This Past Weekend with Theo Von - April 04, 2022


E387 Bird Neckin


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 17 minutes

Words per minute

143.05763

Word count

11,111

Sentence count

910

Harmful content

Misogyny

39

sentences flagged

Toxicity

178

sentences flagged

Hate speech

43

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Happy to be alive. That's how I try to feel most of the time. I think that's how God wants me back. And it's a beautiful thing to feel that way. I don't know about you, but I can feel it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.
00:00:02.300 Rocky's vacation, here we come.
00:00:05.060 Whoa, is this economy?
00:00:07.180 Free beer, wine, and snacks.
00:00:09.620 Sweet! 0.95
00:00:10.720 Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.
00:00:14.760 And with live TV, I'm not missing the game.
00:00:17.800 It's kind of like, I'm already on vacation.
00:00:20.980 Nice! 0.94
00:00:22.140 On behalf of Air Canada, nice travels.
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00:00:28.580 See AirCanada.com.
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00:01:20.160 Happy to be alive.
00:01:23.680 That's how I feel.
00:01:24.760 That's how I try to feel most of the time.
00:01:27.360 I just try to remind myself, hey, man, happy, happy to be alive, you know?
00:01:36.140 When I get to open my eyes, it's like, okay, they want me back, you know?
00:01:42.220 That's how I feel a lot of times, like, in the morning when I open my eyes.
00:01:49.180 It's like, all right, God wants me back, you know?
00:01:53.680 Or they want to, you know, they want to run it back, okay?
00:01:58.980 I made it, you know?
00:02:01.720 I think that's how I feel in the morning when I open my eyes.
00:02:04.540 It's like, yeah, okay, I'm, they got called up again.
00:02:16.320 What's going on?
00:02:17.280 Happy day to you.
00:02:20.160 I got that big hair today, baby.
00:02:23.480 I can feel it.
00:02:24.640 Because I feel, because I knew when I parked and walked into the building that I saw a bird look at me.
00:02:37.280 I saw a bird.
00:02:39.600 Because birds move their neck and it's so quiet, you know?
00:02:43.040 It just, it's so severe and quiet.
00:02:47.860 A bird can't slowly move its neck.
00:02:50.460 You notice that?
00:02:56.900 A bird is like, has to be either at like 12 o'clock, 9 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 11, 15.
00:03:07.980 But a bird can't just slowly migrate like 11, 15, 11, 16, 11, 17, 11, 18.
00:03:14.100 A bird can't slowly move its neck.
00:03:15.940 But anyway, I saw a bird look at my head and I knew it was thinking, it was like a, you know, having nest thoughts. 0.98
00:03:27.380 I just felt, that bird looked, I knew it was thinking, oh, damn, look at that fella. 0.99
00:03:33.400 That boy's got a damn Hampton Inn on his neck. 0.99
00:03:36.260 That's what he, when he saw his big hair, he's thinking, oh, that boy, that fella's got a fair feel then in suites that I'd like to sleep in. 0.99
00:03:46.900 I could just feel that bird looking at me.
00:03:48.580 And that's when you know you got big hair.
00:03:52.140 That's when you know that I got that teepee today.
00:03:54.700 I got that wigwam. 1.00
00:03:56.040 My shit is Native American. 1.00
00:03:57.360 I got that, literally that wigwam. 1.00
00:04:01.580 And I'm having reservations.
00:04:03.580 I'm always having reservations.
00:04:08.220 But yeah, I wake up and I'm like, oh, right when I wake up, I'm like, all right.
00:04:14.260 Life must want me back.
00:04:17.580 And it's the same for you guys, man.
00:04:19.240 Life wants you back.
00:04:21.120 Life wants you here today.
00:04:22.620 You know, life, life, God, the powers, the deities of the universe made a choice and they said yes to you today.
00:04:38.520 And that's, that's beautiful, you know, that is, that's a welcome mat.
00:04:51.420 You know, when you open your eyes, that's a welcome mat.
00:04:57.200 From the gods, really.
00:04:59.880 It's exactly what that is, baby.
00:05:02.280 Gang, baby, praise God.
00:05:04.440 And yeah, let's get into it.
00:05:07.600 Come on.
00:05:16.960 I'll make it be
00:05:28.420 Higher than a mountain
00:05:32.220 Mountain, mountain
00:05:34.200 Set me free
00:05:36.960 Just don't say goodbye
00:05:40.480 It's you and me
00:05:45.940 Enjoy the destination
00:05:49.220 Fantasy
00:05:53.680 Painting on the wall
00:05:57.720 It's never too late
00:06:04.320 To come over
00:06:06.780 Time slips away
00:06:12.680 From you and me now
00:06:15.560 Alright, I don't know if that audio felt low to me a little, but maybe it's, uh, could have been just me.
00:06:26.480 Um, that is, uh, come over by Stevie Starlight
00:06:31.040 And if you're not familiar with that little dang, uh, the cinnamon bear of the universe, that is Stevie Starlight, then go get you a dose.
00:06:40.300 Go have, go have, go have, uh, go have Mother Nature cut you up a grandma Stevie Starlight, baby. 0.97
00:06:47.640 And put that in your snout a lot, uh, snout a luff again, son. 0.53
00:06:50.640 You'll be on Yesamie Street, bro, in no time, dog.
00:06:55.520 There's, um, he's a beautiful listener and a beautiful man, Stevie Starlight.
00:07:01.980 What's going on?
00:07:03.540 Um, a lot.
00:07:07.060 Um, you know, it's, uh, it's been a, there's a couple things I can tell you about.
00:07:12.520 Um, you know, I've had, I had, uh, I had, oh, I want to tell you, actually, that we have some new tour dates coming.
00:07:25.500 I do want to announce them because I'm excited.
00:07:28.620 Um, uh, Return of the Rat is heading to Albuquerque, New Mexico.
00:07:34.820 We will be there May 18th, Midland, Texas, May 19, Lubbock, Texas, May 20, and Dallas, Texas, May 21.
00:07:50.160 Right there, beautiful.
00:07:52.300 Also, Savannah, Georgia, we want to come and see you and see how you're doing and take your temperature.
00:07:58.880 Do that rectal-mometer. 0.99
00:08:00.780 That's June 2nd, Savannah, GA.
00:08:02.680 Okay, Augusta, GA, June 3rd, June 4th, Montgomery, Alabama, and June 5th, Columbus, Georgia.
00:08:14.640 So there you go, some beautiful choices.
00:08:17.160 Um, excited to be going to those places.
00:08:20.140 And, uh, you can get tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. 0.80
00:08:26.580 And those will be on sale, um, for our Patreon on Tuesday, April 5th at 10 a.m. local.
00:08:34.260 Uh, we have a small Patreon, but we are very grateful, uh, to them for their support over the years.
00:08:41.000 Um, and then the Artist Pre-Sale.
00:08:43.920 That goes on sale on Wednesday, April 6th at 10 a.m. local time.
00:08:49.640 Um, and that is Rat King.
00:08:53.180 And so, very grateful to you guys, uh, for supporting me.
00:08:58.680 And, uh, then the general on sale will be Friday, April 8th at 10 a.m. local time.
00:09:04.040 So, Wednesday, April 6th, you can start to get them on Rat King will be the code.
00:09:09.400 And I'm, I'm excited about that, man.
00:09:12.080 I'm excited.
00:09:13.000 You know, it feels, the world feels weird right now.
00:09:18.640 It feels, and I might be the only one, I don't know, but to me something feels, it feels, I don't know.
00:09:28.680 It feels disjointed some.
00:09:32.320 You know, it feels like, uh, and I don't know if it's the world or if it's just like our society.
00:09:40.480 Or if it's just America even.
00:09:43.820 You know, but things just feel strange out there.
00:09:50.500 You know, is it just me or does it, everything has a little bit of a Halloween edge, I feel like.
00:09:58.220 Uh, like stores, some stores, they don't have anybody even there, you know, they're like, you know, stores don't have employees, we're understaffed.
00:10:07.520 You know, you get through, you're at Chipotle and you get to the end of the line and it's like they hired some person who's never even worked before.
00:10:18.180 Like has had, you know, and they're just standing, they don't even know what to do.
00:10:22.460 They're just standing there just eating guacamole.
00:10:24.480 They have no idea.
00:10:25.800 You ask them anything, they kind of go, they get scared, like there's like a vampire seeing sunlight, you know.
00:10:33.480 They're just some, I mean, there's just some, I don't know what's going on in the world.
00:10:39.000 Yeah, I guess the, they say the workforce, something is going on.
00:10:43.540 There's not a lot of workforce.
00:10:46.480 Let me look that up so I'm not just, is there a workforce shortage?
00:10:54.260 There we go.
00:10:54.840 In 2021, more than 47 million workers quit their jobs.
00:11:04.300 Many of whom were in search of improved work-life balance and flexibility, increased compensation and a strong company culture.
00:11:12.620 Huh.
00:11:14.080 Yeah, and I don't know how factual this is.
