01:07:35.880 and if you need me uh i'm gonna

01:07:40.520 probably take a break coming up in

01:07:42.580 january here we'll have some guest

01:07:44.660 episodes that you'll be able to

01:07:46.300 enjoy um and those are all new

01:07:48.840 guest episodes uh those won't be

01:07:51.100 repeats or anything um but i'm just

01:07:54.180 trying to focus on just making

01:07:56.120 myself feel pretty pretty well and

01:07:59.280 uh and um you know i haven't

01:08:02.100 figured out exactly how i'm gonna

01:08:03.240 do that i'm looking at some

01:08:04.200 different options um and i'm gonna

01:08:06.400 choose what's just most comfortable

01:08:07.920 for me and um and that's always

01:08:11.280 evolving kind of uh but i'm grateful

01:08:14.600 to you guys and if you need me baby

01:08:16.860 you know where i'm gonna be son i'm

01:08:18.400 upstairs gang baby let's leave out in

01:08:22.500 this uh holiday tune right here

01:08:24.660 there we go

01:08:31.040 do they say come a lot

01:09:01.020 cutting this deal on jeepers

01:09:02.460 born the king of angels

01:09:05.620 come let us adore him

01:09:09.000 come let us adore him

01:09:11.620 come all ye faithful joyful and

01:09:15.800 triumphant

01:09:17.220 come ye come ye to Bethlehem

01:09:22.040 come and behold him

01:09:25.620 born the king of angels

01:09:28.340 come let us adore him

01:09:31.100 come let us adore him

01:09:33.880 come all ye faithful joyful and

01:09:37.880 triumphant

01:09:38.940 that is if you want to grab that you

01:09:41.860 can it's oh come all ye faithful by

01:09:44.660 Grigory David

01:09:46.080 thank you guys for being a part of my

01:09:49.920 year man

01:09:50.540 uh you guys be good to yourself gang

01:09:52.380 ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and

01:09:58.740 welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events

01:10:03.420 stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner the answer may shock you

01:10:08.860 sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i won't and as always i'll be joined by the voices in my head

01:10:15.680 you have three new voice messages

01:10:18.560 a lot of people are talking about kite club i've been talking about kite club for so long longer than anybody else so great

01:10:26.800 hi

01:10:27.800 sweet

01:10:28.380 easy deal

01:10:29.840 anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker

01:10:34.340 jermaine

01:10:35.060 hi i'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a mcflurry

01:10:39.360 sorry sir but our ice cream machine is broken

01:10:41.220 oh no

01:10:43.120 i think tom hanks just butt dialed me

01:10:46.180 anyway first rule of kite club is

01:10:48.580 tell everyone about kite club

01:10:50.300 second rule of kite club is

01:10:52.220 tell everyone about kite club

01:10:54.480 third rule

01:10:55.260 like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts

01:10:57.880 or watch us on youtube yeah

01:11:00.060 and yes don't worry

01:11:01.540 my brad pitt impression will get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - December 21, 2021

E372 Christmas Possibilities

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