00:11:16.300 You know, this could be, this is U.S. Chamber of Commerce.
00:11:19.040 So who, we have no idea if it's legitimate or not, but I do notice you go play.
00:11:25.260 Bro, I, I walked into a store the other day and the guy, it was like a little grocery store.
00:11:31.040 And the guy asked me to work for like 30 minutes.
00:11:35.480 He's like, do you, can you just help out for like 30 minutes?
00:11:37.260 I'm like, dude, I'm just trying to get some limes, bro.
00:11:40.880 I'm just here for, I needed two limes.
00:11:43.800 And, uh, I'm like, bro, I just trying to get some limes.
00:11:47.060 I mean, I used to work checkout, you know, I used to do, I mean, I know bananas code is 4011, but, um, but I'm here for lunch.
00:11:57.640 I'm not here to work, you know, like that's how strange it's getting that they're just, if you're even in a place, they're asking you to work.
00:12:06.820 It feels like, which is exciting.
00:12:10.940 I mean, at least it's great.
00:12:12.020 And I, and, you know, I guess I'm lucky that I don't have to take that, that, you know, 30 minutes.
00:12:16.920 I don't need that employment at that half hour mark. 0.93
00:12:19.700 But, um, but damn, it's just, it feels like the wild, I don't know if it feels like the wild west. 0.92
00:12:30.020 Ah. 0.96
00:12:30.460 And then where is everybody?
00:12:35.480 That's another thing.
00:12:37.380 You're like, if nobody's working, where is, what's going on?
00:12:44.580 I don't know.
00:12:45.360 And then you start thinking, are people bots?
00:12:48.900 Are you running into bots?
00:12:52.980 You know, I watch people when they get in their car a lot of times if they're leaving me, because that's when I figure a bot would have the toughest time.
00:13:02.600 Because there's a lot of little intricacies when you get into a vehicle.
00:13:06.140 And I don't think a bot could do that real easily.
00:13:11.360 You know, you could easily see a bot like, oh, I like the sunglasses, you know.
00:13:17.100 But if you're running into like a bot human, I think if you watch them get in their car, they would have to really do it good. 0.96
00:13:25.360 I'm happy.
00:13:26.480 I'm, it's Tuesday, you know.
00:13:29.900 So I don't know.
00:13:30.940 It's just getting, everything feels strange out there.
00:13:33.220 And it feels kind of lawless.
00:13:37.360 You know, it feels lawless.
00:13:38.940 It feels like the, you know, people are just running red lights. 0.98
00:13:42.980 It doesn't, you know, it's like, fucking I'm running red lights. 0.95
00:13:47.640 I mean, I'm running stops. 0.94
00:13:48.740 It's just like people are doing what they want.
00:13:51.480 That's what it feels like.
00:13:52.600 It feels like people are just doing what they want.
00:13:58.900 And I don't know.
00:13:59.820 Maybe that's just, and it could just be my area, you know.
00:14:07.600 But we have like the police live in fear.
00:14:09.840 They're afraid it feels like to do their jobs.
00:14:13.820 I don't know.
00:14:14.740 A lot of fear out there.
00:14:16.420 A lot of fear out there.
00:14:17.440 And I'm sure you know that.
00:14:20.220 I'm not trying to be a downer.
00:14:21.940 Just kind of saying, I guess, what's been happening.
00:14:26.340 Or just things I've been thinking about.
00:14:28.940 What else, dude?
00:14:29.900 I went to the, I went with David Spade over to the Oscars after parties.
00:14:36.760 And that was interesting. 1.00
00:14:39.000 You know, and fuck Oscars, man. 1.00
00:14:40.820 You know, I don't like all of that shit. 1.00
00:14:43.240 You know, I don't like Hollywood or much of it. 0.99
00:14:47.780 And, but getting to go with him and stuff like that was real interesting.
00:14:54.900 And I was over at his house.
00:14:56.940 We watched the Oscars at David's home.
00:15:00.940 And they had the, you know, the Chris Rock got hit.
00:15:05.400 And I was thinking about that.
00:15:09.700 And I think there was, so many people have talked about it, right?
00:15:14.880 And that's, that is what it is.
00:15:17.820 But I think there was like a, there was like a moment where part of the anger was that here you have somebody who's just saying something, right?
00:15:30.200 Chris Rock.
00:15:31.320 Now I get he's jabbing at the guy's wife.
00:15:33.520 I get that.
00:15:34.160 Um, but also he's a comedian.
00:15:39.020 He should be able to do that.
00:15:40.900 Or he should be able to take his risks.
00:15:43.240 And I felt like it was a calculated risk.
00:15:45.720 It felt super safe.
00:15:48.480 Um, but there was something about how you saw a guy walk up because he didn't like what somebody else said.
00:15:59.120 Or for whatever reason.
00:16:00.560 It's hard to really know the reason that Will Smith had in his head.
00:16:05.100 People said all kind of stuff.
00:16:06.800 He was gay and out or he was gayed out. 0.97
00:16:08.960 People said his wife was, you know, they have a, um, you know, they do a foster cocking or whatever. 1.00
00:16:20.400 Or when people would can make love to your wife, you know, foster cocks. 1.00
00:16:24.400 I don't know what it is. 0.98
00:16:25.800 They do foster cocks. 0.99
00:16:27.980 Uh, or cock fostering. 1.00
00:16:29.760 I don't know what it is.
00:16:30.860 I don't, uh, I'm not, I'm not going to look it up either because I have a blocker on my computer.
00:16:35.240 But, um, yeah, so they said, uh, so anyway, but there was a guy who said something and then you saw somebody, a rich guy, another rich guy, come and hit him and then get an award for it.
00:16:53.140 And it just kind of felt like this is what it, this was the, this is where I ended up really feeling the most anger at the end of it all. 0.99
00:17:00.780 It was, it was just really towards Hollywood, towards the Oscars, towards the whole fucking machine of all that shit. 0.99
00:17:10.440 It was like, Hey, we, if somebody can hit somebody else, they can do whatever they want. 1.00
00:17:18.360 They could say this man can speak or not speak.
00:17:21.360 So, and we'll, we'll give that guy an award.
00:17:26.300 And then this is the craziest part. 0.99
00:17:29.260 All of Hollywood will stand there and applaud the guy as if the, the, the fucked up thing he did didn't even happen. 0.96
00:17:44.460 And it was kind of like a microcosm, I think, of everything that's been going on, you know? 0.71
00:17:50.300 Um, so many people feel like their reality is neglected by Hollywood that, uh, since Hollywood owns a lot of the media and, and mainstream media that they just, uh, they just, that they're so powerful that if they want to act like something didn't happen, they can just brush right over it.
00:18:14.800 Which they do all the time, pick and choose what they think, um, or when they think something is important or what they think is important.
00:18:26.480 Uh, so I think there was a lot of that in there for me.
00:18:30.920 And I hope Chris Rock sues the Oscars.
00:18:34.280 I would sue the Oscars. 1.00
00:18:35.460 I would sue everybody in that bitch. 1.00
00:18:38.300 You know, um, that's what I would do. 1.00
00:18:43.460 Cause yeah, they just, that, that's what it was for me.
00:18:46.100 It was like, here's this powerful machine saying once again, uh, oh, we determine how.
00:18:53.780 If the way you see things is real or not almost, or we think we determine it because we all saw somebody hit somebody and then get an award, then give an insane speech and get a standing ovation.
00:19:15.320 It was like, it was like, they were trying to make us believe that it didn't happen in a way, which goes along with the whole pandemic thing.
00:19:26.980 There's that, all of that ties in there like, oh, you're going to make me, you're really trying to bend me out of the fact that reality is happening.
00:19:37.840 So anyway, that's kind of where some of that landed for me and maybe that's obtuse kind of in, but maybe it's not, dude.
00:19:49.180 I'm just here for limes.
00:19:50.840 Okay.
00:19:51.560 I'm just, I walked in here for two limes and now I'm an assistant manager.
00:19:56.720 That's what's going on.
00:19:59.080 Um, what else, what else is happening? 0.98
00:20:02.180 And I know that Chris Rock shit is old news and, uh, and it was wild because Spade took me to like a fancy party. 0.98
00:20:10.320 You know, he took me to a fancy party, dude. 1.00
00:20:12.700 Everybody was in that bitch. 1.00
00:20:15.300 Kardashians fucking, uh, um, Kevin Bacon's was in there. 1.00
00:20:22.140 Everybody was in that. 0.99
00:20:24.020 Leonardo, uh, DiCaprio and Da Vinci.
00:20:29.420 Both of them were, I mean, they had seance in one room. 0.99
00:20:32.320 They had damn spirits coming out of the back. 1.00
00:20:34.260 Christopher Columbus was in that bitch. 1.00
00:20:37.320 Everybody was in there. 0.99
00:20:39.860 Um, Kobe, I think Kobe showed up for a half hour.
00:20:43.080 It was, uh, they were, that's how fancy it was.
00:20:48.160 They were recollecting people and they were showing up. 0.99
00:20:52.560 You know, Ed Asner was in that bitch. 1.00
00:20:55.060 Who else? 0.99
00:20:55.620 Um, I don't even know anybody else.
00:20:59.140 Fam, I think I saw Jesus over there by the, uh, getting some watermelon punch.
00:21:04.400 I mean, it was, they had everybody in there, you know, or a lot of fancy names.
00:21:09.180 That's who they had in there.
00:21:10.700 Um, but that was just fun.
00:21:13.400 Kind of just to see how the other half lives, you know? 1.00
00:21:15.980 Uh, I mean, Hollywood really scares me and, and it has for a while just because they, you
00:21:23.600 know, once you work for people, you're not allowed to have a lot of your own thoughts.
00:21:28.040 Um, and I, and, and I think we all fear, there's a lot of fear out there for that kind of stuff
00:21:35.060 is, am I allowed to really express what I really feel or really am thinking?
00:21:43.600 Um, when these powerful companies and machines, they just, they'll try to manipulate stuff or
00:21:52.280 just gloss over things that seem very real, um, just to have things the way that they believe
00:22:00.380 they should be.
00:22:02.020 Uh, anyway, I'm kind of rambling, man.
00:22:06.240 Um, what else?
00:22:07.960 I went out to interview Sugar Sean out there in, he's a UFC guy, fighter guy.
00:22:14.480 Uh, and, uh, did that out in Phoenix and he's a real villain of the UFC kind of in a weird
00:22:21.200 way.
00:22:23.160 You know, he have that villainous side.
00:22:25.000 He's the, he's like this, I don't want to say he's like a carnival snake kind of, he's
00:22:32.860 not a, no, he just like, cause he's so fast.
00:22:36.980 He's like, uh, I don't know.
00:22:41.920 I can't tell if he's sometimes, if he's trolling things or if he's just being himself, you know,
00:22:46.880 and he's just, he's very open, you know, he's in an open relationship.
00:22:51.420 He's very open about exactly what he thinks and feels.
00:22:55.600 Um, he's a pretty fascinating guy to be around and, and, uh, so I was grateful to get to go
00:23:03.900 over there and hang out with him and just spend some time with him.
00:23:06.660 Um, what else is going on?
00:23:10.160 Um, uh, what's going on with me?
00:23:14.840 Um, you know, I've been honestly feeling like a lot of fear recently in my own life.
00:23:21.500 Uh, just uncertainty.
00:23:25.100 You know, I've been having such a tough time making decisions, uh, even just the smallest
00:23:29.760 ones.
00:23:30.840 It's like, man, I'll just, I'm just so afraid something inside of me.
00:23:35.840 So afraid to decide.
00:23:39.600 And I don't know if it's, I'm afraid that I'll make the wrong choice.
00:23:47.500 Um, as much as it is, maybe there's just part of me that's just afraid to commit.
00:23:55.220 I don't know.
00:24:01.860 I'm just kind of thinking about that.
00:24:04.620 If it's one or the other, you know, am I afraid to commit or am I just afraid to decide?
00:24:10.220 If I'm afraid of making the wrong choice or am I afraid of committing?
00:24:20.240 It's interesting how those, cause those two things are really big and different, but both
00:24:24.720 of those are parts of making a decision.
00:24:29.500 Um, so I've been struggling with that a lot.
00:24:33.600 Um, you know, I've been feeling kind of a little bit unsafe and uncertain in the world.
00:24:40.920 And so maybe that also adds to the fact of, uh, of me feeling like the world is all over
00:24:50.640 the place.
00:24:52.360 Um, and some of that, I think, you know, I'm still off my, I'm still not taking antidepressants.
00:24:58.620 So I'm still trying to, uh, to stay off of them and now, and I'm going to, I guess, just
00:25:06.280 keep seeing how that can work or not.
00:25:08.380 Um, you know, I'm in contact with doctors and, and that sort of thing and therapy and
00:25:14.620 doing therapy, but I'm just, you know, I'm trying to be brave in that instance.
00:25:19.640 Cause I don't want, I just, I really don't want to go back on them.
00:25:23.240 Um, you know, I finally got this lid of these medicine lid, this medicine hat off of my
00:25:30.840 head.
00:25:31.320 And so, so much more feelings and thoughts could come out.
00:25:35.820 And I think part of me has really been enjoying getting some of that out of my system.
00:25:44.500 Um, you know, just getting whatever that turmoil is, that dirty bubble that it's like a sick 0.99
00:25:54.740 chowder that's just been sitting on a, in a damn, um, crock pot. 0.99
00:26:02.000 And y'all just want to empty that shit out because it affects how my cafeteria smells. 0.99
00:26:09.060 You know what I'm saying? 0.99
00:26:09.720 It affects how the rest, cause it, if you know, if I can get that net, the gunk out
00:26:15.520 of the engines, if I can get the, uh, the nastiness, if I can get whatever stuck in that
00:26:23.580 S drain or whatever it's called or P curve or whatever, and shout out to all my plumbers
00:26:28.820 out there, but if I can get the S trap or whatever it is, then I can, I can feel like 1.00
00:26:37.200 I'll have a smoother flow inside of me.
00:26:39.600 Um, and that's been that whole journey with the ayahuasca and the standoff antidepressants
00:26:44.720 and, uh, we'll talk about more of it.
00:26:49.300 I want to tell you also though, right now we got to pay the bills.
00:26:53.740 I want to say that, uh, everybody have different fitness goals.
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00:27:08.920 Some of y'all may be really struggling.
00:27:10.620 Your fitness goal may be to, uh, to stay, you know, to be able to stand up and talk to
00:27:15.820 somebody or to go bird watching or to, uh, play hoops again.
00:27:22.060 Maybe you've fallen on an illness or have, um, what's it called?
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00:30:15.660 All right.
00:30:20.100 What else is happening?
00:30:22.800 What's happening with you guys?
00:30:25.240 What's happening with you?
00:30:28.480 You know, it's funny.
00:30:29.460 Sometimes I sit and I think about you, actually.
00:30:34.080 I think about you listening to this and who you are.
00:30:45.660 I just want you to know that.
00:30:51.640 I think about that sometimes.
00:30:52.840 I think, well, I'm saying stuff and it's leaving out of here
00:30:57.080 and it's going into someone's ears, into someone's time.
00:31:02.380 And that's important to me.
00:31:04.400 You know?
00:31:09.860 Yeah.
00:31:10.740 I want to just say thank you.
00:31:13.280 And I'll try to do a better job or as good of a job as I can to value in the fact that you spend your time.
00:31:28.200 You, you know, you let me up in them ear holes. 0.95
00:31:32.820 You know what I'm saying, player?
00:31:34.060 You know what I'm saying?
00:31:34.880 Nah, my dog.
00:31:35.940 But, you know what I'm saying? 0.99
00:31:37.480 I'm in both those bitches right now, baby. 1.00
00:31:40.040 We got a gangbang going on your brain, son, right now. 1.00
00:31:44.860 Woo-woo. 1.00
00:31:45.920 Somebody better put a condom on these words, baby, because we fucking getting in there on both sides of it. 1.00
00:31:53.520 No, I just want to say thank you that that means something to me, you know, that I think about you. 0.99
00:31:58.920 You know, I want to – we had – actually, we had a call come in.
00:32:02.080 You know, we had this call come in, which I thought was nice.
00:32:06.700 Let's hear this here.
00:32:10.400 Thank you.
00:32:11.240 My name is Melissa, and I live in Utah.
00:32:15.260 I was just listening –
00:32:16.560 Hey, Melissa.
00:32:18.200 And that's Melissa from Utah right there. 0.98
00:32:20.660 And good to hear from you.
00:32:22.200 You sound like a woman.
00:32:23.340 You sound good.
00:32:24.100 I was just listening to your Brotherly Love podcast, and you were talking about autism.
00:32:30.360 And I have a 15-year-old son that has autism, kind of nonverbal.
00:32:36.520 But when he was diagnosed about 14 years ago, what you were talking about is what kind of pulled me through his diagnosis.
00:32:45.300 It was like I came to this conclusion that he had skills that were needed for the future.
00:32:53.660 Our technology has gone so far, so fast, and his brain was so fast.
00:32:59.900 Oh, yeah.
00:33:01.020 You got that computer baby, darling, you know.
00:33:04.580 You got that little digital toddler, baby, or adult toddler now, onward.
00:33:09.940 And intelligence.
00:33:11.180 And I was like, you know, these are the kids that our future is going to need to carry us through.
00:33:19.780 And so I just want to thank you for that.
00:33:23.880 It was amazing.
00:33:25.180 Thank you so much for confirming that, like, what I thought 15 years ago, some other people are kind of thinking now.
00:33:33.900 Oh, you're welcome.
00:33:35.880 Yeah, I don't know why.
00:33:37.240 I just, yeah, I'm glad that you have your son.
00:33:44.080 And I'm glad that you obviously have a commitment to raising him and to being a part of his life
00:33:52.960 and to finding ways to see him that make y'all's relationship as important and as valuable as it can be to you.
00:34:09.100 Yeah, I think it's, I think literally in the, you know, in 100 years, it's going to be 11 people with autism battling a computer
00:34:23.740 to see if humanity carries on.
00:34:28.620 I could easily see that.
00:34:32.520 And it's all, yeah.
00:34:34.500 And an Amazon van shows up and drops off the weapon, whatever weapons they're going to use.
00:34:41.260 And, um, and that'd be it.
00:34:45.320 You know, a referee, will there even be a referee?
00:34:47.780 There probably will.
00:34:48.400 Probably somebody from New York, Hoboken or something, you know, some guy or from, you know, you know, uh, some, you know, some, um, maybe a boat captain or somebody like that.
00:35:04.200 Somebody who's a little gruff, you know, who's going to call it like it is, you know, who's just gonna, you know, who's going to take some smoke breaks though. 0.92
00:35:12.040 Also, you're going to need that ref that's not afraid to fucking sit out there and puff it out. 0.87
00:35:16.880 Um, but thank you. 0.97
00:35:18.440 Thank you for calling in and, and, uh, and thank you for being a mother.
00:35:23.620 We need them out there.
00:35:26.180 Um, what else?
00:35:27.860 You guys had some calls about things that are going on in my life as well.
00:35:31.360 Uh, here's one that came in as always.
00:35:34.020 The hotline is nine, eight, five, six, six, four, nine, five, zero, three.
00:35:39.000 I feel a lot of anxiety right now about what to communicate with you guys.
00:35:46.500 Um, cause it's, you know, there's been a lot kind of just in my head and in my heart.
00:35:53.300 And so it's tough to know how to get it out and do it in an organized fashion.
00:35:58.280 Um, all right, let's take this call.
00:36:02.820 What's up, Gavin from Reader.
00:36:04.620 Um, New Mexico.
00:36:06.640 What's up, Gavin?
00:36:08.360 And good to see you, man, from Rio Rerto. 0.97
00:36:11.160 And I never heard of that spot, baby, but I'm glad y'all are, uh, shit, I don't know where that is, baby. 0.97
00:36:17.020 Onward. 0.98
00:36:18.140 So that is, uh, I had a question about doing, uh, the ayahuasca.
00:36:21.540 I've done a DMT and is there anything close to it?
00:36:24.280 You know, DMT only lasts a couple of minutes and you freaking fly through crazy tunnels and meet different people.
00:36:29.980 You know, like, there's always a guy with a backwards hat in mind and, I don't know, it's weird.
00:36:34.100 It's been a handful of times.
00:36:35.400 Um, it's, uh, it's pretty delightful.
00:36:37.980 You come out of it, you just want to hug people and feel so good.
00:36:40.700 You feel like, you know, there's actually an afterlife, like, going through that.
00:36:44.820 I just wanted to know the similarities with it because it's kind of the same thing.
00:36:47.900 Um, thank you for the question there.
00:36:51.080 I appreciate it.
00:36:52.280 And, um, you know, my experience DMT was very much like somebody. 0.82
00:37:01.140 Kicked you, like beat you in the head with a, uh, Dave and Busters.
00:37:06.600 That's what it's like. 0.99
00:37:08.220 It was like two angry gay dudes attacked you at a, at a, at a Dave and Busters. 0.95
00:37:13.640 Because you're seeing all these crazy shapes, there's a lot of rainbows, there's some bears, 0.97
00:37:20.560 there's some stuff that look like a orifice or whatever.
00:37:24.200 Um, it has a very kind of a, uh, booty carnival type of dirty, uh, magnificent, um, colorful.
00:37:35.100 It's like somebody, it's like God hit you with a mirror, but he hit you hard and he hit you fast.
00:37:45.700 And the cops showed up and all that, you know, and the cops are from heaven and hell and it all happened in a matter of minutes.
00:37:53.260 That to me was DMT.
00:37:55.540 A lot of that. 0.99
00:37:56.460 And you end up fucking sitting there talking to like an oyster or something. 0.99
00:38:01.760 Just some shit that you're like, I don't know what this is, you know. 0.99
00:38:04.820 And they got a koala over there. 1.00
00:38:06.940 And he's puffing Winston's, bro.
00:38:08.880 He's doing his best.
00:38:10.720 You know, and he's out of work probably.
00:38:13.620 You know, I'm sure Chipotle's trying to hire him. 0.98
00:38:16.660 To work next to that vamp kid who can't handle the freaking. 1.00
00:38:20.580 You ask him one question, he's like, oh, I don't know. 0.99
00:38:23.900 I don't know.
00:38:24.800 I need to sleep.
00:38:26.460 Um, that was DMT for me, man.
00:38:30.120 DMT was like, uh, somebody took a pinball machine and buried you in it.
00:38:37.280 They opened the glass up and put you in there and the game is still going on.
00:38:41.740 There's still somebody hitting the paddles.
00:38:43.760 The balls are scooting around and it's multi-ball.
00:38:46.640 Somebody accessed a multi-ball.
00:38:48.140 So they're all, and then you're just laying and they put the glass back on.
00:38:52.360 And you're laying in there.
00:38:54.900 Face down.
00:38:56.460 That, to me, is DMT.
00:38:58.640 That's what DMT was like.
00:39:00.740 It's a couple minutes.
00:39:01.900 You come out of it.
00:39:02.680 You're in Maui.
00:39:03.820 The guy who's doing it with you, you met at a smoothie stand.
00:39:07.280 You know, he's a good guy.
00:39:08.760 He gave you some magnesium.
00:39:10.820 You know, it's, uh, it is what it is.
00:39:12.920 Ayahuasca is, ayahuasca is like a key, I think.
00:39:25.080 It's like an invitation.
00:39:26.620 You take it, you sit there, you're meditating.
00:39:39.560 There's no party about it.
00:39:41.140 There's nothing like a, we're going to do this in a back room at a party.
00:39:44.640 That's not, now you can still do it in a back room, but it's more of a experience.
00:39:51.840 It's, and it's a longer experience.
00:39:55.280 And it's really, you start to learn about yourself.
00:40:04.160 You learn some truths about yourself.
00:40:07.920 You know, I was sitting there, and I mean, people are like, did you go to Peru?
00:40:12.220 Did you go to, you know, Myanmar or whatever? 0.99
00:40:16.140 Like, dude, I did that shit right off the 101, bruh. 0.99
00:40:19.060 You know, I did that, I was, I was probably 180 yards from a Popeye's chicken, you know, 0.99
00:40:27.380 in a DSW's shoes, dude.
00:40:28.920 I could see, there were moments in some of my visions and stuff that somebody, you know, 0.99
00:40:33.800 you know, walked by with a damn pair of Birkenstocks on. 0.97
00:40:36.360 So, I was, you know, I wasn't out in the abyss, but the environment I was in was really nice. 0.99
00:40:43.260 In the sense that it was, it had a great shaman and great people doing it.
00:40:49.560 And I'm sitting in there, and you take the medicine, you take the medicines, and
00:40:53.500 it's almost like your heart starts to dream or think.
00:41:00.660 And it's really wild, because you start to get thoughts that come out of your, it's almost
00:41:10.640 like they come out of the time that's trapped inside of you.
00:41:19.600 It's like your heart gets a brain.
00:41:21.580 You know, I remember sitting there, and you just start to go, it's like, it's like a best
00:41:36.980 friend shows up, and starts to share stuff with you that you're willing to hear, because
00:41:42.840 you, usually because you've been suffering with something, you know.
00:41:49.480 Oh, and so it starts to kind of unearth some of that.
00:41:55.000 And you go through the different experiences, and you're like, man, that was a lot.
00:41:59.380 You know, I learned a lot of stuff about myself.
00:42:01.840 It's like therapy, but you don't have to do a lot of the heavy lifting.
00:42:07.180 I mean, it's like the goddess, you know, the, like God brings the wood right up to you,
00:42:14.060 you know, the firewood, you don't have to go out and chop.
00:42:17.260 You just open the door, and it's all firewood.
00:42:19.320 You can't even see the world.
00:42:20.580 It's just, all your firewood is right there.
00:42:24.680 And God has chopped it for you.
00:42:27.960 And so you could, so at that point, it's really an invitation.
00:42:30.580 It's like, how much do you want to know?
00:42:34.320 That's what it feels like to me.
00:42:36.660 How much do you want to know?
00:42:38.080 My last experience, man, I went and, you know, I'd really been struggling with a lot of stuff about my mother
00:42:46.800 and my relationship with my mother
00:42:49.220 and my inability to have a connection with my mother, a deep connection.
00:42:55.860 You know, I'd always wanted it.
00:42:57.320 And so I'm sitting there under the ayahuasca, and I've always struggled in relationships, commitment.
00:43:07.100 I've really always struggled.
00:43:08.520 And while I'm under this ayahuasca, while I'm in the experience of the medication,
00:43:16.300 I realize that the reason I have trouble getting into a relationship or being committed,
00:43:22.980 well, there's two reasons.
00:43:24.020 One is that part of me is still waiting for this relationship with my mother to really come through.
00:43:36.680 There's part of me that's still like this young kid that's still just standing there waiting for his mother
00:43:42.640 to really connect with him.
00:43:46.080 And so it's really hard for me to make another commitment to another woman.
00:43:55.200 It's really hard for me.
00:43:58.920 And I didn't know it was because there's a part of me that's still just literally standing there waiting.
00:44:05.640 And that sounds kind of crazy, but when you're under the medication, it makes a lot of sense
00:44:11.520 because it really activates the inner child in you.
00:44:18.280 And you really get to see what the very young you, the formative you, what he or she went through.
00:44:29.780 And you see why they went through it and how it affected them and then how that affects you now.
00:44:38.200 It's almost like as an adult, you're a plant.
00:44:41.520 But on ayahuasca, you get to go back to the seed.
00:44:47.540 And you get to look in the seed.
00:44:51.560 And the seed gets to communicate.
00:44:53.580 The seed communicates with you.
00:44:56.080 The you, the early you, the formative you.
00:45:01.300 But so it's a lot different in that sense.
00:45:03.480 You really get to sit there and be with a lot of the things that have made you uncomfortable.
00:45:10.500 But now you're able to see, okay, this is why I behave this way as an adult, because this happened when I was young.
00:45:18.720 And you always can kind of, in therapy, sometimes you'll talk about those things,
00:45:22.840 but to really have a real connection between them and to really feel that connection is pretty powerful.
00:45:28.680 And also, it's a, it's a, it's an invitation in a way, because ayahuasca is an invitation,
00:45:39.280 because it's really how much of that stuff do you want to learn and go into?
00:45:45.180 Because it feels like there's a lot of it.
00:45:48.140 My second experience, I sat there for probably, oh, I can't even tell you.
00:45:53.040 I mean, just tons of time, I mean, just, I mean, I was just grieving, just crying.
00:45:59.120 I was grieving like, you know, when I was 12 or 10, my brother, he got to go live with my grandparents.
00:46:07.240 And that sounds like a small thing, but that broke my heart.
00:46:12.800 It broke my heart as a kid, that my mother let him go.
00:46:20.380 It broke, I mean, it really, because he was the closest thing that I felt to love, you know,
00:46:26.300 or to a real friend or something.
00:46:30.380 And he was my mother, and she let him go.
00:46:36.480 Just do what he wanted, like he was an adult. 1.00
00:46:38.400 It just was, and that shit broke my heart, man. 0.99
00:46:40.980 So, but there's a lot of things inside of you that you've been resilient through. 0.99
00:46:47.740 But you're able to go and look at those things and let,
00:46:51.060 kind of let the air out of some of those balloons, you know.
00:46:54.380 It's like your soul gets to fart, kind of.
00:46:58.440 You know, you're able to go and unpack a lot of these things that really,
00:47:01.920 could have really, and probably had a big effect on your life and how you behave now.
00:47:06.220 So, anyway, it's tough because it's hard for me to go into some of that.
00:47:14.420 You know, a lot of it's real painful.
00:47:16.400 I went and spoke with my mom after the holidays about,
00:47:21.360 you know, about some, about a lot of the feelings I was having.
00:47:28.860 And I, you know, and about how much I felt neglected, really.
00:47:34.700 And, and it was hard, man.
00:47:38.140 I'm glad I was able to give myself a voice, but it was, it was, it was tough.
00:47:43.320 Because it was also a long time ago, you know.
00:47:46.200 And, and so you don't want to damage the person you're talking to or upset, you know.
00:47:51.960 You don't, but you do want to share what's going on and what you're feeling and learning.
00:48:00.120 So that's ayahuasca, man.
00:48:01.660 If you want ayahuasca, you're going to go down a real, or you could go down, you know, a real rabbit hole.
00:48:12.540 A real invitation to say, okay, how much?
00:48:15.820 Because you can keep going and doing it.
00:48:18.160 And that's where I'm at now.
00:48:19.320 I don't know if I want to go back sometimes right now.
00:48:25.940 I mean, the, the, the, the last time I went, man, it was, it was cathartic.
00:48:32.020 But it was damn painful, man. 0.69
00:48:34.940 It was painful. 0.99
00:48:36.180 It was cathartic in the way you sit there and, you know, you, you cry for the things that, you get those tears, all the shit that's in, you get it out. 0.98
00:48:47.320 You get it out. 0.99
00:48:49.360 You cook it right up out of your system.
00:48:52.820 Um, but it's a lot of work.
00:48:55.540 I mean, it is, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
00:48:58.420 It's like, uh, uh, you know, I would imagine it's like bootcamp or something, but for your, for your heart and for your soul and stuff.
00:49:12.040 So, um, I don't know if that does a good job of explaining it, but that's some of the differences I noticed between them.
00:49:19.340 One of them is a real, one of them is like going to a carnival and the other one is like going to, it's like going into an ocean. 0.99
00:49:39.900 Um, so that's my thoughts on the difference between, I think DMT and ayahuasca is ayahuasca can really, it can really, I mean, DMT shows you that, you know, DMT is like kind of like a firework kind of, but ayahuasca is a damn fucking Jesus. 0.99
00:50:04.400 It's a fire. 0.99
00:50:08.400 It's a fire, man.
00:50:10.240 Um, what else do we have that came in?
00:50:13.720 You know, you can always hit the hotline 985-664-9503.
00:50:19.060 Um, you know, I want to unpack a little bit more of the relationship between myself and my mother and that sort of thing.
00:50:25.460 I just don't know if I'm, if I'm in a space to share some of that.
00:50:32.180 Uh, and how, you know, I just, I want to be, make sure that I'm well about it before I kind of share it sometimes to be fair to myself.
00:50:42.480 Um, what else we got in here?
00:50:45.540 Uh, oh, I was talking about a wife hunt and that wife hunt baby. 0.97
00:50:50.660 Yeah.
00:50:50.800 You know, I would like to have a family.
00:50:52.280 I would like to have a wife and get me a wife, you know, and nothing illegal or nothing. 0.91
00:50:59.580 I ain't them, you know, I ain't kidnapping nobody or nothing like that, but I would like to have me a real wife.
00:51:07.240 Um, so I got to start thinking about that.
00:51:11.800 Um, and now you could, I wouldn't kidnap a woman ever, but you could, if you wanted to, you know, set a butterscotch out there on the concrete or something on the sidewalk. 0.98
00:51:22.360 And as she come by and get it, a lady get it and she's eating that bitch and you still, you hit, you know, you go over there and, you know, maybe give her a little massage or something. 1.00
00:51:33.160 If she's okay with it, you massage her scalp or something, you know, get that vibe going. 0.99
00:51:38.740 Cause that scalp, baby, you massage a woman's head, baby. 1.00
00:51:41.900 That's the, that's really the, that's the, the, that's the major tit is a woman's scalp, bro. 1.00
00:51:49.200 The right, the, the front tits, them bitches are just, those are fucking, um, those are just some red herrings, baby. 1.00
00:51:58.200 Those aren't the real deal. 1.00
00:51:59.680 That master tit is you feeling a woman's scalp, bro. 0.99
00:52:02.200 That's one thing you learn. 0.99
00:52:03.460 You start massaging or scratching a woman's head a little. 1.00
00:52:06.540 Damn, baby. 1.00
00:52:07.240 Baby, that's that master tit, son. 1.00
00:52:10.820 That thing is the real leader.
00:52:13.840 Them other things, they're just courts. 0.94
00:52:16.760 But the real leader, dog, is that head.
00:52:19.280 That's that master tit. 0.96
00:52:20.400 That thing's got a lot of feeling in it.
00:52:23.560 But them front, them little front bunnies, baby, them little sippers, those little A cup hitters or whatever, or D cups, whatever they have. 0.99
00:52:30.940 Those things are fucking, that's just, that's tricking you. 1.00
00:52:35.060 The master tit is that head. 1.00
00:52:37.240 Praise God.
00:52:38.840 All right.
00:52:39.340 I want to let you know that, uh, it can be hard sometimes to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
00:52:46.460 It really can.
00:52:47.360 You know that, especially if you're in a tunnel.
00:52:50.600 Jesus.
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00:55:15.800 But, yeah, Annie, let me hear.
00:55:19.200 Here's a call.
00:55:22.240 Hi, Theo.
00:55:24.120 I wanted to ask, just, I guess, out of curiosity.
00:55:26.960 You've been open recently about wanting to settle down and wanting something more serious.
00:55:35.460 So, I was just wondering if you had any deal breakers.
00:55:39.720 Like, if you had any, like, for example, do you have, like, a restriction on an age gap?
00:55:46.420 Like, if somebody, let's say, was around 25 years old and was interested in going out with you or something like that, do you have, like, an immediate, like, red flag, like, a restriction, like, with age gaps or anything like that?
00:56:04.200 Like, would you not go out with somebody with more of an age gap, like, greater than 10 years or something?
00:56:12.640 Okay, I see what you're saying.
00:56:14.700 Ramifications.
00:56:15.640 That's what you're saying.
00:56:17.220 You know, I made a list a while back.
00:56:18.980 I met a lady on a plane, and she said, make a list of what you want in a wife, in a straight woman. 1.00
00:56:29.820 And, man, I wish I had it on me today.
00:56:32.760 I don't have it with me.
00:56:33.680 I'll bring it in next time.
00:56:37.020 But, yeah, I don't know.
00:56:37.780 Do I have an age gap?
00:56:38.780 I would probably say, you know, you want to be age appropriate.
00:56:41.040 So, probably 25 and up, I think.
00:56:46.360 You know, I mean, look, my dad, my dad was 38 years older than my mother. 0.96
00:56:52.360 So, damn, I could see a toddler right now and be like, hey, I'm just trying to gauge their personality. 0.97
00:57:01.680 You know, but so I want to be age appropriate, I think, or whatever. 0.99
00:57:08.120 I don't know.
00:57:08.520 You don't know what love is, but sometimes you do.
00:57:12.380 So, I'd say probably over 25 for sure.
00:57:18.020 What else?
00:57:20.900 Hair.
00:57:26.540 Smart.
00:57:30.940 Loving, I would say.
00:57:32.220 Somebody that likes to, you know, hug and be loving.
00:57:38.380 Somebody that's going to be a good mother. 1.00
00:57:43.820 That really is key.
00:57:45.120 I want my children to have a good mother.
00:57:47.700 Even if, you know, I would hope that things will work out between me and my wife, but I want my children to have the best mother that they can.
00:58:02.080 Yeah, that is really important to me.
00:58:04.160 So, it's funny. 0.99
00:58:06.800 Sometimes I notice when I'm looking for a wife, this shit got me a little bent up. 0.99
00:58:11.400 When I'm looking for a wife, or when I'm looking for a, you know, looking for attraction or something. 0.99
00:58:19.120 I'm not out there, like, you know, sharpening a sword that says wife on it and shit like that. 0.86
00:58:23.600 But, you know, when I am thinking about dating or looking at women or spending my time, I, my main thought really is, is this woman going to be a good mother? 0.96
00:58:38.060 I think, I mean, I have, I have obviously other, some attraction things, you know.
00:58:44.740 I would like both eyes.
00:58:46.240 I don't care that much, but I would love it.
00:58:48.200 I would like a woman who likes to stay, you know, stay busy, get some sweat going. 1.00
00:58:58.200 Those things are just good for life, you know. 0.98
00:59:02.580 And a woman who's understanding, because fucking, you know me, boy, if you listen to this podcast, you know I need a lot of understanding. 0.97
00:59:08.920 So those are a couple of things. 0.98
00:59:10.200 I'll bring my list in, and, but those are a couple of things that I think about.
00:59:18.180 You know, I look in a woman's eyes a lot of times, and you can see, and when I look at their eyes, I think if I was a child, would I like looking at that woman's eyes?
00:59:27.580 And that, I know that my wife will have that.
00:59:36.620 It may sound crazy to some people, but the childhood I had didn't have that comfort in it.
00:59:42.360 I didn't have that comfort when I, you know, from my mother, from her look.
00:59:47.720 And so I want my child to have that.
00:59:50.960 And so that's one thing that I kind of look for, I think.
00:59:53.880 So, yeah, somebody with no eyes, probably, or that, you know, doesn't have, like, a warmth in them, probably may not be the best fit for me.
01:00:07.280 You know, that's something that I need, or something I would like.
01:00:11.280 We'll see what God wants, you know, but that's something that I would like.
01:00:18.340 What else?
01:00:19.960 Oh, we had another call here that came in.
01:00:23.120 I know this episode's all over the place, but the truth is I've been all over the place.
01:00:29.940 You know, I'm still really working to try and feel better, to feel well.
01:00:34.520 I felt uncertain a lot of times, and, you know, there's days where I want to do the podcast, but I can't because I don't feel, I don't feel well, if I'm real honest.
01:00:47.660 And I want to, you know, put my best foot forward.
01:00:51.100 And sometimes it's hard.
01:00:55.680 You know, everything's hard.
01:00:56.520 I'm not complaining, but I'm just saying.
01:00:59.440 It feels sometimes, I don't know, it feels, this world, this today, it doesn't feel sometimes like it wants you that much.
01:01:16.880 I don't know if that's a crazy statement.
01:01:18.300 I'm not trying to sound cryptic or anything like that.
01:01:20.560 And it could just be American Society.
01:01:25.800 It could just be L.A., because I've been out here for 10 days.
01:01:29.080 So that could also be it.
01:01:31.220 And honestly, I bet that has a lot to do with it.
01:01:33.640 But, yeah, a couple calls came in. 0.99
01:01:37.340 You know, we had rushed on the topic of is it okay to have your brother teach you masturbation? 0.99
01:01:44.260 To teach you that touchy-touchy. 0.99
01:01:46.400 That one-hand touch, you know what I'm saying?
01:01:48.660 That seek and go seek, you know what I'm saying?
01:01:51.880 That singular freeze tag, you know what I'm saying?
01:01:55.100 You're right, you're right, you're right.
01:01:56.920 You know what's going on, baby.
01:01:58.080 I think it'd be funny if when people said jacking off, they had to close their eyes when they said it.
01:02:09.060 Look, man, I want to be honest with you guys. 0.95
01:02:13.040 I've been jacking off. 0.60
01:02:16.820 Okay? 0.52
01:02:18.220 I just don't want there to be any lies here.
01:02:20.420 And I want you to know that I have been jacking off.
01:02:26.900 All right.
01:02:28.640 Because I think if you had to do that, less people would do it.
01:02:34.500 Or what about this?
01:02:35.400 If you jerked off the next day, your eyes would just close for no reason a lot of times.
01:02:42.460 Those are little governors I wish God had put in the system.
01:02:47.200 If you jerked off, your eyes would close for no reason for about a half hour the next day or, you know, here and there for 20 minutes.
01:02:54.100 If you're just talking to somebody about the baseball game, dude, the Blue Jays, wow.
01:02:58.080 Crushed it, huh? 0.96
01:02:59.100 Yeah, Tigers sucked this year. 0.70
01:03:00.540 And then suddenly you're just in the dark, dude. 0.84
01:03:02.480 You're just standing there at lunch.
01:03:05.040 Your buddy's like, what's going on, man?
01:03:07.380 And you can't open your eyes.
01:03:08.700 And he's like, oh. 0.75
01:03:10.700 You've been jacking off, haven't you? 0.89
01:03:12.920 Or if you jacked off, then the next day you had to do thumbs up all day so people knew.
01:03:20.640 I just wish there was a little bit more something built in our system.
01:03:27.140 But I've been jacking off, man.
01:03:28.660 I'll be real honest with you, dude. 0.89
01:03:30.060 Or jacking off, as people say with their eyes closed. 0.95
01:03:34.120 I've been doing jacking off. 0.92
01:03:36.080 And I wish I hadn't.
01:03:38.040 You know, I got caught up in it yesterday.
01:03:40.040 And I was looking at some pornography, man.
01:03:43.160 Ugh.
01:03:44.080 Just felt horrible.
01:03:44.940 And I just don't like it.
01:03:45.860 It makes me feel horrible about it.
01:03:47.140 It just makes me feel, like, bad. 1.00
01:03:51.080 The shit is cringe, kind of. 1.00
01:03:53.120 You know? 1.00
01:03:53.840 It's cringe.
01:03:55.020 It's dirty.
01:03:57.580 And I just, I don't know.
01:04:00.200 Sometimes I get home at night, I'm alone.
01:04:02.860 And I feel uncomfortable.
01:04:06.540 And I want to feel good.
01:04:07.960 And so, what helps you do that?
01:04:10.740 Jacking off.
01:04:14.780 But that's okay, man.
01:04:16.100 You know, I've been hitting a few meetings recently.
01:04:19.580 That's been good.
01:04:22.000 You know, trying to take care of myself.
01:04:24.280 Which is all we can do.
01:04:26.580 And if that's what you're doing.
01:04:30.620 I've been jacking off.
01:04:33.040 All right.
01:04:33.580 We had a cold people call, though, about, 0.99
01:04:34.800 is it okay for your brother to teach you masturbation? 0.89
01:04:37.520 You know, we had a fella call in a few weeks ago 0.99
01:04:39.040 that his brother had taught him how to do it.
01:04:42.840 Had taught him how to work that wand.
01:04:44.680 Do you know what I'm saying?
01:04:45.320 Had taught him how to hog that wart, baby.
01:04:47.820 Had taught him how to door that griffin.
01:04:49.820 You know what I'm talking about.
01:04:50.900 Full Slytherin.
01:04:53.060 This fella's brother had taught him how to yerk off.
01:04:55.640 Yerk off. 0.80
01:04:57.200 But, and is that okay?
01:04:59.500 And I thought it was interesting
01:05:00.700 because it takes me to a tribal place
01:05:02.560 where, at least if your brother or father 1.00
01:05:06.880 teaches you to masturbate, 0.99
01:05:08.260 then at least it feels like it's a, 0.99
01:05:09.980 it's okay.
01:05:12.040 It's normalized.
01:05:14.480 Whereas if you're secretly doing it
01:05:16.240 behind a big rock in the desert or something,
01:05:18.520 or, you know, if your cousin comes over
01:05:20.800 and he's, you know,
01:05:22.300 and he leaves a nudie mag out or something,
01:05:26.480 and then you doing it,
01:05:27.740 you yurking off,
01:05:29.360 you know, then that's,
01:05:30.900 that, you know,
01:05:32.360 that might not be good. 0.88
01:05:34.100 Or if you learn it from like a crazy guy at school, 0.79
01:05:36.440 you know,
01:05:36.640 somebody sneaks into the schoolhouse one day,
01:05:39.380 you know,
01:05:39.960 during recess,
01:05:42.240 and, you know, 0.99
01:05:43.000 and just tells everybody about jerking off 0.99
01:05:45.020 and then runs out, 0.99
01:05:46.840 you know,
01:05:47.200 and, you know,
01:05:48.140 and dies in a house fire or something.
01:05:50.840 That ain't cool.
01:05:52.340 You know,
01:05:52.920 because then you might feel ashamed
01:05:54.120 every time somebody lights a match,
01:05:55.560 you might, you know,
01:05:57.480 you know,
01:05:58.400 skeet out a little,
01:06:00.180 you know, 1.00
01:06:00.480 or bet your penis might belch a little 1.00
01:06:02.320 or burp a little seed. 1.00
01:06:04.540 But anyway, man,
01:06:05.480 what I'm telling you is that
01:06:06.520 people responded to that, 0.93
01:06:07.700 to the brother masturbation. 0.97
01:06:08.980 Is that okay? 0.99
01:06:09.760 Let's hear what they had to say.
01:06:10.940 Here we go.
01:06:13.240 Bro,
01:06:14.320 this is to your question.
01:06:16.720 This is Tristan.
01:06:17.980 What's up, Tristan?
01:06:19.060 Good to hear you, dude.
01:06:20.240 And it's,
01:06:21.020 you sound like a nice guy, brother.
01:06:23.260 And we're happy you're alive, baby.
01:06:24.640 Onward.
01:06:25.560 This is to your question about
01:06:27.860 if your brother should ever teach you 1.00
01:06:30.880 to masturbate, 1.00
01:06:32.240 and I say, 1.00
01:06:33.500 hell nah, bro. 0.99
01:06:36.240 Hell nah. 0.99
01:06:37.880 Okay.
01:06:38.800 Well, you might not be,
01:06:41.340 you know,
01:06:41.820 everybody's allowed to have an opinion,
01:06:43.760 and I don't know.
01:06:44.820 I don't know what the world thinks.
01:06:48.460 I think that's outrageous.
01:06:51.300 Oh, come on, bro.
01:06:52.920 But I do appreciate you.
01:06:54.500 Gang, baby, same, man. 0.69
01:06:59.700 All right, let's get another one right here.
01:07:02.560 Here we go.
01:07:03.980 Hi, Theo.
01:07:04.960 I am just calling in
01:07:06.240 because I was listening to your episode
01:07:07.960 about brothers teaching each other 0.99
01:07:10.120 to jerk off. 0.99
01:07:11.580 Okay, it was not a full episode, madam. 0.99
01:07:13.860 It was a part,
01:07:14.740 it's a conversation.
01:07:16.500 And it's a great conversation.
01:07:18.700 You know, it's really important.
01:07:20.500 Who do you want teaching your son 1.00
01:07:21.880 to jerk off? 1.00
01:07:25.460 Huh? 1.00
01:07:27.060 It's a great question.
01:07:28.080 Do you want their brother,
01:07:29.020 someone who loves them
01:07:29.960 and cares about them
01:07:31.040 and has an effect on them
01:07:33.240 and has a way
01:07:35.900 that they look up to them
01:07:37.060 to teach them?
01:07:38.380 Or do you want some miscreant
01:07:40.020 out there at the milk shop?
01:07:41.520 Huh?
01:07:42.600 You want some guy
01:07:43.580 who's just been working
01:07:44.300 at the grocery for a half hour?
01:07:46.860 You want that guy 0.99
01:07:47.900 teaching your kid to mat?
01:07:48.940 You know what I'm saying?
01:07:49.300 Who do you want teaching him? 0.85
01:07:51.200 Who do you want? 0.96
01:07:52.360 You want one of his school buddies?
01:07:54.820 You want a little Eric?
01:07:56.080 You want Eric teaching him? 1.00
01:07:58.860 Eric's a little crazy ass, huh? 1.00
01:08:01.320 Who don't wear no shoelaces 1.00
01:08:02.600 in his boots?
01:08:03.840 You want him teaching him?
01:08:06.100 Onward.
01:08:06.520 And I think you need
01:08:08.740 a little female perspective. 1.00
01:08:11.200 So not only is it
01:08:13.080 the brother's responsibility
01:08:14.540 to teach the brother,
01:08:15.680 I think it's the sister's
01:08:17.480 responsibility
01:08:18.080 to teach the sister.
01:08:20.740 That's how it went
01:08:21.460 in my family.
01:08:22.460 I'm not going to get
01:08:23.060 into details
01:08:23.720 because I know
01:08:24.140 there's a lot of creeps
01:08:24.980 that listen to this podcast.
01:08:26.360 Yes, there are.
01:08:27.240 But it goes
01:08:30.760 for the women, too.
01:08:32.780 Gang, gang, baby. 0.55
01:08:34.880 That thang, thang. 1.00
01:08:36.400 So look, I'm saying
01:08:37.180 this stuff is more popular
01:08:38.280 than you think, obviously.
01:08:40.100 Here, we had one more call
01:08:41.320 about it.
01:08:41.840 Here we go.
01:08:43.480 Theo, no!
01:08:44.580 No!
01:08:47.380 And there you go.
01:08:48.680 That lady was really 1.00
01:08:49.880 adamant about it, man.
01:08:51.260 That's really, really
01:08:51.980 adamant about it.
01:08:53.400 All right, lastly,
01:08:54.140 we had advice
01:08:54.680 that came in for Tyrell.
01:08:55.900 Tyrell had this question
01:08:57.280 last week.
01:08:58.440 Hey, Theo Vaughn.
01:08:59.500 This is Tyrell.
01:09:01.180 I'm just driving home
01:09:03.640 back to California
01:09:04.580 and I was listening
01:09:05.440 to your podcast.
01:09:06.400 Thought I'd get some
01:09:07.120 stuff off my chest.
01:09:09.480 You know, I've been single
01:09:10.340 for quite some time now.
01:09:12.320 I haven't been having sex
01:09:13.540 in the last,
01:09:15.400 I don't know,
01:09:16.180 two years.
01:09:17.220 And I just need
01:09:18.400 some advice, man,
01:09:20.020 on how do I
01:09:21.540 get back in the game?
01:09:23.280 How do I, you know,
01:09:24.380 get my
01:09:25.960 my willy wet,
01:09:28.340 if you will?
01:09:30.480 And I think
01:09:31.800 it's kind of a,
01:09:32.700 it's a simple question,
01:09:33.820 honestly, Tyrell.
01:09:34.860 And we have
01:09:36.780 a couple of questions,
01:09:37.620 a couple of options
01:09:38.360 for you.
01:09:39.920 Yo, yo,
01:09:41.100 this is Gatlin Whitney
01:09:42.420 out of Salt Lake City,
01:09:43.940 Utah.
01:09:45.160 Gatlin, baby.
01:09:46.360 And that's a gun name.
01:09:48.540 You know that.
01:09:49.340 We used to have twins
01:09:51.100 by us out there
01:09:51.700 in Folsom, Louisiana
01:09:52.680 named Bow and Arrow,
01:09:53.960 I remember.
01:09:55.300 And that's weapon.
01:09:57.080 That's weaponry.
01:09:59.160 Gang, gang, brother.
01:10:01.120 I was calling about that.
01:10:02.360 The guy from last week
01:10:03.280 calling in saying
01:10:03.920 he wasn't getting in
01:10:04.700 and he laid it.
01:10:06.060 And I kind of had
01:10:07.060 that same issue
01:10:08.000 for a while.
01:10:09.220 And what I figured out
01:10:10.660 is what you got to do
01:10:11.560 is get down to the gym.
01:10:13.960 It's going to run you
01:10:14.400 about $10.99
01:10:15.240 plus your convenience fee.
01:10:17.000 But what you're going to do,
01:10:17.720 you're going to get real
01:10:18.340 comfortable in that gym.
01:10:19.360 You're going to work
01:10:19.840 on the body.
01:10:20.800 But not only that,
01:10:21.500 you're going to see
01:10:21.880 all them fancy females there. 1.00
01:10:24.120 And then you start
01:10:24.840 making small talk.
01:10:25.700 Oh, how long are you
01:10:26.320 going to work on this machine?
01:10:27.400 Can I use it after you?
01:10:28.420 Can you come grab me?
01:10:29.720 And then they're
01:10:30.360 familiar with you.
01:10:31.400 They become friends with you.
01:10:32.780 You start talking.
01:10:33.700 Two months goes by
01:10:34.480 and between them,
01:10:35.240 she's knocking poop. 1.00
01:10:36.720 Damn, there you go. 1.00
01:10:38.660 Friends fuck each other. 1.00
01:10:40.480 And I hate to say that 1.00
01:10:41.460 out loud, but it's true.
01:10:43.040 And it has been true 0.99
01:10:43.960 for a long time.
01:10:45.940 Let's take one more
01:10:46.700 suggestion here.
01:10:47.720 Uh, for, uh, Tyrell.
01:10:50.520 What up, Theo?
01:10:51.580 I got some advice
01:10:52.740 for your boy Tyrell
01:10:54.220 about his, uh,
01:10:56.340 his drought.
01:10:58.540 Boy, you need to just
01:10:59.400 keep swiping right. 1.00
01:11:01.400 You know, I had a wise man
01:11:02.640 once say,
01:11:03.280 if you're ever going
01:11:03.900 through a drought
01:11:04.480 with the women,
01:11:06.120 you just throw down 1.00
01:11:07.120 the first ugly one
01:11:08.220 that's down,
01:11:09.080 and that's the chance
01:11:09.940 to streak.
01:11:10.480 So there you could,
01:11:12.680 you know,
01:11:12.940 you could try to hook up
01:11:14.020 with a woman
01:11:14.400 who's outside of your,
01:11:15.900 uh,
01:11:17.680 there you go.
01:11:18.540 You could try to hook up,
01:11:19.600 yeah,
01:11:19.780 with a lady that you're 1.00
01:11:20.700 not attracted to,
01:11:21.760 you know,
01:11:22.160 maybe.
01:11:23.220 It just might start
01:11:24.440 that energy going,
01:11:25.880 you know.
01:11:26.680 Um,
01:11:27.240 obviously you want
01:11:27.960 to treat her well
01:11:28.700 and, you know,
01:11:29.280 be,
01:11:30.000 just be realistic with her.
01:11:31.660 You know,
01:11:32.100 just let her know 0.99
01:11:32.880 it's for sex only 0.95
01:11:33.840 or, you know,
01:11:34.460 that you're just not,
01:11:35.880 you know,
01:11:36.200 because sometimes
01:11:36.760 you don't want to get
01:11:37.360 somebody's hopes up
01:11:38.280 if you can keep them down,
01:11:39.840 if you can keep
01:11:40.260 somebody's hopes down.
01:11:41.700 I mean, 0.99
01:11:42.220 fucking my shoulders 0.99
01:11:42.900 hurt from keeping 0.99
01:11:44.700 my hopes up,
01:11:45.500 baby.
01:11:45.700 I know that.
01:11:46.840 They are sore.
01:11:47.640 All right.
01:11:51.200 I appreciate you guys,
01:11:52.520 man.
01:11:53.940 I want to say thank you
01:11:54.780 for being a part of,
01:11:55.780 uh,
01:11:57.580 just of my life
01:11:58.700 and week
01:11:59.140 and of my time
01:12:00.000 and for caring
01:12:00.680 about my life.
01:12:02.140 Um,
01:12:02.880 and caring about
01:12:04.600 the lives of people
01:12:05.460 that call into this show.
01:12:07.740 Um,
01:12:08.340 and if you're out there
01:12:10.180 struggling with something,
01:12:10.960 you're going through
01:12:11.340 a tough time,
01:12:12.080 like,
01:12:13.280 it's normal.
01:12:16.380 Everybody is.
01:12:18.020 You know?
01:12:20.440 I mean,
01:12:22.340 even though sometimes
01:12:23.040 I wake up and,
01:12:23.920 you know,
01:12:24.280 life's that gate,
01:12:25.080 life's chosen you again,
01:12:26.580 you know,
01:12:26.820 it's tough.
01:12:28.140 It's tough to say,
01:12:29.080 all right,
01:12:29.360 I'm going to play,
01:12:29.940 you know,
01:12:30.620 I'm going to move,
01:12:31.320 I'm going to get going again,
01:12:32.480 I'm going to give it
01:12:33.100 another shot.
01:12:35.540 But you can do it.
01:12:37.620 You know,
01:12:38.100 um,
01:12:38.840 you can do it.
01:12:43.000 And we don't give up.
01:12:45.300 That's what we don't do.
01:12:46.960 And,
01:12:47.180 uh,
01:12:47.640 and just,
01:12:49.060 if you're going through
01:12:49.540 something,
01:12:49.900 man,
01:12:50.020 I love you,
01:12:50.740 you know,
01:12:51.320 or woman,
01:12:51.780 I love you.
01:12:53.440 And,
01:12:54.000 and you love you too.
01:12:57.960 You love you too.
01:12:59.200 Don't forget that.
01:13:00.840 There's a part of you
01:13:01.780 inside of you
01:13:02.380 that absolutely
01:13:03.360 loves you.
01:13:05.980 That loves you.
01:13:09.460 There is a part of you
01:13:10.580 inside of you
01:13:11.380 that absolutely
01:13:12.980 loves you.
01:13:14.300 And that's true.
01:13:14.860 And that's true.
01:13:14.920 And I believe that.
01:13:25.980 Um,
01:13:26.480 and there's a part of me
01:13:29.120 inside of me
01:13:29.600 that absolutely
01:13:30.160 loves me.
01:13:32.440 And I,
01:13:33.940 I got to try and
01:13:38.080 live,
01:13:38.600 hear that voice
01:13:39.660 more.
01:13:42.680 Um,
01:13:43.160 because that's a
01:13:46.700 powerful voice.
01:13:49.880 But you guys be good
01:13:51.000 to yourselves,
01:13:51.720 man.
01:13:52.260 You deserve it.
01:13:53.560 And,
01:13:54.020 uh,
01:13:54.580 and thank you for
01:13:55.420 hitting the hotline
01:13:55.960 985-664-9503.
01:13:59.300 I'm excited about the
01:14:00.280 new tour dates.
01:14:01.360 Thank you so much for
01:14:02.260 your,
01:14:02.620 for your,
01:14:03.020 uh,
01:14:03.420 for your support.
01:14:04.580 And,
01:14:05.020 um,
01:14:06.100 you know what it is.
01:14:06.800 Let's go out like we
01:14:07.560 came in,
01:14:08.240 baby.
01:14:08.920 Gang. 0.66
01:14:10.180 Gang. 0.66
01:14:10.540 Gang. 0.66
01:14:38.160 Gang. 0.66
01:14:39.220 Gang. 0.66
01:14:39.660 Oh,
01:14:39.720 it could be
01:14:40.860 higher than a mountain.
01:14:47.560 Set me free.
01:14:51.240 Just don't say goodbye.
01:14:56.400 It's you and me.
01:14:59.820 Enjoy the destination.
01:15:05.560 Fantasy.
01:15:06.040 This is Stevie Starlight,
01:15:08.620 guys.
01:15:14.480 It's never too late
01:15:16.680 to come over.
01:15:22.820 Time slips away
01:15:25.060 from you and me now.
01:15:31.480 So don't hesitate
01:15:33.380 to come over.
01:15:40.040 Why must we wait
01:15:42.360 when we're alive?
01:15:47.820 Take my time.
01:15:49.680 All right.
01:15:50.780 And I always awkwardly
01:15:51.920 close that out.
01:15:52.940 Um,
01:15:54.480 gang,
01:15:54.980 baby,
01:15:55.640 you guys be good
01:15:56.420 to yourselves.
01:15:57.480 We got the new
01:15:58.180 bobble heads. 0.99
01:15:58.940 If you want to grab
01:15:59.600 them,
01:15:59.780 they're available
01:16:00.320 out there.
01:16:01.460 The Ovan,
01:16:02.060 uh,
01:16:02.880 store,
01:16:03.640 uh,
01:16:04.460 tickets,
01:16:04.920 get them only
01:16:05.340 at theovon.com
01:16:06.480 slash T-O-U-R. 1.00
01:16:08.360 Want to make sure
01:16:09.020 you don't get swindled
01:16:10.040 and,
01:16:11.020 um,
01:16:12.460 and that's it.
01:16:13.480 You know,
01:16:14.100 that's it for this week.
01:16:15.760 Uh,
01:16:16.240 we're doing our best.
01:16:17.660 You're doing your best.
01:16:19.480 And that is a lot
01:16:21.180 sometimes.
01:16:22.400 That is,
01:16:23.020 and that is enough.
01:16:24.440 And,
01:16:24.980 um,
01:16:25.860 you guys be good
01:16:26.420 to yourselves,
01:16:26.860 baby gang.
01:16:32.060 Ladies and gentlemen,
01:16:34.000 I'm Jonathan Kite
01:16:34.960 and welcome to Kite Club,
01:16:36.620 a podcast where I'll be
01:16:37.900 sharing thoughts on things
01:16:38.980 like current events,
01:16:40.300 stand-up stories,
01:16:41.300 and seven ways
01:16:42.240 to pleasure your partner.
01:16:44.020 The answer may shock you.
01:16:45.760 Sometimes I'll interview
01:16:46.680 my friends.
01:16:47.900 Sometimes I won't.
01:16:49.520 And as always,
01:16:50.340 I'll be joined by
01:16:51.060 the voices in my head.
01:16:52.440 You have three
01:16:53.720 new voice messages.
01:16:55.040 A lot of people
01:16:56.540 are talking about
01:16:57.440 Kite Club.
01:16:58.360 I've been talking
01:16:59.160 about Kite Club
01:17:00.060 for so long,
01:17:01.020 longer than anybody else.
01:17:02.700 So great.
01:17:04.020 Aye,
01:17:04.660 swia,
01:17:05.620 easy deal.
01:17:06.960 Anyone who doesn't
01:17:07.860 listen to Kite Club 1.00
01:17:08.800 is a dodgy bloody wanker. 1.00
01:17:10.960 Jermaine. 1.00
01:17:12.200 Ho ho, 1.00
01:17:12.920 I'll take a quarter pounder
01:17:14.360 with cheese
01:17:14.860 and a McFlurry.
01:17:16.020 Sorry, sir,
01:17:16.500 but our ice cream machine
01:17:17.240 is broken.
01:17:18.100 Ho ho ho! 1.00
01:17:19.360 No!
01:17:20.340 I think Tom Hanks
01:17:21.580 just butt-dialed me.
01:17:22.780 Anyway,
01:17:23.480 first rule of Kite Club
01:17:24.500 is
01:17:25.100 tell everyone
01:17:25.960 about Kite Club.
01:17:27.020 Second rule of Kite Club
01:17:28.180 is
01:17:28.740 tell everyone
01:17:29.800 about Kite Club.
01:17:31.240 Third rule,
01:17:32.160 like and subscribe
01:17:32.860 wherever you listen
01:17:33.840 to podcasts
01:17:34.400 or watch us on YouTube,
01:17:36.360 yeah?
01:17:37.000 And yes,
01:17:37.560 don't worry,
01:17:38.300 my Brad Pitt impression
01:17:39.300 will get better.